f fip tjjc game Sutljnr, POEMS. Diamond Edition. iSmo, $1.00. Household Edition. With Portrait. I2mo, $2.00. THE SAME. i2mo, full gilt, $2.50. Red-Line Edition. Illustrated. Small 4to, $2.50. Blue and Gold Edition. 2 vols. 321110, $2.50. Illustrated Library Edition. With Portrait. Svo, $4.00. VISION OF SIR LAUNFAL. i6mo, 75 cents. THE SAME. Illustrated. Small 410, $2.00. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Series I. and II. i2mo, each $1.50. THREE MEMORIAL POEMS. i6mo, $1.25. THE ROSE. Illustrated. i6mo, $1.50. FIRESIDE TRAVELS. i2ino, $1.50. THE SAME. In " Riverside Aldine Series." i6mo, $1.00. AMONG MY BOOKS. Series I. and II. i2mo, each $2.00. MY STUDY WINDOWS. 12010, $2.00. COMPLETE WORKS. 5 vols. i2im>, $9.00. HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & CO., Publishers, BOSTON. ftitegifce SUtoe 9 Copyright, 1866, BY JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL. Copyright, 1885, BY HOUQHTON, MIFFLIN & CO. All rights reserved. SECOND EDITION. The Riverside Press, Cambridge : Electrotyped and Printed by H. 0. Houghton & Co. To E. R. HOAR a* * " Multos enim, quibus loqtiendi ratio non desit, invenias, quos curiose potius loqui dixeris quam Latine ; quomodo et ilia Attica anus Theophrastum, hominem alioqui disertissimum, annotata unius affectatione verbi, hospitem dixit, nee alio se id deprehen- disse interrogata respondit, quam quod minium Attice loquere- tur." QUISTILIANUS. " Et Anglice sermonicari solebat populo, sed secundum linguam Norfolchie ubi natus et nutritus erat." CBONICA JOCELINI. "La politique pst Tine pierre attache au cou de la literature, et qui, en moins de six mois la submerge. . . . Cette politique va of- fenser mortellement une moiti(5 des lecteurs, et ennuyer 1 autre qui 1 a trouyee bien autremeat speciale et 6nergique dans le journal du matin." YL. CONTENTS. PAGE INTRODUCTION 9 TUB COUKTIN 91 No. I. BlRDOFREDUM SAWIN, ESQ., TO MR. HOSEA BIGLOW 97 No. II. MASON AND SLIDELL : A YANKEE IDYLL 126 NO. III. BlRDOFREIJUM SAWIN, ESQ., TO MR. HOSEA BIGLOW 163 No. IV. A MESSAGE OF JEFF DAVIS IN SECRET SESSION 194 No. V. SPEECH OF HON. PRESERVED DOE IN SECRET CAUCUS 211 No. VI. SUNTHIN IN THE PASTORAL LINE . . 232 No. VII. LATEST VIEWS OF MR. BIGLOW . . 247 No. VIII. KETTELOPOTOMACHIA 263 No. IX. TABLE-TALK . .274 Vlll CONTENTS. PAGE No. X. MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE EDITOR OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY 287 No. XL MR. HOSEA BIGLOW S SPEECH IN MARCH MEETING 294 INDEX .317 INTRODUCTION. THOUGH prefaces seem of late to have fallen under some reproach, they have at least this advantage, that they set us again on the feet of our personal consciousness, and rescue us from the gregarious mock- modesty or cowardice of that we which shrills feebly throughout modern literature like the shrieking of mice in the walls of a house that has passed its prime. Having a few words to say to the many friends whom the " Biglow Papers " have won me, I shall accordingly take the freedom of the first person singular of the personal pronoun. Let each of the good-natured unknown who have cheered me by the written communica tion of their sympathy look upon this Intro duction as a private letter to himself. When, more than twenty years ago, I wrote the first of the series, I had no defi nite plan and no intention of ever writ ing another. Thinking the Mexican war, as I think it still, a national crime com- 10 INT ROD UC Tl ON. mitted in behoof of Slavery, our common sin, and wishing to put the feeling of those who thought as I did in a way that would tell, I imagined to myself such an up-coun try man as I had often seen at anti-slavery gatherings, capable of district-school Eng lish, but always instinctively falling back into the natural stronghold of his homely dialect when heated to the point of self-for- getfulness. When I began to carry out my conception and to write in my assumed char acter, I found myself in a strait between two perils. On the one hand, I was in danger of being carried beyond the limit of my own opinions, or at least of that temper with which every man should speak his mind in print, and on the other I feared the risk of seeming to vulgarize a deep and sacred con viction. I needed on occasion to rise above the level of mere patois, and for this pur pose conceived the Reverend Mr. Wilbur, who should express the more cautious ele ment of the New England character and its pedantry, as Mr. Biglow should serve for its homely common- sense vivified and heated by conscience. The parson was to be the com plement rather than the antithesis of his parishioner, and I felt or fancied a certain INTRODUCTION. 11 humorous element in the real identity of the t\Vo under a seeming incongruity. Mr. Wilbur s fondness for scraps of Latin, though drawn from the life, I adopted de liberately to heighten the contrast. Finding soon after that I needed some one as a mouthpiece of the mere drollery, for I con ceive that true humor is never divorced from moral conviction, I invented Mr. Sawin for the clown of my little puppet-show. I meant to embody in him that half-conscious immo rality which I had noticed as the recoil in gross natures from a puritanism that still strove to keep in its creed the intense savor which had long gone out of its faith and life. In the three I thought I should find room enough to express, as it was my plan to do, the popular feeling and opinion of the time. For the names of two of my characters, since I have received some remonstrances from very worthy persons who happened to bear them, I would say that they were pure ly fortuitous, probably mere unconscious memories of signboards or directories. Mr. Sawin s sprang from the accident of a rhyme at the end of his first epistle, and I purpose ly christened him by the impossible surname of Birdofredum not more to stigmatize him 12 INTRODUCTION. as the incarnation of "Manifest Destiny," in other words, of national recklessness as to right and wrong, than to avoid the chance of wounding any private sensitiveness. The success of my experiment soon began not only to astonish me, but to make me feel the responsibility of knowing that I held in my hand a weapon instead of the mere fen cing-stick I had supposed. Very far from being a popular author under my own name, so far, indeed, as to be almost unread, I found the verses of my pseudonym copied everywhere : I saw them pinned up in work shops ; I heard them quoted and their au thorship debated ; I once even, when rumor had at length caught up my name in one of its eddies, had the satisfaction of overhear ing it demonstrated, in the pauses of a con cert, that / was utterly incompetent to have written anything of the kind. I had read too much not to know the utter worthless- ness of contemporary reputation, especially as regards satire, but I knew also that by giving a certain amount of influence it also had its worth, if that influence were used on the right side. I had learned, too, that the first requisite of good writing is to have an earnest and definite purpose, whether ses- INTRODUCTION. 13 thetic or moral, and that even good writing, to please long, must have more than an av erage amount either of imagination or com mon-sense. The first of these falls to the lot of scarcely one in several generations ; the last is within the reach of many in every one that passes ; and of this an author may fairly hope to become in part the mouth piece. If I put on the cap and bells and made myself one of the court-fools of King Demos, it was less to make his majesty laugh than to win a passage to his royal ears for certain serious things which I had deeply at heart. I say this because there is no imputation that couid be more galling to any man s self-respect than that of being a mere jester. I endeavored, by generalizing my satire, to give it what value I could be yond the passing moment and the immedi ate application. How far I have succeeded I cannot tell, but I have had better luck than I ever looked for in seeing my verses sur vive to pass beyond their nonage. In choosing the Yankee dialect, I did not act without forethought. It had long seemed to me that the great vice of American writ ing and speaking was a studied want of simplicity, that we were in danger of coming 14 JNTROD UCTION. to look on our mother-tongue as a dead lan guage, to be sought in the grammar and dic tionary rather than in the heart, and that our only chance of escape was by seeking it at its living sources among those who were, as Scottowe says of Major-General Gibbons, " divinely illiterate." President Lincoln, the only really great public man whom these latter days have seen, was great also in this, that he was master witness his speech at Gettysburg of a truly masculine English, classic because it was of no special period, and level at once to the highest and lowest of his countrymen. But whoever should read the debates in Congress might fancy himself present at a meeting of the city council of some city of southern Gaul in the decline of the Empire, where barbarians with a Latin varnish emulated each other in being more than Ciceronian. Whether it be want of culture, for the highest outcome of that is simplicity, or for whatever reason, it is certain that very few American writers or speakers wield their native language with the directness, precision, and force that are com mon as the day in the mother country. We use it like Scotsmen, not as if it belonged to us, but as if we wished to prove that we be- INTRODUCTION. 15 long to it, by showing our intimacy with its written rather than with its spoken dialect. And yet all the while our popular idiom is racy with life and vigor and originality, buck- some (as Milton used the word) to our new occasions, and proves itself no mere graft by sending up new suckers from the old root in spite of us. It is only from its roots in the living generations of men that a lan guage can be reinforced with fresh vigor for its needs ; what may be called a literate dialect grows ever more and more pedantic and foreign, till it becomes at last as unfit ting a vehicle for living thought as monkish Latin. That we should all be made to talk like books is the danger with which we are threatened by the Universal Schoolmaster, who does his best to enslave the minds and memories of his victims to what he esteems the best models of English composition, that is to say, to the writers whose style is faultily correct and has no blood-warmth in it. No language after it has faded into diction, none that cannot suck up the feeding juices secreted for it in the rich mother-earth of common folk, can bring forth a sound and lusty book. True vigor and heartiness of phrase do not pass from page to page, but 16 INTRODUCTION. from man to man, where the brain is kindled and the lips supplied by downright living interests and by passion in its very throe. Language is the soil of thought, and our own especially is a rich leaf-mould, the slow deposit of ages, the shed foliage of feeling, fancy, and imagination, which has suffered an earth-change, that the vocal forest, as Howell called it, may clothe itself anew with living green. There is death in the dic tionary ; and, where language is too strictly limited by convention, the ground for ex pression to grow in is limited also ; and we get a potted literature, Chinese dwarfs instead of healthy trees. But while the schoolmaster has been busy starching our language and smoothing it flat with the mangle of a supposed classical au thority, the newspaper reporter has been do ing even more harm by stretching and swell ing it to suit his occasions. A dozen years ago I began a list, which I have added to from time to time, of some of the changes which may be fairly laid at his door. I give a few of them as showing their tendency, all the more dangerous that their effect, like that of some poisons, is insensibly cumula tive, and that they are sure at last of effect INTRODUCTION. 17 among a people whose chief reading is the daily paper. I give in two columns the old style and its modern equivalent. Old Style. Was hanged. When the halter was put round his neck. A great crowd came to see. Great fire. The fire spread. House burned. The fire was got under. Man fell. A horse and wagon ran against. The frightened horse. Sent for the doctor. The mayor of the city in a short speech welcomed. I shall sav a few words. New Style. Was launched into eternity. When the fatal noose was ad justed about the neck of the unfortunate victim of his own unbridled passions. A vast concourse was as sembled to witness. Disastrous conflagration. The conflagration extended its devastating career. Edifice consumed. The progress of the devour ing element was arrested. Individual was precipitated. A valuable horse attached to a vehicle driven by J. S., in the employment of J. B., collided with. The infuriated animal. Called into requisition the services of the family phy sician. The chief magistrate of the metropolis, in well-chosen and eloquent language, fre quently interrupted by the plaudits of the surging mul titude, officially tendered the hospitalities. I shall, with your permission, beg leave to offer some brief observations. 1 8 INTROD UCTION. Began his answer. Commenced his rejoinder. A bystander advised. One of those omnipresent char acters who, as if in pursuance of some previous arrange ment, are certain to be en countered in the vicinity when an accident occurs, ventured the suggestion. He died. He deceased, he passed out of existence, his spirit quitted its earthly habitation, winged its way to eternity, shook off its burden, etc. In one sense this is nothing new. The school of Pope in verse ended by wire drawing its phrase to such thinness that it could bear no weight of meaning whatever. Nor is fine writing by any means confined to America. All writers without imagina tion fall into it of necessity whenever they attempt the figurative. I take two examples from Mr. Merivale s " History of the Ro mans under the Empire," which, indeed, is full of such. " The last years of the age familiarly styled the Augustan were singu larly barren of the literary glories from which its celebrity was chiefly derived. One by one the stars in its firmament had been lost to the world; Virgil and Horace, etc., had long since died ; the charm which the imagination of Livy had thrown over INTRODUCTION. 19 the earlier annals of Rome had ceased to shine On the details of almost contemporary history; and if the flood of his eloquence still continued flowing 1 , we can hardly sup pose that the stream was as rapid, as fresh, and as clear as ever." I will not waste time in criticising the bad English or the mixture of metaphor in these sentences, but will simply cite another from the same author which is even worse. " The shadowy phan tom of the Republic continued to flit before the eyes of the Caesar. There was still, he apprehended, a germ of sentiment existing, on which a scion of his own house, or even a stranger, might boldly throw himself and raise the standard of patrician independ ence." Now a ghost may haunt a murderer, but hardly, I should think, to scare him with the threat of taking a new lease of its old tenement. And fancy the scion of a house in the act of throwing itself upon a germ of sentiment to raise a standard f I am glad, since we have so much in the same kind to answer for, that this bit of horticultural rhetoric is from beyond sea. I would not be supposed to condemn truly imaginative prose. There is a simplicity of splendor, no less than of plainness, and prose would 20 INTRODUCTION. be poor indeed if it could not find a tongue for that meaning of the mind which is be hind the meaning of the words. It has sometimes seemed to me that in England there was a growing tendency to curtail lan guage into a mere convenience, and to defe cate it of all emotion as thoroughly as alge braic signs. This has arisen, no doubt, in part from that healthy national contempt of humbug which is characteristic of English- O O men, in part from that sensitiveness to the ludicrous which makes them so shy of ex pressing feeling, but in part also, it is to be feared, from a growing distrust, one might almost say hatred, of whatever is super- material. There is something sad in the scorn with which their journalists treat the notion of there being such a thing as a na tional ideal, seeming utterly to have forgot ten that even in the affairs of this world the imagination is as much matter-of-fact as the understanding. If we were to trust the impression made on us by some of the clev erest and most characteristic of their peri odical literature, we should think England hopelessly stranded on the good-humored cynicism of well-to-do middle-age, and should fancy it an enchanted nation, doomed to sit INTRODUCTION. 21 forever with its feet under the mahogany in that after-dinner inood which follows con scientious repletion, and which it is ill-man ners to disturb with any topics more exciting than the quality of the wines. But there are already symptoms that a large class of Englishmen are getting weary of the do minion of consols and divine common-sense, and to believe that eternal three per cent is not the chief end of man, nor the highest and only kind of interest to which the powers and opportunities of England are entitled. The quality of exaggeration has often been remarked on as typical of American character, and especially of American humor. In Dr. Petri s Gedrangtes Handbuch der fremdworter, we are told that the word humbug is commonly used for the exaggera tions of the North Americans. To be sure, one would be tempted to think the dream of Columbus half fulfilled, and that Europe had found in the West a nearer way to Orientalism, at least in diction. But it seems to me that a great deal of what is set down as mere extravagance is more fitly to be called intensity and picturesque ness, symptoms of the imaginative faculty in full health and strength, though producing, as 22 INTRODUCTION. yet, only the raw and formless material in which poetry is to work. By and by, per haps, the world will see it fashioned into poem and picture, and Europe, which will be hard pushed for originality erelong, may have to thank us for a new sensation. The French continue to find Shakespeare exag gerated because he treated English just as our country-folk do when they speak of a " steep price," or say that they " freeze to " a thing. The first postulate of an original literature is that a people should use their language instinctively and unconsciously, as if it were a lively part of their growth and personality, not as the mere torpid boon of education or inheritance. Even Burns con trived to write very poor verse and prose in English. Vulgarisms are often only poetry in the egg. The late Mr. Horace Mann, in one of his public addresses, commented at some length on the beauty and moral sig nificance of the French phrase s orienter, and called on his young friends to practise upon it in life. There was not a Yankee in his audience whose problem had not always been to find out what was about east, and to shape his course accordingly. This charm which a familiar expression gains by being INTRODUCTION. 23 commented, as it were, and set in a new light by a foreign language, is curious and instruc tive. I cannot help thinking that Mr. Mat thew Arnold forgets this a little too much sometimes when he writes of the beauties of French style. It would not be hard to find in the works of French Academicians phrases as coarse as those he cites from Burke, only they are veiled by the unfamiliarity of the language. But, however this may be, it is certain that poets and peasants please us in the same way by translating words back again to their primal freshness, and infusing them with a delightful strangeness which is anything but alienation. What, for example, is Milton s " edge of battle " but a doing into English of the Latin acies ? Was die Gans gedacht das der Schwan vollbi acht, what the goose but thought, that the swan full brought (or, to de-Saxonize it a little, what the goose conceived, that the swan achieved), and it may well be that the life, invention, and vigor shown by our popular speech, and the freedom with which it is shaped to the in stant want of those who use it, are of the best omen for our having a swan at last. The part I have taken on myself is that of the humbler bird. 24 INTRODUCTION. But it is affirmed that there is something innately vulgar in the Yankee dialect. M. Sainte-Beuve says, with his usual neatness : " Je d&finis un patois une ancienne la?igue qui a eu des malheurs, ou encore une langue toute jeune et qui n a pas faite fortune" The first part of his definition applies to a dialect like the Provencal, the last to the Tuscan before Dante had lifted it into a classic, and neither, it seems to me, will quite fit a patois, which is not properly a dialect, but rather certain archaisms, proverbial phrases, and modes of pronunciation, which maintain themselves among the uneducated side by side with the finished and universally accepted language. Norman French, for ex ample, or Scotch down to the time of James VI., could hardly be called patois, while I should be half inclined to name the Yankee a lingo rather than a dialect. It has re tained a few words now fallen into disuse in the mother country, like to tarry, to pro gress, fleshy, fall, and some others ; it has changed the meaning of some, as in freshet; and it has clung to what I suspect to have been the broad Norman pronunciation of e (which Molie~re puts into the mouth of his rustics) in such words as sarvant, parfect, I NT ROD UCTION. 25 vartoo, and the like. It maintains some thing .of the French sound of a also in words like chamber, danger (though the latter had certainly begun to take its present sound so early as 1636, when I find it sometimes spelt dainger). But in general it may be said that nothing can be found in it which does not still survive in some one or other of the English provincial dialects. I am not speak ing now of Americanisms properly so called, that is, of words or phrases which have grown into use here either through necessity, invention, or accident, such as a carry, a one-horse affair, & prairie, to vamose. Even these are fewer than is sometimes taken for granted. But I think some fair defence may be made against the charge of vulgar ity. Properly speaking, vulgarity is in the thought, and not in the word or the way of pronouncing it. Modern French, the most polite of languages, is barbarously vulgar if compared with the Latin out of which it has been corrupted, or even with Italian. There is a wider gap, and one implying greater boorishness, between ministerium and m&- tier, or sapiens and sachant, than between druv and drove, or agin and against, which last is plainly an arrant superlative. Our 26 INTRODUCTION. rustic coverlid is nearer its French original than the diminutive cover/e, into which it has been ignorantly corrupted in politer speech. I obtained from three cultivated Englishmen at different times three diverse pronunciations of a single word, cowcum- ber, coocumber, and cucumber. Of these the first, which is Yankee also, comes nearest to the nasality of concombre. Lord Ossory as sures us that Voltaire saw the best society in England, and Voltaire tells his country men that handkerchief was pronounced han- kercher. I find it so spelt in Hakluyt and elsewhere. This enormity the Yankee still persists in, and as there is always a reason for such deviations from the sound as repre sented by the spelling, may we not suspect two sources of derivation, and find an ances tor for kercher in couverture rather than in couvrecheff And w r hat greater phonetic va gary (which Dry den, by the way, called fe- f/ary ) in our lingua rustlca than this ker for couvre ? I copy from the fly-leaves of my books where I have noted them from time to time, a few examples of pronuncia tion and phrase which will show that the Yankee often has antiquity and very respect able literary authority on his side. My list INTRODUCTION. 27 might be largely increased by referring to glossaries, but to them every one can go for himself, and I have gathered enough for my purpose. I will take first those cases in which some thing like the French sound has been pre served in certain single letters and diph thongs. And this opens a curious question as to how long this Gallicism maintained it self in England. Sometimes a divergence in pronunciation has given us two words with different meanings, as in genteel and jaunty, which I find coming in toward the close of the seventeenth century, and waver ing between genteel and jantee. It is usual in America to drop the u in words ending in our, a very proper change recommended by Howell two centuries ago, and carried out by him so far as his printers would al low. This and the corresponding changes in musique, musick, and the like, which he also advocated, show that in his time the French accent indicated by the superfluous letters (for French had once nearly as strong an accent as Italian) had gone out of use. There is plenty of French accent down to the end of Elizabeth s reign. In Daniel we have riches and counsel , in Bishop Hall 28 INTRODUCTION. comet , chapelain, in Donne pictures , virtue , presence , mortal , merit , hainous , giant , with many more, and Marston s satires are full of them. The two latter, however, are not to be relied on, as they may be suspected of Chaucerizing. Herrick writes baptime. The tendency to throw the accent backward began early. But the incongruities are per plexing, and perhaps mark the period of transition. In Warner s " Albion s Eng land " we have creator and creature side by side with the modern creator and crea ture. E nvy and dnvying occur in Campion (1602), and yet envy survived Milton. In some cases we have gone back again nearer to the French, as in rev enue for reven ue. I had been so used to hearing imbecile pro nounced with the accent on the first syllable, which is in accordance with the general ten dency in such matters, that I was surprised to find imbec ile in a verse of Wordsworth. The dictionaries all give it so. I asked a highly cultivated Englishman, and he de clared for imbeceel . In general it may be assumed that accent will finally settle on the syllable dictated by greater ease and there fore quickness of utterance. Bias phemous, for example, is more rapidly pronounced INTRO D UCTION. 29 than blasphem ous, to which our Yankee clings^ following in this the usage of many of the older poets. Amer ican is easier than Amen can, and therefore the false quantity has carried the day, though the true one may be found in George Herbert, and even so late as Cowley. To come back to the matter in hand. Our " uplandish men " retain the soft or thin sound of the u in some words, such as rule, truth (sometimes also pronounced truth, not trooth), while he says noo for new, and, gives to view and few so indescribable a mixture of the two sounds, with a slight nasal tincture, that it may be called the Yankee shibboleth. In rule the least sound of a precedes the u. I find reule in Pecock s " Represser." He probably pronounced it rayoole, as the old French word from which it is derived was very likely to be sounded at first, with a reminiscence of its original regula. Tindal has ruder, and the Coven try Plays have preudent. As for noo, may it not claim some sanction in its derivation, whether from nouveau or neuf, the ancient sound of which may very well have been noqf, as nearer novus ? Beef would seem more like to have come from bujfe than from 30 INTRODUCTION. bceiif, unless the two were mere varieties of spelling. The Saxon few may have caught enough from its French cousin peu to claim the benefit of the same doubt as to sound ; and our slang phrase a few (as " I licked him a few ") may well appeal to un peu for sense and authority. Nay, might not lick itself turn out to be the good old word lam in an English disguise, if the latter should claim descent as, perhaps, he fairly might, from the Latin lambere ? The New England ferce for fierce, and perce for pierce (some times heard as fairce and pairce), are also Norman. For its antiquity I cite the rhyme of verse and pierce in Chapman and Donne, and in some commendatory verses by a Mr. Berkenhead before the poems of Francis Beaumont. Our pairlous for perilous is of the same kind, and is nearer Shakespeare s parlous than the modern pronunciation. One other Gallicism survives in our pronun ciation. Perhaps I should rather call it a semi-Gallicism, for it is the result of a futile effort to reproduce a French sound with English lips. Thus for joint, employ, royal, we have jynt, emply, ryle, the last differing only from rile (roil) in a prolongation of the y sound. In Walter de Biblesworth I INTRODUCTION. 31 find solives Englished by gistes. This, it is true, may have been pronounced jeests, but the pronunciation jystes must have preceded the present spelling, which was no doubt adopted after the radical meaning was for gotten, as analogical with other words in oi. In the same way after Norman- French in fluence had softened the I out of would (we already find woud for veut in N. F. poems), should followed the example, and then an I was put into could, where it does not belong, to satisfy the logic of the eye, which has af fected the pronunciation and even the spell ing of English more than is commonly sup posed. I meet with eyster for oyster as early as the fourteenth century. I find dystrye for destroy in the Coventry Plays, viage in Bishop Hall and Middleton the dramatist, bile in Donne and Chrononhotonthologos, line in Hall, ryall and chyse (for choice) in the Coventry Plays. In Chapman s " All Fools " is the misprint of employ for imply, fairly inferring an identity of sound in the last syllable. Indeed, this pronunciation was habitual till after Pope, and Rogers tells us that the elegant Gray said naise for noise just as our rustics still do. Our cornivh (which I find also in Herrick) remembers 32 INTRODUCTION. the French better than cornice does. While, clinging more closely to the Anglo-Saxon in dropping the g from the end of the present participle, the Yankee now and then pleases himself with an experiment in French nasal ity in words ending in n. It is not. so far as my experience goes, very common, though it may formerly have been more so. Cap- ting, for instance, I never heard save in jest, the habitual form being Tcepp n. But at any rate it is no invention of ours. In that delightful old volume, " Ane Compendious Buke of Godly and Spiritual! Songs," in which I know not whether the piety itself or the simplicity of its expression be more charming, I find bur ding, garding, and caus ing, and in the State Trials uncerting used by a gentleman. The n for ng I confess pre ferring. Of Yankee preterites I find risse and rize for rose in Middleton and Dryden, dim in Spenser, chees (chose) in Sir John Man- devil, give (gave) in the Coventry Plays, shet (shu) in Golding s Ovid, 1 het in Chap man and in Weever s Epitaphs, thriv and smit in Dray ton, quit in Ben Jonson and Henry More, and pled in the fastidious Lan- 1 Cited in Warton s Obs. Faery Q. JNTROD UCTION. 33 dor. Rid for rode was anciently common. So likewise was see for saw, but I find it in no writer of authority, unless Chaucer s seie was so sounded. Shew is used by Hector Boece, Giles Fletcher, and Drummond of Hawthornden. Similar strong preterites, like snew, thew, and even mew, are not with out example. I find sew for sowed in Piers Ploughman. Indeed, the anomalies in Eng lish preterites are perplexing. We have probably transferred fleiv from flow (as the preterite of which I have heard it) to fly because we had another preterite in fled. Of weak preterites the Yankee retains growed, blowed, for which he has good au thority, and less often knowed. His sot is merely a broad sounding of sat, no more in elegant than the common got for gat, which he further degrades into gut. When he says durst, he uses a form as old as Chaucer. The Yankee has retained something of the long sound of the a in such words as axe, wax, pronouncing them exe, wex (shortened from aix, waix). He also says hev and hed (have had) for have and had. In most cases he follows an Anglo-Saxon usage. In aix for axle he certainly does. I find wex and aisches (ashes} in Pecock, and exe in the 34 INTRODUCTION. Paston letters. Chaucer wrote hendy. Dry- deu rhymes can with men, as Mr. Biglow would. Alexander Gill, Milton s teacher, in his " Lagonomia " cites hez for hath as pecu liar to Lincolnshire. I find hayth in Col lier s " Bibliographical Account of Early English Literature " under the date 1584, and Lord Cromwell so wrote it. Sir Chris topher Wren wrote lelcony. Thaim for them was common in the sixteenth century. We have an example of the same thing in the double form of the verb thrash, thresh. While the New-England er cannot be brought to say instead for instid (com monly stid where not the last word in a sen tence), he changes the i into e in red for rid, tell for till, hender for hinder, rense for rinse. I find red in the old interlude of "Thersytes," tell in a letter of Daborne to Henslowe, and also, I shudder to men tion it, in a letter of the great Duchess of Maiiborough, Atossa herself ! It occurs twice in a single verse of the Chester Plays, which I copy as containing another Yankee- ism : " Tell the day of dome, tell the heames blow." From this word blow is formed blowth, which I heard again this summer after a INTRODUCTION. 35 long interval. Mr. Wright l explains it as meaning " a blossom." With us a single blos som is a blow, while bloivth means the blos soming in general. A farmer would say that there was a good blowth on his fruit-trees. The word retreats farther inland and away from the railways, year by year. Wither rhymes hinder with slender, and Lovelace has renched for rinsed. In " Gammer Gurton " is sence for since ; Marlborough s Duchess so writes it, and Donne rhymes since with Amiens and patience, Bishop Hall and Otway with pretence, Chapman with citizens, Dryden with providence. In deed, why should not sithence take that form ? E sometimes takes the place of u, asjedge tredge, bresh. I find tredge in the interlude of " Jack Jugler," bresh in a citation by Collier from " London Cries " of the middle of the seventeenth century, and resche for rush (fifteenth century) in the very valu able " Volume of Vocabularies " edited by Mr. Wright. Resce is one of the Anglo- Saxon forms of the word in Bosworth s A. S. Dictionary. The Yankee always shortens the u in the ending ture, making ventur, na- 1 Dictionary of Obsoltte ami Provincial English. 36 INTRODUCTION. tur, pictur, and so on. This was common, also, among the educated of the last genera tion. I am inclined to think it may have been once universal, and I certainly think it more elegant than the vile vencher, naycher, pickcher, that have taken its place, sounding like the invention of a lexicographer with his mouth full of hot pudding. Nash in his " Pierce Penniless " has ventur, and so spells it, and I meet it also in Spenser, Dray ton, Ben Jonson, Herrick, and Prior. Spenser has tort rest, which can only be contracted from tortur and not from torcher. Quarles rhymes nature with creator, and Dryden with satire, which he doubtless pronounced according to its older form of satyr. I shall now give some examples which can not so easily be ranked under any special head. Gill charges the Eastern counties with kiver for cover, and ta for to. The Yankee pronounces both too and to like ta (like the tou in toucli) where they are not emphatic. In that case, both become tu. In old spelling, to is the common (and indeed correct) form of to, which is only to with the sense of in addition. I suspect that the sound of our too has caught something from the French tout, and it is possible that the old INTRODUCTION. 37 too-too is not a reduplication, but a reminis cence of the feminine form of the same word (toutes~) and as anciently pronounced, with the e not yet silenced. Gill gives a North ern origin to geaun for gown and waund for wound (vulnus). Lovelace has waund, but there is something too dreadful in suspecting Spenser (who borealized in his pastorals) of having ever been guilty of geaun! And yet some delicate mouths even now are care ful to observe the Hibernicism of ge-ard for guard, and ge-url for girl. Sir Philip Sid ney (credite posteri /) wrote furr tor far. I would hardly have believed it had I not seen it iafac-simile. As some consolation, I find furder in Lord Bacon and Donne, and Wither rhymes far with cur. The Yankee who omits the final d in many words, as do the Scotch, makes up for it by adding one in geound. The purist does not feel the loss of the d sensibly in lawn and yon, from the former of which it has dropped again after a wrongful adoption (retained in laundry), while it properly belongs to the latter. But what shall we make of git, yit, and yis ? I find yis and git in Warner s " Albion s Eng land," yet rhyming with wit, admit, and fit in Donne, with wit in the " Revenger s Trag- 38 INTRODUCTION. edy," Beaumont, and Suckling, with writ in Dryden, and latest of all with wit in Sir Hanbury Williams. Prior rhymes fitting and begetting. Worse is to come. Among others, Donne rhymes again with sin, and Quarles repeatedly with in. Ben for been, of which our dear Whittier is so fond, has the authority of Sackville, " Gammer Gur- ton " (the work of a bishop), Chapman, Dryden, and many more, though bin seems to have been the common form. Whit- tier s accenting the first syllable of rom - ance finds an accomplice in Drayton among others, and though manifestly wrong, is an alogous with Rom ans. Of other Yankee- isms, whether of form or pronunciation, which I have met with I add a few at random. Pecock writes sowdiers (sogers, soudoyers), and Chapman and Gill sodder. This absorption of the I is common in vari ous dialects, especially in the Scottish. Pe cock writes also biyende, and the authors of " Jack Jugler " and " Gammer Gurton " yender. The Yankee includes " yon " in the same category, and says " hither an yen," for u to and fro." (Cf. German jen- seitsJ) Pecock and plenty more have wras- tle. Tindal has agynste, gretter, shett, on- INTRODUCTION. 39 done, debyte, and scace. " Jack Jugler " has soacely (which I have often heard, though skurce is the common form), and Donne and Dryden make great rhyme with set. In the inscription on Caxton s tomb I find ynd for end, which the Yankee more often makes eend, still using familiarly the old phrase " right anend " for " continu ously." His " stret (straight) along " in the same sense, which I thought peculiar to him, I find in Pecock. Tindal s debyte for deputy is so perfectly Yankee that I could almost fancy the brave martyr to have been deacon of the First Parish at Jaalam Centre. " Jack Jugler " further gives us play sent and sartayne. Dryden rhymes certain with parting, and Chapman and Ben Jonson use certain, as the Yankee always does, for cer tainly. The " Coventry Mysteries " have occapied, massage, nateralle, materal (ma terial}, and meracles, all excellent Yankee- isms. In the " Quatre fils, Aymon " (1504) 1 is vertus for virtuous. Thomas Fuller called volume vollum, I suspect, for he spells it vol- umne. However, per contra, Yankees habit ually say colume for column. Indeed, to 1 Cited in Collier. (I give my authority where I do not quote from the original book.) 40 INTRODUCTION. prove that our ancestors brought their pro nunciation with them from the Old Country, and have not wantonly debased their mother tongue, I need only to cite the words scrip- tur, Israll, athists, and cTierfulness from Governor Bradford s " History." Brampton Gurdon writes shet in a letter to Winthrop. So the good man wrote them, and so the good descendants of his fellow-exiles still pronounce them. Purtend {pretend} has crept like a serpent into the " Paradise of Dainty Devices ; " purvide, which is not so bad, is in Chaucer. These, of course, are universal vulgarisms, and not peculiar to the Yankee. Butler has a Yankee phrase and pronunciation too in " To which these carr - ings-on did tend." Langham or Laneham, who wrote an account of the festivities at Kenilworth in honor of Queen Bess, and who evidently tried to spell phonetically, makes sorrows into sororz. Herrick writes hollow for halloo, and perhaps pronounced it (horresco suggerins /) holla, as Yankees do. Why not, when it comes from hold ? I find ffelaschyppe (fellowship) in the Coventry Plays. Spenser and his queen neither of them scrupled to write afore, and the former feels no inelegance even in chaw. Fore INTRODUCTION. 41 was common till after Herrick. Af eared was once universal. Warner has ery for ever a ; nay, he lias also illy, with which we were once ignorantly reproached by persons more famil iar with Murray s grammar than with Eng lish literature. And why not illy ? Mr. Bai t- lett says it is " a word used by writers of an inferior class, who do not seem to perceive that ill is itself an adverb, without the ter mination ly" and quotes Dr. Messer, Pres ident of Brown University, as asking tri umphantly, " Why don t you say welly ? " I should like to have had Dr. Messer answer his own question. It would be truer to say that it was used by people who still remem bered that ill was an adjective, the shortened form of evil, out of which Shakespeare ven tured to make evilly. The objection to illy is not an etymological one, but simply that it is contrary to good usage, a very sufficient reason. Ill as an adverb was at first a vul garism, precisely like the rustic s when he says, " I was treated bad." May not the reason of this exceptional form be looked for in that tendency to dodge what is hard to pronounce, to which I have already al luded ? If the letters were distinctly uttered as they should be, it would take too much 42 INTRODUCTION. time to say ill-ly, well-ly, and it is to be ob served that we have avoided smally and tally in the same way, though we add ish to them without hesitation in smallish and tallish. We have, to be sure, dully and fully, but for the one we prefer stupidly, and the other (though this may have come from eliding the y before as) is giving away to full. The uneducated, whose utterance is slower, still make adverbs when they will by adding like to all manner of adjectives. We have had big charged upon us, because we use it where an Englishman would now use great. I fully admit that it were better to distinguish be tween them, allowing to big a certain con temptuous quality, but as for authority, I want none better than that of Jeremy Tay lor, who, in his noble sermon " On the Re turn of Prayer," speaks of "Jesus, whose spirit was meek and gentle up to the great ness of the biggest example." As for our double negative, I shall waste no time in quoting instances of it, because it was once as universal in English as it still is in the neo-Latin languages, where it does not strike us as vulgar. I am not sure that the loss of it is not to be regretted. But surely I shall admit the vulgarity of slurring or altogether INTRODUCTION. 43 eliding certain terminal consonants ? I ad mit that a clear and sharp-cut enunciation is one of the crowning charms and elegancies of speech. Words so uttered are like coins fresh from the mint, compared with the worn and dingy drudges of long service, I do not mean American coins, for those look less badly, the more they lose of their original ugliness. No one is more painfully conscious than I of the contrast between the rifle-crack of an Englishman s yes and wo, and the wet-fuse drawl of the same monosyl lables in the mouths of my countrymen. But I do not find the dropping of final con sonants disagreeable in Allan Ramsay or Burns, nor do I believe that our literary an cestors were sensible of that inelegance in the fusing them together of which we are conscious. How many educated men pro nounce the t in chestnut? how many say pentise for penthouse, as they should? When a Yankee skipper says that he is " boun for Gloster " (not Gloucester, with the leave of the Universal Schoolmaster), he but speaks like Chaucer or an old ballad-singer, though they would have pronounced it boon. This is one of the cases where the d is surrepti tious, and has been added in compliment to 44 INTRODUCTION. the verb bind, with which it has nothing to do. If we consider the root of the word, (though of course I grant that every race has a right to do what it will with what is so peculiarly its own as its speech,) the d has no more right there than at the end of gone, where it is often put by children, who are our best guides to the sources of linguistic corruption, and the best teachers of its pro cesses. Cromwell, minister of Henry VIII., writes worle for world. Chapman has wan for wand, and lawn has rightfully displaced laund, though with no thought, I suspect, of etymology. Rogers tells us that Lady Ba- thurst sent him some letters written to Wil liam III. by Queen Mary, in which she ad dresses him as " Dear Husban" The old form expouri, which our farmers use, is more correct than the form with a barbarous d tacked on which has taken its place. Of the kind opposite to this, like our gownd for gown, and the London cockney s wind for wine, I find drownd for drown in the " Mis fortunes of Arthur " (1584), and in Swift. And, by the way, whence came the long sound of wind which our poets still retain, and which survives in " winding" a horn, a totally different word from " winding" a kite- INTRODUCTION. 45 string? We say behind and hinder (compar ative), and yet to hinder. SLakespeare pro nounced kind kind, or what becomes of his play on that word and kin in Hamlet ? Nay, did he not even (shall I dare to hint it?) drop the final d as the Yankee still does ? John Lilly plays in the same way on kindred and kindness. But to come to some other ancient instances. Warner rhymes bounds with crowns, grounds with towns, text with sex, worst with crust, interrupts with cups ; Drayton, defects with sex ; Chap man, amends with cleanse ; Webster, de fects with checks ; Ben Jonson, minds with combines ; Marston, trust and obsequious, clothes and shows ; Dryden gives the same sound to clothes, and has also minds with designs. Of course, I do not affirm that their ears may not have told them that these were imperfect rhymes (though I am by no means sure even of that), but they surely would never have tolerated any such, had they suspected the least vulgarity in them. Prior has the rhyme first and trust, but puts it into the mouth of a landlady. Swift has stunted and burnt it, an intentionally imper fect rhyme, no doubt, but which I cite as giving precisely the Yankee pronunciation 46 INTRODUCTION. of burned. Donne couples in unhallowed wedlock after and matter, thus seeming to give to both the true Yankee sound, and it is not uncommon to find after and daughter. Worse than all, in one of Dodsley s Old Plays we have onions rhyming with minions, I have tears in my eyes while I record it. And yet what is viler than the universal Misses (J/rs.) for Mistress ? This was once a vulgarism, and in " The Miseries of Inforced Marriage " the rhyme (printed as prose in Dodsley s Old Plays by Collier), " To make my young mistress, Delighting in kisses," is put in the mouth of the clown. Our peo ple say Injun for Indian. The tendency to make this change where i follows d is com mon. The Italian giorno and French jour from diurnus are familiar examples. And yet Injun is one of those depravations which the taste challenges peremptorily, though it have the authority of Charles Cotton, who rhymes " Indies " with " cringes," and four English lexicographers, beginning with Dr. Sheridan, bid us say invidgeous. Yet after all it is no worse than the debasement which all our terminations in tion and tience have undergone, which yet we hear with resigna- INTRODUCTION. 47 shun and payshunce, though it might have aroused both impat-i-ence and indigna-ti-on in Shakespeare s time. When George Her bert tells us that if the sermon be dull, " God takes a text and preacheth pati-ence," the prolongation of the word seems to con vey some hint at the longanimity of the vir tue. Consider what a poor curtal we have made of Ocean. There was something of his heave and expanse in o-ce-an, and Fletcher knew how to use it when he wrote so fine a verse as the second of these, the best deep- sea verse I know, "In desperate storms stem with a little rudder The tumbling ruins of the ocean." Oceanus was not then wholly shorn of his divine proportions, and our modern oshun sounds like the gush of small-beer in com parison. Some other contractions of ours have a vulgar air about them. More, n for more than, as one of the worst, may stand for a type of such. Yet our old dramatists are full of such obscurations (elisions they can hardly be called) of the th, making whe r of whether, bro r of brother, smo r of smother, mo r of mother, and so on. Indeed, it is this that explains the word rare (which 48 INTRODUCTION. has Dry den s support), and which we say of meat where an Englishman would use under done. I do not believe, with the dictiona ries, that it had ever anything to do with the Icelandic hrdr (raw?), as it plainly has not in rareripe, which means earlier ripe. And I do not believe it for this reason, that the earlier form of the word with us was, and the commoner now in the inland parts still is, so far as I can discover, raredone. I find rather as a monosyllable in Donne, and still better as giving the sound, rhym ing with fair in Warner. The contraction more n I find in the old play " Fuimus Troes," in a verse where the measure is so strongly accented as to leave it beyond doubt, "A golden crown whose heirs More than half the world subdue." It may be, however, that the contraction is in "th orld." Is our gin for given more violent than marl for marvel, which was once common, and which I find as late as Herrick ? Nay, Herrick has gin (spelling it g en), too, as do the Scotch, who agree with us likewise in preferring chimly to chimney. I will now leave pronunciation and turn to words or phrases which have been sup posed peculiar to us, only pausing to pick up INTRODUCTION. 49 a single dropped stitch in the pronunciation of the word sup reme, which I had thought native till I found it in the well-languaged Daniel. I will begin with a word of which I have never met with any example in print. We express the first stage of withering in a green plant suddenly cut down by the verb to wilt. It is, of course, own cousin of the German welken, but I have never come upon it in print, and my own books of reference give me faint help. Graff gives welhen, mar- cescere, and refers to weih (weak), and con- jecturally to A. S. hvelan. The A. S. weal- wian (to wither*) is nearer, but not so near as two words in the Icelandic, which perhaps put us on the track of its ancestry, velgi (teyefacere) and velki, with the derivative meaning contaminare. Wilt, at any rate, is a good word, filling, as it does, a sensible gap between drooping and withering, and the imaginative phrase "he wilted right down," like " he caved right in," is a true Americanism. Wilt occurs in English pro vincial glossaries, but is explained by wither, which with us it does not mean. We have a few words, such as cache, cohog, carry (port age), shoot (chute), timber (forest), bush whack (to pull a boat along by the bushes 50 INT ROD UC TJ ON. on the edge of a stream), buckeye (a pictur esque word for the horse-chestnut), but how many can we be said to have fairly brought into the language, as Alexander Gill, who first mentions Americanisms, meant it when he said, " Sed et ab Americanis nonnulla mutuamur ut MAIZ et CANOA " ? Very few, I suspect, and those mostly by borrowing from the French, German, Spanish, or Indian. " The Dipper " for the " Great Bear " strikes me as having a native air. Bogus, in the sense of worthless, is undoubtedly ours, but is, I more than suspect, a corruption of the French bagasse (from low Latin bagasea), which travelled up the Mississippi from New Orleans, where it was used for the refuse of the sugar-cane. It is true we have modified the meaning of some words. We use freshet in the sense of flood, for which I have not chanced upon any authority. Our New Eng land cross between Ancient Pistol and Du- gald Dalgetty, Captain Underbill, uses the word (1638) to mean a current, and I do not recollect it elsewhere in that sense. 1 therefore leave it with a ? for future ex plorers. Crick for creek I find in Captain John Smith and in the dedication of Fuller s "Holy "Warre," and run, meaning a small INTR OD UCTION. 51 stream, in Weymouth s " Voyage " (1605). Humans for men, which Mr. Bartlett in cludes in his " Dictionary of Americanisms," is Chapman s habitual phrase in his transla tion of Homer. I find it also in the old play of "The Hog hath lost his Pearl." Uoas for andirons is still current in New England, and in Walter de Biblesworth I find chiens glossed in the margin by and irons. Gunning for shooting is in Drayton. We once got credit for the poetical word fall for autumn, but Mr. Bartlett and the last edition of Webster s Dictionary refer us to Dry den. It is even older, for I find it in Drayton, and Bishop Hall has autumn fall. Middleton plays upon the word : " May st thou have a reasonable good spring, for thou art like to have many dangerous foul falls" Lord Herbert of Cherbury (more properly perhaps than even Sidney, the last preux chevalier^) has " the Emperor s folks " just as a Yankee would say it. Loan for lend, with which we have hitherto been blackened, I must retort upon the mother island, for it appears so long ago as in " Albion s England." Fleshy, in the sense of stout, may claim Ben Jonson s warrant. Chore is also Jonson s word, and I am in- 52 INTRODUCTION. clined to prefer it to chare and char, because I think that I see a more natural origin for it in the French jour, whence it might come to mean a day s work, and thence a job, than anj^where else. At oust for at once I thought a corruption of our own, till I found it in the Chester Plays. I am now inclined to suspect it no corruption at all, but only an erratic and obsolete superlative at onest. To progress was flung in our teeth till Mr. Pickering retorted with Shakespeare s " doth pro gress down thy cheeks." I confess that I was never satisfied with this answer, be cause the accent was different, and because the word might here be reckoned a substan tive quite as well as a verb. Mr. Bartlett (in his Dictionary above cited) adds a sur rebutter in a verse from Ford s " Broken Heart/ Here the word is clearly a verb, but with the accent unhappily still on the first syllable. Mr. Bartlett says that he " cannot say whether the word was used in Bacon s time or not." It certainly was, and with the accent we give to it. Ben Jonson, in the " Alchemist," has this verse, " Progress so from extreme unto extreme." Surely we may now sleep in peace, and our English cousins will forgive us, since we INTRODUCTION. 53 have cleared ourselves from any suspicion of originality in the matter! Poor for lean, thirds for dower, and dry for thirsty I find in Middleton s plays. Dry is also in Skel- ton and in the " World " (1754). In a note on Middleton, Mr. Dyce thinks it needful to explain the phrase I can t tell (universal in America) by the gloss / could not say. Middleton also uses snecked, which I had believed an Americanism till I saw it there. It is, of course, only another form of snatch^ analogous to theek and thatch (cf . the proper names Dekker and Thacher), break (braclc) and breach, make (still common with us) and match. Long on for occasioned by ("who is this long on?") occurs likewise in Middleton. Cause why is in Chaucer. ^Raising (an English version of the French leaven) for yeast is employed by Gayton in his " Festivous Notes on Don Quixote." I have never seen an instance of our New England word emptins in the same sense, nor can I divine its original. Gayton has limekill ; also shuts for shutters, and the latter is used by Mrs. Hutchinson in her " Life of Colonel Hutchinson." Bishop Hall, and Purchas in his " Pilgrims," have chist for chest, and it is certainly nearer cista as 54 INTRODUCTION. well as to the form in the Teutonic lan guages, whence we probably got it. We retain the old sound in cist, but chest is as old as Chaucer. Lovelace says wropt for wrapt. " Musicianer " I had always associ ated with the militia-musters of my boyhood, and too hastily concluded it an abomination of our own, but Mr. Wright calls it a Nor folk word, and I find it to be as old as 1642 by an extract in Collier. " Not worth the time of day " had passed with me for native till I saw it in Shakespeare s " Pericles." For slide (which is only a shorter sound of sleek, like crick and the now universal britches for breeches^) I will only call Chap man and Jonson. " That s a sure card ! " and " That s a stinger ! " both sound like modern slang, but you will find the one in the old interlude of "Thersytes" (1537), and the other in Middleton. " Right here," a favorite phrase with our orators and with a certain class of our editors, turns up passim in the Chester and Coventry plays. Mr. Dickens found something very ludicrous in what he considered our neologism right away. But I find a phrase very like it, and which I half suspect to be a misprint for it in " Gammer Gurton " : " Lyght it and bring it tite away." INTRODUCTION. 55 After all, what is it but another form of straightway ? Cussedness, meaning wicked ness, malignity, and cuss, a sneaking, ill- natured fellow, in such phrases as " He done it out o pure cussedness," and " He is a nateral cuss," have been commonly thought Yankeeisms. To vent certain contemptu ously-indignant moods they are admirable in their rough-and-ready way. But neither is our own. Cursydnesse, in the same sense of malignant wickedness, occurs in the Cov entry Plays, and cuss may perhaps claim to have come in with the Conqueror. At least the term is also French. Saint Simon uses it and confesses its usefulness. Speaking of the Abbd Dubois he says, " Qui dtoit en plein ce qu un mauvais francois appelle un sacre, mais qui ne se pent guere exprimer autre- ment." "Not worth a cuss," though sup ported by " not worth a damn," may be a mere corruption, since " not worth a cress " is in " Piers Ploughman." " I don t see it " was the popular slang a year or two ago, and seemed to spring from the soil ; but no, it is in Gibber s " Careless Husband." "Green sauce 1 for vegetables I meet in Beaumont and Fletcher, Gayton and else where. Our rustic pronunciation sahce (for 56 INTRODUCTION. either the diphthong au was anciently pro nounced ah, or else we have followed abund ant analogy in changing it to the latter sound, as we have in chance, dance, and so many more) may be the older one, and at least gives some hint at its ancestor salsa. Warn, in the sense of notify, is, I believe, now peculiar to us, but Pecock so employs it. To cotton to is, I rather think, an American ism. The nearest approach to it I have found is cotton together, in Congreve s " Love for Love." To cotton or cotten, in another sense, is old and common. Our word means to cling, and its origin, possibly, is to be sought in another direction, perhaps in A. S. mead, which means mud, clay (both pro verbially clinging), or better yet, in the Icelandic qvoda (otherwise Jc6d~), meaning resin and glue, which are KO.T e^o^v sticky substances. To spit cotton is, I think, American, and also, perhaps, to flax for to beat. To the halves still survives among us, though apparently obsolete in England. It means either to let or to hire a piece of land, receiving half the profit in money or in kind (partibus locare). I mention it because in a note by some English editor, to which I have lost my reference, I have seen it INTRODUCTION. 57 wrongly explained. The editors of Nares cite Burton. To put, in the sense of to go, as Put ! for Begone I would seem our own, and yet it is strictly analogous to the French se mettre d la voie, and the Italian mettersi in via. Indeed, Dante has a verse, " Io sarei [for mi sarei] gid messo per lo sentiero," which, but for the indignity, might be trans lated, " I should, ere this, have put along the way." I deprecate in advance any share in Gen eral Banks s notions of international law, but we may all take a just pride in his exuber ant eloquence as something distinctly Amer ican. When he spoke a few years ago of " letting the Union slide," even those who, for political purposes, reproached him with the sentiment, admired the indigenous virtue of his phrase. Yet I find " let the world slide " in Heywood s " Edward IV." ; and in Beaumont and Fletcher s " Wit without Money" Valentine says, "Will you go drink, And let the world slide ?" In the one case it is put into the mouth of a clown, in the other, of a gentleman, and was evidently proverbial. It has even higher sanction, for Chaucer writes, 58 INTRODUCTION. " Well nigh all other cures let he slide." Mr. Bartlett gives " above one s bend " as an Americanism ; but compare Hamlet s " to the top of my bent." In his tracks for im mediately has acquired an American accent, and passes where he can for a native, but is an importation nevertheless ; for what is he but the Latin e vestigio, or at best the Nor man French eneslespas, both which have the same meaning? Hotfoot (provincial also in England) I find in the old romance of " Tristan," "Si s en parti CHAUT PAS." Like for as is never used in New England, but is universal in the South and West. It has on its side the authority of two kings (ego sum rex Romanomm et supra gram- maticcnn), Henry VIII. and Charles I. This were ample, without throwing into the scale the scholar and poet Daniel. Them was used as a nominative by the Majesty of Ed ward VI., by Sir P. Hoby, and by Lord Paget (in Froude s " History "). I have never seen any passage adduced where guess was used as the Yankee uses it. The word was familiar in the mouths of our ancestors, but with a different shade of meaning from that we have given it, which is something IN TR OD UCTION. 59 like rather think, though the Yankee implies a confident certainty by it when he says, " I guess 1 du ! " There are two examples in Otway, one of which (" So in the struggle, I guess the note was lost ") perhaps might serve our purpose, and Coleridge s "I guess t was fearful there to see" certainly comes very near. But I have a higher authority than either in Selden, who, in one of his notes to the " Polyolbion," writes, " The first inventor of them (I guess you dislike not the addition) was one Ber- thold Swartz." Here he must mean by it, " I take it for granted." Another peculiar ity almost as prominent is the beginning sen tences, especially in answer to questions, with "well." Put before such a phrase as "How d e do? " it is commonly short, and has the sound of wul, but in reply it is deliberative, and the various shades of meaning which can be conveyed by difference of intonation, and by prolonging or abbreviating, I should vain ly attempt to describe. I have heard ooa- ahl, wahl, ahl, wdl, and something nearly approaching the sound of the le in able. Sometimes before "I" it dwindles to a mere Z, as " 1 /dunno." A friend of mine (why should I not please myself, though I dis- 60 INTRODUCTION. please him, by brightening my page with the initials of the most exquisite of humorists, J. H. ?) told me that he once heard five " wells," like pioneers, precede the answer to the inquiry about the price of land. The first was ordinary wul, in deference to cus tom ; the second, the long, perpending ooahl, with a falling inflection of the voice ; the third, the same, but with the voice rising, as if in despair of a conclusion, into a plaintive ly nasal whine ; the fourth, wulh, ending in the aspirate of a sigh ; and then, fifth, came a short, sharp, wal, showing that a conclu sion had been reached. I have used this lat ter form in the " Biglow Papers," because, if enough nasality be added, it represents most nearly the average sound of what I may call the interjection. A locution prevails in the Southern and Middle States which is so curious that, though never heard in New England, I will give a few lines to its discussion, the more readily because it is extinct elsewhere. I mean the use of allow in the sense of affirm^ as " I al low that s a good horse." I find the word so used in 1558 by Anthony Jenkinson in Hakluyt : " Corne they sowe not, neither doe eate any bread, mocking the Christians for INTRODUCTION. 61 the same, and disabling our strengthe, say ing we live by eating the top of a weede, and drinke a drinke made of the same, al lowing theyr great devouring of flesh and drinking of milke to be the increase of theyr strength. That is, they undervalued our strength, and affirmed their own to be the result of a certain diet. In another passage of the same narrative the word has its more common meaning of approving or praising : " The said king, much allowing this declara tion, said." Ducange quotes Bracton sub voce ADLOCARE for the meaning " to ad mit as proved," and the transition from this to " affirm " is by no means violent. At the same time, when we consider some of the meanings of allow in old English, and of al- louer in old French, and also remember that the verbs prize and praise are from one root, I think we must; admit allaudare to a share in the paternity of alloio. The sentence from Hakluyt would read equally well, " contemn ing our strengthe, . . . and praising (or valuing) their great eating of flesh as the cause of their increase in strength." After all, if we confine ourselves to allocare, it may turn out that the word was somewhere and somewhen used for to bet, analogously to put 62 INTRODUCTION. up, put down, post (cf. Spanish apostar*), and the like. I hear boys in the street con tinually saying, " I bet that s a good horse," or what not, meaning by no means to risk anything beyond their opinion in the matter. The word improve, in the sense of " to oc cupy, make use of, employ," as Dr. Picker ing defines it, he long ago proved to be no neologism. He would have done better, I think, had he substituted profit by for em ploy. He cites Dr. Franklin as saying that the word had never, so far as he knew, been used in New England before he left it in 1723, except in Dr. Mather s " Remarkable Providences," which he oddly calls a " very old book." Franklin, as Dr. Pickering goes on to show, was mistaken. Mr. Bartlett in his " Dictionary " merely abridges Pickering. Both of them should have confined the appli cation of the word to material things, its ex tension to which is all that is peculiar in the supposed American use of it. For surely " Complete Letter- Writers " have been "im proving this opportunity" time out of mind. I will illustrate the word a little further, because Pickering cites no English authori ties. Skelton has a passage in his "Phyl- lyp Sparowe," which I quote the rather as INTRO D UCTION. 6 3 it contains also the word allowed, and as it distinguishes improve from employ : " His [Chaucer s] Englysh well alowed, So as it is enprowed, For as it is employd, There is no English voyd." Here the meaning is to profit by. In Ful ler s "Holy Warre" (1647), we have "The Egyptians standing on the firm ground, were thereby enabled to improve and enforce their darts to the utmost." Here the word might certainly mean to make use of. Mrs. Hutch- inson (Life of Colonel H.) uses the word in the same way : " And therefore did not em- proove his interest to engage the country in the quarrell." I find it also in, "Strength out of Weakness " (1652), and Plutarch s " Morals " (1714), but I know of only one example of its use in the purely American sense, and that is, " a very good improve ment for a mill " in the " State Trials " (Speech of the Attorney-General in the Lady Ivy s case, 1684). In the sense of employ, I could cite a dozen old English authorities. In running over the fly-leaves of those de lightful folios for this reference, I find a note which reminds me of another word, for our abuse of which we have been deservedly 64 INTRODUCTION. ridiculed. I mean lady. It is true I might cite the example of the Italian donna l (do mino) which has been treated in the same way by a whole nation, and not, as lady among us, by the uncultivated only. It per haps grew into use in the half-democratic republics of Italy in the same way and for the same reasons as with us. But I admit that our abuse of the word is villanous. I know of an orator who once said in a public meeting where bonnets preponderated, that " the ladies were last at the cross and first at the tomb " ! But similar sins were com mitted before our day and in the mother country. In the " State Trials " I learn of "a gentlewoman that lives cook with" such a one, and I hear the Lord High Steward speaking of the wife of a waiter at a bagnio as a gentlewoman ! From the same author ity, by the way, I can state that our vile habit of chewing tobacco had the somewhat unsavory example of Titus Gates, and I know by tradition from an eye-witness that the elegant General Burgoyne partook of the same vice. Howell, in one of his letters (dated 26 August, 1623), speaks thus of an- l Dame, in English, is a decayed gentlewoman of the same family. INTRODUCTION. 65 other " institution " which many have thought American : " They speak much of that bois terous Bishop of Halverstadt, (for so they term him here,) that, having taken a place wher ther were two Monasteries of Nuns and Friers, he caus d divers feather-beds to be rip d, and all the feathers to be thrown in a great Hall, whither the Nuns and Friers were thrust naked with their bodies oil d and pitch d, and to tumble among the feath ers." Howell speaks as if the thing were new to him, and I know not if the " boister ous" Bishop was the inventor of it, but I find it practised in England before our Rev olution. Before leaving the subject, I will add a few comments made from time to time on the margin of Mr. Bartlett s excellent " Diction ary," to which I am glad thus publicly to acknowledge my many obligations. " Avails " is good old English, and the vails of Sir Joshua Reynolds s porter are famous. Averse from, averse to, and in connection with them the English vulgarism " different to." The corrupt use of to in these cases, as well as in the Yankee " he lives to Salem," " to home," and others, must be a very old one, for in the one case it plainly arose from con- 66 INTRODUCTION. founding the two French prepositions d (from Latin ad and 6), and in the other from translating the first of them. I once thought " different to " a modern vulgarism, and Mr. Thackeray, on my pointing it out to him in " Henry Esmond," confessed it to be an an achronism. Mr. Bartlett refers to " the old writers quoted in Richardson s Dictionary " for " different to," but in my edition of that work all the examples are with from. But I find to used invariably by Sir R. Hawkins in Hakluyt. Banjo is a negro corruption of O. E. bandore. Bind-weed can hardly be modern, for wood-bind is old and radi cally right, intertwining itself through bin- dan and windan with classic stems. Bob olink : is this a contraction for Bob o Lincoln ? I find bobolynes in one of the poems attributed to Skelton, where it may be rendered giddy-pate, a term very fit for the bird in his ecstasies. Cruel for great is in Hakluyt. Bowling-alley is in Nash s " Pierce Pennilesse." Curious, meaning nice, occurs continually in old writers, and is as old as Pecock s " Represser." Droger is O. E. drugger. Educational is in Burke. Feeze is only a form of fizz. To fix, in the American sense, I find used by the Commis- INTRODUCTION. 67 sioners of the United Colonies so early as 1675, * their arms well fixed and fit for ser vice." To take the foot in the hand is German ; so is to go under. Gundalow is old : I find gundelo in Hakluyt, and gun- dello in Booth s reprint of the folio Shake speare of 1623. Gonoff is O. E. fjnoffe. Heap is in "Piers Ploughman " (" and other names an heep "), and in Hakluyt (" seeing such a heap of their enemies ready to devour them "). To liquor is in the " Puritan " (" call em in, and liquor em a little"). To loaf: this, I think, is unquestionably Ger man. Laufen is pronounced lofen in some parts of Germany, and I once heard one German student say to another, Ich lauf (lofe) hier bis du wiederkehrest, and he be gan accordingly to saunter up and down, in short, to loaf. To mull, Mr. Bartlett says, means "to soften, to dispirit," and quotes from " Margaret," " There has been a pretty considerable mullin going on among the doctors," where it surely cannot mean what he says it does. We have always heard mulling used for stirring, bustling, some times in an underhand way. It is a meta phor derived probably from mulling wine, Jind the word itself must be a corruption of 68 INTRODUCTION. mell, from O. F. mesler. Pair of stairs is in Hakluyt. To pull up stakes is in Cur- wen s Journal, and therefore pre-Revolution- ary. I think I have met with it earlier. Raise : under this word Mr. Bartlett omits " to raise a house," that is, the frame of a wooden one, and also the substantive formed from it, a raisin . Setting-poles cannot be new, for I find " some set [the boats] with long poles " in Hakluyt. Shoulder-hitters : I find that shoulder-striker is old, though I have lost the reference to my authority. Snag is no new word, though perhaps the Western application of it is so ; but I find in Gill the proverb, " A bird in the bag is worth two on the snag." Trail: Hakluyt has " many wayes traled by the wilde beastes." I subjoin a few phrases not in Mr. Bart- lett s book which I have heard. Said- headed : " to go it bald-headed " ; in great haste, as where one rushes out without his hat. Bogue : " I don t git much done thout I bogue right in along th my men." Carry : a portage. Cat-nap : a short doze. Cat- stick : a small stick. Chowder-head : a muddle-brain. Cling-john : a soft cake of rye. Cocoa-nut : the head. Cohees : ap- INTRODUCTION, 69 plied to the people of certain settlements in Western Pennsylvania, from their use of the archaic form Quo 1 he. Dunnow z I know : the nearest your true Yankee ever comes to acknowledging ignorance. Essence-ped- ler : a skunk. First-rate and a half. Fish-flakes, for drying fish : O. E. fleck (cratis}. Gander-party: a social gathering of men only. Gawnicus : a dolt. Haw kins s whetstone: rum; in derision of one Hawkins, a well-known temperance-lecturer. Hyper : to bustle : " I mus hyper about an git tea." Keeler-tub : one in which dishes are washed. (" And Greasy Joan doth keel the pot.") Laptea : where the guests are too many to sit at table. Last of pea-time: to be hard-up. Lose-laid (loose-laid) : a weaver s term, and probably English ; weak- willed. Malahack : to cut up hastily or awkwardly. Moonglade : a beautiful word for the track of moonlight on the water. Off-ox : an unmanageable, cross-grained fel low. Old Driver, Old Splitfoot ; the Devil. Onhitch : to pull trigger (cf. Spanish dis- parar). Popular: conceited. Rote: sound of surf before a storm. Rot-gut : cheap whiskey ; the word occurs in Heywood s " English Traveller " and Addison s " Drum- 70 INTRODUCTION. mer," for a poor kind of drink. Seem : it is habitual with the New-Englander to put this verb to strange uses, as, " I can t seem to be suited," " I could n t seem to know him." Sidehill, for hillside. State-house : this seems an Americanism, whether invented or derived from the Dutch Stadhuys, I know not. Strike and string : from the game of ninepins ; to make a strike is to knock down all the pins with one ball, hence it has come to mean fortunate, successful. Swampers : men who break out roads for lumberers. Tormented : euphemism for damned, as, " not a tormented cent." Virginia fence, to make a : to walk like a drunken man. It is always worth while to note down the erratic words or phrases which one meets with in any dialect. They may throw light on the meaning of other words, on the re lationship of languages, or even on history itself. In so composite a language as ours they often supply a different form to ex press a different shade of meaning, as in viol and fiddle, thrid and thread, smother and smoulder, where the I has crept in by a false analogy with would. We have given back to England the excellent adjective lengthy, formed honestly like earthy, drouthy, and INTROD UCTION. 1 1 others, thus enabling their journalists to characterize our President s messages by a word civilly compromising between long and tedious, so as not to endanger the peace of the two countries by wounding our national sensitiveness to British criticism. Let me give two curious examples of the antiseptic property of dialects at which I have already glanced. Dante has dindi as a childish or low word for danari (money), and in Shrop shire small Roman coins are still dug up which the peasants call dinders. This can hardly be a chance coincidence, but seems rather to carry the word back to the Roman soldiery. So our farmers say chuk, chuk, to their pigs, and ciacco is one of the Italian words for hog. When a countryman tells us that he " fell all of a heap" I cannot help thinking that he unconsciously points to an affinity between our word tumble, and the Latin tumulus, that is older than most others. I believe that words, or even the mere intonation of them, have an astonish ing vitality and power of propagation by the root, like the gardener s pest, quitch- grass, 1 while the application or combination 1 Which, whether in that form, or under its aliases witch- grass and coocA-grass, points us back to its original Saxon quick. 72 INTR OD UCTION. of them may be new. It is in these last that my countrymen seem to me full of humor, invention, quickness of wit, and that sense of subtle analogy which needs only refining- to become fancy and imagination. Prosaic as American life seems in many of its aspects to a European, bleak and bare as it is on the side of tradition, and utterly orphaned of the solemn inspiration of antiquity, I cannot help thinking that the ordinary talk of unlettered men among us is fuller of metaphor and of phrases that suggest lively images than that of any other people I have seen. Very many such will be found in Mr. Bartlett s book, though his short list of proverbs at the end seem to me, with one or two exceptions, as un-American as possible. Most of them have no character at all but coarseness, and are quite too long-skirted for working prov erbs, in which language always " takes off its coat to it," as a Yankee would say. There are plenty that have a more native and puck- ery flavor, seedlings from the old stock often, and yet new varieties. One hears such not seldom among us Easterners, and the West would yield many more. " Mean enough to steal acorns from a blind hog " ; " Cold as the north side of a Jenooary gravestone by INTRODUCTION. 73 starlight " ; " Hungry as a graven image " ; " Pop lar as a hen with one chicken " ; " Quicker n greased lightnin " ; " Ther s sech a thing ez bein tu " ; " Stingy enough to skim his milk at both eends " ; " Hot as the Devil s kitchen " ; " Handy as a pocket in a shirt " ; " He s a whole team and the dog under the wagon " ; " All deacons are good, but there s odds in deacons " (to dea con berries is to put the largest atop) ; " So thievish they hev to take in their stone walls nights " ; 1 may serve as specimens. " I take my tea barfoot" said a backwoodsman when asked if he would have cream and sugar. (I find barfoot, by the way, in the Coventry Plays.) A man speaking to me once of a very rocky clearing said, " Stone s got a pretty heavy mortgage on that land," and I overheard a guide in the woods say to his companions who were urging him to sing, " Wai, I did sing once, but toons gut in vented, an thet spilt my trade." Whoever has driven over a stream by a bridge made of slabs will feel the picturesque force of the epithet slab-bridged applied to a fellow 1 And, by the way, the Yankee never says " o nights," but uses the older adverbial form, analogous to the German nachts. 74 INTRO D UC TION. of shaky character. Almost every county has some good die-sinker in phrase, whose mintage passes into the currency of the whole neighborhood. Such a one described the county jail (the one stone building where all the dwellings are of wood) as "the house whose underpinnin come up to the eaves," and called hell " the place where they did n t rake up their fires nights." I once asked a stage-driver if the other side of a hill were as steep as the one we were climbing : " Steep ? chain-lightnin could n go down it thout puttin the shoe on ! " And this brings me back to the exaggeration of which I spoke before. To me there is something very taking in the negro " so black that charcoal made a chalk-mark on him," and the wooden shingle "painted so like marble that it sank in water," as if its very consciousness or its vanity had been over-persuaded by the cun ning of the painter. I heard a man, in order to give a notion of some very cold weather, say to another that a certain Joe, who had been taking mercury, found a lump of quick silver in each boot, when he went home to dinner. This power of rapidly dramatizing a dry fact into flesh and blood, and the vivid conception of Joe as a human thermometer, INTRODUCTION. 75 strike me as showing a poetic sense that may be refined into faculty. At any rate, there is humor here, and not mere quickness of wit, the deeper and not the shallower qual ity. The tendency of humor is always to wards overplus of expression, while the very essence of wit is its logical precision. Cap tain Basil Hall denied that our people had any humor, deceived, perhaps, by their grav ity of manner. But this very seriousness is often the outward sign of that humorous quality of the mind which delights in finding an element of identity in things seemingly the most incongruous, and then again in forcing an incongruity upon things identical. Perhaps Captain Hall had no humor him self, and if so he would never find it. Did he always feel the point of what was said to himself? I doubt it, because I happen to know a chance he once had given him in vain. The Captain was walking up and down the veranda of a country tavern in Massachusetts, while the coach changed horses. A thunder-storm was going on, and, with that pleasant European air of indirect self-compliment in condescending to be sur prised by American merit, which we find so conciliating, he said to a countryman loung- 76 INTRODUCTION. ing against the door, " Pretty heavy thunder you have here." The other, who had di vined at a glance his feeling of generous concession to a new country, drawled gravely, " Waal, we du, considerin the number of inhabitants." This, the more I analyze it, the more humorous does it seem. The same man was capable of wit also, when he would. He was a cabinet-maker, and was once em ployed to make some commandment-tables for the parish meeting-house. The parson, a very old man, annoyed him by looking into his workshop every morning, and cautioning him to be very sure to pick out " clear ma hogany without any knots in it." At last, wearied out, he retorted one day, " Wai, Dr. B., I guess ef I was to leave the nots out o some o the c man ments, t ould soot you full ezwal!" If I had taken the pains to write down the proverbial or pithy phrases I have heard, or if I had sooner thought of noting the Yankeeisms I met with in my reading, I might have been able to do more justice to my theme. But I have done all I wished in respect to pronunciation, if I have proved that where we are vulgar, we have the coun tenance of very good company. For, as to INTRODUCTION. 77 the jus et norma loquendi, I agree with Horace and those who have paraphrased or commented him, from Boileau to Gray. I think that a good rule for style is Galiani s definition of sublime oratory, " Fart de tout dire sans etre mis a la Bastille dans un pays ou il est defendu de rien dire." I pro fess myself a fanatical purist, but with a hearty contempt for the speech-gilders who affect purism without any thorough, or even pedagogic, knowledge of the engendure, growth, and affinities of the noble language about whose mesalliances they profess (like Dean Alford) to be so solicitous. If they had their way ! " Doch es sey," says Lessing, " dass jene gothische Hoflichkeit eine unentbehrliche Tugend des heutigen Umganges ist. Soil sie darum unsere Schriften eben so schaal und falsch machen als unsern Umgang ? " And Drayton was not far wrong in affirming that " T is possible to climb, To kindle, or to slake, Although in Skelton s rhyme." Cumberland in his Memoirs tells us that when in the midst of Admiral Rodney s great sea-fight, Sir Charles Douglas said to him, " Behold, Sir George, the Greeks and Tro- 78 INTRODUCTION. jans contending for the body of Patroclus ! " the Admiral answered, peevishly, " Damn the Greeks and damn the Trojans ! I have other things to think of." After the battle was won, Rodney thus to Sir Charles, " Now, my dear friend, I am at the service of your Greeks and Trojans, and the whole of Ho mer s Iliad, or as much of it as you please ! " I had some such feeling of the impertinence of our pseudo-classicality when I chose our homely dialect to work in. Should we be nothing, because somebody had contrived to be something (and that perhaps in a provin cial dialect) ages ago ? and to be nothing by our very attempt to be that something which they had already been, and which therefore nobody could be again without being a bore ? Is there no way left, then, I thought, of being natural, of being naif, which means nothing more than native, of belong ing to the age and country in which you are born ? The Yankee, at least, is a new phe nomenon ; let us try to be that. It is per haps a pis aller, but is not No Thorough fare written up everywhere else ? In the literary world, things seemed to me very much as they were in the latter half of the last century. Pope, skimming the cream INTRODUCTION. 79 of good sense and expression wherever he could find it, had made, not exactly poetry, but an honest, salable butter of worldly wis dom which pleasantly lubricated some of the drier morsels of life s daily bread, and see ing this, scores of harmlessly insane people went on for the next fifty years coaxing his buttermilk with the regular up and down of the pentameter churn. And in our day, do we not scent everywhere, and even carry away in our clothes against our will, that faint perfume of musk which Mr. Tennyson has left behind him, or, worse, of Heine s pachouli ? And might it not be possible to escape them by turning into one of our nar row New England lanes, shut in though it were by bleak stone walls on either hand, and where no better flowers were to be gathered than the golden-rod and the hard- hack? Beside the advantage of getting out of the beaten track, our dialect offered others hardly inferior. As I was about to make an endeavor to state them, I remembered some thing which the clear-sighted Goethe had said about Hebel s Allemannische Gedichte, which, making proper deduction for special reference to the book under review, ex- 80 INTRODUCTION. presses what I would have said far better than I could hope to do : " Allen diesen in- nern guten Eigenschaften kommt die beha- gliche naive Sprache sehr zu statten. Man findet mehrere sinnlich bedeutende und wohl- klingende Worte .... von einem, zwei Buch- staben, Abbreviationen, Contractionen, viele kurze, leichte Sylben, neue Reime, welches, mehr als man glaubt, ein Yortheil f ur den Dichter ist. Diese Elemente werden durch gliickliche Constructionen und lebhafte For- men zu einem Styl zusammengedrangt der zu diesem Zwecke vor unserer Biichersprache grosse Vorziige hat." Of course I do not mean to imply that I have come near achiev ing any such success as the great critic here indicates, but I think the success is there, and to be plucked by some more fortunate hand. Nevertheless, I was encouraged by the ap proval of many whose opinions I valued. With a feeling too tender and grateful to be mixed with any vanity, I mention as one of these the late A. H. Clough, who, more than any one of those I have known (no longer living), except Hawthorne, impressed me with the constant presence of that indefin able thing we call genius. He often sug- INT ROD UCTION. 8 1 gested that I should try my hand at some Yankee Pastorals, which would admit of more sentiment and a higher tone without foregoing the advantage offered by the dia lect. I have never completed anything of the kind, but in this Second Series, both my remembrance of his counsel and the deeper feeling called up by the great interests at stake led me to venture some passages nearer to what is called poetical than could have been admitted without incongruity into the former series. The time seemed calling to me, with the old poet, "Leave, then, your wonted prattle, The oaten reed forbear; For I hear a sound of battle, And trumpets rend the air ! " The only attempt I had ever made at any thing like a pastoral (if that may be called an attempt which was the result almost of pure accident) was in " The Courtin ." While the introduction to the First Series was going through the press, I received word from the printer that there was a blank page left which must be filled. I sat down at once and improvised another fictitious " notice of the press," in which, because verse would fill up space more cheaply than 82 INTRODUCTION. prose, I inserted an extract from a supposed ballad of Mr. Biglow. I kept no copy of it, and the printer, as directed, cut it off when the gap was filled. Presently I began to receive letters asking for the rest of it, some times for the balance of it. I had none, but to answer such demands, I patched a con clusion upon it in a later edition. Those who had only the first continued to impor tune me. Afterward, being asked to write it out as an autograph for the Baltimore Sanitary Commission Fair, I added other verses, into some of which I infused a little more sentiment in a homely way, and after a fashion completed it by sketching in the characters and making a connected story. Most likely I have spoiled it, but I shall put it at the end of this Introduction, to answer once for all those kindly importunings. As I have seen extracts from what pur ported to be writings of Mr. Biglow, which were not genuine, I may properly take this opportunity to say, that the two volumes now published contain every line I ever printed under that pseudonyme, and that I have never, so far as I can remember, writ ten an anonymous article (elsewhere than in the North American Review, and the At- INTRODUCTION. 83 lantlc Monthly, during my editorship of it) except a review of Mrs. Stowe s " Minister s Wooing," and, some twenty years ago, a sketch of the anti-slavery movement in America for an English journal. A word more on pronunciation. I have en deavored to express this so far as I could by the types, taking such pains as, I fear, may sometimes make the reading harder than need be. At the same time, by studying uniformity I have sometimes been obliged to sacrifice minute exactness. The empha sis often modifies the habitual sound. For example, for is commonly far (a shorter sound than fur foryr), but when emphatic it always becomes for, as " wut for ? " So too is pronounced like to (as it was ancient ly spelt), and to like ta (the sound as in the tou of toucJi), but too, when emphatic, changes into tue and to, sometimes, in sim ilar cases, into toe, as, " I did n hardly know wut toe du ! " Where vowels come together, or one precedes another following an aspi rate, the two melt together, as was common with the older poets who formed their versi fication on French or Italian models. Dray- ton is thoroughly Yankee when he says " I xpect," and Pope when he says " t inspire." 84 INTRODUCTION. With becomes sometimes ith, uth, or th, or even disappears wholly where it comes before the, as, " I went along th Square " (along with the Squire), the are sound being an archaism which I have noticed also in choir, like the old Scottish quhair. (Iler- rick has, " Of flowers ne er sucked by th theeving bee.") Without becomes athout and Athout. Afterwards always retains its locative s, and is pronounced always ahter- wurds , with a strong accent on the last syl lable. This oddity has some support in the erratic towards instead of to ivards, which we find in the poets and sometimes hear. The sound given to the first syllable of to - wards, I may remark, sustains the Yankee lengthening of the o in to. At the begin ning of a sentence, ahterwurds has the ac cent on the first syllable ; at the end of one, on the last ; as ah terwurds he tol me," " ho tol me ahterwurds " The Yankee never makes a mistake in his aspirates. U changes in many words to e, always in such, brush, tush, hush, rush, blush, seldom in much, oftener in trust and crust, never in mush, gust, bust, tumble, or (?) flush, in the latter case probably to avoid confusion with flesh. I have heard flush with the e sound, how- INTRODUCTION. 85 ever. For the same reason, I suspect, never in gush, (at least, I never heard it,) because we have already one gesh for gash. A and i short frequently become e short. U al ways becomes o in the prefix un (except unto}, and o in return changes to u short in uv for of, and in some words beginning with om. T and d, b and p, v and w, remain intact. So much occurs to me in addition to what I said on this head in the preface to the former volume. Of course in what I have said I wish to be understood as keeping in mind the dif ference between provincialisms properly so called and slang. Slang is always vulgar, because it is not a natural but an affected way of talking, and all mere tricks of speech or writing are offensive. I do not think that Mr. Biglow can be fairly charged with vul garity, and I should have entirely failed in my design, if I have not made it appear that high and even refined sentiment may coexist with the shrewder and more comic elements of the Yankee character. I believe that what is essentially vulgar and mean-spirited in politics seldom has its source in the body of the people, but much rather among those who are made timid by their wealth or self- 86 INTRODUCTION. ish by their love of power. A democracy can afford much better than an aristocracy to follow out its convictions, and is perhaps better qualified to build those convictions on plain principles of right and wrong, rather than on the shifting sands of expediency. I had always thought " Sam Slick " a libel on the Yankee character, and a complete falsi fication of Yankee modes of speech, though, for aught I know, it may be true in both respects so far as the British Provinces are concerned. To me the dialect was native, was spoken all about me when a boy, at a time when an Irish day-laborer was as rare as an American one now. Since then I have made a study of it so far as opportunity al lowed. But when I write in it, it is as in a mother tongue, and I am carried back far beyond any studies of it to long-ago noonings in my father s hay-fields, and to the talk of Sam and Job over their jug of blackstrap under the shadow of the ash-tree which still dapples the grass whence they have been gone so long. But life is short, and prefaces should be. And so, my good friends, to whom this introductory epistle is addressed, farewell. Though some of you have remonstrated INTRODUCTION. 87 with me, I shall never write any more " Big- low Papers," however great the temptation, great especially at the present time, un less it be to complete the original plan of this Series by bringing out Mr. Sawin as an " original Union man." The very favor with which they have been received is a hin drance to me, by forcing on me a self-con sciousness from which I was entirely free when I wrote the First Series. Moreover, I am no longer the same careless youth, with nothing to do but live to myself, my books, and my friends, that I was then. I always hated politics, in the ordinary sense of the word, and I am not likely to grow fonder of them, now that I have learned how rare it is to find a man who can keep principle clear from party and personal prejudice, or can conceive the possibility of another s doing so. I feel as if I could in some sort claim to be an emeritus, and I am sure that polit ical satire will have full justice done it by that genuine and delightful humorist, the Rev. Petroleum V. Nasby. I regret that I killed off Mr. Wilbur so soon, for he would have enabled me to bring into this preface a number of learned quotations, which must now go a-begging, and would have enabled 88 INTRODUCTION. me to dispersonalize myself into a vicarious egotism. He would have helped me also in clearing myself from a charge which I shall briefly touch on, because my friend Mr. Hughes has found it needful to defend me in his preface to one of the English editions of the "Biglow Papers." I thank Mr. Hughes heartily for his friendly care of my good name, and were his Preface accessible to my readers here, (as I am glad it is not, for its partiality makes me blush,) I should leave the matter where he left it. The charge is of profanity, brought in by per sons who proclaimed African slavery of Di vine institution, and is based (so far as I have heard) on two passages in the First Series, " An you ve gut to git up airly, Ef you want to take in God," and, " God 11 send the bill to you," and on some Scriptural illustrations by Mr. Sawin. Now, in the first place, I was writ ing under an assumed character, and must talk as the person would whose mouthpiece I made myself. Will any one familiar with the New England countryman venture to tell me that he does not speak of sacred things INTRODUCTION. 89 familiarly? that Biblical allusions (allu sions, that is, to the single book with whose language, from his church-going habits, he is intimate) are not frequent on his lips? If so, he cannot have pursued his studies of the character on so many long-ago muster- fields and at so many cattle-shows as I. But I scorn any such line of defence, and will confess at once that one of the things I am proud of in my countrymen is (I am not speaking now of such persons as I have as sumed Mr. Sawin to be) that they do not put their Maker away far from them, or in terpret the fear of God into being afraid of Him. The Talmudists had conceived a deep truth when they said, that " all things were in the power of God, save the fear of God ; " and when people stand in great dread of an invisible power, I suspect they mistake quite another personage for the Deity. I might justify myself for the pas sages criticised by many parallel ones from Scripture, but I need not. The Reverend Homer Wilbur s note-books supply me with three apposite quotations. The first is from a Father of the Roman Church, the second from a Father of the Anglican, and the third from a Father of modern English poetry. 90 INTRODUCTION. The Puritan divines would furnish me with many more such. St. Bernard says, Sapiens nummularius est Deus : nummum jlctum non recipiet ; " A cunning money-changer is God : he will take in no base coin." Lati- mer says, " You shall perceive that God, by this example, shaketh us by the noses and taketh us by the ears." Familiar enough, both of them, one would say ! But I should think Mr. Biglow had verily stolen the last of the two maligned passages from Dryden s " Don Sebastian," where I find "And beg of Heaven to charge the bill on me ! " And there I leave the matter, being willing to believe that the Saint, the Martyr, and even the Poet, were as careful of God s honor as my critics are ever likely to be. J. R. L. INTRODUCTION. 91 THE COURTIN . GOD makes sech nights, all white an still Fur z you can look or listen, Moonshine an snow on field an hill, All silence an all glisten. Zekle crep up quite unbeknown An peeked in thru the winder, An there sot Huldy all alone, Ith no one nigh to hender. A fireplace filled the room s one side With half a cord o wood in There warn t no stoves (tell comfort died) To bake ye to a puddin . The wa nut logs shot sparkles out Towards the pootiest, bless her, An leetle flames danced all about The chiny on the dresser. Agin the chimbley crook-necks hung, An in amongst em rusted The ole queen s-arm thet gran ther Young Fetched back from Concord busted. 92 INTRODUCTION. The very room, coz she was in, Seemed warm from floor to ceilin , An she looked full ez rosy agin Ez the apples she was peelin . T was kin o kingdom-come to look On sech a blessed cretur, A dogrose blushin to a brook Ain t modester nor sweeter. He was six foot o man, A 1, Clean grit an human natur ; None could n t quicker pitch a ton Nor dror a furrer straighter. He d sparked it with full twenty gals, Hed squired em, danced em, druv em, Fust this one, an then thet, by spells All is, he could n t love em. But long o her his veins ould run All crinkly like curled maple, The side she breshed felt full o sun Ez a south slope in Ap il. She thought no v ice bed sech a swing Ez hisn in the choir ; My ! when he made Ole Hunderd ring, She knowed the Lord was nigher. INTRODUCTION. 93 An she d blush scarlit, right in prayer, When her new meetin -bunnet Felt somehow thru its crown a pair O blue eyes sot upon it. Thet night, I tell ye, she looked some ! She seemed to ve gut a new soul, For she felt sartin-sure he d come, Down to her very shoe-sole. She heered a foot, an knowed it tu, A-raspin on the scraper, All ways to once her feelins flew Like sparks in burnt-up paper. He kin o litered on the mat Some doubtfle o the sekle, His heart kep goin pity-pat, But hern went pity Zekle. An yit she gin her cheer a jerk Ez though she wished him furder, An on her apples kep to work, Parin away like murder. " You want to see my Pa, I s pose ? " Wai ... no ... I come dasignin " " To see my Ma ? She s sprinklin clo es Agin to-morrer s i nin ." 94 INTRODUCTION. To say why gals acts so or so, Or don t, ould be presumin ; Mebby to mean yes an say no Comes nateral to women. He stood a spell on one foot fust, Then stood a spell on t other, An on which one he felt the wust He could n t ha told ye nuther. Says he, " 1 d better call agin ; " Says she, " Think likely, Mister ; " Thet last word pricked him like a pin, An . . . Wai, he up an lust her. When Ma bimeby upon em slips, Huldy sot pale ez ashes, All kin o smily roun the lips An teary roun the lashes. For she was jes the quiet kind Whose naturs never vary, Like streams that keep a summer mind Snowhid in Jenooary. The blood clost roun her heart felt glued Too tight for all expressing Tell mother see how metters stood, And gin em both her blessin . INTRODUCTION. 95 Then her red come back like the tide Down to the Bay o Fundy, An all I know is they was cried In meetin come nex Sunday. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. No. I. BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN, ESQ., TO MR. HOSEA BIGLOW. LETTER FROM THE REVEREND HOMER WILBUR, M. A., ENCLOSING THE EPISTLE AFORESAID. JAALAM, 15th Nov., 1861. IT is not from any idle wish to obtrude my humble person with undue prominence upon the public view that I resume my pen upon the present occasion. Juniores ad la- bores. But having been a main instrument in rescuing the talent of my young parish ioner from being buried in the ground, by giving it such warrant with the world as could be derived from a name already widely known by several printed discourses (all of which I may be permitted without immod esty to state have been deemed worthy of preservation in the Library of Harvard Col- 98 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. lege by nay esteemed friend Mr. Sibley), it seemed becoming that I should not only tes tify to the genuineness of the following pro duction, but call attention to it, the more as Mr. Billow had so long been silent as to be O O in danger of absolute oblivion. I insinuate O no claim to any share in the authorship (vix ea nostra voco) of the works already pub lished by Mr. Biglow, but merely take to myself the credit of having fulfilled toward them the office of taster (experto crede), who, having first tried, could afterward bear witness (credenzen it was aptly named by the Germans), an office always arduous, and sometimes even dangerous, as in the case of those devoted persons who venture their lives in the deglutition of patent medicines (dolus latetin generalibus, there is deceit in the most of them) and thereafter are wonder fully preserved long enough to append their signatures to testimonials in the diurnal and hebdomadal prints. I say not this as cov ertly glancing at the authors of certain man uscripts which have been submitted to my literary judgment (though an epic in twen ty-four books on the Taking of Jericho " might, save for the prudent forethought of Mrs. Wilbur in secreting the same just as I THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 99 had arrived beneath the walls and was be ginning a catalogue of the various horns and their blowers, too ambitiously emulous in lon ganimity of Homer s list of ships, might, I say, have rendered frustrate any hope I could entertain vacare Musis for the small remainder of my days), but only the further to secure myself against any imputation of unseemly forthputting. I will barely sub join, in this connection, that, whereas Job was left to desire, in the soreness of his heart, that his adversary had written a book, as perchance misanthropically wishing to indite a review thereof, yet was not Satan allowed so far to tempt him as to send Bil- dad, Eliphaz, and Zophar each with an un- printed work in his wallet to be submitted to his censure. But of this enough. Were I in need of other excuse, I might add that I write by the express desire of Mr. Big- low himself, whose entire winter leisure is occupied, as he assures me, in answering demands for autographs, a labor exacting enough in itself, and egregiously so to him, who, being no ready penman, cannot sign so much as his name without strange contor tions of the face (his nose, even, being es sential to complete success) and painfully 100 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. suppressed Saint -Vitus-dance of every mus cle in his body. This, with his having been put in the Commission of the Peace by our excellent Governor ( 0, si sic omnes ! ) im mediately on his accession to office, keeps him continually employed. Hand inexper- tus loquor, having for many years written myself J. P., and being not seldom applied to for specimens of my chirography, a re quest to which I have sometimes over weakly assented, believing as I do that nothing writ ten of set purpose can properly be called an autograph, but only these unpremeditated sallies and lively runnings which betray the fireside Man instead of the hunted Notoriety doubling on his pursuers. But it is time that I should bethink me of St. Austin s prayer, libera me a meipso, if I would ar rive at the matter in hand. Moreover, I had yet another reason for taking up the pen myself. I am informed that the Atlantic Monthly is mainly in debted for its success to the contributions and editorial supervision of Dr. Holmes, whose excellent " Annals of America " occupy an honored place upon my shelves. The jour nal itself I have never seen ; but if this be so, it might seem that the recommendation THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 101 of a brother-clergyman (though par magis quam similis} should carry a greater weight. I suppose that you have a department for historical lucubrations, and should be glad, if deemed desirable, to forward for publica tion my " Collections for the Antiquities of Jaalam," and my (now happily complete) pedigree of the Wilbur family from its t /bns et origo, the Wild Boar of Ardennes. With drawn from the active duties of my profes sion by the settlement of a colleague-pastor, the Reverend Jeduthun Hitchcock, formerly of Brutus Four-Corners, I might find tin-.e for further contributions to general litera ture on similar topics. I have made large advances towards a completer genealogy of Mrs. Wilbur s family, the Pilcoxes, not, if I know myself, from any idle vanity, but with the sole desire of rendering myself useful in my day and generation. Nulla dies sine lined. I inclose a meteorological register, a list of the births, deaths, and marriages, and a few memorabilia of longevity in Jaa lam East Parish for the last half-century. Though spared to the unusual period of more than eighty years, I find no diminution of my faculties or abatement of my natural vigor, except a scarcely sensible decay of 102 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. memory and a necessity of recurring to younger eyesight or spectacles for the finer print in Cruden. It would gratify me to make some further provision for declining years from the emoluments of my literary labors. I had intended to effect an insur ance on my life, but was deterred therefrom by a circular from one of the offices, in which the sudden death of so large a propor tion of the insured was set forth as an in ducement, that it seemed to me little less than a tempting of Providence. Neque in summd inopid levis esse senectus potest, ne sapienti quidem. Thus far concerning Mr. Biglow ; and so much seemed needful (brevis esse laboro^) by way of preliminary, after a silence of fourteen years. He greatly fears lest he may in this essay have fallen below himself, well knowing that, if exercise be dangerous on a full stomach, no less so is writing on a full reputation. Beset as he has been on all sides, he could not refrain, and would only imprecate patience till he shall again have "got the hang " (as he calls it) of an accom plishment long disused. The letter of Mr. Sawin was received some time in last June, and others have followed which will in due THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 103 season be submitted to the public. How largely his statements are to be depended on, I more than merely dubitate. He was al ways distinguished for a tendency to exag geration it might almost be qualified by a stronger term. Portiter mentire, aliquid hceret, seemed to be his favorite rule of rhet oric. That he is actually where he says he is the post-mark would seem to confirm ; that he was received with the public demonstra tions he describes would appear consonant with what we know of the habits of those re gions ; but further than this I venture not to decide. I have sometimes suspected a vein of humor in him which leads him to speak by contraries ; but since, in the unstrained intercourse of private life, I have never ob served in him any striking powers of inven tion, I am the more willing to put a certain qualified faith in the incidents and details of life and manners which give to his narra tives some portion of the interest and enter tainment which characterizes a Century Ser mon. It may be expected of me that I should say something to justify myself with the world for a seeming inconsistency with my well-known principles in allowing my young- 104 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. est son to raise a company for the war, a fact known to all through the medium of the public prints. I did reason with the young man, but expellas naturam furcd, tamen usque recurrit. Having myself been a chap lain in 1812, I could the less wonder that a man of war had sprung from my loins. It was, indeed, grievous to send my Benjamin, the child of my old age ; but after the dis comfiture of Manassas, I with my own hands did buckle on his armor, trusting in the great Comforter and Commander for strength ac cording to my need. For truly the memory of a brave son dead in his shroud were a greater staff of my declining years than a living coward, (if those may be said to have lived who carry all of themselves into the grave with them), though his days might be long in the land, and he should get much goods. It is not till our earthen vessels are broken that we find and truly possess the treasure that was laid up in them. Migravi in animam meam, I have sought refuge in my own soul ; nor would I be shamed by the heathen comedian with his Nequam illud verbum, bene vult, nisi bene facit. During our dark days, I read constantly in the in spired book of Job, which I believe to con- THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 105 tain more food to maintain the fibre of the soul for right living and high thinking than all pagan literature together, though I would by no means vilipend the study of the clas sics. There I read that Job said in his de spair, even as the fool saith in his heart there is no God, " The tabernacles of rob bers prosper, and they that provoke God are secure." (Job xii. 6.) But I sought farther till I found this Scripture also, which I would have those perpend who have striven to turn our Israel aside to the worship of strange gods : " If I did despise the cause of my man-servant or of my maid-servant when they contended with me, what then shall I do when God riseth up ? and when he visit- eth, what shall I answer him ? " (Job xxxi. 13, 14.) On this text I preached a discourse on the last day of Fasting and Humiliation with general acceptance, though there were not wanting one or two Laodiceans who said that I should have waited till the President announced his policy. But let us hope and pray, remembering this of Saint Gregory, Vult Deus rogari, vult cogi, vult quadam importunitate vinci. We had our first fall of snow on Friday last. Frosts have been unusually backward 106 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. this fall. A singular circumstance occurred in this town on the 20th October, in the fam ily of Deacon Pelatiah Tinkham. On the previous evening, a few moments before fam ily-prayers, [The editors of the Atlantic find it neces sary here to cut short the letter of their val ued correspondent, which seemed calculated rather on the rates of longevity in Jaalam than for less favored localities. They have every encouragement to hope that he will write again.] With esteem and respect, Your obedient servant, HOMER WILBUR, A. M. IT s some consid ble of a spell sence I hain t writ no letters, An ther s gret changes hez took place in all po- lit cle metters : Some canderdates air dead an gone, an some hez ben defeated, Which mounts to pooty much the same ; fer it s ben proved repeated A betch o bread thet hain t riz once ain t goin to rise agin, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 107 An it s jest money throwed away to put the emptins in : But thet s wut folks wun t never larn ; they dunno how to go, Arter you want their room, no more n a bullet- headed beau ; Ther s oilers chaps a-hangin roun thet can t see pea-time s past, Mis ble as roosters in a rain, heads down an tails half-mast : It ain t disgraceful bein beat, when a holl nation doos it, But Chance is like an amberill, it don t take twice to lose it. I spose you re kin o cur ous, now, to know why I hain t writ. Wai, I ve ben where a litt ry taste don t some how seem to git Th encouragement a feller d think, thet s used to public schools, An where sech things ez paper n ink air clean agin the rules : A kind o vicy varsy house, built dreffle strong an stout, So s t honest people can t git in, ner t other sort git out, An with the winders so contrived, you d prob ly like the view Better alookin in than out, though it seems sin- g lar, tu ; 108 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. But then the landlord sets by ye, can t bear ye out o sight, And locks ye up ez reg lar ez an outside door at night. This world is awfle contrary : the .rope may stretch your neck Thet mebby kep another chap from washin off a wreck ; An you may see the taters grow in one poor feller s patch, So small no self-respectin hen thet vallied time ould scratch, So small the rot can t find em out, an then agin nex door, Ez big ez wut hogs dream on when they re most too fat to snore. But groutin ain t no kin o use ; an ef the fust throw fails, Why, up an try agin, thet s all, the coppers ain t all tails ; Though I hev seen em when I thought they hed n t no more head Than d sarve a nussin Brigadier thet gits some ink to shed. When I writ last, I d ben turned loose by thet blamed nigger, Pomp, Ferlorner than a musquash, ef you d took an dreened his swamp : TEE BIGLOW PAPERS. 109 But I ain t o the meechin kind, thet sets an thinks fer weeks The bottom s out o th univarse coz their own gillpot leaks. I hed to cross bayous an criks, (wal, it did beat all natur ,) Upon a kin o corderoy, fust log, then alligator : Luck ly the critters warn t sharp-sot ; I guess t wuz overruled, They d done their mornin s marketin an gut their hunger cooled ; Fer missionaries to the Creeks an runaways are viewed By them an folks ez sent express to be their reg- lar food : Wutever t wuz, they laid an snoozed ez peace fully ez sinners, Meek ez disgestin deacons be at ordination din ners ; Ef any on em turned an snapped, I let em kin o taste My live-oak leg, an so, ye see, ther warn t no gret o waste ; Fer they found out in quicker time than if they d ben to college T warn t heartier food than though t wuz made out o the tree o knowledge. But / tell you my other leg hed larned wut pizon- nettle meant, An var ous other usefle things, afore I reached a settlement, 110 THE SI GLOW PAPERS. An all o me thet wuz n t sore an sendin pric kles thru me Wuz jest the leg I parted with in lickin Monte- zumy : A usefle limb it s ben to me, an more of a sup port Than wut the other hez ben, coz I dror my pension for t. Wai, I got in at last where folks wuz civerlized an white, Ez I diskivered to my cost afore t warn t hardly night ; Fer z I wuz settin in the bar a-takin sunthin hot, An feelin like a man agin, all over in one spot, A feller thet sot opposite, arter a squint at me, Lep up an drawed his peacemaker, an , " Dash it, Sir," suz he, " I m doubledashed ef you ain t him thet stole my yaller chettle, (You re all the stranger thet s around,) so now you ve gut to settle ; It ain t no use to argerfy ner try to cut up frisky, I know ye ez I know the smell of ole chain-light- nin whiskey ; We re lor-abidin folks down here, we 11 fix ye so s t a bar Would n tech ye with a ten-foot pole ; (Jedge, you jest warm the tar ;) THE B I GLOW PAPERS. Ill You 11 think you d better ha got among a tribe o Mongrel Tartars, Fore we ve done showin how we raise our Southun prize tar-martyrs ; A moultin fallen cherubim, ef he should see ye, d snicker, Thinkin he warn t a suckemstance. Come, genle- mun le s liquor ; An Gin ral, when you ve mixed the drinks an chalked em up, tote roun An see ef ther s a feather-bed (thet s borryable) in town. We 11 try ye fair, ole Grafted-leg, an ef the tar wun t stick, Th ain t not a juror here but wut 11 quit ye doublequick." To cut it short, I wun t say sweet, they gi me a good dip, (They ain t perfessin Bahptists here,) then give the bed a rip, The jury d sot, an quicker n a flash they hatched me out, a livin Extemp ry mammoth turkey-chick fer a Fejee Thanksgiven . Thet I felt some stuck up is wut it s nat ral to suppose, When poppylar enthusiasm hed funnished me sech clo es ; (Ner t ain t without edvantiges, this kin o suit, ye see, 112 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. It s water-proof, an water s wut I like kep out o me ;) But nut content with thet, they took a kerridge from the fence An rid me roun to see the place, entirely free f expense, With forty- leven new kines o sarse without no charge acquainted me, Gi me three cheers, an vowed thet I wuz all their fahncy painted me ; They treated me to all their eggs ; (they keep em I should think, Fer sech ovations, pooty long, for they wuz mos distinc ;) They starred me thick z the Milky- Way with in- discrim nit cherity, Fer wut we call reception eggs air sunthin of a rerity ; Green ones is plentifle anough, skurce wuth a nigger s getherin , But your dead-ripe ones ranges high fer treatin Nothun bretherin : A spotteder, ringstreakeder child the warn t in Uncle Sam s Holl farm, a cross of striped pig an one o Jacob s lambs ; T wuz Dannil in the lions den, new and nlarged edition, An everythin fust-rate o ts kind, the warn t no impersition. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 113 People s impulsiver down here than wut our folks to home be, An kin o go it ith a resh in raisin Hail Co- lumby : Thet s so : an they swarmed out like bees, for your real Southun men s Time is n t o much more account than an ole settin hen s ; (They jest work semioccashnally, or else don t work at all, An so their time an tention both air at saci ty s call.) Talk about hospatality ! wut Nothun town d ye know Would take a totle stranger up an treat him gratis so ? You d better b lieve ther s nothin like this spendin days an nights Along ith a dependent race fer civerlizin whites. But this wuz all prelim nary ; it s so Gran Jurors here Fin a true bill, a hendier way than ourn, an nut so dear ; So arter this they sentenced me, to make all tight n snug, Afore a reg lar court o law, to ten years in the Jug. I did n make no gret defence : you don t feel much like speakin , 114 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. When, ef you let your clamshells gape, a quart o tar will leak in : I hev hearn tell o winged words, but pint o fact it tethers The spoutin gift to hev your words tu thick sot on with feathers, An Choate ner Webster would n t ha made an A 1 kin o speech Astride a Southun chestnut horse sharper n a baby s screech. Two year ago they ketched the thief, n seein I wuz innercent, They jest oncorked an le me run, an in my stid the sinner sent To see how he liked pork n pone flavored with wa nut saplin , An nary social priv ledge but a one-hoss, starn- wheel chaplin. When I come out, the folks behaved mos gen - manly an harnsome ; They lowed it would n t be more n right, ef I should cuss n darn some : The Cunnle he apolergized ; sez he, " I 11 du wut s right, I 11 give ye settisfection now by shootin ye at sight, An give the nigger, (when he s caught,) to pay him fer his trickin In gittin the wrong man took up, a most H fired lickin , THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 115 It s jest the way with all on em, the inconsistent critters, They re most enough to make a man blaspheme his mornin bitters ; I 11 be your frien thru thick an thin an in all kines o weathers, An all you 11 hev to pay fer s jest the waste o tar an feathers : A lady owned the bed, ye see, a widder, tu, Miss Shennon ; It wuz her mite ; we would ha took another, ef ther d ben one : We don t make no charge for the ride an all the other fixins. Le s liquor ; Gin ral, you can chalk our friend for all the mixins." A meetin then wuz called, where they " RE SOLVED, Thet we respec B. S. Esquire for quallerties o heart an intellec Peculiar to Columby s sile, an not to no one else s, Thet makes European tyrans scringe in all their gilded pel ces, An doos gret honor to our race an Southun in- stitootions : " (I give ye jest the substance o the leadin reso- lootions :) " RESOLVED, Thet we revere in him a soger thout a flor, A martyr to the princerples o libbaty an lor : 116 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. RESOLVED, Thet other nations all, ef sot longside o us, For vartoo, larnin , chivverlry, ain t noways wuth a cuss." They gut up a subscription, tu, but no gret come o thet ; I xpect in cairin of it roun they took a leaky hat; Though Southun genelmun ain t slow at puttin down their name, (When they can write,) fer in the eend it comes to jes the same, Because, ye see, t s the fashion here to sign an not to think A critter d be so sordid ez to ax em for the chink : I did n t call but jest on one, an he drawed toothpick on me, An reckoned he warn t goin to stan no sech doggauned econ my ; So nothin more wuz realized, ceptin the good will shown, Than ef t had ben from fust to last a reg lar Cotton Loan. It s a good way, though, come to think, coz ye enjy the sense O lendin lib rally to the Lord, an nary red o xpense : Sence then I got my name up for a gin rous- hearted man THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 117 By jes , subscribin right an left on this high- minded plan ; I ve gin away my thousans so to every Southun sort missions, colleges, an sech, ner ain t no poorer for t. I warn t so bad off, arter all ; I need n t hardly mention That Guv ment owed me quite a pile for my ar rears o pension, I mean the poor, weak thing we hed : we run a new one now, Thet strings a feller with a claim up ta the nighes bough. An prectises the rights o man, purtects down trodden debtors, Ner wun t hev creditors about a-scrougin o their betters ; Jeff s gut the last idees ther is, poscrip , four teenth edition, He knows it takes some enterprise to run an op- persition ; Ourn s the fust thru-by-daylight tram, with all ou doors for deepot, Yourn goes so slow you d think t wuz drawed by a las cent ry teapot ; Wai, I gut all on t paid in gold afore our State seceded, An done wal, for Confed rit bonds warn t jest the cheese T needed : 118 THE I GLOW PAPERS. Nut but wut they re ez good ez gold, but then it s hard a-breakin on em, An ignorant folks is oilers sot an wun t git used to takin on em; They re wuth ez much ez wut they wuz afore ole Mem nger signed em, An go off middlin wal for drinks, when ther s a knife behind em ; We du miss silver, jes fer thet an ridin in a bus, Now we ve shook off the desputs thet wuz suck- in at our pus ; An it s because the South s so rich ; t wuz nat - ral to expec Supplies o change wuz jes the things we should n t recollec ; We d ough to ha thought aforehan , though, o thet good rule o Crockett s, For t s tiresome cairin cotton-bales an niggers in your pockets, Ner t ain t quite handy to pass off one o your six-foot Guineas An git your halves an quarters back in gals an pickaninnies : Wal, t ain t quite all a feller d ax, but then ther s this to say, It s on y jest among ourselves thet we expec to pay; Our system would ha caird us thru in any Bible cent ry, Fore this onscripterl plan come up o books by double entry ; THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 119 We go the patriarkle here out o all sight an hearin , For Jacob warn t a suckemstance to Jeff at finan- cierin ; He never d thought o borryin from Esau like all nater An then cornfiscatin all debts to sech a small pertater ; There s p litickle econ my, now, combined ith morril beauty Thet saycrifices privit eends (your in my s, tu) to dooty ! Wy, Jeff d ha gin him five an won his eye-teeth fore he knowed it, An , stid o wastin pottage, he d ha eat it up an owed it. But I wuz goin on to say how I come here to dwall ; Nough said, thet, arter lookin roun , I liked the place so wal, Where niggers does a double good, with us atop to stiddy em, By bein proofs o prophecy an suckleatin me dium, Where a man s sunthin coz he s white, an whiskey s cheap ez fleas, An the financial pollercy jes sooted my idees, Thet I friz down right where I wuz, merried the Widder Shennon, (Her thirds wuz part in cotton-land, part in the curse o Canaan,) 120 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An here I be ez lively ez a chipmunk on a wall, With nothin to feel riled about much later n Eddam s faU. Ez fur ez human foresight goes, we made an even trade : She got an overseer, an I a fem ly ready-made, (The youngest on em s mos growed up,) rug ged an spry ez weazles, So s t ther s no resk o doctors bills fer hoop- in -cough an measles. Our farm s at Turkey-Buzzard Roost, Little Big Boosy River, Wai located in all respex, fer t ain t the chills n fever Thet makes my writin seem to squirm ; a South- uner d allow I d Some call to shake, for I ve jest hed to meller a new cowhide. Miss S. is all f a lady ; th ain t no better on Big Boosy, Ner one with more accomplishmunts twixt here an Tuscaloosy; She s an F. F., the tallest kind, an prouder n the Gran Turk, An never hed a relative thet done a stroke o work ; Hern ain t a scrimpin fem ly sech ez you git up Down East, Th ain t a growed member on t but owes his thousuns et the least : THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 121 She is some old ; but then agin ther s draw backs in my sheer : Wut s left o me ain t more n enough to make a Brigadier : Wust is, thet she hez tantrums ; she s like Seth Moody s gun (Him thet wuz nicknamed from his limp Ole Dot an Kerry One) ; He d left her loaded up a spell, an hed to git her clear, So he onhitched, Jeerusalem ! the middle o last year Wus right nex door compared to where she kicked the critter tu (Though jest where he brought up wuz wut no human never knew) ; His brother Asaph picked her up an tied her to a tree, An then she kicked an hour n a half afore she d let it be : Wai, Miss S. doos hev cuttins-up an pourins-out o vials, But then she hez her widder s thirds, an all on us hez trials. My objec , though, in writin now warn t to al lude to sech, But to another suckemstance more dellykit to tech, I want thet you should grad lly break my mer- riage to Jerushy, 122 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An there s a heap of argymunts thet s emple to indooce ye : Fust place, State s Prison, wal, it s true it warn t fer crime, o course, But then it s jest the same for her in gittin a disvorce ; Nex place, my State s secedin out hez leg lly lef me free To merry any one I please, pervidin it s a she ; Fin lly, I never wun t come back, she need n t hev no fear on t, But then it s wal to fix things right fer fear Miss S. should hear on t ; Lastly, I ve gut religion South, an Rushy she s a pagan Thet sets by th graven imiges o the gret Nothun Dagon ; (Now I hain t seen one in six munts, for, sence our Treashry Loan, Though yaller boys is thick anough, eagles hez kind o flown ;) An ef J. wants a stronger pint than them thet I hev stated, Wy, she s an aliun in my now, an I ve been cornfiscated, For sence we Ve entered on th estate o the late nayshnul eagle, She hain t no kin o right but jes wut I allow ez legle : THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 123 Wilt doos Secedin mean, ef t ain t thet nat rul rights hez riz, n Thet wut is mine s my own, but wut s another man s ain t his n ? Besides, I could n t do no else ; Miss S. suz she to me, " You ve sheered my bed," [thet s when I paid my interduction fee To Southun rites,] " an kep your sheer," [wal, I allow it sticked So s t I wuz most six weeks in jail afore I gut me picked,] " Ner never paid no demmiges ; but thet wun t do no harm, Pervidin thet you 11 ondertake to oversee the farm ; (My eldes boy is so took up, wut with the Ring tail Rangers An settin in the Jestice-Court for welcomin o strangers ; ") [He sot on me ;] " an so, ef you 11 jest onder take the care Upon a mod rit sellery, we 11 up an call it square ; But ef you can t conclude," suz she, an give a kin o grin, " Wy, the Gran Jurymen, I xpect, 11 hev to set agin." Thet s the way metters stood at fust ; now wut wuz T to du. 124 TEE BIG LOW PAPERS. But jes to make the best on t an off coat an buckle tu ? Ther ain t a livin man thet finds an income necessarier Than me, bimeby I 11 tell ye how I fin lly come to merry her. She bed another motive, tu : I mention of it here T encourage lads thet s growin up to study n persevere, An show em how much better t pays to mind their winter-schoolin Than to go off on benders n sech, an waste their time in foolin ; Ef t warn t for studyin evenins, I never d ha been here An orn ment o saciety, in my approprut spear : She wanted somebody, ye see, o taste an culti vation, To talk along o preachers when they stopt to the plantation ; For folks in Dixie th t read an rite, onless it is by jarks, Is skurce ez wut they wuz among th oridgenle patriarchs ; To fit a feller f wut they call the soshle higher- archy, All thet you ve gut to know is jes beyund an evrage darky ; THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 125 Schoolin s wut they can t seem to stan , they re tu consarned high-pressure, An knowin t much might spile a boy for hein a Secesher. We hain t no settled preachin here, ner minis- teril taxes ; The min ster s only settlement s the carpet-bag he packs his Razor an soap-brush intu, with his hymbook an his Bible, But they du preach, I swan to man, it s puf kly indescrib le ! They go it like an Ericsson s ten-hoss-power col- eric ingine, An make Ole Split-Foot winch an squirm, for all he s used to singein ; Hawkins s whetstone ain t a pinch o primin to the inards To hearin on em put free grace t a lot o tough old sinhards ! But I must eend this letter now : fore long I 11 send a fresh un ; I ve lots o things to write about, perticklerly Seceshun : I m called off now to mission-work, to let a leetle law in To Cynthy s hide : an so, till death, Yourn, BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN. No. II. MASON AND SLIDELL: A YANKEE IDYLL. TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. JAALAM, 6th Jan., 1862. GENTLEMEN, I was highly gratified by the insertion of a portion of my letter in the last number of your valuable and entertain ing Miscellany, though in a type which ren dered its substance inaccessible even to the beautiful new spectacles presented to me by a Committee of the Parish on New- Year s Day. I trust that I was able to bear your very considerable abridgment of my lucubra tions with a spirit becoming a Christian. My third granddaughter, Rebekah, aged fourteen years, and whom I have trained to read slowly and with proper emphasis (a practice too much neglected in our modern systems of education), read aloud to me the excellent essay upon " Old Age," the author of which I cannot help suspecting to be a THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 127 young man who has never yet known what it was to have snow (canities morosa) upon his own roof. Dissolve frigus, large super foco ligna reponens^ is a rule for the young, whose wood-pile is yet abundant for such cheerful lenitives. A good life behind him is the best thing to keep an old man s shoul ders from shivering at every breath of sor row or ill-fortune. But ruethinks it were easier for an old man to feel the disadvan tages of youth than the advantages of age. Of these latter I reckon one of the chief- est to be this : that we attach a less inor dinate value to our own productions, and, distrusting daily more and more our own wisdom (with the conceit whereof at twen ty we wrap ourselves away from knowl edge as with a garment), do reconcile our selves with the wisdom of God. I could have wished, indeed, that room might have been made for the residue of the anecdote relating to Deacon Tinkham, which would not only have gratified a natural curiosity on the part of the public (as I have reason to know from several letters of inquiry al ready received), but would also, as I think, have largely increased the circulation of your magazine in this town. Nihil humani 128 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. alienum, there is a curiosity about the af fairs of our neighbors which is not only par donable, but even commendable. But I shall abide a more fitting season. As touching the following literary effort of Esquire Biglow, much might be profitably said on the topic of Idyllic and Pastoral Poetry, and concerning the proper distinc tions to be made between them, from The ocritus, the inventor of the former, to Collins, the latest author I know of who has emulated the classics in the latter style. But in the time of a Civil War worthy a Milton to de fend and a Lucan to sing, it may be reason ably doubted whether the public, never too studious of serious instruction, might not consider other objects more deserving of present attention. Concerning the Idyll, which Mr. Biglow has adopted at my sug gestion, it may not be improper to animad vert, that the name properly signifies a poem somewhat rustic in phrase (for, though the learned are not agreed as to the particular dialect employed by Theocritus, they are uni- versanimous both as to its rusticity and its capacity of rising now and then to the level of more elevated sentiments and expressions), while it is also descriptive of real scenery THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 129 and manners. Yet it must be admitted that the production now in question (which here and there hears perhaps too plainly the marks of my correcting hand) does partake of the nature of a Pastoral, inasmuch as the interlo cutors therein are purely imaginary beings, and the whole is little better than KO.TTVOV a/aSs ovap. The plot was, as I believe, suggested by the " Twa Brigs " of Robert Burns, a Scot tish poet of the last century, as that found its prototype in the " Mutual Complaint of Plainstanes and Causey " by Fergusson, though the metre of this latter be different by a foot in each verse. I reminded my talented young parishioner and friend that Concord Bridge had long since yielded to the edacious tooth of Time. But he an swered me to this effect: that there was no greater mistake of an author than to sup pose the reader had no fancy of his own ; that, if once that faculty was to be called into activity, it were better to be in for the whole sheep than the shoulder ; and that he knew Concord like a book, an expression questionable in propriety, since there are few things with which he is not more famil iar than with the printed page. In proof of what he affirmed, he showed me some verses 130 THE BLGLOW PAPERS. which with others he had stricken out as too much delaying the action, but which I com municate in this place because they rightly define " punkin-seed " (which Mr. Bartlett would have a kind of perch, a creature to which I have found a rod or pole not to be so easily equivalent in our inland waters as in the books of arithmetic), and because it conveys an eulogium on the worthy son of an excellent father, with whose acquaintance (eheu Jug aces anni /) I was formerly hon ored. "But nowadays the Bridge ain t wut they show, So much ez Em son, Hawthorne, an Thoreau. I know the village, though ; was sent there once A-schoolin , cause to home I played the dunce ; An I ve ben sence a-visitin the Jedge, Whose garding whispers with the river s edge, Where I ve sot mornin s lazy as the bream, Whose on } business is to head up-stream, (We call em punkin-seed,) or else in chat Along th the Jedge, who covers with his hat More wit an gumption an shrewd Yankee sense Than there is mosses on an ole stone fence." Concerning the subject - matter of the verses, I have not the leisure at present to write so fully as I could wish, my time be ing occupied with the preparation of a dis course for the forthcoming bi-centenary cel ebration of the first settlement of Jaalam THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 131 East Parish. It may gratify the public in terest to mention the circumstance, that my investigations to this end have enabled me to verify the fact (of much historic im portance, and hitherto hotly debated) that Shearjashub Tarbox was the first child of white parentage born in this town, being named in his father s will under date Au gust 7 th , or 9 th , 1G62. It is well known that those who advocate the claims of Mehetable Goings are unable to find any trace of her existence prior to October of that year. As respects the settlement of the Mason and Slidell question, Mr. Biglow has not incor rectly stated the popular sentiment, so far as I can judge by its expression in this local ity. For myself, I feel more sorrow than resentment ; for I am old enough to have heard those talk of England who still, even after the unhappy estrangement, could not unschool their lips from calling her the Mother-country. But England has insisted on ripping up old wounds, and has undone the healing work of fifty years ; for nations do not reason, they only feel, and the spretce injuria formes rankles in their minds as bit terly as in that of a woman. And because this is so, I feel the more satisfaction that 132 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. our government has acted (as all Govern ments should, standing as they do between the people and their passions) as if it had arrived at years of discretion. There are three short and simple words, the hardest of all to pronounce in any language (and I sus pect they were no easier before the confusion of tongues), but which no man or nation that cannot utter can claim to have arrived at manhood. Those words are, / was tvrong ; and I am proud that, while Eng land played the boy, our rulers had strength enough from the People below and wisdom enough from God above to quit themselves like men. The sore points on both sides have been skilfully exasperated by interested and un scrupulous persons, who saw in a war be tween the two countries the only hope of profitable return for their investment in Confederate stock, whether political or finan cial. The always supercilious, often insult ing, and sometimes even brutal tone of Brit ish journals and public men has certainly not tended to soothe whatever resentment might exist in America. "Perhaps it was right to dissemble your love, But why did vou kick me down stairs V " THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 133 We have no reason to complain that Eng land, as a necessary consequence of her clubs, has become a great society for the minding of other people s business, and we can smile good-naturedly when she lectures other na tions on the sins of arrogance and conceit ; but we may justly consider it a breach of tlie political convenances which are expected to regulate the intercourse of one well-bred government with another, when men holding places in the ministry allow themselves to dic tate our domestic policy, to instruct us in our duty, and to stigmatize as unholy a war for the rescue of whatever a high-minded people should hold most vital and most sacred. Was it in good taste, that I may use the mildest term, for Earl Russell to expound our own Constitution to President Lincoln, or to make a new and fallacious application of an old phrase for our benefit, and tell us that the Kebels were fighting for indepen dence and we for empire? As if all wars for independence were by nature just and deserving of sympathy, and all wars for em pire ignoble and worthy only of reprobation, or as if these easy phrases in any way char acterized this terrible struggle terrible not so truly in any superficial sense, as from 134 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. the essential and deadly enmity of the prin ciples that underlie it. His Lordship s bit of borrowed rhetoric would justify Smith O Brien, Nana Sahib, and the Maoi i chief tains, while it would condemn nearly every war in which England has ever been en gaged. Was it so very presumptuous in vis to think that it would be decorous in Eng lish statesmen if they spared time enough to acquire some kind of knowledge, though of the most elementary kind, in regard to this country and the questions at issue here, be fore they pronounced so off-hand a judg ment ? Or is political information expected to come Dogberry-fashion in England, like reading and writing, by nature ? And now all respectable England is won dering at our irritability, and sees a quite satisfactory explanation of it in our national vanity. Suave mari magno, it is pleasant, sitting in the easy -chairs of Downing Street, to sprinkle pepper on the raw wounds of a kindred people struggling for life, and phil osophical to find in self-conceit the cause of our instinctive resentment. Surely we were of all nations the least liable to any tempta tion of vanity at a time when the gravest anxiety and the keenest sorrow were never THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 135 absent from our hearts. Nor is conceit the exclusive attribute of any one nation. The earliest of English travellers, Sir John Maii- deville, took a less provincial view of the matter when he said, " For fro what partie of the erthe that men duellen, other aboven or beneathen, it sernethe alweys to hem that duellen that thei gon more righte than any other folke." The English have always had their fair share of this amiable quality. We may say of them still, as the author of the Lettres Cabalistiques said of them more than a century ago, " Ces derniers disent naturellcment qu il iiy a qiCaux qui soient estimable*." And, as he also says, " J aime- rois presque autant tomber entre les mains d"un Inquisiteur que a"un Anglois qui me fait sentir sans cesse combien il s estimeplus que moi, et qui ne daigne me parler que pour injurier ma Nation et pour rnennuyer du re- cit des f/randes qualitSs de la sienne" Of this Bull we may safely say with Horace, habetfcenum in cornu. What we felt to be especially insulting was the quiet assumption that the descendants of men who left the Old World for the sake of principle, and who had made the wilderness into a New World patterned after an Idea, could not 136 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. possibly be susceptible of a generous or lofty sentiment, could have no feeling of nation ality deeper than that of a tradesman for his shop. One would have thought, in listening to England, that we were presumptuous in fancying that we were a nation at all, or had any other principle of union than that of booths at a fair, where there is no higher notion of government than the constable, or better image of God than that stamped upon the current coin. It is time for Englishmen to consider whether there was nothing in the spirit of their press and of their leading public men calculated to rouse a just indignation, and to cause a permanent estrangement on the part of any nation capable of self-respect, and sensitively jealous, as ours then was, of foreign interference. Was there nothing in the indecent haste with which belligerent rights were conceded to the Rebels, nothing in the abrupt tone assumed in the Trent case, nothing in the fitting out of Confeder ate privateers, that might stir the blood of a people already overcharged with doubt, suspicion, and terrible responsibility? The laity in any country do not stop to consider points of law, but they have an instinctive THE El GLOW PAPERS. 137 appreciation of the animus that actuates the policy of a foreign nation ; and in our own case they remembered that the British au thorities in Canada did not wait till diplo macy could send Lome to England for her slow official tinder-box to fire the " Caro line." Add to this, what every sensible American knew, that the moral support of England was equal to an army of two hun dred thousand men to the Rebels, while it insured us another year or two of exhausting war. It was not so much the spite of her words (though the time might have been more tastefully chosen) as the actual power for evil in them that we felt as a deadly wrong. Perhaps the most immediate and efficient cause of mere irritation was the sudden and unaccountable change of man ner on the other side of the water. Only six months before, the Prince of Wales had come over to call us cousins ; and every where it was nothing but " our American brethren," that great offshoot of British institutions in the New World, so almost identical with them in laws, language, and literature, this last of the alliterative com pliments being so bitterly true, that perhaps it will not be retracted even now. To this 138 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. outburst of long-repressed affection we re sponded with genuine warmth, if with some thing of the awkwardness of a poor relation bewildered with the sudden tightening of the ties of consanguinity when it is rumored that he has come into a large estate. Then carne the Rebellion, and, pretsto ! a flaw in our titles was discovered, the plate we were promised at the family table Is flung at our head, and we were again the scum of crea tion, intolerably vulgar, at once cowardly and overbearing, no relations of theirs, after alL but a dreggy hybrid of the basest bloods of Europe. Panurge was not quicker to call Friar John his former friend. I can not help thinking of AV alter Mapes s jingling paraphrase of Petronius. "Dammodo mm fpJendidw vest 5 bos omatas, Kt malt* familia -uu circumvallatu>. Prudent com et tapien: et morigeratu*, Et tuu neps ram et ta me%n co^natos." which I may freely render thus : So long a* I wa* prwperou*. I d dinners by the dozen, Wa* well-bred, witty, virtuoa*, and everytxxly * couin: If lock (bottld torn, an well ishe may, her fancy w w flexile, Will virtue, eoaia*hip, and ail return with ber from exile ? "Jhere was nothing in all this to exasper ate a philosopher, much to make him smile rather ; but the earth s surface Is not chiefly THE BIGLOW PATERS. 139 inliabitod by philosophers, and I revive the recollection of it now in perfect good humor, merely by way of suggesting to our d-devattt British cousins, that it would have been easier for them to hold their tongues than for us to keep our tempers under the circum stances. The English Cabinet made a blunder, unquestionably, in taking it so hastily for granted that the United States had fallen forever from their position as a tirst-rate power, and it was natural that they should vent a little of their vexation upon the peo ple whose inexplicable obstinacy in maintain ing freedom and order, and in resisting deg radation, was likely to convict them of their mistake. But if bearing a grudge be the sure mark of a small mind in the individual, can it be a proof of high spirit in a nation ? If the result of the present estrangement be tween the two countries shall be to make us more independent of British twaddle, (-/;?- (tomito ncc dira ferens stipcndia Tauro^) so much the better ; but if it is to make us insensible to the value of British opinion, in matters where it srives us the judgment of an O ! C? impartial and cultivated outsider, if we are to shut ourselves out from the advantages of 140 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. English culture, the loss will be ours, and not theirs. Because the door of the old home stead has been once slammed in our faces, shall we in a huff reject all future advances of conciliation, and cut ourselves foolishly off from any share in the humanizing influ ences of the place, with its ineffable riches of association, its heirlooms of immemorial culture, its historic monuments, ours no less than theirs, its noble gallery of ancestral portraits? We have only to succeed, and England will not only respect, but, for the first time, begin to understand us. And let us not, in our justifiable indignation at wan ton insult, forget that England is not the England only of snobs who dread the de mocracy they do not comprehend, but the England of history, of heroes, statesmen, and poets, whose names are dear, and their influence as salutary to us as to her. Let us strengthen the hands of those in authority over us, and curb our own tongues, remembering that General Wait commonly proves in the end more than a match for General Headlong, and that the Good Book ascribes safety to a multitude, indeed, but not to a mob, of counsellors. Let us remember and perpend the words of Paulus Emilius THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 141 to the people of Rome ; tliat, " if they judged they could manage the war to more advantage by any other, he would willingly yield up his charge ; but if they confided in him, they were not to make themselves his colleagues in his office, or raise reports, or criticise his actions, but, without talking, supply him with means and assistance neces sary to the carrying on of the war ; for, if they proposed to command their own com mander, they would render this expedition more ridiculous than the former." ( Vide Plutarchum in Vitd P. E^) Let us also not forget what the same excellent author says concerning Perseus s fear of spending money, and not permit the covetousness of Brother Jonathan to be the good-fortune of Jefferson Davis. For my own part, till I am ready to admit the Commander-in-Chief to my pulpit, I shall abstain from planning his battles. If courage be the sword, yet is patience the armor of a nation ; and in our desire for peace, let us never be willing to surrender the Constitution bequeathed us by fathers at least as wise as ourselves (even with Jefferson Davis to help us), and, with those degenerate Komans, tufa ct prcscntia quaiii vctcra et perlculosa malle. 142 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. And not only should we bridle our own tongues, but the pens of others, which are swift to convey useful intelligence to the enemy. This is no new inconvenience ; for, under date 3d June, 1745, General Pepperell wrote thus to Governor Shirley from Louis- bourg : " What your Excellency observes of the army^s being made acquainted with any plans proposed, until ready to be put in exe cution, has always been disagreeable to me, and I have given many cautions relating to it. But when your Excellency considers that our Council of War consists of more than twenty members, I am persuaded you will think it impossible for me to hinder it, if any of them will persist in communicating to inferior officers and soldiers what ought to be kept secret. I am informed that the Boston newspapers are filled with paragraphs from private letters relating to the expedi tion. Will your Excellency permit me to say I think it may be of ill consequence ? W^ould it not be convenient, if your Excel lency should forbid the Printers inserting such news ? " Verily, if tempora mutantur, we may question the et nos mutamur in illis ; and if tongues be leaky, it will need all hands at the pumps to save the Ship of THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 143 State. Our history dotes and repeats itself. If Sassycus (rather than Alcibiades) find a parallel in Beauregard, so Weakwash, as he is called by the brave Lieutenant Lion Gardiner, need not seek far among our own Sachems for his antitype. With respect, Your ob* humble serv fc , HOMER WILBUR, A. M. I LOVE to start out arter night s begun, An all the chores about the farm are done, The critters milked an foddered, gates shet fast, Tools cleaned aginst to-morrer, supper past, An Nancy darnin by her ker sene lamp, I love, I say, to start upon a tramp, To shake the kinkles out o back an legs, An kind o rack my life off from the dregs Thet s apt to settle in the buttery-hutch Of folks thet f oiler in one rut too much : Hard work is good an wholesome, past all doubt ; But t ain t so, ef the mind gits tuckered out. Now, bein born in Middlesex, you know, There s certin spots where I like best to go : The Concord road, for instance, (I, for one, Most gin lly oilers call it John Bull s Run,) The field o Lexin ton, where England tried The fastest colors thet she ever dyed, 144 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. An Concord Bridge, thet Davis, when lie came, Found was the bee-line track to heaven an fame, Ez all roads be by natur , ef your soul Don t sneak thru shun-pikes so s to save the toll. They re most too fur away, take too much time To visit of en, ef it ain t in rhyme ; But the s a walk thet s hendier, a sight, An suits me fust-rate of a winter s night, I mean the round whale s-back o Prospect Hill. I love to 1 iter there while night grows still, An in the twinklin villages about, Fust here, then there, the well-saved lights goes out, An nary sound but watch-dogs false alarms, Or muffled cock-crows from the drowsy farms, Where some wise rooster (men act jest thet way) Stands to t thet moon-rise is the break o day : (So Mister Seward sticks a three-months pin Where the war d oughto eend, then tries agin ; My gran ther s rule was safer n t is to crow : Dorit never prophesy, onless ye know.) I love to muse there till it kind o seems Ez ef the world went eddy in off in dreams ; The Northwest wind thet twitches at my baird Blows out o sturdier days not easy scared, An the same moon thet this December shines Starts out the tents an booths o Putnam s lines ; The rail-fence posts, acrost the hill thet runs, Turn ghosts o sogers should rin ghosts o guns ; THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 145 Ez wheels the sentry, glints a flash o light Along the firelock won at Concord Fight, An twixt the silences, now fur, now nigh, Rings the sharp chellenge, hums the low reply. Ez I was settin so, it warn t long sence, Mixin the puffict with the present tense, I heerd two voices som ers in the air, Though, ef I was to die, I can t tell where : Voices I call em : t was a kind o sough Like pine-trees thet the wind s ageth rin through ; An , fact, I thought it was the wind a spell, Then some misdoubted, could n t fairly tell, Fust sure, then not, jest as you hold an eel, I knowed, an did n t, fin lly seemed to feel T was Concord Bridge a-talkin off to kill With the Stone Spike thet s druv thru Bunker Hill: Whether t was so, or ef I on y dreamed, I could n t say ; I tell it ez it seemed. THE BRIDGE. Wai, neighbor, tell us, wut s turned up thet s new ? You re younger n I be, nigher Boston, tu : An down to Boston, ef you take their showin , Wut they don t know ain t hardly wuth the know- in . There s sunthin goin on, I know : las night The British sogers killed in our gret fight 146 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. (Nigh fifty year they hed n t stirred nor spoke) Made sech a coil you d thought a dam hed broke : Why, one he up an heat a revellee With his own crossbones on a holler tree, Till all the graveyards swarmed out like a hive With faces I hain t seen sence Seventy-five. Wut is the news ? T ain t good, or they d be cheerin . Speak slow an clear, for I m some hard o hear- in . THE MONIMEXT. I don t know hardly ef it s good or bad, THE BRIDGE. At wust, it can t be wus than wut we ve had. THE MONIMENT. You know them envys thet the Rebbles sent, An Cap n Wilkes he borried o the Trent ? THE BRIDGE. Wut ! they ha n t hanged em ? Then their wits is gone ! Thet s the sure way to make a goose a swan ! THE MONIMEXT. No : England she would hev em, Fee, Faw, Finn ! (Ez though she hed n t fools enough to home,) So they ve returned em THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 147 THE BRIDGE. Hev they ? Wai, by heaven, Thet s the wust news I ve heerd sence Seventy- seven ! By Georye, I meant to say, though I declare It s most enough to make a deacon swear. THE MOMMEJfT. Now don t go off half-cock : folks never gains By usin pepper-sarse instid o brains. Come, neighbor, you don t understand I Hi: BRIDGE. How? Hey? Not understand ? Why, wut s to hender, pray ? Must I go huntin round to find a chap To tell me when my face hez hed a slap ? THE MONIMENT. See here : the British they found out a flaw In Cap n Wilkes s readin o the law : (They make all laws, you know, an so, o course, It s nateral they should understan their force :) He d oughto took the vessel into port, An hed her sot on by a reg lar court ; She was a mail-ship, an a steamer, tu, An thet, they say, hez changed the point o view, Coz the old practice, bein meant for sails, . Ef tried upon a steamer, kind o fails ; You may take out despatches but you mus n t Take nary man 148 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. THE BRIDGE. You mean to say, you dus n t ! Changed point o view ! No, no, it s over board With law an gospel, when their ox is gored ! I tell ye, England s law, on sea an land, Hez oilers ben, " I ve gut the heaviest hand" Take nary man ? Fine preachin from her lips ! Why, she hez taken hundreds from our ships, An would agin, an swear she had a right to, Ef we war n t strong enough to be perlite to. Of all the sarse thet I can call to mind, England doos make the most onpleasant kind : It s you re the sinners oilers, she s the saint ; Wut s good s all English, all thet is n t ain t ; Wut profits her is oilers right an just, An ef you don t read Scriptur so, you must ; She s praised herself ontil she fairly thinks There ain t no light in Natur when she winks ; Hain t she the Ten Comman ments in her pus ? Could the world stir thout she went, tu, ez nus She ain t like other mortals, thet s a fact : She never stopped the habus-corpus act, Nor specie payments, nor she never yet Cut down the int rest on her public debt ; She don t put down rebellions, lets em breed, An s oilers willin Ireland should secede ; She s all thet s honest, honnable an fair, An when the vartoos died they made her heir. R1GLOW PAPERS. 149 THE MONIMENT. Wai, wal, two wrongs don t never make a right ; Ef we re mistaken, own up, an don t fight : For gracious sake, ha n t we enough to du Thout gettin uj> a fight with England, tu ? She thinks we re rabble-rid THE BRIDGE. An so we can t Distinguish twixt You ought n t an You shan t ! She jedges by herself ; she s no idear How t stiddies folks to give em their fair sheer : The odds twixt her an us is plain s a steeple, Her People s turned to Mob, our Mob s turned People. THE MONIMENT. She s riled jes now TIIK RRIDGE. Plain proof her cause ain t strong, The one thet fust gits mad s most oilers wrong. Why, sence she helped in lickin Nap the Fust, An pricked a bubble jest agoin to bust, With Rooshy, Proosljy, Austry, all assistin , Th aint nut a face but wut she s shook her fist in, Ez though she done it all, an ten times more, An nothin never hed gut done afore, Nor never could agin , thout she wuz spliced 150 THE BWLOW PAPERS. On to one eend an gin th old airth a hoist. She is some punkins, thet I wun t deny, (For ain t she some related to you n I ?) But there s a few small intrists here below Outside the counter o John Bull an Co., An , though they can t conceit how t should be so, I guess the Lord druv down Creation s spiles Thout no gret helpin from the British Isles, An could contrive to keep things pooty stiff Ef they withdrawed from business in a miff ; I ha n t no patience with sech swellin fellers ez Think God can t forge thout them to blow the bellerses. THE MONIMENT. You re oilers quick to set your back aridge, Though t suits a tom-cat more n a sober bridge : Don t you git het : they thought the thing was planned ; They 11 cool off when they come to understand. THE BRIDGE. Ef thet s wut you expect, you 11 hev to wait : Folks never understand the folks they hate : She ll fin some other grievance jest ez good, Fore the month s out, to git misunderstood. England cool off ! She 11 do it, ef she sees She s run her head into a swarm o bees. I ain t so prejudiced ez wut you spose : I hev thought England was the best thet goes ; THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 151 Remember, (no, you can t,) when / was reared, God save the King was all the tune you heerd : But it s enough to turn Wachuset roun , This stumpin fellers when you think they re down. THE MUNIMENT. But, neighbor, ef they prove their claim at law, The best way is to settle an not jaw. An don t le s mutter bout the awfle bricks We 11 give em, ef we ketch em in a fix : That ere s most frequently the kin o talk Of critters can t be kicked to toe the chalk ; Your " You 11 see nex time ! " an u Look out bumby ! " Most oilers ends in eatin umble-pie. T wun t pay to scringe to England : will it pay To fear thet meaner bully, old " They 11 say " ? Suppose they du say : words are dreffle bores, But they ain t quite so bad ez seventy-fours. Wut England wants is jest a wedge to fit Where it 11 help to widen out our split : She s found her wedge, an t aint for us to come An lend the beetle thet s to drive it home. For growed-up folks like us t would be a scandle, When we git sarsed, to fly right off the handle. England ain t all bad, coz she thinks us blind: Ef she can t change her skin, she can her mind ; An we shall see her change it double-quick, Soon ez we ve proved thet we re a-goin to lick. She an Columby s gut to be fas friends ; 152 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. For the world prospers by their privit ends : T would put the clock back all o fifty years, Ef they should fall together by the ears. THE BRIDGE. I gree to thet ; she s nigh us to wut France is ; But then she 11 hev to make the fust advances ; "We ve gut pride, tu, an gut it by good rights, An ketch me stoopin to pick up the mites O condescension she 11 be lettin fall When she finds out we ain t dead arter all ! I tell ye wut, it takes more n one good week Afore my nose forgits it s lied a tweak. THE MONIMENT. She 11 come out right bumby, thet 1 11 engage, Soon ez she gits to seein we re of age ; This talkin down o hers ain t wuth a fuss ; It s nat ral ez nut likin t is to us ; Ef we re agoin to prove we be growed-up, T wun t be by barkin like a tarrier pup, But turnin to an makin things ez good Ez wut we re oilers braggin that we could ; We re bound to be good friends, an so we d oughto, In spite of all the fools both sides the water. THE BRIDGE. I b lieve thet s so ; but hearken in your ear, I m older n you, Peace wun t keep house with Fear : THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 153 Ef you want peace, the thing you ve gut to du Is jes to show you re up to fightin , tu. / recollect how sailors rights was won Yard locked in yard, hot gun-lip kissin gun : Why, afore thet, John Bull sot up thet he Hed gut a kind o mortgage on the sea ; You d thought he held by Gran ther Adam s will, An ef you knuckle down, he 11 think so still. Better thet all our ships an all their crews Should sink to rot in ocean s dreamless ooze, Each torn flag wavin chellenge ez it went, An each dumb gun a brave man s moniment, Than seek sech peace ez only cowards crave : Give me the peace of dead men or of brave ! THE MONIMENT. I say, ole boy, it ain t the Glorious Fourth : You d oughto larned fore this wut talk wuz worth. It ain t our nose thet gits put out o jint ; It s England thet gives up her dearest pint. We ve gut, I tell ye now, enough to du In our own fem ly fight, afore we re thru. I hoped, las 1 spring, jest arter Sumter s shame, When every flag-staff flapped its tethered flame, An all the people, startled from their doubt, Come must rin to the flag with sech a shout, I hoped to see things settled fore this fall, The Re^bles licked, Jeff Davis hanged, an all ; Then come Bull Run, an sence then I ve ben waitin 154 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. Like boys in Jennooary thaw for skatin , Nothin to du but watch my shadder s trace Swing, like a ship at anchor, roun my base, With daylight s flood an ebb : it s gittin slow, An I most think we d better let em go. I tell ye wut, this war s a-goin to cost THE BRIDGE. An I tell you it wun t be money lost ; Taxes milks dry, but, neighbor, you 11 allow Thet havin things on settled kills the cow : We ve gut to fix this thing for good an all ; It s no use buildin wut s a-goin to fall. I m older n you, an I ve seen things an men, An my experunce, tell ye wut it s ben : Folks thet worked thorough was the ones thet thriv, But bad work follers ye ez long s ye live ; You can t git red on t ; jest ez sure ez sin, It s oilers askin to be done agin : Ef we should part, it would n t be a week Fore your soft-soddered peace would spring aleak. We ve turned our cuffs up, but, to put her thru, We must git mad an off with jackets, tu ; T wun t do to think thet killin ain t perlite, You ve gut to be in airnest, ef you fight ; Why, two-thirds o the Rebbles ould cut dirt, Ef they once thought thet Guv ment meant to hurt; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 155 An I du wish our Gin rals hed in mind The folks in front more than the folks behind ; You wun t do much ontil you think it s God, An not constitoounts, thet holds the rod ; AVe want some more o Gideon s sword, I jedge, For proclamations ha n t no gret of edge ; There s nothin for a cancer but the knife, Onless you set by t more than by your life. / ve seen hard times ; I see a war begun Thet folks thet love their bellies never d won ; Pharo s lean kine hung on for seven long year ; But when t was done, we did n t count it dear. AVhy, law an order, honor, civil right, Ef they ain t wuth it, wut is wuth a fight ? I m older n you : the plough, the axe, the mill, All kin s o labor an all kin s o skill, A\ T ould be a rabbit in a wile-cat s claAv, Ef t warn t for thet slow critter, stablished law ; Onsettle thet, an all the world goes whiz, A screw s gut loose in everythin there is : Good buttresses once settled, don t you fret An stir em : take a bridge s word for thet ! Young folks are smart, but all ain t good thet s new ; I guess the gran thers they knowed sunthin , tu. THE MOXIMENT. Amen to thet ! build sure in the beginnin , An then don t never tech the underpinnin , Th older a Guv ment is, the better t suits ; 156 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. New ones hunt folks s corns out like new boots : Change jes for change, is like them big hotels Where they shift plates, an let ye live on smells. THE BRIDGE. Wai, don t give up afore the ship goes down : It s a stiff gale, but Providence wun t drown ; An God wun t leave us yit to sink or swim, Ef we don t fail to du wut s right by Him. This land o ourn, I tell ye, s gut to be A better country than man ever see. I feel my sperit swellin with a cry Thet seems to say, " Break forth an prophesy ! " O strange New World, thet yit wast never young, Whose youth from thee by gripin need was wrung, Brown foundlin o the woods, whose baby-bed Was prowled roun by the Injun s cracklin tread, An who grew st strong thru shifts an wants an pains, Nussed by stern men with empires in their brains, Who saw in vision their young Ishmel strain With each hard hand a vassal ocean s mane, Thou, skilled by Freedom an by gret events To pitch new States ez Old-World men pitch tents, Thou, taught by Fate to know Jehovah s plan Thet man s devices can t unmake a man, An whose free latch-string never was drawed in Against the poorest child of Adam s kin, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 157 The grave s not dug where traitor hands shall lay In fearful haste thy murdered corse away ! I see Jest here some dogs begun to bark, So thet I lost old Concord s last remark : I listened long, but all I seemed to hear Was dead leaves goss pin on some birch-trees near; But ez they lied n t no gret things to say, An sed em often, I come right away, An , walkin home ards, jest to pass the time, I put some thoughts thet bothered me in rhyme : I hain t hed time to fairly try em on, But here they be it s JONATHAN TO JOHN. IT don t seem hardly right, John, When both my hands was full, To stump me to a fight, John, Your cousin, tu, John Bull ! Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess We know it now," sez he, " The lion s paw is all the law, Accordin to J. B., Thet s fit for you an me ! " You wonder why we re hot, John? Your mark wuz on the guns, 158 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. The neutral guns, thet shot, John, Our brothers an our sons : Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess There s human blood," sez he, " By fits an starts, in Yankee hearts, Though t may surprise J. B. More n it would you an me." Ef / turned mad dogs loose, John, On your front-parlor stairs, Would it jest meet your views, John, To wait an sue their heirs ? Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, I on y guess," sez he, " Thet ef Vattel on his toes fell, T would kind o rile J. B., Ez wal ez you an me ! " Who made the law thet hurts, John, Heads I win, ditto tails ? " J. B" was on his shirts, John, Onless my memory fails. Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, (I m good at thet,) " sez he. " Thet sauce for goose ain t jest the juice For ganders with J. B., No more than you or me ! " When your rights was our wrongs, John, You did n t stop for fuss, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 159 Britanny s trident prongs, John, Was good nough law for us. Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, Though physic s good," sez he, " It does n t foller thet he can swaller Prescriptions signed /. B.J Put up by you an me ! " We own the ocean, tu, John : You mus n take it hard, Ef we can t think with you, John, It s jest your own back-yard. Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, Ef thet s his claim," sez he, " The fencin -stuff 11 cost enough To bust up friend J. B., Ez wal ez you an me ! " Why talk so dreffle big, John, Of honor, when it meant You did n t care a fig, John, But jest for ten per cent? Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, He s like the rest," sez he : " When all is done, it s number one Thet s nearest to J. B., Ez wal ez you an me ! " We give the critters back, John, Cos Abram thought t was right ; 160 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. It warn t your bullyin clack, John, Provokin us to fight. Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess We ve a hard row," sez he, " To hoe jest now ; but thet, somehow, May happen to J. B., Ez wal ez you an me ! " We ain t so weak an poor, John, With twenty million people, An close to every door, John, A school-house an a steeple. Ole Uncle S. se/ he, " I guess It is a fact," sez he, " The surest plan to make a Man Is, think him so, J. B., Ez much ez you or me ! " Our folks believe in Law, John ; An it s for her sake, now, They ve left the axe an saw, John, The anvil an the plough. Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, Ef t warn t for law," sez he, " There d be one shindy from here to Indy ; An thet don t suit J. B. (When t ain t twixt you an me !) " We know we Ve gut a cause, John, Thet s honest, just, an true ; THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 161 We thought t would win applause, John, Ef nowheres else, from you. Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess His love of right," sez he, " Hangs by a rotten fibre o cotton : There s natur in J. B., Ez wal ez you an me ! " The South says, " Poor folks down ! " John, An " All men up ! " say we, White, yaller, black, an brown, John: Now which is your idee ? Ole Uncle S, sez he, " I guess, John preaches wal," sez he ; " But, sermon thru, an come to du, Why, there s the old J. B. A crowdin you an me ! " Shall it be love, or hate, John ? It s you thet s to decide ; Ain t your bonds held by Fate, John, Like all the world s beside ? Ole Uncle S, sez he, " I guess Wise men forgive," sez he, " But not forget ; an some time yet Thet truth may strike J. B., Ez wal ez you an me ! " God means to make this land, John, Clear thru, from sea to sea, 162 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Believe an understand, John, The wuth o bein free. Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess, God s price is high," sez he ; " But nothin else than wut He sells Wears long, an thet J. B. May larn, like you an me ! " No. III. BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN, ESQ., TO MR. HOSEA BIGLOAV. With the following Letter from the REVEREND HOMER WILBUR, A. M. TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. JAALAM, 7th Feb., 1862. EESPECTED FRIENDS, If I know my self, and surely a man can hardly be supposed to have overpassed the limit of fourscore years without attaining to some proficiency in that most useful branch of learning, (e coelo descend it, says the pagan poet,) I have no great smack of that weakness which would press upon the pub lic attention any matter pertaining to my private affairs. But since the following let ter of Mr. Sawin contains not only a direct allusion to myself, but that in connection with a topic of interest to all those engaged in the public ministrations of the sanctu ary, I may be pardoned for touching briefly 164 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. thereupon. Mr. Sawin was never a stated attendant upon my preaching, never, as I believe, even an occasional one, since the erection of the new house (where we now worship) in 1845. He did, indeed, for a time, supply a not unacceptable bass in the choir ; but, whether on some umbrage (om- nibus hoc vitium est cantoribus) taken against the bass-viol, then, and till his de cease in 1850, (cet. 77,) under the charge of Mr. Asaph Perley, or, as was reported by others, on account of an imminent sub scription for a new bell, he thenceforth ab sented himself from all outward and visible communion. Yet he seems to have pre served, (altti mente repostum^) as it were, in the pickle of a mind soured by prejudice, a lasting scunner, as he would call it, against our staid and -decent form of worship ; for I would rather in that wise interpret his fling, than suppose that any chance tares sown by my pulpit discourses should survive so long, while good seed too often fails to root itself. I humbly trust that I have no personal feel ing in the matter ; though I know that, if we sound any man deep enough, our lead shall bring up the mud of human nature at last. The Bretons believe in an evil spirit THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 165 which they call ar chouskezik, whose office it is to make the congregation drowsy ; and though I have never had reason to think that he was specially busy among my flock, yet have I seen enough to make me sometimes regret the hinged seats of the ancient meet ing-house, whose lively clatter, not unwil lingly intensified by boys beyond eyeshot of the tithiug-man, served at intervals as a wholesome rtiveil. It is true, I have num bered among my parishioners some who are proof against the prophylactic fennel, nay, whose gift of somnolence rivalled that of the Cretan Rip Van Winkle, Epimenides, and who, nevertheless, complained not so much of the substance as of the length of my (by them unheard) discourses. Some ingenious persons of a philosophic turn have assured us that our pulpits were set too high, and that the soporific tendency increased with the ratio of the angle in which the hearer s eye was constrained to seek the preacher. This were a curious topic for investigation. There can be no doubt that some sermons are pitched too high, and I remember many struggles with the drowsy fiend in my youth. Happy Saint Anthony of Padua, whose finny acolytes, however they 166 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. might profit, could never murmur ! Quare fremuerunt gentes ? Who is he that can twice a week be inspired, or has eloquence (ut ita dicarn) always on tap? A good man, and, next to David, a sacred poet, (himself, haply, not inexpert of evil in this particular,) has said, " The worst speak something good : if all want sense, God takes a text and preacheth patience." There are one or two other points in Mr. Sawin s letter which 1 would also briefly an imadvert upon. And first, concerning the claim he sets up to a certain superiority of blood and lineage in the people of our Southern States, now unhappily in rebellion against lawful authority and their own bet ter interests. There is a sort of opinions, an achronisms at once and anachorisms, foreign both to the age and the country, that main tain a feeble and buzzing existence, scarce to be called life, like winter flies, which in mild weather crawl out from obscure nooks and crannies to expatiate in the sun, and some times acquire vigor enough to disturb with their enforced familiarity the studious hours of the scholar. One of the most stupid and pertinacious of these is the theory that the Southern States were settled by a class of THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 167 emigrants from the Old World socially supe rior to those who founded the institutions of New England. The Virginians especially lay claim to this generosity of lineage, which were of no possible account, were it not for the fact that such superstitions are sometimes not without their effect on the course of hu man affairs. The early adventurers to Massa chusetts at least paid their passages ; no fel ons were ever shipped thither ; and though it be true that many deboshed younger brothers of what are called good families may have sought refuge in Virginia, it is equally cer tain that a great part of the early deporta tions thither were the sweepings of the Lon don streets and the leavings of the London stews. It w r as this my Lord Bacon had in mind when he wrote : " It is a shameful and unblessed thing to take the scum of people and wicked condemned men to be the people with whom you plant." That certain names are found there is nothing to the purpose, for, even had an alias been beyond the in vention of the knaves of that generation, it is known that servants were often called by their masters names as slaves are now. On what the heralds call the spindle side, some, at least, of the oldest Virginian fami- 168 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. lies are descended from matrons who were exported and sold for so many hogsheads of tobacco the head. So notorious was this, that it became one of the jokes of contempo rary playwrights, not only that men bankrupt in purse and character were " food for the Plantations," (and this before the settlement of New England), but also that any drab would suffice to wive such pitiful adventur ers. " Never choose a wife as if you were go ing to Virginia," says Middleton in one of his comedies. The mule is apt to forget all but the equine side of his pedigree. How early the counterfeit nobility of the Old Dominion became a topic of ridicule in the Mother Country may be learned from a play of Mrs. Behn s, founded on the Rebellion of Bacon : for even these kennels of literature may yield a fact or two to pay the raking. Mrs. Flirt, the keeper of a Virginia ordinary, calls herself the daughter of a baronet " undone in the late rebellion," her father having in truth been a tailor, and three of the Council, assuming to themselves an equal splendor of origin, are shown to have been, one " a broken exciseman who came over a poor servant," another a tinker transported for theft, and the third " a common pick- THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 169 pocket often flogged at the cart s tail." The ancestry of South Carolina will as little pass muster at the Herald s Visitation, though I hold them to have been more reputable, in asmuch as many of them were honest trades men and artisans, in some measure exiles for conscience sake, who would have smiled at the high-flying nonsense of their descendants. Some of the more respectable were Jews. The absurdity of supposing a population of eight millions all sprung from gentle loins in the course of a century and a half is too manifest for confutation. But of what use to discuss the matter ? An expert gene alogist will provide any solvent man with a genus et proavos to order. My Lord Bur- leigh said that " nobility was ancient riches," whence also the Spanish were wont to call their nobles ricos hombres, and the aris tocracy of America are the descendants of those who first became wealthy, by whatever means. Petroleum will in this wise be the source of much good blood among our pos terity. The aristocracy of the South, such as it is, has the shallowest of all foundations, for it is only skin-deep, the most odious of all, for, while affecting to despise trade, it traces its orijrin to a successful traffic in 170 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. men, women, and children, and still draws its chief revenues thence. And though, as Doctor Chamberlayne consolingly says in his Present State of England, " to become a Merchant of Foreign Commerce, without serving any Apprentisage, hath been allowed no disparagement to a Gentleman born, es pecially to a younger Brother," yet I con ceive that he would hardly have made a like exception in favor of the particular trade in question. Oddly enough this trade re verses the ordinary standards of social re spectability no less than of morals, for the retail and domestic is as creditable as the wholesale and foreign is degrading to him who follows it. Are our morals, then, no better than mores after all ? I do not be lieve that such aristocracy as exists at the South (for I hold with lA^&riua, fortissimum quemque generosissimum) will be found an element of anything like persistent strength in war, thinking the saying of Lord Bacon (whom one quaintly called inductionis dom- inus et Verulamii) as true as it is pithy, that " the more gentlemen, ever the more books of subsidies." It is odd enough as an historical precedent, that, while the fathers of New England were laying deep in relig- THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 171 ion, education, and freedom the basis of a polity which has substantially outlasted any then existing, the first work of the founders of Virginia, as may be seen in Wingfield s Memorial, was conspiracy and rebellion, odder yet, as showing the changes which are wrought by circumstance, that the first in surrection in South Carolina was against the aristocratical scheme of the Proprietary Gov ernment. I do not find that the cuticular aristocracy of the South has added anything to the refinements of civilization except the carrying of bowie-knives and the chewing of tobacco, a high-toned Southern gentleman being commonly not only quadrumanous but quidruminant. I confess that the present letter of Mr. Sawin increases my doubts as to the sincer ity of the convictions which he professes, and I am inclined to think that the triumph of the legitimate Government, sure sooner or later to take place, will find him and a large majority of his newly-adopted fellow-citizens (who hold with Daedalus, the primal sitter- on - the - fence, that medium tenere tutissi- murn) original Union men. The criticisms towards the close of his letter on certain of our failings are worthy to be seriously per- 172 TEE B1GLOW PAPERS. pended ; for he is not, as I think, without a spice of vulgar shrewdness. Fas est et db hosts doceri : there is no reckoning without your host. As to the good-nature in us which he seems to gird at, while I would not consecrate a chapel, as they have not scru pled to do in France to Notre Dame de la Haine (Our Lady of Hate), yet I cannot forget that the corruption of good-nature is the generation of laxity of principle. Good nature is our national characteristic ; and though it be, perhaps, nothing more than a culpable weakness or cowardice, when it leads us to put up tamely with manifold im positions and breaches of implied contracts, (as too frequently in our public convey ances,) it becomes a positive crime, when it leads us to look unresentfully on peculation, and to regard treason to the best Govern ment that ever existed as something with which a gentleman may shake hands without soiling his fingers. I do not think the gal lows-tree the most profitable member of our Sylva ; but, since it continues to be planted, 1 would fain see a Northern limb ingrafted on it, that it may bear some other fruit than loyal Tennesseeans. A relic has recently been discovered on THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 173 the east bank of Bushy Brook in North Jaalam, which I conceive to be an inscrip tion in Runic characters relating to the early expedition of the Northmen to this continent. I shall make fuller investigations, and communicate the result in due season. Respectfully, Your obedient servant, HOMER WILBUR, A. M. P. S. I inclose a year s subscription from Deacon Tiukham. I HED it on my min las time, when I to write ye started, To tech the leadin featurs o my gittin me con- varted ; But, ez my letters hez to go clearn roun by way o Cuby, T wun t seem no staler now than then, by th time it gits where you be. You know up North, though sees an things air plenty ez you please, Ther warn t nut one on em thet comes jes square with my idees : They all on em wuz too much mixed with Cov enants o Works, 174 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An would hev answered jest ez wal for Afrikins an Turks, Fer where s a Christian s privilige an his re wards ensuin , Ef tain t perfessin right an eend thout nary need o doin ? I dessay they suit workin -folks thet ain t noways pertic lar, But nut your Southun gen leman thet keeps his parpendic lar ; I don t blame nary man thet casts his lot along o his folks, But ef you callate to save me, t must be with folks thet is folks ; Cov nants o works go ginst my grain, but down here I ve found out The true fus -f em ly A 1 plan, here s how it come about. When I fus sot up with Miss S., sez she to me, sez she, " Without you git religion, Sir, the thing can t never be ; Nut but wut I respeck," sez she, "your intellec- tle part, But you wun t noways du for me athout a change o heart : Nothun religion works wal North, but it s ez soft ez spruce, Compared to ourn, for keepin sound," sez she, " upon the goose ; THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 175 A day s experunce d prove to ye, ez easy z pull a trigger, It takes the Southun pint o view to raise ten bales a nigger ; You 11 fin thet human natur, South, ain t whole some more n skin-deep, An once t a darkle s took with it, he wun t be wuth his keep." " How shell I git it, Ma am ? " sez I. " Attend the nex camp-meetin , Sez she, " an it 11 come to ye ez cheap ez on- bleached sheetin ." Wai, so I went along an hearn most an impres sive sarmon About besprinklin Afriky with fourth-proof dew o Harmon : He did n t put no weaknin in, but gin it to us hot, Z ef he an Satan d ben two bulls in one five- acre lot : I don t purtend to foller him, but give ye jes the heads ; For pulpit ellerkence, you know, most oilers kin o spreads. Ham s seed wuz gin to us in chairge, an should n t we be li ble In Kingdom Come, ef we kep back their priv - lege in the Bible ? The cusses an the promerses make one gret chain, an ef 176 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. You snake one link out here, one there, how much on t ud be lef ? All things wuz gin to man for s use, his sarvice, an delight; An don t the Greek an Hebrew words thet mean a Man mean White ? Ain t it belittlin the Good Book in all its proudes featurs To think t wuz wrote for black an brown an lasses-colored creaturs, Thet could n read it, ef they would, nor ain t by lor allowed to, But ough to take wut we think suits their nature, an be proud to ? Warn t it more prof table to bring your raw ma- teril thru Where you can work it inta grace an inta cotton, tu, Than sendin missionaries out where fevers might defeat em, An ef the butcher did n call, their p rishioners might eat em ? An then, agin, wut airthly use ? Nor t warn t our fault, in so fur Ez Yankee skippers would keep on a-totin on em over. T improved the whites by savin em from ary need o wurkin , An kep the blacks from bein lost thru idleness an shirkin ; THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 177 We took to em ez nat ral ez a barn-owl doos to mice, An bed our hull time on our hands to keep us out o vice ; It made us feel ez pop lar ez a hen doos with one chicken, An fill our place in Natur s scale by givin em a lickin : For why should Caesar git his dues more n Juno, Pomp, an Cuffy ? It s justifyin Ham to spare a nigger when he s stuffy. Where d their soles go tu, like to know, ef we should let em ketch Freeknowledgism an Fourierism an Speritoolism an sech ? When Satan sets himself to work to raise his very bes muss, He scatters roun onscriptur l views relatin to Ones mus. You d ough to seen, though, how his facs an argymunce an figgers Drawed tears o real conviction from a lot o pen tent niggers ! It warn t like Wilbur s meetin , where you re shet up in a pew, Your dickeys sorrin off your ears, an bilin to be thru ; Ther wuz a tent clost by thet hed a kag o sun- thin in it, 178 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Where you could go, ef you wuz dry, an damp ye in a minute ; An ef you did dror off a spell, ther wuz n t no occasion To lose the thread, because, ye see, he bellered like all Bashan. It s dry work follerin argymunce, an so, twix this an thet, I felt conviction weighin down somehow inside my hat ; It gvowed an growed like Jonah s gourd, a kin o whirlin ketched me, Ontil I fin lly clean giv out an owned up thet he d fetched me ; An when nine tenths o th perrish took to tum- hlin roun an hollerin , I did n fin no gret in th way o turnin tu an follerin . Soon ez Miss S. see thet, sez she, " Thet s wut I call wuth seein ! Thet s actin like a reas nable an intellectle bein ! " An so we fin lly made it up, concluded to hitch hosses, An here I be n my ellermunt among creation s bosses ; Arter I d drawed sech heaps o blanks, Fortin at last hez sent a prize, An chose me for a shinin light o missionary entaprise. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 179 This leads me to another pint on which I ve changed my plan thinkin so s t I might become a straight-out Southun man. Miss S. (her maiden name wuz Higgs, o the fus fem ly here) On her Ma s side s all Juggernot, on Pa s all Cavileer, An sence I ve merried into her an stept into her shoes, It ain t more n nateral thet I should modderfy my views : I Ve ben a-reaclin in Debow ontil I ve fairly gut So nlightened thet I d full ez lives ha ben a Dock ez nut ; An when we ve laid ye all out stiff, an Jeff hez gut his crown, An comes to pick his nobles out, wurit this child be in town ! We 11 hev an Age o Chivverlry surpassin Mister Burke s, Where every fem ly is ftis -best and nary white man works : Our system s sech, the thing 11 root ez easy ez a tater ; For while your lords in furrin parts ain t noways marked by natur , Nor sot apart from ornery folks in featurs nor in figgers, 180 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Ef ourn 11 keep their faces washed, you 11 know em from their niggers. Ain t seek things wuth secedin for, an gittin red o you Thet waller in your low idees, an will till all is blue? Fact, is, we air a diff rent race, an I, for one, don t see, Sech havin oilers ben the case, how w ever did agree. It s sunthin thet you lab rin -folks up North hed ough to think on, Thet Higgses can t bemean themselves to rulin by a Lincoln, Thet men, (an guv nors, tu,) thet hez sech Nor mal names ez Pickens, Accustomed to no kin o work, thout t is to giv- in lickins, Can t masure votes with folks thet git their livins from their farms, An prob ly think thet Law s ez good ez hevin coats o arms. Sence I ve ben here, I ve hired a chap to look about for me To git me a transplantable an thrifty fem ly- tree, An he tells me the Sawins is ez much o Normal blood Ez Pickens an the rest on em, an older n Noah s flood. THE El GLOW PAPERS. 181 Your Normal schools wun t turn ye into Nor mals, for it s clear, Ef eddykatin done the thing, they d be some skurcer here. Pickenses, Boggses, Pettuses, Magoffins, Letch- ers, Polks, Where can you scare up names like them among your mudsill folks ? Ther s nothin to compare with em, you d fin , ef you should glance, Among the tip-top femerlies in Englan , nor in France : I ve hearn from sponsible men whose word wuz full ez good s their note, Men thet can run their face for drinks, an keep a Sunday coat, Thet they wuz all on em come down, and come down pooty fur, From folks thet, thout their crowns wuz on, ou doors would n never stir, Nor thet ther warn t a Southun man but wut wuz primy fashy the bes blood in Europe, yis, an Afriky an Ashy : Sech bein the case, is t likely we should bend like cotton-wickin , Or set down under anythin so low-lived ez a lickin ? More n this, hain t we the literatoor an sci ence, tu, by gorry ? 182 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. Hain t we them intellectle twins, them giants, Simms an Maury, Each with full twice the ushle brains, like nothin thet I know, Thout t wuz a double-headed calf I see once to a show ? For all thet, I warn t jest at fust in favor o secedin ; I wuz for layin low a spell to find out where t wuz leadin , For hevin South-Carliny try her hand at seprit- nationin , She takin resks an findin funds, an we co-op- erationin , I mean a kin o hangin roun an settin on the fence, Till Prov dunce pinted how to jump an save the most expense ; I recollected thet ere mine o lead to Shiraz Centre Thet bust up Jabez Pettibone, an did n t want to ventur Fore I wuz sartin wut come out ud pay for wut went in, For swappin silver off for lead ain t the sure way to win ; (An , fact, it doos look now ez though but folks must live an larn We should git lead, an more n we want, out o the Old Consarn ;) THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 183 But when I see a man so wise an honest ez Buchanan A-lettin us hev all the forts an all the arms, an cannon, Admittin we wuz nat lly right an you wuz nat- lly wrong, Coz you wuz lab rin -folks an we wuz wut they call bony-tong, An coz there warn t no fight in ye more n in a mashed potater, While two o us can t skurcely meet but wut we fight by natur , An th ain t a bar-room here would pay for open- in on t a night, Without it giv the priverlege o bein shot at sight, Which proves we re Natur s noblemen, with whom it don t surprise The British aristoxy should feel boun to sympa thize, Seein all this, an seein , tu, the thing wuz strik- in roots While Uncle Sam sot still in hopes thet some one d bring his boots, I thought th ole Union s hoops wuz off, an let myself be sucked in To rise a peg an jine the crowd thet went for reconstructing Thet is, to hev the pardnership under th ole name continner 184 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Jest ez it wuz, we drorrin pay, you findin bone an sinner, On y to put it in the bond, an enter t in the journals, Thet you re the nat ral rank an file, an we the nat ral kurnels. Now this I thought a fees ble plan, thet ud work smooth ez grease, Suitin the Nineteenth Century an Upper Ten idees, An there I meant to stick, an so did most o th leaders, tu, Coz we all thought the chance was good o puttin on it thru ; But Jeff he hit upon a way o helpin on us for- rard By bein unannermous, a trick you ain t quite up to, Norrard. A baldin hain t no more f a chance with them new apple-corers Than folks s oppersition views aginst the Ring tail Roarers ; They 11 take em out on him bout east, one canter on a rail Makes a man feel unannermous ez Jonah in the whale ; Or ef he s a slow-moulded cuss thet can t seem quite t agree, He gits the noose by tellergraph upon the nighes tree: THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 185 Their mission-work with Afrikins hez put em up, thet s sartin, To all the mos across-lot ways o preachin an convartin ; I 11 bet my hat th ain t nary priest, nor all on em together, Thet cairs conviction to the min like Reveren Taranfeather ; Why, he sot up with me one night, an labored to sech purpose, Thet (ez an owl by daylight mongst a flock o teazin chirpers Sees clearer n mud the wickedness o eatin little birds) I see my error an agreed to shen it arterwurds ; An I should say, (to jedge our folks by facs in my possession,) Thet three s Unannermous where one s a Rigi- nal Secession ; So it s a thing you fellers North may safely bet your chink on, Thet we re all water-proofed agin th usurpin reign o Lincoln. Jeff s some. He s gut another plan thet hez per- tic lar merits, In givin things a cherfle look an stiffnin loose- hung sperits ; For while your million papers, wut with lyin an discussin , 186 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Keep folks s tempers all on eend a-fumin an a-fussin , A-wondrin this an guessin thet, an dreadin , every night, The breechin o the Univarse 11 break afore it s light, Our papers don t purtend to print on y wut Guv- ment choose, An thet insures us all to git the very best o noose : Jeff hez it of all sorts an kines, an sarves it out ez wanted, So s t every man gits wut he likes an nobody ain t scanted ; Sometimes it s vict ries, (they re bout all ther is that s cheap down here,) Sometimes it s France an England on the jump to interfere. Fact is, the less the people know o wut ther is a-doin , The hendier t is for Guv ment, sence it henders trouble brewin ; An noose is like a shinplaster, it s good, ef you believe it, Or, wut s all same, the other man thet s goin to receive it : Ef you ve a son in th army, wy, it s comfortin to hear He 11 hev no gretter resk to run than seein th in my s rear, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 187 Coz, ef an F. F. looks at em, they oilers break an run, Or wilt right down ez debtors will thet stumble on a dun, (An this, ef an thin , proves the wuth o proper fem ly pride, Fer sech mean shucks ez creditors are all on Lincoln s side ;) Ef I hev scrip thet wun t go off no more n a Belgin rifle, An read thet it s at par on Change, it makes me feel deli fle ; It s cheerin , tu, where every man mus fortify his bed, To hear thet Freedom s the one thing our darkies mos ly dread, An thet experunce, time n agin, to Dixie s Land hez shown Ther s nothin like a powder-cask f r a stiddy corner-stone ; Ain t it ez good ez nuts, when salt is sellin by the ounce For its own weight in Treash ry-bons, (ef bought in small amounts,) When even whiskey s gittin skurce, an sugar can t be found, To know thet all the ellerments o luxury abound ? An don t it glorify sal -pork, to come to under stand It s wut the Richmon editors call fatness o the land? 188 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Nex thing to knowin you re well off is nut to know when y ain t ; An ef Jeff says all s goin wal, who 11 ventur t say it ain t ? This cairn the Constitooshun roun ez Jeff doos in his hat Is hendier a dreffle sight, an comes more kin o pat. I tell ye wut, my jedgment is you re pooty sure to fail, Ez long z the head keeps turnin back for counsel to the tail : Th advantiges of our consarn for bein prompt air gret, While, long o Congress, you can t strike, f you git an iron het ; They bother roun with argooin , an var ous sorts o foolin , To make sure ef it s leg lly het, an all the while it s coolin , So s t when you come to strike, it ain t no gret to wish ye j y on, An hurts the hammer z much or more ez wut it doos the iron, Jeff don t allow no jawin -sprees for three months at a stretch, Knowin the ears long speeches suits air mostly made to metch ; He jes ropes in your touguey chaps an reg lar ten-inch bores THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 189 An lets em play at Congress, ef they 11 du it with closed doors ; So they ain t no more bothersome than ef we d took an sunk em, An yit enj y th exclusive right to one another s Buncombe Thout doin nobody no hurt, an thout its costin nothin , Their pay bein jes Confedrit funds, they findin keep an clothin ; They taste the sweets o public life, an plan their little jobs, An suck the Treash ry, (no gret harm, for it s ez dry ez cobs,) An go thru all the motions jest ez safe ez in a prison, An hev their business to themselves, while Bure- gard hez hisn : Ez long z he gives the Hessians fits, committees can t make bother Bout whether t s done the legle way or whether t s done the t other. An / tell you you ve gut to larn thet War ain t one long teeter Betwixt / wan to an T wurft du, debatin like a skeetur Afore he lights, all is, to give the other side a millin . An arter thet s done, th ain t no resk but wut the lor 11 be willin ; 190 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. No metter wut the guv ment is, ez nigh ez I can hit it, A lickin s constitooshunal, pervidin We don t git it. Jeff don t stan dilly-dallyin , afore he takes a fort, (With no one in,) to git the leave o the nex Soopreme Court, Nor don t want forty- leven weeks o jawin an expoundin To prove a nigger hez a right to save him, ef he s drowndin ; Whereas ole Abrara d sink afore he d let a darkie boost him, Ef Taney should n t come along an hed n t in- terdooced him. It ain t your twenty millions thet 11 ever block Jeff s game, But one Man thet wun t let em jog jest ez he s takin aim : Your numbers they may strengthen ye or weaken ye, ez t heppens They re willin to be helpin hands or wuss n- nothin cap ns. I ve chose my side, an t ain t no odds ef I wuz drawed with magnets, Or ef I thought it prudenter to jine the nighes bagnets ; I ve made my ch ice, an ciphered out, from all I see an heard, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 191 Th ole Constitooshun never d git her decks for action cleared, Long z you elect for Congressmen poor shotes thet want to go Coz they can t seem to git their grub no other- ways than so, An let your bes men stay to home coz they wun t show ez talkers, Nor can t be hired to fool ye an sof -soap ye at a caucus, Long z ye set by Rotashun more n ye do by folks s merits, Ez though experunce thriv by change o sile, like corn an kerrits, Long z you allow a critter s " claims " coz, spite o shoves an tippins, He s kep his private pan jest where t would ketch mos public drippins, Long z A. 11 turn tu an grin B. s exe, ef B. 11 help him grin hisn, (An thet s the main idee by which your leadin men hev risen,) Long z you let ary exe be groun , less t is to cut the weasan sneaks thet dunno till they re told wut is an wut ain t Treason, Long z ye give out commissions to a lot o ped- dlin drones Thet trade in whiskey with their men an skin em to their bones, 192 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Long z ye sift out " safe " canderdates thet no one ain t afeared on Coz they re so thund rin eminent for bein nev er heard on, An hain t no record, ez it s called, for folks to pick a hole in, Ez ef it hurt a man to hev a body with a soul in, An it wuz ostentashun to be showin on t about, When half his feller-citizens contrive to do with out, Long z you suppose your votes can turn biled kebbage into brain, An ary man thet s poplar s fit to drive a light- nin -train, Long z you believe democracy means / ra ez good ez you be, An that a feller from the ranks can t be a knave or booby, Long z Congress seems purvided, like yer street cars an yer busses, With oilers room for jes one more o your spiled-in-bakin cusses, Dough thout the emptins of a soul, an yit with means about em (Like essence-peddlers *) thet 11 make folks long to be without em, * A rustic euphemism for the American variety of the Me phitis, H. W. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 193 Jest heavy nough to turn a scale thet s doubtfle the wrong way, An make their nat ral arsenal o bein nasty P a 7- Long z them things last, (an / don t see no gret signs of improvin ,) I sha n t up stakes, not hardly yit, nor t would n t pay for movin ; For, fore you lick us, it 11 be the long st day ever you see. Yourn, [ez I xpec to be nex spring,] B., MABKISS o BIG BOOST. No. IV. A MESSAGE OF JEFF DAVIS IN SE CRET SESSION. Conjecturally reported by H. BIGLOW. TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. JAALAM, 10th March, 1862. GENTLEMEN, My leisure has been so entirely occupied with the hitherto fruitless endeavor to decipher the Runic inscription whose fortunate discovery I mentioned in my last communication, that I have not found time to discuss, as I had intended, the great problem of what we are to do with slavery, a topic on which the public mind in this place is at present more than ever agitated. What my wishes and hopes are I need not say, but for safe conclusions I do not conceive that we are yet in possession of facts enough on which to bottom them with certainty. Acknowledging the hand of Providence, as I do, in all events, I am some times inclined to think that they are wiser than we, and am willing to wait till we have made this continent once more a place where THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 195 freemen can live in security and honor, before assuming any further responsibility. This is the view taken by my neighbor Habakkuk Sloansure, Esq., the president of our bank, whose opinion in the practical affairs of life has great weight with me, as I have gener ally found it to be justified by the event, and whose counsel, had I followed it, would have saved me from an unfortunate investment of a considerable part of the painful economies of half a century in the Northwest-Passage Tunnel. After a somewhat animated discus sion with this gentleman, a few days since, I expanded, on the audi alteram partem principle, something which he happened to say by way of illustration, into the following fable. FESTINA LENTE. ONCE on a time there was a pool Fringed all about with flag-leaves cool And spotted with cow-lilies garish, Of frogs and pouts the ancient parish. Alders the creaking redwings sink on, Tussocks that house blithe Bob o Lincoln Hedged round the unassailed seclusion, Where muskrats piled their cells Carthusian; And many a moss-embroidered log, The watering-place of summer frog, Slept and decayed with patient skill, As waterinjj-places sometimes will. 196 THE I GLOW PAPERS. Now in this Abbey of Theleme, Which realized the fairest dream That ever dozing bull-frog had, Sunned on a half-sunk lily-pad, There rose a party with a mission To mend the polliwogs condition, Who notified the selectmen To call a meeting there and then. " Some kind of steps," they said, " are needed ; They don t come on so fast as we did : Let s dock their tails ; if that don t make em Frogs by brevet the Old One take em ! That boy, that came the other day To dig some flag-root down this way, His jack-knife left, and t is a sign That Heaven approves of our design : T were wicked not to urge the step on, When Providence has sent the weapon." Old croakers, deacons of the mire, That led the deep batrachian choir, Uk I Uk ! Caronk ! with bass that might Have left Lablache s out of sight, Shook nobby heads, and said, " No go ! You d better let em try to grow : Old Doctor Time is slow, but still He does know how to make a pill." But vain was all their hoarsest bass, Their old experience out of place, And spite of croaking and entreating, The vote was carried in marsh-meeting. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 197 " Lord knows," protest the polliwogs, " We re anxious to be grown-up frogs ; But do not undertake the work Of Nature till she prove a shirk ; T is not by jumps that she advances, But wins her way by circumstances : Pray, wait awhile, until you know We re so contrived as not to grow ; Let Nature take her own direction, And she 11 absorb our imperfection ; You might n t like em to appear with, But we must have the things to steer with." " No," piped the party of reform, " All great results are ta en by storm ; Fate holds her best gifts till we show We ve strength to make her let them go ; The Providence that works in history, And seems to some folks such a mystery, Does not creep slowly on incog., But moves by jumps, a mighty frog; No more reject the Age s chrism, Your queues are an anachronism ; No more the Future s promise mock, But lay your tails upon the block, Thankful that we the means have voted To have you thus to frogs promoted." The thing was done, the tails Avere cropped, And home each philotadpole hopped, In faith rewarded to exult, And wait the beautiful result. Too soon it came ; our pool, so long The theme of patriot bull-frog s song, 198 TEE BIGLOW PAPERS. Next day was reeking, fit to smother, With heads and tails that missed each other, Here snoutless tails, there tailless snouts : The only gainers Avere the pouts. MORAL. From lower to the higher next, Not to the top, is Nature s text ; And embryo Good, to reach full stature, Absorbs the Evil in its nature. I think that nothing will ever give per manent peace and security to this continent but the extirpation of Slavery therefrom, and that the occasion is nigh ; but I would do nothing hastily or vindictively, nor pre sume to jog the elbow of Providence. No desperate measures for me till we are sure that all others are hopeless, fleeter e si ne- queo SUPEROS, Acheronta movebo. To make Emancipation a reform instead of a revolu tion is worth a little patience, that we may have the Border States first, and then the non-slaveholders of the Cotton States, with us in principle, a consummation that seems to be nearer than many imagine. Fiat justitia, mat ccelum, is not to be taken in a literal sense by statesmen, whose prob lem is to get justice done with as little jar THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 199 as possible to existing order, which has at least so much of heaven in it that it is not chaos. Our first duty toward our enslaved brother is to educate him, whether he be white or black. The first need of the free black is to elevate himself according to the standard of this material generation. So soon as the Ethiopian goes in his chariot, he will find not only Apostles, but Chief Priests and Scribes and Pharisees willing to ride with him. Nil habct infelix paupertas durius in se Quam quod ridiculos homines facit. I rejoice in the President s late Message, which at last proclaims the Government on the side of freedom, justice, and sound pol icy. As I write, comes the news of our disaster at Hampton Roads. I do not understand the supineness which, after fair warning, leaves wood to an unequal conflict with iron. It is not enough merely to have the right on our side, if we stick to the old flint-lock of tradition. I have observed in my parochial experience (hand ignarus mail) that the Devil is prompt to adopt the latest inven tions of destructive warfare, and rnay thus take even such a three-decker as Bishop 200 TEE I GLOW PAPERS. Butler at an advantage. It is curious, that, as gunpowder made armor useless on shore, so armor is having its revenge by baffling its old enemy at sea, and that, while gun powder robbed land warfare of nearly all its picturesqueness to give even greater state- liness and sublimity to a sea-fight, armor bids fair to degrade the latter into a squab ble between two iron-shelled turtles. Yours, with esteem and respect, HOMER WILBUR, A. M. P. S. I had wellnigh forgotten to say that the object of this letter is to enclose a communication from the gifted pen of Mr. Bialow. you a messige, my friens, t other day, To tell you I d nothin pertickler to say : T \vuz the day our new nation gut kin o still born, So t wuz my pleasant dooty t acknowledge the corn, An I see clearly then, ef I did n t before, Thet the augur in inauguration means bore. I need n t tell you thet my messige wuz written To diffuse correc notions in France an Gret Britten, An agin to impress on the poppylar mind The comfort an wisdom o goin it blind, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 201 To say thet I did n t abate not a hooter O my faith in a happy an glorious futur , Ez rich in each soshle an p litickle blessin Ez them thet we now hed the joy o possessing With a people united, an longin to die For wut we call their country, without askin why, An all the gret things we concluded to slope for Ez much within reach now ez ever to hope for. We ve gut all the ellerments, this very hour, Thet make up a fus - class, self-governin power : We ve a war, an a debt, an a flag ; an ef this Ain t to be inderpendimt, why, wut on airth is ? An nothin now henders our takin our station Ez the freest, enlightenedest, civerlized nation, Built up on our bran -new politickle thesis Thet a Gov ment s fust right is to tumble to pieces, I say nothin henders our takin our place Ez the very fus -best o the whole human race, A spittin tobacker ez proud ez you please On Victory s bes carpets, or loafin at ease In the Tool ries front-parlor, discussin affairs With our heels on the backs o Napoleon s new chairs, An princes a-mixin our cocktails an slings, Excep , wal, excep jest a very few things, Sech ez navies an armies an wherewith to pay, An gittin our sogers to run t other way, An not be too over-pertickler in tryin To hunt up the very las ditches to die in. 202 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. Ther are critters so base thet they want it ex plained Jes wut is the totle amount thet we ve gained, Ez ef we could maysure stupenjious events By the low Yankee stan ard o dollars an cents : They seem to f orgit, thet, sence last year revolved, We ve succeeded in gittin seceshed an dissolved, An thet no one can t hope to git thru dissolootion Thout some kin o strain on the best Constitoo- tion. Who asks for a prospec more flettrin an bright, When from here clean to Texas it s all one free fight? Hain t we rescued from Seward the gret leadin featurs Thet makes it wuth while to be reasonin crea- turs? Hain t we saved Habus Coppers, improved it in fact, By suspendin the Unionists stid o the Act? Ain t the laws free to all ? Where on airth else d ye see Every freeman improvin his own rope an tree ? Ain t our piety sech (in our speeches an mes- siges) Ez t astonish ourselves in the bes - composed pes- siges, An to make folks that knowed us in th ole state o things Think convarsion ez easy ez drinkin gin-slings ? THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 203 It s ne sfeary to take a good confident tone With the public ; but here, jest amongst us, I own Things look blacker n thunder. Ther s no use denyin We re clean out o money, an most out o Two things a young nation can t mennage with out, Ef she wants to look wal at her fust comin out ; For the fust supplies physickle strength, while the second Gives a morril advantage thet s hard to be reck oned : For this latter I m willin to du wut I can ; For the former you 11 hev to consult on a plan, Though our fust want (an this pint I want your best views on) Is plausible paper to print I. 0. U.s on. Some gennlemen think it would cure all our cankers In the way o finance, ef we jes hanged the bankers ; An I own the proposle ud square with my views, Ef their lives wuz n t all thet we d left em to lose. Some say thet more confidence might be inspired, Ef we voted our cities an towns to be fired, A plan thet ud suttenly tax our endurance, Coz t would be our own bills we should git for th insurance : 204 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. But cinders, no metter how sacred we think em, Might n t strike furrin minds ez good sources of income, Nor the people, perhaps, would n t like the eclaw hein all turned into paytriots by law. Some want we should buy all the cotton an burn it, On a pledge, when we ve gut thru the war, to return it, Then to take the proceeds an hold them ez security For an issue o bonds to be met at maturity With an issue o notes to be paid in hard cash On the fus Monday follerin the tarnal All- smash : This hez a safe air, an , once hold o the gold, Ud leave our vile plunderers out in the cold, An might temp John Bull, ef it warn t for the dip he Once gut from the banks o my own Massissippi. Some think we could make, by arrangin the figgers, A hendy home-currency out of our niggers ; But it won t du to lean much on ary sech staff, For they re gittin tu current a ready, by half. One gennleman says, ef we lef our loan out Where Floyd could git hold on t, he d take it, no doubt ; But t ain t jes the takin , though t hez a good look, THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 205 We mus git sunthin out on it arter it s took, An we need now more n ever, with sorrer I own, Thet some one another should let us a loan, Sence a soger wun t fight, on y jes while he draws his Pay down on the nail, for the best of all causes, Thout askin to know wut the quarrel s about, An once come to thet, why, our game is played out. It s ez true ez though I should n t never hev said it Thet a hitch hez took place in our system o credit ; I swear it s all right in my speeches an mes- siges, But ther s idees afloat, ez ther is about ses- siges : Folks wun t take a bond ez a basis to trade on, Without nosin round to find out wut it s made on, An the thought more an more thru the public min crosses Thet our Treshry hez gut mos too many dead bosses. Wut s called credit, you see, is some like a bal loon, Thet looks while it s up most ez harnsome z a moon, But once git a leak in t an wut looked so grand Caves righ down in a jiffy ez flat ez your hand. 206 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Now the world is a dreffle mean place, for our sins, "Where ther ollus is critters about with long pins A-prickin the bubbles we ve blowed with sech care, An provin ther s nothin inside but bad air : They re all Stuart Millses, poor-white trash, an sneaks, Without no more chivverlry n Choctaws or Creeks, Who thinks a real gennleman s promise to pay Is meant to be took in trade s ornery way : Them fellers an I could n never agree ; They re the nateral foes o the Southun Idee ; I d gladly take all of our other resks on me To be red o this low-lived politikle con my ! Now a dastardly notion is gittin about Thet our bladder is bust an the gas oozin out, An onless we can mennage in some way to stop it, Why, the thing "s a gone coon, an we might ez wal drop it. Brag works wal at fust, but it ain t jes the thing For a stiddy inves ment the shiners to bring, An votin we re prosp rous a hundred times over Wun t change bein starved into livin on clover. Manassas done sunthin tow rds drawin the wool O er the green, anti-slavery eyes o John Bull : THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 207 Oh, wdr n t it a godsend, jes when sech tight fixes Wuz crowdin us mourners, to throw double- sixes I wuz tempted to think, an it wuz n t no wonder, Ther wuz reelly a Providence, over or un der, When, all packed for Nashville, I fust ascer tained From the papers up North wut a victory we d gained. T wuz the time for diffusin correc views abroad Of our union an strength an relyin on God ; An , fact, when I d gut thru my fust big surprise, I much ez half b lieved in my own tallest lies, An conveyed the idee thet the whole Southun popperlace Wuz Spartans all on the keen jump for Ther- mopperlies, Thet set on the Lincolnites bombs till they bust, An fight for the priv lege o clyin the fust ; But Roanoke, Bufort, Millspring, an the rest Of our recent starn-foremost successes out West, Hain t left us a foot for our swellin to stand on, We ve showed too much o wut Buregard calls abandon, For all our Thermopperlies (an it s a marcy We hain t hed no more) hev ben clean vicy- varsy, 208 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An \vut Spartans wuz lef when the battle wuz done Wuz them thet wuz too unambitious to run. Oh, ef we hed on y jes gut Reecognition, Things now would ha ben in a different position ! You d ha hed all you wanted : the paper block ade Smashed up into toothpicks, unlimited trade In the one thing thet s needfle, till niggers, I swow, Hed ben thicker n provisional shinplasters now, Quinine by the ton ginst the shakes when they seize ye, Nice paper to coin into C. S. A. specie ; The voice of the driver d be heerd in our land, An the univarse scringe, ef we lifted our hand : Would n t thet be some like a fulfillin the proph ecies, With all the fus fem lies in all the fust offices ? T wuz a beautiful dream, an all sorrer is idle, But ef Lincoln would ha hanged Mason an Slidell! For would n t the Yankees hev found they d ketched Tartars, Ef they d raised two sech critters as them into martyrs ? Mason wuz F. F. V., though a cheap card to win on, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 209 But tother was jes New York trash to begin on ; They ain t o no good in European pellices, But think wut a help they d ha ben on their gal lowses ! They d ha felt they wuz truly fulfillin their mis sion, An oh how dog-cheap we d ha gut Reecogni- tion ! But somehow another, wutever we ve tried, Though the the ry s fust-rate, the facs wun t coincide : Facs are contrary z mules, an ez hard in the mouth, An they allus hev showed a mean spite to the South. Sech bein the case, we hed best look about For some kin o way to slip our necks out : Le s vote our las dollar, ef one can be found, (An , at any rate, votin it hez a good sound,) Le s sware thet to arms all our people is flyin , (The critters can t read, an wun t know how we re lyin ,) Thet Toombs is advancin to sack Cincinnater, With a rovin commission to pillage an slahter, Thet we ve throwed to the winds all regard for wut s lawfle, An gone in for sunthin promiscu sly awfle. Ye see, hitherto, it s our own knaves an fools Thet we ve used, (those for whetstones, an t others ez tools,) 210 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An now our las chance is in puttin to test The same kin o cattle up North an out West, Your Belmonts, Vallandighams, AVoodses, an sech, -Poor shotes thet ye could n t persuade us to tech, Not in ornery times, though we re willin to feed em With a nod now an then, when we happen to need em ; Why, for my part, I d ruther shake hands with a nigger Than with cusses that load an don t darst dror a trigger ; They re the wust wooden nutmegs the Yankees produce, Shaky everywheres else, an jes sound on the goose ; They ain t wuth a cus, an I set nothin by em, But we re in sech a fix thet I s pose we mus try em. I But, Gennlemen, here s a dispatch jes come in Which shows thet the tide s begun turnin agin, Gret Cornfedrit success ! C lumbus eevacooated ! I mus run down an hev the thing properly stated, An show wut a triumph it is, an how lucky To fin lly git red o thet cussed Kentucky, An how, sence Fort Donelson, winnin the day Consists in triumphantly gittin away. No. V. SPEECH OF HONORABLE PRESERVED DOE IN SECRET CAUCUS. TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. JAALAM, 12th April, 1862. GENTLEMEN, As I cannot but hope that the ultimate, if not speedy, success of the national arms is now sufficiently ascertained, sure as I am of the righteousness of our cause and its consequent claim on the bless ing of God, (for I would not show a faith inferior to that of the pagan historian with his Facile evenit quod Dis cordi es,) it seems to me a suitable occasion to withdraw our minds a moment from the confusing din of battle to objects of peaceful and perma nent interest. Let us not neglect the mon uments of preterite history because what shall be history is so diligently making un der our eyes. Cras ingens iterabimus cequor ; to-morrow will be time enough for that stormy sea ; to-day let me engage the attention of your readers with the Kunic 212 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. inscription to whose fortunate discovery I have heretofore alluded. Well may we say with the poet, Multa renascuntur quce jam cecidere. And I would premise, that, al though I can no longer resist the evidence of my own senses from the stone before me to the ante-Columbian discovery of this con tinent by the Northmen, gens inclytissima, as they are called in a Palermitan inscrip tion, written fortunately in a less debatable character than that which I am about to de cipher, yet I would by no means be under stood as wishing to vilipend the merits of the great Genoese, whose name will never be forgotten so long as the inspiring strains of " Hail Columbia " shall continue to be heard. Though he must be stripped also of what ever praise may belong to the experiment of the egg, which I find proverbially attributed by Castilian authors to a certain Juanito or Jack, (perhaps an offshoot of our giant-kill ing mythus,) his name will still remain one of the most illustrious of modern times. But the impartial historian owes a duty like wise to obscure merit, and my solicitude to render a tardy justice is perhaps quickened by my having known those who, had their own field of labor been less secluded, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 213 might have found a readier acceptance with the reading public. I could give an exam ple, but I forbear : forsitan nostris ex ossi- bus oritur ultor. Touching Runic inscriptions, I find that they may be classed under three general heads : 1. Those which are understood by the Danish Royal Society of Northern Anti quaries, and Professor Raf n, their secretary ; 2. Those which are comprehensible only by Mr. Rafn ; and 3. Those which neither the Society, Mr. Rafn, nor anybody else can be said in any definite sense to understand, and which accordingly offer peculiar temptations to enucleating sagacity. These last are nat urally deemed the most valuable by intel ligent antiquaries, and to this class the stone now in my possession fortunately belongs. Such give a picturesque variety to ancient events, because susceptible oftentimes of as many interpretations as there are individual archaeologists ; and since facts are only the pulp in which the Idea or event-seed is softly imbedded till it ripen, it is of little conse quence what color or flavor we attribute to them, provided it be agreeable. Availing myself of the obliging assistance of Mr. Arphaxad Bowers, an ingenious photogra- 214 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. phic artist, whose house-on-wheels has now stood for three years on our Meeting-House Green, with the somewhat contradictory in scription, " our motto is onward" I have sent accurate copies of my treasure to many learned men and societies, both native and European. I may hereafter communi cate their different and (rne judice) equally erroneous solutions. I solicit also, Messrs. Editors, your own acceptance of the copy herewith inclosed. I need only promise further, that the stone itself is a goodly block of metamorphic sandstone, and that the Runes resemble very nearly the orni- thichnites or fossil bird-tracks of Dr. Hitch cock, but with less regularity or apparent design than is displayed by those remarkable geological monuments. These are rather the non bene junctarum discordia semina rerum. Resolved to leave no door open to cavil, I first of all attempted the elucidation of this remarkable example of lithic litera ture by the ordinary modes, but with no adequate return for my labor. I then con sidered myself amply justified in resorting to that heroic treatment the felicity of which, as applied by the great Beutley to Milton, had long ago enlisted my admira- THE RIGLOW PAPERS. 215 tion. Indeed, I had already made up my mind, that, in case good-fortune should throw any such invaluable record in my way, I would proceed with it in the following simple and satisfactory method. After a cursory examination, merely sufficing for an ap proximative estimate of its length, I would write down a hypothetical inscription based upon antecedent probabilities, and then pro ceed to extract from the characters engraven on the stone a meaning as nearly as possible conformed to this a priori product of my own ingenuity. The result more than justi fied my hopes, inasmuch as the two inscrip tions were made without any great violence to tally in all essential particulars. I then proceeded, not without some anxiety, to my second test, which was, to read the Runic letters diagonally, and again with the same success. With an excitement pardonable under the circumstances, yet tempered with thankful humility, I now applied my last and severest trial, my experimentum crucis. I turned the stone, now doubly precious in my eyes, with scrupulous exactness upside down. The physical exertion so far dis placed my spectacles as to derange for a moment the focus of vision. I confess that 216 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. it was with some tremulousness that I read justed them upon my nose, and prepared my mind to bear with calmness any disappoint ment that might ensue. But, O albo dies notanda lapillo ! what was my delight to find that the change of position had effected none in the sense of the writing, even by so much as a single letter ! I was now, and justly, as I think, satisfied of the conscien tious exactness of my interpretation. It is as follows : HEBE BJARNA GRIMOLFSSON FIRST DRANK CLOUD-BROTHER THROUGH CHILD-OF-LASTD-AJSTD-WATER : that is, drew smoke through a reed stem. In other words, we have here a record of the first smoking of the herb Nicotiana Ta- bacum by an European on this continent. The probable results of this discovery are so vast as to baffle conjecture. If it be ob jected, that the smoking of a pipe would hardly justify the setting up of a memorial stone, I answer, that even now the Moquis Indian, ere he takes his first whiff, bows reverently toward the four quarters of the sky in succession, and that the loftiest monu ments have been reared to perpetuate fame, THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 217 which is the dream of the shadow of smoke. The Saga, it will be remembered, leaves this Bjarna to a fate something like that of Sir Humphrey Gilbert on board a sinking ship in the " wormy sea," having generously given up his place in the boat to a certain Ice lander. It is doubly pleasant, therefore, to meet with this proof that the brave old man arrived safely in Vinland, and that his de clining years were cheered by the respect ful attentions of the dusky denizens of our then uninvaded forests. Most of all was I gratified, however, in thus linking forever the name of my native town with one of the most momentous occurrences of modern times. Hitherto Jaalam, though in soil, climate, and geographical position as highly qualified to be the theatre of remarkable historical incidents as any spot on the earth s surface, has been, if I may say it without seeming to question the wisdom of Provi dence, almost maliciously neglected, as it might appear, by occurrences of world-wide interest in want of a situation. And in mat ters of this nature it must be confessed that adequate events are as necessary as the rates sacer to record them. Jaalam stood always modestly ready, but circumstances made no 218 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. fitting response to her generous intentions. Now, however, she assumes her place on the historic roll. I have hitherto been a zeal ous opponent of the Circean herb, but I shall now reexamine the question without bias. I am aware that the Kev. Jonas Tutchel, in a recent communication to the Bogus Four Corners Weekly Meridian, has endeav ored to show that this is the sepulchral in scription of Thorwald Eriksson, who, as is well known, was slain in Vinland by the natives. But I think he has been misled by a preconceived theory, and cannot but feel that he has thus made an ungracious return for my allowing him to inspect the stone with the aid of my own glasses (he having by acci dent left his at home) and in my own study. The heathen ancients might have instructed this Christian minister in the rites of hospi tality ; but much is to be pardoned to the spirit of self-love. He must indeed be ingen ious who can make out the words her hv ilir from any characters in the inscription in question, which, whatever else it may be, is certainly not mortuary. And even should the reverend gentleman succeed in persuading some fantastical wits of the soundness of his THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 219 views, I do not see what useful end he will have gained. For if the English Courts of Law hold the testimony of grave-stones from the burial-grounds of Protestant dissenters to be questionable, even where it is essential in proving a descent, I cannot conceive that the epitaphial assertions of heathens should be esteemed of more authority by any man of orthodox sentiments. At this moment, happening to cast my eyes upon the stone, on which a transverse light from my southern window brings out the characters with singular distinctness, another interpretation has occurred to me, promising even more interesting results. I hasten to close my letter in order to follow at once the clew thus providentially suggested. I inclose as usual a contribution from Mr. Biglow and remain, Gentlemen, with esteem and respect, Your Obedient Humble Servant, HOMER WILBUR, A. M. I THANK ye, my friens, for the warmth o your greetin : Ther s few airthly blessins but wut s vain an fleetin ; 220 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. But ef ther is one thet hain t no cracks an flaws, An is wuth goin in for, it s pop lar applause ; It sends up the sperits ez lively ez rockets, An I feel it wal, down to the eend o my pockets. Jes lovin the people is Canaan in view, But it s Canaan paid quarterly t hev em love you; It s a blessin thet s breakin out ollus in fresh spots ; It s a-follerin Moses thout losin the flesh-pots. But, Gennlemen, scuse me, I ain t such a raw cus Ez to go luggin ellerkence into a caucus, Thet is, into one where the call comprehends Nut the People in person, but on y their friends ; I m so kin o used to convincin the masses Of th edvantage o bein self-governin asses, I forgut thet we re all o the sort thet pull wires An arrange for the public their wants an desires, An thet wut we hed met for wuz jes to agree Wut the People s opinions in futur should be. Now, to come to the nub, we ve ben all disap- pinted, An our leadin idees are a kind o disjinted, Though, fur ez the nateral man could discern, Things ough to ha took most an oppersite turn. But The ry is jes like a train on the rail, Thet, weather or 110, puts her thru without fail, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 221 While Fac s the ole stage thet gits sloughed in the ruts, An hez to allow for your darned efs an buts, An so, nut intendin no pers nal reflections, They don t don t nut allus, thet is, make connections : Sometimes, when it really doos seem thet they d oughter Combine jest ez kindly ez new rum an water, Both 11 be jest ez sot in their ways ez a bagnet, Ez otherwise-minded ez th eends of a magnet, An folks like you n me thet ain t ept to be sold, Git somehow or nother left out in the cold. I expected fore this, thout no gret of a row, Jeff D. would ha ben where A. Lincoln is now, With Taney to say t wuz all legle an fair, An a jury o Deemocrats ready to swear Thet the ingin o State gut throwed into the ditch By the fault o the North in misplacin the switch. Things wuz ripenin fustrrate with Buchanan to miss em ; But the People they would n t be Mexicans, cuss em ! Ain t the safeguards o freedom upsot, z you may say, Ef the right o rev lution is took clean away ? An doos n t the right primy-fashy include The bein entitled to nut be subdued ? The fact is, we d gone for the Union so strong, 222 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. When Union meant South ollus right an North wrong, Thet the people gut fooled into thinkin it might Worry on middlin wal with the North in the right. We might ha ben now jest ez prosp rous ez France, Where p litikle enterprise hez a fair chance, An the people is heppy an proud et this hour, Long ez they hev the votes, to let Nap hev the power ; But our folks they went an believed wut we d told em, An , the flag once insulted, no mortle could hold em. T wuz provokin jest when we wuz cert in to win, An I. for one, wunt trust the masses agin : For a people thet knows much ain t fit to be free In the self-cockin , back-action style o J. D. I can t believe now but wut half on t is lies ; For who d thought the North wuz a-goin to rise, Or take the pervokin est kin of a stump, Thout t wuz sunthin ez pressin ez Gabr el s las trump ? Or who d ha supposed, arter seek swell an blus ter Bout the lick-ary-ten-on-ye fighters they d mus ter, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 223 Raised by hand on briled lightnin , ez op lent z you please In a primitive furrest o femmily-trees, Who d ha thought thet them Southuners ever ud show Starns with pedigrees to em like theirn to the foe, Or, when the vamosin come, ever to find Nat ral masters in front an mean white folks be hind ? By ginger, ef I d ha known half I know now, When I wuz to Congress, I would n t, I swow, Hev let em cair on so high-minded an sarsy, "Thout some show o wut you may call vicy-varsy. To be sure, we wuz under a contrac jes then To be dreffle forbearin towards Southun men ; We hed to go sheers in preservin the bellance ; An ez they seemed to feel they wuz wastin their tellents Thout some un to kick, t warn t more n proper, you know, Each should funrtish his part ; an sence they found the toe, An we wuz n t cherubs wal, we found the buffer, For fear thet the Compromise System should suffer. I wun t say the plan hed n t onpleasant fea- turs, 224 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. For men are perverse an onreasonin creaturs, An forgit thet in this life t ain t likely to hep- pen Their own privit fancy should ollus be cappen, But it worked jest ez smooth ez the key of a safe, An the gret Union bearins played free from all chafe. They warn t hard to suit, ef they hed their own way; An we (thet is, some on us) made the thing pay: T wuz a fair give-an -take out of Uncle Sam s heap ; Ef they took wut warn t theirn, wut we give come ez cheap ; The elect gut the offices down to tidewaiter, The people took skinnin ez mild ez a tater, Seemed to choose who they wanted tu, footed the bills, An felt kind o z though they wuz havin their wills, Which kep em ez harmless an cherfle ez crick ets, While all we invested wuz names on the tick ets: Wai, ther s nothin , for folks fond o lib ral con sumption Free o charge, like democ acy tempered with gumption ! THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 225 Now warn t thet a system wuth pains in presarv- in , Where the people found jints an their friens done the carvin , Where the many done all o their thinkin by proxy, An were proud on t ez long ez t wuz christened Democ cy, Where the few let us sap all o Freedom s foundations, Ef you call it reformin with prudence an pa tience, An were willin Jeff s snake-egg should hetch with the rest, Ef you writ " Constitootional " over the nest ? But it s all out o kilter, ( t wuz too good to last.) An all jes by J. D. s perceeding too fast ; Ef he d on y hung on for a month or two more, We d ha gut things fixed nicer n they hed ben before : Afore he drawed off an lef all in confusion, We wuz safely entrenched in the ole Constitoo- tion, With an outlyin , heavy-gun, casemated fort To rake all assailants, I mean th S. J. Court. Now I never 11 acknowledge (nut ef you should skin me) T wuz wise to abandon sech works to the in my, An let him fin out thet wut scared him so lon<r. 226 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Our whole line of argyments, lookin so strong, All our Scriptur an law, every the ry an fac, Wuz Quaker-guns daubed with Pro-slavery black. Why, ef the Republicans ever should git Andy Johnson or some one to lend em the wit An the spunk jes to mount Constitootion an Court With Columbiad guns, your real ekle-rights sort, Or drill out the spike from the ole Declaration Thet can kerry a solid shot clearn roun creation, We d better take maysures for shettin up shop, An put off our stock by a vendoo or swop. But they wun t never dare tu ; you 11 see em in Edom Fore they ventur to go where their doctrines ud lead em: They ve ben takin our princerples up ez we dropt em, An thought it wuz terrible cute to adopt em ; But they 11 fin out fore long thet their hope s ben deceivin em, An thet princerples ain t o no good, ef you b lieve in em ; It makes em tu stiff for a party to use, Where they d ough to be easy z an ole pair o shoes. If we say n our pletform thet all men are broth ers, We don t mean thet some folks ain t more so n some others ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 227 An it s wal understood thet we make a selec tion, An thet brotherhood kin o subsides arter lec tion. The fust thing for sound politicians to larn is, Thet Truth, to dror kindly in all sorts o harness, Mus be kep in the abstract, for, come to ap ply it, You re ept to hurt some folks s interists by it. Wal, these ere Republicans (some on em) ects Ez though gineral mexims ud suit speshle facts ; An there s where we 11 nick em, there s where they 11 be lost : For applyin your princerple s wut makes it cost, An folks don t want Fourth o July t interfere With the business-consarns o the rest o the year, No more n they want Sunday to pry an to peek Into wut they are doin the rest o the week. A ginooine statesman should be on his guard, Ef he must hev beliefs, nut to b lieve em tu hard ; For, ez sure ez he does, he 11 be blartin em out Thout regardin the natur o man more n a spout, Nor it don t ask much gumption to pick out a flaw In a party whose leaders are loose in the jaw : An so in our own case I ventur to hint 228 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Thet we d better nut air our perceedins in print, Nor pass resserlootions ez long ez your arm Thet may, ez things heppeii to turn, do us harm ; For when you ve done all your real meanin to smother, The darned things 11 up an mean sunthin or nother. Jeff son prob ly meant wal with his " born free an ekle," But it s turned out a real crooked stick in the sekle ; It s taken full eighty-odd year don t you see ? From the pop lar belief to root out thet idee, An , arter all, suckers on t keep buddin forth In the nat lly onprincipled mind o the North. No, never say nothin without you re compelled to, An then don t say nothin thet you can be held tu, Nor don t leave no friction-idees layin loose For the ign ant to put to incend ary use. You know I m a feller thet keeps a skinned eye On the leetle events thet go skurryin by, Coz it s of ner by them than by gret ones you 11 see Wut the p litickle weather is likely to be. " Now I don t think the South s more n begun to be licked, TEE B1GLOW PAPERS. 229 But I du think, ez Jeff says, the wind-bag s gut pricked ; It 11 blow for a spell an keep puffin an wheez- in , The tighter our army an navy keep squeezing For they can t help spread-eaglein long z ther s a mouth To blow Enfield s Speaker thru lef at the South. But it s high time for us to be settin our faces Towards reconstructin the national basis, With an eye to beginnin agin on the jolly ticks We used to chalk up hind the back-door o poli tics ; An the fus thing s to save wut of Slav ry ther s lef Arter this (I mus call it) imprudence o Jeff : For a real good Abuse, with its roots fur an wide, Is the kin o thing I like to hev on my side ; A Scriptur name makes it ez sweet ez a rose, An its tougher the older an uglier it grows (I ain t speakin now o the righteousness of it, But the p litickle purchase it gives an the profit.) Things look pooty squally, it must be allowed, An I don t see much signs of a bow in the cloud : Ther s too many Deemocrats leaders, wut s wuss Thet go for the Union thout carin a cuss 230 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Ef it helps ary party thet ever wuz heard on, So our eagle ain t made a split Austrian bird on. But ther s still some consarvative signs to be found Thet shows the gret heart o the People is sound : (Excuse me for usin a stump-phrase agin, But, once in the way on t, they will stick like sin :) There s Phillips, for instance, hez jes ketched a Tartar In the Law- n -Order Party of ole Cincinnater ; An the Compromise System ain t gone out o reach, Long z you keep the right limits on freedom o speech. T warn t none too late, neither, to put on the gag, For he s dangerous now he goes in for the flag. Nut thet I altogether approve o bad eggs, They re mos gin lly argymunt on its las legs, An their logic is ept to be tu indiscriminate, Nor don t ollus wait the right objecs to liminate ; But there is a variety on em, you 11 find, Jest ez usefle an more, besides bein refined, I mean o the sort thet are laid by the diction ary, Sech ez sophisms an cant, thet 11 kerry convic tion ary Way thet you want to the right class o men, An are staler than all t ever come from a hen : THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 281 " Disunion " done wal till our resh Southun friends Took the savor all out on t for national ends ; But I guess " Abolition " 11 work a spell yit, When the war s done, an so will " Forgive-an for git." Times mus be pooty thoroughly out o all jint, Ef we can t make a good constitootional pint ; An the good time 11 come to be grindin our exes, When the war goes to seed in the nettle o texes : Ef Jon than don t squirm, with sech helps to as sist him, I give up my faith in the free-suffrage system ; Democ cy wun t be nut a might interesting Nor p litikle capital much wuth investin ; An my notion is to keep dark an lay low Till we see the right minute to put in our blow. But I ve talked longer now n T hed any idee, An ther s others you want to hear more n you du me ; So I 11 set down an give thet ere bottle a skrim- mage, For I ve spoke till I m dry ez a real graven image. No. VL SUNTHIN IN THE PASTORAL LINE. TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. JAALAM, 17th May, 1862. GENTLEMEN, At the special request of Mr. Biglow, I intended to enclose, together with his own contribution, (into which, at my suggestion, he has thrown a little more of pastoral sentiment than usual,) some passages from my sermon on the day of the National Fast, from the text, " Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them," Heb. xiii. 3. But I have not leisure sufficient at present for the copying of them, even were I altogether satisfied with the production as it stands. I should prefer, I confess, to contribute the entire discourse to the pages of your respectable miscellany, if it should be found acceptable upon perusal, especially as I find the difficulty of selection of greater magnitude than I had anticipated. What passes without challenge in the fervor of oral delivery, cannot always stand the THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 233 colder criticism of the closet. I am not so great an enemy of Eloquence as my friend Mr. Biglow would appear to be from some passages in his contribution for the current month. I would not, indeed, hastily sus pect him of covertly glancing at myself in his somewhat caustic animadversions, albeit some of the phrases he girds at are not entire strangers to my lips. I am a more hearty admirer of the Puritans than seems now to be the fashion, and believe that, if they Hebraized a little too much in their speech, they showed remarkable practical sagacity as statesmen and founders. But such Phenomena as Puritanism are the results rather of great religious than merely social convulsions, and do not long survive them. So soon as an earnest conviction has cooled into a phrase, its work is over, and the best that can be done with it is to bury it. Ite, missa est. I am inclined to agree with Mr. Biglow that we cannot settle the great political questions which are now pre senting themselves to the nation by the opin ions of Jeremiah or Ezekiel as to the wants and duties of the Jews in their time, nor do I believe that an entire community with their feelings and views would be practicable or 234 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. even agreeable at the present day. At the same time I could wish that their habit of subordinating the actual to the moral, the flesh to the spirit, and this world to the other, were more common. They had found out, at least, the great military secret that soul weighs more than body. But I am sud denly called to a sick-bed in the household of a valued parishioner. With esteem and respect, Your obedient servant, HOMER WILBUR. ONCE git a smell o musk into a draw, An it clings hold like precerdents in law : Your gra ma am put it there, when, goodness knows, To jes this-worldify her Sunday-clo es ; But the old chist wun t sarve her gran son s wife, (For, thout new funnitoor, wut good in life ?) An so ole clawfoot, from the precinks dread the spare chamber, slinks into the shed, Where, dim with dust, it fust or last subsides To holdin seeds an fifty things besides ; But better days stick fast in heart an husk, An all you keep in t gits a scent o musk. Jes so with poets : wut they ve airly read Gits kind o worked into their heart an head, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 235 So s t they can t seem to write but jest on sheers With furrin countries or played-out ideers, Nor hev a feelin , ef it doos n t smack O wut some critter chose to feel way back : This makes em talk o daisies, larks, an things, Ez though we d nothin here that blows an sings, (Why, I d give more for one live bobolink Than a square mile o larks in printer s ink,) This makes em think our fust o May is May, Which t ain t, for all the almanicks can say. little city-gals, don t never go it Blind on the word o noospaper or poet ! They re apt to puff, an May-day seldom looks Up in the country ez it doos in books ; They re no more like than hornets - nests an hives, Or printed sarmons be to holy lives. I, with my trouses perched on cow-hide boots, Tuggin my foundered feet out by the roots, Hev seen ye come to fling on April s hearse Your muslin nosegays from the milliner s, Puzzlin to find dry ground your queen to choose, An dance your throats sore in morocker shoes : 1 ve seen ye an felt proud, thet, come wut would, Our Pilgrim stock wuz pithed with hardihood. Pleasure doos make us Yankees kind o winch, Ez though t wuz sun thin paid for by the inch ; 236 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. But yit we du contrive to worry thru, Ef Dooty tells us thet the thing s to du, An kerry a hollerday, ef we set out, Ez stiddily ez though t wuz a redoubt. I, country-born an bred, know where to find Some blooms thet make the season suit the mind, An seem to metch the doubtin bluebird s notes, Half-vent rin liverworts in furry coats, Bloodroots, whose rolled-up leaves ef you oncurl, Each on em s cradle to a baby-pearl, But these are jes Spring s pickets ; sure ez sin, The rebble frosts 11 try to drive em in ; For half our May s so awfully like May n t, T would rile a Shaker or an evrige saint ; Though I own up I like our back ard springs Thet kind o haggle with their greens an things, An when you most give up, ithout more words Toss the fields full o blossoms, leaves, an birds : Thet s Northun natur , slow an apt to doubt, But when it doos git stirred, ther s no gin-out ! Fust come the blackbirds clatt rin in tall trees, An settlin things in windy Congresses, Queer politicians, though, for I 11 be skinned Ef all on em don t head against the wind. Fore long the trees begin to show belief, The maple crimsons to a coral-reef, THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 237 Then saffern swarms swing off from all the \\lllers So plump they look like yaller caterpillars, Then gray hossches nuts leetle hands unfold Softer n a baby s be at three days old : Thet s robin-redbreast s almanick ; he knows Thet arter this ther s only blossom-snows ; So, choosin out a handy crotch an spouse, He goes to plast rin his adobe house. Then seems to come a hitch, things lag behind, Till some fine mornin Spring makes up her mind, An ez, when snow-swelled rivers cresh their dams Heaped-up with ice thet dovetails in an jams, A leak comes spirtiu thru some pin-hole cleft, Grows stronger, fercer, tears out right an left, Then all the waters bow themselves an come, Suddin, in one gret slope o shedderin foam, Jes so our Spring gits everythin in tune An gives one leap from April into June : Then all comes crowdin in ; afore you think, Young oak-leaves mist the side-hill woods with pink ; The catbird in the laylock-bush is loud ; The orchards turn to heaps o rosy cloud ; Red-cedars blossom tu, though few folks know it, An look all dipt in sunshine like a poet ; The lime-trees pile their solid stacks o shade An drows ly simmer with the bees sweet trade ; 238 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. In ellum-shrouds the flashin hangbird clings, An for the summer vy ge his hammock slings ; All down the loose-walled lanes in archin bow ers The barb ry droops its strings o golden flowers, Whose shrinkin hearts the school-gals love to try With pins, they 11 worry yourn so, boys. bimeby ! But I don t love your cat logue style, do you? Ez ef to sell off Natur by vendoo ; One word with blood in t s twice ez good ez two: Nuff sed, June s bridesman, poet o the year, Gladness on wings, the bobolink, is here ; Half -hid in tip-top apple-blooms he swings, Or climbs aginst the breeze with quiverin wings, Or, givin way to t in a mock despair, Runs down, a brook o laughter, thru the air. I ollus feel the sap start in my veins In Spring, with curus heats an prickly pains, Thet drive me, when I git a chance, to walk Off by myself to hev a privit talk With a queer critter thet can t seem to gree Along o me like most folks, Mister Me. Ther s times when I m unsoshle ez a stone, An sort o suffocate to be alone, I m crowded jes to think thet folks are nigh, An can t bear nothin closer than the sky ; THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 239 Now the wind s full ez shifty in the mind Ez wut it is ou -doors, ef I ain t blind, An sometimes, in the fairest sou west weather, My innard vane pints east for weeks together, My natur gite all goose-flesh, an my sins Come drizzlin on my conscience sharp ez pins : Wai, et sech times I jes slip out o sight An take it out in a fair stan -up fight With the one cuss I can t lay on the shelf, The crook dest stick in all the heap, Myself. T wuz so las Sabbath arter meetin -time : Finclin my feelin s would n t noways rhyme With nobody s, but off the hendle flew An took things from an east-wind pint o view, I started off to lose me in the hills Where the pines be, up back o Siah s Mills : Pines, ef you re blue, are the best friends I know. They mope an sigh an sheer your feelin s so, They hesh the ground beneath so, tu, I swan, You half-forgit you Ve gut a body on. Ther s a small school us there where four roads meet, The door-steps hollered out by little feet, An side-posts carved with names whose owners grew To gret men, some on em, an deacons, tu ; T ain t used no longer, coz the town hez gut A high-school, where they teach the Lord knows wut : 240 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. Three-story larnin s pop lar now ; I guess We thriv ez wal on jes two stories less, For it strikes me ther s sech a thing ez sinnin By overloadin children s underpinnin . Wal, here it wuz I lamed my ABC, An it s a kind o favorite spot with me. We re curus critters : Now ain t jes the minute Thet ever fits us easy while we re in it ; Long ez t wuz futur , twould be perfect bliss, Soon ez it s past, thet time s wuth ten o this ; An yit there ain t a man thet need be told Thet Now s the only bird lays eggs o gold. A knee-high lad, I used to plot an plan An think t wuz life s cap-sheaf to be a man ; Now gittin gray, there s nothin I enjoy Like dreamin back along into a boy : So the ole school us is a place I choose Afore all others, ef I want to muse ; I set down where I used to set, an git My boyhood back, an better things with it, Faith, Hope, an sunthin , ef it is n t Cherrity, It s want o guile, an thet s ez gret a rerrity. Now, fore I knowed, thet Sabbath arternoon Thet I sot out to tramp myself in tune, I found me in the school us on my seat, Drummin the march to No-wheres with my feet. Thinkin o nothin , I ve heerd ole folks say, Is a hard kind o dooty in its way : THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 241 It s thinkin everythin you ever knew, Or ever hearn, to make your feelin s blue. I sot there tryin thet on for a spell : I thought o the Rebellion, then o Hell, Which some folks tell ye now is jest a metterfor (A the ry, p raps, it wun t feel none the better for); I thought o Reconstruction, wut we d win Patchin our patent self-blow-up agin : I thought ef this ere milkin o the wits, So much a month, warn t givin Natur fits, Ef folks warn t druv, findin their own milk fail, To work the cow thet hez an iron tail, In ef idees thout ripenin in the pan Would send up cream to humor ary man : From this to thet I let my worryin creep, Till finally I must ha fell asleep. Our lives in sleep are some like streams thet glide Twixt flesh an sperrit boundin on each side, Where both shores shadders kind o mix an mingle In sunthin thet ain t jes like either single ; An when you cast off moorin s from To-day, An down towards To-morrer drift away, The imiges thet tengle on the stream Make a new upside-down ard world o dream : Sometimes they seem like sunrise-streaks an warnin s wut 11 be in Heaven on Sabbath-mornin s, 242 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. An , mixed right in ez ef jest out o spite, Sunthin thet says your supper ain t gone right. I m gret on dreams, an often, when I wake, I ve lived so much it makes my mem ry ache, An can t skurce take a cat-nap in my cheer Thout hevin em, some good, some bad, all queer. Now I wuz settin where I d ben, it seemed, An ain t sure yit whether I r ally dreamed, Nor, ef I did, how long I might ha slep , When I hearn some un stompin up the step, An lookin round, ef two an two make four, I see a Pilgrim Father in the door. He wore a steeple-hat, tall boots, an spurs With rowels to em big ez ches nut burrs, An his gret sword behind him sloped away Long z a man s speech thet dunno wut to say. " Ef your name s Biglow, an your given-name Hosee," sez he, " it s arter you I came ; I m your gret-gran ther multiplied by three." " My wut ? " sez I. " Your gret-gret-gret," sez he : " You would n t ha never ben here but for me. " Two hundred an three year ago this May The ship I come in sailed up Boston Bay ; I d been a cunnle in our Civil War, But wut on airth hev you gut up one for ? Coz we du things in England, t ain t for you THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 243 To git a notion you can du em tu : I m told you write in public prints : ef true^ It s nateral you should know a thing or two." " Thet air s an argymunt I can t endorse, T would prove, coz you wear spurs, you kep a horse : For brains," sez I, " wutever you may think, Ain t boun to cash the drafs o pen-an -ink, Though mos folks write ez ef they hoped jes quickenin The churn would argoo skim-milk into thickenin ; But skim-milk ain t a thing to change its view O wut it s meant for more n a smoky flue. But du pray tell me, fore we furder go, How in all Natur did you come to know Bout our affairs," sez I, " in Kingdom-Come ? " " Wai, I worked round at sperrit-rappin some, An danced the tables till their legs wuz gone, In hopes o larnin wut wuz goin on," Sez he, " but mejums lie so like all-split Thet I concluded it wuz best to quit. But, come now, ef you wun t confess to knowin , You ve some conjectures how the thing s a-go- inV " Gran ther," sez I, " a vane warn t never known Nor asked to hev a jedgment of its own ; An yit, ef t ain t gut rusty in the jints, It s safe to trust its say on certin pints : It knows the wind s opinions to a T, An the wind settles wut the weather 11 be." 244 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. " I never thought a scion of our stock Could % grow the wood to make a weathercock ; When I wuz younger n you, skurce more n a shaver, No airthly wind," sez he, " could make me waver ! " (Ez he said this, he clinched his jaw an fore head, Hitchin his belt to bring his sword-hilt for- rard.) " Jes so it wuz with me," sez I, " I swow, When / wuz younger n wut you see me now, Nothin from Adam s fall to Huldy s bonnet, Thet I warn t full-cocked with my jedgment on it; But now I m gittin on in life, I find It s a sight harder to make up my mind, Nor I don t often try tu, when events Will du it for me free of all expense. The moral question s ollus plain enough, It s jes the human-natur side thet s tough ; Wut s best to think may n t puzzle me nor you, The pinch comes in decidin wut to du ; Ef you read History, all runs smooth ez grease, Coz there the men ain t nothin more n idees, But come to make it, ez we must to-day, Th idees hev arms an legs an stop the way : It s easy fixin things in facts an figgers, They can t resist, nor warn t brought up with niggers ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 245 But come to try your the ry on, why, then Your facts an figgers change to ign ant men Actin ez ugly " " Smite em hip an thigh ! " Sez gran ther, " and let every man-child die ! Oh for three weeks o Crommle an the Lord ! Up, Isr el, to your tents an grind the sword ! " " Thet kind o thing worked wal in ole Judee, But you forgit how long it s ben A. D. ; You think thet s ellerkence, I call it shoddy, A thing," sez I, wun t cover soul nor body ; I like the plain all-wool o common-sense, Thet warms ye now, an will a twelvemonth hence. You took to follerin where the Prophets beck oned, An , fust you knowed on, back come Charles the Second ; Now wut I want s to hev all we gain stick, An not to start Millennium too quick ; We hain t to punish only, but to keep, An the cure s gut to go a cent ry deep." " Wal, milk-an water ain t the best o glue," Sez he, " an so you 11 find before you re thru ; Ef reshness venters sunthin , shilly-shally Loses ez often wut s ten times the vally. Thet exe of ourn, when Charles s neck gut split, Opened a gap thet ain t bridged over yit : Slav ry s your Charles, the Lord hez gin the exe " " Our Charles," sez I, " hez gut eight million necks. 246 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. The hardest question ain t the black man s right, The trouble is to mancipate the white ; One s chained in body an can be sot free, But t other s chained in soul to an idee : It s a long job, but we shall worry thru it ; Ef bag nets fail, the spellin -book must du it." " Hosee," sez he, " I think you re goin to fail : The rettlesnake ain t dangerous in the tail ; This ere rebellion s nothin but the rettle, You 11 stomp on thet an think you ve won the bettle ; It s Slavery thet s the fangs an thinkin head, An ef you want selvation, cresh it dead, An cresh it suddin, or you 11 larn by waitin Thet Chance wun t stop to listen to debatin ! " " God s truth ! " sez I, " an ef / held the club, An knowed jes where to strike, but there s the rub ! " - " Strike soon," sez he, " or you 11 be deadly ailin , Folks thet s afeared to fail are sure o failin ; God hates your sneakin creturs thet believe He 11 settle things they run away an leave ! " He brought his foot down fercely, ez he spoke, An give me sech a startle thet I woke. No. VII. LATEST VIEWS OF MR. BIGLOW. PRELIMINARY NOTE. [!T is with feelings of the liveliest pain that we inform our readers of the death of the Reverend Homer Wilbur, A. M., which took place suddenly, by an apoplectic stroke, on the afternoon of Christmas day, 1862. Our venerable friend (for so we may ven ture to call him, though we never enjoyed the high privilege of his personal acquaint ance) was in his eighty-fourth year, having been born June 12, 1779, at Pigsgusset Precinct (now West Jerusha) in the then District of Maine. Graduated with distinc tion at Hubville College in 1805, he pursued his theological studies with the late Rev erend Preserved Thacker, D. D., and was called to the charge of the First Society in Jaalam in 1809, where he remained till his death. " As an antiquary he has probably left no 248 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. superior, if, indeed, an equal," writes his friend and colleague, the Reverend Jeduthun Hitchcock,, to whom we are indebted for the above facts ; " in proof of which I need only allude to his History of Jaalam, Gene alogical, Topographical, and Ecclesiastical, 1849, which has won him an eminent and enduring place in our more solid and useful literature. It is only to be regretted that his intense application to historical studies should have so entirely withdrawn him from the pursuit of poetical composition, for which he was endowed by Nature with a re markable aptitude. His well-known hymn, beginning, With clouds of care encompassed round, has been attributed in some collec tions to the late President D wight, and it is hardly presumptuous to affirm that the simile of the rainbow in the eighth stanza would do no discredit to that polished pen." We regret that we have not room at pres ent for the whole of Mr. Hitchcock s exceed ingly valuable communication. We hope to lay more liberal extracts from it before our readers at an early day. A summary of its contents will give some notion of its im portance and interest. It contains : 1st, A biographical sketch of Mr. Wilbur, with THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 249 notices of his predecessors in the pastoral office, and of eminent clerical contempora ries ; 2d, An obituary of deceased, from the Punkin-Falls "Weekly Parallel;" 3d, A list of his printed and manuscript produc tions and of projected works ; 4th, Personal anecdotes and recollections, with specimens of table-talk ; 5th, A tribute to his relict, Mrs. Dorcas (Pileox) Wilbur; 6th, A list of graduates fitted for different colleges by Mr. Wilbur, with biographical memoranda touching the more distinguished ; 7th, Con cerning learned, charitable, and other socie ties, of which Mr. Wilbur was a member, and of those with which, had his life been prolonged, he would doubtless have been as sociated, with a complete catalogue of such Americans as have been Fellows of the Royal Society; 8th, A brief summary of Mr. Wilbur s latest conclusions concerning the Tenth Horn of the Beast in its special application to recent events, for which the public, as Mr. Hitchcock assures us, have been waiting with feelings of lively anticipa tion ; 10th, Mr. Hitchcock s own views on the same topic ; and, llth, A brief essay on the importance of local histories. It will be apparent that the duty of preparing Mr. 250 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Wilbur s biography could not have fallen into more sympathetic hands. In a private letter with which the reverend gentleman has since favored us, he expresses the opinion that Mr. Wilbur s life was short ened by our unhappy civil war. It disturbed his studies, dislocated all his habitual associ ations and trains of thought, and unsettled the foundations of a faith, rather the result of habit than conviction, in the capacity of man for self-government. " Such has been the felicity of my life," he said to Mr. Hitchcock, on the very morning of the day he died, " that, through the divine mercy, I could always say Summum nee metuo diem, nee opto. It has been my habit, as you know, on every recurrence of this blessed anniversary, to read Milton s Hymn of the Nativity till its sublime harmonies so dilated my soul and quickened its spiritual sense that I seemed to hear that other song which gave assurance to the shepherds that there was One who would lead them also in green pastures and beside the still waters. But to day I have been unable to think of anything but that mournful text, I came not to send peace, but a sword, and, did it not smack of pagan presumptuousness, could almost wish I had never lived to see this day." THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 251 Mr. Hitchcock also informs us that his friend " lies buried in the Jaalam graveyard, under a large red-cedar which he specially admired. A neat and substantial monument is to be erected over his remains, with a Latin epitaph written by himself ; for he was accustomed to say, pleasantly, that there was at least one occasion in a scholar s life when he might show the advantages of a classical training. " The following fragment of a letter ad dressed to us, and apparently intended to accompany Mr. Biglow s contribution to the present number, was found upon his table after his decease. EDITORS ATLANTIC MONTHLY.] TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. JAALAM, 24th Dec., 1862. RESPECTED SIRS, The infirm state of my bodily health would be a sufficient apol ogy for not taking up the pen at this time, wholesome as I deem it for the mind to apri- cate in the shelter of epistolary confidence, were it not that a considerable, I might even say a large, number of individuals in this parish expect from their pastor some pub- 252 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. lie expression of sentiment at this crisis. Moreover, Qui tacitus ardet mag is uritur. In trying times like these, the besetting sin of undisciplined minds is to seek refuge from inexplicable realities in the dangerous stimulant of angry partisanship or the indo lent narcotic of vague and hopeful vatici nation : fortunamque suo temperat arbitrio. Both by reason of my age and my natural temperament, I am unfitted for either. Un able to penetrate the inscrutable judgments of God, I am more than even thankful that my life has been prolonged till I could in some small measure comprehend His mercy. As there is no man who does not at some time render himself amenable to the one, quum vix Justus sit securus, so there is none that does not feel himself in daily need of the other. I confess, I cannot feel, as some do, a per sonal consolation for the manifest evils of this war in any remote or contingent advan tages that may spring from it. I am old and weak, I can bear little, and can scarce hope to see better days ; nor is it any ade quate compensation to know that Nature is old and strong and can bear much. Old men philosophize over the past, but the pre- THE BJGLOW PAPERS. 253 sent is only a burthen and a weariness. The one lies before them like a placid evening landscape ; the other is full of the vexations and anxieties of housekeeping. It may be true enough that miscet hcec illis, prohibet- que Cloiho fortunam stare, but he who said it was fain at last to call in Atropos with her shears before her time ; and I cannot help selfishly mourning that the fortune of our Republic could not at least stand till my days were numbered. Tibullus would find the origin of wars in the great exaggeration of riches, and does not stick to say that in the days of the beechen trencher there was peace. But averse as I am by nature from all wars, the more as they have been especially fatal to libraries, I would have this one go on till we are reduced to wooden platters again, rather than surrender the principle to defend which it was undertaken. Though I believe Slav ery to have been the cause of it, by so thor oughly demoralizing Northern politics for its own purposes as to give opportunity and hope to treason, yet I would not have our thought and purpose diverted from their true object, the maintenance of the idea of Government. We are not merely sup- 254 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. pressing an enormous riot, but contending for the possibility of permanent order co existing with democratical fickleness ; and while 1 would not superstitiously venerate form to the sacrifice of substance, neither would I forget that an adherence to prece dent and prescription can alone give that continuity and coherence under a democrat ical constitution which are inherent in the person of a despotic monarch and the sel fishness of an aristocratical class. Stet pro ratione voluntas is as dangerous in a major ity as in a tyrant. I cannot allow the present production of my young friend to go out without a protest from me against a certain extremeness in his views, more pardonable in the poet than the philosopher. While I agree with him, that the only cure for rebellion is suppression by force, yet I must animadvert upon certain phrases where I seem to see a coincidence with a popular fallacy on the subject of com promise. On the one hand there are those who do not see that the vital principle of Government and the seminal principle of Law cannot properly be made a subject of compromise at all, and on the other those who are equally blind to the truth that with- THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 255 out a compromise of individual opinions, in terests, and even rights, no society would be possible. In medio tutissimus. For my own part, I would gladly EF I a song or two could make, Like rockets druv by their own burnin , All leap an light, to leave a wake Men s hearts an faces skyward turnin ! But, it strikes me, t ain t jest the time Fer stringin words with settisfaction : Wut s wanted now s the silent rhyme Twixt upright Will an downright Action. Words, ef you keep em, pay their keep, But gabble s the short cut to ruin ; It s gratis, (gals half-price,) but cheap At no rate, ef it benders doin ; Ther s nothin wuss, less t is to set A martyr-prem um upon jawrin : Teapots git dangerous, ef you shet Their lids down on em with Fort Warren. Bout long enough it s ben discussed Who sot the magazine afire, An whether, ef Bob Wickliffe bust, T would scare us more or blow us higher. 256 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. D ye s pose the Gret Foreseer s plan Wuz settled fer him in town-meetin ? Or thet ther d ben no Fall o Man, Ef Adam d on y bit a sweetin ? Oh, Jon than, ef you want to be A rugged chap agin an hearty, Go fer wutever 11 hurt Jeff D., Nut wut 11 boost up ary party. Here s hell broke loose, an we lay flat With half the univarse a-singein , Till Sen tor This an Gov nor Thet Stop squabblin fer the garding-ingin. It s war we re in, not politics ; It s systems wrastlin now, not parties ; An victory in the eend 11 fix Where longest will an truest heart is. An wut s the Guv ment folks about ? Tryin to hope ther s nothin doin , An look ez though they did n t doubt Sunthin pertickler wuz a-brewin . Ther s critters yit thet talk an act Fer wut they call Conciliation ; They d hand a buff lo-drove a tract When they wuz madder than all Bashan. Conciliate ? it jest means be kicked, No metter how they phrase an tone it ; It means thet we re to set down licked, Thet we re poor shotes an glad to own it ! THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 257 A war on tick s ez dear z the deuce, But it wun t leave no lastin traces, Ez t would to make a sneakin truce Without no moral specie-basis : Ef greenbacks ain t nut jest the cheese, I guess ther s evils thet s extremer, Fer instance, shinplaster idees Like them put out by Gov nor Seymour. Last year, the Nation, at a word, When tremblin Freedom cried to shield her, Flamed weldin into one keen sword Waitin an longin fer a wielder : A splendid flash ! but how d the grasp With sech a chance ez thet wuz tally ? Ther warn t no meanin in our clasp, Half this, half thet, all shilly-shally. More men ? More Man ! It s there we fail ; Weak plans grow weaker yit by lengthenin : Wut use in addin to the tail, When it s the head s in need o strengthenin ? We wanted one thet felt all Chief From roots o hair to sole o stockin , Square-sot with thousan -ton belief In him an us, ef earth went rockin ! Ole Hick ry would n t ha stood see-saw Bout doin things till they wuz done with, He d smashed the tables o the Law In time o need to load his c;un with : 258 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. He could n t see but jest one side, Ef his, t wuz God s, an thet wuz plenty ; An so his " Forrards ! " multiplied An army s fightin weight by twenty. But this ere histin , creak, creak, creak, Your cappen s heart up with a derrick, This tryin to coax a lightnin -streak Out of a half-discouraged hay-rick, This hangin on mont arter mont Fer one sharp purpose mongst the twitter, I tell ye, it doos kind o stunt The peth and sperit of a critter. In six months where 11 the People be, Ef leaders look on revolution Ez though it wuz a cup o tea, Jest social el ments in solution ? This weighin things doos wal enough When war cools down, an comes to writm ; But while it s makin , the true stuff Is pison-mad, pig-headed fightin . Democ acy gives every man A right to be his own oppressor ; But a loose Gov ment ain t the plan, Helpless ez spilled beans on a dresser I tell ye one thing we might larn From them smart critters, the Seceders, Ef bein right s the fust consarn, The fore-the-fust s cast-iron leaders. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 259 But pears to me I see some signs Thet we re a-goin to use our senses : Jeff clruv us into these hard lines, An ough to bear his half th expenses ; Slavery s Secession s heart an will, South, North, East, West, where er you find it, An ef it drors into War s mill, D ye say them thunder-stones sha n t grind it ? D ye s pose, ef Jeff giv him a lick, Ole Hick ry d tried his head to sof n So s t would n t hurt thet ebony stick Thet s made our side see stars so of n ? " No ! " he d ha thundered. " On your knees, An own one flag, one road to glory ! Soft-heartedness, in times like these, Shows sof ness in the upper story ! " An why should we kick up a muss About the Pres dunt s proclamation ? It ain t a-goin to lib rate us, Ef we don t like emancipation : The right to be a cussed fool Is safe from all devices human, It s common (ez a gin l rule) To every critter born o woman. So we re all right, an I, fer one, Don t think our cause 11 lose in vally 260 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. By rammin Scriptur in our gun, An gittin Natur fer an ally : Thank God, say I, fer even a plan To lift one human bein s level, Give one more chance to make a man, Or, anyhow, to spile a devil ! Not thet I m one thet much expee Millennium by express to-morrer ; They will miscarry, I rec lec Tu many on em, to my sorrer : Men ain t made angels in a day, No matter how you mould an labor em, Nor riginal ones, I guess, don t stay With Abe so of n ez with Abraham. The ry thinks Fact a pooty thing, An wants the banns read right ensuin ; But Fact wun t noways wear the ring Thout years o settin up an wooin : Though, arter all, Time s dial-plate Marks cent ries with the minute-finger, An Good can t never come tu late, Though it doos seem to try an linger. An come wut will, I think it s grand Abe s gut his will et last bloom-furnaced In trial-flames till it 11 stand The strain o bein in deadly earnest : Thet s wut we want, we want to know The folks on our side hez the bravery THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 261 To b lieve ez hard, come weal, come woe, In Freedom ez Jeff doos in Slavery. Set the two forces foot to foot, An every man knows who 11 be winner, Whose faith in God hez ary root Thet goes down deeper than his dinner : Then t will be felt from pole to pole, Without no need o proclamation, Earth s Biggest Country s gut her soul An risen up Earth s Greatest Nation ! No. VIII. KETTELOPOTOMACHIA. PRELIMINARY NOTE. IN the month of February, 1866, the ed itors of the " Atlantic Monthly " received from the Rev. Mr. Hitchcock of Jaalam a letter enclosing the macaronic verses which follow, and promising to send more, if more should be communicated. " They were rapped out on the evening of Thursday last past," he says, " by what claimed to be the spirit of my late predecessor in the ministry here, the liev. Dr. Wilbur, through the me dium of a young man at present domiciled in my family. As to the possibility of such spiritual manifestations, or whether they be properly so entitled, I express no opinion, as there is a division of sentiment on that sub ject in the parish, and many persons of the highest respectability in social standing en tertain opposing views. The young man who was improved as a medium submitted himself to the experiment with manifest reluctance, THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 263 and is still unprepared to believe in the au thenticity of the manifestations. During his residence with me his deportment has always been exemplary ; he has been constant in his attendance upon our family devotions and the public ministrations of the Word, and has more than once privately stated to me that the latter had often brought him under deep concern of mind. The table is an or dinary quadrupedal one, weighing about thirty pounds, three feet seven inches and an half in height, four feet square on the top, and of beech or maple, I am not definitely prepared to say which. It had once belonged to my respected predecessor, and had been, so far as I can learn upon careful inquiry, of perfectly regular and correct habits up to the evening in question. On that occasion the young man previously alluded to had been sitting with his hands resting carelessly upon it, while I read over to him at his re quest certain portions of my last Sabbath s discourse. On a sudden the rappings, as they are called, commenced to render them selves audible, at first faintly, but in process of time more distinctly and with violent agi tation of the table. The young man ex pressed himself both surprised and pained 264 THE El GLOW PAPERS. by the wholly unexpected, and so far as he was concerned unprecedented occurrence. At the earnest solicitation, however, of several who happened to be present, he consented to go on with the experiment, and with the assistance of the alphabet commonly em ployed in similar emergencies, the following communication was obtained and written down immediately by myself. Whether any, and if so, how much weight should be attached to it, I venture no decision. That Dr. Wilbur had sometimes employed his leisure in Latin versification I have ascer tained to be the case, though all that has been discovered of that nature among his pa pers consists of some fragmentary passages of a version into hexameters of portions of the Song of Solomon. These I had communi cated about a week or ten days previous [ly] to the young gentleman who officiated as medium in the communication afterwards received. I have thus, I believe, stated all the material facts that have any elucidative bearing upon this mysterious occurrence." So far Mr. Hitchcock, who seems perfectly master of Webster s unabridged quarto, and whose flowing style leads him into certain further expatiations for which we have not THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 265 room. We have since learned that the young man he speaks of was a sophomore, put under his care during a sentence of rus tication from College, where he had distinguished himself rather by physical ex periments on the comparative power of resis tance in window-glass to various solid sub stances than in the more regular studies of the place. In answer to a letter of inquiry, the professor of Latin says, " There was no harm in the boy that I know of beyond his loving mischief more than Latin, nor can I think of any spirits likely to possess him ex cept those commonly called animal. He was certainly not remarkable for his Latinity, but I see nothing in verses you enclose that would lead me to think them beyond his ca pacity, or the result of any special inspira tion whether of beech or maple. Had that of birch been tried upon him earlier and more faithfully, the verses would perhaps have been better in quality and certainly in quantity." This exact and thorough scholar then goes on to point out many false quanti ties and barbarisms. It is but fair to say, however, that the author, whoever he was, seems not to have been unaware of some of them himself, as is shown by a great many 266 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. notes appended to the verses as we received them, and purporting to be by Scaliger, Bentley and others, among them the Es prit de Voltaire! These we have omitted as clearly meant to be humorous and alto gether failing therein. Though entirely satisfied that the verses are altogether unworthy of Mr. Wilbur, who seems to have been a tolerable Latin scholar after the fashion of his day, yet we have determined to print them here partly as belonging to the res gestce of this collec tion, and partly as a warning to their puta tive author which may keep him from such indecorous pranks for the future. KETTELOPOTOMACHIA. P. Ovidii Nasonis carmen heroicum macaronicum perplex- ametrum, inter Getas getico more compostum, denuo per me dium ardentispiritualem, adjuvante mensa diabolice obsessa, recuperatum, curaque Jo. Conradi Schwarzii umbras, aliis necnon plurimis adjuvantibus, restitutum. LIBEK I. PtnsrCTOKUM garretos colens et cellara Quinque, Gutteribus quse et gaudes sundayam abstingere frontem, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 267 Plerumque insidos solita fluitare liquore Tanglepedem quern homines appellant Di quoque rotgut, Pimpliidis, rubicundaque, Musa, O, bourbono- lensque, s Fenianas rixas procul, alma, brogipotentis Patricii cyathos iterantis et horrida bella, Backos dum virides viridis brigitta remittit, Linquens, eximios celebrem, da, Virginiensea Rowdes, prsecipue et TE, heros alte, Polarde ! 10 Insignes juvenesque, illo certamine h ctos, Colemane, Tylere, nee vos oblivione relinquam. Ainpla aquilae invictae fausto est sub tegmine terra, Backyfer, ooiskeo pollens, ebenoque bipede, Socors prsesidum et altrix (denique quidrumi- naatium), is Duplefveorum uberrima ; illis et integre cordi est Deplere assidue et sine proprio incommodo fis- cum ; Nunc etiam placidum hoc opus invictique secuti, Goosam aureos ni eggos voluissent immo necare Quae peperit, saltern ac de illis meliora meren- tem. 20 Condidit hanc Smithius Dux, Captinus inclytus ille Regis Ulyssae instar, docti arcum intendere Ion- gum ; Condidit ille Johnsmith, Virginiamque vocavit, 268 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Settledit autem Jacobus rex, nomine primus, Rascalis implens ruptis, blagardisque deboshtis, 25 Militibusque ex Falstaffi legione fugatis Wenchisque illi quas poterant seducere nuptas ; Virgineum, ah, littus matronis talibus impar ! Progeniem stirpe ex hoc non sine stigmate ducunt Multi sese qui jactant regum esse nepotes : so Haud omnes, Mater, genitos quae nuper habebas Bello fortes, consilio cautos, virtute decoros, Jamque et habes, sparso si patrio in sanguine vir tus, Mostrabisque iterum, antiquis sub astris reducta ! De illis qui upkikitant, dicebam, rumpora tanta, ss Letcheris et Floydis magnisque Extra ordine Bil- lis ; Est his prisca fides jurare et breakere wordum ; Poppere fellerum a tergo, aut stickere clam bowi- knifo, Haud sane facinus, dignum sed victrice lauro ; Larrupere et nigerum, factum praestantius ullo : 40 Ast chlamydem piciplumatam, Icariam, flito et ineptam, Yanko gratis induere, ilium et valido railo Insuper acri equitare docere est hospitio uti. Nescio an ille Polardus duplefveoribus ortus, Sed reputo potius de radice poorwitemanorum ; Fortuiti proles, ni fallor, Tylerus erat Praesidis, omnibus ab Whiggis nominatus a poor cuss ; Et nobilem tertium evincit venerabile nomen. THE BIGLO W PAPERS. 269 Ast animosi omnes bellique acl tympana ha ! ha ! Vociferant laeti, procul et si prcelia, sive Hostem incautum atsito possunt shootere salvi ; Imperiique capaces, esset si stylus agmen, Pro dulci spoliabant et sine dangere fito. Free ceterisque Polardus : si Secessia licta, Se nunquam licturum jurat, res et unheardof, Verbo haesit, similisque audaci roosteri invicto, Dunghilli solitus rex pullos whoppere molles, Grantum, hirelingos stripes quique et splendida tollunt Sidera, et Yankos, territum et omnem sarsuit or- bem. Usque dabant operam isti omnes, noctesque, diesque, o Samuelem demulgere avunculum, id vero siccum ; Uberibus sed ejus, et horum est culpa, remotis, Parvam domi vaccam, nee mora minima, quae- runt, Lacticarentem autem et droppam vix in die dan- tem ; Reddite avunculi, et exclamabant, reddite pap- pam ! 6,5 Polko ut consule, gemens, Billy immurmurat Ex tra ; Echo respondit, thesauro ex vacuo, pappam ! Frustra explorant pocketa, ruber nare repertum ; Officia expulsi aspiciunt rapta, et Paradisum Occlusum, viriclesqtie haud illis nascere backos ; ro Stupent tune oculis madidis spittantque silenter. 270 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Adhibere usu ast longo vires prorsus inepti, Si non ut qui grindeat axve traberave revolvat, Virginiam excruciant totis nunc mightibu ma- trem ; Non melius, puta, nono panis dimidiumne est ? 75 Readere ibi non posse est casus commoner ullo ; Tanto intentius imprimere est opus ergo statuta ; Nemo propterea pejor, melior, sine doubto, Obtineat qui contractum, si et postea rhino ; Ergo Polardus, si quis, inexsuperabilis heros, so Colemanus impavidus nondum, atque in purpure natus Tylerus lohanides celerisque in flito Nathaniel, Quisque optans digitos in tantum stickere pium, Adstant accincti imprimere aut perrumpere leges : Quales os miserum rabidi tres segre molossi, ss Quales aut dubium textum atra in veste ministri, Tales circumstabant nunc nostri inopes hoc job. Hisque Polardus voce canoro talia fatus : Primum autem, veluti est mos, prseceps quisque liquorat, Quisque et Nicotianum ingens quid inserit atrum, Heroum nitidum decus et solamen avitum, 9i Masticat ac simul altisonans, spittatque profuse : Quis de Virginia meruit praestantius unquam ? Quis se pro patria curavit impigre tutum ? Speechisque articulisque hominum quis fortior ullus, 95 Ingeminans pennae lickos et vulnera vocis ? Quisnam putidius (hie) sarsuit Yankinimicos, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 271 Ssepius aut dedit ultro datam et broke his paro- lam? Mente inquassatus solidaque, tyranno minante, Horrisonis (hie) bomhis mcenia et alta qua- tente, 100 Sese promptum (hie) jactans Yankos lickere cen tum, Atque ad lastum invictus non surrendidit un- quam ? Ergo haud meddlite, posco, mique relinquite (hie) hoc job, Si non knifumque enormem mostrat spittatque tremendus. Dixerat : ast alii reliquorant et sine pauso i< Pluggos incumbunt maxillis, uterque vicissim Certamine innocuo valde madidam inquinat as- sem : Tylerus autem, dumque liquorat aridus hostis, Mirum aspicit duplumque bibentem, astante Lyseo ; Ardens impavidusque edidit tamen impia ver- ba ; no Duplum quamvis te aspicio, esses atque viginti, Mendacem dicerem totumque (hie) thrasherem acervum ; Nempe et thrasham, doggonatus (hie) aim nisi faxem ; Lambastabo omnes catawompositer-(hie)-que cha- wam ! Dixit et impulsus Ryeo ruitur bene titus, us 272 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Uli nam gravidum caput et laterem habet in hatto. Hunc inhiat titubansque Polardus, optat et il ium Stickere inermem, protegit autem rite Lyaeus, Et pronos geminos, oculis dubitantibus, heros Cernit et irritus hostes, dumque excogitat utrum Primum inpitchere, corruit, inter utrosque re- cumbit, 121 Magno asino similis nimio sub pondere quassus : Colemanus hos moestus, triste ruminansque sola- men, Inspicit hiccans, circumspittat terque cubantes ; Funereisque his ritibus humidis inde solutis, 125 Sternitur, invalidusque illis superincidit infans ; Hos sepelit somnus et snorunt cornisonantes, Watchmanus inscios ast calybooso deinde reponit. No. IX. [THE Editors of the " Atlantic " have received so many letters of inquiry concerning the literary re mains of the late Mr. Wilbur, mentioned by his col league and successor, Rev. Jeduthun Hitchcock, in a communication from which we made some extracts in our number for February, 1863, and have been so repeatedly urged to print some part of them for the gratification of the public, that they felt it their duty at least to make some effort to satisfy so urgent a de mand. They have accordingly carefully examined the papers intrusted to them, but find most of the productions of Mr. Wilbur s pen so fragmentary, and even chaotic, written as they are on the backs of let ters in an exceedingly cramped chirography, here a memorandum for a sermon ; there an observation of the weather ; now the measurement of an extraor dinary head of cabbage, and then of the cerebral capacity of some reverend brother deceased ; a calm inquiry into the state of modern literature, ending in a method of detecting if milk be impoverished with water, and the amount thereof ; one leaf beginning with a genealogy, to be interrupted half-way down with an entry that the brindle cow had calved, that any attempts at selection seemed desperate. His only complete work, An Enquiry concerning the Tenth Horn of the Beast," even in the abstract of it given by Mr. Hitchcock, would, by a rough computa tion of the printers, fill five entire numbers of our 274 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. journal, and as he attempts, by a new application of decimal fractions, to identify it with the Emperor Julian, seems hardly of immediate concern to the general reader. Even the Table-Talk, though doubt less originally highly interesting in the domestic cir cle, is so largely made up of theological discussion and matters of local or preterite interest, that we have found it hard to extract anything that would at all satisfy expectation. But, in order to silence further inquiry, we subjoin a few passages as illus trations of its general character.] I think I could go near to be a perfect Christian if I were always a visitor, as I have sometimes been, at the house of some hospitable friend. I can show a great deal of self-denial where the best of everything is urged upon me with kindly importunity. It is not so very hard to turn the other cheek for a kiss. And when I meditate upon the pains taken for our entertainment in this life, on the endless variety of seasons, of human character and fortune, on the cost liness of the hangings and furniture of our dwelling here, I sometimes feel a singular joy in looking upon myself as God s guest, and cannot but believe that we should all be wiser and happier, because more grateful, if we were always mindful of our privilege in this regard. And should we not rate more cheaply THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 275 any honor that men could pay us, if we re membered that every day we sat at the table of the Great King ? Yet must we not forget that we are in strictest bonds His servants also ; for there is no impiety so abject as that which expects to be dead-headed {ut ita dicani) through life, and which, calling itself trust in Providence, is in reality ask ing Providence to trust us and taking up all our goods on false pretences. It is a wise rule to take the world as we find it, not al ways to leave it so. It has often set me thinking when I find that I can always pick up plenty of empty nuts under my shagbark-tree. The squirrels know them by their lightness, and I have sel dom seen one with the marks of their teeth in it. What a school-house is the world, if our wits would only not play truant I For I observe that men set most store by forms and symbols in proportion as they are mere shells. It is the outside they want and not the kernel. What stores of such do not many, who in material things are as shrewd as the squirrels, lay up for the spiritual win ter-supply of themselves and their children ! I have seen churches that seemed to me garners of these withered nuts, for it is won- 276 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. derful how prosaic is the apprehension of symbols by the minds of most men. It is not one sect nor another, but all, who, like the dog of the fable, have let drop the spir itual substance of symbols for their material shadow. If one attribute miraculous virtues to mere holy water, that beautiful emblem of inward purification at the door of God s house, another cannot comprehend the sig nificance of baptism without being ducked over head and ears in the liquid vehicle thereof. [Perhaps a word of historical comment may be permitted here. My late revered predecessor was, I would humbly affirm, as free from prejudice as falls to the lot of the most highly favored individuals of our species. To be sure, I have heard him say that "what were called strong prejudices were in fact only the repulsion of sensitive organizations from that moral and even physical effluvium by which some natures by providential appointment, like certain unsavory quadrupeds, gave warning of their neighborhood. Better ten mistaken suspi cions of this kind than one close encounter." This he said somewhat in heat, on being questioned as to his motives for always re- THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 277 fusing his pulpit to those itinerant profes sors of vicarious benevolence who end their discourses by taking up a collection. But at another time I remember his saying " that there was one large thing which small minds always found room for, and that was great prejudices." This, however, by the way. The statement which I purposed to make was simply this. Down to A. D. 1830, Jaalam had consisted of a single parish, with one house set apart for religious ser vices. In that year the foundations of a Baptist Society were laid by the labors of Elder Joash Q. Balcom, 2d. As the mem bers of the new body were drawn from the First Parish, Mr. Wilbur was for a time considerably exercised in mind. He even went so far as on one occasion to follow the reprehensible practice of the earlier Puritan divines in choosing a punning text, and preached from Hebrews xiii. 9 : "Be not carried about with divers and strange doc trines." He afterwards, in accordance with one of his own maxims, " to get a dead injury out of the mind as soon as is decent, bury it, and then ventilate," in accordance with this maxim, I say, he lived on very friendly terms with Rev. Shear jashub Scrim- 278 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. gour, present pastor of the Baptist Society in Jaalam. Yet I think it was never un- pleasing to him that the church edifice of that society (though otherwise a creditable specimen of architecture) remained without a bell, as indeed it does to this day. So much seemed necessary to do away with any appearance of acerbity toward a respect able community of professing Christians, which might be suspected in the conclusion of the above paragraph. J. H.] In lighter moods he was not averse from an innocent play upon words. Looking up from his newspaper one morning as I en tered his study he said, " When I read a de bate in Congress, I feel as if I were sitting at the feet of Zeno in the shadow of the Portico." On my expressing a natural sur prise, he added, smiling, " Why, at such times the only view which honorable mem bers give me of what goes on in the world is through their intercalumniations." I smiled at this after a moment s reflection, and he added gravely, " The most punctil ious refinement of manners is the only salt that will keep a democracy from stinking ; and what are we to expect from the people, if their representatives set them such les- THE El GLOW PAPERS. 279 sons ? Mr. Everett s whole life has been a sermon from this text. There was, at least, this advantage in duelling, that it set a cer tain limit on the tongue." In this connec tion, I may be permitted to recall a playful remark of his upon another occasion. The painful divisions in the First Parish, A. D. 1844, occasioned by the wild notions in re spect to the rights of (what Mr. Wilbur, so far as concerned the reasoning faculty, al ways called) the unfairer part of creation, put forth by Miss Parthenia Almira Fitz, are too well known to need more than a passing allusion. It was during these heats, long since happily allayed, that Mr. Wilbur remarked that " the Church had more trou ble in dealing with one sAeresiarch than with twenty /ieresiarchs," and that the men s con- scia recti, or certainty of being right, was nothing to the women s. When I once asked his opinion of a poeti cal composition on which I had expended no little pains, he read it attentively, and then remarked, " Unless one s thought pack more neatly in verse than in prose, it is wiser to refrain. Commonplace gains nothing by be ing translated into rhyme, for it is something 280 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. which no hocus-pocus can transubstantiate with the real presence of living thought. You entitle your piece, My Mother s Grave, and expend four pages of useful paper in detailing your emotions there. But, my dear sir, watering does not improve the quality of ink, even though you should do it with tears. To publish a sorrow to Tom, Dick, and Harry is in some sort to adver tise its unreality, for I have observed in my intercourse with the afflicted that the deep est grief instinctively hides its face with its hands and is silent. If your piece were printed, I have no doubt it would be popular, for people like to fancy that they feel much better than the trouble of feeling. I would put all poets on oath whether they have striven to say everything they possibly could think of, or to leave out all they could not help saying. In your own case, my wor thy young friend, what you have written is merely a deliberate exercise, the gymnastic of sentiment. For your excellent maternal relative is still alive, and is to take tea with me this evening, D. V. Beware of simu lated feeling ; it is hypocrisy s first cousin ; it is especially dangerous to a preacher ; for he who says one day, Go to, let me seem to THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 281 be pathetic, may be nearer than he thinks to saying, Go to, let me seem to be virtuous, or earnest, or under sorrow for sin. Depend upon it, Sappho loved her verses more sin cerely than she did Phaon, and Petrarch his sonnets better than Laura, who was indeed but his poetical stalking-horse. After you shall have once heard that muffled rattle of the clods on the coffin-lid of an irreparable loss, you will grow acquainted with a pathos that will make all elegies hateful. When I was of your age, I also for a time mistook my desire to write verses for an authentic call of my nature in that direction. But one day as I was going forth for a walk, with my head full of an Elegy on the death of Flirtilla, and vainly groping after a rhyme for lily that should not be silly or chilly, I saw my eldest boy Homer busy over the rain water hogshead, in that childish experiment at parthenogenesis, the changing a horsehair into a water-snake. An immersion of six weeks showed no change in the obstinate fil ament. Here was a stroke of unintended sarcasm. Had I not been doing in my study precisely what my boy was doing out of doors ? Had my thoughts any more chance of coming to life by being submerged in 282 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. rhyme than his hair by soaking in water ? I burned my elegy and took a course of Ed wards on the Will. People do not make poetry ; it is made out of them by a process for which I do not find myself fitted. Never theless, the writing of verses is a good rhetor ical exercitation^ as teaching us what to shun most carefully in prose. For prose bewitched is like window-glass with bubbles in it, dis torting what it should show with pellucid veracity." It is unwise to insist on doctrinal points as vital to religion. The Bread of Life is wholesome and sufficing in itself, but gulped down with these kickshaws cooked up by theologians, it is apt to produce an indiges tion, nay, even at last an incurable dyspepsia of skepticism. One of the most inexcusable weaknesses of Americans is in signing their names to what are called credentials. But for my in terposition, a person who shall be nameless would have taken from this town a recom mendation for an office of trust subscribed by the selectmen and all the voters of both parties, ascribing to him as many good qual- THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 283 ities as if it had been his tombstone. The excuse was that it would be well for the town to be rid of him, as it would erelong be obliged to maintain him. I would not refuse my name to modest merit, but I would be as cautious as in signing a bond. [I trust I shall be subjected to no imputation of un becoming vanity, if I mention the fact that Mr. W. indorsed my own qualifications as teacher of the high-school at Pequash Junc tion. J. H.J When I see a certificate of character with everybody s name to it, I re gard it as a letter of introduction from the Devil. Never give a man your name unless you are willing to trust him with your repu tation. There seem nowadays to be two sources of literary inspiration, fulness of mind and emptiness of pocket. I am often struck, especially in reading Montaigne, with the obviousness and famil iarity of a great writer s thoughts, and the freshness they gain because said by him. The truth is, we mix their greatness with all they say and give it our best attention. Jo hannes Faber sic cogitavit, would be no en- THE BIG LOW PAPERS. ticing preface to a book, but an accredited name gives credit like the signature of a note of hand. It is the advantage of fame that it is always privileged to take the world by the button, and a thing is weightier for Shakespeare s uttering it by the whole amount of his personality. It is singular how impatient men are with overpraise of others, how patient with over praise of themselves ; and yet the one does them no injury, while the other may be their ruin. People are apt to confound mere alertness of mind with attention. The one is but the flying abroad of all the faculties to the open doors and windows at every passing rumor ; the other is the concentration of every one of them in a single focus, as in the alchemist over his alembic at the moment of expected projection. Attention is the stuff that mem ory is made of, and memory is accumulated genius. Do not look for the Millennium as immi nent. One generation is apt to get all the wear it can out of the cast clothes of the THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 285 last, and is always sure to use up every pal ing of the old fence that will hold a nail in building the new. You suspect a kind of vanity in my gene alogical enthusiasm. Perhaps you are right ; but it is a universal foible. Where it does not show itself in a personal and private way, it becomes public and gregarious. We flatter ourselves in the Pilgrim Fathers, and the Virginian offshoot of a transported convict swells with the fancy of a cavalier ancestry. Pride of birth, I have noticed, takes two forms. One complacently traces himself up to a coronet ; another, defiantly, to a lapstone. The sentiment is precisely the same in both cases, only that one is the positive and the other the negative pole of it. Seeing a goat the other day kneeling in order to graze with less trouble, it seemed to me a type of the common notion of prayer. Most people are ready enough to go down on their knees for material blessings, but how few for those spiritual gifts which alone are an answer to our orisons, if we but knew it ! 286 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. Some people, nowadays, seem to have hit upon a new moralization of the moth and the candle. They would lock up the light of Truth, lest poor Psyche should put it out in her effort to draw nigh to it. No. X. MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE EDITOR OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. DEAR SIR, Your letter come to han , Requestin me to please be funny ; But I ain t made upon a plan Thet knows wut s comin , gall or honey : Ther s times the world doos look so queer, Odd fancies come afore I call em ; An then agin, for half a year, No preacher thout a call s more solemn. You re n want o sunthin light an cute, Rattlin an slirewd an kin o jingleish, An wish, pervidin it ould suit, I d take an citify my English. I ken write long-tailed, ef I please, But when I m jokin , no, I thankee ; Then, fore I know it, my idees Run helter-skelter into Yankee. Sence I begun to scribble rhyme, I tell ye wut, I hain t ben foolin ; The parson s books, life, death, an time Hev took some trouble with my schoolin ; 288 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Nor th airth don t git put out with me, Thet love her z though she wuz a woman ; Why, th ain t a bird upon the tree But half forgives my bein human. An yit I love th unhighschooled way Ol farmers hed when I wuz younger ; Their talk wuz meatier, an oulcl stay, While book-froth seems to whet your hunger ; For puttin in a downright lick Twixt Humbug s eyes, ther s few can metch it, An then it helves my thoughts ez slick Ez stret-grained hickory doos a hetchet. But when I can t, I can t, thet s all, For Natur won t put up with gullin ; Idees you hev to shove an haul Like a druv pig ain t wuth a mullein ; Live thoughts ain t sent for ; thru all rifts O sense they pour an resh ye onwards, Like rivers when south-lyin drifts Feel thet th old airth s a-wheelin sunwards. Time wuz, the rhymes come crowdin thick Ez office-seekers arter lection, An into ary place ould stick Without no bother nor objection ; But sence the war my thoughts hang back Ez though I wanted to enlist em, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 289 An subs tutes, they don t never lack, But then they 11 slope afore you ve mist em. Nothin don t seem like wut it wuz ; I can t see wut there is to hender, An yit my brains jes go buzz, buzz, Like bumblebees agin a winder ; Fore these times come, in all airth s row, Ther wuz one quiet place, my head in, Where I could hide an think, but now It s all one teeter, hopin , dreadin . Where s Peace ? I start, some clear-blown night, When gaunt stone walls grow numb an numb er, An , creakin cross the snow-crus white, Walk the col starlight into summer ; Up grows the moon, an swell by swell Thru the pale pasturs silvers dimmer Than the last smile thet strives to tell O love gone heavenward in its shimmer. I hev ben gladder o sech things Than cocks o spring or bees o clover, They filled my heart with livin springs, But now they seem to freeze em over ; Sights innercent ez babes on knee, Peaceful ez eyes o pastur d cattle, Jes coz they be so, seem to me To rile me more with thoughts o battle. 290 THE BJGLOW PAPERS. lu-doors an out by spells I try ; Ma am Natur keeps her spin-wheel goin , But leaves my natur stiff and dry Ez fiel s o clover arter mowin ; An her jes keepin on the same, Calmer n a clock, an never carin , An findin nary thing to blame, Is wus than ef she took to swearin . Snow-flakes come whisperin on the pane The charm makes blazin logs so pleasant, But I can t hark to wut they re say n , With Grant or Sherman oilers present ; The chimbleys shudder in the gale, Thet lulls, then suddin takes to flappin Like a shot hawk, but all s ez stale To me ez so much sperit-rappin . Under the yaller-pines I house, When sunshine makes em all sweet-scented, An hear among their furry boughs The baskin west-wind purr contented, While way o erhead, ez sweet an low Ez distant bells thet ring for meetin , The wedged wil geese their bugles blow, Further an further South retreatin . Or up the slippery knob I strain An see a hunderd hills like islan s Lift their blue woods in broken chain Out o the sea o snowy silence ; THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 291 The farm-smokes, sweetes sight on airth, Slow thru the winter air a-shrinkin Seem kin o sad, an roun the hearth Of empty places set me thinkin . Beaver roars hoarse with meltin snows, An rattles di mon s from his granite ; Time wuz, he snatched away my prose, An into psalms or satires ran it ; But he, nor all the rest thet once . Started my blood to country-dances, Can t set me goin more n a dunce Thet hain t no use for dreams an fancies. Rat-tat-tat-tattle thru the street I hear the drummers makin riot, An I set thinkin o the feet Thet follered once an now are quiet, White feet ez snowdrops innercent, Thet never knowed the paths o Satan, Whose comin step ther s ears thet won t, No, not lifelong, leave off awaitin . Why, hain t I held em on my knee ? Did n t I love to see em growin , Three likely lads ez wal could be, Hahnsome an bravo an not tu knowin ? I set an look into the blaze Whose natur , jes like theirn, keeps climbin , Ez long z it lives, in shinin ways, An half despise myself for rhymin . 292 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. Wut s words to them whose faith an truth On War s red techstone rang true metal, Who ventered life an love an youth For the gret prize o death in battle ? To him who, deadly hurt, agen Flashed on afore the charge s thunder, Tippin with fire the bolt of men Thet rived the Rebel line asunder ? T ain t right to hev the young go fust, All throbbin full o gifts an graces, Leavin life s paupers dry ez dust To try an make b lieve fill their places : Nothin but tells us wut we miss, Ther s gaps our lives can t never fay in, An thet world seems so fur from this Lef for us loafers to grow gray in ! My eyes cloud up for rain ; my mouth Will take to twitchin roun the corners ; I pity mothers, tu, down South, For all they sot among the scorners : I d sooner take my chance to stan At Jedgment where your meanest slave is, Than at God s bar hoi up a han Ez drippin red ez yourn, Jeff Davis ! Come, Peace ! not like a mourner bowed For honor lost an dear ones wasted, But proud, to meet a people proud, With eyes thet tell o triumph tasted ! THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 293 Come with han grippin on the hilt, An step thet proves ye Victory s daughter ! Longin for you, our sperits wilt Like shipwrecked men s on raf s for water. Come, while our country feels the lift Of a gret instinct shoutin forwards, An knows thet freedom ain t a gift Thet tarries long in han s o cowards ! Come, sech ez mothers prayed for, when They kissed their cross with lips thet quivered, An bring fair wages for brave men, A nation saved, a race delivered ! No. XI. MR. HOSEA BIGLOW S SPEECH IN MARCH MEETING. TO THE EDITOR OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. JAALAM, April 5, 1806. MY DEAR SIR, (an noticin by your kiver thet you re some dearer than wut you wuz, I enclose the deffrence) I dunno ez I know jest how to interdooce this las perduction of my mews, ez Parson Wilbur allus called em, which is goin to be the last an stay the last onless sunthin pertikler sh d interfear which I don t expec ner I wun t yield tu ef it wuz ez pressin ez a deppity Shiriff. Sence Mr. Wilbur s disease I hev n t hed no one thet could dror out my talons. He ust to kind o wine me up an set the penderlum agoin, an then somehow I seemed to go on tick as it wear tell I run down, but the noo minister ain t of the same brewin nor I can t seem to git ahold of no kine of huming nater in him but sort of slide rite off as you du on the THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 295 eedge of a mow. Minnysteeril natur is wal enough an a site better n most other kines I know on, but the other sort sech as Wel- bor heel wuz of the Lord s makin an nateral- ly more wonderfle an sweet tastin leastways to me so fur as heerd from. He used to interdooce em smooth ez ile athout sayin nothin in pertickler an I misdoubt he did n t set so much by the sec nd Ceres as wut he done by the Fust, fact, he let on onct thet his mine misgive him of a sort of fallin off in spots. He wuz as outspoken as a nor- wester he wuz, but I tole him I hoped the fall wuz from so high up thet a feller could ketch a good many times fust afore comin bunt onto the ground as I see Jethro C. Swett from the meetin house steeple up to th old perrish, an took up for dead but he s alive now an spry as wut you be. Turnin of it over I recclected how they ust to put wut they called Argymunce onto the frunts of poymns, like poorches afore housen whare you could rest ye a spell whilst you wuz concludin whether you d go in or nut espeshully ware tha wuz darters, though I most allus found it the best plen to go in fust an think afterwards an the gals likes it best hi. I dno as speechis ever hez any 296 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. argimunts to em, I never see none thet hed an I guess they never du but tha must allus be a B ginnin to everythin athout it is Etarnity so I 11 begin rite away an any body may put it afore any of his speeches ef it soots an welcome. I don t claim no pay- tent. THE ARGYMUNT. Interducshin w ich may be skipt. Begins by talkin about himself : thet s jest natur an most gin ally allus pleasin , I b leeve I ve notist, to one of the cumpany, an thet s more than wut you can say of most speshes of talkin . Nex comes the gittin the good will of the orjunce by lettin em gether from wut you kind of ex dentally let drop thet they air about East, A one, an no inistaik, skare em up an take em as they rise. Spring interdooced with a fiew appro- put flours. Speach finally begins witch no- buddy need n t feel obolygated to read as I never read em an never shell this one ag in Subjick staited ; expanded ; delayted ; ex tended. Pump lively. Subjick staited ag in so s to avide all mistaiks. Ginnle remarks ; continooed ; kerried on ; pushed furder ; kind o gin out. Subjick restaited ; dieloo- ted ; stirred up permiscoous. Pump ag in. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 297 Gits back to where he sot out. Can t seem to stay thair. Ketches into Mr. Seaward s hair. Breaks loose ag in an staits his sub- jick ; stretches it ; turns it ; folds it ; on- folds it ; folds it ag in so s t no one can t find it. Argoos with an imedginary bean thet ain t aloud to say nothin in repleye. Gives him a real good dressin an is settys- fide he s rite. Gits into Johnson s hair. No use tryin to git into his head. Gives it up. Hez to stait his subjick ag in ; does it back- ards, sideways, eendways, criss-cross, bevel- lin , noways. Gits finally red on it. Con- cloods. Concloods more. Reads some xtrax. Sees his subjick a-nosin round arter him ag in. Tries to avide it. Wun t du. Mis states it. Can t conjectur no other plawsa- ble way of staytin on it. Tries pump. No fx. Finely concloods to conclood. Yeels the flore. You kin spall an punctooate thet as you please. I allus do, it kind of puts a noo soot of close onto a word, thisere funattick spellin doos an takes em out of the prissen dress they wair in the Dixonary. Ef I squeeze the cents out of em it s the main thing, an wut they wuz made for; wut s left s jest pummis. 298 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Mistur Wilbur sez he to me onct, sez he, " Hosee," sez he, " in litterytoor the only good thing is Natur. It s amazin hard to come at," sez he, " but onet git it an you Ve gut everythin . Wut s the sweetest small on airth?" sez he. " Noomone hay," sez I, pooty bresk, for he wuz allus hankerin round in hayin . " Nawthin of the kine," sez he. " My leetle Huldy s breath," sez I ag in. " You re a good lad," sez he, his eyes sort of ripplin like, for he lost a babe onct nigh about her age, " You re a good lad ; but t ain t thet nuther," sez he. " Ef you want to know," sez he, " open your winder of a mornin et ary season, and you 11 larn thet the best of perfooms is jest fresh air, fresh air" sez he, emphysizin , " athout no mixtur. Thet s wut / call natur in writin , and it bathes my lungs and washes em sweet when ever I git a whiff on t," sez he. I offen think o thet when I set down to write, but the winders air so ept to git stuck, an break- in a pane costs sunthin . Yourn for the last time, Nut to be continooed, HOSEA BIGLOW. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 299 I DON T much s pose hows ever I should plen it, I could git boosted into th House or Sennit, Nut while the twolegged gab-machine s so plenty, Nablin one man to du the talk o twenty ; I m one o them thet finds it ruther hard To mannyfactur wisdom by the yard, An maysure off, accordin to demand, The piece-goods el kence that I keep on hand, The same ole pattern runnin thru an thru, An nothin but the customer thet s new. I sometimes think, the furder on I go, Thet it gits harder to feel sure I know, An when I ve settled my idees, I find T war n t I sheered most in makin up my mind ; T wuz this an thet an t other thing thet done it, Sunthin in th air, I could n seek nor shun it. Mos folks go off so quick now in discussion, All th ole flint locks seems altered to percussion, Whilst I in agin sometimes git a hint Thet I m percussion changin back to flint ; Wai, ef it s so, I ain t agoin to werrit, For th ole Queen s-arm hez this pertickler merit, It gives the mind a hahnsome wedth o margin To kin o make its will afore dischargin : I can t make out but jest one ginnle rule, No man need go an make himself a fool, Nor jedgment ain t like mutton, thet can t bear Cookin tu long, nor be took up tu rare. 300 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Ez I wuz say n , I haint no chance to speak So s t all the country dreads me onct a week, But I ve consid ble o thet sort o head Thet sets to home an thinks wut might be said, The sense thet grows an werrits underneath, Comin belated like your wisdom-teeth, An git so el kent, sometimes, to my gardin Thet I don vally public life a fardin . Our Parson Wilbur (blessin s on his head !) Mongst other stories of ole times he hed, Talked of a feller thet rehearsed his spreads Beforehan to his rows o kebbige-heads, (Ef t war n t Demossenes, I guess t vvuz Sisro,) Appealin fust to thet an then to this row, Accordin ez he thought thet his idees Their diff runt ev riges o brains ould please ; " An ," sez the Parson, " to hit right, you must Git used to maysurin your hearers fust ; For, take my word for t, when all s come an past, The kebbige-heads 11 cair the day et last ; Th ain t ben a meetin sence the worl begun But they made (raw or biled ones) ten to one." I ve allus foun em, I allow, sence then About ez good for talkin to ez men ; They 11 take edvice, like other folks, to keep, (To use it ould be holdin on t tu cheap,) They listen wal, don kick up when you scold em, An ef they ve tongues, hev sense enough to hold em; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 301 Though th ain t no denger we shall lose the breed, I gin lly keep a score or so for seed, An when my sappiness gits spry in spring, So s t my tongue itches to run on full swing, I fin em ready-planted in March-meetin , Warm ez a lyceum-audience in their greetin , An pleased to hear my spoutin frum the fence, Comin , ez t doos, entirely free f expense. This year I made the follerin observations Extrump ry, like most other tri ls o patience, An , no reporters bein sent express To work their abstrac s up into a mess Ez like th oridg nal ez a woodcut pictur Thet chokes the life out like a boy-constrictor, I ve writ em out, an so avide all jeal sies Twixt nonsense o my own an some one s else s. (N. B. Reporters gin lly git a hint To make dull orjunces seem live in print, An , ez I hev t report myself, I vum, I 11 put th applauses where they d ought to come .) MY FELLER KEBBIGE-HEADS, who look so green, I vow to gracious thet ef I could dreen The world of all its hearers but jest you, T would leave bout all tha is wuth talkin to, An you, my ven able ol frien s, thet show 302 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Upon your crowns a sprinkliii o March snow, Ez ef mild Time had christened every sense For wisdom s church o second innocence, Nut Age s winter, no, no sech a thing, But jest a kin o slipppin -back o spring, [Sev ril noses blowed.] We ve gathered here, ez ushle, to decide Which is the Lord s an which is Satan s side, Coz all the good or evil thet can heppen Is long o which on em you choose for Cappen. [Cries o "Tliet sso! "] Aprul s come back ; the swellin buds of oak Dim the fur hillsides with a purplish smoke ; The brooks are loose an , singing to be seen, (Like gals,) make all the hollers soft un green ; The birds are here, for all the season s late ; They take the sun s height an don never wait ; Soon z he officially declares it s spring Their light hearts lift em on a north ard wing, An th ain t an acre, fur ez you can hear, Can t by the music tell the time o year ; But thet white dove Carliny scared away, Five year ago, jes sech an Aprul day ; Peace, that we hoped ould come an build last year An coo by every housedoor, is n t here, No, nor wun t never be, for all our jaw, Till we re ez brave in pol tics ez in war ! O Lord, ef folks wuz made so s t they could see THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 303 The begnet-pint there is to an idee ! [Sensation.] Ten times the danger in em th is in steel ; They run your soul thru an you never feel, But crawl about an seem to think you re livin , Poor shells o men, nut wuth the Lord s forgivin , Till you come bunt ag in a real live feet, An go to pieces when you d ough to ect ! Thet kin o begnet s wut we re crossin now, An no man, fit to newigate a scow, Ould stan expectin help from Kingdom Come, While t other side druv their cold iron home. My frien s, you never gethered from my mouth, No, nut one word ag in the South ez South, Nor th ain t a livin man, white, brown, nor black, Gladder n wut I should be to take em back ; But all I ask of Uncle Sam is fust To write up on his door, " No goods on trust ; " [Cries of " Thet s the ticket! "] Give us cash down in ekle laws for all, An they 11 be snug inside afore nex fall. Give wut they ask, an we shell hev Jamaker, Wuth minus some consid able an acre ; Give wut they need, an we shell git fore long A nation all one piece, rich, peacefle, strong ; Make em Amerikin, an they 11 begin To love their country ez they loved their sin ; Let em stay Southun, an you ve kep a sore Ready to fester ez it done afore. 304 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. No mortle man can boast of perfic vision, But the one moleblin thing is Indecision, An th ain t no futur for the man nor state Thet out of j-u-s-t can t spell great. Some folks ould call thet recldikle ; do you ? T was commonsense afore the war wuz thru ; Thet loaded all our guns an made em speak So s t Europe beared em clearn acrost the creek ; " They re drivin o their spiles down now," sez she, " To the hard grennit o God s fust idee ; Ef they reach thet, Democ cy need n t fear The tallest airthquakes we can git up here." Some call t insultin to ask ary pledge, An say t will only set their teeth on edge, But folks you ve jest licked, fur z I ever see, Are bout ez mad z they wal know how to be ; It s better than the Rebs themselves expected Fore they see Uncle Sam wilt down henpected ; Be kind z you please, but fustly make things fast, For plain Truth s all the kindness thet 11 last ; Ef treason is a crime, ez some folks say, How could we punish it a milder way Than sayin to em, " Brethren, lookee here, We 11 jes divide things with ye, sheer an sheer, An sence both come o pooty strongbacked dad dies, You take the Darkies, ez we ve took the Pad dies ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 305 Ign ant an poor we took em by the hand, An they re the bones an sinners o the land." I ain t o them thet fancy there s a loss on Every inves ment thet don t start from Bos on ; But I know this : our money s safest trusted In sunthin , come wut will, thet can t be busted, An thet s the old Amerikin idee, To make a man a Man an let him be. [Gret applause.] Ez for their 1 yalty, don t take a goad to t, But I do want to block their only road to t By lettin em believe thet they can git Mor n wut they lost, out of our little wit : I tell ye wut, I m fraid we 11 drif to leeward Thout we can put more stiffenin into Seward ; He seems to think Columby d better ect Like a scared widder with a boy stiff-necked Thet stomps an swears he wun t come in to sup per ; She mus set up for him, ez weak ez Tapper, Keepin the Constitootion on to warm, Tell he 11 eccept her pologies in form : The neighbors tell her he s a cross-grained cuss Thet needs a hidin fore he comes to wus ; " No," sez Ma Seward, " he s ez good z the best, All he wants now is sugar-plums an rest ; " " He sarsed my Pa," sez one ; " He stoned my son," Another edds. " Oh, wal, t wuz jest his fun." " He tried to shoot our Uncle Samwell dead." 306 THE EIGLOW PAPERS. " T wuz only tryin a noo gun he hed." " Wai, all we ask s to hev it understood You 11 take his gun away from him for good ; We don t, wal, not exac ly, like his play, Seein he allus kin o shoots our way. You kill your fatted calves to no good eend, Thout his fust sayin , Mother, I hev sinned ! ["Amen! " from Deac n Greenleaf.] The Pres dunt he thinks thet the slickest plan Ould be t allow thet he s our on y man, An thet we fit thru all thet dreffle war Jes for his private glory an eclor ; " Nobody ain t a Union man," sez he, " Thout he agrees thru thick an thin, with me ; War n t Andrew Jackson s nitials jes like mine ? An ain t thet sunthin like a right divine To cut up ez kentenkerous ez I please, An treat your Congress like a nest o fleas ? " Wal, I expec the People would n care, if The question now wuz techin bank or tariff, But I conclude they ve bout made up their mind This ain t the fittest time to go it blind, Nor these ain t metters thet with pol tics swings, But goes way down amongst the roots o things ; Coz Stunner talked o whitewashin one day They wun t let four years war be throwed away. " Let the South hev her rights ? " They say, " Thet s you ! But nut greb hold of other folks s tu." THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 307 Who owns this country ? is it they or Andy ? Leastways it ough to be the People and he ; Let him be senior pardner, ef he s so, But let them kin o smuggle in ez Co ; [Laughter.] Did he diskiver it ? Consid ble numbers Think thet the job wus taken by Columbus. Did he set tu an make it wut it is ? Ef so, I guess the One-Man-power hez riz. Did he put thru the rebbles, clear the docket, An pay th expenses out of his own pocket ? Ef thet s the case, then everythin I exes Is t hev him come an pay my ennooal texes. [Profound sensation.] Was t he thet shou dered all them million guns ? Did he lose all the fathers, brothers, sons ? Is this ere pop lar gov ment thet we run A kin o sulky, made to kerry one ? An is the countiy goin to knuckle down To hev Smith sort their letters stid o Brown ? Who wuz the Nited States fore Richmon fell ? Wuz the South needfle their full name to spell ? An can t we spell it in thet short-han way Till th underpinnin s settled so s to stay ? Who cares for the Resolves of 61, Thet tried to coax an airthquake with a bun ? Hez act ly nothin taken place sence then To larn folks they must hendle fects like men ? Ain t this the true p int ? Did the Rebs accep em? Ef nut, whose fault is t thet we hev n t kep em ? 308 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. War n t there two sides ? an don t it stend to reason Thet this week s Nited States ain t las week s treason ? When all these sums is done, with nothin missed, An nut afore, this school 11 be dismissed. I knowed ez wal ez though I d seen t with eyes Thet when the war wuz over copper d rise, An thet we d hev a rile-up in our kettle T would need Leviathan s whole skin to settle ; I thought twould take about a generation Fore we could wal begin to be a nation, But I allow I never did imegine T would be our Pres dunt thet ould drive a wedge in To keep the split from closin ef it could, An healin over with new wholesome wood ; For th ain t no chance o healin while they think Thet law an guv ment s only printer s ink ; I mus confess I thank him for discoverin The curus way in which the States are sovereign ; They ain t nut quite enough so to rebel, But, when they fin it s costly to raise h , [A groan from Deac n G.] Why, then, for jes the same superl tive reason, They re most too much so to be tetched for trea son ; They can t go out, but ef they somehow du, Their sovereignty don t noways go out tu ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 309 The State goes out, the sovereignty don t stir, But stays to keep the door ajar for her. He thinks secession never took em out, An mebby he s correc , but I misdoubt ; Ef they war n t out, then why, n the name o sin, Make all this row bout lettin of em in ? In law, p r aps nut ; but there s a diffurence, ruther, Betwixt your mother- n-law an real mother, [Derisive cheers.] An I, for one, shall wish they d all been som - eres, Long z U. S. Texes are sech reg lar comers. But, oh my patience ! must we wriggle back Into th ole crooked, pettyfoggin track, When our artil ry-wheels a road hev cut Stret to our purpose ef we keep the rut ? War s jes dead waste excep to wipe the slate Clean for the cyph rin of some nobler fate. [Applause.] Ez for dependin on their oaths an thet, T wun t bind em more n the ribbin roun my het; I beared a fable once from Othniel Starns, Thet pints it slick ez weathercocks do barns : Onct on a time the wolves bed certing rights Inside the fold ; they used to sleep there nights. An , bein cousins o the dogs, they took 310 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. Their turns et watchin , reg lar ez a book ; But somehow, when the dogs hed gut asleep, Their love o mutton beat their love o sheep, Till gradilly the shepherds come to see Things war n t agoin ez they d ough to be ; So they sent off a deacon to remonstrate Along th the wolves an urge em to go on straight ; They did n seem to set much by the deacon, Nor preachin did n cow em, nut to speak on ; Fin ly they swore thet they d go out an stay, An hev their fill o mutton every day ; Then dogs an shepherds, after much hard dam- min , [Groan from Deac n G.] Turned tu an give em a tormented lammin , An sez, " Ye sha n t go out, the murrain rot ye, To keep us wastin half our time to watch ye ! " But then the question come, How live together Thout losin sleep, nor nary yew nor wether ? Now there wuz some dogs (noways wuth their keep) Thet sheered their cousins tastes an sheered the sheep ; They sez, " Be gin rous, let em swear right in, An , ef they backslide, let em swear ag in ; Jes let em put on sheep-skins whilst they re swearin ; To ask for more ould be beyond all bearin ." "Be gin rous for yourselves, where you re to pay, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 311 Thet s the best prectice," sez a shepherd gray ; " Ez for their oaths they wun t be wuth a button, Long z you don t cure em o their taste for mut ton ; Th ain t but one solid way, howe er you puzzle : Tell they re convarted, let em wear a muzzle." [Cries of " Bully for you ! "] I ve noticed thet each half-baked scheme s abet- ters Are in the hebbit o producin letters Writ by all sorts o never-heared-on fellers, Bout ez oridge nal ez the wind in bellers ; I ve noticed, tu, it s the quack med cines gits (An needs) the grettest heaps o stiffykits ; [Two apothekeries goes out.] Now, sence I lef off creepin on all fours, I hain t ast no man to endorse my course ; It s full ez cheap to be your own endorser, An ef I ve made a cup, I 11 fin the saucer ; But I ve some letters here from t other side, An them s the sort thet helps me to decide ; Tell me for wut the copper-comp nies hanker, An 1 11 tell you jest where it s safe to anchor. [Faint hiss.] Fus ly the Hon ble B. O. Sawin writes Thet for a spell he could n sleep o nights, Puzzlin which side wuz preudentest to pin to, Which wuz th ole homestead, which the temp ry leanto ; Et fust he jedged t would right-side-up his pan 312 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. To come out ez a ridge nal Union man, " But now," he sez, " I ain t nut quite so fresh ; The winnin horse is goin to be Secesh ; You might, las spring, hev eas ly walked the course, Fore we contrived to doctor th Union horse ; Now we re the ones to walk aroun the nex track : Jest you take hold an read the follerin extrac , Out of a letter I received last week From an ole frien thet never sprung a leak, A Nothun Dem crat o th ole Jarsey blue, Born coppersheathed an copperfastened tu." " These four years past it hez been tough To say which side a feller went for ; Guideposts all gone, roads muddy n rough, An nothin duin wut t wuz meant for ; Pickets a-firin left an right, Both sides a lettin rip et sight, Life war n t wuth hardly payin rent for. " Columby gut her back up so, It war n t no use a-tryin to stop her, War s emptin s riled her very dough An made it rise an act improper ; T wuz full ez much ez I could du To jes lay low an worry thru , Thout hevin to sell out my copper. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 313 " Afore the war your mod rit men Could set an sun em on the fences, Cyph rin the chances up, an then Jump off which way bes paid expenses ; Sence, t wus so resky ary way, / did n t hardly darst to say I greed with Paley s Evidences. [Groan from Deac n G.] " Ask Mac ef tryin to set the fence War n t like bein rid upon a rail on t, Headin your party with a sense O bein tipjint in the tail on t, And tryin to think thet, on the whole, You kin o quasi own your soul When Belmont s gut a bill o sale on t ? [Three cheers for Grant and Sherman.] " Come peace, I sposed thet folks ould like Their pol tics done ag in by proxy, Give their noo loves the bag an strike A fresh trade with their reg lar doxy ; But the drag s broke, now slavery s gone, An there s gret resk they 11 blunder on, Ef they ain t stopped, to real Democ cy. " We ve gut an awful row to hoe In this ere job o reconstructin ; Folks dunno skurce which way to go, Where th ain t some boghole to be ducked in ; 314 TEE BIG LOW PAPERS. But one thing s clear ; there is a crack, Ef we pry hard, twixt white an black, Where the old makehate can be tucked in. " No white man sets in airth s broad aisle Thet I ain t willin t own ez brother, An ef he s heppened to strike ile, I dunno, fin ly, but I d ruther ; An Paddies, long z they vote all right, Though they ain t jest a nat ral white, I hold one on em good ? z another. [Applause.] " Wut is there lef I d like to know, Ef t ain t the difference o color, To keep up self-respec an show The human natur of a f ullah ? Wut good in bein white, onless It s fixed by law, nut lef to guess, That we are smarter an they duller ? " Ef we re to hev our ekle rights, T wun t du to low no competition ; Th ole debt doo us for bein whites Ain t safe onless we stop th emission O these noo notes, whose specie base Is human natur , thout no trace shape, nor color, nor condition. [Continood applause.] " So fur I d writ an could n jedge Aboard wut boat I d best take pessige, THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 315 My brains all mincemeat, thout no edge Upon em more than tu a sessige, But now it seems ez though I see Sunthin resemblin an idee, Sence Johnson s speech an veto message. " I like the speech best, I confess, The logic, preudence, an good taste on t, An it s so mad, I ruther guess There s some dependence to be placed on t ; [Laughter.] It s narrer, but twixt you an me, Out o the allies o J. D. A temp ry party can be based on t. " Jes to hold on till Johnson s thru An dug his Presidential grave is, An then ! who knows but we could slew The country roun to put in ? Wun t some folks rare up when we pull Out o their eyes our Union wool An larn em wut a p lit cle shave is ! ; Oh, did it seem z ef Providunce Could ever send a second Tyler ? To see the South all back to once, Reapin the spiles o the Freesiler, Is cute ez though an ingineer Should claim th old iron for his sheer Coz t was himself that bust the biler ! " [Gret laughter.] 316 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. Thet tells the story ! Thet s wut we shall git By tryin squirtguns on the burnin Pit ; For the day never comes when it 11 du To kick off Dooty like a worn-out shoe. I seem to hear a whisperin in the air, A sighin like, of unconsoled despair, Thet comes from nowhere an from everywhere, An seems to say, " Why died we ? war n t it ? then, To settle, once for all, thet men wuz men ! Oh, airth s sweet cup snetched from us barely tasted, The grave s real chill is feelin life wuz wasted ! Oh, you we lef, long-lingerin et the door, Lovin you best, coz we loved Her the more, Thet Death, not we, had conquered, we should feel Ef she upon our memory turned her heel, An unregretful throwed us all away To flaunt it in a Blind Man s Holiday ! " My frien s I ve talked nigh on to long enough. I hain t no call to bore ye coz ye re tough ; My lungs are sound, an our own v ice delights Our ears, but even kebbige-heads hez rights. It s the las time thet I shell e er address ye, But you 11 soon fin some new tormentor : bless ye! [Tumult ous applause and cries of "Go on!" "Don t stop! "] INDEX. A. A. wants his axe ground, 191. Abraham (Lincoln), his constitu tional scruples, 190. Abuse, an, its usefulness, 229. Adam, his fall, 244 how if he had bitten a sweet apple ? 256. Adam, grandfather, forged will of, 153. Allsmash, the eternal, 204. Americans bebrothered, 137. Antiquaries, Royal Society of Northern, 213. Antony of Padua, Saint, happy in his hearers, 165. Applause, popular, the summum bonum, 220. Ar c houskezik, an evil spirit, 165. Ardennes, Wild Boar of, an an cestor of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 101. Aristocracy, British, their natu ral sympathies, 1S3. Atropos, a lady skilful with the scissors, 2.53. Austin, Saint, prayer of, 100. Austrian eagle split, 230. B. B., a Congressman, vide, A. Bacon, his rebellion, 163. Bacon, Lord, quoted, 167, 170. Balcom, Elder Joash Q., 2d, founds a Baptist society in Jaalam, A. D. 1830, 277. Bartlett, Mr., mistaken, 130. Beast, tenth horn of, applied to recent events, 249. Beaufort, 207. Beauregard (real name Toutant), 143, 189. Beaver, brook, 291. Belm, Mr. Aphra, quoted, 168. Bentley, his heroic method with Milton, 214. Bible, not composed for use of colored persons, 176. Biglow, Hosea, Esquire, his la bors in writing autographs, 99 visits the Judge and has a pleasant time, 130 born in Middlesex County, 143 his favorite walks, ib. his gifted pen, 200 born and bred in the country, 236 feels his sap start in spring, 238 is at times unsocial, 239 the school-house where he learned his a-b-c, 240 falls asleep, 241 his ancestor a Crorawel- liau colonel, 242 finds it harder to make up his mind as he grows older, 244 wishes he could write a song or two, 255 liable to moods, 287 loves nature and is loved in return, 288 describes some favorite haunts of his, 289-291 his slain kindred, 291, 292 his speech in March meeting, 295 does not reckon on being sent to Congress, 299 has no eloquence, 16. his own re porter, 301 never abused the South, 303 advise Uncle Sam, ib. is not Boston-mad, 305 bids farewell, 316. Billy, Extra, demagogue, 208, 269. Bjarua OrimuUssou, invents smoking, 216. 318 INDEX. Bobolink, the, 238. Boggs, a Norman name, 181. Bogus Four-Corners Weekly Me ridian, 218. Bonds, Confederate, their specie basis cutlery, 117 when pay able (attention, British stock holders !), 204. Boston has a good opinion of itself, 145. Bowers, Mr. Arphaxad, an ingen ious photographic artist, 213. Brains, poor substitute for, 147. Bream, their only business, 130. Brigadiers, nursing ones, ten dency in to literary composi tion, 108. Brigitta, viridis, 207. Britannia, her trident, 159. Brotherhood, subsides after elec tion, 227. Brutus Four-Corners, 101. Buchanan, a wise and honest man, 183. Buffaloes, herd of, probable in fluence of tracts upon, 256. Bull, John, prophetic allusion to by Horace, 135 his "Run," 143 his mortgage, 153 un fortunate dip of, 204 wool pulled over his eyes, 20G. Buncombe, mutual privilege in, 189. Burke, Mr., his age of chivalry surpassed, 179. Burleigli, Lord, quoted for some thing said in Latin long before, 169. Burns, Robert, a Scottish poet, 129. Bushy Brook, 173. Butler, Bishop, 199. C. Cabbage-heads, the, always in majority, 300. Cabinet, English, makes a blun der, 139. Calyboosus, career, 272. Canaan in quarterly instalments, 220. Captains, choice of, important, 302. Carolina, foolish act of, 302. Caroline, case of, 137. Century, nineteenth, 184. Chamberlayne, Doctor, consola tory citation from, 170. Chance, an apothegm concern ing, 107 is impatient, 246. Chaplain, a one-horse, stern- wheeled variety of, 114. Charles I., accident to his neck, 245. Charles II., his restoration, how brought about, 245. Cicero, 300. Cincinnati, old, law and order party of, 230. Clotho, a Grecian lady, 253. Columbians, the true fifteen-inch ones, 226. Columbus will perhaps be re membered, 212 Columbus, thought by some to have dis covered America, 307. Compromise system, the, illus trated, 223. Conciliation, its meaning, 256. Congress, a stumbling-block, 188. Co-operation defined, 182. Corduroy-road, a novel one, 109. Corner-stone, patent safety, 187. Cotton loan, its imaginary na ture, 116. Country, Earth s biggest, gets a soul, 261. Court, Supreme, 190. Courts of law, English, their or thodoxy, 219. Cousins, British, our ci-devant, 139. Credit defined, 205. Creditors all on Lincoln s side, 187. Crockett, a good rule of, 118. Cruden, Alexander, his Concord ance, 102. Currency, Etliiopian, inconven iences of, 118. Cynthia, her hide as a means of conversion, 125. D. Daedalus first tauglit men to sit on fences, 171. Daniel in the lion s den, 112. Darkies, dread freedom, 187. Davis, Captain Isaac, finds out something to his advantage, 144. Davis, Jefferson (a new species INDEX. 319 of martyr), has the latest ideas on all subjects, 117 superior in financiering to patriarch Jacob, 119 is some, 185 carries Constitution in his hat, 188 knows how to deal with his Congress, 188 astonished his snake egg, 225 the blood on his hands, 292. De Bow (a famous political econ omist), 179. Democracy, false notion of, 192 its privileges, 258. Demosthenes, 300. Dixie, the land of, 187. Doe, Hon. Preserved, speech of, 219-231. Downing Street, 134. Dreams, something about, 241, 242. D wight, President, a hymn un justly attributed to, 248. E. Eagle, national, the late, his es tate administered upon, 122. Edwards, Jonathan, 282. Eggs, bad, the worst sort of, 230, 231. Emerson, 130. Emilitis, Paulus, 140. Enfield s Speaker, abuse of, 229. England, late Mother-Country, her want of tact, 131 merits as a lecturer, 133 her real greatness not to be forgotten, 140 not contented (unwisely) with her own stock of fools, 146 natural maker of inter national law, 147 her theory thereof, 148 makes a partic ularly disagreeable kind of sarse, ib. somewhat given to bullying, 149 has respecta ble relations, 159 ought to be Columbia s friend, 151. Epimenides, the Cretan Rip Van Winkle, 165. Ericsson, his caloric engine, 125. Eriksson, Thorwald, slain by na tives, 218. Essence peddlers, 192. Ethiopian, the, his first need, 199. Ezekiel would make a poor fig ure at a caucus, 233. F. Faber, Johannes, 283. Facts, their uuamiability, 209 compared to an old-fashioned stage-coach, 221. Falstajfii, legio, 268. Family-trees, a primitive forest of, 223. Fenianorum, rim, 267. Fergusson, his "Mutual Com plaint," &c., 129. F. F., singular power of their looks, 187. Fitz, Miss Partheuia Almira, a sheresiarch, 279. Flirt, Mrs., 168. Flirtilla, elegy on death of, 281. Floyd, a taking character, 204. F/oydus, furcijer, 268. Fool, a cursed, his inalienable rights, 259. Fourth of July, ought to know its place, 227. France about to put her foot in it, 186. Friar, John, 138. O. Gabriel, his last trump, its press ing nature, 222. Gardiner, Lieutenant Lion, 143. Gentleman, high-toned South ern, scientifically classed, 171. Geese, how infallibly to make swans of, 14G. Gideon, his sword needed, 155. Gilbert, Sir Humphrey, 217. God, the only honest dealer, 161. Goings, Mehetable, unfounded claim of, disproved, 131. Governor, our excellent, 100. Grandfather, Mr. Biglow s, safe advice of, 144. Grandfathers, the, knew some thing, 155. Grand jurors, Southern, their way of finding a true bill, 113. Grantus, Dux, 269. Gravestones, the evidence of Dissenting ones held doubtful, 219. 320 INDEX. H. Habeas corpus, new mode of sus pending it, 202. Hail Columbia, raised, 113. Ham, his seed, 175 their privi lege in the Bible, ib. im moral justification of, 177. Hampton Roads, disaster in, 199. Hat, a leaky one, 116. Hawkins, his whetstone, 125. Hawthorne, 130. Hay-rick, electrical experiments with, 258. Headlong, General, 140. Hell, the opinion of some con cerning, 241 breaks loose, Hens, self-respect attributed to, 108. Herb, the Circean, 218. Herbert, George, next to David, 166. Hermon, fourth proof dew of, 175. Hessians, native American sol diers, 189. Hickory, Old, his method, 257. Higgses, their natural aristoc racy of feeling, 180. Hitchcock, the Rev. Jeduthun, colleague of Mr. Wilbur, 101 letter from, containing notices of Mr. Wilbur, 247 ditto, en closing macaronic verses, 262 teacher of high-school, 283. Hitchcock, Doctor, 214. Hogs, their dreams, 108. Holiday, blindman s, 316. Holmes, Dr., author of "Annals of America," 100. Homer, eldest son of Mr. Wilbur, 281. Hotels, big ones, humbugs, 156. House, a strange one described, 107. Huldah, her bonnet, 244. I. Icelander, a certain uncertain, 217. Idea, the Southern, its natural foes, 206 the true American, 305. Ideas, friction ones unsafe, 228. Idyl, defined, 128. Indecision, mole-blind, 304. Ishmael, young, 156. J. Jaalam, unjustly neglected by great events, 217. Jaalam, East Parish of, 101. Jricobus rer, 268. Jamaica, 303. Jefferson, Thomas, well-mean ing but injudicious, 228. Jerusha, ex-Mrs. Sawin, 121. Jeremiah hardly the best guide in modern politics, 233. Johnson. Andrew, as he used to be, 226 as he is. See Ar nold, Benedict. Jonah, his gourd, 178 his una nimity in the whale, 184. Jonathan to John, 157. Journals, British, their brutal tone, 132. Juanito, 212. Judea not identical with A. D., 245. Judge, the, his garden, 130 his hat covers many things, ib. L. Lablache surpassed, 196. Laura, exploited, 281. Learning, three-story, 240. Letcher, de In vieille roche, 181. Letcherus, nebulo, 268. Lettres Cabalistiques, quoted, 135. Lexington, 143. Licking, when constitutional, 190. Lincoln, too shrewd to hang Ma son and Slidell, 208. Literature, Southern, its abun dance, 181. Little Big Boosy River, 120. Lord, inexpensive way of lending to, 116. Lords, Southern, prove pur sang by ablution, 179. Lyceus, 271. M. Magoffin, a name naturally noble. 181. INDEX. 321 Mandeville, Sir John, quoted, 135. Maori chieftains, 132. Mapes, Walter, quoted, 138 paraphrased, ib. Marias, quoted, 170. Mason an F. F. V., 208. Mason and Slidell, how they might have been made at once useful and ornamental, 208. Maury, an intellectual giant, twin birth with Simins (which see), 182. Mayday a humbug, 235. Me, Mister, a queer creature, 238. Medium, ardentispirituale, 2GG. Mediums, spiritual, dreadful liars, 243. Memminger, old, 118. Middleton, Thomas, quoted, 168. Mill, Stuart, his low ideas, 206. Millenniums, apt to miscarry, 200. Millspring, 207. Mills, Josiah s, 239. Milton, an English poet, 214 his " Hymn of the Nativity," 250. Missionaries, useful to alligators, 109 culinary liabilities of, 170. Montezuma, licked, 110. Montaigne, 283. Moody, Seth, his remarkable gun, 121 his brother Asaph, ib. Moquis Indians, praiseworthy custom of, 216. Moses (not A. J. Moses), prudent way of following, 220. Muse invoked, 266. K. Nana Sahib, 134. Nancy, presumably Mrs. Biglow, 143. Napoleon III., his new chairs, 201. Nation, young, its first needs, 203. Negroes, their double useful ness, 119 getting too current, 204. New World, apostrophe to, 156. Nicotiana Tabacum, a weed, 216. Noblemen, Nature s, 183. North, the, its mind naturally unprincipled, 228. Northern Dagon, 122. Northmen, gens inclytissima, Notre Dame de la Haine, 172. Nowhere, march to, 240. Now, its merits, 240. O. O Brien, Smith, 134. Old age, an advantage of, 127. Old One invoked, 196. Onesimus made to serve the cause of impiety, 177. Opinion, British, its worth to us, 139. Opinions, certain ones compared to winter flies, 166. Ovidil Xasonis, carmen supposi- titium, 266. P. Paley, his Evidences, 313. Panurge, 138. Paper, plausible-looking, wanted, 203. Patriarchs, the, illiterate, 124. Patricius, brogipotens, 267. People, the, decline to be Mexi- cauized, 221. Pepperell, General, quoted, 142. Pequash Junction, 283. Perley, Mr. Asaph, has charge of bass-viol, 1G4. Perseus, King, his avarice, 141. Petrarch, exploited Laura, 281. Petronius, 138. Pettiboue, Jabez, bursts up, 182. Pettus, came over with Wilhel- mus Conquistor, 181. Phaon, 281. Pharaoh, his lean kine, 155. Phillips, Wendell, catches a Tar tar, 230. Pickens, a Norman name, 181. Pilcoxes, genealogy of, 101. Pilgrim Father, apparition of, 242. Pine-trees, their sympathy, 239. Poets apt to become sophisti cated, 235. Polk, nomen gentile, 181. 322 INDEX. Pomp, a negro, 108. Portico, the, 278. Power, a first-class, elements of, 201. President, the, his policy, 306 his resemblance to Jackson, ib. Princes, mix cocktails, 201. Principles, when useless, 226. Professor, Latin, in Col lege, 2C5 Scaliger, 266. Prophecies, fulfilment of, 208. Prospect Hill, 144. Providence has a natural life- preserver, 156. Psyche, poor, 286. Punkiii Falls " Weekly Paral lel," 249. Putnam, General Israel, his lines, 144. Q. Quid, ingens nicotianum, 270. R. Rafn, Professor, 213. Religion, Southern, its commer cial advantages, 172. Ricos Hombres, 169. Ringtail Rangers, 123. Roanoke Island, 207. Roosters in rainy weather, their misery, 107. Rotation insures mediocrity and inexperience, 191. Royal Society, American fellows of, 249. Rum and water combine kindly, 221. Runes resemble bird-tracks, 214. Runic inscriptions, their differ ent grades of unintelligibility, and consequent value, 213. Russell, Earl, is good enough to expound our Constitution for us, 133. Ryeus, Bacchi epitheton, 271. Sailors, their rights how won, 269. Samuel, avunculus, 269. Samuel, Uncle, 112 makes some shrewd guesses, 157-162 expects his boots, 183. Sappho, some human nature in, 281. Sassy Cus, an impudent Indian, 143. Satan, his worst pitfall, 177. Sawin, Honorable B. O F., a vein of humor suspected in, 103 gets into an enchanted castle, 107 finds a wooden leg bet ter in some respects than a liv ing one, 109 takes something hot, 110 his experience of Southern hospitality, 110-113 water-proof internally, 112 sentenced to ten years im prisonment, 113 his liberal- haudedness, 116 gets his ar rears of pension, 117 marries the Widow Shannon, 119 con fiscated, 122 finds in himself a natural necessity of income, 123 his missionary zeal, 125 never a stated attendant on Mr. Wilbur s preaching, 164 sang bass in choir, ib. pru dently avoided contribution toward bell, ib. abhors a cov enant of works, 173 if saved at all, must be saved genteelly, 174 reports a sermon, 175- 177 experiences religion, 178 would consent to a duke dom, 179 converted to una nimity, 184 sound views of, 190-192 makes himself an extempore marquis, 193 ex tract of letter from, 242-247 his opinion of Paddies, 244 of Johnson, 246. Scrimgour, Rev. Shearjashub, 203. Sea, the wormy, 135. Secessia, licta, 269. Secession, its legal nature de fined, 123. Secret, a great military, 153. Seneca, quoted, 175. Sermons, some pitched too high, 165. Seward, Mister, the late, his gift of prophecy, 144 needs stiffening, 234 misunder stands parable of fatted calf, ib. Seymour, Governor, 257. Shakespeare, 209. INDEX. 323 Shannon, Mra., a widow, 115 her family and accomplish ments, 120 has tantrums, 1 21 her religious views, 174, 175 her notions of a moral and intellectual being , 178 her maiden name, 179 her blue blood, ib. Shiraz Centre, lead -mine at, 182. Shirley, Governor, 142. Shoddy, poor covering for outer or inner man, 245. Shot at sight, privilege of being, 183. Skim-milk has its own opinions, 243. Skippers, Yankee, busy in the slave-trade, 176. Simms, an intellectual giant, twin-birth with Maury (which see), 182. Slidell, New York trash, 209. Smithius, dux, 207. Sloanshure, Habakkuk, Esquire, President of Jaalam Bank, 195. Soft-heartedness, misplaced is soft-headedness, 259. Soldiers, British, ghosts of, in subordinate, 145. Solomon, Song of, portions of it done into Latin verse by Mr. Wilbur, 264. Soul, injurious properties of, 192. South, the, its natural eloquence, 229 facts have a mean spite against, 209. South Carolina, her pedigrees, 169. Southern men, their imperfect notions of labor, 113 of sub scriptions, 116 too high- pressure, 125 prima facie noble, 181. Spirit-rapping does not repay the spirits engaged in it, 243. Split-Foot, Old, made to squirm, 125. Spring, described, 236-238. Statesman, a genuine, defined, 227. Stearns, Othniel, fable by, 309, 310. Stone Spike, the, 145. Style, the catalogue, 238. Sumpter, shame of, 153. Sunday, should mind its own business, 227. Swett, Jethro C., his fall, 295. T. Taney, C. J., 190. Tarandfeather, Rev. Mr., 185. Tarbox Shearjashub, first white child born in Jaalam, 131. Tartars, Mongrel, 111. Teapots, how made dangerous, 255. Ten, the upper, 184. Thacker, Rev. Preserved, D. D., 247. Thanksgiving, Feejee, 111. Theleme, Abbey of, 196. Theocritus, the inventor of idyl lic poetry, 128. Theory, denned, 220. Thermopyles, too many, 207. "They 11 say " a notable bully, 151. Thoreau, 130. Thoughts, live ones character ized, 288. Tibullus, 253. Tinkham, Deacon Pelatiah, story concerning, not told, 106 alluded to, 127 does a very sensible thing, 173. Toombs, a doleful sound from, 209. Tuileries, front-parlor of, 201. Tunnel, northwest-passage, a poor investment, 195. Turkey-Buzzard Roost, 120. Tuscaloosa, 120. Tutchel, Rev. Jonas, a Sadducee, 218. Tylerus, jurenis insignis, 267 porphyrogenitus, 268 Johan- nides, flito celeris, 270 bene tilus, 271. Tyrants, European, how made to tremble, 115. U. Ulysses, ret, 267. Unanimity, new ways of produc ing, 184. Union, its hoops off, 183 its good old meaning, 222. Universe, its breeching, 186. 324 INDEX. Us, nobody to be compared with, 116, and see World, passim. V. Vattel, as likely to fall on your toes as on mine, 158. Victoria, Queen, her best car pets, 201. Vinland, 217. Virginia, descripla, 267, 270. Virginians, their false heraldry, 167. Voltaire, esprit de, 26C. W. Wachuset Mountain, 151. Wait, General, 140. Wales, Prince of, calls Brother Jonathan consanguine.us nos ier, 137 but had not, appar ently, consulted the Garter King at Arras, ib. Warren, Fort, 255. Wrrtchmanus, noctivagus, 111. We, 240. Weakwash, a name fatally typ ical, 143. Webster, his unabridged quarto, its deleteriousness, 264. Wickliffe, Robert, consequences of his bursting, 255. Wilbur, Mrs. Dorcas (Pilcox), tribute to, 249. Wilbur, Eev. Homer, M. A., his modesty, 97 disclaims sole authorship of Mr. Biglow s writings, 98 his low opinion of prepensive autographs, 100 a chaplain in 1812, 104 cites a heathen comedian, ib. his fondness for the Book of Job, ib. preaches a Fast-day discourse, 105 is prevented from narrating a singular oc currence, 106 is presented with a pair of new spectacles, 126 his church services in decorously sketched by Mr. Sawin, 177 hopes to decipher a Runic inscription, 194 a fable by, 195-198 deciphers Runic inscription, 211-217 his method therein, 215 is ready to reconsider his opin ion of tobacco, 218 his opin ion of the Puritans, 233 his death, 247 born in Pigsgus- set, ib. letter of Rev. Mr. Hitchcock concerning, 247-249 fond of Milton s Christmas hymn, 250 his monument (proposed), 251 his epitaph, ib. his last letter, 251-255 his supposed disembodied spirit, 262 table belonging to, 263 sometimes wrote Latin verses, 264 his table- talk, 273-285 his prejudices, ^77 againat Baptists, ib. his sweet nature, 295 his views of style, 298 a story of his, 300. Wilkes, Captain, borrows rashly, 146. Wingfield, his "Memorial," 171. Works, covenants of, condemned, 173. World, this, its unhappy tem per, 108. Writing dangerous to reputation, 102. Y. 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