LIBRARY 
 
 1 
 
 RY 
 
 f op I 
 
 T. J. MARTIN, 
 
 Second Hand 
 BOOKSELLER. 
 
 2, Triangle, 
 Bournemouth. 
 
 1 
 
F 
 
 THE 
 
 VULGARITIES 
 
 OF 
 
 SPEECH CORRECTED : 
 
 WITH 
 
 ELEGANT EXPRESSIONS 
 
 FOR 
 
 PROVINCIAL AND VULGAR ENGLISH, SCOTS, 
 AND IRISH; 
 
 FOR 
 
 THE USE OF THOSE WHO ARE 
 UNACQUAINTED WITH GRAMMAR. 
 
 " Vulgar expressions imply either a very low turn of mind, 
 or low education, and low company." 
 
 Lord Chesterfield. 
 
 decotrt IStrttton. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PRINTED FOR F. C. WESTLEY, 165, STRAND. 
 
 1829. 
 
LONDON : 
 
 C SMITH, PRINTER, WHITE LION COURT, 
 WYCH STREET, STRAND. 
 

 CONTENTS. 
 
 Utility of the Work...., <.... 2 
 
 Vulgar-Genteel Errors, and Affected Speaking.... 8 
 
 Table of Vulgar- Genteel Pronunciation 14 
 
 Contracted Vulgarities, and the Contrary 21 
 
 Table of Examples in short Words 23 
 
 Table of Contracted Pronunciation 28 
 
 Table of Uncontracted Words 35 
 
 Table of Contracted Words 40 
 
 Miscellaneous Table 43 
 
 Awkward Vulgarities 47 
 
 Awkward Questions 51 
 
 Slovenly Vulgarities 59 
 
 Vulgar Bye-Words and Exclamations 64 
 
 Miscellaneous Table 92 
 
 Vulgarity of Swearing, and Imprecation 95 
 
 Vulgarity of Proverbs, and Proverbial Expres- 
 sions 104 
 
 Defence of Proverbs.. 105 
 
 Table of Useful Proverbs 108 
 
 Table of Vulgar Proverbs 110 
 
 Table of Vulgar Proverbial Phrases 116 
 
 Vulgarity of Comparisons 120 
 
 Table of Vulgar Comparisons 124 
 
 Learned, ^Pedantic, and Professional Vulgari- 
 ties 130 
 
 Table of PedantiG Phrases and Quotations.... 134 
 Table of Obsolete Expressions , 138 
 
 I. 942 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 Mercantile Pedantry 143 
 
 Legal Pedantry 146 
 
 Medical Pedantry , 147 
 
 Naval Pedantry 148 
 
 Military Pedantry 149 
 
 Pedantry of Pronunciation 152 
 
 Grammatical Pedantry.. 157 
 
 Slang Vulgarities , 158 
 
 Table of Slang, Cant, and Flash Phrases.. ... 163 
 
 Vulgarity of Mimickry, Jeering, and Punning. 176 
 
 Vulgar Subjects of Conversation 186 
 
 Vulgarity of Egotism 187 
 
 Table of Vulgar Egotisms 193 
 
 Indelicacy and Coarseness -. 196 
 
 Trifling Circumstances 198 
 
 Wandering and Digression ~ 200 
 
 Ungrammatical Vulgarities 203 
 
 Provincial Scotch Vulgarities 222 
 
 Scotch Accent and Pronunciation 223 
 
 Table of Scotticisms, or Scotch Phrases 234 
 
 Provincial Irish Vulgarities ; 243 
 
 Irish Accent, and Pronunciation.. ib. 
 
 Tables of Words Pronounced improperly 244 
 
 Irish Idioms, Words, and Expressions 249 
 
 Provincial English Vulgarities , 253 
 
 Welsh Vulgarities of Pronunciation ib. 
 
 North of England Vulgarities 254 
 
 London Vulgarities of Pronunciation, with 
 
 Copious Corrected Tables 255 
 
 London Vulgarities of Expression 262 
 
TO 
 
 MISS MARIA EDGEWORTH, 
 
 WHOSE WORKS ON EDUCATION HAVE HAD SO MUCH 
 INFLUENCE ON THE SPIRIT OF THE AGE, 
 
 THIS LITTLE WORK, 
 
 WHICH IS INTENDED TO SUPPLY AN OBVIOUS VA- 
 CANCY IN 
 
 GRAMMATICAL EDUCATION, 
 
 IS INSCRIBED, 
 WITH THE HIGHEST RESPECT AND ESTEEM, 
 
 BY 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
4 THE VULGARITIES OF SPEECH CORRECTED. 
 
 assuming airs to which you have no right, and 
 intruding into ranks where you cannot maintain 
 your ground. 
 
 This is a very common mistake among many 
 who have, by industry or good fortune, risen 
 above their original station and prospects, and 
 therefore imagine, very mistakingly, that they 
 are entitled to take their place with the well 
 bred and well educated. They may do so, 
 without doubt, on the influence of their money 
 or property, but they will infallibly expose 
 themselves to be laughed at and ridiculed, by 
 those whose breeding and education enable 
 them to see their low expressions, vulgar pro- 
 nunciation, and continual blunders in grammar, 
 every time they join in conversation. 
 
 It is all very well for vulgar people of this 
 description, who have risen in the world, to 
 laugh among themselves at correct speaking, 
 and to despise the knowledge of grammar be- 
 cause they have it not ; but it is a known 
 maxim in the affairs of the world, when a per- 
 son is observed to talk with contempt of what 
 is universally considered excellent, that he is 
 eager to skreen his own obvious deficiency. In 
 this way you may hear such people talk with 
 contempt of learning French and Italian, and 
 sneer at music; all which, there cannot be a 
 
THE VULGARITIES OF SPEECH CORRECTED. 5 
 
 doubt, they would be the first to praise, were 
 they themselves proficients in the same ; nay, 
 the very contempt of such persons is the best 
 praise that can be bestowed upon any accom- 
 plishment. " Knowledge," says a popular 
 writer, " in any art or science being always the 
 fruits of observation or practice, gives, in pro- 
 portion to its extent and usefulness, the pos- 
 sessor a just claim to respect. We do, indeed, 
 often see all the outward marks of respect be- 
 stowed upon people, merely because they are 
 rich and powerful ; but these, while they are 
 bestowed with pain, are received without plea- 
 sure. They drop from the tongue, or beam 
 from the features, but have no communication 
 with the heart. They are not the voluntary 
 offering of admiration, or of gratitude; be- 
 cause, dishonesty and perfidy are crimes. To 
 entitle a man to respect, there must be some- 
 thing of his own doing beyond the bounds of 
 his well known duties and obligations." Of 
 the accomplishments which do entitle to re- 
 spect, there are none, I am convinced, that 
 rank higher than correct speaking, and the 
 avoiding of vulgarities. 
 
 To young people, in particular, and those 
 who are rising in the world, this accomplish- 
 ment will be of the most invaluable advan- 
 B2 
 
6 THE VULGARITIES OF SPEECH CORRECTED. 
 
 tage, it being so very strong and obvious a mark 
 of character, as I shall demonstrate while I 
 proceed. In every station of life, in every em- 
 ployment, the same advantage will be apparent, 
 and it cannot be too earnestly impressed on the 
 attention of the young to attend most carefully 
 to the directions which they will find in this 
 little work, and which, with no very great study 
 on their part, they may soon master. 
 
 Young ladies require not to be informed 
 how indispensible correct speaking is to them ; 
 for unless they possess this accomplishment, 
 music, dancing, a fine carriage, or an elegant 
 taste for dressing, will be all thrown into the 
 shade. A vulgar expression will at once give 
 evidence of a glaring deficiency, and fix a blot 
 on their taste and their acquirements, which 
 will not be easily effaced from the memory of an 
 observer. A few hours careful study, with an 
 attentive practice of our rules and examples, 
 would not only prevent this, but would unfail- 
 ingly produce ever after, a favourable impres- 
 sion of character and accomplishment. 
 
 As the utility of this work, therefore, must be 
 obvious to almost every class of the reading po- 
 pulation, it would be superfluous to waste 
 words in recommending it to the attention of 
 families, and to the superintendants of schools. 
 
THE VULGARITIES OF SPEECH CORRECTED. 7 
 
 One remark, it may be important to make, with 
 respect to some schools (we hope but few) 
 where grammar is taught according to rule and 
 system namely, that the pupils are not re- 
 quired to practise their grammar by correct 
 speaking, it being thought sufficient to apply 
 the rules to the lesson only, and have done with 
 them. In consequence of this very blameable 
 carelessness on the part of the master or the 
 governess, the pupils, though paid for at a high 
 rate, enter into society with no more advantage, 
 so far as correct speaking is concerned, than 
 the children of the uneducated classes. In 
 schools and academies, where this has hitherto 
 been the practice, it is to be hoped this little 
 work will soon effect a salutary reform. 
 
 It is painful to think, that even at the highest 
 seminaries of education in this country, correc- 
 or elegant speaking so far from being studied, is 
 held unfashionable ; and an unintelligible jargon 
 is affected by those youths whose money and 
 influence enable them to take the lead at 
 Harrow and Eton, as well as at Oxford and 
 Cambridge. To such misled young gentlemen, 
 this book will afford direction and advice which 
 they cannot readily forget, and for which they 
 will be very thankful when they come to see 
 their follies, on taking their station in the higher 
 
8 VULGAR-GENTEEL ERRORS, 
 
 ranks of society, and on entering upon the duties 
 of noblemen and gentlemen. 
 
 It will be unnecessary for me to expatiate at 
 greater length on the utility of this work, which, 
 if the execution make any approach to the plan 
 that has been sketched, cannot fail to become a 
 constant companion for young persons of both 
 sexes, while it will be also of advantage to those 
 more advanced, for occasional reference and 
 consultation. 
 
 VULGAR-GENTEEL ERRORS, AND AFFECTED 
 SPEAKING. 
 
 Those who attempt to speak very fine, 
 without a proper knowledge to direct them, 
 are certain to make more mistakes, than if 
 they were contented to speak plainly, without 
 endeavouring to do what they are altogether 
 unfit to accomplish, from deficiency of educa- 
 tion. In order to sound words properly, it is 
 indispensible that you hear some good speaker 
 pronounce them, and this may not always be 
 in your power ; nor are you probably a judge 
 of correct pronunciation when you hear it. In 
 the country, the only opportunities you may 
 have, will be confined chiefly to those who are 
 very seldom to be trusted to as correct models. 
 Country fine-speakers, indeed, often furnish 
 
AND AFFECTED SPEAKING. 9 
 
 very strong examples of the vulgar-genteel, 
 which I wish here to guard you against, as 
 from their limited intercourse with polished 
 society, they usually acquire a stiff, starched^ 
 precise way of speaking, and of mouthing and 
 mincing their words, which is exactly the very 
 character of the vulgar-genteel ; and extremely 
 different from the easy flow of polite conver- 
 sation. 
 
 You may easily avoid the glaring error of 
 speaking in the vulgar-genteel style, by avoid- 
 ing affectation, or endeavouring to speak finer 
 than your associates. Let me be understood 
 however : I do not say you are not to try to 
 speak as correctly as you can ; but there is a 
 very great difference between an easy correct- 
 ness of language, and a mincing affectation of 
 fine words, and fine pronunciation. The one 
 will only bring you into ridicule, while the 
 other will distinguish you as accomplished in 
 an elegant acquirement. 
 
 One rule for avoiding the error in question 
 is, to step as little out of the common path as 
 correctness will sanction, that you may not 
 attract observation by singularity. For ex- 
 ample, if a word is pronounced in two different 
 ways by good speakers, such as the word 
 "wind,'' rather adopt the more usual than 
 
10 VULGAR-GENTEEL ERRORS, 
 
 the more rare pronunciation, that you may not 
 be pointed out as affecting to speak fine. In 
 words of more difficult pronunciation, such as 
 " miscellany," where there are also two methods 
 of pronouncing this rule will be of still 
 greater importance. The word " revenue" is 
 another of the words which exemplifies my 
 rule. In some parts of the country, and in 
 some circles, you may hear it pronounced with 
 the force of the voice upon the " n," and in 
 others upon the "v"; I advise you therefore 
 to follow the practice of those with whom you 
 chiefly associate, rather than endeavour to 
 make yourself ridiculous by affected singula- 
 rities. 
 
 I may mention as another mark of the 
 vulgar-genteel, the attempt to speak in familiar 
 conversation in the same style of pronunciation, 
 as if the speaker were reading a prayer or 
 a grave discourse. This style of speaking is, 
 and must be, always stiff and mouthy; yet 
 it is by no means uncommon to hear it among 
 those who affect to speak fine. I have often 
 observed it appear extremely laughable, when 
 the speaker had been taught to read with 
 some singularities of pronunciation. As an 
 example of this species of the vulgar-genteel I 
 may instance the words " whole" and " above," 
 
AND AFFECTED SPEAKING. 1 1 
 
 which, several years ago, were taught, in a few 
 schools, to be pronounced whoole and aboove, 
 and you may still occasionally hear them thus 
 pronounced in vulgar-genteel conversation. 
 The mistake in the first instance arose from 
 the Words being similar in spelling to " who" 
 and " whom.'' Another word of the same 
 class is " gold," but the pronunciation of it is 
 doubtful, being sometimes sounded to rhyme 
 with " old," and at other times to be pro- 
 nounced goold, of which I would disapprove. 
 In "goldsmith/' "goldfinch," and "gold- 
 beater," the irregular sound is fixed. The 
 word " Rome" is another, still more doubt- 
 ful, being pronounced " Rome" and " Roome" 
 indifferently, by the best speakers, though the 
 first is preferable. 
 
 I may class also, as vulgar book-speaking, 
 the words " business" and " busy," when pro- 
 nounced as we sometimes hear them, as if spelt 
 business and buzzy, instead of " bizness" and 
 " bizzy." The word " bury," pronounced 
 benry or burry, instead of correctly " berry," 
 is another of the same class, and sometimes we 
 hear " sugar," sounded sitggar, instead of 
 " shoogar." I must not omit as belonging to 
 the same kind, the words " move," " prove," 
 " improve/' " improvement," when the " ov" is 
 
12 VULGAR-GENTEEL ERRORS, 
 
 sounded so as to rhyme with " love," instead of 
 being sounded, as in " hooves." It is no less 
 vulgar to sound "bull," "full," "pull," "push," 
 "bush," "put," "pudding," "pulpit," "pullet," 
 " puss," " cushion," with the short sound of 
 "u," as if rhyming with "dull," " cull," " rush," 
 " but," " budding," &c. The proper sounds, 
 are " bool," " pool," " poolpit," " cooshion," 
 &c. These mistakes are in some degree pe- 
 culiar to the North, and to Ireland. 
 
 Among other mistakes into which those that 
 speak by book are apt to fall, is the sounding 
 of letters whose contraction is established in 
 the language by invariable usage. A strong 
 example of this might be adduced in the instance 
 of sounding the " 1" in the words " could," 
 " would," and " should," but this " 1" is never 
 heard at present, except in some very remote 
 provincial districts. We may frequently, how- 
 ever, hear the " t" vulgarly sounded in the 
 words " castle," " bustle," " justle," instead of 
 " cassle," " bussle," "jussle," and in many 
 other instances, as shall be fully shown in the 
 succeeding chapter. 
 
 From the long sound of " u" being in many 
 cases rather difficult to master, as in the words 
 " suit," " suicide," " superfluous," " supera- 
 bound," &c, which are, commonly, by the 
 
AND AFFECTED SPEAKING. 13 
 
 vulgar, sounded as if written soote, sooicide, 
 sooperflooous, &c, those who would be fine 
 speakers may be observed to dwell with pecu- 
 liar force of voice upon what they imagine to 
 be the correct sound of the " u." This we 
 cannot hesitate to consider as an instance of 
 the pedantic vulgar-genteel, and worse than 
 either of the common vulgarities in pronounc- 
 ing similar words, namely, soote, sooperflooous 
 or slioote, shooperflous, the first of which is 
 common in the South, and the second in the 
 North. The correct sound of the " u" in all 
 those cases is precisely the same as the word 
 " you ;" but it ought to be pronounced with 
 an easy flow, and not with a stiff and formal 
 mouthing of the letter. 
 
 In some measure, misled by the authority of 
 Walker, and other writers, we often hear 
 book-speakers pronouncing stiffly and affected- 
 ly, the words in which " a" follows " c"and " g," 
 by introducing " e" or " y" where they have 
 no business. In opposition to this authority, 
 I would bring the present example of our 
 best speakers, who, with a very few exceptions, 
 pronounce these words plainly according to 
 the spelling. That it is a vulgar pronuncia- 
 tion, I have no doubt, from its being a common 
 provincialism. In other words, where there is 
 
14 
 
 VULGAR-GENTEEL ERRORS^ 
 
 no 
 
 a," as in the words " county/' " counter, 
 " counsel," " account," " cows," &c, which 
 are vulgarly sounded Kyounty, Kyounter, 
 Kyounsel, Ackyount, Kyows, &c. Neither Mr. 
 Walker, nor any other writer would defend 
 this vulgarity, which is sometimes even affect- 
 dedly extended to " common" pronounced 
 Kyimmo?i } " copy" pronounced Kyippy, and 
 the like. The following table will exhibit the 
 chief of these errors : 
 
 Correct. c Vulgar. 
 
 Carr 
 
 Kyar. 
 
 Carabine 
 
 Kyurebine. 
 
 Carat 
 
 Kyarat. 
 
 Caraway 
 
 Kyaraway. 
 
 Carbuncle 
 
 Kyarhunclc. 
 
 Carcass 
 
 KyarcasS' 
 
 Card 
 
 Kyurd. 
 
 Cardamum 
 
 Kyardamum. 
 
 Cardinal 
 
 Kyardinal. 
 
 Cargo 
 
 Kyargo. 
 
 Carmine 
 
 Kyarmine. 
 
 Carnage 
 
 Kyarnage. 
 
 Carnal 
 
 Kyarnal. 
 
 Carnation 
 
 Kyarnation. 
 
 Carnival 
 
 Kyarnival. 
 
 Carouse 
 
 Kyarouse. 
 
 Cart 
 
 Kyart. 
 
 Carpenter 
 
 Kyarpenter. 
 
 Carpet 
 
 Kyarpet. 
 
 Carriage 
 
 Kyarriage. 
 
 Carrion 
 
 Kyarrion. 
 
 Carrot 
 
 Kyarrot. 
 
 Carry 
 
 Kyarry. 
 
 Cart 
 
 Kyart. 
 
 Carve 
 
 Kyarve. 
 
AND AFFECTED SPEAKING. 15 
 
 Garb Ghyarb. 
 
 Garbage Ghyarbagc. 
 
 Garble Ghyarble. 
 
 Garden Ghyarden. 
 
 Gargle Ghyargle. 
 
 Garland Ghyarlan 
 
 Garlick Ghyarlick 
 
 Garment Ghyarment. 
 
 Garnet Ghyarnet. 
 
 Garnish Ghyarnish. 
 
 Garter Ghyarter. 
 
 Regard Reghyard. 
 
 I am not even certain that " guard," " guar- 
 dian/' " disguise," " sky," " catechise," &c, 
 should not be pronounced plainly, and not as 
 Mr. Walker directs, ghyard, disghyise, sky-y, 
 catekyise, &c. In all the short sounds, how- 
 ever, of " a" after " c" and " g," this pronun- 
 ciation which we have been reprobating, is 
 indispensible, as the words cannot be sounded 
 in any other manner, as in "captain," " cannot," 
 " candle," " cant," &c, which are correctly 
 pronounced " kyaptain," " kyannot," " kyan- 
 dle," "kyant," &c.; and "garret," "garrison," 
 "gallop," " gambler," &c, correctly pronounc- 
 ed " ghyarret," " ghyarrison," " ghyallop," 
 " ghyambler," &c. It is a very singular omis- 
 sion, that this pronunciation is not marked in 
 any of our pronouncing Dictionaries ; not even 
 in Walker's. 
 
16 VULGAR-GENTEEL ERRORS, 
 
 I must not omit to mention it as an indica- 
 tion of the vulgar-genteel, to affect hard terms 
 and long sounding words, for unless the speaker 
 is a very good scholar indeed, he will in many 
 cases misapply them, and make himself ridicu- 
 lous. The best rule in this case, is never to 
 employ any word which you do not thoroughly 
 understand, and with which you are not quite 
 familiar. If you neglect this caution, and 
 eagerly endeavour to show off your supposed 
 acquirements, by introducing every strange 
 newfangled word which you may chance to 
 hear in conversation, or meet with in books 
 you cannot fail to become a butt for the jests 
 of all who observe your affectation of fine 
 speaking. You may thus hear people say 
 tremenduous, for " tremendous ;" genus, for 
 " genius" ; ingenuous, for " ingenious ;" and 
 many other blundering words of the same 
 kind. 
 
 It is no less vulgar to show a fondness for 
 any particular word, and repeat it on all occa- 
 sions, frequently, in the most inappropriate 
 manner, as I shall have to advert to under the 
 chapter on the vulgarity of bye-words. You 
 may, for instance, observe that many persons 
 will repeat the words mighty, vast, vastly, &c, 
 in almost every sentence which they utter. 
 
AND AFFECTED SPEAKING. 17 
 
 Such persons will as readily say mighty small, 
 as might?/ large, and vastly little, as vastly 
 great, though the expressions he not only 
 vulgar but nonsensical. The words terrible, 
 frightful, horrid, tremendous, and many others 
 of a similar kind, are frequently applied in the 
 same way by vulgar people (who imagine they 
 are speaking very fine) to things which are the 
 very reverse of terrible, frightful, horrid, tre- 
 mendous, &c. 
 
 The words "elegant" and " beautiful" are 
 very commonly misapplied in a similar manner. 
 " One of the first things/' says a modern author, 
 " which a stranger observes in Ireland, in the 
 language of the street, is the very frequent 
 repetition of the word " elegant" to things the 
 most dissimilar. In the Irish market every 
 thing you bargain for is elegant, from the 
 basket of eggs up to the corpus of a fresh 
 slain hog ; and we have no doubt that many of 
 the people there, would descant most warmly 
 on an elegant dunghill or a pigstye*." In 
 England the word " beautiful" is an equal 
 favourite, particularly where it is most inappli- 
 cable, I mean in the flavour of eatables, for 
 which you may every day hear it employed. 
 Thus a plumb-pudding is said to be beautiful, 
 * Art of Beauty, Page 350. 
 
18 VULGAR GENTEEL ERRORS, 
 
 not in reference to its appearance, how rich so- 
 ever that may be ; but solely because it tastes 
 well and has a fine relish. The same will be 
 said of a joint of pork, turtle soup, calf's head, 
 or any other dish, as well as sauces, liquors, &c. 
 " I once knew a tradesman at a fashionable 
 watering-place, who had picked up the word 
 " elegant," which he applied without distinc- 
 tion to every thing, and talked as often of ele- 
 gant weather, an elegant morning, or an ele- 
 gant day, as of an " elegant coach," to the no 
 small amusement of many of his customers, who 
 laughed heartily at his affectation*." 
 
 " Every one," says Sir William Cornwallis, 
 " is fitted by nature ; whose fashion, if he likes 
 not, but will choose rather to wear other men's 
 cast clothes, it is a pity the admiration he 
 affects should not be turned into laughter- I 
 have seen some silly creatures, that have had 
 the extremity of this disease in words; but 
 what has been the end ? Alas ! They have de- 
 livered prisoners that have turned traitors, and 
 instantly betrayed them to derision. For my 
 part, I think generally, this ought to be shun- 
 ned ; and if ever I were subject to affect, in 
 which I have been so precise, that I have been 
 
 * Duties of a Lady's Maid, p. 183. 
 
AND AFFECTED SPEAKING. 19 
 
 afraid to wear fashions until they have been 
 well aired by a general use." 
 
 The manner of speaking, also, with regard to 
 the loudness or lowness of the voice, will, in 
 many instances, serve to characterize the speaker 
 as polite or vulgar. The affected whisper, 
 which has lately become common, is the very 
 extreme of the vulgar genteel ; as loud bawling 
 is the mark of low breeding and vulgar man- 
 ners. The affected whisper, however, and the 
 mincing whine of religious cant, are more con- 
 temptible than the rudest bawling, as the latter 
 wears something of the air of independence, 
 while the former announces the speaker to be 
 under the restraint of leading strings. 
 
 In provincial districts, the vulgar genteel is 
 frequently to be observed in the conversation of 
 those who endeavour to avoid the provincialisms 
 of the common people. In Scotland, and in 
 Ireland, for example, the most laughable at- 
 tempts are often made to find English expres- 
 sions for the common Scotch and Irish, a thing 
 which is in many cases impossible, from the 
 want of equivalent expressions or synonymous 
 words: dishes, for example, the cookery of 
 which is unknown in England, and of course 
 there cannot be any English word for them. 
 As an instance, I may mention the common 
 c 
 
20 VULGAR GENTEEL ERRORS. 
 
 breakfast dish in Scotland, and in many parts 
 of Ireland, which is called " parritch," or " por- 
 ritch" in Scotch, and " stirabout" in Irish. Now, 
 as there is no English word for this dish of 
 oatmeal, the vulgar genteel are very much 
 puzzled what to call it ; and in their dilemma, 
 lay hold of the English words which are 
 nearest in sound; some calling it porridge, and 
 others pottage, though it is neither the one nor 
 the other. Sailors call it " bergoo," but that 
 word would never do on shore. A few of the 
 vulgar genteel think it better to call it hasty- 
 pudding, though in that case they are as far 
 wrong as in using the word pottage. 
 
 A similar mistake may sometimes be remark- 
 ed in attempts to give the provincial words a 
 correct sound, though these words are not 
 English, and cannot in this manner be made so. 
 I may take an example from the name of 
 another Scotch dish, celebrated by the author 
 of Waverley, I mean " crappit-heads," which is 
 pronounced " heeds ;" but the vulgar genteel 
 in all cases pronounce heds, according, as they 
 suppose, to the correct English. The old 
 Northern festival in Winter, may be given as 
 another very prominent instance. It is uni- 
 formly pronounced " yule," with the sound of 
 the French " u " but the vulgar genteel, aping 
 
CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, &C. 21 
 
 the English mode, pronounce it as if written 
 yool, which is unintelligible to the only people 
 among whom the word is used or understood. 
 A singular instance of erroneous speaking by 
 book suggests itself here, from this word which 
 was formerly written " zule," the " z" being 
 pronounced like an initial " y." This pro- 
 nunciation of the " z" being now lost, though 
 it is retained in spelling some proper names, 
 has occasioned a vulgar genteel change in their 
 sound. Thus, " DalzeU," which was originally 
 sounded " Dalyell," is now bookishly pro- 
 nounced as it is written, and " Cockenzie," 
 " Zuil," "Menzies," &c. the same. "Mackenzie" 
 has long lost is original and proper sound, which 
 would now appear quite vulgar and pedantic. 
 
 I shall extend these remarks under the head 
 of provincialisms. 
 
 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, AND THE CONTRARY. 
 
 Perhaps it might have been more correct to 
 have entitled this chapter the vulgarity of con- 
 tractions ; but about this we shall not dispute, if 
 we once understand the meaning of the thing 
 itself. You must have frequently remarked, 
 that it is a common characteristic of the vul- 
 gar, to shorten or contract the words which 
 c 2 
 
22 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 they use, in such a manner as to alter them en- 
 tirely. I readily admit, and request attention 
 to the admission, that some forms of contrac- 
 tion are become from custom less vulgar than 
 others; nay, have even crept into good society, 
 and may be heard among the best speakers ; 
 but, in the first instance, these were decidedly 
 vulgar, as will be seen from the examples which 
 I shall give below. 
 
 The most common example, perhaps, of con- 
 traction, is that where the word " not" follows 
 " and, are, is, was, were, do, did, have, had, 
 shall, will, should, would, nay, might, can, and 
 could ;" and as we have just remarked, some of 
 these are much less vulgar than others, but not 
 one of them could be admitted into correct and 
 elegant conversation. In some of our older 
 writers, we frequently find the contraction 
 "I'n'tit," or, "is n't it," which bears some 
 appearance of the correct expression, though 
 it is a contraction of a bad arrangement of the 
 words, instead of the proper expression " Is it 
 not ?" But what shall we say to the vulgar form 
 which this contraction has now so very com- 
 monly taken, and which is so offensive to a 
 grammatical ear? I mean the expression, 
 " a' n't it" which is, I believe, peculiar to Eng- 
 land and the United States of America, and is 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 23 
 
 decidedly the most vulgar and incorrect expres- 
 sion in common use. If you have got a habit, 
 therefore, of using this expression a'nH, in 
 any of its applications, you cannot be too 
 careful in avoiding it, as you will never hear 
 it employed by any well educated person, much 
 less by correct or elegant speakers. In order 
 to make you more perfect in avoiding this vul- 
 garity, I shall give you a few corrected ex- 
 amples of it. 
 
 Vulgar. Correct. 
 
 I a'ti't a going. I am not going. 
 
 You a'ti't able to do it. You are not able to do it. 
 
 A' n't she come yet? Is she not come yet ? 
 
 A'nt I very lucky ? Am I not very lucky ? 
 
 He a' n't ready. He is not ready. 
 
 They a'ti't gone. They are not gone. 
 
 Those a'ti't pretty. Those are not pretty. 
 
 A'ti't they going ? Are they not going ? 
 
 It a'ti't fine. It is not fine. 
 
 A' n't it a good one ? Is it not a good one ? 
 
 He is very clever a'ti't Is not Mr. Wilson very 
 
 Mr. Wilson ? clever ? 
 
 This flower is pretty a'nt it ? Is not this flower pretty ? 
 
 When you have mastered this easy lesson, 
 you may then proceed to the other forms of 
 contraction, which are by no means so bad as 
 this vulgar a* n't, which I may remark is made 
 worse by sounding, as is usual, the a long and 
 
24/ CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 open, like the word " faint," rather than short, 
 like the word " and/' as it ought to be when 
 contracted for " am not," and " are not." The 
 contraction of "is not," into isn't, does not 
 sound quite so bad as a' n't, but this also ought 
 to be avoided. 
 
 The next class of contractions to be avoided 
 are, wa'n'l, wer'n't, won't, and the like, which, 
 from their being more universally used, are not 
 so vulgar as a' n't. To these I may add, don't, 
 didn't, haven t, hadn't, sha'n't, shouldn't, 
 wouldn't, couldn't, can't, mayn't, mightn't, and 
 a few others of the same sort. There can be 
 no doubt that it would be equally easy to use 
 the correct expressions for these awkward con- 
 tractions, and it is to be hoped that the circu- 
 lation of this little work will tend to effect this 
 desirable purpose among an extensive portion 
 of the reading population. A short table of 
 the contractions, with their corrected forms, may 
 be useful to my younger readers. 
 
 VULGAR. CORRECT. 
 
 I voa'n't there. I was not there. 
 
 Weren't they at home ? Were they not at home? 
 
 That won't do. That will not do. 
 
 It don't indeed. It does not indeed. 
 
 She don't sing She does not sing. 
 
 You shan't go You shall not go. 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 25 
 
 VULGAR. CORRECT. 
 
 You mustn't indeed. You must not indeed. 
 
 Haven't they gorte ? Have they not gone? 
 
 I hadn't it. I had it not. 
 
 Shouldn't he do it? Should not he do it? 
 
 They can't succeed. They cannot succeed. 
 
 Mayn't I try this ? May I not try this ? 
 
 He don't affirm it. He does not affirm it. 
 
 It mightn't be so. It might not be so. 
 
 Wouldn't this fit ? r Would not this fit ? 
 
 Oughtn't he to go ? Ought not he to go ? 
 
 I may remark of the vulgar contraction don't, 
 that when it follows the words " he," " she," or 
 " it," or the name of an individual, it is much 
 worse than any of the others just mentioned, as 
 it involves in that case a grammatical error, and 
 is as bad as the expressions lie do, she do, it 
 do, or Mr. B. do. In order, therefore, to avoid 
 this gross mistake, it would be well never to use 
 dorit at all, even after " they" and " we," 
 when, though it is vulgar, it is not ungramma- 
 tical. Among expressions of the same kind, I 
 may mention, "this flower don't blow yet;" 
 " it don' t rain now ;" " that horse don H trot 
 well ;" " my tailor don H overcharge me ;" 
 " that lady dont look handsome." In all these 
 cases, and hundreds of the same class, don't 
 should be discarded being ungrammatical, and 
 " does not" employed in its place. 
 
26 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 Another vulgar contraction (which was, how- 
 ever considered elegant about fifty years ago) 
 is the leaving out of the " th" in the word 
 " them." In conversation, this contraction is 
 still very common, but ought to be avoided by 
 correct speakers, whom we never hear saying 
 " I got 'em from the country ;" " She gave 'em 
 to me as a present ;" " The apples were very 
 fine : I had 'em from America ;" " Those 
 books are prettily bound : Richards did 'em ;" 
 " The parcels are arrived : John brought 'em." 
 In all these cases, and wherever this vulgar 
 'em occurs, " them" should always be substi- 
 tuted. To those who have got into the habit 
 of using the contraction, this will at first be 
 difficult, but a little attention will easily conquer 
 it. T'other, for " the other," is a vulgar con- 
 traction of the same kind. I must not omit to 
 notice another which is not quite so com- 
 mon as the preceding ; but is occasionally used 
 when it would be better avoided, I mean the 
 contraction of " one" into 'un, in such phrases 
 as " It is a very good 'un ; I would not have 
 given you a bad 'un ;" " That is the right 'un ; 
 the other 'un is not so large ;" " He got a small 
 'un before, and he wants a smaller 'un now." 
 In such cases, you should carefully sound the 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 27 
 
 " w," which long custom has introduced in pro- 
 nouncing (i one," as if spelled " won." 
 
 I now come to a very extensive class of con- 
 tractions which have long obtained a footing, 
 and become established in the best society, and 
 to which, accordingly, the stain of vulgarity will 
 not apply. On the contrary, it would be ex- 
 tremely vulgar, in most instances, to avoid the 
 contractions. The great difficulty is to know 
 in what cases these contractions are to be em- 
 ployed or to be avoided, and it is one of the 
 greatest niceties in correct English speaking 
 to know this well, and practise it properly. 
 The contractions to which I refer, are those of 
 the letter " e" before " n," " 1," and " d," 
 chiefly at the end of words, such as i( loosen/' 
 " hazel/ and " passed," which are contracted, 
 as if written "loos'n," " haz'l," and " pass'd." 
 These contractions then are not vulgar, where- 
 as it would be so to pronounce the " e" without 
 contraction ; but in such words as " sloven," 
 " novel," and a few others, the contrary holds, 
 as these ought never to be sounded slovn, 
 no-v'l, &c. I shall, for the sake of perspicuity, 
 give a short table of the principal words of 
 these classes which are apt to be mistaken 
 even by good speakers, and I recommend it to 
 be attentively studied : 
 
28 
 
 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 Vulgar. 
 
 Chatfl 
 
 Grav'l 
 
 FlannH 
 
 Nov'l 
 
 Parc'l 
 
 Quarrel 
 
 A reVl 
 
 Sioiv'l 
 
 Trav'l 
 
 Traveler 
 
 Trav'lled 
 
 Traveling 
 
 Vess'l 
 
 Drazel 
 
 Drivel 
 
 Gravel 
 
 Hazel 
 
 Navel 
 
 Ousel 
 
 Ravel 
 
 Rivel 
 
 Shekel 
 
 Shrivel 
 
 Shovel 
 
 Weasel 
 
 Asp'n 
 
 Chick'n 
 
 Hyphen 
 
 Jerk'n 
 
 Kilch'n 
 
 Latt'n 
 
 Leav'n 
 
 E L 
 
 EN 
 
 Correct. 
 Chapel 
 Gravel 
 Flannel 
 Novel 
 Parcel 
 Quarrel 
 A rebel 
 Swivel 
 Travel 
 Traveller 
 Travell'd 
 Travelling 
 Vessel 
 Draz'l 
 Driv'l 
 Grav'l 
 Haz'l 
 Navl 
 Ous'l 
 Rav'l 
 RivV 
 Shek'l 
 Shriv'l 
 Shov'l 
 Weas'l 
 Aspen 
 Chicken 
 Hyphen 
 Jerken 
 Kitchen 
 Latten 
 Leaven 
 
AND THE CONTRARY, 
 
 29 
 
 Vulgar. 
 Mart'n 
 Mitt'ns 
 Munch' n 
 Pat'n 
 Plat'n 
 Slovn 
 Sudd'n 
 Sudd'nly 
 Sudd'ness 
 Syr'n 
 Tick'n 
 Wom'n 
 WoolVn 
 Burdensome 
 Chasten 
 Birchen 
 Christen 
 Christening 
 Fallen 
 Fasten 
 Fastening 
 Gardener 
 Gardening 
 Harden 
 Harken 
 Heaven 
 Heathen 
 Lessen 
 Listen 
 Moisten 
 Often 
 Quicken 
 
 Correct. 
 
 Marten 
 
 Mittens 
 
 Munchen 
 
 Paten 
 
 Platen 
 
 Sloven 
 
 Sudden 
 
 Suddenly 
 
 Suddenness 
 
 Syren 
 
 Ticken 
 
 Women 
 
 Woollen 
 
 Burd'nsome 
 
 Chast'n 
 
 Birch'n 
 
 Christ'n 
 
 Christ'ning 
 
 Fall'n 
 
 Fast'n 
 
 Fasfning 
 
 Gard'ner 
 
 Gard'ning 
 
 Hard'n 
 
 Hark'n 
 
 Heav'n 
 
 Heath'n 
 
 Less'n 
 
 List'n 
 
 Moist'n 
 
 Oft'n 
 
 Quick'n 
 
30 
 
 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 Vulgar. 
 
 Correct. 
 
 Haven 
 
 Rav'n 
 
 Stolen 
 
 Stol'n 
 
 Strengthen 
 
 Strength' n 
 
 Diapason 
 
 Diapason 
 
 Guerd'n 
 
 Guerdon 
 
 Horizon 
 
 Horizon 
 
 MiWn 
 
 Milton 
 
 Urns' n 
 
 Unison 
 
 Advovoson 
 
 Advows'n 
 
 Bacon 
 
 Bac'n 
 
 Bason 
 
 Bas'n 
 
 Beacon 
 
 Beac'n 
 
 Beckon 
 
 Beck'n 
 
 Benison 
 
 Benis'n 
 
 Blazon 
 
 Blaz'n 
 
 Button 
 
 Butt'n 
 
 Capon 
 
 Cap'n 
 
 Caparison 
 
 Caparis'n 
 
 Comparison 
 
 Comparis'n 
 
 Cotton 
 
 Cott'n 
 
 Crimson 
 
 Crims'n 
 
 Damson 
 
 Dams'n 
 
 Deacon 
 
 Deac'n 
 
 Denison 
 
 Denis'n 
 
 Falcon 
 
 Falc'n 
 
 Foison 
 
 Fois'n 
 
 Garrison 
 
 Garris'n 
 
 Glutton 
 
 Glutt'n 
 
 Herison 
 
 Heris'n 
 
 Lesson 
 
 Less'n 
 
 Mason 
 
 Mas'n 
 
 Melton Mowbray 
 
 Melt'n Mowbray 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 31 
 
 Vulgar. Correct. 
 
 Milton Oysters Milt'n Oysters 
 
 Mutton Mutt'n 
 
 Oraison Orais'n 
 
 Pardon Pard'n 
 
 Parson Pars'n 
 
 Person Pers'o 
 
 Poison Pois'n 
 
 Prison Pris'n 
 
 Reason Reas'n 
 
 Seton Set'n 
 
 Stilton Stilt'n 
 
 Treason Treas'n 
 
 Wilton Wilt'n 
 
 I may remark^ after Mr. Walker, that " this 
 suppression of the " o" must not be ranked 
 among those careless contractions found only 
 among the vulgar ; but must be considered as 
 one of those devious tendencies to brevity, 
 which has worn itself into a currency in the 
 language, and has at last become a part of it. 
 To pronounce the " o" where it is supposed 
 would give a singularity to the speaker, bor- 
 dering nearly on the pedantic, and the atten- 
 tion given to this singularity by the hearer, 
 would necessarily diminish his attention to the 
 subject, and consequently deprive the speaker 
 of something much more desirable/ 9 
 
 The " e" is not only contracted and sup- 
 pressed in almost all words ending in " ed," 
 
6% AND THE CONTRARY. 
 
 where this can be easily done ; but the " d" 
 is also at the same time frequently softened 
 down and sounded like " t." This, so far 
 from being vulgar, is the usual rule of the 
 language, according to the best speakers. Ac- 
 cordingly, the words "lov'd," " liv'd," " barr'd," 
 " marr'd," are not to be pronounced loved, 
 lived, barred, marred, as if they formed two 
 syllables. Almost the only exception to this 
 is when "t" or "d"goes before the " ed," as 
 in " handed/' "landed," " wanted/' "matted," 
 &c. Another very singular exception may be 
 mentioned in the instances of religious worship, 
 and of reading the scriptures, or the prayer 
 book, when all the " eds" are to be pronounced 
 at full length, as in the verse, " Who hath be- 
 lieved our report, and to whom is the arm of 
 the Lord revealed." Again, " Whom he did 
 predestinate, them he also called ; and whom 
 he called, them he also justified ; and whom 
 he justified, them he also glorified." 
 
 There are also a few individual exceptions, 
 which will be best pointed out by mentioning 
 the words. In the word " blessed," for ex- 
 ample, the " ed" is sounded in the phrases. 
 " This is a blessed day." " That herb is 
 called the blessed thistle/' but in poetry it is 
 more usually contracted " blest," as 
 
 "Blest in thy genius, in thy love too blest."' 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 33 
 
 The four words" learned," "cursed," "aged," 
 and " winged," are in the same circumstances 
 with " blessed ;" for example, the " ed" is 
 sounded full in the phrases " a learned man," 
 " a cursed thing," " an aged woman," " a 
 winged horse ;" but is contracted in the phrases, 
 " He learn'd to write," " he curs'd the day," 
 " they wing'd their flight," " a full-aged horse," 
 f a sheath-wing' d fowl." The following are 
 also pronounced without contraction, namely 
 " naked, wicked, picked, hooked, crooked, 
 forked, tucked, tressed, wretched, crabbed, 
 scabbed, chubbed, stubbed, shagged, snagged, 
 ragged, dogged, rugged, hawked, jagged," &c 
 A good ear in such cases is the best guide, 
 and is seldom at variance with the practice of 
 elegant speakers. The following list of words, 
 however, I think it necessary to give, as being 
 sometimes mistaken from their similarity to 
 others. 
 
 Vulgar. 
 
 Correct. 
 
 Forced 
 
 Forc'd 
 
 Forc'dly 
 
 Forcedly 
 
 Enforcedly 
 
 Enforcedly 
 
 Veiled 
 
 Veil'd 
 
 UnveWdly 
 
 Unveiledly 
 
 Deformed 
 
 Deform'd 
 
 DefornrCdly 
 
 Deformedly 
 
34 
 
 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 Vulgar. 
 
 Correct. 
 
 Feigned 
 
 Feign'd 
 
 Feign'dly 
 
 Feignedly 
 
 Discerned 
 
 Discern'd 
 
 Discern 1 dly 
 
 Discernedly 
 
 Resigned 
 
 Resign'd 
 
 Resignedly 
 
 Resignedly 
 
 Prepared 
 
 Prepar'd 
 
 Preparedly 
 
 Preparedly 
 
 Assured 
 
 Assur'd 
 
 Assuredly 
 
 Assuredly 
 
 Concerned 
 
 Concern'd 
 
 Concernedly 
 
 Concernedly 
 
 Resolved 
 
 Resolv'd 
 
 Resolvedly 
 
 1 Resolvedly 
 
 Deservedly 
 
 Deserv'dly 
 
 Deserved 
 
 Deserv'd 
 
 Amazed 
 
 Amaz'd 
 
 Amazedly 
 
 Amaz'dly 
 
 Amazedness 
 
 Amazedness 
 
 Fixed 
 
 Fix'd 
 
 Fixedly 
 
 Fixedly 
 
 Fixedness 
 
 Fixedness 
 
 Numbed 
 
 Numb'd 
 
 Numl>edness 
 
 Numbedness 
 
 It would not be difficult to extend this table 
 to double the length ; but I conceive that the 
 specimens just given will easily enable the at- 
 tentive reader to correct any vulgarity of a 
 similar kind, in almost all cases. There is, 
 however, a class of words very analogous to 
 those just enumerated, which will require to 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 
 
 35 
 
 be more particularly attended to, as the con- 
 tractions are a little farther removed from the 
 original sound, and are now so well established 
 that the original sound would appear in almost 
 every case vulgar and pedantic in conversa- 
 tion, though in a few cases, and in but a few, it 
 might stand in writing. As this work, how- 
 ever, is chiefly intended as a guide to correct 
 speaking rather than correct writing, it will be 
 important to attend to the following class of 
 words f which, from their contracted forms, 
 have been called irregular by writers on 
 grammar. 
 
 Correct. 
 He beat me. 
 The dog bit him. 
 I was bled or blooded. 
 I bred it myself. 
 It burst out. 
 He cast it away. 
 She caught it as it fell. 
 I was chid for it. 
 He chose this one, 
 I cleft or clove that stick, 
 She came home to day. 
 It cost sixpence. 
 The worm crept out. 
 He cut it in two. 
 He drew it out. 
 1 drove it in. 
 D 
 
 VuLGARi 
 
 He heated me. 
 The dog bited him. 
 I was bleeded. 
 I breeded it myself. 
 It bursted out. 
 He casted it away. 
 She catchcd it as it fell 
 I was chided for it. 
 He choosed this one. 
 I cleaved that stick. 
 She corned home to day 
 It costed sixpence. 
 The worm creeped out 
 He cutted it in two. 
 He drawcd it out. 
 I drived it in. 
 
36 
 
 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 Vulgar, 
 I drinked some of it. 
 He eated the whole. 
 Itfeeded well. 
 I feeled it plainly. 
 Tie fghted hard. 
 IJinded the money. 
 He fleed for his life. 
 Iflinged it away. 
 The bird/iedhigh. 
 It has flied off. 
 You for saked her. 
 You have for saked her. 
 Jtfreczed last night. 
 It has freezed to-day. 
 It was gravedon the stone. 
 I gived it away. 
 He grinded the knife. 
 He growed wheat 
 The corn has growed. 
 I hanged it up. 
 He heared it. 
 She hided from me. 
 It hitted him a blow. 
 It holded a pint. 
 It hurted me sore. 
 I keeped it for you. 
 I knowed him 
 All that is knowed. 
 Heavy Werf. 
 He leaded the horse. 
 It was leaved behind. 
 I have tended it. 
 
 Correct. 
 I drank some of it. 
 He ate the whole. 
 It fed well. 
 I felt it plainly . 
 He fought hard. 
 I found the money. 
 He fled for his life. 
 I flung it away. 
 The bird flew high. 
 It has flown off. 
 You forsook her. 
 You have forsaken her. 
 It froze last night. 
 It has frozen to-day. 
 It was graven on the stone. 
 I gave it away. 
 He ground the knife. 
 He grew wheat. 
 The corn has grown. 
 I hung it up. 
 He heard it. 
 She hid from me. 
 It hit him a blow. 
 Tt held a pint. 
 It hurt me sore. 
 I kept it for you. 
 I knew him. 
 All that is known. 
 Heavy laden. 
 He led the horse. 
 It was left behind. 
 I have lent it. 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 
 
 37 
 
 VULGAK.' 
 
 I have letted him do it. 
 
 HeZ/eddown to rest. 
 
 He meeted out the com. 
 
 The grass is mowed. 
 
 1 readed the whole. 
 
 It was vended in two. 
 
 You are well ridded of it. 
 
 I rided a mile. 
 
 She ringed, the bell. 
 
 He rised at six. 
 
 It was rived in pieces. 
 
 I see\l it myself. 
 
 I have see'd it often. 
 
 He seeked for it. 
 
 I selled three. 
 
 It was sended off. 
 
 The razor was setted. 
 
 The fruit was shahed down. 
 
 It was sheared. 
 
 Correct. 
 I have let him do it. 
 He lay down to rest. 
 He met out the corn. 
 The grass is mown. 
 I read the whole. 
 It was rent in two. 
 You are well rid of it. 
 I rode a mile. 
 She rung the bell. 
 He rose at six. 
 It was riven in pieces. 
 I saw it myself. 
 I have seen it often. 
 He sought for it. 
 I sold three. 
 It was sent off. 
 The razor was set. 
 The fruit was shaken down. 
 It was shorn. 
 
 The deer had shedded its horns The deer had shed its horns. 
 
 The horse was well shoed. 
 He snooted it with a bow. 
 I shrinked back. 
 She shredded the onions. 
 He shuited it out. 
 She has singed there. 
 It is sinked for ever. 
 I have sitted too long. 
 He stayed it. 
 It is now stayed. 
 1 have sleeped there. 
 It slided down. 
 
 The horse was well shod. 
 He shot it with a bow. 
 I shrunk back. 
 She shred the onions. 
 He shut it out. 
 She has sung there. 
 It is sunk for ever. 
 I have sit too long. 
 He slew it. 
 It is now slain. 
 I have slept there. 
 It slid down. 
 
 d2 
 
38 
 
 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 Vulgar. 
 
 David slinged the stone. 
 
 He slinked off. 
 
 He smited me. 
 
 T was smited on the head. 
 
 He speeded fast. 
 
 It is all spended. 
 
 It spinned like a top. 
 
 It spitted at him. 
 
 Splitted asunder. 
 
 Spreaded all abroad. 
 
 It sp ringed very high. 
 
 It standed by itself. 
 
 It was stealed from me. 
 
 He slicked in the mud. 
 
 The wasp stinged her. 
 
 I strived to do it. 
 
 He has strived hard. 
 
 He smeared to it. 
 
 It swimmed well. 
 
 He swinged about. 
 
 She teached me. 
 
 I was teached so. 
 
 It was teared asunder. 
 
 He telled it thus. 
 
 She has thrived well. 
 
 It was throwed aside. 
 
 He thrusted it through. 
 
 It was treaded down. 
 
 The shoes are weared. 
 
 He weaved it well. 
 
 It was weaved. 
 
 Correct. 
 
 David slung the stone. 
 He slunk off. 
 He smote me. 
 I was smitten on the head. 
 He sped fast. 
 It is all spent. 
 It spun like a top. > 
 It spat at him. 
 Split asunder. 
 Spread all abroad. 
 It sprung very high. 
 It stood by itself. 
 It was stolen from me. 
 He stuck in the mud. 
 The wasp stung her. 
 I strove to do it. 
 He has striven hard. 
 He swore to it. 
 It swam well. 
 He swung abou . 
 She taught me. 
 I was taught so. 
 It was torn asunder. 
 He told it thus. 
 She has thriven well. 
 It was thrown aside. 
 He thrust it through. 
 It was trodden down. 
 The shoes are worn. 
 He wove it well. 
 It was woven. 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 39 
 
 Vulgar. Correct. 
 
 She weeped sore. She wept sore. 
 
 She wetted it. She wet it. 
 
 He winned it of me. He won it of me. 
 
 The watch is winded up. The watch is wound up. 
 
 Of this long list, it be may remarked, that 
 some of the vulgarities are very glaring, and 
 few persons above the rank of the lowest 
 classes will readily mistake them ; but the 
 greater number we may hear every day among 
 the careless, the thoughtless, and the half 
 educated. I would recommend a careful peru- 
 sal of the whole table, to fix the correct words 
 in the memory. 
 
 There is a remarkable contraction^ or rather 
 mispronunciation, of the syllable " ing" at the 
 end of words, which I would also press on the 
 attention of the reader, as it is extremely 
 common in all parts of the empire. " Loving," 
 for example, is pronounced lovin ; " some- 
 thing," somethin ; " nothing," nothin ; " writ- 
 ing," writin; &c. In England, these words 
 are often vulgarly pronounced with an error, 
 the opposite of what I have just reprehended, 
 the " g" being sounded too strongly, as if the 
 words were written nothingg, somethingg, lov- 
 ingg, writingg, &c. Frequently also we may 
 hear the "g" changed into a "k," and then 
 
40 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 these same words will be sounded something, 
 not kink, lovinlt, writink, &c. All of which com- 
 mon vulgarities are very different from the cor- 
 rect sound, in which the " g" should not be 
 heard, except it mingles with the ringing nasal 
 sound of the " n." Mr. Walker, who is a good 
 authority in most cases, says, that the best 
 speakers pronounce " singin," " bringin,'' " fling- 
 in," " wingin," to avoid the disagreeable repeti- 
 tion of the same sound. For the same reason, 
 the most vulgar and incorrect omission will 
 be in the words bcginnin, pinnin, si?min, &c. 
 
 In a particular class of words, of which I 
 shall next take notice, the letter " t," when it 
 follows " s," is sunk in pronunciation, and the 
 word is of course contracted. It will be the 
 most useful way of exhibiting those words, to 
 arrange them in a table. 
 
 ulgar Sound. 
 
 Correct Sound, 
 
 Apostle. 
 
 Apossle. 
 
 Bankruptcy. 
 
 Bankrupcy. 
 
 Bustle. 
 
 Bussle. 
 
 Bristle. 
 
 Brissle. 
 
 Castle. 
 
 Cassle. 
 
 Chasten. 
 
 Chass'n. 
 
 Chestnut. 
 
 Chessnut. 
 
 Christmas. 
 
 Chrissmas. 
 
 Currant. 
 
 Curran. 
 
 Currants. 
 
 Currans. 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 
 
 41 
 
 Vulgar Sound. 
 
 Correct Sound 
 
 Epistle. 
 
 Epissle. 
 
 Fasten. 
 
 Fass'n. 
 
 Glisten. 
 
 Gliss'n. 
 
 Gristle. 
 
 Grissle. 
 
 Hasten. 
 
 Has'n. 
 
 Jostle. 
 
 Jossle. 
 
 Justle. 
 
 Jussle^ 
 
 Listen. 
 
 Liss'n. 
 
 Moisten. 
 
 Moiss'ru 
 
 Mortgage. 
 
 Morgage 
 
 Nestle. 
 
 Nessle. 
 
 Often. 
 
 Off'n. 
 
 Ostler. 
 
 Ossler. 
 
 Rustle. 
 
 Russle. 
 
 Thistle. 
 
 Thissle* 
 
 Throstle. 
 
 Throssle. 
 
 Trestle. 
 
 Tressle. 
 
 Whistle. 
 
 Whissle. 
 
 Wrestle. 
 
 Wressle. 
 
 Among vulgar contractions, I may perhaps 
 be allowed to mention the word " genius," when 
 pronounced as it sometimes is, genus, " Or- 
 dinary" is also vulgarly contracted into or nary 9 
 and " extraordinary" into extr'or'nary. Mr. 
 Walker says, the best speakers say "ordinary," 
 and "extr'ord'nary." The word "superflu- 
 ous" we often hear vulgarly sounded with the 
 second " u" left out, as if written, superflous. 
 
 The titles of civility, " ladyship," " madam," 
 
42 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 and " mistress," are very usually contracted in 
 speaking, and the circumstances alone can de- 
 termine upon the vulgarity or the correctness 
 of this. There can be no doubt that it is as 
 pedantic and vulgar to pronounce "mistress" 
 at full length, as to say master instead of 
 " mister." A servant may correctly talk of his 
 " master" or his mistress ;" but in the case of 
 " Mr. and Mrs. White," it would be extremely 
 vulgar not to pronounce " Mister and Missis 
 White." In the North, and in Ireland, " Mrs." 
 is therefore incorrectly pronounced mistress by 
 almost every body. I think the contraction of 
 " ladyship" into la' ship must be considered vul- 
 gar, and the contraction of " madam into ma am 
 also, in the case of ladies of rank or distinc- 
 tion, though it may be correctly used in speak- 
 ing to females in the middle ranks of society. 
 The mincing pronunciation of this contraction, 
 however, as if it were written me 'm } cannot in 
 any case be permitted, and is very vulgar in- 
 deed. At the bar, the words " lord and " lord- 
 ship/' are vulgarly contracted into ludd and 
 luddship, or still worse ladd and la'ddship. 
 
 I shall here insert another short table of mis- 
 cellaneous contractions, universally common in 
 vulgar conversation, and necessary therefore 
 to be carefully avoided. 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 
 
 43 
 
 Vulgar. 
 Ma , shall I tell Pa so ? 
 I'd do it for him. 
 Vve attended to that. 
 I'll go to-morrow. 
 I'll not go there. 
 I'm ready now. 
 Thou'st said right. 
 Thou'rt quite wrong. 
 Thoudsl not refuse me. 
 Thou'lt have it then. 
 SAe's gone. 
 /Ze7? not come. 
 He'd be in danger. 
 It's frosty weather. 
 'TVs very cold. 
 John's off to-day. 
 The Maid's arrived. 
 1 'm not i'th' vein. 
 
 Is't good, that 'un ? 
 
 May't answer you ? 
 
 There s one of 'em. 
 
 Wi7 do, this 'un ? 
 
 I feeCt sorely. 
 
 I/ef's seek for him. 
 
 jJWs in vain. 
 
 That's what 1 want. 
 
 The scar on's cheek. 
 
 How d'ye do ? 
 
 D'ye go to-day. 
 
 I'W come t'ye. 
 
 That is cur'ous. 
 
 'T wouldn't do. 
 
 Correct. 
 Mamma, shall I tell Papa so 
 I would do it for him. 
 I have attended to that. 
 I shall go to-morrow. 
 I will not go there. 
 I am ready now. 
 You have said right. 
 You are quite wrong. 
 You would not refuse me. 
 You will have it then. 
 She is gone. 
 He will not come. 
 He would be in danger. 
 It is frosty weather. 
 
 It is very cold. 
 
 John is off to-day. 
 The maid has arrived. 
 I am not in the vein. 
 
 Is that a good one ? 
 
 May it answer you ? 
 
 There is one of them. 
 
 Will this one do? 
 
 I feel it sorely. 
 
 Let us seek for him. 
 
 All is in vain. 
 
 That is what I want. 
 
 The scar on his cheek. 
 
 How do you do? 
 
 Do you go to-day ? 
 
 I shall come to you. 
 
 That is curious. 
 
 It would not do. 
 
44 
 
 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 Vulgar, 
 
 I insist on't, 
 
 I havt't here. 
 
 The castle stands upon't. 
 
 O'the rock, I mean. 
 
 What's that y ftk % name of 
 
 wonder ? 
 I knew't before. 
 What's the price o't ? 
 'Twere better not. 
 He will do't himself. 
 An't please you. 
 They're still here. 
 They've done , t now. 
 They'd be wrong to do it. 
 They'll come soon. 
 You're not going. 
 You've mistaken. 
 You'll find it there. 
 You'd be wrong. 
 We're all ready. 
 We've been there. 
 We' 11 come to-morrow. 
 TPVd endeavour to be come. 
 There's life in*f. 
 He does not go p'rhaps. 
 I s'pose so. 
 A very W/fe of it. 
 The parson was there. 
 
 Correct. 
 
 I insist on it. 
 
 I have it here. 
 
 The castle stands upon it. 
 
 On the rock, I mean. 
 
 I wonder what that is. 
 
 I knew it before. 
 
 What is the price of it. 
 
 It were better not. 
 
 He will do it himself. 
 
 If it please you. 
 
 They are still here. 
 
 They have done it now. 
 
 They would be wrong to do it. 
 
 They will come soon. 
 
 You are not going. 
 
 You have mistaken. 
 
 You will find it there. 
 
 You would be wrong. 
 
 We are all ready. 
 
 We have been there. 
 
 We shall come to-morrow. 
 
 We would endeavour to come. 
 
 There is life in it. 
 
 He does not go perhaps. 
 
 I suppose so. 
 
 A very little of it. 
 
 The pars'n was there. 
 
 The rule, in writing and printing, followed at 
 present, is to employ no contractions which 
 
AND THE CONTRARY. 45 
 
 can be avoided; and the same rule is appli- 
 cable, in a great measure, to speaking, or at 
 least it is becoming every day more fashionable 
 in the polite world to avoid all contractions. 
 
 As the aim of this little work is correct 
 speaking, not correct writing, the vulgarities 
 which are reprobated are chiefly taken from 
 those that occur in conversation ; but the fol- 
 lowing very singular instance from a modern 
 poet, usually distinguished for his elegance and 
 precision of language, I think deserves notice : 
 
 That's hallow'd ground, where, mourn'd, and miss'd, 
 The lips repose our love has kiss'd ; 
 But where's their memory's mansion ? Is't 
 Yon church yard bowers ? 
 
 Campbell. 
 
 Mr. Home Tooke, in his ingenious work, 
 the Diversions of Purley, has shown that 
 the lazy habit of contracting words has infect- 
 ed all languages, and produced modifications 
 of sounds exceedingly different from the ori- 
 ginal words. These, in process of time, be- 
 come established, are used by the most polite 
 speakers by every body indeed who speaks 
 the language, and consequently are no longer 
 to be considered vulgar, in the same way as we 
 have seen in several instances in the preceding 
 pages. I shall here give a specimen of these 
 
46 CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, 
 
 " winged words," as the ingenious author, after 
 Homer, denominates them. 
 
 The word " if," then he says, is a contrac- 
 tion of " give," which in the old Saxon times 
 was pronounced " gif," as it is at present in the 
 North. " If," therefore means " grant" or 
 " suppose," as in the phrase, " if I go, you must 
 stay ;" that is, " give, grant, or suppose I go, 
 you must stay." 
 
 " But," again, is a contraction for " be -out ;" 
 that is, " leave out," or " except," as in the 
 phrase, " she is fair, but she is not handsome ;" 
 that is, " she is fair, be-out, (leaving out the 
 circumstance of fairness) she is not handsome ; 
 " none but he," that is, " none be-out, or ex- 
 cept him." 
 
 " And," in the same way, is a contraction of 
 the old Saxon word " anad ;" which means to 
 heap together or add ; as in the phrase, " you 
 and I may go ;" that is, " you, add I, may go." 
 
 " Through," is a contraction of the old word 
 " thuruh ;" meaning a door or passage, as in 
 the phrase, " the eagle flies through the air ;" 
 that is, " the eagle flies, passage the air, or the 
 air being the passage." 
 
 " Till," is a contraction of " to while ;" and 
 is only employed to express time, as in the 
 phrase, "tarry here till I return;" which means, 
 
AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 47 
 
 " tarry here to while, or to the time I return." 
 When " till" is otherwise employed, it is incor- 
 rect and vulgar, as " he went till London," in- 
 stead of " he went to London ;" " I intend till 
 do it," for " I intend to do it." The word 
 " until," which was formerly used for " till," is 
 wearing out of fashion. 
 
 The syllable " ly," at the end of words, is a 
 contraction of " like," as, " prettily" means 
 "pretty-like;" " darkly" means "dark-like;" 
 and so of other cases. 
 
 AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 
 
 In this division, I shall take notice of a few 
 singular forms of expression, the vulgarity of 
 which is striking enough ; but it would be diffi- 
 cult to characterise them in any other manner 
 than by their being awkward, and they can be 
 compared to nothing more appropriate than the 
 stumbling gait of one who walks awkwardly. 
 The first of this class which I shall mention, 
 is a peculiarly awkward manner of bringing in 
 the name of a person at the end of a sentence, 
 with the words " is," " was," or "does," be- 
 fore it. This cannot be described more intel- 
 ligibly except by an example, such as you may 
 hear every day in all parts of England, as, " he 
 is a worthy man, is Mr. Howard;" instead of say- 
 
48 AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 
 
 ing correctly, " Mr. Howard is a worthy man." 
 " She is a pretty woman, is Mrs. Howard " 
 instead of " Mrs. Howard is a pretty woman." 
 " He was very fortunate, was Mr. Pitt ,-" in- 
 stead of " Mr. Pitt was very fortunate." " He 
 often comes here, does Mr. Grace " instead of 
 " Mr. Grace often comes here." 
 
 The same awkward manner of speaking runs 
 through other phrases ; such as, " it is not quite 
 what I want, that;'" instead of " that is not quite 
 what I want;" " it is exactly right, this book " 
 instead of (< this book is exactly right ;" " will 
 it do, this one, at half -a-cr own?" instead of 
 " will this one, at half-a-crown, do V " is it the 
 very best, that dark blue one ?" instead of " is 
 that dark blue one the very best ; M " shall I 
 send it to you, the superfine one ?" instead of 
 " shall I send you the superfine one ?" " He 
 trots well, that horse does ;" instead of " that 
 horse trots well;" " it is neatly finished, that 
 house is ;" instead of " that house is neatly 
 finished ;" it has been newly arranged, the 
 library has" instead of " the library has been 
 newly arranged ;" " it is excellent, that is " in- 
 stead of " that is excellent ;" " it looks towards 
 the South, the garden does ," instead of " the 
 garden looks towards the South ;" " I am very 
 
AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 49 
 
 fond of flowers, / am ," instead of " I am very 
 fond of flowers." 
 
 Another of those awkward modes of expres- 
 sion, which, besides, wears an air of affectation, 
 and might have been properly enough men- 
 tioned in a preceding page, will be most con- 
 viently described by examples; for instance, 
 "pass we now to another subject;" instead of 
 plainly saying " let us pass," or " we shall now 
 pass ;" (i return we then to the story ;" instead of 
 "let us return, or " we shall then return." This 
 phraseology is particularly awkward, affected, 
 and vulgar ; as well as the similar expression, 
 " true it is " instead of " it is true." 
 
 It would be easy to give a thousand examples 
 of similar awkward vulgarities, but these will 
 be sufficient to put the intelligent reader on his 
 guard against them. Such expressions indeed 
 are not only extremely vulgar, but uncouth and 
 harsh, and are more like the blunders of a 
 foreigner, than a person speaking in his mother- 
 tongue. 
 
 A very similar vulgarity to the one mentioned, 
 p. 48, is usually prefaced by the word " that ;" as 
 in the phrases, " he is very miserly, that he is ;" 
 instead of simply saying, " he is very miserly ;" 
 or if more force is wished to be given to the 
 expression, " he is very miserly indeed ;" " she 
 
50 AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 
 
 dances very well, that she does " instead of 
 " she dances very well indeed ;" " it would be 
 very hard, that it would;" " instead of " it would 
 be very hard indeed/' This awkward mode of 
 expression is no less vulgar when it is used as 
 a confirmation of any remark made by another 
 person ; as if Mr. A. would say, " It is a very 
 ingenious plan," and Mr. B. would say, " That 
 it is;" Mr, A. " The inventor will make a for- 
 tune by it," Mr. B. " That he will, I'll be 
 bound" All such phrases beginning with that 
 are awkward vulgarities, which correct speakers 
 never employ. 
 
 I must class among the awkward vulgarities 
 the very common practice, particularly in Eng- 
 land, of ending every sentence with a question, 
 for the most part quite meaningless, as no 
 answer is expected. For example, " it freezes 
 hard to day, dont it ?" the mild weather is now 
 gone, ant it ? and we are already in the midst 
 of winter, a'rit we ?" or, " you like plum-pud- 
 ding, eh ? a very good dish, a'rtt it ? Mrs. A. 
 makes it excellent, don't she ?" I know nothing 
 more offensive than this contin ued repetition of 
 meaningless questions, which is one of the most 
 common of the awkward vulgarities we hear 
 in the South. To impress it the more strongly 
 on the attention of the reader, as I think it of 
 
AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 
 
 51 
 
 some importance, I shall give a short table with 
 corrections : 
 
 Vulgar* 
 
 I went very quick didn't I ? 
 for I always do don't I ? 
 
 I could do it couldn't I? 
 
 Correct. 
 
 I went very quick, as I 
 always do. 
 
 I could do it. 
 It is very easy. 
 He is away now. 
 He is a worthy man. 
 That looks pretty. 
 She ought to do it. 
 
 For she was paid for it. 
 
 We were lucky. 
 
 We have got over it now. 
 
 It would never do. 
 I am ready to go. 
 
 It is very easy a'n't it ? 
 He is away now a'n't he ? 
 He is a worthy man eh ? 
 That looks pretty don' tit ? 
 She ought to do it oughtn't 
 
 she ? 
 For she was paid for it wasn't 
 
 she? 
 We were lucky weren't we ? 
 We have got over it now 
 
 haven't we ? 
 It would never do would it ? 
 I'm ready to go-r-a'n't I ? 
 Is it possible ? 
 You do not say so ? 
 
 I do not mean, by these remarks and exam- 
 ples, to insinuate that questions are never to be 
 asked ; I only wish to caution those who would 
 speak correctly, to avoid the continual repeti- 
 tion of them, and most particularly those ques- 
 tions beginning with the vulgar contraction a'raV, 
 which is greatly worse than dorit and didn't, 
 bad as these are. If you attend to the rule of 
 never asking a question unnecessarily, or where 
 
52 AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 
 
 you do not wish for, nor expect an answer, you 
 will avoid this awkward practice. 
 
 I have some hesitation in mentioning a very 
 awkward species of phraseology which has 
 lately become so common, that perhaps, it 
 can scarcely be reckoned vulgar, though if 
 stiffness, pedantry, and awkwardness be vulgar, 
 I know not what else it can be called. The 
 awkward phraseology to which I refer has 
 been obviously introduced to avoid the repeti- 
 tion of names, and for the sake of variety ; first, 
 perhaps, in books, or more likely in public 
 assemblies, where it appears to be the order 
 of the day to avoid mentioning names as much 
 as possible. For example, when Mr. A. is 
 alluded to, he is called that gentleman, instead 
 of using the shorter and more legitimate words 
 " he" or " him". This, however, is not so 
 awkward, as when it is applied to the names of 
 things, as will appear more strikingly by the 
 following extract taken from a Medical Journal : 
 
 " We have received a very pressing petition 
 from the word " IT," begging that we would 
 interpose our authority to prevent the said 
 "IT" from having its legitimate place usurped 
 in medical language, by the unlawful intrusion 
 of " that," and " this," who have in pay a whole 
 host of mercenary names, to keep " IT" from 
 
AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 53 
 
 Its legal rights. Amongst a thousand instances 
 of the usurpation complained of, we find that 
 the brain is called that viscus ; the stomach, 
 that bowel; the heart, this organ; the arm, this 
 member ; oxygen, that gaseous body; opium, 
 that medicinal; water, that menstruum, &c. in 
 all of which cases, and innumerable others of 
 the same kind, the said " IT'' maintains that 
 it alone is, and should be used in classical 
 and correct language, and that all innovations 
 of this sort, are a corruption of style, not to be 
 tolerated. We think the petitioner is right, 
 and shall endeavour to correct the abuse, both 
 in ourselves, and in those who come before our 
 tribunal/ ' 
 
 I recollect some book of travels in the East, 
 that the author, wishing, no doubt, to write 
 very sublimely, while speaking ofa" tiger," in 
 order to avoid both the common word tiger, 
 and the little word " IT," calls it " that horrid 
 object of mans detestation" This is precisely 
 the same awkward, and round-about vulgarity, 
 as calling the stomach that bowel, or the intes- 
 tines that tube, or a member of Parliament that 
 gentleman. I could wish that all such awkward 
 expressions were banished from the language ; 
 but I fear the last quoted instance, and a few 
 others of the same class, are already esta- 
 blished beyond repeal. 
 e 2 
 
54 
 
 AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 
 
 It is a very common habit of awkward 
 speakers to interlard what they say with ha 
 and hm, and other unintelligible and foolish 
 sounds. You may hear this every day, even 
 among those whose education ought to have 
 rendered them more polished. For example, 
 " As I was hm passing Hyde Park corner 
 ha my horse hm stumbled and a a 
 nearly threw me." A very little more would 
 render this absolute stuttering, and yet it is a 
 common fault in speakers, who do not stutter 
 in the usual sense of the term. 
 
 It is a fault analogous to this, and even 
 more common, particularly in England, where 
 every other person seems to be infected, if I 
 may say so, with the habit of repeating words 
 twice or thrice, in the greater number of sen- 
 tences which he utters. An example will 
 show what I mean, and I shall take the one last 
 given : " As as I was as I ivas passing 
 Hyde Park corner my my horse my horse 
 stumbled, and nearly threw me." 
 
 Some may imagine that this is caricature, 
 but I venture to say, that if the reader observe 
 attentively, he may hear every day this 
 awkward- vulgarity, as bad as in the preceding 
 example, from persons who do not stutter. 
 The words " I" and " my/' are peril aps the 
 
AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 55 
 
 most frequently repeated of any other, as in 
 the example " I / i" intended to go ; but 
 my my my things did not arrive in time." 
 There can scarcely be a more awkward man- 
 ner of speaking than this, and I advise every 
 Englishman, who reads this, to attend to his 
 own speaking, and observe whether he has 
 contracted this vulgar habit ; and, if he has, to 
 correct it as speedily as he can. I wish, how- 
 ever, to be distinctly understood not to mean 
 in this case, a habit of stuttering ; for this is a 
 repetition of entire words, and not of letters 
 and syllables as stuttering usually is. It is so 
 very common also, that it is seldom, I believe, re- 
 marked by the speaker himself, though it must 
 always be disagreeably obvious to the hearer. 
 
 I shall here introduce a few appropriate re- 
 marks on this subject from Lord Chesterfield's 
 letters. " From your own observation/' says 
 he, " reflect what a disagreeable impression 
 an awkward manner of speaking, whether stut- 
 tering, muttering, monotony, or drawling, make 
 upon you at first sight, in a stranger, and how 
 they prejudice you against him, though, for 
 aught you know, he may have great intrinsic 
 sense and merit. And reflect on the other 
 hand, how much the opposites of all these 
 things prepossess you at first sight, in favour 
 
56 AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 
 
 of those who enjoy them. You wish to find all 
 good qualities in them, and are in some degree 
 disappointed if you do not. A thousand little 
 things, not separately to be defined, conspire to 
 form these graces that always please. A 
 pretty person, genteel motions, a proper degree 
 of dress, an harmonious voice, something open 
 and cheerful in the countenance, but without 
 laughing ; a distinct and properly varied man- 
 ner in speaking : all these things, and many 
 others, are necessary ingredients in the com- 
 position of the art of pleasing manners, which 
 every body feels, though nobody can describe. 
 " Many people, at first from awkwardness? 
 have got a very disagreeable and silly trick of 
 laughing whenever they speak ; and I know a 
 man of very good parts Mr. Waller, who can- 
 not say the commonest thing without laughing, 
 which makes those who do not know him, to 
 take him at first for a natural fool. This, and 
 many other disagreeable habits, are owing to 
 false shame at their first setting out in the 
 world. They are ashamed in company, and so 
 disconcerted, that they do not know what to 
 do, and try a thousand tricks to keep them- 
 selves in countenance ; which tricks afterwards 
 grow habitual to them. Some put their fingers 
 in their nose, others scratch their heads, others 
 
AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 57 
 
 twirl their hats ; in short, every awkward ill- 
 bred body has his trick. But the frequency 
 does not justify the thing; all these vulgar 
 habits and awkwardnesses, though not crimi- 
 nal, indeed, are most carefully to be guarded 
 against, as they are great bars in the way of 
 the art of pleasing ; if a man has parts, he must 
 know of what infinite consequence it is to him 
 to have a graceful manner of speaking, and a 
 genteel pleasing address ; and he will cultivate 
 and improve them to the utmost. 
 
 " What is the constant and just observation 
 to all actors upon the stage ? Is it not that those 
 who have the best sense always speak the best, 
 though they may not happen to have the best 
 voices? They will speak plainly, distinctly, and 
 with the proper emphasis, be their voices ever 
 so bad. Had Roscius spoken quick, thick, and 
 ungracefully, Cicero would not have thought 
 him worth the oration which he made in his 
 favour. Words were given to us to communi- 
 cate our ideas by ; and there must be something 
 inconceivably absurd, in such a manner, that 
 people either cannot understand them, or will 
 not desire to understand them. I tell you 
 truly and sincerely, that I shall judge of your 
 parts by your speaking gracefully or ungrace- 
 fully. If you have parts, you will never be at 
 
58 AWKWARD VULGARITIES. 
 
 rest till you have brought yourself to a habit 
 of speaking most gracefully ; for I aver, that it 
 is in your power. Desire some friend that you 
 may read aloud to him every day ; and that he 
 will interrupt and correct you every time that 
 you read too fast, do not observe the proper 
 stops, or lay a wrong emphasis. You will take 
 care to open your teeth when you speak ; to 
 articulate every word distinctly; and beg of 
 any friend you speak to, to remind and stop 
 you, if ever you fall into the rapid and unintel- 
 ligible mutter ; read aloud to yourself, and tune 
 your utterance to your own ear, and read at 
 first much slower than you need to do, in order 
 to correct yourself of shamefully speaking faster 
 than you ought. If you think right, you will 
 make it your business, your study, and your 
 pleasure to speak well. The graces of the per- 
 son, the countenance, and the way of speaking, 
 contribute so much to this art of pleasing, that 
 I am convinced the very same thing said by a 
 genteel person, in an engaging way, and grace- 
 fully and distinctly spoken, would please; 
 which would shock, if muttered out by an 
 awkward figure, with a sullen serious counte- 
 nance. The poets always represent Venus as 
 attended by the three Graces, to intimate that 
 even beauty will not do without. I think they 
 
SLOVENLY VULGARITIES. 59 
 
 should have given Minerva three also, for with- 
 out them, I am sure, learning is very unattrac- 
 tive. Invoke them, then, distinctly, to accom- 
 pany all your words and motions. Do not 
 mistake me ; I not only mean that you should 
 speak elegantly with regard to style, and 
 purity of language ; but I mean that you 
 should deliver and pronounce what you say 
 gracefully and distinctly ; for which purpose I 
 will have you frequently read very loud to a 
 friend, recite parts of orations, and speak pas- 
 sages of plays. For, without a graceful enun- 
 ciation, all your elegancy of style in speaking 
 will be of little avail." 
 
 After this luminous exposure of the evils of 
 awkward vulgarities in speaking, and the best 
 means to avoid or remedy them by the great 
 master of politeness, it will not be necessary for 
 me to add another word on the subject. 
 
 SLOVENLY VULGARITIES. 
 
 As some are very careful, pedantickly precise, 
 and affected in their speaking, so there are 
 others who adopt the opposite mode of a care- 
 less and slovenly indifference. This is most 
 observable in words which occur very fre- 
 quently in conversation, and is, indeed, the vul- 
 gar error of contraction carried to the extreme. 
 
60 SLOVENLY VULGARITIES. 
 
 We hear in this manner the word " yes" pro- 
 nounced with every shade of slovenly indis- 
 tinctness from the 's, or half-hiss, as it may 
 well be called, to the grating 'ns, pronounced 
 with the teeth shut, as if it were too much 
 trouble to open the mouth in speaking. One of 
 the worst forms of this vulgarity is peculiar to 
 Ireland, consisting of the French u, or the 
 Scotch u in " guse" before the s, as if written 
 'us, a sound which is extremely offensive to an 
 English ear. All these sounds of " yes" are 
 equally bad and vulgar with the broad sound 
 yds, which is by no means uncommon in Eng- 
 land. The word " no" cannot be mangled in 
 the same way ; but slovenly speakers will hang 
 upon the " n" in a drawling vulgar manner, as 
 if were written n-no. 
 
 Various sounds, altogether inexpressible by 
 letters, are used by slovenly speakers instead 
 of " yes." The only one of these which can be 
 made intelligible on paper is km or mm, a sound 
 which no well bred person will ever use in- 
 stead of yes, as it is, perhaps, even more vul- 
 gar than the slovenly custom of nodding or 
 shaking the head, without deigning to speak 
 at all. 
 
 Several words, in common use, which end in 
 " m" are mumbled in the same way, such as 
 
SLOVENLY VULGARITIES. 61 
 
 t( them/' which is sounded tlim, as in the 
 phrases, " I sent tJim to 'm," for " I sent them 
 to them ;" " she has none of th'm" for she has 
 none of them." The contraction of " madam" 
 into " ma'am", is still farther vulgarized by slo- 
 venly speakers, as if it were written mm. 
 
 Among other vulgar habits of slovenly 
 speakers, we may reckon the forgetting of 
 names, or rather the carelessness of remember- 
 ing them. You will hear vulgar people of this 
 class talk of Mr, Thingum, or Mrs. What d'ye- 
 call-her, or How-do-you-call-her, without giving 
 themselves the slightest trouble to recollect the 
 names for which they use such offensively vul- 
 gar substitutes. Others refine, as they ima- 
 gine, upon this, by using Mr. Thingumbob and 
 Mr. Thingumie, instead of the shorter vul- 
 garity Mr. Thingum; or any other strange 
 sounding word which they can invent. This 
 vulgarity is not confined to the names of per- 
 sons, but is employed in every other case. 
 Thus, a steam engine or a printing press will 
 be talked about as a thingumie, and a rail- 
 road or a patent lock as a what-d^ye-call-it. If 
 the memory of people is so very treacherous 
 and deficient that they cannot recollect names, 
 it would be much better either to avoid speak- 
 ing of them if possible, or to turn the sentence 
 
62 SLOVENLY VULGARITIES. 
 
 in such a manner as may allow of the name 
 being omitted. 
 
 A drawling indistinct manner of utterance 
 may also be reckoned among the slovenly vul- 
 garities, which ought to be carefully avoided 
 by the correct and polished speaker ; as it in- 
 dicates an indifference to those who are spoken 
 to, and this is directly contrary to all the rules 
 of polite behaviour and respect for society. 
 This, however, is not, I am glad to observe, so 
 common a fault as many of the others which I 
 have pointed out. 
 
 I must not omit to mention among the slo- 
 venly vulgarities, the habit of not listening at- 
 tentively to those who speak to you, in conse- 
 quence of which, you are forced to ask them to 
 repeat what they have been saying. In some 
 persons, this slovenly habit has become so con- 
 firmed that they cry out " what?" or " eh?" or 
 " sir?" to whatever is said to them, as if they 
 were deaf, though the fault lies wholly in their 
 slovenly habit of not listening. This habit of 
 making every body who speaks to them re- 
 peat their words twice or thrice over, is not 
 only vulgar, but extremely rude and insulting, 
 as every species of inattention cannot fail to 
 prove. This mode of causing a person to re- 
 peat what he has just been saying, is a different 
 
SLOVENLY VULGARITIES. 63 
 
 kind of vulgarity from that which I have repro- 
 bated in another place, of ending every sentence 
 with a vulgar ant it ? dorit it ? or some similar 
 expression ; for in that case an answer is sel- 
 dom expected, while the continual what ? or 
 sir ? or what do you say ? are not expected to 
 be answered. 
 
 To begin a story, Lord Chesterfield well re- 
 marks, when you are not perfect in it, and can- 
 not go through with it, but are probably forced 
 in the middle of your narrative to say, " I have 
 forgot the rest," is very slovenly and bungling ; 
 and it would have been much better if you had 
 not begun it, than exposed yourself and tanta- 
 lized your auditors. He adds, in conformity 
 with what I have above said, that the voice and 
 manner of speaking are not to be neglected : 
 some people almost shut their mouths when 
 they speak, and mutter and sputter so fast, that 
 they are not to be understood ; some always 
 speak aloud as if they were speaking to deaf 
 people, and others so low that one cannot hear 
 them. All these habits are awkward, slovenly, 
 and disagreeable, and are to be avoided by at- 
 tention. They are the distinguishing marks 
 of the vulgar who have had no care taken of 
 their education. 
 
 I shall mention only one other slovenly habit 
 
64 VULGAR BYE-WORDS 
 
 of speaking, which is so much the worse, that 
 it is frequently affected for the purpose of 
 showing off the independent indifference of 
 the speaker, who wishes it to be understood 
 that he is above the trouble of using all the 
 words employed by other people in expressing 
 himself. A person of this class, instead of 
 saying, " I intend going to Paris at the end of 
 the season, as the Winter is more gay there 
 than it is amidst the fogs of London ;" will say 
 in the style of slovenly affectation, " Intend 
 going to Paris end of season winter 
 more gay town monstrous foggy dull place 
 is * town ." a style of speaking derived most 
 probably from the nursery, and ought not to 
 be tolerated even in a child. I shall give ano- 
 ther brief instance of this : instead of saying 
 " I know the gentleman you mean ; I met him 
 in the steam-packet on Tuesday; he looks 
 hearty and thrives fast in the world;" the 
 slovenly speaker will say, " know gentleman 
 you mean met him in steam-packet Tues- 
 day looks hearty thrives fast in world" 
 
 VULGAR BYE-WORDS AND EXCLAMATIONS. 
 
 The writers of dramas and tales, the object 
 of which is to delineate the various characters 
 
 * See Page 48, above, under Awkward Vulgarities. 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 65 
 
 and classes of society, almost uniformly distin- 
 guish their low and vulgar personages by the 
 repetition of some favourite phrase or bye- 
 word ; and the reader may remark, that this 
 holds equally true in real life, as almost every 
 ill-bred, ill-educated person, has some favourite 
 word or expression, which is repeated on all 
 occasions whether it be appropriate or not, 
 in the same way as a parrot repeats the words 
 it has been taught, without either aim or mean- 
 ing. Every body laughs at Dominie Sampson, 
 in the tale, for continually exclaiming prodi- 
 gious ! but many of those who laugh are them- 
 selves guilty of vulgarities of a similar kind, 
 which, though they may not be aware of them, 
 are, for the most part obvious enough to others. 
 Some persons are fond of the words shocking! 
 impossible ! others of patience me! or my good- 
 ness ! others of gracious ! or indeed! or yes 
 indeed! all of which are exceedingly vulgar, as 
 every word is when made a bye-word and re- 
 peated on all occasions. Some of the dramatic 
 characters are ever repeating body o> me ! 
 or similar exclamations equally foolish, with 
 the Irish botheration! the English pesteraiion ! 
 and the Scotch sorrow be ortt! sorrow tak" 
 ye ! and sorrow-me-care ! 
 
 One class of those vulgar bye-words is usually 
 
66 VULGAR BYE-WORDS 
 
 commenced with the phrase, in the name of; 
 for example, in the name of all that's good ! in 
 the name of wonder ! in the name of fortune! 
 and a multitude of other names, all equally to 
 be avoided by the correct speaker as meaning- 
 less and vulgar. If you will take the trouble 
 to consider one of those bye-words, you will at 
 once see that it can have no possible significa- 
 tion. Take the phrase, " Why did you go 
 into such low company, in the name of all that's 
 gracious ?" and tell me whether this name 
 bye-word, as I may well call it 5 adds any thing 
 to the sentence except a clumsy vulgarity ? 
 
 Another very common and absurd bye-word, 
 used by ill-educated people, is never to men- 
 tion a sum of money simply, without adding 
 the vulgar preface to the tune of You will 
 thus be told that a banker has left his widow 
 something to the tune of 50,000Z. ; and " the 
 Chancery suit cost him to the tune of 5000/., 
 besides a cool hundred* or two in the King's 
 Bench." It is scarcely possible to conceive 
 how this jargon could ever be introduced, or 
 ever become so common as it now is; it is 
 something near akin to slang, as we shall after- 
 wards see. All bye-words, indeed, are a species 
 
 * Whv not a " warm hundred" as well ? 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 67 
 
 of slang ; for example, pester me ! but I'll do 
 it. I'll be soused if I dorit ! Every expression 
 of this kind bears the strong stamp of vulgarity. 
 Exclamations of O my! O la ! La, ma'am ! 
 Alack- a-day ! lack-a-daisy ! Is it possi- 
 ble? You do not say so? Figs and fiddle- 
 sticks ! and hundreds of a similar description 
 are no less vulgar than common among the 
 half educated classes. I may also mention pooh ! 
 pooh! pish! pshaw! which the grammarians 
 call interjections, or li words thrown in," as 
 being seldom heard in polite conversation. At 
 the same time, that I denounce those as for the 
 most part vulgar, I must also say, that it is 
 chiefly when they are very frequently repeat- 
 ed ; for occasions may occur when some of 
 them may be used with propriety. As a proof 
 that such exclamations are low and undigni- 
 fied, it may be stated that they are seldom, if 
 ever, found in elegant composition, or in works 
 on history, but are confined to plays, novels 
 and other light productions. 
 
 I have taken notice in a preceding page of 
 the affected repetition of the words vast, mighty, 
 immense, and a few others which may be con- 
 sidered vulgar bye-words, as well as the words 
 monstrous, pretty, and confounded, when repeat- 
 ed in the same way without meaning ; as in the 
 
 F 
 
68 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 phrases, monstrous good, confounded bad, pretty 
 fair, confounded ugly, pretty much, monstrous 
 little. In the same way the very lowest of the 
 people use the abominable word " bloody," al- 
 most every time they speak. Examples of the 
 use of which would be too repulsive to be intro- 
 duced here with propriety. Indeed I would 
 scarcely have ventured to mention this hate- 
 ful word (which never can be used, I hope, by 
 any body who reads this work) had it not been 
 to show the analogy between its use and that 
 of bye-words which get into better society, 
 though they have a vulgar character. The 
 words wretched and miserably are sometimes 
 used in the same way, as wretched small, miser- 
 ably little, &c. 
 
 The words curious, wonderful, singular, 
 strange, queer, aud odd, are also very common- 
 ly bandied about where they have no business, 
 being produced either in form of solitary ex- 
 clamations, or as words ready to be applied to 
 all things congruous or incongruous ; as in the 
 instances, " well, that is wonderful! it is curi- 
 ous, I never thought of it ! but he is a strange 
 man, and his wife is no less a queer woman ; 
 odd enough to be sure ! but yet it is singular 
 they should have done this." " How curious 
 I feel after that queer accident !" 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 69 
 
 " Important," and " great," are bye-words 
 which naturally follow to be considered after 
 those I have just discarded from good com- 
 pany. For example, a person who has fixed 
 upon these as favourite bye-words, will ex- 
 claim, i( that is great ! a most important dis- 
 covery, certainly ! the very great importance 
 of it must be self evident. It is important in- 
 deed to all ; and again and again I say, it is 
 great /" " I have no great opinion of his 
 abilities." 
 
 The words " odious," and " precious," will 
 follow the same rule as those I have been pro- 
 scribing ; for example, " You odious creature, 
 how could you bring here that precious friend 
 of yours ? A rare couple, you are, I know." 
 Then there is that odious Mr. A. and the pre- 
 cious Mrs. B., they will be the death o'me !" 
 
 " Famous" is a favourite bye-word with many, 
 and is vulgarly introduced, like others of the 
 same class, in the most incongruous manner. 
 Thus, you may hear of " a famous good din- 
 ner," though nobody ever heard of it except the 
 speaker. In the same way the word is hack- 
 nied by applying it to many things which 
 neither have nor can have any " fame ;" the 
 only circumstance that renders anything " fa- 
 mous." The word " real," is another of the 
 F 2 
 
70 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 as same vulgar class, " real good;" " real ex- 
 cettent" This is a very low expression, as well 
 as capital ! " A capital good one," or " a real 
 capital good one" which you may often hear 
 said by vulgar people. 
 
 The vulgar are in the universal habit of 
 continually using such expressions as / know ; 
 in all my life; in my born days; that 
 beats Harry ; that beats the globe ; / never 
 heard of such a thing, Sfc. To bring in expres- 
 sions of this kind on all occasions, is the very 
 height of vulgarity in speaking. For example, 
 " I wont go, I know ;" " I never heard of such 
 a thing in my life, I know; it beats George 
 hollow/' " 'Fore George ! it's shocking, I know ; 
 it beats all" If you wish to speak well and 
 correctly, all such phrases must be carefully 
 avoided. The expression " I know/' is by no 
 means vulgar, however, when properly intro- 
 duced at the beginning of a sentence : it is 
 only so, when constantly repeated at the end 
 of sentences, and without meaning, as in the 
 examples just given. As this phrase " I know," 
 is a vulgar bye-word at the end, on the same 
 principle the phrase " I see," is vulgar at the be- 
 ginning of sentences, or when often repeated by 
 itself. This bye-word, I see, however, is extreme- 
 ly common with many, particularly in Ireland. 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 71 
 
 The word " however/' in the last sentence, 
 puts me in mind, that though it is a very good, 
 and polite word of itself, it is often vulgarly 
 applied at the end of sentences, where it ought 
 never to appear ; and it is worthy of remark, 
 that it cannot, in elegant speaking, either begin 
 or end a sentence, but ought to stand near the 
 beginning. I shall not, however, when standing 
 first in a sentence, designate it as vulgar, though 
 inelegant, but confine my reprobation to the 
 word when used as a bye-word, at the end of 
 a sentence ; for example, " I shall not agree to 
 that proposal, however " " He intends to post 
 to London with all speed, however " " That 
 is certainly a very singular and wonderful cir- 
 cumstance, however" All these " howevers,'' 
 in this bye-word manner of using them, 
 are unquestionably as vulgar as they are com- 
 mon, particularly in England. May be so, and 
 it may so, are expressions very similarly abused 
 by the vulgar. 
 
 Many words and expressions similar to 
 " however," " I see," and " I know," which 
 are in themselves correct, and excellent when 
 properly employed, become extremely vulgar 
 as bye-words continually repeated. I may 
 instance as examples of my meaning, the 
 phrases " I think ;" " I should think ;" " I sup- 
 
72 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 pose ff " I should like to know ;" " I should be 
 glad to know;" " In my opinion;" i( In my 
 mind, &c." The last of these (in my mind) is 
 the worst, and although the polished Lord 
 Chesterfield repeats it in almost every page of 
 his writings, I hesitate not to say it is an un- 
 polished, and scarcely correct expression in 
 itself, but when repeated as a bye-word on 
 every occasion, as his Lordship employs it, 
 there can be no question that it is vulgar. 
 The mimic satirist, Mathews, might with as 
 great effect expose the vulgarity of these very 
 common bye-words, as he has done in his ex- 
 quisite caricature of another vulgar bye-word 
 and all that sort of thing, which common 
 expression is ungrammatical, as well as vulgar. 
 The phrases just mentioned as bye-words, 
 however, I think ; I should think ; I suppose; 
 I should like to know; I should be glad to 
 know ; I should not wonder ; In my opinion ; 
 &c. are not in the same circumstances, but are 
 grammatically correct, and only become vulgar 
 by continual repetition. 
 
 When they are brought in at the end of 
 sentences by way of finish, they come under 
 the head of vulgar awkwardness, and are simi- 
 lar to many of those formerly stated. We 
 laugh at our American brethren of the United 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 73 
 
 States, for continually repeating, I guess, and 
 / calculate; but we never reflect that our own 
 phrases, / should think so, and In my mind, 
 with many others, are no less unmeaning and 
 vulgar when introduced in the same way. For 
 example, " The mail is not yet arrived, / think ; 
 in consequence of the heavy roads, I suppose ; 
 and it will be at least, / should think, half an 
 hour later to-day. I should be glad to know why 
 they do not attend to the. repairing of the roads, 
 which, in my mind, are disgraceful to the 
 country; that is my opinion." Any person 
 whose conversation is interlarded, almost every 
 time he speaks, with such phrases, may be as- 
 sured that he can never, while he continues in 
 this habit, speak with elegance or politeness. 
 If we translate this into vulgar American, we 
 shall, perhaps, see its absurdity more striking- 
 ly : (l The steamer is not yet arrived, / guess, 
 in consequence of some accident, I calculate :" 
 and so of the other phrases. 
 
 The wor d " perhaps," may be remarked as 
 one of the same vulgar bye-words, particularly 
 when employed to close a sentence, as in the ex- 
 ample, " He may not be willing to comply, per- 
 haps ;" " I will not be able to undertake it, per- 
 haps" In all similar cases, the word " perhaps" 
 should stand first not last in the sentence. 
 
74 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 Another common and vulgar bye-word is, at 
 all, employed in every sort of meaningless way, 
 and is the successor of the old word withal, 
 which was vulgarly employed in the same man- 
 ner, about a century or more ago, and is occa- 
 sionally still used by those who affect an 
 antiquated stile. As instances of these two 
 vulgarities, I may give the following exam- 
 ples : " You cannot succeed in that scheme at 
 all, you may be certain ;" " I never heard 
 any thing of what you have mentioned, at all " 
 " With respect to the circumstances in ques- 
 tion, he would say nothing at all ;" '* I have 
 done extremely little withal /' " I think he has 
 not done much good withal" 
 
 For the world, and in the world, are fa- 
 vourite vulgar bye-words with many, and like 
 most others of the same class, have seldom any 
 meaning in the way in which they are em- 
 ployed. "I would not do that/or the world;" 
 " Nothing in the world could induce me ;" 
 " I have no objections not the least in the 
 world.'"' There are no doubt worse vulgarities 
 than these ; but when they are made constant 
 bye-words, as the phrases in question usually 
 are, we cannot hesitate to proscribe them from 
 polished and correct speaking. 
 
 In the north of England more particularly, 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 75 
 
 though it occurs sometimes in other districts, 
 the word Nay! is repeated on all occasions, 
 and consequently is often used without meaning, 
 in the same way as indeed, and yes indeed, 
 become vulgar bye-words, by tiresome reitera- 
 tion. In Ireland, they are not contented with 
 one " indeed," but use two, as in the phrase, 
 indeed and indeed now. The following, is an 
 example of some of these : 
 
 Mr. A. " Indeed, and indeed now, you must 
 accompany me, however?' 
 
 Mr. B. " Nay ! I intended to go " 
 
 Mr. A. " Indeed! it is the best thing you can 
 do, in my mind." 
 
 Mr. B. " Nay ! I am convinced of it from 
 what Mr. C. told me." 
 
 Mr. A. " Yes indeed ! his reasons could not 
 be withstood, Tm sure." 
 
 Mr. B. "Nay! I never dreamed of opposing 
 them, J did'nt." 
 
 I have introduced in the preceding example 
 the expression " I'm sure," which every reader 
 will immediately recognize as a bye-word, that 
 consequently ought to be banished from polite 
 speaking, except on rarer occasions when it 
 may be sparingly admitted. Like the other 
 phrases, the merits of which I have just 
 been discussing, " I'm sure," becomes vulgar 
 
76 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 chiefly from continued repetition. Like simi- 
 lar expressions also, it becomes much worse 
 at the close of a sentence, than at the be- 
 ginning, and is much akin to, / know and 
 you know, or I see, I think, &c. For example, 
 " Nobody understands that so well as you, Tm 
 sure ;" " The case is not in point, Tm sure;" 
 " It is rather a singular instance, you must know, 
 and I do not remember any thing like it, Tm 
 sure ;" " Well, as I was saying, he called upon 
 Mr. A. you know, and it was a curious inter- 
 view, to be sure." This last phrase "to be 
 sure/' is in such instances altogether without 
 meaning, and decidedly vulgar. The phrase 
 when contracted, as it often is, into 'sure is still 
 worse ; as " he is ready now, sure ; and will use 
 all despatch to arrive in time, for he has much 
 at stake, sure" This is a very common Irish 
 vulgarity, and is also occasionally heard in 
 England. Surely, is a kindred word, that is 
 likewise misapplied as a bye-word by the vul- 
 gar, as in the phrase, " That will never succeed, 
 surely; for it seems to be impossible I know;" 
 Ci Surely, surely ! it is a mad scheme alto- 
 gether/' 
 
 The phrase " As I was saying," reminds me of 
 the very common vulgar bye-words, says I, 
 and says he, which are now confined, if I do 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 
 
 77 
 
 not mistake, to the lower ranks of society, and 
 when they at any time get into better company, 
 they are usually transformed into said I, and 
 said he, though these also bear the character 
 of vulgarity, when reiterated. The expression 
 says I, besides its vulgarity, is not grammatical, 
 upon a principle which I shall show when I 
 come to treat of ungrammatical expressions. 
 Every body must have remarked the offensive- 
 ly stunning repetition of these expressions in 
 the conversation of the lowest vulgar, and I need 
 scarcely enjoin any of my readers to avoid 
 their use. 
 
 Among other common bye-words (and I 
 wish it to be recollected that all bye-words are 
 vulgar) I cannot pass by really, certainly, and 
 undoubtedly, which though they are all goodj 
 legitimate, and polite words when kept in their 
 proper places, become degraded and vulgar, 
 when incessantly reiterated as bye-words. 
 Lady Morgan in one of her tales, caricatures 
 the first of these with considerable humour, by 
 introducing one of her characters, who every 
 time he speaks, says " really now ! and " oh ! 
 really now, 'pon honour /" When the word, 
 " really," is introduced as a question, which is 
 as common a vulgarity in Ireland, as ant it> 
 and ddnt it, are in England ; it is equally re- 
 
78 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 prehensible with the more universal use of it, 
 at the close of a sentence. For example, " I 
 do not think so, really /" fl You must endea- 
 vour to procure that for me, as I cannot do 
 without it, really /" In the same way the 
 words, " certainly/' and " undoubtedly," are 
 very often abused. As affirmations, more 
 emphatic and pointed than a simple " yes," 
 these two words may be correctly employed, 
 but never in any case ought they to be intro- 
 duced at the close of a sentence, as in the ex- 
 amples, " he intends to be a candidate, certain- 
 ly /' " I shall try to give you all the assist- 
 ance in my power, undoubtedly " For certain, 
 is a similar but more vulgar phrase, as " he is 
 off, for certain, and will not return again / 
 know." This phrase, " for certain," is an in- 
 correct and ungrammatical abridgement of 
 " for a certainty," which is a harsh and stiff 
 expression, and ought to be avoided, though it 
 is correct in. a grammatical point of view. 
 
 I dare say, or as it is contracted in some 
 parts of England, / d'r say, and in Scotland 
 A dar* say, or without the " I" dare say," is an 
 extremely common bye-word, and like all such 
 is frequently destitute of meaning. It is some- 
 times varied, for the purpose of greater effect, 
 by Til be bound to say, or / venture to affirm, 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 79 
 
 which though very good and correct expres- 
 sions in themselves, must often be ranked with 
 vulgar bye-words, or with vulgar egotisms. 
 " There will be no occasion for my assistance, 
 I dare say ;" "he has arrived long ago, I dare 
 
 say " " it is impossible, / will venture to 
 affirm." 
 
 The expression, " upon the whole," is only 
 correct when not employed, as it most fre- 
 quently is, in the form of a meaningless bye- 
 word. " I have no great opinion of him, upon 
 the whole; " I am quite resolved not to do it, 
 upon the whole;" "yet, upon the whole, it ap- 
 pears very singular, that he should have gone 
 off in that kind of way too." This expression 
 " in that kind of way," it will be remarked, is 
 of the same class with " all that sort of thing," 
 formerly reprobated. 
 
 I could never understand the genuine mean- 
 ing of the vulgar bye-word, for good and all, 
 or as it is so often abridged, for good. I can 
 understand well enough ?' they intend to go 
 to-morrow for good" to mean that they in- 
 tend to go entirely or altogether, for custom 
 has thus determined this signification to 
 be the usual meaning ; yet the words " for 
 good" do not appear to bear it out ; and un- 
 less this expression, " for good" he considered 
 
80 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 to be a fragment of " for good, or for evil ; 
 for better or for worse/' we must be contented 
 to remain ignorant of its import and origin. 
 If this be its source then it would appear, 
 that, originally, it was not quite so unintelligible 
 as it is in its present vulgar form. 
 
 The introduction of words which are of no 
 use in explaining the thoughts of the speaker, 
 must be considered out of place, incorrect, and 
 consequently vulgar. Of this I shall give two 
 examples of bye-words, that I am sorry to re- 
 mark are rather common, being useless intro- 
 ductions of the words ' matter," and " any," 
 which are otherwise, I need scarcely say, very 
 good words. The expressions to which I ob- 
 ject as vulgar are subject-matter, and any the 
 least. The first was pointed out many years 
 ago by Dr. Armstrong, the poet, in his essays, 
 and at present it is seldom used, I believe, ex- 
 cept by lawyers ; but so long as the word 
 " subject," is sufficiently expressive alone, there 
 can be no use for idly adding to it the word 
 matter. 
 
 On the same principle any the least is use- 
 lessly redundant, as" the least/' without " any" 
 is sufficiently expressive, not to mention that 
 the phrase objected to is ungrammaticaL If 
 it were wished to render it emphatic, the 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 81 
 
 proper expression would be " any even the 
 least." 
 
 Apropos, a French phrase which originally 
 means " to the purpose" is a common bye- 
 word with many people, so much so, that it 
 may now be considered as naturalized in Eng- 
 land; yet, as Lord Chesterfield well remarks, 
 it is commonly used to introduce any other 
 subject than that which is to the pur- 
 pose. For example, if you are talking about 
 the Park, though you give no hint about the 
 statue, a vulgar person will interrupt you by 
 saying " apropos of statues what think you 
 of the statue at Hyde Park corner," and if you, 
 out of good nature, reply to the imperti- 
 nent question, and give your reasons for think- 
 ing it Roman, and not Grecian, he will 
 again catch at the word " Grecian," and say 
 " Apropos of the Greeks, how is this deuced 
 war of theirs likely to end ?" and without 
 even waiting for your answer will probably 
 run on " talking of war, I think the South 
 Americans are very inferior in that important 
 art *." The phrase talking of, or speaking of 
 and two other vulgarisms " by the bye" and 
 '' by the way" which are thus employed in the 
 
 * Sec pages 52, 53 above. 
 
8, 
 
 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 very same manner as " apropos," to bring in 
 something not to the purpose, are vulgarisms 
 which ought always to be avoided, were it for 
 nothing more than a polite feeling of courtesy 
 towards the person thus interrupted. 
 
 A very common and vulgar English bye- 
 word is, " / knoiv no more than the dead where 
 he is ;" or " I cannot tell what to say no more 
 than the dead." This vulgarism might perhaps 
 have been arranged under the chapter of com- 
 parisons, but I thought it would be more pro- 
 minent here, and its universal occurrence 
 makes it of moment to impress it upon the at- 
 tention of the reader. In other parts of the 
 country, a similar phrase is exemplified in the 
 expression, " I am as ignorant of it as the child 
 that was born yesterday ;" or " he is as igno- 
 rant of it as a new born babe" 
 
 The phrase to death is often employed as a 
 vulgar bye-word, as in the expression, "I am 
 teased to death * " I am vexed to death ;* " I 
 am bored* to death" "lam worried to death;" 
 " I was squeezed to death at the theatre to- 
 night," and hundreds of other instances of the 
 same kind, It is an illustration of the principle 
 of exaggerating, the extensive influence of which 
 will appear as w r e proceed. 
 
 * See Slang Vulgarities below. 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 83 
 
 The " eyes" appear to be very unfortunate in 
 getting so frequently into bad company, as 
 every body must have remarked the lowest 
 vagabonds saying, " ah! that's all my eye'' 
 or " that's all my eye and Betty Martin ;" a 
 very few also of the more respectable classes, 
 though far from being in the first ranks for 
 politeness and education, foolishly try to soften 
 down a very offensive vulgar phrase by saying, 
 " dang my eyes," or sometimes blast my eyes ! 
 though this supposed improvement is scarcely 
 a shade better than the original expression, 
 and will always mark those who use it as 
 coarse, vulgar, ill-bred, and uneducated, as well 
 as wicked ; it is of the same class with the 
 sailors' phrase Cl split my timbers" meaning 
 " limbs." 
 
 Another vulgar bye-word is " all alive and 
 kicking," the very sound of which is indicative 
 of low-bred phraseology. The word " all,'' 
 indeed, enters very generally into vulgar ex- 
 pressions, from the "all's right;" of the hack- 
 ney-coachman to the " not for all the universe," 
 of his employer. 
 
 Expressions of contempt are apt to become 
 hackneyed bye-words, and usually contain or 
 imply some contemptuous comparison ; for ex- 
 ample, " I do not care a pinch of sniff ;" " I do 
 
 G 
 
84 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 not care that [snapping the fingers] for him;" 
 " he does not value it a button ;" " I would not 
 give a fig for him ;\ " that is dog cheap ;" " it 
 is what I call, as cheap as dirt " " this is not 
 worth a pin s head" " or not worth twopence " 
 " I care not a custard forit :" " It does not matter 
 a single straw " It cost some matter of an old 
 song " " It does not signify a rushy " I shall 
 put that in at a mere song ; " it is not worth a 
 spittle f" " I care not a whit ," " I'll not give 
 one fraction more, not a single groat * not so 
 much as the black before my nail." This last 
 expression is not only vulgar from being a bye- 
 word, but is rude from its allusion to the un- 
 cleanly habit of not brushing and washing the 
 nails, which is as insufferable among the better 
 ranks of society, as unwashed hands or un- 
 combed hair. Vulgarity of expression (it may 
 be inferred from this,) follows close upon dirty 
 habits and low company. 
 
 It is equally rude and vulgar, as Chesterfield 
 well remarks, to support every trifling assertion 
 with a bet or a wager, as " Til bet you fifty to 
 one of it " " I would not mind betting a crown to 
 a shilling that it is so ;" " /'// lay you any 
 wager that you are mistaken ;" " A thousand to 
 
 * Lord Chesterfield says " not one single groat-" but it is 
 certainly vulgar. 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 85 
 
 one ! he will never arrive ;" " Fll take you a 
 rump and dozen of that " " I'll take any bet 
 that I am in the right ;" H What will you lay 
 upon that point ?'' and so on. The spirit of 
 these expressions is as bad as the form ; for 
 they are always meant as direct and triumphant 
 contradictions, and are consequently no less 
 rude, unpolite, and ill-bred, than to say, " that 
 must be false sir ;' " I know you are wrong ," 
 " that cant be true, I know ,*" * If what you say 
 be true, you may call me rascal" 
 
 This last expression reminds me of a whole 
 class of vulgarities, in the form of bye-words, 
 in which " call" usually occupies a prominent 
 place. For example, a vulgar man will say, " If 
 it is not so, call me coward ;" or, u I give you 
 leave to call me knave, if you do not find I am 
 in the right ;" " he says you may call him jack- 
 ass, if he do not attend to the order ;" " it is 
 true, upon my honour, call me cuckold else" 
 This seems to be the origin of the exclamatory 
 vulgar bye-word, " Cuckold me ! but I shall be 
 revenged of* him." 
 
 Another vulgarity of this class is marked by 
 the phrase, is the word, introduced to accom- 
 pany some other hackneyed expression, as in 
 
 * See English Provincial Vulgarities. 
 
86 VULGAR BYE-WORDS. 
 
 the example of a person enjoining secrecy, 
 who will say "snug! is the word ;" or "mum! is 
 the wordy This is borrowed most probably 
 from the military custom of appointing a pass- 
 word, and like all other professional phrases 
 which make their way into common conversa- 
 tion, is out of place and vulgar. The affecta- 
 tion of military, naval, and other phraseology 
 of this kind, will come to be considered more 
 at length under the head of Pedantic Vul- 
 garities. I may make the same reference to 
 details, which will be there introduced of 
 vulgar bye-words taken from other languages, 
 such as pro bono publico, bond fide, in statu 
 quo, nolens volens, ne plus ultra, &c. from the 
 Latin ; con amore, &c. from the Italian; and 
 sans ceremonie, Je ne sqais quoi, au fait, &c. 
 from the French. Many of these are pointed, 
 expressive, and intrinsically excellent ; but 
 when turned into English bye-words, and used 
 as they often are, by those who are ignorant 
 of their meaning, there can be no doubt of their 
 decided vulgarity. 
 
 I shall conclude this long chapter, which 
 might have been easily extended, by a quota- 
 tion with a few slight alterations from a recent 
 publication of talent and merit" The Reve- 
 lations of the Dead Alive/' upon the incor- 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 
 
 87 
 
 rectness and absurdity of some bye-words, and 
 hackneyed expressions not noticed above. 
 
 I cannot well contemplate any thing more 
 unmeaning and absurd, than the variety of un- 
 intelligible parts in the language of the present 
 day. As, for instance, " How do you do ?" 
 Shut your eyes, call home your powers of think- 
 ing, forget that you had ever heard this sentence 
 before and what idea does it convey to your 
 mind ? " What do you do ?" would be intelli- 
 gible, though a barbarous tautology ; but " how- 
 do-yoxi-do" do what ? It is sheer nonsense * ! 
 The French " How do you carry yourself?" in- 
 tended to express the same polite anxiety, is, if 
 possible, more ridiculous. 
 
 " I found myself" in a desart, a forest, here 
 or there, or any where, is no less common and 
 absurd. To find, is to discover something 
 which you had never possessed before, or 
 which you had once possessed, and afterwards 
 lost. It can be taken in no other sense. And 
 may I not ask, how a grown man shall pick 
 himself up for the first time, or after a week's 
 
 * Lord Chesterfield has the same remark, " when he 
 says," for instance, " How do you do," is absolute nonsense, 
 but is used by every body. What is the state of your health 
 for there are a thousand expressions of this kind in every 
 language." Letters, No. 104. 
 
88 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 absence ? This reminds me of the parallel sen- 
 tence: ci I lost myself in a forest" If identity 
 be rather the mind than the matter of a man, 
 he might lose himself in a forest, by being de- 
 voured by a wild beast, or having his throat 
 cut by robbers ; and in such a case, his body 
 (he) might subtly be said to lose its spirit 
 (itself); but how body and mind shall part by 
 walking together in any given direction, or how 
 he could lose himself, by only turning to the 
 right or the left is indeed a puzzle. 
 
 Again, our neighbours, the French, apply 
 their (" Je me trouvois,") I found myself, in 
 a still more extraordinary way. A gentleman 
 who has been telling you he made an ap- 
 pointment with a friend, adds, (" Je me trou- 
 vois") I found myself at the place agreed 
 upon. Our absurd meaning for the phrase is 
 limited to, " I entered or visited the place for 
 the first time, or by chance ;" but the French- 
 man knew the place well ; he had recon- 
 noitred it often ; yet he says, " he found him- 
 self there," as if by the merest accident. 
 
 I was vexed with an acquaintance the other 
 day, for a mis-statement of my motives, which 
 he had made to others. I charged him with 
 the fact, and he attempted to explain. The 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 
 
 89 
 
 explanation did not at all satisfy me, and yet I 
 detected myself muttering through my teeth, 
 f( no matter" But it was matter. The obvious 
 contradiction between my words and my thoughts 
 instantly struck me as very strange. I had 
 said the opposite of what I felt, and, indeed, 
 intended to say. t But the phrase is used, in- 
 differently, to denote what it means, and what 
 it does not mean. " No matter" will serve for 
 all occasions and characters: for the expres- 
 sion of contrary emotions, and no emotion at 
 all. In the depths of despair, a ruined man 
 will say, " I am done up no mattery A wait- 
 ing-maid asks her lady which gown, scarf, or 
 ribbon, she will wear ; and the lady answers, No 
 matter. A gentleman in a crowd accidentally 
 treads on your corn: after his polite apo- 
 logy, you try to simper out, No matter. Ano- 
 ther hustles you in the street, and you still say, 
 No matter. This is extremely inconsistent and 
 absurd. 
 
 ** Let me alone" is only used to express a 
 wish that some one or other would have the 
 goodness not to continue tormenting you ; but 
 in this forced application the sentence is signi- 
 ficant of no idea ; nor, of itself, does it contain 
 any, except a preposterous one. Obviously, it 
 does not make the request intended by the 
 
90 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 speaker ; that is, he does not thereby wish for 
 a solitude ; and the sole request that a man can 
 strictly urge by it, is, " to be let" in a particu- 
 lar manner, like a house or farm. If an unso- 
 cial or misanthropic cottage or meadow could 
 speak, either might say to its landlord, " let 
 me alone f that is, apart and distinct from your 
 other cottages or meadows. 
 
 " Mr. A. enjoys good health ;" or, " Mr< B r 
 enjoys bad health" Pleasure is enjoyed; pain 
 is suffered; good health is pleasure; bad 
 health is pain: assuredly, therefore, good 
 health is enjoyed, and bad health suffered. 
 Yet it is said " Alderman C. or Alderman D. 
 enjoys bad health," such as " Gout in the 
 stomach." Now, I can easily conceive that he 
 enjoyed the good things which conferred gout ; 
 the venison, the turtle, the dessert, the deli- 
 cious wines ; but an effect is not always so 
 pleasant as a cause ; and we may affirm that 
 the gout in the stomach is, perhaps, the only 
 enjoyment that one Alderman does not envy 
 another. 
 
 A man is said to be " taken up" for debt, or 
 treason, or any species of statute crime. Taken 
 he may be ; but what shall we say of the " up f 
 It is only a chance that his prison-chamber may 
 be up, instead of down ; that is, elevated above 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 
 
 91 
 
 the street, on which he was taken, instead of 
 being sunk below it. If his crime be murder, 
 or any other of a heinous stamp, he must be 
 content with the lowest dungeon the jail can 
 afford; and when settled in it, he must cer- 
 tainly be taken down, and not up. Fancy him 
 brought to a lock-up house, and secured in the 
 strong barred room on the first floor, while his 
 guard sits over his head, on the second floor. 
 One of them would easily say, " he is locked 
 up at last/' Where is he locked up ? " Down 
 stairs" This is also inconsistent. 
 
 " Sit down" is a plain, good phrase. The 
 body is lowered by sitting down. Indeed, " sit'* 
 would, of itself, express all we mean ; and it 
 often does so. " Sit, cousin Percy." But, 
 " sit up" is a solecism as ridiculous as ever was 
 committed in language. If "sit" possesses 
 alone all the force of " sit down " " up" also 
 possesses alone the whole force of " sit up :" 
 so that when we use this phrase, we actually 
 say, " Be good enough to sit and stand at one 
 and the same moment." 
 
 We have words and phrases that, by them- 
 selves, mean contraries, when opposed to each 
 other, though, in union with other words, they 
 mean the same things. Thus " in short at 
 lengthy" are opposite expressions; yet, " in 
 
02 VULGAR BYE-WORDS, 
 
 short he went to bed," and " at length, he went 
 to bed," propose the same action. Height is 
 the very contrary of depth ; yet " the height of 
 despair," and the depth of despair," convey 
 precisely the same notions. 
 
 I think the reader will find it useful to see 
 the vulgarities of this chapter, together with a 
 few others which have not been discussed at 
 length, arranged in the following 
 
 TABLE 
 
 OF VULGAR BYE-WORDS AND EXCLAMATIONS. 
 
 He has caught a Tartar. 
 
 It stands to reason. 
 
 To raise the wind (to procure money.) 
 
 To box Harry (to shift for money.) 
 
 To sow wild oats. (to act prodigally.) 
 
 Not by any chance. 
 
 More by token. 
 
 At all events, that is a God-send. 
 
 You are in for it, hollow. 
 
 For the matter of that. 
 
 In short, it is no matter. 
 
 Aufait Sans ceremonie. 
 
 Bona fide In statu quo. 
 
 Mum, is the word. 
 
 Upon my honour ; call me coward else. 
 
 I'll bet you fifty of it. 
 
 I'll lay you any wager. 
 
AND EXCLAMATIONS. 93 
 
 Will you bet a thousand on him ? 
 
 Not one single groat. 
 
 Not a fraction. 
 
 That's what I call dog cheap. 
 
 It does not matter a rush. 
 
 Not worth a pin's head or a straw. 
 
 I care not a pinch of snuff. 
 
 Some matter of a cheese-paring or an old song. 
 
 I do not value it a button, or a fig. 
 
 I do not care a custard. 
 
 Not for the universe. 
 
 All alive and kicking. 
 
 All my eye and Betty Martin. 
 
 She is no chicken. 
 
 It is no matter. 
 
 Ignorant as a new-born babe. 
 
 I know no more than the dead. 
 
 Talking of that, by the bye 
 
 Apropos speaking of that 
 
 Any, the least. 
 
 Subject-jnatter. 
 
 Gone for good. 
 
 In that kind of way. 
 
 I dare say, or I'll be bound to say. 
 
 Upon the whole it is no great shakes. [This is 
 
 very vulgar.] 
 For certain or really now. 
 I know. [At the end of a sentence.] 
 / see / think I'm sure to be sure. 
 You know you must know. 
 
94 VULGAR BYE-WORDSy 
 
 Says I says he. 
 
 Nay indeed yes indeed however. 
 
 Sure or sure enough perhaps. 
 
 Nothing in the world. 
 
 In my mind or to my thinking. 
 
 I should think /suppose. 
 
 I should be glad to know. 
 
 I should not wonder. 
 
 All that sort of thing. 
 
 I should think so. 
 
 I guess I calculate. [American.] 
 
 At all Withal. 
 
 May be so or may be. 
 
 It beats Harry or beats all. 
 
 I never heard of such a thing. 
 
 'Fore George it's shocking! 
 
 In all my life or in my born days. 
 
 Wretched small miserably little. 
 
 A swingeing good sum. 
 
 Monstrous little. 
 
 Vastly small or immensely trifling. 
 
 Omy! [Irish.] 
 
 Figs and Fiddlesticks! 
 
 Pester me ! or Pesteration ! 
 
 Is it possible ? you do not say so ? 
 
 To the tune of 50,000/. 
 
 That picture was a fifty pounder. [Cost fifty 
 pounds.] 
 
 Singular ! shocking ! curious ! 
 
 Famous ! capital ! odious ! precious I 
 
VULGARITY OF SWEARING, &C. 95 
 
 That is great. [Irish.] 
 
 It will be the death o' me. 
 
 He lost a cool hundred in a trice. 
 
 In the name of wonder of fortune of all that's 
 
 gracious J 
 Goodness ! or gracious me ! 
 Bother me ' or botheration ! [Irish.] 
 Sorrow tak" 1 me. [Scotch.] 
 
 VULGARITY OF SWEARING AND IMPRECATION. 
 
 The Scriptures say, " swear not at all ;" but in 
 open defiance of this precept, swearing was at 
 one time reckoned fashionable, and nobody 
 who had any pretensions to consequence, spoke 
 without oaths and other coarse and offensive 
 expressions. This time is happily no more, 
 and swearing is now banished from all polished 
 society, and confined to the lowest of the vul- 
 gar. Into the causes of this great and won- 
 derful change, I shall not inquire ; but of the 
 fact there can be no doubt, and every day is 
 diminishing the pernicious habit, which is at 
 present extremely rare among the well-educa- 
 ted classes, and is only to be heard from the 
 profane lips of some hoary disciple of the 
 fashions of the last age. Although, however, 
 what may be called gross swearing has almost 
 disappeared from good society, many minor 
 
96 VULGARITY OF SWEARING, &C. 
 
 oaths, and offensive expressions maintain their 
 ground, unshaken by the reformed taste of the 
 day, of which I shall give a few examples. 
 
 I must premise that, under swearing, I com- 
 prehend only such phrases, as are introduced 
 with the words " by," or " upon," and all other 
 phrases, which are usually considered as swear- 
 ing, but want the words " by/' or " upon," I 
 shall denominate offensive expressions. 
 
 As examples of minor or mincing oaths, as 
 they are sometimes called, I may mention by 
 the law! which is extremely common in the 
 South of Ireland, so much so, as to become in 
 many instances quite ludicrous. It is clearly, 
 in the first instance, derived from a contraction 
 of the word " Lord," and as such is very re- 
 prehensible. I prove the derivation by a 
 common vulgar addition to it, in the phrase 
 " by the la' Harry P or " by the lord Harry /" 
 which must stand in the same scale of vulgarity, 
 as by George ! and by Jingo ! and I need not 
 say that nobody above the rank of a porter, 
 or a carman would now think of using either of 
 these. By Gemini t and O Gemini! are similar. 
 
 One of those oaths, which has lingered 
 longest in the politer circles is by heavens ! but 
 even that is fast losing ground, and I have no 
 doubt, that in a short time it will only be found 
 in the pages of a play, or a novel. This i 
 
AND IMPRECATION. 97 
 
 one of those oaths, which are expressly for- 
 bidden in the Scriptures: " Swear not at all, 
 neither by the heaven, for it is God's throne, nor 
 by the earth, for it is his foot-stool." Fre- 
 quently the " by" is left out, and the exclama- 
 tion heavens ! or good heavens ! remains as a 
 strong indication of the speaker's vulgarity, or 
 what is much the same, his speaking without 
 knowing what he says ; for in such exclama- 
 tions there is not a glimpse of sense or mean- 
 ing, no more than in the usual exclamation, Good 
 God ! The only oath which I can recollect of 
 lately meeting with, in circles that have any 
 pretension to fashion, is by Jove! an old 
 heathenish oath, which like the ancient Roman 
 oaths " by Hercules' and " by Jupiter" are 
 sometimes picked up at classical schools, or at 
 the Universities. " By my stars /" more usually 
 contracted " my stars /" is a vulgarism derived 
 from Astrology ; " by the powers /" is another. 
 Queen Elizabeth, with all her pretensions to 
 sanctity and religion, scrupled not to disgrace 
 herself by a habit of swearing, which hence 
 became fashionable at court, and spread rapid- 
 ly as court fashions always do, through the 
 country. The oaths employed by her Majesty 
 were very coarse, and offensive to modern 
 ears those in most favour with her were God's 
 wounds, and God's blood. As these became 
 
98 VULGARITY OF SWEARING, 
 
 fashionable, the lazy habit of slovenly speaking, 
 soon contracted them into s* blood and 'swounds, 
 or 'zounds ; expressions, which are still to be 
 met with in plays and novels ; the first some- 
 times with the addition of " thunder," as 'sblood 
 and thunder/ or without the " s" Blood and 
 thunder ! S' death ! is another vulgarity of the 
 same class. 
 
 I have no doubt that Egad, and 'gad, which 
 are still very common in Ireland, though now 
 nearly obsolete in England, are derived from 
 some old expression, by a similar contraction ; 
 as well as those most unmeaning, and very 
 vulgar exclamations, Gadzoolters ! Odzookers ! 
 Zooks ! Ods bodikins ! Ods my life I and many 
 others, which formerly disgraced our language, 
 but have now happily almost disappeared. 
 
 Whether the vulgar word Deuce is derived 
 from the Greek word " Zeus/' or the Latin 
 word " Deus," which both mean " Jupiter," 
 or from the number two, which is so called, 
 in games of chance, I cannot tell; but it is 
 most certain that it is commonly employed in 
 conversation in a very unmeaning way. " What 
 the deuce is this ?" for example, expresses .no 
 more than "what is this t" and wherefore then, 
 it may well be asked, is deuce employed ? In 
 most of these phrases, it would appear to be in- 
 tended as a polite substitute for the coarser 
 
AND IMPRECATION. 99 
 
 but not more vulgar word Devil, as in the 
 phrases " the deuce is in it f } "go to the deuce;* 
 " deuce take me/" and perhaps even in the first 
 example, " what the deuce .'" This vulgarity is 
 sometimes varied by the singularly unmeaning 
 phrase, " what the dickens f* 
 
 From these expressions or minced oaths 
 have arisen two very vulgar bye-words, intro- 
 duced in a similar manner with " prodigious," 
 "vast," and others above noticed ; I mean the 
 offensive words deuced and devilish, as in the 
 very common vulgar phrases " a deuced fine 
 horse ;" " a devilish pretty girl ;" " a deuced 
 hard case ;" " devilish ill-luck," &c. From the 
 same source we have the vulgar bye-words 
 He's the very devil /' " It will play the deuce 
 with the whole concern ;" " That circumstance 
 has played the devil with them /' " It will play 
 the very dickens with them " These expres- 
 sions require only to be put on paper to de- 
 monstrate their gross vulgarity. Even Lord 
 Chesterfield, however, could say and write, 
 " Where the devil did he pick up that ?" 
 
 Those, and many other expressions, which 
 it is unnecessary, and would be improper to 
 exemplify, are all what may be called minced 
 oaths, or swearing by contraction, in order to 
 skreen its glaring coarseness and vulgarity, not 
 
 H 
 
100 VULGARITY OF SWEARING, 
 
 to mention it, as a crime of the deepest dye in 
 a religious point of view. I shall next consider 
 a few examples of what may be considered 
 another class of oaths, in which the word "on" 
 or " upon" is used instead of " by/' 
 
 The two most common oaths of this class 
 are, upon my word, and 'pon honour ; or by 
 way of greater force of expression, upon my 
 word and honour. As these expressions are 
 far from being so offensive as several of those 
 which I have formerly exemplified, many 
 readers may think that I am refining too much 
 in discarding them; but upon the principle 
 that all repeated bye-words are vulgar, the 
 vulgarity of the phrases in question must be 
 established beyond appeal. If I dared for a 
 moment to compare a sacred injunction with a 
 law of politeness, I would say that such ex- 
 pressions must be prohibited both by the 
 Scripture precept M swear not at all," and by 
 the code of polite conversation " never use a 
 bye-word/' There is another point of view 
 in which we may consider the oath3 " upon 
 my word," and " upon my honour ;" they add 
 no force to a speaker's assertion, but the con- 
 trary, like the fruitman's call of cherries, " full 
 weight !" for it is a maxim well known in the 
 world, that nobody backs an assertion with an 
 
AND IMPRECATION. 101 
 
 oath, unless he is aware that it is not very 
 tenable. Besides, it is in a certain degree con- 
 fessing to the possibility of uttering a falsehood, 
 when it is thought necessary to enforce it with 
 such an asseveration, as " upon my word and 
 honour it is true ;" and nobody would hazard, 
 after a moment's reflection, to give cause for 
 such a suspicion. 
 
 " If a man," says Chesterfield, " uses strong 
 protestations or oaths, to make you believe a 
 thing, which is of itself so likely and probable, 
 that the bare saying of it would be sufficient, 
 depend upon it he lies, and is highly interested 
 in making you believe it, or else he would not 
 take so much pains/' 
 
 These remarks apply to all oaths and em- 
 phatic asseverations, but particularly to those 
 two expressions just considered, and are less 
 applicable to the phrases, upon my conscience ; 
 or the contracted exclamation, conscience ! and 
 upon my life, or upon my soul, which are much 
 more coarse, offensive, and vulgar, not to say 
 impious. These are more of the nature of 
 exclamations than oaths, and from the very 
 air and tone of the speakers who use them, 
 we may easily infer that they are much more 
 seldom employed as asseverations of the truth 
 of what is said, though unmeaning vulgar 
 h 2 
 
102 
 
 VULGARITY OF SWEARING, 
 
 bye-words, interlarded in their conversation, 
 to fill up a sentence for lack of better, and 
 more polished expressions. The phrase, " upon 
 my conscience/' has sometimes, particularly 
 in Ireland, the addition of upon my faith; or 
 both are contracted into the vulgar exclama- 
 tion, Faith and Conscience! This is varied 
 by the vulgar word troth, a corruption of 
 " truth," as in the Irish phrase, faith and troth ! 
 and sometimes we meet with in troth and in 
 faith, or ifaith, and also a most vulgar cor- 
 ruption of this, of which Lord Chesterfield 
 has taken notice in the expression ifackings. 
 The expression n In good sooth," 1 is another 
 instance in point. 
 
 The word " as," frequently introduces a 
 form of expression, that has all the air of an 
 oath, but it seldom sounds so very* harsh as 
 the preceding instances, though it is unques- 
 tionably vulgar. For example, a person will 
 say " all I have told you is true, as I am a 
 Christian/' or will assert, " as I am a living 
 man, I saw it with my own eyes ;" or in a still 
 stronger form, " as sure as God is in heaven, 
 what I tell you is true ;" or perhaps " as sure 
 as death ;" or u as true as you now stand there" 
 Numberless forms are current of this sort of 
 petty swearing, if it may be called so, but 
 
AND IMPRECATION. 
 
 103 
 
 under every variation, I hesitate not to pro- 
 nounce it vulgar, and it is frequently impious 
 and wicked. 
 
 Imprecations, and impious prayers are no 
 less wicked (while they are even grosser in 
 vulgarity,) than swearing. These often con- 
 stitute, it pains me to say, more than a third 
 part of the low conversation of seamen, carmen, 
 and beggars. A beggar, and more particu- 
 larly if a native of Ireland, will shower down 
 a multitude of prayers or of imprecations 
 upon you according to the humour of the 
 moment. If you are liberal in your charity 
 it will be : God bless your good heart ; or may 
 all the blessings of heaven follow you;" or " / 
 pray God, in heaven, to bless and reward 
 you. " On the contrary, should your charity 
 be withheld, you may expect cursing instead 
 of blessings, and imprecations instead of 
 prayers : instances of the latter, would be no 
 less unnecessary than improper. 
 
 A few pages back, I gave two instances of 
 vulgar imprecation one very common, the 
 other confined chiefly to seamen. Numerous 
 other examples might easily be furnished ; but 
 it will only be requisite here, in accordance 
 with the plan of this work, to exemplify such as 
 from being not quite so glaring, are more apt 
 
104 
 
 VULGARITY OF PROVERBS, 
 
 to creep insidiously into good company, and 
 produce a bad impression of those who may 
 not be aware of their error. The first in- 
 stance of this kind which occurs to me is 
 the vulgar phrase, " out upon him for a slan- 
 derer !" "I do not believe it, souse me if I 
 do" This " out upon him," or " out upon 
 it," is both unmeaning, and sounds awkward- 
 ly ; and the word souse is scarcely a grade 
 better than blast. Another common vulgar 
 imprecation, is " hang it," sometimes varied 
 " dang it," and frequently, " hang me" or 
 still more vulgarly, n choice me /" 
 
 Some foolish persons task their ingenuity 
 to invent new oaths and imprecations, or to 
 vary those which are common, by way of 
 supposed embellishment. Should this page 
 meet the eye of any of those who are so far 
 misled, I beg leave to assure them, that leav- 
 ing religion and common decency altogether 
 out of consideration they can only by such 
 conduct acquire the character of vulgar, a 
 distinction to which few, I am persuaded, 
 would willingly aspire. 
 Vulgarity of Proverbs and Proverbial 
 Expressions. 
 
 A good proverb, well introduced, may some- 
 times appear elegant, and give to a sentence a 
 
AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. 105 
 
 very brilliant or pretty turn ; but though this 
 may occasionally happen, it is rare and seldom 
 that proverbs and wise sayings are thus happily 
 brought in, while it is extremely common to 
 hear them repeated, like the words which have 
 been discarded in the preceding pages, in 
 tiresome sameness and meaningless vulgarity. 
 Even in the days of Chesterfield, they were con- 
 fined to the lowest ranks, and nobody above a 
 housemaid or a footman spoke in proverbs. 
 
 This turn of fashion, however much it may 
 be reprobated by those who take a pleasure in 
 the study of proverbial wisdom and proverbial 
 wit, has maintained its ground longer, per~ 
 haps, than ever any fashion did before; for 
 now it is certain that proverbs are no less, and 
 they may be more, vulgar in polite conversation, 
 than they were in the days of Chesterfield. 
 To stem this tide of fashion, Mr. Fielding, a 
 recent collector of proverbs, has opposed as a 
 barrier, their momentous influence on the 
 affairs of life, and what is perhaps of more 
 value in the argument the fact of their hav- 
 ing been once in high fashion among the 
 courtiers at several splendid periods of history. 
 
 " By the operation," says this author, " of 
 some absurd impression, proverbs have for a 
 long time been kept in the back ground in 
 
106 VULGARITY OF PROVERBS, 
 
 fashionable society. Lord Chesterfield said, 
 1 a man of fashion has never recourse to pro- 
 verbs and vulgar aphorisms/ and they appear 
 to have withered away under the ban of his 
 anathema. But it is yielding too much to a 
 name, to proscribe the most valuable treasure 
 that has been transmitted by former ages, to 
 the dictum of a courtier. Men of fashion, 
 in the days of Elizabeth, James, and Charles, 
 had recourse to proverbs and aphorisms ; and 
 in the splendid court of Louis XIV., the illus- 
 trations of popular adages formed the subject 
 of dramatic entertainments; so far then, as 
 fashion can confer authority, we are justified 
 from the example of these periods, in their use : 
 but it may be demonstrated, that no other 
 species of knowledge has such an influence on 
 the affairs of life on the conduct of indivi- 
 duals, and the history of nations. I will cite a 
 few examples, for the purpose of illustration 
 of proverbs that have been the most influential 
 in society, and which are constantly at work, 
 either for great good, or great evil. 
 " What the eye sees not, the heart feels not," 
 How many men and women too, have been 
 determined in a guilty course, from this simple 
 sentence. Again, there is another saying, 
 which has contributed not a little to people 
 
AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. 107 
 
 the world, and is a far more formidable anta- 
 gonist of the doctrines of Malthus, than either 
 Cobbett or Godwin. 
 
 " God never sends mouths without meat" 
 It has been the misfortune of many to find the 
 contrary of this ; but it still forms a cardinal 
 point in the creed of the labouring classes, and 
 I am sure it has been my fate, many hundred 
 times, to hear it repeated by fruitful dames 
 and laugh at its absurdity. 
 
 " Mortui non mordent/' 
 The dead do not bite. 
 
 This fatal truth has sealed the doom of many 
 an unhappy wretch, by determining the last re- 
 solve of the traitor, burglar, and assassin. We 
 cannot look into the annals of crime, or the 
 page of history, without meeting with examples 
 of the deadly application of this proverb. It was 
 applied by Stewart against the Earl of Morton, 
 in Scotland, and subsequently to the Earl of 
 Stratford and to Archbishop Laud, in Eng- 
 land*/' The author might have added, that the 
 same proverb was applied either by Elizabeth, or 
 some of her blood-thirsty counsellors, to the 
 beautiful and unfortunate JMary Queen of Scots. 
 
 We may grant all this, however, and more to 
 Mr. Fielding, and yet maintain with consist- 
 * Fielding's select Proverbs. Introduction. 
 
108 VULGARITY OF PROVERBS, 
 
 ency, that it is vulgar to hackney proverbs in 
 conversation ; and we conclude with D'Israeli, 
 that though proverbs embrace the wide sphere 
 of human existence take all the colours of 
 life are often exquisite strokes of genius, de- 
 lighting us by their airy sarcasm or their caus- 
 tic satire, by their luxuriance of the humour, the 
 playfulness of their turn, and even by the ele- 
 gance of their imagery and tenderness of senti- 
 ment ; and though they give a deep insight into 
 domestic life, and open for us the heart of man 
 in all the various states he may occupy, and ought 
 therefore to enter frequently into our reading 
 as treasures of thought ; yet proverbs have 
 
 CEASED TO BE THEORNAMENTS OF CONVERSATION. 
 
 Proverbs, and proverbial expressions, are 
 precisely similar to bye-words in respect to the 
 vulgarity of reiterating or hunting after them in 
 conversation ; but I must allow them to be, in 
 general, much superior in point of meaning, and 
 I readily confess the influence which many of 
 them have occasionally had upon my own mind. 
 For example 
 
 He who does his best, will often do more*. 
 
 * Burns gives it thus 
 
 Faint heart ne'er won lady fair, 
 But him that does the best, he cau 
 Will whiles do mair. 
 
AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. 109 
 
 A sleeping fox catches no chickens. 
 
 Never venture, never gain 
 
 Honey catches more flies than vinegar. 
 
 The more haste, the worse speed. 
 
 Experience keeps a dear school, but it is the 
 
 best. 
 Hope is a good breakfast, but a bad supper. 
 Good bargains are pick pockets. 
 Out oj debt, out of danger. 
 To believe a thing impossible, is the way to make 
 
 it so. 
 
 All these, and hundreds which might be 
 enumerated, are maxims drawn from expe- 
 rience ; and there is no other objection to their 
 use in conversation, than that it will always have 
 the mark of vulgarity stampt upon it, and can 
 never be accounted elegant or polished. Let 
 those then use proverbial expressions who care 
 not for the graces of elegance and polite- 
 ness and who would rather be distinguished 
 for low wit and waggery, than for the accom- 
 plishments of good society ; but whoever 
 wishes to avoid the language of the uneducated 
 and the unpolished, must entirely give up the 
 use of proverbs. Notwithstanding, indeed, 
 what Mr. Fielding has said of proverbs being 
 formerly fashionable in polite courts, we are of 
 opinion, that in their very nature they have an 
 
110 VULGARITY OF PROVERBS, 
 
 air of vulgarity. So thought the inimitable 
 author of Don Quixote, when he made his 
 hero speak in the lofty, though caricatured 
 style of chivalric romance, and characterized 
 his attendant, Sancho, by his proverbial 
 speeches. It is the very same now ; for who" 
 ever speaks in proverbs, will always be ranked 
 with the vulgar. 
 
 I hesitate to give a long enumeration of pro- 
 verbs, in order to point out their vulgarity the 
 more strongly and effectually ; but it may no* 
 be unnecessary to give a few by way of ex- 
 ample. These I shall not select from the very 
 coarse and gross proverbs, which are only heard 
 among the lowest ranks of society ; but chiefly 
 from the little volume of Mr. Fielding, who pre- 
 tends to have gleaned only what seemed " worthy 
 of modern taste and refinement." Again, I 
 must repeat, that many of these may be well 
 adapted for private reading and study, but are 
 no less vulgar in polite conversation, than talk- 
 ing of abstruse Algebra, or of the Arabic lan- 
 guage is pedantic. 
 
 TABLE OF VULGAR PROVERBS. 
 
 A drowning man will catch at a straw. 
 Affairs, like salt fish, ought to be a good while a 
 soaking. 
 
AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. Ill 
 
 A hand saw is a good thing, but not to shave with. 
 
 A mad bull is not to be tied with pack-thread. 
 
 A little pot is soon hot. 
 
 All is not gold that glitters. 
 
 A miss is as good as a mile. 
 
 A new broom sweeps clean. 
 
 A rolling stone gathers no moss. 
 
 A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. 
 
 As good be out of the world, as out of the fashion. 
 
 Beggars must not be choosers. 
 
 Daughters and dead fish are not keeping ware. 
 
 Either a man or a mouse. 
 
 Every tub must stand on its own bottom. 
 
 Every dog has his day. 
 
 Fine feathers make fine birds. 
 
 Give a dog an ill name, and he^ll soon be hanged. 
 
 Out of the frying pan into the fire. 
 
 Too many irons in the fire some of them may 
 cool. 
 
 If wishes would bide, beggars would ride* 
 
 If the sky falls , we shall catch larks. 
 
 If you cannot bite, never show your teeth. 
 
 Vll not buy a pig in a poke. 
 
 It is good fishing in troubled waters. 
 
 It is a long lane that has no turning. 
 
 Look not a gift horse in the mouth. 
 
 Love me, love my dog. 
 
 Many a good cow has a bad calf. 
 
 Neither fish, nor flesh, nor good red herring. 
 
 No man cries stinking fish. 
 
112 VULGARITY OF PROVERBS, 
 
 Oil and truth will get uppermost at last. 
 
 One scabbed sheep infects the whole flock. 
 
 Patience is a plaster for all sores. 
 
 Pigs love that lie together. 
 
 Plain dealing is dead, and died ivithout issue. 
 
 Pour not water on a drowned mouse. 
 
 Set a beggar on horse-back, and heHl ride to the 
 devil. 
 
 Sharp stomachs make short graces. 
 
 What will not make a pot, may make a pot-lid. 
 
 The frying-pan said to the kettle, avaunt, black- 
 bones ! 
 
 The worst pig often gets the best pear. 
 
 The proof of the pudding is in the eating. 
 
 The better day, the better deed. 
 
 The crow thinks her own bird the whitest. 
 
 The burnt child dreads the fire. 
 
 There is something in it, quoth the fellow, when he 
 drank dish- clout and all. 
 
 There's reason in the roasting of eggs. 
 
 Though the cat winks, she is not blind. 
 
 Wanton kittens, may make sober cats. 
 
 Well lathered, is half shaven. 
 
 Welcome death, quoth the rat, when the trap fell. 
 
 What is got over the deviVs back, is spent under 
 his belly. 
 
 All cats are grey in the dark. 
 
 When the shoulder of mutton is going, it is good to 
 take a slice. 
 
 When the fox preaches, beware of your geese. 
 
AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. 113 
 
 Who can help sickness ? quoth the drunken wife, 
 when she fell into the gutter. 
 
 Wishes will never fill the sack. 
 
 Aching teeth are ill tenants. 
 
 You cannot make velvet of a sow's ear. 
 
 You have found a mare's nest, and laugh at the eggs. 
 
 You cannot have more of the cat than the skin. 
 
 Hell is paved with good intentions. 
 
 Reynard is Reynard still, though he put on a 
 surplice. 
 
 Scandal will rub out, like dirt when it is dry. 
 
 Steal a pig, and give the trotters for God's sake. 
 
 King's chaff, is worth other men's corn. 
 
 The king's cheese goes half away in parings. 
 
 The mob is a many headed monster, but has no 
 brains. 
 
 Wars bring scars. 
 
 A hog upon trust, grunts till he is paid for. 
 
 A stitch in time, saves nine. 
 
 A wager is a fooVs argument. 
 
 Care will kill a cat, but there is no living with- 
 out it. 
 
 Crows are never the whiter for washing themselves. 
 
 Dirt is dirtiest upon clean white linen. 
 
 Enough is as good as a feast. 
 
 Fancy may bolt bran, and think it flour. 
 
 He knows not a hawk from a hand-saw. 
 
 He lights his candle at both ends. 
 
 He knows on which side his bread is buttered. 
 
 It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright. 
 
1 14 VULGARITY OF PROVERBS, 
 
 Keep something for a sore foot. 
 Make hay while the sun shi?ies. 
 Never lose a hog for a halfpenny worth of tar. 
 Poverty makes a man acquainted with strange bed- 
 fellows. 
 Fair words, butter no parsnips. 
 When the pig is proffered, hold up the poke. 
 He gazed at the moon, and fell in the gutter. 
 Your trumpeter is dead, so you sound yourself 
 A barren sow was never good to pigs. 
 It is a good horse that never stumbles, 
 A nay say, is half a grant. 
 The bitch, that I mean, is not a dog. 
 Three women and a goose make a market. 
 Children and chickens are always picking. 
 Hungry dogs will eat dirty puddings. 
 All goes down gutter lane. 
 Grantham gruel, nine grits and a gallon of water. 
 
 Such are a fair specimen of the proverbs, 
 which Mr. Fielding thinks worthy of the taste 
 and refinement of modern times. Many others 
 might have been selected from his pages much 
 more vulgar, coarse, and even grossly indecent 
 than these. I am convinced, that nobody who 
 glances over the few which I have. enumerated, 
 will have the least doubt of their vulgarity, or 
 think that they can form any ornament in con- 
 versation, except among common porters or 
 draymen. To have extended the preceding 
 
AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. 115 
 
 table, would have been useless in a work like 
 the present. Those who wish to see a more 
 copious catalogue will find it in 1 Mr. Fielding's 
 little book, though I must say that in its pre- 
 sent unweeded state, it is very unfit for the 
 perusal of young people : with a little pruning, 
 it might be rendered so. 
 
 It occurs to me, that all the useful knowledge 
 which is embodied in proverbs, might, with a 
 very little trouble, be stripped of the quaint 
 and vulgar language in which it is expressed, 
 and translated into polite and correct English. 
 The coarse and vulgar ideas of pigs, hogs, 
 dirt, and dunghills, can make no part of the 
 wisdom which is so much lauded ; but which, 
 in its present form, must offend the taste of 
 every polite and well educated mind. In Mr. 
 Fielding's book, there are many proverbs which 
 have been thus translated with great advan- 
 tage, though he has spoiled others, particularly 
 the Scots ones, from not understanding them. 
 I would recommend it, therefore, to all who are 
 fond of studying proverbs, to avoid quoting 
 them in conversation, though they may, with 
 great advantage, give the spirit of them in cor- 
 rect language, divested of quaintness, slang, 
 and vulgarity. 
 
 In the chapter on bye-words, I have already 
 
116 VULGARITY OF PROVERBS, 
 
 noticed several of those expressions which may 
 be called proverbial, and are similar in point of 
 vulgarity to the wise sayings of our forefathers, 
 which I have now been examining, There are 
 many words and expressions of this class, how- 
 ever, which I have thought will be more con- 
 veniently arranged under the present division. 
 I do not intend to give all the local and pro- 
 vincial examples of this kind, which might 
 easily be collected, but which are frequently 
 changing according to the lapse of time and 
 the occurrence of events. It will be sufficient 
 for my purpose to select a few of the more 
 common, and leave it to the good sense of the 
 reader to discover and avoid, in conversation, 
 the proverbial expressions of the town or the 
 district where he happens to reside. 
 
 TABLE OF VULGAR PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. 
 
 
 
 It fits to a T. 
 
 A blot in his escutcheon. 
 
 He's in clover. (In easy circumstances.) 
 
 A curtain lecture. 
 
 A pretty kettle offish. 
 
 A Welch cousin. 
 
 Cream pot love. (Such as young fellows pretend 
 
 to dairy-maids, to get cream and other good 
 
 things from them.) 
 
AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. H7 
 
 A clinker, as the man said who drove a nail in the 
 
 moon. 
 To give one the go-by. 
 A good fellow lights his candle at both ends. 
 He has given him the bye-ball. 
 To look like an owl in an ivy bush. 
 To find a mare's nest. 
 His brains are a wool-gathering. 
 To come in pudding time. 
 To make a mountain of a, mole hill. 
 Not a straw to draw between them. 
 To nourish a viper in one's bosom. 
 To pay one in one's own coin. 
 To run a wild goose chace, \ 
 
 To seek a needle in a bottle of hay. 
 To leave no stone unturned. 
 They are hand and glove. 
 To take the wrong sow by the ear. 
 The grey mare is the better horse. 
 Touch pot, touch penny. 
 To pocket an injury. 
 Of all tame beasts, I hate sluts. 
 Veal will be cheap, calves fall. 
 Water bewitched. (Small beer.) 
 That zoas laid on with a trowel. (A great lie.) 
 To lay it on thick. (Said of flattery.) 
 To bear away the bell. 
 To wash a blackamoor white, 
 To come bluely off. 
 He is true blue, and will never stain. 
 I 2 
 
118 VULGARITY OF PROVERBS, 
 
 To outrun the constable. 
 
 There is a bone for you to pick. 
 
 His bread is buttered on both sides. 
 
 A chip of the old block. 
 
 To carry coals to Newcastle. 
 
 To burn day-light. 
 
 To work for a dead horse. 
 
 To play the dog in the manger, not eat yourself 
 
 nor let another eat. 
 A dog's life, hunger and ease. 
 To dine with Duke Humphry. 
 To eat the calf in the cow's belly. 
 Fair play is a jewel, don't pull my hair. 
 He pins his faith on another man's sleeve. 
 All is fish that comes in the net, 
 1 have other fish to fry. 
 ' Tis a folly to fret, grief is no comfort. 
 Go farther and fare worse. 
 He cannot say bo to a goose. 
 You halt before you are lame. 
 All bring grist to your mill. 
 To live from hand to mouth. 
 To harp upon the same string. 
 Too hasty to be a Parish clerk. 
 Hobsons choice. 
 By hook, or by crook. 
 
 You measure every one's corn by your own bushel. 
 I can see as far into a millstone as another man. 
 To rip up old sores. 
 He is put to bed with a shovel. (Dead.) 
 
AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. 119 
 
 To rob Peter to pay Paul. 
 
 To have rods in pickle for one. 
 
 To make one a stalking horse. 
 
 He is up to trap. 
 
 Fll trust him no further than I can fling him. 
 
 To kill two birds with one stone. 
 
 To have two strings to one^s bow. 
 
 You cannot see wood for trees. 
 
 She wears the breeches. 
 
 The cream of the jest. 
 
 " The same again," quoth Mark of Belgrave. 
 
 Weaver s beef. (Sprats, or herrings.) 
 
 A Cornish hug. 
 
 French leave. 
 
 A Scarborough warning. (A surprise.) 
 
 To leave one not a leg to stand upon. 
 
 Spick and span new. 
 
 Brent new. (Quite new.) 
 
 To curry favour, and dance attendance. 
 
 To pick a hole in one's coat. 
 
 A mote in your marriage. 
 
 Tell that to the marines, the sailors wo'nt be- 
 lieve it. 
 
 A touch of the Bishop. (Said of what is singed 
 or scorched.) 
 
 These must be considered only as a small 
 specimen indiscriminately arranged but they 
 will be sufficient, I think, to make my readers 
 careful in avoiding all expressions of a similar 
 
120 VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 
 
 character, with the phrases in the table- 
 otherwise they can never speak with that 
 polite elegance and purity of language which 
 mark out the well-bred, and the well-educated. 
 It would be an easy task, I am aware, to en- 
 deavour, as Mr. Fielding has done, to defend 
 the use of proverbs, by displaying their 
 wisdom and their usefulness ; but when we 
 come to try them by the laws of elegance 
 and politeness, and observe that they are only 
 in use as ornaments of conversation among the 
 lower and uneducated orders of the people, 
 we cannot sanction their introduction into the 
 conversation of the well educated and polished 
 ranks of society.. 
 
 The rule is then Never use a proverb, nor 
 a proverbial expression, in polite conversation ; 
 for these, though they may be smart, wise, or 
 humorous, are no less vulgar than bye-words 
 and cant. 
 
 VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 
 
 Were I to commence this chapter with the 
 hackneyed proverb, that " comparisons are 
 odious" I should commit a gross breach of the 
 rules which I have just laid down. I shall there- 
 fore begin with a new version of it, and say that 
 u comparisons are vulgar," at least those which 
 
VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 121 
 
 I shall endeavour to exemplify ; for good com- 
 parisons well introduced, as I have already said 
 of proverbs, are among the highest beauties of 
 elegant and polite language, and constitute a 
 principal charm of both poetical and rhetorical 
 style. The comparisons which I consider vul- 
 gar, consist of common, trite, and meaningless 
 phrases, very similar in character to the bye- 
 words and the proverbs already discussed. 
 
 Some persons have acquired the vulgar 
 habit of seldom or never speaking without back- 
 ing their assertions by trite comparisons, in 
 the same way as those who have a habit of 
 swearing do with oaths. The one habit is equally 
 vulgar with the other, though, in some respects, 
 it is not so reprehensible. A few examples will 
 illustrate my meaning to those readers who 
 may not at first comprehend the full signification 
 of comparisons as indicating vulgarity of lan- 
 guage. 
 
 Instead, for instance, of saying a person is 
 foolish, the man of comparisons will say, as 
 mad as a March hare; or, instead of saying in 
 plain language, that a portrait is like or unlike 
 the person who sat for it, a vulgar speaker 
 will say, it is as like as two peas ; or as unlike 
 as chalk and cheese ; and that every body who 
 looks at it will see as plain as a pike staff; or as 
 
122 VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 
 
 the nose on your face ; that he is right, like the 
 man who wandered in the snow but found him- 
 self pat at his own chimney corner. If you 
 ask a person, who delights to string compari- 
 sons in this manner how he likes his patron 
 or employer, Lord A , he will say " Ah, I 
 must take care what I say of him as wary as 
 a blind horse, is the word? you understand met 
 but under the rose, between ourselves, do you 
 see me ; I like him as a cat likes mustard, or as 
 the devil likes holy water ; for he is so niggardly 
 that he keeps me as hungry as a church mouse; 
 and if I ask him for a trifle, he looks as grave 
 as an old gate post, and as cold as charity ; 
 and though the old hunks is as rich as Croesus 
 he swears * that he is as poor as Job ; so you 
 see I am just like the tailor who worked for no- 
 thing, and found thread!' 
 
 These examples, however, are superior in 
 point and meaning, to many which you may 
 hear every day employed by the vulgar, and 
 rather than forego the awkward trick, for it 
 deserves no better name, the comparison fre- 
 quently ends in something very different from 
 what the speaker originally intended. For 
 example, i( The race was a first rate one ; 
 the Duke's colt flew like the very wind; 
 
 * It is no less vulgar than false to use the word " swears," 
 for " says" or " asserts," as is so frequently done. 
 
VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 
 
 123 
 
 Dash bolted past him, like like you have no 
 idea" I recollect a person who had acquired 
 this vulgar habit of making comparisons every 
 time he spoke, attempted at table to describe 
 the battle of Waterloo ; and by way of a grand 
 finish, he said, " the fields were streaming 
 with blood, and the air was dark with smoke 5 
 for the artillery were thundering like thunder, 
 and the bullets were flying like any thing !" 
 This comparison like any thing, is no less 
 common, than it is vulgar and meaningless; 
 for it is unnecessary to say, that it can in no 
 case whatever apply as a comparison. As 
 salt, as salt's self; or as vain, as vanity itself, 
 are expressions of the same kind. 
 
 Lord Chesterfield very justly remarks^ that 
 such expressions are an indication of a bad 
 education, and of having kept low company. 
 Archbishop Laud, though in high reputation 
 and a distinguished dignitary, injured his in- 
 fluence at Court by introducing a vulgar com- 
 parison in the star-chamber, saying, that " a 
 man entered the church as a tinker and his 
 hitch do an alehouse.'' Chesterfield remarks 
 also, that the conversation of a low-bred man 
 is filled with such trite and vulgar sayings ; 
 for example, instead of observing that " tastes 
 are different, and that most men have one pe- 
 
124 VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 
 
 culiar to themselves/' such a person will say, 
 " every one to their liking, as the old woman 
 said, when she kissed her cow; for, as the 
 proverb has it, what is one mans meat is 
 another man's poison." Having thus pointed 
 out the nature of this class of vulgarities, it 
 will only be necessary to subjoin a short table 
 with a few more examples, in order to im- 
 press it more strongly on the reader's mind. 
 
 TABLE OF VULGAR COMPARISONS. 
 
 As grey as a grannum's cat. 
 
 As musty as my grandfather 's wig. 
 
 Waddling like a duck. 
 
 As ugly as sin. 
 
 As high as a church steeple. 
 
 As lazy as Ludlams dog, that rested his head on 
 
 the wall to hark- 
 As hare as a bodkin. 
 As hungry as a hawk. 
 As dead as Adam. 
 
 As dead as king Henry the Eighth. 
 
 As merry as a cricket. 
 
 As drunk as Blesus. 
 
 As fat as a Michaelmas goose. 
 
 As red as fire. 
 
 As green as grass. 
 
 As white as the driven snow. 
 
 As nice as a Nuns hen. 
 
VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 125 
 
 As giddy as a goose, 
 
 As deep as the devil. 
 
 As white as a ghost. 
 
 As dark' as pitch. 
 
 Jumping, like a cock at a gooseberry. 
 
 Hanging his ears like a drowned rat. 
 
 As old as Methuselah. 
 
 As secret as the grave. 
 
 As weak as water. 
 
 As fine as fi' pence. 
 
 As deaf as a door post. 
 
 Like grim death. 
 
 As dumb as a dead man. 
 
 As brisk as a bee in a tar pot. 
 
 Running like a lamplighter. 
 
 Strutting like a cock on a dunghill. 
 
 Standing like a crow in a gutter. 
 
 As black as a Bishop. 
 
 As mum as a mouse in a mill. 
 
 As fiat as a flounder. 
 
 As busy as a hen with one chicken. 
 
 As kind as a kite. 
 
 As hot as Tewkesbury mustard. 
 
 As proud as a peacock. 
 
 As white as innocence. 
 
 As poor as Lazarus. 
 
 As obstinate as a mule. 
 
 Raging like the sea. 
 
 As frightened as a hunted hare. 
 
 As nimble as a cow in a cage. 
 
126 VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 
 
 As blind as a beetle, or as a mole, or as a bat. 
 
 As light as a feather. 
 
 As sharp as a needle. 
 
 As soft as a cushion. 
 
 As silent as death. 
 
 As old as the hills. 
 
 As grey as an owl. 
 
 As wanton as a kitten. 
 
 Looking as if butter would not melt in your mouth. 
 
 As fresh as a daisy. 
 
 As wise as WalthanHs calf that ran nine miles to 
 
 suck a bull. 
 As ugly as a toad. 
 As proud as Lucifer. 
 As cunning as a fox. 
 As common as the street. 
 As black as a crow. 
 As bright as a guinea. 
 As impudent as a dog. 
 As grim as midnight, or as a ghost. 
 As straight as a Maypole, 
 As cross as a crab. 
 As touchy as gun-powder. 
 As pat as a potatoe. 
 
 It would be easy to multiply such examples, 
 but these, I hope, will be more than sufficient 
 to establish the vulgarity of comparisons of 
 a similar character. I cannot conclude, how- 
 ever, without again adverting to the principle, 
 
VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 127 
 
 upon which this reprehensible habit is founded 
 the principle of exaggeration, or what in 
 more homely language is expressed by the 
 phrase " talking big/' It is this most mis- 
 taken principle that originates and perpetuates 
 such vulgar expressions, as " I am so miser- 
 able you cant think " " You can have no no- 
 tion, for the life of you, how he was served;" 
 " As fast slow much little soon late as 
 possible /' this last phrase is correct enough* 
 like many others, when not abused by perpe- 
 tual reiteration, or when it can have little or 
 no possible meaning ; or if it have any mean- 
 ing, it indicates that the speaker is stretching 
 all his powers of expression to exaggerate 
 some very common occurrence. To Frenchify 
 the expression, and say, " I will do my possible 
 to accomplish it," is greatly worse. 
 
 It is this principle of stretching, whatever is 
 said, beyond all just proportion, that will be 
 found to run through many of the vulgarities, 
 formerly noted, as in the instances of vast, 
 mighty, immense, important, monstrous, tre- 
 mendous, &c. There is another branch from 
 the same root 5 which I shall now point out as 
 being usually characterized by the words most, 
 very, extremely, exceedingly, applied without 
 discrimination by low-bred, and half educated 
 
128 VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 
 
 persons to every thing and circumstance 
 appropriate and inappropriate, about which 
 they speak. Every thing is the very best, or 
 the very worst ; or the very first rate ; and every 
 circumstance is most important, extremely in- 
 teresting, or exceedingly ludicrous ; a parrot is 
 said to be " monstrously tame." This habit 
 of stretching expressions beyond their proper 
 bounds, reminds me of a person who always, 
 when he speaks, bawls at the top of his voice 
 as if every body around him were deaf. 
 
 An instance of the spirit of exaggerated com- 
 parison which is very common, but which is 
 seldom remarked, generally includes, or is in- 
 troduced by the words " No," or " Nothing." 
 You may frequently remark this vulgarity in 
 young or unpractised authors, who seldom 
 fail to commence with, " No subject is of 
 greater importance, than" or " Nothing is 
 more important, than" To such phraseology, 
 I admit, it would be wrong to object as incor- 
 rect or ungrammatical ; but when it is repeated 
 till it is palling and tiresome, as it usually is, 
 it must be pronounced vulgar. 
 
 When joined with other hackneyed phrases, 
 the words " no," and " nothing," become 
 more degraded by associating with vulgar 
 companions, as in the expressions, " Nothing 
 
VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. 129 
 
 on earth;" " Nothing under the sun" "No 
 man in the world, or no man in all London 
 could do it better f I would not for the uni- 
 verse , " (i Not for anything in Nature /' " There 
 is not the fellow of it in seven counties " " It 
 cannot be matched in all Europe, nonot if 
 you were to search the whole of it." " I would 
 not have it done for any thing/* " Nobody is 
 so famous in the whole of London ,-" " There 
 is nothing earthly in the report ; though there 
 is not any one thing more likely ;" " When we 
 survey the whole of Nature, we must confess 
 that nothing is more conspicuous, than" "No 
 occurrence of modern times claims more of 
 our attention, than ;" There is not his match 
 on the face of the earth ;" The most extraor- 
 dinary of all extraordinary things " The most 
 useful of all useful things, fyc. 
 
 If I could persuade my young readers to 
 avoid magnifying every thing about which they 
 speak beyond its proper bounds, I should not 
 fear that they would soon be cured of this 
 vulgar practice; but unless they can prevail 
 upon themselves to speak with moderation, 
 there is no way to escape the use of the vul- 
 garities which I have just reprobated. 
 
130 learned, pedantic, and 
 
 Learned, Pedantic, and Professional 
 Vulgarities. 
 
 As many of the examples which I am going 
 to introduce here spring from affectation, I 
 might have arranged them under the chapter 
 on Vulgar-genteel Errors ; but I thought it 
 better to bring them under a separate divi- 
 sion, in which I would have an opportunity 
 of giving them more attention. The subject 
 follows most naturally to be considered after 
 Bye-words, Proverbs, and Comparisons, as 
 Pedantry of Conversation is very similar to 
 these, consisting for the most part of favourite 
 words or phrases derived from other languages, 
 of professional terms introduced into common 
 discourse, or of common words pronounced 
 in an uncommon manner. Before giving ex- 
 amples of these pedantic vulgarities, which 
 have been more than once alluded to in the 
 preceding pages, I shall take the advantage 
 of some just and useful remarks of Lord 
 Chesterfield on the characteristics of a pedant. 
 
 " Learning," he says, " when not accom- 
 panied with sound judgment, frequently carries 
 us into error, pride, and pedantry, which are 
 very common failings. Some learned men for 
 example, proud of their knowledge, only speak 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 131 
 
 to decide, and give judgment without appeal; 
 the consequence of which is, that mankind, 
 provoked by the insult and injured by the op- 
 pression, revolt; and, in order to shake off 
 the tyranny, even call the lawful authority in 
 question. The more you know, the modester 
 you should be : and modesty is the surest 
 way of gratifying your vanity. Even where 
 you are sure, seem rather doubtful ; represent, 
 but do not pronounce ; and if ever you would 
 convince others, seem open to conviction your- 
 self. 
 
 " Others, to shew their learning, or often 
 from the prejudices of a school education, 
 where they hear of nothing else, are always 
 talking of the ancients as something more 
 than men, and of the moderns as something 
 less. They are never without a classic or 
 two in their pocket ; they stick to the good old 
 sense, they read none of the modern trash, 
 and will shew you plainly that no improve- 
 ment has been made in any one art or science, 
 these last seventeen hundred years. I would 
 by no means have you disown your acquain- 
 tance with the ancients ; but still less would 
 I have you brag of an exclusive intimacy with 
 them. Speak of the moderns without con- 
 tempt, and of the ancients without idolatry ; 
 
 K 
 
\S2 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 judge them all by their merits, but not by 
 their ages, and if you happen to have an Elze- 
 vir classic in your pocket, neither show it, 
 nor mention it. 
 
 " Some great scholars most absurdly draw 
 all their maxims, both for public and private 
 life, from what they call parallel cases, in the 
 ancient authors; without considering that, 
 in the first place, there never were since the 
 creation of the world, two cases exactly 
 parallel. We are really so prejudiced by our 
 education, that, as the ancients deified their 
 heroes, we deify their madmen ; of which with 
 all due regard for antiquity, I take Leonidas 
 and Curtius to have been two distinguished 
 ones. And yet a solid pedant would, in 
 making a remark, relative to a tax of two- 
 pence in the pound upon some commodity or 
 other, quote those two heroes, as examples of 
 what we ought to do and suffer for our 
 country. I have known these absurdities 
 carried so far by injudicious learning, that 
 I should not be surprised if some of them 
 were to propose, should we be at war with 
 the Gauls, that a number of geese should be 
 kept in the Tower, upon account of the in- 
 finite advantage which Rome received, in a 
 parallel case, from a certain number of geese 
 in the capitol. 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 138 
 
 " There is another species of learned men, 
 who, though less dogmatical, and supercilious, 
 are not less impertinent. 
 
 81 These are the communicative and shining 
 pedants, who adorn their conversations, even 
 with women, by happy quotations of Greek 
 and Latin; and who have contracted such 
 a familiarity with the Greek and Roman 
 authors, that they call them by certain names 
 or epithets, denoting intimacy. As old Homer ; 
 that sly rogue Horace ; Maro, instead of 
 Virgil ; Tully, instead of Cicero : and Naso, 
 instead of Ovid. These are often imitated by 
 coxcombs, who have no learning at all; but 
 who have got some names, and some scraps 
 of ancient authors by heart, which they im- 
 properly and impertinently retail in all com- 
 panies, in hopes of passing for scholars. If, 
 therefore, you would avoid the accusation 
 of pedantry on one hand, or the suspicion of 
 ignorance on the other, abstain from learned 
 ostentation. Speak the language of the com- 
 pany you are in; speak it purely, and un- 
 larded with any others. Never seem wiser, 
 nor more learned than the people you are 
 with. Wear your learning like your watch, 
 in a private pocket ; and do not pull it out, 
 and strike it, merely to shew that you have 
 k2 
 
134 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 one. If you are asked what o'clock it is, tell 
 it ; but do not proclaim it hourly and unasked, 
 like the watchman. 
 
 " Upon the whole, remember that it is a most 
 useful and necessary ornament, which it is 
 shameful not to be master of; but at the same 
 time most carefully avoid those errors and 
 abuses which I have mentioned, and which too 
 often attend it ; and remember, too, that great 
 modern knowledge is still more necessary than 
 ancient/' So far Chesterfield. 
 
 In the chapter on bye-words I have pointed 
 out the vulgarity of introducing words and 
 phrases from foreign languages ; but as this is, 
 perhaps, the most common and offensive of 
 pedantic vulgarities, it may require to be more 
 distinctly noticed; and with this view I have 
 drawn up the following table of 
 
 Pedantic Expressions and Quotations : 
 
 vulgar. correct. 
 
 Multum in parvo. Much in a small space. 
 
 In toto. Altogether. 
 
 In the beau monde. In fashionable life. 
 
 A carte blanche. Unconditional terms. 
 
 Ad captandum. For the sake of attracting. 
 
 Chef d'ceuvre. A masterpiece. 
 
 Ci-devant. Formerly. 
 
 Ad infinitum. To infinity. 
 
 Comme ilfaut. As it ought to be. 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 135 
 
 VULGAR. 
 Terra fir ma. 
 Ad libitum. 
 In terrorem. 
 Con amore. 
 Aufait. 
 
 Conge cfelire. 
 Ad referendum. 
 Ad valorem. 
 Coup d'ceil. 
 Coup de grace. 
 Coup de main. 
 Cum grano salis. 
 A fortiori. 
 A priori. 
 
 He made his debut. 
 Debutant. 
 Denouement. 
 
 Argumentum ad hominem. 
 Bona fide. 
 Cacoethes scribendi. 
 Dernier resort. 
 Douceur or bonus. 
 Eclair cissement. 
 
 Credat Judaius non 
 
 ego. 
 
 Audi alteram partem. 
 Much or great eclat. 
 An elevs of Newton's, 
 
 En masse. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 Solid or dry land. 
 
 At pleasure. 
 
 As a warning. 
 
 With zeal or pleasure. 
 
 Able, capable, knowing, per- 
 fect. 
 
 Leave to choose. 
 
 For consideration. 
 
 According to value. 
 
 A rapid glance. 
 
 Finishing stroke or mortal blow. 
 
 A sudden assault or enterprize. 
 
 With limitation. 
 
 With more reason. 
 
 At first sight, or for a former 
 reason. 
 
 He made his first appearance. 
 
 A beginner. 
 
 The winding up or finishing. 
 
 A personal or home argument. 
 
 Indeed, or in reality. 
 
 A passion for scribbling. 
 
 The last shift. 
 
 A bribe or reward. 
 
 An explanation, or rather ex- 
 plication. 
 
 A Jew may believe it, but I 
 will not. 
 
 Hear both sides. 
 
 Much or great show or fame. 
 
 A pupil of Newton's. 
 
 Altogether, or in a mass. 
 
136 
 
 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 VULGAR. 
 En passant. 
 Cum multis aliis. 
 Aut Cessar aut nihil. 
 Desideratum. 
 De facto and dejure. 
 Entre'e. 
 Faux pas. 
 Surveillance. 
 Mal-a-propos. 
 Dictum. 
 Ergo. 
 
 Esto perpeiua. 
 Ex parte. 
 Ex officio. 
 Mauvaise honle. 
 Nonchalance. 
 Sangfroid. 
 Outre' and opiniatre. 
 In propria persona. 
 In statu quo. 
 Ipse dixit 
 Ipso facto. 
 On the qui vive. 
 TSte-atSte. 
 Entre nous. 
 
 Subrosa. [under the rose] 
 Locum tenens. 
 Neplus ultra. 
 Non compos mentis. 
 Onus or onus probandi. 
 Passim. 
 Verbatim et literatim. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 In passing, or by the way. 
 With many others. 
 The first place or none. 
 Much wanted. 
 In fact, and by right or law. 
 Entrance, or right of entrance. 
 A false step or slip. 
 Superintendance. 
 Unseasonably. 
 Assertion. 
 Therefore. 
 May it last for ever. 
 On one side only. 
 Officially, or by right of office. 
 False shame, or bashfulness. 
 Cool indifference. 
 Coolness, or cold blood. 
 Eccentric and obstinate. 
 In person or actually. 
 As before, or as formerly. 
 Mere assertion. 
 From the fact itself. 
 On the alert. 
 A private conversation. 
 Privately, or between ourselves 
 Secretly. 
 A deputy. 
 
 The greatest extent. 
 Of unsound mind. 
 The burden or task of proving. 
 Everywhere. 
 Exactly, or in word and letter. 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 137 
 
 VULGAR. CORRECT. 
 
 Pro bono publico. For the public benefit. 
 
 Pro re nata* For the occasion. 
 
 Pro tempore. For the time. 
 
 Pro forma. For the sake of form or order. 
 
 Pro and con. For and against. 
 
 Sine die. Without naming a day. 
 
 Sine qua non. Indispensible. 
 
 Sui generis. Matchless, or unparalleled. 
 
 Acme. Height. 
 
 Summum bonum. The greatest good. 
 
 Vice versa. On the contrary. 
 
 Vtluli in speculum. As in a looking-glass, 
 Delicatessc and Politesse. Delicacy and Politeness. 
 
 Noblesse and hauteur. Nobility and haughtiness. 
 
 An extremely common pedantic term occurs 
 in the Latin word Quaere, Englished Query; 
 which is employed in a most awkward manner 
 to ask a question, when it is altogether useless 
 and impertinent. For example "He thinks 
 so ; but query is he right ?" " It is so re- 
 ported ; but query is it correct ?" " Query 
 Do you believe that?" This might with 
 great propriety have been classed with the 
 awkward vulgarities, were it not so evidently 
 pedantic. 
 
 Such are a very few of the pedantic vulgari- 
 ties which have spread from the schools and 
 the courts of law into conversation, the ele- 
 gance and purity of which they do much to 
 
138 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 debase. I once heard it remarked, by a very 
 shrewd man, of the chemical phrase per se, 
 that it was very often unintelligible; and he 
 had always observed, that when men speak 
 Latin, they seldom know themselves what they 
 are saying. The fashion of spoiling plain 
 English by words, phrases, and quotations 
 from foreign languages, was some time ago 
 nearly banished from good writing ; but it still 
 kept its place in conversation: and now that 
 the style of conversation has crept into books, 
 we begin again to see in them the same offen- 
 sive sprinkling of Latin and French, which 
 deforms the pages of Lord Chesterfield in the 
 eye of taste, almost as much as his duplicity 
 and systematic hypocrisy do in the eye of vir- 
 tue. The phrases bona fide, in statu quo, and 
 many others, are no less common than vulgar. 
 In another class of pedantic vulgarities, I 
 may place the use of words which have become 
 obsolete, or nearly so, and are now chiefly con- 
 fined to old writers. Were this sort of pedantry 
 only found among those who study Chaucer 
 and Hooker, it might perhaps be excused ; but 
 we may often remark it in the conversation of 
 those who have never read a page of our older 
 authors. The following are a very few of the 
 vulgarities belonging to obsolete expressions : 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES, 
 
 139 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 Forsooth. 
 
 Truly. 
 
 Perchance. 
 
 Perhaps. 
 
 Per adventure. 
 
 Perhaps. 
 
 Moreover. 
 
 Besides, also. 
 
 Erewhile. 
 
 Before. 
 
 Ere. 
 
 Formerly. 
 
 Erst. 
 
 Formerly. 
 
 Fantasy. 
 
 Fancy. 
 
 Anon. 
 
 Afterwards or shortly. 
 
 Behoof. 
 
 Benefit. 
 
 Sundry. 
 
 Several. 
 
 Behest. 
 
 Request. 
 
 Whereupon $ Thereupon 
 
 Upon which. 
 
 Thereat and Whereat. 
 
 At which. 
 
 Thereof and Whereof. 
 
 Of which. 
 
 Thereout and Whereout. 
 
 Out of which. 
 
 For the nonce. 
 
 For the occasion. 
 
 I wot not. 
 
 I know not. 
 
 Quoth he. 
 
 Said he. 
 
 Methinks I do. 
 
 I think I do. 
 
 Beshrew me! [i. e. Bad luck to me /] 
 
 Thither, Hither. 
 
 Here. 
 
 Whither. 
 
 Where. 
 
 Withal. 
 
 Altogether. 
 
 Therein. 
 
 In which. 
 
 It behoves me. 
 
 It is my duty. 
 
 Whichsoever. 
 
 "Which of the two. 
 
 Vouchsafe. 
 
 Grant or condescend. 
 
 Certes. 
 
 Certainly. 
 
 Actors, and those who frequent the theatres, 
 are the most apt to fall into the error of using 
 
140 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 obsolete expressions; and what is, in many 
 cases, no less pedantic, of incessantly intro- 
 ducing trite quotations from Shakspeare, and 
 other popular dramatic writers. There can be 
 no question about the vulgarity of every thing 
 that is trite ; and well-known quotations, I 
 think, rank conspicuously among the common- 
 places of pedantic and affected learning, and 
 are chiefly used by those who 
 
 " Think the partial reading of an hour 
 
 Can ape the charms of literary power ; 
 
 But be the parrot's character his praise, 
 
 "Who gives his mind to such delusive ways." Cooke. 
 
 A pedant, who has acquired this habit of 
 trite quotation, has some scrap or distich ready 
 upon all occasions, to show, as he erroneously 
 imagines, his taste and his reading. If you 
 speak of education, he will not fail to give you 
 Thomson's 
 
 " Delightful task, to rear the tender thought, 
 And teach the yonng idea how to shoot." 
 
 and if you talk of humble and obscure merit, 
 you may be assured of hearing. Gray's 
 
 "Full many a gem of purest ray serene," &c. 
 
 Others, who endeavour to surpass the quoter 
 of mere English, are no less ready with school- 
 boy scraps of Ovid, Horace, Virgil,, and Juve- 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 141 
 
 nal, the last most usually borrowed from a 
 chance note in the school grammars. It is in 
 this way that we so often hear " Audi alteram 
 partem ;" and " Credat Judceus Apella non 
 ego " " O tempora ! O mores /" " Rudis indi- 
 gestaque moles;" "Ne sutor ultra crepidem" 
 &c. If my readers are desirous to avoid the 
 vulgarity of pedantry, let them never use any 
 of those common hackneyed quotations, whe- 
 ther they be English, French, or Latin : Greek 
 I need not mention, as few will venture to in- 
 troduce it, except among pedants of their own 
 kin. 
 
 While I reprobate trite quotation, however, 
 I must admit that Burns was right in the opi- 
 nion of it being often useful as well as elegant, 
 when judiciously selected and appropriately in- 
 troduced. The shorter that such quotations 
 are they will be the more apposite ; and even 
 the tritest may, by novelty of application in 
 rare instances, tend to show the elegant taste 
 or humorous conceptions of a speaker. But 
 this is an exception to the rule, which is far too 
 delicate for the young and inexperienced to 
 venture upon ; as their vanity will readily 
 whisper, that the grossest breach of the rule 
 falls under the allowed infringement. It will, 
 
142 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 therefore, be the safest way for the inexperi- 
 enced to avoid all quotation. 
 
 One species of quotation ought to be consi- 
 dered still more offensive than all the prece- 
 ding; not so much because it is vulgar as 
 because it is profane I mean the quoting of 
 the Scriptures in common conversation. This, 
 in some circles, is a very common and repre- 
 hensible practice ; and whether it is done with 
 a serious design, or the contrary, it must tend 
 to produce improper feelings. To conversation 
 and discussions professedly religious, my pro- 
 hibition does not of course apply. I speak 
 only of the wanton or thoughtless practice of 
 quoting Scripture, or the vain pedantry of 
 doing this merely to exhibit the speaker's 
 Bible learning. 
 
 Those who have been in India are extremely 
 apt to affect a very absurd kind of pedantry in 
 their conversation. I allude to their frequent 
 introduction of Hindoo terms, which they are 
 at the same time obliged to translate to render 
 themselves intelligible. In a recent series of 
 Tales, written with great spirit and consider- 
 able knowledge of life, this is admirably ex- 
 posed in the character of an old officer, who 
 has just returned to England from the East, 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 143 
 
 with a fortune, and who scorns to use plain 
 English words, but calls (i lunch" tiffin a 
 "messenger" hurlcaruh; and instead of a com- 
 mon English " How do you do V or " Good 
 bye," always says Salaam. This is undoubt- 
 edly one of the most silly exhibitions of the 
 pedantic that can be met with ; and I am not 
 certain that it is not so even in India itself, 
 among the British residents, at least when they 
 are speaking English, which ought never to be 
 interlarded with foreign gibberish in correct or 
 elegant conversation. 
 
 Professional pedantry is the most vulgar of 
 all, and wherever it is shown is a crime against 
 the laws of good breeding and politeness, from 
 the terms used in various professions being for 
 the most part unintelligible in common conver- 
 sation. The story in Joe Miller, of the sailor 
 who looked with great contempt at the Judge 
 who did not know the meaning of " Abaft the 
 binnacle," is a good illustration of this. Seve- 
 ral mercantile phrases of this kind have become 
 no less common than vulgar, as will at once be 
 obvious by a few examples. For instance 
 instead of assenting to an opinion by a plain 
 " yes," or " I agree with you in that," the mer- 
 cantile pedant's favourite expression will be " I 
 say Ditto to that." Again, instead of observing 
 
144 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 that a young lady resembles her mother, he will 
 say " She is the very ditto of her mother." 
 This word " ditto" ought to be under an em- 
 bargo, and ought never to be exported out of 
 the ledger and the invoice, or at least it ought 
 not to be imported into good society. The 
 words "per" and "#i#,"for "by" and "byway 
 of," are other instances of the mercantile pe- 
 dantic. For example " He intends to go per 
 the mail, and return per the stage:" "They go 
 per the packet via Calais, and return per the 
 steamer via Brighton." A pedant of this class 
 instead of " on the contrary," will say " Per 
 contra;' or instead of " several," will think 
 "sundries" more elegant, these terms are so 
 in his books, but ought never to be heard in 
 his conversation, if he is desirous of speaking 
 elegantly. What would be thought in genteel 
 society, of a person who would say " Per ad- 
 vice this day received, via Dantzic from Pe- 
 tersburg, I am informed that war is ordered by 
 the Emperor ;" or " I am advised this day, per 
 the Dolphin, that our affairs in India are far 
 from prosperous." Some mercantile pedants 
 still more vulgarly, will talk indiscriminately of 
 an act of Parliament, or a blood-horse, or a ce- 
 lebrated beauty, or an old woman, as " a pretty 
 piece of goods" With those persons, also, 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 145 
 
 every thing and every circumstance is vulgarly 
 termed " a concern" as if it were connected 
 with the transactions of their " firm ;" or in- 
 volved " a good or a bad spec" which is the 
 vulgar contraction for the word " speculation. " 
 I am sorry to observe that the word " concern" 
 is by no means confined to the mercantile pe- 
 dant, but has now become extremely common 
 as a vulgar bye-word among many other classes 
 as well as the similar word "article," in such 
 phrases as " Our sheriff is a pretty article, 
 ant he?" "The new bridge is a queerish 
 article, and is not, by half, so good as the old 
 concern" The word minus, I believe, is also 
 mercantile ; as in the phrases, " He left the 
 exchange minus a large sum ;" " He was at- 
 tacked by footpads on Hounslow Heath, but 
 got off minus his hat, and a broken sconce" 
 This minus is a very awkward and pedantic 
 word, and ought to be banished from polite 
 conversation. Calling money stuff, brass, gold, 
 the ready, the needful, &c. are of the same 
 class. Even cash is far from being a polite 
 or elegant word. 
 
 Such are a few, and only a few, of the pedantic 
 vulgarities of the merchant's counting-house; 
 but examples, equally faulty, may be collected 
 from the lawyers' chambers, the Inns of Court, 
 
146 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 or the benches of Westminster Hall. One very 
 awkward expression subject-matter I have 
 already traced to this source ; and I shall now 
 mention one or two others: for example, the 
 words rejoinder for "reply," rebut for " refute,'' 
 a moot point for "a doubtful point/' and the 
 word " said" which is almost synonimous with 
 the mercantile ditto, as in the phrase "The 
 said man," are very common instances of the 
 legal pedantic. It has tended much to diffuse 
 law phrases, that many of our young barristers 
 are employed in writing for the public press, 
 and as their language must often derive a tinge 
 from their profession, it is in time incorporated 
 with the language, and steals into common con- 
 versation. I may instance the term "set-off," 
 as one of those legal intruders, and the phrase 
 "put the case" as another. 
 
 The most common law term, however, which 
 we meet with in conversation, is the word 
 " Party," used for " person," or some similar 
 term, as in the examples " I told the party 
 what you said, and he was satisfied ;" "I never 
 knew that she was the party concerned" " I 
 think Mr. B., who is the principal party, is 
 wrong ;" " It would be better for the parties 
 to divide the loss, Mr. A. taking one-third, 
 and Mr.B. two-thirds;" "Miss A. was a party 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 147 
 
 in that business ;" "I, as the contracting party t 
 will be compelled to do it." The reader must 
 have frequently heard this pedantic and vulgar 
 use of the word, though everybody who studies 
 correctness or elegance will avoid it in conver- 
 sation. The word parcel for " a portion," is 
 another law term, sometimes pedantically em- 
 ployed, as in the vulgar expression, " That is 
 parcel of it f " Christianity is parcel of the 
 law of the land." 
 
 Under the head of vulgarities peculiar to 
 Scotland, I shall take notice of a few Scotch 
 law phrases; such as, to condescend upon, 
 which have got into common ^language. 
 
 From the medical profession, a few pedantic 
 phrases also have been derived ; though not in 
 proportion, perhaps, to the influence of medical 
 men in society. The pedantic phrases of this 
 class are more an expression of opinion on 
 medical subjects than particular forms of 
 words ; and I would, therefore, guard my 
 readers from the absurdity of expressing such 
 opinions, which they can know but very imper- 
 fectly, and are almost certain to be wrong. If 
 dogmatic assertion is pedantry, and if ignorance 
 is a mark of vulgarity, I hesitate not to say 
 that it is vulgar to talk about the "foulness of 
 the blood ;" " scurvy or humour in the blood ;" 
 
 L 
 
148 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 certain kinds of food " being good or bad for 
 the inside;" and certain other things "being 
 softening for the lungs or the breast." All of 
 which common opinions manifest gross igno- 
 rance and vulgarity, no less than the common 
 habit of volunteering prescriptions for every 
 ailment of one's acquaintance a habit which 
 is by no means confined to old women, as for- 
 merly, but is now so frequently met with, even 
 among the young, that medical men are often 
 favoured with infallible prescriptions for their 
 colds, &c. by their own patients. If this is not 
 vulgar, it is at least ludicrous, and ought to be 
 avoided by those who study elegance and po- 
 liteness. 
 
 It is not unusual with young persons, after 
 a boating excursion at a watering-place, or a 
 short sea voyage, to affect to speak the peculiar 
 language of the seamen; but those who do so 
 ought to be aware that this species of pedantry 
 is extremely vulgar. You may, for example, 
 hear such young persons calling to a servant 
 to bear a hand; and instead of saying " stop/' 
 they will say " Avast" or " Avast you there" 
 Besides, they will talk of a coach making good 
 way, or running so many knots ; they will call 
 " a situation" a birth " money" rhino " brandy 
 and water" grog; and on meeting a friend, 
 they will ask him the sea questions What 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 149 
 
 ship t Where bound ? or Where are you bound 
 for? with other impertinent affectations and 
 pedantry of the same kind, such as capsize 
 for "overturn/* which cannot be too carefully 
 avoided. 
 
 Those who affect military phrases again, call 
 their "house" or their "lodgings" quarters; 
 and are continually talking of the parade, the 
 review, &c. In a former page * I have given 
 another instance of a military phrase, which 
 has been introduced into common language ; 
 and were I more conversant with military 
 language than I am, I have no doubt I could 
 muster a still longer roll. The two words here 
 marked in Italics, are undoubtedly military. 
 
 It will not be necessary to illustrate the prin- 
 ciple by examining severally the various trades 
 and professions whose terms and phrases are 
 introduced into conversation, as most of those 
 will be obvious without exemplification ; and I 
 shall, therefore, pass on to pedantry in the sub- 
 jects of conversation, and in the manner of 
 speaking. It is most justly remarked, by an 
 elegant Essayist, that " Pedantry, in the com- 
 mon sense of the word, means an absurd osten- 
 tation of learning, and stiffness of phraseology, 
 
 * See page 86. 
 L 2 
 
150 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 proceeding from a misguided knowledge of 
 books, and a total ignorance of men. But I 
 have often thought that we might extend its 
 signification a good deal further, and, in gene- 
 ral, apply, it to that failing, which disposes a 
 person to obtrude upon others subjects of con- 
 versation relating to his own business, studies, 
 or amusements." According to this defini- 
 tion, courtiers and soldiers, and in short, men 
 of all ranks, may be guilty of pedantry as well 
 as the philosopher or the divine. Even women 
 become liable to this imputation when they 
 descant at too great length on their dress and 
 ornaments, or on their domestic economy. It 
 is a natural weakness, indeed, to fancy that the 
 subjects on which we are best informed must 
 be thought as important and as interesting by 
 others as by ourselves. Hence we are apt 
 perpetually to introduce them into our dis- 
 course, and are in danger of acquiring a habit 
 which, if carried to excess^ renders conversation 
 both tedious and ridiculous.* 
 
 On this account, though it be proper and 
 allowable to engage persons to converse on 
 those subjects with which they are particularly 
 acquainted ; yet, I think, a prudent man will 
 avoid taking advantage of such opportunities 
 of displaying his knowledge, lest those whose 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 151 
 
 information is less extensive, should consider 
 him as deserving the reproach of pedantry. 
 
 Some persons are never at ease in society, 
 except where they can take the lead, and 
 assume the style of dictation. A man of this 
 class seeks neither for amusement nor instruc- 
 tion, ,but solely with a view to impress others 
 with a high opinion of his talents. 
 
 He endeavours to engross all the conversa- 
 tion; he wishes not to hear remarks, but 
 merely to be listened to and admired. If you 
 oppose to him the slightest contradiction, he 
 only speaks louder, and assumes a more de- 
 cisive tone, and when no one replies, he 
 fancies every body is convinced. 
 
 Before I proceed to pedantry of pronun- 
 ciation, I shall mention one instance of a 
 pedantic expression, which is very vulgar and 
 affected, and which I may exemplify by the 
 phrases " Newton is only another name for 
 Science " u Euclid is only another name for 
 Mathematics." The harshness of such ex- 
 pressions, which are by no means uncommon, 
 will appear more striking by saying on a similar 
 principle, that " Watt is only another name for 
 the Steam Engine ;" or " Franklin is only 
 another name for Electricity ;" or '* Davy 
 
152 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 is only another name for Chemistry," which 
 I do not recollect ever to have heard. 
 
 Many instances of pedantry of pronuncia- 
 tion will be found in the chapter on Vulgar- 
 genteel errors, and affected speaking; but 
 the most glaring mistakes of this kind occur 
 in making pedantic attempts to engraft the 
 pronunciation of Foreign words upon our 
 vernacular English. In proper names it may 
 be allowed to come as near as possible to the 
 original pronunciation, and upon this principle 
 we may be permitted to remark, by way of 
 illustration, that the French corruption of 
 " Dionysus,'* into Denys, and the Celtic, of 
 " Alexander,'' into Alaister, are as bad as the 
 Otaheitean corruption of " Cooke,'' into Toote. 
 But in proper names of difficult pronunciation 
 it is pedantic to give the exact original sound, 
 even when the speaker can pronounce it per- 
 fectly. For example u Gottingen," when pro- 
 nounced as it is spelled, is well understood 
 in Britain, but if a pedant were to pronounce 
 it Yettingen in the German fashion, it would 
 be quite unintelligible to the mere English 
 scholar. In the same way, Mr. " Brande," 
 the well known chemist, whose family is origi- 
 nally German, has his name sometimes pedan- 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 153 
 
 tically transformed into Brands or Brandie. 
 The name of the celebrated " Goethe," is 
 also pronounced by pedants, vain of their 
 German scholarship, as if it were written with 
 a French u u," Gutt4, and sometimes Ghetto, 
 both of which are as unintelligible to" the 
 English scholar, as would be the name 
 Odysseus, the Greek, for " Ulysses." 
 
 When the vain desire of exhibiting a know- 
 ledge of Italian, induces some persons to 
 transform M Boccacio," into Boccatchio, and 
 u Buonaparte,'* into Boo-onaparty, why, it 
 may be asked, do they not also say Firenze, 
 for tf Florence," and Venezia for u Venice ?" 
 Italian pedantry, however, seldom ventures 
 so far as this, but usually rests satisfied with 
 such little affectations as Metzotinto, for 
 " Mezzotinto," which Walker indeed (impro- 
 perly, I think,) authorizes. 
 
 The most common pedantry, however, of 
 this kind, is derived from the French, in con- 
 sequence of the study of the language in this 
 country being more common. Accordingly you 
 will not only hear such words as " encore,' 
 and n Belles Lettres," pronounced in the 
 French manner, which in these instances has 
 become naturalized ; but you may also hear 
 " rencounter," pronounced " rangcongtre . 
 
154 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 " cognisance," pronounced " connisance ;'' 6< en- 
 virons/ pronounced " angvirongs" and " ren- 
 dezvous," pronounced " rangdyvoo" with 
 many others of the same kind. In proper 
 names it appears still more reprehensible, as 
 when* " Paris" is called " Pari" which is as 
 bad as Pairis, the pedantic Scotch pronun- 
 ciation of the word. " Calais," also is pedan- 
 tically called " Calay" " Lyons/' is called 
 ({ Leeong," the late king of France is called 
 " Louee" instead of " Louis," and the present 
 king Skarl, instead of " Charles ;" this, I think, 
 is the utmost stretch of the Frenchified pedan- 
 tic; and is a shade worse than the pedantic 
 habit of introducing hackneyed French ex- 
 pressions. It is in the same pedantic spirit 
 that " Rollin/' is pronounced Rollang, and 
 " Vauquelin," Vauquelang. 
 
 In some instances in which the peculiarities 
 of Foreign pronunciation are not so much in- 
 volved, it may be preferable to adhere to it, as 
 in the instances of " Murat," in which it is bet- 
 ter not to sound the " t;" " Buffon," which 
 sounds very vulgar, when the stress of the 
 voice is put on the " ff " and not on the " n* f 
 
 * In this word the genuine French pronunciation, " Bu- 
 fong," is perhaps the best, in order to distinguish it from 
 '' Buffoon." 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 155 
 
 and " Bourdeaux," which ought always to 
 be pronounced " Boordo," the English Bur- 
 dox being very vulgar. 
 
 Those who reside in a particular place ought, 
 in order to avoid pedantry, pronounce the 
 names of persons and places as they are usually 
 pronounced, and not according as they may 
 think, or may have been taught by book, to be 
 more correct. In Ireland, for example, it 
 would be the extreme of pedantry for a native 
 Irishman to call " Lough Neagh," Lock 
 Neek, or to call " Youghal/' Yokal, or 
 Yooal ; or in Scotland for a Scotsman to call 
 " Achtermughty," Aktermukty, or, " Sanqu- 
 har," San/car merely because Englishmen 
 pronounce them in this manner. In the in- 
 stances of " Armagh," pronounced "Armaw," 
 instead of " Armanli," or of " Drogheda," 
 pronounced " Dro-eda," or " Drohgheda," it 
 may be more excusable as it is not so obvious : 
 but in the word " Belfast/' to put the stress of 
 the voice upon the " el," and not upon the 
 " st ;" or in the word, " Dumfries," to pro- 
 nounce Dum-freeze, is undoubtedly pedantic 
 for an inhabitant, though excusable in an 
 Englishman. I may say the same of the 
 name " Duncan," pronounced Dun-can instead 
 of " Dungcan ;" and Graham,'' pronounced 
 
156 LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND 
 
 Gra-am, instead of " Grame ;'' and " the bat- 
 tle of Longside," instead of " the battle of 
 Langside/' A strong instance of this sort 
 of vulgar pedantry occurs in the word 
 " Catrine," the name of a Scotch village, 
 which is properly pronounced " Catrine," the 
 " a" being sounded, as in " cat/' but pedan- 
 tically like M a" long, as in " Kate ;" which 
 pronunciation however is correct, according 
 to the law of custom in " Loch Katrine," 
 though the origin of the two names, from 
 " Caterans," is the same. "Gloucester," should 
 be pronounced " Glo'ster," on the same prin- 
 ciple, but it is considered vulgar to call M Bir- 
 mingham/' " Brumagem" 
 
 In the instance of words difficult for an 
 Englishman to sound, such as " Loch Neagh," 
 i( Youghal," and " Ecclefechan," (pronounced 
 " Eklefehhan/') it will be the best way for him 
 to avoid, as much as he can, the use of them, 
 because it is impossible to pronounce them 
 without blundering. Some, indeed, take a 
 pleasure in committing blunders of this kind, 
 and think it a mark of their superior refine- 
 ment and civilization, that they cannot bring 
 their organs to pronounce such barbarous 
 words; but this they ought to know is only 
 another form of pedantry and affectation. 
 
PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. 157 
 
 I think it right to mention here, that in the 
 names of towns ending in " burg/' or " burgh," 
 when British, it ought to be pronounced 
 <( burrow/' as " Edinburgh/' w Edinburrow /' 
 but when foreign it ought to be pronounced 
 i( burg," as " Hamburgh/' " Petersburgh," 
 " Hapsburgh," &c. 
 
 Formal rules have been one of the chief 
 sources of pedantry ; for, as Lord Shaftsbury 
 justly says, it is the most effectual way of be- 
 coming foolish to do so by rule and system. 
 One of the first rules in the common English 
 grammars is, that " a" goes before a consonant, 
 and " an/' before a vowel, and in defiance of 
 all exception this was adhered to for many 
 years; but now that the authority of rules, 
 when opposed to common sense, has been 
 shaken to the foundation, this rule has pro*- 
 perly been abandoned by the best English 
 writers in the instance of words, which, though 
 in spelling they begin with a vowel, are pro- 
 nounced as beginning with a consonant, as 
 in the following table : 
 
 PEDANTIC. CORRECT. 
 
 An Universal remark A Universal remark. 
 
 An University A University. 
 
 An Unique specimen A Unique specimen. 
 
 An United brother A United brother. 
 
158 SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 PEDANTIC. CORRECT. 
 
 An European A European. 
 
 An Ewe lamb A Ewe lamb. 
 
 An Ewer for water A Ewer for water. 
 
 SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 It is but very recently that the peculiar 
 secret language of vagabonds, pick-pockets, 
 swindlers, professed boxers, and horse-jockies, 
 has obtained a partial currency among some 
 of the middle, and even of the upper, ranks of 
 society ; and in consequence of this, a few of 
 the terms and expressions which are known 
 under the various names of slang, cant, or 
 flash language, have been introduced into 
 common discourse. That I am not proceed- 
 ing upon mere conjecture in this, I may mention 
 the examples of the words bore, rum, and go, 
 which are now understood by every body in 
 such low vulgar phrases, as " It is a great bore 
 to have such a rum fellow always calling ;" 
 " there was a rum go, at the opening of Par- 
 liament ;" " Mr. B. is a rum one, he has always 
 some queer go to bore us with ;" " that is all 
 twaddle? 
 
 If I should be asked what I mean by slang, 
 I would answer in the language of a popular 
 writer, that it is chiefly what was originally 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 159 
 
 invented, and is still used, like the cipher of dip- 
 lomatists, for the purposes of secrecy, and as a 
 means of eluding the civil officers. It is sub- 
 ject, of course, to continual change, and is per- 
 petually either altering the meaning of old 
 words, or adding new ones, according as the 
 great object, secrecy, renders it prudent to have 
 recourse to such innovations. In this respect 
 also, it resembles the cryptography of kings, 
 and ambassadors, who, by a continual change 
 of cipher, contrive to baffle inquisitiveness and 
 prying. But notwithstanding the Protean na- 
 ture of the Flash or Cant language, the 
 greater part of it has remained unchanged for 
 centuries, and many of the words used in 
 Beaumont and Fletcher, and in Ben Johnson's 
 Masque, are still to be heard in St. Giles's, 
 and at the Fives Court. For example, to prig 
 is still to " steal ; M to fib is to " beat ;" duds are 
 " clothes ;" prancers are " horses ;" bouzing- 
 ken is an " ale-house or gin shop ;" cove is " a 
 fellow," &c. There are several instances, ho w- 
 ever, in which the same term is preserved, 
 but with a totally different signification. For 
 example, to mill originally signified to " rob," 
 but now means M to fight," or " box ;" and the 
 word rum, originally meant " fine," and " good/' 
 
160 SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 but is now commonly used for " roguish/' 
 " eccentric," " bad." 
 
 Another popular writer says, to give an ex- 
 ample of what is not so clear in the general 
 statement as understood by cant or slang 
 phrases, I should say that the expression to 
 " cut with a knife," or to " cut a piece of 
 wood," is perfectly free from vulgarity ; but to 
 " cut an acquaintance'' is not, as it is far from 
 being perfectly intelligible, and has hardly 
 yet escaped out of the limits of slang phraseo- 
 logy. To cut a dash or cut a swell, are equally 
 bad. The word swell itself, used in this way, 
 is also vulgar. 
 
 On the same principle of imitation, which 
 I have exemplified above in young persons 
 adopting the language of sailors, it is by no 
 means uncommon to hear the thoughtless imi- 
 tating the slang of the prize-ring, or the tap- 
 room, under the very mistaken notion, that it 
 is an indication of spirit, wit, and knowledge 
 of life ; whereas it is unquestionably low and 
 vulgar. One principal cause of the diffusion 
 of slang may be traced to the extensive circu- 
 lation of newspaper reports of boxing-matches, 
 drawn up in the peculiar language current at 
 such assemblies. The memoirs of pick-pockets 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 161 
 
 also, such as those of Hardy Vaux ; and the 
 Police-office reports, have tended to render 
 slang familiar to the public. 
 
 Many instances of slang might be given, 
 which are now common in the numerous class 
 of those who speak in the style that may be 
 called the vulgar-genteel. For example, the 
 words do and done, are used for " cheat" and 
 " ruined," as in the instances, "Ah! he is a 
 rum one, if you do not take care he will do you 
 out and out ,-" " You have done us for once, 
 with your gammon " "I am done for now, 
 beyond hope." The word row is another slang 
 word, which has lately become very common. 
 Grose says it was first introduced at the Uni- 
 versity of Cambridge ; but how high soever its 
 origin may be, its vulgarity is unquestionable ; 
 and nobody who wishes to speak correctly will 
 talk of a row, or of kicking up a row. In 
 some districts, the word dust is used in the 
 same vulgar way ; as in the phrase to kick up 
 a dust, instead of to "make a disturbance." 
 To blow up, or to give a person a blowing up, 
 is from the same vulgar source, and is chiefly 
 used by those persons who call " porter" by 
 the name of heavy wet; "gin" by the name of 
 Jaclcy, or blue ruin; the "head" by the slang 
 name of the knowledge box; the "eyes" 
 
162 SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 day-lights, or peepers ; the "teeth" grinders, 
 or ivories, and the " ears" listeners. 
 
 One of the most common slang words in 
 general currency is derived, if I mistake not, 
 from a particular sort of oysters called "na- 
 tives," and is vulgarly applied, under the mis- 
 take that it is very witty, to the inhabitants of 
 London, &c. You may thus hear of things 
 which " astonished the natives " or which will 
 "delight the natives." The well known but 
 vulgar words funk, bam, humbug, hoax, fudge, 
 and others of the same class, are all undoubt- 
 edly slang ; and however expressive they may 
 be in humorous or satirical writing, they can 
 never be admitted into correct, elegant, or po- 
 lite conversation. To call " halfpence" browns, 
 makes, or coppers; " shillings" bobs or hogs ; 
 " sovereigns " or " guineas" yellow-boys, or 
 Geordies ; and to call "money" by the various 
 terms of mopusses, blunt, bit, &c, are all ex- 
 tremely vulgar. 
 
 The word to sport, is also a common slang 
 term, used by the vulgar, as in the examples 
 " He sports a coach ;" " He sports a bit of 
 blood/' instead of "he keeps a coach," and 
 "he rides a blood horse;" "He sports an 
 aegrotat " instead of " he is sick." This word 
 is, indeed, applied in a thousand forms in slang 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 163 
 
 language; but the examples just given will 
 enable the reader to avoid employing it. The 
 phrase, " He sports a Manton, and is a good 
 shot" instead of " he has a fowling-piece made 
 by Manton, and is a good marksman," leads 
 me to remark that the very common practice of 
 calling a man a good shot, or saying he plays 
 a good fiddle, or a good bow, are not only 
 slang, but are both nonsensical and ungram- 
 matical, and therefore vulgar. It would be 
 quite endless, however, to exemplify all the 
 numerous vulgarities which rank under slang, 
 cant, and flash; and I shall conclude by ar- 
 ranging a more extended specimen, in the 
 form of a 
 
 Table of Slang Vulgarities. 
 
 VULGAR. CORRECT. 
 
 Adam's wine. Water. 
 
 Abigail. A waiting-maid. 
 
 Against the grain. Unwilling. 
 
 Agog, or all agog. On the alert. 
 
 An ape-leader. An old maid. 
 
 Awake to the effects of it. Aware of the effects of it. 
 
 To back out of a concern. To give up or quit a concern. 
 
 He saved his bacon. He escaped. 
 
 He was badgered into it. He was importuned into it. 
 
 He gave them the bag. He left them, or dismissed 
 
 them. 
 
 A Baggage. A worthless woman. 
 
164 
 
 SLAN<* VULGARITIES. 
 
 A baker's dozen. 
 Bam [contracted from] Bam- 
 boozle. 
 Bang-up. 
 Baptized or christened water- 
 
 A Member for Barkshire. 
 
 The whole batch of them. 
 
 I am for Bedfordshire. 
 
 Belly-timber. 
 
 Benjy Benjamin. 
 
 To bilk. 
 
 Billingsgate. 
 
 Bird wit ted. 
 
 Bitched, [contraction.] 
 
 In black and white. 
 
 Blackleg. 
 
 Black-strap. 
 
 To look blank. 
 
 Blarney, or Irish blarney. 
 
 He bleeds well. 
 
 It was a blind. 
 
 He looks blue. 
 
 Blue devils. 
 
 To bolt. 
 
 He is out of my books.. 
 
 Bounce Bouncer. 
 
 In a brace of seconds. 
 
 Brandy is Latin for goose. 
 
 In good or bad bread. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 Fourteen. 
 
 To play a trick, to deceiver 
 
 Complete, dashing, well done 
 Rum or brandy adulterated 
 
 with water. 
 A person who has a bad 
 
 cough. 
 The whole of them. 
 I am going to bed. 
 Food. 
 
 A waistcoat a great coat. 
 To cheat. 
 
 Coarse abusive language. 
 Foolish, thoughtless. 
 Bewitched. 
 In writing. 
 A gambler or sharper 
 Port wine. 
 
 To look disappointed. 
 Flummery or lies. 
 He parts freely with money. 
 It was a deception or feint. 
 He looks abashed or afraid. 
 Low spirits. 
 To escape suddenly. 
 He is not in my favour. 
 Lie a liar. 
 Instantly. 
 [An apology for a dram after 
 
 eating goose.] 
 In a good or a bad situation. 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 165 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 Bread basket, or Victualling-' 
 
 office. 
 She wears the breeches. 
 He is done brown. 
 
 To buy a brush and lope. 
 To have a brush with one. 
 To kick the bucket. 
 
 To budge, [in Scotland] to 
 
 mudge. 
 A buffer stript to the buff. 
 Bull-dogs, or barking-irons. 
 To iutfer up. 
 
 Spread your cabbage plant. 
 He is a cakey. 
 To cm* capers. 
 Carroty-pated. 
 He puts the cart before the 
 
 horse. 
 Castor Cat's-paw. 
 That chap is a charley. 
 To cafc/i if. 
 
 He got it in Cheapside. 
 Chicken-hearted. 
 A brother chip. 
 A chopping boy. 
 Chops Chopper. 
 
 A chum, 
 
 A church-yard cough. 
 
 A church-yard deserter. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 The stomach. 
 
 She governs her husband. 
 
 He is completely cheated or 
 ruined. 
 
 To go off. 
 
 To have a scuffle with one. 
 
 To die, or to become bank- 
 rupt. 
 
 To move, or to quit. 
 
 A boxer stript to the skin. 
 
 Pistols. 
 
 To flatter one undeservedly. 
 
 Put up your umbrella. 
 
 He is a foolish fellow. 
 
 To romp, or to act affectedly 
 
 Red haired. 
 
 He begins at the end of his 
 
 story. 
 A hat a tool or instrument' 
 That fellow is a watchman. 
 To be abused or scolded. 
 He gave little for it. 
 Fearful, cowardly. 
 One of the same trade. 
 A lusty child. 
 The cheeks a blow on the 
 
 cheek. 
 A college acquaintance. 
 A deadly cough. 
 An emaciated person. 
 
 M 2 
 
166 
 
 SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 To clapperclaw. 
 
 Under a cloud. 
 
 To spy the cloven foot. 
 
 He is the cock of the walk. 
 
 Cock-sure. 
 
 Cold iron. 
 
 To come Harry over one. 
 
 Corinthian swells. 
 
 To send one to Coventry. 
 
 A crack man. 
 
 To crow over. 
 
 A cunning shaver. 
 
 A cup of the creature. 
 
 Curmudgeon. 
 He is a great dab. 
 
 At daggers drawing. 
 
 Quite the dandy, or dandyish. 
 
 A deep one. 
 
 It is all Dickey with hina. 
 
 To diddle. 
 
 He is dished up. 
 
 A Dominie do-little. 
 
 A lame duck. 
 
 Duke, [in Scotland] Laird. 
 
 Dumfoundered. 
 In the Dumps. 
 To put out one's eye. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 To abuse, or to scold. 
 
 In adversity. 
 
 To discover roguery. 
 
 He is the chief man. 
 
 Quite certain. 
 
 A sword, dagger, or knife. 
 
 To cheat. 
 
 Gentlemen prodigals. 
 
 To keep one at a distance, 
 without speaking to him. 
 
 A man in high fashion. 
 
 To boast cr triumph. 
 
 A clever rogue. 
 
 A glass of whiskey, or other 
 spirits. 
 
 A covetous old fellow. 
 
 He is very dextrous, or ex- 
 pert. 
 
 At great enmity. 
 
 In high fashion. 
 
 A sly designing fellow. 
 
 It is all over with him. 
 
 To defraud. 
 
 He is ruined. 
 
 A useless old fellow. 
 
 A stock-jobber who cannot 
 
 pay his debts. 
 A fellow profligate, or low 
 
 acquaintance. 
 Silenced. 
 In low spirits. 
 
 To become a successful rirah 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 167 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 An eye-sore. 
 
 Fagged. 
 
 He has feathered his nest. 
 
 A fellow commoner. 
 
 It was a, fetch to gammon mc. 
 
 A fiddlestick's end. 
 
 All a flam. 
 
 He is a great flat. 
 
 To fleece. 
 
 Flush ofmopusses. 
 
 Foul-mouthed. 
 
 Foysted in. 
 
 A Friday face. 
 
 To be in a fuss. 
 
 That's all gammon. 
 
 His garret is muzzy. 
 
 The gentle craft. 
 
 His gills are rosy and merry. 
 
 To give it. 
 
 The glue-pot looks glum. 
 
 Grab, and to grab. 
 
 To grease the fist. 
 
 He has sent his horse to Dr. 
 
 Green. 
 He is green, or a green-horn. 
 
 Old Mr. Grim. 
 To give a handle. 
 Where does he hang out. 
 Herring pond, or dub. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 A disagreeable object. 
 
 Tired. # 
 
 He has enriched himself. 
 
 An empty bottle. 
 
 It was a trick to deceive me. 
 
 Nothing, 
 
 A lie, or sham story. 
 
 He is a very simple fellow . 
 
 To plunder, or cheat. 
 
 Full of money. 
 
 Abusive. 
 
 Interpolated. 
 
 A dismal countenance. 
 
 To be in a confused hurry. 
 
 That is all deception or false. 
 
 His head is giddy He is 
 
 tipsy. 
 Shoe- making. 
 His cheeks look merry and 
 
 cheerful. 
 To abuse or scold. 
 The parson looks sullen. 
 Spoil, booty, and to seize. 
 To bribe. 
 He has put his horse to grass. 
 
 He is young, or inexperi- 
 enced. 
 Death. 
 
 To afford a pretext. 
 Where does he reside. 
 The sea. 
 
168 
 
 SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 He is playing at hide and seek. 
 Used f6 high living. 
 
 A hop, or caper merchant. 
 The hyp, or hypped. 
 Before you can say Jack Ro- 
 binson. 
 He jabbered like a Jarvy. 
 
 Quite Jemmy. 
 
 To be in it. 
 
 A Johnny Raw. 
 
 To keep it up. 
 
 Of the same kidney. 
 
 He is gone to kingdom come. 
 
 To knock under, or succumb. 
 
 A Knight of the Thimble. 
 
 A knowing one. 
 
 Laid up in lavender. 
 
 Laid on the shelf. 
 
 How does the land lie f 
 
 A lark, or larking. 
 
 To lick. 
 
 To give a lift. 
 
 In limbo, or in quod. 
 
 In a bad loaf, or in bad bread. 
 
 In Lob's pound. 
 
 TheLombard, or Lurgan,fever. 
 
 A long price. 
 
 Looking as if he could not help 
 
 it. 
 Looking up. 
 
 He is skulking for debt. 
 Accustomed to live in a 
 
 garret. 
 A dancing-master. 
 In low spirits. 
 Instantly, or suddenly. 
 
 He talked like a hackney- 
 coachman. 
 Quite spruce. 
 To be concerned. 
 An inexperienced clown. 
 To prolong. 
 Of the same sort. 
 He is dead. 
 To submit. 
 A Tailor. 
 
 An experienced sportsman. 
 Pawned, or imprisoned. 
 Useless, over. 
 
 What are the circumstances ? 
 A trick, or making fun. 
 To beat or punish. 
 To assist. 
 In prison. 
 
 In a bad situation, in trouble. 
 In prison. 
 
 Idleness, or laziness. 
 A great price. 
 Looking like a simpleton. 
 
 Improving. 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 169 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 A loop-hole. 
 
 In the lurch. 
 
 On his marrow bones. 
 
 To melt. 
 
 Man of straw. 
 
 A lad of mettle. 
 A matter of moonshine. 
 Morning. [Scots.] 
 A mouth of a fellow. 
 It would be a good move. 
 
 Murphies, or Munster plums. 
 
 Music. 
 
 That it in his mutton. 
 
 To be nacky, or to have a nack. 
 
 To nail nailed. 
 
 In the very nick. 
 
 Done to the Nines. 
 
 Gone to the land of Nod. 
 
 Led by the nose. 
 
 Follow your nose. 
 
 To put one's nose out of joint. 
 
 To put a finger in the pie. 
 
 To put in an oar. 
 
 One of these odd- come-shortly s 
 
 A good hand, or an old dog at it. 
 
 The old One, old Nick, or old 
 Podger. 
 
 An out-and-outer, or out-and- 
 out. 
 
 To mind number one, or the 
 P's and Q's. 
 
 A paper skull. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 A means of escape. 
 
 In trouble, or difficulty. 
 
 On his knees. 
 
 To spend, or to exchange 
 paper for gold. 
 
 A pretender, or false cha- 
 racter. 
 
 A young man of spirit. 
 
 A trifle. 
 
 A dram before breakfast. 
 
 A noisy, or silly fellow. 
 
 It would be proper, or ex- 
 pedient. 
 
 Potatoes. 
 
 Fun. 
 
 That will vex or annoy him. 
 
 To be dextrous or expert. 
 
 To overreach fixed. 
 
 At the critical moment. 
 
 Done excellently or correctly 
 
 Asleep. 
 
 Governed. 
 
 Go straight forward. 
 
 To rival successfully. 
 
 To interfere. 
 
 To give an opinion unasked. 
 
 Sometime or other. 
 Dextrous, expert. 
 
 The devil. 
 
 Complete. 
 
 To be attentive to interest. 
 
 A foolish fellow. 
 
no 
 
 SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 On a par. 
 
 To palm upon. 
 
 To cry pecavi. 
 
 Peckish , or Piekish. 
 
 To give one a peppering. 
 
 In the hands of the Philistines. 
 
 The phyz, or physog. 
 
 Picking up. 
 
 Pilgarlick. 
 
 In a merry pin or key. 
 
 It may do for a pinch. 
 
 To pink. 
 
 Pins pipes. 
 
 Pluck pluckless. 
 
 Plucked. [University cant.] 
 
 A plumb half a plumb. 
 
 It is gone plump, or smack. 
 
 To stretch a point. 
 
 Potatoe trap. [Irish.] 
 
 To prig, to haggle, to niggle. 
 
 Prime. 
 
 To break Prician's head. 
 
 In a pucker, or pother. 
 In pudding time. 
 To pull one up. 
 
 He is purse proud. 
 
 In a quandary. 
 
 He lives in Queen-street. 
 
 To queer. 
 
 hi queer-street. 
 
 A quirk a quiz. 
 
 To rag, or to tear to rags. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 Equal. 
 
 To cheat. 
 
 To acknowledge a fault. 
 
 Hungry. 
 
 To beat or abuse one. 
 
 In trouble or difficulty. 
 
 The face. 
 
 Recovering, or improving. 
 
 An egotist. 
 
 Cheerful, humorous. 
 
 It may do for want of better- 
 To stab, or knock. 
 
 Legs boots. 
 
 Courage or spirit Cowardly 
 
 Refused a degree. 
 
 ^100,000 ,50,000. 
 
 It is gone directly, or alto- 
 gether. 
 
 To do more than usual. 
 
 The mouth. 
 
 To beat down a price. 
 
 Excellent. 
 
 To write, or speak false 
 grammar. 
 
 In a fright, or confusion. 
 
 In good time. 
 
 To take one before a magis- 
 trate. 
 
 He is vain of his wealth. 
 
 Puzzled. 
 
 He is governed by his wife. 
 
 To puzzle, or confound. 
 
 Wrong, improper. 
 
 A trick an odd fellow. 
 
 To abuse, or calumniate. 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 171 
 
 A Rap. 
 
 To raps 
 
 That is a rapper. 
 
 Ratting. 
 
 His rib has too muck of the 
 red rag. 
 
 To rib-roast. 
 
 R ffl- ra ff> or tag, rag, and bob- 
 tail. 
 
 A rig. 
 
 A rip. 
 
 A roaring trade. 
 To roast. 
 To rule the roast. 
 A roger. 
 A sad dog. 
 
 St. Geoffrey's day, or to-mor- 
 row-come-never. 
 Sauce-box. 
 Scab scamp. 
 
 He makes himself scarce. 
 
 To sconce. 
 
 To scout an idea. 
 
 To get into a scrape. 
 
 To come to the scratch. 
 
 Seedy, [run to seed.] 
 
 To serve one out. 
 
 To settle A settler. 
 
 Sharp-set. 
 
 A young shaver. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 A false oath, a halfpenny, a 
 
 knock. 
 To curse. 
 
 That is a great lie. 
 Changing parties underhand 
 His wife is too talkative. 
 
 To beat. 
 Low people. 
 
 A trick, or piece of fun. 
 A lean horse, or a shabby 
 
 fellow. 
 A good business. 
 To banter, or jeer. 
 To be master. 
 A portmanteau, or a^oose. 
 A profligate. 
 Never. 
 
 A bold impudent person. 
 
 A worthless person a foot- 
 pad. 
 
 He is seldom seen. 
 
 To skulk, to impose a' fine. 
 
 To reject an idea with eon- 
 tempt. 
 
 To be involved in a disa- 
 greeable affair. 
 
 To be in proper time. 
 
 Poor, mean, shabbily dressed 
 
 To beat,' to foil, to kill. 
 
 To finish a finishing stroke 
 
 Hungry. 
 
 A boy. 
 
178 
 
 SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 To cast a sheep's eye. 
 
 To sherk, or to sherry off. 
 
 Shilly-shally. 
 
 To sing out to sing small. 
 
 Sir and eight-pence. 
 
 At sixes and sevens. 
 
 Thin-skinned. 
 
 Skin-flint. 
 
 Skit. 
 
 Slap-dash slap -bang. 
 
 Upon the sly. 
 
 Sly-boots. 
 
 A smack smack. 
 
 To smash all to smash. 
 
 To go snacks. 
 
 Smutty. 
 
 To snivel. 
 
 To squash, or squabash. 
 
 To sound, or pump. 
 
 To have a spell at it. 
 A spice* 
 
 Spliced, [sea term.] 
 Spunk. 
 
 A spoony spoony. 
 To spout. 
 A spree. 
 
 Square, or fair and square. 
 Square-toes. 
 Run to a stand-still. 
 Sticks. 
 
 Stock and block, of stoop and 
 roop. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 To look wistfully. 
 
 To evade, or run away. 
 
 Irresolute. 
 
 To call aloud to be hum- 
 bled. 
 
 An attorney. 
 
 In confusion. 
 
 Peevish, easily irritated. 
 
 An avaricious person. 
 
 A joke a romping girl. 
 
 Instantly, or suddenly. 
 
 Privately. 
 
 A cunning, but simple look- 
 ing person. 
 
 A kiss, a blow sudden. 
 
 To break all to pieces. 
 
 To be partners. 
 
 Indecent. 
 
 To whine, or complain. 
 
 To quash, or suppress. 
 
 To obtain intelligence cun- 
 ningly. 
 
 To make a trial of it. 
 
 A small quantity. 
 
 Married. 
 
 Spirit, courage. 
 
 A fool nonsensical. 
 
 To recite, or to pawn. 
 
 A frolic. 
 
 Right, fair, honest. 
 
 An old man. 
 
 Stopped, ruined. 
 
 Household furniture. 
 
 The whole. 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 
 
 173 
 
 VULGAR. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 Stone as ' stone-dead, stone- 
 
 Quite. 
 
 blind, and stone-still. 
 
 
 Strait-laced. 
 
 Precise, prudish. 
 
 To stump. 
 
 To boast, or lie. 
 
 Tantrums. 
 
 Pet, or passion. 
 
 By rule of thumb. 
 
 By habit, or at random. 
 
 Tick. 
 
 Credit. 
 
 To tip. [this is very vulgar.] 
 
 To give or lend. 
 
 Tip- top. 
 
 The best. 
 
 Toggsr. 
 
 A great coat. 
 
 To touch the ready. 
 
 To receive money. 
 
 Up to trap. 
 
 Informed, knowing. 
 
 Trimming -a trimming. 
 
 Changing sides a beating. 
 
 Trim in good trim. 
 
 Plight in good plight. 
 
 To tweak, or twig. 
 
 To pull, or fillip. 
 
 To twit. 
 
 To reproach. 
 
 Upper story. 
 
 The head. 
 
 Uppish. 
 
 Testy, proud. 
 
 A warm man. 
 
 A rich man. 
 
 To whip off, or to whip away. 
 
 To drink off, or to ruu away. 
 
 To wet one's whistle. 
 
 To drink. 
 
 A white lie. 
 
 A harmless lie. 
 
 A wild-goose chase. 
 
 An uncertain pursuit. 
 
 To wear the willow. 
 
 To be left by a lover. 
 
 A windfall. 
 
 A legacy, or something un- 
 
 
 expected. 
 
 A wipe.' 
 
 A blow, a reproach. 
 
 A wiseacre. 
 
 A self-conceited fellow. 
 
 Woundily 
 
 Very. 
 
 IVrap-rascal 
 
 A cloak. 
 
 To spin a yarn. 
 
 To tell a story. 
 
 Young in the business. 
 
 Inexperienced. 
 
 In making this table, I have, in most in- 
 
174 SLANG VULGARITIES, 
 
 stances, avoided those slang terms and ex- 
 pressions which are more peculiar to profli- 
 gates, as a secret language for the purposes 
 of concealment; and in order to make the 
 corrections more practically useful, I have in- 
 troduced many which can only be considered as 
 slang in consequence of their origin and appli- 
 cation. Miss Edgeworth, in her ingenious Essay 
 on Irish bulls, remarks that the common people 
 in Ireland usually speak in metaphor, or put 
 one thing for another., as in the instance, " Will 
 you sky a copper, Jack V "I gave it him up 
 to Harry in the bread basket" Now all me- 
 taphor of this kind is undoubted slang, which 
 indeed we may admire as characteristic of 
 fancy and ingenuity in a low Irishman; but 
 the least taint of which will tarnish the lustre 
 of polite conversation. Metaphor, or terms of 
 expression where the words mean differently 
 from their common signification, must never 
 be derived from low ideas, nor must they be 
 such as are current in vulgar society. Lord 
 Chesterfield, who, though he was a master of 
 polite conduct, was not always select or elegant 
 in his expressions, exemplifies what I mean 
 when he says, " Never talk of your own or 
 other people's domestic affairs : yours are no- 
 thing to them but tedious ) theirs are nothing 
 
SLANG VULGARITIES. 175 
 
 to you. It is a tender subject, and it is a 
 chanee you do not touch somebody or other s 
 sore place" The idea of a sore suggested by 
 this metaphor is no less vulgar than disgusting, 
 and is very similar to the vulgar proverb, " let 
 the galVd jade wincey The same idea is 
 sometimes expressed, rather less objectionably, 
 by the phrase, tender point; but though this 
 is better than Chesterfield's "sore place," it 
 is by no means elegant. 
 
 It is upon the same principle that the vulgar 
 
 always turn every object into metaphorical 
 
 personages. It is well enough to call a ship 
 
 " she," and to talk of " her sailing ;" and to 
 
 call the sun " he," and to talk of " his rising ;" 
 
 but vulgar people call almost every thing " he" 
 
 and " she." For example " She is a pretty 
 
 coach, and I like her shape," for "It is a pretty 
 
 coach, and I like the shape of it;" "She is 
 
 a fine plough," for "It is a fine plough;" 
 
 " Snowdon has his summit hidden by clouds," 
 
 for " Snowdon has its summit hidden by 
 
 clouds ;" " She is an excellent sword," for 
 
 "It is an excellent sword ;" " She is a Manton, 
 
 that pistol," for " That pistol was made by 
 
 Manton ;" " She is a first-rate razor, I had her 
 
 from Kingsbury's," for " It is a first-rate razor, 
 
 I had it at Kingsbury's ;" " The Thames has 
 
176 
 
 VULGARITY OF MIMICKRY, 
 
 overflowed his banks at Chelsea/' for " The 
 Thames has overflowed its banks at Chelsea ;" 
 " The house is handsome, but her walls are 
 flimsy," for " The house is handsome, but its 
 walls are flimsy." All those " he's" and " she's," 
 except in the case of the sun, of ships, boats, 
 and a very few other things, are very vulgar. 
 
 It is indeed the most obvious characteristic 
 of slang and cant, to use words and expressions 
 in a sense different from the common, or to 
 invent new terms for those in common use; 
 and it is also a mark of slang, which cannot be 
 mistaken, that it derives almost all its meta- 
 phorical turns from low ideas, as the reader 
 may perceive in the preceding table, or in any 
 of the Police reports in the daily papers. " He 
 is knowing in horse-flesh" for example, instead 
 of "He has a knowledge of horses." That 
 it is much the same now as in the time of 
 Dean Swift, may be seen from his humorous 
 dialogue or drama, entitled "Polite Conversa- 
 tion," in which he ironically caricatures the 
 proverbial and slang expressions which were 
 current in his time. 
 
 Vulgarity of Mimickry, Jeering, and 
 Punning. 
 
 If you wish to be respectable, never degrade 
 
JEERING, AND PUNNING. 177 
 
 yourself by mimicking the faults or peculiari- 
 ties which you observe in the conversation of 
 others; for though you may succeed in ex- 
 citing a laugh, it will uniformly be at your own 
 expence, and never at that of the person 
 mimicked. Lord Chesterfield has justly re- 
 marked, that a joker, or a mimic, is near a-kin 
 to a buffoon, and he very propetly adds, that 
 neither of them have any relation to genuine 
 wit. Romping, loud and frequent laughing, 
 punning, joking, mimickry, waggery, and too 
 great and indiscriminate familiarity, will ren- 
 der any man contemptible, in spite of all his 
 knowledge and his merit. These may con- 
 stitute a merry fellow, but a merry fellow was 
 never yet a respectable one. Indiscriminate 
 familiarity will either offend your superiors, 
 or make you pass for their dependant ; and it 
 will put your inferiors on a troublesome degree 
 of equality with you. Besides, a gentleman 
 should know that a fine coat is nothing more 
 than a livery, when the person that wears it dis- 
 covers no higher sense than that of a menial 
 servant. A joke if it carries a sting with it, is 
 no longer a joke, but an affront ; and if it even 
 have no sting, unless its witticism be delicate 
 and facetious, instead of giving pleasure, it 
 will disgust ; or if the company should laugh, 
 
178 VULGARITY OP MIMICKRY, 
 
 they will always laugh at the jester, rather than 
 the jest. 
 
 Mimickry is the favourite amusement of 
 little minds, but has ever been the contempt 
 of great ones. Never give way to it yourself, 
 nor ever encourage it in others ; it is the 
 most illiberal of all buffoonery ; it is an insult 
 to the person you mimic, and insults of this 
 kind are never forgiven. 
 
 A wag is one who laughs at the first thing he 
 hears ; not because it is ridiculous, but because 
 he is under a necessity of laughing, to keep 
 himself in countenance ; and his gaiety consists 
 in a certain professed ill-breeding, as if it were 
 an excuse for a fault, that a man knows he 
 has committed one. Being too shallow to 
 draw any occasion of merriment out of his 
 own thoughts, his mind is always prepared to 
 receive some occasion from others ; and rather 
 than not be grinning, he will search for an oc- 
 casion at any distance. He is ever guessing 
 how well such a lady slept last night, what she 
 dreamed of, and how much such a young fellow 
 is pleased with himself, on account of a smile 
 from his sweetheart, or the new fashioned cut 
 of his coat : in short, he is a ridiculous fool, 
 whom every man of sense must secretly despise. 
 
 A mimic or a wag, then, being little less 
 
JEERING, AND PUNNING. 179 
 
 than a buffoon, who will distort his face and 
 mouth, or alter the tones of his voice, to make 
 people laugh, be very careful to avoid the 
 imputation. Be assured, no person ever de- 
 meaned himself to please others, unless he 
 wished to be thought the fiddle, or Merry- 
 Andrew of the company ; and whether this 
 character be respectable, I shall leave you to 
 judge. If a man's company be coveted on 
 any other account than his knowledge, his 
 good sense, or his manners, he is seldom re- 
 spected by those who invite him, but made 
 use of only to entertain. " Let us have such 
 a one, for he sings a good song ;" or, " he is 
 always joking or laughing ;" or, w let us invite 
 such a one, for he is an excellent mimic ;" 
 these are degrading distinctions, that preclude 
 all respect and esteem. Whoever is had (as 
 the phrase is) for the sake of such qualifica- 
 tions singly, is merely that thing he is had for, 
 is never considered in any other light, and, of 
 course, is never properly respected, let his 
 intrinsic merits be ever so great. 
 
 It is the aim of some persons, says Rogers, 
 to be continually striving to discover the side 
 on which, whatever is said, may be turned 
 into ridicule ; a discovery which may very 
 easily be made, even in the gravest subjects. 
 
 N 
 
180 VULGARITY OF MIMICKRY, 
 
 Thus with a single word, or an ironical obser- 
 vation, they blast the most ingenious and pro- 
 found remarks. By adopting this plan, some 
 men of the world obtain the reputation of 
 greater talents than they really possess. Not 
 liking that mere genius should obtain that 
 respect which, in the opinion of mankind, is 
 sometimes considered more due to it than 
 either to rank or riches, they break in by some 
 jest upon every conversation, which they find 
 attaches the audience to the person who 
 amuses or instructs them. With this view, 
 they are continually upon the watch for some 
 transient word, which may be turned to ridicule, 
 and generally succeed in bringing the conver- 
 sation to a fault. 
 
 This is the worst species of the habit alluded 
 to. It is a most decided characteristic of in- 
 ferior talent ; at least if it be not the effect of 
 a kind of policy practised by some men of the 
 world, and even by men of letters, the one, to 
 put a stop to conversation when it turns upon 
 subjects, the discussion of which is at variance 
 with their interest or their prejudices; the 
 other, to prevent the company from perceiving 
 their ignorance of the matter. 
 
 " As for jest," says Lord Bacon, " there be 
 certain things which ought to be privileged 
 
JEERING, AND PUNNING. 181 
 
 from it; namely, religion, matters of state, 
 great persons, any man's present business of 
 importance, and any case that deserveth pity ; 
 yet there be some that think their wits have 
 been asleep, except they dart out something 
 that is piquant, and to the quick : And gene- 
 rally men ought to find the difference between 
 saltness and bitterness. Certainly, he that 
 hath a satyrical vein, as he maketh others 
 afraid of his wit, so he had need be afraid of 
 others' memory." 
 
 Jeering, says Rogers, is another sort of 
 pleasantry, which may be considered as the 
 pest of conversation, and, consequently, of 
 society. It may be said to consist in rendering 
 a man ridiculous, by turning his discourse and 
 opinions, or the defects of his understanding 
 and manners, into a jest. Good humoured 
 raillery, which gives offence to none, when 
 introduced at proper times, and in a natural 
 manner, is a very agreeable seasoning to con- 
 versation. But this is rare, and we generally 
 find jeering substituted for it. How many do 
 we see who, to make a jest, will venture the 
 making of an enemy, or will rather hazard the 
 loss of a friend, than of a smart, but offensive 
 conceit. 
 
 Raillery ceases to be proper, as soon as any 
 
182 VULGARITY OF MIMICKRY, 
 
 one in company feels hurt by it. In that case, 
 it cannot be the offspring of a desire to please, 
 but rather of ill-nature. 
 
 " The French," says Dean Swift with great 
 acuteness, " from whom we borrow the word 
 raillery, have a quite different idea of the 
 thing, and so had we in the politer age of our 
 fathers. Raillery was to say something that at 
 first appeared a reproach or reflection, but by 
 some turn of wit unexpected and surprising, 
 ended always in a compliment, and to the ad- 
 vantage of the person it was addressed to. 
 And surely one of the best rules in conversa- 
 tion is, never to say any thing, which any of 
 the company can reasonably wish we had 
 left unsaid ; nor can any thing be more con- 
 trary to the ends for which people meet to- 
 gether, than to part unsatisfied with each other 
 or themselves." 
 
 Like all other affectations, the habit of 
 affecting to be witty is foolish and silly, and 
 is certain to render conversation stiff and 
 formal, instead of easy and agreeable. Wit to 
 be pleasing, must be natural ; and to be natural 
 it must flow from the fulness of a mind at ease. 
 A certain degree of carelessness is favourable 
 to it. If we search eagerly for a witty re- 
 mark, we shall generally fail ; for sprightliness 
 
JEERING, AND PUNNING. 183 
 
 and gaiety were never yet attained by a pain- 
 ful effort. To abandon oneVself to the natural 
 course of ideas, and the dictates of fancy, is a 
 sure means of pleasing in conversation, even 
 for those who have but moderate talents, and 
 whose information is not extensive. This pre- 
 cept is especially useful for young women, who 
 always speak well, when they speak naturally. 
 
 Neither is it evident that the continued 
 splendour of wit, if it could be attained, would 
 in conversation be either desirable or safe. 
 It would be apt to fatigue and dazzle, and to 
 render a man's companion painfully sensible of 
 the superiority of his talent. 
 
 " One of the greatest secrets of composi- 
 tion," says Dr. Blair, (and we may remark the 
 same of speaking) " is to know when to be 
 simple. This always gives a heightening to 
 ornament in its proper place. The right dis- 
 position of the shade, makes the light and 
 colouring strike the more :" the same is true 
 of wit. 
 
 The affectation of wit is most frequently 
 displayed in continual efforts at punning. This 
 unfortunate propensity, as Rogers justly re- 
 marks, is the bane of all good conversation. 
 Words cease to be, to the punster, the picture 
 of the ideas which they ought to suggest : 
 
184 VULGARITY OF MIMICKRY, 
 
 they are considered merely as sounds and 
 syllables. Thus a punster resembles one who, 
 in reading, sees the characters, and letters 
 of which a word is composed, but knows not 
 what it signifies. Punning, therefore, breaks 
 the chain of ideas ; for it is necessary to com- 
 mence another conversation on a new subject. 
 In fine, the punster is lost to society and con- 
 versation, he is occupied in spying out some 
 word as it passes, on which he may employ his 
 talent ; instead of which he might, by a diffe- 
 rent course, produce profit and pleasure, both 
 to himself and his companions, by attending 
 to the ideas and subjects, which are suggested, 
 and by contributing his share to sustain and 
 animate the conversation. 
 
 Perhaps, it would be going too far to say, 
 with Dr. Johnson, " that the man, who makes 
 a pun would pick your pocket," but I think, 
 that the desire of being distinguished as a 
 punster, is pardonable in those only who in- 
 dulge it with great sobriety, and who pun per- 
 fectly, and ingeniously ; a condition which 
 professed punsters seldom or never fulfil. 
 
 The play upon words, which is termed pun- 
 ning, appears indeed to be a decided mark of 
 a weak, silly, and frivolous mind. For instance, 
 to borrow an illustration from Chesterfield, if 
 
JEERING, AND PUNNING. 185 
 
 we remark that such a dress is u Commodious," 
 a punster would eagerly exclaim " Odious" 
 or, self-satisfied with his own ingenuity, he will 
 remark, that " whatever it has been, it is now 
 he-Com odious" If a punster is describing 
 a person, whose knees are naturally a little 
 bent inwards, he will think it a good oppor- 
 tunity for punning on the word, " Pyrenees," 
 and say, " Oh, Mr. A. or Mr. B. is a soldier 
 he was at the battle of the t( Pair o' knees" 
 
 We cannot rank the person much above a 
 fool who, in the midst of a serious discussion, 
 if a reference be made to an " Encyclopoedia," 
 would burlesque the whole by the pun of 
 " In sickly pay day" It is possible, in some 
 rare instances, to introduce a pun with effect, 
 and even with elegance, but as there are 
 usually, at least, a thousand failures, for one 
 successful pun, it is the safest rule to avoid 
 the practice, particularly as it is very apt to 
 become a confirmed and disagreeable habit. 
 Lord Chesterfield remarks, that other persons 
 much akin to the punster, will endeavour to 
 be witty by giving unexpected answers. Thus, 
 if you ask, " where is my Lord?" such persons 
 will answer, " he is in his skin ;" or, " he is in 
 his clothes, unless he is in bed." Nothing can 
 be more low and vulgar than this. 
 
186 
 
 VULGAR SUBJECTS 
 
 I conclude then, that though punning is the 
 lowest kind of wit, and ought to be very 
 sparingly employed, yet I would except the 
 pun which, 
 
 Laughing out, humanely will decide, 
 And turn commencing bickerings aside. 
 Such puns, the truly learn 'd will not revile ; 
 At such the wise may innocently smile. 
 
 Cooke's Conversation. 
 
 Vulgar Subjects op Conversation. 
 Although it does not fall directly into the 
 plan of this little work, I think it may be use- 
 ful to mention a few of the topics which ought 
 to be avoided in conversation, in so far as they 
 encroach on the great law of politeness and 
 good breeding, as well as of morality To treat 
 others, as we would wish to be treated in 
 return. By strictly observing this law, we shall 
 abstain from introducing any topic or remark 
 which may excite disagreeable or unpleasant 
 feelings, or give pain to those with whom we 
 converse. Even the slighter degrees of such 
 unpleasant feelings ought not to be awakened 
 by tiring the hearer with what he evidently 
 takes no interest in, or does not understand. 
 There are few persons, for instance, who will 
 listen with patience to details of your private 
 affairs ; and yet with many, this is the chief 
 
OF CONVERSATION. 187 
 
 theme of discourse. The fault, indeed, is so 
 common, that it has received the name of Ego- 
 tism, a term derived from Ego, the Latin word 
 for " I." 
 
 As egotism is so common a mistake in con- 
 versation, it will require to be carefully pointed 
 out in its various forms and colours, that the 
 reader may the more easily correct it. Upon 
 all occasions, therefore, if it be possible, avoid 
 speaking of yourself. Some, abruptly, speak 
 advantageously of themselves ; without either 
 pretence or provocation. This is downright 
 impudence; others proceed more artfully, as 
 they imagine, forging accusations against 
 themselves, and complaining of calumnies which 
 they never heard, in order to justify themselves 
 and exhibit a catalogue of their many virtues. 
 
 " They acknowledge, indeed, it may appear 
 odd, that they should talk thus of themselves ; 
 it is what they have a great aversion to, and 
 what they could not have done, if they had 
 not been thus unjustly and scandalously a- 
 bused." This thin veil of modesty, drawn 
 before vanity, is much too transparent to con- 
 ceal it, even from those who have but a mode- 
 rate share of penetration. 
 
 Others, again, proceed more modestly, and 
 more slily still ; they confess themselves guilty 
 
188 VULGAR SUBJECTS 
 
 of all the cardinal virtues, by first degrading 
 them into weaknesses. 
 
 " They cannot see people labouring under 
 misfortunes, without sympathizing with them, 
 and endeavouring to help them. They cannot 
 see their fellow-creatures in distress, with- 
 out relieving them ; though, truly, their cir- 
 cumstances cannot well afford it. They can- 
 not avoid speaking the truth, though they 
 acknowledge it to be sometimes imprudent. 
 In short they confess that, with all their weak- 
 nesses, they are not fit to live in the world 
 much less to prosper in it. But they are now 
 too old to pursue a contrary conduct, and 
 therefore they must go on as well as they can." 
 
 Now though this may appear too ridiculous 
 even for the stage, yet it is frequently met 
 with upon the common stage of the world. 
 This principle of vanity and pride is so strong 
 in human nature, that it descends even to the 
 lowest object; and we often see people fish- 
 ing for praise, where, admitting all they say 
 to be true, no just praise is to be caught. One, 
 perhaps, affirms, that he has rode post a hun- 
 dred miles in six hours ; probably this is a 
 falsehood; but even supposing it to be true, 
 it can only be inferred, that he is a very good 
 post boy. Another asserts, perhaps not with- 
 
OF CONVERSATION. 189 
 
 out a few oaths, that he has drunk six or eight 
 bottles of wine at a sitting. It would be charit- 
 able to believe such a man a liar ; for if we do 
 not, we must certainly pronounce him a beast. 
 Those who indulge in this sort of lying 
 reckon it innocent, as it hurts nobody but them- 
 selves ; but it is certainly the spurious offspring 
 of vanity and folly. Such persons as deal 
 in the marvellous, pretend to have seen things 
 that never existed ; they have seen other things 
 which they really never saw, though they did 
 exist, only because they were thought worth 
 seeing. Has any thing remarkable been said 
 or done in any place, or in any company, they 
 immediately represent and declare themselves 
 eye-witnesses of it. They have done feats 
 themselves, unattempted, or at least unper- 
 formed, by others. They are always the heroes 
 of their own fables ; and think that they gain 
 consideration, or at least present attention by 
 it. Whereas, in truth, all they get is ridicule 
 and contempt, not without a good degree of 
 distrust ; for one must naturally conclude, that 
 he who will tell a lie from idle vanity, will not 
 scruple telling a greater for interest. Had I 
 really seen any thing so very extraordinary, as 
 to be almost incredible, I would keep it to 
 myself, rather than, by telling it, give any one 
 
190 VULGAR SUBJECTS 
 
 room to doubt for a minute of my veracity. 
 It is most certain that the reputation of chastity 
 is not more necessary for a woman, than that 
 of veracity is for a man, and with good reason ; 
 for it is not possible for a man to be virtuous 
 without strict veracity, a lie being a vice of 
 the mind, and of the heart. 
 
 Nothing but truth can carry us through the 
 world, with either our conscience or our 
 honour unwounded. It is not only our duty, 
 but our interest ; as a proof of which, it may 
 be observed, that the greatest fools are the 
 greatest liars : and we may safely judge of a 
 man's truth by his degree of understanding. 
 
 There are a thousand such follies, and ex- 
 travagances, which vanity draws people into^ 
 and which always defeat their own purpose. 
 The only method of avoiding these, is never to 
 speak of ourselves. But when in a narrative, 
 we are obliged to mention ourselves, we should 
 take care not to drop a single word that can 
 directly or indirectly be construed as fishing 
 for applause. Be our characters what they 
 may they will be known ; and nobody will take 
 them upon our own words. Nothing that we 
 can say of ourselves will varnish our defects, 
 or add lustre to our perfections ; but, on the 
 contrary, it will often make the former more 
 
OF CONVERSATION. 191 
 
 glaring, and the latter obscure. If we are 
 silent upon our own merits, neither envy, indig- 
 nation, nor ridicule, will obstruct or allay the 
 applause which we may really deserve. But 
 if we are our own panegyrists upon any occa- 
 sion, however artfully dressed or disguised, 
 every one will conspire against us, and we shall 
 be disappointed of the very end we aim at. 
 
 It is not to be imagined by how many diffe- 
 rent ways vanity defeats its own purposes. 
 One man decides peremptorily upon every 
 subject, betrays his ignorance upon many, and 
 shows a disgusting presumption upon the rest. 
 Some flatter their vanity by little extraneous 
 objects, which have not the least relation to 
 themselves such as being descended from, 
 related to, or acquainted with, people of dis- 
 tinguished merit and eminent character. They 
 talk perpetually of their grandfather, such a 
 one, their uncle, such a one, and their intimate 
 friend, such a one, whom possibly they are 
 hardly acquainted with. But admitting it all 
 to be as they would have it. What then ? 
 Have they the more merit for those accidents ? 
 Certainly not. On the contrary, their taking 
 up adventitious, proves their want of intrinsic, 
 merit ; a rich man never borrows. Take this 
 rule for granted, as a never failing one, that 
 
192 VULGAR SUBJECTS 
 
 you must not seem to affect the character in 
 which you have a mind to shine. Modesty is 
 the only sure bait, when you angle for praise. 
 The affectation of courage will make a brave 
 man pass even for a bully ; as the affectation 
 of wit, will make a man of parts pass for a cox- 
 comb. By this modesty, I do not mean timi- 
 dity, and awkward bashfulness. On the con- 
 trary, be inwardly firm and steady, know your 
 own value, whatever it may be, and act upon 
 that principle ; but take great care to let no- 
 body discover that you know your 'own value. 
 Whatever real merit you have, others will 
 discover; and people always magnify their 
 own discoveries, as they lessen those of others. 
 The vulgar expressions which may be 
 ranked under egotism, have partly been men- 
 tioned in some of the preceding chapters, but 
 it may be useful to bring them together under 
 one view. They will very generally be found 
 to arise from the silly practice which many 
 follow, of always " speaking their minds." 
 Those persons will often say a rude thing, or 
 flatly contradict you, for the mere pleasure of 
 showing independence, or in other words their 
 egotism. This is one of the most offensive 
 forms of affectation, and will never obtain for 
 those who practise it any character, besides 
 
OF CONVERSATION. 193 
 
 that of selfishness and rudeness. I shall here 
 set down a few of the most common expres- 
 sions of this kind, which ought to be avoided. 
 
 Table of Vulgar Egotisms. 
 I for one. 
 
 That is my opinion. 
 I always like to speak my mind. 
 I am a straight forward man : I never go about 
 
 the bush. 
 To my thinking, or, In my mind. [Ungramma- 
 
 tical.] 
 In my poor opinion, or In my humble opinion. 
 I told him my mind on the subject. 
 I should think. 
 I should like to know. 
 I should be glad to know. 
 I should not wonder. 
 I think so, or I am sure of it. 
 I knoiv or I see, or J perceive. 
 I hope and trust. (Slang.) 
 J suppose, or I fancy, or I imagine. 
 I always look Jo number one. (Slang for " self.") 
 It occurs to me. 
 
 1 venture to affirm, or I dare say. 
 Til be bound to say. 
 I never heard of such a thing in my life. 
 Upon my word. 
 For my part. 
 I gave it him didn't I? 
 
194 VULGAR SUBJECTS 
 
 I am very lucky tint I ? 
 I always come in time don't I ? 
 Says I. (Ungrammatical.) 
 It is a question with me. 
 
 Such are only a few of the common egotisms 
 which might be enumerated. Some of them 
 have a meaning directly contrary to the literal 
 expression ; for " in my humble opinion/' or 
 " in my poor opinion/' uniformly signifies, " in 
 my proud opinion/' and is always understood 
 so in conversation. Rogers says, that Ego- 
 tism is too gross, either to be pointed out or 
 censured, but if this were the case we should 
 not find it so very prevalent. The road 
 which leads to it, indeed, is so smooth and in- 
 viting, that we are easily induced to follow it, 
 and we as easily pass the limits of the attention 
 and patience of our auditors. 
 
 Among the vulgarities of Egotism, may justly 
 be reckoned the annoying habit, which many 
 have of telling all their little ailments, and 
 complaints. This may be agreeable enough 
 to the complainer, but it is most wearisome to 
 the listener, as the subject is inexhaustible, and 
 is generally most copious when there is little 
 to complain about, as fancy always makes up 
 for the want of facts, or magnifies and multi- 
 plies the most trifling circumstance in endless 
 
OF CONVERSATION. 195 
 
 variety, All who are anxious to please in 
 conversation must carefully avoid this topic, 
 for nobody will listen willingly to complaints 
 of any kind ; and, least of all, to complaints 
 of sickness or of poverty. 
 
 There is one fault very nearly related to 
 egotism, which I must not omit to mention 
 I mean the spirit of contradiction and dispute 
 so frequently met with, particularly among the 
 young, and those who have obtained a smat- 
 tering knowledge of all subjects by miscella- 
 neous, but unprofitable reading. When this 
 unfortunate propensity to contradict and dis- 
 pute prevails, all pleasure in conversation is 
 at an end ; for every fact is doubted or denied, 
 and every inference and argument perverted, 
 by the pertinacious egotist, who strives for 
 victory, and triumph, and selfish exultation, at 
 the expence of truth, fairness, good-breeding, 
 and civility. Were such disputatious and con- 
 tradictive persons to reflect, that it would be 
 more honourable to gain a character for affa- 
 bility and pleasing manners, than for cleverness 
 in dispute, almost inseparable from rudeness, 
 they would, I am persuaded, strive to subdue 
 rather than indulge their propensity to con- 
 tradict. To insinuate that your opponent in 
 such disputes is ignorant, and knows nothing 
 o 
 

 196 VULGAR SUBJECTS 
 
 of the matter, or that he has some private 
 motive for his opinion, is both egotistical in 
 you, and a gross and unpardonable personality 
 to him. 
 
 I may be permitted, perhaps, for once to 
 break through my own rule, and use a com- 
 mon quotation, because it is the best thing 
 which I can recollect to begin with on the sub- 
 ject of indelicacy : 
 
 " Immodest words admit of no defence, 
 
 For want of decency is want of sense." Roscommon. 
 
 Under the term indelicacy, I would include 
 all subjects which may hurt the feelings of 
 those with whom we converse, by calling up 
 disgusting associations. It will, therefore, 
 comprehend many of those subjects which are 
 usually called " gross" and " coarse," as well 
 as those which are more strictly termed inde- 
 licate. Some persons take a peculiar pleasure 
 in not only using broad expressions, but in 
 turning their discourse upon topics that cannot 
 be thought of without disgust. I may instance 
 the detailed descriptions of national or provin- 
 cial dirtiness and filthy habits, which such per- 
 sons delight to give with faithful minuteness ; 
 while others are scarcely less culpable in con- 
 tinual allusion to them, and recalling, by this 
 means, the most disgusting associations. Mi- 
 
OF CONVERSATION. 197 
 
 nute details of carnage, or slaughter, and more 
 particularly the subsequent effects of these, I 
 consider to be of this kind, and unfitted for 
 general or polite conversation. Lord Byron's 
 well known lines may be taken as an example : 
 
 I saw the lean dogs beneath the wall 
 Howl o'er the dead their carnival, 
 Gorging and growling o'er carcase and limb, 
 They were too busy to bark at him. 
 From a Tartar's skull they had stript the flesh, 
 As you peel a fig when the fruit is fresh : 
 And their white tusks cranch'd o'er the whiter skull, 
 While they mumbled the bones as their edge grew dull, 
 * * * * 
 
 The Tartar's skull's in the wild dog's maw, 
 And the hair around his tangled jaw. 
 
 Siege of Corinth. 
 
 It is creditable to the present fashion, that 
 immodest and indelicate conversation is pro- 
 scribed in all companies, and improper songs 
 and lewd anecdotes no longer disgrace the 
 table after the ladies have retired to the draw- 
 ing-room, which was formerly the signal for 
 giving way to unbounded licentiousness of con- 
 versation. The coarse jest and the lewd song- 
 are now banished to the tavern and the tap- 
 room, and are no longer heard among gentle- 
 men who have any pretension to good manners. 
 
 As is the case with swearing, indeed, some 
 o % 
 
198 VULGAR SUBJECTS 
 
 hoary disciple of the old school may by chance 
 be still met with, who will indulge in immodest 
 speeches, and the kind of mincing allusions 
 which the French call double entendre; but 
 such persons usually find their supposed jests 
 to give offence rather than produce laughter ; 
 and their coarse and indecent vulgarity makes 
 them shunned rather than courted. 
 
 It is a strong mark of vulgarity, as well as of 
 a frivolous mind, to dwell on minute circum- 
 stances, of no importance to the subject talked 
 of. A person who is given to this, is eager to 
 set everybody right in the exactness of dates 
 and places, and can always prove his silly 
 trifles with a number of circumstances, which 
 few besides himself would have troubled their 
 memory with. For example, " The illumina- 
 tion for the peace happened on that very 
 night } for I remember I was at the Chapter 
 coffee-house with a cousin of mine, who had 
 come down out of Suffolk to see it No, I am 
 wrong it was not the Chapter, it was Peel's 
 but Mr. Hill was with us, and he can tell 
 / think it was Peel's, however ; but no matter 
 for all that, the thing's the same ; though now 
 I think of it, it must have been Peel's, for I 
 remember we had a muffin with our tea no a 
 crumpet, I dare say it was before we went out 
 to see what was to be seen. 3 ' Another person 
 
OF CONVERSATION. 199 
 
 will show you that a particular event happened 
 precisely " Not at seven o'clock, but ten mi- 
 nutes before ; because, if you remember, a man 
 was calling oysters at the very time; and it 
 could not at least be seven, for tea was not then 
 announced, and seven, to a minute, is the tea 
 hour with him all the year round, except on 
 Sundays, when eight is more convenient!' Or, 
 " / must beg your pardon, Sir, for contradict- 
 ing you, but it must be after nine; for I saw 
 him at St. Paul's exactly as the clock struck 
 the quarter past" Shakspeare furnishes us 
 with a well marked example of this in the fol- 
 lowing speech, addressed to Sir John Falstaff: 
 (< Hostess. Thou didst swear to me upon 
 a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin 
 chamber, at the round table by a sea-coal 
 fire, upon the Wednesday, in Whitsun-week, 
 when the Prince broke thy head for liking his 
 father to a singing-man of Windsor; thou 
 didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy 
 wound, to marry me, and make me my lady, 
 thy wife. Canst thou deny it ? Did not good 
 wife Keech, the butcher's wife, come in then, 
 and call me gossip Quickly coming in to 
 borrow a mess of vinegar ; telling us she had 
 a good dish of prawns ; whereby thou didst 
 desire to eat some ; whereby I told thee they 
 
200 VULGAR SUBJECTS 
 
 were ill for a green-wound ? And didst thou 
 not, when she was gone down stairs, desire me 
 to be no more so familiarity with such poor 
 people ; saying, that ere long they should call 
 me madam ?" Henry IV. Part 2. 
 
 It is this sort of trifling gossip which fills up 
 the conversation of many, and stamps them 
 with vulgarity and silliness. It is the same 
 spirit which introduces so many useless words, 
 of which Swift gives the following example; 
 and, I doubt not, the reader will recollect 
 hearing a number of a similar kind : 
 
 " Sir John Linger. Ffaith, one of your 
 finical London blades dined with me last year, 
 in Derbyshire ; so after dinner, I took a pipe ; 
 so my gentleman turned away his head: so, 
 said I, What, Sir, do you never smoke ? So 9 
 he answered, as you do, Colonel, 2Vb, but I 
 sometimes take a pipe. So, he took a pipe in 
 his hand, and fiddled with it till he broke it: 
 so, said I, Pray, Sir, can you make a pipe ? 
 So, he said, No : so, said I, Why then, Sir, 
 if you cant make a pipe, you should not break 
 a pipe ; so, we all laughed'* 
 
 It is very characteristic of vulgar gossip to 
 mention all the trivial questions and answers 
 which occurred in conversation, and there is 
 consequently an interminable series of such 
 
OF CONVERSATION. 201 
 
 words as so, and then, he said, I said, well, 
 very well, &c. Shakspeare gives us a speech 
 by Dame Quickly, very characteristic of the 
 vulgar gossiping repetitions of trifling remarks : 
 
 " Hostess. Never tell me ; your ancient 
 swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was 
 before Master Tisick, the Deputy, the other 
 day, and as he said to me it was no longer ago 
 than Wednesday last 'Neighbour Quickly/ 
 says he; Master Dumbs, our minister, was 
 by then ; ' Neighbour Quickly/ says he, c re- 
 ceive those that are civil; for/ says he, 'you 
 are in an ill name;' now he said so, I can 
 tell whereupon ; ' for/ says he, * you are 
 an honest woman, and well thought on ; 
 therefore take heed what guests you receive. 
 Receive/ says he, ' no swaggering compa- 
 nions.' There comes none here ; you would 
 bless you to hear what he said: no, I'll no 
 swaggerers/' Henry IV. Part 2. 
 
 Conversation of this vulgar cast, is always 
 digressing from the leading subject to the 
 most irrelevant topics; an evident proof of 
 an unsettled and silly mind. The following 
 example, from Shakspeare, exhibits this in a 
 ludicrous point of view : 
 
 " Shallow. I saw him break Skogan's head 
 at the Court-gate, when he was a crack not 
 
202 VULGAR SUBJECTS, &C. 
 
 this high: and the very same day did I fight 
 with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer, be- 
 hind Gray's-inn. O the mad days that I have 
 spent ! and to see how many of mine old ac- 
 quaintance are dead. 
 
 i( Silence. We shall all follow, cousin. 
 
 " Shallow. Certain, 'tis certain, very sure, 
 very sure ; death (as the Psalmist saith) is cer- 
 tain to all : all shall die. How a good yoke of 
 bullocks at Stamford fair ? 
 
 " Slender. Truly, cousin, I was not there. 
 
 " Shallow. Death is certain Is old Double 
 of your town living yet ? 
 
 " Silence. Dead, Sir. 
 
 "Shallow. Dead! See, see; he drew a 
 good bow : and dead. He shot a fine shot. 
 How a score of ewes now ? 
 
 " Silence. Thereafter as they may be. A 
 score of good ewes may be worth ten pounds. 
 
 " Shallow. And is old Double dead ?" 
 
 Henry IV. Part 2. 
 
 It would be ridiculous to say that all con- 
 versation should be kept to stiff and systematic 
 formality ; but ease and freedom are perfectly 
 consistent with correctness, and there may be 
 an unbounded variety without vulgarly digres- 
 sing in the manner of Master Slender, Sir 
 John Linger, or Dame Quickly. 
 
ungrammatical vulgarities. 203 
 
 Ungrammatical Vulgarities. 
 
 It is very erroneously imagined that all those 
 who have been long at school, and received 
 what is called a good education, must have a 
 knowledge of grammar, and be able to speak 
 grammatically. With this notion, unfortu- 
 nately, facts do not agree ; for we hear every 
 day, people, who have received an expensive, 
 if not a good education, committing gross 
 breaches of grammar, and the reason has al- 
 ready been mentioned at the beginning of this 
 work, that though grammar is taught at school, 
 it is not practised. 
 
 It has been well remarked by Chesterfield, 
 of another class widely separated from the 
 well-educated, that people mistake very much 
 who imagine they must of course speak their 
 own language well, and that, therefore, they 
 need not study it ; but you will soon find how 
 false this way of reasoning is, if you observe 
 the English spoken by almost all English 
 people who have no learning. Most women, 
 and all ordinary people in general, speak in 
 open defiance of all grammar, use words that 
 are not English, and murder those that are ; 
 and though, indeed, they make themselves 
 understood, they do it so incorrectly, inele- 
 
204* UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 gantly, and disagreeably, that what they say 
 seldom makes amends for their manner of say- 
 ing it. It was not, perhaps, altogether gallant 
 in so polite a man as Chesterfield, to say that 
 most women speak incorrectly ; for though I 
 fear it is still true, yet in this instance, as well 
 as in law, truth has the air of a libel, and 
 should not always be told. 
 
 Since the fact then is indisputable, that it is 
 very common for all classes of people to make 
 mistakes in grammar when they speak, and 
 consequently to be guilty of vulgarity, either 
 from want of education, or from want of prac- 
 tising what they have learned ; I shall, in this 
 brief chapter, endeavour to point out the 
 more common errors in grammar, which occur 
 in conversation, without laying down formal 
 rules, or speaking in the technical language 
 of grammarians. I shall begin with an error 
 which is one of the easiest to correct and 
 avoid. 
 
 Nothing is more common, nor more offensive 
 to those who are well educated, than such 
 very incorrect and vulgar expressions as more 
 greater ; most beautifullest ; more prettier ; 
 most commonest; and many other phrases of 
 the same kind. The plainest direction which 
 I can give for avoiding this vulgarity is that 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 205 
 
 the word " more," should never be used when 
 the word that follows it ends in "r;" nor the 
 word "most," if the following word end in 
 " st." The word " more," also, must not stand 
 before "worse," for more worse is as ungram- 
 matical as more handsomer. It may be re- 
 marked, however, that the word " more" may 
 be correctly employed by leaving out the " r" 
 in the word following it, and the word "most," 
 in the same way by leaving out " st,'' in the 
 next word. It will, therefore, be equally cor- 
 rect to say, " This is the prettier of the two," 
 and "This is the more pretty of the two," 
 and " This one is the most beautiful ;" or 
 " This is the beautifullest." If you are anxi- 
 ous to be very precise and elegant, you must 
 in such cases select that which sounds smooth- 
 est, or is most easily pronounced. "Beauti- 
 fullest," for example, does not sound so 
 smoothly as "most beautiful;" and "most 
 fair," is not so smooth as " fairest." 
 
 This error may be explained, upon the 
 ground, that where one thing is sufficient 
 there can be no use for two, and, conse- 
 quently, when the expression "sweeter," or 
 "more sweet," is sufficient, there can be no 
 use for adding the two, as in the vulgar 
 phrase, "More sweeter." Upon the same 
 
206 UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 principle, zvorser, or more worse; and lesser, 
 or more less, are incorrect and vulgar, be- 
 cause the words "worse" and "less" being 
 sufficient, require no addition, and are pre- 
 cisely the same as more more bad, and more 
 more little, which nobody ever uses. Upon 
 the same principle, also, it is incorrect to say 
 chief est, because nothing can be greater than 
 " chief;" univer sailer and universallest, are 
 equally bad. The most common error of this 
 kind is committed in such phrases as the very 
 first, the very best, the very worst, the very 
 highest, &c. ; for it is obvious that the words 
 "first," "best," "worst," and "highest," can- 
 not have their signification increased by any 
 addition ; yet we hear this breach of grammar 
 every day. It arises from the principle which 
 I have often alluded to, of endeavouring, like 
 the frog in the fable, to swell an idea beyond 
 what it will bear. Upon this principle, then, 
 it is incorrect to say supremest, or more su- 
 preme ; extremest, or more extreme; or to 
 talk of the most superior, and the most ex- 
 terior. 
 
 The next grammatical mistake which I shall 
 notice as committed by the uneducated, may 
 be still more easily understood by those who 
 have no knowledge of grammar I refer to 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 207 
 
 the common vulgarity of using the words " no," 
 and " not," or " none," at the same time, as in 
 the vulgar expression, " I have not got none' 9 
 The proper expressions would be, "I have 
 got none," or " I have not got any," or simply, 
 " I have none," or " I have not any," without 
 the "got," which is usually reckoned a vulgar 
 word. Again, you will hear vulgar people say 
 " I shall not go no more ;" but the correct ex- 
 pression is, " I shall not go any more," The 
 word " never" must be attended to in the same 
 way, and should not be used at the same time 
 with " no" and " none ;" for it is vulgar to say 
 " I never saw it no more," or " I never had 
 none of it," instead of correctly saying, " I 
 never saw it any more," and " I never had any 
 of it." I may say the same of the word "no- 
 thing," which must not be used along with 
 "no," "none," and "never;" for it would be 
 vulgar to say "I did not hear nothing of it," 
 or " I never heard nothing of it," instead of 
 " I heard nothing of it ;" or " I did not hear 
 anything of it," or "I never heard anything 
 of it." 
 
 A little attention, and endeavouring to cor- 
 rect yourself when you make any mistakes in 
 the use of such expressions, will soon make 
 the correct mode of speaking as easy and fa- 
 
208 UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 miliar to you as the vulgar one ; but it may be 
 proper to tell you, that even after you are fa- 
 miliar with all which I have now told you, 
 mistakes may often be committed from not 
 observing when the word "not" is used in a 
 contracted form, as in the phrases, M It isn't 
 nothing" instead of "It is not anything," or 
 "It is nothing;" "I carcV do none of it," in- 
 stead of " I cannot do any of it," or " I can 
 do none of it;" "I won't go no more," instead 
 of " I will not go any more," or " I will go no 
 more." The same mistake is frequently com- 
 mitted by those who would not use any of the 
 expressions just mentioned, by separating the 
 two improper words, and keeping them at some 
 distance from one another in a sentence, and 
 at the same time turning the sentence back- 
 wards, in the awkward manner pointed out 
 above, at page 48 ; as in the expressions " He 
 has not arrived yet, I don't think," instead of 
 " I do not think he has arrived yet;" "The 
 weather will not be fine to-day, I o\orit think," 
 instead of " I think the weather will not be fine 
 to-day." This is a very common vulgarity, 
 even among the upper classes of society. The 
 same thing may be exemplified in a -variety of 
 phrases, such as " It was not built then, the 
 Asylum was not," instead of "The Asylum 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 209 
 
 was not built then ;" " It has not arrived yet, 
 the ship has not" for " the ship has not yet 
 arrived ;" " He does not intend to go, Mr. 
 White does not" instead of " Mr. White does 
 not intend to go." All of these expressions 
 have two " not's," and are also awkward and 
 vulgar, independent of this error, by begin- 
 ning at the end and going backwards. 
 
 The reason of this being considered an 
 error in English arises entirely from custom, 
 as the same principle does not hold in the 
 Greek and French languages, though it does 
 in Latin ; but it will be seen at once, that the 
 use of two " not's," or " no's/' entirely reverses 
 the meaning of an expression ; as, " I would 
 not on any account not obey ;" that is, " I 
 would obey." " Not nothing," therefore, means 
 u something/' and may be used in that sense 
 without impropriety, as in the expression, he 
 does not go there for nothing/' " I did not do 
 it for nothing," that is, * I did it for some- 
 thing/ ' consequently the vulgar phrase, " I 
 can't eat no more," means, " I can eat some 
 more," which is contrary to the intention of 
 the speaker. " I would not do it on no ac- 
 count," should be " I would not do it on any 
 account ;" " I shall not do it neither now nor 
 
210 UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 again," should be " I shall not do it either now 
 or again ;" " He does not come, if I recollect, 
 very seldom" should be, " he does not come, 
 if I recollect, very often/' or, " he comes yery 
 seldom." The expression, " I must not dis- 
 obey," on the same principle means, " I must 
 obey." 
 
 Among grammatical mistakes, I may men- 
 tion the use of one little word, which occurs 
 so often, that if it , be improperly introduced, 
 is a certain mark of vulgarity, I mean the 
 word " them," when it is used instead of 
 u these, 1 ' or " those ;" as when you say, " I 
 have done them things now," instead of * those 
 things ; or when you say, " them colours are 
 very pretty," for " those colours are very 
 pretty." The only way in which you can dis- 
 cover this error, and correct it, is to try 
 whether you can put " those" or " these" 
 instead of them, and always do so when you 
 can ; or it may direct you still better if I tell 
 you never to use the word " them," just before 
 the name of anything such as in the vulgar 
 expressions, " them houses," " them trees," 
 " them needles," " them books," for the 
 words u houses," " trees," * needles," 
 " books," are the names of things, and musjt 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 211 
 
 never have a them before them. The expres- 
 sion, " do you mean them ?" instead of " do 
 you mean those ?" is no less vulgar. 
 
 Another mistake in grammar very commonly 
 made, will be readily understood, when I tell 
 you that the words, " thee," " me," " him," 
 " her," " we," " them," must not follow the 
 words " am," " is," " are," " was," " were," 
 " be," or " been." It is consequently ungram- 
 matical and vulgar to say, " It was me" instead 
 of " It was I ;" or, " If I were kim" for If I 
 were he." I may also add, that none of those 
 words ought to follow " than," or " as ;" for 
 example, " he is wiser than me" instead of 
 " he is wiser than I." As this is an important 
 class of errors, which are very common in con- 
 versation, I shall draw out a short table of them 
 with the proper corrections : 
 
 , UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. 
 
 It is him. It is he. 
 
 It was them. It was they. 
 
 I am him you seek. I am he you seek. 
 
 It was ms that did it. It was we that did it. 
 
 It wa6 said to be him. It was said to be he. 
 
 It is- them who are in fault. It is they who are in fault 
 
 Is it me you mean ? Is it I you mean? 
 
 It may have been him. It may have been he. 
 
 It might be them. It might be they. 
 
 It was not her. It was not she. 
 
212 
 
 UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 U5TGRAMMATICAL. 
 
 Who is there? me. 
 
 It may be us. 
 
 I am her. 
 
 We are them. 
 
 It seems to have been him. 
 
 It is not me. 
 
 Those are them. 
 
 You are taller than Aim. 
 
 He is greater than me. 
 
 They are higher than us. 
 
 It is better than them. 
 
 Happier than her. 
 
 Not half so bright as thee. 
 
 A greater loser than me. 
 
 He can write better than her. 
 
 He is as good as her. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 Who is there ? I. 
 
 It may be we. 
 
 I am she. 
 
 We are they. 
 
 It seems to have been he. 
 
 It is not I. 
 
 Those are they. 
 
 You are taller than he. 
 
 He is greater than I. 
 
 They are higher than we. 
 
 It is better than they. 
 
 Happier than she. 
 
 Not half so bright as thou. 
 
 A greater loser than I. 
 
 He can write better than she. 
 
 He is as good as she. 
 
 To these examples, however, there are ex- 
 ceptions which will not be so easily understood 
 by those who are unacquainted with grammar, 
 but I shall explain them as clearly as I can, by 
 saying that when any thing is asserted of the 
 word before the " am," " is/' " are," " was," 
 " were," " be," or " been," the correct expres- 
 sions are the reverse of the preceding. Thus, 
 it is wrong to say, " I took it to be she," be- 
 cause something is asserted of the " it," before 
 the " be/' according to the following table : 
 
 UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. 
 
 I suppose it to be he. I suppose it to be him. 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 213 
 
 UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. 
 
 They believed it to be we. They believed it to be us. 
 
 They loved hirn more than J. They loved him more than me. 
 
 It is better expressed by him It is better expressed by him 
 
 than she. than her. 
 
 It is easier for him than J. It is easier for him than me- 
 
 By attending to these examples, and those 
 of the same kind, common mistakes may be 
 avoided, and you may generally know whether 
 you are correct or not, by filling up the sen- 
 tence ; for example, " he is happier than she," 
 by filling up the sentence will be " he is hap- 
 pier than she is," when it will at once appear 
 that you could not say, " he is happier than 
 her is/' Again, " they loved him more than 
 me/' is filled up, " they loved him more than 
 they loved me," when it will appear, that " I" 
 could not have been used. 
 
 I shall next give a table of expressions, in 
 which a number of little words require to be 
 followed in all cases by " me/' " thee," "him," 
 " her/' "us," " them/' and " whom," and never 
 by "I," " thou/' " he/' " she," " we/' " they/' 
 and " who." These vulgarities are very com- 
 mon in England. 
 
 UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. 
 
 He had it of 1. He had it of me. 
 
 It stands above they. It stands above them. 
 
 She was beside we. She was beside us. 
 
 p 2 
 
214 
 
 UN GRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 UNGRAMMATICAL. 
 
 They came after he. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 I gave it to she. 
 
 They were far from thou. 
 
 To vcho did you give it ? 
 
 They came after him. 
 I gave it to her. 
 They were far from thee. 
 To whom did you give it. 
 
 It may be as well to give a list of all the 
 words which must thus be followed by the 
 words " me," " thee," " him," &c. 
 
 Above. 
 
 About. 
 
 Across. 
 
 Against. 
 
 Among. 
 
 Amidst. 
 
 After. 
 
 At. 
 
 Athwart. 
 
 Before. 
 
 Around. 
 
 Below. 
 
 Beneath. 
 
 Beside. 
 
 Behind. 
 
 Betwixt. 
 
 Beyond. 
 
 By. 
 
 Between. 
 
 For. 
 
 From. 
 
 In. 
 
 Concerning. 
 
 Near. 
 
 Nigh. 
 
 Of On. 
 
 Into. 
 
 Upon. 
 
 Over. 
 
 Round. 
 
 Saving. 
 
 Through. 
 
 To. 
 
 Unto. 
 
 Toward. 
 
 Under. 
 
 Underneath. 
 
 With. 
 
 Without. 
 
 Within. 
 
 Those who have contracted the English 
 provincial vulgarities of saying " To i,'' " On 
 he" " Of they" should carefully study this 
 table, which will enable them to avoid the 
 mistake. The same rule renders it incorrect 
 to say, " Who do you lodge with V for " Whom 
 do you lodge with ?" " Who were you speak- 
 ing to?" for f( whom were you speaking to ? " 
 1 < The same words " me," " thee," " him," " her," 
 them," and " whom," must also be used 
 
 us 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 215 
 
 when anything is affirmed of them. It is con- 
 sequently ungrammatical to say, " He and they 
 I know ; but thou I know not f instead of 
 " Him and them I know ; but thee I know 
 not ;" for something is here affirmed of " him," 
 " them," and " thee." Again, it is wrong on 
 the same principle to say, "He who honours 
 me, I will honour ;" instead of " Him who 
 honours me, I will honour " because I assert 
 something namely, honour of "him." "He 
 who was in fault correct, not /, who am guilt- 
 less ;" instead of " Him who was in fault cor- 
 rect, not me, who am guiltless :" " They are 
 the persons who we ought to love ;" for " They 
 are the persons whom we ought to love." 
 
 Another grammatical error, which is ex- 
 tremely common among the vulgar, will be 
 easily understood when I say that the word 
 "for'' ought never to stand before the word 
 " to ;" as when it is said, " He intends for to 
 do it," instead of " He intends to do it ;" 
 " They went for to prevent that," instead of 
 U They went to prevent that ;" " She came 
 for to get the books," instead of " She came 
 to get the books." In the French language 
 this would be correct ; and the vulgarity ap- 
 pears, indeed, to have been borrowed from 
 our polite neighbours; but custom has ren- 
 
216 
 
 UN GRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 dered it quite intolerable to the ear of a well 
 educated Englishman. 
 
 When the words "and," "but," "or," and 
 " nor," come between terms which signify two 
 or more persons, those terms must correspond 
 with one another, according to the following 
 examples : 
 
 UNGRAMMATICAL. 
 
 It was him and I. 
 
 It was he and me. 
 
 I and her were there. 
 
 Me and she were there. 
 
 I took it to be she and they. 
 
 Wiser than both him and us. 
 
 As tall as her, him, and me 
 
 together. 
 It may be I and them, as well 
 
 as he and her may go. 
 
 Not she, but him and them. 
 Neither I nor them. 
 He or her may come. 
 
 CORRECT. 
 
 It was he and I. 
 
 It was he and I. 
 
 I and she were there. 
 
 I and she were there. 
 
 I took it to be her and them. 
 
 Wiser than both he and they. 
 
 As tall as she, he, and I to- 
 gether. 
 
 It may be that I and they, 
 as well as he and she, 
 may go. 
 
 Not she, but he and they. 
 
 Neither I nor they. 
 
 He or she may come. 
 
 In modern language, though it was not so 
 in old English, the word "who" follows the 
 name of a person, and the word "which" 
 follows the name of an animal, or anything 
 without life. Accordingly, in the Lord's 
 Prayer, the old phrase "Our Father which 
 art in heaven," would, in modern language, 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 217 
 
 be "Our Father who art in heaven." It is 
 better to say " It was the child which cried," 
 than " It was the child who cried ;" and it is 
 better to say " That was the state party which 
 advocated liberty/' than " That was the state 
 party who advocated liberty." " The man 
 which did it," for "The man who did it," is 
 very bad ; but I think it is becoming fashion- 
 able to use such phrases as, " It was the fox 
 who stole the chickens," for the grammatical 
 phrase, "It was the fox which stole the 
 chickens." Instead of "who," or "which/' 
 we may elegantly use "that" after the words 
 " some," " most," and words ending in " st ;" 
 as "It is the same man that was here before," 
 rather than " It is the same man who was here 
 before ;" " He was the most handsome man 
 that was there/' "It is the prettiest that I 
 have seen." 
 
 In the chapter on Contracted Vulgarities 
 and the Contrary, I have given a long table of 
 words which are extremely vulgar, and which 
 it is necessary to revert to again, as being un- 
 grammatical. I may exemplify this in the 
 expressions " I giv'd it to him when he com'd 
 home/' instead of "I gave it to him when he 
 came home ;" " I see'd him do it," for "I saw 
 him do it ;" " I have see'd it often," for " I 
 
218 UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 have seen it often." It is, if possible, still 
 more vulgar to say, " I see her yesterday," for 
 " I saw her yesterday ;" " I see him this morn- 
 ing," for " I saw him this morning." This 
 word seems to be very subject to vulgar mis- 
 takes, as we also hear it said, " I seen it my- 
 self,'' for "I have seen it myself;" "He told 
 me he seen it many times," for he told me he 
 has seen it many times." The words " did," 
 and " done," are mistaken in the same way, as 
 " He done it long ago," for " He did it long 
 ago ;" "I done it already," for " I have done 
 it already ;" " He seed them done it," for "He 
 saw them do it." By looking back to the 
 table at page 35, you will find a long list of 
 expressions equally vulgar, though, perhaps, 
 not so common as those which I have now 
 mentioned. 
 
 The next ungrammatical vulgarity which I 
 have to mention, I am not able, I fear, to render 
 quite so plain as the preceding; but I shall 
 try to make it intelligible, as it is of the utmost 
 importance in correct speaking. As a general 
 remark, then, I may say that when a name in- 
 cludes more than one thing, as in the word 
 "houses," or the words "they," or " those/ 
 you must not use an " s" at the end of the 
 word following it. For instance, it is ungram- 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 219 
 
 matical and vulgar to say "The needles b 
 bad/' instead of " The needles are bad ;" or 
 " They looks rusty," for " They look rusty/' 
 It is the"s" at the end of "looks," whicfr 
 makes it, in this case, incorrect. The wordi 
 " I" and " you/' also, must not have an " s" at 
 the end of the words following either of them ; 
 for it is very vulgar to say " I is going to town," 
 instead of " I am going to town;" or "I says 
 to him/' for "I said to him;" or "You be* 
 the very person/' for " You are the very per 
 son." You must never then, according to 
 this remark, say "The streets is dirty," for 
 " The streets are dirty ;" nor " The men who 
 works in the garden is going," for " The men 
 who work in the garden are going ;" or " Wo- 
 men easily believes a fair speech," for "Women 
 easily believe a fair speech." It will require 
 long and careful attention to practise this cor- 
 rectly, as there is scarcely a sentence which 
 you utter that you may not commit mistakes 
 of this kind; but as it is, perhaps, the most 
 important of all the others, a little care will 
 be well bestowed in avoiding the errors just 
 pointed out. 
 
 It will be no less incorrect and vulgar, on 
 the same principle, to omit the "s" at the end 
 of words following the name of a person or a 
 
220 TJNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 
 
 thing, where only one individual person or 
 thing is meant. You may find it somewhat 
 difficult to comprehend this ; but a few ex- 
 amples will help you to apply the rule to cor- 
 rect any mistake you may fall into ; and it will 
 help you also to understand it if you consider 
 it as the reverse of what I have just told you 
 about the incorrect use of the " s" after names 
 of persons or things, where more than one in- 
 dividual is included. Let us take the former 
 examples then, and it will be no less incorrect 
 and vulgar to say "The needle look rusty," 
 instead of " The needle looks rusty ;" than to 
 say " The needles looks rusty," which is wrong, 
 as I told you above. All such expressions as 
 "It do" " He do," " She do," are extremely 
 vulgar, and should be " It does," " He does," 
 "She does," because the " s" is to be used when 
 only one person or thing is talked about ; but 
 not when there are more than one. I may 
 remark, indeed, that the vulgar expressions, 
 " It look well,'' " She make a good servant," 
 " He like to go," are rather peculiar to some 
 parts of England ; while the incorrect expres- 
 sions " The streets is dirty," " The dresses is 
 badly made," are common to the uneducated 
 and vulgar classes in all parts of the three 
 kingdoms. When " if" goes before, all these 
 
UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. 22 1 
 
 are correct, as you may see at p. 228, line 26. 
 
 When two or three names, or two or three 
 subjects, are joined together with an "and," it 
 has the same effect on the following words as 
 if a single name had comprehended several 
 individuals. It will, therefore, be incorrect to 
 use an " s" at the end of the word which fol- 
 lows. For example, " The needle and the pin 
 is well polished/' instead of " The needle and 
 the pin are well polished;" "Both the field 
 and the street is dirty," instead of " Both the 
 field and the street are dirty ;'.. " My brother 
 and I was there/' for " My brother and I were 
 there." When the subjects are complicated, 
 this is not so easy for beginners. For example,, 
 when we use two subjects, " To avoid com- 
 municating with the wicked, and to associate, 
 as much as possible, with the good, is incum- 
 bent on all," instead of " To avoid communicating 
 with the wicked, and to associate, as much as 
 possible, with the good, are incumbent on all." 
 
 On the contrary, if the two individual names 
 or subjects are disjoined by the words "or," or 
 " nor," the " s" must always be used ; and, 
 consequently, it would be wrong to say " The 
 needle or the pin are very sharp," instead of 
 " The needle or the pin is very sharp ;" " Nei- 
 ther the street nor the field are dirty/' instead 
 
222 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 of " Neither the street nor the field is dirty f 
 " Either my brother or I were going," instead 
 of u Either my brother or I was going ;" 
 " Either to associate with the good, or to 
 avoid the wicked, are incumbent on all,'* in- 
 stead of "is incumbent on all." Upon the 
 same principle, when more individuals than 
 one are talked of separately, by making use of 
 the words "every," "any," "each," the "s" 
 must be added ; for it would be wrong to say 
 " Every one of them are going," instead of 
 "Every one of them is going;" "Any of the 
 three come" instead of ." Any of the three 
 comes ;" " Each of us have one," instead of 
 " Each of us has one ;" " Either of them 
 do,' 7 instead of " Either of them does." 
 
 I shall not, for the present, enumerate any 
 more ungrammatical vulgarities, as an attentive 
 study of those just pointed out, will enable the 
 reader to avoid the grosser errors which are 
 but too commonly fallen into, even by those 
 who ought to know better. 
 
 Provincial Scotch Vulgarities. 
 
 Many well-educated Scotsmen, who move 
 in the most polite circles in their own country, 
 take a pride in speaking the Scots dialect 
 blended with English, and when this is not 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 223 
 
 done from affectation, and a love of singularity, 
 it can scarcely be reckoned vulgar, though it 
 must require great attention to avoid low 
 and unseemly expressions. It is not with this 
 class of persons, however, that I am at present 
 concerned, but with natives of Scotland, who 
 endeavour to speak English, without any mix- 
 ture of the Doric dialect of Scotland, as written 
 by Ramsay, Burns, Sir Walter Scott, Alan 
 Cunningham, Gait, and other modern authors ; 
 and who in such endeavours mistake errors for 
 excellence. The following remarks will, I hope, 
 be useful in pointing out some of those mistakes. 
 Every province, every district, and even 
 every town and village, have a peculiar tone 
 of voice in speaking, which is called the ac- 
 cent, and which is, for the most part, disagree- 
 able in some measure to the inhabitants of 
 other districts and towns. Now this accent 
 can seldom or never be altered after an indi- 
 vidual has arrived at mature age, and when any 
 attempt is made to alter or amend, it gene- 
 rally makes the person ridiculous. No Scots- 
 man, therefore, who is above the age of fifteen, 
 or perhaps eighteen, ought ever to attempt to 
 speak with the English accent ; for if he do, 
 he is almost certain of going into ludicrous 
 affectation ; examples of which are numerous 
 
224 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 at the Scotch Bar, and among Scotsmen who 
 reside in England. In this way the original 
 native accent may be caricatured, or spoiled, 
 but the English accent can never be acquired : 
 the attempt is hopeless. Scotsmen indeed, who 
 vainly endeavour to attain the English, almost 
 uniformly fall into the Irish accent, and I have 
 known individuals of this description, who have 
 by strangers been taken for Irishmen. 
 
 Accent then must be abandoned as impos- 
 sible, and English must, by all Scotsmen, be 
 pronounced with the Scots accent. The pronun- 
 ciation, however, is in many cases very difficult, 
 and requires great care. In a few cases, it is 
 as hopeless, perhaps, to attain it as the accent. 
 The sounds most commonly mistaken in Scot- 
 land are those of " a," H o," and " u." In- 
 deed all the vowel sounds are frequently made 
 too long or too short, or have some other pe- 
 culiarity which spoils them. 
 
 The letter " a,'' for example, when pro- 
 nounced short, has properly a sound interme- 
 diate between " e" in " fell," and " a" in " fall," 
 but a Scotsman endeavouring to speak English 
 almost uniformly mistakes it for the first, and 
 pronounces " bad"" bed," " tax"" ten," 
 "lamb" "lernb? "black"" bkck," "hand" 
 " hend," " back" " beck," fat" fit? 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 225 
 
 " cattle"" kettle" This is miserable and 
 disgusting affectation, but it does not stop at 
 the words where the " a" is properly short, 
 but is foolishly carried into words where the 
 " a" should sound broad, as in " far," or 
 u water," and the affecting Scotsman will ac- 
 cordingly pronounce " command'' " com- 
 jnend" " demand" " demend" &c. This 
 broad sound of " a" is also given to words 
 where it should be short, as " wax" " wawx"' 
 " waft"" wawft."" canal"" canawl," 
 "lamb"" lawmb,"" dam" " dawm," 
 " many" " mawnny," " any" " awny" The 
 last two are very common affectations. 
 
 In the long open sound of " a," as in the 
 word " fare," similar mistakes are committed, 
 by giving it where it ought not, and altering it 
 where it ought to be. " Latin,'' for instance, 
 is pronounced " Laytin" instead of" Lattin," 
 " satin" " saytin? " habit"" haybit," 
 " sacrament" " saycrement^ " sacrifice" 
 " saycrifice," " any" " ayny" " many" 
 " mayny" " valley" " vaylley" sometimes 
 the short " e" is pronounced in the same 
 way, as in " when" " whayn," es then" 
 "thayn" "whence" " whaynce ;" "tepid" 
 " taypid" and sometimes again the long " a" 
 is turned into a short " e" as " lady" 
 
226 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 " leddy" Again, " fatal" is pronounced 
 "fawtal" " satan" " sawtan" &c. 
 
 The short " e" has, in some words, the 
 sound prolonged till it can no longer be recog- 
 nized by an English ear. A Scotsman will 
 not, indeed, readily mistake this sound in the 
 words " beg/' or " fell," but he will seldom 
 pronounce the words " bed," " leg," without 
 drawling. Another fault is the sounding of the 
 short " e," like short " i," as " min" for 
 " men," but this is not so common in Scotland 
 as in Ireland. This short sound is sometimes 
 also turned into the long, as " meedow," for 
 e( meadow," " cleenly" for " cleanly," " deed- 
 fy,"for "deadly," " heeven," for "heaven," 
 " deef* for " deaf," " leent," for " leant," 
 " steelth" for " stealth," " sweety" for 
 " sweaty," " weepon" for " weapon," " seem- 
 stress,''* for " seamstress," " leeden" for 
 " leaden,'' &c. This " ea," is in many other 
 instances a great puzzle to natives of Scotland, 
 and is very readily pronounced like the long 
 open " a" in " fare," as " dayth;" for " death,'' 
 " bayrd^ for " beard,"' " ayrly^ for " early," 
 " endayvour" for " endeavour," i( layrn" for 
 " learn," "paysant," for " peasant," " rehayrce^ 
 for u rehearse," " zaylous" for " zealous," 
 w crayture? for " creature," " ayger" for 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 221 
 
 " eager," frayk for a freak/' repayl for 
 " repeal," traylise for " treatise," trayt- 
 ment for " treatment," zayl for '* zeal," 
 bayt for u beat.'' In the few exceptions 
 in which the ** ea," is pronounced like " a' 
 long, Scotsmen mistake most of them, as beer 
 for " bear, 1 ' beerer for " bearer," forbeer 
 for " , forbear," sweer for swear," weer for 
 " wear," teer for u tear," and peer, for 
 " pear-" Scotsmen also, uniformly say, brek 
 for " break:" f< brekfast," is right, and not 
 braykfast. Scotsmen, also, for the most 
 part, err in pronouncing the " e'' in the 
 words enumerated at pages 28-31, above ; 
 and very often, particularly in the eastern 
 counties, in those at pages 40, 41. 
 
 The sound of " i" when long, as in " fire'' 
 and " fine," seems to be very hard for the 
 natives of Scotland, not so much from the 
 difficulty of the sound itself as from habit. It 
 ought always to sound exactly like " y" in the 
 word (i my," but the Scotch sound is very 
 different, as any Scotsman may at once per- 
 ceive by trying to pronounce u child," " mild," 
 " wild," &c. The peculiarity, however, is not 
 universal, and in some words, such as " fire," 
 pronounced feire, is confined to the eastern 
 counties, as near Edinburgh. In the border 
 
228 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 counties, as about Dunse and Dumfries, long 
 " e" has this anomalous sound, and is very 
 offensive to strangers, in such words as sey 
 for " see," mey for n me," tey for " tea," hey 
 for " he," &c. In some of the western coun- 
 ties, as around Paisley and Kilmarnock, the 
 same sound is still more offensively given to 
 iC oy" as in bey for " boy,'' empley for " em- 
 ploy/' jey for u joy," &c. Throughout Scot- 
 land, it is nearly universal to sound ie I," like 
 " a" in " father," as " A did not intend to go," 
 for ( ' I did not intend to go ;" and even the 
 most careful speakers, are apt to fall into this 
 vulgarity. It is Scotch vulgar-genteel, and 
 wrong to say " Louysa" for " Loueesa,'' 
 Georgyna" for " Georgeena," " Christynd' 
 for " Christeena." 
 
 The short sound of " i," however, is much 
 more difficult than the long sound to Scotsmen, 
 who can seldom acquire it after the most care- 
 ful trials, because they are almost certain of 
 either verging to the long sound of"ee" or 
 the short sound of " u." Thus we may hear 
 een, en, or un for (i in." The short sound is 
 the pedantic or vulgar-genteel, the long sound 
 is universal, and both are bad. As exam- 
 ples I may mention wheech, or whech, or 
 whuch for " which/' veesion, or vesion, for 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 229 
 
 " vision,'' deceesion or decesion for " decision," 
 eedea sometimes yedea for " idea," deeameter 
 sometimes day-ameter for " diameter." 
 
 The letter " o" is pronounced very badly by 
 almost every Scotsman. The long sound, for 
 instance , is uniformly shortened, and we always 
 hear smok for " smoke," alon for " alone" 
 mon, for moan/' ston for " stone," rodd for 
 * road," coll for " coal," bott for " boat," cott 
 for " coat/' nott for "note," lonly" 1 for 
 " lonely," &c. This is much easier to master 
 than the opposite error of sounding the short 
 " o" long, as in the words Gode for u God," 
 hoard for " Lord," doag for " dog," cone- 
 science for " conscience," conestable for " con- 
 stable." The short sound of " o" as in "not," 
 "lot," " wot,'' is precisely the same as Mr. 
 Walker remarks, with " a" in H what," to 
 which it forms a perfect rhyme. The words 
 " food," " mood," " soon," &c. are all 
 sounded long in England, and short in Scot- 
 land. 
 
 In some of the other sounds of " o," Scots- 
 men, for the most part, are greatly mistaken, 
 of which examples may be seen at page 1 1 . 
 Others are pruv for " prove," imprw for 
 Ci improve," but the most decidedly vulgar, 
 because it is always affected, is that of sound- 
 Q2 
 
230 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 ing the words door and floor, as they are 
 spelled, so as to rhyme with " poor," instead of 
 the broad Scots " dore," which in this case is 
 right, though not in u flore,'' that sounds pre- 
 cisely the same. In many of the words in 
 which the " o" ought to sound like H u" in 
 " but" Scotsmen sound it long, as in among 
 for " amung," comefort for " cumfort," come- 
 jmss for (i cumpass,'' covenant for " cuvenant," 
 doth for " duth," hover for " huver," nothing 
 for " nuthing," sovereign for " suvereign," 
 ivorld for " wurld," worse for " wurse," and 
 many others. 
 
 I have already, at pages 11-13, given many 
 instances, in which Scotsmen mispronounce the 
 letter " u," and as those are nearly all which 
 occur to me, I shall only mention two, in 
 which the sound of " u" is mistaken in Scot- 
 land, though both the words are spelled with 
 " oo," I mean the words " foot" vulgarly "fut? 
 as rhyming with " but" and " soot," vulgarly 
 rhyming with " moot," or " put" instead of 
 " sutt," rhyming with " but." When " course" 
 is sounded cowrse, instead of " corse," it is also 
 Scotch, and wrong. 
 
 The letter " y" is not so frequently sounded 
 wrong in Scotland as many of the preceding, 
 except, perhaps, at the end of words where it 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 231 
 
 is often pronounced as if faintly rhyming with 
 " day," as vanitay for " vanity," occupay for 
 " occupy," pleurisay for " pleurisy." We may 
 also hear steepend, for " stypend/' Seenot 
 for " Synod/' teepes for " types ;" " y" how- 
 ever, is sometimes by the Scots put where it 
 ought not to be, as yearth for "earth/' yedaya 
 for " idea." w W" also, is often sounded in 
 particular counties where it ought to be silent? 
 as w-rigkt for " right," w-rong for " rong," 
 and sometimes changed to " v," as vright, 
 vrong. But " w" is not sounded in Scotland, 
 in the words H towel" <l bowels/' which are 
 sounded to-el, bo-els. 
 
 The letter " t" is almost always left out by 
 Scotsmen in such words as fack for " fact/' 
 contract for " contract," subtrach for " sub- 
 tract," correck for " correct" direck for di- 
 rect, " compack for " compact." The letter 
 " a" is also left out in such words as an for 
 " and/' comman for " command/' and Stran 
 for " Strand." 
 
 The only other letter which I shall notice is 
 " r," which is sounded in a peculiarly harsh 
 manner by the Scots, in the middle, and at the 
 end of words. No directions which I can 
 give, however, could lead to any practical re- 
 sult in this case ; but I must caution the 
 
232 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 reader against sinking the " r" altogether in 
 attempting to soften it. 
 
 With respect to the stress of the voice, or 
 grammatical accent, the Scots place it at the 
 end, instead of the beginning, in the words 
 (t govern/' " harass," H ransack/' " cancel/' 
 "comfort/' "respite,'' "construe," "solace," 
 &c. ; and, on the contrary, place it atthe begin- 
 ning instead of at the end of the word in 
 " success." The Scots sound the word " as" 
 too strongly in the phrases " as much," " as 
 little," " as many," and " as great,'' and very 
 often also pronounce it ass, instead of " az." 
 
 I shall next select a few of the words and 
 phrases which are peculiarly Scots, and con- 
 sequently vulgar when introduced into conver- 
 sation pretending to be English, how proper 
 soever they may appear under other circum- 
 stances. In the lists which have already ap- 
 peared of Scotticisms, by Dr. Beattie, and 
 others, I find several words discarded, which 
 are certainly good English, such as the word 
 " notice" for " take notice," " narrate" for 
 " relate," " to appreciate" for " to estimate 
 or value," " to adduce" for " to produce," 
 " to restrict" for " to liberate," &c. 
 
 Scotsmen are most commonly accused of 
 mistaking and confounding the words " shall' 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 233 
 
 "should," " will," and "would;" but as Lewis, 
 a shrewd English grammarian, well remarks, 
 there are few persons in any part of the em- 
 pire who do not commit similar mistakes. 
 Originally, "shall" meant "owe," and "should' 
 " owed," and they still retain, in a great mea- 
 sure, this sense. Chaucer, for example, says, 
 "The faith I shall to God," for "The faith 
 I owe to God." Shall, therefore, signifies 
 present and should signifies past duty, ne- 
 cessity, or obligation, as in the expression " I 
 shall depart," that is, "It is my duty to de- 
 part ;" " I should go," that is, " I ought to go." 
 Will, or would, on the other hand, evidently 
 means desire, intention, determination, ten- 
 dency, or wish. Consequently, " You will do 
 it," means " You are willing, or desirous to do 
 it;" while, "You shall do it," means "You 
 are bound by necessity to do it." " I will go," 
 accordingly means "I am determined to go," 
 which is very different from " I shall go," as 
 before explained: yet a Scotsman will very 
 readily use "will" in such a case, instead of 
 "shall." " Will I help you to some beef?" 
 is accordingly wrong, and ought to be " Shall 
 I help you," &c. for nobody would say, "Am 
 I willing to help you," which is the meaning of 
 the first phrase. " I will fall if you do not 
 
234 
 
 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 assist me," means "I am willing to fall;" it 
 ought therefore to be "I shall fall," that is, 
 " I must by necessity fall." " Where will he 
 be?" means * Where is he willing to be?" 
 Better "Where can he be?" By carefully 
 attending to these distinctions, vulgar mistakes 
 in the use of shall and will may be detected 
 and avoided. The other phrases which I shall 
 select, will be most conveniently arranged in 
 a table. 
 
 VULGAR SCOTCH. 
 
 Rather go as stay. 
 
 Annual rent of money. 
 
 A missing. 
 
 I asked at him. 
 
 Stuck among the clay, or the 
 
 snow. 
 I lost altogether o0. 
 Almost never. 
 Almost nothing. 
 Again him. [also Irish.] 
 Nothing ado with it. 
 The better of a sleep. 
 I behoved to go. 
 By-table. 
 Before I would break my 
 
 word. 
 By-gone By-past. 
 Baxter, brewster, dyster, web" 
 
 ster. 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH. 
 
 Rather go than stay. 
 
 Interest of money. 
 
 Missing. 
 
 I asked him. 
 
 Stuck in the clay, or the 
 
 snow. 
 I lost in all 50. 
 Seldom or never. 
 Little or nothing. 
 Against him. 
 Nothing to do with it. 
 The better for a sleep. 
 I was obliged to go. 
 Side-board or side-table. 
 Rather than break my word. 
 
 Past. 
 
 Baker, brewer, dyer, weaver 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 235 
 
 VULGAR SCOTCH. 
 
 The hen is a useful beast. 
 
 [The word " beast" means 
 not apply to insects, birds, and 
 Black sugar, or sugar o' li- 
 quorice. 
 He condescended upon the sum. 
 
 [Law phrase.] 
 Cousin-germans. 
 He craved him for debt. 
 1 must cut out my hair. 
 I challenged him for it. 
 I quarrelled him about it. 
 I competed with him. 
 
 Her linens are fine. 
 
 I will go the morn. 
 
 Show me it. 
 
 She was married on him. 
 
 ifis-fortunate. 
 
 She misguides her clothes. 
 
 A misguided girl. 
 XW-guided. 
 A milk-cow. 
 Going to my dinner. 
 Monday Jirst. 
 Pocket-napkin. 
 Curt, curtly, curtnsss. 
 Bravity. 
 
 Cautioner, caution* 
 For common. 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH. 
 
 The hen is a useful animal, 
 a four-footed animal, and will 
 fishes, as is usual in Scotland.] 
 
 Liquorice-juice. 
 
 He specified the sum. 
 
 Cousins-german. 
 
 He dunned him. 
 
 I must cut off my hair. 
 
 I reproved him for it. 
 
 I questioned him about it. 
 
 I contended, or disputed 
 
 with him. 
 Her linen is fine. 
 I will go to-morrow. 
 Show it to me. 
 She was married to him. 
 Unfortunate. 
 She abuses, or sullies her 
 
 clothes. 
 A misled girl. 
 Ill-used. 
 A milch-cow. 
 Going to dinner. 
 Monday next. 
 Pocket handkerchief. 
 Brief, briefly, brevity. 
 Gaudiness of apparel. 
 Surety, bail. 
 Commonly. 
 
236 
 
 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 VULGAR SCOTCH. 
 
 Corn my horse. 
 
 To play cards. 
 
 He is cripple. 
 
 A coarse day coarse weather. 
 
 A pound of candle. 
 
 Conceived in these words. , 
 
 Dubiety. 
 
 I discharged .him not to do 
 
 it. 
 Discreet Discretion. 
 Debit me with it. 
 He sent in his demission. 
 Distressed with an inward 
 
 trouble. 
 He was appointed a doer. 
 He defeat the enemy. 
 The house is well situate. 
 Evite Expiry. 
 Fresh weather. 
 For ordinary. 
 She was a near friend of his. 
 
 Four-square. 
 Factor to Lady Moira. 
 The frost is slippery. 
 Failing him and his heirs. 
 
 A flower, [a bunch of flowers.] 
 Fog. [which grows on trees.] 
 A moss. 
 Greed. 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH. 
 
 Feed my horse. 
 
 To play at cards. 
 
 He is a cripple or lame. 
 
 A bad day bad weather. 
 
 A pound of candles. 
 
 Containing these words. 
 
 Doubt. 
 
 I forbid him to do it. 
 
 CivilCivility. 
 
 Put it to my account. 
 
 He sent in his resignation. 
 
 Pained with an internal dis- 
 order. 
 
 He was appointed agent. 
 
 He defeated the enemy. 
 
 The house is well situated. 
 
 Avoid Expiration. 
 
 Open weather. 
 
 Ordinarily, commonly. 
 
 She was nearly related to 
 him. 
 
 Square. 
 
 Steward to Lady Moira. 
 
 The ice is slippery. 
 
 On failure of him and his 
 heirs. 
 
 A nosegay. 
 
 Moss. 
 
 A bog, or marsh. 
 
 Greediness. 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 237 
 
 VULGAR SCOTCH. 
 
 Gentlemanny. 
 Gravy, Sauce. 
 
 Goat milk, cow milk. 
 Solomon has been a wise man. 
 
 Hatred at one. 
 
 I have no fault to him. 
 
 A coach and six horse. 
 
 Last harvest. 
 
 The neck of the gown. 
 
 I got it for half nothing. 
 
 I have the place in my offer. 
 
 She took the pox. 
 
 To plenish a house. 
 Pens. 
 
 Give me a clean plate. 
 
 The child roars. 
 
 I reckon it will. 
 
 Roasted cheese. 
 
 I have severals. 
 
 Sore eyes. 
 
 A sore head. 
 
 Some better. 
 
 Scarce of money. 
 
 Stingy. 
 
 Up the stair. 
 
 The church was throng. 
 
 I am very throng. 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH. 
 
 Gentlemanly. 
 
 [*' Gravy" is the juice of 
 meat " Sauce" a com- 
 position of ingredients.] 
 
 Goat's milk, cow's milk. 
 
 Solomon was, or must have 
 been a wise man. 
 
 Hatred to or against one. 
 
 I find no fault with him. 
 
 A coach and six horses. 
 
 Last autumn. 
 
 The collar of the gown. 
 
 I got it very cheap*. 
 
 1 have the place in my choice. 
 
 She was seized with small- 
 pox. 
 
 To furnish a house. 
 
 Quills. [Pens are quills 
 when made. 
 
 Give me a plate. 
 
 The child cries. 
 
 I think it will. 
 
 Toasted cheese. 
 
 I have several. 
 
 Weak eyes. 
 
 A head-ache. 
 
 Somewhat better. 
 
 Short of money. 
 
 Peevish. 
 
 Up stairs. 
 
 The church was crowded. 
 
 I am very busy. 
 
238 
 
 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 VULGAR SCOTCH. 
 
 I bad the cold and the fever. 
 
 I weary lo stay. 
 
 Butter and bread. 
 
 Cheese and bread. 
 
 A bit paper. 
 
 A burial. 
 
 Behind the time. 
 
 The clock is behind or before. 
 
 Gloves not marrows. 
 
 I got it in a complement. 
 
 Close the door. 
 
 Below your clothes. 
 
 I go the day. 
 
 The milliner's account. 
 
 A drink of beer. 
 
 -Dt'sconvenient. 
 
 In my favours. 
 
 Head or foot of the table. 
 
 I/eerasmell. 
 A servant's fee* 
 She cast it up to me. 
 What airt is the wind. 
 She is badly, or poorly. 
 
 A chapman. 
 
 A huckster. 
 
 It hurted me. 
 
 I am hopeful not. 
 
 Half six o' clock. 
 
 Five minutes from six. 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH. 
 
 1 had a cold and a fever. 
 
 I become weary to stay. 
 
 Bread and butter. 
 
 Bread and cheese. 
 
 A bit of paper. 
 
 A funeral. 
 
 Too late. 
 
 The clock is slow or fast. 
 
 Gloves not fellows. 
 
 1 got it in a present, or as a 
 
 gift. 
 Shut the door. 
 Under your clothes. 
 I go to-day. 
 The milliner's bill. 
 A draught of beer. 
 Inconvenient. 
 In my favour. 
 Upper or lower end of the 
 
 table. 
 I smell. 
 
 A servant's wages. 
 She upbraided me with it. 
 How is the wind ? 
 She is sickly, or in bad 
 
 health. 
 A hawker. 
 A chandler. 
 It hurt me. 
 I hope not. 
 Half-past five. 
 Five minutes to six. 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 239 
 
 VULGAR SCOTCH. 
 
 He was lost in the pond. 
 
 Indeed no. 
 
 In dwe Her In dwe lling . 
 
 Ink-holder. 
 
 He learned me grammar 
 
 He is still in life. 
 
 The project misgave. 
 
 Going to my bed, my supper, 
 
 &c. 
 Going to his, or your bed, 
 
 &c. 
 I do not mind his appearance. 
 
 This is no what I want. 
 
 That is not nccessar. 
 
 Overly. 
 
 The water of Ayr. 
 
 It makes a great odds. 
 
 Proven Improven. 
 
 In place of. 
 
 Pennies Halfpennies. 
 
 A piece bread, cheese f 8$c. 
 
 A queer man. 
 He roved in the fever. 
 Relevant Irrelevant, [law.] 
 A storm of frost lay on the 
 
 ground. 
 Spice. 
 
 Sweet butter. 
 Simply impossible. 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH. 
 
 He was drowned in the pond. 
 No indeed. 
 
 Inhabitant Inhabiting. 
 Inkhorn. 
 
 He taught me grammar. 
 He is still alive. 
 The project failed, or mis- 
 carried. 
 Going to bed, supper, din- 
 ner, &c. 
 Going to bed, breakfast, &c. 
 
 I do not remember his ap- 
 pearance. 
 
 This is not what I want. 
 
 That is not necessary. 
 
 Very, over and above. 
 
 The river Ayr. 
 
 It makes a great difference. 
 
 Proved Improved. 
 
 Instead of. 
 
 Pence Hal fpence. 
 
 A piece of bread, of cheese, 
 &c. 
 
 A comical or humorous man. 
 
 He raved in the fever. 
 
 In point Not in point. 
 
 It was a severe frost. 
 
 Pepper. 
 Fresh butter. 
 Quite impossible. 
 
240 
 
 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VCJLGARITIES. 
 
 VULGAR SCOTCH. 
 
 I sustained his excuse. 
 
 Tell the servants speak to me. 
 
 For my share, I say, &c. 
 
 He will some day repent it. 
 
 A woman's shirt. 
 
 But speak ye, or speak to me. 
 
 Where do yon stay? 
 
 Seeking his meat. 
 
 He subsists her. 
 
 I slipped a foot and fell. 
 
 TimeousTimeously. 
 
 She thought shame. 
 
 A penny the piece. 
 
 Tradesman *. 
 
 The sugar and the rum. 
 
 A timber leg a timber bridge. 
 
 He thinks long for it. 
 
 To-morrow's morning. 
 
 I turned sick. 
 
 He goes to the school and the 
 
 church. 
 He speaks through his sleep. 
 He was in use to do it. 
 He has got his victual in. 
 
 Paper 9 pen, and ink. 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH. 
 
 I admitted his excuse. 
 
 Tell the servant 1 want to 
 
 speak to him. 
 For my part, I say, &c. 
 He will one day repent it. 
 A shift. 
 
 But hark ye, or listen to me. 
 Where do you live, or lodge ? 
 Begging his bread. 
 He supports, or maintains 
 
 her. 
 My foot slipped, and I fell. 
 Timely. 
 
 She was ashamed. 
 A penny each, or a-piece. 
 A mechanic. 
 Sugar and rum. 
 A wooden leg a wooden 
 
 bridge. 
 Ho longs for it. 
 To-morrow morning. 
 I grew, or became sick. 
 He goes to school and church 
 
 He speaks in his sleep. 
 
 He used to do it. 
 
 He has got his corn, or crop 
 
 in. 
 Pens, ink, and paper. 
 
 * Tradesman in England means a shopkeeper, or one who 
 employs men to work for him. 
 
PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 241 
 
 VULGAR SCOTCH. 
 
 Versant, or versed in Greek. 
 
 Unformal. 
 
 I wrote him yesterday. 
 
 Not without 1 am paid. 
 
 He is a widow. 
 
 A wright, or square-wright. 
 
 I know his word. 
 
 A workman. 
 
 Whitsunday, 
 
 He never wants enemies. 
 
 An old [unmarried] wife. 
 
 Wrongous. 
 
 I witnessed the accident. 
 
 You was there. 
 
 A yard. 
 
 A vicious frost. 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH. 
 
 Conversant, or learned in 
 
 Greek. 
 Irregular. 
 
 I wrote to him yesterday. 
 Not unless I am paid. 
 He is a widower. 
 A joiner, or cabinet-maker. 
 I know his voice. 
 A labourer, a porter. 
 Whitsuntide. 
 
 He is never without enemies. 
 An old woman. 
 Injurious. 
 I saw the accident. 
 You were there. 
 A garden. 
 A severe frost. 
 
 The Scots are extremely apt to confound 
 the use of "these" and "those," because, 
 perhaps, the broad Scotch for " those" is 
 "thae" and for "these" is "thir." By recol- 
 lecting this distinction all mistake of the two 
 words may be easily avoided. 
 
 I must not forget to mention the common 
 Scots vulgarity of contracting all names be- 
 ginning with "Mac" or "M*;" for instance, 
 " Mrs. M'Grigor" is called " Mrs. Mack" 
 and " Mr. Macculloch" is called "Mr Mack" 
 or among his friends, "Mack" without the 
 
24<2 PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. 
 
 "Mr." I only know one other instance of a 
 similar vulgarity, which is still more pedantic 
 and affected, and is common both in England, 
 Scotland, and Ireland, among the vulgar- 
 genteel; I mean that of addressing persons 
 by the initial letter of their name, as Mrs. 
 M. instead of "Mrs. M'Grigor," and Mr. 
 M. instead of " Mr. Macculloch." In polite 
 society this would be an unpardonable insult 
 to the person whose name was so vulgarly 
 mangled. In talking of imaginary person- 
 ages, as may be seen at pages 50 and 75, 
 this may be allowed ; but it must never be 
 used to any person of respectability. 
 
 The Scots are peculiarly fond of such con- 
 tractions, as Int for "fni*," &t% for "Is it?" 
 Hes for "He is," -O'* for "Of it/' Vert 
 for " Over it," Dot for " Do it." In some 
 districts, as in Fife and the Lothians, this con- 
 tracted "t" is sounded "d," as dod for "do 
 it," does 'd for " does it." All over Scotland 
 this word, " does," is by the vulgar-genteel 
 pronounced doos, instead of "duzz," in the 
 same way as "says" is pronounced broad, as 
 it is spelled, instead of "sezz." 
 
 Before concluding, I may remark that a 
 Scotsman always makes two syllables of the 
 words " pearl, earl, world, girl, marl, whirl,'' 
 
PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 248 
 
 &c. erroneously, pronouncing payr-el for 
 " perl,'' ayr-el for " erl," wo-reld for " world/' 
 gir-el for "girl," mar-el for "marl, v whir-el 
 for w whirl," and chur-el for "churl.'' For 
 other Scotch vulgarities I refer the reader to 
 pages 11, 13, 19, 21, 42, 47, 155, 156, &e. 
 
 Provincial Irish Vulgarities. 
 
 The Irish accent, or brogue, as it is called, 
 is equally obvious with the Scotch, to an 
 English ear ; though there are neither so 
 many peculiarities of pronunciation, nor of 
 the use of words in Ireland as in Scotland. 
 Much difference, however, both of accent and 
 pronunciation prevails in the different pro- 
 vinces of Ireland, according as the inhabitants 
 happen to be chiefly of Celtic or Saxon, of 
 English or Scottish origin. In the South 
 and \Vest, therefore, the language is very 
 different from that in the North and East. 
 I shall first take notice of a peculiarity of 
 pronunciation, which seems to be of Celtic 
 origin, and is chiefly confined to the South, 
 or partially to the Catholic population of 
 other districts; I mean the sounding of "th" 
 like "t," and "t" like "th, v wherever an "r' 
 follows or precedes them. It will be most 
 convenient to give these in form of a table. 
 R 
 
244 
 
 PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 WORDS 
 
 VULGAR IRISH 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH 
 
 AS SPELLED. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 Thrash. 
 
 Trash. 
 
 Thrash. 
 
 Thread. 
 
 Tred. 
 
 Thred. 
 
 Threat. 
 
 Treat. 
 
 Thret. 
 
 Three. 
 
 Tree. 
 
 Three. 
 
 Threepence. 
 
 Truppence. 
 
 Threppence. 
 
 Threshold. 
 
 Treshold. 
 
 Thresh-hold. 
 
 Threw. 
 
 True. 
 
 Throo. 
 
 Thrice. 
 
 Trice. 
 
 Thrise. 
 
 Thrift. 
 
 Trift. 
 
 Thrift. 
 
 Thrill. 
 
 Trill. 
 
 Thrill. 
 
 Thrive. 
 
 Trive. 
 
 Thrive. 
 
 Throat. 
 
 Trot. 
 
 Throte. 
 
 Throne. 
 
 Trone. 
 
 Throne. 
 
 Through. 
 
 True. 
 
 Throo. 
 
 Throw. 
 
 Trow. 
 
 Throe. 
 
 Thrush. 
 
 Trush. 
 
 Thrush. 
 
 Thorns. 
 
 Tarns. 
 
 Thorns. 
 
 Thirst. 
 
 Tirst. 
 
 Thirst. 
 
 Thirty. 
 
 Turty. 
 
 Thurty. 
 
 Thirdly. 
 
 Turdly. 
 
 Thurdly. * 
 
 Thermometer. 
 
 Termometer. 
 
 Thermometer. 
 
 Straw. 
 
 Sthraw. 
 
 Straw. 
 
 Trace. 
 
 Thrace, 
 
 Trase. 
 
 Tract. 
 
 Thract. 
 
 Tract. 
 
 Trade. 
 
 Thrade. 
 
 Trade. 
 
 Trance. 
 
 Thrance. 
 
 Trance. 
 
 Transplant. 
 
 Thransplant. 
 
 Transplant. 
 
 Trash. 
 
 Thrash. 
 
 Trash. 
 
 Trick. 
 
 Thrick. 
 
 Trick. 
 
 Troop. 
 
 Throop. 
 
 Troop. 
 
 True. 
 
 Thrue. 
 
 Troo. 
 
PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 245 
 
 WORDS 
 
 VULGAR IRISH 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH 
 
 A3 SPELLED. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 Trust. 
 
 Thrust. 
 
 Trust. 
 
 Truth. 
 
 Thruth. 
 
 Trooth. 
 
 Troth. 
 
 Throth. 
 
 Troth. 
 
 Try. 
 
 Thry. 
 
 Try. 
 
 The Celtic Irish also sound " t" at the end of 
 a word like " d" and (( f" like "2?," as wid for 
 " with ;" iv for " if;" bud for " but." 
 
 The next mistake which I shall mention, 
 is common to the whole country, and in the 
 instance of some words is also a Scots pro- 
 vincialism, particularly in Galloway, where the 
 vicinity of the coasts has closely assimilated the 
 language to Irish. I refer this remark to the 
 mistake of pronouncing many words with the 
 long open sound of " a" in " fare," which should 
 be pronounced as long " e" in " me." The 
 words of this kind mistaken by Scotsmen, are 
 enumerated at page 226. As in the preceding 
 example of w th" and " t" those sounds are 
 also for the most part confounded so, that we 
 hear both a" for " e," and " e" for " a," as 
 in the following table : 
 
 WORDS - 
 
 VULGAR IRISH 
 
 CORRECT EN 
 
 AS SPELLED. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 Beast. 
 
 Bayst. 
 
 
 Beest. 
 
 Beat. 
 
 Bayt. 
 
 
 Beet. 
 
 
 R 
 
 2 
 
 
246 
 
 PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 WORDS VULGAR IRISH 
 
 CORRECT ENGLISH 
 
 AS SPELLED. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 Bleach. 
 
 Blaych. 
 
 Bleech. 
 
 Appear. 
 
 Appayr. 
 
 Appeer. 
 
 Dream. 
 
 Draym. 
 
 Dreem, 
 
 Rear. 
 
 Rayr. ' 
 
 Reer. 
 
 Eat. 
 
 Ayt. 
 
 Eet. 
 
 Easy. 
 
 Aysy. 
 
 Eesy 
 
 Cream. 
 
 Craym, 
 
 Creera. 
 
 Clean. 
 
 Clayn. 
 
 Cleen. 
 
 Mean. 
 
 Mayn. 
 
 Meen. 
 
 Stream. 
 
 Straym. 
 
 Streem. 
 
 Teach. 
 
 Taych. 
 
 Teech. 
 
 Speak; 
 
 Spake. 
 
 Speek. 
 
 Tea. 
 
 Tay. 
 
 Tee. 
 
 Please. 
 
 Flase. 
 
 Pleese. 
 
 Sea. 
 
 Say. 
 
 See. 
 
 Deceit. 
 
 Pesate. 
 
 Deseete. 
 
 Receive. 
 
 Resavc 
 
 Reseeve. 
 
 Sincere. 
 
 Sinsare. 
 
 Sinseer. 
 
 Supreme. 
 
 Suprame. 
 
 Supreeme. 
 
 Stair. 
 
 Steer. 
 
 Stare. 
 
 Great. 
 
 Greet. 
 
 Grate. 
 
 Baby. 
 
 Beeby. 
 
 Baby. 
 
 Swear. 
 
 Stceer. 
 
 Sware. 
 
 Tear. 
 
 Teer. 
 
 Tare. 
 
 Forbear. 
 
 Forbeer. 
 
 Forbare. 
 
 Prey. 
 
 Free. 
 
 Pray. 
 
 Convey. 
 
 Convee. 
 
 Convay. 
 
 Would. 
 
 Udd. 
 
 Wood. 
 
 Should. 
 
 Shudd. 
 
 Shood. 
 
 Could. 
 
 Cudd. 
 
 Cood. 
 
 Dry. 
 
 Dthry. 
 
 Dry. 
 
PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 247 
 
 WORDS 
 
 VULGAR IRISH CORRECT ENGLISH 
 
 AS SPELLED. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 Better. 
 
 Bether. 
 
 Better. 
 
 Strong. 
 
 Sthrong. 
 
 Strong. 
 
 Smatter. 
 
 Smatker. 
 
 Smatter. 
 
 Utter. 
 
 Uther. 
 
 Utter. 
 
 Cold. 
 
 Cowld. 
 
 Cold. 
 
 Bold. 
 
 Bowld. 
 
 Bold. 
 
 Old. 
 
 Owld. 
 
 Old. 
 
 Drink. 
 
 Bthrink. 
 
 Drink. 
 
 Storm. 
 
 Staw-rum. 
 
 Storm. 
 
 Arm. 
 
 Aw-rum. 
 
 Arm. 
 
 Harm. 
 
 . Haw-rum. 
 
 Harm. 
 
 Alarm. 
 
 Alawrum. 
 
 Alarm. 
 
 Realm. 
 
 Hell-um. 
 
 Relm. 
 
 Lucky. 
 
 Locky or Loocky. 
 
 Lucky. 
 
 Cushion. 
 
 Cushion. 
 
 Cooshion. 
 
 Put. 
 
 Putt. 
 
 Poot. 
 
 Come. 
 
 Coom or Come. 
 
 Cum. 
 
 Strove. 
 
 Struv. 
 
 Strove. 
 
 Much. 
 
 Mooch or Moch. 
 
 Much. 
 
 Drove. 
 
 Druv. 
 
 Drov. 
 
 Dublin. 
 
 Doblin or Dooblin. 
 
 Dublin. 
 
 Breadth. 
 
 Brenth. 
 
 Bredth. 
 
 It will be unnecessary to extend this table, as 
 it may easily be enlarged by such readers, as 
 may be interested in it by collecting all the 
 words, having the long open sounds of " a" 
 and " e." In the sound of " o" short, Irish- 
 men are no less apt to mistake, giving it very 
 commonly the sound of " a" in " far." For 
 
248 PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 example, we may hear crass for " cross," 
 across for " across," Lard for " Lord," Gad 
 for " God," &c. The following are a few 
 miscellaneous instances, which are very com- 
 mon errors of pronunciation in Ireland. 
 
 The words u mamma" and " papa" are pro- 
 nounced even by the middle ranks in Ireland, 
 as of the " a" at the end of the words were a 
 short "e," as in the word "then," or something 
 between this and a short " a," as in the word 
 " than," whereas the terminating " a" in 
 " mamma," and " papa," ought to sound like 
 " a" in " far." To a stranger this Irish sound of 
 " mamma" and " papa" is very offensive. The 
 same offensive Irish sound is given to " a" in 
 " ah," as <( ah ! now is it ?" In some parts of 
 Scotland, this sound of " ah r is as common 
 as in Ireland in Glasgow for example. 
 
 There is a peculiar sound of " u" common 
 in Ireland, particularly in the North, as about 
 Belfast, which I have little doubt has been 
 often remarked. It is not easy to explain 
 it, but it consists in sounding an " e" ra- 
 ther slightly before the " u," as de-oo for 
 u due/' te-oo for " two," tre-oo for "true," gre-oo 
 for "grew," ye-oo for "yon." This is very 
 vulgar. 
 
 The remark which I made relative to the 
 
PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 249 
 
 harsh and jarring pronunciation of the letter 
 " r" in Scotland, is equally applicable to Ire- 
 land; but I regret to point out a fault, which 
 it is, I fear, impossible in most cases to correct. 
 
 With respect to grammatical accent, the 
 only word which I can recollect at present 
 as very striking, is the word " character/' 
 which ought to have the stress of the voice on 
 the syllable " char/' whereas an Irishman al- 
 most invariably puts it upon the syllable " ac" 
 as if the word were written char-echter. The 
 same word I have remarked, is often pro- 
 nounced with an opposite fault, as if it were 
 written chareter the sound of " ac" being left 
 out* This error, I should think it almost im- 
 possible for an Irishman to commit. 
 
 The most remarkable peculiarity of Anglo- 
 Irish, I think, is the construction of the sen- 
 tences, derived I have no doubt from the Celtic, 
 though I am not sufficiently acquainted with 
 it to exemplify or prove the derivation. 
 The peculiarity which I allude to is that of 
 inverting the order of the English construction, 
 and saying that at first, which an Englishman 
 would say last, as in the example, " The boy, is 
 it, you mean ?" for " Is it the boy you mean ?" 
 This inverted order runs through the whole 
 conversational speech of Ireland, and if I had 
 
250 PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 room I should give a table of corrected exam- 
 ples, but I must be contented with this single 
 remark. I may mention, however, that it is 
 the same principle which gives origin to what 
 may be called the paraphrastic phraseology so 
 common in Ireland. For example, " and it is 
 just he sure who is the man that will do it." 
 instead of " he is the man that will do it." No 
 instances, which I can give, will be of much 
 practical utility for avoiding this vulgarity. 
 The reader must, therefore, depend upon his 
 own observations for its correction. 
 
 Another of the Irish vulgarities of Celtic 
 origin is, that instead of answering a plain 
 question simply by " yes" or " no," part of the 
 question is repeated. For example, if you put 
 the question " does it rain to day f the answer 
 will be " It does" or " It does not" instead of 
 w yes" or " no." If you ask whether the 
 mail has arrived ; the answer will be " It has/* 
 or " It has not" The words " yes" and " no," 
 indeed, seem to have no place in the Anglo- 
 Irish vocabulary. In this respect, the Latin 
 is somewhat similar. It would, perhaps, be 
 wrong to assert that this manner of answering 
 questions is always a breach of the English 
 idiom, but when it is uniformly practised, it 
 must be considered an Irish vulgarity. 
 
PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. 251 
 
 In asking questions, an Irishman has a great 
 predilection for the word " which," and em- 
 ploys it very often improperly, at least it fre- 
 quently sounds very awkward, though this may 
 be partly owing to the broad pronunciation, 
 nearly approaching to whuch. It is most out 
 of place when it is used, as it always is by an 
 Irishman, if he do not hear or understand what 
 you say. For example, if you ask indistinctly, 
 what it is o'clock, the Irish cross question, 
 " which ?" seems very awkward ; if you remark 
 in a low voice, that " Ireland is a fine country/' 
 you will probably hear this perpetually recur- 
 ring " which ?" as a counter-tenor to your 
 bass. The French in similar cases use " how T 
 [Comment ?] which seems no less awkward. 
 The vulgar Scotch say, " what's your will?' 
 and the more vulgar English, " what did you 
 say r 
 
 In exclamations, oaths, and bye-words, the 
 vulgar Irish is very copious ; but I must refer 
 to the chapters on those several subjects for 
 the few which I have thought it requisite to 
 mention, in accordance with the plan of this 
 work. It is not necessary, I conceive, to point 
 out such obvious vulgarities, as by the law; 
 by dad; sure and sure; Och, and indeed now ; 
 at all, at all ; Arrah ; Botheration ; Musha ; 
 
252 PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES, 
 
 Honey ; Jewel; &c, as none of those, who 
 may read this little book, can require to be 
 told that such expressions are as vulgar as that 
 of using the word boys for " bachelors," or a 
 sprig of shellalah, for a " bludgeon," ox purity 
 for " pretty," or once't and twice' I, for " once 
 and twice." 
 
 As another instance of the peculiar use of 
 words, I may mention " entire/' " entirely/' 
 used for " whole," and " altogether,'' which 
 in this sense are quite Irish and vulgar. Thus 
 an Irishman will say, " I have bought the en- 
 tire or the altogether of it," instead of M I have 
 bought the whole of it ;" and " It is impos- 
 sible entirely,'"* instead of " It is altogether im- 
 possible." In consequence of the great number 
 of Irishmen engaged in writing for the daily 
 papers, these expressions are beginning to be 
 used, even in England. The word " invite" 
 for " invitation," is also a vulgar Irish expres- 
 sion ; for example " I got an invite to visit her," 
 instead of " I got an invitation to visit her ; or 
 (e she gave me the invite to come," instead of 
 " she gave me an invitation to come." A vul- 
 gar expression very common in Ireland, and 
 extremely offensive to an English ear, is used in 
 inquiring about the character of a person. 
 Thus instead of saying, " what sort of a person 
 
PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 253 
 
 is he ?" the Irish question is, " what kind is 
 he?" This expression must be carefully 
 avoided, as it is only used by the uneducated. 
 
 For a few other Irish vulgarities I may refer 
 to pages 12, 17, 39, 42, 60, 65, 75, 76, 77, 94, 
 95,96,98, 302, 155, 174, &c. See also the 
 observations on the use of " shall" and " will,'' 
 "should" and "would," at page 233, above. 
 
 Provincial English Vulgarities. 
 
 Wales, in one point of view, can scarcely be 
 considered as a part of England ; but it will 
 sufficiently answer my purpose to mention a 
 very few instances in which the prevalent 
 Celtic language disqualifies those who have 
 spoken it from infancy, from speaking Eng- 
 lish correctly. The following are given by 
 Mr. Walker, as peculiarities of Cambro-Eng* 
 lish: 
 
 WORDS 
 
 VULGAR 
 
 CORRECT 
 
 kS SPELLED. 
 
 WELSH SOUND. 
 
 ENGLISH SOUND. 
 
 Big. 
 
 Pick. 
 
 Big. 
 
 Blood. 
 
 Ploot. 
 
 Bludd. 
 
 Good. 
 
 Coot. 
 
 Good. 
 
 Virtue. 
 
 Virtue. 
 
 Virtue. 
 
 , Vice. 
 
 Fice. 
 
 Vice. 
 
 Zeal. 
 
 Seal. 
 
 Zeal, 
 
 Praise. 
 
 Prace. 
 
 Praiz. 
 
 Azure. 
 
 Aysher. 
 
 Azure.' 
 
 M. 
 
 Shail. 
 
 Jail. 
 
254 PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 In Somersetshire the opposite fault is com- 
 mon of pronouncing many letters hard instead 
 of soft, as vather for " father ; zhure for 
 " sure ;" Zomerzetzhire for " Somersetshire ;" 
 and " th" is uniformly pronounced hard, as 
 in the word "them," in think, theft, thaw, 
 theatre, &c. In the West of England it is 
 remarkable that they sound the letter "a" 
 short, as in " ran," instead of long, as in 
 w gain," in the words range, strange, change, 
 angel, ancient, &c. which ought to be pro- 
 nounced " rainge, strainge," &c. 
 
 In the North of England the chief peculia- 
 rity of pronunciation is that of giving the 
 sound of " oo" in " good," to the short sound 
 of " u" in il but ;" and it may be remarked 
 that this peculiarity prevails even in words 
 not spelled with "u." The following are 
 a few examples of this foreign-looking pro- 
 nunciation : 
 
 WORDS 
 
 VULGAR NORTH 
 
 CORRECT 
 
 SPELLED. 
 
 ENGLISH SOUND. 
 
 ENGLISH SOUND, 
 
 Dull. 
 
 Dool 
 
 Dull. 
 
 Hull. 
 
 Hool 
 
 Hull. 
 
 Bulge. 
 
 Boolge. 
 
 Bulge. 
 
 Bustle. 
 
 Boostle. 
 
 Bussle. 
 
 Bulk. 
 
 Boolk. 
 
 Bulk. 
 
 Trunk. 
 
 Troonk. 
 
 Trunk. 
 
 Sunk. 
 
 Soonk. 
 
 Sunk. 
 
 Tongue. 
 
 Toong. 
 
 Tung. 
 
PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 255 
 
 WORDS 
 
 VULGAR NORTH 
 
 CORRECT 
 
 S SPELLED. 
 
 ENGLISH SOUND. 
 
 ENGLISH SOUND. 
 
 Bung, 
 
 Boong. 
 
 Bung. 
 
 Up. 
 
 Oop. 
 
 Upp. 
 
 Shut. 
 
 Shoot. 
 
 Shutt. 
 
 Butter. 
 
 Booter. 
 
 Butter. 
 
 Thus. 
 
 Thoos. 
 
 Thuss. 
 
 Gull. 
 
 Gaol. 
 
 Gull. 
 
 The only words which retain this sound of 
 "u" in correct English, such as "put, full, 
 bull," are enumerated at page 12. At page 
 75, I have mentioned two bye-words, w Nay" 
 and "Indeed,'' which are very characteristic 
 of the North of England. The low dialect 
 in Lancashire, Yorkshire, and Cumberland, 
 such as thraw for " from," &c. would require 
 more space to illustrate it than I can spare in 
 this brief work. 
 
 In most parts of England, but more par- 
 ticularly in London, and along the South and 
 East coasts, a very gross vulgarity prevails in 
 the sounding of an "r," at the close of words 
 ending in "a" or "o." As this is one of the 
 most offensive vulgarities, it will be important 
 for the English reader to attend to the fol- 
 lowing table : 
 
 WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. 
 
 Idea. % Idearr. Ideea. 
 
 Mamma. Mammarr. Mamma. 
 
 Papa, Paparr. Papa. 
 
256 PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 3 AS SPELLED. 
 
 VULGAR SOUND. 
 
 CORRECT SOUND. 
 
 Window. 
 
 fVinderr. 
 
 Windo. 
 
 Fellow. 
 
 Fellerr. 
 
 Fello. 
 
 Hollow. 
 
 Hollerr. 
 
 Hollo. 
 
 Eliza. 
 
 Elizarr. 
 
 Eliza. 
 
 Louisa. 
 
 Louisarr. 
 
 Loueesa. 
 
 Maria. 
 
 Mariarr. 
 
 Maria. 
 
 Apollo. 
 
 Apollorr. 
 
 Apollo. 
 
 Geneva. 
 
 Genevarr. 
 
 Geneva. 
 
 Yellow. 
 
 Yellerr. 
 
 Yello. 
 
 Dinah. 
 
 Dinarr. 
 
 Dina. 
 
 Law. 
 
 Larr. 
 
 Law. 
 
 Awe. 
 
 Arr. 
 
 Awe. 
 
 Jaw. 
 
 Jan'. 
 
 Jaw. 
 
 As most of the errors of this kind have an 
 inverse counterpart, it may be remarked in 
 this case that the natives of London leave 
 out the " r" altogether in many words where 
 it ought to be sounded, though but slightly. 
 We thus hear them say put for " pearl ;" wuld 
 for " world ;" gkell t or gul for " girl ;*' mal for 
 "marl*;" cawt for "cart;" and cawd for 
 "card." 
 
 Another vulgar English pronunciation, and 
 common in London, is that of sounding " a" 
 
 <f o" 
 
 long, as in the word "far," instead of "a 
 short, as in " man," in such words as chatvnce 
 "chance;" dawnce for "dance;" pawst for 
 " past ;" bawsket for " basket ;" awfter for 
 
 * See page 246 for the Scots pronunciation of such words. 
 
PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 257 
 
 " after;" awnswer for " answer ;" plawnt for 
 " plant ;" mawst for "mast;" grawss for 
 "grass;" glawss for "glass;" cawrit or cawV 
 for " cannot," &c. In words ending in " st," 
 when another " s" is added, the natives of 
 London, and of the South of England, always 
 sound an te e" before the "s," as postes for 
 "posts;" and not contented with this they 
 sometimes double the " es," as posteses. In 
 the same vulgar way we may hear ghostes, or 
 ghosteses for " ghosts ;" Jistes, or fisteses for 
 "fists;" mastes, or masteses for "masts." I 
 have also heard persistes for "persists ;" hastes 
 for " hast ;" wastes for " wast ;" wristes for 
 " wrist ;" chestes for " chests," &c. 
 
 Natives of London are supposed to make 
 the greatest mistakes with regard to the 
 sounds of " v" and " w," and in sounding, or 
 not sounding the letter " h" improperly ; yet 
 these mistakes are by no means confined to 
 London, but may be met with in every part 
 of England. A person who is in the habit 
 of making such mistakes will talk of a " Wery 
 'igh vinder" for a " Very high window ;" or 
 of a "Hold hook table," for an "Old oak 
 table ;" or of " Pretty blue heyes? for " Pretty 
 blue eyes." The best way of conquering this 
 vulgarity, and indeed of most of those which 
 
258 
 
 PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 I have pointed out, is to make out a list of 
 the words of which you are apt to mistake 
 the correct use, and repeat them frequently, 
 till you are familiar with them all. If you 
 have any friend, from a different part of the 
 country, who will assist you in the task, your 
 labour will be greatly facilitated, and you will 
 be more confident of your correctness. 
 
 The following tables are only a specimen 
 of a more extensive series which I have drawn 
 up, but cannot introduce here without making 
 this work too expensive for the design intend- 
 ed. I shall probably publish them separately, 
 if they appear to be required by the public. 
 
 WORDS AS SPELLED. 
 
 VULGAR SOUND. 
 
 CORRECT SOUND, 
 
 What. 
 
 Wat. 
 
 Hvvot. 
 
 Wheat. 
 
 Weet. 
 
 Hweet. 
 
 Wheel. 
 
 Weel. 
 
 Hweeh 
 
 When. 
 
 Wen. 
 
 Hwen. 
 
 Where. 
 
 Ware. 
 
 Hware. 
 
 Which. 
 
 Wich. 
 
 Hwich. 
 
 Whig. 
 
 Wig. 
 
 Hwig. 
 
 While. 
 
 Wile. 
 
 Hwile. 
 
 Whip. 
 
 Wip. 
 
 Hwhip. 
 
 Whist. 
 
 Wist. 
 
 Hwist. 
 
 White. 
 
 Wite. 
 
 Hwite. 
 
 Who. 
 
 Oo. 
 
 Hoo. 
 
 Why. 
 
 Y. 
 
 Hwy. 
 
 Harm. 
 
 Arm. 
 
 Harm. 
 
 Had. 
 
 Ad. 
 
 Had. 
 
 Hail. 
 
 Ail. 
 
 Hail. 
 
PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 259 
 
 IDS AS SPELLED. 
 
 VULGAR SOUND. 
 
 CORRECT SOUND. 
 
 Hair. 
 
 Air. 
 
 Hair. 
 
 Ham. 
 
 Am. 
 
 Ham. 
 
 Hand. 
 
 And. 
 
 Hand. 
 
 Happen. 
 
 Appen. 
 
 Happen. 
 
 Happy. 
 
 Appy. 
 
 Happy. 
 
 Hard Hardy. 
 
 ArdArdy. 
 
 Hardy Hardy, 
 
 Hark. 
 
 Ark. 
 
 Hark. 
 
 Harp. 
 
 Arp. 
 
 Harp. 
 
 Haste. 
 
 Aste. 
 
 Haste. 
 
 Hat. 
 
 At. 
 
 Hat. 
 
 Head. 
 
 Ed. 
 
 Hed. 
 
 Heart. 
 
 Art. 
 
 Hark. 
 
 Heat. 
 
 Eat. 
 
 Heat. 
 
 Hedge. 
 
 Edge. 
 
 Hedge. 
 
 Hold. 
 
 Old. 
 
 Hold. 
 
 Hire. 
 
 ive. 
 
 Hive. 
 
 I shall next give a few of those words in 
 which the " h" is sounded in vulgar English 
 where it ought not. 
 
 iDS AS SPELL 
 
 ED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND 
 
 Art. 
 
 Hart. 
 
 Art. 
 
 Able. 
 
 Hable. 
 
 Able. 
 
 Ache. 
 
 Hake. 
 
 .Ake. 
 
 Air. 
 
 Hair. 
 
 Air. 
 
 Ale. 
 
 Hale. 
 
 Ale. 
 
 All. 
 
 Hall. 
 
 All. 
 
 Arm. 
 
 Harm. 
 
 Arm. 
 
 Eagle. 
 
 Heegle. 
 
 Eegle. 
 
 Ear. 
 
 Heer. 
 
 Eer. 
 
 Easy. 
 
 Heezy. 
 
 Eezy. 
 
 Eat. 
 
 Heet. 
 
 Eet. 
 
 Enemy. 
 
 H enemy. 
 
 Enemy. 
 
 Evil. 
 
 Hevil. 
 
 Evil. 
 
260 PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 tDS AS SPELLED. 
 
 VULGAR SOUND. 
 
 CORRECT SOUND. 
 
 I. 
 
 Hy. 
 
 I. 
 
 Ice. 
 
 Hice. 
 
 Ice. 
 
 Idea. 
 
 Hideear* 
 
 Ideea. 
 
 Itch. 
 
 Hitch. 
 
 Itch. 
 
 Ivy. 
 
 Hyvy. 
 
 Ivy. 
 
 Oath. 
 
 Hoath. 
 
 Oath. 
 
 Oats. 
 
 Hoats. 
 
 Oats. 
 
 Office. 
 
 Hoffice. 
 
 Office. 
 
 Often. 
 
 Ho/ten. 
 
 Often. 
 
 Open. 
 
 Hopen. 
 
 Open. 
 
 Orange. 
 
 Horange. 
 
 Orange. 
 
 Over. 
 
 Hover. 
 
 Over. 
 
 Out. 
 
 Hout. 
 
 Out. 
 
 Oyster. 
 
 Hoyster. 
 
 Oyster. 
 
 The next examples which I shall select, are 
 taken from the words that contain a " ? or a 
 
 WORDS AS SPELLED. 
 
 VULGAR SOUND. 
 
 CORRECT SOUND 1 
 
 Veal. 
 
 iVeel. 
 
 Veel. 
 
 Vain. 
 
 fVain. 
 
 Vain. 
 
 Valley. 
 
 W alley. 
 
 Valley. 
 
 Value. 
 
 Wahte. 
 
 Value. 
 
 Vary. 
 
 Wary. 
 
 Vary. 
 
 Vast. 
 
 Wast. 
 
 Vast. 
 
 Vegetables. 
 
 Wegetables. 
 
 Vegetables. 
 
 Velvet. 
 
 Welvet. 
 
 Velvet. 
 
 Venus. 
 
 Weenus. 
 
 Veenus. 
 
 Venison. 
 
 Wenison. 
 
 Venison. 
 
 Venture. , 
 
 Wenture. 
 
 Venture, 
 
 Vermin. 
 
 Wermin. 
 
 Vermin. 
 
 Verse. 
 
 Werse. 
 
 Verse. 
 
 Victuals. 
 
 Wittles. 
 
 Vittles. 
 
 Vile. 
 
 Wile. 
 
 Vile. 
 
PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 261 
 
 WORDS AS SPELLED. 
 
 VULGAR SOUND. 
 
 CORRECT SOUND. 
 
 Vision. 
 
 Wizhun, 
 
 Vizhun. 
 
 Visit. 
 
 Wizit. 
 
 Vizit. 
 
 Vulgar. 
 
 Wulgar. 
 
 Vulgar. 
 
 Wage. 
 
 Vage. 
 
 Wage. 
 
 Waiter. 
 
 Vaiter. 
 
 Waiter. 
 
 Walk. 
 
 Vawk. 
 
 Wawk. 
 
 Want. 
 
 Vant. 
 
 Want. 
 
 War. 
 
 Var. 
 
 War. 
 
 Warehouse. 
 
 Vare-owe. 
 
 Warehouse. 
 
 Wasp. 
 
 Vasp. 
 
 Wasp. 
 
 Watch. 
 
 Vatch. 
 
 Watch. 
 
 Water. 
 
 Voter. 
 
 Water. 
 
 We. 
 
 Vee. 
 
 Wee. 
 
 Well. 
 
 Veil. 
 
 Well. 
 
 Wild. 
 
 Vild. 
 
 Wild. 
 
 Wind. 
 
 Vind. 
 
 Wind. 
 
 With. 
 
 Vith. 
 
 With. 
 
 Woman. 
 
 Voman. 
 
 Woman. 
 
 Work. 
 
 Vork. 
 
 Work. 
 
 World. 
 
 Vorld. 
 
 World. 
 
 Another vulgar pronunciation very common 
 in London, in the South and East of England, 
 as well as among the vulgar-genteel in Scot- 
 land and Ireland, is that of sounding the long 
 i( u" like "oo" instead of "you." To a cor- 
 rect ear, this sound appears extremely vulgar 
 and offensive ; and I shall, therefore, refer to 
 page 13, and also give a specimen of examples 
 with the proper corrections, premising that I 
 spell the sound in question "ew," which sounds 
 
 "you." 
 
 s 2 
 
262 PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. 
 
 CORRECT SOUND 
 
 Duty. 
 
 Dooty. 
 
 Dewty, or dyouty. 
 
 Produce. 
 
 Prodooss. 
 
 Prodewss. 
 
 Due and Dew. 
 
 Doo. 
 
 Dew, or dyou, 
 
 Kew. 
 
 Koo. 
 
 Kew, or kyou. 
 
 Steward. 
 
 Stooward. 
 
 Steward. 
 
 Lieu. 
 
 Loo. 
 
 Lew, or lyou. 
 
 Luke. 
 
 Look. 
 
 Lewk, or lyouk. 
 
 Lunar. 
 
 Loonar. 
 
 Lewnar. 
 
 Music. 
 
 Moosic. 
 
 Mewsic. 
 
 New. 
 
 Noo. 
 
 New, or nyou. 
 
 Numerous. 
 
 Noomerous. 
 
 Newmerous. 
 
 Puny and Puisne. 
 
 Poony *. 
 
 Pewny. 
 
 Purely. 
 
 Poorly. 
 
 Pewrly. 
 
 Putrid. 
 
 Pootrid. 
 
 Pewtrid. 
 
 Q. [the letter.] 
 
 Koo. 
 
 Kew, or kyou. 
 
 Tewkesbury. 
 
 Tooksberry. 
 
 Tewksberry. 
 
 Tube. 
 
 Toob. 
 
 Tcwb. 
 
 Tulip. 
 
 Toolip. 
 
 Tewlip. 
 
 Tumult. 
 
 Toomult. 
 
 Tewmult. 
 
 Tutor. 
 
 Tooter. 
 
 Tewtor. 
 
 The vulgar expressions, words, and phrases 
 which prevail in England, and particularly in 
 London, may be compressed into a small space, 
 after the copious illustrations of them which I 
 have given in the preceding pages. I may 
 refer particularly to pages 24, 26, 39, 43, 48, 
 50, 51, 54, 60, 63, and to the chapters on 
 Bye-words, Comparisons, Proverbs, and Slang. 
 I shall only introduce here a few which I have 
 
 * This is also a Scots vulgarity. 
 
PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 263 
 
 previously omitted. I request the attention of 
 the English reader most particularly to the 
 gross and offensive habit of ending every sen- 
 tence with the vulgar questions ant it? 
 don't it? a n't 77 &c*. 
 
 Another vulgarity peculiar to England, is 
 the use of the word "as" instead of "that," 
 which you must also avoid ; for example, in the 
 vulgar expression " She want here as I knoivs 
 on," instead of " She was not here that I know 
 of." This word "as," indeed, should never 
 be employed before " I," except in the mean- 
 ing of "when." For example, it is correct to 
 say "As I was going to town I met Mrs. B.'' 
 which means " When I was going to town," 
 but it would be wrong to say " She was not at 
 church as I knows of;" because in this expres- 
 sion, "as" does not mean "when;" and the 
 expression should, in correct speaking, have 
 been " She was not at church that I know of." 
 
 A vulgarity not quite so gross as this, but 
 very unmeaning, may be exemplified in the 
 expression " What with one thing and what 
 with another, I entirely forgot." This is ex- 
 tremely common, but when it is thus put down 
 on paper and examined, it appears both awk- 
 
 * See pages 50, 51, and 63. 
 
264 PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 ward and ungrammatical. Jt is varied too in 
 many different forms, as " What with the Ex- 
 change business, arid what with attending at 
 Westminster, I had no leisure/' As this is 
 contrary to every rule of grammar, the next 
 vulgarity which I shall mention is contrary to 
 common sense: for instance, "It was bad to 
 a degree" "He succeeded to a degree " in 
 both of which cases the question " To what 
 degree?" is naturally suggested, but to this 
 the vulgar speaker makes no answer. 
 
 A vulgar English bye-word, which I omitted 
 in the proper chapter, is "It is no use" or 
 " There's no use ," and though the expression 
 is intrinsically unobjectionable, yet as it is a 
 very great favourite with the lowest people, it 
 ought not to be introduced into polite or ele- 
 gant conversation. As it is vulgarly employed, 
 we frequently hear it very much out of place, 
 for it is most commonly repeated in a mechani- 
 cal manner, without a thought being passed 
 upon its meaning. u Come now" is another 
 bye-word that has little meaning, as " Come 
 now, that is good/' Where, it may be asked, 
 is the person to come ? 
 
 The word " name" is vulgarly used in Eng- 
 land for u mention," or " tell/' in a form that 
 grates on the ear of a grammarian. For ex- 
 
PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 265 
 
 ample, "I named the circumstance to him/' 
 instead of " I mentioned the circumstance to 
 him;" "I shall name it to them/' for "I shall 
 mention it to them;" " He would have named 
 it if it had been so," for " He would have told 
 it if it had been so." This meaning of the 
 word " name" is very incorrect ; it is to be 
 found in no dictionary not even in Grose's. 
 
 The use of the word on for " of," in a very 
 great number of instances, which I can only 
 point out to you by examples, is another vul- 
 garity peculiar to England. From these it 
 will not be difficult to discover the error in 
 most of the circumstances in which it occurs. 
 You may hear persons, for example, say " Five 
 was the number on 'em," instead of " Five was 
 the number of them j" or " Peach is the name 
 on it," for " Peach is the name of it ;" or u I 
 can't say nothing out? for "I can say nothing 
 of it." I have remarked that in the dramas 
 founded on the Waverley Novels, this on r t is 
 given for the Scots oV, but very erroneously. 
 Still more vulgar than either of these, is a cer- 
 tain use of the words "there" and "here," along 
 with "that" and "this;" as when it is said, 
 "That there house," instead of "That house ;" 
 or " This here book," instead of "This book." 
 You may, however, without impropriety say 
 
266 PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 "This book here," or "That house there;" 
 but never " This here," nor " That there? 
 
 The word lot, or lots, for "number," or 
 "quantity/' is an English slang term, and a 
 mark of vulgarity in speaking, which you ought 
 to avoid. The expressions " lots of things," or 
 " a great lot of things," are of this kind, and 
 you should say " a number of things,'' or " a 
 great number of things." It will not, however, 
 by many be remarked as very vulgar, though 
 you say " a quantity of people," or " a quantity 
 of birds;" but I may tell you that it is in- 
 correct, and you ought to say " a number of 
 people," and " a number of birds." 
 
 It is one of the most common offences 
 against grammar and good English, both in 
 England, and among the vulgar-genteel in 
 Scotland and Ireland, to use the words lay 
 for " lie," lays for " lies," laying " for lying," 
 and laid for " lay" or " lain ;" as in the ex- 
 amples, " The book lays on the table," for 
 "The book lies on the table ;" "The oranges 
 are laying on the mantelshelf " for " The 
 oranges are lying on the mantel-piece ;" " He 
 laid in bed too long," for " He lay in bed too 
 long;" "It has laid there since yesterday," 
 for " It has Iain there since yesterday ;" " They 
 lay at this moment on the table," for " They 
 
PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 267 
 
 lie at this moment on the table." It is correct 
 to say " Lay it down ;" " He lays these up for 
 use;" and " I laid it there myself." The 
 irregular use of these words has been lately 
 gaining ground, and may become established, 
 but till this happen, it is vulgar to employ 
 them in this ungrammatical manner. 
 
 The word " since," is frequently used in 
 England for " ago," as in the expression " A 
 long time sinee" for " A long time ago ;" " It 
 happened a year since" for " It happened a 
 year ago." The expressions " The both,"' and 
 "Tfwy both" are also vulgar English, as "The 
 both ends," for "Both the ends ;" "I have the 
 both" for "I have both;" "It was they both 
 who did it," for "It was both of them who 
 did it." 
 
 Among the lowest ranks in the Southern 
 Counties of England the word "nation" is 
 vulgarly used for " very," as " It is nation 
 good," for "It is very good." In the same 
 way the word " pure," was fashionable in the 
 reign of Queen Anne, as " Pure good ;" " It is 
 pure beautiful." Sometimes we hear " Main 
 bad," for " very bad." To express a smaller 
 degree of good or bad, we may often hear the 
 vulgar expressions "A pretty goodish num- 
 ber," and " He is in a baddish way. v The 
 
268 PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. 
 
 ungrammatical vulgarity mentioned at page 
 207 above, is very common in England, under 
 the form of " I do not intend to go, no more 
 dorit he" instead of " I do not intend to go, 
 neither does he;" and similar expressions 
 beginning with ""no more^ Another vulgar 
 English word is " after," sometimes " ater" 
 instead of " for," as " He came after the 
 goods," instead of "He came for the goods;" 
 " The maid came after the situation," instead 
 of " The maid came about, or for the situa- 
 tion." 
 
 THE END. 
 
 C. Smith, Printer, Angel Court, Strand. 
 
14EPAY USE 
 
 TO dTSiC FROM WHICH BORROWED 
 
 LOAN DEPT. 
 
 This book is due d^the last date stamped below, or 
 
 on theidate so which renewed. 
 
 Renewed bodlks^fere^bbject to immediate recall. 
 
 y 
 
 v 
 
 & 
 
 IAN 04 1988 
 
 A(J TO. DISC 
 
 E CEl VT l 
 
 JNTEfflAR^L(J)Wd 
 
 R 
 
 m^ ^ 
 
 4 ptfFP 2 519 92 
 
 * Dt SENT ON ILL 
 
 -r 
 
 Kg CB 
 
 a^s? 
 
 _oc 
 
 T 2 * 1995 
 
 U. C, BERKELEY 
 
 373 
 
 FEB 1 3 1983 1 8 
 
 EC cm Mill 7 fte 
 
 4 1987 
 
 AUT0.BISC.fB27 $7 
 
 LI) 2: A-60m-2.'67 
 (H241slO)478B 
 
 General Library 
 
 University of California 
 
 Berkeley 
 

 
 GENERAL LIBRARY U.C. BERKELEY 
 
 BDoaaaTibb