* J 4 ANNB WARNER LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA SAN DIEGO presented to the LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA SAN DIEGO by FRIENDS OF THE LIBRARY Mrs. Edwin W. Meise donor " It s a brand-new one, fer the price-tag s still hangirf on the back." See page 41. Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors Affairs By Anne Warner If^r^ Author of " Susan Clegg and her Friend Mrs. Lathrop" " The Rejuvenation of Aunt Mary," "A Woman s Will," etc. Boston Little, Brown, and Company 1906 Copyright, 1904, By The Red Book Corporation. Copyright, 1905, By The Century Company. Copyright, 1905, By The Bobbs Merrill Company. Copyright, 1906, By Little, Brown, and Company. All rights reserved Published June, 1906 THfe UNIVERSITY MWSS, CAMBRIDGE, U. fc. A. PREFATORY NOTE "Mrs. Lathrop s Love Affair" appeared in " The Century Magazine in 1905. " The Wolf at Susan s Door " was published in " The Reader s Magazine " in the early part of the present year , and "Old Man Ely s Proposal" is printed for the first time in this volume. The original version of "A Very Superior Man " appeared in " The Red Book" CONTENTS PAGE MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR PART FIRST. The Deacon s Dilemma . . 3 PART SECOND. The Automobile ... 29 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL ... 55 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR PART FIRST. Miss Clegg s Speculations . 95 PART SECOND. Gran ma Mullins s Woe . 125 PART THIRD. Lucy Dill s Wedding . .151 PART FOURTH. Mr. Jilkins s Hat . . .168 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN ... 183 MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR PART FIRST THE DEACON S DILEMMA MISS CLEGG was getting her own favorite tea. This always con sisted of itself, toast, and a slice of bacon ; and she apparently took as much pleasure in the preparation of the meal as if it were not the ten thousandth of its kind which she had cooked and eaten. As she hustled and bustled here and there, her manner seemed even more sprightly than usual ; and it was only occasionally, when her glance fell upon the light shining across from her friend s kitchen window opposite, that her cheerfulness knew any diminution. 3 MRS. LATH HOP S LOVE AFFAIR But there seemed to be some sad influence in the effect of the rays of Mrs. Lathrop s lamp on this particular night ; and even if its effect on Susan was merely transitory, it was not the less marked each time that it occurred. Once, just as she was carrying the teapot from the stove to the table, she voiced her thoughts aloud. " I shall have to tell her to-night, so I may s well make up my mind to it," she said firmly ; and then, after drawing up a chair by making a hook out of one of her feet, she sat down and sought strength for the ordeal in a more than ordinarily hearty supper. It was a bleak, cold night in early No vember, and the wind whistled drearily outside. There was a chill atmosphere everywhere, and a hint of coming winter. " I shall wear my cap an my cardigan jacket to go over there," the neighborly 4 THE DEACON S DILEMMA disposed Susan reflected as she carefully drank the last of the tea. " Dear, dear ! but it s goin* to be a terrible shock to her, poor thing ! " Then she arose and carefully and scru pulously put the kitchen back into its cus tomary order. Having removed the last trace of any one s ever having cooked or eaten there, she lighted a candle and sought her wraps in the icy upper regions of the house. As she passed the parlor door she shivered involuntarily. " I expect he was cold," she murmured ; " I know I was. But I could n t see my way to sittin in the kitchen with a caller : I never was one to do nothin improper, an I was n t goin to begin at my age." Then she went upstairs and got out the cap and jacket. It was a man s cap, with ear-tabs, and not at all in keeping with the fair Susan s features ; but she gave no 5 MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR heed to such matters and tied it on with two firm jerks. " I jus do hope/ she ejaculated as she struggled into the cardigan, " t she won t faint. It ll surely come very sudden on her, too, an all my talk s to the advantage o stayin unmarried, an the times an times I ve said as we was always goin to stay jus i > so The termination of the jacket-buttoning terminated the soliloquy also. Miss Clegg went downstairs and warmed her hands at the kitchen stove, preparatory to locking up. Ten minutes later she was tapping at Mrs. Lathrop s door. " I must n t tell her too quick," she re minded herself as she waited to be let in ; " I must lead up to it like they do after a railroad smash. Mrs. Lathrop ain t what you call over-nervous ; still, she has got feelin s, an in a time like this they ought to be a little steered out for. If she saw 6 him comin in or goin out, that 11 help some." Mrs. Lathrop not answering to the tap, the caller knocked again, and then tried to open the door from without, but found it to be bolted inside. " I s pose she s asleep, with her feet in the oven," Susan said in a spirit of rebellion and disapproval mixed, and then she battered madly for entrance. Mrs. Lathrop was asleep, and did have her feet in the oven. She was particularly fond of finishing up her daily desultori- ness in that manner. It took time slightly to disturb her slumber, more time yet to awaken her fully, and still again more time to get her to the door and open it. " Well, Susan ! " she said in a tone of cordial surprise when she saw who it was ; "the idea of" " He wanted as I should see you to-night, 7 MRS. LA THROWS LOVE AFFAIR rain or shine," said the friend, advancing into the middle of the kitchen. " Who wanted ? " " The deacon. Did n t you see him this afternoon ? " Mrs. Lathrop furtively rubbed her eyes. " Oh, yes, yes J " she began. " Well, he wanted as I should come right over an* tell you to-night. An I told him f t I would." J " Tell meswh " " I shall break it to you as easy as I can, Mrs. Lathrop ; but there s no denyin as it 11 come very sharp on you at the end." Mrs. Lathrop ceased to rub her eyes, and a vague apprehension opened them effec tually instead. " I presume, if you saw him at all, you saw how long he stayed ? " Yes, I " " All of two hours, an his talk was as dumfounderin on me as it will be on you. 8 THE DEACON S DILEMMA I d never thought o any such doin s in this direction. I always looked on as a complete outsider, did n t you ? " " I don t un " Susan had shed her jacket and cap while talking ; she now took a chair and surveyed her friend with the air of one who has pain to inflict and yet is firm. Mrs. Lathrop looked frankly troubled. "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you d ought to know me well enough, after all these years, to know as I shall make this as easy as I can for you. Perhaps the best way 11 be to go way back to the beginnin an speak o when Mrs. White died. It ll be a proper leadin up, for if she had n t died, he d never a* come to see me this afternoon, an I d never a come to see you to-night. Howsumsever, she did die ; an , bein dead, I will say for her husband as you don t find chick or child in town to deny as a nicer, tidier, more biddable little man never lived ; 9 MRS. LATH HOP S LOVE AFFAIR n s far as my personal feelin s go, I should think t any woman might consider it nothin but a joy to get a man s is always so long on the door-mat *n so busy with his tie s the deacon is. He got some wore out toward the last o* her illness, for she was give up in September n died in July ; but even then I ve heard Mrs. Allen say s it was jus pretty to see him putterin aroun busy s a bee, tryin to keep dusted up for the funeral any minute." Susan paused to sigh. " Seems like she did n t die but yester day," she said reminiscently ; " don t seem like it can possibly be over a year. I never can but remember them last days : they stand out afore me like a needle in a camel s eye. Nobody could n t say s everythin was n t done; they had two doctors n a bill t the drug-store, but the end come at last. She begin to sink n sink, n young Dr. Brown said that way o sinkin away was 10 THE DEACON S DILEMMA always, to his mind, one o the most unfor tunate features o dyin . He said he knowed lots o people s d be alive n well now if they could just o been kept from that sinkin away. Old Dr. Carter told Mrs. Jilkins his theory was t while the pulse beats there s life ; but even he had to admit s Mrs. White was about beat out. N it was so, too ; for she died while they was talkin , n the deacon just beginnin on cleanin the pantry shelves. He had to put all the dishes back on top o the old papers; n any one could see how hard it was for him, for he d counted on havin everythin spick n span at the end. " Well, that was a busy time ! It s too bad you have to miss so much, Mrs. Lath- rop ; now, that day at Mrs. White s would a done you a world o good. There was a great deal o company, n the newspaper man led off, comin to know what she died of. He explained he had to know right ii MRS. LATHROFS LOVE AFFAIR away, cause if she did n t die o nothin in particular, they needed the extra line for stars to show up a cod-liver oil advertise ment. I said the deacon was the one to ask, n we hunted high n low for him until Mrs. Jilkins remembered s he d took them keys Mrs. White always had under her pillow n gone up attic to see what trunks they fitted. Mrs. Macy had to holler him down ; n , my ! but he was snappy. He said, Ask Dr. Brown, n then he clumb straight back up his ladder ; n Dr. Brown said s she died o the com plete seclusion of her aspirational n bron- choid tubes. I could see t the newspaper man did n t know how to spell it, n he told young Dr. Brown any such doin s d squeeze the cod-liver oil over into next week, which could n t be considered for a minute. N then he went on to say t if folks want to die o more n one line, they ve got to do it Tuesday night, or at the very 12 THE DEACON S DILEMMA latest Wednesday afore ten o clock, if it s to be got in right. " Well, next come the funeral ; n I will say right here n now t the way s the widows closed in around Deacon White was enough to send any man up a ladder. There was Mrs. Macy s was actually ready n waitin to lay Mrs. White out afore she was dead. N Mrs. Macy isn t one s any one d rashly set about makin love to, I should n t suppose. I ve always under stood s there s a while t they sit on laps ; n the lap ain t built s could take pleasure in holdin Mrs. Macy. But she was on hand, all the same, n s beamin s if she stood a show. " N then there was Gran ma Mullins ! I was perfectly dumb did up at the doin s o Gran ma Mullins. I d always looked on her s a very deservin mother to Hiram, n one s any one c d trust s to dough nuts for sociables ; but when she come to 13 MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR Mrs. White s funeral with her hair frizzed, I give up. Gran ma Mullins at her age at the funeral of a widower s dead wife n her hair frizzed ! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, if I was on my way to my own hangin I sh d still say t to my order o thinkin it was n t proper mournin . " Not s there was n t others up to the same doin s. The first night Mrs. Allen sent Polly over with one dish o ice-cream n one slice o cake for the deacon s supper, n me there s plain s day sittin up al ternate with Mr. Jilkins. N Mrs. Allen didn t make no bones about it, neither; she said frank n open t her disapp intment over Sam Duruy d aged Polly right up to where only a elderly man d be anywise fit f r her, n she said she was teachin her 1 Silver threads among the gold n how to read aloud t the tip-top o your voice. I did n t discourage her none. I told her t there was n t many like the deacon, n that 14 THE DEACON S DILEMMA come true right off; fer we heard a awful crash, n it was then t he fell through the ceilin into Phoebe s room n a pretty job we had sweepin up his dust. " The minister come in while we was sweepin . He certainly does come to call always at very uncomfortable times ; but I suppose everybody s got to have a cross, n ours s him. Anyway, he wanted to know about if it d be agreeable to the family to have Mrs. White discoursed on s a faithful handmaid, cause he did n t want to have to alter her after he d got her all copied. He said there was the choice o a bondwoman o the Lord n a light in Israel, too. We had to go n holler the deacon a long time, n finally we found him out settin a hen. I did n t think s he d ought to a set a hen the day o his wife s funeral I did n t think much o settin hens any time ; it s set n set, n then half the time all you get is a weasel. 15 MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR " Well, he come in at last, V he would n t hear o havin his wife called a handmaid, cause, he said, it was him s had always done all the work. The minister said it was astonishin what Liza Em ly could get through in a mornin , n then he coughed ; n Mrs. Macy said t Liza Em ly was very helpful for a child o her age, n then she coughed ; n then the deacon went back to his hen, n the minister sighed n went, too." Mrs. Lathrop herself sighed as Susan paused. "I remember " she said slowly. " It was a nice funeral, though," her friend continued ; " I never see a nicer one, even if Mrs. White was n t able to look after nothin herself. Mr. Kimball got down to business like it d always been his business, n the way he hustled things through was a lesson to them s takes a whole afternoon to one member of a family. 16 THE DEACON S DILEMMA He took all the table-leaves n laid em from chair to chair, so s everybody had a seat; n then, s folks come in, he had Billy hand em each a fan with his advertisement on one side n two rows o readin on the other, so s no one got dull waitin . " N then I never shall forget what a neat job he done with the dove. You know s well s I do t it s hard on the dove, n always has been hard on the dove, to go to every funeral n be the win dow advertisement between deaths. I Ve told you before how it was freely remarked in the square, after Mrs. Dill s burial, as the way the dove looked there was suthin borderin on scandalous. He d hovered with a motto till his wings was s dirty inside s outside, n they d tipped his head back to look up resurrected or front to look down dejected till at Mrs. Dill s all he was fit for was to sit on the foot of her n mourn, with the hat-pins s held 17 MRS. LATHROP\S LOVE AFFAIR him steady stickin out in all directions. Some folks as was really very sorry about Mrs. Dill most died when they see the dove, V Mr. Kimball (he had n t bought the business then) remarked openly s his view was as he d better go to two or three baptisms afore he tried another funeral^ Such bein the case, it was no more n natural s we sh d all feel a little worried thinkin o Mrs. White s bein next to stand the dove ; n Mrs. Sperrit said frank an open t to her order o thinkin the deacon d ought to jus forbid it. We all saw the sense in her view ; but even if we did, you know s well s I do it d be a pretty delicate matter in this c m- munity to be the first to deliberately skip the dove." "I think he s pret " said Mrs. Lathrop, musingly. " I won t say t I don t think so, too," said Susan ; " but I never was one to turn 18 a blind eye to the dirt on the outside o nothin , s you know to your cost, Mrs. Lathrop, n such bein the case, I cer tainly did feel to regret s the dove d had such long wear n tear afore it come Mrs. White s turn to be sat on. I was fond o Mrs. White ; we had n t spoke in years, owin to her bein too deaf to hear, but what I see of her from the street was always pleasant, n I did n t like to think s maybe anythin d be left out o the last of her. So we let it all go, n we certainly had our reward for so doin when we see the result; for Mr. Kimball did a fine job then n there, n when he was dry-cleaned inside n out, n his beak n feet painted, n new beads for eyes well, all I can say is t I wish you d been there to see him, that s all. He took his wings completely off, so s to give him the air o bein folded up ; n then he stuck a gilt arrow in his heart n laid him cornerways on the dea- 19 MRS. LATHROP^S LOVE AFFAIR con s cross o tiger-lilies. N he did n t stop t that, neither ; he took his wings n sewed em to each side of a red heart left over from a euchre-party, n laid the whole on Mr. Jilkins s piller o pansies, so the deacon could n t in conscience feel t any- thin s he d paid for was wasted. I Ve said all along, n I ll say ag in here n now, t it was all one o the prettiest things I ever see; n I wasn t the only one s felt that way, for I ve heard lots o folks say since s they 11 want the dove just so for themselves." Mrs. Lathrop turned a little uneasily; Susan did not appear to notice the indica tion of a possible impatience. " It was all a great success," she went on calmly. "The minister s discourse was very fine ; only when he prayed for conso lation we all knowed he meant Liza Em ly. All but the deacon, that is. I guess the deacon was thinkin more o Gran ma Mul- 20 THE DEACON S DILEMMA lins n any one else t first; Mrs. Jilkins told me he asked how old she was, comin back in the carriage." "I allers thought " said Mrs. Lathrop. " So did a good many people. I don t know s that was surprising either ; for it s a well-known fact s they was fond o each other forty or fifty years back. She s got a daguerre type o him s is so old t you can t be very sure whether it s him, after all. She says she ain t positive herself, cause she had one o her cousin s shot himself by accident on his way to the war, n the wreath o flowers stamped on the red velvet inside was just the same in both cases. You have to go by the light n tip him a good while to say for sure whether he s got a collar on or not, n you could n t swear to his havin on anythin else if you was to turn him round n round till dooms day. "She had that picture in a box with her first hair n Hiram s first tooth n a nut 21 MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR t she said the deacon did a hole in with his knife when they was children together one day. She showed em all to me one time when I was there; I didn t think much o the nut, I must say. But I will say as it seemed to make her happy, so I jus remarked t it was surprisin how foolish we got s we got old, n let it go t that. It was a while after s he took her to Mead- ville to the circus ; it s a well-known fact s she was fool enough to look upon bein took to a circus s next thing to bein asked out n out. She come up to tell me all about it afterward." " N yet " said Mrs. Lathrop. " It just shows the vanity o feelin sure o mortal man," continued Susan. " She was sure, n Mrs. Allen was sure, n the minister had faith ; n then there was Mrs. Macy, too. There was a while when it looked to me s if swoopin down n then pinnin flat c d catch anythin, t Mrs. 22 THE DEACON S DILEMMA Macy d have the deacon, she was so ever lastingly on hand. Why, I never walked by his house but I met her, V that was far too often to ever by any chance be called a accident. But she was too open ; my own experience is t bein frank n free is time throwed away on men. If anythin serious is to be done with a man, it s got to be done from behind a woodpile. I had some little dealin s with men in the marryin line once, n I found em very shy ; tamin gophers is sleepin in the sun beside grabbin a man s dead against bein grabbed. I don t say s it can t be done, but I will say t it s hard in the first n harder in the last, when you ve got him n he s got you, like the minister s got his wife." "But Mrs. Macy ain t " protested Mrs. Lathrop. " No ; n it s her own fault, too. He told me this afternoon s the way she smiled 23 MRS. LATHROP"S LOVE AFFAIR on him right in the first days made the marrow run up V down his back. He said he c d a stood lots o things, but no human bein but gets mad bein forever smiled at. Then she knit him things. He says she knit him a pair o snap-on slippers s Heaven 11 surely forgive him if he ever see the like of. He said they stuck out s far behind s in front, n all in the world t he c d do was to sit perfectly still in the middle of em n content himself with viewin em s slippers. But he says the worst was, she cooked him things ; he says he won t say what he s paid young Dr. Brown for advice regardin things s she s cooked him, not to speak o that time he cut himself so bad pryin at one o her undercrusts. N, just between you n me, Mrs. Lathrop, he says it s a secret s he will carry to his grave unsealed as she give him a crock o gherkins on his birthday, with a pair o buttonhole scissors at the bottom. 24 THE DEACON S DILEMMA " He said he jus felt he d enjoy to have the revenge o stayin single. But he said it did n t take him long to see s stayin single is a privilege s no woman s goin to allow to a man whose wife s dead. He says the way he s been chased s all but killin . He says there s Mrs. Allen firm Polly at him when he goes over there for his dinner, n the minister tellin him every Sunday n prayer-meetin how Liza Em ly is shootin up. He says Gran ma Mullins is forever referrin to his youth, n Mrs. Macy is forever smilin . He says he could easy keep his house alone, he says he understands a house from moth-balls to quicklime, but they won t let him. He says he s not only town property, but he s town talk s well. He says Mrs. Craig stopped him in the square n asked him point-blank if he d remembered to put on his flannels day before yesterday. " I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, it s plain t 25 MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR that man has suffered. If you d a seen him, your heart would a softened like mine did. N him such a neat little bald- headed man without any wishin o anybody anythin ! I give him a lot o sympathy. I told him t I d knowed what it was to have a lot o folks seem bound to marry you in the teeth o your own will. I told him the whole community was witness to how I was set upon after father s death n well-nigh drove mad. He said he wished he had my grit V maybe he d make a try to fight like I did, but he said he was beat out. He said if he is n t up n the smoke pourin out o his chimney at six sharp, all the single women in town is lined up in front to know what s happened. He says if he was married, it goes without sayin s they d both be allowed to sleep in peace. He says if he lights a candle at night, he hears of it next day. He said if he gets a letter in a strange hand, it s all over town 26 THE DEACON S DILEMMA s some strange woman s made his acquaint ance. He says the whole world feels free to dust his hat or w isk his coat if he stops to chat a minute. He says, such bein the case, he s made up his mind t he s got to get married. He says he s considered very carefully. He says he knows jus the kind o woman. He says he s been fretted, V he don t never want to be fretted no more." Miss Clegg paused, as if the crisis had arrived. She surveyed her friend with a meaning eye, and Mrs. Lathrop rather shrunk together and endeavored to look courageous. " Up to now s been all preparin your mind. Do you feel prepared ? Are you ready ? " " Yes, I " gasped the victim. " Left to myself, I sh d a waited till mornin , but he wanted you to know to night. He know s I m your dearest friend. He said if I didn t tell you right off, it 27 MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR might get to you some other way n be a awful blow. He said he had to go to Meadville to-morrow, so he might mention it down-town to-night, n most any one might let it drop in on you. I see the p int o his reasonin , n so " " Susan," said the friend, her feelings completely overflowing all bounds " oh, Susan, are you really a-goin to marry " Susan s expression altered triumphantly. " Why, Mrs. Lathrop," she said, with keen enjoyment, " it ain t me s he wants to marry ; it s you ! " 28 PART SECOND THE AUTOMOBILE MRS. LATHROP collapsed back ward and downward, her eyes closed, her mouth opened, her hands fell at her sides, her feet flew out in front of her. Never in the history of the world were the words " This is so sudden ! " more vividly illustrated. Susan sat bolt upright opposite and sur veyed her friend s emotion with an expres sion of calm and interested neutrality. After a while Mrs. Lathrop s eyes began to open and her mouth to close ; she gath ered her hands into her lap, and her feet under her skirt, saying weakly : " Well, I never hear nothin to beat " "I ain t surprised tyour takin it to heart 29 MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR like that," said the imparter of news. " I may tell you in confidence t I was nigh to laid out myself in the first hearin of it. I looked upon it jus as you did, an jus as anybody in their common senses naturally would. It was n t no more n was to be expected that me, bein* neat like himself an unmarried, too, sh d a struck him s just about what he was lookin for. I m younger n Gran ma Mullins n Mrs. Macy, an older n Liza Em ly an Polly Ann. I Ve got property, n nobody can t say s I have n t always done my duty by whatever crossed my path, even if was nothin but snow in the winter. All the time t he was talkin I was thinkin , n I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, it s pretty hard work to smile n look interested in a man s meanderin s while you re tryin to figure on how you can will your money safe away from him. I was n t calc latin on havin Deacon White get any of my money, I c n tell you, an I meant to 30 THE AUTOMOBILE have that understood right in the beginnin - Maybe he wouldn t a liked it; but if he had n t V liked it, he c d a give me right square up. Lord knows, I never was after him with no net ; I don t set about gettin what I want that way. N I never for one minute have thought o wantin the deacon. I m used to lookin everythin square in the face, n no one as has got eyes could look the deacon in the face n want him. N the more they turned him round n round, the less they d want him. It ain t in rea son s the friend could be found to deny t he s as bow-legged as they make em. An then there s his ears ! A woman could, maybe, overlook the bow-legs if she held the newspaper high enough ; but I don t believe s any one in kingdom come could overlook them ears. Mr. Kimball says Belgian hares an Deacon White s both designed to be catched by their ears. I looked at him to-day n figured on maybe MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR tryin* to tame em in a little with a tape nightcap ; but then I says to myself, I says : No ; if he s to be my husband, I 11 prob ably have so much to overlook that them ears 11 soon be mice to the mountain o the rest, an so I give up the idea. I had bother enough with tryin to see where I d put him, fer I certainly would n t consider movin down to his house for a minute, n it was a question s to a stove in father s room or givin him double windows for a weddin present. " N then, all of a sudden, he come out with wantin you ! "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I jumped I really did. Him so tidy n goin out on the porch half a dozen times a day to brush up the seeds under the bird-cage n wantin you! I could n t believe my ears at first, n he talked quite a while, n I didn t hear a word he said. N then, when I did find my tongue, I jus sat right down n 32 THE AUTOMOBILE did my duty by him. Mrs. Lathrop, you know s well s I do how fond I am o you ; but you know, too, s well s I do t no woman s calls herself a Christian c d sit silent an let a man keep on supposin t he c d be happy with you. I talked kind, but I took no fish-bones out o the truth. I give him jus my own observation, n* no more. I told him t it was n t in me to try to fool even a deacon ; an so when I said frank and free t even your very cats soon give up washin their faces, he c d depend upon its bein so. I says to him, I says : c Deacon White, there s lots o worse things n bein unmarried, n if you marry Mrs. Lathrop you 11 learn every last one of em. Your first wife was deaf, I says, n Mrs. Lathrop c n hear. She s a very good hearer, too, I says (for you know s I d never be one to run you down, Mrs. Lathrop); c but anythin s is more of a effort than listenin never gets done in her house. You re tidy 3 33 MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR in your ways, Deacon White/ I says; any one as s ever passed when you was hangin out your dish-towels d swear to that ; an such bein the case, how c d you ever be happy with them s spreads their wash on the currant-bushes or lets it blow to the dogs ? Maybe I was a little hard on him, but I felt s it was then or never, n I tried my best to save him. It ain t in nature for them s goes unhooked to ever realize what their unhookedness is to them s hooks, an so it d be hopeless to try to let you see why my sympathies was so with the deacon ; but, to make a long tale short, he jus hung on like grim death, n in the end I had to give up. He said I was your friend, an he wanted s I sh d explain every thin to you; an to-morrow, when he gets back from Meadville, he ll come up an get his answer. He did n t ask f I thought you d have him, cause o course he knowed you d have him s well s I did. He said s he sh d 34 THE AUTOMOBILE mention it about town to keep any women from takin the same train with him. He says he has n t been anywhere by himself for ever so long. He says jus as soon s he s married he s goin off for a good long trip, all alone." Susan ceased speaking for a little ; Mrs. Lathrop looked dazed and dubious. " It s so unex " she said slowly. " The beginnin o gettin married always is," said her friend; "but it s all there is about it s is even unexpected. It s all cut an dried from there on. Once you take a man, nothin s ever sudden no more. Folks expects all sorts o pleasant surprises ; everybody seems to get married for better, an then get along for worse. They begin by imaginin a lot n then lookin for the thing to be way beyond the imaginin ; it ain t long afore they see t their imaginin was way be yond the thing, n after that they soon have it all on top o them to carry till they die." 35 MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR " I never was no great hand at marryin ," said Mrs. Lathrop, faintly. " I was pro pelled into it the first " " Well, nobody ain t propellin you this time," said Miss Clegg. "I m hangin back on your skirts, with my heels stuck in s far s they 11 go." She rose as she spoke. "I don t know what I shall " began the older woman, looking up at the younger. " You ve got all to-morrow to decide. He won t be back till five o clock. I should n t worry, f I was you. O course, it s your last love affair, probably, n you want to get s much s you can out of it ; but I don t see no call to fret any. He ain t frettin . He s jus in a hurry to get married, n get rid o Gran ma Mullins n Mrs. Macy an Polly Ann an Liza Em ly, n get started on that nice long trip he s goin on alone." " I shall think " murmured Mrs. Lathrop. f 36 Susan was decking herself for going home. " I won t be over in the mornin ," she said as she tied on her cap ; " I ve got errands down-town ; but I 11 come over after dinner." " Good-by," said Mrs. Lathrop. " Good-by," said her friend. It was somewhat warmer the next morn ing. Mrs. Lathrop began the day on a cup of extra-strong coffee, and continued it in an unusual mood of clearing up. Pier kitchen was really very close to exemplary when two o clock arrived, and she took up her knitting to wait for the promised visitation. It matured about half-past the hour. The visitor brought her knitting, too. "Well, Mrs. Lathrop," she said pleas antly on entering, " if it wasn t for the auto mobile, you n the deacon d surely be the talk o the town this day." 37 MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR "Whose aut ?" " Nobody s ; jus two men s. One steers in goggles, n the other jumps in n out n settles for the damages. I see it first on my way down-town this morning ; only, as a matter of fact, I did n t see it, n it was nigh to tootin right over me, only I jumped in the nick o time, n it went over my over shoe an split the heel open. I c n assure you I was glad I was wearin father s over shoes, as c n come off so easy, when I saw the split heel ; an them men was as polite s could be, churned backward right off, n settled with me for a quarter. I can easy sew up the heel myself, so I went on down town feelin* pretty good. There ain t many things about me t I can sew up as I would n t split for a quarter any day. The automobile went on ahead, n by the time I got to the square it had had time to run down the minister. " He was crossin from Mr. Kimball s to 38 THE AUTOMOBILE Mr. Dill s, an stopped short for fear it d run over him. Not knowin the minister s make-up, they d calc lated on his goin on when he see a automobile comin ; an so it was all over him in a jiffy. I don know what his wife 11 ever say, f r his hat is com pletely bu st. However, they settled with him hat, feelin s, an all for ten dollars, an he went on over to Mr. Dill s. I said t if I was his wife I d anchor him in the middle o the square n let automobiles run up n down him all day long at that price. I said it to Mrs. Craig; she come up to ask me f it was really true about you an the deacon. She says no one can believe it o the deacon. She says Mr. Jilkins was in town last night, n he was very mad when he heard of it. He thinks it s a re flection. He says folks 11 say it looks like his sister was n t wife enough for one man. I told her nobody could n t say nothin about it t I would n t agree to, considerm 39 MRS. LATHROFS LOVE AFFAIR your age an his ears. I told her t it did n t seem to me s marryin was anyways necessary to the business o the world. If mother d never married, neither she nor me d ever of had all them years o work with father. She says this about you V the deacon was stirrin up the town a lot. She says there s a good deal o bitter feelin . Seems Mrs. Allen never charged him nothin for his meals on account o Polly, an Gran ma Mullins made him a whole set o shirts for nothin on account o the nut n the daguerre type, n Mrs. Macy did up all his currants fer nothin on account o herself. She says Mr. Kimball says he wonders what the deacon s a-expectin to get out o you. " We went across to look at the auto mobile together. It was standin still in front o the drug-store, n the men was in buyin cigarettes an gettin their bottles filled. I guess half the community was 40 THE AUTOMOBILE standin round lookin at it an discussin it. It s a brand-new one, for the price-tag s still hangin on the back. Billy said it was a bargain, but it struck me s pretty high. They had a wheel s d come off hung on behind, n nobody could n t see where it d come off of. Mr. Fisher got down an crawled in underneath, an while he was under there the men come out. They asked what Mr. Fisher was tryin to do, an when Billy told em, they laughed. " They said that wheel was in case o acci dents. John Bunyan spoke right up an said, Why, does the accidents ever happen to the automobile? 1 N the men laughed some more. Then they got in n started to start, n it would n start. It snuffed n chuffed to beat the band, but it would n t budge for love nor money nor the man in goggles. He jerked n twisted, n then all of a sudden it run backward, n went over Mr. Dill s dog s was asleep in the MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR way, n into the lamp-post, n bu st the post off short. Well, you never see the beat ! They wanted to settle the dog for the same s the minister, but Mr. Dill would n t hear to it for a minute, cause he said his dog was worth suthin . Judge Fitch come up n said the town d want three dollars for the lamp-post, n they paid that, n then they tried to arbitrate the dog; n in the end Mr. Dill took eleven dollars an fifteen cents, cause his collar s still good. Then they got into the auto mobile again an twisted the crank the other way, an it kited across the square an right over Gran ma Mullins. She was on her way to ask if it was true about you n the deacon, an it was plain s she wa n t in no disposition to enjoy bein run over by nothin . I never see her so nigh to bein real put out ; n even after they d settled with her for five dollars, she still did n t look a bit pleased or happy. Mrs. Craig n me 42 THE AUTOMOBILE went with her into Mr. Shores n helped her straighten her bonnet n take a drink o water, n then she said she s posed it was true about you an the deacon, n t, so help her Heaven, she never would V believed s either o you had so little sense. She said to tell you t all she s got to say is t if he deceives you like he s deceived her, you 11 know how it feels to have him deceive you s well s she knows how it feels to of had him deceive her. She says she s goin to take a hammer an smash that nut n that daguerre type into a thou sand smithereens this very afternoon." " I m sorry s " said Mrs. Lathrop, regretfully. " While we was sittin there talkin , in come Mrs. Macy, with her cat over her arm, to ask if there was enough of it left to make a muff. Seems t when the automo bile headed out o town they come on the cat crossin the road, n afore she knew s 43 MRS. LATHROPS LOVE AFFAIR there was a death in the family they was tryin to settle the cat at a dollar. Said she never see the beat o the way the cat was ironed flat ; she jus stood n stared, n then they offered her two dollars. She took the two dollars an come to town, n f there ain t enough for a muff, she 11 have a cap with the tail over her ear. She wanted to know if it was true about you n the deacon, an she tried to swing the cat around s if she did n t care, but it was easy seen she did. She said she would n t have the deacon for a gift, n I told her s there was others havin to admit the same thing. I says to her, I says: There s a good many in this town s won t have the deacon, but it ain t for lack o tryin to get him, Lord knows. Jus then we see the man with the cap s does the settlin for damages tearin by the window afoot. We run to the door an sec him grab Mr. Sweet s bicycle n ride away on it ; n it did n t take no great 44 THE AUTOMOBILE brains to guess s suthin* fresh had happened under the automobile. A little while after the man with goggles an Mr. Jilkins come walkin into the square, a-leadin Mr. Jil- kins s horse. The horse was pretty well splintered up, n the harness was hangin* all out o tune ; the man with goggles looked to be upset, n Mr. Jilkins looked like he d been upset n was awful mad over it. Every one went to know what it was ; an I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, s I never hear such a story o unforeseen miseries pilin up. Seems t when Mr. Jilkins went home las night n told his wife about you n the deacon, they decided to come to town right off to-day n try to argue common sense into him. Mr. Jilkins said t he was n t afraid o the property goin out o the family, cause you n the deacon could n t naturally expect nothin but grandchildren at your age; but he said they jus didn t want him married, n they was goin to see 45 MRS. LATHROP^S LOVE AFFAIR t he did n t get drug into it. So they took the horse n the colt an the democrat n started up to town this mornin , n jus* beyond the bridge they met the automobile warmin up from Mrs. Macy n her cat. Mr. Jilkins says his horse ain t afraid o nothin on earth only threshin -machines, men asleep, n bicycles; but it never d seen a automobile afore, n it jumped right into it. Well, him in goggles n his friend in damages jumped right out, n the auto mobile run into the fence an run over the colt, n spilled Mr. and Mrs. Jilkins n the horse all out. The horse fell down n Mrs. Jilkins could n t get up, n the man in the cap wanted to settle for five hundred dollars right on the spot. Then they went to work an got the tool-box, n got the horse up, n he seemed to be all right, only pretty badly marred ; an* they backed the automobile out o trie fence an give Mrs. Jilkins a drink out o their bottle, n tucked 46 THE AUTOMOBILE her up warm in the seat, an then set to work on the democrat. They was gettin everythin all straightened out neat s a pin when, all of a sudden, Mrs. Jilkins give a yell, an they looked up to see the automo bile kitin off up the hill, n her screamin an wavin her hands ; n the next thing they see, she went over the top o the hill > > > i i. n out o sight. Miss Clegg stopped; Mrs. Lathrop drew in her breath. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, seems to me I never hear nothin to equal that in all my born days. Mrs. Jilkins off in a automo bile alone ! N the man in the cap see it jus s I did, for he wanted to settle for a thousand, spot cash, then n there. But Mr. Jilkins would n t settle ; there T s no denyin Mr. Jilkins saw what a good thing he d got when his wife went off in that automobile ; so then the man in the cap hustled in town, got a bicycle, 47 MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR n scurried after her s fast s he could paddle." " Did they find ? " inquired Mrs. La- throp. " Not when I come home they had n t. The man in goggles had took Mr. Jilkins to the hotel for dinner, n Mr. Jilkins was tickled to death, for he never eat in a hotel in his life before. If he goes off, he always gets back, or else takes a lunch." " Are you goin ? " Mrs. Lathrop asked. " Yes ; I m goin down-town again. I m goin right now. I want to know the end s Mrs. Jilkins made. N there s lots o people s ain t had no chance yet to ask me if it s true about you n the deacon." "When s he a-com ?" Mrs. Lathrop asked. " On the five-o clock ; n he said s he sh d come straight up here to settle it all. I* s pose you ve turned the subjeck round an round n upside down till you ve 48 THE AUTOMOBILE come out jus where I said you would at first." "I guess I 11 take " " I would f I was you. Mr. Kimball says Deacon White s as good help s any woman can hope to get hold o in a place this size, an I guess he s hit that nail square on top. I don t see but what, when all s said an done, you can really take a deal o comfort havin him so handy. He likes to keep things clean, n you 11 never let him get a chance to go to Satan emptyhanded. N we can always send him to bed when we want to talk, cause bein s he 11 be your husband, we won t never have to fuss with considerin his feelin s any." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop, thoughtfully. " O course there would n t be nothin very romantic in marryin the deacon ; n yet, when you come right square down to it, I don t see no good n sufficient reasons for long hair bein romantic an big ears not. 4 49 MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR Anyway, I sh d consider t a man s can clean a sink, n will clean a sink, was a sight safer to marry n one s whose big hit was standin up the ends o his mustache. N besides, you can have the man with the sink, n the man with the mustache would n t even turn round to look at you the first time." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Romance is a nice thing in its place. I Ve had my own romances four on em, n not many women can say that n still be unmarried, I guess. I Ve lived n I Ve loved, as the books say ; n I Ve sur vived, as I say myself; n you can believe me or not, jus as you please, Mrs. Lathrop, but I ain t got no feelin toward you this night but pity. I would n t be you if I could not now n not never. I d really liefer be the deacon, n Heaven knows t he s got little enough to look forward to hereafter." "I " expostulated Mrs. Lathrop. 50 THE AUTOMOBILE " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, if you keep me here much longer, I sha n t get down-town this afternoon ; n when you think how near Mrs. Jilkins s comin to bein related to you, it certainly will look very strange to the community." As she spoke, Miss Clegg rapidly pre pared herself for the street, and with the last words she went toward the door. " If the deacon gets here afore I come back," she said, pausing with her hand on the knob, " you d better say s what he told me yesterday in confidence n what I told him in consequence is still a secret ; it 11 be pleasanter for you both so." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Good-by," said Susan. Mrs. Lathrop slept some that afternoon and rocked more. She experienced no very marked flutterings in the region of her heart ; indeed, she was astonished herself at the calmness of her sensations. MRS. LATHROP S LOVE AFFAIR The deacon had not come when Susan returned. Susan looked somewhat puzzled. "Anybody been here since me?" she inquired, not facing her friend, but examin ing the stovepipe with interest. "No; no" " Mrs. Jilkins is all safe," she said next. " I m so " " That automobile run way past Cherry Pond, n their hired man see her ridin* by n made after her on a mule. The gaso lene give out before the mule did, so he hauled her home, n the man in the cap come n took the automobile back to town." "So it sail " " They all landed over at the drug-store n got in n started out fresh. Mr. Jil kins settled for the five hundred, n they went off feelin real friendly. They run out across the square, an then " Susan hesi tated. " You got a shock yesterday," she 52 said, still not looking at her friend, but speaking sympathetically, " n it seems too bad to give you another to-day ; but you 11 have to know " " Heaven pro " cried Mrs. Lathrop. " They run over the deacon comin out o* the station. They did n t see him, an he did n t see them. He ain t dead." Mrs. Lathrop was silent. " Mrs. Allen took him home. Of course that means Polly 11 get him in the end." Mrs. Lathrop was silent for a long time. Finally she said very deliberately : " Maybe it s just as " "It s better," said her friend, with de cision ; " for the man settled with the deacon for fifteen hundred." 53 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL MRS. LATHROP had been dumb founded to see a horse and wagon being driven into her neighbor s yard a little before noon one warm spring day. Her eyesight was not good enough to identify the horse s driver, but she hung breathlessly in her kitchen window and peered gaspingly out upon his boldness and daring during the whole four minutes that it took him to hitch to a clothes-pole ; and then, when the fell deed was accomplished, she watched him go in by the kitchen door, and waited, with a confidence born of a very good understanding of her neighbor s views as to driving in and hitching, to see him cast ignominiously forth by Miss 57 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL But even that omniscience of a friend s habits which may be acquired during a next- door residence for years sometimes fails, and Mrs. Lathrop, after an hour of more or less active bobbing in the window that commanded the best view of the rear of the house on the other side of the fence, was forced to see that the caller, whoever he might be, was not cast forth, and a further hour s attention showed that he did not quit the premises either just before or just after dinner. When Mrs. Lathrop had quite settled the last point to her complete satis faction and un-understanding, she decided to give up watching and to go to sleep as usual. She slept until four in the after noon, and when she awoke and hurried to the window the horse and wagon were gone. Susan seemed gone too, for her house looked very shut up and sounded more than silent. So Mrs. Lathrop went back forthwith to her chair and slept again, and the next time 58 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL she awakened it was her friend s voice that awakened her, as the latter stood over her and demanded briskly, " Well, did you see him ? " "I oh oh I " began Mrs. Lath- rop, vaguely. " I thought you could n t but see him," said Susan, " hitchin his horse to one o my clothes-poles as large as life. If it d been any day in his life but this one I d surely of told him frank n open my views on hitchin to my clothes-poles, but bein as it was to-day I only told him my views on drivin over my grass." " But " began Mrs. Lathrop. " The horse did n t bite the pole," con tinued Susan ; " he said as he wa n t no crib- ber. I told him it wa n t cribs as was the question, but clothes-poles, an I might of spoken some stronger, but just then he stepped on the edge of the cistern cover n I got such a turn as drove everythin else 59 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL clean out o my mind. You know how easy it is to turn that cover, Mrs. Lathrop, V I must say that if he and it had fell in together there d have been a fine tale to tell, for the cover always sinks straight to the bottom, n is no joke to find n fish up, you and I both know that. Ever since the brace give way I ve always got it on my mind to keep the clothes-bars sittin over it, but now the brace in the clothes-bars is give way too n as a consequence they won t sit over nothin no more. If money was looser I d certainly never spare it gettin them two braces mended, but money bein tight and me alone in the house n the most of my callers them as it s all one to me whether I see em in the parlor or in the cistern, I ain t botherin . I was never one to worry an scurry unnecessarily, Mrs. Lathrop, an you know that as well as I do, n to-day I had my mind all done up in my curtains anyway, n I was more n a little put out 60 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL over bein interrupted, even by a man as come in through the woodshed door, that I never bolt cause it s a understood thing as woodshed doors is not to be come in at. The turn he give me when I hear him clutterin aroun in the woodshed ! I thought he was rats, an then a cat, an then a rat an a cat come together, an then all of a sudden I see him an remembered the cis tern cover." "But who " asked Mrs. Lathrop. Susan looked surprised. " Why, I thought you said you seen him," she said ; " you certainly give me that impression, Mrs. Lathrop. I d have took any vow anywhere as I asked you if you seen him n you said you did. It s funny if you did n t for he drove hisself in n hitched hisself too, n me up in the garret when he done it, foldin off my curtains to iron. My, to think how I did hate the idea o ironin them curtains ! Mother al- 61 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL ways ironed the curtains. She said I was young n she did n t mind anyhow. I ain t washed em since. I ve been in the habit o sayin I was afraid it d bring mother over me too much to take em down without her. That s a thing as this community can easy understand, f r they leave all their hard work layin around for any reason a tall, and although I can t in reason deny as in most ways they re as dif ferent from me as anything can be from me, still when it comes to ironin curtains the stove is as hot on the just as on the unjust n you can t mention nothin hotter." "Did you " said Mrs. Lathrop, sym pathetically. "Well, I sh d say I did. What I set out to do I always do whether it s curtains or Mr. Kimball. Mr. Kimball has got a great idea as to his sharpness, but I guess if our sharp ends was under a microscope, he d be the needle an me the bee-sting 62 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL most every day. It was too bad you wasn t to that lecture, Mrs. Lathrop, I did learn a great deal. Nqt just about the sting, but some very handy things. It seems if you go among em quietly, they 11 let you take the honey out any time n you can buy the queens by mail in a box n they 11 lay a whole hive alone by them selves in no time. Mrs. Macy said she thought some of sendin for one or two queens n settin em up in business in bushel baskets, but when she went home n looked the baskets over n thought what work it d be to clean the honey out of em each fall she give up the idea. She s going to set out a orange tree in a flower pot instead. It says in the Ladies Home Diary as they grow very nicely so." " But who " interrupted Mrs. Lathrop, wrinkling up her face somewhat over the long strain on her eager attentiveness. " But I thought you said you seen him," 63 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL said her friend, with a second recurrence of her surprised expression ; " did n t you see him when you see him drivin in ? He was holdin the reins at the big end o the whip, I should suppose. I can t well see how you saw everythin* else without seein him. He was some better dressed n usual but it just shows what bein left a widower does for a man. It seems to somehow put new spirit in em n sets em to wearin* ties again. Why, do you know when he come to go he actually asked me to ride a piece with him n show him which finger-post to turn in to, an I will say as, where I would n t of dreamed o ridin with him a week ago, I went to-day an really enjoyed it. Yes, I did." "Was it " cried Mrs. Lathrop, with a sudden gleam of intuition. Susan looked surprised for the third time. " Why, of course," she said, " who else could it be?" Then she left her position 64 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL near the door, came over nearer to her friend, took a chair and began to untie her bonnet. " I don t know as I m surprised over your bein surprised, Mrs. Lathrop," she continued in a slightly milder tone after a brief pause for vocal renovation. " I will confess as I was really nothin but surprised myself. I supposed as a matter o course that to-day he was in Meadville buryin her, V when I first see him the funeral was so strong in my mind as I thought he d druv over to maybe borrow father s black bow for his front door. I made my mind right up to tell him straight to his face as he could n t have it, for I told you once as I was keepin that bow for you, Mrs. Lathrop, an when I promise anybody anythin I keep my word, whether it s a receipt or a bow for their own funeral, an when I saw old man Ely it did n t take me no two minutes to keep my word the same as ever, n 5 6 5 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL father s black bow too. But laws, he was n t after no bow ! I very quickly found out as all as he was after was the funeral, f r it seems as they was uncommonly spry with it. He told me right off as they had it pretty prompt too, for he says when it comes to buryin a wife there s no need for a man to go slow, n so he had all Meadville up with the lark V out after old Mrs. Ely. He seemed to feel all of a sudden as it was a little awkward me not havin been there, but I saw how he felt n made his mind easy by tellin him frank n open that it was n t nothin agin his wife as kept me here, for when it come right square down to it I did n t know any one as I d enjoy their fun eral more n gettin my curtains ironed ; an I may in truth repeat to you as that s so, Mrs. Lathrop, for although it may seem hard at first hearin , still we both know what it is to iron curtains, n my motto always is as a live lion has rights above a dead dog, and 66 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL the proverb says as the dead is always ready to bury the dead anyhow. Old man Ely seemed to look on it much as I did, for he did n t fiddle about none with his affairs, but came right to the point an told me fair an square as, not havin anythin particular on hand after it was over, an seein clear as he was three miles out of his way anyhow, he d thought he d come on as far as Pete Sander son s n* see about a cow as he d heard Pete had, n then after that it looked to him like it was pretty much a day for odd jobs straight through, so he come over here to get some graftin s from our grape-vine. He said as father d told him once as he could have some graftin s from the porch-vine if he d come and cut em, n so he was come. I told him as when it was n t nothin more important than grape-vines father s words was ever my laws ; so he went out n cut some pieces from the Virginia creeper an come in perfectly satisfied, n I may in con- 67 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL fidence remark as I was satisfied too for I was n t overpleased to have him meddlirT with the porch-vine. I will remark, though, as his cuttin Virginia creeper for grape vines did amuse me some, for it s been a well-known fact for years as Mrs. Ely was Mr. Ely in everythin but the clothes he wore, n they say the way she managed to figger-head him through plantin n harvest, n pasture n punkins, was nothin short of genius, bred in the bone n bustin out every seam. " Howsomesoever, he stayed n stayed n I ironed n ironed, n we talked about the farm n father n how well he remem bered father n what a good daughter I was n what a good wife Mrs. Ely was n how well he was goin to bear it, n I begun to wonder when he was intendin to go or whether he was thinkin of stayin all day, n at last there was nothin but to ask him to dinner, n I was n t intendin to have no 68 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL dinner on a count o the curtains. It s a very hard thing, Mrs. Lathrop, when you re not intendin to have dinner to have to in vite company for it, but there did n t seem no way to help it. I could n t in decency more than mention as Mrs. Brown was to home an I knowed as the Fishers was give to Irish stew on Tuesdays, but no, sir, there he sat like a bump on a log n in the hind end I could n t but ask him to stay n have just cold pork n beans on a count o the funeral. N so he stayed. I set my irons back with a heavy heart n said it seemed like some days misfortunes never come sin gle, for I d already seen a water-bug in the kitchen that very mornin ; but he seemed to have decided to be thick-skinned, so I put on the tea-kettle n brought out the pork n beans n we sat down to eat." "Was " asked Mrs. Lathrop. " Well, I should think he was," replied Susan. " I never see such a appetite. He 69 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL eat pork n beans like he thought they was twins off a vine, n I had to finally get up n clear away to save any a tall. I set the tea-kettle by him n told him to end by havin all the tea he wanted to pour through the leaves by himself, n I went back to my ironin . He sat there n drank tea very happy for a long spell. Seemed like it sort o thawed him out, n finally he begin to talk about her, n once he got started on that he never quit. I ironed curtains n lis tened n let him talk. It was n t long afore he begin to show the disadvantages o bein dead, for he said as he was always the practi cal one of them both, n he d never have dared say that with old Mrs. Ely on top of the earth. I was amused at his sayin it anyhow, with the Virginia creeper graftin s there in a tomato-can bearin witness agin him, but I did n t say nothin . He asked me if I d believe as she was really a very fair-lookin girl when they was married. I 70 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL could n t but stop at that n ask him if it was ever possible as her nose was ever any different, n he had to say c No, not any dif ferent; n I can assure you as he set n rubbed his chin with his hand a long time afterwards n then drew a big breath n said * No, not any different. I felt to respect his feelin s n did n t say nothin , n after a while he went on an said that they was very happy married on the whole, n then he rubbed his chin with his hand a nother long while n said over again c on the whole. He asked me then if I ever heard how he came to marry her first n I said as I always hear as it was to get the farm. He kind of flared up at that n said there never was nothin agin her but her nose, n at that I took a fresh iron n said he asked me a plain question n I give him a plain answer, which, considerin his horse n my clothes-pole n her nose, was all as could in reason be expected of me. He softened down at that n said as he OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL was n t by no means meanin to make light of his dead wife s nose, n I said as, speakin o Mrs. Ely s nose bein the one thing agin her, it was the joy of every other person as met her as it was agin her n not agin them, for it was a well-known fact as Mr. Kim- ball had said hunderds of times as if he had that nose an leaned over a bridge n see it in the water he d be willin to let it over balance him then n there n be drowned forever. He got pretty meek at that, for it showed as I was in earnest, n he went on to say as it was large, but he said as afore she took to that way of kind o shrinkin back of it it did n t look so large, n anyway she was his married n buried wife. I told him I was certainly glad to know that, seein as they d lived together so many years, n then he said it d really be nothin but a joy to him to tell me how he come to marry her, so I said I d listen n welcome n he started in. 72 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL " I must say this, Mrs. Lathrop, V that is that I soon see as it was lucky as I was n t feelin no special call to talk any myself, for he set out in a most steady sort of a discouragin down-pour, kind of cross- your-legs n clear-your-throat, n I see as I was in for it n just let him pour, for feel- in s catches us all ways n whatever he felt about old Mrs. Ely it was plain as some one had got to hear it to the last drop. So I let him drop away, n I will in all fairness say, as a more steady spout I never see no one under. He never seemed to consider as how me or any one might perhaps enjoy to maybe make a remark from time to time, n even when he ain t talkin he s got that way o rubbin his chin as makes it seem most impolite to bu st in on. I didn t care much, though, cause I had the curtains, n besides I may in confidence state as when I really felt to speak I sailed right in anyhow n spoke what I wanted to. For 73 I never was one to sit by n have my tail calmly trod on, as you n a great many others knows to your cost, Mrs. Lathrop, n then, too, each time when I see as he was nigh to tippin into the cistern it was really nothin but a joy to him to know it in time to hitch away." "Did " said Mrs. Lathrop. "In the first place," said Susan, "he asked me if I d mind his smokin his pipe, n I told him I most certainly would, so that ended that subjeck right up square at the beginnin . Then he said he d been married nigh on to forty years n I told him to look out for the cistern n he hitched along a piece n begin again. N then he seemed set a-goin for keeps. " Seems, Mrs. Lathrop, as he never had no family, but he says he was a very hand some young fellow for all that. I looked pretty hard at him, but he stuck to it n I let it go. He went on to say as he growed 74 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL up anyhow n drifted to Meadville when he was long about twenty-four, n went on to the Pearson farm. Oh, my, but he says that was a stony farm ! I tell you but he rubbed his chin with his hand a long while afore he said all over again, * but that was a stony farm ! An the gophers ! Well, he says whatever the Recordin Angel has got down he bets he s skipped some o them gophers. He says the hairs on your head is a mere joy to reckon up, n fallin sparrows too, beside them gophers. He says savin a cent in the time o Egypt n seein what you d have now if you d only done it, is nothin to the way them gophers on the Pearson farm was give to givin in marriage. He says as it was a very stony farm, n in between every two stones was one hole n half a dozen gophers to a hole, in the sin- gle season. He says ploughin was like churnin with nothin but stones n go phers in the churn. He says they was that 75 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL tame they d run up your legs n up the horses legs ; he said maybe I would n t be lieve it, n I told him I certainly would n t, so then he went on to another subjeck. " He says he used to plough through them gophers all day n court Tilly all night. Tilly was old Mrs. Ely. He says she d never been courted on a count of her nose, but he said he wanted a farm bad enough to be willin to never forget to tip his face pretty well crossways. He says she was so happy bein courted that at first it made the gophers just seem like nothin a tall, n he says as you can t maybe get the full sense o that but it s there just the same. I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, you can see that man has suffered. I asked him was he afraid of mice too, n he bristled up pretty sharp n said he wa n t afraid of gophers, only they took you so unawares. I had to tell him right there to look out for the cistern lid, n he hitched over by the 76 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL table again V then he said, Well, so it went all summer. He said he got so tired o gophers, n moonlight, n hittin her nose hard by accident, times when he was n t thinkin , as he was nothin but glad when September come round. He says he d figgered all along on bein married in Sep tember, n he never for one moment mis trusted as he wouldn t be; but he says of all the awful things to count on, Tilly Pear son was the worst. Oh ! my, he says, but she was cranky ! n then he rubbed his chin with his hand a long while n then said f cranky, over again in a very hard tone. He says would you believe it that after all his love-makin along the first o September she begin to get terrible uppish n throw her head aroun n put on airs n he was just dumbfounded at her goin s on." "What " asked Mrs. Lathrop. "Then he says one awful day when he was stackin straw, Old Pearson told him 77 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL flat V plain as if he was n t goin to marry Tilly, he need n t count on spendin the winter as their company. Well, he says you can maybe realize what a shock that was. He says his nose was just smashed numb n his sleep was full o grabbin at em in his dreams n now it looked like all was for nothin a tall. Still he says he scraped up a smile n a cheerful look n told Old Pearson as he was more n willin to marry Tilly for his winter s board but it was Tilly as was makin the trouble. He says Old Pearson looked sort of surprised at that, but he thought a little while n then he told him as if he was smart he d find a way to bring Tilly to her senses, cause every woman had some way to be brought to her senses, n then he went off n left him to think. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you can see with out any tryin that that man suffered. I pretty near stopped n burnt jus to listen 78 OLD MAN ELrS PROPOSAL to him. He says as he sit there plum be side hisself n most cried from not knowin what under Heaven s name to do. He says he was placed most awful with winter starin him stark in the face n no warm place to stay. He says nobody knows how it feels to feel like he was forced to feel, nless they ve been expectin to be married n then been discharged themselves instead. He says he looked about most doleful n wished he was dead or anythin that s warm, n then he got down from the stack n set on a old wagon tongue n jus tried to figger on if there was n t no way as he could think up as would make Tilly have him. He says the bitter part was to reflect as he had to work to make Tilly have him, when it d really ought by all rights to have been the other way. He says to think o that nose n then him obliged to work n slave to get hold of it ! " "I " began Mrs. Lathrop. 79 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL " Well, he see it different," said Susan ; " he says, n I can t in reason see how any one as knows as little as you, Mrs. Lath- rop, can deny him, he says as no one as gets married easy at the end of courtin can possibly figger on the difficulties of gettin married hard. He says it was jus beyond belief the way he felt as he set there re- flectin on his wasted summer n Tilly flip- pin aroun all unconcerned over him leavin in the end. He says his blood begun to slowly begin to boil as he set there thinkin , n in the end he jus up an hit the wagon- tongue with his fist n said c By Jinks ! n he says when he says f By Jinks, it is the end, n don t you forget it. " He says he d no sooner said c By Jinks than he thought of a plan, n he says Lord forgive him if he ever thinks of such an other plan. He says what put it into his head Heaven only knows, only o course he never expected as it would work out as it 80 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL did. He says he thought as she d see what he was up to n stop him along half-way. But Oh, my, he says, you never can count on a woman, n then he rubbed his chin with his hand for a long time n said all over again { never can count on a woman. " Well, he says after he d thought o the plan he went right to work to carry it out. He says it was one o them plans as dilly dally is death on. So he begun by makin sure as she was pastin labels on pickle-jars in the back wood-house n then he went out by the shed n got some old clothes line as was hangin there n come round to where the bingin -pole was n whittled notches in it n tied a piece o the line hard aroun the end. He says all the time he was tyin he was countin on her runnin right out n askin him what under the sun he was doin , but she never budged." "What " asked Mrs. Lathrop. " Well, if you 11 keep still n let me talk 6 81 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL I 11 tell you," said Miss Clegg ; " I had to keep still while he told me, n the Bible s authority for sayin as what man has done woman can always do too if she has a mind to. Well, he says then he bent the end of the pole around n tied it hard to one of the uprights of the shed so it was sprung around in a terrible dangerous manner n he says when he got it all tied, he looked up at the window n why she did n t come out he can t to this day see. But she didn t just stayed bobbin around over her labels n pastin . Well, he says o course he wa n t in no hurry to go on to next part, so he dragged the grin stone out in plain view of her n begun n sharpened a hatchet most awful sharp. He thought as the hatchet would bring her anyhow, but still she did n t come out, jus stuck to her stickin there in the window. I can t well see why he looked for her to come out be cause my view would be as if you did n t 82 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL want a man aroun , the more ropes an hatchets he was inclined to the more I d let him tie n sharpen, but old Mrs. Ely was always another parts o speech from me. She never could eat her own chickens, they say, nor sausage her own pigs, n I s pose he knowed her tender spots aforehand n was layin for em. Anyhow, to go back to him n the grin stone, he says you can t under no circumstances keep on sharpenin a hatchet forever, n so after a while he had to go on to the next part. He says he was beginnin to feel kind o shaky, but he took more line n made a slip-noose n tied it hard n fast to the pole. He says he looked up real bright n hopeful then, but still she did n t come out, n he says he slid it up over his arm two or three times so she could n t but see as it was a noose too. Oh, my, but he says he did begin to feel mad at her then, he says it wa n t in reason as any man d be pleased at a woman s smilin* 83 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL out of a window at him fixin a noose in plain sight. He says he 11 leave it to any one dead or alive to get into his skin n en joy the way he was beginnin to feel, but o* course he had to keep on with his plan, n he says next he laid the hatchet handy an set down (Oh, my, but he says the ground sent up a cold chill up his back !) n tied his feet to the other upright. Well, he says that foot-tyin was no joke, for he says he must of took fifteen minutes to it, for he was jus about wild by this time, not knowin what he would do if she did n t come out now. He says no one knows what it is to begin a thing as you count on surely havin stopped n then not be stopped a tall. He says as the sentiments as he begun to get was too awful for any or dinary words n he would scorn to use the words as could describe em even if he knowed any such. Well, he says, at last, when he was through tyin his feet, he 84 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL turned n looked at the window V if she wa n t gone to put up the jars, so he had no choice but to sit there on that cold ground n wait for her to come back. He said he hoped I d never know what his feelin s was as he waited n then he rubbed his chin with his hand a long time n said all over again, * as he waited. I told him it was n t likely as I would, n to look out for the cistern or he d know new feelin s n a new kind of waitin , so he had to hitch back by the table again n then he took a long breath before goin on to the next part. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, he says when she come back from puttin up the jars he jus could n t but feel as his hour was surely come. He says how he ever done it he never has seen since, but he took up that noose n put it over his head. He says as he did so he took a quick look at the win dow n seen her lookin , n he says he jus 85 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL hoped surely she d give a scream now V come runnin out the kitchen-door. But he says she d disappointed him so often his heart was like lead, n he felt bluer n he s ever felt any other time in his life. He says he fixed the noose all smooth around his neck for five minutes or so, n then there was nothin in the wide world left for him to do but to take up that awful sharp hatchet. "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I vow I was inter ested in spite of myself. His voice shook n his hands too jus with rememberin . I really felt to pity him I did. He says he lifted the hatchet n looked at the window tryin to hope fully n securely as this time she d surely come out screamin n runnin . N she never screamed n she never run ! Oh, my, but he says he was tremblin from head to foot n the cold sweat jus poured over him. He says he took up the hatchet n held it quiverin in his quiverin 86 OLD MAN ELY S PROPOSAL hand, n then he made a weak hack at the rope as tied the pole to the upright. He says he see her nose in the window as he hacked n then he says no words can ever describe his feelin s when he suddenly learned as he d cut the rope ! He says he never had no more idea o hittin the rope than he had o hangin himself, n he said when he very quickly felt as he d done both nothin can properly explain him ! He says the newspapers don t have no idea a tall of how it feels or they d never print it so cool n calm. He says cuttin the rope let the pole loose n the noose ran up on him n choked him most terrible. My gracious, he says but carbolic acid n Rough on Rats is child s play beside that grip on your throat. He says he never will forget how it felt, not if he lives to be Methusalem s great-grandfather. He says he got a most awful jerk from his head to his heels too as nigh to broke his ankles, n a twist in his 87 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL wrist from the weight o the hatchet, but he said he did n t have no time to take no a count o nothin just then but the way everythin turned red n black V run into his ears." "Did it kill " cried Mrs. Lathrop, much excited. " I m goin to tell you. He says the last thing he knowed was Tilly s shriek. O course when he cut the rope she seen he d meant it all, n so she grabbed up a carvin knife n yelled to her father n run. Old man Ely says it was good she run, for there was n t a minute to lose. Old Pear son run too from where he was in the barn but Tilly got there first. She didn t lose one second in sawin him free at both ends n he says he was so nigh to dead that first he thought she was a gopher, n then an angel. Oh, my, but he says he was dizzy at first, n faint, n queer in his ears. He sat n thought about it all by himself 88 OLD MAN ELVS PROPOSAL for a long while this mornin afore he went on again. He says no one ever realizes how close they are to eternity unless they accidentally go n do suthin so darn fool ish as that. " Well, he says, after a while, after a long, long while, he felt to get to the house, n then, he says, come one o the strangest parts o the story the part as shows how everythin turns out for the best in the end. He says it s really most like a fairy-tale, n jus as if he d planned it all to order. Seems when he tried to get up n walk to the house Tilly wanted her father to help hold up his other side, n she could n t see where her father was. She started aroun the shed to look for him n there she found him stretched out flat. Seems when she cut Ely loose she let the pole fly roun jus in time to take her father in the legs n there he laid, not dead, but in a way as showed right off as some one else d have to run his 89 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL farm from then on. Well, old man Ely says you needn t tell him as there ain t no All-wise Providence after that, n he rubbed his chin with his hand a long, long while n shook his head n then said { need n t tell him all over again. He says he joined the church the very next Sunday n him n Tilly was married in September like he d always planned. He says they was very happy on the whole n after a while Old Pearson got where he got around pretty well, only for a crazy idea he had as suthin unexpected was goin to hit him sudden. He says he had the idea so strong as he never was free from it while he was alive n it was a mercy when he died. He says as he see how good things can turn out, for, Tilly always jus loved him half to death cause he d loved her enough to cut that rope in two. He says he means her to have a very handsome monu ment, n if he ever marries again he shall 90 OLD MAN ELTS PROPOSAL keep her picture in the parlor just the same." " Do " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Well, I think he 11 try to," said Miss Clegg, " but his other wife may not see it in the same spirit, Mrs. Ely not bein no great ornament, n the farm is safe now any how." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop, further. "Yes," said Susan, "I thought so my self but it didn t seem to strike him that way." THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR PART FIRST MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS MRS. LATHROP, rocking plac idly in her kitchen window, was conscious of a vague sense of worry as to her friend over the fence. It appeared to her that Susan was looking more thin and peaked than nature had intended. It is true that Miss Clegg was always of a bony and nervous outline, but it seemed slowly but surely borne in upon her older friend that of late she had been rapidly becoming sharper in every way. Mrs. Lathrop felt that she ought to speak that she ought not to lead her next door neighbor into the false belief that her suf- 95 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR ferings were unnoticed by the affectionate spectacles forever turned her way, and yet Mrs. Lathrop being Mrs. Lathrop it was only after several days of rock ing and cogitation that the verbal die came to its casting. That came to be upon a summer evening, and it came to pass across the barrier-fence where Miss Clegg had come to lean wearily, her shoulders and the corners of her mouth following the same dejected angle, while her elderly friend stood facing her with a gaze that was at once earnest, penetrating, and commiserating, and a clover blossom in her mouth. " Susan," said Mrs. Lathrop, in a voice mournful enough to have renovated Job ; "Susan, I " Miss Clegg shut her eyes firmly and opened them sharply. " I m glad you have," she said, in a voice whose tone was divided between relief 96 MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS and reproach, "I certainly am glad you have. I try to be close-mouthed n never trouble any one with my affairs, Mrs. Lathrop, but I will say as I have often wondered at how you could sit n rock in the face of what I ve been grinnin n bearin these last few weeks. Not that rockin is any crime, n I always feel it must be fine exercise for the chair, but it s hard for one who has the wolf at their door, n not only at their door, but nigh to bu stin it in, to see their dearest friend rockin away, like wolf or no wolf she d go on forever." Mrs. Lathrop looked aggrieved. " Why, Susan " she protested. "That ain t no excuse," the friend said, not harshly but with a cold distinctness ; " you may talk yourself blind if you feel so inclined, n I don t say but what you really did n t mean nothin , but the fact remains, n always will remain, as you ve 7 97 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR took a deal of comfort rockin while I Ve been kitin broadcast tryin to see if I could keep soul n body together or whether I d have to let one or the other of em go." Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth and eyes widely. " 1 never " she gasped. Susan hooked herself on to the fence-rail with both her elbows preparatory to a lengthy debate ; her eyes were bright, her expression one of unreserved exposition. Mrs. Lathrop continued to keep her eyes and mouth open, but reasons which will soon be known to the reader prevented her making another remark for a long time. " Mrs. Lathrop, I may as well begin by goin way back to the beginnin of every- thin n takin you right in the hide and hair of my whole troubles. It ain t possible for you to realize what your rockin s meant to me unless you understand to the full what I Ve been goin through n crawlin 98 MISS CLEGG^S & under these last weeks. I want to your feelin s all I can, for it ain t in me to be unkind to so much as a gooseberry, but I can t well see how you can keep from bein some punched by remorse when you hear how I Ve been cleanin house with a heavy heart n no new mop. That s what I Ve been doin , Mrs. Lathrop, n so help me Heaven, it s death or a new mop next year. The way that mop has skipped dirt n dripped water! well, seein is the only believin when it comes to mops, but all I can say is that you never looked more spotty than I have since that mop, n you know how lookin spotty is mortal agony to me me not bein one who can be happy rockin on top of dirt. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I said I was goin to begin at the beginnin , so I will, although the whole town knows as it was that fine scheme of Mr. Kimball s as set my ball bouncin down hill. I was n t the only one 99 Ufift/ "* THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR as got rolled over n throwed out feet up, but I don t know as bein one of a number to lose money makes the money any more fun to lose. Mr. Dill was sayin yesterday as he would n t have listened to nothin but white for Lucy s weddin -dress if it hadn t been for Mr. Kimball n his little scheme, but I don t get any great comfort out of knowin that Lucy Dill s got to try n get herself married in her Aunt Samantha Dill s blue bengaline. The blue bengaline s very handsome n I never see a prettier arrange ment of beads n fringe, but every one says too much of Lucy shows at the top n bottom to even be romantic. They can hook it, but Lucy can t stay hooked inside but five minutes at the outside. I m sure I don t see how they 11 ever fix it, n Gran ma Mullins says she cries whenever she thinks that at Hiram s weddin the bride won t have no weddin -dress. Polly Allen wanted Lucy to open the darts n 100 MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS let in puffs like Mary Stuart s husbands always was puffed, but Lucy never see Mary Stuart n the only picture in town of any of her husbands has got him in bed with the sheet drawed up to his chin n his hands folded right on top of where they d want to copy the darts. Such a picture ain t no help a tal!, so Lucy is still shakin her head the same as at first. My idea would be to make no wish-bones about it n just be married in her travelin -dress n then wear it when she goes away, but it seems she wants her travelin -dress for church, n does n t mean to wear it travelin anyhow, because she n Hiram is just wild over the no-one-knowin -they re-married idea, n Lucy is goin to wear old gloves n some buttons off her shoes, n Hiram is goin to wear his mother s spectacles n Mr. Shores store umbrella. Gran ma Mullins feels awful over Hiram s goin away like that; she says she s brought him 101 THE WOLF AT SUSAN" S DOOR up so neat n always a vest on Sunday n only shirt-sleeves in summer, n now to think of him goin off on his weddin -trip in Mr. Shores umbrella! but Lucy don t care nor Hiram neither n they re goin to take along a piece of sand-paper n sand-paper the shine off the ring on the train. Polly Allen n the deacon is laughin to fits over them. Everythin s very differ ent with Polly n the deacon. The deacon says it ain t in reason as a man of sixty-two can look forward to many more weddin s, n he s goin to sit with his arm around Polly, n he don t care who chooses to suspeck they re weddin -trippin . They re goin to be all new clothes right through to their skins, n Polly s goin to have a orange-blossom bunch on her hat. The deacon says he 11 pay for all the rice folks are willin to throw, n it s a open secret as he s goin to give the minister a gold piece. The minister was smilin all over town about 1 02 MISS CLEGG^S SPECULATIONS it until Mr. Kimball told him he see a gold quarter-of-a-dollar once. He s hopin for a five, but Mr. Shores says he knows positive as the deacon got two two-dollar-and-a-halfs at the bank when his wife died, and he gave one to the minister then n probably he s been savin the other to get married again with." Susan paused for breath a vital neces sity and then went on : " But dear me, Mrs. Lathrop, all that ain t what I set out to tell you, n even if it s a pleasure to you to hear it, it ain t in reason as I should take my time to talk to you about other people s affairs. You may be interested in other people s affairs, but I ain t, n we started to talk about mine n what I set out to talk about I talk about or else I stay at home. It was my troubles as I was goin to make a clean high breast of, Mrs. Lathrop, n I 11 lay any odds as by the time I get through you 11 103 THE WOLF AT SUSAWS DOOR have little feelin to sleep in you. The Lord says, To him who hath shall be given, n I will in confidence remark as I ve just been achin to give it to you for. these many days. You Ve always been poor, but you Ve never seemed to mind ; now I m poor (yes, Mrs. Lathrop, jump if you like" for Mrs. Lathrop had started in surprise "but it s so) n / mind; I mind very much, I mind all up n down and kitty-cornered crossways, n if I keep on gettin poor, Lord have mercy on you, for I shall certainly not be able to look on calmly at no great amount of rockin ." Mrs. Lathrop stared widely and gasped openly. Susan continued : " It all began with Mr. Kimball n his gettin the fever of speckilation. Mr. Kim- ball said he thought he d rather get rich quick than not get rich at all. That was the way he put it n it sounded so sensible t I felt to agree. Then he begin to unfold 104 MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS how (he had the newspaper in his hand), V as soon as he was unfolded I read the adver tisement. It was a very nice advertisement an no patent medicine could have sounded easier to take in. You buy two rubber trees n then wait two years n get fifty per cent till you die. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I went over that advertisement fifty times to try n see what to do n yet the more I studied it the less faith I had in it somehow. The picture of the man who tended the trees was up on top n little pictures of him made a kind of pearl frame around the whole, n he was honest enough lookin , as far as I could judge, but as I told Mr. Kimball what was to guarantee us as he d stick to the same job steady, n I certainly did n t have no longin* in me to buy a rub ber tree in southeast Peru n then leave it to be hoed around by Tom, Dick, n Harry. So I shook my head n said c no in the end n then we looked up railway 105 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR stocks. Mr. Kimball read me a list of millionaires n he asked me if I would n t like to be called Susan Clegg, queen of the Western Pacific but I m too old to be caught by any such chaff, n I told him so to his face, and then it was that we come to his favorite scheme of the * Little Flyer in Wheat. That was what he called it, n I must say that I think it s a pretty good name, only if I know myself I 11 buy wheat as never sets down hereafter. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, it took a deal of talkin n Mr. Kimball had to do a lot of figgerin before my eyes afore I was ready to believe him when he said as five of us could go in together n double our money every few days for a month or so. He showed me as what he was figgerin from was printed in plain letters n red ink in a city paper, n after a while I opened my mouth n swallowed the whole thing, red ink n all. Mr. Kimball, Mr. Dill, Mr. 106 MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS Shores, me, n me over again, was the five; n we bought the share right off, fully be- lievin as we d begin the wheat-flyin the same way " Susan paused and set her teeth a little vigorously for a moment, then: " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, that was the way it all begun, n I can lay my hand any where n swear as all my bad luck is founded solid on Mr. Kimball in conse quence. The very day after we begun with our fly instid of doublin he halved in the mornin paper n it seemed we d got to buy him all over again or it was good-by Johnny. Me bein the only one with money known to be ready n idle they brought the paper to me to save the share, n I can only say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I wish as you could have seen their faces when they saw mine. I saw I was a lamb sittin among the sharks, but I see, too, as I d have to come to time n I got the 107 money, n then we set down Mr. Dill, Mr. Shores, n me to figger on how much of the share was mine on the new deal. It struck me, n it strikes me now, n it always will strike me, as any one as owns two-fifths of a thing and then buys the whole thing over again owns seven- fifths of it from then on, but Mr. Dill had the face to tell me to my face as it wa n t so at all. He figgered the share at 100 n us paid down at 50 n me all together as aggravatin up to 45, n I could only sit starin n stark ravin dumb to see where he would come out after that. I did n t say nothin of what I felt to him or Mr. Shores, for the very good reason as I wanted to save all my feelin s for Mr. Kimball, but I tell you that a volcano gettin itself made in the beginnin is floatin lily-pads beside the in side of me that hour. " I went down-town that afternoon n I aired myself pretty thoroughly over the 1 08 MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS whole town, I can assure you. Mr. Allen said I d better pocket my loss V give up dabblin in stocks, but I did n t see no great sense in what he said. I did n t have nothin to pocket, everything was gone, n so far as dabblin goes I wa n t dabblin , I was in up to my nose. But Mr. Kimball come out as brassy as a bass-drum n showed me a picture of wheat layin on his back in bed takin a tonic with four doctors doin up his room work for him. The doctors was all millionaires on that stock list of railroads n I counted on their knowin what they were givin him, so I come home quite a little easier, n that night I slept like a ton of hay. But the next day ! my Lord alive, you remember the next day, don t you, Mrs. Lathrop, n it must have been arsenic as them four had put in his bottle, for I was up in the garret makin a thistle down pillow n there come Ed tearin up on his bicycle to tell me as I must stick in 109 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR ten dollars more on a margin. c On a what ? I hollered from the window. f On a mar gin, he hollered from under the porch. Well, really, Mrs. Lathrop, I do believe if he had n t been under the porch I would have throwed something down on him. My, but I was mad ! I come down that garret-ladder like a greased pan n I tied my bonnet on n walked straight in on Mr. Kimball. That was one time as he did very little jokin , n in the end he put in five of the ten himself n then we both sat down n tried to figger out as to how much of that share we each owned. I will confess as takin down stoves was lookin out of the window beside that job, n in the end he made out as that if the share was worth the whole of itself I d own half, but bein worth only what had happened to it there was n t the half in the whole. So I come home n dreamed nothin but night mares runnin wildly up n down me. no MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS " You know what happened next ! it was the next mornin , n I was makin bread with a very heavy dough when Ed come bouncin in for three dollars more margin. Well, I honestly thought I d bu st. I blazed up so quick n so sudden that Ed fell back agin the table, n then I shook till the window rattled. It was a good minute before I could speak, n when I spoke, I may in truth remark, Mrs. Lathrop, that I never spoke plainer nor firmer in my life, f Edward Andrews I says c Edward Andrews, you paddle yourself right back to Mr. Kimball n tell him that my patience is very short n is gettin shorter each minute, n you may just casually mention that I ain t got no more money to margin with not now n not never. If a thing as I Ve paid nigh to eight-fifths for is shrunk to less than half of itself Mr. Dill n Mr. Shores can mar gin for it from now on I m done forever. in THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR N I was done, too but I never bargained on what came next! Mr. Kimball traded that share in wheat for two in a Refrigerator Trust n never even so much as sneezed about it to me, n I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I consider that the Bible sayin* f Honor among thieves ought to apply to me just as much as to any one else. N there I went into the city as unsuspectin as a can brimful of buttermilk n bought a paper to read comin home on the cars, n what should I unfold but wheat runnin up a ladder along with a bull to get out of the way of a lot of wild-lookin lambs ! The ladder- rungs was numbered n I was sharp enough to see as them numbers was money n that wheat had one leg safe on no; so I kited home to sell out n it was then I learned about the Refrigerator ! "Well, Mrs. Lathrop! well, Mrs. Lathrop, what do you think was my feelin s then ? I tell you boilin lava n 112 MISS CLEGG^S SPECULATIONS India s sunny strand was n t hotter than me that minute. Me the backbone of the whole thing n sold out like I was a mummy while I was in town buyin darnin - cotton !" Miss Clegg shifted her weight to the other foot and drew a long, fresh breath. " Mr. Kimball n me has never been the same since," she continued with warmth ; "we had enough to make us different, Heaven knows, for from that day on mis fortune has just dogged and rabbited me, I know. The winter was so cold that the only way the Refrigerator Trust could come out even was to burn up toward spring, n the day it burnt wheat was sittin on 140, kissin his hand to the new crop." "But Mr. Kim " interposed Mrs. Lathrop. " Oh, well, of course, havin Mr. Shores fail right opposite brightened everything for him I d smile myself if any one was to 8 "3 THE WOLF AT SUSAN\S DOOR fail right opposite me, n I said just that very thing to Mr. Shores the mornin after. I says, I says, f Mr. Shores, you must consider that this is a world of ups and downs, n that if you don t like to fail your failure is makin Mr. Kimball happy n your loss will be his credit. But Mr. Shores was too busy to talk, so I bought two skewers to encourage him n come out, n within a week I found to my sorrow as I was pretty unpleasantly near to a mark- down sale myself." "It was " observed Mrs. Lathrop, sadly. "Yes," said her friend, "that s just when it was, that very self-same week. I was in the square listenin to Gran ma Mullins everlastin tale of woe over Hiram n Lucy, n up come the blacksmith with a tale of woe for myself. Now, Mrs. Lath rop, you know me n you Ve known me a long time n you Ve heard me tell this a 114 MISS CLEGG^S SPECULATIONS good many times n yet I want to ask you one time more, do you think any one but the blacksmith n Mr. Dill would ever have blamed me for the crick s washing out back of the blacksmith s n lettin the an vil n the hind legs of Mr. Dill s horse slide out sudden ? Of course, I own the blacksmith shop n of course I rent it, but as I told him n Mr. Dill both that very day nobody can t rent common sense nor yet keep track of men s washouts n horses hind legs. I knowed all the time I was walkin towards the crick that it was goin to be a bad business, but I never expected to see nothin as looked like Mr. Dill s horse, n I never again shall hope to see nothin as 11 look like Mr. Dill s looks as he looked at the horse. Not as his horse was n t worth lookin at either. His legs had gone out behind so far n so unexpected that it seemed like he could n t get them high enough n close THE WOLF AT SUSASTS DOOR enough to suit him, V he just stood there drawin them up alternate for all the world like a fly on fly-paper. Mr. Dill said he felt like if his horse was n t ever goin to be able to h ist his legs no quicker n that he d have to have damages, n at that word I nigh to sat right down. I tell you what, Mrs. Lathrop, Mr. Weskin has bred this damage idea too deep into this town for any comfort. It s got to where it s better to hurt yourself most any way than to damage some one else only a little. I would n t take the chances of sayin * shoo to a hen on a slippery mornin , n things has come to a pretty pass when you ve got to consider a hen s back-slidin s. Such bein the case I felt more n a little troubled when Mr. Dill said damages, but I tried to look on the bright side, n I told him that it seemed to me that a proper-minded horse would have hauled in his legs when he felt himself slip- pin* in half. Mr. Dill said his horse unfor- 116 MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS tunately could n t see with his tail n was also brought up to consider anvils as solid. I answered as all I could say was as it was a great pity as his horse was n t built enough like the rest of the world to have better hindsight than foresight, n then I looked at the anvil in the crick n then I come home." " N that " said Mrs. Lathrop, sadly. " Yes, that very night ! it was that very night that the lightnin struck my house " Susan halted a moment to turn and look at the house. " I never will see why the lightnin had to strike my house, Mrs. Lathrop, with yours so handy right next door ; but it did strike it n me inside sleepin the sleep of the nigh to poverty-stricken n done-up, n never as much as dreamin of bein woke by a brick bouncin out of my own flesh n blood stove-hole. My heavens alive ! what a night that was, n even if nothin catched fire everythin in kingdom come rained in, n when mornin come n I see what a small hole it was after all I would n t ever have believed it if you d swore it till the week after doomsday." " And then " said Mrs. Lathrop, sym pathetically. " Yes, n then come the roof-mendin . I never can feel to blame myself there because I did n t want to pay no carpenter, n you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, as it looked just as easy to get up on that roof as to fall off any other. I hung the shingles around my neck n put the nails in my mouth n the hammer down my back, n then I went up the lattice n got over the little window on to the ridge-pole. You know, Mrs. Lathrop, how simple it all seemed from the ground, n I was to just sit edgeways from the end of the peak right along up to the hole, but you ve heard me remark afore n I will now remark again 118 MISS CLEGG^S SPECULATIONS as no one on the ground has any notion of ridge-poles as they really are. A ridge-pole from the ground, Mrs. Lathrop, looks like it could n t be fell off, but from itself it feels like it could n t be stuck on to, n I thought I d swallow the last one of them nails gaspin afore I got to the hole. You saw me tryin to get to the hole, Mrs. Lathrop, n then you saw me tryin to get the hammer. I thought I d go somer- settin head over heels afore I got it fished out n then there was n t no place to lay it down ! " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I never shall be able to look back on that day and hour without a cold conscience. It was certainly a awful time. I took a nail out of my mouth n a shingle off my neck n made ready to begin. I took the hammer n just then I looked down n if there was n t the minister n his wife just turnin in my gate ! 119 THE WOLF AT SUSAWS DOOR " Well, of course, that came nigh to endin me ever n ever ! No Christian would ever dream of answering her front- door bell from her back ridge-pole, n I never was one to do nothin as folks could talk of. I see it was do or die right then or there n I made a quick slide for the porch roof. You know what happened, n I never have felt to forgive the minister, even if it was n t him as drove that unexpected nail in my roof. Mrs. Lathrop, we ve spoke of this afore, n I ve said then, n I 11 say now, that in spite of my likin for you, no one as rocks forever on a cushion can be able to even surmise what it is to slide quick over a unexpected nail, n so it was only natural that even in the first hour I never looked for anything from you but Pond s Extract. But I may remark further for it s right you should know that nothin in my whole life ever rasped me worse the wrong way of my hair than to watch you 1 20 MISS CLEGG\S SPECULATIONS rockin that fortnight that I had my choice to stand up or go to bed, n even in bed I had to get up n get out if I wanted to turn over. Mr. Shores told Mrs. Macy as probably it was the sun as had drawed that nail, n all I can say is that I hope if it was the sun n he ever takes it into his head to draw another of my nails, that he ll either draw it completely out or leave it completely in, for I know as I never want to come down from another ridge-pole by way of another nail not while I m alive anyhow." A short pause and a long sigh. Mrs. Lathrop sighed, too. "Then come the bill from the carpenter n from young Doctor Brown, n for raisin the anvil, n I was hardly onto my legs before Mr. Dill s horse quit his hind ones. Mr. Weskin was up n doin as usual n advised bringin a joint suit with the blacksmith for the anvil n me for the 121 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR crick, but even if I was helpless the black smith wa n t goin to be sued if he could do anything else, n he brung Mr. Dill up to see if we could n t arbitrate ourselves. Mr. Dill s always been very nice to me, but that wheat-fly made him so mad to be paid something by somebody that it took the blacksmith n me and four glasses of root beer to bring him to reason. In the end he said if the blacksmith would shoe everything he owned till it died n if I would put up Lucy s currants till I died that he d call them two legs straight. We wrote a paper n signed it n I went to bed, n seemed like my trials were certainly more than any mortal could stand under, particularly when you consider that a good deal of the time I had n t been able to sit down. " I don t see why any one should be sur prised over me lookin* worried. It says in the Bible that if you n Mohamet ain t on the mountain you re bound to have the 122 MISS CLEGG S SPECULATIONS mountain n Mohamet both on you, V I must say I believe it s true. I ve had to take the ten dollars as I never touch, n the ten as I never will touch, n the ten as I never will touch so help me Heaven n spend em all. N I don t know what I am goin to do now, I m sure. Bein your self, Mrs. Lathrop, you can t in reason be expected to understand what it is to me to have no one but you to turn to. You Ve got your good points, but you ain t no hand to have ideas nor yet to advise. I ve been slow in comin to that view of you, but 1 ve got to it at last, n got over it, n I m walkin alone now on the further side." Mrs. Lathrop looked apologetic, but remained tritely silent. Susan backed away from the fence. " It s gettin damp," she said ; " you ve got rheumatism anyway, so you don t care if you take cold, but I ain t very anxious to, n so I think we d ought to go in." 123 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR Mrs. Lathrop nodded, and turned to go. " I hope I have n t made you feel uneasy, Mrs. Lathrop," Susan said, as she also turned ; " you know me well enough to know as if I come to starvation it would never be nothin but a joy to me to see you starve with me." Mrs. Lathrop nodded. Susan nodded. And thus they parted for the night. 124 PART SECOND GRAN MA MULLINS S WOE IT was some days later a summer afternoon. The setting sun was bright ening the western sky, and Susan, with her bonnet on and her sun-shade leaning beside her, sat on Mrs. Lathrop s porch and discoursed in a fashion that partook alter nately of the lively and of the dejected. Mrs. Lathrop rocked calmly and listened yet more so. " Things is goin worse n worse," said the caller ; " I ve had to bring myself down to doin my own weedin , so as to save that ten cents a week I give Augustus, n Lord knows I d gladly put up anything for any body, but everybody in this town puts up themselves. I don t know how I will get 125 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR along if suthin don t turn up, n I can t see what can turn up with every one head over ears deep in the weddin s n young Doctor Brown settin the whole town mad over the crick. That s a very strange thing about the crick, Mrs. Lathrop, n it seems to be pretty generally admitted now that inside or out the crick s good for most any thing in anybody, but this new idea as it s a sure cure for asthma is just doin folks up alive. Young Doctor Brown says he s been investigatin under his own microscope, n he says there ain t a doubt but the crick polliwogs can eat up the asthma polliwogs as fast as you can shake em together in a bottle. He s goin to Meadville n shake em up for old Doctor Carter, n then he s goin to send to the city for a pint of typhoid fever n a half-pint of diphtheria n let em loose on that. Mr. Kimball asked him if he was positive which side was doin the swallowin n if he had the crick 126 ones wear a band on their left arms when they went into battle, but young Doctor Brown explained as there could n t be no mistake, for asthma has got four claws in its tail and the crick has horns all over. Mrs. Macy says, under them circumstances she shall make her tea with boiled rain-water hereafter, n she says she ain t sure as she s got enough faith left in the crick to even scrub with it." If I" _ said Mrs. Lathrop. " Gran ma Mullins is a good deal upset," said Susan ; " she don t like the notion of young Doctor Brown s bringin so much ty phoid and diphtheria into town just as Hi ram s goin to get married a tall. She says she s got enough to worry over about Hiram without that. She says she s feelin worse over him every day. She can t talk about it without chokin . She says she s got his rattle and his first sock pinned up by the clock, so every time she looks up at the 127 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR time she can see em n cry again. She says it ain t in reason as Lucy 11 ever under stand Hiram. She says Hiram s a very singular disposition, but if you always ask him to do what you don t want done n to never do what s got to be done right off he s one of the handiest men around the house as she ever see. She says he eats a lot of sugar n you must n t notice it, cause he always says as he never does ; and he most never goes to church, but you must n t tell him so, cause he says he goes regular, n she says as he likes to keep molasses candy in his pockets n under his pillow, n heaven knows, likin molasses candy ain t no crime, and yet she s almost sure Lucy s goin* to make his life miserable over it. She says her cup was full enough without no pint of diphtheria added, n I d n know as I ever see any one more downhearted. Mrs. Macy n me stayed and shook our heads with her for a while n then we went on to 128 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE Mrs. Allen s to look at Polly s weddin things. Every one in town is goin to look at Polly s weddin things, n you d really suppose as the deacon was any one in the world but the deacon to see how they ve fixed Polly up to marry him. Four of everythin n six o some. Only not a apron in the whole, the deacon wouldn t have it. He said right out as he wa n t marryin Polly to work her to skin n bone, and he knows how he wants his house kept n his cookin done, so he ll just keep on keepin n cookin as usual. He s fixed up a good deal ; the canary bird s got a brass hook after all these years o wooden-peggin , n he s bought one o them new style door mats made out o wire with c Welcome P. W. let into it in green marbles. { P. W. stands for f Polly White, n Mr. Kimball told Mr. Macy they had a awful time over sticking the marbles in n a awful time gettin the letters to suit. The deacon was 9 129 THE WOLF AT SUSAWS DOOR for <P. W. all along V Polly was for the deacon, but Mrs. Allen was for Polly s name, because Polly ain t married yet, n they got P. A. stuck in afore any one knowed how it d look, n then they tried to patch it up with a * W added n that seemed like it was a new way to say to be sure n wipe your feet. Mr. Kimball told Mrs. Macy he nigh to died laughin , n he did n t mind how he broke his nails pickin marbles in n out when he could have so much fun. So they settled for * P. W., n Mrs. Macy s more than a little bitter over it all, for she says the deacon 11 soon come to his senses n then it ll be too late to get that * P. W. off of his door-mat again. But the deacon ain t carin . He s friskin around like a colt, n they say he s got two new suits of clothes n a new hat for the goin away. He was always that way though I recolleck Mr. Kimball s sayin when Mrs. White died that the deacon had 130 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE been dyein his hair n bein patient for over fifteen years. "Well about them weddin things of Polly s ! Mrs. Allen took me upstairs n I saw em all. The weddin veil is looped along the lamberquin with a glove pinned to each curtain, the dress hangs on a frame between against the window shade, n the under things is folded on a table at one side with the stockin s tied together in a true lovers -knot. I must say they Ve done it all real tasty, with the deacon s picture in the middle leanin up against her shoes. It s a open question about the shoes still, cause if Polly wears any shoes a fall it only makes her that much more higher than the deacon, but Mrs. Allen says, seein as it s as it is, she hopes Polly 11 only think o how the higher her heels is the more room it ll give her train to spread. It s a very handsome train n they ve measured so s it Ml make the next set o parlor curtains at the Whites . THE WOLF AT SUSAN^S DOOR " I declare, Mrs. Lathrop, I can t tell you how all these weddin s n talkin s do blue me up ! To see every one spendin money n rne without any even to save. Mr. Dill asked me yesterday if I did n t want to take Gran ma Mullins to board for the honeymoon, an I suppose I could maybe do it, but oh my ! I can t say as I take to that idea much. I m fond o Gran ma Mullins, but these days Hiram is nothin but a bottomless pit when she gets at him, n a honeymoon is a long time to hear one person talk about one person. I can t say as I ever had any thin again Hiram except that time t he did n t catch Jathrop to lynch him, but all the same I ain t over fond o any one as goes around with their mouth half-open the year through. Mr. Kimball said once as Hiram Mullins was the best design for a penny bank as he ever saw, n Polly Allen says she s more n sorry for Lucy, cause no matter how hard 132 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE Lucy was to try, Polly says it stands to reason as she could n t get more n half a kiss at once. Mrs. Allen giggled, n we all did, too, cause the deacon carries his mouth so tight shut that it s a question if Polly ever gets a kiss a tall. " Mrs. Brown says Doctor Brown is gettin surer n surer about the crick. He s been paintin the cat with asthma n then washin him in crick water, n Mrs. Brown says he wa n t dead up to the time he run away anyhow." "That big " queried Mrs. Lathrop. " Yes, with the yellow eyes. He s been gone a week, but they don t care. Mrs. Brown says that cat was so everlastin ly around that he made her feel like she was married again, n she was glad to have him light out. She says he was so like a man it was awful, wantin to sit by the fire n think till you was dyin to empty the tea kettle over his head, n forever placidly 133 yawnin when you was turned a hundred ends at once. Mrs. Brown says Amelia s goin to give a wash-cloth shower for Polly and Lucy day after to-morrow. She says young Doctor Brown says if he comes out on top about that crick-cure for asthma Amelia can do anythin she pleases. He says this town 11 be a real cure then, n we ll see no end of money flow into us, she says he says we can all take boarders at fancy prices n serve em to the crick at a penny a glass. I don t know but what I might take a few quiet boarders myself that way. They d be quiet because they could n t be lively, n the asthma d choke em to where they could n t eat much." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop. " I could have Liza Em ly to help me, I presume. I could advertise n when they answered I could go in town n look at them and take my pick. I d want to be sure as they were quiet, n I d want to be 134 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE sure as they were sick I would n t take no chances at havin one o these merry-go- round summer families land on me, I know. Like as not there d be a boy, n you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, that while a boy may perhaps accidentally happen to be a comfort he s very much more likely just to be a boy." "Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop "! " "Yes, o course," said Susan, " n look where he come out! If Jathrop had been a girl how different everything would have been for him not to speak o the rest of us. You can t deny that, Mrs. Lathrop, n you can t deny either as Jathrop would have been better off himself if he d been any other thing as God ever made." " He " said the mother. " You thought so," said Susan, " but nobody else ever did. Mothers is always mothers n the best will in the world don t seem able to help em out o the scrape. 135 THE WOLF AT SUSANS DOOR There s Gran ma Mullins just cryin her eyes out these days over Hiram, n you d think Lucy was a sea-serpent and Hiram was chained to a rock to hear her go on. She says she s raised Hiram so careful to be a comfort to her all these years n she says he promised her when he was only two n a half years old that he d never smoke nor drink nor get married. She says she s trusted him all his life n this is the first time as he ever broke his word to her. She says all his little ways is just so sweet, but she feels sure Lucy won t never let him dip his bread in the platter- gravy n Hiram s so awful fond of plat ter-gravy. She says he likes to have the potato-smasher right by his place at the table n pound the meat to make more juice come out, n she says it s been nothin but a joy to her always to let him, cause his father died when he wa n t but eleven months old. But she says she just knows 136 GRANDMA MULLINS^S WOE Lucy 11 be death on Hiram s potato-smasher, V she says she most feels as if Lucy was goin to be death on Hiram, too. She says she can t look at Hiram these days without chokin over thinkin how Lucy s goin to look at him inside o three months. She says Hiram s a very tender nature, he can t be hurried awake mornin s, n if he wakes up in the night he has to have gingerbread n* whistle till he drops off to sleep again. She says no one as really loved Hiram would mind such little trifles as that, but she says she has her doubts as to Lucy s really lovin Hiram, n even if she does really love him now, she says it ain t no reason as she 11 keep on lovin him long. She says time alone 11 tell what the end 11 be, n she only hopes n prays that whatever Lucy does or does n t do, that she ll never forget as she was well n richly warned beforehand, for she says she went herself in streamin tears n begged her not to marry Hiram, an she s 137 THE WOLF AT SUSANS DOOR kept straight on till now she s almost done it." Susan ceased speaking and took up her parasol. "Are "remonstrated Mrs. Lathrop. " I must," said her neighbor ; " I m hungry n I want time to beat up some soda-biscuit. It s no use your askin me to stay to supper, because my heart is set on soda-biscuit n I like my own better than any one could ever like yours. I don t say that unkindly, Mrs. Lathrop, for I ain t got a unkind thing about me, n I could n t lay anything up against you even if I wanted to. Even when I get all at outs with you over your rockin I never lay it up against you we ve been friends too many years. If you can be happy rockin through life till some fine day you rock over backward into your coffin, all I can say is that it won t be my funeral, n bein as it will be yours, I shall be too busy that 138 GRANDMA MULLINS^S WOE day to fuss over ifs V ands. I m keepin* the board n saw-horses as father had for you, n the black bow from his door-bell, too, n after you re done with them I m intendin to give them to the first needy n deservin person as comes along in need of > em. Susan started down the steps. "But " protested Mrs. Lathrop. " Probably not," said her friend, " but you never can tell. Anyhow I m goin now. You don t appear to consider how valuable my time is, Mrs. Lathrop, but that s another thing as I don t lay up against you." For the next week Miss Clegg s financial difficulties rubbed on in much the same way. So did the wedding preparations of Polly Allen and Lucy Dill. Debts and dates are two things which are famous for movement, and in between her periods of 139 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR repose in her own house and of activity about town Susan seized every chance pos sible to impart the impending state of every one s affairs to her neighbor. "The blacksmith was up again last night," she said one sunny morning, when the need of hanging out her wash had brought her and Mrs. Lathrop within con versational distance ; " he wants to have his rent a little lowered so as he can bric-a-brac the side of the crick himself. He says there s stones enough to do it, only he must hire a man to help him. I told him I d consider it, n goin out in the dark he fell over the scraper. I declare I got a damage-suit chill right down my spine n I run out with a candle, n , thank heaven, he had n t broke nothin but the scraper. I Ve been wonderin if it would pay to sue him for that, but I don t believe I will, because folks has been fallin over it ever since father nailed it to the front o the 140 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE step so s to let his pet weasel go back n forth at the side. The weasel s been dead for ages, but the scraper s never been changed. I wish I could remember that weasel. Father loved him n mother hated him, she said she was always findin him asleep in her shoes and sleeves. I was speakin about it to Gran ma Mullins to-day n she said she remembered comin to tea at mother s once n their findin the weasel in the tea-pot. I guess that s the first time Gran ma Mullins has spoken of any livin soul but Hiram in six months. She s feelin worse than ever over Lucy s decidin to be married at home on account o the blue bengaline. She says that s a extra turn o the ice-cream-freezer handle as she never counted on havin to submit to. She says she naturally supposed if Hiram got married as she d sit in the front pew for once in her life, n see the bride s dress good, n hear the answers plain, n now 141 THE WOLF AT SUSANS DOOR instid her only child, as she s loved like a mother ever since he was born, is goin to be married in a parlor as private as if he was bein buried from the smallpox ! She says, oh dear, oh dear, seems like she never will be able to live down that mirror as she smashed with her head the first time she saw what she looked like. She says she wa n t more n nine months old n yet that mirror has tagged her right through life ever since. She says she missed all her school exami nations n did n t get the deacon n did get her husband, n as if that wa n t enough she must needs lose her husband, n she s had no choice but to be a widow ever since, n she s been sprained in all directions n been broke in all directions n her mince-meat most always ferments n Hiram s been her one bright spot n now he s got to get married in a parlor. She says the worst is as it would draw bread right out of a stone to see how 142 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE cheerful Hiram is these days, she says any one would suppose as Lucy Dill was goiri to surely make him happy to see how he goes smilin around. She says it s one of the most pathetikest sights as she ever see to watch Hiram markin* off the days on his calendar, n she cried when she told me. She says no one need n t tell her as there s any one else like Hiram, for she knows him well enough to know as it could n t possibly be true. And then she cried again. I tell you what, Mrs. Lathrop, I may be pretty well churned up over my money troubles, but I can assure you as I feel like a monkey jump- in through three rings at once beside Gran ma Mullins. Mrs. Macy says that when Hiram goes to see Lucy you can hear her sobbin way to the crick, Mrs. Macy says the first night she thought it was Mr. Jilkins comin into town with a hot wheel. I would n t be surprised myself 143 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR to see Gran ma Mullins drop dead when she hears Lucy get Hiram for better for worse. It s awful to see a mother suffer so. I don t see how Hiram stands it. If I was him *n she had a stroke at my wed ding I should call it a stroke o luck V nothin else. Not that I don t feel kindly disposed towards Gran ma Mullins, but I m pretty tired hearin her tale o woe. Other folks troubles is generally more interestin to other folks than they are to me, and be sides, if it really comes to talkin of troubles, nobody ain t got no more to talk about than I have myself. This money question is nippin me sharper in the calves every day, and when Mrs. Macy told me yester day as her steps was givin out I felt like sittin down on em when they done it. Lord knows, I d never be one to wave my flag from no post-hole in the thick of no flight, n you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, that as a general thing I keep a 144 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE stiff upper-cut through black and blue, but still if Mrs. Macy s steps really do break down I feel like I shall have no choice but to Jack-and-Jill it after em." "Maybe " suggested Mrs. Lathrop, hopefully. " Well, I ain t a-expectin it anyhow. I m expectin ruin, n I can hear it howlin and nosin around my house all night long. Somethin was swimmin in the cistern last night, too, if it made the other side safe I m all right, but if it drowned there 11 be another bill. It ain t no use your tryin* to cheer me up, Mrs. Lathrop, because I ain t to be cheered. I know I m goin to the poorhouse, n I don t thank you nor no other man for tellin me to my face as what I know ain t so. Gran rna Mullins n me is two very sad hearts these days, n Heaven help us both. To hear her talk you d think the Siamese twins was the sun and moon apart compared to her n 10 I45 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR Hiram, n now she s got to give him up to Lucy Dill. She says Lucy ain t old enough to appreciate Hiram ; she says Lucy 11 expect Hiram to be pleased, n Hiram ain t never pleased ; she says when Hiram keeps still n don t say nothin he s pleased, n when he goes to bed n to sleep right off he s real pleased. She says Lucy won t understand, n then there 11 be trouble. She says trouble is a awful thing to have, n she knows all about it cause she had it with her husband. She says the only good o havin trouble with your husband is the comfort you get out o talkin about it, n that when she thinks as Lucy 11 get her comfort out o talkin about Hiram she pretty nearly gets up and goes right out of her mind." Susan stopped suddenly ; she had been standing with her basket in her hand, in the attitude of one arrested for a moment s inquiry, throughout this conversation. 146 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE " Did you " said Mrs. Lathrop. "Yes, I did. It wasn t no great joy, pinched as I am, but I believe in doin what you can for people gettin married God help em n I give em each somethin . I give Lucy a very good pair of scissors as mother had, as always grabs me in the joint so I can t use em, n I give Polly our best carvin knife. They was both sharp things, so they each had to give me a cent to hold on to friendship. I know two cents ain t much, but it s better n nothin , n I may tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, as all my presents 11 be sharp right along from now on." Mrs. Lathrop raised her eyebrows to testify to the acute perception which had grasped her friend s point at once. "Are you " she asked presently. "Coin to the weddin s ? oh, yes. It may make me a little blue to look at Lucy, but it could n t but cheer anybody to 147 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR compare themselves with Gran ma Mullins. She says it s goin to half murder her, n she s made Hiram promise as he ll give her his first husband s kiss. Lucy s got the idea as she 11 have a weddin procession o Mr. Dill n her, an Hiram n his mother, down the stairs n in through the back parlor. Hiram don t want to, cause he s afraid his mother won t let go of him when the time comes. Hiram says he ain t lived through these last weeks o half stranglin without knowin what he s talkin about al! right, but Lucy s dead set on the procession. They re goin to try n keep Polly n the deacon a little back n out o sight, cause there s a many as thinks as half o Gran ma Mullins s tears is for the deacon, only she can t say so. Mrs. Allen says every one is talkin that idea, n Mrs. Sperrit says she hopes to Heaven as it ain t so, for how the deacon is to be kept a little back God only knows, for he s so happy these days that 148 GRANDMA MULLINS S WOE he s more than ever everlastin ly on tap. Mrs. Sperrit s been very kind ; she s goin to take Gran ma Mullins to the Dills , V she says she 11 take her home afterwards. Gran ma Mullins is goin to carry ammonia n* camphor, n* be sure an have the corks out of em both." " I wish " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Yes, I do, too," said her friend, heartily, " but I 11 come n tell you about them both right afterwards. I d n know as I was ever more curious in my life than I am to see how Lucy is going to claw Hiram free long enough to marry him. N I m interested in Polly s weddin , too. But there is no use deceivin you as to one thing, Mrs. Lathrop, n that is as what interests me the most of all, is what under the sun I m goin to do myself to get some money. I can t live on bread n water alone, n even if I could, the flour 11 soon give out if I bread it along steady for very 149 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR long. I ve got to get some money some how, n I ve about made up my mind as to what I 11 have to do. It makes me sick to think of it, cause I hate him so, but I guess I 11 have to come to it in the end. I 11 go to the weddin s, n then I 11 brace up n make the leap." Mrs. Lathrop looked perturbed even slightly anxious. " I m sorry not to be able to tell you all my plans," Miss Clegg continued, " but " She stopped suddenly a train-whistle had sounded afar. " My heavens alive ! if that ain t to-day s ten-o clock comin from Meadville, n me solemnly promised to be at Lucy s at half- past nine to help Mrs. Macy stone raisins ! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I would n t have believed it of you if I had n t been a eye witness! " PART THIRD LUCY DILL S WEDDING , Lucy has got Hiram!" There was such a strong in flection of triumphant joy in Miss Clegg s voice as she called the momen tous news to her friend that it would have been at once and most truthfully sur mised that the getting of Hiram had been a more than slight labor. Mrs. Lathrop was waiting by the fence, impatience written with a wandering reflec tion all over the serenity of her every-day expression. Susan only waited to lay aside her bonnet and mitts and then hastened to the fence herself. " Mrs. Lathrop, you never saw nor heard the like of this weddin day in all your own THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR days to be or to come, V I don t suppose there ever will be anything like it again, for Lucy Dill did n t cut no figger in her own weddin a /<z//, the whole thing was Gran ma Mullins first, last n forever here after. I tell you it looked once or twice as if it would n t be a earthly possibility to marry Hiram away from his mother, n now that it s all over people can t do any thing but say as after all Lucy ought to consider herself very lucky as things turned out, for if things had n t turned out as they did turn out I don t believe anything on earth could have unhooked that son, n I m willin to swear that anywhere to any one. "Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, that Gran ma Mullins was so bad off last night o as they had to put a mustard plaster onto her while Hiram went to see Lucy for the last time, n Mrs. Macy says as she never hear the beat o her memory, for she says 152 LUCY DILL S WEDDING she ll take her Bible oath as Gran ma Mul- lins told her what Hiram said n done every minute o his life while he was gone to see Lucy Dill. N she cried, too, n took on the whole time she was talkin n said Heaven help her, for nobody else could, n she just knowed Lucy d get tired o Hiram s story n he can t be happy a whole day without he tells it, n she s most sure Lucy won t like his singin * Marchin Through Georgia after the first month or two, n it s the only tune as Hiram has ever really took to. Mrs. Macy says she soon found she could n t do nothin to stem the tide except to drink tea n listen, so she drank an listened till Hiram come home about eleven. Oh, my, but she says they had the time then ! Gran ma Mullins let him in herself, n just as soon as he was in she bu st into floods of tears n would n t let him loose under no consid eration. She says Hiram managed to get 153 THE WOLF AT SUSANS DOOR his back to the wall for a brace cause Gran ma Mullins nigh to upset him every fresh time as Lucy come over her, n Mrs. Macy says she could n t but wonder what the end was goin to be when, toward mid night, Hiram just lost patience n dodged out under her arm n ran up the ladder to the roof-room n they could n t get him to come down again. She says when Gran ma Mullins realized as he would n t come down she most went mad over the notion of her only son s spendin the Christmas Eve to his own weddin sleepin on the floor o the attic n she wanted to poke the cot up to him, but Mrs. Macy says she drew the line at cot-pokin when the cot was all she d have to sleep on herself, n in the end they poked quilts up, n pillows, n doughnuts n cider n blankets, n Hiram made a very good bed on the floor n they all got to sleep about three o clock. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, what do you 154 LUCY DILL S WEDDING think? What do you think? They was so awful tired that none of em woke till Mrs. Sperrit come at eleven next day to take em to the weddin ! Mrs. Macy says she hopes she 11 be put forward all her back-slidin s if she ever gets such a start again. She says when she peeked out between the blinds n see Mrs. Sperrit s Sunday bonnet n realized her own state she nearly had a fit. Mrs. Sperrit had to come in n be explained to, n the worst of it was as Hiram could n t be woke no how. He d pulled the ladder up after him n put the lid on the hole so s to feel safe, n there he was snug as a bug in a rug n where no human bein could get at him. They hollered n banged doors n sharp ened the carvin knife an poured grease on the stove n did anything they could think of, but he never budged. Mrs. Macy says she ne^er was so close to beside herself in all her life before, for Gran ma Mullins cried ISS THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR worse n ever each minute, n Hiram seemed like the very dead could n t wake him. " They was all hoppin around half crazy when Mr. Sperrit come along on his way to the weddin n his wife run out n told him what was the matter n he come right in n looked up at the matter. It did n t take long for him to unsettle Hiram, Mrs. Macy says. He got a sulphur candle n tied it to a stick n h isted the lid with another stick, n in less n two minutes they could all hear Hiram sneezin an comin to. N Mrs. Macy says when they hollered what time it was she wishes the whole town might have been there to see Hiram Mul- lins come down to earth. Mr. Sperrit did n t hardly have time to get out o the way n he did n t give his mother no show for one single grab, he just bounced into his room n you could have heard him gettin dressed on the far side o the far bridge. 156 LUCY DILL S WEDDING " O course, us at Lucy s did n t know anythin a tall about Mrs. Macy s troubles. We had our own, Heaven help us, n they was enough, for the very first thing of all Mr. Dill caught his pocket on the corner of Mrs. Dill n come within a ace of pullin her off her easel. That would have been a pretty beginnin to Lucy s weddin day if her father had smashed her mother s glass to bits, I guess, but it could n t have made Lucy any worse ; for I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I never see no one in all my born life act foolisher than Lucy Dill this day. First she d laugh n then she d cry n then she d lose suthin as we d got to have to work with. N when it come to dressin her! well, if she d known as Hiram was sleepin a sleep as next to knowed no wakin she could n t have put on more things wrong side out an hind side before ! She was n t dressed till most every one was there n I was gettin pretty anxious, for Hiram was n t 157 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR there neither, n the more fidgety people got the more they caught their corners on Mrs. Dill. I just saved her from Mr. Kimball, n Amelia saw her goin as a re sult o Judge Fitch n hardly had time for a jump. The minister himself was beginnin to cough when, all of a sudden, some one cried as the Sperrits was there. " Well, we all squeezed to the window, n* such a sight you never saw. They was gettin Gran ma Mullins out n Hiram was tryin to keep her from runnin the color of his cravat all down his shirt while she was sobbin Hi-i-i-i-ram, Hi-i-i-i-i-ram , in a voice as would wring your very heart dry. They got her out n got her in an got her upstairs, n we all sat down n begin to get ready while Amelia played * Lead, Kindly Light and The Joyous Farmer alternate, cause she d mislaid her Weddin March. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you never knowed nothin like it ! we waited, we waited, 158 LUCY DILL S WEDDING V we waited, V the minister most coughed himself into consumption, n Mrs. Dill got caught on so often that Mr. Kimball told Ed to stand back of her n hold her to the easel every minute. Amelia was just begin ning over again for the seventeenth time when at last we heard em bumpin along downstairs. Seems as all the delay come from Lucy s idea o wantin to walk with her father n* have a weddin procession, instid o her n Hiram comin in together like Christians n lettin Mr. Dill hold Gran ma Mullins up anywhere. Polly says she never see such a time as they had of it ; she says fightin wolves was layin lambs beside the way they talked. Hiram said frank n open as the reason he did n t want to walk in with his mother was he was sure she would n t let him out to get married, but Lucy was dead set on the procession idea. So in the end they done it so, n Gran ma Mullins s sobs fairly shook the house as they 159 come through the dinin -room door. Lucy was first with her father n they both had their heads turned backward lookin at Hiram n his mother. "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, it was certainly a sight worth seein ! The way that Gran ma Mullinswas glued on! All I can say is as octopuses has got their backs turned in com parison to the way that Hiram seemed to be all wrapped up in her. It looked like wild horses, not to speak of Lucy Dill, would n t never be able to get him loose enough to marry him. The minister was scared ; we was all scared. I never see a worse situation to be in. " They come along through the back parlor, Lucy lookin back, Mr. Dill white as a sheet, n* Hiram walkin like a snow- plough as is n t sure how long it can keep on makin it. It seemed like a month as they was under way before they finally got stopped in front o the minister. N then 160 LUCY DILL S WEDDING come the time ! Hiram had to step beside Lucy V take her hand n he could n t ! We all just gasped. There was Hiram tryin to get loose n Mr. Dill tryin to help him. Gran ma Mullins s tears dripped till you could hear em, but she hung on to Hiram like he d paid for it. They worked like Trojan beavers, but as fast as they d get one side of him uncovered she d take a fresh wind-round. I tell you, we all just held our breath, n I bet Lucy was sorry she persisted in havin a procession when she see the perspiration runnin off her father n poor Hiram. " Finally Polly got frightened n begun to cry, n at that the deacon put his arm around her n give her a hug, an Gran ma Mullins looked up just in time to see the arm n the hug. It seemed like it was the last hay in the donkey, for she give a weak screech n went right over on Mr. Dill. She had such a grip on Hiram that if it 161 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR had n t been for Lucy he d have gone over, too, but Lucy just hung on herself that time, V Hiram was rescued without nothin worse than his hair mussed V one sleeve a little tore. Mr. Sperrit V Mr. Jilkins carried Gran ma Mullins into the dinin - room, n I said to just leave her fainted till after we d got Hiram well n truly married ; so they did. " I never see the minister rattle nothin through like that marriage-service. Every one was on whole papers of pins n needles, n the minute it was over every one just felt like sittin right straight down. " Mrs. Macy n me went up n watered Gran ma Mullins till we brought her to, n when she learned as it was all done she picked up wonderful n felt as hungry as any one, n come downstairs n kissed Lucy n caught a corner on Mrs. Dill just like she d never been no trouble to no one from first to last. I never see 162 such a sudden change in all my life; it was like some miracle had come out all over her V there was n t no one there as was n t rejoiced to death. " We all went out in the dinin -room n the sun shone in n every one laughed over nothin a tall. Mrs. Sperrit pinned Hiram up from inside so his tear did n t show, n Lucy n he set side by side n looked like no one was ever goin to ever be married again. Polly n the dea con set opposite n the minister n his wife n Mr. Dill n Gran ma Mullins made up the table. The rest stood around, n we was all as lively as words can tell. The cake was one o the handsomest as I ever see, two pigeons peckin a bell on top n Hiram n Lucy runnin around below in pink. There was a dime inside n a ring, an I got the dime, n they must have forgot to put in the ring for no one got it." 163 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR Susan paused and panted. "-It was " commented Mrs. Lathrop, thoughtfully. " Nice that I got the dime ? yes, I should say. There certainly was n t no one there as needed it worse, n , although I d never be one to call a dime a fortune, still it is a dime, n no one can t deny it the honor, no matter how they feel. But, Mrs. Lathrop, what you d ought to have seen was Hiram n Lucy ready to go off. I bet no one knows they re brides I bet no one knows what they are, you never saw the like in all your worst dreams. Hiram wore spectacles n carpet-slippers n that old umbrella as Mr. Shores keeps at the store to keep from bein stole, n Lucy wore clothes she d found in trunks n her hair in curl-papers, n her cold-cream gloves. They certainly was a sight, n Gran ma Mullins laughed as hard as any one over them. Mr. Sperrit drove em 164 LUCY DILUS WEDDING to the train, n Hiram says he s goin to spend two dollars a day right along till he comes back ; so I guess Lucy 11 have a good time for once in her life. N Gran ma Mullins walked back with me n not one word o Hiram did she speak. She was all Polly n the deacon. She said it wa n t in reason as Polly could imagine him with hair, n she said she was thinkin very seriously o givin her a piece o his hair as she s got, for a weddin present. She said Polly d never know what he was like the night he give her that hair. She said the moon was shinin n the frogs were croakin , n she kind o choked ; she says she can t smell a marsh to this day without seein the deacon givin her that piece of hair. I cheered her up all I could I told her anyhow he could n t give Polly a piece of his hair if he died for it. She smiled a weak smile n went on up to Mrs. Brown s. Mrs. Brown s asked her to 165 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR stay with her a day or two. Mrs. Brown has her faults, but nobody can t deny as she s got a good heart, in fact, some times I think Mrs. Brown s good heart is about the worst fault she s got. I ve knowed it lead her to do very foolish things time n again things as I thank my star I d never think o doin not in this world." Mrs. Lathrop shifted her elbows a little ; Susan withdrew at once from the fence. " I must go in," she said, " to-morrow is goin to be a more n full day. There s Polly s weddin n then in the evenin Mr. Weskin is comin up. You need n t look surprised, Mrs. Lathrop, because I ve thought the subject over up n down n hind end foremost n there aint nothin left for me to do. I can t sell nothin else n I ve got to have money, so I m goin to let go of one of those bonds as father 166 LUCY DILL S WEDDING left me. There ain t no way out of it ; I told Mr. Weskin I d expect him at sharp eight on sharp business, n he 11 come. N I must go as a consequence. Good night. " 167 PART FOURTH MR. JILKINS S HAT POLLY ALLEN S wedding took place the next day, and Mrs. Lathrop came out on her front piazza about half past five to wait for her share in the event. The sight of Mrs. Brown going by with her head bound up in a white cloth, ac companied by Gran ma Mullins with both hands similarly treated, was the first inkling the stay-at-home had that strange doings had been lately done. Susan came next and Susan was a sight ! Not only did her ears stand up with a size and conspicuousness never inherited from either her father or her mother, but also her right eye was completely closed and she walked lame. 168 MR. JILKINS S HAT " The Lord have mercy ! " cried Mrs. Lathrop, when the full force of her friend s affliction effected its complete entrance into her brain, "Why, Susan, what " "Mrs. Lathrop," said Miss Clegg, "all I can say is I come out better than the most of em, n if you could see Sam Duruy or Mr. Kimball or the minister you d know I spoke the truth. The dea con n Polly is both in bed n can t see how each other looks, n them as has a eye is goin* to tend them as can t see at all, an God help em all if young Dr. Brown an the mud run dry ! " with which pious ejaculation Susan painfully mounted the steps and sat down with exceeding gentle ness upon a chair. Mrs. Lathrop stared at her in dumb and wholly bewildered amazement. After a while Miss Clegg continued. " It was all the deacon s fault. Him n Polly was so dead set on bein fashionable 169 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR n bein a contrast to Hiram an Lucy, n I hope to-night as they lay there all puffed up as they 11 reflect on their folly n think a little on how the rest of us as did n t care rhyme or reason for folly is got no choice but to puff up, too. Mrs. Jilkins is awful mad ; she says Mr. Jilkins wanted to wear his straw hat anyhow, n she says she always has hated his silk hat cause it reminds her o* when she was young n foolish enough to be willin to go n marry into a family as was foolish enough to marry into Deacon White. Mrs. Jil kins is extra hot because she got one in the neck, but my own idea is as Polly Allen s weddin was the silliest doin s as I ever see from the beginnin , n the end wa n t no more than might o been ex pected all things considered. " When I got to the church, what do you think was the first thing as I see, Mrs. Lathrop ? Well, you d never guess till 170 MR. JILKINS S HAT kingdom come, so I may as well tell you. It was Ed n Sam Duruy n Henry Ward Beecher n Johnny standin there waitin to show us to our pews like we did n t know our own pews after sittin in em for all our life-times ! I just shook my head n walked to my pew, n there, if it was n t looped shut with a daisy-chain ! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I wish you could have been there to have felt for me, for I may remark as a cyclone is a caterpillar wove up in hisself beside my face when I see myself daisy-chained out o my own pew by Polly Allen. Ed was behind me n he whispered c That s reserved for the family. I give him one look n I will state, Mrs. Lathrop, as he wilted. It did n t take me long to break that daisy- chain n sit down in that pew, n I can assure you as no one asked me to get up again. Mrs. Jilkins s cousins from Mead- ville come n looked at me sittin there, 171 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR but I give them jus one look back n they went V sat with Mrs. Macy them selves. A good many other folks was as surprised as me over where they had to sit, but we soon had other surprises as took the taste o the first clean out o our mouths. "Just as Mrs. Davison begin to play the organ, Ed n Johnny come down with two clothes-lines wound round with clem atis n tied us all in where we sat. Then they went back n we all stayed still n could n t but wonder what under the sun was to be done to us next. But we did n t have long to wait, n I will say as anythin to beat Polly s ideas I never see no nor no one else neither. " Long down the aisle, two n two, n hand in hand, like they thought they was suthin pretty to look at, come Ed n Johnny n Henry Ward Beecher n Sam Duruy, n I vow n declare, Mrs. Lathrop, I never was so nigh to laughin in church in 172 MR. JILKINS S HAT all my life. They knowed they was funny, too, n their mouths n eyes was tight set sober, but some one in the back just had to giggle, n when we heard it we knew as things as was n t much any other day would use us up this day, sure. They stopped in front n lined up, two on a side, n then, for all the world like it was a machine-play, the little door opened n out come the minister n solemnly walked down to be tween them. I must say we was all more than a little disappointed at its only bein the minister, n he must have felt our feelin s, for he began to cough n clear up his throat n his little desk all at once. Then Mrs. Davison jerked out the loud stop n began to play for all she was worth, n the door behind banged n every one turned aroun to see. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, we saw, n I will in truth remark as such a sawin* we 11 never probably get a chance to do again ! Mrs. Sweet says they practised it over four 173 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR times at the church, so they can t deny as they meant it all, n you might lay me crossways n cut me into chipped beef n still I would declare as I would n t have the face to own to havin had any hand in plannin any such weddin . "First come Liza Em ly n Rachel Rebecca hand in hand carryin daisies of all things in the world to take to a weddin n then come Brunhilde Susan, with a daisy-chain around her neck n her belt stuck full o daisies n you can believe me or not, jus as you please, Mrs. Lathrop, n still it won t help matters any n a daisy stuck in every button down her back, n daisies tangled up in her hair, n a bunch o daisies under one arm. " Well, we was nigh to overcome by Brunhilde Susan, but we drawed some fresh breath n kept on lookin , n next come Polly n Mr. Allen. I will say for Mr. Allen as he seemed to feel the ridiculousness 174 MR. JILKINS" S HAT of it all, for a redder man I never see, nor one as looked more uncomfortable. He was daisied, too had three in his button hole ; but what took us all was the way him n Polly walked. I bet no people gettin married ever zigzagged like that before, n Mrs. Sweet says they practised it by countin two n then swingin out to one side, n then countin two n swingin out to the other she watched em out of her attic window down through the broke blind to the church. Well, all I can say is, that to my order o thinkin countin n swingin is a pretty frame o mind to get a husband in, but so it was, n we was all starin our eyes off to beat the band when the little door opened n , to crown everythin else, out come the deacon n Mr. Jilkins, each with a daisy n a silk hat, n I will remark, Mrs. Lathrop, as new-born kittens is blood- red murderers compared to how innocent that hat o Mr. Jilkins looked. Any one could 175 see as it was n t new, but he was n t new either as far as that goes, n that was what struck me in particular about the whole thing nothin n nobody was n t any different only for Polly s foolishness n the daisies. " Well, they sorted out n begun to get married, n us all sittin lookin on n no more guessin what was comin next than a ant looks for a mornin paper. The minister was gettin most through n the deacon was gettin out the ring, n we was lookin to get up n out pretty quick, when my heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, I never will forget that minute when Mr. Jilkins poor man, he s sufferin enough for it, Lord knows ! when Mr. Jilkins dropped his hat ! "That very next second him n Ed n Brunhilde Susan all hopped n yelled at once, n the next thing we see was the minister droppin his book n grabbin his arm n the deacon tryin madly to do hisself up in Polly s veil. We would a all been 176 MR. JILKINS S HAT plum petrified at such goings on any other day, only by that time the last one of us was feelin* to hop and grab n yell on his own account. Gran ma Mullins was tryin to slap herself with the seat cushion, n the way the daisies flew as folks went over n under that clematis rope was a caution. I got out as quick as I " " But what " interrupted Mrs. Lathrop, her eyes fairly marble-like in their redundant curiosity. " It was wasps !" said Susan. " It was a young wasps nest in Mr. Jilkins s hat. Seems they carried their hats to church in their hands cause Polly did n t want no red rings around em, n so he never suspected nothin till he dropped it. N oh, poor little Brunhilde Susan in them short skirts of hers she might as well have wore a bee hive ! I will in confidence remark as I got off easy, n you can look at me n figger on what them as got it hard has got on them. 177 Young Dr. Brown went right to work with mud n Polly s veil V plastered em over as fast as they could get into Mrs. Sweet s. Mrs. Sweet was mighty obligin n turned two flower-beds inside out n let every one scoop with her kitchen spoons, besides runnin aroun herself like she was a slave gettin paid. They took the deacon n Polly right to their own house. They can t see one another anyhow, n they was most all married anyway, so it did n t seem worth while to wait till the minister gets the use of his upper lip again." "Why " interrogated Mrs. Lathrop. " Young Dr. Brown wanted to," said Susan, " he wanted to fill my ears with mud, n my eye, too, but I did n t feel to have it done. You can t die o* wasps bills, n you can o young Dr. Brown s leastways when you ain t got no money to pay em, like I ain t got just at present." " It s " said Mrs. Lathrop. 178 MR. JILKINS S HAT "Yes," said Susan, "it struck me that way, too. This seems to be a very unlucky town. Anything as comes seems to catch us all in a bunch. The cow most lamed the whole community n the automobile most broke its back ; time 11 tell what 11 be the result o these wasps, but there won t be no church Sunday for one thing, I know. " N it ain t the least o my woes, Mrs. Lathrop, to think as I Ve got to sit n smile on Mr. Weskin to-night from between two such ears as is on me, for a rr\an is a man, n it can t be denied as a woman as is mainly ears ain t beguilin . Besides, I may in confidence state to you, Mrs. Lathrop, as the one as buzzed aroun my head wa n t really no wasp a tall in comparison to the one as got under my skirts." Mrs. Lathrop s eyes were full of sincere condolence ; she did not even imagine a smile as she gazed upon her afflicted friend. " I must go," said the latter, rising with 179 THE WOLF AT SUSAN S DOOR a groan, " seems like I never will reach the bottom o my troubles this year. I keep thinkin there s nothin left n then I get a wasp at each end at once. Well, I 11 come over when Mr. Weskin goes if I have strength." Then she limped home. It was about nine that night that she re turned and pounded vigorously on her friend s window-pane. Mrs. Lathrop woke from her rocker-nap, went to the window and opened it. Susan stood below and the moon illuminated her smile and her ears with its most silvery beams. " He s just gone ! " she announced. "Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop, rubbing her eyes. " He s gone ; I come over to tell you." "What " said Mrs. Lathrop. " I would n t care if my ears was as big as a elephant s now." 1 80 MR. JILKINS S HAT "Why " asked Mrs. Lathrop. " Mrs. Lathrop, you know as I took them bonds straight after father died n locked em up n I ain t never unlocked em since ? " Mrs. Lathrop assented with a single rapt nod. "Well, when I explained to Mr. Weskin as I d got to have money n how was the best way to sell a bond, he just looked at me, n what do you think he said what do you think he said, Mrs. Lathrop ? " Mrs. Lathrop hung far out over the window-sill her gaze was the gaze of the ever earnest and interested. Susan stood below. Her face was aglow with the joy of the affluent her very voice might have been for once entitled as silvery. "He said, Mrs. Lathrop, he said, f Miss Clegg, why don t you go down to the bank and cut your coupons ? 181 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN A VERY SUPERIOR MAN MISS CLEGG sat in Mrs. Lathrop s rocking-chair, on Mrs. Lathrop s kitchen stoop. Mrs. Lathrop sat at her friend s feet, picking over currants. If she picked over a great many she in tended making jelly ; if only a few, the result was to be a pie. Susan had on her bonnet and mitts and held her sun-umbrella firmly gripped be tween her two hands and her two knees. She looked weary and worn. " It seems kind o funny that I bothered to go, now that I come to think it over," she said, gazing meditatively down upon her friend and her friend s currant-picking ; " I wa n t no relation of Rufus Timmans, n although I don t deny as it s always a 185 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN pleasure to go to any one s funeral, still it s a long ways to Meadville, n the comin back was most awful, not to speak o havin no dinner nowhere. It never makes no one brisk but a horse to go without eatin , n I must in consequence say t I was really very sorry as Rufus was dead durin the last part of the drive ; but o course he was a very superior man, n as a consequence nobody wanted to have it said in after life as they wa n t to his buryin . So I went along with the rest, n Heaven help me now, for I never was more beat out in all my life. I was up awful early this mornin to be sure o not bein left, n I may in confidence remark as I Ve thought many times to-day as if I had been left I d of been a sight better off. Long rides is very frisky for them as is young n in love n likes to drive alternate, but for a woman o my age, bein wedged solid for sixteen miles at a time is most tryin ; n comin back some o them smart 186 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN Meadville boys had the fine idea o puttin walnuts under the seats, n we rode most of the way thinkin as they was our bones till Mr. Dill jus got up n whopped his cushion over to see if it d feel any different the other side, n I may state as the results I shall remember till I die." "Who " began Mrs. Lathrop. " Everybody ! " said Susan ; " I never knowed how superior Rufus was till I see how folks turned out for his funeral. Every minister n doctor in the whole vicinity was there. The Lumbs drove way up from Clightville, got overturned in the brook by the old knife factory, but come along just the same. Old Mr. n Mrs. Trum- bull started day before yesterday as soon as they knowed he was dead n ate with relations all the way along n got them to come too whenever they could. They was seven buggies n two democrats when they arrived at last. Mrs. Macy was waitin 187 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN for me in the square when I got there this mornin n she told me as a city reporter had come up to write a account of it n as Dr. Cogswell was goin to be there. They say as a live bishop wanted to make the prayer but Rufus was so advanced in his views it seemed better not to come out too strong over his dead body. Mrs. Macy said it all showed what a very su perior man he was. She says as she feels as maybe we did n t appreciate him enough. She says maybe we was prejudiced. Lord knows it s very hard not to be prejudiced agin* the folks you live among, n I guess any one as see Rufus mildly stumblin around losin pocket-handkerchiefs d of had a hard time regardin him as superior; but he was superior, n Mrs. Macy says he always was superior, for her aunt, old Mrs. Kitts, of Meadville, remembers when he was born, n Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Kitts always says as he was superior right from the start. 1 88 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN She says as Mrs. Kitts says as Rufus s father was really most a nuisance, talkin about his superiority even the very first week he was born. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Kitts says that his father said right off the day he was born, as to his order o thinkin Rufus was different from other babies right then V there. He told Mrs. Kitts hisself as he knowed folks was often fools over their first babies, n he did n t calcalate to act no such part, but in common honesty he must state as Rufus was way above the ordinary run, not because he was his baby, but just because it was the plain truth. Mrs. Kitts said she see Rufus herself when he wa n t but three days old, n she told Mrs. Macy as she must in truth confess as he looked then jus about as he always looked kind of too awful wise to have any sense a tall. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Kitts says the superior thing about Rufus them first days was the way as his mother 189 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN looked on him. Mrs. Kitts says Tabitha Timmans was a mos remarkable woman, straight up her back n all in n out in front one o them women as is most all teeth front teeth, n Mrs. Kitts said whenever she looked at Rufus she was all back teeth too. They had him in a clothes- basket to keep off draughts, with a quilt to pervent changes in the weather, n a mosquito-nettin for fear a fly might thaw out unexpectedly n get near him. Mrs. Kitts said Tabitha Timmans was just about wild over him ; she told Mrs. Kitts she felt it gallopin up n down her spine as how Rufus was surely goin to grow up to be a inspector or mebbe the president; she said any one could see he was in for bein suthin high up n sort o quiet n important. Tilda Ann, Sammy Timmans s aunt, was there too. Mrs. Kitts says she always liked Tilda Ann, what little she see of her, even if she was nt patient. Mrs. 190 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN Macy says Mrs. Kitts says Tilda Ann never had no real fault, only her never bein able to be patient. She says if Tilda Ann had only had a little patience it d of been a great deal better for her in the end, for if Tilda Ann d had a little more patience she d never have come scurryin home cross-lots that night in the fog n gone hickety-pickety over the well-curb, thinkin it was a stone wall. Mrs. Kitts says she never can help considerin what a shock Tilda Ann must have got when she realized as she was over, V so was everythin else." " My " said Mrs. Lathrop. C But she was alive then," continued Susan, " n she was there takin care o Tabitha n watchin over Rufus. Mrs. Kitts said it did n t take much to see as Tilda Ann had n t no particular admiration for Rufus ; she said right then n there, as to her order o thinkin, Tabitha d ought to teach him to quit suckin his thumb right 191 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN off, she said as it was a most terrible job when they got bigger. Mrs. Kitts said Tabitha said as not many babies was smart enough to suck their thumbs at Rufus s age, n then Tilda Ann said as not many mothers was fool enough to let em. Mrs. Kitts said Tilda Ann was never one to mince words. She always said jus what she thought, n that was a very bad thing for her too, for afore she died she d said jus what she thought to so many people that they had great difficulty gettin a party together to hunt for her that day as she turned up missin on a count of bein down in the well. " While we was talkin Mrs. Macy n me up Gran ma Mullins come n it turned out from her as we was all three expected to squeeze over to Meadville on Mr. Jilkins s back seat together. Mrs. Macy n me was far from pleased at that prospeck, n Gran ma Mullins didn t look 192 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN over rejoiced herself. There is them as can wedge, n them as can t, n we was all three the kind as can t. I ain t as wide as Mrs. Macy, nor yet the soft and squashy kind like Gran ma Mullins, but I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as bein overflowed around for sixteen miles, is to my order o thinkin full as tryin as to be overflowin aroun somebody else." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop, mildly. " No, you would n t either," said Susan, " I know you better n you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, for I know you asleep n awake, n you only know yourself awake ; not as asleep J n* awake is n t very much the same thing with you, Mrs. Lathrop ; but asleep or awake, the main fact is as I know most, so you can just keep still till I get done with what I m sayin ." Mrs. Lathrop kept still. " Well, after it was settled as, willy-nilly, we d got to back-seat it to Meadville to- 13 193 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN gether, Gran ma Mullins begin about what a very superior man Rufus was n what a very superior boy he used to be. Mrs. Macy did n t say nothin , cause it was easy to see as she d really took it a good deal to heart bein thirded for sixteen miles ; but Gran ma Mullins went right on with when she lived in Meadville n taught school that winter she was seventeen. She said as Rufus was in her middle class that winter n mos superior. He was nine n the oldest o nine, there bein two pairs o twins ; she said it looked like Tabitha n Sammy had took the Bible about replenishin the earth right on to their own shoulders. Gran ma Mullins said it was suthin to make any one content to teach school forever, only to look at em ; she said she should always think it was that as made all the men in Meadville so ready to go to the war n the women so calm over their gettin killed ; she said no one wanted to get married there, anyhow." 194 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN "But she " interposed Mrs. Lathrop, quickly. " Well, but she knew he had a bullet in him n the Roman fever n a pension," said Susan, " she knowed she was pretty safe I would n t blame her under them cir cumstances. But that s neither here nor anywhere else, Mrs. Lathrop, n what with your interruptin Lord knows when we will get around to Rufus, for I keep forgettin* he s dead n rememberin him alive, n no one as remembers Rufus Timmans alive could ever tell anything about him, n you know that as well as I do. Gran ma Mul- lins said herself to-day as he was a great problem to her in school, n she used to study him out of all comparison to the other children. Every one admitted as he was superior, n yet no one knowed jus why. She says he really was superior in lots o ways, n he whittled her a open-work ink stand once for a Christmas as she s used for 195 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN toothpicks ever since, but she says the in side o his ideas was surely most amazin . She says she had him for two years, n all she could say was as in all them two years she was mostly struck dumb by him. She says she used to go up n talk to Tabitha, n Tilda Ann used to come down n talk with her, but nothin ever seemed to come of it. Tilda Ann declared up n down as he was a fool through n through, n poor Tabitha was awful nervous for fear he d in vent somethin in bed some night as would surely blow the house up. Seems he was so ahead at ten years old that he wanted to study to be a chemist, n so behind that he spelt it f kemst, n him all of ten years old. " Gran ma Mullins said she used to be clean beside herself; he was the show-boy whenever the board came, n never got his lessons between times. She says she always knowed he d turn out some way y but Tilda 196 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN Ann never had no opinion of him a tall. Not as Tilda Ann s opinion mattered much, cause she climbed into the well just about then, n Rufus looked out a verse for her tombstone in the Bible. It was a very good motto for her too, it was, Well done, thou good n faithful servant ; it made a lot o talk, cause she really never was paid nothin , but the sentiment about the well was very pretty, n every one thought Tilda Ann herself would have liked it if she d stayed up n so had any say in the matter. " Gran ma Mullins went on to say as she got married soon after, so she run out of talk, an Mrs. Macy n me was so tired listenin to her anyway that we was all more n content jus to stand aroun n wait till the Jilkinses come drivin up. Then we all had to up n in somehow, n I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as wedgin Mrs. Macy an Gran ma Mullins was certainly a sight to see. They was for put- tin me in the middle, but I was flat for a 197 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN outside so s I could breathe, n in the end Mrs. Jilkins set between me n Gran ma Mullins, n Mrs. Macy set with Mr. Jilkins what of her did n t hang over outside." "What did " began Mrs. Lathrop. " There was n t no other way to get em both there that s why," said Susan; "there was them as went on the cars, but that was n t no great success, for they was so late that Rufus had his lid all on afore they got there, so they really had very little for their money. N besides, if we d all gone on the cars, how was we to get to the grave ? Rufus was well this side o Meadville, n the cemetery s some further this way, n whatever your views may be I hope you don t mind my sayin* right out as other folks views is always more sensible. You can t be expected to know much, Mrs. Lathrop, with your few church privileges n your parlor too small for the sewin society ; but if you was less inclined to talk n more inclined to 198 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN listen to me I may in confidence remark as you might learn about the funeral even if you never learned nothin else in this world." Mrs. Lathrop was again silent forthwith. " Drivin over we all talked about Rufus. We had really a very pleasant ride, for we was all disposed to view him kindly goin over. Mrs. Macy told over again what a superior baby he was, n Gran ma Mullins told over again what a superior boy he was, n Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said as he was the talk o the town when he was twenty-one. Gran ma Mullins did n t re member much about him then, cause she got married along about that time, n she s always said that them who gets married don t need nothin else to do for one while ; but Mrs. Macy said Rufus was one o the most superior young men as Mrs. Kitts ever see. She said as old Mr. Tilley took him right into the heart n soul o his drug-store 199 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN jus because his mother was his cousin, n even then the general feelin was as he was way above the business. Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said she d never forget goin in one day for some salts n rinding Rufus all alone. Why, she said she never had known he was so head n shoulders above other peo ple ! She says she s told the story a million times n it s still fresh in her mind. She said she asked for simple salts, n he begun right off about a comet. She felt awful un comfortable to have to say as she had n t seen no comet, n then it turned out no wonder, cause you could only see it from China an Maddygasgar. She said she was awful interested, n he was too, n in the end he was so interested that he found he had n t poured out o the salts bottle a tall. It was only just a chance as he remembered as it was salts she wanted, n she said he was so nice about it, went under the counter to find a cork to fit, n told her all about 200 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN how they get gumarabic while he was under there, n she was so deep in the subjeck that she never noticed, n he stuck a poison label on, n they both laughed over that fit to kill themselves. My goodness, Mrs. Macy said, but Mrs. Kitts said as he was a taking young man. In the end he wrote the name in Latin across the skull n cross- bones, n she only had to always remember as c Sally Simplex meant f simple salts from then on. " She went on to say as the biggest thing Rufus ever done long about then was to down their minister in a open conversation one night callin at Deacon Grummers. She told all about it, n seems as there was some talk afterwards about gettin up a subscription to send him to college, only it never come to nothin cause no one wanted to subscribe. Seems the minister was Luther Law, him as moved to Chicago afterwards n got burnt up or out I for- 201 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN get which in the fire. Seems he was to Deacon Grummel s one night, n him n Rufus got to discussin what we all come from. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Grummel said she never hear the like. She n her husband was jus all of a tremble. She said afterwards that if it d of been any other minister than Luther Law, Rufus would have had him sure. She said it was just like a lecture hall to hear, upon her honor. The minister begun by startin out for our all comin from Adam n Eve, but Rufus come out flat for our bein from monkeys. Well, Mrs. Grummel said she n her husband could n t do no more than feel their hearts beat at that. Rufus jus argued n kep on arguin till he made the minister admit as there was n t nothin 9 absolute agin monkeys, n then if that young man did n t go him one better n say as he believed in tadpoles himself. Luther Law was flat agin tadpoles, but 202 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN Rufus never let up till he got him to admit that if the Lord could make a man out of a monkey He could make him out of a tadpole, too. N then, when he d got him so far, what do you think, Mrs. Lathrop, what do you think! Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said as Mrs. Grummel said if that young man did n t look right square into Luther s face n say as to his order o thinkin it wasn t what we d come from as mattered so much as what we d develop into next. That s what I want to know, he said to Luther Law, runnin his hand into himself in that way as was so fashion able along bout then, * that s what / want to know, n I can t find no one as has a addykit answer for me. "Well, Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kitts said as up to her deathbed day Mrs. Grummel always said as that was the minute o her life. She said facin cannon would n t be nothin to the way she n the deacon felt 203 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN over seein the minister asked a thing like that right on top o their own tea! But, lor, you never could stick Luther Law. A minister wouldn t be able to be able to be a minister if little things like questions you can t answer could run him aground. He jus waited a minute n then he looked slow n sad, an lifted up his hand so, n pointed so, an* said, Young man, how can you ask such a question, with the starry heaven right on top of your head? "Well! Mrs. Grummel said it was like a flash o thunder splittin clean through the air. She said her husband never quit saying to his dying day as that was the smartest thing as Luther Law ever said, considerin* how little time he had to think, n it was the only thing in the wide world as he could of said, too. She said she told that story all over town, n no one could ever decide which was the smartest, Rufus or Luther Law; cause even if Luther Law did find a way out, it 204 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN was such a astonishin thing as he did that Rufus got a sight o credit out of comin as nigh to stickin him as he did. A good many people begun to say then as he was too superior for a small town; old Dr. Lumb said as to his order o thinkin he d ought to move near to some place where he d have professors to talk to. " Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kitts give her "to understand, though, as there was a nother side to Rufus even then, V it begun to crop out mighty young, too. Mrs. Kitts said she would n t mention it only in confidence, but Mr. Tilley, of the drug-store where Rufus was, told her as he d be only too glad to see Rufus move anywhere, whether it had professors to talk to or not. Mr. Tilley said his ideas was far too advanced for a small town. Mr. Tilley said he could n t find the easiest things after Rufus had got em labelled in Latin, n he said it was n t practical to classify no drug-store without a 205 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN rollin step-ladder anyhow. Then there came up the Kelly cat, n on account o* the Kellys havin money the Kelly cat come nigh to endin Rufus. I never hear about the Kelly cat afore, but seems as the Kelly cat was ailin n the Kellys took it to Rufus for catnip, n Rufus got to discoursin with Bessy on how if you re born under Venus with Mars gettin up you re bound to marry whoever you love, n he clean forgot what ailed the cat n tried to give her ipecac as if she was croupy instead o bein droopy. The cat knowed ipecac even if Rufus did n t, n she bounced out from between him n Bessy n bounced into the winder n busted the big bottle full o green. Rufus said it was a fit, n he got a hair-oil bottle as gives you a nickel nose of your own for nothin , n he put the nose on the ipecac n got the whole down the cat so far that she come nigh to swallowin the nose. Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kelly never felt to forgive 206 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN Rufus, n it set her deader n ever agin* him, but, lor, Bessy was too head over heels in love to care about cats or ipecac. She was as sure Rufus was superior as any one could be, n every one knowed what was up as well as she n Rufus did. Mrs. Macy said as every one said as a superior young man must marry money or he could n t in reason stay superior long, n Rufus was dead set on stayin superior, so they was married the next spring n moved to the city, n they did n t come back till it was plain as Mr. Kelly d have to support em or let Bessy starve on Rufus s superiority." Susan paused abruptly and sighed. Mrs. Lathrop said never a word. Presently the discourse flowed on again. " Well, there was n t really no wish to say nothin but good of Rufus, but it is a long drive to Meadville an we had to talk, n you know as well as I do, Mrs. Lathrop, as it s nigh to impossible to talk long of 207 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN people if you re only to say good of em. Rufus was there n dead to talk about, n while we naturally wished him well, still we was pretty tired before we got through drivin sixteen miles to bury him. Gran ma Mullins said finally as he was certainly a very superior man, but she knowed from her niece Hannah as he was trying to live with. She said Hannah lived with em for five years n looked after the children, n cheered Bessy up when she was nigh to wore out with bein married to Rufus. Hannah never had no use for Rufus Timmans herself, she was awful fond o Bessy n the boys, but she drawed the line at Rufus, n Gran ma Mullins says she never minced matters neither. Gran ma Mullins says as Hannah used to walk right in on Rufus n let fly whenever she felt as the salvation of her soul called on her to speak or bu st. She said Hannah said what she could n t stand was the way the general public seemed 208 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN to coincide with Rufus s opinion of himself. Hannah used to say as the general run o* folks did n t have to live with Rufus Tim- mans an she did, n she furthermore used to say if the general run o folks had had to live with Rufus Timmans they would n t o viewed him from no fancy standpoint no more n she did herself. Hannah used to say as day in n day out was a terrible lettin in o light on dark spots, n for her part she had n t got no use for a man as had the whole o the inside o the earth by heart n was n t one earthly bit o good on the outside of it. Hannah said as all she could say was as she wisht as some o them as admired his superior understandin could just be in her place one while. Gran ma Mullins said as there was one time as Hannah never got over, n that was the cistern, she said as Hannah always got mad whenever she told it, n she told it so often, her face stayed always red in X 4 209 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN the end, jus from tellin that story so often. " Seems as Rufus thought mebbe there was a dead rat in the cistern, so he had the cistern cleaned out, V the drouth came on, n Monday come on top o the drouth, n Hannah pumped her arms most off afore she realized as there wa n t no water a ///, n then she was that mad as she walked right in on Rufus n give it to him. " Gran ma Mullins said Hannah said it made her mad only to look at him ; he was sittin in the little shady parlor, jus* softly rockin back n forth, readin a book as told why the Dead Sea s dead. Well, Hannah said no words could tell how much madder she got when she got right in front o him to see a able-bodied man rockin n readin Dead Seas on top of a empty cistern. Hannah was never one to keep her own counsel in the face of her own feelin s, you know, n she jus went right up in front of 210 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN Rufus V said as calm as she could, c Mr. Timmans, where s the water for the wash to come from ? Gran ma Mullins said Hannah always said as she tried to stay calm but she give out young, n the sight o Rufus liftin his superior eyes jus did for her. She put her two hands on her two hips, an let out right then n* there, c Mr. Timmans, she says, f you was so sure t there was a rat drowned in the cistern, she says, that nothin mus do but you mus clean it out, she says ; * n there wa n t no rat, she says, f n it ain t rained since, she says, c n how re we to wash ? she says, n then she waited to see what he would say, n she said a lamb would o begun to hop about n yowl with mad to see how kind of calm n dazed like n altogether peaceful n happy he looked up at her. N he says, quite placid n contented, Can t you get some water out o* the pond ? he says. f Out o the pond ! says Hannah, high- 211 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN keyed like, Gran ma Mullins says Han nah always went high-keyed easy, { out o that muddy, swampy, slimy, marshy, cow- churned pond, says Hannah, f out o that nasty, dirty, filthy, green pond, says Han nah, gettin high-keyeder n high-keyeder. I can get it clean for you, says Rufus, a- openin the Dead Sea n runnin his eyes aroun for his place, jus say when you want it, he says. Well, Gran ma Mullins said Hannah always said as she never knowed what kept her off him at that min ute, for she was that mad she felt like the righteous judgment o the Lord was in the ends of her very finger-nails. f Now y she says, c right now, she says ; t that s when I want it, she says. Rufus looked up n see she was in earnest, n she says the way he sighed like he was a martyr as led the band was enough to have ended her patience once n for all time if it had n t been for the wash, n then he carefully turned a leaf down in 212 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN the Dead Sea n got out o the rocker n went V got Nathan Lumb n they went off together. " Well, Gran ma Mullins said Hannah begun to wait, n Hannah waited until if Hannah had waited any longer she d have gone off like a rocket, she was that mad again. Gran ma Mullins said Hannah al ways got so red she got purple if she only was rememberin it after. N in the end she could n t stand it no longer n she set off for the pond herself. She always said as she just hoped n prayed as they was both on em drowned all the way there, but the Lord in his mercy was n t seein fit to deal out no such luck, n she found the pond there an Rufus n Nathan gone. " N what do you suppose she see, Mrs. Lathrop ; what do you suppose she see ? You never heard the like, n the whole wagon of us could n t but feel as it was maybe just as well as we was on our way to 213 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN Rufus s funeral, for we never could have faced him in real life after hearin such a tale. " Seems there was the pond V there was the edge o the pond, n there was two barrels as Rufus n Nathan had set close to the edge. One o the barrels was empty n one was full o dirty swamp-water, n Rufus s superior mind had hung a old piece o car pet from one barrel over into the other so it could suck up dirty water n drip off clean, n mebbe if the sun did n t shine too hard Hannah d have a pail o clean water come Hallowe en. N the wash waitin ! " Mr. Jilkins said as that was jus what might o been expected o Rufus. He d like to observe the theery n he would n t care about the wash. Gran ma Mullins said it did the business for Hannah, though. She never could make up her mind to take Dr. Lumb before on a count o his swearin so, but she made up her mind as anythin as d rid her o Rufus n give her a chance 214 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN to boss Nathan d fill her bill after that, n she went up that very night n told Dr. Lumb, as if he still wanted her, she was prepared to be took. He wanted her n he took her, n she was to the funeral to day with Nathan n his two boys, all of em brushed so slick you could see with half a eye as Hannah had got a deal o satisfaction out o them all these years since. " She come over to sit beside Gran ma Mullins n talked a little while. She said Bessy Timmans was bearin Rufus s loss mos bravely, n her daughter Betty was come home n brought the baby to comfort her. Hannah said as Betty was a very sweet young woman. She said she never forgot the day when she was only four years old, n asked right out why the family had to be so proud o Rufus. Hannah said her mother shut her up quick, but it was plain to be seen as that child had eyes for them 215 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN as could hear, V was pretty quick at sizin* up Rufus. " It was a awful big funeral. Folks was there from all over. I drove out to the graveyard with old Dr. Lumb V Dr. Cogswell from the city. The other one was Susy Carter, n she s so deaf all I could do was to listen to the front seat. Dr. Cogs well said as it was a great pity that a superior man like Rufus Timmans should have had to live his life out on highways n edges by circumstances probably beyond his control. Dr. Lumb said yes, a small community like Meadville couldn t never offer nothin like a addykit scope to a brain like Rufus s. He said he was surprised as Rufus s brain had managed to scratch along as well as it had under the circumstances. He said, with the exception of himself Rufus had never had no one to really talk to. He said, to be frank, he would in con fidence remark to Dr. Cogswell as Bessy 216 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN Timmans was a very inferior person an no ways up to Rufus. He said as he should n t be personally surprised to know as her feelin s towards Rufus partook more of a element of impatience than of admiration. He said as one night when he was there he was most dumbfounded to see how little attention she paid with Rufus discoursin* on trilobites n their relations to the cursory strata. Dr. Cogswell sighed n said he was afraid he d have to admit as he feared that was mebbe only too likely to be true. He said he felt a sadness because every trilobite as was related by Rufus was of profound value to any scientific student. He said Rufus was one at whose feet them as is learned could easy sit and learn some more. He said Rufus ought to o gotten out in the world thirty years ago, but then he sighed again, n said probably circumstances as no one knowed nothing of probably chained him here. It was easy to see as Dr. Lumb had a awful 217 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN high opinion o Rufus, but that d be only natural, him bein* married to Hannah as was so dead set agin him, n he shook his head then n said as he believed as Dr. Cogswell had guessed pretty nigh to the truth. He said he knowed as Bessy was born in Mead- ville, n as her property was there n he said his own opinion was that with the short sightedness common to her sex she had chained the eagle so as she might stay among her little circle o petty friendships, n so the noble bird had worn his soul away in captivity, so to speak. " Dr. Cogswell said Ah ! n then they both shook their heads together n sighed together. " Hannah did n t go out to the grave. She stayed with Bessy. She took me into the pantry afore we left n said as the spirit o relief hoverin in the house was beyond all belief. She said Betty was goin to take her mother home with her when she went. 218 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN She said Betty said as she could come back to Meadville whenever she liked, but she said as Bessy said she d never want to come back. Hannah says Bessy told her as all she asked was to live out her days some place where she d never have to hear again what a very superior man Rufus was. " I stood aroun an talked with a lot more folks. The general feelin was as it was a great honor to be buryin Rufus, but nobody knowed just why. I thought about it comin home a-jouncin* along over them walnuts. (My, but they was hard!) The truth seems to be as there s some folks born to be superior n to know as they re su perior, n other folks born to admire em, n neither set sees jus why." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Well, as long as you say so I may as well admit as I was thinkin that very thing myself," said Susan ; " but far be it from me 219 A VERY SUPERIOR MAN to have said such a thing myself of myself, Mrs. Lathrop but as long as you say it I can t but remark as no one in their senses could deny its bein true o me." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Oh, that s your misfortune," said Miss Clegg, graciously ; " there ain t no need of apologizin to a old friend like me. N anyway, Mrs. Lathrop, I guess nobody could n t tell me nothin about your infe riorities not after livin next to you all the years as I have ; but you know me, n you know as nothin ever changes my feelin s towards a friend not even towards such a friend as you, Mrs. Lathrop." Mrs. Lathrop was silent. 220 A New Story by the Creator of "Susan Clegg" THE REJUVENATION OF AUNT MARY By ANNE WARNER Author of " Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. LathropJ "A Woman s Will ," etc. Illustrated. 12mo. Cloth. $1.50 Always amusing and ends in a burst of sunshine. Phil adelphia Ledger. Impossible to read without laughing. A sparkling, hilarious tale. Chicago Record-Herald. The love story is as wholesome and satisfactory as the fun. In its class this book must be accorded the first place. Baltimore Sun. The humor is simply delicious. Albany Times-Union. Every one that remembers Susan Clegg will wish also to make the acquaintance of Aunt Mary. Her "imperious will and impervious eardrums " furnish matter for uproar ious merriment. ... A book to drive away the blues and make one well content with the worst weather. Pittsburg Gazette. Cheerful, crisp, and bright. The comedy is sweetened by a satisfying love tale. Boston Herald. LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., PUBLISHERS 254 WASHINGTON STREET, BOSTOK A Masterpiece of Native Humor SUSAN CLEGG AND HER FRIEND MRS. LATHROP By ANNE WARNER Author of " A Woman s Will," etc. With Frontispiece. 227 pages. 12mo. $1.00. IT is seldom a book so full of delightful humor comes before the reader. Anne Warner takes her place in the circle of American woman humorists, who have achieved distinction so rapidly within recent years. Brooklyn Eagle. Nothing better in the new homely philosophy style of fiction has been written. San Francisco Bulletin. Anne Warner has given us the rare delight of a book that is extremely funny. Hearty laughter is in store for every reader. Philadelphia Public Ledger. Susan is a positive contribution to the American char acters in fiction. Brooklyn Times. Susan Clegg is a living creature, quite as amusing and even more plausible than Mrs. Wiggs. Susan s human weaknesses are endearing, and we find ourselves in sym pathy with her. New York Evening Post. No more original or quaint person than she has ever lived in fiction. Newark Advertiser. LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., PUBLISHED, BOSTON At all Booksellers An International Love Comedy A WOMAN S WILL By ANNE WARNER Author of " Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop." IT is a relief to take up a volume so absolutely free from stressfulness. The love-making is passionate, the humor of much of the conversation is thoroughly delightful. The book is as refreshing a bit of fiction as one often finds ; there is not a dull page in it. Providence Journal. It is bright, charming, and intense as it describes the wooing of a young American widow on the European Continent by a German musical genius. San Francisco Chronicle. A deliciously funny book. Chicago Tribune. There is a laugh on nearly every page. New York Times. Most decidedly an unusual story. The dialogue is nothing if not original, and the characters are very unique. There is something striking on every page of the book. Newark Advertiser. A more vivacious light novel could not be found. Chicago Record- Herald. Illustrated by I. H. Caliga. 360 pages. 12mo. Decorated cloth, $1.50. LITTLE, BROWN, fcf CO., PUBLISHERS, BOSTON At all Booksellers A Vigorous Tale of a Nevada Mining Camp THE SAGE BRUSH PARSON By A. B. WARD 390 pages. 12rao. Decorated Cloth. $1.50 Full of vigorous and vivid pictures. An exceptionally readable and effective story. There is more strong and good dramatic substance to it than to any story that we have read in a long while. New York Sun. The story is powerfully told, with strong, vigorous touches filled with the atmosphere of the wild, free West, and so alive and vital that it carries conviction. Phila delphia Telegraph. Characteristic Western humor and yet more character istic Western pathos are plentiful in the tale. The at mosphere is true to the life and the hero is a sincere portrayal. Chicago Tribune. A good, breezy story of Western life. A. B. Ward shows rare familiarity with the prairie regions of Nevada and the people who inhabit them. St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Whoever wants a " rattling " good story of mining life, color, and customs, faithful to fact and strenuous action, with strong and forceful character sketching, with a close and appreciative understanding of the phases of life in the gulches twenty-five years ago, will find all these. Brooklyn Standard-Union. LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., PUBLISHERS 254 WASHINGTON STREET, BOSTON University of California SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90024-1388 Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY A 000 676 342 9