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 • • •• • • • •• •••••• • 
 
 JOHN E. BOYD. 
 
THE 
 
 Berkeley * Heroine 
 
 AND OTHER STORIES 
 
 .^BOYD 
 
 Tlie Boss Bag-grsigre B-u-ster 
 
 of IBea.-a.tif-u.l E!ej:l5:e!l,e37; 
 
 IJERKET.EV, CAL. 
 
 PUBWSHED BY THE BERKRLKY PRINTING CoMPANV 
 ODD I'KLLOWS' BtJlLDINO 
 
Entered accordiug to Act of Congrob. , (Conloderate) in the year 
 One Thousand, Eight Hundred and Go-to-bed. 
 
PREFACE 
 
 OVERY book has a preface, my publisher 
 ^^ tells me, and when 1 inquired wha( a 
 preface was, he told me it was a printed 
 page in front of the book that nobody 
 reads, but generally gives some hint how 
 and why the book came to be written. 
 The only reasons I can give for writing this 
 volume were, I had plenty of spare time, 
 and that one of my officers on the Sumpter 
 wrote to me that the story of the capture 
 of the "Sultana" should be told in print, 
 and every word as I have told it is true. I 
 may say that all of the story of "How 
 we Fooled the Schoolmaster," is also true 
 and was an episode of my boyhood days. 
 The tale of " A Berkeley Heroine" is also 
 — that is, readers can believe it if they 
 want to without extra charge. But if they 
 get two truthful stories out of three they 
 *' should have no kick coming" against 
 
 JOHN E. BOYD 
 
 .1 7l^zlr";i 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 
 in 2007 with funding from 
 
 IVIicrosoft Corporation 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/berkeleyheroineoOOboydrich 
 
r^? 
 
 The Berkeley IDeroirie. 
 
 "You will have to take your lunch to 
 school to-morrow, Alice," said Mrs. Foster 
 to her daughter, a bright young miss of 
 sweet sixteen, who her teacher said was the 
 brightest scholar in the Kellogg school; 
 "You will take your lunch as your father is 
 going to take your grandma and me over to 
 see the landing and reception of the Califor- 
 nia volunteers who have just returned from 
 Manila. It will be a grand sight, and your 
 father has secured seats for us on Market 
 street which a friend of his has kindly placed 
 at his disposal. We have seats at a second- 
 story window. You know your cousin Ed- 
 ward is a lieutenant now in the regiment in 
 which he enlisted as a private, and which 
 promotion he gained by strict attention to 
 his duties and to his soldierly conduct. Ah ! 
 'twill be a proud day for his mother, whom 
 he parted with in tears about a year ago, to 
 see him return wearing an officer's uniform 
 and sword— in fact, returning a hero." And 
 Mrs. Foster thought of her own darling boy 
 who, had he lived, might have followed "Old 
 Glory'' to the far-away Philippines and re- 
 turned a heroa " Yes," replied Alice, '' boys 
 
dan become /heroes, and get all the praise 
 and have all the glory, while we poor girls 
 can never achieve greatness or do any heroic 
 deed. Oh dear, some times I wish I was a 
 boy. No, I don't either," said she, blushing. 
 ^^ but— but"— 
 
 " Nonsense," said Mrs. Foster, ''you are 
 entirely wrong Alice. Think how many 
 women have made a name for themselves 
 throughout the civilized world by their wo- 
 manly conduct or heroic actions. Remem- 
 ber the mother of Washington; remember 
 Grace Darling ; think of brave Florence 
 Nightingale and scores of other noble wo- 
 men who have made heroines of themselves 
 by their noble deeds. Think of that noble 
 woman, Mrs. Hearst, who has come to reside 
 in Berkeley. Pause and reflect on the im- 
 mense amount of good she is doing to our 
 grand University, and see the helping hand 
 which she holds outstretched to the students 
 of both sexes. 
 
 "Remember, Alice, that when the names of 
 the present generation shall be forgotten the 
 names I have mentioned will be revered by 
 thousands. Think you that the name of 
 Phebe Hearst will not be remembered with 
 gratitude by thousands yet unborn ? ^ Think 
 by what a noble, yet simple deed, the name 
 of Barbara Frietchie has been told in 
 song and story. **Yes," said Alice, ** but 
 there is no hopes of my ever gaining a great 
 name or becoming a heroine. In the first 
 place, I haven't got the wealth to follow the 
 
noble actions of the lady you last named. 
 Then, let me see, Grace Darling saved some 
 men from drowning-, didn't she ? Well, the 
 first time any body falls into Strawberry 
 Creek I am going to rush out and save them; 
 providing there is not over two inches of 
 water in the bed of the creek ; and then, 
 hurr ih ! I'll get my name in the Berkeley and 
 San Francisco papers, and perhaps some 
 city reporter will come over and say, *' Mrs. 
 Foster, would you be kind enough to lend 
 us a photo of your daughter who so heroi- 
 cally saved those persons from drowning 
 the other day ? We want it to use in the 
 Sunday edition of the San Francisco How- 
 ler\ and gay-hearted Alice gave the house 
 cat, who was sleeping on the lounge, a sly 
 pinch on one of her ears, and then petted 
 poor kitty and inquired what troubled her. 
 The household was astir at sunrise and an 
 early breakfast was prepared and eaten, as 
 Mrs. Foster was determined to get a start to 
 avoid the rush, which in all probability would 
 take place on both ferry-boat and street-car 
 on that day. Breakfast over, a light lunch 
 was put up for Alice to enjoy at the noon 
 hour, and as soon as grandma (who took a 
 long time to dress) was ready, Mr. and Mrs. 
 Foster, accompanied by grandma and Alice, 
 took their seats in the carriage, which on ac- 
 count of grandma's infirmities had been en- 
 gaged to convey them to Berkeley station, 
 where Alice was to leave them and proceed 
 to school. 
 
8 
 
 After kissing ma and grandma good-bye, 
 and receiving instructions as to where the 
 kitchen door key had been hidden, and told 
 to go in and help herself to the eatables in 
 the pantry if she felt hungry, and receiving 
 a "good-bye" kiss from her father, the latter 
 said, "Alice I w^ish to warn you not to go 
 near or handle my shot-gun which I loaded 
 a few days ago to shoot those cats that have 
 been troubling our chickens. It stands in 
 the closet off the washroom and is loaded 
 with coarse birdshot ; and although it may 
 not kill, it would severely wound any one 
 who stood in front of it, or at least make 
 them think that a whole hive of bees had 
 stung them. So be careful darling and don't 
 trouble it. We shall be hom.e on the ^ve. 
 o'clock train if possible; not later than 5:30 
 at the latest. So good bye, and as they used 
 to say when I was a youngster: 
 
 Go to school, go to school, 
 
 And tell the teacher you're a fool. 
 
 "But no," said Mr. Fostrr, gazing affec- 
 tionately at his pet, "papa is wrong to call 
 you such names. You are the bonniest lass, 
 as the Scotch say, in Berkeley. "Yes,'' said 
 Mrs. Foster, smiling, "and she wants to be p. 
 heroine; to make a name for herself in the 
 world," and she gave a ludicrous account of 
 Alice's remark on the preceding evening and 
 added: 
 
 "Why, what do you suppose papa? Alice 
 actually wished she were a boy and could 
 
9 
 
 ^o and fight the Philippines." "Oh no," said 
 Alice, blushing furiously, "1 only said I wished 
 to make a name in the world; to gain name 
 and fame by some heroic action." ''Well," 
 said Mr. Foster, ''one more sweet kiss from 
 my darling, then go to school and imagine 
 that you have captured Aguinaldo single- 
 handed, and received the thanks of the U.S. 
 government and also the plaudits of the 
 whole Yankee nation for your heroic action. 
 But, good-bye dear, here comes our train." 
 And waving adieu to Alice, the party boarded 
 the Berkeley train 
 
 Mr. Foster was a merchant doing business 
 in the city, but making his home in beautiful 
 Berkeley. He had built himself a home near 
 the State University where he resided with 
 his wife and daughter Alice who, as the only 
 child, was the pet of the family. The only 
 other occupant of the house besides the 
 Chinese servant, was Grandma Farquhar, 
 who was proud of her descent from the Farqu- 
 har family of Georgia, whose broad plantation 
 and countless slaves, situated in the upper 
 part of the State, had been her childhood's 
 home; and she often entertained and amused 
 Alice and her schoolmates with tales of 
 ''slavery days" and incidents of the war of 
 the Rebellion and the sig-hts she had wit- 
 ncssed during that eventful period. 
 
 The day at school passed off without any 
 unusual event, although Alice made some 
 blunder in her Latin which caused a look of 
 surprise on Professor James' face, as usually 
 
lO 
 
 she was letter-perfect in her studies. But 
 to-day her thoughts were with her parents 
 across San Francisco bay, and AHce felt le- 
 lieved when school closed. 
 
 School was dismissed and Alice walked 
 along toward home accompanied by some of 
 her schoolmates whose homes lay in the 
 same direction. Slowly they sauntered along, 
 gayly discussing the events of the day and 
 the merits and demerits of Professor Water- 
 man, Mr. James, Miss Edmonds and Miss 
 McClean. 
 
 When she parted from her companions 
 Alice took a short cut through the Univer- 
 sity grounds as the nearest way home As 
 she slowly walked along thinking over th-:; 
 events of the day she was surprised to see 
 two rough-looking, ill-clad men smoking 
 short clay pipes and reclining at the foot of 
 an old oak tree. Alice was somewhat star- 
 tled and was about to retrace her steps 
 when her attention was arrested by hearing 
 one of the men say, "I tell you it's a safe 
 job, the hull of the family is gone to «he ciiy- 
 to see the big parade and there's a host of 
 silverware in the china closet. I peeked 
 through the winder this mornin' when they 
 was eatin' breckfus and seed it all glistenin'. 
 I tell yer we can "crack the crib" as easy 
 as I can light this pip". I'll bet there's two 
 or threr hundred dollars' worth of silver- 
 ware and it'll make us rich Dun no but 
 what I'll take a trip to Yurop when I get it 
 in old Jerry's meltin' pot, and bid farewell ot 
 
1 1 
 
 the Barbary Coast and wipe my weepin' 
 eyes, as the Salvation Army sings. Come 
 let's make a break, or old man Foster will 
 be comin' home with the woman and kid, 
 and then there'll be no chance to handle all 
 the purty silver jimcracks. Come, shake a 
 leg and let's travel." 
 
 Alice stood petrified. All the ruffians' talk 
 indicated their intention to rob her father's 
 home. What could she do to prevent it ? 
 There was no near neighbors to call on for 
 assistance, and to run down to Shattuck 
 avenue and obtain help would be useless; be- 
 sides, she was afraid to stir lest the ruffians 
 should overhear her. The group of bushes 
 behind which she stood effectually concealed 
 her from the sight of the tramps, and fear 
 kept her quiet. 
 
 •*I say, Mose," said the elder of the two 
 villians, "you jest run over to the house and 
 ring the front door bell and make sure there 
 is nobody at home. If anybody comes to 
 the door give them a song and dance about 
 wood to saw, or garden to spade. If nobody 
 comes to the door, hoof it round to the 
 winder and take a peep in, I'll stay here 
 and if I see anybody coming I'll whistle." 
 ''All hunky," said the one called Mose, "I'll 
 be back in a jiffy;" and away the younger 
 robber started, while his companion in crime 
 lazily reclined on the bank smoking, the 
 fumes of which was anything but pleasant to 
 the nostrils of poor Alice who stood motion- 
 less, not daring to move. 
 
In a few moments the vounger ruffian re- 
 turned and with an oath declared that the 
 coast was clear and "ail quiet on the Poto- 
 mac. 
 
 His partner then inquired regardinp- the 
 wmdow fastenings, and on receiving an an- 
 swer said, -Well, come ahead then. I want to 
 handle some of that purty silverware I seed 
 this mornin." 
 
 The mention of the silverware caused poor 
 Alice a sad pang. Every piece, consisting of 
 massive tray, sugar bowl, cream pitcher tea 
 pot and one dozen large, and the same num. 
 ber of small teaspoons, butter bowl and 
 knite, had been in grandma's family for gen> 
 erations back, and were valued heirlooms 
 Grandma I^arquhar had inherited them from' 
 her ancestors in her old Georgia home. The 
 silverware had been buried time after time 
 during the civil war of '61-65. and it had 
 been Alices delight to listen to grandma's 
 stones of the events of that stirring period 
 How when Sherman's army made 'its cele- 
 brated march through Georgia the Farquehar 
 plantation lay directly in its road, and horri- 
 ble rumors were circulated regarding the 
 thievish propensities of the Yankee Vmy 
 How all the valuable jewelry and silverware 
 had been hastily buried bv one of the ne- 
 groes, an old slave named Hector, who was 
 born on the plantation and was n garded and 
 trusted as one of the family. Grandma who 
 was a young girl at that time, used to relate 
 how old Hector came in quite pleased, and 
 
Assured "Old Missus" that "dat dem Yan- 
 kees done walked right ober de spot whar 
 dem tings war buried and neber saw dem." 
 
 The Union officers were, however, very 
 polite to the ladies of the Farquhar family, 
 even applauding when Miss Belle (as grand- 
 ma was then called,) in a spirit of defiance 
 sang the "Bonnie Blue Flag," and they lost 
 nothing but some chickens and sweet pota- 
 toes which the Yankee soldiers gobbled up. 
 
 After the Yankees left, a detachment of 
 the Confederate cavalry encamped near the 
 plantation and remained about ten days. 
 Again was the silverware and other valuables 
 buried by old Hector, and although the sol- 
 diers helped themselves to the hay and grain 
 for their horses, nothing else was missed, and 
 the family was not disturbed or molested. 
 After both armies left the vicinity a gang of 
 ruffians and outlaws, known as "Red Burns' 
 Guerrilas, made their appearance in the neigh- 
 borhood, and although claiming to belong to 
 the Confederate army, robbed both friend 
 and foe alike. Again was the treasure bur- 
 ied, and although the guerillas questioned 
 every slave on the plantation, they received 
 no information, for the simple reason that 
 none but old Hector and the whites of the 
 family knew where it was. 
 
 Grandma used to describe to Alice the 
 terrible scenes which took place when Red- 
 burn and his gang arrived on the plantation. 
 How they invaded the home, ripped up the 
 carpets, plunged swords into the feather beds 
 
H 
 
 and searched high and low for the valuables 
 they were certain were concealed somewhere, 
 and to add insult to injury, threatened to 
 burn the house and skive quarters unless the 
 valuables were handed over to them. How- 
 ever, they succeeded in sending news of the 
 the situation to the male members of the 
 family who were serving in the Confederate 
 army. 
 
 Hon. Col. DeCourcey, an uncle of grand- 
 ma's, arrived with a company of cavalry, with 
 orders from Gen. Sinclair of the Confederate 
 forces to draft every one of the cowardly 
 guerillas into the Confederate army or wipe 
 them off the earth, and the general said he 
 did not give a hang which. 
 
 That very morning some of the guerillas 
 having learned from a slave who was jeal- 
 ous of the popularity of old Hector with the 
 whites, and likewise having been threatened 
 by some of the gang, confided to them that 
 probably old Hector was aware of any hid- 
 ing place which held the family belongings as 
 he was acquainted with a great many family 
 secrets, and had even been allowed to carry 
 the key of the smoke-house. 
 
 The ruffians had already placed a rope 
 around Hector's neck, and with a refinement 
 of cruelty had forced all the females of the 
 family, (the males were all away in the army) 
 to come out and see the nigger hang, no 
 doubt, hoping that sympathy for the poor 
 fellow would induce some of the females to 
 
15 
 
 betray the hiding place of any valuables they 
 might have concealed. 
 
 In fact the mistress of the plantation, 
 grandma's mama had just started forward 
 with an offer to surrender all the valuables on 
 condition that the ruffians should spare old 
 Hector, but at this juncture a cheer was 
 heard down the lane, a few shots were fired 
 and the guerillas ordered to surrender. 
 
 The new arrivals were Col. DeCourcey 
 and a company of Confederate cavalry. Old 
 Hector was at once released, while the band 
 of outlaws were placed under arrest and sent 
 to the nearest Confederate camp. 
 
 Alice never grew weary of hearing her 
 grandma relate the stirring events of the 
 Rebellion. She knew that grandma valued 
 the silverware far above its intrinsic worth 
 as a souvenier of her girlhood days; and 
 now to think that these ruffians were plan- 
 ning to steal and carry it off But what 
 could she do — no one was in sight. Oh! if 
 pa, or even the Chinese boy was at home, 
 but he too, had been granted a holiday and 
 had gone to see his cousin over in San 
 Francisco. Oh! if she were only in the 
 house she might scream from an up-stairs' 
 window and frighten the ruffians away. But 
 no, — there she was in that clump of bushes, 
 not daring to stir, scarcely to breathe lest she 
 should be overheard. 
 
 In a few minutes the younger ruffian re- 
 turned and with a great many slang expres- 
 sions, explained that he "rang the bell and 
 
r6 
 
 made a circuit of the house and there was 
 no one at home." 
 
 After a short talk the two desperadoes 
 agreed to break one of the dining-room 
 windows and effect an entrance that way. 
 As they moved off, tears came in AHce'seyes 
 as she thought how bad her grandma would 
 feel at the loss of her silverware. Oh! what 
 could she do to save it! She thought of the 
 events of the night before. How she wished 
 she were a boy. Then of her wish to be a 
 heroine. Suddenly the thought struck her 
 if she could save grandma's precious silver- 
 ware from the hands of the robbers, would 
 it not be a heroic action? Would not her 
 dear mama and papa praise her.'^ And the 
 gratitude of grandma! Oh! yes, she must 
 save that silverware at any cost. 
 
 But how ? No help was near. She must 
 do it alone. Suddenly she thought of her 
 father's words about the shotgun, '' it might 
 not kill, but you would think a hive of bees 
 had stung you." It was in the washroom 
 and the key of the kitchen door was hidden 
 in the woodshed under an old coat which 
 hung there. 
 
 She would softly unlock the kitchen door, 
 gain access to the washroom, seize the gun, 
 throw open the dining-room door and order 
 the villains to surrender. She glanced to- 
 ward the house; the tramps were under the 
 dining-room window, and one was standing 
 on the other's shoulders. She heard the 
 sound of breaking glass. She saw one of 
 
17 
 
 the villains raise the window, crawl tlirongh 
 and assist his companion in crime np. Now 
 was her time. 
 
 Quickly hurrying around the other side 
 of the house she gained the woodshed, and 
 in a moment had possession of the key. As 
 she turned, the sight of a large American 
 flag, which her father hoisted on the flagpole 
 in front of the house on all holidays, caught 
 her eye. She remembered that one time 
 when the janitor of the Kellogg school had 
 hoisted the school flag upside down by mis- 
 take, how that bold, bad expressman, John 
 Boyd, had criticised his doing so in the 
 Berkeley Advocate, How he said that a flag 
 was never hoisted '' Union down" unless in 
 case of distress; and surely this was a case 
 of deep distress. Besides, her father would 
 see the flag while up the road and would 
 hasten to see what was the matter. 
 
 Alice quickly seized the flag, and running 
 around the opposite side of the house bent 
 it on, Union down, and was glad when the 
 breeze streamed it out. 
 
 Now for the shotgun. One moment! 
 How should she accost the thieves? Why, 
 put on a bold face, rush in, point the gun at 
 the burglars and force them to remain quiet 
 until her father came. She at first thought 
 of repeating to the villains her favorite lines 
 in her best loved poem " Barbara Frietchie." 
 
 "Who touches one hair of yon gray head 
 Pies like a dog. March on," he said. 
 
tfe 
 
 But as the intruders were not touching 
 any gray head, that would not be appropri- 
 ate; but she would trust to circumstances 
 and proceed to action. Carefully grasping 
 the gun Alice crept cautiously to the dining- 
 room door and threw it open, and what a 
 sight met her eyes! Seated on the floor 
 were the two ruffians, one holding a grain 
 sack while the other placed the different 
 articles of silverware in it. Other articles 
 usually kept in the closet were scattered on 
 the floor, showing that the closet had been 
 thoroughly overhauled and all the contents 
 thrown out. The sight of Alice caused the 
 ruffians to rise to their feet. But as the young 
 lady pointed the gun and cried out '^ Sur- 
 render or die," they sank back in dismay. 
 
 After a moment's pause the elder ruffian 
 said: "Say, Miss, jest pint that gun the 
 other way and me and my pard will jump 
 out of the winder and say au revoir and 
 vamoos the ranch." 
 
 " Please sit still," replied Alice, "or you 
 die like a dog." 
 
 Now the truth must be told; Alice had 
 never handled a gun before and did not 
 know enough to raise the hammer and cock 
 the gun. But this the tramps did n'ot per- 
 ceive, and like cowards as they were, sat 
 trembling and did not dare to move. One 
 of the ruffians did propose to "jump up and 
 choke the kid." But when Alice (with her 
 heart in her mouth) answered boldly " come 
 on and try it," the ruffians sat still. Again 
 
19 
 
 when one of the scoundrels drew an old 
 sooty clay pipe from his pocket and pre- 
 paiedto smoke, Alice simply said: ''My ma 
 does not allow any smoking in the house. 
 Put that pipe away," and the command was 
 obeyed so promptly that it gave Alice cour- 
 age, though she constantly held the g^un in 
 readiness to bring it to her shoulder. All 
 of a sudden Alice heard the sound of ap- 
 proaching wheels, and one of the tramps 
 exclaimed with an oath : " There's a kerreige 
 comin' down the road." 
 
 Alice was overjoyed and made a step to- 
 ward the window; upon seeing which one of 
 the robbers started to arise from the floor. 
 Quick as a flash Alice turned and leveled 
 the weapon, at the same time exclaiming: 
 "Please sit down;" a polite request which 
 the man, with one glance at the shotgun in 
 the hands of the young girl was good enough 
 to obey. 
 
 The sound of wheels grew nearer, and as 
 Alice caught sight of her father seated on 
 the front with the driver, Alice screamed 
 with all her might: "Fire! robbers! help! 
 murder! fire! thieves! help!" Mr. Foster 
 heard and recognized the voice of his daugh- 
 ter, and his first thought was of fire. Jump- 
 ing from the carriage he seized an empty 
 water pail which stood out on the flower 
 beds; he sprang through the rear of the 
 house into the dining-room, and one glance 
 told the story. The leveled gun held by 
 his daughter, the silverware and other 
 
20 
 
 articles scattered over the floor, the crouch- 
 ing robbers. Seizing the gun from his 
 daughter's hands he cocked both barrels 
 and shouted, " Surrender, you villains, or I 
 will fill you full of lead." 
 
 " Yes," shouted Alice (remembering her 
 last lesson in history relating to the capture 
 of Crown Point by Ethan Allen during the 
 war of the Revolution) " Surrender in the 
 name of the Great Jehovah and the Conti- 
 nental Congress!" and turning to her mama, 
 who had just hurried in, Alice fell into her 
 arms exclaiming: '' They— were— going— to 
 rob — grandma — of — her — silverware," faint- 
 ed. Laying Alice on the lounge Mrs. Fos- 
 ter called in Joe Frick, the driver of the 
 carriage, and bade him drive down to Shat- 
 tuck avenue and request Marshal Lloyd, or 
 one of his deputies, to return with him to 
 arrest the captured outlaws. 
 
 Frick soon returned with the Marshal 
 and also a reporter of the Advocate^ who 
 had heard the news and had visions of a 
 ^' scoop" before his eyes, and to Alice's con- 
 fusion skillfully drew from her a full account 
 of the day's happenings. Alice very mod- 
 estly told her story, after which Marshal 
 Lloyd handcuffed the two villains and Start- 
 ed for the county jail. Alice received the 
 congratulations of her friends and neighbors^ 
 who crowded in to hear of her strange ad- 
 venture, and to her surprise the Berkeley 
 Advocate came out with a two-column ac- 
 count of her daring act headed in large 
 
21 
 
 letters: " A Heroic Berkeley Girl. She 
 Captures Two Burglars and Saves the 
 Family Jewels. A Young Lady of whom 
 Berkeley should be proud." And it made 
 Alice feel proud to read the kind commen- 
 dations which the big-hearted editor of the 
 Advocate showered on her. 
 
 But what a welcome she received the next 
 morning when she entered Kellogg school 
 yard. How her schoolmates petted and ad- 
 mired her. How Prof. Waterman shook 
 hands and congratulated her on her pluck 
 and courage, and said he was proud of her 
 as a pupil. It was a disagreeable feature of 
 the case when Alice had to go down to the 
 Superior Court as witness in the case for 
 the People vs. Moses Riley and Peter Mc- 
 Cann. Alice dreaded the ordeal; but when 
 in simple language she told how she had 
 followed the burglars, how she had covered 
 them with the shotgun and forced them to 
 surrender, the court rang with applause. 
 How the judge in his charge to the jury 
 called her a "brave American girl"; how 
 the jury, after finding the prisoners guilty, 
 begged the privilege of shaking hands with 
 her. But it must be confessed that Alice 
 felt sorry when she heard the prisoners sen- 
 tenced to ten years in San Quentin. 
 
 A few days after grandma sent for lawyer 
 Graber and added a codicil to her will, which 
 read: 
 
 " And in addition to the bequest hereto*- 
 fore made to my beloved granddaughter 
 
22 
 
 Alice Foster, I hereby bequeath to her all 
 my silverware known as the ' Farquhar sil- 
 ver ware,' which I wish her to keep in mem- 
 ory of the giver." 
 
 Slje Capture of tlje gultarja. 
 
 A San Francisco newspaper has an article 
 stating that the " Marion," an old sloop of 
 war, is to be stationed in the bay as a prac- 
 tice ship for the naval reserve. 
 
 It is now thirty-eight years since I last 
 saw the '' Marion" on the west coast of 
 Africa. We were blockading the mouth of 
 the Congo on the lookout for slavers. It 
 was well known that one of these was up 
 the river with her slave deck laid ready to 
 take in her dusky cargo. 
 
 There was a spirit of rivalry between the 
 officers of the U. S. S. Sumpter, on which I 
 was, and those of the Marion, each being 
 anxious to make the capture, as in all prob- 
 ability there would be not only the value of 
 the ship, but eighteen or twenty thousand 
 dollars prize money for the "blackbirds." 
 
 Our officers held frequent consultations 
 as to the best way to effect the capture. One 
 evening I overheard Lieut. Greer say to the 
 captain: ''The best plan that I can form is 
 to find a trustworthy man to act the ship- 
 wrecked sailor or deserter." 
 
 After some further discussion the captain 
 
23 
 
 went below and I seized the first opportunity 
 to interview Lieut. Greer, urging him to 
 recommend me for the deserter in case the 
 captain decided to act upon his plan. He 
 looked at me in surprise. ''Why, you young 
 powder monkey," said he, " what the devil 
 do you think you could do ? The captain 
 of the Sultana, when he caught you hanging 
 around his vessel, would probably hang you 
 up and give you three dozen." 
 
 Undismayed, I continued to urge the mat- 
 ter, saying that I would pose as a runaway 
 from the Harriet Foster, a palm-oil trader 
 that had sailed the day before for Boston. I 
 received however, no encouragement from 
 my officer and was agreeably surprised the 
 next morning to receive a summons from 
 the captain to his cabin. As I stood cap in 
 hand, all expectancy, he began: "Well, 
 Boyd, so you want to go up and fool the 
 captain of the Sultana, do you? I fear, 
 however, that he may fool you with a rope's 
 end, or feed you to the crocodiles." 
 
 I was burning to go, for I saw in imagina- 
 tion my share of the prize money and a 
 probable purse from my officers and ship- 
 mates, who would feel that thc}^ were in- 
 debted to me for gaining the prey for them 
 instead of allowing it to fall to the Marion. 
 The chance of promotion too was no small 
 incentive. 
 
 The captain made every possible objection, 
 and just as I was about to give up hope he 
 said: " I have a notion to let you try your 
 
H 
 
 luck, but you must volunteer, I will not 
 detail you.'' 
 
 "All right," I said joyfully, "I volun- 
 teer." 
 
 It was arranged that two of our Krou men, 
 called Tom Lee and Happy Jack [natives of 
 the African coast) were to take me in a 
 canoe up the river twenty-five miles and 
 leave me within half a mile of the slave 
 ship, and that the same men were to come 
 up daily on the flood tide and I was to meet 
 them and communicate with them when 
 possible and keep them informed as to the 
 progress of events; or if to meet them 
 proved impracticable I was to tie a white 
 rag around some tree to be decided upon as 
 s )on as they should begin to load the blacks. 
 
 It did not take us long to reach the bend 
 in the river, just above which the slaver lay 
 anchored. After deciding upon a signal 
 tree they left me and returned to the ship, 
 while I walked along the bank up the river. 
 
 Our surgeon. Dr. Otis, had made a bet of 
 five dollars with Lieut. Greer, that I would 
 ''crawfish'' and return with the canoe. I 
 am proud to say that the doctor lost his bet. 
 A fifteen minute walk brought me to the 
 Barracoons (walled enclosures where the 
 captives were housed until the ship was 
 ready to receive them.) The report that a 
 man-of-war lay at the mouth of the river 
 caused the delay. 
 
 As I came abreast I was approached by a 
 yawl carrying two white men dressed in 
 
25 
 
 white linen suits and two black men in cast- 
 off officers' uniforms. As they stepped 
 ashore, one of them eyeing me closely, said : 
 
 '' Where in hell did you come from ?" 
 
 I replied that I had just come up the 
 river hoping to ship with them. 
 
 " And what d Yankee or lime juice 
 
 man-of-war do you hail from?" Engl,sh 
 vessels are called " Lime Juicers" on ac- 
 count of that article being served out as a 
 ration to prevent scurvy. 
 
 I told him that I came from no man-of- 
 war, but had left the Harriet Foster the day 
 before she sailed as I had had a row with 
 the mate. 
 
 " And now you want us to pilot you 
 home," said he. "Well, go aboard and see 
 the mate. Tell him that I sent you and to 
 let you sign articles." 
 
 I went on board, saw the mate, who after 
 a short talk in which I related my story 
 about the Harriet Foster, took me down to 
 the cabin and produced the articles, after 
 which I inquired when they were to sail. 
 
 "D— d if I know," replied he, " it all de- 
 pends upon when these cussed men-of-war 
 will clear the coast." 
 
 He then enquired if I had any clothes, 
 and when I told him they were all left on 
 the Harriet Foster he said I might draw on 
 the '^slop chest" for what I wanted. 
 
 I went down to dinner with the crew upon 
 the sounding of eight bells. The fare was 
 better than that usually served upon mer- 
 
26 
 
 chant ships and the men said they had soft 
 tack (bread) three days out of the week and 
 plum duff every Sunday. The work was 
 not hard. All the talk was about when they 
 would take in their ''cargo." Then hurrah 
 for Cuba! Every man was promised one 
 thousand dollars upon the safe delivery of 
 the cargo. The crew consisted of twelve 
 men and one boy. They had lost a boy 
 overboard on the voyage out and I was to 
 take his place. 
 
 After dinner the crew, instead of being 
 set to work as is usual on merchant ships, 
 lounged around the decks smoking, while 
 two or three without asking permission of 
 the mate jumped into a boat and rowed 
 ashore. The other boy, whose name was 
 Antone, asked me to come ashore and get 
 some bananas that grew plentifully near the 
 barracoon. I did so, and made an errand 
 ashore every day, running when I was alone 
 down to the signal tree in hopes of seeing 
 Tom Lee and Happy Jack when they came 
 up on the flood tide. I never saw them but 
 once and then I was obliged to motion them 
 away, for just as they were paddling toward 
 the bank I heard Antone calling me. 
 
 One afternoon the captain sent a .note to 
 the mate, who ordered me to go to the galley 
 and tell the cook to have dinner ready at six 
 bells (four o'clock). When I delivered the 
 message the cook said, '' I'll bet a month's 
 wages that we're off tonight." 
 
 I was astounded. It was too late to tie 
 
27 
 
 the signal to the tree as the tide was on the 
 ebb and I knew that the canoe mnst have 
 returned to the ship for that day. 
 
 After supper the canoes began to come 
 alongside with the poor human freight. The 
 victims came over one by one, while the 
 mate stood at the gangway counting off in 
 groups of five, and the second mate, assisted 
 by two or three seamen, were packing them 
 in the ,' 'tween decks." I say packing, for 
 no other word will describe the process of 
 loading a slaver. They were packed as 
 close as sardines in a box, for every slave 
 was worth from six hundred to a thousand 
 dollars. 
 
 Rum had been dealt out freely to both 
 crew and negro drivers. 
 
 As soon as the last black was stowed be- 
 low the hatches were put on, wind sails 
 hoisLed, the fore and main topsail and jib 
 loosed and hoisted. The hawsers that had 
 tethered us to the trees were cast off and the 
 mate shouted, "Hurrah for Cuba " 
 
 Our voyage had begun ! I had intended 
 to slip ashore and make for the old Sumpter 
 or hide in the jungle until the canoe should 
 come up; but alas, the mate detailed me to 
 hold a lantern over the main hatch, in order 
 to prevent the niggers from breaking their 
 necks, as he said, and I could get no relief 
 
 My only hope now was that one of the 
 men-of-war, either the Sumpter or the Mar- 
 ion, and I was not very particular which one, 
 would capture us. It was slack water and 
 
28 
 
 the tide would soon ebb. The captain and 
 an old negro were on the forecastle acting as 
 pilots. i\o bells were struck, no lights dis- 
 played and no noise allowed. 
 
 Everything went well until about eleven 
 o'clock when the captain shouted, "llarda 
 port! Hard a port! Where in hell arc you 
 steering for?" 
 
 Presently the nose of the Sultana was 
 pointed to the south bank of the river and 
 the tide, which was now ebbing fast, drifted 
 her on to a sand shoal and there she stuck. 
 Almost superhuman effort on the part of of- 
 ficers and crew availed nothing. It was 
 plain that we were there to stay. What was 
 to be done? 
 
 Should the slaves be unloaded at the risk 
 of losing large numbers into the bush, or 
 should we lie quietly awaiting the floodtide? 
 The latter course was finally decided upon. 
 A party was dispatched ashore to cut trees 
 and branches. Long before morning every 
 mast and spar was so decorated that we 
 looked to be a part of the forest. 
 
 Having worked a good share of the night 
 we were not disturbed until ten o'clock the 
 next morning. Then began the routine of 
 breakfast, "feeding the cargo." The slave- 
 deck was hosed and there the poor creatures 
 were dealt each a tin of rice and a sea 
 biscuit. 
 
 During this process a small squad was 
 directed to "rouse up the stiffs." Shortly the 
 word was shouted up the hatchway that there 
 
29 
 
 were three "stiffs," and the second mate 
 ordered me to fix a block and tackle on the 
 mainstay to hoist out the 'damaged freight," 
 as they flippantly called the murdered human 
 beings, just as the bodies were laid on deck 
 the captain came along and began to curse 
 ''Old King Hurricane," the boss of the bar- 
 racoon, for putting on board "sick niggers," 
 finishing his hari'angue with a grand finale in 
 the swearing art, accompanied by a threat to 
 kill the old black on sight. 
 
 I had been studying all the morning on 
 the serious problem of getting word to the 
 Sumpter. The only possible course seemed 
 to be to run down the river a mile or two and 
 hail the boys who would soon be coming up 
 in the canoe. But to steal ashore was a very 
 difficult matter. For some time I had been 
 working on deck and watching my chance 
 when I heard the captain call out in the bush 
 language, ''Aja ma we bo" (come here, boys), 
 and add in the same tongue that he had 
 plenty of whiskey. I looked around and 
 there was the canoe with Tom Lee and 
 Happy Jack. I was thunder struck and 
 frightened. The idea came into my head 
 that the captain had found out that I had 
 been sent there as a spy and I trembled all 
 over. I eyed him closely while he called the 
 second mate and gave him some whispered 
 instructions. As Tom Lee came over the 
 side the cabin-steward brought a pitcher of 
 rum and handed him a drink. The captain 
 called Happy Jack up out of the canoe to get 
 
36 
 
 some and when both were drinking-, the sec- 
 ond mate and four or five of the crew jumped 
 upon and overpowered them at a signal from 
 the captain. Of course, they were quickly 
 dragged to the hatchway, stripped and sent 
 below, while the captain chuckled and said, 
 "Now we are only one short." 
 
 I was even more anxious than before to. 
 get off the ship for I feared that Tom, who 
 spoke good English, might disclose the plot 
 and betray me. At an opportune moment I 
 dropped my cap down the hatchway and 
 crawled down the ladder ostensibly to get it. 
 The boys, realizing their situation, looked 
 very unhappy as you may suppose, and the 
 cursing I got in broken English and Hot- 
 tentot, almost makes my hair rise now in re- 
 membrance. The second mate heard the 
 row and looking down asked me what I was 
 doing there. I told him my cap story, and 
 charging me not to "tease the niggers,'' he 
 walked away. I stayed long enough to learn 
 the whereabouts of the Sumpter from Tom 
 who had ceased swearing, and to assure him 
 that I would get the news to them and they 
 would capture the ship and rescue him. He 
 felt better and urged me to go at once. 
 "Suppose no can hail ship, make 'fire on 
 beach, quarter-master see 'em, send boat 
 quick." 
 
 I promised to obey instructions, and going 
 on deck, lounged around, watching my chance 
 to make the land. Finally one of the sailors, 
 declaring that he was going to have a good 
 
31 
 
 fill of bananas before leaving the coast, 
 swung- into a tree-top and in that way reached 
 the shore. Two or three others followed 
 and J went with the crowd. As soon as we 
 touched land I strayed from the party and 
 started down the river on a run. Of course 
 this rate of speed could not be maintained, 
 for I had before me a trudge of several 
 hours' duration. While the scenery was 
 grand and the chattering of the monkeys 
 and chippering of birds was interesting, it 
 was far from being a pleasure trip. Not 
 fresh at the beginning, I was very tired after 
 a few miles, and as night approached I im- 
 agined all sorts of dangers lay before me. 
 The forest was full, I felt sure, of fierce ani- 
 mals, all licking their chops for me and all 
 knowing exactly where to find me. The 
 river too, would be difficult to follow in dark- 
 ness. This was my only guide out into civil- 
 ization. Once lost in an African jungle, 
 farewell to prize moneys, promotions and all 
 other things earthly. I fell to speculating 
 upon the cheerful subjeet of which would be 
 the worst death, — by fever or famine, wild 
 beast or wild man; but like many, perhaps 
 most of our troubles, none of these things 
 happened. A very unexpected thing did, 
 however, even as I had about decided be- 
 tween the desirability of furnishing the feast 
 for a lion or a cannibal : I stooped to drink, 
 placing one knee on a log, as I thought. It 
 was just dusk. My support began to wiggle 
 and I beat a hasty retreat. With feet firmly 
 
2>^ 
 
 on land I stood dazed as a large crocodile let 
 loose his moorings and floated off into deep 
 water. Just before it became dangerously- 
 dark, I rejoiced to see the top of a marble 
 monument which stands on the south side of 
 the mouth of the river, having been erected 
 there by the English government in honor of 
 some naval officer who was buried there. I 
 do not recall the name but it was one of the 
 many of England's great dead. 
 
 From this point 1 turned to the south 
 and walked along the beach, hoping every 
 minute to catch sight of the Sumpter, but 
 it was getting darker every moment and I 
 saw that it would be useless to proceed 
 further, so I began to look about for dry 
 wood to make a signal-fire. Presently I 
 saw the outline of a boat and my first 
 thought was that it had been sent from the 
 Sultana in pursuit of me, so I hid and 
 listened. In a moment I recognized the 
 regular fall and stroke of oars, in which 
 the crew of the man-of-war were carefully 
 drilled, and soon after discerned the bin- 
 nacle light, characteristic of their boats. 
 
 I hailed ''Boat ahoy,'' at the top of my 
 voice. The boat stopped. I called again. 
 
 Soon "Who is there?" rang outun the 
 midshipman's familiar voice, and I ven- 
 tured to give m}^ name. When the boat 
 had pulled through the surf and he had 
 leaped ashore, he swung the lantern in my 
 face and inquired, ''Have you seen the 
 boys wlio went up the river this morning ?'' 
 
33 
 
 *' Yes," F rc^^lied, " tliey are prisoners on 
 board the Sultana, unless they are res- 
 cued." 
 
 "Where is tlie pirate," said tlie middy. 
 
 "Aground, fifteen or twenty miles up the 
 stream," I leplied. 
 
 "Jump in, quick," he cried, "let's go back 
 and repoi't." 
 
 In a moment we were headed for our 
 ship and reached her after a pull of an 
 hour an a half. 
 
 The sailors were excited when I told my 
 story, and of course they saw prize money 
 within easy i-each. Upon reaching the 
 ship we all hasteneri on deck and the mid- 
 shipman repn]-ted. I Avas questioned and 
 gave a brief account of my adventureSo 
 finishimr with the statement that I was 
 hungry. The captain sent me to his cabin, 
 somewhat to the disappointment of the 
 crew who wanted to hear more. He had 
 given directions to the cabin steward to 
 serve me with something to eat. It was 
 then about midnight and I had taken 
 nothing sinco breakfast. This was the first 
 and last time that I ever ate in the cabin 
 of a man-of-war. 
 
 While eating I heard the boatswain's 
 mate piping, followed by the call: 
 
 "Away, armed gig's crew, away." An- 
 other blast and the call : 
 
 "Away, you armed first cutters, away." 
 
 The second cutter's crew was armed and 
 I was ordered after supper to arm and join 
 
34 
 
 them. We soon took the lead. In about 
 an hour we reached the mouth of the river. 
 The officers held a consultation. The tide 
 was ebbing and we would make slow pro- 
 gress pulling against it. The second cut- 
 ter's crew, it was finally decided, should 
 walk up the south bank and I was to ac- 
 company them. 
 
 We had gone about two miles when the 
 creaking of the blocks of the approaching 
 Sultana was plainly audible. 
 
 Our officers sent two men back on the 
 run to give the alarm. The rest of us 
 waited until the slaver hove in sight. 
 Down she came with fore and main top 
 sails set and ebb tide to help. We found 
 it impossible to keep abreast in the race 
 down the river, and when we reached our 
 boat she had already cleared the mouth 
 and appeared to be some distance out. 
 
 The Sumpter lay stream up and a shot 
 from her 32-pound howitzer gave the 
 slaver a hint to heave to. The crews of 
 the other boats were just boarding her as 
 we shoved of!', but we were all anxious to 
 be in at the death so we joined them with 
 all haste, and found our men putting the 
 slaver's crew in irons. The first thing I 
 did was to run to the main hatch and re- 
 assure Tom Lee and Happy Jack. A mom- 
 ent later one of our men secured the key 
 and released them. They were overjoyed 
 and displayed their feelings after the man- 
 ner of their race. They danced, they sung, 
 
35 
 
 they shouted and shook hands with each 
 other and our crew and officers. They 
 lauded ine until I felt as brave as an 
 admiral. 
 
 The Sultana was sent to Liberia to un- 
 load her cargo, thence to Boston where she 
 Avas condemned and sold. Out of the pro- 
 ceeds I received two hundred and thirty- 
 eii>'ht dollars prize money and my officers 
 added fifty dollars to this. Financially, I 
 should have done much better to have 
 stayed with the slaver, but I have always 
 considei'ed that day's work well worth the 
 doing. 
 
 Tom ^jee and Happy Jack received a 
 purse between them almost equal to mine. 
 The office I's used to chaff them by remind- 
 ing them that we should all have received 
 more prize money if they had turned them 
 in witli the slaves. 
 
 Nearly thirty-five years have elapsed and 
 I suppose that most of the Sumpter's crew 
 have furled their jibs and anchored on the 
 other shore, but if this should mec^t the 
 eye of any one of thorn, I should like to 
 hear from him. 
 
36 
 
 ^ow (He Pooled tl]e School niaster. 
 
 School had been in probably an hour and 
 the first class in. arithmetic had just returned 
 to their seats. It was a warm morning in 
 June and the heat made Mr. Patridge (the 
 teacher) peevish and cross; while all the pu- 
 pils watched the slow hands of the clock, 
 impatiently waiting for half-past ten, at which 
 time we were granted half an hour recess. 
 
 Suddenly the boom of a cannon was heard, 
 and every pupil was on nettles and anxious 
 to be out of school. For while to you, read- 
 ers, the firing of a gun would have no special 
 significance, to us Long Island boys it told a 
 story as plain as if printed, that there was a 
 ship ashore on great South Beach. There 
 was always great excitement when there was 
 a shipwTeck on the beach. There was always 
 the crew who had long stories of shipwreck 
 and disaster to relate. There was the excite- 
 ment of manning and launching the life boat 
 and watching the men do their noble work; 
 and every boy in school would have under- 
 gone any amount of "lickin' " to be out of 
 school and on his way to the beach. 
 
 Eugene Topping made the first attempt. 
 He was suddenly seized with a jumping 
 toothache and groaned for a few minutes in 
 agony until Mr. Patridge noticed him and in- 
 quired, ''What is the matter, Eugene.'^" *'A 
 jumping toothache. Sir," replied "Gene" be- 
 
37 
 
 tween sobs, looking the teacher square in the 
 face; while every boy in school felt envious of 
 him, for we fully expected to hear Mr Pat- 
 ridge say, "Well, you had better run away 
 home and get some laudanum in it and lie 
 down until it gets better." But he did no 
 such thing — he simply said, '*Hum, it's 
 strange how quick your tooth got to aching 
 direcdy after that ship fired that distress sig- 
 nal. The noise of the gun must have shaken 
 the nerves of your tooth. But just sit still 
 and study your lesson and if the pain doesn't 
 stop you had better go over and sit along 
 side of Kitty Murdock and see if that won't 
 stop it." The worst punishment you could 
 award a boy in our school was to make him 
 take a seat on the girls' side, or vice versa, 
 for sometimes the girls had to take a seat on 
 the boys' side as pimishment. 
 
 Strange to say ''Gene's" toothache soon 
 stopped. Mr. Patridge was a humane man 
 and on no account would he have forced a 
 scholar really suffering with pain or in any 
 manner sick to remain in school. But he 
 was well aware that every boy and girl in the 
 room was just aching to get away from school 
 to make a straight run to the beach and for 
 that reason he took no stock in "Gene's" 
 toothache. 
 
 Mr. Patridge was a tall, spare man and a 
 good teacher. He had but one idiosyncracy. 
 He had resided for a number of years in 
 Canada and had acquired a smattering of the 
 French language and would always "wring 
 
3^ 
 
 In" a few F'rench words when conversing 
 with any person. He was a great friend of 
 my father's, pardy because he could speak 
 French (which he had learned when a young 
 man living in Quebec), and also because he- 
 was a school trustee. The teacher visited 
 our house quite frequently, always addressing 
 father and mother as Monsieur and Madame 
 Boyd, while he generally patted your humble 
 servant on the head, assuring the bystanders 
 that I was a ''jolt garcon.y But he was a 
 good teacher, as I have just said, despite the 
 fact that his favor could always be won by 
 asking him the meaning of some French 
 phrase. 
 
 At length the slow hands of the clock ar- 
 rived at 10:30 and the recess bell rang. Out 
 we scampered, but not to play ball or any 
 other game today. We had seen too many 
 people hurrying toward the bay to launch 
 their skiffs for the beach. We knew that our 
 fathers and elder brothers were on the way 
 to the beach and several passers-by had, in 
 answer to our inquiries, said that a large full- 
 rigged ship was ashore right off the life sav- 
 ing station. Excitement ran high. We all 
 wanted to go. But how .-^ We all knew 
 what was in store for us both at home and at 
 school and none cared to run the risk. 
 George Howell proposed that we should all 
 run away in a body, as Mr. Patridge would 
 not think of "lickin' " the whole school. But 
 nobody seconded the motion and it was de- 
 clared out of order. While one made one 
 
39 
 
 suggestion and proposed something else, a 
 chance remark made by Sam Baldwin put an 
 idea in my head. 
 
 Sammy had stood listening while the 
 others talked and finally said, ''Let's tell old 
 'Pat,' " as we had nicknamed the teacher, 
 ''that there are some Frenchmen on the 
 wreck, and that they want him as interpreter. 
 He'll jump at the chance to show off his 
 ' Parley -vous Francaisf " A bright thought. 
 This idea took at once and Enoch Miller, 
 Charley Ketchum and myself very quickly 
 formed a plan which was to counterfeit ti let- 
 ter from my father, saying that the ship was 
 full of French passengers who could speak 
 no English and requesting him to proceed at 
 once to the beach and act as interpreter. As 
 I was a very poor writer, (a fact that my 
 publishers will make affidavit to) George 
 Hopkins was selected to write the letter from 
 oiy father, I supplying a few French phrases 
 to make the document look genuine. Then 
 Ed Hallock agreed to get his father's col- 
 ored boy, who was chopping wood near by, 
 to deliver the letter to the school teacher. 
 George Hopkins ran into the school room 
 and got a sheet of letter paper and pen and 
 ink which he ^carried into the wood-shed. 
 And then using a book for a desk, we pro- 
 ceeded to compose the letter, at the same 
 time sending a small boy after an envelope. 
 We had finished the letter and addressed it 
 to "Monsieur Patridge," when I was sur- 
 prised by the appearance of my younger 
 
40 
 
 brother James, who said, "Ma sent you some 
 lunch and this letter and told me to give this 
 other letter to Mr. Patridge." I opened my 
 note which read as follows: 
 
 "Dear John: — Your father and I are going 
 to the beach, so instead of coming home at 
 noon, please find enough lunch for yourself 
 and Jimmy in the basket. Your brother has 
 a note to Mr. Patridge requesting him to 
 permit him to remain with you until school 
 closes. Mama." 
 
 Probably I did not cry ^'Eureka" because I 
 had never heard of the word nor knew its 
 meaning, but I felt that way. I took the 
 note that was intended for the school teacher 
 from Jimmy and substituting the one written 
 by George Hopkins, we sent Jimmy into the 
 school room with the forged letter. A mo- 
 ment later the school bell rang and we 
 rushed in, some of the boys grumbling and 
 declaring that " 'twas a 'plaguey' short half- 
 hour." After we were all seated Mr. Pat- 
 ridge, his breast swelling with pride, spoke 
 as follows: 
 
 " Boys and girls, I had intended to keep 
 school as usual but humanity calls on me to 
 dismiss the school and. act the part of a 
 Christian and obey the golden rule, "Do 
 unto others as you would have them do unto 
 you." I have just received a letter from 
 school trustee '"Boz" informing me that a 
 load of French immigrants are wrecked on 
 our coast — unauble to spekk a word of our 
 
hmgu ige, aiid ciliing upon me to act the part 
 of the gooJ Scim'iritan. 1 will ivad you 
 what Trustee Boyd says: 
 
 'Monsieur Patridge: 
 
 Le bate.aic which is naufraoe 
 on the beach is filled with passengers Fran- 
 cats giu ne peuvent pas parle r Anglais. Cap- 
 tain Rodgers — the Hfe boat master — wants 
 you and myself to 'venez tout suite and inter- 
 pret. 
 
 Voire humble servant, 
 
 John T. Boyd.' 
 
 "School's dismissed," said he, after read- 
 ing the letter and out we poured, most oi us 
 going to the beach, myself included, al- 
 though I was handicapped with Jimmy. 
 
 The boys said aftei'ward that it was as 
 good as a circus to see Mr. Patridge after he 
 arrived at the wreck. He first offered his 
 services to Capt. Rodgers who advised him 
 to put on an oilskin suit and sea boots before 
 he would be any use there. But when he 
 learned that the ship, instead of carrying 
 passengers; was loaded with lumber and 
 bound from Halifax to New Orleans, he 
 sought out and had a long talk with my 
 father. I heard that he blamed me for the 
 whole transaction. But at any rate he never 
 patted me on the head and called me ''joli 
 garcon' after the day we had a holiday to 
 visit the wreck. 
 
SKETCHES BY BOVn 
 
 KOT BY " BOZ." 
 
 THE BERKELEY PARK. 
 
 Nothing has pleased me better since my 
 grandmother died than the news that we 
 were to have a park around Berkeley station, 
 but on reading the specifications I cannot 
 help* but think the "Berberis vulgaris atro- 
 purpurea'' should have been omitted. Noth- 
 ing vulgar should be allowed in so public a 
 place. Some of us old fellows w^ould have 
 liked to have seen the favorites of our boy- 
 hood, such as the "Paralleoppidon centiped," 
 the ''Tavator Latre Superioris Alac que Nast 
 Multiplex," and a few others of the kind, but 
 I suppose they are out of date and must be 
 classed as back numbers the same as our- 
 selves. I see that they only propose to plant 
 one *'Rosa Wichatura." I don't know 
 whether this Rosa is any relation to a darkey 
 girl I met at Hilton Head during the war. 
 She was a mighty fine girl and I heard that 
 her master valued her at $1500. And then 
 there is only one ''Rhodotyphus kerviodes." 
 Now don't be small, Mr. Gardener, but give 
 us a few more Rhodies. And then, I don't 
 
44 
 
 see any mention of those beautiful "Radish- 
 merdergang Optiolaves," and I know that if 
 my friend the King of Siam visits me, as he 
 is Hkely to do, he will think we are behind 
 the age not to have this beautiful plant. 
 
 Again, only one "Taxas Baccata Pyramid- 
 alis." Why, they should have a dozen. 
 They are beautiful with watermelon vines 
 growing over them. And no ''Gloradinus 
 Appeleyrafigoem;" what can the man be 
 thinking of.'^ He also omits to state how 
 many ''Esqualias Upicardigums" will be set 
 out and how many "Quartelaman Kesalte- 
 nangoes" will line the driveway. With these 
 changes and your humble servant appointed 
 superintendent at a good salary, I think we 
 may claim to be on a par with the parki of 
 London, Paris or Temescal. 
 
 DESCRIPTION OF THE PARK. 
 
 No resident of Berkeley can pass the 
 postoffice without his heart swelling with 
 pride and joy at the splendid appearance of 
 our new park. While hardly as large as the 
 celebrated Hyde Park of Lond^on, or Central 
 Park of New York, still it is a beauty spot 
 that Berkeleyans can point to with a feeling 
 of satisfaction. To non-residents a few 
 words of description may be interesting. 
 
 The park, according to the Town Engi- 
 neer's measurement, contains 74 19-100 acres. 
 
45 
 
 The south end is mostly given to the fragrant 
 Etheopian Doxannina tree, while the central, 
 or citrus belt, of the park is given over to 
 the beautiful Sacarapa Hundgi, together 
 with the splendid Acurapa Songoenetta. 'J he 
 northern part is one mass of the hardy 
 Duennapa Seros of Alaska. 
 
 Some fear is expressed that children may 
 be lost in the mazes and wooded portions of 
 the park, and parents and guardians cannot 
 be too careful in allowing young children to 
 wander out of sight and hearing We un- 
 derstand that it is the intention of the Town 
 Trustees to pass strict l«ws against parties 
 hunting or discharging fire-arms inside the 
 park limits, and also one forbidding parties 
 picking flowers or holding picnics there. An 
 effort is also being made to have the cele- 
 brated Wang-ho band of Hong Kong dis- 
 course sweet Chinese airs every pleasant af- 
 ternoon. It was the intention of the pro- 
 jectors to place a fountain near the center of 
 the park, but the enormous cost of water 
 precluded any such extravagent idea, and 
 the matter was dropped. 
 
 We are informed that the Town Board 
 will at once appoint a head gardener at $150 
 per month salary, and two assistant garden- 
 ers at $100 per month. These officials will 
 also appoint special policemen and will be 
 authorized to arrest any and all parties 
 kindling fires, snaring birds or playing old 
 sledge within the park limits. 
 
46 
 DISCOVERY OF GOLD. 
 
 So many conflicting reports have been 
 published by the San Francisco and Berke- 
 ley papers in regard to the part I took in 
 the discovery of gold at Sutter's mill in '48 
 that I beg the liberty of making a plain 
 statement of facts in regard to the wonder- 
 ful discovery. 
 
 On the afternoon of January 24, 1848, 
 Captain Sutter, Mr. Marshall and myself, 
 after a lunch on baked beans and slapjacks, 
 lit our pipes and sat discussing the last bi- 
 cycle race and the Durrant case. At last 
 we started for work. Marshall was eager to 
 finish the dam that afternoon, while Captain 
 Sutter, who had invested in a chuck-a-luck 
 board, w^anted us to bet on the game. Mar- 
 shall, who had lost a half-month's wages 
 the night before, refused to play and again 
 spoke of going to work on the mill-dam. 
 It was at this juncture that the captain ut- 
 tered the famous words still preserved in 
 California history: With his left arm ex- 
 tended, he uttered the well-known words, 
 'dam the dam'' and still urged us to play, 
 offering to advance a month's ^ wages, — 
 stating that luck must change and that he 
 had no hopes of winning all the time. But 
 Marshall would not consent and we shoul- 
 dered our shovels and went to work. 
 
 As Marshall was shoveling some dirt out 
 of the race way, he suddenly stooped dowu 
 
47 
 
 and picked up a bright yellow lump about 
 as big as a walnut and exclaimed, "by gum, 
 I have found a chunk of gold." 
 
 Just then Captain Sutter came down and 
 Marshall said, ''See what I found." The 
 captain looked at it a minute and said, 
 ''That's mine." Marshall said, "No, sir-ee. 
 It came out of my mine." 
 
 But the captain swore that he had lost it 
 through a hole in his pants' pocket and that 
 it had been given him by his poor dead 
 uncle who had brought it down from the 
 Klondyke. He seemed to feel so bad at the 
 loss of his uncle, whom he explained had 
 returned to Dawson, and had died from sun- 
 stroke while crossing Chilkoot pass, that 
 Marshall gave him the gold and the Cap- 
 tain went home after treating us to a chew 
 of tobacco as a reward for our honesty. 
 
 We dug up about $5000 apiece in the 
 next few days, but did not say anything to 
 the captain for fear that his poor dead uncle 
 might have had a hole in his pants' 'pocket 
 too. We mined until the news spread all 
 over the civilized world when finding it no 
 longer profitable I decided to emigrate to 
 Berkeley and run for poundmaster. 
 
 PARK IN DANGER. 
 
 The question has often been asked, in 
 case the Spanish fleet attacked this coast, 
 how would Berkeley fare? And in case of 
 
48 
 
 invasion by Spanish troops, would tlie^^ 
 spare our beautiful park at Berkeley Sta- 
 tion? Or would they carry it off as a very rich 
 prize? Knowing the Spanish nation w^ell 
 and their love for the picturesque and 
 beautiful, I tremble for our fine park. 
 Should the wSpanish troops advance and 
 seize our beautiful town what more tempt- 
 ing prize would attract their attention 
 than our splendid looking park, with its 
 glorious growth of weeds and old oyster 
 cans and the fragrant orange peels? No, 
 fellow-citizens, some steps must be taken to 
 protect the pride of our town! Either have 
 a heavy insurance at war risks put upon it 
 at once, or else let the whole park be placed 
 on wheels or trucks, ready to be hauled over 
 the hills on the first sign of invasion. The 
 attention of the United States Government 
 should also be called as to the desirability ot 
 erecting a few batteries along Strawberry 
 Creek to prevent the light draft Spanish 
 gunboats from ascending and capturing the 
 Harmon Gym and Captain Kellner's tobacco 
 plants. It might also be well to call the at- 
 tention of the Town Trustees to the fact 
 that the Public Pound, located as it is down 
 on the bay shore, is not safe from^capture. 
 And they should also take steps to effect an 
 insurance on the Poundmaster's life. I would 
 also suggest that Officer Coey should be or^ 
 dered to mount guard over the Town Hall 
 night and day. With these precautions 
 taken I think we are safe. 
 
49 
 ADVICE TO A U. C. PROFESSOR 
 
 When I see a man digging a pit in which 
 he is liable to fall. into head first, I think it 
 my duty to warn him; to say, "Hold on, my 
 friend; be careful; look before you leap." I 
 am led to make these remaks on account of 
 the following item which I find in a San 
 Francisco paper: "At the meeting of the 
 association at 3:45 o'clock Professor John 
 Fryer will deliver an address on 'Two Thou- 
 sand Years of Mission. Work in China.' " 
 
 Now Professor Fryer is a stranger in 
 Berkeley, and when he goes to lecture on 
 his "Two Thousand Years of Mission Work 
 in China,'' someone in the audience will call a 
 halt and shout out unkind remarks. Now 
 Professor, take my advire and cut that down 
 to two hundred years. You will have just as 
 big a crowd, take just as much money in at 
 the door and people will shake hands with 
 you at the conclusion of the lecture without 
 winking and saying, "Sufferin' Moses, you'r 
 the boss for spinning a big yarn. You de- 
 serve the doughnut," and remarks of like 
 nature. 
 
 Professor, I talk from experience. When 
 I first came to beautiful Berkeley I explained 
 to the people how I had hauled General 
 Washington's baggage at Valley Forge and 
 to Mount Vernon. So far so good. People 
 looked on me with veneration and respect. 
 But I was not satisfied. Didn't know when 
 to stop. Like a foolish man, I laid claim to 
 
so 
 
 the fact that I was present when Columbus 
 landed at San Salvador on his first voyage. 
 Well, people were surprised somewhat. Said 
 I looked young for so old a man. But I 
 had no trouble spinning yarns about the old 
 hero, and when 1 used to tell about Columbus 
 and myself drinking gin-slings and eating 
 tamales on the beach at San Salvador, no 
 one doubted my word 
 
 Hut like a confounded fool, I wasn't even 
 yet satisfied. No, like an idiot, I volunteered 
 to give a lecture on "How Noah loaded the 
 animals on the ark with my assistance." 
 And like a darn fool I told too much. Peo- 
 ple didn't believe me. Said I wasn't born 
 when Noah built the ark, and that I never 
 saw mount Ararat and didn't believe I had 
 ever been aboard the ark — didn't believe I 
 had ever played "seven-up" with Shem, Ham 
 or Japhat. In fact {-"rofessor it was money 
 out of my pocket because I stretched the 
 thing too far. Take warning by me and cut 
 a few hundred (say five) years and the audi- 
 ence will swallow your yarn about "Mission 
 Work in China" and you will be glad that 
 you have taken my advice. 
 
 BOYD WANTS AN OFFICE. 
 
 I t;ee by the papers that our Town Board 
 has appointed the Health Officer as Milk 
 Inspector and also Inspector of Food. This 
 is quite right and meets with my approba- 
 
51 
 
 tion. Still, I think there should be another 
 inspector appointed to test the pureness of 
 one of the necessaries of life. I claim that 
 without delay there should be an inspector 
 of beer appointed. My advice to the Town 
 officialsis to create the office of beer in- 
 spector at once, at a salary of not less than 
 $ioo per month, and appoint some good 
 man to the office. My further advice is to 
 find some man, say some old resident, who 
 has been some years at sea and has drank 
 ''arf an arf," "Bass' Pale"and "Shandygaff' 
 in foreign parts so that he may be a com- 
 petent judge of the different brands of ale 
 and porter. 
 
 I would also advise the Board to pick out 
 some teamster or expressman, who is well 
 acquainted with our streets, lanes and alleys 
 and will know every drinking place in town. 
 I would also recommend that the appointee 
 be a tall, handsome man of distinguished 
 appearance. I know of but one man in 
 town who has all these requisities and would 
 fill the bill, but modesty forbids my mention- 
 ing him; but the first lettors of his name are, 
 John E. Boyd. 
 
 BOYD ON ANNEXATION. 
 
 I was greatly surprised late last evening 
 to receive the following telegram from Wash- 
 ington, D. C: 
 
 Hon. John E. Boyd — Dear Sir: What in 
 thunder are you opposing the annexation of 
 
5^ 
 
 the Hawaiian Islands for? Both the Cabi- 
 net and myself are dumfounded at your 
 contrariness. What office do you want? 
 Answer. McKinley. 
 
 Well, if they haven't got things mixed up 
 in Washington. Because I objected to 
 welcoming and annexing the village of Oak- 
 land to the city of Berkeley, they have the 
 idea that I am opposing the entrance of the 
 Sandwich Islands into our majestic Union. 
 
 No, no, Mac! Annex the islands if you 
 want to. Annex Queen Lily Clawhammer 
 if you want to, only don't mention my name 
 to the lady, as I don't want to lay myself 
 liable for a breach of promise suit. Go 
 ahead. Annex the Islands, annex Cuba, 
 annex Greece and Turkey if you want to; and, 
 by the way, you might (though I would not 
 advise it) annex Oakland to the United 
 States, as she is just dying to be annexed to 
 somebody. Let me know of any new moves, 
 as I can promise you the moral and financial 
 support of the "Berkeley World," our new- 
 born paper just kittened, and its worthy 
 editor. 
 
 BOYD IS DISGUSTED. 
 
 Well, if I ain't proud that I am an Ameri- 
 can, I'll be rammed, jammed and squeezed. 
 Of all the honors conferred on foreigners in 
 England, Americans seem to take the plat- 
 ter. Read yesterday's dispatches from Lon- 
 don which say: 'Tn addition, Queen Vic- 
 
S3 
 
 toria received Mrs. Reid most cordially, and 
 at the reception in the ball room she gave the 
 wife of the United States' special envoy her 
 hand to kiss." 
 
 Holy smoke! Just see what I lost. I fully 
 intended to get the Town Trustees to ap- 
 point me special envoy from Berkeley, and 
 then wouldn't the people from our fair town 
 have felt big, when they would probably read 
 in the accounts of the jubilee: "Great hon- 
 ors were paid to the Hon. John E. Boyd, and 
 he was shown every courtesy, and H. R. H, 
 the Prince of Wales, was so condescending 
 as to allow him to kiss his big toe." 
 ' What a proud moment it will be to the 
 children and grand children of Mrs. Reid to 
 say: ''My grandma attended the Queen's 
 jubilee in '97 at London, and Her Majesty 
 condescended to let grandma kiss her royal 
 hand. We are, of course sorry . to confess 
 that our ancessors fought in the wicked war 
 of the Revolution and espoused the cause 
 of the rebellious colonists, being led into 
 such wicked ways by that benighted sinner, 
 George Washington. Still, the (act that our 
 sainted grandma kissed the royal right hand 
 of Her Most Gracious Majesty will surely, in 
 a great degree, minimize our ancestor's sin." 
 I propose, Mr. Editor, instead of having a 
 Fourth of July celebration in Berkeley, we 
 have a Queen's jubilee whoop up, and invite 
 Mrs. Reid to be present, and let us gaze on 
 the sweet mouth^ that has kissed the hand of 
 royalty. 
 
 "God save the Queen." 
 
54 
 BEWARE OF SPIES. 
 
 It has always been a puz;zle to me why 
 the United States Government allowed the 
 most secret moves of the army or navy to 
 be published in the newspapers of the 
 country and become public news, so that any 
 Spanish spy could transmit to his govern- 
 ment and enable them to be thoroughly 
 posted on our movements. 
 
 That there are spies in our midst is with- 
 out question. Scarcely had the meeting in 
 American hall adjourned last night, (as I 
 am informed by a friend in Madrid), not 
 thirty-five minutes after adjournment — be-^ 
 fore a messenger from the telegraph office 
 dashed into the queen's private apartments 
 with the heart-rending news that the ''Roar- 
 ing Rangers of Grizzly Peak" had been 
 organized in Berkeley for the invasion of 
 fair Cuba. Her Majesty, who was eating a 
 hot tamale, exclaimed "Mon Dieu!" which, 
 being interpreted, means " Holy Moses," 
 while Premier Sagasta, who was also present,, 
 exclaimed in choicest Castilian, ''Tare an 
 Ouns, Milla Murther!" 
 
 Orders were sent to the Spanish Board of 
 Strategy to dispatch spies to Berkeley at 
 once and endeavor to discover who was likely 
 to be chosen captain of this band of dare- 
 devils, and also whether or not it would be 
 advisable to pass a mile-limit law in Cuba 
 in case of invasion by these ferocious war- 
 riors, so as to force, them to retreat to Tem- 
 
55 
 
 escal to get their supplies of provisions. 
 
 Now, some means should be taken by the 
 Government to keep seci^et such important 
 movements as were arranged last night, and 
 while I have no wish to throw suspicion on 
 any one I was surprised to see ihat a well- 
 known expressman who acknowledges that 
 he is very fond of ^'beefsteak Spanish" and 
 also smokes strong vSpanish cigars — when 
 some one else pays for them — was present. 
 
 A HORRIBLE IDEA. 
 
 I see that the editor of the West Berkeley 
 daily will award a two-weeks' outing to the 
 teacher getting the most votes from the 
 children, and a ladies' hat to the next most 
 popular. Now the two-weeks' outing with 
 board paid is all right, but when it comes to 
 a hat from the millinery store for the next 
 most popular teacher, and as votes show 
 that Prof. Waterman is likely to win, I 
 protest. 
 
 It looks to me as if it were a put-up job 
 to hurt the School Bonds. Just fancy Prof. 
 Waterman coming into school with a ladies' 
 hat wreathed with flowers on the starboard 
 bow and a long pennant of ribbon hanging 
 over the quarter deck. Just consider how 
 much valuable time he would lose stopping 
 to ask the scholars 'Is my hat on straight?" 
 Fancy the boys marching into school sing- 
 ing, ''Where did you get that hat?" Im- 
 
56 
 
 agine tlie professor meeting a lady friend in 
 the street and making a bow. How awk- 
 ward! First he has got to remove his hat 
 pin; then he is likely to muss the ribbons 
 all np (men are so clumsy you know.) Or 
 suppose that paper in its generosity should 
 award a third hat, and that Professor War- 
 nick should win the extra hat. Is there no 
 fear that the two might meet at the Town 
 Hall during the session of the School Board? 
 and instead of talking school matters should 
 commence argument regarding the latest 
 style of hats, and wind up b}^ Prof. Warnick 
 shouting out right before the School Board, 
 "Oh! you mean thing, I'll tell my wife just 
 what you said about my hat being last year's 
 style, and that you said the ribbons were 
 dyed; so there, you mean, jealous old thing. 
 Thank goodness I don't have to wear a veil 
 to hide my bald head like some persons." 
 Why the thought is terrifying, Mr. Editor, 
 and should be brought to the attention of 
 the Committee on Public Morals. 
 
 A DRY TIME. 
 
 And it came to pass in these days that 
 the men who were carriers of goods did 
 murmur and say one to another: "What 
 manner of rulers have we that they will not 
 place a watering trough in our city where 
 our beasts of burden may slack their thirst." 
 And there arose a certain man whose name 
 
57 
 
 was Boyd, surnamed John, and did say unto 
 the multitude: ''Have ye no sand? fear 
 not to demand that our rulers do place a 
 watering trough near the station called 
 Berkeley, that our old crowbaits may refresh 
 themselves with the water from the foot- 
 hills, for verily I say unto you, though our 
 rulers and wise men have proclaimed that 
 we shall have no five-cent beer joints in the 
 sacred soil of East Berkeley, let us hope 
 that their hearts may be moved with com- 
 passion and that they may grant our wish." 
 And the multitude did say with a loud voice, 
 "Good for you;" which pleased him greatly 
 and he did speak unto them saying: ''Be- 
 hold men of Berkeley, I will hie myself to 
 the Chief Counselor, (for lo and behold he 
 had much silver and gold, and was a hard- 
 money man) and will say unto him, I pray 
 thee give us water for our beasts of burden 
 lest they perish by the wayside." 
 
 But lo! and behold, when he did appear 
 before the wise men of Berkeley and stated 
 the wishes of the multitude, the wise men 
 smote their bosoms and did exclaim, "Holy 
 Moses! thou fool, dost thou not know that 
 the Town Counselors have paid unto the 
 tribes known as the Alameda Water Co. 
 and the Contra Costa Water Co., sums of 
 coin; and we are afraid that the tax-payers 
 will arise in their might and say, "Begone 
 you useless servants, you have wasted our 
 sheckels of gold and sheckels of silver, and 
 your name is mud." 
 
5S 
 
 But the messenger again did say in a 
 loud voice, "Oh, wise men of Berkeley give 
 VIS a watering trough lest our beasts perish 
 with thirst." But the Chief Ruler said, 
 ^'vSilence, thou fool, dost thou not know that 
 there is withdrawn from the treasury nearly 
 one thousand dollars each and every month 
 to pay the officers of our city, and now the 
 wise men have also decided to put the 
 Poundmaster on the salary list? How then 
 think you that we can have our minds dis- 
 turbed by your silly talk about a watering 
 trough — go to, and water your beasts when 
 it rains." 
 
 And the messenger did hie himself down 
 to the saloons at the West End and got 
 ^'high" and did cry out in a loud voice, 
 "Thousands for salaries, but not one piece 
 of silver for watering troughs." 
 
 BOYD ACTS AS JUROR. 
 
 I had the honor of receiving a very good 
 appointment on Saturday morning last. I 
 was selected for the high honor of sitting 
 on a cow case as a juror. My family did 
 not seem to appreciate my exalted "position 
 when I announced my appointment. But 
 never mind, I was there, determined to do 
 my duty if every cow in the country was 
 arrested There was a dozen or twenty 
 other citizens summoned as jurors, but alas, 
 some got the G, B, I, however, was lucky 
 
59 
 
 enough to be retained as one of the jurors, 
 Mr. Graber (lawyer for the defense,) de» 
 sired to know if I knew the difference be- 
 tween a cow and an elephant, while Mr, 
 Hayne (lawyer for the prosecution,) asked 
 me how old ray grandmother was when she 
 had the mumps, and whether she ever 
 worked in a condensed milk factory; and 
 my answers being satisfactory, I was allowed 
 to remain, and the case proceeded. 
 
 Mr. -Hayne read the law in the case made 
 and provided, which says that no person or 
 corporation shall keep more than two cows 
 to each acre of land they possess or control. 
 Now, iVlr. Scrugenhamer (the defendant), 
 proved that he had the necessary amount 
 of land, but as he had neglected to have the 
 animals shingled, and as they had lost their 
 umbrellas while out in the afternoon, he 
 was forced to put the four animals in a 
 small stable over night, and as the said sta- 
 ble did not cover two acres of ground, he 
 had been arrested by the whole of the de- 
 tective force of East Berkeley (his name is 
 Sam Coey), and was brought to the bar of 
 justice. His lawyer proved that the ani- 
 mals had been on the required two acres 
 all day, and pleaded that as it was a cold 
 night he had put the cows in the stable, (said 
 stable not covering two acres of groiind) for 
 humanity's sake (and the brute left the 
 pump out doors to freeze). Well, the case 
 was submitted to the jury, (there were seven 
 on the panel), and six bigger ignoramuses I 
 
6o 
 
 never wavS associated with, for on tlie first 
 ballot tlie whole six voted "not gnilty." As 
 I could not prevail on them to view the case 
 as I did, and as I expected some trunks on 
 the noon train I changed my vote to "not 
 guilty," and the fiendish monster was dis- 
 charged — and I caught the trunks. 
 
 A U. C. BOY OF '78. 
 
 I had the honor of handHng the luggage 
 of my old friend Charley B. last evening 
 when he took the overland train for South 
 Africa, via. London. I see by the Gazette 
 that he gave a lecture or two at the Univer- 
 sity of California a few days ago. How time 
 changes men and things. When I first knew 
 Charley B. he was a student, living in a Stu- 
 dents' Club in No. 4 Cottage, University 
 Grounds. He was a gay boy then and full 
 of — well, I won't say what, because when he 
 went away he said he would be back in a 
 year, and I want to catch those trunks again. 
 But I wonder whether he mentioned in his 
 lecture how he and his clubmates corraled 
 Professor — 's muley cow and fenced her in 
 with a load of baled hay on the back steps of 
 the South Hall? Did he explain the myste- 
 rious disappearance of the bell that twenty 
 years ago used to hang in a small tower in 
 the rear of the old Berkeley Farm house 
 (now the Colonial House?) Does he re- 
 
6i 
 
 member the time that he and a fellow stu- 
 dent, named Booth, gave me an order to buy 
 the biggest squash I could find in San Fran- 
 cisco and had me place it on Professor 's 
 
 desk, labeled *'Two o( a kind." 
 
 How about the morning, Charley, that you 
 and Thorne found the body of a man in the 
 water of Strawberry creek, and how after 
 collecting a crowd of professors, students and 
 janitors, how gravely Thorne asserted that 
 there was a heavy penalty for touching a 
 dead body until the coroner came, and when 
 at last the coroner came and when the body 
 was drawn up and the discovery made that 
 it was only an old suit of clothes with a 
 mask on and stuffed with straw, how iimo- 
 cent you looked Charley, and when the cor- 
 oner declared that he had come all the way 
 from Oakland on a fool's errand how you 
 sympathized with him and declared it a 
 shame. I won't say a word about the order 
 you put in my box to bring you a dozen 
 second-hand post holes from San Francisco, 
 or about the time some person (name un- 
 known,) painted your class number on my 
 old bay horse. Ah! those were happy days 
 Charley, and I hope all your days may be as 
 pleasant. I sincerely hope you will have a 
 prosperous journey to Africa, and that when 
 you return in a year hence you will bring 
 back one or two million dollars and a wagon 
 load of trunks and that you will not forget 
 your old friend. 
 
62 
 BOYD VISITS NEVADA CITY. 
 
 The undersigned returned home Friday, 
 from the Grand Army Encampment, after 
 an absence of five days; and in what con- 
 dition did I find things? Shattuck avenue 
 all torn up; weeds growing in our beautiful 
 park; a prominent business man ran away 
 and left his wife, and all wrong generally. 
 
 The Encampment was a great success 
 and no people could have done more to 
 make their visitors happy and welcome than 
 those of Nevada City. Of course there were 
 grumblers. One Oakland comrade growled 
 because the air was too clear. Nevada City 
 is a typical mining camp. The monthly 
 pay-roll is about $80,000 and as there is no 
 other town near, the money is all spent 
 there. 
 
 We visited the mines and on the way out 
 I made up my mind to dig up a bucket full 
 of gold and send it home; but when I 
 thought of what the freight bill would be, I 
 gave up the idea and contented myself with 
 getting some samples of petrified wood for 
 self and friends. This petrification is found 
 150 and 200 feet below the surface and is 
 supposed to have lain there for untold ages. 
 
 The manager of the Monarch mine showed 
 us gold bricks worth from $3 to $15,000. He 
 made no objection to our handling them, 
 but when I politely requested the gentleman 
 to let me take one home for a week to show 
 
63 
 
 tile children, he demurred, and when I 
 urged the matter he said: 
 
 ''Not much, Mary Ann; we know you. 
 You are the man who robbed the train at 
 
 B Station some years ago. You were 
 
 mixed up with the Dr. Brown and Mattie 
 Overman case, and you lately attempred to 
 elope with Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup. 
 You had better get home." 
 
 I should have remained another day had 
 not the war news alarmed me. I felt that 
 President McKinley needed a trustworth}^ 
 person in whom he could place implicit con- 
 fidence; so I left. 
 
 The landlord where I stopped missed 
 several pieces of silverware and some spoons 
 the morning I left and I have not heard 
 whether he recovered them, but I think not. 
 
 The journey home was pleasant and the 
 only trouble I had was in the extortion of 
 the railroad company in charging over- 
 weight on my valise; they said it was twice 
 as heavy on my return as when I started. 
 
 EAVESDROPPER AT A MEETING 
 
 Hearing the other day that the young la- 
 dies of the Berkeley High school would hold 
 a war meeting after school adjourned, and 
 knowing that people would be interested in 
 reading a report of the proceedings, I made 
 bold to glue my ear to the keyhole nnd so 
 am enabled to present a full report thereof 
 
64 
 
 Miss who was elected chairman by 
 
 acclamation at once stated the object of the 
 meeting, which was to approve of the action 
 of the President and Congress in regard to 
 the present crisis, and in case of a war with 
 Spain if the ladies thought best, they would 
 organize themselves into a regiment for the 
 invasion of Cuba. 
 
 Miss -, begged to ask whether the 
 
 Cubans were good looking. 
 
 The chairman warned the ladies present 
 that as loyal citizens of the United States it 
 was their duty to strike fierce blows at the 
 enemy in battle, regardless of youth or 
 beauty. 
 
 Miss 1 w^ould like to ask the chair- 
 man whether it would not be a good idea to 
 kill all the old ones and take the young and 
 good looking ones prisoners of war. 
 
 .Miss wished to ask whether it was 
 
 true that the young Cubans always carried 
 a guitar and sang love songs. 
 
 The chairman could not answer the 
 question. 
 
 Miss made a motion that they proceed 
 
 to organize a regiment to be officered by one 
 colonel, one major, ten captains, twenty first 
 and second lieutenants, and that thfe colonel 
 be authorized to appoint the non-com- 
 missioned officers. 
 
 Miss inquired whether they might 
 
 not expect to wear bloo — 
 
 Cries of 'Order!" "Order!" "Shame!" 
 
 Miss inquired where Cuba was situ- 
 
65 
 
 ated and what were its natural advantages. 
 
 Chairman (reading from geography) — 
 Cuba is a large island belonging to the 
 Spanish crown, situated in the gulf of 
 Mexico. Its principal productions are 
 sugar-cane and tobacco. The island is free 
 from animals with the exception of a small 
 pest known as field-mice, which overrun the 
 island in countless droves. 
 
 As this alarming intelligence was read 
 several ladies shrieked with terror, while 
 one petite blonde fainted. 
 
 Miss — arose to ask whether the war was 
 to free Cuba from the Spaniards or the 
 mice. 
 
 Miss — offered the following resolution : 
 
 "Resolved, That we, the young ladies of 
 the- Berkeley High School, feel deeply 
 grieved at the Spainful news that our belov- 
 ed country is about to declare war. 
 
 "That we support the constitution of the 
 United States, also President McKinley and 
 all the good looking members of his cabi- 
 net. 
 
 "That we hereby agree to defend the 
 heights of Grizzly Peak against all enemies, 
 on condition that we are allowed to hold a 
 picnic there every moonlight night." 
 
 Carried unanimousl}^ and meeting ad- 
 journed, subject to the call of the Chair — and 
 I scooted. 
 
66 
 
 LORIN'S STREETS. 
 
 I went down to Lorin yesterday and was 
 greatly pleased with its beautiful streets ma- 
 cadamized with mud. I was sent to Trustee 
 
 house to get some furniture, by a young 
 
 man who met me and who had an angel on 
 his starboard arm and whom he called dear, 
 and she called him love. Neither one called 
 me love, when I got back, covered with Al- 
 catraz avenue mud, although I was a lovely 
 sight. I inquired of the groceryman at the 
 corner of Shattuck and Alcatraz avenue and 
 he advised me to take a pilot and to keep the 
 deep sea lead going. I asked him if Alcatraz 
 avenue was so bad, and he said that it was in 
 pretty good condition in summer, and for fear 
 that it would be passable through the winter, 
 the Trustees had ordered a sewer laid so that 
 teamsters would get stuck and swear. How- 
 ever, I went on and as I could see the tips of 
 the horses ears sticking out of the mud, I 
 had no trouble in guiding him. About half 
 a block down I met a teamster with a der- 
 rick. He said he had lost a horse, wagon and 
 a quarter ton of coal in a hole just below us, 
 and asked me to help him. After an hour's 
 work we got him out and a gentleman stand- 
 ing near got an old real estate sign and a 
 marking pot and told me to put an inscrip- 
 tion on it to warn teamsters. I did so, marked 
 it and stuck it up, and as the sign reads, 
 "This is Hell," I hope teamsters and town 
 
67 
 
 officials will keep away. I journeyed on 
 and at lenth reached the Trustee's house, got 
 my load and returned. Up near the post- 
 office I saw an old bulletin board, lettered, 
 .''Public notice, city of Berkeley." I procured 
 a piece of chalk and wrote: Ordinance No. 
 41,444 — It is hereby ordered that the name 
 of this street be changed from Alcatraz ave- 
 nue to mud lane, and that the teamsters who 
 get stuck shall not cuss the Trustees out 
 loud. This ordinance shall take effect im- 
 mediately. I met Dr. Rowell down there 
 and inquired: ''How is business, Doc..'^" He 
 replied, "bully," and informed me that he had 
 just been appointed Deputy Coroner for 
 Lorin, and as from^ four to six men were 
 drowned every night in the mud-holes, he was 
 doing a very fair business holding inquests. 
 He said the inquests were just a formality, as 
 the verdict was always the same. That the 
 deceased came to his death by trying to walk 
 through the streets of Lorin after dark. The 
 Doctor very kindly said that if I would come 
 down some night and take a walk through 
 Lorin that he would give me a first-class in- 
 quest and mention my many virtues to the 
 jury, for which I returned him my sincere 
 thanks. 
 
 A BERKELEYAN ABROAD. 
 
 A young Englishman, now and for some 
 years past a resident of Berkeley, took a 
 
68 
 
 vacation a short time ago, and, having a little 
 ready money, decided to visit the home of 
 his childhood in Great Britain. After a 
 pleasant passage across the dark blue sea, he 
 reached the village where he was born, and, 
 having plenty of ready cash, and also being 
 (as the villagers considered it) a great travel- 
 er, and coming from far-famed California, 
 the land of gold, he was quite a hero, and all 
 went merry as a marriage bell for some time, 
 but finally cash ran short and the young man 
 was forced to look around for some employ- 
 ment to recruit his finances. -Luck threw a 
 very good situation in his way and he ap- 
 plied for the position His application was 
 favorably received, but he was informed that 
 he must have a recommendation from his 
 last employer. 
 
 "Where did you work last?" was asked. 
 "Well," replied the young man, "I have 
 just returned from California, where I 
 
 worked for Mr. B and Judge L ." 
 
 "What," exclaimed his would-be employer, 
 "was you hactually hin the service of ha 
 Judge?" 
 
 "Yes," replied our hero, "I was in his ser- 
 vice about eight months." (But he didn't 
 tell him that he spent his time digging post- 
 holes, whitewashing fences, etc.) 
 
 "Well/' replied the gentleman, "you know, 
 hof course, that hi could not think of liem- 
 ploying ha servant without ha good recom- 
 mendation, but hif you can get ha letter from 
 such ha distinguished person has this Hamer- 
 
69 
 
 ican Judge, hi shall be glad to hemploy you." 
 "Very good," said the young man, "I will 
 write to Judge i.. — and ask him for a recom- 
 mendation." He did so, at the same time 
 explaining the situation and the joke, and 
 also intimating that in England judges were 
 considered "some punkins," and to please 
 put on some style in the answer. Now, it 
 happened that the Judge was busy hoeing 
 his potatoes, and knowing that no one was 
 more competent to write a suitable reply 
 than Boyd, gave him the letter to answer. 
 The following letter was sent to the English 
 employer: 
 
 GRIZZI.Y Peak Pai^ace, July lo, '95. 
 
 Dear Sir: In reply to your letter of inquiry concern- 
 ing James I beg to say that he is a perfect Jo Dandy . 
 
 His honesty is unquestioned, as we have on several occa- 
 sions been forced to send him a long distance with wagon - 
 
 loads of gold freshly dug from Judge L 's mine. We 
 
 take great pleasure in bearing witness to his faithfulness 
 while in his lordship, the Judge's service. His royal high- 
 ness the Judge would have answered your polite letter in 
 person, but he was called away to join a hunting party who 
 was going over to hunt bear and mountain lion on Wildcat 
 Cre-ek. His last words as he passed the outer wall of the 
 
 castle were: "Oh, that James were here, I should 
 
 feel safer." I beg to remain your most obedient servant, 
 
 John E. Boyd. 
 Private Secretary to the Right Hon. Chief Justice L . 
 
 Jim got the situation. 
 
 U. C. TOBACCO GARDEN. 
 
 I read in the daily papers that there is 
 considerable opposition and talk about the 
 raising of a few stalks of tobacco at the 
 U. of C. gardens. That several ministers of 
 
70 
 
 the gospel have expressed their opinion that 
 nothing should be grown there that is hurt- 
 ful to mankind, I quite agree with them. 
 But why stop at tobacco? True, I have 
 such a hatred to tobacco that I have been 
 doing my level best to burn it up for the last 
 thirty years, and I flatter myself I have re- 
 duced to ashes a large quantity of the filthy 
 weed. But is the U. of C. not growing 
 other plants which are destructive to man- 
 kind ? On one of the plateaus of the 
 grounds you will find a large field of hemp. 
 
 Now what is more destructive to a great 
 many men than hemp! My second cousin's 
 aunt had a boy, a promising young lad of 
 2^'^ summers, who emigrated to Texas a few 
 years ago. He was afflicted with kleptoma- 
 nia; in fact, he would steal anything he 
 could lay his hands on through this terrible 
 affliction. His friends sent him to Texas, 
 hoping the climate might effect a cure. One 
 fine morning he was taken with a sudden 
 attack of klep. and vamoosed the ranch with 
 one of the rancher's best mares. He was 
 pursued, taken prisoner and died by having 
 one end of a piece of hemp tied around his 
 neck and the other end to the limb of a tree. 
 And still our college will encourage the rais- 
 ing of the accursed hemp. 
 
 Go to San Quentin or Folsom, friends, 
 and ask the prisoners what they have the 
 greatest dread of The answer is hemp. 
 Ask the Warden what has caused the death 
 of many a man. He will answer hemp. 
 
71 
 
 Then why blame Captain Kellner for raising 
 tobacco, and not a word said about the 
 destructive hemp. 
 
 HE FEELS BETTER NOW. 
 
 I wish to thank the people of Berkeley for 
 the kind manner in whidh they sympathized 
 with me during my late sickness. 1 also 
 wish to return my sincere thanks to the 4643 
 friends who so kindly sent me 4643 receipts 
 for rheumatism, and beg to say that I tried 
 4642 of the remedies. One of my friends 
 sent me word that when he was laid up with 
 the rheumatism, so that he could hardly move 
 hand or foot, he got rolling, blind drunk, and 
 when he got sober the rheumatism had left him. 
 I did not try this remedy, partly on account 
 of the expense, partly on account of the mile 
 limit and partly on account of not wishing to 
 set a bad example to the other expressmen 
 at Berkeley station who look upon me as a 
 shining light. But of all the other prescrip- 
 tions I took a dose, and as they did not do 
 me any good I mixed the 4642 remedies into 
 one demijohn and took the whole, but of no 
 avail and the rheumatism sticketh closer to 
 my starboard leg than a brother. 
 
 I was much pleased to hear that the mem- 
 bers of Lookout Mountain Post No. 88, 
 G. A. R., had passed resolutions of respect 
 to my memory, and had decided to attend 
 the funeral in a body. I felt pleased and 
 
72 
 
 did not wish to disappoint them, but when ] 
 sent up to an undertaking firm on Center 
 street for a price Hst and with profound 
 astonishment saw what it would cost me to 
 engage a black hearse, six white mules and a 
 nigger driver, I concluded to remain in 
 beautiful Berkeley a while longer, hoping 
 that times would , improve and that there 
 would not always be sixteen expressmen to 
 one trunk at Berkeley station. 
 
 BOYD FEELS LIKK SWliARING. 
 
 I read an article in one of the San Fran- 
 cisco papers that I think is a — well, I wont 
 have any swear words in, so I will say it is a 
 confounded piece of impudence. It appears 
 that one of the royal princes of Europe has 
 arrived at marriageable age. His title is 
 Prince of Teck. He is as poor as a Berkeley 
 expressman, and it has been planned to have 
 him marry Queen Willemena of Holland, and 
 then if she refuses to hive him, he is to be 
 allowed to seek the hand of Miss Anna Goe- 
 let, a young lady of New York City. Well — 
 there I was just starting to swear again — 
 blast his impudence! \{ he can't 'get this 
 Dutch queen he will condescend to take this 
 American girl and her wealth, $io,oor>,ooo 
 thrown in. I hope and trust that this young 
 lady. Miss Anna Goelet, will have him kicked 
 down stairs the first time he has the audacity 
 to present himself at the house. Just fancy, 
 
n 
 
 what a reception a young man would receive 
 who would present himself at any American 
 home and say to the head of the house: "1 
 have made proposals for the hand of Miss 
 — , and if she refuses me I should like 
 your consent to marry your daughter," If 
 that parent didn't kick him down stairs he 
 was a fool, and if he did, and broke the fel- 
 low's neck, I would endeavor to get on the 
 jury and render a verdict of justifiable 
 homicide. Oh, Miss Anna Goelet, don't let 
 this Prince of Teck make a hand-me-down 
 wife of you Every paper which speaks of 
 this affair claims that it is not you but your 
 ten million of good American dollars that 
 he is in love with. 
 
 Extracts from English papers remark 
 that Miss Goelet has no ancestry to recom- 
 mend her, or in other words, she is not de- 
 scended from any pirates of the 17th cen- 
 tury, nor some of the harlots of Charles the 
 First's age. No aristocrat of Europe, she 
 bears the proudest title on earth — a true- 
 hearted, full-blooded American girl, and 
 that she will spurn with the contempt they 
 deserve, the advances of any Dutch Prince, 
 who is hunting for American dollars. 
 
 Let Miss Goelet read the following ex- 
 tract from the London "Times" and see 
 how they view the alliance "over the Pond." 
 
 "Ten millions in her own right! No 
 wonder England's Queen, who has ever 
 been canny in financial matters, is thinking 
 of over-looking the bourgeois origin of the 
 
74 
 
 heiress of Ogden Goelet and engaging her 
 hand in marriage to Alexander, Prince of 
 Teck. For the fortunesof the honse ofTeck, 
 now so closely bound to the reigning house 
 of England, must be rehabilitated. While 
 not as poor as church mice, the poverty of 
 the Teck princes is a by-word in Europe." 
 
 A BASE SLANDER. 
 
 Happening to drop into the Town Hall 
 the other day to leave some orders as to how 
 the town government should be run, and to 
 make some changes in a proposed ordi- 
 nance, I was surprised and indignant on 
 picking up a card which read as follows : 
 "Branch of the Lion Dye Works where the 
 Royal Family have their d3nng and clean- 
 ing done." 
 
 Now dear public this is not only a base 
 slander, but it is a pure imposition. I (put 
 that capital I ) have mingled long enough 
 with the royal and aristocratic circles of 
 Europe to know what I am talking about. 
 Neither the Prince nor Princess of Wales 
 have any article dyed, not even their mus- 
 taches nor character. 
 
 I know in fact that my friend, the Prince 
 of Wales, despises a man who is so mean as 
 to get his clothing dyed or to pick up cigar 
 stumps in the street, for he told me so, and 
 I also know that the Queen of England has 
 a beautiful head of hair (all her own too, for 
 I was with her when she bought it) which 
 
75 
 
 she never thinks of getting dyed and of 
 which she is very particular. 
 
 J3ut I think I have said enough to con- 
 tradict this scandalous assertion — but one 
 more remark before I close. I was talking 
 to Town Clerk Hanscom the other day and 
 he inquired what color I desired the license 
 blanks and I told him that I was going to 
 have them "Blue and Gold,'' and left orders 
 to that effect, but on no account will this 
 branch of the Lion Dye Works get the job. 
 
 A BKRKELEYITFi'S EXPERIENCE. 
 
 Being called away on business I was 
 forced to leave our fair town to take care 
 of itself all day Tuesday, but on my return 
 was much pleased to find Berkeley in the 
 same place and everything moving along 
 smoothly, for which I must return arising 
 vote of thanks to Marshal Lloyd and the 
 Town Board. 
 
 I journeyed to Santa Rosa on what they 
 called the accommodation train. It is so 
 called because it stops anywhere along the 
 road, and accommodates the people by wait- 
 ing for freight until they are ready to send 
 it. For instance, a lady brought down a 
 box with nine dozen and eleven eggs in it, 
 and when she mentioned to the conductor 
 that she would like to send a full ten dozen, 
 the obliging conductor agreed to wait until 
 the hen laid another egg. Another time a 
 
76 
 
 man wished to send a few cans of milk up 
 the road, and we had to wait until the cows 
 were milked. A^ain, a lady wished to send 
 some clothes to her son, and the train was 
 delayed 35 minutes, while she finished darn- 
 ing a pair of socks. But it was on the home- 
 ward journey that I was dumfounded. I 
 asked for a ticket to Berkeley, and the poor, 
 ignorant conductor couldn't sell me one, and 
 with a shame-faced look confessed that he 
 had never heard of tlie place. 
 
 "What!" said I, "never heard of Berke- 
 ley, the home of learning, and Frank Con- 
 nely, and Boyd's Express? The abiding 
 place of Louis Gottshall and Fred Fonzo? 
 The spot where dwell such noble men as 
 George Lowe, Rod Cameron, Chas. 
 Kearns and Doc Jessupp? The Athens of 
 the Pacific Coast?'' The poor, broken- 
 hearted fellow shed tears, and afier giving 
 him my blessing and one of my fly-cards, I 
 left him and walked to Berkeley, beating 
 the train one hour and 27 minutes. 
 
 HIS FACE IS HIS FORTUNE. 
 
 In speaking of your humble servant in the 
 Board or Town Trustees please draw it mild. 
 Go as light as you possibly can. You don't 
 know what a peculiar position you are liable 
 to place me in. One day last week you 
 Trustees said: 
 
 "Among our prominent citizens none stand 
 
n 
 
 higher In our town than Mr. John E. Boyd. 
 Young, handsome and talented, he is not only 
 a favorite among our business men but a pet 
 with the fair sex." 
 
 iSFow, Mr. Trustee, why in the world didn't 
 you add that I was a married man and the 
 father of six children ? Then I wouldn't be 
 sailing under false pretenses as I am at pres- 
 ent. Read the followinor letter which I 
 received by the last mail: 
 
 Leap Year, March lo. 
 
 Dear Mr. Boyd: — Although a perfect stranger to you 
 I have read such good accounts of you in the I^erkeley Ad- 
 vocate that I thought I would write you a few lines. This 
 is a beautiful year for leap year and everything looks charm- 
 ing, and I just thought that if you could pay me a visit down 
 here how you would enjoy yourself, and it being leap year 
 what nice times we could have. My period for wearing 
 mourning will expire on the 6th of next month and (it being 
 leap year) I have concluded to wear lighter colors, and I 
 hope you will accept my invitation and visit vme and will 
 try to make you welcome. I shall not of course, consent or 
 expect to receive one cent of your board while here, but 
 shall try and make you enjoy your leap year visit to my 
 island home. QueEN LiIvIKANlai^a. 
 
 N. B. I forgot to mention that this is leap year. L. 
 
 Now, Mr. Trustee, I see but one way out 
 of this scrape that you have got me into. I 
 shall send Fred Gillett down in my place, as 
 he is very near as handsome as I am and a 
 single man. 
 
 PHILOSOPHY AS VIEWED BY BOYD. 
 
 I find the following announcement in yes- 
 terday's papers : 
 
 "Next week, Friday, the Philosophical 
 
78 
 
 Union holds its regular meeting. The ques- 
 tion for the evi-ning is : ' The shortand easy 
 method of Hegel and Dr. Harris with the 
 difficulties oi Ag:iosticism, especially in the 
 Kantian form and basis of them; whether it 
 is \alid (inal.' The discussion will be opened 
 by S. M. Augustine. E. B. McGilvary will 
 also participate." 
 
 Next Iriday night — well, I'll be there, If I 
 can only keep sober. I wonder which side 
 will carry the question, Hegel or Dr. Harris. 
 I wonder whether the Kantian form is any- 
 thing like the Can-Can and whether Agnos 
 Whats-his-name will do the act. 
 
 These meetings are always inteiestingand 
 should be largely attended. I attended one 
 about three weeks ago, and was well pleased. 
 The question was, "Whether the Highro- 
 garaa is elevated or placed on a lower plane 
 than the Skadinkdidum when the Largenin 
 overtops the minacure of the Solajam." Prof. 
 Fred Gillett took the affirmative side of the 
 question and Mr. Shad Hogpergrass of Crow 
 Valley the negative. The discussion was 
 won by Prof. G. and Mr. Hogpergrass took 
 his defeat good-naturedly and treated the 
 audience to 25 cents worth of steam beer. 
 I will close by saying that che lecture was 
 good and so was the beer. 
 
 A YOUTHFUL FIREBUG. 
 
 A good little boy who lives near Miss 
 Head's school went out yesterday morning 
 
79 
 
 to amuse himself in childish sport. After 
 playing awhile the brilliant idea entered his 
 little brain that it would be the height of 
 enjoyment to have a bonfire. Gathering a 
 sufficient quantity of dry leaves, sticks, etc., 
 he soon had a brilliant blaze. Suddenly a 
 bright thought struck his little cranium and 
 he started for his happy home. Now it hap- 
 pened that a young lady, living near, seeing 
 the fire, and thinking it might start the dry 
 grass in the field and thus cause some dam- 
 age, went over to extinguish it. As she ap- 
 proached the fire she saw the little boy ap- 
 proaching with a watering can and she said 
 to herself what a dear sweet boy and how 
 thoughtful. As the lady reached the fire she 
 said: "My dear little boy, you are going to 
 sprinkle the water around so that the grass 
 will not catch fire, are you.^^" "Water be 
 hanged," said the young innocent, "I've got 
 this watering can full of coal-oil and I am 
 going to have some fun, just watch it," and 
 as he sprinkled a few drops on the fire, the 
 lady hurriedly withdrew a few paces. The 
 gay young innocent laughed in childish glee 
 at the lady's fear. Again he approached the 
 fire to give it another baptism, but stumbled, 
 and as the oil fell on the fire and on the 
 youthful hero's person, his clothing ignited, 
 and but for the prompt action of the young 
 lady, who is as beautiful as she is tender 
 hearted, gallantly grasped the sweet angel 
 and with the aid of her shawl extinguished 
 the fire on the boy's clothing. 
 
8o 
 
 After assuring- herself that all danger was 
 past, she inquired of the yoLUii^^ firebug, 
 "Where did you get the coal oil?" "My 
 dear, good ma gave it to me," replied the 
 youthful Ananius. ''What a dear, good, 
 kind mother you must have," said the )oung 
 lady. "The next time you build a bonfire, 
 just tell her to furrish you with a couple of 
 pounds of powder, so that you may have 
 some sport and become a real angel with a 
 pair of golden wings. Now, run home, and 
 next time you have a bonfire let us know, and 
 we will have the fire boys up here with their 
 hose cart to see the fun.'' 
 
 BOCKMAN'S OLD CORNhZR. 
 
 Speaking to a student the other day I 
 mentioned "Bockman's corner as near the 
 place I had reference to. To my surprise 
 he asked me where "Bockman's corner was, 
 and I answered him by inquiring, "How 
 long have yon been attending the l". C.?'' 
 When he answered fonr years, I was pu/zled 
 at first, but hapi)ened to remember that 
 time flew, that Bockman's resort was burned 
 down about twelve years ago, and that I was 
 getting to be an old man, I was not 'so much 
 surprised that he did not know where 
 "Bockman's corner" was. 
 
 Ask any of the old U. C. boys of '72 to '84 
 where "Bockman's corner" was. They all 
 knew. Ask them where their favorite place 
 
8i 
 
 for drinking Bookman's beer was, and they 
 will tell you the choice lounging place was 
 up in the old oak tree (since cut down) in the 
 top of which Bocknian had a platform 
 erected on which were placed tables and 
 chairs and reached by a pair of stairs. 
 
 Oh what gay times the students had up 
 in the old tree ! No Freshman was ever 
 allowed to ascend the stairs. If they wanted 
 a gla^s of beer the}^ could get it in the 
 saloon in the building, but to desecrate that 
 tree with their Freshman footsteps — no, 
 never ! 
 
 Only once did ever Freshmen set foot up 
 that sacred tree, and that was, I think, along 
 in '75 when Jerry Lincoln, ^-jS, and a few 
 of his friends got me to enact the part of a 
 burglar just captured as I was trying to 
 break into South Hall. I was taken over 
 to ''Bockman's tree" and four green little 
 Freshies (each armed with a carbine) de- 
 tailed to guard me after being assured that 
 it was part of their duties to guard all U. C. 
 prisoners. I sat at the table wdth a pipe 
 and mug of beer while the four Freshies 
 were directed to walk sentr}^, one on each 
 of the four sides, while I (as had been 
 agreed upon) opened a roll of blankets, 
 rolled myself up and went to sleep. 
 
 A few minutes after, Bradford, '84, and 
 Wheeler of the same class, came up and 
 said to the sentries: "Go down and get 
 some supper in the restaurant (Bockman's) 
 and we will stay while you eat ; it is all 
 
82 
 
 paid for, don't be long." As soon as the 
 Fresh ies went away I got up and we fixed, 
 the blankets to appear as if I was still there,, 
 and slipping down stairs I went home. 
 
 The poor Freshies walked sentry until 
 about one o'clock in the morning when one 
 of them happened to stumble over the sup- 
 posed sleeping man and disturbing the blan- 
 kets they saw the chunks of wood. They 
 smelt a rat and went home. I don't want 
 to tell tales out of school, so I will not say 
 whether our present Town Engineer had 
 anything to do with this job or not. 
 
 A WRONG IDEA. 
 
 I find the following item going the rounds 
 of the public press which I hope you will 
 contradict : 
 
 ''The Duchess of Edinburg, now the Duch- 
 ess of Saxe Coburg-Gotha, only daughter of 
 Czar Alexander II, grandmother of the baby 
 heir to the throne of Roumania, and alto- 
 gether an important and popular person in 
 European royal society, is said to have in- 
 troduced an innovation at her 5 o'clock tea- 
 table since she went to live at Castle Rosenau. 
 She serves her guests with potatoes in their 
 jackets." 
 
 Will you kindly inform the American pub- 
 lic that the fashion has been in our family for 
 years and I don't want her Royal Highness,. 
 
«3 
 
 the Dutchess of Edinburg, to get the credit 
 of this wonderful innovation. 
 
 N. B. — What in thunder does innovation 
 mean anyhow? 
 
 BOYD WILL GO. 
 
 In last Saturday's Call I find the follow- 
 ing item : 
 
 '' Professor will lecture before the 
 
 California Union on "Bologna and the 
 Italian Universities," at the next meeting 
 of the Union on November 2nd." 
 
 Lecturing on Bolognas, is he ? I hope he 
 will be accurate and explain why the 
 Berkeley poundmaster always stops at a 
 West Berkeley butchers on his road home 
 with a wagon full of stray dogs. I hope the 
 learned professor does not mean to insin- 
 uate that the students at the Italian Uni- 
 versity are better judges of bologna sausage 
 than our U. C. boys. Give some of the 
 boys I could name a big schooner and a few 
 crackers and I will guarantee them to get 
 away with as much bologna as any Italian 
 student. 
 
 Some low-minded sausage makers have 
 been known to put cats in their sausage 
 machines, but it gives an ill flavor that 
 stamps it as fraudulent, and no doubt the 
 learned professor will expose such base 
 methods. 
 
 General Sherman used to say that the. 
 
84 
 
 greatest trouble he had on his march to the 
 sea was to persuade his soldiers that mule 
 meat was a proper article of diet, but turn 
 those same men loose at a free lunch 
 counter and they would not stop to ask 
 whether the bologna sausage was made out 
 of cat, rat or mule meat. They would clean 
 the platter. 
 
 Well, professor, I bespeak a front seat at 
 your lecture, and I hope you will explain 
 the difference between bolognas and frank- 
 furters and also the Dutch and French style 
 of manufacturing the toothsome delicacies. 
 And professor, while you are on the subject 
 of foreign luxuries, can't you say a few 
 words about that delicious article Lim- 
 burger cheese. 
 
 Some frauds a few years ago started a 
 Limburger cheese factory down in Keyport, 
 New Jersey, but the imposition w^as soon 
 exposed. A man could come within 300 
 yards of the spurious article without being 
 knocked down, and as the smell never had 
 any effect on the town clock the business 
 was soon discontinued. 
 
 I hope the professor will not forget to 
 warn people against Chicago sausages, 
 where they say that a wicked man killed his 
 wife and made sausage and soap out of her. 
 Let us soap that that bologna did not reach 
 Berkeley. 
 
85 
 BOYD AT DAWSON. 
 
 Dawson City, December 9, '98. 
 
 As my many friends in Berkeley are no 
 doubt anxious as to my whereabouts and 
 welfare, I wish to inform all that I am in 
 good health and working regular. I wish 
 to inform new comers into this country that 
 the dreaded Chilcoot pass is a humbug. 
 Before I started I secured a letter of intro- 
 duction from my friend Mr. Mark Hanna to 
 Mr. Chilcoot and he passed me over the 
 Skagk-and-away . 
 
 My arrival at Dawson took place in the 
 evening. The sun was just setting and all 
 nature looked gay. The thermometer reg- 
 istered 36 degrees below the town hall and 
 I registered at the Dawson hotel. The 
 supper table afforded me an agreeable sur- 
 prise on beholding its well-spread sideboards 
 groaning with luxuries. I had heard so 
 much in the lying San Francisco papers 
 about the starvation prices in Dawson that 
 when I beheld the generous supply I ex- 
 claimed to Walkin Miller, a well-known 
 character in Dawson, and who gained his 
 title by having walked every step of the 
 way, disdaining the Pulman cars and 
 such luxuries — as I said, I remarked to Mr. 
 Miller, " This beats Berkeley, even at the 
 time all the lodges are giving their installa- 
 tion suppers." 
 
86 
 
 The bill of fare was as follows : 
 
 Stewed Seals' Flippers, 
 Baked Walrus, 
 Fried Snow-balls, 
 
 and a choice dish known as Klondyke Stew, 
 consisting of equal parts of potatoes, rough- 
 on-rats, stale bread, Carter's little liver pills, 
 with a few drops of castoria. As a proof 
 that hospitality is general, I send you the 
 following item clipped from the Klondyke 
 Howler — the of&cial paper : 
 
 "one man's loss is another man's gain." 
 
 " We mentioned in last week's paper the 
 fact that Pete Bradley had met with a 
 severe loss in the drowning of his dog 
 ^'Dandy'' w^hile on the trail from Dyea. 
 News comes that Pete recovered the body, 
 brought it on, and will invite his friends to a 
 grand feed on Wednesday next at his shack 
 on Papoose street. Thanks, Pete, we'll be 
 thar." 
 
 A young lady sent me a letter a few days 
 ago asking my advice as to starting an ice- 
 cream saloon in the city of Dawson. Would 
 you kindly allow me to advise her through 
 your columns to give up the idea, as I think 
 it would be a failure, although I think that 
 a hot rum emporium would be a success. 
 I cannot say too much in praise of this city's 
 well-kept streets. All macademized with 
 refuse quartz rock which will not yield 
 
over $150 to the ton; of course that will not 
 pay to mill it. I hear that you are build- 
 ing a magnificent park in Berkeley and also 
 enlarging the station for the Klondyke rush. 
 
 BOYD'S REPLY TO A CLAIM AGENT. 
 
 Uncle Sam's mail brought me a lengthy 
 communication from a gentleman located 
 in the Crocker Building, San Francisco, 
 saying : 
 
 Dear Sir — Sometime ago I sent papers 
 to be executed by you with a view of secur- 
 ing an appropriation to pay your coyote 
 scalp claim, xxx. This will be the last 
 notice sent and if you do not choose to put 
 in your claim I would like to know it. It 
 is a fair proposition, etc., etc., 
 
 Yours respectfully. 
 
 A H 
 
 Well, I don't know about putting in my 
 claim. It is true that when the Coyote 
 Indians went on the warpath and threatened 
 to desolate Berkeley with fire and scalping 
 knife, I, at my own expense, raised one reg- 
 iment, the 56th Muftidoodles, and took the 
 field against the fierce Coyotes. In the 
 battle of Grizzley Peak I slew and scalped 
 thirty-one fierce Coyote warriors with my 
 own strong right arm. Again at the battle 
 of Strawberry Creek, in the heat of the fight, 
 
88 
 
 I had a pile of Coyote braves in front of me 
 — everyone slain by my own hand There 
 were so many of them that I had to hire 
 Fred Gillett to help scalp them. But no 
 thank you, Mr. Crocker Building, I want 
 no pay for my heroic deeds. But if in 
 future ages the town of Berkeley should see 
 fit to erect a monument to my memory I 
 should not kick. And let it be inscribed: 
 ^' To one of Berkeley's heroes who never 
 refused a drink.'' 
 
 BOYD'S GROWL. 
 
 " Is there no balm in Gilead," — is there 
 no rest for the weary pocket-books of the 
 fathers of families who are attending the 
 public schools of pur town ? I am led to 
 make these remarks because there seems to 
 be no end to the school supplies and books 
 our children want. After buying my child- 
 ren a wagon load of books and sending 
 them to school I supposed the trouble was 
 over. Not so. The next day the teacher 
 told them to get a book called, " How Cata- 
 pillars get the Jim Jams." I mortgaged my 
 horse and wagon and bought the books. 
 Next day, wanted blank-books and copy- 
 books. No. 1 6. Robbed a trunk and got the 
 books. Two days passed and no more de- 
 mands so I planned to save up and buy 
 myself a new pair of socks. But alas! The 
 
89 
 
 third day the teacher told the children to 
 buy a book called "How Jack the Giant 
 Killer Skinned the Cat." Held up a man on 
 San Pablo road and got money enough to 
 buy the books. Yesterday they called on 
 me for a book called "Grandfather's Chair/' 
 "Grandfather's Crutch," or ' Grandfather's 
 Wig," I forget which. I disguised myself 
 by was! ling my face and got Bancroft to 
 trust me, and the end is not yet. 
 
 THE POET'S NIGHTMARE. 
 
 Some years ago the ' residents in the vi- 
 cinity of Berkeley station were alarmed by 
 the report that John McCarthy (then post- 
 master) was going to remove the postoffice 
 from Berkeley to I ^ wight Way. In the ex- 
 citement some unhung villain wrote and in- 
 serted the following Imes in the town paper : 
 
 Sad is the news our people hear, 
 
 Who dwell near Berkeley station, 
 That from its well known resting place 
 
 Our Postoffice will be taken. 
 
 That dear old spot where we bought our stamps 
 
 We will gather- there no more, 
 For they say that Mac will pitch his tent 
 
 On Barker's shining shore. 
 
 Oh! Mac, Oh! Mac, what have we 
 
 Done that you should treat us so; 
 Have Stewart & Trowbridge such a 
 
 Pull that we can have no show. 
 
 Oh! kindly look with pity on us, 
 
 And extend to us your aid 
 That our P. O. is not carried away 
 
 To increase the Dwight Way trade. 
 
9^ \ 
 
 But if this evil fall on us 
 
 One thing we have to bless, 
 Mac and Barker and all the crowd 
 
 Can't rob us of Boyd's Express. Amen 
 
 BOYD VISITS SANTA CRUZ. 
 
 There have been so many inquiries made 
 concerning my absence from town on Satur- 
 day, Sunday and Monday last, that I wish 
 to explain my whereabouts to the people of 
 Berkeley. I left Berkeley on Saturday 
 morning, and as I was pretty sure the police 
 of Santa Cruz had never got a view of my 
 photograph, I determined to go there, and 
 although I told the conductor on the Narrow 
 Guage R. R. that I was a Town official, the 
 cold-blooded monster made me pay fare just 
 the same as a common man. Upon arrival 
 at Santa Cruz there was no excitement, as I 
 went down "incog," and therefore no flags 
 were flying — no band of music played, "See, 
 the Conquering Hero Comes," "Does Your 
 Mother Know You're Out," or any other 
 appropriate tune. After attending to some 
 private business, I was kindly invited to my 
 old friend Solomon Agerter's ranch on the 
 foot-hills. Every old resident of West 
 Berkeley must remember "Sol," who used 
 to reside on 5th street, near Folsom, in the 
 house now occupied by Mr. Burr. Wds I 
 made welrome on my arrival ? Well I 
 should shout ! Supper was ready, and such 
 
9i 
 
 a supper! No flowers or folderolls oti that 
 table, but such a quantity of good, soHd 
 macadamizing for the stoiriach ; and those 
 mince and squash pies ! I pre-empted one- 
 qu-^^.rter section of the mince and tried a hun- 
 dred vara piece of the squash, but couldn't 
 manage it. After supper "Sol" had a few 
 chores to do; the few chores consisted in 
 feeding, watering and milking lo cows, 2 
 horses, and a dozen pigs. (I don't mean to 
 tell a thundering lie and say he milked the 
 horses or the pigs ; if he had, he wouldn't 
 have got through until daylight.) Finally 
 we went to bed, and although my brain was 
 worried for fear that the affairs of the town 
 might go crooked during my absence, I 
 managed to drop off into a sweet slumber. 
 (Mrs. B. said that I snored like a hog, but 
 that is a base slander.) About midnight I 
 was awaken( d by a tremendous noise which 
 1 suspected might be a deputation of citizens 
 to tender me the Freedom of the city of 
 Santa Cruz, but awakening " Sol," he told 
 me that it was only a pack of coyotes on the 
 hill. Now, how the duece those coyotes 
 knew of my arrival, and why they were so 
 glad to know I was in town, beats me, but 
 they certainly yelled their throats sore for 
 joy. The next morning I arose just in time 
 to see a yum yum breakfast going on the 
 table, and Mrs. Agerter inquired whether I 
 would have coffee or milk for breakfast. I 
 said I would take milk, and w^hen she asked 
 me if I would like a drink of goats milk, 
 
92 
 
 I quickly answered yes, and inquired, "is it 
 Hofburg or Washington brewery goat's 
 milk?" Mrs. A. said she didn't know, but 
 if I would step to the door I could see for 
 myself. I did so, and may I be rammed- 
 jammed and squeezed if there wasn't that 
 poor Dutchman milking a real live goat, 
 when if the poor man had only lived in a 
 civilized town like Berkeley, he might have 
 had it delivered at his door for $3.00 per 
 barrel. Well, the day passed pleasantly and 
 all was serene until dinner time. Then my 
 troubles began. There was an immense 
 chicken pie on the table, and try as hard as I 
 could I couldn't eat but seven plates full, 
 which left no room for a slice of squash pie, 
 but quickly loosening the buttons of my 
 vest, 1 put myself outside of a 50-foot front 
 piece. But oh dear! just as 1 felt sad that I 
 had no more room for pie, a neighbor drove 
 up with a present of three luscious water- 
 melons for Mrs. A. One was cut and 
 passed around. Didn't I eat any ? Well, 
 I should giggle ! I got away with twenty 
 slices, but, as I didn't want to be hoggish I 
 threw the rind out of doors to the chickens. 
 I was forced to leave on Monday and, sad to 
 relate, that chicken pie was not all gone 
 when I left. I arrived safely in Berkeley 
 and found all serene, although some parties 
 tried to obtain a R. R. franchise from the 
 Town Board, no doubt thinking 1 was away 
 and that the Trustees would have no one to 
 advise them. With many thanks to Geo. 
 
93 
 
 Schmidt and Charley Spear for the careful 
 manner in which the aftairs of the town 
 were conducted during my absence, I remain 
 yours, etc. 
 
 BOYD ASKS QUESTIONS. 
 
 Since the call for the bond election has 
 been issued it seems to be the fashion for res- 
 idents of Berkeley to criticise the School 
 Board and teachers and ask questions and 
 write letters to the papers of the town 
 
 I may say that I am in favor of the school 
 bonds and will vote for them if the board and 
 teachers will explain a few things I do not 
 understand: In the first place, why is it that 
 
 President has passed me on the street 
 
 several times and never had the politeness to 
 say: ** B , come and take a drink?" 
 
 Again, why is it that Principal Waterman 
 has the curtains of his house down so that 
 the people who pay taxes cannot see what he 
 has for dinner.'^ 
 
 Why is it that the School Superintendent 
 rides a Spitfire wheel when he knows I am 
 agent for the Nonesuch? 
 
 ^ Why did the School Board pay $3.00 for 
 two dozen drinking cups in Berkeley, when 
 by hunting around the city the same style of 
 cup might have been bought for $2.95. 
 
 Under what law, human or divine, am I 
 forbidden to turn my horse into the front 
 
94 
 
 yard of Kellogg School on the Sabbath day 
 to orraze? 
 
 Do Principal Waterman and the school 
 teachers keep a correct tally of how many 
 cups of V ater the children drink during 
 school hours to know whether the School 
 Board is being cheated by that highly bene- 
 volent institution, the Alameda Water Com- 
 pany, and also to see that they don't pack 
 any home in their dinner pails? 
 
 Is the Board aware that a certain teacher 
 in a certain school paid 50 cents a yard for 
 stuff for a dress and then paid a dressmaker 
 $3.00 to make it up, and does not the board 
 think it time to reduce that teacher's salary? 
 
 When I receive a satisfactory answer to 
 this lecter, Messrs. School Directors, you 
 ma) count on my v^ote if I am out of jail 
 
 ADVICE TO JOHN J. 
 
 I was greatly pleased to learn by the city 
 papers that my old friend John Jewett Karle 
 has been chosen by the sophomore class in 
 the University to the chief position on the 
 editorial staff of the Bhie cmd Go!d^ and the 
 paper also says some radical changes in the 
 nature of the next 3^ear's annual may be 
 an^^icipated as it is probable that a new 
 policy toward it is about to be adopted by 
 Univeis'ty authorities. It is very likely 
 that the new editor will be confronted with 
 the problem of publishing a saleable book 
 
95 
 
 with ihe attractive ''josh" element entirely 
 eliminated. Eliminated ! I wonder what 
 in thunder that means. If eliminated 
 means that he is going in to roast all hands 
 — professors, president, juniors, janitors, 
 expressmen and everybody — then the book 
 will be a success. But friend John Jewett 
 if you go to make it a goody-goody book 
 then your name, instead of being John J., 
 will be " mud," and you will be in the 
 '' mock turtle." No, J. J., about the first 
 thing you do is to write an article some- 
 thing like this: "The Alumni and student 
 body were greatly surprised to learn that 
 Prof. X was arrested yesterday by Mar- 
 shal Lloyd on a charge of stealing silver 
 
 spoons from Mrs. Dr. while making a 
 
 social call. The spoons were hidden in his 
 hat. Have a picture of a gentleman hiding 
 behind a large hat in which are stuck sev- 
 eral spoons. Label it, "Who stole the 
 spoons." Get your friends to declare that 
 the Blue and Gold for igoo is going to be 
 red hot. Advertise that Boyd is writing a 
 story for the B. and G. entitled, " The Stu- 
 dent's Revenge, or Who Stole the Dough- 
 nuts." Whisper around that the story is 
 so grossly immoral that you hesitate to put 
 it in the book. Then on the morning of 
 issue get some of your friends to have you 
 arrested for publishing immoral literature, 
 and get Bancroft to put a notice up in his 
 window that he will sell no more Bine and 
 Golds after to-morrow noon. Make ar- 
 
96 
 
 rangements with your publishers to hp,ve 
 his press run night and day to supply the 
 demand and also get the postmaster to put' 
 on an extra mailing clerk. And by the 
 way, if you can get people to believe that 
 they are shameful and not fit to read, you 
 will have orders from all over the civilized 
 world. So that I think it would be a good 
 idea to get an edition out in several foreign, 
 languages. I would not get any out in the 
 Chinese language for them heathens are 
 not civilized enough to know a horrid thing 
 when they see it. And by the way, could 
 not you get a photo of the Tow^n Hall w4th 
 a long strip of muslin in front, inscribed, 
 " This establishment will be opened as a 
 first-class 5c Beer Joint on April ist. And 
 oh my, if we could only get a picture of 
 some females doing the Can-Can and label 
 it, " How the young ladies of the Phi Delta 
 Screamer Club spend their evenings," it 
 w^ould wonderfully increase the sales. I 
 was thinking of studying up some plan to 
 
 abuse Prof Le , but he is such a good 
 
 man I see no hope. Still I shall w^atch 
 every chance; try and find some grounds to 
 roast some of the professors and regents. 
 
 N. B. — If I get any new ideas I shall call 
 you up by Phone and you must do the 
 same. My number is Macarroni 612, Au 
 revoir. 
 
14 DAY USE 
 
 RETURN TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED 
 
 LOAN DEPT. 
 
 This book is due on the last date stamped below, or 
 
 on the date to which renewed. 
 
 Renewed books are subject to immediate recall. 
 
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 (A1724sl0)476B 
 
 General Library 
 
 University of California 
 
 Berkeley