w
 
 MAD FASHIONS, 
 
 OD FASHIONS, 
 
 All out of Fashions, 
 
 OR, 
 
 The Emblems of these Distracted times. 
 
 By lohn Taylor. 
 
 II 
 
 LONDON, 
 Printed by lohn Hammond, for Thomas Banks, 1642.
 
 Mad Fashions, Odd Fashions, All out of Fashions, 
 
 OR, .. 
 The Emblems of these distracted times. 
 
 HE Picture that is Printed in the front 
 Is like this Kingdom, if you look upon't: 
 For if you well do note it as it is, 
 It is a transform'd Metamorphosis, 
 This Monstrous Picture plainly doth declare 
 This land (quite out of order) out of square 
 His Breeches on his shoulders do appear, 
 His Doublet on his lower parts doth wear ; 
 His Boots and Spurs upon his Arms and Hands, 
 His Gloves upon his feet (whereon he stands) 
 The Church o'erturned (a lamentable show) 
 The Candlestick above, the light below, 
 The Coney hunts the Dog, the Rat the Cat, 
 The Horse doth whip the Cart (I pray mark that) 
 The Wheelbarrow doth drive the man (oh Base) 
 And Eels and Gudgeons fly a mighty pace. 
 And sure this is a Monster of strange fashion, 
 That doth surpass all Ovid's Transformation. 
 
 2019869
 
 2 MAD FASHIONS, ODD FASHIONS, 
 
 And this is England's case this very day, 
 
 All things are turned the Clean contrary way ; 
 
 For Now, when as a Royal Parliament, 
 
 (With King, and Peers, and Commons whole 
 
 consent) 
 
 Have almost sat two years, with pains and Cares, 
 And Charge, to free us from our Griefs and fears, 
 For when many a worthy Lord and Knight, 
 And good Esquire (for King and Country's Right) 
 Have spent so much time with Great Toil, and 
 
 Heed, 
 
 All England's Vicious garden how to weed, 
 So like a Wilderness 'twas overrun, 
 That though much hath been done ; All is not done. 
 The Devil doth persuade, entice and lurk, 
 And force bad men to set good men awork. 
 That whilst the Worthies strive to right our wrongs, 
 And give to each man, what to him belongs ; 
 Whilst they take pains to settle all things here, 
 An Irish Devil, doth madly domineer. 
 From Hell's black Pit, begirt with Romish Arms, 
 Thousands of Locusts, are in Troops and Swarms, 
 More Barbarous than the Heathen, worse than Jews, 
 No Turks, or Tartars would such Tortures use. 
 Sure that Religion can no ways be good, 
 That so inhumanly delights in Blood : 
 Nor do that doctrine from the scriptures spring, 
 That Subjects should Rebel against their King.
 
 ALL OUT OF FASHIONS, &c. 3 
 
 Nay (further) murder, ravish, spoil deflower, 
 
 Burn arid lay waste, depopulate, devour, 
 
 Not sparing Infants at the Breast or womb, 
 
 (To die where first they lived, their Birth, their 
 
 Tomb) 
 
 'Tis said no Serpent, Adder, Snake, or Toad, 
 Can live in Ireland, or hath there abode : 
 Tis strange that she those Vipers doth not Kill, 
 That Gnaws her Bowels, and her blood doth spill, 
 Can Irish Earth Kill all things venomous, 
 And can she nurse such Vermin Mischievous : 
 Her own sons Native, worse than Strangers Born, 
 They have their Mother's Entrails rent and torn, 
 Yet still her Indulgency, harbours those. 
 And feeds those Rebels that do breed her woes : 
 God (in thy Mercy) give her strength and Aid, 
 And courage, make her foes and ours dismayed, 
 Thou Lord of Hosts, thine own cause take in hand, 
 Thy foes (Thine Anti-christian foes) withstand ; 
 Defend thy truth, and all our Armies guide, 
 Our enemies to scatter and divide. 
 Thus leaving Ireland (with my hearty prayers) 
 To Britain back again my Muse repairs : 
 Where I perceive a Metamorphosis, 
 Is most preposterous, as the Picture is, 
 The world's turned upside down, from bad to worse, 
 Quite out of frame, The cart before the Horse,
 
 4 MAD FASHIONS, ODD FASHIONS, 
 
 The Felt-maker, and saucy stable Groom 
 
 Will dare to Perch into the Preacher's Room, 
 
 Each Ignorant, do of the Spirit Boast, 
 
 And prating fools brag of the Holy Ghost, 
 
 When Ignoramus will his Teacher Teach, 
 
 And Sow-gelders, and Cobblers dare to preach, 
 
 This shews, men's wits are monstrously disguised, 
 
 Or that Country is Antipodis'd. 
 
 When holy Common Prayer, is by the Rabble 
 
 Accounted Porridge, and unfruitful Babble, 
 
 When our Belief is not so much as said, 
 
 When as the Ten Commandments are not read, 
 
 When as the Lord's Prayer is almost neglected, 
 
 When as all decency is quite rejected, 
 
 When to avoid a Romish Papist's name, 
 
 A man must be unmannerly, past shame, 
 
 When he that show Reverence, doth offend, 
 
 And he seems best that will not bow or bend, 
 
 When he that into God's House doth not come, 
 
 As to a Stable, or a Tippling Room, 
 
 Is counted for a Popish favourite, 
 
 And branded so, despised, and scorned with spite. 
 
 When He that (of his ways) doth conscience make, 
 
 And in his heart doth world, flesh, fiend forsake, 
 
 Loves God with all his soul ; adores no pelf, 
 
 And loves his Neighbour, as he loves himself, 
 
 This man is Rare to find, yet this Rare man
 
 ALL OUT OF FASHIONS, &c. 5 
 
 Shall have the Hateful name of Puritan ; 
 
 When execrations pierce the firmament, 
 
 And oaths do batter against Heaven's Battlement : 
 
 When Imprecations, and damned Blasphemies, 
 
 In sundry cursed volleys scale the Skies, 
 
 When men more Brutish than the Horse or Mule, 
 
 Who know not to obey, presume to Rule, 
 
 Thus Church and Common-wealth, and men, all are 
 
 (Much like the Picture) out of frame or square. 
 
 And if 'twere possible our fathers old 
 
 Should live again, and tread upon this mould, 
 
 And see all things confused, overthrown, 
 
 They would not know this Country for their own. 
 
 For England hath no likelihood, or show 
 
 Of what it was but seventy years ago; 
 
 Religion, manners, life and shapes of men, 
 
 Are much unlike the people that were then, 
 
 Nay England's face and language is estrang'd, 
 
 That all is Metamorphosed, chopped, and changed, 
 
 For like as on the Poles, the World is whirled 
 
 So is this Land the Bedlam of the World ; 
 
 That I amazed, and amated am, 
 
 To see Great Britain turned to Amsterdam, 
 
 Men's brains and wits (two simples beat together) 
 
 From thence (mixed and compounded^ are sent 
 
 hither 
 
 For Amsterstam is landed (as I hear) 
 At Rye, or Hastings, or at Dover Pier,
 
 6 MAD FASHIONS, ODD FASHIONS, 
 
 At Harwich, Ipswich, Sandwich, or at Weymouth, 
 At Portsmouth, Dartmouth, Exmouth, Plymouth, 
 
 Falmouth, 
 
 At Yarmouth, and at all the Ports, to Teignmoiith, 
 And westward unto Bristol and to Monmouth ; 
 From all these Moiiths and more, mad sects are 
 
 sent, 
 
 Who have Religion all in pieces Rent, 
 One would have this, Another would have that, 
 And most of them would have they know not what 
 God give us peace, and ease us in our pain, 
 And send those sects, from whence they came again, 
 The Papist, and the Schismatic ; both grieves 
 The Church, for she's like Christ (Between two 
 
 Thieves.) 
 
 I took the Protestation twice of Late, 
 Where I protested not to Innovate. 
 T'avoid all Popish Rites, and to express 
 Obedience to what England's Church profess, 
 My Loyalty unto my King is bent 
 With duty to the Peers and Parliament. 
 With Prayers, and my best service for them all, 
 That on them may Heaven's chiefest blessings fall, 
 That with one heart, as one man, with one mind, 
 (For God's great glory) they may be combined, 
 And never" vary, but go boldly on, 
 To end the good work, which they have begun. 
 This is the Sum (which ne'er shall be forsook)
 
 ALL OUT OF FASHIONS, &c. 7 
 
 Of what I in the Protestation took. 
 
 But, for all this, I may be mannerly 
 
 In God's House, and be free from Papistry ; 
 
 I hope I may put off my hat, and be 
 
 Allowed to Kneel, and Pray, and Bow my Knee, 
 
 When as divine Command bids, only then 
 
 I'll Bow to God, and not to Saints, or Men. 
 
 And from those duties I will never vary 
 
 Till death, or Order do command contrary. 
 
 The Almighty's Name be ever praised and blessed, 
 
 That Romish superstition is suppressed, 
 
 We have no Abbies, Abbots, Friars, or Monks, 
 
 Nor have we Nuns, or Stews allowed for Punks, 
 
 We have no Masses, or no Mass- Priests here. 
 
 But some are hanged, and some are fled for fear. 
 
 All those that are so bold to stay behind, 
 
 I wish they may like entertainment find ; 
 
 Beads, Baubles, Relics, Tapers, Lamps or Lights, 
 
 We have no superstitious Romish Rites, 
 
 We seek our Pardons from our Heavenly Hope, 
 
 And not by works, or favour from the Pope ; 
 
 TojSaints we make no prayer, or Intercession, 
 
 And unto God alone we make Confession ; 
 
 We hold no Real Presence in the Bread, 
 
 And we do know King Charles our supreme head 
 
 (Beneath God, who hath placed him in his Throne) 
 
 For other Supreme, we acknowledge none. 
 
 No Purgatory, Image, Wood or Stone,
 
 8 MAD FASHIONS, ODD FASHIONS, &c. 
 
 No Stock, or carved Block, we trust upon, 
 
 Nor is our Church discretion here so little, 
 
 As to Baptize with Cream, with salt and Spittle. 
 
 We have as many Sacraments, as Heaven 
 
 Ordained ; which are but two, and Rome hath 
 
 seven 
 
 We do not Christen Bells, and give them Names 
 Of Simon, Peter, Andrew, John and James ; 
 We use no Pilgrimage, or Holy- water, 
 Nor in an unknown tongue our Prayers scatter ; 
 All these, and many more, in Rome are used 
 Which are by us rejected and refused. 
 And yet too many faults, alas remains, 
 Which are the Church's, and the Kingdom's stains, 
 The Church Triumphant is not clear from spots, 
 The Poor Church Militant hath still some blots, 
 Here's all imperfect, something's still amiss, 
 And nothing's blessed, but in Eternal Bliss. 
 Meantime, till we amend, and leave our crimes, 
 The Picture is the Emblem of the Times. 
 
 FINIS.
 
 THE 
 
 KINGS 
 
 MOST EXCELLENT 
 
 MAJESTIES 
 
 Well come to his owne House, 
 Truly called the Honour of Hampton 
 
 COVRT, 
 
 Who came thither on the 24. of 
 August, and so consequently hoped and hum- 
 bly desired to White-Hall. 
 
 Written by his Majesties most humble servant 
 
 John Tailor , one of the Yeoman of 
 
 His MAJESTIES Guard. 
 
 Alms Poeta Aquatticus. 
 
 From my House at the Crowne in Globe Lane, alias PJwenix Al- 
 ly, nere the Globe Taverne in Long Aker, 
 
 Printed in the Yeare. 1647.
 
 THE KINGS 
 
 Most Excellent MAJESTIES, 
 
 Welcome to his own House, 
 
 Truly called the Honour 
 
 of Hampton-Court. 
 
 1OST Gracious (suffering) Sovereign Lord 
 
 and King 
 Had I a quill plucked from the Phcenix 
 
 wing, 
 
 Or Homers Muse or, Virgils to wring style, 
 (Thy ten times long wish'd welcome to 
 compile) 
 
 Had I all these great aids, all were too few, 
 Thy Subjects long expected joys to show 
 Thy presence hath inspir'd this Muse of mine, 
 More than Apollo and his triple Trine, 
 He's dull brained, and a Poet cannot be, 
 That wants a Muse (Great King,) and writes of thee. 
 A juster Master servant never had 
 And servants false to man, too bad 
 But as the Eagle never cast his eyes,
 
 2 THE KING'S MAJESTIES WELCOME 
 
 On abject, objects, vermin, gnats or flies, 
 
 So thou not minding injuries, hath still, 
 
 With thine own goodness overcome their ill. 
 
 Ungrateful men took clothing, wages, food, 
 
 From thee, and have repaid thee ill for good : 
 
 Which thy Heroic mind still slighted hath, 
 
 As most unworthy of thy Royal wrath. 
 
 There's not a grace, a virtue of an Art, 
 
 But are enthroned in thy Princely Heart : 
 
 Faith and Fame unshaken with the wrongs, 
 
 Of perjur'd writers and perfidious tongues, 
 
 Thy certain Hope in thy Majestic Breast 
 
 That nx'd belief, shall be made manifest 
 
 By Charity, which thou hast shew'd to those 
 
 Who are thy cursed causeless mortal foes. 
 
 Whereby thy virtues patient constancy, 
 
 Hath won thee a more glorious victory, 
 
 Than If (by conquest) thy sharp sword should pierce 
 
 Through all the Kingdoms of the Universe. 
 
 Thy Mercy and thy Justice are the Gems, 
 
 And richest Jewels in thy Diadems. 
 
 To sum up all ; 'tis truly understood 
 
 There's nothing may be named just or good 
 
 But is in thee ingrafted, and nothing ill 
 
 Thou sayest or doest, but 'tis against thy will. 
 
 Thy Master Christ (the light made thee discern, 
 
 And this bless'd Lesson thou from him didst learn. 
 
 That he that Loveth, Father, Mother, Wife,
 
 TO HAMPTON COURT. 3 
 
 Children, earths goods or glory, or his life 
 
 More than his Saviour (such a sordid Spirit) 
 
 Is most unworthy of his Masters Merit : 
 
 This precept thou hast practis'd this thy troth 
 
 Kept in thy Christian Coronation Oath, 
 
 Wife, Children, Crown, and Kingdoms, friends, 
 
 Life, all 
 
 Thou hazard'st either to rise, stand or fall, 
 Thy Love (Great King) to thy great King of Kings, 
 By thee hath been prefer'd above all things, 
 For which he'll crown his Gifts in thee, and He 
 Will crown thee glorious with Eternity : 
 Thy Constancy hath trip'd up Fortunes heel, 
 Thy mind ne'er minded her Inconstant Wheel : 
 What good, or bad Occurrences effected ; 
 Thy Spirits were ne'er erected or dejected ; 
 Not with a stupid Humour stoical, 
 But with a Christian Mind Majestical : 
 And with Impregnable strong confidence, 
 Still trusting in the Almighties Providence. 
 Now may we see that Patience, Clemency, 
 Religion, and true Magnanimity, 
 Are Talents lent, whose value doth excel : 
 And all the Profits their's that use them well. 
 And (Royal Sir) Thou hast done well (no doubt) 
 Thou hast not wrap'd thy Talent in a Clout, 
 But so improv'd thy trust, in thy Trustee, 
 That tenfold ten times more thy trust shall be.
 
 4 THE KING'S MAJESTIES WELCOME 
 
 And now poor England, hath so many years 
 Been Plagu'd with causeless Jealousies and Fears, 
 Which (like Black clouds) dispersed with wavering 
 
 wind: 
 
 Made Wit squint-ey'd, and Understanding blind, 
 Whereby each how was frighted hence sweet Peace 
 And every moment miseries increase : 
 But as bright Phoebus (interposed by Clouds, 
 Which with a mourning face the earth e'en shrouds) 
 At last dispels them with his Radiant Ray, 
 And makes the dulsome dark, a gladsome day. 
 So we (mistaken Subjects) hood-wink over 
 With Ignorance, our sights again recover, 
 King Charles shines clear, as Sols Coruscant Beams 
 Hath prov'd our Jealous Fears were less than 
 
 dreams, 
 Mild Dove-like King brings Peace with the Olive 
 
 Branch, 
 Whose Love (like Balsam, Bleeding wounds will 
 
 staunch 
 
 Our cheerful faces, shows our minds (like Mirrors) 
 Free from suspicious thoughts, or needless Terrors : 
 Hearts overflow'd with Joys, Thanks up erected 
 To God, who for us hath this good effected: 
 Our joyful eyes shows April drops of pleasure, 
 And showers of Joy fill the Horizons measure, 
 The Almighty hath thy troubles seen and heard, 
 And hath thy upright heart in such regard
 
 TO HAMPTON COURT. 5 
 
 That (maugre mischief) His outstretched Arm 
 
 Hath, doth, and will defend thee still from Harm, 
 
 Base Shimei Rails not as he erst hath hath done, 
 
 Nor rake-hell Sheba (Bier is cursed son) 
 
 Doth roar and rail with loud Infernal yell, 
 
 Or cry out, to your Tents oh Israel 
 
 That Secretaries no more contention Breed 
 
 But humbly learn to know their Christian Creed, 
 
 That Judases no more Hail Master say 
 
 When as they mean their Master to betray, 
 
 That Reverend Levites of a new hatch Brood, 
 
 Make England drunk no more with English Blood. 
 
 That we may have our Queen and Prince once 
 
 more, 
 
 And use them Kinder than we did of yore. 
 Triumphing trumpets sound shall mount to the stars 
 And not the dreadful charge of civil wars, 
 Sweet Peace (we hope shall still the Churlish 
 
 Drum, 
 And Murdering, Thundering, Guns, Commanded 
 
 Dumb, 
 
 Justice and Mercy both Kiss (when they meet) 
 No'heavy sad complaining in our. street, 
 No more shall England bathe in her own Gore, 
 Or leading to captivity no more. 
 Sword (drunk with blood) shall in their Scabbards 
 
 rest, 
 No plundering or free quartering shall molest,
 
 6 THE KING'S MAJESTIES WELCOME 
 
 The painful farmer, ploughman, or the swain, 
 
 And weapons shall give place to gowns again. 
 
 The Church resume her rights she had before, 
 
 The Clergy to be scandalized no more. 
 
 Thus each man hopes he shall his right enjoy 
 
 And all cease one another to destroy. 
 
 The King shall have his own again, and see, 
 
 His enemies ashamed and odious be. 
 
 Upon thy Head still flourish may thy Crown, 
 
 And ten times troubled be thy high Renown 
 
 That thee and thine in glory here may Reign, 
 
 Until the King of glory come again: 
 
 For such as speak peace, and do war intend, 
 
 For any Sinister or private end. 
 
 That of tranquillity do prate and prattle, 
 
 But wish for war, yet dare not see a Battle, 
 
 Let all such never claim a Christian Name 
 
 Whose trade or pleasure in Blood and Flame, 
 
 Of their dear Country, to Rip, Rend and tear, 
 
 Their Mothers Womb, which did such Bastards 
 
 bear. 
 
 Belike some fear that Peace would drive'em hence 
 To England New, or the Isle of Providence: 
 Virginia, Bermudas, or St. Kitts. 
 Barbadoes, Mevis, or besides their wits 
 But those that offering to the Altars bring, 
 To raise new wars 'gainst Kingdom Laws and 
 
 King,
 
 TO HAMPTON COURT. 7 
 
 Let them go West- ward to the Triple tree, 
 
 And like false Traitors, hang both he and she. 
 
 Those Sons of Hittites and of Amorites, 
 
 God do to them, as to the Midianites, 
 
 As Heathen Sisera, and as Fabin died 
 
 At Endors Field, (where Kishows Brook doth slide) 
 
 As they became as dung, so let them be, 
 
 That to a blessed Peace will not agree, 
 
 The peace of God, grant us thou God of Peace, 
 
 Let us cease sin, thou wilt our sorrows cease. 
 
 Let's frame our lives according to thy word 
 
 And let no Sword be drawn, but Justice Sword, 
 
 To which ends, thou good God of Consolation, 
 
 Send happy peace to this afflicted Nation. 
 
 So welcome good King Charles to Hampton Court, 
 
 And God be still thy shield, defence and Fort. 
 
 FINIS.
 
 -s
 
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