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 The Fotygraft Album 
 
 Shown to the New Neighbor by 
 
 Rebecca Sparks Peters 
 
 Aged Eleven 
 
 ^m 
 
 1 
 
 Drawings and Text by 
 
 Frank Wing 
 
 Chicago 
 The Reilly & Britton Co.
 
 Copyright, 1915 
 
 by 
 
 The Reilly & Britton Co. 
 
 First Edition Published May 7, 1915 
 Second Edition Published Aug. 23, 1915 
 Third Edition Published Nov. 10, 1915 
 Fourth Edition Published Dec. 15, 1915
 
 TUON 
 
 2030202
 
 "Why, how d'do, Mrs. Miggs? Come right 
 on in. Ma's jist run over t' Smith's a minute 
 t' borruh some thread and some m'lasses and 
 a couple uh aigs. Aw! yes, come on she'll be 
 right back. Let's see: S'pose we set on th' 
 sofa and I'll show yuh th' album, so's yuh'll 
 kinda begin t' know some of our folks. We 
 like t' be real neighborly and make new folks 
 feel t' home. There! now we're fixed. 
 
 " This here first one's ma when she was little. 
 Ain't she cute? Her Uncle Seth kep' a store up 
 t' Davenport and he give her them furs. Real 
 mink, I think it was. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's Aunt Mary Jane Darnell. Her jimp- 
 son-weed salve and peach perserves was th' 
 best he ever see, pa says. She couldn't abide a 
 man that primped."
 
 *' Them's grampa and gramma Sparks, ma's 
 pa and ma. Grampa liked bees and made lots 
 of money off'm honey. He was awful good t' 
 gramma. 
 
 ' ' Ma says you kin allus trust a bee man. ' '
 
 " Here's Ferdinand Ashur Peebles, a favo- 
 rite cousin of ma's. He ain't got much time 
 fer them 't ain't so good as what he is, so pa 
 don't like him so very well. Says he's a hip- 
 percrit. One time ma was showin' this pitch- 
 ure t' somebody and she says, ' This is a boy 
 we're proud of: Cousin Ferd, full of good 
 works ' ' and prunes,' pa puts in, and it made 
 ma awful mad. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " Them's pa's pa and ma, grampa 'n' gramma 
 Peters. Jist look at her feet! All her folks 
 toes in even pa, some, but he denies it. Gram- 
 pa's got a turribul temper. Onct he was up in 
 a tree a-sawin' out limbs and a little branch 
 scratched him onto his head and he turned 
 round quick's a wink, a-snarlin', and bit it right 
 smack off. Fact! "
 
 " That's Sophrony Ann Gowdey, kind of a 
 distant cousin of ma's. She's gifted weth th' 
 secont sight. Onct when grampa lost his false 
 teeth they called her in and she set right here 
 in this room and tranced and after a bit she 
 woke up suddent and says, wild like, ' Seek ye 
 within th' well! ' she says; so they done it, but 
 they didn't find 'm. But only a week after- 
 wards, when they cleaned th' cistern, there 
 them teeth was. Pa says, ' Well, anyhow, 
 Phrony knowed they was in th' damp,' he says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's Uncle Mel Burgstresser. Don't he 
 look like Charles Dickens, th' great Scotch 
 poet, though? I think he does, exactly. He's 
 ma's uncle, but he's sich a nice man that even 
 pa likes him. They can't nobody help likin' 
 him, he's so nice; but ever 'body laughs at him, 
 he says sich blunderin' things sometimes. Onct 
 when Aunt Alviny (that's his wife) was 
 a-makin' oyster soup, Uncle Mel he come and 
 looked over her shoulder and says, ' Put lots o' 
 water in it, mother, 'cause I'm hungry,' he 
 says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's my cousin, Willie Sparks, same age 
 as me but not when that pitchure was took. 
 He wasn't only 9 then. Don't he look awful 
 meek? But mebbe you think he ain't got a 
 temper! One time when his pa come home 
 from work after dark and Willie ain't got his 
 chores done, he scolded him, and when Willie 
 brung in th' coal fer th' kitchen stove he was 
 cryin' and he jist hauls off, he's s' mad, and 
 kicks th' stove an awful welt, and says, ' Yuh 
 will burn coal, will yuh! ' he says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 I
 
 " That's ma's cousin, Rebecca, and her man, 
 took th' day they was married. Him and her 
 quarreled somethin' awful, she gener'ly havin' 
 th' upper hand. I was named after her."
 
 11 That there's Peletiah Parrett, a friend of 
 pa's since they was boys. He's a singin' school 
 teacher and he's been to our house lots of times, 
 but he lives at Ohio. He kin sing awful good. 
 You'd jist ort t' hear him sing well, I fergit 
 what th' name of th' piece is but it goes like 
 this: 
 
 " ' Three dretful groans he heered 
 
 And then her ghost appeared 
 
 From head t' foot besmeared 
 
 Weth purple gore.' "
 
 "Pa's cousin Stella, dressed up in some of her 
 ma's old clothes fer a mask ball. Pa drawed in 
 that streak and that printin'. He's a reg'lar 
 artist and he ain't never had a lesson in his life, 
 neither. 
 
 " He calls this pitchure ' Stella as Ajax defyin* 
 th' lightnin'! ' "
 
 " Here's Deacon Samuel Phillips. He mar- 
 ried ma's greatuncle Myron's widow, but I 
 don't know what relation that makes him t' us. 
 He's an awful good man, but clost. Pa says 
 onct he got an awful jolt t' Chicago, where him 
 and some other men went t' sell their stock. It 
 seems that after they got their tradin' done 
 they went down town t' one of them stylish 
 hotels fer dinner. Deacon hadn't never been in 
 one of them places before and didn't know noth- 
 in' 'bout 'm. There was breaded veal cutlets 
 on th' bill-of-fare and Deacon liked 'm, so he 
 ordered 'm, along with a lot of other stuff, with- 
 out noticin' th' price. Bimeby th' bill come, . 
 and it was fer two-fifty. ' Two-fifty! ' the dea- 
 con hollers. * Why Heck! man, I kin buy a calf 
 fer that money! ' he says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 :. '<!:*.!
 
 "Ma's cousins, Delmer and Beezum Morse. 
 ' Th' Sausage Brothers,' pa calls 'm, 'count of 
 their shape. But they're awful stout, and good 
 rasslers, both of 'm, 'specially th' littlest one, 
 Delmer. Onct him and Beezum got t' rasslin' 
 in th' parlor and Delmer throwed Beezum in 
 th' coal box and broke his rib."
 
 " That's pa's Aunt Amanda Merritt Bur- 
 rows. Me and my brother Frank allus run and 
 hide when we see her comin', 'cause she allus 
 kisses a feller and wants 'm t' pick her some 
 berries, or somethin'. That's her long suit, 
 though, as pa says berries. Pa says she won't 
 be happy in parry dise without they've got ber- 
 ries there; says he bets there'll be a great old 
 scramblin' amongst th' angels, too, t' keep from 
 gittin' kissed. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 "Ed and Charley Peters, pa's cousins down 
 t' Peory. They're th' stylishest relations we 
 got."
 
 "Wilbur Peebles, that, is. He's ma's cousin. 
 Ain't he got funny hair? One time he went t' 
 sleep in meetin' and pa took and done up his 
 hair weth yalluh ribbons off'm cigars. Pa says 
 Wilbur looked awful comical jist like a 
 horse's mane at th' fair. And Wilbur's awful 
 absent minded. Onct he was t' our house alone 
 and he decided he'd go down town, so he left a 
 note t' let ma know. It said, ' Gone down town. 
 Will be back at five. Have hid key under mat.' 
 Wasn't that silly? 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's my little cousin, Johnnie Aiken, down 
 t' Brimfield. Ain't he cute? He's jist th' worst 
 little feller t' ast questions yuh ever see. And 
 th' funniest ones! Onct th' persidin' elder was 
 t' their house and he hadn't no more'n said 
 th' blessin' till Johnnie ups and says, * Say, pa, 
 how fur kin a cat spit? ' he says."
 
 " That's Aunt Minervy Hopkins, pa's aunt. 
 She believed in sperrits. 
 " Turn over."
 
 " Uncle Jed Doty and his wife, Aunt Phoebe. 
 He's ma's half-brother and he's an awful good 
 singer. Ust t' travel weth Doc Lighthall. 
 He's handsome, too, I think; but Aunt Phoebe 
 ain't very. Ma says she ust t' be awful purty 
 till after she had th' rheumatism s' bad, but pa 
 says he guesses she must a-had it before ever 
 he see her."
 
 " Cousin Willie Peebles, a nice little feller, 
 but funny. That there jaw ain't swelled. Jist 
 nacherul. Pa says Willie's th' mumpiest look- 
 in' boy he ever see."
 
 " Uncle Charley Sparks, that is. He's awfully 
 witty. Onct when Aunt Kate said she liked 
 a clock fer company, its tick was s' com- 
 fortin', and gramma said she liked a dog better, 
 Uncle Charley he ups and says, ' Would yuh 
 want th' dog t' have ticks, ma? ' he says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's Uncle Abner Sedley. He's th' most 
 stubborn person in our fambly, even if he is a 
 preacher. One time last winter he got awful 
 mad at a church meetin' 'cause things didn't 
 go his way and stomped out, yellin', ' My hands 
 ir, clear; I wash my skirts of th' whole matter! ' 
 he says. Then he found he'd f ergot his specs 
 and he had t' sneak back in and git 'm, weth 
 ever 'body snickerin'. I guess he felt purty 
 cheap. 
 
 11 Turn over."
 
 " Thatls my cousin, Edna Sparks. She ain't 
 very smart and she's got a voice that's a terror 
 to snakes, but her ma thinks she kin sing and's 
 allus sickin' her on t' do it. Pa says onct th' 
 silly thing says when her ma was urgin' her 
 before comp'ny, ' Aw, ma, I can't sing, my hands 
 is chappecl.' I don't believe she ever done it, 
 though. Jist another of pa's jokes, I bet. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's ma's brother, Uncle Billy Sparks. 
 Ain't he handsome? Jist take a look at them 
 eyes. And he's smart, too smart as Uncle 
 Charlie, purty nigh. Onct his mother-in-law 
 come t' see 'em and staid a long time and was 
 awful cross and Uncle Billy got tired of it and 
 took and put a wad of cotton in her ear trumpet 
 so she couldn't hear a thing, and she thought 
 she was goin' plumb deef and left that day fer 
 home to see her doctor. Wasn't that cute of 
 him? "
 
 
 V
 
 " That there's ma's greatuncle Peter. He was 
 awful well off, and proud of it. Onct when 
 th' minister was raisin' money t' pay fer th' 
 new church he preached and he preached, right 
 at Uncle Pete, purty nigh, and bimeby Uncle 
 Pete he got up from his front corner seat and 
 turned round toward th' people and hollered, 
 ' I'll give another hunderd dollars t' th' Lord, 
 and yuh all know I kin pay it! ' he says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's Uncle Jerry Sparks, ma's brother. 
 He was a lieutenant of artil'ry. Pa says ef he 
 was a rebel and seen Uncle Jerry comin' weth 
 that 'spression onto his mug he wouldn't only 
 hit th' high places."
 
 " That's Evans Billhorn, a cousin of ma's by 
 his first wife. He ust t' keep a butcher shop 
 down t' Peory and he was so strong he could 
 throw down a steer. Onct pa made a mistake 
 talkin' t' Evans. Evans was a-braggin' 'bout 
 how he could rassle, and pa ups and says, 
 ' Huh! you couldn't throw nothin' but a fit,' he 
 says. Say! it never took less 'n two doctors t' 
 fix all th' things about pa that was broke." 
 
 " Still, Evans is most awful clumsy, too. One 
 time when he was t' our house he knocked off 
 a real cluny vase of ma's and broke it and his 
 wife says, ' Evans Billhorn, th' next time I take 
 you anywheres I'll crate yuh! ' she says. Pa 
 kep' a piece of that vase fer a long time. ' Pore 
 feller suff'rer,' he called it. 
 
 ' ' Turn over. ' '
 
 " That's Perfessor Tweedie. He teaches pen- 
 manship and he knows Shakespeare better 'n 
 old Mahomet knowed th' Koran, pa says. Ain't 
 he a hairy feller, though? Onct him 'n Frank 
 Mendenhall was a-doin' Brutus and Cassius 
 wrapped up in sheets in Liberty Hall and when 
 Prof says, ' Here is muh dagger and here muh 
 naked breast,' pa hollers out, ' Git a shave, 
 Prof! ' Well, sir, it purty nigh busted up th' 
 show."
 
 .. .r
 
 " That's Cousin Flora Burgstresser. She's 
 th' belle of Beardstown. Her hair's so long she 
 kin set on it. Onct a hair tonic company offered 
 her a pile of money most a hunderd dollars 
 fer her pitchure fer their adver-tise-ment, but 
 she wouldn't. 
 
 "Them society ladies don't like notority."
 
 " That's Winfield Scott Zachary Taylor 
 Peebles, ma's cousin. He was named fer two 
 heroes of th' rev-lutionary war, I think it was; 
 anyway, he could allus think of th' noblest 
 things t' say! Onct when he was in th' war an 
 officer died and they put Cousin Win in his 
 place, so that's how he got t' be a corporal. 
 First thing he says was, after th' president or 
 whoever it was give him th' place, ' Boys,' he 
 says, ' if I fall in this day's battle, march over 
 muh dead corpse as you would that of a com- 
 mon private! ' he says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " Uncle Adoniram Burgstresser, ma's uncle. 
 He was a farmer and hardshell preacher. Onct 
 when ma says, ' Uncle Ad was a power! ' pa 
 says, ' Git out! You don't mean power, you 
 mean pow-wower.' That made ma purty mad, 
 I tell you. Uncle Ad was awful clost. One 
 time he went into a hardware store t' git a tin 
 cup and after he'd looked careful at sev'ral he 
 says, ' How much is this one? ' ' Nickel,' says 
 th' storekeeper. Then Uncle Ad says, ' I s'pose 
 yuh make th' usual reduction t' th' clergy? ' he 
 ' says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 'That there's Emma Beale. She's an awful 
 nice, refined lady. Why, one time when her pa 
 was a-runnin' a tailor shop and Emma was 
 workin' there, pa took a pair of pants t' have 
 'm pressed fer a weddin' and when he went t' 
 git 'm Emma says, ' Mr. Peters,' she says, ' did 
 you know there was a hole in one of th' limbs 
 of yer trousers? ' she says. And pa, he jist haw- 
 hawed right in her face, th' old coarse thing! "
 
 " I don't know who them fellers are, 'cept that 
 big one in front there. That's Ole Ensgaard. 
 Ust t' be my Uncle -Joe's hired man. After^ 
 wards he went up t' Dakota and got 'lected t' 
 th' legislature. Pa says he was awful green and 
 they told him all he'd need t' do was t' write Mr. 
 Jim Hill t' let him know he was there and he'd 
 git a railroad pass. So Ole writes, ' Mester Yim 
 Hill, Sen-ta Pole: Ay ban har Ole Ensgaard,' 
 and Mr. Hill writes right back: ' Ay ban har, too. 
 -Yim Hill.' Uncle Charley Sparks, he says 
 that there's a stock story. Says he's heard it 
 told about a thousand differ 'nt fellers. Ma calls 
 pa and Uncle Charley ' th' arrival wits.' Says 
 they're kinda jealous of each other. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That there's my cousin, Alvy Burgstresser, 
 weth his cornet. He plays in th' choir. First 
 time pa heard 'm he says when he come home, 
 ' That choir '11 never succeed till they dehorn 
 Alvy,' he says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's ma's brother-in-law, Livingston Bur- 
 ney, out t' Kansas. He's a doctor, when he 
 ain't out talkin' politics, which ain't often. He 
 don't half pervide fer his fambly and onct his 
 boy run away and went clean t' Chicago to my 
 Aunt Sarah's and when she wrote Burney about 
 it he sent back a sassy letter, sayin', ' I'll have 
 you know, madam, that I'm th' father of th' 
 pop 'list party in Kansas.' Aunt Sade set right 
 down and wrote him back, ' If you ain't a 
 better father t' th' party,' she says, * than you've 
 been t' this boy, the party's in a bad way,' she 
 says."
 
 "That's Mrs. Bemrose and her daughter, 
 Lucreshy. They ust t' live neighbors t' us, but 
 now they've moved t' Yates City. Mrs. Bem- 
 rose is a daisy musician. You'd jist ort t' hear 
 her sing, 
 
 " ' Oh, th' dirty little coward 
 
 That shot Doctor Howard 
 
 And laid Jesse James in his grave.' "
 
 "Them's Willie and Freddie Sparks. They 
 was cute little fellers but it's awful t' think 
 th' way they turned out, pa says. Willie's an 
 editor and Freddie's a lawyer, and they work 
 together jist fine. Willie gits into trouble, and 
 Freddie, he gits him out."
 
 L
 
 " Perfessor Leander Crabb, that is. He's 
 principal of th' Ellumwood high school and he's 
 a tumble coffee drinker two quart a day when 
 he was writin' his book, ' Tokens of Hope, or 
 Is This, Then, All?' Pa, he read th' book 
 through, then he says, ' Well, I hope it is,' he 
 says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " Them's ma's cousin Peter and his wife and 
 baby, down t' Beardstown. He ain't handsome 
 but he's an awful good man. Pa says onct 
 Cousin Pete was to a party where there was 
 a game t' give a prize t' th' one what'd make 
 th' homeliest face, and th' judge walked right 
 over t' Pete and give him th' prize, and Pete 
 says, supprised like, ' Why, I ain't begun yit,' 
 he says. I reckon it never reely happened; jist 
 one of pa's jokes, I guess. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 "That's Cousin Charlie Freemantle pa's 
 cousin, he is. He's a rollin' stone first one 
 place, then another; never satisfied and never 
 gittin' nothin' ahead. He ust t' be allus comin' 
 'round tellin' where he was goin' next and what 
 big things he was goin' t' do when he got there, 
 till ma got most awful tired of it and says t' 
 him, ' Charlie,' she says, ' did yuh ever reflect 
 that wherever yuh go yuh take yerself weth 
 yuh? ' she says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 " That's Mr. and Mrs. Bundy. He was a nice 
 man but she's quarrelsomer 'n all git out. Don't 
 she look jist like a settin' hen? Onct when Mr. 
 Bundy died why Mrs. Prescott that moved t' 
 Peory she wrote Mrs. Bundy a real nice letter 
 of consolence, I guess it is yuh call it any- 
 way, Mrs. Bundy fired up, quicker 'n a wink, 
 and says, * Uh-huh! ' she says, ' well, that's all 
 very nice but it don't pay fer that there spade 
 and waterin' pot them Prescotts borruhed off 
 'm us and never brung back. I'll learn that 
 tribe they can't soft-soap me! ' she says. 
 
 " Turn over."
 
 11 That's Bige Turner. He ust t' work in th' 
 print shop fer pa and he certainly was a bad 
 aig, I want yuh t' know. Onct he slep' out on 
 th' sidewalk in front of th' shop all night and 
 pa took and tacked his clothes down all around 
 and when Bige woke up next day he tried t' 
 git up and couldn't and it scairt him most t' 
 death and he hollered, ' Gosh! help! I'm para- 
 lyzed,' he says. ' Oh, no yuh ain't, Bige,' pa 
 says, ' but you was yisteddy.' 
 
 "Turn over."
 
 " That's Aunt Min, pa's sister, when she was 
 a girl. She was awful good lookin' is yet, fer 
 that matter. But she ain't never been no house- 
 keeper. Onct pa picked up a shirt she'd been 
 mendin' and took a look at it and says, 'I'd 
 hate like thunder t' have t' reap as Min sews,' 
 he says. 
 
 11 Turn over."
 
 " And that's pa, put in last fer ' a Garrison 
 finish,' as he says, whatever that means. Hon- 
 est, now, he don't look a bit like you thought 
 he would, does he? But you could tell he was 
 a wit, though, couldn't yuh? Jist look at them 
 little, shrewd eyes! This pitchure was took 
 when he was editor of th' Argus, before he made 
 his money out of land and insurance. One time, 
 while he was editin', a publisher sent him an 
 adver-tise-ment of a book that told all about how 
 t' run a newspaper and pa he set right down 
 and wrote 'm back they might as well try t' sell 
 a book of travels t' th' Wanderin' Jew. 
 
 " That's all and there's ma a-comin' up th' 
 walk. We got a bigger album 'n this 'n up- 
 stairs, som'ers, though. Come over some time 
 and I'll show yuh that 'n. 
 
 " Tah-tah! See yuh later."
 
 f UMOMIOPM I MM --i; 
 
 A 000025957 2