JAN 2 ~> 80m 11 /SO (Bay View) NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS. [I HAVE observed, reader, (bone- or male-volent, as it may hap pen,) that it is customary to append to the second editions oi books, and to the second works of authors, short sentences com mcndatory of tho first, under the title of Notices of the Press. These, I have been given to understand, are procurable at certain established rates, payment being made either in money or adver tising patronage by the publisher, or by an adequate outlay of servility on the part of the author. Considering these things with myself, and also that such notices are neither intended, nor generally believe^, to convey any real opinions, being a purely ceremonial accompaniment of literature, and resembling certifi cates to the virtues of various morbiferal panaceas, I conceived that it would be not only more economical to prepare a sufficient number of such myself, but also more immediately subservient to the end in view to prefix them to this our primary edition rather than await the contingency of a second, when they would seem to be of small utility To delay attaching the bobs until the second attempt at flying the kite would indicate but a slender experience in that useful art. Neither has it escaped my notice, nor failed to afford me matter of reflection, that, when a circus or a caravan is about to visit Jaalam, the initial step is to send forward large and highly ornamented bills of performance to be hung in the bar-room and the post-office. These having been sufficiently gazed at, and beginning to lose their attractiveness except for the flics, and, truly, the boys also, (in whom I find it impossible to repress, even during school-hours, certain oral and telegraphic correspondences con cerning the expected show,) upon some fine morning the band en ters in a gaily-painted wagon, or triumphal chariot, and with noisy advertisement, by means of brass, wood, and sheepskin, makes the circuit of our startled village-streets. Then, as the exciting sounds draw nearer and nearer, do I desiderate those eyes of Aristarchus, " whose looks were as a breeching to a boy." Then do I perceive, with vain regret of wasted opportunities, the advantage of a pan- cratic or pantcchnic education, since he is most reverenced by my little subjects who can throw the cleanest summerset or walk most securely upon the revolving cask. The story of the Pied Piper becomes for the first time credible to me, (albeit confirmed by the Hamclincrs dating their legal instruments from the period of his exit,) as I behold how those strains, without pretence of magical potency, bewitch the pupillary legs, nor leave to the pedagogic an entire self-control. Tor these reasons, lest my kingly prerogative should suffer diminution, I prorogue my restless commons, whom I also follow into the street, chiefly lest some mischief may chr nee befall them. After the manner of such a band, I send forward the following notices of domestic manufacture, to make brr.zcn proclamation, not unconscious of the advantage which will accrue, if our little craft, cymbula sutilis, shall seem to leave port with a clipping breeze, and to carry, in nautical phrase, a bone in her mouth. Nevertheless, I have chosen, as being ~norc equitable, to prepare some also sufficiently objurgatory, that readers of every taste way find a dish to their palate. I have modelled them upon actually existing specimens, preserved in my own cabinet of natural curiosities. One, in particular, I had copied with tolerable exactness from a notice of one of my own discourses, which, from its superior tone and appearance of vast experience, I concluded to have been written by a man at least three hundred years of age, though I recollected no existing instance of such antediluvian longevity. Nevertheless, I afterwards discovered the author to be a young gentleman preparing for the ministry under the direction of one of my brethren in a neighbouring town, and whom I had once instinctively corrected in a Latin quantity. But this I have been forced to omit, from its too great length. II. W.] From the Universal Littery Universe. Frtll of passages which rivet the attention of the reader Under a rustic garb, sentiments are conveyed which should be committed to the memorj and engraven on the heart of every moral and social being We considei this a unique performance We hope to. see it soon introduced into our common schools Mr. Wilbur has performed his duties as editor with ex cellent taste and judgment This is a vein which we hope to see success fully prosecuted We hail the appearance of this work as a long stride toward the formation of a purely aboriginal, indigenous, native, and American literature. We rejoice to meet with an author national enough to break away from the slavish deference, too common among us, to English grammar and or thography Where all is so good, we are at a loss how to make extracts. ... ..On the whole, we may call it a volume which no library, pretending to enti e completeness, should fail to place upon its shelves. From the Higginbottomopolis Snapping-turtle. A collection of the merest balderdash and doggerel that it was ever our bad fortune to lay eyes on. The author is a vulgar buffoon, and the editor a talka tive, tedious old fool. We use strong language, but shouH any of our readers peruse the book, (from which calamity Heaven preserve them !) they wtt find reasons for it thick as the leaves of Vallumhrozer, or, to use a still more ex pressive comparison, as the combined heads of author and editor. The work i* wretchedly got up We should like to know how much British gold was pocketed by this libeller of our country and her purest patriots. From the Oldfogrumcille Mentor. We have not had time to do more than glance through this handsomely printed volume, but the name of its respectable editor, the Rev. Mr. Willur, of Jaalam, will afford a sufficient guaranty for the worth of its contents The paper is white, the type clear, and the volume of a convenient and attract ive size In reading this elegantly executed work, it has seemed to us that a passage or two might have been retrenched with advantage, and that the general style of diction was susceptible of a higher polish On the whole, we may safely leave the ungrateful task of criticism to the reader. We will barely suggest, that in volumes intended, as this is, for the illustration of a pro vincial dialect and turns of expression, a dash of humor or satire might be thrown in with advantage The work is admirably got up This work will form an appropriate ornament to the centre-table. It is beautifully printed, on paper of an excellent quality. From the Dekay Bulwark, We should be wanting in our duty as the conductor of that tremendous engine a public press, as an American, and as a man, did we allow such an opportunity as is presented to us by " The Biglow Papers " to pass by without entering our earnest protest against siich attempts (now, alas ! too common) at demoralizing the public sentiment. Under a wretched mask of stupid drollery, slavery, war, the social glass, and. in short, all the valuable and time-honored institution, ! justly dear to our common humanity and especially to republicans ; are made tho butt of coarse and senseless ribaldry by this low-minded scribbler. It is time that the respectable and religious portion of our community should be aroused to thu alarming inroads of foreign Jacobinism, sansculottism, and infidelity. It is ;\ fearful proof of the wide-spread nature of this contagion, that these secret stabs at religion and virtue are given from under the cloak (credite, posteri!) of a clergyman. It is a mournful spectacle indeed to the patriot and Christian to see liberality and new ideas (falsely so called, they are as old as Eden) in vading the sacred precincts of the pulpit On the whole, we consider this volume as one of the first shocking results which we predicted would spring out of the late French " Revolution " (!). From the Bungtown Copper and Comprehensive Tocsin (a tryiceakly fcmug journal). Altogether an admirable work Full of humor, boisterous, but delicate, of wit withering and scorching, yet combined with a pathos cool as morning dew, of satire ponderous as the mace of Richard, yet keen as th,e scymitar of Sala- din A work full of " mountain-mirth," mischievous as Puck and lightsome as Ariel We know not whether to admire most the genial, fresh, and dis cursive concinnity of the author, or his playful fancy, weird imagination, and compass of style, at once both objective ad subjective We might indulge in some criticisms, but, were the author other than he is, he would be a differ ent being. As it is, he has a wonderful pose, which flits from flower to flower, and bears the reader irresistibly along on its eagle pinions (like Ganymede) to the "highest heaven of invention." We love a book so purely objective. Many of his pictures of natural scenery have an extraordinary subjective clearness and fidelity In fine, we consider this as one of the most extraor dinary volumes of this or any age. We know of no English author who could have written it. It is a work to which the proud genius of our country, stand ing with one foot on the Aroostook and the other on the Rio Grande, and hold ing up the star-spangled banner amid the wreck of matter and the crush of worlds, may point with bewildering scorn of the punier efforts of enslaved Eu rope We hope soon to encounter our author among those higher walks of literature in which he is evidently capable of achieving enduring fame. Al ready we should be inclined to assign him a high position in the bright galaxy of our American bards. From the Saltriver Pilot and Flag of Freedom. A volume in bad grammar and worse taste While the pieces here col lected were confined to their appropriate sphere in the corners of obscure news papers, we considered them wholly beneath contempt, but, as the author haa chosen to come forward in this public manner, he must expect the lash he so richly merits Contemptible slanders Vilest Billingsgate Has raked all the gutters of our language The most pure, upright, and con sistent politicians not safe from his malignant venom General Cushing comes in for a share of his vile calumnies The Reverend Homer Wilbur is a disgrace to his cloth From the World-Harmonic-jEolian-Attachraent. Speech is silver : silence is golden. No utterance more Orphic than this. . While, therefore, as highest author, we reverence him whose works continue heroically unwritten, we have also our hopeful word for those who with pen (from wing of goose loud-cackling, or seraph God-commissioned) record the thing that is revealed Under mask of quaintest irony, we detect here the deep, storm-lost (nigh shipwrackcd) soul, thunder-scarred, scmiarticulate, but ever climbing hopefully toward the peaceful summits of an Infinite Sorrow Yes, thou poor, forlorn Hosea, with Hebrew fire-flaming soul in thce, for theo also this life of ours has not been without its aspects of heavenlicst pity and Jaughingest mirth. Conceivable enough! Through coarse Thermites -cloak, we have revelation of the heart, wild-glowing, World-clasping, that is in him. Bravely he grapples with the life- problem as it presents itself to him, uncombed, , cureless of the <: nicer proprieties," inexpert of "elegant diction," yet v with voice audible enough to whoso hath ears, up there on the gravelly side- jhills. or down on the splashy, Indiarubbcr-like salt-marshes of native Jaalatn. .To this soul also the Nvctesilt/ of Creating somewhat has unveiled its awful front. If not (Edipuses and Electras and Alcestises, then in God s name JBirdnfredum Sawins! These also shall get born into the world, and filch (if so fteed) a Zingali subsistence therein, these lank, omnivorous Yankees of his. He shall paint the Seen, since the Unseen will not sit to him. Yet in him also are Nibehmgen-lays, and Iliads, and Ulysses-wanderings, and Divine Comedies, if only once he could come at them ! Therein lies much, nay all ; for what truly is this which we name All, but that which we do not possess? Glimpse." also are given us of an old father Ezekiel, not without paternal pride, as is the wont of such. A brown, parchment-hided old man of the geoponic or bucolic species, gray-eyed, we fancy, queued perhaps, with much weather- cunning and plentiful September-gale memories, bidding fair in good time to become the Oldest Inhabitant. After such hasty apparition, he vanishes and is seen no more Of "Rev. Homer Wilbur, A. M., Pastor of the First Church in Jaalam," we have small care to speak here. Spare touch in him of his Melesigenes namesake, save, haply, the blindness ! A tolerably caliginose, nepholegeretous elderly gentleman, with infinite faculty of sermonizing, muscu- larized by long practice, and excellent digestive apparatus, and, for the rest, well-meaning enough, and with small private illuminations (somewhat tallowy, it is to be feared) of his own. To him, there, " Pastor of the First Church in Jaalam." our Hosea presents himself as a quite inexplicable Sphinx-riddle. A rich poverty of Latin and Greek, so far is clear enough, even to eyes peering myopic through horn-lensed editorial spectacles, but naught farther? O pur blind, well-meaning, altogether fuscous Melesigenes-Wilbur, there are things in him incommunicable by stroke of birch ! Did it ever enter that old bewildered head of thine that there was the Possibility of the Infinite in him? To thee, quite wingless (and even fealherless) biped, has not so much even as a dream of wines ever come? " Talented young parishioner"? Among the Arts where of tlmu art Magister, does that of seeing happen to be one ? Unhappy Artium Mttgisler ! Somehow a Nemean lion, fulvous, torrid-eyed, dry-nursed in broad- howling sand-wildernesses of a sufficiently rare spirit-Libya (it may be sup- posed) has got whelped among the sheep. Already he stands wild-glaring, with feet clutching the ground as with oak-roots, gathering for a Remus-spring over the walls of thy little fold. In Heaven s name, go not near him with that fly- bite crook of thine ! In good time, thou painful preacher, thou wilt go to the appointed place of departed Artillery-Election Sermons, Right-Hands of Fellow ship, and Results of Councils, gathered to thy spiritual fathers with much Latin of the Epitaphial sort ; thon, too, shall have thy reward ; but on him the Eumenides have looked, not Xantippes of the pit, snake-tressed, finger-threat ening, but radiantly calm as on antique gems; for him paws impatient tha winged courser of the gods, champing unwelcome bit; him the starry deeps, the empyrean glooms, and far-flashing splendors await. From the Onion Grove Ph&nix. A talented young townsman of ours, recently returned from a Continental tour, and who is already favorably known to our readers by his sprightly Betters from abroad which have graced our columns, called at our office yesterday. We learn from him, that, having enjoyed the distinguished privilege, while in Ger many, of an introduction to the celebrated Von Humbug, he took the opportuni ty to present that eminent man with a copy of the " Biglow Papers." The next morning he received the following note, which he has kindly furnished us for publication. We prefer to print verbatim, knowing that our readers will readily forgive the few errors into which the illustrious writer has fallen, through igno rance of pur language. " HIGH-WORTHY MISTEK! " I shall also now especially happy starve, because I have more or less a work of one those aboriginal Red-Men seen in which have I so deaf an interest ever taken fullwnrthy on the self shelf with our Gottsched to be upset, " Pardon my in the English-speech unpractice ! "VON HUMBTTG." He also sent with the above note a copy of his famous work on " Cosmet cs." to be presented to Mr. Biirlovv ; hut this was taken from our friend by the English custom-house officers, probably through a petty national spite. No doubt, it has by this time found its way into the British Museum. We trust this outrage will be exposed in all our American papers. We shall do our best to bring it to the notice of the State Department. Our numerous readers will share in the pleasure we experience at seeing our young and vigorous national literature thus encouragingly patted on the head by this venerable and world- -enowned German. We love to see these reciprocations of good-feeling between ,he different branches of the great Anglo-Saxon race. [The following genuine " notice " having met my eye, I gladly insert & portion of it here, the more especially as it contains a portion of one of Mr. Biglow s poems not elsewhere printed. H. W.J From the Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss. But, while we lament to see our young townsman thus mingling in the heated contests of i>arty politics, we think we detect in him the presence of talents which, if properly directed, might give an innocent pleasure to many. As a proof that he is competent to the production of other kinds of poetry, we copy for our readers a short fragment of a pastoral by him, the manuscript of which was loaned us by a friend. The title of it is " The CourtmV ZEKLE crep up, quite unbeknown, An peeked in thru the winder, An there sot Hultly all alone, ith no one nigli to hender. Agin the chimbly crooknecks hung, An in amongst em rusted The ole queen s arm thet gran ther Young Fetched back frum Concord busted. The wannut logs shot sparkles out Towards the pootiest, bless her I An leetle fires danced all about The chiny on the dresser. The very room, coz she wuz in, Looked warm frum floor to ceilin , An she looked full ez rosy agin Ez th apples she wuz peelin*. She heerd a foot an knowed it, tu, Araspin on the scraper, All ways to once her feelins flew Like sparks in burnt-up paper. He kin o 1 itered on the mat, Some doubtfle o the seekle ; His heart kep goin pity pat, But hern went pity Zekle. SATIS multis sese emptorcs futures libri professis, Georgim Nichols, Cantabrigiensis, opus emittct de parte gravi scd adhuc neglecta historiaj naturalis, cum titulo sequcnti, videlicet : Conatus ad Delineationem naturalem nonnihil perfectiorem Scara bcei Bombilatoris, vulcjo dicti HUMBUG, ab HOMERO WILBUR, Arti um Magistro, Societatis historico-naturalis Jaalamensis Prseside, (Secretario, Socioque (eheu ! ) singulo,) multarumque aliarurn So- cietatum cruditarum (sive ineruditarum) tarn domesticarum quam transmarinarum Socio forsitan futuro. PROEMIUM. LECTORI BENEVOLO S. Toga scholastica nondum deposita, quum systemata varia entomologica, a viris ejus sciential ctiltoribus studiosissimis summa diligentia sedificata, penitus indagassem, non fuit quin luctuose omnibus in iis, quamvis aliter laude dignissimis, hiatum magni momcnti perciperem. Tune, nescio quo motu superiore impulsus, aut qua captus dulcedine operis, ad eum implendum (Curtius alter) me solemniter dcvovi. Nee ab isto labore, 8aipLovia)s imposito, abstinui antequam tractatulum sufficienter inconcinnum lingua vernacula pcrfcccram. Inde, juveniliter tu- mefactus, et barathro ineptice rwv /St/SXtoTrcoXoif (necnon " Pub- iici Legentis " ) nusqnam cxplorato, me composuisse quod quasi placentas pnsfervidas (ut sic dicam) homines ingurgitareiit ere 10 didi. Scd, quum huic ct alii bibliopolre MSS. mca submi sissem ct nihil solidius rcsponsionc valdc ncgativa in Mupanim mcum retulisscm, hoiTor ingcns atquc miscricordia, ob crassi- tudincm Lambcrtianam in ccrcbris homunculorum istius muncris* ccelesti quadam ira infixam, me invascrc. Extcmplo mci soliu? impensis librum cdcre dccrcvi, nihil omnino dubitans quin " Mundus Scicntificus " (ut aiunt) crumcnam mcam ampliter rcplcrct. Nullam, attamcn, ex- agro illo mco parvulo scgctcm demcssui, praetor gaudimn vacuum bcnc dc Rcpublica mercndi. Istc panis meus prctiosus super aquas litcrarias facculentas praefidenter jactus, quasi Ilarpyiarum quanmdam (scilicet bibli- opolanim istorum facinorosorum supradictorum ) tactu ranci- dus, intra pcrpaucos dies mihi domum rcdiit. Et, quum ipse tali victu ali non tolcrarem, primum in mcntcm vcnit pistori (typograpbo ncmpe) nibilominus solvcndum csse. Animum non idcirco dcmisi, imo aeque ac pucri naviculas suas penes se lino retincnt (co ut e recto cursu dclapsas ad ripam retrabant), sic ego Argo meam cbartaccam fluctibus laborantem a quoc- situ velleris aurei, ipsc potius tonsus pelleque cxutus, mentc solidu revocavi. Metapboram ut mutem, boomarangam meam a scopo abciTantcm retraxi, dum majore vi, occasione ministrantc, adversus Fortunam intorquercm. Ast mibi, talia volvcnti, et, sicut Saturnus ille TraiSo/So poy, libcros intellcctus mei depascere fidcnti, casus miserandus, nee antea inauditus, supervenit Nam, ut ferant Scytbas pictatis causa ct parsimonia3, parcntes suos mortuos dcvorasse, sic filitis bic mcus primogcnitus, Scy tins ipsis minus mansuctus, patrcm vivum totum ct calcitrantcm cx- sorbere enixus cst. Nee tamen bac de causa sobolcm mcam csurientcm cxbcrcdavi. Sod famem istam pro valido tcstimonio virilitatis roborisque potius babui, cibumque ad cam satiandam. 11 salva patcrna mea carnc, petii. Et quia bilem illam scaturicntera ad ces ctiam concoqucnclura idoneam esse cstimaliam, undo aes alienum, ut minoris pretii, habcrcm, circumspcxi. Rebus ita se liabentibus, ab avunculo meo Johunnc Doolittle, Armigero, impe- travi ut pccunias neccssarias suppeditaret, ne opus cssct milii uni- versitatem relinquendi antequam ad gradum primum in artibua pervenissem. Tune ego, salvum facere patronum meura munifi- cum maxime cupiens, omnes libros piimas cditionis opcris mei non venditos una cum privilcgio in omnc cevum ejusdem imprimendi et edendi avunculo meo dicto pigneravi. Ex illo die, atro lapide notando, curae Yociferantcs familiaj singulis annis crescentis eo usque insultabant ut nunquam tarn carum pignus e vinculis istis aheneis solvere possem. Avunculo vcro nupcr mortuo, quum inter alios consanguineos testamenti cjus lectioncm audicndi causa advcnissem, crcctis auri- bus verba talia scqucntia acccpi : " Quoniam persuasum habco mcnm dilcctum ncpotcm Ilomcnim, longa ct intima rcrum angus- tarum domi experientia, aptissimum essc qui divitias tucatur, beneficcntcrquc ac prudentcr iis divinis creditis utatur, ergo, motus liisce cogitationibus, cxque amove meo in ilium magno. do, legoque nepoti caro meo supranominato omncs singularesque istas posscssiones nee ponderabiles ncc computabiles meas quaa sequuntur, scilicet : quingcntos libros quos mihi pigneravit dictus Homcrus, anno lucis 1792, cum privilegio edendi et repetendi opus istud scicntificum (quod dicunt) suum, si sic clcgerit. Tamcn D. O. M. precor oculos Homeri nepotis mci ita aperiat eumque moveat, ut libros istos in bibliotbeca unius c plurimis cas tellis suis Ilispanicnsibus tuto abscondat." His vcrbis (vix crcdibilibus) auditis, cor mcum in pcctore ex- ealtavit. Dcindc, quoniam tractatus Anglice scriptus spcm auc- 12 toris fcfellcrat, quippe quura studium Historiae Naturalis in Re- publica nostra inter factionis strcpitum languescat, Latino vcrsura edere statui, ct co potius quia ncscio quomodo disciplina aeadcmi- ca ct duo diplomata proficiant, nisi quod pcritos linguarum om- nino mortuarum (ct damnandarum, ut dicebat istc Trat/oOpyos Guliclmus Cobbctt) nos faciant. Et mihi adhuc superstcs est tota ilia cditio prima, quam quasi crcpitaculum per quod dcrites caninos dcntibam rctinco. OPERIS SPECIMEN. (Ad exemplum Johannis Physiopliili speciminis MonachologitR.) 12. S. B. Militaris, WILBUR. Carnifex, JABLONSK. Profanus, DESFONT. [Male hancce speciem Cyclopcm Fabriciua vocat, ut qui singulo oculo ad quod sui interest distinguitur. Melius vero Isaacua Outia nullum inter S. milit. S.que Belzebul (Fabric. 152) discrimen esse defendit.] Habitat civitat. Americ. austral. Aureis lineis splendidus; plerumque tamen sordidua, utpote lanienas valde frequentans, foetore sanguinis allectus. Amat quoque insuper septa apricari, neqtie inde, nisi maxima conatione, detruditur. Candidatus ergo populariter vocatus. Caput cristam quasi pennarum ostendit. Pro cibo vaccam publican) collide mulget ; abdomen enorme ; facultas suctus baud facile estimanda. Otio- sus, fatuus ; ferox nihilominus, semperque dimicare paratus. Tortuose repit. Capite erepe maxima cum cura dissecto, ne illud mdimentum etiam cerebri commune omnibus prope insectis detegere poteram. Unam de hoc S. milit. rem singularem notavi ; nam S. Guineens. (Fabric. 143) servos facit, et idcirco a multis summa in reverentia habitua, quasi scin tillas rationis paene humanae demonstrans. 24. S. B. Criticus, WILBUR. Zoihis, FABRIC. Pygmatts, CARLSEN. [Stultissime Johannes Stryx cum S. punctato (Fabric. &4 - 109) confundit Specimina quamplurima scrutationi microscopica; subjeci, nunquam tamen unum ulla indicia puncti cujusvis prorsus ostendentem inveni.] Praecipue formidolosus, insectatusritie. in proxima rima anonyma sese ab ecoudit, we, we, creberrime stridens. Ineptus, segnipes. Habitat ubique gentium ; Insicco; nidum suum terebratione indefessa cedifi- tans. Cibus. Libros depascit; siccos prsecipue seligens, et forte succidunr THE BIGLOW PAPERS MELIBCEUS-HIPPONAX. THE EDITED, WITH AN INTRODUCTION, NOTES, GLOSSARY, AND COPIOUS INDEX, BY HOMER WILBUR, A. M., PASTOR OP THE FIRST CHURCH IN JAALAM, AND (PROSPECTIVE) MEMBEB 0* MANY LITERARY, LEARNED AND SCIENTIFIC SOCIETIES, (for which see page v.) The ploughman s whistle, or the trivial flute, Finds more respect than great Apollo s lute. Quarles s Emblems, B. n. B. 8. Margaritas, muiule porcine, calc&sti : en, siliquas accipe. Juc. Car. Fil. ad Pub. Leg. 1. NINTH EDITION. BOSTON: JAMES R. OSGOOD AND COMPANY, LATE TICKNOR & FIELDS, AND FIELDS, OSGOOD, & Co. 1872. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1848, by JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL, In the Clerk s office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. 96 A, NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE. IT will not have escaped the attentive eye, that I have, on the title-page, omitted those honorary appendages to the editorial name which not only add greatly to the value of every book, but whet and exacerbate the appetite of the reader. For not only does he surmise that an honorary membership of literary and scientific societies implies a certain amount of necessary distinc tion on the part of the recipient of such decorations, but he is wil ling to trust himself more entirely to an author who writes under the fearful responsibility of involving the reputation of such bodies as the S. Arclmol. Dahom., or the Acad. Lit. et Sclent. Kamtschat, I cannot but think that the early editions of Shakspeare and Mil ton would have met with more rapid and general acceptance, but for the barrenness of their respective title-pages : and I believe, that, even now, a publisher of the works of either of those justly distinguished men would find his account in procuring their ad mission to the membership of learned bodies on the Continent, a proceeding no whit more incongruous than the reversal of the udgment against Socrates, when he was already more than twenty centuries beyond the reach of antidotes, and when his b VI NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE. memory had acquired a deserved respectability. I conceive that it was a feeling of the importance of this precaution which in duced Mr. Locke to style himself " Gent." on the title-page of his Essay, as who should say to his readers that they could receive his metaphysics on the honor of a gentleman. Nevertheless, finding, that, without descending to a smaller si/e of type than would have been compatible with the dignity of the several societies to be named, I could not compress my intended list within the limits of a single page, and thinking, moreover, that the act would carry with it an air of decorous modesty, I have chosen to take the reader aside, as it were, into my private closet, and there not only exhibit to him the diplomas which I already possess, but also to furnish him with a prophetic vision of those which I may, without undue presumption, hope for, as no* beyond the reach of human ambition and attainment. And I am the rather induced to this from the fact, that my name has been unaccountably dropped from the last triennial catalogue of our beloved Alma Mater. Whether this is to be attributed to the difficulty of Latinizing any of those honorary adjuncts (with a complete list of which I took care to furnish the proper persons nearly a year beforehand), or whether it had its origin in any more culpable motives, I forbear to consider in this place, the matter be ing in course of painful investigation. But, however this may be, I felt the omission the more keenly, as I had, in expectation of the new catalogue, enriched the library of the Jaalam Athenaeum with the old one then in my possession, by which means it has come about that my children will be deprived of a never -weary ing winter-evening s amusement in looking out the name of their **arent in that distinguished roll. Those harmless innocents had NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE. Vll at least committed no but I forbear, having intrusted my reflections and animadversions on this painful topic to the safe keeping of my private diary, intended for posthumous publication. I state this fact here, in order that certain nameless individuals, who are, perhaps, overmuch congratulating themselves upon my silence, may know that a rod is in pickle which the vigorous hand of a justly incensed posterity will apply to their memories. The careful reader will note, that, in the list which I have pre pared, I have included the names of several Cisatlantic societies to which a place is not commonly assigned in processions of this nature. I have ventured to do this, not only to encourage native ambition and genius, but also because I have never been able to perceive in what way distance (unless we suppose them at the end of a lever) could increase the weight of learned bodies. As far as I have been able -to extend my researches among such stuffed specimens as occasionally reach America, I have discovered no generic difference between the antipodal Fogrum Japonicum and the F. Americanum sufficiently common in our own immedi ate neighbourhood. Yet, with a becoming deference to the popu lar belief, that distinctions of this sort are enhanced in value by every additional mile they travel, I have intermixed the names of some tolerably distant literary and other associations with the rest. I add here, also, an advertisement, which, that it may be the more readily understood by those persons especially interested therein, I have written in that curtailed and otherwise maltreated canine Latin, to the writing and reading of which they are ac customed. Vlll NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE. OMNIB. PER TOT. ORB. TERRAR. CATALOG. ACADEM. EDD. Minim, gent, diplom. ab inclytiss. acad. vest, orans, vir. hono- rand, opcrosiss., at sol. ut sciat. quant, glor. nom. meum fdipl. fort, conccss.) catal. vest. temp, futur. afFer., ill. subjec., addit. omnib. titul. honorar. qu. adh. non tant. opt. quam probab. put. *** Lin. Uncial distinx. ut Press. S. Hist. Nat. Jaal HOMEEUS WILBUR, Mr., Episc. Jaalam. S. T. D. 1850, et Yal. 1349, et Neo-Cffis. et Brun. et Gulielm. 1852, et Gul. et Mar. et BoAvd. et Georgiop. et Viridimont. et Columb. Nov. Ebor. 1853, et Amherst. et "VVatervill. et S. Jarlath. Ilib. et S. Mar. et S. Joseph, ct S. And. Scot. 1854, et Nashvill. et Dart, et Diekins. et Concord, ct Wash, et Columbian, et Chariest, et Jeff, et Dubl. et Oxon. et Cantab, et crct. 1855, P. U. N. C. H. et J. U. D. Gott. et Osnab. et Hcidelb. 1860, et Acad. BORE us. Berolin. Soc. et SS. KR. Lugd. Bat. et Patav. et Lond. et Edinb. et Ins. Feejee. et Null. Terr, et Pekin. Soc. Hon. et S. H. S. et S. P. A. et A. A. S. et S. Humb. Univ. et S. Omn. Rcr. Quarund. q. Aliar. Promov. Passamaquod. et H. P. C. et I. O. H. et A. A. <J>. et II. K. P. et $. B. K. et Peucin. et Erosoph. et Philadclph. et Frat. in Unit, et 2. T. et S. Archrcolog. Athcn. ct Acad. Scicnt. et Lit. Panorm. et SS. II. H. Matrit. et Beeloochist. et Catfrar. et Caribb. et M. S. Reg. Paris, et S. Am. Antiserv. Soc. Hon. et P. D. Gott. et LL. D, 1852, et D. C. L. et Mus. Doc. Oxon. I860, et M. M. S. S et M. D. 1854, et Med. Fac. Univ. Harv. Soc. et S. pro Convers Pollywog. Soc. Hon. et Higgl. Piggl. et LL. B. 1853, et S. pro Ohristianiz. Moschet. Soc., et SS. Ante-Diluv. ubiq. Gent. Soc. Hon. et Civit. Cleric. Jaalam. et S. pro Diffus. General. Tenebr Secret. Corr. INTRODUCTION. WHEN, more than three years ago, my talented young parishioner, Mr. Biglow, came to me and submitted to my animadversions the first of his poems which he intended to commit to the more hazardous trial of a city newspaper, it never so much as entered my imagination to conceive that his productions would ever he gathered into a fair volume, and ushered into the august pres ence of the reading public by myself. So little are we short-sighted mortals able to predict the event ! I confess that there is to me a quite new satisfaction in being associated (though only as sleeping partner) in a book which can stand by itself in an independent unity on the shelves of X INTRODUCTION. libraries. For there is always this drawback from the pleasure of printing a sermon, that, whereas the queasy stomach of this generation will not bear a discourse long enough to make \ separate volume, those religious and godly-minded children (those Samuels, if I may call them so) of the brain must at first lie buried in an undis tinguished heap, and then get such resurrection as is vouchsafed to them, mummy-wrapt with a score of others in a cheap binding, with no other mark of distinction than the word " Miscella neous " printed upon the back. Far be it from me to claim any credit for the quite unexpected popularity which I am pleased to find these bucolic strains have attained unto. If I know myself, I am measurably free from the itch of vanity ; yet I may be allowed to say that I was not backward to recognize in them a certain wild, puckery, acidulous (sometimes even verg ing toward that point which, in our rustic phrase, is termed shut-eye] flavor, not wholly * INTRODUCTION. unpleasing, nor unwholesome, to palates cloyed with the sugariness of tamed and cultivated fruit. It may be, also, that some touches of my own, here and there, may have led to their wider acceptance, albeit solely from my larger experience of literature and authorship.* I was, at first, inclined to discourage Mr. Big low s attempts, as knowing that the desire to poetize is one of the diseases naturally incident to adolescence, which, if the fitting remedies be not at once and with a bold hand applied, may become chronic, and render one, who might else have become in due time an ornament of the social circle, a painful object even to nearest friends and relatives. . But thinking, on a further experience, that there was a germ of promise in * The reader curious in such matters may refer (if he can find them) to " A Sermon preached on the Anniversary of t^ie Dark Day," " An Artillery Election Sermon," " A Discourse on the Late Eclipse," " Dorcas, a Funeral Sermon on the Death of Madam Submit Tidd, Relict of the late Experience Tidd, Esq.," &c., &c. Xll INTRODUCTION. him which required only culture and the palling up of weeds from around it, I thought it best to set before him the acknowledged examples of English compositions in verse, and leave the rest to natural emulation. With this view, I accord ingly lent him some volumes of Pope and Gold smith, to the assiduous study of which he prom ised to devote his evenings. Not long afterward, he brought me some verses- written upon that model, a specimen of which I subjoin, having changed some phrases of less elegancy, and a few rhymes objectionable to the cultivated ear. The poem consisted of childish reminiscences, and the sketches which follow will not seem destitute of truth to those whose fortunate edu cation began in a country village. And, first, let us hang up his charcoal portrait of the school- dame. " Propt on the marsh, a dwelling now, I see The humble school-house of my A, B, C, INTRODUCTION. Xlll Where well-drilled urchins, each behind his tire, "Waited in ranks the wished command to fire, Then all together, when the signal came, Discharged their a-b abs against the dame, "Who, mid the volleyed learning, firm and calm, Patted the furloughed ferule on her palm, And, to our wonder, could detect at once Who flashed the pan, and who was downright dunce- There young Devotion learned to climb with ease The gnarly limbs of Scripture family- trees, And he was most commended and admired Who soonest to the topmost twig perspired ; Each name was called as many various ways As pleased the reader s ear on different days, So that the weather, or the ferule s stings, Colds in the head, or fifty other things, Transformed the helpless Hebrew thrice a week To guttural Pequot or resounding Greek, The vibrant accent skipping here and there, Just as it pleased invention or despair ; No controversial Hebraist was the Dame ; With or without the points pleased her the same; If any tyro found a name too tough, And looked at her, pride furnished skill enough ; She nerved her larynx for the desperate thing, And cleared the five-barred syllables at a spring. Ah, dear old times ! there once it was my hap, Perched on a stool, to wear the long-eared cap ; XT* INTRODUCTION. From books degraded, there I sat at ease, A drone, the envy of compulsory bees." I add only one further extract, which will ^ossess a melancholy interest to all such as have endeavoured to glean the materials of Revolu tionary history from the lips of aged persons, who took a part in the actual making of it, and, finding the manufacture profitable, continued the supply in an adequate proportion to the demand. " Old Joe is gone, who saw hot Percy goad His slow artillery up the Concord road, A tale which grew in wonder, year by year, As, every time he told it, Joe drew near To the main fight, till, faded and grown gray, The original scene to bolder tints gave way ; Then Joe had heard the foe s scared double-quick Beat on stove drum with one uncaptured stick, And, ere death came the lengthening tale to lop, Himself had fired, and seen a red-coat drop ; Had Joe lived long enough, that scrambling fight Had squared more nearly to his sense of right, And vanquished Percy, to complete the tale, Had hammered stone for life in Concord jail." INTRODUCTION. XV I do not know that the foregoing extracts ought not to be called my own rather than Mr. Biglow s, as, indeed, he maintained stoutly that my file had left nothing of his in them. I should not, perhaps, have felt entitled to take so great liberties with them, had I not more than suspected an hereditary vein of poetry in myself, a very near ancestor having written a Latin poem in the Harvard Gratulatio on the accession of George the Third. Suffice it to say, that, whether not satisfied with such limited approba tion as I could conscientiously bestow, or from a sense of natural inaptitude, I know not, certain it is that my young friend could never be in duced to any further essays in this kind. He affirmed that it was to him like writing in a foreign tongue, that Mr. Pope s versification was like the regular ticking of one of Willard s clocks, in which one could fancy, after long listening, a certain kind of rhythm or tune, but which yet was only a poverty-stricken tick, tick XVI INTRODUCTION. after all, and that he had never seen a sweet- water on a trellis growing so fairly, or in forms so pleasing to his eye, as a fox-grape over a scrub- oak in a swamp. He added I know not what, to the effect that the sweet-water would only be the more disfigured by having its leaves starched and ironed out, and that Pegasus (so he called him) hardly looked right with his mane and tail in curl-papers. These and other such opinions I did not long strive to eradicate, attributing them rather to a defective education and senses untuned by too long familiarity with purely natural objects, than to a perverted moral sense. I was the more inclined to this leniency since sufficient evidence was not to seek, that hi;? verses, as wanting as they certainly were in classic polish and point, had somehow taken hold of the public ear in a surprising manner. So, only setting him right as to the quantity of the proper name Pegasus, I left him to follow the bent of his natural genius. INTRODUCTION. XV11 There are two things upon which it would seem fitting to dilate somewhat more largely in this place, the Yankee character and the Yankee dialect. And, first, of the Yankee char acter, which has wanted neither open maligners, nor even more dangerous enemies in the persons of those unskilful painters who have given to it that hardness, angularity, and want of proper perspective, which, in truth, belonged, not to their subject, but to their own niggard and un skilful pencil. New England was not so much the colony of a mother country, as a Hagar driven forth in to the wilderness. The little self-exiled band which came hither in 1620 came, not to seek gold, but to found a democracy. They came that they "might have the privilege to work arid pray, to sit upon hard benches and listen to painful preachers as long as they would, yea, even unto thirty~seventhly, if the spirit so willed it. And surely, if the Greek might boast ms XV111 INTRODUCTION. Thermopylae, where three hundred men fell in re sisting the Persian, we may well be proud of our Plymouth Rock, where a handful of men, women, and children not merely faced, but vanquish ed, winter, famine, the wilderness, and the yet more invincible storge that drew them back to the green island far away. These found no lotus growing upon the surly shore, the taste of which could make them forget their little native Ithaca ; nor were they so wanting to themselves in faith as to burn their ship, but could see the fair west wind belly the homeward sail, and then turn un- repining to grapple with the terrible Unknown. As Want was the prime foe these hardy exo- dists had to fortress themselves against, so it is little wonder if that traditional feud is long in wearing out of the stock. The wounds of the old warfare were long ahealing, and an east wind of hard times puts a new ache in every one of hem. Thrift was the first lesson in their horn- Dook, pointed out, letter after letter, by the lean INTRODUCTION. XI* finger of the hard schoolmaster, Necessity. Nei ther were those plump, rosy-gilled Englishmen that came hither, but a hard-faced, atrabilious, earnest-eyed race, stiff from long wrestling with the Lord in prayer, and who had taught Satan to dread the new Puritan hug. Add two hundred years influence of soil, climate, and exposure, with its necessary result of idiosyncrasies, and we have the present Yankee, full of expedients, half-master of all trades, inventive in all but the beautiful, full of shifts, not yet capable of com fort, armed at all points against the old enemy Hunger, longanimous, good at patching, not so careful for what is best as for what will do, with a clasp to his purse and a button to his pocket, hot skilled to build against Time, as in old coun tries, but against sore-pressing Need, accustomed to move the world with no Trot o-rco but his own two feet, and no lever but his own long forecast. A strange hybrid, indeed, did circumstance beget, here ii. the New World, upon the old Puri- TX INTRODUCTION. tan stock, and the earth never before saw such mystic-practicalism, such niggard-geniality, such calculating-fanaticism, such cast-iron-enthusiasm, such unwilling-humor, such close-fisted-generosi ty. This new GrcBculus csuricns will make a living out of any thing. He will invent new trades as well as tools. His brain is his capital, and he will get education at all risks. Put him on Juan Fernandez, and he would make a spell ing-book first, and a salt-pan afterward. In caelum,jusseris, ibit, or the other way either, it is all one, so any thing is to be got by it. Yet, after all, thin, speculative Jonathan is more like the Englishman of two centuries ago than John Bull himself is. He has lost somewhat in solid ity, has become fluent and adaptable, but more of the original groundwork of character remains. He feels more at home with Fulke Greville, Herbert of Cherbury, Gluarles, George Herbert, and Browne, than with his modern English cousins. He is nearer than John, by at le r INTRODUCTION. XXI hundred years, to Naseby, Marston Moor, Worces ter, and the time when, if ever, there were true Englishmen. John Bull has suffered the idea of the Invisible to be very much fattened out of him. Jonathan is conscious still that he lives in the world of the Unseen as well as of the Seen. To move John, you must make your fulcrum of solid beef and pudding ; an abstract idea will do for Jonathan. %*TO THE INDULGENT READER. MY friend, the Reverend Mr. Wilbur, having been seized with a dangerous fit of illness, before this Introduction had passed through the press, and being incapacitated for all literary exertion, sent to me his notes, memoranda, &c., and requested me to fashion them into some shape more fitting for the general eye. This, owing to the fragmentary and disjointed state of his manuscripts I have felt wholly unable to do; yet, being unwilling that the reader should be deprived of such parts of his lucubrations as seemed more finished, and not well discerning how to segregate these from the rest, I have concluded to send them all to the press pre cisely as they arc. COLUMBUS NTE, Pastor of a Church in llungtown Cornet c XXii INTRODUCTION. IT remains to speak of the Yankee dialect. And first, it may be premised, in a general way, that any one much read in the writings of the early colonists neod not be told that the far greater share of the words and phrases now esteemed peculiar to New England, and local there, were brought from the mother country. A person familiar with the dialect of certain portions of Massachusetts will not fail to recognize, in ordinary discourse, many words now noted in English vocabula ries as archaic, the greater part of which were in com mon use about the time of the King James translation of the Bible. Shakspeare stands less in need of a glos sary to most New Englanders than to many a native of the Old Country. The peculiarities of our speech, however, are rapidly wearing out. As there is no coun try where reading is so universal and newspapers are so multitudinous, so no phrase remains long local, but is transplanted in the mail-bags to every remotest corner of the land. Consequently our dialect approaches nearer to uniformity than that of any other nation. The English have complained of us for coining new words. Many of those so stigmatized were old ones by them forgotten, and all make now an unquestioned p^-V of the currency, wherever English is spoken. INTRODUCTION. XX111 Undoubtedly, we have a right to make new words, as they are needed by the fresh aspects under which life presents itself here in the New World ; and, indeed, wherever a language is alive, it grows. It might be questioned whether we could not establish a stronger title to the ownership of the English tongue than the mother-islanders themselves. Here, past all question, is to be its great home and centre. And not only is it already spoken here by greater numbers, but with a far higher popular average of correctness, than in Britain. The great writers of it, too, we might claim as ours, were ownership to be settled by the number of readers and lovers. As regards the provincialisms to be met with in this volume, I may say that the reader will not find one which is not (as I believe) cither native or imported with the early settlers, nor one which I have not, with my own ears, heard in familiar use. In the metrical portion of the book, I have endeavoured to adapt the spelling as nearly as possible to the ordinary mode of pronunciation. Let the reader who deems me over* particular remember this caution of Martial : " Quern recitas, meus est, Fidentme, Ubellus ; Sed male cum recitas, inciplt esse tuus." XXIV INTRODUCTION. A few further explanatory remarks will nut be imper tinent. I shall barely lay down a few general rules for the reader s guidance. 1. The genuine Yankee never gives the rough sound to the r when he can help it, and often displays consid erable ingenuity in avoiding it even before a vowel. 2. He seldom sounds the final g, a piece of self- denial, if we consider his partiality for nasals. The same of the final d, as lian 1 and stari* for hand and stand. 3. The h in such words as while, when, where* he omits altogether. 4. In regard to a, he shows some inconsistency, sometimes giving a close and obscure sound, as hev for have, hendy for handy, ez for as, thet for that, and again giving it the broad sound it has in father, as hansome for handsome. 5. To the sound ou he prefixes an e (hard to exem plify otherwise than orally). The following passage in Shakspeare he would recke thus : " Nccrw is the winta uv eour discontent Mcd glorious summa by this sun o Yock, An all the clcouds thet leowered upun eour heous*e In the deep buzznm o the oshin buried ; INTRODUCTION. XXV air eour brcows beound ith victorious wreaths 2<mr brcusccl arms hung up fcr monimuncc ; Eoiir starn alarums changed to merry meetins, Eotir dreffle marches to dcliglitful measures. Grim-visaged Avar hcth smcurlicd his wrinkled front, An neow, instid o mountin barebid steeds T,) fright the souls o ferfle cdverseries, Id 3 capers nimly in a lady s chamber, I o the lascivious pleasin uv a loot." 6 Au, in such words as daughter and slaughter, he pronounces ah. 7. To the dish thus seasoned add a drawl ad libitum. [Mr. Wilbur s notes here become entirely fragmentary. C. N.] a. Unable to procure a likeness of Mr. Biglow, I thought the curious reader might be gratified with a sight of the editorial effigies. And here a choice be tween two was offered, the one a profile (entirely black) cut by Doyle, the other a portrait painted by a native artist of much promise. The first of these seemed wanting in expression, and in the second a slight obliquity of the visual organs has been heightened (perhaps from an over-desire of force on the part of the artist) into too close an approach to actual strabismus. This Slight divergence in my optical apparatus from the ordinary model however T may have been taught to regard it in the light of a mercy rather than a cross, c* XXVI INTRODUCTION. since it enabled me to give as much of directness ana personal application to my discourses as met the wants of my congregation, without risk of offending any by being supposed to have him or her in my eye (as the saying is) seemed yet to Mrs. Wilbur a sufficient ob jection to the engraving of the aforesaid painting. We read of many who cither absolutely refused to allow the copying of their features, as especially did Plotinus and Agesilaus among the ancients, not to mention the more modern instances of Scioppius Paloeottus, Pinellus, Velserus, Gataker, and others, or were indifferent there to, as Cromwell. /3. Yet was Cscsar desirous of concealing his baldness. Per contra, my Lord Protector s carefulness in the matter of his wart might be cited. Men generally more desirous of being improved in their portraits than characters. Shall probably find very unflattered like nesses of ourselves in Recording Angel s gallery. y. Whether any of our national peculiarities may be traced to our use of stoves, as a certain closeness of the lips in pronunciation, and a smothered smoulderingness of disposition, seldom roused to open flame ? An un restrained intercourse with fire probably conducive to generosity and hospitality of soul. Ancient Mexicans INTRODUCTION. XXV11 used stoves, as the friar Augustin Ruiz reports, Hakluyt, III., 468, but Popish priests not always reliable au thority. To-day picked my Isabella grapes. Crop injured by attacks of rose-bug in the spring. Whether Noah was justifiable in preserving this class of insects ? 8. Concerning Mr. Biglow s pedigree. Tolerably certain that there was never a poet among his ancestors. An ordination hymn attributed to a maternal uncle, but perhaps a sort of production not demanding the creative faculty. His grandfather a painter of the grandiose or Michael Angelo school. Seldom painted objects smaller than houses or barns, and these with uncommon expression. e. Of the Wilburs no complete pedigree. The crest said to be a wild loar, whence, perhaps, the name. (?) A connection with the Earls of Wilbraham (quasi wild boar ham) might be made out. This suggestion worth following up. In 1677, John W. m. Expect , had issue, 1. John, 2. Haggai, 3. Expect, 4. Ruhamah, 5. Desire. " Hear lyes y e bodyc of Mrs Expect Wilber, Y c crcwcll salvages they kil d her KXV111 INTRODUCTION. Together w th other Christian soles eleaven, October y e ix dayc, 1707. Y e stream of Jordan sh as crost ore And now cxpeacts me on y e other shore : I live in hope her soon to join ; Her earthlye yeercs were forty and nine." From Gravestone in Pekussett, North Parish. This is unquestionably the same John who afterward (1711) married Tabitha Hagg or Ragg. But if this were the case, she seems to have died early; for only three years after, namely, 1714, we have evidence that he married Winifred, daughter of Lieutenant Tipping. Fie seems to have been a man of substance, for we find him in 1696 conveying " one undivided eightieth part of a salt-meadow " in Yabbok, and he command ed a sloop in 1702. Those who doubt the importance of genealogical studies fuste potius quam argumento erudiendi. I trace him as far as 1723, and there lose him. In that year he was chosen selectman. No gravestone. Perhaps overthrown when new hearse-house was built, 1802. He was probably the son of John, who came from Bilham Comit. Salop, circa 1642. This first John was a man of considerable importance, INTRODUCTION. XXIX twice mentioned with the honorable prefix of Mr. in the town records. Name spelt with two Z-s. Hear lyeth y e bod [stone unhappily broken.} Mr. Ihon Willber [Esq.] [/ indose this in brackets as doubtful. To me it seems dear.} Ob t die [illegible; looks like xviii.} iii [prob. 1693.] paynt dcseased seinte : A friend and [fath]er untoe all y e opreast, Hee gave y e wicked familists noe roast, When Sat[an bljcwe his Antinomian Waste, "Wee clong to [Willber as a steadf ]ast maste. f A]gaynst y e horrid Qua[kers] It is greatly to be lamented that this curious epitaph is mutilated. It is said that the sacrilegious British sol diers made a target of this stone during the war of In dependence. How odious an animosity which pauses not at the grave ! How brutal that which spares not the monuments of authentic history ! This is not im probably from the pen of Rev. Moody Pyram, who is mentioned by Hubbard as having been noted for a silver vein of poetry. If his papers be still extant, a copy might possibly be recovered. CONTENTS. Paga No. I. A Letter from Mr. Ezckicl Biglow of Jaalam to the Hon. Joseph T. Buckingham, Editor of the Bos ton Courier, inclosing a Poem of his Son, Mr. Hosea Biglow, . 1 No. II. A Letter from Mr. Hosca Biglow to the Hon. J. T. Buckingham, Editor of the Boston Courier, covering a Letter from Mr. B. SaAvin, Private in the Massachu setts Regiment, 13 No. III. What Mr. Robinson thinks, . . 32 No. IV. Remarks of Increase D. O Phace, Esquire, at an Extrumpery Caucus in State Street, reported by Mr. H. Biglow, 45 No. V. The Debate in the Sennit. Sot to a Nusry Rhyme, 63 No. VI. The Pious Editor s Creed, 73 XXX11 CONTENTS. b. VII A Letter from a Candidate for the Presidency in Answer to suttin Questions proposed by Mr. Hosea Big- low, inclosed in a Note from Mr. Biglow to S. H. Gay, . Esq., Editor of the National Anti-slavery Standard, . 84 No. VIII. A Second Letter from B. Sawin, Esq., . . 97 No. IX. A Third Letter from B. Sawin, Esq., . .120 GLOSSARY, . - , .143 INDEX, . , . v . U9 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. No. I. A LETTER FROM MR. EZEKIEL EIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE HON. JOSEPH T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, INCLOSING A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA BIGLOW. JAYLEM, June 1846. MISTER EDDYTER: Our Hosca wuz down to Boston last week, and he see a cruetin Sarjunt a struttin round as popler as a hen with 1 chicking, with 2 fellers a drummin and fifin arter him like all nater. the sarjunt he thout Hosea hedn t gut his i teeth cut cos he looked a kindo s though he d jest com down, so he cal lated to hook him in, but Hosy woodn t take- none o his sarse for all he hed much as 20 Rooster s tales stuck onto his hat and eenamost enuf brass a 2 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. bobbin up and down on his shoulders and figureed onto his coat and trousis, let alone wut nater hed sot in his featers, to make a 6 pounder out on. wal, Hosea he com home considerabal riled, and arter I d gone to bed I heern Him a thrashin round like a short- tailed Bull in fli-time. The old Woman ses she to me ses she, Zekle, ses she, our Hosee s gut the chollery or suthin anuther ses she, don t you Bee skeered, ses I, he s oney amakin pottery* ses i, he s oilers on hand at that ere busynes like Da & martin, and shure enuf, cum mornin, Hosy he cum dawn stares full chizzle, hare on eend and cote tales flyin, and sot rite of to go reed his varses to Parson Wil bur bein he haint aney grate shows o book larnin him self, bimeby he cum back and sed the parson wuz dreffle tickled with em as i hoop you will Be, and said they wuz True grit. Hosea ses taint hardly fair to call em hisn now, cos the parson kind o slicked off sum o the last var ses, but he told Hosee he didn t want to put his ore * A at Insanit, aut versos facit. H. W. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 3 in to tetch to the Rest on em, bein they wuz verry well As thay wuz, and then Hosy ses he sed suthin a nuther about Simplex Mundishes or sum sech feller, but I guess Hosea kind o didn t hear him, for I never hearn o nobody o that name in this villadge, and I ve lived here man and boy 76 year cum next tater diggin, and thair aint no wheres a kitting spryer n I be. If you print em I wish you d jest let folks know who hosy s father is, cos my ant Keziah used to say it s nater to be curus ses she, she aint livin though and he s a likely kind o Ia3. EZEKIEL BIGLOW. V THRASH away, you 11 hev to rattle On them kittle drums o yourn, Taint a knowin kind o cattle Thet is ketched with mouldy corn ; Put in stiff, you fifer feller, Let folks see how spry you be, Guess you 11 toot till you are yeller Fore you git ahold o me ! THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Thet air flag s a leetle rotten, Hope it aint your Sunday s best ; Fact ! it takes a sight o cotton To stuff out a soger s chest : Sence we farmers hev to pay fer t, Ef you must wear humps like these, Sposin you should try salt hay fer t, It would du ez slick ez grease. T would n t suit them Southern fellers, They re a dreffle graspin set, We must oilers blow the bellers Wen they want their irons het ; May be it s all right ez preachin , But my narves it kind o grates, Wen I see the overreachin O them nigger-drivin States. Them thet rule us, them slave-traders, Haint they cut a thunderin swarth, (Helped by Yankee renegaders,) Thru the vartu o the North ! THE BIGLOW PAPERS. We begin to think it s nater To take sarse an not be riled Who d expect to see a tater All on eend at bein biled ? ^r i Ez fer war, I call it murder, There you hev it plain an flat ; I don t want to go no furder Than my Testyment fer that ) God hez sed so plump an fairl It s ez long ez it is broad, An you ve gut to git up airly Ef you want to take in God. Taint your eppyletts an feathers Make the thing a grain more right ; Taint afollerin your bell-wethers Will excuse ye in His sight ; Ef you take a sword an dror it, An go stick a feller thru, Guv ment aint to answer for it, God 11 send the bill to you. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Wut s the use o meetin-goin 1 Every Sabbath, wet or dry, Ef it s right to go amowin Feller-men like oats an rye ? I dunno but wut it s pooty Trainin round in bobtail coats, But it s curus Christian dooty This ere cuttin folks s throats. They may talk o Freedom s airy Tell they re pupple in the face, - It s a grand gret cemetary Fer the barthrights of our race ; They jest want this Californy 3o s to lug new slave-states in To abuse ye, an to scorn ye, An to plunder ye like sin. Aint it cute to see a Yankee Take sech everlastin pains All to git the Devil s thankee, Helpin on em weld their chains ? THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Wy, it s jest ez clear ez figgers, Cleai ez one an one make two, Chaps thet make black slaves o niggers Want to make wite slaves o you. Tell ye jest the eend I ve come to Arter cipherin plaguy smart, An it makes a handy sum, tu, Any gump could larn by heart ; Laborin man an laborin woman Hev one glory an one shame, Ev y thin thet s done inhuman Injers all on em the same. Taint by turnin out to hack folks You re agoin to git your right, Nor by lookin down on black folks Coz you re put upon by wite ; Slavery aint o nary color, Taint the hide thet makes it wus, All it keers fer in a feller S jest to make him fill its pus. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Want to tackle me in, du ye ? I expect you 11 hev to wait ; Wen cold lead puts daylight thru ye You 11 begin to kal late ; Spose the crows wun t fall to pickin All the carkiss from your bones, Coz you helped to give a lickin" To them poor half-Spanish drones ? Jest go home an ask our Nancy Wether I d be sech a goose Ez to jine ye, guess you d fancy The etarnal bung wuz loose ! She wants me fer home consumption, Let alone the hay s to mow, Ef you re arter folks o gumption, You ve a darned long row to hoe. Take them editors thet s crowin Like a cockerel three months old, Don t ketch any on em goin , Though they be so blasted bold ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. they a prime set o fellers ? Fore they think on t they will sprout, (Like a peach thet s got the yellers,) With the meanness bustin out. -^ Wai, go long to help em stealin Bigger pens to cram with slaves, Help the men thet s oilers dealin Insults on your fathers graves ; Help the strong to grind the feeble, Help the many agin the few, Help the men thet call your people Witewashed slaves an peddlin crew ! Massachusetts, God forgive her, She s akneelin with the rest, She, thet ough to ha clung fer ever In her grand old eagle-nest ; She thet ough to stand so fearless Wile the wracks are round her hurled, Holdin up a beacon peerless To the oppressed of all the world 10 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Haint they sold your colored seamen ? Haint they made your env ys wiz ? Wut 11 make ye act like freemen ? Wut 11 git your dander riz ? Come, I 11 tell ye wut I m thinkin Is our dooty in this fix, They d ha done t ez quick ez winkin In the days o seventy-six. Clang the bells in every steeple, Call all true men to disown The tradoocers of our people, The enslavers o their own ; Let our dear old Bay State proudly Put the trumpet to her mouth, Let her ring this messidge loudly In the ears of all the South : u 1 II return ye good fer evil Much ez we frail mortils can, But I wun t go help the Devil Makin man the cus o man ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 11 Call me coward, call me trailer, Jest ez suits your mean idees, Here I stand a tyrant-hater, An the friend o God an Peace ! " 1 / Ef I d my way I hed ruther We should go to work an part, They take one way, we take t other, Guess it would n t break my heart ; Man hed ough to put asunder Them thet God has noways jined ; An I should n t gretly wonder Ef there s thousands o my mind. [The first recruiting sergeant on record I conceive to have been that individual who is mentioned in the Book of Job as going to and fro in the earth, and ivalking up and down in it. Bishop Lati- _ mer will have him to have been a bishop, but to me that other calling would appear more congenial. The sect of Cainites is not yet extinct, who esteemed the first-born of Adam to be the most worthy, not only because of that privilege of primogeniture, but inasmuch as he was able to overcome and slay his younger brother. That was a wise saying of the famous Marquis Pes- cara to the Papal Legate, that it was impossible for men to serve Mars and Christ at the same time. Yet in time past the profession 12 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. of arms was judged to be KO.T f^o^v that of a gentleman, nor does this opinion want for strenuous upholders even in our day. Must we suppose, then, that the profession of Christianity was only intended for losels, or, at best, to afford an opening for ple beian ambition? Or shall we hold with that nicely metaphysical Pomeranian, Captain Vratz, who was Count Konigsmark s chief instrument in the murder of ftlr. Thynne, that the Scheme of Sal vation has been arranged with an especial eye to the necessities of the upper classes, and that " God would consider a gentleman and deal with him suitably to the condition and profession he had placed him in " ? It may be said of us all, Exemplo plus quan ratione vivimus. H. W.] No. II. A LETTER FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON. J. T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, COVERING A LETTER FROM MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT. [THIS letter of Mr. Sawin s was not originally written in verse. Mr. Biglow, thinking it peculiarly susceptible of metrical adorn ment, translated it, so to speak, into his own vernacular tongue. This is not the time to consider the question, whether rhyme be a mode of expression natural to the human race. If leisure from other and more important avocations be granted, I will handle the matter more at large in an appendix to the present volume. In this place I will barely remark, that I have sometimes noticed in the unlanguaged prattlings of infants a fondness for alliteration, assonance, and even rhyme, in which natural predisposition we may trace the three degrees through which our Anglo-Saxon verse rose to its culmination in the poetry of Pope. I would not be understood as questioning in these remarks that pious theory which supposes that children, if left entirely to themselves, would 14 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. naturally discourse in Hebrew. For this the authority of one experiment is claimed, and I could, with Sir Thomas Browne, desire its establishment, inasmuch as the acquirement of that sacred tongue would thereby be facilitated. I am aware that Herodotus states the conclusion of Psammeticus to have been in favor of a dialect of the Phrygian. But, beside the chance that a trial of this importance would hardly be blessed to a Pagan mon arch whose only motive was curiosity, we have on the Hebrew side the comparatively recent investigation of James the Fourth of Scotland. I will add to this prefatory remark, that Mr. Sawin, though a native of Jaalam, has never been a stated attendant on the religious exercises of my congregation. I consider my hum ble efforts prospered in that not one of my sheep hath ever indued the wolf s clothing of war, save for the comparatively innocent diversion of a militia training. Not that my flock are back ward to undergo the hardships of defensive warfare. They serve cheerfully in the great army which fights even unto death pro arts et focis, accoutred with the spade, the axe, the plane, the sledge, the spelling-book, and other such effectual weapons against want and ignorance and unthnft. I have taught them (under God) to esteem our human institutions as but tents of a night, to be stricken whenever Truth puts the bugle to her lips and sounds a march to the heights of wider-viewed intelligence and more Derfect organization. H. W.] MISTER BUCKINUM, the follerin Billet was writ hum by a Yung feller of our town that wuz cussed fool enuff to goe atrottin inter Miss Chiff arter a Drum and THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 15 fife, it ain t Nater for a feller to let on that he s sick o any bizness that He went intu off his own free will and a Cord, but I rather cal late he s rniddlin tired o voluntearin By this Time. I bleeve u may put do- pendunts on his statemence. For I never heered nothiu bad on him let Alone his havin what Parson Wilbur cals a pongshong for cocktales, and he ses it wuz a soshiashun of idees sot him agoin arter the Crootin Sargient cos he wore a cocktale onto his hat. his Folks gin the letter to me and i shew it to parson Wilbur and he ses it oughter Bee printed, send It to mister Buckinum, ses he, i don t oilers agree with him, ses he, but by Time,* ses he, I du like a feller that ain t a Feared. I have intusspussed a Few refleckshuns hear and thair. We re kind o prest with Hayin. Ewers tespecfly HOSEA BIGLOW. * In relation to this expression, I cannot but ihink that Mr. Biglow has been too hasty in attributing it to me. Though Time be a comparatively innocent personage to swear by, and though Longinus in his discourse Ilfpi "Y^ous has commended timely 16 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Tins kind o sogerin aint a mite like our October trainin , A chap could clear right out from there ef t only looked like rainin . An th Cunnles, tu, could kiver up their shappoes with bandanners, An send the insines skootin to the bar-room with their banners, (Fear o gittin on em spotted,) an a feller could cry quarter Ef he fired away his ramrod arter tu much rum an water. Recollect wut fun we hed, you n I an Ezry Hollis, Up there to Waltham plain last fall, ahavin the Cornvvallis ? * oaths as not only a useful but sublime figure of speech, yet I have always kept my lips free from that abomination. Odi profanum vulgus, I hate your swearing and hectoring fellows. H. W. * i halt the Site of a feller with a muskit as I du pizn But thei* is fun to a cornwallis I aint agoin to deny it. II. B. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 17 This sort o thing aint jest like thet, I wish thet I wuz furder, * Nimepunce a day fer killin folks comes kind o low fer murder, (Wy I Ve worked out to slarterin some fer Deacon Cephas Billins, An in the hardest times there wuz 1 oilers tetchcd ten shilling,) There s sutthin gits into my throat thet makes it hard to swaller, It comes so nateral to think about a hempen col lar ; It s glory, but, in spite o all my tryin to git callous, I feel a kind o in a cart, aridin to the gal- lus. But wen it comes to bein* killed, I tell ye I felt streaked The fust time ever I found out wy baggonets wuz peaked ; * he means Not quite so fur i guess. II B. 2 18 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. % Here s how it wuz : I started out to go to a fan dango, The sentinul he ups an sez, " Thet s furder an you can go." " None o your sarse," sez I ; sez he, " Stan back ! " " Aint you a buster ? " Sez I, " I rn up to all thet air, I guess T ve ben to muster ; I know wy sentinuls air sot ; you aint agoin to eat us ; Caleb haint no monopoly to court the seenoree- tas ; My folks to hum air fujl ez good ez hisn be, by golly!" An* 1 so ez I wuz goin by, not thinkin wut would folly, The everlastin cus he stuck his one-pronged pitchfork in me An made a hole right thru my close ez ef I wu? an in my. Wai, it beats all how big I felt hoorawin in ole Funnel THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 19 Wen Mister Bolles he gin the sword to our Leftenam Cunnle, (It s Mister Secondary Bolles,* thet writ the prize peace essay ; Thet s wy he did n t list himself along o us, I dessay,) An Rantoul, tu, talked pooty loud, but don t put his foot in it, Hoz human life s so sacred thet he s principled agin it, Though I myself can t rightly see it s any wus achokin on em Than puttin bullets thru their lights, or with a basnet pokin on em ; How dreffle slick he reeled it off, (like Blitz at our lyceum Ahaulin ribbins from his chops so quick you skeercelv see em,) * the ignerant creeter means Sekketary ; but he oilers stuck tc his books like cobbler s wax to an He-stone. II. B. 20 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. About the Anglo-Saxon race (an saxons would be handy To du the buryin down here upon the Rio Gran- dy), About our patriotic pas an our star-spangled ban ner, Our country s bird alookin on an singin out ho- sanner, An how he (Mister B. himself) wuz happy fer Ameriky, I felt, ez sister Patience sez, a leetle mite hister- icky. I felt, I swon, ez though it wuz a dreffle kind o priv ilege Atrampin round thru Boston streets among the gutter s drivelage ; I act lly thought it wuz a treat to hear a little drum- min% An it did bonyfidy seem millanyum wuz accm- in Wen all on us got suits (darned like them wore in the state prison) THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 21 An every feller felt ez though all Mexico wuz hisn.* \ This ere s about the meanest place a skunk could wal diskiver (Saltillo s Mexican, I b lieve, fer wut we call Salt- river). The sort o trash a feller gits to eat doos beat all nater, I d give a year s pay fer a smell o one good bluenose tater ; The country here thet Mister Bolles declared to be so charmin Throughout is swarmin with the most alarmin kind o * jt must be aloud that thare s a streak o nater in lovin slio, but it sartinly is 1 of the curusest things in nater to see a rispcck- table dri goods dealer (deekon off a chutch mayby) a riggin himself out in the Weigh they du and stuuttin round in the Reign aspilin his trowsis and makin wet goods of himself. Ef any thin s foolisher and moor dicklus than militerry gloary it ia milishy gloary. H. B. 22 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. He talked about delishis froots, but then it wuz a wopper all, The holl on t s mud an** prickly pears, with here an 1 there a chapparal ; You see a feller peekin out, an , fust you know, a lariat Is round your throat an you a copse, fore you can say, u Wut air ye at ? " * You never see sech darned gret bugs (it may not be irrelevant To say I ve seen a scarabaus pilularius t big ez a year old elephant,) The rigiment come up one day in time to stop a red bug From runnin off with Cunnle Wright, t wuz jest a common cimex lectularius. * these fellers are verry proppilly called Rank Heroes, and the more tha kill the ranker and more Hero wick tha bekum. H. B. t it wiiz " tumblebng " as he Writ it, but the parson put the Latten instid. i sed tother maid better meeter, but he said tha was eddykated peepl to Boston and tha would n t stan it no how idnow as tha wood and idnow as tha wood. H. B. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 23 One night I started up on eend an thought I wuz to hum agin, I heern a horn, thinks I it s Sol the fisherman hez come agin, His bellowses is sound enough, ez I m a livin creeter, I felt a thing go thru my leg, t wuz nothin more n a skeeter ! Then there s the yaller fever, tu, they call it here el vomito, (Come, thet wun t du, you landcrab there, I tell ye to le go my toe ! My gracious ! it s a scorpion thet s took a shine to play with t, I dars n t skeer the tarnal thing fer fear he d run away with t.) I Afore I come away from hum I hed a strong per suasion Fhet Mexicans worn t human beans,* an ourang outang nation, * he means human beins, that s wut he means, i spose he 24 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. A sort o folks a chap could kill an 1 * never dream on t arter, No more n a feller d dream o pigs thet he hed hed to slarter ; I d an idee thet they were built arter the darkie fashion all, An kickin colored folks about, you know, s a kind o national ; But wen I jined I worn t so wise ez thet air queen o Sheby, Per, come to look at em, they aint much difF rent from wut we be, An here we air ascrougin em out o thir own do minions, Ashelterin em, ez Caleb sez, under our eagle s pinions, Wich means to take a feller up jest by the slack o s trowsis An 1 walk him Spanish clean right out o all his homes an houses ; kinder thought tha \vriz human beans ware the Xisle Poles comes from. II. E. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 25 i Wai, it doos seem a curus way, but then hooraw fei Jackson ! It must be right, fer Caleb sez it s reg lar Anglo- saxon. The Mex cans don t fight fair, they say, they piz n all the water, An du amazin lots o things thet is n t wut they ough to ; Bein they haint na lead, they make their bullets out o copper An shoot the darned things at us, tu, wich Caleb sez aint proper ; He sez they d ough to stan right up an let us pop em fairly, -(Guess wen he ketches em at thet he 11 hev to git up airly,) Thet our nation s bigger n theirn an so its rights air i bigger, A" thet it s all to make em free thet we air pullin trigger, Thet Anglo Saxondom s idee s abreakin em to pieces, 26 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An thet idee s thet every man doos jest wut he damn pleases ; Ef I don t make his meanin clear, perhaps in some respex I can, I know thet "every man" don t mean a nigger or a Mexican ; A.n there s another thing I know, an 1 thet is, ef these creeturs, Fhet stick an Anglosaxon mask onto State-prison feeturs, Should come to Jaalam Centre fer to argify an spout on t, The gals ould count the silver spoons the minnit they cleared out on t. This goin ware glory waits ye haint one agreeable feetur, An ef it worn t fer wakin snakes, I d home agin short meter ; 0, would n t I be off, quick time, ef t worn t thet I wuz sartin THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 27 They d let the daylight into me to pay me fer de- sartin ! I don t approve o tellin tales, but jest to you 1 may state Our ossifers aint wut they wuz afore they left the Bay- state ; Then it wuz " Mister Sawin, sir, you re middlin well now, be ye ? Step up an take a nipper, sir ; I m dreffle glad to see VP " y e But now it s " Ware s my eppylet ? here, Sawin, step an fetch it ! An mind your eye, be thund rin spry, or, damn ye, you shall ketch it ! " Wai, ez the Doctor sez, some pork will bile so, but by mighty, Ef I hed some on em to hum, I d give em linkum vity, I d play the rogue s march on their hides an othei music follerin But I must close my letter here, for one on em s a- hollerin . 28 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. These Anglosaxon ossifers, wal, taint no use ajaw in , I m safe enlisted fer the war, Yourn, BIRDOFREDOM SAWIN. [Those have not been wanting (as, indeed, when hath Satan oeen to seek for attorneys ? ) who have maintained that our late inroad upon Mexico was undertaken, not so much for the aveng ing of any national quarrel, as for the spreading of free institu tions and of Protestantism. Capita vix duabus Antlcyris meden- da! Verily I admire that no pious sergeant among these new Crusaders beheld Martin Luther riding at the front of the host upon a tamed pontifical bull, as, in that former invasion of Mex ico, the zealous Diaz (spawn though he were of the Scarlet Woman) was favored with a vision of St. James" of Compostclla, skewering the infidels upon his apostolical lance. We read, also, that Richard of the lion heart, having gone to Palestine on a sim ilar errand of mercy, was divinely encouraged to cut the throats of such Paynims as refused to swallow the bread of life (doubt- less that they might be thereafter incapacitated for swallowing the filthy gobbets of Mahound) by angels of heaven, who cried to the king and his knights, Seigneurs, tuez ! tuez! providentially using the French tongue, as being the only one understood by their au ditors. This would argue for the pantoglottism of these cele.ftial intelligences, while, on the other hand, the Devil, teste Cotton Mather, is unversed in certain of the Indian dialects. Yet must he be a semeiologist the most expert- making himself intelligible THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 29 to every people and kindred by signs ; no other discourse, indeed, being needful, than such as the mackerel-fisher holds with his finned quarry, who, if other bait be wanting, can by a bare bit of white rag at the end of a string captivate those foolish fishes. Such piscatorial oratory is Satan cunning in. Before one lie trails a hat and feather, or a bare feather without a hat ; before another, a Presidential chair, or a tidewaitcr s stool, or a pulpit in the city no matter what. To us, dangling there over our heads, they seem junkets dropped out of the seventh heaven, sops dipped in nectar, but, once in our mouths, they are all one, bits of fuzzy cotton. This, however, by the way. It is time now revocare gradum "While so many miracles of this sort, vouched by eyewitnesses, have encouraged the arms of Papists, not to speak of those Dioscuri (whom we must conclude imps of the pit) who sundrj times captained the pagan Roman soldiery, it is strange that our first American crusade was not in some such wise also signalized Yet it is said that the Lord hath manifestly prospered our armies This opens the question, whether, when our hands are strengthened to make great slaughter of our enemies, it be absolutely and demonstratively certain that this might is added to us from above, or whether some Potentate from an opposite quarter may not have a finger in it, as there are few pics into which his meddling digits are not thrust. Would the Sanctificr and Sctter-apart of the seventh day have assisted in a victory gained on the Sabbath, as was one in the late war ? Or has that day become less an ob ject of his especial care since the year 1697, when so manifest a providence occurred to Mr. William Trowbridgc, in answer to whose prayers, when he and all on shipboard Avith him were starving, a dolphin was sent daily, " which was enough to serve em ; only on Saturday* they still catchcd a couple, and on the 30 THE BIGLOV PAPERS. Lord s Days they could catch none at all " ? Haply they might have been permitted, by way of mortification, to take some few sculpins (those banes of the salt-water angler), which unseemly fish would, moreover, have conveyed to them a symbolical reproof for their breach of the day, being known in the rude dialect of our mariners as Cape Cod Clergymen. It has been a refreshment to many nice consciences to know that our Chief Magistrate would not regard with eyes of approval -he (by many esteemed) sinful pastime of dancing, and I own myself to be so far of that mind, that I could not but set my face against this Mexican Polka, though danced to the Presidential piping with a Gubernatorial second. If ever the country should be seized with another such mania de paropagandd jide, I think it would be wise to fill our bombshells with alternate copies of the Cambridge Platform and the Thirty-nine Articles, which would produce a mixture of the highest explosive power, and to wrap every one of our cannon-balls in a leaf of the New Testament, the reading of which is denied to those who sit in the darkness of Popery. Those iron evangelists would thus be able to dissemi nate vital religion and Gospel truth in quarters inaccessible to the ordinary missionary. I have seen lads, unimpregnate with the more sublimated punctiliousness of Walton, secure pickerel, taking their unwary siesta beneath the lily-pads too nigh the sur face, with a gun and small shot. Why not, then, since gunpowder was unknown to the Apostles (not to enter here upon the question whether it were discovered before that period by the Chinese), suit our metaphor to the age in which we live and say shooters as well as fishers of men 1 I do much fear that we shall be seized now and then with A Protestant fervor, as long as we have neighbour Naboths wLost 1 HE BIGLOW PAPERb. 31 wallopings in Papistical mire excite our horror in exact propor tion to the size and desirableness of their vineyards. Yet I rejoice that some earnest Protestants have been made by this war, I mean those who protested against it. Fewer they were than I could wish, for one might imagine America to have been colonized by a tribe of those nondescript African animal s the Aye-Ayes, so difficult a word is No to us all. There is some malformation or defect of the vocal organs, which either prevents our uttering it at all, or gives it so thick a pronunciation as to be unintelligible. A mouth filled with the national pudding, or watering in expectation thereof, is wholly incompetent to this refractory monosyllable. An abject and herpetic Public Opinion is the Pope, the Anti- Christ, for us to protest against e corde cordium. And by what College of Cardinals is this our God s-vicar, our binder and looser, elected ? Very like, by the sacred conclave of Tag, Rag, and Bobtail, in the gracious atmosphere of the grog-shop. Yet it is of this that we must all be puppets. This thumps the pulpit- cushion, this guides the editor s pen, this wags the senator s tongue. This decides what Scriptures arc canonical, and shuffles Christ away into the Apocrypha. According to that sentence fathered upon Solon, Ourco drjfioTLOv KCLKOV fp%Tai oiVaS ocaorep. This unclean spirit is skilful to assume various shapes. I have known it to enter my own study and nudge my elbow of a Saturday, under the semblance of a wealthy member of my congregation. It were a great blessing, if every particular of what in the sum we call popular sentiment could carry about the name of its manu facturer stamped legibly upon it. I gave a stab under the fifth rib to that pestilent fallacy, " Our country, right or wrong," by tracing its original to a speech of Ensign Cilley at a dinner of the Bungtown "Fencibles. H. W.] BO. in. WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS. [A FEW remarks on the following verses will not be out of place. The satire in them was not meant to have any personal, but only a general, application. Of the gentleman upon whose letter they were intended as a commentary Mr. Biglow had never heard, till he saw the letter itself. The position of the satirist is oftentimes one which he would not have chosen, had the election been left to himself. In attacking bad principles, he is obliged to select some individual who has made himself their exponent, and in whom they are impersonate, to the end that what he says may not, through ambiguity, be dissipated tenues in auras. For what says Seneca ? Longum iter per prcccepta, breve et efficace per exempla. A bad principle is comparatively harmless while it continues to bo an abstraction, nor can the general mind comprehend it fully till ii; is printed in that large type which all men can read at sight, namely, the life and character, the sayings and doings, of particu lar persons. It is one of the cunningest fetches of Satan, that he never exposes himself directly to our arrows, but, still dodging behind this neighbour or that acquaintance, compels us to wound him through them, if at all. He holds our affections as hostages, the while he patches up a truce with our conscience. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 33 Meanwhile, lit us not forget that the aim of the true satirist is not to be severe upon persons, but only upon falsehood, and, as Truth and Falsehood start from the same point, and sometimes even go along together for a little way, his business is to follow the path of the latter after it diverges, and to show her floundci ing in the bog at the end of it. Truth is quite beyond the reach of satire. There is so brave a simplicity in her, that she can no more be made ridiculous than an oak or a pine. The danger of the satirist is, that continual use may deaden his sensibility to the force of language. He becomes more and more liable to strike harder than he knows or intends. He may be careful to put on his boxing-gloves, and yet forget, that, the older they grow, the more plainly may the knuckles inside be felt. Moreover, in the heat of contest, the eye is insensibly drawn to the crown of victory, whose tawdry tinsel glitters through that dust of the ring which obscures Truth s wreath of simple leaves. I have sometimes thought that my young friend, Mr Biglow, needed a monitory hand laid on his arm, aUqitid sufflaminandus erat. I have never thought it good husbandry to Avater the tender plants of reform with aquafortis, yet, where so much is to do in the beds, he were a sorry gardener who should w r age a whole day s war with an iron scuffle on those ill weeds that make the garden-walks of life un sightly, when a sprinkle of Attic salt will wither them up. Est ars etiam maledicendi, says Scaligcr, and truly it is a hard thing to say where the graceful gentleness of the lamb merges in down right sltcepishness. We may conclude with worthy and wise Dr. Fuller, that " one may be a lamb in private wrongs, but in hearing general affronts to goodness they arc asses which are not lions." H. W.] 34 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. GUVENER B. is a sensible man ; He stays to his home an looks arter his folks , He draws his furrer ez straight ez he can, An into nobody s tater-patch pokes ; But John P. Robinson he Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B. My ! aint it terrible ? Wut shall we du ? We can t never choose him, o course, thet s flat Guess we shall hev to come round, (don t you ? ) An go in fer thunder an guns, an all that ; Fer John P. Robinson he Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B. Gineral C. is a dreffle smart man : He s ben on all sides thet give places or pelf ; But consistency still wuz a part of his plan, He s ben true to one party, an thet is himself . - - So John P. Robinson he Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 35 Gineral C. he goes in fer the war ; He don t vally principle more n an old cud ; Wut did God make us raytional creeturs fer, But glory an gunpowder, plunder an blood ? So John P. Robinson he Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C. We were gittin on nicely up here to our village, With good old idees o wut s right an wut aint, We kind o thought Christ went agin war an pillage, An thet eppyletts worn t the best mark of a saint ; But John P. Robinson he Sez this kind o thing s an exploded idee. The side of our country must oilers be took, An Presidunt Polk, you know, he is our country ; An the angel thet writes all our sins in a book Puts the debit to him, an to us the per contry ; An John P. Robinson he Sez this is his view o the thing to a T. 36 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Parson Wilbur he calls all these argimunts lies ; Sez they re nothin on airth but jest fee,faw,fum ; An thet all this big talk of our destinies Is half on it ignorance, an t other half rum ; But John P. Robinson he Sez it aint no sech thing ; an , of course, so must wa Parson Wilbur sez he never heerd in his life Thet th Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats An marched round in front of a drum an a fife, To git some on em office, an some on em votes ; But John P. Robinson he Sez they did n t know everythin down in Judee. Wai, it s a marcy we ve gut folks to tell us The rights an the wrongs o these matters, I vow, God sends country lawyers, an other wise fellers, To drive the world s team wen it gits in a slough ; Per John P. Robinson he Sez the world 11 go right, ef he hollers out Gee ! THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 37 [The attentive reader will doubtless have perceived in the forego ing poem an allusion to that pernicious sentiment, " Our country, right or wrong." It is an abuse of language to call a certain por tion of land, much more, certain personages elevate il for the time being to high station, our country. I would not sever nor loosen a single one of those ties by which we are united to the spot of our birth, nor minish by a tittle the respect due to the Magistrate. I love our own Bay State too well to do the one, and as for the other, I have myself for nigh forty years exercised, however un worthily, the function of Justice of the Peace, having been called thereto by the unsolicited kindness of that most excellent man and upright patriot, Caleb Strong. Patrice, fumus igne alieno luculentior is best qualified with this, Ubi libertas, ibi patria. We are in habitants of two worlds, and owe a double, but not a divided, alle giance. In virtue of our clay, this little ball of earth exacts a certain loyalty of us, while, in our capacity as spirits, we are ad mitted citizens of an invisible and holier fatherland. There is a patriotism of the soul whose claim absolves us from our other and terrene fealty. Our true country is that ideal realm which we represent to ourselves under the names of religion, duty, and the like. Our terrestrial organizations are but far-off approaches to so fair a model, and all they are verily traitors who resist not any at tempt to divert them from this their original intendment. When, therefore, one would have us to fling up our caps and shout with the multitude, " Our country, however bounded ! " he demands of us that we sacrifice the larger to the less, the higher to the lower, and that we yield to the imaginary claims of a few acres of soil our duty and privilege as liegemen of Truth. Our true country is bounded on the north and the south, on the east ard the west, by Justice, and when she oversteps that invisible 38 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. boundary-line by so much as a hair s-breadth, she ceases to be our mother, and chooses rather to be looked upon quasi noverca. That is a hard choice, when our earthly love of country calls upon us to tread one path and our duty points us to another. We must make as noble and becoming an election as did Penelope between Icarius and Ulysses. Veiling our faces, we must take silently the hand of Duty to follow her. Shortly after the publication of the foregoing poem, there ap peared some comments upon it in one of the public prints which seemed to call for some animadversion. I accordingly addressed to Mr. Buckingham, of the Boston Courier, the following letter. " JAALAM, November 4, 1847. " To the Editor of the Courier : "RESPECTED SIR, Calling at the post-office this morning, our worthy and efficient postmaster offered for my perusal a para graph in the Boston Morning Post of the 3d instant, wherein cer tain effusions of the pastoral muse are attributed to the pen of Mr. James Russell Lowell. For aught I know or can affirm to the contrary, this Mr. Lowell may be a very deserving person and a youth of parts (though I have seen verses of his which I could never rightly understand) ; and if he be such, he. I am certain, as well as I, would be free from any proclivity to appro priate to himself, whatever of credit (or discredit) may honestly belong to another. I am confident, that, in penning these few lines, I am only forestalling a disclaimer from that young gentle man, whose silence hitherto, when rumor pointed to himward, has excited in my bosom mingled emotions of sorrow and surprise. Well may my young parishioner, Mr. Biglow, exclaim with the poet, Sic vos non vobis &c. ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 39 though, in saying this, I would not convey the impression that he is a proficient in the Latin tongue, the tongue, I might add, of a Horace and a Tully. " Mr. B. does not employ his pen, I can safely say, for any lucre of worldly gain, or to be exalted by the carnal plaudits of men, digit? monstrari, &c. He does not wait upon Providence for mer cies, and in his heart mean merces. But I should esteem myself as verily deficient in my duty (who am his friend and in some un- vtnrthy sort his spiritual Jidus Achates, c.), if I did not step for ward to claim for him whatever measure of applause might be assigned to him by the judicious. " If this were a fitting occasion, I might venture here a brief dis sertation touching the manner and kind of my young friend s poetry. But I dubitate whether this abstruser sort of speculation (though enlivened by some apposite instances from Aristophanes) would sufficiently interest your oppidan readers. As regards their satirical tone, and their plainness of speech, I will only say, that, in my pastoral experience, I have found that the Arch-Enemy loves nothing better than to be treated as a religious, moral, and intellectual being, and that there is no apage Sathanas ! so potent as ridicule. But it is a kind of weapon that must have a button of good-nature on the point of it. " The productions of Mr. B. have been stigmatized in seme quarters as unpatriotic ; but I can vouch that he loves his native soil with that hearty, though discriminating, attachment which springs from an intimate social intercourse of many years standing. In iV* the ploughing season, no one has a decpef share in the well-being of the country than he. If Dean Swift were right in saying that he who makes two blades of grass grow where one grew before confers a greater benefit on the state than he who taketh a city, ... 40 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Mr. B. might exhibit a fairer claim to the Presidency than General Scott himself. I think that some of those disinterested lovers of the hard-handed democracy, whose fingers have never touched any thing rougher than the dollars of our common country, would hesitate to compare palms with him. It would do your heart good, respected Sir, to sec that young man mow lie cats a cleaner and wider swarth than any in this town. u But it is time for me to be at my Post. It is very clear that my young friend s shot has struck the lintel, for the Post is shaken (Amos ix. 1). The editor of that paper is a strenuous advocate of the Mexican war, and a colonel, as I am given to understand. I presume, that, being necessarily absent in Mexico, he has left his journal in some less judicious hands. At any rate, the Post has been too swift on this occasion. It could hardly have cited a more incontrovertible line from any poem than that which it lias select ed for animadversion, namely, We kind o thought Christ went agm war an pillage. * If the Post maintains the converse of this proposition, it can "hardly be considered as a safe guide-post for the moral and relig ious portions of its party, however many other excellent qualities of a post it may be blessed with. There is a sign in London on which is painted, The Green Man. It would do very well as a portrait of any individual who would support so unscriptural a thesis. As regards the language of the line in question. I am bold to say that He who rcadcth the hearts of men will not ac count any dialect unseemly which conveys a sound and pious sentiment. I could wish that such sentiments were more common, however uncouthly expressed. Saint Ambrose affirms, that veritas a quocunque (why not, then, quomodocunque ? ) dicatur, a spirit* THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 41 sancto est. Digest also this of Baxter : The plainest -words are the most profitable oratory in the weightiest matters. " When the paragraph in question was shown to Mr. Biglow, the only part of it which seemed to give him any dissatisfaction was that which classed him with the Whig party. He says, that, if resolutions are a nourishing kind of diet, that party must be in a very hearty and nourishing condition ; for that they have quietly eaten more good ones of their own baking than he could have conceived to be possible without repletion. He has been for some years past (I regret to say) an ardent opponent of those sound doctrines of protective policy which form so prominent a portion of the creed of that party. I confess, that, in some discussions which I have had with him on this point in my study, he has dis played a vein of obstinacy which I had not hitherto detected in his composition. He is also (horresco referens) infected in no small measure with the peculiar notions of a print called the Liberator, whose heresies I take every proper opportunity of combating, and of which, I thank God, I have never read a single line. " I did not see Mr. B. s verses until they appeared in print, and there is certainly one thing in them which I consider highly im proper. I allude to the personal references to myself by name. To confer notoriety on an humble individual who is laboring quietly in his vocation, and who keeps his cloth as free as he can from the dust of the political arena (though vce mihi si non evan- gelizavero), is no doubt ah indecorum. The sentiments which he attributes to me I will not deny to be mine. They were em bodied, though in a different form, in a discourse preached upon the last day of public fasting, and were acceptable to my entire people (of whatever political views), except the postmaster, who dissented ex officio. I observe that you sometimes devote a por 42 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. rion of your paper to a religious summary. I should be weh pleased to furnish a copy of my discourse for insertion in this department of your instructive journal. By omitting the adver tisements, it might easily be got within the limits of a single number, and I venture to insure you the sale of some scores of copies in this town. I will cheerfully render myself responsible for ten. It might possibly be advantageous to issue it as an extra. But perhaps you will not esteem it an object, and I will not press it. My offer does not spring from any weak desire of seeing my name in print ; for I can enjoy this satisfaction at any time by turning to the Triennial Catalogue of the University, where it also possesses that added emphasis of Italics with which those of my calling are distinguished. " I would simply add, that I continue to fit ingenuous youth for college, and that I have two spacious and airy sleeping apart ments at this moment unoccupied. Ingenuas didicisse, &c. Terms, which vary according to the circumstances of the parents, may be known on application to me by letter, post paid. In all cases the lad will be expected to fetch his own towels. This rule, Mrs. W desires me to add, has no exceptions. " Respectfully, your obedient servant, "HOMER WILBUR, A. M. " P. S. Perhaps the last paragraph may look like an attempt to obtain the insertion of my circular gratuitously. If it should appear to you in that light, I desire that you would erase it, or charge for it at the usual rates, and deduct the amount from the proceeds in your hands from the sale of my discourse, when it shall be printed. My circular is much longer and more explicit, and will be fonvarded without charge to any who may desire it THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 43 It has been very neatly executed on a letter sheet, by a very de serving printer, who attends upon my ministry, and is a creditable specimen of the typographic art. I have one hung over my mantelpiece in a neat frame, where it makes a beautiful and ap propriate ornament, and balances the profile of Mrs. W., cut with her toes by the young lady born without arms. H. "W." I have in the foregoing letter mentioned General Scott in con nection with the Presidency, because I have been given to under stand that he has blown to pieces and otherwise caused to be de stroyed more Mexicans than any other commander. His claim would therefore be deservedly considered the strongest. Until accurate returns of the Mexican killed, wounded, and maimed be obtained, it will be difficult to settle these nice points of prece dence. Should it prove that any other officer has been more meritorious and destructive than General S., and has thereby ren dered himself more worthy of the confidence and support of the conservative portion of our community, I shall cheerfully insert his name, instead of that of General S., in a future edition. It may be thought, likewise, that General S. has invalidated his claims by too much attention to die decencies of apparel, and the habits belonging to a gentleman. These abstruser points of statesmanship are beyond my scope. I wonder not that success ful military achievement should attract the admiration of the multitude. Rather do I rejoice with wonder to behold how rap idly this sentiment is losing its hold upon the popular mind. It is related of Thomas Warton, the second of that honored name who held the office of Poetry Professor at Oxford, that, when one wished to find him, being absconded, as was his wont, in some ob scure alehouse, he was counselled to traverse the city with a drum 44 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. and fife, the sound of which inspiring music would be sure to draw the Doctor from his retirement into the street. We are all more or less bitten with this martial insanity. Nescio qua dulce- dine cunctos ducit. I confess to some infection of that itch myself. When I see a Brigadier-General maintaining his insecure novation in the saddle under the severe fire of the training-field , and when I remember that some military enthusiasts, through haste, inexperience, or an over-desire to lend reality to those fictitious combats, will sometimes discharge their ramrods, I can not but admire, while I deplore, the mistaken devotion of those heroic officers. Semel insanivimus omnes. I was myself, during the late war with Great Britain, chaplain of a regiment, which was fortunately never called to active military duty. I mention this circumstance with regret rather than pride. Had I been sum moned to actual warfare, I trust that I might have been strength ened to bear myself after the manner of that reverend father in our New England Israel, Dr. Benjamin Colman, who, as we are told in Turell s life of him, when the vessel in which he had taken passage for England was attacked by a French privateer, " fought like a philosopher and a Christian, and prayed all the while he charged and fired." As this note is already long, I shall not here enter upon a discussion of the question, whether Christians may lawfully be soldiers. I think it sufficiently evident, that, during the first two centuries of the Christian era, at least, the two professions were esteemed incompatible. Consult Jortin on this head. H. W.J No. IV. REMARKS OF INCREASE D. C- PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AW EXTIIUMPERY CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REIORTED BY MR. H. BIGLOW. [THE ingenious reader will at once understand that no such Bpeech as the following was ever totidem verbis pronounced. But there are simpler and less guarded wits, for the satisfying of which such an explanation may be needful. For there are certain invisible lines, which as Truth successively overpasses, she be comes Untruth to one and another of us, as a large river, flowing from one kingdom into another, sometimes takes a new name, albeit the waters undergo no change, how small soever. There is, moreover, a truth of fiction more veracious than the truth of fact, as that of the Poet, which represents to us things and events as they ought to be, rather than servilely copies them as they are imperfectly imaged, in the crooked and smoky glass of our mun dane affairs. It is this which makes the speech of Antonius, though originally spoken in no wider a forum than the brain of Shakspcare, more historically valuable than that other which Appian has reported, by as much as the understanding of the Englishman was more comprehensive than that of the Alexan drian. Mr. Biglow, in the present instance, has only made use of a license assumed by all the historians of antiquity, who put into the mouths of various characters such words as seem to them 46 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. most fitting to the occasion and to the speaker. If it be objected that no such oration could ever have been delivered, I answer, that there are few assemblages for speech-making which do not better deserve the title of Parliamentum Indoctorum than did the sixth Parliament of Henry the Fourth, and that men still continue to have as much faith in the Oracle of Fools as ever Pantagruel had. IIowcll, in his letters, recounts a merry tale of a certain ambassa dor of Queen Elizabeth, who, having written two letters, one to her Majesty and the other to his wife, directed them at cross purposes, so that the Queen was bcducked and bcdearcd and re quested to send a change of hose, and the wife was beprincessed and otherwise unwontcdly besuperlatived, till the one feared for the wits of her ambassador, the other for those of her husband. In like manner it may be presumed that our speaker has mis directed some of his thoughts, and given to the whole theatre what he would have wished to confide only to a select auditory at the back of the curtain. For it is seldom that we can get any frank utterance from men, who address, for the most part, a Bun combe either in this world or the next. As for their audiences, it may be truly said of our people, that they enjoy one political insti tution in common with the ancient Athenians : I mean a certain profitless kind of ostracism, wherewith, nevertheless, they seem hith erto well enough content For in Presidential elections, and other affairs of the sort, whereas I observe that the oysters fall to the lot of comparatively few, the shells (such as the privileges of voting as they arc told to do by the ostrivori aforesaid, and of huzzaing at public meetings) are very liberally distributed among the people, as being their prescriptive and quite sufficient portion. The occasion of the speech is supposed to be Mr. Palfrey s re fusal to vote for the Whig candidate for the Speakership. II. W.] THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 47 No ? Hez he ? He haint, though ? Wut ? Voted agin him? Ef the bird of our country could ketch him, she M skin him ; I seem s though I see her, with wrath in each quill Like a chancery lawyer, afilin her bill, An grindin her talents ez sharp ez all nater, To pounce like a writ on the back o the traiter. Forgive me, my friends, ef I seem to be het, But a crisis like this must with vigor be met ; Wen an Arnold the star-spangled banner bestains, Holl Fourth o Julys seem to bile in my veins. Who ever d ha thought sech a pisonous rig Would be run by a chap thet wuz chose fer a Wig ? " We knowed wut his principles wuz fore we sent him " ? Wut wuz ther in them from this vote to pervent him ? A marciful Providunce fashioned us holler O purpose thet we might our principles swaller ; It can hold any quantity on em, the belly can, An bring em up ready fer use like the pelican, 48 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Or more like the kangaroo, who (wich is stranger) Puts her family into her pouch wen there s danger. Aint principle precious ? then, who s goin to use it Wen there s resk o some chap s gittin up to abuse it ? I can t tell the wy on t, but nothin is so sure Ez thet principle kind o gits spiled by exposure ;* A man thet lets all sorts o folks git a sight on t Ough to hev it all took right away, every mite on t ; Ef he can t keep it all to himself wen it s wise to, He aint one it s fit to trust nothin so nice to. Besides, ther s a wonderful power in latitude To shift a man s morril relations an attitude ; * The speaker is of a different mind from Tully, who, in his recently discovered tractate De Republic^ tells us, Nee vero habere virtutem satis est, quasi artem aliquam, nisi utare, and from our Mil ton, who says, "I cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised and unbrcathed, that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but slinks out of the race where that immortal garland is to be run for, not without dust and heat" Areop. He had taken the words out of the Romanes mouth, without knowing it, and might well exclaim with Austin (if a saint s name may stand sponsor for a curse), Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerint ! H. W. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 49 Some fiossifers think thet a fakkilty s granted The minnit it s proved to be thoroughly wanted, Thet a change o demand makes a change o condition An thet everythin s nothnv except by position ; Ez, fer instance, thet rubber-trees fust begun bearin Wen p litickle conshunces come into wearin , Thet the fears of a monkey, whose holt chanced to fail, Drawed the vertibry out to a prehensile tail ; So, wen one s chose to Congriss, ez soon ez he s in it, A collar grows right round his neck in a minnit, An sartin it is thet a man cannot be strict In bein himself, wen he gits to the Deestrict, Fer a coat thet sets wal here in ole Massachusetts, Wen it gits on to Washinton, somehow askew sets. Resolves, do you say, o the Springfield Convention ? Thet s percisely the pint I was goin to mention ; Resolves air a thing we most gen ally keep ill, They re a cheap kind o dust fer the eyes o the people ; A parcel o delligits jest git together An chat fer a spell o the crops an the weather, 4 50 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Then, comin to order, they squabble awile An let off the speeches they re ferful 11 spile ; Then Resolve, Thet we wunt hev an inch o slave territory ; Thet President Folk s holl perceedins air very tory ; Thet the war s a damned war, an them thet enlist in it Should hev a cravat with a drefBe tight twist in it ; Thet the war is a war fer the spreadin o slavery ; Thet our army desarves our best thanks fer their bravery ; Thet we re the original friends o the nation, All the rest air a paltry an base fabrication ; Thet we highly respect Messrs. A, B, an C, An ez deeply despise Messrs. E, F, an G. In this way they go to the eend o the chapter, An then they bust out in a kind of a raptur About their own vartoo, an folks s stone-blindness To the men thet ould actilly do em a kindness, The American eagle, the Pilgrims thet landed, Till on ole Plymouth Rock they git finally stranded. Wai, the people they listen and say, " Thet s the ticket Ez fer Mexico, t aint no great glory to lick it, But t would be a darned shame to go pull in o triggers To extend the aree of abusin the niggers." THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 51 So they march in percessions, an git up hooraws, An tramp thru the mud fer the good o the cause, An think fiey re a kind o fulfillin the prophecies, Wen they re on y jest changin the holders of offices ; Ware A sot afore, B is comf tably seated, One humbug s victor ous, an t other defeated. Each honnable doughface gits jest wut he axes, An the people their annooal soft sodder an taxes. Now, to keep unimpaired all these glorious feeturs Thet characterize morril an reasonin creeturs, Thet give every paytriot all he can cram, Thet oust the untrustworthy Presidunt Flam, And stick honest Presidunt Sham in his place, To the manifest gain o the holl human race, An to some indervidgewals on t in partickler, Who love Public Opinion an know how to tickle her, I say thet a party with great aims like these Must stick jest ez close ez a hive full o bees. I m willin a man should go tollable strong Agin wrong in the abstract, fer thet kind o 52 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. Is oilers unpopular an 1 never gits pitied, Because it s a crime no one never committed ; But he mus n t be hard on partickler sins, Coz then he ll be kickin the people s own shins ; On y look at the Dem mere rats, see wut they ve dono Jest simply by stickin together like fun ; They ve sucked us right into a mis able war Thet no one on airth aint responsible for ; They ve run us a hunderd cool millions in debt, (An fer Demmercrat Homers ther s good plums left yet ) , They talk agin tayriffs, but act fer a high one, An so coax all parties to build up their Zion ; To the people they re oilers ez slick ez molasses, An butter their bread on both sides with The Masses, Half o whom they ve persuaded, by way of a joke, Thet Washinton s mantelpiece fell upon Polk. Now all o these blessins the Wigs might enjoy, Ef they d gumption enough the right means to imploy ;* * That was a pithy saying of Pcrsius, and fits our politicians without a wrinkle, Magister artis, ingeniique largitor venter. H W. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 53 Per the silver spoon born in Dermocracy s mouth Is a kind of a scringe thet they hev to the South ; Their masters can cuss em an kick em an wale "em, An they notice it less an the ass did to Balaam ; In this way they screw into second-rate offices Wich the slaveholder thinks ould substract too much off his ease ; The file-leaders, I mean, du, fer they, by their wiles, Unlike the old viper, grow fat on their files. Wai, the Wigs hev been tryin to grab all this prey frum em An to hook this nice spoon o good fortin away frum em, An they might ha succeeded, ez likely ez not, In lickin the Demmercrats all round the lot, Ef it warn t thet, wile all faithful Wigs were their knees on, Some stuffy old codger would holler out, " Treason ! You must keep a sharp eye on a dog thet hez bit you once, An I aint agoin to cheat my constitoounts," Wen every fool knows thet a man represents Not the fellers thet sent him, but them on the fence, 54 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Impartially ready to jump either side An make the fust use of a turn o the tide, The waiters on Providunce here in the city, Who compose wut they call a State Centerl Committy. Constitoounts air hendy to help a man in, But artervvards don t weigh the heft of a pin. Wy, the people can t all live on Uncle Sam s pus, So they ve nothin to du with t fer better or wus ; It s the folks thet air kind o brought up to depend on t Thet hev any consarn in t, an thet is the end on *L Now here wuz New England ahevin the honor Of a chance at the Speakership showered upon her ; Do you say, " She don t want no more Speakers but fewer ; She s hed plenty o them, wut she wants is a doer " ? Fer the matter o thet, it s notorous in town Thet her own representatives du hr quite brown. But thet s nothin to du with it ; wut right hed Palfiey To mix himself up with fanatical small fry ? Warn t we gittin on prime with our hot an cold blowin Acondemnin the war wilst we kep 1 it agoin ? THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 55 We d assumed with gret skill a command in 1 position, On this side or thet, no one could n t tell wich one, So, wutever side wipped, we d a chance at the plunder An could sue fer infringin our paytented thunder; We were ready to vote fer whoever wuz eligible, Ef on all pints at issoo he d stay unintelligible. Wai, sposin we hed to gulp down our perfessions, We were ready to come out next mornin with fresh ones; Besides, ef we did, t was our business alone, Fer could n t we du wut we would with our own ? An ef a man can, wen pervisions hev riz so, Eat up his own words, it s a marcy it is so. Wy, these chaps frum the North, with back-bones to em, darn em, Quid be wuth more an Gennle Tom Thumb is to Barnum ; Ther s enough thet to office on this very plan grow, By exhibitin how very small a man can grow ; But an M. C. frum here oilers hastens to state he Belongs to the order called invertebraty, 56 THE BIGLOW PAPERb. Wence some gret filologists judge primy fashy Thet M. C. is M. T. by paronomashy ; An these few exceptions air loosus naytury Folks ould put down their quarters to stare at, like fury It s no use to open the door o success, Ef a member can bolt so fer nothin or less ; Wy, all o them grand constitootional pillers Our four fathers fetched with em over the billers, Them pillers the people so soundly hev slept on, Wile to slav ry, invasion, an debt they were swept on, Wile our Destiny higher an higher kep mountin , (Though I guess folks 11 stare wen she hends her account in,) Ef members in this way go kickin agin em, They wunt hev so much ez a feather left in em. An , ez fer this Palfrey,* we thought wen we d gut him in, He i go kindly in wutever harness we put him in ; * There is truth yet in this of Juvenal, " Dat veniam corvis, vexat ceasura columbas." THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 57 Supposin we did know thet he wuz a peace man ? Doos he think he can be Uncle Samwell s policeman, An wen Sam gits tipsy an kicks up a riot, Lead him off to the lockup to snooze till he s quiet ? Wy, the war is a war thet true paytriots can bear, ef It leads to the fat promised land of a tayriff ; We don t go an fight it, nor aint to be driv on, Nor Demmercrats nuther, thet hev wut to live on ; Ef it aint jest the thing thet s well pleasin to God, It makes us thought highly on elsewhere abroad ; The Rooshian black eagle looks blue in his eerie An shakes both his heads wen he hears o Monteery ; In the Tower Victory sets, all of a fluster, An reads, with locked doors, how we won Cherry Buster ; An old Philip Lewis thet come an kep school here Per the mere sake o scorin his ryalist ruler On the tenderest part of our kings infuturo Hides his crown underneath an old shut in his bureau, Breaks off in his brags to a suckle o merry kings, How he often hed hided young native Amerrikins, 58 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An , turnin quite faint in the midst of his fooleries, Sneaks down stairs to bolt the front door o the Tooleries.* You say, " We d ha scared em by grovvin in peace, A plaguy sight more then by bobberies like these " ? Who is it dares say thet " our naytional eagle Wun t much longer be classed with the birds thet air regal, * Jortin is willing to allow of other miracles besides those re corded in Holy Writ, and why not of other prophecies ? It is granting too much to Satan to suppose him, as divers of the learned have done, the inspirer of the ancient oracles. Wiser, I esteem it, to give chance the credit of the successful ones. What is said here of Louis Philippe was verified in some of its minute particulars within a few months time. Enough to have made the fortune of Delphi or Hammon, and no thanks to Beelzebub neither ! That of Seneca in Medea will suit here : "Rapida fortuna ac levig, Praccepsque reguo eripuit, exsilio dedit." Let us allow, even to richly deserved misfortune, our commis eration, and be not over-hasty meanwhile in our censure of the French people, left for the first time to govern themselves, re membering that wise sentence of JEschylus, "Anas Se rpa%vs ocrns civ viov Kparfj. H. W THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 59 Coz theirn be hooked beaks, an she, arter this slaughter, 11 bring back a bill ten times longer n she ough to " ? Wut s your name ? Come, I see ye, you up-country feller, You ve put me out severil times with your beller ; Out with it ! Wut ? Biglow ? I say nothin furder, Thet feller would like nothin better n a murder ; He s a traiter, blasphemer, an wut ruther worse is, He puts all his ath ism in dreffle bad verses ; Socity airit safe till sech monsters air out on it, Refer to the Post, ef you hev the least doubt on it ; Wy, he goes agin war, agin indirect taxes, Agin sellin wild lands cept to settlers with axes, Agin holdin o slaves, though he knows it s the corner Our libbaty rests on, the mis able scorner! ^In short, he would wholly upset with his ravages All thet keeps us above the brute critters an savages, An pitch into all kinds o briles an confusions The holl of our civilized, free institutions ; He writes fer thet rather unsafe print, the Courier, An likely ez not hez a squintin to Foorier ; 60 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. I 11 be , thet is, I mean I 11 be blest, Ef I hark to a word frum so noted a pest; I shan t talk with him, my religion s too fervent. Good mornin , .my friends, I m your most humble servant. [ Into the question, whether the ability to express ourselves in articulate language has been productive of more good or evil, I shall not here enter at large. The two faculties of speech and of speech-making arc wholly diverse in their natures. By the first we make ourselves intelligible, by the last unintelligible, to our fellows. It has not seldom occurred to me (noting how in our national legislature every thing runs to talk, as lettuces, if the season or the soil be unpropitious, shoot up lankly to seed, instead of forming handsome heads) that Babel was the first Congress., the earliest mill erected for the manufacture of gabble. In these days, what with Town Meetings, School Committees, Boards; (lumber) of one kind and another, Congresses, Parliaments, Diets, Indian Councils, Palavers, and the like, there is scarce a village; which has not its factories of this description driven by (milk-and-) water power. I cannot conceive the confusion of tongues to have been the curse of Babel, since I esteem my ignorance of other languages as a kind of Martello-tower, in which I am safo from the furious bombardments of foreign garrulity. For this reason I have ever preferred the study of the dead languages, those primitive formations being Ararats upon whose silent peaks I sit secure and watch this new deluge without fear, though it rain figures (simulacra, semblances) of speech forty days and THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 61 nights together, as it not uncommonly happens Thus is my coat, as it were, without buttons by which any but a vernacular Avilcl bore can seize me. Is it not possible that the Shakers may intend to convey a quiet reproof and hint, in fastening their outer gar ments with hooks and eyes ? This reflection concerning Babel, which I find in no Commen tary, was first thrown upon my mind when an excellent deacon of my congregation (being infected with the Second Advent delu sion) assured me that he had received a first instalment of the gift of tongues as a small earnest of larger possessions in the like kind to follow. For, of a truth, I could not reconcile it with my ideas of the Divine justice and mercy that the single wall which protected people of other languages from the incursions ot thir otherwise well-meaning propagandist should be broken down In reading Congressional debates, I have fancied, that, after thi subsidence of those painful buzzings in the brain which resul* from such exercises, I detected a slender residuum of valuable in formation. I made the discovery that nothing takes longer in th< saying than any thing else, for, as ex nihilo nihiljit, so from one polypus nothing any number of similar ones may be produced. 1 would recommend to the attention of vivA voce debaters and con troversialists the admirable example of the monk Copres, who, in the fourth century, stood for half an hour in the midst of a great fire, and ^hereby silenced a Manichoian antagonist who had less of the salamander in him. As for those who quarrel in print, 1 have no concern with them here, since the eyelids are a Divinely- granted shield against all such. Moreover, I have observed in many modern books that the printed portion is becoming gradually smaller, and the number of blank or fly-leaves (as they ar& called) greater. Should this fortunate tendency of literature con 62 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. tinue, books will grow more valuable from year to year, and the whole Scrbonian bog yield to the advances of firm arable land. I have wondered, in the Representatives Chamber of our own Commonwealth, to mark how little impression seemed to be pro duced by that emblematic fish suspended over the heads of the members. Our wiser ancestors, no doubt, hung it there as being the animal which the Pythagoreans reverenced for its silence, and which certainly in that particular does not so well merit the epithet cold-blooded, by which naturalists distinguish it, as certain bipeds, afflicted with ditch-water on the brain, who take occasion to tap themselves in Fanueil Halls, meeting-houses, and other places of public resort. II. W.] No. V. THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT. SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME. [THE incident which gave rise to the debate satirized in the fol lowing verses was the unsuccessful attempt of Drayton and Sayres to give freedom to seventy men and women, fellow-beings and fellow-Christians. Had Tripoli, instead of Washington, been the scene of this undertaking, the unhappy leaders in it would have been as secure of the theoretic as they now are of the prac tical part of martyrdom. I question whether the Dey of Tripoli is blessed with a District Attorney so benighted as ours at the seat of government. Very fitly is he named Key, who would allow himself to be made the instrument of locking the door of hope against sufferers in such a cause. Not all the waters of the ocean can cleanse the vile smutch of the jailer s fingers from off that little Key. Ahenea clavis, a brazen Key indeed ! Mr. Calhoun, who is made the chief speaker in this burlesque, seems to think that the light of the nineteenth century is to be put out as soon as he tinkles his little cow-bell curfew. Whenever slavery is touched, he sets up his scarecrow of dissolving the Union. This may do for the North, but I should conjecture that 64 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. something more than a pumpkin-lantern is required to scare man ifest and irretrievable Destiny out of her path. Mr.. Culhoun cannot let go the apron-string of the Past. The Past is a good nurse, but we must be weaned from her sooner or later, even though, like Plotinus, we should run home from school to ask the breast, after we are tolerably well-grown youths. It will not do for us to hide our faces in her lap, whenever the strange Futuic holds out her arms and asks us to come to her. But we are all alike. We have all heard it said, often enough, that little boys must not play with fire ; and yet, if the matches be taken away from us and put out of reach upon the shelf, we must needs get into our little corner, and scowl and stamp and threaten the dire revenge of going to bed without our supper. The world shall stop till we get our dangerous plaything again. Dame Earth, meanwhile, who has more than enough household matters to mind, goes bustling hither and thither as a hiss or a sputter tells her that this or that kettle of hers is boiling over, and before bedtime we are glad to eat our porridge cold, and gulp down our dignity along with it. Mr. Calhoun has somehow acquired the name of a great states man, and, if it be great statesmanship to put lance in rest and run a tilt at the Spirit of the Age with the certainty of being next moment hurled neck and heels into the dust amid universal laughter, he deserves the title. He is the Sir Kay of our modern chivalry. He should remember the old Scandinavian mythus. Thor was the strongest of gods, but he could not wrestle with Time, nor so much as lift up a fold of the great snake which knit the universe together; and when he smote the Earth, though with his terrible mallet, it was but as if a leaf had fallen. Yet all the while it seemed to Thor uiat he had only been wrestling with THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 65 an old woman, striving to lift a cat, and striking a stupid giant on the head. And in old times, doubtless, the giants were stupid, and there was no better sport for the Sir Launcelots and Sir Gawains than to go about cutting off their great blundering heads with en chanted swords. But things have wonderfully changed. It is the giants, now-a-days, that have the science and the intelligence, while the chivalrous Don Quixotes of Conservatism still cumber themselves with the clumsy armour of a by-gone age. On whirls the restless globe through unsounded time, with its cities and its silences, its births and funerals, half light, half shade, but never wholly dark, and sure to swing round into the happy morning at last. With an involuntary smile, one sees Mr. Calhoun letting slip his pack-thread cable with a crooked pin at the end of it to anchor South Carolina upon the bank and shoal of the Past. H. W.] TO MR. BUCKENAM. MR. EDITER, As i wuz kinder prunin round, in a lit tle nussry sot out a year or 2 a go, the Dbait in the sennit cum inter my mine An so i took & Sot it to wut I call a nussry rime. I hev made sum onnable Gentle- ir.un speak that dident speak in a Kind uv Poetikul lie sense the seeson is dreffle backerd up This way ewers as ushul HOSEA BIGLOW. 5 66 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. " HERE we stan on the Constitution, by thunder ! It s a fact o wich thcr s hushils o proofs ; Fjr how could we trample on t so, I wonder, Ef t worn t thet it s oilers under our hoofs ? " Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; " Human rights liaint no more Right to come on this floor, No more n the man in the moon," sez he. " The North haint no kind o bisness with nothin , An you ve no idee how much bother it saves ; We aint none riled by their frettin an frothin , We re used to layin the string on our slaves," Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; Sez Mister Foote, " I should like to shoot The holl gang, by the gret horn spoon ! " sez he. " Freedom s Keystone is Slavery, thet thcr s no doubt on, It s sutthin thet s wha d ye call it ? divine, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 67 An the slaves thet we oilers make the most out on Air them north o Mason an Dixon s line," Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; " Per all thet," sez Mangum, " T would be better to hang em, An so git red on em soon," sez he. " The mass ough to labor an we lay on soffies, Thet s the reason I want to spread Freedom s aree ; It puts all the cunriinest on us in office, An reelises our Maker s orig nal idee," Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; " Thet s ez plain," sez Cass, " Ez thet some one s an ass, It s ez clear ez the sun is at noon," sez he. "Now don t go to say I m the friend of oppres- sion, But keep all your spare breath fer coolin your broth, Per I oilers hev strove (at least thet s my impres sion) To make cussed free with the rights o the Nc rth," 6& THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; " Yes," sez Davis o Miss. " The perfection o bliss Is in skinnin thet same old coon," sez he. * Slavery s a thing thet depends on complexion, It s God s law thet fetters on black skins don t chafe Ef brains wuz to settle it (horrid reflection !) Wich of our onnable body d be safe ? " Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; Sez Mister Hannegan, Afore he began agin, . Thet exception is quite oppertoon," sez he. " Gen nle Cass, Sir, you need n t be twitchin your collar, Your merit s quite clear by the dut on your knees, At the North we don t make no distinctions o color ; You can all take a lick at our shoes wen you please, 1 Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; Sez Mister Jarnagin, " They wunt hev to larn agin, They all on em know the old toon," sez he. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 69 " The slavery question aint no ways bewilderin . North an 1 South hev one interest, it s plain to a glance , No them men, like us patriarchs, don t sell their childrin, But they du sell themselves, ef they git a good chance," Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; Sez Atherton here, " This is gittin severe. I wish I could dive like a loon," sez he. " It 11 break up the Union, this talk about freedom, An your fact ry gals (soon ez we split) 11 make head. An gittin some Miss chief or other to lead em, 11 go to work raisin promiscoous Ned," Sez John C. Galhoun, sez he ; " Yes, the North," sez Colquitt, " Ef we Southerners all quit, Would go down like a busted balloon, * sez he. " Jest look wut is doin , wut annyky s brewin In the beautiful clime o the olive an vine, All the wise aristoxy is tumblin to ruin, An the sankylots drorin an drinkin their wine," 70 THE EIGLOW PAPERS. Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; " Yes," sez Johnson, " in France They re beginnin to dance Beelzebub s own rigadoon," sez he. " The South s safe enough, it don t feel a mite skeery, Our slaves in their darkness an dut air tu blest Not to welcome with proud hallylugers the ery Wen our eagle kicks yourn from the naytional nest," Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; " O," sez Westcott o Florida, " Wut treason is horrider Then our priv leges tryin to proon ? " sez he " It s coz they re so happy, thet, wen crazy sarpints Stick their nose in our bizness, we git so darned riled ; We think it s our dooty to give pooty sharp hints, Thet the last crumb of Edin on airth shan t be spiled, 1 Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ; " Ah," sez Dixon H. Lewis, " It perfectly true is Thet slavery s airth s grettest boon," sez he. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 71 [ It was said of old time, that riches have wings ; and, though this be not applicable in a literal strictness to the wealth of our patriarchal brethren of the South, yet it is clear that their posses sions have legs, and an unaccountable propensity for using them in a northerly direction. I marvel that the grand jury of Wash ington did not find a true bill against the North Star for aiding and abetting Drayton and Sayres. It would have been quite of a piece with the intelligence displayed by the South on other ques tions connected with slavery. I think that no ship of state was ever freighted with a more veritable Jonah than this same domestic institution of ours. Mephistopheles himself could not feign so bit terly, so satirically sad a sight as this of three millions of human beings crushed beyond help or hope by this one mighty argument, Our fathers kneiu no better ! Nevertheless, it is the unavoidable destiny of Jonahs to be cast overboard sooner or later. Or shall we try the experiment of hiding our Jonah in a safe place, that none may lay hands on him to make jetsam of him ? Let us, then, with equal forethought and Avisdom, lash ourselves to the an chor, and await, in pious confidence, the ccrtu n result. Perhaps our suspicious passenger is no Jonah after all, being black. For it is well known that a superintending Providence made a kind of sandwich of Ham and his descendants, to be devoured by the Caucasian race. In God s name, let all, who hear nearer and nearer the hungry moan of the storm and the growl of the breakers, speak out ! But, alas ! we have no right to interfere. If a man pluck an ap pie of mine, he shall be in danger of the justice ; but if he steal my brother, I must be silent. Who says this 1 Our Constitution, consecrated by the callous suctudc of sixty years, and grasped in triumphant argument in the left hand of him wlr>sc right hand 72 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. clutches the clotted slave-whip. Justice, venerable with the unde thronahlc majesty of countless scons, says, SPEAK ! The Past, wise with the sorrows and desolations of ages, from amid her shattered fanes and wolf-housing palaces, echoes, SPEAK ! Nature, through her thousand trumpets of freedom, her stars, her sunrises, her seas, her winds, her cataracts, her mountains blue with cloudy pines, blows jubilant encouragement, and cries SPEAK ! From the soul s trembling abysses the still, small voice not vaguely murmurs, SPEAK! But, alas! the Constitution and the Honorable Mr. Bagowind, M. C., say, BE DUMB ! It occurs to me to suggest, as a topic of inquiry in this con nection, whether, on that momentous occasion when the goats and the sheep shall be parted, the Constitution and the Honorable Mr. Bagowind, M. C., will be expected to take their places on the left as our hircine vicars. Qid l sum miser tune dicturus ? Qitem patronum rogalurits ? There is a point where toleration sinks into sheer baseness and jK)ltroonery. The toleration of the worst leads us to look on TV hat is barely better as good enough, and to worship what is only moderately good. Woe to that man, or that nation, to whom mediocrity has become an ideal ! Has our experiment of self-government succeeded, if it barely manage to rub and go? Here, now, is a piece of barbarism which Christ and the nineteenth century say shall cease, and which Messrs. Smith, Brown, and others say shall not cease. I would by no means deny the eminent respectability of these gentlemen, but I confess, that, in such a wrestling-match, I cannot help hav ing my fears for them. Discite justitiam, moniti, et non temnere diros. R. W.] No. VI. THE PIOUS EDITOR S CREED. [Ax the special instance of Mr. Biglow, I preface the following satire with an extract from a sermon preached during the past summer, from Ezekiel xxxiv. 2 : " Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel." Since the Sabbath on which this discourse was delivered, the editor of the "Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss" has unaccountably absented himself from our house of worship. ; I know of no so responsible position,as that of the public jour nalist. The editor of our day bears the same relation to his time that the clerk bore to the age before the invention of printing. Indeed, the position which he holds is that which the clergyman should hold even now. But the clergyman chooses to walk off to the extreme edge of the world, and to throw such seed as he has clear over into that darkness which he calls the Next Life. As if next did not mean nearest, and as if any life were nearer than that immediately present one which boils and eddies all around him at the caucus, the ratification meeting, and the polls ! Who taught him to exhort men to prepare for eternity, as for some future era of which the present forms no integral part ? The furrow which Time is even now turning runs through the Everlasting, and in that must he plant, or nowhere. Yet he would fain believe and 74 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. tcaclt that we arc going to have more of eternity than we have now This going of his is like that of the auctioneer, on which gone fol lows before we have made up our minds to bid, in which manner, not three months back, I lost an excellent copy of Chappelow on Job. So it has come to pass that the preacher, instead of being a living force, has faded into an emblematic figure at christenings, weddings, and funerals. Or, if he exercise any other function, it is as keeper and feeder of certain theologic dogmas, which, when occasion offers, he unkennels with a slaboy ! " to bark and bite as t is their nature to," whence that reproach of odium theologicum has arisen. " Meanwhile, see what a pulpit the editor mounts daily, some times with a congregation of fifty thousand within reach of his voice, and never so much as a nodder, even, among them ! And from what a Bible can he choose his text, a Bible which needs no translation, and which no priestcraft can shut and clasp from the laity, the open volume of the world, upon which, with a pen Df sunshine or destroying fire, the inspired Present is even now writing the annals of God ! Methinks the editor who should un derstand his calling, and be equal thereto, would truly deserve that title of Troiprjv \aa)v, which Homer bestows upon princes. He would be the Moses of .our nineteenth century, and whereas the old Sinai, silent now, is but a common mountain stared at by the elegant tourist and crawled over by the hammering geologist, he must find his tables of the new law here among factories and cities in this Wilderness of Sin (Numbers xxxiii. 12) called Progress of Civilization, and be the captain of our Exodus into the Canaan of a truer social order. " Nevertheless, our editor will not come so far within even the shadow of Sinai as Mahomet did, but chooses rather to construe THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 75 Moses by Joe Smith. He takes up the crook, not that the sheep may be fed, but that he may never want a warm woollen suit and a joint of mutton. Immemor, O, Jidri, pecorumque obtite. tuorum ! For which reason I would derive the name editor not so much from edo, to publish, as from edo, to eat, that being the peculiar profession to which he esteems himself called. He blows up the flames of political discord for no other occasion than that he may thereby handily boil his own pot. I believe there are two thousand of these mutton-loving shepherds in the United States, and of these, how many have even the dimmest perception of their im mense power, and the duties consequent thereon ? Here and there, haply, one. Nine hundred and ninety-nine labor to impress upon the people the great principles of Tweedledum, and other nine hundred and ninety-nine preach with equal earnestness the gospel according to Tweedledee." H. W.j v I DU believe in Freedom s cause, Ez fur away ez Paris is ; I love to see her stick her claws In them infarnal Pharisees ; It s wal enough agin a king To dror resolves an triggers, But libbaty s a kind o thing Thet don t agree with niggers. 76 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. I du believe the people want A tax on teas an coffees, Thet nothin aint extravygunt, Purvidin I m in office ; Per I hev loved my country sence My eye-teeth filled their sockets, * An Uncle Sam I reverence, Particularly his pockets. I du believe in any plan O levyin the taxes, Ez long ez, like a lumberman, I git jest wut I axes : I go free-trade thru thick an thin, Because it kind o rouses The folks to vote, an keeps us in Our quiet custom-houses. I du believe it s wise an good To sen out furrin missions, Thet is, on sartin understood An orthydox conditions ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 77 I mean nine thousan cblls. per ann., Nine thousan more fer outfit, An me to recommend a man The place ould jest about fit. I du believe in special ways O prayin an convartin ; The bread comes back in many days. An buttered, tu. fer sartin ; I mean in prey in till one busts On wut the party chooses, An in convartin public trusts To very privit uses. I du believe hard coin the stuff Fer lectioneers to spout on ; The people s oilers soft enough To make hard money out on ; Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his, An gives a good-sized junk to all, I don t care how hard money is, Ez long ez mine s paid punctooal. 78 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. I du believe with all my soul In the gret Press s freedom, To pint the people to the goal An in the traces lead em ; Palsied the arm thet forges yokes At my fat contracts squintin , An withered be the nose thet pokes Inter the gov ment printin ! I du believe thet I should give Wut s his n unto Caesar, Fer it s by him I move an live, Frum him my bread an cheese air ; I du believe thet all o me Doth bear his souperscription, Will, conscience, honor, honesty, An things o thet description. I du believe in prayer an praise To him thet hez the grantin O jobs, in every thin thet pays, But most of all in CANTIN ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 79 This doth my cup with marcies fill, This lays all thought o sin to rest, I don t believe in princerple, But, O, I du in interest. I du believe in bein this Or thet, ez it may happen One way or t other hendiest is To ketch the people nappin ; It aint by princerples nor men My preuclunt course is steadied, I scent wich pays the best, an then Go into it baldheaded. I du believe thet holdin slaves Comes nat ral tu a Presidunt, Let lone the rovvdedow it saves To hev a wal- broke precedunt ; Fer any office, small or gret, I could n t ax with., no face, Without I d ben, thru dry an wet, Th unrizzest kind o doughface. 80 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. I du believe wutever trash 11 keep the people irr blindness, Thet we the Mexicans can thrash Right inter brotherly kindness, Thet bombshells, grape, an powder V ball Air good-will s strongest magnets, Thet peace, to make it stick at all, Must be druv in with bagnets. In short, I firmly du believe In Humbug generally, Fer it s a thing thet I perceive To hev a solid vally ; This heth my faithful shepherd ben, In pasturs sweet heth led me, An this 11 keep the people green To feed ez they hev fed me. [I subjoin here another passage from my before -mentioned discourse. " Wonderful, to him that has eyes to see it rightly, is the news paper. To me, for example, sitting on the critical front bench of THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 81 the pit, in my study here in Jaalam, the advent of my weekly journal is as that of a strolling theatre, or rather of a puppet- show, on whose stage, narrow as it is. the tragedy, comedy, and farce of life are played in little. Behold the whole huge earth sent to me hebdomadally in a hrown-paper wrapper ! "Hither, to my obscure corner, by wind or steam, on horse back or dromedary-back, in the pouch of the Indian runner, or clicking over the magnetic wires, troop all the famous performers from the four quarters of the globe. Looked at from a point of criticism, tiny puppets they seem all, as the editor sets up his booth upon my desk and officiates as showman. Now I can truly see how little and transitory is life. The earth appears almost as _a drop of vinegar, on which the solar microscope of the imagina tion must be brought to bear in order to make out any thing dis tinctly. That animalcule there, in the pea-jacket, is Louis Philippe, just landed on the coast of England. That other, in the gray surtout and cocked hat, is Napoleon Bonaparte Smith, assuring France that she need apprehend no interference from him in the present alarming juncture. At that spot, where you seem to see a speck of something in motion, is an immense mass-meeting. Look sharper, and you will see a mite brandishing his mandibles in an excited manner. That is the great Mr. Soandso. defining his position amid tumultuous and irrepressible cheers. That in finitesimal creature, upon whom some score of others, as minute as he, are gazing in open-mouthed admiration, is a famous philos opher, expounding to a select audience their capacity for the Infi nite. That scarce discernible pufflct of smoke and dust is a revo lution. That speck there is a reformer, just arranging the lever with which he is to move the world. And lo, there creeps for ward the shadow of a skeleton that blows one breath between its 6 82 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. grinning teeth, and all our distinguished actors are whisked nff the slippery stage into the dark Beyond. " Yes, the little show-box has its solemner suggestions. Now and then we cateh a glimpse of a grim old man, who lays down a scythe and hour-glass in the corner while he shifts the scenes. There, too, in the dim back-ground, a weird shape is ever delving Sometimes he leans upon his mattock, and gazes, as a coach whirls by, bearing the newly married on their wedding jaunt, or glances carelessly at a babe brought home from christening. Suddenly (for the scene grows larger and larger as we look) a bony hand snatches back a performer in the midst of his part, and him, whom yesterday two infinities (past and future) would not suffice, a handful of dust is enough to cover and silence for ever.^ Nay, we sec the same flcshless fingers opening to clutch the show man himself, and guess, not without a shudder, that they are lying in wait for spectator also. " Think of it : for three dollars a year I buy a season-ticket to this great Globe Theatre, for which God would write the drama* (only that we like farces, spectacles, and the tragedies of Apollyon better), whose scene-shifter is Time, and whose curtain is rung down by Death. " Such thoughts will occur to me sometimes as I am tearing off the wrapper of my newspaper. Then suddenly that otherwise too often vacant sheet becomes invested for me with a strange kind of awe. Look ! deaths and marriages, notices of inventions, discoveries, and books, lists of promotions, of killed, wounded, and missing, news of fires, accidents, of sudden wealth and as sudden poverty; I hold in my hand the ends of myriad in visible electric conductors, along which tremble the joys, sorrows, wrongs, triumphs, hopes, and despairs of as many* men and THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 83 women everywhere. So that upon that mood of mind which seems to isolate me from mankind as a spectator of their puppet- pranks, another supervenes, in which I feel that I, too, unknown and unheard of, am yet of some import to my fellows. For, .through my newspaper here, do not families take pains to send me, an entire stranger, news of a death among them ? Are not here two who would have me know of their marriage ? And, strangest of all, is not this singular person anxious to have me in formed that he has received a fresh supply of Dimitry Bruisgins ? But to none of us does the Present (even if for a moment dis cerned as such) continue miraculous. We glance carelessly at the sunrise, and get used to Orion and the Pleiades. The wonder wears off, and to-morrow this sheet, in which a vision Avas let down to me from Heaven, shall be the wrappage to a bar of soap or the platter for a beggar s broken victuals." H. W.] ETo. VII. A LETTER FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN ANSWER TO SUTTIN QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA BIG- LOW, INCLOSED IN A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S. H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF THE NATIONAL ANTI- SLAVERY STANDARD. [CURIOSITY may be said to be the quality which preeminently distinguishes and segregates man from the lower animals. As we trace the scale of animated nature downward, we find this faculty of the mind (as it may truly be called) diminished in the savage, and quite extinct in the brute. The first object which civilized man proposes to himself I take to be the finding out whatsoever he can concerning his neighbours. Nihil hnmanum a me aUcinun jwto ; I am curious about even John Smith. The desire next in strength to this (an opposite pole, indeed, of the same magnet) is that of communicating intelligence. Men in general may be divided into the inquisitive and the communicative. To the first class belong Peeping Toms, eaves droppers, navel-contemplating Brahmins, metaphysicians, travel- THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 85 lers, Empedocleses, spies, the various societies for promoting Rhinothism, Columbuses, Yankees, discoverers, and men of science, who present themselves to the mind as so many marks of interrogation wandering up and down the world, or sitting in studies and laboratories. The second class I should again sub divide into four. In the first subdivision I would rank those who have an itch to tell us about themselves, as keepers of diaries, % insignificant persons generally, Montaignes, Horace Walpoles, autobiographers, poets. The second includes those who are anx ious to impart information concerning other people, as historians, barbers, and such. To the third belong those who labor to give us intelligence about nothing at all, as novelists, political orators, the large majority of authors, preachers, lecturers, and the like. In the fourth come those who are communicative from motives of public benevolence, as finders of mares -nests and bringers of ill news. Each of us two-legged fowls without feathers em braces all these subdivisions in himself to a greater or less de gree, for none of us so much as lays an egg, or incubates a chalk one, but straightway the whole barn-yard shall know it by our cackle or our cluck. Omnibus hoc vitium est. There are different grades in all these classes. One will turn his tel- escdpe toward a back-yard, another toward Uranus ; one will tell you that he dined with Smith, another that he supped with Plato. In one particular, all men may be considered as belonging to the first grand division, inasmuch as they all seem equally de sirous of discovering the mote in their neighbour s eye. To one or another of these species every human being may safely be referred. I think it beyond a peradventure that Jonah prosecuted some inquiries into the digestive apparatus of whales, and that Noah sealed up a letter in an empty bottle, thaf news in 86 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. regard to him might not be wanting in case of the worst. They had else been super or subter human. I conceive, also, that, ag there are certain persons who continually peep and pry at the key-hole of that mysterious door through which, sooner or later, we all make our exits, so there arc doubtless ghosts fidgetting and fretting on the other side of it, because they have no means of conveying back to the world the scraps of news they have picked up. For there is an answer ready somewhere to every question, the great law of give and take runs through all na ture, and if we see a hook, we may be sure that an eye is waiting for it. I read in every face I meet a standing advertisement of information wanted in regard to A. B., or that the friends of C. D. can hear of him by application to such a one. It was to gratify the two great passions of asking and an swering that epistolary correspondence was first invented. Let ters (for by this usurped title epistles are now commonly known) are of several kinds. First, there are those which are not letters at all, as letters patent, letters dimissory, letters inclosing bills, letters of administration, Pliny s letters, letters of diplomacy, of Cato, of Mentor, of Lords Lyttelton, Chesterfield, and Orrery, of Jacob Bchmcn, Seneca (whom St. Jerome includes in his list of sacred writers), letters from abroad, from sons in college to their fathers, letters of marque, and letters generally, which are in no wise letters of mark. Second, are real letters, such as those of Gray, Cowpcr, Walpole, Howel, Lamb, the first let ters from children (printed in staggering capitals) Letters from New York, letters of credit, and others, interesting for the sake of the writer or the thing written. I have read also letters from Europe by a gentleman named Pinto, containing some curious gossip, and which I hope to see collected for the benefit of the THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 87 curious There are, besides, letters addressed to postci-ity, as epitaphs, for example, written for their own monuments by mon- archs, whereby we have lately become possessed of the names of several great conquerors and kings of kings, hitherto unheard of and still unpronounceable, but valuable to the student of the entirely dark ages. The letter which St. Peter sent to King Pepin in the year of grace 755 I would place in a class by it self, as also the letters of candidates, concerning which I shall dilate more fully in a note at the end of the following poem. At present, sat prata biberunt. Only, concerning the shape of let ters, they are all either square or oblong, to which general figures circular letters and round-robins also conform themselves H. W.] DEER SIR its gut to be the fashun now to rite letters to the candid 8s and i wus chose at a publick Meetin in Jaalam to du wut wus nessary fur that town, i writ to 271 ginerals and gut ansers to 209. tha air called candid 8s but I don t see nothin candid about em. this here 1 wich I send wus thought satty s factory. I dunno as it s ushle to print Poscrips, but as all the an sers I got hed the saim, I sposed it wus best, times has gretly changed. Formaly to knock a man into a cocked hat wus to use him up, but now it ony gives him a chance fur the cheef madgustracy. H. B. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. DEAR SIR, You wish to know my notions On sartin pints thet rile the land ; There s nothin thet my natur so shuns Ez bein mum or underhand ; I m a straight-spoken kind o creetur Thet blurts right out wut s in his head, An ef I ve one pecooler feetur, It is a nose thet wunt be led. So, to begin at the beginning An come direcly to the pint, I think the country s underpinnin Is some consid ble out o jint ; I aint agoin to try your patience By tellin who done this or thet, I don t make no insinooations, I jest let on I smell a rat. Thet is, I mean, it seems to me so, But, ef the public think I m wrong, 1 wunt deny but wut I be so, An.," 1 fact, it don t smell very strong; . THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 89 My mind s tu fair to lose its balance An say wich party hez most sense ; There may be folks o greater talence Thet can t set stiddier on the fence. I m an eclectic ; ez to choosin Twixt this an thet, I m plaguy lawth ; I leave a side thet looks like losin , But (wile there s doubt) I stick to both ; I stan upon the Constitution, Ez preudunt statesmun say, who ve planned A way to git the most profusion O chances ez to ware they 11 stand. Ez fer the war, I go agin it, I mean to say I kind o du, Thet is, I mean thet, bein in it, The best way wuz to fight it thru ; Not but wut abstract war is horrid, I sign to thet with all jny heart, But civlyzation doos git forrid Sometimes c upon a powder-cart. 00 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. About thet darned Proviso matter I never bed a grain o doubt, Nor I aint one my sense to scatter So s no one could n t pick it out ; My love fer North an South is equil, So I 11 jest answer plump an 1 frank > No matter wut may be the sequil, Yes, Sir, I am agin a Bank. Ez to the answerin o questions, I m an off ox at bein druv, Though I aint one thet ary test shuns 11 give our folks a helpin shove , Kind o promiscoous I go it Fer the holl country, an the ground I take, ez nigh ez I can show it, Is pooty gen ally all round. I don t appruve o givin pledges ; You d ough to leave a feller free, An not go knockin out the wedges To ketch his fingers in the tree ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 91 Pledges air avvfle breachy cattle Thet preudunt farmers don t turn out, Ez long z the people git their rattle, Wut is there fer m to grout about ? Ez to the slaves, there s no confusion In my idees consarnin them, I think they air an Institution, A sort of yes, jest so, ahem : Do I own any ? Of my merit On thet pint you yourself may jedge ; All is, I never drink no sperit, Nor I haint never signed no pledge. Ez to my principles, I glory In hevin nothin o the sort ; I aint a Wig, I aint a Tory, I m jest a candidate, in short ; Thet s fair an square an parpendicler But, ef the Public cares a fig To hev me an thin in particler, Wy, I m a kind o peri-wig. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. P. S. Ez we re a sort o privateerin , O course, you know, it s sheer an sheer. An there issutthin wuth your hearin I 11 mention in your privit ear ; Ef you git me inside the White House, Your head with ile I 11 kin o nint By gittin you inside the-Light-house Down to the eend o Jaalam Pin*. An ez the North hez took to brustlin At bein scrouged frum off the roost, I 11 tell ye wut 11 save all tusslin An give our side a harnsome boost, Tell em thet on the Slavery question I m RIGHT, although to speak I m lawth : This gives you a safe pint to rest on, An leaves me frontin South by North. [And now of epistles candidatial, which are of two kinds, namely, letters of acceptance, and letters definitive of position. Our republic, on the eve of an election, may safely enough be called a republic of letters. Epistolary composition becomes then THE BIGLOW PAPERS. ^ 93 an epidemic, which seizes one candidate after another, not seldom cutting short the thread of political life. It has come to such a pass, that a party dreads less the attacks of its opponents than a letter from its candidate. Litera scripta manet, and it will go hard if something bad cannot he made of it. General Harrison, it is well understood, was surrounded, during his candidacy, with the cordon sanitaire of a vigilance committee. No prisoner in Spiel berg was ever more cautiously deprived of writing materials. The soot was scraped carefully from the chimney-places ; out posts of expert rifle-shooters rendered it sure death for any goose (who came clad in feathers) to approach within a certain limited distance of North Bend ; and all domestic fowls about the prem ises were reduced to the condition of Plato s original man. By these precautions the General was saved. Parva componere mag- ms, I remember, that, when party-spirit once ran high among my people, upon occasion of the choice of a new deacon, I, having my preferences, yet not caring too openly to express them, made use of an innocent fraud to bring about that result which I deem ed most desirable. My stratagem was no other than the throwing a copy of the Complete Letter- Writer in the way of the candi date whom I wished to defeat. He caught the infection, and ad dressed a short note to his constituents, in which the opposite party detected so many and so grave improprieties, (he had mod elled it upon the letter of a young lady accepting a proposal of marriage,) that he not only lost his election, but, falling under a suspicion of Sabellianism and I know not what, (the widow En dive assured me that he was a Paralipomenon, to her certain knowledge,) was forced to leave the town. Thus it is that the letter killeth. The object which candidates propose to themselves in writing ia 94 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. to convey no meaning at all. And here is a quite unsuspected pitfall into which they successively plunge headlong. For it is precisely in such cryptographies that mankind are prone to seek for and find a wonderful amount and variety of significance. Omne ignotum pro mirijico. How do we admire at the antique world striving to crack those oracular nuts from Delphi, Ham- mon, and elsewhere, in only one of which can I so much as sur mise that any kernel had ever lodged ; that, namely, wherein Apollo confessed that he was mortal. One Didymus is, moreover, related to have written six thousand books on the single subject of grammar, a topic rendered only more tenebrific by the labors of his successors, and which seems still to possess an attraction for authors in proportion as they can make nothing of it A sin gular loadstone for theologians, also, is the Beast in the Apoca lypse, whereof, in the course of my studies, I have noted two hundred and three several interpretations, each lethiferal to all the rest. Non nostrum est iantas componere lites, yet I have myself ven tured upon a two hundred and fourth, which I embodied in a dis course preached on occasion of the demise of the late usurper, Napoleon Bonaparte, and which quieted, in a large measure, the minds of my people. It is true that my views on this important point were ardently controverted by Mr. Shearjashub Holden, the then preceptor of our academy, and in other particulars a very deserving and sensible young man, though possessing a somewhat limited knowledge of the Greek tongue. But his heresy struck down no deep root, and, he having been lately removed by the hand of Providence, I had the satisfaction of reaffirming my cherished sentiments in a sermon preached upon the Lord s day immediately succeeding his funeral. This might seem like taking an unfair advantage, did I not add that he had made provision in THE BIGLOW PAPEltfe. 95 nis last will (being celibate) for the publication of a posthumous tractate in support of his own dangerous opinions I know of nothing in our modern times which approaches so nearly to the ancient oracle as the letter of a Presidential candi date. Now, among the Greeks, the eating of beans was strictly forbidden to all such as had it in mind to consult those expert amphibologists, and this same prohibition on the part of Pythago ras to his disciples is understood to imply an abstinence from politics, beans having been used as ballots. That other explica tion, quod videlicet sensus eo cibo obtundi existimaret, though sup ported pugnis et calcibus by many of the learned, and not wanting the countenance of Cicero, is confuted by the larger experience of New England. On the whole, I think it safer to apply here the rule of interpretation which now generally obtains in regard to antique cosmogonies, myths, fables, proverbial expressions, and knotty points generally, whigh is, to find a common-sense mean ing, and then select whatever can be imagined the most opposite thereto. In this way we arrive at the* conclusion, that the Greeks objected to the questioning of candidates. And very properly, if, as I conceive, the chief point be not to discover what a person in that position is, or what he will do, but whether he can be elect ed. Vos exemplaria Grccca nocturna versate manu, versate diurna. But, since an imitation of the Greeks in this particular (the asking of questions being one chief privilege of freemen) is hard ly to be hoped for, and our candidates will answer, whether they are questioned or not, I would recommend that these ante- electionary dialogues should be carried on by symbols, as were the diplomatic correspondences of the Scythians and Macrobii, or confined to the language of signs, like the famous interview of Panurge and Goatsnose. A candidate might then convey a suit- 96 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. able reply to all committees of inquiry by closing one eye, or by presenting them with a phial of Egyptian darkness to be specu lated upon by their respective constituencies. These answers would be susceptible of whatever retrospective construction the exigencies of the political campaign might seem to demand, and the candidate could take his position on either side of the fence with entire consistency. Or, if letters must be written, profitable use might be made of the Dighton rock hieroglyphic or the cuneiform script, every fresh decipherer of which is enabled to educe a different meaning, whereby a sculptured stone or two supplies us, and will probably continue to supply posterity, with a very vast and various body of authentic history. For even the briefest epistle in the ordinary chirography is dangerous. There is scarce any style so compressed that superfluous words may not be detected in it. A severe critic might curtail that famous brevi ty of Ccesar s by two thirds, drawing his pen through the super erogatory veni and vidi. Perhaps, after all, the surest footing of hope is to be found in the rabidly increasing tendency to demand less and less of qualification in candidates. Already have states manship, experience, and the possession (nay, the profession, even) of principles been rejected as superfluous, and may not the patriot reasonably hope that the ability to write will follow ? At present, there may be death in pot-hooks as well as pots, the loop of a letter may suffice for a bow-string, and all the dreadful heresies of Antislavery may lurk in a flourish. H. "W".] No. VIll. A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ. [!N the following epistle, we behold Mr. Sawin returning, a miles emeritus, to the bosom of his family. Quantum mutatuu! The good Father of us all had doubtless intrusted to the keeping of this child of his certain faculties of a constructive kind. He had put in him a share of that vital force, the nicest economy of every minute atom of which is necessary to the perfect devel opment of Humanity. He had given him a brain and heart, and so had equipped his soul with the two strong wings of knowledge and love, whereby it can mount to hang its nest under the eaves of heaven. And this child, so dowered, he had intrusted to the keeping of his vicar, the State. How stands the account of tha,i stewardship ? The State, or Society, (call her by what name you will,) had taken no manner of thought of him till she saw him swept out into the street, the pitiful leavings of last night s de bauch, with cigar-ends, lemon-parings, tobacco-quids, slops, vile stenches, and the whole loathsome next-morning of the bar-room, an own child of the Almighty God! I remember him as he was brought to be christened, a ruddy, rugged babe ; and now there he wallosvs, reeking, seething, the dead corpse, not of a man, but 98 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. of a soul, a putrefying lump, horrible for the life that is in it. Comes the wind of heaven, that good Samaritan, and parts the flair upon his forehead, nor is too nice to kiss those parched, cra:ked lips ; the morning opens upon him her eyes full of pity ing sunshine, the sky yearns down to him, and there he lies fer menting. sleep ! let me not profane thy holy name by calling that stertorous unconsciousness a slumber! By and by comes along the State, God s vicar. Does she say, " My poor, forlorn foster-child ! Behold here a force which I will make dig and plant and build for me " ? Not so, but, " Here is a recruit ready-made to my hand, a piece of destroying energy lying unprofitably idle." So she claps an ugly gray suit on him, puts a musket in his grasp, and sends him off, with Gubernatorial and pther godspeeds, to do duty as a destroyer. I made one of the crowd at the last Mechanics Fair, and, with the rest, stood gazing in wonder at a perfect machine, with its soul of fire, its boiler-heart that sent the hot blood pulsing along the iron arteries, and its thews of steel. And while I was admir ing the adaptation of means to end, the harmonious involutions .of contrivance, and the never-bewildered complexity, I saw a grimed and greasy fellow, the imperious engine s lackey and drudge, whose sole office was to let fall, at intervals, a drop or two of oil upon a certain joint. Then my soul said within me, See there a piece of mechanism to which that other you marvel at is but as the rude first effort of a child, a force which not merely suffices to set a few wheels in motion, but which can send an im pulse all through the infinite future, a contrivance, not for turn ing out pins, or stitching biitton-holes, but for making Hamlets and Lears. And yet this thing of iron shall be housed, waited on, guarded from rust and dust, and it shall be a crime but so much THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 99 as to scratch it with a pin ; while the other, with its fire of God in it, shall be buffeted hither and thither, and finally sent carefully a thousand miles to be the target for a Mexican cannon-ball. Un thrifty Mother State ! My heart burned within me for pity and indignation, and I renewed this covenant with my own soul, In aliis mansuetus ero, at, in blasphemiis contra Christum, non ita. II. W.] I SPOSE you wonder ware I be ; I can t tell, fer the soul o me, Exacly ware I be myself, meanin by thet the holl Wen I left hum, I hed two legs, an they worn t bad ones neither, (The scaliest trick they ever played wuz bringin on me hither,) Now one on em s I dunno ware ; they thought I wuz adyin , An sawed it off because they said twuz kin o mor- tifyin ; I m willin to believe it wuz, an yit I don t see,nuther, Wv one should take to feelin cheap a minnit sooner n t other, 100 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Sence both vvuz equilly to blame ; but things is ez they be ; It took on so they took it off, an thet s enough fer me : There s one good thing, though, to be said about my wooden new one, The liquor can t git into it ez t used to in the true one ; So it saves drink ; an then, besides, a feller could n t beg A gretter blessin then to hev one oilers sober peg ; . It s true a chap s in want o two fer follerin a drum, But all the march I m up to now is jest to Kingdom Come. T ve lost one eye, but thet s a loss it s easy to supply \jui o the glory thet I ve gut, fer thet is all my eye ; An 1 one is big enough, I guess, by diligently usin it, To see all I shall ever git by way o pay fer losin it ; Off cers, I notice, who git paid fer all our thumps an kickins, Du wal by keepin single eyes arter the fattest pickins ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 101 So, ez the eye s put fairly out, I 11 larn to go without it, An not allow myself to be no gret put out about it. Now, le me see, thet is n t all ; I used, fore leavin Jaalam, To count things on my finger-eends, but sutthin seems to ail em : Ware s my left hand ? O, darn it, yes, I recolloct wut s come on t ; 1 haint no left arm but my right, an thet s gut jest a thumb on t ; It aint so hendy ez it wuz to cal late a sum on t. I ve hed some ribs broke, six (I b lieve), I haint kep no account on em ; Wen pensions git to be the talk, I 11 settle the amount on em. An now I m speakin about ribs, it kin o brings to mind One thet I could n t never break, the one I lef behind ; Ef you should see her, jest clear out the spout o youi invention An pour the longest sweemin in about an annooal pension, 102 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An kin o hint (in case, you know, the critter should refuse to be Consoled) I aint so xpensive now to keep ez wut I used to be ; There s one arm less, ditto one eye, an then the leg thet s wooden Can be took off an sot away wenever ther s a puddin . I spose you think I m comin back ez opperlunt ez thunder, With shiploads o gold images an varus sorts o plunder ; Wai, fore I vullinteered, I thought this country wuz a sort o Canaan a regl ar Promised Land flowin with rum an water, Ware propaty growed up like time, without no cultiva tion, An gold wuz dug ez taters be among our Yankee nation, Ware nateral advantages were pufficly amazin , Ware every rock there wuz about with precious stuns wuz blazin , THE BIGLOW PAPERS 103 Ware mill-sites filled the country up ez thick ez vou could cram em, An desput rivers run about abeggin folks to dam em ; Then there v/ere meetinhouses, tu, chockful o gold an silver Thet you could take, an no one could n t hand ye in no billfer; Thet s wut I thought afore I went, thet s wut them fellers told us Thet stayed to hum an speechified an to the buzzards sold us ; I thought thet gold mines could be gut cheaper than china asters, An see myself acomin back like sixty Jacob Astors ; But sech idees soon melted down an did n t leave a grease-spot ; I vow my holl sheer o the spiles would n t come nigh a V spot ; Although, most anywares we ve ben, you need n t break no locks, Nor run no kin o risks, to fill your pocket full o rocks. 104 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. I guess I mentioned in my last some o the nateral feeturs O this all-fiered buggy hole in th way o awfle creeturs, But I fergut to name (new things to speak on so aboun ded) How one day you 11 most die o thust, an fore the next git drownded. The clymit seems to me jest like a teapot made o pewter Our Prudence hed, thet would n t pour (all she could du) to suit her; Fust place the leaves ould choke the spout, so s not a drop ould dreen out, Then Prude ould tip an tip an tip, till the holl kit bust clean out, The kiver-hinge-pin bein lost, tea-leaves an tea an kiver ould all come down kerswosh! ez though the dam broke in a river. Jest so t is here ; holl months there aint a day o rainy weather, An jest ez th officers ould be alayin heads together THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 105 Ez t how they M mix their drink at sech a milingtary deepot, T ould pour ez though the lid wuz off the everlastin teapot. The cons quence is, thet I shall take, wen I m allowed to leave here, One piece o propaty along, an thet s the shakin fever ; It s reggilar employment, though, an thet aint thought to harm one, Nor t aint so tiresome ez it wuz with t other leg an arm on ; An it s a consolation, tu, although it doos n t pay, To hev it said you re some gret shakes in any kin o way. T worn t very long, I tell ye wut, I thought o fortin- makin , One day a reg lar shiver-de-freeze, an next ez good ez hakin , One day abrilin in the sand, then smoth rin in the mashes, Git up all sound, be put to bed a mess o hacks an smashes. 106 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. But then, thinks I, at any rate there s glory to be hed, Thet s an investment, arter all, thet may n t turn out so bad ; But somehow, wen we d fit an licked, I oilers found the thanks Gut kin 1 o lodged afore they come ez low down ez the ranks ; The Gin rals gut the biggest sheer, the Gunnies next, an so on, We never gut a blasted mite o glory ez I know on ; An spose we hed, I wonder how you re goiu to con trive its Division so s to give a piece to twenty thousand privits ; Ef you should multiply by ten the portion o the brav st one, You would n t git more n half enough to speak of on a grave-stun ; We git the licks, we re jest the grist thet s put into War s hoppers ; Leftenants is the lowest grade thet helps pick up the coppers. THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 107 It may suit folks thet go agin a body with a soul in t, An aint contented with a hide without a bagnet hole in t; But glory is a kin o thing I shan t pursue no furder, Coz thet s the ofF cers parquisite, yourn s on y jest the murder. Wai, arter I gin glory up, thinks I at least there s one Thing in the bills we aint hed yit, an thet s the GLO RIOUS FUN ; Ef once we git to Mexico, we fairly may persume we All day an night shall revel in the halls o Montezumy. I 11 tell ye wut my revels wuz, an see how you would like em ; We never gut inside the hall : the nighest ever J come Wuz stan in sentry in the sun (an , fact, it seemed a cent ry) A ketchin smells o biled an roast thet come out thru the entry, An hearin , ez I sweltered thru my passes an repasses, A rut-tat-too o knives an forks, a clinkty-clink o glasses : 108 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. I can t tell off the bill o fare the Gin rals hed inside ; All I know is, thet out o doors a pair o soles wuz fried, An not a hunderd miles away frum ware this child wuz posted, A Massachusetts citizen wuz baked an biled an roasted ; The on y thing like revellin thet ever come to me Wuz bein routed out o sleep by thet darned revelee. They say the quarrel s settled now ; fer my part I ve some doubt on t, T 11 take more fish-skin than folks think to take the rile clean out on t ; At any rate, I m so used up I can t do no more fightin The on y chance thet s left to me is politics or writin ; Now, ez the people s gut to hev a milingtary man, An I aint nothin else jest now, I ve hit upon a plan ; The can idatin line, you know, ould suit me to a T, An ef I lose, t wunt hurt my ears to lodge another flea So I 11 set up ez can idate fer any kin o office, (I mean fer any thet includes good easy-cheers an soffies ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 109 Fer ez to runnin fer a place ware work s the time o day, You know thet s wut I never did, except the other way ;) Ef it s the Presidential cheer fer wich I d better run, Wut two legs anywares about could keep up with my one? There aint no kin o quality in candidates, it J s said, So useful ez a wooden leg, except a wooden head ; There s nothin aint so poppylar (wy, it s a parfect sin To think wut Mexico hez paid fer Santy Anny s pin ;) Then I haint gut no principles, an , sence I wuz knee- high, I never did hev any gret, ez you can testify ; I m a decided peace-man, tu, an go agin the war, Fer now the holl on t s gone an past, wut is there to go for? Ef, wile you re lectioneerin round, some curus chaps should beg To know my views o state affairs, jest answer WOODEN LEG! 110 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Ef they aint settisfied with thet, an kin o pry an doubt An 1 ax fer sutthin deffynit, jest say ONE EYE PUT OUT ! Thet kin o talk I guess you 11 find 11 answer to a charm, An wen you re druv tu nigh the wall, hoi up my missin arm ; Ef they should nose round fer a pledge, put on a vartoous look An tell em thet s percisely wut I never gin nor took! Then you can call me " Timbertoes," thet s wut the people likes ; Sutthin combinin morril truth with phrases sech ez strikes ; Some say the people s fond o this, or thet, or wut you please, I tell ye wut the people want is jest correct idees ; 4 Old Timoertoes," you see, s a creed it s safe to be quite bold on, There s nothin in t the other side can any ways git hold on ; \JE BIGLOW PAPERS. Ill It s a good tangible idee, a sutthin to embody Thet valooable class o men who look thru brandy- toddy ; It gives a Party Platform, tu, jest level with the mind Of all right-thinkin , honest folks thet mean to go it blind ; Then there air other good hooraws to dror on ez you need em, Sech ez the ONE-EYED SLARTEKER, the BLOODY BIRDO- FREDUM ; Them s wut takes hold o folks thet think, ez well ez o the masses, An makes you sartin o the aid o good men of all classes. There s one thing I m in doubt about ; in order to be Presidunt, It s absolutely ne ssary to be a Southern residunt ; The Constitution settles thet, an also thet a feller Must own a nigger o some sort, jet black, or brown, or yeller. 112 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Now I haint no objections agm particklar climes, Nor agin ownin any thin (except the truth sometimes). But, ez I haint no capital, up there among ye, may be, You might raise funds enough fer me to buy a low- priced baby, An then, to suit the Northern folks, who feel obleeged to say They hate an cuss the very thing they vote fer every day, Say you re assured I go full butt fer Libbaty s diffusion An made the purchis on y jest to spite the Institoo- tion ; But, golly ! there s the currier s boss upon the pavement pawin ! I 11 be more xplicit in my next. Yourn, BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN. [ We have now a tolerably fair chance of estimating how the balance-sheet stands between our returned volunteer and glory. Supposing the entries to be set down on both sides of the account in fractional parts of one hundred, we shall arrive at something like the following result THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 113 Cr. B. SAWIN, Esq., in account with (BLANK) GLORY. Dr. By loss of one leg, do. one arm, do. four fingers, do. one eye, the breaking of six ribs, having served under Col onel Gushing one month, 44 100 To one 67 5th three cheers in Faneuil Hall, . . .30 " do. do. on occasion of presentatio fl of sword to Colonel Wright, 25 " one suit of gray clothes (ingeniously unbecoming), 15 " musical entertainments (drum and fife six months), 5 " one dinner after return, 1 " chance of pension, . 1 " privilege of drawing long bow during rest of natural life, 23 100 E.E. It would appear that Mr. Sawin found the actual feast curious ly the reverse of the bill of fare advertised in Eaneuil Hall and other places. His primary object seems to have been the making of his fortune. Quazrenda pecunia primum, virtus post mnnmos. He hoisted sail for Eldorado, and shipwrecked on Point Tribulation Quid non mortalia pcctora corjis, auri sacra fames ? The specula tion has sometimes crossed my mind, in that drcaiy interval of drought which intervenes between quarterly stipendiary showers, that Providence, by the creation of a money-tree, might have sim plified wonderfully the sometimes perplexing problem of human life. We read of bread-trees, the butter for which lies ready- churned in Irish bogs. Milk-trees we arc assured of in South " 14 THE EIGLOW PAPERS, America, and stout Sir John Hawkins testifies to water-trees in the Canaries. Boot-trees bear abundantly in Lynn and elsewhere ; and I have seen, in the entries of the wealthy, hat-trees with a fail show of fruit. A family-tree I once cultivated myself, and found therefrom but a scanty yield, and that quite tasteless and innu tritions. Of trees bearing men we are not without examples ; as those in the park of Louis the Eleventh of France. Who has foi 6 otten, moreover, that olive-tree, growing in the Athenian s back-garden, with its strange uxorious crop, for the general prop agation of which, as of a new and precious variety, the philoso pher Diogenes, hitherto uninterested in arboriculture, was so zealous ? In the sylva of our own Southern States, the females of my family have called my attention to the china-tree. Not to multiply examples, I will barely add to my list the birch-tree, in the smaller branches of which has been implanted so miraculous a virtue for communicating the Latin and Greek languages, and which may well, therefore, be classed among the trees producing necessaries of life, venerabile donumfatalis wrgce. That money- trees existed in the golden age there want not prevalent reasons for our believing. For does not the old proverb, when it asserts that money does not grow on every bush, imply a fortkri that there were certain bushes which did produce it ? Again, there is another ancient saw to the effect that money is the root of all evil. From which two adages it may be safe to infer that the aforesaid species of tree first degenerated into a shrub, then absconded un derground, and finally, in o .r iron age, vanished altogether. In favorable exposures it may be conjectured that a specimen or two survived to a great age, as in the garden of the Hesperides ; and, indeed, what else could that tree in the Sixth ^Eneid have been, with a branch whereof the Trojan hero procured admission to a THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 115 territory, for the entering of which money is a surer passport than to a certain other more profitable (too) foreign kingdom ? Whether these speculations of mine have any force in them, or whether they will not rather, by most readers, be deemed imper ti- nent to the matter in hand, is a question Avhich I leave to the de termination of an indulgent posterity. That there were, in more primitive and happier times, shops where money was sold, and that, too, on credit and at a bargain, I take to be matter of demonstration. For what but a dealer in this article was that JEolus who supplied Ulysses with motive power for his fleet in bags ? What that Ericus, king of Sweden, who is said to have kept the winds in his cap 1 What, in more recent times, those Lapland Nbrnas who traded in favorable breezes ? All which will appear the more clearly when we consider, that, even to this day, raising the wind is proverbial for raising money, and that brokers and banks were invented by the Venetians at a later period. And . now for the improvement of this digression. I find a parallel to Mr. Sawin s fortune in an adventure of my own. For, shortly after I had first broached to myself the before-stated natural-historical and archrcological theories, as I was passing, hcec negotia penitus mecum revolvens, through one of the obscure suburbs of our New England metropolis, my eye was attracted by these words upon a sign-board, CHEAP CASH-STORE. Here was at once the confirmation of my speculations, and the sub stance of my hopes. Here lingered the fragment of a happier past, or stretched out the first tremulous organic filament of a more fortunate future. Thus glowed the distant Mexico to the eyes of Sawin, as he looked through the dirty pane of the recruit ing-office window, or speculated from the summit of that mirage Pisgah which the imps of the bottle are so cunning in raising ur> 116 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Already had my Alnaschar-fancy (even during that first half believing glance) expended in various useful directions the funds to be obtained by pledging the manuscript of a proposed volume of discourses. Already did a clock ornament the tower of the Jaalam meeting-house, a gift appropriately, but modestly, com memorated in the parish and town records, both, for now many years, kept by myself. Already had my son Seneca completed his course at the University. Whether, for the moment, we may not be considered as actually lording it over those Baratarias with the viceroyalty of which Hope invests us, and whether we are ever so warmly housed as in our Spanish castles, would afford matter of argument. Enough that I found that sign-board to be no other than a bait to the trap of a decayed grocer. Nevertheless, I bought a pound of dates (getting short weight by reason of im mense nights of harpy flies who pursued and lighted upon their prey even in the veiy scales), which purchase I made, not only with an eye to the little ones at home, but also as a figurative re proof of that too frequent habit of my mind, which, forgetting the due order of chronology, will often persuade me that the happy sceptre of Saturn is stretched over this Astraea-forsakcn nine teenth century. Having glanced at the ledger of Glory under the title Sawin, J3., let us extend our investigations, and discover if that instructive volume does not contain some charges more personally interesting to ourselves. I think we should be more economical of our re sources, did we thoroughly appreciate the fact,, that, whenever Brother Jonathan seems to be thrusting his hand into his own pocket, he is, in fact, picking ours. I confess that the late muck which the country has been running has materially changed my riews as to the best method of raising revenue. If, by means THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 117 of direct taxation, the bills for every extraordinary outlay were brought under our immediate eye, so that, like thrifty housekeep ers, we could see where and how fast the money was going, we should be less likely to commit extravagances. At present, these things are managed in such a hugger-mugger way, that we know not what we pay for; the poor man is charged as m ich as the rich ; and, while we are saving and scrimping at the spigot, the government is drawing off at the bung. If we could know that a part of the money we expend for tea and coffee goes to buy powder and balls, and that it is Mexican blood which makes the clothes on our backs more costly, it would set some of us athink- ing. During the present fall, I have often pictured to myself a government official entering my study and handing me the fol lowing bill : WASHINGTON, Sept. 30, 1848. REV, HOMER WILBUR to SHncle Samuel, Dr. To his share of work done in Mexico on partnership ac count, sundry jobs, as below. " killing, maiming, and wounding about 5,000 Mexicans, $ 2.00 " slaughtering one woman carrying water to wounded, . .10 " extra work on two different Sabbaths (one bombard ment and one assault) whereby the Mexicans were prevented from defiling themselves with the idol atries of high mass, 3.50 " throwing an especially fortunate and Protestant bomb shell into the Cathedral at Vera Cruz, whereby sev eral female Papists were slain at the altar, . .50 u his proportion of cash paid for conquered territory, . 1.75 * do. do. for conquering do., . . 1.50 118 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. To manuring rto. with new superior compost called "American Citizen," . . ... . .50 u extending the area of freedom and Protestantism, .01 " glory, . . . . . . . . . . .01 $9,87 Immediate payment is requested. N. B. Thankful for former favors, U. S. Acquests a continuance of patronage. Orders executed with neatness and despatch. Terms as low as those of any other contractor for the same kind and style of work. I can fancy the official answering my look of horror with, "Yes, Sir, it looks like a high charge, Sir; but in these days slaughtering is slaughtering." Verily, I would that every one understood that it was ; for it goes about obtaining money under the false pretence of being glory. For me, I have an imagina tion which plays me uncomfortable tricks. It happens to me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way home from his day s work, and forthwith my imagination puts a cocked-hat upon his hoad and epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets him up as a can didate for the Presidency. So, also, on a recent public occasion, as the place assigned to the " Reverend Clergy " is just behind that of " Officers of the Army and Navy " in processions, it was my fortune to be seated at the dinner-table over against one of these respectable persons. He was arrayed as (out of his own profession) only kings, court-officers, and footmen are in Europe, and Indians in America. Now what does my over-officious im agination but set to work upon him. strip him of his gay livery, S,nd present him tc me coatless, his trowsers thrust into the tops THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 119 of a pair of boots thick with clotted blood, and a basket on his arm out of which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby destroying my relish for the temporal mercies upon the board before me ? H W^ No. IX. A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ. [UPON the following letter slender comment will be needful. In what river Selemnus has Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has become so swiftly oblivious of his former loves ? From an ardent and (as befits a soldier) confident wooer of that coy bride, the popular favor, we see him subside of a sudden into the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning to his plough with a goodly-sized branch of willow in his hand ; figuratively returning, however, to a figura tive plough, and from no profound affection for that honored im plement of husbandry, (for which, indeed, Mr. Sawin never dis played any decided predilection,) but in order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more congenial labors. It would seem that the character of the ancient Dictator had become part of the recognized stock of our modern political comedy, though, as our term of office extends to a quadrennial length, the parallel is not so minutely exact as could be desired. It is sufficiently so, how ever, for purposes of scenic representation. An humble cottage (if built of logs, the better) forms the Arcadian back-ground of the stage. This rustic paradise is labelled Ashland, Jaalam, North Bend, Marshfield, Kindcrhook, or BAton Rouge, as occasion de mands. Before the door stands a something with one handle (the THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 121 other painted in proper perspective), which represents, in happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this the defeated candidate rushes with delirious joy, welcomed as a father by appropriate groups of happy laborers, or from it the successful one is torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a noble sense of public duty. Only 1 have observed, that, if the scene be laid at Baton Rouge or Ash land, the laborers are kept carefully in the background, and are heard to shout from behind the scenes in a singular tone resem bling ululation, and accompanied by a sound not unlike vigorous clapping. This, however, may be artistically in keeping with the habits of the rustic population of those localities. The precise connection between agricultural pursuits and statesmanship I have not been able, after diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my investigations may not be barren of all fruit, I will mention one curious statistical fact, which I consider thoroughly established, namely, that no real farmer ever attains practically beyond a seat in General Court, however theoretically qualified for more exalted station. It is probable that some other prospect has been opened to Mr. Sawin, and that he has not made this great sacrifice without some definite understanding in regard to a seat in the cabinet or a foreign mission. It may be supposed that we of Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of villatic pride in beholding our towns man occupying so large a space in the public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications necessaiy to a candidate in these frugal times, those of Mr. S. seemed peculiarly adapted to a successful campaign. The loss of a leg, an arm, an eye, and four fingers, reduced him so nearly to the condition of a vox et prceterea uilril, that I could think of nothing but the loss of his head by which his chance could have been bettered. But since he ha 122 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. chosen to balk our suffrages, we must content ourselves with what we can get, remembering lactucas non esse dandas, dum cardui sufficiant. JL W.] I SPOSE you recollect thet I explained my gennle views In the last billet thet I writ, way down frum Veery Cruze, Jest arter I d a kind o ben spontanously sot up To run unanimously fer the Presidential cup ; O course it worn t no wish o mine, t wuz ferflely distressing But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty pressin Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an fussed an sorrered, There did n t seem no ways to stop their bringin on me forrerd : Fact is, they udged the matter so, I could n t help ad- mittin The Father o nis Country s shoes no feet but mine ould fit in, Besides the savin o the soles fer ages to succeed, Seein thet with one wannut foot, a pair M be more n I need ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 123 An , tell ye wut, them shoes 11 want a thund rin sight o patchin , Ef this ere fashion is to last we ve gut into o hatchin A pair o second Washintons fer every new elec tion, Though, fur ez number one s consarned, I don t make no objection. I wuz agoin on to say thet wen at fust I saw The masses would stick to t I wuz the Country s father- n-law, (They would ha hed it Father, but I told em t would n t du, Coz thet wuz sutthin of a sort they could n t split in tu, An Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his door, Nor dars n t say t worn t his n, much ez sixty year afore,) But t aint no matter ez to thet ; wen I wuz nomer- nated, T worn t natur but wut I should feel consid able elated, 124 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An wile the hooravv o the thing wuz kind o noo an 1 fresh, I thought our ticket would ha caird the country with a resh. Sence I ve come hum, though, an looked round, I think I seem to find Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me change my mind ; It s clear to any one whose brain ain t fur gone in a phthisis, Thet hail Columby s happy land is goin thru a crisis, An t would n t noways du to hev the people s mind distracted By heiri all to once by sev ral pop lar names attackted ; T would save holl haycartloads o fuss an three four months o jaw, Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an with draw ; So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like like ole (1 swow, I dunno ez I know his name) I 11 go back to my plough. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 125 Now, t aint no more 5 n is proper V right in sech a sitooation To hint the course you think 11 be the savin o the nation ; To funk right out o p lit cal strife aint thought to bo the thing, Without you deacon off the toon you want your folks should sing ; So I edvise the noomrous friends thet s in one boat with me To jest up killock, jam right down their helium hard a lee, Haul the sheets taut, an , laying out upon the Suthun tack, Make fer the safest port they can, wich, 1 think, is Ole Zack. Next thing you 11 want to know, I spose, wut argimunts I seem To see thet makes me think this ere 11 be the strongest team ; , 126 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Fust place, I ve ben eonsid ble round in bar-rooms an 1 saloons Agethrin public sentiment, mongst Demmercrats and Coons, An t aint ve y ofTen thet I meet a chap but wut goes in Per Rough an Ready, fair an square, hufs, taller, horns, an skin ; I don t deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I could see, I didn t like at fust the Pheladelphy nomernee ; I could ha pinted to a man thet wuz, I guess, a peg Higher than him, a soger, tu, an with a wooden leg; But every day with more an more o Taylor zeal I m burnin , Seein wich way the tide thet sets to office is aturnin ; Wy, into Bellers s we notched the votes down on three sticks, T wuz Birdofredum one, Cass aught, an Taylor twenty-six, An , bein the on y canderdate thet wuz upon the ground, They said t wuz no more n right thet I should pay the drinks all round ; THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 127 Ef I d expected sech a trick, I would n t ha cut my foot By goin an votin fer myself like a consumed coot ; It did n t make no diff rence, though ; I wish I may be cust, Ef Bellers wuz n t slim enough to say he would n t trust ! Another pint thet influences the minds o sober jedges Is thet the Gin ral hez n t gut tied hand an foot with pledges ; He hez n t told ye wut he is, an so there aint no knowin But wut he may turn out to be the best there is agoin ; This, at the on y spot thet pinched, the shoe directly eases, Coz every one is free to xpect percisely wut he pleases : I want free-trade ; you don t ; the Gin ral is n t bound to neither ; I vote my way ; you, yourn ; an both air sooted to a T there. 128 * THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Ole Rough an Ready, tu, s a Wig, but without bein ultry (He s like a holsome hayinday, thet s warm, but is n t sultry) ; He s jest wut I should call myself, a kin o scratch^ ez t ware, Thet aint exacly all a wig nor wholly your own hair ; I vc ben a Wig three weeks myself, jest o this mod- rate sort, An don t find them an Demmercrats so different ez 1 thought ; They both act pooty much alike, an push an scrouge an cus ; They re like two pickpockets in league fer Uncle Sam- well s pus ; Each takes a side, an then they squeeze the old man in between em, Turn all his pockets wrong side out an quick ez light- nin clean em ; To nary one on em I d trust a secon -handed rail No furder off an I could sling a bullock by the tail. THE BIGLOW PAPEKS. 129 Webster sot matters right in thet air Mashfiel speech o his n ; " Taylor," sez he, " aint nary ways the one thet I d a chizzen, Nor he aint fittin fer the place, an like ez not he aint No more n a tough ole bullethead, an no gret of a saint ; But then," sez he, "obsarve my pint, he s jest ez good to vote fer Ez though the greasin on him worn t a thing to hire Choate fer ; Aint it ez easy done to drop a ballot in a box Fer one ez t is fer t other, fer the bulldog ez the fox ? " It takes a mind like Dannel s, fact, ez big ez all ou doors, To find out thet it looks like rain arter it fairly pours ; I gree with him, it aint so dreffle troublesome to vote Fer Taylor arter all, it s jest to go an change your coat; Wen he s once greased, you 11 swaller him an never know on t, scurce, Unless he scratches, goin down, with them air Gin- raPs spurs. 9 130 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. i I ve ben a votin Demmercrat, ez reg lar ez a clock, But don t find goin Taylor gives my narves no gret f a shock ; Truth is, the cutest leadin Wigs, ever sence fust they found Wich side the bread gut buttered on, hev kep a edgin round ; They kin o slipt the planks frum out th ole platform one by one An rn^de it gradooally noo, fore folks know d wut wuz done, Till, fur z I know, there aint an inch thet I could lay my han on, But I, or any Demmercrat, feels comf table to stan on, An ole Wig doctrines act lly look, their occ pants bein gone, Lonesome ez staddles on a mash without no hay ricks on. I spose it s time now I should give my thoughts upon the plan, Thet chipped the shell at Buffalo, o settin* up ole Van. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 131 I us3d to vote fer Martin, but, I swan, I m clean dis gusted, He aint the man thet I can say is fittin to be trusted ; He aint half antislav ry nough, nor I aint sure, ez some be, He M go in fer abolishin the Deestrick o Columby ; * An , now I come to recollect, it kin o makes me sick z A horse, to think o wut he wuz in eighteen thirty-six. An then, another thing ; I guess, though mebby I am wrong, This Buff lo plaster aint agoin to dror almighty strong ; Some folks, I know, hev gut th idee thet No thun dough 11 rise, Though, fore I see it riz an baked, I would n t trust my eyes ; T will take more emptins, a long chalk, than this nor party s gut, To give sech heavy cakes ez them a start, I tell ye wut. But even ef they caird the day, there would n t be no endurin To stand upon a platform with sech critters ,ez Van Buren; 132 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. An his son John, tu, I can t think how thet air chap should dare To speak ez he doos ; wy, they say he used to cuss an swear ! I spose he never read the hymn thet tells how down the stairs A feller with long legs wuz throwed thet would n t say his prayers. This brings me to another pint : the leaders o* the party Aint jest sech men ez I can act along with free an hearty ; They aint not quite respectable, an wen a feller s morrils Don t toe the straightest kin o mark, wy, him an me jest quarrils. I went to a free soil meetin once, an wut d ye think I see? A feller wuz aspoutin there thet act lly come to me, About two year ago last spring, ez nigh ez I can jedge, An axed me ef I didn t want to sign the Ternprunce pledge ! THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 133 He s one o them tliet goes about an sez you bed n t ough to Drink nothin , morning noon, or night, stronger an Taunton water. There s one rule I ve ben guided by, in settlin how to vote, oilers, I take the side thet is n t took by them consarned tee totallers. Ez fer the niggers, I ve ben South, an thet hez changed my mind ; A lazier, more ungrateful set you could n t nowers find. You know I mentioned in my last thet I should buy a nigger, Ef I could make a purchase at a pooty mod rate figger , So, ez there s nothin in the world I m fonder of an gunnin , I closed a bargin finally to take a feller runnin . I shou dered queen s-arm an stumped out, an wen I come t th swamp, *T worn t very long afore I gut upon the nest o Pomp ; 134 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. I come acrost a kin o hut, an , playin round the door, Some little woolly-headed cubs, ez many z six or more. At fust I thought o firin , but think twice is safest oilers ; There aint, thinks I, not one on em but s wuth his twenty dollars, Or would be, ef I hed em back into a Christian land, How ternptin all on em would look upon an auction- stand ! (Not but wut J hate Slavery in th abstract, stem to starn, I leave it ware our fathers did, a privit State consarn.) Soon z they see me, they yelled an run, but Pomp wuz out ahoein A leetle patch o corn he hed, or else there aint no knowin He would n t ha took a pop at me ; but I hed gut the start, An wen he looked, I vow he groaned ez though he d broke his heart ; He done it like a wite man, tu, ez nat ral ez a pictur, The imp dunt, pis nous hypocrite ! wus an a boy con- strictur. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 135 " You can t gum me, I tell ye now, an so you need n t try, I xpect my eye-teeth every mail, so jest shet up," sez I. " Don t go to actin ugly now, or else I 11 jest let strip, You d best draw kindly, seein z how I ve gut ye on the hip ; Besides, you darned ole fool, it aint no gret of a disaster To be benev lently druv back to a contented master, Ware you hed Christian priv ledges you don t seem quite aware of, Or you d ha never run away from bein well took care of; Ez fer kin treatment, wy, he wuz so fond on ye, he said He d give a fifty spot right out, to git ye, live or dead ; VVite folks aint sot by half ez much ; member I run away, Wen I wuz bound to Cap n Jakes, to Mattysqumscot Krtr 136 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. Don know him, likely? Spose not ; wal, the mean ole codger went An offered wut reward, think? Wal, it worn t no less n a cent." Wal, I jest gut em into line, an druv em on afore me, The pis^nous brutes, I d no idee o the ill-will they bore me ; We walked till som ers about noon, an then it grew so hot I thought it best to camp awile, so I chose out a spot Jest under a magnoly tree, an there right down I sot ; Then I unstrapped my wooden leg, coz it begun to chafe, An laid it down jest by my side, supposin all wuz safe ; I made my darkies all set down around me in a ring, An sot an kin o ciphered up how much the lot would bring ; But, wile I drinked the peaceful cup of a pure heart an mind, (Mixed with some wiskey, now an then,) Pomp ho snaked up behind, THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 137 An , creepin grad lly close tu, ez quiet ez a mink, Jest grabbed my leg, and then pulled foot, quicker an you could wink, An , come to look, they each on em hed gut behin a tree, An Pomp poked out the leg a piece, jest so ez I could see, An yelled to me to throw away my pistils an my gun, Oi else thet they d cair off the leg an fairly cut the run. I vow I did n t b lieve there wuz a decent alligatur Thet hed a heart so destitoot o common human natur ; However, ez there worn t no help, I finally give in An heft my arms away to git my leg safe back agin. Pomp gethered all the weapins up, an then he come an grinned, He showed his ivory some, I guess, an sez, " You re fairly pinned ; Jest buckle on your leg agin, an git right up an come, T wun t du fer fammerly men like me to be so long from hum." 138 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. At fust I put my foot right down an swore I would n t budge. " Jest ez you choose," sez he, quite rool, " either be shot or trudge." So this black-hearted monster took an act lly druv me back Along the very feetmarks o my happy mornin track, An kep me pris ner bout six months, an worked me, tu, like sin, Till I hed gut his corn an his Carliny taters in ; He made me larn him readin , tu, (although the crittur saw How much it hut my morril sense to act agin the law,) So st he coufd read a Bible he d gut ; an axed ef I could pint The North Star out ; but there I put his nose some out o jint, For I weeled roun about sou west, an , lookin up a bit, Picked out a middlin shiny one an tole him thet wuz it. THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 139 Fin lly, he took me to the door, an , givin me a kick, Sez, " Ef you know wut s best fer ye, be off, now, double-quick ; The winter-time s a comin on, an , though I gut ye cheap, You re so darned lazy, I don t think you re hardly wuth your keep ; Besides, the childrin s growin up, an you aint jest the model I d like to hev em immertate, an so you d better toddle ! " Now is there any thin on airth II ever prove to me Thet renegader slaves like him air fit fer bein free ? D you think they II suck me in to jine the BufTlo chaps, an them Rank infidels thet go agin the Scriptur l cus o Shem ? Not by a jugfull ! sooner n thet, I d go thru fire an water ; Wen I hev once made* up my mind, a meet nhus aint 140 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. No, not though all the crows thet flies to pick my bones wuz cawin , I guess we re (n a Christian land, Yourn, BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN. [ Here, patient reader, we take leave of each other, I trust with some mutual satisfaction. I say patient, for I love not that kind which skims dippingly over the surface of the page, as swallows over a pool before rain. By such no pearls shall be gathered. But if no pearls there be (as, indeed, the world is not without ex ample of books whcrcfrom the longest-winded diver shall bring up no more than his proper handful of mud), yet let us hope lhat an oyster or two may reward adequate perseverance. If neither pearls nor oysters, yet is patience itself a gem worth diving deeply for. It may seem to some that too much space has been usurped by my own private lucubrations, nnd some may be fain to bring against me that old jest of him who preached all his hearers out of the mceting-housc save only the sexton, who, remaining for yet a little space, from a sense of official duty, at last gave out also, and, presenting the keys, humbly requested our preacher to lock the doors, when he should have wholly relieved himself of his testimony. I confess to a satisfaction in the self act of preaching, nor do I esteem a discourse to be whoHy thrown away even upon a sleeping or unintelligent auditory. I cannot easily believe that the Gospel of Saint John, which Jacques Carder ordered to be read THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 14l in the Latin tongue to the Canadian savages, upon his first meet ing with them, fell altogether upon stony ground. For the earnest ness of the preacher is a sermon appreciable by dullest intellects and most alien ears. In this wise did Episcopins convert many to his opinions, who yet understood not the language in which he discoursed. The chief thing is, that the messenger believe that he has an authentic message to deliver. For counterfeit messengers that mode of treatment which Father John de Piano Carpini relates to have prevailed among the Tartars would seem effectual, and, perhaps, deserved enough. For my own part, I may lay claim to so much of the spirit of martyrdom as would have led me to go into banishment with those clergymen whom Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal drave out of his kingdom for re fusing to shorten their pulpit eloquence. It is possible, that, hav ing been invited into my brother Biglow s desk, I may have been too little scrupulous in using it for the venting of my own pe culiar doctrines to a congregation drawn together in the expec tation and with the desire of hearing him. I am not wholly unconscious of a peculiarity of mental organiza tion which impels me, like the railroad-engine with its train of cars, to run backward for a short distance in order to obtain a fairer start. I may compare myself to one fishing from the rocks when the sea runs high, who, misinterpreting the suction of the under tow for the biting of some larger fish, jerks suddenly, and finds that he has caught bottom, hauling in upon the end of his line a trail of various atyoc, among which, nevertheless, the naturalist may haply find somewhat to repay the disappointment of the an gler. Yet have I conscientiously endeavoured to adapt myself to the impatient temper of the age, daily degenerating more and more from the high standard of our pristine New England. To 142 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. the catalogue of lost arts I would mournfully add also that of listening to two-hour sermons. Surely we havo been abridged into a race of pigmies. For, truly, in those of the old discourses yet subsisting to us in print, the endless spinal column of divisions and subdivisions ran be likened to nothing so exactly as to the vertebrae of the saurians, whence the theorist may conjecture a race of Anakim proportionate to the withstanding of these other monsters. I say Anakim rather than Ncphelim, because there seem reasons for supposing that the race of those whose heads (though no giants) are constantly enveloped in clouds (which that name imports) will never become extinct The attempt to van quish the innumerable heads of one of those aforementioned dis courses may supply us with a plausible interpretation of the sec ond labor of Hercules, and his successful experiment with fire affords us a useful precedent. But while I lament the degeneracy of the age in this regard, I cannot refuse to succumb to its influence. Looking out through my study-window, I see Mr. Biglow at a distance busy in gather ing his Baldwins, of which, to judge by the number of barrels lying about under the trees, his crop is more abundant than my own, by which sight I am admonished to turn to those orchards of the mind wherein my labors may be more prospered, and apply myself diligently to the preparation of my next Sabbath s dis course. H. W.] GLOSSARY. Act lly, actually. Air, are. Ainh, eart h. Aivy, area. Aree, area. Arter, after. Ax, ask. B. Bcller, belloio. Bellowscs, lungs. Ben, been. Bile, boil. Bimeby, by and by. Blurt out, to speak bluntly. Bust, burst. Buster, a roistering blade; used also as a general superlative. C. Caird. carried. Cairn, carrying. Caleb, a turncoat. Cal late, calculate. Cass, a person with two lives. Close, clothes. Cockerel, a young cock. Cocktail, a kind of drink; also, an ornament peculiar to soldiers. Convention, a place where peo ple are imposed on ; a juggler s show. Coons, a cant term for a now de funct party ; derived, perhaps, from the fact of their being commonly up a tree. Cormvallis, a sort of muster in masquerade; supposed to have had its origin soon after the Revolution, and to commem orate the surrender of Lord Cornwallis. It took the place of the old Guy Fawkes pro cession. Crooked stick, a perverse, fro- ward person. Cunnle, a colonel. Cus, a curse ; also, a pitiful fellow. V. Darsn t, used indiscriminately, either in singular or plural number, for dare not, dares not, and dared not. Deacon off, to give the cue to ; derived from a custom, once universal, but now extinct, in our New England Congrcga tional churches. An impor tant part of the office of dea con was to read aloud the I 1! . V, .. . .i a* rtrmtl, l-ffifn<T r;f, l-j/liV ( em* in fa- > In >di Hi) /!/// tmar Ir/liirrr //,//-/////,/// in I/it- . lio^M., ,, nronl^ttdlirk+jnttU; a roinffioii variety of , ilno, do not or dot* not j , / . -. -ii.i -.r.f.x. an intensive, with out rtifannw to duritibn. ftr. i j i . I J i , ,./// , nro/V^/7, ur/y. Gum, to imfifMf. on. ! How, a fjot. H. 1 luerri, in, !< I in. nlhj. <tlnl. <"iue. If -/ ///a, - /,///. II. it / I . : : . / //* / A, >, i . GLOSSARY. 145 J. Jedge, judge. JMC, jtnt. Jine, join. Jint. /o////. Junk, (f fragment of any solid snl>- atancc. 1C. Kecr, rarf. Kc]>. kept. Killock, (j mafl anchor. Kin , kin o , kinder, kind, kind of. I.awth, Iwith. ].<! daylight into, to shoot. \ ! on. 1<> /a, it, to confess, (o oicn. Lick, to l-(tt, t orereoine. Lights, flic l-nin/s. Lily-pads, leares ofl/ic rratcr-lihj. i // M. Mash, marsh, Mean, stiii iy, ill-natured. Min , mind. N. Ninicymnec, iifnt j>< ncr, n hajfctHtt, Ko\A ers, noir/icrc. O. OtlVn. o/ Ole, o/J. ( >lli iN, ollu/. On. o/ ; u>ed l)ef ore it or them, or nt the end of a sentence, ns, on /, on (///, /// c <nr I /.<;</ o?j. On y. only. Ottifcr, (>//yvr (seldom heard). P. Peaked, pointed. Peek, to /"</>. Pickerel, the pike, ajish. Pint, point. Pocket full of rocks, plenty of money. Pootv, jirttti/. I op ler, conceited, popular. PilS, purse. Put out, troubled, i Q. Quarter, a quarter-dollar. (Queen s arm, a R. , Mr reveille. Kile, /o trouble. Kiled, amjry ; distnrfcd, 03 the sediment in nny li(inid. Ui/, 7V.sv /(. Kow. n lonj; row to hoc, a dijfi cult task. Kn<r<;ed, rolmst. S. Sarse, alis<-, i S.utin, ctrtair.. 10 146 GLOSSARY. Saxon, sacristan, sexton. Scaliest, worst. Scringe, cringe. Scrouge, to crowd. Sech, such. Set by, valued. Shakes, great, of considerable con sequence. Shappocs, chapeaux, cocked-hats. Sheer, share. Shot, shut. Shut, shirt. Skcercd, scared. Skcctcr, mosquito. Skooting, running, or moving swi/l/y. Slarterin , slaughtering. Slim, contemptible. Snaked, craicled like a snake ; but to snake any one out is to track him to his hiding-place; to snake a thing out is to snatch it out Soffies, sofas. Sogerin , soldiering ; a barbarous amusement common among men in the savage state. Som ers, someichcre. So st, so as that. Sot, set, obstinate, resolute. Spiles, spoils; objects of political ambition. Spry, active. Staddles, staut stakes driven in to the salt marshes, on which the hay-ricks arc set, and thus raised out of the reach of high tides. Streaked, uncomfortable, discom fited. Suckle, circle. Sutthin , something. Suttin, certain. T. Take on, to sorrow. - Talents, talons. raters, potatoes. Tell, till Tetch, touch. Tetch tu, to be able ; used always after a negative in this sense. Tollable, tolerable. Toot, used derisively for playing on any wind instrument. Thru, through. Thundering, a euphemism com mon in New Kngland, for the profane English expression devilish. Perhaps derived from the belief, common formerly, that thunder was caused by the Prince of the Air, for some of whose accomplishments con suit Cotton Mather. Tu, to, too ; commonly has this sound when used emphatical ly, or at the end of a sentence. At other times it lias the sound of t in tough, as, Ware ye gain tu ? Goiii 1 ta Boston U. Usrly. ill-tempered, intractable. Uncle Sam, United States; the largest boaster of liberty and owner of slaves. Unrizzcst, applied to dough or bread; heavy, most unrisen, or most incapable of rising. V. V spot, a Jive-dollar bill. Vally, value. GLOSSARY. 147 W. Wake snakes, to get into trouble. Wai, well; spoken with great deliberation, and sometimes with the a very much flat tened, sometimes (but more seldom) very much broadened. Wannut, walnut (hickory}. Ware, where. Ware, were. Whopper, an uncommonly large lie ; as, that General Taylor is in favor of the Wilmot Pro viso. Wig, Wag ; a party now dis solved. Wunt, icill not. Wus, worse. Wut, what. Wuth, worth ; as, Antislaveri/ per- fessions fore lection aint wuth a Bungtown copper. Wuz, was, sometimes were. Y. Yaller, yellow. Teller, yellow. Tellers, a disease of peach-trees. Zach, Olc, a second Washington, an antislavery slaveholder, a humane buyer and seller of men and women, a Christian hero generally. INDEX. A. A. B., information wanted con cerning, 86. Adam, eldest son of, respected, 11. JEneas goes to hell, 114. ^Eolus, a seller of money, as is supposed by some, 115. JEschytas, a saying of, 58, note. Alligator, a decent one conjec tured to be, in some sort, hu mane, 137. Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal, tyrannical act of, 141. Ambrose, Saint, excellent (but rationalistic) sentiment of, 40. " American Citizen," new com post so called, 118. American Eagle, a source of inspiration, 50 hitherto wrongly classed, 58 long bill of, 59. Amos, cited, 40. Anakim, that they formerly ex isted, shown, 142. Angels, providentially speak French, 28 conjectured to be skilled in all tongues, ib. Anglo-Saxondom, its idea, what, 26. Anglo-Saxon mask, 26. Anglo-Saxon race, 20. Anglo-Saxon verse, by \rhom carried to perfection, 13. Antonius, a speech of, 45 by whom best reported, ib. Apocalypse, beast in, magnetic to theologians, 94. Apollo, confessed mortal by his own oracle, 94. Apollyon, his tragedies popular, 82. Appian, an Alexandrian, not equal to Shakspcare as an orator, 45. Ararat, ignorance of foreign tongues is an, 60. Arcadian background, 120. Aristophanes, 39. Arms, profession of, once es teemed especially that of gen tlemen, 12. Arnold, 47. Ashland, 120. Astor, Jacob, a rich man, 103. Astraea, nineteenth century for saken by, 116. Athenians, ancient, an institu tion of, 46. Athcrton, Senator, envies the loon, 69. Austin, St., profane wish of, 48. note. Aye-Aye, the, an African am- mal/America supposed to be settled by, 31. 150 INDEX. B. Babel, probably the first Con gress, GO a gabble-mill, ib. Baby, a low-priced one, 112. Bagowind, lion. Mr., whether to be damned, 72. Baldwin apples, 142. Baratarias, real or imaginary, which most pleasant, 116. Barnum. a great natural curiosi ty recommended to, 55. Barrels, an inference from sec- ing, 142. Baton Rouge, 120 strange pe culiarities of laborers at, 121. Baxter, R., a saying of, 41. Bay, Mattysqumscot, 135. Bay State , singular effect pro duced on military oflicers by leaving it, 27. Beast in Apocalypse, a load stone for whom, 94. Beelzebub, his rigadoon, 70. Behmen, his letters not letters, 86. Boilers, a saloon-keeper, 126 inhumanly refuses credit to a presidential candidate, 127. Biglow, E/ekiel. his letter to Hon. J. T. Buckingham, 1 never heard of any one named Mundishes, 3 nearly four score years old, ib. his aunt Keziah, a notable saying of, ib. Biglow, Hosca, excited by com position, 2 a poem by, 3,75 his opinion of war, 5 wanted at home by Nancy, 8 recommends a forcible en listment of warlike editors, ib. would not wonder, if gen erally agreed with, 9 versi fies letter of Mr. Sawin, 13 a letter from, 14, 65 his opinion of Mr. Sawin, 15 does not deny fun at Corn wallis, 16, note his idea of militia glory, 21, note a pun of, 22, note is uncertain in regard to people of Boston, ib. had never heard of Mr. John P. Robinson, 32 <t/i- quid snfftaminandus, 33 his poems attributed to a Mr. Lowell, 38 is unskilled in Latin, 39 his poetry ma ligned by some, ib. his dis interestedness, ib. his deep share in commonweal, ib. his claim to the presidency, 40 his mowing, ib. re sents being called Whig, 41 opposed to tariff, ib. obsti nate, ib. infected with pecu liar notions, ib. reports a speech, 45 emulates histo rians of antiquity, ib. his character sketched from a hos tile point of view. 59 a re quest of his complied with, 73 appointed at a public meet ing in Jaalam, 87 confesses ignorance, in one minute par ticular, of propriety, ib. his opinion of cocked hats, ib. letter to, 88 called " Dear Sir," by a general, ib. prob ably receives same compli ment from two hundred and nine, 87 picks his apples, 142 his crop of Baldwins conjccturally large, ib. Billings, Dca. Cephas, 17. Birch, virtue of, in instilling certain of the dead languages, 114. Bird of our country sings ho- sanna, 20. Blind, to go it, 111. Blitz pulls ribbons from his mouth, 19. INDEX. 151 Bluenose potatoes, smell of, ea gerly desired, 21. Bobtail obtains a cardinal s hat, 31. Bollcs, Mr. Seeondary, author of prize peace essay, 19 presents sword to Lieutenant- Colonel, ib. a fluent orator, ib. found to be in error, 21. Bonaparte, N., a usurper, 94. Boot-trees, productive, where, 114. Boston, people of, supposed ed ucated, 22, note. Brahmins, navel-contemplating, 84. Bread-trees, 113. Brigadier- Generals in militia, devotion of, 44. Brown, Mr., engages in an un equal contest, 72. Browne, Sir. T., a pious and wise sentiment of, cited and com mended, 14. Buckingham, Hon. J. T., editor of the Boston Courier, letters to, 1, 13, 38, 65 not afraid, 15. Buffalo, a plan hatched there, 130 plaster, a prophecy in regard to, 131. Buncombe, in the other world supposed, 46. Bung, the eternal, thought to be loose, 8. Bungtown Fcncibles, dinner of, 31. Butter in Irish bogs, 113 C. C., General, commended for parts, 34 for ubiquity, ib. for consistency, ib. for fidel ity, ib. is in favor of war, 35 his curious valuation of principle, ib. Caesar, tribute to, 78 his veni, vidi, vici, censured for undue prolixity, 96. Cainites, sect of, supposed still extant, 11. Caleb, a monopoly of his denied, 18 curious notions of, as to meaning of "shelter," 24 his definition of Anglo-Saxon, 25 charges Mexicans (not with bayonets, but) with im proprieties, ib. Calhoun, Hon. J. C., his cow bell curfew, ligJit of the nine teenth century to be extin guished at sound of, 63 cannot let go apron-string of the Past, 64 his unsuccess ful tilt at Spirit of the Age, ib. the Sir Kay of modern chivalry, ib. his anchor made of a crooked pin, 65 men tioned, 66 - 70. Cambridge Platform, use discov ered for, 30. Canary Islands, 114. Candidate, prcsidental, letter from, 88 smells a rat, ib. against a bank, 90 takes a revolving position, ib. opin ion of pledges, ib. is a peri- ,wig, ib. fronts south by north, 92 qualifications of, lessening, 96 wooden leg (and head) useful to, 109. Cape Cod clergymen, what, 30 Sabbath-breakers, perhaps, reproved by, ib. Carpini, Father John do Piano, among the Tartars, 141. Carder, Jacques, commendable zeal of, 140. Cass, General, 67 clearness of 152 INDEX. his merit, 68 limited popu larity at "Bcllcrs s," liiU. Castles, Spanish, comfortable ac commodations in, 116. Cato, letters of, so called, sus pended HCISO adunco, 86. C P., friends of, can hear of him, 86. Chalk egg, w * ftr c proud of in cubation of, 85. Chappclow on Job, a copy of, lost, 74. Cherubusco, news of, its effects on English royalty, 57. Chesterfield no letter- writer, 86. Chief Magistrate, dancing es teemed sinful by, 30. Children naturally speak He brew, 13. China- tree, 114. Chinese, whether they invented gunpowder before the Chris tian era not considered, 30. Choatc hired, 129. Christ shuiHed into Apocrypha. 31 conjectured to disapprove of slaughter and pillage, 35 condemns a certain piece of barbarism, 72. Christianity, profession of, ple beian, whether, 13. Christian soldiers, perhaps in consistent, whether, 44. Cicero, an opinion of, disputed, 95. Cilley, Ensign, author of nefari ous sentiment, 31. Clmcx lectularins, 11. Cincinnatus, a stock character in modern comedy, 120. Civilization, progress of, an a//s, 74 rides upon a powder- cart, 89. Clergymen, their ill husbandry. 73 their place in proccs- j sions, 118 some, cruelly ban- ished for the soundness of their limits. 141. Cocked-hat, advantages of being knocked into, 37. College of Cardinal^, a strange one, 31. Colman, Dr. Benjamin, antc.ln-e of, 44. Colored folks, curious national diversion of kicking, 24. Colquitt, a remark of, 69 ac quainted with some principles of aerostation, ih. Columbia, District of, its peculiar climatic effects, 49 not cer tain that Martin is for abol ishing it, 131. Columbus, a Paul Pry of genius, 85. Columby, 124. Complete Letter-Writer, fatal gift of, 93. Compostclla, St. James of, seen, 28. Congress, singular consequence of getting into, 49. Congressional debates, found in structive, 61. Constituents, useful for what, 50. Constitution trampled on, 66 to stand upon, what, 89. Convention, what, 49, 50. Convention, Springfield, 49. Coon! old, pleasure in skinning, 68. Coppers, caste in picking up of, 106. Copres, a monk, his excellent method of arguing, 61. Cornwallis, a, 16 acknowl edged entertaining, >!>., note. Cotton Mather, summoned a.s witness, 28. Country lawyers, sent providen tially, 36. * Country, our, its boundaries INDEX. 153 more exactly defined, 37 right or wrong, nonsense about exposed, ib. Courier. The Boston, an unsafe print, 59. Court, General, fanners some times attain seats in, 121. Cowper, W., his letters com mended. 86 Creed, a safe kind of, 110. Crusade, first American, 29. Cuneiform script recommended, 96. Curiosity distinguishes man from brutes, 84. D. Davis, Mr , of Mississippi, a re mark of his, 68. Day and Martin, proverbially ""on hand," 2. Death, rings down curtain, 82. Delphi, oracle of, sm-passed, 58, note alluded to, 94. Destiny, her account, 56. Devil, the, unskilled in certain Indian tongues, 28. Dey of Tripoli, 63. Diaz, Bernal, has a vision, 28 his relationship to the Scar let Woman, ib. Didymus, a somewhat volumi nous grammarian, 94. Dighton rock character might be usefully employed in some emergencies, 96. Dim i try Bruisgins, fresh supply of, 83. Diogenes, his zeal for propagat ing certain variety of olive. 114. Dioscuri, imps of the pit, 29. District- Attorney, contemptible conduct of one, 63. Ditchwatcr on brain, a too com mon ailing, 62. Doctor, the, a proverbial saying of, 27. Doughface, yeast-proof, 79. Drayton, a martyr, 63 north star, culpable for aiding, whether, 71. E. Earth, Dame, a peep at hei housekeeping, 64. Eating words, habit of, conven ient in time of famine, 55. Eavesdroppers, 84, Editor, his position, 73 com manding pulpit of, 74 large congregation of, ib. name derived from what, 75 fond ness for mutton, ib. a pious one, his creed, ib. a show man, 81 in danger of sud den arrest, without bail, 82. Editors, certain ones who crow like cockerels, 8. Egyptian darkness, phial of, use for, 96. Eldorado, Mr. Sawin sets sail for, 113. Elizabeth, Queen, mistake of her ambassador 46. Empedocles, 85. Employment, regular, a good thing, 105. Epaulets, perhaps no badge of saintship, 35. Episcopius, his marvellous ora tory, 141. Eric, king of Sweden, his cap, 115. Evangelists, iron ones, 30. Eyelids, a divine shield against; authors, 61. Ezckiel, text taken from. 73 154 INDEX. Factory-girls, expected rebellion of, 69. Family-trees, fruit of jejune, 114 Faneuil Hall, a place where per sons tap themselves for a spe cies of hyclroccphalus, 62 a bill of fare mendaciously advertised in, 113. Father of country, his shoes 122. Female Papists, cut off in midst of idolatry, 1 1 7. Fire, we all* like to play with it 64. Fish, emblematic, but disregard ed, where, 62. Flam, President, untrustworthv, 51. Fly-leaves, providential increase of, 61. Foote, Mr., his taste for field- sports, 66. Fourier, a squinting toward, 59. Fourth of Julys, boiling, 47. France, a strange dance begun in, 70. Fuller, Dr. Thomas, a wise say ing of, 33. Funnel, Old, hurraing in, 18. G. Gawain, Sir, his amusements, 65. Gay, S. H., Esquire, editor of National Antislavery Stand ard, letter to, 84. Getting up early, 5, 25. Ghosts, some, presumed fidgetty, (but see Stillin^ s Pneumato l- ogy,) 86. Giants formerly stupid, 85. Gift of tongues, distressing case of, 61. Globe Theatre, cheap season- ticket to, 82. Glory, a perquisite of officers, 107 her account with B. Sawin, Esq., 113. Goatsnose, the celebrated, inter view with, 95. Gray s letters are letters, 86. Great horn spoon, sworn by. 66 Greeks, ancient, whether they questioned candidates, 95. Green Man, sign of, 40. H. Ham, sandwich, an orthodox (but peculiar; one, 71. Hamlets, machine for making, 98. Ilammon, 58, note, 94. Hannegan, Mr., something said by, 48. Harrison, General, how preserv ed, 93. Hat-trees, in full bearing, 114. Hawkins, Sir John, stout, some thing he saw, 114. Henry the Fourth of England, a Parliament of, how named, 46. [Icrculcs, his second labor prob ably what, 142. flcrodotus, story from, 14. [lespcrides, an inference from. 114. Golden, Mr. Shcarjasbub, Pre ceptor of Jaalam Academy, 94 his knowledge of Greek limited, ib. a heresy of his, ib. leaves a fund to propa gate it, 95. :Iollis, Ezra, goes to a CornwaJ lis, 16. INDEX. 155 follow, why men providential ly so constructed, 47. Homer, a phrase of, cited, 74. Homers, democratic ones, plums left for, 52. Howell, James, Esq., story told by, 46 letters of, commend ed, 86. Human rights out of order on the floor of Congress, 66. Humbug, ascription of praise to, 80 generally believed in, ib. Husbandry, instance of bad, 33. I. Icarius, Penelope s father, 38. Infants, prattlings of, curious ob servation concerning, 13. Information wanted (universal ly, but especially at page), 86. J. Jaalam Centre, Anglo-Saxons unjustly suspected by the young ladies there, 26 " Independent, Blunderbuss," strange conduct of editor of, 7S public meeting at, 87. Jaalam Point, light-house on, charge of prospectivcly offered to Mr. II. Biglow, 92 meet ing-house ornamented with imaginary clock, 116. Jakes, Captain, 135 reproved for avarice, 136. James the Fourth of Scots, ex periment by, 14. Jarnagin, Mr., his opinion of tbe completeness of Northern education, 68. Jerome, Saint, his list of sacred writers, 86. Job, Book of, 11 Cbappelow on, 74. Johnson, Mr., communicates some intelligence, 70. Jonah, the inevitable destinv of, 71 probably studied inter nal economy of the cetacea, 85. Jortin, Dr., cited, 44, 58, note Judca, every thing not known there, 36. Juvenal, a saying of, 56, note. K. Kay, Sir, the, of modern chival ry, who, 64. Key, brazen one, 63. Ivcziah, Aunt, profound obser vation of, 3. Kinderhook, 120. Kingdom Come, march to, easy, 100. Konigsmark, Count. 12. L. Lamb, Charles, his epistolary excellence, 86. Latimer. Bishop, episcopizes Satan, 11. Latin tongue, curious informa tion concerning, 39. Launcelot, Sir, a trusscr of gi ants formerly, perhaps would find less sport therein now 65. Letters classed, 86 their shape. 87 of candidates, 92 of ten fatal, 93. Lewis Philip^ a scourger oi young native Americans, 57 commiserated (though no* deserving it), 58, note. INDEX. Liberator, a newspaper, con demned by implication, 41. Liberty unwholesome for men of certain complexions, 7.">. Lignum vitas, a gift of this val uable wood proposed, 27. Longinus recommends swear ing, 15, note (Fuscli did same thing). Long sweetening recommended. 101. Lost arts, one sorrowfully added to list of. 141. Louis the Eleventh of France, some odd trees of his, 114. Lowell, Mr. J. K., unaccountable silence of, 38. Luther, Martin, his first appear ance as Europa, 28. Lyttclton, Lord, his letters an imposition, 86. M. Macrobii, their diplomacy, 95. Mahomet, got nearer Sinai than some, 74. Mahound, his filthy gobbets, 28. Mangum, Mr., speaks to the point, 67. Manichaean, excellently confut ed, 61. Man- .recs, grew where, 114. Mares -ncsts, iindcrs of, benevo lent. 85. Murshficld, 120, 129. Martin, Mr. Sawin used to vote for him, 131. Mason and Dixon s line, slaves north of, G7. Mass, the. its duty defined, 67. Massachusetts on her knees, 9 something mentioned in con nection with, worthy the at tention of tailors, 49 citi zen of, baked, boiled, and roasted (nefundum!}, 108. , the, used as butter by some, 52. M. C., an invertebrate animal 55. Mechanics 1 Fair, reflections sug gested at, 98. Mentor, letters of. dreary, 86. Mephistopheta at a nonplus, Mexican blood, its effect in rais ing price of cloth, 117. Mexican polka, 30. Mexicans charged with various breaches of etiquette, 25 kind feelings beaten into them, 80. Mexico, no glory in overcoming, 50. Military glory spoken disre spectfully of. 21, note mili tia treated still worse, ib. Milk-trees, growing still, 113. Mills for manufacturing gabble, how driven, 60. Milton, an unconscious plagiary, 48, note a Latin verse of, cited, 75. Missions, a profitable kind of, 76. Monarch, a pagan, probably not favored in philosophical ex periments, 14. Money-trees desirable, 113 that they once existed shown to be variously probable, 114. Montaigne, a communicative old Gascon, 85. Monterey, battle of, its singular chromatic effect on a species of two-headed eagle, 57. Moses held up vainly as an ex ample, 74 construed by Jcc Smith, 75. Myths, how to interpret readily, 95. INDEX. 157 N. Naboths, Popish ones, how dis tinguished, 30. Nation, rights of, proportionate to size, 25. National pudding, its effect on the organs of speech, a curious physiological fact, 31. Nephclim, not yet extinct, 142. New England overpowcringlv honored, 54 wants no more speakers, ib. done brown by whom, ib. her experi ence in beans beyond Cicero s, 95. Newspaper, the, wonderful, 80 a strolling theatre, 81 thoughts suggested by tearing wrapper of, 82 a vacant sheet, ib. a sheet in which a vision was let down, 83 wrapper to a bar of soap, ib. a cheap impromptu plat ter, ib. New York, Letters from, com mended, 86. Next life, what, 73. Niggers, 7 area of abusing, extended, 50 Mr. Sawin s opinions of, 133. Ninepence a day low for mur der, 17. No. a monosyllable, 31 hard to utter, ib. Noah, inclosed letter in bottle, probably, 85. Nornas. Lapland, what, ^15. North, has n o business, 66 bristling, crowded off roost, 92. North Bend, geese inhumanly treated at, 93 mentioned, 120. North star, a proposition to in dict, 71. O. Off ox, 90. Officers, miraculous transforma tion in character of, 27 An glo-Saxon, come very near being anathematized, 28. O Phacc, Increase D., Esq , speech of, 45. Oracle of Pools, still respectful ly consulted, 46. Orion, becomes commonplace, 83. Orrery, Lord, his letters (lord ! ), 86." Ostracism, curious species of, 46. P. Palestine, 28. Palfrey, Hon. J. G., 46, 54, 56 (a worthy representative of Massachusetts). Pantagruel recommends a pop ular oracle, 46. Panurge, his interview with Goatsnosc, 95. Papists, female, slain by zealous Protestant bomb-shell, 117. Paralipomenon, a man suspected of being, 93. Paris, liberal principles safe as far away as, 75. Parliamentum Tndoctorum sitting in permanence, 46. Past, the, a good nurse, 64. Patience, sister, quoted, 20. Paynims, their throats propa- gandistically cut, 28. Penelope, her wise choice, 38. People, soft enough, 77 want correct ideas, 110. Pepin, King, 87. Periwig, 91. Persius, a pithy saying of, 52 note. 158 INDEX. Pescara, Marquis, saying of, 11. Peter. Saint, a letter of (}wst mortem), 87. Pharisees, opprobriously referred to, 75. Philippe, Louis, in pea-jacket, 81. Phlegyas quoted, 72. Phrygian language, whether Ad am spoke it, 14. Pilgrims, the, 50. Pillows, constitutional, 56. Pinto, Mr., some letters of his commended, 86. Pisgah, an impromptu one, 115. Platform, party, a convenient one, 111. Plato, supped with, 85 his man, 93. Pleiades, the, not enough es teemed, 83. Plinv, his letters not admired, 86*. Plotinus, a story of, 64. Plymouth Rock, Old, a Conven tion wrecked on, 50. Point Tribulation, Mr. Sawin wrecked on, 113. Poles, exile, whether crop of beans depends on, 24, note. Polk. President, synonymous with our country, 35 cen sured, 50 in danger of being crushed, 52. Polka. Mexican, 30. Pomp, a runaway slave, his nest, 133 hypocritically groans like white man, 134 blind to Christian privileges. 135 his society valued at fifty dol lars, ib. his treachery, 136 takes Mr. Sawin prison er, 138 cruelly makes him work, ib. put.-- himself ille gally under his tuition, 139 dismisses him with continue lions epithets, ib. Pontifical bull, a tamed one, 28. Pope, his verse excellent, 13. Pork, refractory in boiling, 27. Portugal, Alphonso the Sixth of, a monster. 141. Post, Boston, 38 shaken visi bly, 40 bad guide-post, ib too swift, ib. edited by a colonel, ib. who is presumed officially in Mexico, ib. re ferred to, 59. Pot-hooks, death in, 96. Preacher, an ornamental symbol 74 a breeder of dogmas, //>. earnestness of, important, 141. Present, considered as an annal ist, 74 not long wonderful, 83. President, slaveholding natural to, 79 must be a Southern resident, 111 must own a nigger, ib. Principle, exposure spoils it, 48. Principles, bad, when less harm ful, 32. Prophecy, a notable one, 58. Proviso, bitterly spoken of, 90. Prudence, sister, her idiosyncrat ic teapot. 104. Psammeticus, an experiment of, 14. Public opinion a blind and drunken guide, 31 nudges Mr. Wilburs elbow, ib. ticklers of, 51. Pythagoras a bean-hater, why, 95. Pythagoreans, fish reverenced *by, why, 62. Q. Quixote, Don, 65. INDEX. 159 R. Rag, one of sacred college, 31. Rantoul, Mr., talks loudly, 19 pious reason for not enlist ing, ib. Recruiting sergeant, Devil sup posed the first, 11. Representatives Chamber, 62. Rhinothism, society for promot ing, 85. Rhyme, whether natural not con sidered, 13. Rib, an infrangible one, 101. Richard the First of England, his Christian fervor, 28. Riches conjectured to have legs as well as wings, 71. Robinson, Mr. John P., his opin ions fully stated, 34 - 36. Rocks, pocket full of, 103. Rough and Ready, 126 a wig, 128 a kind of scratch, ib. Russian eagle turns Prussian blue, 57. S. Sabbath, breach of, 29. Sabclhaniam, one accused of, 93. Saltillo, unfavorable view of, 21. Salt-river, in Mexican, what, 21. Samuel, TJncle, riotous, 56 yet has qualities demanding rev erence, 75 a good provider for his family, 77 an exor bitant bill of, ll7. Sansculottes, draw their wine before drinking, 69. Santa Anna, his expensive leg, 109. Satan, never wants attorneys, 28 an expert talker by signs. ib. a successful fisherman with little or no bait, 29 cunning fetch of, 32 dislikes ridicule, 39 ought not to have credit of ancient oracles, 58. note. Satirist, incident to certain dan gers, 32. Savages, Canadian, chance of redemption offered to, 141. Sawin, B.. Esquire, his letter not written in verse, 13 a native of Jaalam, 14 not regular attendant on Rev. Mr. Wil bur s preaching, ib. a fool, ib. his statements trustAvor- thy, 15 his ornithological tastes, ib. letter from, 16, 97,120 his curious discov ery in regard to bayonets, 17, 18 displays proper family pride, 18 modestly confess es himself less wise than the Queen of Sheba, 24 the old Adam in, peeps out, 27 a miles emeritus, 97 is made text for a sermon, ib. loses a leg, 99 an eye, 100 left hand, 101 four fingers of right hand, ib. has six or more ribs bi oken, ib. a rib of his infrangible, ib. allows a certain amount of preterite greenness in himself, 102, 103 his share of spoil limited, 103 his opinion of Mexican climate, 104 acquires prop erty of a certain sort, 105 his experience of glory, 106, 107 stands sentry, and puns thereupon, 107 undergoes martyrdom in some of its most painful forms, 108 enters the candidating busi ness, ib. modestly states the (avail)abilities which qualify him for high political station, 109- 112 has no principles 160 INDEX. 109 a pcaccmnn, ib. un pledged, 110 has no objec tions to owning pt\-ii/i<ir prop erty, but would not like to monopolize the truth, 112 his account with glory, 113 a selfish motive hinted in, ib. sails for Kldorado, Hi. shipwrecked on a metaphori cal promontory, ib. parallel between, and Rev. Mr. Wil- "bur (not Plutarchian), 115 conjectured- to have bathed in river Sclcmnus, 120 loves plough wisely, but not too \vell. ih. a foreign mission probably expected by. 121 Unanimously nominated for presidency. 1 22 his country s father-in-law, 123 nobly em ulates Cincinnatus, 124 is not a crooked stick, ib. ad vises his adherents, 125 views of, on present state of politics, 125-133 popular enthusiasm for, at Bellers s, and its disagreeable conse quences, 12G inhuman treat ment of, by Bellers. 127 his opinion of the two parties. 128 agrees with Mr. Web ster, 129 his ant isla very zeal, 131 his proper self-respect, ib. his unaffected piety, 132 his not intemperate temper ance, ib. a thrilling adven ture of, 133-140 his pru dence and economy. 134 bound to Captain Jake-;, but regains his freedom. 135 is taken prisoner, 137, 138 ig- nominiously treated. 138. 139 bis consequent resolution, 140. Sayres, a martyr, 63. Scaliger, saying of, 33. Scaraba ".<? ptZtifaritft, 22. Scott, General, his claims to the proidviicy. 40. 43. Scythians, their diplomacy com mended, 95. Seamen, colored, sold, 10. Selemnus, a sort of Lethean river, 120. Senate, debate in, made read able. 63. Seneca, saying of, 32 another, 58 overrated by a saint (but see Lord Lolingbroke s opin ion of, in a letter to Dean Swift), 86 his letters not commended, ib. a son of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 116. Serbonian bog of literature, 62. Sextons, demand for. 20 hero ic official devotion of one, 140. Shaking fever, considered as an employer, 105. Shakspcare, a good reporter, 45. Sham, President, honest, 51. Sbeba, Queen of, 24. Sheep, none of Rev. Mr. Wil bur s turned wolves, 14. Siicm, Scriptural curse of. 140. Show, natural to love it, 21, note. Silver spoon bora in Democra cy s mouth, what, 53. Sinai, suffers outrages, 74. Sin, wilderness of, modern, what, 74. Skin, hole in, strange taste of some for, 107. Slaughter, whether God strength en us for, 29. Slaughterers and soldiers com pared, 118. Slaughtering nowadays is slaughtering. 118. Slavery, of no color, 7 corner stone of liberty, 59 also key- INDEX. 1G1 stone, 66 last crumb of Eden, 70 a Jonah, 71 an institution, 91 a private State concern, 134. Smith, Joe, used as a translation, 75. Smith, John, an interesting char acter, 84. Smith, Mr., fears entertained for, 72 dined with, 85. Smith, N. B., his magnanimity, 81. Soandso, Mr., the great, defines his position, 81. Sol, the fisherman, 23 sound ness of respiratory organs hypothctically attributed to, ib. Solon, a saying of, 31. South Carolina, futile attempt to iinohor, 85. Spanish, to walk, what, 24. Speech-making, an abuse of gift of speech, 60. Star, north, subject to indict ment, whether, 71. Store, cheap cash, a wicked fraud, 115. Strong, Governor Caleb, a pa triot, 37. Swearing, commended as a fig ure of speech, 15, note. Swift, Dean, threadbare saying of, 39. T. Tag. elevated to the Cardinal- ate, 31. Taxes, direct, advantages of, 116, 117. Taylor zeal, its origin, 126 General, greased by Mr. Choate, 129, 130. Thanks, get lodged, 106. 11 Thirty-nine articles might be made "serviceable, 30. Thor, a foolish attempt of, 64. Thumb, General Thomas, a val uable member of society, 55. Thunder, supposed in easy cir cumstances, 102. Thynne, Mr., murdered, 12. Time, an innocent personage to swear by, 15 a scene-shifter, 82. Toms, Peeping, 84. Trees, various kinds of extraor dinary ones, 113, 114. Trowbridge, William, mariner, adventure of, 29. Truth and falsehood start from same point, 33 truth invul nerable to satire, ib. compar ed to a river, 45 of fiction sometimes truer than fact, ib. - told plainly, passim. Tuilcries, exciting scene at, 58. Tully, a saying of, 48, note. Twecdlcdec, gospel according to, 75. TAvccdledum, great principles of. 75. U. Ulysses, husband of Penelope, 38 borrows money, 115. (For full particulars * of, see Homer and Dante.) University, triennial catalogue of, 42. V. Van Buren fails of gaining Mr. Sawin s confidence, 131 his son John reproved, 132. Van, Old, plan to set up, 130 162 INDEX. Venetians, invented something once, 115. Vices, cardinal, sacred conclave of, 31. Victoria, Queen, her natural ter ror, 57. Vratz, Captain, a Pomeranian, singular views of, 12. W. Walpolc, Horace, classed, 85 his letters praised, 86. Waltham Plain, Cormvallis at, 16. Walton, punctilious in his inter course with fishes, 30. War, abstract, horrid, 89 its hoppers, grist of, what, 106. Warton, Thomas, a stoiy of, 43. Washington, charge brought against. 123. Washington, city of, climatic in fluence of, on coats, 49 mentioned, 63 grand jury of, 71. Washingtons, two hatched at a time by improved machine, 123. Water, Taunton, proverbially weak, 133. Water-trees, 114. Webster, some sentiments of, commended by Mr. Sawin, 129. Wcstcott, Mr., his horror, 70. Whig party, has a large throat, 41 but query as to swallow ing spurs, 130. White-house, 92. Wife-trees. 114 Wilbur, Rev. Homer, A. M., consulted, 2 his instructions to his flock, 14 a proposition of his for Protestant bomb shells, 30 his elbow nudged, 31 his notions of satire, ;)2 some opinions of his quot cd Avith apparent Approval by Mr. Biglow, 36 geographi cal speculations of, 37 a justice of the peace, ib. a letter of, 38 a Latin pun of, 39 runs against a post with out injury, 40 docs not seek notoriety (whatever some ma- lignants may affirm), 41 fits youths for college, 42 -- a chap lain during late war with Kng- land, 44 a shrewd observa tion of, 46 some curious speculations of, GO- 62 his martello-towcr, 60 forgets he is not in pulpit, 71, 97-99 extracts from sermon of, 73, 80 interested in John Smith, 84 his views concerning present state of letters. 84 -87 a stratagem of, 93 ven tures two hundred and fourth interpretation of Beast in Apocalypse, 94 christens Hon. B. Sawin, then an in fant. 97 an addition to our sylca proposed hy. 113 curi ous and instructive adventure of, 115-116 his account with an unnatural uncle. 117 his uncomfortable imagina tion, 118 speculations con cerning Cincinnati!*, 120, 12J confesses digressive tei dency of mind, 140 goes to work on sermon (not without fear that his readers will dub him with a reproachful epithet like that with which Isaac Allcrton, a Mayflower man revenues himself on a delin quent debtor of his, calling INDEX. 163 him in his will, and thus holding him up to posteri ty, as " John Peterson, THE BORE"), 142. Wilbur, Mrs., an invariable rule of, 42 her profile, 43. Wildbore, a vernacular one, how to escape, 62. Wind, the, a good Samaritan, 98. Wooden leg, remarkable for so briety, 100 never eats pud ding, 102. Wright, Colonel, providentially rescued, 22. Wrong, abstract, safe to op pose, 52. Z. Zack, Old, 125. THE