tHQ 
 
 UC-NRLF 
 
GIFT OF 
 
MARRIAGE RING: 
 
 OR 
 
 HOW TO MAKE HOME HAPPY. 
 JOHN ANGELL JAMES. 
 
 Pure, open, prosperous love, 
 That, pledged on earth and sealed above, 
 Grows in the world s approving eyes, 
 In Friendship s smile, and home s caress, 
 Collecting all the heart s sweet ties 
 Into one knot of happiness !" 
 
 BOSTON: 
 GOULD, KENDALL AND LINCOLN. 
 
Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1842, 
 
 EY GOULD, KENDALL & LINCOLN, 
 
 In the Clerk s Office of the District Court of the District of 
 
 Massachusetts. 
 
 , 
 
 1 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 THIS little volume, intended as a mam al 
 for those just entering the marriage state, is 
 selected, principally, from the works of an 
 author beloved and esteemed for his many 
 practical writings, and who has very justly 
 remarked : 
 
 "It is an unquestionable truth, that if a 
 man be not happy at home, he cannot be 
 happy anywhere ; and he who is happy there 
 need be miserable nowhere. c It is the place 
 of all the world I love most, said the inter 
 esting author of the Task, when speaking of 
 home. And he may be felicitated who can 
 say the same. Any attempt, however feeble, 
 to render the domestic circle, what it ever 
 should be, a scene of comfort, is at least 
 benevolent. The secret of happiness lies 
 folded up in the leaves of the Bible, and is 
 carried in the bosom of Religion. The au 
 thor knows of no other way to felicity, and 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 therefore does not profess to teach any other. 
 Let the two parties in wedded life, be believ 
 ers in Christ Jesus, and partake themselves 
 of the peace that passeth understanding ; let 
 them, when they become a father and a 
 mother, bring up their children in the fear of 
 God ; and if happiness is to be found upon 
 earth, it will "be enjoyed within the hallowed 
 circle of a family, thus united by love, and 
 sanctified by grace." 
 
 Most of the works published on this sub 
 ject, have been of a light and trifling charac 
 ter, but the compiler of this volume, has 
 aimed to present such a work, as might be 
 deemed a suitable offering from the hand of 
 a Pastor, or Christian Friend. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 THE FORMATION OF THE MARRIAGE UNION. 
 
 Importance of this step, ill-formed marriages, 
 be guided by advice, mutual attachment indis 
 pensable, beauty, love of the person, mind, 
 manners, countenance and heart, marrying for 
 money, disappointments, prudence in your 
 choice, equality in age, rank and condition, 
 ministers wives, harmony of religious senti 
 ments, widows and widowers, a second wife, 
 preparation for marriage, 7 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 
 
 Sources of domestic happiness, the domestic con 
 stitution, its divine origin, its nature and de 
 sign, religion, its basis, joy and support, . 31 
 
VI CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 MUTUAL DUTIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE. 
 
 Marriage the foundation of the domestic constitu 
 tion, love the ground-work of all, mutual re 
 gard, avoid offences, little things, mine and 
 thine, mutual respect, attachment to each oth 
 er s society, evenings at home, public duties, 
 mutual forbearance, faults, mutual assist 
 ance, personal religion, benevolence, mutual 
 sympathy in sickness and affliction, . . 41 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 SPECIAL DUTIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE. 
 
 The husband most in danger of failing in his duty, 
 Christ a model, his love was sincere, ardent, 
 supreme, uniform, practical and laborious, dura 
 ble and unchangeable, a plea for the wife. The 
 Wife, her duties, subjection, reverence in 
 speech and action, good humor, meekness, 
 extravagance in show arid dress, economy and 
 order. The Mother, her attention to the wel 
 fare and comfort of children, keeper at home, 
 literary characters, religious duties and influ 
 ence, re-union in heaven, ... 77 
 
MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 THE FORMATION OF THE MARRIAGE UNION. 
 
 " Happy they ! the happiest of their kind I 
 Whom gentler stars unite ; and in one fate 
 Their hearts, their fortunes, and their being blend." 
 
 IT must be evident to all, that marriage is 
 a step of incalculable importance, and ought 
 never to be taken without the greatest con 
 sideration and the utmost caution. If the 
 duties of this state are so numerous and so 
 weighty, and if the right discharge of these 
 obligations, as well as the happiness of our 
 whole life, and even our safety for eternity, 
 depend, as they necessarily must do, in no 
 small measure upon the choice we make of 
 a husband or wife, then let reason determine 
 with what deliberation we should advance to 
 such a connexion. It is obvious, that no 
 
THE MARRIAGE 
 
 . of* ouy whole e aith\y existence re 
 quires more of the exercise of a calm judg 
 ment than this ; and yet observation proves 
 how rarely the judgment is allowed to give 
 counsel, and how generally the imagination 
 and the passions settle the business. 
 
 A very great portion of the misery and of 
 the crime with which society is depraved 
 and afflicted, is the result of ill-formed mar 
 riages. To use the beautiful language of 
 another, " those who enter the marriage state 
 cast a die of the greatest contingency, and 
 yet of the greatest interest in the world, next 
 to the last throw for eternity. Life or death, 
 felicity or a lasting sorrow, are in the power 
 of marriage. A woman indeed ventures 
 most, for she hath no sanctuary to retire to, 
 from an evil husband ; she must dwell upon 
 her sorrow, which her own folly hath pro 
 duced ; and she is more under it, because 
 her tormentor hath warrant of prerogative, 
 and the woman may complain to God, as 
 subjects do of tyrant princes, but otherwise 
 she hath no appeal in the causes of unkind- 
 ness. And though THE MAN can run from 
 many hours of sadness, yet he must return to 
 it again ; and when he sits among his neigh- 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 bors, he remembers the objection that lies in 
 his bosom, and he sighs deeply." 
 
 If, however, it were merely the comfort of 
 the married pair themselves that was con 
 cerned, it would be a matter of less conse 
 quence, a stake of less value ; but the well- 
 being of a family, not only for this world, but 
 for the next, and equally so the well-being 
 of their descendants, even to a remote period, 
 depends upon this union. In the ardor of 
 passion, few are disposed to listen to the 
 counsels of prudence ; and perhaps there is 
 no advice, generally speaking, more thrown 
 away, than that which is offered on the sub 
 ject of marriage. 
 
 Most persons, especially if they are already 
 attached to a selected object, although they 
 have not committed themselves by a promise 
 or even a declaration, will go on in the pur 
 suit, blinded by love to the indiscretion of 
 their choice ; or desperately determined, with 
 the knowledge of that indiscretion, to ac 
 complish, if possible, their purpose. Upon 
 such individual s, reasoning is wasted, and 
 they must be left to gain wisdom in the only 
 way by which s^ne will acquire it, painful 
 experience. To others, who may be yet 
 
10 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 disengaged, and disposed to hearken to the 
 language of advice, the following remarks 
 are offered. 
 In the affair of marriage, BE GUIDED BY 
 
 THE ADVICE OF PARENTS OR GUARDIANS. 
 
 Parents have no right to select for you, nor 
 ought you to select for yourself, without 
 consulting with them. How far they are 
 vested with authority to prohibit you from 
 marrying a person whom they disapprove, 
 is a point of casuistry very difficult to deter 
 mine. 
 
 If you are of age, and able to provide for 
 yourselves, or are likely to be well provided 
 for by those to whom you are about to be 
 united, it is a question whether they can do 
 anything more than advise and persuade; 
 but till you are of age, they have positive 
 authority to forbid; and it is an undutiful 
 act in you to form connexions without their 
 knowledge, and to carry them on against 
 their prohibitions. 
 
 Their objections ought always, I admit, to 
 be founded on reason, and not on caprice, or 
 pride ; for, where this is the case, and chil 
 dren are of full age, and are^ guided in their 
 choice by prudence, by piety, and by affection, 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 11 
 
 they certainly may, and must be left to 
 decide for themselves. Where, however, 
 parents rest their objections on sufficient 
 grounds, and show plain and palpable reasons 
 for prohibiting a connexion, there it is the 
 manifest duty of sons, and especially of 
 daughters, to give it up. Very seldom does 
 that connexion prove otherwise than a source 
 of wretchedness, on which the frown of an 
 affectionate and wise father and mother fell 
 from the beginning; for God seems to rise 
 up in judgment, and to support the parents 
 authority, by confirming their displeasure 
 with his own. 
 Marriage should in every case be formed 
 
 UPON THE BASIS OF MUTUAL ATTACHMENT. 
 
 If there be no love before marriage, it cannot 
 be expected there should be any after it. 
 Lovers, as all are supposed to be who are 
 looking forward to this union, without love, 
 have no right to expect happiness ; the cold 
 ness of indifference is soon likely, in their 
 case, to be changed into aversion. There 
 ought to be personal attachment. If there 
 be anything, even in the exterior, that excites 
 disgust, the banns are forbidden by the voice 
 of nature. 
 
12 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 I do not say that beauty of countenance or 
 elegance of form is necessary ; by no means ; 
 a pure and strong attachment has often 
 existed in the absence of these. And I will 
 not take upon me to determine, that it is 
 absolutely impossible to love deformity ; but 
 we certainly ought not to unite ourselves 
 with it, unless we can love it, or, at least, 
 are so enamored with the fascination of 
 mental qualities that may be united with it, 
 as to lose sight of the body in the charms of 
 the mind, the heart, and the manners. All I 
 contend for is, that to proceed to marriage 
 against absolute dislike and revulsion, is 
 irrational, base, and sinful. 
 
 But love should respect the mind as well 
 as the body ; for to be attached to an individ 
 ual simply on the ground of beauty, is to fall 
 in love with a doll, a statue, or a picture. 
 Such an attachment is lust or fancy, but cer 
 tainly not a rational affection. If we love 
 the body, but do not love the mind, the heart, 
 and the manners, our regard is placed upon 
 the inferior part of the person, and, therefore, 
 only upon that Avhich, by disease, may be 
 next year a very different thing to what it is 
 now. Nothing fades so soon as beauty; it 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 13 
 
 is but like the delicate bloom of an attractive 
 fruit, and, if there be nothing agreeable 
 underneath, will be thrown away in disgust 
 when that is brushed off; and thrown away, 
 too, by the very hand of him that plucks it. 
 It is so commonly remarked, as to be 
 proverbial, that the charms of mind increase 
 by acquaintance, while those of the exterior 
 diminish ; and that, while the former easily 
 reconcile us to a plain countenance, the latter 
 excite, by the power of contrast, a distaste 
 for the insipidity, ignorance, and heartless- 
 ness with which they are united, like gaudy, 
 scentless flowers, growing in a desert. In 
 stead of determining to stake our happiness 
 upon the act of gathering these blooming 
 weeds, to place them in our bosom, let us 
 ask, how they will look a few years hence, 
 or how they will adorn and bless our habita 
 tion? Let us ask, will the understanding, 
 united with that countenance, render its 
 subject fit to be my companion, and the 
 instructor of my children ? Will that temper 
 patiently bear with my weaknesses, kindly 
 consult my tastes, affectionately study my 
 comfort ? Will those manners please me in 
 solitude, as well as in society ? Will those 
 
14 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 habits render my dwelling pleasant to myself 
 and to my friends? We must try these 
 matters, and hold our passions back, that 
 we may take counsel with our judgment, 
 and suffer reason to come down and talk 
 with us in the cool of the evening. 
 
 Such, then, is the love on which marriage 
 should be contracted; love to the whole 
 person ; love to the mind, and heart, and 
 manners, as well as to the countenance and 
 form ; love tempered with respect ; for this 
 only is the attachment that is likely to sur 
 vive the charms of novelty, the spoliation of 
 disease, and the influence of time ; that is 
 likely to support the tender sympathies and 
 exquisite sensibilities of the conjugal state ; 
 and render man and wife, to the verge of 
 extreme old age, what it was the intention 
 of him who instituted the marriage union 
 they should be, the help and the comfort 
 of each other. 
 
 Young people should be extremely careful, 
 to let no persuasions of others, no impulse of 
 their own covetousness, no anxiety to be 
 their own masters and mistresses, no ambi 
 tion for secular splendor, induce them to 
 enter into a connexion to which they are not 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 15 
 
 drawn by the solicitations of a pure and vir 
 tuous love. What will a large house, splen 
 did furniture, a gay equipage, and fasliioriable 
 entertainments do for their possessor, in the 
 absence of connubial love ? " Is it for these 
 baubles, these toys," exclaims the wretched 
 heart as it awakens, alas ! too late, in some 
 sad scene of domestic wo, " is it for this I 
 have bartered away myself, my happiness, 
 my honor 1 " 
 
 " How ill the scenes that offer rest, 
 And hearts that cannot rest, agree f " 
 
 O, there is a sweetness, a charm, a power 
 to please, in pure and mutual affection, 
 though it be cherished in the humblest 
 abode, and maintained amidst the plainest 
 circumstances, and has to contend with many 
 difficulties, compared with which, the ele 
 gances and brilliancies of worldly grandeur 
 are but as the splendor of an Eastern palace, 
 to one of the bowers of the garden of Eden. 
 Let the man nobly determine to earn his 
 daily bread by the sweat of his brow, and 
 find his daily task sweetened by the thought 
 that it is for the woman he loves, rather than 
 roll about in his chariot, and live a life of 
 
16 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 splendid indolence and misery, with the 
 woman he does ttot love ; and let the other 
 sex as nobly and heroically determine to 
 trust to their own energies, but especially to 
 a gracious Providence, rather than marry 
 without affection for the sake of a settle 
 ment. 
 
 Then there is another error committed by 
 some: having been disappointed in a con 
 nexion which they hoped to form, they 
 become reckless for the future, and, in a 
 temper of mind bordering upon revenge, 
 accept the first individual who may present 
 himself, whether they love him or not. This 
 is the last degree of folly, and is such an 
 act of suicidal violence upon their own 
 peace, as can neither be described nor repro 
 bated in terms sufficiently strong. This is 
 to act like the enraged scorpion, and to turn 
 their sting upon themselves ; and in an act 
 of spleen to sacrifice tfreir happiness to 
 folly. 
 
 Marriage should ever be contracted WITH ; 
 
 THE STRICTEST REGARD TO THE RULES OF 
 
 PRUDENCE. Discretion is a virtue at which 
 
 none but fools laugh. In reference to no 
 
 1 subject is it more frequently set aside and 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 17 
 
 despised, than in that which, of all that can 
 be mentioned, most needs its sober counsels. 
 For love to be seen standing at the oracle of 
 wisdom is thought, by some romantic and 
 silly young people, to be a thing altogether 
 out of place. If they only were concerned, 
 they might be left to their folly, to be 
 punished by its fruits ; but imprudent mar 
 riages, as we have already considered, spread 
 far and wide their bad consequences, and 
 also send these consequences down to pos 
 terity. 
 
 The understanding is given to us to control 
 the passions and the imagination ; and they, 
 who, in an affair of such consequence as 
 choosing a companion for life, set aside the 
 testimony of the former, and listen only to 
 the advice of the latter, have, in that in 
 stance, at least, forfeited the character of a 
 rational being, and sunk to the level of 
 those creatures who are wholly governed by 
 appetite, unchecked by reason. Prudence 
 would prevent, if it were allowed to guide 
 the conduct of mankind, a very large portion 
 of human misery. In the business before 
 us, it would allow none to marry till they 
 had a prospect of support. It is perfectly 
 
13 THE MARRIAGE KING. 
 
 obvious to me, that the present generation 
 of young people are not distinguished by a 
 discretion of this kind; they are too much 
 in haste to enter the conjugal state, and 
 place themselves at the heads of families, 
 before they hare any rational hope of being 
 able to support them. As soon almost as 
 they arrive at the age of manhood, whether 
 they are in business or not, before they 
 hare ascertained whether their business will 
 succeed or not, they look round for a wife, 
 and Bake a hasty, perhaps an injudicious 
 selection. Let young people exercise their 
 reason and their foresight; or, if they will 
 not, but are determined to rush into the 
 expenses of housekeeping, before they have 
 opened sources to meet them, let them hear, 
 in spite of the syren song of their imagina 
 tion, the voice of faithful warning, and pre 
 pare to eat the bitter herbs of useless regrets, 
 for many a long and weary jmr miter the 
 nuptial feast has passed away. 
 
 Prudence forbids all unequal marriages. 
 There should be am equality as near as may 
 be in AGE. How unnatural, how odious is 
 it to see a young man fastened to a piece oi 
 antiquity, so as to perplex strangers to 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 19 
 
 determine whether he is living with a wife 
 or a mother ! No one will give the woman 
 in the one case, or the man in the other, the 
 credit of marrying for love ; and the world 
 will be ill-natured enough, and one can 
 hardly help joining in the censoriousness, to 
 say that such matches are mere pecuniary 
 speculations ; for, generally speaking, the 
 old party in the union is a rich one ; and as 
 generally they carry a scourge for the other 
 in their purse. A fortune has often thus 
 been a misfortune for both. 
 
 Equality of RANK is desirable, or as near 
 to it as possible. It is much less perilous 
 for a rich man to descend into the vale of 
 poverty for a wife, than it is for a rich wo 
 man to go down for a husband. He can 
 much more easily raise his companion to his 
 own level, than she can. Society will much 
 more readily accommodate themselves to his 
 error, than to hers. Much of the happiness 
 of the conjugal state depends upon the rela 
 tives of the parties ; and if the marriage has 
 offended them, if it has degraded them, how 
 much of bitterness is it in their power to 
 throw into the cup of enjoyment ! Many a 
 wife has carried to her grave the sting in- 
 
20 THE MARRIAGE RTNG. 
 
 flicted upon her peace by the insults of her 
 husband s friends ; and in all such cases, he 
 must receive a part of the venom. 
 
 To my brethren in the ministry I do 
 recommend, and recommend with an earnest 
 ness which I have no language sufficiently 
 emphatic to express, the greatest caution in 
 this most delicate and important affair. In 
 their case, the effects of an imprudent mar 
 riage are felt in the church of the living God. 
 If the wives of the deacons are to be " grave , 
 not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things," 
 wiiat less can be required of the wives of the 
 pastors ? "A bishop must be blameless, one 
 that ruleth well his own house, having his 
 children in subjection with all gravity. For 
 if a man know not how to rule his o^n house, 
 how shall he take care of the churcJL >f God ? " 
 But how can he exhibit in his domestic con 
 stitution the beautiful order and harmony 
 which should prevail in every Christian 
 family, and especially in every minister s 
 house, without the intelligent and industrious 
 co-operation of his wife ? And how can this 
 be expected of one who has no intelligence 
 or industry ? Not only much of the comfort, 
 but of the character of a minister, DEPENDS 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 21 
 
 UPON HIS WIFE ; and what is of still greater 
 consequence, much of his usefulness. 
 
 Marriage should always be formed WITH 
 
 A DUE REGARD TO THE DICTATES OF RELI 
 GION. A pious person should not marry any 
 one who is not also pious. It is not desira 
 ble to be united to an individual even of a 
 different denomination, and who, as a point 
 of conscience, attends her own place of wor 
 ship. It is not pleasant on a Sabbath morn 
 ing to separate, and go one to one place of 
 worship, and the other to another. The 
 most delightful walk that a holy couple can 
 take, is to the house of God in company, and 
 when, in reference to the high themes of 
 redemption and the invisible realities of eter 
 nity, they take sweet counsel together. No 
 one would willingly lose this. But, oh, to 
 walk separately in a still more important and 
 dreadful sense! to part at the point where 
 the two roads to eternity branch off, the one 
 to heaven, the other to hell; and for the 
 believer "to travel on to glory, with the 
 awful consciousness, that the other party is 
 journeying to perdition!" This is indeed 
 dreadful, and is of itself sufficient to occasion 
 no small diminution of conjugal felicity. 
 
22 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 If, however, the comfort of the parties only 
 were concerned, it would be a matter of less 
 consequence ; but it is a matter of conscience, 
 and an affair in which we have no option. 
 " She is at liberty to marry whom she will," 
 says the apostle, speaking to the case of a 
 widow, "but only in the Lord." Now, 
 though this was said in reference to a female, 
 all the reasons of the law belong with equal 
 force to the other sex. This appears to me 
 to be not only advice, but law, and is as 
 binding upon the conscience as any other 
 law that we find in the word of God ; and the 
 incidental manner in which this injunction 
 occurs is, as has been very properly remarked, 
 to the intelligent reader of Scripture, the 
 strongest confirmation of the rule in all 
 cases where marriage is in prospect, and 
 where there has been no engagement pre 
 vious to conversion. 
 
 As to the other passage, where the apostle 
 commands us not to be unequally yoked 
 together with unbelievers, it does not apply 
 to marriage, except by inference, but to 
 church fellowship, or rather to association and 
 conduct in general, in reference to which, 
 professing Christians are not to symbolize 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 23 
 
 with unbelievers. But if this be improper 
 in regard to other matters, how much more 
 so in that connexion which has so powerful 
 an influence over our character, as well as 
 our happiness ! For a Christian, then, to 
 marry an individual who is not decidedly 
 and evidently a pious person, is a direct op 
 position to the word of God. 
 
 And as Scripture is against it, so also is 
 reason ; for " how can two walk together, 
 except they be agreed? 3 A difference of 
 taste in minor matters is an impediment in 
 the way of domestic comfort ; but to be op 
 posed to each other on the all-important sub 
 ject of religion, is a risk, even as it respects 
 our comfort, which no considerate person 
 should be induced, on any considerations, to 
 incur. How can the higher ends of the 
 domestic constitution be answered, where 
 one of the parents has not the spiritual qual 
 ifications necessary for accomplishing them ? 
 How can the work of religious education be 
 conducted, and the children be trained in the 
 nurture and admonition of the Lord ? 
 
 And as it respects individual and personal 
 assistance in religious matters, do we not 
 all want helps instead of hindrances? A 
 
24 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 Christian should make every thing 1 bend to 
 religion, but allow religion to bend to noth 
 ing. This is the one thing needful, to which 
 everything should be subordinate ; and, sure 
 ly, to place out of consideration the affairs of 
 his eternal salvation, in so important an 
 affair as marriage, shows either that the reli 
 gion of a person who acts thus is but pro 
 fession, or likely soon to become so. 
 
 No one should contemplate the prospect 
 of such a connexion as marriage without the 
 greatest and most serious deliberation, nor 
 without the most earnest prayer to God for 
 direction. Prayer, however, to be accepta 
 ble to the Almighty, should be sincere, and 
 should be presented with a real desire to 
 know and do his will. Many, I believe, act 
 towards the Deity as they do towards their 
 friends : they make up their minds, and then 
 ask to be directed. They have some doubts, 
 and very often strong ones, of the propriety 
 of the step they are about to take, which are 
 gradually dissipated by their supplications, 
 till they have prayed themselves into a 
 conviction that they are quite right in the 
 decision, which they have, in fact, already 
 made. 
 
THE 3IARRIAGE RING. 2o 
 
 To pray for direction in an affair which we 
 know to be in opposition to God s word, and 
 on which we have already resolved to act, is 
 adding hypocrisy to rebellion. If there be 
 reason to believe that the individual, who 
 solicits a Christian to unite herself with him 
 in marriage, is not truly pious, what need 
 has she of praying to be directed? This 
 seems like asking the Almighty to be per 
 mitted to do that which he has forbidden to 
 be done. 
 
 In the case of WIDOWS and WIDOWERS, 
 especially where there is a family, peculiar 
 prudence is necessary. I have known in 
 stances in which such persons have sacrificed 
 all their own tastes and predilections, and 
 have made their selection^ with exclusive ref 
 erence to their children. Such a sacrifice is 
 indeed generous ; but it may become a ques 
 tion whether it is discreet. It is placing 
 their own comfort, and even character, in 
 some degree of peril, neither of which can 
 be lost, without most serious mischief to 
 those very children, whose interests they 
 have so heroically consulted. This, however, 
 is an error much more rare and venial, than 
 that of the opposite extreme. How un- 
 
26 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 seemly and inconsiderate is it for a sexa 
 genarian to bring home a young wife, and 
 place her over daughters older than herself, 
 and introduce into the family circle aunts 
 and uncles younger than some of the nephews 
 and nieces ! Rare is the case, in which such 
 inexpedient connexions are formed, without 
 the authors of them losing much of their own 
 reputation, and destroying much of the com 
 fort of their families. Let not such men 
 wonder, if their daughters by the first mar 
 riage are driven from their home by the con 
 sequences of the second, and are led to form 
 imprudent matches, to which they were led 
 by the force of parental example, and urged 
 by the consequences of parental folly. 
 
 In the selection of a second companion for 
 life, where the first had been eminent for 
 talents or virtues, much care should be taken 
 that there be no great and striking inferiority ; 
 for, in such a case, 
 
 " busy, meddling 1 memory, 
 In barbarous succession, musters up 
 The past endearments of their softer hours;" 
 
 which form a contrast ever present and ever 
 painful. The man that never knew by ex- 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 27 
 
 perience the joy of a happy marriage, can 
 never know the ills of an imprudent one, as 
 aggravated by the power of comparison. Let 
 him that has thus known them beware how 
 he expose himself to such helpless, hopeless 
 misery. 
 
 Due care should also be exercised in ref 
 erence to children s interests. Has the wo 
 man about to be selected that principle, that 
 prudence, that self-control, that good temper, 
 which, if she become herself a mother, will 
 help her to conceal her partialities, (for to 
 suppress them is impossible, and would be 
 unnatural,) and to seem no less kind to her 
 adopted offspring than to her own? That 
 man acts a most cruel, a most wicked part 
 towards the memory of his first wife, who 
 does not provide for her children a kind and 
 judicious friend in his second. Let me be 
 come the advocate of fatherless or mother 
 less children, and entreat, for the sake both 
 of the living and the dead, a due regard to 
 the comfort of these orphans. 
 
 Nor should less deliberation be exercised 
 by the party who is about to take, or invited 
 to take, the care of another person s children. 
 Have they love enough for the parent to bear 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 the burden of care for his sake ? Have they 
 kindness enough, discretion enough, for such 
 a situation, and for such an office ? There 
 is no difficulty where the children are lovely 
 in person, and amiable in temper ; but when 
 they have no personal attractions, no charms 
 of mind, no endearments of character, then 
 is the time to realize the truth of the remark, 
 " a wife may be supplied, a mother cannot." 
 The man or the woman, that can act a 
 parent s part towards a froward and unlovely 
 child, must have more than nature, (for this 
 belongs only to a real parent,) they must have 
 principle and kindness, and need have grace. 
 Let all who are invited to take the superin 
 tendence of a family, ask themselves, if they 
 possess the requisites for the comfortable 
 and satisfactory discharge of its duties. Let 
 them inquire whether it is likely they can be 
 happy in such a situation themselves ; for if 
 not, they had far better never enter it, as 
 their unhappiness must inevitably fill the 
 whole family circle with misery. 
 
 It cannot be sufficiently deplored, that all 
 suitable preparation for the marriage state is 
 usually put aside for the busy activities of 
 vanity, which, in fact, are but as dust in the 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 29 
 
 balance of conjugal destiny. Every thought, 
 and anticipation, and anxiety, is too often 
 absorbed in the selection of a house and fur 
 niture, and in matters still more insignificant j 
 and frivolous. How common is it for a I 
 female to spend those hours, day after day, 
 and week after week, in communion with her 
 milliner, debating and discussing the subject 
 of the color, and form, and material, in which 
 she is to shine forth in nuptial splendor, 
 which ought to be employed in meditating 
 the eventful step, which is to fix for life her 
 destiny, and that of her intended husband ; as 
 if the great object were to appear a gay and 
 fashionable bride, rather than to be a good 
 and happy wife ! But ; 
 
 "Joy, serious and sublime, 
 Such as doth nerve the energies of prayer, 
 Should swell the bosom, when a maiden s hand, 
 Filled with life s dewy flowerets, girdeth on 
 That harness, which the ministry of Death 
 Alone unlooseth, but whose fearful power 
 May stamp the sentence of Eternity." 
 
 " Study," said an old author, " the duties 
 of marriage before you enter into it. There 
 are crosses to be borne, there are snares to 
 be avoided, and manifold obligations to be 
 discharged, as well as great felicity to be 
 
30 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 enjoyed. And should no provision be made ? 
 For want of this, result the frequent disap 
 pointments of that honorable estate. Hence 
 that repentance which is at once too soon, 
 and too late. The husband knows not how to 
 rule ; and the wife knows not how to obey." 
 
 " Women are not for rule designed, 
 Nor yet for blind submission. Happy they 
 Who, while they feel it pleasure to obey, 
 Have yet a kind companion at their side, 
 Who in the journey will his power divide, 
 Or yield the reins, and bid the lady guide J 
 Then points the wonders of the way, and makes 
 The duty pleasant that she undertakes ; 
 He shows the objects as they pass along, 
 And gently rules the movements that are wrong; 
 He tells her all the skilful driver s art, 
 And smiles to see how well she acts her part J 
 Nor praise denies to courage or to skill, 
 In using- power, that lie resumes at will." 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 31 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 
 " Home 
 
 There s magic in that littl 
 It is a mystic circle which 
 Comforts and virtues, neve 
 Beyond the hallowed lin 
 
 word ; 
 irrounds 
 
 known 
 
 A FAMILY ! How delightful the associa 
 tions we form with such a word ! How 
 pleasing the images with which it crowds 
 the mind, and how tender the emotions which 
 it awakens in the heart ! Who can wonder 
 that domestic happiness should be a theme 
 dear to poetry, and that it should have called 
 forth some of the sweetest strains of fancy 
 and of feeling? Or who can be surprised, 
 that of all the objects which present them 
 selves in the vista of futurity to the eye of 
 those who are setting out on the journey of 
 life, this should excite the most ardent de 
 sires, and engage the most active pursuits ? 
 But, alas, of those who, in the ardor of youth, 
 start for the possession of this dear prize, 
 
32 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 how many fail! And why? Because their 
 imagination alone is engaged on the subject : 
 they have no definite ideas of what it means, 
 nor of the way in which it is to be obtained. 
 It is a mere lovely creation of a romantic 
 mind, and oftentimes, with such persons, 
 fades away, 
 
 " And, like the baseless fabric of a vision, 
 Leaves not a wreck behind." 
 
 It may be of service, therefore, to lay open 
 the sources of domestic happiness, and to 
 show that these are to be found, not in the 
 flowery regions of imagination, but in the 
 sober realities of piety, chaste love, prudence, 
 and well formed connexions. These precious 
 springs are within the reach of all who will 
 take the right path that leads to them ; and 
 this is the way of knowledge. We must 
 make ourselves acquainted with the nature, 
 designs, and importance of the family com 
 pact.; we must analyze this union to ascer 
 tain its elements, its laws, and its purposes. 
 Who can be a good member of any state, 
 without knowing the nature of its constitu 
 tion, and the laws by which it is directed? 
 And it is equally vain to look for domestic 
 happiness, without a clear insight into the 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 33 
 
 ends and laws which Providence has laid 
 down in the formation of the household. 
 
 In the discussions which have been ugi- 
 tated, to settle the question, as to the form 
 of civil government best adapted to secure 
 the welfare of the human race, the FAMILY 
 CONSTITUTION has been too much over 
 looked. Speculation has been indulged, and 
 theories proposed by their respective authors, 
 in reference to the greater aggregations of 
 society, with all the confidence of oracular 
 authority; while, at the same time, it is 
 evident they have forgotten, how much the 
 well-being of states is dependent on the well- 
 being of the families of which all states are 
 composed. 
 
 If there be any truth in the figure, by 
 which a nation is compared to a pillar, we 
 should recollect that, while individuals are 
 the materials of which it is formed, it is the 
 good condition of families that constitutes 
 the cement, which holds it together, and 
 gives to its fine form solidity and durability. 
 Let this be wanting, and however inherently 
 excellent the materials, however elegant the 
 shape, however ornamental the base, the 
 shaft, or the capital may be, it contains in 
 
34 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 itself a principle of decay, an active cause of 
 dilapidation and ruin. 
 
 The domestic constitution is a divine 
 institute. God formed it himself. " He 
 taketh the solitary, and setteth him in fami 
 lies ;" and, like all the rest of his works, it 
 is well and wisely done. It is, as a system 
 of government, quite unique ; neither below 
 the heavens nor above them is there anything 
 precisely like it. In some respects, it re 
 sembles the civil government of a state ; in 
 others, the ecclesiastical rule of a church ; 
 and it is there the church and the state may 
 be said to meet. This meeting, however, is 
 only on a very small scale, and under very 
 peculiar circumstances. When directed as 
 it should be, every family has a sacred char 
 acter, inasmuch as the head of it acts the 
 part oi both the prophet and priest of the 
 household, by instructing them in the know 
 ledge, and leading them in the worship of 
 God ; while, at the same time, he discharges 
 the duties of a king by supporting a system 
 of order, subordination, and discipline. 
 
 Conformably with its nature is its design. 
 Beyond the benefit of the individuals which 
 compose it, and which is its first and imme- 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 35 
 
 diate object, it is intended to promote the 
 welfare of the national community to which 
 it belongs, and of which it is a part. Hence 
 every nation has stamped a great value on 
 the family compact, and guarded it with the 
 most powerful sanctions. Well-instructed, 
 well-ordered, and well-governed families are 
 the springs, which, from their retirements, 
 send forth the tributary streams that make 
 up, by their confluence, the majestic flow of 
 national greatness and prosperity ; nor can 
 any state be prosperous, where family order 
 and subordination are generally neglected ; 
 nor otherwise than prosperous, whatever be 
 its political forms, where these are generally 
 maintained. 
 
 It is certainly under the wise instruction 
 and the impartial sceptre of a father, and 
 within the little family circle, that the son 
 becomes a good citizen ; it is by the fireside, 
 and upon the family hearth, that loyalty and 
 patriotism, and every public virtue, grows ; 
 as it is in disordered families that factious 
 demagogues, and turbulent rebels, and tyran 
 nical oppressors, are trained up, to be their 
 neighbors torment, or their country s scourge. 
 It is there that the thorn and the brier, to 
 
36 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 use the elegant simile of the prophet, or the 
 myrtle and the fir-tree, are reared, which are 
 in future time to be the ornament and de 
 fence, or the deformity and misery, of the 
 land. 
 
 But has the domestic constitution a refer 
 ence only to the present world and its per 
 ishable interests ? By no means. All God s 
 arrangements for man view him, and are 
 chiefly intended for him, in his relation to 
 eternity. The eye of Deity is upon that 
 immortality to which he has destined the 
 human race. Every family has, in fact, a 
 sacred character belonging to it, which may 
 indeed be forgotten or disdained ; but the 
 family is constituted, and ought, therefore, 
 to be conducted, with the prospect of the 
 rising generation following that which pre 
 cedes it, not only to the grave, but to eter 
 nity. 
 
 Every member of every household is an 
 immortal creature ; every one, that leaves 
 the circle by death, goes into an eternity of 
 torment or of bliss. Now, since all the 
 institutes of God look to another world as 
 their chief and ultimate reference, surely, 
 that institute which is the most powerful of 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 37 
 
 all, in the formation of character, must 
 be considered as set up with a special in 
 tention to prepare the subjects of it for 
 " glory, honor, immortality, and eternal 
 life." 
 
 Where religion is wanting as the basis of 
 the marriage union, the happy fruits of it 
 cannot be expected. How many interesting 
 households are to be found, where all the 
 mere social virtues are cultivated with as 
 siduity, where the domestic charities all 
 nourish, and public excellence is cherished ; 
 but which, on account of the want of vital 
 godliness, are still losing the highest end of 
 their union, and carrying on no preparatory 
 course of education for the skies, and are 
 destined to be swept away with the wreck 
 of the nations that knew not God, and with 
 the wicked who shall be turned into hell. 
 Alas, alas! that from such sweet scenes, 
 such lovely retreats of connubial love and 
 domestic peace, to which learning, science, 
 wealth, elegance, have been admitted, reli 
 gion should be excluded ; and that while 
 many wise and interesting guests are contin 
 ually welcomed to the house, He only should 
 be refused, who blessed the little family of 
 
33 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 Bethany; and who, wherever he goes, car 
 ries salvation m his train, and gives immor 
 tality to the joys which would otherwise 
 perish forever. 
 
 Precious, indeed, are the joys of a happy 
 family ; but, oh, how fleet ! How soon must 
 the circle be broken up, how suddenly may 
 it be ! What scenes of delight, resembling 
 gay visions of fairy bliss, have all been 
 unexpectedly wrapt in shadow and gloom, 
 by misfortune, by sickness, by death! The 
 last enemy has entered the paradise, and, by 
 expelling one of its tenants, has imbittered 
 the scene to the rest. The ravages of death 
 have been in some cases followed by the 
 desolations of poverty ; and they, who once 
 dwelt together in the happy enclosure, have 
 been separated and scattered to meet no 
 more. But religion, true religion, if it be 
 possessed, will gather them together again, 
 after this destruction of their earthly ties, 
 and conduct them to another paradise, into 
 which no calamity shall enter, and from 
 which no joy shall ever depart. 
 
 Happy then would it be, for all who stand 
 related by these household ties, if the bonds 
 of nature were hallowed and rendered per- 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 39 
 
 manent by those of divine gracel To found 
 our union on any basis which does not con 
 tain religion in its formation, is to erect it on 
 a quicksand, and to expose it to the fury of a 
 thousand billows, each of which may over 
 turn the fabric of our comfort in a moment : 
 but to rest it upon religion, is to found it 
 upon a rock, where we shall individually . 
 still find a refuge, when the nearest and the 
 dearest relations are swept away by the tide 
 of dissolution. 
 
 It is a pleasing reflection, that the domestic 
 constitution depends not for its existence, 
 its laws, its right administration, or its rich 
 advantages, either upon family possessions, 
 or the forms of national policy. It may live 
 and flourish in all its tender charities, and 
 all its sweet felicities, and all its moral 
 power, in the cottage as well as in the man 
 sion ; under the shadow of liberty, and even 
 under the scorching heat of tyranny. Like 
 the church, of which it is in some respects 
 the emblem, it accommodates itself to every 
 changing form of surrounding society, to 
 every nation and to every age. Forming 
 with the church the only two institutions 
 ever set up by God, as to their framework, 
 
40 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 like its kindred institute, it remains amidst 
 the ruins of the fall, the lapse of ages, and 
 the changes of human affairs, the monument 
 of what has been, the standing prediction of 
 what will be. 
 
 Domestic happiness, in many respects, 
 resembles the manna which was granted to 
 the Israelites in the wilderness ; like that 
 precious food, it is the gift of God which 
 cometh down from heaven ; it is not to be 
 purchased with money ; it is dispensed alike 
 to the rich and to the poor, and accom 
 modates itself to every taste ; it is given 
 with an abundance that meets the wants of 
 all who desire it; to be obtained, it must 
 be religiously sought in God s own way 
 of bestowing it ; and is granted to man 
 as a refreshment during his pilgrimage 
 through this wilderness to the celestial Ca 
 naan. 
 
 "By thee 
 
 Founded in reason, loyal, just, and pure, 
 Relations dear, and all the charities 
 Of father, son, and brother first were known. 
 Far be it, that I should write thee in or blame, 
 Or think thee unbefitting holiest place, 
 Perpetual fountain of domestic sweets! " 
 
 Milton. 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 CHAPTER HI. 
 
 MUTUAL DUTIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE. 
 
 * See that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently." 
 
 St. Peter. 
 
 MARRIAGE is THE FOUNDATION OF THE 
 DOMESTIC CONSTITUTION; this, says the 
 apostle, "is honorable in all;" and he has 
 condemned, as " a doctrine of devils," the 
 opinions of those by whom it is forbidden. 
 It is an institute of God, was established in 
 Eden, was honored by the personal attend 
 ance of Christ, and furnished an occasion for 
 the first of that splendid series of miracles, 
 by which he proved himself to be the Son of 
 God, and the Saviour of the world. But 
 there is another mark of distinction put upon 
 it by the Holy Ghost, where it is said, " This 
 is a great mystery, but I speak concerning 
 Christ and the church." Ephes. v. 32. 
 
 Many consider the term mystery as having 
 no allusion to the nuptial tie, but as apply 
 ing exclusively to the union of Christ and the 
 
42 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 church. If this be the case, it seems diffi 
 cult to account for the introduction of this 
 union at all, or to explain what bearing it 
 has upon the subject in hand. Besides, the 
 two-fold reference to the mediatorial under 
 taking of Christ, which is made by the apos 
 tle, when he enforces the duties of husband 
 and wife, seems to confirm the opinion, that 
 he represents the conjugal union as a type 
 or symbol of the close and endearing relation 
 in which the church stands to its divine 
 Redeemer. Nothing can throw a higher 
 sanctity over this connexion, nor invest it 
 with greater honor, than such a view of it. 
 
 Distinguishing, as it does, man from 
 brutes ; providing, not only for the continu 
 ance, but for the comfort of our species ; con 
 taining, at once, the source of human happi 
 ness, and of all those virtuous emotions and 
 generous sensibilities, which refine and adorn 
 the character of man, it can never, as a gen 
 eral subject, be guarded with too much soli 
 citous vigilance, nor be contracted, in partic 
 ular instances, with too much prudence and 
 care. 
 
 In proportion to the importance of the 
 connexion itself, must be a right view and a 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 43 
 
 due performance of the obligations arising 
 out of it. 
 
 The first, and the ground of all the rest, is 
 LOVE. Let this be wanting, and marriage 
 is degraded at once into a brutal or a sordid 
 compact. 
 
 " Love is a plant of holier birth 
 Than any that takes root on earth J 
 A flower from heaven, which t is a crime 
 To number with the things of time." 
 
 This duty, which, though for reasons we 
 shall consider in due place, is especially 
 enjoined on the husband, belongs equally to 
 the wife. It must be mutual, or there can 
 be no happiness; none for the party which 
 does not love ; for how dreadful the idea of 
 being chained for life to an individual for 
 whom we have no affection; to be almost 
 ever in the company of a person from whom 
 we are driven back by revulsion, yet driven 
 back upon a bond which prevents all separa 
 tion and escape. Nor can there be any hap 
 piness for the party that does love ; such an 
 unrequited affection must soon expire, or 
 live only to consume that wretched heart in 
 which it burns. 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 A married couple without mutual regard is 
 one of the most pitiable spectacles on earth. 
 They cannot, and, indeed, in ordinary cir 
 cumstances, ought not to separate, and yet 
 they remain united only to be a torment to 
 each other. They serve one important pur 
 pose, however, in the history of mankind, 
 and that is, to be a beacon to all who are yet 
 disengaged, to warn them against the sin 
 and folly of forming this union, upon any 
 other basis than that of a pure and mutual 
 attachment; and to admonish all that are 
 united, to watch with most assiduous vigi 
 lance their mutual regard, that nothing be 
 allowed to damp the sacred flame. 
 
 As the union should be formed on the basis 
 of love, so should great care be taken, espe 
 cially in the early stages of it, that nothing 
 might arise to unsettle or loosen our attach 
 ments. Whatever knowledge we may obtain 
 of each other s tastes and habits before mar 
 riage, it is neither so accurate, so comprehen 
 sive, nor so impressive, as that which we 
 acquire by living together ; and it is of pro 
 digious consequence, that when little defects 
 are first noticed, and trivial faults and oppo 
 sitions first occur, they should not be allowed 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 45 
 
 to produce an unfavorable impression upon 
 the mind. 
 
 Man and wife are equally concerned to 
 avoid all offences of each other in the begin 
 ning of their conversation. Every little thing 
 can blast an infant blossom ; and the breath 
 of the south can shake the little rings of the 
 vine, when first they begin to curl like the 
 locks of a new- weaned boy; but when by 
 age and consolidation they stiffen into the 
 hardness of a stem, and have, by the warm 
 rays of the sun, and the kisses of heaven, 
 brought forth their clusters, they can endure 
 the storms of the north, and the loud noises 
 of a tempest, and yet never be broken. So 
 are the early unions of an unfixed marriage ; 
 watchful and observant, jealous and busy, 
 inquisitive and careful, and apt to take alarm 
 at every unkind word. 
 
 For infirmities do not manifest themselves 
 in the first scenes, but in the succession of a 
 long society ; and it is not chance or weak 
 ness when it appears at first, but it is want 
 of love or prudence, or it will be so ex 
 pounded ; and that which appears ill at first 
 usually affrights the inexperienced man or 
 woman, who makes unequal conjectures, and 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 fancies mighty sorrows, by the proportions 
 of the new and early unkindness. 
 
 It is a very great passion, or a huge folly, 
 or a certain want of love, that cannot pre 
 serve the colors and beauties of kindness, so 
 long as public honesty requires a man to 
 wear their sorrows for the death of a friend. 
 Plutarch compares a new marriage to a ves 
 sel before the hoops are on ; everything dis 
 solves its tender com paginations ; but when 
 the joints are stiffened, and are tied by a 
 firm compliance and proportioned bending, 
 scarcely can it be dissolved without fire, or 
 the violence of iron. After the hearts of the 
 man and the wife are endeared and hardened 
 by a mutual confidence, and experience, longer 
 than artifice and pretence can last, there are a 
 great many remembrances, and some things 
 present, that dash all little unkindnesses in 
 pieces. 
 
 Let man and wife be careful to stifle little 
 things, that, as fast as they spring, they be 
 cut down and trod upon ; for if they be suf 
 fered to grow by numbers, they make the 
 spirit peevish, and the society troublesome, 
 and the affections loose and uneasy by an 
 habitual aversion. 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 47 
 
 Some men are more vexed with a fly than 
 with a wound ; and when the gnats disturb 
 our sleep, and the reason is disquieted, but 
 not perfectly awakened, it is often seen that 
 he is fuller of trouble than if, in the daylight 
 of his reason, he were to contest with a po 
 tent enemy. In the frequent little accidents 
 of a family, a man s reason cannot always be 
 awake ; and when his discourses are imper 
 fect, and a trifling trouble makes him yet 
 more restless, he is soon betrayed to the 
 violence of passion. It is certain that the 
 man or woman are in a state of weakness 
 and folly then, when they can be troubled 
 with a trifling accident; and therefore it is 
 not good to tempt their affections, when they 
 are in that state of clanger. 
 
 In this case the caution is, to subtract fuel 
 from the sudden flame ; for stubble, though 
 it be quickly kindled, yet it is as soon ex 
 tinguished, if it be not blown by a pertina 
 cious breath, or fed with new materials. 
 Add no new provocations to the accident, 
 and do not inflame this, and peace will soon 
 return, and the discontent will pass away 
 soon, as the sparks from the collision of a 
 flint; ever remembering, that discontents, 
 
48 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 proceeding from daily little things, do breed 
 a secret undiscernible disease, which is more 
 dangerous than a fever proceeding from a 
 discerned notorious surfeit. 
 
 If they would preserve love, let them be 
 sure to study most accurately each other s 
 tastes and distastes, and most anxiously 
 abstain from whatever, even in the minutest 
 things, they know to be contrary to them. 
 The ancients, in their conjugal allegories, 
 used to represent Mercury standing by Venus, 
 to signify that by fair language, and sweet 
 entreaties, the minds of each other should be 
 united. 
 
 If they would preserve love, let them most 
 carefully avoid all curious and frequently 
 repeated distinctions of MINE and THINE ; 
 for this hath caused all the laws, and all the 
 suits, and all the wars in the world ; let 
 them, who have but one person, have also 
 but one interest. Instances may occur in 
 which there may and must be a separate 
 investiture of property, and a sovereign inde 
 pendent right of disposal in the woman. In 
 this case, the most anxious care should be 
 taken by the husband not to attempt to 
 invade that right, and by the wife, neither 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 49 
 
 ostentatiously to speak of it, nor rigidly to 
 claim it, nor selfishly to exercise it. 
 
 In ordinary cases, " they should be heirs 
 to each other, if they die childless ; and if 
 there be children, the wife should be with 
 them a partner in the inheritance. But dur 
 ing their life, the use and employment is 
 common to both their necessities, and in this 
 there is no other difference of right, but that 
 the man hath the dispensation of all, and 
 may keep it from his wife, just as the gov 
 ernor of a town may keep it from the right 
 owner ; he hath the power , but not the right 
 to do so." 
 
 MUTUAL RESPECT is a duty of married 
 life ; for though, as we shall afterwards con 
 sider, especial reverence is due from the 
 wife, yet is respect due from the husband 
 also. As it is difficult to respect those who 
 are not entitled to it on any other ground 
 than superior rank or common relationship, 
 it is of immense consequence that we should 
 present to each other that conduct which 
 deserves respect and commands it. 
 
 Moral esteem is one of the firmest sup 
 ports and strongest guards of love; and a 
 high degree of excellence cannot fail to pro- 
 
50 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 duce such esteem. We are more accurately 
 known to each other in this connexion, than 
 either to the world, or even to our own ser 
 vants and children. The privacies of such 
 a relationship lay open our motives, and all 
 the interior of our character ; so that we are 
 better known to each other than we are to 
 ourselves. If, therefore, we would be re 
 spected, we should be respectable. 
 
 Charity covers a multitude of faults, it is 
 true ; but we must not presume too far upon 
 the credulity and blindness of affection ; 
 there is a point beyond which even love can 
 not be blind to the crimson coloring of a 
 guilty action. Every piece of real sinful 
 conduct, the impropriety of which cannot be 
 mistaken, tends to sink us in each other s 
 esteem, and thus to remove the safeguards 
 of affection. Perhaps this has not been 
 sufficiently thought of in wedded life, the 
 parties of which have been sometimes anx 
 ious merely to cover their delinquencies from 
 the world, forgetful that it is a dreadful 
 thing to lose their mutual respect. It is de 
 lightfully striking to observe how some pairs 
 of eminent moral worth, regard each other ; 
 what reverence is blended with their love, 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 51 
 
 and how like to angel forms of heavenly 
 excellence they appear to one another. 
 
 In all the conduct of the conjugal state, 
 then, there should be the most marked and 
 unvarying mutual respect, even in little 
 things : there must be no searching after 
 faults, nor examining, with microscopic scru 
 tiny, such as cannot be concealed; no re 
 proachful epithets ; no rude contempt ; no 
 incivility ; no cold neglect : there should be 
 courtesy without ceremony ; politeness with 
 out formality ; attention without slavery : it 
 should, in short, be the tenderness of love, 
 supported by esteem, and guided by polite 
 ness. 
 
 And, then, we must maintain our mutual 
 respectability before others : strangers, 
 friends, servants, children, must all be taught 
 to respect us, from what they see in our own 
 behavior. It is in the highest degree im 
 proper for either party to do an action, to say 
 a word, or assume a look, that shall have 
 the remotest tendency to lower the other in 
 public esteem. 
 
 MUTUAL ATTACHMENT TO EACH OTHER S 
 SOCIETY is a common duty of husband and 
 wife. 
 
52 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 We are united to be companions ; to live 
 together, to walk together, to talk together. 
 The husband is commanded " to dwell with 
 the wife according to knowledge." This, 
 says Mr. Jay, intends nothing less than 
 residence, opposed to absence and roving. 
 It is absurd, for those who have no prospect 
 of dwelling together, to enter this state ; 
 and those who are already in it, should not 
 be unnecessarily abroad. Circumstances of 
 various kinds will doubtless render occa 
 sional excursions unavoidable ; but let a man 
 return as soon as the design of his absence 
 is accomplished ; and let him always travel 
 with the words of Solomon in his mind, 
 " As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so 
 is a man that wandereth from his place." 
 Can a man, while from home, discharge the 
 duties he owes to his household ? Can he 
 discipline his children? Can he maintain 
 the worship of God in his family ? 
 
 I know it is the duty of the wife to lead the 
 devotion in the absence of the husband ; and 
 she should take it up as a cross, if not, for 
 the time, as a privilege. Few, however, are 
 thus disposed, and hence one of the sanctu 
 aries of God, for weeks and months together, 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 53 
 
 is shut up. 1 am sorry to say that there 
 are some husbands who seem fonder of any 
 society than the company of their wives. 
 It appears in the disposal of their leisure 
 hours. How few of these are appropriated 
 to the wife! The evenings are the most 
 domestic periods of the day. To these the 
 wife is peculiarly entitled; she is now most 
 free from her numerous cares, and most at 
 liberty to enjoy reading and conversation. 
 It is a sad reflection upon a man, when he 
 is fond of spending his evenings abroad. It 
 implies something bad, and it predicts some 
 thing worse. 
 
 And to ensure, as far as possible, the 
 society of her husband at his own fire-side, 
 let the wife be " a keeper at home," and do 
 all in her power to render that fire-side as 
 attractive as good temper, neatness, and 
 cheerful, affectionate conversation can make 
 it ; let her strive to make his own home the 
 soft green on which his heart loves to repose 
 in the sunshine of domestic enjoyment. 
 
 We can easily imagine that even in Para 
 dise, when man had no apparition of guilt, 
 no visions of crime, no spectral voice from a 
 troubled conscience, to make him dread soli- 
 
54 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 tude and flee from it, that even then, Adam 
 liked not, on his return from the labor of 
 dressing 1 the garden, to find Eve absent frt m 
 their bower, but wanted the smile of her 
 countenance to light up his own, and the 
 music of her voice to be the melody of his 
 soul. Think, then, how much more in his 
 fallen estate, with guilt upon his conscience, 
 and care pressing upon his heart, does man 
 now, on coming from the scenes of his 
 anxious toil, need the aid of woman s com 
 panionship, to drive away the swarm of buz 
 zing cares that light upon the heart to sting 
 it ; to smooth the brow ruffled with sadness ; 
 to tranquillize the bosom agitated with pas 
 sion ; and at once to reprove and comfort the 
 mind that has in some measure yielded to 
 temptation. 
 
 O woman! thou knowest the hour when 
 the " good man of the house " will return at 
 midday, when the sun is yet bowing down 
 the laborer with the fierceness of his beams, 
 or at evening, when the heat and burden of 
 the day are past : do not let him, at such a 
 time, when he is weary with exertion, and 
 faint with discouragement, find, upon his com 
 ing to his habitation, that the foot, which 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING 55 
 
 should hasten to meet him, is wandering at a 
 distance ; that the soft hand, which should 
 wipe away the sweat from his brow, is knock 
 ing" at the door of other houses ; nor let him 
 find a wilderness, where he should enter a 
 garden ; confusion, where he ought to see or 
 der ; or that which disgusts, where he might 
 hope to behold neatness that delights and 
 attracts. If this be the case, who can won 
 der, that, in the anguish of disappointment, 
 and in the bitterness of a neglected and heart- 
 stricken husband, he turns away from his own 
 door, for that comfort which he wished to en 
 joy at home, and that society which he hoped 
 to find in his wife, and puts up with the sub 
 stitutes for both, which he finds in the houses 
 of others ? 
 
 United to be associates, let man and wife 
 be as much in each other s society as possi 
 ble. I thank God, I am a stranger to that 
 taste, which leads a man to flee from his 
 own comfortable parlor, and the society of 
 his wife, from the instruction and recreation 
 contained in a well-stored library, or from 
 the evening rural walk, when the business 
 of the day is over, to scenes of public amuse 
 ment lor enjoyment. To my judgment, the 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 pleasures of home, and of home society, 
 when they are all that could be desired, are 
 such as never cloy, and need no change, but 
 from one kindred scene to another. I am 
 sighing and longing, perhaps in vain, for a 
 period when society shall be so elevated, and 
 so purified ; when the love of knowledge will 
 be so intense, and the habits of life will 
 be so simple; when religion and morality 
 will be so generally diffused, that men s 
 homes will be the seat and circle of their 
 pleasures ; when, in the society of an affec 
 tionate and intelligent wife, and of well- 
 educated children, each will find his greatest 
 earthly delight ; and when it will be felt to 
 be no more necessary to happiness to quit 
 their own fire-side for the ball-room, the 
 concert, or the theatre, than it is to go from 
 the well-spread table to the public feast, to 
 satisfy the cravings of a healthy appetite. 
 Then will it be no longer imposed upon us 
 to prove, that public amusements are im 
 proper, for they will be found to be unneces 
 sary. 
 
 But the pleasures of home must not be 
 allowed to interfere with the calls and claims 
 of public duty. Wives must not ask, and 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 57 
 
 husbands must not give, that time which is 
 demanded for the cause of God and man. 
 This is an age of active charity, and the 
 great public institutions, which are set up, 
 cannot be kept in operation without great 
 sacrifices of time and leisure by very many 
 persons. Those who, by their wisdom, tal 
 ents, rank, or property, receive the confidence 
 of the public, must stand prepared to fill up 
 and conduct the executive departments of 
 our societies ; nor should they allow the soft 
 allurements of their own houses to draw 
 them away from what is obviously the post 
 of duty. 
 
 We have known some, who, till they 
 entered into wedded life, were the props and 
 pillars of our institutions, yield so far to the 
 solicitations of their new and dearest earthly 
 friend, as to vacate their seat at the board of 
 management forever after. It is, I admit, 
 a costly way of contributing to the cause of 
 religion and humanity, to give those evening 
 hours which could be spent so pleasantly in 
 a country walk, or in the joint perusal of 
 some interesting volume ; but who can do 
 good, or ought to wish to do it, without 
 sacrifices ? I know an eminently holy and 
 
58 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 useful minister, who told the lady to whom 
 he was about to he united, that one of the 
 conditions of their marriage was, that she 
 should never ask him for that time, which, 
 on any occasion, he felt it to be his duty to 
 give to God. And surely, any woman might 
 feel herself more blessed in having some 
 times to endure the loss of a husband s 
 society, whose presence and talents are cov 
 eted by all public institutions, than in being 
 left to the unmolested enjoyment of the 
 company of one whose assistance is coveted 
 by none. 
 
 MUTUAL FORBEARANCE is another duty. . 
 
 This we owe to all, not excepting the 
 stranger, or an enemy ; and, most certainly, 
 it must not be denied to our nearest friend. 
 For the charity that " suffereth long-, and is 
 kind; that enviet/i not , vauntcth 7iot itself; 
 is not puffed up; that doth not behave itself 
 unseemly ; seekelh not her own ; is not easily 
 provoked ; thinketh no evil ; rejoiccth not in 
 iniquity, but rejoiccth in the truth; that cov 
 er -eth all things ; belicveth all things ; hopeth 
 all things; endureth all things;" for this 
 charity there is both need and room in every 
 relation of life. Wherever sin or imperfec- 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 tion exists, there is scope for the forbearance 
 of love. There is no perfection upon earth. 
 Lovers, it is true, often fancy they have 
 found it ; but the more sober judgment of 
 husbands and wives generally corrects the 
 mistake ; and first impressions of this kind 
 usually pass away with first love. 
 
 We should all enter the marriage state, 
 remembering that we are about to be united 
 to a fallen creature : and as, in every case, it 
 is not two angels that have met together, 
 but two sinful children of Adam, from whom 
 must be looked for much weakness and way 
 wardness ; we must make up our minds to 
 some imperfection; and, remembering that 
 we have no small share of our own that calls 
 for the forbearance of the other party, should 
 exercise the patience that we ask. Where 
 both have infirmities, and they are so con 
 stantly together, innumerable occasions will 
 be furnished, if we are eager, or even willing, 
 to avail ourselves of the opportunities for 
 those contentions, which, if they do not pro 
 duce a permanent suppression of love, lead 
 to its temporary interruption. Many things 
 we should connive at ; others we should pass 
 by -with an unprovoked mind ; and, in all 
 
60 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 things, most carefully avoid even what at 
 first may seem to be an innocent disputa 
 tion. 
 
 Affection does not forbid, but actually de 
 mands, that we should mutually point out 
 our faults; but this should be done in all 
 the meekness of wisdom, united with all the 
 tenderness of love, lest we only increase the 
 evil we intend to remove, or substitute a 
 greater one in its place. Justice, as well as 
 wisdom, requires that, in every case, we set 
 the good qualities against the bad ones; 
 and, in most cases, we shall find some re 
 deeming excellences, which, if they do not 
 reconcile us to the failings we deplore, should 
 at least teach us to bear them with patience ; 
 and the more we contemplate these better 
 aspects of the character, the brighter will 
 they appear : for it is an indubitable fact, 
 that, while faults diminish, virtues magnify 
 in proportion as they are steadily contem 
 plated. 
 
 As to bitterness of language, and violence 
 of conduct, this is so utterly disgraceful, that 
 it scarcely needs be introduced, even by way 
 of cautioning against it. The ancients, we 
 are informed, took the gall from their nuptial 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 61 
 
 sacrifices, and cast it behind the altar, to 
 intimate the removal of all bitterness from 
 the marriage state. 
 
 MUTUAL ASSISTANCE is the duty of hus 
 bands and wives. This applies to the cares 
 of life. Women are not usually very con 
 versant with matters of trade, but, still, 
 their counsel may be sought, in a thou 
 sand cases, with propriety and advantage. 
 The husband should never undertake any 
 thing of importance, without communicating 
 the matter to his wife; who, on her part, 
 instead of shrinking from the responsibility 
 of a counsellor, and leaving him to struggle 
 alone with his difficulties and perplexities, 
 should invite him to communicate freely all 
 his anxieties ; for, if she cannot counsel, she 
 can comfort ; if she cannot relieve his cares, 
 she can help to bear them; if she cannot 
 direct the course of his trade, she may the 
 current of his feelings ; if she cannot open 
 any source of earthly wisdom, she can 
 spread the matter before the Father and 
 Fountain of lights. Many men, under the 
 idea of delicacy to their wives, keep all 
 their difficulties to themselves, which only 
 
62 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 prepares them to feel the stroke the heavier 
 when it does come. 
 
 And, then, as the wife should be willing 
 to help the husband in matters of business, 
 he should be willing to share with her the 
 burden of domestic anxieties and fatigue. 
 Some go too far, and utterly degrade the 
 female head of the family, by treating her 
 as if her honesty or ability could not be 
 trusted in the management of the domestic 
 economy. They keep the money, and dole 
 it out as if they were parting with their life s 
 blood, grudging every shilling they dispense, 
 and requiring an account as rigid as they 
 would from a suspected servant ; they take 
 charge of everything, give out everything, 
 interfere in everything. This is to despoil 
 a woman of her authority, to thrust her from 
 her proper place, to insult and degrade her 
 before her children and servants. 
 
 Some, on the other hand, go to the oppo 
 site extreme, and take no share in anything. 
 My heart has ached to see the slavery of 
 some devoted, hard-working, and ill-used 
 wives ; after laboring all day amidst the 
 ceaseless toils of a young and numerous 
 family, they have had to pass the hours of 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 63 
 
 evening 1 in solitude ; while the husbands, 
 instead of coming home to cheer them by 
 their society, or to reiieve them for only half 
 an hour of their fatigue, have been either at 
 a party or a sermon ; and then have these 
 hapless women had to wake and watch the 
 live-long night, over a sick or restless babe, 
 while the men, whom they accepted as the 
 partners of their sorrows, were sleeping by 
 their side, unwilling to give a single hour of 
 their slumber, though it was to allow a little 
 repose to their toil-worn wives. 
 
 Even the irrational creatures shame such 
 men; for it is a well-known fact, that the 
 male bird takes his turn upon the nest dur 
 ing the season of incubation, to allow the 
 female time to renew her strength by food 
 and rest ; and with her, also, goes in diligent 
 quest of food, and feeds the young ones 
 when they cry. No man should think of 
 marrying, who does not stand prepared to 
 share, as far as he can do it, with his wife, 
 the burden of domestic cares. 
 
 They should be helpful to each other in 
 the concerns of personal religion. This 
 duty is clearly implied in the apostle s 
 language : " For what knowest thou, O 
 
64 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 wife, whether thou shall save thy husband ? 
 Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou 
 shalt save thy wife ? " Where only one is 
 yet a partaker of true piety, there should be 
 the most anxious, judicious, and affectionate 
 efforts for the other s salvation. And where 
 both parties are real Christians, there should 
 be the exercise of a constant reciprocal soli 
 citude, watchfulness, and care, in reference 
 to their spiritual and eternal welfare. 
 
 " How blest the sacred tie that binds 
 Jn union sweet accordant minds ! 
 How swift the heavenly course they run, 
 Whose hearts, whose faith, whose hopes are one ! " 
 
 One of the ends which every believer 
 should propose to himself, on entering the 
 marriage state, is, to secure one faithful 
 friend, at least, who will be a helpmate for 
 him in reference to another world, assist him 
 in the great business of his soul s salvation, 
 and that will pray for him and with him; 
 one that will affectionately tell him of his 
 sins and his defects, viewed in the light of a 
 Christian ; one that will stimulate and draw 
 him by the power of a holy example, and 
 the sweet force of persuasive words; one 
 that will warn him in temptation, comfort 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 66 
 
 him in dejection, and in every way assist 
 him in his pilgrimage to the skies. 
 
 The highest end of the connubial state is 
 lost, if it be not rendered helpful to our 
 piety; and yet this end is too generally neg 
 lected, even by professors of religion. Do 
 we converse with each other as we ought on 
 the high themes of redemption by Christ, 
 and eternal salvation? Do we study each 
 other s dispositions, snares, troubles, decays 
 in piety, that we may apply suitable reme 
 dies ? Do we exhort one another daily, lest 
 we should be hardened through the deceit- 
 fulness of sin ? Do we practise fidelity with 
 out censoriousness, and administer praise 
 without flattery? Do we invite one another 
 to the most quickening and edifying means 
 of grace of a public nature, and recommend 
 the perusal of such instructive and improv 
 ing books as we have found beneficial to 
 ourselves? Do we mutually lay open the 
 state of our minds on the subject of personal 
 religion, and state our perplexities, our joys, 
 our fears, our sorrows? Alas, alas, who 
 must not blush at their neglects in these 
 particulars? And yet such neglect is as 
 criminal as it is common. Fleeing from the 
 
fit) I I.I. :M \lilil \,.i; IMNU. 
 
 li in i (.in.-, mill yd not doing all we can 
 to aid each other s escape ! Contending side 
 li\ lidc !"i th* Grown of glory i honoi , i minor 
 ul .u, .ind eternal life,und yet nut doing nil 
 \\.-.-.oi iii ensure each other s success ! Is 
 
 this lo\e . I . llnv tli,- IrudiMlU SS Or COllllU- 
 
 lu.il .Hi, -i -lion 1 / 
 
 Tin-, imiiu.il help should extend to the 
 iiniintfimtwe of all the habits of domestic 
 on/fT, dim iiilinf, and fn fty. The hnsli.md i-> 
 it> \n> i IK- prophet, priest, and king of the 
 I mid), to instruct their minds, to lead their 
 tli \i i. tiN, .mil to govern their tempera; but 
 in all that relates to these important objects, 
 i IK- u iff is to he of one mind with him. They 
 are., in these matters, to be workers IOLM ih, i, 
 ii. -ii In -i of them leaving the other to labor 
 alone, much Irss opposing or thwarting what 
 is iliMHv " When the mm shines, the moon 
 ill- .i| l>( .us , \\lu-n he sets, she appears anil 
 -Imirs; so when the luisliaml is at home, he 
 leads domestic worship, when lie is absent, 
 the \\ ile must ever take his place." 
 
 S>imc men refer the instruction of young 
 
 ehiUieu exi-liiM\,-l\ to iheu wives, and some 
 
 , soon as ihe t luldien are too old to 
 
 !ii upon the knee, think that they are 
 
i M i: ,i \ i. ;. i \,,i: KING. 
 
 exclusively the subjects of paternal can-. 
 This is a mistake in the Important economy 
 of the family, the member** of which are 
 never too young to be taught ami disriplmnl 
 by the father, nor loo old to be adiuonislicd 
 ami warned by the mother. He may some 
 times have a great inilueuce in awing the 
 rude spirits of the younger branches; while 
 her soft, persuasive accents may have de 
 lightful power to melt or break the hard 
 and stubborn hearts of older ones. Thus 
 they, who have a joint interest in a l.imil\, 
 must attend to them hi the exercise d ,i 
 joint labor. 
 
 They must be helpful to tmch other in. 
 works of humanity and religion:: l>, ncio 
 lence. 
 
 I h. -ii iniilnal inlliii-m-,- ih. il.l I..- .-\riird, 
 not ill restraining, but in Mumilatin-g zeal, 
 eompMtio&i uml liberality. What a bcauh 
 Inl pii-lure of domestic lile is drawn by the 
 pen of the Old Testament historian ! " And 
 it fell on a day th:it Mlisha pas.sed to Shn 
 nem, where was a great woman ; and she 
 ,. ii-, i rained him to eat bread. And so it 
 was, that as oft as he passed iry, he turned 
 in I In li i to eal bread. And she said unto 
 
68 THE MARRIAGE RING 
 
 her husband, Behold now, I perceive that 
 this is a holy man of God, which passeth 
 by us continually. Let us make a little 
 chamber on the wall, and let us set for him 
 there a bed, and a table, and a stool, and a 
 candlestick, and it shall be, that when he 
 cometh to us, he shall turn in hither. And 
 it fell on a day that he came thither, and he 
 turned into the chamber, and lay there." 
 
 Every part of this scene is lovely. The 
 generous and pious wish of the wife to pro 
 vide accommodation for a destitute and de 
 pendent prophet; her prompt and prudent 
 effort to interest her husband in the scheme 
 of her benevolence ; her discreet and modest 
 keeping of her place in not acting without 
 his permission; her dignified claim of a 
 right to be associated with him in this work 
 of mercy, for, said she, let us make a little 
 chamber on the wall. All is delightful and 
 as it should be on her part ; and no less so 
 on the part of the man; for there was no 
 surly refusal, no proud rejection of the plan, 
 because it did not originate with him; no 
 covetous plea for setting it aside, on the 
 ground of expense. 
 
 Delighted, as every husband should be, to 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 69 
 
 gratify the benevolent wishes, and support 
 the liberal scheme of his wife, so far as pru 
 dence will allow, he consented ; the little 
 chamber was erected, and furnished by this 
 holy pair, and soon occupied by the prophet ; 
 and never was a generous action more speed 
 ily or more richly rewarded. Elisha had 
 no means of his own, by which to acknowl 
 edge the kindness ; but He who said in after 
 times, " He that receiveth a prophet in the 
 name of a prophet, shall receive a prophet s 
 reward," took upon himself, as he does in 
 every instance, the cause of his necessitous 
 servant, and most munificently repaid the 
 generous deed. 
 
 A lovelier scene is not to be found on earth, 
 than that of a pious couple, employing their 
 mutual influence, and the hours of their re 
 tired companionship, in stirring up each 
 other s hearts to deeds of mercy and reli 
 gious benevolence. Not Adam and Eve in 
 Paradise, with the unspotted robes of their 
 innocence about them, engaged in propping 
 the vine, or trailing the rose of that holy 
 garden, presented to the eyes of angels a 
 more interesting spectacle than this. What 
 a contrast does such a couple present to the 
 
70 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 pairs, which are almost everywhere to be 
 found, whose calculations are not what they 
 can save from unnecessary expense to be 
 stow upon the cause of God and humanity, 
 but what they can abstract or withhold from 
 the claims of benevolence, to lavish upon 
 splendid furniture, or domestic luxuries. 
 
 Are there no wives who attempt to chill 
 the ardor, to limit the beneficence, to stint 
 the charities of their husbands? who, by 
 their incessant, and querulous, and almost 
 quarrelsome suggestions, that he is doing too 
 much for others, and too little for his own 
 family, drive the good man, notwithstanding 
 he is lord of his own property, to exercise 
 his liberality in secret, and bestow his char 
 ities by stealth? And what is oftentimes 
 the object of such women ? Nothing more 
 than the pride of ambitionj or the folly of 
 vanity; only that they might have these 
 parings of charity, to spend upon dress, fur 
 niture, and parties. 
 
 Perhaps the question will be asked, wheth 
 er it is proper for a wife to give away the 
 property of her husband in acts of humanity, 
 or religious benevolence. Such an inquiry 
 ought to be unnecessary ; for no woman 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 71 
 
 should be driven to the alternative of either 
 doing nothing for the cause of God and man, 
 or doing what she can by stealth. A suffi 
 cient sum ought to be placed at her dispo 
 sal, to enable her to enjoy the luxury of 
 doing good. Why should not she appear in 
 her own name upon the honorable list of 
 benefactors, and shine forth in her peculiar 
 and separate glory, instead of being always 
 lost in the radiance of our recorded mercy ? 
 Why should she have no sphere of benev 
 olent effort? Why should we monopolize 
 to ourselves the blessings of those that are 
 ready to perish ? 
 
 It is degrading a married female to allow 
 her no discretion in this matter, no liberty of 
 distribution, no power to dispense, even in 
 cases that concern her sex, but to compel her 
 to beg first of a husband that, which others 
 come to beg of her. If, however, she be un 
 happily united to a Nabal, a churl, whose 
 sordid, grasping, covetous disposition will 
 yield nothing to the claims of humanity or 
 religion, may she then make up for the 
 deficiency of her husband, and diffuse his 
 property unknown to him? I am strongly 
 tempted to answer this question in the alfir- 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 /native ; for if in any instance we may devi 
 ate from the ordinary rule, and taking the 
 man at his own word, which he uttered 
 when, in the solemn act of matrimony, he 
 said, " with all my worldly goods I thee 
 endow," may invest the wife with a joint 
 proprietorship, and a right of appropriation, 
 it is in such a case as this. 
 
 But still, we must not sacrifice general 
 principles to special cases ; and, therefore, I 
 say to erery female in such circumstances, 
 obtain, if you can, a separate and fixed 
 allowance for charitable distribution ; but if 
 even this be not possible, obtain one for 
 general personal expenses, and by a most 
 rigid frugality save all you can from dress 
 and decoration, for the hallowed purpose of 
 relieving the miseries of your fellow-crea 
 tures. 
 
 MUTUAL SYMPATHY. Sickness may call 
 for this, and females seem both formed and 
 inclined by nature to yield it. 
 
 41 Oh woman, in our hours of eae, 
 Uncertain, coy, and hard to pleae, 
 And variable as the shade 
 By the light, quirering aspen made, 
 When pain and anguish wring the brow, 
 A ministering angel thou 1 " 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 73 
 
 Unwilling, and, indeed, unable to subscribe 
 to the former part of this description, I do 
 most readily assent to the truth of the latter. 
 If we could do without her, and be happy in 
 health, what are we in sickness without her 
 presence and her tender offices ? Can we 
 smooth, as woman can, the pillow on which 
 the sick man lays his head ? No. We can 
 not administer the medicine or the food as 
 she can. There is a softness in her touch, 
 a lightness in her step, a skill in her arange- 
 ments, a sympathy looking down upon us 
 from her beaming eye, which ours wants. 
 Many a female, by her devoted and kind 
 attentions in a season of sickness, has drawn 
 back to herself that cold and alienated heart, 
 which neither her charms could hold, nor 
 her claims recover. 
 
 I entreat you, therefore, married females, 
 to put forth all your power to soothe and 
 please in the season of your husband s sick 
 ness. Let him see you willing to make any 
 sacrifices of pleasure, ease, or sleep, to min 
 ister to his comfort. Let there be a tender 
 ness in your manner, a wakeful attention and 
 sympathy in your look, a something that 
 seems to say, your only comfort in his afflic- 
 
74 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 tion is to employ yourselves in alleviating it. 
 Hearken with patience and kindness to the 
 tale of his lighter, and even of his imaginary 
 woes. A cold, heartless, awkward, unsym- 
 pathizing woman is an exception from the 
 general rule, and therefore the severer libel 
 upon her sex. 
 
 Nor is this sympathy exclusively the duty 
 of the wife ; but belongs equally to the 
 husband. He cannot, it is true, perform the 
 same offices for her, which she can discharge 
 for him ; but much he can do, and all he can 
 he should do. Her sicknesses are generally 
 more numerous and heavy than his ; she is 
 likely, therefore, to make more frequent calls 
 upon his tender interest and attention. Many 
 of her ailments are the consequence of be 
 coming his wife. She was, perhaps, in full 
 vigor, till she became a mother, and from 
 that time never had a moment s perfect ease 
 or strength again. That event, which sent 
 into his heart the joys of a parent, dismissed 
 from her frame the comforts of health. And 
 shall he look with discontent, and indiffer 
 ence, and insensibility, upon that delicate 
 flower, which, before he transplanted it to 
 his garden, glowed in beauty and in fragrance, 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 75 
 
 to the admiration of every spectator ? Shall 
 he now cease to regard it with any pleasure, 
 or sympathy, and seem as if he wished it 
 gone, to make room for another, forgetting 
 that it was he that sent the worm to the root, 
 and caused its head to droop, and its colors 
 to fade ? 
 
 Husbands, I call upon you for all the skill 
 and tenderness of love, on behalf of your 
 wives, if they are weak and sickly. Watch 
 by their couch, talk with them, pray with 
 them, wake with them. In all their afflic 
 tions, be you afflicted. Never listen heed 
 lessly to their complaints ; and, oh, by all 
 that is sacred in conjugal affection, I implore 
 you never, by your cold neglect, or petulant 
 expressions, or discontented look, to call up 
 in their imaginations, unusually sensitive at 
 such a season, the phantom of a fear, that 
 the disease, which has destroyed their health, 
 has done the same for your affection. Oh, 
 spare their bosom the agonizing pangs of 
 supposing, that they are living to be a burden 
 to your disappointed heart. 
 
 The cruelty of that man wants a name, 
 and I know of none sufficiently emphatic, 
 who denies his sympathy to a suffering wo- 
 
76 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 man, whose only sin is a broken constitution, 
 and whose calamity is the result of her 
 marriage. Such a man does the work of a 
 murderer, without his punishment, and, in 
 some instances, without his reproach; but 
 not always without his design or his re 
 morse. 
 
 But sympathy should be exercised by man 
 and wife, not only in reference to their sick 
 nesses, but to all their afflictions, whether 
 personal or relative ; all their sorrows should 
 be common. Like two strings in unison, 
 the chord of grief should never be struck in 
 the heart of one, without causing a corre 
 sponding vibration in the heart of the other ; 
 or, like the surface of the lake answering to 
 the heaven, it should be impossible for calm 
 ness and sunshine to be upon one, while the 
 other is agitated and cloudy. Heart should 
 answer to heart, and face to face. 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 SPECIAL DUTIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE. 
 
 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as 
 unto the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, even as 
 Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." 
 
 THE HUSBAND. 
 
 IN stating the duties especially enjoined 
 on the two parties in the conjugal union. I 
 shall begin with those of the husband. He 
 is commanded to LOVE his wife. 
 
 As we have already shown that love is a 
 duty of both parties, the question very natu 
 rally arises, "For what reason is it so 
 especially enjoined upon the husband?" 
 Why is he so particularly bound to the 
 exercise of affection? Perhaps for the 
 following reasons : 
 
 1. Because, in the very nature of things, 
 he is most in danger of failing in his duty. 
 Placed by the Creator as the " head of the 
 wife," and invested with a certain right to 
 govern his household, he is more in peril ot 
 
78 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 merging the tender sensibilities in the pre 
 dominant consciousness of superiority. 
 
 2. Because he is actually more deficient in 
 this duty than the other party. This has 
 ever been the case in pagan and Mahometan 
 countries. In barbarous nations, especially, 
 conjugal affection has ever been exceedingly 
 weak, and it is probable that even m the 
 more civilized countries of Greece and Rome 
 it was not so generally strong and steady, as 
 it has since been made by Christianity. 
 But without even going beyond the limits of 
 Christendom, it may be truly said, that hus 
 bands are usually more deficient in love than 
 wives. The latter, in my opinion, excel the 
 former in tenderness, in strength, in con 
 stancy of affection. \ 
 
 3. Because a want of love on the part of 
 the man is likely to be attended with more 
 misery to the other party. He can go to 
 greater excesses in violence, in cruelty, in 
 depravity. The want of this tender passion 
 in him is likely to have a still worse effect 
 upon his own character, and the peace of 
 the wife, than the want of it in her. In 
 either case a destitution of this kind is a 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 79 
 
 melancholy thing ; but in him, it is on sev 
 eral accounts the most to be dreaded. 
 
 The apostle lays down two models, or 
 rules, for a husband s affection ; the one is, 
 the love which Christ has manifested for his 
 church; and the other, the love which a man 
 bears for himself. 
 
 In regard to the first, I shall exhibit the 
 properties of Christ s love, and show in 
 what way our affection should be conformed 
 to his. 
 
 Christ s love was SINCERE. He did not 
 love in word only, but in deed and in truth. 
 In him there was no dissimulation ; no 
 epithets of endearment going forth out of 
 feigned lips ; no actions varnished over with 
 a mere covering of love. We must be like 
 him, and endeavor to maintain a principle of 
 true regard in the heart, as well as a show 
 of it in the conduct. It is a miserable thing 
 to have to act the part of love, without feel 
 ing it. Hypocrisy is base in everything; 
 but next to religion, is most base in affection. 
 Besides, how difficult is it to act the part 
 well, to keep on the mask, and to support 
 the character so as to escape detection ! Oh, 
 the misery of that woman s heart, who at 
 
80 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 length finds out, to her cost, that what she 
 had been accustomed to receive and value as 
 the attentions of a lover, are but the tricks 
 of a cunning dissembler ! 
 
 The love of the Redeemer was ARDENT. 
 
 Let us, if we would form a correct idea of 
 what should be the state of our hearts 
 towards the woman of our choice, think of 
 that affection which glowed in the breast of 
 the Saviour, when he lived and died for his 
 people. We can possess, it is true, neither 
 the same kind nor the same degree of regard ; 
 but surely, when we are reierred to such an 
 instance, if not altogether as a model, yet as 
 a motive, it does teach us, that no weak 
 affection is due, or should be offered to the 
 wife of our bosom. \Ve are told by the 
 Saviour himself, that if he laid down his 
 life for us, it is our duty to lay down ours 
 for the brethren; how much more for the 
 " friend that sticketh closer than a brother ! " 
 And if it be our duty to lay down our life, 
 how much more to employ it, while it lasts, 
 in all the offices of an affection, strong, 
 steady, and inventive. She, that for our sake 
 has forsaken the comfortable home, and the 
 watchful care, and the warm embrace of her 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 81 
 
 parents, has a right to expect, in our regard, 
 that which shall make her " forget her father s 
 house," and cause her to feel that, with 
 respect to happiness, she is no loser by the 
 exchange. Happy the woman, and such 
 should every husband strive to make his 
 wife, who can look back without a sigh upon 
 the moment, when she quitted forever the 
 guardians, the companions, and the scenes of 
 her childhood ! 
 
 The love of Christ to his church was 
 SUPREME. He gives to the world his benev 
 olence, but to the church his complacency. 
 " The Lord thy God in the midst of thee," 
 said the prophet, "is mighty; he will save 
 thee ; he will rejoice over thee with joy ; he 
 will rest in his love ; he will joy over thee 
 with singing." So must the husband regard 
 his wife, above all else ; he must " rest in 
 his love." He should regard her not only 
 above all without his house, but above all 
 within it. She must take precedence, both 
 in his heart -and conduct, not only of all 
 strangers, but of all relatives, and also of 
 all his children; he ought to love his chil 
 dren for her sake, rather than her for theirs. 
 Is this always the case ? On the contrary, 
 
83 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 have we not often seen men, who appear to 
 be far more interested in their children than 
 in their wives ; and who have paid far less 
 attention to the latter than to grown-up 
 daughters ? How especially unseemly is it, 
 for a man to be seen fonder of the society of 
 any other woman, than of that of his wife, even 
 where nothing more may be intended than 
 the pleasure of her company. Nor ought 
 ha to forsake her in his leisure hours, for 
 any companions of his own sex, however 
 interesting might be their manners or their 
 conversation. 
 
 The love of Christ is UNIFORM. Like 
 himself, it is the same yesterday, to-day, 
 and forever. Conjugal affection should have 
 the same character ; it should be at all times, 
 and in all places, alike ; the same at home as 
 abroad; in other persons houses^ as in our 
 own. Has not many a wife to sigh and 
 exclaim "Oh that I were treated in my 
 own house, with the same tenderness and 
 attention as I receive in company." With 
 what almost loathing and disgust must such 
 a woman turn from endearments, which 
 under such circumstances she can consider 
 as nothing but hypocrisy. Home is the 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 83 
 
 chief place for fond and minute attention; 
 and she, who has not to complain of a want 
 of it there, will seldom feel the need or the 
 inclination to complain of a want of it 
 abroad ; except it be those silly women, who 
 would degrade their husoauus, uj cAacung 
 not merely what is really kind, but what is 
 actually ridiculous. 
 
 The love of the Redeemer was PRACTICAL 
 and LABORIOUS. He provided everything 
 by his mediation for the welfare and com 
 fort of the church, and at a cost and by 
 exertions of which we can form no idea. It 
 has been already declared that both parties 
 are to assist in the cares of life. A good 
 wife cannot be an idle one. Beautiful is her 
 portraiture, as drawn by the wise man. 
 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her 
 price is far above rubies. The heart of her 
 husband doth safely trust in her, so that he 
 shall have no need of spoil. She will do 
 him good and not evil all the days of her 
 life. She layeth her hands to the spindle, 
 and her hands hold the distaff. She stretch- 
 eth out her hand to the poor; yea, she 
 reacheth forth her hand to the needy. Her 
 husband is known in the gates, when he 
 
84 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 sitteth among the elders of the land. She 
 opeueth her mouth with wisdom, and in her 
 tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh 
 well to the ways of her household, and 
 eateth not the bread of idleness. Her chil 
 dren rise up and call her blessed ; her hus 
 band also, and he praiseth her. Many 
 daughters have done virtuously, but thou 
 excellest them all. Favor is deceitful, and 
 beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth 
 the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the 
 fruit of her hands, and let her own works 
 praise her in the gates." This exquisite 
 picture, combining as it does industry, pru 
 dence, dignity, meekness, wisdom, and piety, 
 cannot be too frequently or minutely studied, 
 by those who would attain to high degrees 
 of female excellence. The business of pro 
 viding for the family, however, belongs 
 chiefly to the husband. It is his to rise 
 up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of 
 carefulness, and to drink, if necessary, the 
 waters of affliction, that he may earn, by the 
 sweat of his brow, a comfortable support for 
 the domestic circle. This is probably what 
 the apostle meant, when he enjoined us to 
 give HONOR to the wife as to the weaker 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 85 
 
 vessel ; the honor of maintenance, which 
 she, in consequence of the weakness of her 
 frame, and the frequent infirmities which the 
 maternal relation brings upon her, is not so 
 well able to procure for herself. 
 
 In general, it is for the benefit of a family 
 that a married woman should devote her 
 time and attention almost exclusively to the 
 ways of her household ; her place is in the 
 centre of domestic cares. What is gained 
 by her in the shop, is oftentimes lost in the 
 house, for want of the judicious superintend 
 ence of a mother and a mistress. Comfort 
 and order, as well as money, are domestic 
 wealth ; and can these be rationally expected 
 in the absence of female arrangement ? The 
 children always want a mother s eye and 
 hand, and should always have them. Let 
 the husband, then, have the care of provid 
 ing ; the wife, that of distributing to the 
 necessities of the family ; for this is the rule 
 both of reason and revelation. 
 
 And as Christ labored for his church, not 
 only during his abode upon earth, but made 
 provision for its welfare when he departed 
 from our world, in like manner should the 
 husband take care of his wife. I never 
 
86 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 could understand the propriety of that cus 
 tom, which is but too common, of men s 
 providing by their wills so much better for 
 the children than they do for the mother. 
 Does this look like a supreme love ? Every 
 man, who raises a woman to the rank of his 
 wife, should take care, however inferior she 
 might have been in circumstances before 
 their marriage, to leave her in the situation 
 into which he brought her ; for it is indeed 
 most cruel, to leave her to be deprived at 
 once not only of her dearest earthly friend, 
 but of her usual means of comfortable sub 
 sistence. 
 
 A practical affection to a wife extends, 
 however, to everything; it should manifest 
 itself in the most delicate attention to her 
 comfort and her feelings ; in consulting her 
 tastes ; in concealing her failings ; in never 
 doing anything to degrade her, but every 
 thing to exalt her before her children and 
 servants ; in acknowledging her excellences 
 and commending her efforts to please him ; 
 in meeting, and even anticipating, all her 
 reasonable requests; in short, in doing all 
 that ingenuity can invent for her substantial 
 happiness and general comfort. 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 87 
 
 Christ s love to his church was DURABLE 
 and UNCHANGEABLE. " Having loved his 
 own, he loved them to the end," without 
 abatement or alteration. So ought husbands 
 to love their wives, not only at the begin 
 ning, but to the end of their union ; when 
 the charms of beauty have fled before the 
 withering influence of disease ; when the 
 vigorous and sprightly frame has lost its 
 elasticity, and the step has become slow and 
 faltering; when the wrinkles of age have 
 succeeded to the bloom of youth, and the 
 whole person seems rather the monument 
 than the resemblance of what it once was. 
 Has she not gained in mind what she has 
 lost in exterior fascinations ? Have not her 
 mental graces flourished amidst the ruins of 
 personal charms ? If the rose and the lily 
 have faded on the cheek, have not the fruits 
 of righteousness grown in the soul? If 
 those blossoms have departed, on which the 
 eye of youthful passion gazed with so much 
 ardor, has it not been to give way to the 
 ripe* fruit of Christian excellence ? The 
 woman is not what she was, but the wife, 
 the mother, the Christian, are better than 
 they were. For an example of conjugal 
 
38 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 love in all its power and excellence, point 
 me not to the bride and bridegroom, display 
 ing, during the first month of their union, 
 all the watchfulness and tenderness of affec 
 tion; but let me look upon the husband and 
 wife of fifty, whose love has been tried by 
 the lapse and the changes of a quarter of a 
 century, and who, through this period and 
 by these vicissitudes, have grown in attach 
 ment and esteem; and whose affection, if 
 not glowing with all the fervid heat of a 
 midsummer s day, is still like the sunshine 
 of an October noon, warm and beautiful, 
 as reflected amidst autumnal tints. 
 
 But, before I go away from this view of a 
 husband s especial duty, I must just advert 
 to another rule of his regard, which is laid 
 down for him by the apostle. " So ought 
 men to love their wives, as their own bodies ; 
 he that loveth his wife loveth himself." A 
 man s children are parts of himself; his 
 wife is himself; " for they two shall be one 
 flesh." " This is his duty and the measure 
 of it, too ; which is so plain, that if he 
 understands how he treats himself, there 
 needs nothing be added concerning his de 
 meanor towards her ; for what mighty care 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 89 
 
 does he take of his body, and uses it with a 
 delicate tenderness, and cures for it in all 
 contingencies, and watches to keep it from 
 all evils, and studies to make for it fair 
 provisions, and is very often led by its incli 
 nations and desires, and does never contra 
 dict its appetites, but when they are evil, 
 and then also not without some trouble and 
 sorrow ! " So let a man love his wife as his 
 own body. 
 
 Can it be necessary to apply the force of 
 motives, to produce an appropriate attention 
 to such a duty? If so, I appeal to your 
 sense of honor. Husbands, call to recollec 
 tion the wakeful assiduities, and the tender 
 attentions, by which you won the affection 
 and the confidence of the woman, who 
 forsook her father, and her mother, and the 
 home of her childhood, to find a resting 
 place for her heart in your attachment ; and 
 will you falsify the vows you plighted, and 
 disappoint the hopes you raised? Is it 
 accounted a disgraceful stigma on a man s 
 reputation, to forfeit the pledges of a lover? 
 Oh, how much more dishonorable, to forget 
 those of a husband ! That man has dis 
 graced himself who furnishes just occasion 
 
90 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 to the partner of his days, to draw with a 
 sigh a contrast between the affectionate 
 attention she received as a lover and as a 
 wife. 
 
 I urge affection to a wife, by the recollec 
 tion of thai solemn moment, when, in the 
 presence of heaven and earth, you bound 
 yourself by all the deeply awful formalities 
 of a kind of oath, to throw open, and keep 
 open your heart, as the fountain of her 
 earthly happiness, and to devote your whole 
 life to the promotion of her welfare. 
 
 I appeal to your regard to justice. You 
 have sworn away yourself to her, and are no 
 longer your own. You have no right to that 
 individual, and separate, and independent 
 kind of life, which would lead you to seek 
 your happiness in opposition to, or neglect 
 of hers. "You twain are one flesh." 
 
 Humanity puts in its claim on behalf of 
 your wife. It is in your power to do more 
 for her happiness or misery, than any other 
 being in the universe but God himself. An 
 unkind husband is a tormentor of the first 
 class. His victim can never elude his grasp, 
 nor go beyond the reach of his cruelty, till 
 she is kindly released by the king of ter- 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 91 
 
 rorsj who, in this instance, becomes to her 
 an angel of light, and conducts her to the 
 grave as to a shelter from her oppressor. 
 For such a woman there is no rest on earth : 
 the destroyer of her peace has her ever in 
 his power, for she is always in his presence 
 or in the fear of it: the circumstances of 
 every place, and every day, furnish him with 
 the occasions of cruel neglect or unkindness, 
 and it might be fairly questioned, whether 
 there is to be found on earth a case of greater 
 misery, except it be that of a wretch tortured 
 by remorse and despair, than a woman whose 
 heart daily withers under the cold looks, the 
 chilling words, and repulsive actions of a 
 husband who loveth her not. Such a man 
 is a murderer, though he escapes in this 
 world the murderer s doom ; and by a refine 
 ment of cruelty, he employs years in conduct 
 ing his victim to her end, by the slow process 
 of a lingering death. 
 
 If nothing else can prevail, interest should ; 
 for no man can hate his wife, without hating 
 himself, for " she is his own flesh." Love, 
 like mercy, is a double blessing; and hatred, 
 like cruelty, is a double torment. We can 
 not love a worthy object without rejoicing 
 
92 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 in the reflex beams of our own affection. 
 Next to the supreme regard we cherish 
 towards God, and which it is impossible to 
 exercise and not hold communion with 
 angels in the joys of heaven, connubial love 
 is the most beatifying passion; and to 
 transvenom this into unkindness, is to open, 
 at the very centre of our soul, a source of 
 poison, which, before it exudes to torture 
 others, torments ourselves. 
 
 THE WIFE. 
 
 " Oh ! blest with temper, whose unclouded ray 
 Can make to-morrow cheerful as to-day ; 
 She, who ne er answers till a husband cool, 
 
 Charms by accepting 1 , by submitting sways ; 
 Yet has her humor most when she obeys." 
 
 The first duty which I would mention is 
 
 SUBJECTION. 
 
 " Wives, submit yourselves unto your own 
 husbands as unto the Lord ; for the husband 
 is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the 
 head of the church ; and he is the savior 
 of the body. Therefore, as the church is 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 93 
 
 subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to 
 their own husbands in everything." The 
 same tiling is enjoined also in the Epistle to 
 the Colossians. Peter unites with Paul in 
 the same strain. " Ye wives, be in subjec 
 tion to your own husbands." Before I state 
 the kind of subjection here commanded, it is 
 necessary to state the nature of the authority 
 to which it is to be yielded. 
 
 It is such an authority as is compatible 
 with religion or the claims of God ; for no 
 man has a right to enjoin, and no woman is 
 bound to obey, any command which is in 
 opposition to the letter or spirit of the Bible. 
 It is such an authority as is consonant 
 with sound reason; its injunctions must all 
 be reasonable ; for surely it is too much to 
 expect, that a wife is to become the slave of 
 folly, any more than of cruelty. It is an 
 authority that accords with the idea of com 
 panionship. It was very beautifully observed 
 by an ancient writer, that when Adam en 
 deavored to shift the blame of his transgres 
 sion upon his wife, he did not say " the 
 woman thou gavest to me;" no such thing; 
 she is none of his goods, none of his 
 possessions, not to be reckoned amongst his 
 
94 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 servants ; but he said, " the woman thou 
 gavest to be with me," that is, to be my 
 partner, the companion of my joys and 
 sorrows. 
 
 Let conjugal authority be founded upon 
 love, be never exercised in opposition to 
 revelation or reason, and be regulated by the 
 idea of companionship, and then there needs 
 no particular rules for its guidance; for 
 within such limits, it can never degenerate 
 into tyranny ; nor can it ever oppress its 
 subjects. To such a power any woman may 
 bow, without degradation, for its yoke is 
 easy and its burden light. In every society, 
 from that which finds its centre in the 
 father s chair, to that which in a wider circle 
 rests upon the throne, there must be prece 
 dence vested somewhere, and some ultimate 
 authority, some last and highest tribunal 
 established, from the decision of which there 
 lies no appeal. 
 
 In the domestic constitution, this superi 
 ority vests in the husband ; he is the head, 
 the lawgiver, the ruler. In all matters 
 touching the little world in the house, he is 
 to direct, not indeed without taking counsel 
 with his wife, but in all discordancy of view. 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 95 
 
 he, unless he choose to waive his right, is to 
 decide ; and to his decision the wife should 
 yield, and yield with grace and cheerfulness. 
 No man ought to resign his authority as the 
 head of the family, no woman ought to wish 
 him to do it. He may give up his predi 
 lections, and yield to her wishes, but he 
 must not abdicate the throne, nor resign his 
 sceptre. Usurpation is always hateful ; and 
 it is one of the most offensive exhibitions of 
 it, where the husband is degraded into a 
 slave of the queen-mother. Such a woman 
 looks contemptible even upon the throne. 
 
 I admit it is difficult for a sensible woman 
 to submit to imbecility, but she should have 
 considered this before she united herself to 
 it. Having committed one error, let her 
 not fall into a second, but give the strongest 
 proof of her good sense which circumstances 
 will allow her to offer, by making that con 
 cession to superiority of station, which there 
 is no opportunity in her case for her to do 
 to superiority of mind. She may reason, 
 she may persuade, she may solicit, but if 
 ignorance cannot be convinced, nor obstinacy 
 turned, nor kindness conciliated, she has no 
 resource left but to submit; and one of 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 the finest scenes, ever to be presented by the 
 domestic economy, is that of a sensible wo 
 man employing her talents and address, not 
 to subvert, but to support the authority of a 
 weak husband ; a woman who prompts, but 
 does not command, who persuades, but does 
 not dictate, who influences, but does not 
 compel, and who, after taking pains to 
 conceal her beneficent interference, submits 
 to the authority which she has both sup 
 ported and guided. 
 
 An opposite line of conduct is most 
 mischievous, for weakness, when placed in 
 perpetual contrast with superior judgment, 
 is rarely blind to its own defects; and as 
 this consciousness of inferiority, when united 
 with office, is always jealous, it is both 
 watchful and resentful of any interference 
 with its prerogative. There must be sub 
 jection then ; and, where it cannot be yielded 
 to superior talents, because there are none, 
 it must be conceded to superiority of station. 
 But let husbands be cautious not to put the 
 submission of their wives to too severe a 
 test. It is hard, very hard, to obey a rash, 
 indiscreet and silly ruler. " If j ou will be 
 the head, remember the head is not only the 
 
THE MARRIAGE R1JSG. 97 
 
 seat of government, but of knowledge. If 
 you will have the management of the ship, 
 see that a fool is not placed at the helm. 
 Shall the blind offer themselves as guides ? " 
 The grounds of submission are many and 
 strong. Waiving all motives founded upon 
 the comparative strength of mind with which 
 the two sexes may be gifted, I refer my 
 female friends to less questionable matters. 
 Look at the creation; woman was made 
 after the man, " for Adam was first formed, 
 then Eve." She was made out of man, " for 
 the man is not of the woman, but the 
 woman of the man." She was made for 
 man ; " neither was the man created for the 
 woman, but the woman for the man." Look 
 at the fall. Woman occasioned it. " Adam 
 was not deceived, but the woman being 
 deceived was in the transgression." She 
 was thus punished for it : " Thy desire shall 
 be to thy husband, and he shall rule over 
 thee." Look at her history. Have not the 
 customs of all nations, ancient and modern, 
 savage and civilized, acknowledged her 
 subordination ? Look at the light in which 
 this subject is placed in the New Testament. 
 How strong is the language of the text, 
 
98 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 " the husband is the head of the wife, even 
 as Christ is the head of the church. There 
 fore as the church is subject unto Christ, so 
 let the wives be to their own husbands in 
 everything." 
 
 Let me then, my respected female friends, 
 as you would submit to the authority of 
 Christ, as you would adorn the station that 
 Providence has called you to occupy, as you 
 would promote your own peace, the comfort 
 of your husband, and the welfare of your 
 family, admonish you meekly and gracefully 
 to be subject in all things, not only to the 
 wise and good, but to the foolish and iil- 
 deserving. You may reason, as I have said 
 before, you may expostulate, but you must 
 not rebel ojr refuse. Let it be your glory to 
 feel how much you can endure, rather than 
 despise the institutions of Heaven, or violate 
 those engagements into which you volun 
 tarily and so solemnly entered. Let your 
 submission be characterized by cheerfulness, 
 and not by reluctant sullenness. Let it not 
 be preceded by a struggle, but yielded at 
 once and forever. Let there be no holding 
 out to the last extremity, and then a mere 
 compulsory capitulation; but a voluntary, 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
100 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 contradiction, of pertinacious and obtrusive 
 disputation, of scolding accusation, of angry, 
 reproachful complaint, of noisy and obstrep 
 erous expostulation, should be avoided. 
 
 Almost all domestic quarrels begin in 
 words; and it is usually in a woman s- 
 power to prevent them by causing the law 
 of kindness to dwell upon her lips, and 
 calming the gusts of her husband s passion, 
 by those soft answers which turn away 
 wrath. Especially should she be careful 
 how she speaks to him, or even before him, 
 in the company of her family, or of strang 
 ers. She must not talk him into silence ; nor 
 talk at him ; nor say anything that is calcu 
 lated to wound or degrade him ; for a sting 
 inflicted in public is doubly charged with 
 venom; she must not endeavor to eclipse 
 him, to engross the attention of the company 
 to herself, to reduce him to a cipher which 
 is valueless till she stands before him. 
 This is not reverence ; on the contrary, she 
 should do all in her power to sustain his 
 respectability and dignity in public esteem ; 
 and her very mode of addressing him, 
 partaking at once of the kindness of afTec- 
 
tion, and the deference of respect, is emi 
 nently calculated to do this. 
 
 And should he at any time express himself 
 in the language of reproof, even though that 
 reproof be causeless, or unjustly severe, let 
 her be cautious not to forget her station, so 
 as to be betrayed into a railing recrimination, 
 a contemptuous silence, or a moody sullen- 
 ness. Difficult, I am aware, it is, to show 
 reverence and respect, where there are no 
 other grounds for it to rest upon than mere 
 station ; and as easy to pay it where wisdom, 
 dignity, and piety support the claims of 
 relationship. But in proportion to the diffi 
 culty of a virtuous action, is its excellence ; 
 and hers is indeed superior virtue, who 
 yields to the relationship of her husband 
 that reverence, which he forbids her to pay 
 to him on account of his conduct. 
 
 Her reverence will extend itself to her 
 actions, and lead to an incessant desire to 
 please him in all things. It is assumed by 
 the apostle as an indisputable and general 
 fact, "that the married woman careth how 
 she may please her husband." All her 
 conduct should be framed upon this principle, 
 to give him contentment, and to increase his 
 
I1ARJUAGE .RING. 
 
 delight in her. Lei her appear contented 
 with her lot. and that will do much to render 
 him content with his ; while, on the other 
 hand, nothing is more likely to generate dis 
 content in his heart, than the appearance of 
 it in her. 
 
 Let her, by cheerful good humor, diffuse 
 an air of pleasantness through his dwelling. 
 Let her guard, as much as possible, against 
 a gloomy and moody disposition, which 
 causes her to move about with the silence 
 and cloudiness of a spectre ; for who likes 
 to dwell in a haunted house? She should 
 always welcome him across his threshold 
 with a smile, and ever put forth all her inge 
 nuity in studying to please him, by consulting 
 his wishes, by surprising him occasionally 
 with those unlooked-for and ingenious de 
 vices of affection, which, though small in 
 themselves, are the proofs of a mind intent 
 upon the business of giving pleasure. 
 
 The greater acts of reverent and respectful 
 love are often regarded as matters of course, 
 and, as such, produce little impression ; but 
 the lesser acts of attention, which come not 
 into the usual routine of conjugal duties, 
 and into the every-day offices which may be 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 103 
 
 calculated upon, with almost as much cer 
 tainty as the coming of the hour which they 
 are to occupy, these free-will offerings of an 
 inventive and active affection, these extra 
 tokens of respect, and expressions of regard, 
 have a mighty power to attach a husband to 
 his wife; they are the cords of love, the 
 bands of a man. In all her personal and 
 domestic habits, her first care, then, next to 
 that of pleasing God, must be to please him, 
 and thus hold to herself that heart, which 
 cannot wander from her without carrying 
 her happiness with it, and which, when once 
 departed, cannot be restored by any power 
 short of Omnipotence itself. 
 
 MEEKNESS is especially mentioned by the 
 apostle Peter, as a disposition which it is the 
 duty of every wife to cultivate. 
 
 He has distinguished and honored this 
 temper by calling it the ornament of a meek 
 and quiet spirit. If there be some virtues 
 which seem preeminently to suit the female 
 character, meekness bears a high place 
 amongst such. No one stands in greater 
 need of this disposition than the female head 
 of a family ; either the petulance and way 
 wardness of children, or the neglects and 
 
104 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 misconduct of servants, or the sharp words 
 i of a husband, are almost sure, if she be 
 easily provoked, to keep her in a state of 
 irritation all the day long. 
 
 How trying is a peevish woman! how 
 odious a brawling one ! " It is belter to 
 dwell in the wilderness, than with a con 
 tentious and angry woman." The Graces 
 were females, says Mr. Jay; so were the 
 Furies too. It is astonishing the influence 
 which meekness has sometimes had in a 
 family ; it has quenched the sparks and even 
 coals of anger and strife, which, but for 
 this, would have set the house on fire ; it 
 has mastered the tiger and the lion, and led 
 them captive with the silken thread of 
 love. 
 
 The strength of woman lies not in resist 
 ing, but in yielding; her power is in her 
 gentleness ; there is more of real defence, 
 ay, and more of that aggressive operation, 
 too, which disarms a ioe in one mild look, or 
 one soft accent, than in hours of flashing 
 glances and of angry tones. When, amidst 
 domestic strife, she has been enabled to keep 
 her temper, the storm has been often scat 
 tered as it rose ; or her meekness has served 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 105 
 
 as a conductor to carry off its dreadful 
 flashes, which otherwise would have de 
 stroyed the dwelling. 
 
 Put on, then, the ornament of a meek and 
 quiet spirit. Pay less attention to the 
 decoration of the person, more to that of the 
 mind. "Your adorning is not to be that 
 outward adorning, of plaiting the hair, and 
 of wearing of gold, or of putting on of 
 apparel, but the hidden man of the heart, 
 which is not corruptible." The language of 
 another apostle on this subject is no less 
 striking. " In like manner, also, I will that 
 women adorn themselves in modest apparel, 
 with shamefacedness and sobriety ; not with 
 broiclered hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly 
 array ; but, which becometh women profes 
 sing godliness, with good works." 1 Tim. 
 ii. 9, 10. Two apostles, who both wrote as 
 they were moved by the Holy Ghost, in 
 such language as this, have denounced as 
 improper, and as unbecoming a profession of 
 godliness, a taste for immodest, expensive, 
 or highly decorative dress. 
 
 Surely, then, the subject is worthy the 
 most serious attention of all Christian fe 
 males. By what sophistry can the letter, 
 
106 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 much more the spirit, of two passages of 
 holy writ, so very plain and express in their 
 terms as these, be set aside? That they 
 are set aside, is evident by the appearance 
 of almost every congregation into which we 
 could enter on the Sabbath day. 
 
 It is high time for the Christian teacher 
 to call back the women "professing godli 
 ness," from their wanderings in the regions 
 of fashionable folly, to the Holy Scriptures ; 
 for there, it should be remembered, is laid 
 down a general law for regulating the dress 
 of the body as well as that of the mind. I 
 do hold, then, that these passages of Scrip 
 ture are still parts of revelation, and, as 
 such, still binding upon the conscience ; if 
 not, show me when they were cancelled. 
 
 I contend, that Christian females ought 
 to abstain from expensive, showy, and 
 extravagant fashions in dress, jewelry, and 
 all kinds of unsuitable personal decoration. 
 I am not arguing for a sectarian costume, 
 for a religious uniform, for canonical shapes 
 and colors ; nothing of the sort, but for sim 
 plicity, neatness, economy; for what the. 
 apostle calls modest apparel, shamefacedness 
 and sobriety ; for the spirit of the passages 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 107 
 
 if not the very letter; for a distinction 
 between those who profess godliness, in 
 their comparative inattention to such things, 
 and those who make no such profession ; 
 for a proof that their minds are not so much 
 engaged on these matters, as the minds of 
 the people of the world are. 
 
 I am not for extinguishing taste ; alas, in 
 matters of dress, this is already done; but 
 for resisting the lawless dominion of folly, 
 under the name of fashion. I am not for 
 calling back the age of Gothic barbarism, 
 or vulgarity ; no ; I will leave ample room 
 for the cultivation of both taste and genius 
 in every lawful department ; but I am pro 
 testing against the desolating reign of vanity ; 
 I am resisting the entrance of frivolity into 
 the church of God ; I am contending against 
 the glaring inconsistency of rendering our 
 religious assemblies like the audience con 
 vened in a theatre. 
 
 The evils of an improper attention to dress 
 are great and numerous. 1. Much precious 
 tjne is wasted in the study, and arrange 
 ments, and decisions of this matter. 2. 
 The attention is taken off from the improve 
 ment of the mind and the heart, to the 
 
108 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 decoration of the person. 3. The mind is 
 filled with pride and vanity, and a deteriora 
 ting influence is carried on upon what con 
 stitutes the true dignity of the soul. 4. The 
 love of display infects the character. 5. 
 Money is wasted, which is wanted for reliev 
 ing the misery and improving the condition 
 of mankind. 6. Examples are set to the 
 lower classes, in whom the propensity is 
 often mischievous in many ways. 
 
 I am aware it might be, and is said, that 
 there may be the pride of singularity, as 
 well as of fashion ; the pride of being covered 
 with sober autumnal tints, as well as of 
 exhibiting the brilliant hues of the rainbow ; 
 the pride of quality and of texture, as well 
 as of color and of form. I know it, and I do 
 not justify the one more than I do the other ; 
 I condemn all kinds ; but, at any rate, there 
 is a little more dignity in one kind than in 
 another. I will leave opportunity for the 
 distinctions of rank, for the inventions of 
 true taste, and for the modest and unobtrusive 
 displays of natural elegance and simple 
 beauty ; but I cannot allow the propriety of 
 Christian females yielding themselves to 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 109 
 
 the guidance of fashion, however expensive, 
 extravagant or gaudy. 
 
 As to the employment of our artisans by 
 the various changes of fashion, I have 
 nothing to do with this, in face of an 
 apostolic injunction. The silversmiths, who 
 made shrines for the worshippers of Diana, 
 might have pleaded the same objection 
 against the preachers of the gospel, who cer 
 tainly did, so far as they were successful, 
 ruin this trade. I am only speaking to pro 
 fessors of religion, who form so small a por 
 tion of society, that their abstinence from 
 folly would do but little in diminishing the 
 employment of the work-people, and if it did, 
 let them make it up in some other way. 
 What I contend for, then, is not meanness, nor 
 unvarying sameness ; but neatness opposed 
 to gaudiness; simplicity and becomingness 
 to extravagance ; modesty opposed to indeli 
 cacy; economy opposed to expensiveness. 
 
 Whether what I contend for is character 
 istic of the age in which we live, let any 
 spectator determine. I am anxious to see 
 professors of religion displaying a serious 
 ness and spirituality, a dignity and sobriety 
 of mind, a simplicity of habits, and a sedate- 
 
110 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 ness of manners, becoming their high and 
 holy profession ; and all this united with an 
 economy in their personal expenses, which 
 will leave them a greater fund at their 
 disposal, for relieving the miseries and 
 promoting the happiness of their fellow- 
 creatures. 
 
 But, perhaps, after all, many women may 
 plead, that the gayety and expensiveness of 
 their dress is more to please their husbands 
 than themselves; but even this must have 
 its limits. And I really pity the folly of 
 that man, who concerns himself too much in 
 the arrangement of his wife s wardrobe and 
 toilet; and who would rather see her go 
 forth in all the gorgeousness of splendid 
 apparel, to display herself in the drawing- 
 rooms of her friends, than, in dignified neat 
 ness, to visit the cottages of the poor, as the 
 messenger of mercy ; and who rejoices more 
 to contemplate her moving through the 
 circles of fashion, the admiration of one sex, 
 and the envy of the other, than to see her 
 holding on her radiant course, in the orbit 
 of benevolence, clad in unexpensive simplic 
 ity, and, with the savings of her personal 
 expenditure, clothing the naked, feeding the 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 hungry, healing the sick, and thus bringing 
 upon herself the blessings of him that was 
 ready to perish, and causing the widow s 
 heart to sing for joy. 
 
 Let it be remembered, that not only the 
 ornament, but the person which it adorns, is 
 corruptible. Accidents may distort the finest 
 form, diseases fade the loveliest coloring, 
 time disfigure the smoothest surface, and 
 death, the spoiler of beauty, work a change 
 so awful and appalling, as to turn away the 
 most impassioned admirers in disgust. How 
 soon will every other dress be displaced by 
 the shroud, and every other decoration be 
 stripped off to make way for the flowers that 
 are strewed in the coffin upon the corpse, as 
 if to hide the deformity of death. 
 
 But the graces of the heart, and the 
 beauties of the character, are imperishable. 
 Such let a wife be continually seeking to put 
 on ; " for she that has a wise husband must 
 entice him to an eternal dearness, by the 
 veil of modesty, and the robes of chastity, 
 the ornaments of meekness, and the jewels 
 of faith and charity ; she must have no paint 
 but blushings ; her brightness must be her 
 purity, and she must shine round about with 
 
112 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 sweetness and friendship, and then she shall 
 be pleasant while she lives, and desired 
 when she dies." 
 
 Economy and order in the management of 
 her personal and domestic expenditure, are 
 the obvious duty of a wife. 
 
 You are to preside in the direction of 
 household affairs ; and much of the pros 
 perity and comfort of the little community 
 will depend upon your skilful and prudent 
 arrangements. There is a manifest disposi 
 tion, in this age, in all classes of society, to 
 come as closely as possible to the habits of 
 those above them. The poor are imitating 
 the middling classes, and the]/ are copying 
 the upper ranks. A showy, luxurious, and 
 expensive taste is almost universally cher 
 ished, and is displayed in innumerable 
 instances, where there are no means to sup 
 port it. 
 
 A large house, a country residence, splen 
 did furniture, a carriage, a retinue of ser 
 vants, and large parties, are the aim of many, 
 whose creditors pay for all. Christian fam 
 ilies are in most imminent peril of worldly 
 conformity in the present day ; and the line 
 of demarcation between the church and the 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 113 
 
 world is fast wearing out. It is true, they 
 have no cards, they do not frequent the 
 theatre, or the hall-room, and perhaps they 
 have no midnight routs ; hut this is all ; for 
 many are as anxious about the splendor of 
 their furniture, the fashion of their habits, 
 the expensiveness of their entertainments, as 
 the veriest worldling can he. 
 
 Now a wife lias great influence in checking 
 or promoting all this. It has been thought 
 that this increasing disposition for domestic 
 show and gayety is to be attributed chiefly 
 to female vanity. It is woman that is 
 generally regarded as the presiding genius 
 of such a scene ; she receives the praise and 
 the compliment of the whole, and she 
 therefore is under the strongest temptation 
 to promote it. But let her consider how 
 little all this has to do with the happiness 
 of the family, even in its most prosperous 
 state ; and how a recollection of it aggravates 
 the misery of adversity, when a reverse takes 
 place. Then to be found in debt for finery 
 of dress or furniture ; then to have it said 
 that her extravagance helped to ruin her 
 husband ; then to want that for bread, 
 which was formerly wasted on luxury; 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 then to hear the whispered reproach of hav 
 ing injured others by her own thoughtless 
 expenditure ! 
 
 Avoid, my female friends, these miseries ; 
 do not go on to prepare wormwood and gall 
 to imbitter still more the already bitter cup 
 of adversity. Endeavor to acquire a skil- 
 fulness in domestic management, a frugality, 
 a prudence, a love of order and neatness, a 
 .midway course between meanness and lux- 
 ^ry, suitableness to your station in life, to 
 ^our Christian profession, an economy which 
 shall leave you more to spare for the cause 
 of God and the miseries of man. Rather 
 check than stimulate the taste of your hus 
 band for expense; tell him that it is not 
 necessary for your happiness, nor for the com 
 fort of the family ; draw him away from these 
 adventitious circumstances, to the mental 
 improvement, the moral culture, the religious 
 instruction of your children. Let knowledge, 
 piety, good sense, well-formed habits, har 
 mony, mutual love, be the sources of your 
 domestic pleasures. What is splendor of 
 furniture, or dress, or entertainments, to 
 these ? 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 115 
 
 A Wife SHOULD BE MOST ATTENTIVE TO 
 ALL THAT CONCERNS THE WELFARE AND 
 COMFORT OF THE CHILDREN. 
 
 For this purpose, she must be. a keeper at 
 home. " That they may teach the young 
 wives to be sober, to love their husbands, to 
 love their children, to be discreet, chaste, 
 keepers at home." And how can the duties 
 that devolve upon the female head of a 
 family be well discharged, if she be not a 
 keeper at home? On this I have dwelt 
 already, in a former chapter, but its impor 
 tance will justify my returning to the SUD- 
 ject again. How much has she to attend 
 to, how many cares to sustain, how many 
 activities to support, where there is a 
 young family. Whoever has leisure for 
 gossiping, she has none; whoever may be 
 found wandering from house to house, 
 "hearing or telling some new thing," she 
 must not. 
 
 A mother s place is in the midst of her 
 family ; a mother s duties are to take care 
 of them. Nothing can excuse a neglect of 
 these; and yet we often see such neglect. 
 Some are literary characters^ and the welfare 
 of the household is neglected for books. 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 Not that I would debar a female from the 
 luxury of reading ; far from it ; but her taste 
 for literature must be kept within due 
 bounds, and ot be allowed to interfere with 
 her household duties. No husband can be 
 pleased to see a book in the hands of a wife, 
 while the house is in confusion, and the 
 children s comfort unprovided for. Much 
 less should a taste for company be allowed 
 to draw a wife too much out of the circle of 
 her care and duties. To be wandering from 
 house to house in the morning, or to be 
 engaged till a late hour, evening after even 
 ing, at a party, while the family at home are 
 left to themselves, or to the care of servants, 
 is certainly disgraceful. 
 
 Even attention to the public duties of 
 religion must be regulated by a due regard 
 to domestic claims. I am aware that many 
 are apt to make these claims an excuse for 
 neglecting the public means of grace almost 
 entirely ; the house of God is unfrequented ; 
 sermons, sacramental seasons, and all other 
 religious meetings, are given up, for an 
 absorbing attention to household affairs. 
 This is one extreme ; and the other is, such 
 a devotedness to religious meetings, that the 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 117 
 
 wants of a sick family, the cries of a hungry 
 infant, or the circumstances of some extra 
 ordinary case of family care, are not allowed 
 to have any force in detaining a mother 
 from a week-day sermon, a prayer-meeting, 
 or the anniversary of some public institu 
 tion. 
 
 It is no honor to religion, for a wife, under 
 such circumstances, to be seen in the house 
 of God ; duties cannot be in opposition to 
 each other ; and, at such a time, hers lie at 
 home. It must be always distressing, and, 
 in some cases, disgusting, for a husband, on 
 his returning to a scene of domestic confu 
 sion, and seeing a neglected child in the cot, 
 to be told, upon inquiring after the mother, 
 that she is attending a sermon or public 
 meeting. There is great need for watchful 
 ness in the present age, when female agency 
 is in such requisition, lest attention to 
 public institutions should most injuriously 
 interfere with the duties of a wife and a 
 mother. 
 
 I know very well that an active woman 
 may, by habits of order, punctuality, and 
 despatch, so arrange more direct and imme 
 diate duties at home, as to allow of sufficient 
 
118 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 leisure to assist the noble societies which 
 solicit her patronage, without neglecting her 
 husband and children ; but where this cannot 
 be done, no society, whether humane or 
 religious, should be allowed to take her 
 away from what is, after all, her first and 
 more appropriate sphere. She must be a 
 keeper at ho7ne } if anything there demands 
 her presence. 
 
 Such appear to me to be the leading duties 
 of a wife. Motives of a very high and 
 sacred character may be offered for a diligent 
 performance of them. Her own comfort, 
 and that of her husband, is of course most 
 vitally connected with a "fulfilment of her 
 obligations ; and the welfare of her children 
 is also deeply involved. And then, her 
 character shines forth with peculiar lustre. 
 A GOOD WIFE is a high attainment in female 
 excellence ; it is woman in her brightest 
 glory since the fall. 
 
 But there is one consideration of supreme 
 importance, mentioned by the apostle, to 
 which I shall direct your attention. " Like 
 wise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own 
 husbands ; that if any obey not the word, 
 they also may without the word be won by 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 119 
 
 the conversation of the wives, while they 
 behold your chaste conversation, coupled 
 with fear." Powerful and yet tender consid 
 eration! Mark, my female friends, the 
 implied eulogy passed by the apostle on your 
 sex, where he seems to take it for granted 
 that if one party be destitute of religion, it is 
 the husband. And facts prove that this 
 assumption was correct. 
 
 Religion flourishes most among the female 
 part, of our species; in our congregations, 
 and in our churches, the greater number is 
 of ihem. Can we account for this by natural 
 causes ? Partly. They are more at home, 
 and, therefore, more within the reach of the 
 means of grace ; they are more susceptible ; 
 they are less exposed to those temptations 
 that harden the heart through the deceitful- 
 ness of sin ; they are subject to more afflic 
 tion, which softens the heart, and prepares it 
 for the seed of the kingdom ; but all this is 
 not enough, for without grace all these 
 advantages are unavailing ; we must resolve 
 it, therefore, into divine purposes, divine 
 interposition, and the arrangements of divine 
 wisdom. 
 
 Female influence in all civilized states is 
 
120 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 great; and God has generally made much 
 use of this, wherever the gospel has come, as 
 one of the means for spreading religion. 
 He pours his grace on them, that their influ 
 ence may he employed with others, especially 
 their husbands and their children. If, then, 
 in any case, a Christian woman be united to 
 an unconverted man, she must cherish and 
 display a deep, and tender, and judicious 
 solicitude for his salvation; and "what 
 knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt 
 save thy husband?" I would not encourage 
 unequal marriages; I would not have the 
 single try the doubtful and dangerous exper 
 iment of marrying an irreligious man, in the 
 hope of converting him ; in such cases, the 
 conversion is often the other way ; but where 
 the union is formed, there, I say, nourish the 
 anxiety, and employ every discreet exertion 
 for his eternal welfare. 
 
 Many instances have occurred, in which 
 the unbelieving husband has been sanctified 
 by the wife. She has drawn him, with the 
 cords of a tender and judicious love, to a 
 consideration of the subject of personal 
 religion. Think of the value of a soul, and 
 of the ineffable glory of being the instrument 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 121 
 
 of its salvation. But, O, to be the means of 
 saving" the soul of a husband ! Think how 
 it will strengthen the bond, and sanctify and 
 sweeten it, which unites you on earth and in 
 time; and at the same time add to it a tie, 
 by which you shall " not lose one another in 
 the valley of the shadow of death," but be 
 reunited as kindred spirits, though not as 
 man and wife, in hea,ven, and through 
 eternity. 
 
 Think, O wife, of the happiness the 
 honor that awaits you. What is the triumph 
 you have acquired over him by your charms, 
 compared with the victory you will obtain 
 over him by your religion ? What pleasure 
 will attend you the remainder of your days ! 
 now you are of " one heart and one mind ;" 
 now you "take sweet counsel together." 
 The privileged language of prayer now is, 
 "OuR Father;" of every motion made to 
 go and seek the Lord of Hosts there fe a 
 ready acceptance "I will go also." And 
 what will be your joy and crown of rejoicing 
 in that day, when, before assembled men 
 and angels, he will say, O blessed be the 
 Providence which attached us in yonder 
 world, and has still more perfectly united us 
 
122 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 in this ! The woman thou gavest to be with 
 me led me not to the tree of knowledge of 
 good and evil, but to the tree of life which 
 is in the midst of the Paradise of God. 
 
 But how is this solicitude to be employed? 
 The apostle tells us; "that they may be 
 won by the conversation of their wives, 
 while they BEHOLD your chaste conversation, 
 coupled with fear." Your religion must be 
 seen embodied in your whole character and 
 conduct. It must commend itself to their 
 judgment, by what they perceive as sincere. 
 It must be consistent; for a want of uni 
 formity, however earnest it may in many 
 respects arift at many times appear, will 
 produce disgust. You must " let your light 
 shine before them, that they, seeing- your 
 good works, may glorify God." You must 
 ever appear invested with all the beauty of 
 a lovely example, which, silent though you 
 be as it respects your tongue, is living 
 eloquence. 
 
 Your religion must diffuse its lustre over 
 your whole character, and impress itself 
 most deeply on your relation as a wife and 
 a mother; it must be a new motive to all 
 that respect, and reverence, and devotedness, 
 
THE MARRIAGE KING. 123 
 
 and meekness, which have been laid before 
 you ; and it must lead you to carry every 
 conjugal and maternal virtue to the highest 
 degree of perfection. It must be attended 
 with the most profound humility ; or if there 
 be any spiritual pride, any conscious and 
 manifest sense of superiority, anything 
 approaching to the pharisaic temper, which 
 says, " Stand by, I am holier than thou," 
 anything like contempt of your husband, 
 as an unconverted sinner, you will excite an 
 inveterate prejudice, not only against religion, 
 but against yourself; religion will be hated 
 by him for your sake, and you for religion s 
 sake. 
 
 When you venture to speak to him on the 
 subject of piety, it should be as remotely as 
 possible from all lecturing, all dictation, all 
 reproach, all conscious superiority ; and with 
 all possible tenderness, meekness, humility, 
 and persuasive affection. Never talk to 
 him of his state before others, and never 
 talk at him. Nor is it likely to accomplish 
 the object you have in view, to weary him 
 by continual importunity. Many defeat their 
 own end by an incessant introduction of the 
 subject, and sometimes with an asperity 
 
124 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 which increases the revulsion, which its own 
 nature is calculated, in such a mind, to 
 produce. An occasional hint, and that of 
 the most tender, respectful, and delicate kind, 
 is all that you should attempt, and then 
 leave your example to speak. Occasionally, 
 you may put an instructive volume in his 
 way, and when opportunity offers, solicit his 
 perusal of it. 
 
 Do not bring your religious friends too much 
 about you, so as to annoy him ; especially, 
 keep away as much as possible any that may 
 have a less portion of discretion than the 
 rest; and confine yourself to the more 
 judicious and best informed. Never rudely 
 interfere with his pursuits, his reading, or 
 his company, although they may not be what 
 you can cordially approve. Till he is 
 enlightened from above, he will not see the 
 evil of these things, and to attempt to 
 interrupt him, in any other way than by the 
 mildest and most respectful expostulation, 
 will only do harm. 
 
 Should he wish to draw you from the 
 high pursuit of eternal life, you are not, of 
 course, in this case, to yield to his persua 
 sion, nor in anything to concede, where your 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 125 
 
 conscience is decidedly concerned in the 
 matter. You must be firm, but mild. One 
 concession granted by you would only lead 
 to another. But still, even in this extremity, 
 your resistance of his attempts to interfere 
 with your religion must be maintained in 
 all the meekness of wisdom, and must be 
 attended with fresh efforts to please, in all 
 things which are lawful. If such a line of 
 conduct should subject you to reproach, 
 anger, and persecution, a most painful and 
 by no means an uncommon case, you must 
 possess your soul in patience, and commit 
 your way to Him that judgeth righteously. 
 Many a persecuting husband has been sub 
 dued, if not to religion, yet to kinder conduct, 
 by the meek and uncomplaining temper of 
 his wife. 
 
 To conclude. Let us all seek after more 
 of the spirit of true religion, the spirit of 
 faith, of hope, of prayer ; a faith that really 
 believes the word of God, and looketh 
 habitually to the cross of Christ, by which 
 we obtain salvation, and to the eternal world, 
 where we shall fully and forever enjoy it ; a 
 hope that lives in the expectation and desire 
 of glory, honor, immortality, and eternal 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 life ; and a spirit of prayer which leads us 
 daily and hourly to the throne of divine 
 I grace, for all that aid of the Holy Ghost 
 which we need, not only for the duties that 
 | refer to our relations to another world, but 
 j for those which devolve upon us in conse 
 quence of our relations in this. " Godliness 
 is profitable for all things, having the prom 
 ise of the life that now is, as well as of that 
 which is to come." The same principle of 
 divine grace which unites us to God will 
 bind us closer to each other. 
 
 Religion contains in it not only the seeds 
 of immortal virtues, but of such as are 
 mortal; not only the germs of excellences 
 which are to flourish in the temple of heaven, 
 but which grow up in the house of our pil 
 grimage upon earth, to enliven with their 
 beauty, and to refresh with their fragrance, 
 the domestic circle. A good Christian 
 cannot be a bad husband or father ; and, 
 other things being equal, he who has most 
 piety will shine most in all the relations of 
 life. 
 
 A Bible placed between man and wife 
 as the basis of their union, the rule of their 
 conduct, and the model of their spirit, will 
 
THE MARRIAGE RING. 127 
 
 make up many a difference, comfort them 
 under many a cross, guide them in many a 
 strait, wherein flesh and blood will be con 
 founded and at a loss, support them in their 
 last sad parting from each other, and reiinite 
 them in that happy world where they shall 
 go no more out. 
 
 " Those married pairs that live as remem 
 bering that they must part again, and give 
 an account how they treat themselves and 
 each other, shall, at the day of their death, 
 be admitted to glorious espousals; and, 
 when they shall live again, be married to 
 their Lord, and partake of his glories. All 
 those things that now please us shall pass 
 from us, or we from them ; but those things 
 that concern the other life are permanent as 
 the numbers of eternity; and although at 
 the resurrection there shall be no relation of 
 husband and wife, and no marriage shall be 
 celebrated but the marriage of the Lamb, 
 yet then shall be remembered how men and 
 women passed through this state, which is 
 a type of that; and from this sacramental 
 union, all holy pairs shall pass to the spirit 
 ual and eternal, where love shall be their 
 portion, and joys shall crown their heads, 
 
128 
 
 THE MARRIAGE RING. 
 
 and they shall lie in the bosom of Jesus, and 
 in the heart of God, to eternal ages." 
 
 "Far, far beyond the reach of mortal ken, 
 No eye hath seen it, nor hath human pen 
 Portrayed the glories of that world above, 
 Whose very atmosphere is holy love ! 
 
 There Christians, who in union dwelt on earth, 
 Heirs of its mansions by celestial birth, 
 In blest society shall meet and blend 
 In love and fellowship that never end. 
 
 Oh ! twill be passing sweet, to meet the friend 
 We loved on earth, and there together bend 
 Before the throne eternal, and rehearse 
 Its untold glories in exalted verse. 
 
 To walk in company the golden streets, 
 To sit, but not apart, on shining seats ; 
 To trace the beauues of each dazzling gem, 
 Or pluck the fruit of some unfading steml 
 
 To sip the waters of the sparkling fount, 
 To crop the flowers that deck the holy mount, 
 To breathe the fragrance of the balmy gale, 
 Or on the crystal river spread the sail ! 
 
 But most to adore the wonders of his grace, 
 To see the unveiled splendors of his face, 
 Who bought us with a price immense, unknown, 
 And raised us from a prison to a throne 1 " 
 
s 
 
 1 
 p 
 
 O 
 
 o 
 
 O 
 
 ; 
 
 
 CP I 
 
 ^ O 
 
 m ~r\ 
 m O 
 -< > 
 
 > o 1 
 
U.C.BERKELEY LIBRARIES 
 
 RSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY