OF THE 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF 
 
The Elevator 
 
 A FARCE 
 
 By W. D. Howells 
 
 BOSTON AND NEW YORK 
 
 Houghton Mifflin 
 Company 
 
COPYRIGHT, 1885 AND 1913, BY W. D. HOWELLS 
 I 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 JFarte. 
 
THE ELEVATOR 
 Jfarce, 
 
 rpHROUGH the curtained doorway 
 -*- of Mrs. Edward Roberta s pretty 
 drawing-room, in Hotel Bellingham, 
 shows the snowy and gleaming array of 
 a table set for dinner, under the dim 
 light of gas-burners turned low. An air 
 of expectancy pervades the place, and 
 the uneasiness of Mr. Roberts, in even 
 ing dress, expresses something more as 
 he turns from a glance into the dining- 
 
6 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 room, and still holding the portibre with 
 one hand, takes out his watch with the 
 other. 
 
 Mr. Roberts, to Mrs. Roberts entering 
 the drawing-room from regions beyond : 
 "My dear, it s six o clock. What can 
 have become of your aunt ? " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, with a little anxiety: 
 " That was just what I was going to ask. 
 She s never late; and the children are 
 quite heart-broken. They had counted 
 upon seeing her, and talking Christmas a 
 little before they were put to bed." 
 
 Roberts : " Very singular her not com- 
 ing! Is she going to begin standing 
 upon ceremony with us, and not come 
 tiU the hour?" 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "Nonsense, Edward! 
 She s been detained. Of course she ll 
 
THE ELEVATOR. f 
 
 be here in a moment. How impatient 
 you are ! " 
 
 Roberts : " Yon mnst profit by me as 
 an awful example." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, going about the room, 
 and bestowing little touches here and 
 there on its ornaments : " If you d had 
 that new cook to battle with over this 
 dinner, you d have learned patience by 
 this time without any awful example." 
 
 Roberts, dropping nervously into the 
 nearest chair : " I hope she is n t behind 
 time." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, drifting upon the sofa, 
 and disposing her train effectively on the 
 carpet around her : " She s before tune. 
 The dinner is in the last moment of ripe 
 perfection now, when we must still give 
 people fifteen minutes grace." She stud? 
 
g THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 ies the convolutions of her train absent 
 mindedly. 
 
 Roberts, joining in its perusal: "la 
 that the way you ve arranged to be sit 
 ting when people come in ? " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "Of course not. I 
 shall get up to receive them." 
 
 Roberts: "That s rather a pity. To 
 destroy such a lovely pose." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "Do you like it?" 
 
 Roberts: " It s divine." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " You might throw me 
 a kiss." 
 
 Roberts: "No; if it happened to 
 strike on that train anywhere, it might 
 spoil one of the folds. I can t risk it." 
 A ring is heard at the apartment door. 
 They spring to their feet simultaneously 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "There s Aunt Mary 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 9 
 
 now ! " She calls into the vestibule*, 
 "Aunt Mary!" 
 
 Dr. Lawton^ putting aside the vesti 
 bule porti&re, with affected timidity : 
 "Very sorry. Merely a father." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "Oh, Dr. Lawton? I 
 am so glad to see you ! " She gives him 
 her hand : " I thought it was my aunt. 
 We can t understand why she hasn t 
 come. Why ! where s Miss Lawton ? " 
 
 Lawton: "That is precisely what 1 
 was going to ask you." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Why, she is n t here." 
 
 Lawton : " So it seems. I left her 
 with the carriage at the door when I 
 started to walk here. She called after 
 me down the stairs that she would be 
 ready in three seconds, and begged me 
 to hurry, so that, we could come in to* 
 
10 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 gether, and not let people know Pel 
 saved half a dollar by walking." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " She J s been detained 
 too!" 
 
 Roberts, coming forward : " Now you 
 know what it is to have a delinquent 
 Aunt-Mary-in-law." 
 
 /awton, shaking hands with him : " Oh, 
 Roberts! Is that you? It s astonishing 
 how little one makes of the husband of a 
 lady who gives a dinner. In my time 
 a long time ago he used to carve. But 
 nowadays, when everything is served d, 
 la Russe, he might as well be abolished. 
 Don t you think, on the whole, Roberts, 
 you d better not have come?" 
 
 Roberts: "Well, you see, I had no ex 
 cuse. I hated to say an engagement 
 I hadn t any." 
 
THE ELEVATOR. \\ 
 
 JLawton: "Oh, I understand. Fou 
 wanted to come. We all do, when Mrs. 
 Roberts will let us." He goes and sits 
 down by Mrs. Roberts, who has taken a 
 more provisional pose on the sofa. " Mrs. 
 Roberts, you re the only woman in Bos 
 ton who could hope to get people, with 
 a fireside of their own or a register 
 out to a Christmas dinner. You know I 
 still wonder at your effrontery a little ? " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, laughing: "I knew I 
 should catch you if I baited my hook 
 with your old friend." 
 
 Lawton: "Yes, nothing would have 
 kept me away when I heard Bemis wa? 
 coming. But he does n t seem so inflex. 
 ible in regard to me. Where is he ? " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "I m sure I don t 
 know. I d no idea I was giving such a 
 
12 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 formal dinner. But everybody, begin 
 ning with my own aunt, seems to think 
 it a ceremonious occasion. There are 
 only to be twelve. Do you know the 
 Millers?" 
 
 Lawton : " No, thank goodness ! One 
 meets some people so often that one 
 fancies one s weariness of them reflected 
 in their sympathetic countenances. Who 
 are these acceptably novel Millers ? " 
 
 Mrs. JRoberts: "Do explain the Mil 
 lers to the doctor, Edward." 
 
 Roberts, standing on the hearth-rug, 
 with his thumbs in his waistcoat pockets : 
 " They board." 
 
 Lawton : " Genus. That accounts for 
 their willingness to flutter round your 
 evening lamp when they ought to be 
 singeing their wings at their own. Well, 
 Bpecies?" 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 13 
 
 Roberts: "They re very nice young 
 newly married people. He s something 
 or other of some kind of manufactures. 
 And Mrs. Miller is disposed to think 
 that all other ladies are as fond of him 
 as she is." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Oh ! That is not so, 
 Edward." 
 
 JLawton: "You defend your sex, aa 
 women always do. But you ll admit 
 that, as your friend, Mrs. Miller may 
 have this foible." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "I admit nothing of 
 the kind. And we ve invited another 
 young couple who have n t gone to house 
 keeping yet the Curwens. And h& 
 has the same foible as Mrs. Miller." Mrs. 
 Roberts takes out her handkerchief and 
 .aughs into it. 
 
14 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Lawton: "That is, if Mrs. Miller has 
 it, which we both deny. Let us hope 
 that Mrs. Miller and Mr. Curwen may 
 not get to making eyes at each other." 
 
 Roberts: "And Mr. Bemis and his 
 son complete the list. Why, Agnes, 
 there are only ten. You said there were 
 twelve." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Well, never mind. I 
 meant ten. I forgot that the Summerses 
 declined." A ring is heard. "Ah! that s 
 Aunt Mary." She runs into the vesti 
 bule, and is heard exclaiming without : 
 " Why, Mrs. Miller, is it you ? I thought 
 it was my aunt. Where is Mr. Miller ? " 
 
 Mrs. Miller^ entering the drawing- 
 room arm-in-arm with her hostess : " Oh, 
 he 11 be here directly. I had to let him 
 run baclr for my fan." 
 
THE ELR/ATOR. 15 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Well, we re tery glad 
 to have you to begin with. Let me intro 
 duce Dr. Lawton." 
 
 Mrs. Miller , in a polite murmur : " Dr. 
 Lawton." In a louder tone : " Oh, Mr. 
 Roberts!" 
 
 Lawton: "You see, Roberts? The 
 same aggrieved surprise at meeting you 
 here that I felt." 
 
 Mrs. Miller: "What in the world do 
 you mean?" 
 
 Lawton : " Don t you think that when 
 a husband is present at his wife s dinner 
 party he repeats the mortifying superflu 
 ity of a bridegroom at a wedding ? " 
 
 Mrs. Miller : " I m sure I don t know 
 what you mean. I should never think 
 of giving a dinner without Mr. Miller." 
 
 Lawton: "No?" A ring is heard, 
 * There s Bemis." 
 
16 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. Miller: "It s Mr. Miller." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Aunt Mary at last ! " 
 As she bustles toward the door : " Ed 
 ward, there are twelve Aunt Mary 
 and Willis." 
 
 Roberts: "Oh yes. I totally forgot 
 Willis." 
 
 Lawton : " Who s Willis ? " 
 
 Roberts : " Willis ? Oh, Willis is my 
 wife s brother. We always have him." 
 
 Dr. Lawton : " Oh, yes, Campbell." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, without : " Mr. Bemis ! 
 So kind of you to come on Christmas." 
 
 Mr. Bemis, without : " So kind of you 
 to ask us houseless strangers." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, without : " I ran out 
 here, thinking it was my aunt. She s 
 played us a trick, and has n t come yet." 
 
 Bemis, entering the drawing-roora 
 with Mrs. Roberts : " I hope she won t 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 17 
 
 fail altogether. I have n t met her for 
 twenty years, and I counted so much 
 upon the pleasure Hello, Lawton ! " 
 
 Lawton: Hullo, old fellow !" They 
 fly at each other and shake hands. " Glad 
 to see you again." 
 
 Bemis, reaching his left hand to Mr. 
 Roberts, while Mr. Lawton keeps hia 
 right: "Ah! Mr. Roberts." 
 
 Lawton : " Oh, never mind him. He s 
 merely the husband of the hostess." 
 
 Mrs. Miller, to Roberts: "What does 
 he mean ? " 
 
 Roberts: "Oh, nothing. Merely a 
 joke he s experimenting with." 
 
 Lawton, to Bemis: "Where s your 
 boy?" 
 
 Bemis : " He 11 be here directly. He 
 preferred to walk. Where s your girl ? 
 
18 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Lawton : " Oh, she 11 come by-and-by. 
 She preferred to drive." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, introducing them : " Mr. 
 Bemis, have you met Mrs. Miller ? " She 
 drifts away again, manifestly too uneasy 
 to resume even a provisional pose on the 
 sofa, and walks detach edly about the 
 room. 
 
 JSemis: "What a lovely apartment 
 Mrs. Roberts has." 
 
 Mrs. Miller : " Exquisite ! But then 
 she has such perfect taste." 
 
 JBemis, to Mrs. Roberts, who drifts 
 near them: "We were talking about 
 your apartment, Mrs. Roberts. It s 
 charming." 
 
 Mrs. .Roberts: "It is nice. It s th 
 ideal way of living. All on one floor 
 No stairs, Nothing." 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 19 
 
 Bemis : " Yes, when once you get here ! 
 But that little matter of five pair up v 
 
 Jkfrs. Roberts: "You don t mean to 
 say you walked up ? Why in the world 
 did n t you take the elevator ? " 
 
 Bemis : " I did n t know you had one." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "It s the only thing 
 that makes life worth living in a flat. 
 All these apartment hotels have them." 
 
 Bemis: "Bless me! Well, you see, 
 I ve been away from Boston so long, 
 and am back so short a time, that I can t 
 realize your luxuries and conveniences. 
 In Florence we always walk up. They 
 have ascenseurs in a few great hotels, 
 and they brag of it in immense signs on 
 the sides of the building." 
 
 Lawton: "What pastoral simplicity! 
 SJVe are elevated here to a degree that 
 
20 THE ELEVATOR, 
 
 you can t conceive of, gentle shepherd* 
 Has yours got an air-cushion, Mrs. Rob* 
 erts?" 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "An air-cushion? 
 What s that?" 
 
 Lawton : " The only thing that makes 
 your life worth a moment s purchase in 
 an elevator. You get in with a glass of 
 water, a basket of eggs, and a file of the 
 Daily Advertiser. They cut the eleva 
 tor loose at the top, and you drop." 
 
 Both ladies: "Oh!" 
 
 Lawton: "In three seconds you ar 
 rive at the ground-floor, reading your 
 file of the Daily Advertiser ; not an 
 egg broken nor a drop spilled. I saw il 
 done in a New York hotel. The air is 
 compressed under the elevator, and actl 
 as a sort of ethereal buffer." 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 2\ 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "And why don t we 
 always go down in that way ? " 
 
 Lawton: "Because sometimes the 
 walls of the elevator shaft give out." 
 
 Mrs, Roberts: " And what then ?" 
 
 Lawton: "Then the elevator stops 
 more abruptly. I had a friend who tried 
 it when this happened." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "And what did he 
 do?" 
 
 Laicton : " Stepped out of the eleva 
 tor; laughed; cried; went home; got 
 into bed; and did not get up for six 
 weeks. Nervous shock. He was fortu 
 nate." 
 
 Mrs. Miller: "I shouldn t think 
 you d want an air-cushion on your 
 elevator, Mrs. Roberts." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "No, indeed! Hor 
 
22 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 <id ! " The bell rings. Edward, 
 go and see if that s Aunt Mary." 
 
 Mrs. Miller: "It s Mr. Miller, 1 
 know." 
 
 emis : "Or my son." 
 
 Lawton : " My voice is for Mrs. Rob- 
 ert& s brother. I ve given up all hopes 
 of my daughter." 
 
 Roberts^ without : " Oh, Curwen ! Glad 
 to see you 1 Thought you were my wife s 
 aunt." 
 
 Lawton^ at a suppressed sigh from 
 Mrs. Roberts : " It s one of his jokes, 
 Mrs. Roberts. Of course it s your 
 aunt." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts^ through her set teeth, 
 smilingly : " Oh, if it is 9 1 11 make him 
 uffer for it." 
 
 Mr. Curwen, without: "No, I hatea 
 to wait, so I walked up." 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 23 
 
 Lawton : " It is Mr. Curwen, after all, 
 Mrs. Roberts. Now let me see how a 
 lady transmutes a frown of threatened 
 vengeance into a smile of society wel 
 come." 
 
 Mrs. Jtoberts : "Well, look ! " To Mr. 
 Curwen, who enters, followed by her 
 husband : " Ah, Mr. Curwen ! So glad 
 to see you. You know all our friends 
 here Mrs. Miller, Dr. Lawton, and 
 Mr. Bemis?" 
 
 Curwen^ smiling and bowing and shak 
 ing hands right and left : "Very glad 
 very happy pleased to know you." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts^ behind her fan to Dr. 
 Lawton : " Did n t I do it beautifully?" 
 
 Lawton^ behind his hand : " Wonder, 
 fully ! And so unconscious of the fact 
 that he has n t his wife with him." 
 
24 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, in great astonishment, to 
 j}Ir. Curwen: "Where in the world ia 
 Mrs. Curwen?" 
 
 Curwen: "Oh oh she ll be here. 
 I thought she was here. She started from 
 
 O 
 
 home with two right-hand gloves, and I 
 had to go back for a left, and I I sup 
 posed Good heavens!" pulling the 
 glove out of his pocket. " I ought to 
 have sent it to her in the ladies dressing- 
 room." He remains with the glove held 
 up before him, in spectacular stupe 
 faction. 
 
 Lawton : " Only imagine what Mrs. 
 Curwen would be saying of you if she 
 were in the dressing-room." 
 
 ^Roberts: "Mr. Curwen felt so sure 
 she was there that he would n t wait to 
 take the elevator, and walked up." An 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 22 
 
 other ring is heard. " Shall I go anf 
 meet your aunt now, my dear ? " 
 
 Mrs. ^Roberts: "No, indeed! She 
 may come in now with all the formality 
 she chooses, and I will receive her ex- 
 cuses in state." She waves her fan 
 softly to and fro, concealing a murmur 
 of trepidation under an indignant air, 
 till the portiere opens, and Mr. Willis 
 Campbell enters. Then Mrs. Roberts 
 breaks in nervous agitation : " Why, 
 Willis ! Where s Aunt Mary ? " 
 Mrs. Miller: " And Mr. Miller?" 
 Curwen : " And Mrs. Curwen ? " 
 Lawton : " And my daughter ? " 
 Bemis : " And my son ? " 
 Mr. Campbell, looking tranquilly 
 round on the faces of his interrogators 
 M Is it a conundrum ? " 
 
26 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. JRoberts, mingling a real distress 
 with an effort of mock heroic solemnity 
 "It is a tragedy! Oh, Willis dear! it s 
 what you see what you hear: a nieoe 
 witlioat an aunt, a wife without a hus 
 band, a father without a son, and another 
 father without a daughter." 
 
 Roberts : " And a dinner getting cold, 
 and a cook getting hot." 
 
 Lawton : " And you are expected to 
 account for the whole situation." 
 
 Campbell: " Oh, I understand ! I don t 
 know what your little game is, Agnes, 
 but I can wait and see. I^m not hun- 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Willis, do you think 
 I would try and play a trick on you, if I 
 could?" 
 
 Campbell: "I think you can t. Como 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 27 
 
 now, Agnes ! It s a failure. Own up, 
 and bring the rest of the company out of 
 the next room. I suppose almost any 
 thing is allowable at this festive season, 
 but this is pretty feeble." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Indeed, indeed, they 
 are not there ! " 
 
 Campbell: "Where are they, then?" 
 All: "That s what we don t know." 
 Campbell: " Oh, come, now ! that s a 
 little too thin. You don t know where 
 any of all these blood-relations and con 
 nections by marriage are ? Well, search 
 me!" 
 
 Mrs. Roberts^ in open distress : " Oh, 
 I m sure something must have happened 
 to Aunt Mary ! " 
 
 Mrs. Miller : " I can t understand what 
 Ellery C. Miller means." 
 
28 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Lawton^ with a simulated sternness 
 $ I hope you haven t let that son of 
 yours run away with iny daughter, 
 Bemis?" 
 
 JSemis : " I m afraid he s come to a 
 pass where he would n t ask my leave." 
 
 Curwen, re-assuring himself: "Ah, 
 she s all right, of course. I know 
 that" 
 
 JSemis : " Miss Lawton ? " 
 
 Curwen: "No, no Mrs. Curwen." 
 
 Campbell: " Is it a true bill, Agnes ? " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Indeed it is, Willis. 
 We Ve been expecting her for an hom 
 of course she always comes early 
 and I m afraid she s been taken ill sud 
 demy." 
 
 Roberts : Oh, I don t think it s 
 my dear." 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 9 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: " Oh, of course you 
 never think anything s wrong, Edward. 
 My whole family might die, and " 
 Mrs. Roberts restrains herself, and turns 
 to Mr. Campbell, with hysterical cheer 
 fulness : " Who came up in the elevator 
 with you?" 
 
 Campbell: "Me? I didn t come 
 in the elevator. I had my usual luck. 
 The elevator was up somewhere, and 
 after I d pressed the annunciator button 
 till my thumb ached, I watched my 
 chance and walked up." 
 
 Mrs, Roberts : " Where was tbe jani 
 tor?" 
 
 Campbell: " Where the janitor always 
 is nowhere." 
 
 Lawton: "Eating his Christmas din 
 ner, probably," 
 
80 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, partially abandoning 
 and then recovering herself : " Yes, it s 
 perfectly spoiled! Well, friends, I think 
 we d better go to dinner that s the 
 only way to bring them. I ll go out 
 and interview the cook." Sotto voce to 
 her husband : " If I don t go somewhere 
 and have a cry, I shall break down here 
 before everybody. Did you ever know 
 anything so strange? It s perfectly 
 pokerish." 
 
 Lawton: "Yes, there s nothing like 
 serving dinner to bring the belated 
 guest. It s as infallible as going with 
 out an umbrella when it won t rain." 
 
 Campbell: " ISTo, no ! Wait a minute, 
 Roberts. You might sit down without 
 ne guest, but you can t sit down with 
 out five. It s the old joke about the 
 
THE ELEVATOR. Jft 
 
 part of Hamlet. I ll just step round to 
 Aunt Mary s house why, I 11 be back 
 in three minutes." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, with perfervid grati 
 tude : " Oh, how good you are, Willis ! 
 You don t know how much you re 
 doing! What presence of mind you 
 have ! Why could n t we have thought 
 of sending for her? Oh, Willis, I can 
 never be grateful enough to you ! But 
 you always think of everything." 
 
 Roberts: "I accept my punishment 
 meekly, Willis, since it s in your honor." 
 
 Lawton : " It s a simple and beautiful 
 solution, Mrs. Roberts, as far as your 
 aunt s concerned ; but I don t see how 
 it helps the rest of us." 
 
 Mrs. Miller, to Mr. Campbell: "I 
 you meet Mr. Miller " 
 
82 THE ELEVATOR: 
 
 Curwen : "Or my wife " 
 
 Bemis : " Or my son " 
 
 Lawton : " Or my daughter " 
 
 Campbell: "I ll tell them they ve 
 just one chance in a hundred to save 
 their lives, and that one is open to them 
 for just five minutes." 
 
 Lawton : " Tell my daughter that I ve 
 been here half an hour, and everybody 
 knows I drove here with her." 
 
 Bemis: "Tell my son that the next 
 time I 11 walk, and let him drive." 
 
 Mrs. Miller : " Tell Mr. Miller I found 
 I had my fan, after all." 
 
 Curwen: "And Mrs. Curwen that 
 I ve got her glove all right." He holda 
 it up. 
 
 Mrs. Roberts^ at a look of mystifi. 
 cation and demand from her brother 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 33 
 
 " Never mind explanations, Willis. 
 They ll understand, and we ll explain 
 when you get back." 
 
 Lawton, examining the glove which 
 Curwen holds up: "Why, so it is 
 right!" 
 
 Curwen : " What do you mean ? " 
 
 Lawton: "Were you sent back to 
 get a left glove ? " 
 
 Curwen : " Yes, yes ; of course." 
 
 Lawton : " Well, if you 11 notice, thia 
 is a right one. The one at home is 
 left." 
 
 Curwen^ staring helplessly at it: 
 "Gracious Powers! what shall I do?" 
 
 Lawton: "Pray that Mrs. Curwen 
 may never come." 
 
 Mr. Curwen^ dashing through tne 
 door: "I ll be back by the time .Mr. 
 Campbell returns." 
 
84 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. Miller, with tokens of breaking 
 down visible to Mrs. Roberts : " I won 
 der what could have kept Mr. Miller. 
 It s so very mysterious, I " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, suddenly seizing her by 
 the arm, and hurrying her from the 
 room : " Now, Mrs. Miller, you ve just 
 got time to see my baby." 
 
 Mr. Roberts, winking at his remaining 
 guests: "A little cry will do them 
 good. I saw as soon as Willis came in in 
 stead of her aunt, that my wife could n t 
 get through without it. They 11 come 
 back as bright as " 
 
 Lawton: "Bemis, should you mind 
 & bereaved father falling upon your 
 neck?" 
 
 Hemis: "Yes, Lawton, I think I 
 ihould. 
 
THE ELEVATOR. $5 
 
 Xawton: "Well it is rather odd 
 about all those people. You can say of 
 one or two tliat they ve been delayed, 
 but five people can t have been delayed. 
 It s too much. It amounts to a coin- 
 cidence. Hello ! What s that ? " 
 JKoberts : " What s what ? " 
 Lawton : u I thought I heard a cry." 
 JKoberts : " Very likely you did. They 
 profess to deaden these floors so that 
 you can t hear from one apartment to 
 another. But I know pretty well when 
 my neighbor overhead is trying to wheel 
 his baby to sleep in a perambulator at 
 three o clock in the morning ; and I 
 guess our young lady lets the people 
 below understand when she s wakeful. 
 But it s the only way to live, after alL 
 I would n t go back to the old up-and 
 
86 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 down-stairs, house-in-a-block system on 
 any account. Here we all live on the 
 ground-floor practically. The elevator 
 equalizes everything." 
 
 Hemis : "Yes, when it happens to 
 be where you are. I believe I prefer the 
 good old Florentine fashion of walking 
 upstairs, after all." 
 
 Lawton: "Roberts, I did hear some 
 thing. Hark! It sounded like a cry 
 for help. There ! " 
 
 Roberts: "You re nervous, doctor. 
 It s nothing. However, it s easy enough 
 to go out and see." He goes out to the 
 door of the apartment, and immediately 
 returns. He beckons to Dr. Lawton and 
 Mr. Bemis, with a mysterious whisper : 
 " Come here, both of you. Don t alarm 
 the ladies." 
 
II. 
 
 Is the interior of the elevator are 
 seated Mrs. Roberts s Aunt Mary (Mrs. 
 Crashaw), Mrs. Curwen, and Miss Law- 
 ton; Mr, Miller and Mr. Alfred Bemia 
 are standing with their hats in their 
 hands. They are in dinner costume, 
 with their overcoats on their arms, and 
 the ladies draperies and ribbons show 
 from under their outer wraps, where 
 they are caught up and held with that 
 caution which characterizes ladies in 
 Bitting attitudes which they have not 
 been able to choose deliberately. As 
 they talk together, the elevator rises 
 
 37 
 
88 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 very slowly, and they continue talking 
 for some time before they observe that 
 it has stopped. 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw: "It s very fortunate 
 that we are all here together. I ought 
 to have been here half an hour ago, but 
 I was kept at home by an accident to my 
 finery, and before I could be put in re 
 pair I heard it striking the quarter past. 
 I don t know what my niece will say to 
 me. -I hope you good people will all 
 stand by me if she should be violent." 
 
 Miller : " In what a poor man may 
 with his wife s fan, you shall command 
 me, Mrs. Crashaw." He takes the fan 
 out, and unfurls it. 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " Did she send you 
 jack for it?" 
 
 Miller : " I should n t have had thf 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 89 
 
 pleasure of arriving with you if she 
 had n t." 
 
 Mrs. CrashaW) laughing, to Mrs. Cur- 
 wen: "What did you send yours back 
 for, my dear ? " 
 
 Mrs. Curwen, thrusting out one hand 
 gloved, and the other ungloved : " I 
 didn t want two rights." 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis\ "Not even wo 
 men s rights?" 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " Oh, so young and so 
 depraved! Are all the young men in 
 Florence so bad?" Surveying her ex 
 tended arms, which she turns over : " 1 
 don t know that I need have sent him 
 for the other glove. I could have ex 
 plained to Mrs. Roberts. Perhaps she 
 would have forgiven my coming in one 
 glove." 
 
40 / THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 ^ looking down at the pretty 
 arms : " If she had seen you without." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " Oh, you were look* 
 ing ! " She rapidly involves her arms 
 in her wrap. Then she suddenly un 
 wraps them, and regards them thought- 
 fully. " What if he should bring a ten- 
 button instead of an eight ! And he s 
 quite capable of doing it." 
 
 Milkr : " Are there such things as ten- 
 button gloves ? " 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " You would think 
 there wer ten-thousand-button gloves 
 if you had them to button." 
 
 Miller : " It would depend upon whom 
 I had to button them for." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " For Mrs. Miller, for 
 example." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " We women are too 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 41 
 
 i?od, always sending people back for 
 something. It s well the men don t 
 know how bad." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: " Sh! Mr, Miller is 
 listening. And he thought we were per 
 fect. He asks nothing better than to be 
 sent back for his wife s fan. And he 
 does n t say anything even under hia 
 breath when she finds she s forgotten it, 
 and begins, * Oh, dearest, my fan 
 Mr. Curwen does. But he goes all the 
 same. I hope you have your father in 
 good training, Miss Lawton. You must 
 commence with your father, if you ex 
 pect your husband to be * good. " 
 
 Miss Lawton : " Then mine will never 
 behave, for papa is perfectly incorri 
 gible." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " I m sorry to hear 
 
42 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 such a bad report of him. Shouldn t 
 you think he would be * good, Mr. Be- 
 mis?" 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis : " I should think 
 he would try." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " A diplomate, as well 
 as a punster already ! I must warn Miss 
 Lawton." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw, interposing to spare 
 the young people: "What an amusing 
 thing elevator etiquette is ! Why should 
 the gentlemen take their hats off? Why 
 don t you take your hats off in a horso. 
 car?" 
 
 Miller: "The theory is that the eleva 
 tor is a room." 
 
 young Mr. Bemis : " We were at a 
 hotel in London where they called it the 
 Ascending Room." 
 
fHB ELEVATOR. 43 
 
 Miss Lawton : " Oh, how amusing ! n 
 Miller^ looking about : " This is a 
 regular drawing-rooni for size and lux 
 ury. They J re usually such cribs in these 
 hotels." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " Yes, it s very nice, 
 though I say it that shouldn t of my 
 niece s elevator. The worst about it is, 
 it s so slow." 
 
 Miller : " Let s hope it s sure." 
 Young Mr. Bemis : " Some of these 
 elevators in America go up like express 
 trains." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen, drawing her shawl about 
 her shoulders, as if to be ready to step 
 out : " Well, I never get into one with 
 out taking my life in ruy hand, and my 
 heart in my mouth. I suppose everyone 
 really expects an elevator to drop with 
 
44 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 them, some day, just as everybody reall} 
 expects to see a ghost some time." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " Oh, my dear ! what 
 an extremely disagreeable subject of con 
 versation." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " I can t help it, Mrs. 
 Crashaw. When I reflect that there are 
 two thousand elevators in Boston, and 
 that the inspectors have just pronounced 
 a hundred and seventy of them unsafe, 
 I m so desperate when I get into one 
 that I could flirt!" 
 
 Miller, guarding himself with the fan : 
 Not with me ! " 
 
 Mss Lawton, to young Mr. Bemis : 
 " How it does creep ! " 
 
 Young Mr. Semis, looking down 
 fondly at her: "Oh, does it?" 
 Mrs. Crashaw: "Why, it doesn t #f 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 45 
 
 at all ! It s stopped. Let us get out." 
 
 They all rise. 
 
 The Elevator Boy, pulling at the 
 
 rope : " We re not there, yet." 
 
 Mrs. CrashaW) with mingled trepida 
 tion and severity : "Not there? What 
 
 are you stopping then, for ? " 
 
 The Elevator Boy: "I don t know, 
 
 It seems to be caught." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " Caught ? " 
 Miss Lawton : " Oh, dear ! " 
 Young Mr. Bemis: " Don t mind." 
 Miller : " Caught ? Nonsense ! " 
 Mrs. Curwen: "We re caught, .1 
 
 should say." She sinks back on the 
 
 seat. 
 
 The Elevator Boy : " Seemed to be 
 
 going kind of funny all day ! " He keeps 
 
 tugging at the rope. 
 
46 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Miller, arresting the boy s efforts i 
 " Well, hold on stop I What are you 
 doing?" 
 
 Tlie Elevator Boy : " Trying to make 
 it go." 
 
 Miller: "Well, don t be so violent 
 about it. You might break something." 
 
 The Elevator Boy : " Break a wire 
 rope like that ! " 
 
 Miller: "Well, well, be quiet, now. 
 Ladies, I think you d better sit down 
 and as gently as possible. I wouldn t 
 move about much." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " Move ! We re stone. 
 And I wish for my part I were a 
 feather." 
 
 Miller, to the boy: "Er a er- 
 where do you suppose we are ? " 
 
 The Elevator Boy: "We re in th 
 
THE ELEVATOR. Jtf 
 
 shaft, between the fourth and fifth 
 floors." He attempts a fresh demon 
 stration on the rope, but is prevented. 
 
 Miller : Hold on ! Er er " 
 
 Mrs. CrashciW) as if the boy had to be 
 communicated with through an inter 
 preter : " Ask him if it s ever happened 
 before." 
 
 Miller : " Yes. Were you ever caught 
 before?" 
 
 The Elevator JBoy : "No." 
 
 Miller: "He says no." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " Ask him if the ele 
 vator has a safety device." 
 
 Miller: "Has it got a safety device?" 
 
 The Elevator Boy : " How should I 
 know?" 
 
 Miller : " He says he don t know." 
 
 Mrs. Ctirwen, in a shriek of hysterical 
 
48 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 laughter : " Why, he understands Eng= 
 lish!" 
 
 Mrs. Crasliaw, sternly ignoring the in- 
 linuation : " Ask him if there s any 
 means of calling the janitor." 
 
 Miller: " Could you call the janitor? " 
 
 The Elevator Boy, ironically : " Well, 
 there ain t any telephone attachment." 
 
 MiUer, solemnly : " ISTo, he says there 
 isn t." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw, sinking back on the 
 seat with resignation : " Well, I don t 
 know what my niece will say." 
 
 Miss Lawton : " Poor papa ! " 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis, gathering one of 
 her wandering hands into his : " Don t 
 be frightened. I m sure there s no 
 danger." 
 
 The Elevator Boy, indignantly -. 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 48 
 
 "Why, she can t drop. The cogs in 
 the runs won t let her!" 
 
 All: "Oh!" 
 
 Miller, with a sigh of relief : " I kneiv 
 there must be something of the kind. 
 Well, I wish my wife had her fan." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " And if I had my left 
 glove I should be perfectly happy. Not 
 that I knc v what the cogs in the runa 
 are ! " 
 
 Mrs. Orashaio : " Then we re merely 
 caught here ? " 
 
 Miller: "That s all." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " It s quite enough 
 for the purpose. Could n t you put on a 
 Ufe-preserver, Mr. Miller, and go ashore 
 tnd get help from the natives ? " 
 
 Miss Lawton, putting her handke* 
 Chief to her eyes : " Oh, dear ! " 
 
50 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw, putting her arm around 
 her : " Don t be frightened, my child. 
 There s no danger." 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis, caressing the hacd 
 which he holds : " Don t be frightened. 
 
 Miss iMwton : " Don t leave me." 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis : " No, no ; I won t. 
 Keep fast hold of my hand." 
 
 Miss Lawton : " Oh, yes, I will ! I m 
 ashamed to cry." 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis, fervently: "Oh, 
 you need n t be ! It is perfectly natural 
 you should." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " I m too badly scared 
 for tears. Mr. Miller, you seem to be in 
 charge of this expedition could n t you 
 do something? Throw out ballast, or 
 let the boy down in a parachute? Or 
 I Ve read of a shipwreck where the SUP 
 
THE ELEVATOR. \ 
 
 rivors, in an open boat, joined in a cry, 
 and attracted the notice of a vessel that 
 was going to pass them. We might 
 join in a cry." 
 
 Miller : " Oh, it s all very well joking, 
 Mrs. Curwen " 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "You call it joking!" 
 
 Miller: "But it s not so amusing, 
 being cooped up here indefinitely. I 
 don t know how we re to get out. "We 
 can t join in a cry, and rouse the whole 
 house. It would be ridiculous." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " And our present atti 
 tude is so eminently dignified 1 Well, I 
 suppose We shall have to cast lots pretty 
 goon to see which of us shall be sacri 
 ficed to nourish the survivors. It s long 
 past dinner-time." 
 
 Miss Lawton, breaking down : " Oh, 
 don t say such terrible things." 
 
52 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Young Mr. Semis, indignantly com- 
 forting her : Don t, don t cry. There a 
 no danger, It s perfectly safe." 
 
 Miller, to the Elevator Boy : " Could n t 
 you climb up the cable, and get on to 
 the landing, and ah ! get some 
 body?" 
 
 Tlie Elevator Soy: "I could, maybe, 
 if there was a hole in the roof." 
 
 Miller, glancing up : "Ah ! true." 
 
 Mrs. Crasliaw, with an old lady s seri 
 ous kindness: "My boy, can t you think 
 of anything to do for us ? " 
 
 The Elevator Boy, yielding to the 
 touch of humanity, and bursting into 
 tears : No, ma am, I can t. And every, 
 body blamin me, as if I done it. 
 What s my poor mother goin to do?" 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw, soothingly : " But you 
 laid the runs in the cogs " 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 53 
 
 The Elevator Boy : " How can I tell I 
 That s what they say. They hain t 
 never been tried." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen, springing to her feet: 
 There ! I knew I should. Oh ! " She 
 sinks faulting to the floor. 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw, abandoning Miss Law- 
 ton to the ministrations of young Mi. 
 Bemis, while she kneels beside Mrs. 
 Curwen and chafes her hand : " Oh, 
 poor thing! I knew she was over 
 wrought by the way she was keeping 
 up. Give her air, Mr. Miller. Open 
 a Oh, there isn t any window!" 
 
 Miller ) dropping on his knees and 
 fanning Mrs. Curwen : ct There ! there \ 
 Wake up, Mrs. Curwen. I did n t mean 
 to scold you for joking. I didn t, in 
 deed. I I I don t know what the 
 
64 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 deuce I m up to." He gathers Mrs, 
 Curwen s inanimate form in his arms, 
 and fans her face where it lies on his 
 shoulder. " I don t know what my wife 
 would say if " 
 
 Mrs. Craskaw : " She would say that 
 you were doing your duty." 
 
 Miller, a little consoled : " Oh, do you 
 think so ? Well, perhaps." 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis: "Do you feel 
 faint at all, Miss Lawton ? " 
 
 Miss Lawton : "No, I think not. No, 
 not if you say it s safe." 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis : " Oh, I m sure it 
 is!" 
 
 Miss Lawton, renewing her hold upon 
 his hand: "Well, then! Perhaps \ 
 hurt you ? " 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis : " No, no ! You 
 could n t." 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 55 
 
 Miss Lawton : " How kind you are ! " 
 Mrs. Curwen, opening her eyes: 
 Where " 
 
 Miller, rapidly transferring her to Mrs. 
 Crashaw : " Still in the elevator, Mrs. 
 Curwen." Hising to his feet: "Some 
 thing must be done. Perhaps we had 
 better unite in a cry. It s ridiculous, of 
 course. But it s the only thing we can 
 do. Now, then! Hello!" 
 Miss Lawton : " Papa ! " 
 Mrs. Crashaio : " Agne-e-e-s ! " 
 Mrs. Curwen, faintly : " Walter ! " 
 The Elevator Boy: " Say ! " 
 Miller : " Oh, that won t do. All join 
 in Hello! " 
 All: "Hello!" 
 Miller: "Once more!" 
 All: "Hello!" 
 
56 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Miller: " Once more !" 
 All: "Hello!" 
 
 Miller: "Now wait awhile." After 
 an interval : " No, nobody coming." He 
 takes out his watch. " We must repeat 
 this cry at intervals of a half-minute. 
 Now, then ! " They all join in the cry, 
 repeating it as Mr. Miller makes the sig 
 nal with his lifted hand. 
 
 Miss Laioton : " Oh, it s no use ! " 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " They don t hear." 
 Mrs. Curwen : " They won t hear." 
 Miller : " Now, then, three times ! w 
 Att: "Hello I hello! hello!" 
 
III. 
 
 ROBERTS appears at the outer door of 
 his apartment on the fifth floor. It 
 opens upon a spacious landing, to which 
 a wide staircase ascends at one side. At 
 the other is seen the grated door to the 
 shaft of the elevator. He peers about 
 on all sides, and listens for a moment be 
 fore he speaks. 
 
 Roberts : " Hello yourself." 
 
 Miller, invisibly from the shaft: "Is 
 that you, Roberts?" 
 
 Jloberts: "Yes; where in the world 
 we you ? " 
 
 Mller: "In the elevator." 
 
 sr 
 
68 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. CrasJiaw : " We re all here, Ed* 
 ward." 
 
 Roberts : " What ! You, Aunt Mary ! n 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " Yes. Did n t I say 
 so?" 
 
 Roberts : " Why don t you come up ? 
 
 MiUer : " We can t. The elevator has 
 got stuck somehow." 
 
 Roberts : " Got stuck ? Bless my soul 
 How did it happen? How long have 
 you been there ? " 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "Since the world be- 
 gan!" 
 
 Miller : " What s the use asking how 
 it happened ? We don t know, and we 
 don t care. What we want to do is to 
 get out." 
 
 Roberts : " Yes, yes ! Be careful ! 
 He rises from his frog-like posture at the 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 59 
 
 grating, and walks the landing in agita- 
 
 tion. " Just hold on a minute ! " 
 Miller: " Oh, we sha n t stir." 
 Rober-ts : " I 11 see what can be done. * 
 Miller: "Well, see quick, please. We 
 
 have plenty of time, but we don t want 
 
 to lose any. Don t alarm Mrs. Miller, if 
 
 you can help it." 
 Roberts: "No, no." 
 Mrs. Curwen: "You may alarm Mr. 
 
 Curwen." 
 
 Roberts : " What ! Are you there ? " 
 Mrs. Curwen : " Here ? I ve been 
 
 here all my life ! " 
 
 Roberts : " Ha ! ha ! ha ! That s right. 
 
 We ll soon have you out. Keep up 
 
 your spirits." 
 Mrs. Curwen : " But I m not keeping 
 
 chem up." 
 
60 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Miss Lawton : " Tell papa I m hera 
 too." 
 
 Roberts: "What! You too, Miea 
 Lawton?" 
 
 Mrs. Orashaw : " Yes, and young Mr. 
 Beinis. Didn t I tell you we were all 
 here?" 
 
 Roberts : " I could n t realize it. Well, 
 wait a moment." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " Oh, you can trust us 
 to wait." 
 
 JRoberts, returning with Dr. Lawton 
 and Mr. Bemis, who join him in stoop 
 ing around the grated door of the shaft : 
 " They re just under here in the well of 
 the elevator, midway between the two 
 stories." 
 
 Lawton: "Ha! ha! ha! You don t 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 61 
 
 Semis : " Bless my heart ! What are 
 they doing there ? " 
 
 Miller : " We re not doing anything." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "We re waiting for 
 you to do something." 
 
 Miss Lawton : " Oh, papa ! " 
 
 Lawton: "Don t be troubled, Lou, 
 we ll soon have you out." 
 
 Young Mr. Semis: "Don t be 
 alarmed, sir. Miss Lawton is all right." 
 
 Miss Lawton: "Yes, I m not fright- 
 ened, papa." 
 
 Lawton: "Well, that s a great thing 
 in cases of this kind. How did you 
 happen to get there ? " 
 
 Miller, indignantly: "How do you 
 suppose ? We came up in the elevator. 1 
 Lawton: "Well, why didn t you 
 tome the rest of the way ? " 
 
62 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Miller: " The elevator would n t." 
 
 Lawton : " What seems to be the mat* 
 ter?" 
 
 Miller: "We don t know." 
 
 Lawton: "Have you tried to start 
 it?" 
 
 Miller: "Well, I ll leave that to your 
 imagination." 
 
 Lawton : " Well, be careful what you 
 do. You might " 
 
 Miller, interrupting: " Roberts, who a 
 Jiat talking?" 
 
 HobertSy coming forward politely: 
 "Oh, excuse me! I forgot that you 
 didn t know each other. Dr. Lawton, 
 Mr. Miller." Introducing them. 
 
 Lawton : " Glad to know you." 
 
 Miller: "Very happy to make your 
 acquaintance, and hope some day to see 
 
THE ELEVATOR 63 
 
 you. And now, if you have completed 
 your diagnosis " 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "None of us have ever 
 had it before, doctor; nor any of our 
 families, so far as we know." 
 
 Lawton: "Ha! ha! ha! Very good! 
 Well, just keep quiet. We 11 have you 
 all out of there presently." 
 
 Bemis: "Yes, remain perfectly still." 
 
 Roberts: "Yes, we ll have you out. 
 Just wait." 
 
 Miller: "You seem to think we re 
 going to run away. Why should n t we 
 keep quiet? Do you suppose we re 
 going to be very boisterous, shut up here 
 like rats in a trap ? " 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " Or birds in a cage, if 
 you want a more pleasing image." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " How are you g^ing 
 to get us out, Edwird ? " 
 
64 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Roberts : " We don t know yet. But 
 keep quiet " 
 
 Miller : " Keep quiet ! Great heavens ! 
 we re afraid to stir a finger. Now don t 
 Bay * keep quiet any more, for we can t 
 Btand it." 
 
 Lawton: "He s in open rebellion. 
 What are you going to do, Roberts ? " 
 
 Roberts, rising and scratching his 
 head : " Well, I don t know yet. We 
 might break a hole in the roof." 
 
 Lawton: "Ah, I don t think that 
 would do. Besides you d have to get a 
 carpenter." 
 
 Roberts : " That s true. And it would 
 make a racket, and alarm the house " 
 staring desperately at the grated door 
 way of the shaft. " If I could only find 
 fin elevator man an elevator builder 
 
THE ELEVATOR. fift 
 
 But of course they all live in the &ul> 
 urbs, and they re keeping Christmas, 
 and it would take too long, anyway." 
 
 Bemis : " Had n t you better send for 
 the police ? It seems to me it s a case 
 for the authorities." 
 
 Lawton : " Ah, there speaks the Euro* 
 peanized mind ! They always leave the 
 initiative to the authorities. Go out and 
 sound the fire-alarm, Roberts. It s a 
 case for the Fire Department." 
 
 Roberts : " Oh, it s all very well to 
 jake, Dr. Lawton. Why don t yoa 
 prescribe something ? " 
 
 Lawton : " Surgical treatment seems 
 to be indicated, and I m merely a 
 general practitioner." 
 
 Roberts : " If Willis were only here, 
 he d find some way out of it. Well, I 11 
 have to go for help somewhere " 
 
66 THE ELEVATOR, 
 
 Mrs. Roberts and Mrs. Miller, burst 
 ing upon the scene : " Oh, what is it ? n 
 
 La.wton: "Ah, you needn t go for 
 help, my dear fellow. It s come ! " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " What are you all do 
 ing here, Edward?" 
 
 Mrs. Miller : " Oh, have you had any 
 bad news of Mr. Miller ? " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : Or Aunt Mary ?" 
 
 Miller, calling up: "Well, are you 
 going to keep us here all night ? Why 
 don t you do something ? " 
 
 Mrs. Mller : " Oh, what s that ? Oh, 
 it s Mr. Miller! Oh, where are you, 
 Ellery?" 
 
 Miller: " In the elevator." 
 
 Mrs. MiUer : " Oh ! and where is the 
 elevator? Why don t you get out? 
 Oh" 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 67 
 
 Miller : " It s caught, and we can t." 
 Mrs. Mller: " Caught? Oh, then you 
 will be killed killed killed! And 
 it s all my fault, sending you back after 
 my fan, and I had it all the time in my 
 own pocket; and it comes from my 
 habit of giving it to you to carry in your 
 overcoat pocket, because it s deep, and 
 the fan can t break. And of course I 
 never thought of my own pocket, and 
 I never should have thought of it at all 
 if Mr. Curwen had n t been going back 
 to get Mrs. Curwen s glove, for he d 
 brought another right after she d sent 
 him for a left, and we were all having 
 such a laugh about it, and I just hap 
 pened to put my hand on my pocket, 
 and there I felt the fan. And oh, what 
 ihall I do ? " Mrs. Miller utters these 
 
68 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 explanations and self-reproaches in a 
 lamentable voice, while crouching closo 
 to the grated door to the elevator shaft, 
 and clinging to its meshes. 
 
 Miller: "Well, well, it s all right 
 I ve got you another fan, here. Don t 
 be frightened." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, wildly : " Where s Aunt 
 Mary, Edward? Has Willis got back?" 
 At a guilty look from her husband : 
 "Edward! don t tell me that she s in 
 that elevator ! Don t do it, Edward ! 
 For your own sake don t. Don t tell me 
 that your own child s mother s aunt is 
 down there, suspended between heaven 
 and earth like like " 
 
 Lawton : " The coffin of the Prophet. 
 
 Mrs. Itoberts : " Yes. J)orft tell me 
 Edward ! Spare your child s mother, if 
 you won t spare your wife I " 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 69 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw: "Agnes! don t be 
 ridiculous. I m here, and I never was 
 more comfortable in my life." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, calling down the grat> 
 ing: "Oh! Is it you, Aunt Mary?" 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " Of course it is ! " 
 
 Mrs. JZoberts: "You recognize my 
 voice ? " 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw: "I should hope so, 
 indeed ! Why should n t I ? " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " And you know me ? 
 Agnes? Oh!" 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " Don t be a goose, 
 Agnes," 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, it is you, aunty. 
 It is ! Oh, I m so glad ! I m so happy ! 
 But keep perfectly still, aunty dear, and 
 we 11 soon have you out Think of baby, 
 and don t give way." 
 
70 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. (Jrashaw : " I shall not, if the 
 elevator does n t, you may depend upon 
 that." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: "Oh, what courage 
 you do have ! But keep up your spirits I 
 Mrs. Miller and I have just come from 
 seeing baby. She s gone to sleep with 
 all her little presents in her arms. The 
 children did want to see you so much 
 before they went to bed. But never 
 mind that now, Aunt Mary. I m only 
 too thankful to have you at all ! " 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw : " I wish you did have 
 me I And if you will all stop talking 
 and try some of you to do something, I 
 shall be greatly obliged to you. It s 
 worse than it was in the sleeping-car 
 fjiat night." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, do you remembei 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 71 
 
 It, Aunt Mary? Oh, how funny you 
 are I " Turning heroically to her hus 
 band : " Now, Edward, dear, get them 
 out. If it s necessary, get them out 
 over my dead body. Anything ! Only 
 hurry. I will be calm ; I will be patient, 
 But you must act instantly. Oh, here 
 comes Mr. Curwen ! " Mr. Curwen 
 mounts the stairs to the landing with 
 every sign of exhaustion, as if he had 
 made a very quick run to and from his 
 house. " Oh, he will help I know he 
 will! Oh, Mr. Curwen, the elevator 
 is caught just below here with my aunt 
 in it and Mrs. Miller s husband " 
 
 Lawton : " And my girl." 
 
 Bemis : " And my boy." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen) calling up : " And you* 
 wifel" 
 
72 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Curwen, horror-struck : " And my 
 wife ! Oh, heavenly powers ! what are 
 we going to do? How shall we get 
 them out ? Why don t they come 
 up?" 
 
 All: "They can t." 
 
 Curwen : " Can t ? Oh, my goodness ! " 
 He flies at the grating, and kicks and 
 beats it. 
 
 Roberts : " Hold on ! What s the use 
 of that?" 
 
 Lawton : " You could n t get at them 
 if you beat the door down." 
 
 Bemis : " Certainly not." They lay 
 hands upon him and restrain him. 
 
 Curwen, struggling: "Let me speak 
 to my wife ! Will you prevent a husband 
 from speaking to his own wife ? " 
 
 Mrs. Miller, in blind admiration of hi* 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 73 
 
 frenzy : " Yes, that s just what I said. 
 If some one had beaten the door in at 
 once " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts: Oh, Edward, dear, let 
 him speak to his wife." Tearfully: 
 Think if I were there!" 
 
 Roberts, releasing him: "He may 
 speak to his wife all night. But he 
 must n t knock the house down." 
 
 Curwen, rushing at the grating : " Car 
 oline ! Can you hear me ? Are you 
 safe?" 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "Perfectly. I had a 
 little faint when we first stuck " 
 
 Curwen : " Faint ? Oh ! " 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " But I am all right 
 DOW." 
 
 Curwen: "Well, that s right. Don t 
 be frightened ! There s no occasion for 
 
74 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 excitement. Keep perfectly calm and 
 collected. It s the only way What s 
 that ringing?" The sound of an elec 
 trie bell is heard within the elevator. It 
 increases in fury. 
 
 Mrs. Roberts and Mrs. MiUer : " Oh, 
 is n t it dreadful?" 
 
 The Elevator Boy: "It s somebody 
 on the ground-floor callin the eleva 
 tor!" 
 
 Curwen : " Well, never mind him. 
 Don t pay the slightest attention to him. 
 Let him go to the deuce ! And, Caro 
 line!" 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "Yes?" 
 
 Curwen : "I I I Ve got you* 
 glove all right." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " Left, you mean, ] 
 tope?" 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 75 
 
 Curwen : " Yes, left, dearest ! I mean 
 left." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "Eight-button?" 
 
 Curwen: "Yes." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen : " Light drab ? " 
 
 Curwen y pulling a light yellow glove 
 from his pocket: "Oh!" He staggers 
 away from the grating and stays himself 
 against the wall, the mistaken glove 
 dangling limply from his hand. 
 
 Itoberts, Lawton^ and Bemis: "Ah! 
 ha! ha! ha!" 
 
 Mr*. Roberts : " Oh, for shame ! to 
 laugh at such a time ! " 
 
 Mrs. Miller : " When it s a question 
 of life and death. There ! the ringing a 
 Btopped. What s that?" Steps are 
 heard mounting the stairway rapidly, 
 leveral treads at a time. Mr. Campbell 
 
76 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 suddenly bursts into the group on the 
 landing with a final bound from the 
 stairway. " Oh ! " 
 
 Campbell: "I can t find Aunt Mary, 
 Agnes. I can t find anything not 
 even the elevator. Where s the eleva 
 tor ? I rang for it down there till I was 
 black in the face." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " No wonder ! It s 
 here." 
 
 Mrs. MiUer : " Between this floor and 
 the floor below. With my husband in 
 it." 
 
 Curwen : " And my wife ! " 
 
 Lawton : " And my daughter 1 " 
 
 Bemis : " And my son ! " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " And aunty ! " 
 
 All: " And it s stuck fast." 
 
 Roberts : " And the long and short of 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 77 
 
 it is, Willis, that we don t know how to 
 get them out, and we wish you would 
 suggest some way." 
 
 Lawton : " There s been a great tacit 
 confidence among us in your executive 
 ability and your inventive genius." 
 
 Mrs. JRoberts : " Oh, yes, we know you 
 can do it." 
 
 Mrs. Miller: "If you can t, nothing 
 can save them." 
 
 Campbell, going to the grating : " Mil 
 ler!" 
 
 Miller: "Well?" 
 
 Campbell : " Start her up ! " 
 
 Miller: "Now, look here, Campbell, 
 we are not going to stand that ; we ve 
 had enough of it. I speak for the whole 
 elevator. Don t you suppose that if it 
 tad been possible to start her up we " 
 
78 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "We shouldn t have 
 been at the moon by this time." 
 
 Campbell : " Well, then, start her 
 
 Miller: "I never thought of that." 
 To the Elevator Boy : " Start her 
 down." To the people on the landing 
 above : Hurrah ! She s off ! " 
 
 Campbell: " Well, now start her up ! " 
 
 A joint cry from the elevator: " Thank 
 you ! we 11 walk up this time." 
 
 Miller: "Here! let us out at this 
 landing ! " They are heard precipitate 
 ly emerging, with sighs and groans of 
 relief, on the floor below. 
 
 Mrs. JRoberts, devoutly : " O Willis, 
 it seems like an interposition of Provi 
 dence, your coming just at this moment." 
 
 Campbell : " Interposition of common 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 79 
 
 tense ! These hydraulic elevators weak 
 en sometimes, and can t go any further." 
 
 Roberts^ to the shipwrecked guests, 
 who arrive at the top of the stairs, crest 
 fallen, spent, and clinging to one another 
 for support : " Why did n t you think of 
 starting her down, some of you ? " 
 
 Mrs. Roberts, welcoming them with 
 kisses and hand-shakes : " I should have 
 thought it would occur to you at once." 
 
 Milter, goaded to exasperation : " Did 
 it occur to any of you f " 
 
 Lawton, with sublime impudence : " It 
 occurred to all of us. But we naturally 
 supposed you had tried it." 
 
 Mrs. Miller, taking possession of her 
 husband : " Oh, what a fright you have 
 given us ! " 
 
 Miller ; " I given you 1 Do you sup- 
 
80 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 pose I did it out of a joke, or volni* 
 tarily?" 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Aunty, 1 don t kno 1 * 
 what to say to you. You ought to have 
 been here long ago, before anything hap 
 pened." 
 
 Mrs. Crashaw: "Oh, I can explain 
 everything in due season. What I wish 
 you to do now is to let me get at Willis, 
 and kiss him." As Campbell submits to 
 her embrace : " You dear, good fellow I 
 If it had n t been for your presence of 
 mind, I don t know how we should ever 
 have got out of that horrid pen." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen, giving him her hand . 
 "As it isn t proper for me to kiss 
 you" 
 
 CampbeU: "Well, I don t know. I 
 don t wish to be too modest." 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 81 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "I think I shall have 
 to vote you a service of plate." 
 
 Mrs. Roberts : " Come and look at the 
 pattern of mine. And, Willis, as you are 
 the true hero of the occasion, you shall 
 take me in to dinner. And I am not go 
 ing to let anybody go before you." She 
 seizes his arm, and leads the way from 
 the landing into the apartment. Roberts, 
 Lawton and Bemis follow stragglingly. 
 
 Mrs. Miller, getting her husband to 
 one side: "When she fainted, she 
 fainted at you, of course! What did 
 you do?" 
 
 .M#er:"Who? I? Oh!" After a 
 moment s reflection: "She came to!" 
 
 Curwen, getting his wife aside: 
 " When you fainted, Caroline, who re 
 vived you?" 
 
82 THE ELEVATOR 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "Who? Me? Oh! 
 How should I know? 1 was insensi 
 ble." They wheel arm in arm, and meet 
 Mr. and Mrs. Miller in the middle. 
 Mrs. Curwen yields precedence with 
 an ironical courtesy : " After you, Mrs, 
 Miller!" 
 
 Mrs. Miller, in a nervous, inimical 
 twitter : " Oh, before the heroine of the 
 lost elevator?" 
 
 Mrs. Curwen) dropping her husband s 
 arm, and taking Mrs. Miller s : " Let us 
 split the difference." 
 
 Mrs. Miller: "Delightful! I shall 
 never forget the honor." 
 
 Mrs. Curwen: "Oh, don t speak of 
 honors ! Mr. Miller was so kind through 
 all those terrible scenes in the eleva 
 tor" 
 
THE ELEVATOR. 83 
 
 Mrs. Miller: "I ve no doubt you 
 showed yourself duly grateful." They 
 pass in, followed by their husbands. 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis, timidly: "Miss 
 juawton, in the elevator you asked me 
 not to leave you. Did you -ah 
 mean I must ask you ; it may be my 
 only chance ; if you meant never ? " 
 
 Miss Lawton, dropping her head : " I 
 I don t know." 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis : " But if I wished 
 never to leave you, should you send me 
 away?" 
 
 Miss Xawton, with a shy, sly upward 
 glance at him, " Not in the elevator ! " 
 
 Young Mr. Bemis : " Oh ! " 
 
 Mrs.RobertS) re-appearing at the door: 
 " Why, you good-for-nothing young 
 things, why don t you come to Oh 1 
 
84 THE ELEVATOR. 
 
 excuse me ! " She re-enters precipitately, 
 followed by her tardy guests, on whom 
 she casts a backward glance of sympathy, 
 a Oh, you needn t hurry I " 
 
Plays and Poems 
 
 BY WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS 
 * 
 
 A Counterfeit Presentment. 
 
 Out of the Question. 
 
 The Sleeping-Car, and other Farces. 
 
 The Elevator ; The Sleeping-Car ; The Parlor 
 
 Car; The Register. 
 Room Forty-Five; Bride Roses; An Indian 
 
 Giver; The Smoking-Car. 
 A Sea Change. 
 Poems. 
 
 For Mr. Howelh s navels and books of travel, SEE 
 CATALOGUE. 
 
 Houghton Mifflin Company 
 
 BOSTON AND NEW YORK 
 
14 DAY USE 
 
 RETURN TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED 
 
 LOAN DEPT. 
 
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 Renewed books are subject to immediate recall. 
 
 
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