UC-NRLF THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA GIFT OF Aileen R. Jaffa PIERSON & ROBERTSON, Booksellers a-od SUtione; THE GARROTERS. Jam. "WHY, EDWARD, \YHAT IN THE WORLD IS THE MATTER ?" THE GARROTERS jFarce BY W. D. HOWELLS NEW YORK HARPER & BROTHERS 1886 Copyright) 1883, BY HARPER BROTHERS. Copyright, 1885, BY W. D. HOWELLS. All rights reserved. GIFT THE GARROTERS. (Jam,) I. A T the window of her apartment in Hotel Bellingham, Mrs. Roberts stands looking out into the early night fall. A heavy snow is driving without, and from time to time the rush of the wind and the sweep of the flakes against the panes are heard. At the sound of hurried steps in the anteroom, Mrs. Roberts turns from the window, and runs to the portiere^ through which she puts her head. 000 6 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Roberts : " Is that you, Edward ? So dark here ! We ought really to keep the gas turned up all the time." Mr. Roberts, in a muffled voice, from without: "Yes, it s I." Mrs. Roberts : fi Well, hurry in to the fire, do ! Ugh, what a storm ! Do you suppose anybody will come ? You must be half frozen, you poor thing ! Come quick, or you 11 certainly perish ! " She flies from the portiere to the fire burning on the hearth, pokes it, flings on a log, jumps back, brushes from her dress with a light shriek the sparks driven out upon it, and continues talking incessantly in a voice lifted for her husband to hear in the anteroom. " It was only a spark ! If I d dreamed it was any such storm as this, I should never have let you go out THE GARROTERS. 7 in it in the world. It was n t at all neces sary to have the flowers. I could have got on perfectly well, and I believe now the table would look better without them. The chrysanthemums would have been quite enough ; and I know you Ve taken more cold. I could tell it by your voice as soon as you spoke; and just as quick as they re gone to-night I m going to have you bathe your feet in mustard and hot water, and take eight of aconite, and go straight to bed. And I don t want you to eat very much at dinner, dear, and you must be sure not to drink any coffee, or the aconite won t be of the least use." She turns and encounters her husband, who enters through the portiere, his face pale, his eyes wild, his white necktie pulled out of knot, and his 8 THE GARROTERS. shirt-front rumpled. " Why, Edward, what in the world is the matter ? What has happened ? " JRoberts, sinking into a chair : " Get me a glass of water, Agnes wine whiskey brandy " Mrs. Roberts, bustling wildly about : " Yes, yes. But what Bella ! Brid get ! Maggy ! Oh, 1 9 11 go for it myself, and I won t stop to listen ! Only only don t die ! " While Roberts remains with his eyes shut and his head sunk on his breast in token of extreme ex haustion, she disappears and reappears through the door leading to her cham ber, and then through the portiere cut ting off the dining-room. She finally descends upon her husband with a flagon of cologne in one hand, a small decanter THE GARROTERS. 9 of brandy in the other, and a wine-glass held in the hollow of her arm against her breast. She contrives to set the glass down on the mantel, and fill it from the flagon, then she turns with the decanter in her hand, and while she presses the glass to her husband s lips, begins to pour the brandy on his head. " Here ! this will revive you, "and it 11 refresh you to have this cologne on your head." Roberts, rejecting a mouthful of the cologne with a furious sputter, and springing to his feet : " Why, you ve given me the cologne to drink, Agnes ! What are you about ? Do you want to poison me ? Is n t it enough to be robbed at six o clock on the Common, without having your head soaked in brandy, 10 THE GARROTERS. and your whole system scented up like a barber s shop, when you get home?" Mrs. Roberts : " Eobbed ? " She drops the wine-glass, puts the decanter down on the hearth, and carefully bestowing the flagon, of cologne in the wood-box, abandons herself to justice : " Then let them come for me at once, Edward ! If I could have the heart to send you out in such a night as this for a few wretched rosebuds, I m quite equal to poison ing you. Oh, Edward ! who robbed you ? Roberts : " That s what I don t know/ He continues to wipe his head with his handkerchief, and to sputter a little from time to time. "All I know is that when I got phew ! to that dark spot by the Frog Pond, just by phew ! that THE GARROTERS. 11 little group of phew ! evergreens, you know phew ! " Mrs. Roberts : " Yes, yes ; go on ! I can bear it, Edward." Roberts: " a man brushed heavily against me, and then hurried on in the other direction. I had unbuttoned my coat to look at my watch under the lamp post, and after he struck against me I clapped my hand to my waistcoat, and -phew!" Mrs. Roberts : " Waistcoat ! Yes ! " Roberts: " found my watch gone." Mrs. Roberts: "What! Your watch? The watch Willis gave you? Made out of the gold that he mined himself when he first went out to California ? Don t ask me to believe it, Edward ! But I ra only too glad that you escaped with your 12 THE GARROTERS. life. Let them have the watch and wel come. Oh, my dear, dear husband ! " She approaches him with extended arms, and then suddenly arrests herself. " But you ve got it on ! " Hoberts, with as much returning dig nity as can comport with his dishevelled appearance : " Yes ; I took it from him." At his wife s speechless astonishment : " I went after him and took it from him." He sits down, and continues with resolute calm, while his wife remains standing before him motionless : " Agnes, I don t know how I came to do it. I would n t have believed I could do it. I ve never thought that I had much courage physical courage ; but when I felt my watch was gone, a sort of frenzy came over me. I was n t hurt ; and for THE GARROTERS. 13 the first time in my life I realized what an abominable outrage theft was. The thought that at six o clock in the even ing, in the very heart of a great city like Boston, an inoffensive citizen could be assaulted and robbed, made me furious. I did n t call out. I simply buttoned my coat tight round me and turned and ran after the fellow." Mrs. Roberts : " Edward ! " Roberts: "Yes, I did. He hadn t got half a dozen rods away it all took place in a flash and I could easily run him down. He was considerably larger than I" Mrs. Roberts : "Oh!" Roberts : " and he looked young and very athletic ; but these things did n t seem to make any impression on me." 14 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, I wonder that you live to tell the tale, Edward ! " Roberts: "Well, I wonder a little at myself. I don t set up for a great deal of " Jbfrs. Roberts: "But I always knew you had it! Go on. Oh, when I tell Willis of this ! Had the robber any ac complices ? Were there many of them ? " Roberts : " I only saw one. And I saw that my only chance was to take him at a disadvantage. I sprang upon him, and pulled him over on his back. I merely said, I ll trouble you for that watch of mine, if you please, jerked open his coat, snatched the watch from his pocket I broke the chain, I see and then left him and ran again. He did n t make the slightest resistance, nor THE GARROTERS. 15 utter a word. Of course it would n t do for him to mnke any noise about it, and I dare say he was glad to get off so easily." With affected nonchalance : " I m pretty badly rumpled, I see. He fell against me, and a scuffle like that O does n t improve one s appearance." Mrs. Jtoberts, very solemnly : " Ed ward ! I don t know what to say ! Of course it makes my blood run cold to realize what youVe been through, and to think what might have happened ; but I think you behaved splendidly* Why, I never heard of such perfect heroism ! You need n t tell me that he made no resistance. There was a deadly struggle your necktie and everything about you shows it. And you need n t think there was only one of them " 16 THE CARROT ERS. Roberts, modestly: "I don t believe there were more." Mrs. Roberts: " Nonsense! There are always two ! I ve read the accounts of those garrotings. And to think you not only got out of their clutches alive, but got your property back Willis s watch ! Oh, what will Willis say ? But I know how proud of you he 11 be. Oh, I wish I could scream it from the house tops. Why did n t you call the police ? " Roberts : " I did n t think I had n t time to think." Mrs. Roberts : " No matter. I m glad you have all the glory of it. I don t believe you half realize what you ve been through now. And perhaps this was the robbers first attempt, and it will be a lesson to them. Oh yes ! I in THE . GARRO TERS. \ 7 glad you let them escape, Edward. They may have families. If every one be haved as you ve done, there would soon be an end of garroting. But, oh ! I can t bear to think of the danger you ve run. And I want you to promise mo never, never to undertake such a thing again ! " Roberts: "Well, I don t know " Mrs. Roberts : " Yes, yes ; you must ! Suppose you had got killed in that aw ful struggle with those reckless wretches tugging to get away from you f Think of the children ! Why, you might have burst a blood-vessel ! Will you promise, Edward ? Promise this instant, on your bended knees, just as if you were in a court of justice ! " Mrs. Roberta s ex citement mounts, and she flings herself 18 THE GARROTERS. at her husband s feet, and pulls his face down to hers with the arm she has thrown about his neck. "Will you promise ? " Mrs. Crashaw, entering unobserved : " Promise you what, Agnes ? The man does n t smoke now. What more can you ask ? * She starts back from the spectacle of Roberta s disordered dress. " Why, what s happened to you, Edward ? " Mrs. Roberts^ springing to her feet : " Oh, you may well ask that, Aunt Mary ! Happened ? You ought to fall down and worship him ! And you will when you know what he s been through. He s been robbed ! " Mrs. Crashaw : " Robbed ? What non sense ! Who robbed him ? Where was he robbed?" THE GARROTERS. 19 Mrs. Roberts : " He was attacked by two garroters " Roberts : " No, no " Mrs. Roberts : " Don t speak, Edward ! I know there were two. On the Common. Not half an hour ago. As he was going to get me some rosebuds. In the midst of this terrible storm." Mrs. Crashaw : "Is this true, Edward?" Mrs. Roberts: Don t answer, Edward ! One of the band threw his arm round Edward s neck so." She illustrates by garroting Mrs. Crashaw, w T ho disengages herself with difficulty. Mrs. Crashaw: " Mercy, child! What are you doing to my lace ? " Mrs. Jftoberts : " And the other one snatched his watch, and ran as fast as he could." 20 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Crashaw : " Willis s watch ? Why, he s got it on." Mrs. Roberts, with proud delight : " Exactly what I said when he told me." Then, very solemnly : " And do you know why he s got it on ? Sh, Ed- ward ! I will tell ! Because he ran after them and took it back again." Mrs. Crashaw : " Why, they might have killed him ! " Mrs. Roberts: " Of course they might. But Edward did n t care. The idea of being robbed at six o clock on the Com* mon made him so furious that he scorned to cry out for help, or call the police, or anything ; but he just ran after them Roberts: "Agnes! Agnes! There was only one." Mrs. Roberts: " Nonsense, Edward! THE GARROTERS. 21 How could you tell, so excited as you were? And caught hold of the largest of o o the wretches a perfect young giant Roberts : "No, no; not a giant, my dear." Mrs. Roberts : " Well, he was young, anyway \ And flung him on the ground." She advances upon Mrs. Cra- shaw in her enthusiasm. Mrs. Orashaw : "Don t you fling me on the ground, Agnes ! I won t have it." Mrs. Roberts : " And tore his coat open, while all the rest were tugging at him, and snatched his watch, and then and then just walked coolly away." Roberts : " lS r o, my dear ; I ran as fast as I could." Mrs. Roberts : "Well, ran. It 7 s quite 22 THE GARROTRRS. the same thing, and I m just as proud of you as if you had walked. Of course you were not going to throw your life away." Mrs. Crashaw : " I think he did a very silly thing in going after them at all." Roberts : " Why, of course, if I d thought twice about it, I should n t have done it." Mrs. Roberts: "Of course you would n t, dear ! And that s what I want him to promise. Aunt Mary : never to do it again, no matter how much he s pro voked. I want him to promise it right here in your presence, Aunt Mary ! " Mrs. Crashaw: "I think it s much more important he should put on an other collar and shirt, if he 9 s going to see company." THE GARROTERS. 23 Mrs. Roberts : " Yes : go right off at once, Edward. How you do think of tilings, Aunt Mary ! I really suppose I should have gone on all night and never noticed his looks. Run, Edward, and do it, dear. But kiss me first! Oh, it don t seem as if you could be alive and well after it all ! Are you sure you re not hurt ?" Roberts, embracing her : "No ; I m all right." Mrs. Roberts : " And you re not in jured internally ? Sometimes they re injured internally aren t they, Aunt Mary? and it does n t show till months afterward. Are you sure ? " Roberts, making a cursory examina tion of his ribs with his hands : " Yes, I think so." 24 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Roberts : " And you don t feel any bad effects from the cologne, now f Just think, Aunt Mary, I gave him co logne to drink, and poured the brandy on his head, when lie came in ! And if I ve poisoned him I in quite willing to die for it. Oh, quite ! I would gladly take the blame of it before the whole world." Mrs. Crashaw : "Well, for pity s sake, let the man go and make himself decent. ^ \/ There s your bell, now." Mrs. Roberts : " Yes, do go, Edward. But kiss rne " Mrs. Crashaw : <k He did kiss you, Agnes. Don t be a simpleton ! " Mrs. Roberts : " Did he ? Well, kiss me again, then, Edward. And now do go, dear. M-m-m-m." The inarticulate THE GARROTERS. 25 endearments represented by these signs terminate in a wild embrace, protracted half-way across the room, in the height of which Mr. Willis Campbell enters. Willis, pausing in contemplation : "Hello! What s the matter? What s she trying to get out of you, Rob erts? Don t you do it, anyway, old fellow." Mrs. Roberts, in an ecstasy of satisfac tion: "Willis! Oh, you ve come in time to see him just as he is. Look at him, Willis ! " In the excess of her emotion she twitches her husband about, and with his arm fast m her clutch, presents him in the disadvantageous effect of having just been taken into custody. Under these circumstances Roberts s attempt at an expression of diffident heroism fails ; 26 THE CARROT ERS. lie looks sneaking, be looks guilty, and his eyes fall under the astonished regard of his brother-in-law. Willis : " What s the matter with him ? What s he been doing ? " Mrs. Roberts : Sh, Edward ! What s he been doing? What does he look as o if he had been doing ? " Mrs. Crashaw : " Agnes " Willis : " He looks as if he had been signing the pledge. And he smells like it." Mrs. Roberts : " For shame, Willis ! I should think you d sink through the floor. Edward, not a word! I am ashamed of him, if he is my brother." Willis: " Why, what in the world s up, Agnes ? " Mrs. Roberts: "Up? He s been THE GARROTERS. 27 robbed f robbed on the Common, not five minutes ago ! A whole gang of gar- roters surrounded him under the Old Elm or just where it used to be and took his watch away! And he ran after them, and knocked the largest of the gang down, and took it back again. He wasn t hurt, but we re afraid he s been injured internally; he may be bleeding internally, now Oh, do you think he is, Willis? Don t you think we ought to send for a physician? That, and the cologne I gave him to drink. It s the brandy I poured on his head makes him smell so. And he all so exhausted he could n t speak, and I did n t know what I was doing, either ; but he s promised oh yes, he s promised ! never, never to do it again." She again 28 THE GARROTERS. flings her arms about her husband, and then turns proudly to her brother. Willis : " Do you know what it means, Aunt Mary ? " Mrs. Crashaw : " Not in the least ! But I ve no doubt that Edward can ex plain, after he s changed his linen " Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, yes, do go, Ed ward ! Not but what I should be proud and happy to have you appear just as you are before the whole world, if it was only to put Willis down with his jokes about your absent-mindedness, and his boasts about those California desperadoes of his," Roberts : " Come, come, Agnes t I must protest against your " Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, I know it does n t become me to praise your courage, dar- THE GARROTERS. 29 ling ! But I should like to know what Willis would have done, with all his California experience, if a garroter had taken his watch ? " Willis : " I should have let him keep it, and pay five dollars a quarter himself for getting it cleaned and spoiled. Any body but a literary man would. How many of them were there, Roberts ? " Roberts : " I only saw one." Mrs. Roberts : " But of course there were more. How could he tell, in the dark and excitement ? And the one he did see was a perfect giant ; so you can imagine what the rest must have been like." Willis : " Did yon really knock him down ? " Mrs. Roberts : " Knock him down ? Of course he did." 30 THE GARROTRRS. Mrs. Crashaw : "Agnes, will you liold your tongue, and let the men alone?" Mrs. Roberts, whimpering : " I can t, Aunt Mary. And you could n t, if it was yours." Roberts : " I pulled him over back wards." Mrs. Roberts: There, Willis ! " Willis : " And grabbed your watch from him ? " Roberts: " I was in quite a frenzy; I really hardly knew what I was doing " Mrs. Roberts: "And he didn t call for the police, or anything " Willis : u Ah, that showed presence of mind ! He knew it would n t have been any use." Mrs. Roberts : " And when he had got his watch away from them, he just let THE GARROTERS. 31 them go, because they had families de pendent on them." Willis : " I should have let them go in the first place ; but you behaved hand somely in the end, Roberts, there s no denying that. And when you came in she gave you cologne to drink, and poured brandy on your head. It must have revived you. I should think it would wake the dead." JMrs. Roberts : " I was all excitement, Willis " Willis: "No, I should think from the fact that you had set the decanter here on the hearth, and put your cologne into the wood-box, you were perfectly calm, Agnes." He takes them up and hands them to her. " Quite as calm as usual." The door-bell rings. 32 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Crashaw : " Willis, will you let that ridiculous man go away and make himself presentable before people begin to come ? " yfFhe bell rings violently, ^j^ peal upon peal. Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, my goodness, what s that ? It s the garroters I know it is ; and we shall all be murdered in our beds ! " Mrs. Crashaw : " What in the world can it " Willis: "Why don t your girl an swer the bell, Agnes? Or I ll go, my- ^t^self." The bell rings violently again. Mrs. Roberts: "JVfy Willis, you sha n t ! Don t leave me, Edward ! Aunt Mary ! Oh, if we must die, let us all die together ! Oh, my poor children ! Ugh! What s that?" Tire - THE GARROTERS. 33 maid opens the outer door, and uttering a shriek,- cashes in-through ihe dmwig- roorn portiere. Bella, the Maid : " ^^^ui Mrs. Eoberts,-it s Mr. Bemra ! " Mrs. Roberts : " WhidrMfskmre ? " Roberts: " What ? o i tbo matter with s. Crashaw : "Why doesn t she Willis : "Has Ae been garroting some body too?" Mr. Bemis, appearing through the portiere: "I I beg your pardon, Mrs. Roberts. I ought n t to present myself in tbis state I But I thought I d better stop on my way home and report, so that my son need n t be alarmed at my absence when he comes. I " He 34 THE GARROTERS. stops, exhausted, and regards the others with a wild stare, while they stand tak ing note of his disordered coat, his torn vest, and his tumbled hat. "I ve just been robbed " Mrs. Roberts : Robbed ? Why, Ed ward has been robbed too." jBemis: " coming through the Com mon " Mrs. Roberts : " Yes, Edward \vs coming through the Common." o o Bern is : " of my watch Mrs. Roberts, in rapturous admiration of the coincidence : " Oh, and it was Ed ward s watch they took ! " Willis : " It s a parallel case, Agnes. Pour him out a glass of cologne to drink, and rub his head with brandy. And you might let him sit down and "TVK JUST HKKX ROKKKI) ! " THE GARROTERS. 35 rest while you re enjoying the excite ment." Mrs. Roberts, in hospitable remorse : " Oh, what am I thinking of ! Here, Edward or no, you re too weak, you must n t. Willis, you help me to help him to the sofa." Mrs. Crashaw : " I think you VI better help him off with his overcoat and his arctics." To the maid : " Here, Bella, if you have n t quite taken leave of your wits, undo his shoes." Roberts: "I "II help him off with his coat " Bemis : " Careful ! careful ! I may be injured internally." Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, if you only were, Mr. Bemis, perhaps I could persuade Edward that he was too : I Jcnovi he is. 36 THE GARROTERS. Edward, don t exert yourself! Aunt Mary, will you stop him, or do you all wish to see me go distracted here before your eyes ? " Willis, examining the overcoat which Roberts has removed : " Well, you won t have much trouble buttoning and unbut toning this coat for the present." Mr. Jlemis : " They tore it open, and tore my watch from my vest pocket " Willis, looking at the vest : " I see. Pretty lively work. Were there many of them?" Bemis : " There must have been two, at least " Mrs. ^Roberts: "There were half a dozen in the gang that attacked Edward." Bemis : " One of them pulled rne vio lently over on my back " THE GARROTERS. 37 Mrs. Roberts : " Edward s put his arm round his neck and choked him." Mrs. Crashaw : " Agnes ! " Mrs. Roberts : " I know he did, Aunt Mary." J3emis : " And the other tore my watch out of my pocket." Mrs. Roberts : " JEdwarcTs " Mrs. Crashaw: " Agnes, I m thor oughly ashamed of you. Will you stop interrupting ? " Semis: "And left me lying in the snow." Mrs. Roberts: " And then he ran after them, and snatched his watch away again in spite of them all ; and he did n t call for the police, or anything, because it was their first offence, and he could n t bear to think of their suffering families." 38 THE GARROTERS. J3emis, with a stare of profound aston ishment: "Who?" Mrs. Roberts : " Edward. Did n t I say Edward, all the time?" Bemis : " I thought you meant me. I did n t think of pursuing them ; but you may be very sure that if there had been a policeman within call of course there wasn t one within cannon-shot I should have handed the scoundrels over without the slightest remorse." Roberts : " Oh ! " He sinks into a chair with a slight groan. Willis: "What is it?" Roberts : " J Sh ! Don t say anything. But stay here. I want to speak with you, Willis." Bemis, with mounting wrath : " I should not have hesitated an instant to THE GARROTERS. 39 give the rascal in charge, no matter who O ~ was dependent upon him no matter if he were my clearest friend, my own brother." Roberts, under his breath : " Gracious powers ! 5 IZemis: " And while I am very sorry to disagree with Mr. Roberts, I can t help feeling that he made a great mis take in allowing the ruffians to escape." Mrs. Crashaiv, with severity : " I think you are quite right, Mr. Bernis." JBemis : " Probably it was the same gang attacked us both. After escap ing from Mr. Roberts they fell upon me." Mrs. Or as haw : " I have n t a doubt of it," Roberts, sotto voce to his brother-in- 40 THE GARROTERS. law : " I think I 11 ask you to go with me to my room, Willis. Don t alarm Agnes, please. I I feel quite faint." Mrs. Roberts, crest-fallen : " I can t feel that Edward was to blame. Ed Oh, I suppose he s gone off to make himself presentable. But Willis - Where s Willis, Aunt Mary ? " Mrs. Crashaw : " Probably gone with him to help him." Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, he saw how un strung poor Edward was ! Mr. Bemis, I think you re quite prejudiced. How could Edward help their escaping? I think it was quite enough for him, single-handed, to get his watch back." A ring at the door, and then a number of voices in the anteroom. "I do believe they re all there ! I 11 just run THE GARROTERS. 41 out and prepare your son. He would be dreadfully shocked if he came right in upon you." She runs into the ante room, and is heard without : " Oh, Dr. Lawton ! Oh, Lou, dear ! OA, Mr. Bemis ! How can I ever tell you ? Your poor father ! No, no, I can t tell you! You mustn t ask me! It s too hideous ! And you would n t believe me if I did." Chorus of anguished voices : " What? what? what?" Mrs. Roberts : " They ve been robbed ! Garroted on the Common ! And, oA, Dr. Lawton, I m so glad you ve come ! They re both injured internally, but I wish you d look at Edward first." Bemis : " Good heavens ! Is that Mrs. Roberta s idea of preparing my 42 THE GARROTERS. son ? And his poor young wife ! " He addresses his demand to Mrs. Cra- shaw, who lifts the hands of impotent despair. II. Ix Mr. Roberta s dressing-room, that gentleman is discovered tragically con fronting Mr. Willis Campbell, with a watch uplifted in either hand. Willis : Well ? " Roberts, gasping : " My my watch ! " Willis : " Yes. How conies there to be two of it ? " Roberts : " Don t you understand ? When I went out I did n t take my watch with me. I left it here on my bureau." Willis: "Well?" 44 THE GARROTERS. Roberts : " Oh, merciful heavens ! don t you see ? Then I could n t have been robbed ! " Willis : " Well, but whose watch did you take from the fellow that did ri t rob you, then ? " Roberts : " His own ! " He abandons himself powerlessly upon a chair. " Yes : I left my own watcli here, and when that person brushed against me in the Common, I missed it for the first time. I supposed he had robbed me, and ran after him, and " Willis : " Robbed him ! " Roberts: "Yes." Willis: "Ah, ha, ha, ha! I, hi, hi, hi! O, ho, ho, ho!" He yields to a series of these gusts and paroxysms, bowing up and down, and stamping to THE GARROTERS. 45 and fro, and finally sits down exhausted, and wipes the tears from bis cheeks. " Really, this thing will kill me. What are you going to do about it, Roberts ? " Roberts, with profound dejection and abysmal solemnity : " I don t know, Willis, Don t you see that it must have been that I must have robbed Mr. Bemis ? " Willis : " Bemis ! " After a moment for tasting the fact. " Why, so it was ! Oh, Lord ! oh, Lord ! And was poor old Bemis that burly ruffian ? that blood thirsty gang of giants ? that that oh, Lord ! oh, Lord ! " He bows his head upon his chair-back in complete exhaustion, demanding, feebly, as he gets breath for the successive questions, " What are you going to d-o-o-o ? What 46 THE CARROT ERS. shall you s-a-a-a-y ? How can you ex- pla-a-ain it ? " Roberts: "I can do nothing. I can say nothing. I can never explain it. I must go to Mr. Bernis and make a clean breast of it ; but think of the absurdity the ridicule ! " WilliS) after a thoughtful silence : " Oh, it is n t that you Ve got to think of. You ve got to think of the old gentleman s sense of injury and outrage. Didn t you hear what he said that he would have handed over his dearest friend, his own brother, to the police ? " Rober v : "But that was in the sup position that his dearest friend, his own brother, had intentionally robbed him. You can t imagine, Willis " Willis: "Oh, I can imagine a great THE GARROTERS. 47 many things. It s all well enough for you to say that the robbery was a mis take ; but it was a genuine case of gar- roting, as far as the assault and taking the watch go. He s a very pudgicky old gentleman." Roberts: "He is!" Willis : " And I don t see how you re going to satisfy him that it was all a joke. Joke ? It was n t a joke ! It was a real assault and a bona fide robbery, and Bemis can prove it." Roberts: "But he would never in sist " Willis : " Oh, I don t know about that. He s pretty queer, Bemis is. You can t say what an old gentleman like that will or won t do. If he should choose to carry it into court 48 THE GARROTERS. Roberts: "Court!" Willis : " it might be embarrassing. And anyway it would have a very strange look in the papers." Roberts : " The papers ! Good gra cious ! " Willis : " Ten years from now, a man that heard you mentioned would forget all about the acquittal, and say : Rob erts? Oh yes! Wasn t he the one they sent to the House of Correction for garroting an old friend of his on the Common ? You see it would n t do to go and make a clean breast of it to Bemis." Roberts : il I see." Willis : " What will you do ? " Roberts: "I must never say anything to him about it. Just let it go." THE GARROTERS. 49 Willis : " And keep his watch ? I don t see how you could manage that. What would you do with the watch? You might sell it, of course " Roberts : " Oh no ; I couldn t do that." Willis : " You might give it away to some deserving person ; but if it got him into trouble Roberts : " No, no ; that would n t do, either." Willis : " And you can t have it lying around ; Agnes would be sure to find it, sooner or later." Roberts :. Yes." Willis : " Besides, there s your con science. Your conscience would n t let you keep Bemis s watch away from him. And if it would, what do you suppose Agnes s conscience would do when she 50 THE GARROTERS. came to find it out ? Agnes has n t got much of a head the want of it seems to grow upon her \ but she s got a con science as big as the side of a house." Roberts : " Oh, I see, I see." Willis, coming up, and standing over him, with his hands in his pockets : " I tell you what, Roberts, you re in a box." Roberts, abjectly : " I know it, Willis ; I know it. What do you suggest ? You must know some way out of it." Willis : " It is n t a simple matter like telling them to start the elevator down when they could n t start her up. I Ve got to think it over." He walks to and fro, Roberts s eyes helplessly following his movements. " How would it do to No, that would n t do, either." THE GARROTERS. 51 Roberts : " What would n t ? " Willis : " Nothing. I was just think ing I say, you might Or, no, you could n t." Roberts : " Could n t what ? " "Willis : " Nothing. But if you were to No ; up a stump that way too." Roberts: "Which way? For mercy s sake, my dear fellow, don t seem to get a clew if you have n t it. It s more than I can bear." He rises and desperately confronts Willis in his promenade. " If you see any hope at all " Willis, stopping : " Why, if you were a different sort of fellow, Roberts, the thing would be perfectly easy." Roberts : " Very well, then. What sort of fellow do you want me to be? I 11 be any sort of fellow you like." 52 THE GARROTERS. Willis : " Oh, but you could n t ! With that face of yours, and that confounded conscience of yours behind it, you would give away the whitest lie that was ever told." ^Roberts : " Do you wish me to lie ? Very well, then, I will lie. What is the lie ? " Willis : " Ah, now you re talking like a man ! I can soon think up a lie, if you re game for it. Suppose it wasn t so very white ? Say a delicate blond ?" Roberts : " I should n t care if it were as black as the ace of spades." Willis: "Roberts, I honor you! It is n t everybody who could steal an old gentleman s watch, and then be so ready to lie out of it. Well, yon have got cour age both kinds moral and physical. " THE GARROTERS. 53 Roberts: "Thank you, Willis. Of course I don t pretend that I should be willing to lie, under ordinary circum stances. But for the sake of Agnes and the children I don t want any awk wardness about the matter ; it would be the death of me. Well, what do you wish me to say ? Be quick ; I don t believe I could hold out for a great while. I don t suppose but what Mr. Bemis would be reasonable even if I " Willis : " I m afraid we could n t trust him. The only way is for you to take the bull by the horns." Roberts: "Yes?" Willis : (( You will not only have to lie, Roberts, but you will have to wear an air of innocent candor at the same time." 54 THE GARROTERS. Roberts : "I I in afraid I could n t manage that. What is your idea ? " Willis : " Oh, just come into the room with a laugh, when we go back, and say in an off-hand way: <By-the-way, Agnes, Willis and I made a remarkable discovery in my dressing-room. We found my watch there on the bureau. Ha, ha, ha ! Do you think you could doit?" Roberts: " I I don t know." Witt-is : " Try the laugh now." Roberts : " I M rather not now." Willis : "Well, try it, anyway." Roberts: "Ha! ha! ha!" Willis : " Once more." Roberts: "Ha! ha! ha!" Willis : " Pretty ghastly. But I guess you can come it." THE GARROTERS. 55 Roberts : " I 11 try. And then what ? " Willis: "And then you say : I had n t put it on when I went out, and when I got after that fellow and took it back, I was simply getting somebody else s watch. Then you hold out both watches to her, and laugh again. Everybody laughs, and crowds round you to ex amine the watches, and you make fun and crack jokes at your own expense all the time, and pretty soon old Bemis says : Why, this is my watch, now ! and you laugh more than ever Roberts : " I m afraid I could n t laugh when he said that. I don t believe I could laugh. It would make my blood run cold." Willis : " Oh no, it would n t. You d be in the spirit of it by that time." 56 THE GARROTERS. Roberts : " Do you think so ? Well ? " Willis : " And then you say : Well, this is the most remarkable coincidence I ever heard of. I did n t get my own watch from the fellow, but I got yours, Mr. Bemis, and then you hand it over to him, and say, i Sorry I had to break the chain in getting it from him, and then everybody laughs again, and and that ends it." JRoberts, with a profound sigh : " Do you think that would end it?" Willis: "Why, certainly. It ll put old Bemis in the wrong, don t you see? It ll show that instead of letting the fellow escape to go and rob him, you attacked him and took Bemis s property back from him yourself. Bemis would n t have a word to say. All you ve got THE GARROTERS. f)7 to do is to keep up a light, confident manner." Roberts : " But what if it should n t put Bemis in the wrong? What if he should n t say or do anything that we ve counted upon, but something altogether different?" Willis: "Well, then, you must trust to inspiration, and adapt yourself to cir cumstances." Roberts : " Would n t it be rather more of a joke to come out with the facts at once?" Willis : " On you it would. And a year from now say next Christmas you could get the laugh on Bemis, that way. But if you were to risk it now, there s no telling how he d take it. He s so indignant he might insist upon 58 THE GARROTERS. leaving the house. But with this plan of mine " Roberts, in despair : " I could n t, Willis. I don t feel light, and I don t feel confident ; and I could n t act it. If it were a simple lie " Willis : " Oh, lies are never simple. They require the exercise of all your in genuity. If you want something simple, you must stick to the truth, and throw yourself on Bemis s mercy." Roberts, walking up and down in great distress : " I can t do it ; I can t do it. It s very kind of you to think it all out for me ; but " struck by a sudden idea " Willis, why should n t you do it?" Willis: "I?" Roberts: "You re good at those THE GARROTERS. 59 things. You have so much aplomb, you know. You could carry it off, you know, first-rate." Willis, as if finding a certain fasci nation in the idea : " Well, I don t know" Roberts : " And I could chime in on the laugh. I think I could do that, if somebody else was doing the rest." Willis, after a moment of silent reflec tion : "I should like to do it. I should like to see how old Bemis would look when I played it on him. Roberts! I will do it. Not a word ! I should like to do it. Now you go on and hurry up your toilet, old fellow ; you need n t mind me here. I 11 be rehears ing." Mrs. Roberts, knocking at the door, 60 THE CARROT ERS. outside: "Edward, are you never corn- ing?" Roberts : " Yes, yes ; I 11 be there in a minute, my dear." Willis: " Yes, he 11 be there. Run along back, and keep it going till we come. Roberts, I would n t take a thou sand dollars for this chance." Roberts : " I m glad you like it." Willis: "Like it? Of course I do. Or, no ! Hold on ! Walt ! It won t do! No; you must take the leading part, and I ll support you, and I ll come in strong if you break down. That s the way we have got to work it. You must make the start." Roberts : " Could n t you make it bet ter, Willis ? It s your idea." Willis : " No ; they d be sure to THE GARROTERS. 61 suspect me, and they can t suspect you of anything you Ve so innocent. The illusion will be complete ! " Roberts, very doubtfully : " Do you think so ? " Willis: "Yes. Hurry up. Let me unbutton that collar for you." III. MRS. ROBERTS, surrounded by her guests, and confronting- from her sofa Mr. Bemis, who still remains sunken in his arm-chair, has apparently closed an exhaustive recital of the events which have ended in his presence there. She looks round with a mixed air of self- denial and self-satisfaction to read the admiration of her listeners in their sym pathetic countenances. Mrs. Roberts: " Wasn t it awful ?" Dr. Lawton, with an ironical sigh of profound impression : " Well, Mrs. Rob erts, you are certainly the most lavishly THE GARROTERS. 63 hospitable of hostesses. Every one knows what delightful dinners you give ; but these little dramatic episodes which you offer your guests, by way of appe tizer, are certainly unique. Last year an elevator stuck in the shaft with half the company in it, and this year a high way robbery, its daring punishment and its reckless repetition what the news papers will call C A Triple Mystery when it gets to them and both victims among our commensals ! Really, I don t know what more we could ask of you, unless it were the foot-padded foot-pad himself as a commensal. If this sort of thing should become de rigueur in society generally, I don t know what s to become of people who have n t your invention." 64 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, it s all very well to make fun, now, Dr. Lawton ; but if you had been here when they first came in " Young Mrs. Semis: "Yes, indeed, I th nk so too, Mrs. Roberts. If Mr. Be- mis Alfred, I mean and papa had n t been with me when you came out there to prepare us, I don t know what I should have done. I should certainly have died, or gone through the floor." She looks fondly tip into the face of her husband for approval, where he stands behind her chair, and furtively gives him her hand for pressure. Young Mr. JBemis : " Somebody ought to write to the Curwens Mrs. Curwen, that is about it." Mrs. Bemis, taking away her hand : " Oh, yes, papa, do write 1 " "SHE LOOKS FONDLY UP INTO THE FACE OF HER HUSBAND FOR APPROVAL." THE GARROTERS. 65 Lawton: "I will, my dear. Even Mrs. Curwen, dazzling away in another sphere hemisphere and surrounded by cardinals and all the other celestial lights there at Home, will be proud to exploit this new evidence of American enterprise. I can fancy the effect she will produce with it." Mrs. Roberts: "And the Millers what a shame they could n t come ! How excited they would have been ! that is, Mrs. Miller. Is their baby very bad, Doctor?" Lawton : " Well, vaccination is always a very serious thing with a first child. I should say, from the way Mrs. Miller feels about it, that Miller would n t be able to be out for a week to come yet." 66 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Roberts: " Oh, how ridiculous you are, Doctor ! " Bemis, rising feebly from his chair : " Well, now that it s all explained, Mrs. Roberts, I think I d better go home ; and if you 11 kindly have them telephone for a carriage " Mrs. Roberts: " Jfo, indeed, Mr. Be- mis ! We shall not let you go. Why, the idea! You must stay and take dinner with us, just the same." JBemis : " But in this state " Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, never mind the state. You look perfectly well; and if you insist upon going I shall know that you bear a grudge against Edward for not arresting him. Wait! We can put you in perfect order in just a second." She flies out of the room, and then comes THE GARROTERS. 67 swooping back with a needle and thread, a fresh white necktie, a handkerchief, and a hair-brush. " There ! I can t let you go to Edward s dressing-room, be cause he *s there himself, and the children are in mine, and we ve had to put the new maid in the guest-chamber you are rather cramped in flats, that s true ; that s the worst of them but if you don t mind having your toilet made in public, like the King of France " Jlemis, entering into the spirit of it : " Not the least, but " He laughs, and drops back into his chair. Mrs. Roberts, distributing the brush to young Mr. Bemis, and the tie to his wife, and dropping upon her knees be fore Mr. Bemis : " Now, Mrs. Lou, you just whip oif that crumpled tie and whip 68 THE GARROTERS. on the fresh one, and, Mister Lou, you give his hair a touch, and I ll have this torn button-hole mended before you can think." She seizes it and begins to sew vigorously upon it. Mrs. Crashaw : u Agnes, you are the most ridiculously sensible woman in the country." Lawton, standing before the group, with his arms folded and his feet well apart, in an attitude of easy admiration : "The Wounded Adonis, attended by the Loves and Graces. Familiar Pom- peiian fresco." Mrs. Roberts, looking around at him : " I don t see a great many Loves." Lawton : " She ignores us, Mrs. Cra shaw. And after what you ve just said!" THE GARROTERS. 69 Mrs. Roberts : " Then why don t you do something?" Lawton : " The Loves never do any thing in frescos. They stand round and sympathize. Besides, we are waiting to administer an anesthetic. But what I admire in this subject even more than the activity of the Graces is the serene dignity of the Adonis. I have seen my old friend in many trying positions, but I never realized till now all the simper ing absurdity, the flattered silliness, the senile coquettisimess, of which his be nign countenance was capable." Mrs. Roberts : " Don t mind him a bit, Mr. Bemis ; it s nothing but " Lawton : " Pure envy. I own it." jBemis : " All right, Lawton. Wait till " 70 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Itoberts, making a final stitch, snapping off the thread, and springing to her feet, all in one : " There ! Have you finished, Mr. and Mrs. Lou ? Well, then, take this lace handkerchief, and draw it down from his neck and pin it in his waistcoat, and you have " JLawton, as Mr. Bemis rises to his feet : "A Gentleman of the Old School. Bemis, you look like a miniature of your self by Malbone. Rather flattered, but recognizable." JBemis, with perfectly recovered gay- ety : " Go on, go on, Lawton. I can understand your envy. I can pity it." Lawton : " Could you forgive Roberts for not capturing the garroter ? " Bemis : " Yes, I could. I could give the garroter his liberty, and present him THE GARROTERS. 71 with an admission to the Provident Wood-yard, where he could earn an honest living for his family." Lawton, compassionately : " You are pretty far gone, Bemis. Really, I think somebody ought to go for Roberts." Mrs. Roberts, innocently : " Yes, in. deed ! Why, what in the world can be keeping him ? " A nursemaid enters and beckons Mrs. Roberts to the door with a glance. She runs to her ; they whisper; and then Mrs. Roberts, over her shoulder : " That ridiculous great boy of mine says he can t go to sleep unless I come and kiss him good-night." Lawton : " Which ridiculous great boy, I wonder ? Roberts, or Camp bell ? But I did n t know they had gone to bed ! " 72 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Bemis : " You re too bad, papa ! You know it s little Neddy." Mrs. Roberts, vanishing : " Oh, I don t mind his nonsense, Lou. I ll fetch them both back with me." Lawton, after making a melodramatic search for concealed listeners at the doors : " Now, friends, I have a revela tion to make in Mrs. Roberts s absence. I have found out the garroter the assassin." All the others : What ! " Lawton : " He has been secured " Mrs. Crashaw, severely : " Well, I m very glad of it." Young Bemis : " By the police ? " Mrs. HemiSj incredulously : " Papa ! " JBemis : " But there were several of them. Have they all been arrested ? " THE GARROTERS. 73 Lawton : " There was only one, and none of him has been arrested." Mrs. Crashaw : " Where is he, then ? " Lawton : " In this house." Mrs. Crashaw: "Now, Dr. Lawton, you and I are old friends I should n t like to say how old ; but if you don t instantly be serious, I I 11 carry my rheumatism to somebody else." Lawton : " My dear Mrs. Crashaw, you know how much I prize that rheu matism of yours ! I will be serious I will be only too serious. The garroter is Mr. Roberts himself." All, horror-struck : " Oh ! " Lawton : " He went out without his watch. Pie thought he was robbed, but he was n t. He ran after the supposed thief, our poor friend Bemis here, and 74 THE GARROTERS, took Bemis s watch away, and brought it home for his own." Young Bemis : " Yes, but " Mrs. Bemis : " But, papa " Bemis: u How do you know it? I can see how such a thing might happen, but how do you know it did?" Lawton : " I divined it." JUrs. Crashaw : " Nonsense ! " Lawton : " Very well, then ; I read of just such a case in the Advertiser a year ago. It occurs annually in the newspapers. And I ll tell you what, Mrs. Crashaw Roberts found out his mistake as soon as he went to his dress ing-room ; and that ingenious nephew of yours, who s closeted with him there, has been trying to put him up to some thing to some game." THE GARROTERS. 75 Mrs. Crashaw : u Willis has too much sense. He would know that Edward could n t cany out any sort of game." Lawton : u Well, then, he s getting Roberts to let him carry out the game." Mrs. Crashaw : " Edward could n t do that, either." Lawton: "Very well, then, just wait till they come back. Will you leave me to deal with Campbell?" Mrs. Crashaw : " What are you going to do?" Young Semis : " You must n t forget that he got us out of the elevator, sir." Mrs. Bemis : " We might have been there yet if it had n t been for him, papa." Mrs. Crashaw: "I shouldn t want Willis mortified." 76 THE GARROTERS. Hemis : " Nor Mr. Roberts annoyed. We re fellow-sufferers in this business." Lawton : " Oh, leave it to me, leave it to me ! I 11 spare their feelings. Don t be afraid. Ah, there they come ! Now don t say anything. I 11 just step into the anteroom here." JRoberts, entering the room before Campbell, and shaking hands with his guests: "Ah, Mr. Bemis; Mrs. Bemis; Aunt Mary ! You ve heard of our comi cal little coincidence our Mr. Bemis and my He halts, confused, and looks around for the moral support of Willis, who follows hilariously. Willis: "Greatest joke on record! But I won t spoil it for you, Roberts. Go on ! " In a low voice to Roberts : " And don t look so confoundedly down THE GARROTERS. 77 in the mouth. They won t think it s a joke at all." Roberts, with galvanic lightness : "Yes, yes such a joke! Well, you see you see Mrs. CmsTiaw: " See what, Edward? Do get it out ! " Willis, jollily : " Ah, ha, ha ! " Roberts, lugubriously : " Ah, ha, ha ! " Mrs. Bemis : " How funny ! Ha, ha, ha!" Young Mr. Bemis : " Capital ! cap ital ! " Mr. Bemis : " Excellent ! " Willis : " Go on, Roberts, do ! or I shall die ! Ah, ha, ha ! " Roberts, in a low voice of consterna tion to Willis : Where was I ? I can t go on unless I know where I was." 78 THE GARROTERS. Willis, sotto voce to Roberts : " You were n t anywhere ! For Heaven s sake, make a start ! " Roberts, to the others, convulsively: u Ha, ha, ha! I supposed all the time, you know, that I had been robbed, and Willis : " Go on ! go on ! " Roberts, whispering : " I can t do it ! " Willis, whispering : " You ve got to ! You re the beaver that clomb the tree. Laugh naturally, now ! " Roberts, with a staccato groan, which he tries to make pass for a laugh : " And then I ran after the man " He stops, and regards Mr. Bemis with a ghastly stare. Mrs. Crashaw : u What is the matter with you, Edward ? Are you sick ?" THE GARROTERS. 79 Willis : Sick ? No ! Can t you see that he can t get over the joke of the thing ? It s killing him." To Roberts : Brace up, old man ! You re doing it splendidly." Roberts, hopelessly : " And then the other man the man that had robbed me the man that I had pursued ugh ! " Willis : " Well, it is too much for him. I shall have to tell it myself, I see." Roberts, making a wild effort to com mand himself: " And so so this man man ma " Willis: "Oh, good Lord" Dr. Lawton suddenly appears from the ante room and confronts him. " Oh, the devil ! " 80 THE GARROTERS. Lawton, folding his arms, and fixing his eyes upon him : " Which means that you forgot I was coming." Willis : " Doctor, you read a man s symptoms at a glance." Lawton : " Yes ; and I can see that you are in a bad way, Mr. Campbell." Willis: "Why don t you advertise, Doctor? Patients need only enclose a lock of their hair, and the color of their eyes, with one dollar to pay the cost of materials, which will be sent, with full directions for treatment, by return mail. Seventh son of a seventh son." Lawton: "Ah, don t try to jest it away, my poor friend. This is one of those obscure diseases of the heart induration of the pericardium which, THE GARROTERS. 81 if not taken in time, result in deceitful- ness above all things, and desperate wickedness." Willis: "Look here, Dr. Lawton, what are you up to ? " Lawton : " Look here, Mr. Campbell, what is your little game ? " Willis: "/ don t know what you re up to." He shrugs his shoulders and walks up the room. Lawton, shrugging his shoulders and walking up the room abreast of Camp bell : " I don t know what your little game is." They return together, and stop, confronting each other. Willis : " But if you think I m going to give myself away " Lawton: "If you suppose I m going to take you at your own figure " 82 THE GARROTERS. They walk up the room together, and return as before. Willis : " Mrs. Bemis, what is this un natural ^ff^fit of yours after ? " Mrs. Bemis, tittering : " Oh, I m sure I can t tell." "Willis : " Aunt Mary, you used to be a friend of mine. Can t you give me some sort of clew?" Mrs. Crashaw : "I should be ashamed of you, Willis, if you accepted anybody s help." Willis, sighing : " Well, this is pretty hard on an orphan. Here I come to join a company of friends at the fireside of a burgled brother-in-law, and I find myself in a nest of conspirators." Suddenly, after a moment: "Oh, I understand. Why, I ought to have seen at once. THE GARROTERS. 83 But no matter it s just as well. I in sure that we shall hear Dr. Lawton leniently, and make allowance for his well-known foible. Roberts is bound by the laws of hospitality, and Mr. Bemis is the father-in-law of his daughter." Mrs. Bemis, in serious dismay : "Why, Mr. Campbell, what do you mean ? " Willis : " Simply that the mystery is solved the double garroter is discov ered. I m sorry for you, Mrs. Bemis ; and no one will wish to deal harshly with yourl iSSer when he confesses that it was he who robbed Mr. Roberts and Mr. Bemis. All that they ask is to have their watches back. Go on, Doctor ! How will that do, Aunt Mary, for a little flyer?" Mrs. Crashaw : " Willis, I declare I 84 THE GARROTERS, never saw anybody like you ! " She em braces him with joyous pride. Roberts, coining forward, anxiously : " But, my dear Willis " "Willis, clapping his hand over his mouth, and leading him back to his place: "A^e can t let you talk now. I ve no doubt you ll be considerate, and all that, but Dr. Lawton has the floor. Go on, Doctor ! Free your mind ! Don t be afraid of telling the whole truth ! It will be better for you in the end." He rubs his hands gleefully, and then thrust ing the points of them into his waistcoat pockets, stands beaming triumphantly upon Lawton. Lawton: "Do you think so?" With well-affected trepidation : "Well, friends, if I must confess this this " THE GARROTERS. 85 Willis : " High-handed outrage. Go on." Lawton : " I suppose I must. I shall not expect mercy for myself perhaps you 11 say that, as an old and hardened offender, I don t deserve it. But I had an accomplice a young man very re spectably connected, and who, whatever his previous life may have been, had managed to keep a good reputation ; a young man a little apt to be misled by overweening vanity and the ill-advised flattery of his friends ; but I hope that neither of you gentlemen will be hard upon him, but will consider his youth, and perhaps his congenital moral and intellectual deficiencies, even when you find your watches on Mr. Campbell s person." He leans forward, rubbing 86 THE GARROTERS. his hands, and smiling upon Campbell. " How will that do, Mr. Campbell, for a flyer?" Willis, turning to Mrs. Crashaw : " One ahead, "Aunt Mary ?" Law ton, clasping him by the hand: " No, generous youth : even ! " They shake hands, clapping each -other on the back with their lefts, and joining in the general laugh. JBemis, coming forward, jovially : " Well, now, I gladly forgive you both or whoever did rob me if you 11 only give me back my watch." Willis : " I have n t got your watch." Lawton : " Nor I." Roberts, rather faintly, and coming reluctantly forward : "I I have it, Mr. Bemis." He produces it from one waist- THE GARROTERS. 87 coat pocket and hands it to Bemis. Then, visiting the other : " And what s worse, I have ray own. I don t know how I can ever explain it, or atone to you for my extraordinary behavior. Willis thought you might finally see it as a joke, and 1 7 ve done my best to pass it off lightly " Willis : " And you succeeded. You had all the lightness of a sick hippo potamus." Roberts : "I m afraid so. I 11 have the chain mended, of course. But when I went out this evening I left my watch on my dressing-table, and when you struck against me in the Common I missed it, and supposed I had been robbed, and I ran after you and took yours " 88 THE GARROTERS. Willis : " Being a man of the most violent temper and the most desperate courage " Roberts : " But I hope, my dear sir, that I did n t hurt you seriously." JBemis : " Not at all not the least." Shaking him cordially by both hands : " I m all right. Mrs. Roberts has healed all my wounds with her skilful needle ; I Ve got on one of your best neckties, and this lace handkerchief of your wife s, which I m going to keep for a souvenir of the most extraordinary adventure of my life _ Lawton : " Oh, it s an old newspaper story, Bemis, I tell you." Willis: "Well, Aunt Mary, I wish Agnes were here now to see Koberts in his character of moral hero. He done THE GARROTERS. 89 it with his little hatchet, but he waited to make sure that Bushrod was all right before he owned up." Mrs. Roberts, appearing : " Who, Willis? *- Willis : " A very great and good man : George Washington." o o Mrs. Roberts : " I thought you meant Edward." Willis : " Well, I don t suppose there is much difference." Mrs. Crashaw : " The robber has been caught, Agnes." Mrs. Roberts : c Caught ? Nonsense ! You don t mean it ! How can you trifle with such a subject ? I know you are joking! Who is it?" Young Bemis: "You never could guess " 90 THE GARROTERS. Mrs. Bemis : " Never in the world ! " Mrs. Roberts : " I don t wish to. But oh, Mr. Bemis, I ve just come from my own children, and you must be merciful to his family ! " Bemis: " For your sake, dear lady, I will." Bella, between the portieres : " Dinner is ready, Mrs. Roberts." Mrs. Roberts, passing her hand through Mr. Bemis s arm : " Oh, then you must go in with me, and tell me sftl about it." THE END. Some Popular American Novels. BEN-HUR. A Tale of the Christ. By LEW WALLACE. pp. 552. 16mo, Cloth, $1 50. ANXE. By CONSTANCE FENIMORE WOOLSON. Illustrated by C. S. REINHART. pp. iv., 540. 16mo, Cloth, $1 25. FOR THE MAJOR. A Novelette. By CONSTANCE FENI MORE WOOLSON. Illustrated, pp. 208. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00. "AS WE WENT MARCHING ON." A Story of the War. By G. W. HOSMER, M.D. pp. 310. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00. UPON A CAST. By CHARLOTTE DUNNING, pp. 330. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00. THE ENTAILED HAT ; OR, PATTY CANNON S TIMES. A Romance. ByGicoRGE ALFRED TOWNSEND (^Gath"). pp. x., 56G. IGino, Cloth, $1 50. THE BREAD-WINNERS. A Social Study, pp. 320. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00. OLD MARK LANGSTON. A Tale of Duke s Creek. By RICHARD MALCOLM JOHNSTON, Author of u Dukesborough Tales," etc. pp. 338. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00. A TRANSPLANTED ROSE. A Story of Ne\y York Society, pp. 308. IGmo, Cloth, $1 00. WASHINGTON SQUARE. By HENRY JAMES, Jr. Illustra ted by GEORGE Du MAURIER. pp. 266. 16mo, Cloth, $1 25. HELEN TROY. By Mrs. BURTON N. HARRISON, Author of "Golden Rod." pp. 202. IGmo, Cloth, $1 00. PRUDENCE. A Story of ^Esthetic London. By LUCY C. LILLIE. Illustrated by GKORGE Du MAUHIER. pp. 178. IGmo, Cloth, 90 cents ; Paper, 50 cents. Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York. W Sent bi/ mail, postage prepaid, to any part of the United States or Canada, on receipt of the price. HARPER S YOUNG PEOPLE SERIES, Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00 per volume. THE ADVENTURES OF JIMMY BROWN. Edited by W. L. ALDKN. THE CRUISE OF THE CANOE CLUB. By W. L. ALDEN. THE CRUISE OF THE GHOST." By W. L. ALDEN. THE MORAL PIRATES. By W. L. ALDEN. TOBY TYLER; OR, TEN WEEKS WITH A CIRCUS. By JAM KB OTIS. MR. STUBBS S BROTHER. A Sequel to " Toby Tyler." By JAM KS OTIS. TIM AND TIP ; OR, THE ADVENTURES OF A BOY AND A DOG. By JAMES OTIS. LEFT BEHIND ; OR, TEN DAYS A NEWSBOY. By JAMES OTIS. RAISING THE " PEARL." By JAMES OTIS. MILDRED S BARGAIN, AND OTHER STORIES. By LUOY C. LlLLIE. NAN. By LUCY C. LILLIE. THE FOUR MACNICOLS. By WILLIAM BLACK. THE LOST CITY ; OR, THE BOY EXPLORERS IN CENTRAL ASIA. By DAVID KER. THE TALKING LEAVES. An Indian Story. By W. O. STODDARD. WHO WAS PAUL GRAYSON? By JOHN HABBERTON. PRINCE LAZYBONES, AND OTHER STORIES. By Mrs. W. J. HAYS. THE ICE QUEEN. By ERNEST LNGERSOLL. CHAPTERS ON PLANT LIFE. By Mrs. S. B. HERRTOK. STRANGE STORIES FROM HISTORY. By GEORGE CARY EGGLESTON. WAKULLA : A Story of Adventure in Florida. By KIRK MUNROE. Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York, J8= Sent by mail, postage prepaid, to any part of the United States or Canada, on receipt of the price. "ENGLISH MEN OF LETTERS" SERIES, 12mo, Cloth, 75 cents per volume. JOHNSON By Leslie Stephen. GIBBON By James C. Morison. SCOTT By R. H. Hutton. SHELLEY By John Aldington Symonds. HUME By Thomas H. Huxley. GOLDSMITH By William Black. DEFOE ; By William Minto. BURNS By Principal Shairp. SPENSER By R. W. Church. THACKERAY By Anthony Trollope. BURKE By John Morley. MILTON By Mark Pattison. HAWTHORNE By Henry James, Jr. SOUTHEY By Edward Dowden. CHAUCER By Adolphus William Ward. BUNYAN By James Anthony Froude. CO WPER By Goldwin Smith. POPE By Leslie Stephen. BYRON By John Nicol. LOCKE By Thomas Fowler. WORDSWORTH By F. W T . H. Myers. DRYDEN By G. Saintsbury. L ANDOR By Sidney Colvin. DE QUINCEY By David Masson. LAMB By Alfred Ainjrer. BENTLEY .By R. C. Jebb. DICKENS By Adolphus William Ward. GRAY By Edmund W. Gosse. SWIFT By Leslie Stephen. STERNE By H. D. Traill. MACAUL AY By James C. Morison. FIELDING ".By Austin Dobson. SHERIDAN By Mrs. Oliphant. ADDISON By W. J. Courthope. BACON .By R. W. Church. COLERIDGE By H. D. Traill. Other volumes in preparation. Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York. C^~ Sent by mail, postage prepaid, to any part of the United States or Canada, on receipt of the price. THE PRINCIPLES OF EXPRESSION IN PIANO- FORTE PLAYING. By ADOLPH F. CHRISTIANI. Illustrated with numerous Examples, pp. 304. 8vo, Cloth, $3 00. A monument to the writer s care, patience, and me thodical habit of thought. ... A work which will make Mr. Christiani s name long remembered in the musical world. ... A solid structure of scientific determinations, and from this have been deduced the principles which govern musical expression. . . . The book is heartily to be commended. It is a remarkable one. N. Y. Tribune. The book is exhaustive, perspicuous, and based through out on sound authorities. The examples quoted (in mu sical notation) are very numerous, and happily selected. Independent, N. Y. We can speak with almost unqualified praise of the re markable character of the book. N. Y. Commercial Ad vertiser. Mr. Christian! unfolds his principles with the ease and clearness of a master, presenting a mass of material not to be found elsewhere, and which may hereafter form, an important feature in the teaching and in the application of pianistic expression.^. Louis Republican. This valuable treatise should take a hi-gh place in sci entific musical instruction. Philadelphia Ledger. Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York, nt Toy mail, postage prepaid, to any part. of the United States or Canada, on receipt of the price. Harper s Magazine for 1886. The December Number will begin the Seventy-second Volume of HARPER S MAGAZINE. It is the purpose of the publishers to make the volumes of the new year of unpre cedented interest and importance, and they have made ar rangements which justify confidence in the success of their undertaking. They respectfully invite public attention to some of the leading attractions of the forth - coming vol umes. The two novels now in. course of publication Miss WOOL- SON S ; East Angels" and Mr. HOWELLS S "Indian Sum mer" easily take the foremost place in current serial fiction. These will run through several Numbers, and, upon their completion, will be followed by stories from Mrs. DINAH MULOCK CRAIK, author of "John Halifax, Gentle man," and R. D. BLACKMORE, author of " Lorna Doone. " The great literary event of the year will be the publica tion of a series of papers taking the shape of a story, and depicting characteristic features of American Society writ ten by CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER, and illustrated by G. S. KEINHART the materials for which have been gathered by the author and artist during the past summer at the princi pal American pleasure resorts, North and South. Beginning in the January Number, a New Editorial De partment, discussing topics suggested by current literature, will be contributed by Mr. W. D. HOWELLS. While HARPER S MAGAZINE has in England a larger circu lation than any other periodical of its class, it will be the aim of its publishers and conductors not only to make it representative of what is best in American literature and art, but also to give especial attention to American subjects, selected with reference to their popular interest. HARPER S MAGAZINE. . . $4.00 per Year. Harper s Weekly for 1886. On the 2d of January, 1886, HARPER S WEEKLY will enter upon the thirtieth year of its existence. The series of its volumes justifies its title as " A Journal of Civilization " by reflecting, with steadily increasing fulness and accuracy, the progress of civilization throughout the period which these volumes cover, and by embodying as well as by re cording the continuous advance of American literature and American art. In Politics, HARPER S WEEKLY will continue to represent the principles of the Republican party, and of the Republi can party organization in so far as that organization is the faithful exponent of those principles. Holding aloof from factional entanglements, it will attempt to give voice to the best and wisest sentiment of the whole country. It has borne an efficient part in the work of establishing the Reform of the Civil Service on such a basis that the early and complete triumph of the reform is no longer doubted* nor by any party openly opposed. In Literature, HARPER S WEEKLY for 1886 will be signal ized by the publication of two important and striking seri als. One of these is by Mr. THOMAS HARDY, whose posi tion among the foremost of living writers of fiction is un challenged; the other by Mr. WALTER BESANT, one of the most rapidly rising of English novelists. Short stories by popular writers will continue to be features of the paper, which wifl also contain from time to time important ar ticles on special subjects by acknowledged authorities. In Art, it will be the aim of the publishers of the WEEKLY to continue, and if possible to increase, the rate of progress heretofore maintained in its illustrations. HARPER S WEEKLY . . . $4.00 per Year. Earner s Bazar for 1886. The new volume of HARPER S BAZAR offers a host of brilliant attractions designed to interest every member of the family circle. It will continue to combine the choicest literature and the finest illustrations with the latest fash ions, the most useful household knowledge, the best methods of household decoration, the newest usages of social eti quette, and all the arts that make home attractive. Its weekly plates of the latest Paris and New York styles, with its well-fitting patterns, and its descriptions of the materi als and styles in vogue, instruct its readers how to save many times the cost of subscription by being their own dressmakers, and making over their wardrobes to suit the mode of the day. It spreads the changes of fashion through out the length and breadth of the land, and enables ladies in the remotest country towns to dress as tastefully as those dwelling in the metropolis. Its papers on house keeping, cooking, the management of servants, and all household matters, are from the best sources, and are eminently practical. Its elaborate articles on weddings, entertainments, cards, table manners, and the usages of modern society in general, are of the highest interest. The literary excellence of HARPER S BAZAR is beyond dis pute. Its serial stories are by such acknowledged masters of fiction as WILLIAM BLACK, THOMAS HARDY, Mrs. LYXJT LINTON, F. W. ROBINSON, W. CLARK RUSSELL, JAMES PAYN, Miss MULOCK, Miss BRADDON, etc. Its short stories are dis tinguished for their brightness. Its pithy editorials are marked by good sense, and its poems, essays, and other matter are the best of the kind. Not a line is ever printed in its columns that could ottend the most fastidious taste. HARPER S BAZAR . . . $4.00 per Year. Harper s Yoni People for 1886. The position of HARPER S YOUNG PEOPLE as the foremost weekly paper for young readers is now firmly established. The aim of its conductors is to make it a weekly miscel lany of the best reading and illustrations for boys and girls from eight to sixteen years of age, and the publishers have spared neither pains nor expense to secure for it the very best literary and artistic work anywhere to be purchased. Every word and every cut that goes into its pages is sub jected to the most rigid editorial scrutiny, not merely to see that nothing harmful shall by any chance creep in, but equally to make sure that the paper shall be an effective agency for the mental, moral, and physical education and improvement of its readers. The serial and short stories found in its pages have all the dramatic interest that juve nile fiction can possess, while at the same time being wholly free from all that is pernicious, and are of such a high lit erary quality that their perusal tends directly and power fully to the cultivation of a correct taste in literature. The fact that HARPER S YOUXG PEOPLE appears at brief weekly intervals greatly increases the interest felt by its readers, especially in the serial stories, while the sixteen quarto pages, of which each number consists, afford ample space for the utmost variety of matter. A sample copy will be sent on receipt of a three-cent stamp. HAKPER S YOUNG PEOPLE . . . $2.00 per Year.