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THE VNFORTVNATE
TRAVELLER
or
The Life of Jacke Wilton


By THOMAS NASHE:
Edited by H. F. B. BRETT-SMITH
OXFORD
BASIL BLACKWELL
1920




'p.




Ii
I  f  i -.,,INTRODUCTION
HOMAS NASHE, son of a Suffolk minister, was
born at Lowestoft in 1567, and matriculated at
St. John's College, Cambridge, on October 13, I582,
being first a sizar and later a scholar of that house. He
claimed 1 that it was well known he might have been a
fellow of St. John's at will, but however this may be, the
larger life beckoned him, and he left Calmbridge for London.
There he made some figure in literary circles, wrote prefaces
to Greene's Menaphon and Sidney's Astrophel and Stella,
completed Marlowe's Dido and produced a couple of plays
of his own, took a hand on the bishops' side in the Martin
Marprelate controversy, engaged in a notable pamphlet
war with Gabriel Harvey, and wrote a few satirical prose
pieces, some lyrics, a realistic novel, and his Lenten Stuffge
in praise of Yarmouth and the Red Herring. This last
was printed in I599, and in 60or there appeared in Charles
Fitzgeffrey's Aganice a Latin epigram on Nashe's death.
Where he died, or when, or how, we do not know.
His own age thought of Nashe chiefly as a satirist; his
quarrel with Harvey made him famous, and the general
character'of his work was not pacific. Dekker imagined
him in the other world ' still haunted with the sharpe and
Satyricall spirit that followd him heere vpon earth,' and
1 In Have with you to Saffjro-Walden, 1596.
V




vi


INTRODUCTION


the author of The Return from Parnassus as ' a fellow...
that carryed the deadly stockado in his pen, whose muse
was armed with a gagtooth and his pen possest with Hercules furies.' He had indeed a zest in battle, and a curious
knack in the coining of an abusive epithet, that marked
him for the lists, and all his work exhibits that premature
fitness for the higher journalism which in our own day
would have saved many an Elizabethan writer from poverty
and contempt.
The Unfortunate Traveller passed through two editions
only, both in 1594, though a longer run might have been
expected from its deliberate attempt to combine popular
matter in a novel form. At that time there existed various
current models for a prose tale. Lyly's Euphues had won
a passing triumph by its sententious didacticism and outrageous elaboration of style; Nashe had met with the
book long since in the first flush of its fame, and had succumbed like other undergraduates.  'Euphues I readd
when I was a little ape in Cambridge, and then I thought
it was Ipse ille: it may be excellent good still, for ought
I know, for I lookt not on it this ten yeare: but to imitate
it I abhorre.'1 Sidney's Arcadia had been printed in
I590, and Greene's prose romances during the previous
decade; Nashe was familiar enough with the work of
both men, but the unreality of pastoral or idyll was not
for him. Sidney and Greene had found in unknown
kingdoms an escape from the life they knew, but Nashe
' welcomed no illusions, and held fiercely to realism. The
earlieromatter of the Arthurian and Carlovingian cycles he
frankly scorned as 'fantasticall dreames' and 'feyned no
where acts.' 2 Neither in mediaeval nor in Elizabethan
1Strange Newes, 1592.
The Anatomic of Absurditie, 1589.




INT RODUCTI ON


V1i


romlance could be found that moving reality of life for
which he craved, but in the motley streets of London,
and the pages of those Italian novelists whom his contemporaries translated and digested with never-ending
zest.
''he literature of clever roguery begins early and reaches
far; there were various examples to be had, from the
European popularity of a mythical Reynard the Fox or
Tyll Eulenspiegel, down to the genuine professional rascals
of the Liber Vagatorum1 or Awdeley's Fraternitye of Vacabondes.2 Parts of Awdeley's book had been embodied
by Harman in his Caueat for Commen Cursetors,3 and the
coney-catching pamphlet had been popularised further by
the work of Greene. Nashe discarded them all; Reynard
and Owlglass were out of date, and he passed by the textbooks of knavery, preferring to depict the thing itself.
Two literary models, however, were nearer to his pur-I
pose, though his work resembles neither: the Italian novelle,
and the history of Lazarillo de Tormes. The novelle could
not but appeal to him, as to all Elizabethans; their lucid
analysis of human motive and conduct, so clear, so detached,
and yet so vital in portraiture of mein and deeds, was a
continual source of wonder and delight to our conscienceridden northern race. The position of Lazarillo is somewhat different; it was first translated into English by
David Rouland of Anglesey, and though the earliest surviving issue is dated 1586, Gabriel Harvey was given a
copy by Spenser in I578,4 and the version was entered on
the Stationers' Register as early as I568-9. Nasbh could I
hardly have missed a book which brought such a reputation (
1 Circa I5I0.       2 I56I.        3 1567.
4 The authority for this is Harvey's partly-effaced MS. note in
his copy of Howleglas preserved in the Bodleian, 4~ z.3. art. Seld.




viii              INTRODUCTION
with it, and was moreover a new thing, the first tale of its
kind. But he went his own way, and too much has been
made of the picaresque element in his work: the little
Spaniard of Tejares, the first picaro of literature, would
hardly recognise Jack Wilton as a nephew; they are not
of the same blood.
Lazaro, son of a washerwoman, apprentice to a blind
/  beggar, servant in turn to many masters and starved by
them all, spends the earlier part of his life in a miserable
conflict with hunger, and the latter in a replete and greasy
satisfaction.  He reaches the summit of his ambition as
a petty government official, growing fat on the corrupt
profits of an inspectorship of wine, and we leave him at
the close a mayi complaisant in the house of an Archpriest
in Toledo, wedded to one of his master's servant girls, and
enjoying to the full his favour, his dinners, and his cast
shoes.
\With such a rascal Jack Wilton has nothing in common
( but a varied and wandering existence, and whereas the
Spaniard travelled only in Spain, and from necessity,
X the Englishman did it from a lively curiosity, and made the
K grand tour. His poverty in the opening scenes is not the
( gnawing hunger of the beggar, which drove Lazaro to steal
loaves and small change, but the chronic impecuniosity of
the undergraduate or the nobleman's page, a jest in itself,
( and finding its relief in jest. Lazaro stole bread for dear life,
while Jack Wilton secured free drinks for an army by a
practical joke on the canteen. Like Nashe himself he was
often hard up, but never so hard up as to lose the zest of the
amateur. In fine, Jack Wilton, unscrupulous rascal as he
may be, was a hanger-on of aristocracy, capable on occasion
of sustaining the dignity of an earl, and extorting front
society only so much plunder as was reasonably his due.




INTRODUCTION


ix


Even in the matter of Diamante the difference is obvious; (
she was no servant girl, but the widow of a Venetian
magnifico, and Jack Wilton acts on a moral scruple of
reparation, while Lazaro buys a comfort that he can
appreciate at the cost of a self-respect he has never felt,
and is naturally pleased with the bargain.
This point of morality marks another essential difference
from the Italian or Spanish tales. Don Diego Hurtado de
Mendoza had related the adventures of his rascal in a
strictly scientific spirit, and the novelle preserved the same
temper in their pictures of a more coloured and varied
world. Both were content with sheer description, as
accurate and vivid as might be, and praise or rebuke was
no part of their mission, whose only object was to hold
a mirror up to the panorama of life. The fascination of
such an attitude was strongly felt by the Elizabethans, as
their drama shows, but they could not resist raising hands
and eyebrows when they came to deal with Italian crime.
In this Nashe was the child of his age and race, and he used
the impulse as a journalist will; Italy was as much a
bugbear to him as to Roger Ascham or Lyly; 'Italionate
wit' is but a phrase for such devilry as Venice could teach,
and he roundly asserts that' it is nowe a priuie note amongst
the better sort of men, when they would set a singular marke
or brand on a notorious villaine, to say, he hath beene in
Italy.' 1 But he used his material for the purpose of
thrilling his readers even more than of edifying them, and
worked up carefully to a culminating point. The terrible
fate of Heraclide had already been told, and the execution
of Zadoch described in every ghastly detail, but the story
of Cutwolfe's revenge was to be his masterpiece: ' Prepare
your eares and your teares, for neuer tyll this thrust I anie
1 *. 97.




x


INTRODUCTION


tragecall matter vpon you.' 1 The assassin's execution
follows hard upon it with new horrors, and then, not to
weaken the effect, the book is concluded in less than a score
of lines. As an example of the horrible, the Cutwolfe
episode may be crude and over-wrought, but it does not
lack force, and the revenger's care in shooting his victim
suddenly in the throat, to prevent the utterance of any
word of repentance after blasphemy, may be commended
to the notice of those critics who suspect Hamlet of over-,nicety in refusing to murder Claudius at his prayers.
The Unfortunate Traveller is popular journalism in more
than its gruesomeness, for there is hardly a commonplace
of Elizabethan sentiment that does not appear in it. That
love of pageantry which preserved so long the trappings of
an outworn chivalry is shown in the tedious description oi
the panoply of Surrey-and his opponents, and Surrey again
stands for the whole spirit of the courtly love modelled on
Petrarch and expressed by countless sonneteers. The
delight in dress, and an eager curiosity in depicting it, are
plain enough in the vivid portrait of the page's habit on
his return from France, and the foolish captains whom he
4 cozened were welcome to an age which was to acclaim
Bessus and Parolles and Bobadill. The type was indeed
well known, and could be studied any day in Paul's, but
Nashe's description is masterly in its minutiae of gesture:
-Oh my Auditors, had you seene him how he stretcht out
his lims, scratcht his scabd elbowes at this speach, how hee
set his cap ouer his ey-browes like a polititian, and then
folded his armes one in another, and nodded with the
head, as who would say, let the French beware for they
shall finde me a diuell: if (I say) you had seene but halfe
the action that he vsed, of shrucking vp his shoulders,
1 p. 115.




INT RODUCTI ON


xi


smiling scornfully, playing with his fingers on his buttons,
and biting the lip; you wold haue laught your face and
your knees together.' 1
The vigorous hyperbolical descriptions of the sweating
sickness, the battlefield of Marignano, and the magic of (
Cornelius Agrippa were all intended for popularity, and (
Nashe is equally capable of falling to his fit of preaching
for half a dozen pages, and meeting the Anabaptists on
their own ground. Pedantry at the Universities, and
their ill success in entertaining royalty, were stock subjects
of satire under Elizabeth and James, and made a basis
for an attack on bad acting which anticipates Hamlet,
and is but another proof of the educated dramatic taste
of the day. Nashe was careful to lay his scene in Witten- / - --
berg, but this did not save him, and from the laboured
defence he issued in the same year it is evident that his
readers had applied the lesson nearer home.2
Finally, travellers' tales were then as eagerly read as
travellers' follies were mocked, and Nashe makes his profit
out of either taste. All the wonders of Rome, its ruins
and modern luxury, its plagues, banditti, jealousies and
murders are used to the full, and we are spared no detail
of horror from rape to torture, no melodramatic motive
from the wicked Jew's revenge, or the chance poisoning of
a Pope's mistress, to vivisection, the vendetta, signing
of souls to the devil, and breaking alive upon the wheel.
If ever author miade a deliberate attempt to hit the popular
taste, it is here. Yet at the same time he panders to popular
distrust of the-travellers who brought home such entertainment; Jack Wilton at his first coming to Rome, like
Portia's young-English baron, imitated four or five sundry


1 p. 17.
2 Christs Teares over Jerusalem, ed. I594, To the Reader.




Xl'


INTRO~DUCTION


nations in his attire at once, and Nashe spends a solid halfdozen pages 1 on the folly and danger of a voyage to the
Sodom of Italy, out of which his repentant sinner hastened
so fast.
But with all these bids for short-lived success, Nashe did
one thing which even by itself would give him a permanent
niche in the history of English literature, for whether or no
he was our first true picaresque writer, he certainly founded
our historical novel. To him belongs the credit of placing
an imaginary hero among real personages of the past, and
it is no such long way from the Earl of Surrey and Geraldine,
Jack Wilton and Cornelius Agrippa, to the Earl of Leicester
and Amy Robsart, Sir Richard Varney and Alasco. Naturally, in attempting 'some reasonable conueyance of historie'
in his ' phantasticall Treatise,' he takes plenty of liberties
with fact,2 but Erasmus and Sir Thomas More, Jan of
Leyden and Luther and Pietro Aretino lend colour and
interest to a tale that leads us from Tournay to Windsor,,
from Marignano and Wittenberg and Rome to the close
4 at Bologna and Guisnes. The structure of the book, it is
true, has been accused of incoherence, and is chaotic
enough if we expect a formal scheme; but its inconsequence
is that of life, which never proceeds according to plan, and
Wilton's career is the quivering wire on which the medley
of incident is strung. For mere consistency of detail
Nashe cared no more than Shakespeare 3; both were
content if their public noticed nothing wrong, and the
public wisely leaves such matters to editors, and reads for
the tale alone.
1 pp. 92-8.
2 See Dr. McKerrow's notes passim, and Courthope's History of'
English Poetry, vol. ii. p. 77.
3 See note to-p. III, 1. 25-6.




INTRODUCTION


xiii


To Shakespeare Nashe has not infrequently been likened
by historians of the English novel. Sir Walter Raleigh
thinks that ' the strongest and best of his writing...
merits this high praise-it is likest of all others to Shakespeare's prose writing,' and M. Jusserand has thrown out
the ingenious suggestion that Falstaff is a compound of the
wit of Jack Wilton and the body of the cider-merchant at
Terouanne. There goes more than this to the making of
Falstaff, but incalculable floating matter was impounded
in that giant bulk, and it can at least be said in support
of both critics that we get one sentence from his Sidership
that is in the very burthen of Sir John. 'Oh (quoth he),
'I am bought and sold for dooing my Countrey such good
seruice as I haue done. They are afraid of me, because
my good deedes haue brought me into such estimation
with the Comminaltie. I see, I see, it is not for the lambe
to liue with the wolfe.' Who is there that, reading this
outburst, does not instinctively await the Chief Justice's
reply?
Nashe had, in fact, along with the baser parts of journalism, that one sovereign gift, the faculty of racy and coloured
speech. True, it is an unquiet prose, restless and selfconscious, rhetorical often or turgid, and the very opposite
of the lucid flow of the novelle or the calm sufficiency of
Mendoza. But there is a virility in it that atones for
much. 'In was Captaine gogs wounds brought,' says
Nashe, and the blustering nameless prisoner stands before
us at once. Casual phrases, such as ' a Lowce (that was
anie Gentlemans companion)' give the whole sordidness
of a campaign in a line, and all garrulous paper-spoiling
pedants are spitted as 'scholasticall squitter bookes'
with a single contemptuous thrust.      His thumb-nail
sketches are not less good, from that of the supposed halfe
b




xiv


INTRODUCTION


crowne wench who ' sympered with her countenance like
a porredge pot on the fire when it first begins to seethe,'
down to the brief terrible picture of a fall, ' as in an earthquake the ground should open, and a blinde man come
feeling pad pad ouer the open Gulph with his staffe, should
tumble on a sodaine into hell.'
In all things Nashe was a literary Bohemian born out
of due time. His choice of subjects, his delight in the
compounding of word or phrase, his instinctive hatred of
Puritans and adoration of poetry, all bear witness to the
artistic temper; and for the journalistic there is proof
enough in his dismissal of the scholarly arguments of
Luther and Carolostadius: 'They vttered nothing to
make a man laugh, therefore I will leaue them.' Here in
a nutshell is the science of reporting on learned societies
for the popular press. And Nashe had that other and
greater quality, not less characteristic of Bohemia, the
militant loyalty to a friend.  He wrote, in prose and
verse, much that will give scope to literary critics yet
unborn, but never more manly sentences than those which
rebuked the inhumanity of Gabriel Harvey 'to Greene
that lies full low in his graue.' 1 It is the age-long protest
of the free-lance of letters against the self-righteous; ' Hee
made no account of winning credite by his workes, as
thou dost, that dost no good workes, but thinkes to bee
famosed by a strong faith of thy owne worthines: his only
care was to haue a spef in his purse to coniure vp a good
cuppe of wine with at all times.' And hard by is the great
apology for his own life and Greene's: 'Debt and deadly
sinne, who is not subiect to? with any notorious crime I
neuer knew him tainted.' These, of all Nashe's words, are
1 The words are not those of Nashe, but of an impartial witness,
Francis Meres.




INTRODUCTION                    xv
those that give the vividest picture of the man; it was no
saint who wrote The Choice of Valentines, but a very human
sinner, and on those words the man himself may best be
judged. He does not live in our daily life as Chaucer does
or Fielding; he is too quick to anger, and lacks their divine
tolerance; but he is a figure little less distinct than his own
portrait of Greene, a minor man of letters, but an inquiring
connoisseur of life.




I




BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE


^  HE UNFORTUNATE         TRAVELLER was entered in the Stationers' Register on September 17,
1593, and the first edition, hereafter called A,
with a dedication to Lord Southampton, was printed at
London by T. Scarlet for C. Burby in I58,4. A further 7
edition, hereafter called B, lacking the dedication, was
printed by Scarlet for Burby in the same year, and described
on the title as ' Newly corrected and augmented.'
The book has been thrice reprinted by modern editors.
Dr. Grosart included it in his privately printed six-volume
edition of Nashe in 1883-4, using the copy of A in the
British Museum; in 1892 Mr. Gosse issued a reprint of
the A text, limited to 500 copies, in a separate volume;
and in 1904 a reprint of the text of B from the Bodleian
copy, including many of the readings of A from the British
Museum copy, formed part of the second volume of Dr.
McKerrow's five-volume edition of Nashe.
The present text is a reprint of B, and follows the copy
in the Bodleian Library, the only perfect copy of B known
to exist. I have however, though less frequently than Dr.
McKerrow, admitted readings from A, using the copy in the
British Museum, in cases where the version of A was clearly
the better, or where it had been abridged in B. In such
cases the reading of B is relegated to the textual footnotes,
which also contain such minor variant readings from the
xvii




xviii


BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE


A text as seem to me valuable or suggestive. The dedication to Lord Southampton is also reprinted from A.
It is impossible to refer to the previous reprints without
acknowledging the debt of Elizabethan scholarship to Dr.
McKerrow's exhaustive edition of Nashe's works. In his
treatment of such points as the division of the sheets of B
between two printers, the evidence that B was set up from
corrected sheets of A, and the like, he has dealt with problems which do not come within the scope of the present
reprint, whose justification for existence is the need, long
felt both by students and by the literary amateur, of an
accessible separate text of Nashe's novel. The present
volume is designed to meet the wants of both classes
of reader, the textual footnotes being reduced to a
minimum   by the banishment to an appendix of those
misprints, turned letters, and errors in punctuation, the
reproduction of which in the text or in footnotes would
have been merely distracting.
In the present reprint the original punctuation of the
B text is for the first time preserved. Up to the issue of
MIr. Percy Simpson's Shakespearian Punctuation in 19II
it was the general custom of editors to modernise the
pointing of sixteenth- and seventeenth-century texts.
That epoch is now past, and no scholar can safely return
to it. Those who are interested in the subject will naturally
refer to the monograph, but the casual reader need only
bear in mind that Elizabethan punctuation was rhythmical
or even rhetorical, while that of to-day is based on logic
or syntax. A page or two will accuston him to the earlier
method, and it is odds but after further acquaintance he
will come to prefer it.
The roman type, varied by italic, of the dedication and
induction of A and B respectively is followed exactly in




BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE


xix


the present text, but the black letter, with occasional
roman, of the main body of the book is here replaced
respectively by roman and italic type. The Vanhotten... gelderslike passage at 44. I9 has, however, also been
printed in italic, having been set up in B in black letter of
a fount larger than that used for the rest of the text. The
long /, which is a mere source of annoyance to modern
readers, has everywhere been replaced by s. It should
be added that the type used in B was worn, and many
letters are blurred in the printing; it is often, for instance,
hardly possible to distinguish a blotted h from a b; and
in cases of doubt the letter required by the sense has been
presumed to have been used unless a misprint in B is unmistakably shown.
Although B is described as 'Newly corrected and augmented,' the additions are only two in number. The former
of them (44. I7) consists of the words 'carousing a whole
health to the Dukes armes,' which must have been overlooked in the printing of A. The latter (76. 24) is a longer
passage, referring to Pontius Pilate's house: 'The name
of the place I remember not, but it is as one goes to Saint
Paules Church not farre from the iemmes Piazza.' It is
possible that this may also have been omitted by the
printer of A, but it looks more like a deliberate later attempt
to add local colour. Whether Nashe had ever been out
of England is highly doubtful, but he must have talked
with many who had, and talk or reading might well have
suggested the addition, though what 'the iemmes Piazza'
may be it is not easy to say. Of the other alterations from
'A the reader will be able to form his own opinion, though
it must be noted that while many are apparently author's
corrections, some of the omissions, such as that of the!address to Puritans at 62. 34, are clearly accidental, and




XX


BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE


a few are undoubtedly due to the compositor's lack of
space.
To Dr. McKerrow, who has dealt fully with the latter
point, my thanks are due for his very courteous permission
to set up from a copy of his own text, altered by me to
correspond with that of B in punctuation and in various
readings which he discarded. This process has often
involved a score of MS. corrections to the page, but those
who know the labour of transcribing sixteenth-century
black-letter in bulk will appreciate the value of the permission, and the added accuracy gained to the present text,
the proofs of which I have collated throughout with
the originals in the Bodleian or British Museum.
The reproduction of the title-page of B is a full-size
facsimile of the probably unique original, shelf-mark
Wood, 31. c. (3), in the Bodleian Library.  The only
other known copy of B-that formerly in the Rowfant
collection-has lost its title.
H. F. B. B.-S.




TU
nate 7iirtueller.
The lfecof IackeWilgori.)
NewlAy corre~ld and aug.
rnentedL
~~ airdim: udqa decapt*
Tito, NAS H.
L" o
4Imprinted by Thm
for Cuthbert Bur-by.
1 59 4*




\
\




To the right Honorable Lord Henrie Wriothsley,
Earle of South-hampton,and Baron
of Tichfeeld.
Ngenuous honorable Lord, I know not what blinde
custome methodicall antiquity hath thrust vpon vs,
to dedicate such books as we publish,to one great
man or other; In which respect, least anie man should
challenge these my papers as goods vncustomd, and so
extend vppon them as forfeite to contempt, to the seale of
your excellent censure loe here I present them to bee seene
and allowed. Prize them as high or as low as you list:
if you set anie price on them, I hold my labor well satisfide.
Long haue I desired to approoue my wit vnto you. My
reuerent duetifull thoughts (euen from their infancie) haue
been retayners to your glorie. Now at last I haue enforst
an opportunitie to plead my denoted minde. All that in
this phantasticall Treatise I can promise, is some reasonable
conueyance of historie, & varietie of mirth. By diuers of
my good frends haue I been dealt with to employ my dul
pen in this kinde, it being a cleane different vaine from
other my former courses of writing. How wel or ill I haue
done in it, I am ignorant: (the eye that sees round about
it selfe, sees not into it selfe): onlyyour Honours applauding
encouragement hath power to make mee arrogant. Incomprehensible is the heigth of your spirit both in heroical
resolution and matters of conceit. Vnrepriueably perisheth
that booke whatsoeuer to wast paper, which on the diamond
rocke of your iudgement disasterly chanceth to be ship3




wrackt. A dere louer and cherisher you are, as well of
the louers of Poets, as of Poets themselues. Amongst their
sacred number I dare not ascribe my selfe, though now and
then I speak English: that smal braine I haue,to no
further vse I conuert, saue to be kinde to my frends,and
fatall to my enemies. A new brain, a new wit, a new
stile, a new soule will I get mee, to canonize your name to
posteritie, if in this my first attempt I be not taxed of presumption. Of your gracious fauor I despaire not, for I
am not altogether Fames out-cast. This handfull of leaues
I offer to your view, to the leaues on trees I compare, which
as they cannot grow of themselues except they haue some
branches or boughes to cleaue too, & with whose iuice and
sap they be euermore recreated & nourisht: so except
these vnpolisht leaues of mine haue some braunch of
Nobilitie whereon to depend and cleaue, and with the
vigorous nutriment of whose authorized commendation they
may be continually fosterd and refresht, neuer wil they
grow to the worlds good liking, but forthwith fade and die
on the first houre of their birth. Your Lordship is the
large spreading branch of renown, from whence these my
idle leaues seeke to deriue their whole nourishing: it resteth
you either scornfully shake them off, as worm-eaten &
worthies, or in pity preserue them and cherish them, for
some litle summer frute you hope to finde amongst them.
Your Honors in all humble seruice:
Tho: Nashe.


4




The Induction to the dapper Mounsier
Pages of the Court.
G       Allant Squires, haue amongst you: at Mumchaunce I meane not, for so I might chaunce come
to short commons, but at nouus, noua, nouum, which
is in English, newes of the maker. A proper fellow Page of
yours called lack Wilton, by me commends him vnto you,
and hath bequeathed for wast paper here amongst you
certaine pages of his misfortunes. In anie case keepe them
preciously as a priuie token of his good will towardes you.
If there bee some better than other, he craues you would
honor them in theyr death so much, as to drie & kindle
Tobacco with them: for a need he permits you to wrap
veluet pantofles in them also; so they bee not woe begone
at the heeles, or weather-beaten lyke a blacke head with
graie hayres, or mangie at the toes, lyke an Ape about the
mouth. But as you loue good fellowship and ames ace,
rather turne them to stop mustard-pottes, than the Grocers
should haue one patch of them to wrap mace in: a strong
hot costly spice it is, which aboue all things he hates. To
anie vse about meat & drinke put them to and spare not,
for they cannot doe theyr countrie better seruice. Printers
are madde whoorsons, allowe them some of them for napkins. lost a little neerer to the matter & the purpose.
Memorandum, euerie one of you after the perusing of this
pamphlet, is to prouide him a case of ponyardes, that if
you come in companie with anie man which shall dispraise
it or speak against it, you may straight crie Sic respondeo,
5




6       THE INDVCTION TO THE PAGES
and giue him the stackado. It standes not with your
honours (I assure ye) to haue a gentleman and a page
abusde in his absence. Secondly, whereas you were wont
to swere men on a pantofle to be true to your puisant order,
you shall sweare them on nothing but this Chronicle of the
king of Pages hence forward. Thirdly, it shall be lawfull
for anie whatsoeuer, to play with false dice in a corner on
the couer of this foresayd Acts and Monuments. None of
the fraternitie of the minorites shall refuse it for a pawne
in the times of famine and necessitie. Euerie Stationers
stall they passe by, whether by daie or by night, they shall
put off theyr hats too and make a low legge, in regard
their grand printed Capitano is there entombd. It shalbe
flat treason for anie of this fore-mentioned catalogue of the
point trussers, once to name him within fortie foote of an
alehouse, mary the tauerne is honorable. Many speciall
graue articles more had I to giue you in charge, which your
wisdomes waiting together at the bottom of the great
chamber staires, or sitting in a porch (your parliament
house) may better consider off than I can deliuer: onely
let this suffice for a tast to the text, and a bitte to pull on
a good wit with, as a rasher on the coles is to pull on a cup
of Wine.
Heigh passe, come alofte: euerie man of you take
your places, and heare lacke Wilton tell his owne Tale.




The vnfortunate         Traueller.
A     out that time that the terror of the world, and
feauer quartane of the French, Henrie the
eight (the onely true subiect of Chronicles),
aduanced his standard against the two hundred and fifty
towers of Turney and Turwin, and had the Emperour and
all the nobilitie of Flanders, Holand, & Brabant as mercenarie attendants on his ful-sayld fortune, I, lacke Wilton,
(a Gentleman at least) was a certain kind of an appendix
or page, belonging or appertaining in or vnto the confines
of the English court, where what my credit was, a number
of my creditors that I cosned can testifie, Celum petimus
stultitia, which of vs al is not a sinner. Bee it knowen
to as many as will paie mony inough to peruse my storie,
that I folowed the court or the camp, or the campe and
the court, when Turwin lost her maidenhead, and opened
her gates to more than lane Trosse did.; 'There did I,
(soft let me drinke before I go anie further) raigne sole
king of the cans and blacke iackes, prince of the pig-1
meis, countie palatine of cleane straw and prouant, and,
to conclude, Lord high regent of rashers of the coles and
red herring cobs. Paulo maiora canamus. Well, to the
purpose. What stratagemicall acts and monuments doo
you thinke an ingenious infant of my yeeres might enact?
you will say it were sufficient if he slur a die, pawn his
master to the vtmost peny, and minister the oath of 1 the
1on A
7




8      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
pantofle arteficially. These are signes of good education
I must confesse, and arguments of In grace and vertue
to proceed.  Oh but Aliquid latet quod non patet, theres
a further path I must trace: examples confirme, list
lordings to my proceedings. Who so euer is acquainted
with the state of a campe, vnderstandes that in it be many
quarters, and yet not so many as on London bridge. In
those quarters are many companies: Much companie, much
knauery, as true as that olde adage, Much curtesie, much
subtiltie. Those companies, lyke a greate deale of come,
do yeeld some chaffe, the corne are cormorants, the chaffe
are good fellowes, which are quickly blowen to nothing,
wyth bearing a light heart in a lyght purse. Amongest
this chaffe was I winnowing my wittes to liue merrily, and
by my troth so I did: the prince could but command
men spend their bloud in his seruice, I could make them
spend al the mony they had for my pleasure. But pouertie
in the end partes friends, though I was prince of their
purses, & exacted of my vnthrifte subiects as much liquid
alleageance as any keisar in the world could doe, yet where
it is not to bee had the king must loose his right, want
cannot bee withstoode, men can doe no more than they can
doe, what remained then, but the foxes case must help,
when the lions skin is out at the elbowes.
There was a Lord in the campe, let him be a Lord of
misrule if you will, for he kept a plaine alehouse without
welt or gard of anie iuybush, and sold syder and cheese by
pint and by pound to all that came (at the verie name of
sider I can but sigh, there is so much of it in renish
/wine now a daies.) Well, Tendit ad sydera virtus, thers
great vertue belongs (I can tel you) to a cup of sider, and
very good men haue sold it, and at sea it is Aqua cclestis,
but thats neither here nor there, if it had no other patrone
but this peere of quart pottes to authorize it, it were
sufficient. This great Lord, this worthie Lord, this noble
Lord, thought no scorne (Lord haue mercie vpon vs) to




THE VNFORT''VNATE TRAVEIIER


0


haue his great veluet breeches larded with the droppinges
of this daintie liquor, & yet he was an old seruitor, a cauelier
of an ancient house, as might appeare by the armes of his
ancestors, drawen verie amiably in chalke on the in side of
his tent dore.
He and no other was the man I chose out to damne with
a lewd monilesse deuice, for comming to him on a day as
he was counting his barels and setting the price in chalke
on the head of them, I did my dutie very deuoutly, and
tolde his alie honor I had matters of some secrecy to
impart vnto him, if it pleased him to grant me priuate
audience. With me yong Wilton qd. he, mary and shalt:
bring vs a pint of syder of a fresh tap into the three cups
here, wash the pot, so into a backe roome hee lead me,
where after he had spitte on his finger, and pickt of two or
three moats of his olde moth eaten veluet cap, and spunged
and wrong all the rumatike driuell fr6 his ill fauored goats
beard, he bad me declare my minde, and thereupon hee
dranke to mee on the same. I vp with a long circumstaunce, alias, a cunning shift of the seuenteenes, and discourst vnto him what entire affection I had borne him time
out of minde, partly for the high descent and linage from
whence hee sprong, and partly for the tender care and
prouident respect he had of pore souldiers, that whereas
the vastitie of that place, (which afforded them no indifferent
supply of drink or of victuals) might humble them to some
extremitie, and so weaken their handes, he vouchsafed in
his owne person to be a victualler to the campe (a rare
example of magnifisence and honorable curtesy) and
diligently prouided that without farre trauell, euerie man
might for his money haue syder and cheese his belly full,
nor did hee sell his cheese by the way onely, or his syder
by the great, but abast himself with his owne hands 1 to
take a shoomakers knife, (a homely instrument for such a
high personage to touch) and cut it out equally lyke a true
1 hands, A: stands B.




Io     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
iusticiarie, in little pennyworths, that it would doo a man
good for to looke vpon. So likewise of his syder, the pore
man might haue his moderate draught of it, (as there is a
moderation in all things) as well for his doit or his dandiprat, as the rich man for his half souse or his denier. Not
so much quoth I, but this Tapsters linnen apron which
you weare to protect your apparell from the imperfections
of the spigot, most amply bewrais 1 your lowly minde, I
speake it with teares, too few such noble jen -rate wee
that will drawe drinkeri- linnnenaprons.  Why you are
eu/ide~citdl-felow,-anie man that comes vnder the name
of a souldier and a good fellowe, you will sit and beare
companie to the last pot, yea, and you take in as good part
the homely phrase of mine host heeres to you, as if one
saluted you by all the titles of your baronie. These considerations I saie, which the world suffers to slip by in the
channell of forgetfulnes, hate-'moued me in ardent zeale of
your welfare, to forewajrneyu-of-some dangers that haue
beset you and your barrels. At the name of dangers hee
start-vp and bounst with his fist on the boord so hard, that
his tapster ouer-hearing him, cried, anone anone sir, by
and by, and came and made a low legge and askt him
what le lackt. Hee was readie to haue striken his tapster,
for interrupting him in attention of this his so much desired
relation, but for feare of displeasing mee hee moderated his
furie, & onely sending for the other fresh pint, wild him
looke to the barre, & come when he is cald with a deuils
name. Well, at his earnest importunitie, after I had
moistnedmylippes, to make mylie run glibbe to his iourneies
end, forward I went as followeth.  It chanced me the
other night, amongest other pages, to attend where the
King with his Lordes and many chiefe leaders sate in
counsell, there amongst sundrie serious matters that were
debated, and intelligences from the enemy giuen vp, it was
priuily informed (no villains to these priuie informers)
1 bewrais A: bewray B.




T'HE VNFORTVN'I ATE TRAVELLER           ii
that you, euen you that I nowe speake to, had (O would
I had no tong to tell the rest by this drinke it grieues me
so I am not able to repeate it.) Nowe was my dronken
Lord readie to hang himselfe for the ende of the full point,
and ouer my necke he throwes himself verie lubberly, and
intreated me as I was a proper young Gentleman, and euer
lookt for pleasure at his handes, soone to rid him out of
this hell of suspence, and resolue him of the rest, then fell
hee on his knees, wrong his handes, and I thinke on my
conscience, wepte out all the syder that he had dronke in
a weeke before, to moue mee to haue pittie on him, he rose
& put his rustie ring on my finger, gaue mee his greasie
purse with that single mony that was in it, promised to
make mee his heire, and a thousand more fauours, if I
woulde expire the miserie of his vnspeakable tormenting
vncertaintie. I beeing by nature inclined to Mercie (for1
in deede I knewe two or three good wenches of that name),
bad him harden his eares, and not make his eies abortiue
before theyr time, and he should haue the inside of my
brest turned outward, heare such a tale as would tempt
the vtmost strength of lyfe to attend it, and not die in the
midst of it.. Why (quoth I,) my selfe that am but a poore
childish well-willer of yours, with the verie thought, that a
man of your deserte and state, by a number of pesants and
varlets shoulde be so iniuriously abused in hugger mugger,
haue wepte all my vrine vpwarde. The wheele vnder our
citie bridge, carries not so much water ouer the citie, as my
braine hath welled forth gushing streames of sorrow, I haue
wepte so immoderatly and lauishly, that I thought verily
my palat had bin turned to pissing Conduit in London.
My eyes haue bin dronke, outragiously dronke, wyth giuing
but ordinarie entercourse through their sea-circled Ilands
to my distilling dreriment. What shal I say? that which
malice hath saide is the meere ouerthrow and murther of
these' daies. Change not your colour, none can slander a
1 these B: your A.




12      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
cleere conscience to it self, receiue al your fraught of
misfortune in at once.
It is buzzed in the Kings head that you are a secret frend
to the Enemie, and vnder pretence of getting a License to
furnish the Campe with syder and such like prouant, you
haue furnisht the Enemie, & in emptie barrels sent letters
of discouerie, and come innumerable.
I might wel haue left here, for by this time his white
liuer had mixt it selfe with the white of his eye, and both
were turned vpwards, as if they had offered themselues a
faire white for death to shoote at. The troth was, I was
verie loath mine hoste and I should part with drye lips:
wherefore the best meanes that I could imagine to wake
hym out of his traunce, was to crie loud in his eare, Hoe
hoste, whats to pay? will no man looke to the reckoning
here? And in plaine veritie it tooke expected effect, for
with the noyse he started and bustled, lyke a man that had
beene scarde with fire out of his sleepe, and ran hastely to
his Tapster, and all to belaboured him about the eares, for
letting Gentlemen call so long, and not looke in to them.
Presently he remembred himselfe, and had like to fall into
his memento againe, but that I met him halfe waies, and
askt his Lordship what hee meant to slip his necke out of
the collar so sodainly, and being reuiued stryke hys
Tapster so hastely?
Oh (quoth he), I am bought and sold for dooing my
Countrey such good seruice as I haue done. They are
afraid of me, because my good deedes haue brought me
into such estimation with the Comminaltie. I see, I see, it
is not for the lambe to liue with the wolfe.
The world is well amended (thought I) with your Sidership; such another fortie yeares nap together as Epeminedes
had, would make you a perfect wise man. Answere me
(quoth he) my wise yong Wilton, is it true that I am thus
vnderhand dead and buried by these bad tongues?
Nay (quoth I) you shall pardon me, for I haue spoken




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER


13


too much alreadie, no definitiue sentence of death shall
march out of my well meaning lips: they haue but lately
suckt milke, and shall they so sodainly change their food
and seeke after bloud?
Oh, but (quoth he) a mans friend is his friend, fill the
other pint Tapster: what said the King, did he beleeue
it when he heard it? I pray thee say, I sweare by my
Nobilitie; none in the world shall euer be made priuie, that
I receiued anie light of this matter by thee.
That firme affiance (quoth I) had I in you before, or else
I wold neuer haue gone so farre ouer the shooes, to plucke
you out of the myre. Not to make manie words (since you
will needs knowe) the King saies flatly; you are a myser and
a snudge, and he neuer hoped better of you.  Nay, then
(quoth he) questionles some Planet that loues not Syder
hath conspired against me. Moreouer, which is worse,
the King hath vowed to giue Turwin one hot breakfast,
onely with the bungs that he will plucke out of your
barrells. I cannot stay at thys time to report each circumstaunce that passed, but the onely counsell that my long
cherished kinde inclination can possibly contriue, is now in
your old daies to be liberall, such victualls or prouision as
you haue, presently distribute it frankely amongst poore(
Souldiers, I would let them burst their bellies with Syder,
and bathe in it, before I would run into my Princes ill
opinion for a whole sea of it. The hunter pursuing the
Beauer for his stones, hee bites them off, and leaues them
behinde for him to gather vp, whereby he liues quiet. If
greedy hunters and hungrie tale-tellers pursue you, it is for
a litle pelfe that you haue, cast it behinde you, neglect it,
let them haue it, least it breede a farther inconuenience.
Credit my aduice, you shall finde it propheticall: and thus
haue I discharged the part of a poore frend. With some
few like phrases of ceremonie, your Honors poore suppliant,
and so forth, and farewell my good youth, I thanke thee,
and wil remember thee, we parted. But the next day I




14      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
thinke we had a doale of syder, syder in bowles, in scuppets,
in helmets: and to conclude, if a man wold haue fild his
boots full, ther he might haue had it: prouant thrust it
selfe into poore souldiers pockets whether they would or no.
Wee made flue peales of shot into the towne together, of
nothing but spiggots and faucets of discarded emptie
barrels: euerie vnder-foot souldior had a distenanted tun,
as Diogenes had his tub to sleepe in. I my selfe got as manie
confiscated Tapsters aprons as made me a Tent, as big as anie
ordinarie Commaunders in the field. But in conclusion,
my welbeloued Baron of double beere got him humbly on
hys mary-bones to the King, and complained he was old
and striken in yeres, and had neuer an heire to cast at a
dogge, wherfore if it might please his Maiestie to take his
lands into his hands, and allowe hym some reasonable
pension to liue, he shuld be meruailously wel pleased: as
for warres he was weary of them, yet as long as his highnes
ventred his owne person, he would not flinch a foot, but
make his wythered bodie a buckler to beare off any blow
aduanced against him.
The King meruailing at this alteration of his sydermerchant (for so he often pleasantly tearmd him) with a
litle farther talk bolted out the whole complotment. Then
was I pitifully whipt for my holiday lye, though they made
themselues merrie with it manie a Winters euening after.
For all this, his good asse-headed-honor, mine host, perseuered in his former request to the King to accept his
lands, & allow him a beadsmanrie or out-brothershippe
of brachet: which through his vehement instancie tooke
effect, and the King iestingly said, since he would needs
haue it so, he would distraine one part of his land for
impost of syder, which he was behinde with.
-^ This was one of my famous atchieuements, insomuch as
I neuer light vpon the like famous Foole, but I haue done
a thousand better iests, if they had been bookt in order as
1 on A.




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELIER


15


they were begotten. It is pittie posteritie should be
depriued of such precious Records: & yet there is no
remedie, and yet there is too, for when all failes, welfare a
good memorie. Gentle Readers (looke you be gentle now
since I haue cald you so), as freely as my knauerie was
mine owne, it shall be yours to vse in the way of
honestie.
Euen in this expedition of Turwin (for the King stood
not long a thrumming of buttons there) it hapned me fall in
(I would it had fain out otherwise for his sake) with an
vgly mechanichall Captain. You must thinke in an Armie,
where trunchions are in their state-house, it is a flat stab
once to name a Captaine without cap in hand. Well, suppose he was a Captaine, and had neuer a good cap of his
owne, but I was faine to lend him one of my Lords cast
veluet caps, and a weather-beaten feather, wherewith he
threatned his soldiers a far off, as Iupiter is said, with the
shaking of his haire to make heauen &"earth to quake.
Suppose out of the parings of a paire of false dice, I
apparelled both him and my selfe manie a time and oft:
and surely, not to slander the diuell, if anie man euer deserued the golden dice the King of the Parthians sent fo
Demetrius it was I. I had the right vayne of sucking vp
a die twixt the dints of my fingers, not a creuise in my
hand but could swallow a quater trey for a neede: in the
line of life manie a dead lift did there lurke, but it was
nothing towards the maintenance of a familie. This Monsieur Capitano eate vp the creame of my earnings, and Crede
mihi, res est ingeniosa dare, any man is a fine fellow as long
as he hath any money in his purse. That money is like
the Marigold, which opens and shuts with the Sunne: if
fortune smileth or one bee in fauour, it floweth; if the
euening of Age comes on, or he falls into disgrace, it fadeth
and is not to be found. I was my crafts-master though I
were 1 but yong, and could as soone decline Nominatiuo
1 was A.




I6      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
hic Asinus, as a greater Clearke, wherefore I thought
it not conuenient my Soldado should haue my purs any
longer for his drum to play vppon, but I would giue him
Iacke Drums entertainment, and send him packing.
This was my plot: I knewe a peece of seruice of Intelligence, which was presently to be done, that required a
man with all his fiue senses to effect it, and would ouerthrow anie foole that should vndertake it: to this seruice
did I animate and egge my foresaid costs and charges, alias,
Senior veluet-cap, whose head was not encombred with too
much forcast; and comming to him in his cabbin about
dinner time, where I found him very deuoutly paring of his
nayles for want of other repast, I entertaind him with this
solemne oration.
Captaine, you perceiue how nere both of vs are driuen
the dice of late are growen as melancholy as a dog, high
men and low men both prosper alike, langrets, fullams, and
all the whole fellowshippe of them, will not affoord a man
his dinner, some other meanes must be inuented to preuent
imminent extremitie. My state, you are not ignorant,
depends on trencher seruice, your aduancement must be
deriued from the valour of your arme. In the delaies of
Siege, desert hardly gets a day of hearing: tis gowns must
direct and guns enact all the warres that is to be made
against walls. Resteth no way for you to clime sodenly,
but by doing some rare stratageme, the like not before
heard of: and fitlie at this time occasion is offered.
There is a feate the King is desirous to haue wrought on
some great Man of the Enemies side: narrie it requireth
not so much resolution as discretion to bring it to passe;
and yet resolution inough should be showne in it too, being
so ful of hazardous ieopardie as it is, harke in your eare,
thus it is: without more drumbling or pawsing, if you will
vndertake it, and worke it through stitch (as you maye, ere
the King hath determined which waie to goe about it) I
warrant you are made while you liue, you need not care




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER               17
which way your staffe falls, if it proue not so, then cut off
my head.
Oh my Auditors, had you seene him how he stretcht out
his lims, scratcht his scabd elbowes at this speach, how
hee set his cap ouer his ey-browes like a polititian, and then
folded his armes one in another, and nodded with the head,
as who would say, let the French beware for they shall
finde me a diuell: if (I say) you had seene but halfe the
action that he vsed, of shrucking vp his shoulders, smiling
scornfully, playing with his fingers on his buttons, and
biting the lip; youwold haue laught your face and your knees
together. The yron being hot, I thought to lay on load, for
in anie case I would not haue his humor coole. As before
I laid open vnto him the briefe summe of the seruice so
now I begeani nvr-ethde —onoabtle-n 7Tdi what a rare
thing it was to be a rigEtoitnt7hffic-desfm     of
Kings & princes, and how diuerse of meane Parentage
haue come to bee Monarchs by it. Then I discourst of
the quallities and properties of him in euery respect, how
like the Woolfe he must drawe the breath from a man long
before he bee seene, how like a Hare he must sleepe with
his eyes open, how as the Eagle in his flying casts dust in
the eyes of Crowes and other Fowles, for to blinde them, so
hee must cast dust in the eyes of his enemies, delude their
sight by one meanes or other that they diue not into his
subtleties: howe hee must be familliar with all and trust
none, drinke, carouse, and lecher with him out of whom
he hopes to wring any matter, sweare and forsweare, rather
than be suspected, and in a word, haue the Art of dissembling at his fingers ends as perfect as any Courtier.
Perhaps (quoth I) you may haue some fewe greasie
Cauailiers that will seeke to disswade you from it, and they
will not sticke to stand on their three halfe penny honour,
swearing and staring that a man were better be a hangman
than an Intelligencer, and call him a sneaking Eauesdropper,
a scraping hedgecreeper, and a piperly pickethanke, but
2




i8      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
you must not be discouraged by their talke, for the most
part of these beggarly contemners of wit, are huge burlybond Butchers like Ayax, good for nothing but to strike
right downe blowes on a wedge with a cleauing beetle, or
stand hammering all day vpon barres of yron. The
whelpes of a Beare neuer growe but sleeping, and these
Beare-wards hauing bigge lims shall be preferd though they
doo nothing.  You haue read stories, (Ile be swome he
neuer lookt in booke in his life) howe many of the Romaine
worthies were there that haue gone as Spialls into their
Enemies Campe? Vlysses, Nestor, Diomed, went as spies
together in the night into the Tents of Rhcasus, and intercepted Dolon the spie of the Troians: neuer any discredited
the trade of Intelligencers but ludas, and he hanged himselfe. Danger will put wit into any man. Architas made a
woodden Doue to flie; by which proportion I see no reason
that the veryest blocke in the worlde shoulde dispayre of
any thing. Though nature be contrary inclined, it may
be altred, yet vsually those whom shee denies her ordinary
\gifts in one thing, shee doubles them in another. That
which the Asse wants in wit, hee hath in honesty, who
euer sawe him kicke or winch, or vse any iades tricks?
though he liue an hundred yeares you shall neuer heare
t     that he breaks pasture. Amongst men, he that hath not a
good wit, lightly hath a good yron memory, and he that
hath neither of both, hath some bones to carry burthens.
tI    Blinde men haue better noses than other men: the buls
homes serue him aswell as hands to fight withall, the
Lyons pawes are as good to him as a pol-axe to knocke
downe anye that resist him, the bores tushes serue him in
I        better steed than a sword and buckler: what neede the
snaile care for eyes, when hee feeles the way with his two
homes, as well as if he were as quicke sighted as a decypherer. There is a fish, that hauing no wings supports
herselfe in the aire with her finnes. Admit that you had
neither wit nor capacitie, as sure in my iudgement there iS




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I9


none equall vnto you in idiotisme, yet if you haue simplicitie and secrecie, serpents themselues wil thinke you a
serpent, for what serpent is there but hydes his sting: and
yet whatsoeuer be wanting, a good plausible tongue in such
a man of imployment, can hardly be sparde, which as the
fore-named serpent, with his winding taile fetcheth in those
that come nere him, so with a rauishing tale it gathers al
mens harts vnto him: which if he haue not let him neuer
looke to ingender by the mouth as rauens and doues do,
that is, mount or be great by vndermining. Sir, I am
ascertained that all these imperfections I speak of in you
haue tlheir iaturialreiance. T see in your face, that you
wer born with the swallow to feed flying, to get much
tresure and honor by trauell. None so fit as you for so
important an enterprise: our vulgar polititians are but flies
swimming on the streame of subtiltie superficially in comparison of your singularitie, their blinde narrow eyes cannot
pierce into the profundity of hypocrisie, you alone with
Palamed, can pry into Vlysses mad counterfeting, you can
discerne Achilles from a chamber maide, though he be
deckt with his spindle and distaffe: as Ioue dining with
Licaon could not bee beguiled with humane fleshe drest
like meate, so no humane braine may goe beyond you, none
beguile you, you gull all, all feare you, loue you, stoup to
you. Therefore good sir be ruld by me, stoup your fortune so low, as to bequeath your selfe wholy to this
busines.
This siluer-sounding tale made such sugred harmonie
in his eares, that with the sweete meditation, what a more
than myraculous polititian he should be, and what kingly
promotion shuld come tumbling on him thereby, he could
haue found in his hart to haue packt vp hys pipes, and to
haue gone to heauen without a bait: yea, hee was more
inflamed and rauishte with it, than a yong man called
Taurimontanus was with the Phrigian melodie, who was
so incensed and fired therwith, that he would needs run




20     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
presently vpon it, and set a Curtizans house on fire that
had angred him.
No remedie: there was, but I must help to furnish him
with mony. I did so, as who will not  ake his enemie?a bridgefg   QkLto flie by  Verie earnestly he coniurde
me to make no man liuing priuie to hys departure, in
regard of his place and charge, and on his honor assured
me, his returne should be verie short and succesfull. I, I,
B shorter by the necke (thought I) in the meane time let
this be thy posie, I liue in hope to scape the rope.
Gone he is, God send him good shipping to Wapping,
and by this time if you will, let him be a pitiful poore
fellow, and vndone for euer: for mine own part, if he had
bin mine own brother, I could haue done no more for him
than I did, for straight after his back was turnd I went in
all loue and kindnes to the Marshall generall of the field,
& certifide him that such a man was lately fled to the
Enemie, & got his place begd for another immediately:
what became of him after you shall heare. To the Enemie
he went and offred his seruice, rayling egregiously against
i the King of England, he swore, as he was a Gentleman
j and a souldier, he would be reuenged on him:! and let but
the King of France follow his counsel, he would driue him
from Turwin wals yet ere three daies to an end. All these
were good humors, but the tragedie followeth. The French
King hearing of such a prating fellow that was come,
desired to see him, but yet he feared treson, willing one of
his Minions to take vpon him his person, & he wold stand
by as a priuate person while he was examined. Why
should I vse anie idle delaies? In was Captaine gogs wounds
brought, after hee was throughly searched, not a louse in
his doublet was let passe, but was askt Queuela, and chargd
to stand in the Kings name, the molds of his buttons they
turnd out, to see if they were not bullets couered ouer
with thred, the cod-peece in his diuels breeches (for they
wer then in fashion) they said plainly was a case for a




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21


pistol: if he had had euer a hob-naile in his shooes it had
hangd him, and hee should neuer haue known who had
harmd him, but as lucke was, he had no myte of any
mettall about him, he tooke part with none of the foure
Ages, neyther the golden Age, the siluer Age, the brazen
nor the yron Age, onely his purse was aged in emptines,
and I think verily a puritane, for it kept it selfe from any
pollution of crosses. Standing before the supposed King,
he was askt what he was, and wherefore he came? To
which, in a glorious bragging humor he answered, that he'
was a gentleman a capten commander, a chiefe leader, that
came from the King of England vpon discontentment
Questiond of the perticular cause, he had not a word to
blesse himselfe with, yet faine he would haue patcht out
a polt-foot tale, but (God knowes) it had not one true leg
to stand on.
Then began he to smell on the villaine so rammishly,
that none there but was ready to rent him in pieces, yet
the Minion King kept in his cholar, and propounded vnto
him further, what of the King of Englands secrets (so
aduantageable) he was priuy to, as might remooue him
from the siege of Turwin in three daies. He said diuerse,
diuerse matters, which askt longer conference, but in good
honesty they were lies, which he had not yet stampt.
Hereat the true King stept forth, and commaunded to lay
hande on the Lozell, and that he should be tortured to
confesse the truth, for he was a spie and nothing
else.
He no sooner sawe the wheele and the torments set
before him, but he cryde out like a Rascall, and said he
was a poore Captaine in the English Campe, suborned by
one Iacke Wilton (a Noble mans Page) and no other, to
come and kill the French King in a brauerie and returne,
and that he had no other intention in the world.
This confession could not choose but mooue them all to
laughter, in that he made it as light a matter to kill their




22     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
King and come backe, as to goe to Islington and eate a
messe of Creame, and come home againe, nay, and besides
he protested that he had no other intention, as if that were
not inough to hang him.
(   Adam neuer fell till God made fooles, all this could not
keepe his ioynts from ransacking on the Wheele, for they
vowed either to make him a Confessor or a Martyr with a
trice: when still he sung all one song, they told the King
he was a foole, and that some shrowd head had knauishly
wrought on him, wherefore it should stand with his honour
to whip him out of the Campe and send him home. That
perswasion tooke place, and soundly was he lasht out of
their liberties, and sent home by a Herrald with this
message, that so the King his Master hoped to whip home
all the English fooles very shortly: answere was returned,
that that shortly, was a long-lie, and they were shrewd
fooles that should driue the French-man out of his Kingdome, and make him glad with Corinthian Dionisius to
play the Schoolemaster.
The Herrald being dismist, our afflicted Intelligencer
was calde coram nobis, how he sped iudge you, but
something he was adiudged too. The sparrow for his
lechery liueth but a yeare, he for his trechery was turnd on
the toe, Plura dolor prohibet.
Here let me triumph a while, and ruminate a line or two
on the excellence of my wit, but I will not breath neither
till I haue disfraughted all my knauerie.: --- Another Switzer Captaine that was farre gone for want of
the wench, I lead astray most notoriously, for he being
a monstrous vnthrift of battle-axes (as one that cared not
in his anger to bid flye out scuttels to fiue score of them)
and a notable emboweler of quart pots, I came disguised
vnto him in the forme of a halfe crowne wench, my gowne
and a1tyre according to the custome then in request. Iwis
I had my curtsies in cue or in quart pot rather, for they
dyude into the verie entrailes of the dust, and I sympered




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23
we)


with my countenance like a porredge pot on the fire
when it first begins to seethe.  The sobriety of the
circumstance is, that after hee had courted mee and all,.
and giuen me the earnest-penie of impietie, some sixe |
Crownes at the least for an antipast to iniquitie1 I
fained an impregnable excuse to be gone and neuer
came at him after.
Yet left I not here, but committed a little more scutcherie.
A companie of coystrell Clearkes (who were in band with
Sathan, and not of anie Souldiers collar nor hat-band)
pincht a nurmber of good mindes to God-ward of their
prouant. They would not let a dram of dead-pay ouer-slip
them, they would not lend a groat of the weeke to come, to
him that had spent his money before this weeke was done.
They out-faced the greatest and most magnanimious
Seruitors in their sincere and finigraphicall cleane shirts /
and cuffes. A Lowce (that was anie Gentlemans companion) they thought scorne of, their nere bitten beards
must in a deuills name bee dewed euerye day with Rosewater, Hogges could haue nere a haire on their backs for
making them rubbing-brushes to rouse their Crab-lice.
They would in no wise permit that the moates in the Sunbeames should be full mouthd beholders of their cleane
phinifide apparel, their shooes shined as bright as a slikestone, their hands troubled and foyled more water with
washing, than the Cammell doth, that neuer drinkes till
the whole streame be troubled. Summarily, neuer anie
were so fantasticall the one halfe as they.
My masters, you may conceaue of me what you list, but
I thinke confidently I was ordained Gods scourge from.
aboue for their daintie finicalitie. The houre of their
punishment could no longer be proroged, but vengeance
must haue at them, at all a ventures. So it was, that the
most of these aboue-named goose-quill Braggadoches, were
mere cowards and crauens, and durst not so much as throwe
apen-full of inke into the Enemies face, if proofe were made:




24      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
wherefore on the experience of their pusillanimitie I thought
to raise the foundation 1 of my roguerie.
What did I now but one day made a false alarum in the! quarter where they lay, to try how they would stand to
their tackling, and with a pittifull out-crie warned them to
flie, for there was treason a foote, they were inuironed and
beset. Vpon the first watch worde of treason that was
giuen; I thinke they betooke them to their heeles verie
stoutly, left their penne and inke-homes and paper behinde
them, for spoile resigned their deskes, with the money that
was in them to the mercie of the vanquisher, and in fine,
left me and my fellowes (their foole-catchers) Lordes of the
field: How wee dealt with them, their disburdened deskes
canne best tell, but this I am assured, we fared the better
for it a fortnight of fasting dayes after.
I must not place a volume in the precincts of a pamphlet:
sleepe an houre or two, and dreame that Turney and
Turwin is wonne, that the King is shipt againe into
England, and that I am close at harde meate at Windsore
or at Hampton Court. What will you in,your indifferent.
opinions allow me for my trauell, no more signiorie ouer
the Pages that I had before? yes, whether you will part
with so much probable friendly suppose or no, Ile haue it in
spite of your hearts. For your instruction and godly consolation, bee informed, that at that time I was no common
squire, no vndertrodden torch-bearer, I had my feather
in my cap as big as a flag in the fore-top, my French
dublet gelte in the bellie as though (like a pig readie to be
spitted) all my guts had bin pluckt out, a paire of side
paned hose that hung downe like two scales filled with
Holland cheeses, my lorge stock that sate close to my
docke, and smoothered not a scab or a leacherous hairie
sinew on the calfe of the legge, my rapier pendant like
a round sticke fastned in the tacklings for skippers the
better to climbe by, my cape cloake of blacke cloth, ouer1 foundation A: fountaine B.




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spreading my backe like a thorne-backe, or an Elephantes
eare, that hanges on his shoulders like a countrie huswiues
banskin, which she thirles hir spindle on, & in consummation
of my curiositie, my hands without glooues, all a more
French, and a blacke budge edging of a beard on the
vpper lip, & the like sable auglet of excrements in the rising
of the anckle of my chinne. I was the first that brought in
the order of passing into the Court which I deriued from
the common word Qui passa, and the Heralds phrase of
armes Passant, thinking in sinceritie, he was not a Gentleman, nor his armes currant, who was not first past by the
Pages. If anie Prentise or other came into the Court that
was not a Gentleman, I thought it was an indignitie to the
preheminence of the Court to include such a one, and
could not bee salude except wee gaue him Armes Passant,
to make himh a Gentleman.
Besides, in Spaine, none passe anie farre way but he must
be examined what he is, and giue three pence for his passe.
In which regard it was considered of by the common
table of the cupbearers, what a perilsome thing it was to let
anie stranger or out dweller approch so neare the precincts
of the Prince, as the greate Chamber, without examining
what hee was, and giuing him his passe, whereupon we
established the like order, but tooke no mony of them as
they did, onely for a signe that he had not past our hands
vnexamined, we set a red marke on their eares, and so let
them walke as authenticall.
I must not discouer what vngodlie dealing we had with
the blacke iackes, or how oft I was crowned King of the
drunkardes with a Court cuppe, let mee quietly descend
to the waining of my youthfull daies, and tell a little of the
sweating sicknes, that made me in a cold sweate take my
heeles and runne out of England.
This sweating sicknes, was a disease that a man then
might catch and neuer goe to a hot-house. Manie Masters
desire to haue such seruants as would worke till they sweate




26     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
againe, but in those dayes hee that sweate neuer wrought
againe. That Scripture then was not thought so necessarie,
which sayes, Earne thy liuing with the sweat of thy browes,
for then they earnd their dying with the sweat of their
browes. It was inough if a fat man did but trusse his points,
to turne him ouer the pearch: Mother Cornelius tub why
it was like hell, he that came into it, neuer came out of it.
Cookes that stand continually basting their faces before
the fire, were now all cashierd with this sweat into kitchin
stuffe: their hall fell into the Kings hands for want of one
of the trade to vphold it.
Felt makers and Furriers, what the one with the hot
steame of their wooll new taken out of the pan, and the
other with the contagious heat of their slaughter budge
and connie-skinnes, died more thicke than of the pestelence:
I haue seene an old woman at that season hauing three
chins, wipe them all away one after another, as they melted
to water, and left hir selfe nothing of a mouth but an vpper
i chap. Looke how in May or the heat of Summer we lay
butter in water for feare it should melt away, so then were
men faine to wet their clothes in water as Diers doo, and
hide themselues in welles from the heat of the Sunne.
Then happie was he that was an asse for nothing will
kill an asse but colde, and none dide but with extreame
heate. The fishes called Sea-starres, that burne one another
by excessiue heate, were not so contagious as one man
that had the Sweate was to another. Masons paid nothing
for haire to mixe their lyme, nor Glouers to stuffe their
balls with, for then they had it for nothing, it dropped
off mens heads and beards faster than anie Barber could
shaue it. 0, if haire breeches had then been in fashion,
what a fine world had it beene for Tailers, and so it was a
fine world for Tailers neuerthelesse, for he that could make
a garment sleightest and thinnest carried it awaie: Cutters I can tell you then stood vpon it to haue their Trade
one of the twelue Companies, for who was it then that




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27


would not haue his dublet cut to the skin, and his shirt
cut into it too, to make it more cold. It was as much as a
mans life was worth ones to name a freeze ierkin, it was
hye treason for a fat grosse man 1 to come within flue miles '
of the Court. I heard where they dyde vp all in one
Familie, and not a mothers childe escapde, insomuch as
they had but an Irish rugge lockt vp in a presse, and not
laid vpon anie bed neither, if those that were sicke of this
maladie slept of2 it, they neuer wakde more. Phisitions with
their simples, in this case wext simple fellowes, and knew
not which way to bestirre them.                      -
Galen might goe shooe the Gander for any good he could
doo, his Secretaries had so long called him Diuine, that now/
he had lost al his vertue vpon earth. Hippocrates might
well helpe Almanacke-makers, but here he had not a word
to say: a man might sooner catch the sweate with plodding
ouer him to no end, than cure the sweate with anie of his
impotent principles.  Paracelsus with his Spirite of the
Butterie and his spirites of Mineralls, could not so much as
saye, God amend him to the matter. Plus erat in artifice
quam arte, there was more infection in the Phisition himselfe than his arte could cire.ThTisMortalitie first began
amongst o   inen, -or iteiy taking a pride to haue their
breasts loose basted with tedious beards, kept their houses
so hot with their hayry excrements, that not so much but
their verie walls sweat out salt-peeter, with the smothering
perplexitie: nay a number of them had meruailous hot
breaths, which sticking in the briers of their bushie beards,  /
could not choose, but (as close aire long imprisoned) ingender corruption.
Wiser was our Brother Bankes of these latter daies, who
made his iugling horse a Cut, for feare if at anie time hee
should foyst, the stinke sticking in his thicke bushie taile
might be noysome to his Auditors. Should I tell you how
manie Purseuants with red noses, and Sergeants with
1 grosse man A: goose B.         ' of B: on A.




28      THE VNFORTVNATEF TRAVELLER
precious faces shrunke away in this Sweate, you would not
beleeue me. Euen as the Salamander with his very sight
blasteth apples on the trees: so a Purseuant or a Sergeant
at this present, with the verie reflexe of his fierie facies, was
able to spoyle a man a farre of. In some places of the
world there is no shaddowe of the Sunne, Diebus illis if it
had been so in England, the generation of Brute had died
all and some. To knit vp this description in a pursnet, so
feruent & scorching was the burning aire which inclosed
them, that the most blessed man then aliue, would haue
thought that God had done fairly by him, if hee had turnd
him to a Goate, for Goates take breath not at the mouth
or nose onely, but at the eares also.
Take breath how they would, I vowd to tarrie no longer
(among them. As at Turwin I was a demy souldier in iest:
tso now I became a Martialist in earnest. Ouer Sea with
my implements I got mee, where hearing the King of
France and the Switzers were together by the eares, I made
towards them as fast as I could, thinking to thrust my
selfe into that Faction that was strongest. It was my good
(lucke or my ill (I know not which) to come iust to the
fighting of the Battell: where I saw a wonderfull spectacle
of blood-shed on both sides, here vnweeldie Switzers wallowing in their gore, like an Oxe in his dung, there the
sprightly French sprawling and turning on the stained grasse,
like a Roach new taken out of the streame: all the ground
was strewed as thicke with Battle-axes, as the Carpenters
yard with chips, the Plaine appeared like a quagmyre,
ouerspred as it were 1 with trampled dead bodies. In one
place might you behold a heape of dead murthered men
ouerwhelmed with a falling Steede, in stead of a toombe
stone: in another place, a bundell of bodies fettered together
in their owne bowells: and as the tyrant Romane Emperours vsed to tye condemned liuing caytiues face to face
to dead corses, so were the halfe liuing here mixt with
1 were B: was A.




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squeazed carcases long putrifide. Anie man might giue
Armes that was an actor in that Battell, for there were
more armes and legs scattered in the Field that day, than
will be gathered vp till Doomes-day: the French King himselfe in this Conflict was much distressed, the braines of his
owne men sprinkled in his face, thrice was his Courser
slaine vnder him, and thrice was he strucke on the brest
with a speare: but in the end, by the helpe of the Venetians,
the Heluetians or Switzers were subdude, and he crowned
a Victor, a peace concluded, and the Citie of Millaine surrendred vnto him, as a pledge of reconciliation.
That Warre thus blowen ouer, and the seuerall Bands
dissolued, like a Crowe that still followes aloofe where there
is carrion, I flew me ouer to Munster in Germanie, which
an Anabaptisticall Brother named lohn Leiden, kept at
that instant against the Emperour and the Duke of Saxonie.
Heere I was in good hope to set vpp my staffe for some
reasonable time, deeming that no Citie would driue it to a
siedge, except they were able to hold out: and pretely
well had these Munsterians held out, for they kept the
Emperour and the Duke of Saxonie play for the space of a v
yere, and longer would haue done, but that Dame Famine
came amongst them: wherevppon they were forst by Messengers to agree vpon a day of Fight, when according to
their Anabaptisticall errour they might al be new christened -
in their owne blood.
That day come, flourishing entred lohn Leiden the
Botcher into the field, with a scarffe made of lysts like
a bow-case, a crosse on hys breast like a thred bottome,
a round twilted Taylors cushion, buckled like a Tankardbearers deuice to his shoulders for a target, the pyke whereof was a pack-needle, a tough prentises club for his spear,
a great Bruers cow on his backe for a corslet, and on his
head for a helmet a huge high shooe with the bottome turnd
vpwards, embossed as full of hob-nayles as euer it might
sticke: his men were all base handicrafts, as coblers, and




30      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELER
curriers and tinkers, whereof some had barres of yron, some
hatchets, some coole-staues, some dung-forkes, some spades,
some mattockes, some wood-kniues, some addises for their
weapons: he that was best prouided, had but a peece of
a rustie browne bill brauely fringed with cop-webs 1 to fight
for him. Perchance here and there you might see a felow
that had a canker-eaten scull on his head, which serued
him and his ancestors, for a chamber pot two hundred
yeeres, and another that had bent a couple of yron dripping
pans armour-wise, to fence his backe and his belly, another
that had thrust a paire of drie olde bootes as a breast-plate
-~ before his belly of his dublet, because he would not be
dangerously hurt: an other that had twilted all his trusse
full of counters, thinking if the Enemie should take him,
he would mistake them for gold, and so saue his life for his
money. Verie deuout Asses they were, for all they were
so dunsticly setorth, and such as thought they knew as
much of Gods minde as richer men: why inspiration was
their ordinarie familiar, and buzd in their eares like a Bee in
a boxe euerie hower what newes from heauen, hell, and the
land of whipperginnie, displease them who durst, he should
haue his mittimus to damnation ex tempore, they would
vaunt there was not a pease difference betwixt them and
the Apostles, they were as poore as they, of as base trades
as they, and no more inspired than they, and with God
there is no respect of persons, onely herein may seeme
some little diuersitie to lurk, that Peter wore a sword, and
they count it flat hel fire for anie man to weare a dagger:
nay, so grounded hnd grauelled were they in this opinion,
that now when they should come to Battell, theres neuer a
one of them would bring a blade (no, not an onion blade)
about hym to dye for it. It was not lawfull said they, for
anie man to draw the sword but the Magistrate: and in
fidelitie (which I had welnigh forgot) lacke Leideln their
Magistrate had the Image or likenes of a peece of a rustie
1 cop-webs B: cobwebbes A.




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3I


sword like a lustie lad by his side: now I remember mee,
it was but a foyle neither, and he wore it, to shewe that hee
should haue the foyle of his Enemies, which might haue
been an oracle for his two-hand Interpretation. Quid plura?
His Battell is pitcht: by pitcht, I doo not meane set in
order, for that was farre from their order, onely as Sailers
doo pitch their apparell to make it storm proofe, so had
most of them pitcht their patcht clothes to make them
impearceable: a neerer way than to be at the charges of
armour by halfe. And in another sort he might be said to
haue pitcht the Field, for he had pitcht or rather set vp his
rest whether to flie if they were discomfited.
Peace, peace there in the belfrie, seruice begins, vpon
their knees before they ioine fals lohn Leiden and his fraternitie verie deuoutly, they pray, they howle, they expostulate
with God to grant them victorie, and vse such vnspeakable vehemence, a man wold thinke them the onely wel
bent men vnder heauen. Wherin let me dilate a Title         /r,    t
more grauely, than the nature of this historie requires, or.
wilbe expected of so yong a pra-titioner       i —that
not those that intermissiue y cry Lord open vnto vs, Lord
open vnto vs enter first into the kingdom, that not the
greatest professors haue the greatest portio in grace, that
all is not gold that glisters. When Christ said, the kingdome
of heauen must suffer violence, hee meant not the violence
of longbablirig praiers, nor the violence of tedious inuectiue  /
Sermons without wit, but the violence of faith, the violenceS/
of good ~vorks, the violence of patient suffering.  The
ignorant snatch the kingdome of heauen to themselues with
greedines~ when we with all our learning sinke into hell.
Where did Peter and Iohn in the third of the Acts, finde
the lame cripple but in the gate of the temple called beautifull, in the beautifullest gates of our temple, in the forefront of professors, are many lame cripples, lame in life,
lame in good workes, lame in euerie thing, yet will they
alwaies sit at the gates of the temple, none be more for



32. THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
warde then they to enter into matters of reformation, yet
none more behinde hand to enter into the true Temple
of the Lord by the gates of good life.
You may obiect, that those which I speake against, are
more diligent in reading the Scriptures, more carefull to
resort vnto Sermons, more sober in their lookes, more
modest in their attire, than anie else. But I pray you let me
answere you, Doth not Christ say, that before the Latter
day the Sunne shall be turned into darknesse, and the
Moone-into bloud: whiereof what may the meaning bee,
but thatthe glorious Sunne of the Gospell shall be eclipsed
with the dim clowd of dissimulation, that that which is the
brightest Planet of saluati-oi, shall be a meanes of error and
darknes: and the Moone shall be turned into blood, those
that shine fairest, make the simplest shewe, seeme most to
fauour Religion, shal rent out the bowels of the church, be
turned into blood, and all this shall come to passe before /
the notable day of the Lord, whereof this Age is the Eue. v
[,Let me vse a more familiar exanple, since the heate
of a great number outraged 1 so excessiuely. Did not the
Diuell lead Christ to the pinacle or highest place of the
Temple to tempt him? If he led Christ, he will lead a whole
Armie of hypocrites to the top or highest part of the
\ Temple, the highest step of Religion and Holines, to seduce
them and subuert them. I say vnto you that which this
our tempted Sauiour with manie other words besought his
Disciples, Saue your selues from this froward generation.
Verily, verily, the seruant is not greater than his master:
Verily, verily, sinfull men are not holier than holy lesus
their maker. That holy Iesus again repeates this holy
sentence, Remember the words I said vnto you, the seruaunt
is not holier nor greater than his Master: as if he should
say, Remember then, imprint in your memorie, your pride
and si-gular'itie-wyllnake you forget them, the esfec  of
them manie yeeres hence wilf-come to passe. -Wiosoeuer
1 hath outraged A.




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33


will seeke to saue his soule shall loose it: whosoeuer seekes
by headlong meanes to enter into Heauen, and disanull
Gods ordinance, shall with the Gyaunts that thought to
scale heauen in contempt of lupiter, be ouer-whelmed with
Mount Ossa and Peleon, and dwell with the diuell in
eternall desolation.
Though the High Priests Office was expired, when Paul
said vnto one of them, God rebuke thee thou painted
sepulcher: yet when a stander by reprooued him, saying:
Reuilest thou the High Priest? he repented and askt
forgiuenes.
That which I suppose I doe not grant, the lawfulnes of
the authoritie they oppose themselues against is sufficiently proued: farre be it mvy1 vnler-ael t-gunrts
shouldintrd theisues as a ree     eake p      supportso high a Building: let it suffice, If you know Christ,
'oknow his Father a.so.-tyr       w Christianitie, you
know the Fathers f the Church also. But a great number
of you with Philip haue beene long with Christ, and hauennot knowen him, haue long professed your selues Christians
and haue not knowen his true Ministers: you follow the
French and Scottish fashion and faction, and in all poynts
are like the Switzers, Qui quarunt, cum qua Gente cadunt,
that seeke with what Nation they may first miscarrie.
In the dayes of Nero there was an odde Fellowe that
had found out an exquisite way to make glasse as hammerproofe as golde: shall I say, that the like experiment he
made vpon glasse, wee haue practised on the Gospell?
I, confidently will I: 2 Wee haue found out a sleight to
hammer it to anie Heresie whatsoeuer. But those furnaces
of Falshood, and hammer-heads of Heresie must bee
dissolued and broken as his was, or els I feare mee the false
glittering glasse of Innouation will bee better esteemed of,
than the auncient golde of the Gospell.
1 it my A: it from my B.
2 I, confidently will I, A: I confidently will, I: B.
3




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The fault of faults is this, that your dead borne faith is
begotten by too-too infant Fathers. Cato one of the wisest
men in Romane Histories canonised, was not borne till his
father was foure score yeres olde: none can be a perfect
father of faith and beget men aright vnto God, but those
that are aged in experience, haue manie yeres imprinted in
their milde conuersation, and haue with Zacheus solde all
their possessions of vanities to enioy the sweet fellowship,
not of the humane but spirituall Messias.
\  Ministers and Pastors, sell away your sects and schismes
to the decrepite Churches in contention beyond sea, they
haue been so long invred to warre, both about matters of
Religion and Regiment, that now they haue no peace of
minde, but in troubling all other mens peace. Because the
pouertie of their Prouinces will allow them no proportionable maintenance for higher callings of ecclesiasticall Magistrates, they wold reduce vs to the president of their
rebellious persecuted beggerie: much like the sect of Philosophers called Cynikes, who whe they saw they were born
/to no lands or possessions, nor had any possible meanes to
support their estates, but they must liue despised and in
misery doo what they could, they plotted and consulted
with themselues how to make their pouertie better esteemed
of than rich dominion and souereigntie. The vpshot of
their plotting and consultation was this, that they would
liue to themselues, scorning the very breath or companie of
all men, they profest (according to the rate of their lands)
voluntarie pouertie, thin fare & lying hard, contemning and
inueighing against all those as brute beasts whatsoeuer
whome the world had giuen anie reputation for riches or
prosperitie. Diogenes&was one of the first and formost of
the ring-leaders of this rustie morositie, and he for all his
nice dogged disposition, and blunt deriding of worldly
drosse, and the grosse felicitie of fooles, was taken notwithstanding a little after verie fairely a coyning monie in his
cell: so fares it vpp and downe with our cinicall reformedr




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35


forraine Churches, they will disgest no grapes of great
Bishoprikes forsooth, because they cannot tell how to come
ly them, they must shape their cotes good men according
to their cloath and doe as they may, not as they wold,
yet they must giue vs leaue here in England that are their \
honest neighbours, if wee haue more cloth than they, to
make our garment some what larger.
What was the foundation or ground-worke of this dismall
declining of Munster, but the banishing of their Bishop, -
their confiscating and casting lots for Church liuinges, as the
souldiers cast lottes for Christes garments, and in short
tearmes, their making the house of God a den of theeues.
The house of God a number of hungrie Church robbers in
these dayes haue made a den of theeues. Theeues spend
looselie what they haue gotten lightly, sacriledge is no
sure inheritance, Dionisius was nere the richer for robbing
of Iupiter of his golden coate, hee was driuen in the end
to play the Schoolemaster at Corinth. The name of
Religion, bee it good or bad that is ruinated, God neuei
suffers vnreuenged, Ile say of it as Ouid said of Eunuchs:
Qui primus pueris genitalia membra recidit,
Vulnera quce fecit debuit ipse pati.
Who first depriude yong boies of their best part,
With selfe same wounds he gaue he ought to smart,
So would he that first gelt religion or Church-liuings had
bin first gelt himselfe or neuer liued; Cardinall Wolsey is
the man I aim at, Qui in suas pcenas ingeniosus erat, first
gaue others a light to his own ouerthrow. How it prospered with him and his' instrumentes that after wrought
for themselues, Chronicles largely report, though not applie,
and some parcell of their punishment yet vnpaid, I doe not
doubt but will be required of their posteritie.
To goe forward with my storie of the ouerthrow of that
1 his A: their B.




36      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
vsurper lohn Leiden he and all his armie: as I saide before,
falling prostrate on their faces, and feruently giuen ouer to
praier, determined neuer to cease, or leaue soliciting of
God, till he had shewed them from heauen some manifest
miracle of successe.
Note that it was a generall receiued tradition both with
lohn Leiden and all the crue of Cnipperdolings and MAuncers,
if God at any time at their vehement outcries and clamors
did not condiscend to their requests, to raile on him and
curse him to his face, to dispute with him, and argue him of
iniustice, for not beeing so good as his word with them, and
to vrge his manie promises in the Scripture against him:
so that they did not serue God simplie, but that he should
serue their turnes, and after that tenure are many content
to serue as bondmen to saue the danger of hanging: but
hee that serues God aright, whose vpright conscience hath
for his mot, Amor est mihi causa sequendi, I serue because
I loue: he saies, Ego te potius Domine quam tua dona sequar,
Ile rather follow thee 0 Lord, for thine own sake, than for
anie couetous respect of that thou canst doe for mee.
Christ would haue no followers, but such as forsooke all
and follow him, such as forsake all their owne desires, such
as abandon all expectations of reward in this world, such as
neglected and contemned their liues, their wiues and children in comparison of him, and were content to take vp
their crosse and follow him.
These Anabaptists had not yet forsooke all and followed
Christ, they had not forsooke their owne desires of reuenge
and innouation, they had not abandoned their expectation
of the spoile of their enimies, they regarded their liues,
they lookt after their wiues and children, they tooke not
vp their Crosses of humilitie and followed him, but would
crosse him, vpbraid him, and set him at nought, if he
assured not by some signe their prayers and supplications.
Deteriora sequntur they followed God as daring him.
God heard their praiers, Quod petitur pcena est, It was their




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speedie punishment that they prayde for.  Lo according
to the summe of their impudent supplications, a signe in
the heauens appeard the glorious signe of the rainebowe,
which agreed iust with the signe of their ensigne that was
a rainbow likewise.
Wherevpon, assuring themselues of victorie (Miseri quod
volunt, facile credunt) that which wretches would haue
they easely beleeue. With showtes and clamors they
presently ranne headlong on theyr well deserued confusion.
Pittifull and lamentable was their vnpittied and well
perfourmed slaughter. To see euen a Beare, (which is the
most cruellest of all beasts) too-too bloudily ouer-matcht,
and deformedly rent in peeces by an vnconscionable
number of curres, it would mooue compassion against
kinde, and make those that (beholding him at the stake
yet vncoapt with) wisht him a sutable death to his vgly
shape, now to recall their hard-harted wishes, and moane
him suffering as a milde beast, in comparison of the fowle
mouthd Mastiues, his butchers: euen such compassion did
those ouer-matcht vngracious Munsterians obtaine of manic
indifferent eyes, who now thought them (suffering) to bee
sheepe brought innocent to the shambles, when as before
they deemed them as a number of wolues vp in armes
against the shepheards.
The Emperialls themselues that were their Executioners
(like a father that weepes when he beates his childe, yet
still weepes and stil beates) not without much ruth and
sorrow prosecuted that lamentable massacre, yet drums
and trumpets sounding nothing but stearne reuenge in their
eares, made them so eager, that their handes had no leasure
to aske counsell of their effeminate eyes, their swordes,
theyr pikes, their bills, their bowes, their caleeuers slew,
empierced, knocht downe, shot through and ouerthrew as
manie men cuerie minute of the battell, as there falls eares
of come before the sythe at one blow: yet all their
weapons so slaying, empiercing, knocking downe, shooting




38      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
through, ouer-throwing, dissoule-ioyned not halfe so inanie,
as the hailing thunder of the great Ordinance: so ordinarie
at euerie foot-step was the imbrument of yron in bloud, that
one could hardly discern heads from bullets, or clottred
haire from mangled flesh hung with goare.
This tale must at one time or other giue vp the ghost,
and as good now as stay longer, I would gladly rid my
handes of it cleanly, if I could tell how, for what with
talking of coblers, tinkers, roape-makers, botchers and
durt-daubers, the mark is clean out of my Muses mouth,
& I am as it were more than duncified twixt diuinity and
poetrie. What is there more as touching this tragedie that
you would be resolued of? say quickly, for now is my pen
on foote againe. How lohn Leyden dyed, is that it? He
dyde like a dogge, he was hangd & the halter paid for.
For his companions, doe they trouble you? I can tell you
they troubled some men before, for they were all kild,
& none escapt, no not so much as one to tell the tale of
the rainebow. Heare what it is to be Anabaptists, to be
Puritans, to be villaines, you may bee counted illuminate
botchers for a while, but your end will bee Good people
pray for vs.
With the tragicall catastrophe of this Munsterian
conflict, did I cashier the new vocation of my caualiership.
There was no more honorable wars in christendome then
towards, wherefore after I had learned to be halfe an
houre in bidding a man boniure in Germane sunonimas,
I trauelled along the countrie towards England as fast as
I could.
What with wagons and bare tentoes hauing attained to
Middleborough (good Lord see the changing chances of vs
knights arrant infants) I met with the right honorable Lord
Henrie Howard Earle of Surrey my late master, Iesu
I was perswaded I should not bee more glad to see heauen
than I was to see him, O it was a right noble Lord, liberalitie
it selfe, (if in this yron age there were any such creature as




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39


liberalitie left on the earth) a Prince in content because
a Poetwithout peere.
I Destinie neuer defames hir selfe but when shee lets an
excellent Poet die, if there bee anie sparke of Adams
Paradized perfection yet emberd vp in the breastes of
mortall men, certainelie God hath bestowed that his/
perfectest image on Poets. None come so neere to God
in wit, none more contemne the world, vatis auarus non
temere est animus, sayth Horace, versus amat, hoc studet
vnum, Seldom haue you seene anie Poet possessed with      '''
auarice, only verses he loues, nothing else he delights in:
and as they contemne the world, so contrarilie of the  -.
mechanicall world are none more contemned. Despised   A
they are of the worlde, because they are not of the world:
their thoughts are exalted aboue the worlde of ignorance
and all earthly conceits.
As sweet Angelicall queristers they are continually
conuersant in the heauen of Arts, heauen it selfe is butl
the highest height of knowledge, he that knowes himselfe'
& all things else, knowes the meanes to be happie: happie,
thrice happie are they whom God hath doubled his spirite
vppon, and giuen a double soule vnto to hbPoets.
My Heroicall Master exceeded in this supernaturall
kinde of wit, he entertained no grosse earthly spirite of
auarice, nor weake womanly spirite of pusillanimitie and
feare that are fained to bee of the water, but admirable,
airie, and firie spirites, full of freedome, magnanimitie
and bountihood. Let me not speake anie more of his
accomplishments, for feare I spend all my spirits in praising
him and leaue my selfe no vigor of wit, or effects of a soule
to goe forward with my historie.
Hauing thus met him I so much adored, no interpleading
was there of opposite occasions, but backe I must returne
and beare halfe stakes with him in the lotterie of trauell.
I was not altogether vnwilling to walke a long with such
a good purse-bearer, yet musing what changeable humor




40      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
had so soddainely seduced him from his natiue soyle to
seeke out needlesse perils in those parts beyond sea, one
night verie boldly I demaunded of him the reason that
mooued him thereto.
Ah quoth he, my little Page, full little canst thou
perceiue howe farre Metamorphozed I am from my selfe,
since I last saw thee. There is a little God called Loue,
that will not bee worshipt of anie leaden braines, one that
proclaimes himselfe sole King and Emperour of pearcing
eyes, and cheefe Soueraigne of soft hearts, hee it is that
exercising his Empire in my eyes, hath exorsized and
cleane coniured me from my content.
Thou knowst statelie Geraldine, too stately I feare for
mee to doe homage to her stafue or shrine, she it is that
is come out of Italie to bewitch all the wise men of
England, vppon Queene Katherine Dowager she waites,
that hath a dowrie of beautie sufficient to make hir wooed
of the greatest Kinges in Christendome. Ijer high exalted
sunne beames haue set the Phenix neast of  tTea on fire,
and I my selfe haue brought Arabian spiceries of sweet
passions and praises, to furnish out the funerall flame of my
follie. Those who were condemned to be smothered to
death by sincking downe into the softe bottome of an high
built bedde of Roses, neuer dide so sweet a death as I
shoulde die, if hir Rose coloured disdaine were my deathesman.
Oh thrice Emperiall Hampton Court, Cupids inchaunted
Castle, the place where I first sawe the perfecte omnipotence
of the Almightie expressed in mortalitie, tis thou alone,
that tithing all other men solace in thy pleasant scituation,
affoordest mee nothinge but an excellent begotten sorrow
out of the cheefe treasurie of all thy recreations.
Deare Wilton vnderstand that there it was where I first
set eie on my more than celestiall Geraldine.  Seeing her
I admired her, all the whole receptacle of my sight was
vnhabited with hir rare worth. Long sute and vncessant




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4I


protestations got me the grace to be entertained. Did
neuer vnlouing seruant so prentiselike obey his neuer
pleased Mistris, as I did her. My life, my wealth, my
friendes, had all their destinie depending on hir command.
Vppon a time I was determined to trauell, the fame of
Italy, and an especiall affection I had vnto Poetrie my
second Mistris, for which Italy was so famous, had wholy
rauisht me vnto it. There was no dehortment from it, but
needs thether I would, wherefore comming to my Mistris
as she was then walking with other Ladies of estate in
paradice at Hampton Court, I most humbly besought her
of fauour, that she would giue mee so much gratious leaue
to absent my selfe from her seruice, as to trauell a yeare
or two into Italy. She verie discreetly answered me that
if my loue were so hot as I had often auouched, I did verie
well to applie the plaister of absence vnto it, for absence
as they say, causeth forgetfulnesse: yet neuerthelesse since
it is Italy my natiue countrie you are so desirous to see,
I am the more willing to make my will yours.  I pete
Italiam, goe and seeke Italie with Aeneas, but bee more
true than Aenaeas, I hope that kinde wit-cherishing climate
will worke no change in so wittie a breast. No Countrie
of mine shall it be more, if it conspire with thee, in any new
loue against mee. One charge I will giue thee and let it
bee rather a request than a charge: When thou commest
to Florence (the faire Cittie from whence I fetcht the pride
of my birth) by an open challenge defende my beautie
against all commers.
Thou hast that honourable carryage in Armes, that it
shall bee no discredite for me to bequeath all the glorie of
my beautie to thy well gouerned Arme. Faine would I bee
knowne where I was borne, faine would I haue thee knowen
where fame sits in her chiefest Theater. Farewell, forget me
not, continued deserts wil eternize me vnto thee, thy
wishes shall bee expired when thy trauell shall bee once
ended.




42      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
Here did teares step out before words, and intercepted
the course of my kinde conceiued speech, euen as winde is
allayed with raine: with heart scalding sighes I confirmed
her parting request, and vowed my selfe hers, while liuing
heate allowed mee to bee mine owne, Hinc illce lachrimca,
heere hence proceedeth the whole cause of my peregrination.
Not a little was I delighted with this vnexpected loue
storie, especially from a mouth out of which was nought
wont to march but sterne precepts of grauetie & modestie.
I sweare vnto you I thought his companie the better by a
thousand crownes, because hee had discarded those nice
tearmes of chastitie and continencie. Now I beseech God!'4., loue me so well as I loue a p.   ealing man, earth is
earthfljsiesh, earth wil to earth, and flesh vnto flesh,
faile earth, fraile flesh, who can keepe you from the worke
/oo6f your creation..    "  Dismissing this fruitles annotation pro et contra, towards,   Venice we progrest, and tooke Roterdam in our waie, that
was cleane out of our waie, there we met with aged learn> |   ings chiefe ornament, that abundant and superingenious
-'     clarke Erasmus, as also with merrie Sir Thomas Moore our
i    Coun trimaf, who was come purposelie ouer a little before vs,
'- to visite the said graue father Erasmus: what talke, what
conference wee had then,it were here superfluous to rehearse,
but this I can assure you, Erasmus in all his speeches
seemed so much to mislike the indiscretion of Princes in
preferring of parasites and fooles, that he decreed with
himselfe to swim with the stream, and write a booke forth-, with in commendation of follie. Quick witted Sir Thomas
Moore traueld in a cleane contrarie prouince, for he seeing
most common-wealths corrupted by ill custome, & that
principalities were nothing but great piracies, which gotten
by violence and murther, were maintained by priuate
vndermining and bloudshed, that in the cheefest flourishing
kingdomes there was no equall or well deuided weale one
l with an other, but a manifest conspiracie of rich men against




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43


poore men, procuring their owne vnlawfull commodities
vnder the name and interest of the common-wealth: hee
concluded with himselfe to lay downe a perfect plot of
a common-wealth or gouernment, which he would intitle
his Vtopia.
So left we them to prosecute their discontented studies,,~t
and make our next iourney to Wittenberg.
At the verie pointe of our enterance into Wittenberg, we
were spectators of a verie solemne scholasticall entertainment of the Duke of Saxonie thether. Whome because hee
was the chiefe Patrone of their Vniuersitie, and had tooke
Luthers parte in banishing the Masse and all like papal
iurisdiction out of their towne, they croucht vnto extreamely. The chiefe ceremonies of their intertainment
were these: first, the heads of their vniuersitie (they were
great heads of certaintie) met him in their hooded hypocrisie and doctorly accoustrements, secundum  formam
statuti, where by  the orator of the vniuersitie, whose,pi~ier&eufiff4vas verie plentifully besprinkled with rose
water, a very learned or rather ruthfull oration was deliuered (for it raind all the while) signifieng thus much,
that it was all by patch & by peecemeale stolne out of
Tully, and he must pardon them, though in emptying their
phrase bookes the world emptied his intrailes, for they dyd
it not in any ostentation of wit (which God knowes they had
not) but to shew the extraordinarie good will they bare the J'
Duke, (to haue him stand in the raine till he was through
wet) a thousand quemadmodums and quapropters he came
ouer him with, euery sentence he concluded with Esse -
posse videatur; through all the nine worthies he ran with
praising and comparing him, Nestors yeeres he assured
him off vnder the broade seale of their supplications, and
with that crowe troden verse in Virgil, Dum iuga montis
aper, hee packt vp his pipes and cride dixi.
That pageant ouerpast, there rusht vpon him a miserable
1 by.l: om. B.




44      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
rablement of iuliior graduats, that all cride vppon him
mightily in their gibrige lyke a companie of beggers, God
saue your grace, God saue your grace, Iesus preserue your
Highnesse, though it be but for an houre. Some three
halfe penyworth of Latine here also had he throwen at his
face, but it was choise stuffe I can tell you, as there is a
Vchoise euen amongest ragges gathered vp from the dunghill.
At the townes end met him the burgers and dunsticall
incorporationers of Wittenberg in their distinguished
liueries, their distinguished liuerie faces I meane, for they
were most of them hot liuered dronkards, and had all the
coate colours of sanguine, purple, crimson, copper, carnation, that were to be had, in their countenances. Filthie
knaues, no cost had they bestowed on the towne for his
welcome, sauing new painted their houghs and bousing,
houses, which commonly are fairer than their churches[
and ouer their gates set the towne armes carousing a whole
health to the Dukes armes, which sounded gulping after
this sorte, Vanhotten, slotten, irk bloshen glotten gelderslike:
what euer the wordes were, the sense was this, Good drinke
is a medicine for all diseases.
A bursten.belly inkhorne orator called Vanderhulke,
they pickt out to present him with an oration, one that had
a sulpherous big swolne large face, like a Saracen, eyes
lyke two kentish oysters, a mouth that opened as wide
euery time he spake, as one of those old knit trap doores,
a beard as though it had ben made of a birds neast pluckt,
in peeces, which consisteth of strawe, haire, and durt mixi
together. He was apparelled in blacke leather new licourd,
& a short gowne without anie gathering in the backe, faced
before and behinde with a boistrous beare skin, and a red
night-cap on his head. To this purport and effect was this
broccing duble beere oration. ~:ight noble Duke (ideo
nobilis quasi no bilis) for you haue no bile or colar in you,
know that our present incorporation of Wittenberg, by me
the tongue man of their thankfulnes, a townesman by birth,




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER               45
a free Germane by nature, an oratour by arte,and a scriuener
by education, in all obedience & chastity, most bountifully
bid you welcome to Witenberg: welcome, sayd I, O
orificiall rethorike wipe thy euerlasting mouth, and
affoord me a more Indian metaphor than that for the
braue princely bloud of a Saxon.  Oratorie vncaske the
bard hutch of thy complements, and with the triumphantest troupe in thy treasurie doe trewage vnto him. What
impotent speech with his eight partes may not specifie
this vnestimable gift holding his peace, shall as it were (with
teares I speak it) do wherby as it may seeme or appeare,
to manifest or declare, and yet it is, and yet it is not, and yet
it may be a diminitiue oblation meritorious to your high
pusillanimitie and indignitie. Why should I goe gadding
and fisgigging after firking flantado amfibologies, wit is
wit, and good will is good will. With all the wit I haue, I
here according to the premises, offer vp vnto you the cities
generall good will, which is a gilded Can, in manner and
forme folowing, for you and the heirs of your bodie lawfully begotten, to drinke healths in. The scholasticall
squitter bookes clout you vp cannopies and foot-clothes of
verses. We that are good fellowes, and liue as merry as
cup and can, will not verse vpon you as they doe, but must
do as we can, and entertaine you if it bee but with a plaine
emptie Canne.  gJh learning inough, that hath leamde
to drinke to his first mar n.
Gentle Duke, without paradox bee it spoken, thy horses
at our owne proper costes and charges shall kneed vp to
the knees all the while thou art heere in spruce beere and
lubecke licour. Not a dogge thou bringest with thee but
shall bee banketted with rhenish wine and sturgion. On
our shoulders we weare no lambe skinne or miniuer like
these academikes, yet wee can drinke to the confusion of
thy enemies. Good lambs wooll haue we for their lambe
skins, and for their miniuer, large minerals in our coffers.
TMechanicall men they call vs, and not amisse, for most of




46      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELIER
vs being Machi, that is cuckoldes and whooremasters,
fetch our antiquitie from the temple of Mcecha, where Mahomet was hung vp. Three partes of the worlde America,
Affrike and Asia, are of this our mechanike religion.
Nero when he crid 0 quantus artifex pereo, profest himselfe
of our freedome. Insomuch as Artifex is a citizen or craftes
man, as well as Carnifex a scholler or hangman. Passe on
by leaue into the precincts of our abhomination. Bonie
Duke frolike in our boure, and perswade thy selfe, that
euen as garlike hath three properties, to make a man
winke, drinke, and stinke, so we wil winke on thy imperfections, drinke to thy fauorites, and al thy foes shall,stinke before vs. So be it. Farewell.
The Duke laught not a little at this ridiculous oration,
but that verie night as great an ironicall occasion was
ministred, for he was bidden to one of the chiefe schooles to
a Comedie handled by scollers.  Acolastus the prodigal
child was the name of it, which was so filthily acted, so
leathemly set forth, as would haue moued laughter in
Heraclitus. One as if he had ben playning a clay floore
><   stampingly trode the stage so harde with his feete, that I
thought verily he had resolued to do the Carpenter that
set it vp some vtter shame. Another flong his armes lyke
cudgels at a peare tree, insomuch as it was mightily dreaded
that he wold strike the candles that hung aboue their
heades out of their sockettes, and leaue them all darke.
Another did nothing but winke and make faces. There
was a parasite, and he with clapping his handes and
thripping his fingers seemed to dance an antike to and fro.
The onely thing they did well, was the prodigall childs
hunger, most of their schollers being hungerly kept, &
surely you would haue sayd they had bin brought vp in
hogs academie to learne to eate acornes, if you had seene
how sedulously they fell to them. Not a ieast had they to
keepe their auditors from sleeping but of swill and draffe,
yes nowe and then the seruant put his hand into the dish




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER


47


before his master, & almost chokt himselfe, eating slouenly
and rauenously to cause sport.
The next daie they had solempne disputations, where
Luther and Carolostadius scolded leuell coyle. A masse of
wordes I wote well they heapte vp agaynst the masse and
the Pope, but farther particulars of their disputations
I remeber not. I thought verily they woulde haue worried
one another with wordes, they were so earnest and vehement. Luther had the louder voyce, Carolostadius went
beyond him in beating and bounsing with his fists, Qucea
supra nos nihil ad nos.  They vttered  thn to make a
man laugh, therefore I wi aue them.  Mary their outwade lesurests would now and then afford a man a morsel
of mirth: of those two I meane not so much, as of all the
other traine of opponents & respondents. One peckt with 1
his fore-finger at euerie halfe sillable hee brought forth, and
nodded with his nose like an olde singing man, teaching a
yong querister to keepe time. Another woulde be sure to
wipe his mouth with his handkercher at y ende of euery ful
point, and euer when he thought he had cast a figure so
curiously, as he diued ouer head and eares into his auditors
admiration, hee woulde take occasion to stroke vp his
haire, and twine vp his mustachios twice or thrice ouer
while they might haue leasure to applaud him. A third
wauerd & wagled his head, like a proud horse playing with
his bridle, or as I haue seene some fantasticall swimmer, at
euerie stroke train his chin side-long ouer his left shoulder.
A fourth swet and foamed at the mouth, for verie anger his
aduersarie had denied that part of the sillogisme which he
was not prepared to answere. A fifth spread his armes,
like an vsher that goes before to make rome, and thript
with his finger and his thumbe when he thought he had
tickled it with a conclusion. A sixt hung downe his
countenaunce like a sheepe, and stutted and slauered very
pittifully when his inuention was stept aside out of the way.
1 peckte like a crane with A.




48     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELIER
A seuenth gaspt for winde, & groned in his pronunciation
as if hee were hard bound with some bad argument. Grosse
plodders they were all, that had some learning and reading,
but no wit to make vse of it. They imagined the Duke
tooke the greatest pleasure and contentment vnder heauen
to heare them speake Latine, and as long as they talkt
nothing but Tully he was bound to attend them. A nst
vaine thing it is in many vniuersities at this daie, that they
count him excellent eloquent who stealeth not whole
phrases but whole pages 1 out of Tully. If of a number of
shreds of his sentences he can shape an oration from all
the world he carries it awaie, although in truth it be no
more than a fooles coat of many colours. No inuention or
matter haue they of theyr owne, but tack vp a stile of his
stale galymafries. The leaden headed Germanes first
began this, and wee Englishmen haue surfetted of their
absurd imitation. I pitie Nizolius that had nothing to do
but picke thrids ends out of an olde ouerworne garment.
This is but by the waie, we must looke back to our
disputants. One amongest the rest thinking to bee more
conceited than his fellowes, seeing the Duke haue a dog he
loued well, which sate by him on the tarras, conuerted al
his oration to him, and not a haire of his tayle but he
kembd out with comparisons: so to haue courted him if he
were a bitch had bin verie suspitious. Another commented
and descanted on the Dukes staffe, new tipping it with
many queint epithites. Some cast his natiuitie, and
promised him hee shoulde not die vntill the day of iudgement. Omitting further superfluityes of this stampe, in
this generall assembly we found intermixed that abundant
scholler Cornelius Agrippa. At that time he bare the
fame to be the greatest coniurer in christendome.  Scoto
that dyd the iugling tricks before the Queene, neuer came
neere him one quarter in magicke reputation. The Doctors
of Wittenberg doting on the rumor that went of him,
1 phrases but whole pages A: pages, but whole phrases B.




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER               49
desired him before the Duke and them to doe some thing
cxtraordinarie memorable.
One requested to see pleasant Plautus, and that hee would
shewe them in what habit he went, and with what countenaunce he lookt when he ground come in the mil. Another
had halfe a months mind to Ouid and his hooke nose.
Erasmus who was not wanting in that honorable meeting,
requested to see Tully in that same grace and maiestie he
pleaded his oration pro Roscio Amerino. Affirming, that til
in person he beheld his importunitie of pleading, hee woulde
in no wise bee perswaded that anie man coulde carrie awaye
a manifest case with rethorike so strangely. To Erasmus
petition he easily condescended, & willing the doctors at
such an houre to hold their conuocation, and euery one to
keepe him in his place without mouing: at the time prefixed
in entered Tullie, ascended his pleading place, and declaimed verbatim the forenamed oration, but with such
astonishing amazement, with such feruent exaltation of
spirit, with such soule-stirring iestures, that all his auditours
were readie to install his guiltie client for a God.
Great was the concourse of glorie Agrippa drewe to him
wyth this one feate. And in deede hee was so cloyed with
men which came to beholde him, that he was fayne
sooner than he would, to returne to the Emperours court
from whence he came, and leaue Wittenberg before he
woulde. With him we trauelled along, hauing purchast
his acquaintance a litle before. By the waie as we went,
my master and I agreed to change names. It was concluded betwixte vs, that I should be the Earle of Surrie,
and he my man, onely because in his owne personwhich
hee woulde not haue reproched, hee meant to take more
liberty of behauior: as for my cariage, he knew hee was to
tune it at a key, either high or low, as he list.
To the Emperours court wee came, where our entertainment was euery way plentiful, carouses we had in whole
galons in sted of quart pots. Not a health was giuen vs
4




50      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
but contained well neere a hogshead. The customes of the
countrie we were eager to bee instructed in, but nothing
\ wee coulde learne but this, that euer at the Emperours
coronation there is an oxe roasted with a stag in the belly,
and that stag in his belly hath a kid, and that kid is stufte
full of birds. Some courtiers to wearie out time, would
tell vs further tales of Cornelius Agrippa, and howe when
sir Thomas Moore our countryman was there, he shewed
him the whole destructio of Troy in a dreame. How the
Lord Cromwell being the kings Embassador there, in like
case in a perspectiue glasse hee set before his eyes king
Henrie the eight, with all his Lordes on hunting in his
forrest at Windsore, and when he came into his studie, and
was verie vrgent to be partaker of some rare experiment,
that he might reporte when he came into England, he wild
him amongest two thousande great bookes to take downe
which hee list, and begin to reade one line in anie place,
and without booke he woulde rehearse twentie leaues
following. Cromwel did so, and in many bookes tride
him, when in euery thing he exceeded his promise and
conquered his expectation. To Charles the fift then
Emperour, they reported how he shewed the nine worthies,
Dauid, Salomon, Gedeon, and the rest in that similitude
and likenes that they liued vpon earth. My master and
I hauing by the high waie side gotten some reasonable
familiaritie with him, vpon this accesse of myracles imputed
to him, resolued to request him somthing in our owne
behalfes. I because I was his suborned Lorde and master,
desired him to see the liuely image of Geraldine his loue
in the glasse. and what at that instant she did, and with
whome she was talking. He shewed her vs with out anie
more adoe, sicke weeping on her bed, and resolued all into
deuout religion for the absence of her Lord. At the sight
thereof he could in no wise refrain, though he had tooke
vpon him the condition of a seruant, but he must forthwith
frame this extemporal dity.




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5I


ZILL soule, no earthly flesh, why dost thou fade,
All good, no worthlesse drosse, why lookst thou pale,
Sicknesse how darst thou one so faire inuade,
Too base infirmitie to worke hir bale.
Heauen be distemperd since she grieued pines,
Neuer be drie these my sad plaintiue lines.
Pearch thou my spirit on hir siluer breasts,
And with their paine redoubled musike beatings,
Let them tosse thee to world where all toile rests,
Where blisse is subiect to no feares defeatings,
Her praise I tune whose tongue doth tune the sphears,
And gets new muses in hir hearers eares.
Starres fall to fetch fresh light jrom hir rich eyes,
Her bright brow driues the Sunne to cloudes beneath,
Hir haires reflex with red strakes paints the skies,
Sweet morne and euening deaw flowes from her breath,
Phoebe rules tides, she my teares tides forth drawes,
In her sicke bed loue sits and maketh lawes.
Hir daintie lims tinsill hir silke soft sheets,
Hir rose-crownd cheekes eclipse my dazeled sight,
0 glasse with too much ioy my thoughts thou greets,
And yet thou shewest me day but by twy-light.
Ile kisse thee for the kindnes I haue felt,
Hir lips one kisse would vnto Nectar melt.
Though the Emperours court, and the extraordinarie
edyfiing companie of Cornelius Agrippa might haue bin
argumentes of waight to haue arested vs a little longer
there, yet Italy still stuck as a great moate in my masters
eie, he thought he had trauelled no farther than Wales, till
he had tooke suruey of that countrie which was such a
curious molder of wits.
To cut off blind ambages by the high way side, we made
a long stride and got to Venice in short time, wherehauing




52      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER,~,
scarce lookt about vs, a precious supernaturall pandor
apparelle4 in all points like a gentleman, & hauing halfea
dosen seueral languages in his purse, entertained vs in our
owne tongueveryparaphrasticallyand eloquently, & maugre. all other pretended acquaintance, would haue vs in a violent
kinde of curtesie to be the guestes of his appointment. His
name was Petro de campo Frego, a notable practitioner in
the pollicie ofbaudrie. The place whether he brought
vs was a pernicious curtizas house named Tabitha the
Temptresses, a wench that could set as ciuill a face on it
as chastities first martyr Lucrecia. What will you conceit
to be in any saints house that was there to seeke? Bookes,
pictures, beades, crucifixes, why there was a haberdashers
shop of the in euerie chaber. I warrant you should not see
one set of her neckercher peruerted or turned awrie, not
a piece of a haire displast. On her beds there was not
a wrinkle of any wallowing to be found, her pillows bare
out as smooth as a groning wiues belly, & yet she was
a Turke and an infidel, & had more dooings then all her
neighbours besides. Vs for our money they vsed like
Emperours. I was master as you heard before, & my
master the Earle was but as my chief man whome I made
my companion. So it happened (as iniquitie will out at
one time or other) that she perceiuing my expence had no
more vents, then it should haue, fel in with my supposed
seruant my man, and gaue him half a promise of mariage, if
he would help to make me away, that shee and he might
enioy the iewels and wealth that I had.
The indifficultie of the condition thus she explained vnto
him, her house stood vppon vaultes, which in two hundred
yeeres togither were neuer searcht, who came into her
house none tooke notice of, his fellow seruants that knew
of his masters abode there, shoulde be all dispatcht by him
as from his master, into sundry parts of the citie about
busines, and when they returned, aunswere should be made
1 of A: off B.




THE VINFORTVNATE TRAVELLER              53
that he lay not their anye more, but had remoued to Padua
since their departure, & thither they must follow hnm.
Now (quoth she) if you be disposed to make him away in
their absence, you shall haue my house at commaund.
Stab, poyson or shoote him through with a pistol all is
one, into the vault he shalbe throwen when the deed is
doone. On my bare honestie it was a craftie queane, for
shee had enacted with her self if he had bin my legitimate
seruant, as he was one that serued and supplied my necessities, when he had murthered me, to haue accused
him of the murther, and made all that I had hirs (as I
carried all my masters wealth, monie, iewels, rings, or bils
of exchange, continually about me.) He verie subtilly
consented to her stratageme at the first motion, kill me
hee would, that heauens could not withstand, and a pistoll
was the predestinate engine which must deliuer the parting
blow. God wot I was a rawe yong squier, and my master
dealt iudasly with me, for he tolde me but euerie thing that
she and he agreed of. Wherefore I coulde not possibly
preuent it, but as a man would saie auoide it. The execution day aspired to his vtmost deuolution, into my chamber
came my honorable attendant with his pistoll charged by
his side very suspitiouslie and sullenly, ladie Tabitha and
Petro de campo Frego her pandor folowed him at the hard
heeles.
At their enterance I saluted them all very familiarly and
merily, & began to impart vnto the what disquiet dreams
had disturbed mee the last night. I dreamt, quoth I, that
my man Brunquell here (for no better name got he of me)
came into my chamber with a pistol charged vnder his arme
to kill me, and that he was suborned by you mistres
Tabitha, and my verie good friende Petro de campo Frego,
God send it turne to-goqd for it hath affrighted mee aboue
measure. As they were readie to enter into a coulourable
common place of the deceitfull friuolousnes of dreames, my
trustie seruant Brunquel stoode quiuering and quaking




54      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
euerye ioynt of him, & as it was before compacted betweene
vs, let his pistoll droppe from him on the sodaine, wherewith I started out of my bed, and drew my rapier, and cryde
murther, murther, which made good wife Tabitha redie to
bepis her.
My seruaunt, or my master, which you will, I tooke
roughlie by the coller, and threatned to run him through
incontinent if he confest not the truth. He as it were
striken with remorse of conscience, (God be with him, for
he could counterfeit most daintily) downe on his knees,
askt me forgiuenesse, and impeached Tabitha and Petro de
campo Frego as guiltie of subornation. I very mildly and
grauely, gaue him audience, raile on them I dyd not after
his tale was ended, but sayde I would trie what the lawe
could doe. Conspiracy by the custome of their countrie
was a capitall offence, and what custome or iustice might
affoorde, they should bee all sure to feele. I could, quoth
I, acquite my selfe otherwise, but it is not for a straunger
to be his owne caruer in reuenge. Not a word more with
Tabitha, but die she would before God or the deuill would
haue her, shee sounded and reuiued, and then sounded
again, and after she reuiued againe, sighed heauily, spoke
faintly and pittifully, yea, and so pittifully, as if a man had
not knowen the prankes of harlots before, he would haue
melted into commiseration. Tears, sighs, and dolefull
tuned wordes could not make anie forcible claime to my
stonie eares, it was the glittering crownes that I hungred
and thirsted after, & with them for all her mocke holy daie
iestures she was faine to come off, before I condescended
to anie bargaine of silence. So it fortuned (fie vppon that
vnfortunateworde of Fortune) that thiswhoore, this queane,
this curtizan, this common of ten thousand, so bribing me
not to bewray her, had giuen me a great deal of counterfeit
gold, which she had receiued of a coyner to make awaie
aTittle before. Amongst the grosse summe of my briberie,
I silly milkesop mistrusting no deceit, vnder an angell of




TIHE VNFORTVINATE TRAVELLER               55
light tooke what shee gaue me, nere turnd it ouer, for
which (O falsehood in faire shewe) my master & I had lyke
to haue bin turnd ouer. He that is a knight arrant,
exercised in the affaires of Ladies and Gentlewomen, hath
more places to send mony to tha the deuil hath to send
his spirits to. There was a delicate wench named Flauia
Aemilia lodging in saint Markes street at a goldsmiths,
which I would faine haue had to the grand test, to trie -s
whether she were cunning in Alcumie or no. Aie me, she
was but a counterfet slip, for she not onely gaue me the
slip, but had welnigh made me a slipstring. To her I sent
my golde to beg an houre of grace, ah graceles fornicatres, my hostesse and shee were confederate, who hauing
gotten but one peece of my ill golde in their handes,
deuised the meanes to make me immortall. I could drinke -i
for anger till my head akt, to thinke howe I was abused.
Shall I shame the deuill and speak the truth? To prison
was I sent as principal, and my master as accessarie, nor
was it to a prison neither, but to the master of the mintes
house, who though partlie our iudge, and a most seuere
vpright iustice in his own nature, extremely seemed to
condole our ignorant estate, and without all peraduenture
a present redresse he had ministred, if certaine of our
countrymen hearing an English Earle was apprehended for
coyning, had not come to visite vs. An ill planet brought
them thether, for at the first glance they knew the seruant v
of my secrecies to be the Earle of Surrie, and I (not worthy
to be named I) an outcast of his cuppe or pantofles.
Thence, thence sprong the full period of our infelicity.
The master of the mint our whilom refresher and consolation, now tooke part against vs, he thought we had a
mint in our heads of mischiuous conspiracies against their
state. Heauens bare witnes with vs it was not so
(heauens will not alwayes come to witnes when they are
cald). To a straiter ward were we committed: that which -
we haue imputatiuely transgressed must be answered. 0




56      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
the heathen heigh passe, and the intrinsecall legerdemaine of
our special approued good pandor Petro de Campo Frego.
He although he dipt in the same dish with vs euerie daie,
seeming to labour our cause verie importunatly, & had
interpreted for vs to the state from the beginning, yet was
one of those trecherous brother Trulies, and abused vs
most clarkly. He interpreted to vs with a pestilence, for
whereas we stood obstinatly vpon it, we were wrongfully
deteined, and that it was naught but a malicious practise of
sinfull Tabitha our late hostes, he by a fine cunny-catching
corrupt translation, made vs plainly to confesse, and crie
Miserere, ere we had need of our necke-verse. Detestable,
detestable, that the flesh and the deuill shoulde deale by
their factors, Ile stand to it, there is not a pandor but hath
vowed paganisme. The deuel himselfe is not such a deuil
as he, so be he perform his function aright. He must haue
the backe of an asse, the snout of an elephant, the wit of a
foxe, and the teeth of a wolfe, he must faune like a spaniell,
crouch like a Iew, liere like a sheepbiter. If he be halfe a
puritan, and haue scripture continually in his mouth, hee
speeds the better. I can tell you it is a trade of great promotion, & let none euer thinke to mount by seruice in forain
courts, or creep neere to some magnifique Lords, if they be
not seene in this science. O it is the art of arts, and ten
thousand times goes beyond the intelligencer. None but
a staid graue ciuill man is capable of it, he must haue
exquisite courtship in him or else he is not old who, he wants
the best point in his tables. God be mercifull to our
pandor (and that were for God to worke a miracle) he was
seene in all the seuen liberall deadly sciences, not a sinne
but he was as absolute in as sathan himselfe. Sathan
could neuer haue supplanted vs so as hee did. I may saie
to you, he planted in vs the first Italionate wit that we had.
During the time we lay close and tooke phisick in this
castle of contemplation, there was a magnificos wife of good
calling sent to beare vs companie. Her husbands name




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57


was Castaldo, she hight Diamante, the cause of her committinlg, was anvngroulded iefous suspitionwhich her doting
husband had conceiued of her chastitie. One Isaac Medicus
a bergomast was the man he chose to make him famonster,
who being a courtier, and repairing to his house very often,
neither for loue of him nor his wife, but only with a drift
to borrow mony of a paune of wax and parchment, when
he sawe his expectation deluded, —& that Castaldo was
too charie for him to close with, hee priuily with purpose
of reuenge, gaue out amongest his copesmates, that he
resorted to Castaldos house for no other end but to cuckolde
him, and doubtfully he talkt that he had and he had not
obtained his sute. Rings which he borrowed of a light
curtizan that hee vsed to, he would faine to be taken from
her 1 fingers, and in summe, so handled the matter, that
Castaldo exclaimd, Out, whore, strumpet, six penie hackster,
away with her to prison.
'. As glad were we almost as if they had giuen vs libertie,
that fortune lent vs such a sweete pue-fellow. A pretie
rounde faced wench was it, with blacke eie browes, a high
forehead, a little mouth, and a sharpe nose, as fat and plum
euerie part of her as a plouer, a skin as slike and soft as
the backe of a swan, it doth me good when I remember her.
Like a bird she tript on the grounde, and bare out her belly \
as maiesticall as an Estrich. With a licorous rouling eie
fixt piercing on the earth, and sometimes scornfully darted
on the tone side, she figured forth a high discontented
disdaine, much like a prince puffing and storming at the
treason of some mightie subiect fled lately out of his power.
Her very countenaunce repiningly wrathfull, and yet cleere
and vnwrinkled, would haue confirmed the cleernes of her
conscience to the austerest iudge in the worlde. If in anie
thing shee were culpable, it was in bein too melancholy
chast, and shewing erelfe-as-eotousfie he raui^ as
hir husband was of his bags. Many are honest, because
1 her A: his B.




4


58      THIE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
they know not howe to bee dishonest: shee thought there
was no pleasure in stolne bread, because there was no
pleasure in an olde mans bed. It is almost impossible that
any woman should be excellently wittie, and not make the
vtmost pennie of her beautie. This age and this countrie
of ours admits of some miraculous exceptions, but former
times are my constant informers. Those that haue quicke
motions of wit, haue quicke motions in euerie thing, yron
onely needs many strokes, only yron wits are not wonne
without a long siege of intreatie. Gold easily bends, the
most ingenious mindes are easiest mooued, Ingenium nobis
molle Thalia dedit, sayth Psapho to Phao. Who hath no
mercifull milde mistres, I will maintaine, hath no wittie, but
a clownish dull flegmatike puppie to his mistres.
This magnificos wife was a good louing soule, that had
mettall inough in her to make a good wit of, but being
neuer remoued from vnder her mother 1 and her husbands
wing, it was not molded and fashioned as it ought. Causeles
dtrust is able to driue deceit into a simple womans head.
f durstpalwnetie credit-f ipage, which is worth ams ace
at all times, that she was immaculate honest till she met
with vs in prison. Mary what temptations she had then,
when fire and flax were put together, conceit with your
selues, but hold my master excusable. Alacke he was too
vertuous to make her vicious, he stood vpon religion and
conscience, what a hainous thing it was to subuert Gods
ordinance. This was all the iniurie he would offer her,
sometimes he would imagine her in a melancholy humor to
bee his Geraldine, and court her in tearmes correspondent,
nay he would sweare she was his Geraldine, and take her
white hand and wipe his eyes with it, as though the verie
touch of her might staunch his anguish. Now would he
kneele & kisse the ground as holy ground which she vouchsafed to blesse from barrennes by her steppes. Who would
haue learned to write an excellent passion, might haue bin
1 mothers A.




.


THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER                 59
a perfect tragick poet, had he but attended halfe the
extremitie of his lament. Passion vpon passion would
throng one on anothers necke, he wold praise her beyond
the moone and starres, and that so sweetly and rauishingly,
as I perswade my self he was more in loue with his own
curious forming fancie than her face, and truth it is,
many become passionate louers, onely to winne praise to
theyr wits.
He praised, he praied, he desired and besought her to
pittie him that perisht for her. From this his intranced
mistaking extasie could no man remoue him. Who loueth
resolutely, wil include euery thing vnder the name of his
loue. From prose hee would leape into verse, and with
these or such like rimes assault her.
If I must die, 0 let me choose my death,
Sucke out my soule with kisses cruell maide,
In thy breasts christall bals enbalme my breath,
Dole it all out in sighs when I am laide.
Thy lips on mine like cupping glasses claspe,
Let our tongs meete and striue as they would sting,
Crush out my winde with one strait girting graspe,
Stabs on my heart keepe time whilest thou doest sing.
Thy eyes lyke searing yrons burne out mine,
In thy faire tresses stifle me outright,
Like Circes change me to a loathsome swine,
So I may liue for euer in thy sight.
Into heauens ioyes none can profoundly see,
Except that first they meditate on thee.
Sadly and verily, if my master sayde true, I shoulde if
I were a wench make many men quickly immortall. What
ist, what ist for a maide fayre and fresh to spend a little lipsalue on a hungrie louer. My master beate the bush and
kepte a coyle and a pratling, but I caught the birde, simplicitie and plainnesse shall carrie it away in another world.




6o      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
God wot he was Petro Desperato, when I stepping to her
with a dunstable tale made vp my market. A holy requiem
to their soules that thinke to wooe a woman 1 with riddles.
I hadde some cunning plot you must suppose, to bring this
about. Hir husband had abused her, and it was verie necessarie she should be reuenged: seldome doe they prooue
patient martyrs who are punisht vniustly, one waie or other
they will crie quittance whatsoeuer it cost them. No other
apt meanes had this poore shee captiued Cicely, to worke
her hoddie peake husband a proportionable plague for his
iealousie, but to giue his head his full loading of infamie.
Shee thought shee would make him complaine for some
thing, that now was so harde bound with an hereticall
opinion. How I dealt with her, gesse gentle reader, subaudi
that I was in prison, and she my silly Iaylor.
Meanes there was made after a moneths or two durance
by M. Iohn Russell, a Gentleman of king Henrie the eights
chamber, who then laie lieger at Venice for England, that
our cause should be fauorably heard. At that time was
Monsieur Petro Aretino searcher and chiefe Inquisiter to
the colledge of curtizans. Diuerse and sundrie waies was
this A retine beholding to the king of England, especially
for by this foresayd master lohn Russell, a little before he
had sent him a pension of foure hundred crownes yerely
during his life. Verie forcibly was he dealt withall, to straine
the vtmost of his credit for our deliuerie out of prison.
Nothing at his hands we sought, but that the curtizan
might bee more narrowly sifted and examined. Such and
so extraordinarie was his care and industrie herein, that,
within few dayes after mistres Tabitha and her pandor
cride Peccaui confiteor, and we were presently discharged,
they for example sake executed. Most honorably after
our inlargement of the state were we vsed, & had sufficient
recompence for all our troubles & wrongs.
Before I goe anie further, let me speake a word or two of
1 wooe a women B: wooe women A




THE ViNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER               6r
this Aretine. It was one of the wittiest knaues that euer
God made. If out of so base a thing as inke, there may
bee extracted a spirite, hee writ with nought but the spirite
of inke, and his stile was the spiritualitie of artes, and
nothing else, whereas all others of his age were but the
lay temporaltie of inkehorne tearmes. For indeede they
were meere temporizers and no better.  His pen was
sharp pointed lyke a poinyard, no leafe he wrote on, but
was lyke a burning glasse to set on fire all his readers.
With more than musket shot did he charge his quill, where
hee meant to inueigh. No houre but hee sent a whole
legion of deuils into some heard of swine or other. If
Martiall had tell Muses (as he saith of himselfe) when he
but tasted a cup of wine, he had ten score when he determined to tyrannize, nere a line of his but was able to
make a man dronken with admiration. His sight pearst
like 1 lightning into the entrailes of all abuses. This I must
needes saie, that most of his learning hee got by hearing
the lectures at Florence. It is sufficient that learning he
had, and a conceit exceeding all learning, to quintescence
euerie thing which hee heard. He was no timerous seruile
flatterer of the commonwealth wherein he liued, his
tongue & his inuention were foreborne, what they thought
they would confidently vtter.  Princes hee spard not,
that in the least point transgrest. His lyfe he contemned
in comparison of the libertie of speech. Whereas some
dull braine maligners of his, accuse him of that Treatise,
de tribus impostoribus Mundi, which was neuer contriued
without a generall counsell of deuils, I am verily perswaded
it was none of his, and of my minde are a number of the
most iudicial Italians. One reason is this, because it was
published fortie yeres after his death, and hee neuer in his
lyfe time wrote anie thing in Latine. Certainly I haue
heard that one of Machiuels followers and disciples was the
author of that booke, who to auoyde discredit, filcht it
1 like A: om. B.




62      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
forth vnder Aretines name, a great while after he had sealed
vp his eloquent spirit in the graue. Too much gall dyd
that wormwood of Gibeline wittes put in his inke, who
ingraued that rubarbe Epitaph on this excellent poets
tombstone. Quite forsaken of all good Angels was he, and
vtterly giuen ouer to artlesse enuie. Foure vniuersities
honoured Aretine wyth these rich titles, II flagello de
principi, II veritiero, II deuino, & L'vnico Aretino. The
French king Frances the first he kept in such awe, that,to chaine his tongue he sent him a huge chaine of golde,
(in the forme of tongues fashioned. Singularly hath he
commented of the humanitie of Christ. Besides, as Moses
set forth his Genesis, so hath hee set forth his Genesis
also, including the contents of the whole Bible. A notable
Treatise hath he compiled called, II sette Psalmi pcenetentiarii.  All the Thomasos haue cause to loue him,
because hee hath dilated so magnificently of the lyfe of
Saint Thomas. There is a good thing that hee hath sette
foorth La vita della virgine Maria, though it somewhat
smell of superstition, with a number more, which here for
swere with Ouid, Vita verecunda est, musa iocosa mea est,
My lyfe is chast though wanton be my verse. Tell mee
who is trauelled in histories, what good poet is, or euer was
there, who hath not hadde a lyttle spice of wantonnesse in
his dayes? Euen Beza himselfe by your leaue.  Aretine
as long as the world liues shalt thou liue. Tully, Virgil,
Ouid, Seneca were neuer such ornamentes to Italy as
thou hast bin. I neuer thought of Italy more religiously
than England till I heard of thee. Peace to thy Ghost,
and yet me thinkes so indefinite a spirit should haue no
peace or intermission of paines, but be penning ditties to
the archangels in another world.  Puritans spue forth the
venome of your dull inuentions.' A toade swels with thicke
troubled poison, you swell with poisonous perturbations,
Puritans... inuentions: om. B.




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER                63
your malice hath not a cleere dram of anie inspired disposition.
My principall subiect pluckes me by the elbowe,
Diamante Castaldos y magnificos wife, after my enlargement proued to be with child, at which instant there grew
an vnsatiable famine in Venice, wherein, whether it were
for meere niggardise, or that Castaldo stil eate out his heart
with iealousie, saint Anne be our record, he turnd vp the
heels verie deuoutly. To master Aretine after this, once
more verie dutifully I appeald, requested him of fauour,
acknowledged former gratuities, he made no more humming or halting, but in despite of her husbands kinsfolkes,
gaue her her Nunc dimittis, and so establisht her free of my
companie.
Being out, and fully possest of her husbands goods, she
inuested me in the state of a monarch. Because the time
of child-birth drew nigh, and she could not remaine in
Venice but discredited, shee decreed to trauell whether so
euer I would conduct her. To see Italy throughout was
my proposed scope, and that waie if she would trauell, haue
with her, I had wherewithall to releeue her.
From my master by her ful-hand prouokement I parted
without leaue, the state of an Earle he had thrust vpon me
before, & now I would not bate him an ace of it. Through
all the cities past I by no other name but the yong Earle
of Surry, my pomp, my apparel, traine, and expence, was
nothing inferior to his, my looks were as loftie, my wordes
as magnificall. Memorandum, that Florence being the
principall scope of my masters course, missing mee hee
iourneyed thether without interruption. By the waie as hee
went, hee heard of another Earle of Surry besides himselfe,
which caused him make more hast to fetch me in, whom
hee little dreamed off had such arte in my budget, to
separate the shadow from the bodie. Ouertake me at
Florence he did, where sitting in my pontificalibus with my
curtizan at supper, lyke Anthonie and Cleopatra, when they




64     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
quafte standing boules of Wine spiced with pearle together,
he stole in ere we sent for him, and bad much good it vs,
and askt vs whether wee wanted anie gests. If he had askt
me whether I would haue hanged my selfe, his question
had bin more acceptable. Hee that had then vngartered
me, might haue pluckt out my heart at my heeles.
My soule which was made to soare vpward, now sought
for passage downward, my bloud as the blushing Sabine
maids surprised on the sodaine by the souldiers of Romulus,
ranne to the noblest of bloud amongst them for succour, that
were in no lesse (if not greater danger) so did it runne for
refuge to the noblest of his bloude about my hart assembled,
that stood in more need it selfe of comfort and refuge. A
trembling earthquake or shaking feauer assailed either of
vs, and I thinke vyfaine, if h seeing our faint heart
agonie, had not soone cheeredLanc -refreshed vs, the dogs
hadi go-nei'ogether by the eares vnder the table for our
feare-dropped lims.
In sted of menacing or afrighting me with his swoorde
or his frounes for my superlatiue presumption, he burst out
into laughter aboue Ela, to thinke how brauely napping
he had tooke vs, and how notably we were dampt and
stroke dead in the neast, with the vnexpected view of his
presence.
Ah, quoth he, my noble Lord (after his tongue had borrowed a little leaue of his laughter) is it my lucke to visite
you thus vnlookt for, I am sure you will bidde mee welcome, if it bee but for the names sake. It is a wonder to
see two English Earles of one house at one time together
in Italy. I hearing him so pleasant, began to gather vp
my spirites, and replid as boldly as I durst: Sir, you are
welcome, your name which I borrowed I haue not abused,
some large summes of monie this my sweet mistres
Diamante hath made me master of, which I knew not how
better to imploy for the honor of my country, than by
spending it munificently vnder your name. No English-man




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65


would I haue renowmed for bountie, magnificence and curtesie but you, vnder your colours all my meritorious workes
I was desirous to shroud. Deeme it no insolence to adde
increase to your fame.1 Had I basely and beggarly, wanting
abilitie to support anie part of your roialtie, vndertooke the
estimation of this high calling, your alleadgement of iniurie
had bin the greater, and my defence lesse authorised. It
will be thought but a policie of yours thus to send one before you, who being a follower of yours, shall keepe and
vpholde the estate and port of an Earle. I haue knowen
many Earles my selfe that in their owne persons would go
verie plaine, but delighted to haue one that belonged to
them (being loden with iewels, apparelled in cloth of golde,
and al the rich imbroderie that might be) to stand bare
headed vnto him, arguing thus much, that if the greatest
men went not more sumptuous, how more great than the
greatest was he that could comand one going so sumptuous.
A noble mans go1Lry__appeareth in nothing so much as in
the pompe of his attendants. What is the glory of the
Sunne, but that the Moone and so many millions of starres
borrow their lights from him? If you can reprehend me of
anie one illiberall licentious action I haue disparaged your
name with, heape shame on me prodigally, I beg no pardon
or pittie.
Non veniunt in idem pudor & amor, he was loth to detract from one that he loued so. Beholding with his eyes
that I clipte not the wings of his honour, but rather increast
them with additions of expence, he intreated me as if I had
bin an Embassadour, he gaue mee his hand and swore he
had no more heartes but one, and I shoulde haue halfe of it,
in that I so inhanced his obscured reputation. One thing,
quoth he, my sweet lacke I will intreate thee (it shall bee
but one) that though I am well pleased thou shouldest bee
the ape of my birthright, (as what noble man hath not his
ape & his foole) yet that thou be an ape without a clog,
1 Deeme... fame A: o. B.
5




66      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
not carrie thy curtizan with thee. I tolde him that a king
could doe nothing without his treasurie, this curtizan was
my purs-bearer, my countenance and supporter. My Earledome I would sooner resigne, than parte with such a specyall
benefactor. Resigne it I will how euer, since I am thus
challenged of stolne goods by the true owner: Lo, into my
former state I return agayne; poore lacke Wilton and your
seruant am I, as I was at the beginning, and so wil I perseuer to my liues ending.
That theame was quickly cut off, & other talke entered
in place, of what I haue forgot, but talke it was, and talke
let it be, & talke it shall be, for I do not meane here to
remember it. Wee supt, we got to bed, rose in the morning,
on my master I waited, & the first thing he did after he
was vp, he went and visited the house where his Geraldine
was borne, at sight whereof hee was so impassioned that in
the open street but for me, he would haue made an oration
in prayse of it. Into it we were conducted, and shewed
eache seuerall roome thereto appertaining.  0 but when
hee came to the chamber where his Geraldines cleere Sunbeames first thrust themselues into this cloud of flesh, and
acquainted mortalitie with the purity of Angels, then did
his mouth ouerflow with magnificats, his tong thrust the
(starres out of heauen, and eclipsed the Sun and Moone
with comparisons; Geraldine was the soule of heauen, sole
daughter and heir to primus motor. The alcumie of his
eloquence out of the incomprehensible drossie matter of
cloudes and aire, distilled no more quintescence than would
make his Geraldine compleat faire. In prayse of the
chamber that was so illuminatiuely honored with her
radiant conception, he penned this sonet.
Faire roome the presence of sweet beauties pride,
The place the Sunne vpon the earth did hold,
When Phaeton his chariot did misguide,
The towre where Ioue raind downe himselfe in golde,




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67


Prostrate as holy ground Ile worship thee,
Our Ladies chappell henceforth be thou namd,
Here first loues Queene put on mortalitie,
And with her beautie all the world inflamd.
Heauens chambers harbering fierie cherubines,
Are not with thee in glorie to compare;
Lightning it is not light which 1 in thee shines,
None enter thee but straight intranced are.
0, if Elizium be aboue the ground,
Then here it is, where nought but ioy is found.
Many other poems and epigrams in that chambers patient
alablaster inclosure (which her melting eies long sithence
had softned) were curiously ingraued. Diamonds thought
theselues Dii mundi, if they might but carue her name on
the naked glasse. With the on it did he anatomize these
body-wanting mots, Dulce puella malum est.2  Quod fugit
ipse sequor. Amor est mihi causa sequedi. 0 infcelix ego.
Cur vidi, cur perii. Non patienter amo.  TantU patiatur
amari. After the view of these veneriall3 monuments, he
published a proud challenge in the Duke of Florence court
against all commers (whether Christians, Turkes, Iewes,
or Saracens, in defence of his Geraldines beautie. More
mildly was it accepted, in that she whom he defended, was
a towne borne child of that citie, or else the pride of the
Italian would haue preuented him ere he should haue come
to performe it. The Duke of Florence neuerthelesse sent'
for him, and demaunded him of his estate, and the reason
that drew him thereto, which when hee was aduertised of
to the full, hee graunted all Countryes whatsoeuer, as well
enemies and outlawes, as friends and confederates, free
accesse and regresse into his dominions vnmolested, vntill
that insolent triall were ended.
1 Lightning... which A: Lightning it is no lightning which B.
2 malum est. A: malnest, B.
3 veneriall A: generall B.




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The right honorable and euer renowmed Lord Henrie
Howard earle of Surrie my singular good Lord and master,
entered the lists after this order. His armour was all
intermixed with lillyes and roses, and the bases thereof
bordered with nettles and weeds, signifieng stings, crosses,
and ouergrowing incumberances in his loue, his helmet
round proportioned lyke a gardners water-pot, from which
seemed to issue forth small thrids of water, like citterne
strings, that not onely did moisten the lyllyes and roses,
but did fructifie as well the nettles and weeds, and made
them ouergrow theyr liege Lords. Whereby he did import
thus much, that the teares that issued from his braines, as
those arteficiall distillations issued from the well counterfeit
water-pot on his head, watered and gaue lyfe as well to his
mistres disdaine (resembled to nettles and weeds) as increase
of glorie to her care-causing beauty (comprehended vnder
the lillies and roses.) The simbole thereto annexed was
this, Ex lachrimis lachrime. The trappings of his horse
were pounced and bolstered out with rough plumed siluer
plush, in full proportion and shape of an Estrich. On the
breast of the horse were the fore-parts of this greedie bird
aduanced, whence as his manner is, hee reacht out his long
necke to the raines of the bridle, thinking they had bin yron,
& styll seemed to gape after the golden bit, and euer as
the courser did raise or coruet, to haue swallowed it halfe in.
His wings, which he neuer vseth but running, beeing spread
full saile, made his lustie stead as proud vnder him as he
had bin some other Pegasus, & so quiueringly and tenderly
were these his broade winges bounde to either side of him,
that as he paced vp and downe the tilt-yard in his maiesty
ere the knights were entered, they seemed wantonly to fan
in his face, and make a flickering sound, such as Eagles doe,
swiftly pursuing their praie in the ayre. On either of his
wings, as the Estrich hath a sharpe goad or pricke wherewith he spurreth himselfe forward in his saile-assisted race,
so this arteficiall Estrich on the inbent knuckle of the




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69


pinion of either wing had embossed christall eyes affixed,
wherein wheelewise were circularly ingrafted sharpe pointed
diamonds, as rayes from those eyes deriued, that like the
rowell of a spur ran deep into his horse sides, and made
him more eager in his course. Such a fine dim shine did
these christall eies and these round enranked diamonds
make through their bolne swelling bowres of feathers, as if
it had bin a candle in a paper lanterne, or. a gloworme
in a bush by night glistering through the leaues & briers.
The taile of the estrich being short and thicke, serued
verie fitly for a plume to tricke vp his horse taile with, so
that euery parte of him was as naturally coapted as might
be. The worde to this deuice was Aculeo alatus, I spread
my wings onely spurd with her eyes. The morall of the
whole is this, that as the estrich, the most burning sighted
bird of all others, insomuch as the female of them hatcheth
not her egs by couering them, but by the effectual rayes
of her eyes, as he, I say, outstrippeth the nimblest trippers
of his feathered condition in footmanship, onely spurd on
with the needle quickning goad vnder his side: so he no
lesse burning sighted than the estrich, spurde oh to the
race of honor by the sweet rayes of his mistres eyes, perswaded himselfe he should outstrip all other in running to
the goale of glorie, onely animated and incited by hir
excellence. And as the estrich will eate yron, swallow anic
hard mettall whatsoeuer, so woulde he refuse no iron2
aduenture, no hard taske whatsoeuer, to sit in the grace of
so fayre a commander. The order of his shielde was this,
it was framed lyke a burning glasse beset rounde with flame
coloured feathers, on the outside whereof was his mistres'
picture adorned as beautifull as arte could portrature, on
the inside a naked sword tyed in a true loue knot, the
mot, Militat omnis amans. Signifieng that in a true loue
knot his sword was tried to defend and maintaine the
features of his mistres.
1 in A: and B.            2 iron A: om. B.




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Next him entered the blacke knight, whose beuer was
pointed all tome & bloudie, as though he had new come
from combatting with a Beare, his head piece seemed to
bee a little ouen fraught full with smoothering flames, for
nothing but sulphur and smoake voided out at the clefts of
his beuer. His bases were all imbrodred with snakes and
adders, ingendered of the aboundance of innocent bloud
that was shed. His horses trappinges were throughout
bespangled with hunnie spottes, which are no blemishes, but
ornaments. On his shield hee bare the Sunne full shining
on a diall at his going downe, the word suficit tandem.
After him followed the knight of the Owle, whose armor
was a stubd tree ouergrowne with iuie, his helmet fashioned
lyke an owle sitting on the top of this iuie, on his bases
were wrought all kinde of birdes as on the grounde
wondering about him; the word, Ideo mirum quia monstrum, his horses furniture was framed like a carte, scattering whole sheaues of come amongst hogs, the word,
Liberalitas liberalitate perit. On his shield a Bee intangled
in sheepes wool, the mot, Frontis nulla fides. The fourth
that succeeded was a wel proportioned knight in an armor
imitating rust, whose head peece was prefigured lyke
flowers growing in a narrowe pot, where they had not anie
space to spread their roots or disperse their flourishing.
His bases embelisht with open armed hands scatring gold 1
amongst trunchions, the word, Cura futuri est. His horse
was harnessed with leaden chaines, hauing the out-side
guilt, or at least saffrond in sted of gilt, to decypher a holy
or golden pretence of a couetous purpose, the sentence,
Cani capilli mei compedes, on his target he had a number
of crawling wormes kept vnder by a blocke, the faburthen
Speramus lucent. The fift was the forsaken knight, whose
helmet was crowned with nothing but cipresse and willow
garlandes, ouer his armour he had Himens 2 nuptiall robe
1 scatring like gold B: scattering golde A.
2 had Hiems B: had on Himenss A.




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7I


died in a duskie yelowe, and all to be defaced and
discoloured with spots and staines. The enigma, Nos
quoque florimus, as who should say, we haue bin in fashion,
his sted was adorned with orenge tawnie eies, such as those
haue that haue the yellow iandies, that make all things
yellow they looke vppon, with this briefe, Qui inuident
egent, those that enuy are hungry. The sixt was the
knight of the stormes, whose helmet was rounde molded
lyke the moone, and all his armor like waues, whereon the
shine of the moone slightly siluerd, perfectly represented
moone-shine in the water, his bases were the bankes or
shores that bounded in the streames. The spoke was this,
Frustra piNts,-as much to saye as fruitlesse seruice. On his
shield hee set foorth a lion driuen from his praie by a
dunghill cock. The word, Non vi sed voce, not by violence
but by voyce. The seuenth had lyke the giants that sought
to scale heauen in despight of lupiter, a mount ouerwhelming
his head and whole bodie. His bases out-laid with armes
and legges, which the skirtes of that mountaine left vncouered, vnder this did he characterise a man desirous to
climbe to the heauen of honour, kept vnder with the
mountaine of his princes command, and yet had he armes
and legs exempted from the suppression of that mountain.
The word Tia mihi criminis author (alluding to his Princes
command) thou art the occasion of my imputed cowardise.
His horse was trapt in the earthie strings of tree rootes,
which though theyr increase was stubbed downe to the
ground, yet were they not vtterly deaded, but hoped for
an after resurrection.  The worde Spe alor, I hope for a
spring. Vpon his shield he bare a ball striken downe with
a mans hand that it might mount. The worde, Ferior vi
efferar, I suffer my selfe to be contemned because I will
climbe. The eight had all his armor throughout engrailed
like a crabbed brierie hawthorne bush, out of which notwithstanding sprong (as a good child of an il father)
fragrant blossomes of delightfull may flowers, that made




72      THE VNFORTVNAT1       TRAVELLER
(according to the nature of may) a most odoriferous smell.
In midst of this his snowie curled top, round wrapped
together, on the ascending of his creast sate a solitarie
nightingale close encaged, with a thorne at her breast,
hauing this mot in her mouth, Luctus monumenta manebunt.
At the foot of this bush represented on his bases, laye a
number of blacke swolne Toads gasping for winde, and
Summer liude gras-hoppers gaping after deaw, both which
were choakt with excessiue drouth for want of shade.
The worde, Non sine vulnere viresco, I spring not without
impedimentes, alluding to the Toads and such lyke that
earst lay sucking at his rootes, but nowe were turnd out,
and neere choakt with drought. His horse was suted in
blacke sandy earth (as adiacent to this bush) which was here
and there patched with short burnt grasse, and as thicke
inke dropped with toiling ants and emets as euer it might
crall, who in the full of the summer moone, (ruddie garnished on his horses forehead) hoorded vp theyr prouision
of graine against winter. The worde, Victrix fortunex
sapientia, prouidence preuents misfortune. On his shield
he set foorth the picture of death doing almes deeds to a
number of poore desolate children. The word, Nemo
alius explicat. No other man takes pittie vpon vs. What
his meaning was herein I cannot imagine, except death had
done him and his brethren some great good turne in ridding
the of some vntoward parent or kinsman that would haue
beene their confusion, for else I cannot see howe death
shoulde haue bin sayd to doe almes deedes, except hee had
depriued them sodainly of their hues, to deliuer them out
of some further miserie, which could not in anie wise bee
because 1 they were yet lyuing.
The ninth was the infant knight, who on his armour
hadde ennameld a poore young infant put into a shippe
without tackling, masts, furniture or anie thing. This
weather-beaten or ill apparelled ship was shadowed on his
1 bee because A: be cause B.




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73


bases, and the slender compasse of his bodie set forth the
right picture of an infant. The waues wherein the ship
was tossed were fretted 1 on his steads trappinges so
mouingly, that euer as he offered to bound or stir,
they seemed to bounse and tosse, and sparkle brine
out of their hoarie siluer billowes, the mot, Inopem
me copia fecit, as much to saye, as the rich pray makes the
theefe.
On his shield he expressed an olde goate that made
a yong tree to wither onely with biting it, the word
thereto, Primo extinguor in Euo. I am frost-bitten ere
I come out of the blade.
It were heretoo tedials.o manifest all the discontented
or amorous deuises that were vsed in this turnament, the
seds one     of someewe I wyl touch to make shor
_wNorke. One bare for his impresse the eyes of young
swallowes comming againe after they were pluckt out,
with this mot, Et addit et addimit, your beautie both
bereaues and restores my sight. Another a syren smiling
when the sea rageth and ships are ouerwhelmed, including
a cruell woman, that laughs, sings, and scornes at her
louers teares, and the tempestes of his despayre, the word,
Cuncta pereunt, all my labor is ill imploide.  A third
being troubled with a curst, a trecherous and wanton wife,
vsed this similitude. On his shield he caused to be limmed
Pompeies ordinance for paracides, as namely a man put
into a sacke with a cocke, a serpent, and an ape, interpreting that his wife was a cocke for her crowing, a serpent for
her stinging, and an ape for her vnconstant wantonnes,
with which ill qualities he was so beset, that therby he was
throwen into a sea of griefe, the word Extremum malorum
mulier, the vtmost of euils is a woman. A fourth, who
being a person of suspected religion, was continually
haunted with intellygencers and spies, that thought to praie
vpon him for that he had, he could not deuise which waie
1 fretted A: fettered B.




74        THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
to shake them off, but by making away that he had. To
obscure this, he vsed no other fansie but a number of
blinde flyes, whose eyes the colde had inclosed, the word
Aurum reddit acutissimum, Gold is the onely phisicke for
the eie-sight.  A fifth, whose mistres was fallen into a
consumption, and yet woulde condescend to no treatie of
loue, emblazoned for his complaint, grapes that withered for
want of pressing. The dittie to the mot, Quid regna sine
vsu. I wil rehearse no more, but I haue an hundred other,
let this bee the vpshot of those shewes, they were the
admirablest that euer Florence yelded.  To particularize
their manner of encounter were to describe the whole art
of tilting. Some had like to haue fallen ouer their horse
neckes, and so breake theyr neckes in breaking theyr staues.
Others ranne at a buckle in sted of a button, and peradventure whetted theyr speares pointes, idlely gliding on
theyr enemies sides, but did no other harme. Others ranne
a crosse at their aduersaryes left elbow, yea, and by your
leaue sometimes let not the lists scape scot-free they were
so eager.  Others because they woulde be sure not to be
vnsadled with the shocke, when they came to the speares
vtmost proofe, they threwe it ouer the right shoulder, and
so tilted backward, for forward they durst not. Another
had a monstrous spite at the pommel of his riuals saddle,
and thought to haue thrust his speare twixt his legs without
rasing anie skin, and carried him clean awaie on it as a
coolestaffe. Another held his speare to his nose, or his
nose to his speare, as though he had bin discharging his
caliuer, and ranne at the right foote of his fellowes stead.
Onely the Earle of Surrie my master obserued the true
measures of honour, and made all his encounterers new
scoure their armor in the dust: so great was his glory
that day, as Geraldine was therby eternally glorifid. Neuer
such a bountiful master came amongst the heralds (not that
he did inrich them with anie plentifull purse largesse) but
that by his sterne assaults he tithed them more rich offals




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of bases, of helmets, of armor, than the rent of their offices
came to in ten yeres before.
What would you haue more, the trumpets proclaimed
him master of the field, the trumpets proclaimed Geraldine
the exceptionlesse fayrest of women. Euerie one striued
to magnifie him more than other.' The Duke of Florence,
whose name (as my memorie serueth me) was Paschal de
Medicis, offered him such large proffers to stay with him, as
it were2 incredible to report.  He would not, his desire
was as he had done in Florence, so to proceed throughout
all the chiefe cities in Italy. If you aske why hee began
not 3 this at Venice first. It was because he would let
Florence, his nistres natiue citie haue the maidenhead of
his chiualrie. As he came backe agayne he thought to
haue enacted some thing there worthie the Annals of
posteritie, but he was debard both of that and all his other
determinations, for continuing in feasting and banketting
with the Duke of Florence and the Princes of Italy there
assembled, post-rhast letters came to him from the king his
master, to returne as speedily as he could possible into
England, whereby his fame was quit cut off by the shins,
and there was no repriue but Bazelus manus, hee must into
England, and I with my curtizan trauelled forward in
Italy. What aduentures happened him after we parted, I
am ignorant, but Florence we both forsooke, and I hauing a
wonderfull ardent inclination to see Rome, thJe Queen of
the world, & metrapolitane mistres of alt-ther cities, made
thether with my bag and baggage as fast as I could.
Attained thether, I was lodged at the house of one
lohannes de Imola a Roman caualiero.  Who being acquainted with my curtisans deceased doting husband, for
his sake vsd vs with all the familiaritie that might be,
he shewed vs all the monumentes that were to bee scene,
1 Euerie one... other. A: om. B.
2 were A: was B.
3 not A: om. B.




76      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
which are as manye as there haue beene Emperours, Consulles, Oratours, Conquerours, famous painters or plaiers in
Rome. Tyll this daie not a Romane (if he be a right
Romane indeed) will kill a rat, but he will haue some
registred remembraunce of it.
There was a poore fellowe during my remainder there,
that for a newe tricke that hee had inuented of killing
Cymeses and scorpions, had his montebanke banner hung
vp on a high piller, with an inscription about it longer
than the king of Spaines stile.  I thought these Cymesses
lyke the Cimbrians, hadde beene some straunge Nation
hee hadde brought vnder, and they were no more but
thinges lyke lice,' which aliue haue the most venimous
sting that maye bee, and beeing dead, doe stinke out of
measure, Saint Austen compareth heretikes vnto them.
The chiefest thing that my eyes delighted in, was the church
of the seuen Sibels, which is a most miraculous thing. All
their prophesies and oracles being there inrolde, as also
the beginning and ending of theyr whole catalogue of the
heathen Gods, with theyr manner of worship. There are
a number of other shrines and statues dedicated to the
Emperours, and withall some statues of idolatrie reserued
for detestation.
-    -  I was at Pontius Pilates house and pist against it. The
name of the place I remember not, but it is as one goes to
Saint Paules Church not farre from the iemmes Piazza.
There is the prison yet packt vp together (an olde rotten
thing) wher the man that was condemned to death, and
coulde haue no bodie come to him and succour him but
was searcht, was kepte aliue a long space by sucking his
daughters breasts. These are but the shoppe dust of the
sights that I sawe, and in truth I did not beholde with
anie care hereafter to report, but contented my eie for the
present, & so let them passe: should I memorize halfe
the miracles which they there tolde mee had beene done
1 lice B: sheepe-lice A.




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about martyrs tombes, or the operations of the earth of the
sepulchre, and other relikes brought from Ierusalem, I
shoulde bee counted the monstrous lyer that euer came in
print. The ruines of Pompeies theater, reputed one of the
nine woders of the world, Gregori y sixths tombe, Priscillas
grate, or the thousands of pillers arrered amongst the
raced foundations' of olde Rome, it were friuolous to
specifie, since he that hath but once dronke with a traueller
talks of them. Let me be a historiographer of my owne
misfortunes, and not meddle with the continued Trophees
of so olde a triumphing Citie.
At my first comming to Rome, I being, a youth of the
English cut, ware my haire long, went apparelled in light
colours, and imitated foure or flue sundry nations in my
attire at once: which no sooner was noted, but I had all
the boies of the citie in a swarme wondering about me.
I hadde not gone a little farther, but certaine officers
croste the waie of mee, and demaunded to see my rapier:
which when they found (as also my dagger) with his point
vnblunted, they wold haue halde me headlong to the Strappado, but that with money I appeased them: and my fault
was more pardonable in that I was a stranger, altogether
ignorant of their customes. Note by the waye that it is
the vse in Rome, for all men whatsoeuer to weare their haire
short: which they doe not so much for conscience sake, or
any religion they place in it, but because the extremitie of
the heate is such there, that if they should not doe so, they
should not haue a haire left on their heads to stand vpright
when they were scard with sprights. And hee is counted
no Gentleman amongest them that goes not in blacke:
they dresse theyr iesters and fooles only in fresh colours,
and saie variable garments doe argue vnstaiednes and vnconstancie of affections.
The reason of theyr straight ordinaunce for carrying
weapons without points is this: The Bandettos, which are
certayne outlawes that lie betwixt Rome and Naples, and




78     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
besiege the passage that none can trauell that waie without
robbing. Nowe and then hired for some few crownes,
they will steale to Rome and do a murther, and betake
them to their heeles againe. Disguised as they goe, they
are not knowen from strangers, sometimes they will
shroude themselues vnder the habite of graue citizens. In
this consideration neither citizen or stranger, gentleman,
knight, marques, or anie may weare anie weapon endamageable vpon paine of the Strappado.  I bought it out, let
others buy experience of mee better cheape.
To tell you of the rare pleasures of their gardens, theyr
bathes, theyr vineyardes, theyr galleries, were to write a
seconde part of the gorgeous Gallerie of gallant deuices.
Why, you should not come into anie mannes house of account, but hee hadde fish-pondes and little orchardes on
the toppe of his 1 leads. If by raine or any other meanes
those ponds were so full they need to be slust or let out,
euen of their superfluities they made melodious vse, for
they had great winde instruments in stead of leaden
spoutes, that went duly on consort, onely with this waters
rumbling discent. I sawe a summer banketting house
belonging to a merchaunt, that was the meruaile of the
world, & could not be matcht except God should make
another paradise. It was builte round of greene marble,
like a Theater with-out: within there was a heauen and
earth comprehended both vnder one roofe, the heauen was
a cleere ouerhanging vault of christall, wherein the Sunne
and Moone, and each visible Starre had his true similitude, shine, scituation, and motion, and by what enwrapped
arte I cannot conceiue, these spheares in their proper orbes
obserued their circular wheelinges and turnings, making a
certaine kinde of soft angelical murmering musicke in their
often windings & going about, which musick the philosophers say in the true heauen by reason of the grosenes
of our senses we are not capable of. For the earth it was
1his A: theyr B.




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counterfeited in that liknes that Adam lorded out it before
his fall. A wide vast spacious roome it was, such as we
would conceit prince Arthurs hall to be, where he feasted
all his knights of the round table together euerie penticost.
The flore was painted with the beautifullest flouers that
euer mans eie admired which so linealy were delineated,
that he that viewd them a farre off and had not directly
stood poaringly ouer them, would haue sworne they had
liued in deede. The wals round about were hedgde with
Oliues and palme trees, and all other odoriferous fruitbearing plants, which at anie solemne intertainment dropt
mirrhe and frankensence.  Other trees that bare no fruit,
were set in iust order one against another, & diuided the
roome into a number of shadie lanes, leauing but one ouer
spreading pine tree arbor, where wee sate and banketted.
On the wel clothed boughs of this conspiracie of pine trees
against the resembled Sun beames, were pearcht as many
sortes of shrill breasted birdes as the Summer hath allowed
for singing men in hir siluane chappels. Who though there
were bodies without soules, and sweete resembled substances
without sense, yet by the mathemeticall experimentes of
long siluer pipes secretlye inrinded in the intrailes of the
boughs whereon they sate, and vndiscerneablie conuaid
vnder their bellies into their small throats sloaping, they
whistled and freely carold theyr naturall field note. Neyther went those siluer pipes straight, but by many edged
vnsundred writhings, & crankled wanderinges a side strayed
from bough to bough into an hundred throats. But into
this siluer pipe so writhed and wandering aside, if anie
demand how the wind was breathed. Forsoth y tail of the
siluer pipe stretcht it selfe into the mouth of a great paire
of belowes, where it was close soldered, and bailde a bout
with yron, it coulde not stirre or haue anie vent betwixt.
Those bellowes with the rising and falling of leaden plummets wounde vp on a wheele, dyd beate vp and downe
vncessantly, and so gathered in wind, seruing with one




80      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
blast all the snarled pipes to and fro of one tree at once.
But so closely were all those organizing implements obscured in the corpulent trunks of the trees, that euerie man
there present renounst coniectures of art, and sayd it was
done by inchantment.
One tree for his fruit bare nothing but inchained chirping
birdes, whose throates beeing conduit pipt with squared
narrowe shels, & charged siring-wise with searching sweet
water, driuen in by a little wheele for the nonce, that fed it
a farre of, made a spirting sound, such as chirping is in
bubling vpwards through the rough crannies of their closed
bills. Vnder tuition of the shade of euerie tree that I haue
signified to be in this round hedge, on delightful leuie
cloisters lay a wylde tyranous beast asleepe all prostrate:
vnder some two together, as the Dogge nusling his nose
vnder the necke of the Deare, the Wolfe glad to let the
Lambe lye vpon hym to keepe him warme, the Lyon
suffering the Asse to cast hys legge ouer him: preferring
one honest vnmannerly friende, before a number of croutching picke-thankes. No poysonous beast there reposed,
(poyson was not before our parent Adam transgressed).
There were no sweete-breathing Panthers, that would hyde
their terrifying heads to betray: no men imitating Hyenaes,
that chaunged their sexe to seeke after bloud. Wolues as
now when they are hungrie eate earth, so then did they
feed on earth only, and abstained from innocent flesh. The
Vnicorne did not put his home into the streame to chase
awaye venome before hee dronke, for then there was no
suche thing extant in the water or on the earth. Serpents
were as harmlesse to mankinde, as they are still one to
another: the rose had no cankers, the leues no caterpillers,
the sea no Syrens, the earth no vsurers. Goats then bare
wooll, as it is recorded in Sicily they doo yet. The torride
Zone was habitable: only Iayes loued to steale gold and
siluer to build their nests withall, and none cared for
couetous clientrie, or runing to the Indies. As the Elephant




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER               81
vnderstands his countrey speach, so cuerie beast vnderstood
what man spoke. The ant did not hoord vp against winter,
for there was no winter but a perpetuall spring, as Ouid
sayth. No frosts to make the greene almound tree
counted rash and improuident, in budding soonest of all
other: or the mulberie tree a strange polititian, in blooming
late and ripening early. The peach tree at the first planting
was fruitfull and wholsome, whereas now till it be transplanted, it is poisonous and hatefull: young plants for their
sap had balme, for their yeolow gumme glistering amber.
The euening deawd not water on flowers, but honnie.
Such a olen age, such a good age such an honest agewas
seT forth nthis banktti  house. O Rome, if thou hast
iriTee such soul exalting obiects, Vht-a thing is heauen in
comparison of thee? Of which Mercators globe is a perfecter
modell than thou art: yet this I must saie to the shame of
vs protestants, if good workes may merite heauen they
doe thenmjwe talle of them.~e-Whehr supersticion or no
makes them vnproltable seruants, that let pulpits decide:
but there you shall haue the brauest ladies, in gownes of
beaten golde washing pilgrimes & poore souldiers feete,
and doing nothing they and their waiting maides all the
yeare long, but making shirts and bands for them against
they come by in distresse. Their hospitals are more lyke
noble mens houses than otherwise, so richly furnished,
cleane kept, and hot perfumed, that a souldier would thinke /
it a sufficient recompence for all his trauell and his wounds,
to haue such a heauenly retyring place. For the pope
and his pontificalibus I will not deale with, onely I will
~dilate vnto you what happened whilest I was in Rome.
So it fel out, that it being a vehement hot summer when
I was a soiourner there, there entered such a hotspurd
plague as hath not bin heard of: why it was but a word
and a blowe, Lord haue mercie vpon vs and he was gone.
Within three quarters of a yeere in that one citie there died
of it a hundred thousand looke in Lanquets chronicle and
6




82      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
you shall finde it. To smell of a nosegay that was poisond,
and tume your nose to a house that had the plague, it was
all one.  The clouds like a number of cormorants that
keepe their corne til it stinke and is mustie, kept in their
stinking exhalations till they had almost stifeled all Romes
inhabitants. Phisitions greedines of golde made them
greedie of their destinie. They would come to visit those
with whose infirmitie their art had no affinitie, and euen
as a man with a fee should be hired to hang himselfe, so
would they quietly go home and die presently after they
had bin with their patients. All daye and all night long
carre-men did nothing but go vp and downe the streets
with their carts and cry, Haue you anie dead bodies to
bury and had many times 7i~o-f ione house their whole
loding: one graue was the sepulchre of seuen score, one
bed was the alter whereon whole families were offered.
The wals were hoard and furd with the moist scorching
steame of their desolation. Even as before a gun is shot
off, a stinking smoake funnels out, and prepares the way for
him, so before any gaue vp the ghost, death araid in a
stinking smoak stopt his nostrels, and cramd it selfe 1 ful
into his mouth that closed vp his fellows eyes, to giue him
warning to prepare for his funeral. Some dide sitting at
their meat, others as they were asking counsell of the
phisition for theyr friends. I sawe at the house where I
was hosted a maide bring her master warme broth for to
comfort him, and shee sinke downe dead her selfe ere he
had halfe eate it vp.
During this time of visitation, there was a Spaniard, one
Esdras of Granado, a notable Bandetto, authorised by the
pope, because he had assisted him in some murthers. This
villain colleagued with one Bartol a desperate Italian,
practised to breake into those riche mens houses in the
night where the plague had most rained, and if there were
none but the mistres and maide left aliue, to rauish them
1 selfe A: om. B.




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both, & bring awaie all the wealth they could fasten on.
In an hned chiefe citizens houses where the hand of God
had bene they put this outrage in vre. Though the women
so rauished cride out, none durst come neere them for feare
of catching their deaths by them,.and some thought they
cried out onely with the tyrannie of the maladie. Amongst
the rest, the house where I lay he inuaded, where al being
snatcht vp by sicknes but the good wife of the house, a
noble & chaste matrone called Heraclide and her zanie, and
I and my curtizan, hee knocking at the doore late in the
night, ranne in to the matrone, and left me and my loue to
the mercie of his companion. Who finding me in bed (as
the time requird) ranne at me ful with his rapier, thinking
I would resist him, but as good luck was I escapt him, and
betooke me to my pistoll in the window vncharged. He,
fearing it had beene charged, threatned to runne her through
if I once offered but to aime at him. Foorth the chamber
hee dragde her, holding his rapier at her heart, whilest
I cride out, Saue her, kill me, and Ile ransome her with a
thousande duckets: but lust preuailed, no prayers woulde
be heard. Into my chamber I was lockte, and watchmen
charged -(as hee made semblaunce when there was none
there) to knocke mee downe with theyr halberdes if I stirde
but a foote downe the stayres. Then threw I my selfe pensiue againe on my pallate, and darde all the deuiles in hell
nowe I was alone to come and fight with mee one after
another in defence of that detestable rape. I beat my
head against the wals & cald them bauds,because they would
see such a wrong committed, and not fall vppon him. To
returne to Heraclide below, whom the vgliest of all bloud
suckers Esdras of Granado had vnder shrift.  First he
assayled her with rough meanes, and slue hir Zanie at hir
foote, that stept before hir in rescue. Then when all armed
resist was put to flight, he assaied her with honie speech, &
promised her more iewells and giftes than hee was able to
1charged 4 om. B.




84      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVEJLLER
pilfer in an hundred yeres after. He discourst vnto her how
he was countenanced and borne out by the pope, and how
many execrable murthers with impunitie he had executed
on them that displeasde him. This is the eight score house
(quoth he) that hath done homage vnto me, & here I will
preuaile, or I will bee torne in pieces. Ah quoth Heraclide
(with a hart renting sigh), art thou ordaind to be a worse
plague to me than y plague it selfe? Haue I escapt
the hands of God to fal into y hands of man? Heare me
Iehouah, & be merciful in ending my miserie. Dispatch
me incontinent dissolute homicide deaths vsurper. Here
lies my husband stone colde on the dewie floore. If thou
beest of more power than God, to strike me speedily, strike
home, strike deepe, send me to heauen with my husband.
Aie me, it is the spoil of my honor thou seekest in my
soules troubled departure, thou art some deuill sent to
tempt me. Auoid from me sathan, my soule is my sauiours,
to him I haue bequeathed it, from him can no man take it.
Iesu lSipadfiled for thy spouse, Iesu, Iesu
neuer faile those that put their trust in thee. With that
she fell in a sowne, and her eies in their closing seemed to
spaune forth in their outward sharpe corners new created
seed pearle, wm]   world before neuer set eie on. Soone
he rigorously reuiued her, & told her y he had a charter
aboue scripture, she must yeld, she should yeld,1 see who
durst remoue her out of his hands. Twixt life and death
thus she faintly replied. How thinkest thou, is there a
power aboue thy power, ifj )er     s:  re-present in
punis /ient, an on thee will take present punishment if
thou persistest in thy enterprise. In the time of securitie
euerie man sinneth, but when death substitutes one
frend his special baily to arrest another by infection,
and dispearseth his quiuer into ten thousande hands at
once, who is it but lookes about him? A man that hath
an vneuitable huge stone hanging only by a haire ouer
1 she should yeld, A orm. B




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER


85


his head, which he lokes euerie Pater noster while to fall
and pash hil in peeces, will not he be submissiuely sorrowfull for his trans-gressions, refraine himselfe from the least
thought of folly, and purifie his spirit with contrition and
penitence? G dshandlike a huge stone hangs ineuitabl
ouer thy  ad: what is the plague, but death playing the
Prouost Marshall, to execute all those that will not be
called home by anie other meanes? This my dere knights
bodie is a quiuer of his arrowes which alreadie are shot
into thee inuisibly. Euen as the age of goats is knowen
by the knots on their homes, so thinke the anger of God
apparantly visioned or showne vnto thee in the knitting
of my browes. A hunded haue- I bur44-ut~nyhouse
at all whose departures I haue been present: a hundreds
infection is mixed with my breath: loe, now I breath
vpon thee, a hundred deaths colle vppon thee.  Rep
be[imes, imagine there is a hell though not a heauen:
that hell thy conscience is thoroughly acquainted with, if
thou hast murdered half so manie, as thou vnblushingly
braggest. As Meccenas in the latter end of his daies was
seuen yeres without sleepe, so these seuen weeks haue I
tooke no slumber, my eyes haue kept continuall watch
against the diuell my enemie: death I deemed my frend
(frends flye from vs in aduersitie), death, the diuell, and all
the ministring spirits of temptation are watching about
thee to intrap thy soule (by my abuse) to eternall damnation. It is thy soule thou maist saue, onely by sauing mine
honour. Deatw     haue thy bodie infalllf6or breaking
into my house, that he had selected for his priuate habitation. If thou euer camst of a woman, or hopest to be
saued by the seed of a woman, pittie a woman. Deares
oppressed with dogges, when they cannot take soyle, run
to men for succour: to whom should women in theyr disconsolate and desperate estate run, but to Men (like the
Deare) for succour and sanctuarie. If thou be a man, thou; the A: om. B.




86       'HE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
wilt succour mee, but if thou be a dog and a brute beast,
thou wilt spoile mee, defile mee, and teare me: either renounce Gods image, or renounce the wicked mind thou
bearest.
These words might haue mooud a compound hart of
yron and adamant, but in his hart they obtained no impression: for he sitting in his chaire of state against the
doore all the while that she pleaded, leaning his ouer-hanging gloomie ey-browes on the pommell of his vnsheathed
sword, he neuer lookt vp or gaue hir a word: but when he
perceiued she expected his answer of grace or vtter
perdition, he start vp and tooke her currishly by the neck,
asking how long he should stay for hir Ladiship. Thou
telst me (quoth he) of the plague, & the heauie hand of
God, and thy hundred infected breaths in one: I tel thee I
haue cast the dice an hundred times for the gallies in Spaine,
and yet still mist the ill chance. Our order of casting is
this, If there be a Generall or Captaine new come home
from the warres, & hath some 4. or 500. crownes ouerplus of the Kings in his hand, and his soldiers all paid, he
makes proclamation, thatwhatsoeuer two resolute men will
goe to dice for it, and win the bridle or lose the saddle, to
such a place let them repaire, and it shall be readie for
them. Thither go I, and finde another such needie squire
resident. The dice run, I win he is vndone. I winning
haue the crownes, hee loosing is carried to the Galleyes.
This is our custome, which a hundred times and more hath
paid me custome of crownes, when the poore fellowes haue
gone to Gehenna, had course bread and whipping chere al
their life after. Now thinkest thou that I who so oft haue
',escaped such a number of hellish dangers, onely depending
vppon the turning of a fewe prickes, can bee scare-bugd
with the plague? what plague canst thou name worse than
I haue had? whether diseases, imprisonment, pouertie,
banishment, I haue past through them all. My owne
mother gaue I a boxe of the eare too, and brake her necke




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87


downe a paire of staires, because she would not goe into
a Gentleman when I bad her: my sister I sold to an old
Leno to make his best of her: anie kinswoman that I
haue knew I she were not a whore, my selfe would make
her one: tho tartawhoethou shalt -bea_ whohrein spite
of religion, Qr precise ceremonies.
Therewith he flew vpon her, and threatned her with his
sword, but it was not that he meant to wound her with.
He graspt her by the yuorie throat, and shooke her as a
mastiffe would shake a yong beare, swearing and staring he
would teare out her weasand if shee refused. Not content
with that sauage constraint, he slipt his sacriligius hand
from her lilly lawne skinned necke, and inscarft it in her long
siluer lockes, which with strugling were vnrould. Backward he dragd her euen as a man backwarde would plucke
a tree downe by the twigs, and then like a traitor that is
drawen to execution on a hurdle, he traileth her vp and
down the chamber by those tender vntwisted braids, and
setting his barbarous foote on her bare snowy breast, bad
her yeld or haue her winde stampt out. She cride, stamp,
stifle me in my haire, hang me vp by it on a beame, and
so let me die, rather than I should goe to heauen with a
beame in my eye. No quoth he, nor stampt, nor stifled,
nor hanged, nor to heauen shalt thou go till I haue had my
wil of thee thy busie armes in these silken fetters Ile
infold. Dismissing her haire from his fingers, and pinnioning her elbowes therwithall, she strugled, she wrested, but
all was in vaine. So strugling, and so resisting, her iewels did
sweate, signifying there was poison coming towards her.
On the hard boords he threw her, and vsed his knee as an
yron ramme to beat ope the two leavd gate of her chastitie.
Her husbands dead bodie he made a pillow to his abhomination. Coniecture the rest, my words sticke fast in
the myre and are cleane tyred, would I had neuer
vndertooke this tragicall tale.  Whatsoeuer is borne,
is borne to haue an end. Thus ends my tale, his




88      THE VNFORTVNAT'E TRAVEILLtR
whorish 1 lust was glutted, his beastly desire satisfied:
what in the house of anie worth was carriageable, he put
vp, and went his way.
Let not your sorrow die: you that haue read the proenle
of the narration of this eligiacall historie. Shew you haue
quick wits in sharp conceipt of compassion. A woman
that hath viewed all her children sacrificed before her eyes,
& after the first was slaine, wyped the sword with her apron
to prepare it for the cleanly murther of the second, and so
on forward till it come to the empiercing of the seuenteenth
of her loynes, will not you giue her great allowance of
anguish? This woman, this natrone, this forsaken Heraclide, hauing buried fourteene children in flue daies, whose
eyes she howlingly closed, & caught manie wrinckles with
funerall kisses: besides, hauing her husband within a day
after laid forth as a comfortles corse, a carrionly blocke,
that could neither eate with her, speak with her, nor weepe
with her, is she not to bee borne withall, though her body
swell with a Timpany of teares, thogh her speech be as
impatient as vnhappie Hecubas, thogh her head raues, and
her braine doate? Deuise with your selues that you see a
corse rising from his hierce after he is caried to church, &
such another suppose Heraclide to be, rising from the couch
of enforced adulterie.
Her eies wer dim, her cheeks bloodies, her breath smelt
earthy, her countnance was gastly. Vp she rose after she
was deflowred, but loath she arose, as a reprobate soule
rising to the day of iudgement. Looking on the tone
side as she rose, she spide her husbands bodie lying vnder
her head: ah then she bewailed, as Cephalus when he had
kild Procris vnwittingly, or Oedipus when ignorantly he
had slaine his father, & known his mother incestuously:
this was her subdued resons discourse.
Haue I livd to make my husbands bodie the beere to
carrie mee to hell? had filthy pleasure no other pillow to
1 whorish B: boorish A




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89


leane vpon but his spredded liins? On thy flesh my fault
shall be imprinted at the day of resurrection. O beautie,
the bait ordained to insnare the irreligious: rich men are
robd for their welth, women are dishonested for being too
fair. No blessing is beautie but a curse: curst be the
time that euer I was begoen, curst the time that my
Mother brought mee foorth to tempt. The serpent in
paradice did no more, the serpent in paradice is damned
sempiternally: why should not I hold my selfe damned (if
predestinations opinions be true) that am predestinate to
this horrible abuse. The hog dieth presently if he looseth
an eye: with the hog haue I wallowed in the myre, I haue
lost my eye of honestie, it is cleane pluckt out with a strong
hand of vnchastitie: what remaineth but I dye? Die I will,
though life be vnwilling: no recompence is there for me
to redeeme my compelled offence, but with a rigorous compelled death. Husband, Ile bee thy wife in Heauen: let
not thy pure deceased spirit despise me when we meet,
because I am tyranously polluted. The diuell, the belier of
our frailtie, and common accuser of mankinde, cannot accuse
mee though hee would of vnconstrained submitting. If anie
guilt be mine, this is my fault, that I did not deforme my
face, ere it should so impiouslie allure. Hauing passioned
thus awhile, she hastely ran and lookt hir selfe in hir glasse,
to see if her sin were not written on her forhead: with
looking shee blusht, though none lookt vpon her, but her
owne reflected image.
Then began she againe. Hct quam difficile est crimen
non prodere vultu: How hard is it not to bewray a mlans
falt by his forhead. My selfe doo but behold my selfe, and
yet I blush: then God beholding me, shall not I be ten
times more ashamed? The Angels shall hisse at me, the
Saints and Martyrs flye from me: yea, God himselfe shall
adde to the diuels damnation, because he suffered such a
wicked creature to come before him. Agamemnon, thou
wert an infidell, yet when thou wentst to the Troian warre,




90      THE VNiORTVNATE TRAVELLER
thou leftst a musitian at home with thy Wife, who by
playing the foote Spondcaus till thy retourne, might keepe
her in chastitie. My husband going to warre with the
diuell and his enticements, when hee surrendred left no
musition with me, but mourning and melancholy: had he
left anie, as zEgistus kild Agamemnons Musitian ere he could
be succesfull, so surely would hee haue been kild ere this
AEgistus surceased.  My distressed heart as the Hart when
as hee looseth his homes is astonied, and sorrowfullie runneth to hide himselfe, so be thou afflicted and distressed,
hide thy selfe vnder the Almighties wings of mercie: sue,
plead, intreate, grace is neuer denied to them that aske.
It may be denied, I maie be a vessell ordained to dishonor.
The onely repeale we haue from Gods vndefinite chastisement, is to chastise our selues in this world: and I will,
nought but death be my pennance, gracious and acceptable
maie it be: my hand and my knife shall manumit mee out
of the horrour of minde I endure. Fare-well, life, that hast
lent me nothing but sorrowe. Fare-well sinne-sowed flesh,
that hast more weedes than flowers, more woes than ioies.
Point pierce, edge enwiden, I patiently affoorde thee a
sheath: spurre forth my soule to mount poste to heauen.
Iesu forgiue me, Iesu receive me.
So (throughlie stabd) fell she downe, and knockt her
head against her husbands bodie: wherwith, he not hauing
been aired his ful foure and twentie howres, start as out of
a dreame: whiles I thorough a crannie of my vpper chamber vnseeled, had beheld all this sad spectacle. Awaking, he
rubbed his head too and fro, and wyping his eyes with his
hand began to looke about him. Feeling some thing lie
heauie on his breast, he turned it off, and getting vpon his
legs lighted a candle.
Here beginneth my purgatorie. For hee good man
comming into the hall with the candle, and spying his wife
with hir haire about hir eares defiled and massacred, and
his simple Zanie Capestrano runne through, tooke a halberd




THE VNFORT\VN-ATE TRAVELLER


9I.


in his hand, and running from chamber to chamber to serch
who in his house was likelie to doo it, at length found me
lying on my bed, the doore lockt to me on the out-side, and
my rapier vnsheathed in the window: wherewith he straight
coniectured it was I. And calling the neighbours hard by,
said, I had caused my self to be lockt into my chamber after
that sort, sent a way my Curtizane whom I called my wife,
and made clean my rapier, because I would not be suspected.
Vppon this was I laide in prison, should haue been
hanged, was brought to the ladder, had made a Ballad for
my Farewell in a readines called Wiltons wantonncs, and
yet for all that scapde dauncing in a hempen circle. He
that hath gone through many perils and returned safe from
them, makes but a merriment to dilate them. I had the
knot vnder my eare, there was faire plaie, the hangman had
one halter, another about my necke was fastned to the
gallowes, the riding deuice was almost thrust home, and his
foote on my shoulder to presse me downe, when I made my
saint-like confession as you haue heard before, that such and
such men at such an howre brake into the house, slew the
Zanie, took my Curtizan, lockt me into my chamber, rauisht
Heraclide, and finallie how she slew her selfe.
Present at the execution was there a banisht English
Earle, who hearing th at a Countrey-man of his was to suffer
for such a notable murder, came to heare his confession, and.
see if he knew him. He had not heard me tell halfe of
that I haue recited, but he craued audience, and desired
the execution might be staid.
Not two daies since it is, Gentlemen and noble Romanes
(said he) since going to be let blood in a Barbars shop
against the infection, all on sodaine in a great tumult and
vproare was there brought in, one Bartoll an Italian greeuously wounded and bloodie.  I seeming to commiserate
his harmes, curteously questiond him with what ill debters
he had met, or how or by what casualtie he came to bee so




92     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
arraid? O (quoth he) long haue I liued sworne brothers in
sensualitie with one Esdras of Granado: fue hundred rapes
and murders haue we committed betwixt vs. When our
iniquities were growen to the height, and God had determined to counterchecke our amitie, we came to the house
of Iohanu.es de Imola (whom this yong Gentleman hath
named) there did he iustifie all those rapes in manner and
forme as the prisoner here hath confest. But loe an accident
after, which neyther he nor this audience is priuie too.
Esdras of Granado not content to haue rauisht the Matrone
Heraclide and robd her, after he had betook him from thence
to his heeles, lighted on his companion Bartol with his Curtizan: whose pleasing face he had scarce whinkingly glanst
on, but he pickt a quarrell with Bartsll to haue her from
him. On thys quarrell they fought, Bartoll was wounded
to the death, Esdras fled, and the faire dame left to go
whether she would. This, Bartoll in the Barbars shop
freely acknowledged, as both the Barbar and his man and
other here present can amplie depose.
Deposed they were, their oaths went for currant, I was
quit by proclamation: to the banisht Earle I came to
render thankes, when thus he examined and schoold me.
Countriman, tell me what is the occasion of thy straying
so farre out of England, to visit this strange Nation? If it
bee languages, thou maist learne them at home, nought but
lasciuiousnesse is to bee learned here. Perhaps, to be better
accounted of, than other of thy condition, thou anbitiously
vndertakest this voyage: these insolent fancies are but
Icarus feathers, whose wanton waxe melted against the
Sunne, will betray thee into a sea of confusion.
The first traueller was Cain, and he was called a vagabond runnagate on the face of the earth. Trauaile (like
the trauaile wherein smithes put wilde horses when they shoo
them) is good for nothing but to tame and bring men vnder.
God had no greater curse to lay vpon the Israelites,
than by leading them out of their owne countrey to liue




THE VX'FORTI'-ATE TRAVEI,LER


93


as slaues in a strange land. That which was their curse,
we Englishmen count our chicfe blessednes, hee is no bodie
that hath not traueld: wee had rather liue as slaues in another land, croutch and cap, and be seruile to euerie ielous
Italians and proud Spaniards humor, where we may neither
speak looke nor doo anie thing, but what pleaseth them:
than liue as freemen and Lords in our owne Countrey.
He that is a traueller must haue the backe of an asse to
beare all, a tung like the taile of a dog to flatter all, the
mouth of a hogge to eate what is set before him, the eare
of a merchant to heare all and say nothing: and if this be
not the highest step of thraldome, there is no libertie or
freedome.
It is but a milde kinde of subiection to be the seruant of
one master at once, but when thou hast a thousand thousand masters, as the veriest botcher, tinker or cobler free
borne will dominere ouer a forreiner, and thinke to bee his
better or master in companie; then shalt thou finde there
is no such hell, as to leaue thy fathers house (thy naturall
habitation) to liue in the land of bondage.
If thou doost but lend half a looke to a Romans or
Italians wife, thy porredge shalbe prepared for thee, and
cost thee nothing but thy lyfe. Chance some of them
breake a bitter iest on thee, and thou retortst it seuerely,
or seemest discontented: goe to thy chamber, and prouide
a great banket, for thou shalt be sure to be visited with
guests in a mask the next night, when in kindnes and
courtship thy throat shall be cut, and the dooers returne
vndiscouered. Nothing so long of memorie as a dog, these, Italians are old dogs, & will carrie an iniurie a whole age
in memorie: I haue heard of a boxe on the eare that hath
'been reuenged thirtie yeare after. The Neapolitane carrieth
the bloodiest mind, and is the most secret fleering murdrer: whereupon it is growen to a common prouerbe, Ile
giue him the Neapolitan shrug, when one intends to play
the villaine, and make no boast of it.




94      THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
The onely precept that a traueller hath most vse of, and
shall finde most ease in, is that of Epicharchus, Vigila, &
memor sis ne quid credas: Beleeue nothing, trust no jnaln
yet seeme thou as-thou swallowedst al, suspectedst none,
but wert easie to be gulled by euerie one. Multi fallere -ocuerunt (as Seneca saith) dium timent falli: Manie by showing their ielous suspect of deceit, haue made men seek
more subtill meanes to deceiue them.
Alas, our Englishmen are the plainest dealing soules that: euer God put life in: they are greedie of newes, and loue to
bee fed in their humors, and heare themselues flattred the
best that may be. Euen as Philemon a Comick Poet died
with extreme laughter at the conceit of seeing an asse eate
figs: so haue the Italians no such sport, as to see poore
English asses, how soberlie they swallow Spanish figges,
deuoure anie hooke baited for them. He is not fit to trauell,
that cannot with the Candians liue on serpents, make
nourishing food euen of poison. Rats and mice ingender
by licking one another, he must licke, he must croutch,
he must cog, lye and prate, that either in the Court or a
forren Countrey will ingender and come to preferment. Be
his feature what it will, if he be faire spoken he winneth
frends: Non formosus erat, sed erat facundus Vlysses:
Vlysses the long Traueller was not amiable, but eloquent.
Some alledge, they trauell to learne wit, but I am of this
opinion, that as it is not possible for anie man to learne
the Art of Memorig, whereof Tully, Quintillian, Seneca:and kermannus Buschius haue written so manie Bookes,
except hee-haue a naturall memorie before, so is it not
possible for anie man to attain anie great wit by trauell,
except he haue the grounds of it rooted in him before.
That wit which is thereby to be perfected or made staid, is
nothing but Experientia longa malorum, the experience of
manie euils: The experience that such a man lost his life
by this folly, another by that: such a yong Gallant consumed his substaunce on such a Curtizan: these courses of




THE V`NFORTVNATE TRAVELLER                 95
reuenge a Merchant of Venice tooke against a Merchant of
Ferrara: and this poynt of iustice was shewed by the
Duke vpon the murtherer. What is here but we may
read in bookes, and a great deale more too, without stirring
our feete out of a warme Studie.
Vobis alii ventorum prelia narrent,  (saith Oilid,)
Quasque Scilla in/estat, quasue Charybdis aquas.
Let others tell you wonders of the winde,
How Scilla or Charybdis is inclinde.
-vos quod quisque loquetur
Credite. Beleeue you what they say, but neuer trie.
'So let others tell you strange accidents, treasons, poyson*ings, close packings in France, Spaine, and Italy: it is.no harme for you to heare of them, but come not nere:them.. What is there in Fraiunce to bee learned more than in.England, but falshood in fellowship, perfect slouenrie, to,loue no man but for my pleasure, to sweare Ah par la mort,Dieu when a mans hammnes are scabd. For the idle
Traueller, (I meane not for the Souldiour) I haue knowen
some that haue continued there by the space of halfe a
dozzen yeares, and when they come home, they haue hid
a little weerish leane face vnder a broad French bat, kept
a terrible coyle with the dust in the streete in their long
cloakes of gray paper, and spoke1 English strangely.
Nought els haue they profited by their trauell, saue learnt
to distinguish of the true Burdeaux Grape, and knowe a
cup of neate Gascoigne wine, from wine of Orleance: yea
~ and peraduenture this also, to esteeme of the pox as a,/
pimple, to weare a veluet patch on their face, and walke
melancholy with their Armes folded.
' From Spaine what bringeth our Traueller? a scull
~crownd hat of the fashion of an olde deepe porringer,
1 spoke A: speake B.




96     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
a dinlinutiue Alcermans ruffe with short strings like the
droppings of a mans nose, a close-bellied dublet comming
downe with a peake behinde as farre as the crupper, and
cut off before by the brest-bone like a partlet or neckercher,
a wide paire of gascoynes, which vngatherd wold make a
couple of womens ryding kirtles, huge hangers that haue
half a cow hide in them, a rapier that is lineally descended
from halfe a dozen Dukes at the least. Iet his cloake be
as long or as short as you will: if long, it is faced with
Turkey grogeran raueld: if short, it hath a cape like a
Calues tung, and is not so deepe in his whole length, nor
hath so much cloath in it I will iustifie, as only the standing cape of a Dutchmans cloke, I haue not yet tutcht all,
for he hath in either shoo as much taffatie for his tyings as
wold serue for an ancient, which serueth him (if you wil
haue the mysterie of it) of the owne accord for a shoo-rag.
A soldier & a braggart he is (thats concluded) he ietteth
strouting, dancing on hys toes with his hands vnder his
sides. If you talk with him, he makes a dishcloth of his
owne Country in comparison of Spaine, but if you vrge him
more particularly wherin it exceeds, he can giue no instance but in Spaine they haue better bread than any we
haue: when (pore hungrie slaues) they may crumble it
into water well inough, & make mizers with it, for they
haue not a good morsell of meate except it be salt piltchers
to eat with it all the yere long: and which is more, they
are poore beggers, and lye in fowle straw euerie night.
Italy the Paradice of the earth, and the Epicures heauen,
'how doth it forme our yong master? It makes him to kis his.hand like an ape, cringe his necke like a starueling, and.play at hey passe repasse come aloft when he salutes a
man. From thence he brings the art of atheisme, the art
of epicurising, the art of whoring, the art of poysoning, the
art of Sodomitrie. The onely probable good thing they
haue to keepe vs from vtterly condemning it, is, that it
maketh a man an excellent Courtier, a curious carpet




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knight: which is, by interpretation, a fine close leacher,
a glorious hipocrite. It is nowe a priuie note amongst the
better sort of men, when they would set a singular marke
or brand on a notorious villaine, to say, he hath beene in
Italy.
With the Dane and the Dutchman I will not encounter,
for they are simple honest men, that with Danaus Daughters doe nothing but fill bottomeles tubs, & will be drunke &
snort in the midst of dinner: he hurts himselfe only that
goes thither, he cannot lightly be damnd, for the vintners,
the brewers, the malt-men and alewiues pray for him.
Pitch and pay, they will pray all day: score & borrow, they
will wish him much sorrow. But lightly a man is nere the
better for their prayers, for they commit all deadly sin for
'the most part of them in mingling their drinke, the vintners
in the highest degree.
Why iest I in such a necessarie perswasiue discourse?
I am a banisht exile from my country, though nere linkt
in consanguinitie to the best: an Earle borne by birth, but
a begger now as thou seest. These manie yeres in Italy
haue I liued an outlaw. A while I had a liberall pension
of the Pope, but that lasted not, for he continued not: one
succeeded him in his chaire that cared neither for Englishmen nor his owne countrimen. Then was I driuen to pick
vp my crums among the Cardinals, to implore the beneuolence & charitie of al the Dukes of Italy, whereby I haue
since made a poore shift to liue, but so liue, as I wish my
selfe a thousand times dead.
Cum patriam amisi, tunc me periisse putato:
When I was banisht, thinke I caught my bane.
The sea is the natiue soile to fishes, take fishes from the
sea, they take no ioy nor thriue, but perish straight.
So likewise the birds remooued from the aire (the abode
wheretoo they were borne) the beasts from the earth, and
7




98     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
I from England. Can a lamb take delight to be suckled
at the brests of a she wolfe? I am a lamb nourisht with
the milke of wolues, one that with the Ethiopians inhabiting ouer against Meroe feed on nothing but scorpions: vse
is another nature, yet ten times more contentiue were
nature restored to her kingdom from whence she is excluded. Beleeue me, no aire, no bread, no fire, no water
Idoth a man anie good out of his owne countrey. Cold
frutes neuer prosper in a hot soyle, nor hot in a cold. Let
no man for anie transitorie pleasure sell away the inheritance he hath of breathing in the place where hee was
borne.  Get thee home my young lad, laye thy bones
peaceably in the sepulcher of thy fathers, waxe olde in
ouerlooking thy grounds, be at hand to close the eyes of
thy kinred. The diuel and I am desperate, he of being
restored to heauen, I of being recalled home.
Here he held his peace and wept. I glad of any opportunitie of a full poynt to part from him, tolde him I tooke
his counsaile in worth; what lay in mee to requite in loue
should not bee lacking. Some businesse that concerned me
highly cald mee away very hastely, but another time I hop'd
we should meete. Verie hardly he let me goe, but I earnestly ouer pleading my occasions, at length he dismist
mee, told mee where his lodging was, and charged mee to
visite him without excuse verie often.
Heeres a stir thought I to my selfe after I was set at
libertie, that is worse than an vpbraiding lesson after a
britching: certainely if I had bethought me like a rascall,as I was, he should haue had an Auemarie of me for his
cynike exhortation. God plagud me for deriding such a
graue fatherly aduertiser. List the worst throw of ill luckes.
Tracing vppe and downe the Cittie to seeke my Curtizan
till the Euening began to grow verie well in age, it thus
fortuned, the Element as if it had drunke too much in the
afternoone, powrde downe so profoundly, that I was forst
to creep like one afraid of the watch close vnder the




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pentises, where the cellar doore of a Iewes house caled
Zadoch (ouer which in my direct way I did passe) being
vnbard on the in-side, ouer head and eares I fell into it, as
a man falls in a shippe from the oreloope into the hold, or
as in an earth-quake the ground should open, and a blinde
man come feeling pad pad ouer the open Gulph with his
staffe, should tumble on a sodaine into hell. Hauing
worne out the anguish of my fal a little with wallowing vp
& downe, I cast vp myne eyes to see vnder what Continent
I was: and loe, (O destenie) I saw my Curtizane kissing
very louingly with a prentise.
My backe and my sides I had hurt with my fall, but nowe
my head sweld and akt worse than both. I was euen
gathering winde to come vppon her with a full blast of
contumelie, when the Iewe (awakde with the noyse of my
fall) came hastely busteling downe the staires, and raysing
his other tenaunts,l attached both the Curtizane and me for
breaking his house, and conspiring with his prentise to rob
him.
It was then the law in Rome, that if anie man had a
fellon falne into his hands, either by breaking into his
house, or robbing him by the high way, he might chuse
whether he would make him his bond-man, or hang him.
Zadoch (as all Iewes are couetous) casting with himselfe
he should haue no benefit by casting me off the Ladder,
had another pollicie in his heade: he went to one Doctor
Zacharie the Popes Phisition, that was a Iew and his
Countrey-man likewise and told him he had the finest
bargaine for him that might be. It is not concealed from
me (saith he) that the time of your accustomed yearely
Anatomie is at hand, which it behooues you vnder forfeiture of the foundation of your Colledge very carefully to
prouide for. The infection is great, & hardly will you
get a sound body to deal vpon: you are my Countryman,
therefore I come to you first. Be it knowen vnto you, I
1 tenaunts, B: seruants, A.




o00     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVEILER
haue a yong man at home falne to me for my bond-man,
of the age of eighteene, of stature tall, straight limd, of
as cleare a complection as any Painters fancie can imagine:
goe too, you are an honest man, and one of the scattred
children of Abraham you shall haue him for flue hundred
crownes. Let me se him quoth Doctor Zacharie, and I
will giue you as much as another. Home he sent for me,
pinniond and shackeld Iwas transported alongst the streete:
where passing vnder lulianaes the Marques of Mantuaes
wiues window, that was a lustie Bona Roba one of the
Popes concubines, as shee had her casement halfe open,
shee lookt out and spide me. At the first sight she was
enamoured with my age and beardles face, that had in it no
ill signe of phisiognomie fatall to fetters: after me she sent
to know what I was, wherein I had offended, and whether
I was going? My conducts resolued them all. Shee
hauing receiued this answer, with a lustfull collachrimation
lamenting my Iewish Premunire, that bodie and goods I
should light into the hands of such a cursed generation,
inuented the means of my release.
But first Ile tell you what betided mee after I was
brought to Doctor Zacharies. The purblind Doctor put
on his spectacles and lookt vpon me: and when he had
throughly viewd my face, he caused me to be stript naked,
to feele and grope whether each lim wer sound & my skin
not infected. Then he pierst my arme to see how my
- blood ran: which assayes and searchings ended, he gaue
Zadoch his full price and sent him away, then lockt me
vp in a darke chamber till the day of anatomie.
0, the colde sweating cares which I conceiued after I
knewe I should be cut like a French summer dublet.
Me thought already the blood began to gush out at my
nose: if a flea on the arme had but bit me, I deemed the
instrument had prickt me. Wel, well, I may scoffe at a
shrowd turne, but theres no such readie way to make a
'man a true Christian, as to perswade himselfe he is taken




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A vp for an anatomie.  Ile depose I praid then more than I
did in seuen yeare before. Not a drop of sweate trickled
downe my breast and my sides, but I dreamt it was a
smooth edgd razer tenderly slicing downe my breast and
sides. If anie knockt at doore, I supposd it was the Bedle
of surgeons hal come for me. In the night I dreamd of
nothing but phlebotomie, bloudie fluxes, incamatiues, running vlcers. I durst not let out a wheale for feare through
it I should bleede to death. For meat in this distance, I
had plumporredge of purgations ministred me one after
another to clarifie my blood, that it should not lye cloddered in the flesh. Nor did he it so much for clarifying
Phisicke, as to saue charges. Miserable is that Mouse that
liues in a Phisitions house, Tantalus liues not so hunger
starued in hell, as she doth there. Not the verie cruns that
fall from his table, but Zacharie sweepes together, and of
them moulds vp a Manna. Of the ashie parings of his
bread, he would make conserue of chippings. Out of bones
after the meate was eaten off, hee would alchumize an oyle,
that hee sold for a shilling a dram. His snot and spittle
a hundred times hee hath put ouer to his Apothecarie for
snow water. Anie spider hee would temper to perfect
Mithridate. His rumaticke eies when hee went in the
winde, or rose early in a morning, dropt as coole allome
water as you would request. He was dame Niggardize
sole heire & executor. A number of old books had he
eaten with the moaths and wormes, now all day would
not he studie a dodkin, but picke those wormes and moaths
out of his Librarie, and of their mixture make a preseruatiue against the plague. The licour out of his shooes hee
would wring to make a sacred Balsamum against barrennes.
spare we him a line or two, and looke backe to Iuliana,
who conflicted in her thoughts about me very doubtfully,
aduentured to send a messenger to Doctor Zachary in hir
name, verie boldly to beg mee of him, and if she might not
beg me, to buy me with whatsummes of money soeuer hee




I02    THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
would aske. Zacharie Iewishly and churlishlie denied both
her sutes, and said if there were no more Christians on the
earth, he would thrust his incision knife into his throatebowle immediatly. Which replie she taking at his hands
most despitefully thoght to crosse him ouer the shins with
as sore an ouerwhart blow ere a month to an end. The
Pope (I know not whether at her entreatie or no) within
two daies after fell sick, Doctor Zacharie was sent for to
minister vnto him, who seeing a little danger in his water,
gaue him a gentle comfortiue for the stomach, and desired
those nere about him to perswade his holines to take
some rest, & he doubted not but he would be forthwith
well. Who should receiue thys milde phisicke of him but
the concubine luliana his vtter enemie: she being not vnprouided of strong poyson at that instant, in the Popes
outward chamber so mingled it, that when his Grandsublimityzasterl-came to relish it, he sunke downe stark
dea on the pauement. Herewith the Pope cald Iuliana,
and askt her what strong concocted broath she had brought
him. She kneeled downe on her knees, & said it was such
as Zacharie the Iew had deliuered her with hys owne
hands, and therfore if it misliked his holines she craued
pardon. The Pope without further sifting into the matter,
would haue had Zacharie and all the Iewes in Rome put to
death, but she hung about his knees, and with Crocodile
tears desired him the sentence might be lenefied, and they
be all but banisht at the most. For Doctor Zacharie quoth
she, your ten-times vngratefull Phisition, since notwithstanding his trecherous intent, he hath much Arte, and
manie souereigne simples, oyles, gargarismes and sirups in
his closet and house that may stand your Mightines in stead,
I begge all his goods onely for your Beatitudes perseruation
and good. This request at the first was sealed with a kisse,
and the Popes edict without delaye proclaimed throughout
Rome, namely, that all fore-skinne clippers whether male
or female belonging to the old Iurie, should depart and




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auoid vpon pain of hanging within twentie daies after the
date thereof.
luliana (two daies before the proclamation came out) sent
her seruants to extend vpon Zacharies territories, his goods,
his mooueables, his chattels and his seruants: who performed their commission to the vtmost title, and left him not
so much as master of an old vrinall case or a candle-boxe.
It was about sixe a clocke in the euening when those boothalers entred: into mychamber they rusht, when I sate leaning on my elbow, and my left hand vnder my side, deuising
what a kinde of death it might be to bee let blood till a man
die. I cald to minde the assertion of some philosophers,
who said the soule was nothing but blood: then thought
I, what a thing were this, if I should let my soule fall and
\ breake his necke into a bason. I had but a pimple rose
with heate in that parte of the veyne where they vse to
pricke, and I fearfully misdeemed it was my soule searching
for passage. Fie vpon it, a mans breath to bee let out at a
backe doore, what a villanie it is? To die bleeding is all
one, as if a man should die pissing, Good drinke makes
good blood, so that pisse is nothing but blood vnder age.
Seneca and Lucan were lobcockes to choose that death of all
other: a pig or a hog or any edible brute beast a cooke or
a butcher deales vpon, dies bleeding. To die with a pricke,
wherewith the faintest hearted woman vnder heauen would
not be kild, O God, it is infamous.
In this meditation did they seaze vpon me, in my cloke
they muffeld me that no man might know me, nor I see
which way I was carried. The first ground I toucht after
I was out of Zacharyes house, was the Countesse Iulianas
chamber: little did I surmise that fortune reserued me to
so faire a death. I made no other reckoning all the while
they had me on their sholders, but that I was on horsbacke to heauen, and carried to Church on a beere, excluded
for euer for drinking any more ale or beer. Iuliana scornfully questiond them thus (as if I had falne into her hands




104     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
beyond expectation) what proper apple squire is this you
bring so suspitiously into my chamber? what hath he done?
or where had you him? They answered likewise a far off,
that in one of Zacharies chambers they found him close
prisoner, and thought themselues guiltie of the breach of
her Ladiships commaundement if they should haue left him.
O quoth shee, yee loue to be double diligent, or thought
peraduenture that I beeing a lone woman, stood in need of
a loue. Bring you me a princoks beardlesse boy (I know
not whence he is, nor whether he would) to call my name
in suspense? I tell you, you haue abused mee, and I can
hardly brooke it at your hands. You should haue lead
him to the magistrate, no commission receiued you of mee
but for his goods & his seruants. They besought her to
excuse their error, proceeding of dutious zeale no negligent
defalt. But why should not I coniecture the worst quoth
she? I tell you troth, I am halfe in a ielozie he is some
fantasticke yonkster, who hath hyrde you to dishonor me.1
It is a likely matter that such a man as Zacharie should
make a prison of his house.2 By your leaue sir gallant,
vnder locke and key shall you stay with me, till I haue
enquirde farther of you, you shall be sifted throughly ere
you and I part. Go maid, shewe him to the farther
chamber at the end of the gallerie that lookes into the
garden: you my trim pandors I pray gard him thether as
you tooke paines to bring him hether: when you haue so
done, see the dores be made fast and come your way.
Heere was a wily wench had her liripo&pi'without book, she
was not to seeke in her knackes and shifts 3: such are all
women, each of them hath a cloke for the raine, and can
bleare her husbands eies as she list. Not too much of
this Madam Marques at once, let me dilate a little what
1 fantasticall amorous yonckster, who to dishonor me hath
hyr'd you to this stratagem. A.
2 house, and deale in matters of state. A.
3 Heere... shifts: A: Here is a wench had hir liripoop: B.




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Zadoch did with my curtizan after he had sold me to
Zacharie. Of an ill tree I hope you are not so ill sighted
in grafting to expect good fruite: hee was a Iew, and
intreated her like a Iew. Vnder shadow of enforcing her
to tell how much money she had of his prentice so to be
trayned to his cellar, hee stript her, and scourged her from
top to toe tantara. Day by day he disgested his meate
with leading her the measures. A diamond Delphinicall
drie leachour it was.
The ballet of the whipper of late days here in England,
was but a scoffe in comparison of him. All the Colliers of
Romford, who holde their corporation by yarking the
blinde beare at Paris garden, were but bunglers to him, he
had the right agilitie of the lash, there were none of them
could make the corde come aloft with a twange halfe like
him. Marke the ending, marke the ending. The tribe of
Iuda is adiudged from Rome to bee trudging, they may no
longer bee lodged ther, al the Albumazers, Rabisacks,
Gedions, Tebiths, Benhadads, Benrodans, Zedechiaes,
Halies of them were banquerouts and turned out of house
and home. Zacherie came running to Zadochs in sacke
cloth and ashes presently after his goods were confiscated
and tolde him how he was serued, and what decree was
comming out against them all. Descriptions stand by, here
is to bee expressed the furie of Lucifer when he was turnde
ouer heauen barre for a wrangler. There is a toad fish,
which taken out of the water swels more than one would
thinke his skin could hold, and bursts in his face that
toucheth him. So swelled Zadoch, and was readie to burst
out of his skin and shoote his bowels like chaine-shot full
at Zacharies face for bringing him such balefull tidings,
his eies glared & burnt blew like brimstone and aqua vita
set on fire in an egshell, his verie nose lightned glowwormes, his teeth crasht and grated together, like the
ioynts of a high building cracking and rocking like a cradle,
when as a tempest takes her full but against his broad




1o6     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVEI,ER
side. He swore, he curst, and saide, these be they that
worship that crucifide God of Nazareth, heres the fruits of
their new found Gospell, sulpher and gunpowder carry
them al quick to Gehenna. I would spend my soule willingly, to haue that triple headed Pope with all his sinabsolued whores, and oilegreased priests borne with a blacke
sant on the diuells backes in procession to the pit of perdition. Would I might sink presently into the earth, so I
might blow vp this Rome, this whore of Babilon into the
aire with my breath. If I must be banisht, if those heathen
dogs will needs rob me of my goods, I will poyson their
springs & conduit heades, whence they receiue al their
water round about the citie, ile tice all the young children into my house that I can get, and cutting their
throates barrell them vp in poudring beefe tubbes, and so
send them to victuall the Popes gallies. Ere the officers
come to extend, Ile bestow an hundred pound on a doale of
bread, which Ile cause to be kneaded with scorpions oyle,
that will kill more than the plague. Ile hire them that
'-    make their wafers or sacramentary gods, to minge them
after the same sort, so in the zeale of their superstitious
religion, shall they languish and droup lyke carrion. If
there be euer a blasphemous coniurer that can call the
windes from their brasen caues, and make the cloudes
trauell before their time, Ile giue him the other hundred
pounds to disturbe the heauens a whole weeke together
with thunder and lightning, if it bee for nothing but to
sowre all the wines in Rome, and turne them to vineger.
As long as they haue eyther oyle or wine, this plague
feeds but pinglingly vpon them.
Zadoch, Zadoch, sayd Doctor Zachery, (cutting him off)
thou threatnest the aire, whilest we perish here on earth,
it is the countesse luliana the Marques of Mantuas wife,
and no other, that hath complotted our confusion, aske
not how, but insist in my wordes, and assist in reuenge.
As how, as how, sayde Zadoch, shrugging and shrub



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bing. More happie than the patriarches were I, if crushte
to death with the greatest torments Romes tyrants haue
tride, there might be quintesenst out of me one quart of
precious poison. I haue a leg with an issue, shall I cut it
off, & from his fount of corruption extract a venome worse
than anie serpents? If thou wilt, Ile goe to a house that is
infected, where catching the plague, and hauing got a running sore vpon me, Ile come and deliuer her a supplication
and breath vpon her. I knowe my breath stinkes so
alredie, that it is within halfe a degree of poison, Ile paie
her home if I perfect it with anie more putrifaction.
No, no brother Zadoch, answered Zachery, that is not
the way. Canst thou prouide me ere a bond-maide, indued
with singular & diuine qualified beautie, whom as a present
from our synagogue thou mayst commend vnto her, desiring her to be good and gracious vnto vs1.
I haue, I am for you, quoth Zadoch: Diamante come
forth. Heeres a wench (sayd he) of as cleane a skin as
Susanna, shee hath not a wem on her flesh from the soale
of the foote to the crowne of the head: how thinke you
master Doctor, will she not serue the turne?      t
She will sayde Zacharie, and therefore Ile tell you
what charge I would haue committed to her. But I care
not if I disclose it onely to her. Maide (if thou beest a
maide) come hether to me, thou must be sent to the
countesse of Mantuaes about a small peece of seruice,
whereby being now a bond woman, thou shalt purchase
freedome and gaine a large dowrie to thy mariage. I know
thy master loues thee dearly though he will not let thee
perceiue so much, hee intends after hee is dead to make
thee his heir, for he hath no children: please him in that
I shall instruct thee and thou art made for euer. So it is,
that the pope is farre out of liking with the countesse of
Mantua his concubine, and hath put his trust in me his
phisition to haue her quietly and charitably made away.
1 vs.: her. B,




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Now I cannot intend it, for I haue many cures in hande
which call vpon me hourly: thou if thou beest placd with
her as her waiting maid or cup-bearer, maist temper poison
with hir broth, her meate, her drinke, her oyles, her sirrupes,
and neuer bee bewraid. I will not saie whether the pope
hath heard of thee, and thou mayst come to bee his lemman in her place, if thou behaue thy selfe wisely. What,
hast thou the heart to go thorough with it or no? Diamante
deliberating wyth her selfe in what hellish seruitude she
liued with the Iew,& that shee had no likelyhood to be releast
of it, but fall from euil to worse if she omitted this opportunitie, resigned her selfe ouer wholly to be disposed and
emnploid as seemed best vnto them. Thervpon, without
further consultation, her wardrop was richly rigd, hir tongue
smooth filed & new edgd on the whetstone, her drugs
delivered her, and presented she was by Zadoch hir master
to the countesse, together with some other slight newfangles, as from the whole congregati6, desiring her to
stand their mercifull mistres, and solicite the pope for them,
that through one mans ignoraunt offence, were all generally
in disgrace with him, and had incurred the cruel sentence
of losse of goods and of banishment.
Iuliana liking well the pretie round face of my black
browd Diamante, gaue the Iew better countenance than
otherwise she would haue done, and told him for her owne
part she was but a priuate woman, and could promise
nothing confidently of his holines: for though he had suffered himselfe to be ouer-ruled by her in some humors, yet
in this that toucht him so nerely, she knew not how he
would be inclinde: but what laie in her either to pacifie or
perswade him, they should bee sure off, and so craude his
absence.
His backe turnd, she askt Diamnante what countrie
woman she was, what friends she had, and how shee fell
into the hands of that Iew? She answered that she was a
Magnificos daughter of Venice, stolne when she was young




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from her friends, and sold to this Iew for a bond-woman,
who (quoth she) hath vsde me so iewishly and tyrannously,
that for euer I must celebrate the memorie of this daie,
wherein I am deliuered from his iurisdiction. Alas (quoth
she, deep sighing) why did I enter into anie mention of
my owne misusage? It wil be thought that that which I
am now to reueale, proceeds of mallice not truth. Madam,
your life is sought by these Iews that sue to you. Blush
not, nor be troubled in your minde, for with warning I
shall arme you against all their intentions. Thus and thus
(quoth she) said Doctor Zachery vnto me, this poyson he
deliuered me. Before I was calde in to them, such & such
consultation through the creuise of the doore hard lockt did
I heare betwixt them. Denie it if they can, I will iustifie
it: onely I beseech you to be fauorable ladie vnto me,
and let me not fall againe into the hands of those vipers.
Iuliana said little but thought vnhappily, onely she
thankt her for detecting it, and vowed though she were
her bond-woman to be a mother vnto her. The poison
she tooke of her, and set it vp charely on a shelfe in her
closet, thinking to keepe it for some good purposes: as for
example, when I was consumed and worne to the bones
through her abuse, she wold giue me but a dram too much,
and pop mee into a priuie. So shee had serued some of
her paramors ere that, and if God had not sent Diamante
to be my redeemer, vndoubtedly I had dronke of the same
cup.
In a leafe or two before was I lockt vp: here in this
page the foresayd good wife 1 Countesse comes to me, she1
is no longer a judge but a client. Howe she came, in,
what manner of attyre, with what immodest and vncomely -
wordes she courted me, if I should take vpon me to inlarge,
all modest eares would abhorre me. Some inconuenience
she brought me too by her harlot-like behauior, of which
inough I can neuer repent me.
1 goodwife A.




IIo    THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
Let that be forgiuen and forgotten, fleshly delights could
not make her slothfull or slumbring in reuenge against
Zadoch. She set men about him to incense and egge him
on in courses of discontentment, and other superuising
espialls, to plie, follow, and spurre forward those suborning
incensers. Both which playde their partes so, that Zadoch
of his owne nature violent, swore by the arke of Iehoua to
set the whole city on fire ere he went out of it. Zacharie
after he had furnisht the wench with the poyson, and giuen
her instructions to goe to the deuill, durst not staie one
houre for feare of disclosing, but fled to the duke of Burbon
that after sackt Rome, and ther practised with his bastardship all the mischiefe against the pope & Rome that enuy,could put into his mind. Zadoch was left behind for the!hangman. According to his oath he prouided balls of
wild fire in a readinesse, and laid traines of gunpouder in a
hundred seuerall places of the citie to blow it vp, which he
had set fire to & also bandied his balls abroad, if his
attendant spies had not taken him with the manner. To
the straightest prison in Rome he was dragged, where from
top to toe he was clogd with fetters and manacles. Iuliana
informed the pope of Zachary1 and his practise, Zachary
was sought for, but Non est inuentus, he was packing long
before. Commandement was giuen, that Zadoch whom
they had vnder hand and seale of lock and key, should be
executed with al the firy torments that could be found out.
Ile make short worke, for I am sure I haue wearyed all
my readers. To the execution place was he brought,
where first and formost he was stript, then on a sharp
yron stake fastened in y ground, he had his fundament
pitcht, which stake ran vp along into the bodie like a spit,
vnder his arme-holes two of lyke sort, a great bon-fire
they made round about him, wherewith his flesh roasted
not burnd: and euer as with the heate his skinne blistred,
the fire was drawen aside, and they basted him with a mixZacharies A.




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III


ture of Aqua fortis, allum water, and Mercury sublimatum,
which smarted to the very soul of him and searcht him to
the marrowe. Then dyd they scourge his backe partes so
blistred and basted, with burning whips of red hot wier:
his head they nointed ouer with pitch and tar, and so
inflamed it. To his priuie members they tied streaming
fire-workes, the skinne from the crest of the shoulder, as
also from his elbowes, his huckle bones, his knees, his
anckles, they pluckt and gnawed off with sparkling pincers:
his breast and his belly with seale skins they grated ouer,
which as fast as they grated and rawed, one stood ouer &
laued with smiths syndry water & Aqua vitae 1: his nailes
they halfe raised vp, and then vnder-propt them with
sharpe prickes like a Tailers shop window halfe open on
a holy daie: euery one of his fingers they rent vp to the
wrist: his toes they brake off by the rootes, and let them
still hang by a little skinne. In conclusion they had a
small oyle fire, such as men blow light bubbles of glasse
with and beginning at his feete, they let him lingringly
burne vp lim by lim, till his heart was consumed, and then
he died. Triumph women, this was the end of the whipping Iew, contriued by a woman, in reuenge of two women,
her selfe and her maide.
I haue told you or I should tel you in what credit Diamante V
grew with hir mistres. luliana neuer dreamed but she was
an authenticall maide: she made her the chiefe of her bedchamber, she appoynted none but her to look in to me, &
serue mee of such necessaryes as I lacked. You must
suppose when wee met there was no small reioycing on
eyther parte, much like the three brothers that went three
seuerall wayes to seeke their fortunes, & at the yeeres end
at those three crosse waies met againe, and told one another
how they sped: so after wee had bin long asunder seeking
our fortunes, wee commented one to another most kindly,
what crosse haps had encountred vs. Neare a six houres
1 vite: B.




112    THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVrELLER
but the Countesse cloyd me with her companie. It grew to
this passe that either I must finde out some miraculous
meanes of escape, or drop awaie in a consumption, as one
pinde for lacke of meate: I was clean spent and done, there
was no hope of me.
The yere held on his course to doomes day, when Saint
Peters daie dawned: that day is a day of supreme solemnity in Rome, when the Embassador of Spaine comes and
presents a milke white iennet to the pope, that kneeles
downe vppon his owne accord in token of obeisaunce and
humilitie before him, and lets him stride on his back as easie
as one strides ouer a blocke: with this iennet is offered a
rich purse of a yard length full of Peter pence. No musicke
that hath the gifte of vtterance but sounds all the while:
coapes and costly vestments decke the hoarsest and beggerlyest singing-man, not a clarke or sexten is absent, no nor
a mule nor a foot-cloth belonging to anie Cardinall but
attends on the taile of the triumph. The pope himselfe is
borne in his pontificalibus thorough the Burgo (which is the
chiefe streete in Rome)to the Embassadours house to dinner,
and thether resortes all the assembly: where if a poet should
spend all his life time in describing a banket, he could not
feast his auditors halfe so wel with wordes, as he doth his
guests with iunkets.
To this feast Iuliana addressed her selfe like an angel,
in a litter of greene needle worke wrought like an arbour,
and open on euerie side was she borne by foure men, hidden
vnder cloth rough plushed and wouen like eglentine and
wodbine. At the foure corners it was topt with foure rounde
christall cages of Nightingales. For foote men, on either
side of her went foure virgins clad in lawne, with lutes in
their hands playing. Next before her two and two in order,
a hundred pages in sutes of white cipresse, and long horsemens coates of cloth of siluer: who being all in white,
aduanced euerie one of them his 1 picture, enclosed in a white
1 his B: her A.




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER


II3


round screene of feathers, such as is carried ouer greate
princesses heads when they ride in summer to keepe them
from the heate of the sun, before them went a foure score
bead women shee mantayned in greene gownes, scattering
strawing hearbes and floures. After her followed the blinde,
the halte and the lame sumptuously apparelled like Lords,
and thus past she on to S. Peters.
Interea quid agitur domi, how ist at home all this while.
My curtizan is left my keeper, the keyes are committed
vnto hir, she is mistres fac totum. Against our countesse
we conspire, packe vp all her iewels, plate, mony that was
extant, and to the water side send them: to conclude,
couragiously rob her, and run away. Quid non auri sacra
fames? what defame will not golde salue. Hee mistooke
himselfe that inuented the prouerbe, Dimicandum est pro:aris & focis: for it should haue been pro auro & fama:
'not for altares and fires we must contend, but for gold and,fame.
Oares nor winde could not stirre nor blow faster, than we
toyld out of Tiber; a number of good fellowes would giue
size ace and the dice that with as little toyle they could
leaue Tyburne behinde them. Out of ken we were ere the
Countesse came from the feast. When she returned and
found her house not so much pestred as it was wont, her
chests her closets and her cupbords broke open to take
aier, and that both I and my keeper was missing: O then
shee fared like a franticke Bacchinall, she stampt, she
star'd, shee beate her head against the walls, scratcht her
face, bit her fingers, and strewd all the chamber with her
haier. None of her seruants durst stay in her sight, but
she beate them out in heapes, and bad them goe seeke
search they knew not where, and hang themselues, and
neuer looke her in the face more, if they did not hunt vs
out. After her ~nrie had reasonably spent it selfe, her
breast began to swell with the motfier, caiused by her
former fretting & chafing, and she grew verie ill at ease,
8




II4     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
Whereuppon shee knockt for one of her maids, and bad
her run into her closet, and fetch her a little glasse that
stood on the vpper shelfe, wherein there was spiritus vini.
The maid went, & mistaking tooke the glasse of poyson
which Diamante had giu'n her and she kept in store for
me. Comming with it as fast as her legs could carrie her,
her misterres at hir returne was in a sownd, and lay for
dead on the floore, wherat she shrikt out, and fel a rubbing & chafing her very busily. When that would not
serue, she tooke a keye and opened her mouth, and hauing
heard that spiritus Vini was a thing of mightie operation,
able to call a man from death to life, shee tooke the poyson,
and verely thinking it to be spiritus vini (such as she was
sent for) powrd a large quatitie of it into her throate, and
iogd on her backe to digest it. It reuiued her with a verie'
vengeaunce, for it kild her outright, onely she awakend &
lift vp her hands, but spake nere a worde. Then was the
maid in my grandames beanes, and knew not what should
become of her, I heard the Pope tooke pittie on her, &
because her trespasse was not voluntarie but chance-medly,
he assigned hir no other punishment but this, to drinke out f
the rest of the poison in the glasse that was left, and so go
scot-free. Wee carelesse of these mischances, helde on our i
flight, and saw no man come after vs but we thought had
pursued vs. A theefe, they saie, mistakes euerie bush for
a true man, the winde ratled not in any bush by the way
as I rode, but I straight drew my rapier. To Bologna with
a mery gale we poasted, where wee lodged our selues in a
blinde streete out of the waie, and kept secret many daies:
but when we perceiued we saild in the hauen, that the
winde was laid, and no allarum made after vs, we boldly
came abroad: & one day hearing of a more desperate
murtherer than Caine that was to be executed, we followed
the multitude, and grutcht not to lend him our eyes at his
last parting.
1 verie B: merrie A.




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER               115
Who shoulde it be but one Cutwolfe, a wearish dwarfish
writhen facde cobler, brother to Bartol the Italian, that was
confederate with Esdras of Granado, and at that time stole
away my curtizan when he rauisht Heraclide.
It is not so naturall for me to epitomize his impietie, as
to heare him in his owne person speak vpon the wheele
where he was to suffer.
Prepare your eares and your teares, for neuer tyll this
thrust I anie tragecall matter vpon you. Strange and
wonderfull are Gods iudgements, here shine they in their
glory. Chast Heraclide, thy bloud is laid vp in heauens
treasury, not one drop of it was lost, but lent out to vsurie:
water powred forth sinkes downe quietly into the earth,
but bloud spilt on the ground sprinkles vp to the firmament. Murder is wide-mouthd, and will not let God rest
till he grant reuenge. Not onely the bloud of the slaughtred innocent, but the soul ascendeth to his throne, and
there cries out & exclaimes for iustice and recompence.
Guiltlesse soules that liue euery houre subiect to violence,
and with your dispairing feares doe much empaire Gods
prouidence: fasten your eies on this spectacle that will
adde to your faith. Referre all your oppressions, afflictions,
& iniuries to the euen ballanced eie of the Almightie, he
it is that when your patience sleepeth, will be most exceeding mindfull of you.
This is but a glose vpon the text: thus Cutwolfe begins
his insulting oration.
Men and people that haue made holy day to beholde
my pained flesh toil on the wheele, expect not of me a
whining penitent slaue, that shal do nothing but cry and
say his praiers and so be crusht in peeces. My bodie is
little, but my minde is as great as a gyants: the soule
which is in mee, is the verie soule of lulius Caesar by
reuersion, my name is Cutwolfe, neither better nor worse
by occupation, but a poore Cobler of Verona, Coblers
are men and kings are no more. The occasion of my corn



ii6    THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
ming hether at this present, is to haue a few of my bones
broken (as we are all borne to die) for being the death of
the Emperour of homicides Esdras of Granado. About
two yeeres since in the streets of Rome he slew the only
and eldest brother I had named Bartoll, in quarrelling
about a curtizan. The newes brought to me as I was
sitting in my shop vnder a stal knocking in of tacks, I
thinke I raisd vp my bristles, solde pritch-aule, spunge,
blacking tub, and punching yron, bought mee rapier and
pistoll, and to goe I went. Twentie months together I
pursued him, from Rome to Naples, from Naples to Caiete
passing ouer the riuer, from Caiete to Syenna, from Syenna
to Florence, from Florence to Parma, from Parma to Pauia,
from Pauia to Syon, from Syon to Geneua, from Geneua
backe again towards Rome: where in the way it was my
chance to meet him in the nicke here at Bolognia, as I will
tell you how. I sawe a great fraie in the streetes as I past
along, and many swordes walking, wherevpon drawing
neerer, and enquiring who they were, answer was retourned
me it was that notable Bandetto Esdras of Granado. 0
so I was tickled in the spleene with that word, my hart
hopt and danst, my elbowes itcht, my fingers friskt, I
wist not what should become of my feete, nor knewe what
I did for ioy. The fray parted, I thought it not conuenient
to single him out (beeing a sturdie knaue) in the street
but to stay til I had got him at more aduantage. To his
lodging I dogd him, lay at the dore all night where hee
entred, for feare hee should giue me the slip anye way.
Betimes in the morning I rung the bel and craued to
speke with him, now to his chamber dore I was brought,
where knocking hee rose in his shirt and let me in, and
when I was entred, bad me lock the dore and declare my
arrant, and so he slipt to bed againe.
Marrie this quoth I is my arrant. Thy name is Esdras '
of Granado, is it not? Most treacherously thou slewst my
brother Bartoll about two yeres agoe in the streetes of




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELER


II7


Rome: his death am I come to reuenge. In quest of thee
euer since a boue three thousand miles haue I trauaild. I
haue begd to maintaine me the better part of the waye,
onely because I would intermit no time from my pursute in
going backe for monie. Now haue I got thee naked in my
power, die thou shalt, though my mother and my grandmother dying did intreate for thee. I haue promist the
diuell thy soule within this houre, breake my word I will not,
in thy breast I intend to burie a bullet. Stirre not, quinch
not, make no noyse: for if thou dost it will be worse for
thee.
Quoth Esdras, what euer thou best at whose mercie I
lye, spare me, and I wil giue thee as much gold as thou
wilt aske. Put me to anie paines my life reserued, and I
willingly will sustaine them: cut off my armes and legs, and
leaue me as a lazer to some loathsome spittle, where I may j
but liue a yeare to pray and repent me. For thy brothers
death the despayre of mind that hath euer since haunted
mee, the guiltie gnawing worme of conscience I feele may
bee sufficient penance. Thou canst not send me to such
a hell, as alreadie there is in my hart. To dispatch me
presently is no reuenge, it will soone be forgotten: let me
dye a lingring death, it will be remembred a great deale
longer. A lingring death maye auaile my soule, but it is,
the illest of ills that can befortune my bodie. For my
soules health I beg my bodies torment: bee not thou a
diuell to torment my soule, and send me to eternall
damnation. Thy ouer-hanging sword hides heauen fronm/
my sight, I dare not looke vp, least I embrace my deathesg
wounde vnwares. I cannot pray to God, and plead to thee
both at once. Ay mee, alreadie I see my life buried in the
wrinckles of thy browes: say but I shall liue, though thou
meanest to kill me. Nothing confounds like to suddaine
terror, it thrusts euerie sense out of office. Poyson wrapt
vp in sugred pills is but halfe a poyson: the feare of deaths
lookes are more terrible than his stroake. The whilest


j -r4 'V /


-I                        "




II8    THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
/ I viewe death, my faith is deaded: where a mans feare is,
( there his heart is. Feare neuer engenders hope: how can
I hope that heauens father will saue mee from the hell
euerlasting, when he giues me ouer to the hell of thy
furie.
Heraclide now thinke I on thy teares sowne in the dust,
(thy teares, that my bloudie minde made barraine). In
reuenge of thee, God hardens this mans heart against mee:
yet I did not slaughter thee, though hundreds else my hand
hath brought to the shambles. Gentle sir, learne of mee
what it is to clog your conscience with murder, to haue
your dreames, your sleepes, your solitarie walkes troubled
and disquited with murther: your shaddowe by daie will
affright you, you will not see a weapon vnsheathde, but
immediatly you will imagine it is predestinate for your
destruction.
This murther is a house diuided within it selfe: it subbornes-a mans owne soule to infourme against him: his
x soule (beeing his accuser) brings foorth his two eyes as
witnesses against him, and the least 1 eie witnesse is vnrefutable. Plucke out my eyes if thou wilt, and depriue
my traiterous soule of her two best witnesses. Digge out
my blasphemous tongue wyth thy dagger, both tongue and
eyes wyll I gladly forgoe to haue a lyttle more time to
thinke on my iourney to heauen.
Deferre a while thy resolution, I am not at peace wyth
the world, for euen but yesterdaie I fought, and in my
\ furie threatned further vengeance: had I a face to aske
forgiuenesse, I shoulde thinke halfe my sinnes were forgiuen.
A hundred deuils haunt mee dayly for my horrible
murthers: the deuilles when I die will bee loth to goe to
hell with mee, for they desired of Christ he would not send
them to hel before their time: if they goe not to hell, into
thee they will goe, and hideously vex thee for turning them
out of their habitation. Wounds I contemne, life I prize
I least A: last B.


"N




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELILER


II9


light, it is an r world tranuilitie  ich makes me so
timerous: euerlasting damnation, euerlasting houling and
lamentation. It is not from death I request thee to deliuer
me, but fr6 this terror of torments etemitie. Thy brothers
bodie only I pearst vnaduisedly, his soule meant I no harme
to at all: my bodie & soule both shalt thou cast awaie
quite, if thou doest at this instant what thou maist. Spare
me, spare me I beseech thee, by thy owne soules saluation I desire thee, seeke not my souls vtter perdition: in
destroying me, thou destroyest thy self and me. Eagerly
I replid after this long suppliant oration: Though I knew
God would neuer haue mercy vpon me except I had mercie
on thee, yet of thee no mercy would I baue. Reuenge in
our tragedies is continually raised from hell: of hell doe I
esteeme better than heauen, if it afford me reuenge. There
is no heauen but reuenge. I tel thee, I would not haue
vndertoke so much toile to gaine heauen, as I haue done in
pursuing thee for reuenge. Diuine reuenge, of which (as
of y ioies aboue) there is no fulnes or satietie. Looke how
my feete ar2 blistered with following thee fro place to place.
I haue riuen my throat with ouerstraining it to curse thee.
I haue ground my teeth to pouder with grating & grinding
them together for anger when any hath namde thee. My
tongue with vaine threates is bolne, and waxen too big for
my mouth: my eyes haue broken their strings with staring
and looking ghastly, as I stood deuising how to frame or
set my countenance whe I met thee. I haue neere spent
my strength in imaginarie acting on stone wals, what I
determined to execute on thee: intreate not, a miracle
may not repriue thee: villaine, thus march I with my
blade into thy bowels.
Stay, stay exclaimed Esdras, and heare me but one
word further. Though neither for God nor man thou
carest, but placest thy whole felicitie in murther, yet of thy
felicity learn how to make a greater felicitie. Respite me
a little fram thy swordes point, and set me about some


I lht




I20     THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
execrable enterprise, that may subuert the whole state of
christendome, and make all mens eares tingle that heare
of it. Commaund me to cut all my kindreds throats, to
burne men, women and children in their beds in millions,
by firing their Cities at midnight. Be it Pope, Emperor
or Turke that displeaseth thee, he shall not breath on the
earth. For thy sake will I sweare and forsweare, renounce my baptisme, and all the interest I haue in any
other sacrament, onely let mee liue howe miserable so
euer, be it in a dungeon amongst toads, serpents, and
adders, or set vp to the necke in dong. No paines I will
refuse howe euer proroged, to haue a little respite to purifie
my spirit: oh, heare me, heare me, & thou canst not be
hardned against mee.
At this his importunitie I paused a little, not as retiring
fro my wreakfull resolution, but going backe to gather
more forces of vengeaunce, with my selfe I deuised how
to plague him double in his base minde: my thoughtes
traueld in quest of some notable newe Italionisme, whose
murderous platforme might not onely extend on his bodie,
but his soul also. The ground worke of it was this: that
whereas he had promised for my sake to sweare and forsweare, and commit Iulian-like violence on the highest
seales of religion: if he would but this farre satisfie me,
he should be dismist from my furie. First and forniost he
should renounce God and his laws, and vtterly disclaime
the whole title or interest he had in anie couenant of
saluation. Next he should curse him to his face, as Iob
was willed by his wife, and write an absolute firme
obligation of his soule to the deuill, without condition or
exception. Thirdly and lastly, (hauing done this,) hee
shoulde pray to God feruently neuer to haue mercie vpon
him, or pardon him. Scarce had I propounded these articles
vnto him, but he was beginning his blasphemous abiurations. I wonder the earth opened not and swalowed vs
1 inB: for A.




THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER


I21


both, hearing the bolde tearmes he blasted forth in contempt of Christianitie: heauen hath thundered when halfe
lesse contumelies against it hath bene vttered. Able they
were to raise Saintes and martyrs from their graues, and
plucke Christ himselfe from the right hand of his father. My
ioints trembled & quakt with attending them, my haire
stood vpright, & my hart was turned wholy to fire. So
affectionatly and zealously dyd hee giue himselfe ouer to
infidelity, as if sathan had gotten the vpper hand of our
high maker. The veyne in his left hand that is deriued
from the hart with no faint blow he pierst, & with the full
bloud that flowed from it, writ a full obligation of his soule
to the deuill: yea, he more earnestly praid vnto God neuer
to forgiue his soule, than many christians do to saue their
soules. These fearefull ceremonies brought to an end, I
bad him ope his mouth and gape wide. He did so (as
what wil not slaues do for feare?) therewith made I no
more ado, but shot him full into the throat with my pistoll:
no more spake he after, so did I shoot him that he might
neuer speake after or repent him. His bodie being dead
lookt as blacke as a toad: the deuill presently branded it
for his owne. This is the falt that hath called me hether,
no true Italian but will honor me for it. Reuenge is the
glorie of armes, & the highest performance of valure,
reuenge is whatsoeuer we call law or iustice. The farther
we wade in reuenge the neerer come we to y throne of the
almightie. To his scepter it is properly ascribed, his
scepter he lends vnto man, when he lets one man scourge
an other. All true Italians imitate me in reuenging constantly and dying valiantly. Hangman to thy taske, for I
am readie for the vtmost of thy rigor. Herewithall the
people (outragiously incensed) with one conioyned outcrie,
yelled mainely, Awaie with him, away with him, Executioner torture him, teare him, or we will teare thee in peeces
if thou spare him.
1 Herewith all A.




i22    THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER
The executioner needed no exhortation herevnto, for of
his owne nature was he hackster good inough: olde excellent he was at a bone-ach. At the first chop with his
wood-knife would he fish for a mans heart, and fetch it
out as easily as a plum from the bottome of a porredge
pot. He woulde cracke neckes as fast as a cooke cracks
egges: a fidler cannot turne his pin so soone as he would
turne a man of the ladder: brauely did he drum on this
Cutwolfes bones, not breaking them outright, but like a
sadler knocking in of tackes, iarring on them quaueringly
with his hammer a great while together. No ioint about
him but with a hatchet he had for the nones he disioynted
halfe, and then with boyling lead souldered vp the wounds
from bleeding: his tongue he puld out, least he should
blaspheme in his torment: venimous stinging wormes hee
thrust into his eares to keep his head rauingly occupied:
with cankers scruzed to peeces hee rubd his mouth and his
gums: no lim of his but was lingeringly splinterd in shiuers.
In this horror left they him on the wheele as in hell: where
yet liuing he might beholde his flesh legacied amongst
the foules of the aire. Vnsearchable is the booke of our
destinies, one murder begetteth another: was neuer yet
bloud-shed barren from the beginning of the world to this
daie. Mortifiedly abiected and danted was I with this
truculent 1 tragedie of Cutwolfe and Esdras. To such
straight life did it thence forward incite me, that ere I went
out of Bolognia I married my curtizan, performed many
almes deedes, and hasted so fast out of the Sodom of Italy,
that within fortie daies I arriued at the king of Englands
campe twixt Ardes and Guines in France: where he with
great triumphs met and entertained the Emperour and the
French king, and feasted many daies. And so as my
storie began with the king at Turnay and Turwin, I thinke
meete here to end it with the king at A rdes and Guines. All
the conclusiue epilogue I wil make is this, that if herein I
1 trunculent A and B.


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THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER


I23


haue pleased anie, it shall animat mee to more paines in
this kind.
Otherwise I will sweare vpon an English Chronicle
- neuer to bee out-landish Chronicler more
while I liue. Farewell as many
as wish me well.1
FINIS.
1 A adds the date, Iune 27. 1593.




?                        It




NOTES
The following notes, with some rare exceptions, are intended only
for the brief explanation of such terms as might puzzle the average
reader of to-day.
Pages 3, 4. This dedication occurs only in A, where it is followed
by an address ' To the Gentlemen Readers' which it would be
futile to reprint here, as it consists of a list of misprints in
two of the early sheets of A. Nashe's opening apology is,
however, worth quoting for the light it throws on a sixteenthcentury author's personal supervision of the passage of his
book through the printing-house. It runs thus:-       Entlemen, in my absence (through the Printers ouersight and my bad writing) in the leaues of C and D
these errours are ouer-slipt i
After this address A continues with the Induction, etc. as in B.
P. 5, 3-5. Mumchaunce and novum were games of cards and dice
respectively.
P. 5, I4. pantofles: cf. note on 6. 4 infra.
P. 5, I7. ames ace: usually the lowest throw of the dice, two
aces, as at 58. 20: here evidently either a game of dice so called
from the throw, or a scoffing allusion to dicing, from the unluckiest throw possible.
P. 5, I9-20. mace: a punning allusion to a bailiff's mace or staff
of office.
P. 6, 4. pantoflee: it appears from this passage that pages shared
with Cambridge undergraduates, in Nashe's day, the custom of
administering an oath on an old shoe or slipper to freshmen
as part of the mock ceremony of initiation.
P. 7, 6. Turney and Turwin: Henry VIII besieged and took
Tounay and T6rouanne in the late summer of 1513.
P. 7, 25. slur a die: to cheat at dice by throwing so that the die
slides and does not turn over.
125




126


NOTES


P. 8, 27. iuybush: then the usual sign of a drinking-house; whence
the proverb ' Good wine needs no bush.'
P. 11, I3. single mony: small change.
P. 11, 25. in hugger mugger: in secret.
P. 13, I4. snudge  niggard.
P. 15, 25. quater trey: false dice which turned up three or four
more readily than the other faces.
P. 15, 26. dead lift: a supreme effort. This meaning of the
phrase is rare, and the only example given in the N.E.D. is
from William Morris (I882).
P. 16, 3-4. giue... entertainment: a frequent phrase for giving
a man a drubbing and turning him out.
P. 16, I6-I7. high men... Jullams: various kinds of false dice.
P. 20, 32. Queuela: Qui va la.
P. 20, 35. diuels breeches: these, as the name suggests, were tightfitting, unlike the enormously bulky trunk hose of the time,
which would have sheltered a whole armoury. The cod-piece
(of which a sporran is the nearest modern equivalent) was
therefore the only possible lurking-place for a weapon in the
Captain's nether garments.
P. 21, 8. crosses: commonly used as the equivalent of 'coins'
for jesting purposes, owing to the crosses stamped on the reverse
of many Tudor silver pieces.
P. 23, i2. dead-pay. a dead man's pay, drawn in his name by the
clerks: a common enough practice then.
P. 23, I6. finigraphicall. finicking.
P. 25, 3. banskin: leather apron.
P. 25, 4. all a more t presumably d la mode Anglicised.
P. 25, 5. budge: 'a kind of fur, consisting of lamb's skin with the
wool dressed outwards.'-N.E.D.
P. 26, 6. tub: an allusion to the sweating treatment practised by
Elizabethan quacks.
P. 26, 29. balls: tennis balls consisted of a leather cover over a
hair stuffing, so that they would naturally be made by glovers.
P. 28, 7. Brute: according to the popular myth of the Trojan
colonisation of Britain, Brute, the great-grandson of Aeneas,
reigned over England from Troynovant (London).
P. 28, 22. the Battell: of Marignano, near Milan, in 1515.
P. 29, 33. Bruers cow: the cowl of a brewery chimney. 'Cowl'
might also mean a brewer's tub (see next note), but this would
hardly be portable enough.
P. 30, 2. coole-staues: a cowl-staff was a pole used for thrusting
through the ears of a cowl, or large tub, so that it could be
carried between two men.




NOTES


127


P. 81, i i. set vp his rest! a frequent metaphor from the game of
Primero, in which it means to settle the amount one is prepared
to risk on one's cards; and hence generally, as here, to make
up one's mind.
P. 38, io. the mark...mouth: i.e. 'my muse has lost the signs
of youth '; the metaphor is from the stable.
P. 43, I9. pickerdeuant: peaked beard.
P. 44, 33. broccing. Dr. McKerrow suggests' broking '; Sir Walter
Raleigh quotes the passage in modern spelling as ' broaching.'.P. 45, 8. troupe  trope.
P. 45, I5. fisgigging  running about: the word has the same
sense as ' gadding.'
P. 45, 34. lambs wooll: a favourite drink in the sixteenth and
seventeenth centuries; spiced ale with the pulp of roasted apples
floating in it.
P. 46, 2. Macha. Mecca, misspelt for the sake of the pun.
P. 47, 4. leuell coyle: the game called by the French leve-cul.
The N.E.D. derives level-coil from the phrase (faire) lever le
cul (a quelqu'un), and defines it as a rough, noisy game in
which each player is in turn driven from his seat and supplanted
by another: hence = noisy riot. The latter sense, of course,
it has here; but from his use of it I think Nashe had in mind
the common Elizabethan sense of' coil ' as ' row ' or ' hubbub,'
and the common meaning of 'level,' and intended to convey
that the disputants were equally noisy.
P. 54, 36. angell of light i the usual pun on the coin called an angel
is heightened here by a secondary pun on the lightness of
counterfeit coin.
P. 55, 3. turned ouer: hung (turned over the edge of the scaffold,
or of the tumbril). Cf. 1. II, and also 105. 25-6.
P. 56, I9. sheepbiter: clearly used here in the sense defined by the
N.E.D. (with an earliest example from Chapman, I611) as ' One
who runs after " mutton "; a woman-hunter.'
P. 56, 27. old who: i.e. the right man for the job.
P. 57, 4. a bergomast! Nashe evidently means a Bergamask, i.e.
a native of Bergamo, a province of the Venetian state. Possibly the compositor had the word ' burgomaster ' in his mind,
and being familiar with' Bergomask' only in its secondary sense
of a dance copied from the peasants of Bergamo, intelligently
corrected the k to t.
P. 58, 20. ams ace; cf. note on 5.17.
P. 60, 2. dunstable. plain.
P. 60, io. hoddie peake: foolish.
P. 62, 4. rubarbe: bitter.




I28


NOTES


P. 64, 21. aboue Ela t Ela was the highest note in the Gamut.
The N.E.D. quotes Bulwer (I649): ' Although it [laughter] be
at the highest pitch and serued up to the very Eela of mirth,
it vanisheth away.'
P. 68, 4. bases  skirts.
P. 69, 7. bolne: swollen, puffed out.
P. 70, 3I. faburthen: legend. Nashe is trying to find a different
word each time he needs one for the Knights' mottoes, and
hence strains ' faburthen ' out of its usual sense of ' refrain.'
P. 71, io. slightly! cunningly.
P. 71. I2. spoke I proverb: cf. note on 70. 3I supra.
P. 74, 27. coolestaffe: cf. 30. 2 and note.
P. 75, 22. Bazelus manus     i.e. Farewell. This contraction,
variously spelt, of the Spanish beso las manos is continually
used by Elizabethan writers.
P. 79, I. out it. probably Dr. McKerrow's conjectural emendation
ouer it is correct.  Grosart conjectured it out, which is not
unlikely.
P. 80, 8. siring-wise: like a syringe.
P. 80, 22. sweete-breathing Panthers: Nashe may possibly have
got this detail, with others on this page, direct from Pliny's
Natural History, for Philemon Holland's celebrated translation
did not appear till I60o. But the qualities of the panther's
breath were a commonplace in England long before Holland,
and as the allusion does not explain itself, as do most of Nashe's
examples from Pliny, it may be worth while to quote from
Bartholomeus [Anglicus] de proprietatibus rerum, Book XVIII,
Ch. lxxxij [Wynken de Worde's edition, circa 1594]:
Phisiologus spekyth of the Pantera & sayth. that he hatith the
Dragon: and ye dragon fleeth hym: And whan he hathe ete
ynough at full he hydeth hym in his denne & slepith contiuually nye thre dayes: and rysyth after thre dayes & cryeth:
And out of his mouth comyth ryghte good ayre & sauour: & is
passyng mesure swete: And for the swetnesse all bestys
folowe hym / And oonly the dragon is aferde whan he heryth
his voys & fleeth in to a denne & maye not suffre the smelle
therof: and faylleth in hymself & lesyth his comfort / For
he wenyth yt hys smelle is very venym.
P. 88, 9. zanie i femme de chambre here, though the more usual
Elizabethan sense is fool or mimic.
P. 91, I8. riding deuice: running knot.
P. 96, 5. gascoynes  breeches.
P. 96, 24. mizers: 'a kind of sop made with the crumb of bread,
etc.'-N.E.D.




NOTES


I29


P. 97, 12. Pitch and pay t if he pay on the nail.
P. 99, 4. oreloope t the lowest deck, covering in the hold.
P. 99, 13. my head sweld and akt i not from his fall but from the
sprouting of a cuckold's horns: the inevitable sign of jealousy
in an Elizabethan writer, as in the opening of The Winter's
Tale and countless other places.
P. 104, I. apple squire i pimp.
P. 104, 28. liripoop.: lesson.
P. 106, 6-7. blackhe sant: a hymn addressed to the devil. The
black sanctus was usually, if not always, a humorous composition, but Zadoch is serious enough and thinks only of the strict
meaning of the phrase.
P. 109, 28-9. here in this page.: Dr. McKerrow has called attention
to the curious coincidence that in both the editions this sentence
actually begins a page. In B (set up from the sheets of A) this
is of course natural enough, but if the place of the sentence in
A is intentional, it would seem to argue a pretty strict control
of the compositor by the author.
P. 111, 25-6. Iuliana... maide t Nashe has evidently forgotten
the reason for Diamante's travels given on p. 63, 11. i6-I8.
P. 113, 24. pestred t crowded.
P. 118, 35. mother: hysterical passion.
P. 119, 24. bolne t swollen.


9




I
I~




TEXTUAL EMENDATIONS
HE following list enumerates such obvious misprints in the text as have been corrected in this
edition without reference in the footnotes, which
have been reserved for textual points worth consideration.
The list is of no interest to the ordinary reader, and is
given merely as a guarantee that the text has only been
altered in cases of evident misprints. Three of the following readings-those which occur at 60. II, II7. 26, and II7.
34-might perhaps have been tolerated but for the decisive
witness of the A text against them.
The sign > stands for 'has been emended to.'
Ed. A, page 4, line I8, contiually > continually.
Ed. B, page io, line 29, ioueneies > iourneies: 13. 18, wili > will
I8. I7, voryest > veryest: I9. 25, Theefore > Therefore:
20. 14, haue haue > haue: 20. 29, whild > while: 23. I6,
sinigraphicall > finigraphicall: 26. 27, Mazons > Masons:
28. 26, all all > all: 30. I2, dublot > dublet: 30. 34, thoir
> their: 31. 25, violcnee>  violence: 35. I, thy >  they:
35. 28, ouethrow > ouerthrow: 37. 7, eredunt > credunt'
39. 5, imberd > emberd: 39. 36, puxse > purse: 40. 21,
funetall > funerall: 42. 27, parasite > parasites: 42. 33, vy
violence > by violence: 42. 36, a nother > an other: 43. I8,
statui > statuti  43. 33, montes > montis  44. 22, Vanderhulke >  Vanderhulke: 45. I6, will. With > will. With:
49. 33, tuene > tune: 50. 29, Gdraldine > Geraldine. 51. I4,
beneath > beneath: 5I. i8, lawee > lawes: 52. 30, steed >
stood: 54. 23, so pittifullly > so pittifully: 54. 25, Tares >
Tears: 55. 22, eur > our: 55. 24, English > English: 56. 15,
scuh > such: 58. 35, hau > haue: 59. 21, craspe > graspe t
60. Ii, imfamie > infamie: 60. 22, Englnnd > England:
I3I




I32


TEXTUAL EMENDATIONS


62. 29, thou-hast > thou hast: 63. 4, Calstaldos > Castaldos
63. 29, hce > hee: 69. 32, knit > knot: 73. 22, of of > of:
74. I9, someties > sometimes: 74. 30, obsemed > obserued:
75. I6, on > of: 77. I8, damaunded > demaunded: 78. 5,
knnwen > knowen: 78. I9, laden > leaden: 78. 29, scituaton
> scituation: 81. IO, and > had: 83. 24, Tben > Then:
85. 14, I I > I: 88. 22, rssing > rising: 89. 8, paradtce is >
paradice is: 91. 33-4, greeudusly > greeuously: 92. I6, deafh
> death: 97. I9, consanguitie > consanguinitie: I03. I6, if
< of: 103. 25, fainted hartedst > faintest hearted: o06. 23,
coeniurer> coniurer: io6. 36, shurgging> shrugging: 107. 4,
baue > haue: 107. 9, strinkes > stinkes: Io8. I6, Zodoch
> Zadoch. IIO. 35, dim > him: III. 28, neceessaryes >
necessaryes:  I2. 9, fo > to: 13. 7, Petcrs> Peters  113. I I,
tewels > iewels: II6. 27, doge > dogd: II7. 3, manitaine
> maintaine: II7. 26, bodie > bodies: 117. 34, warpt >
wrapt: II8. 9, slaughterd > slaughter: I20. 35, openod >
opened: I2I. Io, vyene > veyne.
Turned letters:
Ed. B, page i, line 31, outragionsly: I3. I8, ouely: 44. 36, tougne:
45. 3, yon: 46. 6, Insomuch: 55. 22, ignoraut: 56. 36, compauie: 59. 4, ranishingly: 60. II, loadiug: 6i. 20, learniug:
64. 22, dampt aud: 64, 30, heariug: 66. 30, illnminatiuely:
69. 27, whatsoener: 73. 21, aud scorues: 76. 8, scorpious:
78. I8, superflnities: 96. 20, Conntry: 98. 20, lackiug:
100. I6, goiug: I04. 8, peraduenture: 104. 10, uot: 1o6. 24,
canes: 112. 2, ont: ii8. 9, baud: 120. 17, vengeannce:
120. 20, murderons.
Mispunctuation:
Ed. B, page 7, line 3, Chronicles, > Chronicles),: 16. 4, packing, >
packing.: 20. 4, mony I > mony. I: 20. 29, examined, >
examined.: 44. 32, head, > head.: 44. 34, bilis (for > bilis)
for: 55. 35, cald.> cald).: 65. 7, authorised > authorised.:
66. 29, faire, > faire.: 73. 25, similitude > similitude.: 83. I7,
him, > him.: 87. 9, throat. and > throat, and: 88. 33, discourse > discourse.: 97. I, interpretationa, fine > interpretation, a fine: 98. I9, worth. what > worth; what: IOI. 15,
there > there.: io8. I3, them > them.: 114. 6, her, legs >
her legs: II4. 25, vs > vs.: ii6. 26, til. I > til I: II6. 30,
speke, with him now > speke with him, now: I 7. I 4, aske, >
aske.: 117. 29, deathes, wounde > deathes-wounde.
Printed by Hazell, Watson & Viney, Ld., London and Aylesbury.




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