G
75 Cents
Daniel Beavers Bock

October 17th 1899
THE
WILLIAM L. CLEMENTS
LIBRARY
Purchased from the
Trust Fund of
Lathrop Colgate Harper
LITT. D.
must


chain ay go o

LIFE
OF
MRS. ELLEN STEWART,
TOGETHER WITH
BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCHES
OF OTHER INDIVIDUALS.
ALSO, A
DISCUSSION WITH TWO CLERGYMEN,
AND ARGUMENTS
IN FAVOR OF WOMAN'S RIGHTS ;
TOGETHER WITH
LETTERS ON DIFFERENT SUBJECTS.

WRITTEN BY HERSELF.
ÅKRON, O:
BEEBE & ELKINS, PRINTERS:
1858.
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ТЯТ ИМЯ ЯНА
ПРИ КАНТрот
РАНОТНИЙ АОЛНАЯТ Н08

2 ТА ПОЛІТИННОГО
A OST .
ИНН 3 ТООТНТРИ ОНИЕ ШТО СЕ

ЕННЯ РИАМО ПО АРТИЛЕ
Н. ЯГАНІЧНОТ
атр.Р ПИНЯТТИО НЯТТЯ
Наналар хил ТТТЯТ


0 ИОЛИА.
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Barbora se prostig hes mobor
and and The Antwort a helt aut abismet
tot bugil tanto alt yahou bainoa talo zanimsword
Che beatedoraemono rood gva ogs
For and out about boot modtowia tuo
dara budiday bad Porn 10 from
ho de bold blu di honestly
பாதாம்பா மடியார் பார் hand a ro erpill
Bell S obzotierad od embroid
PREFACE.yonis brousko
DEAR READER:--In the following narrative you have but a meager
sketch, a brief outline, of the experience, labor and trials of one
in humble life, who with few advantages and amidst many diffi-
culties, has been striving to perform a pilgrimage, from spiritual
Egypt, to the heavenly Caanan. And after the adventures, and
having escaped the dangers of the travel of the last fifty years,
desires here to erect her Ebenezer, saying, hitherto the Lord hath
helped us, and set up some beacons of warning for other pil-
grims, that they may see, and escape the rocks and quicksands,
whirlpools and straits, which had nearly proved fatal to her.
And by comparison of the present with the past, to mark for
their comfort, the progress of free principles, within the last thir-
ty years, among the more enlightened part of human and chris-
tian society. With the superior light and educational advantag-
es many now enjoy, they may look on many of my afflictions as
needless, and think those tears and agonies might have been
spared. This is true of those I brought on myself, by disobedi-
ence, but had I been obedient, my troubles could not have been
few nor small, while such darkness prevailed in regard to woman's
rights, especially her rights of conscience. Yet with this differ-
ence, I should have had more divine support, assurance and com-
fort, and strength equal to my day. Indeed when I recall to
memory my lack of faith and firm trust in God, which caused
such shrinking and cowardice in some instances, I am filled with

iv
PREFACE
Wonder and gratitude at the long suffering and patience exercis-
ed towards me. Had I then known what I now do, and had
the wariness of sin, created under the chastising rod, I should long
ago have been cast out as a reprobate sinner, and as salt with-
out savor, been trocden under foot. But here I am still, a monu-
ment of mercy, a brand plucked out of the fire, clothed in
raiment, whitened in the blood of the lamb, with a fair mitre of
hope on my head, pen in hand to record the loving kindness of
the Lord. May the blessing of God attend the feeble effort, and
grant that it may be as bread cast upon the waters, which shall
found
ELLEN STEWART.
be round after many days. AT ELLEN STEWART.
tognome a dod o vad som Steingrimoto DIAS DE
homo lo alsit masomog do nitro and dist
by mouebimas buvo todo o
Terdiri dari yoniglio del Touloodpora
ban korunme vbe et relin bn MISHO ingyen edhe
eingreit des to Torrent to thot botas van
del bol od otrodit aangea Tana del tortorgot tolesh
-Eig redio to try to arrogunda sto go bau regatari
cebracnoimp Bia Bonaiaqnoen gang var det er en
Tale of a hyvong Viron bed daily role, baloagrid
Polist of prod; die toestant to modifier ce ball
want Jest od in allen Oort pegou out plugg terk
och mybe Iscoitoothe best color and a Vleissa
nenodailis yo lo amor no lool vsem oft Wort vers
god ay angle of togs
bad god bilo kolhoom
-thodol yd love to udgroud 1 220 TESTRE
tred eyed to bodo rashlado nos i ha dado
a snow of banget af balang aastaks slott olid lakta om w
Tekib ain di Y: 1994 iganog to adgit rod iliongea bilgi
- og bagong poython som bara att
of Lepor mod bophalvblodgette Busstol
boatse doi baten onder de los pie GET
diw holi
sono in un

strato
Aber behalten habe ich das beste
allottare
vlor ad been cu
CHAPTER I.
Salad Boy Bedroom
Birth AND PARENTAGE-EDUCATIONAL ADVANTAGES-PROVIDEN-
TIAL ESCAPES FROM DEATH, UNDER DANGER-RESIDENCE IN A
QUAKER FAMILY, FIRST ACQUAINTANCE WITH METHODISTS-
VIEWS OF RELIGION, GOOD DESIRES-STATE OF THE PEOPLE IN
MY FATHER'S NEIGHBORHOOD-FIRST METHODIST PREACHING IN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND ITS EFFECTS.
I was born in the town of Middlefield, County of Otsego,
State of N, Y, My parents names were Hosea and Hannah
Brown. My parents' were poor, but honest and industrious. I
have a faint recollection of my grand parents, on my mother's
side, whose names were Aaron and Anna Butts. Dimly do I re-
member standing by his (my grand father's,) dying bed. The
unnatural heat in his hand, and flush on his cheek, as he took
hold of my hand, also the assemblage of people at his funeral;
but I had then no sense of death, being not more than three years
and a half old. My grand mother lived to be nearly a hundred
years old. When I was seven years old my father removed to
Farmington, Ontario Co., N. Y. I being the oldest of a family
of fourteen children, all of whom lived to mature years except-
ing three, I was constantly needed at home to aid my mother in
nursing and household labor. As the country was new, schools
were scarce, and tuition dear, and my school education did not
exceed nine or ten months, in different periods from 4 to 18 years
of age, as I had opportunity; but I had a number of uncles and
aunts, who were much at our house, and after attending school
three months, I could spell well, and one of them would take me
on her lap, (being from four to five years old,) and another put
out words from the spelling book, and amuse themselves in hear-
ng me spell hard words. Their praises made me ambitious to

6
NARRATIVE.
learn, and very soon I could read well. My mother became pi-
ous before my earliest remembrance, through the instrumentality
of some Quaker preachers who stayed a night at my father's.
She took much pains to give her children religious instructions;
being well versed in the Scriptures, she often quoted passages
suited to the occasion in giving needed chastisements, and when
alone with us, used to tell us Bible-stories, in language suited to
our childish capacity. This excited a curiosity to read the holy
book, and we early became somewhat acquainted with the histor-
ical parts of the Bible, for which I have reason to praise God.
Its cautions have shielded me in times of temptation and perplexi-
ty. It has counseled and directed, and under affliction's sharpest
scourge, it has brought comfort and support. I will mention a
few instances of God's kind preventing providence over me in
childhood and youth. When about ten years of age, I lived a
few weeks with an old lady, a near neighbor to my father's. She
had a grand-son living with her, and a girl came to play with us.
One afternoon I noticed some rude behavior between her and the
boy, with which I acquainted the old lady, and in my presence
she took occasion to scold them severely, and teach us lessons,
and repeat terrible warnings, which I shall never forget. This, to-
gether with my mother's faithful instructions, armed me against
the giant vices, which has ruined its thousands. At the age of
eleven, (I was large for one of my age,) my parents left home,
leaving me to take charge of the children. Towards night a man
who married my mother's sister, came in; being familiar in the
family, he sported with the younger children awhile, then went
to the door, called me to him, and in a low voice said, Ellen I have
a fine present for you, but I cannot bring it here, I want you to
meet me at the corners, (half a mile distant, in a dense wood,)
and I will bring it there; in childish thoughtlesness I agreed to
meet him there. But after he was gone I queried with myself,
if he has a present for me, why not bring it here. I grew suspi-
cious that some mischief was intended, and dared not to go.
I
have ever reckoned this among my providential escapes, for this
man proved himself an unprincipled villain soon after. About
the age of fourteen I lived at a neighbor's a short time; one af-
ternoon the lady of the house went away, leaving three or four

NARRATIVE.
7
children in my care; they climbed upon a stoop at the back side
of the house; I fearing the little ones might fall, undertook to
climb after them, when I fell from near the roof, and my head
struck a saw log beneath, which stunned me, and I remained sense-
iess till the next morning when I awoke and found my head band-
aged and smelling strong of camphor, and knew not what it
meant; had I then been killed, I should have known no pain or
suffering in death. At another time I was riding on horse-back
through a forest in a foot path, when suddenly I discovered a large
tree lodged over the path. It lay so high from the ground that
by stooping sufficiently I might have passed under in safety, but
the horse was hard bitted, and darted under with such speed that
in the act of stooping, my head struck the tree, the saddle turned,
and I fell off backwards. The horse stood still, but I was so
wrenched in my neck and shoulders, that it was long before I
could stir to disengage my feet from the stirrup. Surely some
guardian angel stood near, for had the horse run I must have
been killed. When about twelve years old, I lived about ten
months in a Quaker family; they were very affectionate and kind,
and I loved them much. They desired my parents to bind me
to them until of age, offering on that condition to make me
joint heir with their own children, but my parents refused.
While in this family, they hired a woman who was called a Meth-
odist. She was the first Methodist I ever saw ; she was regarded
with jealousy and suspicion by the family, ("for as for this way,
it was every where spoken against,") in those days. The mis-
tress of the house professed to be shocked at her presumption ;
when in conversation, she said she was not afraid of death, and
believed she should rejoice to see the Saviour coming in the clouds
of heaven, and the world on fire. Miss Briggs, (for that was her
name,) was very zealous and talked to all as she had opportunity,
on the subject of their souls' interests; when alone with her she
talked to me, and what she said affected me much. I saw propri-
ety, beauty and excellency in religion, but thought I was not yet
old enough to be a Christian; except my parents had belonged to
the Quaker Church so that I could have come into the church by
heirship, as children of my acquaintance did, which I regretted,
was not the case. The neighborhood where my father lived was
8
NARRATIVE.

but recently settled, and their manner was to ſell the forest, trim
the tall thick trees, pile and burn the brush; then plant corn,
pumpkins, potatoes, garden sauce, &c., among the logs as they lay
promiscuously over the fallow, and they yielded abundant crops ;
after the corn was harvested, they took their turns in making
what they called a husking bee, for which they provided plenty
of whisky, pumpkin pies, cakes &c.; the whole neighborhood was
invited, generally in the afternoon and evening, and all turned
out, old and young, men and women, young men and maidens,
and they usually had a merry time of it, and the heathenish hoot
and yell, and merry laugh, were heard afar off; sometimes one or
two would get more of the good criter,' (as it was then counted)
than he was able to stand up under, but they worked well, and
seldom left corn unhusked, finishing sometimes in the night; a
large portion of the company would then gather into some house
and spend the remainder of the night in singing and dancing.
But this state of things did not long continue, for the Methodist
preachers came into the neighborhood to preach, and as it was
said of the apostles that with "great power they gave witness of
the resurrection,” so might it be said of them, that with great
power they preached the gospel, and within a few weeks nearly
the whole neighborhood forsook their vain course and were form-
ed into a class professing to be seekers of religion, and such they
undoubtedly were, for it was not long before that wilderness
blossomed as arose, and instead of the wild halloo and the vacant
laugh, the merry joy and rumbling dances, was heard the voice
of praise, prayer, singing of hymns, loud shouts of glory and
thanksgiving to God, and hearty amens to the truth.
abuo ango
Toda Hold tol)
too idea
CHAPTER II.
SERIOUS REFLECTIONS-DECISION-EARNEST ENDEAVORS TO SEEK
AFTER
GOD-TEMPTATIONS-CONVICTION-OPPOSITION OF MY
FATHER---HIS CONVERSION-DISCLOSURE OF MY FEELINGS, LEAD-
INGS OF THE SPIRIT, EFFECTS OF HIDING MY LIGHT OR OF DISO-
BEDIENCE.
I was by no means an idle spectator of these things, but was
led seriously to reflect. I called to mind instances of early pie

NARRATIVE,
9
ty, related in the Bible, as of Joseph, young Josiah, Samuel, &c.
I knew the Holy Spirit was striving with me, and feared if I did
not yield to its dictates, it would leave me, and perhaps forever.
I believed, as I understood what was implied in the gospel, I was
old enough to serve God. I saw myself just stepping on to the stage
of action, and thought, now is the time to make choice what
course to pursue in life. Various passages of Scripture came with
power to my heart, such as “choose ye this day whom ye will
serve,” Christ or Belial, “the wages of sin is death,” “the wicked
shall be turned into hell," &c. I soon made up my mind that,
let others do as they would, as for me, I would serve God. I im-
mediately commenced secret prayer, and broke off the practice of
all that I believed to be wrong. I knew that though I broke off
my sins outwardly, and though I might do many good works, all
this would not avail to my salvation, that there was a work to
be done within; my heart must be changed; in a word, I must be
"born again.” When I heard Christians tell their experience, I
knew they enjoyed something that I did not. This therefore be-
came the burden of my prayer continually, Lord forgive my sins,
convert and save me. But Satan here tried to baffle and discour-
age me. When praying the thought would come to my mind, God
is a great and glorious being; he is far off in heaven, and will not
stoop to listen to such a weak prayer as yours. But I took en-
couragement from the thought that God was everywhere present,
and that he was a reasonable being, requiring no more of his
creatures than they can do. Then there came the suggestion,
you do not know how to seek, and you donot seek a right, you
may go mourning all your days, and lose all the happiness and
pleasures of youth, and not find at last what you desire. I an-
swered, all these things weigh nothing in the scale against an
immortal soul, and eternal things; therefore I will press on in
the best manner I can, and if I never find, I will die seeking for
mercy. I had a clear sense of sin and of the justice of God, and
felt that it would be just if He should cast me off; yet the declar-
ation in his word, that“ He is gracious and merciful, forgiving in-
iquity,” inspired my heart with a measure of faith so that I was
enabled still to plead the name of Jesus, plainly discovering that
He was the only way to God, I had imagined that whenever He
כל

10
NARRATIVE.
came to my salvation, it would be something in the manner of St
Paul's conversion, some great manifestation that would nearly
overwhelm me. But contrary to this, while thinking on the suf-
ferings and condescention of Christ, suddenly I felt it was all for
me, and my heart melted with love, joy and gratitude, so that
my mouth was filled with praise, but all in silence, so that they
heard me not in an adjoining room. This was something beyond
what I had felt before, and I queried much from whence it came.
On the next day, in meditation as before, I felt the same grateful
love spring up in my heart. Then that well known passage of
Scripture came to my mind, "The wind bloweth where it listeth,
and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it
cometh, and whither it goeth, so in every one that is born of the
Spirit." At that moment I received a clear witness of the forgiv-
eness of my sins, and that I was born of the spirit, which cried
“Abba Father" in my heart.
My father was much opposed to the work thus going on in the
neighborhood, and to the Methodists. Much disgusted at the cry-
ing amen, groanings, and loud shouts of praise to God, he declar-
ed from time to time that he would go no more to their meetings,
and as often broke his promises, and it was not long before he be-
trayed some scruples about working on the Sabbath, which was
something new for him, and appeared unusually sober and
thoughtful, and one Sabbath morning asked me to give thanks at
table. I was satisfied that the Spirit of God was striving with
him, at which I greatly rejoiced, earnestly praying and hoping
for his conversion. On the next evening he came in from his la-
bor seeming much cast down; before going to rest, he, without
speaking, fell on his knees, my mother and myself also kneeled;
after waiting some time, he remaining silent, I began to pray vo-
cally; when I ceased he broke silence, and with sobs and tears
cried, ci God be 'merciful to me, a sinner;" he rose and after a few
minutes said, it seems strange that Ellen has got to be older than
her parents. I asked him if he thought me too forward, he answer-
ed no, but instead of your parents leading you in the way you
should go, you are leading them. From this time he kept up
family prayers and soon was happy in a sense of sins forgiven.
He was truly like a little child, often weeping for joy, though as

NARRATIVE.
11
he declared, previous to his conviction and conversion he had nev-
er shed tears, even at the loss of near friends; but now, though
not a natural singer, calling on me to assist, he would sing for his
family hymn after hymn, till overcome with emotion, he would fall
a laughing and weeping aloud; a laugh that was peculiar in its na-
ture, such as methinks was Sarah's laughter when she said, "God
hath made me to laugh, so that all who hear me will laugh also.”
That dear parent is now 87 years old, and having held fast his in-
tegrity, calmly waits, as a shock of corn ripe in its season, for the
message to call him home. My mother died happy in the Lord,
20 years since. But to return; my father and mother and myself
soon after united with the Episcopal Methodists; I enjoyed peace
with God, and in a measure often joy in the Holy Ghost, but as
yet had disclosed my feelings to no one but my parents. At
meetings I sat in some corner, feasting alone exceedingly on the
labors of the saints and minister. But soon I felt a longing de-
sire to let my feelings be known; as is often expressed of stories
vastly less interesting, “it was too good to keep.” I first opened
my mind to a sister in the Church, then in class meeting, then in
love-feast. It was truly with fear and trembling I did so, being
exceedingly diffident. The second time I attempted to speak in
a love-feast, I cannot forget, it being to me truly a baptism of
fire, such as I had not before known. The meeting was in a cold
room, in dead of winter, no fire place or stove; my feet were very
cold and I shivering; but in speaking I was so blessed and happy
that sitting down, I felt a burning love in my heart for God and
my brethren, that was as a fire, first in my bosom, and spreading
over my whole frame, my feet waxed warm and I was truly com-
fortable in body and mind. I had many sore temptations, and
being ignorant of Satan's devices, he often led me into carual rea-
sonings concerning my duty, or the course I was pursuing; yet
animated by the example of sisters in Christ, I was following on
in childlike simplicity, and growing in grace daily for three or
four years, and had I still continued to do so, whạt conquests
might I have gained and what glory have been my reward. But
the period arrived for my faith and fidelity to be more severely
tried. In hearing preaching in the power of the spirit, (as it
usually was at that day,) I sympathized so much with preachers

12
NARRATITE.
in behalf of perishing sinners, that I had much ado to keep my
seat when they had done, and not rise and give vent to my feel-
ings, by way of exhortation, but for this I had no example among
my sex; and fearing that the people and especially the preacher
and brethren would think I was too forward, I quenched the
spirit, yet it followed me, and at a certain time I attended the fu-
neral of a child, where the congregation was mostly made up of
friend Quakers. There being no preacher present, they all sat an
hour silent; but O! what an hour was that to me. The Spirit
strove with me to rise and speak; it brought a text of Scripture
most appropriate; it opened a wide field before me, and as this
people allowed women to preach, I seemed to have no excuse.
But I feared, as the Quakers call all those who speak in pub-
lic, "preachers,” word would go out that I had been preaching
and I shrunk and therefore quenched the spirit.
At another time I attended a funeral; when on my way thither
my mind was impressed by the Spirit with the idea that the
preacher, (for one was sent for,) would not be tl ere, and I must
speak to the people, opening as before a field of ideas, many of
them new to me, but the same objection kept me back. The ef-
fect
was,
I
was thrown into perplexity, fears and doubts. Though
at the time duty appeared plain, afterwards all appeared dark,
and Satan threw his fiery darts, telling me that I was a strange
enthusiastic creature, and that such impressions were but the off-
spring of my own imagination, and should I be led by them I
knew not to what length of folly I might be carried ; quoting
Jemima Wilkinson and others, as examples. These thoughts
caused a shrinking, for no thonght to me was more awful than of
being led into error of doctrine and fanaticism. The spirit came
again and again, pointing me to duty, but sure as that duty ex-
ceeded the known beaten track, prescribed by the customs of the
day for females, so sure was I to disobey. The consequence was
my enjoyment gradually declined, and the spirit gradually left
off its striving until I was very dull and stupid, and began to fear
I should back slide utterly. Now, friendly reader, let me ask you,
could
you have stood by and known the conflict of my soul, what
would
you
have said to me: If it had been a man thus exercis

NARRATIVE.
13
ed in mind, you would have said, yield, disobedience; do your
duty; "quench not the spirit;" but it was a woman, whereupon
I suppose you will say, quench it, you have reached your stake,
stay by it and go no further. This I did, and in my next chapter
I will give you some further account of the consequences.
god de
CHAPTER III.
PHARISAIC STRICTNESS, FLATTERY AND DANGER OF BEING LED IN-
TO HYPOCRISY-INWARD CONSCIOUSNESS OF NAKEDNESS AND DES-
TITUTION--A PRESERVATIVE FROM THESE-TOOK A SCHOOL FOR
SIX
MONTHS-STATE OF MIND WHILE THERE-REPROOF
FROM
FATHER WILES-GREAT TROUBLE AND DARKNESS ABOUT MY CON-
DITION--FASTING AND STRIFE-DISCOVERY OF THE DIFFICULTY
Vows, &c.
alto
I had lost no particle of my resolution to serve God, but the
trouble was, I was going to serve him in my own way and not in
his way. Here Satan employed all his sagacity to lull my con-
science asleep and make me think well of my
condition. I was
naturally of a sedate and thoughtful turn, and loved retirement;
had no inclination for giddy company, was scrupulously plain in
dress. I was living in many different families as I supported
myself by hired service. I had a way of retiring to some secret
place for prayer as regularly as I went to my meals; kept the
Sabbath strictly, attended meetings, &c., and occasionally profes_
sors and non-professors congratulated me on my sobriety, wish-
ing themselves as deeply devoted to God as they conceived me to
be; and had it not been for the light of conviction, I should prob-
ably have believed them and become a painted hypocrite, a boas-
ting pharisee. But I knew it was not with me as heretofore; I
was destitute of the garment of Righteousness, wrought by faith,
which once I had, covered me from wrath and shielded me from
temptation. I had not that sweet fellowship with God and his
people, nor the spirit of prayer and praise. In this state of mind,
in the spring of the year that I was twenty years old, I took a
school in the town of Seneca, Seneca Co., N. Y., for six months.
Here was a large class of Methodists and a local minister, an Eng-
lishman, by the name of Wiles. In a meeting house close by my

14
NARRATIVE.
an answer.
school house, was circuit preaching once in two weeks, and they
had prayer meetings every Thursday. I endeavored to plant the
germs of piety in the minds of my scholars; prayed in my school,
in short, left no outward thing undone so far as my prescribed
limits extended. Here also, hints were thrown out by some of
the Class, signifying that they considered me a person of exalted
piety; but though I said nothing about it I felt wretched beyond
description, and clanked my chains in secret, for though I some-
times made a sort of prayer in the prayer meetings, I felt myself
destitute of the spirit, and I dreaded to be inquired of in the
Class Meetings, for my mind was so barren I could hardly frame
Thus passed three months; no one seemed to dis-
cern my spiritual state but the English preacher, Father Wiles,
and he said to me one day, “Sister Bron (Brown) you must get
more of the Spirit; without it you are a poor creature.” I deep-
ly felt the truth of what he said and owned it a reproof most
reasonable; but how to get the Spirit, was the great question
with me.
James Gilmore was our circuit preacher, and one day
he asked me the following questions: “Does not the Spirit press
you to speak in public ? - and does not the Scriptures sometimes
open a field to your mind?” I gave him an evasive answer, as I
was in no state of mind to own the truth. In the course of the
last quarter, as my concern continually increased about my spir-
itual condition, so that I could not rest, I set apart one Friday
to fast and pray, believing in my heart that I could so humble
myself, confess my sins and seek mercy, that I could find it, be-
cause Christ had said “if we sought we should find,” or “asked it
should be given," and that “his Father was more willing to give
the Holy Spirit to those that asked him than parents were to give
good gifts to their children,” forgetting that the suppliant must
be submissive to his will, keeping his commandments, and willing
to do those things that are pleasing in his sight, and though I knew
it not, trusting too much to my own endeavors. After dismis-
sing my school in the afternoon I retired to a wood near by, and
choosing a retired spot, I kneeled down and attempted to pray,
but could not utter a word I felt so desolate and forsaken of God.
I was tempted to despair, and think that God had given me over
and I should never again taste of his goodness. I was disappoin-

NARRATIVE.
15
For a
ted and alarmed; I made several attempts at a sort of general
confession, as “O Lord I have sinned, I'm exceeding vile," &c.,
but without any definite sense of how, or wherein, and on my
face, and on my knees, I made attempts at prayer, but in vain.-
Almost frantic with sorrow, I cried, “ Lord have mercy upon me,
I cannot pray,” and gave up my attempts in despair.
while my heart was pained and my distress was very great ;
could I have wept it would have been a relief, but the fountain
was dry; not a tear could I shed. I felt like one inclosed with-
in a cold stone wall; struggle as I might I could make no im-
pression. So I sat down on a fallen tree to try to consider and
examine myself. I looked back on past scenes of my life and
then on my present mode of religious living; outwardly I could
see no cause for my present state of desertion; what I now be-
lieve to have been the real cause had been long out of my thoughts.
In deep anguish I cried “O, that I knew why all this trouble has
come upon me!” Suddenly it came to my mind what impres-
sions I had often had, and how I had obstinately disobeyed. Then
I thought, it may be after all, that they were from God, and my
disobedience may be the cause why I am thus deserted and dead
while I have a name to live. I then kneeled again and said“ Oh
Lord, if this is the thing which has displeased Thee and caused
Thee to hide Thy face from me, I pray forgive me and let Thy
Spirit again return to my unworthy breast, and I will obey Thee."
But 0, I knew not the deceit of my heart. On the next day
(Saturday) towards night, there came a stranger to my boarding
place and desired lodgings over the Sabbath, which was granted.
He was poorly clad; no one would have suspected him to be a
minister; but after resting awhile he began singing a hymn, and
there was a certain sound in it which was to me reviving. He re-
quested the privilege to pray, and prayed with such faith and
power both night and morning, that it almost brought my dead
soul to life. In the morning meeting he gave an appointment to
preach in my
school house in the afternoon. I began to feel after
the old fashion, a conviction of duty to speak after him, and for
the present consented; but when he was preaching I scarce knew
what he said, so great was the conflict going on in my mind from
the temptations and reasonings of Satan, and strange to tell, I

16
NARRATIVE.
yielded to them, although the man of God threw the door wide
open, by saying “There is liberty, if any brother or sister have
a word to say.” Of its being my duty to speak as the Holy Spir-
it led me I could no longer doubt, but having broken my vow
and feeling guilty and disheartened, I could not look up to Heav-
en with confidence, nor dare I make any more vows, and remain-
ed in an uncomfortable state of mind for many months:
CHAPTER IV:
TOOK A SCHOOL IN CANANDAGUA IN 1813 -- FIRST ACQUAINTANCE
TERO
WITH MY FIRST HUSBAND - CHARACTER OF HIS PARENTS - AT-
TENDED A QUARTERLY MEETING IN MIDDLESEX-EXERCISES OF
MIND WHILE THERE-SPEECH OF JAMES GILMORE-ITS EFFECT
ON ME YIELDING TO
THE DICTATES OF THE SPIRIT ON MY
WAY BACK IN SPEAKING TO A CONGREGATION-ITS EFFECTS ON
MYSELF.
In the spring of 1813, I kept a school in the township of Can-
andagua. There I became acquainted with my future husband,
Mr. REUBEN HICKCOX. He was a member of the M. E. Church
and his parents were pioneers in that Church, both in the State
of Connecticut, from whence they came, and in this place also
They were pillars in the Church, and beloved and respected by
all good people, adorning their profession with a well ordered life
and good conversation, and had suffered much persecution, es-
pecially in Connecticut, in the infancy of Methodism in that
country. They kept a Pilgrim's Inn, or free entertainment for
all who loved the Lord, without respect to name or sect; and
their neat and well ordered mansion was a pleasant resort for
ministers of various denominations. In this summer, in company
with my future husband, his mother and sister, we crossed Can-
andagua Lake and walked four miles to attend a Quarterly Meeting
in Middlesex; it was held in a private house where we tarried in
the interval, between afternoon and evening meeting. As a large
number of us were sitting in a room in conversation, Mr. James
Gilmore, who was the circuit preacher, spoke of some women on
his circuit and remarked that they were very officious, and one

NARRATIVE.
17
or two had applied for license, and concluded in a contemptuous
laugh, in which he was joined by the company. This, with the
prevailing views and customs of the day, was a thing of course,
But he knew not that there sat by a silent listener who could
not join in their merriment, and who was nearly electrified by
his words. In this meeting I found little enjoyment, having
many conflicting thoughts within. On Monday afternoon we
came down to the lake, but the wind was so high that we dare not
venture on with our little skiff, so we concluded to attend a prayer
meeting near by, that evening, hoping the wind would fall. The
meeting room was crowded and many seemed happy in God. For
my part I desired to share with them, but could not enter into
the spirit of worship as readily as they, for I had a controversy
to yield first. I endeavored to resign my will, and say, "Lord
what wilt thou have me to do." Then did I hear the still small
Voice” say, I will that you speak in My name; my flesh cried, any-
thing else but this. I thought, will it not answer as well to pray?
But a feeling of horror passed over me, and I felt that under pre-
sent circumstances, it would be mocking my Creator to his face.
I remembered the wormwood and the gall, and that to obey was
better than sacrifice; besides I had strong fears, if not obeyed this
time, the gentle spirit would take its everlasting flight. There-
.fore I yielded and rose to my feet and began to speak. But now
what a change, what a transition did I experience; light beamed
upon me; love to God, for His great love to man, sprang up in my
heart; sweet fellowship with His people, and melting compassion
for perishing sinners; all these were felt while speaking with ease
of utterance. When I had done, I felt as if in a new world, and I
doubt whether any person of my capacity could feel greater hap-
piness, which continued many days. We went to our skiff, but
the lake was still too rough, so we tarried over night, but I was
too joyful to sleep; I thought the question now settled as to my
duty, and could no more doubt that God called me to speak in
public, than I could doubt my own existence. Although I could
not understand to my satisfaction, what St. Paul meant by say-
ing that he suffered not a woman to teach, but to be in silence,
and that it was a shame for a woman to speak in the Church,” etc.;
and the reading of those passages always threw a damper on my
2

18
NARRATIVE.
feelings. The Spirit of God, as I believe, in conjunction with my
own experience, had taught me what He certainly did not mean,
i. e. that he did not mean that they should quench or grieve the
Spirit; hence He did not mean that they should not do any work
to which that Spirit leads them, though it be exhorting or preach-
ing or any other duty, public or private. I argued that as he has
bestowed on females as well as males, gifts differing, and the
greater and lesser gifts as promiscuously and indiscriminately on
the one sex as the other, and if all are to be led by the Holy
Spirit, all must have liberty of conscience. St. Paul said, the gos-
pel he preached was not after man, for he neither received of
man, neither was he taught it but by the Holy Ghost, and if the
same Holy Ghost teaches the same gospel to females, and teaches
them that they must preach it, who is Paul, or any other man,
that they shall say they shall not? The Lord by His spirit inspir*
ed the prophet Joel to say, that in the last days he would pour
out his spirit upon his servants and upon his hand-maids, and
they should prophesy. Now could they prophesy without speak-
ing? No; Paul said he that prophesieth, speaketh to edification,
&c. If God then said they should prophesy, He said they should
speak, and speak to edification, exhortation and comfort. This
sets Paul against God, for God says they shall speak, and Paul
says, they must keep silence, for it is a shame for them to speak.
But they say we must not speak in church; where then? Since to
“edify' is to build up, shall we go and build up sinners in their sins?
If any are to be built up, surely it is the saints. Again, if God
has bestowed gifts for one calling, has any man a right to force
us to choose another? and if He intended no female should preach,
why has He bestowed on some the ability to do it? So of any
thing else that they can do. We would impeach the wisdom of
a father who should provide his son with farming implements,
who he knew must and would follow the mercantile business ;
or with mechanical tools who was to be only a farmer; and shall
our all-wise Creator be charged with like folly and imbecility ?
No! whatever He has capacitated females to do, they have a right
to do, under the guidance and restriction of His word and Spirit,
as well as men. One of the circuit preachers once said to the

NARRATIVE.
19
writer, Sister Brown, I am sorry you are not a man; if you were
I would have you labor with me on the circuit; another said, sis-
ter B. I wish I had your oratory and your voice. But at the same
time, had I avowed it as my belief that such a work as preaching
was my duty, they would have thought it their duty to oppose
me with their might. If they had not mistaken St. Paul's words,
they would not have thought it wrong to follow his example, for
women labored with him in the gospel. There is a mistake
somewhere about this matter; may the Lord enable his church to
see it. But I must return to my narrative; gentle reader pardon
my long digression.
od
bar
De bello
CHAPTER V.
TO
"THOUGHTS OF CELIBACY FOR CHRIST'S SAKE; FINAL DECISION;
DET
MARRIAGE TEMPTATIONS; VICTORY BY RESORT TO THE BIBLE
GOOD RESOLUTIONS --- ADVERSE CIRCUMSTANCES; HUSBAND DE-
CLINES IN RELIGION; ANXIETY FOR HIM; ENDEAVORS TO CON-
SOLE AND COMFORT HIM; SUCCESSFUL FOR THE PRESENT
STRONG TEMPTATIONS AND SORE INWARD CONFLICTS - SENSIBIL-
ITY OF AND AFFLICTION ON ACCOUNT OF DECLENSION OF THE
METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH IN VITAL RELIGION.
My mind being settled in point of duty, another question arose
upon which it was necessary I should soon decide; my school
was about to close and I was conscious that I must enter a new
mode of life. Two ways were placed before me; I had an offer
of marriage, very suitable to my wishes; on the other hand
I proposed remaining single, and going into the vineyard of Christ
to labor, improving in public by way of exhortation, visiting fam-
ilies for religious conversation, and any way to be useful. In this
latter way I saw many difficulties which seemed almost insur-
mountable; but the chief were the oppositions I apprehended I
should meet from preachers, and the almost universal prejudice
which prevailed, with very few exceptions, in churches and in the
world, against females taking a public stand in any cause, espe-

NARRATIVE.
cially the cause of Christ. Yet I have no doubt, had I possessed
sufficient faith and courage to have taken this course, the Lord
would have cleared my way and made me useful, perhaps to a de-
gree I shall now never attain to. As to the former course, in it
I did not expect to taste a cup of bliss unmixed, but as much as
is usual, (at least with young people,) I anticipated some bitter
ingredients would necessarily be commingled in the drauglits of
future life. Still I thought I should gain a protector and a help
meet and perhaps be useful still, and considering that my own
happiness was not all that was to be had in view, but the happi-
ness of another, (at least for the present,) was deeply involved
în my decision, I decided to take the former course. Accord-
ingly on the first day of January, 1814, I was married to Mr. Reu-
ben Hickox. Satan is a cunning adversary, always improving any
novelty in our circumstances as an occasion to tempt us; I was
followed with suggestions like the following: you cannot now be
holy, you have a husband to please and must be involved in cares
of this life, and have neither time nor means of usefulness, as you
might have had in single life; the die is cast; it is all over with
you; you will certainly backslide. To this I opposed the case of
the old patriarchs, and various saints of the Old Testament with
Mary and Elizabeth, Zachariah, &c., who the Scriptures declare”
were righteous before God, blameless &c.; and if they could live
blameless and holy in a married state, so can l; and though I can-
not keep myself from backsliding, I am called to trust in one
who is able to keep me from falling, and to present me faultless
before His throne with exceeding joy. Thus I resisted the temp-
tation, and resolved to trust in God, and to do the duties of my
new relation, and endeavor to promote the present happiness of
my husband, so far as consisted with his and my own salvation.
The three following years there occurred what are usually term-
ed the cold summers; very little was raised, and from three hard
years' works we realized barely a subsistance. In addition to
this, his father had purchased a piece of land for him, which he
did not like, and refused to have. This displeased the old gen-
tleman, so that for the present he refused him any aid. He
bought another small farm, which involved him in debt, and hav-
ing no team or any farming tools, he stayed on it a few years and

NARRATIVE.
became discouraged and sold out to another man. i His father
now verbally gave him twenty-five acres off the end of his own
farm, but refused to give him a deed, for the present. He built
a house and moved into it, but still laboring under the same em-
barrassments, and meeting with some losses, being naturally am-
bitious, and anxious to gain property, he became very unhappy
and discontented with his lot, and
nd so de
declined in
his religious
feeling and enjoyment, that family prayer became a task and for
a time was neglected. This was grievous to me, as we had now
four little ones, and strong was my desire to bring them up for
God and in the way they should go. I endeavored to expostu-
late with him, reminded him of our agreement before our mar-
riage, like Abraham, to erect an altar for divine worship under
his own roof, never to be torn down while we lived, I endeavor-
ed to encourage him to cast his burdens on the Lord, who had
promised to sustain His people, who did so, reminding him of va-
rious promises contained in the Bible, insisting that as God, who
cannot lie had made these promises, they ought to remove our
anxieties about wordly affairs. That that was but a dead: faith,
which only trusts God without uneasiness, when all is properous ;
when our barns and our coffers are full, and our tables: loaded
with viands, not to say delicacies. That as christians we must
have a practical faith, one that trusts without anxiety, when the
harvest and the vintage fails, and the empty stall no herd affords;
when the parched earth yields no increase, and our barns and
stores are empty, and we know not from whence the next meal
shall come, that history has recorded thousands of instances,
where He has been thus trusted, and not in vain; that I verily
believed He cared for us with more tender solicitude, than we.
care for our little children, and if we faithfully used the scanty,
means within our reach, He would order all things well, and all
should work for good; and although he seemed not to view these
things in so strong a light as myself, he appeared more reconciled
and returned to duty. But while I strove to comfort him, for
whose salvation I knew not but I was as solicitous as for my own,
I had many conflicts and sources of grief within, I believed my-
self unsanctified, and discovered that many hidden evils, like the
noxious weeds in a garden, were springing up and striving for the

22
NARRAVIVE.
mastery, which
may
be summed up under two general heads,
pride and selfishness. I often sung in the language of my heart,
But pride, that busy sin, spoils all that I perform ;
Create my soul anew, else all my wor ip's vain,
This wretched heart will ne'er prove true,
Till it be formed again.
I also saw with great concern that there was a great declen-
sion from the power and vitality of religion in the Methodist E.
Church, so far as my acquaintance extended.
TOPO
CHAPTER VI.
WHAT THE METHODISTS WERE, AS A SECT, FOR SEVERAL YEARS AF-
TER MY FIRST ACQUAINTANCE WITH THEM — WHAT THEY WERE
IN 1825, AT LEAST IN MY VIEW — AGREEMENT IN REGARD TO IT
WITH ALL THE MOST DEVOTED MEMBERS AFFLICTION ON AC-
COUNT THEREOF; ENDEAVORS AND FERVENT PRAYERS FOR A RE-
VIVAL IN THE M. F. CHURCH THE CAUSE OF FAILURE FOUND TO
BE RELIGIOUS BIGOTRY THE CAUSES WHICH INDUCED BIGOT-
RY.
כל
On my first acquaintance with the M. E. Chuch, which is fifty
years ago, they were a humble, self-denying, godly people. The
ministers who labored among us were truly examples to their
flocks, and we discovered on frequent occasions, that what they
taught us, they practised themselves. As the country was new
and sparsely inhabited, they were inured to hardships and to the
plainest fare, and might truly be said “to endure hardness as good
soldiers of Jesus Christ," and many of them might doubtless
have said, what one of them expressed in rhyme :
"The coarse and scanty meal I eat,
SD
Then in some lonesome chamber creep;
I cannot sleep for want of clothes,
Smothered, and smoked and almost froze."
09
But they were full of the spirit of their Divine Master, and when
they came, it was like the coming of Titus, and when they left
us our feelings were like those of the Elders of Ephesus, we
"wept sorrowing that we should see their face no more.” Like
re

NARRATIVE.
28
little children without jealousies or suspicions, we obeyed their
teaching implicitly, and followed their examples, watching and
praying diligently, and often fasting - especially was this duty
enjoined, the Friday previous to every Quarterly Meeting - not
only mentioned and not practised, as has since been the case,
but actually practised. And as might have been expected when
his hosts, thus trained and marshaled, came to the battle ground,
their General was at their head. They were full of holy fire and
the camp of the enemy's hosts trembled, and often such as came
only to persecute and disturb their meetings, were seized with such
convictions that they fell to the earth like men slain in battle.
The preachers delighted to mingle with the people in their social
prayer meetings, and all were like little children together, and
frequently the new wine of the Kingdom was poured out so
abundantly, and they drank so deep, that they made a noise as
through wine, and preachers, and people, were dancing like "King
David,” or leaping like the lame man healed. At Camp-meetings,
where many of the different regiments met, with their brave un-
der officers, and the Great General at their head — it was often
a place sweet and awful — sweet to the saints, and awful to the
sinners - such power attended the preaching of the Word and
the exhortation (for invariably one and sometimes two or three
exhortations followed each sermon) that I have seen the counte-
Dance of the whole congregation almost blacken with excitement
and at length rise to their feet and draw nearer and nearer to the
stand, while sinners here and there would cry out “Lord have
mercy on me," and saints filled to overflowing, would respond
“ Amen, God have mercy," and many wept aloud, and the preach-
er's voice was often drowned by the mingled cries of the wound-
ed and shouts of the redeemed. In the intervals of preaching,
as soon as necessary refreshments were past, two or three of the
modern Boanerges would take their stand at a convenient distance
from each other, in clear spots on the ground, and commence
singing some spiritual song. This was a rallying sign, and each
was soon surrounded by hearty worshipers. Soon would they
kneel lowly on the ground, and while the under-shepherd lifted up
his voice in fervent prayer, a hundred faces might be seen up-
turned towards Heaven, with hands upheld rubbing or clappings

24
NARRATIVE.
which, with responses to each sentence, showed the depth of
emotion they felt. Many, to our knowledge, very many, who
were converted at these meetings, have lived faithful Christian
lives, and died triumphant in the faith. The Methodist preach-
ers of those days did not seem to know that their calling raised
them to a high and dignified station, nor the people to look up at
them with idolatrous and popeish reverence. The preachers did
not come into prayer-meetings, and in some corner sit silent as if
to criticise the performance of the people, nor the people at their
entrance, whisper, there is one of the preachers, and hearts fail
and knees tremble, and inly say to themselves, "I shall not be
heard this time."
Let this suffice for what the Methodist E. Church was when I
first knew her; but now, so far as our acquaintance extended, that
fervent heat of love and devotion, was much abated and though
the sword of the spirit, so far as theory is concerned, was still
wielded, its edges were not so sharp, nor the arrows so pointed
in the hearts of the king's enemies. A dead and formal worship
was growing fast upon us, and many, formerly active, seemed to
have all the work for the preachers, and official members, to do
who, still honored on account of their station, were usually
entertained in the more wealthy families. The poorer class com-
plained that they did not see their preachers, except in the
pulpit, thus losing confidence in their spiritual guides. These,
with other causes, produced such effects as were sensibly felt by
me, nor was I alone in my views of our condition; some of the
preachers, and the more spiritual among the members, mourned
over the declension though they did not attribute it to the real
fundamental cause. It was very common for the preachers to
charge it to the people on account of neglecting means of grace,
as they were called, such as class and prayer meetings, fasting,
&c.; when the truth was, a cause which lay behind all these had
rendered such means uninteresting and useless, and until that was
remop ed all must fail. Many efforts were made to make Metho-
dist do and feel as they used too; and at their meetings it was
quite common to hear prayers offered up with earnestness, say-
ing, 0, Lord revive primtive Methodism; which was, in effect,
a confession that they were a fallen people. And in great sin-

NARRATIVE.
25
Te talked of, and
cerity did we pray, 0, Lord revive thy work; and thought our-
selves very liberal when we added, send by whom thou wilt, on-
ly send speedily to our help. And though we were very modest
in speaking of it we were so sensible of a lack in the preachers,
that from year to year as it closed we prayed that God would
send us next year men after His own heart, full of the Holy
Ghost, and faith. We had not the least idea that God would send
by any other than the Episcopal Methodist preachers, the help
we asked; and the event proved that when he sent by others,
some of us were ready to fight against it. We
mourned over the faults of our beloved church, nor thought it a
small detached portion, but a small part of Christ's church. We
called it our mother, in whose lap we had been nursed and
brought up, when that honor was only due to the one only uni-
versal church of Jesus as the instrument of our birth into His
kingdom, and the nourishment and care necessary to our spirit-
ual growth, love and esteem being due any man, or set of men in
proportion as they labor in the spirit and their labors are blessed
to our benefit, all praises being to God alon. Terue, St. Paul men-
tions some whose praise was in all the churches, but it was a
report of individual goodness and usefulness, very different from
the kind of praises given by the Corinthians to St. Paul, Apollos
and Cephas. But our love for the M. E. church was too much
of the latter kind; we had grown up into it under the drilling of
our spiritual guides and teachers, who always seemed to give so
much preference, and frequently eulogised our church polity, our
discipline, our rules, &c. And knowing that in days past God had
abundantly blessed her labors to us and thousands, it was hard
indeed to wean any of her children, sufficiently to view her with
an impartial eye, and has been so in all past ages. Thus was it
with the Jews in the days of our Saviour, and thus, more or less,
with every succeeding sect. And the holier their ancestors, or
pioneers, and the greater the display of God's goodness, and pow-
er among them, the greater the tenacity, and the stronger their
bigotry, which strengthens at every step of their retrograde
march; till what they call their church, becomes an idol, and that
love, trust and worship, which is due only to God, is paid to it.
They are therefore jealous of anything which threatens to sup-

26
NARRATIVE.
plant, and envious towards those they consider to be rivals.---
Like Paul, they verily think they ought to do many things against
them, and too often, if they could, would command fire to come
down and consume them, not knowing what spirit they are of;
while they think they are fighting against error, they are fight-
ing against Christ, who is truth itself. And to such an extent
has this sad mistake prevailed, as to transform affectionate pa-
rents and children, and wives and kind and dear friends, into
tyrants, enemies and murderers. Such, to a certain extent, was
the state of many minds among us Methodists, in the State of
New York, at this period; at least to this it was growing, as it
were, insensibly; we knew nothing for many years, of any sect
but our own. We heard, it is true, of a Presbyterian church,
but they kept by themselves, and we by ourselves. They doubt-
less thought we were Arminians and enthusiasts; and we thought
the Presbyterians and Baptists were Calvinists, and we disliked
close communion. Nor did we dream that our love-feasts and
class-meetings might be too close; but presumed that we had the
best rules, the best preachers, the best doctrines, of any church
in the world. And if at any time we came in contact with a
stranger who appeared devoted to God, the first thing that enter-
ed our mind was, is he or she a Methodist; and if we found they
were called by another name they were at once depreciated in
our view. But a brighter day was rolling on, and the dawn of an
era when the minds of the people were to be enlarged. Hence
the splitting up, and multiplication; light exposing faults and
errors of sects, so that they could not shun contact with each-
other. Was not this the all-wise hand of Providence? The first
sect that disturbed our false tranquility, was the 'Christian' order
--so called ; against them our preachers were soon in arms. They
preached, wrote against them and excluded them from commun-
ion, calling them Deists, &c. Next came a Reformed Methodist,
by the name of Calvin Gilmore, a brother of James Gilmore.---
He preached what we called Methodist doctrine, and under his
preaching happened what had not before for some time; i. e.,
some sinners were converted. But though the young converts
were caressed, and doors were opened and invitations given for
them to come into our church, it was somehow found out that

NARRATIVE.
27
Calvin Gilmore was a bad man, and that the Reformed Methodist
church was made up of expelled members from other churches.
But theyoung converts said, “whether he be a sinner or no we
know not; one thing we know, that whereas, we were once blind
now we see.” “Will ye also, be his disciples ?")
CHAPTER VII.
BELIEF IN ITS BEING THE PRIVILEGE OF CHRISTIANS TO BE SANCTI-
FIED--EARNEST LONGING FOR, AND DEEP SENSE OF MY NEED OF
IT-DEEP SENSE OF SHORT-COMING, AND WRONG IN ME, ONLY TO
BE REMEDIED BY A DEEPER, AND MORE THOROUGH WORK OF
GRACE-REFLECTIONS DURING A SEVERE FIT OF SICKNESS-VOWS,
ETC.- RESTORATION TO HEALTH-REMARKS OF JAMES GILMORE
SIN OF THE DECEIT OF THE
HUMAN HEART-TEMPTATIONS TO
DISCOURAGEMENT-LOOKING UP BY FAITH, AND CLAIMING THE
PROMISES—THE WAY TO EXERCISE FAITH, SO AS TO BE CLEANSED
A MYSTERY-REAL EARNESTNESSKEENNESS OF HUNGER AND
THIRST AFTER RIGHTEOUSNESS-ATTENDED A CAMP-MEETING
HOPES OF FINDING HELP FROM MAN-DISAPPOINTMENT, EFFORTS
AND STRUGGLE OF SOUL, ALL MEANS FAILING; AT LAST LED TO
TRUST IN CHRIST ALONE; A SIGHT OF HIM ON THE CROSS BY
FAITH BRINGS DELIVERANCE-THE ASSURANCE AND THE SATIS-
FACTION.
The Methodists believed and taught the doctrine of holiness,
and in the early part of their career carried out the doctrine prac-
tically, which was the case in many instances in my early
acquaintance with them; but living. examples grew rare after
many years, though it was still held in theory. This doctrine I
was led to believe, upon examination, finding it agreeable to the
Scripture. In the Bible it is commanded; as far as Divine agency
is required, it is promised; it is prayed for by the king of Israel,
David, and St. Paul. It is declared to have been possessed by
some; both in the Old and New Testament times; and on record
are the testimonies of many modern christians, clear and lucid.
I have also heard the testimony of some living witnesses that
they have sought it not in vain; and if holiness is not attainable

28
NARRATIVE,
in this life, then Christ did not fulfill His mission. He died "that
He might sanctify the church with his own blood, and present it
as a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such
thing ; and His name is called Jesus, for He shall save His peo-
ple from their sins; and it must be in this life, for His spirit is to
teach all men to live soberly, righteously and godly in this pre-
sent world. It became a settled point of doctrine with me that
this was my privilege and high calling, and if my privilege, it
was also my duty; and not to avail myself of it was to slight my
Saviour's dying love, and remain unfit for Heaven, where nothing
can enter that defileth- without holiness nó man shall see the
Lord.” Thus it was placed before me in a tangible shape, as
something definite at which to aim, and after which to run, as
after the prize of my high calling; and I felt intense longings so
to run as to obtain. When I surveyed my past life, and my
many short-comings, and how little progress I had made, how I
had often grieved, and quenched the Holy Spirit, it seemed I had
trifled with and insulted my Maker, asking to know His will and
not giving up my own, and by being so weak in faith that I dare
not brave the difficulties and opposition, in the path of duty.-
And I felt and could plainly see pride as the root and selfishness
at the bottom of all this. Ah! cried I, how can I ever serve my
God aright, unless these enemies are cast out, and I am thoroughly
cleansed. I am told that "the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all
sin," and that “God will sprinkle clean water upon me, and
cleanse me.” Yet the Apostle says, "let us cleanse ourselves.”
So it seems both God and His people are to be agents in their
cleansing About this time I had a severe fit of sickness, in
which-as I was apprehensive that death might be near—I was
led to a close examination of myself, and scrutiny of my past
life, and searching of my heart. I saw so much that was not as
it should have been, that I was deeply humbled; though I was
conscious of forgiving mercy, and that if I did believe I should not
be lost. Yet my cry was, Lord spare me, and give me grace to
serve Thee and my generation better and love Thee more, and that
which was wrong in my past life may be right in the future, and
by Thine assistance, I will do all I can to save my fellow crea-
tures, for I saw that the blood of souls would be on my spirit, and

NARRATIVE.
29
huild up Thy kingdom in the earth; and He who heareth prayer
granted my petition, raised me up, and restored me to health.-
About this time James Gilmore paid us a visit, and in the course
of conversation said, to me, Sister H. you never ought to have got
married; you ought to have gone and called sinners to repentance.
I replied, I once thought so myself; but had I attempted it the
Methodist preachers would have opposed me. No, said he, they
would have given you all the liberty you asked. This remark
tended but to remind me afresh of past delinquencies springing
from the deep rooted pride of my nature; and I exclaimed_truly
doth the Bible say “the human heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately wicked. Had I been willing and obedient, God
would have cleared the
but was unwilling, and
therefore glad to find an excuse. Here temptations arose; the
cunning adversary said, you have been led and deceived by the
devil, till all chance of usefulness to you is lost, you have been so
unfaithful, that God cannot consistently favor you now; you
have put it out of your own power to do good; in short, the wind
of temptation blew high, and waves of sorrow rolled over me.-
But I still ventured to look up; I said, Lord, thou knowest I am
sorry for my past unfaithfulness; I confess it all before Thee, and
I am weary and heavy laden with a sense of it; and thou sayest,
"come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden and I will
give you rest.” Thy word declares if we confess our sins, Thou
art faithful to forgive them, and to cleanse us from all unrighteous-
ness. I feel Thou hast forgiven my sins, but when shall I cease to
sin? not till thou hast cleansed me from all unrighteousness.-
It is impossible, Thine own mouth hath said that a "corrupt tree
cannot bring forth good fruit," or a bitter and corrupt fountain
send forth sweet and pure water. I believe there is virtue in Thy
blood sufficient to cleanse me; a fountain wherein thy word bids
me wash and be clean; but how to do it I know not; it is all &
mystery. Thou biddest me to be perfect. And again and again
Thy word repeats the sentence, “be ye holy, for I the Lord, your
God, am holy.” But how shall I know when I have obeyed this
command? Thou hast promised to sprinkle clean water upon me
and make me clean; to take away the heart of stone, and give
me a heart of flesh, and shall I know when thou hast done it.-
way
before
me;

30
NARRATIVE.
Satan tells me this is too great a blesssing for me to expect, and
if I plunge in the fountain and make me clean, if Thou fulfill Thy
promise, and give me a clean heart, a heart of flesh; that I shall
not dare to believe it, and that it would tend to puff me up with
pride if I did. I felt at times, a clear sense of pardon, attended
with a measure of peace and joy in the Lord. But I could not
be satisfied with this alone. There was a longing and thirsting.
to know more of God. All the time I could spare—from the
care of my family-was eagerly snatched for prayer, and suppli-
cation. In this state of mind I attended a camp-meeting in Hope-
well township, N. Y. Here I hoped to meet with some holy per-
sons, or to hear some preacher preach who had come to the foun-
tain, and who would instruct me in the way to come. I eagerly
listened, and watched for something that suited my case; but the
preachers dwelt mostly on the first principles; no searching probe
sought the deep corruption of my heart. No healing balm was
poured into the aching wound within. Meanwhile I observed
costly apparel and finery, with an air of carelessness and indevo-
tion in many, who in time past were humble, and living christians.
It told too plainly of backsliding. My heart ached, and I could
only weep and repeat the words of Jeremiah, the prophet: “Woo
is me, for I am a person of unclean lips, and I dwell among a peo-
ple of unclean lips.” “O that my head were waters and mine eyes
a fountain of tears that I might weep day and night, for the slain
of the daughters of my people.” Thus passed Friday. On Satur-
day, in the forenoon, the preacher took a text which I do not re-
member; only I know it led him to speak on the doctrine of
Holiness. What he said was good and true. He told us of great
and glorious things in reserve for the faithful, even in this life,
beyond what I had experienced. But I could not be satisfied that
he had explored the goodly land of holiness, or christian purity,
as Caleb and Joshua of old had done, and therefore could not
enter into the minutiæ of christian experience in this department,
or give a description of the land marks and point out the dangers
and snares to be shunned, and tell us the way marks. As all
such means which I had used had failed to bring the blessing to
me, so now I despaired of finding help from man. I believed it
was in Christ for me and sometimes seemed about to grasp it,

NARRATIVE.
when one doubtful thought would place it again at a distance.
I went into a prayer circle, feeling distressed in mind. I went in
search of my beloved, but I could not find him there; and the
watchmen had only directed me onward, I must go beyond them.
I thought if I were in the woods alone, I could find Him; so I
went out on the women's side of the ground and sought Him,
now on my knees, now on my face, for a while, but could not find
Him. I said it makes no difference where, or in what posture I
am, or what I do, it is all in vain, but I seek God, and cannot and
will not rest until I find Him. So I came back to the prayer-
meeting, kneeled again and said, Lord, thou hast promised they
that seek shall find. I will hold on to thy promise ; I cannot, I
will not let Thee go, till Thou come and bless me.
"Yield to me now, for I am weak;
But confident in self-despair;
Speak to my heart, in mercy speak;
Be conquered by my instant prayer."
I now seemed like a poor beggar, pleading with the Lord so earn-
estly that I heard not the sound of prayer and singing that was
going on around me, and only realized that God and myself were
there. I thought of my Saviour on the Cross ; of the streaming
blood; the dying groan; the exclamation_:"it is finished.” Just
then the words of Mr. Fletcher, as recorded by Mrs. Hester Ann
Rogers, came to my mind : “ As when you reckon with your
creditor, and as when you have paid all, you reckon yourself free,
so now reckon with God; Jesus hath paid all, and you are free."
At that moment my believing soul, and my Redeemer met; my
faith took hold upon Him as my Sanctification, my all in all; mine
in possession_mine forever. In Him I felt was all I wanted-my
soul was satisfied. My heart melted with love; tears of grati-
tude flowed abundantly, and now I heard the noise of prayer and
singing, and the sound was inexpressibly sweet. I arose to my
fcet; then the thought came: have you found the blessing you
sought? The answer was, 0, yes, yes; and it is all in Jesus; Ho
is all I want, and He is mine. The next thought was, dare you
to believe so great a blessing yours? The answer flowed spon-
taneously from my heart: 0, yes, I cannot help believing it.
Then did I see plainly, that its greatness consisted in its humility,
and entire dependence on Christ; that so far from pride, and
trusting in our own righteousness, we were emptied of self, and
cast our own righteousness all away, as filthy rags.

32
NARRATIVE.
ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY 60TH BIRTHDAY, JULY 15TH 1852.
My soul looks back on years long past, there finds abundant room
For gratitude to God, whose love has brought so dear a home;
The blessings I've enjoyed have flowed from Thee, my gracious God;
And deeply I regret that ere the paths of sin I trod,
Paternal care, maternal love, supplied my early wants,
And taught me in my God to trust, who still this blessing grants.
Thy spirit their instructions wrought most deeply on my heart;
My conscience soared when ere from them I ventured to depart.
When young, with powerful cords of love my tender soul was
drawn,
The light of a most blessed morn began on me to dawn.
But still I thought I was too young to seek a Saviour's grace";
But still He called, and I obeyed, and saw his smiling face.
I read my title clear to heaven, and plainly heard Him say:
Daughter, thy sins are all forgiven, thou art in Christ, the Way;
Though weak, ignorant and young, He said, fear not vain man,
Thou must confess me with thy tongue. This is the Gospel plan.
Sometimes I did my Lord confess, sometimes I Him denied
And would not bear the Cross for Him who on it for me died.
When I obeyed, I found sweet peace and joy unspeakable ;-
When disobedient, guilt, shame, and fear of death and hell.
Then Satan came with cunning wiles to turn me from the truth,
Saying, you cannot long hold out for you are but a youth,
And see how many older saints, more strong and gifted, fall;
Great trials yet before you lie, you can't withstand them all.
I cried, I must or I am lost beyond the reach of hope,
My soul is worth ten thousand worlds, I will not give it up.
At length I saw such ups and downs, there was no need to have--
My God poured light upon my eyes, anointing them with salve.
'I saw thattrusting in His grace-He would enable me
Always to do what he required and from all sin to flee.
Feeling my weakness, well I knew I could do nought alone.
In earnest prayer to him I flew ; 0, then he helped me on.
Through toil, care, griefs and woes, He gently cleared my way;
And by His power through faith I hope to land in endless day.
Beneath the weight of three score years, though I am now pressed
be down,
I have no unbelieving fears...-" There waits for me a crown."

NARRATIVE.
33
CHAPTER VIII.
REVIEW OF THE SALVATION EXPERIENCED-STRIVINGS OF THE
SPIRIT FOR ITS DISCLOSURE-OBJECTIONS ARISING AGAINST IT-
DISOBEDIENCE AND ITS EFFECT--THE POINT OF
CONTROVERSY
YIELDED AND THE PRECIOUS PEARL RESTORED.
Some may be ready now to inquire: Do you believe that at the
time you speak of you were sanctified. Answer: I do believe the
graće I then received was sanctifying grace. In other words, a
step towards entire renovation, or a new degree of faith, propor-
tioned to my capacity, or a degree suited to my then present
light, which exposed to my view my present wants--a degree
which enabled me to comprehend Christ as a full and sufficient
present Saviour from all sin and my surety with God, for all I
wanted for soul and body, inasmuch as in giving His Son, He has
given assurance that He will give us all things; and godliness
« hath the promise of this life as well as that which is to come.”
And in proportion to the degree of faith was the new degree of
love. My heart, which had hated all that was wrong in itself,
by faith was emptied of it all, and filled to its then utmost capa-
city with pure and disinterested love to God and impartial love
to all mankind. When I say disinterested I mean such as pre-
cludes wicked or carnal interests. Do any ask: how did you get
that faith ?_was it wholly by your own act, or did God infuse it
into your heart independent of your action? I answer: neither
the one nor the other, but both in connection; and I know not that
I can explain it better than by saying, that in the first place I
admitted the truth that the blood of Christ could
cleanse me.
This was my own act and my duty, and feeling my pressing ne-
cessity, I found this alone did not meet its God's word said, “ His
spirit should lead us into all truth ;" hence I pressed my suit for
the aid of the Holy Spirit. It came ;-it placed before me in
vivid colors the object of faith, my great Deliverer and His suffer-
ings, as evidence of His love and faithfulness, and strengthened
me to believe and embrace Him for what he is to His people, a
Saviour from all sin ; and as in justification He bore witness of
the relation I bore to Christ as a poor filthy sinner, washed and
cleansed by His blood ; a poor beggar, enriched by the gift of
Himself in His fullness.
3

34
NARRATIVE.
Thus, as it were, in an infantile stage of the sanctifying grace
of God, all my present wants were supplied, and my soul filled
to overflowing, so that I longed to tell some one my feelings. I
sought a devoted sister, and partly committed myself to her after
returning home. I enjoyed great peace and serenity, and a bright
witness that I really did love God with all my heart and my
neighbor as myself; and I had a secret conviction that I ought to
make it known, that others might be incited and encouraged to
seek after the same grace. But here various considerations urged
themselves upon me. In the first place—although the Method-
ists admit the truth of this doctrine—there are none among them
within the bounds of my acquaintance, who are witnesses of it
in present enjoyment; and there are individuals who laugh at the
idea of perfection. These will not believe me. Besides, every
eye will be fixed upon me if I make such a profession, and if I
am detected in a fault, it will bring a great wound upon the doc-
trine of Holiness, and disgrace on myself. It will cause much
talk, at the least, and would it not be wiser to enjoy the grace
and silently show forth its fruits, than to excite their curiosity
by bringing certain strange things to their ears. I studied much
on this subject; now thinking it best to declare fearlessly what
was in my heart, and leave the event with God, and again shrink-
ing from the very thought; nor could I decide which course to,
take. At length an opportunity offered in a prayer-meeting, and
as the poet expresses it:
“I felt my Savior in my heart,
Toonki
And groaned to tell my story."
I arose and spoke a few words, but was so circumscribed by fear
of committing myself on the above subject, that I did not speak
to my own satisfaction ; and thought of Ananias and Sapphira,who
kept back a part. At the next opportunity, my fears and embar-
rassments were still greater, and so on till my enjoyment gradu-
ally declined and I sought for the inward testimony before enjoy-
ed, in vain. Thus I continued one year, during which time I
sometimes rejoiced, in a measure in God; but immediately felt
too plainly my lack of former faith and love, and that I had lost
a pearl more precious than the most fine gold. I tried to pray
for its restoration ; but too strong was my conviction of where-
fore I had lost it, to pray with faith. In short, I saw plainly

NARRATIVE.
35
wherein I had grieved the Spirit ; i. e., by not following its gen-
tle leadings, fearless of consequences. I had again chosen my
own way, in which doubtless many would think me wise; but
“the foolishness of God is wiser than men,” and the wisdom of men
and that which is highly esteemed by them is “foolishness with
God.” While I hungered again for the bread and thirsted for the
water of life, and mourned as a dove for his mate, I saw that my
Maker had a controversy with me and there was a test point to
be yielded on my part. That was, that I should confess to the
brethren and sisters what I had experienced, and that I was a
backslider from God, and how it had come about. I felt that to
do this would be a greater cross and self-denial than to have
borne a witness at first. But while in a class-meeting, I felt that
my salvation was suspended on this point; I therefore yielded
and arose, and so spoke as to clear my mind and disburden my
soul. My heart felt much lighter; peace, comfort and reviving
hope sprang up. I now had additional evidence of the woe to
him that striveth with (or against) his Maker; and that the way
of God, or the ways of true wisdom, are ways of pleasantness.
I now prayed with great confidence that my backslidings would
be healed, nor was I disappointed. About three weeks after, I
attended another camp-meeting on the old ground, and in a pray-
er circle I again endeavored to take God at His word by faith,
in that precious promise, “ I will circumcise thine heart, and thou
shalt love the Lord with all thine heart.” I plead the merits of
Christ alone, and again he appeared to my full salvation and sat-
isfaction. My soul was dissolved in love and thankfulness; after
this my witness was clear, and I endeavored to let my light shine,
nor dared to hide His grace within my heart. I bore testimony
to His goodness, power and willingness to save to the uttermost
all His people who come to Him by Jesus Christ ; and love in-
creased and burned like a flame in my heart.
To
do katere bootebrala ooola de Ibagold
- do y conducted to
Tobogol molto bene rolkonstration video baon nii
Fotokols boho to be live
os termos de barbonion sepatu

36
NARRATIVE.
CHAPTER IX.
REASONINGS AND REMARKS AMONG THE PEOPLE CONCERNING ME
AND MY PROFESSION-HAPPY STATE OF MIND FOR THREE YEARS
LETTER ADDRESSED TO THE LEADERS OF OUR CLASS-REMOVAL
INTO THE CENTER OF THE CLASS EFFORTS FOR REVIVAL-
THROUGH TEMPTATION SOME DOUBTS AND FEARS-LIGHT OBSCUR-
EDENJOYMENT LESSENED.
The people had great reasoning among themselves concerning
me and the profession I had made among them. Some were
skeptical about the doctrine of holiness; others admitted its truth
and said, if they lived near me that they could satisfy themselves
as to the truth of what I professed, by my daily walk. I was
truly in a happy state of mind. The Sabbath was a delight-
praise and prayer were my most sweet employ. I thought I felt
an alliance with the inhabitants of heaven, delighting to do the
will of God on earth as they did in heaven. My heart o’erflowed
with love to God's people. I longed to have them come and taste
the full salvation I found in Christ. I labored to explain to them
how to believe and enter in; it seemed so easy and looked so plain
to me.
I wondered that I could not make them see and under-
stand, and make it a present concern to enter this blessed land,
which I found flowing with milk and honey. I felt melting pity
for sinners, and exhorted and entreated them to turn to God,
from the fullness of my heart. I expected thus to spend the rem-
nant of my days—that I should always keep the same firm hold
on Christ and the promises. True, I was sometimes tempted, but
I looked to Christ and the tempter fled. I had some light afflic-
tions but they passed and left me to my joys. A subsequent
experience, however, demonstrated, that though I had found there
was present rest and fullness in this life in Christ, by faith, to me
it was given not only to believe, but to suffer for His sake. Know-
ing the low state of religion in the class of Methodists to which
I belonged, I wrote a letter to the leader and assistant leader of
the class, endeavoring to set before them my views of their spir-
itual condition, with the influence they had either for good or
evil, and their awful responsibility to God as leaders of His flock.
My letter was couched in most respectful language; and on the

NARRATIVE.
37
Sabbath after receiving it, in his usual exhortation, the leader
mentioned having received such a letter; spoke in high terms of
it and quoted the following passage of Scripture: “Let the righ-
teous smite me, it shall be a kindness ; let him reprove me, it
sball be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head." He
did not name the author. From the way he spoke, I hoped my
letter might do some good ; but vain was my hope, for (as I af-
terwards found,) it only served to flatter their vanity and increase
their already too great sense of self-importance. Hearing of no
efforts on their part to promote a revival for several weeks, I took
an opportunity to converse with our leader on the subject, and
thinking the neglect of social prayer, and the consequent loss of
interest in such means to be the cause of declination, tried to
persuade him to institute such means and get the brethren in the
spirit of prayer and praise, being sure that this would be the be-
ginning of a revival. But he assured me it would be of no use
to try, for within a few years he had made several fruitless attempts.
I have since thought the same thing, for instead of the above be-
ing the cause, it was only the effect of greater causes that lay be-
hind, yet undiscovered.com oud to aloe verigos Louis
My husband—being yet embarrassed in his worldly circum-
stances and much discouraged-sold his twenty-five acres of land
to his brother-in-law, he having obtained a promise from his fa-
ther to give him a deed, took some property and two notes in
payment. The next day he became very sick of his bargain-
the only instance of the ļike in his life—and wished it to be recant-
ed. His brother-in-law refused, unless I should say that I thought
he had swindled him. This I could not say in tender conscience,
believing he received an ample equivalent. At this my dear hus-
band was very angry and threw the notes into the fire, declaring
I was the means of robbing him of all he possessed. On the
morning after, I reasoned with him with tears, and prevailed up-
on him to go with me to see his brother-in-law, who persisting in
his refusal, re-wrote the notes for him. But his manner toward
me was so changed, and he appeared so thoughtful and dejected,
that I feared he was tempted to commit suicide, the very thought
of which pierced my heart like a sword; and most earnestly did
I entreat the Lord by His providence to prevent it. Several

38
NARRATIVE.
years afterwards I learned that my fears were not groundless.
Soon after this, he took the farm of Mr. Jonathan Mack to work
on shares, having taken a good span of horses, wagon and harness
in payment for his land. This was early in the spring. The up-
right part of the house in which we lived was occupied by another
family until the next fall. This compelled us to live in a little
shanty built on to the end of the house, the roof and floor being
very poor; but I felt willing to endure almost any inconvenience
since my husband appeared cheerful and satisfied; and that year's
work proved more for his interest pecuniarily than any previous
year's labor since our marriage.
3. We were now in the centre of the No. 9 class as it was called,
and within half a mile of the Methodist chapel ; whereas we had
always lived three miles distant. Our class-leader also lived in
sight of our house. This I considered a favor, as I wished to re-
new my efforts to get up a revival of religion. Again I solicited
the leaders to appoint prayer-meetings, which they did. But
after they complied with my wishes, I became more dissatisfied
than before ; for after the leader had opened the meeting with
much weeping, perhaps one or two more cold and formal prayers
followed, after which there was no spirit of prayer among us ;
of speaking or singing, or doing anything else. I had ever been
active in this kind of meetings and felt willing to do my duty,
whatever it was; but I felt as if fettered hand and foot, while
an unaccountable weight of distress weighed down my spirit.
The non-professors—of whom there was usually a room full-
would sit and look at each other as if they would say, what ails
these poor Christians? While the meeting lasted, my aching heart
sunk but could not break,nor my eyes weep; but when the people
were dispersed, I broke down and a flood of tears relieved my
distress. It was in one of these paroxysms of bitter weeping
that I cried in my heart: 0 ! Lord, I cannot live so; what shall I
do ? and a voice seemed to speak within, saying: you must with-
draw from this people.
About this time my light and the clearness of my witness of
perfect love was somewhat obscured by means of temptation to
doubt, on account of a natural fear which I felt in any physical
danger, not understanding the kind of fear which St. John meant

NARRATIVIS.
39
when he said, “ He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear, because
fear hath torment.” I knew not how to distinguish between
natural fear—which God has placed as a necessary ingredient in
all animate nature, and without which they would as soon run
into danger as from it—and that tormenting fear which arises
from guilt and unbelief. Therefore the enemy came up and dis-
puted my evidence, saying, you have fear, therefore you are not
made perfect in love. After all, you are deceived; and if so, your
case is a desperate one, for you have done all you can do to find
the truth in regard to this subject. I could not find a satisfactory
solution to this problem, and all I could do was to appeal to the
Searcher of Hearts; that He knew that if I did not yet love Him
with all my heart and soul, might, mind and strength, and my
neighbor as myself, I desired above all things to do so. But the
Lord had been preparing me for trials of which I had no concep-
tion, and to fight sore battles, wherein I obtained some signal
victories; and sometimes my cunning adversary, taking advantage
of my ignorance and wrong notions, foiled me in my attempts at
usefulness; and walking, like Mr. Bunyan's Christian, through
the valley of the shadow of death—the narrow path shrouded
with the darkness of mystery, he has thrown me prostrate, and
my sword flew out of my hand, so that for a season I had but
one sword to fight with, and that was All-Prayer. But out of the
contest (however much he bruised me,) I usually emerged with
this advantage at least, that I had learned his devices in that
quarter, and if he took the advantage of me again, it must be on
new ground.
CHAPTER X.
God's PEOPLE A TRIED PEOPLE-MY IGNORANCE OF THE MEANING
OF THOSE TWO WORDS : RELIGIOUS BIGOTRY-FIRST, DISCOVERY
OF IT IN MYSELF; SECOND, IN OTHERS; TREATMENT OF MYSELF,
TO MY GRIEF AND DISAPPOINTMENT.
The God of infinite and unsearchable wisdom declares that He

40
NARRATIVE.
chooses His people in a furnace of affliction. Even the immaculate
Son of God, as our example, learned obedience by the things He
suffered. He became obedient in suffering to death, even the
death of the Cross. His sufferings and death were meritorious,
in order to atone for our sins, that we might have the immortal
honor and exalted privilege of being like him-obedient to suf-
fering and martyrdom, (if called thereto,) and then reigning with
him in exceeding joy on the throne of His glory. He leads them
in a way which they know not; He gives them a thorn in the
flesh, because on their part there exists a necessity for it, and as-
sures them that His grace is sufficient to support them under it.
Through great tribulation they must enter the kingdom, and close
by the gates of death and hell must make their way to heaven,
not through sin, but in danger of it; not through the spirit and
nature of hell, but by their narrow escape from it. “If the
righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sin-
per appear ?" He says, he does not willingly afflict nor griove
the children of men. While ignorant of the Holy Scriptures, we
are destitute of the strongest source of comfort and consolation,
and the most efficient weapons wherewith to meet our spiritual
foes; for the Word of God is called “the sword of the Spirit;">
therefore, affliction should drive us to search diligently that Holy
Book, and to ask and receive the spirit in which it was written;
to open and apply its truths to our understanding as we have
need.
As yet I had hardly begun to share, and was but poorly pre-
pared for great sufferings and sacrifices in the cause of Christ,
having suffered but little persecution or met much opposition in
the path of duty, when willing to walk therein, and rarely with
any reproof; on the contrary, was treated with more deference
and respect than is usual for one in my humble position ; nor did
I dream that I thought too highly of my good name. Once I be-
lieve I was heard to say that I would rather part with my right
arm than lose my good name ; forgetting that it is one thing to
deserve a good name and another, in this wicked world, to get it ;
in other words, that the good name which Solomon says “is bet-
ter than precious ointment,” is a good character in the sight of
God. But its possessor may, and often has at the same time, said

NARRATIVE.
41
all manner of evil of him falsely, for Christ's sake. Mr. Wesley,
in the midst of his greatest usefulness, said that “by common report
among men, his character was no better than that of a horse-thief.??
I began that summer to enter on first lessons of suffering with
and sacrifice for my Saviour. Up to this time I had read but little
except my Bible, for good books and papers used not to be rained
down upon us as manna was upon Israel, as at this day. I had
the journal of Mrs. Hester Ann Rogers; this I read over and
over, till I could at any time repeat whole pages of it; besides I
had read Mr. Baxter's Rules of Holy Living and Dying ; but
nothing in these was said about religious or sectarian bigotry, and
I scarcely knew there were such words in the English language.
It was reserved to me to learn their name and meaning first by
bitter experience. In the first instance, the Christian denomina-
tion, so called, came and held meetings next door to us--only a
few rods distant. I felt a lothness to attend, but as it was so
near, I was ashamed to stay away. My mind was nearly made up
about them, having heard so many evil reports and heard our
preachers preach against them, and debar them from the holy
sacrament, pronouncing them Deists, &c. My heart was touched
when I saw some of the outcasts weeping outside of the meeting-
house, knowing them to be exemplary Christians, as I passed
out; but I only thought they were well-meaning but deluded
people. But to return. When I heard them they said nothing
but what I could subscribe to as the truth ; but when they showed
warmth of purpose and zeal, I was offended; for I thought if their
doctrines were so bad they must be acting the hypocrite; and as
some of them began to make a noise as through wine, praising
God, the happier they appeared to feel, the more unhappy I felt,
till I was fain to get out and pass away. On my way home I
asked myself, why, if that people were bad, it need make me feel
so miserable ? and suspecting something wrong in myself—know-
ing my feelings were very different from that unutterable pity
and tender compassion begotten by the Spirit of God in the
minds or hearts of Christians, towards sinners and them that are
out of the way—I cried, 0, Lord, if thou dost own and love this
people, help me to own and love them too. Then came to my
mind that well-known passage of Scripture : “God is no respecter

42
NARRATIVE.
of persons, but in every nation (and so, said I, in cvery denomi-
nation,) he that feareth Him and worketh righteousness is ac-
cepted of Him;" and so said I, they ought to be accepted with
us, and henceforth be this my only test of fellowship. Thus the
above circumstance brought to me both the knowledge of the dis-
ease of bigotry and its cure. Soon after this, one morning a little
after breakfast, a wagon and horses, with four persons--all being
my neighbors—drove up to our gate. There were three men and
one woman, who was sister Candace Case, (widow) much respect-
ed and beloved by all. The three men were not members of our
church-one or two of them had been expelled. They had all
had their hearts stirred and warmed under the labors of Calvin
Gilmore, and had started to go to his quarterly meeting, and had
come to have me go with them, as sister Case did not wish to go
without a female companion ; nor would she have dared to com-
mit such an innovation as to attend that meeting, had she not had
the excuse of visiting her daughter, who lived near where it was
held. I told them that my going was out of the question, as I
had four little ones to leave; but the sister who lived under the
same roof offered to take care of them. I then had another ex-
cuse; my husband was absent, and he would not approve of it.
But all as one agreed they would stand between me and all
blame, and as they utterly refused to take No for an answer, and
they were in haste, if possible to reach there before the afternoon
meeting, I began to dress myself to go, when sister Mack came
with a message from her husband, adjuring me, if I was a friend
to the Methodist Episcopal Church, not to go to that meeting.
Surprised and somewhat frightened, I tried again to plead off, but
in vain. So we started on our way; but considering it all over,
and fearing for the issue, I strewed my tears for many a mile.
The meeting was held in a barn on the east shore of Canandai.
gua Lake. We arrived in time for the afternoon service, and
Calvin Gilmore stood forth meekly to preach; and it seemed,
indeed that his lips were touched with hallowed fire. I had not
for a long time been so refreshed under preaching. After meet-
ing, I retired to a neighboring wood to commune with God and
myself, and pray for grace to stand fast, whatever trials might
await me. On Sabbath at 9 o'clock we assembled for an open

NARRATIVE.
43
love-feast. The brethren and sisters began singing, which was
done so much in the spirit, and followed by loud breathing and
such expressions of fervor, that I said to myself, if the doors were
shut I should expect a good time; hut how can we, with open
doors and every one coming in at their pleasure ? But as the
meeting proceeded, I forgot the doors, and fed on holy manna,
along with the humble Christians present; and we had truly a
refreshing season from the presence of the Lord. When they
came to administering the sacrament, an invitation was given to
all Christians to eat and drink with them in memory of our
dying Lord. I, of course, longed to go forward, but as none of the
Episcopal Methodist brethren or sisters went forward, 1, of course
hesitated till the opportunity had nearly passed, when I thought,
it surely is my duty to commune with this people; but if it be
counted an act of treason to attend the meetings, surely it will be
counted an unpardonable offence if I commune with them. But
again I thought, I must ansewrfor myself individually, before God,
and I must act independently. So forward I went, and several
of the Episcopal brethren and sisters also came and kneeled with
On the whole, the meeting was a good one, and served to
convince me that God's true people were all one in Christ Jesus,
and the only good reason for prefering, or loving, one individual
or company of individuals, more than another, is their possessing
more of the Love, Spirit and Image of our common Heavenly Mas-
ter. I arrived at home on Sabbath night about ten o'clock; the
family were in bed, and as I was about undressing, my dear hus-
band said "you need not come here; as you have chosen the com-
pany of hypocrites and backsliders, you may go with them; and
since you like the deformed Methodist preachers so much more
than
me, I will take the first opportunity to send you
over the Lake, and you may go off with them.” Although I did
not think him more than half in earnest, his words were cutting.
I assured him I loved him too well ever to leave him, unless
I was compelled to do so. In the morning he appeared not in the
most pleasant mood, thinking me recreant to my duty, both to
my church and to my family. And I found that the sister with
whom I left the children, had complained to him of the trouble
they were to her; and my conduct had been represented by her
me.
you do

44
NARRATIVE.
and the neighbors, in no conciliating light. In addition to this,
on Sunday, a little before night, there had been an overwhelming
shower of rain and hail, which did much damage to wheat and
rye, and tore the corn leaves and garden vegetables to shivers, so
that nature presented a gloomy spectacle without, and literally,
it was no less so within, for the rain had found its way through
the rickety roof, and everything but our beds was thoroughly
wet. After breakfast, brother and sister Mack came to expostu-
late with me, and dissuade me from running after things new and
strange, they being sure that the P. M. Church was no Church,
having but few preachers or members, scattered over the country,
and made up of expelled members from other churches, mostly
from the M. E. Church, and was disgustingly apeing her. I was
not prepared to contradict these charges, but merely assured
them I could not believe it of those I had seen, and that I be-
lieved God was truly with us at the quarterly meeting, and I
felt it was good to be there; and I could not see how it could
dishonor or injure the M. E. Church for me to have attended it.
CHAPTER XI.
M. E. CHURCH ONCE A PERSECUTED PEOPLE — THE CHANGE OF HER
CIRCUMSTANCES HEREIN PERSECUTION UNEXPECTED FROM
THEM — VIEWS OF WILLIAM BRAMWELL CONCERNING THEM IN
HIS DAY - CHARACTER OF OUR LEADER -HIS VIEWS OF THE HON-
OR THAT COMETH EROM MEN MY WITHDRAWAL FROM THE M. E.
CHURCH, AND RETURN TO HER — MY VOLUNTEERING UNDER THE
WING OF THE REFORMED METHODIST CHURCH.
The Lord said to King Saul, “When thou wast little in thine
own sight, I chose thee to be Captain over my people, Israel”—
and it appears that while he was thus humble in the sight of his
Maker, and his own sight, the wicked hated and persecuted him ;
for we are told in Scripture, that there were “Sons of Belial who
despised him, and sent him no presents, but he held his peace.”
And so far as carnality or unrenewed human nature prevails, in-
stead of the grace of God, it is the same thing in sects or bod.
ies of men, as in individuals. Thus when the Methodists, both

NARRATIVE.
45
in England and America, were comparatively small in numbers,
wealth and power, they were little in their own sight, and because
they were poor and made but a little figure, among the great and
high things the world admires, the wicked despised and persecu-
ted them.
We well remember, when the press in America often contained
scurrilous reports concerning them, without any favorable notice
of them, and when the printers of Canandaigua came to camp-
meeting to collect all the scurrilities, or disgraceful things, and
such as would gratify the risible propensity of the people, and
published them in a pamphlet, which shows what public opinion
was concerning them at that time, but their success being almost
unexampled, their increase of members in numbers, which was duly
published in their minutes yearly, and some of the wise, the no-
ble, the rich, and the learned, joining them, the tone of the press
began to change, and now and then, honorable mention was made
of the increase of the Methodist Episcopal Church. They got up
a book concern, yea, they, who once thundered in the pulpit
against a man-made and man-paid ministry, got up their Colleges
and Seminaries of learning, that theirs might be as learned as the
rest, and required a certain course of theological reading, of each
traveling preacher; they became able to build superb houses of
worship; and now in regard to them, the world had fallen from
scorn and abhorence, first to pity, then to admiration, then to
prejudice in their favor ;—from nothing, they had grown to be
something. Indeed, says the world, they are a numerous and
wealthy people, they are helping us to populate our cities and
villages, and furnishing their Chapels with respectable appurte-
nances, and a learned and able ministry, and is it strange, consid-
ering what the world is, that it ceased to hate, and began to love
them. But no matter, if it ere not that there is a hard saying
about it in the Bible, which reads something like this: “The world
will love its own, and them only.” And if it were not likewise,
that in proportion as they rose in outward prosperity, they rose
in a sense of self importance or denominational pride. But I had
up to the period last mentioned, been as blind to all this as the
rest, and could not see the reason why the preaching was not so
powerful, and the people so warm-hearted as once they were, nor

46
NARRATIVE.
why our meetings were not so refreshing as when we used to
meet in the lowly log cabin in the woods. It seemed right, that
when we were able, we should have better meeting houses, dwell-
ing houses, clothes, victuals &c., and so it was, to a certain extent,
but in that searching book, it says: "Let your moderation be
known to all men.” Now we cannot see how our moderation can
be known or seen by all men, unless we study our real wants, and
restrict our expenses, both in regard to public and private accom-
modations within our real necessities, and letting even these give
way to our neighbor's extremities; but this would make us sin-
gular, and require great self-denial. Well, this is just what the
Church wants--this would make us beloved of God and Angels,
but if we want the world to love us, we must do as the world
does, and love the things the world loves.
But to return to our history. Br. I. V., (for these are the ini-
tials of our class leaders' name;) and Brother F. V., the assistant
leader, were duly impressed with the honorable position we had
come to occupy among the churches. The impression was also
plainly to be read in remarks of the presiding Elders and circuit
Preachers. In the deference shown, and importance attached to
our discipline, our rules, Church order, Ministry &c., we remem-
ber to have read in the memoirs of William Bramwell, a sort of
lamentation, saying that the glory of the Methodist Church in
England, had been her doctrines and practice of holiness; but
that she had already began to pass from the inner, to the outer
glory. And we would ask you, brother or sister Methodist, espe-
cially those who have been long acquainted, if it has not been the
case with that Church in America. Yet there are many Saints in
that Church, who do not yet see these things, both preachers and
people. May the Lord pour light upon them all, and may they
soon exhibit a glorious reform, and more than primitive holiness
prevail among them. But if she does not reform as a body, we
cannot advise humble souls to stay in her till she becomes more
cruel than the Ostrich in the wilderness, or the Sea Monsters
which draw out the breast. We do not think the Sect called
Methodist is alone in all we have been describing, but her case is
the case of all religious Sects which have risen one after another
according to the degree of outward prosperity enjoyed for any

NARRATIVE.
47
length of time. I frequently heard our leaders speak of the
marked deference and respect shown them by the Judges, Jus-
tices and Lawyers of Canandaigua, and was led to ponder on the
difference of treatment by the world from what it once was. I
read in the Bible “They that will live godly in Christ Jesus, shall
suffer persecution," and feeling such a dearth of the water of life
in our meetings, I was led to tell my mind sometimes very plainly,
even saying-according to Mr. Wesley's definition of Methodists
we are not Methodists, but if we even were, we are backsliders;
I am certain we are not the humble, Godly people we once were,
and I often prayed that God would bring me nearer to himself,
though the world should persecute and hate me. But I had no
idea of persecution coming from Methodists, who had as a people
suffered so much persecution. But I might talk ever so plainly
and pointedly, and they bore all patiently, yea, and praised me at
the same time, so that it reminded me of what God said to the
Prophet: “Thou art unto them as a pleasant song, and as one
that can play well on an instrument, they hear thy words, but
they will not do them.” Their praise did not satisfy me, it was
not what my soul longed for, and the more I attended meetings,
the more dissatisfied I grew. In our class-meetings and preach-
ing, it seemed Sabbath after Sabbath, a stereotyped and almost
empty routine of preaching, exhortation, and meeting the class.
On one of those Sabbathis I heard a sermon in our meeting house,
and after going home, took down from a shelf a volume of George
Burder's sermons, found the same text, and read the same sermon
over word for word. If that man had not the one thing needful,
he had a retentive memory. I could hardly displease them so
long as I was true to the Sectarian interests of my Church. But
when in our class-meetings I heard the same persons tell the
same story from time to time, which was in substance about as
follows: "I do not enjoy what I once did, I know I do not live as
faithful as I ought, but come short in many things; have many
doubts and fears, hardly dare to think I am a Christian," and close
with saying, “but I do not intend ever to give up the good cause,
I hope to meet you all in Heaven.” And the preacher's and lead-
er's answer was as uniformly about the same eloquent harrangue
of, go on my brother, or my sister, the Lord bless you, try and
be more faithful and exercise more faith in your redeemer, and

48
NARRATIVE.
close by quoting some consoling promises. My spirit was stirred
in me, and my thoughts were almost rebellious; I thought, why
do not these men discern the true state of these brethren and sis-
ters, and administer something stirring and awakening. What,
tell them to go on in their short-coming and unfaithfulness? Why
not probe the festering wound to the bottom before pouring in
oil and wine. Surely they are blind leaders of the blind-heal-
ing the heart of the daughter of my people slightly-daubing the
wall with untempered mortar. And to day I am of the same
mind, I think it would be better to do as a circuit Minister did
in Ohio. In class-meeting, he spoke to a brother who was an ex-
horter and highly esteemed; he arose and said "he had of late
but little enjoyment, that he knew he was not as faithful as he
should be, he was often disobedient, &c.” “ Brother," said the
preacher you are right on the way to Hell, and you will land
there if you do not repent and get more religion.” This was sud-
den, and many of the brethren and sisters were sorely tried with
the preacher for talking so to that good brother, and the brother
himself was very angry with him until he got almost home, when
he thought the preacher was right and I am wrong. I said I was
unfaithful and disobedient to God and is not the way of disobe-
dience and unfaithfulness the way to Hell? It wrought such
conviction on his mind, that he could hardly eat or sleep, until he
was converted anew ; and the next time the preacher came, he
came to thank him for dealing so faithfully with him.
I think preachers and leaders in the vineyard of God, may, and
ought to have religion enough, and enough of the spirit of discern-
ment, to know the state of their people, especially when they tell
it with their own lips, and point out their sin and danger, of which
they are often too insensible, for it is a great sin to live in a luke-
warm state, or God would not threaten to spew such out of his
mouth. As I despaired of doing any good in the M. E. Church,
and felt it my duty to withdraw from it, one Sabbath, I, with an
aged sister, whose views and feelings were similar to my own,
requested a dismissal. At first it seemed to take them all aback,
they were struck dumb with astonishment. But at length, L. V.
our class-leader said, “well, I will hold up both hands to
have sister Ellen go out of society. I have thought she was back-

NARRATIVE.
49
sliding for some time. I perceived her love was growing cold to-
ward me.” This last expression somewhat surprised me, for I
had not been sensible of feeling, or showing any partiality toward
him, more than the rest, except, perhaps, a little superstitious rev-
erence on account of his office. He then quoted the passage of
Scripture recorded in John 2nd, 19th: “They went out from us, but
they were not of us, for if they had been of us, they would no
doubt have continued with us. But they went out from us that
they might be made manifest, they were not all of us." His son
I. V., then said, "for my part, I believe sister E. is getting proud,
she thinks she is more holy than the rest of us. She wants to
preach, or to make a figure in some way, and she is going to join
the Reformed Methodists in order to do so." Br. Roswell Root,
Esq., said he "was sorry to have virtue go out from them, and
thought they had better comply with sister Hickcox's wishes, and
try to get more religion.” Thus one said one thing, and another
another, and there was great confusion and excitement. But we
persisting in our wishes to withdraw, a vote was taken and they
gave us a dismissal, to be ratified by the preacher, there being
none present. This happened one week previous to the quarterly
meeting to be held in the same place. On my way home I called
on sister Mack, and never shall I forget the mingled expression of
sorrow and indignation in her countenance, for (the news of my
withdrawing had reached her before me) as she rolled up her large
blue eyes saying, sister E., “I am afraid you have been making
fruits for repentance. During the week, I received several mes--
sages from different individuals, expressing their utter astonish-
ment at my conduct, saying “you were the last person we looked
for to leave the Methodists; you who have so often declared your
intention to live and die with God's people.” And a preacher of
another sect sent me word that, if I could not enjoy religion in
the M. E. Church, I could not any where. But that naughty,
rebellious thought would steal into my head, “are the Methodist
Episcopals the only people of God?” It had not occurred to
my mind to consult my husband beforehand concerning this mat-
ter, and in this I found I had brought trouble on myself, for I found
him very tenacious of the submission of wives. He thought my
conduct rash and presumptuous, and that if I had consulted him
4

50
NARRATIVE.
he could have told me better, and said he would rather have lost his
best cow than that I should have thus disgraced myself. As the
sister who lived under the same roof was sick, I could not attend
the quarterly meeting on Saturday, but several of my acquain-
tances came in the afternoon to see me, and persuade me to re-
turn to the Church ; and as all were jealous that I leaned to the
Reformed Methodists, they revived the old story, that they were
made up of hypocrites and backsliders, (or what appeared in their
estimation to be the same thing) expelled members from other
churches. I inquired if they were acquainted with them or had
attended their meetings? They answered in the negative. Then
I asked, should we judge any man, or any people, before we hear
them and know what they do? The preachers, as I afterwards
learned, on Saturday consulted on my case, and agreed that a rig-
orous treatment would be most likely to reclaim me, and there-
fore concluded to shut me out of the love-feast if I came the next
day. On the next morning, as I had the care of the sick sister,
in addition to my own work, I could not go to the love-feast till
my husband had been sometime gone ; as soon as possible I start-
ted, and as I was walking at a quick pace across lots, having gain-
ed about half the distance, suddenly I felt a strong impression as
if a voice spake within me, saying, go back. I stopped and
thought, what does this mean? I know no reason why I should
go back. I wish to show the people that it is not out of ill-will
to them that I withdrew from them, therefore I will go.
ceeded a few steps, when the injunction was renewed
I again halted, but thought it can be nought but my own imagi-
nation, and started on, but found it hard work to proceed, feeling
as if some person were pushing at my breast. Thinking perhaps
the sister was worse, or something had happened to my children,
I turned and went back. I now found it easy walking ; a sweet
sensation crossed my breast, and I felt love to God and to all the
human race. I found all was well at home, and knew not for the
present wherefore I was thus sent back. At eleven o'clock I
went unmolested. The public services had not commenced. At
a corner of the meeting-house stood a company, among whom
was James Gilmore. As soon as he saw me he came and took my
hand, saying: “Sister, where have you gone? This is no way, to
I pro-
go back.

NARRATIVE.
51
run off and leave your brethren. Come back and stay, and help
them all you can. I have always expected you would honor the
church with a godly life and a triumphant death.” Then came
again that rebellious thought, and is it not possible to live godly
and die triumphantly but in the Methodist Episcopal church?
As I passed into the meeting-house, one and another gave me
their hands, saying: “Sister, come back, do come back to the
church.” In an opposite corner of the house sat sister Henrietta
Trembly, a sister both in the flesh and in the Lord, and while
the tears streamed down her face, I easily guessed the cause. The
presiding elder alluded to my case in his sermon, cautioning
against running after new things, &c.; but after all, he said many
things which served to encourage me in my way.
My husband, on arriving at the love-feast in the morning, and
being informed of their intention to shut the doors against me,
was much excited, and leaned on the fence and wept awhile, and
thought he would not go in; but on further consideration he
thought it was good enough for me, and therefore went in himself
to the love-feast. And here I would remark, that as yet I as-
cribed too great importance to membership, in any single sect of
professing Christians, and hence too much importance to joining
or withdrawing from them, therefore, what had been said had
affected me considerably; yet, because I felt no condemnation
for what I had done, but peace with God, I still, against all the
odds, believed I had done right; but I was like a weaned child.
The Methodists had a strong hold on my affections, and how much
I loved them, by so much would it have grieved me to have been
sbut out and treated with rigor by them. I had already as much
as I could bear, and when I learned afterwards how all things
were, I felt sure that some guardian angel sent me back, not suf-
fering me to meet what I could not bear. Still, as the Lord
knew, my sacrifice of self was not yet complete. I was, as it
were, compelled to retreat for a season, that I might gather
strength for a greater onset against my spiritual enemies. I went
home after meeting, affectionately led by one arm by my dear
husband, and by the other by sister Mack ; both endeavoring to
persuade me back to what they called the church. I did not
promise, but thought I would seek light from God. After re-

52
NARRATIVE.
freshment I took my Bible and retired to a back field, where I
earnestly prayed for light and guidance. I read my Bible on my
knees, but no light came; indeed all seemed darker than before,
and the Bible seemed as a sealed book. For this I could not
then account, but now think it was because I had all I needed
for the present. I felt great distress, and wept profusely for &
long time; and when I returned to my house, my dear husband
met me at the door, saying that he pitied the distress I had
brought upon myself, and hoped I would now come back to the
church. I said nothing, being unable to speak for weeping, but
secretly resolved that I would. On that evening the house was
densely crowded, and James Gilmore preached to us awhile.
Immediately after the last prayer I arose, walked to the aisle,
and said: “Brethren and sisters; I thought it my duty to with-
draw from this society; in this I have been mistaken; I am wil-
ling now to come back.” Then falling on my knees, I continued:
“My views of our spiritual state, brethren, are the same as before.
I think we are a backslidden people, and I entreat you all to be-
gin anew in this good cause, and I am willing, on these conditions,
to do or suffer with you anything that God may please.” The
preacher said: “Brethren and sisters, you have heard what the
sister has said ; you can say whether you will receive her. Br.
I. V., the class-leader, first arose, and giving me his hand, said:
“ Sister H., I welcome you back to the church,” subjoining a
warm exhortation to the brethren and sisters. A vote was then
called, and the “Aye” was unanimous. As soon as the meeting
was dismissed I received numerous friendly greetings; and broth-
er R. Root, Esq., said: “Now sister Hickcox, I love you better
than ever;" in short, there was a general joy, as over a returning
prodigal. Before parting they appointed a prayer meeting for
the next Thursday evening. After leaving the house, James Gil-
more said, exultingly : “ This will do more good than anything
that ever happened in "Number 9,” (as this part of the town was
called.) We now supposed he thought that anything for the
honor of his favorite sect would do great good, and be likely to
produce a revival ; but, ah! how futile often such hopes and
prospects ! Nay, always, when the love, trust and worship, due
only to God,are paid to sect. On Thursday evening at the prayer-

NARRATIVE.
meeting there were many present, and some energy was mani:
fested. Another was appointed for that evening a week, which
was poorly attended. Thus they continued until but one or two
only came to the place of meeting.
In our class-meeting it was the same as before, and things were
gradually settling back to their former condition. What had
been done was but as a small pebble cast into a stagnant pond,
causing a slight ripple to run far around in the waters, but the
same dead calm must ensue. Their fallow ground was not broken
up, nor the thorns extracted; therefore, seed sown and rain de-
scending were to them in vain; but such a state of things was to
me so painful, that I began to regret the retrograde step I had
taken. I saw at length that I must either content myself with
the smiles and caresses of men and women, and seek honor of my
fellows, or take a course that would effectually deprive me of all
these, and seek the smiles of God alone, and that honor which
cometh from God only. My soul was sorely pressed, and there
was but one alternative, and this I knew would tear my good
name and reputation among the people, to fragments. C. Gil-
more was now again preaching in our neighborhood, and feeling
that these despised people stood, in a great measure, on the ground
from which the old Methodists had fallen, and knowing that the
young converts would be likely to join ; that some expelled mem-
bers were reclaimed, and sister Mack had imbibed my views in
respect to the state of the old church, I thought it my duty to
become one of a little band under the banner of the Reformed
Methodists. Accordingly one evening, after hearing C. G. preach,
many of the old class being present, among whom was brother
Root. I arose and volunteered to join with any who might wish
to join with me, and come under the watchful care of this people.
The people being called on for an expression, five persons arose
to signify their desire to join with me, among whom was sister
Mack. I sat down, and for about ten minutes such a crushing
weight of some kind rested on me that it was almost unbearable,
and we knew not what to think of it or to call it, (for several
felt it.)
Sister Case, a woman remarkable for candor, said she felt as if
she could not live long under it, and as if she must go out and

54
NARRATIVE.
vent her feelings in loud cries. I have the opinion that it was
the angry powers of darkness venting their spite through the prej-
udice of some bigoted persons present. But the cloud passed,
and the sun of righteousness shone on our souls with renewed
splendor, and we took sweet counsel together. I doubt not, this
"event was sudden, and to some, quite unexpected, as I judged it
best not to renew the formality of a withdrawal, since they could
erase my name at pleasure, and I had come to feel indifferent as
to where, or on what scroll my name stood, or whether on one,
or on twenty, so it was written in Heaven. They now gave me
up for lost, and said nothing to me about returning. But Sister
Mack, who was the daughter of I. V., was compelled by the op-
position she met from parents, brother and husband, to have her
name erased from the paper, and this operated like a charm, to
quiet them for a while, though she met with us, and after a while,
came and had her name inserted again. My dear husband was
equally opposed to the step I had taken, and once went so far as
to threaten to leave me on account of it - but I could not, I durst
not retract, though all the world were against me. I believed if
he went away, he had too tender a conscience to remain long
away without any just cause; beside I was now fully convinced
that his salvation, as well as my own, depended on my being firm
and unmovable in what I deemed the truth. What sister Mack
and myself suffered, of opposition and persecution together, serv-
ed to bind our hearts together in the closest union ; she was un-
der God my counsellor and my comforter in affliction. There was
a great coldness and shyness of us, on the part of many of our
old friends, as if we had been guilty of crime or misdemeanor.
In short, we seemed to have but very few friends, and they were
tried friends. I received messages from one and another, like the
following :-"I have thought you were a christian, but now I
doubt it.” Another said: “Mrs. Hickox, I once thought you were
a person of some stability, but I now think there is no stability
about you.”
that like
If er ane bisa coba rol oldichts memo do modela
bisa nade i
ostalo potrebi

NARRATIVE55
.
,
no CHAPTER XII.
OUTWARDLY DISCOURAGING CIRCUMSTANCES AS A SECT, WITH
TAUNTS AND REPROACHES, DRIVE US TO TRUST IN GOD ALONE
INWARD COMFORTS AND SUPPORT COMMENSURATE TO OUR TRIALS
-REMOVAL--REVIVAL; HEART-SEARCHING SERMON; CONVINCED
OF MY LACK OF BEING FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT COMMENSURATE
WITH MY PRIVILEGE; EARNEST ENDEAVORS TO SEEK AFTER God.
There was
s now such an uproar about us in the neighborhood
we were so few and weak — and having no regular preaching,
considering the difficulties in our way, he whom we had chosen
for our leader became discouraged and thought we had better
disband, nor try any longer to keep meetings by ourselves. To
this the rest of us would not agree; so he left us and went back
to the old ship, which took him on board, notwithstanding he was
an expelled member from their Church. The remainder of us
kept up our meetings as often as practicable, being careful not to
interfere with their meeting hours, for one year. Brother C.
Gilmore and some other preachers visited us occasionally, and we
were a by-word and proverb of reproach among the people.-
Often we were asked if we did not repent the steps we had taken:
“You (said they) will soon be glad to come back to us; you have
no foundation ; you are made up of offscourings." And they
dignified us with the appellation of "Deformed Methodists."
They said likewise that if they could see a revival among us, and
sinners converted out of the non-professing world, they could
have some confidence in us and think we might prosper. We
were not dejected nor disheartened - far from it — though in
the world we had tribulation ; in Christ what peace ! We were
driven to trust in God through Christ alone, for we had no pros-
perous sect, no able and learned ministry, no spacious and well
furnished chapels, to constitute our “ Mountain of Samaria," to
trust in ; and as to being at ease in Zion, they themselves were
the means of preventing us from it. And (as Mr. Wesley once
said of his persecutors) they did us the greatest favor without
designing it; apprising us when we had done any wrong, and
putting us on our guard against doing wrong again. The greater
the sacrifices we made, and the more we suffered for our Saviour's
sake, the greater were our inward comforts. We felt that Christ

56
NARRATIVE.
was our sure foundation, and that we belonged to that Church,
against which the gates of Hell shall not prevail; and that He
alone was our head not man, nor a body of men.
At the end of this year, we removed to the west shore of the
Lake again, settling in the neighborhood of my father-in-law,
about three and a half miles distant. It was grievous to be par-
ted from sister Mack, and so far from our place of meeting; but
as we kept a good team, we were not wholly deprived of the
privilege of meeting with those loved ones, and sometimes atten-
ded their prayer meetings at sunrise on Sabbath mornings, which
were some of the most refreshing seasons I ever enjoyed. About
this time C. G. came and held a protracted meeting at brother
Mack's, and two of brother M's. daughters and some eight or
ten others were converted “out of the non-professing world.”-
Thus the Lord answered for Himself, and the gainsayers were si-
lenced. Brother Mack opened his barn for the meeting, and his
heart to entertain the preachers. Some of our Episcopal breth-
ren met with us on quarterly occasions, and as sure as they did so,
we had unusually refreshing meetings; some of them spoke that
had not been known to speak in their own meetings for years
before, except when spoken to. The Spirit of Prophesy came
upon them as upon Saul of old, and they spoke two or three
times in the course of the meeting. At one of our quarterly
meetings, on Sabbath morning, at eleven o'clock, Father Wright,
an old Methodist local preacher, preached at the Methodist house,
and hearing that the Deformed were holding a quarterly meeting
in Mr. M's barn, he thought this was a good opportunity, as
there were many of them collected, to come and give them a good
whipping. He was a man of rough and uncouth speech; so
much so that he used to be called “the old maul.” He sent an
appointment to preach to us at four o'clock, P. M., which was ac-
cepted. At the hour, attended by many of his flock, he came,
and took for his text the following words of Scripture : “With
your lies ye have made the hearts of the righteous sad, whom the
Lord hath not made sad, and strengthened the hands of the wick-
ed, that he should not turn from his wickedness." I remember
but one sentence in the sermon,which may suffice, both as a spec-
imen of the sermon, and of his manner of preaching : “ You all

NARRATIVE.
57
want to be Bishops; but you are no more fit to be Bishops than
a chestnut burr is fit for an eye-stone." There were preachers
present who could have carried him as easy as Sampson did the
gates of Gaza; but they all sat meekly, and heard him through.
About this time I heard a sermon by Calvin Gilmore, on being
“ filled with the Spirit,” which so searched me out that I was
convinced of having but a small measure of the Spirit, while it
was my privilege, and therefore my duty, to have all that was for
me, even to fill the utmost capacity of my soul and body's power.
I went home with a strong resolution not to rest till I had recov-
ered the witness of the Spirit which I had once possessed. I de-
termined to fast and pray as often as comported with my strength
and daily duty to my family, lifting my heart in prayer to God
continually while at work; to examine myself in the light of
God's Word impartially, unselfishly ; to cast off every idol I
could discover, and make up every delinquency in duty. In
short, to make thorough work, giving all diligence to make my
calling and election sure. I spent the next day fasting, and what
time I could spare, in earnest prayer; nor did I pray in vain
God gave me such an overwhelming sense of His holiness and
purity, of His awful majesty and glory, that I dare not utter a
word in His presence, but was ready, like Daniel, to say: “There
remaineth no strength in me; my comeliness is turned in me to
corruption.” I had such an awful sense of the delinquency of
professors and the desolation of Zion, that there was continually
a pain at my heart. I slept but little, but wept and prayed most
of the nights, while my partner slept quietly by my side. I was
continually in meditation upon these things, and in prayer;
while
at work, strewing my tears about the floor as I went; fasting
once or twice a week. I attended some prayer-meetings, but
could not take the active part, as I was wont to do before, bav-
ing such an awful sense of the deep spirituality, sincerity and
humility our worship must have, to make it acceptable to God.
And to attempt any act of worship vocally, greatly increased the
inward pain and distress I felt continually, unless I felt an expres-
sion (as I thought,) from the Holy Spirit, which was to me equiv-
alent to a command from God. Tnis led my mother-in-law to
give me a sharp rebuke, saying, "you are giving place to tempta-

58
NARRATIVE.
tion; you will be rcined unless you resist the devil, and get out
of your strange way of thinking." I respected her, knowing
she was a woman of piety and good judgment; but was sure she
did not understand my case.
Nor did I know what to think of
it myself; but the vivid sense of eternal things, which I had con-
tinually, and the utter insufficiency of all earthly good, for human
happiness, and of the arm of flesh to save and protect the soul,
led me to think it was no other than the good hand of my God
upon me.
But the final issue became a matter of some solicitude
with me, and more with my husband and friends; for within the
four weeks that I had been thus exercised, my strength and flesh
rapidly declined, and I had the appearance of one in consumption.
And it was no wonder; for in addition to my want of sleep, ab-
stinence and continued labor of mind, I did my household work
for a family of seven and nursed an infant, seven months old. In
endeavoring to cast off every idol, and carry out in practice my
sentiments, I made such disposal of some articles of dress, &c.,
as led
my husband to think I was not myself, and to deliver such
articles to his mother for safe-keeping; hence the story went
abroad that I was partially insane, or (as they termed it,) "get-
ting into a strange way." But the burden of my prayer was, 0,
Lord, let me know what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect
will of Thine, concerning me; 0, bring me just right in Thy sight,
that I may be filled with the Spirit.
CHAPTER XIII.
A VISIT TO SISTER MACK ATTENDED A FELLOWSHIP MEETING IN
BRISTOL, ONTARIO COUNTY, N. Y.; EXERCISES WHILE THERE;
SOME RELIEF; STILL MORE ON SATURDAY EVENING, AT A MEET-
ING FOR PRAYER - ATTENDANCE ON SUNDAY AT THE M. E. CHAP-
EL; EXERCISES WHILE THERE; STILL GREATER RELIEF; HAPPY
STATE OF MIND THROUGH THE ENSUING WEEK ATTENDANCE ON
NEXT SATURDAY AND SABBATH OF A QUARTERLY MEETING OF THE
REFORMED METHODISTS; EXERCISES OF MINDS ; TESTIMONY OF
THE SPIRIT TO MY CALLING AND DUTY; SUBMISSION.
At the end of four weeks my husband proposed to take me on

NARRATIVE.
59
a visit to Brother Mack's, thinking, no doubt, that a ride, a
change of company and an interview with sister M. would be of
service to me. I gladly accepted the kind offer, and on Friday
he took me to brother M's, and returned home, to come after me
on Sabbath. I found sister M. in her usual cheerful and happy
mood. I told her how I had been exercised in mind. She said
she did not understand my case, but endeavored to comfort and
encourage me to trust in God, saying, “I believe all will come
out right.” She prayed with and for me, and I endeavored to
cast myself on the arm of my Almighty helper. I yet found no
relief, but had no sense of guilt or fear of death, though I thought
perhaps it was near ; but a weighty sense of the state of the
Church, and a world of sinners, lying in wickedness and exposed
to ruin, caused a continual pain, which is indescribable, at my
heart.
I heard there was to be a fellowship meeting in Bristol, some
two or three miles distant from brother M's., to which, all Chris-
tians, without respect to name or sect, were invited. As soon as
I heard it, I felt a peculiar desire to go. But sister M. thought
it quite too long a walk for me, in my condition, so I tried to con-
tent myself; but in vain. As the time drew near, my anxiety
increased, which I mentioned ; and as there was no other mode
of conveyance, sister M. kept my babe, and sent one of her
daughters as my pilot. There were several hills to climb, but
notwithstanding my weak and emaciated state, I glided over them
scarcely feeling my weariness. The people were all strangers,
but the presence and power of God seemed eminently there; and
I felt not as a foreigner but as a fellow citizen, and of the same
household. In the course of the meeting I felt that I must speak,
and related some of my views for the past four weeks; after
which, while they were singing, I passed round, shaking hands
with the brethren and sisters. Most sensibly did I then feel the
presence of God and the sweet fellowship of the saints. I now
felt great relief, and still more in the meeting for prayer, on that
evening. There was to be a prayer and class-meeting at the M.
E. Chapel on Sabbath, and one inquired if I were going to attend.
I said I did not know, for I was now getting in the habit of wait-
ing for a thus saith the Lord,” in all things. Before the hour

60
NARRATIVE,
arrived my commission came, and I felt I had work to do there,
I went to change my clothes, but felt forbidden, and that I must
go as I was, as a contrast to the vanity, rich silks and gold, pearl
and costly array which would surround me. So on I went in
my plain, half-worn apparel. During the progress of the exerci-
ses I felt great pain in mind. There appeared so little of the true
spirit of worship, and such sinful conformity to the world. I
arose under a special “thus saith the Lord,” (at least so to me,)
and delivered a message, first to professors and then to non-pro-
fessors. On taking my seat an agony of soul seized me, in view
of this dreadful condition, spiritually, which lasted a few minutes,
causing me to cry out in the pangs of distress I felt. I have since
seen other Christians similarly exercised, which they called a
travel of soul; and I should think it a fit comparison, for it very
much resembles the pangs of nature's hour. It is a mixture of
overwhelming pity and compassion for souls, whom we see expos:
ed to the wrath of God and a burning hell. O, that it were
oftener felt by Christians, for the promise is, that when Zion
travels she shall bring forth. As I sat listening while they were
speaking to the class, these words of St. Paul kept a constant
vibration through my soul : “I am set for the defence of the
Gospel.” Though I thought not of their meaning, my mind be-
ing intently fixed upon the spiritual condition of the people
around me. In the class-meeting I was led to speak in a manner
which gave some offence. After meeting I returned home, light-
ened of my burden, and felt sweet peace and serenity during the
week, which is well expressed in the language of the poet, when
he says:
“Calm as the stillness which succeeds a storm ;
Soft as the spring-tide in its milder form;
89 still, so calm, so tranquilized the breast,
When all unholy passions are at rest."
All this time I had no thoughts of preaching, for I concluded
it was now impossible, and hoped my sons would be called into
that work when they became men; nor had I disclosed to any
what had passed in my mind in early life on this subject; but I
had now a firm determination to do, at all hazards, whatever ap-
peared plainly to be my duty; in other words, the whole will of
God.org
bil
y; in other words, the was

NARRATIVE.
61
On Saturday next the Reform quarterly meeting commenced
in brother M’s. barn. On Sunday morning, in love-feast, as I
was speaking of my feelings on the previous Sabbath, I rehearsed
the passage of Scripture which passed through my mind so often:
"I am set for the defence of the Gospel.” Afterwards I thought,
“now I fear the people will think I am going to preach, or think
it is my duty;" and I felt mortified, and wished I had been more
explicit, so as not to have raised such a suspicion. The question
then arose, would you not be willing to preach if you knew it
were God's will ? I answered, yes. Will you not consent to
know it, if it be His will ? I said, yea, Lord, anything, if I can
be sure it is Thy will. Then did the Spirit bear a clear testimo-
ny, saying, it is His will — it is His will. I knew the voice - I
could not doubt it and never has the conviction of duty, then
fastened on my soul, been reversed, though under temptation and
discouragement I have doubted and sought to have it reversed.
For the present I not only felt submissive, but saw it to be
amazing mercy and long suffering on the part of God, after all
my short-comings and disobedience, to grant me a mission still,
and a part in the work of spreading abroad the truth, and glori-
ous news of great joy to all people; which privilege appeared so
great, and so much needed, and I seemed to be standing on an
eminence, where had a full view of the church and of the
world, which spread like one great hospital, filled with the sick,
the wounded and the dying, with few, in proportion to their num-
ber, well enough to take care of the sick. But though I almost
thought the greatest trials of my life had passed, the battle fought
and the victory gained, by far the severest struggle was yet to
come. My thoughts dwelt most intensely on the condition of
perishing souls, and I felt as if I could lay down my life for them.
And, indeed, when I came in sober earnest to carry my Father's
will into execution, in the face of a prejudiced church and world,
with many to scorn, many to frown, and few to encourage, I
could have struggled with the martyr for his stake ; at least, I
think my sacrifice fell little short of his.
There was a meeting of prayer appointed at a neighbor's house.
Neither the man nor his wife were professors. I felt impressed
to go to that meeting, and disclose what was yet shut up in my

62
NARRATIVE.
own breast, and make an appointment to preach the next Sabbath,
at our district school house. I went, and to my utter amazement
there was going to be no meeting there. The appointment was
made at the man's request, unknown to his wife, and she declared
against it. My reason for mentioning this is, if possible, to throw
a little light on the subject of following the Spirit by impres-
sions. The light I have, I have gained by such painful experience
that it can never be forgotten by me. Some years previous I had
thought it dangerous to follow impressions, but I had been led
from my late exercises to depend on them entirely; hence the
above disappointment utterly confounded me; I knew not what
to think or what to do. I wept nearly the whole of that night.
My husband, being ignorant of the cause of my trouble, strove to
comfort me, saying: “Ellen, if you think it is your duty to
preach, go ahead; fear nobody. I am sure I would not fear the
whole world, if it were mine. I will help you all I can.” On
the next day my mind became more calm, and praying earnestly
for light on this delicate and important subject, I strove to under-
stand the Scriptures and the dealings of God with me. That
the apostles were on some occasions led of the Spirit by impres-
sions, appeared plain, but that they were on all occasions, we
we have no evidence. We inferred that instances sometimes oc-
curred, as in the case of Philip, going and joining himself to the
chariot; and Peter, on the house-top, when the Spirit said: “Be-
hold three men seek thee,”' &c., when the will of God could not
be known to them in any other way; but when right reason, or
Scripture, or inference, in accordance with it, makes our duty
plain, we are not to expect or depend on being led to duty
by impressions. Thus, in the absence of impressions, we must
use our reason and best judgment, and the Holy Scriptures. If
sufficiently watchful for the guidance of the Spirit, and circum-
stances of the day, or the indications of Providence, I think we
need not mistake; yet for want of this we may, nay, there is
danger. One man we read of, on his way to an appointment, felt
an impression to go to a certain house, a good deal out of his way;
he found no one lived there, and by means of this, reached his
appointment too late, and the people had gone home disappoint-
ed. We may and doubtless have been led into far more danger-

NARRATIVE.
63
ous errors than his. This shows the necessity of close watchful-
ness; for it still remains a truth, that they that are ied by the
Spirit of God are the sons of God; and when the Spirit of God
impresses duty, and we are disobedient, the Spirit will forsake
us, and “they that have not the Spirit of Christ are none of His.”
On the whole, I came to the conclusion that after what had passed
in my mind previously, I knew my duty without particular im-
pression, and that was, to make an appointment to preach on the
first opportunity. Such an opportunity offered on the next
Thursday evening. But not feeling, in view of all these matters,
as at first, it proved the greatest sacrifice and crucifixion of self,
of any I had yet made. Yes, reader, if you had been there, you
might have heard the strokes of the hammer that nailed me to
the Cross, and heard the cries of the victim.
CHAPTER XIV.
MY GIVING OUT THE FIRST APPOINTMENT TO PREACH, AND ÁTTEND-
ANCE UPON IT.
On reviewing all that was past, I saw not how I could desist
from making an appointment to speak to the people, without be-
ing a coward and a traitor to my God. I accordingly went to
the regular Thursday night meeting, with the intention of so
doing ; on the way I was beset with sore temptations, and my
mental conflict was very great — having inherited from my Mother
an unusually bashful and diffident disposition. I felt I could not
go forward without doing great violence to my natural feelings.
I had no expectation of sympathy or encouragement from any,
except my husband and one or two others, and I expected to
bring reproach and scorn upon myself. I looked with astonish-
ment on the fact that some men were so unwilling, when called
of God, to preach the Gospel, while the difficulties in their way,ap-
peared to me as nothing; while for them to preach, was an honor
and all looked up to them with deference and respect. But a fe-
male must encounter, on all sides, an inveterate prejudice, foun-

64
NARRATIVE.
ded on a misconstruction of the scriptures. Beside this, I was
ignorant and unlearned; and in assuming the awful responsibility
of a public teacher, I feared I should teach wrong things, and
mislead my fellow creatures. Two ways were
ow open before
me and I must now choose, either to go forward, trusting in God
to give me wisdom and understanding to open and clear my way
before me, looking to him alone for comfort and support; or base-
ly fear the frowns and court the smiles of mortals, fall short of
duty and incur the displeasure of the Almighty, and thus lose the
reward that awaits the faithful in the skies. This last I had not
the courage to do; and 0, how earnestly did I entreat for moral
courage to do the former ! I had all I could do to grapple with
my own feelings without taking any active part, until about the
close of the meeting, when, mustering all my remaining strength,
I arose and, relating some of my feelings in early life in regard
to duty, I said I was conscious I had never been fully willing, till
of late, to know the whole will of God concerning me; but that
I had now submitted, and fully believed it my duty to preach
the gospel. The mental effort may appear to persons differently
constituted, to have been but trifling, but to me it was tremen-
dous ! too great for my nervous system, and on sitting down, a
paroxysm of distress seized my whole frame, which caused me to
cry out for some time. I then became calm, and said, "I will
meet, and speak to as many as will come here next Sabbath, at
four in the afternoon.” A lady came to me after meeting and
said, “Mrs. Hickcox, your sacrifice makes me think of Abraham
offering his only son, Isaac.” Indeed, there was at least a strong
similitude, not only on account of mental suffering, but the sweet
peace, and sense of Divine approbation, which followed, and I
seemed to hear Him say, as to Abraham, “now I know that thou
fearest God, seeing thou hast done this." The good or ill
opinions of men now weighed nothing with me; so, for the pres-
ent, the victory was gained, and I rejoiced in the spoils. No other
person spoke to me; all appeared as if struck dumb with aston-
ishment. On our way home, my husband said, "E., I am glad to
find out what has been the matter with you. I was fearful you
would become insane. Fear not, go on and do your duty." I
was truly thankful to God for this encouragement, and praised
לל

NARRATIVE.
65
His name. Opposition from my husband at this juncture, might
have proved fatal to reason or to life. I was so light and joyful
I seemed rather to glide or fly, than walk home.
During the time which intervened, Satan did not fail to attack
me at every vulnerable point, telling me I had disgraced myself
beyond recovery,and that all my husband's relatives and my own,
were ashamed of me, (which was in some instances true, for Sa-
tan can tell truth when it will, or may answer a bad end,) and
that I should have the school-house to myself, for none would
take sufficient notice of my appointment to come. I know
some of his servants say we accuse him of too much, and the evil
springs only from our wicked hearts; but if so, St. Peter should
have said: “Be watchful; be vigilant; because your own wicked
hearts, like a roaring lion, goeth about, seeking whom he may de-
vour,” making nonsense of the Scripture. If there be no tempt-
ing Devil, whence those unbidden and unwelcome thoughts that
obtrude into the mind, discouraging from good and inciting to
evil. At the same time, there was a text of Scripture in my
mind, seeming so instructive, that I thought if I could only be
free from fear, so as to have perfect self-possession, I should de-
light to hold forth its truths, though all the world were there.
My husband and his friends and relatives were all members of
the M. E. Church, and on that Sabbath their quarterly meeting
was held in the village of Canandaigua, and he could not resist
the imperative call of his friends, to go with his team, and carry
them to that meeting, five miles distant, intending to get back to
my meeting at four o'clock; thus leaving me to go alone and on
foot to my meeting, a mile and a quarter distant. But though I
keenly felt the deprivation, I said nothing. When the hour drew
nigh, I took my eldest son, a boy of eleven years, to help me
carry my babe, and started for the school-house. When I came
in sight, I saw a great company standing about the door. When
I came up, they parted to make me a passage into the house,
which was crowded to its utmost capacity. The middle boards
of the chamber floor were thrown up and each side of the cham-
ber filled. It being a warm day, the windows were taken out,
and a company stood at each window. Every eye was intently
fixed on me.
I gave my infant to sister Mack, and sat down to
5

66
NARRATIVE:
take breath and collect my thoughts ; but I found the latter im
possible. I was exceedingly pressed, as if the weight and burden
of that people rested upon me. At length I exclaimed within
myself, I cannot live so; I will arise and begin to speak, perhaps
it will relieve me, I arose and walked to the centre of the room,
took my stand, said a few words by way of introduction, and gave
out my text: 6 Woe unto them that are at ease in Zion, and
trust in the mountain of Samaria.” I proceeded to point out sev-
eral things in which professed Christians were trusting, instead of
trusting in God, and the effects of so doing; and finished with an
application of the subject to the present congregation, and an
affectionate exhortation to sinners. I had not spoken ten min-
utes before all fear vanished. I became calm and self-possessed
for the time being, and filled with intense love and compassion
for all whom I addressed, and ideas flowed spontaneously, far
above my common thoughts, as if handed down from heaven. I
requested the brethren and sisters to use their pleasure, and
gained my seat, feeling much exhausted. Several bore witness
to the truth of what they had heard, and exhorted the people ;
singing hymns and praising God. In the meantime, for my part,
I seemed to be in the suburbs of heaven. Language cannot de-
scribe what I felt. I made another appointment in two weeks,
and the meeting was closed. In the intervening time, not an ad
verse wind blew—not a ripple stirred on the surface of my calm
and peacaful mind. At the next appointment many came from
eight and ten miles distant, prompted by curiosity, and the house
could not hold them. I spoke from the words, “Behold the
man,” and called on the people to behold him, first, in his humil-
ity and condescension ; second, in his going about and doing
good ; third, in bis meritorious sufferings, death and resurrection;
and all for wretched man. Just previous to the commencement of
this meeting, a lady came to me, saying, Mrs. H., do begin your
meeting with singing and prayer, as other speakers do, (for at my
first meeting I thought not of either.) So I complied with her
request, but I have since thought that we are too much bound to
a certain customary routine in these things — a custom which we
have no evidence of being practiced by our Saviour or his apos-
tles. I do not now recall a single instance on record where they
כל

NARRATIVE.
67
commenced their public discourses with singing and prayer, and
but two where they began at any particular text of Scripture;
those are, our Saviour's sermon to the disciples going to Emmaus,
and Philip's to the Eunuch in the chariot. Yet, our people are
bb traditional as to think it almost a crime to preach without first
singing and praying ; and hardly to call that preaching which is
not preceded by a text of Scripture. I cannot help thinking that
if ministers would dare to step out of the old, beaten track of for-
mality, they might be led more by the Spirit, and thus teach the
people the same lesson, with the same results. But to return.
We had a refreshing season; several seemed to feel that this
was the house of God and the gate of heaven, and tears told how
much the Word was felt among the unconverted. Another ap-
pointment was made, in two weeks. I began now to be greeted
respectfully, and many flattering things were said to me. It was
thought, that if the weather permitted, the next meeting must be
in the grove, as the house could not accommodate the people.
All things now seemed to glide smoothly on, and I fondly
hoped that as I had submitted to be anything that pleased God,
the powers of darkness would be restrained — that I should no
more be so roughly handled as heretofore, but sufferred to go on
peaceably, and preach my Lord and Master to the world, the
remnant of my days. But my heavenly Father saw that the
knotty branch yet needed the sharp pruning-knife to be applied
upon it. My Great Physician was preparing the bitterest dose
that I had ever taken. At my next appointment it was rainy,
and we had to use the school-house, which was densely crowded,
and some two or three ministers were present. After singing and
prayer, I proceeded to name my text, and talked for awhile with
my usual liberty; but the avenue of light and of ideas began to
close up more and more. I still strove to proceed, blundered,
became frightened and discouraged, desired the preachers to pro-
ceed with the meeting, and sat down. None but those who have
experienced the same can tell my feelings. I then thought my
case unprecedented, but a year or two after I heard David Marks,
in a sermon, tell of having a similar trial. I was entirely unable
to account for this. I dared not to give another appointment.
After meeting we went to my father-in-law's, and refreshments

68
NARRATIVE.
being served, my mother-in-law said to me: “Ellen, it is a great
thing to be a preacher of the Gospel ;" I assented, and she con-
tinued, (with a countenance full of gravity and concern,) " those
who make pretensions to it, take upon
themselves an awful respon-
sibility, and I believe that if God calls any one to preach, He will
qualify them for the great work.” I could stay to hear no more,
but retired to my chamber to weep. I was so perplexed that I
knew not which way to turn, but still ventured to look to Him
who held the rod. I said: “0, Lord, I verily thought Thou
didst call me to this work. Why then hast Thou thus forsaken
me, and left me alone. Thou knowest that I can do nothing
withou Thee. If, after all, I am mistaken, I am willing, yea, I
would rejoice to know it; and Thou knowest I would not run
uncalled, nor ever again attempt to speak without Thy author-
ity.” I could infer from what she had said, what was my mother-
in-law's opinion, and I thought it was now, of course, the opinion
of all. I knew that God's ways and judgments were far above
out of our sight- and though, according to right reason, are often
above human reason. I feared being swayed by the opinions of
others, farther than they were taught of God. But I had thought
that whom God called, He so qualified that they could do at all
times, the work He had called them to do. Here, therefore, I
was utterly confounded, and concluded I must have been mista-
ken. Yet I dare not drop the matter without an assurance from
God and a counter testimony of the Spirit, which, if I had been
deceived, I believed would be given at my earnest supplication,
60 that my mind would remain easy on that subject; for the
Scripture shows plainly, that none
ne are called but by His Spirit.
This is also among the wall things ” the Comforter was to teach
us when he came. Hence the apostle says:
" How shall they
preach except they be sent ?” “ And no man taketh this honor to
himself, but he that is called of God, as was Aaron;" and without
this guide, no man or woman could ascertain their calling from
the Bible ; for Christ says: “Go ye into all the world and preach
the Gospel ;" or, "Let the dead bury the dead, but go thou and
preach the Gospel.” Without the guidance of the Spirit, every
one would be left to the judgment of men, and hence receive it
of man, and be taught it only by man; or, he must judge for

NARRATIVE.
69
himself, and necessarily take the honor to himself, instead of be-
ing called of God, as was Aaron. Hence I saw no way but to
besiege a Throne of Grace for light and truth in regard to this
matter.
Two days and nights I spent in an agony of prayer, telling the
Lord over and over that I was willing to know that I had been
mistaken, and would welcome the reproach of running, uncalled
of Him, if He would but grant me the light to see it. Gladly
would I spend my days in private life, and in the bosom of my
family, if I were satisfied it were His will concerning me, while
tears flowed abundantly. That I was ignorantly interceding to
have my own will and choice, appeared from the way the Lord
dealt by me, for on the third day my agony of mind left me,
though I was unwilling to part with it till I had gained my suit,
the counter testimony of the Spirit, or a clearance from God from
preaching. The sky cleared up; the sun began to shine; the
south wind blew; the spices began to flow out, and I found my-
self in the same latitude as before the storm. Passages of Holy
writ flowed in, like vessels richly laden ; and sweetly did the
Spirit whisper: “Go, tell my disciples that I am risen from the
dead.” “Go, call thy husband,' and she went her way, and
saith unto the men of her city, Come, see a man which told me
all things,' and she coming in at that instant, spake of Him to all
them that looked for redemption,” &c. On that day I saw sister
Mack, who had witnessed my failure on the previous Sabbath,
and said to her: "Well, my sister, what do you now think of.
my call to preach ?” She answered with great solemnity: “I do
not doubt it any more than I doubt my own existence, or
On ouer as
istence of God.” These words struck me forcibly, and served to
confirm and comfort me, knowing her to be a person of good un-
derstanding.
Owing to a backwardness in me, I had no more meetings for
several months; and like Moses' rod, it appeared like a serpent,
and as time rolled on, I was more and more afraid of it. I took
an active part in meetings, but when I thought of holding them
myself, it appeared, if possible, greater self-denial than at first;
but I could do any or all other duties; be attentive to all other
means; appear very sanctimonious, and no cross or self-denial

70
NARRATIVE.
about it ; for both in regard to myself and others, the offence of
the cross had ceased. When I thought of preaching, it was cru-
cifying to my flesh and offensive to many. One would say: "I
don't believe in women's preaching ;' and another wise man (at
least in his own conceit,) would say: "I won't go to hear her;
she can't teach me anything;" and yet another: " What she
says is well enough, if it were a man saying it, it would look
much better.” I might have conducted myself in a way to save
all this, and even soon to have gained their applause ;- a lazy,
formal, flowery prayer, a very eloquent and smooth exhortation
now and then in a prayer-meeting, as a school-boy repeats his
lesson, with correctness and precision, but without any sense of
its import, and not a murmur nor complaint. But occasionally
one saying, such a one is a smart woman, and another would say,
“If I could talk like you, I would be willing to talk all the time,
but (they might as well say because I can not please the ears
and gain the praise of men,) I may as well be silent.” I found
after a while, by comparison, that I had lost much ground in spir-
itual things. That clear and vivid sense of heavenly things was
gone. I could no longer weep in view of the danger sinners
were in. I could say prayers about it, and talk fluently about it,
but my heart was not affected with it - it was as unfeeling as a
stone. But in this dry and barren land, my soul found no suste-
I grew hungry and thirsty, and my soul fainted in me.
I cried unto the Lord, and he heard my supplication, though at
first he seemed to turn a deaf ear, and I gained no access. Yet
he sent me a reproof and encouragement, in an old man, who
had been present at my first meeting, and who said to me: “Mrs.
Hickcox, why don't you hold meetings as you began to do ?" I
made some excuses — said it was difficult, and that I had almost
doubted my call to do so. Said he: “I do not doubt it in the
least, and I do not believe you can enjoy religion without it. If
you do your duty, God will clear the way.” My conscience
closed in with his words — I was as one awakened out of a sleep.
Like Peter, I went out and wept bitterly. I knew this had been
the cause of my dullness and languishing, and resolved again to
shoulder the Cross, and march after my Saviour, clean without
the camp, bearing his reproach.
nance.

NARRATIVE.
71
CHAPTER XV. pokon
FOLLOWING THE SPIRIT, IN SELF-DENIAL AND CROSS-BEARING, A
CURE FOR LETHARGY AND LUKEWARMNESS — HOLDING ANOTHER
PUBLIC MEETING; GREVIOUS OPPOSITION ENCOUNTERED ; SORROW
AND TEMPTATION; RESULT OF THE MEETING; VICTORY AND EN-
COURAGEMENT — SICKNESS IN MY FAMILY; CONCLUSION TO RE-
MOVE TO THE STATE OF OHIO; A GLOOMY PROSPECT ; REMOVAL
WITH US OF FATHER HICKCOX AND TWO SONS, WITH FAMILIES,
ALSO OF THE EPISCOPAL CLASS-LEADER AND FAMILY; SOLICITA-
TION TO UNITE IN THE M. E. CHURCH IN OHIO ; DECISION AND ITS
CONSEQUENCES; HUSBAND ADVISED NOT TO HARBOR THE RE-
FORMED METHODISTS.
DO
Many, we think, who have been partially awake to their dan-
gerous condition, have groaned under a spiritual lethargy and
lukewarmness a numbness of all their mental faculties in re-
gard to things of God and eternity — and feared they should
sleep the sleep of death, while at the same time they rejected
Christ — their only remedy — by rejecting the movings of the
Holy Spirit, to some self-denying, flesh crucifying duty. The
Spirit portrays before them the happiness and glory consequent
on obedience. But the flesh cries, it is too hard, you cannot do
this; anything else but this; and may, it is to be feared, continue
to reject, till the good Spirit leaves them to choose their own
way, until they are twice dead — plucked up by the roots. And
the reason why Christians find little or no cross and self-denial,
after being purged from their old sins, and forming the habit of
outward duties, is because they quench, and do not follow the
Spirit. If they listened attentively to His voice, (which is no
other than the voice of the good Shepherd, who gave his life for
the sheep, and says: “My sheep know my voice,") He would
lead them where they would find the bitter cross and self-denial,
bitter to the flesh, but wholesome and quickening to the soul.
Then no more complaints of stupidity, and that lukewarmness
hangs on us like a leprosy. We have believed on Him, and now
He tells us : “ Obey me, and all thy spiritual enemies shall die,
but thou shalt live.”
gebie
I resolved to try again to bear the Cross. A family lived near
d all thy pero

72
NARRATIVE.
me whose parents lived on the other side of the lake, and as they
crossed the lake to visit their friends, they agreed to give an ap-
pointment for me, in four weeks, and carry me over to meet it ;
but acquainting my husband with the arrangement, I found that
he also had suffered from my negligence, for he was opposed to
my going, making the excuse that it was unreasonable to leave
my family. In vain did I urge that I could get some one to stay
with them during my absence. But as there was no way to re-
call the appointment, I insisted on meeting it; but he utterly
refused to accompany me, which to me was a great privation, and
a grief to go against his will. But when the time drew near,
having all things in order for the family, I sent word to his sister,
a young lady, to come and stay with them ; but she sent me word
back that I had better stay on my own side of the lake. She
came, however, and we started on Saturday afternoon; but truly,
I left home with a pained heart. We arrived safe on shore, and
walked two miles to their father's; the school-house, where the
meeting was appointed, being in sight. It was a pleasant place,
and thickly inhabited, but everything to me wore a gloomy as-
pect. Every now and then my thoughts flew back to my home,
where I saw, in imagination, a frowning husband, children wound-
ed or drowning, or the house in flames. Again they flew back,
and I saw myself in a crowded school-house, trying to preach,
but all tangled in the brush, and unable to go on. I slept none
till towards day-break, but wrestled in prayer and against the
Tempter, while tears did not drop, but poured constantly down
my temples. I slept a little, and when I awoke, the following
passage brought me some light and comfort: "For as much as
Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise
with the same mind.” Also, “He that goeth forth weeping, bear-
ing precious seed, shall doubtless come again rejoicing, bring-
ing his sheaves with him.” In the morning I could not eat, and
when I saw the people flocking to the school-house, it seemed to
me like a funeral. At the appointed hour I went there, took my
stand, and gave out a hymn. After singing, I kneeled to pray.
And now the cloud broke - bright beams from the Sun of Righ-
teousness shone upon me. I had access to a Throne of Grace,
and a degree of power with God in prayer that I had seldom ex-

NARRATIVE.
73
perienced. I had great liberty in speaking, and in the class-
meeting which followed, I was greatly refreshed. I found here
some warm-hearted Christians, whom I loved. After meeting
the brethren said : “We want you to come here again, for every
body has turned out to-day, and several who have not attended
meetings for years. As my friends agreed to aid me again, I
left an appointment for four weeks hence. We returned home
that night, and as we glided over the smooth, crystal waters of
the Lake, sweet was my meditation of the boundless ocean of
eternal love.
I found all well at home, and my husband in a good humor.
He attended my next appointment with me, and I was truly
comforted over all my sorrow, when I learned that a wicked
Universalist and five others had been gained, as the fruit of these
two meetings, to the Saviour, and were baptized and united with
the Methodists. I held a few meetings after this, passed through
some trials, and found clusters of the pleasant grapes of Canaan
during the remaining years that I was in the State of New York.
Two families of the warmest opposers of the reform, had moved
to the State of Ohio, namely: J. V., brother of the M. E.
class-leader, and exhorter, heretofore mentioned, and young J.
V., his son. The former, it was said, horse-whipped his son for
going to the Reformed Methodist meetings, and the latter was a
busy and constant declaimer against them, calling them the ene-
mies of the M. E. Church. He was a brother-in-law, having
married my husband's sister. They settled in the township of
Granger, Medina County, Ohio. My husband often spoke of re-
moving thither also, and I as often tried to dissuade him there-
from. Judging that it would not be for our interest, spiritually
or temporally, and naturally dreading a journey of more than
300 miles, witn a family of small children, at length he said no
more about it for several months, and I fondly cherished the
hope that he had given up the idea. One day, however, in the
month of September, he came in and said : “Ellen, I have sold
my farm, and am going to move to Ohio in January next!” A
shock similar to an electric one passed over me, but I said noth-
ing for a while. I thought, we know not what is best, and the
will of God be done ; He can support me, and perhaps I can be

74
NARRATIVE.
more useful in that new country than here. I then said to my
husband, who was wafting for an answer: “Well, if you have
sold our farm and are bent for Ohio, I have nothing more to say
against it.” He and his brother and parents, immediately took a
journey to Ohio, to select a location. They were gone four weeks,
and during their absence two of our children were very sick. I
was worn out with watching, anxiety and fatigue, and the thought
of removing with such a family, in the heart of winter, was by
no means comforting. My children slowly recovered, but the
little boy had uot recovered when his father returned. On the
19th of Jsnuary, 1829, we started for the State of Ohio, in a
covered wagon, laden with a few of our household goods, myself
and my seven children, the eldest thirteen, the youngest six
weeks old, and the next youngest not two years old till the 23d
of March.
It was very cold weather, and the wagon-cover formed a wel-
come screen from the bleak north wind. We stayed that night
at the house of I. V., the M. E. class-leader, who was also going
to Ohio to reside, in company with us, who with his wife and his
youngest son,
and my father Hickcox and mother, and their three
sons and families, made five families, consisting of twenty per-
sons, with four covered wagons, three span of horses, and two
yoke of cattle. It was providential, indeed, that we went in
company, for no single team could have performed the journey
alone, for the snow left us at Buffalo, and the mud was up to our
axletrees. The north side of the hills was covered with ice, so
that we were often obliged to double and triple our teams, to
make headway. I was much pained at parting with dear sister
Mack and other Christian friends, Sister Mack and sister Can-
dace Case came and lodged with us during the night; and al-
though I was tempted to gloomy forebodings, fearing I should
not, in my weak state, well endure the journey, with its fatigues
and dangers, it was sweet to converse with dear Christian
friends, join in their fervent petitions for a safe journey to a
distant land, and hear them say: “Fear not, the Lord will
bring you safe through.” Brother I. V. offered previously to pro-
cure me a certificate from the M. E. class, saying: “There will
be no Reformed Methodists in Ohio, and you will join us again."

NARRATIVE.
75
But I declined, saying: "If my conduct does not recommend
me, a piece of paper cannot, and if it does, they will receive me
without it. After I was seated in the wagon, sister Mack came
and slipped a letter of commendation (unasked) into my hand,
saying: “Farewell, the Lord be with you." She then kissed
my husband, and we parted, to meet no more on earth. We
were eighteen days on the road, and my faith and patience, as
well as my bodily strength, were severely taxed. Towards the
last of February we were safely landed in our habitation in Ohio,
wbich was a log cabin, with no chamber floor. We had no table,
and but few of the necessaries of life, but to me it was pleasant
as a paradise, so thankful was I for a respite from the fatigues of
journeying. I had a severe attack of nervous rheumatism soon
after our arrival, but it passed off, and left me in usual health.
We were cordially welcomed by our old friends and neighbors
who had emigrated here before us; and some who were our warm
opposers in New York, welcomed us with a kiss.
I endeavored to make a fresh dedication of my all to God,
earnestly desiring to glorify Him, and serve Him more faithfully
than ever before. I thought it my duty to commence with the
Cross, and, therefore, appointed a meeting. One of the M. E
brethren opened his door for me to preach in his house; and
brother Ezekiel Porter, a local preacher and class-leader, and the
whole class turned out to hear me several times. We had to sell
our horses, and brother J. V. was very kind, and carried us to
their meeting, which was about three miles off, many times. My
mother-in-law advised me to unite with the Methodist Episcopal
class again, as there were no Reformed Methodists here, and were
not likely soon to be, if ever; besides, it would please my hus-
band and the class; and J.V. brought me word from the preacher
in charge, that if I united with them, I should have license to
preach.
Thus all seemed moving on most pleasantly, and I met with
smiles of approbation on every side; all were in expectation at
every meeting, that I would join. Meanwhile I perceived that
those individuals, who, in the State of N. Y. had been so hostile
to what they were pleased to call the 'deformed' Methodists, had
lost none of their hatred toward them ; but had circulated sto-

76
NARRATIVE.
ries to their disgrace, as a Sect, and the bad conduct of somo de-
linquent and disorderly members, and some strange and fanatical
notions of some of our preachers, such as the gift of healing, and
the Holy Ghost given, by laying on of hands, &c., and some at-
tempts to put it in practice, but unsuccessfully ; (some of whom
were of undoubted piety, and were subsequently recovered out
of the snare, and others joined the Mormons); all these accounts
had been industriously plied, until the mind's of the people were
effectually prejudiced against them. This appeared wrong and
unjust. I had good reason to love many in the several Sects, I
was acquainted with ; they bore my only test of fellowship, they
feared God, and worked righteousness. For the same reason I
loved many among the Reformed Methodists. I considered all
the true children of God, one in Christ Jesus; and that it was
as wrong for one Sect, or denomination, needlessly to repeat the
faults of their delinquent members, and cast out their name as
evil, and vilify and slander them, and hold them up to ridicule
at every shop and corner, as it is for one individual to do it to
another. The command to love one another, is equally binding
on all the children of God, towards all the children of God, of
whatever name or place, or of no name.
With these sentiments
I could not think of uniting with the M. Episcopal Class. I knew
too, that though the lion fawned, and appeared as a lamb, he was
a lion still; and I need not do any wicked thing, but only that
which I verily believed was right, to make him roar tremendous-
ly, and threaten to devour. I had reason to believe, that to make
my mind known, would make a sad reverse in my circumstances, but
experience had taught me, that to please, was not always the way
to profit mankind, that 'before honor is humility. I had said be-
fore, let me be on the Lord's side, though I be alone; and on the
side of truth and justice, though all be against me. I could not
longer keep them in suspense ; so I told them in a class-meeting
that I should not unite with them, as I thought it my duty to
stand as a reformer, though I loved them all, who loved the Lord,
and would unite with such in the worship and service of God as
far as they would suffer me to do so, when duty did not call me
somewhere else. The scene was no less changed, than I expect-
ed I was no longer greeted with friendly hands, and smiling coun-

NARRATIVE
77
tenances, and from this time, some who in private were very
friendly, and I believe were so at heart, dared not to notice me
in company; among these, was brother Porter. My next meet-
ing was attended by a few children, and some young men, who
appeared disposed to treat me with sneering and contempt, after
which I knew it would be in vain to attempt to hold meetings
here. Our brother-in-law I. V. as I was credibly informed -
now cautioned the people against me, as a dangerous person.
They held prayer meetings in our neighborhood, and I continued
to attend, though I knew I was regarded by the people, with
jealousy and suspicion, and sometimes on these occasions, the
Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon me, as upon Sampson, and
I testified against the sins of the people unsparingly. This offen-
ded some, -I. V. in particular, — who went off scolding loudly.
While, feeling within, the divine approbation, I felt patient as a
lamb, and feasted on fat things. . I wished to retain the name
of Reform Methodist not because I thought it was any better than
any other name, but because that name was so unjustly hated in
that place, and believing them correct on doctrinal points, I thought
they would be likely to be useful here. I therefore determined,
as soon as I could hear of any in the country, to write to them
to send some of their preachers to Granger. Notwithstanding my
husband had been cautioned by his sister, not to harbor any of
them about him, I knew that he had seen some of them, and
knew they were men, and not monsters, while she only knew
them by report. I knew if they came, he would treat them well,
yet I thought it not prudent to acquaint him with my resolution.
Many stories were in circulation, préjudicial to my reputation;
saying that I was negligent in my doméstic duty &c., which served
as a spur to great diligence and care, that I might give no occasion
to the enemy to speak reproachfully, they now and then reached
my ears; but I took no notice, nor did I make any inquiry whence
they came; remembering the meek example of Moses, when Aa-
ron and Miriam murmured against him, and believing that God
would plead my cause as he did his, against all that rose up against
me.

78
NARRATIVE.
CHAPTER XVI.
PRESSURE OF CARES, AND DESTITUTION THEIR EFFECT ON MY
HUSBAND AND MYSELF THOUGHTS ON THE EDUCATION OF OUR
CHILDREN ON THE GOVERNMENT OF MYSELF AND OF MY CHIL-
DREN REFLECTIONS ON PARENTAL EXAMPLE - NEW RESOLU-
TIONS FORMED, AND RULES ADOPTED --- THE EFEECT OF ENDEAV-
ORS TO CARRY THEM OUT IN PRACTICE HELD MEETINGS IN
-
NEWS OF A
COPLEY ON THE SMITH ROAD, AND IN MONTVILLE
REFORMED METHODIST PREACHING IN MONTVILLE
WROTE A
LETTER, WENT TO HEAR HIM, AND SENT IT BY HIM TO THE EL-
DER - A LETTER RECEIVED FROM THE LEADING OR PRESIDING
ELDER AN INVITATION TO ATTEND HIS CAMP-MEETING-AT-
TENDANCE THROUGH DIFFICULTIES - PROCESS OF THE MEETING,
AND ITS RESULTS TO ME — HUSBAND WITHDRAWS FROM THE M.
E. CHURCH — A SELF FORMED BAND OF EIGHT PERSONS, TAKING
THE NAME OF REFORMED METHODIST, IN GRANGER, APPLYING TO
CONFERENCE FOR A PREACHER, ONE OBTAINED — TRADING FARMS
AND REMOVAL STRUGGLES AGAINST PREJUDICES AND SECTARI-
ANISM
LONGING FOR A REVIVAL - DARKNESS OF
THE PROS-
PECT OUTWARDLY
PROTRACTED MEETING AND REVIVAL.
The first year of our residence in Ohio being unfavorable for
crops, my husband and two oldest boys, were necessitated to earn
bread and meat for the family by hard days work, for the early
settlers, chopping, logging, &c., and being oppressed with many
cares and perplexities, seemed growing fretful ; while I, equally
pressed with cares, the want of conveniences, and the government
of my children, found it hard to refrain from scolding and fretting
likewise. Indeed I found the habit growing fast upon me; it
seemed impossible to secure their obedience without speaking
sharply, or resorting to the rod, and I seemed unable to bear with
them, as if under a continual dropping which wears a stone.-
Not that my children were worse than large families usually are,
or more difficult to govern, but that I was faulty, and this increas-
ed the difficulty greatly. I found that with such language as I
treated them, they would copy every look, every motion, every
word. I paused to consider this matter. I asked what is my
duty, and the wise course for me to pursue, in relation to my hus-
band, to myself, and to my children? If we go on in this way,

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79
my husband and myself will become confirmed in fretfulness and
sourness of temper. No one can be happy with us, nor we with
ourselves. Our children will leave the parental roof to rear their
families as they were reared, and transmit the contagion from one
generation to another, until time shall end. Thus feeling a weight
of responsibility, I resolved to turn over a new leaf in my life's
history, and make it my first business to govern myself on all
occasions. One of the rules I adopted, was always to speak mildly
to my children, and though I were compelled to use the rod to secure
obedience, never to use it in impatience or anger. And in rela-
tion to my husband, what would reason dictate me to do, if I
wished to extinguish a fire—to throw on oil, or fuel, or to throw
on water. Thus, when he seems peevish and fretful, let me ad-
here to the wise saying, "a soft answer turneth away wrath; but
grievious words stir up anger. And how do I wish my family
to grow up ? Do I wish them to be meek and gentle, kind and
obliging, pleasant and refined? Then I must set the example-
I must begin now; if I do not, my neglect will render it more and
more difficult. I began by the day, and thus day after day, until
I found to my great satisfaction (and I pen it to encourage others
to make the same trial) that when I governed myself, my chil-
dren were much easier to govern: And, that when old Adam,
within
us, is nailed to, and kept on the cross of self-denial, though
he be long in dying, we shall feel his struggles less and less, until
he is dead, and then we can speak mildly, and act kindly, even
in the midst of provocation. Nay, the christian that overcometh
himself, can remain silent amid reproach and contradiction, and
while torrents of abuse are poured upon him, and bear to be
blamed, when not to blame, and it is not hard to appear meek
and patient when one is so within; but many, because they fear
man more than God, to save their reputation, "work much harder
to appear what they are not, than they would have to work, to
be what they would appear to be." Great rewards are promised
in Revelations, to him (or her) that overcometh, and they that
go to fight foes without, and neglect those within, that leave their
own passions and tempers unsubdued, take hold at the wrong end,
and fail to overcome. "He (or she) that hath no rule over his
own spirit, is like a city that is broken down, and without walls."

80
NARRATIVE.
gave it
I was invited by an Episcopal Methodist sister, who lived thred
miles distant, in the town of Copley, to come and hold meetings
in her house, which I did, walking half the distance on Saturday
evening, and returning home on Monday morning; and these
meetings were to me, like water to a thirsty soul, and curiosity
led many out to hear. I was much blessed in speaking to them,
and did not grudge my pains, and had reason to think my labor
was not altogether in vain. At my last appointment, it was rainy,
and bad walking; still I intended to go, but my husband insisted
it was too bad, and said so much against it, that I
up,
which gave me such uneasiness that I spent a sleeples night, and
never since think of it without regret, for I was afterwards in.
formed that a very large congregation assembled, coming from
many miles around, and such was their curiosity,
and consequent
disappointment, that many were enraged, and cursed me because
I did not come. I have since been careful to fulfill my appoint-
ments. After this I walked about the same distance, and held
several meetings in Montville, a township cornering on Granger.
Here, also, I had some refreshing seasons, which bore me above
the sneering and contempt of some rowdies who sat in the seat
of the scornful. On one of my appointments here, on my way I
was cautioned by a brother, to prepare and fortify my mind, for
I should probably meet with trouble that day, for a set calling
themselves men, were coming to meeting, with a book full of filth,
and obscene remarks about women. This they were determined
to read in the congregation. But, though with fear and trembling,
I was resolved to go on and see the worst, and trust in God. As
kind Providence would have it, my husband was with me, to pro-
tect me; and Br. Gehiel Porter, and his brother, had, as it were,
stolen away from the Granger Class, and come to our meeting.
Likewise a brother Wilson, a local Preacher from another town.
The house was crowded, and I took for my text, "Men, brethren
and fathers, hear ye my defence, which I make now unto you."
When I had done, class-meeting was announced, and a blessed
one we had, for God was there. Toward the close, several men
came to the door and desired admittance, which was granted.
The foreman had a large book under his arm, and requested the
privilege of reading a section, but the brethren proposed to send

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81
out a committee to examine the book, to this they consented.
But the committee decided it was not fit to be read in private,
much less in public, so they went off defeated, and ashamed.
I heard soon after this, that a Reformed Methodist man was
holding meetings in Montville, so I went to hear him, and learned
by him, that there was a flourishing society of this sect, in Waynes-
burg, Wayne Co., where resided Dr. Cass, president of their con-
ference in Ohio. After this, I wrote a letter, addressed to the
Dri, informing him of my former standing in the State of New
York, and of my present circumstances, and desiring him, or some
of his preachers to visit us. I attended the next appointment in
Montville, and sent my letter by the preacher. I received a let-
ter soon after, from the Dr. informing me that he had a camp-
meeting appointed near his own dwelling, urgently requesting
my husband and myself, to attend. I felt anxious, but my hus-
band thought he could not go. But a day or two before the time,
it came into my mind to make all necessary preparation, for if it
were the will of God that I should go, some way would be open-
ed; accordingly I did so, and on the day previous to the meeting,
a stranger drove up to our gate, hitched his horse and came in,
inquired our name, and informed me that the Dr. having publish-
ed that a female preacher would be there, had sent him thirty
miles to fetch us, least we might not come. My husband at first,
would neither consent to go, nor to let me go. The man tarried
all night, and I made it a matter of earnest prayer. In the morn-
ing he seemed softened, and concluded to let me go with the man,
and after finishing his haying on Friday, on Saturday to come
himself. My eldest daughter was now capable of taking the care
of the family during my absence.
On Thursday morning we started, and the scene before me
proved one of the most important of my life. One grievous
trial I had encountered for the last eight years, was my husband's
opposition to my religious course, and prejudice against the Re-
formed Methodists. He lacked not natural affection for me, but
was of a hasty temperament, and a mind easily swayed by the
opinions of others, and the popular views. Though in the main
a kind husband, he was subject to paroxysms of envy and jealousy
that led him to speak, and act, in a manner that grieved me, and
6

82
NARRATIVE.
almost broke my heart. In the duty of preaching, he encouraged
me at the first, seeing the deep and frequent anguish of my soul;
as he afterwards confessed -he dared not to oppose mė. Yet,
through the influence of prejudiced persons, he was often indif-
ferent and indisposed to render that aid and encouragement which
I needed; and oft had I said, 0, Lord, if thou wilt give me my
husband, to be of one heart and mind with me, I ask no greater
earthly gift. But the time had now come for my captivity (like
that of Job) to be turned; but one more pang of this sort, was
in reserve for me. I rode all day, arriving on the camp ground
just before sunset ; as we entered the inclosure, the elder met us
to whom I was introduced. He treated me in the most respect-
ful manner, took me to his tent, introduced me to his wife, and
various other persons, and ordered supper for me. I felt some-
what embarrassed, being among entire strangers, and it being the
first meeting of such magnitude, where I had been recognised as
a fellow laborer. But when the evening services commenced, I
felt that the Lord was present, and it was to me as the gate of
Heaven. On Friday evening they enjoined me to speak, which I
did, from these words: “She hath done what she could.” After
meeting closed, I heard some saying, “She did well for herself,
we hope she will do something for us.”
On Saturday my husband came with his team, bringing his
brother, Joseph Hickcox, and his brother-in-law, N. Spencer, with
him. The Elder took great pains to make them easy and com-
fortable, had them eat at his own table, and after evening service,
took them into the preacher's tent and gave them lodging. I slept
in the tent of the man who came after me. But about eleven
o'clock, it being very dark, my husband came and spoke to me,
saying get up and dress yourself, I am going home. I tried to
expostulate with him, and begged to know what had happened,
but could get no answer, except that he would not stay here to
be imposed upon in this way. I went into the tent and requested
the brother to go for the Elder, which he did, and he quickly came,
and with his soothing and conciliating manner, soon drew from
him the reason, which was as follows: Some of the preachers
being ignorant of what the Dr. had done in relation to their lodg-
ing, found them in bed in the preacher's tent, and thinking them

NARRATIVE.
83
rowdies and intruders, bade them to get up and be off with
themselves. This was more than the high spirit of my husband
could brook, especially from a despised and deformed sect. The
elder rebuked the preachers, but all apologies and persuasions
nearly failed to divert him from his purpose of going home im-
mediately. At length he consented to wait till morning, and the
elder got them to bed again in the preachers' tent. In the
morning, his anger being abated, to accommodate our feelings, he
concluded to remain until after the forenoon service. The elder
made an arrangement to have me speak first, and himself imme-
diately follow, saying: “The curiosity of the people (multitudes
were present,) is so great to hear you, that it will do no good for
me to attempt first to preach to them.” At the appointed hour,
in company with two or three other females, led by my husband,
I ascended the stand. I felt great freedom in prayer, after which,
at my request, the elder told the people, that if they wished
to hear me, they must draw near the stand, as my voice
was weak. Immediately they rushed forward with such haste,
that (the ground being dry,) the dust flew far above their
heads. As soon as I named my text, which was: “Though I
preach the Gospel, I have nothing to glory of, for necessity is
laid upon me, and woe is me if I preach not the Gospel.” A
flood of light seemed poured upon it, all the time I was speak-
ing. The thoughts I uttered flowed so freely and were
much above my ordinary thoughts, that I seemed to be carried in
a chariot of fire, and nothing could exceed the attention and
eagerness with which I was listened to. Eyes, ears and mouths
were open, and the tears ran down many a brawny face, for God
was preaching, though through a feeble instrument.
As soon as
I ceased and took my seat, one of the sisters in the stand arose
and exhorted with power; and as in olden time, the glory of the
Lord filled the temple, so that the priests could not stand to min-
ister. So the glory of God seemed to fill the ground, and an
awful solemnity rested on all present; many hard hearts melted,
and tears flowed throughout the encampment. The saints shout-
ed aloud for joy, and my soul was so overwhelmed with the
divine presence, that it seemed almost more than I could bear;
and Satan came in the midst of my joy, and said, you are going
SO

84
NARRATIVE:
to die, therefore God has given you this. It caused a damp to
my feelings for a moment, by diverting my thoughts from God
to myself. But I said: “Lord, if Thou art about to take me
from earth, Thy will be done, only be with me, as now Thou árt,
and I fear not death.” After the excitement had abated, the
elder preached, and when the service closed I perceived that my
husband's heart was so touched, that no small sum could have
hired him to leave the place that night. All that day and night
the meeting continued to be favored with the outpourings of the
Spirit, and many were hopefully converted. At the close of the
meeting on Monday, the elder took up a collection, amounting to
a little less than two dollars, which he almost forced upon us,
and we were astonished at his urgency; but afterwards the mys-
tery was explained, as follows: A Methodist minister and his
wife, who the year before were on Granger circuit, were this
year on Wayne circuit, (and, as we supposed, hearing of the
female preacher and her name,) said they were acquainted with
us, and that we were very poor people. The Doctor supposed
from the report, that we were living in abject poverty. This was
by no means true. Though not rich, we were fed with food con-
venient for us, and by the grace of God, may we so live, that
bigotry and the enemies of the Cross may have no worse thing
to say of us, in truth, than that we are very poor. My husband
was now convinced that it was his duty to withdraw from the
M. E. church, and go with me in promoting reform. He accord-
ingly asked for a letter of withdrawal, but though there was
nothing against his moral character, he did not obtain one; nev-
ertheless, he considered himself withdrawn.
brother, formerly resident in Canandaigua, did the same. Two
men, formerly Reformers, lived near us, who desired us to open
meetings, which we did; and the young man before mentioned,
and two mulattoes, with their wives, attended with us. Soon one
— wife of one of the two brothers, was converted. We
all came to the conclusion that it was dur privilege and our duty
to unite in a band; and, therefore, we all set our names on paper,
and covenanted to serve God in the best manner we knew how;
to meet once a week, if possible, and to watch over each other,
and pray daily for the prosperity of the cause of Christ. Sur-
Another young
woman

NARRATIVE,
85
rounded as we were, by bigoted professors, and the prejudice
previously fixed in the public mind, we contented ourselves with
holding prayer-meetings, with the liberty of speaking, as we
might be moved. Our colored brethren and sisters seemed to
get into the work, and were a help to us; and it was on their
account that we were dignified with the name of “the black so-
ciety.” We took the name of Reformed Methodists, and applied
to the Conference to send us preaching. Accordingly they took
us into a circuit, and gave us preaching; but such was the preju-
dice which prevailed, that the people would not turn out, and we
had sermons worthy of thousands of hearers, preached in our
house to from eight to a dozen persons.
Soon after this, my husband traded farms with a man, and we
removed a mile and a half, to the southwest corner of Granger,
which brought us into the immediate neighborhood of my hus-
band's parents, two brothers, and a brother-in-law. After our
removal, we continued our meetings on the Sabbath, Laving cir-
cuit preaching on week-day evenings, once in four weeks, and
had refreshing seasons from the presence of the Lord. Though
our number was small, and we lived remote from each other, and
our prosperity as a sect, (so far as outward appearances were con-
cerned,) were dark, indeed, yet we knew the battle was not always
to the strong, nor the race invariably to the swift; and that the
Lord said: “It is not by might nor by power, but by my spirit.”
“The lot is cast into the lap, but the whole disposal thereof is
from the Lord.” There were some two or three brethren of the
Free-will Baptist denomination, and one or two Presbyterians,
who thought it a privilege to meet with us on the Sabbath. But
our parents and brothers, living within sight, still being members
of the M. E. Church, and still bound to go up to Jerusalem to
worship,” or (in their own language,) to their own meetings, pre-
ferred to start early, and beat their slow course with oxen and
wagon, some four miles, to their meeting-house. Sometimes it
so happened that it was not convenient to do so, and they at-
tended with us. On these occasions the Lord seemed particularly
to bless and refresh all present, as if he would have them under-
stand that they need not go to Jerusalem, but worship Him in
spirit and in truth ; and after a fair trial, they frankly confessed,

86
NARRATIVE.
that they had better meetings at home than(with all their trouble)
abroad. In the meantime sin abounded. On the Sabbaths,
blooming youths and men of ripe years, shouldering their guns,
would start for the forest. Others made it a day of idleness and
sport, and there was great profanity. Two of our sons and two
daughters were now grown to men and women's estate, and, par-
taking of the popular views, seemed to despise our weak endeav-
ors for the reformation of themselves and the neighborhood. But
all thanks to the Lord, the opposition was not against me alone,
but my husband was with me; and fully did I realize that “two
are far better than one,” for counsel or for fight. Whenever we
attempted to speak to any of them about the concern of their
souls, they would say: “See how these pretended Christians
hate one another. They will not worship God together. Every
sect thinks they are right, and all the rest wrong. They are con-
tinually speaking ill of each other, and we do not believe that
they are any better than ourselves. Thus our efforts seemed
abortive, and must, indeed, have continued so, if this state of
things had not been, in a great measure, reversed in our neighbor-
hood. But thanks be to God, the spirit of liberality so far pre-
vailed with our preachers, together with the Free-will Baptist
minister who labored among us, that they joined their labors in
a protracted meeting; and two kinds of Methodists, Free-will
Baptists, and Presbyterian Christians loved one another well
enough to worship God and labor together. This was the thing
wanted, and sinners were convicted and converted. A great so-
lemnity rested on every mind, and all that came to the
meeting seemed to be powerfully struck with a sense of the pres-
ence and power of God, and were melted into tenderness. Our
meetings were not noisy, but solemn and heart-melting; and for
fourteen days and nights, more and more came forward to the
altar of prayer, and more or less, every day and night, entered
into the liberty of the children of God.
There was a settlement of English people near us, who had
recently come from England, and as they were mostly professors,
they came and gladly joined with us. On two or three of the
last days, the ministers, like true yoke-fellows, joined in baptiz-
ing the converts, and inviting each of them into his fold. Some

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87
went to one fold and some to another. To our number, including
the English brethren, were added twenty souls. Among them
were our four oldest children, one of my husband's brothers and
wife, another brother's wife, and a sister and her husband. Great
was our joy to see the change in our neighborhood, for whereas
there had been among perhaps twenty families, but three or four
who worshipped God in a family capacity, not more than that
number could now be found who did not. My father and moth-
er-in-law, as they gradually became more liberal in their feelings,
and were convinced beyond a doubt, that God loved other Chris-
tians besides those called Episcopal Methodists, and that they
ought to be accepted and loved by themselves, yet often remarked,
that as they had been members of the M. E. church fifty years
they could not be induced to leave it, though sensible of their
general declension from spirituality, and tendency to illiberality.
But they were now unexpectedly brought to a test of the liber-
al sentiments they had often expressed in the hearing of their
children since the meeting commenced, while their children de-
layed uniting with us, evidently waiting for their parents, who
had so earnestly labored for their conversion, and shared so largely
in the spirit and blessings of the united effort. They saw that,
for their children's sake, it was their duty, and accordingly united
with our sect, and all their children followed except two, who
remained in the old church. Thus, the parents, seven children,
and four grand-children, were arrayed under the banner of the
Reformed Methodist church. contains ontoe beson
ali yeyond vildienoges about doosi todito
Holt Todos los diente
to dostanou plontos bofurtido digoda vo V
nd CHAPTER X VII.
ATTENDANCE AT A CAMP-MEETING IN WAYNESBURGH, WAYNE CO.,
OHIO, ON THE OLD CAMP-GROUND ; SORE TRIAL AND TEMPTATION
ADDITIONAL TRIAL AND ANXIETY ON MY HUSBAND'S ACCOUNT ;
HIS CONVERSION TO THE TEMPERANCE REFORM
OUR LABORS, SANGUINE HOPES AND FLATTERING PROSPECTS SUD-
DENLY DISAPPOINTED AND WITHERED BY SICKNESS IN THE FAMILY,
AND DEATH OF MY HUSBAND AND SON.
og bar
One
year after the camp-meeting in Waynesburgh, before do-
ACCOUNT OF

88
NARRATIVE.
scribed, we attended another on the same ground, and, as was
natural, with expectations somewhat sanguine. But my heav-
enly Father saw it needful for me there to experience tempta-
tions and trials of faith, exceeding all I had met with before.
They insisted on my preaching, and though quite indisposed, I
dare not refuse, for fear of doing wrong. The people manifested
considerable interest and parade, which tended to depress me
still more, as I feared they would be disappointed. However, a
text presented itself, with some light, and with all my heart I
endeavored to sacrifice self on the cross, and trust in God to give
the needful strength and liberty. At the hour for preaching,
accompanied by my husband and some sisters, I ascended the
stand. After singing and prayer, I mentioned my text, com-
menced talking, and proceeded awhile with my usual liberty,
while a wide field of ideas were open before me. But on a sud-
den all was dark. I could say no more, and sat down, whilst one
of the preachers took up the subject and proceeded with it. But
now I was so tempted, and so horrible and frightful were the im-
ages which Satan presented to my view, that I could stay no
longer. I left the stand, and retired behind it, to the wood. I
fell on my face on the ground, and steeping the earth with tears,
in the deepest anguish of my soul, I cried,“O, Lord, what shall I
say? Why, 0, why is it thus with me ?" Then again was I
tempted to murmur against God, and think he dealt harshly with
me, and to look with envy upon the mass of my sex, who could
go and come in quiet, and enjoy themselves and the labors of
others, without such responsibility. I strove with my might
against the Tempter, nor dared to harbor the thought. But so
many evil thoughts obtruded themselves upon me, that it seemed
as if I was surrounded by epil spirits, and the suggestion that
God had forsaken me, and they were about to take me away bod-
ily, was so strong, and seemed so much a reality, that I cried re-
peatedly: “O, Lord, leave me not in their power,” some of the sis-
ters gathered around me, and in vain, tried to comfort me. O,
then, so great was the torture I endured, I could have prefered
strangling to life. After a long while, they led me, faint and
exhausted, to my tent. It seemed that every countenance wore
a frown, and every twig of the forest bent itself against me. In

NARRATIVE.
89
short, a settled melancholy threatened to drown my Spirit, which
lasted several weeks; but I gradually rose above it, and found
the Spirit pressing me to duty as before ; and though I have spoken
with different degrees of liberty, I have not since experienced a
like trial. At first, in regard to it, I walked in the darkness of
mystery, and had no light, but as He bade me, by the Prophet, I
endeavored to trust in the Lord, and stay myself upon my God.
I have
since thought I saw some reasons why the Lord dealt thus
with me. One of which was, I had depended so much on impul-
sive aid in speaking, that I perhaps did not sufficiently ascertain
the use of the powers God had given me. This idea is illustrated
by the dealings of the Eagle with her young. Before they are
sufficiently fledged to fly, she takes them on her wings, and bears
them aloft in the air; but when they are fledged, and their wings
grown, she bears them up, then darts from under them, forcing
them to use their own pinions until they become accustomed
thereto. Another reason perhaps, was, that many flattering things
had been said to me, more than I was sensible of. And, had I
always had the same liberty and power I sometimes had in speak-
ing, I should have received more adulation than I could have borne.
The Lord knows us better than we know ourselves, and suits His
remedies precisely to the disease,
There was still one thing concerning my husband, which caused
me some anxiety, and excited my fear in his behalf. The tem-
perance question had been agitated in Granger, and one or two
lecturers had discussed the subject, but partially. A society was
formed, to which I attached my name; but we lived remote from
it, and I neither heard nor read much on the subject, and a sense
of its importance had so far worn off my mind, that to please my
husband, I had merely tasted the morning beverage, but never
without feeling a check of conscience, knowing that he had a lik-
ing to it, acquired by its use from infancy, and considered it in-
dispensable in haying, harvesting, &c.; and tho' not a drunkard
habitually, yet had I seen that he was in danger of the fell de-
stroyer. One day a devoted temperance man brought in a book
composed of temperance papers, stitched together, and laid them
on the mantle piece, and went out. I had the curiosity to take
them down and read them; they were the first temperance pa-

90
NARRATIVE.
pers I had seen; and as I read, every word carried conviction to
my soul. I saw that I had been asleep on this subject, while my
family were exposed to imminent danger,and while, by precept and
example, I ought to have been using my influence to save them.
And how did I regret having tasted the poisoned cup, which might
one day prove fatal to some of my family. I resolved at once, to
take a decided stand in favor of temperance. Accordingly, the
next morning, when the morning beverage was offered, I refused
to taste, and thinking it a good opportunity, (as my family were
all present,) I told them I had a confession to make to them all;
and with great seriousness I said: "I have signed the temperance
pledge, and in so doing, I promised to abstain wholly from intox-
icating liquors as a beverage. I have tasted it, I have done wrong
in so doing — I have no excuse - I want you to forgive me, and
henceforth I will deny myself, and refrain from it.” My husband
seemed surprised, and not very well pleased; it passed off for
that time, but I stood firm, and endeavored on all proper occasions
to show my decision on this subject; though for a while, it seemed
of little use, for in my presence he would join the enemies of the
temperance cause, in treating it with ridicule, and in the general
cry that they — the temperance people — want to run it into pol-
itics — they want to unite church and state, &c.; and seemed
more embittered against them than before, until one cold day in
December, when with his two oldest boys, he was butchering,
towards night he was more overcome with what he had drank,
than I had ever known him to be. The boys were grieved and
provoked, that their father had no more command over himself.
But I bade them say nothing, and when he was over it, I would
have a talk with him. Accordingly, the next morning I said to
him, “My dear husband, you look very pale; you had a hard day's
work yesterday ; your constitution is already broken by hard
labor, and by exposure to heat and cold; I hope you will do noth-
ing to hasten your dissolution, to leave in widow-hood and orphan-
age, the family for whom you have done and suffered so much." I
then enquired if he did not think that even the least quantity of
spirituous liquor was injurious to his health. He did not an-
swer, but I assured him I thought it was, and that although I be-
lieved he enjoyed a measure of religion, I believed God would

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91
more abundantly bless him if he would consent totally to abstain
from it. To all this he made no reply. I strove to extort a
promise to this effect, but could not; I then said, “I have no
doubt if you continue its use, it will shorten your days, for I can
see that it hurts you ;" I then asked the privilege of resuscitating
our vinegar with what remained in the house; to this he consen-
ted, and joyfully was it done; and from this time, he brought no
more into the house; and that summer he raised a barn, and per-
formed all his farm work for the first time, without it; though
a man who professed religion, but a foe to the temperance reform,
called him a fool for so doing. Still, he persisted in declaring that
he never would sign a temperance pledge, and when in the
company of the enemies of the temperance movement, would
join in ridiculing those engaged in it; and when traveling, partook
of the social glass, until on the next December, when about to
start on a journey to Pittsburgh, as I tied on his neck-handker-
chief, I said to him, "Now my dear,supposing you should try the
experiment this journey, of taking no drink stronger than water,
or a cup of coffee, and food to warm you when cold, and rest you
when tired, and see if you do not return in better health than
when you take anything stronger. He replied, "you need not
say anything to me on that subject. I know better than any one
else what I need when traveling, and I know how to take care of
myself.” So saying, he mounted his wagon, put whip to his
horses, and drove off. I stood gazing after him, until he disap-
peared in the distance, and earnestly commended him to the spe-
cial care of our Heavenly Father. He was gone one week. When
he returned, I observed that he looked very pale, and had a hand-
kerchief bound around his head. I asked no questions, lest I
might elicit disclosures he might not wish to make, but lastened
the warm meal for him; and when we were alone, he said: "E.
I have something I wish to tell you, and wish to ask
your advice."
On my inquiring what he wished to tell me, he related as follows:
“On the day I started from home, I drove on without stopping
until half an hour before sunset, when I stopped at an inn to wa-
ter my team, warmed a little, took a glass of brandy, and drove
on, intending to put up five miles ahead. I had not rode far, be-
fore I felt severely what I had drank, and in the dusk of evening,
"

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NARRATIVE.
one fore wheel of my wagon fell suddenly into a deep rut and
threw me off my seat, and my head struck against the frozen
bank beside the road. The blow stunned me, and how long I lay
insensible I know not, but when I came to myself, my horses
stood still ; I felt I was badly hurt, knew not whether I could
proceed on my journey; what I had drank had been the cause;
all I had said against the temperance reform came rushing to my
mind, and I saw plainly, that in fighting against it, I had been
fighting against God. I fell on my knees and solemnly promised
God, if he would spare my life, and bring me safely home, I would
confess my sin to all, forsaking it forever, and sign the temperance
pledge. What I want your advice in, is this; as the circumstan-
ces above related, are known only to God and to ourselves, would
you advise me to confess them in public?” I told him, I thought
it quite sufficient to avow in public the change in his mind in re-
gard to the temperance reform, and sign the pledge, which he did,
and became a warm advocate of the cause.
My dear husband during the remainder of his life, which was
one year, felt anxious to redeem the time, and build up
the cause
he had once thought it his duty to pull down. He gave all he
could to supply ministers, and means, and carried me nearly
every Sabbath in different directions, some eight or ten miles, to
hold meetings, which he often closed with singing and prayer, and
appeared to enjoy much of the divine presence and blessing.
As our children were competent to preside at home, and we
possessed means to travel, and my husband was disposed to do
so, I thought my way open to labor in my Master's vineyard, which
I had long wished for, and anticipated much happiness, and hoped
to be more abundantly useful in so doing.
In September, 1836, we visited the towns of Canaan, Milton,
and Waynesburg, holding meetings in each place. At Waynesburg,
we were met by two or three preachers, one of them preached
on Saturday evening; he dwelt on the delightful subject of the
resurrection of the Just, in such a manner that my rapture of
joy was great. I spoke on Sunday at ten o'clock to a crowded
house. In the morning early, these words were pressing on my
mind. James' last Chapter; “Confess your faults one to another,
and pray one for another, that yemay be healed.” I spoke to the

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93
best of my ability, but as I thought, poorly enough, having but little
liberty of speech, and when I closed, I was surprised by a preach-
er, and elder, who was very prominent among us, getting up and
making an humble confession of his want of meekness and forbear-
ance, and often being, guilty of unseriousness, and rash judgment,
declaring that the subject and passages quoted in the discourse,
had searched him out of every lurking place,and fixed his resolution
to reform. This was the Lord's doings, and marvelous in my
eyes. After the meeting closed; á sister sitting by me, pointed
to my husband, saying : “how I love that man, because he carries
you around to hold meetings ;” but, little did we think how near
his work was done. On the second Sabbath in October, our quar-
terly meeting was in session in our own neighborhood. On Sab-
bath evening, we all attended the meeting except our youngest
children, three little boys, Hosea, 13 years old; Reuben, 11, and
James 9; as the meeting held until late, the little boys became
sleepy and retired to bed. Behind their bed was a window which
looked out on a well, covered with a large platform of plank.
The elder boy lay at the backside, the youngest next, and Reuben
at the foreside of the bed. Before he laid down, looking out at
the window, he desired Hosea to rise up and behold what he saw
on the well platform before the window. Hosea rose up and
looked, but could see nothing. Reuben expressed surprise that
he could not see it. Hosea inquired what he saw; he answered
that he did not know, unless it was an angel ; it looked as mother
said angels did, very bright, and white, with long wings, &c.-
I relate the simple story, as the boys related it to me after we
came home, and leave the reader to make his, or her, own com-
ment upon it, and to imagine if they can, what their ideas would
have been, had they been in my place, when two months after,
that dear child was called away by death. Our oldest son had
lost his enjoyment in religion, and become backslidden, and when
spoken to on the subject, said he thought there was no need of
so much ado about religion ; to be moral, and live as well as he
could, he believed was sufficient for salvation. Toward the last
of October, he was taken with the billious fever; when he became
very sick, he began to be concerned for his soul; he desired a
prayer meeting, and while the people were praying for him, he

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NARRATIVE.
began to pray for himself. In a few minutes he began to rejoice
and praise God for pardoning mercy. After meeting we asked
him what he thought now about morality. O, said he, morality
without faith, will not answer at all. He continued very happy,
and soon recovered. About the same time, Joanna Beebe, a pious
young woman, sick with consumption, lay on her death bed, next
door to us. In the meetings held with her, she prayed upon her
bed, and testified that the religion she chose when in health, she
found sufficient to support her in sickness. On the night before
her death, there was a terrific hailstorm, which, it was thought,
hastened her exit. The next morning, her sister said to her, Jo-
anna,
do
you know that your tongue and finger nails are turned
purple ? I know it, said she, and I rejoice in it. In a few min-
utes she expired. My husband and myself, attended her funeral,
November 15th. In her smiling corpse seemed shadowed forth
the happy state of the departed spirit.
On Saturday, November 20th, we rode to a neighborhood near
Akron, and on Sunday at ten o'clock, I spoke to a large congre-
gation, in the name of the Lord, and again in the evening ; after
which, all the night, I was very happy in mind, but much afflicted
in body. Next day we returned home, and I was confined by an
attack of bilious fever. I thought, perhaps, my work on earth,
was finished; but my mind was serene and clear, and I had no
fear of death. But the disease gave way under the power of
medicine, and I began to recover. Before I could sit up, our two
youngest boys came from their school, sick; and the Dr. (Rev.
Dr. How) being present, said they were attacked with the same
fever; and on the next day, my husband, and second daughter,
Hannah, 15 years old, were taken with the same disease. Little
James soon reco
ecovered, but my Reuben Sen., and Reuben Jun.,
and Hannah, sank into the low typhoid, and on Friday Dec. 16th,
I
kneeled beside my dear boy, to commend his departing spirit
to God who gave it. I received strength in that hour of trial,
to resign my darling child, and acknowledge that the Lord had a
prior right to him. On Saturday, his remains were carried out
to be interred. The sickness of the family, and the shortness of
the day, forbidding a funeral; but a brother prayed with us, and
such unction and power attended his prayer for the young wo-

NARRATIVE.
95
man's life to be spared, that I felt it was a prayer of faith, and
would be granted, although the Dr. had said that morning, that
they had no hope of her ; but for my husband, they thought his
disease very manageable, and could speak encouragingly. On the
next day, under the operation of an emetio, my husband sank,
and appeared to be dying. Dr. How said, Br. Hickcox, I think
you will soon leave us ; are you willing ? He said, I am ready
to go, if it be the Lord's will. However, by stimulous, they
raised a pulse, and by repeating it, kept him up, until Friday af-
ternoon, when he so revived, that stimulous was no longer neces-
sary. He sat up, was shaved, and shirted, and our friend had
hopes of his recovery. But alas ! on the next morning, it ap-
peared it was but the harbinger of death. He died on Saturday
at one o'clock. In nearly his last words he said, smiling : now
I want to go, thank the Lord.' I found as before, my feeble body
and mind, wonderfully sustained under my deep affliction ; and,
although denied the much desired consolation of funeral services,
I was enabled cheerfully to acquiesce in the Divine will, and the
judgment of our neighbors and friends. And after seeing my
nearest earthly friend interred beneath the surface of the earth,
I returned to watch alone with my sick daughter, whose life
seemed hanging, as it were,on a spider's web - all the neighbors
being worn out with watching — I felt a mother's pity and com-
passion, for this dear child, as she had from infancy, been the
greatest sufferer among my children ; and this was the third time
she had been afflicted within an inch of life, within two years ;
once with a disease called the shingles; then with the small
pox,
and now the typhoid fever. She still continued between life and"
death, for two weeks, and then began slowly to recover; and by
the first of March, was able to walk alone. I felt my bereavement
sensibly, and the additional weight of cares. But in respect to
my dear husband, I had much to comfort me. I thought I had
endured great mental suffering on his account. I felt it had not
been in vain, and that when to outward appearance, I made little
or no impression, I was exerting a powerful influence on a mind,
perhaps as hard to be influenced in the right direction, as most
minds. This he acknowledged not long before his death. He
said to me: “E., I know not what would have become of me, if

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NARRATIVE.
it had not been for you; (alluding I supposed, to reform in reli-
gion and temperance.) But ah, (he continued) if you had not
carried a steady hand, you never had won me. This I mention
not out of vanity, -- for all the praise to God be given — but for
the sake of husbands and wives, who are, or may be placed in
like circumstances. For says St. Paul, “ how knowest thou, 0,
man, whether thou shalt save thy wife, or how knowest thou, 0,
woman, but thou shalt save thy husband.” A steady adherence
to the right, or firmness in duty, with meekness, patience, and
forbearance, under opposition, persecution and affliction, is the
surest way to win the opposing party to the way of wisdom ; and
woe to that husband or wife, who have not in all they do and
say, a reference to the salvation of their partner, as well as to
their own.
'Tis true there are exceptions, but me thinks, by
perseverance in such a course, many more might be won to wis-
dom, and christ, and heaven, than are.
CHAPTER XVIII.
EFFECTS ON MY MIND ON THE CHANGE IN MY CONDITION, AND OF
VARIOUS TRIALS AND OPPOSITION AND CONFINEMENT ; DECLEN-
SION OF RELIGION IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD - UNION OF THE RE-
FORMED METHODIST CHURCH WITH THE PROTESTANT METHODISTS,
AND ALL TAKING THE NAME OF
66
PROTESTANT METHODISTS
DEMOLITION OF THE PROTESTANT CLASS TO WHICH I BELONGED;
REASONS FOR NOT UNITING WITH ANOTHER REFLECTIONS ON
THE SECTARIAN STATE OF THE CHURCHES ; STATE OF MY MIND
WHILE UNCONNECTED WITH ANY SECT — VISIT TO NEW YORK;
WORK, TRIAL AND TEMPTATION WHILE THERE.
Being left with a small estate and a large family, my husband
dying without a will or testament, I severely felt the injustice
and inequality of the existing laws in regard to females in the
distribution of property. The fees exacted by officers in the
settlement of the estate, and our doctor's bill, with various other

NARRATIVE.
97
matters, were perplexing; and not till now had I realized how
much I had leaned on and trusted in an arm now mouldering in
the dust, or conceived of the change his absence would make.
Yet in my family, for awhile, things went on harmoniously. My
eldest son was joint administrator with me, and took off much of
the burden. My four eldest children were professors of religion,
and took their turns in family worship. These seasons occasioned
a rest and solace to my mind, and I rejoiced that, like saints in
olden time, I had a church in my own house. But in the
course
of time there cảme over the neighborhood a spiritual dearth.
The men became too worldly to spend time, as formerly, in meet-
ing once a week for social prayer. The women met for awhile,
but through worldly-mindedness, or some other cause, their
meetings were without much interest, and gradually declined.
In the winter, when the farmers had not much to do, they
ren-
deavored to wake up and buckle on their armor, and renew their
hostility against the Kingdom of Darkness. But their armor and
weapons had become so rusty, and their expertness in using them
so diminished, that it took the whole season to wear them bright
and recover the injury sustained. So, on the whole, little
done, and every year their ranks were thinned, by some déserting
the army, some dying, and some moving away. My children
took of the general declension, and some of them refused to take
part in family devotion, such means becoming wearisome to them.
Partaking of the prejudice so generally prevailing against female
activity in religious duties, especially in public, and no other wo-
man being so active as their mother, within the bounds of their
knowledge, in proportion as their views became carnal, became
my opposers; and the younger brother thought that, inasmuch
as the care of the family devolved, in a great measure, on the
elder, we had better humor his feelings and drop family
prayer, and as I had to struggle on alone, against constant oppo-
sition, I at length did so; but I felt some bitter pangs of sorrow,
(though not of guilt,) and scrupulous fears. But the Lord so
manifested His love, as to allay my fears and comfort my
heart.
He filled the painful vacuum therein; yea, I was permitted to
sit under His shadow, with great delight, and His fruit was sweet
to my taste. Still I felt my confinement, and like a caged bird,
I languished for liberty and action.
i was
par-

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NARRATIVE.
About this time the Protestant Methodists sent a committee to
visit the Reformed Methodists, to ascertain how near the two
churches agreed. The result was, that they united under one
head in Ohio, and took the name of Protestant Methodists. But
the religious diminution continued till there were but three mem-
bers left: an Englishman and wife, and myself. The English,
having been set off in a class by themselves, these two united
with their countrymen, which left me alone. Having by reading
and hearing become acquainted with the cruelty, injustice and
enormity of slavery, and the connection of various denomina-
tions with it, (the Protestant Methodists among the rest,) Ishud-
dered at the thought of belonging to, or in any way helping to
support or build up any sect or church, that aided in building up
such a system of abomination. I therefore made no move toward
uniting with any other class of Protestant Methodists. At length
inquiry was made concerning me, by the circuit preacher, why
I stood thus, and I frankly told him my reasons. He insisted,
however, that the Ohio Conference was anti-slavery, and had
adopted sundry strong resolutions against the abomination, for the
truth of which, he appealed to the president, who sat by; but he
said the resolutions were not exactly anti-slavery, though many
of the members were so, and the annual Conference passed ultra
resolutions, yet the general Conference could veto its action. I
told them that I felt opposed to them, because they were not
only silent on this subject, but preached against those who were
opposed to it.
Thus for a
I remained out of all churches ; but I
felt not as an animal without air, or a fish out of water. Indeed
I realized but little change, except deliverance from a certain un-
easiness which I felt while a member of a pro-slavery church. I
felt as much bound to serve God and try to be useful to my fel-
low creatures, as at any period of my life. I enjoyed the same
fellowship with Christians, wherever I found them; and if I
found any who would shut me out from communion and privileg-
es with them, I knew it was their fault, or their mistake; for all
the means of grace belong to all God's children, with all the
privileges of his house or church, and none of them can be intru-
ders there. In short, I felt free, and none can be more untram-
toio bora
few years

NARRATIVE.
99
meled than those who have no trammels on; and having seen the
bad effects of sectarian preferences and sectional prejudices, and
the divisions of and in the great and universal Church of Christ,
I had serious thoughts that I should remain as I was, unless I
might live to see the day when all God's people should make
common cause in the great work of evangelizing the world, and
all pull one way,-- till the strongholds of Satan should give way
and fall, -“When the watchmen should see eye to eye, and the
Lord should bring again Zion, and gather his flock, which has
been scattered abroad in a cloudy and dark day.” My views
were much enlarged from what they formerly were, of the abso-
lute necessity of a universal Gospel union, and unity of interest
and effort on the part of God's people. It seemed, and still seems
to me, that the day is past when the church must of necessity be
divided into sects of different interests and different names. The
world itself is so far enlightened in respect to her duty of impar-
tial love to all her members, and oneness of interest and labor,
(for the interests of Christ's kingdom and its labors they know
are paramount to all others, with his true friends,) that with her
present divisions and party interests, she stands a stumbling
block before the world. The Saviour prayed that they all might
be one for this end, that the world might know that the Father
had sent Him ;” and never can she get out of the way of sinners
till all her ministers and all her people do as St. Paul, “be-
sought the Corinthian church, by the meekness and gentleness of
Christ,” to do. “So all speak the same thing, there being no
divisions among them.” “But that they be perfectly joined to-
gether in the same mind and in the same judgment.” The divis-
ions which began in the Corinthian church, one declaring I am
of Paul, and another I am of Apollos,” were to prevail of neces-
sity, more or less, till sufficient light was shed on the church as a
whole, to see how to escape from it. That light already shines,
and she has so grown or progressed therein that there are unmis-
takable signs in individuals, both preachers and people, and some
bodies of Christians, that she will throw off her out-grown and
worn-out garments, and assume the purer robe of righteousness;
that she will, through the various reforms, take higher moral
ground, and exchange her narrow, scanty and sectional views, for
66

100
NARRATIVE.
before my
those more extended, enlarged and liberal ; when she will take
off hands from aiding in oppression, and being thoroughly fur-
nished unto all good works, by a thorough knowledge of God's
Holy Word, will stand forth the light of the world, and be no
longer a stumbling-block in the way of her salvation. Thus, to
contemplate and fondly anticipate the certain destiny of the
church, is glorious. But we must not forget that she cannot rise
abstractly, but by her individual preacher's and members, each
independently, boldly and uncompromisingly, following in obedi-
ence to the light they have. Each has a work to do, and each
may contribute a mite toward her rising glory. The completion
of this glorious work I cannot expect to see,
Father
will say to me, as to His servant Daniel : “Go thy way, for thou
shalt rest, and stand in thy lot in the end of the days.” But I
doubt not, happy spirits of departed saints inspect with clearer
vision, and rejoice with greater joy over the good that is doing on
the earth, than those still housed in mortal bodies. Hasten, 0,
Lord, the glorious day !
Four years after the death of my husband I returned to the
State of New York on a visit, feeling that I had there a work to
do, and thinking that when thus freed from worldly concerns, I
should enter heartily into the work of proclaiming the news of
salvation, fearing no Cross, and declining no suffering in my Sa-
viour's cause.
I was gladly received by my eldest daughter, who had preced-
ed me, and my dear and only sister in the flesh, with whom I had
much conversation on the subject of Christian holiness, and who,
to my joy, was seeking, hungering and thirsting after it. I had
some precious and long to be remembered visits with my old
friends and acquaintances, and held one meeting in a school-
house which stood near the ground occupied by the log school--
house, where I held my first public meeting, sixteen years before.
Several of the same hearers were présent, though some were:
fallen asleep in religion; and though many were doubtful, and
others prejudiced against female preachers, there was good order
and attention, and they all treated me respectfully. I perceived
they were much advanced in wealth, generally more aristocratic;
and proportionably cold and formal in religion. I held a few

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101
meetings in different places, and spoke with liberty and great
«comfort to my own soul, and had reason to think my labor was
inot lost on others. At length some Episcopal Methodist breth-
ren and sisters invited me to go with them to their quarterly
meeting on Italy Hill, at the head of the Canandaigua Lake. I
went with the intention, if the way should appear clear, to tarry
after the meeting was over and labor with the people. There
was no presiding elder there, and “ Billy Jones," as the preacher
in charge was familiarly called, presided. He appeared to be
much in the spirit of his work; the brethren were warm-hearted,
and we had truly a refreshing season. This hill, or rather moun-
tain, covered with tall pines and a growth of evergreens, had not
been considered worth cultivation, and hence was but recently
settled, chiefly by poor and humble people, destitute of aristoc-
racy and selfishness, compared with the populous and old settled
towns. They treated me with kindness and liberality. I tarried
with them, and held a meeting on Tuesday at five o'clock, when
I enjoyed a precious season in speaking, and gave another ap-
pointment for the next Sabbath at ten o'clock, and spent the in-
terval in visiting from house to house and conversing with the
people. On Sabbath I preached to a large congregation, whom
curiosity had drawn from the village of Naples and other places
at quite a distance around. The Lord was present, enabling a
weakworm to thrash a mountain ; or through the medium of it,able
to thrash the people Himself. An appointment was requested at
four o’dock, two miles distant, and the brethren agreeing to carry
me thither, I assented ; and a refreshing time we had. When I
had done speaking, an old Simeon, with Christ in his heart, (if
not in his arms,) with his snow white locks, arose and stood
trembling over his staff, thanking God for the fulfillment of his
promise by the prophet Joel, that upon His handmaids, as well
as His servants, he would pour out of his Spirit, and they should
prophesy. He took no offence, though a modern Anna had
prophesied before him, and seemed willing it should be so, as his
Lord was to be spoken of by a woman as well as a man, in the
ancient temple at Jerusalem. Another appointment was re-
quested for Thursday afternoon, between that place and Naples,
to which I agreed, as I intended to visit Naples on my way back

102
NARRATIVE.
to my friends. In the meanwhile I visited from house to house
A man hearing of me, came after me to visit his wife, who was
said to be insane. I did so, and found in her the ruins of a bright
and noble intellect. She was well versed in the Scriptures, and
conversed sensibly upon them, with the exception that she turned
all their threatenings against herself, and in despair, utterly re-
fused to be comforted by their promises, and was wholly incapa-
ble of the care of her family — continually moaning and wringing
her hands in anguish. I was told by her neighbors that the
cause of all this was, that she had believed it to be her duty to
preach the Gospel ; but although of irreproachable life and con-
versation, she had enemies even among professed Christians, who
ridiculed and slandered her, which, together with opposition in
her duty from near friends, threw her reason off the balance.
At my Thursday meeting I had rather a trying time, not hav-
ing much liberty of speech, and seemingly surrounded by those
“who sit in the seat of the scornful.” And Satan paraded himself
on a seat facing me, in the shape of one of my own sex, laughing
and exchanging wry faces with some young people of the same
sort. I finished my discourse, but felt as if no impression had
been made, and was much depressed. In this state of mind I
went down to Naples the next day, uncertain whether I should
attempt to preach or not; and Satan, the Arch-Deceiver, (all of
whose devices I had not yet learned,) told me that if it were the
will of God that I should, he would put it into the heart of the
people to invite me to do so, as they had attended my meeting on
the hill. I called at a house near the village, and was cordially
received and invited to stay with them till Sunday. On that
evening I went to a prayer meeting, and was strongly impressed
to ask the privilege of preaching in the Methodist house the next
Sabbath, as I found there was to be no preaching there; but I
shrank from the cross, and though invited to speak in the prayer
meeting, nothing was said about my preaching. On the next day
(Saturday) quite a number of people assembled at the house
where I was, having heard that I was going to speak there. But
though a messenger came to inform me, and the Spirit bade me
go and speak to them, I shrank from it; but, reader, you may be
sure I was in a bad state of mind, and did not feel very comfort-

NARRATIVE.
103
of me.
able. Still I intended to attend the Methodist class-meeting on
Sunday morning, in the hope that they would invite me to preach
in the afternoon, but no invitation was given. I was impressed
to ask liberty, but cowardice kept me waiting till the opportunity
was past. I slept not that night, but spent the whole of it in
weeping, sometimes on my knees, sometimes walking the room,
and then lying on the bed, being fiercely assaulted by tempta-
tions, for Satan is no comforter to those whom he has led astray,
especially if they try to make their escape from him; but the
more he can plague and torment them, the better. In the morn-
ing my old besetting fear and Bunyan's "Mr. Shame," had fast hold
The Methodist ministers, and the Presbyterian minister
of Naples, were to my apprehension what the giants and the sons
of the Anakims were to the cowardly Jews who were sent to spy
out the goodly land ; I dreaded to see the face of man, and has-
tened to make my escape; although I well knew it was tempta-
tion for the time being, I seemed to have no power to resist. I
walked very fast, nay, almost ran, as if pursued by Satan, and
I was glad when out of sight of the village. I am aware that the
above account is not very creditable to my moral courage, but
it is not the praise of men I seek, but to set up a beacon where I
have encountered danger, and let all behold, by way of contrast,
the different effects of obedience, faith and trust, in a faithful
God, and distrust and disobedience.
I never call to mind the scene above described without the
deepest regret, for I have no doubt but great victories and signal
blessings awaited me, had I been courageous and faithful. As I
entered a piece of wood through which my course led, I observed
some person, far off before me, in the road, maneuvering strange-
ly, walking from side to side of the road, &c. As I drew nearer,
I saw the figure of a man, covered with filthy and ragged clothes,
his beard long, and his hair standing erect, as if it had never been
combed. I hesitated a moment, but seeing no way to get around
him, I concluded that though Satan was behind and before, ask-
ing the protection of Providence, for Christ's sake, I would ven-
ture forward. I passed by unmolested, not seeming to notice
him as he sat by the road side. I was informed that he was an
insane man of the neighborhood. Soon after I reached the resi-

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dence of my sister, my eldest son arrived from Ohio, and in com-
pany with him and my daughter Jane, I took the cars for Buffalo,
and embarked for Cleveland in the steamboat Robert Fulton,
eighteen days after the burning of the Erie. It was a solemn
and awful sight to see a large number of human bodies, floating
like so many pieces of board, on the surface of the water. Seven
bodies were taken up by the Fulton, to be delivered to a steamer
from Buffalo, which had been sent out for the purpose. The
stench was almost intolerable. Well may frail mortals be hum-
ble in view of the just sentence: “Dust thou art, and unto dust
thou shalt return."
CHAPTER XIX.
SAFE ARRIVAL IN OHIO; REFLECTIONS ON THE PAST, AND RESOLU-
TIONS FOR THE FUTURE HUNGER AND THIRST AFTER RIGHTE-
OUSNESS, AND THE RESTORATION OF A CLEAR WITNESS THAT THE
BLOOD OF JESUS CLEANSETH ME; THAT I AM DEAD INDEED UNTO
SIN, AND ALIVI TO GOD THROUGH CHRIST — THE FAITH EXERCIS-
ED, AND ITS EFFECTS; A VISIT TO THE SOUTH AND THE WITNESS
RESTORED A LETTER RECEIVED FROM MY SISTER; A LETTER
I FROM MY AUNT - A VISIT TO WAYNESBURG — A VISIT TO PENN-
LAGRANGE — TRIAL UPON HEARING A SERMON ON
BPRIDE TRIAL 0]
ON ATTENDING A PROTRACTED MEETING AT ME-
FIELD AND
DINA.
On the 4th of September we arrived safe at home, thankful for
our escape from the railroad and the deep, and to find our chil-
dren and friends in health, and rejoiced to see us. While I re-
called the scenes of my late visit, I found cause for deep humility
before God, and most earnestly to pray that I might duly profit
by the lessons to be learned from them ; for, like St. Peter, I had
entertained too high a notion of my own courage and constancy
in my Saviour's cause, and having like him proved false, like him
I wept bitterly. I had new and fresh proof that by Him. I was

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105
called, and that He was all my strength and sufficiency, and with-
out him I could do nothing ; that I could not have Him and His
ajd, but in obedience to Him, in the leadings of His gentle Spirit,
and by thus fearing Him who can kill and cast into hell, and Him
alone, can we not triumph over the fear of man, and vanquish
our spiritual foes ? Several years had elapsed since I had enjoyed
a clear witness and felt the application of the all-cleansing blood
of Jesus to my full satisfaction, although in the afflictions I had
passed through, I thought I perceived the fruits of my former
faith and experience in patience, long-suffering, resignation to the
Divine will, &c. But now did I feel an urgent and absolute ne-
cessity of all the faith and grace I ever possessed, and more
abundantly, as I still was resolved, by grace, to do my Master's
will, and wage fresh war with sin and Satan, and most earnestly
desired to be of some little use to my fellow beings. Satisfying
grace was indispensable; I therefore set myself to seek after God
in great earnest, knowing that what I wanted was promised in
His Word, and His servant Paul had prayed for it, and declared
that He was faithful who had called and would do it. I knew
that I might look to outward means in vain ; I could be a co-
worker only by faith, as the Saviour had declared :
“ He that
believeth on me hath everlasting life;" and, “ This is the work of
God, that ye believe on Him whom He hath sent.” I understood
all I felt my need of, to be implied in the words: “I will give
you rest.” This is the same rest of faith which Paul spoke of,
when he said: “He that hath entered into His rest, hath ceased
from His own works,” and to be fully implied in the promise : “I
will circumcise thine heart of stone, and give theean heart of flesh ;
I will sprinkle clean water upon you, and from all your filthi-
ness and idols will I cleanse you.” These promises I looked upon,
especially since the atonement was made by Christ, as signifying
all one thing, and as a note on demand, by that faith which takes
no denial. The power is God's to give - the exercise of faith is
And whenever we feel our pressing need, and come in
earnest to make the demand, in the name of Jesus, it is done;
the debt is paid, and the blessing is ours. But suppose we cannot
know when these promises are fulfilled to us, what good can they
do us? We read in the Scriptures : “We know that we have
ours.

106
NARRATIVE.
>>
An
passed from death unto life," “We know that we are of God,"
&c. How shall we render thanks, the fruit of our lips, to God,
or rejoice in what Christ has done for us, if we do not reap per-
sonal benefits, and unless we know what those benefits are.
officer came to the State prison with a pardon and release for one
of the prisoners, signed by the Governor of the State. He called
the prisoners all before him, informing them of joyful news to
one of them ; but the one that was pardoned felt no more grati-
tude or joy than the rest, till the paper was read, and his name
mentioned; then said an eye witness, “he marched out the hap-
piest man I ever saw. Now, though the blessings of the gospel
are equally free for all who will demand them, they are person-
ally received, and felt and rejoiced in, by every recipient. We
first believe for the pardon of sin. Then as we travel on, from
time to time, we find the need of further grace. Our particular
wants are placed in some clear and definite shape before us, and
we will not rest until we gain the suit, we bring to the throne
of grace. We do not gain it until we believe for it. We do not
now believe for justification from past sins, for that we have al-
ready; but something further we want, and we cannot rest with-
out it. We do not obtain it by a general faith, or abstractly be-
lieving, for all things we may want in the future; but by believ-
ing for the things we want now; and by the aid of the Holy Spirit
we are enabled so to believe as to receive them now, and know
we have them in possession ; then we are satisfied, and the mind
rests in Christ our all in all, until further trials and experiences
reveal further necessities. Then must we come in the same way
again, and seek and find, and know we are prepared to feel happy
in God, and rejoice in him, and live in the spirit of prayer and
praise. Thus for a while I strove to take hold of the promises,
to take God at his word, and so believe as to know I did receive;
but as I always found beforehand, it appeared dark and mysteri-
ous, and when I had obtained, and stood in faith, it appeared
clear and easy. But I pressed my suit with prayers, tears and
wrestling ; crying, I cannot, I will not let thee go, until from time
to time, my flesh;was exhausted ; and as soon as recovered, I re-
newed the struggle, until at length the question arose in my mind,
do I not believe that God is able to do this? Yes. Do I not

NARRATIVE.
107
believe he is willing? Yes. Do I not believe he is willing now?
Yes; for he says, now is the accepted time; and to day, is the
day of salvation. Then I felt there was a change, for I did be-
lieve God, and here I had rest, and peace; but contrary to my
expectation, I had not joy, or very great sensations of gratitude,
or love; and here I remained, without any perceptible change,
for three weeks. The query often arose, has the Lord answered
my prayer, and granted my request, and if I allowed fear or doubt
to arise ? I dreaded a relapse into darkness and unbelief ; and
thus many times I was called to a fresh exercise of my faith, and
cried, I will not doubt; 0, Lord, I will, I do believe; and imme-
diately recovered my rest and tranquility of mind. In this state
of mind, unexpectedly, I took a journey to Homer, Licking Co.
Here in a meeting, I first saw Mrs. Jolliff, a lady from Newark,
New Jersey, whom I perceived to be a person of mature godli-
ness, a good understanding, and well versed in scripture. Anx-
ious for further light, I sought an interview with her, and asked
her many questions relative to advance steps in christian experi-
ence, all of which, she answered to my satisfaction ; and like a
messenger from Heaven, she spoke to my case, though she knew
it not, and the Spirit in power attending her words, brought the
witness to my heart, that the pearl I had earnestly sought, was
mine in possession, and henceforth my business was to hold on to
it by faith. And now I drank deep in joy, and such was my in-
ward rapture, that it was difficult to keep silence from shouting
aloud in praising God, which I wait to be constrained to do, though
I love to hear a full soul give vent to its feelings, when its
cup runs over.
Since then I have lived by faith, being often
through temptation and trial, called to a fresh exercise thereof,
in obedience to the apostle's injunction, I “reckon myself dead
indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through our Lord Jesus
Christ.” In Him by faith I am saved from it at present, yet not
in a sense that precludes temptation or liability to err, or the
possibility of sinning. Yet sin wounds deeper, is more hateful,
more dreaded, more shunned, and I think the more confirmed,
established, and settled in faith and love, the less is the probabil-
ity of our backsliding. Thus I am kept, and hope to be kept "by
the power of God, through faith, unto eternal Salvation."
92

108
NARRATIVE.
Boasting, pride, vanity, are excluded by the law of faith. In-
deed we have nothing to be proud of in this matter, for we have
done nothing but what was our duty, and made no attainment
but what every christian ought to make. 0, brother, sister, in
the Lord, do you want to be steadfast and unmovable, always
abounding in the work of the Lord ? Then believe it is for you;
long for it; expect it; seek after it with determined faith; place
it before you, as a definite object; rest not short of your high
privilege, your bounden duty, that you may be stimulated and
encouraged by the success of others in this glorious enterprise.
I will here introduce a letter received from my sister, and an-
other from my aunt, who is a member of the Baptist Church ;
she is of great experience, doubtless in the scripture sense, a per-
fect Christian; though never having been taught it distinctly, she
has no definite idea of the doctrine of Christian perfection.
agen
CANANDAIGUA, April 5th, 1845.
DEAR SISTER :-I will endeavor in this letter to give you some
account of the gracious dealings of God with me. And first I
would say, the Lord has made you the instrument of good to me
in many ways. I remember the counsel you gave me in spiritual
infancy, and in riper years. And although I have not made the
progress that I ought, I have great reason to praise God for the
advancement I have made in divine life, and his parental care
and goodness manifested in many ways to me. I am filled with
gratitude, when I look at my past unfaithfulness, and his great
mercy to me. I shall however, speak more particularly of what
He has done for me, since I saw you. My mind continued to be
exercised on the subject of perfect love, and my desires to increase
for a full consecration of all my redeemed powers to Christ; and
nothing could satisfy me, but to lose myself in Him, and prove
his utmost power to save. But 0, the depths of corruption! I
saw by the light of His word and Spirit, interwoven with my
whole self, as it were; and what opposition from my spiritual
foe, who opposed me in every step, and disputed every inch of
ground, and raised every objection to drive me from my purpose.
But such was my hungering and thirsting after righteousness,
that I resolved never to give over the struggle, until I found what

NARRATIVE.
109
I felt I so much needed. Thus I continued, alternately hoping
and fearing, sinking and rising, sometimes feeling peace with God,
and the evidence of justification ; at other times buffeted by the
enemy of souls. But still, ever wrestling with God for the bles-
sing. I saw my own weakness and inability to cleanse my own
heart, and my entire dependence on his almighty power to save,
until the latter end of the year 1843, when I read a treatise, en-
titled, “The way to holiness, or the shorter way,” which greatly
encouraged me, by pointing at once to the Lamb of God, and
showing that complete victory is obtained by a simple act of faith,
in the atoning merits of Jesus Christ. Encouraged by the prom-
ises of the gospel, I was enabled to make the sacrifice of soul and
body, and spirit, with all that I possessed; henceforth resolving
to be His, and only His,for time and eternity. Or in other words,
to throw myself upon the great Christian altar, the Lord Jesus
Christ, which sanctifies the gift. For as the Jewish altar, when
made according to, and consecrated by, the ceremonies of the
law, was holy. So Jesus, who is consecrated forevermore, is holy.
And as whatsoever touched the altar was holy, so also whosoever
surrenders all to Christ, is made holy, through His atoning blood.
And now, having abandoned all to Him, He came in and cast out
His foes, the inbred sins, and removed the carnal mind, of which
He gave me such an evidence as excluded every doubt. And hav-
ing emptied me of self, He began to fill me with God; I say be-
gan, for I felt the feebleness of infancy, in this grace; but weak
was,
I was enabled to hang, by simple faith on Jesus, and
trust him for a present salvation from sin. An unwavering con-
fidence in him, kept my soul in perfect peace ; I felt that God
was all my own; 0, blessed portion, what more could I ask. I
was constrained to
say,
this is just what I wanted; I am
conquer-
ed and subdued; I am melted, and cast in a mould of love. I
found my largest desires realized, and my soul satisfied. I saw
an ocean of love, into which I had free access, through Christ;
and when temptation was permitted to try my faith, I found him
a shield sufficient to cover and to defend me against all the fiery
darts of the enemy. I feel that Christ is my wisdom and right-
eousness, and sanctification ; and I am constrained by a sense of
duty, to declare his goodness in public; though it is a cross, and
as I

110
NARRATIVE.
„n so doing, I have been greatly blessed. But I must bring my
letter to a close. Pray for me that I may fulfill all the good pleas-
ure of God's will.
HENRIETTA TREMBLY.
AVTO
LETTER FROM MY AUNT.
CARTHAGE, Athens Co., O., April 22, 1850.
DEAR NIECE :-It was with tears of joy that I read your kind
letter. You need not try to draw from me an account of my
religious experience and trials, and the work of the Spirit on my
heart; my present enjoyments or future hopes and prospects of
happiness and glory. For these, look into the center of your
own heart; for you have expressed them in your letter, better
than I could, and it would be but vain repetition for me to write
them. I do not remember the scenes of our childhood, you speak
of. Yet, I well remember the happy days we spent together, and
it makes you dear to me. But the fact that we are striving to-
gether for the grace of life; fighting under the same glorious
Prince; kneeling at the same mercy seat; enduring the same
trials, rejoicing in the same glorious hope ; watching over, and
feeding the sheep and lambs, of the same flock; encouraging the
same under-shepherds ; warning sinners, and comforting mourn-
ers, as true yoke fellows; and have been from our youth up. Our
trials growing lighter, and the land of “Beulah,” heaving in view,
it makes you many-fold dearer to me. “David” had many friends
that would not forsake him, but followed him in the wilderness
at the risk of their lives. Yet he had but one " Jonathan" and
so it is with us. His friends did all in their power for him, yet
he sighed for Jonathan, that he might unbosom all his joys and
fears, and get a true account of Saul's proceedings. O, my dear
Niece, you and your dear sister, Henrietta, are like Jonathan to
And well do I know, from my own experience, your trials
and temptations, and the many wakeful hours of night spent in
supplication for sinners, and for the prosperity of Zion, or feast-
ing on the precious promises, and communing with the Holy Spirit
of God, who has brought all things to your remembrance. I
cannot express my gratitude to Him who has laid a safe founda-
tion for our hopes, in groans, and agonies, and blood, and will, I
me.

NARRATIVE.
111
trust, number us poor unworthy sinners with the great multitude
which no man could number, who are made Kings and Priests to
God. I could as well number the sands on the sea-shore, as all
his mercies and precious gifts. I can say I am dead to the world,
and it is so to me, with all its pomp and show, and its pleasures.
They are but dung and dross, compared with the glory that shall
be revealed in us.
No more.
Your affectionate Aunt.
CHARLOTTE CARPENTER.
Being anxious to be about my work, and the way opening
providentially, I made a visit to Waynesburg, Wayne county, O.,
in the same neighborhood where the Lord had done great things
for me in time past. But 0, how changed were the people !
Not only had time literally wrought its changes, but a bewitch-
ing world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye,
the pride
of life and the deceitful Tempter, had wrought great moral
changes upon many of the brethren and sisters, once so full
of faith, love and humility. A desire to emulate the rich and
aristocratic, had left those qualities at the Saviour's feet, and got
their thoughts upon the barren mountain of pride and unbelief.
And that good man, the elder, who presided at the camp-meeting
in this place, before mentioned, was evidently not the man he
had been, though he still preached; but being a skilful physician
of the body, and there being much sickness, he had, by following
his lucrative business, accumulated riches, and lost his skill
in the cure of souls. I held a few meetings there in the Protest-
ant meeting-house, and visited many families, for I felt the pres-
ence of Him who said: "Lo, I am with you always, even to the
end of the world.” While there, I felt called to go to a village
six miles distant, and sent an appointment by the Dr’s. wife, who
agreed to take me thither in her carriage. Accordingly on Sat-
urday I went to the Dr's., who had a study at New Salem, (the
place of my appointment,) and had an appointment there him-
self in the forenoon, mine being in the afternoon. But the elder,
who had formerly so much encouraged me, and taken so great an
interest in my labors, had appeared distant since my visit to this
place, and now, under the pretense of shielding me from perse-

112
NARRATIVE.
cution, by the rude and wicked inhabitants of that place, advised
me not to go, saying he could withdraw my appointment and no
harm come from it, to which I consented. But immediately I
felt an inward uneasiness, as if it were not right. Still I strove
to quiet myself, for it was more pleasing to comply with his
wishes, and shun any rough or rude treatment that might await
me there. But there was no sleep for me that night. I felt as
if the sins of that people lay with ponderous weight upon my
mind, and after a great struggle, I yielded in my mind to tell the
Dr. in the morning, that I must go to my appointment. Ac-
cordingly I mustered sufficient moral courage to tell him, with
flowing tears, that I believed it my duty to go, and that I had
not slept on account of it. This carried conviction to his soul,
reminding him of olden times, and he broke down and wept bit-
terly, and prayed that morning with much of his former energy.
He soon started for his appointment, and his wife took me to
mine. I spoke with great liberty from the words: “Why will
ye die, 0, house of Israel.” We had a crowded house, and good
order and attention throughout. When about to return home,
I went into the chamber to make ready, and in coming down, a
slip or misstep threw me down three or four stairs, landing with
my whole weight upon my right hand, which dislocated my wrist,
and disabled me from work for one week; on my return, there-
fore, I attended a discussion on water baptism, between a Meth-
odist and Campbellite minister. The Methodist taking the ground
that sprinkling is the scriptural mode of baptism, and the Camp-
bellite declaring that immersion alone is the proper mode. Both
were well versed in scripture, and ransacked both the old and
new testament to prove their positions, and using much sarcasm,
which fell little short of vulgar blackguardism. Both being elo-
quent and pleasant speakers, the house was crowded day and
night, and my heart did truly grieve over the crowds thus fed
with chaff of needless controversy, on a subject so easily ascer-
tained, while their souls were starving for the bread of life, which
those
very ministers were sent to distribute among them; for after
all it amounted to nothing but each man pleasing his own party,
as both parties boasted of victory.
A man and his wife came after me to visit Pennfield, and I

NARRATIVE.
113
held several meetings in and about their neighborhood, which
were much blessed to my own soul, and I had reason to think not
in vain to others. But here the good cause suffered from the
same source that it often suffers. The free course of the world
was hindered for want of due attention to the wholesome pre-
cept of St. Paul, to guide the house well, and "give no occasion
to the enemy to speak reproachfully.” Almost all the professors
in the neighborhood were proverbially negligent of keeping their
houses clean, and they were consequently infested with hungry
and blood-thirsty night-walkers, so that one might congratulate
himself as fortunate if he could get an hour to sleep. Some of
their persons and their children might be designated as far as
you could see them, as the inmates of those filthy dens. I here
gained some charity and forbearance toward ministers, whom I
had often blamed for not preaching publicly against this kind of
sin, for sin it certainly is. Though they may perform much more
labor of other kinds, and more lucrative, (which I think is sel-
dom the case,) they are robbing themselves of the truest com-
fort, their children of a right and reasonable training, and what
is worse, robbing God of the glory of having made us rational
beings, and debasing ourselves to a level with those animals whose
habits seem intended as a warning, by disgusting and nauseating
Just listen to the Saviour saying: “Ye ought to make clean
the inside, that the outside may be clean also." I labored in pri-
vate to work a reform among them, but found not where to begin
to rebuke them in public, for they were kind and hospitable, and
possessed many good qualities after all, which I feared I might
discourage, and thus, in pulling up tarės, root up the wheat. But
I do think this great error ought to be more plainly and fre-
quently rebuked.
While in Pennfield I had an opportunity to visit a town which
joined it. Having an old neighbor here, I tarried a few days and
held some meetings in their district school-house, and an ap-
pointment was said to have been published for me at the centre
of the town, at ten o'clock, in the Baptist meeting-house. But
when we came, we found that through mistake, it had not been
given out, so we concluded to go to the Methodist meeting, where
we heard a sermon, and then, with their consent, an appointment
us.
8

114
NARRATIVE
was given for me in the afternoon, and as none invited us to
their hospitality, we stayed in and about the meeting-house until
four o'clock. Many others who lived at a distance likewise re-
mained ; among them were many young men, who seemed desi-
rous of satisfying their curiosity by eyeing me continually, but
without exhibiting any further rudeness. But He who sent me
inspired me with boldness which shrank not from being thus a
spectacle to men and angels. At the appointed hour we had a
crowded house, and I took for my text, Hebrews, xiii., 1st: “ Let
brotherly love continue.” First, I endeavored to point out many
things which in time past and at present, tended to binder and
drive out brotherly love ; second, the futility and falsity of reli-
gion without it; third, what we must do to get it and let it con-
tinue, and closed with an exhortation. The Lord enabled me to
speak with unusual liberty and from a warm heart, and I saw
unmistakable signs that the truth reached the hearts of many
others. We returned, faint and exhausted in body, but happy
in God, and assured that our labor in him was not in vain. But
here, alas, I come to record another instance of unfaithfulness,
which I remember with distrust, and over which I would draw a
veil, if I did not think it my duty to let all see in me the differ-
ence between unbelief and distrust, and strong faith and confi-
dence in God, and their effects upon me. Judging from appear-
ances, I was in a place and among a people where I might have
been useful. But Satan sent a woman after me to take me back
to Pennfield. My guide said: 66 Your work is not done here;
let her go with her carriage, and stay till your work is done, and
then go to Pennfield on foot and alone, doing what work you find
to do on the road, and God will protect you.” But Satan (under
color of a friend,) said : “No, you are a woman, alone and unpro-
tected; you may meet mad dogs, or what is worse, mad men on
the road." I hesitated. The people where I was, remonstrated,
but the woman was urgent, and knowing she had taken much
pains to come for me, I went with her, feeling all the way as if
I had done wrong. After I arrived, this feeling continued, and I
repented it sorely, confessed, and felt as if forgiven. But this
was not as I had intended to live, that is, in such a way as God
will infallibly reward, and not possibly forgive. I saw that my

NARRATIVE.
115
did so.
cunning adversary had outwitted me and shorn my strength, yet
my guide said I might yet do what lay in my power; and get up
an appointment in a very wicked neighborhood near by, and I
But when the time came, it was very rainy and muddy,
and the people said it was too bad for me to go on foot a mile and
a half through the mud, and then find nobody there. So I yield-
ed, and afterwards learned that there was a good congregation,
and if I knew that Satan had the control of the elements, as well
as the people, I would give him the credit of this defeat also. I
was left in great darkness and desertion of mind, and became
home-sick. After going home, Satan, to comfort and reward me,
set some of his servants to raise a report among my Christian
friends, that my mission to Pennfield and Lagrange was a failure.
Who will serve such a master as this? I thank God that I have
not served him all my days, and most deeply do I regret all the
service I have done him. This report was not true, although I
have no doubt that if I had wholly followed the Lord in this
instance, I should have been made more useful.
While yet a member of the Protestant Methodist sect, brother
Andrews, a popular preacher among us, was holding a protracted
meeting in the corner of Medina township, which was near my
dwelling, on the Smith road, in the corner of Granger. He
preached one sermon a day, and had one meeting for social
prayer,
speaking experience and exhortation, for a day or two. I found
work and enjoyed the exercises, and had my calling been recog-
nized or acknowledged by preacher or people, I might still have
done so; but as it was, I soon found my work done there, and all
my exercises (within the limits prescribed by them for all my
sex,) to dwindle to formality, which appeared useless. All the
while I felt that I had something to do in the town of York, west
of Medina, for God and my fellow creatures. Accordingly, hav-
ing an opportunity to ride there, I left the meeting, and went on
Thursday, the fourth day of the meeting. After a good visit
with some of the brethren and sisters in the Lord, my mind
was drawn to visit a brother who was a back-slider, living in the
north part of the town. I went on Friday, and
called
on a family of professed unbelievers. They were very friendly,
and urged me to stay to dinner, and as I suppose, out of respect
way
on my

116
NARRATIVE.
for my feelings, asked me to give thanks at the table. But how
was my heart pained on visiting one, who but a short time before
was a zealous and active Christian, now so destitute of reverence
for his Maker, as neither to give thanks himself for the abund-
ant blessings heaped upon him, nor regarding my feelings enough
to request me to do so, or to pray at night or in the morning. I
felt such concern for them (the man and his wife and children,
as kept me weeping and praying for them nearly the whole night.
In the morning and forenoon I dealt faithfully with them, and
not in vain, for the man became quite interested and penitent.
That evening there was a prayer-meeting in the neighborhood."
I attended, and appointed a meeting for the next evening, and
on Sabbath at ten o'clock, in both of which meetings we were
measurably favored with the Divine presence. Brother Andrews
having closed his protracted effort in my neighborhood, was to
preach here this afternoon, so we all came and listened to a ser-
mon from him. The Protestant Methodists had a small society
here, and after preaching he proceeded to meet or speak to the
class. After hearing their answers he subjoined such counsel as
he thought they needed, and an affectionate exhortation. As
he had always appeared very friendly to me, I hoped for the
same treatment, but having called on me to speak, and heard
what I had to say, he passed me by in silence After class-
meeting, as the brethren and sisters were affectionately greeting
him with the hand of friendship, I purposed to do the same, but
as I drew near him, he reddened, and shrugging up his shoulders,
partly turned his back to me, and so I passed out without speak-
ing to him. He had doubtless been informed that I had been
preaching in York and in other parts of his circuit, and though
he said nothing to me about it, his actions showed that he highly
disapproved of it. The next time he saw me he gave me a scold-
ing for leaving my post and running away from my work, saying
it was no wonder no more good was done, when those who had
the most influence deserted their Master's cause, and ran away.
I knew he had no sympathy for such exercises as I might make,
so I bore it in silence. On that night he commenced a protracted
effort near the centre of York, and I listened again to two or
three of the same sermons he had preached at our place, one of

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117
seyhich was on “ Pride. Being somewhat depressed and tempted
of the Christian's foe, as he proceeded to describe the signs by
which one might detect himself in pride, spiritual pride and hy-
pocrisy, I came to the conclusion that I was both proud and hyp-
ocritical, and with great grief and amazement I resolved to confess
it all to God and implore His mercy. Accordingly, after meeting,
I sought a solitary place, and kneeled before God, and began to
confess, when all at once I felt such a strange absence of the
spirit of prayer and all religious feeling, as cannot be described.
I could not confess nor pray, for there was no more religious feel-
ing in me than in a chip, and never but once before had I known
anything like it. I rose from my knees, and this feeling contin-
ued for a long time, except short intervals of a change. At first
I was frightened at it, but after much consideration, inquiry and
self-examination, I came to the conclusion that it was one of Sa-
tan's devices, and that though God had delivered my soul from
pride and hypocrisy, and I had hated them for years, the old De-
ceiver had, in hearing that sermon, exhibited me to myself in
his false telescope, and made me believe that of myself which
was not true, and sent me to God with a lie in my mouth. But
God resisted me in such a manner as taught me a lesson —the
snare was broken, and my soul escaped and recovered access to
prayer.
I returned home, where I remained some time, but as was
usual when inactive, I languished for a livelier sense of eternal
things, and not yet fully understanding the real cause, I feared
there was something wrong in me, though I knew not what.
Hearing that Mr. Avery, the noted Congregational evangelist,
was holding a protracted meeting in Medina village, I thought I
would go and attend it a week, and perhaps I might gain instruc-
tion by hearing him, and learn the cause of my want of faith and
love. I went, and the first sermon I heard was on 6 Pride."
Again Satan came with his telescope, and if I had not so recently
been taken in, and escaped, his snare would surely have entan-
gled me this time. But now I said, in the name of Christ : “Get
thee behind me, Satan,” and held fast to my Deliverer, by faith.
I attended the meeting three days and evenings, and saw sinners
flock to the altar of prayer as doves to their windows. Back-

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NARRATIVE.
sermon.
sliders, too, came confessing, and the inquiry rooms were crowd-
ed with souls, anxiously inquiring what they must do to be
saved. In the prayer meeting he urged speaking as well as pray-
ing, and strange to tell, urged the sisters, as well as brethren, to
speak. Surely he had forgotten the awful prohibition of Paul,
who did not suffer them to speak, and said it was " a shame," &c.
But the sisters of Medina had been under restriction so long, and
were so timid, that their voices could scarcely be heard. “Speak
loud, sisters," said the preacher," as loud as you do when you
scold at your children. Take pattern by the Methodist sisters —
you can hear them across the room.” I rejoiced in the good that
was doing, but found this not my place to labor. The preaching
was good and able, and suited to the wants of the people, but
I found nothing more than I knew before, and contrary to
my expectations. On Thursday I grew so uneasy that I could
not stay, though I knew not why, and left in the midst of the
At first I hardly knew what course to take, being five
miles from home, and having no chance of a ride, whereas, if I
remained till Sabbath, there would be many. But go I must, and
concluded to visit on the way home at every house, talking with
the people about their salvation, and staying where night found
In this work I found myself happy, having work enough
to do, and delightful it was to me, because God blessed me in
doing it, and blessed others also. I found one poor woman on a
sick bed, with two or three little ones crying around her; and
her husband having been taken sick abroad, she seemed more
troubled on his account than her own. I pointed her to Him,
who said: “Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I will de-
liver thee, and thou shalt glorify me. I bore her case to a
Throne of Grace, and she seemed comforted, thanking me many
times for my call. O, how different were my feelings from what
they were a few hours before, when I stood by the elegant brick
chapel at Medina, undecided what course to pursue. No doubt
many would think the course I took a foolish one, but the wisdom
of God is foolishness with men. I went to Medina to obtain in-
struction, and not in vain, though it did not come through the
lips of the minister, from whence I expected it. I learned an
important lesson, to know what is that good and acceptable and
me.

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119
"perfect will of God concerning me. I was ignorantly committing
an error, which I think many have and are ignorantly commit-
ting, on account of which their souls languish, and the Zion of
God likewise. It is this, that instead of being active in teaching
the truths to those ignorant them as fast as they learn them,
in every way that God has given them a capacity to teach. They
plead their own inability and ignorance, and say they have but
one talent, when perhaps they have two or five, all buried up in
the rubbish of their pride, and the carnal reasonings of Satan;
and thus, after a manner, they run a religious career,
ever learn-
ing and keeping at the feet of those whom they esteem learned,
able and eloquent teachers in Israel, as pupils, trying to feast on
their labors as do young converts and babes in Christ. No
wonder they do not make progress in religion ; their souls lan-
guish for want of personal exercise and activity, because when
one member suffers, all the members suffer with it, and the church
everywhere suffers on this account. O, for holy and spiritual
preachers, and brethren, and sisters, to be multiplied among us,
who can discern such things, and insist upon their labor; for no
person's ability is known to himself or herself, or even fully to
others till it is used, as by its use alone can it be developed, Un-
til this is done, and if they will remain idle and useless still,
serve them as the bees are said to serve the drones, and all lay
hold on them and carry them out of the hive. With them we
cannot expect to accumulate much honey, for like the drones, they
are only in the way, and a burthen to the rest, having had for
many long years great opportunities for learning all about reli-
gion, except the deep experience and sweet luxury of doing good,
which only the diligent can have. They are dying of surfeit, and
send the chills of spiritual death wherever they go.

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NARRATIVE.
CHAPTER XX.
SOME OF MY TRIALS AND EFFORTS, OR ATTEMPTS AT USEFULNESS
DURING MY WIDOWED LIFE MY SECOND MARRIAGE SOME EF-
FORTS OR ATTEMPTS AT USEFULNESS SUBSEQUENTLY MADE IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD OF OUR PRESENT RESIDENCE.
I never found a release from God, by the Spirit, from the work
to which he called me. Yet his providential dealings seemed
dark and mysterious, in suffering my way to be shut up and en-
closed as with a thorn hedge continually. Sometimes I broke
through and held a few meetings, and again I could not and did
not hold any for many months. During these intervals, the
backwardness and timidity which I had partially overcome, gain-
ed ground upon me; for when at home my ears were constantly
saluted with ridicule at the idea of women preaching, and being
called "priest,” “minister," and so on, as an epithet of reproach,
and much of this from my own children and relatives. I do not
mention this thinking it will disgrace them in the sight of the
world, and I pray they may be accepted in the great day, when
their mistake will be rectified. Those with whom I made my
home of course felt no sympathy with my feelings, or any dispo-
sition to aid me in a course of which they were ashamed, and
considered it a disgrace to themselves. They went so far as to
promise, on condition that I would give up the idea of preaching,
and stay at home, like other women, to clothe me in the best
manner, and escort me to meetings wherever I desired to go. In
short, I should want for nothing. But so foolish was I, in the
opinion of many, that all this was not sufficient to buy me. As
I had no means to travel, and this stern and determined opposi-
tion prevailed at home on all sides, like an imprisoned bird, 'I
pined for liberty, and my spirit fluttered from side to side of its
iron cage. As my children were grown, and most of them set-
tled in life, I found some refreshment by walking out into other
neighborhoods, and visiting from house to house for religious con-
versation, attending different religious meetings.
In the spring of 1848 I commenced a Sabbath-school in a
neighborhood proverbially skeptical and hardened in sin. The
people did not feel sufficiently interested to purchase a library,

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121
which I would gladly have done myself but had not the means.
I therefore borrowed what old Sabbath-school books and youth's
papers I could, and commenced my school in the month of May.
I depended chiefly on giving instruction from the Bible, and com-
menced my school every Sabbath morning at nine o'clock, by
reading a chapter, verse about, followed by prayer, recitations,
giving out lessons, and closed by telling a Bible story, in simple
language, suited to the capacity of the children. The instruction,
explanations and Bible stories drew the attention of the young
people, who flocked in, occasionally filling the room. In these
audiences I felt very much at home, and much blessed, so much
so that I grudged not my pains, though I had to walk nearly four
miles to accomplish it, every Saturday evening, and back on
Monday morning, and denied myself the luxury of hearing
preaching, except what I could procure at my school-house. I
solicited ministers to preach, and on several occasions was suc-
cessful with those of different sects, endeavoring to have preach-
ing or prayer-meeting rugularly every Sabbath. The people all
sent their children regularly to my school, though one or two
attempts at preaching myself, served to show that they would
not come out to hear me, for the sole reason that it was a female.
I kept my school till September, and after I closed, I gave the
family who boarded me over Sabbaths, a fortnight's work at sew-
ing, to remunerate them. So much bread I thus cast upon the
waters, and hope to find it after many days.
During my Sabbath-school at Coddingsburg, Mr. Cyrus Stewart,
(my present husband,) came to preach in my school-house, with
his wife, which was the beginning of my acquaintance with him.
Subsequently I spent two weeks in the family, in which time I
ascertained their character and sentiments, which nearly agreed
with my own. He continued his meetings at school-house,
and being pressed in the spirit, I spoke after him. In conversa-
tion he asked why I did not preach. I replied, that in my cir-
cumstances, it was next to impossible. He inquired if my mind
was easy on the subject, and I answered in the negative. He
declared that he as firmly believed that some women ought to
preach the Gospel, (and that if his present wife, now going into
the grave, had done her duty, she would have preached,) as that
my

122
NARRATIVE.
any man ought to do it, and strove to inspire me with courage
and boldness to go forward in my duty. Here ended our ac-
quaintance for the present. In 1849 I commenced a Sabbath-
school in a neighborhood in the town of Montville, some two
miles from home. This was, if possible, a more heathenish, pro-
fane and wicked place than Coddingsburg. Here the children and
youth had enjoyed no such opportunity as at the former place,
and all seemed interested and desirous to attend. But the pa-
rents showed little interest, except two families of Congregation-
alists, who invited me to make their houses my home, over
Sabbaths. I furnished myself with books and papers as before,
and succeeded in collecting a small school, which I conducted the
same as befo Some busy-bodies tried to prejudice the minds
of parents against Sabbath-schools, and too well succeeded. But
a dozen children were permitted to attend, and they made great
proficiency in committing the scriptures to memory, and were
orderly and attentive to instruction. A boy named Solomon
Smith, was very remarkable for his power of memory, and his
attachment to his Bible and Sabbath-school. He was about
twelve years old, and should he live long, and live a Christian,
I predict for him great usefulness. I have had no knowledge of
him since, except once meeting him on the ro when I asked
him if he remembered the Sabbath-school, and was trying to live
after its instruction; he assured me that he was, A lovely young
woman also seemed to appreciate the opportunity for instruction ;
but she soon after passed into eterity. I hope she may have been
benefited. But our part is to sow beside all waters, and not al-
ways are we permitied to know how much of the seed falls on
good ground. As there were some Methodists and some Congre-
gationalists, I tried to start a prayer meeting, but the former
were so cold, and the latter so partial to their own meetings at
Medina, four miles distant, that only a few professors came, and
they joined with the world in ridiculing one who was disinter-
estedly trying to do them good, merely because it was a female,
and, as they said, so forward, while their inaction forced me to
be almost the only actor. In one of these meetings I had been
praying and exlorting the people, while it seemed as hard and
discouraging a task as to beat a solid rock to pieces with a small

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123
hammer. Suddenly I felt such an overwhelming sense of their
deplorable condition, and such a travail of soul for them, that I
wept aloud for some time. This melted them into tears; à quick-
ening seemed to take place, and two or three prayed and spoke,
expressing a sensibility of their backslidden state, and some good
resolutions were taken, which time showed were like the dew,
which passeth away. Being unable to rest satisfied with these
efforts, I sent an appointment for a meeting at a log meeting-
house, a mile and a half beyond my Sabbath-school, on Thursday
evening. I walked thither in the afternoon, and called upon a
family who belonged to a religious sect. They received me very
coldly, but asked me to take off my bonnet and shawl, after
which, they retired into a back room. I sat alone an hour, and
then putting on my things, I passed away. Going past the meet-
ing-house, I called upon a family who were not professors, who
cordially received, fed, and invited me to tarry with them over
night. In the evening a goodly number assembled, but no one
brought a light, and thinking perhaps they did not intend to pro-
vide any, and there being a bright moonlight, I said: “Friends,
I think we can see well enough to speak and hear,” and mention-
ing my subject, began to talk. Soon a light was brought in, and
the family I first called on were all present. While speaking, I
felt as if in the presence of the King of kings. After meeting,
the family above mentioned made many excuses, asked me home
with them, &c. I held several meetings there during the sum-
There were a few decent and civilized people, and some
of the most heathenish and profane I ever met with. One man,
speaking of the present dry weather, said: “If the old fellow,
(meaning the Almighty,) does not send us better weather, we
will put him out of office, and appoint a better.” Another man,
as he stood by the diggers of his father's grave, said: “Jesus
Christ meant to put me under the sod last spring, (alluding to a
spell of sickness he had in the spring before, but I was too
strong for him.” This is a fair specimen of their common talk.
On the week of my appointment at the meeting-house, I usually
tarried in the neighborhood, and visited, for the purpose of reli-
gious conversation. One day while thus employed, I came in
sight of a large and commodious house, into which I thought duty
mer.

124
NARRATIVE.
called me to enter; but I shrank from it in my feelings, far more
than to enter the lowly cabins of the poor. I feared they were
skeptics, or if professors of religion, so aristocratic that I should
be repulsed with scorn. However, with fear and trembling I
entered; but how agreeably was I disappointed! On being
seated, they inquired if I were not the Mrs. Hickcox who kept
the Sabbath-school. On being answered in the affirmative, I was
welcomed and caressed, as by affectionate friends. A message
was sent to the parlor to inform their mother of my presence,
who sent for me, and I was piloted by the daughters to her room.
I found her blind by inflammation of the eyes; but her Spiritual
sight, or vision, seemed clear and bright. They were of the Epis-
copal order, of Vermont, of large hearts, and liberal views and
feelings; and the question was not broached, as I recollect, what
denomination I was attached to, or whether to any. Three of
their children who were married, lived under the same roof with
two daughters single and two lovely grand-children, and several
work hands. It was delightful to see all collected in one room,
night and morning, when one of the sons read a chapter, after
which we all listened to, and joined in, a sensible, appropriate
and fervent prayer, from the aged and venerable Father. This,
was one of my homes henceforth while I continued my school.-
Surely, no one who has experienced such a conflict as I have,
sometimes, when starting out on my Missionary tours, can doubt
the agency of Satan in opposing their undertaking; or the neces-
sity of the precept or exhortation of St. Peter, which reads thus:
“Be watchful, be vigilant, because your adversary, the Devil, as a
roaring Lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour.” Or
be at a loss what St. Paul meant by “ Wrestling against princi-
palities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of
this world.” So many discouraging thoughts have arisen, such
representations of the diminutiveness, yea, the ridiculousness, of
the figure I made in the eyes of the world in my singular course,
so great has been my conflict and the effort to resist the tempta-
tion to go back, that I have been near fainting. But determin-
edly resisting, it has suddenly ceased and left me to go on my
way peacefully and sometimes joyfully.
I continued my school nearly through the summer, under very

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125
discouraging circumstances. A set of rowdies delighted to annoy
us, by coming in and going out at their leisure; and while we
were endeavoring to teach the children to keep the Sabbath, the
parents were in the fields at work. On that day, and in sight of
us, their barns were open, and they threshing or cleaning their
grain. Thus passed the summer of 1849. I was confirmed in
the belief that I ought to spend the remainder of my life in striv-
ing to do good, in the way which providence might open before
me, and the Spirit lead. I resolved, should my life be spared till
another summer, and health permit, I would go out, though alone,
and without human aid or protection, and preach a risen Saviour
to a lost and ruined world. Two years had passed since I had
seen or heard of Mr. Stewart. In the meantime, he had buried
his former wife ; and, although he had not to sorrow for her, as
those without hope, (she having exhibited great calmness in view
of death, and died in the triumph of faith,) yet he shared the lot
of the bereaved, a painful sense of loss and loneliness. In De-
cember, 1849, he paid me a visit, and proposed marriage. Which,
having duly considered, and come to the conclusion that we both
might be more useful, (which was the greatest desideratum in
my view) I consented, and on the 20th of January, 1850, we
were married. I look upon this event as providential, consider-
ing our affinity in many respects; particularly our agreement in
sentiment, object, aim and calling. A oneness in spirit, renders
us, when faithful, mutual helpmeets in the vineyard of our God.
I soon removed to his residence, in the town of Copley, Summit
County, Ohio, where we now reside. On coming here, there was
nothing I so much desired as to glorify God, by being useful to
my fellow creatures. We had appointments in other places to
preach, but none in our immediate neighborhood. I desired him
to appoint some meetings at home, but he remonstrated against
it, saying, we can do nothing here, for the reason that the people
are mostly backsliders from piety to Universalism, or skepticism.
One great cause of which, was the preaching of a Miss Turner,
who came here a year or two since, and preached Infidelity.
Many fruitless efforts have since been made to benefit them, by
myself and others, who have met their bitter persecution ; and
still Satan keeps his strong hold, and many of them sit in the

126
NARRATIVE.
seat of the scornful. I do not think it right, thus to cast our
pearls before swine. I can do no more here, at present; but if
you
have a mind to try, I will publish an appointment for you,
in our district school house; which, I desired him to do, for three
reasons.
1st. I wished my introduction to them, to be made in my own
true (though dispised) character, a female preacher.
2nd. I did not wish to show a cowardice of preaching to my
neighbors, or give them a chance to think me partial in my labors.
3d. I hoped, since they had turned out in crowds to hear a
woman preach lies, they would come to hear a woman preach the
truth; so I determined to give them a trial. At my first ap-
pointment, a goodly number came out. At my second, my con-
gregation consisted of a dozen or fifteen rowdies. I was alone,
my husband being sick and unable to attend. I sang and prayed,
and named my text; “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands
of the living God.” And when I had talked a few minutes, my
audience arose, and treading fast on each other's heels, left the
room, but stood around the door, talking, with loud laughter;
and while I sat considering how I should escape from them, one
of them dodged in at the door and puffed out my candle, leaving
me in the dark. I felt around and found my things, took my
candle in my hand, and walked out; they offering no further
rudeness than singing some vulgar nonsense, in hymn tunes...
After this, I made one more trial on a Sabbath afternoon; one
woman came, we prayed and parted, and I spent the remainder
of the day in visiting and conversing with the people at their
own houses. One more Sabbath I spent in the same way; and
of twenty-three persons with whom I conversed, but three ad-
mitted the truth of the Bible. Since which, I have felt clear
before God and man; clear of their blood though they should
perish. They are as neighbors, kind and obliging, and a neigh-
borhood more free from contentions and broils, from tale bearing
and gossiping, I have not known. I feel attached to them, and
often feel to intercede at the throne of grace for their salvation,
and earnestly hope I may yet enjoy christian fellowship with
them, that we may yet walk to the house of God in company,
and sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. My heart

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127
is pained, and my tears have flowed for this people -- but what
more to do I know not. Lord direct, and aid me by grace, to
walk circumspectly before them. Thus far, I am not conscious
of laying any stumbling block in their way and 0, may the
Lord send salvation to this people'speedily.
I think the manner of my introduction here has been an ad-
vantage to me, for if I had not come wearing the badge of the
cross, so offensive to the world, I should have been drawn into
fashionable visiting, and familiarities with irreligious persons, so
unprofitable to christians; but now they do not come, except on
business, and I now and then fall in and converse an hour with
them, and some of them in return, do the same by me. O that
all christian women who live near neighbors to each other, would
adopt this practice. An hour is as long as we can converse profit-
ably. Then all the time and toil of waiting on parties, of neigh-
borhood visits, would be spared, with much more that might be
mentioned, to be spent in a way more profitable to ourselves and
others our friends at a distance, of course must be an excep-
tion to this rule. For one, I deeply feel I have other work to do,
and feel thankful to God, that by this means, he has lightened
my load,and removed hindrances from which I formerly knew not
how to escape. Hence, I have been enabled to spend much more
time in reading and writing, prayer and meditation.
I here bring this imperfect sketch of my past experience, trials,
and feeble labors to a close, praying that God may make it a
blessing to many, especially to my own sex, that they may be
encouraged by my comforts and success. Take good heed to the
lessons I have set up, and shown the rocks on which I nearly
foundered by disobedience, and be led to give themselves up un-
reservedly to Christ, and call no man Master, but know 'tis wo-
mans right to be “herself a being," pure and free, having a right
to seek a higher life, a nobler destiny, her right to heed the in-
ward voice that dutycalls enrol, but not her right ever to commit
her mind to man's control.
ELLEN STEWART.
June 25th, 1853.

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NARRATIVE.
CHAPTER XXI.
CONTAINING ARGUMENTS DRAWN FROM THE SCRIPTURES, IN FAVOR
OF WOMAN'S RIGHTS OF CONSCIENCE
CHIEFLY DRAWN FROM
THE NEW TESTAMENT.
לג
In regard to the developements of truth on this subject in the
Old Testament, we would in the first place observe that, as God
declared “He created man,” and then subjoins that “ He created
them male and female and called their name Adam, in the day
when they were created.” It follows that “they," swomen,"
are only second in the plural epithets “they” and “them,” as
sexes, which are only requisite for physical purposes in this world
and the idea of man, or of mankind, is not perfect, without in-
cluding both male and female. And as there are no sexes in
Heaven, so His Moral Law, as giten by Moses, knows no sex, but
is equally binding on both sexes, and does not recognize sex, but
in the 10th, 12th, 14th and 17th terses of the chapter containing
the Law, i. e., the 20th chapter of Exodus, and there only in &
relative sense ; though both are constantly recognized as sharing
the benefits and blessings promised on condition of faithfulness
in keeping the moral and ceremonial law, and in the curses and
judgments threatened and executed against the disobedient,
which shows that she was as fully responsible to God for the
faithful fulfilling of both, as the men, so far as the want of phys-
ical strength, and nerve, and the peculiar circumstances of her
sex, did not render it impracticable or impossible. And as the
motive crowns the action, or the want of action, on our part, so
under that dispensation, the Lord did constantly recognize the
influence of the female sex, over the male, in leading them into
idolatry, or in keeping them in the path of obedience to, and the
worship of, the true God. Thus in giving the law, He knew no
sex; in justifying and accepting the loyal, He knew none; and
in His threatnings against the disobedient, and executing His
judgments, He knew none. Witness the history of both good
and bad women in olden time. And think you, that Deborah,
who Judged Israel, and led the armies of God against their ene-
mies, and sang of glorious victory; and Jezebel, whose influence
made her husband an idolator and a murderer, did not will and
act freely of their own choice ? Certainly, for if it were not so, it

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129
was unjust and partial, in the Lord, either to reward the one, or
curse and punish the other, the same as men, for if they were not
permitted to act freely, they could not be responsible; and if not
responsible, neither rewardable nor punishable. Hence, we ar-
gue, that under the Old Testament dispensation, men had no bus-
iness to interfere with the consciences of women. It appears
that God has always had a people on earth, and that people con-
stituted His Church. By transgression, man fell into darkness
and ignorance. Of God, a promise was given, that they should
be raised, and fully restored in Christ; and for the fulfillment of
that promise, the wheel of progress was immediately put in mo-
tion. All who complied with the conditions of advancement, be-
came members of God's Church ; and from Adam to Moses, they
were passing from infancy to manhood, or studying the first ru-
diments of the knowledge of God in his purity; and the require-
ments of their allegiance to him, but little was required, but few
things forbidden; because as yet they knew comparatively little;
but had in the days of Abraham, so far advanced under the
teaching of the providence of God, the occasional ministry of
Angels, and the Holy Spirit, (a measure of which they possessed)
that the promise was renewed with additional clearness, and the
rite of circumcision given, more fully to designate the Church of
God, and its reparation outwardly from the world, and to shadow
forth that purity and consecration of the whole being to God, to
be required under the Gospel dispensation.
When the Mosaic era arrived, the Church had sufficiently ad-
vanced to enter the study of a still higher branch of Spiritual
science; and with miraculous, and wonderful, and terriffic out-
ward manifestations of His power and glory, God gave them the
moral and ceremonial law. St Paul, in speaking of the moral
law, says, “it was added because of transgression," that they
might more fully understand what was sin, and hateful in the
sight of God. For, said he, “I had not known sin,” except the
law had said, thou shalt not covet; and the law of ceremonies,
ty pes and shadows, was to continue until the seed should come,
which served the double purpose of testing their obedience, and
shadowing forth the great sacrifice.
Under the prophetic dispensation, how plainly we can see the
9

130
NARRATIVE.
advance the church had made in light and knowledge. How
minutely is the Saviour's sufferings and death pointed out, with
his glorious triumph over death, hell, and sin; and already they
begin to show that the blood of bulls and goats isi nsufficient,
and point to “a fountain to be opened in the house of Judah, for
sin and transgression," and the prophet cries, in view of Christ's
“sacrifice and offering, and burnt offering, thou wouldst not, but
a body hast thou prepared me.” In all this progress, woman
bore a part, and was (though not a chief) a free actor, and shared
in common with man, a blessing or a curse, according as she obey-
ed or disobeyed the known will of God concerning herself as an
individual. And now as physical nerve and strength were soon
not to be chief, but subordinate untensils, wherewith the Church
of God was to do her work on Earth; and it was not by human
might, or power, but by the Spirit of God. The Prophet Joel,
seeing that great oneness which the Gospel would reveal, and
finally cause to triumph in the Church, over human selfishness,
cries out in his prophesy, “It shall come to pass in the last days,
saith God, that I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh, and
your Sons, and your Daughters, shall prophesy," and as if to con-
firm and make it fully understood, He repeats, “and on my ser-
vants, and on my handmaids, I will pour out my Spirit, and they
shall prophesy.” Now is it not plain, that as God counted them
one in the first Adam, so he did in the second; and as prophesy-
ing was a public work, when it consisted of foretelling events,
yet future or exhorting, edifying, or comforting the saints, or
warning and exhorting sinners to repentance in the Jewish Church,
so it was under the Gospel; Judas and Silas are said to be
Prophets, and when the Spirit was poured out in Gospel meas-
ure on the day of Pentecost, both men and women were made
Prophets.
It was our intention to draw our chief arguments from the
New Testament. We will begin with the account given by St
Luke, of the birth of John the Baptist and the Saviour's advent
into the world. As the law exhibited the rigidity and inexora-
ble nature of God's justice, and allowed man, in consideration of
the deficit of light and knowledge he possessed, to take revenge
by an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, thus exhibiting

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131
to the world the coarser and harsher features of true religion,
requiring rigid justice. The Gospel at its ushering in, exhibited
religion to the world in the milder, purer, and more feminine
features of the Church. Here are two females, selected to be
the mothers of the great Messiah and his fore-runner, and filled
with the Holy Ghost, to prophesy to all people in all coming
ages, of the great things he is about to do for them through the
art of writing and printing handed down. Now I ask if Mary
and Elizabeth have not prophesied in public, of Christ, to more
people, and made their names familiar and famous, with more
than
any
other woman could, by preaching all her days; and
what is the difference, whether our preaching be written or orally
delivered, if both are made public? We next notice the speech
of Anna, the Prophetess, who was joint Herald with Simeon of
the infant Saviour, and spake of Him in the Temple, (a public
place) to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem. But,
says one, she did not preach. But where is the difference? She
spoke in public, and hence was called a Prophetess. Next, we
would speak of the woman of Samaria. The Saviour no doubt,
saw in her a penitent heart and longing for the coming of the
Messiah to teach them the way of Salvation. As soon as he re-
vealed himself she believed on him, and filled with joy, she went
to the city and saith unto the men, come, see a man which told
me all things that ever I did. Is not this the Christ? He had
before told her to go and call her husband, &c. Here is a woman
with her heart full of love and zeal, exhorting the men of her
city to come to the Saviour. And the Saviour at the well, rejoie-
ing in Spirit that He had that opportunity to do the will of His
Father, in manifesting himself to her, and thus making her the
means of many believing on Him, for (as if to silence gainsaying )
it is expressly said, that many believed on Him for the saying
of the woman which testified, &c. But, says another, she did
not ascend a pulpit and preach. We reply, it is not told us
whether she did or not ; but she did a greater thing. The main
thing, and the only thing worth mention, is the holding forth Christ
to the people; and what is the difference, whether He be held
forth in a street, a private house, a log cabin in the wilderness,
or & splendid pulpit, so He is only held forth, and believe on Him

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NARRATIVE.
and are saved. The imposing sacredness and solemnity of the
pulpit is only a tradition of men, and a relict of popery ; but the
New Testament speaks of both men and women who held forth
the Saviour, and lays no restriction on either in so doing, or on
the manner of doing it, but requires them to be filled with the
Spirit, and when they are, and their hearts burn with love to
God, and melt with compassion for sinners, and like St. Paul,
they are pressed in Spirit to testify to man for God, it will make
no difference whether they do it from Marrs Hill, by the Sea
side, or in a pulpit, so they can deliver their souls when they are
filled with the Spirit, the effect is alike in both sexes, and both
must have the same liberty, both the same hope and encourage-
ment, and is it not reasonable to suppose that the weaker vessel
needs more strengthening cordials than the stronger? Yet it has
been the reverse of this. Women were permitted (those who
could, without neglecting other duties,) to accompany our Sa-
viour in His journeyings, hear His instructions, and minister to
His physical necessities. He was Himself the foundation or base
of all truth, and as he did not restrict us in our liberty, but left
us free to do what we can for Him, no man can be relied on as a
perfect guide. We ask no further evidence that we are born lit-
erally free and equal with men, with the single exception of
physical power, and when born of God, are born free and equal,
born into Christ, where even St. Paul declares that there is
neither male nor female, but all are one." All Christians build
upon Christ, but being imperfect in education, judgment, memo-
ry and understanding, build a mixture of “ Gold, silver, precious
stones, wood, hay and stubble.” Thus the advance degrees of
knowledge and truth, as fire tries the work of every man, as well
as every past generation, Christ laid the foundation of emancipa-
tion for all the oppressed, and all who are gathered into Him shall
be made free indeed. The work has been going on steadily, and
lately in a swifter ratio than before. The fire is burning, the
hay, wood and stubble of past generations is being consumed
in the crackling flames. The darker men's minds have been, the
more women have been oppressed, in every age and clime. But
as the Saviour permitted them to weep beneath his cross
witness and carry the news of his resurrection, and final victory
-to

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133
over death and hell, and leading captivity captive, not only being
eye-witnesses but actors -- so will they be permitted not only to
see, but to be the helpers of man, in bringing forward the reign
of righteousness on the earth, when the last fetter shall be bro-
ken, and the sword sheathed, to be crimsoned no more in human
gore. But some may ask how we understand St. Paul ? in first
Cor., 14th, 24th and 25th verses, he says: “Let your women
keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them
to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also
saith the law; and if they will learn anything, let them ask their
husbands at home, for it is a sin for a woman to speak in the
church.” Second Timothy, 11th and 15th verses inclusive: "Let
your women learn in silence, with all subjection, but I suffer not
a woman to teach nor usurp authority over the man, but to be in
silence, for Adam was first formed, then Eve, and Adam was not
deceived, but the woman being deceived, was in the transgres-
sion,” &c. In the first place, we premise that St. Paul, though
a good Christian and a great apostle, was but a man, and when
not particularly inspired, wrote according to his own judgment,
with the light of his own age, which, admitting human progress,
must have been far behind that of the present. The time for the
full triumph of the Gospel, and consequently for the full eleva-
tion of woman, and the emancipation of the oppressed, had not
at that time arrived; hence a pall of darkness rested on the church
and the world, in regard to human rights; and because, by rea-
son of physical weakness, she has in all ages been the subordinate
and the dependent, he may have thought she must always be so.
By Paul's own declaration, first Cor., 7th, 12th, everything he
wrote was not inspired, and if in one instance he wrote of him-
self, why not in others ? and why might he not in the above pas-
sages?
We suppose that like other good men, he was sometimes
inspired to write and speak, and sometimes wrote and spoke
without particular inspiration, according to the opinion and judg-
ment formed by the light and instruction he had ; and as a man,
his judgment and memory must be defective, unless we attribute
to him absolute perfection. Whatever he meant in the above
passages, it is hard to reconcile them with other passages of his
own writings. In Corinthians, xi., 5th, he says:
“ But every

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woman, praying or prophesying with her head uncovered, dishon-
oreth her head.” What can we infer from this, but that women
did pray and prophesy in the church, and could they without
speaking ? In Cor. xiv., 3d, 4th, he says: "He that prophesy-
eth, speaketh to edification, exhortation and comfort. He that
prophesyeth, edifyeth the church. But some say that he speaks
in the masculine gender, and did not mean women.
I answer
that our Saviour spoke in the masculine gender, when he uttered
the words : «He that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out."
“If any man thirst, let him come unto me and drink.” Will any
one say he did not here mean women? Thus we prove by Paul's
own words, that women did speak and prophesy. If necessary,
we could cite to the day of pentecost, when both men and women
prophesied ; and to the four daughters of 'Philip, in proof of the
same thing. But how can we reconcile his commendations and
salutations of particular females, as in tl e last chapter of Ro-
mans: “I commend unto you Phoebe, our sister, which is servant
of the church at Senekrea." How could she serve the church
without speaking in it? They were to assist her in whatsoever
business she had need. How could she transact business, or let
the church know her business, without speaking, “Salute Try-
phena and Tryphosa, who labored in the Lord; salute the belov-
ed Persis, which labored much in the Lord; greet Priscilla and
Aquilla, my helpers in Christ Jesus.” Now, 0, great apostle ! if
you had only told us what those women did — what their labor
- how many cavils it might have silenced. But Paul taught,
that “ As many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons
of God.” And the Saviour said: “When the comforter comes,
he should lead them into all truth.” So we may conclude their
labor was whatever the Holy Spirit led them to do. We must
be led by the same Spirit, and if some women were led to proph-
esy then, they may be now. It is allowed by many commenta-
tors, that prophesying under the old Testament, and preaching
under the new, are synonymous. The celebrated Adam Clark
said he doubted not that those women mentioned in the last chap-
ter of Romans, together with those mentioned in Philipians,
iv. 4th verse, who labored with Paul, preached the Gospel, and
mentioned Susanna Wesley, whom the Lord placed in the room
was

NARRATIVE.
135
of a useless minister, and her abundant usefulness. No one ought
to find fault with God, though he stepped so much out of his ac-
customed order as to use a weaker instrument to accomplish
a greater good, and proceeded to tell how pure, and holy, and
unblamable a female preacher ought to be, (we suppose in view
of the opposition.) In all of this we agree with him, and ought
not male preachers to be so too? We hardly know how to take
or interpret St. Paul, unless we conclude that either he meant
something quite different from what he expressed, or that his
precept and practice do not agree. At least, we think it easier
to see what he did not mean, than what he meant. He says they
are to be “under obedience” — under obedience to whom? Why,
first and always, to God. If He means to the husband, it suppo-
ses that husband to give no directions or commands but in accord-
ance with the laws of God. But in the Ten Commandments
there is as plain a command for husbands to obey their wives, as
for wives to obey their husbands. Both are to be under obedi-
ence to God, and if they are, they are one in spirit, as well as
one in flesh. He says: “If they will learn anything, let them
ask their husbands at home.” And what shall they do who have
no husbands? may they use any other means to learn ? and what
if the husband be more ignorant than the wife ? then of course
she must not add to his stock of knowledge, but immure herself
in her domestic concerns, and never lift her thoughts above the
daily routine of kitchen work. They must not go to meeting
or any public place, lest they may chance to hear preaching or
lecturing, and God has given them a memory as retentive as that
of men.
Here we see an inconsistency, for the church requires
them to attend to all the means of gaining knowledge, the same
as men to attend public meetings, hear preaching, praying, lectur-
ing, &c. This is requiring an impossibility, but women must not
inquire in God's temple, for it is “ a shame for a woman to speak
in the church. One good minister, to avoid the shameful thing,
whispered to the females in the inquiry meeting, and they an-
swered in a whisper. But here was a great inconsistency, for he
made them speak so that he could understand them, the same as
if they had spoken aloud. So, we see, they cannot take us back
to apostolic ages, and bind us to the letter that was applicable

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NARRATIVE.
then, without involving many inconsistencies and contradictions.
But let us now consider, first Timothy, ii., 11th: "Let your wo-
men learn in silence, with all subjection” - subjection to whom?
we inquire. Why, first and always, to God, and to men only as
they and their commands or requirements are in the same subjec-
tion to God, whether they be kings, rulers or husbands. Where
this is the case, either can be subject to the other.
Yea," says
Paul, “all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with
humility.” But he says, “Let them learn in silence.” Whatever
he thought at his day, and with his education, I cannot think the
women ought to learn in silence any more than the men. To be
sure, all ought to learn in silence before God, for “ They shall be
all (men and women,) taught of God," saith the scriptures, and
thus applied, it is significant. “For I suffer not a woman to teach
nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” Now
nothing is more plain to me than that in the expression, “I suffer
not a woman to teach,” he had not the least allusion to humble
Christian women, teaching men good things, for many men are
ignorant, as well as many women; and where either sex is able
to teach the other, it is their duty. Thus Priscilla, whom Paul
called his “helper," in company with her husband, took an apos-
tle, and taught him the way of the Lord, more perfectly. But
he must have meant an arrogant and overbearing manner, and
usurpation of authority, which (though the apostle seems to ap-
ply it to the female exclusively,) is as wrong and wicked in the
male sex. The Saviour, in speaking of some who exercised arbi-
trary authority over each other, said to his disciples: “So shall
it not be among you, but he that will be great among you, let
him minister, and he that will be chief, shall be servant of all."
In Ephesians, Paul says: “The husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the Head of the Church, and he is the saviour
of the body;" and then tells them to “Love your wives, even as
Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Christ teaches
the church its duty, leaving its will free, and placing before it the
highest and best motives to do good, and the most solemn warn-
ings against an evil course. He prayed and wept, labored and
suffered, and because it could not be saved without it, bled and
died for it. What an example for husbands to follow in relation

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187
to their wives. To follow it, they must be Christians in-
deed, and having the Spirit of Christ, ardently desire and long for
their salvation. The same must be said of wives. “ And how
knowest thou, 0, man, but thou mayest save thy wife; and how
knowest thou, 0, woman, but thou mayest save thy husband.”
But how many, even professed Christian men, vastly mistake the
meaning of the scriptures, in relation to their duty to their wives,
and justify themselves in imagining it an arbitrary contact with
their wills, when it is only their duty to advise, expostulate, warn
and plead with their wives, the same as they think it the wife’s
duty in relation to themselves. How often has the most cruel
and unchristianlike spirit and behavior towards a wife by her
husband, been justified in the sight of the people, when the same.
spirit and conduct on the part of the wife toward the husband,
would be censured and condemned; and all this because they
have carelessly read or been taught, that the husband is the head
of the wife. Nay, the brutal inebriate will quote scripture to
substantiate his authority to rule his own house, have his chil-
dren in subjection and his wife submissive, though he starve and
beat her, drag her from her bed, and turn her out in a snow drift
at midnight. St. Paul continues, and assigns as a reason for his
restrictions upon woman, that “ Adam was first formed, then Eve,
and Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, was
in the transgression.” Here the apostle seems to clear Adam
from all blame, and this is what mankind have been blindly doing
ever since, and have doomed and condemned Mother Eve and
her daughters to suffer many evils, privations and oppressions
from which the men are cleared ; but we should think, according
to the account given in Genesis, if there was any excuse for either,
Eve was the most excusable, for she heard all the plausible argu-
ments of the cunning serpent before she transgressed. But Adam
was neither deceived nor tempted, and knowing that the fruit was
forbidden, at Eve's invitation partook of it, and who can say that
he was not deeper in transgression than she ? But fallen human
nature showed itself in Adam and Eve, and has showed itself in
the race ever since, in the proneness to throw the blame upon
another, instead of taking it themselves. If Adam could throw
the blame upon Eve, she could throw it on the serpent. But the

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Lord did not clear any of them; on the contrary, he pronounced
a sentence on each, and prophetically foretold, that so far as
Adam first ruled in mankind, the woman should be oppressed
by the physically stronger, yet gave her the promise that her
seed should bruise the serpent's head. Did not this promise im-
ply a full restoration to perfect happiness and freedom, to all the
human race, through the second Adam, the Lord from heaven?
O, yes, for he declared he had come to heal the broken-hearted,
to open the prison doors to them that were bound, to set at
liberty them that were bruised, &c. In every age of the
world women have been oppressed, and the deeper the darkness
of heathenism, the more degraded. She owes all her elevation,
from the most abject slavery and vassalage, to Christianity; where
it has most shed its light and influence, she is most elevated; and
nowhere more than in the United States. She here enjoys great
liberty, compared with what is enjoyed by her sable sisters, in
their own heathen lands. Yet even here, as light increases, she
sees that she is legally, politically and morally oppressed, and as
increasing light reveals increasing responsibility, and she is pres-
sed by a sense of duty into activity,she finds that both the church
and state still hold her bound in chains; which, duty to herself,
her offspring and society at large, require that she should burst
asunder, and assert her liberty, equality and individuality. There
is a mighty revolution going on, and kindred minds, far from each
other, feel a sympathy and congeniality of soul, aiming and strug-
gling for the same thing, a plane of thought far above and beyond
the bigoted superstitions of our early education. Surely the
mighty revolution which thus goes on among liberal minds, is of
heavenly origin, an influence inexplicable, yet known and felt,
pervading our whole mental and moral atmosphere, an almost
universal desire of progress, against which it will be in vain for
conservation to hold back. Providence uses human agency,
,which
to a certain extent is free, and made up of as great a variety as
the vegetable kingdom. But there is a “must be so stamped
upon coming events, as regards generalities. Progression is
stamped upon humanity, and they must pass through different
stages of thought and action, and leave former thoughts and acts
behind. In every age some have had the foreshadowings of the

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139
"
coming events, but so dimly that their ideas were confused, which
led them into inconsistencies. Mr. John Wesley, in regard to
the great sin of slavery, had light beyond his age, and testified
against it, calling it " the sum of all villainies -- the vilest that
ever saw the sun. Yet he testified against the American Revo-
lution, and thought the Americans were committing a great sin,
in rebelling against their mother country. When Miss Bosenquet
submitted her case to him, (feeling moved to preach,) and though
he said he did not believe God ever intended to establish a fe-
male ministry, he considered her case an extraordinary one, and
therefore allowed her to preach. Is it not strange he did not see
that, in allowing liberty of conscience to one, he allowed that
liberty to all ? that instead of her's being an extraordinary case,
it was only extraordinary that she understood it enough to apply
for liberty, and should obtain it? Miss Bosenquet (afterwards
Mrs. Fletcher,) was doubtless an excellent woman, but she could
do in her day, with a self-conscience, what we could not conscien-
tiously do in ours, for in submitting her case to Mr. W., she vir-
tually acknowledged his authority, above that of Jesus Christ,
who had called her to preach the Gospel. In reality, it was not
his prerogative, nor is it that of any man or body of men, to say
who shall or shall not preach, or grant liberty to male or female,
to do what the Holy Ghost moves them to do. This liberty is
inherent in humanity, and is the birthright of every man and
The Fathers of the Revolution had light beyond their
age, and beyond what was ever before given in regard to the
rights of humanity. Hence, in their Declaration of Independ-
ence, they said :
“ All men are born free and equal, with certain
inalienable rights, among which are life, liberty, and the pursuit
of happiness.” But then they did not understand, nor did their
children after them, the extent of the principles they uttered,
for had they understood them, they would not have compromised
at all with slaveholders, but abolished slavery at once. Then,
neither they nor their children would have continued to oppress
the weaker part of their own race. In the first ages of the world,
woman was the purchase, and man her owner, for value received
by her father. In our day and country, man is called the pro-
tector and woman the protected - a theory arising from their
woman.

140
NARRATIVE.
oneness.
Yet they are not placed upon an equal footing; she is
not represented in the Government, and according to the Dec-
laration, the powers of the Government are not just, for it says
that “Governments derive their just powers from the consent of
the governed.” They say that women are represented by their
fathers, husbands, sons and brothers, but how can man represent
woman, unless they are essentially alike; and if they are essen-
tially alike, why cannot she represent him, as well as he can rep-
resent her? Yet, we deny that they are sufficiently alike to be
represented by one another. The laws look upon the woman as
a subordinate, and under them man has rights which she does not
possess. Men and women will not bear a comparison, being es-
sentially unlike; and while represented by men, the women can-
not secure some rights which are common to humanity, for it
necessarily renders them dependent. She can own nothing, be-
cause she is not represented. Women are not allowed to act as
a jury, and if a woman is to be tried for crime, she cannot be tried
by her peers, for no man is the peer of a woman. To be just to
the female race, let them either take back the principle that man
has a right to trial by his peers, or grant the same to them. Man
can choose his occupation and labor in the sphere he pleases, and
be honored. Not so with woman. Her sphere is prescribed and
circumscribed, literally and intellectually, and on account of the
narrowness of her sphere of action, she is often driven by desti-
tution into crime, and man, whose position is so different, cannot
understand the temptations to which, under such circumstances,
she might be exposed. If she were not wronged by the repre-
sentation she has, still self-representation is her right. The stat-
ute books speak of him and his, but seldom of her and her’s. It
is said that the husband and wife are one. Aye, but that one is
the man; when she marries she legally dies, in almost every
sense, and her husband is held responsible, (at least in some of
the States,) should she commit crime in his presence. No dis-
tinction is made by the laws between man and woman, for on our
statute books she is classed with infants and idiots, whereas the
distinction ought to be between the good and the bad, between
right and wrong, and not between the sexes. The property fea-
tures of existing laws are also wrong respecting women. The

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141
husband has a legal right to the earnings of the wife, and can
spend them for liquor, while she and her children suffer for the
necessaries of life; and having entire control over her, all busi-
ness is required to be done in his name, be he ever so bad a man.
The woman should have power to control her own earnings, when
the husband fails to provide. If the laws pertaining to co-part-
nership were applied to husband and wife, it would at least be
just. Besides, the husband has a right to bind out the children
to whom he pleases, without the consent of the mother. Wo-
man is not her own, but a piece of property, belonging to father,
guardian or husband, transferred from one to the other, and from
the cradle to the grave. "And can all these oppressions thus in-
flicted, fail to fall back upon the authors of them ? In laying
the foundation for the future character of her children, will not
the effects of the mother's position and treatment be visited upon
them? And after all, she is told that she is not equal to man,
nor her capacity equal to his. This is adding insult to oppres-
sion. Let him grant her as favorable a state of things as his own,
then, and not till then, can her capacity be known. Who cannot
see the injustice of the law which, at the death of her husband,
gives her only the use of one third of the property, but
upon
her
death, gives him the whole, throwing out the implication that the
mother has not the heart for her childrens' wants that the father
has.
WOMAN'S SPHERE. — “We would have all unnecessary and ar-
bitrary barriers thrown down; we would have every faith laid
open to woman as freely as to man. Were this done, and a slight
fermentation allowed to subside, we should see crystalizations
more pure, and of varied beauty. We believe the Divine energy
would pervade nature to a degree unknown in the history of for-
mer ages, and that no discordant collision, but a ravishing harmo-
ny would ensue. * As the friend of the negro assumes
that one man cannot by right hold another in bondage, so should
the friend of woman assume that man cannot by right lay even
well-meant restrictions upon her. If the negro be a soul - if
the woman be a soul — parallel in flesh, to one master only are
they accountable. There is but one law for souls, and if there
is to be an interpreter, he must come not as man, nor as the son
man, but as the Son of God.”—Margaret Fuller Ossoli.
*
of

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THE HUSBAND'S RIGHT TO THE WIFE'S PERSON.—“If a wife elope,
and go away from her husband without cause, the husband may
sieze
upon
her
person and bring her home; he may imprison her,
to prevent her going off, and also to prevent her squandering his
property. The wife can never, by any act of her's, place herself
in such a situation as to deprive him of his marriage right to her
person. Here woman is one or two of the links in that chain
which encompasses you about. Did you ever feel their lightning
grasp ? if not you are happy indeed. But let us make an inqui-
ry or two: Why is all the power vested in the man? Why
make no provision for the protection of the woman's marriage
rights, or has she none for which to contend? Can he be allowed
'to elope or destroy her property ? It would seem from the rules
laid down to regulate such offences, that the transgression was all
on one side. Let the wrecks of the inebriated family — the down-
trodden victim of man's perfidy and base sensuality ; the broken-
hearted wife, whose affections lie crushed and withering at the
feet of ruined hopes and broken vows — in thunder tones of de-
spair, give evidence in this matter. But here comes another link.
The wife, being a dependent, in a suit for divorce brought by the
husband, and convicted of adultery, shall not be entitled to a dow-
er in her husband's property or real estate, or any part thereof,
nor to any distributive share in his personal estate, (mind, it is
always his property, his estate.) Is not this one-sided justice
with a vengeance ? yes, a vengeance that sets on the offending
wife. Not only the civil law, but public opinion persecutes with
unrelenting fury, a wife who steps aside from the prescribed rules
of propriety, while at the same time a husband walks forth with
unblushing face, though guilt and pollution be upon his soul, and
is upheld in his wicked course by the same law and people which
crushed out the life of his wife. Why does not the law allow the
innocent wife to retain the third, nay, the whole of his property,
when he is found guilty of the above crime ?”—L. E. B. M. B.,
Dansville, N. Y.
I feel that it is high time for all the lovers of humanity to be
up and doing; and especially is it the duty of every woman who
desires the emancipation of her sex, to come out, take a decided
stand, and make herself known as one wishing to aid in the ele-

NARRATIVE.
143
vation of the position of woman. We all have a work to per-
form, and every one should be at his post, armed with the sword
of truth, and shielded with the breast-plate of righteousness.
Our prayers will be vain and fruitless, unless we make some ex-
ertion ourselves. God has given us the instruments to work with,
and I trust will aid us and dispel the night when might makes
right, which has been handed down by selfish men from one gen-
eration to another, until we find them here, deeply rooted in our
own United States — the country which boasts of its freedom,
its morality, and its intellectual resources. Yes, we actually find
them here, darkening our otherwise fair escutcheon, giving a
sombre hue to the stripes and stars, as they float in the breeze
above our heads. O, when will man learn that true greatness is
goodness! But let us not despair, but labor on cheerfully, for
there is a brighter day dawning — the future is full of hope —al-
ready the idea has gone abroad that woman is a human being,
and consequently has rights of her own to protect, and which are
as dear to her as man's are to him.”—0. C. A. W., "Newport, N. Y.
In the language of another, (adopting it as our own,) we would
say:
History's "dark bges?" sands
With us are nearly run;
In orient sky already stands
A bright, refulgent sun.
The millenium dawns upon us, when “the lion and the lamb shall
lie down together”— when the wishes of the feeblest woman,
made known in words of love, shall be as much respected as the
thundering commands of a Hercules. Were the people of the
earth ever to remain tigers and hyenas, of course it would be
useless to attempt to elevate woman, for brute force would keep
her down. But thanks be to the Great Superintendent of the
universe, the spirit of progression is abroad. And as well might
bigots attempt to chain the lightnings of heaven, as to prevent
society from moving forward. They may stand still and serve as
mile-stones along the road of progression, showing how far we
have gone past them. They cannot prevent the trade winds of
reform from wafting the glorious ship along, and though it
may lay at anchor for a season, as fast as soundings can be taken,
and the correct channel ascertained, a bold crew mounts the ship,

144
NARRATIVE.
weighs anchor, and it is off to the confines of the waters newis
explored. Here she may anchor again, but it will be soon un-
moored, and another advance made, after having made the neces-
sary surveys.
In conclusion let me say to those who oppose the just and equal
rights of woman, that they are as short sighted as they are sel-
fish. The elevation of woman cannot but re-act favorably, and
in turn prove a blessing to man. Every chain with which he fet-
ters her, is but one his blindness forges for himself. Deriving
his being and early culture from her, if her views are enlarged
and noble, the same will be impressed on his plastic mind; but
if, on the other hand, they have been degraded, she will impress
upon him groveling and base thoughts and passions. Gentle
reader, think you it will not be so ?
ELLEN STEWART.
CHAPTER XXII.
SOME ACCOUNT OF THE LIFE, CHARACTER, AND DEATH OF MY LATI
HUSBAND, MR. CYRUS STEWART.
He was born in the state of Connecticut, in the year 1795,
whence his parents removed to the state of New York, when he
was a child. He was first married at the age of eighteen, to Miss
Lucy Swan, of the same state, and of equal age, by whom he had
seven children, five of whom are still living, two sons and three
daughters. He professed religion several years before he left
the state of New York, and was baptized, uniting with the
Church, and was remarkably called of God to preach the Gospel,
which call, though he deeply felt his insufficiency, he never
doubted. He met with many difficulties, trials, and losses in
property, which as chastisements, he attributed to his unfaithful-
ness in the work to which he was called, and was driven by ex-
treme poverty, to try his fortune in Ohio, whence he removed
with his family about the year 1843. Here he struggled hard

NARRATIVE.
145
with adversity -- having to support a large family and procure
medicines for a beloved wife, continually sick — for five years.
At length, having accumulated some fifty dollars, he ventured to
purchase some twenty-three and a half acres of land with some
improvements, in Copley, Summit county. His captivity in pov-
erty's vale now appeared to turn, and prosperity, in a measure,
cheered him, and though his sons had left and gone for themselves,
he succeeded in paying for it. His companion in life died in the
triumphs of Faith; and in his loneliness he sought another and
succeeded, which, on several accounts, has appeared providential.
Though perhaps two persons more diverse in temperament and
constitution, were never joined in wedlock, I trust it has been for
our mutual improvement, affording opportunity for mutual for-
bearance, patience and gentleness; to one party, a lesson of self-
control and moderation, and to the other, of moral courage and
independence, before unattained. He was not what is usually
termed " a great preacher,” but took his stand on Bible ground,
or the doctrine nuw generally received by all the orthodox, and
proved his positions by the Scriptures. He usually spoke with
energy and great earnestness, and much in the Spirit. He was
frank and out-spoken, and possessed not those fine feelings and
winning qualities which command the esteem of all. He was
strictly honest in his dealings with mankind, and in adherence to
truth. Several years before his death, he was thrown from a
horse, striking with his right side upon the frozen ground, and
injuring his liver, which ever after disabled him from hard labor,
and caused him to linger out the remainder of his life in suffering
and pain, and frequently expressed apprehension of shortness of
life. Often has he inquired of me what I would do with this or
that, when he was dead and gone, and knowing him to be easily
disheartened and very nervous, I usually answered by asking him
what he would do with them when I was dead. On Saturday,
September 12th, we attended a two days' meeting about three
miles from home. He appeared greatly to enjoy the opportunity,
and expressed in glowing language the goodness of God to him
in the past, his resolutions of faithfulness, should life continue
and assurance that when the earthly house and tabernacle was
dissolved, he should find a house and home in heaven. We at-
10

146
NARRATIVE.
tended again at nine o'clock, and he appeared equally to enjoy
this opportunity. We came home about two o'clock in the after-
noon, and in the evening he ate a hearty supper, appearing unu-
sually cheerful. About sundown he complained of feeling unwell,
and laid down until between seven and eight o'clock, when he
arose, heard me read the first two chapters of Joshua, and then
read himself the third and fourth chapters, remarking with appa-
rent pleasure and satisfaction on the exit of the Israelites over
the river Jordan, after which he sang a hymn and prayed. We
retired at night, and before nine he had passed the River of Death.
He complained of a pain in his breast, arose, took some camphor,
sat a few moments on the side of the bed, and then fell back on
his pillow, struggling for breath. There was barely time to light
8 candle before his life and sufferings closed, and his spirit fled,
I trust to a happier state. He had by reading and observation
become convinced that the laws were unjust to the widow, which
injustice could only be prevented by a written will and testa-
ment. This he provided some months before his death, bequeath-
ing his little all to me.
At the time of our marriage my husband was connected with
& small body of professed Christians, calling themselves United
Wesleyans. For convenience, and believing them humble and
sincere, I united with them, and for a season religious prosperity
seemed to attend us; but at length division and schism crept in,
and the little church disbanded, leaving us again out of any
church
connection. Having experienced the evils of schism and sectari-
an selfishness, we concluded henceforth, for the remainder of life,
we had but one work to do, é. e., to serve our Maker and genera-
tion to the best of our ability, and build up, not any sect in par-
ticular, but the common cause of truth and righteousness. With
this view we made short excursions, as health and circumstances
admitted, where we could have appointments, and preached al-
ternately, thus casting our bread upon the waters, hoping to
find it after many days," and went forth weeping, bearing pre-
cious seed, in hope of returning by and by, joyfully bringing our
sheaves with us. Though we saw not much fruit of our labor
for the present, we at least experienced the truth of that passage
of Holy Writ: “He that watereth shall be watered himself.”

NARRATIVE.
147
Very precious were the seasons we enjoyed when thus employed,
and vivid was our sense of Divine approbation.
Hearing that the “ Church of God,” so called, were to hold a
camp-meeting near East Liberty, Summit County, about the year
1852, we attended. Here our acquaintance with this people
commenced, which I think providential, and in answer to many
and earnest prayers that God would condescend to open to me
doors of usefulness. Though the answer at first seemed rather
repulsive than encouraging, yet it has resulted in matter of re-
joicing aud great thankfulness on my part to God. At the camp-
meeting above named, were some persons who had heard me
speak at the Methodist meeting-house, near what was formerly
called “Wily's Mills,” in Springfield, and who expressed a desire
to hear me from the stand. This occasioned a consultation of the
committee appointed to regulate the preaching department, who
decided that the novelty of a female preacher would divert the
minds of the people from the truths preached by males, and was
therefore not admissible. Here I would ask a question. Would
those men have made such a decision had a female been the bear-
er of the news to them of a large estate having fallen to them,
and of the conditions required for its attainment, especially if
assured of its truth? Where then the propriety in calling in
question their message merely on account of sex, in matters of
more importance? Being somewhat accustomed to such things, I
was not moved, but my husband's feelings being disturbed, he
followed me with entreaties to write to the Church Advocate, in
behalf of what we deemed religious liberty for females, to which
I reluctantly consented, feeling my inability and deficiency of
education, and fearing that on this account my efforts might be
vain. After the first of my letters was published, I waited some
time for the requested instruction, and none appearing in the Ad-
vocate, I wrote a second, in which I challenged discussion on this
subject. This resulted in those discussions with Revs. Johnston
and Weishampel, hereafter recorded. After several years ac-
quaintance with this people, and finding their doctrinal sentiments
much in accordance with our own, and believing our faith and
usefulness might be increased by a connection with them, not as
a sect or party detached, but as the children of the same great

148
NARRATIVE.
family, named in scripture as existing in heaven and on earth.
And so far as they have given evidence of belonging to that fam-
ily, our fellowship has been sweet; and as readily could I ex-
change hands of fellowship with any or all who give evidence of
As to bigotry or sectarian selfishness, I have seen
enough of them, and from them pray to be kept at a distance,
for the church of Christ is but one.
ELLEN STEWART.
the same.

LETTERS.
149
LETTERS WRITTEN FOR “THE CHURCH
ADVOCATE.'
Oct. 23, 1854.
Quench not the Spirit.”-1st Thess. V., 19."
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :-
Having passed through some
flery trials, and writhing under some chastisements from the kind
hand of our Heavenly Father, for not having yielded due obedi-
ence to the blessed precept contained in the above text, and hav-
ing at length, as we trust, submitted to its dictates, we have
learned the dire effects of disobedience in a manner never to be
forgotten, on the one hand, and the blessed effects or consequen-
ces of submission to God, on the other, by experience, to such an
extent as to fill our soul with endless love and gratitude, and in-
spire an ardent wish to let the light we have thus gained shine
on kindred minds, who may be earnestly striving to be right with
God, asking for the old paths, and saying: “Where is the good
way, that we may walk therein ?" Although the doctrine of
this text is theoretically admitted by all who profess to believe
the Bible, yet we think there is much darkness in the minds of
Christians as to the manner of the Spirit's operations, and the
manner of reducing the above precept into personal practice.
Much has been said and written on this subject, correct in theory,
with which the mind may be stored ; yet from the prejudice of
education, the varying circumstances of life and our constitutional
make, so various are the Spirits operations upon different minds,
that all is shrouded in mystery to seeking souls, till they, yield-
ing, are led, step by step, out of darkness into light. One mys-
tery after another is explained, and then they can say truly," He
led me by a way which I knew not," and the way is all new as
it opens to view. We are speaking particularly of the experi-
ence of christians, not such as quench tho Spirit and draw back

150
LETTERS.
from God, but such as endeavor (leaving the first principles of
Christ's doctrine and going on to perfection) to nourish the fire
it kindles in their breasts, by prayer, obedience and constant
watchfulness.
But such is the darkness of many minds, that they think serv-
ing God implies no more than to observe strictly the prohibitions
and commandments contained in scripture, so far as relates to
outward words and works. Hence they despise those who enter
into the deep Spiritual meaning of the text, and do not quench,
but are led by the Spirit, saying, “we see no necessity for so
much ado, so much preaching, praying, exhorting, &c." As in
olden times, he that is born after the flesh, persecutes him that
is born after the Spirit. The language of the text pre-supposes
that the Spirit operates in some way upon the human soul, not as
upon a block or machine, which can move only as moved upon,
nor is able to resist, but as upon a free and moral agent, who can
at will acquiesce in, or resist the influence, which is represent-
ed under the figure of fire, which may
be
quenched.
The Holy Spirit, proceding from the Father and the Son, is
their Spirit, and one with them, and is called the Spirit of God,
the Spirit of Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the Comforter. In this
text it is called the Spirit.
In the first place, there are things we must not do, and in the
second place some things we must not do. 1st. We must not
pay much attention to the errors and faults of others till the beam
is out of our own eye. 2nd. We must not vote for such men as
will tighten the chains and protract the bondage of those whom
our nation has disfranchised and oppressed. 3d. We must not
quarrel with present dispensations of Divine Providencc. 4th.
We must not be more intolerant than the unbelieving Jews of
old were ; for we have no intimations in Scripture that they ever
closed their synagogues against the Saviour and his apostles, al-
though they called him Beelzebub and believed them all impos-
tors. Secondly. There are some things we must do. We will
mention a few of them: 1st. We must get our hearts right with
God, ourselves baptized with the Holy Ghost and fire, deeply im-
bued with love and charity, and then see to it that above all
things, we have fervent charity among ourselves--not among our-

LETTERS.
151
case:
selves as any one sect alone, but among ourselves, professed fol-
lowers of the Lamb, making no distinction on account of sectarian
difference. 2nd. We must cease to think one sect can have sepa-
rate ends to seek or interests to promote and secure, in building
up the walls of Zion, laboring for the salvation of souls. 3d. We
must acquiesce in the present mysterious course of Providential
dealings with us. To illustrate our meaning we will suppose a
We will suppose an indulgent father has two sons. They
have each an old suit of clothes, which they have nearly worn
out; worn tkreadbare, and in which already some rents appear.
Their kind father brings home for each of them a new suit of
clothes, cut and made neatly and in novel style. Says he, “my
sons lay off your old clothes and put on the new. The
younger
gladly and willingly obeys, but the elder utterly refuses. The
father expostulates and demands his reasons. He replies, “father
I have long worked in this suit. In it I have done many good
things, and enjoyed thy smile and approbation. In it I have eaten
many a good meal, and had many a reason of rejoicing. It seems
identified with my body,— and, as a part of myself, I cannot, I
dare not give it up. Besides, this new suit is in such novel style,
everything about it is so odd and singular. I cannot believe my
father, but some enemy has provided it.” His father being wise
and discreet, does not see fit to use compulsion. So the elder
son wears his old suit, but it confines his limbs, and he is forced
to mend it often ; the patches only “take away from the old, and
the rent is made worse," And he cannot help seeing how suita-
bly large his brother's clothes are — how free his limbs, and to
how much better advantage he works, though he enjoys his fath-
er's smiles and blessings as much or more than before, while he
has reason to believe his own choice does not please him. Poor
fellow ! he is half persuaded to put on the new suit; and if he
does not willingly, he will be compelled to do it, or be left naked.
King Solomon says: “Say not in thy heart that the former days
were better than these, for thou dost not inquire wisely concern-
ing this."
Its office, or the purpose for which it operates on the mind, is
plainly intimated in the text. “For who may abide the day of
His coming," saith the prophet. “He is as a refiner's fire and as

152
LETTERS.
a fuller's soap.” It is then for the purpose of purifying the soul, ,
or uiding it in purifying itself, by fulfilling the conditions on
which the promises are made, and claiming them by faith, ena-
bling them to crucify the flesh with the affections and lusts, and
to perfect holiness in the fear of God. And who cannot see that
the whole design in relation to our happiness must be frustrated,
if we quench, and continue to quench the Spirit, either by not
obeying its dictates, or by positive, out-breaking sin ?
But the query arises, how does the Spirit operate on the human
mind? We answer, in various ways. So far as the creature is
concerned, it operates according to our spiritual state or relation
to God. Thus to the unconverted: He comes to reprove and
alarm, to set his sins with fearful retribution in array before him,
or to entice him by giving him, for the time being, a keen sense
of abused blessings and slighted suffering love of the Saviour,
thus drawing him with cords of love. To the backslider He
comes first, to give him a taste of that sweetness he once enjoy-
ed. Then follows a keen sense of his present condition, condem-
nation for neglect of duty,and a fearful expectancy of judgment,
To the living Christian He comes as a comforter and guide. Hav-
ing entered the narrow way, all of which, except the present, is
shrouded in mystery, he knows not what enemies he must en-
counter, what a thorny path, what difficulties and trials await
him. He has need of a kind friend and guide to watch over him
continually. Such a guide we have, glory be to God! of infinite
wisdom and everlasting strength, to teach us all things, and bring
all things to our remembrance, and to lead us into all truth.
Sometimes He uses human instruments to bring comfort, or
teach lessons of instruction. Sometimes He sends home some
passage of Holy Writ. At other times He makes some affecting
providence speak with the voice of thunder to our hearts, and
we hear in it the voice of God. If yet in our sins, we are alarm-
ed; if in a backslidden state, we feel, like the starving prodigal,
the wretchedness of our condition. If we are earnest Christians,
he speaks by the voice of consolation or direction; sometimes by
the means above mentioned, and often by direct impressions made
upon the mind.
Such, we think, was the way he told Peter: “Behold three

LETTERS,
153
לל
men seek thee, get thee down,” &c.; and said to Philip: “Go
near," &c., and caught him away and sent him to Azotas. Not
that we believe in setting aside the reason and judgment which
God has given us; but every Christian knows, or ought to know,
his Heavenly Shepherd's voice, and when he hears it, nothing is
so reasonable, or displays such superior judgment as to obey and
submit, all the reasonings of Satan, the flesh, or carnal-minded
and wicked men to the contrary, notwithstanding. But woe to
him that striveth with (or against) his Maker. But the query
arises, is there not great danger of fatal delusions, in following
impressions? We answer, there is danger, but no need of being
deceived.
The Bible being our standard, whereby to judge of their na-
ture and tendency, and knowing that the Spirit of God never
dictates contrary to it, we have a sure protection against being
led fatally astray. And to make it more sure, in trying the spir-
its in ourselves and others, we are told that every spirit that
confesses the Saviour and his cross in sincerity and truth, and
leads to greater humility and self-crucifixion (as it must surely
mean,) is of God. We may judge by our present feelings and
exercise of mind, and likewise by the effects our rejection or sub-
mission thereto has subsequently upon our minds.
The Spirit will lead us in the way of the cross, and the cross
will kill our pride and fear of man. If we do not quench the
Spirit, it will lead on till all is right within - all in harmony
with God, and of course with those who truly are our brethren,
till we delight and glory in the cross, and be no longer babes,
feeding on milk, though thirty, forty or fifty years old in religious
profession.
ELLEN STEWART.
MARCH 22d 1853.
Bao. EDITOR :
As in our last we had not room fully to re-
deom our promise, with your indulgence we will pursue our sub-

154
LETTERS.
ject a little farther. As before observed, the detached of Christ's
mangled and scathless flock, placing great confidence in their
shepherds, have been in some instances led by them into desolate
and barren places. At their instance, they have aided to make the
shepherds learned, rich, influential and powerful, and lifted them
up into splendid pulpits, where they have listeners to their eru-
dite and eloquent discourses with admiration, and gazed on them
with superstitious reverence. In this manner they have preached
against oppression, drunkenness and various other vices, while
these very yices grew up to giant size under their powerless
preaching, and the “times that try men's souls” have shown them-
selves to be accessory to them. Many were found so much un-
der the power of false delicacy, that they dared not preach on
the seventh commandment, although Christ told them to teach
the people all things whatsoever he had commanded them. Some
of them are holding their fellow creatures in bondage, buying
and selling them like sheep and cattle - tearing husbands from
wives and wives from husbands parents from children and chil-
dren from parents – and many who do it not, themselves plead
the cause of those who do. Some of them object to the Maine
Liquor Law. Surprising ! As well might they object to strin-
gent laws in regard to the sale of arsenic; for if arsenic has slain
its thousands, alcohol has its tens of thousands. In short, scarce-
ly a crime can be mentioned, but some shepherd, or rather wolf
in sheep's clothing, has done or winked at it, and scarcely any
benevolent or moral enterprise but what has found opposers
among them. What wonder then, that the sheep are scattered
and wandering here and there, poor and lean, many of them hav-
ing followed after their shepherds through barren wastes, where
thorns and thistles choke the good seed. Still, (ever praised be
the name of God!) there have always been, and still there are
some good shepherds, who have been careful not to get into high
places, as to lose sight of the lowly and humble spot where they
first received their mission; and though the ungodly shep-
herds often raise such a fog, and so mistify the truth, that
they could scarcely tell what to do. They have always managed
to keep in with the Chief Shepherd, so as to have good food, clear
water, and nourishing milk for the flock. Occasionally some of

LETTERS.
155
the perishing wanderers have forsaken their narrow and contract-
ed enclosure, to partake with them. Others would regale them-
selves for a meal or two, and go back again, fearing the anger of
their shepherds, and the bleating of the sheep after them. But
for such shepherds, the flock had all perished long ago, religion
been extinct and the Bible too. But these are so much in the
minority, that the question becomes all important and interest-
ing, what course they and their flocks must take, at the present
crisis, in order to insure their own safety, and rescue others who
are likely to perish.
We have heard some ladies complain of the change of the times,
because the improvement in machinery has wrenched from them
the spinning-wheel, the cards and the loom. And men talk as if
the many new inventions were more a curse than a blessing. But
hark ! does God not speak to us through these provinces and say:
“My children, I have other work for you to do. This great sav-
ing of time is mine, not yours, that you may do more work of
mercy and charity, and improve your minds. But far more inju-
rious has been the discontent in matters of religion, and many
appear blind to the hand of Providence in the changes that have
taken place, and cling to old usages, means and measures, with
the tenacity of the elder son to the old suit. Though more than
an hundred years old, scanty and threadbare, they must be mend-
ed up, though the time in doing so is lost, and should be spent in
doing something else. God's method, (when his children become
too much attached to old means and measures,) has always been
to raise up new agents, and substitute new measures, and de-
(signedly such as would prove stumbling blocks and rocks of of-
fence to the bigoted ones, thus destroying the wisdom of the wise,
and bringing to nothing the wisdom of the prudent. Especially
has he dealt so with this generation. He said to the drunkards :
“Forsake your cups - go out and preach temperance to the peo-
ple -- none can depict the horrors of drunkenness like you. And
go ye infidels, in whose breasts sympathy for suffering humanity
still finds a lodgment, preach liberty to the captives. Stop not
to sing a hymn, make a long prayer, then sing again, take a text,
of Scripture, divide and sub-divide, and explain systematically,
but at once enter into your subject, and say just what the present

156
A DREAM.
break every
exigency requires. One take the sword, and strike through the
heart of the slave-holding church; another a scourge, to lash and
wake up a lethargic nation, lest they sleep the sleep of death.
Sound the trumpet aloud. Tell them that this is the feast I have
chosen, that ye loose the bands of wickedness
yoke, and let the oppressed go free.”
Methinks the time has come when the sweetest of their sweet
enjoyments in works of benevolence and mercy, flow from
good and pure motives. If we be found to be in a protracted
work in one place, when we ought to be in another, and about
some other work, we cannot expect God will bless us or our la-
bor. And from the want of wisdom to discern the signs of the
present times, and ears to hear the voice of God in his provi-
dence, and a due dependence on tle leadings of the Holy Spirit,
we fear this is often the case with the shepherds and their flocks.
May not this be the reason why so much labor is lost, and why
there is so much backsliding?
Yours for reform in heart and life,
ELLEN STEWART.
ADRE A M.
When quite young, the following dream proved a great comfort and encour-
agement to my almost desponding heart :
ELLEN STEWART.
When young in years, and young in grace,
I loved and I revered
The saints, and ministers of Christ,
Nor thought they ever erred.
But when some, whom I most admired,
From Jesus went astray,
My soul was shocked, my heart was grieved
Then did the tempter say":
"I such strong men and women fall,
Thou, feeble, ignorant child,
Canst not withstand my wiles at all,
But soon wilt be beguiled.”
My soul was seized with sudden fear,
I thought thereon and wept;
Night drew her sablo curtains round,
I laid me down and slept.

A DREAM.
157
And as I slept, I dreamed I heard
Some one knock at the door:
I said "come in"--a man appeared,
I had not seen before.
In his right hand he held a bow,
And in his left a dove,
Feeble and young, and I exclaimed,
Sweet bird! tis thee I love!
He offered - eagerly I seized,
And pressed it to my heart,
I loved it dearly, and I vowed,
Never with it to part.
Its breast and sides were purest white;
Its back was graved with gold,
Its eyes, as if in diamonds set,
Were beauteous to behold.
I thought I nourished it, until
It strong and vigorous grew,
And daily saw new beauties still,
And still new charms could view.
But hosts of enemies came round
To rob me of my love,
And battles long and sore I had,
Yet still I kept my dove.
Safe in my bosom it was hid,
And guarded there with care,
And they, whatever else they did,
Could not approach it there.
I cried, in Jesus' name, "begone!
For vain is all your hope;
I'll lose my all, I'll shed my blood,
Before I'll give it up."
With horrid grimace, they, I thought,
From me all fled apace,
Then I with joy reviewed my dove,
And gave to God the praise.
I woke, and an interpreter,
Seemed near me, who declared,
The young and feeble need not fear,
Though foes may press them bard.
If they but trust in Josus Christ,
And his commands obey,
He'll give them victory, and at last,
Bright crowns in endless day.

A BRIEF SKETCH
OF THE EXPERIENCE, LIFE AND DEATH OF CAROLINE
MATILDA CASE, L'ATE CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
CAROLINE MATILDA Case was born October 28th, A.D. 1770,
in the town of Simsbury, Hartford Co., Connecticut. She was,
by death, deprived of her mother at the early age of three years.
In certain prospect of death, her mother gave her to a confiden-
tial friend, the wife of deacon Nobles of Simsbury, by whom she
was carefully educated, under the immediate influence of the
Presbyterian Church, which for many years was the only church
in that town. She was taught strictly to observe the outward
duties of religion, but for many years knew nothing of its power
and influence on the heart. At the age of eighteen she was mar-
ried to Mr. GILES Hickox, of the same place. They commenced
their conjugal life in the observance of family devotion, and, in
short, all the routine of outward religious ceremonies. She had
been a subject of the strivings of the Holy Spirit, from childhood.
Yet with all their ceremonial performances, she could find no
peace of mind. Her knowledge of the Scriptures led her to
criticise the conduct of the cold-hearted, hypocritical professors
who surrounded them, scarcely any of whom, seemed to her, to
possess that purity of heart and life, which the Bible describes.
Some five years after their marriage it was rumored in their place
that a new and strange sect had come into à neighboring town.
The people of Simsbury were a good deal alarmed at this rumor,
and expressed a firm belief that these strange people were the
false prophets who were to come “in the last days," and who
should "deceive, if it were possible, the very elect." Conse-

CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
159
quently they not only restrained the promptings of their own
curiosity, but exerted all their influence, and in some instances
exercised their authority, to prevent their children from attend-
ing their meetings. Meanwhile this sect continued to increase,
and widen and extend their field of labor, until at length a door
was opened in the town of Simsbury. As might be expected,
the town was in a complete uproar. Mr. Hickox, having caught
the spirit of opposition which raged in the town, had determined
not to encourage them by his presence, and at the first appoint-
ment he went to the pasture to fetch his horse, for the purpose of
salting him and improving his looks with curry-comb. But on
his return, Mrs. Hickox, from a sudden impulse within, said to
him, “My dear husband, we have heard much about this people,
as being crazy, fanatics, &c. Suppose we go this evening and
hear for ourselves.” Being easily persuaded, he soon consented
and they went. On their arrivalshe was struck with the appear-
ance of the preacher, who seemed to bear his high commission on
his countenance. A spirit of solemnity seemed to pervade the
whole audience, which, notwithstanding the tide of opposition,
was excessively large.
The preacher spoke with energy and in the power of the Spirit,
which fastened conviction on the hearts of many of his hearers;
and Mrs. Hickox, on her return home, like the woman of Sama-
ria, was led to cry out to all whom she saw,
who told me all that ever I did.” From this time forward she
rested not, till she found peace by giving her heart to Christ.-
But she had many temptations to grapple with, and was frequent-
ly buffeted by the great adversary of all good. She had been
taught from her childhood the doctrine of the unconditional de-
cree of election. The devil told her that all her tears and pray-
ers were only an abomination in the sight of God-her heart was
desperately wicked and all her prayers only added to her iniquity
--that she must wait 5 God's time”- that if she was of the elect
he would change her heart in due time, when her prayers would
become a virtue, and ascend like holy incense to the throne ; but
if she was a reprobate that all her exertions to obtain salvation
would only provoke God and tend to sink her lower in the regions
of the damned. But her heart was too deeply probed to be th
CC
come see a man

160
CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
slightly healed. A ray of light from the sun of righteousnese
had come across her soul. She saw that to lie down inactive, was
only to consign herself over to eternal ruin.
Onward ! onward! was her watchword - while pilgrim-like
she pressed her way, crying life ! life! eternal life! Nor was she
permitted long to struggle before relief came. The burden of
sin was removed. The clouds of darkness which had been roll-
ing in wild confusion over her head, just ready to break forth in
dreadful indignation upon her, instantly passed away, and the sun
of righteousness, in all his resplendant glory, lighted up the
moral heavens and shed forth his peaceful rays upon her. The
still small voice succeeded the terrific thunder, and thanksgiving
and praise seemed to come spontaneous, from her enraptured
soul. The unbounded goodness of Jehovah seemed to gather
about her heart, and the richness of his glory to pass before her.
For many days she enjoyed uninterrupted communion with the
Father of lights. But her faith was to be tried. Satan was
again permitted to assail her, which he did, by insinuating, that
though God had done something for her, yet He had not bestowed
upon her saving Grace — that notwithstanding all her joy and
boasted strength, she was yet liable to sink into heil, and would
forever be, unless God should throw around her His electing love
and rescue her from herself and from ruin. A curtain of dark-
ness seemed to be drawn around her, and she was, for a time, left
to struggle in the arms of disappointment and despair. She had
never heard a christian experience, which, perhaps is not strange,
since all classes of professors were not at all scrupulous about
joining with the people of the world in what they called their
“civil recreations,” (anniversary dances, &c.) and their halls of
recreation and amusement were not unfrequently graced with the
presence of the holy pastor. However innocent such amuse-
ments may be, they seem never to have called forth expressions
like that of the Psalmist, “Come unto me all ye that fear God
and I will tell you what he hath done for my soul.” But though
she could not profit by the experience of others, she was not for-
saken of the Holy Spirit, who came in due time and drove back
every cloud of doubt and darkness, by the brightness of his own
glory, and brought again joy and gladness to her heart. She now

CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
161
found if she would follow Christ, it must be by taking the cross
and obeying the divine injunction, come ye out from among
them.” She was firm and resolute in her Christian course, which
brought upon her the persecution of many of her relatives who
thought they did God service by placing obstacles in her way.
Her husband did not openly oppose her, but being a witty man,
he employed this gift of nature in trying to bring her course into
ridicule. When she wished to attend a quarterly meeting at a
distance, he refused to go with her, but would saddle the horse,
place the portmanteau in order, and give her his whip, saying:
“My wife wants to ride the circuit with the Methodist preachers
I suppose she must have her way.” But she was steadfast,
always abounding in the work of the Lord, not fearing to own
Christ in the great congregation, and her voice was frequently
heard in the prayer-circles. By this means she brought a flood
of persecution upon her, she being the first female who spoke
publicly in that place, for the people thought it a great shame for
a woman to speak in the church. But by faith in Christ and per-
severance in the path of duty, she soon had the happiness to see
her husband yield his heart in submission to Christ and engage
heartily with Him in the way which leads to life. They united
with three others, one man and two women, in a band, under the
watch-care of the M. E. Church. They suffered much reproach
and persecution, but were not forsaken by the Great Head of the
Church. For three years they continued together like lambs
among wolves — a little flock against whom not even the gates
of hell could prevail — much endeared to each other by the ties
of mutual suffering and Christian friendship. At this period they
emigrated to Canandaigua, Ontario County, New York. Mrs.
Hickox felt much grieved at parting with her Christian friends,
not expecting ever again to find a people with whom she could
enjoy so sweet a fellowship. But the Lord in His goodness cast
their lot in the midst of a little band, who like those they left,
were laboring to build the Redeemer's kingdom upon the earth.
To these they joined themselves about the year 1799. Here
they lived in Christian union and fellowship with the church un-
til February, 1828, when they emigrated, with four of their
children, three sons and one daughter, one son and two daugh.
11

162
CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
ters having preceded them to the township of Granger, Medina
County, Ohio. Here she was called to wade through the deep
waters of affliction. She deeply deplored the very apparent, de-
clining state of the church among all denominations of Christians
and was sickened with that narrow, contracted, sectarian bigotry,
which divides the professed children of the same family, and
drives the Spirit of Christ from the church. Such a state of
things prevailed to an alarming extent even among the ministers
and pastors of the church. At the protracted meeting held in
Granger, in the winter of 1835, she united with the Methodist
Protestant church, together with her husband, five of her chil-
dren, and four grand-children, an account of which was published
in the Methodist Correspondent the same year. She continued a
worthy member until death. But she had other trials to pass
through. In the fall of 1833 she was called to witness the death
of a beloved daughter, Mrs. Lamanda Spencer, aged 35 years, who
after four days of the most extreme suffering, bid farewell to all
things earthly. While she exhibited all the sympathies of a
mother, she also manifested a remarkable degree of Christian for-
titude and resignation. On the second of April, 1836, she was
called to part with her husband, and in December following with
her eldest son, aged 43 years, and also a grand-son of eleven
years of age. In the spring of 1839 a daughter-in-law died,
leaving a family of five little children, one an infant of ten days
old. She immediately took charge of the family, and nourished
them with all the tenderness and solieitude of an own mother,
for the space of more than a year, when her health failed, and
she was compelled to desist from her labor of love. It was with
great reluctance that she parted with the dear infant she had su
long and carefully nursed, to be carried off and committed to the
care of strangers. In January 1840, she was called to part with
her youngest son, William, who came to his death instantly. He
repaired to the woods after breakfast, in usual health, in company
with a nephew, to engage in chopping for the forenoon. He
worked about an hour, when he suddenly fell, and died without
uttering a word. Though the news of his sudden death was
shocking to all his friends, his aged mother sustained it with great
fortitude, and after a moment's agitation, her placid and serene

CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
163
countenance showed the calmness and resignation of her heart.
While her health and strength permitted, she was a constant ata
tendant on the means of grace, and for the Sabbath she ever had
a particular regard. The Bible was her constant companion, and
she perused it with great apparent attention and delight. When-
ever she spoke of herself, it was with the utmost reserve and
abasement, and she frequently expressed an earnest desire for
holiness of heart. She took great delight in the exercises of
prayer and praise, and though her health was declining, she con-
tinued to frequent the prayer-meeting, even on foot if no convey-
ance offered, until she was past seventy years of age. Nor did
she attend in vain. In her slow and solemn manner, she vocally
called upon the name of the Lord, and frequently sweet answers
of peace descended from the Most High, evidently in immediate
answer to prayer. She often spoke of great conflicts with the
Tempter, and of her proneness to distrust the faithful promises
of God, but for the last few years of her life, her faith in God
seemed to be established and unwavering. Her children were
always borne in her arms of faith, to the foot of the throne,
where she poured out her soul in prayer. She was ever ready to
give them advice in regard to temporal, as well as spiritual
things; and being possessed of a discriminating mind, of excel-
lent judgment and economy, her advice and counsel were fre-
quently sought, and were worthy of regard. But her concern
for the spiritual welfare of her children was most ardent. If
any of them are so unwise (not unfortunate) as to make their
beds in hell, no doubt her many prayers, her tears and solemn
admonitions will increase their torments, and tighten their chains
in the prison-house of woe. For those of them who went before
her, she mourned not, as those who have no hope, for they all
gave evidence of a hopeful conversion to God. In the three parts
of the country where she had spent her life, all could bear testi-
mony to her disinterested hospitality and affectionate kindness.
She relieved the distressed, fed the hungry, clothed the naked,
visited the widow and the fatherless in their affliction, and also
“kept herself unspotted from the world." Few have exceeded
her filial kindness to her aged father, who came and spent the
last few years of his life with her. She was a person of great

164
CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
candor and piety, and in her manner and address she was pleas-
ing and easy. Few persons of candor and piety have spent much
time in her presence, without feeling that she was a woman of
excellent character, and of great moral worth. Her house, while
she kept one, was always a home for the poor wayfaring messen-
ger of peace, of every name. The last eleven years of her life
were spent in the loneliness of widowhood, but none doubted
that she was a widow indeed, and though desolate, trusted in
God and continued night and day in supplication and prayer.
Her declining state of health prevented her from attending meet-
ings the last few years of her life, except at intervals, which she
regretted very much. But her heart was ever with God and his
people. She suffered much from bodily disease and pain, for a
few months previous to her death, but she showed great patience
and resignation to the Divine will. Often have I heard her say
that she was waiting for her Lord, and lived in constant expecta-
tion that he would come — that her hope was like an anchor to
her soul, sure and steadfast. Having resided very near her for
the last thirty-three years, and sustained the relationship of
daughter-in-law to her, that length of time, I can testify, that so
far as can be expected of mortals subject to infirmities of
body and mind, she lived not only a harmless, blameless life, but
also a useful one. From our first acquaintance, I have had a
growing esteem for her; and more especially for the last eleven
years, have I realized my attachment to her, for being left a wid-
ow, the same as herself, in 1836. My feelings towards her have
been very similar to those of Ruth towards Naomi. Often have
I thanked the Lord for such a mother. I have frequently listened
with deep interest to her early experience, and resolved to write
it down, but neglected doing so until after the commencement of
her last illness, when not being present, I feared I had lost the
opportunity. Hastening to her bedside however, I found her in
full possession of her reason, and able to give the assistance I
needed, which she did with great solemnity and with tears. She
said that for many weeks she had felt no temptation, and not a
cloud had passed over her mind, and that she had no anxiety to
live. The sting of death was taken away, and it was evident her
mind was quiet and peaceful, and she had nothing to suffer or fear,

CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
165
except her bodily affliction. One day she was asked, "Does the
religion you loved in health, afford you support and comfort now?":
She answered, "It does.” On the Sabbath before her death, a
minister visited her. On shaking hands with him, she inquired:
"Now shall we not have some praying ?” After some conversa-
tion the minister prayed in a very feeling and affecting manner.
When he closed, knowing she was very drowsy, I asked if she
heard the prayer. “A part of it,” said she, “and O! how
sweet!” For the last eight days she slept almost constantly,and
took very little food or drink. She appeared quite easy, except
when moved, at which times her suffering was extreme. The
last two days she appeared insensible to all below, and then, with-
out a struggle or a groan, she fell asleep in Christ, on Friday
morning, May 21st, 1847, aged 76 years, 6 months and 23 days.
Her funeral was solemnized May 22d, by a large and respectable
assembly of people. Sermon by Rev. Mr. Disbro of Medina,from
the 90th Psalm, 10th verse: “ The days of our years are three
score years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be four
score years, yet is their strength labor and sorrow, for it is soon
cut off and we fly away.” He first shewed that the time of man's
death was not unalterably fixed, but is, in a certain sense, in our
own power. If God fixes the time, by His decree, He must use
the means. Hence, murders, suicides, &c., must be decreed,
which must criminate the Almighty, or make them virtuous acts.
Second, he compared the shortness of human life at the present
time with that of the antediluvians, and with the ages of eterni-
ty, making it appear like a mere speck, in point of duration.
Third, he spoke of the complaint, by some, of the shortness of
life - proved it long enough if rightly improved, and long enough
if wasted and abused. He then closed with a few appropriate
remarks.
The deceased has left four children, twenty-eight grand-chil-
dren, and nineteen great-grand-children. She was followed to
the grave by her 4 children, 17 grand-children, and 5 great-grand-
children.
Farewell, dearest mother, the Master is come,
Thy mansion is ready, He calls thee, “ Come home”-
The angels are ready to bear thee away,
To join in their chorus, in unceasing day.

166
CAROLINE MATILDA HICKOX.
Fareweil, dearest mother, the rest thou did'st crave
Is ready for thee, go thou to the grave;
Thy Saviour is ready with all His bright throng,
To welcome thee home, with the harp and the song.
Thy children are ready, O! could we but say
To follow thee home in the blest narrow way;
To treasure thy counsels, thy prayers and thy tears,
And thy good examples, in thy former years.
The field of thy sowing with tears in time past,
Shall yield thee a plentiful harvest at last.
Thy children shall rise up, and say thou art blest,
And labor and toil for the same glorious rest.
Farewell, dearest mother, in a good old age,
Having done thy part well, thou leavest the stage;
Lead on, we shall follow thee close in the rear,
To the fourth generation, we press to thy bier.
Farewell, dearest mother, thy kindness and love
We'll try to remember, and meet the above;
Though forced now to weep, we believe thou art blest,
And joyfully thank God for giving the rest.
Farewell, dearest mother, to thy funeral we go,
And hide thy remains till the last trump shall blow,
And summon us all to eternity's shore;
Oh! then may we meet, to be parted no more.
ELOY HICKOX.
Mrs. Caroline M. Hickox was my much loved and respected
mother-in-law mother of my first husband. This sketch I
penned from her own lips when on her dying bed. This tribute
to her memory will be gratefully received by all her surviving
friends.
ELLEN STEWART.

DISCUSSION WITH REV. WM. JOHNSTON.
LETTER FROM ELLEN STEWART ON FEMALE PREACH-
ING.
COPLEY, Ohio, August 22, 1851.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :-
As you have, and I expect deservedly, the reputation of a re-
former in this nineteenth century, permit me, though a stranger,
to address a few lines to you on the subject of Female Preaching.
Reformation is perhaps as much needed on this subject as any
other. And if ever the Church shall rise to a state of purity,
perfect liberty of conscience will be enjoyed by females as well
as males, and receive equal encouragement in whatever good work
they are moved by the Holy Ghost. We think, although our
land is pre-eminently a land of liberty, and a land where Bible
truth and the light of the glorious Gospel has done more to ele-
vate woman, than in any other land; and although the Constitu-
tion of our nation proclaims liberty of conscience to every citizen ;
yet, that through the prejudice which still prevails, to a great
extent, in all ranks of society, her privileges are curtailed, her
rights of conscience violated, and she is borne down by oppres-
sion, which has not only crippled her intellect, and in many in-
stances driven her to insanity and suicide, but has and does rob
God of the declarative glory for which she is and was created
the Church of many a brilliant light and efficient helper, and the
world of that counterpart service which it needs in order to its
conversion. All this, in our opinion, originated in} those dark
ages, when the love of power led the Church into apostacy-when
selfishness (as it always does) led the strong to oppress the weak.
And as the Church has but partially emerged from her fall, surely
it must be an important part of our work to remove every weight
and hinderance to Zion's prosperity ; and such surely are these

168
DISCUSSION.
relicts of moral apostacy and heathen superstition which make &
distinction between male and female, whom Paul declared to be
all one in Christ Jesus. Such a distinction our God never made
under the Old Testament dispensation, and such a distinction our
Saviour did not make by his teachings or example in the days of
his flesh. All this is founded on a wrong interpretation of two
passages of Paul's writings, as recorded in 1 Cor., 14: 34-1
Tim. 2: 12. I say, a wrong interpretation, as I conceive it to be
from other passages of his own writings, where he speaks of wo-
men prophesying with their heads covered or uncovered: which
plainly shows that he allowed women to prophesy; which, accor-
ding to his own definition, was to speak to edification, exhorta-
tion and comfort. And, according to Peter at the day of Pente-
cost, it was to speak forth the wonderful works of God.
The Apostle Paul speaks of Phebe, a servant of the Church at
Cenchrea, and enjoins it as a duty on the true yoke-fellow of
Christ, to help those women that labored with him in the Gospel,
&c. I cannot see why we have not as good reason to infer that
they preached the Gospel, as any have that they did not. Beside
these, he mentions Tryphena and Tryphosa, which labored in the
Lord, and Persis, who labored much in the Lord. Now, the idea
of laboring in the Lord, pre-supposes that they themselves were
in him, and possessed his Spirit, and were led by that Spirit thus
to labor in him. “As many as are led by the Spirit of God, are
the Sons of God, and as the woman is not without the man, nei-
ther the man without the woman in the Lord;" but the one sex
is merged in the other. As marriage only makes them one flesh,
it follows that they are individual souls, and each must act and
answer for itself — each must understand the inward teachings
and leadings of the Spirit respecting their individual duty. The
same Apostle bids us not to quench the Spirit.” By which he
must mean that we should obey its teachings; and if we ought
to obey God rather than man, I ask, what shall a woman do if
she believes the Holy Spirit moves and commands her to go and
preach the Gospel ? If you say, let her go-she ought to know
better than
person what is her duty, and should have
the liberty to do it; this lenity and this admission, if it be right
and according to the spirit of the Gospel, involves still another
any
other

DISCUSSION.
169
duty, -- that of defending this right. Ye are set for the defence
of the Gospel as ministers thereof. It is your duty to speak in
favor of the right, deliver the oppressed, support the weak, and
encourage the
poor and desponding soul. If you say no, it is
wrong, and contrary to the Old and New Testaments, then we
challenge the proof. It is time some elaborate Scripture argu-
ments were forthcoming ; for the female mind, like pent up fires,
threatens to burst its bonds, and there is danger of its out-grow-
ing the iron casement prepared in darker ages. If it does, it will
need the Bible for a guide, and a right understanding of it is in-
dispensable.
Either He (God) does call some women to preach the Gospel,
or he does not, and never did. If the Church is sure the nega-
tive is the truth, let her prove it. But if the positive, let it be
demonstrated, that she and her ministers may know their duty
to those concerned in the matter. Whether the one or the other
be true, 0 ye masters in Israel, the female race needs and is en-
titled to your sympathy and the encouragement ye are able to
give. We fully believe no one can prove the negative from the
Scriptures, and for this reason no one has attempted it, except by
throwing out hints from the pulpit, seminaries and public prints,
to the effect that woman's appropriate sphere is by the couch of
the sick, and feeding and clothing the poor and destitute. The
Church will even admit of visiting for religious conversation and
prayer. All this we admit we ought to do, to the extent of our
ability. But if he calls to, and qualifies for other duties, ought
we not to obey ? Who shall say we are not in our appropriate
sphere in so doing? Our Saviour approbated one of our sex,
because 'she had done what she could' for him. Then, if we think
he calls us to preach, and we can preach, ought we not to preach ?
and have we not reason to expect his approbation in so doing ?
Now, Rev. brethren, and all who are opposed, please to tell us
how much less we may do for our Saviour than we can do, and
meet his approbation; or who of you will take the responsibility,
and account for us before our final Judge.
Yours truly,
ELLEN STEWART.

170
DISCUSSION.
OUGHT WOMEN TO PREACH THE GOSPEL ?
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER:
In
my former letter I endeavored to throw what light I could
on the subject of female preaching, hoping thereby to elicit in-
struction from abler pens, and heads replenished with biblical or
theological truth. Long and anxiously have I waited for some
remarks, but in vain.
Brethren, how shall I interpret this universal silence ? Shall
I conclude, according to the old adage, that it“ gives consent,” or
must I think it the sullen silence of disgust and contempt? Or,
is it the silence of caution, policy, expediency? It is true, this
is an unpopular subject, and the different sects of professing
Christians, who have encouraged females in the right to preach,
while they were few, weak, persecuted and unpopular among the
abler and more powerful sects, as soon as they, in their turn, be-
gan to rise in numbers, wealth and respectability, have begun to
give it less countenance, (the Quakers perhaps alone excepted,)
till, meeting with so much to discourage it, it has become mostly
extinct. Now, from all this may I not fairly infer, that when the
church gets sufficiently on her guard against rising in pride, and
desire to be respected and honored of men; and that if she, in
the same proportion as she rises in numbers, wealth and power,
preserves her humility and spirituality inviolate, this cruel, un-
natural, unscriptural distinction between the sexes, in matters of
conscience, will forever cease to exist.
One of two things is true: Either some females are moved by
the Holy Spirit to preach the Gospel, or some of them are under
a mistake; a mistake which causes them great mental and phys-
ical suffering. And does it not form a question, not only worthy
your attention, but imperiously demanding it? Is it not your
duty, as under-shepherds of the flock of Christ, to meet it with
sound Scripture arguments, and thus defend the Gospel from im-
posture, and the ignorant and erring from running before they
are sent ?
If the affirmative be true, are not your obligations equally im-
periouş, inasmuch as the Saviour takes what is done to His little
ones as done to Himself,—"inasmuch as ye did it not to one of
the least of these, ye did it not to me." If, then, ye can relieve

DISCUSSION.
171
the handmaid of the Lord from a fancied obligation, which in-
volves her in mental suffering of the keenest kind, from needless
labor, sacrifice and shame, by a little pains, ought ye not to do it
forthwith? On the supposition that God does call them, ought
ye not to plead their cause, and meet their assailants with con-
vincing reasons and sound arguments, and to comfort and strength-
en them while contending with difficulties and opposition, from
which, if men did not shrink back, we should call them heroes ?
We think, in the present state of things, that the very fact
that there are a few women who preach, is presumptive evidence
that God has called them. For what but the purest motives
could induce a modest, sensible woman, to pretend to any such
thing, when she knows the world will treat her with scorn, and
church-members and ministers generally will treat her with neg-
lect. Of a bashful and retiring nature, she does violence to her
feelings, and acts contrary to her own desires and wishes, hu-
manly speaking. She takes a public stand, making herself a
spectacle to angels and to men. Exhausted with an effort almost
beyond her strength, she is often met by expressions like the fol-
lowing: “A woman preaching ! there are men enough to do the
preaching.” “I'll not go to hear a woman; she cannot teach
me !” “What she said was well enough, if it had been a man
saying it," &c.
In an assembly of the reputed followers of Christ, ministers
present, whom he has called to preach or prophesy, relate their
experience and mental exercises about preaching ;- one unknown
sits by, in whose breast every word finds a response, to whose
experience it answers as face answers to face. But would it be
received if that person should tell the same sort of experience in
public ? No, and why? Do you not believe her a sincere Chris-
tian? Yes; her character is unblemished ; I believe she has the
Spirit of Christ; her gifts are respectable ; but I do not believe
women ought to say anything about preaching. Such would like-
ly be the sentence. The sister feels at the same time that she
has a message for the people, and silently awaits the decision of
the ruling authorities. They decide that she shall not have the
privilege to preach; and why? Simply because it is a female,
and fears are entertained that the novelty of a woman preaching
will only divert attention from the truth.

172
DISCUSSION.
I would ask if God never made use of novel means to bring
multitudes under the sound of the Gospel, which has proved the
power of God to salvation, to those led there by mere curiosity ?
And if a woman preach the truth, (which she will do if called of
God, and aided by His Spirit,) will not the preaching, instead of
diverting the minds of the people, be the more impressive, and
firmly fix it in the memory? If it be proved that any one of the
sex ought to preach, it will follow that all are entitled to liberty
of conscience, and their rights ought to be respected the same as
those of men. Why, then, do our brethren treat this subject
with neglect? If there are no female preachers in the church of
God in Pennsylvania, there are two in Ohio, and some in other
parts of the country; and there have been some in every age.
Then why not discuss the subject, so that, if right, it may be tol-
erated and encouraged, or if wrong, put down at once.
ELLEN STEWART.
THE PORTION OF WM. JOHNSTON'S LETTER REFERED
TO IN THE FOLLOWING “REPLY."
The true preacher and preaching have been the chief instru-
ments which God has made use of for spreading abroad his eter-
nal truth, from the earliest period of people associating togeth-
er for his worship. We have a beautiful account of the ancient
manner of preaching, in the eighth chapter of Nehemiah, from
which time till the appearance of Christ, public preaching was
universal. Nor does it appear from the Scriptures that God chose
his preachers from the sexes indiscriminately; for all the preach-
ers we have any account of were men. Hence among the preach-
ers of the Old Testament times, we find the names of Enoch, No-
ah, Solomon, &c.; but not any female names. And
among
all the
preachers of the New Testament who were called, commissioned,
and sent forth to preach and baptize, we do not recollect of any
women being called to this important work. Time and room

DISCUSSION.
173
would fail me, to take notice at present, of those passages of
Scripture where honorable mention is made of various women
who ministered, prophesied, and labored, in the days of Christ and
his Apostles. But I will, if spared, take up this pleasing subject
hereafter, and shew that their WORK was something different from
preaching, baptizing, and planting churches. In the mean time I
would say that, if any brother or sister will shew from the Scrip-
tures, that women were called to do the work of an Evangelist, to
make full proof of their ministry, to preach the word, and to
study to shew themselves work-women that need not be ashamed,
rightly dividing the word of the Lord; it would be something
new to me, and to many others, who desire to know the truth as
it is in Jesus.
Yours, Truly,
WM. JOHNSTON.
REPLY
To a part of Brother Johnston's Letter, in the Church Advocate
of October 16, 1852.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER: --
Please accept my thanks for your favors of August 28th and
October 16th, and believo me I feel like thanking God and taking
courage, since one of the privileged sex, who hold the preroga-
tives by Divine appointment, has condescended to give us a kind
of side-wise glance on the subject of female preaching. Like the
Syrophenician, we have followed them with entreaties, and al-
though we are unworthy to eat the children's bread, he has given
us a promise of a few crumbs hy and by. We hope he will not
long delay, for we are an hungered ; and when they come, we
must have the privilege of analyzing them by the searching light
of God's truth, and if they agree with this rule, we will feed on
them thankfully. To fill up the tarrying time, our brother has
thrown us a puzzling chain, which we will now sit down and pa-
tiently try to unravel.
In the first place he says, it does not appear that in Old Testa-

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DISCUSSION
ment times, God chose His preachers from both sexes indiscrimi-
nately, inasmuch as men's names are mentioned as preachers, but
not those of women. We answer, the females' names not being
mentioned, is no proof that there were none, any more than their
not being mentioned at any public assembly, is proof that there
were none present. Nor is the mention of a few of the most
prominent speakers, proof that there were not others present
who might be equally prominent.
In the second place, in New Testament times, the mention of
any women who were commissioned and sent forth to preach and
baptize, he does not recollect. We answer, this is no more proof
in the latter than in former times; and as to baptizing, we do not
suppose that they were, or ever will be, commissioned of God to
do that which he has not endowed them with strength to do.
But although they cannot immerse the massy body in the pearly
stream, they can use the more majestic power of speech in per-
suading men to believe and be baptized. Our brother has prom-
ised, if spared, to show that their work is something different
from preaching. That is right, brother; prove from Scripture
that the holy women of old, nor any in New Testament times,
ever preached righteousness, if
But we think it will
not be an easy matter to do so; although it may be easy to prove
that they were employed in all other manner of good works, and
should be at the present day likewise. But it will be admitted
that their gifts differ as much as those of men, and their peculiar
work and calling must be as various as their circumstances and
capabilities. It is true, the prominence is given to men. In the
Old Testament God said: "He shall rule over them” – in the
Now, that "man is the head of the woman.” This is all right.
But it is not chiefly because God has endowed him physically
with greater powers of endurance. He was first created in the
image of God, and for His glory; and the woman for the glory
of God and man as an helpmate of the latter, in doing the will
of the former, as co-workers in saving the lost race of mankind.
There is the spirit, as well as the letter of the Bible; and often
portions of the letter are (by those who are either ignorant of
Scripture er destitute of its spirit,) arrayed against the spirit
thereof.
you can.

DISCUSSION.
175
Our brother says, if any brother or sister will show him, from
the Scriptures, that women were called to do the work of evan-
gelists — to make full proof of their ministry — to preach the
word — to study to show themselves approved, or work-women
that need not be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth, it
would be something new to him, and to a great many others.
Now, although I do not spend much time in telling them new
things, yet I can tell him of women who did the work of an
evangelist in New Testament times; and I could tell him of some
who are doing it now. Our dictionary says, the work of an evan-
gelist is to instruct in the Gospel. Anna, the prophetess, did
this when she spoke of Jesus to all them that looked for redemp-
tion in Israel. The woman of Samaria did it, when she spoke
the word of life to the men of her city, and many believed on
Him for her saying. Wonder the Saviour did not rebuke her
sharply, and put an end to such innovations at once. Priscilla,
in company with her husband, instructed Barnabas and others
more perfectly in the way of God, or the Gospel ; and Saint Paul
speaks of women who actually labored with him in the Gospel.
People usually understand, when we say a man is laboring in the
Gospel, that he is preaching in connection with other means.
But how came that great apostle to say
that women were labor-
ing with him in the Gospel, who said he suffered not a woman to
teach, and it was a shame for a woman to speak in the church,
&c. ? It must mean something else. They will have it, that it
was some secular labor, perhaps mending clothes for the men-
preachers, or washing their dishes. But I understand the same
thing by women laboring in the Gospel, as by men doing it. And
the way I understand it is in perfect keeping with the spirit of
the Bible, and true Gospel, or true religion. For when a female
gets converted, she feels just as a male does. And the Spirit
leads her exactly to the same things, speaking in general terms.
It does not lead all men to preach ; neither does it all women;
but the Spirit they receive is diffusive in its very nature, and that
precious love, like a fire shut up in their bones, struggles for vent.
O, what love to God! what admiration of his character and un-
bounded goodness ! what love to saints ! what love, pity and
compassion for poor sinners! Their very soul is melted; their"

176
DISCUSSION
heart is pressed, as a cart beneath its burden. And does God, or
the spirit of the Bible, say to men, ye may disburthen your
hearts, confess me, tell to all my goodness; follow my Spirit if it
calls; if it leads you to preach, preach? And say to the female,
keep silence; subdue these feelings; shut up my grace within
you? If the Spirit calls if it tries to lead, you shall and must
quench it, grieve it till it leave you, and love die within your
hearts ? O, no, no; it cannot -- it cannot be. We must labor.
And with us reformers and free-soilers, the term “work-woman"
is a title of honor; although it may be a term of reproach with
the rich, idle aristocracy; or those opposed to female preaching.
They may call us "work-men," if they like the term any better.
St. Paul might have addressed some of those women, doubtless,
in the same words that he addressed Timothy. But why he did
not, we cannot tell; unless it was because they had studied so
diligently, and made such full proof of their ministry, that they
did not need it.
When our brother writes, if he pleases, we wish he would tell
us the difference between preaching the Gospel under the New
Testament, and prophesying under the Old, or between preaching
and prophesying under the New Testament or the Old.
We also refer him to our arguments in the Church Advocate, in
our first letter, written, we think, in March, and published some
months after, in 1851..
ELLEN STEWART.
Copley, Summit Co., O., Nov. 21, 1852.
WM. JOHNSTON ON FEMALE PREACHING.
TO SISTER ELLEN STEWART.
DEAR SISTER :-It gives me much pleasure to learn that I have
been the cause of your “thanking God and taking courage;" for
it is my chief aim to encourage or incite my brethren and sisters
to "faith and good works.” And I pray God, that my humble
labors, either in the pulpit or with my pen, may always have this
tendency. But, dear sister, you appear to have mistaken my

DISCUSSION.
177
character, for I never considered myself as “one of the privileg-
ed sex, (or classes,] who hold prerogatives by Divine appoint-
ment,” unless these prerogatives are expressly pointed out in the
Scriptures of Divine Truth. You yourself say: “And as to bap-
tizing, we do not suppose that they (females) were, or ever will be,
commissioned to do that.” Here, then, you refer a prerogative to
“the privileged sex,” which you do not claim; not because you
are unable to “immerse the massy body in the purling stream,”
I hope, but because no such prerogative has been conferred upon
you by Divine appointment. This is in exact accordance with
our own views on the subject, and we consider it no great conde-
scension to tell you so, in meekness and love. But, to the law and
the testimony: if we speak not according to that word, it is be-
cause there is no light in us.
And first, let us turn to the commission given by our Divine
Master. Matt. 28: 19, 20 — Go ye, therefore, and teach all na-
tions, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son,
and of the Holy Ghost ; teaching them to observe all things
whatsoever I have commanded you ; and lo, I am with you
always, even unto the end of the world. Amen." Upon an ex-
amination of this commission, we find several things worthy of
our most serious attention. First, the place where it was given
-- the Mount of Olives, where Jesus had appointed to meet his
disciples. Second, the eleven -- all men — although he had many
female disciples who followed him, and ministered to him of their
substance. Third, the work here enjoined to teach and bap-
tize, in the name of the Great God – Father, Son and Holy
Glost. Fourth, the duration of this great commission — "Lo, I
am with you always, unto the end of the world.” Now, dear
sister, if it had been the will of our blessed Master to employ
females as well as males, to do the work here enjoined, is it not
strange that he did not make an appointment for both sexes to
meet him there, that both might have their commissions directly
from himself, and also at the same time? But perhaps you will
again answer, that “the females' names not being mentioned, is
no proof that there were none present.” But let us recollect
that when the Scriptures are silent, it becomes us poor unworthy
servants to be silent also. Now, if this commission is of any
-
12

178
DISCUSSION
force in the present day, it is evidence that females are not au-
thorized to do the work there commanded, as it was exclusively
addressed to males; so that I still contend that we are not in-
formed in the New Testament of any female that was ever com-
missioned and sent forth to preach and baptize. And as our
dear sister has failed to show us a single instance to the contrary,
I must still adhere to the views expressed in a former article un-
der the caption of “Preacher," published in the Advocate some
time ago.
Preaching, or teaching and baptizing, are inseparably connected
in the Scriptures; and what God hath joined together, let no man,
or woman either, put asunder. If women are called to preach,
they are called to baptize, and it will not do for them to try to
shuffle out of it by saying that God has not commissioned them
to do that which is above their strength; for he has endowed
many of our sisters with as much physical strength as he has
either brother Kyle or myself, and some of them with a great
deal more; so that those who have the strength, might “im-
merse (if they were cailed,) the massy body" just as well as we
can. I might rest the subject until our sister shows us from the
Holy Scriptures, that the male minister of the Gospel has the
preaching and baptizing to do ; while the female minister has only
to do the preaching ! But this, perhaps, would not satisfy our
I will therefore take some notice of the different names
or appellations by which the preachers of primitive or New Tes-
tament times were designated — such as Bishop, Pastor, Elder
and Evangelist. These different appellations do not mean differ-
ent offices, but have reference to different parts of labor, per-
formed by the same officer; and these officers or preachers were
called, appointed, ordained or set apart in the different churches,
to perform the labor signified by these different appellations.
Hence, the great Apostle of the Gentiles, in his first epistle to
Timothy, 3: 1 to 7, tells him: “If a man desire the office of a
bishop, he desireth a good work ;" and then goes on to state that
this bishop or elder “must be blameless, the husband of one
wife, one that ruleth his own house," &c., and that he should
lay hands (or appoint to this office) suddenly on no man; (5:
22) and that he (Paul) wrote these things unto him, that he
sister;

DISCUSSION.
179
might know how to behave himself in the house of God, which
is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of truth."
(3: 15.) Again, this same Apostle gives similar directions to Ti-
tus, saying: “For this cause I left thee in Crete, that thou
shouldest ordain elders in every city, as I appointed thee. If
any (man, not woman) be blameless, the husband of one wife;
for a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God," &c., &c.
See chapter 1: 5 to 9. Again, he directs his epistle “ to all the
saints in Christ Jesus, which are at Phillipi, with the bishops and
deacons.” Phil. 1:1. The labor or work assigned the elders,
bishops, evangelists and deacons, is recorded in various parts of
the Scriptures; as in Acts 20 : 28; 2 Tim. 3: 2, and 4:1, 5; Ti-
tus, the whole of 2nd chapter; 1 Peter, 5 : 1, 3. In these passa-
ges their duty is to “feed the flock of God;" to "preach the
word, make full proof of their ministry.” They are to preach
and baptize, and teach men and women of all ages, whether
young or old, the teaching which God bids them, by the mouth
of inspiration. Yea, these things they are to “speak, exhort and
rebuke, with all authority.” Now, dear sister, if women were
Divinely appointed to do the work or labor enjoined in the above
Scriptures, is it not strange that neither the Great Head of the
Church, nor his inspired Apostles, have given us the least intima-
tion of it? Where, I ask, do we read of Christ or his Apostles
appointing female bishops, elders, evangelists or deacons, either
in the church or out of it? Why, just nowhere! Yet these
bishops, elders and evangelists were preachers, teachers, exhort-
ers and rebukers; and were to do all this labor with authority.
It appears to me, dear sister, that you “Free-Soilers (?) [are
Free-Soilers an order of teachers in the church of God in Ohio ?}
infer female preaching as our Pedo-baptist neighbors do infant
baptism, from passages of Scripture which say just nothing at all
about it!
“Now, (say you) although I do not spend much time in telling
new things, yet I can tell him of women who did the work of an
evangelist in New Testament times; and I could tell him, too,
of some who are doing it now.” Indeed! Well, so I can tell
you of many holy and pious women who are doing the work of
an evangelist now, as far as instructing people in the truths of

180
DISCUSSION
the Gospel is concerned. Every pious female Sabbath-school
teacher is doing this; every pious mother, who rules well her
household, bringing up her children in the nurture and admoni-
tion of the Lord, is doing this; every holy and happy sister in
the church, whose heart yearns for the salvation of her fellow
creatures, and who by her words and actions exhorts them to
“flee from the wrath to come,“ is doing this. And yet, with
their hearts overflowing with love to God and man, never think
of taking the field as a preacher of the Gospel. And why? Be-
cause, like me, they do not believe that the Scriptures of truth
authorize them to do so. For want of room I must close.
Yours truly,
WM. JOHNSTON.
REPLY TO ELDER WM. JOHNSTON.
DEAR BROTHER JOHNSTON:-
If it gives you pleasure that you have
caused me to thank God, and take courage, we are mutually con-
tributing to each other's happiness, and may the Lord grant that
others may be benefited. If God has appointed males to do all
the work, and hold all the offices in His church, to the exclusion
of females, certainly they may be said to hold prerogatives by
Divine appointment. And as to women baptizing, you have driv-
en me to think and search on that subject; and I conclude, that
if the commission to preach the Gospel reaches them, that of
baptizing does also; and that as a general commission, water
baptism is connected with preaching, but not inseparably. If it
were, no individual could discharge his duty as a preacher, with-
out baptism, whereas there are exceptions among male preachers.
There have been faithful ministers all their days, who from cir-
cumstances have not baptized. St. Paul, in Corinthians, declared
that Christ sent him not to baptize, i. e., not chiefly, but to
preach the Gospel. The exception on the side of males must be
of those who do not baptize; and on the side of females, of those

DISCUSSION,
181
who do; but I see nothing in Scripture why they might not bap-
tize, if commissioned, and physically qualified for so doing.
Bnt you say, to the law and to the testimony. So say I; let
me stand or fall by that. You say it appears to you that an or-
der of teachers here in Ohio, infer female preaching from passa-
ges of Scripture which say just nothing at all about it. Now,
dear brother, let me tell you in love and meekness, that all the ar-
guments you have yet produced against it, are inferred from pas-
sages of Scripture which say “just nothing about it.” Your
arguments are wholly based on the assumption that, because in
most instances the names of males only are mentioned, at the in-
stitution of ordinances, and that almost all the precepts, threat-
enings and promises are addressed in the masculine gender, while
females are seldom mentioned, or addressed as such, therefore
they have no part or lot in the matter. But let me remind you
that from the first creation, for convenience and brevity, not wo-
men alone, but all the race were merged in the term “man," and
both sexes called Adam, by the Creator, in the day they were
created, Gen. 5 : 2. In relation to God, as Spirit, in offering
up spiritual sacrifices and responsibility to Him, they are one.
The two are said to be one flesh, but not one soul. Each is to
answer for himself before God, and different duties grow out of
different relations. But as God designs to save the human race,
by human agency, here again their work is one, i.e., by all means
to save as many as they can. There is no distinction of sex in
the decalogue. In Exodus, 1:12, God institutes the passover.
No mention is made of females. In verse 24th, he says: And
ye shall observe this thing throughout your generations, for an
ordinance to you, and your sons forever. But had their wives
and daughters nothing to do with this ordinance ? In the 15th
verse he says, “Whosoever eateth leavened bread from the first to
the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel." He
speaks of the household eating it ; if so, the women were includ-
ed, unless you make it out that they had no souls. If women
have no souls, bless the Lord, I can say as the old Africau said,
when he was rejoicing in God. His master told him that “
groes had no souls.” “Well, massa,” replied the colored man,
“then religion make my body happy.” So I must say, if we
CC
ne-

182
DISCUSSION
(G
have no share in religion, we feel a happy identity with it. Again,
at different times, Jesus said, “ He that hath ears to hear, let him
hear.” Whosoever is athirst, let him come unto me and drink.”
Scripture shows that both sexes did come and drink, and both
were active in His service, as His providence and Spirit called for
their services. Under the Old Testament, Deborah was both a
judge and a prophet. Huldah was a prophetess, Miriam likewise.
And God said to Israel, when expostulating with them concern-
ing sin: “I sent before you Moses, and Aaron, and Miriam."
Should we infer, because the Scriptures tell us of but a few, that
there were no more than they mention, and construe that infer-
ence into a rule or law, and because the eleven disciples went
away into a mountain to see their Lord ascend, infer that no more
men, and no women were present, and on this account restrain
the aspirations of his handmaids ? So long as the Book does not
tell us, have I not as good grounds to infer that there were many
present, both male and female. That He chose twelve apostles
is true, answering to the twelve patriarchs or tribes of Israel, be-
ing in point of order, the first twelve stones laid on the rock as
foundations of the building, built upon Christ, the chief corner
stone.
The commission was a general one; first to them, then to all,
in all after ages, whom He should call. After His ascension He
sent the comforter to guide His people into all truth. But for
Him, how should we know whether we ought to preach or not.
If he did not take this general direction, and apply it to particu-
lar individuals, saying “thou art the man, or woman, go thou
and preach the kingdom of God, there must be great confusion ;
but now each may know for himself what is duty. This agrees
with the declaration of Paul: “The Gospel I preach is not after
man, for I neither received of man, nor was I taught it, but by
the Holy Ghost."
As to the offices mentioned, of Deacons, Elders, Bishops, &c.
They were not mentioned by Christ, but left to their discretion,
and adopted by the apostles as the best measure for the governing
and care of the churches. Fatigue, persecution and dangers re-
quired great physical strength. A rare exception only, of the
females, could have endured it. But we seek no office, and it is

DISCUSSION.
183
not necessary that all preachers should be bishops, elders or dea-
cons, so constituted by men. How then can you say these offices
are inseparable from preaching the Gospel ?
You say that I have "failed to prove or show a single instance
in the New Testament, of any female who was sent to preach the
Gospel. I cite you to Phil. 4th, where women labored in the
Gospel. To the last chapter of Romans, where Tryphena, Try-
phosa and Persis labored much in the Lord. To Phoebe, servant
of the church, and Priscilla. To Mary and other women whom
the Saviour and His angel sent to bear the top-stone of His fin-
ished mission, and tell the disciples that he was risen from the
dead. To the woman Christ sent, or inspired to go, to the men
of her city, and many believing on Him, for her testimony; and
Anna testifying in the temple, and speaking of Him to all who
looked for redemption in Jerusalem, and women prophesying on
the Day of Pentecost, with men. And, dear brother, until you
can prove from the Holy Book that prophesying is not preaching,
or that none of these women preached the Gospel, I shall insist
on both. I agree with you, that pious women are doing the work
of an evangelist, so far as instructing in the Gospel is concerned.
Every Sabbath-school teacher and pious mother, who teaches the
Gospel to her children, does it. What is the difference, then, if
teaching them to repent and believe in Christ, is preaching the
Gospel, whether she preach it in Sabbath-school, in her family,
or if (providing she has brought up her family,) she is single, and
can devote her time, without infringing on any other duty, and
believes herself called of God thereto, or for this purpose holds
public meetings. By your own admission there are none, except
in the extent of her labors and the convenience of speaking to
the
many instead of a few. And where do men get their author-
ity to take this convenience exclusively to themselves. I may
teach two or three at a time, or the Sunday-school, or families;
the Gospel and men will approve, and Christians and ministers
praise me; but if I appoint a time and place to teach the same
things, in public, it becomes a crime in their estimation. Though
it furnishes me with the same breath and labor as an opportunity
to teach a thousand. “She has done what she could," said the
Saviour, with approval How much less than we can do, may we

184
DISCUSSION.
see,
do, and yet be approbated of Him. And who, of all of you
who
oppose, will answer for us to our Judge.
But how it looks, they say, to see a woman in a pulpit ? what
a desecration of that sacred place ? Indeed! and how does many
things, and almost anything look that we are not accustomed to
But what is a pulpit ? — a piece of board nailed together,
painted, perhaps varnished and curtained, with a gilt-edged Bi-
ble in front; and upon him who occupies it we gaze, often with
a superstitious awe and reverence, near akin to that with which
the Roman Catholics gaze upon him who fills St. Peter's chair,
or the Ephesians gazed upon their goddess or their temple. But
what if God does not come with lim into the pulpit, and grace
it with His royal presence; can it then be sacred ? What if it
be a splendid house, with a towering steeple, with a proud priest
and wicked people. Is not then the place where the Lord, the
Holy God, meets with His meek and humble poor — rich in
goods, but poor in Spirit, and aids and inspires the worship-He
requires far more sacred honor and glory.
ELLEN STEWART.
DISCUSSION WITH J. F. W.
FEMALE PREACHING.
Woman is the “ second and revised edition" of man, so far as
her feminine passions are concerned. She feels with more tense-
ness, pities with more tenderness, and loves with greater fullness
of soul than man. These improvements in her nature, over the
harsher and more unfeeling nature of man, are necessary to adapt
her to her lawful calling — to be a wife and a mother.
But they
do not elevate her abové man, nor do they raise her up to be
equal with man. The husband of the queen may be the king
that rules a nation, but she is not entitled to the same right and
power. So, by Divine edict, “man is the head of the woman.”
This same rule applies in every case where authority and ruling
are concerned -- whether in political or ecclesiastical matters;
and when I see women presuming to dictate to men in those

DISCUSSION.
185
things, I think they have forgotten their business, and stepped
out of their proper sphere. When a woman sets herself up as
superior in wisdom to a whole ecclesiastical body, who are gov-
erned by God's Word, and in the imagination of her heart, thinks
she could not indentify herself with that body, without stepping
down from her high position, I conclude that it is well for such a
body to do their own business in their own way, without her aid
and co-operation.
SR.
J. F. W.,
Will you
ور
LETTER FROM SISTER ELLEN STEWART.
COPLEY, Ohio, Feb. 12, 1855.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :
suffer me, through your paper, to reply to an article
by J. F. W., found in the Church Advocate of February 1st, under
the caption of "Female Presumption." In the first place, he
says that woman is the “second and revised edition” of man, so
far as her feminine passions are concerned that she feels more
intensely, pities with more tenderness, and loves with greater
fullness of soul than man. The writer acknowledges these to be
improvements in her nature, over the more unfeeling and harsher
nature of man, and then he declares in effect that the great Cre-
ator did not design that this “second and improved edition" of
man should thereby be raised to equality with him. Now we
would ask, does not this idea depreciate the Divine wisdom be-
neath that of human writers ? For what writer or editor ever
issued a second edition of any work, but with the intention that
it should occupy at least as high a position as the first?
Again: He intimates that though some of the female race have
been raised to stations of power, they are not entitled to the
same right and power as man when in the same station. This is
new to us. We are ignorant as to the degree of power conferred
by men upon queens, and can only speak on that subject as the
Scriptures warrant. It appears from Judges, 4:3, 5 and 6, that

186
DISCUSSION.
Deborah judged and commanded Israel by Divine authority.
And by the same authority the mandate of Huldah the Prophet
ess was implicitly obeyed; and if to judge and command is not
to rule, what is ruling? In Genesis we are told that God bless
ed the first man and woman, and called their name Adam when
they were created, which shows that he counted them one.
His choosing for places of power and responsibility from both
sexes, shows the same. His choosing the female more seldom, is
easily accounted for on the ground of physical weakness, as few
of them had strength enough for heavy work — muscular or ner-
vous strength sufficient to slay oxen, sheep and calves, burn sac-
rifices, sprinkle blood, &c.
Under the New Testament dispensation the same truth appears.
Mary and Elizabeth bore early testimony of the Messiah. One
man and one woman proclaimed Him in His infancy in the tem-
ple. A woman preached Him in Samaria. Women labored with
Paul in the Gospel, and carried the news of Christ's resurrection.
Christ, in approving of a woman for doing what she could, guar-
anteed to other females liberty to do what they can for Him and
their fellow-creatures, His Providence and Spirit directing. St.
Paul declares there is neither male nor female, but we are all one
in Christ Jesus. True, God said to one, " Thy desire shall be to
thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” And St. Paul said:
" The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head
of the church.” But in what sense ? Certainly not in such a
sense as to destroy her individuality or responsibility to God, or
her will and choice; for this would not be, as Christ is
the head of the church. Nor could the desire of the wife be to
her husband, if he ruled as a tyrant. “ Christ is the head of the
church, as the first-born among many brethren, in loving them
and giving Himself for them, and in their being called by His
name.” He rules in love. And St. Paul said, "Let every one
of you in particular so love his wife as himself - love her as his
own flesh, nourish and cherish her.” He that thus loves his wife
loves himself. Surely such a husband would be a desirable head,
and well might the wife confide in him ; and both being in Christ,
in the Scripture sense, we can see nothing why they could not be
co-equal in privileges, and sweetly harmonize in all the labor and
exigencies of life.

DISCUSSION.
187
Woman's nature, as the brother says, is adapted to the calling
of wife and mother. But to say that this is her only calling,
would be as absurd as to say of men, that to be husbands and fa-
thers is their only calling. And as all men are not husbands, nor
all women wives, they must be allowed to have some other call-
ing. Both have minds to cultivate, and intellectual powers to
use, and where, in Scripture, is either sex authorized to either
prescribe or circumscribe the sphere in which the other shall act?
This very idea, that they are not equal, has been the source of
oppression of woman by man. If they counted them their equals,
one code of laws would have answered for both. But under this
persuasion, they have made laws that deprive her of all but a
third of his property at his decease, but give him the whole in
case of hers; place the children at his disposal, so that a drunken
husband
can, if he chooses, tear her children from her embrace,
and bind them out to a drunkery or a brothel. They have de-
prived her of the right of a voice in choosing law-makers, or in
the laws by which she is governed. They compel her to pay
taxes without representation, and have enacted many other laws,
equally if not more oppressive. Our nation has declared that all
men are born free and equal. And is not this declaration irre-
spective of sex, color or condition; and does not the right of
free speech belong to women, as well as men ? Are not women
the greatest sufferers by the vice of drunkenness and seduction,
and often equally so in other vices; and may she not have any
part or voice in making laws for their suppression ? May she
not lift a warning voice, nor bear testimony against ungodly ru-
lers, and the unrighteous laws they make ? Are not ecclesiasti-
cal bodies, so called, composed of individuals, and as such, equally
liable to err; and is it not the duty and privilege of every Chris-
tian, male and female, if they think they err, to point out the
error, the same as if it were an individual ? Or if they can throw
any light on any subject of general importance to the church; if
by expressing their thoughts, they may elicit thought in acting
bodies, which may lead to profitable action in behalf of the
church, and for the good of souls, ought they not to do it?
But the brother thinks that a woman who should accept any
such thing, has forgotten her business and stepped out of her

188
DISCUSSION.
sphere. We would ask him if it is not the business of overy
one of God's dear children, to do whatever they can, which they
hope may do good? And is not endeavoring to be useful in eve-
ry possible sphere, equally the duty of them all, male and fe-
male ? If not, surely Priscilla was sadly out of her sphere and
forgetful of her business, when in company with her husband
she took that " eloquent minister, so mighty in the Scriptures,"
Apollos, and taught him the way of God more perfectly. Expe-
rience and observation demonstrate, beyond successful contradic-
tion, that whole ecclesiastical bodies are sometimes very unwise ;
and though they profess to be governed by God's word, and
think they are, yet through the darkness of their mind, and the
power of custom and tradition, have sadly departed from its
spirit, and committed acts of sore oppression. If it is wrong for
a sister to say aught to a body of men, it is wrong for her to
teach or instruct an individual minister. And cannot a sister,
who has severely felt the bruisings of the heel of ecclesiastical
tyranny, address a body of ministers and brethren whom she
loves and confides in as reformers, on the danger of erring in the
same way? And fearing from some of their measures that they,
when possessed of numbers, wealth and power, will almost un-
consciously, as it were, slide back into sectarianism and denomi-
national pride and self-importance, and thinking we see a way in
which the church might be even more secure from these dangers,
may we not say we think we have a little the start of them ?
Do not all dissenters say so, in effect, in regard to those from
whom they dissent? And can we not, with our present views,
defer uniting with any denomination, without thinking or setting
ourselves up as of superior wisdom, or that it would be stepping
down from a higher position ? Brother, this is hard judging.
We confess we may have erred in using too great freedom and
familiarity in writing, and all our ideas may not be correct, for
we lay no claim to infallibility; and we thank any one for trying
to set us right. But on the ground of our sex, we have no con-
cessions to make.
Yours, in search of truth,
ELLEN STEWART.

DISCUSSION.
189
FEMALE PRESUMPTION AGAIN.
In this age it is running no little risk to dispute any of the as-
sumed rights of women. It is thought, by some, a dreadful
thing that the Americans have determined that none but native
born Americans shall rule their country; but if we do not look
sharp, it may be, the women will carry the reform still further,
and show us that they will rule it? A few years ago some of
the champions of this reform exchanged the female dress for the
pantaloons — a little too soon, however, - to qualify them the
better for the ruling power, soon intended to be assumed by their
-
sex.
The female correspondent of Copley, Ohio, dilates largely up-
on my recent article on “ female presumption,” and quotes a num-
ber of instances in Scripture to prove that women have the same
right that men exercise. I think of all her communications, the
last, and the one to which I alluded in my late article, are the
weakest. I always admired her writings till she set herself up
as a censor of ecclesiastical bodies, announcing to the world that
she could not join the “Church of God," because she thought
she had the start of us, &c.— I quote from memory.— And now
she compasses heaven and earth, to prove that women are equal
to men. And because women have no vote at our elections, no
seat in our legislatures and upon the judicial benches, she raises
a great cry of oppression.
I shall notice only two cases by which she attempts to prove by
divine authority that women have the same right to rule as men
have, her other quotations having no bearing upon my position in
relation to women's rights. The first is in Judges, 4th and 5th
chapters. Here she thinks is strong proof that they have the
same right to rule as men. But the facts are, that the children
of Israel had backslidden and sinned so wantonly against God,
that he sold or gave them into the hands of a Gentile king ; and
during their twenty years of servitude, God seems to have placed
a woman (Deborah) over them as a judge, because all the men
had sinned. This looks to me as either a case of necessity, be-
cause there were no pious men to appoint to the office, or else
that the Lord designed to humble the nation by appointing a wo-
man over it. And I am willing, whenever there are no more

190
DISCUSSION.
pious men in the land, to manage the affairs of the Government
or Church, that our fair friend of Copley shall assume the com-
mand and judgeship of both the Church and the State.
Again: In 2 Kings, 22 : 15, she quotes the case of Huldah, as
another instance of female rulership. But it appears that Hul-
dah was only the agent of a man, for the Lord said to her :-
“Teil the man that sent you to me,” &c. Whenever the said cor-
respondent sees fit to connect herself with some ecclesiastical
body, and they cannot discern what is the meaning of God's
word, and then send her to the Lord to find it out, I have no
doubt they will be willing to receive her message.
I am no foe to the right of thought or speech, but I am fully
convinced that females were never designed to rule the world,
nor the church. They are help-meets for men, and although more
refined in some respects, are yet not equal in all respects to men.
I go for the right of females to preach, when they feel called of
God to do so; but I like to see them live right and then preach.
I know one female, who, among many like her, claims the right
to preach, and has attempted it, but whose conduct is so repul-
sive to those who are acquainted with her, that she has lost all
the influence she ever had. If the Copley correspondent is called
to preach, why does she not go and do it; and if she wishes to
make herself useful, why does she stand aloof from all bodies,
crying out against all? Or, does she expect to see the day when
female influence shall predominate, and think then to set up a
new order of things?
In conclusion, Mr. Editor, let me say, I have given my opinion,
and
your
female correspondent has not changed it. If she thinks
she can reform us, as a body, let her write; and if she can at
length change the political aspects of the country, so as to get the
right to yote and hold office, why then we tyrants and cruel oppres-
sors of the female sex will have to give in. That's all. I shall
not probably cross her path again in her reform measures. II
she will come to the East to preach, I shall try to be present as
a hearer,
Respectfully,
SR.
J. F. W.,

DISCUSSION.
191
ELLEN STEWART'S REPLY TO J. F. W.
COPLEY, Ohio, April 24, 1855.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :-
On one occasion God said, “Let Ephraim alone; he is joined
to his idols. We perceive that it is of little use to produce
Scripture arguments in replying to our brother on “Female Pre-
sumption;" for we strongly suspect that he has at least three
idols : Ist, Sects; 2nd, Ecclesiastical supremacy; and 3d, The
superiority of the male race over the female. This we judge
from his sensitiveness in those quarters. He need not be alarm-
ed, for there is no danger; but men of his mind will keep a sharp
look-out against females carrying the reform too far; and if they
are enabled to carry it far enough, it will be by an influence more
powerful than merely an exchange of dress, though doubtless a
decided reform is needed in that quarter. We can see no cause
of alarm on the part of the men, though in making improvements
they should approach a little nearer their own convenient cos-
tume, or of thinking, on account of such reform or improvements,
that they intend to assume the ruling power.
He says of all the articles we have written for the Advocate,
the two he alludes to are the weakest. We think it more strange,
if some of them are weak, than that they are not all so, which
they certainly are, comparatively; but weak as they are, they
seem to have produced a powerful effect on J. F. W., and the
weakest ones the most powerful, inasmuch as they have called
forth his earnest and spirited animadversions. Surely it must be
because we touched points on which he is most tenacious. We
expect he is a member of the Church of God, at least nominally
- perhaps a minister. He can see faults in other ecclesiastical
bodies, and very likely speaks or writes of them. If so, he judges
us for doing the same things he does himself, i. e., sets himself up
as a censor of ecclesiastical bodies. If he were asked why he did
not join some other body of Christians, he would say, “Because
I think we are nearer the heavenly rule and order of God than
any other body whatever." This is no other than saying he
thinks he has the start of them all — the same thing at which he
is offended in us. “Thou that preachest a man should not steal,
dost thou steal ?" But what makes it so offensive is, it is a fem
male that says these things.
-

192
DISCUSSION
We wish that brother would point out to us one thing, under
the Gospel, that is a sin for a woman, that is not sinful in a man
also. In regard to our great cry about women having no seat in
our Legislatures, no vote at our elections, and no seat on our Ju-
dicial benches, and compassing heaven and earth to prove that
women are equal to men, we only ask him, and all men of his
mind, to just reverse the picture, and suppose the women in the
men's places, and the men as dependent as they are, and suffer-
ing all the legal disabilities that the women suffer; while the
women, having the power, make oppressive laws, and if the men
attempt to expostulate with them, or plead their own cause,
taunt them with sinister motives, and a wicked ambition to get
the power into their own hands. As human nature is the same
thing in male and female, would we not see as great a compassing
of heaven and earth, and hear as loud a cry of oppression among
the men, (with the same degree of light in regard to human
rights,) as now among women ? But it is characteristic of all
oppressors to be exceedingly sensitive in regard to any movement
of the oppressed to throw off the yoke. Yet we trust in our
highly favored and enlighted land, the oppression complained of
by the female race has not been wilful on the part of man, but
for want of greater light than was ver before given to the world
on human rights. That light is gradually rising upon us, and
produces the agitation which so much disturbs our brother. But
we would suggest a kind and sisterly caution:“For if this work
be of God, ye cannot overthrow it ;" but if it be of such inferior
beings as women, no danger but “it will come to nought; lest
haply he be found fighting against God.”
Of the passages of Scripture we quoted, he deigns to notice
but two, which are Judges 4th and 5th chapters, and 2 Kings,
22:15. “Here,” says he, “she thinks is strong proof that wo-
men have the same right to rule as men.” And how can we think
otherwise ? If into a woman's hands God puts the reins of Gov-
ernment, she has as good a right to rule as a man. Has not the
Queen of England, whom you say men have empowered to rule,
just the same right to rule as a man empowered from the same
source ? He says, because the people had so sinned and back-
slidden that there was not one pious man left to set over them,

DISCUSSION.
193
God was driven to the necessity of setting Deborah on this high
station; or else he designed to humble them, by placing such an
insignificant, inferior being as a pious, godly woman over them.
And if we are the ambitious and aspiring beings he seems to
think we are, we may lift up our heads and rejoice; for provid-
ing none of our sex should be preferred before us, we may soon
inherit the Presidency, and sit in the highest ecclesiastical seat ;
for it is acknowledged almost universally that our government is
corrupt, and growing more so every year. And it is presumable
that righteous men would choose righteous rulers, and in so doing
please God; and accordingly righteous men, or (as he expresses
it) pious, men, are growing exceedingly scarce, and God, in His
providence, may be driven to the same expedient as in the case
of Deborah, in dealing with this wicked nation and backsliding
churches; and one man at least says he is willing it should be so.
In the case of Huldah, he says she was only the agent of a man,
and yet that the Lord sent her with a message to him, saying,
6 Tell the man that sent you to me,” &c. For our part, we should
think, inasmuch as God sent word by her, she was God's agent
too.
The brother seems to think that unless we are connected with
some one of the ecclesiastical bodies, we have nothing to do with
them, nor they with us. But we would like him to tell us where,
in the Scriptures, he finds that we can thus absolve our obliga-
tions to them, as fellow creatures, fellow Christians, or theirs to
us, as such to them; or where Christ left the positive command
to His disciples, even in their day, to attach themselves literally
to some of the churches. He commanded, in plain, unmistakable
words, everything absolutely necessary to salvation, and in un-
essential things left us, with due adherence to the leadings of His
Spirit, to the use of our reason and judgment, in all the shifting
scenes and exigencies of life.
The brother says he is no foe to the right of thought or speech,
so we may venture to go on. He says he goes for the right of
females to preach, when they feel called of God to do so, but he
likes to see them live right, and then preach. We are exactly of
his mind. We go in for the right of men to preach, if they feel
called of God to preach, and not without; but we like to see
13

194
DISCUSSION.
them live right, and then preach. He says he knows a female
who, among many like her, claims the right to preach, and has
attended to it, but whose conduct is so repulsive, that she has lost
all the influence she ever had. Cannot the same be said of some
men, and be just as good an argument against others of them
preaching?
He asks, if the Copley correspondent is called to preach, why
does she not go and do it? We answer, she does, and has done
so for more than thirty years, at every opportunity; (though
alas ! she ought to except some instances of unfaithfulness and
shrinking from the cross and self-denial, redoubled to a female on
account of the prejudices of the people against them.) “If she
wants to be useful, why does she stand aloof from all bodies, cry-
ing out against all ?? Answer: She does not stand aloof from
any body of Christians, but loves all, and unites with them in
worshiping God and doing good to man, so far as possible. Nor
does she maliciously cry out against any, but in love tells them
what she deems their faults, the same as she would individual
Christians. We think female influence, if it is better than male
influence, would bless society most if it most prevailed.
Solomon says, “When the wicked rule, the people mourn, but
when the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice.” We
have prayed, and do pray, that God would please to humble us,
and make us rejoice, by setting over us humble and good rulers;
and if they possessed the requisite wisdom, and if God set them
up, we know they would. We think we would not care whether
they were male or female. Our brother need not desist from
crossing our path for fear of frightening us, if we are a female ;
for though he be a lion, so long as we have God and truth on our
side, we shall not fear him.
ELLEN STEWART.
NO AUTHORITY FOR JOINING CHURCH.
MR. EDITOR :- Among other wise sayings of your Copley fe-
male correspondent, is one that we can adduce no Divine author-
ity for joining a church. This is being “wise above what is writ-
ten," and I would not notice it, did I not fear that my silence

DISCUSSION
195
might be construed into an admission that it is even so. If there
were no local organizations requisite, then were the Apostles
very officious in organizing, and setting in order the things that
were wanting in the churches, appointing elders and deacons, and
putting out of the church such as were not willing to hear the
church, &c. But this is the theme of such as are not willing to
bring themselves under a responsibility to the brotherhood, as
the Scriptures require of us, in a social capacity. This addition-
al evidence of your correspondent's presumption, satisfies me so
much, that I must consider her second only to Mrs. Bloomer,
who removed to the west, (from one of the Eastern States) and
took her husband with her. Vive la female rights and new lights.
She asks me what I would do if I were a female, under such cir-
cumstances as exist in the church and world at present, in regard
to woman's rights. I can only say what I think, viz: That touch-
ing church rule, I would modestly strive to comply with St.Paul's
rule, who suffered not a woman to speak in the church,” and
would learn of my husband at home; and would try to attend
to my domestic affairs, leaving the ruling of the world to those
who need not to change garments first to become fitted for that
purpose.
J. F. W.
MRS. STEWART VS. J. F. W.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER
We appeal to you, and all the readers of the Advocate, if our
brother, J. F. W., has done the fair thing by us, in the first in-
stance, by assailing our rights, as females,- in other words, as
human beings. He drew us into the discussion of those rights.
In our reply we endeavored to show wherein he was mistaken in
regard to our motives, and to present some Scripture arguments
in support of our position. In his second article he noticed only
two passages of the Scriptures we quoted — still impeached our
motives in not joining some church, and treated us with a dish
of sarcasm, &c. In reply, we endeavored to show where he was
as deep in the mud as he thought we were in the mire, and asked
some questions, answering frankly all the questions he had pro-

196
DISCUSSION.
posed. In his last article he stoops not to answer any of our
questions, but merely construes one of them into an affirmative
answer for us. The question we asked was : Where in the
Scriptures has Christ left a positive command even to the Apos-
tles to join the churches ?” Here he starts with horror from
the effigy his imagination has created, exclaiming : “ This is being
wise above what is written;" which he thinks is proved by the
Apostles having organized churches, set in order things therein,
ordained deacons, elders, &c.; and presumes that the reason we
do not join some sect is, because we are not willing to bring our-
selves under responsibility to the brotherhood in a social capacity.
We do not wish to render railing for railing, but does not this
savor a little of female presumption ? He declared he was now
satisfied of our presumption, and considered us second only to
Mrs. Bloomer, who“ removed to the west and took her husband
with her.” He has not told us wherein this was her crime. If
she went (as he says) vive la female rights and new lights, and
forced her husband to go with her against his will and choice, or
carried him there in chains, it would be indeed a great inconsis-
tency, and a violation of his rights; but no more than for men to
take their wives with them against their will and choice, is a vio-
lation of female rights. We can feel no sense of shame in being
rebuked with Mrs. Bloomer, until we are informed wherein she
has done wickedly. But for our part, we cannot see anything
wicked in what he has mentioned of her doings. He closes by
telling what he would do touching church rule, if he were a wo-
He would modestly comply with St. Paul's rule, who suf-
fered not a woman to speak in the church, and would learn of his
husband at home, and attend to his domestic affairs, leaving the
ruling of the world to them who need not to change their gar-
ments to become fitted for such a purpose. Thus, like all conser-
vatives in reform, he leaves wholly out of sight the varying cir-
cumstances which in many cases modify, and sometimes wholly
obliterate, our obligations to a rigid compliance with detached
precepts in the Scriptures. As, for instance, in the case of the
slave, the precept : “Servants obey your masters with fear and
trembling, with singleness of heart, as unto Christ; not only to
the good and gentle, but also to the forward." These precepts,
man.

DISCUSSION.
197
like the above, were applicable to the letter in the times when
they were written ; but in consequence of progression in light,
in regard to individual rights, rights of humanity, when the wo-
men and African slaves learn what their individual rights are, it
becomes their duty to throw off the yoke of tyranny and fear-
lessly assert them, (if they retain the same spirit of loyalty to
God, and just requirements of the powers that be,) while a com-
pliance with the unjust becomes a crime, and such passages as
the above are inapplicable to their case.
But ought he to put himself in opposition to reform in regard
to women's rights in a growling mood, and every time we attempt
to approach the threshhold of truth concerning it, bark at us;
and without attempting confute our sentiments by sound
Scripture arguments, or condescending to answer our questions,
search the arena of his imagination for sarcastic missiles to throw
at us. We have had different conjectures as to what sort of a
man J. F. W. is, as he gives us no clue to his name or place of
residence. If he were not a zealot for churches and ecclesiastics,
we should think him a skeptic, for in this respect he plays the
same game with us that Voltaire played against Christianity ; for
his motto was: Hurl the javelin, but hide the hand.” But we
suppose it is no more than we might expect from a man that
takes the position he does, and resorts to such means to sustain
it. But we will try to exercise true sisterly charity, and not
think too hard of him.
Man is a progressive creature, and he will not always think as
he does now.
We were once where he is, and talked on such
subjects much in the same way. Our brother will not so much
wonder that we are in sober earnest in contending for women's
rights, if he will believe us when we say, that in consequence of
being denied them, we are but the wreck of our former self, and
of what we might now have been, notwithstanding our age; es-
pecially had the right of our conscience been allowed us by the
church, and that encouragement in its exercise which it extends
to males. We have severely felt the want of them in respect to
the law on the disposition of property likewise, since the death
of our first husband. But though we suffered from the effect, we
knew not the cause, being ignorant of the laws of our country,
CG

198
DISCUSSION.
(Not your country, for women have no country, nor are counted
citizens of the United States, or a part of the people, in the eye
of many of our laws and customs.) They give to man the head,
and to woman the heart, and say there is but one head, and that
is the man.
But we contend that both head and heart are essen-
tial to every specimen of humanity.
But we would notice with candor his remarks regarding re-
sponsibility to the brotherhood in a social capacity. This we
freely admit to be both a duty and a privilege to the Christian.
But let us first determine who are the brotherhood. You say
true Christians; and this agrees with the declaration of the Sa-
viour. He declares : “He that doeth the will of my Father, the
same is
my brother and sister.” And, “ One is your Master, even
Christ, and all ye are brethren." Here we have the brotherhood.
Now, before our brother asserts that we do not belong to that
brotherhood, he must prove that we are not true Christians, and
do not do the will of God. And in respect to a social capacity,
wherever there are two or three, or more, in one neighborhood,
who have confidence in each other, and are of one heart and mind,
and that mind is to serve God and His cause, they ought to do it
in a social capacity; and they will, unless through ignorance,
some sectarian bias keeps them apart. And this they can do with
or without having their names enrolled or inscribed on a church
book or scrap of paper. Yet it has become so much a tradition,
that many think that unless their names are literally thus enroll-
ed, they do not belong to the brotherhood, and count all out-
siders who are not thus enrolled. We once thought so ourselves,
and had our name enrolled in our favorite sect, thirty miles from
home, because there were none nearer. But we now think the
main point is to have our name written in heaven, and about the
rest use our reason, and consult our individual duty and conyen-
ience. We have been in-siders and out-siders, if this would con-
stitute us either, and that not by expulsion or our fault,) and
never felt that any essential change was wrought in our character
before God, except where our conscience was concerned as an
individual. And we think this tradition one obstruction to the
gathering of God's people into one, or the universal love and fel-
lowship that should prevail among them; and that it is an error

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199
to count the different sects into which the brotherhood is divided,
different branches of Christ's church, for He said to His disci-
plies : “I am the vine ; ye are the branches.” Individual Chris-
tians are the branches. Individual sects may or may not be, and
we feel it our mission to go against every wrong opinion and tra-
dition of men, which tends to divide the hearts of Christians,
and to try in every possible way to promote love and union
among them. We would gladly unite, in a social capacity with
some of the brotherhood in our neighborhood, if such there were
who could be of one mind and heart with us, and enter into the
work of God, and watch over each other with mutual care and
love. But such is not the case at present, by reason of sectarian
divisions. And if we would join in any at a distance, we should
want to know which of the many divisions constituted the broth-
erhood. If you say either of them does, then you exclude the
rest; but if you say they are in all the sects, we must have our
names enrolled on every church book and class paper in the
world.
ELLEN STEWART.
REPLY OF J. F. W.
Who will bind my broken bones.
MR. Editor:-I said some time ago, that there was danger
that the women would soon get the power into their hands, and
we poor men would have to hold men's rights meetings. But I did
not think the danger was quite as near at hand, or at Harrisburg
as it appears to be. Scarcely had my broken head been healed
from the last effort of your Copley correspondent's last tremen-
dous and "unanswerable” club-arguments, before another plural fe-
male writer arises in the majesty of her dignity, and beats open
all the old sores. My mind was made up to leave Copley to en-
joy the glory of the triumph of its woman's-rights championess,
and allude to her now only incidentally, to show how sorely I am
pressed on every side. And let me here say to Mrs. S., in an-
swer to her query who I am, and what kind of a man, that I am
my wife's husband, who always allows me to wear the hat, boots
&c. Good bye, Ellen. Peace and comfort to you.

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DISCUSSION.
But to the last calamity. Margaret Ramp, of Newville, Cum-
berland county, Pa., a subscriber ever since Spring, one of those
economical (I don't know which) women or girls, who never like
to spend money for naught, sets herself up as a newspaper censor.
This is the principal position. Let the women once have control
of the press and our masculine liberties are gone—clean gone. I
hope, Mr. Editor, you will soon wake up to this subject, and
watch these new aspirants to power.
REPLY OF ELLEN STEWART.
COPLEY, Ohio, October 30, 1855.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :-
I beg the privilege to return, through the Advocate, my hearty
good bye, to that of J. F. W., and my blessing in return for his,
through the same medium.
I feel that I am highly honored, in being thus noticed by him,
and can truly sympathize with him in his fears, and the wounds
and bruises he has received. And worse than all, that when
they were partly healed, they have been torn open afresh, by one
whose residence is contiguous to his own.
He fears the women
will get the power into their hands, and then the poor men will
have to hold men's rights meetings. We think they need not
wait for that. It would be an excellent thing to have them now
taking the code of the Saviour, especially the golden rule, which
knows no sex, for their rule of judgment. Impartially and scru-
pulously scanning their own rights, they would be likely to see
how far they have blindly infringed upon the rights of her they
call their better half. We are sorry he is so pressed on every
side, but can see no way for his deliverance, while he is so dog-
matical and conservative. But out of compassion for him, we
will just state that there is a great battling at this time between
truth and error, or tyranny and liberty. The armies are gather-
ing into close compact. None can be neutral. Every man and
woman must soon take sides. The army of the Serpent consists
of tyrants and oppressors, and all who either ignorantly or know-
ingly become their abettors. The army of Truth and Liberty

DISCUSSION.
201
C
consists of all the valiant, enlightened, uncompromising lovers of
God and mankind, and all the oppressed and bruised whom they
can win over to the truth. The champions of the Serpent are
manæuvreing in defiance, throwing their missiles of ridicule and
sarcasm, to bruise the heel of those who desert from their ranks.
While the armies of Truth and Liberty, among whom are those
whose character for moral courage and valor answers to that of
young David of old, are mustering their forces, and have already
gone forth, in the name of the God of Israel, armed with a sling
called Diligence, and a scrip called Intelligence, well filled with
smooth stones called Facts or Truths, which they can use in dou-
ble file or single combat, as occasion calls. Some of the modern
Goliahs have been met and wounded, and retired grumbling with
sore heads and pained hearts, for viewing every thing through a
false medium. They call evil good, and good evil ; therefore
they cannot rejoice that the Lord reigneth on the earth, and fan-
cied evils press them hard. But though we pity, we cannot speak
to them one encouraging word; for we expect these warriors
will press the battle to a final victory, cost what it may. The
showers of smooth stones will thicken, and the enemies of reform
will be pressed more and more on every side, until they are dri-
ven to desperation. Unless calling in to their aid Mr. Candor
and Mr. Impartiality, with much prayer for wisdom, they care-
fully examine every question in reform patiently, until they as-
certain which is the right side, and get them over to the right as
soon as possible, we see no way for them to escape the fate of old
Goliah, and the Philistine army of old.
To our query, who or what sort of a man J. F. W.is, he an-
swers: “I am my wife's husband; and she allows me to wear the
boots, hat, &c.” According to his doctrine, he does not mean to
say that they are the equal and united head of his family; but
that he is the superior, she the inferior; he the ruler, she the
subject; and (let me say softly) he the master, she the slave.
And as to the boots, myself and husband have had no disputes ;
though I claim, as my right, with them to be shod, whenever I
encounter the snow or the mud. And as to the hat, no dispute
about that. The ladies may wear it, and call it a flat-may have
a wide brim, and egregiously trim, and man not complain--no of-
,

202
DISCUSSION.
fence unto him. We commend his modesty in not mentioning
that other garment, which no doubt he chiefly meant. But we
reject the idea, that it is wrong for the wife to know her hus-
band's affairs, or participate in their management, or counsel him
in their arrangement. On the contrary, the garment itself is a
fit representation of the united and happy bridal pair-plural,
yet singular; one, yet two they are, 'twixt whom, 'neath hea-
ven's training, soon there'll be a perfect union and equality.
We learn with some surprise that J. F. W. is a minister. As
a minister, we had a right to expect from him, that in the meek-
ness and gentleness of Christ, he should endeavor, by sound
Scriptural arguments, to convince and reclaim, what he deemed
an erring sister. But instead of this, what have we met from
him but continued brow-beating from first to last. Sarcasm is
good in its place, but eternity will disclose to him that in our
case it was as much misplaced as the invectives of Job's friends
were in his.
We would here remark, that he is not the only preacher whom
we have heard to deal lavishly in this kind of stuff. We have
heard ministers in debate prostitute their brilliant talents, in the
most fluent and eloquent language, in blackguarding (for it de-
serves no better name) each other, till the vain and thoughtless
were all in a titter, and the more aged and grave of the audience
could not refrain from laughter. May the Lord have mercy on
such ministers and their hearers, for we strongly suspect there is
little depth of piety in their hearts. Either they were not called
of God to preach, or they have got up above the low and hum-
ble spot where they first received their mission, and the awful,
solemn voice of Jehovah ceases to ring in their ears,
mouth go and warn sinners to repent. Comfort ye my people,
saith your God," &c.
So far as we are personally aggrieved, we can and do forgive
our brother, and pray that he may be abundantly useful. As
there is such a discrepancy in our sentiments in regard to the
rights of half the human race, that both cannot be right, may our
light increase, that whoever is wrong, may see that better way ;
and may his life be attended with truth, peace and comfort. J.
F. W., good-bye!
ELLEN STEWART.
6 From my

MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS.
LETTER FROM SISTER ELLEN STEWART.
Copley, Ohio, March 20, 1854.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :- In my letter inserted in the
Advocate of August 6th, 1853, I promised to tell some of the ef-
fects of the faults of the under-shepherds of Christ on their
flocks. Also, what I think we must do for the recovery of spir-
itual health and prosperity. Please permit me now to redeem
my promise; which, by absence from home and other causes, has
been unavoidably delayed.
We have thought that if the shepherds and leaders of the one
great flock of Christ had given due attention to one particular
point in New Testament theology — i. e., what St. Peter ranks
above all things, "Fervent charity among themselves;” nor ever
had descended from their dignified station to contend about the
mere appurtenances or circumstantials of religion, the flock had
never been divided or estranged from each other, much less
placed in a position of antagonism. But alas ! it is well known
that this has been and is yet too much the case. Ministers have
been arrayed against each other as combatants, regarded each
other as enemies, and sometimes accused, and criminated, and
lampooned each other with severe epithets. Yet the Lord
has not left Himself without witness. There are always honor-
able exceptions. Some who, by the indiscretion of others, have
been involved in discussions, have shown, “the meekness and
gentleness of Christ”- set the example of patience toward all
men, and charity the bond of perfectness. Such are deservedly
renowned, and shall be held in everlasting remembrance. Yet
such men surely are too wise to contend about trifling things,
while the people are famishing for the bread of life.
Two ministers, not long since, held a discussion of three days

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LETTERS.
and nights, with crowded assemblies, on the question: "Is im-
mersion or sprinkling the Scriptural mode of baptism ?" There
were present lukewarm professors, backslidden souls, and sinners
of every description, starving for the bread of life. We com-
pare them to two men sent with food and drink for famishing
people, falling into discussion about the color of the chaff in
which the wheat grew, while in their delay the people die for
want. They thus divert the attention of the flock from their
real wants, and the work they should do, and lead them into the
waste and barreu wilderness, and they perish with hunger and
thirst. Their apparent, and too often real antagonism, reacts up-
on their detached parts of the one great flock, so that a coldness
and shyness takes place among them, and the natural feeling is,
that you do not worship nor believe as we do; your ministers
do not preach as ours, therefore our ministers preach the truth,
and yours do not; our way is right and yours is
wrong
The
good among the shepherds and flocks are (thanks be to God!)
waking up more and more
ore to the evils caused by these divisions,
and are seeking a remedy. One has thought he discovered it in
this expedient — another in that; hence the various attempts at
reform and splitting up of sects or denominations. This anxiety
to find a remedy, shows there is deep love and concern for the
cause of God and truth somewhere. These attempts are right,
They are laudable. Though none have discovered the final cure,
more or less perhaps has been gained by each attempt. Though
none are permitted to boast that they have reached the zenith
of wisdom, Providence has overruled their efforts to the forward-
ing of the end at which they aimed. By the multiplication of
the sects, they have been brought into contact with each other,
and by personal acquaintance, however unwished for or unwel-
come, they have been convinced that there are Christians - yea,
excellent people, who are not of our church. Mutual love of
virtue and goodness has led to mutual efforts. Names, sects and
parties have been forgotten, and they draw together in the moral
and benevolent enterprises.
Another fault which has reacted on the flock of Christ is,
making a liberal education the test of qualifications for preach-
ing the Gospel. Thus discouraging the unlearned, who, though

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205
were
otherwise well furnished and endowed, have not the means to
obtain it; and naturally fostering a sense of sufficiency and su-
periority in the unlearned, and a like view of them by the people.
Thus did not our Lord and Saviour. Saint Luke and Saint Paul
were learned men, it is true, but the majority of the apostles
were "ignorant and unlearned,” by which expression we suppose
is only meant that they had not a collegiate education
not well versed in the history of ancient and modern times, in
matters pertaining to this world – the extent and geography of
the earth, and knowledge of men and things. The Jews took
knowledge of Peter and John that they had been with Jesus.
In this lay the secret of their wisdom and power; or in other
words, their qualifications. Their experimental acquaintance
with Him and His teaching, qualified them to be pioneers in the
Gospel, in the absence of certain degrees of mechanical prepara-
tion, which now are counted indispensable by many. Just such
as Saint Paul counted (together with the education he received
in the Jews' religion,) but loss to him, and in comparison with
the teaching and knowledge of Christ Jesus the Lord, but dung
and dross. Though they might have been gain to him in the same
sense that such qualifications are to ministers of the present day.
They might have gained him admission to high places, large sala-
ries, &c.
But this notion of the shepherds has so reacted on the people,
that they respond to their propositions - contribute their money
to educate them — build magnificent and costly temples of wor-
ship, with splendid appurtenances, to render aggrandizement to
cities and villages, while the poor are neglected, and suffer be-
neath their shadow for the avails of their needless expense. And
the shepherds say these places must have our most learned and
eloquent men, or, in more common phraseology, our smartest men
for their preachers. To this the flocks respond, to send them
smart men or none. Thus the inquiry is not for good men, and
full of the Holy Ghost, but for smart men. And with as much
success might you seek bread and water to quench your thirst or
allay your hunger on the barren sands of Arabia, as to seek the
bread and water of life in many a splendid temple erected pro-
fessedly for Divine worship. And as well might you draw nigh

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LETTERS.
to an iceberg to warm yourself, if cold, as to approach many
of
these smart men, in hope that the holy fire emanating from them
will warm your heart. All Scripture is said to be given by in-
spiration, and is profitable for many things, and for this purpose,
that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto
all good works. Then if preaching the Gospel be a good work,
it is included, and a thorough knowledge of Scripture (which in-
cludes experimental, or such an understanding as the Holy Spirit
gives,) will thoroughly furnish a person to preach the Gospel,
and if he be thoroughly furnished, what more is wanted ? The
teaching or the doctrine of Christ, spoken in the Holy Ghost, al-
ways come with power and authority, commending themselves to
every conscience. No book, nor all the books on theology, or
any or all other subjects, can furnish such eloquence and oratory
as the Bible. To be sure, one wants good common sense, and a
tolerable gift in telling what they know, and if possible, ability
to read. But God, in some instances, has shown independence
even of this last.
At a Conference of the Methodist Protestant Church, one of
the preachers proposed that a certain course of theological study
should be required of the young preachers by the Conference.
One of the delegates rose and opposed the motion, upon which
some of the old preachers walked over him rough shod. Thomas
H. Stockton was present a man famed for his wonderful oratory
in preaching, and for some time chaplain in Congress; the para-
gon, almost the idol of the connection. He sat silent until ap-
pealed to. He then rose and said: “I think the young man is
right. I am of the opinion that a diligent study of the Scrip-
tures is sufficient. For my part, I have yet to read the first book
on theology." They were taken by surprise. His words drop-
ped upon them — they answered not again. No more was said
at that time about a course of study.
Learning and knowledge are good, and if kept in their place at
the feet of Jesus, and not used to please and exalt self, nor de-
pended on, instead of the Holy Spirit, nor the acquisition thereof
suffered to interfere with other and more important and urgent
duties, may be used for the good of the people, as money or any
other earthly advantage. A certain learned and popular clergy-

LETTERS.
207
man, having buried his wife, after a season married another. She
attended his meetings a few times, and heard him preach ; but at
length utterly refused to go. He asked the reason, and she an-
swered, “Your preaching would starve one to death."
“Why,"
said he,“ do I not preach the truth ?” “Yes,” she replied ; "and
so you might from moruing till night, and say my name is Mary ;
but there is something more in preaching the Gospel than telling
the truth.” This caused him to reflect. Conviction ensued, and
sound conversion; after which she willingly heard him preach.
ELLEN STEWART.
LETTER FROM SISTER ELLEN STEWART.
COPLEY, Ohio, Dec. 10, 1854.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :-Although we are advanced
in life, we are learners and enquirers after truth, and propose to
ask a few more questions relative to church government, usages
and regulations.
1st. Was not the apostolic age darker than the present, and
were not the Apostles necessarily led and commanded by the
Holy Ghost to observances, which are merely ceremonious and
unnecessary at this age, on account of the prevalence of Judaism,
and the prejudice which then prevailed ?
2nd. Are there more than three of what we usually term or-
dinances, namely: baptism, the holy sacrament, and the washing
of the saints' feet, which have the authority of either a command
or example from Christ? And is this not because He foresaw the
variation of the circumstances and exigencies of His church in
different ages down to the end of time, and because He had giv-
en His Spirit to lead in each according to its own necessities; and
moreover, that as the church advanced in spiritual light and un-
derstanding, and approximated nearer to her meridian glory, she
would need less and less of outward observances? Witness the
Jews' religion, which, under the law of Moses, consisted almost
wholly in legal faithfulness, while the Gospel divorced God's
people from many such obligations - so many that Christ is said
to be “the end of the law for righteousness to every one that
believeth."
3d. Has not the professed church of Christ, in her ignorance,

208
LETTERS.
always been prone, like the Judaizing teachers, to be too tena-
cious of old principles, and with all their advance steps, to carry
along burdens which might have been left behind ? And has
not a solicitude to retain these burdens always had a tendency to
array them in opposition to advancing reform?
4th. Have not the ministry, in their darkness, wilfully or
guiltily, in the first instance, taken too much power, and burden-
ed itself with prerogatives disadvantageous to itself and the
church? Many, it is true, have used the power and borne its
burdens with a single eye to the glory of God and the good of
the people. But others have used itin selfishness, to tyrannize and
Lord it over God's heritage. And whole bodies of ministers of
the meek and lowly Jesus, under their inffuence, have dealt
treacherously with their brethren, talked to the grief of wounded
hearts, by their traditions, made the commandments of God of
none effect, sending those whom God does not send, and saying
to some whom he sends, Ye shall not go.
Now, we would ask, where is the remedy ? Would it be found
in the ministry, doing a little as Zaccheus was told to do, “ Make
haste and come down” out of the high places - there is much
wickedness there? They should not be separate bodies, legisla-
ting for the church, but one with her, and Christ the head: “One
is your Master, even Christ, and all ye are brethren." Let the
church of Galatia be as free to Christ alone, and as independent
of the church at Ephesus, and all other churches, as if she were
the only church of Christ on earth, so far as making her own by-
laws and regulations are concerned, choosing or refusing her own
laborers and officers, planning and carying out plans for the fur-
therance of the Gospel, &c.; each church of course caring, long-
ing, praying for the spiritual prospects of the other, disposed to
help each other, and each by the Spirit discerning and knowing
them which labor among them, who are over them in the Lord,
not (out of Him,) and the Holy Ghost (not some body of minis-
ters away yonder, who know not what kind of laborers they
need,) hath made their overseers, and esteem them very highly
in love for their works' sake, (not merely for their great popular-
ity, learning and talents.) Their work is to preach Christ in the
Spirit of Christ, for they that lack that spirit are none of His.

LETTERS.
209
They are wicked, and to the wicked God saith, “What hast thou
to do to declare my statutes, or that thou shouldst take my cov-
enant in thy mouth ?”
In respect to the prerogatives the different bodies of ministers
assume we would say, that in courts of justice there is an appeal
from a lower to a higher court; but in their court it is exactly
the reverse of this. For instance, some of their church-members
are fully persuaded that it is their duty to preach the Gospel.
In their ear the voice of God cries Go, but the churches of dif-
ferent sects say No — you cannot go until you take certain steps.
You must know whether your brethren and the Conference, Pres-
bytery or Eldership approve of this way. They go - perhaps
they approve; but if not, they take the prerogative to veto the
call of God. Many, under such circumstances, have been dis-
couraged — their usefulness is lost to the world, and it is a won-
der if their own souls are not lost; and all because they have
been taught to appeal from a higher to a lower court. For proof
of the ill effects produced, we refer the reader to the cases of
Lorenzo Dow and David Marke, as seen in their Journals, which
give account how the latter was treated by an individual preach-
er, and the former by a Conference of Methodist ministers.
In regard to administering the ordinances, the commission from
Christ to baptize, and administer any other ordinance, was con-
jointly given with that of preaching the Gospel. And where, in
the Scriptures, do we find a command to wait for the laying on
of hands, or any other authority which man can give ? And
have they not set the ordinance of baptism above the office of
preaching the Gospel ; inasmuch as they suffer a man to preach
unordained, but he must not baptize till they lay their hands on
him? Ah, says my brother or sister, you have supposed a much
more spiritual state of the church than exists, or is likely to ex-
ist; so we may as well trudge along after the old sort. But hark!
if the church does not grow better, she will grow worse ; and the
only way she can get better, is for each individual to follow and
live up to all his light, and become, without delay, as spiritual as
the church ought to be ; and follow Christ wherever He goeth,
though it be without the camp, bearing His reproach.
1 was conversing with a sister, a few days ago, who is, as I
14

210
LETTERS.
think, a devoted Christian, a member of the M. E. Church. She
complained that in many of their meetings, instead of the refresh-
ment she formerly experienced, she found herself not only dull,
and without interest in the exercises, but with a spirit burdened
and distressed, (she knew not why ;) and though waiting to
know duty and do it, (being usually very active,) was shut up,
found nothing to do or say, and went home discouraged and re-
proaching herself as the cause, though she knew not wherein the
delinquency consisted. The writer knew how to sympathize
with her, having for several years suffered the same trials. We
told her to reproach herself no more, if conscious that her will
was on the Lord's side, and her whole soul devoted to His service.
The state of the people among whom she was, would thus affect
her, if they were lukewarm, or what is worse, trusting in the
form and denying the power of Godliness. And do not all who
trust in outward performances, without the lively sense and feel-
ing, virtually deny the power? From such, says the good Book,
turn away. If we find ourselves bound to a dead body, and can
no longer do it good, nor it do us good, the sooner we disengage
ourselves the better; for we must carry it on our back, not only
rendering ourselves useless, but miserable. We must trust Christ
and not sect for our foundation. If we take the Holy Spirit for
our leader, we shall find the place assigned us by Providence,
where we shall find enough to do. We shall have sweetest fel-
lowship with God's true people, and joined by love, that only
permanent and lasting cement, organized by the Lord into an
holy temple of lively stones, do His will on earth as it is done in
heaven.
ELLEN STEWART.
HOLINESS OF HEART.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :- Having had but little time
of late to write, and that little chiefly occupied in answering to
the charge of female presumption, (which was done more out of
a sense of duty than for any pleasure it affords me to contend,
especially with brethren and reputed ministers of Christ,) I now
gladly improve the present precious hour, in turning my atten-
tion to the subject of all most precious, most important and most

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211
delightful to a living Christian, who truly hungers and thirsts after
righteousness that of holiness of heart, and the way to attend
unto it. This doctrine practically attained and carried out, not
only lays the axe of the Gospel at the root of the trees, but ac-
tually plies it, digging deep into the soil of the human heart, and
so extracts the bitter roots of sin, that it no more reigns in our
mortal bodies. “But now being made free from sin, we have
our fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life."--Romans
6:22.
There are those who are conscious of their need of a much
deeper and thorough work of grace, but have no clear views of
what it is, or how to attain it. They have sore conflicts with sin
and Satan, and with themselves. Unbelief, pride and selfishness
often rise within ; and though they labor hard to conquer-
though with the axe of the Gospel faith they hew down the
sprouts and keep them from becoming sturdy trees, blossoming
and bearing fruit, (the original tree of unbelief having been fell-
ed,) yet they see no fair prospect of gaining the victory, or of
ever having these bitter roots extracted from the soil, and these
inward foes, which continually disturb their peace, turned out,
and their hearts as a garden sealed and shut up to good alone.
So that as the prophet Isaiah says in the name of God shall be
the case under the Gospel : “ The work of righteousness shall be
peace, and the effect of righteousness, quietness," &c. Or as ex-
pressed by Zacharias in Luke 1: 74, 75, “That being delivered
from our enemies, we might serve Him without [slavish or doubt-
ful and unbelieving] fear, in holiness and righteousness, all the
[remaining] days of our life.” Some are taught that they may
expect no such thing in this life. Others are taught it in theory,
but the teaching is like a naked frame without the inside work,
which cannot be applied or used by the hearer; or like one giv-
ing directions to a traveler in a road he has never traveled, or
through a city he has not seen. Such teachers give the general
outline for direction, but cannot enter into the personal minutiæ
of experience, nor upon the mysteries of the dealings of God
with the hungry, thirsty and longing soul after righteousness and
how they are filled, because they have not experienced it them-
selves.

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And is not the fact that so few ministers preach up holiness,
and so many who do preach it do it to so little effect, the reason
why so many rest short of heart holiness? Can it be expected
that the people will far exceed them whom they receive as
teachers sent of God? And is it not, too, a lamentable fact ? 0
that all who preach the Gospel would press with unabating ardor
for clean and pure hearts ! Then might we soon hail the happy
day when the church shall wear the motto of “Holiness to the
Lord !"
But the question is often asked by those who admit the truth
of this doctrine: Is it a gradual or an instantaneous work? And
teachers of it do not agree as to this; so that those who would
press into it, are confused and cannot place it before the mind as a
definite object of pursuit. In our view it is both, or there is a
sense in which it is both gradual and instantaneous. In a former
letter we spoke of the gradual work or growth of the soul in
grace, a part of the time as imperceptible as the growth of the
corn, which springs up and grows, he knows not how: “First the
blade, then the ear, then the full corn in the ear.” We will now
endeavor to give our views on the instantaneous part of the work.
And,
1st. Every Christian, according to his faithfulness to the light
he has, is progressing towards entire holiness. And without
doubt, even under the dark and confused manner in which it is
taught, many faithful and laborious saints have attained to per-
fect holiness, like “Bunyan's Christian to his land of Beulah,"
when they did not name it, for they had no definite Scriptural
views of their blessed relation to God. Every Christian who is
faithful to the grace given, and has time for the gradual work,
finds sooner or later that he has much to contend with. Satan
makes all the capital in his power of every trial he meets, and he
only becomes acquainted with his devices one at a time, and if
he manfully resists him in one trial, he will take him next on new
ground. Sinners will often entice, and the world present its de-
ceitful and bewitching charms; or perhaps try to frighten him
with its powers, and persecute, ridicule and slander him.
But of all the foes he meets,
None so apt to turn his feet -
None betray him into sin,
Like the foes he has within

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But Christian, let nothing spoil your peace. Christ can even
conquer these. God promised by His prophets that His Son
should be as a "refiner's fire, and as fuller's soap”- that he
would “circumcise the heart of His people, to love Him with all
their heart”- that He would “sprinkle them with clean water,
and cleanse them from all filthiness of flesh and spirit.” For
this David prayed: “Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit with-
in me.” For this St. Paul prayed: “The very God of peace
sanctify you wholly,” &c.
Inquire of the sanctified saint if while passing the trying
scenes of earth, he has not often been brought to a crisis, when
he has cried: Lord, unless thou deliver me, mine enemy will tear
me in pieces, while there is none to deliver—when all has been
enveloped in darkness, (not the darkness of sin, but of mystery)
like Joseph in the Egyptian prison, or David when pursued of
Saul, have felt there was but a step between them and death, and
trouble has done by their hearts as we do by a vial of liquid,
which appears clear, but by shaking it, we rile up the sediment
at the bottom. Pride and selfishness are discovered, anger and
impatience rise and clamor for mastery over them, and unbelief
cries: It is impossible for you ever to gain the victory. But
knowing that God has promised the victory through Jesus Christ
- God that cannot lie, and that can do all things, and that this
promise is a note, to be demanded by our faith, I came to make
this demand; but how to do it was a mystery which but by do-
ing it I could not solve. I cried to God to guide me. I wrestled
like Jacob, with flowing tears and agony of soul, for months and
years. At length one of the leaves of the tree of life, called the
Oberlin Evangelist, came told me I must cleanse myself by be-
lieving God as Abraham did. God promised him a son. It seem-
ed impossible; but he believed it because God said it. I cried :
Lord, I will, I do believe thee; but still I did not feel cleansed.
Still I knew I believed this was my part as co-worker. I felt
that something was gained. Quiet and peace ensued. Here it
pleased God to let me wait awhile. I queried and inquired why
is this? But if I began to doubt, I saw plainly I should relapse
into
my
former state. This I dreaded, and making a fresh effort

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-
at faith, cried: Lord, I will, I do believe; and thus recovered my
quiet and peace of mind again. Thus passed three weeks. Then
the Holy Ghost (the Sanctifyer) came and did His part, sensibly
applying the all-purifying blood, and then witnessing with my
spirit. Then my joy was full my soul was filled with joy and
love to its then utmost capacity.
Some may inquire: Did the idea that you was now, through
Christ, made holy, have a tendency to puff you up and make you
proud ? I answer yes — just as a poor naked and starving beg-
gar is proud when some kind hand supplies his pressing wants.
He loves and glories in his benefactor, and tries to send all the
poor beggars he meets unto him. So my language was: 'Tis all
of God 'tis all in Christ, and they are all my own. 'Tis
enough — my soul is satisfied. O that I could send all spiritual
beggars to Him. O my needy brethren and sisters - 0 ye un-
sanctified ministers, come and make the demand by faith, and
you shall receive a fullness. Seek, 0 seek a deeper work of
grace; and when obtained you will be prepared to grow in grace
more swiftly, yet gradually, till sorer temptations and harder
trials show you your littleness of faith and strength, (ail you
have being brought into requisition.) Another crisis will occur
in your spiritual circumstances. More faith will be indispensa-
ble, and the work be again deepened, perhaps instantaneously ;
I went on steadily and gained ground, almost imperceptibly to
myself a portion of the time; but now and then I took a leap,
not like the infidel, into the dark, but into greater light, more
faith, more love. Thus I have given you my opinion.
ELLEN STEWART.
Copley, Summit Co., 0. Jan. 24, 1856.
LETTER FROM SISTER ELLEN STEWART.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :- Doubtless the dear breth-
ren see and mourn over many among them who fall short of ho-
liness, and that deep and thorough work of grace which the holy
Scriptures inculcate, and without which they shall not see the
Lord. The lack of this is truly lamentable at the present day..
Here and there, like scattered sheep, we find one who has left
the first principles of the doctrine of Christ, and to go backward

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215
into Egypt or a wicked world, but to go on to perfection — fa-
thers and mothers in Israel - such characters as St. Paul de-
scribes, Hebrews 5 : 14–“But strong meat belongeth to them
that are of full age, who by reason of use have their senses sharp-
ened to discern both good and evil.” Verse 18 — “For every
one that useth milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness, for
he is a babe.”
Our blessed Lord compared the kingdom of heaven (or the
growth of the soul in grace) to "seed which was cast into the
ground, and it grew up, they knew not how, [did not fully un-
derstand the philosophy of its springing and growing, but by
comparison of its dimensions,] from the tender blade to the ear."
By comparison, we say, of the present with the past, they see
that it has grown, though they could not see it grow a fit and
most beautiful comparison. The young convert, the seed of
grace having just sprung up, like the tender blade, full of sap for
its nourishment, or plentifully supplied with milk of the Word,
is joyful and happy. Like new blown flowers, he is all symme-
try and loveliness. The old account that stood against him, of
past sins, is all blotted out, and the Spirit bears witness with his
spirit. “It answers to the blood, and tells him he is born of
God.” He is now a babe, and as in the case of the tender blade
or the new born infant, all his innate powers and faculties are
undeveloped. If he dies immediately or soon, before he has time
for growth or development, he goes to glory by virtue of the
atoning sacrifice. But if spared, he must either grow to the
stature of a man of full age, or the full corn in the ear, or be like
the dead branches of the true vine -- gathered at last and cast
into the fire. Or like the corn lacking moisture, or choked with
noxious weeds; or the infant denied the luxury of milk, or the
benefit of exercise to develope the strength of his joints and
muscles, dwarfed and stunted in his growth. Only with this dif-
ference, that in the former case it was the fault of others, in the
latter it is his own. There is no lack on the Lord's part. He
supplies abundance of milk, and gives His babes sweet rest and
sleep. He lays one hand under their head, and with the other
He embraces them, and carries them in His own arms of love;
and if they do not forsake Him, He never will forsake them.

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And they will find, all along through their growing up to man-
hood and full age, that the Holy Spirit, which He has sent to
supply His personal place to His people, and is just like Himself,
is easily grieved away by sin, either of omission or commission :
for when we neglect known duty, we neglect Him; and as a
Christian man once said to the writer: “ The Spirit of the Lord
is
a tender tking "— meaning that it was easily quenched or
grieved away.
As soon as their strength is sufficiently developed, He will let
them have plenty of exercise for all the strength they have. He
will let the same tempter that tried Him in the days of His flesh,
try them with his temptations. Afflictions and trouble will arise,
and sometimes the wicked will persecute, and say all manner of
evil about them. Sometimes good, well meaning persons, will
mistakenly think it of them, and some who profess great friend-
ship will betray them, like Judas; or like Doeg to David, their
words will be smoother than butter, while war is in their hearts.
But if they feel their need of their Saviour's assistance, in order
to stand their trials, and ask it of Him, and make their complaints
to, and shed their tears for Him alone, He is sure to help them.
When the plough has broken up the ground, and the harrow
smoothed the surface, the seed planted and the blade sprung up,
still there is much of labor and care necessary in order to keep
down the briers, thorns and noxious weeds; the roots or seeds of
which remain in the soil, and if suffered, will grow spontaneous-
ly, and choke and shade from the warm rays of the sun the ten-
der blade, though ever so promising. So when the sharp plough-
share of the law has broken up the fallow-ground of the heart,
and pardon has smoothed the surface, and the good seed is sprung
up, the Christian has to watch and labor, according to his knowl-
edge and strength, (which, if he is diligent, will continually in-
crease,) to keep down the evil propensities of his nature and for-
mer habits
the struggles of the old man, doomed to hang on
the cross till he is dead, or the briars and thorns of fleshly lusts
beginning to show their heads above the surface. But his Lord
has overcome the world, conquered Satan, and triumphed over
sin; and in so doing, purchased for him the same victory and con-
quest, and has promised it. So he holds on to the promise by

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217
faith, and watches constantly and works faithfully. The strength
of the habit of doing right increases — evil propensities grow
weaker — his faith grows stronger he exercises patience in
afflictions and temptations. Thus he grows in patience till it has
its perfect work — thus the severest trials do him the most good,
and the darkest hours of buffeting and temptation of Satan, only
usher him on to greater light. Since he believes that God rules
all who will be ruled by Him, and those who will not He over-
rules, he looks upon everything done to him by men or devils -
everything happening him without his own agency, will or choice,
as coming indirectly from Him, or permitted or suffered for his
good. And though the surface seems heated seven times hotter
than usual though the waves of trouble roll high, and dash
with fury, and the mountains shake with the swelling thereof,
yet he will not fear nor be dismayed. He holds on to the prom-
ise. “ His hand he fastens on the skies, and bids earth roll, nor
feels her idle whirl.” In the comparison of the glory that awaits
him, he calls them light afflictions.
Perhaps the sin that most easily besets him is more inward
than outward — better known to himself than to others. He has
many hard battles with pride, selfishness and doubts or unbelief;
and feeling that these enemies are too strong for him, he cries
mightily to God for help. Like Jacob, he lays fast hold on Him,
and will not let Him go until he blesses, and (like a prince) pre-
vails. After all, his memory is treacherous and his judgment
imperfect; and erring in judgment, or a slip of the memory,may
occasion an error in practice. This occasions sorrow, but not
guilt. His motives are pure and his eye single. He would not
commit a known sin for his right arm no, not for the world.
Or it may be, like Peter, who through fear once denied his Lord;
but it needed no more than an upbraiding look to make him weep
bitterly for it, and completely reclaim him. Or it may be, like
David, in an evil hour he has yielded to temptation and commit-
ted a flagrant crime. Yet as soon as the hideous features of it
were portrayed before him, he confessed, he repented, he abhor-
red himself on account of it. Henceforth he hated sin with a
perfect hatred. His penitence or humility is perfect. His love
to God and goodness is re-instated. All unbelief is now driven

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can,
out-doubts and fears find no more place. His faith is perfect,
and evil propensities have lost their power over him. The old
man Adam is dead — crucified with Christ. He lives, yet not he,
but Christ lives in him. He loves God with all his heart, there-
fore his love is perfect; for the immediate effect is, he loves his
neighbor as himself. Tribulation has worked in him perfect pa-
tience. He is willing, waiting, watching to do all the good he
Here have we not the full corn in the ear – the man of
God at full age, able to bear strong meat — the father, the moth-
er in Israel ? Wherever such persons are, there is a heavenly
atmosphere. They are the salt of the earth - the light of the
world. O, brethren and sisters, does our experience answer to
this description, or growing, hastening on to it; or are we stunt-
ed, dwarfed Christians ? O, brother preachers, at what stage of
growth are you?
(? Is that state at which you are, answerable to
the time you have had to grow, and to your awful charge, your
momentous work ? Ought not the preachers to be before the
people ?
ELLEN STEWART.
I agree
THE DOWNFALL OF GIRLS AND BOYS.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :- In the Church Advocate of
April 3d, is a piece, taken from the Golden Rule, headed, “ Un-
seasonable hours,” in which our brother laments the frequent
downfall of girls. I join in the lament, and deplore the fact,
that too many mothers are too negligent in training their daugh-
ters, in relation to their association with the other sex.
with him in protesting against night sittings, and think a ride, or
an hour or two by daylight in the sitting-room, might answer all
right purposes; and I rejoice to see that this last practice is be-
coming quite common in this place. I do not doubt but (as he
says) the bitter experience of thousands records the effects of the
former practice,
But the brother seems not to think of the negligence of fathers,
yea, and mothers, too, in regard to training their sons. Were
they thoroughly trained in their early youth and first emergence
into manhood, half the danger to our daughters would be arrest-
ed he did not seem to think of the young men being seduced and

LETTERS.
219
ruined by their night sittings with our untaught and ill-disposed
young ladies; nor to lament, as indeed painful, the downfall of
our young men. This is in perfect keeping with the sentiment
which has prevailed from time immemorial; but is it right, and
just, and equal ? Has God made such an unequal distribution of
punishment to persons equally guilty ? And because He has,
without their fault, stamped the nature of one party with mater-
nity, and they of consequence must suffer pains, sorrow and care,
from which the other is exempt, put on them shame, infamy and
disgrace ? shall the other party strut among men as a gentleman,
enjoying the smiles and caresses of society, and to their shame
be it spoken, of ladies, too? Is this of God? If so, he is what
he declares he is not- that is, a partial being:
The young man, whatever may be his standing as to wealth,
power or personal charms, that steps aside from the path of yir-
tue, in the sight of God, has fallen as low, and often lower than
his victim ; for perhaps in nine cases out of ten, he is the more
guilty one, God made the woman for the man, and under cer-
tain regulations, each may have one of his own. But how is it
with many a one ? He mocks at the laws of high Heaven, and
betrays a misplaced sacred trust and confidence, reckless of fe-
male happiness, and sporting with the tears of parents and sym-
pathizing friends, he first ruins, and then boasts of the capital he
makes, of the ignorance of the untaught, the imbecile and the
unstable. Nothing but a corrupt public sentiment keeps him
from falling as low in the sight of all respectable society, as his
victim, and cowering beneath its withering frowns, as she does.
Young ladies, will you lend your arm, your smile, your com-
pany to the seducer of your sex? If you do, must you not be
counted no better than he is? If a man is known by the com-
pany he keeps, so is a woman.
ELLEN STEWART,
Copley, 0., April, 1856.
LETTER FROM SISTER ELLEN STEWART.
COPLEY, Ohio, June 24, 1855.
DEAR BROTHER WINEBRENNER :- The subject of Church Mu-
sic has been introduced in the Church Advocate, and dwelt upon

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at some length by different individuals. And as your former lib-
erality leads me to think that you aim at reform, and take no ex-
ceptions to communications merely on account of sex, we would
also venture a few remarks on this subject. For women, you
know, are musical beings, as well as men, and have thoughts,
opinions and feelings in common with all humanity; and in full
as great anxiety to arrive at the truth in regard to this, so vital
and important a part of divine worship.
It is a point acknowledged by all, that every power and faculty
which we mortals possess, we owe to God, and that our ability,
under the unavoidable circumstances of life, we ought to culti-
vate and improve them, in the performance of the duties enjoined
by His Word — among which is the command to worship the
Lord our God. In the early and proportionably comparatively
to the Gospel day) dark age of the Mosaic dispensation, that ser-
vice was necessarily chiefly mechanical. And as Moses was com-
manded to make the ark of the testimony exactly after the pat-
tern he had seen in the mount, so all the strictness and perfection
of mechanical order, in other parts of service and worship, were
intended, as was that, exactly to pattern or typify some part or
portion of the spiritual work or worship of the saints under the
Gospel. And if we must go back to a strictness in the observ-
ance of one of those typical ordinances and strictures, why not
to all of them? If men and women singers must qualify them-
selves mechanically, and the best musical instruments must be
employed now to worship God, why not imitate the Jews in
things that were positively commanded them to do? For to our
remembrance, singing is not commanded, nor any particular reg-
ulations given conc
ncerning it, till the children of Israel' reached
the promised land. Nor is anything said about singing, as we
recollect, till their enemies were overthrown in the Red Sea,
when singing and playing on musical instruments were employed.
Nor do we recall any regulations given directly from God con-
cerning it, after their settlement in the land of Canaan. But af-
ter they were settled, there were among them true spiritual wor-
shippers, whose hearts glowed with holy love and gratitude to
God; and desiring to use their musical powers in praising God,
as all the rest of their duties were so mechanical, they naturally

LETTERS.
221
concluded this must be so likewise. And we have no doubt their
worship was acceptable to God, and the more so on account of
its mechanical perfection. And that it in this respect truly typ-
ified or shadowed forth the truly spiritual worship to be perform-
ed by the saints in the Gospel day by singing, and that our
worship in singing, in order that it may really and truly please
God, must be as strictly spiritual (or in the spirit) as their's was
mechanically perfect. As their worship was necessarily so much
of the outward sort, they could employ musical instruments to
make melodious sounds; but as our worship is so inward and
spiritual, we have serious doubts whether we can worship accep-
tably in the use of them. We cannot help thinking that the
church has strayed from spirituality, in respect to this part of
worship, and needs reform. In reforming, all will admit she must
be more spiritual ; and in order to grow more spiritual, must she
grow more mechanical ? This I understand to be the doctrine
taught by some teachers of church music in these days.
We are not under the Jewish, but under the Gospel dispensa-
tion. What then is taught by precept and example concerning
it, in the New Testament? As to example, we recollect but one
instance of Christ and His Apostles singing a hymn. What the
words were which they sung, we are not told; but we naturally
conclude they sung the language of their hearts, uttered by their
tongues, of praise or prayer, or both — not by musical instru-
ments, which cannot either think or speak. We have much said
in Revelations, it is true, of singing, and harpers harping with
their harps; but for our part, we should think it only a symboli-
cal expression, to represent the harmonious adoration of the
heavenly hosts. The harps must be spiritual, at any rate — not
things without life, giving sound — not sounding brass or tink-
ling cymbals, but the overflowings of holy charity, in the variety
suited to the various gifts in heaven.
In regard to the preceptive teaching, Ephesians 5:19, Paul
says: “Speaking to yourselves in psalms, and hymns, and spirit-
ual songs, singing and making melody in your hearts to the Lord.”
Was not St. Paul speaking to Christians ? Yes. And can un-
converted persons, and impenitent, be filled with the Spirit, and
thus speak to themselves, or to their own case, or in the language

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of their hearts, or the language of prayer and praise in truth,
and thus make melody in their hearts to the Lord ?. Certainly
not. How is it then that the church can give up the singing to
them? Can they worship by proxy ? Does not God require in
singing, as well as praying, that our words should be true to the
thoughts and feelings of our hearts? You may say they sing
what we feel; but are they not responsible for singing what is a
lie in their own case ? And does not the church mislead them,
and cause them to remain impenitent, by teaching them that
though they have denied Him their service and their hearts, they
can take a part in His worship? Does not God say to the wick-
ed, “What hast thou to do to declare my statutes, or take my
covenant on thy tongue, seeing thou hatest instruction, and cast-
est my words behind thee ?" But the churches say they may
do it, and employ them to do it in their stead. If the uncon-
verted can worship for us in singing, why not in praying? And,
indeed, they pray for us in singing, inasmuch as psalms and
hymns are composed of both prayer and praise. If we can pray
one way by proxy, why not in another? And why need we
pray at all ourselves? Let us get up our praying schools, and
have our young people taught methodically, and mechanically,
and correctly, to pray for us, and give it up to them to do it, as
we have in many instances our singing — yes, and preaching,
too, whether converted or no. Do you say that singing schools
are necessary for Christians, in order that they may chord to-
gether, and sing harmoniously? Still, we ought to remember
that the poor have the Gospel preached unto them, and they feel
very warm-hearted and thankful, and some of them have the gift
of a good voice, and want to praise God, by joining in this de-
lightful part of worship; and they perhaps have had neither
time nor money to attend your singing schools, and study the
gamut with you. And many an old saint, whose eyes are too
dim with age to do it, but whose voice is so tolerable as not to
interrupt or make discord, loves to join with the saints in prais-
ing God. They have been to the singing schools of Christ
some of them earlier and some later. And they can testify that
when in these schools, the saints sung together, speaking to their
own case, from their own full hearts, and thus made melody in

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223
their heart, for all their hearts were one; though they usually
sung but two of what are called the parts of music now the
tenor or air, and the bass. They chorded most beautifully,
and
there was not a jarring string; and then the words they sang,
and the power of the Spirit attending those words, gave the
charm and riveted them to the hearts of others. Are not these
the best kind of singing-schools for Christians ? O, for more of
them ! We care not how many parts they learn, so that they do
not forget the best part, that good part which Mary chose.
But really, we poor, illiterate Christians are robbed of a pre-
cious privilege - one which we have greatly enjoyed and prized
highly in time pasť. In many congregations there are from
twenty to fifty persons in the gallery, to praise God for us, who,
if we may judge from their dress and demeanor, are not other-
wise very devoted. And if we have a hymn book, or can sing
the tune, and attempt it, the eyes of the whole assembly are
turned on us, as innovators of their good order; and perchance
some young dame in the gallery turns her head with a sneer at
our discord with some note. If we have no book, we are only
entertained with a sound, consisting of musical notes, harmoni-
ously joined, but can understand but few, and sometimes none of
the words they sing. But we would bear personal inconvenience
with all patience, could we be assured that this mode of worship
by singing had a tendency to make the church more spiritual and
holy, and lead more sinners to repent. But we must say, so far
as our experience and observation go, it has the contrary effect.
Yours for reform from all that is wrong.
ELLEN STEWART.
ADDRESS TO UNSANCTIFIED PROFESSORS.
BROTHER WINEBRENNER :- There is a class of professed Chris-
tians, for whom I feel peculiar sympathy, and have a longing de-
sire to say something for their comfort and encouragement. And
if you will kindly indulge me to speak through the Advocate, it
may be that it will reach the eye of some, whose anxious hearts
may respond to what I write. This class, though endeavoring to
serve God, after a sort, and often feeling and feasting, measurably,
on the comforts of justification from all past sin, yet are deeply

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conscious that the work of sanctification not only does not pros-
per and progress in their souls, as it should, but that they are fal-
len from a degree of sanctifying grace, which once they possessed.
On account of this, any spiritual, experimental preaching, or liv-
ing testimony of present enjoyment of this blessing finds a re-
sponse in their breasts, which it finds in no other.
As the soul, fallen from justification, on hearing a spiritual
testimony from another, or on being restored to the lost blessing,
is cited back to the time when he enjoyed the very same; so is he
cited back to the pleasant yet painful remembrance of a time
when he too had such a hold on Christ, by faith, that He was
truly all in all to him, and all his heart was love. By living, ac-
tive, loving, fruitful faith in the atonement and power of Christ,
all the law was fulfilled, and he loved God with all his heart, and
his neighbor as himself.
But alas ! in some way the tempter has taken advantage of
such souls, on this subject, and caused them to doubt, like Peter
on the waves, and like him, they have begun to sink, and through
unbelief they have lost that which is most valuable of all posses-
sions. But while they feel their danger, and mourn over their
loss, they need not despair, for our blessed Saviour is within
speaking distance. Cry, cry to Him, he will lift you up, and take
you on board the ship of perfect love again. Your case is fitly
represented by what our Lord said of the woman who had lost
a piece of money; though she might still have had possessions of
silver and other goods. We will suppose this was a piece of gold,
which, though very small, and on that account more difficult to
be found again, was a peculiar pocket-piece of great value to her.
And what did she do? Did she give it up as lost forever? No.
She immediately lit a candle, swept the house, and searched dili-
gently till she found it. Then, brother, sister, let us follow her
example — feel (though in the dark) all around for the candle.-
Take hold of God's word again - some promise, say, the follow-
ing: “Faithful is He that calleth you, who also will do it.”
Now where is the match, or means, to light the candle ? Take
this : “ All things are possible to him that believeth.” Light by
your faith, through the aid of the Holy Spirit; then you will
have light to see the rubbish which is collected in your hearts

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and habits of living. Take the precepts and commands as a
broom to sweep, and search diligently, committing the rubbish to
flames of self-denial. But rest not in what you do, for these are
only means -- the end must be obtained. You must find the
identical precious gold piece, and see it with your eye of faith,
and grasp it with your hand of faith. And then will you feel
like calling on all around to rejoice with you, for you have found
your piece which was lost. It is never found but in deep humil-
ity and by diligent search, sweeping away pride, selfishness, an-
ger, deceit, lying, love of fashion, love of vain company and
amusements, intemperance in eating and drinking, and all other
sinful indulgences. It comes to destroy old things and make all
things new.
But as soon as the witness of the Spirit is lost, by doubting,
the subject appears dark again, as before, because we have re-
ceded somewhat from the moral Sun, or Fountain of light. Yet
we need not despair ; neither should we think our case solitary
nor that we have sinned against so great light that we cannot be
restored. For in those days of darkness on the deep things of
God, it is often more from want of light, than sinning against
light, that our hold on this precious pearl is lost. In the days of
primitive Methodism, when so many enjoyed perfect love, it was
common to hear professors declare they had lost and regained it
more than once. That great and good man, Mr. Fletcher, declar-
ed in presence of a select band of brethren, that he had lost and
regained it four or five times, because Satan, under one pretext
and another, kept him from observing the order of God. “With
the heart man believeth unto righteousnes, and with the mouth
confession is made unto salvation." Hear his own words:
" Alas! I found that he who hideth his Lord's money, or talent,
and improveth it not, from him shall be taken away even that he
hath. Now, my brethren, you see my folly. I have confessed
it in your presence. And now I resolve before you all, to confess
my Master. I will confess Him to all the world; and I declare
unto you, in the presence of God, I am now dead unto sin, and
alive unto God. And this is through Jesus Christ my Lord; he
is my Prophet, Priest and King; my indwelling holiness; my
all-in-all.” Thus he continued from that time to live and testify
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till his death, which was indeed so triumphant as to make the
words of the poet true: “The chamber where the good man
meets his fate, is privileged beyond the common walks of virta-
ous life, quite in the verge of heaven.”
But some there were who appear to have kept on an even
course, and never lost the evidence, but like flaming meteors,
have flown through this sinful earth, drawing thousands of lesser
stars after them. Among these was William Bramwell. Hear
him: “Thus to lose myself in Jesus, I find is all my glory.
Then nothing but Christ, in thought, word, and preaching or
praying. All is the Son of God — His mind, His way, His word,
His manner. To this I am coming ; I am near, I am just going
into
my
Lord. Here the noise of self, of the world and the
devil is over. All is burning love, all is rest, and all calm within.
The eye fixed, the soul established, the tongue loosed, and all in
the spirit. Here the Lord teaches, governs and supplies. This
is the salvation belonging to all believers. This is the glorious
liberty of the children of God. This is for you; and I pray that
you may never rest without it."
O that the writer of this epistle had, like Bramwell and some
others, held on, and walked without faltering in the liberty of
the Gospel! But having twice lost it, she would magnify the
Lord, whose mercy had restored her. Now she humbly speaks
for their encouragement, who mourn over a similar loss. At first
she lost it by not making a confession of it, lest she might lose it,
or fail to honor the doctrine by a sufficiently pure and godly walk,
and fearing the people would not believe. But believing she
could not regain the lost treasure without confessing her back-
slidings, she confessed to them what God had bestowed, and how
it was lost. Again it was restored ; and for a year or more her
heart burned with perfect love — and how easy and plain did the
way appear - and she thought she could persuade all her breth-
ren to believe and enter it. But riding out one day, after a span
of horses which had a habit of running away with their driver,
she felt fear, and Satan quoted to her the Scripture, : “He that
feareth is not made perfect in love." Here she (not being able
*to distinguish between that natural instinctive fear, which is in
every living creature, necessary to its self-preservation, and that

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227
tormenting fear of God, and death, and hell, which tortures the
mind of sinners,) doubted, and again lost the more precious than
golden treasure. And long did she search ere she found it again.
But did she find it? Yes, to her great joy, and full assurance
and satisfaction. She still found it is only faith, simple faith, that
brings the blessing. She does not say she has never sinned since
that, but sin wounds far deeper, and sends her quickly to her
knees confessing in deepest shame and sorrow. And God, faith-
ful and just, forgives and cleanses again. All glory to His holy
name.
ELLEN STEWART.
COPLEY, Ohio, 1856.
A WORD TO CERTAIN YOUNG MEN.
This, our happy and highly favored country, is called “The
home of the brave, and the land of liberty;" and the Great Cre-
ator has done all that could wisely be done, to make it so. But
man's worst foe is man, and in a thousand ways he contrives to
frustrate the Divine will, which decrees his happiness, and that
of his fellow creatures. There is in many places in Ohio, a class
of persons (I hope you have none such in Pennsylvania,) who,
because in a land of liberty, use that liberty for an occasion to
gratify the flesh, in violation of the rights of others; and brave
decorum because in the land of the brave. I allude to a set of
young men, who often attend places of worship, and after sitting
and apparently listening (I say apparently, for some object out
of doors must engross their attention more than what is spoken
within,) they get up, one or two, or three at a time, and some-
times whole companies, and deliberately march out, hat in hand,
and after refreshing themselves in the open air, resting the sitting
apparatus, and loudly talking, careless of disturbing listeners
within, they sometimes march back again. And this routine we
have known to be repeated more than once during a meeting 3
while, as an honorable exception, a few young men sit quietly
through the service, though doubtless as weary as they. Old
and infirm persons, from the ages of forty to eighty, can sit quietly
through, and feeble women count it a great privation to with-
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such privileges. I have often queried what can be the reason for
all this difference. Is it because these young men have some
hidden physical weakness, that disables them to sit on a hard
seat ? Or, because they are young and tender, while the others
are old and tough? If so, let us not blame them, but withhold
harsh epithets, and, if possible, prescribe a remedy. I have
thought of one which, if no one can think of a better, we may
adopt, i. e., for the elderly gentlemen to contribute the needful
cost, and the elderly women to form a sewing society, and make
soft cushions to cover the seats where these young men sit.
ELLEN STEWART.
COPLEY, Ohio, Dec. 13, 1857.
THE GOSPEL MINISTRY ENTITLED TO A SUPPORT.
AN ADDRESS TO ALL TRUE DISCIPLES OF JESUS CHRIST.
DEAR BRETHREN AND SISTERS:- There is a subject, properly
called a part of the whole counsel of God, which His ministers
approach with great diffidence, and many scarcely dare to touch,
lest the world, and even some in the church, should suspect them
of being governed by sinister motives — a subject, too, of vast
moment to the interests of Zion, and on which there is such con-
fusion and want of system in the Christian world, that we have
often queried whether it was not the duty of all Christ's minis-
ters (at least of many of them) to come out boldly, and declare
the whole counsel of God on the subject, in spite of personal del-
icacy, which can arise only from selfishness, and trusting in God
to vindicate their character, simply lay the truth, as drawn from
the Old and New Testaments, before the people. But instead of
calling in question the fidelity of my brother ministers, and being
so situated as to preclude that temptation to personal delicacy
and fear which deters them, I feel it both a duty and privilege to
write freely on the subject.
All who subscribe to the foundation doctrines of Christianity,
agree that those who are called of God to spend their time and
physical strength in preaching the Gospel, ought to be supported
by the people among whom they labor; and yet there is a sad
deficiency in carrying out this sentiment in practice, by reason of

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which Zion bleeds and languishes. Many places are destitute of
the preaching of the Word, and many faithful servants of God
and their families have suffered great destitution, and often have
been compelled to leave the vineyard, where it was plainly the.
will of Heaven that they should labor on, and seek a sustenance
by some secular employment. Now, is it not plain that when
this is the case there is a great wrong somewhere, and among
the
many, some are to blame, and will have a sad account to give at
the last day ?— some who, when they saw the machinery so sadly
out of joint, should have searched diligently to find out the cause,
and restore the missing cogs of Zion's machinery, that all might
work harmoniously and in the order of God. Do we need any
arguments to prove that those who labor with us in word and
doctrine, ought to live with us, not raised above the mediocrity,
to revel in luxury, nor sunk beneath, to pine in poverty y ?
Under the Old Testament dispensation, the ministers of re-
ligion were supported by the contributions of the people ; and St.
Paul asks the question, “Who goeth a warfare at his own charg-
es ? or planteth a vineyard and eats not of its fruit? or feeds a
flock and partakes not of the milk thereof? And Moses com-
manded not "to muzzle the ox that treads out the corn,” plainly
intimating that whatever be our providential calling, God wills:
that he should live thereby, and it is counted fraudulent in His
sight when it is denied ; so that he that ploughs or threshes,
should plough or thresh in hope. And again, St. Paul asks, “If
we have sown unto you spiritual things, is it a great thing if we
shall be partakers of your carnal things ? They that wait on the
altar, partake with the altar, and they which preach the Gospel,
should live of the Gospel.” The blessed Saviour sanctioned this,
doctrine, when He gave the charge to His disciples, in sending
them out into His vineyard, saying: “Take with you neither
purse nor scrip, neither two coats, for the laborer is worthy of
his meat.
But it is needless to multiply words. On this subject we all
agree. The great difficulty is in reducing it to practice, in the
manner and to the extent required, in order to the general pros-
perity of Zion. Two things stand in the way. One is a want of
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the huge sycamore, the towering mountain, which only faith, car-
ried out in practice, can remove. While and wherever these
great obstacles stand in the way, Zion must bleed and languish.
But brethren and sisters, while we mourn the desolation caused
by them, can we not bring our faith up to the dimensions of a
mustard seed, that they can be removed, and cast into the sea of
oblivion ?
On the subject of a systematic course, I have in mind a state
of things which I will pen ; not with a design to dictate any par-
ticular mode, but to elicit, in abler minds and heads, thought and
reflection. Here is a church of God in a given place, surrounded
by professors of the religion of Christ, of every sect and name,
beside non-professors, many among them being wealthy. Here
are some who are deeply spiritual, and whom God has endowed
with qualifications for leading spirits, who, whether they take a
wrong or a right course (who, unless they besot or bemean
themselves by flagrant iniquity,) must and will have great influ-
ence, and upon whom rests a fearful responsibility. These, well
knowing the truth of the proverb, "What's everybody's business
is nobody's," at least one, two or more of them, with earnest
prayer to the Father of Lights for wisdom, have set their heads
together to concert a plan, so general in its nature, that if imita-
ted all over Christendom, would remove this obstacle - (not
contracted to our little Zion, as it is called ; no, they scout that
unmeaning word, knowing that the Bible has made such an im-
pression upon the world of the oneness of the church, that they
laugh at its nonsense)- a plan calculated to serve the double
purpose of bringing the people into united and concerted action,
inviting all to join with them and tear down the mount of covet-
ousness from its base, removing it out of the church forever.
For how can the church have general prosperity while she em-
braces, honors and caresses the covetous, whom the Lord abhor-
eth?
But to their plan, which is this: To tax every member of the
church according to their proper income, from the millionaire to
the widow with her two mites, in money or produce, according
to circumstances, a tenth or less, as wisdom may direct - to pro-
vide store-houses and barns, and proper managers, as receivers

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231
and distributors ; so that if a poor brother or sister has but a
pound of butter, a piece of meat, or a bushel of grain, to pay his
or her tax, it may be safely stored, and thus a fund be collected
of all the necessaries of life, which may be handed out on appli-
cation, of such things as are needed; and thus save the ministers
the inconvenience, as often happens by unsystematic and promis-
cuous distributions, of having a superabundance of one article,
and great lack of another; and the servant of God (and the peo-
ple) must be hindered from his work, to make the exchange.
Such a fund, or church treasury, might, besides providing for our
preachers and their families, serve for every benevolent purpose.
But, say you, must we refuse every rich person who will not
submit to such a tax, and turn out all such that are in the church?
I answer by asking, would not the church thereby be cleansed
from much of that abomination, covetousness ?
And if we
chanced to have an Ananias and Sapphira in our number, God
would take care of them. I am for having all our brethren and
sisters who have riches imitate the example of Gerrit Smith, ac-
cording to what they possess. O, how my heart glows with love
to that man, for his benevolent deeds, while I write. I hear a
loud voice from heaven, saying to all who possess the riches of
this world, “Go thou and do likewise.”
ELLEN STEWART.
Copley, Summit County, Ohio,
A CHAPTER ON NEIGHBORHOOD VISITING.
ADDRESS TO CHRISTIAN WOMEN.
Dear Sisters — "Hear me, for I am rent in cares,
And groan beneath the weight of more than three score years.”
—Рокт. .
This day, dear sisters, is the 65th anniversary of my birth-day,
and with another poet I feel to say to my waiting soul :-
Come away to the skies,
My beloved arise,
And rejoice in the day thou wast born."
As an offering of the first fruits of my feeble intellect, through
you, to Him who gave and has preserved my life, I would here
record and call your attention to a few thoughts which have
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dwelt much on my mind for a few years past. The present is an
age of reform, and it is found that former usages and customs of
society are out-grown in many things, and in this enlightened age
must be changed, or wholly thrown away, to make room for bet-
ter ones. For one, I have plainly seen, and often with heartfelt
sorrow, that there was something wrong in the customs of socie-
ty in regard to the above subject. Yet I could not fully ascer-
tain wherein it consisted, or what was duty concerning it. But
I could not join in neighborhood visits or parties, to spend after-
noons in chatting and drinking tea, without great compunction
and a consciousness that the time had been, at least on my part,
misspent. At last I abandoned the custom altogether.
Often had I, at some urgent request, gone with the secret res-
olution that I would associate with those that knew not God as
the physician does with the sick, not to catch the disease of sin,
but to cure it by introducing religious conversation. But in ma-
ny cases, where there were not some deeply pious persons pres-
ent, to lead or assist, there would either be a profound silence at
the mention of religious subjects, or some one would dispute the
ideas advanced, and bring on useless discussion; or they would
show signs of dissatisfaction at the intrusion. In short, I became
convinced that such visits did me more harm than I could do
good.
Now, my dear sisters, I verily believe that if we calculate, like
Caleb and Joshua, to wholly follow the Lord, if we would aim at
eminence in holiness, we must refuse to participate in idle and
fashionable visits, in which no good end, either for God or man,
can be accomplished. Do not understand me to think, that in
order to be holy it is necessary to be hermits, or to exclude our-
selves from human society. No indeed. We may often spend an
hour with each of our near neighbors, and converse all that is
necessary or profitable, on business or religion. In so ing, we
should shun the temptation to deceitfulness and pride of life, so
prevalent in fashionable society, by avoiding the insincere expres-
sions of gladness at the coming, urgency to stay, and to come
again, &c., which one who would keep pace with her aristocratic
neighbors feels indispensable. Alas, how often have Christian
women been caught in this snare! But how can we but tremble

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when we consider that God abhors all dissimulation. It is in its
nature to lie. Do you say, how can we be so singular, or odd,
as the world calls it — how can we break off our associations, and
let our neighbors know that we do not desire their visits? I an-
swer, if we are not willing to be singular, we can never be holy;
for a holy man or woman is a singularity, and always was, since
the fall of man; and the Scripture says they shall suffer perse-
cution. But when it is understood that we are conscience-bound
in this matter, they will soon cease to think hard of us, and learn
to visit us after our fashion. And if our behavior is otherwise
consistent, it will add not a little to our Christian influence.
I claim not precedence in the above ideas, though they have
not generally been thought of. « The secret of the Lord is with
them that fear Him;" and there are always some in advance of
their times. The good Mr. Baxter, in his rules for holy living,
said, “If this woman would make fewer visits, and that one not
always be talking, they might advance in holiness." Mr. Wesley,
in his advice to those professing holiness among his people, said,
6 But above all things, shun that bane of all religion, the compa-
ny of those good sort of people, (as they are called,) i. e., per-
sons who have a liking to, but no sense of religion. I never
come from the company of these saints of the world, (as John
Waldesso calls them,) faint, dissipated and shorn of my strength,
but I say, God deliver me from a half Christian !” “If we had
a holy ambition,” as said Baxter again, not to walk in those
ways that God might possibly forgive, but those which he would
infallibly reward,” those of us who are able might make feasts
for the poor, the lame, halt and blind, donation visits, or benevo-
lent sewing-circles. They might be so conducted as to be pleas-
ing to God and profitable to all, giving us to taste the unspeaka-
ble pleasure of doing good.
I am aware that the above remarks may be more applicable to
country places than to cities; and to American women, or what
are termed Yankees, than to our beloved Dutch sisters, who, from
my slight acquaintance, I judge are more free from the pride of
life and the lust of the eye, which is not from the Father, but is
of the world. And the divine approbation is manifest in their
greater fervor and warm-heartedness in devotion. But lest I

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make them proud I forbear, and leave them to prove their supe-
rior piety to the world. Perhaps there are some things among
them likewise that need reform. Search it out dear sisters, and
rest not till all is right. “Come ye out from among them, and
be ye separate, saith the Lord, and I will receive you, and ye
shall be my daughters, saith the Almighty.” Seek to please God,
and seek not the friendship of the world. For St. James de-
clares, “Whosoever will be the friend of the world is the enemy
of God.” By being the friend of the world is doubtless here
meant a sinful likeness or conformity to the fashions and customs
of the world. That we may all speedily escape from this, is the
ardent prayer of
Yours in a precious Christ,
ELLEN STEWART.
Copley, Ohio, July, 1857.
AN ADDRESS TO WEALTHY CHRISTIANS.
DEAR BRETHREN AND SISTERS :- Have you duly considered
the great responsibility of your station, and sought to know what
God requires of you, in this enlightened day of ours ? Will you
listen to a few hints and weighty considerations on the subject ?
Do not say, because you cannot count your thousands or millions,
that you are not the characters addressed. According to Mr.
Wesley's definition, many among us are rich ; i. e., every one
that has the means of supplying his own family's wants, and
something over, is a rich man. One thing is certain, that God,
whose the earth is, and its fullness, will call us to a strict account,
how we have improved what He made us stewards of, be it more
or less. Another thing is equally certain, that He intended that
upon you should rest, according to your pecuniary ability, the
solemn responsibility of not only preventing suffering among the
poor, helpless and friendless, but that you, in a pecuniary sense,
should be pillars to uphold and support the mighty temple, built
of “living stones,” the church, 66 The Zion of God” should fur-
nish wings (or means) for the glorious Gospel of the blessed God
to fly to the utmost bounds of earth; or, in the language of Isai-
ah," to sow beside all waters," and “send thither the feet of the
ox and the ass,” or the beautiful feet of the “messengers of

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peace," that bring glad tidings of good things. A blessing is pro-
nounced on them that aid in doing this, so that the widow, giving
two mites, with pure motives, does more towards accomplishing
this stupendous work, than all the offerings of the ungodly rich,
who seek their own praise and glory.
But 0, the weight of that curse that must rest on the shoul-
ders of those that have lavished their spare pennies, dollars, hun-
dreds or thousands, on their own persons, in gold, pearls, costly
array, barns, furniture, luxury, and profusion in eating and drink-
ing, unnecessary cost on public edifices, to popularize their cities
and villages, while a voice, loud and long, comes from destitute
millions, in distant lands, saying, send us the Gospel ; and the
poor and needy shiver with cold, and pine and perish with hun-
ger beneath their shadow. God have mercy, and save us, as in-
dividuals, from sharing in this iniquity, and the certain and fear-
ful curse which must follow it.
Do not say this language is too severe; it is no more so than
are the Scriptures. Hark, what does the Saviour say? How
hardly shall they that have riches enter into heaven; sooner
could a camel go through the eye of a needle. With the grace-
less it is impossible. But God can deliver us from the inordinate
love of wealth, which leads the rich into covetousness and vile
idolatry, and the poor to pine in discontent and murmur. God
can deliver us with Him all things are possible. Fly to Him,
ye rich. Ask Him to unclench the convulsed nerves of your
hands, that they may be wide open to the poor, to the cause of
missions, and every institution of benevolence. Put your wise
heads together, and form a social system, whereby something wor-
thy of the boasted light of the nineteenth century may be done.
Answer me, is it not chiefly on account of covetousness and
pride that God has a controversy with the churches ? Go into
the superb temples of worship, in populous cities, where costly
silks rattle and gold and satin shine. Is that the place where the
lowly Jesus displays His love and power, to warm and comfort
the hearts of saints, and melt the flinty hearts of sinners ? No,
in general it is all you can do to gaze on outward splendor, and
when tired of this, to keep awake under the preaching. The
Lord's poor can find no nourishment, if they find a seat; and to

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the rich, one of the Tribune's pads would be a convenience.
Would it be so if the Church would abridge her expenses to her
necessities, and husband the surplus to support the living instru-
ments and institutions to forward the cause of Christ and the
weal of human kind ? Ah, no! — then should we see fulfilled
the glowing promise to the Church in the 35th chapter of Isaiah:
“Then shall the wilderness and solitary places be glad for them:
the desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose; it shall blossom
abundantly, and rejoice with joy and singing. The glory of Leba-
non shall be given unto it; the execellency of Carmel and Shar-
on. They shall see the glory of the Lord, and the excellency of
our God. That promise we shall see accomplished, and if we will,
may aid in fulfilling it. That we may, is the prayer
of
yours
in
a precious Christ.
ELLEN STEWART.
A CHAPTER ON SPIRITUAL PRIDE.
Perhaps none more need caution, warning and watchfulness:
against what is denominated spiritual pride, than such as are most
devoted to God and His work, and have been signally blessed and
made useful. As Christians we have a mighty, a skillful and cun-
ning adversary to contend with, and well might St. Peter say,
“Be watchful, be vigilant; because your adversary, the devil, as
a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”
At first he will try to scare us from duty. If this faiks, he will
summon to his aid Mr. Shame, so aptly mentioned in Bunyan's
Pilgrim's Progress; and if this will not do, and we decidedly and
determinedly follow after Jesus, in the way of the cross, and are
likely to overcome and gain a final victory, he will shift his mode
of attack, and with all the appearance of an angel of light, begin
to commend us to ourselves, praise our good deeds and perform-
ances, and congratulate us on the great victories gained over him-
self. If by his inward suggestions he cannot succeed, he will
call in the aid of well meaning but injudicious persons, to flatter
and caress. And if we become in any measure puffed up and
vain, in the same proportion the pure and holy Spirit flies from
us, and leaves us to work alone, because we have lost the sense
of our dependence on Him, and on Him who said, ' without me

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237
ye can do nothing." And sorry work do we make it, to work
without Him in His vineyard. Though with a complete set of
outward machinery, or such mechanical qualifications as we may
please, we cannot profit.
On a visit to the State of New York, I made the acquaintance
of a gifted Methodist sister in Rochester, said to be a subject of
the celebrated work of Sanctification. Being in much labor of
mind and athirst for the blessing, I hoped to gain some instruc-
tion from her. But though her appearance was sanctimonious, I
was forced to turn from her with pity and disgust. To all but
herself it was evident that instead of standing by faith in Christ,
in all humility of soul, she was puffed up with a sense of her own
holiness and self-reliance. She appeared sincere, and I hope has
long since escaped from the snare.
In the same State a young minister came on our circuit, it be-
ing his second year of traveling. In both years his labors had
been signally blessed of God, especially among the youth. After
this he was stationed at a distance, until about two or three years
after, when he came and preached for us again. But Oh, how
changed! His manner, his countenance, his gestures, all betray-
ed the state of his mind, and the discerning saw him on the pin-
nacle of pride and self-esteem. We were told he afterwards saw
where he stood, and broke down before God, weeping and mourn-
ing over his pride, and again found his place at the feet of Jesus.
A Quaker and a Methodist once agreed to tell each other the
faults of their denominations. After the Methodist told the faults
of the Quakers, the other proceeded, saying, “ One fault of the
Methodists is, they praise their preachers too much. When we
are comforted and edified under preaching, we only say, “The
Lord has favored our brother to-day.'
ELLEN STEWART.
)
A DREAM.
DEAR Editor :- One night my thoughts dwelt long and anx-
iously on the perilous condition of a world lying in wickedness,
every moment liable, by disease or accident, to be hurried out of
time, without preparation to meet their God, or enter heaven.-
And considering how many laborers there are in the vineyard of

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God, and how much is done and suffered to save sinners from a
burning hell, and yet how few can be persuaded to make their
escape, while they have time and opportunity so to do, with sor-
row and eagerness I inquired, why are they so deaf to warnings
and entreaties to turn to God, when the most of them acknowl-
edge the truth of what is preached to them, and would turn
away with disgust, and say those men are liars, if they preached
the opposite doctrine, i. e., that there was no danger ? Then
again I asked, if the matter is truth which is preached, is there
not some fault in the manner by which such labor is lost?
While musing thus, I fell asleep, and had the following dream:
I thought I stood in the suburbs of a large city, and saw in the
most populous part of it an elegant building which was on fire. It
appeared as if the devouring element had just commenced its
ravages, in a back part, near the ground. But the flame bursting
occasionally, with a volume of black smoke, presaged its certain
destruction, unless by some means extinguished. Yet its prog-
ress was slow, owing to an unusual stillness of the atmosphere
and surrounding elements. Many anxious spectators collected,
some of whom had friends and relatives in the burning edifice.
These were for rushing forward to the rescue, with the first
means that offered. Others said, “No, ther are firemen in the
city. It is their business and prerogative to extinguish the fire."
So they called for them, and they came with their engines and
apparatus in hand. Men and women stood trembling, watching
their speed; but alas ! though fountains of water were near, and
all the means ready, the firemen were not agreed as to the man-
ner of preparation for action. Some were for going immediately
to the fountain, filling their engines, and plying them against the
fire without delay. But the leaders said, Nay, they must
first be awakened who are sleeping in that house." On rushed
eagerly a part of their number to awaken the sleepers, but again
their leaders called them back saying, “You are not prepared to
deliver a message to those people. There are the president and
statesman, doctors and lawyers, there are the learned and the
great, and the wise sleeping there. And though you succeed in
awakening them, and tell them of their danger, you cannot make
them believe it, or persuade them to make good their escape, un-

LETTERS.
239
less you are able to speak grammatically, eloquently, with ele-
gance of diction, and profound rhetoric. They will only be dis-
gusted with your uncouth language, and laugh at your illiterate
harangue.
So I saw that the greater number came back, to make prepa-
ration; and pen in hand, they sat glancing at ancient and modern
history, and hastily drawing from treasured stores of memory,
the sayings of learned authors and ancient fathers. Then with
books and notes in hand, they hastened to the burning house.
Its aspect by this time was threatening, though the progress of
the flames was still slow, for the four winds seemed holden, as if
by the commissioned angel, from blowing on that house. They
called out timidly to the sleepers, “Up! get you out of this
place. Escape for your lives, for the Lord will destroy this city!"
But the awful fact of their present case and astounding danger
were delivered in such eloquent style and pleasing manner, that
they mistrusted not that death and destruction were so near, and
only admired the eloquence of the speakers. When they had
gone to another apartment, I heard one saying, “ A. is certainly
an able man." Another said, “B. is the best speaker I ever
heard.” Another, “C. is smarter than either of them.” In fact
the minds of both speakers and hearers wer so absorbed in the
beautiful theory or letter of the message, that they thought not
of immediate danger.
In the meanwhile the winds of heaven were let loose, and the
whole edifice, with surrounding ones, was enveloped in flames.-
Few of the inmates escaped with life, and some of the firemen
also perished in the flames. I saw them melted in the curling
flames of crackling fire. I heard their heart-rending lamenta-
tions, and thus 'soliloquized to myself in the agony of my soul :
O, how foolish, how infatuated were these men! Why could
they not have seen that truth, undressed in the trappings of ex-
cellency of speech and of man's wisdom, has greater power and
charms? To dress her is to obscure her beauty. When in her
lovely nudity, she is most lovely in the eyes of the good, and
most convincing, most terrific in those of bad men.
ELLEN STEWART.
Copley, Ohio, Feb., 1858.

240
LETTERS.
STRONG-MINDED WOMEN.
DEAR EDITOR:- In the Church Advocate of March 18th, in an
article from the pen of Miss E. H. Sears, which, though doubtless
aiming at the inculcation of pure and right principles, contains
remarks too indiscriminating in their nature. This is an error
too common with us all. We come in contact with some newly
risen association, in which we see inconsistencies and errors,which
shock our sensibilities. Our education and surroundings natur-
ally tend to prejudice our minds against all who are associated
with them, or denominated under the same name or term; and
without being fully informed whether there be any wheat with
the chaff, with our broad, indiscriminate broom we sweep them
all by the board.
I fear, by the way, that I fell into this error, in writing of the
Spiritualists, in my former letter, and by way of atonement
would say just here, that I am acquainted with individuals among
them who are truly amiable in their daily life and spirit, and ap-
pear every way unexceptionable ; only, not being sufficiently
armed with biblical knowledge and correct theology, to with-
stand the supremely sophistical and plausible arguments of mod-
ern unbelievers, they have been swept by the (to them) irresis-
tible tide. I doubt not there are hundreds of this same class.
God remembers them in mercy, and will provide for their recla-
mation to the truth. Let us pray for them.
But to the article. I think, though it were admissible in gen-
eral, of the French women, that they were governed only by
such motives in youth and riper years, as the love of notoriety,
and led thereby to alternate infidelity, and to be zealous devotees
of religion, it is still very likely that there is, and ever has been,
a pious and respectable minority, who, governed by purest mo-
tives and principles, are the seed and nucleus from which will
spring the final triumph of truth in that nation.
In like manner, I doubt not what is said by Miss S., of
green
youths and apprentices, who form debating clubs; and girls, of
whom you find plenty in the factories in New England and Ohio,
is true to a great and lamentable extent. But the epithet,
strong minded," is not applicable to them, nor is likely to be,
so long as their progress is in the direction of self-conceit and
66

LETTERS.
241
pride. Into this they are led by those who destroy their rever-
ence for the Sacred Book, and inspire them with a zeal not ac-
cording to knowledge, and arrogant pretension and the foolish
preferences and unsparing denunciations described by her.
In short, there is a class, not only in the factories of New Eng-
land and Ohio, but all through the land, of whom all she says is
true. But she seems to place all the votaries of women's rights,
or those who are dignified with the (with many reproachful
terms,) “strong minded,” or who adopt what, from its first in-
ventor, is called the Bloomer dress, in the same category, and
congeals them into one great abhorrent lump. Whereas, the
main supporters of the women's rights cause are believers in the
Bible, and inculcate its doctrines, and exemplify them in daily
life and conversation ; and their arguments in their organs are
based
upon the Scriptures, and the Declaration of American In-
dependence. Witness a few numbers of the Lily, which I will
send herewith, which I hope will be read with that candor and
liberality which becomes Christians of the nineteenth century;
and I think when they are thus read, you will agree with me,
that to the writers of that organ, though not exclusively, belongs
the title of “strong minded.” Those who deny the Bible and
its doctrines, unjustly arrogate to themselves the title; and to
shield themselves from the arrows of truth, raise their banners,
emblazoned with the inscription of Abolition, Temperance, Wo-
men's Rights, Benevolence, Brotherly Love, &c. As to their
adopting the Bloomer dress, it does not derrogate from the self-
evident and sorrowful truth, that in this direction a reform is
needed, and that Mrs. Bloomer, or any other woman or man, who
studies to find, and presents when they think they have discov-
ered an improvement, or an inducement to their sex to take off
the screws, wherewith hundreds, if not thousands, have crushed
their vitals to the death, and to so far rebel against the imperious
tyrant, Fashion, as to ensure freedom to their limbs and promote
health, are the benefactors of mankind; and though they are not
appreciated, but reproached by the world, for their pains, God
will reward them.
True, as Miss Sears says, the class she describes in her last ar-
ticle are the weak, not the strong minded, and are false pretend-
16

242
LETTERS.
ers to progress in true wisdom; and if they pursue the same
course to the end, will find not only their pretensions, but their
hopes, a sham. But that every woman, who has found and oc-
cupied any other sphere than housewifery, boiling sour_krout or
mending stockings, is governed by the motives she has described,
or is out of her appropriate sphere, is not true. That in all things
in which her mind (youthful and plastic, as I suppose,) is not
lightly informed, she may be enlightened, and be a shining light
in the world, is the prayer of hers,
Respectfully,
ELLEN STEWART.
Copley, Ohio, April, 1858.

POETRY.
243
THE APPLE TREE.- SOLOMON'S SONG, 2: 3.
BY CHARLOTTE CARPENTER.
Where is my precious Apple Tree-
The glory of the wood ?
O that I now could find it !
I know its fruit is good.
I've often sat beneath its shade,
Its fruit was sweet to me;
But now I cannot find it -
Where is my Apple Tree?
Where is my charming Apple Tree
It is an ever-green;
In summer and in winter
It always may be seen.
Its leaves will heal the nations
Of all impurity;
It grows at living waters
Where is my Apple Tree ?
Where is my glorious Apple Tree!
It's always yielding fruit;
Its flavor is delightful,
Our appetites to suit.
If we were ever feasting,
Its fruit would never cloy;
It gives us life and pleasure --
Sin only can destroy.
Where is my lovely Apple Tree!
It never will decay;
The moment you behold it,
All sorrow flies away.
If you should feast upon it
To all eternivy,
You would not wish to leave it
Where is my Apple Tree ?
Where is my beauteous Apple Tree ?
If you its name would know,
Tis Jesus: He, the antetype,
Will endless life bestow.
If you will feed upon it,
Immortal you shall be,
And reign with Him forever,
My glorious Apple Tree.




THI
C2
1858
St Stewart, Ellen
Ellen Browse



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