WILLIAM L.
CLEMENTS
LIBRARY
University of Michigan
Gift of
The Clements Library
Associates









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NARRATIVE
or T H E.
F.I.F.E, OCCURRENCES, VICISSITUDES
PRESENT SITUATION,
Qº
K. WHITE.
Compiled and collated by herself...Feb. 1809.
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SCHENECTADY :
1809.


PREFA CE.
–º º ºs-
|s giving the characters of the times,
it ought not to be with a design to
inflame the mind or corrupt the heart º
but with a laudable desire and intention
to contrast vice with virtue, that the
former might be hated by being seen,
and the latter caressed and admired,
as leading to present and future hap-
piness.
Modern living characters will make
a stronger impression no the mind,
than raking up the virtuous actions ºf
the deceased ancients.

vi
I he errors of our own country
women will check the vicious career
of their sisters, and teach, from their
misfortunes, how the pit of misery
may be shunned. Perhaps few women
have a better claim, to be distinguished
for the vicissitudes of life than the
authoress ; especially in taking a retro-
spective view of my infant state.
Educated from precept and example,
by my parents, in the principles of
virtue and religion; who never set
before my eyes an example of vice,
nor ever omitted an opportunity to
instii into my mind the principles of
virtue.
I am aware of the critics; they have
no claim to this production. It is the
deliberate and reflecting philanthropic
mind, for whom it is designed, and

wii
such I am convinced, will throw a veil
over any imperfections that may pre-
sent, and meet with a liberal construc-
tion.
Under these impressions I have
ventured to usher the following sheets
to the public.
THE AUTHORESS,

CHAPTER I.
The Authoress introduced to the public
... Her Parentage and Birth.... Her
arrival in America....Anecdotes of the
Voyage.
----------- Beware of yonder dog,
Look when he fawns, he bites and when he bites
His venom tooth will rankle to the death.
SHA Kºsºr. An E, Ritch, III,
---
Custom has sanctioned the ap-
pearance of authors before the public
in propria persona. Before the awful
bar of criticism they arearraigned, and
their fate depends on the verdict about
to be pronounced. A timid female,
unused to so severe and arduousa task,
with trembling step, approaches the
threshold of her tº tale of woe”.








IO
“plain unvarnished” tale she is about
to unfold. She may indeed be subject
to all the weaknesses of her sex, and
may therefore have some claim on
your pity and indulgence. From these
weaknesses she can plead and offer no
exemption; her only study shall be to
relate “ facts”... Facts that may em.
phatically entitle her to a place among
the sons and “daughters of woe.”
I was born in Edinburgh, the metro-
polis of Scotland, in the year 1772,
and came to America in the year 1775,
together with my parents. We set
sail in the ship Charming Susan bound
for Boston, and laden with merchan-
dize. My father, whose mind was al-
ready afflicted with misfortunes, was a
merchant, and whose endeavors to gain
a fortune had been repeatedly frustrate

ll.
edby the accidents incident to trade, in
the loss of a ship at sea and other losses.
He at length turned his attention to a
settlement in the western world, vain-
ly trusting that there he would be freed
from the persecutions of his evil genius,
he engaged a passage for himself, my
two brothers and four sisters, with
captain L
, who commanded the
ship Charming Susan. Our passage for
many days, was uninterrupted by any
incident worthy of notice; the captain
appeared anxious of making himself
agreeable, and the company we had
contributed much to the pleasures of
the voyage; it consisted of seven male,
and seven female passengers...one of
them particularly (a Mrs. Carmichael,
an Irish lady who had recently lost her
husband) was possessed of every ac-

12
complishment which could endear her
to society; a soft melancholy had
stamped its traces on her countenance
and added to the interest she was cal-
culated to excite. Captain L *
(whose real character was that of a pro-
fessed libertine, and devoid of feeling
and humanity) paid her, during the
passage, many marked attentions,
which were returned by Mrs. Car-
michael with a distant coldness and res-
pect; her heart “ was not attuned to
love,” and the captain's manners were
far from being pleasing to a female.
Few of the passengers, however, except
my father, appeared to notice his be-
haviour, but an occcurence soon at-
tracted the attention of the company.
Mrs. Carmichael had one evening
received an insulting offer from the

15
captain, couched in still grosser lar-
guage, and which she had repulsed
with disdain ; she complained of it to
my father and stated that her situation
was extremely irksome and that, unless
she was relieved from the captain’s im-
portunities, she must leave the ship the
first opportunity that offered. My
father, whose humanity was sensibly
affected by this statement, took the op-
portunity of remonstrating with the
captain. An altercation ensued which
terminated in a resolution of all the
passengers, to resent the first insult the
captain would dare to offer to the lady,
A calm ensued and apologies were
made and accepted....But, oh! how
deceitful this calm...a few ghts after,
the passengers were aroused from
their slumber by ". cry of “ murder,

14
Murder,” they rushed to the place
from whence it issued and beheld
Mrs. Carmichael lying in an agony of
distress, and the captain that moment
leaving her; no doubt could be enter-
tained of the objects of the captain’s
visit and of his dastardly attempt upon
her honor, which attempt but too fit-
ally succeeded. Without hesitation the
captain was put under arrest and con-
tinued a prisoner the greater part of
the voyage. It may be readily con:
ceived that the time subsequent to this
transaction, was not the most pleasant.
The mate, who commanded the vessel,
was odious to the sailors, he established
new regulations and entrenched upon
their diet; the sailors, also, reposed no
conſidence in his nautical abilities, but
were well assured of the captain's super
15
riority to him in every respect. They
demanded his release, and threatened
to mutiny in case of refusal; the pas-
sengers resolved not to release the
captain. No doubt a serious contest
would have followed, had not a storm
set in which required all hands to man-
age the vessel; and in addition to this,
a leak was discovered which kept the
pumps constantly at work ; the storm
continued ten days, during which time
it became necessary to lighten the ves-
sel, nay, even to throw overboard
some of the water casks. The mate
had lost the reckoning and none could
ascertain the latitude we were in. What
added to our misfortunes was, our be.
ing put upon our allowance of water,
and our miseries would have been
terminated in a very few days by a

16
complete want of it, had not Provi.
dence kindly provided against it. A
vessel hove in sight! All was joy and
confusion; in a few hours we hailed
her, and received a resh supply of wa-
ter; but what was also equally impor-
tant to us, we were informed of the
ship's bearing and course. Thus relie-
yed, the passengers consented to the
captain's discharge upon his parole of
honor, not to molest any of the ladies
and to conduct himself with perfect
propriety. This being adjusted, we
arrived in Boston in thirteeen days
after. Our arrival was, to the passen-
gers, a most joyful event, as for
the captain, he was soon arrested by
an officer of police and conducted to
prison upon the charge of Mrs. Car:
michael for the outrage he had com-






17
mitted upon her, during the passage.”
* The principal facts in this chapter were given
me by my father, who, also, told me, that the cap-
tain was tried and convicted, but had the good for-
tune to escape from prison and absconded to the
East-Indies, that after remaining there some years
he was accidentally drowned. -

CHAPTER II.
Authoress’ Education..... Removal to
Stockbridge.... Taken prisoner by the
Indians.... Her treatment while a-
among them.... Some account of their
Manners and Customs.... Their Bar-
barity tºwards an English prisoner.
* Misfortune marked thee for her own,
* and frost-like nipped the very bud of hope”
Axon.
Although my parents were
not the most splended favorites of
fortune, yet that capricious goddess
had been bountiful enough to them
in the competencies and even con-
veniencies of life. My prospects were
above mediocrity. I was beloved of
my parents and the “ cold blast of
woº had as yet not ruſhed the coº
placency of my situation. On my fa-

19
ther's arrival in America he placed me
at school. This indulgent parent knew
and appreciated the value of education
and the necessity of imparting to the
infant mind, the rudiments of virtue
and knowledge upon which all our
future hopes of happiness must depend.
I soon became a favorite at school-
The kindness of my tutor flattered me
with the opinion that I possessed a
mind superior to most of his scholars.
I became (tho' a mere girl) fond of
my task and would lament the time of
my absence from school, as much as
some of the scholars would detest their
confinement. I was continually loaded
with presents for my industry and at:
tention, and by the time I was eight
years of age, I was an adept in almost
every kind of needle work and embroi-
-

20
dery. The war in America now be-
ginning to rage with great violence, I
removed from Boston to Stockbridge.
About this period too, I must lament
the departure of the best of parents for
England. His early and deep rooted
prejudices in favor of the royal cause,
could not be eradicated ; his residence
in America, therefore became unsafe.
The name of “tory” carried with it
destruction; disgusted and disappoint-
ed he embarked for his native country.
At Stockbridge I was again put to
school with a teacher who united in
himself every qualification necessary
for the instruction of female children.
The school was situated in a lonely,
unfrequented place, at a considerable
distance from any other house, and
surrounded in every direction with

21
woods. Here my time was agreably
divided between recreation and study.
My schoolmates and myself in liesure
hours would frequently stray amongst
the woods and engage themselves in
picking wild berries, and would some-
times return late to the house. One
evening (and an evening I shall always
remember with horror) on my return
home ward to the school house my
companions having gone some dis-
tance before me, I was suddenly alarm-
ed with the horrid yellof savages. Con-
ceive the horror of a helpless orphan,
a mere child, whose imagination was
alive to the tomahawk and the knife,
and the yells every moment approach-
ing nearer, my little feet bruised and
fretted by the severties and fatigue of
running, refused their office.---I sat

22
down under a tree almost breathless
with agony and despair. I trusted I
would remain unperceived. I listened
to every breeze which passed, even
the rustling of a leaf affrighted me;
another yell announced their being
nearer Another, and another suc-
ceeded !—I still retained my senses
so far as to endeavor to hide myself
behind the tree; I rose for the purpose
and horrid to relate, that moment I was
struck prostrate to the earth by a
savage. Immediately he siezed me
by the hair, and by a whoop, to be
equalled only by a demon of hell, he
soon collected six more savages at the
place where I lay. I gave myself up for
lost....they immediately stripped me
and tied my hands behind my back ;
in this situation they forced me to walk

as
the whole night; if I stºpped thro'
fatigue, I was knocked down and the
least delay in rising again was reward-
ed by kicks and bruises. It will be
vain for me to describe the agonies of
that night, suffice it to say, at the dawn
of morning we halted in a retired part
of a wood, where shortly after they
threw towards me a piece of dried
meat, tasting like pork, though
since I learnt it was Bears meat, to
satiate my hunger. Here we remained
till night when they again ordered me
to follow them ; to refuse was useless.
We marched that whole night and con-
tinued the same manner of travelling
by night and resting by day, for four
days more, at the end of which, we ar-
rived at a small settlement of about
six or seven huts...The moment our
24. "
arrival was known, I was surrounded
by a number of male and female sava-
ges, each trying in their turn to injure
my feelings and to wound my peº on.
After suffering every insult and injury
my human nature was capable of my
infant years sunk beneath the load, I
became insensible and swooned away.
How long I remºined in this situation
I cannot determine, but would to God
that my senses had never returned.
When I a oke, I discovered myself
near a large fire surrounded by a circle
of Indians. I soon learned my unhappy
destiny. Two other prisoners who
hºld been brought to our encampment
(if such it may be called) were placed
near me tied like lambs for the slaugh-
ter. The Indians presented us three
small pieces of reed of different sizes










25.
and by signs directed us to draw each
me of them ; they were drawn, and a
young man of the name of George
Robison became the victim of their
hellish fury. I shall pass over the
manner of the tortures he experienced,
death soon relieved the poor sufferer
from the flames '...Our feelings, it will
be readily conceived, were torn with
anguish and indignation ; nor were
suspence and apprehension that our
fate would soon be the same, the least
painful. But fortune had other and
more painful afflictions in reserve for
me...The same evening we perceived
the savages in council and by their
operations we judged that they were
about removing farther into the coun-
ty; from our manner of travelling an
the situation we were in, I could form
º
º

º, ºr
º
no opinion of the distance we had
come, nor how near we were to any
white settlement. The reader will
therefore hardly expect, and that too
from a girl of my, then, tender years,
a distinct recollection of all the occur.
rences that took place, or to detail them
in a geographical manner. I was
sorely bruised and acerated; my arms
were cut almost to the bone, from the
withes I was tied with—my mind
occupied only by the dread of torture
º
ºd the devouring flame, tears almost
fatigue and abstinence had worn down
fame. A small tag of blanket was
ºn my covering, and a few pieces of
died, smoky meat my food. From
his painful situation I was aroused by
ºn Indian, who sternly directed ºne to







27
rise, and brutally pushed me forward,
My fellow prisoner, upon whom a vio-
lent ſever had seized, owing probably
to indisposition before his capture and
the cruelties he experienced after, fell
almost every step headvanced. Thesa-
wages soon perceived his situation and
humanely relieved him from his anguish
by the hatchet. I have often felt aston.
ished that, young as I was, my strength
still supported me under all these af.
fictions ! But the ways of Providence
are awful and mysterious ! We con-
tinued our march two days more and
arrived at another Indian settlement
rather larger than the former. Here
we tarried, as nearly as I can recollect,
about three months ; during this time,
I was employed as a servant in the hut
ºf an old Indian whose wife, it seems,

28
had taken a fancy to me, and was the
means, I verily believe, of saving my
life. In this family was an Indian also,
who had a smattering of the English
language, he would frequently inter-
pret to me, the conversations which
passed, in a broken, half intelligible
manner. I endeavored to obtain from
him a correct knowledge of our situa-
tion ; he informed me that his people
were king George's people and were
fighting the rebels ; that all the prison-
ers they took were destroyed except
those that were “purchased back” by
their friends, or saved by the old
squaws, that the “red-coats” (mean-
ing the British) had tried to save the
jives of the prisoners they took, but
that his nation would not consent....
yet, that as I was a “pretty girl” I
should not be hurt, but should be rº-

29
turned to my friends if possible; that I
should tell no one what he had inform.
ed me, and that I should by no means
try to escape, for if I did, I would be
killed. It was indeed, to this kind In-
dian I afterwards owed my liberty and
return to my friends. During my stay
among the Indians I could not but ob-
serve the following favorable traits in
their character.
1. They were humane to their friends,
and generous to excess.
2. Their children were in every res:
pect wholly obedient to their parents.
3. They were punctual in their
engagements and never forfeited their
word.
4. Whenever a stranger entered their
habitations his person was sacred.
I could not discover whether they

30
possessed any certain idea of a future
state; they did notopenly adore any di-
vinity except, if such may be called their
whoopings and dancings at the appear-
ance of a new Moon. The reader,
however may form, perhaps, a better
opinion of their sentiments of a deity
and a future state by the following
short dialogue which Iwell recollect, as
it was many years afterwards repeated
to me by an Indian who was present.
1st Indian....Yorontiskyº told me
this morning he had an ugly dream
last night, he says he was in a large
field and saw a white man, a rebel, drink
out of a red man’s skull.
2d Indian.... It can not mean harm,
for the Great Spirit would never per-
mit it, and if he did, the red man to
* A brother of this Indian,

3 i
whom the skull belonged, would rise
from his grave, and hurlit out of his
hands.
1st Indian....But the red man who
owned the skull, sleeps in his grave.
2d Indian....No, not so; he is with
the Great Spirit, where he enjoys him-
self in hunting and drinking, &c. &c.
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CHAPTER, III.
The Authoress releas d fom capti-
vity.... Returns to Bostºn... Is addres-
sed by a young gentleman, to whom
she becomes engaged to be married....
The tragical termination of the
courtship.
From opening skies, may streaming glories shine,
And saints embrace thee with a love like mine.
- Pors’s E Los I.A.
N.,,,,,,,,,,,. the friend.
ship and attention of my Indian master,
I every day became more anxious to
return to my friends. I communicated
my wish to my interpreter, who bade
me “be silent and wait till hunting
season was over.” How slow the mo.
ments were till this period arrived,
every one may conceive. Happily,
however, my spirits did not abandon

34
me: hunting season at length was over
and my Indian friend needed not to be
reminded of his promise. One night
after I was retired to rest, I felt some
person draw me by the hand, half
awaked by the intrusion, I changed my
position, but the drawing was repeated.
I looked around and being moonlight, I
discovered thro the crannels of the hut
where I laid, an Indian standing near
me. I rose in some trepidation ; he
bade me “make no noise,” his voice
was familiar to me, and ſat ength
found it was my Indian friend. He bade
me take my blanket round me and ſol-
how him. I did not want a second in-
vitation but followed him out of the
hut. When I came to the door he gave
me a small piece of dried meat, and
requested me to confide in him as he

35
was about to take me to “my friends.”
If an angel had announced these tidings
to me they could not have been more
grateful I flew rather than walked and
about four days I discovered I was
near a white man’s house ! I scarce felt
any fatigue tho’ I must have suffered
very much on the journey. This
friendly Indian told me to go to the
house as speedily as possible and that
he now must leave me ; he turned on
his heel and I saw him no more ; his
kindness I shal never forget. In a few
moments I reached the house and after
some difficulty was admitted. Here I
met with kind treatment, was clothed,
and in a few days after, as I was suffici.
ently recruited in my health, was sent
on in a waggon to Boston, to the great
joy of my afflicted mother and ſiends.

36
-
Shortly after I arrived in Boston my
father returned from England and was
welcomed by my mother with the sin-
cerest expression of happiness and mu-
tual congratulation. With these kind
parents I remained till I was seventeen
—an eventful epoch in the history of
most females Till this age of life no-
thing worthy of particular notice had
occurred to me, except what I have
already detailed. As is usual with
most girls, I received and went into
company ; endeavored to display all
the attractions I possessed, and often
imagined them successfully employed.
And, alas ! on one occasion too suc.
cessfully indeed! A young American
officer of the name of H****C******
soon became acquainted with me. A
mutual flame was the consequence of

37
this acquaintance. He was indeed well
calculated to make the impression ;
with an agreeable address and an ele-
gant person, he united most fascinat-
ing manners and persuasive eloquence.
He was assiduous incultivating and en-
creasing my regard for him, and soon
proposed to me......his heart and hand .
Young and giddy, as I was, I little
knew the too fatal consequences of this
attachment. He vowed, and sighed
—and I, alas, consented to become
his wife. The day was appointed to
consummate the hymeneal rites, and to
unite me to him for-life But fortune
had not done persecuting me. The
pleasing prospect of happiness was em-
bittered with wormwood and gall!! H
****C****** was already the hits.
andoſ another Three years before

*8
he became acquainted with me he had
been married to a lady in Pennsylvania,
whom he had been compelled to aban-
don by reason of her ill conduct and
infidelity But these facts he had ean-
tiously concealed from me. He had
been esteemda young unmarried man
in Boston, and an officeroſ distinguish-
ed'integrity and ability. I had at times
discovered in him an absence of mind
which to me was unaccountable, and
for which I often chided him severely.
One morning, and about ten days be:
fore the day fixed for our marriage,
he informed me of the necessity of his
immediately going to Philadelphia on
urgent business; but promised to re-
turn in two or three weeks at most.
We parted in tears. In about a foºt-
night after his departure I received
from him the following letter :
-

39.
- P/iladelphia,
Afty dearest K–
My abrupt departure from Boston
you will no doubt pardon on the reflec
tion that indispensable business alone
could detain me from you who pos-
sess my undivided affection. Yes,
my love, I adore you with the most
ardent passion. The mutual vows
which we have given and received
are endelibly engraven on my heart,
and shall descend with me to the
tomb. Since my departure I have
been gloomy and dejected. No at-
tempt to divert my attention has been
successful. Your image is continual-
ly before ºne. The lock of hair you
- t
companion, and my only solace under
the affliction of an absence rendered
have presented me is my constan
4()
doubly severe by the necessity I am
under of continuing it for a fortnight,
or three weeks longer, at the end of
which time I shall fly into your arms,
and make you mine for ever. Remem.
ber me to your kind parents and rela.
tives, and believe me to be,
Eternally your’s
H– C–
Such implicit confidence did I place
in the sincerity of my lover that Inever
entertained a doubt of the facts con-
tained in his letter; but little did I then
know that his journey to Philadelphia
was to quiet the claims of an abandoned
wiſe who had instituted a prosecution
against him for her support Myan-
swer to him was in these words:
Boston, —
My darest H-
Your letter filled me with the deep-







41
est grief to learn that your absence was
protracted beyond the time you con-
templated ºf en you left Boston. But
I must submit to the necessity which
separates me from my love, and live
only in the hope of seeing you at the
time mentioned in your letter. It will
be unnecessary to add how sensibly
yOur absence affects me, or how much
I am, yours, -
K— W-
This answer was written with a palpi-
tating heart and with trembling hands
dispatched to the post office. The
three weeks mentioned in his letter ex-
pired and yet no H-came ; I became
impatient and dejected, and sometimes
I fancied him treacherous and false and
again would dismiss the idea on the
42
recollection of his past assurances and
conduct. At length, however, he ar-
rives. I flew into his arms and fainted.
In a moment all was forgotten except
his tenderness and affection. A se.
eond day for our marriage was appoint-
ed, and in one week I was to be his
for ever ! I shall leave to lowers to
judge whether the interval between the
day of “sacred engagement” and the
“bridal day” justifies the antients in re-
presentingtime as possessed of wings.”
To me he was more like heavy Mor-
pheus than flying Mercury. The week
however soon rolled on till the day
previous to the appointed time. My
lover then informed me he must go a
few miles from Boston to see a friend
and return that evening...The evening
arrived and H– did not appear. To







43
be brief on a subject, the recollection
of which to this moment draws tears
from my eyes, H– had taken arsenic
that evening and was a CoR PSE
The event was soon, too soon, com-
municated to me; its effects had nearly
terminated my miserable existence.
Judge my feelings, when on the sum.
mit of happiness to be thus hurled into
the very depth of complicated woe.
For a week I was confined to my room.
and during two days of that time wholly
deprived of my senses. The world, after
this, appeared to me a dreary waste in
which not a solitary ray of hope could
be found; my friends were lost in con-
jecturing the cause of the sudden and
melancholy event of my dear H-. His
papers were examined and the cause
discovered, amongst the number was a


44
ſetter superscribed to “Miss K–
W–”. It is as follows:
My lovely and adorable K–
Ere this reaches you the hand that
writes it, that hand which was pledged
to you, will cease to move....despara-
tion appears to surround me on every
side. I never can be happy with or
without you ; forgive the deception I
practised upon you; my heart was yours,
tho my person was anothers....Wretch
that I was, how could I thus cruelly de-
ceive you, but my life shall pay the for.
feit of my folly.
It will be expected, and you have a
right to demand the cause of this last
and fatal act of mine, though my brain
is heated to distraction I shall attempt
briefly to state the causes which have
determined me on it. About three

45.
years ago I was married to a daughter
of Mr. G- Pi— of Philadelphia; this
marriage was the result rather of my
father’s wishes than of my own choice.
I was too young in fact to form a judg-
ment of my own, or to have felt the
soft influences of love. About nine
months after our marriage I began to
suspect an improper intimacy between
my wiſe and Mr. J– B– and within
a short time was convinced that my
suspicions were too well founded. I
abandoned her in a {ew months after
and procured an appointment in the
army; after being placed in various si-
tuations I arrived in Boston when your
charms completely subdued me; this
induced me to attempt to obtain a
divorce from my wife in which I failed
for want of proof of her infidelity,

46.
She continued to harrass and persecute
me. Hearing I was in this place about
to be married, she set off to frustrate
my wishes. She arrived here yester-
day / Curse on my fate—The dye is
cast—There is no alternative–On
either side exposure and misery are
certain. But that shall be mine alone tº
Adieu. We shall, I hope, meet in a
better place.
Adi, u, Mdieu, Adieu,
H–C–


==
º
CHAP. IV.
Authoress addressed by S- W- who
arrives from England...Is prevailed
apon to marry him... Birth of a child
... Its death...S.- W -- deserts his
wife... Its cause.
Misfortunes never come alone,
But in battalions. Shakg speaR*.
A. Melancholy, which had nearly
proved fatal to me, succeeded the tra-
gical death of my lover ; my parents
permitted me to wearmourning assoon
as my health would admit my appear-
ance abroad. About three months af.
ter my lover’s death, S-W – came
to Boston, and being distantly related
to my fathcr; made his abode with us.
He possessed insinuating manners, and
by his attention to the family, soon in-

A9
ºratiated himself in my father's esteem.
He professed also top y me a particu-
lar regard, and in due time declared
himself to my father as my admirer.
I could not, however, find a place in
my bosom for a second flame, the first
having been too ardent to be easily
extinguished. It will not be necessary
to dwell on all the particulars of this
second courtship. My father was stren-
uous to win my consent to a union
with S-W – I yielded to his impor-
tunity, and our marriage was celebrated
in about thirteen months after my low-
cr's death. I cannot say I was altoge.
ther indifferent to S- W-, his ap-
parent sincerity and attentions had
nearly closed the wound which the
death of my lover * occasioned; and
for several months I had no reason to
lament my having bestowed my hand
on him. But he was practically a hy-
pocrite ; he had no sense of honor,
but his depravity was concealed under
a veil which in time was removed only
to display the consummate powers of
treachery and falsehood. Forgetful of
his former assiduities, he had the base.
mess to form an intrigue with my cham-
permaid.... robbed her of her inno-
cence and then inhumanely left her a
prey to her own conscience and a bur.
den to the community. The fruit of
this amour was an infant who with its
mother was abandoned by him to the
scoffs and insults of an unfeeling world.
To aggravate his cruelties, he fled from
Boston and deserted me, then far ad-


51
vanced in a state of pregnancy. Thus
was I deprived of a lover by suicide
and of a husband by his own villany
and depravity.

- -
-
-
-
- -
- -
-
- -
- -
-
-
- - - - -
- - -
- -
-
- -
-




CHAPTER V.
Authoress enters into trade.,,. Her em.
barrassments occasioned by her hus-
band’s creditors.... Fai's in trade.... I's
charged with forgery and acquitted....
Leaves Boston.... Settles in Provi-
dence (R. Island) and engages again
àn trade.
Subsequest to my husband's
departure, I remained with my brother
in law in Boston. The state of my
mind was wretched beyond description.
I was borne down under a pressure of
calamities all tending to convince me
that -
**............ Happiness below,
“Is but a fleeting flower that fades as soon
* As the rude hand of misºry and woe

54
The idea of remaining a burden tº
my friends was extremely painful; my
husband, in his precipitate flight, either
from want of time to remove it, or from
a more honorable sentiment of compas-
sion towards his wife and offspring,
had left me a property worth perhaps
about two thousand dollars. The con-
fidence I entertained of my own talents
led me to believe that by entering into
business as a merchant, I might acquire
an independency, or at least, a compa-
tency. I made the attempt ; I com-
menced business as a merchant with a
small assortment of goods, and for some
time togreatadvantage; fortune seemed
(and only seemed) to have forgotten for
a while her cruel persecutions; for the
sportive goddess soon recalled to mind
that I “ lºg stºl her victiºn.”

55
My husband's creditors (who were
numerous) began to be clamorous for
payment of their demands; they saw his
wife with a handsome property belong-
ing to him trading in the very town in
which they resided ; the temptation to
wrest this from my possession was too
sweet to be resisted.... Process was en-
tered against me by them and I was
summoned to answer in court. Alarmed
at this procedure, I resorted to counsel
who recommended me to adjust with
the creditors without delay. The con-
sequence was, I assumed the debts
which my husband owed and continu-
ed my trade. At the end of eighteen
months I discovered myself worth con-
siderable less than nothing; my abili.
ties for merchandize being less than
expected, I had been made the dºpe
----

56
of too many of my customers and bank.
ruptcy stared me in the face. I was
in arrear at least three thousand dollars,
and goals and sheriffs became the con-
stant theme of my meditations. Ano-
ther occurrence also alarmed my mind
and jeopardized my liberty. I was char-
ged with forgery The circumstances
leading to this charge Ishall briefly men.
tion. After my husband's departure I
examined the papers he left with me
and amongst the rest I discovered a
note of hand for about fifty pounds.
signed by one L – P-, which with
some other obligations I caused to be
put in suit, L– P- appeared and
contended the note was altered in the
date of it and in the sum to be paid,
The consequence was he applied for
a warrantagainst me and I was arrested.

$7
Fortunately I found good security for
my appearance at court and was set at
liberty. I accordingly appeared, was
arraigned and tried for this pretended
forgery before a court of sessions in
the county of Worcester...unacquaint-
ed with the forms of law, I employed
counsel who on the day of trial manag-
ed the cause for me. The court was
unusually crouded by an audience at-
tracted with the novelty of the scene and
various opinions were entertained as to
the fate of my defence. I challenged
a number of the jury who I knew had
prejudices against me, till at length a
full jury were sworn ; the trial con-
tinued till late in the evening when after
a very honorable and impartial charge
from the court the jury retired and in
ten minutes time returned a verdict

58
of not guilty. As L– P-was very
odious in society, and as I was gener-
ally believed to be innocent, a shout of
applause was given by the audience im.
mediately on hearing the verdict which
with some difficulty was silenced by
the court. I was now discharged from
court and did not discover that I had
suffered much with the public in point
of reputation. The charge of perjury
was justly viewed as a malicous fabri.
cation set on foot by some of my foes
with a design to persecute and destroy
me.
My pecuniary circumstances were
as yet not suspected to be deranged
but I soon found that concealment for
a much longer time was vain. Having
received letters from Providence, in
Rhode Island, representing that I mi ght

59
do well in that place, and having some
relations there, I formed the resolution
of renoving to that town. I accordingly
set off for Providence and on my arrive
al engaged a store and entered into bu-
siness there. Here again I was fol.
lowed by my husband’s creditors and
threatened with prosecutions; accounts
were daily presented against me and
every moment I expected to be incar-
cerated in a dungeon. Driven and per-
secuted from place to place, I almost
despaired of ever being in a state of
quietude and peace. I knew that to
remain longer in Providence would be
dangerous and I therefore resolved to
leave it as soon as possible.
-






CHAPTER VI.
The authoress leaves Providence in con-
sequence of her embarrassments....
Goes to the state of New-York....
Visits many flºces in that state....
Suspected at Schenectady to be a man
in disguise.... While so suspected re-
ceives advances from a young lady
and engages to marry /ier /.... //;e
whimsical denouement of thºs court-
ship....She leaves Schenectady.
“Yes, truly, I was taken for a
* MAN tho’ indeed I looked very well
“As Wom AN considering I weighed 14 stone
“good weight
* But I will be revenged of them for the
** a ſºront........... SHAREs praise.
! * LL my attempts to acquire a
competency having proved abortive;
driven from place to place, 'ife had lost
all its attractions. I had scarce a soli-
6 -







62
tary hope of tasting its sweets. With
these feelings I arranged my affairs
in Providence and left it in disgust on
the 25th February 1801, and on the 2d
March ensuing, after a fatiguing pas-
sage arrived in Lansingburgh, in the
county of Rensselaer and state of
New-York. In Lansingburgh I re-
mained but one night and set off for
Schenectady next morning, and put up
at Mr. Gilbert's tavern, where I remain-
ed ten weeks. A public house did not
altogether please me altho' I had a room
to myself and was introduced to many
of the ladies and gentlemen in that city.
In this part of my memoirs it will be
proper to state a circumstance with
which my readers ought to be ac-
quainted. Although in my younger
ears I was of slender form yet as I ad-

63
vanced in age, I became large in stature
somewhat of a masculine form, of a ro-
bust strong complexion, so that upon
the whole I would not make a bad ap-
pearance as a man, were I dressed in
masculine attire. My female readers
will perhaps smile at the fact, but Na-
ture had so tº ordered it” and I could
not remedy it. -
While at Mr. Gilbert’s I was not
disposed to correct an opinion which
prevailed with some who saw me, on
account of my figure &c. that I was a
man in disguie. The suspicion served
to amuse me, and in some measure, to
divert my attention. A young lady of
agreeable deportment who was inhabits
of intimacy at Mr. Gilbert's, being one
day on a visit to Mrs. Gilbert, observed
me as I entered my room, struck with

64
my appearance she enquired, after my
leaving the room, who I was. My
landlady answered, that all she knew,
was, that I was a lady from one of the
eastern states, upon which the young
lady observed, that she suspected me,
from my appearance, to be a man ; to
which opinion my landlady seemed to
assent. A few days after, I received a
billet in these words :
THURSDAY.
* Miss. E-J–
“Having observed at Mr. Gilbert's a
few days since, a certainperson in wo.
man’s attire and judging that circum-
stances had rendered this disguise ne-
cessary to conceal the sex of the party,
wishes to have an interview with the
person at Mr. Gilbert's this evening at
eight o'clock. hould E--- J--- be

65
correct in this belief, she wishes it un-
derstood, that the designed interview,
is with the best intentions of relieving
distress under whatever form it may be
found....If incorrect she wishes this
note to be destroyed.”
Directed, “To the unknown person
at Mr. Gilbert’s.” .
I received this billet from Mrs. Gil-
bert, who mentioned that I was the per-
son thereby intended. I read it with
some surprise intermixed with a desire
to have some amusement on the occa-
sion. I immediately penned the fol.
lowing answer which I sent to the lady :
“The unknown person to whom
Miss E--- J--- had the goodness to ad-
dress a note this morning does not feel
at liberty to be explicit in answering
Miss, E--- J---'s polite billet at this

66
time and in this manner. This much
however, may be said, that an interview
will be received with extreme pleasure
at the time appointed, when Miss E----
J---- shall be satisfied on the subject of
her enquiries.”
This answer being dispatched, I pre-
pared myself for the appointment with
considerable alacrity; as my chin want-
ed the masculine appearance of a beard,
I supplied the deficiency in the best
manner I could. The hour being ar-
rived, I went to my chamber, directing
Mrs. Gilbert to send the lady when
she came up to my room. A few mo-
ments after the hour she mentioned in
her note to me, she entered my room,
apparantly much embarrassed. I de-
sired her to be seated, when the follow
ing dialogue passed between us.

67
* I presume, madam, said she, you
* are somewhat surprised at the liberty
* I have taken in calling here ; believe
“me, it was with good intentions; if
“however you are really a woman, let
* me no longer remain in suspense.”
“I feel so much obliged to you, an-
“swered I, for your solicitude for
“my welfare, that I cannot but render
“you my unfeigned thanks for your
“kindness. I am indeed unfortunate,
“your goodness however is entitled to
“an explecit answer. I am, not what
“I appear to be....I have been other.
“wise than what I appear,” (alluding
to my former and present situation in
life. The reader will doubtless censure
this equivoque, and justly too. I feel
its full weight, I could have wished to
have omitted this incident had not a
68
regard to truth compelled me to narrate
it.) “Then you are a man,” cried she
with some surprize mixed with plea-
sure, “ and pray, sir, may a perfect
“stranger to you be so bold as to en-
“quire the motives of concealing your
“sex 2 For withoutflattery, it may be
“ said that your appearance as a man
“would in many respects conduce to
“your happiness.” “Madam,” an-
swered I, “my life is a continued
“scene of misfortunes and distress. I
“ have from my cradle been the child of
“woe...your benevolence towards meis
“an evidence however of my not being
“totally deserted by the world; I shall,
“at your request, relate the important
“ parts of my life.” Here I gave her a
brief sketch of my parentage, birth &c.
cautiously avoiding any express decla-
- - |
-









69
ration of my sex. To conclude this
interview, she consented to call the
next evening at Mr. Gilbert's, and we
pledged our honor to each other to ob-
serve secrecy in relation to what passed
between us.
The next evening she called and we
had an agreeable tete a tete. Her visits
were continued for some time and an
engagement (do not smile, reader) of
matrimony was actually made between
us; the denouement, however, was
not altogether so agreeable. A young
gentleman who had observed her fre-
quent visits to Mr. Gilbert's and being
passionately fond of her, was deter-
mined to be a spy upon our conduct.
One evening standing at the door of
my room he overheard our conversation
and abruptly burst in upon us to the
70
very great astonishment of the lady and
myself. After making a severe charge
against me of attempting to seduce a
lady in a disguise, unmanly and inde-
corous, he commenced an attack upon
me with his cane, which I resisted and
fortunately left the room without much
injury.
To remain ſonger in Schenectady
was obviously improper, and I left is
next day with reflections not the most
agreeable....Indeed for this part of my
life, no apology can be offered, and I
can only trust, therefore, to the indulg-
ence of my readers to pass by a freak of
the moment which my better judgment
wholly condemned.






cº-
CHAPTER, VII.
Muthoress removes to Herkimer county
... Is there apprehended as a French
spy....Her examination before the ma-
gistrates, and is discharged.....Author-
ess robbed of a sum of money....Is af.
terwards arrested for debts contract-
ed while in trade, and committed to
prison.... Friendship of the sheriff in
prison.
Robed in justices' seat say you?—why ’tis mockery.
They wanted only ears half a foot long to make
them just like asses.—A won.
H. discharged my bill at
Mr. Gilbert's, I set out in the stage for
German-Flatts without even once bid.
ding adieu to my charming Miss E-
|- and leaving her and her quon.

74
dam lover to adjust the difference be-
tween them. On my arrival at the
German-Flatts on the 23d June, I put
up at a Doctor Griswold's, (a public
house,) and having a demand against a
Mr. B– W- of that place, in behalf
of my father, I sent to him for pay-
ment. He called and paid the debt he
owed me, and afterwards invited me to
spend a few days at his house. This
invitation was accepted with pleasure
—The state of my finances were such
as to render it very agreeable. I ac-
cordingly went to his house, but in a
few days after was placed in a very dis-
agreeble situation: my masculine ap-
pearance again afforded ground of sus-
picion, and three very sagacious justi-
ces had very wisely judged that I was
come to spy “the nakedness of the









75
land.”–In short as nobody knew who
or what I was, they concluded I must
necessarily be a French Spy / a per-
ſect logical deduction, indeed! An of
ficer, (a catchpoll) was dispatched to
apprehend me. He approached with
the following address: “Madam–Zir
–Izay, Madam–Zir—I have got von
warrant vor you.” I could scarce com-
prehend his meaning till he made it
perfectly comprehensible by a violent
slap on my shoulder and saying I “vos
hees brisoner.” I entreated him to in-
form me for what: “Dat you shall
zoon zee-zo, gome along wid me to
the justasses.” By long persuasion,
however, he shewed me his warrant—
This was however very little informa.
tion to me, for the scrawl was perfect.
ly illegible, and no human being but








76
the sagacious justices themselves could
have deciphered it. One thing only I
perfectly understood, that I must go
six miles with my lord the catchpoll
to appear before the high and mighty
lords, the three justices of Herkimer
county. Conscious that I owed obe-
dience to the laws of my country, whe-
ther pronounced like the braying of an
ass or in the soft notes of a nightingale,
Itamely submitted, and told Mr. Catch-
poll I was ready to attend him. We
accordingly proceeded together in a
waggon to the place of meeting for the
justices to examine me. Having ar-
rived, I found the justices gravely seat-
ed in a bar-room of an inn, and like so
many atlasses supporting the whole
universe of nature. I was announced
as the prisoner, and pen, ink and paper,
77
were called for to take my examination.
After one or two potent draughts of li.
quor somewhat resembling rum and
water, one of the justices desired me
to be seated. Having gravely opened
his lungs with three hems, he thus
commenced his examination—
Justice–And pray Sir, or Madam,
what may be your name 2
Answer–Can that be interesting to
either of you in any possible shape?
Justice—We must know or must
commit you—we must also know if
you are a man or a woman 2.
Answer—Pray, Sir, look at my dress
and judge for yourselves.
Justice—Where was you born 2.
Answer—I was born at my father's
house.
Justice—We want no impertinence
-answer explicitly.


78
Answer—I was born in the kingdom
ºf Scotland.
Justice—How long have you been
in this country 2 -
Answer—That I cannot answer from
my own knowledge—I was a child-
when I came.
Justice–And pray where was your
last place of residence?
Answer—About six miles from the
place where your honors directed me
to be taken into custody.
Justice–And pray what is your bu-
siness in this part of the world?
Answer—That is my own concern;
I keep my own secrets.
Justice—You shall know it is our
concern also-We wish your answer.
Answer—I came here for business
and pleasure.

79
Justice—Are you single or married?
Answer—I am married.
Justice—Where is your husband, or
if you are a man where is your wife?
Answer—My “husband or wife” is
in Canada.
Justice—How do you support your-
self 2
Answer—By good eating and drink-
Ing.
Jººstice—That is no answer—How
do you gain your livelihood?
Answer—By hard industry.
Justice—What occupation do you
follow 2
Answer–Travelling.
Justice–To answer what purpose?
Answer–Pleasure.
The justices perceiving that their
examination produced nothing confer.

86
red amongst themselves. One was
of opinion that I was a vagrant and
ought to be removed to Scotland
where I came from. Another (an
Irish justice,) declared “ Upon his
shoul he believed me to be a French
Rap...come here as a spy.” And the
third, (a wise Dutchman) said, “as for
my bart, I dink hur to be one rubber.”
Not agreeing among themselves they
adjourned to another room to consult.
There they remained two hours, and
from the noise they made I suspected
them to devote their attention more to
Bacchus’ libations than to the decision
of the important case before them.—
In the interim the constable attempted
to gain from me the facts the justices
wished. Here however he also failed,
and he declared with an oath that I

3I.
“vos a bad man and a teef.” The
justices having returned, they declared
that I must remain a prisoner till morn-
ing for farther examination. I com-
plained, but in vain, of this illegal de-
privation of my liberty. I was oblig-
ed to remain at the tavern till morning,
when two of the justices again assem-
bled, (the third having gone home.) I
was again examined, and the Irish
"squire undertook the task.
Justice—So, my honey, and can you
not tell the magistrates what occupation
you follow 2
Answer—I have told them all I in-
tend to say.
Justice–Och now, do you not know
we can compromit [commit] you to
prison for your obstropolousness?
Answer—You may, but you shalt.
know the consequences of it.

82
Justice—Och, my dear, and now be
so good and so obliging as to save us
the trouble of axing any more ques-
tions—Are you a French spy 2
Answer—If I am, I can only spy out
jackasses in this part of the country—
I humbly ask your pardon, I meant
justasses.
Justice—we want none of your im-
partinince, honey. -
Answer—I am equally desirous of
having none.
Here my second examination ended,
and another day I remained under ar-
rest. On the morning of the third day.
I was liberated from these blockheads
without farther enquiries from them.
But I was determined to have satisfac-
tion for the injury. I therefore em-
ployed a lawyer who had these great

83
justices arrested for false imprisonment
at my suit. The consequence was, the
justices made the most humble apol-
ogies to me for their conduct towards
me, and I dropped the prosecution.
While in this town I lost almost all
the money I had with me, it being tak-
en from my trunk in my absence.—
This placed me in a very disagreeable
dilemma, as my finances were indeed
rather slender before this accident.—
I shortly after suspected a man in the
neighborhood, and on suspicion only
caused him to be apprehended for the
theft. Having been put under keep.
ers, he sent for me, confessed the fact
and restored a small part of the money.
He was then set at liberty on my re-
Presentation, and immediately after dis.
appeared, -
84.
I now began seriously to reflect that
my wandering situation was equally
dreadful with that of being at home sur-
rounded with enraged creditors. I
therefore determined on returning to
my friends and “brave the storm” in
preference to becoming, like the “wan-
dering Jew,” a citizen of the whole
world. After several fruitless attempts
to leave Herkimer county, I set off in
a sleigh for the east homewards on the
seventh of February—but alas! my in-
tentions were again defeated. On the
second day of my journey I was arrest-
ed for debt, and my trunk with all my
money and effects therein, (excepting a
gold watch I had in my pocket with a
small sum of money) were taken from
me, and I was committed to Herkimer
county gaol. While in confinement








35
-
other writs were issued against me, and
my imprisonment promised to be per-
petual 1–Without a friend to assist,
and scarce a penny to save me from
starving....stripped of the little proper-
ty I had and cast into prison. Here I
cannot omit to notice the benevolence
of the sheriff whose humanity to me
deserves my eternal gratitude.-While
in prison deeply impressed with my for-
Iorn condition I penned the following
lines:
7"O LIB E R T Y.
YES charming goddess, though bereft of thee;
I know thy worth, and thy sad loss deplore;
Shall not these eyes again thy beauties see :
Must all thy graces be to me—no more ?
Without thee, goddess, what is all our toil?
What all our labors, golden stores and wealth;
Can they be equal to a single smile,
When thou shall bless us with thy sister Health?
8




86
To range the valley—breathe the vernal air,
Own no proud tyrant's haughty power and will.
Can Peru’s wealth with joys like these Comparea
If wealth with slavery be united still:
Poor let me be, yet Liberty be mine,
I shall not envy monarchs on their thrones–
But, ah in dungeons thus to sigh and pine,
Where tears succeed to tears and groans to
groans.
*Tis death—'tis worse—of Liberty bereft,
The world becomes a melancholy waste-
What of enjoymentor of life is left,
When doomed the cup of slavery to taste §
Ah shall these walls for ever hold my frame 3
Shall they alone bear witness of my grief ?
Is there no friend to sooth my boson’s pain -
No friend, alas, draws near to give relief.
Let me then die—a wretch forlorn and lost,
Nor let a stone point out the place I lay- -
Though once the pride of parent’s and their boaº
I shall be then fast changing into clay.


CHAPTER, VIII.
While in prison the authoress hears ºf
her husband's having married a lady
and served ºn Canada....…at/loress dis-
charged from prison.... Pursues her
husband to Canada.... Has an inter-
view with him.... Its result. -
“'Tis false—iny husband treacherous ! to—my life
on't he's true.”—Thus I dreamed last night, but I
found it to be......only a dream.
Dapº NE ºro Laon.
V Hrip thus indulging my mel-
ancholy reflections on a prison, I was
called to a subject which had for some
time escaped my immediate attention,
namely, my ungrateful husband. By
a letter I received through a very cir-
cuitous route, and which by mere ac-
cident ever came to my hands, I learnt

88:
that he had married a lady in one of the
southern states, and with her had gone
to Canada, where he settled. Though
I cannot conceal that this intelligence
discomposed me considerably, yet ſea-
sity reconciled it with his former base
and cruel conduct towards me. The
picture of his vices wanted but this one
shade to render it a master-piece of its
kind. Thus was I doubly distressed
by misfortunes, a lost husband—and
lost liberty –Griefs thus accumulated
would have borne down the fortitude
of the greatest heroine —how much
more must it have preyed upon spirits
like mine. The reader will in this
place pardon the introduction of a few
Hines I wrote on the accasion,

89
TO MY ºf U.S. º.º.º.
AND could you thus your plighted faith despise 2
Could you thus forfeit every vow you made :
Ah, why did you so cruelly disguise,
To say you loved when you but meant betrayed?
Was falsehood then congenial to thy soul
Was truth too odious to become thy friend ?
Was vice too stubborn to admit control :
or thy proud heart to virtue's rules to bend
Blush not ife'er a blush suffused thy face,
But answer thus, “’twas nature formed me
beast–
I claim not kindred to the human race,
Long since this tye, and only tye, has ceased.”
The severity of the last verse can on-
ly be justified by his base desertion
from me, and his subsequent as well as
prior detestable conduct.
Four months and two days had alrea-
dy silently rolled on and a prison was
still my doom. O liberty when shall
I again be blessed with thy smiles?–
“Soon,” whispered my guardian ge.

90
nius; but I deemed the expectation too
fallacious to be indulged. To urge on
what to me appeared the slow and lan-
guid wheels of time, I devoted my at-
tention to reading, and occasionally to
composition.—I shall add a few more
verses which I composed while in pri-
SQin.-
to Nº. 7'HE WORLD'S CRUELTY.
AH, where shall I wander, I cried,
The world has no pleasure for me—
In yonder deep cavern I’ll hide,
No mortal again shall I see.
H’ll dwell with the beasts of the field,
They’ll not be more cruel to me
ghan Man in whom baseness concealed-
–To the forest, oh! then let me flee.
The wolf is a friend to its kind,
His kindred he will not devour,
But man, who can boast of a mind,
Destroys all he has in his power.
His vows are more idle than straws.
His honor is scarce worth a song :
9I
To the weak 'tis alone he gives laws,
Which like cobwebs are broke by the strong.
His delight is in woe and distress,
He's pleased with all rapine and lust;
Though truth he alone will profess,
Yet place in his honor no trust.
For woe and misfortune betide
The wretch who believes the fond tale;
The victims he’ll stab who confide,
And his honor—he gives to the gale.
Ah! where shall I wander: I cried,
Shall peace no more visit my breast?
Must I down life’s current swift glide,
And still be a stranger to rest.
O.W. S. U. IC ID: E.
[Occasioned by reflections on my first lover's death.]
STAY, my fond Henry, stay the poisoned glass,
Life still has comfort to the wretch to give—
Oh! we may yet our lives in pleasure pass,
And for my sake, if for none other, live :
*Tis I entreat—ºtis mine the voice you hear,
That voice you once delighted to obey–
O let my cheeks not know the mournful tear,
Which must o'erspread them if my love's away.
Awful the scene eternity will show,
If rashly thus you dare the horrid deed:
Cannot those tears which for you only flow,
Restrain the hand which makes my bosom bleed.




92
While thus indulging myself in oe.
casional reading and composition, and
believing my liberation at a distance,
the hand of benevolence was extended
to my relief ere my most sanguine ex-
pectations could have realized it.—I
was discharged from prison by a friend,
who, with noble disinterestedness, ex-
tricated me from my difficulty. Heav-
en reward him for his humanity! His
name would do honor to these me-
moirs, but his delicacy permits it not
to be mentioned. With the aid of this
generous friend I was enabled to effect
the purpose I had contemplated, of go-
ing to Canada to see my husband. I
accordingly started in a sleigh, and
without any material occurrence arriv-
ed at Queenstown (only a few miles
from the residence of S-W –) on the

93
2d February, 1804. Having put up at
an excellent public house, I sent a mes-
sage to him, concealing my name and
the object of the message, directing the
messenger only to inform him that a
stranger in that part of the country
wanted much to see him, and that no
apology would be received. The feel-
ings of my mind at this time I shall
leave to my reader to conceive, for I
am inadequate to their expression.—
The interview with him, tho' much de-
sired by me, was still apprehended with
terror. S- W-at length arrived. I
desired my landlord to give me a room,
and not to admit any other person
than S—— W-, I retired into the room
previous to my husband’s arrival and
threw myself on a bed. My mind was
sorely distressed—a flood of tears came
94.
seasonably to my relief. Towards eve-
ning S-W – arrived, and being in
the bar-room, adjoining my room, I
soon recognized his voice in the enqui-
ries he made of the landlord whether
the person who had sent for him was at
his house. The landlord directed him.
to my room.–Since S– W- had left
me I had been considerably altered in
my appearance, so I readily concluded
my person would be unknown to him.
3–W– entered my room. 'Twas
fortunate I was seated, for I trembled
so much that I should certainly have
fallen on his entrance. He bowed as
he entered, and upon seeing me, en-
quired whether I was the lady who had
sent for him. I answered him in the
affirmative. I requested him to take a
seat, and being seated Itold him I wish-
-








95
ed a few moments conversation with
him. The conversation was nearly as
follows:–
Authoress—I sent for you, Sir, to
make a few enquiries relating to a sub-
ject of some consequence to you, and
infinitely more to me.
S. W.-I shall with pleasure, mad-
am, give you every satisfaction in my
power—be pleased to proceed.
Authoress-Were you at any time an
inhabitant of Boston previous to your
settlement here 2
S. ſº-1 was, madam, many years
since, -
Authoress–Were you at that time
acquainted with a family of the name
of W- ?
S. ſº-Yes, madam, they are dis-
tantly related to me.

96
Authoress–Did you know a lady of
the aame of K– W. 2
I examined his features with atten.
tion when I put this question to him.
I perceived he was agitated—his lips
quivered and his countenance changed.
With some hesitation he answered :
S. W.-I was—madam—ac
quainted with such a lady—But—it is
—many years—since—and I have—
but a faint recollection of the
perSOn.
Authoress—Traitor – Villain –
Base wretch –-Is your memory as
treacherous as your soul ?
S. W.--Madam–madam–may I
enquire why these harsh epithets?
Authoress—Dare you ask 2–Dare
you look at me and not be struck with
a conscious sense of your baseness?—
I am K– W.-I was once your wife.

57
Would to God my bridal day had been
the day of my death.
What further passionate declama-
tions I made in this paroxism of grief
and indignation I cannot recollect-
S– W rose and begged of me to
be less clamorous—he would explain.
Authoress–Explain –Wretch –
What can you explain but to convince
me of your hypocrisy and villainy 2
S. W.-I entreat you, madam, to
hear me—I shall conceal nothing. I
am married in this country, and in pre-
sent circumstances it will be impossi-
ble for me to do you ample justice: so
far as I can do it rest assured it shall
be done. But you must be conscious
to expose me in this country can an-
swer no other purpose than driving me
to a state of desperation.
98
Much conversation of a similar na-
ture ensued which I cannot detail in
the manner it took place. It resulted,
however, in his assurances that he
would make ample provision for my fu-
ture support, and as earnest of his good
intentions presented me with Seventy
Dollars and a silver watch. He agreed
also to settle an annual stipend upon
me, and promised to have the papers
arranged and executed in a few days.
As I most heartily detested the wretch,
I cared not for his person, and was well
content to see him no more provided
he performed his promises to me.
I waited in Canada several days to
see if S- W- would fulfil his en-
gagement. From some cause or other
S– W- never came again to see me,










99
upon which I left the business in the
hands of an attorney, and prepared to
return to the state of New York.
CHAPTER, IX.
Authoress returns to the state of New-
York.... Passes by Buffaloe-Creek to
Onondaga county....Humorous anec-
dote at the Buffaloe-Creek of the jea-
lousy of agentleman of the authoress'
intimacy with his wife....Is pursued
by the husband, who finding the reso-
lution and firmness of the authoress,
is content to abandon the pursuit.
say, should the fool’s-cap on his head be pla
or should his brows by antlers still be graced
He that so causeless female faith suspects,
Should not the blockhead find what he expects
A brace of horns say you ?
GARRick.
H Av ING made arrangements to
leave Canada, Ibade adieu to the do-
minions of his Britannic majesty, and



101
once more reached the land of liberty
and safety. I crossed at fort Erie in a
scow on the 9th of February, 1804, and
reached Buffaloe-Creek, where I put up
at the tavern of a Mr. H-. It would
seem that this Mr. He was not alto-
gether satisfied of the fidelity of my
landlady, his wife; and when she re-
turned from conducting me to my
chamber for the night, where she had
had some conversation with me, I over-
ard a warm altercation between them,
in which I could distinctly understand
that I was the subject of it; that he
was censuring his wife for remaining
so long in the chamber alone with a
man in woman's clothes!—Thus was
my form again become a subject of
suspicion. I however remained there
that night, and having taken my break.

102
fast next morning I left it. I could
perceive that his eyes were continually
fixed upon me during breakfast, though
I acted as if I did not notice him.—
Having travelled some miles I heard
the noise of horses’ feet behind my
sleigh, and turning round to see who it
was, perceived this jealous husband on
full gallop to overtake me. I directed
the servant to stop my horses, and the
fellow soon came up to me and ad-
dressed me in very abusive terms. I
told him since he judged me to be a
man I would act up to it, and present-
ed him my brace of pistols. On the
appearance of the pistols, and finding
me resolute, he turned his horse and
cowardly returned the way he came
Thus much for a jealous husband.
After this foolish adventure I contin-

103
ued my route to Onondaga, and put up
at a Captain Foster’s public house,
where I received excellent entertain-
ment.—Intending to stay a few days
here, I penned the following lines:
TO J.E.4 L O U S Y.
THOU green-eyed monster, ne’er at rest,
Foe to peace and pleasure ;
By hateful demons eter possest,
Pain’s thy greatest treasure.
Ever brooding fancied woe,
In imagination ;
Jealousy, thy phantom know
Is thy own creation.
Through a coloured glass you view
The actions of another;
Their errors of the darkest hue,
While your own you smother.
Your bosom’s like the hottest coal,
Which you set a burning :
So stupid is your gloomy soul,
Your peace you’re ne'er discerning.
In the grave alone you rest,
And there you're hardly easy;
104.
The demons that disturbed your breast
Will there be sure to seize thee.
Ah! hated monster, may my mind
In thy deceits ne'er riot;
All I ask—and be resigned,
Is give me peace and quiet.
ON Mºr MASCULINE APPEARANCE,
*Tis said a Pope to Cathºlic’s known,
Called in the calendar • Pope Joan,”
Was but a timid female :
With me the scene is quite reversed,
My form with which dame nature cursed,
Gives quite another tale.
Though petticoats, the clothes I wear,
The unrivalled empire of the fair,
(If Highlanders excepted)
Yet none believe (how sore’t does vex)
That truly it denotes my sex
No woman I’m accepted.
*Tis true I’m strong and masculine,
What then My size is justly mine,
If living well can make it :
The fat I boast I’ve justly gained,
yet if another it has claimed,
Why he is free—to take it.
I’m sure I’ll not refuse the gift,
Nay, gladly give the one a lift,
Who wished to take it from me:







105
But vain the attempt the maidens cry,
And men are even grown so shy,
That my fond husband flees me.
So I must drag the weary load,
Along life's craggy, up-hill road,
Nor cannot shake it off;
So even content faith. I’ll remain,
No jeers shall give my bosom pain,
Nor any fopling's scoff

CHAPTER, X.
Authoress meets with an insult, and chal-
lenges the offender to fight a duel....
Challenge accepted, and afterwards
the affair settled by apologies from
the party challenged.....Authoress ar.
rives in Albany.
* L. Bol-Did she fight, say you ?
* Servant–Aye, my Lord, and made his cowardly
sº soul shudder within him.—She possesses true
“genuine courage, and wants but a breeches to
* make her a man.”
Dial, setween L. Bol. AN p Serv.
D. my stay at Captain Fos-
ter’s one incident only took a serious
turn, and promised to terminate very
disagreeably. Aside from that my time
was very agreeably occupied. A gen-
tleman of the name of F- had circu-

107
lated a report highly injurious to my
reputation and implicating me in a de-
testable plan, no less than that of hav.
ing correspondence with the British
government in Canada, to invade this
country. I pretended for some days
not to notice it, as being unworthy of
belief; but finding it to gain upon the
public opinion, and causing many peo-
ple to shun my acquaintance, I was at
length compelled to notice it. I ac-
cordingly wrote a note to Mr. F- of
the following purport:
TO Mr. F_
SIR,
Independent of the claims a two-
man may have upon the liberality and
candor of the other sex, your conduct
in vilifying my reputation can admit of

108
no apology. I am unconcious of ever
having committed a single act to war-
rant the construction you have given to
my residence here, or the foul tales you
have so assiduously attempted to cir-
culate in relation to me. You must be
aware of the delicacy of my situation
in this part of the country. Without
a protector to avenge my wrongs and
justify my innocence, you have dared
to traduce my reputation and to wound
my feelings, trusting to the fallacious
hope that a woman’s weapons were but
her innocence and good conduct. But
sir, you shall find I am not totally des-
titute of others. Your vanity—your
courage (if you possess any) shall be
put to the test. I have feelings which
will not be insulted with impunity, and
a resolution to punish the daring assas-

109
sin of my reputation. It will be in vain
for you to decline the call I give you in
this note. You shall not resort to the
flimsy pretence of my being a woman
to excuse your acceptance of it. I am
content to wave the distinction with
which society has marked the walks in
life of the two sexes, and demand there-
fore that you meet me to-morrow
morning, at six o'clock, about a quar-
ter of a mile behind the house of Mr.
Foster, in a retired part of the wood,
to give me satisfaction. My life or
your's shall “pay the forfeit” of the
interview. Weapons shall be provid-
ed for the purpose-1 await your an-
swer by the bearer. -
I am, Sir,
Your obedient serv't,
K— W-
10
110
In about an hour I received the fol.
lowing answer. The diction, spelling,
&c. of which I have preserved in the
copy I now give the public–
TO Mrs. K– W_
MADAM,
I dont understand your latter to
me. I hav sid noting to hurt your
karractter that I nose off—but I sall
meet you at the time and place.You
mantion.
Your humbal sarvant,
G— F-
Next morning I took my pistols and
went to the appointed place half an hour
before the time agreed upon. Myan-
tagonist was punctual to the hour—
Having approached me he enquired
“what I wanted of him * I smiled







III
at his ignorance and pointed to my pis-
tols. He said he did not understand
me. I told him he must kill me or I
must kill him. “Well,” says he, tak-
ing off his coat, “will you have it
rough and tumble, or will you box
it?” Upon this he approached me—
I told him to stand off or I would blow
his brains out—he started as if he had
seen Hamlet’s ghost, and finding me
seriously determined upon the duel he
made concessions to me for his con-
duct. I demanded his certificate to be
in writing, to which he acceded. We
went to Mr. Foster's, where I drew the
following lines, which he subscribed
without hesitation:
“I acknowledge to have circulated
“a report implicating the reputation of
“ K– W-, and representing her as






112
“improperly connected with the Brit:
“ish government in Canada, I certi-
“fy that such report is a mere fabrica.
“tion, not having the least foundation
“in truth, but is wholly false and ma-
“licious—-that I am sorry for my con-
“duct, and make these public acknow-
“ ledgments of my fault.
* G - F-.”
This affair being arranged to my sat-
isfaction, I took my leave of Mr. Fos-
ter and family, and started for Albany,
where I arrived on the 11th day of
March; in the year 1804.
==
CHAPTER, XI.
Authoress' second journey into Canada,
and second interview with her hus-
band, and its success.... Prepares to
* leave Canada.
Justice at last o’ertook him, and with her thunder-
bolts made him tremble-A Nox.
N. having heard from my attor-
ney in Canada since I left it, I began
to be impatient. I thought the least
claim I had upon my husband was his
duty to support me; and here I may
remark, that too many females are lost
to society by the inattention and cruel-
ty of husbands, who, instead of benev.
olently aiding and giving them com.
fort, consign them to the bitter cup of
Poverty and distress. How many vi.









114
ces and crimes owe their birth to these
causes Man is perhaps worse from
necessity than from choice—one devi-
ation from virtue leads to another, till
at last all sense of rectitude is extin-
guished. -
On the 4th of May, 1804, I set off for
Canada, and without any material oc-
currence arrived at Queenstown, where
I had formerly been, and on my arri-
wal wrote to my attorney the following
note :
“The compliments of K– W-
are addressed to R– S-, requesting
him to have tire goodness to inform
K— W- the result of the business
committed to his charge last winter.—
She would be happy to receive his an-
swer by the bearer.” -

115
Answer of R– S-
* MADAM,
“Agreeably to your directions I
instituted process against your hus-
band shortly after your departure from
Canada, and can only inform you that
it is now in a state to admit of a cer.
tain decision at the next term in Au-
gust, which I have no doubt will be
favorable to your claims. I have bare-
ly to add, that your husband has signi.
fied to me a desire to have with you a
second personal interview whenever he
should understand that you had return-
ed to this province, and that thro’ me
he wished to know whether (and at
what place and time) such interview
would be agreeable to you.
“I am, madam, respectfully,
“Your very obd’t servit,
* R- S–
“Mrs. K– F/-º

116
Authoress' Reply to R- S-
“SIR,
“Notwithstanding the request of
S– W- (my false husband) ought in
justice to my feelings not to be assent-
ed to, yet with a view to aceelerate the
desired object of my journey hither, I
shall consent to his request. You may
therefore inform him that I shall be at
leisure to see him at the house of
(where I put up) to-morrow afternoon
at three o’clock.
“I am, Sir,
“Your humble serv't,
“ K– W-
* R– S-, Esq.”
I had made up my mind to demand
of S-W – my support only, and that
he should give security for its punctu-

117
aſ performance. Accordingly when he
called at the hour appointed, I cooly
informed him that if his object was to
allow me a separate maintenance 1
would consent to hear whatever he pro-
posed to state, otherwise I must de-
cline any further correspondence with
him. He assured me his object was
to make me a decent settlement, and
with that view only he had requested
an interview. We were not long en-
gaged in fixing the terms. He at once
offered me a conveyance of a large and
valuable tract of land in Canada which
(after consulting my attorney) I con-
sented to take. The deeds were drawn
and executed that very day, and S-
W– in addition to it supplied me with
a handsome sum of money and some
other articles. This business being

118
arranged to my satisfaction, I prepared
to leave Canada, and on the 2d June
commenced my departure.
--- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4 long and last Adieu to my Husband.
SO fate has ordered, and I must submit,
That you and I no longer shall be one—
Then let us all our former love forget,
And each the other henceforth strive to shun.
Where was my judgment, when you was my
choice
Where was my reason, when I was so blind
But thanks to Heaven I’ll once more rejoice,
The fetters broken—they no longer bind.
Hence Hymen, then, thy altar ne'er shall know.
Again a victim once deceived by thee :-
Here I proclaim aloud, “I am thy foe,”
And death shall only end our enmity.
Adieu, my husband once—no more the name
Thrills thro’ my soul with rapture or with joy:
Ah, the reverse—I’m fill'd with woe and shame,
And peace again I never can enjoy.

CHAPTER, XII.
Authoress' return to Albany....Her im-
prisonment there for debt....She falls
sick....The gaoler’s benevolence to-
wards her....Her discharge.
Alas! my lord, misfortunes commenced with her
very existence, and they followed her thro’ life.
L. Bol.
I ARR rved on the 9th July, 1804,
in the city of Albany, without any ma-
terial accident by the way, intending
immediately to start for Philadelphia,
where a brother of mine resided, and at
present an only brother. But many
things fall out “between the cup and
the lip.” So it proved with me—for
on the 10th July the “grace of God,”
under “seal,” was poured out upon

120
me. My soul was ever “free and in-
dependent,” and the littlenesses and
persecutions of relentless creditors
despised the more they accumulated
these persecutions. I was conveyed to
gaol, having no other security to give
but the deed of land I received in Can-
ada from my husband, and which would
not be accepted.—The idea of a gaol
had already become familiar to my
mind, and the face of a gaoler was no
longer like the face of Medusa, calcu-
lated to turn me into stone—It is true,
into a stone-jug I was turned for my
lodging, and it was undoubtedly a dis-
agreeable turn. But habit makes us
little dread the evils of this world.—
Thanks to heaven, my gaoler was a
man—had the feelings of a man—and
the “milk of human kindness” had

121.
not yet curdled in his bosom from the
duties of his office ; every indulgence
he could give, consistent with his
duty, he extended towards me. On
this occasion I penned the following
lines : -
TH E BE ºr vot ºn T. G.A. or E.R.
Rowe has erected trophies to her sires,
And raised triumphant arches to their fame:
Their memory thus preserved, no more expires
And thus they gain a brilliant deathless name.
Yet he, who glows with genial warmth, whose
breast
Extends relief to woe where e'er its found,
Whose mind with mild benevolence is blest,
In whom the softer virtues all abound :
He who surrounded still by misery's walls,
Whose eye beholds unceasing anguish roll,
Who ever bends an ear to misery's calls
Which reach the inmost chambers of his soul.
He whose kind hand shall ever give relief,
And dry away the wretched captive’s tear,
Whose kindness softens others moistened grief,
Whose friendship as his bosom is sincere

122
Dies' unremembered---scarce a stone proclaims
The gloomy mansion of departed worth,
While kings and generals who’ve their thousands
A. the wonder and applause of earth.
Within the liberties of an Albany
gaol I continued for several months,
and my discharge was at length pro-
cured by the liberality of others. An
indisposition followed immediately
before my discharge which confined
me to my bed for three months....
Heaven at length restored me to my
health but poverty was and still is my
lot.
The preceding narration of my life
may open a field of conjectures and
conclusions. The serious incidents
will, I trust, be just appreciated by
the cool and reflecting part of man-
123
kind; those of a novel and eccentric
kind may perhaps distort the risible
muscles of some, and I am aware it
will meet censure and satire from
many. Deficient in understanding, in-
deed, would be that person who ap-
pears in public thro a channel of this
kind to calculate on universal applause
and approbation. It is too much
practised both in speaking and writing
to exert all the powers of the mind to
insinuate ourselves to our readers by
the aid of flowery fancy. This I have
studied to avoid any farther than to
narrate the incidents of my life and the
feelings arising from them, in the
manner they occurred.
In my passage thro life thus far,
I claim that I have never been in the
habit (from a natural disposition and




124.
some share of education) of com.
plaining or indulging myself in mur-
muring until I met with those crosses
which I deem of the first magnitude;
nor have I ever descended to invec-
tives for the abuse and ingritude I
have experienced.
The world my deat Myra is full of deceit,
And friendship is a jewel we seldom do meet.
Friendship, as to its extent of ope-
ration and effects on society at large,
and to individuals, is better felt than
described ; the cautious maxim of an
eminent English author cannot be too
much cultivated.
* Have but few friends but let
tº them be sincere.”
Happy is the possessor of such a
maxim in itsfull enjoyment; but when
we look around us and bring to our
recollection how many, in their ar.
125
rangement thro life, have, from fatal
experience, built on false calculations,
we lament the depravity of the world
and shed tears for its treachery.
“Happy in Paradise she lay,
“By a single act ’twas soon snatch'd away :
“Some ignus fatuus that leads astray,
“And ruins many a woman every day:
* whether within the flow'ry grove you hide,
“Or in the drawing room obtain the bride
* Thou lewd pursuer of laseivious joy
* Whom no debauchery san ever cloy.
* Hang heavier with black, ye rivers stream with
blood,
* Reign vice triumphante'er all that’s good :
* Forked lightnings dart, ye murmuring thunders
roat",
* Seas burst your bounds and deluge every shore,
* Stars quit your orbs, and thou, all nursing sun,
* Reveiled, nor see thy daughter stain'd, undone.
-- If love is of a celestial kind
* What grief, what horrors, doth it leave behind,
* A drop of sweets mixed with a sea of soures,
* They hate for ever who have lov’d for hours.”
How happy then the situation of a
person who has only one sincere







126
friend. But how shall we paint th
reverse; no doubt there are too many
who feel the effects, verified by age
and experience, and perhaps it has
been my lot that I have in too many
instances been an object of the reverse
part of the picture of friendship and
gratitude.
Thus in taking a retrospective sur-
vey of my former situation in life.
when I view it in my crosses in a
connected state; when I trace back
my situation in a pecuniary and incon-
venient point of view ; when I seri-
ously reflect on the novel and eccen-
tric parts of my movements in life,
that part is treated in my mind with
more reflection (altho there is nothing
criminal in it) than some may sup-
pose who are acquainted with me.

127
And when I contrast my present
precarious situation with my former
part of life, it brings up forcibly to
my mind, a sentiment, “ It is pleasing
“to progress from a low, inconveni-
“ent situation, to a lofty and affluent
* one.”
But, to reverse the situation, nature
and disposition struggle hard ; which
feelings I have and do possess from
sad experience and my immediate
situation. -
But in my solitary situation I call
to my aid some of the sentiments con-
tained in Zimmerman, and from him
collect all the reasoning I am capable
of, and endeavor to adopt the maxim
* be ye reconciled to your fate,” and
I hope I may and will profit by it.
FINIS,