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(A SUGGESTION FOR AN ALTERATION.)
- - We, Gynberg's Duke, by Legislative vote,
Wishing to make appreciative note
Of all and sundry who advance the name
Of Gynberg, on the splendid page of fame—
By teaching “kindred people” tis no sin
To follow Gynberg's lead in swilling gin–
Do here proclaim to all, both near and far -
We now create the “Order of the Bar.”







| 2 ||
ARTICLE I.
This is to recompense all men of worth,
Whose noses have by drink now blossomed forth,
And thereby wafted to each coral strand
The goodly record of the Gynberg land.
ARTICLE II.
The Duke shall always see the drinks are there,
But may appoint a “Vice” to fill the chair.
ARTICLE III.
Of classes five this Order shall consist,
According to the regulation list;
3, 4, and 5 may leather medals wear,
1, 2 have collars and must bang their hair.
ARTICLE IV.
The number of the members must depend
On how much ready cash there is to spend;
And if it chance the rations short should fall,
The Duke may, if convenient, drink for all. - -
ARTICLE V.
A Council of Executive shall be
Each member, of the Duke, a nominee;
And each may sign the other fellow's name,
Or anybody else's—all the same.
ARTICLE VI.
Appointments may be made, as we devise,
By Counsel at the Bar or otherwise.
ARTICLE VII.
The Council known as “Grand” shall now consist
Of members in the Dukedom—on the list—
And in November we will set aside
A day to wallow in the ginny tide.

| 3 ||
ARTICLE VIII.
Extraordinary meetings may be held
When Ducal thirst refuses to be quelled;
But two weeks’ notice must be given of that,
For time to pass around the Ducal hat.
ARTICLE IX.
A member who, with “heel-taps" should be caught,
Before the Council shall be duly brought,
And if convicted by a two-third vote,
Pure water may be pumped into his throat.
ARTICLE X.
If any member notified to come,
Neglect the summons and remain at home,
He shall be punished for his willful whim,
By having all the drinks put down to him.
ARTICLE XI. - -
The “Keeper of the Corkscrew” we shall chose,
Amongst those members most renowned for ºbooze
But in his absence any ºforemast hand”
May wield the corkscrew at the Duke's command.
ARTCLE XII.
The full-dress of the Order all must wear,
With oil of cocoa first anoint the hair,
Then draw on “cuffs" and place the “collar” trim,
Fix the “gemmed gaiter” (not too much of him),
And if the weather should be raw and damp
Add one pair spurs and one used two-cent stamp.
ARTICLE XIII.
All members, who are called to “tend the Bar.”
May wear a white and green five-pointed star
| 4 ||
Of good shoe-leather—pendent from the same
A. nigger roasting in eternal flame.
What is yelept “Insignia” shall be
The same for each—whatever his degree;
For when all hands have drunk till all is blue,
What matter then a collar, spur or shoe.
ARTICLE XIV.
In matter of the proper dues and fees
We let all members give just what they please,
For money is a thing they have not got-
A very sorry, impecunious lot.
-
ARTICLE XV.
The Dignities and Honors of this Bar
Both sexes may attain; and, in so far
As different costume is both due and right,
The ladies wear rosettes of green and white.
Attest our Hand, the Ducal Seal affix–
Leave blank the month and date it '86.


| 5 ||
|
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- - º - - º -
ºlte Opittiſt Rucket.
I.
Little You Lie was quick as a trap,
Chosen man of a “hui” was he,
Sent to confer with the Gynberg Duke,
As to the Opium-License fee.
II.
Much pow-wow had that worthy pair,
Haggle and worry—now laugh, now frown,
Finally settled was that affair
For five and seventy thousand down.












| 6 |
III.
Rushed You Lie to his trusty pals,
Told them his tale with frantic joy;
Filled they their glasses with strong “samshu."
And drank—“Grand Duke he bully ole boy."
IV.
Ran that “hui” all round the town,
Gathering shekels of silver sheen,
Piled them into an old handcart—
Joyous sight for the Duke, I ween.
V.
Trundled it up to the Ducal home,
Duke's eyes bulged with a lurid light–
Come again to-morrow, quoth he,
Give you your license, my boy—all right.
VI.
You Lie's “hui” all met that night,
“Whooped her up” till the roosters crow;
Great their glee at the bad “go-by.”
They had given Bun Chung & Co.
VII.
Very same night the Bun Chung crowd
Met at their secret place of biz,
Very much troubled each heathen mind–
Very much lengthened each heathen phiz.
VIII.
Settled at last to send Bun Chung
Early next morning to see the Duke;
Told him he must that license get,
Some way or other, by hook or crook.
IX.
Went Bun Chung to palatial halls,
Peeped right into the Ducal hand;
Five and seventy thousand saw
And went five better—so cool and grand.

| 7 |
X.
Smoled the Duke all over his face,
Grinned like blazes from ear to ear,
Told Bun Chung the license was his
Bring the shekels and never fear.
XI.
Trots Bun Chung to his hopeful Co.,
Got them a handcart, new and strong,
Piled in the eighty thousand cash,
(Merry was he as he shoved along).
XII.
Grand Duke sitting with fat Kiyi,
Dusky couple convulsed with mirth–
Whispers Ki in the Ducal ear.
“Play this racket for all it's worth.”
- XIII.
Grand Duke says, “Oh, bully Bun Chung.
Leave these shekels with us, and mind
Call for the license to-morrow noon
It will be ready, all sealed and signed.”
XIV.
Bun Chung closed his sinister eye,
Thrust his tongue in his dexter cheek,
Said, “Me sabbe too muchee you,
Now takee licen all same you speak.”


| 8 ||
XV.
Grand Duke saw that the game was up,
Saw Bun Chung would rake in the “pot,"
Ordered the license to be prepared—
Bun Chung got it right on the spot.
XVI.
Bun Chung's crowd had a high old time–
Regular heathen jamboree;
Hadn't they euchred the smart You Lie–
Wouldn't his wrath be a sight to see?
XVII.
Reading a “daily,” little You Lie
Saw of the Bun Chung opium deal;
First he couldn't believe his eyes,
Then he commenced to kick and squeal.
XVIII.
Tore he up to the dusky Duke,
Cursed him roundly in good Chinee–
Made demand for his money back,
Speaking in language loud and free.
- XIX. - -
Grand Duke said he was indisposed,
Nosbig told him to mind his eye–
Bribery was such a grave offense
Better say nothing to fat Kiyi.
XX.
Then You Lie took a Chinese oath,
Said to his country he would appeal–
Publish the facts before the world,
Gynberg's Ducal Opium STE.A.L.
º
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A $tyttººgey tººk 33 lij; tıbcut flºe
J(16tcyictſ ºccessionſ.
I.
What! No one ever told you, then, of all the little tricks
They played here at the Jubilee—November 86–
My boy, we “whooped her up” right through two solid weeks
of rain,
I only wish that I could live that fortnight once again.
II.
The liquors flowed in rivers deep, from ginger-ale to gin,
And all the bummers sat right down to soak the liquid in.
We'd fights right on the Ducal lawn, the drunks lay thick
around,
And many were the solid men who slept upon the ground.








| 10 |
III.
The ancient Gynberg “hula" kept agoin' day and night,
The army—officers and men—kept gloriously tight.
The “Kilu-Kilu’ Club had meetings every day at four,
And bal's of turine were dearer than they ever were before.
IV.
What! that don't interest you—you say, nor yet what we im-
bibed 2
Historical Procession, then, is what you want described.
Well, honestly, I’m up a tree; I really can't pretend
To say where history came in, unless right at the end.
W.
For those who saw the whole of it were done uncommon brown
Some thought it was a circus that had just come into town:
The most it did was here and there to raise a feeble laugh,
And sorry victims in the show got endless fires of chaff.
VI.
There seemed to be a surging round of sundry fish and pigs,
By ladies rigged in mermaid's tails and flaxen-colored wigs;
While gentlemen, in pasteboard hats and cloaks of calico,
Kept singing some outlandish dirge in solemn tones and slow.
VII.
The “ kill, kiluº Club was there in costumes fresh and new,
And like the beasts from Noah's Ark they stepped out two
and two; -
The balls of turine they'd left at home but brought their fans
along,
And every now and then they whooped the chorus of a song.
| 11 ||
VIII.
I guess most everybody there felt pity at a sight
Which placed all those engaged in it in such a foolish light,
And tº was not till the last of all the items did appear
That every woman, man and child gave out a ringing cheer.
IX.
Behold! a dray piled wondrous high with boxes green and
Square,
And many free, unbiased votes were safely bottled there:
No wonder yells, and hoots, and calls, were added to the din,
At sight of such a lavish load of Ducal & Section Gin.”
X. -
And that's all I can tell you of that idiotic show–
The blam'dest thing you ever saw–Slong—I’ve got to go–
The Admiral waits for me down in Cooner's shady lane,
To drink with Savey and the
again.
“boys.”—Slong—See you

W
5ke Coſtitutºlytuſ.
I.
Why, what a “Conundrum,” haſ haſ he he
Five knots at full speed, ho! ho
Bah! it must be mere chaft, but, oh, don't make me laugh!
Just to think of it, tickles me so.
II.
A son of Jack, ha! haſ ho! ho
Will get the command, he he - -
And the Gynberger fleet will be “Bummers’ Retreat "
When the Grand Duke takes trips on the sea.
III.
Heep Savey and Nosbig, he he haſ haſ
De Horsey and Barker, ho! hoſ
Will serve out the gin as the Bummers drop in-
It don’t cost them a cent, don't you know.


| 13 ||
A crew for Reform, boys, ho! ho haſ haſ
To train for the Navy, he he
Then when war is declared, we are fully prepared
For all hostile manoeuvres at sea.
V. -
Oh! what a surprise, ho! ho haſ haſ
For the heathen Chinee, he he
When he asks a new deal on the opium steal,
To be threatened with our Nav-ee.
VI.
Put the Grand Duke on board, he he ho! no
His Bummers and Friends, ha! haſ
Make Poker the game, and moisten the same
With oceans of usquebaugh.
- VII.
Then should it so chance, he he haſ haſ
The “Conundrum” should sail, ho! ho
On her watery track, and never come back –
Just to think of it tickles me so.



| 14 |
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3ke )(111ttiſtſ, Cityt.
I.
The Grand Duke sent an order to be filled without delay,
To certain worthy people in the carriage-building way—
To build him in the latest style, light, elegant and smart,
What military sportingmen would call a “ Hunting Cart.”
II.
But first there was a meeting held to talk the matter o'er,
The Duke, by virtue of his rank, was first to get the floor;
His would-be friends and hangers-on sat round to take it in
The “equerries-in-waiting” were on hand to pass the gin.
III.
The great part of the gathering were not Gynberger men,
But “letters patent” from the Duke made each a citizen:
So, when His Grace's vocal pipes their brazen clarion rung,
He spoke a language which was not the Gynberg mother
tongue.





















| 15
IV.
He rolled out lengthy sentences, delightful to the ear,
But mixed them up so helplessly the meaning was not clear;
The big words had predominance—and it was plainly seen,
His Grace had not a notion of what half of them did mean.
V.
At last he ceased his jumblement and sank into his chair,
And everyone was really glad to see him settled there;
For though the servile cheering of his speeh was just immense,
The feeling at its ending was of gratitude intense.
VI.
Then jumped Heep Savey on the floor–a lengthy son of Mars,
Who told “the boys’ how carts were built for use in the
Hussars;
One little detail slipped him though in what he had to say,
And that was—when the cart was built where was the cash
to pay.
VII.
When he sat down, then other would-be sporting men
chipped in-
De Horsey C. and Barker, representing “cheek" and “chin;"
Then lesser lights must have a chance their paltry fads to bring,
Till Nosbig coughs, and hems and haws, and jumps into the
ring.
VIII.
Your Grace, and gents, I truly trust and hope with all my
heart,
His Grace may soon be driving in a bran new “Hunting Cart;"
Just let me ask one question, you'll excuse my being blunt,
But when he gets the “Hunting Cart” what is he going
to hunt,”
| 16 ||
IX.
It cannot be for “Honesty,” he's gone away for good;
It cannot be for “Truthfulness,” he isn't understood;
It cannot be for “Dignity,” we lost him long ago;
It cannot be for “Modesty,” she isn't in the show.
X.
We cannot hunt for anything that's honest firm and true,
Not one of us knows how to start and see the busines,
through;
I hazard this suggestion, though you brand me as a prig.
Let's stick to rooting out of bones and Gynberg's sacred pig.
XI.
The motion met no favor from the gin-imbibing crowd;
They moved the “previous question”—then rose the Duke's
voice loud,
Write down and send the order—light, elegant and smart–
What military sportingmen would call a “Hunting Cart.”
-

- - - 2
- -- si-->~~
Sixtu per (ſent.
–º- .
I.
Habraham Offnung, Charge d'Affaires,
Residence, 36 Redcliffe Square,
Chosen by Gynberger, Duke, I ween,
To represent him near England's Queen.
II.
Who and what is this Habraham () .
Little boy Bliffy, why, don't you know?
Kensington shoddy--ill-bred and stiff,
“Old Clo” racket, my little boy, Bliff



| 18
III.
Go to the Palace, my boy, some day
Gaze at the elegant art display;
Habraham bought those daubs in a heap
As “Private collection—got dirt cheap."
Iv.
Yes, four thousand was more than enough,
Scrapings of warden street vilest stuff
Most would consider the bargain hard
At five and seventy cents the yard.
- V.
Habraham Offnung has twice been here,
Seems to have captured the Ducal ear
Flattered the Grand Duke with all his might—
Oily tongue hath that Israelite.
VI.
Habey is lavish in spending gold,
Bribing the papers—so they unfold
All the moves of the “Wandering Jew.”—
Where he goes to and what's to do.
VII.
Growled we and grumbled at Herr von Boss,
Threw up our hats when he got the toss;
Freely his tongue wagged—he talked quite tall,
Trying to “Hector” us one and all.
VIII.
But have we changed for better to-day
Jews hold the money-box—What d'you say—
Little boy Bliffy, for choice of two,
Golden-Gate German or—London Jew
| 19 |
ºliji's ºdvice to flºe “33caſs"
tº ſtºl () flºoys.
To the G. D.—
My dear Grand Duke a word with you although you're most
“gone in"—
It's not considered princely to be often tight on gin;
To wanton waste and tinsel show you're Ducal tastes incline,
Recall to mind the prodigal who fed on husks with swine.
To Nosbig—
You rascal of the deepest dye—unmitigated fraud!
You panderer to silly waste, while “bums” and “beats” applaud;
Already you have lost your hold, fast waning is your star,
Go-clothed in nature's meanest garb–a human “pariah.”
To Borrow Barker, A. D. C. (equerry in waiting, etc.)—
My burly mayor, if you can accept a friend's advice,
Don't cultivate a snobbish taste for racing, cards or dice;
Live like a man, within your means, contract no further debts-
You'll find it pleasant to be free from bitter, vain regrets.




| 20 |
To de Horsey Cornbin, A. D. C., etc.—
Oh, harmless little equerry! Oh, pretty little swell.
It's not so hard to size you up, most anyone can tell;
Your mental caliber is small, your “cheek” is just immense,
Your admiration of yourself so laughably intense.
To Heep Savey, A. D. C., etc.—
Heep Savey, Swagger as you will, you've made your shameful
mark
As one who eats the salt of friends, then stabs them in the dark;
Give up your small detective “biz," however well it pays,
And make your “loot" of public funds in less unmanly ways.
To Foolscap—
You're perched now on a topmost branch of Gynberg's legal
tree:
We're glad to see you roosting there, and were you only free
From baneful Ducal influence, you might, in years to come,
Be competent to fill the bill and help the country some.
To Sitrug—
Is life worth living, S., my boy, in your exalted place?
D'you ever dare to utter “NO!’ You're scared I guess to face
The music—when the Duke gets mad you sadly want in “grit;"
Drop Savey as your guide and chum, and brace yourself a bit.
To Lot Moriarity, X. 45–
My worthy “dandy copper" of the Gynberg “Broadway squad,”
Take care that you yourself some day ain't languishing in
“quod;" -
You've done the “new-broom” biz a bit, but there must
clearly be
Temptations which you can't resist, Oh, “Mor-i-ar-i-ty!”

[21]
To Admiral Grisley, late, etc.—
Most worthy Lord High Admiral, of Gynberg's Ducal fleet,
To see you in your naval togs must be, indeed, a treat;
For you, one time in ship's routine, must have a simple charm
The moment when the sun has got “above the foreyard arm.’ |
To Hazel Dell, by many only known as “Son-in-law”—
In all your Daddy's dirty pies you've had your dirtier paw.
Whence came the cash you bank with Herr von Boss? It's
hard to tell;
But you and Dad will find that out when spending it in
º
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\ §


I.
A notion once went roaming through the Duke of Gynberg's
pate—
Methinks, quoth he, the times have been a little slow of late;
There, quite a chance for me to set the ball a rolling now,
And give our good Gynberger folks a No. 1 “luau.”
II.
Long sat he with Sir Sitrue to talk of ways and means,
And many were the feeble jokes they cracked behind the
SCelleS; -
But that which showed the weakest want of wit in that
- respect,
Was wording of the invite in the Gynberg dialect.
III. -
Most everyone was asked to come—they drew no sort of line,
For Dick asked Tom and Tom asked Hal to drink the
Ducal wine;
And Sitrue he was on the rush, and worked both long and hard,
To see that every sweep in town had got his proper card.

| 23 |
IV.
He courted popularity—he wished not to offend—
He hoped by asking everyone to make each one his friend
His chief adviser, Savey, cried: “I invite all hands I say,”
(He runs some hacks and likes a chance to make the busi-
ness pay).
V.
The invitations went forth with to every house and home,
By cartloads they were shoveled out, bidding each guest to
COme;
Then came the joke—not two in ten of those who got a card
Could puzzle out the meaning of a single Gynberg word.
VI.
Says Uncle Sam, “Now what in thunder does this business
mean?”
And John Bull growls, “Oh, D
seen ſº
it all, the like was never
Even the sad You Lie appeared, and standing at his door,
Said, “Me no likee allee same, no allee same beforeſ"
VII.
And Jean Crapaud swore, “Non d'un non quelle imbecilite,
Il parait que le Duc, comme fou, veut simmortaliser.
“Ach! Gott, soll mich behuteuſ” duoth the Teuton from the
Rhine;
“Was hat er vor,” “I dinks he trinks more strong as Scher-
man wine.”
VIII.
And some one heard a whisper of a very smart rebuke
Administered to Sitruc and through him unto the Duke:
And when another invite shall be issued for a feed,
You bet that some will get it in a language they can read
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