A 920,877 CENTERE DRAMATIC WORNG 2 228 C4 1872 cop. 2 ARTES 18T7 SCIENTIA VERITAS LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN E.PLURIBUS UNUM. TUEBOR SI QUÆRIS PENINSULAM-AMŒNAM. CIRCUMSPICE THE GIFT OF Prof. Aubrey Tealdi 1 } 822.8 C4 1872 Cop.a THE DRAMATIC WORKS OF THE CELEBRATED MRS. CENTLIVRE, WITH A New Account of her Life. COMPLETE IN THREE Volumes. VOL. II. LONDON: JOHN PEARSON, 15, YORK ST., COVENT GARDEN. 1872, THE WORKS OF THE CELEBRATED Mrs. CENT LIVR E. IN THREE VOLUME S. VOLUME THE SECOND. CONTAINING, LOVE'S CONTRIVANCE. BUSY BODY. MARPLO T. PLATONICK LADY. PERPLEX'D LOVER S. CRUEL GIFT. LONDON: Printed for J. KNAPTON, C. HITCH and L. HAWES, J. and R. TONSON, S. CROWDER and Co. W. BATHOE, T. LOWNDS, T. CASLON, and G. KEARSLY. M.DCC.LXI. LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: OR, Le Medecin malgre Lui. Α COME D Y. As it is Acted at the THEATRE ROYAL IN DRURY-LANE. A 2 THE كم لا الكم العام ا PREFACE. W Riting is a kind of Lottery in this fickle Age, and Dependence on the Stage as precarious as the Caft of a Die; the Chance may turn up, and a Man may write to pleaſe the Town, but 'tis uncertain, ſince we fee our beft Authors ſometimes fail. The Criticks cavil moſt about Decorums, and cry up Ariſtotle's Rules as the most effential part of the Play. I own they are in the right of it; yet I dare venture a Wager they'll never perfuade the Town to be of their Opinion, which reliſhes nothing fo well as Humour lightly toft up with Wit, and dreft with Mo- defty and Air. And I believe Mr. Rich will own, he got more by the Trip to the Jubilee, with all its Irregula- rities, than by the moſt uniform Piece the Stage cou'd boaſt of e'er fince. I do not fay this by way of condemning the Unity of Time, Place, and Action; quite contrary, for I think them the greatest Beauties of a Dramatick Poem; but fince the other way of writing pleaſes full as well, and gives the Poet a larger Scope of Fancy, and with less Trou- ble, Care, and Pains, ferves his and the Player's End, why should a Man torture, and wrack his Brain for what will be no Advantage to him. This I dare engage, that the Town will ne'er be entertained with Plays according to the Method of the Ancients, till they exclude this Innovation of Wit and Humour, which yet I fee no likelihood of doing. The following Poem I think has nothing can diſoblige the niceft Ear; and tho' I did not obſerve the Rules of Drama, I took peculiar Care to dress my Thoughts in fuch a modeft Stile, that it might not give Offence to any. Some Scenes I confefs 9-51834 The PREFACE. I confess are partly taken from Moliere, and I dare be bold to ſay it has not fuffered in the Translation: I thought'em pretty in the French, and cou'd not help believing they might divert in an English Drefs. The French have that light Airinefs in their Temper, that the leaſt Glimpſe of Wit fets them a laughing, when 'twou'd not make us fo much as fmile; fo that when I found the ftile too poor, I endeavoured to give it a Turn; for whoever borrows from them, muſt take care to touch the Colours with an Engliſh Pencil, and form the Piece according to our Man- ners. When first I took thoſe Scenes of Moliere's, I de- ſigned but three Acts; for that Reaſon I choſe ſuch as fuit- ed beft with Farce, which indeed are all of that fort you'll find in it; for what I added to 'em, I believe my Reader will allow to be of a different Stile, at least fome very good Judges thought fo, and in spite of me divided it into five Acts, believing it might paſs amongst the Come- dies of thefe Times. And indeed I have no Reafon to com- plain, for I confefs it met a Reception beyond my Expec- tation. I must own myself infinitely obliged to the Players, and in a great Meaſure the Success was owing to them, efpecially Mr.Wilks, who extended his Faculties to fuch a Pitch, that one may almost say he out-play'd himself; and the Town must confess they never faw three different Characters by one Man acted fo well before, and I think myself extremely indebted to him, likewiſe to Mr. Johnſon. who in his way I think the best Comedian of the Age. PRO- A 3 PROLOGUE. poets like Muſhrooms rife and fall of late, Or as th' uncertain Favourites of State, Inventions rack'd to please both Eye and Ear, But no Scene takes without the moving Player: Daily we fee Plays, Pamphlets, Libels, Rhimes, Become the Falling-Sicknefs of the Times; So feverish is the Humour of the Town, It furfeits of a Play ere three Days run. At Locket's, Brown's, and at Pontack's enquire, What modifh Kick-fhaws the nice Beaus defire, What fam'd Ragouts, what new-invented Sallad Has beft Pretenfions to regale the Palate. If we prefent you with a Medley here, A hodge-podge Dish ferv'd up in China Ware, We hope 'twill pleafe, 'cause like your Bills of Fare. To pleafe you all we shou'd attempt in vain, In diff'rent Perfons diff'rent Humours reign. The Soldier's for the rattl'ng Scenes of War, The peaceful Beau hates fhedding Blood fo near. Courtiers in Com'dy place their chief Delight, 'Caufe Love's the proper Buf'ness of the Night. The Clown for Paftoral his half Crown bestows, But t'other Houfe by fad Experience knows, This polifh'd Town produces few of those. The Merchant is for Traffick ev'ry where, And values not the best, but cheapest Ware: Since various Humours are pleas'd various ways, A Critick's but a Fool to judge of Plays. Fool did I fay? 'Tis difficult to know Who 'tis that's fo indeed, or is not fo: If that be then a Point fo hard to gain, Wit's fure a most profound unfathom'd Main. He that fits Fudge, the Trident ought to fway, To know who's greatest Fool or Wit to-day, The Audience, or the Author of the Play. EPI- EPILOGUE. WHE HAT, if to end this Fortune-telling Play, I tell you all your Fortunes here to-day; And, faith, to judge by here and there a Face, Fortune has Fav'rites fcattered in this Place: The Beaus, whofe Garb of late fuch Luftre darts, To draw fair Ladies Eyes, and break poor Tradefmen's Their Fortune is what still attends the Great, [Hearts, Still borrowing, ſtill dunn'd, and ſtill in Debt. Pit-maks this Seafon are grown mighty bare. They fcarce got Pattens to ply round May-Fair. But when the Term, and Winter comes again, Bawds, Brims, and Lawyers flourish bravely then. Vintners and Taylors thro' fuch knavish Lives, With honeft Cits, and virtuous City Wives; I fear (tho' wiſhing it might be uncivil) Like Pawn-Brokers, they'll all go to the Devil : The City 'Prentices, those upſtart Beaus, In fhort Spruce Puffs, and Vigo-Colour Cloaths, Who with a Brace of Trulls ftole here to-day, And muster'd up a Crown to fee this Play; Lewdness and Gaming will run them aground, And Mafters Caſh fall ſhort a hundred Pound. Our upper Friends, whofe Height Reſpect denotes, Since Liv'ries too are not unlike lac'd Coats, By coming will fuch Criticks grow at laſt, Nothing but Standard-Wit will please their Tafte, Till learning here how well the Town's harangu'd, They'll make ingenious Speeches when they're hang'd. Our Fidlers will be fcraping as before, Spend ev'ry Groat they get upon a Whore, Lead merry Lives, damn'd ſhabby and damn'd poor : But where at last they'll go tis hard to tell, For really they're too impudent for Hell. The Ladies by their melting Looks, I fee, Will die for Love, perhaps for Love of me; My Pity flows apace to fave their Life, I cou'd be kind, but must not wrong my Wife. But laftly for the Fortune of this Play, Humour's a Hazard, yet this much I'll fay, The Author purely for your Mirth deſign'd it. And whether good or bad, 'tis- -As you find it. A 4 } Dramatis. Dramatis Perfonæ. MEN. Selfwill, Father to Lucinda, Sir Toby Doubtful, an old City Knight in Love with Lu- cinda, Bellmie, a Gentleman in Love with Lucinda, Octavio, his Friend, newly ar- rived from Travelling, Martin, formerly a Servant to Bellmie; but being poor is turn'd Faggot-maker, WOMEN. Lucinda, Daughter to Selfwill, in Love with Bellmie, Belliza, her Couſin, Martin's Wife, Servants. Mr. Bullock. Mr. Johnſon. Mr. Wilks. Mr. Mills. } Mr. Norris. } Mrs. Rogers. Mrs. Oldfield. Mrs. Norris. SCENE, LONDON. I LOVE'S CONTRIVANCE: Self. OR, Le Medecin malgre Lui. ACT I. SCENE LA Enter Selfwill and Lucinda. I. HY! what Objection can you make, I ſay? Luc. Objection, Sir! WH Self. Ay, what Objection? Luc. What Objection may one not make, Sir? He's old. Self. He'll die the fooner, and leave you a rich Widow; then you may marry whom you pleaſe. Luc. I can't love him. Self. Oh- that's not effential to a Wife; you can bear the Sight of him, I ſuppoſe. Luc. So I can of a Death's-Head, but I fhou'd not care to have it bed with me. In fhort, Sir, if you won't con- ſider my Body, have fome Pity for my Soul, for I am cer- tain I fhall- Self. Cuckold him, halet him look to that? who- ever marries is a Merchant Adventurer, and Hope is his beſt Friend; 'tis all but Chance, and I fuppofe Sir Toby han't traffick'd theſe thirty Years, but he has met with ſomė leaky Veffels in his Life-time; therefore, Daughter of mine, this is no Excuſe. Luc. Oh Heav'n what ſhall I do! [Afide.] No Excufe, Sir! I hope you won't be fo barbarous as to force my In- clinations: I have ever been a dutiful Child to you, never thought of Marriage till you yourſelf perſuaded me. A 5 You 10 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, ご ​You bad me encourage Bellmie's Suit, as a Man you de- fign'd for my Hufband: In Obedience to you I ftrove to love him, and by Degrees he gain'd my Heart, which now is unalterably his; I ne'er can love but him. Self. You can't with all my Heart, love him on, I don't bid you hate him, nor love Sir Toby: You ſay Duty to me gave the first Impreffion of your Love to Bellmie, then let your Duty give the fecond, at my Com- mand, to Sir Toby; for d'ye fee, I am refolv'd you fhall ne'er fee Bellmie, till you are his Wife, and fo confider on't; d'ye hear, to-morrow's the Day. [Exit. Luc. What fhall I do? Enter Belliza. Bell. What! in Tears, Lucinda? What's the matter? Is my Uncle obftinate? Luc. As obftinately bent to my undoing, as the Romiſh Church to Herefy; and much, I fear, 'tis not in my Power to ſtem the Tide of his Refolutions, for he has no Con- fideration but Riches. Bell. Well, were it my Cafe I know what I wou'd do. Luc. There is no room left to do any thing; we are pent up to fo narrow a point of time, that I can turn no way for help. Bell. And fo you lie down and take what comes; a very pretty Reſolution in Extremity truly! Luc. What wou'd you have me to do? My Father's im- moveable, all my Tears and Entreaties are thrown away upon him, he's fix'd in his Deſign: Beſides, I have not heard a Word from Bellmie theſe two Days, nor know I the Reaſon on't. Bell. Theſe two Days! there's a Lover indeed, he de- ferves to loſe his Miſtreſs; does he confider what in- conftant Things we Women are? Had he been my Ser- vant, o'my Confcience, I fhou'd have forgot him the firſt Day, and got a new one the ſecond. Luc. Indeed I fhou'd be angry with him myſelf, did I think him guilty of Indifference; but I'm perfuaded 'tis not his Fault: Which way to give him Notice of my Father's Proceedings, I know not; for I have been ſo ſtrictly watch'd theſe two Days, that I cannot fo much as come at Pen, Ink, or Paper. Bell. Le Medecin malgre Lui. ΙΙ 1 Bell. Well, Girl, to fhew you that I am a Well-wisher to your Deſigns, I'll undertake the Embaſſy myſelf, if you'll give me your Inſtructions. Luc. You fhew yourſelf a Friend in every thing; come into the next Room and I'll give you 'em immediately. [Exeunt. SCENE, the Street. Enter Sir Toby Doubtful and Servants. Sir Toby. Do you hear, if any body brings me any Money, fend for me to Mr. Selfwill's Houfe immediately; but if any wants Money, tell 'em I am not at home, nor fhan't be all Day. [Exit Servants. Enter Octavio. Oct. A very prudent Order, faith, your Servant. Sir Toby, Sir Toby. Mr. Octavio, I am heartily glad to ſee you; pray how long have you been in England? Oct. Theſe fix Months, but not one in Town; the laſt Bills you tranſmitted me to Cales brought me over. I was feveral times upon Change, but cou'd not have the good Fortune to meet with you: Come, ſhall we take a Bottle together. Sir Toby. Another time, Sir, I fhall be glad to crack a Bottle with you, but at preſent I have a little preffing Buſineſs; and yet I cou'd wiſh to ſtay now, for I have a little preffing Buſineſs upon my Hands, wherein I fhou'd be glad of a Friend's Advice- Now I know you are a Man of Senfe, and your Father was my particular Friend, and I have a very great Refpect for you as his Son, and wou'd rather take your Advice than any Man's I know again; therefore we'll ftep into this Houſe, and I'll tell you what 'tis. Oct. Oh! Sir Toby, you do me too much Honour; I'll promiſe to give you the beſt Advice I'm capable of. Allons; fo ho the Houſe here! Enter Drawer. Draw. You are welcome, Gentlemen; will you be pleas'd to walk into a Room? [Exeunt, and enter again in a Room with a Table and Wine. Sir Toby. 12 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Sir Toby. Well, Mr. Octavio, before I tell you what it is, I conjure you not to flatter me, but deal freely, and give your juſt Thoughts of the Matter. Oct. You may be certain I will. Sir Toby. I think there can be nothing worſe in a Friend, than not to ſpeak his Mind freely. Oct. You are in the right. Sir Toby. In this Age one finds but few Friends fincere. Oct. That's true. Sir Toby. Promiſe me then. Oct. I promiſe you. Sir Toby. Swear by your Faith you will. Oct. Upon the Faith of a Friend I will; therefore pray tell me your Buſineſs- What the Devil can all this mean? [Afide. Sir Tob. Why then 'tis this; fhall I do well to marry ? Oct. By the Injunction, I thought it was either Hang- ing or Marrying. [Afide.] Who you! Sir Toby? Sir Toby. Yes, myfelf in proper Perfon; what is your Advice upon that? Oct. I pray before I give you my Opinion, tell me one thing. Sir Toby. What's that? Oct. What Age are you? Sir Toby. What Age? Oct. Ay. Sir Toby. Faith I don't know; but I'm very well. Oct. Can you gueſs near what Age? Sir Toby. No, I never think of that. Oct. Hark ye, Sir, how old were you when my Father was firſt acquainted with you? Sir Toby. Ha-how old?-why about twenty. Oct. Very good; and how long were you together at Rome? Sir Toby. Eight Years. Oct. How long did you live in France? Sir Toby. Seven Years. Oct. You were fome time in Holland too. Sir Toby. Five Years and a half. Oct. And when did you come over again? Sir Toby. I came over in eighty. Oft. So, from eighty to ſeven hundred and one is 21 Years, Le Medecin malgre Lui. 13 Years, I think; and five Years in Holland, and feven Years in France, that is thirty-three, and eight Years at Rome, that is forty-one, and twenty Years you own at your firft Acquaintance with my Father, which is juſt three- ſcore and one, by your own Confeffion, and it may be a Year or two older. Sir Toby. Who I, Mr. Octavio? No, no, it can't be, you have reckon'd wrong. Oct. Nay, I have calculated juft I'll affure you; where- upon I ſhall ſpeak freely like a Friend; and as you made me ſwear to do Marriage won't do your Work, that's a thing we young Men ought to think ſeriouſly on before we do it, but Men of your Age ſhould never think on't at all: If one would give the greateſt Ill a Name 'tis Marriage, I know nothing worſe, eſpecially to an old Man; therefore if you'll take my Advice, don't think on't: I fhou'd think that Man ridiculous that wou'd keep open Houſe for all Strollers, and yet is uncapable of ſharing the Diverfion himſelf. No, no, my Friend, grey Hairs and a bridal Bed are ridiculous Companions. Sir Toby. Look ye, Sir, I ask'd your Advice as a Friend, and not to be affronted. Oct. And I gave it you as a Friend, Sir; I'm ſure I de- fign'd no Affront, Sir Toby. Sir Toby. Sir, I fay my Hair is not grey with Age; for I was as grey as I am now at twenty, and fo was my Father before me. Oft. Nay, Sir Toby, that may be, I proteft I did not think any harm when I fpoke; you bid me ſpeak my Mind freely, you know. Sir Toby. I did fo, but did not think you had been of this Opinion; for I can affure you I ſhall marry, and the very Woman I deſign, and I warrant ſhe'll like me ne'er the worſe for my grey Hairs, as you call 'em. Oct. Perhaps the Lady may ſuit your Years, Sir Toby; if fo, you'll do well to marry. Sir Toby. My Years What do you mean, Mr. Octavio? I think any Lady fuits my Years- The Lady I deſign to marry is about twenty, and I love her. Oct. You love her! Sir Toby. And I have her Father's Confent. Oct. You have her Father's Confent? Sir Toby. 14 LOVE'S CONTRIVANCE: Or, Sir Toby. Yes; and the Match is concluded on, and is to be to-morrow. O. Nay then marry a' God's name; I ſhan't ſpeak one Word more. Sir Toby. Why, wou'd you have me fancy myſelf old, Sir, fo long as I have the Vigour of a Man of thirty: Don't I walk upright? [Walks.] Nay, can dance a Minuet with e'er a young Fellow of you all, la, la, lal, lara, lera, la. [Skips and dances.] My Legs don't fail me, thank God: I have no need of a Coach nor a Chair to carry me to my Miſtreſs- -And look you here, I have as good a Set of Teeth as e'er a Beau in Chriſtendom. [Shews his Teeth.] I have a very good Appetite too, I can digeft four Meals a Day, and am as found as a Roach, Boy. Hem, hem, hem. [Coughs.] Ha! what fay you to thefe Symptoms, Friend? Mayn't I venture to marry, think ye? Oct. By all means, I was miſtaken. Sir Toby. Sometimes I am of another Mind; but when I think what a Pleaſure it will be to poffefs a young beautiful Creature that will carefs, and ftroak, and fondle me when I am weary and out of Humour. Oct. That will cuckold you when ſhe is in Humour. [Afide. Sir Toby. Beſides when I die the name of the Doubt- fulls is extinct in the Male Line; therefore I'm refolv'd to beget a Boy, that ſhall beget another Boy, and fo bear up my Name to Pofterity. Ah! what Pleaſure it will be to ſee the litte Creatures playing about one's Knees, and to hear one tell me the Boy has my Noſe, another my Eyes, the third my Mouth, and Smile; ha, ha. Oct. While the Mother fmiles, to think you had the leaft hand in the getting it. [Afide. Sir Toby. And then when I come from Change, to have 'em run and meet me, and call Papa; 'tis furely the moſt agreeable Pleaſure in the World, and I hope to get half a dozen of 'em ere I die yet, Boy. Oct. Father half a dozen, you mean, old Gentleman. Sir Toby. What ſay'ft thou then, ha- [Afide. -Boy? Oct. Oh! Sir, I wou'd counſel you to marry with all the hafte you can. Sir Toby. Good- -you counſel me. Oct. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 15 Oct. You can't do better. Sir Toby. I'm overjoy'd to think that your Opinion jumps with mine. I ever took you to be a Man of Senſe and you give this Counſel out of pure Friendſhip? Oct. I do upon my Word; for when a Man refuſes to follow my Counſel I think the beſt thing I can do, is to adviſe him to follow his own. But pray, Sir Toby, who is this Lady? Sir Toby. Lucinda. Oct. What, the great Beauty? Sir Toby. Yes, Sir. Oc. Daughter to Mr. Self-will. Sir Toby. The ſame. Oct. What do I hear? Sir Toby. What do you ſay? Oct. A very Noble Match. Sir Toby. Had I not Reaſon in my Choice? Oct. Oh! without doubt- you have her, old Gentleman. [Afide. But I'm miſtaken if [Afide. Sir Toby. Well, I invite you to the throwing of the Stocking, Mr. Octavio. Ha-you'll wish yourſelf in my Place, Boy. Oct. I have a Friend will put you out of your Place, perchance, if I come time enough to give him notice on't. [Afide.] I'll not fail; Sir, your humble Servant. Sir Toby. Sir, your very humble Servant. [Exit Sir Toby. Oct. He to marry Lucinda to-morrow, and by her Fa- ther's Conſent! Ah! poor Bellmie! But I muſt inſtantly go ſeek him, and let him know his Affairs are in an ill poſture at preſent. [Exit. The SCENE changes to the Street. I,! Enter Martin and his Wife. Mar. I fay I won't work to-day; and if I ſay I won't I won't; and fo you had as good hold your Tongue. Wife. 'Tis very fine indeed, a Woman muſt not ſpeak. Mart. I fay 'tis my Buſineſs to ſpeak, and act too; pray who am I? am not I your Lord and Maſter? Wife. And who am I, if you go to that? am not I the Wife of your Bofom? What did I marry you for? to bear with all your mad Freaks? No, no, I'd have you to know, I ſhall make you turn over a new Leaf. Mart. 16 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Mart. Oh! the Plague of an ill Wife, as Ariſtotle has well obſerv'd, when he ſays, a bad Woman is worſe than the Devil. Wife. Pray obferve this learned Man, with his muſty Airs, that Man of Parts. a- Mart. Yes, Huffy, I am a Man of Parts; ſhew me e'er -in Town knows what I do ; tho' I am forced to follow fuch a mechanick Employment, I was brought up better. I lived fix Years with Mr. Bellmie, the moſt in- genious Gentleman about Town, in the Quality of a Valet de Chambre: I read all his Books, and tho' I ſay it, had a very good ſmattering of Philoſophy, which Science my Maſter was an Admirer of; and I ſay again, Aristotle con- demn'd you Wife. The Man's mad. Mart. The Woman's mad, I think, or fhe'd never croſs fuch a Hufband. [Cries. Wife. Curs'd be the Hour I made you fo, and double curs'd the Minute I faid yes. Mart. Curs'd be the that made me ſign my Ruin. Wife. Your Ruin! you have ruin'd me indeed, and al- moſt brought me upon the Pariſh; you have eat up all I brought, tho' 'twas more than you cou'd have expected with a Wife. Mart. That's a Lie, for I have drank the greateſt part of it. Wife. You have e'en ftript me of the bed I lay upon. Mart. You'll rife the earlier. Wife. Nay, you han't left ſo much as one Moveable in the whole Houſe. Mart. That's another Lie, for I have left your Tongue; and as for Goods, the fewer we have, the eaſier we ſhall remove. Wife. And from Morning to Night do nothing but drink and play. Mart. That's becauſe I wou'd not wear myſelf out too foon with Labour; for Labour overcomes every thing, you know. Wife. And what do you think I fhall do in the mean time with the Family? Mar. E'en what you pleaſe. Wife. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 17 Wife. And you Sot, muſt things always go thus ? Mart. Softly, good Wife, foftly, if you pleaſe, good Words, I beseech you. Wife. Muſt I eternally be plagued with your Debau- chery and Lazineſs? Mart. You know, Wife, I am ſometimes cholerick, and given to Paſſion, and have a pair of very good Fifts. Wife. I fcorn your Threats. Mart. My good Wife, your Hide itches for a Dreſſing. Wife. I'd have you to know I don't fear that. [Striping her Fingers. Mart. Thou dear half of me, thou haſt a mind to have fomething at my Hands. Wife. Do you think to fright me with your Words? Mart. Sweet Object of my Eyes, I fhall warm your Cheeks. Wife. You Sot, who are you? Mart. I fhall beat you. Wife. Drunkard. Mart. Don't provoke me. Wife. Infamous Fellow. Mart. I fhall curry your Jacket. Wife. You curry my Jacket! Traytor, Cheat, Coward, Rafcal, Thief, Knave, Varlet, Informer! Mart. Nay then- Wife. Ah! Murder, Murder, ah ! [Beats her. Enter Octavio with his Sword, and flaps Martin o'er the Shoulders. Oct. How now! what Infolence is this? Are you not afham'd to beat a Woman? ha! to you? Wife. May be I have a mind to be beaten, what's that [Coming up to him. Oct. Nay, if you have a mind to it, with all my Heart. [Putting up his Sword. Wife. Pray why do you trouble yourſelf? Oct. Good Woman, be patient, I have done. Wife. Is it your Buſineſs? ! Oct. No, truly. Wife. Go, you are an impertinent Fellow. Oct. I fhall not ſpeak one Word more, but heartily wiſh he had drub'd her ten times as much. * VOL. II. [Afide. Wife. I; 18 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Wife. Suppofe I am pleaſed he ſhou'd beat me, I ſay, what's that to you? Oct. [Nods only.] Wife. You are a Fool to trouble yourſelf with other Folks Bufinefs. Oct. [Nods again, then turns to Martin.] Friend, I am forry I diſturb'd your Diverſion, but hope you know how to begin again. Mart. May be I do, may be I do not, what's that to you, whether I do or no? Oct. That's true, as you fay, neither do I care. Mart. If I have a mind to beat her, I will beat her, and if I have not a mind, I won't. Oct. With all my Heart. Mart. She's my Wife, not yours. Oct. Thank Heaven. Mart. You have nothing to do with me, nor do I want your help. Oct. Nor fhall I trouble myſelf to give it you. Ha! Enter Bellmie. Bellmie, luckily met, I was just going to your Lodg- ings; but hearing the Cry of Murder here, put a ſtop to · my Hafte. Mart. Nobody defired your ſtay, Sir; you might have march'd as ſoon as you came for that Matter. Bellm. Prithee what's the matter with the Fellow? Oct. Why when I came I found 'em fighting, the Wo- man cry'd out Murder; but I no fooner took her part, but they both fell upon me Pellmell, and have rung fuch a Peal in my Ears, I ſhan't have the right Uſe of them this Month. Bellm. Sure I fhou'd know that Face- Friend, is not your name Martin? Mart. Mafter Bellmie! -D'ye hear, Bellm. Where have you led your Life, Sirrah? Mart. Why truly, Mafter, I can't tell. Wife. But I know who cane'en from one Ale- houſe to another, Sir. Mart. Your Tongue won't lie ftill. [Afide to her. Bellm. I told you what your Drunkenneſs would bring you + Le Medecin malgre Lui. 19 you to, but you ne'er believ'd me; here, there's a Guinea for you, be Friends with your Wife, d'ye hear? Mart. Ah! Sir, we never bear Malice, as you ſhall ſee, -Wife, come and kiſs me, Wife. Sir; Wife. I kifs you! I'll ſee you hang'd firft; d'ye think I'll be us'd at this rate? . Mart. Look'e Wife, I love you the better for beating you, faith, 'tis all out of pure Love, 'tis indeed, Wife ; and fuch little Quarrels as thefe do but cement the Paffion of Love: Faith, Wife, if I did not beat thee, I ſhou'd cuckold thee. Wife. Say you fo-nay, if I thought that-[Afide.] You ſhou'd beat me as oft as you pleaſe. [Runs to him and kiffes him. Mart. Faith and troth 'tis true. Bellm. Why now 'tis as it ſhou'd be. D'ye hear, Sirrah, come to my Lodgings at the Golden Ball at the end of the Street, perhaps I may have Occaſion to uſe you, you uſed to be a lucky Rogue upon a Pinch. Mart. Ay, Maſter, and I have not forgot it yet. Bellm. [To Octavio.] I'm now at Leiſure to hear your Story, but I think my Lodging the moſt proper Place. [Exeunt. it. Wife. Hark'e, Huſband, where are you a going? Mart. To the Ale-houſe to drink my Maſter's Health. Wife. And ſpend all the Money, ha ! Mart. Why what if I do? ha! it was given to me. Wife. Given to you! I'm fure my Bones have paid for Mart. But it was my Friend gave the Money tho'. Wife. But if had not cry'd out, your Friend might not have come this way tho'. Mart. That's right- -well Wife, I won't ftand with you for little Matters, you ſhall beat me now, and I'll cry out, if you think that will get you a Guinea: if not, if you'll come to the Ale-houſe, I'll make you drunk; and ſo good b'w'ye. Wife. And am I always to be uſed thus ?————well, if I am not revenged, I am no Woman. [Exit ACT 20 LOVE'S CONTRIVANCE: Or, Bellm. ACT II. SCENE I. SCENE Bellmie's Lodgings. Enter Bellmie and Octavio. T O be married to-morrow, fay you?-im- poffible. Oct. So he told me, and there is nothing impoffible that has any relation to Falſehood; eſpecially where a Woman is concern'd. Bellm. Falſehood! by Heaven I'm certain ſhe never gave Confent, 'tis her Father's Doings all; for as I told you, he forbad me his Houſe two Days ago, upon what Grounds I know not, but I ſuſpected his Treachery. Oct. After countenancing your Pretenfions; what Ex- cufe cou'd he have for altering his Mind? Bellm. Why a very lame one; he ſaid he had confider'd better, and did not think me a proper Match for his Daughter; telling me he fhou'd be very glad to ſee me any where but at his own Houſe, and ſo left me. I have ever fo fince been ſo perplex'd to know the Cauſe, I ſcarce have fuffered Sleep to cloſe my Eyes; I have endeavoured all means poffible to fee Lucinda, but in vain. Oct. Write to her. Bellm. Ha! a lucky Thought comes into my Head; I'll to Martin, he us'd to be the wittiest Rogue at theſe Contrivances living; I'll be with you again preſently. [Exit. Oct. This 'tis to be an honourable Lover now, leave a Friend for a Miſtreſs Well, but let me fee, what What Books are theſe? [Turns over two or three Books. fhall I do here alone? ho! Enter Belliza, and flaps him on the Back with a Fan. Bell. What! ftudying Bellmie? Oh Lord!-I beg your pardon, Sir; I am miſtaken, I find. Oct. Only in the Name, Madam, for I am a Man, and at your Service. A charming Woman this-who the Devil is fhe? [Afide. Bell. This is Mr. Bellmie's Lodging, is it not, Sir? Oct. It is, Madam. Bell. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 2 I Bell. Is he within, pray? -but Oct. I expect him every Minute, Madam, can nobody do your Bufinefs but Mr. Bellmie, Child? Bell. Not at prefent, Sir.- A genteel handſome Fellow this- -who is he, I wonder? I don't remember ever to have ſeen him before. [Afide. Oct. My Friend's a happy Man to have pretty Ladies vifit him alone. Bell. You ſeldom think Happineſs depends upon our Sex. Oct. He that does I am fure is a Fool. [Afide.] No, Madam! why you are the only Bleffing of our Lives; are not all our Troubles, Cares, and Toils foftened by the en- dearing Embraces of a Woman? Have they not Power to ſmooth the rougheſt of our Tempers, and make us calmly fink into their Bofoms? In fhort, Madam, Women rule as they pleaſe. Bell. But like true Engliſhmen, you are never pleas'd long with one Government. Oct. Not if they affect arbitrary Sway; Liberty of Confcience, you know, Madam. Bell. Ay, and Men's Conſciences are very large. Oct. And Women have no Confcience at all. Bell. You are very free, methinks. Oct. You are very handfome, faith. Bell. I'll not believe you think fo. Oct. Egad, Madam, ſtay but till my Friend comes, and he will vouch for me. Bell. Is Bellmie your Friend, Sir? Oct. I think fo, Madam- -I'm fure we have fought for each other, been drunk, whored and ſlept together, which are the common Symptoms of Friendſhip. -Thus far your Query is anſwer'd. Bell. Very virtuous Symptoms truly, and concifely ex- prefs'd. Well, Sir, and I may prefume you partake of his Secrets too; for that is one part of Friendſhip, as I take it. Oct. So-now has fhe a mind to diſcover fomething; poor Rogue, he has us'd her unkindly, I warrant. [Afide. Yes, faith, Madam, I think we are pretty free in thoſe Matters; I don't believe he has any Secrets but what I know- -except his Intrigue with you, which I cou'd find in my Heart to cuckold him for, for concealing it from me. [Afide. Bell. 22 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Bell. Pray, Sir, tell me, I hear he is mightily in Love with one Lucinda- will he marry her, think you? Oct. Ha! fhe's jealous, I must not diſcover the Truth, left the Confequence be prejudicial to my Friend. [Afide. I know there was fome fuch talk once, Madam, but to my certain Knowledge it was never defign'd by him, I [Afide. Bell. How! never defign'd by him! you miſtake ſure? Oct. Not at all, I won't ſay he did not like her, becauſe I believe he wou'd have done her the Favour, but fhe· wou'd not confent upon any Terms; but that ever he had any Deſign of marrying her, I abſolutely deny. hope ſhe'll believe me. Bell. Impoffible !- yet it may be true, for the Earth produces not more Variety of Colours, than the Breaſt of Man Tricks to deceive; I am glad I know this, that Lucinda may not deceive herſelf with vain Hopes. [Afide.] And are you certain of this, Sir? Oct. As certain as that I live, Child; and as a Proof of what I fay, ſhe's to be married to-morrow to Sir Toby Doubtful, and Bellmie defigns to meet them at the Church- door with Muſick, to congratulate her Marriage. Bell. A generous Rival truly! Oct. Ah! Madam, he's the moſt generous Man in the World; his Miſtreſs and his Pocket are ſtill at his Friend's Service. Bell. Let his Friends fhare his Miſtreſs! I'm afraid if his Friends applaud his Generoſity, they condemn his Senſe. Oct. Quite to the contrary, Madam, they admire his Morals; he's a Well-wisher to his Country, and knows that the engroffing any Commodity ruins Trade. Bell. And is this his private Opinion, fay you? Oct. Directly- Ay, 'tis fo, this is fome Woman he keeps; and poor Soul, fhe's afraid when he has bought a Seat of his own, he'll not continue the Leaſe of her frail Tenement. [Afide.] But prithee Child, why are you fo inquifitive? Bell. I had fome Reaſons, Sir, but my Scruples are much clearer, by the Diſcovery you have made, for 1 de- pend upon what you ſay for Truth. Oct. That you may in every thing, Madam, as certainly as that I envy my Friend the Share he holds in your Efteem: He's my Friend, 'tis true, and as fuch, I ought to Le Medecin malgre Lui. 23 -But Beauty, bewitching to have conceal'd his Failing- Beauty, has Power at any time to unlock the Cloſet of my Breaſt; your Charms are irreſiſtibly engaging; hi, ho. [Sighs.] Faith, Madam, I'm in love. [Looking languiſhingly. Bell. For how long, pray Sir? Oct. Faith, Madam, that I can't tell; but if it holds on as it begins, I believe to my Life's end. Bell. And how many Friends have you to ſhare, pray? Oct. Faith, Madam, none at all. I fancy I fhould play the Monopolift, were you once at my Diſpoſal. Bell. But that would be a Ruin to Trade, you know; you would be reckon'd an Enemy to your Country. Oct. Od fo, that's true, as you fay; but no matter, I am no Member of Parliament, I have nobody's Affairs but my own upon my Hands. Bell. So confequently fear no Petitions. Oct. No, faith, Madam, I fear nothing but your Eyes. Bell I can affure you there is no Malignity in 'em; you'll be never the worſe for looking at 'em. Oct. I pofitively deny that; for I find I am ſtrangely diſorder'd, and nothing but the knowing of your Name, and Lodgings, and Leave to wait on you, can prolong my Life a Moment. Bell. O Lord! if you are ſo near Death, I'll be gone, left I am indited for your Murder: you'd do well to pray, Sir; fhall I fend a Parſon to you? Ha, ha, ha ! [Laughs. Oct. No, you dear charming Devil you. [Catching her. I can offer up my Devotions at no Altar but yours, you muſt not leave me, by Heaven you fhall not, till I know your Name. Bell. Well, that you may'nt be forſworn, my Name is Belliza. Oct. Your Lodging too. Bell. I muſt know you better firſt. Oct. Why 'tis in order to be better acquainted I aſk it, Child; come, dear, dear, Madam, don't torture me with Expectation, I won't tell Bellmie, faith. Bell. Then you'll not know, Sir, and ſo adieu. [Exit. Oct. So, fhe's gone- -did ever any body know fo croſs a Jade; now has fhe an itching to purfue the Cuſtom of her Sex, to be talked of, and enquired after; a Pox! I have a good mind not to aſk Bellmie about her, and yet I don't 24 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, don't know what's the matter with me, I have a devilish mind to a Night's Lodging with her; but then ſhe's my Friend's Miſtreſs: why, what then, fhe's not his Wife- Egad, I am refolved to found his Inclination, he can't be in Love in two Places at once, I am certain he's really fo with Lucinda-Ay, but that's honourable Love, he may keep a Miſtreſs for all that-But perhaps he may be weary of her, and glad to confign her over to me; Beauty's a falling Commodity, yet if the Perquifites ben't damaged, I'll accept 'em: So upon mature Confideration, I'll aſk him who ſhe is ho, here he comes. Enter Bellmie. Bellm. I was afraid I had tired your Patience, did you not think me long? Oct. No, faith, I have been very well diverted in your Abſence. Bellm. With what, prithee? Oct. Why with the beft Diverſion in the World, a pretty Woman. Bellm. A Woman! Oct. Yes, faith, fo fhe feem'd; wish I cou'd give you a more evident Proof of it; for ſhe's very handſome. Bellm. How came ſhe here? Oct. Upon her Legs I prefume. Bellm. But upon what Buſineſs? Oct. The main Buſineſs, I ſuppoſe, Love, Love, Friend; ſhe wanted you, Bellmie; and I can affure you I have done you no inconſiderable Piece of Service, if you knew all. Bellm. Prithee, what is't? Oct. Nay, hold there; like a politick Warrior, while the Power's in my own Hands, I'll make my own Con- ditions; if I tell you one thing you muſt grant me ano- ther. Bellm. You know you may command any thing that is in my Power; prithee what is't? Oct. A very inconſiderable thing to a Man in your Circumſtances; only a Night's Lodging with your Miſtreſs, that's all. Bellm. What mean you, Octavio? Oct. Why here has been a very pretty Lady to ſee you, and Le Medecin malgre Lui. 25 and by all Appearance ſhe's a Miſtreſs of yours, tho' you was never fo honeft as to tell your Friend your Happineſs; faith Bellmie, 'twas not like a Friend to conceal an Intrigue of this nature; what keep a Miſtreſs and let nobody know it! I'm ſure I never ferv'd you ſo. Bellm. What! do you mean to banter me?—————I keep a Miſtreſs! Oct. Yes, yes, don't deny it with that grave Face; that philoſophical Air won't do, Man, her Jealouſy diſcover'd all; fhe would fain have pumped me out of fomething about Lucinda, whether you loved her or not, or did defign to marry her- but thanks to this projecting Brain of mine, that furniſh'd me with Lies quick as my Tongue cou'd utter 'em, ſhe remains in Ignorance; I told her you deſign'd no fuch thing. Bellm. How! ods life, do you know what you have done? This muſt be ſomebody from Lucinda. I have no Miſtreſs, nor do I know any Woman breathing fo inti- mately as to expect a Vifit from her, except my Rela- tions, who are all known to you, therefore it muſt be from her. Oct. Ay, ay, don't think I'll let that paſs upon me, I expect for the Service I have done you to know where the Lady lives; yet faith and troth, Bellmie, if you will really confefs you love her, the Devil take me if I attempt making you a Cuckold, tho' I have, by the way, a violent Inclination; but Friendſhip has always had the Afcend- ant over my Deſires yet. Bellm. I tell you, Octavio, what I have ſaid is true, upon my Honour it is; and farther, I here promiſe to re- nounce all Claim whatſoever to the whole Sex, except Lucinda; will that fatisfy you? Oct. I take you at your Word, the Lady told me her Name was Belliza, What fay you now, Friend? ha!- -How beats your Heart? ha! ha! Bellm. As I fufpected, 'tis Lucinda's Couſin, you have ruin'd me. Oct. Ha! how! what's that? Lucinda's Coufin.. Bellm. Ay, poſitively; Oh! unfortunate Man that I am, to mifs the luckieft Minute Fate had in ftore for me.. B. [Raves. Oct. 26 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Oct. What then! is my charming delicious Harlot dwindled into a virtuous Woman at laft! a Pox of all Minutes, I fay, fince there's none lucky to me-Prithee, Bellmie, forgive me, for faith I defign'd well :— -But who the Devil can divine; for my part I was never more miſtaken in all my Life, the Devil take me if I cou'd fee honeſt Woman writ in their Forehead; but hark'e, if you'll tell me where the Lady lives, I'll go and unſay all I have faid. Bellm. 'Twill be to no purpoſe; did ſhe leave no Meſ- fage? Oct. None at all. Bellm. Were you not my Friend, Octavio, I cou'd not forgive what you have done; for ought I know I have loft Lucinda, 'tis owing to your Conduct. Oct. Pox on't, I was ne'er more vext in my Life; prithee what's to be done? what fays Martin? Bellm. I know not what's to be done now,—he has promis'd to deliver me a Letter, if poffible; all I can do is patiently to expect the Event: prithee do you go find out Sir Toby, and try what Diſcovery you can make ; but be ſure you don't let him know that you are acquainted with me, perhaps he may introduce you as a Friend of his, and fo you may ſpeak to Lucinda or her Couſin; which if you do, remember what you owe your Friend: But be fure you make particular Enquiry about the time, for I am re- folv'd he ſhall not marry her whilft I can hold this [Points to his Sword. Oct. I'll do't -when I parted with him he told me he was going thither; egad I'll impudently go and afk for him. Bellm. But what Pretence can you have? Oct. Oh! let me alone for that, I never want Pretence, when I can either ferve my Friend, or fee a pretty Wo- man; and egad this Belliza runs plaguily in my Head. Bellm. I hope you are caught, Octavio, I thou'd be glad to fee you quit this roving Temper, and think of living honeſtly, and marry. Oct. That's as much as to fay, you'd be glad to ſee me hand-cuff'd and fetter'd, juft ready to be ſhipp'd for a Virginia Slave; thank you heartily, Bellmie, you wish your Friends very well. Bellm. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 27 Bellm. Only as well as I do myſelf; come, come, I hope to ſee you of another mind, and I can aſſure you, nothing would be to me more welcome, next the enjoying my Lucinda, than your Company at Church upon the fame Deſign. Oct. Why this 'tis now; on my Conſcience ſome Men love their Friends fo well, that if they were to be hang'd themſelves, rather than part from them, they'd have them hang'd for Company. Ha, ha ! Bellm. You are of a happy Temper, always gay. Oct. And whilft I enjoy my dear, dear Liberty, I ſhall always be fo. Adieu. [Exeunt feverally. Luc. ACT III. SCENE I. SCENE, Selfwill's Houſe. Enter Lucinda and Belliza. Bell. He's a Man, Coufin, pray confider that. Luc. He's a Man, but not like common Men; I never found him falſe even in the ſmalleſt Matter, nor will I be- lieve it now: No, his Friend belies him, or Bell. Or I belie the Friend, ha! I wiſh you find it ſo. [Snappishly.] His Friend belies him! Methinks now cou'd I quarrel with her for her flight Opinion of his Friend; and yet I don't know what's the Matter neither, but methinks I have a very great Reſpect for his Friend. [Afide. Luc. What makes you fo angry, Coufin? Bell. What makes you ſo incredulous? Luc. Love; now if you give the fame Reaſon, I have done. Bell. On my Conſcience I fhall let the World know I like this Fellow before I know it myſelf. [Afide.] No, truly, Couſin, I can't be ſo complaifant; but I am con- cern'd, methinks, that you fhou'd fay his Friend belies him; for truly I think I never faw a prettier Gentleman in my Life, or one that look'd more like a Man of Honour, and I dare fay he is fo. Luc. But he's a Man, Coufin, pray confider that. Bell. And muſt he needs be falfe, becauſe he's a Man? Luc. B 2 28 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Luc. Your own Argument, Couſin. Bell. Dewce on't, I fhall diſcover myſelf. [Afide. That's true too; well, perhaps he did belie him-tho' I dare fwear he did not. [Afide. Luc. Yet may be he did not; for what ſhould be the Reaſon of his Abſence theſe two Days? If I was certain on't, he ſhou'd not be before-hand with me, at leaſt in the Opinion of the World; I'd marry this old Fellow, tho' I hate him; but that wou'd be to be reveng'd on myſelf, he wou'd be pleas'd at my Misfortune; therefore I'm re- folv'd if he's falfe never to marry. Bell. Have a Care, Couſin, make no Reſolutions; for here comes one will endeavour to break them. Enter Selfwill and Sir Toby Doubtful. Self. How now! what, in Tears, you ftubborn Bag- gage you? Be pleaſant you had beft, and entertain Sir Toby, as you ought to do, a Man that to-morrow is to command you. Bell. Then if he don't rule till to-morrow, fhe may rule to-day, may ſhe not? Self. Ay, 'tis your Sex's Privilege before Marriage. Bell. Is it fo? Why then if I was in her place, I wou'd command Sir Toby never to fee my Face again. Self. How how Huffy. [Holds up his Čane.] 'Tis from your Counſel proceeds her Diſobedience; but I'll part you, I'll warrant you. Sir Toby. Ladies your humble Servant; Madam, I am extremely troubled that you are ſo indiſpoſed, but I hope 'twill off again. Self. Ay, ay, Sir Toby, they are only Maiden's Tears, tho' their Hearts leap for Joy, yet they'd think it an un- pardonable Fault if they did not weep for four or five Days before they were married. Sir Toby. Nay, if that be all, I'm fatisfy'd; I can affure you, Mr. Selfwill, fhe fhall have no Occaſion to weep after Marriage, and that's the beft, I take it-To- morrow, Madam, your Father has appointed to make me happy; I hope you have no Objection to the Day. [To Lucinda. Luc. To-morrow! Oh Heavens! what ſhall I fay to prevent this curft Marriage? [Afide. Self. No, no, Sir Toby, ſhe has no difliking to the Day; Le Medecin malgre Lui. 29 Day; why don't you ſpeak you ſtubborn Baggage you, ha! ſpeak, and to the purpoſe too, you had beſt. Bell. To the purpoſe do you ſay, Uncle? then-- Self. Hold your Tongue, you Slut you, hold your Tongue. Martin without. Four a Penny China Oranges, four a Penny. Self. You won't ſpeak then? Luc. What ſhou'd I fay, Sir? you may force me to what you pleaſe, but my Heart will not let my Tongue ſpeak ought to pleaſe you in this Affair; therefore I think 'tis better not to ſpeak at all. Self. Say you fo, Miſtreſs? but your Tongue ſhall pro- nounce fome few words to-morrow, Gentlewoman, that will pleaſe me; to Love, Cheriſh, and Obey, d'ye hear? Martin. Four a Penny China Oranges, four a Penny. Sir Toby. Four a Penny, that's cheap, call in that Fellow. Self. Hang 'em Sir Toby, they are too cheap to be good. Sir Toby. We'll fee 'em. Enter Martin with Oranges. Sir Toby. Hark ye, Friend, are your Oranges good? Mart. As good as any's in England, Mafter; cut one, Sir, if you pleaſe; if you don't like it, you ſhan't pay for it. Sir Toby. Thou ſpeakeſt like an honeſt Fellow, I'll try a penny-worth of 'em. [He chufes 'em. Mart. This Lady fhall judge. [Taking out his Knife, and making as if he cut an Orange, then offers it to Lucinda.] Pray taſte this Orange, Madam. Luc. Don't trouble me with your Oranges. [Strikes it down and difcovers a Letter that was conceal'd in it.] I don't care whether they are good or bad. Mart. Ah, Madam! [Endeavouring to take up the Letter, [but is prevented by Selfwill. Self. What's this? a Letter in an Orange? is a new Way of pimping. -This [Looking upon it. Sir Toby. Ha! how's that! a Letter in an Orange, Mr. Selfwill? Blefſs me, that muſt be Conjuration. Luc. A Letter! Oh unfortunate! it must be from Bellmie; and if I am not miſtaken, this Fellow ferv'd him once. B 3 Bell. 30 LOVE'S CONTRIVANCE: Or, Bell. See what comes of Impatience now: had you had Philofophy enough to have borne all your Ills patiently, you had perhaps found a Cure for them in this Orange. Mart. 'Tis my beſt Way to ſteal out, ere he has done reading, or perhaps I fhall be fhew'd the next Way to the Horſe Pond. [Exit Martin. Self. What is the Dog gone? If I catch him with his four a Penny Oranges again, I'll make an Italian Singer of him. Lord! Lord! what will the World come to? Sir Toby. Truly I ſhou'd never have ſuſpected this Fel- low for a Bawd, pray let me fee the Letter, Mr. Selfwill. [Puts on his Spectacles and reads. 'Tis impoſſible to express what I have fuffer'd fince your Father forbad me his House, not being able to let you know I die if e'er you confent to his unjust Propofals; there- fore if you ftill love me, as once I flatter'd myself you did, be ready at your Window this Night at twelve, and I'll bring you a Conveyance ſhall ſafely help you to the Arms of Your faithful Bellmie. Self. There's a Piece of Treachery for you, Sir Toby! Sir Toby. Treachery indeed, and I'll inſtantly go tell Mr. Bellmie he's a Raſcal. Self. No, you ſhall firſt prevent his Deſigns, then let him do his worſt, you ſhall be married preſently.- -Here Robin, go tell Mr. Tickletext the Parfon; I wou'd ſpeak with him immediately. Luc. The Parſon, Sir ! Self. Yes, forfooth, the Parfon; I'll prevent your running away with Bellmie. Luc. Running away with Bellmie, Sir? Self. Ay, running away with Bellmie; what a Pox do ye echo me for; ha! if you are fo fond of ſpeaking after one, I hope the Sight of the Parſon won't diſpleaſe you. Luc. But I'll ne'er ſay after him with any in this Com- pany, I'll affure you. [Afide. Enter a Servant. Servant. Sir Toby, here's a Gentleman inquires for you, he fays his Name is Octavio. Sir Toby. Ods fo, a very honeft Gentleman. Self. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 31 Self. Defire him to walk up, if he's your Friend, he's welcome. Sir Toby. His Father was my particular Friend. Enter Octavio. Sir Toby. Mr. Octavio, I'm your moſt humble Servant. Oct. Sir Toby, your humble Servant. [To Selfwill.] Sir, your Servant. Self. Sir, you are welcome. Oct. Pray, Sir Toby, which is the Lady is to make you happy. Bell. As I live, Bellmie's Friend-Hi, ho !- what ails my Heart? -bleſs me, [Afide. Luc. Octavio here! [Afide. Sir Toby. This is fhe, Mr. Octavio; and you come op- portunely to give her to me, for the Parſon is juſt coming. Oct. Heaven forbid. [Aſide.] Say you ſo, Sir Toby? Madam your humble Servant. [Saluting her.] By Heaven, Madam, Bellmie will break his Heart. [Afide to her.] [Goes to Belliza and falutes her.] Faith, Madam, I ly'd in every Syllable I faid to you at Bellmie's Chamber, except when I told you I lov'd you. [Afide to her. Bell. I wish that be not the greateſt. [Afide. Luc. Poor Bellmie! which Way fhall I prevent both our Misfortunes: I have it. [Afide.] Oh! Oh! [She counterfeits a Fit. Oct. Oh Heavens! look to the Lady. Sir Toby. Good lack-a-day, what's the matter! Is fhe ſubject to theſe Fits, Mr. Selfwill? Self. Truly, I never knew her have but one, and that was at the Sight of a Cat. -Poor Girl. Bell. A lucky Hint, I'll take it. [Afide.] And that is the Reaſon now, for I faw a Cat at that Door this Minute, 'Tis rather to avoid the old Cat's fcratching her, by the by tho'. [Afide. Self. She's a coming to herſelf; Lucinda, fpeak to me, Child, how doft thou do? Luc. Oh! Oh !-Oh! Oct. How do you do, Madam? Luc. [Shakes her Head, but answers nobody.] Sir Toby. How does my Chicken? ha! Luc. [Shakes her Head again.] B 4 Bell. 32 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Bell. Speak to us, Coufin, how do you do? Oh! dear Uncle, I fear ſhe can't ſpeak. Self. Not ſpeak! I'd rather ſhe ſhou'd lofe all the reſt of her Senfes. Speak to me, Child. Luc. [Shakes her Head, and points to her Mouth.] Sir Toby. Oh Lord! Oh Lord! dumb, why fhe can't fay after the Parfon; what an Inundation of Miſchief's here? Enter Mr. Tickletext. Tickle. What's the matter, Mr. Selfwill, is not your Daughter well? Self. Not very well, Mr. Tickletext, ſhe has an An- tipathy againſt a Cat, and it feems one look'd into the Room juſt now and made her faint away. Tickle. Why truly one may obſerve a great deal from Sympathy and Antipathy; but pray what did you fend for me for, Mr. Selfwill? Oct. Only to ſay Grace, that the Lady and Sir Toby might fall too; but you have ſtaid ſo long, Mr. Parfon, that the Lady's Stomach is gone. Sir Toby. You are very fatyrical upon your Friends, Mr. Octavio; but I hope her Stomach will come again, as you call it tho'. Self. Or I'll make her eat againſt her Stomach, I can tell her that. Bell. Ay, but Uncle, that feldom digefts well, and what don't digeft will throw the Body ino a Fever. Self. Does it fo, Mrs. Quack.- pect a Trick. • Do ye hear, I fuf- [Afide to Belliza. Tickle. If the Lady be not well you had beſt defer it till to-morrow, Sir Toby. Self. No, Sir, there's a Neceffity of having it done to- night. Bell. What, tho' my Couſin can't ſpeak, Uncle? Self. Hold your Tongue, you Jade you; if ſhe can't ſpeak ſhe ſhall make Signs. Tickle. What! can't the Lady fpeak? Nay, then I'll have no hand in the Buſineſs; I do not think I can juſ tify it, when I don't know if the Parties are willing. Self. The Parties are willing. not willing to marry my Daughter? Sir Toby. 'Tis what I deſign. Sir Toby, are you Self. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 33 Self. And is fhe not my Child, have not I a right to diſpoſe of her as I pleaſe?—I ſay ſhe ſhall have him; and if ſhe can't ſpeak, I'll anſwer for her myſelf. Tickle. Truly, Mr. Selfwill, I muſt beg your Pardon, I'll not do it. Self. Then, Sir, [Taking off his Hat.] you may let it alone, I'll have thofe that will; and, Sir, if you won't do my Buſineſs, I have no Buſineſs with you, there lies the Door- -The Obſtinacy of Women and Prieſts wou'd confound the Patience of any Man. Tickle. With all my Heart, Gentlemen your Servant. [Exit. Bell. Lord, Lord, Uncle, why fhould you affront the Gentleman, becauſe he has more Confcience than you? Self. Huffy, hold your Tongue. [Holds up his Cane.] Was ever Man thus plagued? Sir Toby. Truly, Mr. Selfwill, I think 'tis better to de- fer it till to-morrow, as Mr. Tickletext ſays. Self. But do you think what may be the Confequences of it, Sir Toby? Sir Toby. That's true, but no matter, I'll fit up with her, and then let him come if he dares. -How do you, my dear? [They stand about Lucinda. Oct. Madam, fhall I never fee you at Bellmie's Lodg- ings again? Bell. I believe not, Sir. Oct. Why then I know what I know. Bell. Pray what's that, Sir? [Afide to Belliza. Oct. You'll fee me very often at yours, that's all; for I find by the beating of my Pulſe, the Motion of my Brain, and the heavings of my Heart, I am very far gone in that dangerous Diftemper call'd Love, and you are the only Phyſician can ſave my Life. Bell. You had beſt not truſt to my Skill, for I am but a Quack, as my Uncle fays; but I fuppofe your Condition is not defperate. Oct. I ſhan't die this Minute, Madam, I hope Heaven will let me ſerve my Friend ere I make my Exit, and then the Parſon ſhall trufs me up as foon as you pleaſe: I muſt ftraight to Bellmie, and let him know how Affairs ftand. I hope Lucinda does but counterfeit this Silence. 3 VOL. II. { B 5 Bell. 34 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Bell. I hope fo too; I believe 'tis in Bellmie's Power to make her ſpeak again; huſh, we are obſerved. Sir Toby. Ah! Mr. Octavio, you know a pretty Wo- man, I find. Oct. Ay, I thank Heaven, I have all my Senfes, Sir Toby, and he that has, muft own this Lady claims that Title; but how does your Miſtreſs, Sir Toby? Sir Toby. Faith, dumb, dumb ftill, I wou'd give five hundred pounds that ſhe cou'd ſpeak. Self. And I five hundred more. Oct. You had beft put it in the Courant, by that Means you'll have the Affiftance of the moſt able Men in the Kingdom. Self. I'll do it this Minute. Here, carry her to her Chamber: Sir, I'm your humble Servant. Oct. Sir, your humble Servant; Sir Toby I am yours, I hope the Lady will recover. [Exeunt feverally. The SCENE changes to the Street. Enter Martin's Wife. Wife. Which Way ſhall I be reveng'd on my Huſband, a Woman always has it in her Power to be revenged one Way; but I wou'd pay him in his own Coin. Enter one of Selfwill's Footmen going to the Printer's. Servant. Pray, good Woman, whereabouts lives the Printer that prints the Courant? Wife. At the Poft-houfe at Temple-Bar; pray, Sir, what News are you going to put into the Courant, any Robberies or Murders committed? Serv. No, good Woman, I am going to put a Reward of five hundred Pounds, for any Man that can reſtore my young Miſtreſs to her Speech again. Wife. A good Hint. [Afide.]-Pray, Sir, who do you belong to ? Serv. Mr. Selfwill. Wife. Good lack-a-day, is his Daughter taken dumb, do you ſay? Serv. 'Tis too true indeed. Wife. I know a Man can cure him if he will, but you'll have much ado to perfuade him to it; he has prodigious Skill, Le Medecin malgre Lui. 35 A Skill, and to my Knowledge has done wonderful Cures, even to the raiſing the Dead; but there is but one Way to make him own his Knowledge, for to look at him you wou'd not think he knew a Pig from a Dog, as we may ſay. Serv. Say you fo; what is he, pray? Wife. Nay, but a poor Man neither, he's a Faggot- maker, but a feventh Son, and as I tell you, he can do it if he will. Serv. Why fure five hundred Pounds will tempt him then. Wife. No, nothing will tempt him, for he never takes any Money for what he does; but I can tell you how you fhall make him own himſelf a Doctor. Serv. How is it pray?—Egad I fhall be a rich Man, for I'll keep the Money to myſelf. [Afide. Wife. Why you muſt beat him foundly, or he'll not own anything of the Matter; try firft with good Words, but I know that will be to no purpoſe; but you may try how- ever, you'll find him in the Wood-yard binding of Fag- gots. I'd adviſe you to make what hafte you can, for I can aſſure you he is a Man of wondrous Skill, but be fure don't ſpare his Bones till he confeffes it. Seru. I'll warrant you I'll make him confeſs it with a Devil to him, if beating will do it. Wife. So now ſhall I have ſufficient Revenge; [Exit. The old Law fays give Eye for Eye, And Tooth for Tooth reſtore; Then beat him well for beating me, And I defire no more. [Exit. I. ACT IV. SCENE SCENE, a Wood-yard, Martin finging, binding of Faggots, with his Bag and Bottle by him. Enter two Servants. Ift Serv. THIS muſt be he. 2d Serv. He looks more like a Gold- finder than a Doctor- Come, let's ſpeak to him. Ift Serv. Speed your Work, honeſt Man. Mart. 1 36 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Mart. Thank you, thank ye, Friend. [Sings on. [Martin Jeeing them come near him, removes his Bag and Bottle on t'other Side. 2d Serv. We are come upon earneſt Buſineſs to you, Sir. [They go on the other Side, he moves his Bag and Bottle again. Mart. I don't like your Buſineſs, you look as if you were ſharp ſet. [Afide.] From who, pray? [One goes on one Side, and the t'other on the other; he moves his Bag and Bottle between his Legs. ift Serv. From Mr. Selfwill. Mart. Ha, about Faggots, I fuppofe; I promiſe you there is not better in England than what I fell. 2d Serv. No, Sir, he has heard of your wondrous Skill. Mart. Ay, Mafter, I defy any Man in England to make better. 2d Serv. He has heard, I fay- Mart. Ay, Mafter, he has heard, I fuppoſe, that mine are two Shillings better in an hundred, than any he can buy. 2d Serv. That you have great Skill- Mart. In Faggot-making; why truly not to praiſe my- ſelf too much, I'll bind a Faggot with any Man in the Queen's Dominions, be he what he will. 2d Serv. In Phyfick, Sir. Mart. Ha! what a Pox does he mean?—————Egad I'll not underſtand him. Ift Serv. And defires you'd let him have- Mart. Them as cheap as I can- miſe you. ift Serv. Give him your beſt- [Afide. that I will I pro- Mart. That I will too, Mafter:-But then he muſt give the beſt Price: Here's a Faggot now, do ye fee, a hun- dred of them Faggots are twelve Shillings, and I'll fell him an hundred of theſe for ten; now perhaps you may like theſe as well as them, but there's a great deal of Difference. Ift Serv. Zounds, will you hear what we have to ſay to you? Mart. Ay, Maſter, give me leave to deal honeftly with you, I don't fell for once, but hope to keep your Cuſtom ; do Le Medecin malgre Lui. 37 do ye ſee, Maſter, there's great Difference between dry Wood and fallow Wood. us ift Serv. My Mafter defires you to come along with Mart. I can't tell how to ſpare ſo much Time, Maſter, except you are certain he will give me my Price; for Ì won't abate a Farthing of what I told you, take them or leave them. [Sits down again and fings. 2d Serv. This is the Devil of a Doctor, Sir, I fay we don't come about- Mart. I have fet you the laſt Price, Maſters, I'll pro- miſe you. 2d Serv. I fay- Mart. Ay, fay what you pleaſe, Maſter, but I can't abate a Penny. iſt Serv. We don't come about Faggots, my Maſter's Daughter is ftricken dumb, and he is inform'd you have very great Skill in phyſical Operations, therefore he has ſent for you, and if you can reftore her to her Speech, he'll give you five hundred Pounds. Mart. Ha? I fmell a Rat, they want to have me in their Clutches, to reward me for my Oranges; but I ſhall fail them. [Afide. 2d Serv. What ſay you, Sir? Mart. Alas! Mafter, I don't know what to ſay, you are pleaſed to be merry, I find; I a Doctor! ha, ha, ha! Ift Serv. Nay, we are in earneſt, I'll affure, you, there- fore pray don't put us to the Trouble of uſing you rough- ly; for upon my Word, tho' I know how to make you comply, I wou'd much rather you ſhould confeſs it by fair Means. Mart. Confeſs what, Sir? 2d Serv. That you are a Doctor, Sir: We have heard what wondrous Cures you have done, tho' your Modefty won't let you own it; but pray, Sir, don't ſtand to diſpute, but come along with us. Mart. Cures! ha, ha, ha! you certainly have miſtaken the Man; why do I look as if I was a Doctor? Ift Serv. 'Tis no Matter what you lock like, Sir, we know you are one, therefore pray come along, or we ſhall make you. Mart 38 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Mart. Ay, you may make me go along with you, if you will, but you'll never make a Doctor of me I can tell you. 2d Serv. Nor you won't own it? [Slaps him over the Back. Mart. Own what, Gentlemen, what do you mean? Ift Serv. To make you confeſs. Mart. What muft I confefs? 2d Serv. Your Skill. [Strikes him. Mart. Skill, Gentlemen! I confefs all the Skill I have is in Faggot-making, in good faith, Maſters. Ift Serv. We fhall make you alter your Note, Mr. Faggot-maker, ere we have done with you. Mart. Hold, hold, Gentlemen, I am [Both beat him. 2d Serv. Oh! have we found the Way to make you fpeak Truth. Mart. But a Faggot-maker- [Looking pitifully. Ift Serv. Again at your Shifts; we were told indeed that you muſt be foundly beaten, ere you wou'd own it. [They beat him foundly. Martin. Oh! hold, hold, I am a Doctor, Gentlemen, I beg your Pardons. 2d Serv. Sir, your humble Servant; now we honour you, be pleas'd to be cover'd Sir. Mart. By no Means, Sir. 2d Serv. O! by all Means, Sir, pray put on your Hat. Mart. Sir, your humble Servant, Sir: [Comically.] Pray what Diftemper has your young Lady, Sir? 2d Serv. She's dumb, Sir. Mart. Dumb! good lack, good lack—I wiſh my Wife was fo. [Afide. 2d Serv. She was ftruck dumb, juft as fhe was going to be married to Sir Toby Doubtful; and they were forced to put off the Marriage, becauſe ſhe cou'd not ſay after the Parfon. Mart. Say you fo, a very hard Cafe truly. -This may be a very lucky Hit for my Mafter Bellmie; for I fuſ- pect ſhe's not dumb in earneſt. [Afide. 2d Serv. Well, Sir, do you think you can do her any good? Mart. Why, Mafters, I'll ufe my Endeavours, fince you Le Medecin malgre Lui. 39 you have got the Secret out, I'll affure you; and I don't queftion but to bring her to her Speech again. ift Serv. Say you fo, Sir, pray come along quickly then. [Exeunt. SCENE Selfwill's Houſe. Lucinda on a Couch, with Belliza by her. Bell. And how long do you deſign to be dumb, Coufin? Luc. Till I can ſpeak to the Purpoſe. Bell. That is, tilÎ you can get Bellmie, or diſcard the old Man. Well, this Love's a deſperate Buſineſs. Luc. As defperate as 'tis, Coufin, I find you are not frighten'd at the Apprehenfion of it. Bell. What do you mean? Luc. Nay, what do you mean by hiding your Defires from me? Bell. Defires! what Defires prithee? Luc. What! you think I don't ſee you are in Love with Bellmie's Friend! Don't you remember how warmly you afferted his Innocence this Morning, when he traduc'd Bellmie, and but now you confefs'd he ly'd in every Syllable. Bell. And will you infer from that, I love him? Luc. Come, come, Coufin, we never ftickle up for the Perſon we don't care for. Bell. Well then, Lucinda, to be ingenuous, I do like Octavio above all Men living, I can't tell why,—but me- thinks there is ſomething in his Humour fo very agreeable, that did he like me as well, I cou'd be content to ſay thoſe three difmal Words, Love, Honour, and Obey. Luc. Well, Coufin, I'm glad to find you'll bear me Com- pany; if Fortune ſhould ſmile once again, I'll warrant you Octavio won't forfake his Friend, and fo fair a Fortune; but here comes my Father, now to my Couch. [Runs and lies down. Enter Selfwill and Martin. Self. How doft thou, Child? ſpeak to me if thou can'ft? [She fakes her Head. Bell. Indeed, Uncle, I have try'd all the Ways I cou'd think on to make her ſpeak to me, but to no Purpoſe. -Ha! 40 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, -Ha! if I'm not miſtaken, that is the fame Fellow that brought the Oranges to-day, I fufpect fhe'll quickly ſpeak were but my Uncle removed. [Afide. Self. Good lack! Well, Mr. Doctor, you ſee what a Condition ſhe's in, if you can reſtore her to her Speech, I'll give you what you'll aſk. -Pray, Madam, open -Let me feel Mart. I don't doubt it, Sir.- your Mouth. [She opens.] Very well- your Pulfe; in a very low Condition truly. Sir, I muſt defire every body to avoid the Room; for I never work any of thefe Cures before any but my Patients, and you muſt bring me Pen, Ink, and Paper, and be ſure you fhut the Doors faft, and for your Life don't let any body ap- proach within twenty Feet of the Door. [In a very grave Tone. Bell. So- now I fee my Sufpicion is true-Sure, Doctor, you deſign to conjure for her Speech. Mart. Not at all, Madam, but I have a particular Me- thod, and it is not fafe for any body to be near. Bell. I am gone, pray Heaven your Deſign profpers. [Exit. Self. But Doctor, may I not ſtay in the Room, I'll not look towards you. -but Mart. By no Means, Sir, I tell you, if any Per- fon is in the Room the Charm will be of no Effect. Self. Say you fo, Sir? well then I'm gone,- I'm refolv'd to watch which Way this Fellow does this Miracle, it muſt be by the Devil certainly; I have a Win- dow in my Chamber looks into this, whence I may lee all that's done. [Aſide.] Well, Doctor, I'll pray for you that your Undertaking may profper, I'll fend you Pen, Ink, and Paper immediately. [Exit. Mart. Pray do, Sir.-Now if the fhou'd really be dumb-Egad I'll try. [Afide.] What wou'd my Maſter Bellmie give to be in my Place, Madam. Luc. Ha! Bellmie! are not you he that was here with Oranges? Mart. I am, Madam.- pos'd. Ho, ho, it is as I fup- Enter one with Pen, Ink, &c. [Afide. Mart. And go, go, go, be gone quickly. [Exit Servant. Ah! Madam, if you had taken that Letter. Luc. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 41 Luc. I wish I had; but hark ye, did you never live with Bellmie? Mart. Yes, Madam, when he first courted you, my Name is Martin; but Poverty and Labour, Madam, has almoft, defac'd me in the Memory of every body; but Madam, we muſt be quick, pray take this Paper and write to my Mafter, who is almoſt driven to Deſpair, to hear of this fad Accident. tho'. Luc. Give it me quickly; but pray, which Way_got you Credit with my Father to paſs upon him for a Doctor? Self. Certainly they talk, I can't hear what they fay [Appears at a Window. Mart. By Infpiration, I think; for how I came to be taken for a Doctor I don't know; all I know is, that I was forced hither out of the Field, by two of your Father's Men, perhaps they miſtook me for another; but they were very importunate, as my poor Back and Shoulders can teſtify, for I am almoſt beaten to a Jelly. [Shrugs his Shoulders. Luc. Alas! poor Fellow, there's a Guinea for thee; certainly this muſt be a lucky Omen- -Well, I'll give you a Letter immediately. [Writes. Self. They certainly talk, but if I'm not miſtaken, ſhe's a writing too; pray Heaven this ben't fome Fiend, and my Child making a Contract with the Devil; I'll ſtep down and try whether the Devil or I are moſt cunning. Luc. There, I have done. Enter Selfwill behind her, and Snatches the Paper from her. Self. Have you fo? Luc. Oh Lord! Mart. Ha! Nay then a clear Stage for the Doctor. Self. What's this? [Exit. [Reads. My dear, dear Bellmie, it is impoffible for me to express the Foy I feel, at finding you conftant when I leaft thought you fo; let me beg of you to fufpend your Fears, for I am not dumb, only counterfeit it as the laft Remedy to prevent my barbarous Father's Designs, who was refo- lutely bent to marry me that Moment; and be affur'd I'll never give my Hand to any but thyself; therefore be cer- tain of the Heart of Your Lucinda. Oh 42 LOVE'S CONTRIVANCE: Or, Oh brave! Barbarous Father! impudent, audacious treacherous Slut! -hum! -You Huffy, I'll marry you to my Scullion, I will, Huffy, if I pleaſe counterfeited with a Pox, I'll counterfeit you; I'll yerk the fullen Devil out of you, I will fo. Enter Belliza. Bell. Blefs me, Uncle, what's the matter? Self. I'll tell you what's the matter by and by, if you vex me; where's this Rogue, this cozening Dog, this is the fame Fellow, I believe, that brought the Devil in an Orange; but I'll fend him to the Devil I warrant him. [Exit. Bell. Well, Coufin, I over-heard all, what will you do now? he'll certainly force you immediately. Luc. I have but one Card left to play, if that fails I'm loft. Enter Selfwill again. Self. He has made his Eſcape, a Dog; but if ever I catch him- Well, Miftrefs, I hope your Tongue is in Readineſs, here's Sir Toby; one Denial, do ye hear, and you had better be hang'd. Luc. On my Knees, Sir, I beg your Pardon.—And fince I fee nothing will perfuade you to the contrary, I fubmit freely to your Pleaſure. Self. So, that's well faid. Enter Sir Toby. Self. Joy, Sir Toby, my Daughter ſpeaks again. Sir Toby. Then I am a happy Man; moft humble Servant. Madam, your [Salutes her. Coufin, in the Self. Well, I'll to the Parfon, Sir Toby; mean Time do you dreſs the Bride; adad I'll have a Dance ere I ſleep yet. [Exit. Sir Toby. Well, my dear, we ſhall be very happy, you ſhall never refufe me anything, and I'll do juft what I pleaſe with you; we may toy, and play, and kiſs, and-ha! from the Head to the Foot, for I am Maſter of all; methinks I fee your pretty Eyes, half cloſed lan- guiſhing thus, and your ruby Lips like a Roſe-bud juſt opening, and diſtilling a moiſt Dew upon mine: Ha! your Le Medecin malgre Lui. 43 your pretty Ears fuck'd to a Vermillion Colour, your Alabafter Neck, and thoſe two pretty Bubbies ; -and you-in fine, all your Perfon is at my Difcretion, and I at my own to carefs you as I pleaſe. Ha! my Girl, does not this pleaſe you? ha! Bell. O my Confcience, the old Man's in a Rapture. [Afide. Luc. O extremely, Sir Toby; for my Father's rigid Severity has made me almoft weary of my Life, I am ſtark mad for my Liberty; for my Part I never loved Bellmie only with a Deſign to get away from my Father, and his gay Humour promiſed me I fhould follow my own; but I'd as live have you as him, or any body elſe, ſo I get but out of my Father's Jurifdiction. Sir Toby: How! how! was that all? Luc. Pofitively, which I hope to Heaven will quickly be; now I'll prepare for Diverſion, and retrieve the Time I've loft; you muſt promiſe me one thing, Sir Toby. Sir Toby. What's that, Madam? Luc. To let me have a Houſe, or very good Lodgings about St. James's. Sir Toby. About St. James's? Bell. Oh! by all Means, Sir Toby, all People of Breed- ing, and Faſhion, live at that End of the Town. Luc. Efpecially the Company that I ſhall moſt covet. Sir Toby. But St. James's is quite out of my Way of Bufinefs; for that lies at the Exchange you know. Bell. Better ftill, Sir Toby, for you may keep Lodgings in the City, and vifit your Wife every Saturday Night, and ſtay till Monday, true Citizen like, you know. Sir Toby. Why, what do you think I deſign to lie with my Wife but once a Week then? Luc. Once a Week! I wou'd not for the World bed with you oftener; why 'tis not the Faſhion, Sir Toby ; and I affure you when I marry I hope to be my own Miſtreſs, and follow my own Inclination, which will carry me to the utmoſt Pinacle of the Faſhion. Sir Toby. Humh! that is as much as to ſay, the Faſhion is for Ladies to cuckold their Hufbands; and for the better effecting of it, they'd find Pretence for lying alone. [Afide. Bell. You look like a very gallant Gentleman, Sir Toby. Sir Toby. 44 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Sir Toby. I believe if ſhe takes your Counſel, I fhall foon look like a Beaft. [Afide. Luc. Ay, that knows how a Woman ſhou'd live; I'm certain you are not one of thofe ill-natur'd Huſbands, who expect to keep their Wives like Melons under Glaſſes; I believe we ſhall agree the beſt in the World. Sir Toby. Afunder I believe it muſt be then. [Afide. Bell. She'll diſtract the old Fellow preſently. [Áſide. And then, Sir Toby, you muſt alter your Livery, and give a lac'd one, for grey turn'd up with blue looks fo like a Country Squire. Ha, ha, ha! Luc. One thing more I had like to have forgot, I muſt have a French Chariot poſitively; for I would not give a Farthing for a Chariot, if it ben't a French one. Sir Toby. French! egad I wou'd not have a Nail about my Coach that's French, for the Wealth of the Eaft-India Company. French Chariot! ſay ye? Zouns, Madam, do ye take me for a Jacobite? ha! Bell. Oh Lord! he'll beat us by and by. [Afide.] No, no, Sir Toby, Gentlemen may follow the French Faſhions, nay, fup with a Frenchman, yet be no Jacobite. Sir Toby. I fay 'tis a Lie, and I'll keep no French Chariot. Luc. You'll at leaſt keep fix Horſes, Sir Toby, for I wou'd not make a Tour in Hyde-Park with lefs for the World; for methinks a pair looks like a Hackney. Sir Toby. Zouns this Woman will undo me. [Afide. Luc. For my Part I hate Solitude, Churches, and Prayers. Bell. So do I directly; for except St. James's Church, one ſcarce fees a well-dreft Man, or ever receives a Bow from any thing above one's Mercer. Sir Toby. Why what a World of Religion our Ladies have; why do you go to Church to pay and receive Bows pray? Bell. Not abfolutely on purpoſe, Sir Toby; but ſhe that has no Reverence from a Crowd, is look'd upon as an ob- fcure Perſon, than which there cannot be a greater Affront; for the Pleaſure of living now-a-days, is to be known and talk'd of. Sir Toby. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 45 བ Sir Toby. And I'm miſtaken if you'll not give Cauſe enough for Talk. [Afide. Luc. For my part I love the Park, Plays-Oh Heavens! what ails you Sir? Your countenance is chang'd. Sir Toby. 'Tis only Vapours—my Head is giddy a little. Bell. Ha, ha, ha ! Luc. Oh! 'tis a Diſeaſe that afflicts Abundance of Peo- ple; -but our Marriage, I hope, will diffipate that, I'll fetch you fome cold water, Sir Toby. Sir Toby. No, no, it will off again.-Mercy upon me, what a Judgment have I eſcap'd! [Afide. Luc. Well, Sir Toby, I'll in and drefs, my Father and the Parfon will be here preſently Come Coufin, if this has not put Marriage out of his Head, Heaven help Lucinda. [Afide. Bell. 'Tis the maddeft Method I e'er knew put in Prac- tice. Sir Toby. The Devil take him that ſtays for their coming. [Exit. SCENE the Street. Enter Bellmie, Octavio, and Martin. Bellm. Was there ever a more promifing Proſpect fo curfedly crofs'd? Oct. Never certainly, yet you are happy in being be- loved; Fortune will at laft crown your Wishes, Bellmie, ſhe cannot always be fevere; it is her Property to change, you know, therefore chear up. Bellm. O that I had a thouſand Men to fight for her Sake, they ſhou'd one after another fall, or I'd be freed from this curfed Pain of Wiſhing. I have no Hopes now. there's no Way left to get Poffeffion of her. his Houſe about his Ears. I'll fire Oct. That may endanger her-ha! who comes here, Sir Toby? Do you flip afide, for he does not know that I know you. Bellm. I wish he was as young as I am, that I might take an honourable Revenge on him. Enter Sir Toby. Sir Toby. Pox on't, I find I love this Woman, tho' if I marry her, I'm certain to be a Cuckold. Oct. 46 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Oct. Sir Toby, your Servant, well met, I was juſt going to look for you, a Jeweller of my Acquaintance tells me, you were enquiring for a Diamond Ring, to preſent your Lady with, he ſays he has one of the fineſt in England, and defires me to introduce him. Sir Toby. Mr. Octavio, I thank you; but I have no Occafion for it at preſent. Oct. How! not at prefent! why you'll give it her be- fore you marry her, won't you? Sir Tob. But I don't know whether I fhall marry her or no; I wiſh I were in France now, for there's wife Men, and learned Men, that would refolve one a queſtion im- mediately. Oct. A good Hint- Why Sir Toby, if you have any Queſtion depending on Philofophy or Aftrology, here's one of the moſt ingenious Fellows in France now in Town, I came over in the fame Ship with him. Sir Toby. Say you fo, Sir? pray can you bring me to him? Oct. My Servant ſhall fhew you, or he fhall be at my Lodging in a Quarter of an Hour: I wou'd wait on you myſelf, Sir Toby, was I not to help a Friend away with his Miſtreſs, a friendly Office, you know. Sir Toby. Ay, ay, Sir, fo it is; well, Sir, I'll be at your Lodgings in that time, you'll give Order to your Man. I'll know I'm refolv'd whether this be only her Humour, or if I fhall be a Cuckold or not. [Exit. Bellmie appears. Bellm. I over-heard all; but what a Pox does he want a wife Man for? Oct. I know not, but gueſs it is fomething about Lu- cinda; what think you of perfonating the wife Man I pro- miſed to introduce him to? if it don't abfolutely prevent, it may at leaſt defer the Marriage. Bellm. With all my Heart. Oct. Come, let's to my Lodgings, where you ſhall equip yourſelf ready to receive him. [Exeunt. ACT Le Medecin malgre Lui. 47 ACT V. SCENE I. SCENE changes to Lucinda's Apartments. Bell. I'M Enter Lucinda and Belliza. 'MY Confcience this is the maddeft Frolick I ever faw, why thou haft almoſt thrown the old Man into Convulfions; I dare fwear thou haft frighted Ma- trimony out of his Head. Luc. I hope fo, or he'll fright me out of my Wits. Bell. Nay, if he ventures on you after this, you need never fear his being jealous. Luc. I doubt I fhall give him Caufe enough, if he has not the Grace to take Warning. But hufh, here's my Father. Enter Selfwill. Self. Daughter, where's Sir Toby? Luc. Gone out, Sir, but he'll not be long, I ſuppoſe. Self. Odfo, gone out !- I made account he fhou'd have heard the Mufic practis'd over, which I defign'd for your Wedding; for I'll keep a public Wedding, Girl. Bell. 'Tis too late, Uncle, to invite any body to-day, therefore you had as good defer the Wedding till to- morrow, had you not, Uncle ? Self. No marry had I not. -Hang delays, I hate them, fhe may be married to-night, and we may keep the Wedding to-morrow, or next Day, therefore I fay it fhall be done to-night, I ſpoke to ſome of the Singers in the Play-houſe to be ready if I fent for them, and I gave them an Invitation to my Houſe, and one of them is within already; and Daughter, till Sir Toby comes ſhe ſhall divert you; d'ye hear, defire that Gentlewoman to come in. Enter Mrs. Shaw. Self. Come, Madam, pray oblige us with ſome of your neweft Entertainments. [She fings.] Very well, very well, there's five Guineas for you; d'ye fee, to-morrow I fhall fend for you again. Come, my Girl, come along with me, and I'll make you a Preſent of your Mother's Jewels ; thou shalt loofe nothing my Girl, by being dutiful, d'ye fee. Bell. 48 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, Bell. Nor you get nothing by being obftinate, old Gen- tleman, if our Plot takes. [Exeunt. SCENE changes to Octavio's Lodgings. Enter Bellmie like a Philofopher on one Side feeming to talk to fome body within; and Sir Toby and Servants on the other Side. Serv. That's he, Sir. Sir Toby. Very well. [Exeunt Servants. Bellm. Go, you are infufferable, a Man fit to be ba- nish'd all learned Converſation. [Looking back.] Yes, I'll maintain it by all the Arguments of Philofophy, that thou art an Ignoramus, and ought to be defpis'd by all Men of Letters. Sir Toby. He's in a Paffion with fomebody.—Sir,- Sir- Bellm. Thou pretend to argue Reaſon, and doft not un- derſtand the Elements of Reaſon? Sir Toby. His Anger blinds him, he does not ſee me.- Sir,- Sir,- Bellm. It is a Poſition to be condemned by all the learn- ed World. Sir Toby. Somebody has vex'd him. Bell. Toto cælo, tota via aberras. Sir Toby. Doctor, I kiſs your Hand. Bellm. Your Servant. Sir Toby. May one Bellm. Doft thou know what thou haft done? [Looking back.] Thou haſt committed a Syllogiſm in Abordo. Sir Toby. I wou'd- Bellm. The Major is infipid, the Minor is impertinent, and the Concluſion ridiculous. Sir Toby. I Bellm. I'll be hang'd ere I agree to what thou ſay'ſt, and I'll hold my Opinion to the laſt Drop of my Ink. Sir Toby. Doctor, I wou'd Bellm. Yes, I'll defend that Poſition, Pugnis & Cal- cibus, Unguibus & Roftro. Sir Toby. Mr. Ariſtotle, pray mayn't one know what puts you into fuch a Paffion? Bellm. A Subject the moſt juſt in the World. Sir Toby. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 49 Sir Toby. Pray what is it? Bellm. An ignorant Fellow wou'd pretend to hold an Argument the moſt unjuft, unfufferable, infupportable- Sir Toby. May one not know what it is? Bellm. Ah! Sir, every thing is turn'd upſide down, and the World is corrupted as if there was a Licence for Vice; and the Magiftrates who are eſtabliſh'd to keep good Order, ought to bluſh for ſuffering fuch an intole- rable Scandal as this, which I ſpeak of. Sir Toby. But pray what is it? Bellm. Is it not a horrible thing, a thing that cries to Heaven for Vengeance, that it fhou'd be ſaid publickly, the Form of a Hat. Sir Toby. How! Bellm. I hold the Figure of a Hat, not the Form, fo far, that there's this Difference between the Form and the Figure; the Form is the exterior Difpofition of Bodies animate, and the Figure is the exterior Difpofition of Bo- dies inanimate ; ſo that the Hat being inanimate, it muſt be faid the Figure, not the Form; yes, thou ignorant Block- head, this is the Way you muſt talk, and this is the Term that Ariſtotle expreſſes in the Chapter of Qualities. [Looking back. Sir Toby. Is this all? -why I thought you had loft all you have in the World; don't mind this, think no more on't, Doćtor. Bellm. I am ſo mad I hardly know myſelf. Sir Toby. Oh! lay afide the Form and Figure of the Hat, I have ſomething elſe to communicate to you, I— Bellm. Impertinent Blockhead. [Looking back. Sir Toby. Pray, Sir, contain yourſelf, I- Bellm. Ignorant ! Sir Toby. Oh gad! I- Bellm. To pretend to hold an Argument of this Kind. Sir Toby. He is in the wrong indeed,-I- Bellm. Expreſsly an Opinion condemned by Ariftotle. Sir Toby. Yes, you are in the right, and he's a Fool, an impudent Fellow to pretend to argue with a Doctor of your Knowledge, but there's an End of that Matter: I defire you to hear me; I am come to confult you about an Affair that troubles me a little; I have a Deſign to take me a Wife to keep me Company; the Perſon, d'ye fee, is handſome, well fhap'd, and I like her very well, and ſhe 4 VOL. II. C is 50 LOVE'S CONTRIVANCE: Or, is over-joy'd to marry me, and her Father has given me his Conſent; but I'm afraid of you know what, the com- mon Misfortune that attends married Men; ſo that I wou'd defire you as a wiſe Man, and gifted with Know- ledge of the Stars, to tell me your Opinion, and give me your Advice upon it. Bellm. Rather than it ſhall be allow'd to be the Form of a Hat, I'd fooner allow datur vacuum in rerum natura, or that I am an Aſs. Sir Toby. Plague on this Man. [Afide.] Pray, Doctor, hear People a little when they ſpeak to you; I have been a talking to you this Hour, and you don't answer me one Word to the Purpoſe. Bellm. I beg your Pardon, I have fuch Reafon to be angry, that I'm not myſelf yet. Sir Toby. Pho-let all that alone, and pray hear me. Bellm. Well, I will,-pray what wou'd you ſay to me? Sir Toby. I wou'd ſpeak to you about ſome ſerious Buſineſs. Bellm. What Tongue wou'd you uſe with me? Sir Toby. What Tongue! Bellm. Ay. Sir Toby. Why the Tongue I have in my Head, I ſhan't borrow my Neighbour's. Bellm. Ay, but what Idiom, what Language I mean? Sir Toby. Ho, that's another thing. Bellm. Will you talk to me in Italian? Sir Toby. No. Bellm. In Spaniſh? Sir Toby. No. Bellm. In High-Dutch? Sir Toby. No. Bellm. In French? Sir Toby. No. Bellm. Latin? Sir Toby. No. Bellm. Greek? Sir Toby. No. Bellm. Hebrew? Sir Toby. No. Bellm. In Syriac? Sir Toby. No. Bellm. In Turkiſh? Sir Toby. No. Bell m. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 5 I Bellm. Arabick? very well. Then Sir Toby. No, no, no, no, Engliſh. Bellm. Ho! in Engliſh come on t'other Side, for this Ear is kept only for Stran- gers, and the other for our Mother Tongue. Sir Toby. Here's a great deal of Ceremony with theſe People. [Afide. Bellm. Well, what would you aſk now? Sir Toby. I told you before, Sir, but I perceive you did not mind me, why I wou'd confult you upon a little Dif- Ι ficulty. Bellm. A Difficulty in Philoſophy without Doubt. Sir Toby. Excuſe me, I Bellm. Perhaps you wou'd know if the Subſtance and Accident, are Terms fynonimous or equivocal, in regard of their Being. Sir Toby. Not at all, I wou'd- Bellm. If Logick be an Art or Science. Sir Toby. No nor that, I Bellm. Whether it has three Operations of the Mind, or the third only. Sir Toby. No, I Bellm. If there is ten Categories, or if there be but one. Sir Toby. Neither, I- Bellm. If the Conclufion be of the Effence, or of the Syllogifm. Sir Toby. No, no, no, no. Bellm. If the Good be reciprocal with the End. Sir Toby. Zouns, no- [Stamps. Bellm. If the End can move us by a real Being, or by an intentional Being. Sir Toby. No, no; by the Devil and all his Imps, no. Bellm. Why then explain your Mind, for I can't gueſs it. Sir Toby. So I will explain myſelf, but you won't hear me. I tell you I have a Mind to marry, I have her Fa- ther's Confent and hers too, but I'm afraid Bellm. Words be given to Man to explain his Mind, the Mind is the Picture of Things, as our Words are the Pictures of our Meaning; but theſe Pictures differ from all other Pictures, infomuch as other Pictures are diftinguiſh'd by their Originals; and the Word keeps in itſelf the ori- ginal Being, that it is nothing elſe but the Mind ex- C 2 plained 52 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, plained by fome exterior Sign or Motion; whence it comes that thoſe who think well talk the better; explain then your Mind by your Words, which is the moſt intelligible of all the Signs. Sir Toby. A Pox take you and all your Signs and Fi- gures; get in and be damn'd, get in. Enter Octavio. [Pushes him in. [Afide. Oct. Ha, ha, ha. Sir Toby. Oh! Mr. Octavio, are you come? Pox take your learned Man here, he won't hear one Word a Man has to ſay to him; I never was fo plagu'd in all my Life, phugh, [Walks about in a Heat. Oct. I just heard his Character, Sir Toby, and came to your Relief; faith I had but ſmall Acquaintance with him, as I told you before, only coming over in the fame Ship with him but I have heard of another, a very ſober dif- creet Perfon, they fay, if you pleaſe you may conſult him, he lodges at the Sign of the Globe in the next Street; I have a little Buſineſs at preſent, or I'd wait on you, Sir Toby, I hope you'll excufe me. [Exit. Sir Toby. Sir, your Servant.-A Pox on this Fellow, I ſhan't be myſelf again this Hour, yet I'm refolv'd to hear what t'other fays; for if there is any Poffibility of eſcaping Cuckoldom, I wou'd marry this Girl. [Exit. Re-enter Octavio and Bellmie. Oct. Excellently well performed, Bellmie; why you cant learnedly, and wou'd make an admirable Fortune- teller, ha! thou'rt an handſome Fellow, and wou'd have all the Ladies Cuſtoms. Bellm. Pox take this old Dog, he has put me quite out of Breath, I had much ado to forbear laughing. Oct. Nor I; but come let's confider who fhall perfonate the other learned Man; what think you of doing it yourſelf? Bellm. With all my Heart. Oct. You muſt alter your Drefs then, and repreſent a Man whoſe Temper and Principles are juſt oppoſite to all you did juſt now; ſeem to doubt every thing, and be pofitive in nothing, d'ye hear? Bellm. I'll warrant you, let me alone for croſs Purpoſes. Oct. Come, you muſt about it immediately; in the mean time I'll go and tell Mr. Selfwill, Sir Toby wou'd ípeak with him at the Globe; I'll be fure to get him abroad, then do as we agreed on. [Exeunt. The Le Medecin malgre Lui. 53 The SCENE Selfwill's Houfe. Enter Selfwill, Lucinda, and Belliza. Self. I can't imagine where Sir Toby is gone, I wonder he ſhou'd go out of the Way, when he knew I was gone for the Parfon. Bell. It is not very civil truly. Luc. I hope he'll never come again. Enter Octavio. [Afide. Oct. Ladies, your humble Servant. Mr. Selfwill, Sir Toby humbly begs your Pardon, he met with fome Friends that detained him againſt his Will at the Globe, where he defires you'd meet him; and he alſo begs the Favour of this Lady to give me leave to wait on her to the Church, where he'll meet her inſtantly; for what Reaſon I know not, but he ſays he's refolved not to be married out of a Church, which I believe was the Cauſe of his going away. Self. Nay, if that be all, with all my Heart. Oct. 'Tis to Bellmie, Madam, I conduct you. [Afide. Self. D'ye hear, Daughter, let Mr. Octavio wait on you, as Sir Toby defires: Niece, you'll bear her Company, and ſee her given away. Bell. But not to the Man you expect, Uncle. [Afide. Self. Mr. Octavio your Servant. [Exit. Oct. Sir, yours. Now, Madam, if Fortune favours us, Bellmie will be happy. [Turning to Belliza.] Madam have you no Charity, how long muft I ferve ere you re- ward my Service? Bell. Serve me, Sir! this is the firſt Moment I knew I had ſuch a Servant; I fhall obferve with what Diligence you officiate for the future. Oct. For the future! ods life, Madam, what do you mean? If you knew my Conſtitution half ſo well as I do, you'd reward me preſently; for I have ſerv'd already, in my Opinion, a Patriarch's Apprenticeſhip. Bell. Nay, if your Account runs ſo ſwiftly, I'm afraid you'll forget you e'er ferv'd at all. Oct. No, Nadam, bind me faſt in Marriage-Bonds, and I ſhall become as errant a Huſband as you'd wiſh. Luc. The Gentleman promiſes fair, Coufin; pray try him. Bell. Firſt let me fee you difpofed of, what that may put into my Head I know not, but I'll promiſe nothing. Oct. But perform, I hope, as much as thoſe that do ; C 3 I'll 54 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, I'll ſtill hope the beſt: Come, Ladies, my Friend will be impatient. [Exeunt. SCENE the Globe. Enter Bellmie on one Side, and Sir Toby on the other. Sir Toby. Doctor, your Servant. Bellm. Sir, your very humble Servant; pray what is your Bufinefs? Sir Toby. Ay, this Man is fomething like, he'll give one leave to ſpeak. [Afide.] I am come, Doctor. Bellm. Hold, Sir, change, if you pleafe, your Way of talking; our Philofophy teaches never to be pofitive in any thing, always fufpend your Judgment.-By that Rule you muft not ſay you are come, but you believe you are come. Sir Toby. Believe I am come? Bellm. Yes. Sir Toby. I muſt believe it becauſe it is fo. Bellm. That is not the Confequence, you may believe it to be ſo, tho' the thing is not true. Sir Toby. How! what, is it not true that I am come? Bellm. That's uncertain, and we are to doubt of anything. Sir Toby. What! am I here, and don't you talk to me? Bellm. I believe you are there, and I think I talk to you, but am not certain of it. Sir Toby. What the Devil, do ye banter me? I am here, and I ſee you there plain enough, yet there's no Belief in it. Pray let all theſe Whims alone, and let us talk of our Buſineſs, I come to tell you I have a mind to marry. Bellm. I don't know that. Sir Toby. Why but I tell you. Bellm. That may be. Sir Toby. And the Lady I defign for my Wife is young and handſome. Bellm. That's not impoffible. Sir Toby. Shall I do well or ill to marry her? Bellm. One or the other. Sir Toby. Ha! here's another Rogue now. [Afide.] I afk you if I fhall do well to marry that Lady? Bellm. According as it proves. Sir Toby. Shall I do ill? Bellm. Peradventure. Sir Toby. Pray, Sir, anfwer me as you fhou'd do. Bellm. 'Tis my Defign. Sir Toby Le Medecin malgre Lui. 55 Sir Toby. I have a great Inclination for the Maid. Bellm. Not unlikely. Sir Toby. I have her Father's Confent. Bellm. It may be ſo. Sir Toby. But in marrying her I'm afraid of being a Cuckold. Bellm. It may be done. Sir Toby. May it fo, Sir? Bellm. There's no Impoffibility. Sir Toby. Did ever any body hear fuch a cautious Dog? [Aide.] But what wou'd you do, if you were in my Place? Bellm. I don't know. Sir Toby. What wou'd you counſel me to do? Bellm. What you pleaſe. Sir Toby. You'll make me mad. Bellm. I waſh my Hands of it. Sir Toby. The Devil take him. [Looking angrily. [Afide. Bellm. Look'e Sir, what will happen, will happen. Sir Toby. Pox on this Dog, I'll make you change your Note, I'll warrant you. [Beats him.] There's for your Nonſenſe, now, I'm fatisfied. Bellm. What Inſolence is this, to ſtrike a Philoſopher, a Man of Learning as I am? Sir Toby. Pray, good Doctor, change your Way of talking, you muſt not be poſitive in any thing, you muſt not ſay I beat you, the moſt you can ſay, is that you believe I beat you. Bellm. I'll inſtantly make my Complaint to a Juſtice I'll have Satisfaction for the Blows I received. Sir Toby. I wash my Hands on't. Bellm. I have the Marks upon my Shoulders. Sir Toby. That may be. Bellm. 'Tis you have given me 'em. Sir Toby. That's not impoffible. Bellm. I fhall have a Warrant for you. Sir Toby. I know nothing of the Matter. Bellm. And you ſhall make me Satisfaction, or go to Prifon. [Exit. Sir. Toby. What will happen, will happen. Ha, ha, ha, Bellm. Ay, let me alone with you. Sir Toby. The Devil go with you and all fuch confound- ed Dogs, one can't get one Word pofitive from 'em; a C 4 little 56 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE: Or, little canting Nonſenſe, what a Pox do they pretend to Learning for? I knew as much before I came as I do now; what fhall I do in this Incertitude? If I marry I shall cer- tainly be a Cuckold, and my Children Baftards.-There muſt be ſomething in theſe Fellows Shufflings, for burn 'em they are wife Men when one has faid all; and therefore they certainly know I fhall be a Cuckold if I marry, but are afraid to tell me fo; therefore I will not marry I am refolved, and fo I'll go and tell Mr. Selfwill. Ha! what, is he come to aſk Advice too? Enter Selfwill. Sir Toby. Mr. Selfwill your humble Servant, what do you do here? Self. Why did you not fend for me Sir Toby? ! Sir Toby. Not I, Sir. Self. What did you not fend Octavio for me, and or- der'd him to wait on my Daughter to Church, where you'd meet her. Sir Toby. Upon my Faith, not I. I was juſt a coming to tell you I have already altered my Deſign of Marriage, my years do not fuit with Matrimony; and therefore I defire you to difpofe of your Daughter to whom you pleaſe; I beg your Pardon, but won't marry I'm reſolved. Self. How! how's this, Sir Toby! Do you make a Fool of my Daughter? ? Sir Toby. Not I, Mr. Selfwill,- nor do I defign your Daughter fhall make a Cuckold of me— [Afide. Self. What do you mean by faying you won't marry Sir Toby. Juft as I fay, I mean,--I will not marry I tell you. Self. Did you not fend for me, ſay you?- Sir Toby. No, Sir. Self. Nor for my Daughter? Sir Toby. Neither. Self. O Lord! I'm ruin'd, undone. [Stamps.] Who is this Octavio? Sir Toby, you are a Knave, I doubt in my Confcience. I believe you have pretended Love to my Daughter all this while, only to put a trick upon me. Sir Toby. Have a care what you fay, Mr. Selfwill; egad I won't take an Affront. [Holds up his Cane. Enter Bellmie, Octavio, Lucinda and Belliza. Oct. Hold, Gentlemen, I hope you are not in earneſt Sir Toby, I have brought your Bride. Ha, ha, ha ! Sir Toby. Le Medecin malgre Lui. 57 Sir Toby. She fhall be your Bride if you will, Sir. Oct. Here's a Gentleman has a better Title to her. Bellm. and Luc. Your Bleffing, Sir. [To Selfwill kneeling. Self. What the Devil! you are not married, are you? Oct. 'Tis even fo, Mr. Selfwill. Self. Why then take her, but not a Groat of mine along with her, I'll promife you that; there's five hun- dred a Year her Grandmother left her, which I can't hin- der her of, I wish I cou'd, you ſhou'd ſtarve together. Sir Toby. Tal, dera, dal, dal, dal; I'm glad I'm ſhut of her, for if ſhe cou'd fteal a Huſband, ſhe'd have ſtole the Devil and all of Gallants. [Afide.] But I thought, Mr. Octavio, you was my Friend. Oct. So I am, Sir Toby; did I not tell you from the. firſt, Marriage wou'd not agree with your Years? ha! Sir Toby. 'Tis very true, Sir, and I thank you for your Care. Oct. Mr. Selfwill, Uncle I mean, give me your Hand, and let's be Friends. Self. Uncle! why what, my Daughter did not ſet your Chops a watering too, did the Niece, ha? I wish you much Joy, if there can come any fuch thing from the Sex, for I'm in doubt if there can or no; ſhe has a good For- tune, as long as that laſts you may live well enough, and when 'tis ſpent there's Hedges and Barns in the Country; hang, drown, or ſtarve, I care not. [Exit. Oct. and Bellm. Ha, ha, ha ! Bellm. Come, my Dear, -in me You fhall both Father, Friend, and Huſband find, I ne'er can want of ought while you are kind. Enter Martin and his Wife. Mart. Sir, I have brought the Muſic. Bellm. That's well, we'll have a Dance however; but firſt let me beg one Favour of you, Sir Toby. Sir Toby. What's that, Sir? Bellm. Only to forgive this Fellow, and make one in our Diverfion. Sir Toby. Forgive him! why I don't know him. Mart. Not my Perfon perhaps, Sir Toby, but my Parts you do. I am he that fold you Oranges, Maſter; likewiſe the Doctor that reflor'd this young Lady to her Speech; and this Gentleman, [Pointing to Bellmie] by my Ad- vice 58 LOVE's CONTRIVANCE. Saure vice perfonated the two famous Aftrologers of whom you enquired your Fortune, whether or no you ſhould be a Cuckold, Mafter; do you know us now, Sir? Omnes. Ha, ha, ha, ha ! Sir Toby. A thorough pac'd Rogue,—Why what an Aſs have I been made on! [Afide] Hark'e, Sirrah, don't you expect to be hang'd, ye Dog? Mart. I am married, Sir. Sir Toby. You are married! why then, may the Curſe of Cuckoldom light on thee, or what's worſe, the Fear of it. Good-by to you all. [Exit. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha, ha ! [All laugh. Bellm. Well, Martin, your Wife and you ſhall live with me for the future, but you ſhall beat her no more. Wife. Nay, I'm pretty even with him, Sir, for I put him off for a Doctor, and got him well drub'd into the Bargain. Oct. A very cunning Stratagem: but come, let the Di- verfion begin. SONG. By Mr. Leveridge. I. SUE to Calia for the Favour, Why shou'd poor deluded Man, As if he were fole Receiver, Return no Bliss again? 2. Were not Love condemn'd to Blindneſs Quickly he wou'd find, Tho' to him fhe feign the Kindness, She's to herself most kind. 3. Let us banish then the Fashion, And be refolutely brave, Since it is their Inclination Let 'em afk before they have. Oct. Come, my Belliza, you fhall find tho' I have hi- therto talked wildly, that I love in earneſt. My Study ſhall be ſtill for your Content, Give me but Love, you never ſhall repent. THE THE BUSY BODY. A COMEDY. Quem tulit ad fcenam ventofo Gloria curru, Exanimat lentus Spectator, fedulus inflat. Sic Leve, fic parvum eft, animum quod laudis avarum Subruit aut reficit- Horat. Epift. Lib. II. Ep. 1. PROLOGUE. TH By the Author of Tunbridge-Walks. HO' modern Prophets were expos'd of late, The Author cou'd not prophefy his Fate: If with fuch Scenes an Audience had been fir'd, The Poet must have really been inspir'd. But thefe, alas! are melancholy Days For modern Prophets, and for modern Plays. Yet fince Prophetic Lies pleafe Fools of Fashion, And Women are fo fond of Agitation; To Men of Senfe I'll prophesy anew, And tell you wondrous Things that will prove true: Undaunted Colonels will to Čamps repair, Affur'd there'll be no Skirmishes this Year On our own Terms will flow the wish'd-for Peace, All Wars, except 'twixt Man and Wife fhall cease. The grand Monarch may wish his Son a Throne, But hardly will advance to lose his own. This Seafon moft Things bear a fmiling Face; But Play'rs in Summer have a difmal Cafe, Since your Appearance only is our Aft of Grace. Court Ladies will to Country Seats be gone, My Lord can't all the Year live great in Town; Where, wanting Opera's, Baffet, and a Play, They'll figh, and stitch a Gown to pass the Time away. Gay City-Wives at Tunbridge will appear, Whofe Hufbands long have labour'd for an Heir; Where many a Courtier may their Wants relieve; But by the Waters only they conceive. The Fleet-ſtreet Sempftrefs-Toast of Temple Sparks, That runs fpruce Neckcloths for Attorneys Clerks; At Cupid's Gardens will her Hours regale, Sing fair Dorinda, and drink bottled Ale. At all Affemblies Rakes are up and down, And Gamefters where they think they are not known. Show'd I denounce our Author's Fate to-day, To cry down Prophecies, you'd damn the Play; Yet Whims like thefe have ſometimes made you laugh, 'Tis Tattling all like Ifaac Bickerſtaff. Since War and Places claim the Bards that write, Be kind, and bear a Woman's Treat to-night; Let your Indulgence all her Fears allay, And none but Women-Haters damn this Play. EPI- IN EPILOGUE. me you fee one Bufy Body more; Though you may have enough of one before. With Epilogues, the Buſy Body's Way, We strive to help, but fometimes mar a Play. At this mad Seffions, half condemn'd ere try'd, Some, in three Days have been turn'd off, and died. In spite of Parties, their Attempts are vain, For, like falfe Prophets, they ne'er rife again. Too late, when caft, your Favour one befeeches, And Epilogues prove Execution-Speeches. Yet fure I Spy no Bufy Bodies here, And one may pass, fince they do ev'ry where. Sour Criticks Time, and Breath and Cenfures waſte, And baulk your Pleaſure to refine your Tafte, One bufy Don ill-tim'd high Tenets preaches, Another yearly shows himself in Speeches. Some fnivelling Cits would have a Peace for ſpite, To starve thofe Warriors who fo bravely fight; Still of a Foe upon his Knees afraid, Whofe well-bang'dTroops want Money, Heart and Bread. Old Beaux, who none, not ev'n themſelves can pleaſe, Are bufy fill, for nothing -but to teize. The Young, fo busy to engage a Heart, The Mischief done, are buſy moſt to part. Ungrateful Wretches, who ſtill crofs one's Will, When they more kindly might be busy ftill. One to a Hufband, who ne'er dreamt of Horns, Shows how dear Spouſe with Friend his Brows adorns. Th' officious Tell-tale Fool, (he fhou'd repent it) Parts three kind Souls that liv'd at Peace contented. Some with Law-Quirks Jet Houſes by the Ears, With Phyfick one what he would heal impairs; Like that dark mob'd-up Fry, that Neighb'ring Curſe, Who to remove Love's Pains bestow a worse. Since then this meddling Tribe infeft the Age, Bear one awhile expos'd upon the Stage: Let none but Buſy Bodies vent their Spight, And with good-humour, Pleasure crown the Night. Dramatis Dramatis Perfonæ. MEN. Sir George Airy, a Gentleman of Four Thouſand a Year, in Love with Mi-Mr. Wilks. randa, Sir Francis Gripe, Guardian to Miranda` and Marplot, Father to Charles, in Mr. Eftcourt. Love with Miranda, Charles, Friend to Sir George, in Love Sir Jealous Traffick, a Merchant that Mr. Mills. had liv'd fome Time in Spain, a great Mr. Bullock. Admirer of the Spanish Cuſtoms, Father to Ifabinda, Marplot, a fort of a filly Fellow, cow- ardly, but very inquifitive to know every body's Buſineſs, generally Mr. Pack. ſpoils all he undertakes, yet without Deſign, Whisper, Servant to Charles, Mr. Bullock, jun. WOMEN. Miranda, an Heirefs, worth Thirty Thouſand Pounds, really in Love with Sir George, but pretends to be ſo with her Guardian Sir Francis, Ifabinda, Daughter to Sir Jealous, in Love with Charles, but defign'd for Mrs. Crofs. a Spanish Merchant by her Father, Mrs. Rogers. and kept up from the Sight of all Men, Patch, her Woman, Scentwell, Woman to Miranda, Mrs. Saunders. Mrs. Mills. THE BUSY BODY. ACT I. Cha. SCENE the Park. Sir George Airy meeting Charles. H A! Sir George Airy! A Birding thus early! What forbidden Game rous'd you fo foon? For no lawful Occafion cou'd invite a Perfon of your Figure abroad at ſuch unfaſhionable Hours. Sir Geo. There are ſome Men, Charles, whom Fortune has left free from Inquietude, who are diligently ftudious to find out Ways and Means to make themſelves uneaſy. Cha. Is it poſſible that any thing in Nature can ruffle the Temper of a Man, whom the four Seaſons of the Year compliment with as many Thouſand Pounds; nay, and a Father at reft with his Anceſtors? * Sir Geo. Why there 'tis now! a Man that wants Money thinks none can be unhappy that has it; but my Affairs are in fuch a whimſical Poſture, that it will require a Cal- culation of my Nativity to find if my Gold will relieve me, or not. Cha. Ha, ha, ha! never confult the Stars about that; Gold has a Power beyond them; Gold unlocks the Mid- night Councils; Gold outdoes the Wind, becalms the Ship, or fills her Sails; Gold is omnipotent below; it makes whole Armies fight or fly; it buys even Souls, and bribes the Wretches to betray their country: Then what can the Buſineſs be, that Gold won't ferve thee in? Sir Geo. Why, I'm in Love. Cha. In Love !— -Ha, ha, ha, ha! in Love, Ha, ha, ha, with what, prithee? a Cherubim? Sir Geo. 64 The BUSY BODY. Sir Geo. No; with a Woman. Cha. A Woman, good; Ha, ha, ha! and Gold not help thee? Sir Geo. But ſuppoſe I'm in Love with two Cha. Ay, if thou'rt in Love with two hundred, Gold will fetch 'em, I warrant thee, Boy. But who are they ! who are they! come. Sir Geo. One is a Lady whofe Face I never faw, but witty as an Angel; the other beautiful as Venus- Cha. And a Fool- Sir Geo. For aught I know, for I never ſpoke to her, but you can inform me; I am charm'd for the Wit of one, and die for the Beauty of the other. Cha. And pray which are you in queft of now? Sir Geo. I prefer the Senſual Pleaſure; I'm for her I've ſeen, who is thy Father's Ward, Miranda. Cha. Nay then I pity you; for the Jew my Father, will no more part with her and 30000 Pounds, than he wou'd with a Guinea to keep me from ſtarving. Sir Geo. Now you fee Gold can't do every thing, Charles. Cha. Yes; for 'tis her Gold that bars my Father's Gate againſt you. Sir Geo. Why, if he is that avaricious Wretch, how cam'ſt thou by ſuch a liberal Education? Cha. Not a Soufe out of his Pocket, I affure you : I had an Uncle who defray'd that Charge, but for fome little Wildneffes of Youth, tho' he made me his Heir, left Dad my Guardian 'till I came to Years of Difcretion, which I preſume the old Gentleman will never think I am; and now he has got the Eſtate into his Clutches, it does me no more good than if it lay in Prefter-John's Domi- nions. Sir Geo. What, can't thou find no Stratagem to re- deem it? Cha. I have made many Effays to no Purpoſe: tho' Want, the Miſtreſs of Invention ftill tempts me on, yet ftill the old Fox is too cunning for me- I am upon my laft Project, which if it fails, then for my laſt Refuge, a brown Muſquet. Sir Geo. What is't? can I affift thee? Cha. The BUSY BODY. 65 Cha. Not yet; when you can, I have Confidence enough in you to aſk it. Sir Geo. I am always ready, but what does he intend to do with Miranda? is fhe to be fold in private? Or will he put her up by Way of Auction, at who bids moft? If fo, egad I'm for him; my Gold, as you ſay, ſhall be ſubſervient to my Pleaſure. Cha. To deal ingenuouſly with you, Sir George, I know very little of her, or Home; for fince my Uncle's Death, and my Return from Travel, I have never been well with my Father; he thinks my Expences too great, and I his Allowance too little; he never ſees me, but he quarrels; and to avoid that, I fhun his Houſe as much as poffible. The Report is, he intends to marry her himſelf. Sir Geo. Can fhe conſent to it? Cha. Yes, faith, fo they fay; but I tell you I am wholly ignorant of the Matter. Miranda and I are like two violent Members of a contrary Party; I can fcarce allow her Beauty, tho' all the World does; nor fhe me Civility, for that Contempt: I fancy ſhe plays the Mo- ther-in-law already, and ſets the old Gentleman on to do Miſchief. Sir Geo. Then I've your free Confent to get her. Cha. Ay, and my helping Hand if Occaſion be. Sir Geo. Pugh, yonder's a Fool coming this Way, let's. avoid him. Cha. What, Marplot? no, no, he's my Inftrument ; there's a thouſand Conveniences in him; he'll lend me his Money, when he has any, run of my Errands, and be proud on't; in ſhort, he'll pimp for me, lye for me, drink for me, do any thing but fight for me, and that I truſt to my own Arm for. Sir Geo. Nay, then he's to be endur'd; I never knew his Qualifications before. Enter Marplot with a Patch cross his Face. Marpl. Dear Charles, yours- -Ha! Sir George Airy, the Man in the world, I have an Ambition to be known to. [Afide.] Give me thy Hand dear Boy Cha. A good Affurance! But hark ye, how came your beautiful Countenance clouded in the wrong Place? Marpl. I muft confeſs 'tis a little mal-a-propos, but no 5 VOL. II. matter 66 The BUSY BODY. [ matter for that; a Word with you, Charles: Prithee, in- troduce me to Sir George- he is a Man of Wit, and I'd give ten Guineas to Cha. When you have 'em, you mean. Marpl. Ay, when I have 'em; pugh, Pox you cut the Thread of my Difcourfe I wou'd give ten Guineas, I fay, to be rank'd in his Acquaintance: Well, 'tis a vaſt Addition to a Man's Fortune, according to the Rout of the World, to be ſeen in the Company of leading Men; for then we are all thought to be Politicians, or Whigs, or Jacks, or High-Flyers, or Low-Flyers, or Levellers- and fo forth; for you muſt know, we all herd in Parties now. Cha. Then a Fool for Diverfion is out of Faſhion, I find. Marpl. Yes, without it be a mimicking Fool, and they are Darlings every where; but prithee, introduce me. Cha. Well, on Condition you'll give us a true Account how you come by that mourning Nofe, I will. Marpl. I'll do it. Cha. Sir George here's a Gentleman has a paſſionate Defire to kifs your Hand. Sir Geo. Oh, I honour Men of the Sword, and I pre- fume this Gentleman is lately come from Spain or Por- tugal- -by his Scars. Marpl. No, really, Sir George, mine fprung from civil Fury: Happening laſt Night into the Groom-Porter's- I had a ftrong Inclination to go ten Guineas with a fort of a, fort of a -Kind of a Milk-Sop as I thought: A Pox of the Dice he flung out, and my Pockets being empty, as Charles knows they often are, he prov'd a furly North- Briton, and broke my Face for my Deficiency. Sir Geo. Ha ha! and did not you draw? Marpl. Draw, Sir ! why I did but lay my Hand upon my Sword, to make a ſwift Retreat, and he roar'd out, Now the Deel a ma Sol, Sir, gin ye touch yer Steel, Iſe whip mine through yer Wem. Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! Cha. Ha, ha, ha, ha! fafe was the Word, ſo you walk'd off, I fuppoſe. Ι Marpl. Yes; for I avoid fighting, purely to be fer- viceable to my Friends, you know- Sir Geo. The BUSY 67 BODY. Sir Geo. Your Friends are much oblig'd to you, Sir; I hope you'll rank me in that Number. Marpl. Sir George, a Bow from the Side-Box, or to be feen in your Chariot, binds me ever yours. Sir Geo. Trifles; you may command 'em when you pleaſe. Cha. Provided he may command you- Marpl. Me! why I live for no other Purpoſe- -Sir George, I have the Honour to be carefs'd by moſt of the reigning Toaſts of the Town; I'll tell 'em you are the fineſt Gentleman- Sir Geo. No, no, prithee let me alone to tell the La- dies -my Parts- can you convey a Letter upon Occa- fion, or deliver a Meſſage with an Air of Buſineſs, ha? Marpl. With the Aſſurance of a Page, and the Gravity of a Stateſman. Sir Geo. You know Miranda! Marpl. What, my Sifter Ward? Why, her Guardian is mine, we are Fellow Sufferers: Ah! he is a covetous, cheating, fanctify'd Curmudgeon; that Sir Francis Gripe is a damn'd old Cha. I fuppofe, Friend, you forget that he is my Fa- ther- Marpl. I aſk your Pardon, Charles; but it is for your Sake I hate him. Well, I ſay, the World is miſtaken in him, his Outſide Piety makes him every Man's Executor; and his Infide Cunning makes him every Heir's Jaylor. Egad, Charles, I'm half perfuaded that thou'rt fome Ward too, and never of his getting for thou art as honeft a Debauchee as ever cuckolded Man of Quality. Sir Geo. A pleaſant Fellow. Cha. The Dog is diverting fometimes, or there wou'd be no enduring his Impertinence. He is preffing to be employ'd, and willing to execute, but fome ill Fate gene- rally attends all he undertakes, and he oftener ſpoils an Intrigue than helps it- Marpl. If I miſcarry, 'tis none of my Fault, I follow my Inftructions. Cha. Yes; witneſs the Merchant's Wife. Marpl. Pifh, Pox, that was an Accident. Sir Geo. What was it, prithee? Cha. Why you muſt know, I had lent a certain Mer- chant 68 The BUSY BODY. chant my hunting Horfes, and was to have met his Wife in his Abſence: Sending him along with my Groom to make the Compliment, and to deliver a Letter to the Lady at the fame Time; what does he do, but gives the Huſband the Letter, and offers her the Horſes. Marpl. I remember you was even with me, for you deny'd the Letter to be yours, and fwore I had a Deſign upon her, which my Bones paid for. Cha. Come, Sir George, let's walk round, if you are not engag'd; for I have fent my Man upon a little earneſt Buſineſs, and I have ordered him to bring me the Anſwer into the Park. Marpl. Buſineſs, and I not know it! Egad I'll watch him. Sir Geo. I muft beg your Pardon, Charles, I am to meet your Father. Cha. My Father! Sir Geo. Ay! And about the oddeft Bargain perhaps you ever heard of; but I'll not impart till I know the Succefs. Marpl. What can his Buſineſs be with Sir Francis? Now would I give all the World to know it? why the Devil fhould not one know every Man's Concern! [Afide. Cha. Proſperity to't whate'er it be. I have private Af- fairs too; over a Bottle we'll compare Notes. Marpl. Charles knows I love a Glafs as well as any Man, I'll make one: fhall it be to-night? Ad I long to know their Secrets. [Afide. Enter Whiſper. Whiſp. Sir, Sir, Mrs. Patch says Ifabinda's Spanish Father has quite fpoil'd the Plot, and ſhe can't meet you in the Park, but he infallibly will go out this Afternoon, ſhe ſays; but I muſt ſtep again to know the Hour. Marpl. What did Whisper ſay now? I fhall go ſtark mad, if I'm not let into the Secret. [Afide. Cha. Curft Misfortune! come along with me, my Heart feels Pleaſure at her Name. Sir George, yours we'll meet at the old Place the ufual Hour. Sir Geo. Agreed; I think I fee Sir Francis yonder.[Exit. Cha. Marplot, you muſt excuſe me, I am engag'd. [Exit. Marpl. Engag'd! Egad I'll engage my Life I'll know what your Engagement is. Miran. The BUSY BODY. 69 Miran. [Coming out of a Chair.] Let the Chair wait : My Servant that dodg'd Sir George, faid he was in the Park. Enter Patch. Ha! Mifs Patch alone! Did not you tell me you had contriv'd a Way to bring Iſabinda to the Park? Patch. Oh, Madam, your Ladyſhip can't imagine what a wretched Diſappointment we have met with: Juſt as I had fetch'd a Suit of my Cloaths for a Diſguiſe, comes my old Maſter into his Cloſet, which is right againſt her Chamber-Door; this ftruck us into a terrible Fright- At length I put on a grave Face, and aſk'd him if he was at leiſure for his Chocolate, in Hopes to draw him out of his Hole; but he fnap'd my Nofe off; No, I fhall be bufy here theſe two Hours. At which my poor Miſtreſs, ſeeing no Way of Eſcape, ordered me to wait on your Ladyship with the fad Relation. Miran. Unhappy Ifabinda! Was ever anything fo unaccountable as the Humour of Sir Jealous Traffick? Patch. Oh, Madam, its his living fo long in Spain; he vows he'll ſpend half his Eſtate, but he'll be a Parliament- Man, on Purpoſe to bring in a Bill for Women to wear Veils, and the other odious Spanish Cuſtoms- He ſwears it is the Height of Impudence to have a Woman feen bare-fac'd, even at Church, and ſcarce believes there's a true begotten Child in the City. Miran. Ha, ha, ha! how the old Fool torments him- felf! Suppofe he could introduce his rigid Rules- does he think we could not match them in Contrivance? No, no, let the Tyrant Man make what Laws he will, if there's a Woman under the Government, I warrant The finds a Way to break 'em : Is his Mind fet upon the Spaniard for his Son-in-law ftill ? Patch. Ay, and he expects him by the next Fleet, which drives his Daughter to Melancholy and Deſpair : But, Madam, I find you retain the fame gay, chearful Spirit you had, when I waited on your Ladyſhip—My Lady is mighty good-humour'd too: and I have found a Way to make Sir Jealous believe I am wholly in his Intereſt, when my real Deſign is to ferve her; he makes me her Jaylor, and I fet her at Liberty. Miran. 70 The BUSY BODY. Miran. I knew thy prolifick Brain wou'd be of fingular Service to her, or I had not parted with thee to her Father. Patch. But, Madam, the Report is, that you are going to marry your Guardian. Miran. It is neceſſary ſuch a Report ſhould be, Patch. Patch. But is it true, Madam? Miran. That's not abſolutely neceffary. Patch. I thought it was only the old Strain, coaxing him ftill for your own, and railing at all the young Fel- lows about Town: In my Mind, now, you are as ill plagu'd with your Guardian, Madam, as my Lady is with her Father. Miran. No, I have Liberty, Wench, that ſhe wants; what would ſhe give now to be in this Diſabillée, in the -open Air; nay more, in purſuit of the young Fel- low fhe likes; for that's my Cafe, I affure you. Patch. As for that, Madam, fhe's even with you; for tho' fhe can't come abroad, we have a Way to bring him home in ſpight of old Argus. Miran. Now, Patch, your Opinion of my Choice, for here he comes -Ha! my Guardian with him : What can be the Meaning of this? I'm fure, Sir Francis can't know me in this Drefs- Let's obferve 'em. [They withdraw. Enter Sir Francis Gripe, and Sir George Airy. Sir Fran. Verily, Sir George, thou wilt repent throwing away thy Money fo; for I tell thee fincerely, Miranda, my Charge, does not love a young Fellow, they are all vicious, and ſeldom make good Huſbands; in fober Sad- nefs fhe cannot abide 'em. Miran. [Peeping.] In fober Sadneſs you are miſtaken -what can this mean? Sir Geo. Look ye, Sir Francis, whether ſhe can or can- not abide young Fellows, is not the Buſineſs; will you take the fifty Guineas? Sir Fran. In good Truth- I will not; for I knew thy Father, he was a hearty wary Man, and I cannot con- fent that his Son fhould fquander away what he fav'd to no Purpoſe. Miran. The BUSY BODY. 71 Miran. [Peeping.] Now, in the Name of Wonder, what Bargain can he be driving about me for fifty Guineas? Patch. I wish it ben't for the firſt Night's Lodging, Madam. Sir Geo. Well, Sir Francis, fince you are ſo confcien- tious for my Father's Sake, then permit me the Favour Gratis. Miran. [Peeping.] The Favour! O' my Life, I believe 'tis as you faid, Patch. Sir Fran. No verily, if thou doft not buy thy Experience, thou wilt never be wife; therefore give me a Hundred, and try Fortune. Sir Geo. The Scruples arofe, I find, from the ſcanty Sum- -a hundred Guineas- -Let me fee [Takes 'em out of a Purfe, and chinks 'em.] Ha! they have a very pretty Sound, and a very pleaſing Look-But then, Miranda- But if ſhe ſhould be cruel Miran. [Peeping.] As Ten to One I fhall- Sir Fran. Ay, do confider on't, He he, he, he. Sir Geo. No, I'll do't. Patch. Do't! what, whether you will or no, Madam ! Sir Geo. Come to the Point, here's the Gold, fum up the Condition- Sir Fran. [Pulling out a Paper.] Miran. [Peeping.] Ay, for Heaven's Sake do, for my Expectation is on the Rack. Sir Fran. Well, at your Peril be it. Sir Geo. Ay, ay, go on. Sir Fran. Imprimis, you are to be admitted into my Houſe, in order to move your Suit to Miranda, for the Space of ten Minutes, without Lett or Moleſtation, pro- vided I remain in the fame Room. Sir Geo. But out of Ear-ſhot. Sir Fran. Well, well; I don't deſire to hear what you ſay: Ha, ha, ha; in Confideration I am to have that Purſe and a hundred Guineas. Sir Geo. Take it [Gives him the Purfe. Miran. [Peeping.] So, 'tis well 'tis no worſe; I'll fit you both- Sir Geo. And this Agreement is to be performed to-day. Sir Fran. Ay, ay, the fooner the better. how Miranda and I fhall laugh at him- Poor Fool, -Well, Sir George, 72 The BUSY BODY. George, ha, ha, ha! take the laſt Sound of your Guineas. Ha, ha, ha! [Chinks 'em.] [Exit. Miran. [Peeping.] Sure he does not know I am Mi- randa. Sir Geo. A very extraordinary Bargain I have made truly, if ſhe ſhould be really in Love with this old Cuff Pfhah, that's morally impoffible, now -but then what Hopes have I to fucceed, I never ſpoke to her- Miran. [Peeping.] Say you fo? Then I am ſafe. Sir Geo. What tho' my Tongue never ſpoke, my Eyes ſaid a thouſand Things, and my Hopes flattered me her's anſwer'd 'em. If I'm lucky- -if not, it is but a hun- dred Guineas thrown away. [Miranda and Patch come forwards. Miran. Upon what, Sir George? Sir Geo. Ha! my Incognita- Madam. upon a Woman, Miran. They are the worst Things you can deal in, and damage the fooneft; your very Breath deſtroys 'em, and I fear you'll never fee your Return, Sir George, ha, ha. Sir Geo. Were they more brittle than China, and drop'd to Pieces with a Touch, every Atom of her I have ventur'd at, if ſhe is but Miſtreſs of my Wit, bal- lances ten times the Sum- Prithee let me fee thy Face. Miran. By no Means: that may ſpoil your Opinion of my Senfe- Sir Geo. Rather confirm it, Madam. Patch. So rob the Lady of your Gallantry, Sir. Sir Geo. No, Child, a Diſh of Chocolate in the Morn- ing never ſpoils my Dinner; the other Lady I deſign a Set-Meal; fo there's no Danger.- Miran. Matrimony! Ha, ha, ha! What Crimes have you committed againſt the God of Love that he ſhould revenge 'em fo feverely to ftamp Huſband upon your Forehead? Sir Geo. For my Folly, in having ſo often met you here, without purſuing the Laws of Nature, and exercising her Command-But I refolve, ere we part now, to know who you are,—where you live, and what Kind of Fleſh and The BUSY BODY. 73 and Blood your Face is; therefore unmaſk, and don't put me to the Trouble of doing it for you. Miran. My Face is the fame Fleſh and Blood with my Hand, Sir George, which if you'll be fo rude to provoke— Sir Geo. You'll apply it to my Cheek-——The Ladies Favours are always welcome; but I muſt have that Cloud withdrawn. [Taking hold of her.] Remember you are in the Park, Child, and what a terrible Thing would it be to loſe this pretty white Hand? Miran. And how will found in the Chocolate-Houſe, that Sir George Airy rudely pull'd off a Lady's Maſk, when he had given her his Honour that he never would directly or indirectly endeavour to know her till ſhe gave him leave? Patch. I wiſh we were ſafe out. Sir Geo. But if that Lady thinks fit to purſue and meet me at every turn, like fome troubled Spirit, fhall I be blam'd if I enquire into the Reality? I would have nothing diffatisfied in a Female Shape. Miran. What fhall I do? [Paufes. Sir Geo. Ay, prithee confider, for thou shalt find me very much at thy Service. Patch. Suppoſe, Sir, the Lady ſhould be in Love with you. Sir Geo. Oh! I'll return the Obligation in a Moment. Patch. And marry her? Sir Geo. Ha ha ha! that's not the Way to love her, Child. Let me fee. Miran. If he diſcovers me, I fhall die- way fhall I eſcape? Sir Geo. Well, Madam- -Which [Paufes. Miran. I have it-Sir George, 'tis fit you ſhould allow ſomething; if you'll excuſe my Face, and turn your Back (if you look upon me, I fhall fink, even maſk'd as I am) I will confeſs why I have engaged you ſo often, who I am, and where I live. Sir Geo. Well, to fhew you I'm a Man of Honour, I accept the Conditions. Let me but once know thoſe, and the Face won't be long a Secret to me. Patch. What mean you, Madam? Miran. To get off. Sir Geo. 'Tis fomething indecent to turn one's Back upon a Lady: but you command, and I obey. [Turns his Back.] Come, Madam, begin- D Miran. 74 The BUSY BODY. [Exit. Well, Miran. Firſt then it was my unhappy Lot to ſee you at Paris, [Draws back a little while and fpeaks.] at a Ball up- on a Birth Day; your Shape and Air Charm'd my Eyes; your Wit and Complaifance my Soul; and from that fatal Night I lov'd you. [Drawing back. And when you left the Place, Grief feiz'd me ſo, No Reft my Heart, no Sleep my Eyes cou'd know, Laft I refolv'd a hazardous Point to try, And quit the Place in fearch of Liberty. Sir Geo. Excellent- -I hope fhe's handfome- now, Madam, to the other two Things: Your Name, and where you live?——————I am a Gentleman, and this Confeſ- fion will not be loft upon me.-Nay, prithee don't weep, but go on for I find my Heart melts in thy Behalf- fpeak quickly, or I fhall turn about-Not yet-Poor Lady, ſhe expects I ſhould comfort her! and to do her Juftice, ſhe has ſaid enough to encourage me. [Turns about.] Ha! gone! the Devil, jilted! Why, what a Tale has the in- vented-of Paris, Balls, and Birth Days.-Egad I'd give ten Guineas to know who the Gipfie is-A curſe of my Folly I deferve to loſe her: What Woman can forgive a Man that turns his Back! The Bold and Refolute in Love and War, To conquer take the right and ſwifteſt Way: The boldeft Lover fooneft gains the Fair, As Courage makes the rudeft Force obey. Take no Denial, and the Dames adore ye, Clofely pursue them, and they fall before you. Sir Fran. ACT II. Enter Sir Francis Gripe, Miranda. H A, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Miran. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh I ſhall die with laughing-The moſt romantic Adventure; Ha, ha! What does the odious young Fop mean? A hundred Pieces to talk an Hour with me! Ha, ha! Sir Fran. And I am to be by too; there's the Jeft: Adod, if it had been in private, I ſhould not have car'd to truſt the young Dog. Miran. Indeed and indeed, but you might, Gardy— Now The BUSY BODY. 75 } Now methinks there's nobody handfomer than you: So neat, ſo clean, fo good-humour'd and fo loving- Sir Fran. Pretty Rogue, pretty Rogue; and fo thou ſhalt find me, if thou doft prefer thy Gardy before theſe Ca- perers of the Age; thou ſhalt outſhine the Queen's Box on an Opera Night; thou fhalt be the envy of the Ring (for I will carry thee to Hyde-Park) and thy Equipage fhall fur- paſs the- -what d'ye call 'em, Ambaſſadors. Miran. Nay, I am fure the diſcreet Part of my Sex will envy me more for the infide Furniture, when you are in it, than my outſide Equipage. Sir Fran. A cunning Baggage, i'faith thou art, and a wife one too and to fhew thee thou haft not choſe amiſs, I'll this Moment diſinherit my Son, and fettle my whole Eſtate upon thee. Miran. There's an old Rogue now: [Afide.] No Gardy, I would not have your Name be ſo black in the World- You know my Father's Will runs, that I am not to poſſeſs my Eſtate without your Conſent, till I'm five and twenty; you fhall only abate the odd feven Years, and make me Miſtreſs of my Eſtate to-day, and I'll make you Maſter of my Perſon to-morrow. Sir Fran. Humph! that may not be ſafe-No Chargy, I'll ſettle it upon thee for Pin-money; and that will be every bit as well, thou know'ft. Miran. Unconſcionable old Wretch, bribe me with my own Money-Which Way fhall I get it out of his Hands! [Afide.] Sir Fran. Well, what are thou thinking on, my Girl, ha? How to banter Sir George? Miran. I muft not pretend to banter; he knows my Tongue too well: [Afide.] No Gardy, I have thought of a Way will confound him more than all I cou'd fay if I ſhould talk to him feven Years. Sir Fran. How's that! Oh! I'm tranſported, I'm ra- viſh'd, I'm mad- Miran. It would make you mad if you knew all. [Afide. I'll not anſwer him a Word, but be dumb to all he ſays- Sir Fran. Dumb! good; Ha, ha, ha ! Excellent, ha, ha ! I think I have you now, Sir George; dumb! he'll go di- ftracted-Well, fhe's the wittieſt Rogue-Ha, ha? dumb! I can but laugh, ha, ha! to think how damn'd mad he'll D 2 be 76 BODY. The BUSY be when he finds he has given his Money away for a dumb Show. Ha, ha, ha! Miran. Nay, Gardy, if he did but know my Thoughts of him, it would make him ten times madder : ha, ha! Ha, Sir Fran. Ay, fo it wou'd, Chargy, to hold him in ſuch Derifion, to fcorn to anſwer him, to be dumb! Ha, ha, ha! Enter Charles. Sir Fran. How now Sirrah! Who let you in? Cha. My Neceffity, Sir. Sir Fran. Sir, your Neceffities are very impertinent,and ought to have ſent before they entered. Cha. Sir, I knew 'twas a Word wou'd gain admittance no where. Sir Fran. Then, Sirrah, how durft you rudely thruſt that upon your Father, which nobody elſe would admit? Cha. Sure the Name of a Son is a fufficient Plea. I aſk this Lady's Pardon if I have intruded. Sir Fran. Ay, ay, aſk her Pardon and her Bleſſing too, if you expect any thing from me. Miran. I believe yours, Sir Francis, in a Purſe of Gui- neas, would be more material. Your Son may have Buſi- neſs with you, I'll retire. Sir Fran. Í gueſs his Buſineſs, but I'll diſpatch him; I expect the Knight every Minute: You'll be in Readiness? Miran. Certainly! My Expectation is more upon the Wing than yours, old Gentleman. Sir Fran. Well Sir ! [Exit. Cha. Nay, it is very ill, Sir; my Circumſtances are, I'm fure. Sir Fran. And what's that to me, Sir; Your Manage- ment ſhou'd have made them better. Cha. If you pleaſe to entruſt me with the Management of my Eſtate, I ſhall endeavour it, Sir. Sir Fran. What, to ſet upon a Card, and buy a Lady's Favour at the Price of a thouſand Pieces, to rig out an Equipage for a Wench, or by your careleffneſs enrich your Steward to fine for Sheriff, or put up for Parliament- Man? Cha. I hope I fhould not ſpend it this Way: How- ever, I aſk only for what my Uncle left me; yours you may diſpoſe of as you pleaſe, Sir. Sir Fran The BUSY BODY. 77 Sir Fran. That I fhall, out of your Reach, I aſſure you, Sir. Adod theſe young Fellows think old Men get Eſtates for nothing but them to ſquander away, in Dicing, Wenching, Drinking, Dreffing, and fo forth. Cha. I think I was born a Gentleman, Sir! I'm fure my Uncle bred me like one. Sir Fran. From which you would infer, Sir, that `Gam- ing, Whoring, and the Pox, are Requiſites to a Gentleman. Cha. Monftrous! when I would ask him only for a Support, he falls into thefe unmannerly Reproaches; I muſt, tho' againſt my Will, employ Invention, and by Stratagem relieve myſelf. [Afide. Sir Fran. Sirrah, what is it you mutter Sirrah, ha? [Holds up his Cane.] I fay you ſhan't have a Groat out of my Hands till I pleaſe- -and may be I'll never pleaſe, and what's that to you? Cha. Nay, to be robb'd, or to have one's Throat cut, is not much- Sir Fran. What's that Sirrah? would ye rob me, or cut my Throat, ye Rogue? Cha. Heaven forbid, Sir,- I faid no fuch Thing. Sir Fran. Mercy on me! What a Plague it is to have a Son of one and twenty, who wants to elbow one out of one's Life to edge himſelf into the Eſtate! Enter Marplot. Marpl. Egad he's here- -I was afraid I had loft him : His Secret could not be with his Father, his Wants are public there-Guardian-your Servant Charles, I know by that forrowful Countenance of thine, the old Man's Fift is as cloſe as his ſtrong Box-But I'll help thee- Sir Fran. So: Here's another extravagant Coxcomb, that will ſpend his Fortune before he comes to't; but he ſhall pay fwinging Intereſt, and fo let the Fool go on- Well, what! does Neceffity bring you too Sir? Marpl. You have hit it, Guardian-I want a hundred Pounds. Sir Fran. For what? Marpl. Po'gh for a hundred Things: I can't for my Life tell you for what. Cha. Sir, I ſuppoſe I have received all the Anwſer I am like to have. D 3 Marpl. 78 BODY. The BUSY Marpl. Oh, the Devil, if he gets out before me, I ſhall lofe him again. Sir Fran. Ay, Sir, and you may be marching as ſoon as you pleaſe—I muſt ſee a Change in your Temper ere you find one in mine. Marpl. Pray, Sir, diſpatch me; the Money, Sir, I'm in mighty Haſte. Sir Fran. Fool, take this and go to the Caſhier; I ſhan't be long plagu'd with thee. [Gives him a Note. Marpl. Devil take the Caſhier, I fhall certainly have Charles gone out before I come back again. [Runs out. Cha. Well, Sir, I take my Leave-But remember, you expoſe an only Son to all the Miſeries of wretched Pover- ty, which too often lays the Plan for Scenes of Miſchief. Sir Fran. Stay Charles, I have a ſudden Thought come into my Head, may prove to thy Advantage. Cha. Ha, does he relent? Sir Fran.MyLady Wrinkle, worth forty thouſand Pounds, fets up for a handſome young Hufband; fhe prais'd thee t'other Day; tho' the Match-makers can get twenty Gui- neas for a Sight of her, I can introduce thee for nothing. Cha. My Lady Wrinkle, Sir! why ſhe has but one Eye. Sir Fran. Then ſhe'll fee but half your Extravagance, Sir. Cha. Condemn me to fuch a Piece of Deformity! Toothleſs, Dirty, Wry-neck'd, Hunch-back'd Hag. Sir Fran. Hunch-back'd! fo much the better, then fhe has a Reft for her Misfortunes; for thou wilt load her fwingingly. Now I warrant you think, this is no Offer of a Father; forty thouſand Pounds is nothing with you. Cha. Yes, Sir, I think it too much; a young beautiful Woman with half the Money wou'd be more agreeable. I thank you, Sir; but you choſe better for yourſelf, I find. Sir Fran. Out of my Doors, you Dog; you pretend to meddle with my Marriage, Siṛrah ! Cha. Sir, I obey- Sir Fran. But me no Buts-Be gone, Sir: Dare to aſk me for Money again- -Refuſe forty thouſand Pounds! Out of my Doors, I ſay, without Reply. [Exit Cha. Enter Servant. Serv. One Sir George Airy enquires for you, Sir. Enter Marplot running. Marpl. Ha! gone! Is Charles gone, Guardian ? Sir Fran. The BUSY BOD Y. 79 Sir Fran. Yes; and I defire your wife Worſhip to walk after him. Marpl. Nay, Egad, I ſhall run, I tell you but that. Ah! Pox of this Caſhier for detaining me fo long; where the Devil fhall I find him now? I fhall certainly loſe this Se- [Exit haftily. cret. Sir Fran. What, is the Fellow diſtracted?— Defire Sir. George to walk up-Now for a Trial of Skill that will make me happy, and him a Fool: Ha, ha, ha! in my Mind-he looks like an Aſs already. Enter Sir George. Sir Fran. Well, Sir George, do ye hold in the fame mind, or would you capitulate? Ha, ha, ha! Look, here are the Guineas. [Chinks 'em.] Ha, ha, ha ! Sir Geo. Not if they were twice the Sum, Sir Francis: Therefore be brief, call in the Lady, and take your Poſt- if fhe's a Woman, and not feduc'd by Witchcraft to this old Rogue, I'll make his Heart ake; for if ſhe has but one Grain of Inclination about her, I'll vary a thouſand Shapes but find it. [Afide. Sir Fran. Agreed- your Fortune. Enter Miranda. -Miranda, there's Sir George, try [Takes out his Watch. Sir Geo. So from the Eaſtern Chambers breaks the Sun, Difpels the Clouds, and gilds the Vales below. [Salutes her. Sir Fran. Hold, Sir, Kiffing was not in our Agreement. Sir Geo. Oh! that's by Way of Prologue :- old Mammon, to thy Poft. more. -Prithee, Sir Fran. Well, young Timon, 'tis now Four exactly; one Hour, remember, is your utmoft Limit, not a Minute [Retires to the Bottom of the Stage. Sir Geo. Madam, whether you'll excufe or blame my Love, the Author of this rafh Proceeding depends upon your Pleaſure, as alſo the Life of your Admirer! your ſparkling Eyes ſpeak a Heart ſuſceptible of Love; your Vivacity a Soul too delicate to admit the Embraces of decay'd Mortality. Miran. [Afide.] Oh! that I durſt ſpeak— Sir Geo. Shake off this Tyrant Guardian's Yoke, affume yourſelf, and daſh his bold aſpiring Hopes; the Deity of his Defires, is Avarice; a Heretic in Love, and ought D 4 to 80 The BUSY BODY. to be baniſh'd by the Queen of Beauty. See, Madam, a faith- ful Servant kneels, and begs to be admitted in the Number of your Slaves. [Miranda gives him her Hand to raise him. Sir Fran. I wish I cou'd hear what he ſays now. [Running up.] Hold, hold, hold, no Palming, that's contrary to Ar- ticles Sir Geo. 'Sdeath, Sir, keep your Diſtance, or I'll write another Article in your Guts. [Lays his Hand to his Sword. Sir Fran. [Going back.] A bloody minded Fellow! Sir Geo. Not anſwer me! perhaps fhe thinks my Addreſs too grave: I'll be more free-Can you be ſo unconſciona- ble, Madam, to let me fay all theſe fine things to you with- out one fingle Compliment in Return? View me well, am I not a proper handſome Fellow, ha? Can you prefer that old, dry, wither'd fapleſs Log of Sixty-five, to the vi- gorous, gay, fprightly Love of Twenty-four? With fnor- ing only he'll awake thee, but I with raviſhing Delight would make thy Senfes dance in Confort with the joyful Minutes Ha! Not yet? Sure fhe is dumb--Thus wou'd I fteal and touch thy beauteous Hand, [Takes hold of her Hand.] till by degrees, I reach'd thy fnowy Breafts, then raviſh Kiſſes thus. [Embraces her in the Ecstacy. Miran. [Struggles and flings from him.] O Heavens ! I ſhall not be able to contain myſelf. [Afide. Sir Fran. [Running up with his Watchin his Hand.]Sure ſhe did not ſpeak to him-There's three Quarters of an Hour gone, Sir George-Adod, I dont like thoſe cloſe Conferences Sir Geo. More Interruptions- -you will have it, Sir. [Lays his Hand to his Sword. Sir Fran. [Going back.] No, no, you ſhan't have her neither. [Afide. Sir Geo. Dumb ftill-Sure this old Dog has enjoin'd her Silence; I'll try another Way—I muſt conclude, Madam, that in Compliance to your Guardian's Humour, you re- fuſe to anſwer me-Confider the Injuſtice of his Injunction. This fingle Hour coſt me an hundred Pounds--and would you anſwer me, I could purchaſe the Twenty-four fo: However, Madam, you muſt give me Leave to make the beſt Interpretation I can for my Money, and take the In- dication of your Silence for the ſecret liking of my Perſon; Therefore, Madam, I will inſtruct you how to keep your Word The BUSY BODY. 81 Word inviolate to Sir Francis, and yet anſwer me to every Queſtion: As for Example, when I aſk any thing to which you would reply in the Affirmative, gently nod your Head -thus; and when in the Negative, thus; [Shakes his Head.] and in the Doubtful, a tender Sigh, thus. [Sighs. Miran. How every Action charms me--but I'll fit him for Signs, I warrant him. [Afide. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Poor Sir George, Ha, ha, ha, ha! [Afide. Sir Geo. Was it by his Defire that you are dumb, Ma- dam, to all that I can ſay? Miran. [Nods.] Sir Geo. Very well! fhe's tractable, I find-And is it poffible that you can love him! [Miran. nods.] Miraculous! Pardon the Bluntnefs of my Queſtions, for my Time is fhort; may I not hope to ſupplant him in your Efteem? [Miran. fighs.] Good, the anſwers me as I could wifh- You'll not conſent to marry him then? [Miran. ſighs.] How! doubtful in that—Undone again-Humph! but that may proceed from his Power to keep her out of her Eſtate 'till Twenty-five; I'll try that- --Ĉome Madam, I cannot think you heſitate on this Affair out of any Motive but your Fortune. Let him keep it 'till thoſe few Years are expired; make me happy with your Perfon, let him enjoy your Wealth- [Miran. holds up her Hands.] Why, what Sign is that now? Nay, nay, Madam, except you obſerve my Leffon, I can't underſtand your Meaning- • Sir Fran. What a Vengeance, are they talking by Signs? 'ad I may be fool'd here; what do you mean, Sir George? Sir Geo. To cut your Throat, if you dare mutter ano- ther Syllable. Sir Fran. Od! I wiſh he were fairly out of my Houſe. Sir Geo. Pray, Madam, will you anſwer me to the Pur- pofe? [Miran. Shakes her Head and points to Sir Francis] What! does ſhe mean ſhe won't anſwer me to the Purpoſe, or is fhe afraid yon' old Cuff ſhould underſtand her Signs? -Ay, it muſt be that; I perceive, Madam, you are too apprehenfive of the Promiſe you have made to follow my Rules; therefore I'll ſuppoſe your Mind, and anſwer for you-Firſt, for myſelf, Madam, that I am in love with you is an infallible Truth. Now for you: [Turns on her D 5 Side.] 6 VOL. II. 82 The BUSY BODY. Side.] Indeed, Sir, and may I believe it?-As certainly, Madam, as that 'tis Day-light, or that I die if you perfift in Silence-Blefs me with the Mufic of your Voice, and raiſe my Spirits to their proper Heaven: Thus low let me intreat; ere I'm oblig'd to quit this Place, grant me ſome Token of a favourable Reception to keep my hopes alive. [Arifes haftily, turns on her Side.] Rife, Sir, and fince my Guardian's Prefence will not allow me Privilege of Tongue, read that, and reft affured you are not indifferent to me. [Offers her a Letter.] Ha! right Woman! But no [he frikes it down.] matter, I'll go on. Sir Fran. Ha! what's that, a Letter?-Ha, ha, ha! thou art baulk'd. Miran. The beft Affurance I ever faw [Afide. Sir Geo. Ha! a Letter ! Oh! let me kifs it with the fame Raptures that I would do the dear Hand that touch'd it. [Opens it.] Now for a quick Fancy, and a long Extempore- What's here? [Reads.] "Dear Sir George, this Virgin "Muſe I confecrate to you, which when it has receiv'd the "Addition of your Voice, 'twill charm me into a Defire of Liberty to love, which you, and only you can fix." My Angel! Oh you tranſport me! [Kiffes the Letter.] And ſee the Power of your Command; the God of Love has ſet the Verſe already; the flowing Numbers dance into a Tune and I'm infpir'd with a Voice to fing it. Miran. I'm fure thou art infpir'd with Impudence enough. Sir Geo. [Sings.] Great Love inspire him; Say I admire him. Give me the Lover That can difcover Secret Devotion From filent Motion; Then don't betray me, But hence convey me. Sir Geo. [Taking hold of Miranda.] With all my Heart, this Moment let's retire. [Sir Francis coming up hastily. Sir Fran. The Hour is expir'd, Sir, and you muſt take your leave. There, my Girl, there's the hundred Pounds, which thou haft won; go, I'll be with you preſently, Ha, ha, ha, ha! [Exit Miranda. Sir Geo. The BUSY BODY. 83 Sir Geo. Ads-Heart, Madam, you won't leave me juſt in the Nick, will you? Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! fhe has nick'd you, Sir George, I think, ha, ha, ha! Have ye any more hundred Pounds to throw away upon fuch Courtship? Ha, ha, ha ! Sir Geo. He, he, he, he, a Curfe of your fleering Jefts- Yet, however ill I fucceeded, I'll venture the fame Wager, ſhe does not value thee a Spoonful of Snuff :-Nay more, though you enjoin'd her Silence to me, you'll never make her ſpeak to the Purpoſe with yourſelf. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! did not I tell thee thou wouldft repent thy Money? Did not I fay, fhe hated young Fel- lows? Ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. And I'm poſitive ſhe's not in Love with Age. Sir Fran. Ha, ha! no matter for that, ha, ha ! ſhe's not taken with your Youth, nor your Rhetoric to boot, ha, ha! Sir Geo. Whate'er her Reaſons are for diſliking of me, I am certain ſhe can be taken with nothing about thee. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! how he fwells with Envy-Poor Man, poor Man-Ha, ha! I muft beg your Pardon, Sir George; Miranda will be impatient to have her Share of Mirth: Verily we ſhall laugh at thee moſt egregiouſly; Ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. With all my Heart, Faith-I ſhall laugh in my Turn too-For if you dare marry her, old Belzebub, you will be cuckolded moſt egregioufly: Remember that and tremble She that to Age her beauteous Self reſigns, Shews witty Management for clofe Deſigns. Then if thou'rt grac'd with fair Miranda's Bed, Acteon's Horns ſhe means shall crown thy Head. [Exit. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! he is mad. Theſe fluttering Fops imagine they can wind, Turn, and decoy to Love all Womankind: But here's a Proof of Wisdom in my Charge, Old Men are conftant, young Men live at large; The frugal Hand can Bills at Sight defray, When he that lavish is, has nought to pay. [Exit. SCENE changes to Sir Jealous Traffick's Houfe. Enter Sir Jealous, Ifabinda, Patch following. Sir Jea. What, in the Balcony again, notwithstanding my 84 The BUSY BODY. my pofitive Commands to the contrary!- Why don't you write a Bill on your Forehead, to fhow Paffengers there's fomething to be lett- Ifa. What Harm can there be in a little freſh Air, Sir? Sir Fea. Is your Conftitution fo hot, Miſtreſs, that it wants cooling, ha? Apply the virtuous Spanish Rules, baniſh your Tafte, and Thoughts of Fleſh, feed upon Roots, and quench your Thirft with Water. Ifa. That and a clofe Room wou'd certainly make me die of the Vapours. Sir Fea. No, Miſtreſs, 'tis your high-fed, lufty, rambling, rampant Ladies-that are troubled with the Vapours: 'tis your Ratafia, Perfico, Cinnamon, Citron, and Spirit of Clary, caufe fuch Swi-m-ing in the Brain, that carries many a Guinea full tide to the Doctor. But you are not to be bred this way; no galloping abroad, no receiving Vifits at home; for in our loofe Country, the Women are as dangerous as the Men. Patch. So I told her, Sir; and that it was not decent to be ſeen in a Balcony-But ſhe threatened to ſlap my Chaps, and told me, I was her Servant, not her Governeſs. Sir Fea. Did fhe fo? But I'll make her to know that you are her Duenna: Oh! that incomparable Cuſtom of Spain! Why here's no depending upon old Women in my Coun- try-for they are as wanton at Eighty, as a Girl of Eighteen; and a Man may as fafely truſt to Afgil's Trans- lation as to his Great Grandmother's not marrying again. Ifa. Or to the Spanish Ladies Viles and Duennas, for the Safeguard of their Honour. Sir Jea. Dare to ridicule the cautious Conduct of that wife Nation, and I'll have you lock'd up this Fortnight without a peep-hole. Ifa. If we had but the ghoſtly Helps in England, which they have in Spain, I might deceive you if you did-Sir, 'tis not the Reſtraint, but the innate Principles, fecures the Reputation and Honour of our Sex-Let me tell you, Sir, Confinement ſharpens the Invention, as Want of Sight ftrengthens the other Senfes, and is often more pernicious, than the Recreation innocent Liberty allows. Sir Fea. Say you ſo, Miſtreſs; who the Devil taught you the Art of Reaſoning? I affure you, they muſt have a greater Faith than I pretend to, that can think any Woman in- nocent The BUSY BODY. 85 nocent who requires Liberty. Therefore, Patch, to your Charge I give her; lock her up 'till I come back from Change: I fhall have ſome fauntring Coxcomb, with nothing but a Red Coat and Feather, think by leaping into her Arms, to leap into my Eſtate-But I'll prevent them; ſhe ſhall be only Babinetto's. Patch. Really, Sir, I wiſh you wou'd employ any body elſe in this affair; I lead a Life like a Dog, with obeying your Commands. Come, Madam, will you pleaſe to be lock'd up? Ifa. Ay, to enjoy more Freedom than he is aware of. [Afide.] [Exit with Patch. Sir Fea. I believe this Wench is very true to my In- tereft; I am happy I met with her, if I can but keep my Daughter from being blown upon 'till Signior Babinetto arrives; who ſhall marry her as foon as he comes, and carry her to Spain as foon as he has married her; ſhe has a pregnant Wit, and I'd no more have her an Engliſh Wife than the Grand Signior's Miſtreſs. Enter Whiſper. [Exit. Whisp. So, I faw Sir Jealous go out; where ſhall I find Mrs. Patch now? Enter Patch. Patch. Oh, Mr. Whisper! my Lady ſaw you out at the Window, and order'd me to bid you fly, and let your Mafter know fhe's now alone. Whis. Hufh, fpeak foftly; I go, I go: But hark ye, Mrs. Patch, fhall not you and I have a little Confabula- tion, when my Maſter and your Lady are engag'd? Patch. Ay, ay, Farewel. [Goes in and shuts the Door. Re-enter Sir Jealous Traffick, meeting Whiſper. Sir Fea. Sure whilft I was talking with Mr. Tradewell, I heard my Door clap. [Seeing Whiſper.] Ha! a Man lurking about my Houfe; who do you want there, Sir? Whip. Want want, a Pox, Sir Jealous! what muft I ſay now? Sir Fea. Ay, want; any body there? Bawd- have you a Letter or Meſſage for O' my Conſcience this is fome He Sir Whis. Letter or Meffage, Sir! 2 86 The BUSY BODY. Sir Jea. Ay, Letter or Meffage, Sir. Whis. No, not I, Sir. Sir Jea. Sirrah, Sirrah, I'll have you fet in the Stocks, if you don't tell me your Buſineſs immediately. Whiſp. Nay, Sir, my Buſineſs-is no great matter of Buſineſs neither; and yet 'tis Buſineſs of Confequence too. Sir Fea. Sirrah, don't trifle with me. Whifp. Trifle, Sir! have you found him, Sir? Sir Fea. Found what, you Raſcal? Whip. Why Trifle is the very Lap-Dog my Lady loft, Sir; I fancy'd I faw him run into this Houſe. I'm glad you have him—Sir, my Lady will be overjoy'd that I have found him. Sir Fea. Who is your Lady, Friend? Whip. My Lady Love-Puppy, Sir. Sir Fea. My Lady Love-Puppy! then prithee carry thyſelf to her, for I know no other Whelp that belongs to her; and let me catch you no more a Puppy-hunting about my Doors, left I have you preſt into the Service, Sirrah. Whisp. By no means, Sir-Your humble Servant; I muſt watch whether he goes, or no, before I can tell my Maſter. [Exit. Sir Fea. This Fellow has the officious Leer of a Pimp; and I half ſuſpect a Deſign, but I'll be upon them before they think on me, I warrant 'em. SCENE, Charles's Lodgings. Enter Charles and Marplot. [Exit. Cha. Honeft Marplot, I thank thee for this Supply; I expect my Lawyer with a thouſand Pounds I have order'd him to take up, and then you ſhall be repaid. Marp. Pho, pho, no more of that: Here comes Sir George Airy. Enter Sir George. Curfedly out of humour at his Diſappointment; fee how he looks! Ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. Ah, Charles, I am ſo humbled in my Pretenfions to Plots upon Women, that I believe I ſhall never have Cou- rage enough to attempt a Chamber-Maid-I'll tell thee. Cha. Ha, ha! I'll fpare you the Relation, by telling you- Impatient to know your Buſineſs with my Father, when I faw The BUSY BODY. 87 faw you enter I flipt back into the next Room, where I overheard every Syllable, Sir Geo. That I faid- -I'll be hang'd if you heard her anſwer-But prithee tell me, Charles, is ſhe a Fool? Cha. I ne'er fufpected her for one; but Marplot can in- form you better, if you'll allow him a Judge. Marpl. A Fool! I'll juſtify ſhe has more Wit than all the reſt of her Sex put together; why ſhe'll rally me 'till I han't one Word to fay for myſelf. Cha. A mighty Proof of her Wit truly Marpl. There muſt be ſome Trick in't, Sir George; Egad I'll find it out, if it coſt me the Sum you paid for't. Sir Geo. Do, and command me- Marp. Enough, let me alone to trace a Secret- Enter Whiſper, and ſpeaks afide to his Mafter. The Devil! Whiſper here again! that Fellow never ſpeaks out. Is this the fame, or a new Secret? Sir George, won't you aík Charles what News Whisper brings? Sir Geo. Not I, Sir; I ſuppoſe it does not relate to me. Marpl.Lord, Lord, how little Curiofity fome People have! Now my chief Pleaſure lies in knowing everybody's Bufinefs. Sir Geo. I fancy, Charles, thou haft fome Engagement upon thy Hands: I have a little Buſineſs too. Marplot, if it fall in your way to bring me any Intelligence from Miranda, you'll find me at the Thatch'd Houſe at Six— Marpl. You do me much Honour. Cha. You gueſs right, Sir George, wish me Succefs. Sir Geo. Better than attended me. Adieu. [Exit. Cha. Marplot, you muſt excuſe me- Marpl. Nay, nay, what need of any Excufe amongſt Friends: I'll go with you. Cha. Indeed you muſt not. Marpl. No! then I fuppofe 'tis a Duel, and I will go to fecure you. Cha. Well, but it is no Duel, confequently no Danger: Therefore prithee be anſwer'd. Marpl. What, is't a Miſtreſs then?-Mum-You know I can be filent upon Occafion. Cha. I wish you could be civil too: I tell you, you nei- ther muſt nor ſhall go with me. Farewel. Marpl. Why then-I muſt and will follow you. [Exit. [Exit. ACT 88 The BUSY BODY. Cha. W ACT III. Enter Charles. ELL, here's the Houſe which holds the love- ly Prize quiet and ferene: here no noiſy Foot- men throng to tell my World, that Beauty dwells within; no ceremonious Vifit makes the Lover wait; no Rival to give my Heart a Pang: Who would not ſcale the Window at Midnight without Fear of the jealous Father's Piſtol, rather than fill up the Train of a Coquet, where every Minute he is joftled out of Place?[Knocks foftly.] Mrs. Patch, Mrs. Patch! Enter Patch. Patch. Oh, are you come, Sir? All's ſafe. Cha. So, in, in then. Enter Marplot. Marpl. There he goes: Who the Devil lives here? Ex- cept I can find out that, I am as far from knowing his Bu- finefs as ever; Gad I'll watch, it may be a Bawdy Houſe, and he may have his Throat cut; if there ſhould be any Miſchief, I can make Oath he went in. Well Charles, in ſpight of your Endeavour to keep me out of the Secret, may fave your Life for aught I know: At that Corner I'll plant myſelf, there I ſhall ſee whoever goes in, or comes out. Gad, I love Diſcoveries. [Exit. SCENE draws, Charles, Ifabinda and Patch. Ifab. Patch, look out ſharp; have a care of Dad. Patch. I warrant you. Ifab. Well, Sir, if I may judge your Love by your Cou- rage, I ought to believe you fincere; for you venture into the Lion's Den, when you come to fee me. Cha. If you'd confent, whilft the furious Beaſt is abroad, I'd free you from the Reach of his Paws. Ifab. That would be but to avoid one Danger by running into another; like poor Wretches who fly the burning Ship, and meet their Fate in the Water. Come, come Charles, I fear if I confult my Reaſon, Confinement and Plenty is better than Liberty and Starving. I know you'd make the Frolic The BUSY BODY. 89 Frolic pleafing for a little Time, by faying and doing a world of tender Things; but when our ſmall Subſtance is exhauſted, and a thouſand Requiſites for Life are wanting, Love, who rarely dwells with Poverty, wou'd alſo fail us. Cha. Faith, I fancy not; methinks my Heart has laid up a Stock will laſt for Life; to back which, I have taken a thouſand Pounds upon my Uncle's Eftate; that furely will ſupport us till one of our Fathers relent. Ifab. There's no trufting to that, my Friend; I doubt your Father will carry his Humour to the Grave, and mine till he ſees me ſettled in Spain. Cha. And can ye then cruelly refolve to ſtay till that curs'd Don arrives, and ſuffer that Youth, Beauty, Fire, and Wit to be ſacrific'd to the Arms of a dull Spaniard, to be immur'd, and forbid the Sight of any thing that's Human? Ifab. No, when it comes to the Extremity, and no Stra- tagem can relieve us, thou ſhalt lift for a Soldier, and I'll carry thy Knapſack after thee. Cha. Bravely refolv'd; the World cannot be more favage than our Parents, and Fortune generally affifts the Bold; therefore confent now: Why fhould we put it to a future Hazard? Who knows when we ſhall have another Oppor- tunity? Ifab. Oh, you have your Ladder of Ropes, I fuppofe, and the Cloſet-Window ſtands juſt where it did, and if you han't forgot to write in Characters, Patch will find a way for our Affignations. Thus much of the Spanish Contrivance my Father's Severity has taught me, I thank him; tho' I hate the Nation, I admire their Management in theſe Affairs. Enter Patch. Patch. Oh, Madam, I fee my Maſter coming up the Street. Cha. Oh, the Devil, would I had my Ladder now, I thought you had not expected him till Night; why, why, why, why, what ſhall I do, Madam? Ifab. Oh! for Heaven's fake! don't go that way, you'll meet him full in the Teeth: Oh, unlucky Moment! Cha. Adfheart, can you ſhut me into no Cupboard, ram me into a Cheft, ha? Patch. Impoffible, Sir, he ſearches every Hole in the Houſe. Ifab. 90 The BUSY BODY. Ifab. Undone for ever! if he fees you, I fhall never ſee you more. Patch. I have thought on it: Run to your Chamber, Madam; and, Sir, come you along with me, I'm certain you may eaſily get down from the Balcony. Cha, My Life, Adieu- Lead on Guide. Ifab. Heaven preſerve him. SCENE changes to the Street. Enter Sir Jealous, vith Marplot behind him. [Exit. [Exit. Sir Fea. I don't know what's the matter, but I have a ftrong Sufpicion all is not right within; that Fellow's faun- tring about my Door, and his Tale of a Puppy had the Face of a Lye methought. By St. Iägo, if I ſhould find a Man in the Houſe, I'd make Mince-Meat of him- Marpl. Ah, poor Charles-ha! Egad he is old————I fancy I might bully him, and make Charles have an Opi- nion of my Courage. Sir Jea. My own Key ſhall let me in, I'll give them no Warning [Feeling for his Key. Marpl. What's that you fay, Sir? [Going up to Sir Jealous. Sir Fea. What's that to you, Sir? [Turns quick upon him. Marpl. Yes,'tistome, Sir: for the Gentleman you threaten is a very honeſt Gentleman. Look to't; for if he comes not as fafe out of your Houſe as he went in, I have half a dozen Myrmidons hard by ſhall beat it about your Ears. Sir. Fea. Went in! What is he in then? Ah! a Com- bination to undo me- -I'll Myrmidon you, ye Dog you Thieves, Thieves ! [Beats Marplot all the while he cries Thieves! Marpl. Murder, Murder; I was not in your Houſe, Sir. Enter Servant. Serv. What's the matter, Sir? Sir Fea. The matter, Raſcal! Have you let a Man into my Houſe! but I'll flea him alive; follow me, I'll not leave a Mouſe-hole unfearch'd; if I find him, by St. Iägo I'll equip him for the Opera. Marpl. A Duce of his Cane, there's no truſting to Age- What fhall I do to relieve Charles? Egad, I'll raiſe the Neighbourhood-Murder, Murder--[Charles drops down upon The BUSY BODY. 91 upon him from the Balcony.] Charles, faith I'm glad to fee thee fafe out with all my Heart. Cha. A Pox of your Bawling: How the Devil came you here? Marpl. Here! 'gad, I have done you a piece of Service; I told the old Thunderbolt, that the Gentleman that was gone in, was Cha. Was it you that told him, Sir ?[Laying hold of him.] 'Sdeath, I could cruſh thee into Atoms. [Exit Charles. Marpl. What, will ye choak me for my Kindneſs? Will my enquiring Soul never leave ſearching into other People's Affairs, till it gets ſqueez'd out of my Body? I dare not follow him now, for my Blood, he's in fuch a Paffion -I'll to Miranda; if I can diſcover aught that may oblige Sir George, it may be a means to recon- cile me again to Charles. [Exit. Enter Sir Jealous and Servants. Sir Jea. Are you ſure you have ſearch'd every where? Serv. Yes, from the Top of the Houſe to the Bottom. Sir Fea. Under the Beds, and over the Beds? Serv. Yes, and in them too; but found nobody Sir. Sir Jea. Why, what could this Rogue mean? Enter Ifabinda and Patch. Patch. Take Courage, Madam, I ſaw him fafe out. Ifab. Blefs me! what's the Matter, Sir? [Afide to Ifab. Sir Fea. You know beſt-Pray where's the Man that was here juſt now? Ifab. What Man, Sir; I faw none ! Patch. Nor I, by the Truft you repoſe in me; do you think I would let a Man come within thefe Doors, when you are abfent? Sir Fea. Ah, Patch, fhe may be too cunning for thy Honefty the very Scout that he had ſet to give Warning, diſcover'd it to me-and threaten'd me with half a dozen Myrmidons But I think I maul'd the Villain. Theſe Afflictions you draw upon me, Miſtreſs! Ifab. Pardon me, Sir, 'tis your own ridiculous Humour draws you into theſe Vexations, and gives every Fool pre- tence to banter you. Sir 92 The BUSY BODY. Sir Jea. No, 'tis your idle Conduct, your coquetiſh Flirting into the Balcony-Oh, with what Joy fhall I reſign thee into the Arms of Don Diego Babinetto! Ifab. And with what Induſtry ſhall I avoid him! [Afide. Sir Jea. Certainly that Rogue had a Meffage from fome body or other; but being baulk'd by my coming, popt that Sham upon me. Come along ye Sots, let's fee if we can find the Dog again. Patch, lock her up; d'ye hear? Patch. Yes, Sir-Ay, walk till your Heels ake, you'll find nobody, I'll promiſe you. Ifab. Who cou'd that Scout be which he talks of? Patch. Nay, I can't imagine, without it was Whisper. Ifab. Well, dear Patch, let's employ all our Thoughts how to eſcape this horrid Don Diego, my very Heart finks at his terrible Name. Patch. Fear not, Madam, Don Carlo fhall be the Man, or I'll lofe the Reputation of Contriving; and then what's a Chamber-maid good for? Ifab. Say'ft thou fo, my Girl? Then- Let Dad be jealous, multiply his Cares, While Love inftructs me to avoid the Snares; I'll, fpight of all his Spaniſh Caution, how How much for Love a Britiſh Maid can do. SCENE Sir Francis Gripe's Houſe. Sir Francis and Miranda meeting. [Exit. Miran. Well, Gardy, how did I perform the dumb Scene? Sir Fran. To Admiration-Thou dear little Rogue, let me buſs thee for it: Nay, adod, I will, Chargy, ſo muzzle, and tuzzle, and hug thee, I will, i'faith, I will. [Hugging and kiſſing her. Miran. Nay, Gardy, don't be fo laviſh; who would ride Poft, when the Journey lafts for Life? Sir Fran. Ah Wag, ah Wag—I'll buſs thee again, for that. Miran. Faugh! how he ſtinks of Tobacco! what a delicate Bedfellow I fhou'd have ! [Afide. Sir Fran. Oh, I'm tranſported! When, when, my Dear, wilt thou convince the World of thy happy Day? When ſhall we marry, ha? Miran. There's nothing wanting but your Conſent, Sir Francis. Sir The BUSY BODY. 93 Sir Fran. My Confent! what does my Charmer mean? Miran. Nay, 'tis only a Whim, but I'll have every thing according to Form- therefore when you ſign an authentic Paper, drawn up by an able Lawyer, that I have your Leave to marry, the next Day makes me yours, Gardy. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! a Whim indeed! why is it not Demonſtration I give my Leave when I marry thee? Miran. Not for your Reputation, Gardy; the malicious World will be apt to ſay you trick'd me into a Marriage, and fo take the Merit from my Choice. Now I will have the Act my own, to let the idle Fops fee how much I pre- fer a Man loaded with Years and Wiſdom. Sir Fran. Humph! Prithee leave out Years, Chargy, I'm not fo old, as thou fhalt find: Adod, I'm young; there's a Caper for ye. [Jumps. Miran. Oh, never excuſe it; why, I like you the better for being old.—But I ſhall ſuſpect you don't love me, if you refuſe me this Formality. Sir Fran. Not love thee, Chargy! Adod, I do love thee better than, than, than, better than-what ſhall I ſay? Egad, better than Money; i'faith I do— Miran. That's falſe, I'm fure [Afide.] To prove it, do this then. Sir Fran. Well, I will do it, Chargy, provided I bring a Licenſe at the fame Time? Miran. Ay, and a Parſon too, if you pleaſe: Ha, ha, ha! I can't help laughing to think how all the young Coxcombs about Town will be mortified when they hear of our Marriage. Sir Fran. So they will, fo they will; Ha, ha, ha ! Miran. Well, I fancy I ſhall be ſo happy with my Gardy! Sir Fran. If wearing Pearls and Jewels, or eating Gold, as the old Saying is, can make thee happy, thou ſhalt be ſo, my ſweeteſt, my lovely, my charming, my-verily, I know not what to call thee. Miran. You muſt know, Gardy, that I am fo eager to have this Bufinefs concluded, that I have employ'd my Woman's Brother, who is a Lawyer in the Temple, to fettle Matters juſt to your liking; you are to give your Confent to my Marriage, which is to yourſelf, you know: but Mum, you muſt take no Notice of that. So then I will, that is, with your Leave, put my Writings into his Hands ; then 94 The BUSY BODY. then to-morrow we come flap upon them with a Wedding that nobody thought on; by which you feize me and my Eſtate, and, I fuppofe, make a Bonfire of your own Act and Deed. Sir Fran. Nay, but Chargy,, if- Miran. Nay, Gardy, no Ifs- Have I refuſed three Northern Lords, two British Peers, and half a ſcore Knights, to have put in your Ifs? Sir Fran. So thou haft, indeed, and I will truft to thy Management. Od, I'm all of a Fire. Miran. 'Tis a Wonder the dry Stubble does not blaze. Enter Marplot. [Afide. Sir Fran. How now, who ſent for you, Sir? What, is the hundred Pound gone already? Marpl. No, Sir, I don't want Money now. Sir Fran. No; that's a Miracle! but there's one thing you want, I'm fure. Marpl. Ay, what's that, Guardian? Sir Fran. Manners: What, had I no Servants without? Marpl. None that could do my Buſineſs, Guardian, which is at preſent with this Lady. Miran. With me, Mr. Marplot! what is it, I beseech you? Sir Fran. Ay, Sir, what is it? Any thing that relates to her may be deliver'd to me. Marpl. I deny that. Miran. That's more than I do, Sir. Marpl. Indeed, Madam! Why then to proceed; Fame ſays, that you and my moſt conſcionable Guardian here defign'd, contriv'd, plotted and agreed, to choufe a very civil, honeſt, honourable Gentleman, out of an hundred Pound. Miran. That I contriv'd it! Marpl. Ay you—You ſaid never a Word againſt it, ſo far you are guilty. Sir Fran. Pray tell that civil, honeft, honourable Gen- tleman, that if he has any more fuch Sums to fool away, they ſhall be received like the laft: Ha, ha, ha, ha ! chous'd, quotha! But hark ye, let him know at the ſame Time, that if he dared to report I trick'd him of it, I ſhall recommend a Lawyer to him ſhall ſhew him a Trick for twice as much: D'ye hear? Tell him that. Marpl. The BUSY BODY. 95 Marpl. So, and this is the Way you uſe a Gentleman and my Friend? Miran. Is the Wretch thy Friend? Marpl. The Wretch! Look ye, Madam, don't call Names; Egad, I won't take it. Miran. Why, you won't beat me, will you? Ha, ha! Marpl. I don't know whether I will or no. Sir Fran. Sir, I fhall make a Servant ſhew you out at the Window, if you are faucy. Marpl. I am your moſt humble Servant, Guardian; I defign to go out the fame Way I came in. I would only aſk this Lady, if ſhe does not think in her Soul Sir George Airy is not a fine Gentleman? Miran. He dreffes well. Sir Fran. Which is chiefly owing to his Taylor and Valet de Chambre. Miran. And if you allow that a Proof of his being a fine Gentleman, he is ſo. Marpl. The judicious Part of the World allow him Wit, Courage, Gallantry, and Management; tho' I think he forfeited that Character, when he flung away a hundred Pound upon your dumb Ladyſhip. Sir Fran. Does that gaul him? ha, ha, ha ! Miran. So, Sir George remaining in deep Difcontent, has fent you his trufty Squire to utter his Complaint: ha, ha, ha! Marpl. Yes, Madam; and you like a cruel, hard- hearted Jew, value it no more-than I wou'd your Lady- ſhip, were I Sir George, you, you, you- Miran. Oh, don't call Names, I know you love to be employ'd, and I'll oblige you, and you ſhall carry him a Meffage from me. Marpl. According as I like it: What is it? Miran. Nay, a kind one you may be fure——Firſt tell him, I have choſe this Gentleman to have and to hold, and fo forth. [Clapping her Hand into Sir Francis's. Sir Fran. Oh, the dear Rogue, how I doat on her! [Afide. Miran. And adviſe his Impertinence to trouble me no more, for I prefer Sir Francis for a Huſband before all the Fops in the Univerſe. Marpl. Oh Lord, Oh Lord! fhe's bewitch'd, that's certain : Here's a Huſband for Eighteen-Here's a Shape-Here's Bones # 96 The BUSY BODY. Bones rattling in a leathern Bag.[Turning Sir Francis about. Here's Buckram and Canvas to fcrub you to repentance. Sir Fran. Sirrah, my Cane fhall teach you Repentance preſently. Marpl. No faith, I have felt its Twin Brother from juſt fuch a wither'd Hand too lately. Miran. One thing more; adviſe him to keep from the Garden Gate on the left Hand; for if he dare to faunter there about the Hour of Eight, as he uſed to do, he ſhall be faluted with a Piſtol or Blunderbufs. Sir. Fran. O monftrous! why Chargy, did he uſe to come to the Garden Gate? Miran. The Gard'ner defcrib'd juſt ſuch another Man that always watch'd his coming out, and fain wou'd have brib'd him for his entrance-Tell him he ſhall find a warm Reception if he comes this Night. Marpl. Piftols and Blunderbuffes ! Egad, a warm Recep- tion indeed; I fhall take care to inform him of your Kind- neſs, and adviſe him to keep farther off. Miran. I hope he will underſtand my Meaning better, than to follow your advice. [Afide. Sir Fran. Thou haft fign'd, feal'd, and ta'en Poffeffion of my Heart for ever, Chargy, ha, ha, ha! and for you, Mr. Sauce-Box, let me have no more of your Meffages, if ever you deſign to inherit your Eſtate, Gentleman. Marpl. Why there 'tis now. Sure I fhall be out of your Clutches one Day-Well, Guardian, I fay no more; but if you be not as errant a Cuckold, as e'er drove Bargain upon the Exchange, or paid Attendance to a Court, I am the Son of a Whetſtone; and fo your humble Servant. [Exit. Miran. Don't forget the Meſſage; ha, ha! Sir Fran. I am fo provok'd-'tis well he's gone. Miran. Oh mind him not, Gardy, but let's fign Articles, and then- Sir Fran. And then-Adod, I believe I am metamor- phos'd: my Pulſe beats high, and my Blood boils, me- thinks- [Kiffing and hugging her. Miran. Oh fie Gardy, be not fo violent: Confider the Market laſts all the Year-Well, I'll in and fee if the Lawyer be come, you'll follow. [Exit. Sir Fran. Ay, to the World's End, my Dear. Well, Frank, thou art a lucky Fellow in thy old Age, to have ſuch a delicate The BUSY BODY. 97 a delicate Morfell, and thirty thouſand Pound in love with thee; I ſhall be the Envy of Batchelors, the Glory of mar- ried Men, and the Wonder of the Town. Some Guar- dians wou'd be glad to compound for Part of the Eſtate, at diſpatching an Heireſs. But I engroſs the whole: O! Mihi præteritos referet ſi Jupiter Annos. [Exit. SCENE changes to a Tavern ; diſcovers Sir George and Charles with Wine before them, and Whiſper waiting. Sir. Geo. Nay, prithee don't be grave Charles: Miſ- fortunes will happen, Ha, ha, ha! 'tis fome Comfort to have a Companion in our Sufferings. Cha. I am only apprehenſive for Ifabinda; her Father's Humour is implacable; and how far his Jealouſy may tranſport her to her Undoing, ſhocks my Soul to think. Sir Geo. But fince you eſcap'd undiſcover'd by him, his Rage will quickly laſh into a Calm, never fear it. Cha. But who knows what that unlucky Dog Marplot, told him; nor can I imagine what brought him thither; that Fellow is ever doing Miſchief: and yet, to give him his due he never defigns it. This is fome blundering Adventure, wherein he thought to ſhew his Friendſhip, as he calls it; a Curſe on him. Sir Geo. Then you muſt forgive him; what ſaid he? Cha. Said? nay I had more mind to cut his Throat, than to hear his Excuſes. Sir Geo. Where is he? Whip. Sir, I faw him go into Sir Francis Gripe's juſt now. Cha. Oh! then he's upon your Buſineſs, Sir George, a thouſand to one but he makes fome Miſtake there too. Sir Geo. Impoffible, without he huffs the Lady, and makes love to Sir Francis. Enter Drawer. Draw. Mr. Marplot's below, Gentlemen, and defires to know if he may have leave to wait upon ye. Cha. How civil the Rogue is, when he has done a Fault! Sir Geo. Ho! defire him to walk up. Prithee Charles, throw off this Chagreen, and be good Company. Cha. Nay, hang him, I'm not angry with him: Whif per, fetch me Pen, Ink and Paper. Whiſp. Yes, Sir. 7 VOL. II. E [Exit Whiſp. Enter 98 The BUSY BODY. Enter Marplot. Cha. Do but mark his ſheepish Look, Sir George. Marpl. Dear Charles, don't overwhelm a Man-already under inſupportable Affliction. I'm fure I always intend to ſerve my Friends; but if my malicious Stars deny the Happineſs, is the Fault mine? Sir Geo. Never mind him, Mr. Marplot; he is eat up with Spleen, but what ſays Miranda? Marpl. Says- -nay, we are all undone there too. Cha. I told you fo, nothing profpers that he undertakes. Marpl. Why, can I help her having chofe your Father for better for worse? Cha. So: There's another of Fortune's Strokes. I fup- poſe I ſhall be edg'd out of my Eftate with Twins every Year, let who will get 'em. Sir Geo. What is the Woman really poſſeſt? Marpl. Yes, with the Spirit of Contradiction, ſhe rail'd at you moſt prodigiouſly. Sir Geo. That's no ill Sign. Enter Whiſper, with Pen, Ink and Paper. Marpl. You'd fay it was no good Sign, if you knew all. Sir Geo. Why, prithee? Marpl. Hark'ye, Sir George, let me warn you, purſue your old Haunt no more, it may be dangerous. [Charles fits down to write. Sir. Geo. My old Haunt, what d'you mean ! Marpl. Why in ſhort, then ſince you will have it, Miran- da vows if you dare approach the Garden-gate at eight o'Clock, as you us'd, you ſhall be faluted with a Blunderbufs, Sir. Theſe were her Words, nay ſhe bid me tell you fo too. Sir Geo. Ha! the Garden-gate at eight, as I us'd to do! There muſt be a Meaning in this. Is there fuch a Gate, Charles? Cha. Yes, yes; It opens into the Park; I ſuppoſe her Ladyſhip has made many a Scamper through it. Sir Geo. It muſt be an Aſſignation then. Ha, my Heart fprings with Joy, 'tis a propitious Omen. My dear Marplot, let me embrace thee, thou art my Friend, my better Angel- Marp. What do you mean, Sir George? Sir Geo. 7 The BUSY BODY. 99 Here, take a Bum- Sir Geo. No matter what I mean. per to the Garden-gate, ye dear Rogue you. Marpl. You have Reafon to be tranfported, Sir George; I have fav'd your Life. Sir Geo. My Life! thou haft fav'd my Soul, Man. Charles, if thou doft not pledge this Health, mayft thou never taſte the Joys of Love. Cha. Whisper, be ſure you take care how you deliver this [Gives him the Letter.] Bring me the Anſwer to my Lodgings. Whiſp. I warrant you, Sir. Marpl. Whither does that Letter go?—Now I dare not aſk for my Blood. Cha. Now I'm for you. Sir Geo. To the Garden-gate at the Hour of Eight, Charles, along, Huzza ! Cha. I begin to conceive you. Marpl. That's more than I do, Egad-to the Garden- gate, Ĥuzza, [Drinks.] But I hope you deſign to keep far enough off it, Sir George. Sir Geo. Ay, ay, never fear that; ſhe ſhall ſee I deſpiſe her Frown; let her uſe her Blunderbuſs againſt the next Fool, ſhe ſhan't reach me with the Smoak, I warrant her; Ha, ha, ha ! Marpl. Ah, Charles, if you cou'd receive a Diſappoint- ment thus en Cavalier, one ſhou'd have fome Comfort in being beat for you. Cha. The Fool comprehends nothing. Sir Geo. Nor wou'd I have him; prithee take him along with thee. Cha. Enough: Marplot, you ſhall go home with me. Marpl. I'm glad I'm well with him, however. Sir George, yours. Egad, Charles's asking me to go home with him, gives me a fhrewd Sufpicion there's more in the Garden-gate than I comprehend. Faith, I'll give him the drop, and away to Guardian's, and find it out. Sir Geo. I kifs both your Hands-And now for the Garden-gate. It's Beauty gives the Affignation there, And Love too powerful grows, t'admit of Fear. [Exit. E 2 ACT 100 The BUSY BODY. ACT IV. SCENE the Outside of Sir Jealous Traffick's Houſe, Patch peeping out of the Door. Enter Whiſper. Whisp. HA, Mrs. Patch, this is a lucky Minute, to find tience. you ſo readily; my Mafter dies with Impa- Patch. My Lady imagin'd fo, and by her Orders I have been ſcouting this Hour in fearch of you, to inform you that Sir Jealous has invited ſome Friends to Supper with him to-night, which gives an Opportunity to your Maſter to make uſe of his Ladder of Ropes. The Cloſet Window ſhall be open, and Ifabinda ready to receive him; bid him come immediately. Whisp. Excellent! He'll not diſappoint, I warrant him : But hold, I have a Letter here, which I'm to carry an Anſwer of, I can't think what Language the Direction is. Patch. Pho, 'tis no Language, but a Character which the Lovers intend to avert Difcovery. Ha, I hear my old Mafter coming down Stairs, it is impoffible you fhou'd have an Anſwer; away, and bid him come himſelf for that-Be gone, we are ruin'd if you're ſeen, for he has doubled his Care fince the laſt Accident. Whiſp. I go, I go. [Exit. Patch. There, go thou into my Pocket. [Puts it befide, and it falls down.] Now I'll up the Back-ftairs, left Í meet him. Well, a dextrous Chamber-maid is the Ladies beſt Utenſil, I ſay. [Exit. Enter Sir Jealous with a Letter in his Hand. Sir Feal. So, this is fome Comfort; this tells me that Seignior Don Diego Babinetto is ſafely arriv'd; he ſhall marry my Daughter the Minute he comes, Ha, ha! What's here? [Takes up the Letter which Patch drop'd.] A Letter! I don't know what to make of the Superfcrip- tion. I'll fee what's within fide, [opens it.] Humph; 'tis Hebrew, I think. What can this mean? there muſt be fome Trick in it; this was certainly defign'd for my Daughter, but I don't know that ſhe can ſpeak any Lan- guage but her Mother-tongue. No matter for that, this may be one of Love's Hieroglyphicks, and I fancy I ſaw Patch's The BUSY ΙΟΙ BODY. Patch's Tail ſweep by. That Wench may be a Slut, and inſtead of guarding my Honour, betray it; I'll find it out I'm refolv'd: Who's there? Enter Servant. What Anſwer did you bring from the Gentlemen I ſent you to invite? Serv. That they'll all wait of you, Sir, as I told you before; but I fuppofe you forgot, Sir. Sir Feal. Did I fo, Sir? but I fhan't forget to break your Head, if any of them come, Sir. Serv. Come, Sir! why did you not ſend me to deſire their Company, Sir? Sir Feal. But I ſend you now to deſire their Abſence ſay I have ſomething extraordinary fallen out, which calls me abroad contrary to Expectation, and aſk their Pardon; and d'ye hear, fend the Butler to me. Serv. Yes, Sir. Enter Butler. [Exit. Sir Feal. If this Paper has a Meaning, I'll find it. Lay the Cloth in my Daughter's Chamber, and bid the Cook fend Supper thither preſently. Butl. Yes, Sir-Hey-day, what's the Matter now? [Exit. Sir Feal. He wants the Eyes of Argus, that has a young handſome Daughter in this Town; but my Comfort is, I fhall not be troubled long with her. He that pretends to rule a Girl once in her Teens, had better be at Sea in a Storm, and would be in leſs Danger; For let him do or counsel all he can, She thinks and dreams of nothing elfe but Man. [Exit. SCENE, Ifabinda's Chamber. Ifabinda and Patch. Ifab. Are you ſure nobody ſaw you ſpeak to Whisper? Patch. Yes, very fure, Madam; But I heard Sir Jealous coming down Stairs, ſo clapt his Letter into my Pocket. [Feels for the Letter. Ifab. A Letter? give it me qnickly. Patch. Bleſs me! what's become on't-I'm ſure I put it-- E 3 [Searching ſtill Ifab I02 The BUSY BODY. Ifab. Is it poffible thou could'ſt be ſo careleſs?-Oh! I'm undone for ever, if it be loft. Patch. I muſt have dropt it upon the Stairs. But why are you ſo much alarm'd? If the worſt happens, nobody can read it, Madam, nor find out who it was defign'd for. Ifab. If it falls into my Father's Hands, the very Fi- gure of a Letter will produce ill Confequences. Run and look for it upon the Stairs this moment. Patch. Nay, I'm ſure it can be no where elſe- [As fhe's going out of the Door, meets the Butler.] How now, what do you want? Butl. My Maſter ordered me to lay the Cloth here for his Supper. Iſab. Ruin'd, paſt Redemption— Patch. You miſtake fure: what ſhall we do? [Afide. Ifab. I thought he expected Company to-night-Oh! poor Charles! Oh, unfortunate Iſabinda! Butl. I thought ſo too, Madam, but I ſuppoſe he has alter'd his Mind. [Lays the Cloth, and Exit. Ifab. The Letter is the Caufe; this heedleſs Action has undone me: Fly and faſten the Cloſet-window, which will give Charles Notice to retire. Ha! my Father! Oh Confufion! Enter Sir Jealous. Sir Fea. Hold, hold, Patch, whither are you going? I'll have no body ſtir out of the Room till after Supper. Patch. Sir, I was going to reach your eaſy Chair.- Oh, wretched Accident! Sir Fea. I'll have nobody ftir out of the Room. I don't want my Eafy Chair. Ifab. What will be the event of this? [Afide. Sir Fea. Hark ye, Daughter; do you know this Hand? Ifab. As I fufpected- Hand do you call it, Sir? 'Tis fome School-boy's Scraul. Patch. Oh Invention! Friend, affift me. Thou Chamber-maid's beft Sir Fea. Are you fure you don't underſtand it? [Patch feels in her Bofom, and shakes her Coats. Ifab. Do you underſtand it, Sir? Sir Fea. I wiſh I did. Ifab. The BUSY 103 BODY. Ifab. Thank Heaven you do not. [Afide.] Then I know no more of it than you do, indeed, Sir. Patch. Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what have you done, Sir? Why the Paper is mine, I drop'd it out of my Boſom. [Snatching it from him. Sir Fea. Ha! yours Miſtreſs? Ifab. What does ſhe mean by owning it? Patch. Yes, Sir, it is. Sir Fea. What is it? ſpeak. Patch. Yes, Sir, it is a Charm for the Tooth-ach—I have worn it theſe ſeven Years; 'twas given me by an Angel for ought I know, when I was raving with the Pain; for nobody knew from whence he came, nor whither he went: He charged me never to open it, left fome dire Vengeance befal me, and Heaven knows what will be the Event. Oh! cruel Misfortune, that I ſhou'd drop it, and you ſhould open it-If you had not open'd it- Ifab. Excellent Wench! [Afide. Sir Jea. Pox of your Charms and Whims for me; if that be all, 'tis well enough; there, there, burn it, and I warrant you no Vengence will follow. [Ajidc. Patch. So, all's right again thus far. Ifab. I wou'd not loſe Patch for the World—————I'll take Courage a little. [Afide.] Is this Ufage for your Daughter, Sir? Muft my Virtue and Conduct be fufpected for every Trifle? You immure me like fome dire Offender here, and deny me all the Recreations which my Sex enjoy, and the Cuſtom of the Country and Modefty allow; yet not content with that, you make my Confinement more into- lerable by your Miftrufts and Jealoufies; wou'd I were dead, fo I were free from this. Sir Fea. To-morrow rids you of this tireſome Load- Don Diego Babinetto will be here, and then my Care ends, and his begins. Ifab. Is he come then? Oh how ſhall I avoid this hated Marriage. Enter Servants with Supper. Sir Fea. Come, will you fit down? Ifab. I can't eat, Sir. [Afide. E 4 Patch. 104 BODY. The BUSY Patch. No, I dare fwear he has given her Supper enough. I wiſh I could get into the Cloſet- [Afide. Sir Feal. Well, if you can't eat, then give me a Song whilft I do. Ifab. I have fuch a Cold I can ſcarce ſpeak, Sir, much lefs fing. How ſhall I prevent Charles coming in? [Afide. Sir Feal. I hope you have the ufe of your Fingers, Madam. Play a Tune upon your Spinnet, whilſt your Woman fings me a Song. Patch. I'm as much out of Tune as my Lady, if he knew all. [Afide. Ifab. I fhall make excellent Mufic. [Sits down to play. Patch. Really Sir, I'm fo frighted about your opening this Charm, that I can't remember one Song. Sir Feal. Pish, hang your Charm: come, come, fing any thing. Patch. Yes, I'm likely to fing truly. [Aſide.] Humph, humph; bleſs me I cannot raiſe my Voice, my Heart pants fo. Sir Jeal. Why, what does your Heart pant ſo, that you can't play neither? Pray what Key are you in, ha? Patch. Ah, wou'd the Key were turn'd of you once.[Afide. Sir Feal. Why don't you fing I ſay? Patch. When Madam has put her Spinnet in Tune, Sir? humph, humph Ifab. I cannot play, Sir, whatever ails me. [Rifing. Sir Feal. Zounds fit down and play me a Tune, or I'll break your Spinnet about your Ears. Ifab. What will become of me? [Sits down and plays. Sir Feal. Come Miſtreſs. [To Patch. Patch. Yes, Sir. [Sings but horribly out of Tune. Sir Feal. Hey, hey, why you are a-top of the Houſe, and you are down in the Cellar. What is the Meaning of this? is it on purpoſe to croſs me, ha? Patch. Pray, Madam, take it a little lower, I cannot reach that Note- Nor any Note I fear. Ifab. Well, begin-Oh! Patch, we fhall be diſcover'd. Patch, I fing with the Apprehenfion, Madamn—humph, humph-[Sings.] [Charles pulls open the Clofet-door. Cha. Muſic and Singing. 'Tis thus the bright Celeſtial Court above Beguiles the Hours with Mufic and with Love. The BUSY BODY. 105 Death! her Father there! [The Women shriek] then I muſt fly-[Exit into the Clofet.] [Sir Jealous rifes up haftily, Seeing Charles flip back in the Clofet. Sir Fea. Hell and Furies, a Man in the Cloſet ! Patch. Ah! a Ghoſt, a Ghoſt he muft not enter the Clofet [Ifabinda throws herself down before the Clofet Door, as in a Swoon. Sir Fea. The Devil! I'll make a Ghoſt of him I warrant [Strives to get by. you. Patch. Oh Hold, Sir, have a care, you'll tread upon my Lady -Who waits there? Bring fome Water. Oh! this comes of your opening the Charm: Oh, oh, oh, oh. [Weeps aloud. Sir Fea. I'll charm you, Houſe-wife, here lies the Charm that conjur'd this Fellow in, I'm fure on't; come out you Rafcal, do ſo: Zounds take her from the Door, or I'll ſpurn her from it, and break your Neck down Stairs. Ifab. Oh, oh, where am I-He's gone, I heard him leap down. [Afide to Patch. -here, here Madam, Patch. Nay, then let him enter- ſmell to this; come, give me your Hand: come nearer to the Window, the Air will do you good. Sir Fea. I wou'd fhe were in her Grave, Where are you, Sirrah? Villain, Robber of my Honour! I'll pull you out of your Neft. [Goes into the Cloſet. Patch. You'll be miſtaken, old Gentleman, the Bird is flown. Ifab. I'm glad I have 'ſcap'd fo well. I was almoſt dead in earneſt with the Fright. Re-enter Sir Jealous out of the Closet. Sir Fea. Whoever the Dog were, he has eſcap'd out of the Window, for the Saſh is up. But tho' he has got out of my Reach, you are not. And firſt Mrs. Pander, with your Charms for the Tooth-ach, get out of my Houſe, go, troop; yet hold, ſtay, I'll ſee you out of my Doors myſelf, but Î'll ſecure your Charge ere I go. Ifab. What do you mean, Sir? Was fhe not a Creature of your own providing? Sir Fea. She was of the Devil's providing for aught I know. Patch. What have I done, Sir, to merit your Diſpleaſure? Sir Fea. I don't know which of you have done it; but you ſhall both ſuffer for it, till I can diſcover whoſe Guilt E 5 it 106 The BUSY BODY. it is: Go, get in there, I'll move you from this Side of the Houfe [Pushes Ifabinda in at the Door, and locks it: puts the Key into his Pocket] I'll keep the Key myſelf; I'll try what Ghoft will get into that Room. And now forfooth I'll wait on you down Stairs. Patch. Ah, my poor Lady-Down Stairs, Sir ! but I won't go out, Sir, till I have look'd up my Clothes. Sir Jea. If thou wer't as naked as thou wer't born, thou ſhould'ſt not ſtay to put on a Smock. Come along, I ſay? when your Miftrefs is marry'd, you ſhall have your Rags, and every thing that belongs to you; but till then- [Exit, pulling her out. Patch. Oh! barbarous Uſage for nothing! Re-enter at the lower end. Sir Fea. There, go, and come no more within Sight of my Habitation theſe three Days, I charge you. [Slaps the Door after her. Patch. Did ever any body fee fuch an old Monſter? Enter Charles. Patch. Oh! Mr. Charles, your Affairs and mine are in an ill Pofture. Cha. I am inur'd to the Frowns of Fortune: But what has befallen thee? Patch. Sir Jealous, whofe fufpicious Nature's always on the Watch; nay, even while one Eye fleeps, the other keeps Centinel; upon fight of you, flew into fuch a violent Paſ- fion, that I could find no Stratagem to appeaſe him; but in ſpite of all Arguments, lock'd his Daughter into his own Âpartment, and turn'd me out of Doors. Cha. Ha! oh, Ifabinda! Patch. And fwears fhe fhall neither fee Sun or Moon, till fhe is Don Diego Babinetto's Wife, who arrived laſt Night, and is expected with Impatience. Cha. He dies; yes, by all the Wrongs of Love he ſhall; here will I plant myſelf, and through my Breaſt he ſhall make his Paſſage, if he enters. Patch. A moft heroic Refolution. There might be Ways found out more to your Advantage. Policy is of- ten preferr❜d to open Force. Cha. I apprehend you not. Patch. What think you of perfonating this Spaniard, impofing The BUSY 107 BODY. impofing upon the Father, and marrying your Miſtreſs by his own Confent. Cha. Say'ft thou fo, my Angel! Oh cou'd that be done, my Life to come wou'd be too ſhort to recompenſe thee: But how can I do that, when I neither know what Ship he came in, or from what Part of Spain; who recom- mends him, or how attended? Patch. I can folve all this. He is from Madrid, his Father's Name Don Pedro Questo Portento Babinetto. Here's a Letter of his to Sir Jealous, which he dropt one Day! you underſtand Spanish, and the Hand may be counterfeited: You conceive me, Sir. Cha. My better Genius, thou haſt reviv'd my drooping Soul: I'll about it inftantly. Come to my Lodgings, and we'll concert Matters. [Exeunt. SCENE, a Garden-gate open, Scentwell waiting within. Enter Sir George Airy. Sir Geo. So, this is the Gate, and moft invitingly open: If there ſhould be a Blunderbuſs here now, what a dread- ful Ditty would my Fall make for Fools! and what a Jeſt for the Wits! how my Name would be roar'd about Streets! Well, I'll venture all. Scentw. Hift, hift! Sir George Airy- [Enters. Sir Geo. A Female Voice! thus far I'm fafe, my Dear. Scentw. No, I'm not your Dear, but I'll conduct you to her; give me your Hand; you muſt go thro' many a dark Paſſage and dirty Step before you arrive- Sir Geo. I know I muſt before I arrive at Paradiſe ; therefore be quick, my charming Guide. Scentw. For aught you know; come, come, your Hand and away. Sir Geo. Here, here, Child, you can't be half ſo ſwift as my Defires. SCENE, the House. Enter Miranda. Miran. Well, let me reaſon a little with Now don't I tranfgrefs all Rules to venture without the Advice of the grave and wife? rigid knaviſh Guardian, who would have To whom? even to his nauſeous ſelf, or [Exeunt. my mad felf. upon a Man But then a marry'd me! nobody. Sir George 108 The BUSY BODY. George is what I have try'd in Converſation, inquir'd into his Character, am ſatisfied in both. Then his Love! Who wou'd have given a hundred Pounds only to have feen a Woman he had not infinitely lov'd? So I find my liking him has furniſh'd me with Arguments enough of his Side; and now the only Doubt remains, whether he will come or no. Enter Scentwell. Scentw. That's refolv'd, Madam, for here's the Knight. [Exit Scentwell. Sir Geo. And do I once more behold that lovely Object, whoſe Idea fills my Mind, and forms my pleaſing Dreams! Miran. What! beginning again in Heroics!- -Sir George, don't you remember how little Fruit your laſt prodigal Oration produc'd? not one bare fingle Word in Anſwer. Sir Geo. Ha? the Voice of my Incognita- -Why did you take ten thouſand Ways to captivate a Heart your Eyes alone had vanquiſh'd? Miran. Prithee no more of theſe Flights; for our Time's but ſhort, and we muft fall to Bufinefs: Do you think we can agree on that fame terrible Bugbear, Ma- trimony, without heartily repenting on both Sides ! Sir Geo. It has been my Wifh fince firft my longing Eyes beheld ye. Miran. And your happy Ears drank in the pleaſing News, I had thirty thouſand Pounds. Sir Geo. Unkind! Did I not offer you in thoſe pur- chas'd Minutes to run the Riſk of your Fortune, ſo you wou'd but ſecure that lovely Perſon to my Arms? Miran. Well, if you have fuch Love and Tenderneſs, (fince our wooing has been ſhort) pray reſerve it for our future Days, to let the World fee we are Lovers after Wedlock; 'twill be a Novelty- Sir Geo. Hafte then, and let us tie the Knot, and prove the envy'd Pair- Miran. Hold, not fo faft, I have provided better than to venture on dangerous Experiments headlong-My Guardian, truſting to my diſſembled Love, has given up my Fortune to my own Diſpoſal; but with this Provifo, that he to-morrow Morning weds me. He is now gone to Doctor's-Commons for a Licence. Sir Geo. The BUSY BODY. 109 Sir Geo. Ha, a Licence! Miran. But I have planted Emiffaries that infallibly take him down to Epsom, under pretence that a Brother Ufurer of his is to make him his Executor; the thing on Earth he covets. Sir Geo. 'Tis his known Character. Miran. Now my Inftruments confirm him this Man is dying, and he fends me Word he goes this Minute; it muſt be to-morrow ere he can be undeceiv'd. That Time is ours. Sir Geo. Let us improve it then, and fettle on our coming Years, endleſs, endleſs Happineſs. Miran. I dare not ſtir till I hear he's on the Road- then I, and my Writings, the moſt material Point, are foon remov'd. Sir Geo. I have one Favour to afk, if it lies in your Power, you wou'd be a Friend to poor Charles, tho' the Son of this tenacious Man: he is as free from all his Vices, as Nature and a good Education can make him ; and what now I have Vanity enough to hope will induce you, he is the Man on Earth I love. Miran. I never was his Enemy, and only put it on as it help'd my Deſigns on his Father. If his Uncle's Eſtate ought to be in his Poffeffion, which I fhrewdly fufpect, I may do him a fingular Piece of Service. Sir Geo. You are all Goodneſs, Enter Scentwell. Scentw. Oh, Madam, my Maſter and Mr. Marplot are juſt coming into the Houſe. Miran. Undone, undone, if he finds you here in this Criſis, all my Plots are unravell'd. Sir Geo. What ſhall I do! can't I get back into the Garden? Scentw. Oh, no! he comes up thofe Stairs. Miran. Here, here, here! can you condeſcend to ſtand behind this Chimney-board, Sir George? Sir Geo. Any where, any where, dear Madam, without Ceremony. Scentw. Come, come, Sir; lie clofe [They put him behind the Chimney-board. [Enter IIO The BUSY BODY. Enter Sir Francis and Marplot; Sir Francis peeling an Orange. Sir Fran. I cou'd not go, though 'tis upon Life and Death, without taking leave of dear Chargy. Befides, this Fellow buzz'd in my Ears, that thou might'ft be ſo deſperate to ſhoot that wild Rake which haunts the Garden-gate; and that would bring us into Trouble, Dear Miran. So Marplot brought you back then; I am oblig'd to him for that, I'm ſure [Frowning at Marplot afide. Marpl. By her looks fhe means fhe's not oblig'd to me, I have done fome Miſchief now, but what I can't imagine. Sir Fran. Well, Chargy, I have had three Meſſengers to come to Epfom to my Neighbour Squeezum's, who, for all his vaſt Riches, is departing. [Sighs. Marpl. Ay, ſee what all you Ufurers muſt come to. Sir Fran. Peace ye young Knave! Some forty Years hence I may think on't- -But, Chargy, I'll be with thee to-morrow, before thofe pretty Eyes are open; I will, I will, Chargy, I'll roufe you, i'faith. --Here Mrs. Scentwell, lift up your Lady's Chimney-board, that I may throw my Peel in, and not litter her Chamber. Miran. Oh my Stars! what will become of us now? Scentw. Oh, pray Sir, give it me; I love it above all Things in Nature, indeed I do. Sir Fran. No, no, Huffey; you have the Green-Pip already, I'll have no Apothecary's Bills. Goes towards the Chimney-board. Miran. Hold, hold, hold, dear Gardy, I have a, a, a, a, a, Monkey, ſhut up there; and if you open it before the Man comes that is to tame it, 'tis fo wild 'twill break all my China, or get away, and that would break my Heart; for I'm fond on't to Diſtraction, next thee, dear Gardy. [In a flattering Tone. Sir Fran. Well, well, Chargy, I won't open it; fhe ſhall have her Monkey, poor Rogue; here, throw this Peel out of the Window. [Exit Scentwell. Marpl. A Monkey! dear Madam, let me fee it; I can tame a Monkey as well as the beft of them all. Oh how I love the little Miniatures of Man! Miran. The BUSY BOD Y. III Miran. Be quiet, Miſchief, and ſtand farther from the Chimney- You ſhall not ſee my Monkey- -why fure- [Striving with him. Marpl. For Heav'ns Sake, dear Madam, let me but peep, to ſee if it be as pretty as my Lady Fiddle-Faddle's. Has it got a Chain? Miran. Not yet, but I deſign it one ſhall laſt its Life- time: Nay, you ſhall not ſee it- -Look, Gardy, how he teazes me ! Sir Fran. [Getting between him and the Chimney.] Sirrah, Sirrah, let my Chargy's Monkey alone, or Bambo fhall fly about your Ears. What, is there no dealing with you? Marpl. Pugh, pox of this Monkey! here's a Rout: I wish he may rival you. Enter a Servant. Serv. Sir, they put two more Horſes to the Coach, as you ordered, and 'tis ready at the Door. Sir Fran. Well, I am going to be Executor, better for thee, Jewel. B'ye Chargy, one Bufs !- -I'm glad thou haft got a Monkey to divert thee a little. Miran. Thank'e dear Gardy— the Coach. Nay, I'll fee you to Sir Fran. That's kind, adod. Miran. Come along, Impertinence. [To Marplot. Marpl. [Stepping back.] Egad, I will fee the Monkey now. [Lifts up the Board, and difcovers Sir George.] Oh Lord, O Lord! Thieves, Thieves, Murder! Sir Geo. Dam'e, you unlucky Dog! 'tis I; which Way ſhall I get out! ſhew me inſtantly, or I'll cut your Throat. Marpl. Undone, undone! At that Door there. But hold, hold, break that China, and I'll bring you off. [He runs off at the Corner, and throws down fome China. Re-enter Sir Francis, Miranda, and Scentwell. Sir Fran. Mercy on me! What's the matter? Miran. Oh you Toad! what have you done? Marpl. No great Harm, I beg of you to forgive me. Longing to fee the Monkey, I did but juſt raiſe up the Board, and it flew over my Shoulders, ſcratch'd all my Face, broke yon China, and whiſk'd out of the Window. Sir Fran. Was ever fuch an unlucky Rogue! Sirrah, I forbid II2 The BUSY BODY. I forbid you my Houſe. Call the Servants to get the Monkey again; I wou'd ſtay myſelf to look it, but that you know my earneſt Buſineſs. Scentw. Oh my Lady will be the beſt to lure it back; all them Creatures love my Lady extremely. Miran. Go, go, dear Gardy, I hope I ſhall recover it. Sir Fran. B'ye, b'ye, Dear'e. Ah, Miſchief, how you look now! B'ye, b’ye. [Exit. Miran. Scentwell, fee him in the Coach, and bring me Word. Scentw. Yes, Madam. Miran. So, Sir, you have done your Friend a ſignal Piece of Service, I fuppofe. Marpl. Why look you, Madam; if I have committed a Fault, thank yourſelf; no Man is more ferviceable when I am let into a Secret, nor none more unlucky at finding it out. Who cou'd divine your Meaning? when you talk'd of a Blunderbufs, who thought of a Rendezvous? And when you talk'd of a Monkey, who the Devil dream't of Sir George? Miran. A Sign you converfe but little with our Sex, when you can't reconcile Contradictions. Enter Scentwell. Scentw. He's gone, Madam, as faſt as the Coach and Six can carry him. Enter Sir George. Sir Geo. Then I may appear. Marpl. Dear Sir George, make my Peace! On my Soul, I did not think of you. Sir Geo. I dare fwear thou didst not. Madam, I beg you to forgive him. Miran. Well, Sir George, if he can be fecret. Marpl. Ods heart, Madam, I'm as fecret as a Prieſt when I'm truſted. Sir Geo. Why 'tis with a Prieſt our Buſineſs is at pre- fent. Scentw. Madam, here's Mrs. Ifabinda's Woman to wait on you. Miran. Bring her up. Enter Patch. How do'e Mrs. Patch? What News from your Lady? Patch. The BUSY BODY. 113 Patch. That's for your private Ear, Madam. Sir George, there's a Friend of yours has an urgent Occaſion for your Affiſtance. Sir Geo. His Name. Patch. Charles. Marpl. Ha! then there's fomething a-foot that I know nothing of. I'll wait on you, Sir George. Sir Geo. A third Perfon may not be proper, perhaps ; as ſoon as I have diſpatch'd my own Affairs, I am at his Service. I'll fend my Servant to tell him I'll wait upon him in half an Hour. Miran. How come you employ'd in this Meſſage, Mrs. Patch? Patch. Want of Buſineſs, Madam; I am diſcharg'd by my Maſter, but hope to ſerve my Lady ſtill. Miran. How! diſcharg'd! you muſt tell me the whole Story within. Patch. With all my Heart, Madam. Marpl. Pish! Pox, I wish I were fairly out of the Houſe. I find Marriage is the End of this Secret: And now I am half mad to know what Charles wants him for. [Afide. Sir Geo. Madam, I'm doubly prefs'd by Love and Friendship: This Exigence admits of no Delay. Shall we make Marplot of the Party? Miran. If you'll run the Hazard, Sir George; I believe he means well. Marpl. Nay, nay, for my Part, I defire to be let into nothing; I'll be gone, therefore pray don't miſtruſt me. [Going. Sir Geo. So, now he has a mind to be gone to Charles: But not knowing what Affairs he may have upon his Hands at prefent, I'm refolv'd he ſhan't ftir. -Ño, Mr. Marplot, you muſt not leave us, we want a third Perſon. [Takes hold of him. Marpl. I never had more Mind to be gone in my Life. Miran. Come along then; if we fail in the Voyage, thank yourſelf for taking this ill-ftarr'd Gentleman on board. Sir Geo. That Vejel ne'er can unsuccessful prove, Whofe Freight is Beauty, and whofe Pilot Love. 8 VOL. II. ACT 114 The BUSY BODY. ACT V. Enter Miranda, Patch and Scentwell. Miran. Wold Thing; my Fate is determin'd, and Expectation is no more. Now to avoid the Imper- tinence and Roguery of an old Man, I have thrown myſelf into the Extravagance of a young one; if he ſhould deſpiſe, flight, or uſe me ill, there's no Remedy from a Huſband but the Grave; and that's a terrible Sanctuary to one of my Age and Conſtitution. ELL, Patch, I have done a ſtrange Patch. O fear not, Madam, you'll find your Account in Sir George Airy; it is impoffible a Man of Senfe ſhould uſe a Woman ill, endued with Beauty, Wit and Fortune. It muſt be the Lady's Fault, if fhe does not wear the unfaſhionable Name of Wife eaſy, when nothing hut Complaiſance and Good-humour is requiſite on either Side to make them happy. Miran. I long till I am out of this Houſe, left any Accident fhou'd bring my Guardian back. Scentwell, put my beſt Jewels into the little Caſket, flip them into thy Pocket, and let us march off to Sir Jealous's. Scentw. It fhall be done, Madam. [Exit Scentwell. Patch. Sir George will be impatient, Madam; if their Plot fucceeds, we ſhall be received; if not, he will be able to protect us. Befides, I long to know how my young Lady fares. Miran. Farewel, old Mammon, and thy detefted Walls; 'twill be no more fweet Sir Francis; I fhall be compell'd to the odious Taſk of diffembling no longer to get my own, and coax him with the wheedling Names of my Precious, my Dear, dear Gardy. O Heavens ! Enter Sir Francis behind. Sir Fran. Ah, my fweet Chargy, don't be frighted. [She starts.] But thy poor Gardy has been abus'd, cheated, fool'd, betray'd, but nobody knows by whom. Miran. Undone ! paſt Redemption. [Afide. Sir Fran. What, won't you ſpeak to me, Chargy? Miran. I am ſo ſurpriz'd with Joy to fee you, I know not what to ſay. Sir Fran. Poor dear Girl! but do'e know that my Son, or The BUSY BODY. 115 or fome fuch Rogue, to rob or murder me, or both, con- triv'd this Journey? For upon the Road I met my Neigh- bour Squeezum well, and coming to Town. Miran. Good lack! good lack! what Tricks are there in this World! Enter Scentwell, with a Diamond Necklace in her Hand; not ſeeing Sir Francis. Scent. Madam, be pleas'd to tie this Necklace on, for I can't get into the- [Seeing Sir Francis. Miran. The Wench is a Fool, I think! cou'd you not have carried it to be mended, without putting it in the Box? Sir Fran. What's the matter? Miran. Only Dear'e, I bid her, I bid her- -Your ill Uſage has put every thing out of my Head. But won't you go, Gardy, and find out theſe Fellows, and have them puniſhed? and, and- Sir Fran. Where fhou'd I look them, Child? No, I'll fit me down contented with my Safety, nor ftir out of my own Doors, till I go with thee to a Parfon. Miran. [Afide.] If he goes into his Cloſet, I am ruin'd. Oh! blefs me, in this Fright, I had forgot Mrs. Patch. Patch. Ay, Madam, I ftay for your ſpeedy Anſwer. Miran. [Afide.] I muſt get him out of the Houſe. Now affift me Fortune. Sir Fran. Mrs. Patch! I profefs I did not ſee you: How doft thou do, Mrs. Patch? Well, don't you repent leaving my Chargy. -but I Patch. Yes, every body must love her Madam, what did I come for? My Invention is at the laſt Ebb. [Afide to Miranda. came now- Sir Fran. Nay, never whiſper, tell me. Miran. She came, dear Gardy, to invite me to her Lady's Wedding, and you ſhall go with me, Gardy, 'tis to be done this Moment to a Spaniſh Merchant: Old Sir Jealous keeps on his Humour, the firſt Minute he ſees her, the next he marries her. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! I'd go if I thought the ſight of Matrimony wou'd tempt Chargy to perform her Promiſe : There was a Smile, there was a conſenting Look with thoſe pretty Twinklers, worth a Million. Ods- precious, 116 The BUSY BODY. precious, I am happier than the Great Mogul, the Emperor of China, or all the Potentates that are not in the Wars. Speak, confirm it, make me leap out of my Skin. Miran. When one has_refolv'd, 'tis in vain to ſtand, ſhall I ſhall I; if ever I marry, pofitively this is my Wedding-day. Sir Fran. Oh! happy, happy Man- Verily I will beget a Son the firft Night, fhall difinherit that Dog Charles. I have Eftate enough to purchaſe a Barony, and be the immortalizing the whole Family of the Gripes. Miran. Come then, Gardy, give me thy Hand, let's to this Houſe of Hymen. My Choice is fixt, let good or ill betide. Sir Fran. The joyful Bridegroom I, Miran. And I the happy Bride. Enter Sir Jealous, meeting a Servant. [Exeunt. Serv. Sir, here's a Couple of Gentlemen enquire for you; one of them calls himſelf Seignior Diego Babinetto. Sir Feal. Ha! Seignior Babinetto! Admit 'em inftantly -Joyful Minute; I'll have my Daughter marry'd to-night. Enter Charles in a Spaniſh Habit, with Sir George dreſt like a Merchant. Sir Jeal. Senior, befo las Menas vueftra merced es muy bein venido en esta tierra. Cha. Senior, foy muy humilde, y muy obligado Cryado de vueftra merced: Mi Padre embia a vueftra merced, los mas profondos de fus refpetos; y a Commiffionada efte Mer- cadel Ingles, de concluyr un negocio, que me Haze el mas dichofo hombre del mundo, Haziendo me fu yerno. Sir Feal. I am glad on't, for I find I have loft much of my Spanish. Sir, I am your moſt humble Servant. Seignior Don Diego Babinetto has informed me that you are commif- fioned by Seignior Don Pedro, &c. his worthy Father. Sir Geo. To ſee an Affair of Marriage confummated be- tween a Daughter of yours and Signior Diego Babinetto his Son here. True, Sir, ſuch a Truſt is repos'd in me, as that Letter will inform you. I hope 'twill paſs upon him. [Afide.] [Gives him a Letter. [Sir Feal. The BUSY BODY. 117 [Seems to read. Sir Jeal. Ay, 'tis his Hand. Sir Geo. Good-you have counterfeited to a Nicety, Charles. [Afide to Charles. Cha. If the whole Plot fucceeds as well, I'm happy. [Afide to Sir George. Sir Feal. Sir, I find by this, that you are a Man of Ho- nour and Probity; I think Sir, he calls you Meanwell. Sir Geo. Meanwell is my Name, Sir. Sir Feal. A very good Name, and very fignificant. Cha. Yes Faith, if he knew all. [Afide. Sir Feal. For to mean well is to be honeſt, and to be honeft is the Virtue of a Friend, and a Friend is the De- light and Support of human Society. Sir Geo. You fhall find that I'll diſcharge the Part of a Friend in what I have undertaken, Sir Jealous. Cha. But little does he think to whom. [Afide. Sir Geo. Therefore, Sir, I muſt intreat the Preſence of your Daughter, and the Affiftance of your Chaplain; for Seignior Don Pedro ftrictly enjoin'd me to fee the Marriage Rites perform'd as foon as we ſhou'd arrive, to avoid the accidental Overtures of Venus! Sir Feal. Overtures of Venus ! Sir Geo. Ay, Sir, that is, thoſe little hawking Females that traverſe the Park, and the Play-houſe, to put off their damag'd Ware- they faften upon Foreigners like Leeches, and watch their Arrival as carefully as the Ken- tish Men do a Ship-wreck. I warrant you they have heard of him already. Sir Feal. Nay, I know this Town fwarms with them. Sir Geo. Ay, and then you know the Spaniards are natural- ly amorous, but very conſtant, the first Faces fixes 'em ; and it may be very dangerous to let him ramble ere he is tied. Cha. Well hinted. [Afide. Sir Feal. Pat to my Purpoſe- Well, Sir, there is but one thing more, and they ſhall be married inſtantly. Cha. Pray Heaven that one thing more don't ſpoil all. [Afide. Sir Feal. Don Pedro writ one Word in his laſt but one, that he defign'd the Sum of five thouſand Crowns by way of Jointure for my Daughter: and that it ſhou'd be paid into my Hand upon the Day of Marriage. Cha, Oh! the Devil, [Afide. Sir 118 The BUSY BODY. Sir Fea. In order to lodge it in ſome of our Funds in caſe ſhe ſhould become a Widow, and return for England. Sir Geo. Pox on't, this is an unlucky Turn. What ſhall I fay? [Afide. Sir Fea. And he does not mention one Word of it in this Letter. Cha. I don't know how he fhould. [Afide. Sir Geo. Humph! True, Sir Jealous, he told me ſuch a Thing, but, but, but, but- -he, he, he, he- he did not imagine you wou'd infift upon the very Day; for, for, for, for Money you know is dangerous returning by Sea, an, an, an, an Cha. Zounds, ſay we have brought it in Commodities. [Afide to Sir George. Sir Geo. And fo, Sir, he has fent it in Merchandize, Tobacco, Sugars, Spices, Lemons, and ſo forth, which ſhall be turn'd into Money with all Expedition: In the mean time, Sir, if you pleaſe to accept of my Bond for Per- formance- Sir Feal. It is enough, Sir; I am ſo pleas'd with the Countenance of Seignior Diego, and the Harmony of your Name, that I'll take your Word, and will fetch my Daugh- ter this Moment. Within there! [Enter Servant.] deſire Mr. Tackum, my Neighbour's Chaplain, to walk hither. Serv. Yes, Sir. Sir Feal. Gentlemen, I'll return in an Inſtant. Cha. Wondrous well, let me embrace thee. [Exit. [Exit. Sir Geo. Egad that five thouſand Crowns had like to have ruin'd the Plot. Cha. But that's over! And if Fortune throws no more Rubs in our way- Sir Geo. Thoul't carry the Prize- comes. -But hift, here he Enter Sir Jealous, dragging in Ifabinda. Sir Feal. Come along, you ſtubborn Baggage you, come along. Ifab. Oh, hear me, Sir! hear me but ſpeak one Word; Do not deſtroy my everlaſting Peace : My Soul abhors this Spaniard you have chofe, Nor can I wed him without being curſt. Sir Feal. How's that! Ifab. The BUSY BODY. 119 Ifab. Let this Poſture move your tender Nature. [Kneels. For ever will I hang upon theſe Knees : Nor looſe my Hands till you cut off the Hold, If you refuſe to hear me, Sir. Cha. Oh! that I cou'd diſcover myſelf to her! [Afide. Sir Geo. Have a care what you do. You had better truſt to his Obſtinacy. [Afide. Sir Feal. Did you ever fee fuch a perverfe Slut? Off, I fay; Mr. Meanwell, pray help me a little. Sir Geo. Rife, Madam, and do not difoblige your Fa- ther, who has provided a Hufband worthy of you, one that will love you equal with his Soul, and one that you will love when once you know him. Ifab. Oh! never, never. Cou'd I ſuſpect that Falſhood in my Heart, I wou'd this Moment tear it from my Breaſt, and ſtraight preſent him with the treacherous Part. Cha. Oh! my charming faithful Dear. [Afide. Sir Feal. Falfhood! why who the Devil are you in love with? Don't provoke me, or by St. Iägo I fhall beat you, Hufwife. Cha. Heaven forbid; for I fhall infallibly diſcover my- felf if he ſhould. Sir Geo. Have Patience, Madam! and look at him: Why will ye prepoffefs yourſelf againſt a Man that is Maſter of all the Charms you wou'd defire in a Huſband? Sir Feal. Ay, look at him, Iſabinda; Senior paſe vind adelante. Cha. My Heart bleeds to fee her grieve, whom I ima- gin'd wou'd with Joy receive ine. Seniora obligue me · vueftra merced de fu mano. Sir Feal. [Pulling up her Head.] Hold up your Head, hold up your Head, Hufwife, and look at him: Is there a properer, handſomer, better-fhap'd Fellow in England, ye Jade you? Ha! ſee, ſee the obſtinate Baggage fhuts her Eyes; by St. Jägo, I have a good mind to beat 'em out. [Pushes her down. Ifab. Do, then, Sir, kill me, kill me inſtantly. 'Tis much the kinder Action of the Two; For 'twill be worſe than Death to wed him. Sir Geo. Sir Jealous, you are too paffionate. Give me leave, I'll try by gentle Words to work her to your Purpoſe. Sir Feal. I pray do, Mr. Meanwell, I pray do; fhe'll break I 20 The BUSY BODY. break my Heart. [Weeps.] There is in that, Jewels of the Value of 3000l. which were her Mother's, and a Paper wherein I have fettled one half of my Eftate upon her now, and the whole when I die; but provided ſhe marries this Gentleman; elſe by St. Tägo I'll turn her out of Doors to beg or ſtarve. Tell her this, Mr. Meanwell, pray do. [Walks off. -Trust me, Sir Geo. Ha! this is beyond Expectation- Sir, I'll lay the dangerous Confequence of difobeying you at this Juncture before her, I warrant you. Cha. A fudden Joy runs through my Heart like a pro- pitious Omen. [Afide. Sir Geo. Come, Madam, do not blindly caft your Life away juſt in the Moment you would wish to fave it. Ifab. Pray, ceaſe your Trouble, Sir; I have no Wiſh but fudden Death to free me from this hated Spaniard. If you are his Friend, inform him what I ſay; my Heart is given to another Youth, whom I love with the fame ftrength of Paffion that I hate this Diego; with whom, if I am forc'd to wed, my own Hand ſhall cut the Gordian Knot. Sir Geo. Suppofe this Spaniard, which you ſtrive to fhun, ſhould be the very Man to whom you'd fly? Ifab. Ha! Šir Geo. Would you not blame your raſh Reſolve, and curſe your Eyes that would not look on Charles? Ifab. On Charles! Oh, you have inſpired new Life, and collected every wandring Senfe. Where is he? Oh! let [Rifes. me fly into his Arms. Sir Geo. Hold, hold, hold. 'Sdeath, Madam, you'll ruin all; your Father believes him to be Seignior Babinetto: Compoſe yourſelf a little pray, Madam. [He runs to Sir Jealous. Afide. Cha. Her Eyes declare ſhe knows me. Sir Geo. She begins to hear Reaſon, Sir; the Fear of being turned out of Doors has done it. [Runs back to Iſabinda. Ifab. 'Tis he! Oh, my raviſh'd Soul ! Šir Geo. Take heed, Madam, you don't betray yourſelf. Seem with Reluctance to confent, or you are undone ; [Runs to Sir Jealous] ſpeak gently to her, I'm ſure ſhe'll yield, I ſee it in her Face. Sir Jea. The BUSY BODY. 121 Sir Fea. Well, Ifabinda, can you refufe to bleſs a Father, whoſe only Care is to make you happy, as Mr. Meanwell has inform'd you? Come, wipe thy Eyes, nay prithee do, or thou wilt break thy Father's Heart: See, thou bring'ſt the Tears in mine, to think of thy undutiful Carriage to me. [Weeps. Ifab. Oh! do not weep, Sir, your Tears are like a Ponyard to my Soul; do with me what you pleaſe, I am all Obedience. Sir Fea. Ha! then thou art my Child again. Sir Geo. 'Tis done, and now, Friend, the Day's thy own. Cha. The happieſt of my Life, if nothing intervene. Sir Fea. And wilt thou love him? Ifab. I will endeavour it, Sir. Enter Servant. Serv. Sir, here's Mr. Tackum. Sir Fea. Shew him into the Parlour- Senior tome vind fueipora; cette Momento les juntta les Manos. [Gives her to Charles. Cha. Oh Tranſport !-Senior yo la recibo Como fe devo un Tefero tan Grande. Oh! my Joy, my Life, my Soul. [Embrace. Ifab. My faithful everlaſting Comfort. Sir Jea. Now, Mr. Meanwell, let's to the Parſon. Who, by his Art, will join this Pair for Life, Make me the happiest Father, her the happiest Wife. [Exeunt. SCENE changes to the Street before Sir Jealous's Door, Enter Marplot, Solus. Marpl. I have hunted all over the Town for Charles, but can't find him; and by Whifper's fcouting at the End of the Street, I ſuſpect he muſt be in the Houſe again. I am inform'd too, that he has borrowed a Spanish Habit out of the Play-houſe: What can it mean? Enter a Servant of Sir Jealous's to him, out of the Houſe. Hark'e, Sir, do you belong to this Houfe? Serv. Yes, Sir. Marlp. Pray can you tell me if there be a Gentleman in it in Spanish Habit? Serv. There's a Spanish Gentleman within, that is juſt a going to marry my young Lady, Sir. F Marpl 122 The BUSY BODY. Marpl. Are you fure he is a Spaniſh Gentleman ? Serv. I am fure he ſpeaks no English, that I hear of. Marpl. Then that can't be him I want; for 'tis an En- glish Gentleman, tho' I fuppoſe he may be dreſs'd like a Spaniard, that I enquire after. Serv. Ha! who knows but this may be an Impoftor? I'll inform my Maſter; for if he ſhou'd be impos'd upon, he'll beat us all round. [Afide.] Pray, come in, Sir, and fee if this be the Perfon you enquire for. SCENE changes to the inſide of the House. Enter Marplot. Marpl. So, this was a good Contrivance: If this be Charles, now will he wonder how I found him out. Enter Servant and Sir Jealous. Sir Fea. What is your earneſt Buſineſs, Blockhead, that you muſt ſpeak with me before the Ceremony's paſt ? ´Ha ! who's this? Serv. Why this Gentleman, Sir, wants another Gen- tleman in a Spanish Habit, he fays. Sir Fea. In Spaniſh Habit ! 'tis fome Friend of Seignior Don Diego's, I warrant. Sir, I fuppofe you wou'd ſpeak with Seignior Babinetto Marpl. Hey day! what the Devil does he ſay now!- Sir, I don't underſtand you. Sir Fea. Don't you underſtand Spaniſh, Sir? Marpl. Not I, indeed, Sir. Sir Fea. I thought you had known Seignior Babinetto. Marpl. Not I, upon my Word, Sir. Sir Fea. What then, you'd ſpeak with his Friend, the English merchant Mr. Meanwell? Marpl. Neither, Sir, not I. Sir Fea. Why, who are you then, Sir? And what do you want? [In an angry Tone. Marpl. Nay, nothing at all, not I, Sir. Pox on him! I wish I were out, he begins to exalt his Voice, I ſhall be beaten again. Sir Fea. Nothing at all, Sir! neſs have you in my Houfe? ha! Why, then, what Bufi- Serv. The BUSY BODY. 123 爨 ​bit. Serv. You faid you wanted a Gentleman in Spaniſh Ha- Marpl. Why, ay, but his Name is neither Babinetto, nor Meanwell. Sir Fea. What is his Name, then, Sirrah? ha? Now I look at you again, I believe you are the Rogue that threatened me with half a dozen Myrmidons-Speak, Sir, who is it you look for? or, or Marpl. A terrible old Dog!Why, Sir, only an honeft young Fellow of my Acquaintance- Í thought that here might be a Ball, and that he might have been here in a Maſquerade; 'tis Charles, Sir Francis Gripe's Son, becauſe I know he us'd to come hither fometimes. Sir Jea. Did he fo?-Not that I know of, I'm ſure. Pray Heaven that this be Don Diego- If I fhou'd be trick'd now- Ha! my Heart mifgives me plaguily— Within there! Stop the Marriage- -Run, Sirrah, call all my Servants! I'll be ſatisfied that this is Seignior Pe- dro's Son, ere he has my Daughter. Marpl. Ha! Sir George! what have I done now? Enter Sir George with a drawn Sword between the Scenes. Sir Geo. Ha! Marplot here—Oh the unlucky Dog What's the matter, Sir Jealous? Sir Jea. Nay, I don't know the Matter, Mr. Meanwell, Marpl. Upon my Soul, Sir George [Going up to Sir George. Sir Jea. Nay, then, I'm betray'd, ruin'd, undone: Thieves, Traytors, Rogues! [Offers to go in.] Stop the Marriage, I ſay- Sir Geo. I ſay go on, Mr. Tackum -Nay, no entering here, I guard this Paffage, old Gentleman; the Act and Deed were both your own, and I'll fee 'em fign'd, or die for't. Enter Servants. Sir Fea. A Pox on the Act and Deed! knock him down. -Fall on, Sir Geo. Ay, come on Scoundrels! I'll prick your Jack- ets for you. Sir Jea. Zounds, Sirrah, I'll be reveng'd on you. F 2 [Beats Marplot. Sir Geo. 124 The BUSY BODY. Sir Geo. Ay, there your Vengeance is due; Ha, ha! Marpl. Why, what do you beat me for? I han't mar- ry'd your Daughter. Sir Fea. Rafcals! why don't you knock him down? Serv. We are afraid of his Sword, Sir; if you'll take that from him, we'll knock him down preſently. Enter Charles and Ifabinda. Sir Fea. Seize her then. Cha. Rafcals, retire; fhe's my Wife, touch her if you dare, I'll make Dogs-meat of you. Sir Fea. Ah! downright Engliſh :-Oh, oh, oh, oh! Enter Sir Francis Gripe, Miranda, Patch, Scentwell, and Whiſper. Sir Fran. Into the Houſe of Joy we enter without knocking Ha! I think 'tis the Houfe of Sorrow, Sir Fealous. : Sir Fea. Oh Sir Francis! are you come? What, was this your Contrivance, to abuſe, trick, and chouſe me out of my Child ! Sir Fran. My Contrivance ! what do you mean? Sir Fea. No, you don't know your Son there in Spanish Habit? Sir Fran. How! my Son in Spanish Habit! Sirrah, you'll come to be hang'd; get out of my Sight, ye Dog! get out of my Sight. Sir Fea. Get out of your Sight, Sir! Get out with your Bags? let's fee what you'll give him now to maintain my Daughter on. Sir Fran. Give him? he fhall never be the better for a Penny of mine- and you might have look'd after your Daughter better, Sir Jealous. Trick'd, quotha! Egad, I think you deſign'd to trick me: But look ye, Gen- tlemen, I believe I fhall trick you both. This Lady is my Wife, do you fee; and my Eſtate ſhall deſcend only to the Heirs of her Body. Sir Geo. Lawfully begotten by me- tremely oblig'd to you, Sir Francis. I fhall be ex- Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, ha! poor Sir George! You fee your Project was of no Ufe. Does not your hundred Pound ſtick in your Stomach? Ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. The BUSY BODY. 125 Sir Geo. No faith, Sir Francis, this Lady has given me a Cordial for that. [Takes her by the Hand. Sir Fran. Hold, Sir, you have nothing to ſay to this Lady. Sir Geo. Nor you nothing to do with my Wife, Sir. Sir Fran. Wife Sir ! Miran. Ay really, Guardian, 'tis even fo. you'll forgive my firſt Offence. I hope Sir Fran. What, have you chous'd me out of my Con- fent, and your Writings then, Miſtreſs, ha? Miran. Out of nothing but my own, Guardian. Sir Fea. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis fome Comfort at leaſt to ſee you are over-reach'd as well as myſelf. Will you fettle your Eſtate upon your Son now? Sir Fran. He fhall ftarve firſt. Miran. That I have taken care to prevent. There, Sir, is the Writings of your Uncle's Eftate, which has been your due theſe three Years. [Gives Charles Papers. Cha. I fhall ftudy to deſerve this Favour. Sir Fran. What, have you robb'd me too, Miftrefs! Egad I'll make you reſtore 'em- Hufwife, I will ſo. Sir Jea. Take care I don't make you pay the Arrears, Sir. 'Tis well it's no worſe, fince 'tis no better. young Man, ſeeing thou haſt outwitted me, take her, and bless thee both Come, Cha. I hope, Sir, you'll beſtow your Bleffing too, 'tis all I'll afk. Sir Fran. Confound you all! Marpl. Mercy upon us, how he looks! [Kneels. [Exit. Sir Geo. Ha, ha! ne'er mind his Curfes, Charles; thou'lt thrive not one Jot the worſe for 'em. Since this Gentleman is reconcil'd, we are all made happy. Sir Fea. I always lov'd Precaution, and took care to avoid Dangers. But when a thing was paſt, I ever had Philofophy enough to be eaſy. Cha. Which is the true Sign of a great Soul; I lov'd your Daughter, and ſhe me, and you fhall have no Reaſon to repent her Choice. Ifab. You'll not blame me, Sir, for loving my own Country beft. Marpl. So, here's every body happy, I find, but poor Pilgarlick. F 3 126 The BUSY BODY. Pilgarlick. I wonder what Satisfaction I ſhall have, for being cuff'd, kick'd, and beaten in your Service. Sir Fea. I have been a little too familiar with you, as Things are fallen out; but ſince there's no help for't, you muſt forgive me. Marpl. Egad, I think fo be not fo familiar for the future. -but provided that you Sir Geo. Thou haſt been an unlucky Rogue. Marpl. But very honeſt. Cha. That I'll vouch for; and freely forgive thee. Sir Geo. And I'll do you one Piece of Service more, Marplot. I'll take Care that Sir Francis makes you Maſter of your Eftate. Marpl. That will make me as happy as any of you. Patch. Your humble Servant begs leave to remind you, Madam. Ifab. Sir, I hope you'll give me leave to take Patch into Favour again. Sir Fea. Nay, let your Huſband look to that, I have done with my care. Cha. Her own Liberty ſhall always oblige me. Here's nobody but honeft Whisper and Mrs. Scentwell to be pro- vided for now. It fhall be left to their Choice to marry, or keep their Services. Whis. Nay then, I'll ſtick to my Maſter. Scentw. Coxcomb! and I prefer my Lady before a Footman. Sir Jea. Hark, I hear the Mufic, the Fidlers fmell a Wedding. What ſay you, young Fellows, will you have a Dance? Sir Geo. With all my Heart; call 'em in. A DAN CE. Sir Fea. Now let us in and refreſh ourſelves with a chearful Glaſs, in which we will bury all Animoſities: And By my Example let all Parents move, And never ftrive to cross their Childrens Love; But ftill fubmit that Care to Providence above. MARPLOT. MARPLOT IN LISBON: Or, the Second PART of the BUSY BODY. A COMEDY. 鮮 ​Dramatis Perfonæ. MARPLOT, ΜΕ Ν. Mr. WOODWARD. Colonel Ravelin, an Engliſh Officer, Mr. DEXTER. Charles, Mr. JEFFERSON. Don Lopez, a Grandee of Portugal, Mr. REED. Don Perriera, a Merchant, Lorenzo, his Servant, Corregidor, Mr. HAYS. Mr. HAMILTON. Mr. KNIPE. Servants, Bravoes, &c. WOMEN. Donna Perriera,Wife to D. Perriera, Mrs. DANCER. Margaritta, her Duenna, Madem. Foneton Marton, her Sifter, Sufan, her Maid, Mrs. WALKER. An affected French Lady Mrs. KENNEDY. of Fortune, Mifs OSBORNE. Mrs. PACKENHAM. SCENE, the Terriera de Paffa, in Liſbon. MARPLOT I ! IN ISBO N. > · ACT I. SCENE I. SCENE, the Terriera de Paffa in Liſbon. Enter Don Lopez, and Don Perriera. Don Per. W H Y, Brother, you are diſtracted; how often have you fill'd my Brain with theſe Chimeras? Why fhou'd I murder my Wife without a Cauſe? Don Lop. A Caufe! Does a Cuckold want a Cauſe? Don Per. Look ye, Senior, keep that Word Cuckold between your Teeth, 'till you can prove me fuch, or by St. Anthony you ſhall feel what Mettle my Spado is made of. [Laying his Hand to his Sword. Don Lop. Name your Spado again, and I'll ſhake thee into Duft, thou feeble Dotard. Your Spado! Employ it againſt the Man that robs you of your Honour, and not againſt him that wou'd preſerve it. I fay, my Sifter, your" Wife, is a Strumpet, the Strumpet of a damn'd Heretick: I ſaw the Looks, nay the Signs, fhe gave fome of the English Officers, as fhe came from Church this Morning. Don Per. Engliſh Officers! Don Lop. English I'm fure they were, I can't fwear they were all Officers, nor cou'd I perceive which ſhe ſigned to, or he ſhou'd not live to meet her Wiſhes.-Now, if you don't like the Name of Cuckold, find another for the Huíband of a Whore, if you can.-For my Part, I know of none, but 9 VOL. II. F 5 130 MARPLOT. but this I know, if you won't puniſh her as a Wife, I will as a Sifter; ſhe ſhall not ſtain the Honour of my Houſe this Way; fhe injur'd it too much in marrying you. I ſhall purſue my own Method, and ſo farewel. [Going. Don Per. So, there's the Bleffing of matching into an honourable Family: now muft I bear all Affronts patient- ly, becauſe I am but a Merchant, forfooth.—Oh, give me any Curſe but this-Pray, Senior, give me Leave to ſpeak one Word to you: I am convinced of my too much Indulgence for this very Cockatrice, and there remains nothing to quicken my Revenge, but certain Demonſtra- tion. Don Lop. Certain Demonſtration! muſt you have ocu- lar Proof? Muft your Coward Heart be animated with the Sight? A Curfe of your Equivocations. Don Per. No, any other Senſe will ferve; let me hear 'em, feel 'em, nay fmell 'em, and fure Cuckoldom is fo rank a Scent, that tho' I lived in England, where they ſcarce breathe any other Air, I cou'd diftinguiſh it. Don Lop. Now you talk like a Portugueſe; keep up this Paffion, and fecure the Honour of your Houſe and mine, and deſerve the Alliance of my Blood; it fhall be my Care to fix them. [Exit. Don Per. And when they are fo, mine to execute. [Exit. Enter Charles meeting Colonel Ravelin. Cha. Colonel Ravelin! Rav. Charles Gripe! honeft Charles, how doft thou do, Boy? Why, what brought thee to Liſbon? Cha. Part of the Cauſe that brought you, Colonel. Rav. What? art thou in the Army? Cha. No, Colonel, I leave Honour to you. Intereſt brought me. Rav. They are Twin-Brothers, Charles; if Intereſt did not drive, Honour wou'd come flowly on Art thou turn'd Merchant then? Cha. No, Faith, not I; but it pleaſed Heaven to take my Wife's Father out of the Way, who left me Executor, and his Concerns here oblig'd me to take this Voyage. Rav. So then, old Sir Jealous Traffick is dead at laſt. How long do you intend to ſtay? Cha. Longer than I expected when I embark'd: I came MARPLOT. 131 came away in fuch a Hurry, the Ship failing ſooner than I thought ſhe would, I forgot to put up fome Papers, with- out which I can't adjuft my Accounts with fome Mer- chants here; I have writ to my Wife to fend them. Rav. That was very unlucky; prithee, how doft thou ſpend thy Time ? Cha. Very infipidly: How do you paſs yours? what Company have you here? Rav. All Sorts; the Women, I'll fay that for 'em, are kind enough, and won't put you to the Expence of ſwear- ing and lying to gain them: But I have got acquainted in a French Family, which are not altogether ſo dangerous one way, but much more ſo another. Cha. Ay! how's that, Colonel? Rav. Why I'm fearful of dwindling into an honourable Amour there. This French Woman has found the way to unite my jarring Inclinations, and tune 'em to the Pitch of Conftancy, and I am very apprehenfive of becoming that tame Monſter, called a Huſband. Ah! I find I am caught, for I can name that terrible Word without ftart- ing. Cha. Ha, ha, ha! I ſhall have you in my Claſs: Sure the Lady that can make ſuch an entire Conqueft over your Heart, muſt be a Perſon of extraordinary Parts, Colonel. Rav. Yes, Faith, her Ladyſhip has very extraordinary Parts; fhe's airy to Affectation, and changeable as the Winds: She has Tongue enough for a Lawyer, but as hard to be underſtood as an Apothecary: She begins as many Stories as a Romance, and ends them as intricately, or, to fpeak more properly, feldom ends them at all: She's as whimſical as a Projector, as obftinate as a Phy- fician, and as faithful as the Monarch of her Country. Cha. Admirable Qualities for a Wife; and can you forfake the whole Sex for this Woman? Rav. Humph! that I won't fwear; but I find I can't forfake her for the whole Sex. To be plain with you, I have try'd the Strength of Variety, and at this Time am in Proſpect of the Favour from as fine a Woman as any in Liſbon; yet this Medley of Womankind triumphs over all, and in the midſt of my Raptures I murmur foneton. Cha. But may I not fee this wondrous Engineer, who can 132 MARPLOT. can countermine her whole Sex, and blow up the Maga- zine of your Affections, Colonel ? Rav. You fhall, but you muſt give me your Honour not to rival me. Cha. The Deſcription you have given me, Colonel, ſe- cures you from that Fear; befides, you know I am mar- ry'd, neither am I deftitute of a Miftrefs, tho' in a ſtrange Place. I this Morning was affur'd, by a Sign from a Lady's Handkerchief, that my Wants fhou'd be ſupply'd upon Occaſion. I did not rightly underſtand her, till the good old Duenna explained her Meaning. Rav. You are a Stranger to theſe Affairs, Charles; take Heed, proceed with Caution, for the Women here are as warm in their Revenge as in their Inclinations; bare Sufpicion juſtifies Murder; if you manage your Intrigue fo clofely to eſcape the Huſband and Relations, 'tis odds but your Miſtreſs find ſome Pretence to employ her Bravoes, Fellows that will diſpatch a Dozen Men for a Moidore. Cha. I go well arm'd; underſtand the Language, and will not eaſily fall a Victim, but refolve to fee the Event of this Intrigue: The old Matron told me that the Lady was young and beautiful, her Huſband a Merchant, rich, covetous, old, and ugly; that ſhe hated him worſe than Penance, and lov'd me better than her Prayers; ſhall I be fuch a Poltroon to decline a Lady's Summons? No, for the Honour of Britain, it ſhall never be ſaid that an Englishman fled either from the Wars of Mars, or Venus ; let her bring me on; if I diſcharge not myſelf with Ho- nour, and make my Retreat ſecure, may I forfeit the Em- braces of the Sex. [A Noise of clafhing of Swords, and Murder cry'd within. Rav. Ha! what Noife is that? Cha. 'Tis Marplot's Voice; his damn'd Curioſity has brought him into fome Miſchief, I'll lay my life on't.[Draws. Rav. The Devil's in that Fellow; what made you bring him with you? [Murder cry'd again within. Mar. Murder, Murder. [Mar. running, pursued by two Bravoes. Ah Charles, help me, dear Charles, for Heav'n's fake. [They beat off the Bravoes. Cha. A Curfe on your Paper-ſcull, what have you been doing now? Mar. MARPLOT. 133 Mar. Nothing at all, as I hope to be fav'd; only I had a mind to fee where that Lady liv'd that ſhook her Hand- kerchief at you, and out of no other Deſign than to inform you, I proteft, Charles, when immediately theſe two Scoundrels came flap upon me, I know no more for what than the Child that's unborn; but I am fure I ſhall feel their Blows this Month; Pox take 'em. Rav. For what? why you took the only Method in the World to have your Guts let out: Ha, ha! watch a Wo- man in Liſbon ! Hark you young Gentleman, ſuppreſs that natural Curiofity of diving into other People's Affairs, or never hope to fee old England again. Mar. I wish I were fafe in it ;-Colonel Ravelin! the duce take me if I ſaw you before; my Senfes were all in ſuch a hurry with theſe unconſcionable Villains, that— Cha. That you over-look'd your Friends, I warrant. Mar. You have ſaid it, Charles, but I hope the Colonel will forgive me. Rav. To be plain with you, Mr. Marplot, I ſhall take thefe kind of Over-fights for particular Favours, if you don't ſhake off that Temper of yours. Mar. Pifh, prithee, Colonel, don't put on thoſe grave Airs; why what harm is there in't? Rav. There's ill Manners in't, I am fure, and have a Care you han't your Bones broke for it. Cha. Look ye, Marplot, you muſt either reſolve to quit this inquifitive Humour, or forfeit my Acquaintance. Rav. A Man may be ruined by your fooliſh Quarrels. Mar. Upon my Soul, Colonel, I never quarrel'd with any Man, out of deſign to hurt him in my Life: Charles can witneſs for me, that I hate fighting. Cha. So can every body elſe that knows you; I wiſh you hated Impertinence as much, for the good of Society. Mar. Well, you of all men living have the leaſt Rea- fon to complain; I have run the Hazard of my Life many a Time for you, and in my Confcience I believe I fhall fall your Martyr one Time or another. Cha. Your own you mean, you'll certainly be canoniz'd by all the Bufy-bodies about Town. Mar. Is this all the Thanks I get for my Friendſhip? well, Charles, well, you ſhall fee I can prefer Safety, and facrifice my Curioſity too, as you call it. Rav 134 MARPLOT. Rav. That's the Way to oblige your Friends. Mr. Marplot, never defire to know more than they are willing to tell you, readily comply with a reaſonable Demand, and never meddle with any body's Buſineſs but your own, this will render you agreeable to all Companies. Mar. Ay! but that will make all Companies very dif- agreeable to me. [Afide. But, Colonel, is there nothing due from one Friend to another? One ought to be let into the Boſom Secrets of a Friend. Rav. Not always, for there are ſome Secrets of ſuch a Nature that will not admit of that Freedom; for Exam- ple, ſuppoſe your Friend had an Affair with another Man's Wife, or Daughter, where's the Advantage of your know- ing it? Mar. Why I wou'd catch the Huſband or Father in the mean Time, prevent his being ſurpriz'd, and perhaps ſave his Life. Cha. But how would you fave his Honour? A Man of Honour muft have no Confidents in thoſe Caſes. Mar. Then hang Honour, I fay, 'tis good for nothing but to spoil Converfation. Shall I beg a Pinch of your Snuff, Colonel? Enter Colonel Ravelin's Servant with a Letter. Rav. With all my Heart. [Gives him his Box. Ser. The Meſſenger ſtays for your Anſwer, Sir. Mar. A Letter! wou'd I were a Fly now, that I might fwop down upon the Paper and read it before his Face: Lord, Lord, what wou'd I give for an univerſal Know- ledge! [Afide. Rav. Tell the Meffenger I'll obſerve Orders to a Se- cond. Mar. Orders! why what, have you Orders to march, Colonel ! [Exit Ser. Rav. From this Place I have. Sir Charles, I'd be glad to drink a Bottle with you and Mr. Marplot in the Even- ing at my Lodgings: there's the Directions. Tears the Superfcription of a Letter, and gives Charles. Mar. I'll wait on you home, Colonel, that I may know the Houſe exactly. Rav. MARPLOT. 135 Rav. Excufe me, Sir, I am not going Home perhaps. Charles, I'll expect you. [Exit. Cha. I'll do myſelf the Honour to wait on you; adieu. [Exit. Mar. Perhaps ! but perhaps I won't believe you: He has a World of Manners to a Gentleman in a ſtrange Place, I'll be fworn; ha! Charles is gone, nay, then I have a rare Opportunity, egad he has forgot his Snuff-box, an excellent Excufe to follow him: The Devil take his Letter for me, it has given me the Cholick. [Exit. SCENE, a Chamber in Don Perriera's Houfe. Enter Donna Perriera and Margaritta. Donna Per. Are you fure the Englishman will come? what faid he? Marg. He anfwerd me in Tranfport, I warrant him a Man every Inch of him. Come, Seniora? Yes, yes, he'll come, tho' a thouſand Dangers threatened him; theſe Englishmen are brave Fellows if they were not Hereticks. Ďonna Per. If he has but the Faith of a Lover, no matter for his Religion, Margaritta. But what came of the bufy Fellow that watch'd us? Did you obey my Or- ders? Marg. Yes, marry did I, and the Bravoes affur'd me they had taught him to look another Way for the future. Donna Per. They diſpatch'd him, I hope. Marg. No, he was refcu'd upon the Terriera de Paffa. Donna Per. Ill Fate; he did not fee where I enter'd? Marg. No, no, Madam, you are fafe; huſh, here's my Mafter Don Perriera. Donna Per. Then there's my Jaylor. This Englishman runs in my Head fo much, that methinks I hate the Sight of my Huſband. Enter Don Perriera. Don Per. So, you have been at Church to-day, my Dear, have you not? Donna Per. Yes, my Dear. Don Per. And who did you fee there, Wife? Donna Per. Do you think I paſs my time in Obſerva- tion 136 MARPLOT. tion at Church, my Dear? I hope I have other Buſineſs to do there. Don Per. And you are bafely bely'd, if you have not other Buſineſs to do elſewhere too, Wife. Donna Per. What do you mean, my Dear? Don Per. Nay, aſk your Brother Don Lopez, who will have it that you fend your Eyes a maroding for English Forage; my Dear, have a Care of an Ambuſcade; for the whole Artillery of his Senfes are drawn down upon you, and Jealouſy leads the Force of his Invention; and though I love you, Wife, yet if his Spies bring certain Intelligence of your holding Correfpondence with thoſe Heretick Dogs, the English Officers, I ſhall infallibly treat you like a Traitreſs to your Lord and Huſband. Donna Per. Ha! I fear I'm betray'd. [Afide. Marg. My Lady a Traitreſs to her Lord and Huſband! Don Lopez is a Traitor to his own Fleſh and Blood for faying fo, by my Virginity- Don Per. Away, away; that's fo ftale an Oath, 'twill not be credited. Donna Per. The Accufation's falfe; I do not know one English Officer in Lisbon, by this Kifs, [Kiſſes him.] For my Duenna affures, my Lover is no Officer; fo far I'm not forfworn. [Afide.] I thought, my Dear had promis'd me never more to mind the Infinuations of that cruel Bro- ther; his Prejudice is founded on our Marriage; his proud, impetuous Temper fcorns your Alliance, and racks his Soul to find a Cauſe to ruin you: And muſt it be by blaſting of my Fame? Will not my Life ſuffice? and dares he not employ his own Hand? but wou'd he make you guilty of my Murder? Oh, barbarous inhuman Thought! [Weeps. Marg. Cruel Don Lopez, now do I wiſh I may die a Maid; a terrible Wiſh, were I not out of danger of the Curfe falling upon me; if I believe my Lady ever thought of any Man but yourſelf, Senior. Poor Creature, I'm fure her Heart is full of Fears about you, when you are abfent. Don Per. Ay, left I ſhou'd come back before ſhe'd have me. Marg. He is the Devil of a Gueffer. [Afide. Donna MARPLOT. 137 Donna Per. Unkindly urg'd, Deary; I'm ſure, by my own Confent, I wou'd never have you- Don Per. In your Sight. Marg. The Man is certainly a Witch. Donna Per. Out of my Sight, I meant, Deary. [Afide. Don Per. That wou'd be as bad on the other Side. Donna Per. For my Part, Deary, I'm never happier than when thou art in my Arms, and cou'd be content to have thee always there. Don Per. Yes, I fhou'd have a fine Life, truly, to be always in your Arms. Marg. Look ye there now, the Dog in the Manger. Donna Per. What wou'd you have me ſay, my Dear, to convince you of my Love? Don Per. Look ye, Wife, 'tis no matter what you ſay, take care what you do: No regaling your Palate with foreign Diſhes, they are very dangerous. Take my Word for't, you'll live longer upon your own Food, and with leſs Danger of your Health. Donna Per. I know not what you'd have me ſay, my Dear; but if you think me falſe, confine me to my Cham- ber, or fend me to a Monaſtery. Grant, Heaven, he does not take me at my Word. [Afide. Marg. I wou'd not give a Crufada for my Place, if he fhou'd; a cloiſter'd Miſtreſs brings no Grift to the Servant's Mill. [Afide. Don Per. Sure Don Lopez does belye her; I always found her thus pliable, kind, and modeſt; however, I'll watch her narrowly. In the mean time to take off her Suſpicion, I'll ſeem to believe her. [Afide. Marg. So, all's right once more, I fee by that Ogle of his. [Afide. Don Per. Come, my Love, dry thy Eyes; I am not jealous, nor fhall thy Brother make me fo; I'll be an Englishman to thee. Come, bufs thy own Huſband then : Do, Deary. Marg. That Buſs ſecures me a Moidore before I ſleep; for the Engliſh are the moſt generous Men living, in their Love Affairs. [Afide. Donna Per. And won't you be jealous of me no more indeed, and indeed? nor let that naughty Brother vex you, 138 MARPLOT. i you, 'till you fright me out of my Wits again? Will you promiſe me that? Don Per. Yes, indeed, and indeed I will, you little coaxing Thief you. By St. Anthony, thou doft look won- drous handſome methinks. Od! if I were not to meet fome Merchants about Buſineſs- Donna Per. What, then you are going to leave me, my Jewel? Don Per. But for two or three Hours, my Dear; and then I will fo bufs it, and love it, and hug it, and ſqueeze [Kiffes and embraces her. Donna Per. Ah! the very Apprehenſion makes me it. fick. Don Per. What makes my Dear fick? [Afide. Donna Per. The Duce take his Ears-the Appre- henſion of lofing my dear, little, old Man. Marg. Well turn'd. [Afide. Don Per. Thou ſhall quickly have me again, my Jewel. Marg. Too foon, I dare ſwear. [Afide. Don Per. My Deary, go make much of thyſelf 'till I come back. Here, Seniora Margaritta, take care of your Lady. [Exit. Marg. Yes, Senior, a better care than you think for. Come, Madam, now prepare to receive the charming Englishman. Donna Per. I think I had better let it alone; do you confider the Hazard which I run? Marg. Hazard! are you born in Portugal, and talk of Hazard? Why, there is not a Woman in Liſbon that wou'd not run twice as much for ſuch a Fellow-Do you confider the Difference between him and your old Huf- band? Donna Per. Yes, and what I muſt ſuffer too, if I am caught. Marg. Nay, nay, if Fear throws fo many Bug-bears in your Way, follow your own Fancy: I'm like to make a fine Penny on't truly-Pray ſend me of no more Fools Errands I'll carry no more Challenges, if you do not mean to engage: I trifle my Time away ſweetly. Donna Per. Nay, don't be angry, Margaret; 'tis not but that I have as much Inclination for that handſome Man ! MARPLOT. 139 Man as ever; were I fure not to be diſcover'd, I fhou'd not alter my Reſolution. Marg. That ſhall be my Care, I warrant you, Madam; he comes in by a Rope-ladder at your Cloſet-window, by which he may return with Secrecy and Expedition upon the leaſt Surprize. Donna Per. My Cloſet-window looks upon the River, how can he come that Way? Marg. By a Boat that ſhall wait to receive him again. Donna Per. Let him come then. When Inclination pleads, Fears quickly fly, And powerful Love can Reaſon's Force defy. Exeunt. SCENE changes to Colonel Ravelin's Lodgings. The Colonel looking on his Watch. Rav. 'Tis within two Minutes of the Time; I muſt be punctual; for Women here forgive not the leaſt Omiſſion. Let me fee, is my Trap-door unbolted? Not yet? [Goes to the Chimney, and feems to pull at a Trap-door. Enter Servant. Serv. Here's a Gentleman to wait on you, Colonel. Rav. I'll fee nobody: Did I not tell you fo, Blockhead? [Gives him a Box on the Ear. Enter Marplot. Mar. Nay, 'tis only I, Colonel; don't be angry, you forgot your Snuff-box, and I thought you wou'd want it, fo I brought it you, that's all, Sir. Rav. Oh, Sir, you need not have given yourſelf the Trouble. Mar. I think it no Trouble, upon my Soul, Sir. Ad! you have very pretty Lodgings here, Colonel; what a very fine Collection of Pictures you have got? Pray who is this at length, Colonel? Rav. I can't tell indeed, Sir, they belong to the Houſe. Pox take this Coxcomb. [Afide. Mar. Ho, do they fo? pray what do you give a Week for theſe Lodgings? Rav. Prithee aſk me no Queſtions; I don't know, I have 140 MARPLOT. have forgot. Ha! the Door unbolts, which way fhall I get rid of this Puppy? [Afide. Rav. Look ye, Sir, I perceive it is impoffible for me to anſwer all the Queſtions you may poffibly aſk at this Time; but in the Evening I promiſe to folve all your Interrogatories. Mar. Hey day! forgot! that's impoffible. Mar. Nay, nay, Colonel, if I am troubleſome, I'll begone-this Uneafinefs has a Meaning. [Afide. Rav. You'll oblige me in fo doing, Mr. Marplot; for I leave a Vifit to make this Moment. Mar. Is it to Man or Woman, Colonel. Come, hang it, you may tell me that. Rav. Why then, it is to a Lady: Now I hope you'll have me. Mar. Ay, ay, with all my Heart; but I may go with you to the Door, may I not? Rav. Go to the Devil, Sir,- Death, how ſhall I ſhift him off? [Afide. Mar. How fnappiſh he is-how the Duce fhall I manage to find out this Intrigue? Well, well, don't be angry, Colonel I'll leave you below Stairs. Rav. Confound his Impertinence. Death, Sir, ſup- poſe I don't go down Stairs, how then? Mar. How then? Why how then do you intend to make your Viſit, Colonel: you don't go out at the Win- dow, do you? Rav. No more of your Impertinence, Sir, but be gone, or I fhall fling you out at the Window. Mar. Nay, if you be fo cholerick, your humble Ser- vant. Egad, I'll ſecure the Key; I'll know the Bottom of this, if I die fort. [Snatches the Key of the Door and puts it in his Pocket, and Exit. The Colonel flaps the Door after him, then runs to the Trap-door, pulls it up and defcends, and pulls it down after him.] Rav. This is the moſt intolerable Dog I ever ſaw: Pox take him, there's half a Minute elaps'd. [Marplot opens the Door foftly and peeps. Mar. Egad, he's not come out yet, what is he a doing? Ha! I don't ſee him-nor hear him neither- in- -Od, I'll venture in upon my Soul here's nobody: Why fure he MARPLOT. 141 he deals with the Devil- -here's no Door but this that I can ſee———Is there any Way out at Window?—No, Faith, that's impoffible, they have all Iron Bars. What can become of him? O! I have it now, before George he's gone up the Chimney, for there's no other Paffage.- -It muſt be ſo. [Peeps up the Chimney.] Egad the Chimney is large, and eaſy enough to mount; now I have a ſtrong Inclination to follow him-troth and I will too-fure the greateſt Pleaſure in the World lies in difco- vering what other People take fuch Pains to conceal-now they may call me impertinent Blockhead- -inquifitive Fool- and ill-bred Puppy-and what they pleaſe, but I'd not quit the Pleaſure of knowing this Secret, for the fineſt Breeding in France.- -I'm afraid I ſhall ſpoil my Coat-rot him, what a curfed dirty Contrivance has he found out; hold, well thought on- -I'll, I'll turn the wrong Side outwards-Ay, that will do. [Turns his Coat.] So, now for the Art of Chimney-fweeping. Egad, Colonel, in fpight of all your Caution, ten to one but I know your Haunts; Lord, how I fhall laugh at Night, when we meet, how I will joke upon him. Ha, ha, ha ! [Goes into the Chimney, and the Scene huts. ACT II. SCENE I. SCENE, Donna Perriera's Apartment. Enter Margaritta and Charles. Marg. Cha. I hope you have a better Opinion of 'Ome, Courage, Senior Englife, fear nothing. my Country, Seniora, than to think me afraid; but where is the Lady? the beautiful young Lady, which you told me of, my Dear? Marg. She's forth-coming, Sir-So, ſee what it is to be ftricken in Years now, he looks over me, as if I were not a thing of his own Species. Well, Senior, I aſſure you, I have done you no fmall Service with my Lady, poor young thing, ſhe had ſo many Scruples, but I told her a thouſand Things in your Favour: Seniora, ſaid I, the Ca- valier is a fine Cavalier, he is Cha. Oh the Devil, if this Jade's Clack fets a going, there 142 MARPLOT. there will be no End.-I underſtand you, Seniora, pray give me leave to thank you; and to engage you more heartily in my Intereft, be pleaſed to accept this Token of my Efteem. Marg. Ah, Senior, you Engliſh have excellent Facul- ties to pleaſe us Women; I'll fwear they have exceeding good natural Parts, and readily conceive our Meaning. [Afide.] I'll acquaint my Lady that you are here, Senior. [Exit. Cha. Prithee do-So, I am enter'd, but how I fhall come off, I am not able to determine: If inftead of a Lady, there fhou'd come an old furly Dog, with half a Dozen Bravoes at his Back, it wou'd give a ſtrange Turn to my Inclinations; how foolishly a Man muſt look upon ſuch an Occaſion; egad ſuppoſe ſomebody ſhou'd be do- ing me the fame Favour in England now with my Wife, cou'd I be angry? no Faith; if a man is born to be a Cuckold, 'tis none of his Wife's Fault, and therefore, Se- nior, Don, what d'ye call 'um, by your Leave, if your Wife be handſome Enter Donna Perriera. Ha! here ſhe comes; a thouſand Darts iffue from her Eyes what a Forehead's there! her Lips exceed the Redneſs of the Coral- 'tis fure the Queen of Love- Ay, 'tis fhe, thoſe Dimples in her Cheeks are Cupid's bathing Tubs, and that ſnowy Bofom the Plain he keeps his Revels on- Seniora [Going towards her.] The Duce take me, if I can ſpeak to her. Donna Per. You ſeem furpriz'd, Senior. Cha. Who can look on fuch amazing Brightneſs, with- out Aſtoniſhment of Senſe? Semele, when Jove approach'd her in all his Glory, had not more Caufe to be furpriz'd. Donna Per. You begin as if we had Years to waſte in Courtſhip, Senior; pray defcend from your high-flown Raptures; the Gods are no Example, let us talk like Mor- tals. Cha. But are you fure, Madam, that you are mortal? Donna Per. I'm afraid he'll find me fo; he's a charm- ing handſome Fellow. [Afide.] By your Diſtance one wou'd imagine that you took me for a Shadow, but you may MARPLOT. 143 ♪ may venture to approach, I am Fleſh and Blood, I ſhan't vaniſh. Ha, ha, ha ! I was Ha! the Cha. Say you fo, Madam? why then have at you, never afraid of Fleſh and Blood in my Life Devil! a Dagger ! [Runs to catch her in his Arms, ſhe holds up a Dagger, he starts back. Donna Per. Ha, ha, ha! what, do you start at a Dag- ger, Senior? Cha. Yes, in a Female Hand, thofe Limbs were made for fofter Uſes; and we Britons are not wont to ſee our Ladies arm'd with Steel. Love's Combats are fought with Kiffes in my Country, I know not what his Laws are here. Donna Per. The Engagements are the fame, only a little Difference in the Preparation; a Wound in the Reputation of an English Woman, they fay, only lets in Alimony, but with us it lets out Life: And therefore, tho' we proceed with Caution, a Lover ought to think us fin- cere, when we run fuch hazards to receive him. Cha. But to what End is the Dagger, Madam? is it to diſpatch your Lover by Way of keeping the Secret-faith he'll have but ſmall Stomach to eat, that knows he muſt die as ſoon as he has din'd. Donna Per. No, Senior, by this I wou'd imprint in your Mind the Danger which we are both expos'd to, if we are not both diſcreet; favours in Portugal muſt not be boaſted of. Cha. Nor any where elſe, Madam; a Man of Honour fcorns fo poor a Piece of Treachery; he that owns he ever had a Favour, proclaims himſelf both lewd and fooliſh, but he that points the Woman out is a Villain, and ought to have that Dagger in his Heart. Donna Per. Nobly faid. [Throws away the_Dagger. That fentence has difarm'd and left me at your Mercy. Cha. Then thus I feize, and thus I will revenge the Arts you took to fright me. Ha! her Kiffes wou'd warm the Dead, I'm all Extafy. I fancy the next Room is more private, Madam, and I have a Secret to impart of mighty Confequence, therefore prithee let's withdraw. Donna Per. Oh happy English Women, that have ſuch Men 144 MARPLOT. Men as theſe plenty. Oh my Heart, I find I have not Power to deny him- -Open that Door, Margaritta. [Opens the Door, Marplot flaps down the Chimney, the Women Shriek, Charles draws his Sword, Marplot roars out, the Women run off:] Mar. Ah, Zounds I have broke my Leg. Marg. Ah! Thieves, Thieves. Donna Per. Ah! Murder, Murder. [Exit. [Exit. Cha. Marplot! Which way got you hither? I have a good mind to ſtab you, you Raſcal. Mar. [Falls on his Knees.] Ah, dear Charles is it you? Oh forgive me for Heaven's fake, this was pure Accident, as I hope to be fav'd; the Devil take me, if I thought of finding you. [Within.] Thieves ! Murder! Murder! Cha. Death, they'll raiſe the Houſe, and I ſhall be taken for a Thief, the Women will ſwear they know nothing of me, I warrant 'em. Rogue, Dog, Poltroon. [Beats Marplot and Exit into the Clofet. Mar. Nay, good Charles,- Oh, oh, oh, what ſhall I do? Oh Lord, Oh Lord, dear Charles take me out with you. [Exit after Charles, and returns.] Oh, woe's me that ever I was born, he has leapt into the River; was there ever ſuch an unfortunate Dog as I am, to be in Queſt of one, and tumble upon t'other? tho' if I cou'd but get fafe out, and Charles 'ſcape with his Life, the Accident wou'd not diſpleaſe me neither; but if Charles be drown'd, I ſhall hang myſelf, that's certain. [Within.] Thieves! Thieves! Lorenzo, Pedro, Sancho! where are you all? Mar. Oh frightful! the whole Houſe is up in Arms, which way fhall I eſcape? ah! methinks I feel a Spado thro' my Guts already: Egad, there is no way but up the Chimney again. [Runs into the Chimney. Enter Don Perriera and his Wife, Margaritta, and other Servants arm'd. Don Per. Where are theſe Rogues, my Dear? I'll fwinge 'em. How many were there? Marg. We faw ten at leaſt. [Exit into the Clofet, and returns. Donna MARPLOT. 145 Donna Per. Yes indeed did we- Spadoes, and Heaven knows what. clear? with Piſtols and Is my Lover got off [Afide to Marg. Marg. Without Diſpute, for the Ladder is gone. Donna Per. What cou'd that Fellow be? I wish he was no Spy from my Brother Don Lopez. [Afide. Don Per. Why, where are they all? and which way got they in? Marg. They all came down the Chimney, Senior. Don Per. Down the Chimney? Here, Raſcal, ſearch the Chimney. Marg. Take heed, Lorenzo, and kill the firſt you light on-the Dead can diſcover nothing. Lor. Here's one of 'em. [Afide. [Pulls Marplot out. Don Per. Take him alive, I charge you. Donna Per. Ah! then all will out, and I am ruined. [Alide. Don Per. How now, Sir, what are you? Mar. I can't tell what I am, Sir, not I. Donna Per. 'Tis an Englishman, and can't belong to Don Lopez. [Afide. Don Per. Can't you fo, Sir-Death! how came you here? Mar. Nay, I know as little of that too, for my Part. What will become of me? Thefe Fellows have damn'd murdering Faces. [Afide. Don Per. Where are the reſt of your Gang, Sirrah? Mar. Nay, Heav'n knows; wou'd I were with 'em. Don Per. Zounds, Sirrah, anſwer without theſe Equi- vocations, or by St. Anthony, I'll have you rack'd to Death. now. Mar. I can't think of any tolerable Lie to fave my Life [Aide. Don Per. Why don't you ſpeak, I ſay? where are the other nine? here were ten of you juſt now. Mar. Ten! as I hope for Mercy from your Hands, Sir, I ſaw but one; and how he came here, may I be caſtrated if I know. 'Tis true he is a Friend of mine, but I won't anſwer for his Virtue for all that, when there is a hand- fome Woman in the Cafe; for Beauty is a Temptation, you know, Sir. Donna Per. Undone! this Fellow knew the other. [Alide. 10 VOL. II. G Don Per. 146 MARPLOT. Don Per. How's this? a handſome Woman-I wiſh my Wife has not a Hand in the Plot. [Afide. Marg. [Afide to Marplot.] Recall what you have faid; not one Word more of the Man you faw here, as you hope to live two Hours. Mar. Ah, wretched Marplot! what will become of thee? [Afide. Don Per. Did you not tell me you ſaw ten armed Men come down the Chimney, Wife? Donna Per. For my Part I was fo frighted, my Dear, that I durft have fworn I ſaw twenty. Marg. Ay, fo did I too, Senior; for People in a Fright fee double. Don Per. Pray Heav'n fomebody had no Deſign to be double. [Afide.] Where is this Friend of yours, Sir? Mar. What Friend, Sir? Don Per. Why him you faid you ſaw juſt now. Mar. Ah! that was all a Miſtake, Sir; I did not know what I faid, Sir, nor, I believe, did not know what I meant, and I am fure I did not neither, except I meant myſelf, Sir. Nay, now I think on't, I did mean myſelf, Sir.-Oh Lord, Oh Lord, which Way fhall I come off? [Afide. Don Per. Don't ftammer fo, Rafcal; I fhall have no Mercy on you preſently- Did you not ſay you ſaw a Friend of yours here? Mar. Why, if I did, Sir, I meant myſelf; and there needs no Logic to prove a Man's beft Friend is himſelf; tho' I am fure I am my own worſt Foe. Oh! I ſhall fwoon away with Fright. [Afide Don Per. You faid, you knew not how he came here neither. Mar. Myſelf, again, Sir; for as I hope to get ſafe out, I had no more Deſign to come into your Houſe than I had to eat it, Sir. Don Per. And dare not you ſwear for your own Virtue neither, Scoundrel? Mar. No really, Sir, no Man knows his own Strength; and I confeſs ingenuouſly, Sir, that a pretty Woman has Power to diſſolve my Reſolutions of Virtue at any Time. Don Per. Say you ſo, Sir? why then there are Things to be uſed to preſerve Virtue, which I'll take Care to ad- minifter. MARPLOT. 147 minifter. I'll engage you fhall attempt no Man's Wife for the future. Here, bind his Hands. Marg. 'Tis a handfome young Man, and no Fool. I wish I cou'd tell how to ſave him. [Afide. Mar. Ah, dear Sir! what do you mean? I deſign upon a Man's Wife! Upon my Soul, Sir, I never had any ſuch damnable Deſign in my Days, Sir. Don Per. Sirrah, Sirrah, you wou'd not have come down my Chimney for nothing; you are a Rogue I fee by your Diſguiſe, Sirrah. Bind him, I ſay. Mar. Difguife! hold, hold, if the Truth muſt out, it muft; then to deal ingenuouſly- Donna Per. Ah! now it comes out, I am ruin'd paſt Redemption. [Afide. Mar. I am very ſubject to an itching in my Nature, to know every body's concerns; and being thruſt out of an Officer's Lodging of my Acquaintance, for my Im- pertinence, (as he called it) I fufpected he had fome In- trigue on foot; fo I watch'd his coming out, but finding he ſhut himſelf up, I imagin'd he had got his Miſtreſs with him. So, Sir, I found Means to get in again; but not meeting with him, I fancy'd he had fome private Way up the Chimney. So, Sir, my confounded Curiofity, with a pox to't, muſt needs try to ſmell him out. So, Sir, I turn'd my Coat here, to fave it clean, and up I fcrambled; but when I came without-ſide, I ſaw nobody there then : Sir, ſomething whiſpered me in my Ear, that he might be got down the next Chimney: So, Sir, that develiſh Defire of mine brought me down hither, as you fee, Sir; and this is the Truth, and nothing but the Truth, as I hope for your Pardon, Sir.—Ah! poor Marplot! if this brings thee not off, thou art undone for ever. [Afide. Don Per. A well compact Lie. I'll officer you, with the Devil to you. I ſuppoſe your Countrymen think they have a Licence for Cuckoldom. Do you hear? ſearch the whole Houfe; for this Rogue in Red may lurk in fome Corner or other, and watch the Opportunity to preſs my Wife to the Service, and think to raiſe Recruits out of my Family: And for you, fweet Senior Sweep- chimney, the Corrigidore ſhall let you into the Secrets of our Laws in Portugal. Mar. The Devil take all Secrets for me. Don Per. Lorenzo, go, let him know his preſence is re- G 2 quired. 148 MARPLOT. quired. Come, Sir! I ſhall put you into a ſafer Place till he comes, where there is no Chimney to get out at. Margaritta, take care of my Wife————Hold, now I think on't, I'll eaſe you of that Trouble, and do it myſelf. Go, get in there. Donna Per. What Fault have I committed, my Dear, to be immur'd? If I had not cry'd out, you had not ta- ken this Villain. Mar. I wish you had been dumb with all my Blood. Don Per. When he is gone, and the Houſe found to be clear, you ſhall have your Liberty again; therefore no Diſpute, but in, I ſay. [Exit Donna Per.] Now bring him along into the next Chamber. Mar. O you malignant Stars!—Oh, take Pity upon me, and let me go, or I fhall die with Vexation, and you'll be acceffary to my Murder, and that will trouble your Conſcience. Don Per. Confcience! you Heretic Dog! Do you talk of Confcienſe? Drag him along. Mar. Heretic Dog! A good Hint, ad, I'll pretend to turn Papift. Oh! hear me one Moment, Sir; I do confefs I am a Heretic, and my Confcience tells me very unfit to die. Ah! dear Sir, be fo charitable to afford me a little Inſtruction, and recommend me to ſome Saint that may take care of me in the other World. Don Per. Oh, Anthony! thou haft touch'd his Heart, and put me upon a meritorious Action-I muſt have Re- gard to his poor Soul-Well, young Man, ſince I find thou art become the Care of Heaven, I think thee worthy my Regard. I'll fend for a Prieſt that ſhall inſtruct thee in the Mysteries of our Religion. Come, come along. [Exit. Mar. Ah, for fome Inftructions now to get out; here's a little Time gain'd, however. Exit guarded. Marg. Well, by St. Anthony, I am much concern'd for him, methinks I feel a more than ordinary Motion about my Heart. Ha! my Pulfes beat quicker than they uſed to do; I am much diſorder'd, but I believe my Diſ- temper wou'd not prove dangerous were he my Phyſician; well, if I thought he wou'd be grateful I'd releaſe him. I have a Key will open that Door; befides he knows my Lady's Gallant, and perhaps they may force him to diſcover who he is, and where he lodges: and if he falls into MARPLOT. 149 into Don Lopez's hands, fare him well, and farewell my Fees too; now if I convey him out, I may prevent future Miſchief, and may be get a Love of my own, or at leaſt I cannot fail of Rewards from all Sides. I'll do't, I'm refolv'd. Enter again with Marplot. [Exit. Marg. Well Senior Engliſe, what think you of finding out Secrets again? Mar. For my Part I ſhall hate every thing that is but ſpell'd with any one Letter that belongs to it: Have you no Bowels of Mercy for one neither? Ah! Seniora, for honeft Charles's Sake let me go; you fee I brought you off, then prithee take fome Pity on me. Marg. Fie, Senior, a Lady may compaffionate your Per- fon for your own Sake. To do you Juſtice, you are a clever young Man, and may make your Fortune. Mar. I wish I cou'd make my Eſcape. Marg. Suppofe a Lady fhould take a liking to you, cou'd you be kind? What Mar. Kind! ods heart, is it poffible for a Man to think of Kindneſs, when the Knife's at his Throat the Devil does this old Hag mean? [Afide. Marg. But fet the Caſe a Woman ſhou'd procure the Liberty of your Perfon, what Charms muſt ſhe be Miſtreſs of to captivate your Heart? Mar. Charms! Egad if ſhe had never a Noſe, I ſhou'd think myſelf bound in Honour to be grateful. Marg. Tho' fhe was not altogether fo young ? Mar. Nay, tho' fhe were as old again as thou art, 1 wou'd love her monftrouſly. I fancy 'tis herſelf ſhe means; egad I begin to conceive Hopes of Liberty. [Afide. Marg. Indeed! and do you really think you cou'd love me, Senior? Mar. Do you really think you can let me out? Marg. It lies in my Power. Mar. Why then t'other ſhall lie in my Will: And to prove my Love, there's Gold for thee, old Girl. Marg. This is as it ſhou'd be now, nothing like Earneſt, to bind a Bargain-Well, Senior, upon Condition you'll meet me whenever I fhall give you Notice, I'll take Pity on you, and let you eſcape. G 3 Mar. I 50 MARPLOT. Mar. My Angel, my Life, my Soul, odd I'm wondrous full of Raptures of a fudden. [Exit. Marg. Hark, I hear fomebody coming, follow me quickly. Mar. With all my Spirit. Enter Don Perriera and Don Lopez. Exit. Don Lop. Stupidity! Give a Villain Fair Play for his Life, that wou'd rob you of your Honour! What Buſineſs cou'd this Fellow have in your Houfe? and by fo clan- deftine a Way as the Chimney? where is he? give him to my Revenge. Don Per. Not for the World; you wou'd not kill him now, when he is willing to be converted; juſt when his Eyes are opening? that wou'd be to deftroy his Soul with his Body. Don Lop. His Soul! I'd rather give a hundred Moidores to have it pray'd out of Purgatory, than loſe my Revenge. Open the Door, I ſay, or I will force it open. Don Per. I fay you ſhall not fee him 'till the Corrigidore comes, I'll deliver him into the Hands of Juftice; I will not have a Man murder'd without a juft Caufe: Touch the Door if you dare, I'd have you know I am Maſter of my own Lodgings. Don Lop. And I'd have you to know, Sir, that I'll batter your Lodgings about your Ears, before I'll fuffer in my Honour: Where is this Salacious Woman, this adul- terous Sifter, this contaminated Fair-one, this Viper of our Family? Don Per. Safe enough out of your Reach. I know fhe's innocent of this, and therefore will preſerve her. Pray mitigate your Paffion, Senior, and you ſhall have all the Satisfaction in this Matter you can defire from a Brother. Don Lop. Brother! Damn the Alliance, I fcorn the Title. Don Per. Right, juſt as my Wife ſaid he does hate me heartily—— Enter Servant. How now, is the Corrigidore come? Serv. Yes, Sir, he's without. Don Per. Bring him in. Enter MARPLOT. 151 Enter Corrigidore and Guards. I charge you, Senior Don Garcia Pedro Compostello, to keep the Peace, and protect the Priſoner which I fhall deliver into your Hands from the Fury of Senior Don Lopez, whoſe fiery Temper hurries him on to execute, before he knows the Nature of the Offence. Cor. Sure you miſtake, Senior; Raſhneſs has no Con- nection with true Courage; and I look upon Don Lopez to be a Perſon of a fingular good Conduct. Don Lop. Rot your fawning Praiſe-Do Juſtice, demand your Priſoner; let me ſee the English Dog. Cor. Nay, Senior, if you are in Earneſt, I am oblig'd by my Office to keep the Peace: difarm him. Don Lop. A Curſe of your Authority. Cor. Now, Don Perriera, bring out the offender. Don Per. That I will. Here, open that Door, and bring him hither. [Gives a Key to a Servant; who exits, and returns. Serv. Here is nobody within, Sir. Don Per. How! Nobody within? Ah, thou art a blind Booby. [Goes in and returns haftily. Mercy upon me! The Rogue was in the right, there is no body there, 'twas certainly the Devil, and he's gone through the Key-hole; for no human Creature cou'd get out; bleſs me how I tremble! Don Lop. The Devil! I wiſh I had met with that Devil, I'd have tried to have made him mortal for the good of Mankind. Cor. Pray let's fee this Room from whence he eſcap'd, perhaps he may be hid fomewhere. [Exit Corrigidore with Don Lopez. Don Per. O, it is to no Purpoſe, there is nothing to be feen. Corrigidore, and Don Lopez return. Don Lopez. Hark ye, Don Perriera, if your Wife be not vaniſh'd too, prithee aſk her what Species he was compos'd of; I warrant ſhe can tell you, he had no fulphurous Scent about him. Cor. 'Tis very odd; was the Door lock'd are you ſure ? Serv. G 4 152 MARPLOT. Serv. Yes, Senior, I'm fure I unlock'd it. Don Per. I lock'd it myſelf, and have had the Key in my Pocket ever ſince. Don Lop. But all your Locks are not fecur'd, by carry- ing the Key about you, I doubt Senior; I hope I may put on my Spado again. Cor. Pray be certain of your Criminals, Senior, the next Time you fend for me. [Exit. Don Per. S'death! am I flouted-I have loft all Patience, I'd give my whole Eſtate to know which Way this Dog eſcap'd, if he were Fleſh and Blood. Don Lop. Afk your Wife that,—Confuſion. [Exit in a Paſſion. Don Per. My Wife! If I fhou'd find my Wife guilty, I'd practiſe ſuch unheard of Cruelties on her, as fhou'd out-do our Inquifition. Rav. ACT III. SCENE I. SCENE the Terriera de Paffa. Enter Col. Ravelin and Charles. HA, [Exit. A, ha! certainly this Fellow is the moſt mif- chievous Rogue that ever liv'd; which Way got he down the Chimney? Cha. Nay, that's paſt finding out, as alſo what's be- come of him: I could have cut his Throat with all my Soul juſt then, and yet I can't help being concern'd for him now; I fear he is kill'd. Rav. I fhou'd be forry for that, tho' in my Conſcience he deſerves it: this bufy Humour of his is as natural to him as his Food; he follow'd me home this Morning. I was forc'd to uſe him very roughly to get rid of him; for you muſt know, I have a Trap-door in my Chimney, thro' which I deſcend into a back Street, where I am conducted by an old Negro to an Angel of a Woman; I had her Summons; and the Hour of Affignation was come when he enter'd my Chamber. Cha. A very unſeaſonable Viſit faith, Colonel. Rav. Ay, was it not? but I quickly diſpatch'd him, tho' how he ſtumbled upon you afterwards, and in ſo odd a Manner, is a Miracle. Cha. MARPLOT. 153 Cha. If he lives we ſhall know when next we meet ; I never catch'd him in a Lie, which is the beſt Qualifica- tion he has. But, Colonel, did not you promiſe to intro- duce me to your French Miftrefs? What, this Lady in- cog. has not beat her out by the by, has ſhe, Colonel? Rav. No, no, fhe maintains her Ground too well; there's more Danger of my raiſing the Siege, than her beating the Chamade; ſhe has ſo many Retreats of Pride, Vanity, and Affectation, that without fome lucky Acci- dent tofs a Granade into the Magazine of her Inclination, there'll be no Hopes of the Town. Cha. Storm, then, Colonel, ftorm. Rav. I rather chooſe to block her up and ſtarve her out, fuffer no Admirer to enter; and if once a Woman of her Temper want the Proviſion of Vanity, fhe furrenders of Courſe. Cha. An admirable Stratagem, but prithee let me ſee her before you put it in Practice. Rav. It ſhall be now, if you pleaſe, Charles. Cha. With all my Heart: Is it far? Rav. At that Houſe yonder. Cha. Lead the Way, then. - Enter Marplot. [Exeunt. Mar. Lead the Way-where the Devil are you go- ing? Now can't I help having a violent Defire to follow them, tho' I eſcap'd ſo narrowly in my laft Project: Yon- der they go; ha! they are entered already, that is no public Houſe I'm fure: Egad, may be it is fome private Bourdel, or what Buſineſs can both of them have at one Houſe? Well, Charles, tho' you were fo barbarous to defert me in my Afflictions, I won't ferve you fo, I'll not ftir from this Place 'till I fee you fafe out-Od, upon fe- cond Thoughts I'll knock at the Door, and aſk for him, perhaps three may be as welcome as two. [As he is going to knock, enter Ifabinda in Boy's Cloaths. Ifab. Ha! Marplot here, this is lucky. [Afide.] Mr. Marplot, fortunately met. Marp. That's more than I can tell yet, for I don't know you, Sir. Ifab. Nor wou'd I have you. [Afide.] But you know G 5 thofe 154 MARPLOT. thoſe that do; can you tell me where Mr. Charles Gripe is to be found? Marp. Ha! my Mind miſgives me plaguily that this is an Envoy from the old Man's Wife; pray Heaven he has never a Summons from my old Matron too; for tho' I comply'd with all ſhe aſk'd to purchaſe my Liberty, I am fure I fhall have no Stomach to perform Articles. [Afide. Ifab. Don't you hear me, Sir? Marp. Yes, yes, Sir, I hear you-what the Duce ſhall I fay to him? he must not know that Charles is gone into yon Houſe; for Women here, they fay, are curfed jealous, and that may be a Means to have his Throat cut. [Afide. Ifab. Why don't you anſwer? where does he lodge? Marp. Where does he lodge?-this muſt be ſome new Intrigue, for doubtlefs t'other knows his Lodgings: Look ye, Sir, one good Turn deferves another; let me know what Buſineſs you have with him, and according as I like it, your Queſtion ſhall be anſwer❜d. Ifab. Marplot ftill, I find he's no Changling. [Afide. Why then, Sir, if you muſt know, I have a Letter for him from a Lady who is defperately in Love with him. Mar. So here's another Intrigue popt into my Mouth. In Love with him? Prithee, dear Youth, who is she? where does the live? what's her Name? is fhe Maid, Wife? or Widow? young, or old? black, brown, or fair? fhort or tall? fat or lean? this Country, or a Foreigner? quick, quick, quick, my dear little Rogue, let me into the Secret, and I'll carry you to his Lodgings immediately- Egad this Diſcovery will make my Peace with Charles compleatly. Ifab. I can only anſwer him theſe Queſtions, Sir; I am no Blab, you muſt excuſe me if I'm filent. Marp. So muft you me, Sir, I'm no Blab neither, Sir, if you go to that, I'd have you to believe I can keep my Friend's Secrets when intrufted; I don't know his Lodg- ings; find them out if you can. Ifab. You are very fhort, Sir; I have nothing to ſay againſt your Secrecy, but it wou'd be Impudence in me to run the Hazard, befides foreſtalling your Friend's Ge- neroſity, he ought to have the Diſpoſal of his own Secrets. Marp. MARPLOT. 155 Marp. Ay, if it comes into his Hands once, 'twill coft me more Pains to find it out than 'tis worth. Ifab. Pains to find out? I hope you never endeavour to find out what other People wou'd conceal? Marp. No? Yes to chufe; why the Duce ſhou'd any Man know more than myſelf? We came into the World alike, and I can fee no Occafion for his fuperior Know- ledge. Ifab. I admire you are not for levelling Eſtates too; how can you bear any Man to be richer than yourſelf? Marp. Oh with Eafe, my Wealth lies in my Mind; I had rather fathom the Depth of a Man's Thoughts, than his Pocket; yet to ſhow you I can ſuppreſs my Curioſity, let me read the Letter, and I'll excufe the reſt. Ifab. It is as much as my Life is worth to open the Letter. Marp. Pox take his Life-tell me what's in't then, or may I be carbonado'd if you know his Lodgings. I'd give a Finger to have this Intrigue rightly. [Afide. Ifab. I must not let this Fellow know me, if I intend to conceal my being in Lisbon; I'll humour him a little, and try what Diſcovery I can make. [Afide.] Well, Sir, if you'll promiſe to be fecret, I'll let you into this Affair. Marp. Secret as a Prieft, Child-Egad, I ſhall have it ; pray Heav'n Charles does not come out before he has done; if he fhou'd, I fhould be undone. [Afide. Ifab. Why then, the Lady I belong to is a rich Mer- chant's Daughter near the Convent of Santo Ficente; her Name is Donna Cephifa, the faw your Friend at Church, is extremely charm'd with him, and refolves to marry him. Marp. Marry him! ha, ha, ha, ha ! poor Lady! why now to return Secret for Secret, he's married already; but perhaps he may prick her down amongst the reft of his Miſtreſſes; you underſtand me? Ifab. Too well-the reft of his Miftreffes? has he fuch Store then? Marp. As many as he can well manage, I believe. Ifab. Oh my Heart! the Danger of intriguing in this Place alarms my Fears, and fhocks my very Soul. Marp. What I have faid makes you thoughtful, I perceive; 156 MARPLOT. perceive; will nobody do but Charles? what think you of me? Ifab. Why, really, Sir, were I a Woman, I fhou'd pre- fer you before him, but I can't anſwer for my Lady; if you pleaſe I'll mention you. Marp. Your moſt humble Servant, Sir-Egad there may be new pleaſure in having an Intrigue of one's own, for aught I know, for I never had one in my Life. [Afide. Ifab. But, Sir, there's one Article in our Agreement which you have not perform'd. if Marp. What's that? Ifab. Where your Friend lodges? Marp. Why he lodges at yon green Windows, where you have any Service from your Lady for your humble Servant, you'll find me there alſo. Ifab. I kiss your Hand, I'll do my beſt to ſerve you. [Exit. Marp. Sir, I kiſs yours-I'm glad he's gone before Charles came out; this is a nonfenfical Secret, tho' me- thinks I'd rather know what the Colonel and he is doing in yon Houſe-ſhall I knock at the Door or not? If I fhou'd, ten to one but I do Miſchief-and ſhall be beaten again: To prevent which I'll wait within fight for their coming out, fo when they are paſs'd by, I may with more Security make my Enquiry. [Exit. SCENE changes to Mademoiſelle Joneton's Lodgings. She dreſt fantaſtically modiſh, with her Siſter Marton, and Sufan. Mad. Sufan, bring me the Glaſs. Sufan. Yes, Madam. Mad. Don't I look wretchedly to-day, Siſter? Mart. Your Looks are the fame to-day they always are, I fee no Difference. Mad. How do you mean that, Sifter? that I always look fhockingly, or how? Mart. She looks too well for my Eaſe, ſince ſhe's be- lov'd by Colonel Ravelin. [Afide.] I'm fure your Vanity and Affectation does not put that Conftruction upon my Words, Sifter. Mad. Affectation! pray, what am I affected in? nay, take MARPLOT. 157 take the Glaſs away again. [Enter Sufan with the Glafs.] My Sifter Marton fays, I'm affected, fo I will not look in't to oblige her: Am I not very complaifant?-One wou'd really think my Sifter of Spanish Production, ſhe is fo formal-I fee no Reaſon why one may not alter and change the Form and Manner of ſpeaking, according to the Company one keeps, as well as the Mode and Faſhion of one's Cloaths- Now when I converſe with my own Sex, I love to indulge myſelf, and let my Words fall from me with Indolence and Eafe, becauſe their Conver- fation is infipid, and we only prattle away Time. Mart. Infipid! Ha, ha, ha! pray what reliſh have the Men's beyond ours! Mad. Oh! that Queſtion is prepofterous-But you have no Taſte, Siſter, you deteſt Mankind. Mart. Ay, but the Colonel has found the Way to convert that Notion. [Afide.] I confefs Sifter, I never cou'd fee any thing in theſe lordly Creatures of Force enough to make me fubmit blindly to their tyrannick Sway. Mad. But there's a vaſt Pleaſure in making them fub- mit to ours, to make fo fine a Gentleman as Colonel Ra- velin obey my Nod, figh, weep, and kneel at one's Frown, then give him Raptures with a Smile. The Co- lonel! Oh! the moſt engaging Man alive-When he comes next you ſhall fee him, Sifter. Mart. Not for the Spanish Mines-I'm too well ac- quainted with the Colonel, which fhe muft not know. [Afide.] Excufe me, Sifter, I fhou'd only ſpoil your Con- verfation. Enter Servant. Serv. Here's Colonel Ravelin, and another Gentleman to wait on you, Madam. Mad. Bring 'em up. [Rifing in a hurry, and running to the Glass. Mart. Ha! the Colonel! oh my Heart: I must be gone; I wou'd not have him know me for the World- Well, Sifter, I'll leave you to your deſirable Company. Mad. Adieu, ma Soeur.- [Exit. Enter 158 MARPLOT. Enter Colonel Ravelin and Charles. Ah! Monfieur le Colonel ! Rav. Ah Mademoiſelle Joneton! Mad. Ha, ha, ha! I have a moft comical Story to tell you, ha, ha, ha! fuch an Amour, ha, ha, ha! fuch a Letter, ha, ha! fuch a Conqueft;-what makes me fo merry? I am fure I have Cauſe enough to the contrary; my poor Paroquet is dead, Colonel. Rav. Dead! Mad. Dead, it died upon my Hand, it talk'd and bufs'd me till the laft Moment; oh my Heart is broke, oh, oh, oh, oh. [Weeps. Cha. So, fhe's refolv'd to play over all her Tricks I fee. [Afide. Mad. Oh I can't contain myſelf when I think on't, oh, oh. Rav. Oh unlucky Accident; give her Air. ✔ Cha. In my Opinion fhe has already too much of that. Rav. Mrs. Sufan, looſe her Lace; within there, bring fome cold Water. [Enter Servant with Water.] She re- vives; for Heaven's fake how do you do, Madam? Come I'll procure you another Paroquet. Mad. Oh not ſo divertiſant, it had a thouſand pretty Actions; one Day as Monſieur le Markee de belle Jambe was entertaining me with a Recital of his Amours-ha, ha, ha! I have a pleaſant Tale to tell you of him too, ha, ha, ha, ha! he's marry'd, ha, ha, ha! Cha. Upon the Titter again, deliver me from ſuch a Medley I fay. [Afide. Mad. To a thirty thouſand Pound Fortune, ha, ha! but the Eſtate lies in Terra Incognita; I have recom- mended Imagination for his Steward, and Philoſophy for his Equipage, ha, ha, ha ! Rav. The Marquis let me into the Secret, ha, ha! pray who is the Lady that has done him the Favour? Mad. Oh my Stars, what ails me? ah Maria Mater, the Room goes round. Rav. A Chair there, Mrs. Suſan; repoſe yourſelf a little, Madam, 'tis only Vapours, and will off again; thefe Affectations in another I fhou'd hate, but here I'm fated to the Folly. Cha. : MARPLOT. 159 Cha. Moſt fantaſtical: the Duce take me if I can bring myſelf to the Complaifance of aſking her how ſhe does. [Afide. Rav. How do you, Madam? Mad. Oh much better, Colonel, 'tis impoffible any Malady can ſtay long in your Company; I admire your Friend can be fo melancholy with a Companion ſo di- verting. Cha. I confefs the Colonel is of a fingular good Hu- mour, Madam, for an Englishman; we, generally ſpeak- ing, are dull, heavy, thinking Animals, not mov'd by the lofing of a Father. Mad. Moft unpolite! fuch a Lover as this, wou'd make me as ſplenetic as fourſcore. Rav. Alas, Madam, he's married. Mad. Married! nay then I forgive him ;—yet upon ſecond Thoughts, I won't neither, for he ought to have left his dogged Humours at Home, and not ſtamp Wife in the Forehead of every Woman he meets. Cha. He's mad that wou'd ſtamp any thing upon thee I'm ſure. [Afide.] Since I offend you, Madam, I humbly take my leave. [Going. Rav. I beg you wou'd excufe the Bluntneſs of my Friend, Madam; he's a very honeft Fellow. Oh that cou'd look upon her with Indifference. [Afide. Mad. Oh fie, Colonel, why that Requeft?_your Friend is a fine Gentleman-Nay, you ſhan't go, Mon- ſieur; you being a married Man, muſt underſtand every Thing that belongs to our Sex. [Runs and pulls him back by the Coat. Cha. Heav'n deliver me from the Study. [Afide. Rav. Ha, ha, ha! poor Charles, how he frets. [Afide. Mad. Here! give me your Opinion, how do you like theſe Cloaths? Cha. As I like every thing elſe that belongs to them, Madam. Mad. A very odd Expreffion that—but don't you think our Airs plus Engageant, than the Ladies in England, Monfieur? how did your Lady dreſs to catch your Heart? Cha. I never minded the Airs of her Perſon, Madam, ſhe had other Charms for me. Mad. This Fellow will give me the Hip confoundedly, if 160 MARPLOT. if he goes on thus-If all his Sex were fuch mortifying Animals, what a number of faſting Days fhou'd we have in the Calendar: we ſhou'd have no need of Indulgences, Pardons, and Penances, we ſhou'd live Saints and die without the fear of Purgatory. Cha. Colonel you'll excufe me, if I leave you, for faith ſhe has tired my Patience. [Afide to Rav. Rav. No, prithee tarry a little longer. Mad. What are you two whiſpering about? You ſhan't go till you have drank fome Tea; Sufan, get Water for Tea, and fet the Table ready. Sufan. 'Tis ready in the next Room, Madam. Rav. My Friend is a Lover of Tea, and was juſt en- quiring of me where I thought the beſt was to be got. Cha. The Devil take his excufe, now there is no getting off. [Afide. Mad. That I am Miſtreſs of any Thing worth his Ad- miration, is no ſmall Pleaſure to me; I dare be vain to fay, I can recommend him to the beſt in Portugal, along. [Sings a Minuet, and dances out. SCENE, The Terriera de Paſſa. Enter Marplot folus. Marp. Methinks they ſtay a curfed while. Egad I'll e'en afk for Charles; the Story this young Fellow brought of a Letter will be a rare Excufe. [Going up to the Door. Enter Bravo with a Letter. Bravo. What Countryman are you, Sir? Marp. Countryman, Sir? why I am an Engliſhman, Sir, I'm not aſham'd of my Country. Bravo. I have a Letter for an Englishman, but thoſe that fent it don't know his Name. Marp. From a Lady I warrant? Egad here's another Intrigue of fomebody's popt in my Way now; I've a good mind to own the Letter, open it and fee what's in't; but if ſhould come from an old Woman- Sir, does it come from Youth or Age? Bravo. From Youth and Fire I affure you. -Pray, Marp. Becauſe I expect a Summons from a very beau- tiful young Lady myſelf. Bravo. Your Defcription is juft, Sir, Marp. MARPLOT. 161 Marp. Say you fo, Sir? why then I believe it is for your humble Servant, Sir. Difcoveries come thick to- day; I am a lucky Dog, faith. Bravo. Not unlikely; there it is, Sir. [Gives him the Letter. Marp. Ah Colonel, ah Charles, what wou'd you give to be in my Place now? But hang it, I'm good-natur'd, ſhe ſhall fall to one of your Shares, for I wou'd not give a Halfpenny for the fineſt Woman in Liſbon for my own Sake. [Opens and reads,] What's here? The Reader is a Villain, and deferves to have his Throat cut. Surpriz- ing! upon my Soul, Sir, this Letter does not belong to me. I am a lucky Dog now indeed. Enter Don Lopez. Don Lop. Upon my Soul, Sir, you lie. Draw, Sirrah, or I'll rip your Guts up. Draws. Marp. Draw, Sir? for what, Sir? Oh bloody-minded Wretch, what will come of me? [Afide. -The Devil take the Don Lop. For opening the Letter, Villain. Marp. A pox on my curiofity Letter, 'twas none of my ſeeking, the Fellow faid it was for an Engliſhman, an, an, an I did not know but it might have been for me, as well as another, I aſk your Pardon with all my Heart. Don Lop. Rot your Compliments; if it had come from my Sifter, it had been for you, Sir; therefore draw, or by St. Anthony- Marp. Sifter! as I hope to be ſav'd, Sir, I know never a Man's Sifter in the Univerſe. Don Lop. Cowardly Dog, [beats him.] dare to lie with a Man's Wife, and not dare to fight for her? more Marp. Mercy upon me, I lie with a Man's Wife! Oh, Sir, you are the moſt miſtaken in me that ever you was in your Days, Sir; upon my Faith, I never knew what Woman was, nay, Sir, I never car'd for a Woman, that's But indeed here are two or three Gentlemen of my Acquaintance very much given that Way. Don Lop. Are there ſo, Sir? Mar. Oh exceedingly- -now I won't fwear it is not one of them.——I wiſh I were fairly rid of him. [Afide. Don Lop. Your Safety depends upon your Information. Let me know where to find them, and you ſhall live. II VOL. II. Enter 162 MARPLOT. Enter Col. Ravelin, and Charles behind them. Marp. Thank you heartily, Sir,-What a curfed Pre- munire I have brought myſelf into now, for egad I'll not tell where Charles lives, if I die for't- -I'll, I'll, I'll tell him a wrong Place, I'm reſolv'd. Don. Lop. Come, where do they lodge? What are you ſtudying for? ha! [Slaps him. Marp. I, I, I, I, can't think of the Name of the Street for my Blood-it is,-it is,-what d'ye call the Street when you turn the Corner of your Right Hand, and then turn again of your Left, and then again of the Right, and ſo back by the Left, an, an, an, fo, an, an, acroſs the what d'ye call call 'em, an, and- Don Lop. No equivocating, Sirrah. [Draws. [Draws. [Holds the Sword to his Breaft. Cha. I thought it was Marplot's Voice. Rav. Since he lives, we'll preſerve him. Mar. Ah, good Sir, I, I, I, I, I, dear Charles. -Ah Charles,. Rav. Guard your Life, Sir, or ceafe to affront this Gentleman. [They beat of Don Lopez, and the Bravo. Marp. Victoria! Victoria! Faith Gentlemen you came in the lucky Minute, or I had been a dead Man. Rav. Nay, in my Confcience I believe thou❜lt never die in thy Bed. Which of your inquifitive Actions brought this upon you? Cha. Was this your Chimney Adventure, or another? Marp. No faith, this was another about a damn'd Let- ter, and cuckolding fomebody, and debauching that Spaniard's Sifter, and the Devil knows what; I wiſh one of you two is not at the Bottom of this. Rav. Ha, ha! Come Charles, we'll to your Lodgings, where he ſhall give us the whole Relation of his Adventures. Marp. With all fincerity- and I have fomething elfe to tell you, Charles; there's a Lady in Love with you, and has fent you a Letter; but mum, you ſhall pro- miſe to let me into the Secret, or you ſhall know no more on't. Cha. How brisk the Rogue is again already! I thought you might have had enough of Secrets. Marp. MARPLOT. 163 Marp. Oh, the Mind you know is never ſatisfied. Were all the Joys that Nature could beſtow Within my Power to tafte, I'd rather know What every Man endeavours ftill to hide ; And having that, wou'd care for nought befide. [Exeunt. Rav. ACT IV. SCENE, Charles's Lodgings. Enter Charles, Col. Ravelin and Marplot. A Very pretty Account, ha, ha, ha! what do you expect will be the End of your Cu- riofity, Marplot? Marp. No good in this Country I fear, yet for my Blood I can't help it. Cha. What, can't you help dogging People, and open- ing Letters of no concern to you? Marp. O' my Soul, I have made Refolutions upon Re- folutions to the contrary, but to no Purpoſe; there is a tickling Defire runs through my Veins, which is always craving as my Stomach- -and makes theſe Diſcoveries as neceffary as my Food. Tho' faith I never mean any Harm- -why this Letter now, who the Devil dream'd of a conſumed Challenge? Rav. You ſhould always dream of the worſt, Sir. Marp. That's not my Maxim, Colonel; methinks. ill Luck comes faft enough. Look ye Gentlemen, 'tis as much your Fault as mine, if you wou'd take me with you,' or tell me the Bottom of Things, I fhould trouble my Head no further; but here you leave me in the dark, and nothing to do, but entertain my Fears, which are ſtrong for my Friends; and moſt of the Miſchiefs I do, proceed from my concern for their Safety; and here I got thump'd and beaten for my good Intentions, and that's all, on every fide. Cha. And all you deſerve; ha, ha, ha! Enter Servant. Serv. There's a Gentleman below enquires for you, Sir, he has Buſineſs for you from England, he ſays, Sir. Marb 164 MARPLOT Marp. From England! who the Devil can this be now? Cha. Bring him up. Enter Ifabinda. [Afide. Ifab. I have a Letter and Packet for Mr. Charles Gripe. Cha. I am the Perfon, Sir. Robin, reach a Chair; pray be pleaf'd to fit, Sir. [Opens and reads the Letter. Marp. From England! Ha, ha! Sir, your humble Servant; why this is the very Gentleman I told you of, Charles- So, fo, well, well, and how does Dona Cephifa? What, ſhe will have him then? and nobody elfe? what does the fay to you, Charles? ha? How does ſhe write? ha? Nay, egad you fhall let me into this Buſineſs, Mun- -for I have been chief Promoter of it I am fure, therefore no ſhuffling, Charles- Cha. No, no, I fcorn it, Marplot; there, read, read. [Throws him the Letter. Marp. Why that's civil now- Let me fee how theſe Spanish Dames exprefs themſelves-My deareſt Life- Humph-As frank and fond, as if it came from an In- habitant of Covent Garden, egad— I hope this will find you fafely arriv'd in Lisbon-ha, Liſbon—why what the Devil does fhe mean? Let's fee what's at Bottom: from your ever loving Wife, Iſabinda Gripe. A murrain Gripe you -Piſh, pox, I wonder'd you was fo ready to ſhow it me indeed. [Throws it down. Cha. Ha, ha! what, does not the ſecret pleaſe you? Marp. Pleaſe a Fiddleſtick; why, what did this young Dog mean? Egad I wiſh Charles wou'd beat him for the Diſappointment. [Afide. Cha. Pardon my Memory, Sir, I have ſeen your Face ſomewhere, but connot recollect where. [To Ifab. Ifab. Heav'n continue his Ignorance. [Afide.] Very likely, Sir, I have liv'd moſt of my Time in this Place. Mar. Ay! why how in the Name of Wonder did he come by this Letter then? [Afide. Ifab. A Factor to my Uncle, Sir Francis Tradewell, from whom I receiv'd that, with Orders to deliver it to you. Marp. Oh, ſo it came. Cha. I know Sir Francis very well, and for his Sake, Sir, I fhou'd be proud of being better acquainted with Afide. you. [Ifab. MARPLOT. 165 Ifab. Sir, you honour me- [Afide. -fhe has fent the Marp. Pies of his Acquaintance, I fay. Rav. I hope your Lady's well, Charles. Cha. At your Service, Colonel- Papers I told you I forgot; now I fhall diſpatch my Bufinefs very quickly, the longs to ſee me, ſhe ſays-'tis a poor good natur'd Tit, and I lov'd her heartily 'till I married her; but whether her over-fondneſs, or the eaſy Acceſs every Man has to his Wife, takes off the Edge of my Appetite, but methinks I fee her not with half that Defire I us'd to do, when I ſcal'd her Window for a Kiſs; the Memory of it is ftill pleaſant. Marp. Ah! my Shoulders remember that Time too. Ifab. Ungenerous Declaration! 'tis very unjuſt in my Opinion to flight the Thing that loves you, I'm ſure 'tis what I could not do. Marp. I fancy you never try'd the matrimonial Strength of Inclinations yet, Sir, therefore can be no Judge: Nature abhors Conftraint. Rav. Ay, ay, Inconftancy is a Fault in Nature, and who can help it? Cha. Right, Colonel! and when you marry Made- moiſelle Flutter yonder, you'll have a Proof of what I ſay. Marp. Mademoiſelle Flutter, who's fhe? I never heard of her before. [Afide. Rav. Let her look to that—I thought Charles's Wife had been a Favourite of yours, Mr. Marplot, but I don't hear you make the leaſt Enquiry after her Health. Marp. Look ye, Colonel, I hate to be balk'd, for that puts every thing out of my Head,-Hark ye, what did you mean by telling me ſuch a confounded Story upon the Terriera de Paffa, of a rich Merchant's Daughter, Donna Cephifa, and I can't tell who? What was it all but a Sham then? Ifab. Why really, Sir, you was fo inquifitive, that I had no other Way to difmifs you, and it is not my Cuſtom to let one Man into the Affairs of another. Rav. Poor Marplot, thou art balk'd every way; ha, ha! Marp. Well, there was never good Times fince this ſhuffling and lying came in faſhion. [A Letter tyed to a Stone, is tofs'd in at the Window; Charles takes it up, and reads to himſelf. Marp.. 166 MARPLOT. Marp. Hey day! where the Devil came that from? [Runs to the Window. Ifab. I fancy it came from that Fellow, which looks up yonder; [Seeming to look out.] there is nobody elſe near -Ha, my Eyes deceive me, or he belongs to ſomebody in the Houſe where I lodge-I'll home and make the beſt Obſervation I can in this Matter. Ah, poor Charles, theſe Courſes are more dangerous than thou art aware of; I'll not diſcover myſelf yet, perhaps I may fatisfy my Curi- ofity better as I am. Afide. Rav. An Affignation, Charles ; fend thee better Fortune than laft Time. Cha. 'Tis from the fame Woman, Colonel-No, no, 'tis only fome roguiſh Boy, toffing Stones about in Pieces of his Copy-Book. Marp. Humph, but that Sham won't take tho'. [Afide. Ifab. Oh well diffembled-Sir, I'm your humble Ser- vant. Cha. Sir, I hope I fhall have the Honour to ſee you here again. Ifab. Sir, the Honour will be mine. Enter Ravelin's Servant. Serv. The Trap-door is unbolted, Colonel. [Exit. [Half Afide. Marp. What's that of a Trap-door now? Odds Heart here's two confounded intrigues on foot, and I am out at both, and they'll be hang'd before they'll let me into one of them. [Afide. Rav. I'll be there immediately. [Exit Servant. Marp. Where, Colonel? I wish I cou'd ſplit myſelf in half now, that I might follow them both. Rav. Again at your Impertinence? ha, ha! Cha. He can't help it for his Soul.-Tho' we take dif- ferent Poſts, I fancy 'tis one and the fame Action. Prof- perity to yours. Rav. The fame to thine. Mr. Marplot, adieu. Marp. What fhall I do between both? Pox on't, 'tis very unlucky-Then you won't let me into the Secret, Colonel ? Rav. Pofitively no. [Exit. [Catches hold of Charles. Cha. Marp. Nay, nay, nay, Charles, you won't both leave me, will you. MARPLOT. 167 Cha. Indeed, Marplot, I have extraordinary Buſineſs. Marp. Do but tell me what it is, nay, tell me but fome- thing relating to't, and I'm fatisfy'd. Cha. Why then to be ingenuous, the Letter which was tofs'd in is a Challenge, and I am going to ſeek for a Se- cond; now if you cou'd fight, you'd fave me the Labour. Marp. Ah, the Devil take it, that I never learn'd to fence. Why did you not engage the Colonel? Cha. Becauſe I ſaw he had Affairs of his own to purſue. Marp. What wou'd I give for Courage now!-Pies on't, what is it that makes Men ſo ſtout? Egad I'm ready to weep to think I can't ſerve my Friend; I have the Theory of fighting, methinks-I only want the practic Part. Cha. So, I have found the Way to drop him at laſt- well, I hope you are fatisfied. Marp. Satisfied! no faith, Charles, I am not ſatisfied. Ods life, I'll tell you what I can do, I'll charge my brace of Pocket Piſtols, and ſhoot him-if you will. Cha. Oh fie, there's a diſhonourable Action, indeed. Marp. The Devil take Honour when Life's concern'd, what will a Man get by it? Cha. I have not Time at preſent to clear that Queſtion. Farewell. [Exit. Marp. Farewell! Egad 'twou'd be faring very ill tho', if he fhou'd be kill'd. I wiſh I knew where to find Colonel Ravelin.-Oh Lord, oh Lord; I never thought to aſk Charles where this Duel was to be fought, and then whither cou'd I fend him? Well thought on, yonder he goes; I'll follow till I fix him, and then I'll foon call Com- pany enough to part them-Egad I love my Friend as I love my Life. [Exit. SCENE the Street. Enter Charles with a Rope-Ladder, Marplot at a Diſtance. Cha. Let me fee, ſhe has chang'd her Apartment, ſhe has fent me Word-her Window now is over the Door, this muſt be it. [1hrows up his Ladder, which falls down again. Enter Margaritta. Marp. Humph, I ſee what kind of Challenge it is now; a Man 168 MARPLOT. a Man muſt have a rare fighting Stomach, that will ſcale the Window of his Antagoniſt. Marg. Here, here, Senior, the Coaft is clear, come in at the Door boldly, my Lady is all Impatience to ſee you. Cha. Mine is the greateſt; in, in my dear. [Exeunt. Marp. [Sings.] Ah, put her in mind how her Time fteals on- -Oh, Charles, the Devil a Second did you want; that was only a Sham to get rid of me. Ha, ha, ha! how comically Things jump in my Way! I'll fecure the Ladder tho' for him; this is a great Houſe, but whofe it is, is the Query? If I thought I ſhou'd not have my Bones broke, I wou'd make bold to enquire- -who Enter behind him Don Perriera, and Don Lopez. have we here? They feem in deep Conſultation-Oh bleſs me, one of them is the Bloody-minded Spaniard; egad it is not ſafe to be ſeen. [Exit between the Scenes. Don Per. I have done all you order'd me to a Tittle, and have taken Leave of my Wife for three Days, under Pretence of Buſineſs at St. Ubes. Don Lop. That's well. I can't find who this Villain is, but I warrant we ſhall have him faft enough. Now do you return, and cunningly convey yourſelf into the Anti- chamber Cloſet; there lie concealed, he'll not be long abſent, if he's not there already; in the mean time I'll wait in the Street, with two or three trufty Fellows, that fhall diſpatch him if he falls in our Way. [Exit. Don Per. And if I find myſelf a Cuckold, Fire, Blood, and Brimſtone, if I catch 'em, I'll fend them both to the Devil. [Exit into the Houſe. Marplot comes forward. Marpl. Mercy upon me, what an Oath was that? Why certainly, they think Murder a venial Sin here, and make no more of killing a Man, than cracking a Nut. This is certainly Charles which they threaten, for the old Ca- cademon is gone into that Houſe. Which way ſhall I give Charles Notice of his Danger? I have a good mind - to cry out Fire; but when they find there is no fuch Thing, they may burn me perhaps. Hark, I hear ſome- body coming, 'gad I fhall be beat again. [Exit. Enter on the other Side. My - MARPLOT. 169 My Fear hears double, I think, I can fee nobody.-Odd I'll make Uſe of this Ladder; he talk'd her Apartment was over the Door, ſo that perhaps I may give him Warn- ing at the Window, and he may come down the fame Way.-Oh Lord, which is the Houſe, now? Is it this, or this, I wonder? Choke me if I can tell; what a blundering Sot was I not to take better Notice! this muft be it certainly. [Seems to throw up the Ladder between the Scenes, and Exit.] Heav'n fend me good Luck, for I tremble horridly. [Exit. SCENE draws and diſcovers Marton's Apartment. Marton and Colonel Ravelin. Rav. Nay, this is ftarving a Man in Sight of Plenty; how many times have you put me off with Excuſes and fair Promiſes of the next Time? Mart. And how often have you ſworn Conſtancy, Co- lonel Rav. Humph! Look you, Madam, I am a true Pro- teftant, and have a mortal Antipathy to Confeffion; I bear the Queen's Commiffion, and will entertain all that will fairly lift under me; then let me have no more of thefe little Jealoufies; I'll make as good Proviſion for thee as for any Lady in Portugal, fo prithee let's come to a right Underſtanding: if thou art plagu'd with an old fu- perannuated Hufband, who wants a young Fellow to aid and aſſiſt him, here he ſtands; if thou'rt a Widow, and wants one to manage the Affairs of Love, I'll give you my Word you can't have a better; I'm an Arithmetician, as well as a Soldier, and can caſt accompts as faſt as any Man: And if thou'rt a Virgin, egad I'm as good an En- gineer. [Embracing her. Mart. You have miſtaken your Plan, and may raiſe the Siege, Colonel, for you'll ne'er carry the Town this Way; I own I love you, and if I ſaid with more Sincerity than ſhe, I fancy I ſhou'd not injure her Paffion; my Birth's as noble, my Fortune not lefs; you give me fome Proofs indeed, that my Perſon falls fhort of her Charms to engage the Heart of Colonel Ravelin. Rav. Thy Perfon? Thy Perſon is a charming Perſon, and my Heart, and all the reſt of the Appurtenances, are H at 170 MARPLOT. at thy Service, my Dear; thy Birth and Fortune are Things indifferent, fo no more to be faid about them. Mart. Will you marry me then? [Hugging her. Rav. Ah! what a Turn's there? Who cou'd have thought, after thy Manner of proceeding, thou would'ſt have afk'd fuch Security; why thou art an Ufurer in Love, but prithee uſe Conſcience; don't expect a Man to be a Slave all his Life. Marriage! why what confounded Extortion is that! Ods Heart, thou art more mercenary than an Agent; look ye, Madam, I'll give you Heart for Heart, and I think that good lawful Intereſt, and thou ſhalt have my Body for Performance of Articles. Mart. Ah, Colonel, you'll bring a Habeas Corpus, and remove it as foon as the Campaign begins. I don't like theſe Priſoners at large. Rav. And great Souls hate Reſtraint. Marplot in the Balcony. Marpl. I have him faith-ah, how cloſe they are! egad, it grieves me to part e'm-but there is no Help for it. Fly, Charles, fly, there's the Devil and all of Plots againſt you-here, here, give me your Hand, come this Way through the Window. Mart. Oh! a Man at my Window ! Oh! my Reputa- tion is undone for ever. [Faints into a Chair. Rav. How's that? a Man? [Looks up and fees Marplot. Marp. The Devil! The Colonel !-Zounds, I am cer- tainly bewitch'd- -I, I, I, had as good have fall'n into the Hands of Turks and Tartars. Ŏ Lord, O Lord, my Ladder is gone, what fhall I do now? Rav. Marplot! 'Sdeath you Son of a Whore, I'll make an Example of you, to all inquifitive Rafcals in the Uni- verſe. [Strikes at him with his Sword. Marp. Ah, Colonel, for Heav'n's fake fave my Life; upon my Soul you'll make me break my Neck, for Í hang only by my Hands; may I be flic'd into Collops, if I knew anything of your being here; certainly I am the moſt unfortunate Fellow breathing. Rav. Zounds, come down, Sirrah, and ceaſe your bawling, or I'll ſhoot you thro' the Head. [Pulls out a Pocket-Piftol. Marp. MARPLOT. 171 Marpl. Oh, oh, oh! I will, I will, I will, dear Colonel. [Comes down. Rav. For Heaven's fake, Madam, don't be frighted! 'tis an honeft fooliſh Fellow of my Acquaintance; there's no Danger of your Reputation, my Angel. [Runs to Marton. Enter Mademoiselle Joneton. Mad. What Noife was that? ha! what do I fee! my Sifter and the Colonel? ah, ah ! [Faints. Rav. Confuſion! ſhe here? I'm betray'd: What, ho, within there. Mart. Ha! my Sifter! nay then I'm compleatly wretched. [Afide. Marp. Nay now we ſhall be murder'd-Oh Lord, what do you mean by calling out, Colonel? Rav. 'Sdeath, what do you mean, Raſcal, by com- ing here? This Miſchief is all owing to you. I have a good mind to cut your Throat. [Runs to Marton.] Ma- dam, Madam; ods Heart was ever Man in this Condition? What ſhall I do between 'em? Run, Sirrah, and call fomebody. [Kicks him. Marp. Lord, Colonel, have a little Patience; fee, fee, fhe revives. Mad. Is this your Reſervedneſs, this your Modeſty, this your hating Mankind, Sifter? Rav. How's that, her Sifter? I have made a fine Piece of Work, faith: Rafcal, I cou'd find in my Heart to break your Bones. [Boxes him. Mad. You have decent Inclinations for a Nun; you had a mind for a Taſte of the World before you left it, Sifter. Mart. The World-the World is ſurfeited with your Im- pertinence, and I wou'd avoid tafting what may breed a Fever, but I refolve to let nothing ruffle that Calmneſs with which my Soul's poffeft at preſent, for this Day ſhuts me from the World and you for ever. [Exit. Marp. What does the mean by that now? But Colonel, Charles will be kill'd.-Upon my Soul, Colonel, Charles is in Danger. Rav. What do you mean? 'Sdeath I'll tofs you out the fame Way you came in, you long to ſpoil all. H 2 Marp. 172 MARPLOT. Marp. Spoil the Devil-I tell you he is in one of theſe Houſes, I ſaw him go in, and heard an old Cuckold fwear what he'd do if he caught him with his Wife; and then egad went into that very Houſe. My Eagerness to give Charles Notice of the Danger, tumbled me a-top of you a Pies on't. Egad I think no Man meets fuch bar- barous Returns for his Good-nature, as I do. Rav. Nay, if Charles is really in Danger, I beg your Pardon with all my Heart, Mr. Marplot. Mad. What is this Confultation about? Et bien Mon- fieur, who are you thinking of? Rav. Of you, Madam; Inclination and Honour holds Difpute, Inclination chains me to your Prefence, but Honour calls me to the Reſcue of my Friend: And I hope his Diſtreſs will excufe my abrupt Departure. Adieu, ma chere Ange. Mad. And will you then precipitate yourſelf into Dan- ger? This Gentleman will go. Marp. She's very charitably inclin'd towards me, I thank her. Mad. Won't you, Sir? [Afide. Marp. Why, look ye, Madam, I, I, I will go with all my Heart, but, but, but, but,- Rav. But a fingle Arm is weak Affiftance, where the Danger is fo ftrong-befides it wou'd be a Reflection upon my Honour.. -You are my Guardian Angel, if you fmile I fhall return in Safety. [Exit. Marp. Faith is the main Point of Religion: Pray take me into your Protection too, Madam. [Exit. Mad. So, he is gone then; now wou'd not I give a Diſh of Tea for a Lover that I cou'd not make facrifice every thing to me. Theſe Engliſhmen have too much Senfe to make Hufbands of: For only he ſhou'd to our Sex be dear, Who from a Look is capable of Fear. The Man of Courage lords it every where. [Exit. SCENE the infide of Don Perriera's Houfe. Enter Donna Perriera, Charles and Margaritta. Donna Per. I like the Deſcription you have given me of England extremely, and envy the pleaſant Life your Ladies MARPLOT. 173 Ladies live. I wiſh their Huſbands cou'd teach ours their Complaifance. Cha. We had rather teach their Wives, Madam, who have much more Docility. Donna Per. We! Why, are you in the Number of mar- ry'd Men? Cha. I have a Breviat to act as one, Madam, in the Abſence of your Huſband, if it is not your Fault. Come, my Angel, we ſhall be interrupted again. Donna Per. Why! you have no more Friends to come down the Chimney, have you? Marg. If you have, I wash my Hands of him; no more Deliverance from me, I afsure him. I hate to have a Scheme balk'd, that is fo well laid. Cha. No, no, Seniora Margaritta ; what I apprehend is the Return of your Maſter. Donna Per. He's fafe for three Days, which Time I expect you'll paſs with me. I have ſeveral Doubts to be refolv'd, and as many Articles to make, ere I give myſelf entirely to your Power. Cha. What Agreements are we to make, I wonder? All Secrets, I fuppofe. The next Room is more private, I fancy; there I'll do my endeavour to ſolve your Scru- ples. Donna Per. Margaritta, bring Wine and Sweetmeats into the next Room. Cha. Well thought on. The amorous Feaſt of Cupid ſoon wou'd cloy, If Bacchus did not join the fainting Boy. [Exeunt. Enter Don Perriera. Donna Per. Margaritta, bring Wine and Sweetmeats. Don Per. And is it then true at laft? am I a Cuck- old? Oh Vengeance! Vengeance! Oh Anthony, thou Guardian Saint of Lisbon, give me Patience; let me have chriſtian Charity upon their Souls, for I fhall have no Mercy upon their Bodies. to take their Confeffions, and wait their coming; fhou'd I looſe my Revenge too foon: I have fent for two Prieſts then they die: Here I'll enter, my Eyes wou'd let 'Tis enough that I have H 3 them, 174 MARPLOT. them fecure, and that my Ears have heard a Man's Voice with this vile Adultrefs. SCENE changes to the Terriera de Paſſa. Enter Ifabinda ſola. [Exit. Ifab. As I suspected, he is here in this Houſe; thro' the fovereign Power of Gold I have diſcover'd all; but for my Eafe, wou'd I had been ignorant ftill. O Charles, who can boaſt of Honour, that ſtarts not at the Breach of Vows? Who have we here? Enter Lorenzo. Lor. Methinks I never went fo heavily an Errand in my Life; I am forry for this Englishman, and heartily forry for my Miſtreſs; for, to give her her due, ſhe is the beſt-natur'd Woman to her Servants living: And faith I can't blame her for loving this Gentleman better than that old gouty, pthificky, crook-back'd covetous Hunks my Mafter. Ifab. Ha! this is the Servant which I brib'd. Of what Errend is he fent? [Afide. Lor. What Saint fhall I invoke to fave this wretched Pair? I know St. Anthony is engag'd on Don Perriera's Side- Let me fee, there is fome She-faint that has been a Sinner this Way herſelf; if I cou'd think of her Name, ſhe'd be the fitteſt Perſon to do their Bufinefs. Ifab. Their Buſineſs! Oh, my boding Heart foretells fome Miſchief. Lorenzo- Lor. Ha! Who's there? Ifab. 'Tis I, fear not: What is the Cauſe of your Complaint? Lor. Oh! is it you, Senior? Oh, your Countryman's undone. My Mafter pretending to go to St. Ubes for three Days, conceal'd himſelf in the Houſe unknown to every body, and has diſcover'd all. I am fent this Mo- ment for two Monks from the Convent of Sante Vincente to confeſs the Criminals, and then you know what follows. Ifab. Death! Oh Diſtraction! Which, oh, which Way, ye Powers, ſhall I fave this perjur'd Man? Lor. Ay, dear Sir, think, if it be poſſible. Ifab. Oh Charles! little doft thou think how dear thy unlawful Joys are purchas'd; three Lives for a momen- tary Blifs. For, in ſpite of all the Cauſe thou haſt given me, thou'rt ſtill as dear as Virtue to my Soul, and Life with- out MARPLOT. 175 out thee is not to be borne. Oh, hear me, Heaven, that knows my chafte Defires, and pity the Diſtreſs that tears my Breaft; inftruct me how to ward this fatal Blow, and fave a Man that may return to thee. Ha! methinks I feel the inſpiring Thought, and Hope begins to feed the Springs of Life- Lorenzo, first bring the Prieſts to me. If you perform this Buſineſs with Succefs and Se- crecy, I'll double twice this Sum. [Gives him Money. Lor. May I meet the Fate defign'd for them, if I'm not faithful to you. Ifab. If by this Plot I fave this perjur'd Man, I give the greateſt Proof of Love that Mortal can. [Exit. A CT V. SCENE I. Don Perriera folus. Don Per. WHAT a curfed while this Rafcal ſtays; if he comes not inftantly my Rage will get better of my Reaſon, and I fhall diſpatch the foul Adulterers without Confeffion. Enter Lorenzo, and Ifabinda in a Prieſt's Habit, and one of the Priests with her. Lor. I have obey'd your Orders, Senior, here are the Prieſts. Don Per. But very flowly, hang-dog. [Strikes him, Prieft. Peace be to you, Son. [Ex. Lor. Don Per. That's not your Buſineſs, Father; try if you can adminiſter Peace to my falacious Wife and her young Amouretta within there but do you hear, Father, diſpatch the Buſineſs of their Souls as ſpeedily as I will that of their Bodies: But if Heaven has no more Mercy than I ſhall have, your Labours might have been ſpar'd. Prieſt. Speak not fo irreligiouſly. which is the Room? Keep your Diſtance. [Ex. Prieft and Ifab. Don Per. Make hafte then, or I fhall take your Work out of your Hands. Now let me confult my Inſtruments of Death, for I'll have no Bounds to my Revenge. I'll, I'll, I'll, flea e'm alive. SCENE draws, and discovers Donna Perriera and Charles. Donna Per. Is it the Unreaſonableneſs of my Requeft, or H 4 the 176 MARPLOT. the Smallneſs of your Reſpect, that causes this Hefita- tion, Senior? fure if I give myſelf entirely to your Arms, may deſerve to be freed from the Embraces of a Wretch I hate. I'll not be chargeable to you in my Paſſage, I have Jewels of a confiderable Value to defray that Ex- pence; I infift upon a Promiſe, that you will convey me to England, and then I am yours. Cha. Why then to deal ingenuouſly, Madam, I am married in England, and fhan't well know how to bestow you there- But whilſt I am here, Child, I am thine. Enter Ifabinda and Priest. Donna Per. Oh, we're undone, this Hour is our laſt. Cha. Ha! what are you? [Laying his Hand to his Sword. Prieft. Our Habits fhew what we are, and your Guilt what you have need of. Cha. Priefts! Nay, then our Condition is worſe than I expected. Ifab. Come, Son, confider the great Work you have to do. Death waits without, therefore examine yourſelf within. Cha. The Work muſt be all my own, Father, I have no Occaſion for a Journeyman, fo you may ſpare your Pains. Prieft. How, a Heretick! Alas poor Soul, how much it troubles me. Cha. Pray Father exprefs your Trouble ſomewhere elſe, I have no Faith in your living Doctrine, and reſolve to have nothing to do with you in Death, therefore don't trouble me Is there no Way to eſcape? and muft I die cowardly? No, that I will not. [Draws.] The firſt that advances dies; I'll have Company at leaſt. Ifab. A weak Defence, alas, fhou'd I deſert him- Put up your Sword, in pity to your Ignorance, and in Hopes of converting you to the true Faith, I'll deliver you from this Hazard. Cha. But can you ſave her too? Ifab. How, Son! is this a Time to dream of future Pleaſures? Cha. I'll give you mine Honour, Father, never to ſee her more; but as I am Partner of the Guilt, I wou'd not have the Puniſhment be only her's. Ifab. MARPLOT. 177 Ifab. Well, I'll endeavour to preſerve her too; obſerve my Orders well, turn your Face, here put on this Garment, my Brother there will conduct you to a Place of Safety, where I defire you'll wait till I come; look not behind you, nor ſpeak as you paſs to the Huſband of that Lady. Cha. This Prieſt is an honeft Fellow. [Puts on the Cloaths.] Nothing like the Habit of Sanctity to cover cloſe Deſigns, I fhall obferve your Directions moſt re- ligiouſly, Father. Prieft. Come, Son, your Hand-Madam, I leave you one to comfort your diftrefs. [Exeunt Priest and Charles. SCENE huts, then draws and difcovers Don Perriera listening. Don Per. How ftill they are at Confeffion! I fancy the Penance I ſhall enjoin them will quicken their Voice. So, [Enter Prieft and Charles. fo, your Parts are done then, Fathers? now for mine. Prieſt. Done! I'm afraid, Son, you are not right in your Senfes, you have given us the Trouble of coming to confefs two Adulterers, you faid; but how you can make two Women fuch, I leave to you, for there is no Male Thing in that Room by my Prieſthood; take care you put no more Affront upon our Cloth. [Exit. Don Per. Women! I'm amaz'd! Women! Egad I'm raviſh'd, tranſported, nay, tranflated methinks above the Stars; I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, od I know not what I am, I'm ſo glad to find myſelf no Cuckold- -Ah, but how ſhall I look my Wife in the Face tho' for having blam'd her wrongfully? Ay, there's the Devil now— -Pox take her Brother for inftilling theſe Jealoufies into my Head, I fear ſhe will never forgive me—and indeed 'tis more than I deſerve-Oh that ever I fhou'd ſuſpect her Virtue. SCENE draws and diſcovers Donna Perriera on her Knees to Ifabinda. Donna Per. Oh, Madam, you have ſet Vice and Virtue in their proper Light, from whence I fee the Deformity of one, and the Beauty of the other; your generous For- giveneſs is all I want, to raiſe my Soul above a fecond Fall. I have injur'd you, but- Ifab. No more of that; the good Inclination which you ſhew wipes out all Faults with me, and your Perſeverance will give you as large a Share in my Breaſt, as if you never 12 VOL. II. H 5 had 178 MARPLOT. had offended. Rife, Madam, I hear the Door unlock, prepare your Huſband according to my Direction, and leave the reft to me. Enter Don Perriera. Don Per. Ay, there they are both Women by Saint Anthony-that ever I fhou'd be fuch a Dunce to think myſelf a Cuckold—which Way ſhall I ſpeak to her now? Oh, my poor dear innocent Lamb is all in Tears, nay thou haft Cauſe to weep, that is the Truth on't. Donna Per. What have I done, my Dear, that you ſhou'd expofe me thus? Don Per. That thou haft done nothing at all to merit it, is my Grief.-Nay do not weep, thou wilt break my Heart, indeed thou wilt; I wifh with all my Soul thou had'ft cuckolded me; I think in my Confcience I cou'd forgive thee now. Donna Per. What Reparation can you ever make me, for the Stain you have caſt upon my Fame? expos'd me to the Prieſts! cou'd you have found no other Way? Don Per. I was to blame indeed, Wife; Oh forgive me, [Falls on his Knees] or my Heart will burſt : Oh, oh, oh, oh! Ifab. Nay, now, Madam, you muſt forgive him. Don Per. Ay do, dear Madam, intercede for me; I'll never riſe, except my dear virtuous ſpouſe will ſay ſhe pardons me. Enter Don Lopez with his Sword drawn. Don Lop. What! Hangman like, are you aſking Par- don ere you diſpatch her? I'll lend you a helping Hand, fince you are not Maſter of your Refolution. [Don Per. rifes haftily, and catches down a Blun- derbufs, and cocks it at Don Lopez. Don Per. Zounds, put up your Sword, or by Saint Anthony, I'll fhoot you thro' the Head. Donna Per. Do you ſtart, Brother? Cou'd you inflict that on me which your own Courage ſtarts at? Cruel Man. Ifab. A Brother ſhou'd rather reconcile, than blow the Coals of Strife; 'tis barbarous in Strangers, but much more ſo, in thoſe ally'd to us by Blood: Revenge, tho' juſt, excludes Religion, and he that purſues it, poiſons all his Morals, and impudently affronts that Power which gave him Breath to threaten. Don Lop. MARPLOT. 179 Don Lop. Hey Day! what Philoſophy have we here? Don Per. Out of my Lodgings, I fay, without one Queſtion more, and never ſet Foot into them again, as you hope to keep your Guts in. I'll be plagu'd with no more of your Jealoufies, I warrant you. Don Lop. Fine! your Lodgings !—but hear me, Don, dare not, for your Soul, fay you match'd into my Family, or you Miſtreſs,-boaſt of any Blood of mine, as you value thoſe Eyes-for from this Day I hold you as a Baftard, and may Perdition feize you both. [Exit. Don Per. Was ever Man fo plagu'd? Come, dry thy Eyes, my Dear, and mind him not; I'm glad I'm rid of him-and if thou doft but forgive me now, by this Kiſs I'll ne'er offend again. [Kiſſes her. Donna Per. Then I am happy. Don Per. Pray Wife, who is this Lady? Donna Per. Heav'ns! what ſhall I ſay now? [Afide. Ifab. Hold, Madam,-Let me intreat your Prefence, with your's, Sir, in my Apartment, which is directly under this, and that you would ſuſpend your Curioſity 'till that Time. Donna Per. This is certainly an Angel in Diſguiſe. Don Per. We'll wait on you. Enter Servant. [Afide. Serv. Here's Mademoiſelle Foneton to wait on you. Don Per. Bring her up. Ifab. I'll take my leave, and ſhall expect you with Im- patience. Don Per. The Defire of knowing how to treat you as I ought, Madam, will give me Wings to follow you. [Exit Ifab. Enter Mademoiſelle Joneton. Mad. My Dear, I'm glad to ſee you-O Senior, are you there? Pray, when do you intend to return to your Houſe? will it never be finiſh'd? It is enough to murder one to come up this high-Poſitively I'm as much out of Breath as a Trumpeter. Ah peft, it has given me a Colour like a Cook-maid. Don Per. Thou art more impertinent than a Valet de Chambre-My Houſe will be finiſh'd next Week, Ma- dam, 180 MARPLOT. dam, and 'tis to be hop'd theſe Diſorders which you com- plain of will ceaſe. Mad. Very probable they may-I am horribly cha- green'd to-day, my Dear, I have made twenty Viſits within this Hour, and can meet with no Converfation to my Goût the Vanity of the Men gives me the Spleen, and the Infipidneſs of the Women makes me fleepy-I came juſt now from my Lady Betty Trifle's, where I ſet the whole Room a Yawning; ha, ha, ha! Donna Per. Impertinence a Perſon of your polite Converſation, muft not expect to be diverted every where : How does your Sifter, Madam? Mad. Alas! fhe's dead. Both. Dead! Mad. Metaphorically ſpeaking, ſhe has inclos'd herſelf, where ſhe intends to mortify with Hymns and ſpiritual Songs, and has left me the whole World to range in. Don Per. And I warrant you think that but a Garden. Mad. If the Sea cou'd be drain'd, 'twou'd make a very pretty Park, Senior. Don Per. Humph! this is a Woman of a copious Fancy -Well, my Dear, I'll go before you. [Exit. Donna Per. Not for the World. Madam, if you pleaſe, fince you are upon the viſiting Pin, I'll introduce you to a new Acquaintance- I'd rather take her with me, than fuffer him to go without me. Mad. With all Satisfaction, I love new Acquaintance extremely; is it a Man? Donna Per. No; a Lady. Mad. What has fhe to recommend her?-But no Matter, I'll wait on you. The Devil take this Colonel, I can't get him out of my Head; I'm half afraid, I endure him more than I imagin'd. [Afide. Donna Per. Madam, will you give me leave to wait on you down? [Exeunt The SCENE draws, and difcovers Charles ſolus, in Ifabinda's Apartment, looking about. Cha. What will be the Iffue of this Affair, Heav'n knows. To what End am I order'd to ſtay here, under the fame Roof? and why is this Prieft fo long a coming? My Mind miſgives me, it was no Prieſt-but fome Rival, jealous MARPLOT. 181 jealous of her Favours, found the Way to furprize us, and contrary to the Cuſtom of a Portugeze, has Honour enough to diſpute it with me fairly; faith I wiſh that may be the worſe on't. Enter Colonel Ravelin, and Marplot. Marp. Egad, here he is-Charles, I'm glad to find you alive with all my Blood- Cha. The Devil! Ha! Colonel Ravelin there too! you furprize me? how did you find me! Rav. By Marplot's Direction, you know he's a very good Finder, he affur'd me you wanted my Affiſtance- Marp. Ah, Charles, which got the better in the Duel, ha? what Weapons did you fight with. Rav. I can't tell what Engagement thou haſt been in, Charles, but by thy Looks, I fancy it hath not pleas'd thee. Cha. I have run fome Hazard ſince I ſaw you, Colonel ; but if I had caught you dogging me, I'd have hamſtring'd you, Raſcal Marp. Very fine-See what a Man gets for his Good- will now-But if I had not thought you in Danger of Hamftringing, and Heartſtringing too, the Devil a Step wou'd I have fetch'd. I'm fure the old Cuckold frighted me out of my Wits with his Threats, and the Colonel here has almoſt broke my Bones, and all for you————and thus you reward me. Cha. The old Cuckold? what do you mean? Marp. Nay, let the Colonel tell you what I mean, for my Part, I'll have nothing to do with you, as long as I live again-Bleſs me, what do I fee? The very old Dog that ſwore by Fire, Blood and Brimftone, he wou'd fend you to the Devil-Oh Lord, oh Lord, draw Gentlemen, draw, put yourſelf upon your Guard, Charles; Oh, dear Colonel, ftand by him; ods Life I tremble ſo, I cannot get my Sword out for my Blood- Enter Don Perriera. [Draws. Cha. Ha! what are you, Sir? Rav. Get you behind me, you timorous Puppy. [Draws. Don Per. What do you mean, Gentlemen, to murder me? Cha. I mean that you ſhan't murder me, Sir. Don Per. You, Sir! I don't know you, Sir. Marp. Not know him, Sir, what a confounded lying old Thief 182 MARPLOT. Thief you are. I'll take my Oath I heard you and that bloody-minded Spaniard threaten what you'd do to this Gentleman, if you catch'd him in your Houſe; egad, Charles, knock him down. Don Per. Oh, Mr. Sweep-chimney, are you here? St. Anthony defend me, what Ambuſcade am I tumbled into? This was certainly my Wife's Gallant, and has impos'd upon the Prieſts, as well as me, in Petticoats, and now has trapan'd me here to murder me -Help, Murder, Treafon, Murder, Help Cha. Ceaſe your Bawling, old Lucifer, or expect no Mercy. [Points his Sword to his Breaſt. Rav. Confefs your deſign, and produce your villainous Gang, and they ſhall have Satisfaction equal to their Merits. Don Per. Gang! By St. Anthony, I have no gang; I came hither to wait on the Lady who belongs to this Apartment, but little thought of meeting with my virtuous Wife's Gallant. I ſuppoſe I am decoy'd hither to have my Throat cut, therefore come on both of you, old as I am, I yet can ſtand a Puſh. [Draws. [Runs off. Don Per. I wish I had known you in Petticoats. Cha. Ha, this muſt be Don Perriera; but what does he mean by Petticoats? Hold, Sir,-what is the Lady's Name of this Apartment? Marp. Oh, oh, Murder, Murder. Don Per. I know not; it was to be informed of that I came, but I ſuppoſe you are the Lady, Sir. Rav. This fhallow-brain'd Whelp has made a damn'd Blunder here—this is a very odd Riddle, Sir, pray——— Enter Marplot running. Marp. Ah! a Ghoſt, a Ghoſt, a Ghoſt- Don Per. St. Anthony defend me, a Ghoſt? where? [Croffes himself. Enter Ifabinda, Donna Per. Mademoiſelle, and Margaritta. Oh, Madam, is it you? this is the Lady I came to wait on, Gentlemen. Cha. Ha! ſhe here! [Marg. whispers Cha. Marg. That Lady in the Habit of a Prieſt, deliver'd you- do you know her? Cha. Know her? yes-delivered by my Wife !- Mad. MARPLOT. 183 Mad. The Colonel here too? I'm not difpleas'd with this Vifit. [Afide. Rav. My Miftrefs !-a pretty kind of Rencounter. [Goes to her. Cha. Oh let me fly into thy Arms, my Ifabinda, my charming Love, thou holdeſt more Virtues in thy Breaſt, than thy whole Sex can boaſt: Canft thou forgive me, Ifabinda? Ifab. As freely as thou can'ft afk it; but huſh, we ſhall be obſerv'd; let not the Company know this is our firſt Meeting. I was loth to truft the Writings with Strangers, fo brought them myſelf. Cha. Thou art all Goodneſs. Ifab. I thought I heard Murder cry'd out, as I enter'd, Senior. Don Per. Why, truly, Madam, if you had not come as you did, I was in danger of my Life here. Cha. 'Twas only a Miſtake, my Dear: I aſk your Par- don, Sir. Marp. Egad, and fo it is; a Pox of my Zeal- Don Per. Pardon, Sir? This is a very odd Miſtake, Sir. Ifab. I hope all Miftakes will be clear'd, Sir. I know you lov'd my Father, Sir Jealous Traffick; and fo for his fake, I hope you'll know my Hufband. Don Per. What! my old Friend? yes faith will I; Sir, I am yours; but I muſt kifs your Wife. My Dear, why did not you tell me who ſhe was before? Donna Per. A good Reaſon, becauſe I did not know it. [Afide.] You faw fhe forbad me, my Dear. Marp. Now, you are all acquainted, I'll tell you how I came to miſtake this Matter: I did not know this was a Houſe of Lodgings, and that my Friend had remov'd hither, till I found him out by Accident, upon my Honour, Senior- Cha. The Rogue will ſtumble out an Excufe. Don Per. Honour! Pray, Sir, upon your Honour tell me how you got out of my Room? Marg. For your Soul, no Squeaking-[Afide to Marplot. Marp. No, no; never fear me. Egad, what fhall I fay now? Why, Sir, you muſt know I am a Chymiſt, and have found out a Secret that will open and fhut all Locks what- ever; that help'd me out, Sir. Don Per. 184 MARPLOT. Don Per. Say you ſo, Sir? Pray will you communicate? Marp. Not for your whole Eſtate, Sir. Don Per. I'll have this Fellow fent out of Town, for by the Help of this Secret he'll cuckold all the Men in Lisbon. Cha. Ha, ha, ha! what a Lie has he lit of————Colonel, won't the Lady capitulate upon honourable Terms? Rav. She defires two Days Conſideration, a great while for a Man to faſt, that is almoſt ſtarv'd already. Mad. Well, Colonel, to fhew you that I am good- natur'd, I'll put it to Arbitration. Cha. Nay, then, Madam, we ſhall all give it againſt you. Don Per. What's here, a Wedding on foot? Prithee let's have it juſt now to reconcile all Differences, and, tho' I have not danc'd theſe forty Years, I'll take a Turn among you. Marp. So! I'll he hang'd if this is not Mademoiselle Flutter now. Pox of theſe Matrimonial Intrigues-but egad we will have Dancing--I'm reſolv’d. [Exit. Rav. Faith, Madam, the Cannon of Conftancy is a heavy Carriage, and if I fhou'd fummon my Senſes to a Council of War, and make Reaſon Judge-Advocate, 'tis odds but I raiſe the Siege. Mad. Well, Colonel, if I furrender Priſoner of War, remember I expect to be generously us'd. Rav. You ſhall have no Caufe to complain. Omnes. We wish you Joy, Colonel. Don Per. Now for a Dance. Enter Marplot. Marp. And I have brought the Mufick. [A Dance. Cha. Come, Colonel, Marriage is the only happy State, when Virtue is the Guide. Ifab. In vain we ſtrive by haughty Ways to prove Our chafte Affections, and our duteous Love. To ſmooth the Hufband's rugged Storms of Life, Is the Deſign and Buſineſs of a Wife; Men from Example more than Precept, learn, And modeſt Carriage ſtill has Power to charm. After my Method, wou'd all Wives but move, They'd foon regain, and keep their Husbands' Love: Our kind Indulgence wou'd their Vice o'ercome, And with our Meekneſs ſtrike their Paffions dumb. THE THE PLATONICK LADY. A COMEDY 1 As it is Acted at the QUEEN'S THEATRE IN THE HAY - MARK E T. PROLOGUE. By Captain Farquhar. Spoken by Mr. Betterton. Rejoice, ye Fair, the British Warriors come Villorious o'er, to your foft Wars at home. Each Conqueror flies, with eager Longings fraught, To clafp the darling Fair, for which he fought. He lays his Trophies down before thofe Eyes, By which infpir'd, he won the glorious Prize. Prouder, when welcom'd by his generous Fair, Of dying in her Arms, than conquering there. O! cou'd our Bards of Britain's Iſle but write With the fame Fire with which our Heroes fight : Or cou'd our Stage but reprefent a Scene, To copy that on great Ramilla's Plain ; Then we with Courage wou'd affert our Plays, And to your glorious Laurels join our Bays. But our poor Pegaſus, a Beast of Eafe, Cares not for foraging beyond the Seas: Content with London Provender, he flies, To make each Coxcomb he can find, a Prize: And after trudging long, perhaps he may Pick up a Set of Fools, to furnish out a Play, To make him eat, and you to entertain, That for his Safety fought beyond the Main. Your Courage there, but here your Mercy fhew; The Brave fcorn to infult a proftrate Foe. • EP I- EPILOGUE. Spoken by Mr. Wilks. To you, the Tyrant Criticks of the Age, To you, who make fuch Havock on the Stage; Aſſault with Fury every coming Scene, Like Heroes arm'd at Ramillies, or Turin. Whilft vanquish'd Wit, fhrunk from her native Glory, Like the cow'd Gaul, too weakly ftands before ye. Since then the Poets play this Lofing-game, 1, a poor Suppliant in the Mufes Name, Beg to avert our trembling Author's Fate; And, like the fad Bavarian Advocate, Refiftance vain, we to your Mercy fly, And court you now to lay your Thunder by. Of laughter'd Wits let the Effufion cease, We, like the humble Lewis, fue for Peace. EPILOGUE. Defign'd to be Spoken by Mrs. Bracegirdle, but came too late. Written by the Author of Tunbridge-Walks. WHa Hat mighty Pains our ſcribbling Sot has ſhewn, To ridicule our Sex, and praiſe his own, As if we Women muſter'd all our Charms, To tempt an odious Fellow to our Arms. One Lady proves fo fond, or rather mad, She'd fain confefs a Child ſhe never had. Alas! how many Nymphs about this Town, Have pretty Moppits, that they dare not own? Then EPILOGU E. Then a Weft-country Damfel trots to Town, And talks of Paint, falfe Hair, and Rump-up Gown, Things which to Men fhou'd never be reveal'd, But equally with Cuckoldom conceal'd. Yet, tell me, Sirs, don't you as nice appear, With your falfe Calves, Bardash, and Favrite's here? [Pointing to her Forehead. Nay, in Side-Boxes too, I've often known, 'Mongft Flaxen-Wigs, Complexions not their own; Who hifs good Plays, and to Camilla fly, Draw out their Pocket-glaffes, Squint, and cry, [Sings.] Thefe Eyes are made ſo killing, &c. Young Templars too, with upſtart forward Graces, When Pummice-ftone has travell'd o'er their Faces, March hither, vhere Mobb'd-Hoods too often ply, And want a Lodging, tho' fix Stories high; Where the fond Youth the modeft Dame implores, And at Day-break ejects her out of Doors. Some Cheapfide-Bobbs too trudge it to our Play, Faith Jack, this Hay-Market's a curfed Way, What fignifies the Quality or Wits, The Money, Daniel, rifes from our Cits. Who, like Cock-Sparrows, hop about the Benches, And court, with Sixpences, fat Orange-Wenches. In short, you Men have more fantastick Ways, More Follies, than can e'er be ſtuft in Plays: But fince all Satire's for your Mirth deſign'd, Excufe all Errors, which to-night you find, And to this Play be generous, juſt, and kind. E P I- EPILOGUE. YOur By Mr. Norris as Drawer. Our Servant, Mafters, I'm fent on a Meſſage, From fome defponding Ladies in the Paſſage, They wait your kind Approaches to the Rofe; And want- -Hark'e- -a Supper I fuppofe; [Softly. And who this Day cou'd no Affair tranſact, Begg'd me, to pass my Word for the laft Act, Ajuring me, that when the Play was done, It fhou'd be worth to me full half a Crown : We Drawers are Men of Parts in our Vocation, And countenance the crying Sins o' th' Nation, That is, fince Vice first grew a Recreation: We imitate the hungry Lawyer too, Take Fees on both Sides, and both Justice do, I mean, if we think proper to do so; Nay, we're in Fee with them, and on occafion, Are fent to witness fome damn'd Obligation. Thus all the World by different Ways wou'd thrive, And foolish Poets think by Plays to live, They're the worst Customers that we receive; They fcore, and ſcore, and brag of a third Day, And then they'll certainly -hum- never pay. Much more I have to fay, but never ftir [Bell rings O lack, I'm wanted at the Bar—Coming up, Sir. [Runs off. Dramatis Dramatis Perfonæ. MEN. Sir Thomas Beamont, Uncle to Beamont cont} and Lucinda, Mr. Betterton. * Sir Charles Richley, contracted to Ifa- Mr. Booth. bella when young, Captain Beamont, under the Name of Belvil, in Love with Lucinda, Sharper, a Man of the Town, of } Mr. Wilks. Mr. Cibber. Mr. Pack. Robin, Servant to Belvil, Equipage, Servant to Sharper, Mr. Norris WOMEN. Lucinda, Niece to Sir Thomas, in Love) Mrs. Brace- with Beamont, Ifabella, an Heirefs, in Love with Bea-) girdle. mont, but contracted by her Father Mrs. Oldfield. to Sir Charles in her Childhood, Mrs. Dowdy, a Somerſetſhire Widow come to Town to learn Breeding, Toylet, Woman to Iſabella, Betty, Maid to Lucinda, Peeper, Maid to Mrs. Dowdy, Mrs. Brazen, Mrs. Willis. Mrs. Bignal. Mrs. Mills. Mrs. Lee. Mrs. Bullock. Mantua-Women, Milliners, Match-makers, Tire-Women, Singing-Mafters, Dancing-Mafters, Porters, &c. SCENE, LONDON. THE THE PLATONICK LADY. ACT I. Enter Mr. Sharper, and Equipage his Man. Equi. AS I was faying, Sir, I have advanc'd the Expences of our Summer's Expedition from Epfom to Tunbridge, from Tunbridge to the Bath, and from thence to London here; where inftead of Board- wages, I have liv'd upon Hopes that fome of theſe Places wou'd furnish you with a Bubble, and me with Money; but I fee no Appearance of it: Therefore pray let you and I diſcount. Sharp. Prithee, Equipage, have but Patience to fee what this Winter produces. Equi. No, Sir; the Affront you put upon me at Tun- bridge I can't forget, when you had loft fifty Guineas to the Knight upon Honour, and pretended you had fent me Poft to London to your Efcrutore for the Money, and that I had robb'd you' and run away with your Keys; when you ordered me to keep out of the Way till he had left the Town. Sharp. Thou know'ft I had no other Quibble to avoid paying the Debt, and quitting the Place with Honour : Come, don't reflect upon my Misfortune; we have feen better Summers. Equi. In troth, Sir, I thought Bath promis'd well; I am fure 'twas very full of Company; and if you had not fallen in Love, you might have paid me out of the Subſcription. Sharp. 192 The PLATONICK LADY. Sharp. How muft I have liv'd like a Gentleman then, Sirrah? I ſhall break your Head. Equi. I have done upon that Subject, Sir; I only defire my Diſcharge and Wages; that's all. Sharp. Do you know what you afk, Equipage? A Gamefter and a Soldier are both Sons of Fortune; now to quit my Service, is directly to embroil yourſelf with Fortune. Equi. I have been embroil'd with her from the firſt Day I enter'd into your Service: but I thank my Stars I am above Fortune, and deſign to forfake the World. Sharp. Ha, ha! forſake the World. I am Equi. Yes, Sir, I have lately made fome Moral Reflec- tions on the Uncertainty of worldly Pleaſures. weary of being well beaten, and ill fed; of paffing the Night at a Tavern Door, and the Day in carrying Mef- fages from one Miſs to another. In fhort, Sir, I am weary of the fubfervient Title, without the fubfervient Money, and refolve to marry; that is, when I can find a Woman that deſerves me. Sharp. A difficult Matter, truly. Equi. So it is, Sir; but this Digreffion makes you for- get that there is a ſmall Rule in Arithmetick to be adjuſt- ed. I have ferv'd you theſe eight Years at twenty-five Crowns a Year, which in plain English is forty-two Pounds Sterling; of which I have received now and then a broken Pate: Nevertheleſs there remains two and forty Pounds; which I defire you'd give me immediately, Sir. Sharp. Two and forty Pounds—a great deal of Mo- ney- -eight Years Service; Mercy upon me! have I had Patience to endure this Dog fo long? How Equi. How have I had Patience to ſtay thus long for my Wages? Sharp. Are not you a Rogue, Sirrah? Equi. Yes, Sir. Sharp. And deſerve to be hang'd? Equi. As Affairs ftand now it ſeems. Whilft I was filent I was a very honeſt Fellow; but now I aſk for my Wages, I'm fit for the Gallows: Faith, Sir, you might be a Duke by your Confcience. Sharp. Well, Sirrah, you know I am good-natur'd ; hang The PLATONICK LADY. 193 hang me if I am not very unwilling to part with thee: I will not turn thee away; go get my Cloak. Equi. Turn me away! why, 'tis not you that turn me away; 'tis I that turn you away, if you go to that. Sharp. Well, well, we won't difpute about that; thou fhalt not leave me. Equi. Be pleas'd to pay me then; for I deſign the Money for my Wife's Jointure: Look ye, Sir, here's the Receipt ready. Sharp. The Devil's in the Fellow, I think; thy Noddle runs of nothing but thy own Bufinefs; prithee let's think a little of mine. Mrs. Brazen the Match-maker is to help me to a Somerſetſhire Widow worth fifty thouſand Pounds; ſhe's juft come to Town. Equi. But pray, Sir, juft.confider my Buſineſs. Sharp. I tell you, I am in hafte to ſee her. Equi. 'Tis done in one Word, Sir; my Wages. Sharp. Well, fince you are ſo refolute, we will part, tho' it trouble me never fo much. Let's fee how you have drawn it. Equi. There, Sir. Give me the Receipt : Sharp. Now begone; I diſcharge you. Equi. But my Wages, Sir. [Gives it him. Sharp. Ah, Equipage, Equipage, the parting with thee foftens me even into Tears. If I ſtay I ſhall unman my- felf Farewell. [Exit. Equi. The Devil! did not I know him well enough not to truſt him with the Receipt till I had the Money? But, egad, I'll be even with him one Way, I'll have his cowardly Bones well beaten, if my Project takes. [Exit. SCENE changes to Ifabella's Lodgings, Enter Ifabella and Toylet. Toy. I can't imagine from whence proceeds the Change. You that us'd to love Parks, Plays, Balls, Drawing- Rooms, Picquet, Baffet, and fuch nice Converſation: You'd not endure my Lady Lockup, becauſe ſhe enter- tain'd you with nothing but railing at her Servants ; of their Waſte, and her good Houſe-wifry; nor Mr. Self-love, becauſe he always got to the Glaſs before you? my Lady Wrinkle laid on too much White, and my Lady Blouze too much Red; and Mrs. Coquet engrofs'd the whole Com- 13 VOL. II. I pany : 194 The PLATONICK LADY. pany: My Lady Prattle fill'd your Ears with the Beauty and Wit of her Children. Ifab. And is there any thing ſo diſagreeable on Earth, as the Sayings of Mifs and Maſs repeated? But what of all this? Toy. Why, then, I wreck my poor Brain in finding out why you ſpend fo much Time with your Country Coufin, Mrs. Dowdy: who is the very reverſe of every thing you us'd to admire. Ifab. Charity, Toylet, perfect Charity. You know my aukward Coufin wants Inftructions: She's left a rich Wi- dow, and comes to London on purpoſe to dreſs and make a Figure. Toy. Born and bred in Somerſetſhire; never five Miles from Home before, wore the Cloth of her own ſpinning, deign'd to make her own Butter, paid the Labourers their Wages on Work-days, and took a Jigg with them on Holy-days. She will make a Figure indeed, by that Time the Faſhion-mongers have done with her. Pardon me, Madam, if I can't help thinking you have ſome ſtronger Motive than Charity. fab. What does your Wiſdom gueſs? Toy. Why, truly, Madam, I ſhould gueſs your Ladyſhip may have fome fmall Pulfe for the handfome young Offi- cer that Mrs. Dowdy is fo much afraid you ſhould fee, and thruft you into the Bed-Chamber, when he came into the Dining-Room: I remember with what Fury you catch'd up the red-hot Poker, and burnt a Hole through the Door to look at him: Belvil, I think they call his Ñame. Ifab. Upon my Life thou haft hit it, Girl; I'll not con- ceal my Plot, ſince I deſign thee chief Inſtrument. If you remember. I told you that five Years fince I was in France; and my Mother's Sifter being of the Romish Per- ſuaſion, had enter'd herſelf among the Augustines in Paris: She over-perfuaded me to board there too, hoping (I ſup- poſe) from her Endeavours to make me quit my Religion, and make myſelf a Nun. During my Abode there, this very Gentleman us'd to make me frequent viſits at the Grate; the firſt Time I ſaw him he came along with ano- ther that paid a Compliment to a young Lady of the ſame Convent : Our Acquaintance held near two Months. 'Twas then, Toylet, that I felt the force of Love, but not The PLATONICK LADY. 195 not without a thouſand Proteftations of the fame from him. But my Father hearing of my Aunt's Deſign, and ap- prehending my Youth, (for I was then not full fixteen) might be prevailed upon to change my Faith, ſent for me to England in fuch Hafte, that I was not permitted to ſtay one Hour in the Monaſtery after the Meffenger arrived; ſo had no Opportunity to inform Belvil of my Departure. Toy. I prefume you've kept a Correſpondence ever ſince. Ifab. No, I knew not how to direct to him; he told me he had been bred in the Spanish-Netherlands and came to France only for his Pleaſure his Parents (he faid) were English, and he ſpoke the Language very well. Toy. Nor did not you inform him of your Family? Ifab. He often preft it, and I promis'd to satisfy him; but my Father's unexpected Commands broke all our Meaſures; and from that Day, till I faw him here, I never heard of him. Toy. And what is your Deſign now, Madam? I fear he is a Man of Gallantry: beſides you know he makes Love to your Couſin ; you cannot love him ſtill fure? Ifab. Indeed I do; nay more, can love nothing elſe. Toy. What will you do with Sir Charles Richley then? who your Father upon his Death-bed enjoin'd you to marry, whom he contracted you to in your Childhood. Ifab. I cannot love him; it was in my Nonage, and the Barter's illegal; and therefore I'll not mind it; befides I'm inform'd he is in Love elſewhere, and cares as little for me as I for him; and I would not be a Wife i'th' Mode. Toy. In my Opinion, Sir Charles has all the Accom- pliſhments of his Sex, and a fair Eſtate. Ifab. I own it; but I have a whimſical Heart, not to be touch'd with Jointures and Settlements. Toy. And if I have any Skill in Faces, Belvil is a general Lover. Ifab. No Matter; my Conqueft will be the greater to get him from them all; beſides, I will run any Riſk to break this unreaſonable Contract. Toy. What you pleaſe, Madam; I am ready to convey a Letter or a Meſſage to him. Ifab. No, I have a Stratagem to try his Temper, and fathom his Inclinations. I do not intend to diſcover myſelf to him, till I have him within my Power, beyond a Poffibility I 2 196 The PLATONICK LADY. Poffibility of Retreat. Come in with me and I'll give thee a full Relation, and prepare ourſelves for my Deſign. [Exeunt. The SCENE changes to Belvil's Lodgings; Belvil in a Night-Gown playing on a Flute; he lays it down ana looks upon his Watch. Bel. Ha! 'tis time to drefs. Robin ! Rob. Sir. Bel. My Things. Enter Robin. Rob. Here's a Letter for you, Sir. Bel. [Takes it and looks on it, then gives it him again.] Lay it by. Rob. Won't you read it, Sir? Bel. No, I know the Hand. Egad, it is as hard to get rid of a Citizen's Wife, when liſted in her Service, as Subſtance out of the Hand of an Agent, who is juſt ſet- ting up his Coach: She's as troubleſome as a Dun when our Stock's exhauſted? Rob. Here's another Letter, Sir; and the Footman ſtays for an Anſwer. Bel. Lucinda's Character! Slave, how durft you defer my Joy fo long? Rob. Oh, Sir, ever whilft you live the fweeteſt Bit for the laſt. Bel. [Reads.] The Brightness of the Day tempts me to a Morning's Walk; if you've an Inclination, you'll find me in the Park at Twelve. Lucinda. AnInclination! Yes, I have an Inclination; I wiſh you wou'd gratify it. Bid the Footman wait; I'll ſend an Anſwer. [Exit. Enter Peeper. Rob. So, Mrs. Peeper; what news from Somerſetſhire? Peep. Somerfetſhire, Manners; you ſhou'd have ſaid St. James's; for my Lady is as great a Belle as the Beſt of 'em, I affure you that. Re-enter Belvil. Rob. A Belle ! fo is a Broomstick. Bel. Carry this Letter to the Footman. Well, Mrs. Peeper, what Affair brings you? Peep. The PLATONICK LADY. 197 LADY. Peep. I come from my Lady, Sir: She- Bel. [Dreffing himſelf.] Robin, my Coat. Peep. Is impatient till the fees you: All the Trades in the Creation are employ'd in her Dreſs; ſhe ſpares no Art to charm you; there's Milliners, Mantua-Makers, Tire- women, and fo forth. Bel. My Watch. Peep. Amongſt a Crowd of Compleaters, a Match- maker has ſhuffled in, and propoſes one Sir John Sharper to her; if you are cold you'll loſe her, upon my Virginity you will. Bel. My Sword. Peep. Ha! how careleſs you are! what, not a Word? In truth, I don't know where you'll find fuch another Fool, as my Miſtreſs, with fifty thouſand Pounds. Bel. My Perriwig. Peep. Sure if you don't value my Lady, you might answer me. Bel. My Handkerchief and Snuff-box. So, am I well now, Mrs. Peeper? [Adjuſting himſelf. Peep. Well: Ah! Nature has been but too kind to you. But, Sir, concerning my Lady; you know I am entirely in your intereſt. Bel. Why then, to be fincere with thee, I never did, nor never ſhall care three-pence for her, without one thing. Peep. But her Fortune, Sir. Bel. Shall never tempt me to marry her at a Venture. Peep. No! Why then to what purpoſe do you court her? 'Tis calling your Gallantry in queftion to ſuſpect an Intrigue. Bel. No! Faith, Peeper, my Defign is quite another thing; and if thou wou'dft afſiſt me Peep. In any thing, Sir, within my Power. Bel. Say'ft thou; there then [Gives her Money.] When we wou'd have a Lawyer plead heartily, we muſt not forget his Fee. Peep. You are fo generous, that to keep up the Simile, Law-like, I'll ſpare no Breath to ſerve you. Rob. But don't you carry the Simile too far, and take Bribes on both Sides. Peep. I fcorn it. Inſtruct me, Sir. Bel. Find fome Way to perfuade her to let me fee the Writings 198 The PLATONICK LA D Y. Writings of her Eftate; tell her 'tis the only Way to fix me; for whatever we fay in commendation of your Sex, Beauty, Shape, Wit, and ſo forth, is but the Fable; the Moral is the Money, Girl. Peep. But you won't marry her, you fay, Sir? Bel. Not till I am ſatisfied what ſhe's worth, my Dear; but theſe Writings muſt be ſeen : Upon Honour, it fhall turn as much to your Account, whether I marry her or not. Peep. Nay then- will you prove it? Well, Sir, it ſhall be done; when Bel. Two Hours hence. Peep. Your Servant. Enter Sir Charles Richley. [Exit. Sir Cha. What, juſt upon the Wing? I'm glad I've nick't the Time, and find you without Company. Bel. Why, have you Secrets to impart? Robin, leave us. [Exit Robin] Come, come, difcloſe fome warm, wifhing, kind, confenting Fair: Or is it a plump, foft, wholeſome Country Girl thou woud'ft confign over to thy Friend? I'm not nice, nor care who plucks the Roſe I ſmell to, provided it has not loft its Sweetneſs. Sir Cha. Sure thou thinkeft the Buſineſs of the World is converted into Wenching. Bel. I'm fure there's no Pleaſure in that Buſineſs where a Woman is not concern'd. Sir Cha. A Woman is the Subject. But fuch a Woman. Bel. Bright as the Morn, when firft the World began, And I am doom'd to be the happy Man. Sir Cha. I fear fo, Belvil. Bel. Then fhe is in Love with me? Where does ſhe live? what's her Name? how dignify'd or diſtinguiſh'd! by Miſtreſs, Madam, or Right Honourable- Maid, Wife or Widow? Quick, quick, difcloſe. Sir Cha. 'Tis Lucinda. Bel. The Devil! have you raiſed my Expectation to this Height, then pall me with an Acquaintance? But what of her? Sir Cha. You brought me into the Danger; I came wounded off, and have no Hopes of Cure, but from your The PLATONICK LADY. 199 your roving Temper. You weigh the Sex alike, and with- out a Pang may give me leave to try my Fortune with her. Bel. This comes of carrying a Friend to fee one's Mif- trefs. Why, I thought you had been engag'd from your Childhood. Come, will you be upon the Square? bring me to your Miſtreſs; if I like her as well as I do Lucinda, perhaps we may agree upon the Change. Sir Cha. I will: fhe cannot fail to charm thee; all Eyes, but mine, adore her: And fure 'twas the Malice of our Stars caus'd our Fathers to conclude the Match, where Intereft only held the Scale, and gentle Love fled from either Side: But be ferious. How far are you en- gag'd with Lucinda? Bel. Faith, 'tis a kind of intricate Story, but you muſt be fatisfied. I have been bred a Soldier of Fortune, and am to this Day ignorant who my Parents were. The Man who took care of me, always told me England was my native Country, taught me the Language; and for ought I know, fome travelling Prince begot me: My Fofter- Father was in Battle kill'd, and never gave me farther Light: I had ſtill an Inclination to ſee this Country. Sir Cha. This Story ſeems romantic- Bel. You'll think it ſo before I have done : Being land- ed, and travelling with my Servant towards London, I loft my Way; Night came on; when, at a diſtance we dif- covered Lights and made up to 'em. It proved Lucinda's Country Houſe: Her Uncle, Sir Thomas Beaumont, kind- ly receiv'd and entertain'd us. Sir Cha. Lucky Chance! ני Bel. So it prov'd to them; for that very Night her houſe was beſet with Thieves: Their Number muſt have prevail'd but for our unexpected Aid; we beat them off, preferv'd their Wealth, and perhaps their Lives. The Lady exprefs'd a thouſand Thanks. The old Man grew inquifitive, who I was, and whence I came. I frankly told the Story of my Life: He ſtood amaz’d, and aſk’d me fifty Queſtions, and ſeem'd furpriz'd at every Anſwer. Sir Cha. Well; and what enfu'd upon that? Bel. Why, he has ever ſince been mighty fond of me, and forc'd Money upon me, which I could ſcarcely make him take my Note for. I 4 Sir Cha. 200 The PLATONICK LADY. Sir Cha. You're eſtabliſh'd every Way; his Kindneſs promotes your Intereft with his Niece. Bel. Quite contrary: His generous Carriage has oblig'd me to fwear to him, never to attempt to marry her, if ſhe fhould confent without his Leave, which he ſeems ſtill averſe to. I confefs I love her beyond the reſt of her Sex, except one I ſaw thro' a Grate in France, that I could never hear of fince: yet this Reſtraint keeps me from preffing my Suit of Marriage, and I have too much Re- ſpect to attempt the other. Sir Cha. Does fhe know the Injunction? Bel. No: that he forbad me too— devoted to Platonick Notions. -Befides, fhe is Sir Cha. I never mind that in a handfome Woman: This generous Declaration draws another Queſtion; Why do you addreſs Mrs. Dowdy? Bel. That's another Injunction of the old Gentleman's, to procure the Writings of an Eſtate out of her Hands, that her Huſband cheated a Relation of his of. You ſee, Sir Charles, I have a World of Buſineſs cut out, and have made you entirely my Confident: No foul Play; do ye hear? Sir Cha. There can be none with a Prince that aims at univerſal Monarchy. But fetting Love apart, laſt Night after you left us, there came a Fellow into the Chocolate- Houſe, who pretended he had made a Campaign in the Nature of a Volunteer; and amongſt a Number of pal- pable Lies, ſwore, at the Battle of Blenheim he purfu'd a French General over the Danube, and took him Priſon- er on the other Side, then brought him over upon his Back; the Enemies Cannon playing at him all the while: The. Company laugh'd: I confefs it rais'd my Spleen, and I cou'd not forbear ſaying, that Action was too glori- ous in itſelf to want a Romance to illuftrate it. Bel. So I fuppofe you brought a Squabble upon your Hands. Sir Cha. No; he fwore, look'd big, bluſter'd, and walk'd off. Enter Robin, and a Porter. Rob, Sir Charles, here's a Porter with a Letter. Port. The PLATONICK LADYLADY201 . . Port. Sir, a Gentleman that faw you come in here, bid me give you this. Sir Cha. [Perufes the Letter.] Very well, I'll come to him: Ha, ha, ha! [Exit Porter. Bel. Him! what, 'tis not a Challenge I hope? I muſt go with you. Sir Cha. Suppoſe.it true, 'tis not fair to carry a Second when the Inviter names none. But 'tis no fuch thing: Adieu. [Exit Sir Charles. Bel. If this fhou'd be a Duel now- -I cou'd never forgive myſelf for letting him go alone, eſpecially if he comes to any Harm. Rob. Why; ſuppoſe he ſhould be kill'd, Sir, Bel. Raſcal, I had rather ſuppoſe you hang'd, Sir. Rob. A fudden Death prevents a great deal of Vexa- tion, Sir, fometimes. Bel. How do you make that out? Rob. Why, when a Man takes his fick Bed, the fad Formalities that attend it, are more dreadful than death it- felf: His Friends and Relations all weeping round his Bed; a Lawyer, brib'd by his Spouſe to urge the Will: That made, the Sorrow is finifh'd; each then enquire after their Legacy : and the diſconſolate Wife having bor- rowed a Weed of her Neighbour, is confulting her Glaſs to ſee how it becomes her. Her Thoughts are where to find another Hufband; the Servants Heads full of their Mourning So that if the dying Man calls for a Cordial; flap, they give him a Bolus-He defires to be rais'd -they pull away the Pillow. : Bel. Ha, ha! Rob. The Doctor, whoſe Preſcription has poifon'd him, orders a double Dofe of Opium, to ſmooth his Paſſage to the other World; takes his two Guineas Fee, throws himſelf into his Chariot, and bids his Coachman drive on to the next Patient. Now, Sir, a Bullet, or an Oilet-hole in the Guts prevent all this. Bel. You muſt preach this when we are raiſing Recruits, Sirrah; Ha, ha! But I muſt to the Park to meet Lucinda. Enter Ifabella and Toylet, maſk'd. Ifab. Oh, Sir! if you are a Gentleman protect me. I 5 Bel. 202 The PLATONICK LADY. Bel. Ha! from what, Madam? Egad, I ſhall be famous for delivering diftrefs'd Damfels. Iſab. Purſu'd by an old jealous Huſband, whom I mar- ried by my Friends Command, when I had given my Heart and Vows to another; he begg'd for one kind part- ing Hour; which I, in Pity, granted: But, Oh! the ill- fated Moment brought both my Hufband and my Father to be Spectators of our Meeting; they call'd for Help to ſeize him, but he leapt the Balcony; and in the Buſtle I eſcap'd with my Woman, but know not whither. Toy. Blefs me! what a Story has ſhe patch'd up? Bel. Fear not, Madam, I'll defend you againſt all the Fathers and Huſbands in Christendom. Rob. And I will take your Ladyfhip's Woman into my Protection. Bel. If your Face anſwers your Shape and Mien, I can- not blame your Huſband's Fears: Convince me, Madam. Ifab. After what I have told you, if you are generous, you will not aſk to ſee my Face. Give me but Sanctuary here till Night fhall favour my Eſcape to a Friend's Houfe. Bel. Command it, Madam Robin, a Curfe of Fortune, to fend me a Collation at home, when I'm en- gag'd abroad: But I muft not diſappoint Lucinda. Ma- dam, Buſineſs of the laft Confequence calls me out; but my Return fhall be fudden. Can I ferve you, by enquir- ing if the Storm be over? Ifab. By no means: Enquiry wou'd ruin me. Return, perhaps I may inform you more. Bel. Humph! that was kindly infinuated At your -Robin, give Orders that no Perſon be admitted into my Lodgings in my Abſence. Madam, your moſt humble. [Exit. Toy. Well, Madam, what's your next Project? The Gentleman ſhew'd but little Curioſity. 'Tis certainly an Affignation that hurried him hence- or he had been more preffing to have ſeen your Face; and if he had, he would infallibly have remember'd you, and then your Plot wou'd have been ſpoil'd. Ifab. 'Tis impoffible: For having had the Small-Pox fince, I am perſuaded he will not know me. He ſays he will return inftantly; in the mean time I'll view his Lodgings. Toy. The PLATONICK LADY. 203 Toy. To what end will you ſtay? 'Tis ten to one if he comes back theſe fix Hours. Ifab. No matter; I refolve to finiſh what I once be- gin. I'll Purfue his Steps, and trace 'em with fuch Art, Diſcover all the Secrets of his Heart, The petty Tyrants by my Plots dethrone, And there erect an Empire of my own. Luc. W ACT I I. SCENE the Park. Enter Lucinda and Betty. HAT ſhou'd be the Reaſon of Belvil's Stay, Betty? I wish I had not ſent to him, I'm ve- ry uneafy: How calm my Hours were before I knew this Man! Betty. I thought Platonick Love never diſturb'd the Mind, Madam. Luc. Yes, when the Friendſhip is nice and particular. Betty. Nay, nay, I never knew Friendſhip in different Sexes but came to Particulars at laft: See here he is. Enter Belvil and Robin. Bel. So the bright Cyprian Goddess moves, When loofe, and in her Chariot drawn by Doves, She rides to meet the War-like God fhe loves. [Embraces her. Luc. Hey! what Lady have you laviſh'd your Wit up- on this Morning, that you are forc'd to trade upon other Mens Stocks? Bel. Hang theſe poetical Rogues, they publiſh every pretty Thought, that a Gentleman's forc'd to borrow to exprefs his own Notions. Luc. Pray how do ye apply the laſt Line. Belvil? -To meet arlithe wke God fhe loves. You may be vain enough to think yourſelf a Mars- But when did I betray the Weakneſs of a Venus? Bel. 'Slife Madam! I aſk your Pardon, this villainous Love 204 The PLATONICK LADY. Love is got into my Heart, and dictates ſo faſt to my Tongue, I had quite forgot your Platonicks. -And Luc. And our Articles laft Night too I ſuppoſe. Bel. Ah! the Study's as crabbed as the Law- he Practice as unpleaſant as Penance. Imprimis, that I must take Pains to make the World underſtand that our Converſation is only Friendſhip, and tho' nobody will believe mefwear I admire the Beauties of your Mind without regarding thofe of your Perſon- Proteft I have no Defire to kifs thofe rofy Lips- -prefs that foft white Hand-and figh my Soul out in your Bo- fom [Afide. Luc. The Devil! how the Fellow talks- All this you muſt poſitively obferve-But then confider the Freedoms I allow ballance the Reſtraint: I promiſe you all publick Marks of my Favour; my Conduct is fin- cere and open, I hate a falſe Prude that won't know a Gentleman in Company, tho' three Hours before ſhe had held private Conference with him in her Bedchamber; that folemnly declares ſhe never writ or receiv'd a Billet doux in her Life, and knows at the fame time ſhe keeps a Woman on purpoſe for the Buſineſs. Bel. Like your reforming Ladies, who all the while they are giving a young Fellow Advice againſt Wenching, their Looks flily infinuate a liking to his Perfon. Luc. Or Mrs. Prim the Poetical She-Philofopher, whoſe Difcourfe and Writings are fill'd with Honour and ſtrict Rules of Virtue; that vows ſhe cou'd not ſleep if ſhe was guilty of one criminal Thought—yet terribly wrong'd if ſhe has not twice flipt afide for a natural Tympany. Bel. Oh how I hate the noiſe of Virtue in my Ears from a Woman- -whom I know lives by Vice; and 'tis a Maxim with me- -That fhe who rails moft, yields fooneft. Luc. I have the fame Opinion of thoſe Men who boaſt much of their Secrecy, only for an Opportunity to gain fomething to betray-Well, I think our Sentiments agree, therefore I hope you fubmit to the Conditions. Bel. When one has given a Tyrant Power, 'tis Prudence to obey. Luc. The PLATONICK LADY. 205 Luc. Hold; one Thing more; during this League you must addrefs no other Woman. Bel. The Devil! You'll next preſcribe my Eating, Drinking, Sleeping, Walking-Nay, even Thinking! Madam, I fuppofe you have read of Efop's Ox. 'Sdeath! Madam I am of Cowley's Mind, when I am all Soul, I fhall keep your Rules. Luc. Nay, don't believe I am jealous; but it wou'd touch my Pride, to have it ſaid the Man I eſteem'd wor- thy to be ſeen with-was Miſtreſs Such-a-one's Conqueft- Bel. So by what I can diſcover, you'd have no other Affair upon my Hands, but waiting upon you to no purpoſe. Luc. To no purpoſe! Is not Friendſhip the nobleſt Aim of human kind? Bel. Had your Parents thought ſo, the World had ne- ver known your Charms; Ha, ha, ha! Well, but when I have ſworn all this, what Tie have I upon you? Luc. Oh you need not fear me- rence to your whole Sex. Bel. Heigh, ho! Luc. Why do you figh? I have an Indiffe- [Sighs. Bel. Only reflecting upon the defperate Caſe of a Friend of mine, who confefs'd to me half an hour ago he was dying for Love of you. Luc. Dying for me! Who is it, Belvil? Bel. Ha, my Platonick Lady, hang me if I tell you- Luc. Nay, let it alone- -I care not—I think I am weary with walking; you have often importun'd me to fee the Collection of Pictures you brought over. Come, my Maid's with me, I'll go now and drink ſome Tea with you. Bel. Oh the Devil! What a Time has fhe chofe now- Robin, Zounds--what ſhall we do with the Woman that is at home? [Afide to Robin. me Rob. Ah pox of Ill-luck; choak me if I know, Sir. Luc. What's that Whiſper? he ſhan't ſtir a Step before I'll have nothing but Tea. Bel. Dear Madam, let him go, he, he, he, he, ſha, ſha, ſhall only get a little Jelly or Sweet-meats or ſo- Robin, Sirrah, lock her into your Garret. [Afide to Robin. Rob. It fhall be done, Sir. Luc. 206 The PLATONICK LADY. Luc. I fay it ſhall not be done, Sir. Rob. Then we are all undone, Sir. [Afide. Luc. I hate Sweet-meats in a Morning, 'twill ſpoil my There's fomething more; I read Confufion Dinner in his Face. [Afide. Bel. But Mrs. Betty does, I'm ſure—Pray let him go. Luc. I tell you no Scout ſhall go before Rob. What fhall I do? Oh, Sir, why you forget Sir Charles, whom you refolv'd to prevent fighting the Duel. Luc. This is a new-born Lye--I'll humour it, but refolve to find it out. [Afide. Bel. True, but this Lady makes me forget all other friends. Luc. To preſerve Sir Charles is of greater conſequence than my Viſit, I'll defer that till fome other Time: you'll fee me to my Coach. Bel. The Rogue has brought me offTho' I hope Sir Charles is in no Danger. [Afide.] I wou'd not lofe the Pleaſure of your kind Intention: Let it be to-morrow, Madam. Luc. I'll think on't. Come- [Exit. Rob. So, here's a Guinea flap; for my Maſter always rewards my Politicks. [Exeunt. Enter Mr. Sharper. Shap. The Devil! Never Man was fo drawn into a Kicking certainly——————————Ah Hang Dog- Enter Equipage. Are you there? You are always out of the Way when you ſhou'd do a body any Service. Equi. Service, Sir? Sharp. Ay, Service, Sir; I was appointed to meet a pretty Lady in Hyde-Park, and being there before her Hour, comes me up a bluſtering Fellow, who pretending I had fent him a Challenge, drew upon me, fo I was oblig'd to fight him; and egad if I had not underſtood Fencing very well, I had been whipt thro' the Lungs, for he had a curfed long Reach--but I cloſed in with him, tripp'd up his Heels, took away his Sword, and gave him his Life. [Equi. The PLATONICK LADY. 207 -This was a Plot of my Equi. Oh the damn'd Lie- Contrivance, and I have ſeen him fairly kick'd. [Afide. Sharp. What's that you mutter? Equi. I was faying to myſelf, Sir, 'twas very unfortu- nate, for ten to one but you'd loft the Lady by it. Sharp. Egad and fo I did, for fhe fhriek'd out, and drove away like the Devil, when ſhe ſaw us engag’d. Equi. Where will his Lies end? [Afide.] She was very hard-hearted, Sir, not to ſend her Coachman to part ye. Sharp. And diſcover our Intrigue. Equi. True, I'd forgot that know I ftill follow in Hopes of my Wages. Well, Sir, you Sharp. I owe you none, Sirrah; han't I a Receipt to fhew- -however becauſe you are ſometimes an uſeful Raſcal you ſhall ſtay with me, and partake my good For- tune; I expect an Emiffary with News about the rich Widow I was telling you of. Equi. Shall I believe him or no?- -if there were any Hopes I'd ſtick cloſe. [Afide.] Nay, Sir, you know what an Affection I have for you. -but Sharp. Yes, you Dog, I know it full well- Conveniency fometimes make a Man of Honour pocket Affronts. Equi. What have I done, Sir? Sharp. Sirrah, you might have kept me out of the Cho- colate-Houſe when I was drunk laſt Night, and brought this Quarrel upon my Hands. Equi. Oh Sir! but as long as you conquer'd your Man Sharp. Peace, here comes Mrs. Brazen. Equi. A fit Companion by my Troth. Enter Mrs. Brazen. Mrs. Braz. Good-morrow noble Squire. Sharp. My Genius, my better Angel! well! how fares my buxom Widow, ha? Mrs. Braz. Fortune fmiles upon my Lad of Iron. I have been with her this Morning, and I have prais'd thee from Head to Foot-I have fet her a-gog I'll warrant thee Boy. Sharp. Did you touch upon my Courage ! Equi. 208 The PLATONICK LADY. Equi. His Courage! Ah, in what Latitude does that lie? [Afide. Mrs. Braz. Thy Valour, Boy! I ſaid thou wert a meer Hercules, Man, both in Love and War! I told her you had a large Eſtate, and you were of the ancient Family of the O'Sharpers in Ireland, dear Joy. Sharp. Pox, why in Ireland? Mrs. Braz. Oh! becauſe the Irishmen carry away all the Fortunes- -I faid you kept your own Coach too. Sharp. I hope you faid I left it in my own Country then Mrs. Braz. No, no, here Man-I can help thee to a Coach, Boy, from the Knight's, to my Lord Duke's: Why, 'tis my Bufinefs I tell thee; if there were occafion I can have half a dozen Footmen in Liveries too. Equi. Hark ye Miſtreſs-obſerve my Stature Humph- -A'n't I a handfome Fellow? [Setting himself out.] Help me to a Fortune now, and you fhall go halves. Mrs. Braz. Say you fo? I'll put you down in my Book; you are not the firft Servant I have rais'd to a Lady's Bed as 'tis well known in this Town. [Puts him down in her Book. Sharp. But when muſt I fee her, Mrs. Brazen? I am impatient. Mrs. Braz. See her?-but look ye Squire, you know the Conditions, when ſhall we ſign and ſeal ?- -for you'll grant I muſt live out of my honeſt Endeavours. I'm fure I take a great deal of Pains for my thouſand Pounds- up early and down late-then Mercy on me, how do I ftretch my Conſcience when I am ſetting out one of you young Rogues ! Sharp. But are you fure ſhe'll have me? Mrs. Braz. Sure? I can perfuade them to any thing let me come at 'em. Hark ye under the Rofe, 'tis a Receipt of mine has prevailed with all the old Women to marry of late- Sharp. Away! Let's to the Tavern, and over a Cup of mull'd Sack feal to thy Demands. Mrs. Braz. With all my Heart- Come, Sirrah, hold up your Head, you are in my Book you Rogue, and that's the high Road to Preferment, Sirrah. Equi. Along then. A hey for little Equipage. [Exeunt. SCENE The PLATONICK LA D Y. 209 SCENE changes to Belvil's Lodgings. Enter Ifabella and Toylet.. Toy. What think you now, Madam- cou'd any thing but a Miſtreſs make him guilty of fuch Ill-manners, to leave a Lady in Diſtreſs ſo long. Ifab. Moft certain- -my Patience is quite worn out I must go. Toy. Dear Madam, ſince we have eſcap'd hitherto un- diſcover'd, think of him no more. Ifab. Don't you trouble yourſelf about that, I ſhan't give him over thus -but do you get me a Chair. Toy. Yes, Madam. [Exit. Ifab. Let me examine myſelf a little. What have I undertaken here? A duce of too much Liberty— If my old Dad had been alive, I durſt not have gone a Rover-hunting thus. Do I value Reputation? Yes, as much as any body does- -that follows their Inclination Ay, but whither will that Inclination carry me? Why, not beyond the Rules of Honour; and then- -a Fig for the Cenfure of the World, I fay- Oh! here he comes. [Claps on her mask. Enter Belvil and Robin. Bel. Now, Madam, I am entirely yours, pray oblige me with your Commands. I hope you have not been di- fturb'd. Ifab. No Way but by my Grief, Sir- Bel. I long to fee her Face. [Afide.] you are here fecure; lay by Conſtraint- to unmask- Sparkling Eyes- Baniſh Grief, -and venture Lovely Hair [Afide. I fhall run mad. Ifab. I thought I had had your Promiſe not to aſk that. Bel. Promiſe, Madam! 'Sdeath, I, I, I, faith Ma- dam, I won't tell your Huſband, if I happen to know him. Ifab. Indeed—indeed, I ſhan't put it in your Power. Bel. Robin, run, call out Fire- Thieves, or the Devil- That ſhe may drop her Maſk in the Surprize. 14 VOL. II. [Afide to Rob. Rob. 210 The PLATONICK LADY. Rob. Yes Sir, yes Sir. Sir, here's Sir Charles coming up. [Goes and comes back. Ifab. Sir Charles! I am undone. [Afide.] For Hea- ven's fake, Sir, give me leave to retire; if I am feen, I am ruin'd. Bel. In, in quickly. Enter Sir Charles. [Runs in. Oh! Sir Charles, I have been in fome Apprehenfions for you, tho' you feem'd to diſguiſe the Matter; it was a Duel: Ha! Sir Cha. Something like it. Bel. I fee thy Sword has not fail'd thee. Sir Cha. No, nor my Shoes neither! I have us'd them pretty fairly fince I went out Bel. In walking? Sir Cha. No, in kicking- -'twas the very numerical Coward I told thee of at the Chocolate-Houfe- When I bid him draw, he ſwore he came to meet a Lady and was not prepar'd for fighting-deny'd the Challenge, and provok'd me to a warm Breathing. And this was the End of my Adventure. Bel. Ha, ha, ha! I'll be hang'd if 'twas not Mr. Sharper. Sir Cha. The very fame- a Gentleman told me fo as I came out of the Park. But prithee Belvil let me go into thy Dreſſing-Room, to put myſelf a little in Order after this Heat; Come, Robin, help me. Bel. Hold, hold, hold ! [Going in. [Stops him. Sir Cha. Why, what's the Matter? You han't a Wench there, have you? Bel. No, then I wou'd not ſtop you. But 'tis a Woman of Condition. 'tis Lucinda. Sir Cha. How my Blood chills Bel. The fame; ſhe had a mind to ſee my Pictures, I know not if ſhe is willing to be ſeen. Sir Cha. You are a happy Man Bel. Your Servant. Adieu. [Sir Charles going off meets Lucinda and Betty, they both ſtart. Luc. Sir Charles, I am glad to ſee you in Safety; Bel- vil left me abruptly—to prevent a Duel he ſaid you were The PLATONICK LADY. 2II were engag'd in after it. I refolv'd to follow and enquire Sir Cha. I am happy if I created the leaſt Concern in you, Madam. Hark ye, Belvil, doubtlefs you miſtook the Lady's Name within. [Afide to Belvil. Bel. Confufion! ſhe here? then I am caught. Luc. Well, Sir Charles, all Danger over, now for the Pictures. Bel. What the devil fhall I fay? [Afide.] Faith, Madam, you have ſurpriz'd me a little; Batchelors Lodg ings are ſeldom in Order- -pleaſe to take one Turn in the Garden, and they fhall be prepar'd for you. Dear Charles bring me off this once, and I'll tell thee all here- after. [Afide to Sir Charles. Sir Cha. Come, Madam, there's as many Curioſities in the Garden, as in the Gallery; let him fet his Things in Order, ha, ha! Luc. Make hafte then, for my Uncle will ſtay Dinner. Enter Toylet maſk'd, running to Lucinda. [Slyly. [Going. Toy. Madam, there's a Chair——I was ſtop'd Luc. Sweetheart, I want no Chair, my Coach is here. Toy. Oh wretched! What have I done now? [Amaz'd. Bel. Ah! the Devil wou'd not let me 'ſcape—thus- [Afide confounded. Luc. So, I apprehend the Diſorder of your Rooms now, Sir- Sir Cha. Ha! fure 'is Toylet's Voice then he with- in fhou'd be Iſabella- if I muft marry her my Honour is concern'd, and I ſhall have occafion for my Sword in earneſt―İ'll to her Houſe this Moment, ere I upbraid [Exit. him. Luc. Perfidious Man- to ufe fuch Artifices to me. Bel. I confefs it has a Face againſt me, but give me leave, and I will tell you the whole Story- Ifab. Say you fo, but I'll prevent that Enter Ifabella. [Ifabella peeping. Luc. No, Sir, you need not, herſelf will do it. Bel. 212 The PLATONICK LADY. Bel. Gad, with all my Heart—[Walking about in a Paſſion.] Let her tell the plain Truth- How came you here, Madam ? Ifab. How came I here, why was it not your own Ap- pointment? Are you falſe? Did you not come with Hafte and Rapture, and tell me what Excufes you had made to get an Hour the happieſt of your Life? Bel. 'Sdeath and Hell! What's the meaning of this? Did you not tell me, Madam Luc. Go, you are baſe, what Confufion you are in? Pray, Madam, what was your Buſineſs here? Ifab. My Buſineſs, Madam, the fame with yours I fup- pofe; if I had not lov'd him, I had not come hither; and if you had not been jealous you had not followed us My Chair waits-and ſo farewel, your Servant Luc. Diftraction! Affronted too-very well, Sir. [Exit. [Walking about. Bel. Upon my Faith, Madam, 'tis all a Trick- -they are two Devils; was ever Man thus abufed? Robin, run, force them back- -I'll unmaſk them before your Face, and make them confefs their damn'd Deſign [Paffionately. Rob. Yes, yes, I'll bring them back with a Vengeance; put their Shams upon Gentlemen! [Exit Robin. Bel. Madam, hear me but ſpeak- Luc. No! nor ever fee thee more-for now I am con- vinc'd there is not one of all thy curfed flattering Race- that is not perjur'd in his turn. Bel. By all the burning Paſſion in my Breaft, which I feel your Anger blow yet higher, theſe Women came- Luc. No matter why nor whence they came-fince I have ſeen them here-Our Converſation ends, approach ine not; for by all the torturing Pangs of jealous Love- for I do find it Love, had I a Dagger I'd fix it in thy Heart or mine, ſooner than think of being reconcil'd. [Exit. Bel. 'Tis in vain to follow her. So, I thought by my- felf, what our Platonicks wou'd come to. But who can this Woman be? She is either fet on, or elſe egad ſhe's another Platonick, that has taken a liking to my Perfon too. Enter Robin. Well Sirrah, where are they? what ſaid they? what were they? Rob. The PLATONICK LADY. 213 Rob. Devils, Sir, Devils! I believe they vaniſh'd for I cou'd not find them- Bel. Sirrah, you look as if you ly'd. Rob. Faith, and fo I do; I got a Tongue. Bel. Rafcal! tell me who they are. Guinea to hold my [Afide. [Takes him by the Shoulder. Rob. Upon my Faith, Sir, I don't know; but to confefs the Truth, Sir, the Maid pull'd her Maſk off, ſhe was very pretty- -and ſaid ſhe was in love with me; and her Lady was a great Fortune, and deſperately taken with you, Sir: So I thought 'twas pity to hurt them, Sir, and let them go- Bel. You did fo Villain, have they ſtole nothing? Find them out again you Dog, or I'll cut your Ears off--I will be juſtify'd- -in love with you, Vermin——I ſhall have a Surgeon's Bill to pay I fuppofe before next Cam- paign; theſe are common Jilts; Call me a Chair, I'll to Lucinda's and uſe her Uncle's Intereſt for my Peace- To be thus plagued for nothing, 'twou'd vex a Stoick- 'Sdeath, had it been a real Intrigue, there had been ſome Confolation in't. I find Lucinda's Rage gives me real Pain. Aſk him who most affects the Rover's Part, Careffing every Fair that will be kind, If fome one Woman reigns not in his Heart; And is the fovereign Mistress of his Mind. [Exit. ACT III. Enter Mrs. Dowdy, Mrs. Brazen the Match-maker, Mrs. Wheedle the Milliner, Mrs. Turnup the Mantua-maker, Mrs. Criſpit the Tire-Woman, and Peeper her Maid- They all feem talking to her. Mrs. Dowdy. We'l, we'l la you now, la you now; Shour and Shour you'll Gally me. Turnup. Here's your Ladyſhip's Mantua and Petticoat. Mrs. Dowdy. Ladyſhip, why what a main difference is here between this Town and the Country- -I was never call'd above Forfooth in all my Life- Mercy on me, why 214 The PLATONICK LADY. why you ha ſpoil'd my Petticoat mun ! has cut it in a thouſand Bits. zee Peeper, ſhe Peep. Oh, that's the Faſhion, theſe are Furbelows Ma- dam- 'tis the prettiest made Coat Mrs. Dowdy. Furbelows, a murrain take 'em, they ſpoil all the Zilk-good ſtrange, fhour London Women do nothing but ſtudy Vaſhions, they never mind their Dairy I warrant 'em. Turnup. Ladies have other Employment for their Brain- -and our Art lies in hiding the defects of Na- ture Furbelows upwards, were deviſed for thoſe that have no Hips, and two large ones, brought up the full- bottom'd Furbelows. Millin. And a long Neck and a hollow Breaſt, firſt made uſe of the Stinkirk And here's a delicate one for your Ladyſhip—I have a Book in my Pocket juſt come from France, intituled, The Elements of the Toylet- Mrs. Dowdy. Elements, mercy on me! what do they get up into the Sky now? Peep. A learned Author to be fure--let me fee that, Mrs. Wheedle. Millin. Here, Mrs. Peeper, 'tis the fecond Volume; the firſt only fhews an Alphabetical Index of the moſt no- table Pieces which enter into the Compoſition of a Com- mode. Mrs. Dowdy. Well, I fhall ne'er mind theſe hard Names; Oh Sirs, Peeper, what fwinging Cathedral Hedgeer is this? Peep. Oh, modifh French Night-cloaths; Madam, what's here--all Sorts of Dreffes painted to the Life— Ha, ha, ha! Head-cloaths to fhorten the Face- Face-Fa- vourites to raiſe the Forehead——to heighten flat Cheeks flying Cornets-four Pinners to help narrow Foreheads and long Noſes, and very forward, to make the Eyes look languiſhing. Mrs. Dowdy. Ay, that Peeper, double it down; Oh, I love languiſhing. [Puts on an aukward Languiſh. Peep. Take it and read it at your Leiſure, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. I fhall never ha done fhour zeeing all my vine things. [Tumbling her things over.] Hy day, what's theſe two Pieces of Band-Box for? Turnup. The PLATONICK LADY. 215 Turnup. 'Tis Paſteboard, Madam, for your Ladyſhip's Rump. Mrs. Dowdy. A Rump, ho, ho, ho! has Couſin, Iſbel a Rump, Peeper? Peep. Certainly, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. If Couſin has one, as I hope to be kiff'd -I'll have it, Mrs. Turnup. Crifpit. Will your Ladyſhip fit down and let me ſhape your Eye-brows? [She nips her Eye-brows, The flies up and roars out. Mrs. Dowdy. Ods Fleſh, the Devil's in you, I think, what will you tear all the Hair off, a murrain take ye, an this be your ſhaping. Millin. Be pleaſed to put on the Addition, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. What does ſhe mean now? To pull my Skin off mehap next; ha, Peeper, are theſe your London Vaſhions? Peeper. No, no, Addition is only Paint, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. Paint, Miſtreſs, od I've a good mind to hit you a dows o'th' Chops, zo I have, what de ye take me for a Whore, becauſe I'm come to London, ha? Paint quotha. Peep. Fie, fie, Madam, Women of the firſt Rank think it no Crime to help Nature in the Complexion. Mrs. Dowdy. Zay you fo? Nay, my Skin was ever counted none of the beft-well we'll zhut the Door then. Millin. There you are in the wrong again, Madam ; our Ladies make no ſcruple of letting all the World fee 'em lay it on- Mrs. Dowdy. Well, in my Confcience and Zoul, they care not what they zhow here Peep. Madam, your Dancing-Maſter. Mrs. Dowdy. O lack, get all you into the next Room, and ftay for me there. Mrs. Braz. Madam, you promis'd to hear a Word from me about Sir John Sharper- Mrs. Dowdy. Zo I will by and by. [Exit. Mrs. Brazen. Enter Caper the Dancing-Mafter. Caper. Will your Ladyfhip pleaſe to take a Dance? Mrs. Dowdy. Pfhaw, I hate your One, Two, Three, teach me a London Dance mun. Caper. 216 The PLATONICK LADY. Caper. I'll lead you a Courant, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. Ay, a Rant, with all my Heart, I dan't underſtand the Names, let en be a Dance, and 'tis well enough. [He leads her about.] Hy, hy, do you call this Dancing? ads heartlikins, in my Thoughts 'tis plain Walking; I'll fhew you one of our Country Dances; play me a Jig. [Dances an aukward Fig. Caper. Oh dear, Madam, you'll quite ſpoil your Steps. Mrs. Dowdy. Dan't tell me that I was counted one of the beſt Dancers in all our Pariſh, zo I was. Peep. Ay, round a May-pole- -There are Fellows now in this Town fo wretched, that to purchaſe this Woman's Wealth, wou'd to her Face fwear fhe's an Angel. [Exit. Turnup. True; but if they had her once, would uſe her like the Devil- [This while the Dancing-Mafter is Setting her Arms and Breaſt. Enter Peeper. Peep. Madam, your Singing-Maſter.[Exit Dancing-Maß. Mrs. Dowdy. O la, I can dance no more now. Enter Singing-Mafter, [Preparing his Papers.] Singing-Maft. Are you ready, Madam? Mrs. Dowdy. Ay, ay, mun. Singing-Maft. Fa, la, mi, fol. Mrs. Dowdy. Louk you Friend, I can't fpeak Out- landiſh, but I intend to learn; I'm to have a Maſter come. Singing-Maft. This is not Out-landiſh, Madam, 'tis only the Notes to try your Voice. Mrs. Dowdy. Nay, nay, and that be all, I'll zing you a Zong de ye fee, and fhow you my Voice fhour. SONG. [Sings a Country Song. S I walk'd forth one May Morning, I heard a pretty Maid fweetly ſing As fhe fat under the Cow a milking, Sing I ſhall be marry'd a Tuesday; I mun look fmug upon Tuesday. I prithee Sweet-heart what makes thee to marry, Is your Maiden-head grown a Burthen to carry? Or are you afraid that you will miſcarry? I prithee now tarry till Wednesday. I pray The PLATONICK LADY. 217 I pray good Sir, don't wish me fuch ill, I have kept it thefe feven Years against my own Will; I have made a Vow, and I will it fulfill, That I will be married on Tuesday, So I mun look ſmug upon Tueſday. A Tueſday Morn it will be all my Care To powder my Locks and to curl up my Hair, And two pretty Maids for to wait on me there; So I mun look fmug upon Tueſday, So fine and fo fmug upon Tueſday. Then two young Men to the Church will me bring, Where my Hufband will give me a gay Gold Ring, But at Night he will give me a far better thing. So I mun look fmug on Tueſday, So fine and ſo ſmug on Tueſday. Peep. Madam, you'll not be dreft in your new Cloaths by that Time Captain Belvil comes. Mrs. Dowdy. Ods Fleſh well thought on, I can learn no more this Morning. [Exit Singing-Mafter.] But Peeper, when did he zay he'd come ? Peep. In two Hours, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. Well, I fhall charm him zure- -odfo, but where's Coufin Bell to-day; you muſt vetch her mun to zee my vine Things, ſhe'll tell me an they be vite or not Peep. Bleſs me, Madam, fhe's gone away to the Bath, in my Lady Flounce's Coach this Morning. Mrs. Dowdy. How! gone a hundred Miles and ne'er bid one good-bye. Peep. Oh dear, Madam, London Ladies ne'er ftand upon Ceremony- -Why, Sir Charles Richley that is to marry her, knew nothing of it— -he was here juſt now to enquire for her, and was extremely furpriz'd. Mrs. Dowdy. Ad ſhe'll make a rare Wife I'll warrant her-and ſhe has ſuch Frolicks- -Well, but you ſay the Captain will come; but an he don't come foon, Mrs. Brazen will bring me a Squire, or a Knight, I tell you that. Peep. Oh Madam, Belvil is the ſweeteſt, nobleſt Gen- tleman; beſides, we ſhould encourage thoſe that defend us. Mrs. Dowdy. Nay, for that Matter I dan't mind, I like a Zouldier, K 218 The PLATONICK LADY. Zouldier, but not for that Reaſon, de ye zee, there's Con- veniency in't, for now I have learn'd to be a Gentlewoman, I'll do as the Gentle Volk do, I'll not have another Huſband dangling at my Tail, like our Roger, that I could ne'er ſpend a Shilling at a Wake or a Goffiping, but I muſt be call'd to an Account for't; but methinks he hangs off mainly. Peep. Shall I tell you, he is reckon'd the handſomeſt Man in Town, all the Ladies are in Love with him; if you don't mind your Hits, you'll loſe him. The only Way for a Widow to fecure a young Gentleman, is to let him into her Eftate; now, Madam, did he once fee the Writings I have ſeen, I'd engage him yours. Mrs. Dowdy. But I dan't know if it be ſafe or no, for I remember Roger wou'd never let me zee 'em in all his Life, but now he's dead-why what care I who zee'n; I'll carry him to my Trunk and fhew him all- Peep. Oh Madam, do it decently, I'll fetch out your Trunk, and you fhall pretend to be looking over fome Mortgage, and aſk his Advice in't. Mrs. Dowdy. Ay, ay, Wench, that will do, vetch 'em— [Exit Peeper.] Well, I long till I am dizned, zo I do— come, come. Re-enter Peeper wih the Trunk. Zetten down, and let me put on my vine Rigging, Wench, Hark! zomebody knocks Peep. Odfo Mr. Belvil's here--he's come fooner than he promis'd, which fhews the greater Paſſion. Mrs. Dowdy. A murrain take thefe People, they ſtaid chattering fo long, or I might have been drefs'd now; hold away. [Runs to the Trunk and takes up the Papers. Enter Belvil. Peep. I have kept my Word, Sir, there are the Papers diſplay'd. [Afide to Belvil. Bel. Honeft Peeper— now to keep my Word with this old Gentleman, who has once more reconcil'd me to his Neice-Ha! Widow, how doft thou do Widow? Mrs. Dowdy. Do you underſtand Law, Captain? Bel. No Faith, the Sword's my Profeffion, yet there are fome Cafes I underſtand; pray what is yours, Widow? Mrs. Dowdy. The PLATONICK LADY. LADY. 219 Mrs. Dowdy. Louk ye, I can't read theſe Lawyers crampt Hand de zee, and I'd pray you look 'em over a little, they may be your own another Day. Bel. A long Day firſt, if thou art an Incumbent upon it with all my Heart; this induftrious Wench has wrought her to my Purpoſe. [Afide.] [Sits down.] Let me fee. [Reads.] An Account of the Eſtate of um, um- Mrs. Dowdy. Did not I do it right now? Peep. Oh, excellent, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. Ay, ay, let me alone for Trivance, and fiche- Bel. A Deed of Truft for James Beaumont Efquire, Ha, the very Writing Sir Thomas mention'd- -this muft along with me- [Puts it up.] Why, you are a Fortune for a Lord, Widow. Mrs. Dowdy. Nay, nay, dan't joak- I have fome- thing to truſt to you zee, Captain; you ſhall have warm Winter Quarters, Captain; Ho, ho- Bel. Well faid, Widow, I'll kiss thee for that I'faith. Mrs. Dowdy. Pfhaw, zee now how you all white a body, but your Breath is zo zweet Bel. I wish I cou'd ſay the fame by yours. [Afide. Mrs. Dowdy. Od in my Mind a ſmells like a Nofegay- pray, Captain, let me ſmell it again. Bel. With all my Heart. [Kifles her again. Mrs. Dowdy. I like him mainly; wou'd it was over once, that I might have'n all to myſelf. [Afide. Bel. Oh, the monſter grows fo loving, that if Fobin comes not to my Refcue, as I order'd him, I fhall be fmo- ther'd. Mrs. Dowdy. Zhour, and zhour, you have bewitch'd me, Captain; I'm all in a trembling Fit, and my Fleſh glows like an Oven, zo it does. Peep. Oh, her Condition is eaſily to be gueſs'd; I have been in fuch a Twitter myſelf before now. Enter Robin hastily. Rob. Sir, Sir! the General ſtays in his Coach to ſpeak with you. Bel. My dear Widow I muft beg your Pardon at this Time. K 2 Mrs. Dowdy. 220 The PLATONICK LADY. Mrs. Dowdy. But when will you come again, Captain? they zay 'tis very unlucky to be long a wooing. [Afide. Bel. I'll ſpeak to the Man in black this Evening Widow, and then- Mrs. Dowdy. Ay, ay, I know what's to be done then as well as e'er a Londoner of 'em all. [Afide. Bel. to Peeper.] Hark ye, I don't think her rich enough, manage your Affairs with Sir John Sharper, do you hear! But there's thy Fee- [Exit. Mrs. Dowdy. Well, I fhall carry a handzomer Man into Zomerſetſhire than the High-Sheriff of the County: Come, Peeper, come in and let me dreſs, for zhour if I had had all this vine Gear on, a would ha married me now- Peep. As much as ever- SCENE the outside of Lucinda's Houſe. [Exit. [Exit. Enter Ifabella dress'd like a Country-maid with Toylet. Toy. A tight Country Lafs, hang me, Madam, if I ſhou'd know you. Ifab. I wou'd not have you, I ought to be diſguis'd for my Purpoſe. Toy. But, Madam, do you think Lucinda does not know her Tenant's Daughter that is coming up to London, which you are to perſonate? Ifab. No, no, ſhe never faw her; her Taylor has in- form'd me of every Circumſtance; him I have brib'd to my Intereft; here he comes, get you gone, you have Belvil's Key, be ready for all my Orders; act as I di- rected, and preſerve your Acquaintance with Robin. Toy. Fear me not- [Exit. Ifab. Well, Mr. Shread, do you think you can manage this Affair? Shread. Manage it, Madam! What is it I can't do for this Purfe! Why, Madam, I can work Miracles! I can ſteal as much out of a Pair of Breeches as will make a Coat; and for telling a Lye with an honeſt Face, let little Shread alone. Iſab. I have been ſo much with my Couſin Dowdy fince ſhe came to Town, I warrant I hit the Country Dialect- Come, knock at the Door. [He knocks. Enter The PLATONICK LADY. 221 Enter Footman. Shread. Sir, pray let your Lady know here's a young Country-maid, Farmer Rentland's Daughter, come to wait on her. Foot. Come in and I'll acquaint my Lady-[Exeunt. Re-enter Ifabella and Shread as into the Houfe. Ifab. She's coming, and Belvil's here, I fee his Foot- man: now if I'm but receiv'd I fhall be a Spy upon their Actions, watch all their Turns, and break their Meaſures. Enter Lucinda. Luc. How de do Mr. Shread- is this the Daughter of Farmer Rentland, that he writ to me about? Ifab. Yes, and pleaſe you forfooth, Madam, and I have another Letter from Vather in my Pouch- [Looking for a Letter. Shread. Madam, the Girl is a little clownish, her Father's my Coufin, he writ to me to meet her at the Car- rier's and bring her to your Ladyſhip. Luc. Very well, your Father's an honeft Man, he defires me to let you be in my Houſe till he comes up to Town in order to put you to the Change—you are wel- come-ſhe is very pretty. Sweet-heart don't you wonder at this fine City? Ifab. I kno'nt how vine 'tis yet, for one can zee nought for Crowd; I fuppofe 'tis Vair Time, there's zuch- thruſting and ſqueezing. Shread. She appears rough to your Ladyfhip, but the Girl has good-natural Parts, and apt to learn- Luc. I like her Plainneſs, leave her with me, I'll take great Care of her. Shread. Yes, Madam; good-bye Couſin. Kab. Good-bye-you'll bring my Bundle and my Box- before you wait without for my farther Orders Shread. I will- your Servant. Madam. Luc. What's your Name, fair Madam. Ifab. Dorothy, and pleaſe you. [Afide. [Exit. Luc. And do you think you ſhall be contented to ſtay with me till your Father comes to Town, Mrs. Dorothy! Ifab. Contented forſooth! od zhour, and zhour, I ne'er K 3 faw 222 The PLATONICK LADY. faw nought zo handfome in all the Days of my Breath. Zhour I cou'd look at you all Day. · Luc. Does the Country teach Flattery too? Enter Belvil. Bel. Madam, where are you? we ſhall be too late for the Show. Ifab. Zhow! Oh dear forfooth take me with you to zee the Zhow- How my Heart beats! [Afide. Bel. What pretty_Country Girl is this? Luc. One of my Tenant's Daughters; we'll take her with us to your Lodgings. Ifab. To his Ladgings, mum -now a Diſpatch to Toylet. I'll fit you there. [Afide. Bel. With all my heart, there's Innocence and Beauty in her Face; if you pleaſe to get ready, Madam, I have only two Words to diſpatch with your Uncle, and I'll at- tend you. Luc. Here he comes, Sir--we'll leave you; Come. Mrs. Dorothy. Ifab. Yes, forſooth Thus conceal'd, if none my Plot difcover, This Country Girl may cheat you of your Lover. [Exit. Enter Sir Thomas. Bel. Ha, Sir Thomas, what wou'd you reward the Man with, that ſhou'd bring you the Writings you defir'd? ha, Friend? Sir Tho. Say'ft thou, my Boy! I wou'd give him, let me fee, what wou'd I give him- I wou'd give him as much as I have given to the Lawyers to no Purpoſe, which is full fifteen hundred Pounds. But haft thou got 'em my Hero? Bel. Fifteen hundred Pounds, piſh; will you give me your Niece? Sir Tho. Fie, fie, fie, a Wife! Why the Devil ſhould a young Fellow's Head run of Marriage? Bel. Becauſe a young fellow is very much in Love. Sir Tho. Why, love her, Boy, I wou'd have thee love her, but prithee talk no more of Marriage--but let me fee the Writings. Bel. Love! Why, what does he mean?--he wou'd not The PLATONICK LADY. 223 not have me lie with her fure-See 'em! why here they are- -but I muſt know what Right you have to theſe Papers, Sir Thomas, ere I part with them, for I wou'd not be guilty of a baſe Action; befides, the Widow and the whole Eſtate is at my Service- -I can marry her. Sir Tho. I had rather ſee thee hang'd—I'll give you my Honour that nothing ſhall redound to your Difgrace in this Affair. Surely you may take my Word, young Man. Bel. It never ſhall be ſcrupled by me; there, take 'em. Sir Tho. Moft joyfully: Ay, theſe are they, let me em- brace thee, my Boy, for this good Service- But hark ye, don't you marry that ill-manner'd Jug, the Relict of a cheating old Rogue, that has not left a Foot of Eſtate but what he deferv'd to be hang'd for. Bel. In my Confcience, this old Fellow wou'd have me marry nobody; what a Devil does he pretend to? Egad, I wish he does not lay Claim to me for his Son at laſt. Enter Sir Charles. Ha! Sir Charles, what fay'ft thou, wou'd not Matrimo- ny agree with thee, if thou lik'd the Woman? Sir Cha. Or with any Man certainly. Sir Tho. Why don't you marry then, Sir Charles? Sir Cha. Becauſe I can't get the Woman I like, Sir Thomas, and ſhe that I'm deftin'd for, neither likes me, nor I her; and to fhew the true Nature of a Wife before ſhe wears the Title, ſhe's gone to the Bath this Morning without taking Leave. Sir Tho. Nay, if ſhe has ſuch an early Inclination to the Bath, thank thy Stars thou art not marry'd Boy, for the Bath is a pregnant Place; I know a Virgin that went there to be cur'd of the Green-fickneſs, and came back with a Tympany, ha, ha, ha ! Bel. Why, hark ye, Sir Charles, how will you keep your Word then? no Pretenfions to Lucinda, fince you can't produce your Miſtreſs. Sir Tho. How's that? how's that? haft thou a mind to my Niece, Knight? ſhe's a witty Baggage, I tell you that, and a weighty one too, twenty thouſand Pounds befides my Bleffing; court her, win her, and wear her. Bel. The Devil, what, becauſe he has a Title? Sir Tho. And a good Eſtate, Belvil, put in that. K 4 Bel. 224 The PLATONICK LADY. Bel. Sink the Eſtate, the Brave deſpiſe it. Sir Tho. Yet the Bold fight for❜t. Bel. No, 'tis for Honour we hazard Life, and Eaſe, to preſerve ungrateful Men like you; in what does he merit Lucinda more than I- her while I wear this. -nor fhall he dare to think of [Lays his Hand on his Sword. Sir Cha. How, not dare! fuch Language, Sir, I ſhall not take, tho' from a Friend. Bel. Nor a Friend ſhan't take a Miſtreſs from me, Sir. Sir Tho. Mettled Lads i'faith-A Miſtreſs, Sir ! pray what Hopes have you had relating to that Affair? Bel. Hopes, Sir, did you not give me leave to love her? Sir Tho. But as I take it, that was not leave to marry her. Bel. Did you not take Pains to reconcile us to-day? Sir Tho. True, becauſe I thought her in the Wrong. Bel. And have you not promis'd ſhe ſhall come to my Lodging to ſee the Ambaſſador go by? Do you make any Scruple of letting her be ſeen in my Company? Sir Tho. No, for I don't think thee ſcandalous, and ſhe ſhall come to thy Lodgings, and I'll come with her; yet this is nothing to the Purpoſe- -Thou art a pretty Fellow faith- -but a little too impudent to expect twenty thouſand Pounds, with nothing but a red Coat and a Commiffion. Bel. Is this your Probity? I ſhall begin to ſuſpect every thing; I find why you extorted the Promiſe from me, ne- ver to marry her without your Confent. Sir Tho. You ſhall have no Cauſe to blame me: I am, and will be thy Friend- Sir Charles, you are out of Humour, never mind the young Warrior; by Mars the God of War, thou haft my Confent; addrefs her, Man. Bel. So has all the Creation, I think- -What a Pox does this old Fellow aim at ! Sir Cha. I am not to be deter'd by his Threats; but 'tis Lucinda muft decide this. Bel. No, even if ſhe confent, you ſhall diſpute the Prize with me. Sir Cha. Let it come to that, ye Fates, and fee how gladly I wou'd meet thee. Bel. If you are ſo hot, let us diſpatch it now. [Lays his Hand to his Sword. Sir Cha. 1 The PLATONICK LADY. 225 Sir Cha. With all my Heart- Sir Tho. Hold, hold, I'll have no Fighting this Day, to-morrow as you pleaſe. Bel. Well then, to-day we have done. Sir Cha. I am always to be found; Farewel- -[Exit. Sir Tho. Come, put off your ill Humour, and let's go ſee the Show, Boy- Bel. Egad, this is a ſtrange unaccounable old Gentle- [Exeunt. man. ACT IV. Enter Mrs. Dowdy dreft extravagantly in French Night- Cloaths and Furbelows, with Peeper. Mrs. Dowdy. L A yee now, la yee now, ftand away from the Glaſs, will you, loke, loke, I ſhall ne'er adone ftaring at my zelf, I'm zhour I'm viner than any of our Volk in Taunton; good Sirs, if old Ro- ger Dowdy, were alive, and feen me thiſen, he wou'd zwear I was going to fly away. Peep. Ah, Madam, he understood no better- -I think you look as well as any Lady at Court. Mrs. Dowdy. Nea, nea, I always thought I ſhould look like other Volk an I was clad as vinely, and zo I us'd to tell Roger; well, and do I zeem zo vitty, Peeper, don't thik Band-box thruſt out ones Tail rarely? Od one one might carry a Grift to Mill on't, as well as on a Pack- jadde; ho, ho, ho! Peep. You are exact from Head to Foot. Mrs. Dowdy. Ay, an't I mun, zee my Shoes; [Pulls up her Coat a little.] But theſe zilken Hoſe are woundy cold; han't I got too many Beauty-ſpots on ; in my Mind now my Vace louks juft like a Plumb-cake var all the World- -Zhour I fhall ne'er like thik Head-gear, one muſt always louk vore-right, vor the Duce a bit one can zee of either Zide- -Faugh, I hate this red Stuff upon my Lips, I can't vorbear licking 'em, and it may be Poiſon for ought I know. Enter Mrs. Brazen. Mrs. Braz. Good-morrow to your Ladyfhip; bleſs me, fure I'm miſtaken, 'tis not the fame ! 15 VOL. II. K 5 Mrs. Dowdy. 226 The PLATONICK LADY. Mr. Dowdy. The very zame Mrs. Brazen; but am I zo chang'd indeed now? Mrs. Braz. Chang'd! why you are a Cherubim. Mrs. Dowdy. 'Parel Sheaps you know. Mrs. Braz. Why you'll kill Sir John at firſt Sight, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. Oh dear, I hope not. Mrs. Braz. He waits without, poor Gentleman, but little knows the Danger he is in -Shall I admit him, Madam? Mrs. Dowdy. Why really now, Mrs. Brazen, I am zorry the Perſon of Quality fhou'd loſe his Labour, but I can't help it—He ſhou'd ha com'd zooner, de yee zee, for I'm engag'd. Mrs. Braz. How, Madam, you han't ferv'd me fo I hope!-Make a Fool of a Gentleman of his Fortune, that keeps his Coach, and four Footmen, beſides a Valet- de-Chambre, it's a Shame- He cou'd have made you a Lady, Modam- Mrs. Dowdy. His own Coach, and a Lady, zay yee; nay, nay, don't be in a Paffion -Od I fhou'd like a Coach, and Ladyſhip hugely—Shall I zee him, Peeper? Peep. By all means fee him, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. Ay, but won't the Captain think me valſe hearted then? Peep. Falſe hearted, Madam! Why Ladies here are diſtinguiſh'd by the number of their humble Servants Mrs. Braz. And ſcarce know two Hours before they marry which to chufe- -There was my Lady Waver had three Gentlemen fancied her Wedding-cloaths, and then threw Dies which of the three fhou'd have her Mrs. Dowdy. Ha, ha, ha! by the Maſs that's very pretty; why let him come then-But do you really think the Captain won't break his Heart? Peep. Oh, no, no, you need not fear that, perhaps he has two or three Miftreffes. Mrs. Braz. My dear Lady, I'll fetch him this Minute- [Exit. Mrs. Dowdy. Zay you zo? nay an it be the Vaſhion, I'm refolv'd to have as many Zweet-hearts as I can get— Here, put up my Ban-Box, zet my voretop. and bruſh my Gown and make me vity Peep. The PLATONICK LADY. 227 LADY. Peep. So, ſo, you are exact now, Madam. Enter Mrs. Brazen, and Sharper. Mr. Braz. There's the Lady, Sir John. Sharp. You need not tell me whioh is fhe, fuch Beauty is remarkable, her Eyes caft a Luftre, bright as the Me- ridian Sun, which dazzles all Beholders. Mrs. Dowdy. Mercy on me, what high Speaking is this? Zo I ſuppoſe they talk at Court- -Oh dear Sir, you Gentlemen are zo vull of your Jears, that we Coun- try Volk don't know what to zay to you. Sharp. What a Shape is there! Mrs. Dowdy. That's my Ban-Box- Sharp. What a Complexion ! Mrs. Dowdy. That's my Paint- Complexion was but zo zo. Sharp. What Ruby Lips! [Afide. Vor they zay my [Afide Mrs. Dowdy. I'm glad to hear that--I was afraid I had licked it all off. Peep. I fwear he is a well bred Gentleman. Mrs. Braz. A Courtier every Inch of him. [Afide. Sharp. Oh Mrs. Brazen, if you have brought me to the Sight of all theſe Charms, and fhe fhou'd prove inex- orable. Mrs. Braz. Goodness forbid. Sharp. Oh I'm a dead Man, Mrs. Brazen Compaſſion, Madam, for a poor dying Lover- No Mrs. Braz. Speak Comfort to him, Madam, he is juſt ready to fwoon. Mrs. Dowdy. Why, what can I zay, Mrs. Brazen ?— Will the Gentleman drink a little Cherry-Brandy ? Mrs. Braz. Brandy, Madam, ads heart, is that a Cor- dial for a dying Lover- Mrs Dowdy. Why 'tis my Cordial when I'm not well, Mrs. Brazen. Mrs. Braz. A Word, a Look, a Smile revives him. Mrs. Dowdy. Good Sirs, is it poffible you can be zo zmitten, Sir? Sharp. It is the firſt Wound I e'er received, tho' I have given thouſands, and met my Enemies in Clouds of Smoak, and Sheets of Fire, and with this good Sword have made my Way. Mrs. Dowdy. 228 The PLATONICK LADY. Mrs. Dowdy. Ah dan't draw it good Sir- brave Souldier I warrant him. He is a Peep. I proteft, Madam, I begin to pity him--You can never let ſuch a great Man die. Mrs. Dowdy. Ay but then the Captain will die, what fhall I do? Mrs. Braz. Do, Madam? let's go into your Cloſet, and taste fome of your Cherry-Brandy; oh dear, oh dear -I am very faint, take her by the Hand, Sir John. Mrs. Dowdy. Indeed I can't, for to tell you the Truth, I am promis'd- Sharp. Promis'd! I'll hunt the World but I will find my Rival out, rip up his Breaſt, and upon my Sword's Point send you the Heart you doat on. Mrs. Dowdy Oh hold you, hold you, good Sir John- What zhall I do to prevent Murder? Mrs. Braz. Give him your Hand, and take him into your Cloſet, I Say, there we'll appeaſe him I warrant you. Mrs. Dowdy. Well, well, come into the Closet then? mercy on me, I was never zo lov'd before zhour. [Exit. Mrs. Braz. Now for my thousand Pounds [Exit. Peep. Pretty well for the firſt Time; now to try how generous he'll be to me If you don't disburse, Sir John, for all your go-between, I'll fooner match my Miſtreſs to your Valet, I promiſe you that. [Exit. SCENE Belvil's Lodgings. Enter Belvil, Sir Thomas, Lucinda, Ifabella and Robin. Sir Tho. Well, and what haft thou got to treat us, Boy? ha! Bel. You fhall have what you will, Sir Thomas, this Lady fhhall name. Luc. Uncle, you retain the old Country Cuftom, all for eating and drinking; I am for the Show. Sir Tho. But what fays my little Somerſetſhire Lafs, I warrant a Cheeſecake wou'd go down with you now. Ifab. No I thank you, Zir, my Belly's full evads, my thinks this is a huge vine Houſe. Sir Tho. And in troth thou art huge pretty; are all the Farmers Daughters in Somefetfhire thus handsome? Ifab. Yes indeed, and handſomer too. Sir Tho. The PLATONICK LADY. 229 Sir Tho. Niece, I'll gather your Rents next Year in that Country myſelf- I will. Luc. So, Mrs. Dorothy, I think you have made a Con- queft here. Ifab. I don't know what you mean. Madam. Šir Tho. I'faith this is a pretty Rogue. Luc. But this Room does not look upon the Pall-Mall. Bel. No, Madam, but the next does; open the Door, Robin. Rob. [Afide to him.] I never faw the Key fince the ftrange Women were here. Luc. What, whiſpering again! Bel. You careleſs Raſcal, here, take my Key. Rob. The Devil, the Devil- [Robin goes to open the Door, flies back, and cries out Enter Toylet richly dreft, and maſk'd. Toy. Inhuman Monſter, muſt I be expos'd- Luc. Expos'd! 'tis I am expos'd; Confuſion, another Woman. Sir Tho. How, how's this, Belvil? let your Miſtreſs out this Morning? ha! What, forgot to Bel. My Miſtreſs! s'death, Hell and Furies- Luc. Do not counterfeit Surprize; this is a palpable Abuſe. Sir Tho. Why truly Niece it does appear a ſort of an Abuſe as a Man may ſay; but let's hear what Defence he can make- Bel. Defence ! I hope it needs none; what End cou'd I have in this ?—I'm fure it looks more like a Trick upon me. Luc. What mean you, Sir, do you ſuſpect I'd give my- felf the Trouble to put a Trick upon you--Oh auda- cious! Sir Tho. Hold, hold, no hard Words before we know for what! Ifab. [Going up to Toylet.] Get you off, get you off. Rob. Nay, nay, egad I'll fee whether you be Fleſh or Blood, Spirit, or the Devil. [Stops her. Toy. Ah, if this Fool perfifts we are diſcover'd—— I muſt ſhew him my Face-You know not what you do, 'tis I. Rob. 230 The PLATONICK LADY. Rob. I and how came I hither? Toy. I long'd to fee you, and that I might charm you the more, I dreſt myſelf in my Miſtreſs's Cloaths, and came in hopes to meet you alone; being caught, I was forc'd to ſay any thing; let me go, or we ſhall never meet again. Rob. Get you gone, if my Maſter finds it out, my Bones will pay for it. [Exit Toylet. Luc. Abfurdity! It has indeed a Face of Truth to have People haunt your Lodgings that you know nothing of. Ifab. Nay, now I zee 'tis true what we Country Volk zay, that the London Men are all as valſe as the Devil. Bel. What, gone again--Rafcal, which Way went ſhe? Why did not you ſtop the Fiend, for 'twas a Fiend I am fure. Rob. If you think fo, Sir, why ſhould you be angry? For who cou'd ftop the Devil? Bel. I'll make you fetch the Devil, Sirrah, if ſhe be gone. [Looking about. Rob. I'll try, Sir. [Going. Ifab. Nay, nay, that's ſending the Devil after his Dam, as we zay in Zomeſetſhire; my poor Judgment tells me, he's no vit Perfon to zend after her zhour. Luc. Right, his Man doubtleſs is in the Secret- this Innocent can find out your Deceit. Bel. Deceit! Stay here, Dog. Rob. With all my Heart. -Even Bel. Madam, fend who you pleaſe- sdeath! [Stamps, and seems to persuade Luc. Ifab. Let me go forfooth, I'm zhour I know her Gown agen-I minded her when ſhe fliv'd off. Sir Tho. Ay, ay, let little Rofy Cheek go—Why what a Buſtle there is about Gipſy- -But thoul't not find the Way back my Girl. Ifab. Oh never vear me, I've an Engliſh Tongue in my Head- I've vound the Way over Heaths, Copfes, and Commons you'd be maz'd in. [Exit. Luc. Your Words are vain, back to the Nations you have been bred in, where Women are fo coming to your Wiſhes, there needs no Truth nor Conftancy. Bel. Truth-I think Truth's my Foe, for I never made fo much Ufe of her to fo little Purpoſe in my Life. I believe The PLATONICK LADY. 231 believe you wiſh'd a Quarrel, and wanted only Opportu- tunity, elſe what I have faid wou'd have convinc'd you. Luc. Believe ſo ſtill, and ſee my Face no more. [Exit. Sir Tho. Why, Niece, Niece, won't you stay for little Somerſetſhire She's gone—————— Look ye now, did not I tell you Matrimony wou'd not agree with you, yet you wou'd marry I warrant Take my Word for't, you are not made for one another. Bel. I wiſh we had never ſeen one another. [Walking about difordered. Enter Ifabella. Ifab. I ha vound her ifaith. Bel. Ha, and who is ſhe? Ifab. A very vine Lady I aſſure you that, but where's Miſtreſs? var I fhan't tell you what zhe zaid to me. Sir Tho. Oh ſhe's gone ſtark mad, Child-Prithee tell us reaſonable Folks- Bel. Said! why didſt thou ſpeak to her? Ifab. Yes marry did I, and fhe got into a huge vine Coach, zo zhe did, and call'd me into her, and pull'd off her Vizard, and zhow'd me the vineſt Vace that ever I zaw; zhour and zhour, 'twas as bright as the Zun, ſhe zaid ſhe was in Love with you to diſtraction, mun, and vow'd ſhe wou'd have you whatzomever it coſt her. Rob. What a confounded Lye has this Country Toad told? And egad I dare not contradict her. [Afide. Sir The. Why, hark ye, Belvil, don't your Chops water at the Story, ha? My Hero! adod thou wert wrapt up in thy Mother's- -Faith thou wert I faith Boy- Bel. Pfhaw, fhe does not know a Woman of Condition from an Orange Wench-Some tawdry Drab in a Hack- ney-Coach. Rob. He makes very bold with my Miſtreſs truly. [Afide. Ifab. Nay, this was no Stage Coach, I'm zhour, it was as rich and as full of Toffels, as Squire Penfilly's laſt Exeter Zize. Sir Tho. What, not warm yet? Why, it may be a Dutchefs for ought yon know- Bel. The Devil-Sir Thomas, either reconcile me once 232 The PLATONICK LADY. once more to your Niece, or by Jove I'll diſcover the grand Secret, and ſet the Widow upon your Back. Sir Tho. Here's a Dog now; in my Confcience, I believe you'd make a good Stateſman Sirrah, what the Action you do in the Morning, will you be ſuch a Rogue to peach in the Afternoon? Ifab. I'm out at all this— Sure he was born without Curiofity--or is grown conftant to torment me. [Ajide.] But, Sir, zhant we go home to my Lady? Mahap zhee may be zick ſhe's vext zo. Bel. And, pretty Creature, won't you ſpeak for me? Ifab. No by my Troth fhan't I, I believe you are valſe, zo I do. Sir Tho. Come along Dolly. [Takes her by the Arm.] Ah fuch an Eye, an ſuch a Come along Dolly Let me fee you in the Evenings, de you hear, Belvil, and if the Lady comes again with Squire Penfilly's Coach,: ſtrike her Boy, ſtrike her. Iſab. Your Zervant, Sir. Bel. What will be the Event of this? man cou'd this be? Rob. Ha, ha, ha ! Bel. Why do you fneer, Sirrah? [Exit. [Exit. -What Wo- Rob. Ah Sir, I wou'd tell you, if I durft- Out with it. Bel. What is't you wou'd tell me? Rob. Ay, but will you forgive me, Sir? Bel. If thou can't explain this Riddle, I will. Rob. Why then, Sir, all that this Country Wench has told you, is a notorious Lye. Bel. How do you know that? Rob. Becauſe, Sir, the Woman that was Miſtreſs of mine, who lodges at the next Door. here is a Bel. A Miſtreſs of yours, Sirrah, in that Garb !—What was her Buſineſs, and how do you know it? Rob. Sir, fhe fhew'd me her Face, and told me ſhe came to ſee me; the Cloaths ſhe ſaid were her Lady's; I fuppofe ſhe had a Mind to captivate me ; 'tis the very Maid to that very Lady that you left in your Lodgings to-day, Sir; and ſhe told me too by the by, Sir, that her Miſtreſs is no more marry'd than you are. Bel. There muſt be ſomething in this more than I can find The PLATONICK LADY. 233 find out- -Egad, I'll endeavour to ſee her at leaſt- Rob. Od fo, yonder ſhe goes- [Exit. Hark ye, Sirrah, fetch me this Woman inſtantly. Bel. They may talk what they will of Spain, but for my Part, I think the English Women can manage an Intrigue with the beſt of them. Enter Robin and Toylet. Rob. Here fhe is, Sir, trembling ripe; anſwer for your- felf now. Bel. Pray, tell me, Miſtreſs, why is my Lodgings your Rendezvous, and what do you deſign by thoſe Appear- ances? Toy. Diſſembling Varlet, to betray me to thy Maſter—– Look ye, Sir, fince I'm caught, the Truth fhall out; for my Part I only obeyed the Commands of my Lady, as we Servants muft, you know. Bel. Very good, but prithee, who is your Lady, Child? Rob. Ay, there's the Query- Toy. It's my Lady Elizabeth Lovemore, a great Heireſs, and very beautiful; but I can't help faying, I think her a little mad to run after you, when there's fifty dying for her. Bel. Humph!And is ſhe ſo very handſome doft thou fay? Toy. A reigning Toaſt admir'd even by her own Sex, and then you muſt allow fhe's handſome indeed- Rob. Now I queftion if it would not puzzle Partridge the Almanack Maker, to find out whether this Wench lyes ar not? Bel. And where does this beautiful Lady of thine live, ha? Toy. InGolden-Square,the third Houſe of the Right-Hand. Rob. There I have trapt you Gentlewoman, don't you lodge at next Door. Toy. Yes, what then? Can't my Lady lodge me at any Door that the pleaſes, when 'its a-propo. Bel. This is a whimſical Tale; however I refolve to fee the End of it; name your Time when I may ſee this fair Incognita; I'm not obdurate faith, ſhe ſhan't die, affure her that. Rob. If fhe does he muſt have chang'd his Nature with the Country. Toy. 234 The PLATONICK LADY. Toy. A Meffenger in the Evening ſhall bring you to the Houſe. Bel. I'll expect it; 'tis in vain for me to think of Con- ſtancy, the Devil is fure to throw fomething in my Way, to hinder my pious Reſolutions. Rob. I'm of your Mind, Sir, and for my Part I have not found this fingular Paffion turn to any Account with me ; fince you begun, therefore, Sir, if you'd take my advice, e'en arm yourſelf with a Bottle of Burgundy, that you may attack your new Miſtreſs with the better Courage. Bel. But Pox! I find Lucinda ftill ſticks here~[Pointing at his Heart. Rob. Nothing like a Glaſs to waſh her away, Sir. Bel. It fhall be fo I'll fing, and drink, and drown her in Champaign, Then warm'd with Wine, I'll break the ſlaviſh Chain, And ſhe ſhall ſue to conquer me again- SCENE changes to Lucinda's Houſe. Enter Lucinda and Betty. Exit. Luc. Good Heavens, who wou'd wiſh to be a Woman? Nature's unerring Laws are ſtill the fame as when ſhe form'd the Order of the World-But Cuſtom has debauch'd her Rules, and given Tyrant Men Pretence to glory in their Falfhood- What Libertine e'er loft a Friend for being fo; Nor ftands he lefs in fame for per- jur'd Vows, that has betray'd a thouſand truſting Maids, whilft we for every trifling Fault condemn'd, become the Subject of licentious Tongues, yet fure our Crimes are re- gifter'd alike in the great impartial Book above———— Enter Footman. Foot. Madam, Sir Charles Richley to wait on you. Luc. Bring him up-[Exit Foot.] tho' I'm in no Hu- mour to entertain- Enter Sir Charles. Sir Cha. Do I not invade your Privacy, Madam? There ſeems a Melancholy fettled on your Brow. Luc. I confefs, Sir Charles, I'm under fome Diſorder. [Sighing. Sir Cha. Happy the Man for whom thofe Sighs are paid, as I am wretched in Deſpair. Luc. The PLATONICK LADY. 235 Luc. Ha! Sir Cha. Oh, Belvil, unworthy of fuch Love or Beauty. Luc. Fam'd you not Belvil, Sir? What of him? Sir Cha. I did -May not a Wretch that's raving in a Fever expreſs his eager wishes for the Bowl, which he fees his healthful Friend paſs by untaſted. Luc. I underſtand you not. Sir Cha. Why fhou'd I conceal the burning Pain, when perhaps another Opportunity may never offer I love you, Madam, not with a looſe unguarded Flame, but all the Faculties of my Soul are center'd in you. Luc. How -Wou'd you fupplant your Friend? Is this like a Man of Honour ? Sir Cha. Oh I had died in Silence, had not he, the happy he provok'd me; he threaten'd me like a Boy, he threaten'd me, if I prefum'd to own my Paffion- Luc. Then 'tis me he loves above the reft; alas! how apt are we to flatter our Diſeaſe. [Afide.] And cou'd you hope, that I fhou'd liſten to an ungratefuf Man? Sir Cha. Alas! too much you do and fince when next Belvil and I meet Fate only knows the Confe- quence- -Let me beg this Favour, tho' I confefs 'tis Boldneſs, to aſk if you deſign Belvil for your Huſband? Luc. You take indeed a Liberty beyond which I ex- pected from you; but I'll not diſguiſe the Truth, of all Men living, Belvil made the firſt Impreſſion in my Heart, and cou'd he clear himſelf of this late Accident, I think I fhou'd prefer him. Sir Char. Now who's ungrateful, he or I? Had I fuch Hopes, what Crowns fhou'd bribe me to forfwear the Marriage? [Half afide. ; Luc. How's that? Take heed how you traduce him am I fo cheap, that he ſhou'd Swear he wou'd not wed me! Confusion 'tis falſe, and were he here, you durft not for your Soul affirm it. Sir Cha. Yes, ſince you have heard me, if a thouſand Points were levell'd at my Breaft, I wou'd maintain it, and in the Face of Death proclaim he faid, he had Sworn never to marry you. Luc. Sworn! oh Impudence! Oh Weakneſs in myſelf to liſten to an unknown Villain; his mercenary Soul ne'er harbour'd generous Thoughts: he fhou'd have been with Gold 236 The PLATONICK LADY. Gold rewarded for the Buſineſs of his Sword, and the Defence he made againſt Midnight Robbers paid with Money, not a Heart. What, did his bafe degenerate Soul hope I fhhou'd yield to looſe Defires? And durft he make his Friend his Confidant? Diftraction! The bare Idea warms me to Revenge, and turns me all to Fury. Sir Cha. What have I faid? Oh let me, Madam, tho' againſt myſelf, atteſt, that in all our Converſation from our firſt Acquaintance, I never knew him ſwear from Honour, whate'er his Reaſons were to fwear it Luc. Revoke not what thou haft faid, but, hence be- gone, and leave me to myſelf; for Tygers, Wolves, and Serpents are leſs hurtful than thy barbarous Kind. Sir Cha. Your Commands do like the Hand of Fate forbid my Stay— -But oh! remember 'tis the faithfulleft of your Slaves obeys you. Enter Ifabella. [Exit. Ifab. So, Sir Charles is gone- His Exit is my Cue, may his Love fucceed I ſay- I'll keep it as forward as I can- -What an Air fhe gives herſelf- -The very bare Imagination of flighted Love is the Devil I find Oh vorſooth an't you well? will you pleaſen that I ſhall get you zomewhat- Luc. Alas, poor Innocence, 'tis not in thy Power to affuage the Torment of my Mind-Didſt thou e'er meet with an ungrateful Swain? Ifab. No, no, they are all true in our Country, I heard of but one valſe, and he had been at London- But you don't aſk me about the toping Lady I vollow'd from the vine Gentleman's Lodgings. Luc. I had forgot, didft thou ſee her Ifab. Did I? yes I did zhour. Luc. And what was the Creature? Ifab. Nay, he can tell you that vorſooth better than I, for they are mainly well acquainted, I vound that- Luc. Ha! how didft thou find it? Did the ugly thing tell thee? Ifab. Nay, in troth, ſhe is not ugly vorſooth—-— tho' I hate her for your Sake- Luc. Faithful, kind, good-natur'd Creature. [Hugs her. Ifab. The PLATONICK LADY. 237 Ifab. She gin me this Silver Book, and writ down where fhe lives, and defires you of all Love to let her zee you this Evening, and fhe'll tell you all; I did not zay one Word to him on't.- [Gives her the Book. I thought never to have Luc. A plain Direction concern'd myſelf with this vile Man's Affairs, but I'll detect him thoroughly- then throw him from my Heart for ever―― Ifab. I hope fo ere I have done. Luc. How bleft, how happy, is this rural Maid? All Cares are baniſh'd from thy peaceful Breaſt : Thou never wert to lucklefs Love betray'd, Unknowing of the Racks that break my Řeſt. Thou ne'er the flattering Wiles of Men believ'd, Deceiving none, thou art by none deceiv'd. [Afide. [Exit leaning upon her arm. SCENE changes to Mrs. Dowdy's Lodgings. Enter Mrs. Dowdy, Sharper, Mrs. Brazen, Peeper, and Equipage. -All my Mrs. Dowdy. Well, I proteſt you are a waggiſh Man, Lord how you have rouzl'd and touzl'd one? Rigging hangs as if 'twas zhaked on with a Zhed Vork, as the old Zaying is- Mrs. Braz. Ay, there's a Man for you now, Widow; ah, wou'd I were in your Place! a briſk young Dog I'faith; I aſk your Pardon, Sir John, I'm a little free- But 'tis my Way, and Madam's Cherry-Brandy was fo good--- Mrs. Dowdy. Will you have t'other Cup, Mrs. Brazen? Ads lid my Heart's open. Sharp. Nay then take a Soldier in that will defend the Breach, Widow. [Embracing her. Mrs. Dowdy. Zhow you ſpoil all one's Rump, you zqueeze one zo▬▬ -In troth I think him main handſome- [Afide. Equi. Matters go rarely; if no Devil croſs it, I fhall come in for my Wages at laft. Enter Belvil drunk, and Robin. Bel. Sings.] If a Nymph proves peevish and coy, Turn off thy Glass, never mind her : Take Bacchus in Room of the Boy. Drink till the Goddess grow kinder. How 238 The PLATONICK LADY. How ftands Tannton Dean now, Widow? [Hickups.] What's here, a Rival? Sharp. Oh the Devil! this fighting Fellow here! we are all unravell'd I doubt. [Afide to Mrs. Brazen. Mrs. Braz. I fear fo too -I hate this Spark, he has too much Senſe for me to get anything by him. Afide. Bel. Let me ſee who are you? [Hickups.] What do you pretend to, ha? Hold up your Head, ha, ha, ha, ha! Peep. Oh dear Sir, what do you do, you'll ſpoil all, did not you fay- [To Belvil. Bel. Look ye [Hickups.] I don't care what I ſaid, I'll take care of the Widow. Sharp. Ah dear Belvil, don't prevent my Fortune. Bel. Don't tell me of your Fortune, was not you kick'd this Morning? [Hickups.] Anſwer me that. Equi. So, if my Contrivance ruins all now, I shan't come in for a Souce. [Afide. Peeb. A duce take you for bringing your drunken Ma- fter here, when we were upon the point of concluding. [Afide to Robin. Rob. What wou'd you have me do with him? Bel. Widow, why Widow I tell you [Hickups.] this Scoundrel fhan't have you, Widow. Mrs. Dowdy. Stand away, Mrs. Brazen; look yee, Sir, matters are gone varder than you think vor, and don't zhow none of your drunken Frolicks here, de yee zee, for I value them not a Ruſh-What zhour I ne'er broke Gold with yee- Bel. No matter for that, I'll show you your Bargain, Widow, and then I have done――He is Sharp. A Plague of Ill-luck. Bel. He is, Widow- [Hickups. Mrs. Dowdy. What is he? uds lid dan't you affront any civil Gentleman in my Houſe, I dan't love yee well enough de yee zee to bear that; what is he now, what is he? he is Man I hope. [Softly. Sharp. Sweet Captain. 'Sdeath, Sir, what do ye mean? [To Belvil in a loud Voice. Bel. Don't exalt your Voice, Sirrah; [Hickups.] don't I know you for a very Poltroon, noted for your Cowar- dice, and kick'd you out of Converſation for your Lying? So, The PLATONICK LADY. 239 So, Widow, I have warn'd ye- -Now, Robin, I'll go Home and ſleep to the Hour of Affignation [Exit Singing, If a Nymph, &c. Mrs. Braz. A Rival's Rage, ſtark mad, he has loſt you, Madam. Mrs. Dowdy. Come, how de yee, Sir John, od my Heart goes apit apat, I was woundy afraid yee wou'd have fit. Sharp. No, no, he knew your Prefence hindered me from drawing, elfe I'd ha made a Cartridge of his Skin, and pounded his Fleſh into Gun-Powder. Mrs. Dowdy. A dod he has a World of Courage. Mrs. Braz. Ah, Madam, you'd fay fo, if you had ſeen what I have ſeen. Mrs. Dowdy. Od I am glad I 'fcap'd this drunken Rogue; but hold yee, hold yee, he can't ha no Claw upon my Eftate, can ha, 'cauſe ha kept him Company? Mrs. Braz. He? engage ye ſecure. Marry Sir John, Madam, I'll Sharp. Come, Madam, ſpeak a kind Word, my Coach waits at the Door, let's go take the Air. Mrs. Braz. And a Glafs of good Canary. Mrs. Dowdy. Of all Liquors indeed Zack Wine pleaſes me beſt. For the Air, de yee zee that's but little, it all zmells of Zea-Coal. Equi. So, there's Hopes again. Peep. Do, Madam, go. Mrs. Dowdy. I don't know how to deny them, they are fuch courteous Volk. Peep. Mrs. Brazen, before the Marriage is over, you muſt ſecure me my hundred Pounds. Mrs. Braz. I will, I will. Thus by our Art are Women bought and fold, They run the Hazard, but we ſhare the Gold- SCENE Isabella's new House. Enter Isabella in a rich Night-drefs, with Toylet. Toy.W EL L, my Wit will let me no farther into this Deſign; when you have brought 'em hi- ther, do you imagine it poſſible to deceive 'em any longer, Madam? Ifab. 240 The PLATONICK LADY. Ifab. If I pleaſe it is—But my Plot draws towards an End- -If when I diſcover myſelf, he ſhou'd ſtill retain his Love for her I have reap'd this Advantage how- ever by it, I ſhall get rid of that odious Contract, for I can prove that Sir Charles made violent love to Lucinda, and will force him to releaſe me; on that Pretence I'll fix the Reaſon of my Frolick, if Belvil's falſe, but never think of Love again. Toy. I wiſh the Pains you have taken to get free from one, and get the Conftancy of the other, does not caſt a Reproach upon your Fame. Isab. That I weigh'd before; the Cenſure of the World is guided by Prejudice, or Partiality, and not worth my Care; I depend on none, and can justify my Conduct to myſelf- Toy. I'm glad on't with all my Heart, I fancy you'll have a Tryal of Patience, for I dare ſwear Belvil and Lu- cinda are reconcil'd again; they will find you out, Madam, in your Roguery. Isab. If they be, I fancy I fhall break the Peace once more, and make the Breach yet wider. Is every thing in order? have you told my Footman what Name I wear at preſent ? Toy. Yes, Madam, and they have put on all their ſtrange Liveries, and ftare, and aſk a thouſand Queſtions, but I feal'd their Mouths with your Ladyſhip's Gratuity. Isab. Very well, be ready to admit her, for I know ſhe'll inſtantly be here, I left her upon the Teaze. Toy. Blefs me, Madam, fhe's coming. Isab. Now for my Tragical Face. [Runs and Sits down on a Couch. Enter Lucinda and Betty. Luc. She appears indeed no common Beauty. [Afide. Ifab. I doubt not, Madam, your Surprize at my Defire to fee you here, but when you fhall know the Ties I have to that falſe Man, ungrateful Belvil, I'm ſure you will forgive me. Luc. Our Sex are too apt to credit the Appearances of Truth from the protefting Tyrants -I have Reafons to ſuſpect Belvil baſe, and long to know your Story- Sure my Eyes deceive me, or fhe reſembles much the Country The PLATONICK LA D Y. 241 Country-Maid I have at Home But 'tis impoffible; Betty, take the Coach and fetch Dorothy hither. Bet. Yes, Madam. Luc. I aſk your pardon- and now I'm all Attention. [Afide to Betty. [Exit. Some Orders to my Maid; Ifab. Humph, I guefs those Orders, but no matter. [Aſide.] Madam, I was born many Leagues from hence, in Flanders; my Name is Donna Clara; 'twas my hard Fate to ſee this Captain Belvil, there he conquer'd me, as few I think can make Reſiſtance to his Charms; I marry'd him, gave him my Heart and Fortune, the laſt was I'm fure too great to be deſpis'd. Luc. Marry'd! oh the harden'd Villain! Ifab. Nay, and what ſhou'd have endear'd him more to me, my Wedlock Joys were bleft with a lovely Boy, his perfect Image, in his Parents Time become a Orphan. Luc. Oh the detefted Monſter! What a Precipice have I efcap'd! Go on thou injur'd Fair, and be aſſur'd I will affift thee. Ifab. He ſaid his Buſineſs called him to this Country, and left me with the firm Promiſe of his endleſs Faith- I writ, and writ, but ftill no Answer came; at length, di- rected by my headſtrong Love, I follow'd him; but oh how cold was my Reception! He forthwith charg'd me I ſhould change my Name, and as I priz'd my Life, not to declare my Marriage- I obey'd in all, nay even ſupply'd him to my own undoing; but being inquifitive to find the fatal Cauſe of this fad Alteration, I learnt 'twas you. Luc. Oh how I hate myſelf for being the innocent Author of fuch Wrongs. Ifab. 'Twas I caus'd that Diſturbance in his Lodgings, nor durft I ſhew my Face, dreading his Rage; I have no Friend in England, and am moſt forlorne- [Weeps. Lnc. Methinks there's Sympathy in Woes like thefe which melt me into Pity-Which Way can I retrieve me in your loft Opinion, or how reprefs your anxious Sorrows? Isab. He fent me Word he'd inftantly be here; tell him the Ills he has committed, but reproach him gently. Luc. Be fure I'll tell him. 16 VOL. II. L Ifab. 242 The PLATONICK LA D Y. Ifab. And doubtlefs he'll deny it with Imprecations, but I'll be near to fecond you. The Devil's in him now if he don't long to fee the Wo- man has made all theſe Stories on him-- Enter Toylet. Toy. Madam, my Maſter— Luc. The perfidious Traytor fhocks me. [Afide. [Exit. Ifab. A Trembling feizes me all o'er, permit me to re- tire till you have taxt him. Luc. Do, and compoſe yourſelf. Enter a Footman fhewing Belvil in. Bel. Well, where's this loving Lady of yours? Luc. Ay, too loving for you, baſe Man. -trapt again [Exit Bel. Ha, Lucinda now ſpark- ling Champaign aſſiſt me-Why this is kindly done-and yet faith 'tis not fair neither, why did not you ſend your own Name? I did but gallop now, I fhou'd have flown then. Luc. Oh unparallel'd Confidence, how cam'ft thou by that honeft looking Form? haft thou not a cloven Foot? Bel. Humph ha! egad I think not. [Looking on his Feet. Luc. Stand off thou vile Contagion, bear to thy injur'd Wife thy boaſted Paſſion. Bel. Wife! Luc. She well deferves whatever thou canst pay. Bel. The Devil fhe does. Luc. Nor can thy future Life attone the Wrongs thou haft done her. Bel. Done her! who a Pox is fhe ?-Wife !--Death, what do you mean, Madam? Ifab. [Peeping.] Ay he may well aſk that Question. Luc. Oh Affurance! You don't know Donna Clara, whom you efpous'd in Flanders? Bel. Donna Clara! Donna Fury, Madam, this is too much. Luc. Too much indeed thou fteel'd Impoftor? could'ft thou abandon fo much Beauty in her blooming Pride, even when Nature to augment thy Joys had bleft thee with a Son. Bel. Death, Madam, you make me mad; a Son ! it may be The PLATONICK LADY. 243 be ſo, tho' hang me if I know any thing of the Matter. Luc. Nor you don't know that you're in her Houſe I ſuppoſe neither. Bel. Not I faith- I don't know whofe Houſe it is, nor do I care three Farthings; go on with your Banter- Donna Clara !—A Son! Wife! and the Devil! Luc. Come forth, Madam, and confront the Traytor. Now, Sir, do you ſtart? Enter Ifabella. What does ſhe intend? Bel. Ha! who's this- Ifab. [Kneels.] Forgive me, Sir, that I have reveal'd the Secret! but my impatient Love no longer cou'd en- dure a Rival. Bel. Secret, what does fhe mean? Egad fhe's very handſome; pray, Madam, who are you, Donna Clara, or the Lady Elizabeth Lovemore? Ifab. Oh wretched! am I then forgotten? Bel. Sink me if I remember you. Luc. Oh that my Uncle now were here, that I at once might blaſt his Hopes. and baniſh him our Houſe for ever -Riſe, Madam, he is not worth your tender Care- Does not thy Soul reflect upon thy Actions, and ſhew thy Guilt as black as Hell? Bel. Damnation! Madam, what defign ye by theſe Pre- tences? [Walks about in a Paffion. Luc. What did you deſign, baſe Man, in your Addreffes to me? Ifab. 'Twas your Beauty, Madam, made him falſe; oh do not chide him, cruel as he is I love him ſtill. Bel. 'Gad I'll have fome Revenge for her Plot. [Afide. Do'st thou fo my dear pretty Creature; well, thy Virtue has overcome me; here, where are my [Hugging her. Servants? let the Bed be made this Minute, I'm impatient till I have thee in my Arms, Madam; you'll fling the Stocking? I'll fancy it is again my Wedding Night, and my beauteous Wife not yet enjoy'd. [Kiffing and embracing her all the while. Luc. Oh! you know her now, Sir. Ifab. Heavens! what fhall I do now, what have I drawn upon myſelf here? Bel. And how does my charming Boy, is he with you? L 2 Ijab. 244 The PLATONICK LA D Y. Ifab. Sir, I, I, I. Luc. Ha, fhe ftammers and bluſhes. Bel. By all my Joys thou art more charming than when I first embrac'd thee, thy Breath is Jeffamine, thy Bofom fweeter than Beds of Rofes. [Embracing her. Ifab. For Honour's fake ftand off, hear me and I'll confefs the Truth. Luc. Ha! Enter Betty. Bet. Oh Madam! Dorothy's gone, the Servants tell me fhe call'd for a Coach in another Air, and away ſhe flung like Lightning- Luc. More Riddles. Bet. But here's your Uncle and Sir Charles. Enter Sir Thomas and Sir Charles. Ifab. Ha! Sir Charles, I fhall be expos'd- muſt reſolve to bear it out. -but Turns away. Luc. Oh Uncle, I am glad you are come to prove the Baſeneſs of your Favourite. Sir Tho. How, how, my Boy baſe? Luc. He's marry'd, yet impudently deny'd it to her Face; fhe follow'd him from Flanders; there fhe ftands, and I believe you'll think ſhe merited kinder Uſage. Sir Cha. Then, Madam, he is not quite fo culpable as you imagin'd, he had Reaſon for his Ỗath. Sir Tho. And haſt thou ſhot the Gulf of Matrimony my Lad, ha? Bel. So it ſeems, Sir Thomas. Sir Tho. Why let me fee thy Wife then- What, do ye turn your Back? You need not be aſham'd of my Boy, my Hero, Madam. Sir Cha. How, Ifabella! [Turns her about. Ifab. Yes, Ifabella, I hope you have no Pretenſions to Isabella? Bel. Pfhah, you miſtake Man, this is Donna Clara. Si Tho. Who the Devil's Isabella? Luc. I'm furpriz'd; pray explain this to me, for only I am in the Dark. Sir Tho. Why, did not you ſay it was his Wife? Luc. I thought fo Ifab. The PLATONICK LADY. 245 Ifab. He does not or he will not know me- [Afide.] I own I have gone beyond my Sex and Quality, but it was to purchaſe Liberty, and break a forc'd Contract with that perfidious Man who paid his Vows to you. Sir Cha. I fhou'd not have put you to this Trouble, Ma- dam, if you had let me known your mind fooner. Luc. What, am I then a Property, am I a Perſon fit to be abus'd? Sir Tho. Why then thou art not marry'd, Man- Have Patience, Niece. Luc. I can have none, and will renounce Mankind. Sir The. Faith and troth but thou shalt not. Bel. What Devil has poffeft thee with fuch Indifference for a Woman fo charming, Sir Charles? had not Lucinda engrofs'd my Heart, I cou'd adore this Beauty, and make my only Requeſt to be what but now ſhe call'd me, Huf- band. Ifab. Some kind Angel inform him who I am, and fave my Bluſhes. [Afide. Sir Cha. She never thought me worth her Conqueft. Ifab. Nor ever will- Sir Tho. Short and pithy- Bel. Now, Madam, I hope my Innocence is clear'd. Luc. I am convinc'd I ſuppoſe, Madam, you were my Farmer's Daughter too Enter Toylet. Ifab. I was indeed, Madam, at your Service- Toy- let, and this was the Lady in your Lodgings; when we were there, I keep my Word with you, Sir, you fee I confefs all Bel. Now, Madam, fince your Uneafinefs has difco- ver'd Love, pray let the Parſon make an End of our Platonicks. Ifab. What do I hear? [Afide. Luc. I ſee a real Paſſion cannot be diſguis'd- Sir Tho. Hold, hold, I forbid the Banns. Ifab. Bleft Sound. [Afide. Bel. What! do you know of another Marriage, Sir Thomas, ha? Sir Tho. No, but I know that which you don't know, Boy--Why I'll hold you fifty Pound you don't know your own Name- L 3 Bel. 246 The PLATONICK LADY. Bel. No? that's very hard indeed. Sir Tho. As hard as it is, 'tis true- Name now? What's your Bel. James Belvil; I never had any other Name that I know of. Sir Tho. Why look ye there now, did not I tell you you did not know your Name; then there's the Writings again, you young Dog you, which entitles you to two Thouſand a Year, and James Beaumont, ha, ha ! Luc. How's this, my Name? Sir Tho. Ay as fure as he's thy own Brother, Girl. Luc. My Brother! Bel. My Sifter! Luc. What, is this he I have fo often heard you lament? Why did you conceal it from me thus long! Ifab. Her Brother! oh lucky Turn? [Afide. Sir Tho. Becauſe I was refolv'd he fhou'd get the Writ- ings of his Eſtate before he was known, that he might not be plagu'd with Law as I have been. Sir Cha. Then Lucinda's free. Oh Transport-Dear Sir Thomas unfold. Sir Tho. Thus then; my Brother was a Merchant, a thriving Man, there were not ſo many Privateers abroad in his Time, nor the French fo powerful. Bel. Very well, go on Sir Thomas-I fhall have a Fa- ther at laft- Sir Tho. This Daughter upon his Death-Bed he be- queath'd to me; you, his Son, he did not think fit to truſt in my Hands, being wheedled by that old Rogue Roger Dowdy his Steward, who infinuated that I being next Heir, was not proper for your Guardian, ſo prevail'd with my Brother to let him have you, and with you the Writings, Care and Management of the Eſtate- Sir Cha. Happy Story. Bel. Then you are my Uncle, Sir- Sir Tho. Certainly, Boy. Luc. But how are you fure this is my Brother, Sir? Sir Tho. If you'll give me Leave, dear Madam, you fhall hear. [Slyly.] Your Father left effects in Spain, whi- ther Dowdy went to adjuſt 'em, and with him took this pro- per Fellow then an Infant; at his Return pretended he was dead, and produc'd a forg'd Will, wherein he was left my Brother's The PLATONICK LADY. LADY. 247 Brother's Heir in Cafe of your Death; but I had private Intelligence from Spain, that he had boarded you there, and changed your Name to Belvil I have ever ſince been in Law with him till he dy'd: I got him into Chan- cery, which we call the Court of Equity, but 'tis the Court of the Devil, for the Old Rafcal brib'd the Lawyers fo high, that I have hung there theſe twenty Years. Ifab. Oh how my Heart leaps at this Relation. [Aſide. Sir Tho. I fent for you ſeveral times, but the Diſtance of Place, and the Man that had the Care of you being a Soldier, you was ſtill remov'd : at laſt I loſt intelligence of you in the Spaniſh Netherlands, till that lucky Night that brought you to our Houſe, and being weary of Law, I put you upon that Stratagem to get the Writings. Bel. It agrees with every Circumftance of my Life thus let me pay you a Son's Duty for your Care; [Kneels.] and now Sifter, let me embrace you with a Brother's Love. Luc. And all my Paffion fhall be turn'd to a Sifter's Fondnefs- -Whilft what I as a Lover lik'd, I re- commend to fair Iſabella. Bel. Ifabella! oh that Name rouzes a Thought within my Breaft, which I cou'd wish for ever loft, fince the Caufe is never to be found. Ifab. You do not wiſh to find it, I prefume; our Incli- nations may poffibly alter with the Air, we do not breathe the fame in London which we did in Paris. Bel. Ha! Ifab. You have learnt from the Beau-mond, that the Con- verſation of a Drawing-Room is beyond that of a Grate. Bel. By Heaven 'tis fhe, my Ifabella, [Runs and em- braces her] for whom I've fearcht, and figh'd fo long; now I am bleft indeed. Sir Tho. What, another Turn? Luc. Pray unriddle this, Brother. Bel. You fhall know it all at large within; let this fuffice at preſent, this Lady is my Wife by Promiſe, five Years ago in France we plighted Faiths, and nothing now fhall part us. Ifab. You muſt own I have deferv'd you. Šir Cha. With this Embrace take my Conſent, [Embrace] fo thou'lt advance my Intereit here. Bel. With all my Soul. Sir Tho. 248 The PLATONICK LADY. Sir Tho. and mine, with all my Spirit. Enter Robin. Rob. Oh, Sir, Mrs. Dowdy, and a whole Coach full of Folks; ſhe has been hunting you all the Town over ſhe faid, and ſeeing me at the Door knew you were here, Sir. Bel. Will you give me Leave, Madam, to bring 'em into your Houſe? [To Iſabella. Ifab. With all my Heart, my Time's fhort in this Houſe, I only hir'd it for this Purpoſe. Toy. Oh Robin! your Mafter is found Heir to two thouſand a Year. Rob. Say'ft thou fo? then you and I muſt talk more of the Buſineſs; we ſhall live rarely, Girl, for he's generous as a Prince. Bel. Go, bring 'em up. [Exit Robin. Re-enters with Mrs. Dowdy, Sharper, Brazen, Equipage, and Peeper. Mrs. Dowdy. Oh Captain! have I vound you? Z'dſlid give me my Writings you ftole from me, you cheating Knave you, or I'll zet Sir John upon your Back. Ifab. I am afraid, my dear Country Coufin, the right Owner has got 'em into his Hands, and won't eaſily re- turn 'em. Bel. Sir John-Ha, ha, ha! how long has he been a Knight? Why this is Sharper, a Fellow not worth two Pence; if thou art marry'd to him, Widow, much good may do thee Sir Cha. The very honourable Gentleman I met this Morning. Sharp. Pox on her for bringing me here, wou'd I were well out again. [Afide. Mrs. Dowdy. Well, well, an he be no Knight, I don't care, de ye zee, he is my Huſband, and for all you have chouc'd me out of two thouſand Pounds a Year, I have enough to maintain him, and make him a Gentleman too, mun. Sir Tho. Hark ye, hark ye, take me along with you— Chouc'd you, did you fay? Have a Care, don't you re- member a Child named James Beamont, your Huſband carried into Spain, ha? Mrs. Dowdy. The PLATONICK LADY. 249 Mrs. Dowdy. Od, and it troubled his Conſcience mainly zo it did- -But what of him? Bel. Nothing, only I am that Child it ſeems, and have made bold to ſecure my Eſtate, and henceforth will ma- nage it myſelf. Mrs. Dowdy. Zay you zo! nay then 'tis beſt to be quiet. Luc. I find, Miſtreſs your Huſband was a great Knave— Mrs. Dowdy. Zo may your Huſband vor ought I know vorfooth-I can't zay much for his Honeſty truly, but I'm zhour I was a good Gentlwoman born, as Cozen Isbell here can teſtify. Ifab. Don't call me for a Witneſs; for my Part I was told I was related to you, but our Acquaintance began in London. Sharp. How, two thouſand Pounds a Year lopt off? wou'd I were unmarried again. Sir Cha. There's too much for you Raſcal yet- Sir Tho. Come, Femmy. you fhall go in, and ſign Releaſes this joyful Day, and forgive her all that's paſt. Bel. With all my Heart. Mrs. Braz. But hark ye, hark ye, Sir, [To Sharper,] how muft I have my thouſand Pounds? Sharp. When you can fecure the Eſtate you promis'd me, you unconscionable Jade: Your Judgment, Gen- tlemen? do's fhe deferve a thouſand Pounds for making the Match between us? Sir Tho. I'm afraid ſhe rather deſerves to have her Bones broke. Sir Cha. Not a Groat, when the Marriage is over your Buſineſs is done. Mrs. Dawdy. A thouſand Pounds! oh you graceleſs Puſs -Ad's Life, I gin her a hundred zo I did; let me come at her, I'll pull her Noſe off- Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! Luc. This is good Diverfion. Mrs. Braz. A hundred Pounds! I fhou'd have a rare Trade on't if every old Woman was as ſneaking as you in the Matches I have made lately. Equi. Don't let your Clack walk here, Dol Do mischief; out, out—[Turns her out.] I fhall get my Wages. [Afide. Peep. 'Tis beft for me to hold my Tongue, left I be fery'd the fame Sauce. [Afide. Mrs. Dowdy 250 The PLATONICK LADY. Mrs. Dowdy. Come, Spouſe, let's down in the Country, 'fore George, I ha paid woundy dear for learning London Vaſhons. [Noife of Fiddles without. Sir Tho. Ha, the Fiddlers fmell a Wedding, let's have a Country Dance. A DAN CE. Bel. Thus for our Good, kind Providence provides, Unſeen by us through every Labyrinth guides : 'Twas that which kept me from a Sifter's Arms, And gave me back to Iſabella's Charms. THE THE LOVERS: Perplex'd Lovers : A COMEDY As it is Acted at the THEATRE-ROYAL in DRURY-LAN E, BY Her MAJESTY's Servants. 狂 ​ I PREFACE. AM oblig'd to trouble my Reader with a Preface, that he may not be carried away with falfe Notions, to the Prejudice of this Play, which had the ill Fate to intro- duce a new Cuſtom, viz., in being acted the first Day with- out an Epilogue: It ſeems the Epilogue defign'd wou'd not pafs; therefore the Managers of the Theatre did not think it fafe to speak it, without I cou'd get it licens'd, which I cou'd not do that Night, with all the Interest I cou'd make: So that at last the Play was forc'd to conclude without an Epilogue. Mr. Norris, who is an excellent Comedian in his Way, was defired to ſpeak fix Lines Extempore, to in- treat the Audience to excufe the Defect, and promiſed them an Epilogue the next Night; but they apprehending that it was the Epilogue defign'd for the Play, were pleas'd to fhew their Reſentment. It is plain the want of the Epilogue cauſed the Hifs, becauſe there had not been anything like it during the whole Action; but on the contrary a general Clap attended the Conclufion of the Play. The next Day I had the Honour to have the Epilogue licens'd by the Vice-Chamberlain, but by this Time there was a Rumour Spread about Town that it was a notorious whiggiſh Epi- logue; and the Perfon who defign'd me the Favour of Speaking it, had Letters fent her to forbear, for that there were Parties forming against it, and they advis'd her not to ftand the Shock; here was a fecond Blow greater than the first: The finking of my Play cut me not half fo deep as the Notion I had, that there cou'd be People of this Nation fo ungrateful as not to allow a single Compliment to a Man that has done fuch Wonders for it. I am not prompted by any private finifter End, having never been obliged to the Duke of Marlborough, otherwiſe than as I Shar'd in common with my Country; as I am an Engliſh Woman, I think myself oblig'd to acknowledge my Obli- gation to his Grace for the many glorious Conquefts he has attained, and the many Hazards he has run, to eſtab- ligh The PREFACE. lifh us a Nation free from the Infults of a Foreign Power. I know not what they call Whigs, or how they diſtinguiſh between them and Tories: But if the Defire to fee my Country fecur'd from the Romish Yoke, and flourish by a firm, lafting, Honourable Peace, to the Glory of the best of Queens, who defervedly holds the Ballance of all Europe, be a Whig, then I am one, elſe not. I have printed the Epilogue, that the World may judge whether tis fuch as has been repreſented. So much for that. Now I muſt acquaint my Reader, that I shall not pretend to vindicate the following Scenes, about which I took very little Pains, most of the Plot being from a Spaniſh Play, and aſſuring myself Success from Mr. Cibber's Approbation, whoſe Opinion was, that the Buſineſs wou'd fupport the Play ; tho' Mr. Wilks feem'd to doubt it, and ſaid, there was a great deal of Buſineſs, but not laughing Buſineſs; tho' indeed I cou'd not have dress'd this Plot with much more Humour, there being four Acts in the Dark, which tho' a Spaniſh Au- dience may readily conceive, the Night being their proper Time of intriguing; yet here, where Liberty makes Noon- day as eafy, it perplexes the Thought of an Audience too much; therefore I shall take Care to avoid fuch Abfur- dities for the future; and if I live I will endeavour to make my Friends amends in the next. To i To his Illuftrious Highneſs Prince EUGENE of Savoy. NE Night with various Thoughts I muſing lay, Reflecting on the Buſineſs of the Day; At length theſe Words got Paſſage from my Breaſt, And thus the Sadneſs of my Soul exprefs'd : Oh! when will Faction leave my Native Shore, And Britons labour to be Slaves no more? When ſhall due Merit meet with due Regard, And Friends to France, be England's Foes declar'd? That once perform'd, my Nation wou'd have Peace, And all our Troubles and Diſtractions ceaſe. While thus I argu'd, Sleep did gently ſteal, And in foft Slumbers o'er my Senfes feal. Straight I on Albion's chalky Cliffs was laid, From whence I Neptune's fpacious Realms ſurvey'd ; When lo! a Dolphin haſted to the Shore, His Back a Triton of Diftinction bore, Who choſe for his Support a Mountain Wave, And from a Coral Trump, he three loud fignals gave. Alarm'd Britania came the Caufe to learn, From whence the Courier, and of what Concern: To whom the Triton bow'd his Head, to ſhow How much all Nations to Britannia owe. Then ſtraight prepar'd his Embaſſy to tell, While joyous Waves with Expectation fwell. From Neptune, Lord of all the wealthy Main, I come, great Eugene's Entry to proclaim : His out-stretch'd Sails the Winds with Pleafure fill, And ev'ry faucy Storm's commanded to be ſtill. The Nereids all around his Veſſel play, While Shoals of Tritons guard his liquid Way. Advance, Britannia, to receive this Chief; The Tyrant's Scourge, and the Oppreft's Relief; A nobler Weight thy Seas cou'd never boaſt, Since they the great, the Glorious William loft : Such dauntless Courage, fuch a Free-born Mind Alone are fit to fuccour Human-kind. Thus To Prince EUGENE of Savoy. Thus ſpoke the Triton from his tow'ring Wave, And this Command the pleas'd Britania gave : To great Auguſta quick let Fame repair, And ſpeak the Loud Eugene's Arrival there. On Thames' fair Banks I quick as Thought was thrown, Where Fam'd Augufta's ftately Piles are ſhown : Here I beheld a lovely Silvan Scene, Nature renew'd, and ev'ry Bough was green : Here tuneful Birds their choiceft Notes prepare, And Aromatick Scents fill'd all the ambient Air: When a bright Form expanded on the Wing, Did to my Senfe Surprize and Wonder bring. Her Golden Treffes by the Wind were borne, And num'rous Eyes did every Part adorn : A Scarlet Robe ſhe had, all ſpangled o'er, A 'broider'd Ceſtus round her Waiſt ſhe wore, And in her Hand a Golden Trumpet bore : She litt, methought, yet feem'd to grow ſo high, Her Head aſpir'd to reach the diſtant Sky. Straight with her Breath fhe blew a gladfome Sound, And Echo joyfully the Notes rebound. Augufta heard, and rais'd her awful Head, While Thames forfook his owzy Bed : To welcome Fame they both appear'd in View, And from her Looks propitious Omens drew. Smiling he stood, and with a chearful Voice Cry'd, Hail old Thame, Auguſta now rejoice, Great Eugene comes, your Banners ftraight diſplay, From every Turret folemnize this Day. To Minds like his- -you all your Safeties owe, From Souls enlarg'd your choiceft Bleffings flow. Eugene and Marlbro, Names to Europe dear, True Heroes born, and Brothers of the War, Their innate Worth immortal Life ſhall give, And make their Fame in fpight of Envy, live, And even the ſharp, and Iron Teeth of Time (That muſt deſtroy theſe Lofty Piles of thine) Shall make their Actions much the brighter fhow, For thoſe Immortal as their Souls fhall grow, Hafte, Britons, your choiceſt Youth prepare To meet and entertain this God of War; From To Prince EUGENE of Savoy. From him, and Marlbro', let your Soldiers take Such bright Examples as true Heroes make : Be brave like them, like them diſcharge their Truſt, To ANNE be loyal, to their Country juft; So fhall their Acts ſtrike Envy's Cenfure dumb, And thus Britannia rival ancient Rome. So fpoke the Goddess, and withdrew from Sight, Hiding her fluid Form in Folds of Light. Augufta hafted to diſplay her Pride, And Thame his joys exprefs'd with double Tide. Now was each Street with Expectation fill'd, When I a Train of Britons Pride beheld; For Fancy here again had chang'd the Scene, And A NN A's Court appear'd, to welcome great Eugene. Foremoſt in Worth did graceful Marlbro' ftand, Whoſe wondrous Conduct fav'd the British Land, And Europe's Ballance fix'd in A N N A's Hand. Spight of his Foes, he's ſtill to Eugene dear, Who knows his Soul, knows every Virtue there, Knows Loyalty and Courage fill his Breaſt, And fees his Mind, with Truth, and Prudence dreſt. Again his Fame fhall glitter like a Star, When England's Foes like Meteors diſappear; But now behold the lovely Eugene here. And with him comes the Genius of our Ifle, Methinks I fee her on the Heroes fmile, And hear her fay, Go on Brave Pair, ſubdue. The Tyrant only can be cruſh'd by you. Then Savoy's Hero fingly thus addreſt, Hail valiant Prince, far more than Monarch bleſt; He wants no Crown, who reigns in every Breaſt. Thy Prefence here my drooping Nation warms, While Belgia owes her Being to thy Arms. The barbarous Turk thy conqu'ring Name reveres, And more thy Sword, than Mahomet's Curſe, he fears. By thee, his chofen Troops were put to Flight, Or cut to Pieces in their Sultan's Sight. By thee was Savoy's Duke retriev'd from Fate, His Foes by thee were beat, by thee he holds his State. Hail, matchlefs Youth of the Soifonian Line, Whoſe Actions bright, as Romans Confuls ſhine : Not more, the Macedonian Chief renown'd, Nor he, who through the Alps a Paſſage found. The To Prince EUGENE of Savoy. The Gallick Tyrant dreads thy vengeful Hand, And fees his ill-got Trophies tott'ring ſtand : Tho' freed from Marlbro' ftill his Fears remain, Still Anjou trembles on the Throne of Spain ; And if I ought forfee, the Bourbon Race Shall (forc'd by thee) to Austria's Houfe give place. Thus Britain's Genius- -while the liſt'ning Crowd Expreft their Joys in Acclamations loud : Shook with the Sound, Sleep looſen'd all his Ties, And left me waking in a pleas'd Surprize. PROLOGUE. Spoken by Mr. BOOTH. To entertain this bustling buſy Age, то Our Author now brings Business on the Stage; She plots, contrives, embroils, foments Confufion, And yet to Politicks makes not the leaft Alluſion. Bufinefs is now the A-la-mode Pretence. All wou'd be Men of Business, and of Senfe. The faithlefs Rover, when with Cælia cloy'd, Still fwears, that Buſineſs has his Time employ'd : But when ſhe ſees him for another leave her, Too late fhe finds her Business done for ever. The Cit for Buſineſs early leaves his Bed, And Spoufe, with other Buſineſs in her Head! She rifes early too by his Example, Pretends fome Law Case with Spruce Colonel Dimple, And gets her Deary's Bufinefs done—i' th' Temple. The Side-box Spark,his only Business lies To read his Fair-one's Paffion in her Eyes. The Ladies act their own, not mind our Parts, The Buſineſs is, in looking out for Hearts. The Sweet-condition'd Females of the Pit Come not to us in queft of Mirth or Wit; Nor care they what becomes of a poor Play: You know their Bufinefs lies another Way. To cut my Buſineſs ſhort then—I'm to pray, While here, you'd have no Buſineſs but the Play. If in Attention your Applauſe is ſhewn. You'll do our Author's Buſineſs, and your own. 17 VOL. II. EPI- EPILOGUE. Spoken by Mr. Norris in Mourning. H Woe is me, oh, oh, oh, what shall I say? он They charge me here, with finking of the Play. To you I appeal, and pray do me right, Cou'd I, Sirs, help your hifing t'other Night? I; but faid the Poet, I thought your Face Might from the upper Gallery find more Grace; Since all below cou'd not think it my Fault, For all know here, an Epilogue was wrote; Nay and fent to be Licenc'd too, what then It wou'd not pass, fo was return'd again. Cou'd you no Credit to poor Scrub afford, Or cou'd you doubt your Brother Dickie's Word? I ſaid you ſhou'd have an Epilogue to-day, And don't you mind what Men of Honour ſay? Nay, laugh not, Brethren, for our Author's Friends On all the Murderers Revenge intends. Since the poor Soul is dead, you caus'd her Fall, Like Julius Cæsar in the Capitol. By two-and-thirty Hifles from that Side, Stung to the Heart, the pretty Creature dy'd. Good-natur'd Soul! yet midft thefe dreadful Scars She made her Will, and left you all her Heirs. Firft to the Ladies, fhe bequeaths her Spouſe; To th' Beaux, fome Copies of foft Billet-doux: She knew that few of them, alas! love thinking, Their chiefeft Talent lies in Drefs and Winking. To th' pliant Girls, and Gamefters of the Pit, If they cou'd find it out- She leaves her Wit. To all the Soldiers, when the Wars fhall ceafe, She leaves her Pen, to purchafe Bread in Peace, Her Plots, Contrivances, and Stratagems, She leaves t' intriguing Wives of Citizens. Dramatick Rules, and Scraps of Poetry, She leaves thofe-ay, ay, thofe fhe leaves to me. Look to't young Men, for I intend to write, Egad I'll fwinge you off out of pure Spight; Therefore be civil you had beſt to-night. And EPILOGUE. And now, Sirs, to conclude our Author's Will, She humbly prays, here in the Codicil, You wou'd the Undertaker's charge defray, By filling up the Houfe upon her Day. The EPILOGUE, defign'd to have been Spoke the first Night by Mrs. Oldfield. IN thefe good Times when War is like to cease, And Europe foon expects a gen'ral Peace; Ye Beaux, Half-Wits, and Criticks, all may know I from Apollo come a Plenipo ; Who well inclin'd to treat, by me thinks fit To fend Proposals from the State of Wit; Against fuch strong Confederates engag'd, An unfuccessful War he long has wag'd; And now declares, if you will all ſubmit, To pay the Charges of his Box and Pit, He will no more Hoftilities commit. In all their Works his Poets fhall take Care Never to reprefent you, as you are. But on the Critick, Fudgment shall bestow, Senfe on the Witling, Beauty on the Beau. This for the Men: next he affures the Fair, He grieves that ever he with them made War; Or ever in his Plays attack'd their Fame, Or any thing diſclos'd unfit to name; Or Characters of faithless Women drew, And fhew'd feign'd Beauties, fo unlike the true. But in all future Scenes the Sex fhall fee Themfelves as charming as they wish to be ; For them he will ordain new Comick Rules, And never more will make them doat on Fools: And when he rifes to the Tragick Strain, None but true Heroes fhall their Favours gain; Such as that Stranger who has grac'd our Land, Of equal Fame for Council and Command. } A Prince, EPILOGUE. A Prince, whofe Wisdom, Valour, and Success, The gazing World with Acclamations bleſs ; By no great Captain in paft Times outdone, And in the preſent equall'd but by ONE. Thefe fair Conditions will, I hope, compofe All Wars between the Poets and their Foes. Come Jign the Peace, and let this happy Age Produce a League in favour of the Stage: But fhou'd this fail, at leaſt our Author prays A Truce may be concluded for fix Days. Dramatis Perfonæ. MEN. LordRichlove, in Love with Conftantia, Mr. Mills. Sir Roger Merryman, Father to Con- Mr. Leigh. ftantia and Belvil, Colonel Baſtion,in Love with Conftantia, Mr. Wilks. Colonel Merryman, Father to Camilla, Mr. Bullock, Sen. Belvil, in Love with Camilla, Timothy, Servant to Colonel Baſtion, Le Font, a French Valet de Chambre to the Lord Richlove, WOMEN. Mr. Booth. Mr. Pack. Mr. Bowem. Conftantia, in Love with Colonel Baſtion, Mrs. Santlow. Camilla, in Love with Belvil. Florella, Maid to Conftantia, Mrs. Oldfield. Mrs. Saunders. The SCENE, LONDON. The Time from Five in the Evening till Eight in the Morning. THE 淇淇​淇 ​於​興​興​興​的​興​興 ​THE Perplex'd LOVERS. ACT I. SCENE I. SENE the Street. Enter Colonel Baftion and Timothy. Baſt. WHY you hungry Dog, is nothing to be minded but your Guts, Sirrah? Tim. Why is it reaſonable now, Colonel, that nothing ſhou'd be minded but your Love Affairs till I am ſtarv'd? in fhort, Sir, I am no Soldier; if your Method and mine won't agree, why e'en let us part fairly. Baſt. Why what have you to complain of, Sirrah? Tim. Oh! a Multitude of things; fince you have been honourably in Love, you are no more like the Man you were than a Squib is like a Cannon; fometimes you walk fo foftly that my Feet freeze in my Shoes; then by and by fo faft that a Highlander can't keep Pace with you- -and I fcarce get a good Meal in a Week; I muſt faſt, becauſe Love has taken away your Stomach; and the Devil a Bottle can I tick, because he has forfworn the Tavern. [Afide.] Befides, Sir, you load me with ſo many Secrets that I fhall burft, or get my Bones broke one time other; therefore, good Sir, dis- charge me. Baft. Very fad Grievances indeed-So you are refolv'd to part with me then? Tim. Yes really, Sir, without fome Amendments on your Side. Baſt. Come, what wou'd you have? let's hear. Tim. Why, Sir, in the firſt Place I wou'd have my Wages; there's a great deal due, Colonel. Bast. How long have you ferv'd me? Tim. 262 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Tim. [looks on his Book.] Let me fee, I have ſerv'd you-I have ferv'd you juſt five Years, four Months, one Week, three Days, two Hours, one Minute, and two Seconds, Sir. Baſt. You are very particular. Tim. I love punctual Dealings, Sir: Now my Wages comes to at fix Pounds per Annum, thirty-two Pounds the five Years four Months, the odd Week two fhillings six Pence, the two Hours one Half-penny--as for the half Hour, one Minute, and two Seconds, I'll generouſly throw them into the Bargain. I fcorn to treat a Gentleman dirtily. Baſt. You are wonderfully obliging. Tim. Now, Sir, out of thefe thirty-two Pounds three Shillings and nine Pence Half-penny, I have receiv'd at feveral Times, the full Sum of -nothing at all; fo that there ſtill remains due to me the aforefaid Sum, Colonel. Baſt. Very well, Sir, you ſhall be paid--Theſe are the Extent of your Demands? Tim. Nay hold there ! theſe are but part of them, Sir. Baft. Be brief then; what more? Tim. Why, Sir, there is Board-wages for thoſe Days I eat nothing my Pocket has no Reaſon to enter into Alliance with my Stomach. Baft. Oh! theſe things ſhall be rectified. shan't leave me. Come, you Tim. Say you fo, Sir. Why then you fhall promiſe me three Meals a Day, and to intruſt me with no Secret I may not tell the whole Town; for I lie fo much upon your Account, Sir, that I'm fhrewdly afraid I fhall never die in my Bed. Baft. Can you fall more honourably, Sirrah, than in defence of your Maſter's Secrets? Tim. Faith, Sir, I defire to ſhake hands with that kind of Honour; I heartily wiſh this honourable Fit of Love may give you an Averſion for the Sex; and then 'twould be fome Comfort to live with you. Baſt. That it has already: I believe I have done with Womankind. · Tim. How's that, Sir? Done with Womankind? Ods my Life, you are not ftruck with Death, are you? Or are you married? No, no, that can't be; for then you'd have an Inclination for every Woman but your own Wife. Baft. The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 263 Baft. Yes, I am married to the Wars, and intend for Flanders to-morrow. Tim. Nay then, Sir, I am your moſt humble Servant. For Flanders quotha! that's out of the Frying-Pan into the Fire I have had enough of Flanders, I thank you. Baft. There your Head won't be burthen'd with Secrets. Tim. No, nor my Body burthen'd with my Head neither perhaps am afraid you and I muſt part at laſt, Colonel for Flanders does not agree with my Conſtitu- tion; the very Air of a Cannon Ball turns all my Blood in a Moment. But pray, Sir, with Submiffion, may I not know the Reaſon of this fudden Refolution? Is there no Hopes of Madam Conftantia then ? Baft. I fear not -I have a powerful Rival, Tim ; my Lord Richlove, her Servant affures me, has made her ſeveral Vifits, encourag'd by her Father; then what may I not apprehend? he's a Lord, and ſhe's a Woman; Gran- deur and Titles charm the Sex beyond the Power of Con- ſtancy and Love; her concealing it from me, confirms ſhe likes him. I'll viſit her inſtantly and take my Leave; I fhall judge by her Deportment if my Abfence wou'd oblige her. Tim. Nay, if he fees her there are fome Hopes of our ftaying in England yet- -but Madam Camilla is ftill your Friend. Baſt. I think fo, and the Door which opens out of her Houſe into Conſtantia's Apartment undiſcover'd, the only way by which I ſee her. Go you to Camilla's, and with my humble Service let her know I intend to wait on her immediately; and humbly intreat Conſtantia my be there. Tim. Yes, Sir. [Exit. Baft. How unequal are the Lots of Fate, and what in- numerable Bleſſings wait on large Poſſeſſions? I have nothing but a faithful Heart to ballance his Eftate and Title, no Gold to give in Dowry with my Love, no Coach and Six to praunce it in the Ring, no Diamond Bait to glitter in the Box, no thouſand Pounds to hazard on a Card; this Sword is all my Fortune, and Love the only Jointure I can make. Re-enter Timothy. Tim. Sir, Mrs. Cmilla fays, fhe'll inform her Couſin Conftantia this Minute. Baft. 264 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Baft. 'Tis well- Now I the Criſis of my Fate ſhall try, This Hour throws the Chance that bids me Live or Die. [Exit. Tim. Oh Life, Life, ſweet Heav'n give us Life, fay I. [Exit. SCENE changes to Camilla's Apartment. Enter Camilla and Conftantia. Cam. Come, Coufin, prithee be cheerful, don't let my Uncle's Propoſal make you fplenetic, we ſhall counterplot 'em all, I warrant thee Girl—The Colonel's Sword is as long as my Lord's, and as good Metal too, never fear it. Conft. I hope I fhall never fee the Trial- -I wou'd not have the Colonel know of his Lordship's Pretenfions; for by my own Heart I judge the Pains that his wou'd feel the bare Sufpicion of a Rival wou'd diſtract me ; and without Vanity I believe our Flames are equal. Cam. The Colonel's Pretenfions are ftill a Secret to your Brother? Conft. And ſtill muſt be ſo- for you are not unac- quainted with his Promiſe given to Sir Philip Gaylove-- with whom he contracted a Friendſhip in his Travels- He is perfectly recover'd of that Illneſs which detain'd him behind your Brother at the Hague, and is expected in a few Days; now judge, if I have not a difficult Game to play, Camilla? Cam. You have indeed, Conftantia; but whilſt I have Power to charm your Brother, you ſhall not want a Friend to fend that Blow-I never will be his, till thou art happy. Conft. I do believe thee; and were it not for thy in- dulging Kindneſs, my Brain had long been turn'd. Cam. What think you of informing your Brother of my Uncle's Proceedings; I fancy he wou'd rid you of his Lordship's Vifits. Conft. My Father ſtrictly forbad me to mention that Affair; he knows what Regard my Brother has always to his Word, and how far the Knowledge might tranſport him is uncertain; perhaps to an open Breach of Duty, without The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 265 without the leaſt Service to me; for were my Lord re- mov'd, what Defence have I againſt my Brother's Friend? Cam. What think you of marrying the Colonel pri- vately, and going to Spain or Flanders with him for a Campaign or two? Time makes all things eaſy—You have four thouſand Pounds that your Grand-father left you. Confl. But in my Father's Hands. Cam. Pho'! there may be Ways and Means found to get it out, my Life on't- Ha! here's your Brother. Conft. Belvil! Unlucky Minute, which way ſhall I ſee the Colonel? Enter Belvil. Cam. Fear not, I'll pick a Quarrel with him, and ſet him going- So, Sir, you are a Lover I hear! Bel. Cou'd that News be a Stranger to you, Madam, that are ſo nearly concern'd in it? Cam. Am I concern'd in your Paffion for Belinda! whom you 'fquir'd to the Maſquerade laft Night? Bel. Belinda! Pray who inform'd you that? Cam. Thoſe that knew ye both, in ſpite of your Dif- guiſe- I don't envy her Happineſs, I affure you; and wou'd adviſe you to pay your Court there now, for I am not at leiſure to receive your Viſit. Bel. You are mif-informed, upon my Word, Madam ; I neither waited on Belinda, nor faw the Maſquerade laſt Night. Čam. Your Judgment miſ-informs you, if you ima- gine I'm to be convinc'd by all that you can fay; and the beſt Excuſe that you can make, is to leave Room- -Per- haps I fhall take a Time to do you Juftice, without put- ting you to the expence of Oaths to clear yourſelf- go mind your Affignations. Enter Colonel Baſtion and Timothy. Bel. This Proceeding is very odd, Camilla-Ha, who have we here? A new Lover? I have it now! my Vifit was unfeaſonable--You miſtook, Madam, 'twas you that had Aſſignations- Confufions- Conft. What ſhall I do now? He is here. [To Camilla. Cam. I muſt carry it off-- -How now, Sir! who M are 266 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. are you, that comes fo boldly up without Notice? Who wou'd you ſpeak with? Tim. Hey day! Why, what, is the Woman bewitch'd? Baſt. With you, Madam What is the Meaning of this- Conftantia's Brother! mum! I muſt not ſeem to know my Love. [Afide. Cam. Colonel Baftion! you furpriz'd me, really I did not know you Tim. Theſe great Ladies have very ſhort Memories. Bel. Colonel, have you any private Buſineſs with this Lady? I am one of the civileſt Rivals you ever met with I'll retire into the next Room till you deliver it -But then muſt beg a Word with you myſelf. Baft. Sir, it is a Secret of no ſuch Importance I aſſure you, as you imagine—All the Affairs I have with this Lady may done in publick. Cam. Methinks you ufurp à Liberty, unbecoming a depending Lover; begone, and fee my Face no more. Conft. Nay, now Camilla, I muft interpofe! That Tafk's too hard to fuit my Brother's Love ·Tho' I wiſh him gone on any Terms. [Aide. Baſt. Madam, let me become a Mediator, perhaps my Buſineſs may relate to him as much as you. Const. What in the Name of Goodneſs is he about to ſay now? [Alide. Cam. Sure he won't tell him he is in Love with his Sifter! [Aide. Baſt. To-morrow I intend for Harwich, in order to embark for Flanders; if you have any Recommendations thither I fhall deliver them with Pleafure-Ha! Con- flantia changes Colour. Conft. For Flanders! oh! my Heart. [Afide. Bel. If this be all, I aſk your Pardon, Colonel, and ſhall give you the Trouble of a Letter to a Friend of mine in Lifle. Cam. And I, of one to my Brother, if you'll let your Servant call for it an Hour hence. Courage, Coufin, this is only a fudden Thought of the Colonel's to take off Bel- vil's Sufpicion. [Afide to Conftantia. Bel. In the mean time if you'll do me the Honour, Colonel, I'll diſpatch mine over a Bottle--I hope you'll 4 have The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 267 have a better Opinion of me, Madam, when I ſee you next. Cam. According to the Humour you find me in, Belvil. Baft. I'll follow you, Sir: Tim, wait for the Lady's Letter; and do you hear? befure you bring me Word how I fhall fee Conftantia again. [Afide to Tim. [Exit Baft. and Bel. Tim. A pox of this Letter for me, now fhan't I get one drop of the Wine. Pray, Madam, be a quick as you can, my Mafter will be very impatient. Conft. Does your Mafter really go for Flanders, Tim? Tim. Faith, I fear fo, Madam: But I have no Commif- fion to anſwer Queſtions; nor do I believe it poſſible to know my Maſter's Mind three Hours together; but if you have any Commands for him, Madam, I am your faithful humble Servant, to deliver 'em. But don't let me wait I beg you, Madam; for to tell you the truth, I ſhall forfeit a Bottle, if I meet not a Friend of mine here by in a quarter of an Hour. Conft. Well, not to detain you from your Friend, Tim, take this Key, and bid your Maſter meet me in the Gar- den half an Hour hence; and left your Bottle ſhou'd be in Danger——there is ſomething to defray the Expence. [Gives him Money. Tim. Good; I like a Perſon of a clear Underſtanding ; ſhe took the Hint--Madam, I fly to execute your Orders. [Exit. Conft. Now! if he ſhou'd be commanded away, Ca- milla? Cam. Why, were I in thy Place, Girl, I'd pluck up a Courage, pack up my Awls and march with him. SCENE changes to the outſide of a Garden in the Street. Enter Lord Richlove and Florella at ſeveral Doors. Flor. Is your Lordſhip alone? L. Rich. I am, Florella! what haft thou to tell me? Doft thou find Conftantia inclining to my Love? How did ſhe reliſh her Father's Propofal? Flor. As fick People do the News of Death. L. Rich. Ha? fay'ft thou? How did the treat me in my Abſence? M 2 258 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Abſence? Come, I know thou art her Confidant, and fhall tell me all. Flor. I have a very great Deference for your Lordſhip, and much Eſteem for my Lady-but my Lord, Self-in- tereſt governs the World; if I favour your Lordſhip I ſhall difoblige my Lady, and lofe my Place; Service is no Inheritance, my Lord- L. Rich. I underſtand you- and affure you whatever Diſcoveries you make to me ſhall turn to your Advantage; this to confirm it. [Gives her a Purſe. Flor. Ay, there's fome Senſe in this; who wou'd not ſpeak for a Man of Quality? that paultry Colonel never gave me above half a Guinea- Your Lordship is fo extremely good, that I declare I can refuſe you nothing; I wish my Lady wou'd ſay ſo, my Lord, but 'tis impoffi- ble, for ſhe hates you, and vow'd to me this Morning, as I was reading her a Lecture in praiſe of your Lordſhip, if there were never another Man in the Univerſe, ſhe'd die a Maid, and lead you know what, rny Lord, before ſhe'd wed you. L. Rich. Is her Averſion ſo ſtrong, ſay'ſt thou? perhaps ſhe loves elſewhere? Flor. I have nothing to ſay to that, my Lord; but if you pleaſe I can put you where you can inform yourſelf. L. Rich. If thou can't do that thou bindeft me ever thine. Flor. This Key opens the back Gate of our Garden, whither ſhe is juſt now gone. L. Rich. To meet her Lover, ha? Flor. I never anfwer Queſtions of this kind with my Tongue, my Lord. L. Rich. I conceive you, adieu. [Exit. Flor. I want only to ferve fome Favourite at Court to be a great Woman-twenty Pieces added to my Fortune ! this is no ill Evening's Work: What Advantages the Do- nor propoſes to himſelf, I neither know, nor care. have put them together, let them come off as they can.[Exit. SCENE the infide of the Garden. I Enter Colonel Baſtion, Conftantia,and Timothy at a distance. Conft. I am glad you had an Excufe fo ready before my Brother, or we had been undone; but that going for Flanders fav'd all--What will you do with this Letter? Baft. Deliver it, as I promiſed. 2 Const. The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 269 Conft. Deliver it! are you in earneſt? Muft I loſe you then fo foon ? Baſt. I fear you do not think it ſoon enough, Conftantia. Conft. What do you mean, Bastion? Why this Indiffe- rence? Has my too much Fondneſs made you cool, or have your Eyes ta'en in fome other Love, and now wou'd throw your Guilt on me? Baft. I wish you be not guilty-Oh, Conftantia, has thy Reaſon never call'd thy Choice in queftion, by repre- ſenting things above their Sphere? Will not the Pagean- try of Fortune abate thy Love to me, and make me feem unworthy of you ? Conft. He talks as if he knew my Lord's Defign. Why do you ſuſpect me? In what Action, fince our firſt Ac- quaintance, have I betray'd a Soul fo mercenary? Think you my Taſte's fo vitiated, that like common Wretches, I cou'd love for Gold? No, Love is a free-born Paffion of the Mind, not to be purchas'd at a fordid Price-Thoſe that can make their Bodies fubfervient to their Intereſt, were ne'er acquainted with that noble Paſſion, but like the Brutes fubmit to Nature's Call, unknowing of Love's mighty Excellence. Raft. Oh, thou haft clear'd my Doubts fo fully now, that no one Fear remains—Pardon my Jealouſies, fince they proceed from Love. Hark! what Noife is that? Conf. I hope my Brother has not miffed me, and come to feek me in the Garden -I'll ftep to the Parlour Door to avoid being furpriz'd; if all be fafe I'll return in a Mo- ment. [Exit.] [A Noife of a Key in a Door. Tim. Sir, Sir, Sir, afore George, there's a Key in the Door, we are certainly diſcover'd -and fhall be appre- hended for Thieves; a Pox take all Intriguing, I fay. Baſt. Peace, you cowardly Dog, or I'll cut your Throat. Tim. Look you there, now, when I am running the Danger of the Gallows for him, he'd cut my Throat for Satisfaction; the Devil wou'd not ferve one of theſe Traders in Blood. Enter Lord Richlove; Speaks as he enters. L. Rich. Wait you without. Baft. Ha! my Lord Richlove! Amazement! How came he by a Key too? Sure he had it not from her! M 3 [Re-enter. 270 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. [Re-enter Conftantia, miftaking the Lord for the Colonel, and runs into his Arms.] Conft. There's no Danger, my Life--but ſpeak low left they ſhould hear us, and our meeting be prevented for the future. Baft. What's that of meeting for the future? her Lover here. L. Rich. Oh Tranſport oh Extafy! my charming Angel-Humph, 'tis plain fhe loves--and did expect [Afide. Baft. Hell and Furies! in Raptures? Conft. My Lord Richlove! which way got your Lord- ſhip hither?- -Diſtraction, what ſhall I do now? L. Rich. Did not you expect me, Faireſt; Baft. Expect him! oh perfidious Woman! Conft. I expect you, Infolence! L. Rich. What! then I'm not the happy Man to whom you flew ! why do you tremble fo! oh let me dwell upon theſe Lips, whofe every Touch runs through my Heart with Pleaſure. Conft. What ſhall I fay? if I cry out my Baſtion will be found; were he away I'd make an Example of this Monſter. [Afide. Baft. She's conſcious of her Wrongs to me, and whiſ- pers out her Words, left I fhou'd hear her: Oh thou Ser- pent of thy kind! [Afide. L. Rich. Have I too fuddenly furpriz'd thee? Come, let's retire to this Alcove, where in my Arms thou fhalt recover Breath, and hear me tell how much I love thee. Conft. Away, my Lord, and leave the Garden, and force me not to examine by what Authority you treat me thus Baft. Now the exalts her Voice to blind my Rage, con- vey him hence, and fo deceive me on-but I can bear no more--Draw, my Lord, and give an injured Lover Satisfaction. [Draws. L. Rich. Draw! who are you, Sir? Conft. Ah! Heav'n defend my Baſtion! Ah! help, Murder! Baft. Thus I inform you. [Exit. [They fight. L. Rich. Thus I return it. Tim. Murder! Murder! Murder! [Tim draws and pushes against the Wall, and cries Murder all the while. Enter The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 271 Enter Footmen to the Lord at one Door, Sir Roger Merri- man, Belvil and Florella at the other. The Colonel dif- arms the Lord, and throws him his Sword. Baft. There's your Sword, my Lord--when next we meet preſerve it better-Come along, you timorous Raſcal. Tim. Ay, with all my Heart, Lights and Liver. [Exit. Bel. Murder cry'd in our Garden? L. Rich. Secure him, Slaves. Ift Foot. Secure who, my Lord? [To his Footmen. L. Rich. The Gentleman that fought me. 2d Foot. We fee nobody, my Lord--ho, yes, here he is. [Lays hold of Belvil. Bel. Villains hold off, or I'll ſtick fome of you. Sir Rog. What! my Son affaffinated by Ruffians? Within there! where are all my Servants? My Lord Rich- love! how came your Lordſhip here? Not a Word of your Love to my Daughter, my Lord. [Afide to Lord. Flor. If your Lordſhip diſcovers me I'm undone. [Afide to him. Bel. My Lord Richlove! and Murder cry'd! Where is my Sifter, Florella? Flor. In her Chamber, Sir. Bel. What Adventure brought your Lordship into our Garden? L. Rich. Now dare not I accuſe my Rival, left I betray myfelf- Why, Sir, coming by your Garden Wall here, I chanc'd to joftle a Gentleman that had got a Lady there it ſeems, who immediately lugg'd out upon me; the Place being narrow, I thought to clap my Back againſt the Wall, but happening upon the Garden Door, it suddenly gave way, and in I fell ſuppoſing he had kill'd me fled- -the -my Servants roar'd out Murder- my Antagoniſt Woman fhriek'd and I call'd out to ſecure him; which Noiſe I ſuppoſe brought you, Gentle- men. Flor. An admirable Story. Bel. This may be true; 'tis probable. [Afide. Afide. Sir Rog. I hope your Lordſhip has receiv'd no hurt. L. Rich. Not at all, Sir Roger- -Let me ſee you by and by at the Corner of the Street, Florella. [Afide to her. Flor. Depend upon it, my Lord. M 4 Sir Rog. 272 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Sir Rog. Will your Lordship pleaſe to walk into my Houſe, 'till the Street be clear? the Noife may have alarm'd the Neighbourhood. L. Rich. I'm engag'd to the Play, Sir Roger--you'll excuſe this Trouble which I have accidently given you: Gentlemen, I'm your humble Servant. [Exit. Sir Rog. I am glad your Lordſhip is fafe, the Trouble is nothing. Bel. I like not theſe Court Weafels fauntring about our Houſe, the Family is feldom lucky where they frequent. [Exit. Sir Rog. I fufpect his Lordſhip had another End in coming here, tho' I know not how he got into the Gar- den; my Daughter was the Cauſe- Oh that ftubborn Baggage, wou'd fhe but liften to his Love, fhe might make her Father a great Man. Beauty has many Fortunes made at Court, And many Title thanks a Woman for't. ACT II. SCENE I. SCENE the Street. Enter Lord Richlove and Le Front. [Exeunt. Le Front. ME Lody, den I ever faw your Lorſhip you be more dejected for dis for any Lady in me Life. L. Řich. Becauſe there is more Difficulty in obtaining this Lady than ever I met before--I am an honourable Lover now, Le Front, and a Slave to one that hates me. Le Front. How does your Lorſhip know ſhe hates you? Women are very cunning, me Lor, and when day fay day hate a, begar day love beft fometimes, me know dat very well. L. Rich. But I am convinced fhe loves another. Le Front. O de Divel! dat is another ting, mafoy. L. Rich. By the Help of her Maid, whom I expect here preſently, I got Admittance into her Garden, and fur- prized her with her Lover, but was fo unfortunate not to diſcover who he was-and tho' my Paffion is authorized by her Father, I foreſee ſhe never will be mine. Le Front. The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 273 Le Front. Me Lor, may I aſk you one Queſtion? vil nothing but Marriage cure your Love? have a you take a one Surfeit of Variety? and muſt a you take a de Courſe of Phyfick for Life, me Lor? ah! a Vife is one dam bitter Pill, dat vil never out a your Stomach 'till Death, begar. L. Rich. But Love makes that Bitter ſweet, Le Front. Le Fron. Love! begar, if your Lorſhip were one very poor Man I ſhou'd believe you- -becauſe de pavre Man is always very much in Love with de rich Lady-but de Gens de Quality-never, me Lor, never-day don't mind Cupid, begar their gran Figure fcorn the little ſneaking Baſtard. L. Rich. And the rich Ladies ſcorn poor men, I'm ſure. Le Front. Sometimes, me Lor, fometimes; but there be fome generous Ladies that like a de hanfome young Fellow very much. Me was very well once wid the rich Widow, me viſit her every Day, me ftay 'till one, two, three, four de Clock every Morning, me dance vid her, me fing vid her-me kifs her fo warn, ſo warn, ſo warnly, as me pleaſe begar, and me fwear me love her very much becauſe ſhe was very rich, me Lor, and ſhe loves a me very much too. L. Rich. How came you did not marry her then? Le Front. Ah dat was de ting, my Lor, begar ſhe no want Marriage- an de dam cunning Devil knew I wanted noting elſe L. Rich. Oh! you ſhou'd have ta’en an Opportunity to prove her Perſon was your only Aim. Le Front. Oh begar, me gave her Proofe enough of dat, ſhe let me do every thing begar me aſk-oh fhe lov'd to be tickled, my Lord, but fear'd to be expos'd into Marriage- ſhe lov'd a me Perfon dearly, dearly— -but begar fhe lov'd her Money better. She take one Chamber for me in her Houſe begar, to lye at Bed, and Board, but me wou'd not go mafoy, me love Marriage my Lor-me no love de Stallion, begar. Le Front. Even fo, my Lor-now had me been a your Lorſhip, me ſhou'd have had her vid a wet Finger begar; for de Men of Quality may have any Lady mafoy. L. Rich. You have a wrong Notion, as to all Women, Le Front; indeed a Woman can't be virtuous that gives a 18 VOL. II. Man 274 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Man fuch Encouragement as your Widow did you -for a virtuous Woman will not receive a ſecond Viſit from the Perſon ſhe has no deſign upon- Wou'd Conftantia give me fuch Liberty, I wou'd not fear Poffeffion one way or other. Le Front. Nor need you yet, me Lor, if Poſſeſſion will do your Buſineſs- L. Rich. What ſay'ſt thou ? -me Lor Le Front. Mony, my Lor, Mony, vill do all Tings. L. Rich. Away Fool, ſhe wants it not. Le Front. But her Maid- her Maid ah! how many pritty Tings de Maid can do-ſhe can put a your Lordfhip into the Bed-chamber of her Miſtreſs, and hide a you there 'till Midnight; then you cou'd creep a ſoſtly, ſoftly, foftly to de Bed-fide, lift a de Cloaths gently, gently, gently, ſteal into de Bed filently, take a de Lady in your Arms tenderly, and when your Lorſhip have her there l'affair & fait, begar, ha, ha ! L. Rich Ha! the bare Imagination gives me Pleaſure ; thou haft inſpir'd me with a Way to revenge myſelf of her Difdain. Welcome Dear- Enter Florella. Florella, in thee lies my Hopes: Thou canſt inform me who is the happy Man: I prithee let me know my Rival. Flor. To what End, my Lord? L. Rich. Leave that to me. Flor. You muſt pardon me there, my Lord, I'll do any that wears no Face of Guilt, becauſe I ſee your Lordſhip can carry a thing off at a Pinch- -but won't abſolutely betray the Secrets of my Lady neither; in ſhort, my Lord, the Knowledge won't advance your Suit, and he may have a Chance for his Life as well as you Let this fuffice, he is no Coward- foe Fighting is Meat, Drink and Cloaths to him, therefore think if I can ſerve you any other Way, my Lord. L. Rich. Yes, one way thou canft- If thoul't convey me privately into Conftantia's Bed-chamber to-night. Flor. Into her Bed-chamber, my Lord! I fear your Deſign mayn't be honourable- -and I wou'd not have a Hand in my Lady's Ruin for the World. L. Rich. Nor wou'd I attempt it-my only Reaſon for it The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 275 -Come it is, that there I might have an opportunity to declare my Mind, and Prudence will oblige her to hear me left the malicious Word reflect upon her Conduct- you fhall do this. [Putting a Ring upon her Finger. Flor. I think your Lordship has laid a Spell upon me, I have no Power to deny whatever you aſk me. An Hour hence expect me here, my Lord. L. Rich. I will. Flor. Odd methinks my Finger becomes a Diamond Ring as well as my Lady's. [Exit. L. Rich. Now Love's great Goddeſs ſmile upon my Deſign, And all the Glory of Succeſs be thine. [Exit. SCENE changes to Camilla's Houſe. Enter Camilla and Conſtantia. Cam. Which way got his Lordſhip into the Garden? Conft. Nay, Heaven knows, nor how the Colonel made his Eſcape, or if he lives; oh I dread your Maid's Re- turn. Cam. Lives! I warrant him, or we had feen Timothy ere this. Enter Maid. Maid. The Colonel will wait on you immediately, Madam. Cam. Very well; wait without to receive him. [Exit Maid, and re-enter.] Maid. Madam, your Couſin Belvil's coming up. Conft. What ſhall I do now? Cam. Here, here, ſtep into this Cloſet, I'll find ſome Pretence to get him away. [Exit Conftantia into the Clofet. Enter Belvil. Bel. What the Devil did this Wench run back so faft at Sight of me for?-Ha! fure I faw fomebody whip into that Cloſet--Well, Camilla, what Humour is your Ladyship in at prefent? Difpos'd to be angry ſtill, or how? Cam. No, I think I have a mind to be pleas'd, Couſin, if you don't croſs it; nay, I am in fo good an Humour, that I could find in my Heart to aſk your Pardon for my laft Quarrel with you. Bel. 276 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Bel. So, now fhe's upon the wheedle- There is cer- tainly ſomebody in that Cloſet-Prithee what Reaſon had you for that unjuſt Accuſation, Camilla? Cam. My dear inquifitive Lover, be not too curious to pry into the Reaſons of Women- -We have either too many for your Knowledge, or too few for your Quiet; you ſhould never think us in the wrong before Marriage, tho' we ſeldom think you in the right after it. Bel. A frank Confeffion; but my Humour is just the Reverſe, I can fee every fault in a Miſtreſs, but none in a Wife. Cam. That is, you won't think a Wife's Actions worth Regard. The first Month takes off the Sting of your Appetite, and ever after you become a mere Drone. Bel. Prithee try me, Camilla, and from Experience ad- moniſh your Sex, and don't let falſe Notions prevail to the Prejudice of ours. Cam. I'll confider on't; come, fhall we take a turn in the Garden? you promis'd to teach me the laſt new Song. Bel. I'll go into your Cloſet, and write it down for you. Cam. No, no, no, no, you muſt not go into the Cloſet. Bel. Why fo? have you a Spark there? Cam. Look ye there now, you will be aſking Queſtions; upon Honour there is no Male thing in that Cloſet; will that suffice? Bel. Then why am I forbid to enter? Cam. Nay, if you doubt what I fay, you'll give me Cauſe to fufpect your Love: There's the Key, fatisfy your your Curiofity; but from this Moment depend upon it, my Houſe ſhall never receive you as a Lover more; then take you Choice, the Cloſet without me, or me without the Cloſet. Bel. Too well you know your Power, Camilla! I'll wait on you to the Garden. Cam. So, now I like you; learn to be tractable, and then one may endure you for a Huſband. [Exeunt. [Conftantia comes out of the Clofet. Conft. I'm glad he's gone, my Heart went pit-a-pat when the offer'd him the Key. Enter Colonel Baſtion. My dear Bastion! my heart has a thouſand fears for thee, Baftt. 1 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 277 i Baft. For my Lord Richlove you mean, Madam; I had the Advantage, but ſpared him for your fake, ſince I cou'd not pierce his Breaſt without wounding yours. Conft. How ill does this Language become a Lover's Mouth? Baft. And how ill does your Carriage become a virtu- ous Woman? 'Sdeath, could you not be content to receive his Viſits in private, but you muſt make me Spectator of your Treachery? Muft you triumph to gratify your Pride? Conft. I fcorn your Accufations ſince you can en- tertain a Thought to the Prejudice of my Virtue, you are unworthy of my Juftification. Baft. I ſhall not put you to the Trouble of an Excuſe, Madam. Laying it upon the Careleffneſs of Servants leav- ing open the Door, and his ftumbling that Way by Ac- cident, wou'd be to no Purpoſe, becauſe I know he had the fame Paſſport with myſelf, a Key; and who ſhou'd give it him but you? and at fuch a Juncture too, you tim'd it to a Minute. Conft. Ha! a Key, which way got he a Key?-Un- grateful; have I refus'd that Lord you mention, when by my Father's ftrict Commands preferr'd! and ran the Hazard of a Parent's Hate for thee? for thee that dares upbraid me thus ?——————but thou haft cur'd my Folly; yes, I will tear thee from my Heart, and throw thee as a worth- leſs Trifle by; but I owe ſo much to my Fame, to clear thy grofs Miſtake how my Lord came by that Key-I know not, nor of his coming to the Garden; or if I e'er admitted one Thought, that could be favourable to his Love, may foul Contagion feize me; but what your Ufage may in- ſpire me with, Time will produce, for from this Hour I'll never Baft. [Falling on his Knees.] Oh hold, I conjure thee; keep back that hafty Refolution, my charming Angel; forgive the Exceſs of faithful Love. My abject Fortune when compar'd with his, wak'd a thouſand racking Cares; and Fear of lofing what my Soul adores, tranſported me to Madneſs; pardon me now, and if I e'er offend again- Conſt. I muſt again forgive you, is it not fo? Why do'ft thou ſtudy to deſtroy my Quiet? Is Jealouſy ſo requifite to prove we love? No fure: Love is a foft and gentle Joy, and 278 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. and ſhou'd be fondled like a tender Infant; the rude furly Gufts of Paſſion, like Eaſtern Winds, deſtroy it in the Bud. Baft. Have I not Reafon for my Fears, Conftantia? when thy Father and thy Brother are both againſt me? Conft. No, not if all the World combin'd, whilſt thou haft me. Baſt. Thou matchlefs Woman, how fhall I requite thee? Life will be too ſhort to do it. But when wilt thou com- pleat my Joys, and give thy Perſon with thy Heart? Con- ftantia, I dread the Arrival of thy Brother's Friend; not that I fear thy Change- but he will importune thee, thy Father will command thee, and 'twill be difficult to find Objections againſt both; but when we are marry'd, and all Arguments fail to rid thee of his Sollicitations, that Diſcovery ſets thee free at once. Conft. Have Patience but a while, my Love; I wou'd not do an Act of fuch Importance without my Father's Confent, if poffible. Baft. How doft thou hope to gain it? Conft. That I muſt think of. Baft. But then thy Brother! Conft. His Love to Camilla will befriend us there; ſhe's ours you know, and will ſcruple nothing for our Intereſt. Baft. She is indeed a generous Friend; cou'd ſhe not change your Brother's Purpoſe? Conft. She has not attempted it, and the Reaſon ſhe gives for it is, fhou'd he ſuſpect her to favour any private Inclination of mine, he wou'd certainly prevail with my Father to fend me into the Country; which wou'd not only entirely prevent her being ſerviceable to us, but infallibly force me into the Arms of his Friend: For tho' my Fa- ther's Pride inclines to my Lord, yet his Tenderneſs to my Brother wou'd not fuffer him to contradict his Purpoſe. Baſt. Do not defer my Happineſs, Conftantia- be Father, Brother, Huſband to thee; if thy Love does equal thy Expreffions, what fhou'd deter thee from my Arms? True Love requires fmall Subfiftence, our Con- ſtancy ſhall brave all Turns of Fate, and ſpight of Malice we will blefs each other. -I'll Conft. Duty commands me to try the gentleſt Way; wou'd avoid all Violence with a Father: but this be cer- tain of, my Love; not even he ſhall alter my Reſolves, or The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 279 or bribe me to forego my Baſtion; let him diſpoſe of al his hoarded Wealth, that which my Uncle left me muſt be mine, and that with Love will be fufficient for us. If abandon'd by Friends in England, then we will feek for more in foreign Nations. Whilft I have thee, I never ſhall repine, or wiſh for ought beyond thy Power to give. Baft. And my Ambition's bounded in theſe Arms, Every good that Nature can beſtow And every Charm is center'd fure in thee. This ſingle Room to me contains all Joy, 'Tis the wide World, and all I wiſh is here. [Embracing her. Camilla's Maid within,] Who's that gone up Stairs? Bel. within.] 'Tis I, I dropt one of my Gloves above. Conſ. Ah Heaven, I hear my Brother's Voice—if I am ſeen with thee we are ruin'd-Which Way ſhall I avoid him? Baft. Ha! what ſhall we do?-humph! I have it; give me your Maſk, and go you down the Back Way, leave me to make my own Retreat. [Exit Conſtantia. He puts on the Maſk. Enter Belvil. Bel. Now for the Cloſet! Ha! 'Sdeath what Woman's that, that with ſuch Care avoids me? it muſt be ſure my Sifter -ha, a Man too, nay then 'tis paſt a Doubt,- and Camilla muft be privy to their Meeting; 'Sdeath, am I impos'd upon? But I will be ſatisfied. [Going, and Baſtion turns quick upon him. Bafl. No Paffage this Way, Sir. Bel. Mafk'd! What are you, Sir? Some Ruffian come to rob the Houſe, ha? I muſt and will paſs this Way. Baſt. You neither muſt nor fhall, Sir, if you go to that. Bel. 'Sdeath, Sir, unmaſk and tell me ſo; I'll not diſ- pute it with a Villain. Balt. I am no Villain, Sir, yet ſhan't unmaſk, for ſome private Reaſons; but if you'll fufpend your Curioſity and retire, you ſhall have the Satisfaction of a Gentleman to- morrow where you pleaſe. [Draws. [Draws and drives Bel. Damn to-morrow, this to thy Heart. Baft. That's your Miſtake, Sir. him out. Enter 280 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Enter Camilla and Maid. Cam. You heedlefs Slut, why did you let him go up Stairs? Maid. He was half Way up before I heard him, Madam. Cam. Ha! what Noife is that? Sure I heard the Glaſhing of Swords—I hope he did not meet the Colo- nel and Conftantia-Again! bleſs me, my Heart trem- bles as if my Life were going; if I fhou'd affift their Loves till I deſtroy my own now. Within there, fly and part 'em. Enter Servant. Serv. Part who, Madam? Cam. Any body you find engag'd. [The Servants cry Murder without. Ha! Murder! what fhall I do! Enter Colonel Baſtion. Colonel, is it you? What's the Matter? Baſt. I have not Time to tell you, Madam, but I beg you'd hide me ſomewhere, or 'tis impoffible to eſcape Bel- vil's Knowledge. Cam. Here, here, ftep thro' this Door into Conftantia's Apartment, till the Hurry be over. [Exit Baftion. Enter Belvil. What Noiſe of Murder's that, Belvil? You have not kill'd any body, have you? Bel. I ſuppoſe you know to the contrary, Madam; for if my Sight deceive me not, the Spark return'd into your Houſe. Cam. What Spark do you mean? I fear he has disco- ver'd poor Conſtantia. [Afide. Bel. Had not your Servants interpos'd, I ſhou'd have ſpoil'd his making Love for a Month perhaps; but if I find him- [Searches about. Cam. Find who? Bel. Ay, that's what I want, I wou'd know who he is. Cam. Nay if you are ignorant of that, all's ſafe- This fiery Temper of yours, Belvil, is an excellent Quali- fication for a Huſband; are you jealous of every Man you meet? What Infolence is this? Muft my Houſe be fearch'd whenever you pleaſe? I am my own Miſtreſs, I hope, before Marriage, 'tis enough for you to lord it after. Bel The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 281 Bel. I ſcorn to inſult an Enemy, much leſs a Miſtreſs; but where my Honour is concern'd, give me Leave to be as careful as I can. Cam. Your Honour! What mean you? Can you ſuſpect me of any Deſign again your Honour? Bel. Oh Camilla! thou'rt no Stranger to my Mean- ing; tell me, what cloſe Deſign does my Siſter drive in your Houfe? for I am certain it was Conftantia that you conceal'd within that Cloſet, and whoever this Fellow is, was with her: Confufion! fhall an obfcure Rafcal pri- vately ſupplant my Friend, to whom my Word has pafs'd? No, if ſhe refuſe my Choice, by Hell fhe ne'er fhall marry. Cam. How! Belvil? wou'd you preſume to preſcribe your Sifter's Fate, and wreft the Power of Heaven's De- cree? tho' I know nothing of Conftantia's Mind, I dare believe ſhe ſcorns your baſe Deſcription, ſhe'll never wed below her Birth. Bel. Then fhe does love it ſeems! and you are in the Secret! fay, who is this mighty Gentleman? Cam. You are mad yourſelf, and would have others ſo; becauſe I won't believe ſhe loves below herſelf, does it therefore follow that ſhe muſt love indeed? I tell you again that I know nothing of her; the Lady you faw was another Friend of mine, and fhe was undrefs'd, and beg'd ſhe might not be seen, which was the Reafon of her running into the Clofet; the Gentleman was a Stranger to me. Bel. Methinks this founds juſt like Invention, but I love too well to break with her, and fhe's but too fenfible of that. [Aſide.] Well, I will enquire no farther— 'Sdeath, but the Maſk- Why was he maſk'd? Cam. Maſk'd! was he maſk'd, say you? doubtleſs he has had his Reaſons for it; every Man to his Way, you know. Bel. If his Way lies not towards my Siſter, Succeſs to him; if it does, let him look to'it. Cam. Envy'd Lovers often thrive the beſt : Let Men pursue their strictest jealous Care, We Women ſtill can match'em to a Hair. [Exeunt. ACT 282 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. ACT III. SCENE I. SCENE Conftantia's Apartment. Enter Colonel Baftion. Bajthat I cannot poſſibly get out; and if Camilla ERE are ſo many People about the Houſe, fhou'd have no Opportunity to apprize Conftantia of my being here, ſhe may be frighted: Ha! I hear ſomebody coming this Way, I'll ſtep aſide and liſten, perhaps it may be ſhe. [Exit between the Scenes. Enter Florella and Lord Richlove. Flor. Softly, my Lord. Baft. peeping.] My Lord! What do I hear? Flor. The next is my Lady's Bed-chamber- be ſure to be civil- Baſt. Damnation— -her Bed-chamber ! L. Rich. Oh! you may depend upon that, Child. There Florella. Baft. Florella! ha! -you'll [Gives her Money. [Exit. L. Rich. Go, go, go, wiſh me Succefs, Wench. Flor. That I do with all my Heart, my Lord- Well, am not I a Jade now, to put a Man into my Lady's Bedchamber without her Knowledge? But ſhould not I be a Fool to refuſe a Diamond Ring and two Broad- pieces? ay certainly I have only drawn the Wine, ſhe may chufe to drink- -beſides 'tis a Way to exerciſe her Virtue-nobody can boaft of Honefty till they are try'd I once thought myſelf Proof againſt Temptation, but the dear, bewitching Gold has caught me; and the beſt Way to reconcile it to my Conſcience, is, not to be too inquifitive into the Reafons by which I riſe. [Exit. [Colonel Baftion comes forward. Baſt. 'Sdeath, introduc'd by her Maid; Hell and Fu- ries, it cannot, furely, be by her Command; no, I dream, and this is an Illufion; Conftantia's mine, wholly mine, chafte as the new-born Day, or Buds of Roſes, ere the Winds have kiſs'd'em; this muſt be Treachery, the Maid's corrupted- -Why did I not ſeize and drag her to Con- ftantia? Hold, that might have furniſh'd her with an Ex- cuſe, and help'd to deceive myſelf-for ſhe may be false ? Who The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 283 -Here will I [Enter Con- Who can judge the Heart of Woman? ftay and wait the Event; Ha! fhe comes. stantia [with a Candle.] I tremble leſt ſhe ſhould be guilty. [Exit. -Pray Conft. I admire I hear not from my Coufin- Heaven he be well, and 'fcap'd unfeen by Belvil. O Re- pose! that Stranger to the Breafts of Lovers, when wilt thou return to bleſs me? An unuſual Heavinefs fits on my Spirits, as if fome mighty Danger threatened me- If Baftion's fafe, I care not what it be, for nought has Pow- er to fhock my Soul wherein he's not concern'd- Ca- milla promis'd to paſs the Evening with me, I wiſh ſhe'd come, I'll go into my Chamber, and read fomething in Cowley. [Exit.] [Baftion comes forward. Baft. She's gone: Now hold my Heart, and let my Ears inform me : If Innocent, in her Defence I'll draw; If not, my own Revenge ſhall be my Law. [Exit. SCENE draws, and diſcovers Conftantia reading: Lord Richlove enters foftly behind her. Confl. reads.] I try'd if Books cou'd cure my Love, but found, Love made 'em Nonſenſe all- L. Rich. reads over her Shoulder.] I apply'd Receipts of Buſineſs to my Wound, but ſtirring did the Pain recal Conſt. Bleſs me who are you? [Rifing up. L. Rich. One that adores the fair Conflantia. Conſt. Aſtoniſning! my Lord Richlove in my Chamber? How got your Lordſhip Admittance here? L. Rich. Love, Love, my Charmer; I find you know his Power, therefore cannot be ſurpriz'd at this Liberty. Conft. Infolence! Does this Action become a Man of Honour, my Lord? Leave me inſtantly—I command you. L. Rich. This Action becomes a Lover, Madam, and he that loves like me, is unable to quit the Object of his Wiſhes- -Thus low, upon my Knees, I aſk your Par- don, for intruding on Privacies, and beg you'd favourably hear what I have to offer. Conft. Your Proceeding wears fo ill a Face my Lord, you cannot hope, with Favour, to be heard Coming like a Thief upon me, is not the fure Way. L. Rich. The only Way I cou'd think of Madam, to offer 284 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. offer you a Heart entirely devoted to your Service; and with it all that I am Maſter of; fo well I love, you ſhall be Miſtreſs of myſelf and Fortune. Conft. I thank your Lordſhip -But that you may not be deceiv'd, obſerve me well- Were you Maſter of the ſpacious Globe, and at your Feet the trembling World bow'd down, I ſhould contemn all Offers you cou'd make, and with the fame Coldneſs hear your Tale of Love. I'm not difpos'd to marry. L. Rch. How! not difpos'd to marry? Is there then a happy Man to whofe Arms you'd fly without it? I can diſpenſe with Ceremony too, and be content to ſhare with him your Favours. [Approaching her. Conft. What mean you, my Lord? L. Řch. What did you mean, Madam, when you flew into my Bofom in the Garden to-night? You did not deſign that kind Embrace for me. [Lays hold of her. Conft. Stand off! and touch me not- The Man that I miſtook thee for, (for now I own to love) holds more Virtues than all thy Anceſtors could boaſt; and were he he here, you durft not thus affront me. L. Rich. Durft not- By all the Injuries of flighted Love, I would enjoy thee even before his Face. Nay, ftruggle not, proud Beauty. Enter Baftion. Baft. By Heaven ſhe's ſpotlefs! Oh my kind Stars! This was a lucky Opportunity. Conft. Help, a Rape! a Rape! [Struggles with him. Baft. Raviſher let go the Lady. and take thy juft Re- ward from me. Conft. Baftion here. [Draws. [Accidentally throws down the Candle. L. Rich. Who are you, Sir, that dare to interfere with my Concerns? [Draws.] I am glad the Light's out, my Buſineſs is not to fight here, but make my Eſcape if poſ- fible- Baft. I anſwer Queſtions thus, Sir; where are you? Conft. Ah, Murder! Murder !--Defend my Love, ye Powers! [Enter. The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 285 Enter Camilla, with a Candle. L. Rich. Ha! a Candle! If yon are a Gentleman, meet me in the Street immediately, and there I'll give you Sa- tisfaction. Baft. I'll follow you- Conft. Not for the Univerſe- [Exit. [Going. [Stops him. Cam. What's the Matter here? Was not that my Lord? Conft. It was- -Ha! the whole Houfe is alarm'd, what ſhall I do? If Baflion's found I am undone. Cam. Here, here, Colonel; this Door, you know, fe- cures your Retreat into my Houfe- Conft. As you prize my Life, do not follow him; an Hour hence I'll quit this Houſe, and thro' Camilla's meet thee; be ready to receive me. Baft. Be certain of it; till when, thou Charmer of my Soul, farwel. Enter Sir Roger, Belvil, and Servants. Sir Rog. What's the matter, Daughter? Bel. Did I not hear Murder cry'd, Conftantia? [Exit. Cam. Yes; and had you been a little quicker, might have ſeen the Cauſe; by what Contrivance I know not, but my Lord Richlove was here in your Sifter's Chamber. Bel. My Lord Richlove in my Sifter's Chamber! Conft. And with foul Intentions too- Oh Sir, if you eſteem me as a Siſter, or you, Sir, as a Child of yours, re- lieve me from his Brutal Paffion. Sir Rog. Brutal Paffion! you amaze me, I am ſure he told me his Love was honourable. Bel. Told you, Sir? Why has he declar'd his Love to you? Sir Rog. Why, yes, Belvil, I must confefs he did aſk my leave to court her-And I cou'd not refuſe a Man of his Birth and Fortune rudely. But if ſhe Bel. 'Sdeath! then you encourag'd him! Sir Rog. Not abfolutely encourag'd him- cou'd have lik'd him- -He's a Lord, you know! Bel, Damn his Title- Conft. But lefs honourable than a Footman; he drag'd me round the Room, and vow'd Revenge upon my Vir- tue; my Cries brought Camilla to my Aid, at fight of whom 286 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. whom he fled, or Heaven knows what I had fuffer'd from his Violence. Sir Rog. Say'ft thou fo! 'Od I'll baniſh him my Houſe. Bel. Confufion! banifh him the Houſe! I'll baniſh him the World, if I can meet him. [Exit. Sir Rog. And I'll ſend him Word fo this Moment- Attempt the Honour of my Daughter! [Exit. Cam. Belvil, methinks, left the Room abruptly; I wiſh Conft. I hope he will not find him the Confequence prove not fatal. Cam. Pray Heav'n he may not. Which way got my Lord in, think ye? Conft. I cannot gueſs- came to my Relief. Nor by what Miracle Baflion Cam. I can unriddle that part, I let him in thro' the lit- tle Door, to avoid Belvil's feeing him- You'll excufe me, dear Conſtantia, I am under ſome uneaſineſs for Bel- vil, and muſt endeavour to clear my Sufpicion. [Exit. Conft. Succefs attend thee--Here is no Safety left for me, I'll take Security in my Baftion's Arms. His conftant Heart ſhall all my Fears remove, And now my Duty ſhall give place to Love. SCENE changes to the Street. Enter Timothy. [Exit, Tim. What a curfed fhambling Life is this of a Foot- man? Faith I think thoſe honeft Gentlemen perfectly in the right that have forfworn the Livery, and ſet up their Coaches E'gad my Legs are fall'n away to Catſticks -I was forc'd to have the Waiſt-band of my Breeches taken in a Quarter of a Yard--Sure Love is catching, for I am grown a mere Skeleton, and in a few Days more I ſhall be taken for my Maſter— 'Tis a little hard tho', when I ſay I want my Dinner, he replies, I have no Sto- mach yet -and when I fay I am dry-he fays, there is Tea in the Pot, drink that, 'twill quench your Thirſt -and when I am ſo ſleepy I can't ftand, he fends me upon the Scout- -Here I'm to watch the opening of that Door-for it ſeems this Night he is to carry off his Miſtreſs- -Wou'd he had her once, for this curfed Life is very contrary to my Appetite-Suppofe now I ſhou'd be catch'd The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 287 catch'd by fome of the Family-and have my Noſe cut off- or any of the Neighbours fhou'd obferve me ſaun- tering about here, and miſtake me for a Thief, and fend me to Newgate- or fome drunken Fellow ftumble up- on me, and break my Bones Od, methinks, I feel a Cudgel about my Ears already. Enter Le Front. Front. My Lord bid me watch dis Door for a Shentle- man's coming out, begar me believe it is ſome Rival- Tim. [Seeing him.] Ah! one, two, three, four, five, fix, ſeven, eight, nine, ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, a hundred- -oh, oh. oh. Front. Vat de Divel Noiſe is dat? I fee nobody but my- ſelf, maſoy- Tim. Humph, ha,—I was miſtaken, I think I ſee but one -I hope he's a Chriftian-I have a good mind to ſpeak to him I'll give him wondrous good Words-Pray, fweet Sir, do you want any thing hereabouts? Front. Ha! vat de Divil is dat to you? Tim. Nay, don't be angry, gentle Sir, I, I, I, I, aſk you for no harm, indeed not Í. Front. You aſk me for no Harm, begar you be in im- pertinent Fellow, to aſk me vat I do want; ſuppoſe I do want nothing, vat den, ha! Tim. Why, if you have no very great Buſineſs, Sir, I fhou'd be extremely oblig'd to you, if you wou'd do me the Favour to quit this Street, Sir, becauſe I have fome fmall Affairs here- not of my own, I affure you, if they were, you fhou'd command me, but they are my Maſter's; now, Servants you know, Sir, muſt obey Orders. Front. Now you must know, Sir, I have Buſineſs of my Maſter's too, therefore muft ftay, Sir; and if you will take my Advice, go yourself- -begone- -run- Tim. Gently, good Sir, gently I cannot run, for I am lame of one Leg. Front. Dis Fellow is one dam Coward, mafoy- -Me vill exalt a me Voice. [Afide.] Mortblue, me vill make a you lame of de toder Leg too, if you don't leave dis Street preſently- Tim. I do intend to leave the Street, Sir, for I cannot carry it away upon my Shoulders. Front. 288 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Front. A pox take a your Pun, I hate a your dam Scoun- drel Wit begar. Tim. Why, Sir, with Submffion, you are but a Ser- vant yourſelf; you told me fo juſt now. Front. A Servant! begar me be de Gentleman to you -Me be de French Valet de Chambre to one Lord, and you be one Skipkennel mafoy in de Livery; the French- man ſcorn de Livery, as much as the Iriſh do de Trade. Tim. 'Egad I'll try the Courage of this French Son of a Kickſhaw-maybe he loves Fighting no more than I do, and if the worſt comes to the worſt, that the Dog fhou'd be ftout, I can but run away at laſt. [Afide.] Front. Garfoons, why don't a you go, Sir?What be you ftuding for, ha! Fripone? Tim. I am thinking, Sir, that a French Valet makes the beſt Pimp in the World. Front. Pimp! Pimp a yourſelf begar-de French a Man never pimp -No, he taſte always- Parblue, de Engliſh Lady be tout jour at de Frenchman's Service. Tim. I thought it was ſomething, indeed, that ſcatter'd the Pox about fo plentifully- Are not you a Surgeon too, Monfieur Ragout? Front. Yes, Sir, every Frenchman is by Nature a Sur- geon, Barber, and Dancing-mafter mafoy. [Cuts a Caper. Tim. A Dancing-maſter, Ha! ha, ha, I thought as much, for I have feen you Countrymen caper away be- fore the Allies many a time; and hark ye, Monfieur, if yon don't march off, I fhall play you fuch an Engliſh Cou- rant, of flap-dafh, preſently, that ſhan't out of your Ears this Twelvemonth. Faith he's as great a Coward as I am; I'll keep my Ground, if I can, till my Maſter comes. [Afide. Front. You play me a slap-daſh! Begar you had beſt be civil- -Jerniblue, 'tis like a your Engliſh a Faſhion- talk of the ſlap-daſh to de Gentleman- Tim. A Gentleman! How dare that Gentleman talk faucily to another Gentleman, better than himſelf? Front. Oh parblue! a Gentleman Footman ! Tim. Sirrah, there are Gentlemen Footmen in my Coun- try, that keep fuch Scoundrels as you to wipe their Shoes and I have a good mind to rip up your Paunch, and make a Fricafy of your Puddings, ye Dog. Front. The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 289 Front. Begar me was miſtaken in dis Fellow; I muſt give him good Words, mafoy, or de Engliſh Beife and Pudin will be in my Guts, begar. Enter Lord Richlove. [Afide. L. Rich. Who are you talking with, Le Front? Front. Ah! parblue, your Lorſhip come a propos. Tim. So here will be no ſtaying for me I find: Who the Devil is this Lord? Front. Here be one loufie Footman dat will ſtay here in fpight of my Teeth, mafoy. Tim. A nitty Son of a Whore, who does he call loufy? this Dog wou'd have murder'd me now— -What fhall I do? If I ftay not, my Mafter will beat me; and if I do ſtay, this Lord will cut my Throat. [Afide. L. Rich. Hark'e Sirrah, who are you, that you won't leave this Place? Tim. Who! I not leave this Place, Sir! I'll leave it with all my Blood, Sir, this Minute; the Devil watch for Timothy. [Exit running. Front. Begar me be very glad he is gone. [Afide. L. Rich. Well, have you ſeen anybody come out of this Houſe, Le Front? Front. Not one Soul me Lor-but me Lor—have a you fa la la la [Sings a Minuet] dance a de Minuet vid de Lady, me Lor? you underſtand me. L. Rich. No, I was prevented; I believe by the Man I faw in the Garden. Front. Did not your Lordſhip kill him? L. Rich. No, 'tis him I expect here. Front. Why, where did your Lordſhip leave him. L. Rich. In her Chamber. Front. Ha, ha, ha! a very good Jeſt mafoy, me war- rant he is better employ'd, dan to come to fa, fa, wid your Lordship -he will have de duel vid de Lady firſt parblue- -me Lor, take a my Advice, make uſe of de Stratagem, fight like de King of France, politickly; and when he comes out, let your Lordship's Footmen ſeize him, and make a one Eunuch of him to fupply Valentini's Place in de Opera me Lor, begar dat vill revenge your Lordſhip very well. L. Rich. Away, Blockhead! I fcorn to take Advan- 19 VOL. II. N tage 290 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. tage of him-If he's a Gentleman he ſhall have fair Play for his Life, therefore begone and leave me, I hear fomebody coming; I'll obferve. [Exit between the Scenes. Front. Vid all my Heart mafoy, me no love Fighting fince Wounds were in Faſhion, de Devil rides Poft upon de English Sword, quite thro' de Frenchman's Body, begar. [Exit. Enter Colonel Baftion. Baft. I left my Man hereabouts; where can he be? Tim, Tim,- -he's either gone to ſtuff his Guts now, or fallen faſt aſleep-fure Conftantia's not come out. L. Rich. [Peeping.] Who can this be? he ſeems as if he waited here for fomebody; perhaps 'tis he I want. Baft. What's that? Sure I heard a Noiſe; Tim, hiſt, Tim; where are you, Sirrah? L. Rich. Ha! I'll anfwer to the Call, and try what I can diſcover-Here, Sir, here. Baft. Here, you Rafcal! where have you been lurking? Have you feen Conftantia, Sirrah? L. Rich. No, Sir, nobody has appear'd yet-'Sdeath, Conftaatia! it muſt be him. Baft. Have a Coach ready at the Corner of the Street to convey her hence, and then you may ſleep to Eternity, Sirrah. L. Rich. To convey her hence! Lucky Diſcovery; I may ſpoil your Deſign perhaps. Conftantia above in the Balcony.] Hift, hift, are you there my Love ? L. Rich. and Baft. together.] Yes my Angel, make haſte, I'm ready to receive thee. Conft. I come, I come. [Exit. Baft. How now, Sancebox; who bid you anſwer? L. Rich. He that dares return your Saucebox; Villain, have I caught you. [Lays hold on Baſtion. Baft. Are you there, my Lord ?—I am ready for you; tho' I wish you had ta'en another Time. [Flings from him. L. Rich. So do I, becauſe now I wait to carry hence Conftantia; you heard her ſay ſhe was coming. Baft. But not to you; have at you, the Juftice of my Cauſe ſhall light my Sword to find a Raviſher's Heart. 4 [Draws. L. Rich. The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 291 L. Rich. And Love fhall guide my Arm to diſappoint thy Joys. Baft. Come on, I am not uſed to fear. Enter Le Front. [Draws. [They fight of. Front. Sa, fa, fa, fa, me no like a dat Mufick: If my Lor fhould kill a dat Gentleman now- -why den far him well-but if dat Gentleman fhou'd kill a me Lor, why if me had his Eſtate, he might go to de Devil, begar. Enter Conftantia. Conft. Where are you, my Life? Front. Ha! what's dat? de Lady call me her Life, ſhe take a me for ſomebody- parblue, and ſhe ſhall find a me ſomebody too; de French a Man be very good for de Lady. Conft. Where are you, my Dear? Front. Here, here, my Dear. [Groping about. [Softly. She runs into his Arms, he kiſſes her eagerly. begar ſhe kiſs a purely. Conf. Now we'll part no more. Front. No more? dat is too long mafoy; me pleaſe a you for one, two, tree Hours very well-but for ever!- Me beg a your Pardon for dat, Madam. Conft. [Flings from him.] Ah! who are you, Sir? Front. Me be one very pretty Playting for de Lady. Conft. I aſk your Pardon, Sir, I was miftaken What Wretch's Hands have I fall'n into? Sure I did hear Baftion's Voice? Front. Miftaken- -begar you muſt not be miſtaken, Madam, for you have make a me one very great Stomach for de Woman, and begar me will no ftarve, and de Vit- tles fo near me. [Lays hold of her. Conft. Away, Scoundrel; that for your Infolence. [Strikes him a Box in the Ear. Front. De Devil take your Mutton Fift, Jerney blue, me have a good mind to knock you down begar. Conft. In my Conſcience I believe him-fure Baſtion was here, if not he won't be long; I'll flip back into the Houſe- pray Heav'n I'm not difcover'd. Front. De Devil how my Cheeks glow- one gran Salup, Mafoy, me will be revenge- N 2 [Exit. -you be -What, be 292 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. be fhe gon? Now pox take her, fhe is nimble at both Ends begar; de English be de dam uncivil Nation, here is nothing but de Foot and de Finger-de French ac- coft de Stranger, Tout jour avec de Complefane com, fa Votre ferviteur Monfieur tres humblement; De Engliſh Kick a de Breech, and flap a de dents. [Exit. Bel. I ACT IV. SCENE I. SCENE continues. Enter Belvil, folus. Have drove from Tavern to Tavern, from Cho- colate-Houfe to Chocolate-Houfe, but can hear nothing of my Lord Richlove; I fancy he is lurking fome- where about our Houfe ftill- -kind Fortune direct my Eyes to find him, then if Revenge forſakes me I'll forgive him. Conft. [Peeping.] Sure this is Baftion; and yet my Fears alarm me fo I know not what I had beft to do; if I again miſtake, it may be dangerous, yet if it ſhou'd be him, and I not meet him, what cou'd he think? he wou'd conclude I lov'd him not, and that wou'd break his Heart ; therefore I'll on, Inclination's an undaunted Guide. Hift, hift. Bel. Ha Camilla's Door open, and a Signal given ! what Intrigue has fhe on foot? I'll return it however. Hift, here, here. [Softly. Enter Conftantia. Conft. [Softly.] Where, where have you been, my Dear? indeed it was unkind to make me wait fo long. Bel. Ha! fo long! Damnation ! Conft. Come, let us retire left we be diſcover'd; if we fhou'd, Belvil wou'd purſue thee to Death, and me to Ruin. Bel. I can hold no longer: You have mistook your Man, Madam- -but if your Ladyfhip will inform me who he is, I'll conduct you to him, perfidious Woman— Conft. Ah! my Brother! oh miſerable me, what ſhall I fay? Now I'm inevitably loft; fure ſome ſpiteful Pla- net The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 293 net reigns this Night, deftined by Fate to overthrow our Loves- Bel. What, are you Thunderftruck? Is Belvil's Pre- fence of fuch a Terror to you? ſpeak, who was I taken for? Conſt. I, I, I, I, I did, did, did, not, not, not- Bel. Ha! thy Tongue is modeft, and aſham'd to utter the Foulneſs of thy Purpoſe- Was this thy Love to me, treacherous Camillà? Conf. Camilla! nay then there are fome Hopes yet; his miſtaking me for her, may favour my Eſcape. rance Bel. If you learn to be tractable, one may endure you for a Huſband! Ay, you wou'd make a Huſband of me indeed, a tractable Monſter, to fetch and carry, to jump over a Stick, or hold a Door- 'Sdeath, that I knew this lucky Villain, I'd thank him for my good Delive- What, are you dumb with Guilt? nay, thou may'ſt well be fo: Oh Sex curft from the Original, I'm now confirm'd in my Opinion, that there never was a Woman true Inclination, Vanity, Intereſt or Curio- fity, has ftill prevail'd upon their fickle Natures, and he that trufts their faithlefs Vows, forfeits his Reaſon, and deſtroys his Peace. Enter Timothy druuk. Tim. So, now I have fortified my Courage with a Dram, I'll try if I can ftand my Ground. [Hickups.] 'Egad methinks I cou'd fight an Elephant now; I fancy Cowardice is a kind of an Ague, and there is nothing like Brandy to cure it. [Hickups. Bel. Ha! who's here? pray Heav'n it prove your Lo- ver, Madam. Conft. All the Stars forbid. [Afide. Tim. Who the Devil have we got yonder? I'm afraid, honeft Tim, thy Mafter is here before thee; and if ſo, Tim Boy, thou wilt be ſwingingly corrected- -odds my Life there's two things, I'll fee what they are, I'm refolv'd. [Goes up to Bel. [Afide. Conft. I am ready to fink with Apprehenfion, if 'tis Bastion I'm undone for ever. Tim. So, fo, then you are here, Sir, I'm glad on't with all my Blood- Bel. Are you ſo, Sir? This is ſome Scout, I perceive. N 3 Conft. 294 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Conft. 'Tis Baftion's Man; oh that I cou'd ſpeak to him. Tim. But, but, but, how did you eſcape my Lord, and all his Regiment of Frenchmen? Afore George I had like to have been pink'd out of my Life. Conf. Ha! my Lord! I with Bastion is not murder'd. Bel. My Lord! wou'd I had met his Lordſhip: Con- fufion! What Dog is this? Conft. Kind Fortune bring me fome Relief. [Afide. Bel. Is this your Creature to convey you to the Arms of your Gallant, Madam? Tim. Madam! ho, ho, have you got her then, od that's rare i'faith: I wiſh you much Joy, Madam; I'm juſt come from drinking your Health in, in, in, right French Brandy, or the Rogue has cheated me damnably. Bel. Rafcal, Pander, Villain, [Beats him.] Sirrah, whofe Scoundrel are you? Confl. Ah! poor Tim! but I fhall take the Opportu- nity, and not ſtay to part you. [Exit. Tim. Zounds what Tartar's Mouth have I popt into? Bel. Speak, Hang-dog- -Who do you look for? And what Bufinefs have you here? Tim. I can never answer Queſtions in the middle of Blows, Sir, -for I have a Sort of an Impediment in my Speech, [Hickups.] which holds great Communication with my Shoulders Bel. Have you fo, Sirrah? then I'll break that Com- munication ye Dog; I'll make you anſwer me, Sirrah. Tim. Caftigation always fhuts up my Mouth profound- ly, Sir. Bel. 'Sdeath, anfwer me to the Purpofe, or I'll rip a Hundred Mouths in you. [Draws. Tim. Ay, if you do, Sir, I'll be hang'd if I ſhall ſpeak at e'er a one of them- Ah Lord, a Sword! put it up good Sir, put it up, or I fhall fwoon away- -when my Mother was with Child of me, ſhe was frighted at a naked Sword, and I never cou'd endure the Sight of one fince; oh, oh, oh, oh! I am very fick upon my Faith. Bel. You cowardly Rafcal! fay then who did you expect to meet here? Enter Camilla. Can. I cannot find Bevil for my Life, nor hear of him no where. Tim. The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 295 Tim. Why, why, why, I expect to find my Maſter here, Sir. Cam. Ha! what's that? Bel. And who is your Maſter, Sirrah? Cam. 'Tis Belvil's Voice. Tim. Why, my Maſter is a Gentleman, Sir, I aſſure you. Bel. A Gentleman, Sir ! and has that Gentleman no Name? 'Sdeath don't trifle, Raſcal. [Slaps him with his Sword. Tim. Name! look ye there now, that Sword has fright- ed his Name quite out of my Head, upon my Soul, Sir. Bel. Find it again ye Dog, or this Moment is your laſt. Tim. Ah! Murder! Murder ! Cam. How's this? Murder—in the name of Goodneſs what's the matter, Belvil? What are you doing to the poor Fellow? Bel. Oh you can find your Tongue now, Madam, in be- half of your Emiſſary. [Turns to her. Tim. Egad and I can find my Legs too; the Danger has frightened the Brandy out of my Head, and now my Courage lies all in my Heels. [Runs out. Cam. My Emiſſary ! Bel. Yes, your Pander, the curfed Pander to your In- clination; but I'll be reveng'd on him however- -Ha! what, is he gone? Confound him-but no matter, I'm not that Fool which you imagin'd-nor you the Woman I took you for; I'm not to be impos'd upon, Madam. Cam. Sure you are diſtracted, `Belvil- pofition do you mean? Was it an Impofition to prevent you murdering a poor Wretch ?—or, when your Paffion's up, muft you difcharge it upon all that comes in your Way? Bel. No Evafions, Madam, can excufe you; you wou'd not have me think I dream't all this? Cam. All what? What Im- Bel. So! you are a Stranger to what's paſt, I warrant? you ran into my Arms without Deſign- Come let's re- tire, if we're difcover'd Belvil will purſue thee to Death, and me to Ruin--You did not fay them Words neither —no, you are innocent of all——and who this Fellow is that got druuk with drinking your Health's as much unknown to you as the Cham of Tartary. N 4 Cam. 296 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Cam. You are directly in the right on't, for I am a Stranger to all your Accuſations. Bel. Thou haft an Aſſurance beyond all Parallel. Cam. I fufpect Conftantia was the Woman, and ſhe has miſtook her Brother for the Colonel, for that was certainly Timothy by his Cowardice: Pray, Sir, where did I ſpeak them kind Words? Bel. Pofitively that Queſtion has ftruck me dumb- and from this Moment I fhall think it lofs of Time to converſe with you- You can't by all your Cunning clear your Fame, Or e'er induce me to believe you more: Thus I cancel every Vow I made you, · And with this Breath I drive the Tyrant Love away. Cam. So incredulous! fo infolently bold! Then 'tis time to affume the Pride of Innocence, The ſtrongeſt fureft Guard my Sex can boaſt. Know, Ingrate- I equally ſcorn your Love, and baſe Aſperſions ; You think yourſelf commiffion'd to be rude, And Nature form'd you for no other End But to infult and ruin Womankind: Your flattering Oaths, and endleſs Perjuries, Are Tools you uſe to forward your Deceit. But when you think you have us in your Pow'r, You quit the Maſk, and ſhow the Man all o'er : Happy is fhe that trufts you not too far, Who can retreat, and pay you with Contempt. Bel. Right Woman! when no Excufes can be found, their beſt Sanctuary lies in Impudence. Cam. I fmile to think of thy affected Freedom, And read the Weakneſs of thy purpos'd Thought. You, Coward like, now boaſt of what you'll do, But cannot act the faucy Scene quite out : Yes, I fhall have you trembling at my Feet, Begging Forgiveneſs from my injur'd Heart, But I will uſe thee as thy Crime deſerves : As what I've faid was credited by you, Juſt ſo much Pity ſhall you find from me: I'll teach your haughty Temper to fubmit, And all your Sex fhall own a Woman's Wit. [Afide. [Exit. Bel. The PERPLEX'D 297 LOVERS. Bel. Arrogance we all know you have enough. Death and Hell, is it poſſible that ſhe can deny her Falſhood— and to my Face—-—juſt in the very Fact-ſhe's the Epi- tome of Womankind- the very Quinteffance of Trea- chery- -Marry her! no, 'tis fafer to accompany with a Crocodile -nor from this Moment ſhall my Sifter fee her -ſhe that can cater for herſelf ſo well, is of dangerous Converfation-my Father ſhall lock her up this Moment, till my Friend arrives. Enter Colonel Merryman finging. Mer. When I was young, a Soldier and strong, 'Twas Mufick to hear the Drums rattle ; But now I am old, and the Weather is cold, My chiefeft Delight is my Bottle. Bel. Ho, here's her Father ftroling from the Tavern I ſuppoſe, I'll avoid him. [Going. Mer. Who's that, that wou'd avoid me? ha! I never flinch'd in my Life, old Boy-and faith I'll know who you are [Lays hold on Belvil.] Ha! Belvil—why what, woud'ſt thou ſhun thy Uncle, Boy? ha, the Devil's in theſe young Fellows when they are in Love—they hate the Company of everybody which are not infected with their Diftemper-why what, thou cameſt out of my Houſe now I warrant, didft thou not, ha? Bel. No indeed, Sir, not I. Mer. Come, come, young Man, don't lie for the mat- ter-I am acquainted with your Pretenſions, Camilla has told me all- ſhe has ten thouſand Pounds, Boy, that I can't hinder her of, and I fhall leave her a Loaf when I die—and let her chufe for herſelf and welcome-but me- thinks, Kinſman, you might have made your Love known why what, Man, Coufins may couple for all their Affinity-I don't take it kindly, Belvil, faith I don't -why what, cou'd not we have fmoak'd a Pipe, and crack'd a Bottle together, and ſettled Matters in order for the cracking my Daughter's Pipkin, ha? to me- Bel. I don't underſtand you, Sir, I have nothing to ſay to your Daughter, upon my Word, Sir. Mer. How! nothing to fay to my Daughter! that's good, i'faith- a fly young Rogue this; why I tell thee ſhe has let me into the Secret. N 5 Bel. 298 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Bel. Ay, Sir, that may be- -perhaps your Daughter may let more Men into the Secret, than either you or I may know of, old Gentleman. Mer. Why what do you mean, ha? my Daughter let Men into her Secrets! you had beſt have a care what you fay, young Man, do you hear? Bel. Look ye, Uncle, I have this Secret to tell you, that I care not if the whole Town were acquainted with every Secret about her---for that I never intend to marry her, is as true as that I know her too well to make a Wife on, Mer. Too well to make a Wife on! 'Sdeath ye Dog, you han't made a Whore of your Coufin, have you? Sir- rah, Sirrah, if you have forc'd the Lines, e'en carry off the Baggage, you Rogue- -Zounds, old as I am I'll have a Puſh with you yet; draw, Sirrah, by the Scars of Hockstet I'll not remember thou'rt my Brother's Son, but uſe thee like a Frenchman, Sirrah- Bel. But I fhan't forget that you are my Father's Bro- ther, Sir, nor will I fight you--therefore pray let your Hochftet Fury cool--go home and lock up your Daugh- ter, that's your beſt Security; I affure you I ſhall never force any Lines belonging to your Family, nor fo much as make the leaſt Attempt upon her Cover'd Way--and fo farewel, Uncle. [Exit. Mer. Here's a Dog now! Zounds, he ſhan't carry it off thus by the Fame of Ramilly I'll have Satisfaction, if I follow him to the Indies- Not attempt my Daughter's Cover'd Way Bullets, Balls, and Canons, he ſhall make a Lodgment there in spite of all the Mines his In- conftancy can spring. [Exit. Enter Colonel Baſtion. Baft. A Pox of this fecular Prince of Darkneſs, the Conſtable, there is no difputing with his Mirmidons; had it not been for his Authority, I ſhou'd have paid his Lord- ſhip for his untimely attendance! A Curfe of all Ill-luck, I fear Conftantia's loft by this unlucky Accident! What can fhe imagine ? She must conclude me all that's bafe, and think me moſt unworthy of her Love- Sure Fate takes Pleaſure ftill to croſs my Hopes, and rend my En- deavours vain -All is filent as the Grave; not the leaft Whisper of a Voice! Where can this Servant of mine be? Death, I cou'd ſhake the Villain into Atoms, if I had him. Enter The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 299 Enter Le Front. Front. No News of my Lor yet, begar. Baft. Oh, are you come, Sirrah? ftir from your Poſt, ye Dog? -How durft you [Beats him. Front. Poft! Begar your Lorſhip poſt a me no where? what do you beat a me for? De Divil be in all de Folks to-night, I tink. Baft. Ha! I have fall'n foul upon fome Lord's Servant, it feems. [Afide. Front. I defire your Lorfhip diſcharge me; de Valet de Chambre can no digeſt a de Blow, mafoy. Baft. Prithee get thee about thy Bufinefs, and don't trouble me with thy Jargon; I thought I had ftruck my own Servant; I am forry for the Miftake. Front. What de Divil, are you not my Lor den? Pox take a your Servant- Parblue, my Lor fhall know your gran Civility to his Gentleman. Baft. Pray, what Lord do you ſerve, Poltroon? Front. Poltroon! Begar me no like his Compliment— Me ferve a me Lor Richlove, Sir; what have you to ſay to him! ha! Sir? Baft. Nothing, Sir, only I beg the Favour of your Gentlemanſhip, to carry him that, and that, and that, Sir. [Kicks him. Front. A very fine Preſent, begar. Baft. And tell him he fent them, that would have fent his Lordſhip to the Devil to-night, if he had not been prevented. Front. Monfieur, begar me no like a de Meffage, you pleaſe to fend a your own Servant, dat my Lor may return de favour-Jerney blue, me hate a de Engliſh, more den de Turk, begar Balt. Do you diſpute it, Mungrel? Begone, or I fhall give you twice as much. Front. Me take a your word for dat, begar, me no ſtay for de Proofe. [Exit. [Enter on the other Side Colonel Merryman. Baft. Who's this? Mer. Where cou'd I mifs this Rogue?—Od I'll find him e'er I fleep, if I die for't, [Runs against Col. Baſtion.] Ho, ho, have I found you? Draw, you young Dog, draw, 300 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. draw, or I'll Spitlock you like an Eel, Sirrah; not attempt my Daughter's Cover'd Way, quotha? Baft. 'Zdheart, whofe this? Tis not fure Conftantia's Father, what does he mean by Cover'd Way? Mer. What's that you mutter? ha, Sir! Baft. I fuppofe you miſtake your Man, Sir, pray whom do you ſeek? Mer. Whom do I feek? Why I ſeek Belvil, Sir Roger Merryman's Son, Sir,-now if you be not him, I beg your Pardon. Baft. I thought you were miſtaken, Sir, I am not him I affure you, Sir- I think 'tis Colonel Merryman. Mer. The very fame, Sir- -Who are you? ha! by your Voice you ſhou'd be Colonel Baſtion. Baft. At your Service, Sir. Mer. What, my Hero! Why how doft thou do, Boy? Baft. Pray what's the Occafion of your Quarrel with your Kinſman ? Mer. Hang him, he's no Kinſman of mine, but no matter for that--Thereby hangs a Tale, which you muſt not know, Sir. Baft. I am not over curious, Colonel. Mer. Shall we take a Bottle, my Boy? Baft. Another Time, Colonel, but at prefent, I'm en- gag'd. Mer. Some Female Affignation—I warrant I warrant; well I am a Well-wisher to the foft Sex, tho' Age has caſhier'd the Pleaſure- -Succeſs attend thee. [Exit. Baſt. What can his Quarrel be with Belvil? Is he a Stranger to his Love for Camilla? Enter Belvil. Bel. So, I've drop'd this old drunken Fellow at laſt; I met my Lord Richlove's Valet with a Link before him juſt now, perhaps his Lordſhip mayn't be far off. [Perceiving Colonel Baſtion, runs and catches hold of him. Who are you, sir, fculking fo near this Houſe? Baſt. Death, Sir, who are you that dare aſk that Que- ftion? [They struggle together. Bel. Nay ſtruggle not, for I'll know who you are before you and I part. A Light, a Light, a Light there. Enter The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 301 Enter Link-Boy. Link-boy. Here Maſter. Bel. Colonel is it you! I thought you had been on your Way to Flanders by this Time: Where have you been poaching? Baft. Ha! Conftantia's Brother !—The Coach does not fet out till fix: I came now from the Roſe, where with two or three honeſt Fellows I have been drinking a Farewel to old England and Succefs to the next Cam- paign. I had like to have a Duel with Colonel Merryman, he took me for you: Pray, Sir, what Quarrel have you with one another? Bel. The natural Antipathy Age has to Youth, I know of none elſe he was in his Cups, I fuppoſe. Baft. But who did you take me for? Bel. Not for him I affure you; fo a good Journey to you, Captain. [Exit. Baft. Thank you, Sir-he's gone into his own Houſe -What can the meaning of this be? I muſt endeavour to ſee Camilla; 'tis break of Day, an unfeaſonable Hour to viſit a Lady, but the Impatience I am under of clearing myſelf to Conſtantia, will break in upon Ceremony at this Time- Oh Fortune, be thou once propitious, and give me full Poffeffion of my Love, or make me lofe the Me- mory of her Charms. Link-boy. Where ſhall I light you to, Maſter? Baft. No where; begone-ha![Exit Link-boy. Colonel Merryman and Lord Richlove in Converſation! I'll wave Revenge for once, and liſten to the Confequence. [Withdraws. Enter Colonel Merryman and Lord Richlove. Mer. Why here has been ſtrange Miſtakes, my Lord? Should you have carry'd off my Niece, ſay you? L. Rich. Moſt certainly————If I had not been prevented, as I told you. Mer. Who cou'd that Man be? L. Rich. I wish I knew him, Colonel; I fancy it muſt be him her Brother deſigns her for. Mer. He is not yet arriv'd. that I know of. L. Rich. I think it very unnatural in Belvil, to force his Siſter's Inclinations, even againſt a Father's Choice. Mer. 302 LOVERS. The PERPLEX'D Mer. Hang him, my Lord, he's a perfect Humourift; I wish I cou'd plague him a little- -I hope I may credit your Lordship's Affertion? You fay my Niece Conflantia really loves you, my Lord? L. Rich. Upon my Honour, Colonel, fhe has met me in the Garden, admitted me privately into her Bed-cham- ber, and I was to have carried her off this Night-If I can deceive this old Fellow, and draw him over to my Intereft, I may chance to carry my Deſign yet. [Afide. Mer. Nay! if once a Woman admits a Man into her Bed-chamber, fhe has a Deſign of admitting him elfe- where that's certain Well, give me your Hand, my Lord; by the Honour of Britain I'll ſerve you if I can. Baft. Say you fo, old Gentleman? [Afide. L. Rich. I thank you, Colonel; but how fhall I fee Conftantia? for I doubt this laſt Accident has doubled Belvil's Care; if I cou'd be introduc'd into the Family under fome Difguife, we might find an Opportunity for her Eſcape. Mer. Humph, Diſguiſe, ſay you? What think you of a Grecian now? Od, your Lordship wou'd make a jolly Grecian, and you fhall fell Perfumes, Waſh-balls, Chocc- late, and fo forth-I promiſed my Niece fome Chocolate, and you ſhall go from me. L. Rich. I like the Contrivance! But, Colonel, your Quarrel with Belvil may be an Obſtacle in my Way; fup- poſe I fhou'd meet with him, perhaps your Name wou'd not give me Admittance, what fhall I do then? Mer. Right! we muſt fend againſt that— think on't, I'll introduce you myſelf- Now I -you are fure my Niece loves you, and that you have my Brother's Confent, my Lord? L. Rich. Moft certainly, Colonel; I hope you don't think I'd impofe upon you !? Mer. No Faith, my Lord, I hope you don't; therefore away, get the Dreſs, and the reft of the Perquifites, and fear nothing; I'll carry you into her Apartment, and leave you to make the Diſcovery- L. Rich. Let me come there once, and then- Mer. Ay, and then there will be fuch Cooing and Bil- ling, ha, ha, ha! well, well, I have had my Day, as Dryden fays and fo fpeed your Love, I fay. The very Thought The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 303 Thought of diſappointing this young Dog's Defign will give me equal Pleaſure, my Lord, it will run through my Veins like the Joy of Victory: I'll expect you at my Houſe, my Lord- -Not marry my daughter! Zounds he ſhall fſweat beneath the Faſcines of Matrimony, before 1 have done with him. L. Rich. I'll wait on you with all the Speed poffibly I can, Colonel. [Exeunt feverally. Enter Colonel Baſtion. Baft. Here's a Villain now; he has impos'd upon Co- lonel Merryman, and hopes to carry his Deſign by Trea- chery, but I'll counterplot your Policy; firſt let me inform the Ladies of this, then I'll take Care of your Grecian Lordſhip. [Knocks at Camilla's Door. Cam. [In the Balcony.] Who's at the Door? Bafl. 'Tis Camilla's Voice. Cam. Colonel ! Baft. The fame. Cam. Stay, I'll come down this Moment. [Exit. Baft. Pray Heav'n Conftantia may be with her? I know not why; but methinks a Heavineſs hangs on my Heart, that almoſt choaks my Speech. Enter Camilla. Cam. Oh! Colonel, your Affairs wear an ill Face at preſent. Was not you to have met my Couſin to-night? Baft. I was, but by an Accident I faw her not. Cam. Nay, there were more Accidents than one, I can tell you: ſhe fell into her Brother's Hands, inftead of yours. Baft. Unfortunate! Into her Brother's Hands? Cam. But by her coming out of my Houſe, he mistook her for me; and after ſhe had made her Eſcape- Baft. Bleft Sound! Did ſhe eſcape undiſcover'd? By what Miracle? Cam. I know not, but undiſcover'd I am ſure ſhe did ; for I coming by accidentally, met the Shock of his Fury, he ſtill charging me with what had happen'd—and poor Timothy felt the Effect on't too. Baft. Hang him, Raſcal, no matter if his Bones had been broke, ſo that had been the worft. Cam. • 304 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Cam. The Miftake has created an eternal Quarrel be- tween me and Belvil; his Paffion wou'd not let him hear Reaſon, nor my Pride permit me to undeceive him. Baft. I am unhappy every Way; can you forgive my being the unfortunate Caufe, Madam? Cam. Let not that trouble you, Colonel; but think which Way to free Conftantia; for but now, as fhe was coming to me, her Brother furpriz'd her, and caus'd the Door between our Apartments to be nail'd up. Baft. Mifchievous Turn of Fate-This is an unfore- feen Shock, what fhall I do now? If I fhou'd kill this Lord, it can't advance my Caufe-nor give me Entrance to my Love-Something muſt be thought on to convey me into the Houſe. I have Buſineſs of Moment to impart to you, and to my dear Conftantia; don't you think it poffible to ſpeak to her thro' the Door? Cam. I believe it may, if you pleaſe to walk in we'll try: 'Tis broad Day-light; Heav'n fend the Day prove more propitious than the Night has done. Baft. From thence we'll take our Meaſures. I shall at least detect my Lord's Defign, [Exit. And clear your Caufe, whatever comes of mine. [Exit. ACT V. SCENE I. SCENE Conftantia's Apartment. Conftantia talking thro' the Door. Conft. I'll obferve my Cue, never fear it. Brother Enter Belvil. Ha! my Bel. How's this, talking thro' the Door?————Siſter, if vou valu'd your Reputation, you'd not take your Confine- ment ill, nor endeavour to hold a Correſpondence thro' a Door, which I had Reaſons for nailing up. Conft. Then you ought to have let me into your Rea- fons, Brother, and not make my Father's Houſe a Jail to me. Bel. Bating Camilla, you ſhall have what Company you will; I lov'd her once- once did I fay! alas, I find I do ſo ſtill, and therefore won't expoſe her; but be aſſured there is a Cauſe, yes, and a juſt one too, for my Proceed- ing. I expect Sir Philip by the firſt fair Wind; when you are marry'd my Care is over, and you'll have Liberty to converſe I The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 305 converfe with who you pleaſe? then you may renew your Friendſhip, Sifter, but not till then I affure you. Conft. Then I'm afraid we have taken leave for ever. Bel. How, Conftantia ! Conft. Nay, frown not, Brother, you cannot force my Will: What Privilege has Nature given you? Why fhou'd you dictate to my Heart, or point the Man that ſhou’d reign Lord of me? I muſt tell you, Sir, this ungenerous Action makes me look with Stranger's Eyes upon you, and weakens much the Affections of a Sifter. Bel. Moft heroically ſpoken- -Now let me tell you fomething: this haughty Speech has such an aukward Air, that it ſeems to be but juſt acquired; let me adviſe you, give the Study over, for Paſſion in your Sex, is like Vanity in ours, very unbecoming, and rarely conquers nought but Fools and Cowards- -Look ye, Conftantia, I am pofitively refolv'd to have the Knight for my Brother-in-Law; now he has no Sifter, and I none but you, then judge how the Alliance muſt come. Tim. [Within.] Buy any British Cloth or Holland, Ken- tins, Cambricks or Muflin -buy any fine Bone-Lace within? Conft. Well, Brother, if Heav'n defigns Sir Philip for my Huſband, I muft fubmit; if not, there will be fome Way found to make you do fo; then let Time decide this Matter. Florella! Bel. With all my Heart. Enter Florella. Tim. [Within.] Buy any British Cloth within? Conft. Call that Scotchman, I want fome Muſlin. Flor. Yes, Madam. [Exit. Re-enter Florella, with Timothy in a Scotch Pedlar's Habit, with a Pack upon his Back. Tim. 'Tis plaguy heavy, Heav'n ſend me fairly rid of it. [Afide. Conft. Have you any very fine Muflin, Friend? Tim. Yes in troth have I, Madam, the finest for yer Ufe in aw South or North Britain. Conft. Come into the next Room, and fhow it me. Tim. Troth I will, Madam; not gang with a bony Lafs. he's no Briton, that wo [Exit Tim. and Conft. Flor. Here's a Letter for you, Sir; a Porter brought it, but faid it requir'd no Anſwer- 20 VOL. II. I refolve to clear the Miſtake 306 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Miſtake 'twixt him and Camilla, that I may get rid of him, in order to ſerve my Lord- for he is very generous, and the ſtricter he confines my Lady, the better for his Lordſhip, provided I can but fecure Belvil; this Letter I hope will do't. [Afide. Bel. [Reads.] What's here! I wou'd not have you cre- dit this lefs for coming from an unknown Hand, nor think yourſelf in the wrong if you ak Camilla's Pardon, for it was not fhe, but Conftantia, that run into your Arms laft Night. Ha! Conftantia! Hell and Furies; has fhe then a Lover of her own? this jumps with what the faid but now: How have I been impos'd upon? Conftantia ! if it be ſo, how fhall I fee Camilla's Face, or dare to approach that injur'd Maid? if it were not Camilla, fhe came out of Camilla's Houſe, that I am pofitive of, and therefore ſhe muſt be privy to the Intrigue : Now I fear my Sufpicions were but too true, it was my Sifter which I faw, and that Villain in the Maſk was the very Man- -oh that I knew him but-'Zdeath how am I confounded! hark ye, Florella. Flor. It takes as I wou'd have it. [Afide. Bel. Do you know any Gentleman that makes Preten- fions to your Miſtreſs? Flor. Mum! I'll play my Cards fure, no Confeffion in forma pauperis, he never fees, and therefore ſhall know no more than will ferve my Turn-who I, Sir? not I in- deed, Sir. Bel. You lie this Letter fays there is a Man ſhe likes. Flor. Why, Sir, do you think my Lady tells me who fhe likes? fome pitiful Miſchief-making Villain has done this, to beſpatter my Lady's Fame. Bel. Ah! this Jade has all her Paces, true as Steel to her Miſtreſs; there is nothing to be done this Way. I'll to Camilla's, own my Fault, aſk her Pardon, and try by gentle Means to find the Truth: Go, bid him draw the Nails of that Door again—I'll make my Vifit that Way. Flor. Any way, ſo I am but rid of you. [Going. Bel. And do you hear, lock the Street-door and bring me the Key, I'll prevent her Elopement, except fhe leaps the Window. [Exit. Flor. The Key! which Way will my Lord get in then ? [Exit. SCENE The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 307 SCENE draws and difcovers Conftantia and Timothy uncording the Pack, from whence comes out Colonel Baſtion. Tim. Egad he has almoſt broke my Back—he is con- fumed heavy, confidering he has not made a good Meal theſe three Months- -Here, Madam, here's a charming Piece of Cloth for your Wear, here's Cambrick, Kentin and Calico for you, all in a Lot- oh wou'd you were in a Holland Wrapper together. [They run and embrace. Conft. Oh my Bastion! Do I hold thee in my Arms once more? Baft. My Love, my Life, my dear Conftantia, oh let us fly and tie that Knot, which keeps me ever here: Haſte I conjure thee, by our mutual Love, let me convey thee hence this Moment now, elfe I fear thou never wilt be mine Conft. Not thine! By the moſt facred ties of Love, I ne'er will be another's. Baft. Alas, thou can'ft not promife that Fortune feldom takes the juſter Side, and faithful Lovers are not always happy: Then prithee fuffer thyfelf to be carry'd out the fame Way I came in, now before your Uncle and that Lord arrives. I have taken care of a Parson that. fhall make us one for ever. Conft. But how wilt thou get out then, undiſcover'd? Baft. I do not mean to do it; let me but fecure thee, I'll ſtay on Purpoſe to confront that Villian, and ſee him puniſh'd as his Crimes deferve; then unfufpected ſtill of loving thee, fly to this dear Bofom. Conft. Well, my Love, thou shalt be obey'd; tho' 'tis an odd way to be roll'd up in a Pack; but I have read that Cleopatra did fo, and ſure I do not love thee leſs than ſhe did Cæfar. Tim. So now I am to have her upon my Back; egad that's quite wrong tho'. Enter Florella. Flor. The Colonel here! and as I live Timothy the Scotchman- -I wonder'd indeed ſhe wanted to buy Muflins of a Pedlar. Baft. Come, be quick, my Love. Flor. Ay, you may be as quick as you pleaſe, but the Street-door is lock'd up, and your Brother has taken the Key with him to Camilla's. Conft. 308 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. • Conft. Camilla's! why, is he gone thither, ſay you? Baft. Unlucky Turn. Flor. Yes, Madam, and thro' your private Door too. Somebody fent him a Letter, what was in it I know not, but when he had read it, he afk'd me if I knew of any private Admirer you had, feem'd in a great Fury, fnap'd me up, when I told him I did not, with you lie, you do. But I had too much Concern for your Welfare, Madam, to betray the Colonel. Baft. Too well I know thee, but 'tis not Time yet to clear Accounts. [Afide. Const. We are certainly betray'd, and Belvil knows I love thee. Baft. Then let him know it; I am a Gentleman, and fcorn to quit my Pretenfions, or difown 'em, tho' ten thouſand Dangers threaten'd me. Tim. Oh the Devil, I fhall be pedlar'd with a Pox to me, by and by I fear. Baft. And yet I know not why, but I wiſh that thou were ſafe out of this Houſe, methinks. Conft. Hark, I hear a Noiſe, for Heav'n's fake don't let my Brother fee you if poffible; here, here, help, Tim, to make up his Pack again; Florella, fhut that Door. [They feem to huddle up the Colonel, the Scene fhuts. Enter Belvil and Camilla. Bel. Nay, fly me not, Camilla, I own my Fault, and am convinced that I have done you Wrong. ·Cam. Away, away, ſtick to your Refolution; you know my Cunning cannot clear my Fame, or e'er induce you to believe me more. Ha, ha, ha! ſweet Sir, you ſee I have not given myſelf much Pain about it. Bel. Nor do I expect you ſhou'd, Camilla. Paffion has the fame Power o'er the Minds of Men, that Clouds have over the Face of Day; it contracts the Proſpect of our Reaſon, and makes our Judgment dark-but when the Storm is once diſcharg'd, each Faculty reduc'd, and Pru- dence takes her Seat again, our Thoughts return, and all our Senfes cool, and we examine Matters with a different Air, and every thing has quite another Look; then if we have been to blame, 'tis no Shame to own it, but rather argues the Greatneſs of a Soul capable to diſtinguiſh right. Cam. This Reaſoning had been well fix Hours ago. Bel. The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 309 Bel. Can it have loft its Value in fix Hours? Will not this Pofture fatisfy your Pride, for only that can make you flight me now: Oh Camilla, I know thy Soul too well, to think fix Hours can raze me from thy Heart. Thou art not fickle in thy Nature, no, thy Principles difdain that Part of Woman; by thofe then I conjure thee, tell what thou knoweft of this Night's Miſtake. Cam. Riſe, Belvil; you have cunningly found the Way to move me. By that honeſt Principle I fwear you wrong'd me, I was not the Woman you ſurpriz'd. Bel. Then I fubmit to whatever Penance you'll impoſe -but one thing more! Was not my Sifter fhe? ha? Cam. How comes he to gueſs at her? What ſhall I ſay? I muſt not own it. [Afide.] I know not that, for when I came I faw no Woman. Mer. [Within]. Camilla. Cam. Ha! my Father! I wou'd not have you ſeen, till I have told him we are reconcil'd. Away, I'll follow you inftantly, and tell you all I know of that Affair. Bel. I fhall expect my Angel with Impatience. [Exit. SCENE draws and discovers the Pack upon the Table, Conſtantia and Timothy by it. Enter Belvil. Conft. My Brother! Oh lie ftill, my Love, or we are undone for ever. [To the Colonel. Tim. O wo's me, her Brother! oh, oh, oh! [Shakes and cords his Pack: Conft. Oh good Tim, don't tremble fo, you'll betray all. Bel. How now, Sifter, have you not done chattering yet? I bring you good News, Camilla and I are Friends again, and ſhe'll be here preſently; I hope I have oblig'd you now. Here, who's there? Enter Florella. Take the Key and open the Street-door again. Tim. Ah wou'd I were fairly out on't: What will be- come of me? Conft. Indeed you have rejoic'd me, Brother, I was fure my Couſin cou'd not merit your Diſpleaſure. Bel. 310 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Bel. Has this Fellow anything that's good? What does he fell? What ails him to ſhake and groan fo? Conft. No, nothing worth looking on the Ague; oh, oh ! he has got Tim. [Getting his Pack.] Aye, Sir, I have the tertian Ague; oh, oh! Bel. Poor fellow, fet down thy Pack, and go to the Fire and warm thee. Conft. No, no, Brother, let him go to an Ale-houſe and warm him; go, go, away with your Trumpery. Tim. Look ye, Madam, don't difparage my Commodi- ties; I have nothing in my Pack but what any Lady may wear, by my Sol, Madam. Conft. Prithee, Fellow, don't prate to me, but begone. Tim. Ife ganging as faſt as I can, Madam. [Reels against Belvil, who claps up his Hand to fave the Pack. Bel. Ha! 'tis a comical made up Pack as ever I faw, and feels odly, there may be more in this Pack than I am aware of. [Afide.] Poor Fellow, thou art but weak, why do you carry fuch a heavy Load? come, fet it down, I'll buy fomething of thee out of pure Pity. Conft. Now I am ruin'd paft Redemption. [Afide. Tim. Ah, methinks I feel a Sword quite thro' my Body. [Sets down his Pack upon the Table. Bel. Have you any good Lace for Ruffles? Tim. Lace, Sir ! I, I, I, I, I, I, I have-no-Lace, Sir, Bel. What! have you any fine Holland for Shirts, then ? Tim. Holland, Sir? Yes, Sir; no, no, now I think on't, Sir, I fold the laſt Piece I had at the next Houſe. What will become of me? [Afide. Conft. He certainly will find the Colonel ! this Fellow's ftammering will betray my Love? what ſhall I fay or do to hinder it? [Afide. Bel. Why what have you then? this Concern has a Meaning. [Afide. Conft. Indeed he has nothing that you will like Brother, Bel. That I believe. [Afide. Tim. No, Sir, I have nothing ye will like, upon my Sol, Sir; when I have recruited my Stock Ife call again. [Goes to take up his Pack. Bel. Sirrah, I ſay, I'll ſee what you have; now you are a Rogue, The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 311 a Rogue, I believe, and don't come honeftly by your Goods, fo are afham'd to fhew them; open your Pack, ye Dog. Tim. Ah, Tim, thou art a dead Man. [Afide. Baft. Give me Liberty inſtantly, Sirrah, or I'll cut your Throat. Conft. Ah! Bel. As I fufpected! Villain! [Beats him.] brought Rogues into my Houſe to rob me? [Baſtion jumps out and draws.] [Shrieks. have you Baft. Sir, I fuffer no Man to correct my Servant; I believe you know I am no Houſe-breaker, and am ready to give you what Satisfaction you pleaſe. Conft. Oh hold, you ſhall not fight. [Interpofes. Bel. Colonel Baftion! no! you have fofter Wars for him, I fuppofe: Confufion! is this your going for Harwich, Colonel? Baft. Had I not ſtay'd to have been ſerviceable to your Family, I had been gone, Sir. Bel. Serviceable to my Family! which way, Sir? by de- bauching my Sifter? hark ye, Sir, I defire you'll give me an Account of this by and by in Hyde-Park [Puts up his Sword. Baft. If I convince you not that my Deſign was honour- able, and what you'll thank me for too before I leave your Houſe, I'll not fail to meet you. [Puts up his Sword. Bel. On that Condition I am cool. Tim. Egad I'm all of a Sweat, I'm fure, and ſhall never be cool, I'm afraid. Enter Colonel Merryman, Lord Richlove like a Grecian, and Le Front Like a Salop Man with a Pot. Bafl. Now, Belvil, let me intreat you to ſtep with me into the next Room. Madam, you have your Cue. Const. Ay, ay, I warrant you. Bel. What do you mean, Colonel? Baft. Sufpend your Curiofity but a Moment, and you'll know- Come along, Sirrah. [To Tim. Bel. Well, for once I will. Tim. What the Devil's to be done now ? [Exit Baſt. Bel. and Tim. Mer. There ſhe is, my Lord; to her, to her, Man, ſhow, ſhow her all your fine Nicknacks. Odſo, here's my Daugh- ter and her Father, but I'll take them off preſently. Enter Camilla and Sir Roger. Niece, I promis'd you a Prefentof Chocolate, I met a Gre- cian 312 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. cian here that has extraordinary good he ſays, fo I have brought him in ; take as much as you will, Girl, I'll pay for't, or anything elſe he fells. Conft. Let me ſee, what have you ? Mer. Take him into the next Room, Niece, I don't defire to ſee what Conſcience you Women have, but I'll pay for as much as you'll buy, Niece. Conft. I thank you, Uncle: Well, come in here, then. [Exit Conft, and L. Rich. Cam. What, mayn't I fee what he's got too? Mer. No, no, no, there's nothing for you to fee, Child, therefore do you ſtay here; come, I'll treat your Brother and you with fome Salop. Sir Rog. Salop, what is that Salop? I have often ſeen this Fellow fauntering about Streets, and cou'd not imagine what he fold; what is it made of, you? [To Le Front. Front. Meo fpeako Engliſo nono. Sir Rog. What the Devil does he fay now? Mer. Why he tells you he ſpeaks no English; he's an Italian. Cam. Excellent- -I'm afraid he'll change his Tone by and by: Come, give me a Diſh. Front. Senior, explecco meo whato fheo wanto. Mer. Uno daſho de Salopo. [Le Front fills Salop. Sir Rog. This Italian is very vowelly, it runs much up- on the o methinks. Cam. No Fool like the old one. Conft. [Within] Help, help! a Rape, a Rape ! Sir Rog. Ha, what's that, a Rape? what the Devil, has the Grecian fallen foul of my Daughter? Mer. How's this? I'm furpriz'd. Front. Oh de Devil baul her, I fhall found away, begar. Enter Belvil dragging in Lord Richlove, the Colonel with Conftantia, and Timothy. Bel. Come along, Villain; if you'r fo warm, here's a Pump hard by ſhall cool you. L. Rich. Have a care what you fay, Sir, I am not a Perſon to be treated ignominiouſly. Bel. My Lord Richlove! I am glad I have met you; tho' you deſerve below a Scoundrel, yet I'll do you the Juſtice that belongs to your Quality. Sir Rog. Hark ye, Brother, have you ta'en up Pimping before The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. 313 before the Peace? Methinks you might have found fome other Family to have given Handfe! to your Trade. Enter Florella. Mer. Look ye, Brother, don't be faucy; if your Daugh- ter admits a Man into her Bed-chamber, and offers to run away with him, it is to be fuppos'd Handfel may be given without a Pimp. L. Rich. So, the Devil won't bate me an Inch I fee. Bel. How's that, Sir? Baſt. I muſt clear the Colonel, he has been impos'd up- on; but here's one can tell beft how his Lordſhip came into the Bed-chamber, fince fhe fhow'd him the Way. Flor. So, my Bufineſs is done. Bel. Your humble Servant, Mrs. Bawd? This Houſe has no farther Buſineſs with you; go, troop.[Gives her a Kick. Flor. Then fome other ſhall, Sir. Baft. His Lordſhip may ſet you up for his Ufe. L. Rich. I am fo confounded I know not what to ſay. Cam. How does your Lordſhip fell Chocolate a Pound? Ha, ha, ha ! Mer. Zounds, I never had fuch a Trick put upon me in my Life; he told me that my Niece was in Love with him, and that he had your Confent, and Belvil only oppos'd him- -my Lord, old as I am, you and I muſt talk this Buſineſs over behind Montague Houſe, we muſt faith. Conft. Let me adviſe your Lordſhip to practiſe the Rules of Honour and Honefty more, or refign that Title which ought to inherit both- Well may the Vulgar break in upon the Laws, when they can plead Cuſtom from the Great People in your Sphere, ſhou'd ſet Precedents over Virtue, and not give Examples of Debauchery and Vice; the higher Men are plac'd, the more their Actions are in view; and thoſe that ſcorn the poor Plebeian State, ſhou’d fcorn their Crimes much more. Bel. I'll meet your Lordship half an Hour hence at Tom's, from whence we'll take Coach to a convenient Place; you underſtand me. [Afide to L. Rich. L. Rich. Yes, and will meet you too, Sir; fo damn your Family. [Exit. Cam. Hark ye, Friend, why don't you cry your Salop? Front. De Devil take her Jeſt, begar me muſt beg Pär- don. [Falls on his Knees.] Me be de very good Family VOL. II. О in 314 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. in France, but de pavre Refuge for Religion, mafoy, muft do any ting for Bread, me be de Valet de Chambre to dat Divel of a Lord, but if you will forgive me, I will be your Footman, begar. Sir Rog. So, you can ſpeak Engliſh now, Sirrah. Tim. A Footman, ye French Dog! -ſpeak one con- temptible Word of a Footman, Sirrah, and I'll beat your Furmity Kettle about your Ears. Mer. Well faid, Tim. Sir Rog. No, no, let him alone, we'll think of a Pu- niſhment for him, I warrant you. Front. Me with me were in France, begar me never give England the Honour of my Prefence more. Bel. Colonel, I now own myſelf oblig'd to you, and thank you for this Diſcovery: And, Uncle, I forgive you, and aſk your Pardon for any ill Manners I might be guilty of laft Night: Camilla and I are reconcil'd, and I only want my Friend Sir Philip to compleat my Happineſs. I would gladly have my Sifter marry'd on the ſame Day. Enter Servant. Serv. A Letter by the Poft for you, Sir. [Gives a Letter. Bel. [Looks on the Letter.] 'Tis Sir Philip's Hand; I hope it brings News of his Arrival. Baft. I hope not. Conft. I dread the consequence. Bel. What's this! for Pardon- I am marry'd Dear Friend; I trust to that Name of an Action which I am guilty of Damn him, marry'd !- Cam. What puts you out of Humour, Belvil? Bel. No new thing, Madam: The Falſeneſs of a Friend, that's all; my Knight's marry'd. Cam. The beſt News I have heard this Twelve-month. Const. O bleft Sound! I told you Brother, if Heav'n defign'd it not, there wou'd be Ways found to croſs it. Sir Rog. Is this your honourable Friend, Belvil? Ha, ha! we have both been miſtaken I find; therefore by my Confent, my Daughter ſhall chufe for herſelf for the future. Bel. With all my Heart, I'll never concern myſelf about her more; I wou'd only aſk one Queſtion, Siſter; did not you miſtake me this Morning? Conft. I did indeed, Brother, and for this Gentleman; I take you at your Word, Sir, and crave your Bleffing. [Kneels with the Colonel. The 315 PERPLEX'D LOVERS. Baſt. We want but that to make us truly bleſt. Bel. So there's a Turn I ne'er fufpected- Sir Rog. This is fomething quick, methinks- take her, and bleſs you both. -but Mer. Well faid, Brother; he's a Man of Honour, faith, and my Niece has made a good Choice: Nephew,givemethy Hand-by everydeadFrenchman I am proud ofthy Alliance, Baft. And I look upon this Day the happieſt of my Life, if Belvil will accept me for a Brother. Bel. Yes, yes, Colonel, fince I fee how things have been manag'd, you have my Confent among the reft. Cam. Now you oblige me truly, Belvil-Couſin, I wiſh you Joy. [Salutes Conftantia. Conft. I wish you the fame, Camilla. Front. Noble Colonel, me ſhou'd be very glad to be your Gentleman, mafoy. Tim. Zounds, ye Dog, wou'd you fupplant me that have undergone the Slavery of the Courtſhip, and now the Harveſt of Matrimony is ripe, wou'd you eat the Fruits of my Labour? 'Tis my turn to be Gentleman, Sirrah, and I'll quit it for ne'er a French Son of a Whore in England- that has no more Courage than he has. [Afide.] Therefore ſtrip, Sirrah, ſtrip, the beſt Man take it. [Begins to ſtrip. Baft. Hold, hold, we'll have no domeftick Broil; you are grown as ftout as Hercules. But come, Tim, your Quarrel shall end in a Song. [Tim. fings a Song. A SONG deſigned to have been fung by Mr. Pack, in imitation of the Irish, who was prevented by a Cold. Our Master's caught i'th Conjugal Noofe; Wanton young Cupid ſo well play'd his part too, That Cælia's bright Eyes foon ſhot his Heart thro' : Then Ow la wa let us be merry, O nily wa let us be merry, Ya hony Lec let us be merry, And drink the Bride's Health in racy Canary. Ya hony Lee, &c. Fill t'other Glaſs, the 'Groom's Health take too; Why shou'd we fleep fince we muſt wake too? Oh this Liquor falls short of thofe Charms That our Maſter will taſte in Cælia's bright Arms. 02 316 The PERPLEX'D LOVERS. For Ow la wa there will be Kiffes, O nily wa, and ſweeter Bliſſes, Ya hony Lee, their Eyes are rowling, At each Kif one takes t'other's Soul in. Ya hony Lee, &c. When Night's gone, and the Day is breaking, The blushing Bride's in woeful taking; The World will know what he's been doing, And nine Months fhew the end of Wooing: For Ow la wa, there will be puking, O nily wa, and diſmal looking, Ya hony Lee, this comes of Kiffing, Add yet they long to taste the Bleſſing. Ya hony Lee, &c. But when Granee the Bantling produces, The Bride well again for Conjugal Ufes, Then, then, she minds not the whole World's Sneering; Marriage is lawful, fhe minds not their Feering. But Ow la wa, if Spouse proves naughty. Ow nily wa, of Wenching faulty, Ya hony Lee, what a Peal he'll ring him, And how many Kiſſes must wipe off his Sinning ! Ya hony Lee, &c. Mer. Very well. Sir Rog. What think you of a Dance now? Some of my Servants play on the Violin. Mer. Away with it then [A Country Dance. Baſt. Now my Conftantia, Fortune ſmiles upon us, and gives me all in giving thee. Even Honour, Glory, Conqueft, centres here, And Fame itſelf ſubmits to powerful Love. Be ev'ry gen'rous Man like me careft, Still Love like me, and ftill like me be bleſt. Cam, May ev'ry brave Defender of our Ifle Be thus rewarded for his warlike Toil; And after Sieges, Winter Camps and Storms, May fome kind Female take him to her Arms. [Ex. Omnes. માં THE CRUEL GIFT: A TRAGEDY, As it is Acted at the THEATRE-ROYAL, IN DRURY-LANE, BY Her MAJESTY's Servants. 寳 ​03 PROLOGUE. Written by Mr. SEWELL. Spoke by Mr. WILKS. THI HIS Play (I wonder how the Thing could hold !) Is, if I reckon right, two Winters old; It should have courted you the last hard Froft, But you in Ice and Politics were loft, Two flipp'ry Things. Some knew it to their Coſt. The prudent Mother, therefore, with good Reafon, Wean'd not this Child before a better Seafon : Well pleas'd fhe fees the Madness of the Age Spent in an impotent fuccefslefs Rage. From civil Life transfer your Horrors here, And give to Tragedy its proper Sphere. Our Woman fays, for its a Woman's Wit, (That fingle Word will gain us half the Pit) This is her first Attempt in Tragic Stuff; And here's Intrigue, and Plot, and Love enough. The Devil's in it, if the Sex can't write Thofe things in which They take the most Delight: If he has touch'd thefe Scenes with artful Care, Be kind, and all her ſmaller Failings fpare; The Ladies fure will eafe a Woman's Fears, For common Pity's Sake, the Men for theirs. On Hopes like theſe her Tragedy depends, Not on confed'rate Clubs of clapping Friends, Difpos'd in Parties to fupport her Cauſe, And bully you by Noife, into Applaufe. If the muft fue, fhe fcorns thofe vulgar Arts, But fain by nobler Means would win your Hearts; Tell you he wears her Country in her Breast, And is as firmly Loyal, as the beſt ; Then bid your Hearts their kindeft Pray'rs convey, And meet your coming Monarch on his Way; Who, from one peaceful Journey, brings us more Than our long Lift of conqu’ring Kings before ; For ne'er did Britain's Hopes fo Highly Tour, Or promife fuch a glorious Štretch of Power, As on that Day, which shall to Council bring The Braveft Senate, and the Greateſt King ; Who's rip'ning Schemes ſhall diſtant Nations rule, Make Tyrants tremble, and Divans grow cooi: To Britain's Enfigns then, as they decree, The World fhall ſtrike by Land, as well as Sea. EPILOGUE. Written by N. Row E, Eſq. Spoke by Mrs. OLDFIELD. W L-'twas a narrow 'Scape my Lover made; That Cup and Meffage-I was fore afraid- Was that a Preſent for a new made Widow, All in her difmal Dumps, like doleful Dido! When One peep'd in—and hop'd for fomething good, There was—σ Gad! a nafty Heart and Blood. If the Old Man had fhewed himself a Father, His Bowl fhould have inclos'd a Cordial rather, Something to chear me up amidſt my Trance, L'Eau de Barbade—or comfortable Nants! He thought he paid it off with being Smart, And to be witty, cry'd, he'd fent the Heart. I cou'd have told his Gravity, moreover, Were I our Sex's Secrets to discover, 'Tis what we never look for in a Lover. Let but the Bridegroom prudently provide All other Matters fitting for a Bride, So he make good the Jewels and the Jointure, To miss the Heart, does feldom diſappoint her. Faith, for the Faſhion Hearts of late are made in. They are the vileft Baubles we can trade in. Where are the tough brave Britons to be found, With Hearts of Oak, ſo much of Old renown'd? How many worthy Gentlemen of late, Swore to be True to Mother-Church and State; When their falſe Hearts were fecretly maintaining Yon Trim King Pepin, at Avignon reigning ? Shame on the canting Crew of Soul-Infurers, That Tyburn-Tree of Speech-making Nonjurors; Who in New-fangl'd Terms, Old Truths explaining. Teach hoft Englishmen damn'd Double Meaning. O! wou'd you loft Integrity restore, And boast that Faith your plain Fore-fathers bore ; What furer Pattern can you hope to find, Than that dear Pledge your Monarch left behind! 0 4 See EPILOGU E. See* how his Looks his honeſt Heart explain, And Speak the Blessings of his future Reign! In his each Feature, Truth, and Candour trace, And read Plain Dealing written in his Face. * His Royal Highness was prefent at the Author's Bene- fit, 1716. Dramatis Perfonæ. ΜΕΝ. King of Lombardy, Mr. Mills. Duke of Milan, diſguis'd like an Hermit— Mr. Bowman. General of Lombardy, private- Mr. Booth. ly married to Leonora, SPrime Miniſter of State, Father Lorenzo, { Antenor, Learchus { Cardono,{ to Learchus, Keeper of the Royal Fort, in Mr. Ryan. Love with Antimora- Mr. Quin. in} } Mr. Walker. Mr. Wilks. Friend to Lorenzo, and his Lieutenant-General. Agonistus, Friend to Learchus, WOMEN. Leonora, Princefs of Lombardy, Antimora, in Love with Learchus, Mrs. Oldfield. Mrs. Porter. Embaffadors, Captain, Guards, Ladies, and other At- tendants. SCENE, the City of Verona in Lombardy. } THE THE CRUEL GIFT. Ant. ACT I. SCENE the Street. Enter Antenor and Learchus. WAY, 'tis all Romantick Αν The lazy Virtue of ſome dreaming Hermit ; Far be Ambition from their homely Cells: But what haft thou to do with ill-tim'd Honeſty? Obferve me well, and treaſure in thy Soul The experienc'd Wiſdom of thy Father; Let Intereſt be thy bright unerring Guide, The fecret darling Purpoſe of thy Heart. Believe me, Boy, the reigns Supreme below; 'Honours and endleſs Pleafure wait around her : When ſhe commands, ſmile on the Man thou hateft, Carefs him to inevitable Ruin. From fooliſh Pity guard thy well-taught Mind; To Women leave the fond Deceiver Love ; That Bar to Glory, and to great Revenge. Think not of Friendſhip more than of a Word, Which, once gone forth, is loft in idle Air. Lear. Is this the Language of Paternal Love? Forbid it, all good Men, that I ſhould think fo. You mean to prove my Soul, and 'tis moſt juſt ; For many wear the borrow'd Maſk of Goodneſs; But I was made in Scorn of Artifice Superior Virtue is my awful Goddeſs, My pleaſing Motive, and my wifh'd Reward. Whether ſhe leads me to the active Field, Or the more dangerous Court, ſhe guides my Life: 21 VOL. II 0 5 Fame, 322 The CRUEL GIFT. Fame, Honour, Wealth, when by her Hand beſtow'd, With grateful Joy fubmiffive I'll receive them; But offer'd by the World in lieu of her, With Scorn I'd throw them back, as empty Trifles, Unworthy of an honeft Man's Regard. Ant. Dull Moralift! haft thou no Tafte of Pow'r? No Thirft of Glory? No ambitious Longings, To raiſe thy Soul, and bear thee up to Empire? And canft thou let Lorenzo tour above thee? Call to Remembrance all thy noble Anceſtors, Who all fell Victims to the Rage of his. Confider this; then think if thou art injur'd Enough to prompt thee to a great Revenge. Lear. Far be the Thought of Vengeance from my Soul I view with equal Juſtice Friends and Enemies : Pride may perhaps pronounce This, Weakneſs in me. No Matter what the haughty Mind ſuggeſts : I'd rather wear the name of Good than Great. Ant. Why, this is finely faid. Lear. For Lorenzo, fince my Royal Maſter, Whoſe great undoubted Right has Power to give, Beftow'd on him the Honours which I wore ; Long may they flouriſh with him: Who ſhall dare Blame you in giving or refuming Favours? Then ought we, Sir, t' impofe on Majeſty, What in ourſelves we would not bear? Ant. Go on, go on, purſue this darling Vapour, Unthinking to what Precipice it leads; Extol Lorenzo, dwell upon his Praiſe, And help to fwell the popular Applauſe. Forget the Conqueſts that have crown'd thy Valour, The numerous Wounds thou haſt ſuſtain'd in Battle For this infulting, this ungrateful King! ; Lear. Wore not my Sword the freedom of my Country? Wounds lofe their Smart in fuch a glorious Cauſe : He who for Intereft, or for baſe Revenge, Should in a private Quarrel fell his Foe, Deſerves the Scorn of every good Man for't. But he who would enſlave his native Land, Give up the reverend Rights of Law and Juſtice, To the deteſted Luſt of boundleſs Tyranny, Pollute our Altars, change our holy Worſhip, Deferves The CRUEL GIFT. 323 Deferves the Curſes both of Heaven and Earth ; And, from Society of human Kind, To be caſt forth among the Beaſts of Prey, A Monſter far more favage. Ant. Excellent ! Lear. For me- I know no Glory, but my Country's Good, Nor Anger bear 'gainſt any, but her Foes; But all her Enemies are mine: for her I'd make this Body one entire Scar, Ere I would fee my Country made a Prey, Or know the King, to whom I've ſworn, diſtreſs'd ; And this I hold to be all brave Mens Duty. Ant. Matchleſs Stupidity! Art thou from me, from my ſtrong Blood deriv'd, And can thy ebbing Pulfes beat fo low, So diſtant from the Vigour of my Soul? But, Spite of Artifice, I ſee quite thro' thee; Ill doft thou hide from me the hated Cauſe Of this tame ſuffering, this Baſtard Patience. Deaf to Ambition, fooliſh Love betrays thee. Lorenzo's Sifter. Antimora reigns The pow'rful Miſtreſs o'er thy Heart and Fame; Thy eafy Mind, fond of the flaviſh Yoke, Forgets her haughty Brother foars above thee. I bad thee lift thine eyes to Leonora, The beauteous Hope of this fair Kingdom. Lear. Yes, that guilty Thought of yours undid me. Oh! was it not, that finding your Ambition, The angry King, to ſcatter all your Hopes, Ruin'd guiltless me? Ant. Well, I remember his ungrateful Rage, Remember it with juft Indignation; And thou as foon might'ft think to reconcile Th' eternal Quarrel between Death and Nature, As quench my eager Thirſt of Vengeance. Yet I diffembled well my Injuries, And footh'd the fiery King with fo much Art, The bold Propoſal was miftook for Zeal, To keep the beauteous Leonora with us. "Twas thus the Monarch's Favour I regain'd, His wanting this experienc'd Head for Council. When 324 The CRUEL GIFT. When that old Sophifter Alcanor dy'd, I roſe again Prime Miniſter of State; And now have in my View a brave Deſign, Of which thou art unworthy to partake. Lear. My Want of Merit is my Pride in this, For where Revenge and Fraud are of the Party; I would not be admitted- Ant. You wou'd not, Sir- But tho' Crowns and Pow'r want Charms to move thee, And Injury ſeems to have loft her pointed Sting; When thou shalt know that Antimora's given, A Pledge of Friendſhip, from her Brother's Hand, To his dear Fav'rite and Fellow-Warrior, I know thy Spirits will be all awake. Lear. Ha! Ant. Yes, that dang'rous Maid, who has miſled thee, For whom all filial Duty is forgot, All Wrongs forgiven, all Ambition quench'd, Muft be Cardono's Wife- Lear. I know Lorenzo loves the Man you mention, But that he is to wed fair Antimora, Is all a Dream, work'd up by waking Malice. The Souls of Martyrs, mounting from the Flame, Are not more brightly ſpotleſs than her Faith ; But you have Leave to ſay what'er you pleaſe, And I, unruffled will with Calmneſs hear you. Ant. Go on, young Stoick, bleſs theſe Pair of Friends, Go, bend thy Knee to this young Fav'rite low; Refign thy Miſtreſs to the other's Arms, And be renown'd for Patience! Lear. When I do that, let Infamy and Shame Purſue and blot the name of Soldier from me. Give up my Miftrefs, quit the Maid I love! As foon I wou'd give up my Poft in War, Reſign the Soul which animates this Frame, And to that lateſt Nothing be reduc'd, Where Love and Glory ceaſe- Her Brother's Pow'r, no, not the King's Command, Can fhock her Faith- -But Oh! I rave; Ant. Build not thy Hopes upon a Woman's Faith, But join with me, and greatly be reveng'd, I have the Means, Lorenzo's in my Snare ; I Deep The CRUEL GIFT. 325 Deep as the Grave I've trac'd his erring Steps, And ſeen him fafe within the Toils of Fate ; Once more I warn thee to throw off thy Love; Wake from this idle Amorous Lethargy, [Ex. And ſhun that falling Houſe, like Lofs of Honour ; Exert thy Soul, and aid my great Deſign, Or from this Moment thou'rt no more my Son. Lear. Wou'd I indeed were not, unhappy Thought. Enter Agoniftus. My Agoniſtus—— Oh! much I wanted thee, and thou art come Even to ſhare Misfortunes with thy Friend, Thou kind, thou beſt Companion of my Youth; Thou Partner in my Dangers, well I know thee. Should Father, King, and ev'ry Star frown on me, Thou wouldeft not forfake me. Ag. Much fooner ſhall this fertile Kingdom change Her happy pregnant Soil for fterile Sand, Than I forfake my Friend- -Come, be not fad, Thou wilt again regain thy Mafter's Favour. Lear. Thou know'ft me not- If thou doft think I in the leaſt regard Whom Fortune mounts upon her giddy Wheel, Or o'er what Fav'rite ſhe infulting drives: A fofter Care does all my Thoughts employ ; Love, Agoniftus, is the fatal Source From whence my Sorrows fpring. Ag. I've gueſs'd it long, But knew not to what Fair your Vows were paid. Lear. Now I will tell thee all th' important Story, And eaſe my burthen'd Heart of half its Load. Thou'rt well acquainted with that ancient Hate Between Lorenzo's Family and mine, And muſt remember to have heard at leaſt His Grandfather, when o'er-power'd by Faction, From Court exil'd, paſs'd many Years in Venice; During which Time his Son, the Lord Alcanor, Marry'd a beautiful Venetian Lady, And he had Iffue by her this Lorenzo, And Antimora, of whom ſhe dy'd in Child-bed. Soon after this, his Father alfo dy'd. Alcanor 326 The CRUEL GIFT. Alcanor ſtrait employ'd his Friends, t' obtain Leave from the King for his Return to Lombardy. The King gave Leave; he came and liv'd obfcurely, In Sullen Solitude, and haughty Privacy. Ag. I do remember to have heard this Story. Lear. In a lone ancient Seat Alcanor liv'd, Hard by a Caſtle which belong'd to us ; 'Twas there I first beheld fair Antimora, And, gazing, catch'd and gather'd growing Love. Bright as a Sylvan Goddefs fhe appear'd, And ſhot her beauteous Beams into my Soul. In ſome Diſguiſe I waited every Day, Till in one happy Ev'ning I at laſt Met her as ſhe was walking forth alone; With trembling Awe I ventur'd to approach her, And on my Knees I begg'd that ſhe would hear The trueft Paffion that e'er warm'd a Lover. Ag. And the conſented Lear. At firſt fhe heard with Caution, ftill objecting Our Houſes Hatred, and my profp'rous Fate, And charg'd me to fupprefs the growing Flame, And fix my Choice on fome more happy Maid, Whoſe ample Fortunes, and whofe equal Merit, Might vindicate my Love- Ag. Thus Minds, form'd truly great, bear up their Port. Lear. But ftill I prefs'd, and told the lovely Fair one My wakeful reſtleſs Agonies of Heart, My eager Fondneſs, and my growing Fears, The Pains of Doubt, and Horror of Defpair, With ev'ry Care which racks a Lover's Breaſt. At length the Ardour of my fervent Vows Drew from her fnowy Bofom, unawares, A pitying Sigh, and from her Eyes a Tear, The rich Reward of many anxious Minutes. At laſt ſhe ſpoke, and bleſs'd me with this Promiſe If there be yet a fmiling Hour behind, That ſhall the Grandeur of our Houſe reſtore : You, who have lov'd me in this Ebb of Fortune, Shall find a grateful Senſe in Antimora. Ag. She is indeed a Miracle of Goodneſs. Lear. She gave me Leave to ſee her every Day; But foon, alas! my Father's waking Jealouſy Dif- The CRUEL GIFT. 327 Diſcover'd where my conſtant Vows were paid, And urg'd the King I might be ſent Abroad. The Turkish War concluded juſt before, And Lombardy was by this Arm in Peace; And 'cauſe no warlike Expedition offer'd, I bore a peaceful Embaffy to Rome. Before I went, I ſaw the lovely Maid, And told her all the Cunning of my Father, With all the Tronble of my Soul at Parting; She bid me go, and ſaid it was my Duty To ferve my King in Peace, as well as War; Then breath'd a Sigh, and promis'd to be faithful. 'Twas thus we parted. Soon after I was gone, Oh, Agoniftus! fain I would forget it, My Father all our Letters intercepted; And, blinded with the daz'ling Luftre of a Throne, Rais'd his ambitious Thoughts to Leonora, And dar'd to aſk her for my Services. Ag. Unlucky Thought! Lear. Oh! moſt abhorr'd Ambition! For this my Father was diſplac'd from Court, And Lord Alcanor drew again in Favour. The Tuſcan War about that time broke out, When this Lorenzo, this young Rival-Warrior, Had firſt the Honour to command our Forces He rofe in Favour, while I fet in Shame. Ag. Swiftly he roſe, as if the Goddeſs Fortune Became enamour'd with his many Graces; No ſooner ſeen, but all her Smiles were on him. Lear. For this I was recall'd, diſgrac'd, upbraided, ruin'd, And baniſh'd from the fight of Antimora; Beneath her Window, wet with baleful Dew, All Night I lay, and told each Star my Grief. She prais'd my Change, confefs'd the Prince's Charms, And all Acceſs deny'd to wretched me; Till Love, long tortur'd on the Rack of Grief, Convinc'd her of my mueh-wrong'd Innocence; She ſmil'd, and bid me hope a better Day; But oh what Day can I expect to fee, If what my Father told me now be true? Cardono weds the beauteous Antimora; But haſte, my Friend, tell her Learchus dies, Whene'er 328 The CRUEL GIFT. Whene'er ſhe makes that hated Rival happy. Ag. I fly; but fee the Friends appear. Lear. Ha! how quickly my Spirits move; I'm all on fire : What head-ſtrong Rage does Jealouſy inſpire ? This is the Court, fafe from unhallow'd Strife ; When next we meet, guard well that hated Life; Thou shalt diſpute my Antimora's Charms, And through this Breaſt make Paſsage to her Arms. [Exit. Enter Lorenzo and Cardono. Lor. Was that Learchus parted hence? Card. It was. Lor. They fay his Mind is rich in ev'ry Virtue ; A Stranger to his Father's canker'd Malice, And of a friendly Nature; yet I know not, Something there is that whiſpers to my Soul, Beware that Race. Card. Oh, moſt prophetick Thought! Teach Antimora to beware it too; Forgive my Fears; Lovers have watchful Eyes; Or I miſtake, or he is much too happy. Lor. The Error of thy Fondnefs, nothing more ; She is the Daughter of Antipathy, Nurf'd up in Hate to that invet'rate Houſe, And, like myfelf, unalterable. Card. Fain, oh! very fain, would I believe thee My Hopes are center'd in that blooming Maid, And Life, without her, is not worth my Care : Yet when I ſpeak of my exceffive Paſſion, To me ſhe ſeems more cold than Mountain-Snow, And hears with Unconcern whate'er I fay; But if, by Chance, fome one Learchus name, A conſcious Bluſh o'erfpreads her Face, and ſtrait She turns away, to hide the riſing Joy. Lor. Sure, my Friend, thou doft miſtake her Looks ; That bold Afpirer, moft abhorr'd Antenor, Once dar'd to aſk the Princeſs for his Son: Oh! were it but for that prefumptuous Guilt, I'd fooner wed my Sifter to Diſhonour, To Mifery, or Death, than to Learchus. But fee! The comes! as I appointed her; I mean by gentle Means to aid thy Suit. Card. The Powers above affift thee. Enter The CRUEL GIFT. 329 Enter Antimora. Ant. Cardono with him! Oh! my boding heart. [Afide. Card. Who can deſcribe the Lover's painful Pleaſure At the Approach of his enchanting Fair? Anti. I come to know my deareſt Brother's Will. Lor. Come nearer, Sifter; why doft tremble ſo ? Haft thou a Cauſe for Fear, my Antimora ? Anti. I hope I need not fear, my gentle Brother; Whilft you are ſafe from War's deftructive Rage, And bleſs me with your Smiles, I have no Fear. Lor. Am I then dear to thee? tell me, my Sifter. Anti. Dear as my Life, my Virtue, or my Fame; You are the fondeſt, trueſt, beſt of Brothers. Tender and careful as a Guardian Angel : Since gracious Heaven took my Father from me, Thy kind Indulgence has fupply'd his Care ; That Providence may crown thy Hopes and Wiſhes, Is, each returning Morn, my firſt Requeſt. Lor. If thou would't have me credit theſe fond Accents, Which more, if poffible, endear thee to me, Look on Cardono -on this ſuffering Youth, Who treaſures all his future Hopes in thee; Pity his Sorrows, and prevent his Fate; And if no other Merit reach thy Knowledge, Remember that he is my Friend. Anti. That ſpeaks him of a noble Nature, Sir, And I ſhall ſtill regard him with Eſteem. Card. Too weak a Cordial to my fainting Heart, That fickens with Deſpair. Lor. Efteem! Think, I prithee, what I owe him, And help me to diſcharge the mighty Debt ; Oft in the Field he has my Life preſerv'd, [Afide. When, warm'd with Slaughter, I have ruſh'd too far, And plung'd myſelf amongſt my thickeſt Foes, Hemm'd round with Death; and yet he broke thro' all, Reſolv'd to reſcue, or to periſh with me. Anti. Superior Virtue cannot mifs Reward. Lor. Thou muſt reward him, Siſter; yes, thou muſt, If I have any Intereſt in thy Breaſt; If I have well obey'd our Father's Charge, And been a Father to thee; or, if thou Haft 330 The CRUEL GIFT. Haft not forgot his dying laſt Command, Never to wed without my Approbation, Then, if thou'dft know me happy, make him fo. Anti. Forbear, thou kind Protector of my Youth, Forbear to wound thy Antimora thus ; Nor vainly aſk what I can never grant. There was a Time you wou'd have fought my Peace? Give me not Cauſe to think you love me leſs. Lor. Thou'rt dearer to me than the Smile of Kings, My Hopes of Glory, or immortal Fame ; And therefore 'tis that I wou'd place thee here, Safe in the Arms of this deſerving Man, Who merits, and who fondly loves thee. Anti. Think you, my Lord Cardono, this the Way? Uſe your Authority to gain your Wiſhes? Power may diſpoſe of Life; but reſt affur'd A gen'rous Mind can never be compell'd. Card. Alas! my Friend, your Kindneſs has undone me. Lor. Take heed, my Sifter, how you wake mine Anger, Which will, like Light'ning blait thy unwary Soul : Is there a Form thy erring Choice prefers To this brave Man? My Rage will find him out, And hurl a fwift Deftruction on his Head: Nay, do not weep. Tears will avail thee nothing; Can it be poffible thou ſhouldſt forget From whence thou art, and liſten to Learchus, The Son of that vile Parricide Antenor? Deteſted Thought! Anti. Oh wretched Antimora! Lor. Ha! dar'ft thou to figh for him, degen'rate Wretch ! Then hear me, Madam, and obferve me well; Teach thy fond Heart t'accept the proffer'd Good, Or from thy Diſobedience date long Woe; Affection ſhall give Place to vow'd Severity; Unſeen, unnam'd, unpity'd, ſhalt thou live, And waſte the tedious Hours in vain Remorfe; Nor will I ever hold Difcourfe with thee, But to upbraid thy Weakneſs. Anti. Oh! my Brother! my only Friend on Earth! Recall thofe Words, thofe dreadful hafty Words, And rather kill me any other Way. [Kneels. Card. The CRUEL GIFT. 331 Card. Oh! hold Lorenzo, I can bear no more. [Raifes her. Jealoufy, Diſappointments, and Deſpair, Are Joys to what my Heart this Moment feels; She muſt have Eaſe, whatever comes of me. Anti. Where have you loft your wonted Tenderneſs? Think if our deareſt Father now were living, And ſhould impoſe ſuch harfh Commands on you, Againſt your Inclination, charge you wed, Or if like me you lov'd where Tyes of Duty Make that Love a Crime, what would you do? Lor. She touches me indeed-Prithee comply. Anti. If Antimora may have Leave to plead ; If I have yet a Place in your Eſteem; If from your Breaſt you have not raz'd me quite ; Give to my throbbing Heart a little Time To weigh the many Cares that hang upon it; And I muſt beg, that you, my Lord Cardono, No longer would infift upon his Power; Urge not a Cauſe, that may increaſe Debate Between the kindeſt, moſt united Pair That e'er one Mother bore. Card. Severe Requeft; but I obey. Lor. Take thy Defire, my Sifter; but remember, That if you wou'd preferve a Brother's Love, Let not the Woman fway thee to thy Ruin. Go then, I fay, and fummon all thy Reaſo n, Direct the Ballance with an even Hand; Confider Duty, Honour, Gratitude, Are poiz'd againſt that Trifle, Inclination. Then let impartial Judgment guide thy Choice; Tear from thy Virgin Breaſt th' inglorious Paffion, If thou regard'ft thy own, or Brother's Fame. Car. Remember my Defpair, for the ſame Breath Which makes him happy, gives me certain Death. [Exit Lorenzo and Cardono. Anti. What dire malignant Planet rul'd my Fate? Why was I born to love where I fhould hate? Where I fhould hate! No, I fhould all Things love, Such are the Dictates of the Powers above; Then what they teach, they furely will defend, On their great Care ſhall all my Hopes depend, To crown my Love, or give my Life an End. [Exit. Enter 332 The CRUEL GIFT. Enter Antenor, and hears her last Words. Ante. Curſe on thy Brother, how I hate his Sight; Yet, like his evil Genius, I purſue him, I have alarm'd the King; that Work is o'er ; And now th' Embaſſadors from Tuſcany, Purſuant to th' Advice I ſent that Duke, Bring with them Propofitions for a Marriage, And with unweary'd Diligence attend And watch thoſe Steps which bring his Ruin on, Between that Prince and Leonora. To-day they have their Audience of the King; Methinks it fuits my Purpoſe well : But fee, the King appears. Enter King. King. Where art thou hid, Antenor? When moſt I want thee, thou doft fhun me moſt ; I like it not. Ant. What would my gracious Lord? King. Thou haft convey'd a Sting into my Breaſt, Which ftill, the more I labour to draw forth, With double Anguiſh deeper points its Way. What doft thou know, that has ſo greatly mov'd thee T'inftil the fubtil Poiſon of Diſtruſt, And ftir my Nature up againſt my Child? Ant. If my inceffant Duty, careful Fears, Ever upon the Guard for you and Glory, Offend my Royal Mafter, I am filent; Forgive my Zeal, and I'll obſerve no more. King. I know Ambition is thy darling Sin, "'Bating that I do believe thee honeſt; Then leave theſe doubling Arts, and ſpeak thy Purpoſe, Why dost thou figh, and fold thy aged Arms, Expreſſive Signs of fome approaching Miſchief, Still warning me, in Whiſpers, as I paſs, To obſerve the Princeſs Leonora ? Ant. This I have done : But if I am too loyal, too fincere ; If Apprehenſion grows too ſwift in me, Give up the Charge you did intruſt me with, To fome more worthy of your Confidence ; Who, The CRUEL GIFT. 333 Who, when they have obey'd your ſtrict Command, And learnt each private Motion of your Court, May cautiouſly diſcover what will pleaſe, And paſs in Silence what you fear to know. King. Tortures and Death! pierce me at once, and ſpeak Whate'er it be, and rid my Expectation. Some fecret Plot againſt my Life and Crown. Much rather had I hear of brooding Treaſon, Of raging Peftilence, or blazing Cities, Prodigious Earthquakes, univerſal Ruin, Than ought which touches Leonora's Fame. Ant. That I had dy'd, ere given the Secret vent ; I beg your Majefty will urge no more This hated Subject. King. Urge not my Temper! no, I charge thee do not; Thou haft rais'd my Curiofity ſo high, Or give me Eaſe, or Racks fhall force it from thee. Ant. What fad Deſtruction tears my aged Breaſt ! Oh! think how much the Tale will wound you Sir, And let me keep the fatal Secret hid. King. Speak, I command thee. Ant. Oh, my tortur'd Soul! the Princeſs loves- King. Say'ft thou! ha! whom does fhe Love? Ant. The fatal Secret trembles on my Tongue, And fears to fall-Lorenzo. King. Ha! have a Care, I ſhall not credit this too eaſily. Ant. Alas! great Sir, my Heart would dance with Joy, Could I but doubt the wretched Truth I tell, Which I fhall ever mourn; but 'tis moſt certain Her Heart and beauteous Perfon are beſtow'd On that ſelected Man- King. Traytor, 'tis falfe! I know thou hat'ft Lorenzo ; The ancient Quarrel 'twixt his Blood and thine Has made a Villain of thee- Ant. This I fear'd! Oh! hard Return for Loyalty! King. If thou doft not prove this Accuſation, Thy Head ſhall anſwer it. Ant. Be it as you ſay. If I diſcover not, near to the Bower, A Place thro' which at Midnight he's let in ; And 334 The CRUEL GIFT. And fure the Purpoſe is not hard to gueſs. King. Do this, Antenor, and my Heart is thine; My Pulfe beats high, impatient of Revenge, And Speech grows painful, choak'd with Indignation ; Down all my wild Refentments for a while, And let me fee, and judge like Majeſty. Oh! Leonora, if thou'rt fall'n fo low, To hold thy nightly Revels with my Slave, There's not a Rack thy Crimes can make me feel, Cut I will double it upon you both : Ling'ring, unheard of Torments you ſhall prove, And curfe the fatal Sweets of guilty Love. [Exeunt. ACT II. SCENE a Room of State. The King and Leonora feated on a Throne, attended by Antenor, Lorenzo, Lear- chus, Cardono, Agoniftus, &C. Embaffadors at a Distance. King. MY What 'tis the Duke of Tuscany demands ; Y Lords, I've in this Preſence choſe to hear Proceed, and let us know your Meffage. Emb. Our Royal Maſter, much renown'd in Arms, (Witneſs the many Conquefts he has gain'd, Tho' Victory of late declar'd for you) Charg'd us to ſay, Succeſs is not inſur'd ; You cannot bribe the fickle Goddeſs; ſtay, She will not long forfake his vet'ran Bands, Choice harden'd Troops, unus'd to fly the Field : But yet to cultivate a Friendſhip with you, So firm and ſtrict, it may to Ages laft; Yet, even now, whilſt ready Warriors wait, He offers Peace. King. On what Conditions does your Maſter ſend? Emb. Conditions, Sir! he did not term 'em ſo, But Supplication to your Royal Will, That this fair Princefs, beauteous Leonora, Would, with your Leave, receive him for a Huſband. Lor. The CRUEL GIFT 335 Lor. Ha! Emb. And join the long diſputed Lands, in Peace, To theſe of Lombardy. Ant. I ſee Lorenzo gathers up his Brows; This Propoſal ſtings him to the Soul. [Afide. King. Had he been Conqueror, thus he might have aſk'd; But tell your Duke I have not yet forgotten His great Injuſtice to the Duke of Milan. He took th' Advantage of the Turkish War, When all my Force was bent againſt the Infidels, To chaſe my Uncle from his Dukedom forth, And fet a bold Ufurper in his Stead. Theſe Twenty Years he has an Exile been, He, and one only Son; nor know we where, Or to what Country, if alive, they're driven; By which my Daughter is become the Heir Of this my Kingdom; yet I'll not force her Will, But leave it free; and therefore ſhe ſhall anſwer ye. Lor. A thouſand Bleffings follow that Indulgence. [Afide. Leon. Since I've my Royal Father's Leave to ſpeak, I tell you, Sirs, that your Requeſt is bold. Your finking Maſter, half ſubdu'd, demands Our populous Kingdom to recruit his own, And I muſt be the Paſſport to convey it. There's more Ambition in his Eyes than Love ; 'Tis for my Dowry, not for me he ſues. Tell him I fcorn his Offer, with his Crown; And when (tho' long avert it, gracious Heaven) This happy Kingdom ſhall devolve on me, I will defend it with my utmoſt Strength, To this ſmall Tract of Earth, whereon I ſtand, Ere give a Nation to a vanquiſh'd Foe. He ſhould have been the Monarch of the World His conqu❜ring Legions drawn around our Walls ; His batt'ring Cannon playing on the Town, And dreadful Famine raging thro' the Streets; ; Our trembling Maids and Matrons drown'd in Tears, Ere this Way made Propoſals for a Peace. Lor. The Mufick of the Spheres dwell in her Voice, And everlaſting Love upon her Tongue. [Afide. Emb. 336 The CRUEL GIFT. Emb, Is this the Anſwer we muſt carry back? And does your Majefty approve this Scorn? King. I do; ſo tell your Duke from me. Emb. Then once again prepare for Battle, Sir ; You'll find our Maſter ſtrong enough to cope ye, And make you well repent this haughty Port. King. Let him come on again, we'll vanquiſh him; Go. bring your boaſted Squadrons to the Field; I've not a Man but glows with eager Courage, To meet, and chaſe them o'er the bloody Plain. Emb. Your boaſted Valour frights us not, great Sir, But fpurs us to the Field. [Ex. Ambafadors. King. Now let me embrace by brave Defenders; Lorenzo, thou art welcome to my Arms; Nature in thee has ſhewn a Prodigy ; In War thou'rt fierce, in Peace the Child of Softnefs; One would imagine Envy's felf might ſpare thee. Lor. The mighty Favours which you heap upon me, My Royal Maſter, fill my Soul with Gratitude. King. But wherefore keeps Learchus from our Prefence; Is there not Room in Hearts of mighty Kings To hold the Worth of all deferving Men! Lear. I attend your Majefty. King. Come near, Learchus, thou haſt ſerv'd me well, And though of late thou haſt not fought my Battles, For fecret Reaſons from thy Charge remov'd, I love thee ftill; and to confirm I do, I make the Governor of the Citadel And Royal Fort. Lear. My Life ſhall anſwer for th' important Truſt : Will Antimora come? [To Agoniſtus. Ago. She anfwer'd me, in Tears, ſhe would. [Afide to him. Ant. The King feems greatly pleas'd, and wifely hides The Purpoſe he intends—ſhort are your Joys, Ye falſe ones! [Afide. Leon. The King, my Lord, is laviſh in your Praiſe; But where ſhould grateful Monarchs caft their Smiles, If not on Heroes that have ferv'd them truly? Lor. I plead no Merit for my Service, Madam ; I owe my Prince's Bounty this Applaufe. If The CRUEL GIFT. 337 If I fee thee not this Night, my Laurels fade, And certain Death ere Morning will o'ertake me. [Afide to Leonora. Leon. We are obſerv'd, the Paſſage ſhall be open. Ant. By their Eyes I know the Appointment's made; That Whiſper told the Hour-Did they but know How very fatal I ſhall make their meeting, Their Inclination would grow cool upon't. It joys my Soul to think I ſhall undo them. King. Meet me here fome Moments hence, Antenor; And now let all withdraw but Leonora. [Exeunt. Daughter, methinks this Day you're doubly mine; Your Words contain'd whate'er my Heart could wiſh; In thee alone I treaſure all my Hopes, And have in thee forgot thy Mother's Lofs. And well, I think, thou wilt deſerve this Fondneſs: Say, wilt thou not, my Child? Surely thou wilt, And ne'er be juſtly caft from out my Breaſt. Leon. Alas! what means my Father? Why this Caution? King. You have this Day diſdain'd a Sov'reign Prince; Let no mean Choice diſgrace ſo juſt a Pride, And fully all thy Virgin Fame at once; But, like my Child, like thee, apparent Heir Of our fair Lombardy, fupport thy Grandeur. Leon. My Heart beats faſt at the Alarm of Fear. [Afide. King. I do remember thou haft often told me, Thy Heart burnt only with the Fire of Greatneſs, And Love no Converſe held within thy Bofom; And that my Glory fill'd each Thought of thine, And bore thee up to Empire. Leon. Wherein have I betray'd more Weakneſs, Sir? And why am I accus'd of Difobedience? King. Do I accuſe thee, Leonora? No: I warn thee only of degenerate Love. Cou'd I accufe, I ſhould not argue thus ; Thou know'ft my Temper is compos'd of Fire, Tho', like the Steel, when unprovok'd 'tis cool? But if the Flint of Diſobedience ſtrikes, Fierce Sparks fly out, and threaten Ruin round. Leon. Do not I guard the Actions of my Life With all that duteous Care which you directed? Do not I wait my Royal Father's Will, P 22 VOL. II. 338 The CRUEL GIFT. Deny Acceſs to all the fhining Court? Except in publick, and by your Command, I never ſee the Heroes of our Age. King. Pray Heaven it prove fo. [Afide. Leon. Within the Bower, by yourſelf affign'd, Do I not paſs my Time amongſt my Maids, Nor once appear, but when you call me forth? King. All this I know, at leaſt I think I know it. Leon. Think! grant, Heav'n, I'm not betray'd! [Afide. King. But do not truſt to ſecret Management; For Kings have many Eyes, and watchful all, As thoſe bright Lamps of Heaven, that wake for ever; They can, tho' all the Curtains of the Night Be drawn, and folemn Darkneſs reigns around, Diſcover every Action of their Court. Leon. 'Tis fo! and we are certainly undone. I cannot gueſs what 'tis my Father means, Or what the Purport of your Words intend. If any Villain has traduc'd my Fame, And render'd me ſuſpected to your Majefty, Give me to know my vile Accuſer ſtrait, And let the Wretch confront me inſtantly. King. If thou art innocent, as I hope thou art, Then thou haft nought to fear. [Afide. Leon. If I am innocent! Oh my throbbing Heart Flutters and leaps as it would force my Breaſt, And muſt portend ſome Miſchief. Enter Antenor. Ha! now I no longer am concern'd to know Who has created all theſe Doubts within you; For here, here comes the ſubtle working Mole, [Afide. That heaves your Breaft, and breaks the Plain of Nature, Purely for Miſchief, and his own Revenge; That you refus'd his Son, ftill galls his Soul; The Viper feem'd but to have loft his Sting, Till he had wound himſelf into your Bofom, Where he at once might ſtrike your tend’reſt Part. Ant. Alas! what have I done, my gracious Princefs? Leon. Go on, vile Politician, I defy thee; Spread all thy Nets, and magnify Sufpicion, Till it appears as great as thy own Villainy, In The CRUEL GIFT. 339 In a moſt hideous, moft gigantick Form, To fright the World from thy Society; From thy own Boweis ſpin the pois'nous Thread, That may entangle Innocence and Honour : My ſpotleſs Fame fhall break thy Cobweb Arts; My Virtue all thy treacherous Plots confound, And, like a Bolt of Thunder, ftrike thee to the Ground. [Exit Leonora. Ant. I foon fhall calm this guilty Rage, Has then my Royal Lord inform'd the Princeſs Of his Sufpicion, that ſhe's thus provok'd Againſt the humbleft Servant of his Will, And threatens to deftroy me? King. If what thou haft declar'd be honeſt Truth, Thou can'ft not fear, thou haft a King thy Guard; But take thou heed, be careful in the Proof; Thou ſeeſt ſhe does defy thee. Ant. Her Paffion fhews her Guiltinefs the more; It is the Nature of the Sex to do it: They think to ſcreen their Faults with empty Clamour, And ſtop our juft Refentment with their Noiſe; But if your Majefty diſcover'd aught That may inſtruct her to prevent our Purpoſe, Then I muſt fall a Sacrifice indeed. King. Thou'rt ſafe from that; proceed, and fay Haft thou learnt more fince laft I faw thee? Ant. This Night I know they meet, I've plac'd a Spy, Who is to give me Notice when they're met; And then- King. They then ſhall part for ever. Ant. Pleaſe you to walk towards the Laurel-Grove, Where I have order'd this old Spy to meet us. King. Thy Words add but freſh Fuel to my Flame : Lead on, and let me view at once my Shame, And with his Blood waſh off th' inglorious Stain. [Exeunt. Enter Learchus meeting Antimora in Tears. Lear. Why doft thou dreſs thoſe beauteous Eyes in Tears? Why does thy Bofom thus with Sorrow heave? Where are the Gates of foft confenting Love, To breathe new Life, and wake my dying Hopes? Anti. Alas! Learchus, Fate's become our Foe, P 2 And 340 The CRUEL GIFT. And now the fatal Warrant's iffu'd forth To blaſt our Loves, and part our meeting Souls; Elfe, why ſhould ſuch a faithful Pair as we, So often be obſtructed in our Happineſs? Lear. Oh! much I fear; my Father ſpoke too true. [Afide. What means my Love? has there fome new Misfortune Sprung up to intercept our promis'd Joy? Anti. Is not thy Father fond of Wealth and Power, And deaf to all thy tender Sighs of Love? His cruel Nature never will forgive, Nor will my Brother bear to hear his Name; But what is worfe, far worſe than that, this Day He has commanded me to love his Friend; And, Spight of all Objections I can make, He grows, like Fate, inexorable. Lear. Oh! Antimora! Love's become enrag'd At thy too tedious, thy too long Delay, And this Way takes to mar our promis'd Joys, And thus revenge the Breach of his Command, For difobeying his firſt eldeſt Law. Why throw we not this Tyrant Duty off, And from blefs'd Hymen's Torch light up that Flame, Which only can expire with our Lives? To humble Plains let us from Courts retire, Serene and quiet as the firſt kind Pair, Before Ambition taught the Way to Sin. Anti. Nay, even there our cruel Foes would find us out, And, Time, perhaps, might change thy Nature too, When thou ſhould'ſt find thy Father's Hate incline To banish thee for ever from his Breaſt. Then thou would'ft turn thy Eyes upon this Eace, And ſcornfully difdain what now allures thee, And to fome Rival, fairer in thy Eyes, Sacrifice thy Antimora. Lear. Why doft thou ſeek for Words to wound my Soul? Is there, throughout this ſpacious Globe of Earth, Another Woman I would change thee for? Auti. Oh! thou doft flatter me, alas, in vain ; We were not born to make each other happy. Lear. Art thou not proof againſt thy Brother then? Say! muft I be fupplanted by Cardono? Anti. The CRUEL GIFT. 341 ; Anti. Witneſs theſe ſtreaming Eyes, with Sorrow full This faithful Heart, which pants to every Fear, No other he ſhall e'er poffefs this Breaſt : No, my Learchus, thou art Lord of me ; My Vows to thee, Death, only Death ſhall break. Lear. O Tranſport ! Anti. If I have wiſh'd or had one Moment's Care, Or any Hope, but once to be thy Wife, Deprive me, Heaven, of all your Bleffings here; Let endleſs Wailings and eternal Shame Surround and blaſt my Fame and me for ever. Lear. O! Words to heal, and charm Deſpair away, And Vows as faithful as a dying Saint: But thefe, my Love, do but increaſe my Pain: To know thee true, and not to know thee mine, Is plunging me at once in greater Miſery. Oh! fay, thou fecret Ruler of my Fate, Why am I kept thus ling'ring on the Rack? If, by your hard Decrees, I am to lofe This beauteous Pattern of your wond'rous Skill, This lovely, faithful Partner of my Heart, In Mercy double all your Store of Curſes, Then hurl them down on this devoted Head, And at one Stroke diſpatch me. Anti. Ceaſe to offend thoſe awful Powers, from whom We only can expect to find Redreſs: With Patience wait for me as I for thee ; Some lucky Minute may perhaps appear To blefs our Hopes, and confummate our Vows; Oh! were our Houſe's Quarrel but compos'd, We then might be moſt happy. Lear. I could curfe all that keep thoſe Feuds awake Did not my Duty hufh me into Silence. Anti. Be calm, my Love, and truft my Virgin Vows : Truft thy own Heart, and our united Souls ; Time and our Conftancy, ſhall conquer all. From Age to Age by ev'ry faithful Pair, The Story of our Paſſion ſhall be told, And Lovers quote it, to expreſs their own by. But prithee go, left Envy ſhould betray us : Soon as the Princeſs to her Privacy P 3 (As 342 The CRUEL GIFT. As 'tis her Cuſtom every Day) retires, I'll meet thee here again. Lear. Wilt thou, my Love, my deareſt Antimora? Angels protect and guard my lovely Maid; Still blefs her Days with circling downy Joys, And crown with balmy Slumbers all her Nights; Dreſs all her dreams with tendereſt Thoughts of me, And let 'em whiſper to her faithful Heart How much Learchus loves her. Anti. May gracious Heaven upon thy Head fhow'r down All thofe choice Bleffings thou haft begg'd for me; May Joys attend thee, lafting as thy Flame, Great as thy Worth, and glorious as thy Virtues. Leor. O matchlefs Excellence! One kind Embrace, one fragrant Kifs beſtow! Oh! Joy fupream! O perfect Bliſs below! Oh, Antimora, fhou'd I more receive, Should Fortune give me all thou haft to give, My Strength wou'd fail, and I want Power to live. ACT III. SCENE the Princess's Apartment. Enter Leonora and Lorenzo. A Lorenzo i [Exeunt. Leon. H Why haft thou rafhly diſobey'd my Meſſage? Lor. What means my Love? Leon. Saw'st thou not my Page? I fent him to thee, And in my Letter warn'd thee not to come; I fear we meet in fecret now no longer. Lor. I faw him not; but whence proceeds this Fear? Leon. Antenor, that old fubtle lurking Villain, This Day has hinted fomething to the King, And tho' in outward Form I bore it off, I with Confuſion ſhudder'd all within : None but the holy Man, who join'd our Hands, Whoſe Faith undoubted knows our fecret Loves; And yet I tremble left we are betray'd. Lor. Be calm, my Love; we muſt, we are ſecure ; Come to my Arms, and loſe all Thoughts of Fear. 'Twas I diſcover'd firft this hidden Cave. This fecret Paſſage to this bliſsful Bow'r, Hew'd by theſe Hands alone, at dead of Night, Not The CRUEL GIFT. 343 Not truſting any other with my Purpoſe; Whilft Love, propitious to our Mutual Wiſhes, Blefs'd my Endeavours, and inſpir'd my Strength. Thus unperceiv'd by the malicious World, I ſteal to lovely Leonora's Boſom, And gather there what Kings requeſt in vain. Leon. Oh! Youth belov'd! thou Darling of my Soul? Thy Words would charm, and lull my Fears aſleep, Were there not ſomething more than common in them. Lor. Oh, my fair Princeſs! by our Loves I fwear, The happieſt Moments of our Life, are theſe ; Theſe which I paſs with beauteous Leonora. Thou art the Guardian Angel, that defends me Thro' all the various Dangers of the Field; The Mem❜ry of theſe Kiffes fire my Soul; And fond Defire of ſeeing thee again, Gives true Herculean Courage to my Arm. Ye dull Philofophers that place Delight And mighty Pleaſure in anything but Love, My Leonora's Form ne'er fill'd your Eye, Nor ſhot her Beams of Light into your Soul. Oh! thou art fairer than the Poets feign The Queen of Love, in her moſt artful Dreſs; Thy very Smiles are Graces waiting round, Upon thy Lips the little Cupids hang, And baſk and wanton in the Eyes by Turns. Leon. My deareſt Lord, my faithful Huſband, ceaſe, Theſe laviſh Raptures which thy Love inſpires. I that have liſten'd to thy Voice all Day, With equal Tranſport claſp'd thee in my Arms, And bounded every Wiſh within thy Bofom, Now fhrink and tremble at this fatal Meeting, For fomething boding hovers o'er my Heart, And checks the wonted Joy thy Prefence brings. Be gone, my Love, and endleſs Bleffings wait thee. Lor. Unkindly urg'd; why wilt thou puſh me from thee? Pleaſure forfakes me, when I quit theſe Arms. In Council or in Camp, my Soul's with thee, And my charm'd Tongue can ſcarce forbear thy Name; For Love and Leonora fill my Mind. Thou'rt all the Subject that my Thoughts purſue ; Oh that I could hold thee thus for ever, P 4 Not 344 The CRUEL GIFT. Not all the Wealth that Indian Mines produce, Should bribe me to forfake thee. Leon. Thy exceffive Paffion will undo us; Prithee, no more—I do conjure thee leave me. Lor. Oh thou haft rais'd me to fuch Height of Bliſs, That when my Soul is fummon'd hence by Fate, To taſte the promis'd Joys of Paradise, It cannot fure be more tranſported there. Enter King and Antenor above. Ant. Now let your Majefty believe your Ears. King. I cannot! they are falfe-Confound the Traytor; 'Tis Magick fure- 'Tis not Leonora. Leon. Hark! heard you not a Voice? Sure'twas my Name, Ant. Speak lower, Sir, or you will lofe your Prey. Lor. Thy Fears alone invade thy Ear, my Queen. King. Ha! his Queen! His Head ſhall anſwer for the Treaſon. Lor. Unbroken Silence reigns around this Place, And nought intrudes, but murm'ring Sighs of Love. Leon. Sure 'tis the Terror of the Night, I feel, Or elſe ſome boding Miſchief threatens near: Methinks I fee Antenor waiting ſtill, The ready Inftrument of Fate he ſtands. I know not why, but ftill my Thoughts are on him, As if my Genius whiſper'd me, Beware; For he alone will ruin all thy Peace, And yet my dear Defender muſt be gone : Nay, do not loiter then, but haſte away, When thou art ſafe, perhaps my Fears may ceafe. Lor. And wilt thou drive me from theſe Arms fo foon? And doft thou think I can confent to leave thee? Love is not fatisfied with Words alone ; He would have kinder, ſofter Entertainment. Leon. When did I beg for parting till this Hour: Something there is that whiſpers to my Heart, This Meeting will be fatal to us both; And yet thou❜lt ſtay and pull our Ruin on. Lor. Hafte thee, aufpicious Regent of the Night, And fudden bid the friendly Shades return, When on my Bofom thou fhalt loſe theſe Fears. Leon. Perhaps they ſpring but from this Day's Alarm If The CRUEL GIFT. 345 If ſo it prove, forgive a Woman's Weakneſs. Away; open the Cave, defcend, and leave me ; If nothing intervene to crofs our Wiſhes, To-morrow Night I will again expect thee. Lor. Death only can deprive that Expectation; Farewel, thou faireſt, beſt of all thy Kind. [Opens the Trap, and defcends. King. Well haft thou faid; Death fhall prevent thy Hopes. Hafte then, Antenor; thou who know'ft the Paffage, Go, take my Guards, and feize th' audacious Traytor. Ant. I fly, my gracious Sovereign. [Exit King and Antenor. Leon. Farewel! Alas! why did he ſay Farewel? That was, methinks, unluckily expreſs'd. How apt is Nature, when the Fancy works, To obſerve each trifling Word as ominous? Why theſe unneceffary doubts upon me? Have I done aught to fully my fair Name, Or taint my Virtue in this fecret Choice? In Fame's Record Lorenzo foremoſt ſtands The firſt of Heroes, yet furpafs'd by none. No conſcious Bluſhes to my Cheeks can riſe, Which drag Repentance from a guilty Mind. He is my Huſband, and my Soul's at Peace; That Thought fupports me thro' all Storms of Fate, No pois'nous Damp below can blaſt my Love, Secure of juſt Protection from Above. SCENE a Grove adjoining to the Bower. Enter Antenor and Guards. [Exit. Ant. Here plant yourſelves, here, on this very Spot, And from that Cave you'll inſtantly behold Th' impious Traytor which you are to ſeize, And bear a Pris'ner to the Royal Fort. Be not furpriz'd when you behold the Man; 'Tis the King's Order, and you must obey; The Crime is what deſerves no good Man's Pity. Capt. Our Bus'nefs is not to diſpute, my Lord. Ant. Now, tow'ring Lord Lorenzo, thou ſhalt fall ; Thy better Fortune ſmiles no longer on thee : The fatal Sifters have refign'd to me P 5 The 346 The CRUEL GIFT. The flender Thread which holds thy mortal Being; And like an Arrow thro' the yielding Air, I fly with eager Hafte to cut it-Yes, Thou once remov'd, my Son again ſhall riſe ; When I have prov'd the haughty Princefs guilty, And in a Father's Breaft difarm'd her Power, She'll dare no more t'oppoſe my purpos'd Greatneſs, Be ready, for the Mole begins to work-Seize him. Lor. Ha! Villains! [The Trap opens, and Lorenzo comes up; they ſeize him. Capt. Ha! what do I fee? Oh! why to me gave you this Charge, my Lord? Wou'd I had dy'd, ere I had rais'd my Hand Againſt the braveſt, beſt of Men in War, Set him free again [To the Guards. Ant. Your very Life ſhall anſwer his Eſcape; He dies, that dares to mention Freedom for him. Lor. O, Traytor! art thou there, thou ſubtle Fiend; Thou blackest truſty Inſtrument of Hell? Nay, then I know my Doom's irrevocable. Now, Fellow Soldiers, bear your General hence, To darkest Dungeons, cruel Racks, or Death; His Sight is worſe than all the Pains they bring. Ant. Rail on, and ſee who thou canst wound with Words; All other Means are wanting to thee now. Lor. No, thou'rt not worth my Breath; and I diſdain thee: Come, my brave Warriors who fo oft have been My Country's Bulwarks, and her ſure Defence ; You, who at my Command have ſcatter'd Death As thick as Corn from out the Sower's Hand, And drove whole Armies o'er the bloody Plain, Let not my Fate miſguide your loyal Minds. Tho' none can guard againſt a Villain's Arts, Fortune can ne'er fubdue a brave Man's Soul: In Love and War, I've reach'd the topmoft Summit, And Ages hence I ſhall be read with Wonder; Whilft thou, the moſt deteſted of thy Kind, Shalt be with Horror mentioned-Lead on. Ant. Stay, I command you, till this Wretch ſhall know To me alone he owes this Turn of Fate. 'Twas I that watch'd your Midnight Steps, and found That dark Conveyance to your wanton Sports. Lor. The CRUEL GIFT. 347 Lor. Hold, Monſter! Hell-hound; for thy Life I charge thee, Touch not a Fame thy Mother never knew ; Nor thy whole Lineage of the Female Race, E'er fince the firſt created Maid appear'd; With Care correct thy bold blafpheming Tongue, Left from the Root I tear the Viper out, And make thee curfe thou e'er hadft Uſe of Speech. Ant. Ha, ha, ha! away with him, and do as I com- manded. Enter Antimora. Anti. What horrid Noiſe invades this peaceful Place? I promis'd here to meet the lovely Youth. What do I fee, my Brother ſeiz'd! Oh, ſay What fatal Miſchief wrought this ſudden Change! Lor. Where ſhould the fatal Miſchief be! but there? Has Hell a more malicious Fiend than he? Yet in thy Boſom thou wilt hide his Faults, Embrace his Blood, that gives thy Brother Death. Go, hang upon the Neck of his afpiring Son, And kneel for Bleffings from th' infectious Sire. Forget my Choice, thy Family, and Name, And be th' adopted Child to him I hate ; But from this Moment fee my Face no more. Anti. O, Brother? oh my tortur'd Soul ! Ante. My Son ! Perdition ſeize him in that Hour He dares to diſobey the Charge I gave; Never to think of ought belongs to thee, I'd rather ſee him on the racking Wheel, Impal'd, or dead, before my aching Eyes, Than wedded into any Blood of thine. Away with him, And at your Peril lodge him in the Dungeon. Lor. Yes, Leonora, I will die for thee, Without a Groan give up this Puff of Breath : But when I think what Horror, what Deſpair Will rend thy Breaſt, for thee alone I fear. ^[Exit guarded. Anti. Barbarians hold! O! let me ſpeak but to him, He's gone, and will not deign to look upon me. What fudden Star has clouded all my Glory? Our Family is grown the Sport of Fortune, That 348 The CRUEL GIFT. That, like a Ball, fhe toffes to and fro : This Morning view'd him the Support of Kings ; This Evening fhews he wants Support himſelf. O the uncertain Favours of a Court ! Let me think-What, is my Brother feiz'd by him Who gave Learchus Being?— -And fhall I Stay here, and liſten to his am'rous Tale? No, Antimora, arm thy tender Breaſt With Reſolution, and fly hence for ever; And let thy Fame and Brother fill thy Soul: But oh! th' Experiment is hard to make, To hate Learchus for his Father's Sake! Enter Learchus. Lear. My Ears the Echo caught of fad Deſpair; What of Learchus? What of Hate, my Love? Methinks thofe Words from Antimora's Tongue, Blaft, like the Northern Wind, the op'ning Buds. Anti. No, Hate and thee, Learchus, are become Infeparable Partners from this Moment; For oh! there ſtands a Bar between our Loves, That from each other fevers us for ever. Be baniſh'd then both from my Eyes and Heart; 'Tis owing all to thy infidious Father, By whom my deareſt Brother is betray'd. Curfe, curfe, Learchus, curſe the fatal Hour, When the foft Paffion took poffeffion firſt Of our too eaſy Breaſts, by Fate forbidden : Curſe the rebellious Thought which firſt inclin'd, And made us liften to each other's Vows. But oh! ten thouſand Curfes on the Cauſe, Yes, multiply them, Heav'n, and fix 'em alĺ, All on thy Father's Guilt, which parts us now! [Exit. Lear. I am aftoniſh'd! Stay, my Love-ſhe's gone, And left me in ſuch Labyrinths of Thought, My Senfes all feem wilder'd! Enter Agoniſtus. Ago. My Lord, why ſtand you muſing here alone, When all the Court's in Hurry and Confuſion? Your Father has difcover'd to the King Some horrid Treafon by Lorenzo done, For which he's fent a Pris'ner to the Fort. Lear. The CRUEL GIFT. 349 Lear. Say'ft thou! a Pris'ner then I know the Cauſe Of Antimora's killing Grief. Away, And let me learn the Story of his Crimes. [Exeunt. SCENE changes to the Princeſs's Apartment. She is difcover'd reading. Leon. Here have I met a Tale fo mourn'd by Ovid, So tenderly exprefs'd to move our Pity, Where Canace, by her Father's dread Command, Preſents the Dagger to her tender Breaſt. Ha! why am I alarm'd at this ?-Her Guilt Is what my chafter Boſom never knew ; And yet methinks I feel a Fear upon me. Enter Lady. Lady. O pardon my Intruſion, Royal Madam, The King denies without to hear us ſpeak, But with a fullen clouded Brow demands To ſee you inſtantly- Leon. He does not uſe to treat me thus; but go, Call in my Women, and leave free the Paffage. Enter Ladies, and ſtand behind her. Then the King and Guards. King. Guards, wait without. Leon. My Royal Father! King. Difmifs your idle Train ; This is a Scene of Life for us alone, [Rifes. And where you'll find there's no Attendance wanted. Leon. Whatever, Sir, you purpoſe to relate, Your Daughter yet has never learn'd to fear. Ladies, withdraw [Exeunt Ladies. King. And art thou then ſo harden'd in thy Crimes? Oh! let my Heart forget a Father's Fondnefs! Let ſofter Pity fly to fuff'ring Saints, Nor once invade the Conference we hold. Leon. I cannot guefs the Tale you mean to tell, But by your Aſpect know it muſt be dreadful. Oh? all ye Powers who fee, and rule this World, Give me, in this fevere Extremity, My Father's Soul, to ftand my Father's Charge. My Mother's Purity's already mine! King. 350 The CRUEL GIFT. King. Ha! dar'ſt thou name thy Mother, vile Conta- gion? She was all Virtue. Leon. O! do not look ſo fiercely on your Child, [Kneels. The only Relict of thy once lov'd Queen; But turn your Eyes, and ſee mine drown'd in Tears ; Thoſe Eyes which you've ſo often kiſs'd, and ſwore They wore the dear Reſemblance of my Mother; Which to preſerve from that Deſtroyer, Grief, You cou'd forego the gay Delights of Empire. Oh! with that Temper now, that former Fondnefs, Hear, and forgive the Errors of my Youth. King. Blaſt me, ye Powers, if ever I forgive! No, I will puniſh thee as thou deſerv’ſt ; Remove the Cauſe that led thy Soul aftray, And ſhew thee what it is to Love a Slave. Leon. Unhappy Leonora! King. I'll have, for ev'ry Kiſs the Traytor gave thee, By which he ſtain'd the Glory of his King, His Fleſh by Morfels torn with Pincers off, And make a Paſſage for his luftful Blood, To waſh thoſe Spots away. Leon. Avert it, Heav'n! On me wreak all your Ven- geance; On me, on me your Daughter, let it fall : But ſpare the Man which I firſt taught to Love; If not for me, oh! for your own Sake ſpare him ! Spare your Defender, for your Kingdom's Sake; Let him not fall, (by whom we're all in Safety) A Victim to a Politician's Malice. King. Perish that Kingdom with thyſelf and me, When'er I fave a Traytor from the Stroke. Leon. Oh! Royal Sir, revoke thofe killing Words, And call his Services to your Remembrance ! The glorious Victories which your Arms have won, Under the Conduct of my Lord Lorenzo : 'Twas he that fav'd your Cities from your Foes, And made the Laurel flouriſh on your Brow: Remember too, how much you lov'd him for't ; Your Praiſe it was that drew my Eyes that Way, And your Efteem created one in me. King. The CRUEL GIFT. 351 King. Away, and looſe thy Hold! why doft thou hold me? Think'ft thou to footh me with thy Eloquence? Leon. Oh! 'tis the fubtle Malice of Antenor; He looks with envious Eyes upon him, Becauſe you plac'd him in his Son's Command, And daſh'd his Hopes, that durft aſpire to me. What Trains of Miſchief proud Ambition brings? Hate, Envy, Jealouſy and Death ſpring from it. It breaks all Ties of Blood, all mutual Faith, And even levels Liberty with Chains. Oft in the Crimes of one ambitious Man Have many guiltlefs Nations been involv'd. King. Well haft thou deſcrib'd that curft ambition Which rais'd the Viper that my Smiles had form'd, To wanton with the Honour of his King: But he ſhall ſuffer long convulfive Pangs, And vainly afk us for the Stroke of Grace. If, as thou fay'ſt, that thou doft live by him, Then when he ceaſes to diffuſe his Warmth, Thou, like ſome puny Infect, muſt expire, And, dying, curfe the Author of thy Shame. Leon. Oh, do not think my Fault exceeds Forgiveneſs! My Soul's not confcious of a Crime 'gainſt Virtue ; I challenge Envy for a ſeeming Cauſe, That my fair Innocence would bluſh to own. King. Audacious Wretch ! have I not ſeen thee wanton? Loll on his Bofom and devour his Kiffes? Confuſion! dar'ft thou talk of Virtue ? Leon. Alas! the only Place for Leonora, Is in her faithful Hufband's Arms. King. Ha! what ſay'ft thou? Leon. He is my Huſband; yes, my wedded Huſband; Remember, Sir, you left me free to chufe ; Then, what I chufe, do not unkindly kill. King. Patience, good Heaven, or I fhall kill her too; I would not ſpare him now, to fave my Crown; No, this Confeffion does but wing his Fate; Off, or I'll ſpurn thee from me. Leon. Go on, go on, and ſatisfy your Rage; Try all the Racks Antenor can invent, And all that Majefty incens'd can form, [Rifes. And 352 The CRUEL GIFT. And fee with what a Conftancy of Mind I am prepar'd to meet your Indignation. I feel my Spirits gather to my Heart, And man it out with Courage for the Tryal. The Ardour of my Flame can ne'er abate, 'Tis chafte and holy as the Vestal Rites; And if you rip this Breaſt that heaves with Love, You'll find his Image fit triumphant there. King. So, brave! but wherefore does my Vengeance loiter ? Soon fhall thy boafted Conftancy be try'd. Yes, Trayť'reſs! I will teach thy Diſobedience What 'tis to wound the Fondneſs of a Father, And make the Heart drop Blood that doated on thee. Leon. Kill me this Moment. King. I difdain the Proxy ; He, he, for whom thou haft abandon'd Duty, Betray'd a Parent, and diſgrac’d a Throne ; He ſhall return the fatal Stroke upon thee. Hug his Idea, dwell upon his Memory; For dearly haft thou bought him-at the Price Of Honour of thy Father-of a Crown. Leon. Oh dreadful Reſolution ! [Exit. Hear me, Father! oh, hear me but one Word! He's gone, he's gone, and with him all my Hopes. Now, ye malicious Stars your worft prepare, Unite your pois'nous Force and fix it here. Let want of Thought my too much Thought deſtroy, Let me for Refuge into Madneſs fly, At once unknowing both of Pain and Joy. But oh! I rave and waſte my idle Breath; Fain I'd preferve him from inglorious Death. To fave my Huſband, I will hazard all, Or bravely perish with with him in his Fall. Enter Antimora and Learchus. } [Exit. Anti. Stay, my Learchus, I was looking for thee. Canft thou forget the Tranſports of my Grief, And all which it produc'd, when laſt I ſaw thee? Lear. Aſk thy own Heart, my Love, when thou would'ſt know The The CRUEL GIFT. 353 The moſt important fecret Thought of mine; For there I treaſure all my Good or Ill. Anti. I'm calm and gentle now, as heretofore: No Fire my Eyes, nor Rage my Heart contains ; My Tongue no Curſes vent againſt thy Father; Nay, if thou wilt but anſwer my Requeſt, I can forgive the Injury. Lear. What can the Ruler of my Fate intend? Anti. Oh! if thy Love but equals half my Woe, Thou wilt be kind, and eaſe my aching Bofom. Lear. Is it in me to give thy Sorrows Eafe? And doft thou, canſt thou doubt of my Compliance? My Heart ſprings forth to be inftructed how, That I may leave ev'n Thought behind to ſerve thee. Anti. Thus then, my Brother, by the King condemn'd To fuffer in extremity of Torments, Th' Idea wounds my Heart beyond Expreffion, And only thou canst fave me from Deſpair. Wilt thou! oh! wilt thou promiſe me Relief, Now when I beg it in extremeſt Need? Remember once thou waft a Suppliant too, Low at my Feet, as I am now at thine; . I pity'd thee, and wip'd thy Tears away. [Kneels. Lear. O rife my Love, and rack my Soul no longer But tell me quickly what this Boon can be, That thou doſt aſk at ſuch a Diſtance of me ; This Ceremony, and this Expectation Makes it painful to me. Anti. Thou, only thou, canft eaſe thyſelf and me; Then mark me well, my Brother is thy Pris'ner, Let him eſcape, and I'm for ever thine. Lear. O, Antimora! thou haft fhock'd my Duty. But have a care, make not a Villain of me; Do not thou prefs me to betray my Truſt; Who forfeits Honour, will be falſe to Love; And well I know thou ne'er would'ſt love me after. Tho', hurry'd now with Fondneſs for thy Brother, Thou'dft have me do what thou thyſelf wou'dſt blame, And hate me, even whilft thou thank'dft me for't; There is but this one thing I cou'd refuſe thee. Antt. Wilt thou deny my firſt Requeſt, Learchus ? And wilt thou dare to mention Love hereafter? 23 VOL. II. Lear 354 The CRUEL GIFT. Lear. Send me to Lions raging in their Den, Long Time pent up, and rav'nous for their Prey; Command me to encounter Hofts of Foes, Tho' certain Death attends on ev'ry Side, And fee how readily I will obey thee; But what concerns my Country or my King, Love even wants Temptation to betray. Anti. Under this feign'd Allegiance thou would'ſt hide Thy ancient Hatred to my Brother's Name; But I have found thee out thro' all thy Turnings, And here I cancel all our former Vows; Be every Thought of thee torn from my Breaſt, And Enmity eternal grow between us; This Hand, on which thou haſt ſo often ſwore, And kiſs'd and breath'd thy falfe pretended Flame, I'll give to him that ſets my Brother free, And rack myſelf, to be reveng'd on thee. Lear. Was e'er Condition fo forlorn as mine? At once fond Love and Duty tear my Bofom. Love bids my Heart obey without controul, But Duty checks my Love, and awes my Soul : Of theſe two great Extreams which ſhall I take, Shall I my Miſtreſs or my King forfake! To both I would be faithful, did I know What Method I could taketo make me fo. Direct me, Heav'n, amidſt theſe Doubts that riſe, Which to preſerve, and which to facrifice. [Exit. SCENE changes to the Princess's Apartment. Enter Leonora and Cardono, difcourfing. Leon. If Antimora's Paffion fails to move, And bring Learchus over to our Intereſt, Thou may'ſt have Hope, Cardono, to ſucceed; For ſhe has vow'd to fee his Face no more, If he denies to ſet Lorenzo free. [Exit Card. My Friend and you command whate'er I can, But I deſpair of Antimora's Love : Nor will I poorly aſk it on ſuch Terms; To free Lorenzo, none would hazard more ; If in the Field I faw his Life befet, My own, for his, fhould offer at the Ranfom; But The CRUEL GIFT. 355 But to attempt his Reſcue here, is fruitleſs, When under Sentence by the King's Command, And guarded by his moſt inveterate Foe; 'Twould plunge us all in certain Death at once, And not relieve, but bring his End on fafter. Leon. Then will you tamely ftand, and fee him die! His Death confpir'd to feed a Traytor's Pride! And will you nothing dare, to fave your Friend? Can you forget who led you forth to conquer, And ſtood the Danger equal with the meaneſt? Has he not gain'd immortal Honours for you? And made the Name, the very Name of Lombard, More formidable than once the Romans were, And can you now refuſe to lend him Succour ? Card. Oh, Royal Madam! think with what Concern I hear your Words, and know my Friend's Diſtreſs! Think you I need theſe Arguments to rouze me! No, I only want the Means to fet him free, And not the Will to do it. Enter Antimora. Leon. See where the mourning Antimora comes, Like Lillies weeping with the Morning Dew, Which, tho' it wets, yet fullies not their Beauty : I fear, alas! to aſk thee what Succeſs. Anti. For me, moft gracious Princeſs, nought remains, Not the leaſt Gleam of Comfort now appears : My Hopes are dead, as foon will be my Brother: Where ſhall I hide me from the fatal News, Or how ſupport me under it? Leon. That both you and I muſt leave to Providence : But ſay, ſuppoſe that I ſhould find a Way, With Lord Cardono's Help, to free Lorenzo, What wouldst thou contribute to his Liberty? Anti. O moſt ador'd of Princes, let me kneel, [Kneels. And bleſs you for this Suppofition only. If aught in me could aid the glorious Work, Tho' 'twere to lance thefe Veins, and let out Life, If I deny'd, may Heav'n deny my Prayers, When in my laſt Extremity I make 'em. [Rifes. But oh? I know what 'tis that you would aſk, And therefore make the Offer of myſelf. Hear 356 The CRUEL GIFT. " Hear me, ye Powers, and curſe me if I fail, Whoever gives my deareſt Brother Freedom, The holy Prieſt ſhall give him Antimora; Yes, I am his, and I will love him too, At leaſt, I'm fure I fhall not love another. Card, Let Death attend in all thofe hideous Forms That Tyrants ftudy to afflict Mankind with, I'd rush thro' all for fuch a glorious Prize; Love and Friendſhip now furmount all Danger, My Princeſs, Miftrefs, and my Friend, are Names That give to Refolution double Strength : Propoſe the Manner, and conclude it done. Leon. Behold the Signet of the King, Cardono; Tho' how procur'd, imports not how to know; This gives you Admittance to Lorenzo; Six trufty Slaves whom I have bought to ſerve me, All refolutely bold, and bent for Action, Wait without, and ready for the Enterprize : The Officer who guards the Fort this Day, I alſo have bought over to our Intereft; His Soldiers are by this prepar'd with Wine, To let you paſs unheeded thro' the Fort; If any others fhould refift, thefe Men, At your Command, will foon difpofe of them. Anti. So may you profper, as your Cauſe is juſt, And be rewarded as your Soul defires. Card. Such a Reward would make a Coward brave; But if Succeſs ſhould crown our rifing Hopes, Where can Lorenzo fafely lie conceal'd From the quick-fighted Eye of Power and Malice? Leon. Below the Poftern Gate you'll find a Boat, That ready waits to paſs him o'er the Adige. Where I have order'd Horfes to attend him, By which he may eſcape to Rome. Card. Enough. Now, Madam, Death or Lorenzo's Liberty; Remember, Antimora, what you ſwore. Anti. I do, and will obferve it faithfully. [Exit Cardono. Leon. Look down, ye Angels, with propitious Smiles ; You, whoſe Buſineſs 'tis to guard the Innocent Thro' all the Mazes of this treach'rous World, And give a juft Account of mortal Actions. Lock The CRUEL GIFT. 357 Look down, I ſay, and bleſs us with Succeſs, And feal the Vow that here I make before you; That if it e'er ſhall be my Lot to reign, And fill the Throne of my great Anceſtors, Each Year I'll dedicate this Day to Heaven, And all the Realm fhall pay its Thanks with me. Religion is the beſt Support of Power, And honeft Men are ſtill its beft Defenders. Anti. Forgive me, Heav'n, if, for my Brother's Sake, I wiſh ſhe were already on the Throne. How natural is it to prefer thoſe Things That touch us nearly, Spite of Education? For tho' I have been ever taught to love, And pay a ſtrict Obedience to my Sovereign, Yet now I feel that Nature's eldeſt Law Pleads ftrongly in me for my Brother's Life : And oh! this Day, if young Cardono profpers, I give a fatal Proof of my Affection. Now to the Poftern, where I'll wait to fee What Deſtiny allots for him and me : If Life, I care not how my Lot is caft, Since all my Joys are in my Brother plac'd; But if a Blank, and Death theſe Hopes fucceed, [Exit. At once I'm from my Vow, and all my Sorrows freed. Leon. Lorenzo is a Pattern for Poſterity; It matters not from whence, or whom he ſprung, Since he has all that forms the Godlike Hero. The Man, tho' ne'er fo meanly born in Blood, Who, next his Soul, prefers his Country's Good; Who more than Intereft, does his Honour prize, And ſcorns by fecret Treachery to rife ; Who can the baſe and gilded Bribes diſdain, Prevent Reflections on his Prince's Fame, And point out glorious Virtues for his Reign : That Man fhould be a Monarch's chiefeſt Care, And none but ſuch ſhould Royal Favours wear. [Exit. ACT 358 The CRUEL GIFT. King. IN ACT IV. Enter King and Antenor. N Spite of all my Wrongs, my Anger cools; Nor can I now refolve to let him die; His Father's Merit melts me into Pity ; The Lord Alcanor was an honeſt Stateſman, And you must own Lorenzo weli has ferv'd me ; Both theſe plead ſtrongly in a genrous mind. Ant. Curfe on his Services. What ſays my Royal Mafter? Does not our Laws pronounce it Treaſon, Sir, For any Subject who ſhall dare to wed, And mingle with your Blood. without your Leave? [Afide. King. Thou ſhould't not urge this hated Theme, Antenor. Thou may'ſt remember 'twas thy own Ambition. Ant. I do, with Shame, remember it: yet ſure The Diff'rence of the Guilt is vaftly great. I humbly afk'd, and much repented for it; He feiz'd the Prize, and never afk'd at all ; And glories in the Theft ; nay, braves you too; Nor once petitions for his Life or Freedom. King. The Preſent will from me be greater then ; Miſtake me not, I ſhall not pardon him; No, he ſhall live an Exile, far from hence, And never ſee my Leonora more: That, to a Lover's Puniſhment enough. Ant. Think but on the Confequence of Baniſhment; When Nature's Law fhall fummon you away, Who then ſhall wear your Crown, but Leonora? Think you not then ſhe will recall her Huſband? Yes, ſure, ſhe will, and make him Partner with her. O, Royal Sir! confult your Subjects Safety; For fure that Day muft fatal be to Lombardy. What ſtrong Aliance can be form'd by him, That is not purchas'd with our Laws and Treaſure King. Difmifs your Fears, for I'll diffolve the Mar- riage, And give her to a Prince that ſhall defend ye. 4 Enter The CRUEL GIFT. 359 Enter Agoniftus. Agonistus! why ſuch Confufion in thy Looks? Ago. O pardon, mighty Sir, the News I bring; Cardono, by your Signet, was admitted To pay his Viſit to the Lord Lorenzo. King. Ah! fay'ft thou! by my Signet! But go on. Ago. Accompany'd by fix Men in Livery, One of which being tall, and well proportion'd, Lorenzo quickly chang'd his Habit with him. King. Ha! and did he eſcape ? Ant. Anſwer the King that Queſtion inſtantly. Oh! Vengeance! Vengeance! have I loft thee? [Afide. Ago. I know not, Sir, what happen'd ſince I came ; Cardono ſeeing him that kept the Door Too curiouſly obferve Lorenzo, ſtabb'd him ; When foon his fhrieks alarm'd your Son, my Lord, Who call'd the Guards, but not a Man would ftir: Some flept fo foundly that we could not wake 'em ; Whilſt others ſwore they'd ſet the General free. 'Twas thus ! when brave Learchus bade me hafte To tell your Majeſty, and beg Aſſiſtance. Ant. Oh monftrous! unheard of Treachery! King. Fly, take our Guards, And crush this infant Treafon in its Birth: What! durft Cardono croſs our Royal Will, And ſtir our Soldiers to rebel againſt us? [Exit Ago. Ant. Well had it been, yes, wondrous well for Man, If Nature ne'er had form'd his Female Mate; Love poiſons oftener than it gives us Joy. King. Curfe on the fond, deceitful, foftening Paſſion ! How glorious had my Leonora ſtood, But for bewitching and deſtructive Love, Which chills, and quite enervates all it reaches ! Enter Captain. How now ! what News bring'ſt thou? Capt. The droniſh Citizens pretend to arm, And gathering Crowds, fill all the Streets with Noife, And cry aloud, Death, or Lorenzo's Freedom. King. Let them go on! yes, let the Slaves aſpire To ſeize my Crown, and make Lorenzo King : But they ſhall find I was not born to fear; No, 360 The CRUEL GIFT. No, could the Villains animate like Heat, And every Breath produce whole Legions arm'd, My Soul would dart a Fire thro' my Eyes, That ſhou'd to Aſhes turn the new-born Traytor. I'll to the City ftrait, and face theſe Rebels. Ant. Not for the Univerſe. Can ſuch a Cauſe be worthy of your Arms? No, when bafe Plebeians offer to rebel, Whips and Chains should bring them back to Duty; Whilſt Majeſty ſerenely unconcern'd, Beholds the Traytor's Fate. King. Have I for this with Toil and Care fecur'd Freedom and every thing that's dear unto them? And do th' ingrateful Wretches thus repay me? But I will teach them what they owe their King. And ſweep the bold Conſpirators from the Earth. Ant. Rebellions in their Infancy are quell'd, And to Obedience foon reduc'd with Eaſe; Lop but the Head, the reft will foon difperſe; The giddy Pop'lace are in Ignorance led, And all unskill'd in what they undertake; When once the faithful, loyal Sword is drawn, They drive, like idle Duft, before the Wind. Now is your Time to fix your Sway unbounded; The Godlike Rule, and Right of ev'ry King; Let all thoſe pop'lar Heads, who cry for Liberty, Whofe Aim has been to curb the Power of Princes, Be term'd Abettors of Lorenzo's Treaſon, And rid you of a factious Crew at once. King. Thou, prompt'ft me well, thou Oracle of Rule ; Mercy ill fuits with fuch a vip'rous Brood. [Trumpets and a Shout without. Enter Agoniftus. Welcome; this Shout betokens thou haft conuer'd. Ago. We have, great Sir; Lorenzo is fecure, his Friends all feiz'd, His Sifter Antimora too we found Near to the Poftern, full of Expectation; Her Words betray'd her of the Party. King. To Priſon with them all; thy Meffage give › Thy King new Life, my Agoniflus. Ant The CRUEL GIFT. 361 Ant. It is not ſafe for you to ſpare one Man; Nay, ev'n the Traytor Sifter ought to die; What, durft a Woman 'midft the Route appear. T' inflame the Mob, and countenance Rebellion? Let her too ſhare her Brother's Fate, great Sir, And cruſh at once the vile infidious Race. King. Yes, my inciter to Revenge, ſhe ſhall ; She ſhall be puniſh'd for the heinous Fault : But we will think of her hereafter. Ant. Ha! hereafter. No, I refolve to make fure Work on't now; Now, whilft Fortune ſets Revenge before me. [Afide. King. Hafte thou, Antenor, and draw out our Soldiers; March then with Speed to this rebellious City: Proclaim all Traytors that you find in Arms; And thoſe who ſhall refuſe to lay them down, Diſcharge the Fury of our cannon on 'em. Ant. Great Sir, I will; but firſt let me intreat To have the Pris'ners inſtantly diſpatch'd: 'Tis Policy to let their Deaths be fudden. Lorenzo dead, Rebellion foon will die ; King. It fhall be done, thou counſell'ft well, Antenor; I've no Remorfe, Lorenzo dies. Yes, I will cruſh this vile infectious Root, And ſo prevent the Growth of future Branches. Haſte Agoniſtus; with this Signet haſte, And tell Learchus 'tis our inſtant Pleaſure, That all th' Abettors of Lorenzo's Treaſon Do fuffer in the common Road of Juſtice. But let not him by Axe or Wheel expire; My boundleſs Wrongs do boundleſs Rage inſpire, But rip his Breaſt, and to our Daughter bear His HEART juſt panting with a Lover's Fear. Tell her, from me the much-lov'd Preſent came; The Part in which the treaſur'd all her Fame: Bid her to that repeat her guilty Vows; 'Tis all the Comfort that her Crime allows. Ant. Bear to our Son theſe Orders, Agonistus; Charge him to ſee them executed ftrait. [Exit Agoniſtus. Captain a Word- You are no Stranger to my Son's fond Paſſion For this vile Trayt'refs, Antimora; Q [Exit. And 36? The CRUEL GIFT. And left for Love he ſhould betray his Duty, And fave his Minion from the deftin'd Stroke, Haſte thou, and ſay it was the King's Command That Lady fhou'd be Pris'ner kept with thee; And, when ſhe's in thy Power, diſpatch her. Capt. It fhall be done, my Lord. Ant. O the exulting Joy of great Revenge! This Moment gives me more fubftantial Pleaſure, Than all the Years I in a Court have paſs'd. Now all my noble Anceſtors look down, And aid with Smiles this mighty Undertaking. 'Tis worthy of that Enmity you bore, That I at once involve the hated Race, And crown my Wiſhes in the Sifter's Fall. How I applaud myſelf for this brave Deed, My Foes confounded, and Learchus freed. From guilty Love, to Empire ſhall ſucceed. SCENE changes to a Priſon. Lorenzo bound, meeting Cardono wounded. Lor. Alas! Cardono wounded! Oh my Friend! Oh, wherefore would'ft thou be fo kindly cruel, To interpoſe thy friendly Offices Between a Monarch's Power, and my fad Fate? Thy Raſhneſs has undone thee Card. Call it not Raſhneſs- [Exit. Our Souls in Friendſhip's Bonds are link'd ſo ſtrongly, Our Bodies needs muft ſhare each other's Fate: But oh! fee who comes here; this killing fight Unmans thy Friend, and finks him into Woman. Enter Antimora. Lor. Ha! art thou come t' infult our Mifery? Haft thou obtain'd from thy Learchus Leave To glut thy Eyes with Vengeance on His Rival? Ant. Oh, my dear Brother! ceaſe to upbraid me ; I own the Juftice of offended Heaven, 1 And hate myſelf for diſobeying you. Thus on my Knees I beg you to forget [Kneels. The former Weakneſs of your mourning Sifter, And with this fav'rite Youth, this bleeding Friend, 4 Employ The CRUEL GIFT. 363 Employ your beſt perſuaſive Eloquence To gain his Pardon; for theſe Wounds he wears, (Oh fatal Accident !) were given by me. To fave your Life, I left no Means untry'd, Which made me raſhly ſwear to wed the Man That ſhou'd from Death preſerve and ſet you free: Cardono's Love unthinkingly obey'd me. Card. Do not repent the firft Command you gave me, [Raifes her. Such a Command that Love can witneſs for me, I never once regretted; I obey'd To make thee mine, and free my Friend, I fought; Two the moſt pow'rful Reaſons Man can give. Oh! had the Enterprize but met Succeſs, I ſhou'd have glory'd in this Action more, Than when I drove my Foes in Fight before me ; The rich Reward for which I drew my Sword, Will juſtify the Act to ev'ry Lover, Yes, Antimora, by thoſe Eyes I ſwear. Had Fortune made thee mine but one ſhort Night, And Death with Torment waited in the Morning, I'd live an Age in that ſmall Space of Time, And meet my Fate with more than manly Courage! The Memory of thy Charms had fo tranſported me, My Soul had foar'd in Extaſy of Bliſs, To yon bright Heav'n, infenfible of Pain. Lor. Oh, Antimora! Thy fickle Sex is ever in Extreams; How much thy Folly over-weigh'd Affection! When laft I prefs'd thee to accept this Youth, Tho' thou didst know him dear to me as Life; Yet now, when Paſſion, and the Woman work'd, Thou offer'd up thyfelf, alas! my Sifter. Tho' I confefs the Proof is wond'rous great, Which here thou giv'ft of thy Affection to me; Yet muſt I tell thee 'twas miſguided Zeal, That taught thee rafhly to enfnare my Friend. Card. Oh, Lorenzo ceafe, I beg thee ceaſe; Upbraid no more the dear, the trembling Maid, Whom I am bound to blefs for what ſhe did ; Since, if it be thy Deſtiny to fall, I would uot live behind thee. Q 2 Anti. } 364 The CRUEL GIFT. Anti. I cannot blame you for chiding me; And I ſhould merit more Reproaches ſtill, Were not my Chains with equal Weight with yours; And now perhaps the fatal Order's given To cut us off together. Lor. Learchus furely will be kind to thee, And fave thee from the fatal Stroke. Anti. O do not think I have a Soul fo mean, To live by him who gives my Brother Death. Tho' I confefs I love Learchus more Than weary Pilgrims Reft, or Martyrs Heaven; Yet ſooner wou'd I breathe infectious Air, Which bring Diſeaſes, loathſome to behold, Than owe my Life to him when thou art gone. Enter Captain. Capt. Madam, you might have ſpar'd thoſe Proteſtations, Since 'tis the Will of Majeſty to croſs All the fond Hopes Learchus ever had, And leaves his Withes widow'd in Deſpair; For you muſt die. Lor. Oh! inexorable Heav'n? curs'd Antenor, At once thy Malice reaches all that's dear, And doubles ev'ry Pang of Death upon me. Capt. Guards, take hence this Lady. Card. Villains forbear! where's Learchus? where's now His boaſted Paffion for this lovely Maid? Can he be tame, and fee his Miſtreſs die; Art thou the Screech-Owl, that proclaims her Fate? Had I a Sword, I fend thy canker'd Soul, The Harbinger of her's, in Death. Cap. Yours, my Lord, will do that Office better, Since the fame Sentence waits on you. Anti. Oh, forgive me! me, the unhappy Cauſe; And, Captain, one Requeſt I have to you. [Runs to the Captain. Hafte to Learchus; I conjure you fly, And beg him ſtrait, by all our former Kindneſs, To interpoſe between this Youth and Death, And wreak his Father's Malice all on me. Card. I fcorn to take a wretched Life from him; One parting Kiſs to wing my fleeting Soul, And The CRUEL GIFT. 365 And bear it upwards to the Bleſs'd above; 'Tis all the Recompence I'll aſk thee now. [Kiffes her. Anti. Oh! 'tis a poor Reward for Lofs of Life ; My Heart will burft with this Exceſs of Woe, And ſpare the trouble of an Executioner. Lor. Oh Heaven! haft thou in all thy Store of Curfes, Pains more acute for Man, than what I feel? Yet I wou'd fuffer more, if more cou'd be, So that my Siſter and my Friend could live. Let me embrace my Partners ir. Misfortune, And gather ye to me, as the feather'd Kind Gather their young Ones at th' Approach of Danger; Like them defend you too while I am able, Till prefs'd with Odds, and over-power'd with Strength, To cruel Vultures fall a Prey together. [All three embrace. Capt. I must obey iny Orders: Guards force her hence [They lay hold of her. Anti. May'nt we have Leave to die together? Oh! cruel Wretches, why d' ye pull me ſo? [She holds Lorenzo and Cardono, and ſtruggles. Take me not from the Sight of this blefs'd Pair; Oh! let my Eyes purſue theſe faithful Objects, Till we ſet in Death together! But oh! Their Strength prevails, and I muſt looſe you both. So when Rifing Floods Bear from fome Rock, in fecret where they lay, The Halycon's Neft and all her brood away, The careful Mother hovers as they glide, Hangs on the Wing, and flutters with the Tide; Till at the laſt the Waves invading creep, Fill her frail Houſe, and fink it in the Deep, With one ſhrill Note ſhe ſhrieks her laft Despair, Starts from the Sight, and flits away in Air. [Ex.torn off. Card. O, my fick Soul ! Enter on the other Side, Learchus, Agoniftus, and Guards. Lor. Tortures worfe than Death I ne'er expected aught to thank thee for ; But find, Learchus, I am now miſtaken. I own the Favour of the higheſt Kind, Q3 [Seeing Learchus. That 366 The CRUEL GIFT. That thou to Death reſigns my Sifter up, Whose cold Embrace more glorious is than thine. Lear. Ha! [Whispers to Agoniftus, who Exit. Guards, execute your Orders! but a while Leave this my mortal Enemy with me. Card. Farewel, my Friend, an active Life is done, [They feize Cardono. And I remove to Indolence and Eafe, Where, if no Thought of thee and Antimora Have Power to invade beyond this Life, I ſhall be much more happy in the Grave. Lor. If in the other World Souls have a Knowledge, Soon ſhall we meet, and there enjoy each other. My Heart, like Thine's, with double Sorrow's torn ; Each Part is ſo great, it ſtrikes the other dumb. Card. Now lead me to that dreaded Nothing, Death; From whence the King, that cuts me off in Youth, Cannot by Crowns and Empires free himſelf. What, tho' he meaſures yet fome rolling Years, And dies on downy Beds fet round with Slaves, Within the Grave the Worms know no Diftinction. But hear me, Heav'n, let no Diſtreſs befall him ; May he ne'er want thy faithful Arm, Lorenzo, .Left, when he thinks upon thy many Conqueſts, He ſhould too late repent thy hafty End : Once more farewel. [Exit, guarded. Lor. A thouſand Angels catch thy parting Soul, And bear it up to their bleft Seats above, My Spirits faint beneath this Load of Mifery, And long to lay the heavy Burden down. Why doft thou keep me here, inſulting Man? Lear. To fatisfy myſelf, if Fame be true, That thou art Mafter of fuperior Virtues. Me thou haft held at hateful Diſtance ſtill, And robb'd my Soul of what it moſt deſir'd, It's fondeſt Wiſh, my Antimora's Love. Then tell me now, by Honour, I conjure thee, In what Cardono merited above me. Lor. Do not profane his Name; I charge thee, do not : Is there Compariſon 'twixt him and thee? Antenor was not Father to Cordono. Lear. Unmanly doft thou urge my Father's Faults, And The CRUEL GIFT. 367 And moſt unjuſtly charge his Crimes on me. I oft have wifh'd our Houfes Hate compos'd, And us'd Endeavours to have heal'd the Breach; But thou didſt ſtill deny the Means to do it. Lor. This is no Time to think of paſt Deſigns; Nor will I hold Difcourfe of aught with thee. My Thoughts are fix'd on nobler Subjects far ; My beauteous Wife, my Leonora now, And vaft Eternity fill all my Mind. Lear. Thy Wife! haft thou then wedded Leonora ? Lor. I have; there I will anfwer thee with Pleaſure; Of what I have poffefs'd, you can't deprive me. Lear. Oh! why am I to bear this hateful Meffage? Lor. What Meſſage is my Wife to hear from thee, To make thee figh? It must be dreadful fure. Lear. Dreadful it is, and ftaggers Nature in me; Tho' thou doft think me ſavage and remorſeleſs, Yet I do tremble at the horrid Charge: Read there the Manner of thy Death, and where Thy faithful Heart muſt be difpos'd of. [Gives him a Paper. Lor. Oh, rich Repoſitory for the Heart! That knows no Blifs beyond her virtuous Bolom. By all the Charms of Leonora's Perfon; By all thofe Joys I've tafted in her Arms, There's Helght of Pleaſure in the harſh Decree ; Nor does my Nature feel one Pang for this : But how fhe'll bear it, Heav'n can only know. My Soul for her is touch'd with mighty Anguiſh ; And thus forgetting all my Hate and Wrongs, I bend my Knee in Supplication down. Since thour't to be the Harbinger of Fate, Touch her, oh! gently touch her with my Fate, And ſay Death ftole upon me unawares, And laid me down without a dying Groan, Whilft my laſt Words were, Love and Leonora. Lear. Rife, my Lord, Tho' you regard me as your mortal Foe, Yet I will diſcharge this Truft moſt faithfully, Or any other you'll repofe in me; And pray believe, that if my Power cou'd fave you, You fhou'd not afk in vain. Q 4. Lor. 368 The CRUEL GIFT. Lor. I thank you, Sir; but Life I wou'd not aſk of thee; But when thou doft preſent her with my Heart, Tell her it was her Huſband's laft Requeſt She wou'd not grieve, nor vent one Groan for me, Left the dear Accent of her Voice o'ertake My Soul, and draw it downward from Angelic Reſt. Yet one Thing more, if thou'lt vouchfafe to do it, Cloſe by the Grove that joins the Royal Bower, Within a lonely Cell, an Hermit lives, Whoſe holy Function fanctify'd our Loves; I yeſterday received this Packet from him, With ftrict Injunction to deliver it When next I was in private with the King. What it Imports, I know not; but the Man Is greatly good, and was my Father's Friend; To whom his lateſt Words commended me, And bad me pay the ſelf fame Duty there, That from my Infancy I'd paid to him. Return theſe Papers back, I humbly pray thee, And ſay, I beg, that, for my Soul's Repoſe, He wou'd fend up his pious Prayers to Heaven, If Nature fo permit Antenor's Son. Lear. Still, wilt thou ftill repeat Antenor's Son? Were I that Monſter which thy Hate has form'd, I ſhou'd rejoice to ſee thee fall with Shame ; But all the Powers above can witnefs for me, With deep Concern I execute this Order. Lor. Pardon me. His Name is always upwards in my Thoughts, And thence 'tis utter'd by my Tongue unheedingly; But I forgive, and wish I could forget him: Forget by whom my Glories are all fully'd ; My Death confpir'd, and all my Pleaſures ended. Fain I in Peace wou'd Life's Remains employ, And as I bravely liv'd, wou'd bravely die. Beyond the Grave no Enemy can come, And I ſhall reft at quiet in my Tomb. Death is a Debt we all to Nature owe, No matter then how foon or late we go: But dying well, is what we ſhould propoſe, And leave to Heaven the Vengeance on our Foes. [Exeunt. ACT The CRUEL GIFT. 369 ACT V. SCENE draws, and discovers Leonora fitting on a Couch, her Women Weeping round her. HY do you weep? why do thoſe Fountains flow? Leon. WHY HOW? Whilft I, for whom this mighty Grief is ſhown, Have not one Tear to mingle with your Sorrows. Leave this unprevailing Source of Woe, be gone! Eternally your Miſtreſs bids Adieu ; And thou, Verona, Miſtreſs of this Kingdom, Whoſe crouded Streets with Acclamations rung, When e'er I deign'd to grace 'em with my Preſence, Prepare thy ſable Weeds to mourn me now; For the next Sight which draws thy People forth, Will be the Obfequies of Leonora. Lady. Oh! who unmov'd can ſee your great Diſtreſs, And yet refrain from weeping! Leon. Cou'd you, like Ñiobe, expreſs Concern, And into weeping Marble be transform'd, You cou'd not add one Grain of Eafe to me. Go then, and let my Fame be all your Care, That when this wretched Body is no more, No Calumny may reft upon my Name. My Lord Lorenzo, my renowned Huſband; Yes, I'll proclaim in publick to the World, That he's my dear, my faithful Wedded Huſband; For his great Soul's adorn'd with Kingly Virtues. Away, deluded Thoughts of what has been; For oh! alas! I fear he is no more. Both Courage, Prudence, Fortitude, and Love, Center'd in him, and Honour kept the Guard; And this deliver to Poſterity, I glory more i' th' Title of his Wife, Than that of Princeſs, Daughter to a King; Nay, more than of that Crown my Father wears. Enter Page. Page. Madam, the Lord Learchus craves Admittance; He ſays he brings a Meffage from the King. 24 VOL. II. Q 5 Leon. 370 The CRUEL GIFT. Leon. Admit him then, whate'er his Buſineſs be; The jarring Paffions of my Soul are hufh'd, And ev'ry warring Faculty is calm; The King and Fate can ſhock my Peace no more. Enter Learchus in Mourning, and one following him with a Cup. Lear. Before my Tongue difcloſe the fatal Meffage, That will, I fear unhinge your Reafon quite, Oh ! let me kneel, and in this humble Pofture, Obtain your Royal pardon, for obeying The fatal Orders of the King your Father. Leon. Rife, my Lord, and fpeak your Meffage. Lear. Oh that it were not to be ſpoke by me. Lorenzo is- Leon. Dead! There I help'd you forward—Why, 'tis well; You fee I faint not; then proceed, I pray; Tell me, come tell me how my Huſband fell ; For all my Senfes are to hearing turn'd, And I can liften to the fatal Tale: But thou'rt his Foe, and will not do him Juſtice, Nor ſpeak the mournful Meſſage of his Love. Thou com'ft to triumph o'er my endleſs Grief, And fatiate thy inveterate Hate on me. Lear. This Taſk, this hateful Taſk, was not my Choice, But forc'd upon me by the King my Maſter: Yet when I wrong Lorenzo's Memory, May Truth forfake my Soul, and Speech my Tongue; The vital Blood that circles in my Veins, Congeal to Ice, and ſtop the Springs of Life. Your Huſband fell moft refolute and brave, And your Idea open'd Heaven before him. Tell her, faid he, I charge her not to grieve, Since he who falls a Martyr for my Love, Still finks with Honour equal to the Field; And Death for her bring great Pleafure far, Than a whole Age of Life without her Love. Leon. Oh matchlefs Conftancy! You fee I do obſerve his laſt Requeſt. Tears are the Tribute which a Girl can pay, Too poor a Task for Leonora's Eyes. When ſhe wou'd mourn a faithful Hufband's Lofs. Inward, The CRUEL GIFT. 371 Inward, ye Fountains, turn your liquid Springs, And round my Heart collect your baleful Streams, Whilft Sighs fuppreft, augment the fwelling Tide, And raiſe it up to fuch Extremity, Till one dire Groan the fatal Tempeſt breaks, And Life and Grief at once ruſh out together; Then I fhall find my deareſt Lord again. Lear. My Heart, I fear, will fail me in my Purpoſe ; Oh moft lamented Princeſs ! [Afide. Leon. Ha! what, another Exclamation? Then there is fomething fure remains behind ; Some dreadful, monftrous, matchlefs Scene of Woe, Whoſe horrid Birth, even thou, Antenor's Son, Seems fearful and unwilling to diſcloſe. Lear. There is indeed; oh! how fhall I relate it? Or where find Words of ſoft and gentle Sound, To cloath the fatal Buſineſs of my Errand ! Leon. Ah! ſupport me, gracious Heaven. Lear. Within this Cup; oh! can I live to ſpeak it! The King preſents you with your Huſband's Heart? Leon. Ha! [Shrieks.] Tyrant, Murderer, moſt inhu- man Father; Patience! oh Patience! whither art thou fled? Fury, Diſtraction, aid my lab'ring Brain ! Start ev'ry Nerve, and burſt ye throbbing Veins, Diffuſe your Blood, to quench his eager Thirſt! Oh barb'rous Rage! oh matchlefs Cruelty! Hear me, juſt Heaven, and hurl thy Vengeance down, Quick, blaſt the Authors of this curfed Deed: Let Earth be barren, and the Sea be dry, Each Tree conſum'd, and ev'ry Herb deſtroy'd ; Let univerſal Chaos reign again, And hide this Object in its fable Womb. But why waſte I my Time in fruitleſs Wiſhes? My Huſband chides me for this long Delay, I come, my Love. [Snatches at Learchus's Sword. Lear. Forbid it, Heav'n, that you ſhou'd touch your Life. Leon. 'Tis Hell forbids it; thou, the ruling Fiend; Thou haft prevented me! Oh gracious Act ! From thee! from thee, who gave Lorenzo Death! But Grief, like mine, will find a thouſand Doors to let in Death. Theſe 372 The CRUEL GIFT. Theſe Hands ſhall cruſh the Organs of my Life, And ſtop at once this Breath replete with Mifery. Lear. Fly, and acquaint the King with her Refolves; And beg his Prefence, to allay the Storm. [Ex. Attendant. Leon. Oh, my Lorenzo. For thy Death, curſt be this fruitful Lombardy, May Rapine wake her Genius from Repoſe, And in her Cities place the Seat of Famine; May Tempeſts lay her ftately Fabrics wafte, And make her Defolation great as mine. Lear. Royal Madam ! Leon. Interrupt me not with that deteſted Voice; Give me the precious Relick of my Love; The nobleft Heart that ever Man poffefs'd; Nor will I part with it, till Life forfake me ; Nor when I die, for here I'll have it plac'd. [Points to her Breaft. [Exit. A facred Pledge, and Witneſs of my Truth; The fureft Token for my Lord to know me, When in the other World we meet again. Lear. Upon your Lives guard her with ſtricteſt Care, And let no Means of Death be near her. Enter Agoniſtus. Ago. My Lord, the King is coming hither. Leon. 'Tis well; and are my Orders all obey'd? Ago. Exactly; but fee, the King appears. Enter King and Guards. King. Haft thou in ev'ry part perform'd our Will? Lear. I have, great Sir. King. 'Tis well; I've ſent Antenor to the City, To quell the Riots there; and that once paſt, I ſhall again poffefs my Crown in Peace. Thoſe Drones, pretending to have Stings, appear, And in full Body wou'd arraign my Juſtice. In vain the Fox wou'd wear the Lion's Skin, Without the Lion's Strength-But ſay, How does our Daughter bear her Minion's Death? Lear. The Royal Dame, like Roman Matrons, bore, Unmov'd and calm, the mournful Tale of Death. King. Then is half my Vengeance loſt. Lear. The CRUEL GIFT. 373 Lear. But when I nam'd your Preſent of his HEART, Both Majefty and Reaſon quite forfook her, And wild Diftraction fhook her beauteous Fabric. She rav'd, and curf'd herſelf, and all the World; Then took the Relick of her much-lov'd Lord, And vow'd to part no more. King. Thou doft revive me with this Story. Lear. Oh, Royal Sir. My Heart is fwoln with exceffive Sadneſs. Oh! could my Eyes, inſtead of Tears, ſhed Blood, They could not, fure, exprefs the dreadful Scene, Which by your fatal Order was diſplay'd. King. Art thou fo tender in thy Nature! Lear. Oh! think upon the mourning Princeſs, Sir, That peerleſs Monument of loyal Truth, Whofe Soul diſdains to be out-done in Love, But vows to die for Him, as He for Her; Then aſk your Heart, if all's at Peace within. King. And art thou grown her Advocate, Lorenzo? Antenor will not thank thee for the Office. Lear. My Father, even in his Height of Hatred, Would weep to hear the Sorrows which I faw. Oh, Royal Sir ! what muſt your Subjects do, When that fad Day to Lombardy arrives, Wherein your Majefty muft yield to Fate? Who will be worthy found to fill your Throne, When beauteous Leonora is no more? The Child unborn will curſe that haſty Doom, By which you have deſtroyed the nobleſt Pair That ever Hymen join'd in Nuptial Bands. King. Name it no more, I do not care to think on't; I wish thy Father had but half thy Virtues. Lear. Lorenzo gave a Packet to my Hands, Which he receiv'd, he faid, from an old Hermit, With full Inftructions for your Majeſty. King. Where is the Packet? Lear. He did intreat I would return it to him ; And I perform'd his laft Requeft with Care, But the fame Hermit waits without, to tell ye, With heavy Heart, the great important Story. King. Admit him ſtraight. Enter 374 The CRUEL GIFT. • Enter Hermit. What wou'd you, venerable Sir, with me? Her. Theſe twenty Winters have I paſs'd in Prayer, From Noiſe of Courts, and Buftle of the Great, Bound by a Vow to expiate my Sins, And fave a Child which thou haft taken from me. Lorenzo, whom the Lord Alcanor bred, And ſtill, for weighty Reaſons, call'd his own, Was only Son to me; his Hand I join'd Where Love, long fince, had join'd his tender Heart; Even to thy Daughter, the Princeſs Leonora. King. Ha! and dar'ft thou juſtify this Treaſon? Is the baſe Offspring of a dreaming Prieſt Worthy to rule, and mingle with my Blood? I know you well; all your Humility Confiſts in outward Form, a mere Diſguiſe To cover Pride and bold Ambition with ! Which ſtill aſpires to teach and govern Kings. But now, that Garb of Sanctity, grave Sir, Shan't awe my Hand from puniſhing a Traytor. Guards, feize him. Her. Hold!know'st thou this Face, my Kinſman, tell me? Or has thy Memory loft the Duke of Milan ? King. Ha! the Duke of Milan ! O ! my Uncle ! Why wou'd you, Sir, conceal yourſelf thus long, And draw this Load of Guiltineſs upon me? Her. When he, Who now ufurps my Dukedom, drove me out, From Court to Court, I fought in vain Relief. Yourſelf in War, unable to aſſiſt me, The Tyrant grew in great Alliance ſtrong, And ev'ry Prince refus'd to ſhelter me; One Ev'ning, as I walk'd alone in Venice, And melancholy muſing what to do, Having receiv'd my Orders to depart, I met a Hermit, who call'd me by my Name, And told me all the Failings of my Life; Then bad me enter holy Orders ftrait, And expiate my Sins in fervent Prayer. Full twenty Years, if this I well perform'd, My Son, he ſaid, fhould wear a Regal Crown, And I fhou'd be again reftor'd to Milan. But The CRUEL GIFT. 375 But if, before that Term of Years expir'd, I lag'd, or once repin'd at what I bore, My Son and I ſhou'd periſh-Oh fatal Thought! For now I have found th' ambiguous Prophecy; The Crown he meant, was Martyrdom for Love. King. Oh moft unhappy Prince! Her. This, when I told that honeſt Lord Alcanor, He offer'd to receive my Son for his, Who then was three Years old, and breed him for me; Then bound himſelf by Oath to keep the Secret. I ſtrait took Orders, and finding him recall'd I foon refolv'd to fix my Dwelling here, And in a lonely Cell, hard by the Bower, I liv'd unknown to all but Lord Alcanor. My Friend, upon his Death-bed, charg'd Lorenzo, To pay the Duty of a Son to me; But told him not how much he ow'd it to me. The twenty Years being now expired quite, I purpos'd to diſcover to your Majeſty The great important Story of my Life; And, for which Purpoſe, to my Son I gave The Packet which this Lord return'd me back. But oh! my Soul, when moſt I hope for Comfort, I am become moft miferable. King. Ceaſe, ceaſe to raiſe the Horror of my Guilt, Except you wiſh to drive me to Deſpair; Apply the Cordial of remaining Hope, That you and Leonora will forgive me. Lear. Help, help the Princeſs ; fee, fhe comes, Mad with her Woes, and graſping ftill the Heart. King. Open, Earth, and hide me from this Object. Enter Leonora, held by her Women. Leon. Off! off, Tormentors; off, and give me Way, Am I a Princeſs, and dare you detain me? Ha! the King! Oh ! let me kneel before you, For all the Storms of Life will foon be over, Permit me to believe, that once I was The only darling Pleaſure of your Soul; Commanded Slaves, who at my Nod ſtill fled, And were the very Creatures of my Will : Inform me then how I have loft this Power, That 376 The CRUEL GIFT. That thoſe who ſhould obey, dare to controul me, All that I aſk, is to be rid of them; I want no Daggers, Aſps, nor Poiſons now; All ſeveral Bleffings for a ſpeedy Death; But only Leave to lay a Father's Preſent Next my poor Heart, and fleep my Cares away. King. Look up, my Child, behold thy Father mourns Thy too unhappy worthy Huſband's Fall. Oh! let my Penitence attone my Crime; See, Leonora, Nature is revers'd; A weeping Father kneeling to his Child. Oh ! promiſe me that thou wilt live, my Daughter, And we will all revere thy Hufband's Mem'ry: For him a Monument ſhall ſtraight be rais'd; The Parian Marble, and Corinthian Brafs, And Gold from India fhall the Pile adorn; And yearly all his Soldiers gather round, To hear Orations in his Praiſe for ever, Whilft I reſign my Crown and Rule to thee. Leon. Oh! poor Temptation to a wretched Life! What is a Crown, compar'd with what I feel? Can Crowns allay Extremity of Woe? Oh, no! your Offers want that healing Power; And if your Sorrow's real, or only feign'd, It matters not, fince my Lorenzo's gone. Since you have murder'd him by whom I liv'd, Here, by this precious Relick of my Love, Which you have in the pureft Metal plac'd, I ſwear, and witneſs all ye facred Powers That guide our Lives and pre-ordain our Fates, Hear, and confirm my fledfaſt Vow. King. O hold, my Child! [Kneels. Leon. No Sleep shall ever cloſe theſe Eyes again, Nor food ſuſtain this hated Life I wear, Nor aught profane the Kifs upon my Lips, Which from my Huſband I receiv'd at parting, I re-enjoy my Love. Till from thefe Multitude of Woes reliev'd, Why will you puniſh all the World for one; Lear. Oh, Madam ! For one raſh Act committed by a Father? [Rifes. King. Oh! that my Crown could raiſe him from the Grave! Wit The CRUEL GIFT. 377 With eager Tranſport I would lay it down. With more Content, with more fubftantial Joy, Cou'd I behold you in each other's Arms, Than e'er the Scepter gave me. Her. I wish thy Soul had been thus touch'd before; Then my Lorenzo, then my Son had liv'd. Leon. Theſe are your Wiſhes, when Relief is paſt; Why will you cruelly interrupt the Dying? King. Why wilt thou wound me with thy Unbelief, And rack me worſe than e'er thy Huſband was? What Proof of my Repentance fhall I give thee? By all the Fruits of Earth and Lights of Heaven; By that fuperior Light, the glorious Sun, From which for ever let my Eyes be ſhut, If they could e'er behold a Sight more pleaſing. Lear. Now is my Time. [Exit. Leon. In vain, in vain you uſe theſe Imprecations, Since in my Breaſt they cannot make Impreſſion ; For he, alas! is gone for ever from me. King. Oh, my Child! why doft thou turn thy Eyes away? And is thy Father then fo hateful grown, Thou canst not bear to look upon him? Enter Learchus and Lorenzo at the upper End of the Stage. Leon. Ha! fee, fee, ye Murderers, who comes here? It is the lifeleſs Shadow of my Hufband; He's fent by Heaven to warn your guilty Souls, Of endleſs Torture, for your barbarous Crimes. See here my Love! I graſp the Subſtance ſtill; A tender Father's Prefent to thy Wife; The beſt and richeſt Gift, when thou wert gone, Oh ! it has told me all ! and bid me hate To fly Oppreffion, and enjoy thy Prefence. And now I feel the happy Moment on me; Life gives way, and I am coming to thee. King. Support our Daughter. [Faints. Lor. Hold off; let me embrace the beauteous Mourner : Oh! ſpeak to me, my Dear; my Leonora ſpeak : Thy Soul is fummon'd by thy Huſband back. Oh! leave me not to periſh in Deſpair. King. Ha! what do I fee! Lorenzo living! Her. 378 The CRUEL GIFT. Her. My Son alive! I thank thee gracious Heaven, And all that has been inftrumental to it. Lor. Oh, Leonora ! oh my beauteous Wife! Daſh not my rifing Joy at once, my Love; Look up, my Fair; 'tis thy Lorenzo calls. Leon. Ha! 'tis he, the very He! Oh Tranſport ! 'Tis my real, my dear, my faithful Huſband. Say how, oh! how haft thou retriev'd thy Heart! Or art thou by fome Miracle ſupported? Thus will I hold thee faſt within my Arms, From whence no mortal Strength ſhall wreſt thee forth, Without the Life of Leonora with thee. Lor. Oh, thou Excellence! thou wond'rous Woman! How fhall I requite thee? King. Proclaim it to the World, Lorenzo lives; No more the Son of old Alcanor now, But Heir Apparent to the Crown of Milan. Lor. What do I hear? King. Yes, thou'rt of noble Blood; fee there thy Father, Kneel to him. Lor. Am I then, Sir, your Son? Oh, Pardon me If I enquire why thus you have conceal'd me, So long unknowing of my Duty? Her. Rife, my Son; another Time I'll tell thee all ; May Heav'n fhower its Bleffings on you both. Leon, Oh Extafy! thy Father living ſtill, Mine reconcil'd, and thy dear Life reftor'd! The Joy's too great for mortal Senſe to bear; 'Tis fure the Epitome of that above, Which Angels, in their fep'rate State, enjoy. There wants but Antimora and thy Friend, To make thee happy too. King. If thou hast been ſo very good, Learchus. To preſerve them too, thy King will thank thee; Embrace tbis Man, Lorenzo, for he fav'd thee; And here the Hatred of your Houſes ends. Lor. I'm all Confufion! Was I fav'd by thee? Oh ſpare my Words, and read 'em in my Eyes! Lear. I afk no Thanks; the King has over-paid me, Since he forgives this only Breach of Duty. Come forth, my Antimora, now no more Bound by the Duty of a Siſter's Love. [Enter Antimora. And The CRUEL GIFT. 379 And oh! I wiſh I cou'd produce Cardono! I did my beſt to ſave him, tho' my Rival; But notwithſtanding all the Care I us'd, He expir'd of his Wounds. Lor. Alas! my Friend. Anti. Your Pardon, Royal Sir, King. Rife, fair Antimora; I forgive thee. Anti. Oh my raviſh'd Senſes! tho' I no more Muft call you Brother, yet methinks I feel The ſame tranſporting Joy for your Deliverance, As if you truly were my Brotder. Lor. Thou shalt be my Sifter, lovely Maid ; And the fame fond tender Care I'll pay thee ; And wiſh I really were thy Brother now, To fhew how much I prize this worthy Man. Yet, take her from my Hand, Learchus, and, [Kneels. With her, take the Heart that thou didst kindly ſave. Lear. The two great Bleffings Heav'n or Earth can give me. [They embrace. King. Now thou haft made me more than King, Lear- chus; And my Regards ſhall found thy Praiſes forth, And to the World proclaim thy matchleſs Virtue. Lear. If my Delay of Duty had diſpleas'd, I wou'd have offer'd up myſelf, great Sir, And dy'd to expiate my honeſt Fault. Your Pardon, Royal Madam's what I want, For all the Grief which I have caus'd in you. I had no gentler Means to fave Lorenzo, But by appearing to obey the King. I us'd the Heart of him Cardono ſtabb'd, To work my End, and raiſe a Father's Pity. Hoping your real Diſtreſs might move the King, And wake Repentance in his Royal Soul. My Plot fucceeded, and I'm happy in it. Leon. Let tender Maids, who feel the Force of Love; For ever bleſs, and ever praiſe thy Name. May'ſt thou ne'er aſk of Heaven or Man a Boon, But may it be with double Portion granted. Come to my Breaſt, thou Partner in my Grief, And witneſs, ſacred Truth, how dear I hold thee. Enter 380 The CRUEL GIFT. Enter Captain. Capt. The Citizens hearing Lorenzo lives, Laid down their Arms, and bleſs'd your Majeſty ; But Lord Antenor was in the Buftle flain. Lear. Alas! my Father! King. Let this fair Virgin recompenſe thy Loſs, While all thy Father's Honours live again; And with a better Grace adorn thy Brow. But oh ! be warn'd by his unhappy Fate, What Dangers on the doubling Stateſman wait! Had he prefer'd his King's and Country's Good, This public Vengeance had not fought his Blood; But while the fecret Paths of Guilt he treads, Where Luft of Power, Revenge, or Envy leads, While to Ambition's lawleſs Height he flies, Hated he lives, and unlamented dies. The End of the SECOND VOLUME. 1 UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN 3 9015 03094 3628 DO NOT REMOVE OR MUTILATE CARD ->