J^TcHu^rfX Sf. 'A- . V «/^J An Account of the LIFE Of the late Reverend Mr. David Brainerd^ Minifter of the Golpel, Miffio7tary to the Indians, from the honourable Society in Scotland^ for the Propagation of Chriftian Know- ledge, and Paftor of a Church of Chriftian Indians in New-Jerfey. Who died at Northampton in New-England, OHoh, oth 1747. ^" ^^^ 3°^^ ^^^^ ^^ ^'^ -^S^ • Chiefly taken from his own Diary, and other private Writings, written for his own life j and now publilhed, By Jonathan Edwards, A. M. Minifter of the Gofpel at Northampton, BOSTON: N E. Printed for and Sgld by D, Henchman, in CornhiH. 1749^ ,#^>- -g? The PREFACE, THERE are two Ways oF rcprcfenting and recommending true Religion and Virtue to the World, which God hath made Ufe of; The one is by Do6lrine and Precept ; the other is by Inftance and Example : Both are abundantly ufed in the holy Scriptures, Not only are the Grounds^ Nature, Defign and Importance of Religion clearly ex- hibited in the Doctrines of Scripture, and it's Exercife andPradlice plainly delineated and abundantly cnjoin'd and enforced in it's Commands and Counfcls : But there we have many excellent Examples of Religion, in it's Power and Pradice, fet before us, in the Hiftories both of the Old Teftament and New. — - Jesus Christ^ the great Prophet of God, when he came into the World to be the Light of the iVorld^ to teach and enforce true Religion, in a greaterDegree than ever had been before, he made Ufe of both thefe Methods : In his Dodrine he declared rhe Mind and Will of God, and the Nature and Properties of that Vcrtue which becomes Creatures of ourMake and in ourCircumftances, more clearly and fully than ever it had been beforejand more powerfull/ enforced it by what he declared of the Obligations and Inducements to Holinefs ; and he alfo in his own Prac- tice gave a mod perfcdl Example of the Vertue hs taught. He exhibited to the World fuch an illuilrious Pattern of Humility, divine LoVe, difcreet Zeal, Self- deaial, Qbed/ence, ' Patience, Refignation, Fortitude^ A 2 Mceknefs^ ii fhe PREF ace: Meeknefs, Forgivenefs, Compafiion, Benevolence, and univerfal Holinefs, as neither Men nor Angels ever faw before. God alfo in his Providence has been wont to make Ufe of both thefe Methods to hold forth Light to Mankind, and Inducement to their Duty, in all Ages : Hr has from Time toTime raifcd up eminent Teachers, to exhibit and bear Tcftimony to the Truth in their DoSrine, and oppofe the Errors, D.rknefs and Wicked- m\s of the World ; and alfo has, from Age to Age, raifcd up fome eminent Perfons that havefet bright £;^- (jiw/)/(?j of that Religion that is taught and prefcnbed in the Word of God ; whofe Examples have in divine Providence been fct forth to publickView. Thefe have 3 great Tendency to engage the Attention of Men to the Dodtrines and Rules that are taught, and greatly to confirm and enforce them ; and efpecially when thefe bright Examples have been exhibited in the fame Per- sons that have been eminent teachers, fo that the World has had Opportunity to fee fuch a Confirmation of the Truth, Efficacy, andAmiablenefsof the Religion taught, in the FrfiCtice of the fame Perfons that have moft dearly and forceabjy taught it ; and above all, when thefe bright Examples have been fet by eminentTeach- ers in a variety of unufual Circumflances of remarkable "Trial •, and God has Vvithal remarkably diftinguifli'd them with wonderful Succefs of their Inflrudlions and Labours, confiiling in glorious Events that have been in many Refpeds new and firange. Such an Inftance we have in the excellenlP^r/off.whofQ pfe is publifned in the following Pages. HisExampIe is attended with a great Variety of Circum(iances,tend- ing to engage the Attention of religious People, efpeci- ally in thefe Parrs of the World ; He was one of dif- tinguii^M natural Abilities ; as all arc fenfjble, that had Acquaintance with him : He was a Miniller of the Golpel, and one who was called to unufual Services \(\ ihu Wcrjc, whofe Mini/tr/ v/as artendcd with very re, markab!^ ne F REF AC E' iu markable and unufual Events, an Account of which has already been given to thePublick ; one whofeCourfe of Religion began before the lateTimes of extraordinary religious Commotion, but yet one that lived in thofc Times, and went through them, and was very much in the Way of the various extraordinary Effedls and unuijal Appearances of that Day, and was not an idleSpedlator, but had a near Concern in many Things that pafs'd at that Time j one that had a very extenfiveAcquaintance with thofe that have been the Subjcds of the hit reli- gious Operations, in many of thcfe Britifh Colonies, in Places far diftant one from another, in People of many different Nations, of difFereat Educations, Manners and Cuftoms ; one who had peculiar Opportunity of Ac- quaintance with the falfe Appearances and Counterfeits of Religion : One who himfelf was the Tnflrument of a mod remarkableAwakening, and an exceeding wonder- ful and abiding Alteration and moral Transformation of fuch Subjedls as do peculiarly render the Change rare and aftonifliing. In the following Account, the Reader will have Op- portunity to fee, not only what were the external Cir- cumftances and remarkable Incidents of the Life of this Perfon, and how he fpent his Time from Day to Day, as to his external Behaviour •, butalfo what pafs'd in his own Heart, Vat wonderful Change that he experienced in his Mind and Difpofition, the Manner in which that Change was bro't to pafs, how it continued, what were it's Confequences in his inward Frames, Thoughts, Af- fedions and fecret Exercifes, through many Vicifiitudes and Trials, from thenceforth for more than eightYears, *till his Death ; and alfo to fee how all ended at laft, in his Sentiments, Frame and Behaviour, during a long Seafon of the gradual and fenfible Approach of Death, under a lingring lllnefs, and what were the Effeds of his Religion in dying Circumftanccs, or in the laft Stages of his dying llinefs. The Account being writi- ^ tej3, iV ne PREFACMl ten, the Reader may have Opportunity at his Leifure to compare the various Parts of the Story, and deliberately to view and weigh the whole, and confider how far what is related is agreeable to the Didlates of right Rea- fon and the holy Word of God. I am far from fuppofing, that Mr. Brainerd'% inward Exercifes andExperiences, or his external Conduf!-, were free from all Imperfedion : TheExample of JeJuiCbrifi is the only Example that ever was fee in the human Nature, that was altogether perfedl ; which therefore is a Rule, to try all other Examples by ; and the Difpofi- tions,Frames, andPradicesof others muft be commend- ed and followed no further, than they were Followers cf Cbriji. There is one Thing in Mr. Braifterd,QSifi]y difcerna- ble by the following Account of his Life, that may be called an Imperfcdion in him, which tho* not properly an Imperfedtion of a moral Nature, yet may pofiibly be made anObjedtion againft the extraordinaryAppearanccs of Religion and Devotion in him, by fuch as feek for Objections againft every Thing that can be produced in Favour of true vital Religion ; and that is, that he was one who by his Conftitution and natural Temper was fo prone to Melancholy and Dejcftion of Spirit. There are feme who think that all ferious ftridlRfligion is a melancholy Thing, and that what is callcdChriftian Experience, is little dk b&fides melancholy Vapours difturbing the Brain, and exciting cnthufiaftical Imagi- nations. But that Mr. Brainerd's Temper or Confti- tution inclined him to Defpondency, is no jufl Ground to fufpeft his extraordinary Devotion, as being only the Fruit of a vvarm Imagination. I doubt not but that ail who have well oblervedMankind, will readily grant this, that it is not all thofe who by their natural Conftitution or Temper are moft difpofcd to BejeBion, (hat are the Perfons who are the moft fufceptive of lively and ftrong Imprcflions on their Imagin^tiong or the moft fubj^fdlto thofe rhe PREFACE. f ihofc vehement impetuous AfFedlions, which are the Fruits of fuch Impreffions ; but that many who are of z very gay and /anguine naturalTcmper are vaftly more fo, and if their AfFedions are turned into a religious Chan- nel, are much iRore cxpofed to Enthufiafmj than many of the former. And as to Mr. Brainerd in particular, notwichftanding his Inclination toDcfpondency, he was evidently one of that Sort of Perfons who ufualiy^arc the furtheft from a teeming Imagination ; being one ©f a penetrating Genius, of clear Thought, of clofe Reafon- ing, and a very cxa6l Judgment ; as all know, that knew him. As he had a great Infight into human Nature, and was very difcerning and judicieus in Things in ge- neral, fo he exccird in his Judgment and Knowledge of Things inDivinity,but efpecially ihThings appertaining to inwardcxperimentalRcligion; moft accurately dillin- guifhing between real folid Piety and Enthufiafm, be- tween thofe Affedlions that are rational and fcriptural, having their Foundation in Light and Judgment, and thofe that are founded in whimfical Conceits, ftrong Imprcffions on the Imagination, and thofe vehement Emotions of the animal Spirits that arife from them. He was exceeding fenfible of Men'sExpofcdnefs to thefe Things, how much they had prevailed, and what Mul- titudes had been deceived by them, of the pernicious Coafequences of them, and the fearfulMifchief they had done in the Chriftian World. He greatly abhor'd fuch a Sort of Religion, and was abundant in bearing Tefti- mony againft it, living and dying ; and was quick to difcern when any Thing of that Nature arofe, tho* in it's firft Buddings, and appearing under the moft fair and plaufiblc Difguifes ; and had that Talent at defcrib- ing the various Workings of this imaginary Enlbu" fiajtical Religion, evincing the Falfenefs and Vanity of It, and demonftratiog the great Difference between this and true fpiriiual Devotion, which I fcarcely ever knevr equalled in any other Pcrfon, '^^^ And hisjudicioufneft did Vi "Ihi PREFACE. did not only appear in diftinguifhing among the Expe-^ rienccs of others^ but alfo among the various Exercifes of his own Mind % and particularly in difccrning what within himlelf was to be laid to the Score o^Mdanchoiy, in which he exceeded ail melancholy Perfons that ever I was acquainted with (tho'Ihave been in the Way of Acquaintance with very many ; ) which was doubtlefs owing to a peculiar Strength in his Judgment : 'Tis a rare Thing indeed, that melancholy People are well fen- fible of their own Difeafe, and fully convinced that fuch and fuch Things are to be afcribed to it, as are indeed it's genuine Operations and Fruits. Mr, Eraineri did not fjbtain that Degree of Skill, which he had in this Matter, at once, but gain'd it gradually ; as the Reader may difcern by the following Account of his Life. In the former Part of his religious Courfe, he imputed much of that Kind of Gloomincfs of Mind and thofe dark Thoughts, to fpiritual Defertion^ which in the latter Part of his Life, he was abundantly fenfible, were owing to the Difeafe of Melancholy ; accordingly he often cxprefly fpeaks of them in his Diary as arifing fromthisCaufe ; and he was often inConverfation fpeak- ing of the Difference between Melancholy and godly Sorrow, true Humiliation and fpiritual Defertion, and the great Danger of miltaking the one for the other, and the very hurtful Nature of Melancholy, difcourfing with great Judgment upon it, and doubtlefs much more judicioufly for what he knew by his own Experience. But bcfides what may be argued from Mr. Br:fi^Jm ; but operated by dark and difcouraging Thoug()i.s of himfelf, as ignorantj wicked and wholly Unfit for the Work of the Mini dry, or even to be feca among Mankind, ^c, Indeed at the Time fore- fnentioned, when he had not learn'd well to diftinguifh bctweenEnthufiafm &rolidRe]igion,he joining and keep- ing Company with Lme that were tinged with no fmaJl Degree of the former, for a Seafon partook wiih them in a Degrre of their D.fpoucions and Behaviours; tho* as was obferved before, he could nut obuin thofcThings a a wheicin ^iii r^e preface: l^herein their Enthujiafm It felf confided, and {6 could tiot become like 'em in that Refped, however he ef- roncouriy defired and fought it. But certainly it is not at all to be wondered at, that a Youth and a young Convert^ cne that had his Heart fo fwaliowed up inRe- ligion, and fo earneftly defired the flourifhing of ir, but had had To little Opportunity for Reading, Obfervatioa find Experience, fhould for a while be dazzled and de- ceived with the glaring Appearances of that miftaken Devotion and Zeal ; cfpecially confidering what the extraordinary Circumftances of that Day were. He told me on his Death- Bed, that while he was in thefe Cir- cumftances he was out of his Element, and didViolence to himfelf, while complying, in his Condufl, with Per- fons of a fierce and imprudent Zeal, from his great Veneration of fome that he looked upon much bettef than himfelf. So that it would be very unreafonablejthat his Error at that Time (hould neverthelefs be efteemed a juft Ground of Prv-judice againft the whole of his Re- ligion, and his Charadter in general •, efpecially confi- dering, how greatly his Mind was foon changed, and how exceedingly he afterwards lamented his Error, and abhor'd himfelf for his imprudentZealandMifcondud at that Time, even to the breaking of his Heart, and al- moft to the overbearing and breaking theStrength of his Nature % and how much of a Chriftian Spirit he (hew- ed, in his condemning himfelf for that Mifconduft, as the Reader will lee. What has been now mentioned cf Mr. Bra!r,erd,h fo far from being jtifl Ground of Prejudice again ft what is related in the following Account of his Life, that, if duly confidcred, it will render the Hiftory the more Ssrviceabie, For by his thus joining for a Seafon with Enthufia^s.ht had a more full & intimateAcquaintance with what belonged to thatSort of Religion, and fo was under better Advantages to judge of the Difference be- tween that,and the other, which he finally approved and drove to his utmoft to promote, in Oppofuioa to it : And The PREFACE. H And hereby the Reader has the more to demonflrate to him, that Mr. Brainerd in his Tellimony againft it and the Spirit and Behaviour of thofe that are influenced by it, fpeaks from impartial Ccnvidlion, and not from Pre- judice ; becaufe therein he openly condemns his own for- mer Opinion and Condud, on Account of which he had greatly fuffcred from hisOppofers,and for which fome continued to Reproach him as long as he lived. Another Imperfection in Mr. Brainerd,vi\\\ch maybe obferved in the following Account of his Life, was his being eitcejftve in his Labours ; not taking due Care to Proportion his Fatigues to his Strength. Indeed the Cafe was very often fo, and fuch the feeming Calls of Providence, that it was extremely difficult for him to avoid doing more than his Strength would well admic of; yea, his Circumftances, and the Bufinefs of his Mifiion among the Indians, were fuch, that great Fa-^ tigues and Hardffiips were altogether inevitable. How- ever, he was finally convinced, that he had err'd in this Marrer, and that he ought to have taken more thoro* Care, and been more refolute to withftand Temptations to fuch Degrees of Labour as injur'd his Health ; and accordingly warned his Brother^ who fucceeds him in his Miflion, to be careful to avoid this Error. Befides thelmperfedions already mentioned, it is rca^ dily allowed, that there were fome Imperfeftions that ran through his whole Life, and were mixed with all his religious Affedions and Exercifes, fome Mixture of what was natural with that which was fpiritual ', as it evermore is in the bed Saints m this World. Doubtlefs there was fome Influence that natural Temper had in the religious Exercifes and Experiences of Mr. Brainerd^^% there moft apparently was in the Exercifes of devout David, and the Apoftles Peter, John and Paul; There -was undoubtedly very often fome Influence of l;ii§ natural Difpofition to Dejedion in his religious Mourning,fom@ Mixture of Melancholy with truly godly Sorrow and real Cbriftian Humility, and fome Mixture of the natural a a a f iJ^e X T^e P RE F AC E. Fire oF Youth with bis holy Zeal for God, and fome Influence of n.itural Principles mixM with Grace in va- rious other Refpeds, as it ever was and ever wil! be with the Saints while on this Side Heaven. Perhaps none were more fenfibie of Mr. BrainercTs Imperfedions than hehimfelf; or could difl:inguifh more accurately, than he, between what was natural and what was Ip^ritual. *Tis eafy for the judicious Reader to oblerve, that his Graces ripen'd, and the religious Exercifes of his Heart became more and more pure, and he more and more diftinguiHiing in his Judgment, the longer he liv'd : He had much to teach and purify him,and he failed not to make his Advantage thereby. But notwithftanding all thefe imperfedions, lam per- fwaded, every pious and judicious Reader will acknow- ledge, that what is here let btfore him is indeed a re- markable Inftance of true and eminent Chriftian Pictv in Heart and Pravftice ; tending greatly to conrirm theReali- ty of vital Religion and the Power of Godlinefs, moil v/orthy of Imitation, and many Ways tending to the fpiritua! Bcnefic of the careful Obferver. Tis fit, the Reader fliould be avvsre, that what Mr* Brainerd wrote in his 7D/V?rv, out of which tl^e following Account of his L'Fe is chiefly taken, was written only for his own private Ull% and not to get Honour and Applaufe in the World, nor with any Defign that the World fliould ever fee ir, eitlier while he lived or after his Death, excepting fome few Things that he v/rote in a dying State, after he had been perfwaded (vvith Diffi- culty) not entirely to fdpprefs all his private Writings. He fliewed himfclf almod invincibly averfe to the Ptib- lifljing of any Part of hisD/"rv after hjsDeath ; and when he was thought to be dy !-;.[< at Rofton^ pave the moft find peremptory Orders to the Contrary : but being by fome of his Friends tliere prevailed upon to withdraw fo ftrid and abfolure a Prohibition, he was pleafed finally to yield {o far as that bisP.'ip'rs /boutd he left in myHands^ tbat I m'^gbf difo^fe of th:m a^. Itbcv^hi. zvould be mofl fcr ^'be P RE F AC E^ ^i God's Glory and the Inter efl of Religion —But afewDayi before his Deacii, he ordered Tome Part of his Diary to be deftroyed(as will afterwards be obfervedj which ren- ders thcAccount of hi^Life the lefs comp!eat. And there are Tjiiie Parts of hisD/^ryare here left out for Brevity's Sake, that would ( 1 am fenfible) have been a great Ad- vantage to the Hiftory, if they had been inferted ; par- ticularly the Account of his wonderful SuccefTes among the Indians ; which for Subftance is the fame in his pri- vate Diary with that which has already been made pub- lick, in the Journal he kept by. order of the Society in Scotland^ for their Information. That Account, I am of Opinion, would be more entertaining and more profitable, if ic were publifhed as it is written in his Diary, in Con- nexion with his fccret Religion and the inward Exercifes of his Mind, and alfo with the preceedingand following Parts of the Story of his Life. But becaufe thatAccounc has been Publiihed already, and becaufe the adding ic here would make the Book much more bulky and more cofllyjwhich m^ght tend to difcourage the Purchafe and Pcrufal of It, and fo render it Irfs extenlively ufeful, I have therefore omitted that Part. However, this Defcd may in a great Meaftire be made up to the Reader, by his purchcsfiiig his poblickJournal.iLnd reading it in its Place, with this Hiftory of his Life ; which undoubtedly would be well worth the while for every Reader, and would richly recompenfe the additional coil of the Purchafe. I hope therefore, that thofe of my Readers who are ejoc furniOied with that Book, will, for their ov/n Profit and Entertainment, and that they may have the Story of this excellent Perfon more compleac, procure one of thofe Books ; without v/nich he mufl: have a very imperfedb View of the mod important Part of his Life, and ( on feme Accounts^ of the mofl remarkable and wonderful Things in it.-- 1 fhould alfo obferve, that bcfides that Book, and antecedent to it, there is a Narrative relating to the /wi^/^?-/ Affairs, annexed to Mr. Pemkrlon's Sermon 3t Mr. Brainerd*s Ordination j which likewife may the ri) rhe PREFACE. more profitably be read in Conjundtion with his Diary previous to Nov. 5. 1 744. But it is Time to end this Preface, that the Reader may be no longer detain'd from the Hiftory it fclf. JV. B. Thofe Parts of the following Hiftory, that are included between Brackets thus [ J are the Words of the Publifher^ox the moft Part, fumma- rily reprefenting ( for Brevity's Sake) the fubftance or chief Things contained in Mr. iBm«^r^'s Diary, for fuch a certain Space of Time as is there fpeci- fifd : The reft is theAccount that he gives of him-^ felf in his private Writings, in his own Words. I prefump, fcarce any Reader needs to be told, that [ A Mt. ] on the top of the Page, fignifies ^he Tear of his A^e^ and [ A. D. ] ^he Tear of our Lord. ^l^'^'^l^'^W^hs'ik^mi Befides the Errqta at the End of the Life, the Reader is defu'd to corredl the following. Page 69. 1. 36. r. cries, p. 77. I. 35. r. wringout. p. i?2. 1. 3?. r. have more. p. 124. 1. 24, 25. r. and often feel. p. 128, J. 12. r. Bleiled be God. p. 154. I. 16. r. Nejhaminy, p, 177. 1. 22. r. any Spirit, p. 311. J, 14. r, to a^it. p. 315, J. 29. r. tfckea fiofii. si^^ip^sii^^^^sisi8ii^ai^.si^ The Names of Subfcribers to the Rev. Mr. i^mw^r^ s Life. Province of ihs Maffachufctts-Bay. His Excellency Jonathan Belcker, Efq; lace Governour of the Majfacbujeits, now Govcrnouf ©f Newjerfey, The Hon. Sir William Pepperrell, Baronee, A HOn. JohnAIford, Erq; Daniel App]eton,Erq; Rev. Nafh. Appleion Rev. Hull Abbot Rev. J )reph Afhley Joffph Appleton i>amuel Adams, A.M. Capt. William Ayres Capt. J^ob Abbot Aaron Auftin Elifha Allis Jofeph Alien bamuel Adams Samuel Adams, jun, David Adams John Applen Capt. Noah Afhley Rictiard Atweli IS/lz-y Aufiin Samuel Allen John Adams Feter Adams irrae) Afhley John Afhley Benjamin AuftiD Sarah Alien B HOn. Tho. Berry Efq; Hon. Sylv.BournEfq; Rev. John Barnard Andrew Burley, Efq; Rev. Daniel Blifs Rev. Thomas Balch Rev. Simon Bradftreet Edward Bromfield John Barret Jeremiah Belknap Jofeph Be'knap Jer. Belknap jun. Thomas Baxter Mary Bennet Thomas Bromfield Epharim Brown John Bearton John Barnard Jonathan Burt Fellows Billings Reuben Belding Jofeph Billings Jofeph Bacon Preferved Bartlet Jofeph Baldwin Elkanah Bun Samuel Brett Capt. — - Browrt Samuel Bancroft juR« Abigail Beck Mofes Bradfireet Spencer Bennet VViiiiam Brown jun< Samuel Bafs John Bjllentinc Cotton Bradbury Jofeph B agdon jun« Tabitha Hragdon Samuel Bragdon Jeremiah Hragdon Ivlary Rulman Ifraei Butler Jofeph f^iCiop Jofeph nucklin William Browa Jacob hurgis Jaccib Barnev Edward f:lake Grmfill Blake James Brigs WiiliamBrettuf John Brigs James Bliike David Suhfcrihsrs Names* Benjamin Blancy David Blood William Bartlet Jobn Bulkley Jofliua Barton Kobcft BJake Samuel Blifs Stephen Badger fienjamin Belknap Samuel Bafcumb David Biair Daniel Bucknam Noah Brooks Jonathan Baker JonaihanBakcr C HOnJohnChand- Icr, Efq; Hon.Ez.ChecveiEfq; Jolhua CheeverjEfq; Rev. Ames Cheever Rev. Peter.Cjark Joh. Ghoatc, Efq; Roland Cotton, Efq; Jonas Clark, Efq; Rev. Sam. Checkley Berj. Crocker M. A. Rev. AaronCicveland Rev. Samuel Cooper Rev.S. Check'ey.jun Rev. JamesChandler Rev. John Chandler Rev. Jofiah Crocker Rev. SvlvanusConan Berj. Church, M. A, t Capt. John Codman Nathan Cheever ^Villiam Cooper The mas Cufliing John Call Ralph (rofs Richard Cary Bejanmin Chapin John Chamberlain Capt. Mofes Curtii John Clement E eazer Clark Blilha Cook Noah Cook, juHt David V. iark Charles Clap Selah Clark Ithamar Clark Eliphalet Clap Jofiah Clark, jun. Mofes Clark Daniel Clark Aaron Cook Jofiah V hauncey D HOn. Sara, l>^r\' forth, E.'q; Hon.Jor.DwighfEiq; Timoihv DwightEfq; WiliiamDownCjEfq; Rev. Jufeph Davis btephen Dean Samuel Dtming John Dcming Nathaniel Davis C apt. Eliphalet Day Col. Thomas Dunnell Hannah Dyer Simeon Dwight John Deman apt JonathanClark ( hriflopher Dyer Eliakim Claik Jofiah Clark John Clap Jofeph Clark JiaacChild Samuel Colburn Abraham Cumings Jofeph C apron bamuel Cufhman Cap^Elca. Carpenter Samuel Dakin Benjamin C rabtree Be/j^minDay John Crabtree bamuel \^^\ James Coding Ephraim Dean Nathaniel Carver David Deaa Samuel C afwell Ei*j.h Dean C apt. Thomas Cobb Ebenezer Dean William Dunning Ifaac Dodge Ezekiel Dodge Samuel Dwighc Obadiah Dickinfun John Dckiffon Thomas Dickmron Jonathan Dickmfon Azariah Dickinfcn Eber.ezer Crane J> fiuh Lonnant Jfrael Cheever John Croxford Stephen Crawfoot Laniberton K 6oper Z chcus Crocker Ebcnezer Child Jonathan Church Mofts Coffin, John Dexter. £ REv. JofEmerfcn Rev. Andr.Eiiot Rev. Jofliua Eitcn RevJor.Emerfon,jun;.. Andrev!' Eliot iJrt'Wn Emerfon Jacob Emmcna Jofeph Edwards Suhfcrikrs Namssl Bf rj min Edwards Jchfi Eli Samue! Edwards Jofir.h £ Ton Joi.isr:.ja £veret. F HOu. Frances F. x cra't Efq Bc.i.Wm Fo,t,K(q, JohnFairwearhci k q; Rev. John Fox Rev. Tho. Fcxcroft John Fuller, Efq; William Fenwick William Fairfield Andrew Frifwel James Fofter Samuel Frothlngham Ebenezer Fifher James Fofdick Phil'p Freeman iofeph Fofter lalph Farnam Matthew Farnam Jofeph Farnam Grafton Feveryear Benjamin Fofter ElifoaFifh Eli Forbufh Obadiah Frary Jacob French John Field Gerflinm Fletcher Ifaae Farnfworfh Timothy Fuller Edward Foftgr Jonathan Freeman ^tephen Fu!;er Jonathan Fox Jabez Fifher JEbenezer Freefe. G HOii. Tohn Green reafc, Ef^i Rev.Dan.Greenleafe Rev.Samjuel Mopkint David Goiham Efqi Rev. Abraham Hill Rev. Ebe«itzer Gay R^v.^hi Hemingway Rev Elias Haven Ab ah Hvlbrook J< hn Hiilier Capt. J hn Harmon Capt. Dan. Ha V ward Rev. Ellis Gray Rev. J. hn Graham John Greeiileafe Jofeph Green iamuel Grant L enjamin Greenleafe Reuben Hermon J.mes Grten Daniel Hubbard .-.mucl Green Aaron H.chcock Ezekiel Goluthwait Enoch Holcomb Thomas Greenough bimon Hunt BenjaminGoldthwait John Hammond Abicl Goodwin Daniel Grove Robert Garden JabtzGay William George Jofeph Gilifen Benjamin Gott James Grey Edward Goodwin Samuel Gay ford John Gunn Ebenezer Guild Robert Grev Chauncey Graham Robert Grey Ichabod Ooodin. H Lawrence Hart Nehemiah Hall David HalJ Stephen Hofking William Hodges Jofeph Hall Abigail Hall Jofeph Hall, jun. William Hack John Hall Shad. Hathway M.A« Jacob Hayward Thomas Hayward Nehemiah Hobart Jofeph Hews Nath Healy Aaron Haws Capt. Eli&a Hedge OOn. Ed. Hutch^ *- -*• infon, Elqj Jonathan Hale Edw.Holyoke, Prefi. John Hacks of Harvard-College Stephen Hall Robert Hale, Etq; Elifha Hill ThomasHubbariiEfq Henry Hayward ThomasHancockE% Samuel Waven John Hill, Efq; MofesHale Edw.Hayward, Efq; Benjamin Holt Rev. NathHincbman Nehemiah Harrendsn Rev. William Hobby Jofeph Holt Rev. Ivory Hovey Caleb Hopkins a a a John John Harburt William Homes iofeph Hidden ;phraim Hayward John Hart John Hay Nicholas Hopping John Hancock tenjamin Hurd, jun^ Aaron Hutchinfon. Suijcrlhers Kamssl L HOn EzekielLewis Efq; Hon.GeoLeonardElq Jofeph Lemmon Efq; Samuel Leonard, Efq; Rev. Dudley Leavit ThomasLambertEfq; Maj. Zeph. Leonard Caleb Lyman Noah Lyman Gad Lyman I HOn. John Jeffries, Elias Lyman Efq; Caleb Lampfon Thomas Jenner,Erq; Samuel Lord Rev. Jedidiah Jewet John Langdon Rev. Samuel JefFcrdg Ebenezer Little Rev. Ifaac Jones Rev. Jonathan Judd Thomas Judd Samuel [ones Jonathan Ingram lenjamin Ingott Daniel JohnfoB £Ii Ingraham John Johnfon iiamuel Johnfon Edward Ingraham. K EdwardLangdonjun, Jofeph Lyman Ifaac Lyman William Lyman Nathaniel Lewis Robert Lufcomb Jabez Lothrop James Leonard Jonathan Lincoln Jonathan Lilley James Leland Jeremiah Lawrence 'Amuel KentjEfq; John Longley, jun. *^Rev. Sam.Kcndall Pclcg Lawrence John Knight Ebenezer Lane John Kneeland John Kneeland, jun Jonathan Kettle William Kettle Dudley Kent Samuel Kinfley David Kennedy Bcnjaroin King Ebenezer Kendall John Kendall Nathaniel Kimball RicharH Kimball Caleb Kimball. Capt.Eliph. Leonard John Littlefield John Littlelieldj jun. Daniel Little Jofeph Low William Lam^on Jofeph Lord Robert Lawtiidge Ebenezer Luce. M LjOn.Jer. Moulton hr q; HonJamesMin»iE'q Rev. Hen. MciTengcr DanielMouIton,Efq5 Capt, Jer. Moulton Rev. John Moorhead Rev.Thad. Maccarty Tim. Minot M. A. Daniel Marfh Buriah Man Capt. EleazerMelvin Capt. SamMountagu James Mears Mofes Marfh Richard Millberry Samuel Marih Ebenezer Marfh jun* Daniel Marfli John Mountagu Jonathan Moody Edward Mackard John Mitchcl Michael Metcalf John Mountgomerj Benjamin Mors Moody Mora John Mudge Sarah Martyn Richard Martyn Gerfhom Makepelce Nathaniel Metcalf Cutting Moody Samuel Millberry Jofeph Main Robert Martyn Michael Metcalf Samuel Meriam Edward Martindale. N FRancis Nicholfon Afa Noble Thomas Norton Daniel Novcc Jonathan Nichols John Nichols John Noyce 9 Suhfcribers Namesl O XJOnJohnOiborn, 51 Efq; Hon.Andr.OlivcrEfq William Owen Jonathan Oakes. P HOnJof.Pynchon Efq; John Phillips, Efq; Timothy Prout, Efq; Rev. Thomas Prince Charles Pcirce, Efq; 01iverPartridge,Erq; Samuel Pool, Efq; Thomas Pain, M. A. Rev. Samuel Phillips Rev. Jona. Parfons Rev. Tho. Prentice Rev. Solo. Prentics Rev. John Porter Rev. Eben. Parkman Rev. John Parker Rev. Mofes Parfons Rev. Samuel Porter Charles Phelps Martin Phelps Elifha Pomroy William Phillips SamPhillipsjun.M.A. Mofes Peck Elidii Pomroy John Perry Benjamin Parker William Prefect James Pullen William Pullen Abiel Packard Lydia Packard James Packard Ifaac Packard Ebenczer Pitts Petsr Pf^tt John Pickens Zechariah Padeford Cornelius Putrtam Jacob Parker Eleazar Pearce Jjhn Parker Jeraihmeel Pierce Jofeph Phipps Elijah Phipps Lemuel Powers Edward Putnam Stephen Prentice John PearfoR John Powers Jofiah Putnam Nathan Peabody Timothy Prat Jofeph Parker Jacob Porter Thomas Payne John Prober Daniel Pomroy Ifaac Parfons Jofuh Parfons Jacob Parker William Patten. Q. HOn. John Qiiin- cy, Efq; R HOn.DanielRufTel Efq; Syl V.Richmond, Efq; Rev. Nath. Rogers Ifaac Royal, Efq; Rev. Solomon Reed Capt. Obadiah Reed Capt. William Reed Jofeph RobertsM.A" Jofeph Robey, M.A. James Rankin John Robbing Noah Robinfon & a a^s Daniel Reed Benjamin Rockwood Ifaac Rand Nathaniel Rand George Robinfon Thomas Rich Jacob Reed James Reed John Robbins Simeon Root. S REvJof.SewallD.® Rev. Nath.Stone Samuel Sewall, Efq; John Storer, Efq; Jofeph Sawyer, ECe^i John Steel, Efqj Nathaniel StonCjEfq; Rev. John Shaw Rev. Nathan Stone Capt.EbenezerStorer Jofeph Sherburn Malachi Salter John Symmes John Scollay Capt. Edward Sheaf Samuel Phil. Savage Thomas Symmes Zechariah Symmes Abigail Stevens Capt.Jonatii, Sheldon Jonathan Sheldon jun, Elijah Sheldon Obadiah Smith Thomas Smith Samuel Smith Ichabod Strong Noah Strong Caleb Strong Eliflia Scarl Caleb Sheldon Elizabeth Strong Jqha § trickled Sim Sulfcrihers Namssl Samuel Sm'th Daniel '^m th Aaron Smith Conftant Southwor*h ^echanah Snell Ma* hew Smi:h Simon Slocomb Benj;»mjn Slack Ruh Slack Noah Sabin Simue! Shackley Capt. J.ihn btevens John btifd Jeremiah Shuttack John .'i wallow John SpafFjrd John Scott Thomas Strowbridge Samuel Samner NathanieiSnell M.A. Capr. JohnStockwell John btoekwell jun, William Shepard Francis Stratien Richard Stratcen S;ephenSewa!!,M,A. Michael Shute Abraham Smiih Ifaac Sm;;h Be j min v^mith J h:i Smith ifaac Smith j UP. Sp.muel Sari^ent Dsniel Shaw Jofeph Swain James SavwarJ i^amuel Sewall Jiamuel Sewall, jun. S.^mne! Sewall, Ter- Benjjmm Stone Jonarhan Savward jofeph Simi:\fan, jji), Benjaaiifl ^Uak Ruth Slack Thomas Stanley Luke St bbins Elhanan Spear Jofeph Swain. T OXenbridge That- cher, Efq; Rev. Samuel Tobey Rev. Row). Thacher Rev. f'eter Thacher William Thjmfon Maj. Na'h. Thwing Jofeph Torry Richard Thompfon Stephen Titcomb Samuel Treadwel! William Thomas Henry True Peter Thayer Gerftiom Tinney Archibald Thomas Ifrael T.fdale John Tifdale Birth'^Iemew Town John Town bolomon Townfend David Trail Divid Taylor Richard T.ippen Timofhv T^ppen Samuel Tiicon^b Cjpc. Samuel Tyler Capt. Samuel Tingley J mcs Tillfon John Titus William Tenill VVigplefsvorthTapen Mofes Turtle Eld^Tavior. U J-lUgh V.^s Jabez Upham Richard Upham Nathaniel Upbara< W J^On. Jofiah Wil- lardjE.q; Hon. Jacob Wendell, Efq; Hon.Sam.Welles.Eiq Hon. S'.m. Watts Efq; Rev. Edward Wig- glefworth, D. Di Rev. Nehe. Walter Edward Winflow, Efq l\ev. Jeremiah Wife Pev. Wm. Williami Jefhu a W mfloWjEfq; Rev. Samuel Wigglef- worth, Niihum Ward, Efqj Rev. John Webb Rev. Abjah Weld Rev. John Walts Rer. J hn W.'cv RevChefter Wjjjj.pns Peleg Wfvvall A.M. Ifaac Walker Jan.uhan Wills Thr>m?is Wait John Winflow John Weft Daniel Wair Capt. D^vid Wyer David Wood Thomas Wood Bezaliel Wilder Jofeph Whitney Jonathan Wells Thomas Wyer Stephen Wright Oliver Warner Jofliua Wells Nathaniel Wells Icabod Ward Artcmii Suhfcrihers Names'^ Arteroas Ward Benjamin White Jeremiah Whipple Nathaniel Whitney Benjamin Wheeler Francis Wheeler Nath. Whiftemore Hezekiah Ward Obadiah Walker Sarah Williams Simeon Williams James Walker Peter Walker Ifaac Whitney Nath. Williams Abiel Williams Jofiah Waters William Whitwell Jonathan White John W^)ods Ifaac Woods Obadiah Wright James Wilfon Jonathan Wheelock OHver Waffon Ebeneier War;eit John Watfon,jun. Joibam Walton Jabcz Weaze John Whiting Jonathan Whiting Jofhua Winter Ephraim Weffen. Y Enajah Young. B COLONTOF CONNECTICUTT. CHrlftopherAvory, Efg; Capt. John Avered Abraham Avery John Allen Jofliua Avered Jofeph Allen Jafon Allen Richard Andrews Jofeph Arnold Enoch Arnold Samuel Andrews John Abbie Phillip Abbot Samuel A(hley, jun. B •T*Heophilus Bald- -* win, Efq Col. AaronBrownfon William Buel, Efq; J^hn B y^% Erq; ii^muel B iffet, Efq; Rev. Wm. B'jrnham Rev. Jofeph Bellamy Rev. Gef», B^ckwith Ecv. Nchcm, Barker Jofeph Bird, Efq; RevDan Buckingham Capt. [onathanBaker Capr. fohn Bebee Timothy Brownfon Richard Brownfon Matthew Bellamy MatlhewBdlamyjun. Samuel Bellamy Abel Bains Jonathan Benedick Thomas Benedick Thomas Betts Ifaac Brownfon Jofiah B:own(on Thomas Brownfon James Baldwin Jofiah Bjmb James Bradford H;z 'kiah B ITel Daniel Butt Ebenezer Balch Capt. Samuel Bebee Enoch Bayer Benjamin Baldwin Theophilus Baldwin Benjamin Blackman Ichabpd Brown Jonathan Brownfon The»p. Baldwin jun* Jonathan Billings Jonathan Bradford Pclatiah BHfs William Bennet Capt. Samuel Bifhop Samuel Batl Ebenezer Baldwin Nathaniel Brown Mofes tarret Elijah Belcher Jonathan Brewfter Samuel Branch Benjamin Blogget Tho. Benedick, jut!. James Baldwin Abraham Bennet Caleb Baldwin Jonathan Botsford Jacob Bunee James Bebee Abel Beech Jonathan Burr Noah Baldwin Joel Baldwin Nathaniel Brownfon , Charles Brownfon Nath, Suhfcrihers "Names. William Bebce Daniel Brainerd Azar Beech Jonathan Badger Jonathan Bingham Jofeph Bingham Malichi Butler Solomon Bill OlivcrBrcwftcr. C COL— ConantEfq; Maj Samuel Colt Jofeph Clark, Efqj Rev ThomasCanficld John Crery, E^q; Capt. Eleazer Carey Jofiah Conant Jofeph Clark Hczekiah Camp Charles Chopen Nathaniel Compalk James Ciap John Comftock ZebadiahComftock Samuel Comftock Gideon Comftock JohnCopp Nathaniel Cufhman Deindams Curtifs J«nathan Cafs Nathaniel Cone Jofeph Cone John Church Capt. Samuel Cowles Matthew Cole George Clark, AM. Matthew Cadwell Capt. Tho. Curtifs Ebcnezer Coe Azariab Curtifs Jofeph Clark Eleazer Clark Daniel Curtifs Obadiah Cook Jonathan Clark,jun, Seih Cutler John Clark Benjamin Chaplin BcnjaminChaplinjun. Samuel Coburn. D ELiphalct Dyer, Efq; Rev. MofesDickinfon Samuel Dorrance George Dorrance Robert Denifon Avery Denifon Capt. John Douglafs SethDean, A. M. William Dcnifoa Adam Denifon Jonathan Dean Ebenezer Dains Jedidiah Dana Abi Dammon Daniel Dudley John Down Eleazer Dickinfon Afa Douglafs Jofiah Dean Jonathan Devereux Nathaniel Dean William Dean Benjamin Denton Benjamin Duning Ebenezer Downs Ebenezer Dains Silas Doan Jedidifah Dana. E SAmuel Emmons Ebenezer Everit John Englilb IOfephFowlerjEfij; Rev. Jofeph Fifh Capt. Benjamin Fcnn Amos Fuller Nathaniel Fifh John Flower Ephraim Fellows Nathaniel Ford William Farnaia Ezekiel Fox Thomas Fargo Stephen Fuller Zebediah Farnam Phineas Ford Eiifha Fitch Pelatiab Fitch Ruth Fobes Simon Fobei Daniel Fitch Jofiah Finney John Finney Abigail Falmon Ebenezer Fuller Samuel Fielding James Flini Matthias Fuller Thomas Fitch, juot G REv. John Gra- ham Math. Grifwold Efq; Capt.NathanGiddens Rev. Jacob Green Obadiah Gore Jofeph Gennings Henry Gibbs Thomas Goodwin John Gourdon John Groman John Gillet Francis Guitcau Timothy Goodwin Benj. Suifcrilers Names] Ebenezer Grant Benjamin Graves Lemuel Griffin Jedidiah Graves iJamuel Gillet Ifaac Grifworth Alexander Gordon Daniel Gates. H HOn Hezek.Hun- tingtonjEfq; JabezHantingtonEfq Rev, Dan. Humphry Noah Hinman, Efq; Capt.Ele.Mutchinfon John Hutchinfon James Hanes, jun, Samuel Hare Barnabas Hall Nathaniel Hall William Holt Robert Holt Jofiah Hammon NAthaniel Hovey NathanielHovey jun. Zebediah Holt John Houfe Stephen Hutchinfon Samuel Houfe Lebuit Harrii Ifaac Higley Ifaac HofFord Jafeph Hinfdcll Jofiah Hurlburt i)aniel Hoffjrd Jofiah Hooker Capt.Mofes Hawkins Benjamin Hicock Eleazer Hinman Stephen Hicock Andrew Hinraan Juftus Hicock John Hovey JamesHurlburtM.D. Jofhua Holt Paul Holt John Hibbard Henry Hewit Daniel Holt Nehem. Huntington Richard Hide Obadiah Heath David How Robert Hebard Jamei Mc'Hillhoufe Abel Holbr«ok John Hall Nathaniel Hide Jonathan Hinckley Thomas Harvey Jofeph Huntington Jofhua Hendie Chrifto. Huntington Reuben Hubbard William Hamblcton Ifaac Hill, jun. James Hooker Hczck. Hooker, jun. William Hooker Hugh Hanna Ahira Hill- 1 REv. David Jewit Rev David Judfon Jacobjohnfon, A.M. James Ingalls William Johnfon Jofeph Jacobs, jun. Nathaniel Jewit James Jud Abel Judfon Ebenezer Junes Calebjohnfjn. K Jonathan Kelfey Robert Ktjnnedy Dennifon Kingiberry Jonathan Kingfbcrry Thomas Kenny Azariah Kenny Timothy Kimball Jofiah Kingfley James KafTon Samuel Knowles £ldad King John Kafen Benjamin Kellogg Samuel Kellogg; 5J On.SamuclLynde *^ Efq; Rev. Henry Lord Rev. Jonathan Lee Rev. Mark Leaven- worth Sam . Lock wood A. M* James Lockwood Jofeph Lee Jofeph Lee, jun, Simeon Lyman John Landon Ebenezer Leach Nathaniel Loomis Jacob Lyman David Lynian Ifaac Lawrence Jofeph Lcckwood Peter Lockwood Nehemiah Lewi* Hezekiah Lee John Led yard Ebenezer Lymaa Jofiah Lyman Benoni Loomis Jofeph Loomis Benjamin Lothrcp Thomas Lyraan Nathaniel Loomis Thom:i3 L*omis SaraucI Sui^fcrihers Names'^ Samuel Lcc Ifaac Lawrence Be pj am in Lord, M Simeon Minor, Efq; Rev. GideonMjlls RevEvanderMorrifeB Capt Richard Munfoa Daniel Mecks Samuel More Joaaihan Mearitt Hczekiah May Samuel Miner John Meigs John Meigs, juji. isamuel Marlhall James Morris Jonathan Munger Ephraim Minor CUment Minor Matthew Minor Matthew Mitchel Simon Miichel Jonathan Martin Sarah Millaid David Miller Thomas Millard Jonathan Maliby JcHah Mack William Morgan Daniel Morgan Jofeph Morgan Thomas tdarilial Rev. SajnucJ Mofely Nathaniel Mofely George Martin Cieorgc Martin, jun. Ebenezef Martin. N lOhn Ncwcomb .1 Obadiah.Newcom Nathaniel Newell . Rutji Newell Hezekiah Newcomb Jfaac Norton, jun. T*mes Norton J inathar. North Ebenezcr North O CApt. SarauelOlm- {tead J»hn Owen J^feph Otis William Ofgood Daniel Ofgood James Occom. P SAmuelPrenliceEfq JofephPitkin, Efq; JofephPerkin5,A.M. John Porter Experience Porter Btnjamin Paine Jofepb Prcflon John Potwine John Paine VVilliam Peai)ody Samuel Plumb Jonathan Prentice Peter Powers Thomas Phelps Nathaniel Porter Richard Pcet Nathaniel Porterjun* Ifaac Peck Henry Peck Mic4J^h Pride David Palmer Joftn Palmer Rufus Piicc John Phelps Eztrkiel Feirce James Pinnes Mary Pierce Capt. Edward Phelps i^\^i} Ptiice Theodore Prefton ' Timothy Pearl Capt. ifaac Parilh Edward Paine J..leph Porter Abraham Pcirfon Gerftiom Palmer Benjamin Pomroy Timothy Porter William Porter John Peck Jacob Prcfton William Prefton.- R REv.Dav,Rowland Rev.NathRibertS Rev. A (her Rofuer John Robinfon ichabod Robinfon Elifha Rockwell Nathan Randall Jofhua Raymond Jofiah Rofe Rufus Rude George Richards Ebenezer Riclwdfoa David Ripley Azariah Rood Jgfeph Richards Samuel Raymond Jonathan RufTell Samuel Robbins Eliakim Raymond Jofeph Rofts SarauclRindle* S THomasStofrsE'*q; Rcv.Rich. Salter BenjaminStiles A.M. Jofeph Spencer William Stewardj James Steward Pcicr Speocer Jofepb Suhfcrihers Names] Joff pTi SkfF NifhiiniC' Shattock JofephSulLird If -tel Shdv Eliakiiii Smith Dihie S Jyiin Thomas eymour W llijm •»ukfnner El'(h-^ Sheldi^n AzirS-nith Cap^ Jjhn Sprague HuGhrns .'^torrs Cape. Samuel Storrs Capr. Jof. Sweetland Recompcnce Smith Joi. Svveetland, jun. Thofnas Siiaw Jacob Stebbins Jonathan bmith John >teel Samuel Strong John Sherman Giles Slaughter Ifaac Scudder Jofeph St. John Daniel St.J .'h« Samuel Sanford John Sanford Andrew Sanford David Sanford EphraimStrnng A.M Jofeph ^afford Solomon S<.fford Ezekie) Story Jofeph Sntord Ephraim Smich Jacob Strong John Shepard Zebolon Scvmour bamuel Smtdlcy Capr. Elifha Stoddard J'if.Wilcockfon,Erq{ J'fiah btrong Jumes Stoddard David Stowell Ebc >ezer Stowell David Smith Ann Seldin Samuel Spencer Benjamin Smallcy Elj^h Sprague Elizabeth Swiff. T Roger Wolcott, Efq; David Whitney,E q; ReVoSolom Williami Ebenezer Wales, Efqj NaihanielWales,E ^ Rev. Stephen Whi Rev. Jabez Wrigl Rev.Ebcn.WheeK Warham Wi'liams Tut. Yale C Peletiah Webfter pAp t. James Tyler Elftia Wane.i ~ Benoni Wnght William W.'- Ebenez John i Mofe' Tyler Stephen Tucker Jedidiah Tracy H'^peftil Tayler Nathaniel Tracy Daniel Tracey Joel Thrall Samuel Tracey EliOia Tracey Philip Turner Nathaniel Tracey J feph Tracey EliakimTupper Ec*mond Tompkins Nathaniel Thornton Samuel Tonfly *£lea%ei 1 Nathaniel »» J feph VVarne? Katharine V\'ebf!\'r Ilimuef Woodv/aid Ifracl Wcodwjrd Preftrved Wright Capt. JofialiThatrVer Ich*bod Warner James Tompfon William Trumhall Jonathan T\vi?s Ebentzer Tor^.ipfon Ebenezer T?ylor John Twec^dy Tames T'.if .le. I^Apt. jamesUdey. W' r^OlEliih. Williams Benjamin Winchoi Charles WoodruJfF Beijimin Wouoiiifi^ Elriathaf> Wh'j(fij»fi Jofliua Wniriify,jun. Daniel Williams Samuel Warner Sibylla Whitehead,. Frsi^imt Suifcrihers Namesl Province of N ElV-TO RK, A F tJ^UIiam Adams, CTephen Fofler *^ A. M. ^ G ^f B Ik f AJ.Abra.Garner ''^ 'aac Barnes, Efq; ^^ William Glean Eliao Bailey, Efq; Fhomzs Golcifmith > David BoftA'ick Daniel Gcldfmith ^; Ifaac Brown Ja per Griffin, v*. S?»muel Biid H ;a. Batbcr. A, M. pLifhaHutchinfon, t. WilliamBryant je) Brown n Bailey •ey Efq; Rob. Hempfted, Efq; Jofiah Howell, Efq; Rev. Azar. Horton Jon. Hunting, A. M William Hedges Jofeph Hicks Snmuel Hazard 'eh^ JonathanHazard,jun \ Nathaniel Hazard Chat-i JohnHuBting .eld, Efqi Ezekiel Hedges ob. Conk! in JoiepU ConkiinTer Samuel Cux Thc^mas Cooper John Cook D^vid Cor with Nj(tph Carpenter Jacob Carle Ana Carle. D Sx'Vrnuc! L)cnton J kph Dcvis M»:gu;ct Du Bo is Daniel Di^^iton. E E Zckici Everet Everet J.jhn Hedges Benjamin Hutchinfon Abigail Flull Ojnftant Havens SaTiuel Howell Sari^uel Hunting I. Theo. Howell Eli'fh^^ Howell Ifiael Halley Ciipr.E'eaz. Hawkins E'c-ze-.-fawkinfjjun. Ch:.ries Fi.well Abi?>h^m Howell Ezeliion E.i J The mas J;, i'np Nathan Jagga:. VyflliamJrn^idi.Efqs Capf.VVm. Smith WilliamPcmithA.M. Nicholas Smith . : Elizabtih vStJtwcii Gilbcit omifh Richard Suhfcrihers Names] Richard Smith Job Smiih Bsnjamiu Strong Selah Strong Be.iajah Strong Thomas Strong^ T W r> Ev.Wm.Throcp jOfeph Wi^kam, Rev. Sylvahus While Ejnathan White Richard Wiggins Jonathan Toniplon, U *YOfcph Valentine. Benjamin Wright Richard Woodhull Rich. Woodhull jun^ Obadiah Wells, PROVINCE OF NEPF'JERSEr. REv.Tho.Ahthur JohnAyrcSjEf.,; William Allen John Anderfon anet Aikoirm Hannah Anderfon Mofes Ayres William Axtell Jonathan Arrifon Henry Axtell Thomas Applegate James Afhton; William Aline. B REv.Aa,BurrPrefi. of N.JerfeyCol Rev, Eliab Byram Robert Bar kley Henerica Bennom Samuel Brown Daniel Bayles, jun, Caleb Baldwin Ifaac Ba bbet Ebenezsr Byram,jun. William Boyd Samuel Bealy Solomon Brown Frederick Buchelow John Bu€kelow Samuel Barren Timothy Ball John Black Francis Brewfter Robert Breden Peter Booth Robert B'air. C REv.JaraCampbell fames Crumnoe Mary Craig Thomas Commy Barnabas Curtifs Jonathan Comes John Carr, jun. William Collwell Elizabeth Crawford William Cruckaiank Jean Cathcart John Chambers William Covenhaven Alexandria Craig Ezra Cary John Cary Daniel Cary Jacob Coaaocart Thomas Cock Samuel Clark. a a a a 2 D O Ev. James Da- •■■^ venport Nathaniel Dotey Henry Dfbroy Lucus Dwedt William Davifon WiiliamDavifon, juji Samuel Daiyhigh Duncan Dove, E MAfkell Ervin D^vid Englii^ James Ertglifo NoahEley. F TAmes Fullertow •^ Jeremiah Field Michael Field Katharine Frazler Charles Ford Jonathan Fiazee JVilliam Ford Sarah Francis Nathaniel^'Fofter. JchnFinley. G William Ga.%ii David (^somtt Bknof Gili^gnd Subfcrihers Names] Jofcph Gallon Hendrtcjc Cialock Jocham Gulock. H JOnath.H>>lmes,Erq, Rev. Andr. Hunter Thomas Hambim Jonas Hoey Adam H.ll Klofes Hemb Mary Head Francis Hall James Hamilton Simon Horn William Horn Hannah Horn Wilham Hugan John Hendcribn John Hill Michael Henary William Henary Uanicl Henary John Hoey. I SAmuel Johnfon, Efq; Richard Jewdl William Jones Stephen Jefup, K John King John Kelly Aiexande' Killp^trlck William \Uk Samuel Ker , Jofe^jii KerJ "Li REv. Jofej-jh Lamb Kev, Tho. Lewis Ephr.^ini Li>cliheart P.-.i^Y Lecort e,M.D» Ka harine Llord £j^an;,JUisiiy James Lvan Lt'Ji Lewis J^mes Lefley R ger Liiwfon Eliphalet Lewis Mijy Leffjrs Abraham La Rue Thomas Lake Samuel Lowden. M "D ev.Charles Mac- ■^^ knight Samuel Mac'Conkey Mary Millikin El zabeth Mslhkin James Moore Robert Mc*Fee Mary Maitifon Aaron Mattifon J 'hn Macferran J:^eter Mac'Dowel David .Mac*Cowin M^t'hias Mount Anne Mount John Morehead Thomas Merfhon Jofeph Monow J hn Macombs Mary Macombs Samuel Macomaly Andrew Mackmakin James Magee Sarah Macalafter James Martin John Mac*Gillird Jeorge Mills Ifaac Mill* Her.ja. Mackfarling George Mac*K:(kin Jacob Mattifon Hugh Martin James Martin N WIlliamNorcrofs Rob Newell Samuel Ne^ifun Thomas Newman. O TOhn O ivantl ^ S.ephen Ogdem P REv John Peirfon Tho. Paget.Efq; J.'feph Peck, E^q; JohnPeirfonjun.M.D Tobias Poiemus Ephraim Phillips Peier Parine Howell P .well Heiberi Peck James Pitney John Porter. R HOn JjhnReading Efgs Martin Ryerfan^Elcii Rvjbert Roife James Rufs Sarah Read Brice Rihy ' John Roy Nath. bw-z. Randolph Matthew Rue Samuel Rolfe Robert Roe] Abraham Reeves John R(jfbrugh John Rancy Robert Renolds* c RAIph Smith, E% Rev.TirrtSymmv'3 Rev. Eiihu Spenccn Michael Sweetm>A Derick Sutvan { Jacob Sutphen John Suhfcribers Names, John Stockton John Sodon Dtrick vSutvan Alburt Shank William Suobey Luke Scank Heni) S oan Jjmes S out Henr>' Scaly. T Koarl Van Toorhaag Wm Tenncnt Henrick Voorhaa J ihn Tomfon Ruih Toweftiend Aartm Tomfon J(>fHh Throope. U THomas Vandike Art Vankirk Thomas Urmftone Tobiaj Van-Norden. W REv EleazerWalcs J.Wetherill,Ef<|| Agnis Watfon James Wales. P ENNS2^L J^ANIA. A VVTHliam Adams '^ Arch. Anderfon Thomas Armitrong Davjd Allen. B fl E\'. Char, Beatty *-^Rev. SamuelBlair Rev. John Blair Thomas Brown Hugh Bartley J^ hn Howrlen Stephen Bower Ifaac Billien Nathaniel Britten Robert Bredcn George Bradley John Blakly Edmond Beach William Biddle £. Boudinot Thomas Bourne Jofeph Biddome Andrew Blackburn Jofeph Browne John Bi^y^o C WM. Crajg, Efq; Tho.CraigEfq; .Rev. Alex. Gumming Al«;ga»der Colbieth Matthew ( larkfon Th<.mas Clark John Carfen J^mes Craig Kitharme Culley David Chambers Jacob Cooper Samuel Cheefeman John Campbel Mary Campbel William Clingan George Clingan Mofes Crawford Jimes Cumings James Craven Daniel Craig John Crawford, D Robert Downgy Thomas Davis Tr ftram Davis John Davis Jonathan Drewrel Mary Dobin. E DAvid Edmifton John Edward Robert Eaftburn William Edmifton, F Ev, Sam. Finley Magnui Falconaf John Finley Hugh Fargufon John Fullerlawn Thomas Francis John Fifher Robert Finley ManafTeh Finley William Falconer John Freenjan Jofeph Fox Samuel Fifher John Frazier. G C^Apt. Wm. Grant ^ John Grey Hugh Gunning. H A Lex. Hunta-jEfq; CaptJam.Hufton Samusl Hazard Jofeph Hair Benjamin Hair Hugh Hamiltoi* Robert Henry Alexander Hannah William Hodge Andrew Hodgc^ Hugh Hodge Kald ; frequently longing, from a natural Inclination, after 2 liberal Education. When 1 was about twenty Years of Age, I lipplied my felf to Study ; and fometime before, was more than* % rdinarily excited to and in Duty : But now engaged more than ever in the Duties of Religior . 1 became very ftrift, and watch- ful over my Thoughts, Words, and Anions ; and thought I iiiufl be fober indeed, becaufe I dtfigned to devore my felf to the Ivliniftry ; and imagined I did dcditate my felf to the Lord. Some Time in ^pril 1738, I went to Mr. Fijke's^ and lived with him, during his Life. * And I remember. He adviled me wholly to abandon young Company, and afibciate m}felf with grave elderly People : which Coanfel I followed ; and my Man- lier of Life was now exceeding regular, and full of Religion, iuch as it was : For 1 read my Bible more than twice through in lefs than a Year, I fpent much Time every Day in fecret Pray- er, and other fecret Duties j I gave greatAttention to the Word preached, and endeavoured to my uimoft to retain it : So much concerned was I about R-eligion, that I agreed v/ith fome young Perfons to meet i^x\v?iiQ.\y gu Sabbath- Evening s tot xtWgious Ex- crcife?, and thought my felf fmcere in thefc Duties ; and after our Meeting w^s ended, I ufed to repeat the Difcourfes of •the Day to my felf, and recollect what I could, tho' fometimes it was verv late in the Night. Again, ov\Mond<.y-Mcrnii7gs^ 1 ufed fometimes to recollecSt the fam6 Sermons. And I hafi fon.rtimes confiderable Movings of AfFe6iions ifiDuties,and mucbPleaiii-e, and had many Thoughts of joining to the Church. Li f?!-.. t, I had a very good outfide, and refted entirely on my Duties, tho* 1 was not fenlible of it. After Mr. Fijke*'^ Death, I proceeded in my Learning with my Brother ; and was fiill very conftant in religious Duties, and oJien wondered at the Levity of Profefi'ors ; *iwas a Trouble to me, (hat they were fo carelefs in religious Matters.--- Thus I proceeded a coniidciab'e Length on z felf-righteous Foundation ; and fliould have been entirely loft and undone, had not the mccr Mercy ot God prevented. Mr. I-ifie was the Paftor of the Church in Haddam. •Some ^/. 2 f . of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1738. 5 Some Time in the Beginninc: of Winter, ^/2W5 I738,itpleared God, on one Sabbath-day Morning, as I was walking out for fome fecret Duties ( as I remember ) to give me on a Suddca fuch a Senfe of my Danger and the Wrath of God, that I ftood amazed, and my former good Frames, that 1 had pleafed myfelf with, all prefently vanifhed ; and from the View, that I had of my Sin and Vilenefs, I was much diftrefTed all that Day, fear- ing the Vengeance of God would foon overtake me ; I was much dejeded, and kept much alone, and fometimes begrutched the Birds and Beafts their Happinefs, becaufe they were not expofed to eternal Mifery, as I evidently faw I was. And thus I lived from Day to Day, being frequently in greatDiftrefs : Sometimes there appeared Mountains before me to obftrudt my Hopes of Mercy ; and the Work of Converfion appeared fo great, I thought I fhould never be the Subje(5t of it : But ufed, however, to pray and cry to God, and perform other Duties with great Earneftnefs, and hoped by fome Means to make theCafe better. And tho' I Hundreds of Times renounced all Pretences of any Worth in my Duties ( as I thought ) even in the Seafon of the Ferformance of them, and often confefTed to God that I deferv- ed nothing for the very beft of them, but eternal Condemnation : Yet ftill 1 had a fecret latent Hope of recommending my felf to God by my religious Duties ; and when I prayed afFedionately, and my Heart feemed in fome Meafure to melt, I hoped God would be thereby moved to pity me, my Prayers then look'd with fome Appearance oiGoodnefs in *em,& I feemed to mournioT'^m I and then I could in fome Meafure venture on the Mercy of God in Chriit ( as I tho't; ) Tho' the preponderatiog Thought and Foundation of my Hope was fome Imagination of Goodnejs in my Heart Meltings, and Flowing of Affections in Duty, and ( fometimes) extraordinary Enlargements therein, k^c. Tho* at fome Times the Gate appeared fo very firait^ that it look'd next to impoffibleto enter ^ yet at other Times 1 flittered my felf that it was not fo very difficult, and hoped I (huuld by Diligence and Watchfulnefs foon gain the Point. Sometimes after Enlarge- ment in Duty and.confiderable AfFe6tion, I hoped I had made a good Step towards Heaven, and imagined that God was afFe£led as I was, and that he would hear fuch fmcere Cries ( as I called them) and fo. fometimes when I withdrew for fecret Duties in greatDiftrefs,! returned fomething comfortable i and thusheal'd niy fcif with my Duties. 6 ^t. 22. r&5 LIFE A. D. 1739? Some Time in February 1738,9. I fet apart a Day for fecret Fafting and Prayer, and fpent the Day in almoft incefiant Cries to God for Mercy, that he would open my Eyes to fee the Evil of Sin, and the Way of Life by Jefus Chrift. And God was pleafed that Day to make confiderable Difcoveries of my Heart tome : But.ftill 1 /rw/?^^ in ail the Duties I performed; tho' there wa's no Manner of Goodnefs in theDuties I then performed, there being no Manner of Refpedt to theGlory of God in them, nor any fuch Principle in my Heart : yet God was pleafed to make my Endeavours that Y^^'y a Means to {hew me my Help- lefsnefs in fome Meafurc. Sometimes I was greatly encouraged^ and imagined that God loved me and was pleafed with me, and thought I fhould foon be fully reconciled to God ; while the Whole was founded on meer Prefumption, aiifing from Enlargement in Duty, or Flow- ing of Affe6lions, or fome good Refolutions, and the like. And when, at Times, great Dlftrefs began to arife, on a Sight of my Vilenefs and Nakednefs, and Inability to deliver my felf from a fovereign God, I ufsd to put oft the Difcovery, as what I couid not bear. Once, I rcmsmber, a terrible Pang of Diftrefs feized me, and ihe Thoughts of renouncing my Self, and (landing naked before God, ftripped of all Goodnefs, were fa dreadful to me, that I was ready to fay to 'em as Felix to Paul^ Go thy JVay for this Tims. Thus, tho' I daily longM for greater Con- viction of Sin, fuppofing that I muft fee more of my dreai^ful State in order to a Remedy, yet when the Difcoveries of my vile hellifli Heart were made to me, the Sight was fo dreadful, and fliewed me {o plainly my Expofednefs to Damnation, that I could not endure it.—- I condantly ftrove after whatever ^ialifications^ 1 imagined-others obtained before the Reception of Chrilt, in order to recommend me to his Favour. Sometimes I felt the Power of an hard Heart, and fuppofed it miiit be fo(ten'd before Chrift would accept of me ; and when I felt any Meltings of Heart, I hoped now the Work was almofl done : And hence, when my Diftrefs ftill remain'd, I was wont to murmur at God's Dealings with me ; and thought, when others felt their Hearts foftened, God fliewed them Mercy : But my Dilkefs remained ftill. Sometimes 1 grew re?mfs zndjlu^gi/h, without any great Con- victions of Sin, for a confiderable Time together j buX after fuch a Seafon, ConviSiions fometimes feized me more violently. One Night I remember in particular, when I was walking ^litarily Abroad, I had opsn'd [o ms Tuch aViev7 of iJiy Sin;that JSl.22i ^/ Ma David Brainerd. A.D.1739; 7 I feared the Ground would cleave afunder under my Feet, and become my Grave, and fend my Soul quick into Hell, before I could get Home. And tho' I was forced to go to Bed, left my Diltrefs fhould be difcovcred by others, which I much feared 5 yet I fcarce durft Sleep at all, for 1 thought it would be a great Wonder if I fhould be out of Hell in the Morning. And tho* my Diftrefs was fometimes thus great, yet I greatly dreaded the lofs of Convidions, and returning back to a State of carnal Security, and to my former Infenfibility of impending Wrath ; which mad€ me exceeding exa6t in my Behaviour, left I fhould flifle the Motions of God's Spirit. When at any Time I took a View of my ConvitSlions of my own Sinfulnefs, and thought the Degree of *em to be confiderable, I was wont to trufl in my Convidions : Bat this Confidence, and the Hopes that arofe in me from it, of foon making fome notable Ad- vances towards Deliverance, would eaCe my Mind, and I foon became more fenfelefs and remifs : But then again, when £ difcerned my Cor,vi(Slions to grow languid, and I tho't them about to leave me, this immediately alarmed and diftrefled me» Sometimes I expedled to take a large Step, and get very far to- wards Converfionj, by fome particular Opportunity or Means I had in View. The many Difappointments, and great DiftrelTes and Per- plexity I met with, put me into a mqft horrible Frame of con^ iejling with the Almighty; with an inward Vehemence and Virulence, finding Fault v/ith his Ways of Dealing with Mankind. I found great Fault with the Imputation of Adarri^ Sin to his Pofterity : And my wicked Heart often wifhed for fome other Way of Salvation, than by Jefus Chrid : And being itke the troubled Sea^ and my Thoughts confufed, 1 ufsd to con- trive to efcape the Wrath of God by fome other Means, and had flrange Projedllons, full of Atheifm, contriving to difappoint God's Defigns and Decrees concerning me, or to efcape God's Notice, and hide myfeif from him : But when, upon Reflec- tion, I faw thefe Projedlions were vain, and would not fervc me, and that I could contrive nothing for my own Relief, this would throw my Mind into the mofi horrid Frame, to wifli there was no God, or to wifh there were fome other God that could controul him, ^c. Thefe Thoughts and Defires were the fecret Inclinations of my Heait, that were frequently 2i€i'mg before 1 was aware ', but alas, they were mine! Altho* I was affrighted with t!^m, when- [came to refled on thera : When I confidered of it, it diftreiied me, to t-hink, that my Heart 8 ^t. 22. 1U LIFE A.a 1739: Heart was io full of Enmity afainft God ; and it made me tremble, left God's Vengeance (hculd fuddenly fall upon me, I ufed before, to imagine my Heart was not {o bad, as the Scriptures and fome other Books reprefcnted. Sometimes I ufed to take much Pains to work it up into a good Frame, a humble fubmiffive Difpofition \ and hoped there was then fomeGoodnefs in me : But it may be on a fuddenjthe Thoughts of the Stridlnefe of the Law, or the Sovereignty of God, would fo irritate the Corruption of my Heart, that I had io watched over, and hoped I had brought to a good Frame, that it would break over all Bounds, and burft forth on all Sides, like Floods of Waters, when they break down their Damm. JBut being fenfibleof the NecefTity of a^eep Humiliation in order to a faving Clofe with Chrift, 1 ufed to fet my felf to work in my own Heart tho(eConvi^ions, that were requifite in fuch an Humiliation : As, a Convidlion, that God would be juft, if he caft me off for ever : And that if ever God fhould beftowMer- cy on me, it would be meer Grace, tho' I fhould be in Diftrefs many Years firft,. and be never fo much engaged in Duty ; that God was not in the leaft obliged to pity me the more for all paft Duties, Cries, and Tears, i^fc. Thefe Things I ftrove to my utmoft to bring my felf to a -firm belief of, and hearty aflentto ; and hoped that now I was brought off from my felf, and truly humbled and bowed to the divine Sovereignty -, and was wont to tell God in my Prayers, that now 1 had thofe veryDifpofitiona ofSoulthathe required, and on which he fliewed Mercy to others, and thereuj^on to beg and plead for Mercy tome: But when I found no Relief, and was {till opprefled with Guilt and Fears of Wrath, my Soul was in a Tumult, and my Heart rofe againft God, as dealing hardly with me. Yet then myConfciencc flew in my Face, putting me in Mirtd of my late Confeffion to 'God of his JulHce in my Condemnation, ^c. And this, giving me a Sight of the Badnefs of my Heart, threw me ^gain into Diftrefs, and I wifhed I had watched my Heart more narrowly, to keep it from breaking out againftGod'sDealings with me, and I even wifhed 1 bad not pleaded for Mercy on Account of my Humiliation, becaufe thereby 1 had loft all my feeming Good- nefs. Thus, Scores of Times, I vainly imagined my felf humbled and prepared for faving Mercy. While 1 was in this diftreffed, bcwilder'd, and tumultuous State of Mind, the Corruption of my He^rt was cfpecially /m- tated with ihc(c 17iings following : I. The j^L 22l a/ Mn David Bralnerd. A.D.1739. ^ I. The /i r iSf ne/i cJ:thed\v\ne Law. For I found it Was >m- lioflible for me (after my utraoftPains) to anfwer iheDemandsof it. 1 often made new Refolutions, and as often broke thrm. I imputed the whale to Carelefnefs, and the Want of being more VVacchfuI, and ufed to call my felf a Fool for my Negligence : But when, upon a ftronger Refolution, and greater Endeavours, and clofe Application of my felf to Faftrng and Prayer, I found all Attempts fail, then I quarrelled with the Law of God, as unreafonably rigid. I thought, if it extended only to my out- ward Adions andBchaviours, I coujd bear with it : But I found it condemned me for my evil Thoughts, and Sins of my Heart, which I could not poflibly prevent. I was extreamly loth to give out, and own my utter Helplefnefs in this Matter : But after repeated Difappointments, thought that, rather than perifh, I could do a little more flill, efpecially if fuch ard fuch Circumftances might but attend my Endeavours and Strivings 5 1 hoped, that I fhould ftrive more earneftly than ever, if the Matter came to Extremity ( iho' I never could find the Time to do my utmoftjin the Manner { intended :) And this Hope of fu- ture more favourable Circumftance??., and of doing fomethirg great hereafter, kept me from utterDefpair in my felf, and from feeing my felf fallen into the Hands of a fovereign God, and dependent on nothing but free and boundlefs Grace. 2. Another Thing was, that Faith alone was the Condition ef Salvation j and that God wouM hot come down to lowerTerms ^ that he would not promife Life and Salvation upon my fincere and hearty Prayers and Endeavours, That Word, Mark xvi. i6, iieihat believeth not^Jhall be damned, cut ofF all Hope there : And 1 found. Faith was the fovereign Gift of God ; that I could not get it as of my felf, and could not obligeGod to beflow it upon me, by any of my Performances. ( Eph. ii. i, 5c 8. ) Thisy I was ready to fay, // a hard Sayings who can hear it P I could not bear, that all 1 had done fhould ftand for mecr nothing, t^ho had been very Confciencious in Duty, and had been ex- ceeding religious a great while,- and had ( as f thought ) done much more than niany others that had obtained Mercy. I con- fefs'd indeed the Vilenefs of my Duties ; but then, what made 'em at that Time feem vile, was my wandring Thoughts in them J not becaufe I was all over defiled like a Devil, and the Principle corrupt from whence they flowed, fo that I cculd not poflibly do any Thing that was Good. And therefore I Called whit I did, by the Name of honeft faithful Endeavours 5 and could ngtbear it^thatGod had made noPromifesof Salvation' ^ th^iay - - g. ^^ Another 10 2Et. 22." 5^;^^ LIFE A.D. 1739. 3. Another Thing was, that 1 could not find out what Faith was ; or what it was to believe, and corrn to Chrijl, \ read the Calls of Chiift, made to the zveary and heav) laden ; but could £nd no IVay^ ihat he dirc6ted them to come in. I thought, I would gladly come, if ( knew how^ tho* the Path of Duty directed to were never fo difficult. I read Mr. Stoddard*^ Guide t Chri/i ( v/hich 1 truft was, in the Hand of God, the h^'ppy Means of my Converfion ) And my Heart rofe againft the Author ; for tho* he told me my very Heart all along under Convidaions, and feem'd to be very beneficial to me in his Di- re6lions ; yet here he fail'd, He did not tell me any Thing I could do, that would bring me to Chrift, but left me as it were with a great Gulf between me and Chrift, vi^ithout any Dire(5li- on to get through. For I was not yet effedually and experi- mentally taught, that there could be no Way prefcribed, where- by a natural Man could, of his own Strength, obtain that which is fupernatural, and which the highefi Angel cannot give. 4. Another Tl)ir!g that I found a great inward Oppofition to, was the Sovereignty of God. I could not 'bear, that it fhould be wholly at God's Pleafure, to fave or damn me, juft as he would. That Paflage, Rom. ix.ii,— -23. was aconftant Vexation tome, efpecially Verfe 21. The reading or meditating on this always deilroyed my Teeming good Frames : When 1 thought I was almoft humbled, and almoft refigned to' God's Sovereignty, the reading or thinking on this PaiTage would make my Enmity againit the Sovereignty of God appear. And v^hen I came to n liv;6l en my inward Enmity and Blafphemy, that arofe on this Occafion, I was the more afraid of God, and driven further from any Hopes of Reconciliation with him ; and it gave me fuch a dreadful View of my fclf, that I dreaded more than ever to fee myfclf inGod'sFlancJs,and at his fovereign Difpofal, and it made me more oppofite than ever to fubmit to his Sovereignty ; for I thoui;ht God defigned my Damnation.-— All this Time the Spirit of God was powerfully at work with r^e ; and I was inwardly prefTcd to relinquiO>all Self- Confidence, all Hopes of ever helping mv felf by any Means whatfoever : And the Convic^iion of my loji Eftate was fometimes {q clear and manifeft before my P^yes, that it was a5 if it had been declared to me in (bmany Words, " 'Tis done, 'tis done, 'tis forever im- polTible to deliver your {^\l " For about three or four Days, my iJoul W3s thus diftrefred, efpecially at fome Turns, when for a few Moaienis 1 fcemed to my k\l loit and undone \ but then would J?/. 2 2. c/ Mr. David Braincrd. A.D. 1739. 11 would (brink back immediately from the Sight, becaufe I dared not venture my felf into the Hands of God, as wholly hc]^)lcrb% and at the Dirpofal of his fovereign Pleafure. 1 dared net (ee that important Truth concerning my fclf. That I was ^/^<7^//;2 Trefpajps and Sins. But when I had as it were thruft away thcfe Views of my felf at any Time, I felt diftrelled to have the fame Difcoveries of my felf again; for I greatly feared being given over of God to final Stupidity. When I thought of putting it oiF to a msre convenient Sea/on, the Corwiaion was fo clofe and powerful with Regaid to the prefent Time, that it was the beft Time, and probably the only Time, that I dared not put it ofF. It was the Sight of Truth concerning my felf, Jruthjd- peding my State, as a Creature fallen and alienated from God, and that confequently could makenoDemands onGod forMercy, but muft fubfcfibe to the abfolute Sovereignty of the divir.e Be- ing ; the Sight of the Truth, I fay, my Soul fhrank away from, and trembled to think of beholding. Thus, he that doth Evil (as all unregenerate Men continually do ) hates the Light of Truths neither cares to come to it, becaufe it will reprove his Deeds, and (hew him his juft Deferts. ( Joh, iii.20.) And tho', fome Time before, I had taken much Pains ( as I thought ) to fubmit to the Sovereignty of God, yet I miflook theThing ; and did not once imagine, that feeing and being made experimentally fenfible of this Truth, which my Soul now fo much dreaded and trembled at a Senfeof, was the Frame of Soul that I had bt^n fo ear- neft in purfuit of heretofore : For I had ever hoped, that whea I had attained to that Humiliation, which I fuppofed necelTary to go before Faith, then it would not be fair forGod to caji me off% but now I faw it was fo far from any Goodnefs in me, to own my felf fplritually dead, and deftitute of all Goodnefs, that, en the contrary, my Mouth would be ^oxtwa ftop'd by it ; and it look'd as dreadful to me, to fee my fe]f,and the Relation I fiood in to God, as a Sinner and a Criminal, and he a great Judge and Severeian, as it would be to a poor trembling Creature, to ven- ture ofFfo-ne high Precipice. And hence 1 put it oil' for a Mi- nute or two, and tried for better Circumftances to do it in ; ei- ther I muft read a PalTage or two, or pray firfi, or fomething of the like Nature 5 or elfe put off my Submiffion to God*s Sove- reignty, with an Objeaion, that I did not know how to fubmit : But the Truth was, I could fee no Safety in owning my felf m the Hands of a Sovereign God, and that i could lay no Claim to any Thing better than Damnation. C 2 But j2 ^/. 22. Ihs LIFE A. D. 1739; But after a confidcrablc Time fpent In fuch like Exercifes an4 Diftrefles, oneMorning, while I was walking in a folitary Place as ufual, I at once faw that all my Contrivances and Projedtionj %o effcdl or procure Deliverance and Salvation for mv felf, were Vtterly in vain : I was brought <^uite to a (land, as finding my felf totally h/i. J had thought many Times before, that the Difficulties in my Way were very great : But now I faw, in ano- ther and very different Light, that it w?s forever impoffible for rne to do any Thing towards helping or delivering my felf. I then thought of blaming my felf, that I had not done more, and been more engaged, while I hadOpportunity ( for it feemed nov^ as if the Seafon of doing was forever over and gone ) But I in- ihntly faw, that let me have done what I would, it would no rnore have tended to my helping my felf ; than what I had done ; that 1 had made all the Pleas, 1 ever could have made to all Eternity j and that all my Pleas were" vaiq. The Tumult that had been before in my Mind, was now quieted ; and I was fome- thing eafed of that Diftref^, which I felt, while Itruggling a- ^ainfta Sight of my felf, and of tb,e divine Sovereignty, fhad the greateft Certainty, that my State was forever miferable, for all that I could do ; and wondered, and was almoft aftoniflied, that! had never been fenfible of it before, - Jn the Time while I remainM In this State, njy Notions rcf- j^eaing my i>i///Vj, were quite different from what I had ever entertained in Times pad. Before this, the more I did inDuty, fhe more 1 thought God was obliged to me ; or at leaft the more hard I thought it would be for God to caft me off ; *tho at the fame Time I confeiltd, and thought I faw, that there was no Goodnefs or Merit in my Duties : But now the morel did in Prayer or any other Duty, the more I faw [ was indebted tor iiod for allowing me to aft lor Mercy ; For I faw, it was' Self- -^ Intereft had led me to pray, and that I had never once prayed . from anv Refpea to the C^lon' of God. Now 1 dw, there was no neceflary Conncaion between my Pravers and the Beftow- ment of divine Mcrcv ; that they laid not the leaft Obligation upon God to beffow his Grace upon mc ; and that there was DO more Vertuc or Goodnefs in them, than there' would be ia niy paddling with my Hand in the Water ( whxh was the (Com- panion I had then in my Mini) and this becaufe they were not performed from any Love or Regard to God. I faw, that I had l^ccn heaping up my Devotions before God, Fa ft ing, Praying d5r><:, ' prc;e::ding, and indeed really thinking, at fome Times, that I W2S Mt.it' ^/ iVfr. David Brainerd. A.D.1739. 13 IBvas aiming at the Glory of God ; whereas [ never once truly intended it, but only my own Happ'nefs. I faw, that, as I had never done any Thing /cr God, 1 had no Claim to lay to any Thing from him, but Perdition, on Account of my Hypocrify and Mockery. Oh how different did my Duties now appear from what they ufed to do ! I ufed to chargt them with Sin and Imperfc<5lion ; But this was only onAccount of the Wandrings and vain Thoughts attending them, and not becaufe I had no Kegard to God in them ; for this I thought I had : But when I faw evideiitly that 1 had Regard to nothing but Self-Intereft, then they appeared vile Mockery of God, Sclf-Worfhip, and a continual Courle of Lies ; {0 that I faw now, there was fome- thing worfe had attended my Duties, than barely a few Wan- drings &c. For the whole was nothing but Self-Worfhip and an horrid Abufe of God. I continued, as I remember, in this State of Mind, from Fri- day-Morning *till the Sabbath-Evening following,ya/y 12. 1739. when I was walking again in the fame folitary Place where £ was brought to fee my felf loft and helplefs ( as was before men- tion'dj and here, in a mournful melancholy State, was attempt- ing to pray ; but found noHeart to engage in that, or any other Duty ; my former Concern and Exercife and religious Affe6ti- ons were now gone. I thought, the Spirit of God had quite left me ; but ftill was not diftrefled : Yet difconfolate, as if there was nothing in Heaven or Earth could nsake me happy. And having been thus endeavouring to pray (tho' being, as I thought, very ffupid and fenfelefs ) for near haU an Hour, ( and by this ' Time the Sun was about half-an-hour-high, as I remember ) then, as I was walking in a dark thick Grove, unfpeakabk Glory feemed to open to the View and Apprehenfion of my Soul : I don't ^nean any external Brightnefs, for I faw no fuch Thing, nor do I intend any Imagination of a Body of Light, fome where away in the third Heavens, or any Thing of thaiNature j but it was a new inward Apprehenfion or View that I had of GODy fuch as 1 never had before, nor anyThing which had the leaft Refemblance of it. I flood ftill, and wonder'd and ad- mired ! I knew that 1 never had feen before any Thing com- parable to it for Excellency and Beauty : It was widely different ?roi?h all theConceptions,fhat ever I had had of God, orThingg divjne. I had no particular Apprehenfion of any one Perfon in the' Trinity, either the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghoft ; ^lit it appeared 10 be i^iyinf Glory, that I then beheld : And my Soi^ 14 >S"/. 2 2. 5".^^ LIFE A.D.1739; Soul rejovced with Joy unfpeakabley to fee fuch a God, fuch a glorious divine-Being ; and 1 was inwardly pleafed and fatisficd, that he fhould be God over all forever and ever. My Soul v^-as fo captivated and delighted with the Excellency, Lovehnefs, Greatncfs, and other Perfections of God, that I was even fwallowed up in Him ; at leaft to that Degree, that 1 had no Thought ( as I remember ) at fr^^ about my own Salvation, and Icarce rcflecSled there was fuch a Creature as my felf. ThusGod, I truft, brought me to a heartyDifpofnion to exalt himy and fet him on the Throne, and principally and ultimately to aim at his Honour and Glory, as King of the Univerfe. I continued in this State of inward Joy 2nd Peace, yet Aftonifhment, 'till near Dark, without any fenfible Abatement i and then began to think and examine what I had feen ; and felt fwcetly compofed in my Mind ail the Evening following : I felt myfelf in a new World, and every Thing about me ap- peared with a different Afpedt from what it was wont to do. At this Time, the Way of Salvation opened to me with fuch infinite VVirdom,Suitableners and Excellency, that I wondered I fliould ever think of any other Way of Salvation ; was a- mazed, that I had not drop'd my own Contrivances, and com- plied with this lovely blcfled and excellent Way before. If I could have been faved by my own Duties, or any other Way that I had formerly contrived, my whole Soul would nov/ have refufed. I wondered, that all theVVorld did not fee and comply with this Way of Salvation, intirely by the Right eoujnejs of Chrifi, The fweet Relifti of what I then felt, continued with me for feveralDays, almofl conftantly, in a greater or lefsDegree: I could not but fwcetly rejoyce in God, lying down and ri- fing up. The next Lordi-Day I felt fomething of the fame Kind ; tho* not fo powerful as before. But, not long after, was again involved in thick Darknejs,2ind under great Di^refs : yet not of the fame Kind with my Diftrefs under Convittions. I was guilty, afraid and afliamed to come before God, was exceedingly prefb'd wirh a Senfc of Guilt : But it was nof long before I felt ( I trul^ ) true Repentance and Joy in God. About the latter End of Auguft^ I again fell under great Dfark- nefs ; It feem'd as if the Prefence of God yKZ% clean gone foreVer. Tho' I was not fo much diftrefled about my fpiritual State, ,as I "was at my being (hut out from God's Prefence, as I then feijifi- blywas. But it plcafed the Lord, to return gracioufly to me, not long after. In uS"/. 22,23. ^/ Mr. David Bralnerd. A.D.1739; '^5 In the Beginning of Septemherl went to College J, and entred there : Hut with fume Degree of Reludlancy, fearing lefi I fhould not be able to lead a Life of ftridt Religion, in the midlt of fo many Teniptations After this, in the Vacancy, before { went to tarry at College, it pleafed God ro vific my Soul with cIc'T r Manifeftations of himfelf and his Grace. I was fpending fomeTime in Prayerj& Self-Examination ; and the Lord by his Grace (o (hined into my Heart, that I enjoyed full Affurance of hii. Favour, for that Time ; and my Soul was unfpeakably refreflied with divine and heavenly Enjoyments. At this Time efpeciaily, as well as fome others, fundry PafTages of God's fFord open'c'^ to my Soul with divine Clearnefs, Power and Sweetnefs, fo as to appear exceeding precious, and with clear and certain Evidence of it's being tbe ^Vord of God. I enjoy'd connderabieSweetnefs in Religion all the Winter following. In Jan. 1739,40. The MeaJIei fpread much in College ; and I having taken theDiflemper, went hometo Haddam : But f. ms Days before I was taken Sick, I feem'd to be greatly deferted, and my Soul mourned the Abfence of the Comforter exceedin:-;- ly : It feem'd to me, all Comfort was forever gone; I pray 'J and cried to God for Help, yet found no prcfent Comfort or Relief. But thro' divine Goodnefs, a Night or two before I was taken ill, while 1 was walking alone in a very retired Place, and engaged in Meditation and Prayer, I enjoyed a fweet re- freftiing Vifit, as I trufl, from above, {o that my Soul wr.s raifed far above the Fears oi Death ; indeed I rather longed lorD?ath, than feared it. O how much more refrefhing this one Seafoa wa% than all the Pleafures and Delights that Earth can afF.-rd \ After a Day or two I was taken with the Meafles, and was very 111 indeed, fo that I almofl defpaired of Life: But had no di(- trefiin?. Fears of Death at all. However thro' divine Gopdnefi I foon recovered : Yet, by Reafon of hard and clofe Studies, and being much expofed on Account of my Frefaman-fhip, I had but little Time for fpiritual Duties; my Soul often mourned foe Want of more Time and Opportunity to be alonevvith God» Lt the Sprinj^ and Summer folloiving f h.id better A j vantages ior Retirement, and enjoyed more Comfort m Religion : Tho' indeed my Ambition in mv Studies oreatlj,' wronged the Activity and Vigour of mv'fpiritual Li/e : Yet thi? was uTjally the Cafe with me, that in the Multitude of tny T'hcug'hts vjithin rrn, God''s Ccmforts principallv dsiightedmy Scul : Thefe were my gr&atefl Confolations Day by Day. t Yale- College in New- Havm, Ons 1 6 J£t. 23: lbs LIFE A. a 174a: One Day I remember in particular ( I think it was in Jun6 1740. ) I walked to a confidcrable Diftance from the Collegp, in the Fields alone at Noon, and in Prayer found fuch unfpeak- able Sweetnefs and Delight in God, that I thought, if I muft continue ftill in this evil World, I wanted always to be there, to' behold God's Glory : My Soul dearly loved all Mankind, and longed exceedingly that they fhould enjoy what I enjoyed. it feem'd to be a little Refemblance of f^eaven. On Lord's- Day, July 6. being Sacrament- Day, I found fome divine Life and fpiritual Refrefhment in that holy Ordinance. When i came from the Lord's Table, I wondered how my Fel- low-Students could live as I wzs fenfible moft did • Next Lord's-Day July 13. I had fome fpecial Sweetnefs in Religion — Again Lord's-Day July 20. my Soul was in a fwcet and preci- ous Frame. Sometime in Auguft following, I became {o weakly and difordered, by too clofe Application to my Studies, that I was advifed by my Tutor to go Home, and difengage my Mind from Study, as much as I could ; fori was grown fo Weak, that I began to fpit Blood. I took his Advice, and endeavoured to lay afide my Studies. But being brought very low, I look'd Death in the Face more ftedfaftly ; and the Lord was pleafed to give me renewedly a fweet Senfe and Relifh of divine Things ; and particularly in O^ober 13, I found divine Help and Confolation in the precious Duties ot fecret Prayer and Self Examination, and mySoultookDelight iniheblefled God :---fo likewifeon the lj[hof O^oter. Saturday OSfoher 18. in my Morning-Devotions, my Soul tvas exceedingly melted for and bitterly mourned over my ex- ceeding Sinfulnefi and P^iler.efs. I never before had felt fo pun- gent and deep a Senfe of the odious Nature of Sin, as at thisTimeo My Soul was then unufually carry'd forth m Lovs to God, and had a lively Senfe of God's Love to me. And this Love and Hope, at that Time, caft out Fear. Both Morning and Even- ing I fpent fome Time in S-^lf- Examination, to find the Truth of Grace, as alfo my Fitntfs to approach to God at his Table ther next Day ; and through infinite Grace, found the holy Spirit irfluencin-g my Soul with Love to God, as a PVitneJi within my Lord's- Day OBqUt 19. In the Morning, I felt my Soul hun- gring andthirji'wg ofter RightcQufnef,. In the Fore-Noon, while I w,;s locskina on the SfxrajPcnui Element?, and thinking that Jejui Chriji would foctt be/^/ forth crucij>(d hsfifimi tny Soul' '^;, 23: of Mr, David Braineid. A.D. 1741: 17 ■^as fiird with Light and Love, fo that I was almoft m an Ex- tafy ; my Body was fo weak, I could fcarcely (hnd, I lelt at the fame Time an exceeding Tendernefs and moft fervent Love towards all Mankind ; fo that my Soul and all the Powers of it feemed, as it' were, to melt into Softnefs and Sweetnefs. But in the Seafon of theCommunion there was feme Abatement of this fweet Life and Fervour. This Love and Joy cafi out Fear 5 and my Soul longed for perfect Grace and Glory, Thii fweet Frame continued 'till the Evening, when my Soul was fweetly fpiritual in fecret Duties, Monday, OSfober 20. I again found thefweet Affiftanceof the Jioly Spirit in fecret Duties, both Morning and Evenings and Life and Comfort in Religion through the whole Day. Tuefday, OSfober 21. I had likewifeExperience of iheGood- nefs of God in Jhedding abroad his Love in rhy Hearty and giv- ing me Delight and Confolation in religious Duties. And all the remaining Part of the Week, my Soul feemed to be taken up with divine Things. I now fo longed after God, and to be freed from Sin, that when I felt myfelf recovering, and thought ! muft return to College again, which had proved fo hurtful to my fpiritual Intereft theYearpaft, I could not but be grieved, and I thought I had much rather have died ; for it diftrefs'd me, to think of getting away from God. But before I went, I enjoyed feveral other fweet and precious Seafons of Communiorj with God ( particularly Oiiober 30, and Nov. 4. ) wherein my Soul enjoyed unfpeakable Comfort. I returned to College about November 6. and through the Goodncfs of God felt the Power of Religion alraoft daily, for the Space of fix Weeks. November 28. In my Evening-Devotion, I enjoyed precious Difcoverics of God, and was unfpeakably refreflied with that Paflage Heb, xii. 22, 23, 24. That my 5oul longed to wing away for the Paradile of God ; I longed to be conformed to God in all Things.--- A Day or two after, I enjoyed much of the Light »f God^s Countenance^ moft of the Day 3 and my Soul reftcd in God. Tuefday, December 9. I was in a comfortable Frame of Soul snoft of the Day j but efpecially in Evening-Devotions, when God was pleafed wonderfully to affift and ftrengthen me ; (o that I thought nothing fhould ever move me from the Love of God in Chriftjefus my Lord. —-0 ! one Hour with God infinite- ly exceeds all the Pleatures and Delights of this lowei: World. jt) Jjome- i8 Alt. 23,2^. ^'he LIFE A.D. 1741 &f i'7;i2: Sometime towards thelatterEnd oi January 1740,41. I greY7 more fc/^ and ^«// in Matters of Religion, by Means of my old Temptation, viz. Ambition in my Studies.— But thro* divine Goodnefs, a great and general Awakening fpread it feli over the College, about the latter End of February^ in which I was much quickned,and more abtartdantly engaged in Religion^ [ This Awakening here fpoken of, v/as at the Beginning of that extraordinary religious Commotion through the Land, which is frefh in every one's Memory. This Awakening was for a Time very great and general at Jslew-Haven ; and the College had no fmall Share in it : That Society was greatly re- formed, the Students in general became ferious, and many of ) that tbefc two V^olumes fhould be defiroyed, and in the Begin- ning of the third Book of hisDiary, he wrote thus, ( by the Hand of another, he not being able to write himfelf ) * 'The two •* preceeding Volumes, immediately following the Account of ** the Author 'sConverfian, are lofl. If any are detirous to know •* how the AuthoY lived, in general, during that Space of Time, "•' let them read the fiill thirty Pages of this Volume j whers •* they will find fgmething of a Specimen Qt his ordinary Man- JEA23,24. <7/iUr.DavidBraInerd A.D.i74iCs?i742. 19 *'^ ncr of Jiving, through that whole Spsrccof Time, which wag *^ about 13 Months ; excepting that here he was more refined *' from fome Imprudencies and indecent Heats ^ than there ; but *' the Spirit of Devotion running through the whole, was the '' fame." It could not be otherwife than that One whofe Heart had been /b prepared and drawn to God, as A4r. Brainerdh had been, Ciould be mightily enlarged, animated and engaged, at the 5ight of fuchan Alteration made in the College, the Town and Land, and fo great an Appearance of Men's reforming theirLives, and turning from their Profanenefs and Immorality, to ^erioufnefs and Concern for their Salvation, and of Religion's reviving and flourifhing almoft every v/here. But as an intemperate impru- dent Zeal, and a Degree of Enthufiafm foon crept in, and ming- led it felf with that Revival of Religion ; and fo great and gene- ral an Awakening being quite a new Thing in the Land, at leaft as to all the living Inhabitants of it ; neitherPeopie norMinifters had learn'd thoroughly to diftinguifh between folid Religion and its delufive Counterfeits ; even many Minifters of the Gofpel, of long (landing and the beft Reputation, were for aTime over- powered with the glaringAppearances of the latter : And there- fore furely it was not to be wondered at, thu young Brainerd^ but a Sophimore at College, fliould be fo ; who was not only young in Years, but very young in Religion and Experience, and had had but little Opportunity for the Study of Divinity, and ftill lefs for Obfervation of the Circumftances and Events of fuchan extraordinaryState of Things ; AManmuft diveft him- felf of allReafon, to make ftrange of it. In thefe diDdvantagious Circumftances,5rtf/«fr^had the Unhappinefs to have aTinclure of that intemperate indifcreet Zeal, which v/as at that Time too prevalent; and was led, from his high Opinion of others that he looked upon better than himfelf, into fuch Errors as were really contrary to the habitual Temper of his Mind. One In- fiance of his Mifcondudl at that Time, gave greatOfFence to tha Rulers of the College, even to that Degree that they expelPd him the Society ; which it is necelTary fhould here be particular- ly related, with it's Circumftances. In the Time of the Awakening at College, there were feveral religious Students that aflbciated themfelves one with another for mutual Convcrfation and AlTiftance in fpiritual Things, who v;ere wonc freely to open themfelves @ne to another, |s fj^eciai D 2 and 20 ^V. 24.. r^^^LIFE A.D. 1742: 2nd intimate Friends : Brainerd was one of this Company. AncP it once happened, that he and two or three more of thefe his intimate Friea^s were in the Hall together, after Mr. Whitieljey^ one of the Tutors, had been to Prayer there with the Scholars ; no other Perfon now remaining in the Hall, but Brainerd and thefe his Companions. Mr. jHittelfey having been unufually pathetical in his Prayer, one of Brainerd's Friends on this Oc- cafion afked him what he thought of Mr. WhiUeljty ; He made Anfwer, He hai no more Grace than this Chair. One of the Fiefhmen happening at that Time to be near the Hall (tho* not in the Room) over-heard thofe Words of his ; tho* he heard no Name mentioned, and knew not who the Perfon was, which v/as thus cenfured : He informed a certain Woman that belonged to the Town, withal telJing her his own Sufpicion, v;z. that he believ'd Brainerd faid this of fome one or other of the Rulers of the College. Whereupon fhe went Sc informed the Re£lor, who ((^nt for tljis Freftiman and examined him ; and he told the Redor the Words that he heard Brainerd utter, and informed him who were in the Hoom with him at that Time. Upoa which the Rcdtor fent for them : They were very backward to inform againft their Friend, of that which they look'd upon gs private Converfation, and efpecially as none but they had heard or knev/ of whom he had uttered thofe Words ; yet the Re£tor compell'd them to declare what he faid, and of whom he faid it.— Brainerd look'd on himfelf greatly abufed in the Manage- ment of this AfFair ; and thought, that what he faid in private, vra§ injurioufiy extorted from his Friends, and that then it was injurioufly required of him (as it was wont to be of fuch as had been guilty ot fome open notorious Crime) to make a publick ConfefTun, and to bumble him.felf before the whole College in the Hall, for what he had faid only in private Converfation. He not complying with this Demand, and having gone once to the feparate Wlteiin^ at A^etu- Haven, when forbidden by the Rcdor, and alfo hiving been sccufed by one Perfon of faying concerning the Re6lor, that he wondered he did not expert to drop down dead for fining the Scholars who followed Mr. TV;?^^;?/ to Mil ford, tho' there was no Proof of it (and Mr. Brainend ever profefs^d that he did not remember his faying any Thing to that Purpofe) for thefe Things he was expell'd the College. Now, how far the Circumftances and Exigences of that Day might jultify fach great Severity in the Governors of iheColIege, 1 will UQt undertaice to determine j it being my Aim, not ta bring /E/. 24.- cj Mr. David Brainerd. AD. 1742: 21^ bring Reproach on the Authority of the College, but only to do Juftice to the Memory of a Perfon who 1 think to be eminently one of thofe whofe Memory is blejjed The Reader will fee, in the Sequel of the Story of Mr. Brainerd^s Life, t what his own Thoughts afterwards were of hisBehaviour in thcfeThings, and in how Chriftian a Manner he condutSed himfelf, with Ref- pe£l to this Affair ; tho* he ever, as long as he lived, fuppofed himfelf much abufed, in the Management of it, and in what ^e fufFer'd in it, His Expulfion was in the Winter Anno 174X32. while he yas in his tbird Year in College.] % Particglarly under the Date, Wtdnefday^^e^ti/^, 1743, ?S*^iS^21S§fS^^SISSISS1^SS^? FARTj i^&V^lii^&i. 22 ^/. 24. ir^-^ LIFE A.D.I 742: Part II. From ahoiit the T^i77te that he jirjl began to devote himfelf mo?'e efpecially tothe^XM^j of Divinity, V/7/ he ivas exami?ied a7id licenfed to preach, by the AjJoctatio7i of Mi?ttfters belo7igi72g to the Rafter 71 Dif triEi of the Coimty of Fairfield 771 Con- nedicut. \\ J^^' Bic'inerd, the 5'pring after his Expulfion, went to IT I ^^^'^ ^'^^ ^^'^ ^^^'* ^^^' ^^^''^ °^ Ripion, to follow his ^ -*- Studies with him, in order to his being fitted for the V/crk of the Miniftry ; where he fpent the greater P^nt of the Time 'till the AfTociation licenfed him to preach ; but fre- quently rode to vifu the neighbouring Minifters, particularly Jvlr. Cocke of Stratficld^ Mr. Grab^rn of Sauthbur^y and Air. Bellamy of Bcikkh'tm. Here (at Mr. AJiih's) he began the third Book of his Diary, in which the Account he wrote of himfelf, is as follows.] 1 hurfday, ^prjl i. 1742. I feem to be declining withRefpe£l to my Life & Warmth in divincTbings : Had not fo freeAccefs toGcd in Prayer, as ufjal of late. O that God would humble me deeply in the Daft before him. I deferve Hell every Day, for not loving my Lord more, who has (I truft ) /sved me and given himfelf fer me ; and every Time I am enabled to exercife anyGracc rcnewedlyj sm rcnewedly indebted to the God of all Grace for fpecial AfF,ft»nce. Jf'hjre ihea is Bsa/iing ? Surely // 7j exiludtdf when we think how we are dependent on God for ihc Being and every Acl of Grace. Oh, if ever I get to Heaven, it will be becaufe God will, and nothing elfe ; fori never did any thing of my f«-if, but get away fro.m God ! My Soul will be aftonifhed at the unfearchable Riches of divine Grace, when I arrive at the Mariilcr.s, which the blcfTcd Saviour is gone be- fore to prepare, Friday, •;gs/. 24* (p/ Mr. David Bralnerd. A.D.1742^ '2^ Friday, j^prll 2. In the Afternoon I felt fomething fweetly in fecret Prayer, much refigned, calm and ferene. What are all the Storms of this lower World, if Jefus by his Spirit does but come walking on the Seas ! — SomeTime paft, I had much Plea- fure in the Profpe6l of the Hsathens being brought home to Chrift, and defired that the Lord would improve me in that Work : — But now my 5oul more frequently defires to die, to he withChri/f, O that my 5oul were wrapt up in divineLove, and my longing Defires after God increafed,— In the Evening, was refre(h*d in Prayer, with the Hopes of the Advancement of Chrift*s Kingdom in the World. Saturday, j^prit 3, Was very much amifs this Morning, and had an ill Night lalt Night. I thought, if God would take me to himfelf now, my 5oul would exceedingly rejoyce. O that I may be always humble and refign'd to God, and that God would caufe my 5oul to be more fix'd on himfelf, that I may be more fitted both for doing and fufFering, Lords-Day, Aprtl 4. My Heart was wandring and lifelefs.— - In the Evening God gave me Faith in Prayer, and made my Som\ melt in fomeMeafure, and gave me to tafte a divine 5weet- nefs.-— O my bleflcd God ! Let me climb up near to hint, and love, and long, and plead, and wreftle, and reach, and ftretch after him, and for Deliverance from the Body of Sin and Death.— Alas, my .Soul mourn'd to think I fhould ever lofe ^ight of it's Beloved again ! O come^ Lord Jesus / jimen, [ On the E'/ening of the next Day, he complains that he feem'd to be void of all Relifh of divineThings, felt much of ibg Prevalence of Corruption, and faw in himfelf a Difpofition to all Manner cf S\i\ ; which brought a very great Gloom on his Mind, and caft him down into the Depths of Melancholy 5 fa that he fpeaks of himfelf, as aftonifhed, amazed, h? -ing no Comfort, being filled with Horror, feeing no Comfc a Hea- ven or Earth. ruefday,y//>r/7 6. I walked out thisMorning to the famePlace where I was laftNight,and felt fomething as I did then ; But was fomething relieved by reading fome PaiTages in my Diary, and feem*d to feel as if I might pray to the great God again with Freedom ; but was fuddenly flruck with a Damp, from tbe Senfe I had of my own Vilenefs.— - Then I cry*d to God to wafh my Soul and cleanfe me from my exceeding Fiithinefs, to give me Repentance and Pardon ; and it began to be fome- thiiig fvveetj to [^ray :-— And I could think 0/ undergoing the g^reafeft a? ^t.24: Tie LIFfi ^.0.1744.' greateft SufFerings in the Caufe of Chrift, with Pleafure ; and found my feU willing ( if God fhould fo order it) to fuffcr Ba- nifhment from my native Land, among the Heatheriy that I might do fomething for their Souls Salvation j in Diftrefles and Deaths of any Kind.-— Then God gave me to wreftle earneftly for others, for the Kingdom of Chrift in the World, and for dear Chriftian Friends. — I felt wean'd from the World and from my ov^n Reputation amonglt Men, willing to be defpifed, and to be a gazing Stock for the World to behold.— 'Tis im- poflible for me to exprefs how I then felt : I had not much Joy^ but fome Senfe of the Majefty of God, which made me as it were tremble : I faw my felf mean and vile, which made me more willing that God fhould do what he would with me s it was all infinitely reafonable. Wednefday, Jpril y. I had not fo much Fervency, but felt fomething as I didYefterday- Morning, in Prayer : — At Noon f fpent fome Time in fecret, with fome Fervency, but fcarce any Sweetnefs : And felt very dull in the Evening. Thurfday, j^pril 8.—- Had raifed Hopes to Day refpe6ling the Heathen, O that God would bring in great Numbers of 'cmt to Jefus Chrift. I can't but hope I (hall fee that glorious Day.-- Every Thing in this World feems exceeding vile and little to me : I look fo to my felf.— I had fome littleDawn of Comfort to Day in Prayer : But efpecially to Night I think I had fome Faith and Power of Interceifion with God, was enabled to plead with God for the Growth of Grace in my felf ; and many of the dear Children of God then lay with Weight upon my Soul, Bkfled be the Lord. 'Tis good to wreftle for divine Bleffings. Friday, Jpril 9. Moft of my Time in Morning-Oevotiore was fpcnt without fcnfible Sweetnefs ; yet I had one delightful Profpeil of arriving at the heavenly World. 1 am more amaz'd than ever at fuch Thoughts ; for 1 fee my felf infinitely vile and unworthy. I feel very heartlefs and dull ; and tho' 1 long for the Prefence of. God, and feem conftantly to reach towards God in Defires, yet I can't feel that divine and heavenly Sweet- nefs that I ufed to enjoy.-— No poor Creature flands in Need of divine Grace more than 1, and none abufe it more than I have done, and ftill do. Saturday, yipril 10. Spent much Time in fecret Prayer this Morning, and not without fome Comfort in divine Things, and I hope had feme Faith in Exercife : But am fo low, and feel ^o little of the fenfible Prefence of God, that I hardly know what to call Faith; and am made tp pojjefi tj>s ^im of my Tcuib, and ^/. 24.' <•> wM "" 0/ a Truth. O 'twas bleffcd Company indeed ! God enabled me fo to ^'6°"'", '" J"^"* .hat I was quite wet with Sweat, tho' m the Shade, and he Wind cool. My Soul was drawn out very much for thelVorld , I grafp'd for MuUitud,. of Souls. I think I had 7r<: EnUrge- ment'for Sinners,tha„ for the Children of God , 'h° Jit - . I could fpend my Life in Cr.es for both. I •^''J^l'^^ g^"| Sweetnefs in Communion with my dear Saviour. I 'hmk I never in my Life felt fuch an mt.re Weanedneft from th^ World, and fo much ref.gn'd noGod '" f 7J Th.ng. --- O that! may always live /». and upon my blelTed God. Amen, ^Tuefday, Jpril 10. This Day I am twenty- four Years of Age. O how much Mercy have I received the Year paft ! -- How often has God caufid his Goodnefs to ff before me ! And how poorly have I anfwered theVows I made thisT.me twelve- month, to be wholly /A^£»r^\ to be forever devoted to his Service ! The Lord help me to live niore to his Glory forTime to come.— This has been a fweet, a happy Day to me : Blefled . be God. I think, my Soul was never fo drawa out in Inter- ceffion for other,, as it has been this Night. Had a moft fer- vent Wreftle with the Lord to Night for ^yE>""""-'^fJ hardly ever fo longed to live to God, and to be^'toaether de- voted to him ; I wanted to wear out my Life in his Service and w'ednefday, April 21. Felt much Calninefsand Refignation, and God again enabled me to wreftle for Numbers of Souls and had much Fervency in the fweet Duty of Interceffion. — I en- iov of late more Sweetnefs in htercejjion for others, than m anr other Part of Prayer. My blefled Lord really let me come near to him, and plead with him. FThe Frame of Mind, and Exercifes of Soul, that be exj preVes the three Days next following, Thurfday, Fnd.y and Saturday, are much of the fame Kind with thofe expre.s d the two Days paft.] Lord's- Day April i^. This Morning fpent about two Hours in fecret Duties, and was enabled more than ordinarily to ago- nize for immortal Souls i tho' it was early in the Morning.and E a the ^2g ^/. 25; T^^ LIFE A. D. 1742: ^ the Sun fcarcely fhlncd at all, yet my Body was quite wet with Sweat. Felt much prefs'd now, as frequently of late, to plead for the Meeknefs and Calmnefs of the Lamb of God in mySoul : Thro' divine Goodnefs felt much of it this Morning. O 'tis a fweet Difpofition, heartily to forgive all Injuries done us ; to wi(h our greateft Enemies as well as we do our own Souls ! Blefledjefus, may I daily be more and more conformed to Thee. At Night was exceedingly melted with divine Love, and had fome feeling Senfe of the BlefTednefs of the upper World. Thofe Words hung upon me,with much divine Sweetnefs,Pfal. Ixxxiv. 7. They go f ram Strength to Strength^ every one of them in Zion appear 6th before God. O the near Accefs^ that God forae- times gives us in our Addreflcs to him ! This may well be termed appearing before God : *Tis fo mdeed,in the true fpiritua! Senfe, and in the fweeteft Senfe. 1 think I have not had fuch Power of Interceffion, thefe many Months, both for God'$ Children, and for dead Sinners, as I have had this Evening. I wifhed and longed for the Coming of my dear Lord : I long'd to join the Angelick Hofts in Praifes, wholly free from Imper- fesSlion. O the blefTed Moment haftens ! All I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. O for Sandtification ! My very Soul pant? for the compleat Reftoratioq of the blefTed Image of my fweet Saviour ; that I may be fit for the blefTed Enjoyments and Employments of the heavenly World. Farewell^ vain World ; my Soul can hid Mieu : JHy Saviour'j taught me to abandon you* Tour Charms may gratify a fenfual Mind ; Islot pleafe a Soul wholly for God deftgh'd. Forbear t^ entice, ceafe then my Soul to call : *Tis fix^d, through Grace ; my God flM he my All* JVhile he thus lets me heavenly Glories view^ Tour Beauties fade, my Hearths no Room for you. The Lord refrefl:ied my Soul with many fweet FaiTages of his Word. O the New Jerufalem I My Soul longed for it. Q the Song of Mofei and the Lamb ! And that blefled Song, that no Man can learn, but ihey that are redeemed from the Martb I And the glorious white RoheSy tha^ were given to the Souls under ths Altar J Lord, Vm a Stranger here alone ; Earth no true Comforts ccn afford ; Xit, cbjent from my deareji One^ My Soul delights io cry^ Mv Lord ! [/Et^ 25^ of Mr. David Brainerd; A.D. 1742. 25 Jesus, wy Lord^ my only Loviy Fojfefs my Soul, nor thence depart : Grant me kind F'tfits^ heavenly Dove ; My God Jhall then have all my Heart, Monday, April 26. Continued in a fweet Frame of IVIInd ; but in the Afternoon felt fomethtng of fpiritual Pride ftirring, God was pleafed to make it a humbling Seafon at firft ; tho* afterwards he gave me Sweetnefs. O my Soul exceedingly longs for that blefled State of Perfer// 29. Was kept oiFat aDiflance from God j — but had fome Inlargement in Interccifion for precious Souls. Friday, Jprii 30. Was fomething dejedled in Spirit : No- thing grieves me fo much, as that 1 cannot live conftantly to God's Glory. I could bear any Defertlon or fpiritual Conflicts, if I could but have my Heart all the while burning within me with Love to God and Defires of his Glory : But this is im- pofTible ; for when I feel thefe, I can't be dejeded in my Soul, hu\oi\\y rejoycein my Saviour^ who has delivered me from the reigningPower, and will fhortly deliver me from the Indwelling of Sin, Saturday, May i. Was enabled to cry toGod withFervency for miniftcrial Qualifications, and that God would appear for the Advancement of his own Kingdom, and that he would bring in the Heathen World, &c. Had much Afliftance in my Studies.— This has been a profitable Week to me ; I have en- joyed many Communicatiojis of the blefled Spirit in my Soul. Lord's-Day, May 2. God was pleafed this Morning to give mc fuch a Sight of my felf, as made me appear very vile in my own Eyes : I fell Corruption ftirring in myHeart, which I could by no Means fupprefs : felt more and more deferted ; was ex* ceeding weak, and almoft fick with my inward Trials. Monda^v, ;a?/. 25; ^f ^^' ^^^'^ Brainerd. A.D. 1 742: 3 i Monday, Ma^ 3. Had a Scnfc of vile Ingratitude. la the Momine I withdrew to my ufual Place of Retirement, and mourned for my Abufe of my dear Lord : fpent the Day in Faftine and Prayer : God gave me much Power of wreftling for his Caufc and Kingdom : And it was a happy Day to my Soul. God was with me all the Day, and I was more above the World, than ever in my Life. rThrough the remaining Part of this Week, he compteina almoft every Day of Defertion and inward Trials and Confliets, attended with dejeaion of Spirit ; but yet fpcaks of Timefe of Relief and Sweetnefs, and daily rcfrcfhing Vifits of the divmc Soirit afFording fpecial AfTiftanceandComfort, and enabling, at fome Times, to much Fervency and Enlargement m religioua Duties.] Lord's-Day, ^ay 9. I think, I never felt fo much of the curfed Pride of my Heart, as well as the Stubbornnefs of my Will before. Oh dreadful ! what a vile Wretch I am ! I could not fubmit to be nothing, and to lie down in the Duft J Oh that God would humble me in the Duft. I felt my felt fuch a Sinner, all Day, that I had fcarce any Comfort. Oh, when ftiall I be delivered from the Body of this Death ! I greatly fcar'd left thro' Stupidity and .Carelcfnefs I (hould lofe the Benefit of thefe Trials. O that they might be fana.fied to Riy Soul. Nothing feemed to touch me but only this, that I was a Sinner. -— Had Fervency and Refrefhment in fecial Prayer in the Evening. r r r-x. n- Monday, May lO. Rode to iV^w-ii^z/^" ; WW fomeLhriltian Friends there ; hadComfort in joining inPrayer with them,and hearing of the Goodnefs of God to them fmce I laft law them. Tuefday, May n. Rode Uom New- Haven toWeathers field -, was very dull moft of the Day ; bad little Spirituality in this Journey, iho' I often longed to be alone with God ; was much perplex'd with vile Thoughts ; was fometimes afraid of every Thing : But God was my Helper,-' Calch'd a little Tifne_ foe Retirement in the Evening, to mv Comfort and Rejoycing, Alas, I can't live in the midft of a Tumult ! I long to enjoy God alone. ^^. r . r. -j Wedncfday, Maf 12. Had a dlftreiling View of the Pnde and Enmity and Vilenefs of my Heart.— Afterwards had fwcec Refrefhment in converfmg, k worihipoing God, wuhChnftian Thurlday> ^2 JSt. 2s: ^^LIFE A. D. 174a Thursday, A' io do any Thins for the Glory of God thatWay, feeling my felf very helplefs, and at a great Lofs what ihi Lord would have me in do, I iet apart this Day for Prayer to God, and fpcnt mofl of the Day in that Duty ; but amazingly deferred, mofl of the Day : yet I found God gracioully near, once in particuhr, while I was pleading for more Companion for immortal Souls, my Heart feem'd to be open'd at once, and I was enabled ro cry with great Ardency, for a itsff Minutes. --Oh, f was diftrefs'd, to think, that i fhould offer fuch dead cold Services to ihc living God! My Soul feem-d to breathe after Holinefs, a Life of conftant Devotednefs to God. But I am almoft loft f metimes In the puifuit of this BiefTednefs, and re^^dy to fink, becaufe I continually fall fliort and mife of my Defire. O that the Lord would help me to hold out, yet a iittk while, 'tili the happy Hour of Deliverance corner, Saturday, June 19. Felt much difordered ; my Spirits were? very low : but yet enjoyed feme Freedom and bwse!:ners in the Puties of Religion. Blefied bs God, Here end the ?o firfl Pages of the third \'clume of his Diary, which h^e fpeaks of in the Beginning of this Volume (as was obferved before) as containir.g a Specimen of his ordinary Manner of living, thro' the vvhole Space of Time, ffom ibe^eginning of ihofe two Volumes i\m ^eredeftroyM. ' ^ ^ f 2 Lord's- '36 jEL2S. ^i^^ life A.D. Y742: LordVDay, June 20. ^pent much Time alone.— My Soul longed to be holy, and reached after God ; but feemM not to obtain my Dcfirc : I hundred and ihirjied ; but was not fwcetly refrefh'd and fatisfied. My Sou\ hung on God, as my only Portion. O that I could grow in Grace more abundantly every Day. * ' [The nextDay he fpeaks of his havingAiTiftance in his^tudies. and Power, Fervency and Comfort in Prayer.] ^ Tuefday, June 22. In the Morning, fpcnt about twoHours '" ^[^>'7,^"^ ^/^^f^'i^"' withconfiderable Delight. Towards Night, felt my Soul go out in longing Defires after God, in fe- cret Retirement. In the Evening, was fweetly compofed and rehgned to God^sWill ; was enabled to leave my felf and all my Concerns with Hrni, and to have my whole Dependance upon Him : my fecret Retirement was very refrefliing to my Soul • 3t appeared fuch a Happinefs to have God for my Portion, that I had rather be any other Creature in this lower Creation, than not come to the Enjovment of God : I had rather be a Bead than a Man, without God, if I were to live here to Eternity. Lord, endear thy k\i more to me. [In his Diary for the next feven Days, he exprefTes a variety of Exerc.fesof Mind : He fpeaks of great Longings after God and Holinefo, and earnest Defires for the Co»verfion of others, of fervency in Prayer, and Power to wreftle with God, and of Compofare, Comfort and ^weetntfs, from Time to Time ; but exprefles a Senfe of the vile Abomination of his Heart, and bitterly comphinscHii^Barrenners, and the preiTmg Body of Death ; and fays, he /aw dearly, that whatever he enjoyed better than Hell, was free Grace : Compluins of his being ex- ceeding low, much below the Character of a Child of God • and is fometimes \tTy difconfojate and dcjeaed.J ' ^ Wednefday, >^, 30. Spent this Day alone in the Woods, Bn l^alting and Prayer 5 underwent the moft dreadful ConHias jn my Soul, that ever I felt, in feme Refpeds : I faw w.y kU fo vile that I was ready to fay, 1 Jhallnow pcrijh by the Hand of taul..— I thought, and almofl concluded, I had no Power to itand for the Caufe of God, but v^2S 7i]nio{^ afraid 0/ the JJjaking 6f a Leaf. Spent almoft the whole Day in Prayer, inceffantly. I cou.d fiot bt^ar :o u^irJc of Chfi^ians ihswing me any Refped. ^/. 25. of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1742. 37 I almoft defpalred of doing any Service in the World : I could not feel anyHope or Comfort,refpeaing i\\tHeathm,\N\{\c\\ ufed to aftord me fome Refrefhment in the darkeft Hours of this Na- ture. 1 fpent away the Day in the ^itternefs of my .^ouL Near Night, I felt a little better 3 and afterwards enjoyed fome Sweet- nefs in fecret Prayer. Thurfday, ^uly I. Had fomeSweetnefs in Prayer, this Morn- ing. — Felt exceeding fweetly in fecretPrayer toNight,& defircd nothing (o ardently as that God/houlddo with meju/i as hepleafed. Friday, July 2. Felt compofed in fecret Prayer, in the Morn- ing.— My Defires fweetly afcended to God this Day, as I was travelling : and was comfortable in the Evening. Blefled be God for all my Confolations. Saturday, July 3. My Heart feemed again to link. TheDif- grace I was laid under at College, feemed to damp me, as it opens the Mouths of Oppofers. I had no Refuge but in God only. Blefled be his Name, that I may go to Him at all Times, and find him zprefent Help. Lord's-Day, ^uh 4.. Had confiderable AfHftance. In theE- vening, I withdrew and enjoyed a happy Seafon in fecretPrayer : God was pleafed to give me the Exercife of Faith, and thereby brought the invifible and eternal World near to my Soul ; which appeared fweetly to me. I hoped, that my weary Pilgrimage in the World would be Jhorty and that it would not be long before I was brought to my heavenly Home and Father'sHoufe : I was fweetly refigned to'God's Will, to tarry his Time, to do his Work, and fuffer his Pleafure. I felt Thankfulnefs to God for all my preiTing Defer tions^oi late ; for I am perfwaded, they have been made a Means of making me more humble, and much more refioin'd. I felt pleafed, to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in the Duji. I enjoyM Life and fwect Confolation in plead- ing for the dear Children of God, and the Kingdom of Chrift in the World : and my Soul earneftly breathed aftcrHolinefs and the Enjoyment of God. come Lord Jesus / Come quickly. Allien, [ By his Diary for the remaining Days of thisWeek,it appears that he enjoyed confiderable Corapofure and Tranquillity, and had Sweetnefs and Fervency of Spirit in Prayer, from Day to Day.] Lords-Day, July 11. Was deferted and exceeding dejefted m the Morning.— In theAfternoon, had fome Life and. Afliftance, aud fslt refigned : I faw my felf 6;sceedir>g vile. 3 ^ J^t. IS. ne hlYE A.D. 1 742 : [On the two next Days he cxpre^Tes inward Comfort, K.efig- Tiation, and Strength in God.] Wednerday,7«//>' 14. Felt a Kind of humble refigned Sweet- tit^i : Spent a confiderable Time in Secret, giving my felf up wholly to cheLord.— Heard Mr. Bellamy preach, towardsNight : felt very Sweetly, part of the Time : Longed for never accf/s U !GoD. [The four next Days, he exprefTes confiderable Comfort and Fervency of Spirit in ChriftianConverfation and Religious Exer- cifes.] Monday, July 19. My Dcfires feem efpecially to be carried out after Weaned nefs from the fVorld^ perfeiSlDeadnefs to it,and Co be even crucified to all its Allurements. My Soul longs to feel it felf more of a Pilgrim and Stranger here below 5 that nothtng ftiay divert me from prefiing through the lonely Dcfart, 'till! arrive at my Father's floufe. Tuefday, July 20. It was fweet,to give away my felf toGoD, to bedifpofed of at his PJeafure ; and had fome feeling Senfe of tiie Sweetnefs of being a Pilgrim on Earth. [The nextDayjhe cxprefles himfelf as determined to be wholly devoted to Gcd ; and it appears by his Diary, that he fpent the whole Day in a moft diligent Exercife oi Religion, and exceed*- ing comfortably.] Thurfday, July 22. Journeying from Souihbury to Ripton, called at aHoufe by theWay, where being very kindly entertained and refrefh'd, I was fiil'd wiih Amazement and Shame, tha£ God fhould Itir up the Hearts of any to fnew (o much Kindnefs to fuch a dead Dog as I ; was made fenfible, .in fome Meafure, Ijow exceeding vile it is, not to be wkol!y devoted to God. I wonder'd, that God would fufFcr any of his Creatures to feed and fuftain me, from Time to Time. [ In his Diary for the. fix next Days, are exprefied various Exercifes and Experiences, fuch as fvveet Compofure and Fer- veRcy of Spirit in Mediiaiion afid Prayer, V/eanednefs from the World, being fenfibly a Pilgrim and Stranger on the Earth, Engagednefs of Mind to fpend every Inch of Time forGodyi^c.'j Thurfday, July^ 2p. Was examined by the Aflbciation meC at Danhur^^zs to my f^earning, and alfomy Experiences in Re- Jigicn, and received a Licence from them to preach the Gofpel of Chrift.--- Afterwards felt much devoted to God ; join'd in Prayer with one of the Miniiters, my peculiar Friend, in a convenient PUces wcat to Bed rcfolving to liv^ devoted toGod fill wy Davj;, PART] y£/. 25; of Mr. David Bralnerd. A D. 1742: 39 Part IIL M From theTme of his being licenfed to preachy by the AfTociation, 'till he was examined in New- York, by the Correfpondents or ^CommiJJioners of the Society in Scotland for propagating Chriflian Knowledge^ and approved a7td appoi?tted as their Miffionary to the Indians. FRiday, July 30. 1742. Rode from Danbury to Souihhury^ i Preach'd there from iP^/.iv. 8. Had much of the comfor- table Prefence of God in the Exercife : 1 feem'd to have Power withGod in Prayer, and Power to get hold of the Hearts of the People in Preaching. Saturday, July 31. Exceeding calm and compofed, and was greatly refrefhed and encouraged. [ It appears by his Diary, that he continued in this Siveetnefs and Tranquillity, almoft through the whole of the next VVeek, j LordVDay, Jug. 8. In the Morning felt comfortably in fe- cret Prayer ; my Soul was refrefh'u with the Hopes of the Hea- ihem coming home to Chrift -, was much refigned to God, i thought it was no Matter what became of me. — Preach'd boih Parts of the Day at Bethlehem^ from Job xiv. 14. It was fvveet to me to meditate on Death. In the Evening, felt very ccmforu- bly, and cried to God fervently, in fecret Prayer. [ It appears by his Diary, that he continued thro' the three nextDays, engaged with all his Might in the Bufinefs of Religi- ooj and in almoft a conilant Enjoyment of the Comforts of iz.'\ Thurfday 40 Mt, 25. T??^ LIFE A.D.I 742: Thuifday, Augufi 12. This Morning and laft Night was ex- crcifed with fore inward Trials : I had no Power to pray ; but feemed fhut out from God. I had in a great Meafure loft my Hopes ot God's fending me among the Heathen afar off, and of feeing them fl jck home to Chrift. I faw fo much of my hellifh Vilenefs, that f appear'd worfe to my felf, than any Devil : I wondered, that God would \t\ me live, and wondered that Peo- ple did not ftone me, much more, that they would ever hear mc-j^ preach ! Jt fecm'd as tho' I never could nor fliould preach any^ more, yet about 9 or 10 o'Clock, the People came over, and I was forced to pi each : And blefled be God, he gave me his Pre- fenceand Spirit in Prayer and Preaching : 5o that I was much aflifted, and fpake v;ith Power from Jobidv. 14. 5ome Ind^am cry'd out in great Diftrefs, * and all appear'd greatly concerned. After we had pray'd and exhorted them to feek the Lord with Conftancy, and hired an Englijh Woman to keep a Kind of 5f)5?c5/ among them, we came away about one o'Clock, and came to yW^ff, about 15 or 16 Miles. There God was pleafed to vifit my 5oul with n}uch Comfort. Bleffed be the Lord for allThings I meet with, . [ It appears, that the two next Days he had muph Comfort, and had his Heart much engaged in Religion.] Lords-Day, Auguft 13. Felt much Comfort and Devotednefs to God this Day. At Night, it was refrefliing, to get alone with Gop and pur cut my SouL O, who can conceive of the Sweet- nefs of Con)munion with the blefled God, but thofe that have Experience of it ! Glory to God forever, that I may tafte Hea- ven below. Monday, Aaguji 16. Had feme Comfort in fecret Prayer, in the Morning :-- Feltfweetly fundry Times in Prayer this Day": But was much perplexed in the Evening with vain Converfaiion. TuefJay, Au^v/i ly. Exceedingly deprefs'd in Spirit. It cuts and wounds my Heart, to think how much Se'f- Exaltation, Spi- ritual Pride.tiUannth cf Temper, \ hzvt formerly had interming- led with my Endeavours to promote God's Work : And fomc- times I long to lie down at the Feetof OppoferSjand confcfs what a poor imperfciSl Creature i have been and ftill am.-- Oh, the * It was in a Place near Kent, in the Weflern Borders of Con- nciiuut, wbeie there is a ^wn^^i ^ihdiAr.u £t, 25. (?/ A/r. David Brainerd. A.D.1742. 41 Lord forgive me, and make me for the future wife as a Serpent and harmiefi ai a /)^u^.-- Afterwards enjoy 'd confiderable Com- fort and Delight of Soul. Wednefday, Aw^uji 18. Spent moil of this Day m Prayer and Readmg.— I fee fo much ot my own extream Vilenefs, that 1 feel afliamed and euilty before God and Man : I look, to my felf, like the vileft Fellow in the Land : I wonder, that God ftirs up his People to be fo kind to me. Ji. Thurfday, Augu/i 19. This Day, being about to go frora Mr. Bellamy's at Beihuhem, where I had refided fome Time, pravM with him, and two or three other Chriftian Friends, and gave our felves to God with all our Hearts, to be his for ever : Eternity look'd very near to me, while I was praying. If^ I never (h >uld fee thefe Chrif^ians again in this World, it feemM but a fewMomcnts before I fhould meet 'em in another VVoild.- Parted with them fweetly. / ,r . t u n Friday, Augu^ 20. I appeared fo vile to my felf,that I hardly dared to think of being feen, efpecially en Account of fpiriiual Pride. However, to Night, 1 enjoyed a fweet Hour alone with God [at Ripton] I was lifted above the Frowns and Flatteries oi this lower World, had a fweet Relifti of heavenly Joys, and piy Soul did as it were get into the eternal World, and really tafte of Heaven. I had a fweet Seafon of IntercefTion for deai Friends ^ in Chrifl ; andGod helped me to cry fervently for Zion, BltlTed be God for this Seafon. */f • Saturdav, Augu/i ti. Was much perplex'd,intheMorniiig." Towards Noon enjoyed more of God in fecrct, was enabled to fee that it was beft to throw my felf into the Hands of God, to bedifpd'edof according to his Pleafure, and rejoyced in fuch Thoughts. In the Afternoon, rode to New-Haven ; was much confufed all the Way.— Juft at Night, underwent fuch a dread- ful Confl.a, as I have fcarcc ever fell. I faw my kM exceed- ing vile and unworthy ; fo that I was guilty, and afhamed, that any Body (hould beftow any Favour on me, or (hew me any R^rpea. * ^^ . . . _.,, LordVDay, Augufl 22. In the Morning, continued ft.li in Perplexity.— In the Evening, enjoyed that Comfort that feemM to me fufHcicnt to ovcr-ballance all my late Diitrelics. I faw, that God is the only Soul-faiisfying Portion, and I really foQnd .saiisfaaion m him : My Soul was much enlarged in fweet Interccffion tor my Feliow-Men every where, and lor m^ny Chrittun Friends, in particular, in diftant Fiaces. ' G Monday, 42 JEt.2s. T/^^LIFE A.D.1742; Monday, y^uguji 13. Ha^ a fweet Seafon in fecret Prayer : The Lord drew near to my Soul, and filled me with Peace and divine Confulation. O, my Soul tafted the Sweetnefs of the upper World ; and was fweetly drawn out in Prayer for the World, that it mio^ht come home toChrift I Had much Comfort in the Thoughts and Hopes of the Ingathering of the Heathen 5 was grciuly alTifted in InterceiTion for Chriftian Friends. [He cojitinued ftijl in the fame Frame of Mind the next Day,- but in a leiTer Degree.] Wednefday, Augufi 25. In Family-Prayer, God helped me to climb up wear Him, fo that I fcarce ever got nearer. [The four next Days, he appears to have been the Subje!y : At which Turns, he was not exercifed about the btare of his Soul, with Regard to the Favour of God and his In- tereft in Chnlt, but about his own linfui Infirmities, and unfitnefs for God'b Service. His Mind appears rametimcs extrcmdv de- prefb'd and funk wilh a Senfe of mcxpreliible Vilenefs. But in the mean Time,he fpeaks of n.any ^^afcns of Comfort and fpiri- tua, Rc'rahmcnr, wherein hisHcart was encouraged andftrength- ned in G :d, and r.vcetly rcTigncd to his VV1II3 and of fome Seafons '^Z. 25. <>/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1742. 47 Seafons of very high Degrees of fpiritual Confolation, and of his great Longings after Holinefs and Conformity to God, of his great Fear ot offending God, of hisHeart*s being fweetly melted in religiousDuties,of his longing for tbe-AdvancemenC of Chrift's Kingdom, and of his having at fome Times much Affiftance in Preaching, and of remarkable Effects on the Auditory. J Lords-Day, OSiob^ 17. Had a confiderable Senfeof my Help- lefnefe and Inability ; faw that I muft be dependent on God for all I want ; and eipecialiy when I went to the Place of publiclc Worfhip : I found I could not fpeak a Word for God without his fpecial Help and AlTifhnce : I went into the Aflembly trem- bling, as I frequently do, under a Senfe of my Infuificiency to do any Thing in the Caufe of God, as I ought todo.— - But it pleafed God to afford me rrkuchAfliftance, and there feemM to be a confiderable Effect aw the Hearers.--- Jn the Evening, I felt a Difpofition to praife God for his Goodnefs to me, in fpecial, that he had enabled me in fome Meafure to be faithful j and my Soul rejoyced to think, that 1 had thug performed the Work of one Day more, and was oneDay nearer my eternal, and (I truft ) my heavenly Home. O that i might he faithful to ths Dcath^ ful^ filling as an Hireling my Day, 'till the Shades of the Evening of Life (hall free my boul from the Toils of the Day ! This Even- ing, in fecret Prayer, 1 felt exceeding folemn, and fuch longing Defires after Deliverance from Sin, and afterConformity toGod, as melted my Heart. Oh, I longed to be delivered from this Body of Death ! I felt inward pleafmg Pain, that I could not be con- formed toGod entirely, fully and forever.— I fcarce ever presch without being firft vifited with inward Corifli<51s and foreTrials.-- Bleffed be the f^ord for thefs Trials and Diihefil'S, as they are blefs'd for my humbh'ng. Monday, OSiob. 18. In ihe Morning, felt fome Sweet ncf^, but ftill prcfs'd thro' fome Trials of SomJ. My Life is a con- ftant Mixture of Confjlations and Conflicts, and wil! be 1j 'lill arrive at the World of Spirits. Tuefday, O^ober, 19. This Morning and laft Nigbr, ftit a fwe-et Longitig i.T my Soul after Holinefs : My Soul fccm'd fb to reach and (Wretch towards the Mark of perfedl Sanifity, that it was ready to break with Longir-gs. Wcdnefday, O^ober 20. Exceeding infirm in Body,exerc!red with much Pain, and very life'efs in u'ivinc Things. -•- Kelt a iittis Swee:nef^ia the. Evening. Thurfd.iy 48 ^/. 25. r.&^ L I F E A.D. 1742. Tiiurfday, OSfcber 21. Had a very deep Senfe of the Vanity of the World, moft of the Day ; had little more Regard to it, than if 1 had been ro go into Eternity the next Hour. Thro' d praying together, wiih fweet and tender Love to each other, and ieturn*d to Reft with our Hearts in a ferious fpiritual Frame Saturday, O^oh. 23. Something perj5lexed and confufed. Rode this Day trcni 'tiihlelxim to Sujjbury. Lord's- Day, G675^ 24. Felt fo vile and unworthyjthat I fcarcc knew how to converfc with human Creatures. Mf-nday, OlUiir 55. [At 7/^r/fy-/:<';7A,] In the Evening en- joyed the divine PicfM cc in ftcret Prayer : It was a fweet and comfortable Scafof to me : I\4y Soul Icr.gid for Ged^ for the living Gcd : Enjoyed a f^tet Solemnity of spirit, and longing De- fne after the Recovery of the divine Imape in my Soul : Then jhall I he Jaiiifcd.iubcn 1 f..au ctiake in 6 OD^i Liktnejs^ and ne- ver b::fore. Tucfday, Gilder 26. [At JViO'SviffieU,'] Underwent (he mcft dreadful D ilrtfilsjunccr a tcnrcvi my vvviiUnwoithiners : \\ Mt. 25. c/ ilfr. David Brained. A.D.1742. ^i^^ It feemM to me, I defervcd rather to be driven out of the Place, than to have any Body treat me with any Kindnefs, or come to hear me preach. And verily my Spirits were fo deprefs'd at this Time, as well as at many others, that it was impoffible 1 Ihoald treat immortal Souls with FaithfuJnefs : I could not deal clofelv & faithfully with them, I felt fo infinitely vile m myfelf. Oh what Vuft andAfhes I am, to think of preachmg theCjofpel to o'thcrs I indeed,! never can be faithful for oneMoraent,but (hall certainly daub with untempend Mortar, if God don't grant me fpecial Help.-In theEvening, I went to the Meeting-Houfc, and it lookM to me near as eafy tor one to rife out of the Grave and preach, as for me. However, God afforded me fome Life and Power, both in Prayer and Sermon: God was pleafed to lift me up, and fhew me that he could enable me to preach. O the wonderful Goodnefs of Gad to fo vile a Smner !--- Re- turned to my Quarters ; and enjoy M fome Sweetnefs in Prayer alone, and mourn'd that I could not Uve more to God. Wednefday, OSlober 27. Spcat the Forenoon in Prayer and Meditation : Was not a little concern'd about Preaching in the Afternoon : Felt exceedingly without Strength, and very helplefs indeed * Went into the Mceting-Houfe, afbamed to fee any come to hear fuch an unfpeakably worthlefs Wretch. However, God enabled me to fpeak with Ciearnefs, Power, & Pungency, But there was forae Noife and Tumult in the Ailembly, that 1 did not well like, and endeavoured to bear publick Teftimony againft, with Moderation and Mildnefs, through the Current of my Difcourfe.— In the Evening,was enabled to be in fomeMea- fure thankful and devoted to God. [The Frames and Exercifes of hisMind, during the four next Days, were moftly very SimUar to thgfe of the two Days paft ; excepting Intervals of confiderable Degrees of divine Peace and Confolation. ^ , , r 11 • * The Things exprefs'd within the Space of the three followmg Days are fuch as thefe ; fome Seafons of Dejeaion, muurning for being fodcftitute of the Exercifes of Grace, longing to be delivered from Sin, preffmg after more of God, Seafons of fweet Confolation, precious and intimate Converfe with God in lecret Prayer, Sweetnefs of Chriftian Converfation kc.^" W»thm this . Time he rode from Suffield to EajUury, Hebron, and Lebanon.^ Thurfday, l^o'oemb. 4. [kt Lebanon. 1^ Saw much of my NQthingaeiSjmQft oi ihisDay ; buc i^\i eoftcerned that 1 had no * H mors 50 Bt.is. ?"o!t;rto my Brother. Houfe between Jvl'v^and'Zw : and preach'd in '^^^E-'j-S °^;^t ber of People: enjoy'd neither Freedom nor Spirituality , faw my felf exceeding unworthy. p„„fl;;i, . .„:r,\'6 but Friday, 7 a out little Comfort. Went to fee Mr. /r,7/,-.«,. of i.^.^-, anj fpent feveral Hours with him ; and was P'^Xr '^^l"^Zt Ss ferious, deliberate and impartial Way of Difcou.i. about Religion. ^^^^ ^^ ^^ ^'i'^i;l „„fi, t3 LordVDav. 7<>«. 23. Scarce ever felt my felf fo unfit to exU^^ asnow 1 faw, 1 was not worthy of a Place among .hi ii. ^here I am oing. if God permit : I .hou^,h., fnou be afhamL-d to look them in the Face, and much "i" « f Jf = ay Refpea fhewn me there. Indeed 1 felt ^ ft»^''-;^^J from the Earth, as if all Places were too good for "^h^^;^^ f. as I • I thou.'ht 1 (hould be afhamed to go among the very sava ges of JMca"; I appeared to my felf a Creature fi' f-I^°«fmg Neither Heaven nor Earth.- None knows, but thofe that teel it, what the Soul endures that is fenfibly ftut out rom the Fie fcnse of God : Alas, 'lis more bitter than P eath . 12 '■ €o JSl 25. r.^^ L I F E • [On Monday, he rode to Sioningtoivn, Mr. FIfi's Parifh.— On Tuefday he exprefTes confiderableDegrees of fpiritual Com- fort and Refrefhment.j Wedncfd?iy., Jan. 26. Preach'd to a pretty largeAfTembly at Mr. Fi/h*s MeetingHoufe : Infilled on Humility, & Stedfaftnefs. in keeping God's Commands, and that thro' Humility we fhould prefer one another in Love, and not make our own Frames the Rule by which we judge others. I felt fweetly calm and, full of brotherly Love ; and never more free from Party-Spirit. I hope, fome Good will follow, that Chriftians will be freed from -^alfe j oy, and Party- Zeal, and cenfuring one another. [On Thurfday, after confiderable Time fpent in Prayer and Chriflian Converfation, he rode to New-London] Friday, Jan. 28. Here I found fome fallen into fome Extra- vagances, too much carried away with a falfe Zeal and Bitter- nefs. Oh, the Want of a Gofpel-Temper is greatly to be la- mented. Spent theEvening in converfing with fome about fome Points of Condu6^ in both Miniflers and private Chriftians ; but did not agree with them ; God had not taught them with Briers. ^ and '^Thorns to be of a kind Difpofition toward Mankind. [On Saturday, he rode to Eaft-Haddam^ and fpent the three following Days there ; and in that Space of Time he fpeaks of his feelingWeanednefs from the World, a Senfe of the Nearnefs of Eterp.ity, fpecial AfBftance in praying for the Enlargement pf Chrift's Kingdom, Times of fpiritual C®mfort &c.] Wedncfday, Feb. 2. Preach'd my Farewell-Sermon, laft Night, at the Floufe of an aged Man, who had been unable to aticnd on the publick Worfliip for fome Time ; and thisMorn- ing, fpent liie Time in Prayer, almoli wherever I went ; and having taken Leave of Friends, I fet out on my Journey towards thw Indians \ tho* by the Way I was to fpsnd fome Time at I^ a II- Hampton on Lang-IJIand^hy theLeavc of theCommiilioners who employ^ me in the Indian Affair ; * and being accompa- The Reafon why the CommifHoners or Correfpondents did not order Mr. Brainerd to go immediately to the Indi- an^i and enter on his Bufmefs as a Miflionary to them, was that thePFjnter was not judged to be a convenient Seafon for him firft to go out into the Wjldernefs, and enter on the Difficulties and Hardftiips he m-ift there be cxpofed to. nied 1 (?/ Afr. David Brainerd. A.D.1743. 6t nied by a Meflengcr from Eaji- Hampton, we travelled io Lyme. On the Road I felt an uncommon PrefTure of Mmd • I feem d to ftruegle hard for fome Pieafure in fomething here be ow and feem'd^ioth to give up all for gone ; but ther. faw my felf evident- ly throwing my felf into all Hardfhips and DiftreiTes m my pre- fentUndertaking ; I thought .t would be lefs d.fficult to he dowa in the Grave : But yet I chcfc to go, rather than Iky.— Came to Lyme that Night. r He waited the two next Days for a PafTage over tlieSound, and fpent much of the Time m inward Confliaa and Deje^ion, but had feme Comfort. On Saturday, he crofs'd the Sound, landed at Oyjief^ Ponds on Long- 1 (land, and travelled from thence to E aft- Hampton. And the feven following Days he fpent therc,for the moft Part,under extream Deieaion and Gloominefs of Mind, with great Cora- plaints of Darknefs, Ignorance &c. Yet his Heart appears to have been conftantly engaged in the great Bufmefs of Religion, much concerned for the Intercft of Religion m Eaji-Hampton, and praying and labouring much for it. ] Saturday, Fib, 12. Enjoyed a little more Comfort, was ena- bled to meditate with fome Compofure of Mind ; and efpecially in the Evening, found my Soul more refrefh'd in Prayer, than at any Time of late ; my Soul feem'd io take hold of God t Strength, Si was comforted with hisConfolations. O how Iweet are fome Glimpfcs of divine Glory ! How ftrengthemng and quickening. , _ - Lord's-Day, F^b. 13. At Noon, under a great Degree of Difcouragement ; knew not how it was poffible for me to preach in the Afternoon, was ready to give up all for gone ; but God was pleafed to afTift me in fome Mealure. In the Evening, my Heart was fweetly drawn ou< after God, and devoted to him. [ The next Day,he had Comfort andDejeaion intermingled.] Tuefday, Feb. 15. Early in the Day I felt fome Comfort, afterwards 1 walked into a neighbouring Grove, and felt more as a Stranaer on Earth, I think, than ever before ; Dead to any of the Enjoyments of the World as if I had been dead in a na- turalSenfe.--IntheEvening, had divine Sweetnefs m fecret Duty ! God was the^i my Portion,and my Soul rofe above thole di.^p Waters, into which I have funk fo low of kte :— My Soul then cried for '^ion, and had Sweetnefs m fo doing. 62 Mt. 25. Ue LIFE [ This fweet Frame continued the next Morning ; but after- wards bis inward Diftrefs returned.] Thurfday, Feb. 17. In the Morning, found my felf fomething comfortable, and refted on God in fome Meafure.— Preached thisDay at a little Village belonging ioEa/i- Hampton ; and God was pleafed to give me his gracious Prefence and Afliftance, fo that I fpake with Freedom, Boldnefs and fome Power. In the Evening, fpent fome Time with a dear Chriftian Friend ; felt fweetly ferious, as on the Brink of Eternity ; my Soul enjoyed SweStnefs in lively Apprehenfions of ftanding before the glorious God : prayed with my dear Friend withSweetnefs,and difcourfed with utmoft Solemnity. And truly it was a little Emblem of Heaven it felf.--- I find my Soul is more refined and weaned from a Dependance on my Frames and fpiritual Feelings. Friday, /v^. 18. Felt fomething fweetly moil of the Day, and found accefs to the Throne of Grace. BlefTed be the Lord for any Intervals of heavenly Delight and Compofure, while I am engaged in the Field of Battle. O that I might be ferious, folemn and always vigilant, while in an evil World. Had fome Opportunity alone to Day, and found fome Freedom in Study. G,.I long to //z;^ /fl God. Saturday, /^pi*. 19. Was exceeding infirm to Day, greatly troubled with Pain in my Head and Dizzinefs, fcarce able to fit up. However, enjoyed fomething of God in Prayer, and per- formed fome necefTary Studies. I exceedingly long to die, and yet through divine Goodncfs have felt very willing to live, for two or three Days paft. Lord's-Day, Feb. 20. Was fomething perplexed on Account of my Carelefncfs ; J thought I could not be fuitably concerned about the important Work of the Day, and fo was relilefs with myEafinefs.— - Was exceeding infirm again to Day ; but the Lord flrengthcned me, both in the outward and inward Man, fo that I preach'd with fome Life and Spirituality, efpccially in the Afternoon, wherein 1 was enabled to fpeak clofely againft felfifh Religion, that loves Chrift for his Benefits, but not for himfelf. [ During the next Fortnight, it appears that he for the moft Part enjoyed much fpiritual Peace and Comfort. In his Diary for this Space of Time, are exprcfled fuch Things as thefe ; Mourning over indwellingSin andUnprofitablenefs ; Deadnefs to the VVorld, Longing after God and to live to his Glory, Heart- melting Defirts after his eicmal Home, fix*d Reliance on God for ef Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 743 . 6^ for his Help, Experience of much divine' Afllftance both in the private and publick Exercifesof Religion ; inward Strength and Courage in theService of God, very frequent Refrefhment,Con- folation and divine Sweetnefs in Meditation, Prayer, Preaching, and Chriftian Conveifaiion. And it appears by his Account, that this Space of Time was filled up with great Diligence and Earncftnefs in ferving God, in Study, Prayer, Meditation, Preach- ing, and private Inftru6ling and Counfelling. ] Monday, March 7. This Morning when I arofe, I found my Heart go forth afterGod in longingDefires ofConformity tohira, and in fecret Prayer found my felf fweetly quicken*d and drawn out in Praifes to God for all he had done to and for me, and for all my inward Trials and Diftrefles of late ; my Heart afcribed Glory, Glory, Glory to the blefled God I AncJ bid Welcome all inward Diftrefs again, if God faw meet to exercife me with it ; Time appeared but an Inch long, and Eternity at Hand , and I thought I could with Patience and Chearfulnefs bear any Thing for the Caufe of God :— For I faw that a Moment would bring me to a World of Peace and Bleflednefs ; and my Soul, by the Strength of the Lord, rofe far above this lower Woild, and all the vain Amufements and frightful Difappointmcnts of it. Afterwards, was vifited by fome Friends, but loft fome Sweet- nefs by the Means. After that, had fome fweet Meditation on Gen. v. 24. Anl Enoch vsalked with God &c. --- This was a comfortable Day to my Soul. [The next Day, he feems to have continued in a confidera- ble Degreftof Sweetnefs and P'ervency in Religion.] Wednefday, March c). Endeavoured t© commit my felf and all my Concerns to God. Rode 16 Miles to Mantauk, * and had fome inward Sweetnefs On the Road ; but fomething of Flatncfs & Deadnefs after I came there and had feen the Indians : I withdrew, and endeavoured to pray, but found my felf awfully deferted and left, and had an aiHicling Senfe of my Vilenefs and Meannefs. However, I went and preach*d from Jfai. -WW. 10. Had fomp AfTiftance ; and, I truft, fomething of the divine Prefence was among us. In the Evening, again I pray'd and exhorted among them, after having had a Seafon alone, wherein I v^as fo prefs'd with the Blacknefs of my Na- ture, that I thought it was not fit for me to fpeak fo much as tQ Indians, ■* Marttauk is the Eaftern Cape or End of L^ng-lfiand^ inha- bited chiefly by Indians, [The 64 ^/. 25, The LIFE [The next Day, he returned to Eaft-Hampion ; wa$exceed«^ ing infirm in Body through the remaining Part of this Week ; but fpeaks of AfTiftance and Enlargement in Study and religious Exercifes, and of inward Sweetnefs and breathing after God.] Lord's-Day, March 13. At Noon, I thought it impoffible for me to preach, by Reafon of bodily Weaknefs and inward Deadnefs ; and in the firft Prayer, was fo weak that I could hardly ftand ; but in Sermon, God ftrenthgned me, fo that I fpake near an Hour and half with fweet Freedom,Clearnefs,and fome tender Power, from Gen, v. 24. And Enoch walked with God, I was fweetly aflifted to infift on a clofe Walk with God^ and to leave This as my parting Advice to God*s People here, that they Jhould walk with God. May the God of all Grace fucceed my poor Labours in this Place ! Monday, March 14. In the Morning, was very bufy in Pre- paration for myjourney, and was almoft continually engaged in ejaculatory Prayer. About ten, took Leave of the dear People of Ea/l- Hampton. MyHeaft grieved & mourned, and rejoyced at thefameTime, rode near fiftyMiJes to aPart of Brook-Haven, and lodged therCjand had refrefhingConverfation with aChriftian Friend. [In two Days more he reached New-York ; but complains of m-uch Defenion and Deadnefs on the Road. He fiay'd one Day in Nnu-Tork, and on Friday went to Mr. Dickinfon's at Elifabetb-Town. His Complaints are the fame as on the two preceeding Days.] , Saturday, March 19. Was bitterly diftreflcd under a Senfe of my Ignorance, Darknefs and Unworihincfs ; got alone, and poured out my Complaint to God in the Biiternefs of mySouL— In the Afternoon, rode to Newark^ and had fome Sweetnefs in Convcrfation with Mr. Burr^ and in Praying together. O ! blefled be God forever and ever, for any enlivening and quick- ening. Lords- Day, i'l/fi^i-/^ 20. Preach'd in the Forenoon .'-God gave me fome Ainftance andSweetnefs, and enabled me tofpeak with real Tendcrnefs, J^ove and Impartiality. In the Evening, preach'd again ; and of a Truth God was pleafed to aflifta poor Worm. Blefled be God, I was enabled to fpeak with Life, Power, and pafTionate Defire of the Edification of God's People, and with fome Power to Sinners. In the Evening, I felt fome- thingfpiritual and watchful, left my Heart fliould by any Means be diawn away from God» Qh, whtjQ fliall J c^Rie to that bbffed of Mr, David Brainer.d. 1743. ^s blcfled World, where every Power of my Soul will be incefTantly and eternally wound up, in heavenly Employments and Enjoy- ments, to the higheft npgrc*?. [ On Monday he went to JVoodbrtdgiy where he fpeaks of his being with a Number of Minifters ; * and the Day following of his travelling part of the Way towards iV6/V Ordina- tion. FRiday, Jpr'il i, 1743. I rode (o ^tfanjizw^i, near twenty Miles from Stsckbridgey where the Indians live, with whom I am concerned, and there lod^M on a littleHeap of Straw : was greatly exercifed with inward Trials and DiftrefTes all Day ; and in the Evening, my Heart was funk, and J feemed to have no God to go to. O that God would help me ! [The next five Days, he was for the moft Part in a dejected depref^M State of Mind, and fometimes extreamly fo. Hefpeaka of God's IVavei and Billows rolling over his Soul ', and of his beino- ready fometimes to fay, Surely his Mercy is clean gone for ever, and he will be favourable no more ; and fays, The Anguifh he endured, was namelefs and inconceivable : But at the fame Time fpeaks thus concerning his Diftrefles, What Godde/lgnsby alt my Diftrcffes I know not ; hut this I knew, 1 dsferve them all^ and Thoufands msre.— He givis an Account of the Indians kindly receivini^ him, and being ferioufly attentive to hisInftru£tions.J Fridav, Jprilj- Appeared to my felf exceeding ignorant, weak, helplefs, and unworthy, and ahogecher unequal to my Work. It fcem'd to me, I (hould never do any b'ervice, or have any Succefs among the Indians. My Soul was weary of my Life : I longed for Death, beyond Meafure. When I thought of any godly Soul departed, my Soul was ready tdenvy htrn his Privilege, thinking, O/;, when luill my Turn come / Aluj'i it be Tmrs frft /--- But I know, thofe ardent Defues, at this and other Times, rofe partly for Want of Rcfignation to Go 1 tinder allMifcries ; and fo were but Impatience. Towards Night, I had (1 think) the Exercifis of Faith m Prayer, and feme AfulUncc in Writing, O thai G»J would keep q^ near him ! Ffida;-, of Kir, David Brainerd. A D. 1 7 43. 6y Friday, April 8. Was exceedingly prefs*d under a .^enfe of my Pride ^Selfijhnefs^ Bitternefs^ and Party- Spirit^ inTimes p:;ft, while I attempted to promote tiie Caufe of God : It*s vile Na- ture and dreadful Confequences appeared in fuch odious Colours to me, that ray very Heart was pained : I faw how poor Souls ftumbled over it into everlafiing Deflru6lion, that I was con- ftrained to make ihat Prayer in the Bitternefs of my Soul, Q Lord^ deliver me from Blood-Guiltinefs . I faw my Defert.of Hell on this Account. My Soul was full of inward Anguifh and Shame before God, that I had fpcnt fo much Time in Converfa- tion tending only to promote a Party-Spirit. Oh, I faw I had not faiiably prized Mortification, Self-denial, Refign^tion under all Advcrfities, Mecknefs, Love, Candour, and Holintfs 06 Heart and Life : And this Day was alraoft wholly fpent in fuch bitter and Soul-affli6ting Reflections on my paft Frames and ConducSl.— Of late,I have thought much of having the Kingdom of Chrift advanced in the World j But now I faw I bad enough to do within my felf. The Lord be merciful to mc a Sinner, and wafh my Soul. Saturday, April g. Remained much in the fame State as Yefterday ; excepting that the Senfe of my Vilcnefs was not fa quick and acute. Lord's-Day, Jpril 10. Rofe early in the Morning, and walked out, and fpent confiderable Time in the Woods, in Prayer and Meditation. Preach'd to the hdians^hoih Forenoon andAfternoon. They behaved foberly in general : two or three in particular appeared under fome religious Concern ; with whom I difcourfed privately ; and one told me, her Heart had cried y ever fince Jhe heard me preach firji, [The next Day, he complains of much Defcrtion.] Tuefday, April i2r Was greatly opprefs'd with Grief and Shame, refle6i:ing on my paft Condudl, my Biilernefi h Party Xeal : I was afiiamed,to think that fuch a Wretch as I had ever preach'd 4--- Longed to be excufcd from that Work- And when my Soul was not in Anguifli and keen Diflrefs, 1 felt Senfelefs as a Beajl before Gad^ and felt a Kind of guikyAmufe- ment with the leaft Trifles ; which f^ill maintained a Kind of ftifled Horror of Confcience, fo that I could not reft anj^ more than a condemned Malefadtor. Wednefday, April \/^. My Heart was overwhelmed within me : I vgrily thought I wa? the m^aneft, vileft, moil helplcfs, K % ■ &'iilty. 63 mt,is\ fre^ LIFE guilty, ignorant, benightncd Creature living. And yet I knew \yhat God had done for my Soul, at thefameTime : Tho' fome- times I was .fiaulted with damping Doubts and Fears, whether it was poflibic for fuch a Wretch as I to be in a State of Grace. ThurfJay, April 14. Remain'd much in the fame State as Yefterday, Friday, April 15. In the Forenoon, very difconfolate. In the Afrcrnoon. preach'd to my People, and was a little encou- laged in {om^ Hopes God might beftow Mercy on their Souls.— Felt n^inefhing refigned to God under all Difpenfations of his Providence. Saturday, April 16. Still in the Depths of Diftrefs.— In the Affcrnoon, preach'd to my People ; but was more difcouraged vi'ith them than before ; fearM that ncfthing would ever be done for them to any happy EfFed. I retired and poured out my Soul to God for Mercy ; but witfeout any fenfible Relief. Soon after, came an Irifh-man and a Dutch-man^ with a Defign, as they faid, to hear me preach the next Day ; but none can tell how I felt, to hear their profane Talk. Oh, I longed that feme dear Chriftian knew my Diftrefs. I got into a Kind of Hovel, and there groan'd out my Complaint to God ; and withal felt more fenfible Gratitude and Thankfulnefs to God, that he had made me to differ from thefe Men, as I knew thro' Grace he had, LordVDay, April 17. In the Morning was again diftrefTcd ^s foon as I waked, hearing much Talk about the World and the Things of it : Tho' 1 perceived the Men were in fome Meafure afraid of me ; and I difcourfed fomcthing about fan^ti* fying the Sabbath, if poflible, to folemnize their Minds : But when they were at a littleDift3nce,they again talked freely about fecular Afl\--"rv Oh, I thought what a /i/^// it would be, to Jive vvith fuch .'vJen to Eternity ! The Lord gave me fomeAfTift- ance in P.-eathing, all Day, and fome Refignation, and a fmall Degree c; Comfort in Prayer at Night. [ He continued in this difconfolate Frame the ne^l'Day.] Tuefday, /Ipril iq. In en/i of my Meannejs end infinite Unworthinefs, that 1 have been ajhamed that any ^ven the manefi ofmyFelhw-Cresturesfioul^fo much as fpenda Thought cb4ut me,^ have wijh'd fometimes while I have traveled among tks thick Brakes, as one pf thim, to drop into tverlajhni Oblivion. In this Cafe, fometimes, I have almoji rejolved never again to fee any of my Acquaintance ; and really thought, 1 could not doit and holdup my Face ', and have longed for the remoujl Region, for a Retreat from all my Friends, that I might not be feen or heard of any more,'- Sometimes the Confideration of mylgnorance has heenaMeans of my s-reat Di/iref and Anxiety, And efpecially my Soul has been in Anguijh withFear, Shame, and Guilt, that ever 1 had preach d^ or had anyThought tbatlVay,— Sometimes my Soul has been inDiJireJt en feeling feme particular Corruptions rife and fwell Uke a mtgbiy Torrent, with pnfent Violence ; having at the fame Time, tinThow fand former Sins and Follies prefentedto View, in all their Blacknefs end A^r^ravations.'-' And thefe attended with fuch external Circum- fiancilasmine at prefent are ; defiituteofmojiofthe Conveniences of Life, and 1 may fay, of all the Pleafures of it ; without aFrtend t$ communicate any of my Sorrows to, and fometimes withsutanyPlaa of Retirement, where 1 ma^i unburden my Soul before God.which has greatly contributed tomy Dijlrefs,— Of late, more efpecialh, my great Difficulty has been a Sort of Carelefnefs, a Kind of regardlejs Temper of Mind, whence J have been difpofed to Indoience and In- fiing: And this Temper of Mind bai cmfiantly been attended witlj Guilt and Shame ; fo that fometimes 1 have been in a Kind of Horror,^ to find my feif fo unlike tbe bleffed God ; and have ihsught J grew worfe underbill my Trials \ and nothing has cut and wounded my Soul more than This, Ob, if J am one of God's chafen, as Itruft thro' infinite Grace Im^ Jfisid of a Truth, that the righteous are fcatccly favf d I k 74 ^t.2e. 2-^5 LIFE /Tis apparent that one mainOccafion of that diflrefJIngGloo- minefs of Mind which he was fo much exercifed with T^iKaunaw meek, was Rtfleaion on his paft Errors and mifguided Zeal at <>^/V, in the Beginning of the late religious Commotions in the Land. And therefore he repeated his Endeavours this Year for Reconciliation with the Governours of the College, whom he had in that Time offended. Ahho' he had been at New- Haven m June, this Year, and had attempted a Reconciliation, as has been mentioned already, yet in the Beginning of July, he made another Journey thither, and renewed his Attempt, but Itill ]n V2in, ^ Altho' he was much dejeaed, great Part of that Space of 1 ime that I^ni now fpealcmg of, yet there were many Inter- miffions of his Melancholy, and fome Seafons of Comfo rc fweet Tranquillity and Refignation of Mind, and frequent fpecial Afiilbnce m publick Services, that he fpeaks of in his Diary 1 he Manner ot his Relief from his Sorrow, once in particular IS worthy to be mcnlion'd in his own Words, in his Diary for July 25, whicli are as follows : Had Utile orno Refoluthnfor a Life of Hohnefs; was ready abnojl to renounce my Hotes of living io God. And Oh how dark it looked, to think cf being unholy for 'Z";{ ^^V ■ ''''^'^""' '"'^''''' '^^'^ ^'y 'f '^y ^0^^ ^^^ that, P>/.lxv. 3. Iniquities prevail againf^ me. But was in fomeMea- jure relieved by a ccmfortable A, ?nd lodged there that Night ; found it much better fpendine the Time alone in my own Houfc, than in the Ifigwam wh?re 1 was before. LordVDay, July ^i^ Felt more comfortably than fomeDays palt.— Blehed be the Lord, that has now given me a Place of Retirement.- O thit I might find God in it, and that he would dwell with me for ever. Monday, Jug. 1.. Was fliU bufy in further Labours on my Houfe.— Felt a httlc of the Sweetnefs of Religion, and thought it was W'orth the while to fiodow nfter God thro' a Thoufand $5nires. Defarts,andDeath it k\L O that i might always follow fUfrHffhne/s, that i ^ay be fpi]>confprmed icGo^/ hU^ of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D^ 743 : 75 fome Degree of Sweetnefs, in fccret Prayer, tho* I had much Sorrow. • Tuefday, Aug, 2. Was ftill labouring to make my felf more comfortable with Regard to my Houfe and Lodging. Labour'd under fpiritual Anxiety ; It feem'd to me, I defervtd to be kick'd out of the World ; yet found fome Comfort mcommitung my Cauje to God, 'Tis good for me to be affliSied^ that I may die wholly to this World and all that is in it. Wednefday, Aug, 3. Spent moft of the Day in Writing. Enjoyed fome Senfe of Religion. Thro* divine Goodnefs I am now uninterruptedly alone ; and find my Retirement comforta- ble. I have enjoyed more Senfe of divine Things within a few Days laft paft, than for fomeTime before. I longed after Holi- nefs5Humility& Meeknefs : O thatGod would enable me to pafi the Time of my fojourning here in his Fear^ and always live to him, Thurfday, Aug. 4. Was enabled to pray much, thro' the wholeDay ; and thro* divine Goodnefs found fome Intenfenefs of Soul in the Duty, as I ufed to do, anr' fome Ability to perfe- vere in my Supplications : Had fome Apprehenfions of divine Things, that were engaging, and that gave me fome Courage and Rcfoiution. ^Tis good, I find, to per fever e in Attempts to pray, if I can't pray with Perfeverance^ i. e. continue long in my Ad- drefles to the divincBeing. I have generally found, that the more I do in fecret Prayer, the more I have delighted to do, and have enjoyed more of a Spirit of Prayer ; and frequently have found the contrary, when with Journeying or oiherwife, I have been much deprived of Retirement. A fcafonable fleadyPerformance of fecret Duties in their proper Hours, & a careful Improvement of all Time, filling up every Hour with fome profitable Labour, either of Heart, Head, or Hancls, are excellent Means o fpiritual Peace and Boldnefs before God. Chri/i indeed is our Pence^ and by him we have Boldnefs of Accef, to God -, but a good Covfcience^ void of Offence^ is an excellent Preparation (or an Approach into the divine Prefence. There is Difference between Self-Confix dence and a Self-righteous pteafmg ourfelves (wi^h our ownDuiies, Attainments, and fpiritual Enjoyments) wh'.ch godlySouIs fome- times are guilty of, and that holy Confidence arifmg from the Teftimony of a good Confcience, which j^cod. Hezekiah had when he fays. Remember y O Lord^ 1 beleech Thee^ hoiu 1 have walkea before thee in Truth and with aperfe£i Hiart. Then (fays the holy Pfalmift) fl^all 1 not be o/}jamed, whtn J have RejpeU to all thy Commondments. Filling up our Time with and/i?r God is the Way to lifc up and lie down in Peace. L 2 [The fo Mt, 26, 2^^ LIFE [ The next eight Days, he continued for the moff Part in t very comfortable Frame, having his Mind fixed and fweetly en- gaged in Religion ; and more than once blcfl"es God, that he had given him a VaihCoitagg, where he might live alone, and enjoy a happy Retirement, free from Noife and Difturbance, and Cfculd at any Hour of the Day lay afide all Studies, and fpend Time in lifting up his Soul to God for fpiritual BJeflings.] Saturday, Jug, 13. Was enabled in fecretPrayer to raife my Soul to God, with Defire and Delight. It was indeed a blefTed Seafon to my Soul : I found the Comfort of bting a Chriftian ; J counted the Sufferings ef the prefent Life not worthy to he compared with the Glory of divine Enjoyments, even in this World. All my paft Sorrows feemed kindly to difappear, and I remembred no rnore the Sorrow ^ for Jey -— O, how kindly ,» and with what a filial Tendernefs, the Soul hangs on, and con- fides in the Rock of Jges,at fuch a Seafon, that he will never leave it nor for fake it, that he will caufe all Things to work together for iti Good, ^c ! I longed, that others fhould know how good a God the Lord is. My Soul was full of Tendernefs and Love, even to the moft inveterate of my Enemies : I longM ihey (hould (hare in the fame Mercy. 1 loved and longed that God fhould do juft as he pleafed, with mc and every Thing elfe. I felt exceeding ferious, calm and peaceful, »nd encouraged to prcfa after Holinefs aj long as I live, whatever Di nculties and Trials may be in my Way. May the Lord always help me fo to do ; /fmen, and Jmen ! Lord's- Day, Jug. 14. I had much more Freedom in publick, than in private. God enabled me to fpeak with feme feeling Senfc of divine Things ; but perceived no confiderable Efted. Mcjnday, Jug. 15. Spent moft of the Day in Labour to pro- cure fomething to keep my Horfe on in the Winter. --Enjoyed not much Sweetnefs in th.^ Morning : Was very weak in Bcdy, through the Day, and tho*t this frail Body would foon drop into ibcDait : Had feme very lealizingApprchcnfionsof a fpeedy Entrance into another World. And in this weak State of Body, was not a iiale diltrelTed for want of fuitablc Food. Had no Bread , nor could I get any. I am forced to go or fend ten or firteer. Miles for all the Bread I eat ; and fometimcs 'tis mouldy and foure, before I eat ir, if 1 gc: any confiderable Qiiantity : And then again I have none for fomc Days together, for want of an Opportunity to fend for it, a«d cai/t find my Horfe in ths VVooc's to go my feU ; and this was my Cafe now: B\At t%rfa^. 23. Studied in the Forenoon, and enjo)'d fome Freedom. " lo the Afternoon, Ubgured Abroad : Eudea- vouitd 78 ^/. 25. r.^^ L I F E youred to pray mtich ; but found not much Sweetnefs or In- tenfeneis of Mind Towards N.ght, was very weary, & tir'd of th.s \A/orId of Sorrow : The Thoughts of Death & Immor- tality appeared very defi able,and even refrefh'd my Soul. Thofe 1-ines turned in my Mind with Pleafurc, CcTTii, Death, ftjoke Hands -, VR kifs thy Bands : Tis ticpptnefs for im to die. What ! Do'li thou think, that Iwilljhrinkf lUgo to Immorialiiy, In Evenin^-Praycr, God ;yas pleafed to draw near my Soul, tho very finful and unworthy: Was enabled to wreftle with Crod and to perfev.re in my Requefts for Grace • I noured out my Soul for all the World, Friends and Enemies. ' My SouS w.s concerned, not fo much for Souls as fuch, but rather for ^.hrilt s Kingdom, that it might appear in the World, that God mightbeknown to be God, in the whole Earth. And Oh mv Soul abhor'd the vervThought of a Party in Religion ! Let the 1 ruth of God appear, wherever it is ; and God have theGlory tor ^ ever, y/;;2^/7. 7 h,s was indeed a comfortable Seafon • I tho t I had fome fmill Talte of, and real Relifh for the Enjoy- ments and Employments of the upper World. O that mySoul was more attemper'd to it. Wednefday, Jug, 24. Spent fome Time, in the Morning,Ln btudy and f rayer. Afterwards, was engaged in fome necefTary buhnefs Abroad. 7^owards Night, found a littleTime for feme particular Studies. I thought, if God fhould fay, Ceafe making miv Provtfionfcr this Life, for you /hall in a few 'Days go cut of Itme into Eternity, my Soul, would leap for Joy. O that I may both d.fire to h, diffhlved to be with Chrift^ and likewife wait pati- ently all the Dayi of my appointed Time UiU my Change co?ne.—E\xt a^as I am very uiJit for the Bufmefs & BlefTednefs pf Heaven.— for more Holinefs. Thurfday, ^//.. 25. Part of the D^^v, engaged in Studies ; and part, in Labour Abroad. I find, 'tis impc.mb'e to enjoy f3^^ ^""^ Tr'nquiliiiy of Mind wiihout a careful Improvement nr '^^' '' '""'''^'^ ^" Imicat'ion of Ged and Lhrift Jefus : My I^atherivorketh hitherto, and Iwofk, fays cur Lord. But ftill, if we would be like God,' we muit fee that we fill up our 1 inie for him.-- I daily long fo dwell in perfe^ Light & Love. Jn the mean T.-me my Soul mourn?, that 1 make fo lirtle Pro- grels in Grace ::nd Prep:uation for the World of BlefTcdnefs : I U% and know cnat i m\ a very b.ipren Tree in '^od's Vineyard, and of Mr, David Bralnerd. A.D. 1743. 79 and that he might juftly fay. Cut it down &c. O that God would make me more lively and vigorous in Grace, for his own Glory ! Amen, [The two nextDays, he was much engaged in feme neceiTary Labours, in which heextreamly fpent himfeif. He feems5tbere Days to have had a great Senfe of the Vanity of the World ; and continued Longings after Holinefs, and more Fervency of Spirit in the Service of God.] Lord's-Day, Aug, 28. Was much perplex'd with fome irre- ligious Dutch-men. All their Difcourfe turned upon theThings of the World : which was no fmall Exercife to my Mind. Oh, what a Hell it would be to fpend an Eternity with fuch Men ! Well mighWavid fay, 1 beheld theTranfgrfffors,^ was griived," But, adored be God, Heaven is a Place, into which no unclean Thing enters. Oh, I long for the Holinefs of that.Worid ! Lord, prepare me therefor. [The next Day, he fet out on a Journey to New-Tork. Was fomething dejeded, the two firft Days of his Journey ; but yet feems to have enjoyed fome Degrees of the fenfible Prefence of God.] Wcdnefday, Aug, 31. Rode down to Bethlehem : Was in a Tweet, ferious, and, I hope, Chriftian Frame, when I came there ; Eternal Things engrofs'd all my Thoughts ; and I long*d to be in the World of Spirits. O how happy is it, to have all our Thoughts fwallowed up in that World ; to feel one's felf a ferious confiderate Stranger in this World, dihgently feeking a Road tbro' it, the bcfl, the fure Road to the heavenly Jeru-^ falem ! Thurfday, Ssptemb, i. Rode to Danbury, Was more dull and dejedted in Spirit, than Yefterday. Indeed, I always feel comfortably, when God realizes Death and the Things of ano- ther World to my Mind : Whenever my Mind is taken ofF from the Things of this World, and fet on God, my Soul is then at Reji, [He went forward on his Journey, and came toNew-Totk on the next Monday. And after tarrying there two or threeDays, fet out from theCity towirdsNew- Haven, intending to be there at the Commencement -5 and on Friday came to Horfe-Neck. In to Mt. 26. The LIFE In the mean Time, he complains much of DuJnefs, and Want of Fervour in Religion : But yet from Time (o Time, fpeaka of his enjoying fpiritual VVarmth and Sweetnefs in Converfation with Chriftian Friends, Afliftance in pubjick Services, ^c] Saturday, Sept. 10. Rode fix Miles to Stanwich^ and preach *d to a confiderable A/Tembly of People. Had Tome AfTiftance and Freedom, efpecially towards the Clofe. Endeavoured much afterwards, in private Converfation, to eflablifh Holiacfs, Hu- mility, Meeknefs ^c. as the Eflence of true Religion ; and to moderate; feme noify Sort of Perfons, that appeared to me to be a£led by unfeen fpiritualPride. Alas,whatExtreams Men incline to runinto !— Returned io Horfe-NeckyZnd felt fome Serioufnefs and fweet Solemnity in the Eveaing. Lord's-Day, Sept, 11. In the Afternoon, preach'd from T/'/w iii. 8. I think, God never helped me more in painting out true Religion, and in detecting clearly, and tenderly difcountc- nancingfalfe Appearances of Religion, Wild-fire Party- Zeal, fpiritual Pride, ^c, as well as a confident dogmatical Spirit, and it's Spring, viz. Ignorance of the Heart>-- In the Evening, took much Pains in private Converfation to fupprefs fome Con- fufions, that I perceived were amongft that People. Monday, Sept, 12. Rode to Mr. MiUi's at Ripton. Had fome perplexing Hours ; but was fbme Part of the Day very comfortable. 'Tis through great Trials ^ I fee, that we muji enter the Gates cf Paradjfe, If my Soul could but be Holy, that God might not be difhonoured, methinks, I could bear Sorrows. Tuefday, Sept. 13. Rode to New- Haven. Was fometiraes dejedled ; not in the fweeteft Frame. Lodged at ****. Had fome profitable Cliriftian Converfation, ^c.—l find,tho* my in- ward Trials are great, and a Eife of Solitude gives 'em greater Advantage to fettle and penetrate to the very iomoft Receflts of the SoLil j yet 'tis better to be alone, than incumber'd withNoife and Tumult. I find it very difficult maintaining any Senfe of divime Things, while removing from Place to Place, diverted with new Objc(Sfs, and filled with Care and Bufinefs. A fettled ifeady.Bufinefs is befl adapted to a Life of ftrid Religion. VVednefday, Sept. 14. This Day I ought to have taken my Degree I * but God fees fit to deny it me. And the' I was greatly afraid of being overwhelmed with Perplexity and Ccn- fi'.fion, when I fliould fee my Clafs- Mates take theirs ; }ct, in This being Commencement Day, (he of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1 743. 8 1 the very Seafon of It, God enabled me with Calmnefs and Re- fignation to (zy^Thelf^illofthe Lord b^ done- Indeed, thro* divine Goodnefs, I have fcarcely felt my Mind fo calm, fedate, and comfortable for fome Time. I have long fear'd this Seafon, and expeded my Humility, Meeknefs, Patience and Refignation would be much tried f : But found much more Pleafure and divine Comfort, than I expefled.— Felt fpiritually Serious, ten- der and AfFeaionate in private Prayer with a dear Chriftian Friend to Day. Thurfday, Sept. 15. Had fome Satisfadlion in hearing the Minifters difcourfe ^c. 'Tis always a Comfort to me, to hear religious and fpiritual Difcourfe. O that Minifters and People were more fpiritual and devoted to God,—- Towards Night, with the Advice of Chriftian Friends, I offered the fol- lowing Reflections in Writing, to the Re^or and Tru/iees of the College ( which are for Subttance the fame that I had freely of- fered to the ReSfor before, and intreated him to accept) and this I did that if pofTible I might cut ofFallOccafion of Stumbling and OfFence, from thofe that feek Occafion. What I offered, is as follows. • «' Whereas I have faid before feveralPerrons,concernI1hg Mr. <' JVhittelJeyy one of the Tutors of Yale-College^ that J did not «' believe he had any more Grace^than theChair 2 then Uan'd upon 5 *« I humbly confels, that herein I have fmM agairift God, and <' a to the World.- - I found no Peace, orDeliverance from thisDiitra6lion and Perplexity of Mind, 'till I found Accefs to the Throne of Grace : And as foon as 1 had any Senfe of God and Things di- vine, the Allurements of the World vanif]:!^, and my Heart was determined for God. But my Soul mourned over my P'olly, that f fhould dcfirc any PJeafure, but only in God. God lorgivc my fpifitual Idolatry. [ The next thirteenDays,he appears to have been continually in deepConcern about the Improvement of preciousTime ; and ihcTt are many ExprefHons of Grief, that he improved Time no tetter ; fuch 2$, Oh, what M'lfery do I feel^ when my Thought rove oiler Viimtv ! I Jhould be happy if always tnga/^ed for God ! O wretched Aian that I am^ &c I Speaks of his being pained with a Senfe of hisB^rrennefi, perplexed with hisWandrings, longing for Deliverance from the Being of Sin, mourning that Time pafl away, and fa little vv?.s done for God, b'^.-- On Tuefday, Decemh. 20. He fpeaks of his being vifited at Kaunaumeek by fjme under fpiritual Concern.] Thurfday, Decemb. 22. Spent this Day alone in Fafting and Fraver, and Reading in God's Woid the Exercifes and Deli- verances of God's Children. Had, f truff, fome Exercife o'i Faith and realising Apprehenfion of divine Pavver, Grace and Holinefs 1 cf Mr. David Brainerd. ^•^•1743. 95 Holinefs ; and alfoof the Unchangeablenefs of God, that he is the fame as he was when he delivered his Saints of old out of great Tribulation. My Soul was fundry Times in Prayer en- larged lor ood's Church andPeopie. O that Zion might become t\\Q Joy of the Whole Earth. 'Tis better to wait upon God with Paiience, than to put Confidence in any Thing in this lower World. M^ Soul^ wait Thou on ike Lord ; for from him coma thy Salvation. Friday, Decemb. 23. Felt a little more Courage and Refolu- tion in Religion, than at fonae other Times. Saturday, Decemb. 24. Had feme Affiftance, and longing Defires after San6lification, in Prayer thif Da^' ; efpecially in the Evening : Was fenfible of my own Weaknefs and fpiritual [m- potency : Saw plainly,! fhould fall into Sin, if God of his abun- dant Mercy did wox. uphold my Soul, and withold me from Evil. O that God would uphold me by his free Spirit ^ and fave me from ihe Hour of Temptation. Lord's-Day, Decemb. 25. Pray'd much, in theMorning,with a feeling Senfe of my own fpiritual Weaknefs and InfuiHcicncy for any Duty. God gave me fonae Afliitance in Preaching to the Indians ; and efpecially in the Afternoon, when I was ena- bled to fpeak with uncommon Plainnefs, Freedom, and Ear- Beftnefs. BlefTed be God for any Affiftance granted to one fa unworthy. Afterwards felt fome Thankfulnefs -, but ftill fen- fible of Barrennefs.— Spent fome Time in the Evening, with one or twoPetfons under fpiritual Concern, and exhorting others to their Duty, l3*c. Monday, Decemb. 26. Rode down to Siotkbrid^e. Was very much fatigued with my Journey, wherein I underwent great Hardfhip : Was much expofed and very wet by falling into a River. Spent the Day and Evening without much Senfe of divine and heavenly Things ; But felt guilty, griev'd, and per- plcx'd with wandring carelefs Thoughts. Tuefday, Deeemb. 27. Had a fmall Degree of Warmth In fecret Prayer, in the Evening : but, alas, had but little fpiritual Life, and confequently but littleComfort ! Oh, thcPrefTure of a Body of Death ! * Wedncfday, Decemb. 28. Rode about fix Miles to the Ordi- nation of Mr. Hopkins. In the Seafoq of the Sofemnity was » This Day he wrote the 2d Letter added at the E nd of this Hiftory/ ibmewhat 92 j^LiS. fbe LIFE AD. 1744; fomewhat affected with a Senfe of theGreafnefs and Importance of the Work of a Minifter ofChrift. Afterwards was grieved to fee the Vanity of the Multitude. In the Evening, fpent a little Time with feme Chriftian Friends, with fome Degree of Satisfadion ; but mod of the Time had rather have been alone. Thurfday, Dscemb. 29. Spent the Day mainly in converfing with Friends ; yet enjoyed h'ttle Satisfadion, becaufe I could find but fewdifpofed to Converfe of divine and heavenly Things. Alas, what are Things of this World, to afford Satisfadion to the Soul I— Near Night, returned to Stockbridge ; in fecret blefs'd God for Retirement, and that I ben't always expofed to theCompany and Converfation of the World. O that I could Jive in the Jecret cf God's Prefence, Friday, Decemb, 30. Was in a folcmn devout Frame in the Evening. Wonder'd that Earth, with all its Charms, (hould ever allure me in the leafl Degree. O that I could always realize the Being and Holinefs of God. Saturday, Decemb. 31. Rode from Stcckbridge home to my Houfe : The Air was clear and Calm, but as Cold as ever I felt it in the World, or near. I was in great Danger of perifhing by the Extremity of the Seafon.— Was enabled to Meditate much on the Road. Lord's-Day, January i. 1743,4. In the Morr^ng, haJ fome fmall Degree of Affiftance in Prayer. Sawmyfelffo vile and unworthy, that I couid not look my People in the Face, when I came to Preach. Oh, my Meanncfs, Folly, Ignorance, and inward Pollution !"-In the Evening, had a little Afliftance in Praver,fo that theDuty was delightfome, rather then burdenfbm. Refle inHeaven,how much foevcr they had injured me onEarth ; Had noDifpofition to infill upon anyConfeflion from them, in order to Reconciliation & theExercife ofLove ScKindnefa to them. O'tis anEmblem of Heaven it felf, to love ail the World with a Love of Kindnefs, Forgivenefs, and Benevolence ; To feel our Souls fedate, mild and meek ; to be void of all evil Surmifings and Sufpicions, and fcarce able to think Evil of any Man upon any Occafion ; To find ourHearts fimple, open, and free, to thofe that look upon us with a different Eye !--- Prayer was iii fweet an Exsrcife to me, that 1 knew not how to ceafe, left I Ihould lofe the Spirit of Prayer. Felt no Difpofition to cat or drink, for the fake of the Pleafure of it, but only to fupport my Na- ture, and fit me for divine Service. Could not be content without a very particular mention of a great Number of dear Friends at the Throne of Grace ; as alfo the particularCircum- ftances of many, fo far as they were known. Lords- Day, Nov, 4. In the Morning, enjoyed the fame In- tenfenefs in Prayer asYefterday-Morning ; iho' not in fo great a Degree : Felt the fame Spirit of Love,univerfa! Benevolence, Forgivenefs, Humility, Refignation, Moriificaiion to theWojld, 2^i Cbr:7pcrL:re of Mind, as then. My Soul reJUd in GcD ; zt\\ 102 Ml 26: «^ LIFE I found, r wanted no otherRefuge or Friend. While my Soul thus trulls in God, all Things feem to be at Peace with me, even the Stones of the Earth : But when I can't apprehend and confide in God, all Things appear with a different Afpecft. [ Through the four next Days, he complains of Barrennefs, want of holy Confidence in God, Stupidity, Wandrings of Mind, ^c. and fpeaks of Oppreifion of Mind under a Senfe of exceedingMeannefs, paft Follies, as well as prefent Workings of Corruption. — On Friday, he feems to have been reftored to a confiderableDegrce of the fame excellentFrame that he enjoyed the Saturday before.] Saturday, March 10. In the Morning, felt exccefliHg dead to the World and all its Enjoyments : I thought, I was ready and willing to give upLifeand all its Comforts, as foon as called to it : And yet then had as muchComfortof Life as almoft ever I had. Life itfelf now appeared but an empty Bubble : The Riches, Honours, and conamonEnjo^'ments of Life appeared ex- tremely taftlefs. I longed to be perpetually and entirely crucified to all Things here below, by the Crojs of Chrifl, My Soul was fweetly refigned toGod's Difpofal of me, in every Regard ; and! fa w, there had nothing happened to me but what was beft for me. I confided in God, that he would never leave me^ tho' I Ihould walk tfjro' the Valley of the Shadow of Death. It was thtn my Meat and Drink to be holy, to live to the Lord, and die to tht Lord : And I thought, that I then enjoyed fuch a Heaven, as far exceeded the moft fublime Conceptions of an unregeneratc Soul ; and even unfpeakably beyond what I my felf could con- ceive of at another Time. I did not wonder, that Peter faid. Lord, it is good to be hereyV/\iQn thus refrelh'd with divineGIories. My Soul was full of Love and Tendernefs in the Duty of Inter- ceflion ; efpecially felt a moft fwect AfFedtion to fome precious ^odly Minifters, of my Acquaintance. Pray'd earneftly for dear Chriftians, and for thofe I have Reafon to fear are myEne- mies ; And could not have fpoken a Word of Bitternefg, or entertained a bitterThought, againft the vileftMan living. Had a Senfe of my own great Unworthinefs. My Soul feem'd to breath forth Love and Pr ai/e to God afrefh, when I thought he would let his Children love and receive me as one of their Bre- thren andFellow-CiilzcBs : And when I thought of their treat- ing me in that Manner, I longed to \'\q at theirFeet j and could think of no Way to exprefstl^eSincerity ^Simplicity of myLove and '?rf»^/^/«V/«GoD,inMorning-Devotion; fo that I wasreleas'd from trembling Fear and Diftren,..— Preached to my People from the Parable of the Sew£r, Matth. xiii. And enjoyed fomp Afliftance, both Parts of the Day : Had fome Freedom, Affec- tion, and Fervency in addrefling my poor People ; long*d that God Ihould take hold of their Hearts, and make them fpirftually alive. And indeed I had fo much to fay to them, that I knew not how to leave ofF (peaking. * Monday, March 12. In the Morning, was in a devout, ten- der, and loving Frame of Mind ; and was enabled to cry to God, I hope, with a Child-like Spirit, with Importui#ty, and Refignation, and Compofure of Mind. My Spirit was full of Quietnefs, and Love toMankind ; and longed thatPeace fhoujd reign on theEarth : Was grieved at the very Thoughts of 2l fiery ^ angry and intemperate TLeal in Religion ; mourn'd over paft Follies in thatRegard ; and mySoul confided inGod forStrength and Grace fufficient for my future Work and Trials.— Spent the Day mainly in hard Labour, making Preparation for my intended Journey. Tuefday, PAarch 13. Felt my Soul going forth after God fometimcs 5 but not with fuch Ardency as I longed for. In the J^vening, was enabled to continue injlani in Prayer^ for fome confiderable Time together 5 and efpecially had refpedt to the Journey I defigned to ent«r upon, with the Leave of divine Providence, on the Morrow. Enjoyed fome Freedom and Fer- vency, intreating that the divine Prefence might attend me in * This was the laft Sabbath that ever he performed publick Service at KGunaumsek^?x\d thefe the laft Sermcns that ever he preached there. It appears by his Diary, that while he continued with thefe Indians^ he took great Pains with them,anddid it with much Difcretion ; But the parliculajT M^nefj how, has been omitted fw Brevity's ^?^k^, P ever) 104 -^/. 26. "the LIFE every Plaa where my Bufmefs might lead me ; and had 3 par* ticuJar Reference to the Trials and Temptations that I appre- hended I might be more eminently expofed to in particular ' Places, Was ftrengihen'd and comforted ; altho* I was before very v/eary. Truly the Joy of de Lord is Strength and Life, Wednefday, March 14. Knjoy'd feme Intenfenefs of Soul in Prayer, repeating my Petitions for God's Prefence in every f iace where I expedled to be in my Journey. Befought theLord that I might not be too much pleafed and amufed with dear Friends andAcquaintancc, in onePlace and another.--- Near lO fet out on my Journey, anH near Night came to Stockbridge, Thurfday^ March 15. Rode down to Sheffield, Here I met a MefTenger from Eaji- Hampton on Long-l/Jand ; who, hy the unanimous Vote of that large Town, was fent to invite me thi- ther,in order to fettle with that People, where I had been befor© frequently invited. Scem'd more at aLofs what was my Duty, than before ; when I heard of the greatDifficulties of rhatPJace^ I was much concerned and grieved, and felt fome Dcfires to comply with their Requefl j but knew not what to do : En- deavourfti to commit the Cafe to God. [ The two nextDaySjhe went no further (h^nSalifbury^ being much hinder'd by the Rain. When he came there, he was much indifpofed.-- He fpeaks of comfortable and profitable Converfation with Chriftian P>iends, on thefe Days.] LordVDay, Jkl^rch iS. [ At Saiifiury, ] Was exceeding weak and faint, fo that I cculd fcarce walk : But God was pleaf- ed to aitbrd me much Freedom, Clearnefs and Fervency in Preaching : I have not had the like AfTiilance in Preaching to Sinners for many Months paf^. --Here another Meflenger met me, and informed me of the V^ote of another Congregation, to give me an Invitation to come among them upon Probation for Settlement. * Was fomething exercifcd inMind with aWeight and Burden of Care, O that God would fend forth faithful Labour en into his Harvefu ^ \ After this, he went forward on his Journey towards IsJcw- York i^ndNeW'Jerfey : In which he proceeded flowiy ; perform- i-ng his Journey unjder -great Degrees of bodily Indifpofttiono * This Congregation was that at MHUngton, near Ha^dam, They were very earneftly defirous of his coming among them, ' How- of Mr, David Bralnerd. A.D. 1744^ 105 IJowever, be preachM feveral Times by the Way, being urged by Friend ; in which he had confiderable Affiftance. He fpeaks of Comfort in Convcrfation with Chriftian Fr.ends, from Time to Time, and of various Things in the Exercifes and Frames ot his Heart, that fhew much of a divine Influence on his Mind in this Journey : But yetc omplains of theThtng that he fear' d viz- a Decline of his fpiritual Life, or Vivacity m Rdieion, by Means of his conftant Removal from Place to Place, and want of Retirement ; and complains bitterly of his Unworthinefs, Deadnefs, ^c.^- He came to l^ew-iork on Wednefday, March 28. And to Elizabeth-Town on the Satur- day following, where itfeems he waited 'till the Commiflioners came together.] -..Txr t Thurfday, April 5. Was agam much exercifed with Weak- nefs, and with Pain in my Head. Attended on the Cominiffio- ners in their Meeting. * Refolved to go onftili with the Indtan AfFair if divine Providence permitted -, altho' I had before felt fome Inclination to go to Eajl-Hampioriy where I was folicited ° pAfter this, he continued two or three Days in the Jerfeys^ very ill ; and then returned to New-Tor k ; and from thence into JSIeiQ- England 5 and went to his nativeTown of Haddam : where * The IndiuHS at Kaunaumeek being but few inNumber,and Mr. Brainerd having now been labouring among them about a Year, and having prevailed upon them to be willing to leave Kaunaumeek, and remove to Stockbridge, to live con- ftantly undcrMr.^flr^^flffit'sMiniftry ; he thought he might DOW do more Service for Chrift among the Miam clfe- where : And therefore went this Journey to New-Jerjey to lay the Matter before the CommiiHoners ; who met at Elizabeth^Town, on this Occafion, and determined that he fhould forthwith leave Kaunaumsek, and go to the De- iaware Indians* , . 4 By the Invitations Mr. Brainerd had lately received, M appears, that it was not from Necefrity,or for want of Op- portunities to fettle in the Miniftry amongft ihttngUJb, iiQtwithftanding theDifgrace he had been laid under at6./- /^^^, that lie was determine^-l^orfake all the outward Commons to be enioyed in --ie\E«^^> Settlements, to go and fpend his Life 'iioioog the brutifh Savag^i, and endure he arrived on Saturday, JJpril 14. — And he continues fiill hij bitter Complaints of want of Retirement. While he was in Nnu-Tork, he fays thus, " Oh, 'tis not the Plea/ures of the *' World can Comfort me ! 2/ God deny his Pre fence, what an «« the Pleafures of the City to me? One Hour of fweet Retire- <« ment where God is, is better than the whole IVorld.'^ And he continues to cry out of his Ignorance, Meannefs, and Unwor- thmefs. However, he fpeaks of fome Seafons of fpecial Affift- ^nce and divine Sweetnefs.— He fpent fome Days among his Friends at Ea/i- Hampton and Millington.] Tued^Yy jprii ij. Rode to Millington again ; and felt perplex'd when 1 fet out ; Was feeble in Body, and weak in f'aith. I was going to preach a Le6ture ; and fear'd I fhould jiever have Allifiance enough to get thro*. But contriving to ride alone, at- a Diftance from the Company that was going, X fpent the Time in lifting up my Heart to Gcd : Had not gone far before mySoul was abundantlyftrengthen'd withthofcV/ords, the Difficulties and Self-denials of an Indian Mijfton. He bad, juit as he was leaving Kaunaumeeky had an earneft In- vitation to a Settlement THiEaft- Hampton on Long- JJIandyihc faireft pleafanteft Town on the whole Ifland,and one of its largeft and moft wealthy Parifties. The People there were unanimous in their Defires to have him for their Paftor, and for a long Time continued in an earncft Purfuit of what they defired, and were hardly brought to relinquifh theirEndeavours and give up theirHopes of obtaining him. Befides thelnvitation he had ioMillingion ; which was near bis native Town, and in the midft of his Friends. Nor did Mr. Braincrd chufe the Bufmefs of a MilHonary to the Indian, rather than accept of thofe Ijivitations, becaufe he was unacquainted with the Difficulties andSufferings which attended fuch aService : for he had hadExperience of thefe Difficulties in Summer and Winter ; having fpent about a Twelve- Month in a lonely Defert among thefe Savages, where he bad gone through extream Hardfhips, and been theSubjecl of aTrain of outward and in wardSorrows, which were now frefh in his Mind, Notwithflanding all thefe Things, he chofe fliJl to go on with thij Bufinefs ; and that al(ho* the Place he was now going to, was at a flill much greater Diftance from moft ef his Friends^ Acquain- tance, and natJve Land^ 1/ of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D.1744. 107 IfGoii he for us, who can be againft us P I went on, confiding in God ; and fearing nothing fo much as Self-Confidence. In this Frame I went to the Houfe of God, and enjoyed fo me Affiftance. Afterwards felt the Spirit of Love and Meeknefs in Converfation with fome Friends. Then rode Home to my Brother's : And in the Evening, Tinging Hymns with Friends, my Soul feem'd to melt : And in Prayer afterwards, enjoyed the Exercife of Faiih^znd was enabled to be fertj^nt inspirit : Found more of God's Prefence, than I have done any Time in my late wearifom Journey. Eternity appcar'd very near : My Nature was very weak, and feem'd ready to be dilTolved : The Sun declining, and the Shadows of the Evening drawing on apace. O I long'd to fill up the remaining Moments all forGod ! Tho' my Bo6y was fo fe-eble, and wearied with Preaching, and much private Converfation, yet I wanted to fit up all Night to da fomething for God. To God, the Giver of thefe Refreftiments, be Glory forever and ever ; Amen. Wednefday, -^przV 18. Was very weak, and enjoyed but little fpiritualComfort. Was exercifed withOne cavilling againfl Original Sin, May the Lord open his Eyes to fee the Fountain of Sin in himfelf. [ After thi», he vifited feveral Minifters in Conneaicut ; and then travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sergeant's Sit Stockbridgey Thurfday, April j6. He performed this Journey in a very weak State of Body. The Things he fpeaks of in the meanTime, appertaining to the Frames and Exercifes of his Mind,are at fome Times Deadnefs and a being void of fpiritual Comfort, at other Times refling in God, fpiritual Sweetnefs in Converfation, Engagednefs in Meditation, on the Road, Affift- ance in Preaching, Rejoycing to think that {o much more of his Work was done,and he fo much nearer to the eternalWorld. And he once and again fpeaks of a Senfe of great Ignorance, fpiritual Pollution ^c."] Friday and Saturday, Jpril 27, and 28. Spent fome Time in viliting Friends, and difcourfing with my People (who were now moved down from their own Place to Mr. Sargeant's) and found thera very glad to fee me returned. Was Exercis'd in my Mind with a Senfe of my own Unworthlnefs. Lord's-Day, Jpril 29. Preach'd for Mr. Sargeant, hothF^ts ©f the Day, from Rev» xiv, 4. Enjoyed fome Freedom in Preaching, tho* not much Spirituality. In the Evening, my Heart was in fome Meafure lifted up in Tftankfukcfs to God for any Aiiiftance^. Moisdaji xo8 ^/. 27. r^^LIFE Monday, Jpril 30. Rode toKaunaumsd^hut was extreamly 111 : Did not enjoy the Comfort I hoped for in my own Houfe. Tuefday, May i. Having received new Orders to go to a Number of Indians on Delaware River in Penfylvania^ and my People here being moftly removed to Mr. Sergeant'By I this Day took all my Cloaths, Books, i^c. and difpofed of them, and fet out for Delaware River : But made it my Way to return toMr. Sargeant's : Which I did this Day, juft aiNight. Rodefeveral Hours in the Rain thro* the howling Wildernefs, altho* I was fo difordered in Body, that little or nothing but Blood came from me. [ He continued at Stockhid^e^thc next Day ; and on Thurf- day rode a little Way, to Sheffield^ under a great Degree of lllnefs ; but with Encouragement andChearfulnefs of Mind un- der his Fatigues. On Friday, he rode to Salifiury, and con- tinued there 'till after the Sabbath. He fpeaks of hisSoul's being, fome Part of this Time, refrefh'd in Converfation with fome Chriflian Friends, about their heavenly Home and their Journey thither. At other Times, he fpeaks of himfelf as exceedingly perplexed with Barrennefs and Deadncfs, and has this Exclama- tion, Oh, that Time Jhould pafs with fo little done for God /—On Monday, he rode to Sharon ; and fpeaks ©f himfelf as diftrefs'd at the Confideration of the Mifimprovement of Time.] Tuefday, Moy 8. Set out from Sharon in Conne^icut^ and travelJed about 45 Miles to a Place called the Fijh-Kiiy f and lodg'd there. Spent much of my Time,while riding,in Prayer, that God w»uld go with me to Delaware. My Heart fometimes was ready to fink with the Thoughts of my Work, and going alone in the Wildernefs, I knew not where : But flili it was comfortable,to think, that others of God'sChildren had wander^ ed about in Caves and Dens of the Earth ; and .Abraham, when he was called to go forth, went out not knowing whither he went* O that I might follow after God. [ The next D^y, he went forward on his Journey ; crofsM Iiudfon*s River, and Vv^ent to GiiP)en in the Highlands ; and fo travelled a-crofs the Woods, (rom Hud/on' s River to Delaware^ about an 100 Miles, through a defulate and hideous Country, above New-Jerfty ; v;here were very fewScttlements : In which Journey he fuffefed much Fatigue and Hardfhip. He vifited t A Place fo called in 'New-York Governmcntjncar HudjonH River i on the VV eft fide of the River. fome of Mr, David Bralnerd, A.D.1744': 109 fomS Indians in the Way, t and difcourfed with them conccrn- ingChriftianity. Was confiderably Melancholy andDifconfolate, being alone in a ftrange Wildernefs. On Saturday, he came to a Settlement of Iri/h and Dutch People,about 12 Miles above the Forks of Delaware. ] Lord's- Day, Ma^ 13. Rofe early : Felt very poorly after my long Journey, and after being wet and fatigued. Was very Melancholy ; have fcarce ever feen fuch a gloomy Morning in my Life ; there appeared to be no Sabbath ; the Children were all at Play ; I a Stranger in the Wildernefs, and knew not where to go ; and all Circumftances feem'd to confpire to render my AfFairsdark and difcouraging. Was difappointed refpeiling aa Interpreter^ and heard that ihe Indians were much fcatter'd, &c. Oh, I mourned after the Prefence of God, and feem'd like a Creature banifh'd from his Sight ! Yet he was pleafed to fupport my finking Soul, amidft all my Sorrows ; fo that I never enter- tained any Thought of quitting my Bufinefs among the poor Indians; but was comforted, to think, that Death would 'ere long fet me free from thefeDiftrefTes.-— Rode about 3 or 4 Miles to the Jrijh Peeple, where I found feme that appeared Sober and concerned about Religion. My Heart then began to be a little encouraged : VVent and preach'd, firfl to the Jri/b, and then to the Jndians : And in the Evening, was a little comforted ; my Soul feem'd to reft on God, and take Courage. O that the Lord would be my Support and Comforter in an Evil World. Monday, May 14. Was very bufy in fome neceflary Studies, Felt my felf very loofe from all the World : All appeared Fj«//v end Vexation of Spirit. Seem'd fomething loncfom and difcon- folate, as if 1 was banifli'd from all Mankind, and bereaved of all that is called pleafurable in the World : But appeared to my felf fo vile and unworthy, it feem'd fitter for me to be here than any where. Tuefday, May 15. • Still much engaged in my Studies ; and enjoyed more Health, than I have forfomeTime pafl : But was fomething dejected in Spirit with a Senfe of my Meannefs ; feem'd as if 1 could never do any Thing at aJI to any good Pur- pofe by Reafon of Ignorance and Folly. O that a Senfe of ihefe Things might work more habitual Humility in my Soul. f See Mr. Brainerd*s Narrative in a Letter to Mr. Pemherton^ at the the End of his Oidinstion-Sermon,— Pa^e 32, 33. I tie [ He continued much in the fame Frame the next Day.] Thurfday, May 17. Was this Day greatly diftrefs'd with a Senfe o/my Vilenefs : Appeared to my felf too bad to walk on (god's Earth, or to be treated with Kiifdnefs by any of hisCrea- tures. God was pleafed to let me fee my inward Pollution and Corruption, to fuch a Degree, that I aknoft defpair'd of being made holy : Oh ! wreUhid Man that 1 am ! U^ho /hall deliver me from the Body of this Death? In the Afternoon, met with the Indians according to Appointment, and preach'd to them* And while riding to them, my Soul feem'd to confide in God 5 and afterwards had fome Relief; and Enlargement (Jf Soul in Prayer, and fome AfHflance in the Duty of Interccflion : Vital Piety and Holinefs appear'd fweet to me, and I longed for the Ferfe£tion of it. Friday, May 18. Felt again fomething of the fweet Spirit of Religion ; 2nd my Soul feera'd to confide in God5that he would never leave me.— But oftentimes faw my felf fo mean a Crea- ture, that I knew not hovi^ to think of Preaching. O that I could alv.'ays live to and vpon GoD. Saturday, May 19. "Was, fome Part of the Time, greatly cpprefs'd with the vVeight andBurden of my Work : It feem'd impoiTible for me ever to go thro' with the Bufinefs I had under- takes. —TowardsNight, was very calm and comfortable 3 And I think, my Soul trufted in God for Help. Lord's-Day, May 20. Preach'd twice to the poor Indians.^ and enjoyed (ovnt Freedom in fpeaking, while I attempted to remove theirPrejudices againfl Chriftianity. My Soul longed for AfTiftance from above, all the while ; for I faw 1 had no Strength fnfiicient for that Work. Afterwards, preach'd to the Irijk People : Was much affifted in the firft Prayer, and fomething in Sermon. Several Terfons feem'd much concerned for their Souls, with whom Idifcourfed afterwards with much Freedom and fome Power. Blefied be GvnJ for any AfHfiance afforded to art unworthy Worm. O tkat I could live to him I [ Thro* the reft of this Week, He vvas fometimes ready to fink with a Senfe of hi« unworthinefs and unfitncfs for the Work of the Miniftry ; and fome'iroes encouraged and lifted above his Fears and Sorrows, and was enabled confidently to rely on God ; and efpecialiy on Saturday, towards Night, he enjoyed Calmnefs and Compof'ure, aiid Afliffance in Prayer to God. He rejoyced (as he fays) That Gcd remains unchangeably powerful and faithful^ a fure and fufficier,t Poriioriy and the DiveUing- Place cf his Childrin in aUCsnirati^ns-^ Lord's* of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1 744: 1 1 i Lord's- Day, May 27. Vifited my Indians^ in theMominor, and attended upon zPuneral among them : Was afFe£ted to fee their heaihenijh Praiiices. O that they might be turned from Dsrknefs to Light, Afterwards, got a confiderable Number of them together, and preach'd to them ; and obferved them Very attentive. After this, preach'd to the White People from Meh. ii. 3. Was enabled to fpeak with fome Freedom and Power : Several People fecm'd much concerned for theirSouIs ; efpecially one who had been educated a Roman Catholick. BlefTed be the Lord for any Help. Monday, May 28. Set out from the Indians above the Forks of Delaware, on a Journey towards Newark in New- Jerjey, according to my Orders. Rode thro* the Wildernefs ; was much fatigued with the Heat ; lodged at a Place called Black-River -, v/as exceedingly tired and worn out. [ On Tuefday, he came to Newark : The next Day, went to Eli [ah eth 'Town : On Thurfday, he went toNew-Tork ; and on Friday returned to Jilifabeth-Town, Thefe Days were fpent in fome Perplexity of Mind. Pie continued at Elifabeth- Town 'tillFridayin theWeek following .Wasenliven'd,refrefh*d and ftrengthen'd on the Sabbath at theLord'sTable.The enfuing Days of the Week were fpent chiefly in Studies preparatory to his Ordination ; and on fome of them he Teemed to have much of God's gracious Prefence, and of the fw^eet Influences of his Spirit ; but was in a very weak State of Body, On Satur- day, he rode to Newark.'] Lord's-Day, June 10. [ at Newark] In the Morning,wa3 much concerned how I ftiould perform the Work of the Day ; and trembled at the Thoughts of being left to my felf.— - En- joyed very confiderable Affiftance in all Parts of the publick Service. Had an Opportunity again to attend on the Ordinance of the Lord's-Supper, and thro* divine Goodnefs was refrefh'd in it : My Soul was full of Love and Tendernefs towards the Children of God, and towards all Men : Felt a certain Sweet- ncfs Of Dirpofition towards every Creature. At Night, I en- joyed more Spirituality, and fweet Defire of Holinefs, than I have felt for fome Time : Was afraid of every Thought and every Motion Jeft thereby myHeart fliould be drawn away from God. O that I might never leave the blefied God. Lord, in thy Prefence ii Fulnefs of Joy. O the BleiTednefs of living to God ! Q^ Monday, 112 Muif. ne LIFE Monday, June ii. This Day ihtPrefbyUry met together at iSlewark^ in order to my Ordinatkn, Was very weak and diforder*d in Body ; yet endeiivoured to lepofe my Confidence in God. Spciit moft of rhe Day alone; efpecially the Fore- noon. At three in the Afternr on preach'd my Probation- Ser- mon, from A6i. xxvi. 17, 18. being a Text given me for that End. Felt not well, either in Body or Mind ; hovi^ever, God carried me thro' rommrLably. Afterwards, pafs'd an Exami- nation before the Prefbncry. Was much tired, and my Mind burden'd with the Greatnefs of that Charge, [ was in the mofl folemn Manner about to take upon me : My Mind was fo prefs'd with the Weight of the Work incumbent upon me, that I could not Heep this Night, tho' very weary and in great need of Refl. Tuefday, June 12* Was this Morning further examined, refpe£tingmy Experimental Acquaintance with Chriflianity. * At ten o'clock my Ordination was attended : The Sermon preach'd by the Rev. Mr. Pemherton. At this Time I was af- fected v/ith a Senfe of the important Trull committed to me ; yet was Compofed, and folemn, without Diftradlion .* And I hope, I then ( as many Times bufore) gave my felt up to God, to be for him, and not for another. O that I might always be engaged in the Service of (lod^and duly remember the folemn Charge I have receivei, in ihe Prefence of God, Angels and Men ; Amen : May I b^ aiTifted of, God for this Purpofe.— Towards Night, rode to El'fabeth-Toivn. Mr. Pemherton, in a Letter to the Honourable Society in Scotland that employedMr. Brainerd, which he wrote con- cerning him, ( publifhed in Scciland,\nthe Chrijiian month' ly Hi/hry ) writes thus, " We can with PJeafi.re fay, that *' Mr. Brainerd pafs'd thro' his Ordination-Trials, to the «' univerfal Approbaf-rn of the Pr/y^;;/^r^, and appeared *« uncomnunlv qualified for the Work of the Miniftry. «' He fceniG to be armed with a great deal of Self-deniaJ, *« and animated v/iih a noble Zeal to propagate the Gofpel *< among tJufe barbarous Nations, who have long dwelt <* in the Darknefs of Heathenifm. PART of Mr* David Bralnerd. A.D. 1 744, 1 1 3 Part VI. From his Ordination, 'till he firji began to preach to the Indians at Crofweekfung, afnong whom he had his mojl remarkable Succefs. WEdnefday, June 13. Spent fome confiderable Time in writing an Actount of the Indian Affairs to go to Scot- land ', fpent fome Time in Converfation with Friends ; But enjoy 'd not much Sweetnefs and Satisfadtion. Thurfday, June 14. Received fome particular Kindnefs from Friends ; and wondered, that God fhould open the Hearts of any to treat m€ with Kindnefs : Saw my felf to be unworthy of any Favour,frora God, or any of my Fellow- Men. Was much exercifed with Pain in my Head ; however determined to fet out on my Journey towards Delaware in the Afternoon : But in theAfternoon my Pain increafed exceedingly ; fo that 1 was ob- liged to bctajce my felf to theBed ; and theNight following, was greatly diftr efs'd "withPain andSicknefs : Was fometimes almoft bereaved of the Exercife of Reafon by the Extremity of Pain. Continued muchDiftrefs'd 'till Saturday ; when I v/as fome^hii^ relieved by an Emetick : But was unable to walk abroad 'till the Monday following, in the Afternoon ; and ftill remained very feeble. I often admired the Goodnefs of God, that he did not fufFef me to proceed on my Journey from this Place where I was fo tenderly ufed,and to be Sick by the Way among Strangers. — God is very gracious to me, both in Health and Sicknefs, and intermingles much Mercy with ail my AfHi£lions and Toils. Enjoyed fome Sweetnefs in Things divine, in the midft of my Fain and Weaknefs. Ob, that I cpuld praife the Lord. 0^2 iQn :ii4 ^t. 27. 7;^^ LIFE [ On Tuefday, June 19. He fet out on his Journey Home, and in three Days reached his Place, near the Forks of Dela- ware. Performed thejourney under much Wcaknefs of Body ; but had Comfort in his Soul, from Day to Day : And both his Weaknefs of Body^and Confolation of Mind continued through the Week.] Lord's-Day, June 24. Extreamly Feeble ; fcarce able to walk : However, vifited my hdiansy and took much Pains to infhu6t.them : Laboured v/ith Tome that were much difaf- Ud.t^ to Chriflianity. MyMind was much burden'd with the Weight and DifHculty of my Work. My whole Dependance and Hope of Succefs feemM to be on (god s who alone 1 faw could make them willing to receive Inflrudion. l(, My Faith was much ftrengthenM, by obferving the wonderful ^/ilfr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1744, 115 wonderful Alliftance God afforded his Servants Nekemiah and Ezra^ in reforming his People, and re-e(hblifhing his antient Church. I was much aflifted in Prayer for dear Chriftian Friends, and for others that I apprehended to be Chriftlefs ; but was more efpecially concerned for the poor Heathen, and thofe of my own Chaige : Was enabled to be inftant in Prayer for them ; and hoped that God would bow the Heavens and come down for their Salvation. It feem'd to me, there could be no Impediment fufEcient to obftrucl that glorious Work, feeing the living God, as I ftrongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in a folemn Frame, lifting up my Heart to God for Afliftance, and Grace, that 1 might be more mortified to this prefent World, that my whole Soul might be taken up conti- nually in Concern for the Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom : Longed that God would purge me more, that I might be as a chofen Veflel to bear hisName among the Heathens. Continued in this Frame 'till I drop'd afleep. Wednefday, June 27. Felt fomething of the fame folemn Concern, and Spirit of Prayer, that I enjoy'd laft Night, foon after I rofe in the Morning. — In the Afternoon, rode feveral Miles to fee if I could procure any Lands for the poor Indians^ that they might live together, and be under better Advantages for Inftrudlion. While I was riding, had a deep Senfe of the Greatnefs and Difficulty of my Work ; and my Soul feemed to rely wholly upon God for Succefs, in the diligent and faith- ful ufe of Means. Saw, with greatcft Certainty, that the Arm of the Lord muft be revealed^ for the Help of thefe poor Hea- then, if ever they were delivered from the Bondage of thePow- ers of Darknefs. Spent mofi:,of the Time, while riding, in lifting up my Heart for Grace and Afliftance. Thurfday, June 28. Spent the Morning, in reading feveral Partsof the Holy Scripture, and in fervent Prayer for my /«- diam^ that God would fet up his Kingdom among them, and bring them into his Church. — About nine, I withdrew to Biy ufual Place of Retirement in the Woods 5 and there again enjoyed fome Afliftance in Prayer. My great Concern was for the Converfion of the Heathen t(5 God ; and the Lord helped me to plead with him for it. Towards Noon, rode up to the Jndiansy in order to preach to 'em ; and while going, my Heart v/ent up to God in Prayer for 'em ; could freely tell God, He knew that the Caufe was not mine, which I was engaged in ; but it was his own Caufe, and it would be for his own Glory to convert the poor Indians ; And bleflcd be GodjI felt no Defire oi ii6 J?/. 27. ITZ'fLIFE of theirConverfion^that I might rec€lveHo;iour from theWorld, as being the Inftrumenc of it. Had feme Freedom in fpeejcing to the Indians, [ The next Day, he fpeaks of fome ferious Concern for the Kingdom of the ble/led Redeemer ; but complains much of Barrennefsj Wandtings, Inadtivity, i^c. ] Saturday, June 30. My Soiil was njuch Solemnized in read- ing God's Word ; efpecially the ninth Chapter of Daniel. I faw how God hajd called out his Servants to Prayer, and made them wreftle with him, when he d^figned to beftow any great Mer- cy on his Church. And alas, I was afhamed of my fejf*, to think of myDulnefs and Ina6tivity,when there feemed to be fo much to do for the upbuilding of Zion. Oh, how does Zion lie wafte^! \ longed, that the Church of God might be enlarged : Was ena- bled to pray, I think, in Faith : My Soul feem*d fenfibly to confide in God, and was enabled to wreftle with him. After- wards, walk'd Abroad to a Place of fweet Retirement, and en- joyed fame AiTiftance In Prayer again : Had a Senfe of my great need of divine Help, and felt my Soul fenfibly depend on God, BlefTed be God, this has been a comfortable Week to me. Lord's- Day jfuly i. In the Morning, was perplexed with wandring vain Thoughts : Was much grieved, judged and condemned my felf before God. And Oh, how mifecable did I feel, becaufe f could not live toGod ! At ten, rode away with a heavy Heart, to preach to my Indians. Upon the Road, I attempted to lift up my Heart to God ; but v/as infefted with an unfcttled wandring Frame of Mind ; and was exceeding reltbsfs and perplex'd, and fill'd with Shame and Confufion be- fore God. 1 feem'd to my felf to be more hrutifo than any Man ; and thought, none deferved to be cafi out of God'% Prefenceio much as I, If I attempted to lift up my Heart toGod, as I frequently did by the VVay, on a fudden, before [ was aware, my Thouahts were wandring to the Ends of the Earth : And my Soul was fiird with Surprize andAnxiety, to find it thus. Thus alfo afterl came to iht Indians ^mvM'md was confufed ; and I felt nothing fenfibly of that fweet Reliance on God, that my Soul has been comforted with in Days pafl. Spent the Forenoon in this Pofture of Mind, and prcach'd to the Indians without any Heart. In the Afternoon, I felt ftill barren, when I began to preach ; and after about half an Hour, I feem'd to my felf to know nothing, and to have nothing to f^«y to the Indians ; but fotn of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. s 744, 1 1 7 foon after, 1 found in my felf a Spirit of Love, and Warmth^ and Power to addrefs the poor Indians ; and God helped me to plead with them to turn from all the Vamim of the Heathen^ to the living God : And I am perfwaded, the Lord touched their Confciences ; fori never faw fuch Attention raifed in thera be- fore. And wheh I came away from them, I fpent the whole Time whiJe 1 was riding to my Lodgings, three Miles diflant, in Prayer and Praife to God. And after I had rode more than two Miles, it came into my Mind to dedicate my felf to God again ; which I fiifl waking Minutes in Prayer for Sandification, that my Soul might be wafh'd from its exceeding Pollution and Defile- ment. After 1 arofe, ! fpcnl feme Time in readingGod's Word and t)f Mr. David Brainerd: A.D. 1 744; 119 and Prayer : I cried to God under a Senfe of my great Indigen- cy. — I am, of late, moft of all concerned for Minifterial Quali- iications, and the Converfion of the Heathen : Laft Year, I longed to be prepared for a World oi Glory ^ and fpeedily to de- part outof this World ^ but of late all my Concern almoft is for the Converfion of the Heathen 5 and for thatEnd, I long to live. But blefTed be God, I have lefs defire to live for any of the Pleafures of the World, than ever I had : I long and love to be a Pilgrim ; and want Grace to imitate the Life, Labours and SuiFerings of St. Paul among the Heathen. And when I long for Holinefs now,it is not fomuch for my felf as formerly ; but rather that thereby I may become an able Minijier of tht New-Te/iament, efpecially to the Heathen. Spent about two Hours this Morning inReading and Prayer by Turns 5 and was in a watchful tender Frame, afraid of every Thing that might cool my Affe6lions, and draw away my Heart from God. Was fomething flrengthen'd in my Studies j but near Night was very weak and weary. Saturday, July 7. Was very much difordered tbisMorning, and my Vigour all fpent and exhaufted : But was aiFedeJ and refrefh'd in reading the fweet Story of Elijah's Tranllation,and enjoyed feme AfFeiSlion and Fervency in Prayer ; longed much for Minifterial Gifts and Graces, that I might do fomeihing in the Caufe of God. Afterwards was rcfrefh'd and invigorated, while readingMr. Jofeph AlUine^ s firftCafeofConfciencej^t.and enabled then to pray with fome Ardour of Soul, and was afraid of Carelefnefs and Self-Confidence, and longed for Holinefs. LordVDay, July 8. Was ill laft Night, not able to reft quietly. Had fome fmall Degree of Afliftance in preaching to the Indians ; and afterwards was enabled to preach to the White People with fome Power, efpecially in the Clofe of my Difcourfe from Jer, iii. 23. The Lord alfo affifted me in feme MeafuVe in the firft Prayer : Blefled be his Name. Near Night, tho* very weary, was enabled to read God's Word with fome fweet Reliih of it, and to pray with AfFea, R V/as 120 Mt. 27. fJtf LIFE Was enabled to cry to God with a Child-like Spirit, and iQ continue inftant in Prayer for fome Time. Was much enlarged in the Aveet Duty of Interceflion : Was enabled to remember great Numbers of dear Friends, and precious Souls, as well as Chrift's Minifters. Continued in this Frame, afraid of every idle Thought, 'till I drop'd afleep. Monday, July g. Was tinder much Illnefs of Body moft of the Day, and not able to fit up the whole Day. TowardsNight, felt a little better. Then fpent fome Time in reading God's Word and Prayer ; Enjoy'd fome Degree of Fervency and Af- fe£lion : VVas enabled to plead with God for his Caufe and Kingdom : And, thro' divine Goodnefs, It was apparent to me that it was his Caufe I pleaded for, and not my own : And wa3 enabled to make this an Argument with God to anfwer my Requefis. Tuefday, jful^ 10. Was very ill and full of Pain, and very dull and fpiritlefs.— - In the Evening, had an afFecSling Senfe of my Ignorance, i^c» and of my need of God at all Times, to do every Thing for me ; and mv Soul was humbled before God. Wednefday, Ja/y ir. Was ftill exercifcd with Illnefs and Pain. Had fome Degree of Aifedion and Warmth in Pray- er and reading God's Word : Long'd for Abraham'% Faith and Fellowfhip with God ; and felt fome Refolution to fpend all my Time for God, and to exert ray felf with more Fervency in bis Service j but found my Body weak and feeble. In the Afternoon, tho* very ill, was enabled to fpend fome confidcrable Time inPrayer ; fpent indeed moft of theDay in that Exercife ; and my Soul was diffident, watchful and tender, left 1 fhould cfFend my bleiled Friend, in Thought or Behaviour. 1 am perfwaded my Soul confided in, and lean'd upon the blefTedGod. Oh, what need did I fee my felf to ftand in of God at all Times, to aflift me and lead me [---Found a great want of Strength and Vigour, both in the outward and inner Man. [ TheExercifes andExperiences,that he fpeaks of in the next nineDay3,arc verySimilar to thofeof the prcceedingDays,of this and the forefroing Week ; aSenfeof his own Weaknefs, Igno- .rance» Unprofifablentfs, and V^iienefs ; loathing and abhorring Iijmfelf ; Self-diffidence ; Scnfe of the Grcatnefs of his Work, and his great need of divine Help, and the extream Danger of Self-ConfiJence ; longing for Holinefs and Humility, and to be fifted for his Work ; and to live toGod ; and longing for the Conveifion of the Indians ; aad thefe Things to a very great Degree. J # Saturday, of Mr. David Bralnerd. A.D. 1 744; 1 2 r Saturday, y«i;; 21. This Morning, was greatly opprefled with Guilt and Shame, from a Senfe of inward Vilenefs and Pollution. About nine, withdrew to the Woods for Prayer ; but had not much Comfort ; I appeared to my felf the vileft meaneft Creature upon Earth, and could fcarcely live with my felf; fo mean and vile I appeared, that 1 thought I (hould never be able to hold up my Face in Heaven, if God of his infinite Grace fhould bring me thither. Towards Night my Burden refpe6ling my Work among xhtlndiam began to increafe much 5 and was aggravated ^by hearing fundry Things that look'd very difcouraging, in particular that they intended to meet together the next Day for an idolatrous Feaji and Dance. Then I began to be in Anguifh : I thought I muft in Confcience go and en- deavour to break them up ; and knew not how to attempt fuch a Thing. However I withdrew for Prayer,hoping forStrength from above. And in Prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my Soul was as much drawn out as ever I remember it to have been in my Life, or near. I was in fuch Anguifli, and pleaded with fo much Earncftnefs and Importunity, that when 1 rofe from my Knees I felt extreamly weak and overcome, I could fcarcely walk ftrait, mv Joints were loofed, the fweat ran down my Face andBody, &Nature feem'd as if it would difTolve. So far as I could judge, I was wholly free Uova felfiJI) Ends in fpy ferventSupplications for the poor Indians, 1 knew, they were met together to worfhip Devils^ and not God ; and this made me cry earneflly, that God would now appear, and help me in my Attempts to break up this idolatrous Meeting. My Soul pleaded long ; and I thought, God would hear, and would go with me to vindicate his own Caufe : I feem'd to conftde in God for his Prefencc and AfHftance. And thus I fpent the Evening, praying incefiantly for divine Afliftance, and that I might not be Self-dependent, but liill have my whole Depen- dance upon God. What I pafs'd thro' was remarkable, and indeed inexpreflible. All Things here below vanifh'd ; and there appeared to be nothing of any confiderable Importance to me, but Holinefs of Heart and Life, and the Converfion of the Heathen to God. All my Cares, Fears and Defires, which might be faid to be of a worldly Nature, difappeared ; and were, in my Efteem, of little more Importance than a PufFof Wind. I exceedingly long' d, that God would ^^^ iohvmfelfa Name among the Heathen : And I appeal'd to him with the greateft Freedom, that he knew I perfer'd him akovtmy chief Joy* Indeed, I had noNotion of Joy from this World ; 1 cared R 2 not 122 Mt. 27. The l.\¥E not where or how Hived, or what Hardfhips I weht thro' ; fo that 1 could but gain Souls ia Christ. I contiwued in this Frame all the Evening and Night. While I was aflcep, I dream'd of thefe Things ; and when \ waked (as I frequently did) the firft Thing I thought of was this great Work of plead- ing for God againlt Satan, LordVDay, yw/>22. When I waked, my Soul was bur- dened with what feemcd to be before me : I cried to God, be* fore I could get out of my Bed : And as foon as I was drefs'd, I withdrew into the Woods, to pour out my burdened Soul to God, efpecially forAfliftance in my great Work ; for I could fcarcely think of any Thing elfe : And cnjoyod the fame Free^ dom and Fervency as the laft Evening ; and did with unfpeaka-^ ble Freedom give up my felf afrefh to God, for Life or Death, for all Hardfhips he fliould call me to among the Heathen ; and felt as if nothing could difcourage me from this blefled Work. I had a ftrong Hope, that God would boiu the Heavens and coma down^ and do fome marvellous Work among the Heathen. And when I was riding to the Indians^ three Miles, my Heart wag continually going up to God for his Prefence and Afllftance | and hoping, awd almofl expecting, thatGod would make this th& jy ay of his Power and Grace amongft the poor Indians, When I came to them, I found them engaged in their FrolUk-y but thro'divineGoodnefs 1 got them to break up, and attend to my Preaching : Yet ftill there appeared nothing of the fpccial Pow- er of God among them, Preach'd again to them in the Af- ternoon ; and obfervedjthe/wflVtfSi were mox t fot>er than before : But ftill faw nothing fpeclal among them ; from whence SaianioQik occafion to tempt and buffet me with thefe curfed Suggefiions^Ty^^re- is noGod^CM if there be, he is not able toconvert the Indians, before they had more Knowledge, t!fc. I Wwis very weak and weary, and my Soul born down with Perplexity : But was mortified to all the World, and was determined ftill to wait tjpQn God for the Converfion of the Heathen, tho* the Devil tempted me to the contrary. Monday, J^uly 23. Retain'd flill a deep and preiUng Senfe of what lay with fo much Weight upon me Yefterday : But was more calm and quiet; enjoyed Freedom and Compofure, after the Temptations of the laft Evening : Had fweet Refigna- tion to the divine Will ; and defired nothing fo much as th$ Converfion of the Heathen to God, and that hisKingdom might come in my own Heart, a^id the Hearts of others. Rode to 9 §ettlcmtnt of .ifrifi People, about 15 Mika South- Wsftwar^J -^ ^/ Mr, David Brainerd A.D. 1744. 123 foent my Time in Prayer and Meditation by the Way. Near Night, preachM from Math, v. 3.-- God was pleas d to afford me feme Degree of Freedom and Fervency. BlefTed be Godi for any Meafure of AfTiftance. Tuefday, lul^ 24- ^ode about 17 Miles Weft ward, over a hideous Mountain, to a Number of Jndiam, Got together near 20 of 'em : Preach'd to 'em in the Evening, and lodg d am-ncr them f.— Was weak, and felt Ibmething dsfconrolate : Yet a)uld have no Freedom in the Thought of any other Cir- cumftanccs or Bufmefs in Life : All my Defire was the Convi^r- fion of the Heathen, and all my Hope was in God : God does notfufferme topleafe or comfort my felf with Hopes of feemg Friends, returning to my dear Acquaintance, and enjoying worldly Comforts. . [ The next Day, he preach'd to thefe Indiam agam ; and then returned to the Irijh Settlement, and there preach'd to a numerous Congregation : There was a confiderable Appear- ance of Awakening in theCongregation. Thurfday , he returned jhome, exceedingly fatigued and fpent ; ftill in the fame Frame of Mortification to the World, and folicitous for the Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom: And on this Day he fays thus, '« I have " felt, this Week, more of the Spirit of a P^r/w on Earthy *' than perhaps ever before \ And yet fo defirous to fee Z/«7«'s «« Profperity, thatlwasnot fo willing to leave this Scene of ^' Sorrow as I ufed to be."— The two remaining Days of the Week, he was very ill, and cries out of Wandrings, ^Dulnefi., and want of fpiiitual Fervency and Sweetnefs. On the Sabbath, He was confined by Hhiefs, not able to go out to preach. After this, his lllnefs increafed upon him, and he continued very ill all the Week ; * and fays, that " he thought be never before ♦ ' endured fuch a Seafon of diftreffingWeaknefs ; and that his «« Nature was fo fpent, that he could neither ftand, fic, nor lie *« with any Quiet ; and that he was exercifed with extream «« Faintnefsand Sicknefs at his Stomach; and that his Mind ^« was as much diforder'd as his Body, feeming to be ftupid, <' and without all kind of Affedions towards allObje<5b ; and «« yet perplex'd, to think, that he lived for nothing, that preci- t See Mr. Brainerd' s Narrative at the End of his Ordinaiios Sermon^ Page 34. ^ This Week, on Tuefday, he wrote {he 4tb LttUr added at ^he End of thisAcccunt* 124 Mt.zf. 21&, vm s, facrc'd Text that 1 faw tfee Truih uf. Friday^' c/Afr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1744. 131 Friday, Octob. 26. In the Morning, my Soul was melted with a Senfe of divine Goodnefs and Mercy to fuch a vile un- worthy Worm as 1 : Delighted to lean upon Godjand place my whole Truft in him : My Soul was exceedingly grieved for Sin, and prized and longed afterHolinefs ; it wounded my Heart deeply, yet fweeily, to think how I had abufed a kind God. I longed to be perfedily Holy, that I might not grieve a gracious God ; who will continue to love, notwithftanding his Love is abufed : I longed for Holinefs more for this End, than I did for jny own Happinefs fake : And yet this was my greateft Happi- rcfs, never more to difhonour, but always to glorify the blefled God. Afterwards, rode "Up to the Indians^ in theAfternoon,^^-. [ The four next Days, he was exercifcd with much Diforder andPain of Body, with a Degree of Melancholy andGloominefs of Mind, bitterly complaining of Deadnefs andUnprofitablenefs, yet mourning and longing after God.] Wednefday, Octob. 31. Was fenfible of my Barrennefs, and Decays, in theThings of God : My Soul fail'd, when I remem- bered the Fervency | bad enjoyed at the Throne of Grace. Oh (I thought) If I could but befpiritual, warm, heavenly- minded, and affectionately breathing after God, this would be better thanLife to me ! My Soul longed exceedingly forDeath, to be loofed from this Dullnefs andBarrennefsjand made forever a£tivc in the Service of God. I feemed to live for nothing;, and to do no Good : And Oh, the Burden of fuch a Life I Ob, Death, Death, my kind Friendjhaften and deliver me from dull Mortality, and make me fpiritual and vigorous to Eternity. Thurfday, November i. Had but little Sweetnefs in divine Things. But afterwards, in the Evening, felt fome LUe, and Longings afterGod 5 I longed to be always foiemn, devout, and heavenly-minded ; & v^as afraid to leave ofFprayingJeft I fhould 9gain lofe a Senfe of the fweet Things of God. Friday, Nov, 2. Was fiird with Sorrow and Confufion, m the Morning, and could enjoy no fweet Senfe of divine Things, nor get any Relief in Prayer. Sav/ I deferved, that every one of God's Creatures fhould be let loofe upon me to be theExccutio* nets of his Wrath againft me : And yet therein I faw I deferved what I did not fear as my Portion. About Noon, rode up to ehe Indians ; and while going, could ktX no Defires for them, and even dreaded to fay any Thing to 'em ; but God was pleafed tQ give ics fome Fr eedoip* and Enlargement, aiid made the "132 ^/.27- ^^^ LIFE the Seafon comfortable to me. In the Evening,hadEnlargement in Prayer. But alas, what Comforts and Enlargements I have felt for thefe many Weeks paft, have been only tranfient & {hort ; and the greater Part of my Time has been iill*d up with Dead- nefs, or Struggles with Deadnefs, and bitter Conflicts with Cor- ruption. I have found my felf exercifed forely with fome parti- cular Things that I thought my felf moft of all freed from. And thus I have ever found it, when I have tho't theBatlle was over, and the Conqueft gained, and fo let down my Watch, the Ene- my has rifenup and done me the greateft Injury. Saturday, 'Nov. 3. I read the Life andTrials of a godly Man, and was much warm*d by it : I wondered at my paftDeadnefs ; and was more convinced of it, than ever. Was enabled to confefs and bewail my Sin before God, with Self-abhorrence. Lord's-Day, ISJov. 4. Had, I think, fome Exercife of Faith in Prayer, in the Morning : Long'd to be Spiritual. Had con- fidcrableHclp in preaching to my ^001 Indians : Was encouraged with them, and hoped that God defigned Mercy for them. [ The next Day^ f He fet out on a Journey to New-York ^ to the Meeting of the Prejhytery there ; and was gone from Home more than a Fortnight. lie feem'd to enter on this Journey with great Relu(5lance j fearing, that the Diverfions of it would prove a Means of cooling his rcligiousAfFe6lions,ashe had found m other Journeys. But yet, in thisjourney he had fome fpecial Seafons wherein he enjoyed extraordinary Evidences and Fruits of God's graciousPrefence. He was greatly fatigued and expofed in this Journey by Cold and Storms ; And when he returned from NeiV'Torkio New-Jerjey, on Friday, was taken very ill, and was detained by his Dlneis fome Time.] Wednefday, Nov. 21. Rode from Newark to Rockciticus \rx the Cold, and was almoft overcome with it. Enjoyed fome Sweetnefs in Convcrfation with dear Mr. Jones, while I dined with him : My Soul loves the People of God, and efpecially the Minifters of Jefas Chrift, who feel the fame Trials that I do. Thurfday, Nov. 22. Came on my Way from Rockciticus to Dilaware River. Was very much difordered with a Cold and Pain in my Head. About 6 at Night, I loft my Way in the On this Day he concluded his Narrative^ that is at the Fnd of his Ordination Sermon* Wildernefs, of Mr. David Brainerd, ;A.D. 1 744. 'J ^ ^ Wildernefs, and wandered over Rocks and Mountains, down hideousSteeps, thro' Swamps, and moft dreadful and dangerous Places ; And the Night being dark, fo that few Stars could be feen, I was greatly expofed ; Was much pinch*d with Cold, and diftrefsM with an extream Pain in my Head, attended with Sicknefs at my Stomach ; fo that every Step I took was diftrcf- fing to me. I had little Hope for feveral Hours together, but that I muft lie out in the Woods all Night, in this diftrefled Cafe. But about 9 o'Clock, I found a Houfc, thro' theabun- dantGoodnefs of God, and was kindly entertained. Thus I have frequently beeq expofed, & fometimeslain out the whole Night : but God has hitherto preferved me ; and blefTed be his Name. Such Fatigues and Hardfhips as thefe ferve to wean me more from the Earth ; and, I truft, will make Fleaven the fweeter. Formerly, when I was thus expofed to Cold, Rain, ^c* I was ready to pleafe my felf with the Thoughts of enjoying a com- fortable Houfe, a warm Fire, and other outward Comforts; but now thefe have lefs Place in my Heart ( thro' the Grace of God ) and my Eye is more to God for Comfort. In this World I exped Tribulation ; and it does not now, as formerly, appear ilrange to me ; I don't in fuch Seafons of Difficulty flatter my felf that it will be better hereafter ; but rather think, how much worfe it might be ; how much greater Trials others of God's Children have endured ^ and how much greater are yet per- haps refer ved for me. Blefled be God, that he makes the Thoughts of my Journey's End and of my DifTolution a great Comfort to me,under my fharpeftTrials ; & fcarce ever lets thefe Thoughts be attended with Terror or Melancholy s but they are attended frequently with great Joy. Friday, Nov, 23. Vifited a Tick Man ; difcourfed and pray'd with him. Then vifited another Houfe, where was one dead and laid out ; look'd on the Corps, 'and longed that my Time might come to depart^ that I might be zvith Chrijf, Then went home to my Lodgings, about one o'Clock. Felt poorly ; but was able to read, moft of the Afternoon. [ Within the Space of the next twelve Days, he paffed under many Changes in the Frames and Exercifes of his Mind. He had many Seafons of the fpecial Influences of God's Spirit, animat- ing, invigorating, and comforting him in the Ways of God and Duties of Religion ; but had fome Turns of great Dejection and Melancholy. He fpent much Tirae, within this Space, in hard'Labour, with others, to make for himfelf a little Cottage . 134 ^^. 27: «^ LIFE or Hutjto live in by hinifelf thro' the Winter, Yet he frequently preached to thelndians^Si fpeaks offpecial Afliftance he had from Time to Time, in addreflinghimfelf to them ; And of his fomc" times having confiderableEncouragementjfrom theAttention they gave. ButonTuefdayZ)^f^w^.4. he vi^as funk into greatDifcou- ragement, to fee 'em ( moft of 'em ) going in Company to an idolatrous Fea/f and Dance^ after he had taken abundant Pains with them to difTwade 'em from thefe Things. ] Thurfday, Decemh. 6. Having now a happy Opportunity of being retired in a Houfe of my own, which I have lately procur- ed and moved into, and confidering that it is now a long Time fmce I have been able, either on Account of bodily Weaknefs, or for waat of Retirement, or fomc other Difficulty, to fpend any Time in fecret Faffing and Prayer ; confidering alfo the greatnefsofmyWork, and the extream Diflicuities that attend it : And that my poor Indians are now worjhipping Devils^ not- withftandingall the Pains I have taken with them, which almofi overwhelms my Spirit : Moreover, confidering my extremeBar- renncfs, fpiritual Deadnefs and Dejedion, of late ; as alfo the Pov/er of fome particular Corruptions ; I fat apart this Day for fecret Prayer and Fafting, to implore the BlefTing of God on my fclf, on ray poor People, on my Friends, and on the Church of God. At firff, I felt a great Backwardnefs to the Duties of the Day, on Account of the feeming Impoffibility of performing them: But the Lord helped me to break thro' this Difficulty. God was pleafed, by the Ufe of Means, to give me fome clear Convidion of my Sinfulnefs, and a Difcovcry of the Plague of my own Hearty more afte£ling than what I have of late had. And efpecially I faw my Sinfulnefs in this, that when God had withdrawn himfelf, then, inftead of living and dying in Purfuit of him, I have been difpofed to one of thele two Things ; ei- ther ( firft ) to yield an unbecoming P.efped to fome earthlyOh- je61s, as if Happincfs were to be derived from them ; or (2dJy) to be kcTt\\y froward and impatient, and unfuitably defirous of Deaih^ fo that [ have fomctimcs tbo't I could not bear to think my Li/e mutt belengthcn'd out. And that which often drove me to this impatient Dcure of Death, was aDefpair of doing any Good in Life ; and I chofe Death, rather than a Life fpent for Nothing. But now God made me fenfible of my Sin in thefe Things, and enabled me to cry to him for Forgivenefs. Yet this was not all { wanted \ for my Soul appeared exceedingly poJluted. my Heart feem'd like a Nefl of Vip-r?. or a Cage of unclean i/ M". David Braincrd. A.D.1744,; 135 unclean and hateful Birds : And therefore I wanted to be pu- iified by the Blood ef Sprinklings that clean ftth from all Sin, And this, I hopcjl was enabled to pray for inFaith. I enjoyed much more Intenfenefs, Fervency, andSpirituality, than I expe6led; God was better to me than my Fears. And towards Night, I felt my Soul rejoyce, that God is unchangeably happy and glorious ; that he will be glorified, whatever becomes of his Creatures. I was enabled to perfevere in Prayer 'till fomeTime in the Evening : At whichTime I faw fo much Need of divine Help, in every Refpedt, that I knew not how to leave ofF, and had forgot that I needed Food. This Evening, I was much affifted in meditating on I/ai, lii. 3. Blefled be the Lord for any Help in the paft Day. Friday, Decemb. 7. Spent fome Time in Prayer, in the Morning ; enjoyed fome Freedom and Affe6Jion in the Duty, and had longing Defires of being made faithful to the Death, Spent a little Time in writing on a divine Subjedl : Then vifited the Indians, and preachM to *em. But under inexpreffi- ble Dejedlion : 1 had no Heart to fpeak to them, and could not do it, but as I forced my fclf : I knew, they muft hate to hear me, as having but juft got Home from their idolatrous Feaft and Devil- Worfhip.—- In the Evening, had fome Free ^ dom in Prayer and Meditation. Saturday, Decern. 8. Have been uncommonly free this Day from Dejedlion, and from that diftrelHng Apprehenfion, that. I could do nothing : Was enabled to pray and ftudy with feme Comfort ; and efpecially was affifted in writing on a divine Subje6l. In the Evening, my Soul rejoyced in God ; and I blefs'd his Name for fhining en my Soul. O the fv/eet and blefTed Change I then felt, when God brought me out of Darknefi into his marvellous Light I Lord*s-Day, Decern. 9. Preach'd, both Parts of the Days*' at a Place caird Greenwich^ in JsJew-Jerfey^ about 10 Miles from my own Houfe. In the firft Difcourfe I had fcarcc any Warmth or afFe6lionate Longing forSouis. In the Intermiffion-Seafon I got alone among the Bufhes, and cried to God for Pardon of my Deadnefs ; and was in Anguifh and Bitternefs, that I courfd not addrcfs Souls with more Compaflion and tender Affe6lion z Judged and condemned my felf for want of this divineTemper : Tho' I faw I could not get it as of my felf, any more than I could make a World. In the latter Exercife, blefTed be the Lord, I had fome Fervency, both in Prayer andPreaching ; ani efpecially in the Application of my Difcgurfij was enabled to T ' ■ " add.^efa 1^6 2Et. 27: ITy&i? L I F E addrefs precious Souls with AfFe6lion, Concern, Tendcrnefs and Importunity. The Spirit of God, I think, was there ; as the Effe£ls were apparent, Tears running down many Cheeks. Monday, Decern. 10. Near Noon, I preach'd again : God gave me Tome AfTiftance, and enabled me to be in fome Degree faithful ; fo that I had Peace in my own Soul, and a very com- fortable Compofure, aliho* Ifrael fhould not he gathered. Came away iromGreenwich^and rodeHome ; arrived juft in theEvening. By the Way, my Soul blefs'd God for his Goodnefs ; and I rejoyced, that fomuch of my Work was done, and I fo much nearer my bleffcd Reward. Blefled be God for Grace to be faithful. Tuefday, Decern. 11. Felt very poorly in Body,being much tired and worn out the laft Night. Was aflifted in fome Mea- fure in writing on a divineSubje(£l : But was fo feeble and fore in my Breaft, that I had not much Refoiution in my Work. Oh, how I long for thatWorld where the weary are atReJi ! And yet thro' the Goodnefs of God I don't now feel impatient. Wednefday, Decern. 12. Was again very weak ; but fome- what afTifted in fccret Prayer, and enabled with PJeafure and Sweetnefs to cry ^ Come , Lord Je/us f Come, Lordjefus; come quickly, My So\i\ longed for God, for the living God. O how celightful it is, to pray under fuch fweet Influences ! Oh how much better is this, than one's neceJfaryFooi ! I had at thisTime no Difpofition to eat ( tho' late in the Morning ; ) for earthly Food appeared wholly Taftlefs. O how much better is thy Love than PVine, than the fweeteft Wine !— I vifited and preached to the Indians, in the Afternoon ; but under much Dejection. Found my Interpreter under fome Concern for his Soul ; which was fome Comfort to me ; and yet fiil'd me with new Cire. I longed greatly for his Converfion ; lifted up myHeart to God for it, while I was talking to him : CameH'.me,ar?d poured out my Soul to God for him : Enjoyed fome t reedom in Prayer, and was enabled, I think, to leave all with God. Thurfday, Decern. 13. Endeavoured to fpend the Day in Fafting and Piayei, to implore the divine Blefling, moreefpeci- aljy on my poor People ; and in particular, { fought for con- verting Grace for my Interpreter, and three or four mo;:e under fome Concern for their Souls. I was much difordered in the Mornijig when I arofe ; but having determined to fpend theDay in this Manner,! attempted it. SomeKreedom I had in pleading \ for thefe poor concerned Souls, feveral Times ; and when in- tcrceeditig for them, I enjoyed greater Freedom from wandring and ^ Mr, David Brainerd: A.D. 1 744.; 13 7 iind di(lra6ling Thoughts, than in any Part of my Supplications : But, in the general, was greatly exercifed with Wandrings ; fo that in the Evening it feemed as if 1 had need to pray for no- thing (o much as for thePardon of Sins committed in theDay paft, and the Vilenefs I then found in ray felf. TheSins I had moftSenfii of, were Pride, and wandring Thoughts, whereby 1 mocked God. The former of thefe curfed Iniquities excited me to think of writing, or preaching, or converting Heathen,or performing ibme other great Work, that my Name might live when I fhould be dead. My Soul was in Anguifh, and ready to drop into Defpair, to find fo much of that curCsd Temper. With this, and the other Evil I laboured under, viz, wandring Thoughts, I was almoft overwhelmed, and even ready to give over {driving after aSpiritof Devotion ; and oftentimes funk into a confidera- ble Degree of Defpondency, and thought I was more bruii(h than any Man. Yet after all my Sorrows, 1 truft thro* Grace, this Day and the Exercifes of it hive been for my Good, and taught me more of my Corruption, and Weaknefs without Chrift, than I knew before. Friday, Decern. 14. Near Noon, went to the Indians ; but knew not what to fay to them, and was afhamed to look them in the Face : I felt I had no Power to addrefs their Confciences, and therefore had no Boldnefs to fay any Thing. Was, much of the Day, in a great Degree of Defpair about ever doing or feeing any Good in the Land of the\Living, [ He continued under the fame De;d6!ioi the next Day.] Lord's- Day, Decern. 16. Was fo overwhelmed with De- jeaion,that I'knew not how to live : I long'd forDeath exceed- ingly : My Soul v^zs funk into deep Waters., and the Floods were ready to drown me : I was fo much opprefs'd, that my Soul was in a kind of Horrour : I could not keep my Thoughts fixed in Prayer, for the Space of one Minute, without Fluttering andDi- ftradtion : I was exceedingly afliamed,thatl did not live toGod : I had no diftrefling Doubt about my own State ; but would have cheerfully ventured ( as far as I could polTibly know) into Eternity. While I was going to preach to the Indians, my Soul was in Anguifh ; I was fo overborn withDifcouragement ; thatldcfpair*d of doing any Good, and was driven to my Wita End ; I knew nothing what to fay, nor what Courfe to take. But at laft I infifted on the Evidence we have of the Truth of Chriftianity from the iW/rtfr/^^ of Chrift i many of which I fet - - T 2 before 138 -ffi/. 2/: TbeLlFE before them : And God helped me to make a clofe Application to thofe that refufed to believe theTruth of what I taught them : And indeed I was enabled to fpeak to the Confciences of all, in fome Meafure. I was fomething encouraged, to find, that God enabled me to be faithful once more. Then came and preached to another Company of them ; but was very weary and faint. In the Evening, I was fomething refrefh'd, and was enabled to pray andpraife God with Compofure and AfFeftion : Had fome Enlargement andCourage with Refpeil tomyVVork : Was willing to live, and longed to do more for God, than my weak ftate of B jdy woald admit of. / can do all Things through Chriji that Jlrengthem me ; and by his Grace, I am willing to fpend 2,^^ he [pent in his Service, when lam not thus funk in £)ejj6lion and a kind of Defpair. Monday, Decern. 17. Was fomething comfortable in MinJ, moft of the Day ; and was enabled to pray with fome Freedom, Cheerfulnefs, Conipofure, and Devotion ; had aUo fome Af» firtance in writing on a divine Subjeih Tuefdavj Z)^f^/«^. 18. Went to the /«i/(3«;, and difcourfed to them, near an Hour, without any Power to come clofe to their Hearts. But at laft, I felt fome Fervency, andGod helped me to fpeak witlv Warmth. My Intnpreter alfo was amazingly afiifted ; and I doubt not hwttheSpirit o/God was upon him (tho* I had no R-eafon to think he had any true and faving Grace, but was only under Convidion of his loft State ; ) and prefently lipon this moft of the grown Perfons were much affecSled, and the Tears ran down their Cheeks ; and one oldMan ( I fuppofe, an hundred Years old } was fo afFedled, that he wept, and feem'd convinced of the Importance of what I taught them. I ftaid ■with them a confiderable Time, exhorting and dire6iing them j and came away, lifting up my Heart toGod in Prayer andPraife, and encouraged and exhorted my Interpntgr to /irive to enter in at' the ji rait Gate. Came home, and fpent moft of the Evening in Prayer and Tiunlcfgiving ; and found my felf much enlarged snd quicken'd. Was greatly concerned, that the Lord'3 Work which feem'd to be begun, might be carried onwithPower, to the Converfion of poor Souls, and the Glory of divine Grace. Wednefday, Decemh. 19. Spent a greatPart of theDay inPray* er to God for the Outpouring of his Spirit on my poor People ; «s alfo to blefs his Name for awakning my Interpreter^ and fome others, and giving us fome Tokens of his Prcfence Yefterday- And blefted be God, I had much Freedom, five or fix Times ifi the D^y^ in Pra^'cr and Pfaife, ?^?A felt a weighty Concern upon of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1 744; 139 tspon my Spirit for the Salvation of thofe precious Souls, and the Enlargement of the Redeemer's Kingdom among them. My Soul hoped inGod for fomeSuccefs m my Miniftry : And blefled be his Name forfo much Hope. Thurfday, Decemb. 20. Was enabled to vifit the Throne of Grace frequently, this Day ; and thro* divine Goodnefs enjoy- ed much Freedom and Fervency, fundry Times : Was much ailifted in crying for Mercy for my poor People, and feltChear- fulnefs and Hope in my Requefts for them. I fpent much of £he Day in Writing 3 but was enabled to intermix Prayer with my Studies. Fndzy^Decemh.21. Was enabled again to pray wIthFreedom, Chearfulnefs, and Hope. God was pleafed to make the Duty comfortable and pleafant to me ; fo that 1 delighted to perfe- vere, and repeatedly to engage in it. Towards Noon, vifited my People, and fpent the whole Time in the Way to them ia Prayer, longing io fee the Power of God among them, as there appeared fomething of it the lafl Tuefday ; and 1 found it fweet to reft and hope in God* Preach'd to them twice, and at two diftin6l Places : Had confiderable Freedom, each Time, and ioh^(i my Interpreter, Several of 'em followed me from one Place to the other : And I thought, there was fome divine In- fluence difcernable amongft them. In the EvcningjWas afTifted ID. Prayer again. BlefTed, blefled be the Lord. [ Very much the fame Things are cxprefled concerning his inward Frame, Exercifes, and Afiiftances on Saturday, as on the preceeding Days. He obferves, that this was a comfortable Week to him. • But then concludes, Oh ! That 1 had mReafon to complain of much Barrenmfs. Oh that there were no vainThoUs end evil AffeSliom lodging within me, The Lord knows how 1 long for that IVorld^ where they reft not Day nor Nighty f^y^^*iy Holy, Jtioly^ Holy, ii the Lord God Almighty y he. On the following Sabbath, he fpeaks of Affiftance and Freedom in his publicls Work, but as having lefs of the fenfible Prefence of God, than frequently in (he Week paft : But yet fay3,hisSoul was kept from finking in Dilcouragement. On Monday, again he feem'd to enjoy very much the fame Liberty and Fervency, thro' theDay, that he enjoyed thro' the greaterPartof the preceeding Week.*] This Day he wrote the fifth Litttr added at the End of this Hiflory, Tuefday,' ¥46 ^^/. 2 7' y^^ LIFE A.a 1 745; Tuefday, Decemh. l5.EnjoyM very little quietSleeplaftNight; by Reafon of bodily Weaknefs, and the clofenefs of my Studies Yefterday : YetmyHeart was fomewhat lively in Prayer&Praifc : I was delighted with the divine Glory and Happinefs, and re- joyced that God was God, & that he was unchangeably poflefs'd of Glory and BlefTednefs. Tho* God held my Eyes waking, yet he helped me ^o improve my Time profitably amidft my Pains and Weaknefs, in continued Meditations on Lukexm, ^.Behold ihefe three Tears I come JeeUng Fruity &c. My Meditations were fweet j and 1 wanted to fet before Sinners their Sin andDanger. [ He continued in a very low State, as to his bodily Health, for fome Days : Which feems to have been a great Hindrance to him in his religious Exercifes and Purfuits. But yet he ex- prefTes fome Degree of divine AiTiftance, from Day to Day, thro' the remaining Part of this Week. He preached feveral Times this Week to his Indians ; and there appeared ftill fome Concern amongft them for theirSouls. OnSaturday, he rode to the Jrip Settlement, about 15 Miles from his Lodgings^in order to fpend the Sabbath there. ] Lord's-Day, Decemh, 30. Difcourfed, both Parts of the Day, from Mark viii. 34. Who fcever will come after me^ &c. God gave me very great Freedom and Clearnefs, and ( in the Afternoon efpecially ) confiderable Warmth and Fervency. In tfce Even- ing alfo, had very great Clearnefs while converfing with Friends on divine Things : I don't remember ever to have had more clear Apprehenfions of Religion in myLife : But found a Strug- gle, in the Evening, with fpiritual Piide. [On Monday, he preach'd again in the fame Place v/ith Freedom and Fervency ; and rode home to his Lodging ; and arrived in the Evening, under a confiderable Degree of bodily Illnefs, which continued the two next Days. And he complains much of fpiritual Emptinefs and Barrennefs on thofe Days. J Thurfday,7<2«r/flry 3.1744^5. Being fenfiblc of the great want of divine Influences, and the out-pouring of God's Spirit, I fpent this Day in Fafling and Prayer, to feck fo great a Mercy for my felf, and my pcor People in particular, and for the Church of God in general. In the Morning, was very Lifelefs in Prayer, and could get fcarce any Senfe of God. Near Noon, enjoyed fome fweet Freedom to pray that the^/7/^ G^*^^» ^f ^f^i AIuu ihhji. Sec. In the Afternoon, it pleafed God to grant me great Freedj:n and Fervency in my Difcourfe ; and I was ena- bled to imitate the Example of Chriftin the Textywhojhod and cried."- 1 think, I was fcar/:e ever enabled to ofier the free Grace of God to perifliing Sinners with more Freedom anft Piainoefs in n>v' Life. And afterwards, I was enabled earneftly to invite ihe Children of God to come renewedly, and drink of ibis Fountain of W'^ater of Life, from whence they have here- tofore derived unfpeukabie Saiisfa6lion. It was a very comfor- table 7'ime to me: There were many Tears in the Aflembly ; and I doubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor Sinners of their need of Chrift.--- In the Evening, I felt compofed, and comror table, tho* much tired : I had i^onie fweet SenCe of the Excellency and Glory of God ; and my Soul re- joyced, that he was God over all, bltjfed forever ; but was too fciuzii •" -J-^] fyjjii Ccmpauy and Convcrfation, and longed 10 ef Mr* David Brainerd. A.D. 1 745, "J^^ to be more alone with God. Oh that I could forever blefs God for the Mercy of this Dayj who anfwered me in the Joy of my Heart, [The reft of this Week feems to have been fpent under a Decay of this Life and Joy, and in diitreffing Conflidls with Corruption ; but not without fomc Seafons of Refrefhment and Comfort.] Lord's-Day, Feb* 24. In the Morning, was much perplex'd : My Interpreter being abfent, I knev/ not how to perform my Work among the Indians. However, f rode to the Indians^ got a Dutch' Man to Interpret for me, tho* he was but poorly qua- lified for the Bufmefs. Afterwards, I came and preach'd to a few v/hite People from Johnv], 67. Here the Lord feemed to unburden me in fome Meafurc ; efpecially towards the clofe o{ my Difcourfe : I felt Freedom to open the Love of Chriji to his own dear Difciples : When the reft of the World forfakes him, and zxcforfaken by him, that he calls them no more, he then turns to his own, and fays, Wtll ye alfogoaway ! 1 had a Senfe of the irtQ Grace of Chrift to his own People, in fuch Seafons of general Apoftacy, and when they themfelves in fome Mea- sure backflide with the World. O the free Grace of Chrift, that he feafonably minds his People of their Danger of Back- fliding^ and invites them to perfevere in their Adherence to him- felf ! I faw that hackfi'iding Souls, who feemM to be about xogo away with the World, might return, and welcome, to himz>2- mediately ; without any Thing to recommend them ; notwith- ftandingall their formerBackHidings. And thus myDifcourfe was luited to my own Soul's Cafe : For, of late, I have found a great want of this Senfe and Apprehenfion of divineGtace ; and have often been greatly diftrefsM in my own Soul, becaufe I did not 'Yuitably apprehend this Fountain opened to purge away Sin ; and fo have been too much labouring for fpiritual Life, Peace of Ccn- fcience, and progreflive Holincfs, in my own Strength : But now God (hewed me, fn fome Meafure, the Jrmof z\\ Strength, and the Fountain of all Grace.—- In the Evening, I felt folemn, devout, and fwcer, refting on free Grace for AiTiftanse, Accep- tance, andPeace of Conlcience. [ Within the Space of the next nine Days, be had frequent refrsfhing, invigorating Influences of God's Spirit ; attended withComplaintof Dulnefs, and withLongings after fpiritualLife a.p,(i holy Fervency.] WeJncfday^ T4S 2Ei. if. TSif L I F E Wednefday, Afarch 6. Spent moft of the Day in preparing for a Journey to New- England. Spent feme Time in Prayer, with a rpecial Reference to my intended Joiu-ney. Was afraid I (hould forfake theFountain of livingfVater^^Sz attempt to derive Satisfa6iion from brokenCiJIerm^my dearFriends&Acquaintance, with whom I might meet in my Journey. 1 look'd to God 10 keep me from iWuVanity in fpecialjas weJl as others. Towards Night, and in the Evening, was vifited by feme Friends, fome of whom, I trufl, were real Chriftians ; who difcovered an af- fc61ionate Regard to me, and feem'd grieved that 1 was about toieave them ; efpecially feeing 1 did not expert to make any confiderable Stay among them, if I fhould live to return from New- England. * O how kind has God been to me ! How has he raifed up Friends in every Place, where his Providence has called me ! Friends are a great Comfort ; and *tis God that gives them ; 't\s he makes them friendly to me. Blefs the Lord^ O my Soul, and forget not all his Benefits, [ The next Dav, he fet out on his Journey : And It w^s about five Weeks before he returned.--- The fpecial Defign of this Journey, he himfelf declares afterwards^ in his Diary for March 21. VVhere, fpeaking of his converfing with a certain Minifter in New- England, he fays thus. Contrived with him how to raife fome Money among Ckriflian Friends., in order to fupport a Colleague with me in the fFildernefs^ ( 1 having mwf pent twoTears in avtry folitary Alanrnr^ that we might he together ; as Chrijljent out hisDifciples^ two and two : And as this luas the principal Con* cern 1 had in Fiew, in taking this yourney., fo 1 took Pains in itj and hope God will fucceed it^ if for his Glory. He firft went into various Parts o( Neiu-ferfey^^nd vifited feveralMinifters there : And then went to New-Tori: ; and from thence into New- Eng- land, goin^ to various Parts of ConneSticut : And trhen returned into New- Jer fey : He met aNumber of Minifters at IVoodbridge^ ivho (he fays) met there to ccnfult about the Affairs of Chrifi\ King- dom, in fome important Articles. He fcems, for the moft Part, to have been free from Melancholy in this Journey ; and many Times to have had extraordinary Afliftance in publick Miniftra- tions, and his preaching fometimes attended with very hopeful * It feems, be had a Defign, bv what afterwards appears, to remove and live among tb( Indians at Sufquahannah- River. Appcaf^ccs of Mr. David Brainerd. ^A.D. 1 745; 1 49 Appearances of a good ElFed on the Auditory. He alfo had many Seafons of fi^ecial Comfort and fpiritual Refrcihment, in Converfation with Minlfters and other Chriftian Friends, aruJ alfo in Meditation and Prayer by himfelf alone, j Saturday, Jpril 13. Rode Home to my ov/n Houfe at the Forks of Delavjau : Was enabled to remember the Goodnefs of the Lord, who hasnowpreferved me while riding full 600 Miles in this Journey 5 has kept me that none of my Bones have beea broken. BJefl'ed be the Lord, who has preferved me in this tedious Journey, and returned me in Safety to my own Houfe. Verily 'tis God that has upheld me, and guarded my Goings. LordVDay, April 14. Was difordered in Body with the Fatigues of my late Journey 5 but was enabled however to preach to a confiderable Aflbmbly of white People, gathered from all Par-ts round about,with fome Freedom, from E^ek. xxxiii. ii. As 1 live, faith the Lord God^ 5cC. had much moie Ailiftance than I expected. [ This Week, he went a Journey to PbiladMid, in order to engage the GoverTjour there to ufe his Intereft with the Chief Man of the Six Nations, ( with whom he maintained a ftricS Friendfhip)that he would give himLcave to W'vq ziSufquahannah^ and inftruit the Indians that are whhin their Territories. * in his Way to and from thence, he lodged with Mr. Beai^y a young Prefbyterian Minifter. He fpeaks of Seafons of fweet fpiritual Refrcfhaient, that he enjoyed at his Lodgings] Saturday, April 20. Rode with Mr. Beaty to Abingion, to attend Mr. Tnat^s Adminiftration of the Sacrament, according to the Method of the Church of Scotland. When we arrived, we found Mv,Treat preaching ; Afterwards I preach'd aSermon from Matih, v. 3. BUjfed are the Poor in Spirit^ Sic. God was pleafed to give me great Freedom and Tendernefs, both inPray- er and Sermon .* The Aflembly was fweetly melted, and Scores The Indians ztSufquahannah are a mix'dCompany of many Nations, fpeaking various Languages, and [ew of 'em pro-» perly of the Six Nations. But yet the Country having formerly been conquered by the Six Nations^ thcv claim the Land ; and ths Sufquahannah- Indiar.s are a kmd of VailaJs to them, J were ,.f5<^ JEt. 28. 7^^ LIFE were all in Tears. It was, as I then hoped and was afterwards abundantly fatisfied by converfing with them, a Jford fpohn in Seafon to many weary Souls* I was extremely tiredjand my Spi- rits much exhaufted, (o that I could fcarcely fpeak loudj yet I could not help rejoicing in God. Lords-Day, Jpril2i, In the Morning, was calm and com- pofed^and had fome out-goings of Soul afterGod in fccretDutics^ and longing Defires of his Prefence in the SonSiuary and at his Table ; that his Prefence might be in the Aflembly 5 and that his Children might be entertained with a Fea/i of fat Things,— - In the Forenoon, Mr. Treat preach'd. I felt fome Affection and Tendernefs in the Seafon of theAdminiftration of theOrdinancc. Mr. Seaty preached to the Multitude abroad, who could not half havecrouded into the Meeting- Houfe. In the Seafon of the Communion, I had comfortable and fweet Apprehenfions of the blifsful Communion of God's People, when thev fhall meet at their Father's Table in his Kingdom, in a Stale of Perfe6ticn.-» In theAfternoon, 1 preach'd abroad to the whole Afremb]y,froni Rev, xiv. 4. Thefe are they that follow the Lamb^ &c. God was pleafed again to give me very great Freedom and Clearnefs, but not fo much Warmth as before. However, there was a mofl a-* •mazing Attention in the whole AfTembly ; and, as I was in- formed afterwards, this was a fweet Seafon to many. Monday, Jpr. 22. I enjoy 'd fome Swcetnefs inRetirementj in the Morning. At eleven o'Clock, Mr. Beaty preach'd, with Freedom and Life. Then 1 preach'd from 'Jch. vii. 37. and concluded the Solemnity. Had fome Freedom ; but not equal to what I had enjoyed before : Yet m thePra^er, the Lord ena- bled me to cry ( I hope) with a Child-like Temper, withTcn- dernefsand Brokennefs of Heart.--- CameHome with Mr. Seat) to his Lodgings ; and fpent the Time, while riding, and after- wards, very agreably on divine Things. Tuefday, Jprjl2^. Left Mr. Seaty's, and returnedHomc to thcForks of Delaware : Enjoyed fome fweet Meditations, on the Road, and was enabled to Hft up my Heart to God inPrayer and Praife. [ The two neand travel onFoot ; until thro* theMercy of God (juft aiDufk)they came to aBark-Huttj where they lodged thatNight. After he came ioSufquahannak^hQ frave!1cd about theLength of an lOoMiles on theRiver,& vifited irj:\r.y'Fowfi5 Iz Settlement^} of xhtlndlans ; faw feme of 7 or 8 diltin6l Tribes ; and preached to difFerentNations, by different Interpeterj. f Ic v/as fometimes much difcouraged, and funk ."; ^" - ' ■ • ? • ' the OppoAiion that appeared in the Indians tQ i?/ Mr, D&vid Bralnerd. A.D. 1745. "153 to Chriftlanity. At other Times, he was encouraged by the Difpofition that fome of thefe People manifefted to hear, and Williiignefs to be inftruded. He here met with fome that had formerly been his Hearers at Kaunaumeek^ and had removed hi- ther \ who faw and heard him again with great Joy. He fpent a Fortnight among the Indians on this River ; and pafs'd thro* confiderable Labours and Hardfhips, frequently lodging on the Ground, and fometimes in the open Air ; And at length he fell extremely 111, as he was Riding in the Wildernefs, being feized with anAgue, followed with a burning Feyer,and extremePains in his Head and Bowels, attended with a great Evacuation of Blood ; {0 that he tho't hemuft have periflied in the Wildernefs; But at iafl coming to an Indian Trader's Hutt, he got Leave to ftay there ; and tho' without Phyfick or Food proper for him, it pleafed God, after about aWeek's Diftrefs, to relieve him (o far that he was able to ride. He returned homewards from Jun- cauta^ an Ifland far down the River \ where was a confiderabie Number of Indians, who appeared more free from Prejudices a- gainft Chriftianityjthan molt of the other Indians* He arrived at theForks of Delaware on Thurfday^^jy 30, after having rode ia this Journey about 34oMiles. f He cameHome in a very w^ak State, & underDejecSlion of Mind ; which was a greatHindrance to him in religious Exercifes. However, on the Sabbath, after having preach'd to the Indians, he preach'd to the ivhife People, wirh fome Succefs, from I/ai, liii. 10. Tet itpkajedthe Lord to hruife him, &c. fome being awakened by his preaching. The next Day, he was much exercifed for want of fpiritual Life and Fervency.] • Tuefday, June 4. Towards Evening, was in DIftrefs for God's Prefence and a Senfe of divine Things : Withdrew my felf to the Woods, and fpent near an Hour in Prayer and Me- ditation ; and I think, the Lord had CompalTion on me, and gave mc fome Senfe of divine Things ; which was indeed re- frefhing & quick'ning to me : MySoul enjoyed Intenfenefs 2nd Freedom in Prayer, fo that it griev'd me to leave the Place. Wednefday, June 5. Felt thirfling Defires after God, in the Morning. In the Evening,enjoyed a precious Seafon ofRe- tirement : Was favoured with fome clear and fweetMeditation» upon a facred Text ; DivineThings open'd with Clearnefs and + This is the Journey which he occafiQaally mentions in his printed Journal^ Pag. S^-^"^^* X 2 Certainty 154 ^/^/. 28. fre^LIFE Certainty, and had a divine Stamp upon them f My Soul was alfo enlarged and refrefli'd inPrayer ; and I delighted to continue jn the Duty ; and was fweetly affifted in praying for Fellow- Chriftians, and my dear Brethren in the Miniftry. Bleffedbc the dear Lord for fuch Enjoyments. O how fweet & precious it is, to have a clear Apprehenfion & t^derSenfe of the Myflery cf Godlimfsy of true Holinefs, & Likenefs to the beft of Beings ! O what a Bleflednefs it is, to be as much like God, as 'tis poffi- ble for a Creature to be like his great Creator ! Lord, give me more of /^y Likenefs : I {hall be fatisfed, when I awake with it. Thurfday, June 6. Was engaged, a confiderable Part of the Day, in Meditation and Study on divine Subjedls. Enjoyed fome fpecial Freedom, Clearnefs, and Sweetnefs in Meditation. O how refrefhing it is, to be enabled to improve Time well ! [ The next Day, hje went a Journey of near fifty Miles to 2s is nothing remarkable in his Diary, -||ut what is in his pubiick Journal. ] Thurfday, J^;;^ 27. MySoul rejoiced, to find,thatGod ena- bled me to be faithful, and that he was pleafed to awaken ihefe poor Indians by my Means. O how Heart-reviving, and Soul- lefiefhing is it to me to fee the Frtiit of my Labours ! Friday, yz^w^ 28. In theEvening,mySoul was revived, and my Heart hfted up to God in Prayer, for my poor Indians^ my Self and Friends, and the dear Church of God. And O how re- freftiing, how fweet was this ! Blefs the Lord, O my Soul, and forget not his Goodnefs and tender Mercy. Saturday, June2<^. PreachM twice to the Indiam ; and could not but wonder at their Serioufnefs, and the Stridtnefs of their Attention BlefTed be God, that has inclined their Hearts to hear. And O how refrefhing it is to me, to fee them attend withfuch uncommon Diligence and AfFe<5lion, with Tears in their Eyes, and Concern in their Hearts I In thcEvening, could not but lift up my Heart to God in Prayer, while riding to my Lodgings : And bleffed be his Name, had AfTiftance and Free- dom. O how much better than Life is the Prefence ai God I [ }^\% Diary gives an Account of nothing remarkable on the two next Days, befides what is in his pubiick Journal ; except- inghis Heart's being lifted up with Thanktulnefs, rejoicing ixi God, &c.-\ Tue(day,yu/),' 2. Rode from thQ Indians ioBrunfwick, near 40 Miles, and lodged there. Felt my Heart drawn out after God m Prayer, ^Jmtit ajl the Forenoon ; cfpecialjy while riding. An4 (P/ Mr. David Braiflcrd; A.D.1745; 159 And in the Evening, could not help crying to God for tbofc poor Indiam ; and after I went to Bed, my Heart continued to go out to God for them/till I dropM afleep. O blefled be God that I may pray ! [ He was fo beat out by conftafit preaching to thefe Indians, yielding to their earneft and importunate Defires, that he found it necefTary to give himfelf fome Relaxation. He fpent therefore about a Week in New-yerfey^ziitt he left thefe Indians^ vifiting feveralMinifters, and performing fome neceflary Bufinefs,before he went to the Forks of Delaware, And the* he was very weak inBody, yet he feems to have been ftrongin Spirit. OnFriday, July 12. he arrived at his own]Houfe in theForks of Delaware ; continuing ftill free from Melancholy ; from Day to Day, en- joying Freedom, Afliftance and Refrefhment in the inner Man. But on Wednefday, the next Week, he feems to have had fome melancholy Thoughts about his doing fo little for God j being (o nJuch hindered by weaknefsof Body.] ^Thurfday, July 18. Longed to fpend the little Iilch of Time I have in the World more for God. Felt a Spirit of Seriouf"' nefs, TendernefsjSweetnefs, and Devotion^ and wifh'd to fpcnd the whole Night in Prayer and Communion with God. Friday, July 19. In the Evening, walked abroad for Prayer and Meditation, and enjoyed Compofure and Freedom in' thefe fweet Exercifes ; efpecially in Meditation on Rev. iii. 12. Him that overcomeih^will I make a Pillar in the Temple of my God Sec, This was then a delightful Theme to me, and it refrefhed my Soul to dwell upon it. Oh, when {hall I go no more out from the Service and Enjoyment of the dear Lord ? Lord, haften the blefTed Day. [ Within the Space of the next fix Days, he fpeaks of much inward Refrefhment and Enlargement, from Time to Time.] Friday, July 26. In the Evening, God was pleafed to help me in Prayer, beyond what I have experienced for fome Time ; efpecially my Soul was drawn out for theEnlargement of Chrilt's Kingdom, and for the Converfion of my poor People : and my Soul relied on God for the Accomplifhment of that great Work. Oh, how fweet were theThoughts of Death to me at thisTime ! Oh, how I longed to be with Chrift, to be imployed in the glo- rious W^rk of Angels, and with an Angel's Freedom, Vigour Y and i6o ^/. 2S. ne LIFE and Delight ! And yet how willing was I fo ftay a while on Earih, that [ might do fonneihing, if the Lord pleafed, for his Intereft in the World ! My Soul, my very Soul, longed for the Ingathering of the poor Heafhen ; and I cried to God (or them moft willingly and heartily ; and yet becaufe 1 could not but cry. This was a fweetSeafon ; for 1 had fome livelyTaf^e of Heaven, and a Temper of Mind fuited in Tome Mcafure to the Employ- ments and Entertainments of it. My Soul was grieved to leave the Place ; but my Body was weak and worn out, and it was near nine o'clock. Oh, I longed that the remaining Part of mvLife migJ^t be fiird up with moreFervcncy and Activity in the Things of God I Oh the inwardPeace^Compofure, andGod-like Serenity of fuch aFrame ! Heaven muft needs differ from thisonly in Degree,and not inKind. Lord^ever give me this Sread of Life* [ Much of this Frame feem'd to continue the next Day.] Lofii's-Day, Juiy 28. In the Evening, my Soul was melted, and my Heart broken, with aSenfeof paft Barrennefsand Dead- nefs : And Ob, how I then longed to live to God, and bring forth much Fruit to his Glory ! Monday, July 29. Was much exercifed with a Senfe of Vilcnefs, with Guilt and Shame before God. [ For other Things remarkable, while he was this Time at the Forks oi Delaware ^t.ht Reader'muft be refer*d tohispublick Journal. As particularly for hi^Labours andbuccefs there among the Indians, On Wednefday, July 31. He fet out on his Return to Crof- week/ung ^2}[\d arrived there the nextDay. In his Way thither, he had longing Dtfires that be might come to theJndians there, in the fulnefsofthe BleJJing of theGofpel of Chrift ; attended with a Senfe cf his own great Weaknefs, Dependance and Wonhlefnefs. ] Friday, Augufi 2. In the Evening, I retired, and my Soul was drawn out in Prayer to God ; efpecially for my poor Peo- ple, to whom I had fent Word that they might gather together, that I might preach to 'em the next Y):.^. I vi'as much enlarged < in Praying for their faving Converfion ; and fcarce ever found my Defires of any Thing of this Nature fo fenfibly and clearly ( to my own Satisfaction) difinterefied, and iitt, from felfifh Views. It feem'd to me, I had no Care, or hardly any Defire to be the Inftrumentof fo glorious a Work, as I wifli'd and pray'd {or among the Indians \ If the blefTed Woik might be accompliflied to the Honour of God, and the Enlargement of the dear Redeemer'^ Kirgdcm, this v.'as all my Defire and Care ; and for this Mere)' I hoiked, but with Ticmbling ; for I felt of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 745. 161 felt what 7^^ exprefles, Chapter vx., 16. My rifing Hopes, re- fpedling the Converfion of the Indians^ have been lo often dafh- ed, that my Spirit is as it were broken, and Courage wafted, ^nd 1 hardly dare hope. [ Concerning his Labours and marvellous Succefs amongft the Jndians^for the following 16 Days, let (he Reader fee his pubjick 'Journal. The Things worthy of Note in his Diary, not there pubh'fhed, are his earneft and importunate Prayers for the /n- diansy and the Travail of his Soul for them from Day to Day ; and his great Refrefliment and Joy in beholding the wonderful Mercy of God, and t!"»e glorious Manifeftations of his Power and Grace in his VVork among them ; and his ardetJt Thankf- givings to God ; his Heart's rejoycing in Chrift, as King of his Church, and King of his Soul ; in particular, at the Sacra- ment of the Lord's Supper, at Mr. McNi^ht's Meeting-Houfe ; aSenfeofhis own exceeding Unworthinefs ; which fometimes was attended with Deje<^ion and Melancholy.] Monday, Jug. ig. Near Noon, I rede ioFreehold, and preached to a confiderableAflembly, ivomMatth. v. 3. It plcafed God to leave me to be very dry and barren , (o that I don't re- member to have been fo ftraiten'd for a whole twelve Month paft. God is juft, and he has made mv Soul acquiefce in his Will in this 'Regard. 'Tis contrary to Fle/h and Blood to be cut off from all Freedom, in a large Auditory, where their Expedla- tions are much raifed ; but ^o it was with me : AndGod helped me to fay yimen to it ', Good is theWill of the Lord. In'theEven- ing, I felt quiet and compofed, and had Freedom and Comfof t in fecret Prayer. Tuefday, Jug. 20. Was compofed and comfortable, ftill in a refigned Frame. Travelled from Mr. Tennent's in Freehold to Elifabeth-Town. Was refrefh'd to fee Friends, and relate to them what God had done,and was fiill doing among my poor People. Wednefday, Jug. 21. Spent the Forenoon in Converfation with Mr. Dickinforiy contriving fomething for the Settlement of the Indians together in a Body, that they might be under better Advantages for Inftrudion. In the Afternoon, fpent Time agreably with other Friends ; wrote to my Brother at College : But was grieved that Ticne Aid away, while I did fo little for God. y 2 Frida}', 1 52 ^t.is: The LIFE Friday, Mg. 23. In the Morning, was very weak • hnt favoured with fome Freedom and Sweetnef [n P^rfyer Wa ^ompored and comfortable in JMind. After Noon, Vodrto Crojweikfms to my poor People ' "* frol'?h''7'/''^'^'^'~^"'"'^°'"P'''""f=&P"ce, while riding Sou? trt'n 'T^ ^°''g'"S' = ^"^ ^"^bied to pour out my fcoul to God for dear Fnends m New- England. Felt a fweet LordVDay A^.25 J rode to myLodgingsin theEven- mg blefllng ,he Lord for his gracious Vifitation of the S and the Soul-refrefhmg Thmgs I had feen thcDay paft amon/ft Monday, A^.26.--_I went from the 7,^^« to my Lodg- ings, rejoycng for the Goodnefs of God to my poor People • ana enjoyed Freedom of Soul i„ Prayer, and other ffiin theEvenmg. Blefs the Lord, O my Soul. '"^""«,in nf nUl" "'"i ?'^' ^^ ^'' °"' °" " ^""""^y '""-"ds the Forks of Z)./^i<.<,r.,dengn.ng to go from rbcnce toSufquahar.„ab before he returned to C..>„i/^,,. „ ,3, fi,, Q^/f ,^„^ ^j^^'^f" « ture from Cr^fw,ekfur:gMioro he reach'd (hef.ri.,going round by the W^yol PhUaJelphia, and waiting on .he Gove" nour of ^"Jy'vama, to get a Recommendaiion from him to the Chiefs of he /,i,..; ; which he obtainM. He fpeaks of much Com fort and fp.ruual Refrefhmen. in this Journey ; and alfo a Sel cU;L?£';^rS7^"'^^^' '"'^'"^ '^in^relfthemeanS Lo,JvDay, S^,.;„i,;. ,. (- A, theForks ofi).;<,«;^r, J , lilt 12.1" U t'l '^^r^^r' =""• '' "'^^ =■ bi^fl-^'J Seafon in m^^T {. ;^^y ^''"' ""=t'»«'"' forMercy.inanalFcaionate Planner. In the Ever.mg alfo my Soul rpjoyccd in God. [His private Dlar, has nothing remarkable, for the two ne« B^s, but wlj^t is in bis publics JwW. ] • JVedncfdjyj c/ Mr. David Brainerd: A.D. 1745. 1^3 Wednefday, Sept. 4. Rode 15 Miles to an Iri/h S(|ttlement, and preachM there from Luke xiv 22. — And yet there is Room. God was pleafed to afford me fome Tender nefs and Enlarge- ment in the firft Prayer, and much Freedom,as well as Warmth, in Sermon. There were many Tears in the Aflembly : The People of God feemed to melt, and others to be in fome Mea- fure awakenM, BleiTed be the Lord, that lets me fee his Work going on in one Place and another. [ The Account for Thurfday is the fame for Subftanceas in hispublick Journal.] Friday, Sept, 6. Enjoyed fome Freedom and Intenfenefs of Mind in Prayer alone ; and longed to have mySoul more warm'd with divine and heavenly Things. Was fomewhat melancholy, towards Night, and longed to die and quit a Scene of Sin and Darknefs j but was a little fupported in Prayer. [ This Melancholy continued the next Day.] ljOrd*s^Day,Sept. 8.— In theEveningjGod was pleafed to enlarge me in Prayer, and give me Freedom at the Throne of Grace : I cried to God for the Enlargement of his Kingdom in the World, and in particular among my dear People ; was alfo ertabled to pray for many dear Minifters of my Acquaintance, both in thefe Parts, and in New- England ; and alfo for other dear Friends in New- England* And my Soul was fo engaged and enlarged in that fweet Exercife, that I fpent near an Hour in it, and knew not how to leave the Mercy-Seat. Oh, how I delighted to pray and cry to God ? I faw, God was both able and willing to do all that I defired, for my felf and Friends, and bis Church in general. I was likewife much enlarged and allift- ed in Family-Prayer. And afterwards, when I was juft going to Bed, God helped me to renew myPetitions withArdency and Freedom. Oh, 'twas to me a biefied Evening of Prayer I Blefs the Lord, O my Soul. [ The next Day, he kt out from the Forks of Delaware to go to Sufquahannah. And on the fifth Day of his Journey, he arrived at Shaumoking, a large Indian Town on Sufquahannah- River. He performed the Journey under a confiderable Degree of Melancholy, occafion'd at firft by his hearing that the Alora^ vkns were gone befgre him to the Sufyuahann^- Indians.] Saturday, z64 mu 28. Iht LIFE Saturday, Sepu 14. [ At Shaumoking ]-, In the Evening, myboul was enlarged aiid fweetly engaged inPrayer ; efpeciallv, thatOoD would let up hisKingdom in thisPIace, where the Devil now reigns in the moft eminent Manner. And I was enabled to alk this /or God, for his Glory, and becaufe I longed for the iLnlargement of his Kingdom, to the Honour of his dear Name 1 could appeal to God with the greateft Freedom, that he knew A ^'' ^" '^^^r Caufe, and not my own, that engaged myHeart - And my Soul cried, Z.r^, fet up thy Kingdom, for thine ownG lory. Glorify thjfelf', and 1 /halt rejoyce. Get Honour to thy blefTed ^7fr'h A t' " f ^ ^'^'''' ^' "'^■'^ '"^-/V ^hat thou wilt. Blefjed be thy Name forever, that thou art God, and that thou wilt frtfythyfef O that the whole ll^orld might glorify thee. O Ut^theje poor People ht brought to know thee, and love thee, for the Glory of thy dear ever-blejjed Name, I could not but hope, that Ood would bring in thefe miferable, wicked Indians : Tho* there appeared little humanProbability of it ; for they were then dancing and revelling, as if pofTefTed'by the Devil. But yet f hoped, iho' againji Hope, that God would be glorified, that God's Name would be glorified by thefe poor 7W/^«;. I continued Jong in Prayer and Praife to God ; and had great Freedom, En- largement and Sweetn^fs, remembring dearFriendsinA^^ru-^'^^- hnd, as well as the People of ray Charge. Was entirely free from that Dejedion of Spirit, with which I am frequently exer- cifed : Blelled be God. [ His Diary from this Time ioSept. 22. ( the laft Day of his Continuance among the Indiam at Sufquahannah) is not legible , by Reafon of the Badnefs of the Ink. It was probably written with the Juice of fome Berries found in the Woods, having no other Ink in that VVildernefs. So that for this Space of Time the Reader muft be wholly refer'd to his publick Journal. On Monday, Sept. 23. He left the Indians, in order to his Return to the Porks of Delazvare, in a very weak State of Body, and under Dejeaion of Mind, which continued the two firft Days of his Journey, j Wednefday, Sept. 25. Rode ftill homeward. In the Fore- noon, enjoy 'd l^reedom and Intenfenefs of Mind in Meditation on yob xln. 5,6. ; have heard of Thee by the hearing of theEar ; hut now mine Eye feeth thee : IVberefore habhor my felt, and repent in Dufl and /JJhes. The Lord gave me Clearnefs to penetrate ^ mto the fweet Truths contained in that Text. It was a com- lortable and fweet Seafon to me» Thurfday (?/Afr. David Braiherd. A.D.1745. 165 Thurfday, Sept* 26. Was ftill much diforder'd in Body, and able to ride but flowly. Continued my journey however. Near Night, arrived at the Iri/h Settlement, about 15 Miles from mine own Houfe. This Day, while riding, 1 was much exercifed with a Senfe of my Barrennefs ; and verily thought, there was no Creature that had any true Grace, but what was more fpiritual and fruitful than I ; I could not think that any of God's Children made fo poor a fiand of living to God as L Friday, S^pi. 27. Spent confidcrableTime, in the Morning;* in Prayer and Praife to God. My Mind was fomewhat intenfe in the Duty, and my Heart in fome Degree warm*d with aSenfe of divine Things : My Soul was melted, to think, that God had accounted me faithful^ putting me into the Minijiry, notwithftand- ing all my Barrennefs and Deadnefs. My Soul was alfo in fomc Meafure enlarged in Prayer for the dear People of my Charge, as well as for other dearFriends. In theAfternoon,vi{ited fome Chriftian Friends, and fpent theTime, I think, profitably : My Heart was warm'd, and more engaged in the Things of God. In the Evening, I enjoyed Enlargement, Warmth, andComfort in Prayer .• My Soul relied on God for Afliftance and Grace to enable me to dofomething in his Caufe : My Heart was drawn out in Thankfulnefs to God for what he had done for his own Glory among my poorPeople of late : And I felt encouraged to proceed in his Work, being perfwaded of his Power,and hoping his Arm might be further revealed^ for the Enlargeiaent of his dearKingdom : And my Soul rejoycedin hope of the Glory of Gody in Hope of the Advancement of his declarative Glory in the World, as well as of enjoying him in a World of Glory. Oh, ble/Ted be God, the living God, forever ! [ He continued in this comfortable, fweet Frame of Mind, the two next Days. On theDay following, he went to his own Houfe, in the Forks of Delaware^ and continued fiill in the fame Frame. Thene^Day, which was Tuefday, he vifited his /«- dians, Wednefday he fpent moftly in writing the Medita- tions he had had in his latejourney to Sufquahannah. On Tharf- jday, he left the Forks of Delaware^ and travelled towards Crof- weekfung^ where he arrived on Saturday ( O^ob. 5.) and conti- nued from Day to Day in a comfortable State of Mind. There is nothing material in his Diary for this Day and 'he next, but what is in his printed JournaL} Monday, >66 JElzS. nehll^E Monday, O£foh. 7. Being called by the Church and People of Eaflhamptonon Long'ljlandy 2iS2L Member of a Council, to ailift and advife in Affairs of Difficulty in that Church, I fet out on my Journey this Morning, before it was well Light, and tra- velled to EliJabeih'Towny and there lodged. Enjoyed feme Comfort on the Road, in Converfation with Mr. tVilliamTen^ nent^ who was fent for on the fame Bufinefs. [ He profecuted his Journey with thcotherMinifters that were fent for ; and did not return till Oifob. 24. While he was at E a fl- Hampton^ the Importance of the Bufinefs that the Council were come upon,lay with fuch Weight on his Mind, and he was fo concerned for the Intereft of Religion in that Place, that he flept but little for feveral Nights fucceflively. In his Way to and from Ea/i- Hampton ^ he had feveral Seafons of fweetRefrefh- ment, wherein his Soul was enlarged and comforted with divine Confolations, in fecret Retirement ; and he had fpecial Affift- ance in publick miniflerial Performances in the Houfe of God ; and yet, at the fame Time, a Scnfe of extreme Vilenefs and Un- proiitablenefs. He from Time to Time fpeaks of Soul-refrefh- ment and Comfort in Converfation with the Miniftcrs that tra- velled with him ; and fecms to have little or nothing of Melan- choly, 'till he came to the Welt-End of Long-J/Iandy in his Return. After that, he was opprefTed withDeje6tion andGloomi- nefs of Mind, for feveral Days together. — For an Account of the four firft Days after his return from his Journey, I refer the Reacier to his publick Journal. Monday,G/f?(7^.28. Had anEvening of fweetRefrefting; my Thoughts were raifed to a blefTed Eternity ; my Soul was melted with Defircs of perfedt Holinefs, and perfedtly glorifying God. Tuefday, OSfoh. 2g. About Noon, rode and view'd the Indian Lands at Cranberry : Was much dejected, and grea:ly perplexed in Mind : Knew not how to fee any Body again, my Soul was fo funk within me. Oh that thefe Trials might make me more hurable and holy. Oh that God would keep me from giving Way to finful Dejedion, which may hinder my Ufefulnefs. Wednefday, O^ob. 30. My Soul was refrefhcd with ^ View of the Continuance of God's blcfi'ed Work among the Indians* Thurfday, Osiob. 31. Spent mofl of the Day in Writing : Enjoyed not much fpiritualComfort ; but was not fo much funk With Melancholy as at fome other Times. Friday^ of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1 745. 1 6j Friday, Nov. i. [See the publick jfournal. ] Saturday, Nov. 2. Spent the D^y with ihelndians, and wrote fome Things of Importance ; and long'd to do more for God, than I did, or cou d do in this prefent feeble and imperfedStatc. [ Nov. 3. & 4. [ See the publick Journal, ] Tuefday, Nov. 5. He left the Indians, and Tpent the remain- ing Part of this Week in travelling to variousPartsofA^^«/-7^'/0'> in order to get a ColU^ion for the Ufe of the Indians, and to obtain a School- Mafler toinftrudt them. And in the meanTime, he fpeaksof very fweet Refrefhment and Entertainment with Chriftian Friends, and of his being fweetly employed, while ridingjin Meditation on divine Subjeds ; his Heart's being en- larged, his Mind clear, his Spirit refrefhed with divine Truths, and his Heart'' s burning within him, while he went by the PVay^ani the Lord opened to him the Scriptures. ] Lord's- Day, Nov. 10. [At Elizabeih-Town. ] V/as com- fortable in the Morning, both in Body and Mind ; preachM in the Forenoon from 2 Cor, v. 20. God was pleafed to give me Freedom and Fervency in my Difcourfc; and the Prefence of God feem'd to be in theAfTembly : Numbers were afFe6lcd,and there were manyTears among them. In the Afternoon, preachM from Luk. xiv. 22. And yet there is Room, Was favourM with divine AfTiftance in the firft Prayer, and poured out my Soul to CS^od with a filial Temper of Mind ; the living God alfo ailided me in Sermon. [ The next Day, he went to New-Town on Long-ljland, to a Meeting of the Prefoyiery, He fpeaks of fome fweet Medi- tations he had while there, on Chrifi^s delivering up the Kingdom to the Father, and of hisboul's being much refrelh'd and warm'd with the Confideration of that blifsfui Day. ] Friday, Nov. 15. Could not crofstheFerry by Rcafonof the Violence of the Wind ; nor could I enjoy any Place of Retire- ment at the Ferry-Houfe : So that I was in Perplexity. Yet God gave me fome Satisfaction and Sweetnefs inMeditation,and lifting up my Heart to God in the midfl of Company. And altho' fome were drinking and talking profanely? which was in- deed a Grief to me, yet my Mind was calm and comppfod. And I could not but blefs God, that I was not like to fpeod an Eternity in fuchCompany. In theEvening, I fat down and wrote with Compofure and Freedom ; and can fay ( through pure Grace ) it was a comfortable Evening to my Scul, an Evening 1 was enabled to fpend in the Service of C3cd. Z Saturday^ i68 yEt 28. "The LIFE Saturday, Nov* 16. Crofs'd theFerry about tcrto'Clock ; ar- rived at Eliza be tb-Toivn near Night. Was in a calm compofed Frame of Mind, and felt an entire Refignation with Refpedl to a Lofs I had lately fuftain*d, in having my Horfe ftollen from mc the laftVVednefdayNight,at New-Town, Had fomeLongings of Soul for the dear People of EUzaheth-Town^ that God wonld pour out his Spirit upon them, and revive hisWork amongft them. [ He fpent the four next Days at Elizabeth-Town y for the moft Part, in a Free and Comfortable State of Mind, intenfcly engaged in the Service of God, and enjoying, at fome Times, the fpccial Affiftances of his Spirit. OnThurfdayjthisVVeekjhe rode to Freehold ^3iT\d fpent theDay under confiderableDejedion.l Friday, A^ andUnfatisfac- tory Nature of the molt defirabie earthly Obje and fome feem to be really awaken'd. [ Lord's-Day, Feb. 23. See the publick Journal. The next Day, he left the Forks of Delaware^ to return to Crojmekfung 5 and fpent the wliole Week 'till Saturday, before A a «? jy6 Mi, 28. SrS^ LI FE he arrived there ; but preach'd by the Way every Day, except- ing one ; and was feveralTimes greatiy a/Tided ; and had much inward Cdnirort, and earneft Longings to fill up all his Time with the Service of God. He utters fuch Expitllions as thefe, after Preaching : Oh that (may he enabled to plead the Caufe of God faithfully, to my dying Moment, Oh how jweet it would be to fpend my felf wholly for God, and in his Caufe y and to be freed frcmfe}fijh Motives in my Labours ! For Saturday and Lord's- Day, March i & 2. Seethe pub- lick Journal. The four next Days were fpent in great bodily Weaknefs ; but he fpeaks of fomeSeafons of confiderable inward Comfort.] Thurfday, March 6. I walked alone in the Evening, and enjoyed Sweetnefs and Comfort in Prayer, beyond what 1 have of late enjoyed : My Soul rejoyced in my Pilgrimage- State, and I was delighted with the Thoughts of labouring and enduring Mardnefs for Ggd : Felt foine longing Defires to preach the Gofpel to dear immortal Souls ; and confided in God, that he would be with me in my Work, and that he never would leave nor' for fake me, to the End of my Race. Oh, may I obtain Mercy of Godifi be faithful, to my dying Moment. Friday, March 7. In the Afternoon, went on in my Work with Freedom and Chearfulnefs, God affifting me ; and enjoyed Comfort in the Evening. [ For the two^iext Days, fee the publick Journal'^ Monday, March 10. My Soul was refrefh'd withFree- dom and Enlargement,and ( I hope ) the livelyExercife of Faith, in fecret Prayer, this Night : My Will was fweetly rcfigned to the divine Will, and my Hopes refpe£ling the Enlargement of the dear Kingdom of Chrift fornewhat raifed, and could commit 'Zion's Caufe to God as his own. f On TuefJay, heYpeaks of Tome Sweetnefs and Spirituality i n Chrif^ian Converfation. On Wednefday, complains that he enjoyed not much Comfort and Satisfaaion, thro' the Day, becaufche did but little for God. On Thurfday, fpent confi- derable Time in Company, on a fpccial Occafion 5 but in Per- plexity, becaufe without favoury religious Converfation. For Friday, Saturday and Lord'?- Day, fee the publick Journal, In the former Part of the Week following he was very ill 5 ?»nd alfo under great Dejci^ion 5 beings as he apprehended, rcndei'd e>/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D 1746, 177 reoder'd unfervlceable by his IJlnefs, and fearing (bat he fhould never be Serviceable any more ; and therefore exceedingly long- ed for Death. But afterwards was more encouraged, and Life appeared more defirable ; becaufe ( as he favs ) he had a liitle Dawn of Hope, that he might be ufeful in the World. In ihe latter . Part of [he Week, he was in fome Meafure relieved of his III- nefs, in the Ufe of Means prefcribed by a Fhyfician. For Saturday, and LordVDay, March 22^ and 23. See his publick journal.] Monday, March 24. After the Indians were gons to their Work,to clear their Lands, I got alone and poured out my Soul to God, that he would fmile upon thefe feeble Beginnings, anns : But after he came there, he was ( as he exprefTes ii ) very vspour)} and mdanchoiy ^ and under an oiu Jul Gloomy that opprcffed his Mind. And this continued 'till Saturday-Evening, ^\'heii he befr-^n to have fume Relief and Encouragement. He fpent the Sabbath at Staten-IfJind ; where he preach'J to an AiTcmbly of Dutch and Engl'i/by and enjoyed confiderable Re- frefliment and Comfort, both in pwblick and private. In the Evening, he returned to Elifabetb Town.] Monday, April 14. My Spirits this D^y were raifed and re- frefi-jM an i my Mind compofed, fo that \ was in a comfortable Frame oi Saul, mcTt ©f t»he Day. in ihe Evening, my Head was cleafji tf Mr. David Brainerd. ^tk, 1 746. 1 75 clear, my Mind ferene; I enjoyed Sweetnefs in fecretPrayer>and Meditation onPfal. Ixxiii. 28. Oh, how free,how comfortable, cheerful, and yet folemn do I feel when I am in a good Meafure freed from thofe Damps and melancholy Glooms, that I often labour under ! And blefled be the Lord, I find my lelf re- lieved in this Refpedl. Tuefday, jlpril 15. My Soul longed for more Spirituality ; and it was my Burden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my Barrennefs is my daily Affliction and heavy Load ! Oh, how precious is Time : and how it pains me, to fee it Hide away, while I do (o very little to any good Purpofe ! Oh thatGod would make me more fruitful and fpiritual. [ The next Day, be fpeaks of his being almoft overwhelmed with vapoury Diforders ; but yet not io as wholly to deftroy the Compofurc of his Mind.] Thurfday, Jfpril 17. Enjoyed fome Comfort in Prayer, fome Freedom in Meditation, and Compofure in my Studies. Spent fome Time in writing, in the Forenoon. In the Afternoon, fpent fome Time in Converfation with feveral dear Minifiers. In the Evening, preached from P/aL Ixxiii. 28. But it is good for me io draw near to God. God helped me to feel the Truth of my Text, both in the firft Prayer and \n Sermon. I was enabled to pour.out my Soul to God, with great Freedom, Fer- vency, and AfFedlion : And, blefTed be the Lord, it was a com- fortable Seafon to me. I was enabled to fpeak with Tcndernefs, and yet with Faithfulnefs : And divine Truths feemed to fall with Weight and Influence upon the Hearers. My Heart was melted for the dear AfTembly, and I loved every Body in it ; and fcarce ever felt more Love to immortal Souls in my Life ; my Soul cried, Oh that the dear Creatures might bejaved ! Oh that God would have Mercy on them / [ He feems to have been in a very comfortable Frame of Mind the two next Days.] Lord *£- Day, ^/)r// 20. % Enjoyed fomeFreedomjand,! hope, Exercife of Faith in Prayer, in the Morning ; efpecially wiien I came to pray for "Lion. I was free from that gloomy Difcour- agement, that To often opprelTes my Mind ; and mySoul rejoyc- ed in the Hopes of lion's Profperity, an J the Enlargement of the dear Kingdom of the great Redeemer. 0\\ that his Kingdoxa might come. — ■ — X TliiDay he cnter'd ifito the ^^ih Year of his Age M Monday, Monday, Mrilii, Was compofed and comfortable InMind, moft of theDay : Was mercifully freed from thofe gloomy Damps, that I am frequently exercifed with : Had Freedom and Com- fort in Prayer, feveral Times ; efpecially had fome rifing Hopes of Teton's Enlargement and Profpcrity. And Oh, how refrefhing were thefe Hopes to my Soul ! Oh that the Kingdom of the dear Lord might come. Oh that the poor Indiam might quick- ly be gathered in, in great Numbers. Tuefday, April 22. My Mind was remarkably free, thisDay, from melancholy Damps and Glooms, and animated in my Work;. I found/uchfrefh Vigour and Refolution in the Ser- vice of God, that the Mountains fcem'd to become a Plain be- fore me. Oh, blefTed be God for an Interval of Refrefhment, and fervent Refolution in my Lord's Work ! In the Evening, my Soul was refrefh'd in fecret Prayer, and my Heart drawn out for divine Bleflings ; efpecially for the Church of God, and his Intereft among my own People, and for dear Friends in remote Places. Oh that Xion might profper, and precious Souls be brought home to God ! [ In this comfortable fervent Frame of Mind he remained thj two next Days. For the four Days next following, viz, Friday, Saturday, LordVDay, and Monday, fee his publick journal, ■ On Tuefday he went io E li f abet b -Town, to attend the meeting of the Prejbytery there : And feem'd to fpend the Time, while abfent from his People on this Oecafion, in a free and comfort- abje State of Mind. ] Saturday, Myy 3. Rode from Eltfaheth-Town home to my People, at or near Cranberry ; whither they are now removed, and where, I hope, God will fettle them as a Chriftian Congre- gation. Was refrefh'd in lifting up my Heart to God, while riding ; and enjoyed a thankful Frame of Spirit, for divine Fa- vours receiv'd the Week paft. Was fomewhat uneafy and dejed^ed, in the Evening ; having no Houfe of my own to go into in this Place : But God was my Support. [ For Lord's-Day and Monday, See the publick J^a-»'«a/. ] Tuefday, May 6. Enjoy'd fome Spirit and Courage in my Work ; was in a good Meafure free from Melancholy : Blefled be Gcd for Freedom from this Dtath, Wedncfdav, of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 746. 181 Wednefday, May 7. Spent moft of the Day in writing, as ufual. Enjoyed fome Freedom in my Work. Was favoured with fome comfortable Meditations, this Day. In theEvening, was in a fweet compofed Frame of Mind : Was pleafed and de- lighted to leave all with God, refpeding my fclf, for Time and Eternity, and refpedling the People of my Charge, and dear Friends : Had no Doubt but that God would take Care of me, and of his ownlntereft among my People : And was enabled to ufe Freedom in Prayer, as a Child with a tender Father. Oh, how fweet is fuch a Frame ! Thurfday, May 8. In the Evening, was fomewhat refrefh'd with divine Things, and enjoyed a tender melting Frame in fe- cret Prayer, wherein my Soul was drawn cut for the Intereft of Z;fl», and comforted with the lively Hope of the appearing of the Kingdom of the great Redeemer. Thefe were fweet Mo- ments : Ifelt almoftloth to go to Bed, and grieved that Sleep was necefTary. However, Hay down with a. tender reverential Fear of God, fenfible that his Favour is Life^ and his Smiles better than all that Earth can boaffc of, infinitely better than Life it felf. [ Friday, May 9. See the publick Journal ] Saturday, May 10. Rode to ^//^aVTiiun, to aflift in theAd- miniftration of theLord's-Supper. In the Afternoon, preach'd from 77/. ii. 14. Who gave him felf for us^ &c. God was pleafed to carry me thro^ withfbme Competency of Freedom ; and yet to deny me that Enlargement and Power I long'd for. In the Evening, my Soul mourn'd ,and could not but mourn, that I had treated fo excellent a Subjedt in To defective aManner,thatI had born fo broken a Teftimony for fo worthy and glorious a Re- deemer. And if myDifcourfe had met with the utmoftApplaufe from all the World ( as I accidentally heard it applauded by fome Perfons of Judgment ) it would not have given me any Satis- fadion : Oh, it grieved me, to think, that I had had no more holy Warmth and Fervency, that I had been no more melted in difcourfing of Chrifl's Death, and the End and Defign of it I Afterwards, enjoyed fome Freedom and Fervency in fe- cret and Family-Prayer, and longed much for the Prefence of God to attend his Word and Ordinances the next Day. Lord*s-Day, May 11. AiTified in the Adminiftration of the Lord's-Supper ; but enjoyed little Enlargement : Was grieved and funk with fome Things I thought undefirable, ^c. Jn the Afternoon, went to the Houfe of God weak and fick in Soul, i82 mt. 29; ^e LIFE as well as feeble in Body : And longed, that the People might be entertained and edified with divine Truths, and that an honeft fervent Teftimony might be born for God ; but knew not how it was poflible for me to do any Thingof that Kind, toany good Purpofe. Yet God, who is rich in Mercy, was pleafed to give me Afliftance, both in Prayer and Preaching : God helped me to vvreftle for his Prefence, in Prayer, and to tell him, that he had promifed. Where two or three are met together in his Name^ there he would he in the midjl of them ; and that we were, at leaft fome of us, fo met ; and pleaded, that for his Truth's fake he would be with us. And blefled be God, it was fweet to my Soul, thus to plead, and rely on God's Promifes. Difcourfed upon Luke ix. 30, 31. And behold^th ere talked with him twoMen^ tvhich were Mofes and Elias ; who appeared in Glory^ and fpaki §f his Deceafe^ which he /hould accompli/}} at]ti\x{d\Qm* Enjoyed fpccialFreedom, from theBeginning to the End of myDifcourfe, without Interruptfon. Things pertinent to the Subject were abundantly prefented to my View, and fuch a Fulnefs of Mat- ter, that I fcarce knew how to difmifs the various Heads and Particulars I had Occafion to touch upon. And, bleffed be the Lord, 1 was favoured with fome Fervency and Power, as well as Freedom ; fo that the VVord of God feem'd to awaken theAt- tention of a ftupid Audience, to a confiderable Degree. I was inwardly refrefh'd with the Confolations of God ; and could with my whole Heart fay, Tho^ there he no Fruit in the Fine^Szc. yet will 1 rfjoyce in the Lord. After publick Service, was refrefh'd with the fweet Converfation of fome Chriftian Friends. [ The four next Days fcem to have been moftly fpent with Xpiritual Comfort and Profit. ] Friday, ^l/^jy 16. Near Night, enjoyed fome agreeable and fweet Converfation with a dear Minifter, which, I truft, was blefs'd to my Soul : My Heart was warmed, and my Soul en- gaged to live to God ; fo that I longed to exert my felf with more Vigour, than ever I had done, in his Caufe : And thofe Words werequickning to me,/i/^m« xi wy Father glorified^ that ye bring forth much Fruit. Oh, my Soullonged, and wifh'd,and pray'cj, to be enabled to live to God with utmoft Conftancy and Ardour I ip the Evening, God was pleafed to (hine upon me in fecret Prayer, and draw out my Soul after himfelf ; and I had Freedom in Supplication for my felf, but much more in Inter- ceffion for others ; So that I was fweetly conftrain'd to hy^Lord^ uft e?/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1746. j8^ ufe me as theu wilt ; do as thou wilt with me : But Gh, pro^ mote thine own Caufe. Z'lon is thine ; Oh vi/tt thine Heritage • Oh let thy Kingdom come ; Oh let thy hlejfed Jntete/i be advanced in the U'orld. When I attempted to look to God, refpet^- ing my worldly Circumftances, and his providential Deal- ings with me, inRegard of my fettling down in my Congregati- on, which feems to be necefTary, and yet very difficult, and contrary to my fix*d Intention for Years paft, as well as my Difpofition, which has been, and ftill is, at Times efpecially, to go forth, and fpend my Life in preaching thcGofpel from Place to Place, and gathering Souls afar offio Jesus the great Re- deemer ; when I attempted to look to God with Regard to thefe Things, and hisDefigns concerning me, I could only fay, ne l^iU of the Lord be done : 'Tis no Matter forme. The fame Frame of Mind I felt with Refpe.l- nent in the Adminiftratioa of the Lord's Supper. In the Af- ternoon, preaeh'd from Pfw«^«/, and felt fomewhat melted and refrefh'd. In the Seafon of Communion, enjoyed feme Comfort ; and efpccially in ferving one of the Tables. BlefTed be the Lord, it was a ^Time of Refrejhing to me, and I truft, to many others. A Number of my dear People fat down by themfelves at the laft Table j at which Time God feem'd to be in the midft of them.— And the Thoughts of what God had done among them were refrefhing & melting to me. In theAfternoon,God enabled me to preach with uncommon Freedom, from 2 Cor,v, 20. Thro' the great Goodnefs of God, I was favoured with a conftant Flow of pertinent Matter, and propcrExpreirions,from the Beginning to the End of my Difcourfe. in the Even- ing, I could not but rejoice in God, and blefs him for the Mani- feftations of his Grace in the Day paft. Oh, it was a fwcet and folcmn Day and Evening ! A Seafon of Comfort to the Godly, 2nd of Mr. David Brainerd, A.D. 1745J 189 and of Awakning to fome Souls. Oh that I could praifc the Lord, Monday,7«»tf g.Enjoy'd fomeSweetnefs infecrctDu!ics.— — ; Preached the concluding Sermon from Gen, v. 24. And Enoch walked with God, &c. God gave me Enlargement and Fer- vency in my Difcourfe ; fo that I was enabled to fpeak with Plainnefs and Power ; and God's Prefence fecm'd to be in the AfTembly. Praifed be the Lord, it was a fweet Meeting, a defirable AfTembly. I found my Strength renewed,and length- ened out, even to a Wonder ; fo that I felt much ftronger at the Conclufion, than in the Beginning of this Sacramental So- lemnity. I have great Reafon to blefs God for this Solemnity, whereio I have found Affiftance in addreflingothers^andSweet- i|ef»in my own Soul. [OnTuefday, he found himfelf fpent, and his Spirits exhaufl- ed by his late Labours ; and on Wednefday, complains of va- poury Diforders, and Dcjedtion of Spirit, and of enjoying but little Comfort or Spirituality. ] Thurfday, ^une 12. In the Evening, enjoyed Freedom of Mind, and fome Sweetnefs in fecret Prayer : It was a defirable Seafon to me ; my Soul was enlarged in Prayer foi my own dear People, and for the Enlargement of Chrift'sKingdom,and efpccially for the Propagation of theGofpel among the Indiani^ back in the Wildernefs. Was refrefh'd in Prayer for d§ar Friends in New-England^ and elfewhere : I found it fweet to pray at this Time ; and could with all my Heart fay, Itij good for me to draw near to God, Friday, June 13. 1 came away from the Meeting of the Indians^ this Day, rejoycing and blefling God for his Grace manifefted at this Seafon. Saturday, June 14. Rode to Kingflon^ to aflift the Rev. Mr. Wahi in the Adminift ration of the Lord's Supper. In the Af- ternoon, preached ; but almoft fainted in the Pulpit : Yet God ftrengthen*d me when I was juft gone, and enabled me to fpeak his Word with Freedom, Fervency and Application to theCon- fcience. And praifed be theLord ; Out ofweaknefs J was made Jirong, I enjoyed fome Sweetnefs, in and after publickWorfhip; but was extreamly tired. Oh, how many are the Mercies of the Lord ! To them that hove no Mighty he incre'^feih Strength. Lord's- Day, June 15. Was in a deje£led fpiritlefs Frame, that I could not hold up my Head, nor look any Body in the • Face, 190 /S/. 29. Til? LIFE Face. Adminiftred the Lord's-Supper at Mr. WaUi*^ DefircJ And found my felf in a good Meafure unburdened and relieved of my prefling Load, when I came to afk a Bleffing on theEle- ments : Here God gave me Enlargement, and a tender affco^ tionate Senfe of fpirltualThings ; fo that it was aSeafon ofCom- fort, in fome Meafure, to me, and I truft,more fo to others. In the Afternoon, preach'd to a vaft Multitude, from Rev. xxii. 17. And whofoever willy Uc, God helped me toofFera Tefti- mony for himfelf, and to leave Sinners inexcufable in negledting his Grace. I was enabled to fpeak with fuch Freedom, Fluen- cy, and Clearnefs, as commanded the Attention of the Great. Was extreamly tired, in the Evening, but enjoyed Compofure and Sweetnefs. Monday, June 16. PreachM again ; and God helped me amazingly, fo that this was a fweet refrefliing Seafon to my Soul and others. Oh, forever bleffed be God for Help afforded at this Time, when my Body wasfo weak, and while there was fo large an AfTembly to hear. Spent the Afternoon in a com"* for table agreable Manner. [ The next Day was fpent comfortably. On Wednefday, he went to a meeting of Minifters at EopewilL Thurfday, June 19. See his publick Journal, * On Friday and Saturday, he was very much amifs ; but yet preach'd to his People on Saturday. His Ilinefs continued on theSabbaih; but he preach'd, notwithftanding, to his People, both Parts of the Day : And after the publick Worfhip was ended, he endeavoured to apply divine Truths to the Confcien- ces of fome, and addrefs'd them perfonally for that End : Se- veral were in Tears, and fome appeared much afFedled, But he was extremely wearied with the Services of the Day, and was foill at Night, that he could have no bodily Reft ; but re- marks, that God was his Support ^ and that he was mt left defti' iute of Comfort in him. On Mtjnday, he continued very 111 ; but fpeaks of his Mind's being calm and compofed, refigned to the divine DiTpenfations, and content with his feeble State. And by the Account he gives of himfelf, the remaining Part of this Week, he continued very feeble,and for the moft Part dejeded The publick Journal that has been fo often refcr'd iOf ^ncludjfj wiib the Accpuniof this Day. in (?/ Mr. David Braiflerd. AX),iy^6, 191 ed in Mind, and enjoy'd no great Freedom nor Sweetnefs in fpiritual Things ; excepting that for feme very fhort Spaces of Time he had Refrcfhment and Encouragement, which engaged bis Heart on divine Things ; and fometimes his Heart was xneited with fpiritual AiFedion. ] Lord VDay, Jum 29. Preach'd, both Parts of the Dayjfrom yoh, xiv. ip Tft a little while^ and the World feeth me no morcy &c. God was plcafed to ailift me, to afford me both Freedom and Power ^ efpecially towards the clofe of nay Difcourfes^both Forenoon, and Afternoon. God's Power appear'd in the Af- fembly, in both Exercifes. Numbers of God's People were rc/refh'd and melted with divine Thmgs ; ono or two comfort- ed, who had been long under Diftrefs : Convictions, in divers Inftances, powerfully revived ; and one Man in Years much awaken'd, who had not long frequented our Meeting, and ap- pear'd before as ftupid as a Stock. God amazingly renewed and lengthen'd out my Strength. J was fo fpent at Noon, that I could fcarcewalk, and all my Joints trembled ; fo that I could not fit, nor fo much as bold my Hand ftrll : And yet God ftrengihned me to preach with Power in the Afternoon j aliho' I had given out Word to my People, that I did not exped to be able to do it. Spent fome Time afterwards in converfing, particularly, with feveral Perfons, about their fpiritual State ; and had fome Satisfaction concerning one or two. Pray'd af- terwards with a fick Child, and gave a Word ot Exhortation. Was aiTifled in all my Work. BlefTed be God. Returned home with more Health, than I went out with ; altho my Lin- nen v/as wringing wet upon me, from a little after ten in the Morning, 'till paft five in the Afternoon. My Spirits alfo were confidefably refrefh'd ; and my Soul rejoiced in Hope, that I bad through Grace done fomething for God. In theEvening, •walked out, and enjoyed a fweet Seafon in fecret Prayer and Praife. But Oh, I found the Truth of the Pfalmif^^ Words, jyiy Goodnefi extendeih not io Thee J I could not make any Re- turns to God : I longed to five only to Him, and to be in Tune for his Praife and Service forever. Oh, for Spirituality and holy Fervency, that I might fpend and befp^nt for God, to my lateft Moment I Monday, June 30. Spent the Day in writing ; but under much Weaknefs and Diforder. Felt the Labours of the pre- ceeding Day ; altho' my Spirits were fo refrefh'd the Evening before, that I was not not then fenfible oi my being fpent. C c Tuefday, 192 Mu 29; W^ L I F E Tuefday, July I. In the Afternoon, vifited, and preach'd to my People, from Heh. ix. 27. on Occafion of fome Perfons jying at the Point of Death, in my Congregation. God gave me fome AfTiftance ; and his Word made fome Impreffions on the Audience, in general. This was an agreable and com- fortable Evening to my Soul : My Spirits were fomewhat re- frefh'd , with a fmall Degree of Freedom and Help enjoyed in my Work. '^ [ On Wednefday, he went to Newarh^ to a Meeting of the Prejhyteiy : Complains of lownefs of Spirits ; and greatly la- ments his fpending his Time fo unfruitfully. The remaining Part of the Week he fpent there, and at Elifabeth-Town ; and /peaks of Comfort and divine Afliftance, from Day to Day : But yet greatly complains for want of more Spirituality. ] Lord's-Day, July 6. [ At EUfaheth-Town ] Enjoyed fome Compofure and Serenity of Mind, in the Morning : HeardMr. Dicktnjon preach, in the Forenoon, and was refrefh'd wit^. his Difcourfe j was in a melting Frame , fome Part of the Time of Sermon : Partook of the Lord's- Supper, and enjoyed fome Senfe of divine Things in that Ordinance. In the Afternoon, I preach'd from E%ek. xxxiii. 11. As llive^ faith th$ Lord God^ Uc, God favcur'd me with Freedom andFcrvency ; and help- ed me to plead his Caufe, beyond my own Power. Monday, jfuly 7. My Spirits were confiderably refrefti'd and raifed, in the Morning. There is no Comfort, I find, in any Enjoyment, without enjoying God and being engaged in his Service. In the Evening, had the moft agreeable Converfation that ever I remember in all my Life, upon God's being all in all, and all Enjoyments being jufl thtt to us which God makes them, and no more. ^Tis good to begin and end with G0D4 Oh, how does a fweet Solemnity lay a Foundation for true Pleafure and Happinefs ! Tuefday, jfuly 8. Rode home, and enjoyed fome agreeable Meditations by the Way. Wednefday, July 9. Spent the Day in writing,enjojedfome Comfort and Refrefliiment of Spirit in my Evening-Retirement. Thurfday, July 10. Spent moft of theDay in writing. To- wards Night, rode to Mr. Tenmnt's ; enjoyed fome agreeable Converfation : Went home, in the Evening, in afolemn fweet Frame of Mind ; was refrefn'd in fecret Duties, longed to live wholly and only fcr God, and fav/ plainly, there was nothing in the •/Afr. David Brainerd. AD. 174(5. 193 the World worthy of myAfFc£lion ; fo that mv Heart was dead to all below ; yet not thro' Dejection as, at feme Times, but from Views of a better Inheritance. Friday, July ii» Was in a calm compofed Frame, in the Morning, efpecially in the Seafon of my fecret Retirement : i thinkjl was wellpleafed with the Will of Godjwhatever it was, or ihould be, in all Refpefls I had then any Thought of. Intend- ing toadminifter theLordVSupper the nextLord'sDay,! lookM to God for his Prefeuce and Ailiftance upon that Occalion ; but felt a Difpofition to fay. The Will of the Lord be done, whether it be to give me Afliftancc, or not. Spent fome little Time in •writing : Vifited the Indians^ and fpent fume Time in ferious Converfation with them ; thinking it not beft to preach, by Reafcn that many of them were abfent. Saturday, July 12. This Day was fpent in Faffing andPray- er by my Congregation, as preparatory to the Sacrament. I difcourfed, both Parts of the Day, from Rom. iv. 25. Who was delivered for our Offences, &c. God gave me fome AiTiflance \n my Difcourfes, and fomething of divine Power attended the Word ; fothat this was an agreeable Seafon. Afterwards \zd .them to a folemn Renewal of theirCovenant, and freihDedica- tion of themfelves to God. This was a Seafon both of Solemni- ty and Sweetnefs, and God feem'd to be in the inidjl of uu Re- turt)ed to my Lodgings, in theEvening, in a comfortableFrame of Mind. Lord's-Day, July i^' In the Forenoon, difcourfed on the Bread of Life, from Joh, vi. 35. God gave me fomeAiliftance, in Part of my Difcourfe efpecially; and there appeared fome tender AfFedlion in the Allembly under divine Truths ; my Soul alfo wasfomewhat rcfrefh*d. Adminiftred the Sacra- ment of the Lord's Supper to thirty-one Perfons of the Indians.. God feem'd to be prefent in this Ordinance ; the Communi- cants were fweetly melted and refrefh'd, molt of them. Ob, how they melted, even when theElements were firft uncovered \ There was fcarcely adry Eye amongft them, when I took off the Linnen, and fliewed thena the Symbols of Christ's broken Body, Having refted a little, after the Adminiflration of the Sacrament, I vifited the Communicants, and found them generally in a fweet loving Frame ; not unlike what appear'd among them on the former SacramentalOccafion, on Jpril 27. In the Afternoon, difcourfed upon coming to Christ, and the SatiifaSHonoA thofe who do fo, from the fameF^r/^ I infifted on iii the Forenoon, This was likcwifean agreeabls Seafon , a C c 2 SeafDfi 194 ^^- 29; ^he LIFE Seafon of much Tendernefs, AfFe6lIon and Enlargement in di- vine Service : And God, I am perfwaded,crown'd ourAfTembly with his divine Prefence. I returned home much fpent, yet rejoicing in the Goodnefs of God. Monday, Juiy 14. Went to my People, and difcourfed to them ixomPfal cxix 106. 1 hovg fworn^and I wiil perform it, Sic, Obferved, i. That ail God's "JudgmenU or Commandments 2.x t righteous. 2. That God's People have /«;ndernefs, and fpake with fome Influence. Divers were in Tears ; and fome, to Appearance, in Diftrefs. Monday y^/y 21. Preach'd to xht Indians, chiefly for the fake of fome Strangers. Then propofed my Defign of taking a Journey fpeedily ioSuJquahannah : Exhorted my People to pray for mc, that God would be with me in thatjourney, ^c. Then chofe divers Perfons of the Congregation to travel with me. Afterwards, fpcnt Time in difcourling to the Strangers, and was fomewhat encouraged with them. Took Care of my People's fecular Bufinefo, and was not a little exercifed with it. Had fpme Degree of Compofure and Comfort in fecret Retirement. TucfJay, Ju/y 22. Was in a deje6ted Frame, moft of the Pay : Wanted to wear out Life, and have it at anEnd ; but bad feme Defires of //W^tf-/^? Gopjand wearing out lAi^fgr him» 0\i Ithat i ^ould i;idced do To ! rxh^ of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. i y^6, igs [The nextDay, he went to Elijah eth-1 own ^ to a Meeting of the Prefbytery \ and fpent this, and Thurfday, and the former Part of Friday, under a very great Degree o\ Melancholy, and exceed ingGloominefs of Mind ; not through anyFear of future Punifhment, butas being diftrefTed with a Scnfelefnefs of all Good, fo that the whole World appeared empty and gloomy to him. Bur, in the latter Part of Friday, he was greatly relievM and comforted.] Saturday, July 26. Was comfor.table in the Morning ; my Countenance and Heart were not fad, as in Days paft ; enjoyM fome Sweetnefs in lifting up my Heart toGod. Rode Home to my People, and was in a comfortable pleafant Frame b/ the Way i my Spirits were much relieved of their Burden, and I felt free to go through all Di faculties and Labours in my Ma- iler's Service. Lord V Day, y^^jK 27. Difcourfed to my People,in theFore- noon, from Luke xii. 37. on the Duty and Benefit of watch- ing : God helped me in the latter Part of my Difcourfe, and the Power of God appeared in the AfTembly. In the Afternoon, difcourfed from Luke xiii. 25. Here alfo I enjoyed fome AfEft- ance, and the Spirit of God feemed to attend what was fpoken, fo that there was a great Solemnity, and fome Tears among In- dians and others. Monday, July 28. Was very weak, and fcarce able to per- form any Bufinefs at all ; but enjoyed Sweetnefs and Comfort in Prayer, both Morning and Evening ; and was compofed and comfortable thro' the Day : My Mind was intenfe, and my Heart fervent, at leaft in fome Degree, in fecret Duties j and I longed io Jpend and be fpent for God. Tuefday, y^/y 29. My Mind was chearful, and free from thofe melancholy Damps, that I am often exercifed with : Had Freedom in looking up to God, at fundry Times in the Day. In the Evening, I enjoyed a comfortable Seafon in fecretPrayer ; was help'd to plead with God for my own dear People, that he would carry on his own bleffed Work among them ; was afTifted alfo in praying for the divinePrefencc to attend me in my intend- ed Journey to Sufquahannah ; was alfo helped to remember dear Brethren and Friends in New- England : fcarce knew how fo leave the Throne of Grace, and it grieved me that I was obliged to go to Bed ; I longed to do fomething for God, but knew not how* jBIefled be God for this Freedom from De- jection* Wednefday^ 1^6 mt. 29; nt LIFE Wcdncfday, Jul^ 30. Was uncommonly comfortable, both in Body and Mind ; in the Forenoon efpecially : My Mind was folemn, I was afiifted in my Work, and God feem'd to be near to me ; fo that the Day was as comfortable as moft I have en- joyed for fome Time. In the Evening, was favoured with Afliftance in fecret Prayer, and felt much as I did the Evening before. BlefTed be God for that Freedom I then enjoyed at the Throne of Grace, for my felf, my People and my dear Friends. It is goad for me to draw near to God, [ He feems to have continued very much in the fame free, comfortable State of Mind the next Day.] Friday, Augujl i. In the Evening, enjoyed a fweet Seafon in fecret Prayer; Clouds of Darknefs and perplexing Care were fweetly fcatter'd, and nothing anxious remain'd. Ob, how ferene was my Mind at this Seafon I How free from that diftrafting Concern I have often felt I Th Will he done^ was a Petition fweet to my Soul ; and if God had bidden me chufe for my felf in any Affair ; I fhould have chofen rather to have refer'd the Choice to him ; for I faw he was infinitely wife, and could not do anyThing amifs, as I was in Danger of doing. Was afTifted in Prayer, for my dear Flock, that God would pro- mote his own Work among them^ and that God would go with me in my intended Journey to Sufquohannah ; was helped to remember dear Friends in New- England, and my dear Brethren in the Miniftry, 1 found enough in the fweet Duty of Prayer to have engaged me to continue in it the whole Night, would my bodily State have admitted of it. Oh, how fweet it is, to be enabled heartily to fay, Lord^not my Will, hut thine be done / Saturday, Aug. 2. Near Night, preach'd frohiMatih, xl. 29. Was confiderably helped ; and the Prefence of God feem'd to be fomewhat remarkably in the Aflembly ; divine Truths made powerful ImprefTions, both upon Saints and Sinners. Blefled be God for fuch a Revival among us. In the Evening, was very weary, but found my Spirits fupported and refrefti'd. Lord's-Day, Aug. 3. Difcourfed to my People, in the Fore- noon, from Colof. iii. 4. Obferved, that Cbri^ is the Believer's Life. God helped me, and gave me his Prefence in this Dif- courfe ; and it was a Seafon of confiderable Power In iheAfTem- bly. In the Afternoon, preach'd from Lukexix 41, 42. I en- joyed fome Affif^ance ; tho* not fo much as in the Forfenoon. in the Evening, I enjoyed Freedom and Swcetnefs in fecret Prayer ^ of Mr. David BrainerdJ A.D. 1746, j^j Prayer 5 God enlarged my Heart, freed me from melancholy Damps, and gave me Satista6lion in drawing neat to himfelf. Oh that my Soul could magnify the Lord, for thefe Seafoii? of Compofure and Refignation to his Will. Monday, Jug» 4. Spent the Day in writing ; enjoyed mach Freedom and AlTiftance m my Work : Was in a compofed and comfoitableFrame,moft of the Day ; and in theEvening enjoy- ed fome Swcetnefs in Prayer. BlelTed be God,mySpirits were yet up, and J was free from fmkins: Damps ; as I have been in general ever fince I came from EUfabetb-Town laft. Oh what a Mercy is this ! Friday, ^k^. 5. Towards Night, preach'd at the Funeral of one of my Chriftians, from Ifai, Ivii. 2. Was opprefled with the nervous Head-Ach, and confiderably dejected : However, had a little Freedom, fome Part of the Time I was difcourfing. Was extreamly weary in the Evening; but notwithftanding enjoyed fome Liberty and Chearfulnefs of Mind in Prayer ; and found the Dejedtionthat I feared,much removed, and mySpirits confiderably refrefh'd. [ He continued in a very comfortable chearful Frame of Mind the next Day, with his Heart enlarged in the Service of Thuvfday, Aug, 7. Rode to my HoufejWhere I fpent the laft "W inter, in order to bring fome Things I needed for my Sufqua- hannah*Jo\impy : Was refrefti'd to fee that Place, which God fo marvelloufly vifited with the Showers of his Grace. Oh how amazingl> did the Power of God often appear there [ Blefi tht Lordy O my Soul, and forget not ail his Benefits, [ The next Day, he fpeaks of Liberty, Enlargement, and Sweetneis of Mind, in Prayer and religious Converfation.] Saturday, Aug. g. In the Afternoon, vifited my People ; fet their Affairs m Order, as much as polfible, and contrived for them theManagement of their worldly Bufinefs : Difcourfed to thetn in afolemn Manner, and concluded with Prayer. Was com,-/jfed,and comfortable in the Evening, 2nd fomewbat fer- vent iQ iecret. Prayer : Had fome Senfe and View of the eternal World, and found a Serenity of Mind. Oh that I could magnify thcLord for any Freedom he affords nne in Prayec. , i^ord's-Day, Aug. 10. Difcourfed to my People, both Parts he Day, from ASis iii. 1^5. In dircourfing oi Repmtance, \n the Tg8 i&V. 29: ire^LIFE the Forenoon,Go^ helped me, (o that roy Difcourfe was fearch- ingj (owe were in Tears, both of the Indians and white People ; and thQ Word of God was attended withfome Power. In the Infermi/lion-Seafon, I was engaged in dlfcourfing to fome in or- der to their Baptifm ; as well as with One who had then lately met with feme Comfort, after fpiritual Trouble and Diflrefs. In the Afternoon, was fomewhat aflifted again, tho' weak and weary. Afterwards baptised 6 Perfons ; 3 Adults, and 3 Chil- dren. Was in a comfortable Frame in the Evening, and en- joyed fome Satisfa6lion in fecret Prayer. 1 fcarce ever in my Life felt my felt io full of Teniernefs, as this Day. Monday, Aug» 1 1. Being about to fet out on a Journey to Sufquahannah the next Day, with Leave of Providence, 1 fpent fome Time this Day in Prayer with my People, thatGod would blefs and fucceed my intended Journey, that he would fend forth his bleil'ed Spirit with his Word, and itt up his Kingdom among the poor Indians in the Wildernefs. While I was opening and applying Part of the cxth & iidPfaims,ihe Power cf God feem^d to defcend on the AfTembly in fome Meafure ; and while I was making the firft Prayer, Numbers were melted, and 1 found fome afFe<£tionateEnlargementof Soul my felf. Preach'd iromJ^s iv. 31. God helped me, and my interpreter alfo : Theie was a fhaking and melting among us ; and divers, I doubt not, were in fome Meafure JilUd with the Holy Ghofi, Afterwards, Mr. Mc Knight pray'd : I then open'd the two laft Stanza's of the Ixxiid Pfalm ; at which Time God was prefent with Ui, ; efpe- ciaily while I infifted upon theProm.ife o^ aU Nations hlejfing the great Redeemer : My Soul was 'efrefh'd, to think, that this Day, this blefTed glorious Seafbn, (houid furely come ; and I truft. Numbers of my dear People were alfo refrefh'd. After- wards prayM ; had fome Freedom,but was almoit 6pent : Then waik*d out, and left my People to carry on religious Exeroifes among themfelves : They pray'd repeatedly5and fung, while I refled and refrefh'd my felf. Afterwards, went to theMeeting; pray'd with, and difmife'd the AfTembly. BlefTed be God, this has been a Day of Grace. There were many Tears and afreftionate Sobs among us this Day. In the Evenin^i, my Soul was refrefh^d in Prayer : Enjoyed Liberty at the Throne of Grace, in praying for my People and l^riends and theChurch of Gcd in general. BUJs the Lord^ Omy SouL [ The next Day, he fet out on his Journey towards Sufqua* hannahy and fix of his Chriftian Indians with him, whom he had chofen (?/ Afr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1746. V99 chofen out of his Congregation, as thofe that he Judged moft fie to aflift him in the Bufinefs he was going upon. He took his Way through Philadelphia ; intending to go to Sufquahannah^ River, far down along,where it is fettled by the white People, below the Country inhabited by the Indians ; and fo to travel up the River to the Indian Habitations : For ahho' this was much further about,yet hereby he avoided the hugeMountains, and hideousWildernefsjthat muft be crofs'd m the nearerWay ; which in Time paft he had found to be extreamly difficult and fatiguing. He rode this Week as far as Charlejiown^ a Place of thatName about 30 Miles Weftward of Philadelphia ; where he arrived on Friday : And in his Way hither, was for the moft Part in a compofed comfortable State of Mind.] Saturday, Jug, 16. [ At Charlefiown ] It being a Day kept by thePeople of the Place Where I now was, as preparatory to the Celebration of the Lord's-Supper, I tarried ; heard Mr. Treat preach ; and then preach'd,my felf. God gave me fome good Degree of Freedom, and helped me to difcourfe with Warmth, and Application to the Confcience. Afterwards, I was refrcfh'd in Spirit, tho' much tired -, and fpent the Even- in conf.dera- ble Number Jlndiam : God help'd me, 1 arn perfwaded ; I was enabled to fpeak with much Plainnefs. and fome Warmth and Power. The Difcourfe had ImprefTion upon fome, and made them appear very fcrious. I thought. Things now ap- pear'd as encouraging,as they did at Crofwuh At the Time of my firft Vifit to thofe Indians. I was a little encouraged : I preffed Things with all my Might ; and "U'd out my Peo- ple, who were then prefent, to give in ih»r Tejimony iot God ; which they did. Towards Night was refrcfh d ; felt a Heart to pray for thefetting up of God's Kmgdoin here ; as well as for my deatCongregation below,and my dear Friends Wednefday, Jug. 27. There having been a thick Smoak, in the Houfe where I lodged, all Night before, whereby I was almoft choked, I wa3 this Morning diftrefs'd with Pains m my Head and Neck, and could have no Rett. In the Morning, the Emoak was flill the fame ; and a cold eaflerly Storm gathermg, I could neither live within Doors nor without, fny long 1 ime together ; I was pierced with the Rawnefs of the Air abroad, in the Houfe diflrefs'd with the Smoak. I was this Day very vapoury, and lived in greatDiftrefs.and had not Health enough to do any Thing to any Purpofe. Thurfday, M- 28- I" 'he Forenoon, was under great Concern of Mind about my Work. Was vifued by fome who defired to hear me preach; difcourfed to 'em, m the After- noon, with fome Fervency, antl laboured to perfwadeeni to turn to God. Was full of Concern for the Kingdom of Uiritt, and found fome Enlargement of Soul in Prayer, both in fecret and in myFamily. Scarcely ever faw moreclearly,than thisDay that 'tis God's V»ri to convert Souls, and efpecially poor Hmthms : 1 knew, I could not touch them; Ifaw, 1 could D d 2 «"'? 202 'Mt.K^^. ^re^LIFE cnly fpcak to dry Bones^ but could give them no Senfe of what I faid. My Eyes were up to God for Help : I could fay the Work was his j and if done, the Glory would be his, Friday, Aug. 29. Felt the fame Concern of Mind^ as the Day before. Enjoyed fome Freedom in Prayer, and a Satis- faaion to leave all with God. Travelled to the Delawares^ ^und itvf at home : Felt poorly, but wps able to fpend fome Time alone m readingGod'sWord &.inPrayer,3cenjoyedfome Sweetnefs in thefe Exercifes. In the Evening, was affifled re- peatedly in Prayer, and found fome Comfort in cominff to the Throne of Grace. Saturday, Jug. 30. Spent theForenoon in vifiting ^Trader^ that came down the River >i ; who appeared as ignorant as any Indian. In the Afternoon, fpent fome Time in Writing Reading and Prayer. . i^ord's-Day, Aug. 31. Spent much TJme,in theMorning, in fecret Duties : Found a Weight upon my Spirits, and could not but cry to God with Concern and Engagement of Soul. Spent fome Time alfo in reading and expounding God's Word to my dear Family, that was with me,as well as in Singing and Prayer with them. Afterwards, fpake the Word of God, to fome few of the Sufquahannah- Indians. In the Afternoon, felt very weak and feeble. Near Night, was fomething refrefh'd in Mind, wuh fome Views of Things relating to my great Work. Oh, how heavy is my Work, when Faith can't take hold of an Almighty Arm, for the Performance of it ! Many Times have I been ready to fink in this Cafe. BlefTed be God, that I may repair to a full Fountain. Monday, September i. Set out on ajourney towards a Place called The great Ifland, about50 MWesd'AUtithomShaumoking, in the North- weitern Branch of Sufquahannah. Travelled fome Part of the Way, and at Night lodged in tli.e Woods. Was exceeding feeb:e,thisDay,and fweat much the Night following. i uclday, S^^t. 2. Rode forward ; but no fafter than my 1 cople went on Foot. Was very weak, on this, as well as the preceedingDavs : Was fo feeble and faint,that 1 fear'd it would K\\\ me to he out m the open Air ; And fome of ourCompany being parted from u.s fo that we had, now no Ax with us, 1 had ?io vVay but to climb into a young Pine-Tree, and with my Knife to lop the Branchcs^and lo made a Shelter from theDew. but the Evening being cloudy and very likely for Rain, I was tt.h under Pears of being extremely expofcd : Sweat muc^m :iie.\ighr, to chat my Linen was almoft wringing wet all Night, of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1 746. 203 Nieht. I fcarce ever was more weak and weary, than this Evening, when I was able to fit up at all. This wa3 a melan- choly Situation I was in ; but I endeavoured to quiet my felf withConfiderations of the Pcffibiiity of my being m much worfe Circumftances,amongft Enemies, e^r^. Wednefday, Sept. 3. Rode to the Delaware-Tovjn ; found divers drinkinc^ and drunken. Difcourfed with feme of the 7«^/^«j about Chriftiariity; obferved my 7«/^rpr^/^r much eri- p-acred and affifled in his Work : Some few Perfons feem'd to hear with great Earneftnefs and Engagement of Soul. About Neon, rode to a fmall Town of Shauwaunoei, about 8 Miles dittant ; fpent an Hour or two there, and returned to UntDda- ^^r.-Town, and lodged there. Was fcarce ever more con- founded with a Senfe of my own Unfruitfulnefs and Unfitnef^ for my Work, than now. Oh, what a dead, heartlef3,bar ren, unprofitable Wretch did I now fee my felf to be ! My Spirits were fo low, and my bodily Strength fo wafted, that I could do nothing at all. At Length, being much overdone, lay down on a Buffalo-Skin ; but fweat much, the whole Night. Thurfday, Sept. 4. Difcourfed with the Indians^ in the Morning, about Chriftianity ; my Interpreter^ afterwards,car- rying on the Difcourfe, to a confiderable Length : Some few appeared well-difpofed, and fomewhat affeded. Left thisPlace, and returned towards Shaumoking ; and at Night lodged in the Place where 1 lodged the Monday-Night before : Was in very uncomfortable Circumftances in the Evening,my People being belated, and not coming to me 'till paft 10 at Night ; fo that I had no Fire to drefs any Viduals, or to keep me Warm, or keep ofF wild Beafts ; and I was fcarce ever more weak and worn out in all my Life. However, I lay down and flept be- fore my People came up, expedlng Nothing elfe but to fpend the whole Night alone and without Fire. Friday, Sept. 5. Was exceeding weak,fo that I could fcarce- ly ride ; it feem'd fometimes as if I muft fall ofFfrom myHorfe, and lie in the open Woods : However, got to Shaumoking^ towards Night : Felt, fomething of a Spirit of Thankmlnels, tftat God had fo far returned mc : Was refrefh'd, to fee one of my Chriilians, whom I \di here in my late Excurfion. Saturday, Sept. 6. Spent the Day in a very weak State ; Coughing'and fpitting Blood, and having little Appetite to any Food I had with me : Was able io do very little, except difcourfe a while of divine Things to my own People, and to fome few I met with. Had, by this Time, very little Life or Heart '204 Mt, 29; ^e LIFE Heart to fpeak for God, thro' Fecblenefs of Body, and Flatnefs of Spirits. Was fcarcely evermore afhamed and confounded in my felf, than now. I was fenfible, that there wereNum- bers of God's People, who knew I was then out apon a Defign {or at leaft the Pretence) of doing fomething for God, and in bis Caufe, among the poor Indians ; and they were ready to fuppofe, that I yi2i% fervent in Spirit : But Oh, the heartlefs Frame of Mind that I felt, fill'd me with Confufion ! Oh (methought) if God's People knew me, as God knows, they would not think fo highly of my Zeal and Refolution for God, as perhaps now they do ! I could not but defire they fhould fee how heartlefs and irrefolute I was, that they might be undeceived, and not think "^of me above what they ought to think. And yet I thought, if they faw the ufmoftof myFlat- nefs and Unfaithfulnefs, the Smallnefs of my Courage andRe- folution for God, they would be ready to fliut me out of their Doors, as unworthy of theCompany orFriendfhipof Chriftians. Lord's-Day, Sept. 7, Was much in the fame weak State of Body, and afBifted Frame of Mind, as in the preceedingDay: My Soul was grieved, and mourn'd, that I could do nothing for God. Read and expounded fome Part of God's Word to my own dear Family, and fpent fome Time in Prayer with them; difcourfed alfo a little ioih^Pagam: But fpent the Sabbath with little Comfort. Monday, Sept. 8. Spent the Forenon among the Indians ; in the Afternoon, left Shaumoking, and returned down the River, a few Miles. Had propofed to have tarried a confide- rable Time longer among the Indians upon Sufquahannah^ but washindred" from purfuing my Purpofe by the Sicknefs that prevailed there, the weakly Circumftances of my own People that were with me, & efpecially my own extraordinary Weak- nefs, having been exercifed with great nocturnal Sweats, and a coughing up of Blood, in almoft the whole of the Journey ; and was a great Part of the Time fo feeble and faint, that it feem'd as tho* I never fhould be able to reach home ; and at the fameTime very deftitute of theComforts& evenNeceflariei o(Life ; at leaft, what was necefTary for one in (o weak aState. In this Journey 1 fometimes was enabled to fpeak the Word of God with fome Power, and divine Truths made fome Impref* fions on divers that heard me ; fo thatfeveral, both Men and Women, old and young, feem'd to cleave to usy and be well difpofed towards Chri/iianity ; but others mocked and flouted, which damp'd thofe who before feem'd friendly, at leaflfome of (?/ Air, David Brainerd. A.D. 1746; 205 /". II. Rode homeward J but was very weak, and fometimes fcarce able to ride. Had a very impor.unatein Vi^ation to preach at aMeeting-Houfe I came by hePeople be inMften gathering ; but could not.byReafon ofWeaknefs.Was efigr..d ^and' compofed under my Weaknefs ; but was much exercifed with Concern for mv Companionsm Travel, whom I had left with much Regret, fome lame, and fome lick. Friday SM. .2. Rode about fifty Miles ; andcamejuftat Nigh tJ'a Chrift.an Fricnd'sHoufe, about 35 Miles Weftward froL Phiiaielphia. Was courteoufly received, and k'ndly en- terl^ir/d! and found my f=lf much refrca'd in the mtdft of my Weaknefs andFatigucs. Saturday, 2o6 JEi. 29; The LIF E Saturday, Sept, 13. Was ftill agreably entertained with Chriftian Friendfhip, and allThings neceiTary for my weakCir- cumftances ; In the Afternoon, heard Mr. Treat preach j and was refrefh'd in Convcrfation with him, in the Evening. LordVDay, 5^/>M4. At the Defire of Mr. Treat and the People, I preach'd both Parts of the Day ( but (hort ) from Luk. xiv. 23. God gave me fome Freedom and Warmth in my Difcourfe ; and 1 truft, helped me in fome Meafure to la- bour in fmglenefs of Heart, Was much tired in the Evening, but was comforted with the moft tender Treatment 1 ever met within my Life. My Mind, thro' the whole of this Day, was exceeding calm ; and I could afk for nothing in Prayer, with any Encouragement of Soul, but that the Will of God might be done, Monday, Sept, 15. Spent the whole Day, in Concert with Mr. Tre(.t, in Endeavours to compofe a Difference, fubfifting between certain Perfons in the Congregation where we now were ; There feem'd to be a Blefling on our Endeavours. In theEvening, baptized aChild : Was in a calm compofeuFrame^ and enjoyed ( I truft ) a fpiritual Senfe of divine Things, while adminiftring the Ordinance. Afterwards, fpent the Time in religious Converfation, 'till late in the Night. This was indeed a pleafant agreable Evening. Tuefday, Sept. 16. Continued ftill at my Friend's Houfe, about 25 Miles Weftward of Philadelphia, Was very weak, unable to perform any Bufinefs, and fcarcely able to fit up. Wednel'day, Sept. 17. Rode into Philadelphia. Still very weak, and my Cough and fpitting of Blood continued. Enjoy- ed fome agreable Converfation with Friends, but wanted more Spirituality.' Thurfday, Sept. 18. Went from Philadelphia toMr. Treat's : Was agreably entertained on the Road ; and was in a fweet compofed Frame, in the Evening. Friday, Sept. 19. Rode from Mr. Treat's to Mr. Stockton'^ at Prince-Town : Was extream weak, but kindly received and cnterrain'd. Spent the Evening with fome Degree of Satis- facS^ion. Saturdsy, Sfpi- 10. Arrived among my own People, juft at Night : Found 'em praying together : Went in, and gave them fome Account of God's Dealings with me and my Companions in the Journey ; which feem'd afFe and Death did not depend upon my Choice, I was pleafed, to think, that he who is infinitely wife, had the <« fcience prefs'd, by the Power and Dclufion of Satan^ «' to make and take the fame daily Survey of his Life in *« theTime of his Sicknefi : By Means of which he fpent *« his enfeebled Spirits, caft on Fuel to fire his Sicknefs. *« Had not a Friend of his convinced him of his erroneous «« ConrcicncemineadinghiniatthatTime,bebadmurdcr'd <« hisBody,outotConfciencetofavehisSouIand topreferve «' his Grace. And do you think thefe were theMotions of «< God'bSpirit, which \\kQ{hokLocu/fs^Rev.\x> 9, 10. Had " Faces likeA//«, but had Tails like Scorpions y^nd Stings ** in their Tails ?'* * This was the fourth Hou(c he built for his Refidencea- mong the Indium. Bcfidcs that at Kaunaumeek^ and that at the Forks of Delawatey and another at Crojweekjung^ he built one r.ovv at Cranbcry, Determination of Mr, David Brainerd. A,D. 1 746. 209 Determination of this Matter ; and that I had no Trouble, to confider and weighThings upon all Sides,in order to mi^kc the Choice, whether I would live or die. Thus my 1 ime was confumed ; I had little Strength to pray,none to write or read and fcarce any to meditate : But thro' divincGoodnef^J ecu d with ereat Compofure look Death in the Face, and frequently with fenfible Jov. Oh, how blefTed it is, to be habitually pre- pared '.ox Death'! The Lord grant, that I may htactudly rca- ^ Lord's-Day, Sept^ 28. Rode to my People ; and tho' under much VVeaknefs, attempted to preach,frcm 2 CorrAnx, 5. Dil- courfed about half an Hour 5 at which Seafon divme Power feem'd to attend the Word : But being extreme weak, I was obliged to defift ; and after a Turn of Pamtnefs, wiih much Difficulty, rode to my Lodgings; where betaking my k\i to my Bed, Hay in a burning Fever, and aim' ft delinous, for feveral Hours ; 'till towards Morning, my Fever went eft with a violent Sweat. I have often been fcverjfb, and unable to reft quietly after Preaching ; but this was the moll feverc diftreffint^ Turn, that ever Preaching brought upon me. Yet I fe't per%aiy at Keft in my own Mind, becaufe 1 had made my utmoft Attempts to fpcak for God, and knew I could do no more. r^ - 1 Tuefday, Sept, 30. Yeflerday, and to Day, was m me fame weak State, or rather weaker ihm in Days paft ; was fcarce able to fit up half the Day. Was in a corapofed V rame of Mind, remarkably free from Dejeaion and melancholy Damns ; as God has been plcafed, in great Meafure, to cc.i-^ ver me from tbefc unhappy Glooms, in the general Courfe of my prefent weakncfs hitherto, andalfo from a peevifn frowara Spirit : And Oh, how great a Mercy is this ! Oh thatl might always be perfeaiv quiet in Seafonsof greateftWeaknefs^altho Nature fhould fink and fail. Oh that 1 may always be^ anle with utmoft Sincerity to fay. Lord, not my Will, hut thine be iom / This, thro' Grace, I can fay at prefent, with Regard to Life or Death : The Lord do with tji^ ai feems gosd in his Sight ; that whether I live or die, I may ^/^rZ/y him, yNhox^ivorthyU remve BklTing, and Honour^ and Dominion forever.^ Amen, Saturday, OP.oh. 4. Spent the former Part of this Week un- ^er a great Decree of Infirm.ity and DIforder, as I had done feveral Weeks before : Was able however to ride a little every Day, altho' unable to fit up half the Day, 'till Thurfday. Took fome Cars daily of fomePerfons at work upon myHouic. E e 2 <-ii 2io ^7.29: ^/JtfLIFE On Friday, after Noon, found my felf wonderfully revived and ftrcngthen'd ; and having fome Time before given Notice to my People, and thofe of 'em at the Forks of Delaware in parti- cular, that I defigned with Leave of Providence to adminifter the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper upon the firft Sabbath in O^ober, the Sabbath now approaching, on Friday-Afternoon I preach'd, preparatory to the Sacrament, from 2 Cer. xiii. 5. Finifhing what I had propofed to offer upon the Subjedt the Sabbath before. The Sermon was blefs'd of God to the flirring up religious AfFedlion, and a Spirit of Devotion, in the Peo- ple of God ; and to the greatly afFeding one who had hack- Jlidden hom God ^ which caufed him to judge and condemn himfelf. I was furprizingly ftrengthned in my Work, while I was fpeaking : But was obliged immediately after to repair to Bed, being; no(v removed into my own Houfe among the 7/2- dians ; v/hich gave me fuch fpeedy Relief and Refrefhment, as I could not well have liv'd without. Spent fome Time on Frida) -Night in converfing with my People about divineThings, as I lay upon my Bed -, andfomd my Soul refrefh'd, tho* my Body was weak. This being Saturday, I difcourfed particu- larly with divers of the Communicants ; and this Afternoon preach'd from Z^^^. xii. 10. There feem'd to be a tender Melting, and hearty mourning for Sin, inNumbers in theCon- gregation. My Soul was in a comfortable Frame, and I en- joy'd Freedom andAfliftance in publick Service : Was my felf, as well as moftof the Congregation, much afFe6led with the humble Confeffion, and apparent Broken-heartednefs of the forementioned Eackjlider ; and could not but rejoyce, that God had given him fuch a Senfe of his Sin and tJnworthinefs, Was extremely tired in the Evenings but lay on my Bed, and difcourfed to my People. Lord*i-Day, OHoh. 5. Was ftill very weak ; and in the Morning, confiderably afraid I fliou'Id not be able to go thro' the Work of the Day ; having much lo do, both in private and publick. Difcourfed before the Adminiftration of the Sacra- ment, from 7 that he ever would difplay himfelf to Creatures : I rejoyced, that he was God, and longed that all fhould know it, and feci it, and rejoyce in it. Lord^ glorify ihy [elf^ was the Defire and Cry of my Soul. Oh that all People might love and praife the ble/Ted God : That. he might have all poffiblc Honour an^. Glory from the intelligent World. * After thiscomfortableThankfgiving-Seafon, I frequently en- joyed Freedom and Enlargement and Engagcdnefs of Soul in * About this Time he wrote .the yih Letier, publifhcd at the End of this Account of his Life. F f Prayer, 2i6 Mf. 2g. fl^e LIFE Prayer, and was enabled to intercede with God for my dear Congregation, very often for every Family, and every Perfon, in particular ; and it was often a great Comfort to me, that I could pray heartily to God for thofcjto whom I could not fpeak, and whom I was not allowed to fee. But at other Times, my Spirits were fo flat and low, and my bodily Vigoar To much wafted, that I had fcarce any Affedtiens at all. In December, I had revived fo far as to be able to walk abroad, and vifit Friends, and fecm*d to be on the gaining Hand with Regard to myHealth, inthe main,umil Lord's- Day D^fm^.2i. At which Time I went to the piblick Worlhip ; ind it being Sacrament- Day, I laboured much, at the Lord's-Table, to bring forth a certain Corruption, and have lijlaitty as beiiig an Emmy to God and my own Soul ; and could not but hope,that I had gain'd fome Strength againft this, as well as other Corrup- tions ; and felt fome Brokennefs of Heart for my Srn. After this, having perhaps taken fome Cold, I began to de- cline as to bodily Health j and continued todofo, *till the latter End of January^ 1746,7' And having a violent Cough, a con- iiderable Fever, and afthmatick Difordcr, and no Appetite for any Manner of Food, nor any Power of Digeftion, I was re- duced to fo low a State, that my Friends ( I believe ) generally defpaired of my Life ; and fome of them, for fome Time toge- ther,thought I could fcarce liveaDay to an End. In this Time, I could think of nothing with any Application of Mind, and feemed to be in a great Meafure void of all AffecSlion, and was cxercifed with greatTemptations i but yet was not, ordinarily, afraid of Death. On L«rd's-Day, Fsb. r. Tho' in a very weak and IbwState, I enjoyed a confidetablc deal of Comfort and Swectnefs in divine Things ; and was enabled to plead and ufe Arguments with God in Prayer, I think,with a Child-like Spirit. That PafTagc of Scripture occur'd to my Mind, and gave me greatAfliftancc, Jfjty bting Evily know btw ig ghi gtoel Gifts to your Children^ how much man luili ycur heavenly JJaihtr givt the holy Spirit to them that ofk bim ? This Text 1 was help'd to plead, and infift upon ; and law the divineFaithfulnefs engaged for dealing with me better than any earthly Parent can do with his Child. This Scafon fo refrefh'd my Soul, that my Body fcem'd ajfo to be a Gainer by it. And from thisTime, I began gradually to amend. And ss 1 recovered fome Strength, Vigour and Spirit, I found At Times foruq Freedgm and Life in the Excrcifes of Devotion, and (ims Longings after Spirituality and a Life of Ufefulnefs to the of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 747. \ i y the Interefts of the great Redeemer : Altho* at other Times, I was awfully barren and iifelefs, and out of Frame for the Things of God i fothat I was ready often to cry out, Oh that it wsn with me as in Months paft ! Oh that God had taken me away in the midft of my Ufcfulnefs, with a fudden Itroke, that I might not have been under a necelHty of trifling awayTime ixi Diverfions ! Oh that I had never lived to fpend fa much pre- cious Time, in fo poor a Manner, and to fo Ifttle Purpofe [ Thus I often reflected, was grieved, afhamed and even con* founded, ftjnk and difcouraged. On Tuefday, Feb. 24. I was able to ride as far as Newark^ ( having been confined within Eiifaheth-Town almoft fotir Months) and the next Day returned to EUfobeth'Toxvn. My Spirits were fomewhat refrefh'd with the Ride, tho' my Body was weary. On Saturday, Feh» 18. Was vifitei by an Indian of my own Congregation ; who brought me Letters, and goodNews of the fober and good Behaviour of my People, in general : This refrelh'd my Soul ; I could not bat foon retire, and blcf& God for his Goodncfs ; tnd found, I truft, a truly thankfu' Frame of Spirit, that God feem'd to be building up that Con- gregatioD for himfelf. On Wednefday, March 4, I met with Reproof from a Friend, which, altho' I thought I did not defcrve it from him, yet was ( I truft ) blefs'd of God to make me more tenderly afraid of Sin, m^osc jealous over my felf, and more concerned to keep both Heart and Life pure ind urkblameable : Itlikewife caufed me torcflc<5t en my paft Deadnefs, and want of Spiritu- ality, and to abhor my felf, ind look on my felf moft unworthy. This Frame of Mind continued the next Day ; and for feveral Days after, I grieved, to think, that in my necefTaryDiverfions I had not maintained more Serioufnefs, Solemnity, heavenly AflFe(5tion and Converfation. And thus my Spirits were often deprefs*d and funk, and yet, I truft, that Reproof w?,s mad« to be beneficial to me. Wednefday, March 11. Being kept in Elifaheth-Town as a Day of Fafting and Prayer, I was able to attend pubiick Wor- ihip ; which was the firftTime I was able fo to do ^fter Dec. 21. Oh, how much Weaknefs and Diftrefs did God carry me thro' in this Space of Time ! But having obtained Help from him, 1 yet live : Oh' that I could live more to his Glory. Lord's- Day, March 15. Was able again to attend the Dublick Worftiip, and felt fome carneft Deikes of being re- ' F f 2 ftored 2i8 2EL7.9: "The LIFE ficred to the Miniflerial Work : Felt, I think, fomc Spirit and Life, to fpeak for God. Wcdnefday, March 18. Rode out with a Defign to vlfit my People : And the next Day arrived among them : Was under great Deje6lion in my Journey. On Friday-Morning, 1 rofe early, walk'd about among my People, and inquired into their State and Concerns ; and found an additional Weight and Burden on my Spirits, upon hearing fame Things difagrceable. 1 endeavour'd to go to God with my DiflrefTcs, T^n^A made feme kind of lamentable Complaint ; and in a broken Manner fpread my Difficulties before God ; but notwiihftanding:, myMind continued very gloomy. About ten o'clock, I calPd my People together, and after having ex- piain'd and fung a Pfalm, I pray'd with them.* There was a Gonfiderable deal of Afle61:ion among them ; I doubt not, in fome Inftances, that which was more than mecrly natural. [ This was the ISji Interview^ that lie ever had with his People. About II o'clock the fame Day, he left 'em ; and the next Day, came to EUfabeih-Town y his Melancholy re- maining flill : A.nd he continued for a confidefable Time under a great Degree of Dejection thro' vapoury Diforders, ] Saturday, March 28. Was taken this Morning with violent griping Pains. Thcfc Pains were extreme, and conftant, for ieveral Hours ; fo that it fcem'd impoffible for me, without a Miracle, to live 24 Hours in fuch Diftrefs. I lay confined to i:iy Bed, the v/hole Day, and in diflrcfiing Pain, all the former Part of it : But it plealed God to blefs Means for the abatement of my DiRrefa. Was exceedingly weaken'd by this Pain, and continued fo for feveral Days following ; beiir.g ex- crcifed with a Fevef, Cough, 2nd nocSlurnal Sweats. In this tjiftrcffed Cafe, fo long as my Head was free of vapoury Con- fufions, Death appeared agreeable to me ; i look'don it as the Knd of Toils, and an Entrance into a Place where the ivcary are at refi ; and, 1 think, i had fome Rcliflx of the Entertain- ments of the heavenly State ; lo that by thefe I was allured and drawn, as well as driven by thcFatlgues of Life. Oh, how happy it is, to be drawn by Dcfircs of a State of perfect Holinefs ! Saturday, yj'/f/j/ 4. Was funk and dejccied, very rcftlefs and uncafy, by Reafon of the Miliinprovement of Time ; and yet knew not what to do : i longed to Ipend Time in Fafting and Prayer, that I miijbt be delivered from Indolence and Coldncfs in e?/ Mr. David Bralnerd." A.D. 1747. 210 in the Things of God ; but alas, I had not bodily Strength for thefeExercifes! Oh, how blefTed a Thing is it, to enjoy Peace of Confcience ! But how dreadful is a Want of inward Peace and Compofure of Soul ! 'Tis impoflible, I find, to en- joy this Happinefs without redeeming Time^ and maintaining a fpiritual Frame of Mind. Lord's-Day, April 5. It grieved me, to find my felf (q in- conceivably barren. My Soul thirfted for Grace : But alas, how far was I from obtaining what I faw fo exceeding excellent! I was ready to defpair of ever being a holy Creature ; and yet my Soul wasdefirousof /o//!7«;i;7^ bard after God ^ but never did I fee my felf fo far from having apprehended^ or being already p^r/>^f?, as at this Time. The Lord's Supper being this Day adminiftred, I attended the Ordinance : And tho* I faw in mv felf a dreadful Emptincfs, and want of Grace, and faw my felf as it were at an infinite Diftance from that Purity, which is becoming the Gofpel ; yet in the Seafon of Communion, efpe- cially in the Time of the Diftribution of the Bread, I enjoyed fome Warmth of Affe6lion, and felt a tender Love to the Bre- thren ; and, f think, to the glorious Redeemer, the Firji-hom among them. I endeavoured then to bring forth mine and /^/j Enemies, andfiay them before him ; and found great Freedom in begging Deliverance from this fpiritual Death, as well as in afking divine Favours for my Friends, and Congregation, and the Church of Chrift in general. TuefJay, April j. In the Afternoon, to^t to Newark^ in order to marry the Rev. Mr. Dickinfon f ; and in theEvening, performed that Work. Afterwards, rode home to Elifabeth- Town, in a pleafant Frame, full of Compofure and SweetneG. f The late learned and very excellent Mr. Jonathan Dickinson, Paftor of a Church in Elifabeth-Town,?iC'' fident of the College of New-Jerfey, and one of theCorr^f- pondents of the honourable Society in Scotland for propa- gating Chriftian Knowledge : Who had a great Efteem for Mr. Brainerd, and had kindly entertained him in his Houfe during his Sicknefs in the Winter paft ; and who, after afhort Illnefs,died in the next cnfuing O^ober, tw* Days after Mr. Braimrd, Thurfday, 2 20 Mt. 29; "tht LIFE Thurfday, April 9. Attended the Ordination of Mr.Tuder* and afterwards the Examination of Mr. Smith : Was in a com- fortable Frame of Mind this Day, and felt my Heart, I think, fometiraes in a fpiritual P'rame. Friday, Jpril 10. Spent the Forenoon in Prejbyterial Bufi- ncfs : In the Afternoon, rode to Eli/abeth-Town ; found my BroiJier John there ; J Spent fome Time in Converfation with him ; but was extreme weak and out-donje, my Spirits confi* derably funk, and my Mind dejedled. Monday, y//>r// 13. Affifted in exam4ning my 5rtf//^^r. In the Evening, was in a folemn devout Frame ; but was much overdoi>e and oppiefsM with a violent Head-ach. Tuefd^y, Jpril 14. Was able to do little ornothing : Spent fo:Tie Time with Mr. Byram and other Friends. This Day my Brother went to my People. VVednefday, Jpril 15. Found fome Freedom at theThrone of Grace, feveril Times this Day. In the Afternoon, was very weak, and (pent the Time to very little Purpofe ; and yet in the Evening, had ( I thought ) fome religious Warmth and fpi- xitual Defires in Prayer : MySoul feem*d to go forth afterGod, and take Complacence in his divine Perfe6lions. But alas, afterwards awfully letdown my Watch, and grew carelefs and fee u re. Thurfday, Jpril 16. Was in bitter Anguifh of Soul, in the Morning, fuch as I have fcarce ever felt, with a Senfe of Sin and Guilt. I continued in Diftrefs the whole Day, attempting ^ to * A worthy pious young Gentl&man ; who lived in theMi- jpiiftry but a very ihort Time : He died at Stratfield in Connecticut ^iht December following hisOrdination ; being a little while after Mr. Brainerd's De^ih^i Northampton, He was ^aken ill on a Journey, returning from a Vifit to his Friends at J'Jilton ( in the Majfachufetti ) which, as I take it, was his native ?hQQ^^n<^Har yard- College {h^?\d,QC of his Education. % This Brother of his had been fent for by xhtCorrefpondents^ to take Care or,and inftru6l Mr. Brainerd's Congregation of Indians ; he being obliged by his Illnefs to be abfent from them. And he continued to take Care of them 'till Mr. Brainerd^s Death : and fince his Death, has been or- dained his ^ucctjfor in his Miflion, and to theCharge of his Congregation ; which continues much to flourifh under his paftoral Cai^. (|/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1747; 221 to pray whcre-ever I went ; & indeed could not help fo doing : but look'd upon my felf fo vile, I dared not look any Body in the Face ; and was even grieved, that any Body fhould fhew mc any Refpedt, or at leaft, that they fhould be fo deceived as to think I deferved it. Friday, jfprjl 17. In the Evening, could not but think,that God helped me to draw near to the Throne of Grace, tho' moft unworthy, and gave me a Senfe of his Favour ; which gave me inexpreflibleSupport andEncouragement ; tho' I fcarcely dared to hope the Mercy was real, it appeared fo great : Yet could not but rcjoyce, that ever God (hould difcover his reconciled Face to fuch a vile Sinner. Shame and Confufion, at Times, covered mc ; and then Hope and Joy and Admiration of divine Goodnefs gain'd the Afcendant. Sometimes I could not but admire the divine Goodnefs, that the Lord had not let me fall into all the groflefl vileft Ads of Sin and open Scandal, that could be thought of ; and felt my felf fo neceffitated to praife God, that this was ready for a little while to fwallow up my Shame andPrelTure of Spirit on Account of my Sins. [ After this, his Deje6lion and Frefiure of Spirit returned ; and he remained under it the two next Days. J Monday, Jpril 20. VVas in a very difordered State,and kept my Bed moft of the Day. I enjoyed a little more Comfort, than in ftveral of the preceeding Days. This Day I arrived at the Age of 29 Years. Tuefday, April 21. I fet out on my Journey for New- Eng- land, in order ( if it might be the Will of God ) to recover my Health by riding: Travelled to NewTork^ and thece lodged. * [ This proved his final Departure from New-Jerfey,^' He travelled flowly, and arrived among his Friends at ^afi- Haddam, about the beginning of May* There is very \\{.\\c. Ac- count in his Diary, of the Time that pafs'd from hisfetting out on this Journey to May 10. He fpeaks of his fometinies find- ing his Heart rejoicing in the glorious Perfections of God, and longing to live to him; but complains of the Unfixcdncfs of hisTho'ts, and their being eafily diverted from divine Subjects, and cries out of his Leannefs, as tefJifying sgainfl him, in the loudefl Manner. And concerning ihofe Divcrjioni he was ob- liged to ufc for his HeaUbj he fays, that he fometimes found he could 222 Mt.zo. Sn&^LIFE could ufe Diverfions with fenglenefs of Hearty aifning at the Glory of God ; but that he alfo found there was a Neceflity of great Care and Watchfulnefs, left he fliould lofe that fpiri- tual Temper of Mind in his Diverfions, and left they Ihould degenerate into what was mcerly fclfifh, without any fupremc Aim at the Glory of God in them. ] Lord's-Day, May lO. ( At Had-Lims) I could not but feel fomeMeafure of Gratitude to God ^t thisTime (wherein I was much exercifed ) that he had always difpofed me, in myMi- niftry,to infift on the great Dodlrines of Regeneration, the Neiw Creature, Faith in Chri/i, progrejjive Sanctification, fuprsme Lovi to God, living intirely io the Glory of God, being not our own, and the like: God has helped me to fee, in the fureft Manner^ from Time to Time, that thefe, and the likeDo6lrines,neceira- rily connected with them, are the^«/y Foundation of Safety and Salvation for perifhing Sinners ; and that thofe divine Difpofi- tions, which are confonant hereto, are that Flolinefs, without which no Manjhallfee the Lord : The Exercife of thefeGod-likc Temper?, wherein the Soul adls in a kind of Concert with God, and would be and do every Thing that is pleafmg to God ; This, 1 faw, would ftand by the Soul in a dying Hour ; For God muft, I think, deny Himfelf, if he caftsaway his own Imager even the Soul that is one in Defires with himfelf. LordVDay, May 17. (At Millington ) Spent the Forenoon at Home, being unable to attend the pubiick Worfhip. At this Time, God gave me iome afFeding Senfe of my own Vile- xicfs, and the exceeding Sinfulnefs of my Heart ; that there feem'd to be Nothing but Sin and Corruption within me. Innu- merable Evils compfi'dme about ; my want of Spirituality and holy living, my neg!e'/,God's loving them^ and the like. [ On Thurfday, May 28. He came from Long- Meadoiv to Northampton ; appearing vaftly better than, by his Account, he had beenia the Winter ; indeed fo well, that he was able to ride 25 Miles in a Day,and to walk half a Mile ; and appeared chearful, and. free from Melancholy : But yet undoubtedly, at that Time, in a confirmed, incurable Confumption. I had had much Opportunity, before this, of particular Infor- mation concerning him, from many that were well acquainted with him ; and had my felf once anOpportunity of conliderable Converfation and fome Acquaintance with \{\v[\^ziNew- Haven ^ near four Years before, in the Time of the Commencement when he offered that Confcffion to the Redtor of the College, that has been already mentionM in this Hiftory ; I being one he was pleafed then feveral Times to confult on that Affair : But novi^ 1 had Opportunity for a more full Acquaintance with hirn. I found him remarkably fociab]e,pleafant, and entertaining in his Converfation ; yet folid, fiwoury, fpiritual, and very profitable ; appearing meek, modeft, and humble, far from any Stiffnefs, Morofenefs, fuperftitious Demurenefs, or affcded Singularity in Speech orBehaviour,and feeming to naufeate ail fuch Thirgs. We enjoyed not only the Benefit of his Converfation, but had the Comfort and Advantage of hearing him pray in theFamily; G 2 ^ro™ 224 ^/. 30. The LIFE fr(5m Time to Time. His Manner of praying' was very agre- able ; molt becoming a Worm of the Duft, and a Difciple of Chrift, addreffing to an infinitely c;reat and holy God, and Fa- ther of Mercies ; not with florid Expreflions, or a ftudy'd Elo- quence } not with any intemperate V^ehemence, or indecent Boldnefs ; at the greateit Diftance from any Appearance of Oftentation, and from every Thing that might look as tho' he meant to recommend himfelf to thofe that were about him,or fet himfelf ofF to their Acceptance ; free too from vainRcpetitions, without imperinentExcurfionsjOr needlefsmultiplyingofWords. HeexprelFed himfelf with the Itndleft Propriety, with Weight, and Pungency ; and yet what his Lips uttered feem'd to flow from x\iQfulnefi of his Heart, as deeply impreflTed with a great and folemn Senfe of our Neceflities, Unworthinefs, and Depen- dance, and of God's infinite Greatnefs, Excellency and Suffi- ciency, rather than meerly from a warm and fruitful Brain, pouring out good Expreflions. And I know not, that ever I heard him (o much as afk a BleiTm 5 or return Thanks at Table, but there was fumething remarkable, to be obferved both in the Matter and Manner of the Performance. In his Prayers, he infifted much on the Profperity of Xion^ the Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom in the World, and the Flourifhing and Pro- pagation of Religion among the Indians* And he generally made it one Petition in his VtzyfLX^that we might not out- Jive our Vfefulnefs,] Lord's-Day, May 31. [At Ncrthamptotty] I had little inward Sweetnefs in Religion, moft of the Week paft ; not realifing and beholding fpintually thcGIory ofQod^andthe hleJfedRedeemer ; from whence always arife my Comforts and Joys m Religion, if I have any at all : And if f can't io behold the Excellencies and Perfe6tions of God, as to caufe me to rejoyce in him fcr what he is in himfelf^ I have no folidFoundition f irjoy. To rcjcyce, only bccauie I apprehend I have an Intereji in Ckrijly and fhall be finally faved, is a poor mean Bufinefs indeed. [ This Week, he confulted Dr. Mather^ at my Floufe, con- cerning his Illnefs ; who plainly told him, that there were great Evidences of his being in a confirmed Confumptiony and that he could give him 110 Encouragement, that he (hould ever re- cover. But it fecmed not to occafion the leaft Difcompofure in him, nor to make any Manner of Alteration as to theCJhear- fulrcfs and Serenity of his Mind, or the Freedam or Pieafant- iiefsofhij Converfation.j Lord V Day, o/ Mr. David Brain crd: A. D. 1747.' 225 Lord*s-Day, J«w^ 7. My Attention wa^ greatly engaged, and my Soul (o drawn forth, this Day, by what I heard ot the exceeding Precioujntfs of the faving Grace of Goo's Spirit^ thai it almoft overcame my Body, in my weak State: I faw, that true Grace is exceeding precious indeed ; that it is very rare ; and that there is but a very fmall Degree of it, even where the Reality of it is to be found ; at leaft, I faw this to b^ my Cafe. In the preceeding Week, I enjoyed fome comfortable Seafons of Meditation. One Morning, the Caufe of God appeared exceeding precious to me : The Redeemer'sfCingdom is all that is valuable in the Earth, and I could -noTbut Jong for the Pro- motion of it in the World : I faw alfo, thn this Caufe is God's, that he has an infinitely greater Regard and Concern for it, than I could pofTibly have ; that if I have any true Love to this blefTed Intereft, it is only a Drop derive:^ from that Ocean. Hence, I was ready to lifiup my Head with Joy ; and conclude, IFeli, if God's Caufe be fo dear and precious to him^ he will promote it. And thus I did as it were reft on God, that furely he would promote that which was (o agreable to his own will ; tho' the Time, when, muft ftill be left to his fovereign Pleafure. [ He was advifed by Phyficians flill to continue Riding, as what would tend, above any other Means, to prolong his Life. He was at a Lofs, for fomeTime, which Way to bend hisCourfe next j but finally determined to ride from hence to Bojlon ; we having concluded that One of this Family fhould go with him, and be helpful to him in his weak and low State. ] Tuefday, June 9. [ fet out on a Journey from Northampton to Boflon : Travelled flowly, and got fome Acquaintance with divers Minifters on the Road. I having now continued to ride for fome confiGerable Tims together, felt my felf much better than I bad formerly done ; and I found, that in Proportion to the Profpea I had of bein^ reftored to a State of Ufefulnefs, fo Idefired the Continuance of Life: ButD^a/^ appear'd inconceivably more defirable to me, than a ufelefs Life ; yet blefied be God, I found my Heart, at Times, fully refigned and reconciled to this greateit of M- ilidions, if God faw fit thus to deal with me. Friday, June 12. I arrived in Bcflon this Day, fcmewhat fa- tigued with my Journey. Obferved, that there is no ReJ}, but in God : Fatigues of fiody, and Anxieties of Mind attend uif, both in Town and Country ; no Place is exempted. 'G g a I^of^^ S'Day, \i6 Ml 30: K^ L I F E Lord's-Day, June 14. I enjoyed fome Enlargement &Sweet- nefs in Family-Prayer, as well as in fecrct Exercifes ; Godap- pear'd excellent, his Ways full of Pleafure and Peace, and all I wanted was a Spirit of holy Fervency, to live to him. Wednefday, June 17. This, and the two prcceeding Days, I fpent mainly in vifiting the Minifters of the Town, and was treated with great Refpedl by them. On Thttrfday,ytt«^ i8. 1 was taken exceeding ill,and bro't to the Gates of Death, by the breaking of fmallUlcers in my Lungs, as my Phyfician fuppofed. In this extreme weak State I conti- nued for feveral Weeks, and was frequently reduced fo low, as to be utterly Specchlefs, and not able fo much as to whifper a Word; and even after I had fo far revived, as to walk about Houfe, and to f!ep out of Doors, I was exercifed every Day with a faint Turn, which continued ufually four or fiveHours; at which Times, tho* I was not utterly Speechlefs, fo but that I could fay Yes or iV<7, yet I could not converfe at all, nor fpeak cne Sentence without making Stops for Breath ; and divers Times in this Seafon, my Friends gathered round my Bed, to fee me breathe my laft, which they iook'd'for every Moment, as I my felf ajfo ^\<^. How I was, the firft Day or two of my Illnefs,withRegard to the Exetcifeof i?^rtfy9//, 1 fcarcely know ; but I believe I was fomething fhattei'd witn the Violence of the Fever, at Times : But the third Diy of my Illnefs, and conftantly afterwards, for four or five Weeks together, I enjoyed as much Serenity o£ JMind, and Clearrefsof Thought, as perhaps I ever did in my Xi''e ; and I think, my Mind never penetrated with fo much Eafe and Freedom into divine Things, as at this Time j and I never felt fo capable of demonftrating the Truth of many im- portant Dc6l:ines of the Gofpel as now. And as I faw clearly the Truth o^ rhofe great Do£lrines, which are juftly fliled the DOCTRINES of GRACE ; fo I faw with no lefs Clcarnefs, that the EJfence of Religion confified in the SouPs Conformitv to God, and ading above all felfi(h Views, for /;// Glory y longing to be for him, to live to him, and pleafe and honour him in all Things ; and this /rom a clear View of his infinite Excellency andWorthiners/'/z hirrfelf, to be loved, adored, worfhippcd,and ferved by all inrelh'gent Creatuies. Thus I faw, that when a Soul /fl7^//God with a fupreme Love, he therein adls lih the bleiled God himfelf, v.'ho moft juftly loves himfelf in that Manner : So when God's Intereft and his are become one, and he longs that Gg'J fhould be^/oW^^W, and rejoyces to think that he is unchangeably . and Converfation, the Entertainment he met with, and what pafs'd relating to him while in Bojlcn ; as he was conflantly attended, during his Continuance there, by one •f my Children, in oidcr to his AfTiftancc in his Illncfs. Mr. i/ Mr. David Braincrd. A.D. 1747. 231 Mr. Brainerd's Reftoration from his extreamly low State in So/ion^ fo as to go abroad again and to travel, was very .unex- pected to him and his Friends. My Daughter who was wili'^^him, writes thus concerning him,in a Letter datedya«^ 23. «'- <^ OnThurrday,he was very ill with a violentFevcr, & extreme " Pain in his Head and Breaftjand, at Turns, delirious. So he «< remained 'till SaturdayEvening,when hefeemM to be in the <« Agonies of Death : The Family was up with him *tillone «« or two o'clock, expecting every Hour would be his laft. On <« Sabbath Day he was a little revived, his Head was better, <« but very full of Paift,and exceeding fore at his Breaft, much <« put to it for Breath &c. Yefterday he was better upon all «« Accounts. Laft Night he ilept but little. This Morning <« he is much worfe.— — Do^otFynchon faySjhe has noHopes *« of his Life ; nor docs be think it likely he will ever come <« out of the Chamber ; tho' he fays, he may be able to come «« to Northampton.^—' — In another Letter dated June 29. She fays as follows. <« Mr» <« Brainetd has not fo much Pain nor Fever, fince I laft wrote, «« as before : Yet he is extreamly weak and low, and very « faint, expecting every Day will be his laft. He fays, 'tis im' <« pofflble for him to live^ for warn of Life. He has hardly Vi- <« gour enough to draw his Breath. I went this Morning into «* Town, and when I came Home, Mr. Browfield faid, he «« never expedled I (houldfeehim alive ; for he lay twoHours, «« as- they thought, dying ; One could fcarcely tell, whether «' he was alive, or not ; he was not able to fpeak, for fome *« Time: But now is much as he was before. The DoSlor *« thinks, he will drop away in fuch a Turn. Mr. Brainerd <« fays, he never felt any Thing fo much like Diffolution, as «« what he felt to Day ; and faySjhe never had any Conception «' of its being poflible for any Creature to be alive, and yet fo <« weak as he is from Day to Day — Dodlor Pyruhon fays, «« he (hould not be furprized, if he (hould fo recover as to live «' half a Year ; nor would it furprize him, ii hefhould die in <« half a Day. Since I began to write, he is not fo well ; hav- '< ing had a faint Turn again : Yet patient and refigned, hav- «' ing no diftrefiing Fears, but the contrary.'' His Phyfician, the honourable Jofepl Pynchon Efq; when he vifited him in his extream lllnefsin Boflon^ attributed his fink- ing fo fuddenly Mnto a State fo extreamly low, and nigh unto Death, to the breaking of Ulcers, that had been long gathering in his Lungs (as Mr, Brainerd himfelf intimates in a foremcn- H h tion'^ 232 ^t.zo. sriifLIFE tion'd Paffege in his Diary) and there difcharging and dlffufing their £.prulent Matter ; which, while Nature was labouring and fl.uggling to throw ofF (that could be done no otherwife, than by a gradual ftrainingof it thro* the fmall Veflels of thofc vital Parts ) This occafion'd an high Fever, and violentCough- ing, and threw the whole Frame of Nature into the utmoft Diforder, and brought it near to a Diflblution. But fuppofed, if the Sftength of Nature held 'till the Lungs had this Way gra« dually cleared themfclves of this putid Matter, he might revive^ and continue better, 'till new Ulcers gathered and broke j but then would furely fmk again ; and that 4here was no Hope of his Recovery ; but ( as he exprelTed himfclf to one of my Neigh- bours, who at that Time faw him in £ oft on) he was as certainly a dead Man, as if he was (hot through the Heart. But fo it was ordered in divine Providence, that the Strength of Nature held out through this great Confli£t, fo as juft to cfcape the Grave at that Turn ; and then he revived, to the Aftonifhment of all that knew his Cafe. After he began to revive, he was vifited by his youngeft Bro- ther, Mr. JJrael Bramrd, a Student at Tale- College ; who hav- ing heard of his extreme lllnefs, went from thence to Sofion^ in order to fee him, if he might find him alive, which he but little expected. This Vifit was attended with a mixture of Joy and Sorrow to Mr. Brainerd* He greatly rejoyced to fee his Brother, efpecially bccaufe he had defired an Opportunity of fome religiousConver- fation with him before he died. But this meeting was attended with Sorrow, as hisBrother ^♦rought tohim the forrowfulTidings of his Sifter Spencer' sDc^ih at Haddam ; a Sifter,between whom and him had long fubfifted a peculiarly dear AfFe(Slion,and much Intimacy in fpiritual Matters, and whofe Houfe he ufed to make his Home, when he went to Haddam^ his native Place. He had heard nothing of her Sicknefs 'till this Report of herDeath. But he had thefe Comforts, together with the Tidings, viz, a Confidence of her being gone to Heaven, and an Expedation of his foon meeting her there. — His Brother continued with him 'till he left the Town, and came with him from thence to JNorthampton. Concerning the laft Sabbath Mr. Broinerd {pent in Boflon^ he writes in his Diary as follows.] Lord's-Day, July ig. I was juft able to attend publickWcr- fliip, being carried to the Houfe of God in a Chaife. Heard Or, Sen,':ill pre;ich, in the Forenoon ; Partook of the Lord's- Supper [ i?/iVfr. David Brainerd. A,D. 1747. 2^:^ Supper at this Time. In this Sacrament, 1 faw aftonifhing di- vine Wifdom difplay'd ; fuch Wifdom as I faw required the Tongues of Angels and glorified Saints to celebrats : It feemM to me, I never (hould do any Thing at adoring the infinite Wif- dom of God difcovered in theContrivance of Man's Redemption, until I arrived at a World of Pcrfeflion ; yet I could not help ftriving to call upon my Soul and all within me to blcfs the Name of God.' > • ■ In the Aftcrnoonjheard Mr. Prince preach.--- 1 faw more of God in the Wifdom difcovered in the Plan of Man** Redemption, than! faw of any other of his Peifedlions, through the whole Day. [ He left Bo^on the nextDay. But before he came away, he had Occafion to bear a very full plain and openTe/iimon^ againft that Opinion, that the EJfence of faving Faith lies in believing thatCbriJi died for me in particular ^Tind that this is the fr/i A£t of Faith in a true Believer's clofing v/ith Chrift. He did it in a long Conference he had with a Gentleman, that has very pub- lickly and flrenuoufly appeared to defend that Tenet. He had this Difcourfe with him in the Prefence of a Number of confi- derable Perfons, who came to vifit Mr. Brainerd before he left the Town, and to take their Leave of him. In which Debate, he made this plain Declaration (at the fame Time confirming what he faid, by many Arguments) That the EJfence o{ faving Faith was wholly left out of that Definition of faving Faith which that Gentleman has publifhed ; and that the Faith which he had defined, had nothing of God in it, nothing above Na- ture, nor indeed above the Power of the Devils ; and that all fuch as had thit Faith, and had no better, tho* they might have this to never fo high a Degree, would furely perifh. And he declar'd alfo, that he never had greater AJfurame of the Falfe- nefs of the Principles of thofe that maintained /^^t-^ ^ Faith, and of their dangerous and deflrudive Tendency, or a more affecl- ing Senfe of the great Delufion and Mifery of thofe that de- pended on getting to Heaven hy fuch a Faith (while they had no better)ihzn he lately had when he was fuppofed to be at thePoint to^/V,and expedled everyMinutetopafsinto£/^r«/0'. M^* i5r/. 19. near Night, while I attempted to walk a little, my Tho'ts turned thus ; How infinitely J weet it is,to Icvs God, and be all for him ! Upon which it was fuggcf^ed to me, Tou are not an Jngel,mi lively and a^ive. To which my whole Soul immediately replied, I asfimerely defire to love and glorify God,as any Angel in Heaven. Upon which it was fuggefted again. But you are filthy, not fit for Heaven. Hereupon inftantly appear'd the blefled Robes of Christ's i^/^^/.-^w/K^V^', which 1 could not but exult and triumph in ; and 1 viewM the infifsiieExceilency of God, and my Soul even broke with Longings, that God {hoMht glorified, I thought of Dignity in Heaven ; but m- ftantly theTho't returned, 1 don't goto Heaven to get Honour , hut to ^ive all poj/ihle Glory and Ptaife, Oh, how I longed, that God (hould be glorified on Earth alfo I Oh, I was made, for Eternity, if God might be glorified ! Bodily Pains I cared not for ; Tho' I was then in Extremity, I never felt eafier 5 I felt willing to glorify GoTi in that State of bodily Diftrefs, as long as he pleafed i Ihould continue in it. The Gravf appeared reahy I i 3 (wczt^ 242 v^/. 30. ^be LIFE ' fwect, and I longed to lodge my weary Bones in it : But Oh that God might be glorified ! this was the Burden of all myCry. Oh, 1 knew, 1 (hould be ailive as an Angel, in Heaven ; and that I fhould be ftrip*d of my Jilt hyG arm ents ! So that there wa» no Objedlion. But Oh, to love Sind praife God more, to plea/e him for ever ! This my Soul panted after, and even now pants for while 1 write. Oh, that God might be glorified in the whole Earth. Lord, let thy Kingdom come. I longed for a Spi- lit of Preaching to defcend and reft on iIf/»//?tfrj, that they might addrefs the Confciences of Men with Clofenefs and Power. I law, God had the refidue of the Spirit ; and my Soul longed it fhould h^ poured from on, high, 1 could not but plead with God /or my dear Congregation, that he would preferve it, and not fufFer his great Name to lofe it's Glory in that Work i MySoul ftill longing, that G^^ might be glorified. [ The extraordinary Frame, that he was in, that Evening^ could not be hid ; his Mouth fpake out of the Abundance of hit Hearty eXprefTing in a very afFedling Manner much the fame Things as are written in his Diary : And among very many other extraordinary Expreflions, which he then uttered, were fuch a§ thefe ; " A/y Heaven is to pkafe God, and gUrify him^ *« and give all to him, and to be wholl}' devoted to his Glory ; ** that is the Heaven I long for ; that is my Religion, and *^ that is my Happinefs ; and alvyays was ever fmce 1 fuppoCe *« 1 had any true Religion ; and all thofe that are of that Re- *' ligion, fhall meet me in Heaven. ^ ■ 1 don't go to Heaven *' to be advanced, but to give Honour toGod. 'Tis noMatter *' where I Ihall be fiation*d in Heaven, whether I have a high *' or a low Seat there ; but to love and pleafe and glorify God *' is all : Had 1 a Thoufar.d Sculs, if ihey were worth any *« Thing, I would give 'em all to God ; but I have nothing •' to give, when all is done. h is impofTible for any rational *' Creature to be happy without adding z\\ for God : God him- <* felf could not make him happy any other Way.- 1 long *' to be in Heaven, praiftng and glorifying God with the holy *< Angels : All my Dchre is to glorify God. My Heart *^ goe. out to the '£ur)ing Place ; it r«em8 to me a drjirahlt *' i^lace : but Oh io glorify God ; that is it ; that is above " all. 'Tis a great Comfort to me, to think, that I have •' done a little/<;r God in the World ; Oh ! 'tis bat a very *' Jrnall Matter ; yet I have done a little ; and I lament it, •^ that 1 have not doxie more for him. ;_ ■ __ There is nothing ** ia of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1747. 245 « in the World worth living for, but doing Good^ and fimflnng << God*^ Work, doing the Work that Chriji did. I fee nothing *' elfc in the World, that can yield any SatisfacStion, befidc't '^ living to God, pleafeng him, and doing his whole Will. • '' My greateft Joy and Comfort has heen^ to do fomething for *' promoting tlielntereft of Religion, and theSouls or particular •=' Perfons : And now, in my Illnefs, while I am full of Pain ** and Diftrefs, from Day to Day, all the Comfort I have, is '' in being able to do fome little Chare [ or fmall Piece of " Work ] for God ; either by fomething that I fay, or by *' writing, or fome other Way." He intermingled with thefe and other like Expreffions,many pathetical Counjels to thofc that were about him i particularly to my Children and Servants. He applied himfelf to fome of my younger Children at this Time ; calling them to him, and fpeaking to 'em one by one ; fetting before them, in a very plain Manner, the Nature and Eflence of true Piety, and its great Importance and Neceffity ; earneftly warning them not to reft in any Thing fhort of that true and thorough Change of Heart, and a Life devoted toGod ; counfelling them not to be flack in the great Bufinefs of Religion, nor in the leaft to delay it ; enforcing his Counfels with this, that his Words were the Words of a dying Man : Said he, "I (hall die here, and here J *' {hall be buried, and here you will fee my Grave, and do you ** remember what I have faid to you. I am going intcEternity : '« And 'tis fweet to me to think of Eternity; the Endlefnefs '' of it makes it fweet: But Oh, what fhall I fay to the Etcr- *' nity of the ^F/Vied to be marvelloufly f^rengthen'd, through the inward Vigour andRefrelhment of hisMind ; fo that, altho' before he was fo weak that he could hardly utter a S{?ntence, yet now he continued his moft afFe£ting and profitableDifcourfe to us for more than an Hour, with fcarce any Intermiffion j and faid of it, when he had done, // luas the lo[i Sermon that ever he Jhoutd preach. This extraordinary Frame of Mind continued thenextDay j of which he fays in his Diary as follows. J Lord's- Day Sept, 20. W^as ftill in a fweet and comfortable Frame i and was again ndted with Defires that God might be 244 ^/. 30. T^^ LIFE be glorified^zvd with Longings to love and live to him. Longed for the Influences of the divine Spirit to defcend onMini/ien^ in a rpecial Manner. And Oh, I longed to be with God, to be- held his Glory, and to bow in his Prefence ! [ It appears by what is noted in his Diary, both of thisDay, and the Evening preceeding, that his Mind at this Time was much imprefs'd with a Senfe of the Importance of the Work of the Minijiry, znd the Need of the Grace of God, and his fpecial fpiritual AiTiftance in this Work : And it alfo appeared in what he exprefei in Converfation ; particularly in his Difcourfe to his Brother J/rat/, who was then a Member of Tale- College at ^ew- Haven, and had been profecuting his Studies and acade- mical Excrcifes there, to that End, that he might be fitted for the Work of the Miniftry, and was now with him.* He now, and from Time to Time, in this his dying State, recommended to his Brother, a Life of Self-denial, of Weanednefs from the World, and Dcvotednefs to God, and an earncft Endeavour to obtain much of the Grace of God's Spirit, and God's gracious Influences on his Heart ; reprefenting the great Need which JVlinifters ftand in of them, and the unfpeakable Benefit of them from his own Experience. Among many other Expref- fions, hefaid thus ; " When Minifiers feel thefe fpeci;.! gra- <« cicus Influences on their Hearts, it wonderfully afSfts them «« to come at the Confciences of Men, and as it were to handle « them wi^hHands ; whereas, without themjWhateverReafon «' and Oratory we make ufe of, we do but make ufe of Stumps^ «« inftead of Hands."] Monday, Sept. 2r. I began to corre£l a little Volume of my private Writings: God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it ; my Strength was furprizingly lengthened out, and my Thoughts quick and lively, and my Soul refrefli'd, hoping it might be a Work far God. Ob, how good, how fweet it is, to labour for God ! «t This young Gentleman was an ingeniou?,ferious,ftu3lous and hopefully truly pious Perfon : There appeared in him many Qiialilies giving Hope of his being a great Blefling in his Day. But it has pieafed God, fince the Death of his Brother, to take him away alfo. He died that Winter, at New-Haven^ on Jan. 6. 1747,8. of a nervous Fever, after about a Fortnight's Illnefs, Tuefday, of Mr. David Bralnerd, A.D. 1 747, 245 Tuefday, ^ept, 22. Was again employed in reading and correding, and had the fame Succefs, as the Day before. I was exceeding weak ; but it feem'd to icfrelh my Sou), thus to fpend Time. VVednefday, Sep* 23. I finifh'd my Corredtions of the little Piece foremcntion'd,and felt uncommonly peaceful : It feem'd as if I had now done all my Work in this World, and ftood ready for my Call to a better. As long as I fee any Thing to be done for God, Life is worth having : But Oh,how vain and unwor- thy 'tis, to live for any lower End ! — ; — ^-This Day, I indited a Letter, I think, of great Importance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram in New-Jerfey : Oh that God would blefs and fucceed thatLet- ter, which was written for theBeneiit of hisChurch I * Oh that God would puri/y the Sons of Levi, that his Glory may be ad- vanced ! This Night, I endured a dreadful Turn, wherein my Life was expefled fcarce an Hour or Minute together. But blefTed be God, I have enjoyed confiderable Sweetnefs in divine Things, this Week, both by Night and Day. Thurfday, Sept, 24. My Strength began to fail exceedingly ; which look'd further as if I had done all my Work : However I had Strength to fold and fuperfcribe my Letter. Auout two I went to Bed, being weak and much difordered, and lay in a burning Fever 'till Night, without any proper Reft, in the Evening, I got up, having lain down in fome of myCloatbs ; but was in the greateft Diftrefs, that ever I endured, having an un- common Kind of Hiccough ; which either ftrangled me, or threw me into a Straining to vcmit ; and at the fame Time was diftrefs'd with griping Pains. Oh, the Diftrefj of thisEvening 1 I had little Expe(^atiDn of my living the Night through, nor indeed had any about me: and 1 longed for the fint/hins; Mo- ment ! I was obliged to repair to*Bcd by 6 o'Clock ; and thro' Mercy enjoyed fome Reft; but was grievoufly dif- trefs'J at Turns v/ith the Hiccough.— . My Soul breath'd after God, while the Watcher was with mt :-— When /hall I come to God^ even to God^ my exceeding Joy f Ob for kis bifjfed Likenefs I Friday, Sept. 25. This Day, I was unfpeakably weak, and liitle better than Speechlefs all the D^y : However, I was able * It was concerning theQ^ialifications of Alir.l/iers, and the Examination and L'ceniing o' Can.Jidaies for the Work of the Minidry. to 246 ^/. 3o: 77^(?LIFE to write a little, and felt comfortably in fome Part of tbe Dayc Oh, it refrefhedmy Soul, to think of former Things, ofDefires to g\oT\iy God, of the Pleafures of living to him ! Oh my dear Cod, I am fpeedily coming to thee^ 1 hope ! Haften the Day^ OLord^ if it be thy bleJf/dWill : Ohcome^Lord "J efus, come quickly. Amen. * Saturday, Sept, 26. I felt the Sweetnefs of divine Things, this Forenoon ; and had the Confolation of a Confcioufnefs that I was doing fomething for God. Lord's- Day, Sept. 27. This was a very comfortable Day to my Soul ; I think, 1 awoke with God* I was enabled to lift vpmy Soul to God, early this Morning ; and while I had little bodily Strength, I found Freedom to lift up my Heart to God for my feif and others. Afterwards, Was pleafcd with theThoughts of fpeedily entring into the unfecn World. [ Early this Morning, as one of the Family came into the Room, he exprefs'd himfelf thus : I have had more Pleafurc this Morning, thsnallthe Drunkards in the Worli enjoy ^ if it were all extras ed ! ■ So much did he efteem the Joy of Faith above the Pleafures of Sin. He fejf, that Morning, an unufual Appetite to Food ; with which his Mind feem'd to be exhilarated^ as looking on it aSign of the very near Approach of Death ; and faid upon it, / was born on a Sabbath-Day ; and 1 have Reafon to think ] was new- born on fiSabbath-Day ; ^ 1 hope IJJjalldie on this Sabbath-Day : J fljould look upon it as a Favour^ if it may be the Will of God that it (hould hefo : I long for the Time. Oh, why is his Chariot fo long in coming ? Why tarry theWheels of his Chariots ? 1 am very willing to part with all : 1 am willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to fee him again, to go to be forever with the] Lord, f Qh, when ] go there, how will God's dear Church on Earth he upon my Mind I This was the laft that ever he wrote In his Diary with hh own Hand : Tho' it is continued a little farther, in a bro- ken Manner ; written by his Brother Jfrael, but indited by his Mouth in this his weak and dying State. He had, before this, exprefsM a Defire, if it might be the Will of God, to live 'till his Brother returned from Kew- Jerfey : \Vho,v;hen he went away, intended, if pOiTible,to perform his Journey and return in a Fortnight ; hoping once more to meet his Brother in the Land of the Living. The Fortnight was no '.v near expired, it ending the next Day. Afterwardj of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 747. 247 Afterwards, the fame Morning, being afked, how he did, he anfwercd, / am almojl in Eteftiity : I long to be there. MylVor^ is done: 1 have done with all my Friends : All the World ts nothing to me. I long to be in Heaven, praifmg and glorifying God with the holy Angels : All my Deftre is to glorify God. During the whole of thefe laft two Weeks of his Life, he feem'd to Continue in this Frame of Heart, locfe from all the World, as having done his Work, and done with all Things here below, having nothing to do but to die, and abiding in an earned Defire and Expeftation of the happy Moment, when his SoulOiouId take it's Flight, and go to a State of Perfeaion of Holinefs and perfed glorifying and enjoying God, manifeftcd in a variety ofExprefTions. He faid. That the Confideratton of the Day of Death, and the Day of Judgment, had a long Time been peculiarly fweet to him. He from Time to Time fpake of his being willing to leave the Body and the World immediately, that Day, that Night, and that Moment, if it was the Will ofGod. He a'lfo was much in exprefTing his Longings that the Church of Chrifl on Earth might flouriih, and Chrift's Kingdom here miiih. be advanced, notwiihftanding he was about to leave the Earth, and (hould not with his Eyes behold the defirableEvent^ nor be'inftrumental in promoting it. He faid to me,oneMorn- ing as I came into the Room, My Thoughts have been employed en the old dear Theme, The Profperity of God's Church on Earth. Js I waked out of Sleep, I was led to cry for the pouring out of God's Spirit, and the Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom, which the ear Redeemer did and fuffered fo much for. 'lis that efpeci-^ ally makes me long for it.— He exprefled much Hope that a glo- rious Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom was near at Hand. He once told me, that he had formerly longed for the Out- touring of the Spirit of God, and the glorious Times of the Churchy and hoped they were coming ; andjhould have been willing to have lived to promote Religion attbatTime, if that had been the Will of God ; But ( fays he ) lam zvilling it /hould be as // n 5 ^ would not have the Choice to mahe for my felf, for ten Thoufand Worlds. He cxprefTed on his Death- Bed a full Perfwafion, that he (hould in Heaven fee the Profperity of the Church on Earth, snd Ihould rejoyce with Chrift therein ; And the Confiderat-on of it feem'd to be highly pleafing and fatisfying to his M'"^- He alfo ftill dwelt much on the grcatlmportance of the WorJc of iW/wY/^foftheGofpel; and cxprefsM his Longings, that they might hefiWdwith the Spirit of God; and manifcfted much I)cfirctofceloin«of the Neighbouring Mimfters, whpjn he 24S Mt, 30; T^^ LIFE had fomeAcquaintan.ee wlth^ and whofe fincere Frienddiip he wasjConficlenc of, that he might converfe freely with ihcm on that Subjc<£t, before he died. And it fo happened, that he had Opportunity with fome of them, according to his Defire. Another Thing that lay much on hisHeart, and that he fpake of, from Time to Time, ia thefe near Approaches of Death, was the fpiritual Profperity of his own Congregation ofChriftiaa Indians in New J erf ey : and when he fpake of them, it was with peculiar Tcndernefs ; fo that his Speech would be prefently interrupted and drowned with Tears. He alfo exprefled much Satisfadtion in the Difpofals of PrO" vidence, with Regard to the Circumftanaes of his Death ; par- ticularly that God had before his Death given him the Oppor- tunity he had had in Bojsn^ with fo many confiderablePerfons, Minifters and others, to give in his Te/iimony for God, and againft falfe Religion, and many Miftakes that lead to it, and promote it ; and there to lay before pious and charitable Gen- tlemen, the State of thejndians, and theirNeceiTities, to fo good Effect; and that God had fmce given him Opportunity to write to them further concerning thefe Affairs ; and to write other Letters of Importance, that he hoped might be of good Influence with Regard to the^tate of Religion among the Indi^ ansy and elfewhere, after his Death. Heexprefs'd greatThank- fulnefs to God for his Mercy in thefe Things. He alfo men- tioned it as what he accounted a merciful Circumftance of his Death, that he fhould die here \\ . And fpeaking of thefe Things, he hi^yGod had granted him allhiiDeJire y and fignified, that now he could with the greater Alacrity leave theWorld,] II The Editor takes Leave to make the Remark, (hat when Mr. Brainerd was at Sojlon^ fick nigh unto Death, it was with Relu6lance he thought of dying in a Place where Funerals are often attended with a Pomp & ShcWy which ( efpecially on Occafion of his own ) he was very averfe to any Appearance of : And tho* it was with fome Difficulty he got his Mind reconciled to the Profpedt then before h m, yet at laft he was bro'C to acquiefce in the Divine Will, with Refpe«Sl to this Circumftance of his D-jpartiire. However, it pleafed God to order iheEvent fo as to gratify his Defire^ which he ha J exprefs'd, of getting back to Northampton.vf'xxh a View particularly to a more liknt and private BuriaU Monday, ef Mr. David Braincrd. A.D. 1747; 249 Monday, Sept. 28. I was able to read, and make fome few Cor i -^rt' rsiainy private Writings ; buc fourd 1 could not Wf. -.. , i^ddone; I found my felf fenfibly declined in all Rc-.'ci-'. I; has been only from a little while before Noon, 'tir about one or twoo*Clock, that I have been able to do any Th.;; j;, for lome Time part : Yet this refrefli'd my Heart, that I C(iu' i do any Thing, either publick or private, that I hoped was .or God. [ This Evening, he was fuppos'd to be dyin^^ : He tho't (o Wmfelf, and was tho*t (o by thofe who were about him. He feem'd glad at the Appeaiance of the near Approach of Death. He was almoft Speechlefs, but his Lips appeared to move ; and one that fat very near him, heard him utter fuch Expieflions as thefe, C§me, Lord Jefus^ come quickly Oh, why is his Chariot fo long ifi coming f — — - After he revived, he blamed himfelf for having been too eager to be gone. And in expreffiog what he found in the Frame of his Mind at that Time, he faid, he then found an inexpreffibly fweetLove to thofe that he lojk- ed upon as belonging to Chriji, beyond almoft all that ever he felt before 5 fo that it feem'd ( to ufe his own Words ) like a little Piece of Heaven to have one of ihem near him. And being afked, whether he heard the Prayer that was ( at his Defire ) made with him ; he faid, Tes^ he heard every U'ord^ and had an uncommon Senje of the Things that were uttered in that Prayer ^and that every Word reached his Heart, On the Evening of the next Day, viz. Tuefday, Septemb.ig, As he lay in his Bed, he feem'd to be in an extraordinary Frame j his Mind greatly engaged in fvveet Meditations con- cerning the Profperity of Zim : There being prefent here at that Time two young Gentlemen of his Acquaintance, that were Candidates for the Minillry^ he defired us all to unite in fmging a Pfalm on that Subjedt, even Xion's Profperity. And on his Defire we fung a Part of the CII Pfalm, This feem'd much to refrefti and revive him, and gave him new Strength ; fo that, tho' before he could fcarcely fpeak at all, nov/ he pro- ceeded, with fome Freedom of Speech, to give his dying Coun- fcls^ to thofe two young Gentlemen fore-mentioned, relating to their Preparation for, and Profecution of that great Work of theMiniftry they were defigned for ; and in particular, earneftly recommended to 'em frequent fccret Fajiing and Prayer : And enforced his Counfel with Regard to this, from his own Experi- ence of the great Comfort and Ben^t of it ; which ( faid he ) I ihould not mention, were it not that I am a dying Perfon. And K k 2 after i^o JEl 30: ^he LIFE after he had finiflied his Counfel, he made a Prayer, in the Au- dience of us all ; wherein, befides praying for this Family, for his Brethren, and thofe Candidates for the Miniftry, and for his own Congregation, he earneftly prayed for the reviving and flouriftiing of Religion in the World. 'Till now, he had every Day fat up Part of the Day i but after this, he never rofc from his Bed. ] Wcdnefday, Sept, 30. I was obliged to keep my Bed the whole Day, thro' Weakncfs. However, redeemed a littleTimc, and with the HeJp of my Brother, read and corie£ted about a Dozen Pages in my M.S. giving an Account of my Conveifion. Thurfday, O£iob. i. I endeavoured again to do fomething by Way of writing, but foon found my Powers of Body and Mind utterly fail. Felt not fo fweetly, as when I was able to do fomething that I hoped would do fome Good. Jn the Evening, was difcompofed and wholly delirious ; but it was not long be- fore God was pleafed to give me fomeSlcep, and fully compofed my Mind. + Oh, blefled be God for his great Goodnefs tome, iince I was fo low at Mr. Bromfitld'%^ on Thurfday Junt 18 laft paft. He has, except thofe few Minutes, given me the clear Exercife of myReafon, and enabled me to labour much for him, in Things both of a publick and private Nature ; and perhaps to do more Good, than I fhould have done if 1 had been well ; befides the comfortable Influences of his blefled Spirit, with which he has been pleafed to refrefh my Soul. May his Name have all the Glory for ever and ever. Amen. Friday, Qmh, 2. My Soul was this Day, at Turns, fweetly feton God : I longed to be with hinii that I might behold his Glory \ I felt fweetly difpofed to commit all to him, even my deareft Fiicnds, my deartft Fleck, and my abfent Brother, and all my Concerns for Time and Eternity. Oh that hisKingdom might come in the World j that ihey might all love and glorify him, for what he is in himfcif ; and that the blefTed Redeemer might /^/ of the Travail of his Soul^ and be fatisfied. Oh, come, fjordjefus^ come quickly, Amtn. * From this Time forward, he had the free Ufc of his Rea- fon 'till the Day before hisDeaih ; exceptmg that at fomc times he appeared a little hit for a Moment,at £rft waking out of Sleep. Here ends his Diary : Thefe are the laft fVordsy that are written in it, either by his owfl Hand, or by any othct from his Mouih. ' f Ths t?/ Mr. David Bralnerd. A.D. 1747, 251 [ The next Evening, we very much expedled his Brother John from Nav-Jerfei ; it being about a Week after thcTime that he propofed for his Return, vi^hen he went away. And tho' our Expedations were ftill difappointed ; yet Mr. Brainerd fcem'd to continue unmoved, in the fame calm and peaceful Frame, that he had before manifefted ; as having refigned all to God, and having done with his Friends, and writh all Things here below. On the Morning of the next Dav,being LordVDay, Oa, 4. as nay Daughter Jerufha ( who chiefly tended him ) came into the Room, he look'd on her very pleafantly, and ('u\. Dear Je- rufha, are you willing to part with me P / am quite willing to part with you : I am willing to part with all my Friends : I am luilling to part with my dear Brother Jnhn ; altbo' / love him the befl of any Creature living : I have committed him and all my Friendi to God, and can leave them with God. Th ^U. 24. I Job. \\L 9. 5. The Laws 0/ GOD alfo are his Delight. P/al.CXlX.gy. Rem. VII. 22. Thefe he obferves, not out of Conftraint, from a fervile Fear of Hell ; but they arehisChoice. P/al.CXlX*^o* The ftri£i Obfervance of them is not his Bondage, but his great- eft Liberty, ver. 45, [IV.] I^TTERS, tf/ Mr. David Brainerd. 261 [IV. ] L E T T E R S, written by Mr. Braincrd to his Friends. M^ ADVERTISEMENT. , ^ R. Brainerd had a large Acquaintance and Correfpondence, ^'^ efpecially in the latter Part of his Life, and he did much at writing Letters to his abfentFriends ; but the moft of his Ac- quaintance living at a great Diftance from me, I have not been able to obtain Copies of many that he wrote : However, the greater Part of jhofe which I have fcen,are fuch as appear to me of profitable Tendency, and worthy of the publick View : £ have therefore here added a few of his Letters. N. B. Several of thefe which follow, are not publiflicd at large, becaufe fome Parts of them were concerning particular Affairs of a private Nature. No. I. To his Brother John, then a Student at Tale-CsHfgi in New- Haven, Kaunaumeeky April 30. 174.3. Dear Brother, T Should tell you, / long to fee you, but that my ownExperience *■ has taught me, there is no Happinefs, & plcnarySatisfadion to be enjoyed, in earthly' Friends, tho* ever fo near and dear, or in any other Enjoyment, that is not God himfelf. Therefore, U the God of all Grace would be pleafed gracioufly to afFord us each his Prefence and Grace, that we may perform the Work, and endure the Trials he calls us to, in a moft diftreiTing tire- fome Wildernefs, *till we arrive at our Journey's End ; the lo- cal Diftance, at which we are held from each other at the pre- fent, is a Matter of no great Moment or Importance to eiihcr of lis. But Alas ! The Prefence of God is what I want. • I live in the moft lonely me!ancholyZ)^/^rf, about 18 Miles from Albany (for it was not thought beft that 1 fliould go to Delaiuare-' River, as I believe I hinted to you in a Letter from NewTork.) 1 board with a poor Scotch-Man : His Wife can talk fcarce any En^lijh. My Diet confifts moftly of Hafty- Pudding,boirdCorn, and Bread baked in the Afhes, and fomctimes a little Meat and Butter. My Lodging b a little Henp of Straw, laid upon fome Boards, a little Way from the Groun. Brainerd. No» ^. ef Mr. David BrainerdJ '26"? No. 2. To his Brother John, at Tale- College in Nnu- Haven. Kaunaumeek, December 27. 1743/ Dear Brother, T Long to fee you, and know how you fare In your Journey -* thro' a World of incxpreffible Sorrow, where we are com- pafs'd about with Fanity, Confufton Tind Vexation of Spirit. I am more wearv of Life, I think, than ever I was. The whole IVorld appean to me like a huge Vacuum, a vaft empty Space, whence nothing defirablcjOr at leaft faii5fa£tory,can poiTibly be derived 5 and I long, daily to die more and more to it ^ even tho' I ob- tain not that Comfort from fpiritual Things, which I earneftly defire. Worldly Pleafures, fuch as flow from Greatnefs, Riches, Honours, & fcnfualGratifications,are infinitely worfe than none. May the Lord deliver us more and more from thefe Vanities. I have rpent moft of the Fall and Winter hitherto in a \try weak State of Body ; and fometimcs under prefling inward Trials and fpiritual Conflifls : but having obtained Help from God, L continue to this Day ; and am now fomething better in Healthy than I was fometime ago. I find nothing more conducive ta a Life of CAr/>?/^«;/y, than a diligent, induftrious and faithful Improvement of precious Time. Let us then faithfully per- form that Bufinefs, which is allotted to us by divineProvidence, to the utmoft of our bodily Strength, and mentalVigour. Why fhould we fink,andgrow difcouraged,with any particuIarTrials» and Perplexities, we are called to encounter in the World ? Death and Eternity are juft before us ; a few toiTing Billows more will waft us into the World of Spirits, and we hope (thro' infinite Grace ) intoendlefs Pleafures, and uninterrupted Reft and Peace. Let us then run with Patience the Race fet before us, Heb. xii. i, 2. And Oh that we could depend more upon the living GOD, and Icfs upon our own Wifdom and Strength.--— Dear Brother, may the God of all Grace comfort your Heart, and fucceed your Studies, and make you an Inftrumcnt of Good to his People in your Day. This is the conftant Prayer of Your afFedtionate Brother : David Brainerd* No. 3. To his Brother JfraeU at Haddam, Kaunaumeekyaw. 21. 1743,4 My Dear Brother, — T^Here is but «»# Thing, that deferves our higheft Care and moft ardent Dcfires ^ and that is, tha{ We may apfwcr the gisat Jfn^,for which we were made j viz.io 264 ne LIFE glorify that God, who has given us ourBeings and all ourCom- forts, and do all the Good, wc pofTibly can, to our Fellow- Men while we live in the World : And verily Life is not worth the having, if It be not improved for this noble End and Purpofc. Yet, alas, how little \^ this thought of among Mankind ' Moft Mcnfeem to//7;^ to ihemfehes, without much Regard to the Glory of God, or the Good of their Fellow-Crcatures ; they earneftly de{ire,and eagerly purfue after theRiches,theHonours. and the Pleafures ofLife,as if they really fuppofed, thatWcaltb, or Oreatnefs, or Merriment, could make their immortal Souls A Pfl' r.V'r ^^f,' "^^^^ ^^^^^ ^"^ ^«'"^ive Dreams are thefe f And how Miferable will thofe ere long be, who are not cwaked out of them to fee, that all their Happincfs confift, in living to OOD, and becoming holy as he is holy ! Oh, may you never fall into the TeTipers and Vanities, the Senfuality and Folly of the prefent World. You arc, by divine Providence, left as it were o/..;^ in a wide World, to aft for your felf : Be fure then to remember, 'tis a World of Temptation. You have no earthly Parents to be the Means of forming your Youth to Piety and Vertue, by their pious Examples, and feafonablcCounfels j Let this then excite you with greater Diligence and Fervency to look up to the Father of Mercies for Grace andAfTiftancc againft 111 the Vanities of the World. And if you would glorify God, anfwer his juft Expcftations from you, and make your own Soul happy m this and the coming World, obferve thefe few Direlitons ; tho' not from a Father, yet from a Brother who is loucbM with a tender Concern for your prefent and future Happincfs. And, TT^^^c ^^^*^^^® "P°"' ^^^ ^^'^y endeavour to praftife a l.ife of Sertoufnefs and ftrid Sobriety, The wife Man will tell you the great Advantage of fuch a Life, Ecclef. vii. 3. Think of thcLifc of Christ ; and when you can find that /^^ was pleas'd with Jefting and vain Merriment, then you may indulge it in your fclf. J J t3 ./^^/« be careful to make a good Improvement of precious lime. When you ceafe from Labour, fill up your Time in Readmg, Meditation, & Prayer : And while your Hands are la- bouring^ let your Heart be employed, as much as poffible, in divine Thoughts. ^ Further^ take Heed that you faithfully perform the Bufsnefs you have to do in the World, from a Regard to the Commands of UoD } and not from an ambitious defirc of being ef^eemed better than others. Wefhould always logk upoo our felves as GOD'S of Mr, DaVid Bralnerd. ^5^ GOD'S Servants, placed in GOD's World, to do hU Wcrk ; and accordingly labour faithfully for him ; not with a DefuTn to grow rich and great,but to glorifyGOD,and do all tbcGood we poffiblycan. yfgain, Never expert any Satisfaction or Happinefs from ths IVorld. If you hope for Happincfs in the World, hope for it from God, and not from the World. Don't think you (hall be more happy^ if you live to fuch or fuch a State of Life, if you live to be for your felf, to be fettled in the World, or If you (hould gain anEftate in It : but look upon it that you fhall then be happy ^ when you can be conftantly employed forGOD, and not for your felf ; and defire to Jive in this World, only to do and fuffer what GOD allots to you. When you can be of the Spint and Temper oi Angels ^ who are willing to come down into this lower World, to perform what God commands them, tho' their Defires are htaveniy^ and not in theleaft fet on iarthly Things, then you will be of that Temper that you ought to have. CoL HI. 2. Once more^ Never think that you can live to GOD by your cwn Power or Strength ; but always look to, and rely on bim for Affiftance, yea, for all Strength and Grace. There is no greater Truths than this, That we can do nothing, of our [elves ; Job. XV. 5. and 2 Cor. iii. 5. Yet nothing but our own Expe- rience can effedlually teach it to us. Indeed we arc a long Time in learning, that . m . ■ ■ I ihould aft you to pray for me, were I worth your Concern. May the Lord enable us both to tndure Hardnefs as good Soldiers #^ Jesus Christ ; and may we obtain Merc^ of God to bi faithful^ to theDeathy in the Difcharge of our refpedliveTrufts. I am your very unworthy Brother, and humble Servant, Dav* Brainerd* No. 6. To his Brother Jthrty at College. Crofvutekfungy in NeW'Jer[ey^ Decem. a8. 174s* Very dear Brother, * T Am in one continued, perpetual, and uninterrupted -*- Hurry ; and divine Providence throws fo much upon me,that I don't fee it will ever beotherwife. May I obtainMercy #/GOD to bi faithful ^io the Death. I can*t fay, I am weary of my Hurry 5 I only want Strength and Grace to do more for GOD, than I have everyetdone. My dear Brother, 'I'he LORD of Heaven^ that has carried me thro' many Trials, hleji you y blefs you for Time, andEter- nity; and fit you to do Service for him in his Church below, and to enjoy his blifsfulPrefence in hisChurch triumphant. My Brother, the Time is Jhort : Oh, let us fill it up for GOD: Let us count the Suferiv.gi of this prefent Time as nothing, if we can but run our Race^ and finijh our Courfe with Joy. Oh, let us ftrive to live to GOD. I blefs the Lord, I have nothing to do with Earthy but only to labour honeftly in it for GOD, 'till I fhall accomplifh as an Hireling my Day. 1 think, 1 don'c deft re to live one Minute for any Thing that Earth can afford. Oh, that 1 could live for none but GOD, 'till mv dying Moment. 1 am your afFecStionate Brother, D. Brainerd. No. 7. To his Brother 7/rj//, then a Student at Yale-Collegi in New- Haven. EliJabeth'Toivn^'New-Jerfey.'^ow. 24. 1746. Dear Brother, I Had determined to make you and my other Friends in iV/w- EngIandzV\{n, this Fall ; partly from an earnelt Defircl had to fee you and them, and partly with a View to the Reco- very of my Health; which has, for more than three Months paft, been much imoair'd. And in Order to profecule this De- H^3 ef Mr. David Brainerd.' 269 fign, I fct out from my own People about three Weeks ago, and came as far as to this Place ; where, my Diforder greatly increafmg, I have been obliged to keep Houfe ever fmce, until the Day before Yefterday ; at which Time, I was able to ride about half a Mile, but found my felf much tired with the Jour- ney. I have now no Hopes of profecuting my Journey into N. £«^/ri«df this Winter, fuppofing my prefent State of Health will by no Means admit of it : Altho' f am thro' divine Good- nefs much better than I was fomeDays ago, yetl han'tStrength now to ride more than ten Miles a Day, if the Seafon were warm,& fit for me to travel in. My Diforder has been attended with feveral Symptoms of a Confumption ; and I have been at Times apprehenfive, that my great Changt was at Hand : Yet blefled be GOD, I have never been affrighied \ but on the contrary, at fome Times much delighted with a View of it's Approach. Oh, the Bleflednefs of being delivered from the Clogs of Flefh and Senfe, from a Body of Sin and fpiritual Death f Oh, the unfpeakable Sweetnefs of being tranflated in- to a State of compleat Purity and Perfe6lion ! Believe me, my Brother, a lively View and Hope of thefeThings will make the King cf -ferron himfelf appear agreable. — Dear Brother, let me inrreat you, to keep Eternity in your View, and behave your felf as becomes one that muft fhortly give on Account of all Things done in the Body, That GOD may be your GOD, and prepare you for his Service here, and his Kingdom of Glory hereafter, is the Defire and daily Prayer of Your afFe(Stionate loving Brother, D. Brainerd. No. 8. To his Brother Jfrael^ at College ; written in the Time of his extreme Illncfs in Bojion^ a few Month before his Death. Bofton^ June 30. 1747. ^ My dear Brother, JT is Jrom the fides of Eternity \ now addrefs you. I am hcar- * tily forry, that I have fo little Strength to write what 1 long ^o much to communicate to you. But let me tell you, my Bro- ther, Eternity is another Thing than we ordinarily take it to be in a healthful State. Oh, how vaft and boundlefs ! Oh, how fix'd and unalterable ! Oh, of what infinite Importance is it, that we be prepared for Eternity ! I have been juft a dying, no-.v for more than a Week ; and all around me have thought me {q : But in this Time I have had clear Views of Eternity ; have '27© y^f L I F E have feen the Bleflednefs of the Godly, in fome Meafure ; ani have long'd to (hare their happy State ; as well as been com- fortably faiisiied* that through Grace, I fhall do fo : But Oh, what Anguifti is raifed in my Mind, to think of an Eternity for thofe who are Chri/ilefs, for thofe who are miftaken, and who bring their fa) fe Hopes to the Grave with them ! The Sight was fo dreadful, 1 could by no Means bear it : My Thoughts recoiled, and 1 faid ( but under a more afFe^^ing Senfe than ever before ) fVho can dwitl with evtrlafting Burnings f Oh, me- thought, that 1 could now fee my Friends, that I might warn them, to fee to it, they lay their Foundation for Eternity furc. And you, my dear Brother, I have been particularly concerned for ; and have wondered, I fo much negledtcd converfmg with you about your fpiritual State at our laftMceting. Oh,myBro- ther,lel me then befeech you now to examine, whether you are indeed 2i new CreatureP Whether you have ever a6tedabovc5^//? Whether the Gkry of God has ever been the fweeteft higheft Concern with you ? Whether you have ever been reconciled to all the Perfediions of God j in a Word, whether God has been your Portion, and a holy Conformity to him your chief Delight ? If you can't anfwer pofitivelyjConfider ferioufly the frequent Breathings ofyourSoul : But don't however put your felf off with a flight Anfwer. If you have Reafon to think you are GraceJe/s, Oh give your felf and the Throne of Grace no Reft, 'tillGoD arife and fave. But if the Cafe (hould be other- wife, blefs GcD for his Grace, and prefs after Holinefs. * My Soul longs, that you fhould befitted for, and in dueTime go into theWoik of the Miniftry, I can't bear to think of your going into any other Bufmefs in Life. Don't be difcouraged, becaufe you fee your elderBrothers in theMiniftry die early ^qw^ after another : I declare, now I am dying, I would not have fpcnt my Life othtrwife for the whole World. But I muft leave this \^ gftyj QD. If CT^^ine fhould come to your Hands foon after the Date, 1 fhould be almolt defirous you Ihould fct out on a Journey to ine : It may be, you may fee me alive ; which I fhould much lejoyce in. But if you can't comc» I muft commit you to the Grace of GeD, where you are. May he be your Guide and Counfeller, your Sanilifier and eternal Portion. ♦ Mr. 5rtf/W and the Beauty of his Nature, as fupremely excellent in it felf; powerfully drawing, and fweetly captivating hisHeart ; bringing him to a hearty Delire to exalt God, fet him on the Throne, and give him fupreme Honour and Glory, as the King and Sovereign of the Univerfe ; and alfo a newSenfe oi the infinite Wifdom, Suittblenefs and Excellency of the Way of Salvation by Chrift ; powerfully engaging his whole Soul to embrace this Way of Salvation, and to delight in it. His firft Faith did not confift in believing that Chrift loved him, and died for him, in particular. His firft Comfort was not from any fecret Sug- geftitn of God's Eiernal Love to him, or that Qoi was recon- ciled to him, or intended great Mercy for him; by any fuch Texts as thofe, Son^ be of good Chear^ thy Sins are forgiven thee ^ Fear noty J am thy God^ &c. or in any fuch Way. On th.c contrary, when GOD's Glory was firft difcovcred to him, it was without any Thought of Salvation as his own. His firft Experience of the fandifying & comforting Power of GOD's Spirit did not begin in fome bodily Senfation, any pleafant warmFceling in his Breaft, that he ( as fome others ) called the Feeling the Love of Chrift in him, and being full of the Spirit. How exceeding far were his Experiences at his firft Converfion from Things ef fuch a Nature ! And if we look thro' the whole Series of his Experiences, from his Converfion to his Death, we (hall find none of this Kind. I have had Occafion to read his Diary over and over, and very particularly andcritically to review everyPaflfage in itj and 1 findflo one Inftance of a ftrong Impreffion on his Ima- gination, through his whole Life : No Inftance of a ftrongly imprefs'd Idea of any external Glory and Brightnefs, of any bodily Form or Shape, any beautiful Majeftick Countenance : No imaginary Sight of Chrift hanging on the Crofs, with his Blood ftreaming from his Wounds; or feated in Heaven on a bright Throne, with Angels and Saints bowing before him ; or with a Countenance fmiling on him ; or Arms open to embrace him ; No Sight of Heaven, in his Imagination^ with Gates of Q o Pearl, 28o Reflexions and Obfervations Pearl, and Golden Streets, and vaft Multitudes of glorious In- habitantSj with (hining Garments ; No Sight of the Book of Life opened, with his Name written in it : No hearing of the fweet Mufick made by the Songs of heavenly Hofts ; No hear- ing G«d or Chrift immediately fpeaking to him ; nor any fud- den Suggeftions of Words or Sentences, either Words of Scripture, or «ny other, as then immediately fpoken or fent to him : No new obje<5live Revelations,no fudden ftrong Sug- geftions of fecretFadls. Nor do I find any one Inftance in all the Records he has left of his own Life, from Beginning toEnd, of Joy excited from a fuppofed immediat eWitneCs of theSpirit; or inward immediate Suggeftion, that his State was furely good, that God loved bim with an everlaftingLove, that Chrift died for him in particular, and that Heaven was his ; either with or without a Text of Scripture : No Inftance ofComfort by a fudden bearing in upon hisMind, as tho' at that very Time directed by God to him in particular, any fuch kind of Texts as thofe j F^ar not^ la?n with thee ; — ///; sour Father*} good Fleajure to give, you the Kingdom ; — Tou have not chofen mey hut 1 have chofen you y — / have called thee by thy Name, thou art mine ; Before thou waft formed in the Belly ^ 1 knew theeySic, No fuppofedCommunion & Converfation with GOD carried on in this Way ; no fuch fuppofed Tafting of the Love ofChrilt. But the Way he was fatisfied of his own goodEftate, even to the entire abolifiiing of Fear, was by Feeling within himfclf the lively ablings of a holy Temper and heavenly Dif- pofition,the vigorous Exercifes of that divineLove,which cafts out Fear : This was the Way he had full Satisfaction foon af- ter his Converfion ( fee his Diary on 0(^ob. 1 8 5c 19. 1740.) And we find no other Way of Satisfaction through his whole Life afterwards : And this he abundantly declared to be the Way, the only Way, that he had complete Satisfaction, when he looked Death in the Face, in it's near Approaches. Some of the Pretenders to an immediate Witnefs by Suggefti- on, and Defenders of it, with an afTuming Confidence, would bear ur in Hand, that there is no full Afiurance without it ; and that the Way of being fatisfied by Signs, and arguing an Intereft in Chrift from SanCtification, if it will keep Men qui- et in Life and Health, yet will never do when they come to eiie : .^Then ( they fay ) Men muft have immediate Witnefs, or cHc be in a dreadful Uncertainty. But Mr. Brainera'sEx^eri' cnce is a Confutation of this ; for in him we have an Inftance of one that poirsfi'd as cgnftant and unfhaken an AiTurance, thro* On the preaeding Memoirs. 2 S i thro' the Courfe of his Life, after Con vcrfion, as perhaps can be produced in this Age ; which yet he obtained and enjoy*d without any fuch Sort of Teflimony^ and without all Manner of Appearance ofit,orPretence to it 5 yea,while utterly difclaim- ing any fuch Thing, and declaring againft it : And one whdfe Afrurance,we need not fcruple to affirm, has as fair aClaim, and as juft a Pretenfion to Truth and Genuinenefs," as any that the Pretenders to immediate Wiinefi can produce : And not only an Inftance of one that had fuch AfTurance in Life, but had it in a conftant Manner in his lafl Illnefs ; and particularly in the latter Stages of it, through thofe laft Months of his L/ife, wherein Death was more fcnfibly approaching, without the leaft Hope of Life : And had it too in it's Fulnefs^ and in the Height of it's Exercife, under thofe repeated Trials, that he had in this Space of Time ; when brought from Time toTime to the very Brink of the Grave, expci^ing in a fcwMinutes to be in Eternity. He had the full j^Jurance of Hope^ unto the End* When on the Verge of Eternity, he then declares his AfTurance to be fuch as perfectly fecluJed all Fear ; and not only fo, but it manifeftly fill'd his Soul with exceeding Joy : He declaring at the fame Time, that this his Confolatlon and good Hope thro* Grace arofe wholly from the Evidence he had of his good Eftatc, by what he found of his San<3:ifieation, or thcExercife of a holy heavenlyTemper of Mind,fupreme Love to God, if^c. and not in the leaft from any immediate Witnefs by Suggeftion : Yea, he declares that at thefe very Times he faw the awful Delufion of that Confidence which is built on fuch a Foundation, as well as of the whole of that Religion which it ufually fprings from, or at leaft is the Attendant of 5 and that his Soul abhor'd thofe Delufions : And he continued in this Mindjoften expreifing it with much Solcmnity,€ven 'till Death. Mr. Brainerd*s Religion was not felji/h and mercenary : His Love to God was primarily and principally for the fupreme Excellency of his own Nature, and not built on a preconceived . Notion that God loved him^ had received him into Favour, and had done greatThings for him,or promifed greatThings to htm : So hisjoy was Joy in God, and not in himfelf. We fee by his Diary how, from Time to Time, through the Courfe of his Life, his Soul was fiird with inefFable Sweetnefs and Comfort. But what was the Spring of this ftrong and abiding Confo- latlon ? Not fo much the Confideration of the fure Grounds ^e had to think that his State was good, that God had delivered O o 2 faim 2S2 Rcfleftions and Obfcrvaiions him from Hell, and that Heaven was bis ; or any ThotSghti concerning his own diftinguiflied happy and exalted Circunt- flances, as a high Favourite ot Heaven: But the fweet Medi- tations and entertaining Vtews he had of divine Things without himfelf ; the affecting Confiderations and liveiy Ideas of God's infinite Glory, his unchangeable Blefledners, his Sovereignty and univcrfal Dominion ; together with the f^cet Exercifes of Lvove to GOD, giving himfelf up to him, abafing himfelf be- fore him,deny/ng himfelf for him, depending upon him, adting for his Glory, diligently ferving him ; and the pleafing Prof- peels or Hopes he had of a future Advancement of the King- dom of Chnft, i^c. It appears plainly and abundantly all along,from hisConver- fion to his Death, that that Beauty, that S.irt of Good, which was the great Ooje£l of the n'^v Senfe of his Mind, the new Reiifh and Appetite given him in Converfion, and thenecfor-^ ward maintained ancl increafed in his H'.art, was HOLINESS, Conformity to God, living to God, and glorifying Him. This was wlia- drew hisHeari ; this was the Center of his Soul ; this was the Ocean ro which ail the treams of his religious Affec- tions tended : This was the Objedt that engaged his eager thirflingDefires and earneft Purfuits : He knew no true Excel- Jeney or Happinefs, but this : This was what he Jonged for moft vehemently and conftantly on Earth ; and this was with him the Beauty and Bleilednefs of Heaven ; which made him fo much and fo often to long for that VVorld of Glory ; it was to be perfe^Slly holy, and perfectly exercifed in the holy Employ- ments of Heaven ; thus to glorifvGod and enjoy him forever. His religious Illuminations, AfFedlions and Comfort feem'd, to a great Degree, to be attended vtkhEvangelical Humiliation ; confifting in a Senfe of his own utter Infufficiency,Defpicable- nefs andOJioufnefs ; with an anfwerable Difpofition andFrame of Heart, How deeply afFeiled was he almoft continually with his greatDefeds in Religion ; with his vatt Diftance from that Spirituality and holy Frame of Mind that became him ; with his Ignorance, Pride, Deadnefs, Unfteadinefs, Batrennefs ? He ;vas not only afFed^ed with the Remembrance of hisfo^mer SiafulnefSi before his Canverfion, but with the Senfe ofhi.a^ prefect V^iienef? arjd Po lution. He was not only difpofed to think meanly of himfeif as before God, and in Comparifon of him ; but among/} Men^ and as compared with them : He was !:p: to think othcrSaii.ts better than he; yea, to look on himfelf ?s the meaneft and ie^it of Saints ^ yea, very qh^Up 3S the yiJcft On the preceeding Memoirs; 283 vileft and worft of Mankind. And notwithftanding his great Attainments in fpiritual Knowledge^ yet we find there is fcarce any Thing that he is more frequently afFedted and abafed with a Senfe of, than his Ignorance, How eminently did he appear to be of a meek and quiet Spirit, refemblingtheLamb-like,Dovc-likeSpirit of JefusChrift ! How full of Love, Meeknefs, Quietncfs, Forgivenefs and Mercy ! His Love was not meerly a Fondnefs and Zeal for a Party, but an univcrfal Benevolence ; very often cxercifed in the moft fenfible and ardent Love to his greateft Oppofcrs and Enemies. His Love and Meeknefs were not a mcer Pretence, and out- ward Profeffion and Shew ; but they were efFe(5lual Things, manifefted in expenfive and painful Deeds of Love and Kind- nefs ; and in a meekBehaviour ; readily confeffingFaults under the greateft Trials, and humbling himfelf even at the Feet of thofe from whom he fuppofed he had fuiFered moft ; and from Time to Time, very frequently praying for his Enemies, ab- horring the Thoughts of Bitternefs or Refentment towards them. I fcarcely know where to look for any parallel Inftance of Self-denial, in thefe Refpedls, in the prefent Age. He was a Perfon of great Zeal ; bat how did he abhor a bitter Zeal, and lament it where he faw it ! And tho* he was once drawn into fome Degrees of it, by the Force of prevailing Example, as it were in his Childhood ; yet how did he go about with a Heart bruifed and broken in Pieces for it all his Life after I Of hovrfoft and tender a Spirit was he ! How far were his Experiences, Hopes^andjoys from a Tendency finally to ftupi- iy and harden him, to lefTen Convi<5lions and Tendernefs of Confcience, to caufe him to be lefs afFecSed with prefent and paft Sins, and lefs confcientious with Refpe6t to future Sins, more eafy in the Negle6t of Duties that are troublefome and inconvenient, more flow and partial in complying with difficult Commands, lefs apt to be alarmed at the Appearance of his own Dcfcdls andTranfgreflions, moreeafily induced to a Com- pliance with carnal Appetites I On the contrary, how tender was his Confcience ! How apt was his Heart to fmite him ! How cafily and greatly was he alarmed at the Appearance of ypioral Evil ! How great and conftant was his Jealoufy over his own Heart ! How ftridl his Care and Watchfulnefs againft Sin I How deep and fenfible were the Wounds that Sin made in his Confcience ! Thofe Evils that are generally accounted fmall, were almoft an infupportable Burden to him ; fuch as Jjis inward Deficiencie5,his having no more Love toGOD,find- ing 1234 Reflexions and Obfervations ing within himfelf any flacknefs or dulnefs in Religion, any Unfteadinefs, or wandriag Frame of Mind, &c. How did the Confideration of fuch Things as thefe opprefs and abafc him, and fill him with inward Shame and Confufion ! HisLove and Hope, tho' they were fuch as caft out a fervile Fear o^ Hell, yet they were fuch as were attended with,and abundantly chc- rifh'd and promoted a reverential filial Fear of God, a Oread of Sin and of God's holy Difpleafure. His Joy feem 'd truly to be a rejoicing with Trembling. His AfTurance and Com- fort differed greatly from a falfe enihufiaftick Confidence and Joy, in that it promoted and maintained Mourning for Sin : holy mourning, with him, was not only the Work of an Hour or a Day, at his firft Converfion ; but Sorrow for Sin was like aWound conflantly running : He was aMourner for Sin all his Days. He did not, after he received Comfort and full Satis- fadtion of the Forgivenefs of all his Sins, and the Safety of his State, forget his paft Sins, the Sins of his Youth, that were committed before his Converfion ; but the Remembrance of them, from Time to Time, reviv'd in his Heart, with renew- ed Grief. That in Ezek. xvi. 63. was evidently fulfil'd in him, That thou may ft remember^ and he confounded^ and never open ihy Mouth any more^ becaufe of thy Shame ; when 1 am pacified toward thee for alt that thou haji done. And how laftingly did the Sins that he committed after his Converfion, afFe6tand break his Heart ! If he did any Thing whereby he thought he had in any Refpedldifhonoured God, and wounded thelnterefl of Religion, he had never done with calling it to Mind with Sorrow and Bitternefs : Thd' he was alTured that God had forgiven it, yet he never forgave himfelf : His paft Sorrows andjFears made no Satisfadtion, with him ; but ftill the Wound renews and bleeds afrefh, again and again. And his prefent Sins, that he daily found in himfelf, were an Occafion of daily fcnfiblc and deep Sorrow of Heart. His Religion did not confift in unaccountable Flights and vehement Pangs ; faddenly rifing, and fuddenly falling ; at fome Turns exalted almoft to the third Heavens, and then at other Turns negligent, vain, carnal, and fwallowed up with the World ; for Days and Weeks, if not Months together. His Religion was not like a blazingMeteor,or like a flamingComet, (or a wandring Star, as the Apoftlejw^^ calls it, ver. 13. j flying thro' theFirmament with a brightTrain ; & then quickly going out in perfed^Darknefs : But more like the fteadyLights ofHea- vens that are conftant Principles of Light, tho* fometimes hid with On the preceeding Memoits; 285 With Clouds. Nor like a Land-Flood, which flows far and wide, with a rapid Stream, bearing down all afore it, and then dried up ; but more like a Stream fed by livingSprings ; which tho' fometimes increafed by Showers, and at other Times di- minifticd by Drought, yet is a conjiant Stream, His religious AiFedlions and Joys were not like thofc of fome, who have Rapture and mighty Emotions from Time to Time in Company ; but have very little AfFe£lion in Retirement and fecret Places. Tho' he was of a very fociableTemper, and loved theCompany ofSaints,and delighted very much in religi- ous Converfation and in focial Worfliip ; yet his warmeft Af- fedlions and their greateft EfFe6ls on animal Nature, and his fweeteftjoys, were in his Clofet- Devotions, and folitaryTranf- adlions between God and his own Soul ; as is very obfervable thro' his whole Courfe, from his Convcrfion to his Death. He delighted greatly in facredRetirements ; and loved to get quite away from all the World, to converfe withGoD alone,in fecret Duties. Mr. Brainerd^s Experiences and Comforts were very far from being like thofe of fome Perfons, which are attended with a fpiritual Satiety, and put an End to their religious Defires and Longings, at leaftto the Edge and Ardency of them ; refting fatisfied in their own Attainments and Comforts, as haviirg ob- tained their chief End, which is to extinguifti their Fears of Hell, and give 'em Confidence of the Favour of GOD. How far were his religious AfFe(Slions,Refrefhments, & SatisfaiStions, from fuch an Operation and Influence as this ! On the contra- ry, how were they always attended with Longings and Thirft- ings after greater Degrees of Conformity to God ! And the greater and fweeter his Comforts were, the more vehement were his Defires after Holinefs, For 'tis to be obferved, that hisLongings were notfo much after joyfulDifcoveries of God's Love and clear Views of his Title to future Advancement and eternal Honours in Heaven ; as after more of prefent Holinefs, greater Spirituality, an Heart more engaged for GOD, to love and exalt and depend on him, an Ability better to ferve him, to do more for his Glory, and to do all that he did with more of a Regard to Chrift as his Righteoufnefs and Strength ; and after the Enlargement and Advancement of Chrilt's Kingdom in the Earth. And his Defires were not idle wifhings and wouldingSj but fuch as were powerful and efFe6lual, to ani- mate him to the earneft, eager purfuic of thefe Things, with utmoft Diligence and unfainiing Labour and Self-denial. His Comforts 286 Refledlions and Ohkrv^tions Comforts never put an End to his feeking after GOD, and ftriving to obtain his Grace ; but on the contrary, greatly en- gaged and enlarged him therein. His Religion did not confi^ only in Experience tV/hhout Prac* itce, All his inward Illuminations, Affedions and ComJorts feemM to have adiredl Tendency to Pradice, and to iffuc in it ! And this, notmeerly a Pradtice negatively good, Ugc from grofs A6ls of Irreligion and Immorality ; But a Practice pofi^' tively Holy and Chrif^ian, in a ferious, devout, humble, mtek, merciful, charitable, and beneficent Converfation ; making the Service of GOD, and our Lord Jefus Chrift, the greatBu- linefs of Life, which he was devoted to, and purfued with the greatcft Earneftnefs and Diligence to the End of his Days, thro' all Trials. In him was to be feen the right Way of be- ing lively in Religion : His Livelinefs in Religion did notcorfift meerly or mainly in his being lively with the Tongue^ but in Deed i not in being forward in Profeflion and outward bbew, and abundant in declaring his own Experiences ; but chief!) in being a6tive and abundant m theLabours &Duties of Religion ; not flotkful in Bufmefsy but fervent in Spirit, ferving the Lordy and ferving his Generatiov^ according to the fVill of God. By thefe Things, many high Pretenders to Religion, andPro- fefTorsot extraordinary fpiritual Experience, may be fenfible, that Mr. Brainerd did greatly condemn their kind of Religion; and that not only in Word, but byExample,both living and dy- ing ; as the whole Series of his Chriflian Experience andPrac- tice, from his Converfion to his Death, appears a conftantCon- demnation of it. It can't be objected, that theReafon.why he fo much difliked the Religion of thefePretenders, and why his own fo much dif- fered from it, was, that his Experiences were not clear. There is no Room to fay, they were otherwife, in any Refpedt, in which Clearnefs of Experience has been wont to be infifted on; whether it be the Clearnefs of their h^ature, or of their O^der^ and the Method his Soul was at firfl brought toRelt ar.d Com- fort in his Converfion. I am far from thinking ( and fo was he) that Clear nefs of ihe Order of Experience is, in any Mca- furc, of equal Importance with the Clearnefs of their Mature .* I have fufficiently declared in my Difcourfe on Religious J^fft if i- ens (which he exprefly approved of and recommended ) that I don't ruppofe,a fenfible Difiin6nefs of the 5/^pJofthe Spirit's Operation and Method of fucccffive Cojivi6lions and Illumina- ticns, isanecefiary Requifite W Perfons being received in full Charity, On the preceeding Memoirs: 2^7 Charity, as true Saints ; provided the Nature of the Things they profefs, be right, and their Praftice agreeable. Ncverthe- lefs, 'tis obfervabic, ( which cuts ofFallObjetaion from fuch as would be moft unreafonably difpofed to objecSl and cavil in the prefentCafc ) So it was, that Mr. Sraitierd's Experiences were not only clear in the latter Refpedt, but remarkably fo in the former : So that there is not perhaps one Inftance in fiveHun- dred true Converts, that on this Account can be parallcl'd with him. It can't be pretended , that the Reafon why he To much ah- hor'd and condemned the Notions and Experiences of thofc whofe/r/? Faith confifts in believing that Chrift ;; theirs, and that Chrift died for them j without any previous Experience of Union of Heart to him, for his Excellency, as he is in himfelf, and not for his fuppofed Love to them ; and who judge of theic Intereft in Chrift, their Juftification, and GOD's Love fo them, not by their Sandtification and the Exercifes and Fruits of Grace, but by a fuppofed immediate Witnefs of the Spirit, by inward Suggeftion ; I fay, it can't be pretended, that theRea- fon why he fo much deteftcd and condemned fuch Opinions and Experiences, was, that he was of a too legal Spint ; either that he never was dead to the Law, never experienced a thoro* Work of Convidlion,was never fully brought off from his own Rightcoufnefs,and wean'd from the old Covenant ^hy a thorough legal Humiliation ; or that afterwards, he had no great De- gree of *va«f*//Vfl/ Humiliation, not living in a deep Scnfe of his own Emplinefs, Wretchednefs, Poverty, and abfolute De- pendance on the mecr Grace of GOD through Chrift. For hisConvi<5tions of Sin, preceeding his firftConfolations inChrift, were exceeding deep and thorough ; his Trouble and Exercife of Mind, by a Senfeof Sin and Miferj, very great and long continued ; & theLight let into hisMind at hisConverfion and in progreflive San6tification, appears to have had its genuine humbling Influence upon him, to have kept him low in his ownEyes,not confiding in himfelf, but in Chrift, living by tht Faith of the Son of GOD, and looiing for the Mercy of the Ltrd Jejus to eternal Life, Nor can it be pretended, that theReafon why he condemned thofe, and other Things, which this Sort ot People call the very Height of vital Religion and the Power ofGodlinefs, was, that he was a dead Chrifiian, and lived in the Dark (as they cxprefs thcmfelves ) that his Experiecces, tho' they mi^ht be true, were not great 3 that he did not live near to GOD, had but a P p fmail 288 Refleftions ctnd Obfervatiofts fmall Acquaintance with him, and had but a dim Sight of fpi- ritual Things. If any, after they have read the preceedL Account of Mr. Brainerd's Life,will venture to pretend thus! they will only fhew that they them/elves are in the Dark and^ do indeed put Darknefsfor Light, and Light for Darknefs, ' jTis common with this Sort of People, if there is any one whom they can't deny to exhibit goodEvidencesof true God- Jinefsjwho yet appears to dillike theirNotions,& condemn thofc Thmgs wherem they place theHeight of ReIigion,toinfinuate, that they an afraid of the Crofs, and have a Mind to curry Fa- vour with the World, and the like. But I prefume, this will not be pretended concerning Mr. Brainerd, by any one Perfon that has read the preceeding Account of hisLifc. It muft needs appear aThing notorious to fuch,that he was an extraordinary and almoft unparalleled Inftance ( in thefe Times and thefe Parts of the World ) of the contrary Difpofition : and that, whether we confider what he has recorded of his inward Ex- perience, from Time to Times or his Praaice^ho^N he in Faa took up and embraced the Crofs, and bore it conftantly, in his great Self- Denials, Labours, and Sufferings for the Name ofjefus, and went on without fainting, without repenting, or rep.ning, to his dying Illnefs : How he did not only, from lime to Time, relmquifh and renounce the IVorld (tcrtily, in his Heart, with the full and ferventConfent of all thePowcrs of his Soul s but openly and a^ually forfook the World, with It s l^olieffions. Delights, and common Comforts, to dwell as It were with wild Beafts, in a howlingWiidernefs ; with con- Itant Chearfulnefs, complying with the nutaerous Hardfhips ru . ''n^''''^"^'^'''"'^^^'^^^' to promote the Kingdom of his dear Redeemer. And befides, it appears by the preceed- ing Hittory, that he never did more condemn the Things fore- mention d, never had a greater Senfe of their Delulion, per- nicious Nature and ill Tendency, and never was more full of F.tytothofe that are led av.ay with them, than in his lafl Jilnefs and atT.mes when he had the neareftProfpecl of Death, fuppofed himfelfto be on the very Brink of Eternity,and looked on all this lower World as. what he never (hould have any ihmgmore to do with. Surely he did not condemn thofc 1 h.ngs at the.e Seaibns, only to curry Favour with the IVorld. iieades what has been already related of Mr.^r^rW^'s Sen- t.ments in his dy.ng State conce:..}ng true and falfe Religion, we have hi, dehberate and foiemn Tbo'ts on this Subieaffur- ther appearing by his Frefac^ lo Mr. ^hepari'i Diary, before menlioncd j On the preceeding Memoirs; 289 mentioned ; which, when he wrote if, he fuppofed to be ( at it proved) one of the /^ Things he fhould ever write, ilhall here inferl a Part of that Preface^ as follows. " How much Strefs is laid by many upon fome Things as .<« being EfFe£ls andEvidences of exalted Degrees of Reh'gion, *' when they are fo far from being of any Importance in it, *' that they are really irreligious, a Mixture oiSelf- Lovg^ Ima^ *' gination^ 2nd f^mtuzl Prid^, or perhaps the Influence bf *' 5fl/fl» transformed into anAngel ofLight ; I fay, how much *' Strefs is laid on thefeThings by many, I fhall not determine : •' But 'tismuch to be fear'd, that while GOD was carrying «' on a glorious Work of Grace, and undoubtedly gathering •* a Harvcft of Souls to himfelf ( which we fhould always re- '^ member with Thankfulnefs ) Numbers of others have at the •« fame Time been fatally deluded by the Devices of iheDevil, *' and their own corrupt Hearts. It is to be fear'd, that the «* Canverjions oi fome have no better Foundation than this ; *' viz. That after they have been under fome Concern for «< their Souls for a while, and it may be manifefted fome * rejoyce upon having fome Scripiure fuddcnly fuggetted to ■* them, or imprefs^d upon their Minds, fuppofing they arc *« now the Children ofGod, juft as did the other upon their «« imaginary Views of Chrift. And 'tis faid, that fome fpeaJc «« of feeing a gTcatLight^ which filTd all the PJacc where they *' were, and difpel'd ail their Darknefs, Fears and DiftreiTes, *' and almoft ravi{h*d their Souls. While others have had it «' warmlv fuggefted to their Minds, not by any PaiFage of *« Scripture, but as ir were by a Whifptr or Voice from Hca- •' ven, 7hat God loves them^ that Chriji is thtirsy &c. which *' groundlefs Imaginations and Suggcftions of Satan have had *' the fame EfFed upon them, that the Dclufions. before men* *' tion'd had on the others. And as is the Converlion *' of this Sort of Perfons, fo are their After- Experunces \ th» *« whole being built upon Imagination, ftrong Impreffions,and *' fuddcn Suggcftions made to their Minds : Whence thejf *' are ufually extreme confident (as if immediately informed •* from God ) not only of the Goodnefs of their own State, •« but of their infallible Knowledge, and abfolute Certainty, of ** the Truth of every Thing they pretend to, ander the No- *' tion of Religion ; and thus allReafoning with fome of them *' is utterly excluded. ** But *(is remarkable of thefe, that they arc extremely defi' *' cient in Regard of true Poverty of Spirit, Senfe of exceeding •* Vilcnefs ii) thenrifelves, fuch as frequently makes truly gra- •* cious Souls to groan, bting burdened', as alfo in Regard of *' Meckncfb, Love and Geiitlenefs towards Mankind, Tcn- ** deriiefs of Confcieuce- in their ordinary AfFairs and Dealings *' in the VVorld. And 'tis rare to fee 'em deeply concerned '' about the Principles and E^ids of their Adlions, and under *' Fears left they (houlJ not eye the Glory of God chiefly, '■^ but live to theinfeivcs i or this at Icaft is the Cafe in their " ordinary Condud, whether civil or religious. But if any ^' one of their p?rttcuJarM//5«;,v/hich theirZeal hasefpoufed, •' be artaclc'd, they are flien fo coufcicntious, they muft burn^ i^' if Ga]i'd to it, for the Defence uf it> Yet, at the famcTimc, *« when On the prueding Memoirt: 29 i ^ when they are fo actremtly deficient in Regard of thefe preci- c« ous divine Tempers which have been mention d, they are «« ufually full of Zm/, Concern and Fervency in the Things .« of Religion, and often difcourfe of them with much Warmth *« and Engagement : And to thofe who don't know or don t «* confider, wherein the EJfence of trueReligion confifts, viz. «« in being conformed to the Image of Chrift , not m Point of i« Zealand Fervency only, but in all divine Tempers and « Praaices; 1 fay, to thofe who don't duly obfervc and dif- « tiiiguifh, they often appear like the beft of Men. n*i8 common with this Sort of People to fay, that Godts amonift them,hi,^irit accompanies their Exhortattom and other Ad- mini/iratiom^and they are feai'd by the holyGhoJi.m the remarka- ble Succefs they have, in the greatAfFeaions that are ftirred up in God's People £^r. but to infmuatc, on the contrary, tnat he is not with their Opponents i and particularly, that iyod has forfaken theflanding Mini/iry ; and that the Time is come, when it is the mil of God that they Jhould he put down, andthii iaod s People Jhouid for fake 'em ; and that no more Succefs is ^o^^^^' peSfed to attend their Adminiflrations.- But where can they hnd aa Inftance, among all their moft flaming Exhorters,^hoh2,s been fealed with fo unconteftible and wonderful Suacefs of his l.a- boiirs,as Mr. Brainerd, not only in quickening and comforting God*8 Children, but alfo in a Work of Convidion and Con- verfion ( which they own has in a great Meafure ceafed for a long Time among themfelves ) with a moft vifible and alto- nifhing Manifeftation of God's Power, on Subjeas fo unpre- pared, and that had been brought up and lived, fome of them to old Age, in the deepeft Prejudices againft the very hrttrnn- ciplcs of Chriftianity ; the divine Power accompanying his Labours, producing the moft remarkable and abiding Change, turning the Wildernefs into a fruitful Field, and caufing that which was aDefart indeed to bud and blolTom as theRofe? And this altho' he was not only one of their greateft Opponents \i\ their Errors; but alfo one of thofe they call the /?tf«i/«^j^^- niflry j firft examined and licenfcd to preach hy fuch Mtntlters^ and fent forth among the Heathen by fuch Mini/iers ; and af- terwards ordained hy fuchMiniJiers ; always direaed by them, and united with them in theirConfiftories,andAdminiftrations ; 3nd even abhorring thePraaice of thofe who give out,that they ought to be renounced and feparatcd from, and that Teachers may be ordained by Lay-Men» It i^i Reflexions and Obfcrvations It cannot be pretended by thefe Men, that Mr. BrainerA condemned their Religion, only becaufe he was not acquainted with them, and had not Opportunity for full Obfervationof the Nature,Operation & Tendency of their Experiences : For he had abundant and peculiar Opportunities of fuch Obfervation and Acquaintance: He lived through the late extraordinary Time of religious Commotion, and faw the Beginning and End, the Good and the Bad of it : He had Opportunity to fee the vari« ous Operations and Effeds, that were wrought in this Seafon, more exten/wefy, than any Perfon I know of : His native Plaee was about the middle of Conneificut ; and he was much con- verfantin all Parts of that Colony : He was converfant in the Eaftern Parts of it, after the Religion, which he condemned, began much to prevail there : He was converfant with the zealous People onLong-lJJand.hom one End of the Ifland to the other ; and alfo in New-Jerfey, and Pennfyhania ; with Pec pie of various Nations : He had fome fpecial Opportunities in fome Places in this Province ( Maffachufetts-Bay) where has been very much of this Sort of Religion, and at a Time when it greatly prevailed : He had converfed & difputed with Abun- dance of this Kind of People in various Parts, as he told me ; and alfo informed me, that he had feen fomething of the fame Appearances in fome of the Indians, whom he had preached to, and had Opportunity to fee the Beginning and End of them. And befides, Mr. Brainerd could fpeak niore feelingly and un- derfiandingly concerning thefe Things, becaufe there was once a Time when he was drawn away into an Efteem of them, and for a (hort Seafon had united himfelf to this Kind of People, and partook, in fome Refpedls, of their Spirit and Behaviour. But I proceed to another Obferviition on the foregoing Memoirs. II. This Hlffory of Mr. Brainerdh may help us to make Di/iinSiions smong the high religious ^//J?/^;M,and remarkable Jinprefftons made on the Minds of Perfons, in a Time of great Jwakening^^m\ Revival of Rehgion ; and may convince us, that there are not only Difiindlions in Theory, invented to fave the Credit cf pretended Revivals of Religion, and what is called the Experience of the Operations of the Spirit ; but Diftindions that doaaually take Place in the Courfe of Events, and have a real and evident Foundation in Fa£f, Many Joand m//7/ confound Things, blend all together, and hy, 'Tis all alike j Uii all of thefam$ Sort, So there arc many that 0» ih freceeding Memoirs.' \g^ that fay concerning the Reh'gion moft generally prevailing among the Separati/fs^ and the AfFedtions they manifeft, '77i the jamt that was all over the Land /even Yean ago. And fome that have read Mr. 5rtf/«^r^'s Journal, giving an Account of the extraordinary Things that have come to pafs among ihtlndians in New-Jerfeyy fay, *Tis evidently the fame Thing that appeared in many Places among/i /^^Englifh, which has now proved naughty end come to that which is worfe than nothing. And all the Reafon they have thus to determine all to be the fame Wotk^ and the. fame Spirit, is,that the one manifefted highAfFe(S!ions, and fodo the other ; the great AfFedions of the one had fome Influence on their Bodies, and fo have the other; the one ufe the Terms Convi5iionyConverfion, Humiliation^Comihg to Chri/i ^Difcoveries^ Experiences, &c. and fo do the other ; the Impreffions on the one are attended with a great deal of Zeal, and fo it is witb the other ; the AfFetStions of the one difpofe 'em to fpeak much about Things of Religion, and fo do the other ; the one delight much in religious Meetings, and fodo theother.— - The Agreement, that appears in thefe, and fuch like Things, make 'em conclude, thatfurely all is alike, all is the fame Work. Whereas, on a cloferlnfpedlion &criticalExamination,it would appear, that notwithftandmg an Agreement in fuch Circum- ftances, yet indeed there is a vaft DifFerence, both in Effence and Fruits, A confiderable Part of the religious Operations, that were fix or fevenYears ago,erpecially towards the latterPart of that extraordinary Seafon, was doubtlefs of the fame Sort with the Religion of ih^Separahfis ; but not all : There were many, whofe Experiences were, like Mr. Brainerd*s^'m ajudg- ment of Charity, genuine and inconteftible. Not only do theOppofers of all Religion confifting in power- ful Operations and AfFedions, thus confound Things ; but many of thePretenders to fuch Religion do fo. They that have been theSubje6ls of fome fort of vehement,but vain Operations on their Mind, when they hear the Relation of the Experi- ences of fome real and eminent Chriftians, they fay,Their Ex- periences are of the fame fort : So they fay, they are juft like the Experiences of eminentChriftians in former Times, which we have printed Accounts of. So, I doubt not, but there are many deluded People, if they (liould read thepreceeding Ac- count of Mr. Brainerd's Life, who reading without much Un- derftanding, or careful Obfervation, would fay, without Hefi- tation, that fomeThings which they have met with, are of the very fame Kind with what he cxpreiTes : When the Agreement is 294 Reflexions and Obfcrvations is only in fomc generalCircumftances,or fomcparticuIarThlngi that are fupcrficial, and belonging as it were to the Profeffion anc. Out-fide o( Religion ; but the inward Temper of Mind and the Fruits in Practice, are as oppolite and dlAant asEaft and Welt. Many hone/} good? co^\c alfo, and trut Chrijilansy don't very well know how to make a Difference. The gliftering Appear- ance and glaring Show of falfe Religion dazzles their Eyes ; and they fometimes are foi deluded by it, that they look on fome of thefe Jmpreflions, which Hypocrites tell of, as the brighteft Expeiiences. And tho' they have experienced no fuchThings themfcivcs,they think, it is becaufe they are vaftly lower in Attainments, and but Babes, in Comparifon of thefe flaming Chriftians. Yea, fometimei from their differing fo much from thofe who make fo great a Show, they doubt whe- ther they have any Grace at all. And it is a hard Thing, to bring many well-meaning People to make proper Diftin6lions in this Cafe ; and efpecially to maintain and ftand by 'em ; through a certain Weaknefs they unhapply labour of, whereby they are liable to be overcome wiih the Glare of outward Appearances. Thus, if in a fedate Hour they are hy Reafoning brought to allow fuchand fuch Diftindtions, yet the next Time they come in the Way of the great Show of falfe Religion, the dazzling Appearance fwallows them up, and they are carried away. Thus the Devil, by his cunning Artifices, eafily dazzles the feeble Sight of Men, and puts 'em beyond a Capacity of a proper Exercife of Confideration, or hearkning to theDidates of calmThought & cuol Unt erltand- ing. When they perceive the great Affection, earneft Talk, ftrong Voice, affured Looks, vaft Confidence, and boldAfferti- onsj'of thefe empty affuming Pretenders, they are over- born, lofe the Poffeffion of their Judgment, and fay. Surely thefi Jlhn ere in theRight, God is with 'em of a Truth : and fo they are carried away, not with Light and Reafon, but ( like Chil- dren) as it were with a flrong Wind. This confounding all Things together,that have a fair Shew, is but ading the Partof aChild, that going into a Shop,where a variety of Wares are expofed to Sale (all of a (hining Ap- pearance ; fomeVelTels of Gold and Silver, and fomcDiamonds and other precious Stones ; and other Things that are Toys of IjttleValue ; which are of fome bafe Metal gilt,orGlafs po- lifhed, and painted with curiousColours, or cut likeDiamonds) fibould efteem all alike, and give u great a Price for the vile as foe On the preceeding Memoirs J 205 for the pfeeious : Or 'tis like the Conduct of fome unflcilful raft Perfon, who finding himfelf deceived by fome o/theWarca be had bought at that Shop, fliould at once conclude, all he there faw was of no Value ; and purfuanf to fuch aConelulion, when afterwards he has true Gold and Diamonds offered him, enough to enrich him and enable him to live like a Prince all his Days, he (hould throw it all into the Sea. But we mu/i get into another Way. The want of diftlij- guifhing in Things that appertain to experimental Religion, is one of the chief Miferies of the profeffing World. 'Tis at- tended with very many moft difmal Confcquences : Multi« tudes of Souls are fatally deluded about themfelves, and their own State; and foare eternally undone : Hypocrites are con- firmed in their Delufions, and exceedingly puffed up with Pride : Many fincere Chriftians are dxeadfully perplexed^ darkened, tempted, and drawn afide from the Way of Duty ; and fometimes fadly tainted with fajfe Religion, to the great Difhonour of Chriftianity,aod Hurt of their own Souls : fome of the molt dangerous and perniciousEnemies ofReiigion in the World ( tho' called bright Chriftians ) are encouraged and honoured ; who ought to be difcountenanced and fhun'd by every Body : And Prejudices are begotten and confirmed in vaft Multitudes, againft every Thing wherein the Power and EfTence of Godlinefs confifts ^ and in iheEnd Deifm^&Atheifni are promoted. III. The foregoing Account of Mr, Braimrd's Life may afford Matter of Convidlion, that there is indeed fuch aThing as true experirmntal Religion^ arifing from immediate divine Influences, fupernaturally eqlightning and convineingtheMind, and powerfully imprefEng, quickening, fandlifying, and go- verning theHeart ; which Religion is indeed an amiableThing, of happy Tendency, and of no hurtful Confequence to human Society ; notwithftanding there having been fo many Pretences and Appearances of what is called experimental vital Re- ligion, that have proved to be nothing but vain, pernicious Enthu/tafm, If any infift, that Mr. Brainerd*s Religion was Enthujiafm^ and nothing butaftrange Heat and blind Fervour of Mind,, arifing from the ftrong Fancies and Dreams of a notional whimfical Brain ; I would alk, if it be fo, that fuch Things as thefe are the Fruits of Enthufiafm, viz, a great Degree ©£ Honefty and.Simj^licity,fincere and earneft Defircs !»ndEndea*( 0.4 VQUrt 296 Rcfle(5lions and Obfervations vour9, to know and do whatever is right, and to avoid every Thing that is wrong ; an high Degree of Love to God, De- light ill ihe ^-'erfeitions of his Nature, placing the Happinefs 0/ Life in him ; not only in contemplating him, but in being active in plcaiing and ferving him ; a firm and undoubting Belief in the Mejfiah^ as the Savi jur of the World, the great Prophet of God, and King of God's Church ; together with great Love to him. Delight and Complacence in the Way of Salvation by him, and longing for theEnlargement of hisKing- dom ; earntft Defires that God may be glorified and the J{Jej[ftah^^ Kingdom advanced, whatever Inftrumcnts are made ufe of; uncommon Refignation to the Will of God, and that under vaft Trials ; great and univerfal Benevolence to Man- kind, reaching all Sorts of Pcrfons without Diftindlion, mani- fcfted in Sweetnefs of Speech and Behaviour, kind Treatment, Mercy, Liberality, and earneft feeking the Good of the Souls and Bodies of Men ; attended with extraordinary Humility* Meeknefs,Forgiveners of Injuries, and Love to Enemies ; and a greatAbhorrence of a contrary Spirit andPra6tice ; not only as appearing in others, but whereinfoever it had appeared in himfelf; caufing the moft bitter Repentance, and Brokennefs of Heart on Account of any paft Inftances of fuch a Conduct : A modeft, difcreet & decentDeportment, among Superiours, Inferiours and Equals ; a moft diligent Improvement ofTime, and earneft Care to lofe no Part of it ; great Watchfulnefa againft all Sorts of Sin, of Heart, Speech, and Action: And this Example and thefe Endeavours attended with moft happy Fruits, and blefiedEfFeds on others, in humanizing, civilizing, and wonderfully reforming and transforming fome of the moft brutifh Savages ; Idle, Immoral, Drunkards, Murderers, grofs Idolaters, andWizards ; bringing them to permanentSobriety, Diligence, Devotion, Honefty, Confcientioufnefs, andCharity : And the foregoiog amiable V^irtues and fuccefsful Labours all ending at laft in a rr.arvcllousPeace,unmoveableStability,Calm- nefs, and Refignation, in the fcnfible Approaches of Death ; witb Longing for theHeavenlyState ; not only for theHonours and circumli:2ntial Advantages of it, but above all for the moral PerfccSlion, and holy and blelTedEmpIoyments of it : And thefe Things in a Perfun indifputably of good Underftanding and Judgment : I fay, if all thefe Things are the Fruits of Enihu- fiafm^ why ^^ould not Enthujkfm be thought a dcfirable and excellent Thing ? For what can true Religion, what can the bcft Philcfophy do jnxe: If Vapours and Whiffy will bring Men On the preceeding Memoirs. 297 Men to the moft thorough Virtue, to the moft benign and fruitfulMorality ; and will maintain it through aCourfe ofLifc ( attended with many Trials ) without AjfFe6tation or Self- Ex- altation, and with an carneft conftant bearingTeftimony againft the Wildnefs, the Extravagances, the bitter Zeal, afTuming Behaviour, & feparating Spirit of Enthufiafts ; & will do all this more efFe6lually,than anyThing eife has ever done in any plain knowEj Jnftance that can be produced ; if it be fo, I fay, what Caufe then has the World to prize and? pray for this blefTed VVhimficalnefs, and thefe benign Sort of Vapours ? It would perhaps be aPiejudice with fome againft the whole of Mr. Brainerd's Religion, if it had begun in the Time of the iate religious Commotion ; being ready to conclude (how- ever unreafonably ) that nothing Good could take it's Rife from thofe Times, But it was not fo ; his Conveifion was before thofe Times, in a Time of general Deadnefs ( as has been before obferved ) and therefore at a Sealbn when it was impofliblcthat he (hould receive aTaint from any corrupt Notions,Examples,orCuftom3,that hadBirth in thofeTimes. And whereas there are many who are not profefled Oppofers of what is called experimmtalReligion^vfnQ yet doubt of the Re- ality of it, from the bad Lives of romeProfeiFors ; and are ready to determine that there is nothing in all the Talk about being born a^ain^ being emptied of Self^ brought toa faving Clofewith Chri/i, &c. becaufe many that pretend to thefe Things, and are thought by others to have been the Subje(Sls of 'em,manifeft no abiding Alteration in their moral Difpolition and Behaviour; are as carelcfs, carnal, coveteous,^*^^. as ever 5 yea, fome much worfe than ever : It is to be acknowledged and lamented, that this is the Cafe with fome ; but by the preceeding Account ihey may be fenfible,that it is not fo with all. There are fome indifputable Inftances of fuch aChange, as the Scripture fpeaks of ; an abiding great Change, a Renovation of the Spirit of ihi Mind^ and ,a Walking in Newmfs of Life, In the foregoing Inftance particularly, they may fee the abiding Influence of fuch a Work of Converfion, as they have heard of from the Word of GOD ; the Fruits of fuch Experiences through a Courfe of Years ; under a great Variety of Circumffances, many Changes of State, Place, and Company \ and may fee the blefled Iffue and Event of it in Life and Death. %' IV. The preceedingHiftory ferves to confirm thofeDodlrines afually called tht DoSirines of Grace, For if it be allowed 0.9 2 that 298 Rcfle6kions and Obfervations that (here is Truth, Subftance, or Value in the main of Mr. Bralntrd'n Religion, it will undoubtedly foil' w, that thofe Doc- trines are divine : Since 'tis evident, that the wh-^ie of it, from Beginning to End, is according to that .scheme r * Things ; all built on thole Apprehcnfions, Notions, and Vjews, that arc produced and cftablifhed in the Mmd by hofe Dodtrines, He was brought by Doctrines of this Kind, to his Awakening, and deep Concern aboui Things ot a fpintual and eternal Nature i and by thefe Dodrines his Convictions were maintained and carried on ; and hisConverfun was evidently altogether agree- able to this Scheme, but by no Means agreeing with the con- trary $ and utterly inconfiftent with the jirminian Notion of Converfion or Rf.pentAPCe. HisConverfion was plainly found- ed in a c^ear ftrong Convidion, and undoubting Ferfwafton of the Truth oF th-^fe Things appertaining to thefe Doctrines, which Armtnians moit objcid againft, and which his own Mind had contended molt about. And bis Converfion was no con- firming and perfecting of moral Principles and Habits, byUfe and Pra£lice, and his own Libour in an induftrious difciplinr ing himfelf, together with the concurring Suggeftions and con- spiring Aids of GOD'S Spirit : But entirely a fupernatural Work, at once turning him fromDarknefs to marveliousLight, and from the Power ^t Sin to theDominion of divine and holy Principles ; an EfFedl, in no Regard produced by his Strength or Labour, or obtained by his Vertue ; and not aocomplifh'd 'till he was firft brought to a full Convi6lion that all his own Vertue, Strength, Labours, and Endeavours could never avail any Thing to the producing or procuring this EfFe6t. Avery little while before, his Mind was full of the fame Cavils againft theDodrines of GOD's Sovereign Grace, which are made by Arminiam ; And his Heart full even of a raging Oppofition to 'em. AndGOD was pleafed to perform this good Work in him juft after a fuIlEnd had been put to this Cavilling andOppofition; after he wasentirely convinced, that he was dead in Sin, and was in the Haiuls of GOD, as the abfolutely fovc reign, unobliged, fole Difpofer and Author of true Holinefs. GOD's (liewing himMercy at fuch a Time, is a Confirmation, that this was aPreparation forMercy ; & confequentIy,that thefe Things which he was convinced of, were true :' While heop- pofed thefe Things, he was the Subject of no fuch Mercy j tho' he fo earnefily fought it, and prayed for it with fo much Painfuinefs, Care and Striflnefs in Religion : But when once his OppoUtioa is fully fubdued^ and he is brought to fubmit to the Oh the preceding Memoirs; 299 the Truths, which he before had oppofed,with full Conviaion, then the Mercy he fought for is granted, with abundant Light, great Evidence and exceeding Joy, and he reaps the fweetFruifc 0/ it all his Life after,& in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. In his Converfion, he was brought to fee the Glory of that Way of Salvation by Chrift, that is taught in what are called the Do£irines of Grace ; and thence-forward, with unfpeakable Joy and Complacence,- to embrace and acquiefce in that Way of Salvation. He was in his Converfion, in all Refpe6ls, bro't to thofe Views, and that State of Mind, which thereDo6lrines (hew to be neceflary. And if his Converfion was any realCon- veriion, or any Thing befides a meer Whim, and if the Reli- gion of his Life was any Thing elfe but a Series of Freaks of a whimfieal Mind, then this one grand Principle, on which de- pends the whole Difference between Calvini/fi and Arminians^ is undeniable, v/z. That the Grace or Vertue of truly good Men, not only differs from the Vertue of others r« D^jr^f, but even in Natun and Kind* U ever Mr. Brainerd was truly turned from Sin to GOD at all, or ever became truly Religi- ous, none can reafonably doubt but that his Converfion was at the Time when he fuppofed it to be : The Change he then experienced, was evidently the greateft moral Change, that ever he pafs'd under ; and he was then apparently firft brought to that Kind of Religion, that remarkable newHabit andTemper of Mind, which he held all his Life after. The Nii ration fhews it to be different, in Nature and Kind^ from all that ever he was the Subjed of before. It was evidently wrought at once, without fitting and preparing his Mind, by gradually con- vincing it more and more of the fame Truths, and bringing it nearer and nearer to fuch aTemper : For it was foon after his Mind had been remarkably full of Blafphcmy, and a vehement Exercife of fenfible Enmity againft God, and great Oppofition to thofe Truths, which he was now brought with his whole Soul to embrace, and refl in, as divine and glorious, and to place hisHappinefs in the Contemplation and Improvement of. And he himfelf (who wasfurely befl able tojudge)declare5,that the Difpofitions and AfFeftions, which were then given him, and thence-forward maintained in him, were moft fenfibly and certainly, perfectly different, in their Nature^ from all that ever he was the Subje6l of before, or that he ever had any Con- ception of. This he ever ftood to & was peremptory in (as what he certainly knew j evea to hisDeath. He mufl be looked upon as capable of judging 3 he had OppoHuriity to know : He had pradVifeil ^00 Reflexions and Obfcrvations pra£tifecl a great deal of Religion before, was exceeding ftrift and confcientious, and had continued i'o for a long Time ; had various religious AfFedions, with which he often flattered himfelf, and fometimes pleafed himfelf as being now in a good Eftate: And after he had thofe new Experiences, that began in his Converfion, they were continued to the End of hisLife; long enough for him thoroughly to obferve their Nature, and compare *em with what had been before. Doubtlefs he was compos mentis ; and was at leafl one of fo good an Underftand- ing and Judgment, as to be pretty well capable of difcerning and comparing the Things that pafTed in his own Mind. 'Tis further obfervable, that his Religion all along operated in fuch aManner as tended to confirm hisMind in theDo(Strines pf G9d*s abfolute Sovereignty, Man's univerfai and intire De- pendance on God's Power and Grace, i^c. The more his Re- iigion prevailed in his Heart, and the fuller he was of divine Love, and of clear and delightful Views of fpiritual Things,and the more his Heart was engaged in God's Service ; the more fenfible he was of the Certainty ^^nd theExcellency and Impor- tance of thefc Truths, and the more he was afi^'ecled with them and rejoyced in them. And he declares particularly, that v;hen he lay for a long while on theVerge of die eternal World, often expciling to be in that World in a fewMinutes,yet at the fame Time enjoying great Serenity of Mind, and Clearnefs of Thought, and being moft apparently in a peculiar Manner at a Diftance from an cnthufiaftical Frame, he at that Time Jaw ckarly theTruth of thofe great Do brines of theGofpel, which are juj'tly filled the Dodlrines of Grace, and never felt hunj elf fo capable cf demonfirating the Truth of them. So that 'tis very evident, Mr. 5rfl/«^r^*s Religion was wholly corrcfpondent to what is called the Calvinijiical Scheme^ and was the EtR-d of thofe Doctrines applied to his Heart : And certainly it cannot be donied, that the £11*^61 was good, unlefs we turn Athcilts, or Dcilts. I would afk, whether there beany fuch Thing, in Reality, as Chrifiian Devotion ? — If there be, what is it ? What is its Nature ? And what its jufl Meafure ? Should it not be in a great Degree i* We read abundantly in Scripture, of loving God with all the Hearty with oil the Soul, with all the Mind^and with all the Strength, of De- lighting in God, of Rejoycing in the Lord, Rejoycing with Joy unfpeakiible and full of Glory, th^ Soul's Magnifying theLord^ Tbirfiing for God, Hungring and Thirfiing after Righteoufnefs^ the Soui's breaking fir the Lunging it hath to God's Judgments^ Praying On the precetdfffg Memoirs. 30 1 Praying to God with'firean'wgs that cannot be uttered^ Mourning for Sin with a broken Heart and contrite Spirit, Sec, How full is the Book of Pfalms, and other Parts of Scripture, of fuch Things as thefe I Now wherein do thefe Things, as exprefsM by and appearing in Mr.5ra/«^!r^,either theThings themfelves, or their Effects and, Fruits, differ from the Scripturc-Repre- fentaticns? Thefe Things he was brought to by that ftrange and wonderful Transformation of the Man, which he called his Converfion. And don't this well agree with what is fo often faid, in Old Teftament and New, concerning the giving of a new Heart, creating a right Spirit, a being renewed in the Spi" rit of the A^ind.^ a being farMified throughout, becoming a new Creature, Szc ? Now where is there to be found an Jrminian Converfion orRepcnt2nce,confifting in fo great and admirable a Change ? Can the Jrminians produce an Inftance, within this Age, and To, plainly, within our Reach and View, of fuch a Reformation, fuch a Transformation of a Man, to Scriptural Devotion, Heavenly-Mindednefs, and true Chriftian Morality, in one that before lived without thefe Things, on the Foot of /^^/rPrinciples,and through the Influence of thetrDodtrines ? And here» is worthy to be confidered, not only lheEffeiing in particular, I would take Occnficn from the foregoing Hiftory to mention and propofe to the Confideration of fuch as have the Care of providing and fending MiffiDnaries amongSavages ; viz. Whether it would not ordinarily be bcfl to fend two together ? It is pretty manifeft, that Mr. hrainerd's going, as hedid, alone into the howling Wildernefs, was one great Occafion of fuch a prevailing of Melancholy on hisMind; which Y/as his greateft Difad vantage. He wai> much in fpeak- ing On the preceeding Memoirs.' 309 ing of it himfelfj when he was here in his dyingState ; and ex- pre/Ted himfclf, to this Purpofe, that none could conceive of the Difadvantage a Miffionary in fuch Circumftances was un- der, by being alone ; efpecially as it expofcd him to Difcou- ragement and Melancholy : And fpoke of theWifdom ofChrift in fending forth his Difciples by Two and Two ; and left it as his dyinp;Advice to his Brother, never to go to Sufquahannah^ to travel about in that remote VVildcrners, to preach to the Indians there, as he had often done, without the Compsny of a Fellow- AJiJfionary. VIII. Gne Thing more may not be unprofitably obfervcd in the preceeding Account of Mr. Brainerd ; and that is the fpecial2ir)d remarkable /)///)«^tf2 of divine Providence, with Re- gard to the Ci cumflances'oi his laft Sicknefs and Death. Tho* he had been long infirm, his Conftitution being much broken by his Fatigues and Hardfhips ; and tho' he was often brought very low by Illnefs, before he left Kaunaumeek, and alfo while he lived at the Forks of Delaware : Yet his Life was preferved, 'till he had feen that which he had fo long and greatly defired and fought, a glorious Work of Grace among the Indians^ and had received the wifhed for Bleffingof God on his Labours. Tho* as it were in Deaths cft^ yet he lived to behold the happy Fruits of the long continued Travail of his Soul and Labour of his Body, in the wonderful Gonver- fion of many of the Heathen, and the happy Ef?e£l of it in the great Change of their Converfation, with manyCircumftances which afforded a fair Profpedi of the Continuance of God's Bleffing upon them 3 as may appear by what I fhali prefently further obferve Thus he did not depart^ 'till his Eyes had feen God*s Salvation. Tho* it was the Pieafureof God, that hefhould betaken off from his Labours among that People whom God had made him a fpiritual Father to, who were {o dear to him, and whofe fpiritual. Wei fare he was fo greatlyconcerned for ; yet this was not before they were well initiated and inftru6led in the Cbrif-* tian Religion, thoroughly weaned from their old heathen'ifh and brutifh Notions and PracSlices, and all their Prejudices and Jealoufies, which tended to keep their Minds unfettled, were fully removed 3 and they were confirmed and fixed in the ChriflianFaith and Manners, were formed into a Church, had ccclefiafticalOrdinances and Difcipline introduced & fettled ; were brought into a good Way with Rerpe6t to the Education of Children^ had a Schocl-JVlalkr fent to them in Providence, excellently ^ lo Refledllons and Obfervatlons excellently qualified for the Bufinefs, and had a School fet up and eftablifhed, in good Order, among them ; had been well brought ofF from their former Idle, ftrolling, fottifh Way of Living j had removed from their former fcattered uncertain Habitations ; and were colleiSled in aTovvn by themfelves, on a good Piece'of Land of their own ; were introduced into the Way of living by Hufbandry, and begun to experience the Benefits of it, iz^c. Thefe Things were but jufl brought to pafis by his indefatigable Application and Care, and then he was taken off from his Work by Illnefs. If this had been but a little fooner, they would by no Means have been fo well pre- pared for fuch aDifpenfation ; and it probably would have been unfpeakably more to the Hurt of their fpiritual Intereft, and of the Caufe of Chriftianity among them. The Time and Circumftances of his Illnefs were (o or- dered, that he had juft Opportunity to finifh his Journal^ and prepare it for the Prefs ; giving an Account of the marvellous Difplay of divine Power and Grace among ihtlndians in New^ Jerfey^ and at the Forks of Delaware : His doing which was a Thing of great Confequence, and therefore urged upon him by the Correfpondents^ who have honoured his Journal with a Preface. The World being particularly and juftly informed of that Affair by Mr. prainerdy before hisDeath, a Foundation was hereby laid for a Concern in others for that Caufe, and proper Care and Meafures to be taken for the maintaining it after his Death. As it has a6iually proved to be of greatlnflu- ence andBencfit in thisRefped ; it having excited and engaged many in thofe Parts, and alfo more diltant Parts of Jmerica, to exert themfelves for the upholding and promoting fo good and glorious a Work, remarkably opening their Hearts and Hands to that End : And not only in America^ but in Great Britain, where that Journal ( which is the fame that I have earneflly re- commended to my Readers to poffefs themfelves of) has been an Occaficn of fome large Benefadions, made for the promotin,^ the Intereft ofChriftianity among the Indians, — '•If Mr. Brainerdh2i^ been taken 111 but a little fooner, he had not been able to compleat this his Journal, and prepare a Copy for the Prcfs. He was not taken off from the Work of theMiniflry among his People, 'till his Brcther was in a Capacity and Circum- ftances to fucaed him in hisCare of them : Who fucceeds him in the like Spirit, and under whofe prudent and faithful Care bis Ccrgrcg^tion l-ai flcurifhcd, jnd been szxy h-ppy, fuicehe left On the preceeding Memoirs.^ 3 1 1 left th^m ; and probably could not have been (o well provided for, otherwifc. If Mr. Brainerd hid been djTabled fooner, his Brother would by no Means have been ready to ftand up in his Flace ; having taken his firft Degree at College but about thL't very Time that he was feiz'd with his fatal Confump* tion. Tho* in that VvTinter that he lay fick at Mr. Dickin[on*s in Eiifabeth-Toivn^ be continued for a long Time in an extremely low State, fo that his Life was almoft defpair'd of, and his State was fometimes fuch that it was hardly expected he would live a Day to an End ; yet his Life was fpared a while longer ; he lived to fee his Brother arrived in New-Jerfey^ being come tofucceed him in theCare of his Indians ; and he himfelf had Opportunity to aflift in his Examination and Introdure (when he had intended to have made his Joerney into New- England, but was prevented by afudden greatlncreafe of his Illnefs) it would not have been hkely to have been in any Meafure to fo good Effed : And alfo if he had not been unexpe6ledly detained in Bo/?on ; For when he went from my Houfe, he intended to make but a very ihort Stay there ; But divine Providence by his being brought fo low there, detained him long ; thereby to make Way for the fulfilling it's own gracious Defigns. The Providence of God was remarkable in fo ordering, that altho' he was brouglVt fo very near theGrave in Bo/Ion, that it was not in the leaft expected he would ever come alive out of his Chamber ; yet he wonderfully revived, and was pre- f«rved feveral Months longer : So that he had Opportunity to iee,and fully to converfe with both his younger Bnthr^n before he died ; which wasaThing he greaily dellred ; and efpecially to fee his Brother 7o^«,with whom was left theCare of hisCon- gregation 3 that he might by him be fdly informed of theip of the Hearts of many to contribute liberally to fo excel- lent aDefign ; befides the Benefaaions in /'ff/?c»,aNumfeer of Perfons at Northampton with much Chearfulnefs have given about ^. 160 fold Tenor ) ; and a particular Per- fon in Sprinzfo/d h^is devoted a confiderable Part of his Eftaie to this Intereft. S f 2 State 2 14 Rcfleftioos a^d Obfervations State, and might leave with him fuch Inftru6lions and DireC" tions as were requifite in order to their fpiritual Welfare, and to fend to them his dying Charges and Counfels. And he had alfo Opportunity, by Means of this Sufpenfion of his Death, to find and .recommend a Couple of Perfons fit to be employed as Mijfionaries to the Six Nations ^ as had been defired of him. Thus, altho* it was the Pleafure of a fovereign God, that he fhould be taken away from his Congregation, the People that he had begotten through the Gofpel, who were fo dear to him ; yet it was granred to him, that before he died he fhould fee them well provided for, every Way : He faw them provided for with One to inlfrudt themjand take Care of their Souls ; his own Brother ^ whom he could confide in : He faw a good Foundation laid for the Support of the School among them ; thofe Thing? that before were wanting in order to it, b -ing fupplicd : And he had the Profpedl of a charitable Society being eftablirneci, of able 3i)d well-difpofed Peifons, who feem to make the fpiritual Inttrtfi: of his Congregation their own ; whereby he had a comfortabJe View of .their being well-pro- vided for, for the* future : And he had alfo Opportunity to leave all his dying Charges wiih his Succellbr in the Pafloral Care of his People, and by him to fend his d}ing Counfels to them. Thus God granted him to fee all Things happily fettled, or in a hopeful Way of bdng fo^ before his Death, with Re- fpe.— Mr. ier^jn^rihimfeif as w|s before obferved, was 3x6 RefledlioDS <7»^ Obfcrvations 6fr. was much in taking Notice ( when near his End ) of the mer- ciful Circumftances of his Death ; and faid, from Time to Time, that God had granted him all his Defire, And I would not conclude myObfervations on the merciful Circumftances of Mr. Brainerd^s Death without acknowledg- ing withThankfulnefs, the graciousDifpenfation of Providence to me and my Family, in fo ordering, that he ( tho' the ordi- nary Place of his Abode was more than 200 Miles diftantJ fhould be caft hither, to my Houfe, in his laft Sicknefs, agd (hould die here : So that we had Opportunity for much >V^- quaintance and Converfation with him, and tofhewhimKind- nefs in fuch Circumftances, and to fee his dying Behaviour, to hear his dying Speeches, to receive his dying Counfels, and to have the Benefit of his dyingPrayers. May God in in- finite Mercy grant, that we may ever retain a properRemem- branceof thefe Things, and make a due Improvement or the Advantages we have had, in thefe Refpedls ! The Lord grant alfo, that the foregoing Account of Mr. Brainerd's Life and Death may be for the great fpiritual Benefit of all that fliall read it, and prove a happy Means of promoting the Revival of true Religion in thefe Parts of the World. Amen, 5f 3 iI5 3 5). ^ R RJTyf. Pag. 57. !. 24. r, refredi'd. Pag- 219- Marg. Net. Lin.'iilt. r, Davs before. r§S^2i§^^l!§?S^^IS?iS?I§^lfi?S^^^?K^ BOOKS printed for and fold by D. Henchman at bfs Shop over againji the Old Brick Meeting- Hou/e 171 CornhitL CToddarcfs Sa'ety of appearing in theRighteoufnefs of Chrift* ^ -" His Guide to Chriit. ^ Sbepard*s Sincere Convert. -— .lound Believer. JJip^eton's Wifdom of GOD in theRedemption of fallen Man. -r- Difcourfes from Rom. viii. 14. Setting forth the cleareft and fureft Marks f four being fo led by the Spirit of Go® as to demonftrate that we are the Children oi God. Pemlerton\ Pra61ical Difcourfes, I. The Dignity & Glory of Man's Primitive State. II. The Nature and Neceffity of Converfion. 111. The ReafonaWcnsfsof flriving to obtain Sal- vation, IV. The Method of Divine Grace in Converfian. V. The Nature and Obligation of Receiving Chrift by Faith, VI. The Duty of imitating the Example of Christ, VJI. The Folly of kfing the SouKot the Gain oithdVorld, Dr. PVatt's Guide to Prayer. An Account of the Life and Death of Mri. Elizabeth Bury, The ?v'Tar(ow of Modern Divinity. Touching the Cove- nant of Works, and the Covenant of Grace. In a 'Oi-i.' logue between a Miniffer of the Gofpel— -a Legalift -— aa Antinomian -— and a young Chriftian. Dr. Caiman's Difcourfes on the Incomprehenriblsnefs of GOD. Spiritual Son^^- Or Songs of Praife, with Peiiitential Crifs to Jlmjghty GOD upon feveral Occalions. Together vnth the loNG oi^ Songs which is Solomons. Hooker^s Doubting ChrijHan drawn to Christ. L-yP'g'i Nature an-J Ncceflity of the Nev^-Bii(h. £Jivard/i I BOOKS Sold ly D. Hencliman: Edwardi's Humble Attempt to promote explicit Agree- ment and vifibi'e Union of God's People in extraordinary Prayer for the Revival of Religion &c. Hoimeih Good Government of Chriftian Families recom- mended. With a Difcourfe of fecret Prayer. TFrtzht's Treatife of beirg born again, without which no Man can be faved. Jflliine's Alarm to the Unconverted. Fox on Time and the End of Time. IRuJfel's ^twtn Sermons. Moody {Jo/hua) Pra6lical Difcourfe concerning the Bene- fit of Comraunlon with GOD in his Houfe. Mather's Apology for the Liberty of the Churches in New- England, To which is prefixed a Difcourfe concerning Congregational Churches. Sarnard^s Sermons on feveral Subjedls, viz. A Confirma- tion of the Truth of the Chriftian Religion. Compel them to come in. The Chriftian Hero, or the Saints Vi6lory and | Reward. miliams (Solomon) Christ the King and WItnefs of Truth, and the Nature Excellency and Extent of his Kingdom as founded in Truth and only promoted by it. Some Remarkable PafTages in the Life of the Hen. Col. James Gardner, who was 'bhrnT^t Preji on- Pans* With a Sermon by P. Dodridge, D. D. Meditations on feveral divine Subjeds. I. The Humanity of Christ, jl. The Extenfivencfs of God's good Defign in ftlling Joffph \nio Egypt, III. Christ the King fitting at his Table. 1V^ Of the Love of Christ and faving Knowledge of it. With a Letter to a Friend. I i t? (^C«, M w f A M \