^4.4ii3|l*-1 ^C^^s 
 
 BV 3177 .V36 H38 1847 
 Hawes, Louisa Fisher, d. 
 
 1867. 
 Memoir of Mrs. Mary E. Van 
 
 Lennep 
 
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MEMOIR 
 
 MES. MAEY E. YAI LENNEP, 
 
 ONLY DADGHTER OF THE RET. JOEL MWES, D. D., 
 
 AXD 
 
 WIFE OF THE REV. HENRY J. VAN LENNEP, 
 
 MISSIONARY IN TURKEY. 
 
 BY HER MOTHER. 
 
 L^ui'^rA^ H^he^ fia^\AJ^6 
 
 HARTFORD : 
 
 BELKNAP & HAMERSLEY. 
 
 1847. 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1847, by 
 
 BELKNAP & HAMERSLEY, 
 
 in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Connecticut. 
 
PREFACE 
 
 "That life is long that answers' life's great end." 
 
 To few, perhaps, whose period of action was so limited, could 
 the above sentiment be better applied, than to the subject of 
 this memoir. 
 
 Her life, though short, was filled up with acts of beneficence 
 and love; and although many of those acts, like fragrance 
 borne upon the breath of morning, and then scattered by the 
 winds of heaven, can never again be gathered ; yet something 
 remains in the memory of those who best knew her, and some- 
 thing more in her writings ; and it is hoped that from these two 
 sources a little volume may be made, which will be both inter- 
 esting and profitable to the young. 
 
 In regard to the following memoir, it is proper to remark, 
 that it was not attempted under the imRjression that the subject 
 of it possessed extraordinary powers or attainments. Such 
 quahfications, however desirable in themselves, or coveted by 
 others, are not deemed indispensable to a life of usefulness. 
 
 A friend remarked, " I know of no character more worthy of 
 being presented as a model for tlie young, than Mary's ; and for 
 this reason among many others, that it exhibits no unattainable 
 excellence. It was not by any extraordinary gifts of nature 
 that she won all hearts, and adorned her Christian profession 
 more than any other young person I ever knew,— it was the 
 
jy PREFACE 
 
 complete subjection into which she had brought her every wish 
 and purpose, to the one object of promoting the happiness of 
 others, and their spiritual welfare, that made her daily life such 
 a steady light, and gave to her manners that indescribable 
 sweetness, so that none saw her but to love her. Perhaps I 
 ought to make one exception. I think there was in Mary's dis- 
 position, a very uncommon share of affectionateness and sim- 
 plicity, but of course I cannot judge as well as those who knew 
 her in childhood, whether those traits were as striking then as 
 in after years ; though it seems to me that no self-cultivation, 
 nor even the grace of God, could have supplied them, had they 
 not always existed in an unusual degree. But on this account 
 I should think her character would be a difficult one to delineate 
 with distinctness." 
 
 The traits to which this friend of Mary alludes, the writer of 
 this never expects to portray so that those who did not know 
 her, could see them as exhibited in her life. The beautiful 
 symmetry of her character, embodying as it did every social 
 virtue, and every Christian grace, must have been seen, to be 
 fully known and appreciated. 
 
 There is one circumstance, which, more than any other, 
 prompts the wish to try to sketch something which shall do her 
 justice. She was early called away from the field of her 
 labors ; and as she was eminently qualified and disposed to do 
 good, it does seem to be no more than a suitable tribute to the 
 promise she gave of future usefulness, to attempt to extend her 
 influence beyond the brief period of her life. 
 
 Another reason for writing this memoir, is found in the mel- 
 ancholy satisfaction of recalling the incidents of a life, which, 
 while its few fleeting years were passing, was the source of so 
 much happiness to the mourning survivors. 
 
 As this httle work was not entered upon, under the impress- 
 sion that the subject of it possessed extraordinary powers, so 
 neither was it attempted under the impression that she was 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 exempt from the faults and imperfections incident to our fallen 
 state. Should a perfect character be held up to view as always 
 having been such, it would immediately be felt by all, not to be 
 just, nor true to nature. Mary had faults, but by the grace of 
 God, she was able to correct them ; and on this account her 
 character seems a suitable one to present as an encouragement 
 to those, who, conscious of their own imperfections, are at- 
 tempting to reach some standard of excellence, which appears 
 almost, if not altogether, unattainable. 
 
 It is hoped that this little volume will come to the aid of some 
 such, as a star to guide their trembling steps, on their first en- 
 tering the straight and narrow way ; and it is believed that if 
 her character could be truly presented, it would serve to allure 
 others also into that path, which, to her, was as the "rising 
 light, shining more and more unto the perfect day." 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 PAOK. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 Reminiscences of Childhood, 13 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 Religious Development , . 19 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 School days, and Residence in New Haven, ... 32 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 Early Correspondence, ....;.. 44 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 Her Religious Writings, . 75 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 Sickness and Recovery, 122 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 A Year of Preparation, 143 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Preparations for leaving home. Marriage and departure, 184 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Extract of a Journal kept while crossing the Atlantic, 194 
 
XII CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 Bark Stamboul. Mediterranean 210 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 Residence in Smyrna, . . . . . . . , 235 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Residence at Constantinople, 287 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 Sickness and Death, 316 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 Closing Remarks, : 339 
 
 Lines by a Friend, 342 
 
 Lines by Mrs. Sigourney, , . 343 
 
 A Father's Memorial of an only Daughter, . . . 349 
 A Voice from Heaven, 371 
 
CHAPTER I. 
 
 REMINISCENCES OF CHILDHOOD. 
 
 Mary Elizabeth Hawes, second daughter of the Rev. 
 Dr. Hawes, of Hartford, Connecticut, was born the 16th 
 of April, 1821. The incidents of her childhood, if not 
 remarkable, were yet such as to subject her to a somewhat 
 severe moral discipline. By the time she was four years 
 and four months old, a sister and brother had been removed 
 from her by death, and, as she said, "she had been left 
 alone Uvo ti?nes.^^ 
 
 When Mary was five years old, she was sent to school. 
 The following summer, the parent whose office it was 
 more immediately to watch over and guide her unfolding 
 faculties, observed with pain, that she was contracting a 
 habit, which if not checked and overcome in childhood, 
 would be a blight upon her otherwise lovely character, and 
 greatly endanger, if not destroy, her happiness and useful- 
 ness in after life. It is a humiliating fact, that the propen- 
 sity to deceive is one of the most common faults of child- 
 hood ; but because it is thus common, it is not the less to 
 be dreaded. Neither because it is a fault of childhood, 
 should it be passed by under the mistaken impression that 
 it will be felt and corrected in mature life. So thought not 
 the mother of Mary. Under a full impression of the evil, 
 2 
 
14 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 and desirous that the best means should be adopted for its 
 correction, the father was applied to, for advice and assist- 
 ance. Having admonished Mary of the evil, he concluded 
 by announcing, that the next time any thing of the kind 
 occurred, he should apply the punishment* recommended 
 by the wise man, little thinking that it would ever be 
 necessary to put the threat in execution. Ah, he little 
 thought what ascendency an evil habit might acquire in a 
 short time even, over the mind of a little child, or he would 
 not have expected that the fear of punishment would of 
 itself be sufficient, not only to deter from the fault, but 
 also to form the opposite one of truthfulness. It was not 
 long before there was a repetition of the offence ; not an ag- 
 gravated one, but enough to show that even a beginning 
 had not been made in its correction. " Why did you tell 
 me of it?" exclaimed the agitated and grieved father, as 
 he remembered his threat. But the word had gone forth, 
 and the father's veracity must be maintained. Mary was 
 sent to her room, and the bible was put into her hand, from 
 which, portions had been selected for her to read and apply 
 to her own case. As she was about being left to spend a 
 long summer afternoon alone in her chamber, while her 
 companions were abroad, enjoying the cool breezes in the 
 fields and groves, she said in a tremulous voice, " I think 
 1 know what you and pa' are going to do with me ; I think 
 you are going to keep me on bread and water till I am 
 penitent." The dear child, if penitence had been the only 
 object aimed at, might then have been set at liberty But 
 something more must be gained — such an impression must 
 be made upon her young mind, as should lead her to feel 
 that she must make some effort herself to correct the fault, 
 and she must not be left to suppose that saying " I am 
 
 * See Proverbs, 19: 18. 
 
MRS MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 15 
 
 sorry," and even feeling so too, would of itself be sufficient. 
 When her piece of bread and cup of milk were carried to 
 her in the evening, she was in deep thought, and had evi- 
 dently spent the afternoon in faithfully consulting the bible, 
 with self-reflection and prayer. In the morning, her father 
 took her into his room, and having tenderly admonished 
 her, he covered his face and inflicted upon her little hand 
 enough of pain, to save himself from the charge of falsify- 
 ing his word. 
 
 Mary spoke of this scene with gratitude in after life, and 
 particularly of the delicate manner in which the thing was 
 done ; and said she had " always loved her father for it :" 
 and it is believed that the recollection of her father's face, 
 covered with his handkerchief while inflicting punishment 
 upon his cherished and only daughter, following as it did 
 a season of retirement and reflection, assisted her more than 
 any thing else in forming that character for truthfulness, 
 of which hers was ever afterwards, so beautiful an illus- 
 tration. 
 
 Amongst the plans adopted for her improvement, was 
 one which is now recollected with much satisfaction. This 
 was the daily reading of the bible to her. The practice 
 was commenced when she was very young, and was con- 
 tinued with more or less interruption, long after she was 
 able to read it herself. At first, selections were made, 
 suited to her tender age, and it was also sometimes neces- 
 sary to " translate" the language, to make it intelligible to 
 her. In this way, the Old Testament, commencing at 
 Genesis, and ending with the building of the second tem- 
 ple, had been read to her several times, before she was 
 seven years old. A half hour after tea, is now recalled 
 with pleasant associations, as having been spent in this 
 way, often for months uninterruptedly, when her own inter- 
 
16 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 est in the exercise made it not only a useful, but also a 
 very desirable season. 
 
 Of scripture biography she would never tire ; and as her 
 mind unfolded, she could be easily interested in those beau- 
 tiful specimens of Hebrew poetry, scattered along in the 
 first books of the Old Testament ; the song of Deborah,* 
 for instance. The vivid sketches of Hebrew life and man- 
 ners which this song contains, the beautiful country where 
 the scene is laid, between Mt. Tabor and " Kishon, that 
 ancient river," — the relief too which the country experi- 
 enced, when delivered from the oppression under which it 
 had groaned for so many years — much of this she could 
 enter into and comprehend. 
 
 Even at this early age, there were pleasing indications 
 of the facility with which she could afterwards throw her- 
 self into the situation of others. For instance, when at the 
 close of the song just alluded to, the mother of Sisera is 
 described as calling through the lattice, " Why tarry the 
 wheels of his chariot .^" and then comforting herself that 
 the delay was only the necessary result of victory — that 
 having conquered his enemies he waited to divide the 
 spoil — even then, she could comprehend something of the 
 disappointment and anguish of that mother, when the ter- 
 rible reverse should be made known. 
 
 But her sympathies were not all expended upon the 
 stories and the poetry. The details of history were often 
 listened to with as much interest as the more glowing and 
 picturesque descriptions. A single instance shall suffice. 
 She was listening one evening to a passage in the history 
 of the Israelites, when, after having been recovered by 
 severe judgments from their idolatrous practices, they were 
 beginning again to relapse, unable longer to restrain her 
 grief, she exclaimed, *' O, mamma, 1 know what you are 
 
 * Judges, chap. 5. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 17 
 
 going to read about, the people are going to be wicked, and 
 then God will have to punish them again." 
 
 On the approach of her eighth birth day, it was feared 
 that before another anniversary of the event occurred, Mary 
 would be deprived of the watchful care of her mother, who 
 was suffering from protracted illness. The probability 
 that in her tender age, she would be thrown upon her 
 own resources for improvement and happiness, made her 
 mother anxious to turn her attention more to the sober 
 realities of life. The usual preparations to make it a day 
 of gladness, were therefore exchanged for others more 
 suitable to the circumstances of the occasion. Many little 
 articles for the exercise and improvement of her taste were 
 procured, such as paints, pencils, drawings, &c.; but one 
 thing was done, which doubtless gave a decided turn to 
 her religious feelings, which had heretofore appeared only 
 in an incipient state. 
 
 Her mother had lonoj been anxious for some evidence 
 that she was safe in the fold of the good Shepherd, and 
 this anxiety increased, as the probability strengthened that 
 she would early be left without a maternal guide. To aid 
 her in her efforts to fix in the mind of her child a sense of 
 the importance of" seeking first the kingdom of heaven," 
 she requested a friend to call and converse with Mary, on 
 her birth day, on this important subject. After a short 
 interview, in which he had endeavored to impress upon 
 her mind, the happiness it would afford her through life, to 
 have God for her father, followed by a very affectionate 
 appeal to yield her young heart to him, he made this re- 
 mark to her parents, " I shall expect to hear soon that 
 Mary is a Christian, for I never saw truth sink into the 
 mind as it did into hers, without being followed by such a 
 result." 
 
 Little is recollected of the following year, as her mother 
 2* 
 
18 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 was brought near to death, and Mary was left very much 
 under her own guidance, but her sweet docility, and tender 
 watchful care of her little brother, come as gleams of sun- 
 shine to relieve the mind as it recals those long and weari- 
 some months of deprivation and suffering. 
 
 During this period, her studies were very much inter- 
 rupted, in consequence of her accompanying her brother to 
 an infant school, and also her care of him after he was 
 removed to another, collateral to the one which she attend- 
 ed. Still she made some progress. Some occasional exer- 
 cises at home, were of use in eliciting her mental powers, 
 which although slow in their development, were yet not 
 deficient in interesting qualities. A friend of the family 
 was preparing a course of elementary books for children, 
 and to test them, frequently read parts of them to Mary 
 and her brother. The same friend had another little exer- 
 cise, which he carried on with her in a somewhat playful 
 manner. He directed her to shut her eyes and describe 
 external objects ; gradually leading her mind to an atten- 
 tion to its own processes. In this way she very early 
 acquired a tolerabl}'- correct knowledge of the simplest ele- 
 ments of mental philosophy ; and although her studies at 
 school were of little use to her, yet at home she was 
 making some progress in mental as well as in moral 
 culture. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 RELIGIOUS DEVELOPMENT. 
 
 The spring of 1831, is remembered as an important era 
 in her life. It was seen at this time that her mind was 
 more than usually tender in reflecting on religious truths. 
 Whenever such truths were presented, she felt that she had 
 a personal interest in them. Many tender and deeply 
 interesting seasons are here recalled, which gave intima- 
 tion that she had begun to realize her state as a sinner, 
 needing pardon and peace with God. The impotency of 
 the pen in describing such scenes, almost forbids the 
 attempt ; but one shall be briefly noticed here, which may 
 serve as a feeble specimen of many others. Mary was sit- 
 ting with her brother one Sabbath evening, when he asked 
 her to sing one of his infant school songs. Turning to her 
 mother, she said in a voice trembling and half suppressed 
 by deep emotion — " I wish Thomas would like to have 
 me sing, 
 
 " A fallen creature I was born, 
 And from the birth I've stray'd ; 
 I must be wretched and forlorn, 
 Without thy mercy's aid." 
 
 Here her feelings overcame her, and she covered her face 
 and wept. 
 
20 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 It was near the close of her tenth year, when the scarlet 
 fever, which had been in the city for some time, entered 
 the family, and prostrated the brother before alluded to. 
 Mary was soon taken with the disease herself, and her 
 mother being occupied with her two little sons who were 
 ill at the same time, she was obliged to consign Mary to 
 the care of others. Those who attended upon her, were 
 surprised and gratified to see her so composed and peaceful, 
 while she was very ill, and fully aware of the dangerous 
 nature of the disease ; and they soon learned from herself, 
 that she had been endeavoring to prepare for the issue, 
 should the disease prove fatal to her. But she was spared, 
 and her brother was taken. 
 
 A little previous to the death of this brother, an inci- 
 dent occurred which drew out her strong powers of sym- 
 pathy, and very strikingly illustrated her forgetfulness of 
 self, when she saw others in affliction, and also her very 
 felicitous manner of imparting consolation. The disease 
 had assumed a very alarming form, and the little sufferer 
 was rent with convulsions, which it required no ordinary 
 share of fortitude only to witness. The poor father, una- 
 ble longer to endure the sight, turned away from the bed, 
 and sought his room. Mary followed him. He threw 
 himself upon the sofa, exclaiming, " I can't bear it, I can't 
 bear it ;" and he seemed to be struggling with emotions 
 too painful to be borne. He had already been bereaved of 
 three children, and now a fourth was about to be taken, 
 and in a very distressing manner. He again exclaimed, 
 " The hand of God is upon me ; I don't know but I am to 
 be written childless." Mary drew her seat closer to his, 
 and laying her hand gently on his knee to gain his atten- 
 tion, she looked up in his face and said, " Father, you told 
 ns that God always had a g(.od reason for every thing he 
 did. And has he not a good reason noiv? and is it not 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 21 
 
 right for him to make my little brother suffer so ?" Find- 
 ing her arguments unavailing, as she supposed, to soothe 
 him, because that now he wept more freely, she took 
 down from the shelf a hymn-book, and opening it, said, 
 ^^ dear father, let me comfort you, let me read a hymn to 
 you, shall I ?" The father's heart was too full to speak, 
 and she opened to that very appropriate hymn of Dodd- 
 ridge, commencing, 
 
 " Peace, 'tis the Lord Jehovah's hand" — 
 
 When she came to the verse, 
 
 •' Fair garlands of immortal bliss 
 He weaves for every brow, 
 And shall rebellious passions rise 
 When he corrects us now ?" 
 
 Her countenance shone as if a beam from heaven had shed 
 its light there, and her voice and manner were such as 
 seemed better befitting an angel than a frail child. A rela- 
 tive of the family had followed Mary and her father to the 
 study, and had been a silent, but almost unnoticed observer 
 of the whole ; so absorbed was the father in his grief, and 
 Mary in her attempts to soothe him. She said the scene 
 was more touching, on account of the state of Mary at the 
 time, who having just risen from a sick bed, was still weak 
 and pale. She seemed also to be overwhelmed with the 
 consciousness of her little brother's sufferings, to whom she 
 was tenderly attached, and to feel that she must not now 
 lay her bursting heart upon her father's bosom, for he 
 needed comfort and support himself. In the trying emer- 
 gency, she looked away from human sympathy, and sought 
 in God something which might meet the painful circum- 
 
22 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 stances of the case ; and she thus, meekly, though uninten- 
 tionally, taught a lesson of submission to His perfect will. 
 
 Her father, in speaking of it afterwards, remarked, that 
 he "had never before been so dealt with;" that "she 
 talked like an experienced Christian." 
 
 Her brother's death took place soon after this, and she 
 passed through the trying scene, with a considerateness, 
 unusual for one of her tender age ; and the result showed 
 that it had been to her a season of rich spiritual improve- 
 ment. 
 
 About this time, there were many meetings in the place, 
 where children were addressed on the subject of religion, 
 in a manner suited to their years. Mary was unable to 
 attend any of them, but God was evidently teaching her, 
 although in a different manner, at home. She was told 
 that several of her young companions, who attended these 
 meetings, were becoming interested in religion. This 
 information made her increasingly thoughtful and serious. 
 
 Her father was expecting soon to go abroad, and her 
 mother being occupied in making the necessary prepara- 
 tions, a little brother was committed to the care of Mary, 
 and for a short time she was fully occupied in attending 
 upon him. Though she never neglected her little charge, 
 but always contrived to make him happy, still it was evi- 
 dent that her thoughts were on other things. 
 
 A week or two had passed in this way, when one day 
 she was seen to be more than usually tender and thought- 
 ful. An invalid friend was in the family, and this, together 
 with other things, so constantly occupied her mother's 
 attention, that Mary was necessarily passed by, without 
 even a word, or any other attempt to ascertain the cause 
 of her deep solicitude. But God was not passing her by, 
 as the result showed. Soon after tea, having requested 
 permission to retire, she went to her room. It was late in 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 23 
 
 the evening, when her mother, hearing a soft voice which 
 seemed to proceed from her chamber, went up to see if she 
 was needing any thing.* On opening the door, she found 
 Mary in the attitude of retiring, and singing forth her 
 thoughts in a low, sweet voice. Her countenance was 
 beaming as with heavenly light, and she exclaimed, with 
 an expression wholly indescribable, " O, mamma, I am so 
 happy, I have found God." Her mother stood in silence, 
 her hand still upon the latch, having been arrested by the 
 grateful surprise ; when Mary, supposing that she waited 
 for an explanation of her not having retired earlier, offered 
 as a reason, that she " had been praying a long time, and 
 that it made her so happy she could not leave off." She 
 said, " While I was speaking, God seemed near. It seem- 
 ed as if he heard me ; and I felt that I was speaking to a 
 dear friend, and that He was near as when I speak to dear 
 father." " O, mamma, I am so happy ! I can pray now !" 
 " I have found God I" she again exclaimed ; and her 
 shining countenance bore testimony, that although she 
 might not have seen God ''face to face," yet that He had 
 met her, and had blessed her. 
 
 Some weeks after her father left home, she was visited 
 with dangerous illness. Of the many remarks she made 
 during this season, indicative of pleasant and profitable 
 reflection, a few have been preserved in writing. An affec- 
 tionate and valued friend,* in writing to her father says, 
 *' Mary, as you have probably heard, has been ill. While 
 suffering from fever, 1 was permitted to watch with her, 
 and was delighted to find her mind in such a frame as was 
 most desirable. The first thing she said to me was, ' O, 
 Miss Chester, I have been thinking of the Saviour a great 
 deal to-day; of his sufferings on the cross.' While look- 
 
 * Her Sabbath School Teacher, Miss Jane Chester. 
 
24 
 
 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ing at some beautiful flowers, she spoke of her own garden, 
 and said she could not keep it free from weeds, M'ithout 
 assistance ; adding, ' it is just like? our hearts,' and contin- 
 ued the comparison in a way to which I could not do 
 justice." 
 
 After her recovery, it was thought not best to confine 
 her to the school-room, but to keep her abroad in the open 
 air. She cultivated her garden, gathered mosses, and col- 
 lected pebbles and shells, to build a mimic hermitage. For 
 this purpose she used to ramble through the fields and 
 groves, accompanied by her little brother ; and at such 
 times, her heart used to flow forth in sweet and joyous 
 communings with nature and its great Author. There 
 was for many months an indescribable expression of peace- 
 fulness and joyousness, beaming from her countenance ; it 
 seemed to proceed from a sweet sense of her acceptance 
 with God. 
 
 Some years after this, when she was about leaving the 
 home of her childhood, to go to her Eastern home, she 
 spoke to her mother of this happy season in her youthful 
 days. She said is was in her memory " like a long, bright, 
 happy dream ;" " it was unlike the rest of her life, it was 
 so free from care, and so full of happiness and peace.'' 
 And it may be added, that to one who witnessed it, it 
 seemed like a continual hymn of praise to God. 
 
 There was one circumstance, which, even more than the 
 happiness she enjoyed, showed that she was at this time 
 under divine teaching, and that her heart had indeed been 
 touched with the love of God. It was this. From the 
 moment she found relief in prayer, or, as she said, "could 
 pray," she set about attempting to persuade her young 
 companions to pray, and others also, whom she could 
 influence. It is not known, whether she was successful 
 at this time in her efforts, except in one instance. A poor 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 25 
 
 girl, who lived at service in the family of a relative, was 
 an object of much interest to Mary, and she attempted as 
 she had opportunity, to impress upon her mind a sense of 
 the importance of prayer. After laboring long, and wait- 
 ing patiently, her feeble eiforts were at length crowned 
 with success. 
 
 To avoid a wrong impression being made by the fact just 
 related, an impression that Mary was obtrusive, in her 
 efforts to promote the spiritual welfare of others, it should 
 be said, that in all her attempts of this nature, there was 
 so much of quietness and secrecy, that butfor their results, 
 they would never have come to the knowledge of any, 
 except the individuals concerned. In the case just men- 
 tioned, her efforts were wholly unknown to any, excepting 
 the poor girl and herself But when there was reason to 
 hope that the object of her interest had indeed become a 
 child of God, she could no longer refrain from telling her 
 mother ; and she did this, not to relate her own agency in 
 the case, but to find relief for the fullness of her joy. Her 
 heart was overflowing with gratitude for the happiness 
 which this poor girl now experienced in the duty of prayer, 
 and which Mary regarded as evidence of her having be- 
 come a child of God. She hoped also, to impart some- 
 thing of her own joy to her mother. 
 
 It was somewhere about this time, perhaps earlier, that 
 her powers of voice began to be developed. Before this, 
 she had indeed been able to bear her part in the music of 
 the family, and in the infant school, but now she had the 
 instructions of a master. The scene is still fresh in the 
 memory of the writer, when Mary, and a group of young 
 companions used to assemble to practice singing. An hour 
 in the cool of the long summer mornings, was devoted to 
 this exercise. While yet the air was fragrant with the 
 breath of flowers, and the birds were pouring forth their 
 3 
 
26 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 glad notes, the teacher was training the young voices of 
 his pupils to a soft toned violin. The little pieces which 
 were given them to practice, were full of pure sentiments. 
 They were the natural expressions of joyous and grateful 
 hearts ; and there was also much in them, that was fitted 
 to inspire and to cherish a taste for natural enjoyments. 
 
 Mary had a high relish for all the appropriate amuse- 
 ments of childhood. Among these, the rural party, and 
 the song, were her favorites. Always happiest when con- 
 tributing to make others happy — delighting rather to place 
 the May crown on the head of a friend, than to w^ar it 
 herself. At the little concerts in which she bore a part, 
 her gratification rose to its height, when some young 
 friend sung with more than ordinary sweetness. At such 
 times she would listen with breathless attention, and then, 
 when all was over, she would offer her congratulations 
 with such affectionateness, as left no doubt of her sincerity. 
 
 From the time Mary was ten years old, she had a strong 
 desire to make a profession of religion ; but her father 
 being absent, she waited patiently the first half year; and 
 after his return, another half year passed, and still this wish 
 remained ungratified. Ever docile and confiding towards 
 her parents, and yielding to their slightest wishes in other 
 matters, yet in the matter of a profession of religion, she 
 felt that she had a right to know why she was deprived of 
 the privilege. 
 
 One Sabbath, when her mother returned from a com- 
 munion season, she found Mary sitting in her room, appa- 
 rently in deep thought. As she entered, Mary addressed 
 her thus : " Mamma, when our Saviour said, ' do this in 
 remembrance of me,' did he not mean to include children ?" 
 She was told as she had before been, that her father thought 
 her too young to take so important a step. With great 
 seriousness of manner, she asked, " how old must I be, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 27 
 
 before 1 obey Christ ?" She was told that her father 
 thought twelve, a suitable age to make a lofessionof 
 religion ; when bursting into tears, she exclaimed, " I 
 shall have to wait another year, and I have waited a whole 
 year now."" 
 
 During the following summer, the cholera, which had 
 ravaged many parts of the country, entered New England, 
 and there were such indications of its approach to our prin- 
 cipal cities, as to arouse the vigilance of health committees 
 and others, to prepare to meet it. One day Mary ad- 
 dressed her mother on the subject in this way. " Mamma, 
 if you should be sick, I should not be frightened; I should 
 know just what to do." She was asked if she should be 
 frightened, if she herself were to be sick, and also, if she 
 had done every thing she would wish if the disease should 
 prove fatal to her. The momentary uneasiness occasioned 
 by her answering in the negative, was removed by her 
 saying, " I should like to make a profession of religion 
 first." Thinking she might be making a merit of this, she 
 was asked if she thought it would make her any better. 
 '* O no," was her prompt reply ; " but I do want to leave 
 my name for Christ." When she was twelve years old, 
 this wish of her heart was gratified, and with several 
 youthful companions, she took her place at the table of the 
 Lord ; and seldom, it is believed, is that ordinance ap- 
 proached in a more acceptable manner. 
 
 Mary, at this time, was highly favored in her instruc- 
 tions at Sabbath school. Her father has made this remark 
 of her Sabbath school teacher. " Out of her own family, 
 no human being exerted a greater, or more happy influ- 
 ence in the formation of her Christian character, than 
 Mary Jane Chester, afterwards Mrs. Hovey." Ever alive 
 to the best interests of her pupils, she could not pass by the 
 occasion when one or more of them professed their faith 
 
28 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 in Christ, by uniting themselves with his visible church, 
 without some more than ordinary expression of the deep 
 interest she felt in their spiritual welfare. The hymn 
 which she selected for her young pupil to learn on this 
 occasion, doubtless had a very favorable bearing on her 
 Christian character ever after. It was often quoted by 
 Mary, and is in memory so identified with her Christian 
 course, and withal so beautiful, that it is presumed its 
 insertion here will not be unacceptable. 
 
 *' Jesus, I my cross have taken, 
 
 All to leave, and follow Thee, 
 Naked, poor, despis'd, forsaken. 
 
 Thou, from hence, my all shaltbe: 
 Perish ev'ry fond ambition, 
 
 All I've sought, or hop'd, or known ; 
 Yet how rich is my condition, 
 
 God and heaven are still my own. 
 
 Let the world despise and leave me : 
 
 They have left my Saviour too ; 
 Human hearts and looks deceive me, 
 
 Thou art not, like them, untrue ; 
 And whilst thou shalt smile upon me, 
 
 God of wisdom, love, and might, 
 Foes may hate, and friends may scorn me, 
 
 Show thy face, and all is bright. 
 
 Go, then, earthly fame and treasure, 
 
 Come disaster, scorn and pain. 
 In thy service pain is pleasure, 
 
 With thy favor loss is gain. 
 I have called thee Abba, Father, 
 
 I have set my heart on thee ; 
 Storms may howl, and clouds may gather, 
 
 All must work for good to me. 
 
 Man may trouble and distress me, 
 \ 'Twill but drive me to thy breast : 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 29 
 
 Life with trials hard may press me, 
 Heaven will bring me sweeter rest. 
 
 Oh ! 'tis not in grief to harm me, 
 While thy love is left to me ; 
 
 Oh ! 'twere not in joy to charm me. 
 Were that joy unmix'd with thee. 
 
 Soul, then know thy full salvation, 
 
 Rise o'er sin, and fear, and care : 
 Joy to find in ev'ry station 
 
 Something still to do or bear. 
 Think what spirit dwells within thee, 
 
 Think what Father's smiles are thine : 
 Think that Jesus died to save thee : 
 
 Child of heaven, canst thou repine 1 
 
 Haste thee on from grace to glory, 
 
 Arm'd by faith and wing'd by prayer ; 
 Heaven's eternal day's before thee, 
 
 God's own hand shall guide thee there. 
 Soon shall close thy earthly mission. 
 
 Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days ; 
 Hope shall change to glad fruition. 
 
 Faith to sight, and prayer to praise. 
 
 Although its full rich meaning, could not all be taken 
 into the mind of one so young, and also inexperienced in 
 the painful vicissitudes of life, yet to this full salvation her 
 eye was steadily directed, and to the attainment of this, all 
 else was made subservient. From this period, her rela- 
 tions to the other world never were lost sight of. 
 
 She early manifested an interest in missions. An inci- 
 dent which occurred when she was a little child, will show 
 the ease and readiness with which she could be interested 
 in the missionary cause. Her mother said to her one day, 
 *'here is a field for you, Mary," at the same time pointing 
 out to her something which she could do to aid in the good 
 work. With great seriousness of manner she replied, 
 " If I am ever fit to be a missionary, I mean to go to the 
 3* 
 
30 MRS. MARY E, VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Flat-head Indians;" and it was ascertained that she had 
 been interested in an account of this benighted people, 
 which she had seen sometime previous in one of the pub- 
 lic prints ; and that their efforts to obtain the knowledge 
 of " the true way to worship the great spirit," had so 
 wrought upon her sympathies, as to lead her to form the 
 purpose of one day going to instruct thenn herself. 
 
 After she had made a profession of religion, she took a 
 more decided stand, in aiding, not only the missionary 
 cause, but also the many objects of benevolence which 
 came within her sphere. When Dr. Parker left this coun- 
 try for China, which was sometime during this year, she 
 so arranged it, that a young friend, the daughter of a mis- 
 sionary, should be present when he took leave of the fam- 
 ily for the last time. With her friend, she accompanied 
 him to the gate, and when he requested to be remembered, 
 her heart responded, and she instantly formed her plan 
 how to do it. While returning to the house she said, 
 *' we will sew for him, Sophia ;" at the same time offer- 
 ing her hand to her friend as a pledge. 
 
 She immediately formed a society of very little girls, 
 making it a condition they should earn the penny they 
 brought, by doing something for their mothers at home, as 
 most of them were too young to sew. Her benevolent 
 and inventive mind, suggested many expedients to interest 
 the little group, during the hour appropriated to the meet- 
 ing. Sometimes she spread on the table around which 
 they were arranged, something to please the eye, such as 
 pictures, and specimens of natural curiosities ; sometimes 
 she told them stories to interest them in missions, and 
 other benevolent objects — again with a delicate touch, she 
 would endeavor to ascertain, whether there were any indi- 
 cations of tenderness on religious subjects. One little girl, 
 the most healthful and robust among the number, after 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 31 
 
 meeting a few times, was suddenly removed by death. It 
 was noticed, that the last time she was present, when she 
 presented her penny, it was with a moistened eye ; and it 
 was hoped that these little meetings were among the means 
 of preparing her for her early removal. 
 
 Before entering on any plan of benevolent effort, Mary 
 counted the cost, and took advice of her seniors. Jn the 
 formation of the society just named, she saw each mother 
 separately, before inviting the children to join it, and while 
 their approval gave her strength, a feeling of responsibility 
 to them, gave consistency and earnestness to her efforts. 
 
 The avails of the first and second year were sent, and a 
 letter was received in reply. The distant missionary 
 wrote, that the communication from this little band, was 
 like cold water to one perishing with thirst ; that, while 
 those on whom he had depended to cheer him, by writing 
 to him in his exile, had disappointed him, yet God had put 
 it into the hearts of these little ones, to comfort and encour- 
 age him in his work. Many an eye was moist as the let- 
 ter was read and commented on, and doubtless many a res- 
 olution to persevere was then renewed. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 SCHOOL DAYS AND RESIDENCE IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Mary entered the Hartford Female Seminary sometime 
 during her twelfth year, and remained a pupil in that insti- 
 tution until August, 1838, at which time she graduated. 
 Little, out of the ordinary course of studies in term time, 
 and visiting by way of relaxation in vacations, is recollect- 
 ed to have occurred, excepting that she had an additional 
 source of enjoyment in the acquisition of a new friend, 
 
 Marion D , a native of the south, was received into the 
 
 family in June, 1836, and was Mary's room mate and com- 
 panion in study, until the time of her leaving school. As 
 both were only daughters, these young friends became ten- 
 derly attached to each other, and each felt that she had 
 found a sister. In all that contributed to make up the 
 daily routine of life's duties, enjoyments and petty trials, 
 they were one. Marion became settled in her Christian 
 views and feelings, and made a profession of religion while 
 in the family with Mary ; thus adding a new tie to the 
 many which already bound them together. The parting 
 of these young friends was painful to both. Particularly 
 was it so to Mary, as in her case there were none of those 
 alleviating circumstances, which so filled the mind of her 
 friend, as to make her almost forget the coming separation. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 33 
 
 Marion was cheered with the prospect of meeting kind 
 parents, and a large circle of affectionate brothers, in the 
 *' sunny south," while Mary was to be left almost alone, 
 with no young heart to send back its sisterly response to 
 her own. 
 
 A little incident which attended the parting of these 
 friends, may not be uninteresting here. It was a delight- 
 ful morning in the month of August, while it was yet dark, 
 excepting that the stars shone with an unusual brilliancy, 
 when the stage-coach, which was to convey Marion away, 
 drove up to the door. The two friends walked hand in 
 hand to the gate, when Mary's eye caught the Constella- 
 tion of Orion in the eastern sky. Directing the eye of her 
 friend to it, they both stood for a few moments silently 
 looking up at this splendid constellation, then parted, never 
 more to meet, till the arch of this lower heaven, in all its 
 brightness, shall have passed away. As she returned to 
 the house, she seemed bewildered that Orion should have 
 appeared at that time, saying, " I thought it was only in 
 winter that we saw it in this place." Her mother reminded 
 her that she had never been out under the open sky in the 
 month of August, at four o'clock in the morning. This 
 recalled at once her bewildered thoughts, and she stood for 
 a few moments in the portico, over which a grape vine, 
 heavily laden with fruit, was twining its branches. The 
 cool morning air, which gently stirred the leaves, and shed 
 forth the fragrance of the ripening clusters, seemed to 
 soothe her throbbing temples and aching heart. Some- 
 time after her death, amongst her papers, were found the 
 following lines, which the foregoing incident seems to have 
 suggested. 
 
34 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 '' On seeing Orion', in August, a few hours before sunrise. 
 
 " I little deem'd that thou wert near, 
 King of the starry throng ! 
 I thought when fields were brown and sere, 
 'Twas then thou'd pass along : 
 And yet I see thy bands of light 
 Beaming from yon blue vault, 
 Brighter than gems of eastern mines. 
 With glittering diamonds fraught. 
 
 How oft when winter's icy hand 
 
 Hath bound each vale and hill, 
 
 I've seen thee make thy nightly course 
 
 In grandeur, proud and still ; 
 
 And one I lov'd was with me then, 
 
 And oft with her I look'd 
 
 Up to the cold blue sky where thou 
 
 Thy mighty circuit took. 
 
 We watch'd thee with thy starry train, 
 
 And thought that thou must look 
 
 In silent mockery on our earth, 
 
 As 'twere a thing of nought. 
 
 And now, while on the clust'ring vines 
 
 The fruit hangs heavily, 
 
 Thy girdle in the east doth shine 
 
 Before the rising day. 
 
 And hast thou come, proud Orion I 
 
 At this our parting hour. 
 
 To call back days of happiness 
 
 Which we may see no more 1 
 
 With mingled awe and grief we stand 
 
 Beneath thy pale cold beams. 
 
 While scenes of pleasure long gone by. 
 
 Pass us in saddened trains. 
 
 Thou shin'st upon our parting hour. 
 And still as years roll by. 
 
MRS> MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 35 
 
 Thou wilt pursue thy onward course, 
 
 Bright monarch ! in the sky — 
 
 And e'en like Him who plac'd thee high 
 
 Within thine azure home, 
 
 Thou all unchanged wilt onward pass 
 
 Round the eternal throne." 
 
 Mary was in the habit of expressing her feelings in 
 poetry, when her sensibilities were roused, especially 
 when about to be separated from a friend — but she did 
 nothing which nmight lead to the knowledge of her writing 
 poetry, except to put her pieces into the hand of the indi- 
 viduals for whom they were designed. 
 
 As Mary needed some relaxation, after her long confine- 
 ment in school, and also to be diverted from her sense of 
 loneliness when her young friend left her, it was thought 
 best that she hould spend the winter following these 
 events, in New Haven. But another reason for sending 
 her there was, the many sources of improvement which 
 would be open to her in that place. 
 
 This was a very important period to Mary, and perhaps 
 the most critical one in her whole life. It was once re- 
 marked by a father, that " it is a very difficult thing to 
 emancipate a child gracefully, from parental authority." 
 Something analogous to this, might be said to have been 
 the state of Mary at this time. She was just beginning to 
 think and act for herself — she was about to find her place in 
 society ; and the position she now took, would in all 
 probability be the one which she would maintain through 
 life. 
 
 It was in the month of October, 1838, that she was 
 taken to New Haven by her father, and placed for the 
 winter in the family of Dr. Fitch. At the close of her first 
 day in this family, she writes, " Dear father gave me much 
 excellent advice during our ride, which I intend to remem- 
 
36 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ber. Do please, mother, write me soon and often, and tell 
 me how I must conduct. I hope soon to become accus- 
 tomed to the regulations of the family, and think I shall 
 find much time to read and to improve — and now if my 
 heart will keep right, I see not but that I may have a very 
 pleasant and quiet winter." 
 
 At the close of the first week, she writes again, — " Nov. 
 1st. I prize every moment which is spent in Mrs. Fitch's 
 society. She appears to have read and thought much, 
 and by conversing with her only a short time, I learn what 
 would be of great value to me, if I could only remember 
 it. She seems an observer of human nature, so much so, 
 that she has found out my weak points already." 
 
 Again to her father she writes, — " I am very happy in 
 the society of my dear Mrs. Fitch. Her views of life are 
 so rational, and her Christian principles are such as I wish 
 every one could possess. Her views coincide with yours, 
 and my dear mother's, and with so many kind guardians 
 to point out to me the path of duty, I should be very much 
 in fault, should I mistake it." 
 
 In this family she found much to gratify her taste, par- 
 ticularly her love of flowers and music. A few slight noti- 
 ces of hers, may help to fill out a picture of her life at this 
 time. " I have removed my writing apparatus to the 
 green-house, but it is rather too tempting a place, for I have 
 half a mind to jump up and look at the flowers, there are 
 so many beautiful ones here." In the morning she writes, 
 " The sun, as it shines in through the plants in the green- 
 house, does look beautifully ;" and again at evening, '' I 
 have just risen to see how softly and brightly the moon 
 shines in upon the flowers, making it look like some fairy 
 land." 
 
 She had naturally a rich and sweet voice, but for the 
 modulation of this, as well as for her exquisite touch of the 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 37 
 
 piano, she Avas greatly indebted to the fine musical taste of 
 Dr. Fitch. 
 
 In regard to the manner of spending her time, she writes, 
 "My time glides away smoothly and quietly here, and I 
 hope it is spent usefully. The young; ladies have invited 
 me to join their sewing society, and as Mrs. F. approves 
 of it, I have consented to do so. After prayers and break- 
 fast, I read every morning a chapter to Mrs. Fitch in the 
 French Testament, which 1 find very improving, for she 
 is an excellent scholar in that language. We sew during 
 the morning, when generally some one reads. At half 
 past eleven, we go to the laboratory, where the chemical 
 lectures are delivered; and this takes up all the remainder 
 of the time until the dinner hour, which is at one o'clock. 
 We make our calls during the afternoon, and write or sew, 
 and have music during the evening." 
 
 Of her reading she says, — " Mrs. Fitch is reading 
 Shakspeare with me, and some of Milton's short poems. 
 We have just finished Marshall's Life of Washington, and 
 found it very interesting, though he told us not much about 
 the life of his hero, excepting as it was connected with the 
 revolution. We have thought it best to read ' Spark's' 
 also, because it contains many of his private letters, and 
 also a large number of interesting facts, of which Marshall 
 makes no mention." 
 
 To the books already named, were added many others 
 equally valuable — and her reading during the winter was 
 rendered both interesting and profitable, as it was enriched 
 by the criticisms of Mrs. Fitch, which were highly dis- 
 criminating and useful. 
 
 Besides the Chemical, she attended the Philosophical 
 Lectures, and a valuable course on Ancient History ; and 
 also some shorter courses, on other subjects. Of these 
 4 
 
38 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 lectures, she was in the habit of taking notes, and often 
 spoke of them pleasantly, in her letters home. 
 
 Of the Chemical Lectures she writes, " They are very 
 interesting. The experiments are beautiful. To day, 
 Prof. Siiliman made a thermometer, and we were all much 
 interested v/ith the process. I sat breathless while he 
 heated the thin glass ball to expand the quicksilver and 
 exhaust the air. There was danger that the ball would 
 break with the heat, but Mr. S. was peculiarly fortunate, 
 and nothing occurred to hinder the result. 
 
 Mary ever cherished the most grateful recollections of 
 this winter. It was to her among the bright visions of the 
 past — such as she never expected to meet with again. 
 But whenever she spoke of the advantages of this winter, 
 she always named first, the benefit which she derived from 
 intercourse with Mrs. Fitch. Of this lady, she wrote, 
 " I cannot feel sufficiently grateful, that I am permitted to 
 enjoy the society and friendship of one so highly gifted in 
 intellect, and of such warm devoted piety." 
 
 To a friend, the summer after her return home, she 
 writes thus. " I passed, as you very well know, a delight- 
 ful winter; and I now look back upon it as the most im- 
 portant six months in my whole life. I believe it has 
 given the coloring to my whole existence. I cannot find 
 words to express my grantude to my dear Mrs. Fitch. If 
 I am ever of any use in the world, or if my mind is in any 
 degree directed to worthy objects, it will, next to the exer- 
 tions of my own dear parents, be owing to that excellent 
 lady. She is just the friend I need, and never in this 
 world will she know how much good she has done." 
 
 Mary remembered this winter as an important one to 
 her on another account. So many new trains of thought 
 passed through her mind, presenting such new views, and 
 awakening such new emotions, that it seemed to her, as 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 39 
 
 if a change had passed over her whole being. A few 
 weeks before her return home, she writes thus to her 
 father. 
 
 '' April 5th, 1839. — I feel, that during this winter, my 
 views and feelings on many, nay, on almost every subject, 
 have changed. When I think of what I was last summer, 
 of the manner in which 1 then thought and acted, I am 
 almost disposed to doubt my own personal identity, so dif- 
 ferent am I now. Yet I can hardly tell you the exact 
 things in which my views differ from what they once were, 
 and if you were to see me now, I do not know that I should 
 appear changed. I believe I have thought more this 
 winter, than I ever did before in my whole life. 1 have 
 read more than ever before.* 1 have already begun to 
 think what I shall do this summer, and I hope some plans 
 I have with regard to reading, maybe put into execution." 
 
 " You told me in one of your letters, — ' have more of 
 Cato,' — and I have thought of it very often, since. De- 
 cision of character is what I need very much, and I have 
 found out lately, that the want of it has been the cause of 
 much of my weakness. It has been very easy to mark out 
 any course of study I have wis!ied to pursue, and to begin 
 it in a very fair manner ; but my want of firmness has made 
 it very difficult for me to continue, and so, many plans of 
 usefulness have been given up, for no other reason, than for 
 the want of decision to carry them on. I have suffered so 
 
 * Mary might have added, that she had written more than ever 
 before. Her letters to her correspondents, during the six months 
 she spent in New Haven, covered several quires of paper, compactly 
 written. These contained much interesting, and some useful mat- 
 ter; particularly, her own views on various subjects; and there is 
 a vein of sprightliness running through them, which makes them 
 interesting to those to whom they were addressed; but they are 
 chiefly valuable, as they are a faithful transcript of her affectionate, 
 confiding heart. 
 
40 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 much for the want of it, that I fanc}^ I could make out a 
 very good catalogue of the evils to which its absence gives 
 rise. But I do not wish to weary you, dear father, with 
 an account of my weaknesses, though it is some comfort 
 to me to understand myself; and I hope I am not yet too 
 old to amend. Do you know, papa, I shall be eighteen 
 very soon r Just think of your daughter being so old ! 
 Oh, I cannot think of it. I should like to be seventeen for 
 a long, long time to come." 
 
 Time alwa^^s passed rapidly with Mary. A moment is 
 never recollected to have hung heavily upon her hands. 
 She placed her standard of character high in every respect, 
 and this led her sometimes to undertake more than could 
 be accomplished. During this winter she wrote thus to 
 her mother — ^' I do feel that it is best to have a high stand- 
 ard, for then we shall rise higher, although we may not 
 entirely succeed in reaching it." An incident on the 
 morning when she was twelve years old, here occurs to 
 the mind of the writer. On entering the room where her 
 birth day presents were spread out upon the table, after 
 casting a look at these mementos of affection, she turned 
 to her mother, and with much emotion exclaimed, " Oh 
 mamma, I have now entered my teens, and 1 have not 
 accomplished half what I intended to have done." 
 
 In the somewhat extensive and varied circle in which it 
 was her lot in life to move, there were not wanting occa- 
 sions which might enable her to test the real value of 
 earthly pleasures. The syren cup, in its rounds, was not 
 unfrequently passed into her hand, and if she sometimes 
 sipped of its sweets, it was not so much to see how near 
 she could approach the boundaries of evil, and remain un- 
 harmed, as from the difficulty of ascertaining the right 
 course. It was ever a study with her, how she might 
 recommend the religion which was so precious to herself, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 41 
 
 to those amongst whom she moved, who were destitute of 
 it. For this, she was ever ready to sacrifice every thing 
 but principle. An incident in her seventeenth year, may 
 perhaps serve as an illustration of this part of her charac- 
 ter. Into the musical circles of which she was, for several 
 winters, a very happy member, dancing had been introdu- 
 ced, and she had taken a part in it, as a thing of course. 
 At length, something occurred which turned her attention 
 to the propriety of professors of religion participating in 
 such an amusement. Her example was appealed to by a 
 young professor, who attended public balls, in justification 
 of the thing. When asked by a friend whether he thought 
 the practice consistent with his Christian profession, he 
 replied that " Mary Hawes danced." True, there was a 
 difference between the two cases, but this was merely cir- 
 cumstantial. The difference related to the time, the place, 
 the company, and not to the thing itself, — in both cases it 
 was dancing. On hearing this, Mary promptly discontin- 
 ued the practice, and gave the whole subject a serious and 
 very careful investigation, which resulted in the conviction 
 that, however right it might be for others, it was wrong 
 for her, and she ever after conscientiously refrained from 
 participating in it. 
 
 In a letter to one of her Hartford friends, during her 
 winter in New Haven, she said, referring to the " Music- 
 als," "• They were very pleasant. I look back to those 
 Friday evenings last winter, with much pleasure, yet with 
 some pain, for I did suffer in refusing to join in the dancing. 
 Perhaps it seemed strange, and too rigid to you, that M. 
 and myself refused the entreaties of the girls — but though 
 it did pain us to do so, as it appeared unkind, yet we could 
 not in conscience join with them. There was no harm 
 in the thing itself, and I suppose that I could, without 
 injury to myself, Lave engaj,ed in the amusement, and en- 
 4* 
 
42 I^niS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 joyed it highly. Yet, there were other things to be con- 
 sidered, which fully convinced me, that it would be wrong 
 for me to do it, however right it might be for others." 
 
 At tirst, Mary continued to meet with these circles, and 
 unite with them in the music, but refrained from the dan- 
 cing ; but finding this rather annoying to her young friends, 
 with their consent, she retired when the dancing commen- 
 ced, having first contributed her share to the musical enter- 
 tainment of the evening. At length circumstances convin- 
 ced her, that it was best to refrain from both. These 
 musical circles afforded almost the only recreation in which 
 she could unite with others, at the time of her retiring from 
 them. They were also composed of friends whom she 
 tenderly loved, and in the promotion of whose happiness, 
 she found her own increased. Her love of music was also 
 such as few possess, and the exquisite delicacy of her taste, 
 rendered her performance a rich addition to the entertain- 
 ment of the evening, and made her friends exceedingly 
 reluctant to have her retire. In addition to this, an entry 
 in her private journal shows, that it was at a time when 
 she " pined to mingle more in society." It is not surpri- 
 sing therefore, that it should have cost her somewhat of a 
 severe struggle to give them up. Besides, in refraining 
 from a participation in what appeared wrong to her, she 
 would place herself in the attitude of a reprover ; and how 
 could she do this ? Her gentle nature shrank from the 
 trial, but she sought and obtained strength, from a higher 
 source than man, and a consciousness of doing right sus- 
 tained her. 
 
 As years passed by, and she gained more light upon the 
 subject, having time to test the effect produced on the 
 character of those who were in the habit of indulging in the 
 amusement, and also being able to obtain from others whom 
 she highly respected, the testimony which they could give 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 43 
 
 her from their own experience, she reviewed this early 
 decision with comfort and satisfaction. 
 
 And if she were now asked whether she regretted this 
 decision, what response would come back from the hills of 
 light, where she is uniting in the anthems of heaven ? 
 Would it be regret at this slight sacrifice ? Would it not 
 rather be regret, that while she had the opportunity, she 
 made so few and so feeble sacrifices for " Him who loved 
 her, and gave himself for her." 
 
 The course pursued by Mary in relation to the subject 
 above referred to, had an eminently happy effect on her 
 Christian character and influence ; and now that she is 
 gone, it is remembered by her parents with the most grate- 
 ful satisfaction, that she was enabled, by divine grace, 
 to take a stand so honorable to religion, and so adapted to 
 prepare her for her early removal. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 EARLY CORRESPONDENCE. 
 
 When it was in contemplation to prepare a brief Memoir 
 of Mary, a friend who knew her well, and who highly- 
 appreciated her, made the following suggestions in regard 
 to the best way of doing this. " I think that her writings 
 will give a more vivid impression of her character, than 
 any thing else. They all show the same conscientious- 
 ness, warm feelings, and quick perception of the good and 
 beautiful, which were so strikingly manifested in her life." 
 
 Believing this to be true, and also having abundant mate- 
 rial of the kind, the remainder of the volume will be com- 
 posed of sketches furnished by her own pen, with occa- 
 sionally a remark or two in addition, by way of connection 
 or explanation. 
 
 This plan is also in accordance with an opinion which 
 Mary herself entertained. In a letter to a friend during 
 the winter she spent in New Haven, she says, *' I think 
 there is no way in which the character of a person is so 
 fully disclosed, as in his letters. The leading traits gen- 
 erally appear in one way or another. 1 believe what lit- 
 tle character I possess, appears in my letters. We are 
 sometimes better able to express our ideas and feelings in 
 writing, than in conversation ; and I have found out more 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 45 
 
 of the character of my friends at Hartford, by their letters, 
 than I should by being in their society for years." 
 
 The amount of her writing was indeed considerable, for 
 one who occupied so quiet a station ; and the friend just 
 alluded to, was doubtless correct in saying, that " she wrote 
 three times as much as most young ladies, who do not ac- 
 complish half what she did in other things, and yet are by 
 no means idle." It should be added, that she seldom devo- 
 ted to writing, that portion of time, which is ordinarily 
 spent in the dail}', active duties of life. She had a surpri- 
 sing facility in saving the fragments of time, and making 
 them tell in somethino; tano;ible afterwards ; and much of 
 her writing was done in those odd moments, which are 
 usually spent in recreation or rest, or rather by most young 
 persons in doing nothing at all. She had also a very good 
 facility in the use of the pen, thinking and writing with 
 great accuracy, seldom omitting a word or even a letter, 
 and never copying. Facility and dispatch were, however, 
 in her case, wholly the result of practice. When in her 
 childhood, she first began to embody her ideas in a school 
 composition, it seemed as if she never would be able to do 
 this, and four or six lines at most, was all that her small 
 stock of thought could possibly furnish. And then she had 
 rather more difficulty than is usual, in learning to hold her 
 pen, being naturally inclined to use the wrong hand, and 
 there was always something of weakness in the right one. 
 
 Her correspondents were numerous, but it was only com- 
 paratively a few with whom she kept up a constant inter- 
 course through the medium of the pen, whenever she was 
 separated from their society. With these she communica- 
 ted without reserve, on whatever interested her at the 
 time, in something of the style of animated conversation. 
 But her letters must speak for themselves, with this excep- 
 tion, however, that what are inserted in this volume, are 
 
46 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 only extracts, and therefore none of them can appear with 
 the beauty and sprightliness which they wear as a whole. 
 Although in all her letters there were sufficient indica- 
 tions that she was always under the influence of religious 
 principle, and that she greatly desired her frien > might 
 sympathise with her in this, yet there were times when 
 she made a more than ordinary effort to turn their atten- 
 tion to the subject of religion. It is hoped that it will not 
 be out of place, to insert a few of the many letters she 
 wrote for this purpose, in this little volume, that so she, 
 *' being dead," may yet continue to speak to others, in the 
 same simple and touching eloquence with which she was 
 ever wont to plead for the care of the soul. They will 
 therefore be dispersed through the remaining pages, accord- 
 ing to their dates. 
 
 To S , one of her early friends. 
 
 Hartford, July, 1838. 
 " Two weeks more, and my name will cease to be en- 
 rolled among those who attend the Seminary, and I shall 
 have passed those old walls, never again to return as a 
 pupil. It is a pleasant and also a painful thought. The 
 last of any thing is sad, but I am inclined to think the last 
 term of school is particularly so. The parting look at the 
 old familiar seats, where we have so often bowed at the 
 feet of learning, the farewells spoken with companions of 
 our study, and more than all, the adieus to our beloved 
 teachers, are painful tasks, hut they will come. I have 
 been for many years at the Seminary, until I am familiar 
 with every spot, and I can truly say, that I have spent 
 hours of unmingled pleasure there, and I do not think I 
 shall ever meet happiness purer, and less tainted with 
 earth in any other place. Mr. B. is so good, so excellent, 
 I feel that I have but just begun to know his worth, he 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 47 
 
 takes such a kind interest in all his pupils, and watches so 
 over us with a father's care. I feel more at leaving him 
 than any one else. Mrs. Y. too, I shall always remember 
 with love and respect. She has shown me great kindness, 
 during all the time I have been at school. 
 
 Dear S., we have had a very interesting time since you 
 left us. 1 hope we feel thankful to our Heavenly Father 
 for his goodness in giving us such a precious revival. 
 When you return here, I think you will find a change in 
 some of those who were gay and thoughtless when you 
 left. 
 
 Dear S., may I be permitted to urge upon your atten- 
 tion, that subject which I know has in time past interested 
 you, and which I would hope does so still. Have you, 
 my dear friend, retained any thoughts on the subject of 
 religion, or has it all passed from your mind ? Is there 
 any more convenient season for which you are waiting, ere 
 you make your peace with our Father in Heaven ? He is 
 such a good Father, that we would persuade you to come 
 and make trial for yourself. He is waiting to make you 
 his child. Can you stay away any longer from such a kind 
 friend .? Perhaps you think that you have friends enough, 
 and happiness enough ; but without God for your friend, 
 and religion for your happiness, you are, and must ever 
 be, destitute of true enjoyment. 
 
 You have permitted me, in time past, to address you on 
 this subject, and may I not hope that you will excuse me 
 now ? O, my dear friend, when I see so many whom I 
 love, entering the path of life, I think of one who has ever 
 been dear to me, and I pray that she too may come and 
 walk in that path which leads to happiness, and everlast- 
 ing life. May it not be so, soon, dear S ?" 
 
48 IklRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 The one to whom the following is addressed, was a very- 
 dear friend of Mary's, and she seems to have preferred 
 writing, as it allowed her to use greater plainness with one 
 with whom she found it to be a very delicate and dilEcult 
 thing to converse on the subject of personal religion. 
 
 " I have wished for a long time, dear , to speak 
 
 with you on a subject which should be interesting to us 
 both ; but whenever I have attempted, it seemed as if a 
 spell bound me which I could not break. I do not wish 
 to preach a sermon, for that is not my office, but I do wish 
 as a Christian, to speak to my dearest friend. On every 
 subject we converse freely, and our sympathies on other 
 subjects are also one. Should not our ' aims, our hopes,' 
 be one ? We are now entering upon the active concerns 
 of life, and already do we form our opinions on the various 
 subjects, which come up before us, and ought we not at 
 this important period of our existence, to consider the sub- 
 ject of religion, and to make up our minds as to the influ- 
 ence which its truths shall have over us through life ? 
 
 Dear , 1 have longed to tell you to what I feared your 
 
 dissatisfaction with yourself was owing. Is it not to a 
 want of fixed, Christian principle to guide you ? Without 
 such a principle for our guide, how can we expect to thread 
 the wildering mazes of this life. The principles and max- 
 ims of the world are radically wrong, and the bible is our 
 only guide. This is the golden clue to conduct us out of 
 this labyrinth of uncertainty. You have said that you 
 wish to study this winter — and will it not be best to begin 
 at the fountain head of all knowledge, so that all you learn 
 may serve to raise you higher in the scale of being ? Ah, 
 of what use will it be to study the works of God, if we are 
 at variance with His righteous laws. It will but serve to 
 increase our misery, if we, who see his wisdom and glory 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 49 
 
 in the creation around us, still keep on sinning against 
 him. 
 
 My dear friend, let me entreat you to think of this sub- 
 ject. Do not put it away lightly. You are living for eter- 
 nity. O, that this truth might impress itself so upon you, 
 that you could not forget it ; that its voice might sound in 
 your ear, whether in the gay throng, or the silence of your 
 own chamber, till you should be compelled to stop and 
 inquire what you should do to prepare for the scenes before 
 you-" 
 
 To the same. 
 
 New Haven, 1838. 
 
 *^ Oh, how much there is yet to know ! This vast uni- 
 verse lies before us, with its infinite mass of matter and 
 mind, and then there is an eternity in which to exercise 
 
 our powers. Oh, , how much we may accomplish ! 
 
 Just in the spring time of our existence, with souls which 
 will forever rise in purity and blessedness ; or will forever 
 sink in degradation and woe. Our careless, childish days 
 have passed, and now the serious business of living and 
 acting in God's universe, is beginning to be felt by us. 
 
 K'lay we, my dear friend, have One for our guide, who 
 will lead us on in the paths of wisdom and virtue, until we 
 shall arrive at that state, where the soul will once more be 
 in its native glory." 
 
 To her friend at the South, the Summer after her return from 
 New Haven. 
 
 Hartford, July 13, 1839. 
 *' My dear M.^I returned yesterday from a delightful 
 visit to Farniington, where 1 have been spending a few 
 
 5 
 
50 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 days in the lovely family of Mr. N. I took your letter 
 with me, intending to have a pleasant time in writing to 
 you among the groves and hills of that sweet place; but 
 as every hour was occupied, I was obliged to forego the 
 pleasure. You never went to the house I believe, but I 
 know you would like it. The rooms are airy, yet home- 
 like, and there is every thing to gratify the taste in music, 
 flowers, books, drawings, &c. There is a wild little glen, 
 just at the foot of the garden, which has been left in its 
 natural state. I took my book there one morning, and 
 found it a very fit place to read of highland scenes as they 
 are pictured by Scott. A seat has been built on the edge 
 of the ravine, enclosed by a wooden parapet; and while I 
 sat there and looked down on the little brook, which mur- 
 mured at the bottom of the glen, and saw the sun-light 
 dancing through the thick trees, and playing among the 
 shadows, it seemed like a spot for a fairy queen to hold 
 her court. 
 
 It is a year, a w^hole year, since we graduated. Can you 
 believe it ? I can ; for never did a year seem so long in 
 some respects, although it seems short in others. Tell 
 me, Marion, which were happiest, school days, or days 
 out of school ? Ask me, and I will tell you that this last 
 year has been the happiest of my whole life. I only wished 
 you, dear M., a little nearer. I feel as though I had just 
 begun to live ; 1 have such new feelings, such delightful 
 themes for contemplation — and then, 1 am so happy in my 
 friendships. I believe there never was any one who has 
 so much to be thankful for. To be sure I have trials ; 
 and who has not? How can we expect to live in this 
 world, without some things to trouble us ? My greatest 
 trials are from my own evil heart. There are times when 
 every thing looks gloomy and perplexed, and when I fear, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 5| 
 
 I shall never know the truth ;* shall never be able to find 
 its hiding place, in this labyrinth of perplexity. But our 
 heavenly guide, who says, ' ask and ye shall receive,' 
 will not leave in darkness any sincere inquirer after truth ; 
 and He who has said, 'be ye perfect, as your Father in 
 heaven is perfect,' will He not guide our feeble steps, as 
 we are attempting to follow him, until purified from sin, 
 we shall one day stand forth in our Creator's image ? 
 While gazing on the beauties of nature, amid the hills and 
 groves of the country, I thought, what a heaven our earth 
 would be, were the moral world as beautiful as the mate- 
 rial. Dear M., do you not think that the goodness of our 
 Heavenly Father, strikingly appears, in permitting those 
 who forget him, to enjoy so much of beauty and happiness 
 as there is in this fair earth ? 
 
 You don't know how very important I feel, in having 
 so much to attend to at home, that my place is missed 
 when I am absent. It has really raised my self esteem, to 
 know that I am needed any where, and especially to know, 
 thai in the family circle I may be of some use. There 
 seems to me no pleasanter sphere of usefulness, than that 
 which the eldest daughter has. It is such a comfort to 
 take the weight of family duties off from mother, and to 
 soothe father when he comes wearied from the affairs 
 which occupy his time — and then it is delightful to aid 
 brother in his lessons, and to watch his mind as it begins 
 to unfold. How careful I must be, lest by a word of mine, 
 that mind be directed wrong ! 
 
 Tell me, dear M., how you succeed in all your plans. 
 
 * This state of mind, might have been owing, in part, if not en- 
 tirely, to her having read several of the then new and popular wri- 
 tings of the day, such as Emerson's, for instance, and several trans- 
 lations from the German, which, while they dazzled, also bewil- 
 dered. 
 
52 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 As only daughters we have common sympathies ; and may 
 aid each other in devising ways for increasing our influ- 
 ence, and making it of the right kind. 
 
 I am writing to you, dear M., in the still noontide, when 
 every thing seems to have gone to rest but 1 have prefer- 
 red talking with you, to yielding to the drowsy influence 
 around." 
 
 Her taste, as it developed itself in the love of the beau- 
 tiful in nature, threw a charm over her whole life, and 
 contributed to enrich her intercourse with friends. It made 
 her an exceedingly desirable companion in a rural party. 
 There, away from the world, with friends whom she loved, 
 she delighted to revel amidst the beauties of the fair crea- 
 tion around her. 
 
 The following description from her pen, of a scene that 
 occurred in such a party, of which she was one, will give 
 some idea of the ease and readiness with which she could 
 contribute her share to enliven such an excursion. Its 
 date also, places it here. 
 
 Neio Haven ^ August, 1839. 
 
 " Yesterday afternoon we had a delightful ride to Sal- 
 tonstall Lake. Is it not enchanting ? Who would think 
 that such a little fairy region was enclosed by those hills .'* 
 
 While taking our refreshments, we heard voices on the 
 opposite shore, and could discern female figures gliding 
 amongst the dark trees — gentlemen too, one with a guitar. 
 We thought ourselves fortunate, in selecting a different 
 side from them, as they might have considered us as intru- 
 ders. Dr. and Mrs. F. were too tired to ascend the hill, 
 so J. and I thought we would beau ourselves up. We did 
 not go round by the path, but clinging hold of the boughs 
 of pine, we almost swung from place to place, it being too 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 53 
 
 steep to admit of a firm foot hold. It became easier after 
 we had reached the regular path, and escaped the tangled 
 brushwood ; and we sauntered on at our leisure, while 1 
 sang loud and carelessly, using the freedom that this moun 
 tain land gave, 
 
 ' Through the wood, through the wood, follow and find me, 
 Search every hollow, each dingle and dell ; 
 I leave not the print of a footstep behind me, 
 
 So they who would see me, must seek for me well.' 
 
 A voice came up from the water, and it repeated, with 
 beautiful emphasis, every word of the song. I stood pet- 
 rified with amazement and fear. I little expected to have 
 awakened the echoes of the lake. J. enjoyed my embar- 
 rassment, and Mrs. F., who walked on the shore, called 
 to her to have me respond to the echo. But the music 
 from the water conmienced again, — ' Shall we meet again, 
 Mary?' and I answered, ' never, oh never.' 
 
 Each word was heard with perfect distinctness in the 
 clear regions where we stood, although neither party could 
 see the other. We were hidden from the lake by thick 
 pine trees, yet every ripple of the waters, and dipping of 
 the oar, sounded upon the still air. Mrs. F. could see the 
 musical boatmen, and she said they rested on their oars, 
 looking up intently as they sung to wake ' the mountain 
 echo.' 
 
 Thus we went on singing and responding many beauti- 
 ful songs. 
 
 ' Near the lake where droop'd the willow,' 
 
 ' My heart's in the highlands, &c.' 
 
 and many others. At last we sang our farewells, and J. 
 and myself descended to the shore. I should not have been 
 willing to have carried on this little frolic of romance, if I 
 had not recognized the voice, (for it was no other tlian 
 
 5* 
 
54 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 W — , the brother of the poet,) and had I not been certain 
 also, that my own was not recognized, for he had never 
 heard me sing before. We separated with no other recog- 
 nition than what our songs afforded, and returned to the 
 city. 
 
 I feel tempted to describe our lovely ride home in the 
 evening, — but words express sojeehly what we feel in be- 
 holding scenes in nature. We rode slowly along round 
 the shore of the bay, watching the sun as it set, and threw 
 its rays on the water. The dark clouds, which hung por- 
 tentously in the western horizon, were lighted with gor- 
 geous hues, and the brilliant reflection strangely contrasted 
 with the sombre colors beneath. The day had been warm, 
 and the breeze which came in from the sound, was refresh- 
 ing to us after our rambles. Far away to the south-east, 
 we could discern a few light sails, while the city lay 
 stretched out before us, with its guardian rocks, presenting 
 their bold outline to the sky. It was a scene which might 
 tempt a painter's skill." 
 
 To M. D. 
 
 October 1st, 1839. 
 ** My dear M. — I am at present very liaypy-, in the society 
 of a new friend, who speaks the language of love, joy, hope 
 and every other feeling of the heart. Now, who do you 
 think it is ? You are no yankee, so I will tell you that 
 the day before yesterday, I received a beautiful piano. 
 My friends all come to see it, and it returns their atten- 
 tions with such effect, that they are delighted. For my- 
 self I can say, that I never heard a more perfect instru- 
 ment. Mr. G., our organist, whose taste is considered 
 equal to any one in this country, says that it is the finest 
 he has touched since he came to America. Such a union 
 of brilliancy, softness, sweetness and power, is rarely sur- 
 passed by any instrument*" 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 55 
 
 To another friend, she speaks of her piano thus. " Dr. 
 F. came to try my new piano, and I was delighted with 
 the high opinion he entertains of my ' rose wood compan- 
 ion.' tie thinks it the finest he has ever seen, and has 
 paid it or me, a compHment, which is very flattering. He 
 has set some beautiful verses to music, and inscribed it to 
 his friend Mary, an honor she feels quite unworthy of. 
 The music is very sweet, just suited to the words. If you 
 were only here I would sing them to you." 
 
 The piano of which she speaks, was presented to her by 
 some highly respected and much loved friends of her 
 father's, and was a gift worthy the donors. Many were 
 the devices of her grateful heart, to make to them some 
 suitable expression of her sense of the favor they had done 
 her ; but she at last concluded, that to make it subservient 
 to her better qualification for usefulness in life, would be 
 the best return she could make them, and would also be in 
 accordance with the object for which it w- as given her. 
 
 To M. D. 
 
 Hartford, Oct. 16, 1839. 
 " Oh, if you were only here, and 1 could talk with you 
 instead of writing. 1 am seated where I can look far away 
 to the south, and as I gaze on the scene before me, I can 
 almost imagine that I see the spires and elms of my own 
 New Haven, skirting the horizon. How often have I sat 
 at this window, and wished that my vision might extend 
 to that lovely city. 'Tis a year next Monday, since I 
 went there for the winter — what a thrill comes over my 
 spirit, every time I think of last winter! I love to dw^ell 
 on each little incident — every hour, almost every moment 
 is as fresh to my memory, as if it had passed only yester* 
 
56 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 day. The last year has been my happiest ; and why the 
 recollection of it is mingled with sadness 1 can hardly tell — 
 perhaps because 'tis past, never to return. If I should go 
 there ever again to spend anytime, it would not be like the 
 last winter ; for some of my dearest friends have gone, 
 some have died, and some changed. 
 
 I must tell you something of the affairs of our little 
 circle. We have a sewing society, which meets every 
 fortnight on Tuesday, and a musical every intervening 
 Tuesday. Then we hope also to have a reading society, 
 and these occupations, together with the Institute Lectures, 
 which are quite fashionable now, will take up a considera- 
 ble portion of our time during the winter. We have our 
 little prayer meetings, as usual, on Thursday afternoon of 
 each week, and every Sabbath evening there is an exercise 
 in Doddridge at the Lecture room. 1 have quiet, pleasant 
 times at home in reading, and now and then, star gazing.* 
 
 You see how particular I have been to tell you of our 
 affairs, so that if you choose to remember us this winter, 
 you may imagine how we are situated. For myself I 
 must say, that I hope the coming winter will be spent in 
 such a manner, that when I look back upon it from the 
 distant ages of eternity, it may be with approbation. 
 
 Had I been told a year ago, that M. would allow six 
 months to pass, without writing to her northern friends, I 
 should have said that the person who could make such an 
 assertion, was unworthy of my confidence. I know that 
 strange things happen in this world, and I must be pre- 
 
 *To these details should be added, that some portion of each day 
 found her actively employed in household duties, and that she waa 
 often abroad on errands of benevolence, or engaged in the same at 
 home. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 57 
 
 pared for them, but unfaithful friends are what I know 
 very little about from experience. Thus far I have never 
 been deceived in a friend, and though 1 cannot suppose 
 that I shall always be so favored, yet I should be very sorry 
 to know that Marion was the first to break the spell, the 
 magic spell of friendship. I will therefore have all leni- 
 ency now; and not think that Marion has given up her 
 northern friends. I will wait yet longer, for I cannot bear 
 to come to such a conclusion." 
 
 To the same. 
 
 Hartford, January 29, 1840. 
 
 "Your long looked for letter, my deaf Marion, came, 
 and was received with much satisfaction. It set every 
 thing right, so far as doubt of your friendship was concern- 
 ed ; and while we cannot help feeling a little sad, that our 
 dear M. D. is to be forever lost, we hope to find in Mrs. 
 S. E., a friend who will possess the same sweet, affection- 
 ate qualities. 
 
 So then, you are to be a good minister's wife, and lady 
 of the parish ; and while you are attending to the various 
 preparations for the approaching eventful day, and arran- 
 ging all the wedding paraphernalia, we are quietly pursu- 
 ing our course, very much in the same way as when you 
 was one of our number. Perhaps if you were to see us, 
 you might think we were somewdiat changed. You left 
 us when our characters, though formed in the main, were 
 yet in a state to receive any new impression, and if you 
 were now to return, you might find opinions, and feelings, 
 and principles quite new-modeled. I am inclined to think 
 that the same is true of you. Your letters show that you 
 have somewhat altered in your views of things, though I 
 
58 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 hope your character in general, bears a near resennblance 
 to the M., who was once the joy of our social circle. 
 
 My beloved Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Hovey, has 
 
 left us for her home in heaven. It seems a sad dream I 
 
 do not yet realise it. But it is so. We shall go to her, 
 but she will never return to us. For some weeks past the 
 world has looked dark to me, but heaven has been bright, 
 as it has opened its portals to receive our beloved friends 
 to its mansions of rest. 
 
 I am thinking of going to New Haven for a few days ; 
 but it will be a sad visit — so many absent from our circle — 
 some in the busy tumult of life, and some in * the spirit 
 land.' But ' passing away,' is written on every thing 
 earthly. How sweet it is to look beyond this misty, 
 gloomy world, where all things are shrouded in dim twi- 
 light, to the bright, pure Heaven, where * the sunshine of 
 glory eternally reigns.' 
 
 Am I wrong in writing to you thus, when you are in the 
 midst of so much happiness ? 1 know, dear M., that to 
 you the world must wear a beautiful countenance, and life 
 appears to pass amid green vales and clear streams, and be- 
 neath blue and smiling skies. 1 pray that it may always 
 be thus fair. I know it will be so, if your way is illumined 
 by the sun of righteousness, and if, amid the storms which 
 may ere long beat upon it, your spirit shall catch, and 
 reflect, the rays of glorious brightness, which even through 
 the gloom, come to us from the world of light and peace. 
 
 And now our paths in life are really to be different. 
 Yours will be one, where many responsibilities will meet 
 you; but of whatever nature these may be, I shall ever 
 pray that you may have strength to meet them. May you 
 have the light and peace of a Christian hope to shine, not 
 only on your bridal day, and on each festal scene, but also 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAX LENNEP. 59 
 
 to orild, with a quiet lustre, the sober duties of life which 
 will follow ; and happy in your husband's love, may you 
 pass through life usefully, until at length you shall arrive 
 at that world, where only is known the full bliss of friend- 
 ship. 
 
 We should love to be present with you on the 19th. If 
 we all come as a band of spirits around your bridal train, 
 will you not bid us welcome? 
 
 Did you receive a letter from me which was written in 
 July ? I was very happy at that time, and dreamed away 
 many long summer days in bright anticipations and sweet 
 remembrances. Now the dreamer is becoming a little 
 more sober. How could she help it ? when so many she 
 loved have departed, either to distant lands of this same 
 rolling orb, or to unknown regions in this vast universe, 
 which can be reached only ihrough death's gateway. What 
 scenes are every hour transpiring in distant worlds, while 
 we go wandering on in this little globe, so much occupied 
 with what appear to us as ' vast designs,' that we scarcely 
 look be^^ond to the universe around, from which we are 
 separated by only a breath." 
 
 To . 
 
 February 16, 1840. 
 " I have wanted, many times during this week, my 
 
 dear , to renew our conversation on the topics 
 
 which occupied us on Monday. It is a too deeply inter- 
 esting subject, which concerns our eternal welfare, to give 
 it only a passing attention. A winter's walk in a noisy city, 
 is no place nor time to converse on such themes. I long 
 for the time to come, when we can go and converse amid 
 the woods and fields, and talk of that world which will be 
 our home, when this has passed away. My dear friend, I 
 do want you to think of your preparation for that world. 
 
60 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 You say you ' do not feel.' That is one reason why you 
 should think. How is it we become interested in any sub- 
 ject ? Is it not by giving our attention to it ? Dear , 
 
 you are now confined by a sickness, which shuts you out 
 from general society. Is it not therefore a favorable time 
 to think of God, and of your duty to him ; of the Saviour, 
 and of all that he has suffered to redeem you from death; 
 of all his Spirit is now doing, to win you to the love and 
 service of God, and to raise you to heaven ? Be persuaded 
 to give it your whole attention. A passing thought will 
 not do. Is a day too long ? Would you think so if you 
 were saved by it, and in some distant age, from the 
 heighths of purity and wisdom which you had attained, 
 should look back on that one day spent in seriously pon- 
 dering the question of your soul's salvation ?" 
 
 Mary had a contemplative mind, slightly tinged with 
 sadness, and yet she was never melancholy. She has 
 noticed this trait, or habit of mind, in her private journal ; 
 for, as she said, it seemed to constitute a part of her very 
 being, and she watched its influence on her Christian char- 
 acter, with great carefulness. She says of herself, " I can- 
 not hear a strain of music, or gaze on the quiet sky, with- 
 out having an under current of sadness mingling with my 
 deep enjoyment. Prom a child I have felt it. When 
 quite young, I remember wondering why Ifelt half sad, half 
 happy, on one sunny summer afternoon, when, upon along 
 green hill side where I was playing, the sun-light lay so 
 still and beautiful. It was the commencement of a feel- 
 ing which has since grown, so as to tinge my whole char- 
 acter. Every thing I most enjoy is most sad." She 
 ^* mused on nature," with a Christian's, as well as " with 
 a poet's eye." Some sketches from her pen, illustrative 
 of this trait, will be placed here on account of the date 
 they bear. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 61 
 
 Musings. Last day of Spring, 1840. 
 
 " Again are these exquisite, though soul-sickening days 
 with us in all their oppressive loveliness. The soft winds 
 stir among the green boughs, scattering the last blossoms 
 of spring upon the verdant turf. Above us, the skies smile 
 in their ever varying beauty. The trees, robed in fresh 
 foliage, hanging not heavily, as in sultry summer days, 
 wave gracefully in the fragrant breeze, while the sunlight 
 dancing in the shadows beneath them, sheds a softened 
 radiance over leaf and flower ; or rests in golden beauty on 
 gentle slopes and meadows of living green. Beautiful 
 warblers plume their bright wings, and soar far away into 
 the vault of heaven, where soft clouds rest like a snowy 
 veil above earth's loveliness. And I have come to my old 
 familiar seat. How soft the light steals in through the 
 half closed shutters! With what a gentle sound do the 
 ever varying tones of nature fall upon my ear ! And yet 
 my soul is not still. Oh, ye days of beauty, tell us why in 
 all your loveliness, ye do wake mournful chords within us .'* 
 Tell us why each whisper of the breeze calls forth a gush 
 of sadness from our burdened hearts, and as we bend in 
 silent admiration, a something all too deep for utterance, 
 presses on the soul with its heavy weight ? 
 
 I was much interested this morning with a verse in 
 *' Mrs. Hemans' Voice of Music," embodying the thought 
 that the sadness which even the most joyous melody awa- 
 kens, is for the want of a perfectness, which can never be 
 found on earth, and for which the soul seeks in vain. Or, 
 as she beautifully expresses it, 
 
 " A something which finds not its answer here, 
 A chain to be clasped in a holier sphere." 
 
 It is this something, which stirs our spirits, as we wander 
 amidst nature's lovely haunts. In the dark grove, where 
 
 6 
 
62 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 cool waters flow, on gentle knolls where we rest at even, 
 and watch, as the beams of day are fading, till the gold 
 melts away to the rose, and with a blushing beauty die 
 upon the sky, — in such shaded spots, and silent hours, the 
 spirit, even in its deep gladness, sighs that therejs still a 
 void within which nothing here can fill. But in that purer, 
 brighter world which revelation opens to our view, the full 
 tide of joy may ever swell and know no check. There, 
 no sad remembrance shall mar our peace, no sorrow cast 
 its leaden weight on our spirits, as we drink in the glorious 
 beauty of this vast universe." 
 
 To C. C. with Longfellow's Psalm of Life, and other pieces. 
 
 *' Sept. 1840. It may be, mj^ dear C, that these lines 
 which to me have such fascination, are not of the kind 
 which you like ; and yet 1 thought that the spiritual beauty 
 which characterises the whole, could not but fill and en- 
 rapture the soul, with you as with me. There is about the 
 Psalm of Life, so much of inspiration, that one feels after 
 reading it, ready ' to suffer and be strong,' in any path 
 through this life. What a mysterious thing it is to exist, 
 to have a being in the universe. Sometimes the thought 
 comes with overwhelming power, that I am existing, and 
 shall exist fu?' ever ; and that my smallest actions, slightest 
 thoughts, have some connection with the world, the uni- 
 verse around. Dear C, may each thought, each act of 
 ours, bring us nearer to that perfection for which we are 
 aiming, — or as Longfellow says, may we 
 
 « Learn to act, that each to-morrow, 
 Find us farther than to-day.' " 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENXEP. 63 
 
 To C. C. 
 
 Hartford, Dec. 15, 1810. 
 '* Many thoughts have been suggested to my mind by 
 your note, dear C, which I have longed to sit down and 
 give to you. INot that they are important as mine, but 
 because I know you will S3'mpathise with me in all that 
 concerns my preparation for the unknown and untried 
 future. Dear C, I feel that for one, I am too apt to forget 
 it. How much must be done, before these natures of ours 
 can become fit for the society of the pure and holy of 
 heaven. It is thoughts like these, that make me feel I 
 have been dreaming. How do all the beautiful creations 
 of a poet's fancy, all the speculations of a philosopher, 
 appear, when compared with the work which God has 
 given us to do. Help me, my dear friend, to keep my eye 
 steadily fixed upon this work. ' So teach us to number 
 our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom,' 
 is a petition v/e need daily to offer. Let us pray for each 
 other, that our characters may be formed after the true 
 Christian model, and so we be prepared for our eternal 
 home. 
 
 What lovely evenings we have had lately. There is 
 something in a winter's sunset, peculiarly tranquilizing. A 
 holy calm seems to veil the earth, when the evening star 
 looks down Vso still and saint-like.' If 1 could have only 
 one hour in a day to myself, it should be just as the sun- 
 light fades, and while the evening star lingers above the 
 horizon. What lessons of peace and truth does it read us; 
 how it seems to point away from this narrow earth, to 
 regions of perfect holiness and love. Do not those gentle 
 beams give promise of a purer life beyond the grave ? It 
 is not my style to weep often, but the solemn teachings of 
 
64 ^niS. MARY E. VAN U 
 
 ENNI 
 
 the evening star, have power ' in sudden gushes the tears 
 to bring,' yet not such tears as music calls forth, ' which 
 refresh not and still must fall.' But we must talk together 
 again of music." 
 
 To M., on hearing that she had returned to the home of her youth, 
 in widowhood, only six months after she had left it. 
 
 Hartford, Dec. 19, 1840. 
 
 " We have often, my dear Marion, in days gone by, 
 mingled our hearts together, both in joy and sorrow, and 
 you know not now hov/ earnestly I long to annihilate the 
 distance between us, that I may expre.ss to you, what it is 
 not possible to put on paper, the deep sympathy we all feel 
 in the affliction which our Heavenly Father has seen fit to 
 send you. How little we thought of the future ! This life 
 of ours would indeed be a mystery, were it not for the cheer- 
 ing light which revelation throws upon it ; and our spirits 
 would sink beneath the load of afflictions which weigh 
 them down, were it not for the support which the gospel 
 of Christ affords. There we can find rest for the aching 
 heart. 
 
 Marion, the sad lessons of life have been early taught 
 us, and we have found that ' the change which must come 
 over the spirit of our dreams,' exists not merely in a poet's 
 fancy* Yet, is it not well ? Do we not need the lesson ? 
 If we might always have our friends with us here, and if 
 our intercourse were not embittered by some trial ; should 
 we not make of them idols, and twine about them our heart's 
 best affections ? 
 
 I feel, my dear sister, that it is but poor sympathy I can 
 give, and it is with fear I am writing, lest I touch the 
 broken harp strings with too rude a hand. There is One, 
 and 1 love to think that, to that One, my dear friend, in her 
 days of happiness, was no stranger, who, while he wounds, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 65 
 
 can heal. Is it not strange that we should need affliction 
 to draw our hearts to this, our best friend ? 
 
 When I wrote to you, dear M., of the afflictions with 
 which many families here have been visited, it seemed 
 almost wrong for me to intrude such sad tales upon your 
 bridal days. How little I thought that a few short months 
 would have rendered you familiar with other than joyous 
 scenes. Will you not write to me, and permit me to sym- 
 pathise with you. ' We have been friends together,' and 
 shall we not in sorrow as well as in joy, mingle our hearts ? 
 Speak to me of your comforts in this your affliction, that 
 when I taste the cup of sorrow, which sooner or later must 
 be tasted by all of us, I too may know how to be sup- 
 ported. 
 
 You have still a blessing in your dear precious parents. 
 Bui I very well know that it is not in the power of any 
 earthly friend to take the place of a lost one. And why 
 should we wish this ? Our lost friends, who sleep in 
 Jesus, will one day be all restored. They may, even now, 
 be around our path, as guardian angels, blessing us by their 
 silent presence, and shedding, though unseen, a sweet and 
 heavenly influence around us. And will they not welcome 
 us to heaven ? 
 
 How little do the sufferings of this life appear, in com- 
 parison with the eternal weight of glory which will follow 
 this short season of trial. That ' eternal weight of glory !' 
 Our feeble, imperfect minds, cannot comprehend it. But 
 God, our Father,' w^ill prepare us for it. Shall we not, 
 therefore, submit cheerfully to the discipline of His hand, 
 and feel, 
 
 * That by the light and shade, through which our pathway lies, 
 By the beauty and the grief alike, we're training for the skies.' 
 
 Your name is often mentioned here with affectionate 
 6* 
 
66 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 interest. We remember the young, lively M., who left us 
 so full of health and happiness. And you remember us in 
 our school girl days, full of hopes and pleasures. Two 
 years have not passed so lightly over us, but that the sober 
 lines of life have checked ours in some degree. In the 
 varied scenes of coming years, may we find our characters 
 becoming moulded into the image of our blessed Saviour, 
 and whether we pass through happiness or adversit}^, may 
 we be advancing towards heaven. 
 
 Dear Marion, you have one more tie to endear that heav- 
 enly home to you ; and the ties there will continue to 
 strengthen, as one by one, those of earth become severed. 
 Sabbath evening. I have just returned, my dear M., 
 from a service in our lecture room. I wish you could be 
 with us again in these meetings. They remind me of the 
 last winter you spent here, when so many of our friends 
 became Christians. M. S. wears like gold, and M. B., 
 who became interested in the subject of religion last sum- 
 mer, has joined our little Thursday prayer meeting, and 
 will unite with the church, at the next communion. It is 
 delightful to see one and another of my friends choosing the 
 path to heaven. Would that we might all, like a band of 
 
 sisters, pursue it together ! Our dear , lovely and 
 
 beloved, and satisfied with the blessings which are show- 
 ered around her way, has still to choose that happiness, 
 which alone is enduring. I know she is remembered in 
 your prayers. Let us, dear M., pray continually for this 
 dear friend, lest she perish, and the guilt be ours." 
 
 To C. C. 
 
 Hartford, Dec. 31, 1840. 
 Ten o'clock. Two hours more, the old year's death knell. 
 " It were much more fitting for you, my dear C, to 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 67 
 
 write me a new year's letter, * naitheless,' I will not let the 
 evening pass, without thanking you for your kind, refresh- 
 ing note, which tiame to me on a weary morning, like a 
 spring to one in a desert land. 
 
 I am in but a poor mood for writing, for my heart seems 
 dying with the poor old year. The day has been cloudy 
 and dark (as you know) but the stars are lighting now the 
 old year from this world of faithlessness and sin, and a 
 clearer sky than we have had for many a day, gives prom- 
 ise of a brighter to-morrow. But I have thought my spirit 
 out, I do believe, for I cannot care for either old year or 
 new. While I am writing, some lingering remains of 
 memory remind me of a thrilling picture in ' Illustrations of 
 the Song of the Bell,' by the same hand that etched that 
 fearful one, we saw at Mr. D's. Perhaps I spoke to you 
 of it; it was of the hours coming in, in one long proces- 
 sion from eternity, and receiving their portion either of 
 good or ill to dispense, as they passed through time. What 
 will the hours of this coming year bring us ! 
 
 Dear C, the foundations of my soul, seem all breaking 
 away. I never felt so entirely adrift in the universe, with- 
 out compass or anchor, as I do at present. All that I 
 thought firmly fixed in my heart is gone, and I shrink from 
 the year, as bringing only new helplessness at a time when 
 I need all my energies. Forgive me, my dear friend, for 
 troubling you with these things. A letter on the eve of 
 another great period which marks off the time of frail, per- 
 ishing mortals, should be full of hope — .of encouragement; 
 and forgetting the past, should look towards the glorious 
 future— the coming existence, when the strife with evil 
 shall have ended. But thus I am little able to write now. 
 The few longings I have ever had for the strife, seem all 
 quenched. If I thought this state of mind was to last, I 
 should be miserable. Perhaps I have fallen into some 
 
68 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 * slough of despond,' but if so, it must be a very different 
 one from Christian's, for there appears no helpmg hand. 
 I am not jesting, my dear C, neither am 1 indulging my- 
 self in a melancholy dream; but a conviction of what 1 
 am, and my utter inability to be any better, has so weighed 
 upon me lately, as to drive almost every thing else from 
 my mind. Do you know what 1 can do ? If you have 
 any talisman to still the unquiet beatings of my heart, send 
 it to me I pray you. 
 
 Why am I so selfish as to write thus to you ? I am sure 
 I did not sit down to the unmerciful task of making you 
 acquainted with my utter destitution, but it was with the 
 laudable intention of wishing you a ' happy new year,' — 
 happy in the consciousness of a daily increase in all that is 
 worthy of an immortal and redeemed soul. O, my friend, 
 press on in that glorious path with renewed ardor. Our 
 Saviour has marked the way, and will ever be near, to 
 guide, and strengthen, and to bring you safe to the hills 
 of light. I dare not think of those everlasting hills. It 
 blinds my eyes with tears ; for the long, weary path, full 
 of difficulties, snares, temptations, corruptions, comes into 
 my view, and fills me with gloomy forebodings. It does 
 not seem as though 1 can ever get over them. Evil habits 
 so fixed in the deepest recesses of the heart — love of the 
 world, with its poor perishing trifles, dragging the spirit 
 down to earth. Will they drag it down forever? Can no 
 one break the strong fetters ? But this does not sound very 
 much like the words of a believer in all the promises so 
 glorious and precious, written on every page of God's holy 
 word. The very fact that I am a believer in them, makes 
 me still sadder,, for if I believed rightly, 1 should have no 
 more discouragements. 
 
 Well, perhaps 1 shall feel differently when to-morrow's 
 light brings a young glad year, and the children in their 
 
IVIRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 69 
 
 careless glee, little recking of the future, shall come with 
 their joyous greetings, and the world shall go on just as 
 before, whirling and bustling, and our hearts, sorrowing, 
 toiling, rejoicing till the last year comes, and the strife is 
 ended, the drama closed. ' There remaineth therefore a 
 rest to the people of God.' Oh, for an entrance into that 
 rest. I do not feel like giving up yet. There is a Saviour 
 to guide us there. And when the old year is dead, and 
 the bell has tolled its parting ; when the new year comes 
 with its life and hope, let us, my dear C, rise, not in r 
 gloom, not in despondency, but in the calm and fixed re- ^ 
 solve, to go on in the strife, even to the end ; to ' learn to 
 labor and to wait,'- — ' to suffer and be strong,' — ' to endure 
 unto the end,' — looking to our glorious and risen Saviour, 
 and to the bright company already redeemed, and who 
 circle the throne in their spotless robes. - 
 
 Dear C, I long to sit by you, to take your hand in mine, 
 and talk of our duties, our labors and trials. There is a 
 rest from sin at the end of all these. • • Mother comes 
 to me very beseechingly, to close my letter, it is so late. 
 But she tells me just to put in her love — so here it is, with 
 mine also, and many a wish for your happiness the coming 
 year." 
 
 To a friend in New Haven. 
 
 Hartford, Jan. 18, 1841. 
 *' My dear J. How I wish you had been with me this 
 evening, in our solemn services, hearing Mr. K. discourse 
 from ' When he maketh inquisition for blood, he remem- 
 bereth them.' As I cast my eye over the audience, and 
 saw the young, the lovely, the gay, the intelligent, and 
 thought how in probability the souls of some, even of those 
 whose hearts were tender, would sink into eternal misery, 
 it seemed to me we were all asleep, to think so calmly 
 
70 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 about it. To be eternally lost ! Oh, what is it ! Lost 
 too when we mio;ht be saved ! Do not such thoughts 
 come at times with an almost overwhelming weight ? And 
 can we believe them, and j^et do so little — scarcely warn 
 our friends of danger ? 
 
 I had a horrid dream last night. It has haunted me all 
 da}''. Shall I tell it ? I dreamed (it almost paralizes my 
 
 heart to write it,) that 's day of probation was over, 
 
 and she eternally lost ; fixed forever in the land«of despair, 
 without one gleam of hope ; severed from all that she loved, 
 and condemned to dwell with the spirits of darkness and 
 woe ; — and all this when I might have prevented it. 
 Through all the long night I wandered from place to place 
 with my wretched heart, and the image of my friend eter- 
 nally lost through my influence — and in bitterness of soul, 
 1 felt as if I could die too. Pray, my dear friend, for the 
 salvation of this dear girl. Must it be that she die in the 
 midst of so much light from God's word, and with the 
 hopes of the gospel spread out so plainly to her view ? 
 What are we about to let our friends go on, day after day, 
 with no warning voice to wake them from the sleep of sin } 
 Has not God promised to answer prayer ? Oh, yes, our 
 poor feeble prayers ! and I have evidence, blessed be his 
 holy name, that the prayers of some one are answered in 
 her behalf; it may be mine, it may be yours ; but no mat- 
 ter, dt-ar is not entirely careless; she does think ; 
 
 she can feel, and by the blessing of God she may be saved. 
 My dear J., could we together supplicate God's spirit to 
 strive with her heart, and never to leave her until her 
 heart is given to Christ, how I should rejoice. But this 
 cannot be. Each in our own chamber, and alone with our 
 God, must pray for the salvation of this dear friend. Will 
 you, dear J., every night at the twilight hour, join me in 
 prayer for this blessing ?" 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 71 
 
 To M. D. 
 
 Hartford, Feb. 15, 1S41. 
 
 " My dear M. Your precious letter has filled my heart 
 wilh gratitude to our Heavenly Father, for giving you in 
 your affliction, such a sweet spirit of resignation to his 
 holy will. Yes, my dear friend, he is an Almighty com- 
 forter, and it is sweet to lie in his hands, and to feel the 
 everlasting arms beneath the sinking soul. Continue, dear 
 M., to trust and love him as you now do, and you will 
 reap the reward of patient waiting on him. Think of the 
 promises in his word. How full of love ! A balm for all 
 our woes. O, take them home to your heart. Our Father's 
 chastening hand is upon you, dearest, but we rejoice that 
 you can feel it is in love ; and though now it is very dark 
 to you, one day you will be able to rejoice in view of the 
 wisdom and goodness of this trying dispensation. On those 
 hills of light, where all tears are wiped away, where no 
 sin nor sorrow ever come, there we shall look back on our 
 pilgrimage through this world, and shall see how necessary 
 was all the discipline through which w^e passed. 
 
 Yet we may weep ; for religion does not seal the heart, 
 and forbid us to mourn over our buried joys ; but while we 
 mourn, it teaches us to do this, ' not as those who have no 
 hope.' ' The sorrow of the world worketh death ;' but 
 the religion of Christ teaches us to look beyond the grave, 
 to that glorious world, where having been made ' perfect 
 through suffering,' we shall find our rest. 
 
 M., how dream-like appears the time when you was 
 here with us. Do you remember the various talks we had 
 of the future ? How we whispered our thoughts to each 
 other about this busy, and then bright world ? We were 
 novices then in the art of happiness, and worse than novi- 
 ces in our anticipations of it — at least so far as we expected 
 to find it here. Though we warned each other about trust- 
 
72 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ing the dazzle of this earth, though we told how others 
 had found it unsatisfying, there was, after all, a secret feel- 
 ing — ' well, if they were disappointed, we may not be,' — 
 and our dreanns appeared so rational, we thought we could 
 not be. But, my friend, you are reciHsing now the truth 
 that this is a state of trial, not our home, our portion. And 
 is it not best to be taught this early in life, that our affeC" 
 lions may be set on heaven ? In that world, we shall look 
 with very different feelings upon our earthly joys and sor- 
 rows, from what we do here. How much we need trust 
 in God. There is no state in which we do not need his 
 guidance. God, our Saviour, is our life. Oh yes, our lifcn 
 * Our life is hid with Christ in God.' 
 
 March 1. I have been delaying thus, dear M., hoping 
 to have an opportunity to converse with father on the sub- 
 ject to which you alluded in your letter. 1 think he will 
 write you when his duties become less pressing ; but at 
 present he is fully occupied. There is a delightful work 
 going on in our city, of which I have been longing to tell 
 you; for many you knew and loved are hoping in Christ. 
 It is nearly two months since the commencement of the 
 revival, which has been mostly among the young people. 
 The way had sometime been preparing for this, when Mr. 
 K. came and spent one month here, preaching every after- 
 noon to professors of religion, and in the evening to others, 
 particularly to those who were not Christians. 
 
 The remembrance of those seasons is like a green spot 
 in this desert world. We came forth from our dark places, 
 and stood in the light of the sun of righteousness ; we cast 
 off our garments of mourning, and put on the garments of 
 praise, and already the glory from the celestial city seemed 
 beaming down upon us. It seems to us now, as though we 
 can never go back to the troubled streams of this world, 
 having tasted of the streams which flow from the throne of 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 73 
 
 God and the Lamb. But, dear M., I know not how to tell 
 you half. Many are changed — and more than all, and I 
 have been keeping this to tell you last, our own dear 
 
 * my heart is very full — what shall I say ! She 
 
 has joined our little prayer meeting, and our intercourse 
 now is so delightful, it seems like heaven begun on earth. 
 It is some time since she became interested. Before the 
 revival she had begun to feel that this world could not sat- 
 isfy the wants of her immortal soul. With all her enjoy- 
 ments, there was still an ' aching void.' She has had 
 many perplexities and discouragements, since she began 
 to think seriously upon the subject, but our Heavenly 
 Father has been leading her along very gently, and bring- 
 ing her into the right way. Let us rejoice together in this. 
 Cannot you, my dear sister, even in your affliction, thank 
 God that one more dear one is added to that band who are 
 ever to live and praise God around his throne : Some of 
 our beloved ones are already there ; and we are waiting 
 here, in this our pilgrimage, for our Saviour to call us. He 
 will come in his own good time. ' And them also that 
 sleep in Jesus, will God bring with him.' This verse, M., 
 looks very much as though we shall not only know our 
 departed friends, but that it will also be an addition to our 
 happiness, to have them with us. Does not this seem to 
 intimate that we shall still love and be interested in those 
 whom we knew and loved on the earth, more than those, 
 with whom we are to begin an acquaintance ? Nor will 
 this at all interfere with our loving everyone. It does not 
 to my mind, seem requisite to the perfect bliss of heaven, 
 that we should have equal love to all. 1 have had a little 
 conversation with father on the subject, and he said that 
 ' there was nothing which could lead us to think that friend- 
 
 * The young friend about whom she had the dream. 
 7 
 
74 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ships begun on earth, and founded in pure motives, might not 
 be continued and increased in heaven.' 1 have thought 
 much on the subject, dear M., and have heard various 
 opinions about it, some of which have made me unhappy ; 
 and I have come to the conclusion to leave the matter with 
 God. He can fill our largest desires. We are in his hands. 
 Our dear departed friends are with him at rest. Let us 
 see to it, that we are prepared for that rest which remain- 
 eth for the people of God. This is the great filings after 
 all, that we have a part in the great salvation. Then our 
 cup of happiness will be full in the other world, even though 
 we may not here, know the way in which God will fill it. 
 I long to see you once again, dear sister of my heart, to 
 mourn with you, and to look with you to heaven where 
 Jesus is, and where we may be, if we trust in him. Oh, 
 that we could love and serve him more perfectly. How 
 sweet to feel that in heaven there will be no more sin. 
 We must toil, each in our part of the vineyard, doing what 
 little we can, till we go to our rest in heaven. There we 
 shall spend an eternity together. There I shall know all 
 that you have known and loved. Let us ' comfort one 
 another with these words.' " 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 HER RELIGIOUS WRITINGS. 
 
 It is with some hesitancy on the part of friends, that the 
 following extracts are permitted to occupy a place in this 
 volume. They were written exclusively for the benefit of 
 the individual who penned them, and are a record of her 
 views and feelings on the subject of religion, with notices 
 of such facts and events as interested her at the time, to- 
 gether with the effect which these had on her religious 
 character. They are selected from a journal which she 
 commenced in January, 1841, and closed in June, 1843, 
 just before leaving home for her residence in the East. 
 
 There are those to whom it appears to be a species of 
 sacrilege to expose to the scrutiny of others the private 
 religious exercises of an individual. It will be seen that 
 the manuscript from which these extracts are made, is not 
 exclusively of this character. If it were, this would not 
 constitute the only ground of hesitancy. A difficulty is 
 felt in making from the mass such selections as shall ex- 
 hibit her character in its true light. The objections against 
 keeping a record of the daily religious exercises of the 
 heart, or rather against exposing this record to the scrutiny 
 of others after the death of the individual who kept it, 
 might, it is thought, be made against any thing which 
 
76 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 should cause the light of the Christian to shine before men 
 in this dark world. To make such a record useful to others, 
 it is indispensable that it accord with the traits of Christian 
 experience delineated in the New Testament ; and also that 
 there be nothing in the life strikingly at variance with such 
 a record. 
 
 Mary is known to have carried her religion into every 
 thing. Her Christian experience was not suffered to lie" 
 dormant within, an inoperative principle, confined to her- 
 self and useless to others ; but it was as a perennial spring, 
 overflowing in its fullness, and fertilizing all around. 
 From the moment, when in her joy at having " found God," 
 she exclaimed "I am happy," it was her constant, uni- 
 form, and untiring effort, to lead others to a participation 
 in the same happiness with herself. 
 
 Her religion also was the religion of the Bible. Its 
 sterner doctrines as well as its milder precepts, were allowed 
 to have their full influence over her. She took it and not 
 the maxims of the world for her guide. It was a '* lamp 
 to her feet and a light to her path," and by it she has no 
 doubt been led to find her home in heaven. But like all 
 other Christians she was but imperfectly sanctified, and 
 many and severe were her inward struggles, in her at- 
 tempts to lead a consistent Christian life. 
 
 She had a buoyancy of spirit and depth of sympathy 
 which extended to every living thing, and those traits, 
 with others of a kindred nature, fitted her to enjoy life in a 
 high degree. But while they made her more interesting 
 as a friend and more useful as a Christian, they at the 
 same time constituted the principal sources of her trial ; 
 and it was through these mainly, that the discipline came, 
 which fitted her so well for usefulness in life, and for a 
 participation in the joys of the redeemed. 
 
 As she never separated religion from the active duties 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 77 
 
 and daily enjoyments of life, so in her private journal she 
 has not disconnected these, but while it contains a faithful 
 record of her religious views and feelings, it gives them in 
 connection with the objects and events by which she was 
 influenced in her intercourse with the world around her. 
 
 But before making extracts from the journal, it may not 
 be inappropriate to take a brief notice of her earlier reli- 
 gious writings. How early she commenced the practice 
 of committing things to writing for a religious use, is not 
 certainly known ; but it was before she felt competent to 
 originate thoughts for this purpose herself, and she there- 
 fore made use of the suggestions of others. The selec- 
 tions were her own, and they show a discrimination which 
 is rather unusual in one so young as she was when they 
 were made. 
 
 At the commencement of a manuscript which was found 
 after her death, amongst several others of a similar charac- 
 ter, is this sentence. " I must remember every day Hive 
 that 1 have a God to glorify — a soul to save." 
 
 In the same trembling and unformed hand, were copied 
 with slight alterations, several resolutions of President 
 Edwards. On reading these the first time they met the 
 eye after her death, they seemed to be an epitome of her 
 life, and on this account they are copied here. 
 
 1. Resolved never to lose one moment of time, but 
 spend it in the most profitable way I can. 
 
 2. Resolved never to do any thing I should be afraid to 
 do were it the last hour of my life. 
 
 3. Resolved to think much on all occasions of my dying. 
 
 4. Resolved to find out fit objects of my charity. 
 6. Resolved never to do any thing out of revenge. 
 
 6. Resolved that I will so live as I shall wish I had 
 done when I come to die. 
 
 7* 
 
78 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 7. Resolved to maintain strict temperance in eating and 
 drinking. 
 
 8. Resolved never to do any thing which if I should see 
 in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him 
 for, or to think any vray the more meanly of him. 
 
 9. Resolved whenever I do an evil action, to trace it 
 back till I come to the original cause, and then carefully 
 endeavor to do so no more. 
 
 10. Resolved to study the Scriptures so constantly and 
 frequently that I may plainly perceive myself to grow in 
 the knowledge of the same. 
 
 11. Resolved never to speak in narrations any thing but 
 the pure and simple truth. 
 
 12. Resolved to strive to my utmost every week to be 
 brought higher in religion than I was the week before. 
 
 13. Resolved never to speak evil of any person except 
 some particular good call for it. 
 
 14. Resolved never to give over, or in the least to slack- 
 en my fight against my corruptions, however unsuccessful 
 I may be. 
 
 The foregoing selections are without date, as indeed is 
 the manuscript from which they were taken, but the hand 
 and other circumstances show them to have been written 
 somewhere near the time when she was ten years old. 
 The manuscript appears to have been filled up very slowly 
 and a considerable improvement is seen in the hand wri- 
 ting and in the Christian character also as it goes on, or 
 rather there is a more full development of character both 
 intellectual and moral : but it was not until she was thir- 
 teen years old, that she began to date what she wrote. 
 Her first date, in connection with the fact recorded with 
 it, marks a somewhat interesting transaction. ' On the last 
 page of the manuscript alluded to, in a fair open hand, and 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 standing out prominently so as to prevent the possibility of 
 its escaping the eye of her who penned it, is the following 
 pledge. 
 
 " Oct. 19, 1834. 1 promised that I w^ould read with 
 Miss Chester, my Sunday School Teacher, a chapter every 
 day, beginning at the 7th chapter of Matthew. 
 
 Mary E. Hawes." 
 
 This promise she doubtless kept for several years, as she 
 often alluded to passages which she was reading in con- 
 nection with her teacher, and as she had a similar exercise 
 with her own pupils after she became a teacher herself. 
 
 As will be seen, she was in the habit of reviewing the 
 year which had just closed, on each successive birth day. 
 She also did the same at New Years ; and before each 
 communion season she kept a day of fasting and self ex- 
 amination preparatory to coming to that holy ordinance. 
 
 The first extract will be made from a review on the day 
 she was twenty years old. 
 
 1841. April 16th. My birth day ! This beautiful, 
 sunny spring day makes me twenty years old. Oh, how 
 many are the thoughts which have passed through my 
 mind to-day ! The past has been here, and I have stretch- 
 ed my eye to the dim future, as I seem to stand on a 
 mountain in my life, and look back on sunny, lovely child- 
 hood, and on my youthful days, half sun, half shade. Oh, 
 how many quiet birth days have 1 spent in my much 
 loved home. 
 
 Blessings have been strew^ed thick around my path ; 
 ever streived around ! Dear, dear home ! Friends, much 
 loved parents, religious influences of the purest and holiest 
 kind ! ISew England is my birth place. Here, in the 
 Pilgrim's land, I have ever lived. I do thank Thee, O, 
 my Father, for these thrice blessed privileges. 
 
 There is no pageantry nor royal state around my path. 
 
80 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 There is nothing which the world calls noble or great in 
 this peaceful home ; but there is what is infinitely dearer 
 to me, the influence of piety to draw me to the skies; to 
 point me away from this poor fading world, to mansions 
 in Heaven for those who love Christ and His cause. I 
 know I am thankful for this, and thankful that so few of 
 earth's temptations are around my way, for O, 1 have a 
 weak heart, and should have been utterly ruined, had my 
 lot been differently cast. 
 
 The past year has been very eventful ; the most so of 
 my life. I dare not look forward to what another year 
 may bring. I will trust him who has so far guided my 
 steps. I will place my hand and heart in His care. Why 
 should I fear ? Oh yes, the past year has been very 
 eventful indeed. 1 h^ve had many more thoughts than 
 ever before on every subject, but particularly on religion. 
 And I can humbly say, 1 do think that this birth day finds 
 me farther on my course than the last. There is so much 
 sin in my heart that 1 wonder at myself for allowing that I 
 have any hope, but when I look back at the past year, 
 and watch the workings of my own mind, there does seem 
 to me a great change in my feelings. My views of duty 
 are clearer, and my love of duty stronger. Jesus is my 
 hope and trust, and I think that religion is my daily com- 
 panion. 
 
 I have hadmrtwy thoughts on religious subjects — all the 
 time have been agitating some question of dut}', or watch- 
 ing some sin which has crept into my heart and wound itself 
 tightly around my life ; and 1 have had days of mourning 
 because I could not be free from it. I think I have had 
 much religious enjoyment. It seems as though light has 
 been gradually let into my mind, and did I not painfully feel 
 the deceitfulness of the heart, should feel willing to say that 
 an advance does seem to have been made in my views of 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. Ql 
 
 every thing connected with God, and the Saviour and His 
 cause. 
 
 About commencement time, I went to New Haven, 
 and though I passed through many dissipating scenes, 
 I had all the time such a fear of losing myself in them, and 
 of giving way to nay worldly feelings, that it did not injure 
 me as much as I feared it would. The week after my re- 
 turn home I count among my most delightful weeks. I 
 had much time alone, and thought I profited by it. From 
 that time my heart was turned more to Christ. 
 
 One night during the autumn I remember returning 
 from a party, where the evening had been closed with 
 singing and prayer, and as I laid my head on the pillow, I 
 felt happy. It was the only party I ever returned from 
 feeling better than when I went, and there was nothing of 
 the feverish excitement I had at other times. It does re- 
 quire a great share of grace to attend parties and keep 
 piety warm in the heart. 
 
 The latter part of December I had many perplexities. 
 I then passed through a trying season. My wicked heart 
 rose up within me and there seemed no comfort any where. 
 I felt as though I had no right to call myself a Christian, 
 and I went to work as if I were not one. The fast on the 
 2d of New Year set me on a little better footing. I thought 
 that my star of hope was beginning to rise, and though the 
 clouds have come over often since, it does seem to grow 
 brighter. My tract district afforded opportunities for do- 
 ing good, and when the revival commenced I did welcome 
 it with an open heart. Since then I have passed many 
 pleasant hours. Mr. K's sermons to Christians I think I 
 derived much good from. My dear can sympa- 
 thize with me now on religious subjects ; and my inter- 
 course with all my dear friends is such as to raise my 
 grovelling heart above this world's delusive excitements. 
 
g2 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 It was during the midst of the revival that I was called 
 upon to consider a deeply interesting subject, which ever 
 since has absorbed my attention, and agitated me with a 
 thousand hopes and fears. I can trust all in the hands of 
 a merciful Saviour, who has thus far guided me, though in 
 a way I knew not. When I look back on the events of 
 my past life, how plainly can I see the hand of God in 
 every thing! He, who has guided me, will still guide, 
 and strengthen me to give up all for Him. 1 know that as 
 thy day, so shall thy strength be, is a sure promise, and 
 yesterday, while looking round on my home, and my heart 
 was ready to burst at what would probably come in the 
 course of events, and while thinking of my precious friends, 
 and many, many blessings, I could lay all in my Saviour's 
 hand, and let Him dispose of them as He pleases. I do 
 say, '- not my will, but thine, O God, be done." And 
 while I yield up all to Him, my only desire is to become 
 wholly His, and be free from sin. 
 
 To C. C. 
 
 Hartford, April 16th, 1841. 
 
 ** I have been hoping all day, dear C , to find time to 
 write, and think I have fairly secured one half hour at 
 least, for a little talk with you. 
 
 You do not know this is my birth-day. Twenty years of 
 my life have passed — happily, very happily — oh, I dare not 
 look forward. To-day, my thoughts have been half shaded 
 by the uncertain future, and while I have counted over the 
 many happy birth-days which have come and gone, in this 
 my much loved home, I shrink from what the return of 
 this day may bring me. Twenty years ! Oh, C, you too 
 have passed them. Can it be that we have bidden adieu 
 to sunny childhood, and are already surrounded with the 
 bewilderment, and bustle, and whirl of life } Yes, we 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LEJNNEP. 83 
 
 must be borne on by its billows, till death lands us in a 
 world of real existence. I was much interested recently 
 in a sermon of Dr. Cox's, in which he said that here we 
 did not live, we only half existed ; the other world was to 
 be the scene of our true and perfect existence. The truth 
 of this comes home to my heart every day I live. I 
 never gaze on this earth, lovely and winning as it is, I 
 never listen to the melodies of music, without feeling what 
 is nearly akin to it, the want of perfection here. We have 
 each of us, dear C, though in different ways, been led to 
 look to another life, for the development of our being, and 
 happy will it be for us, if these early lessons remain as a 
 talisman to guard us against the many syren voices of this 
 world. O, never, amidst the excitement of life, may we 
 lose the thought of our hioher existence. 
 
 When passing, an hour since, by an open window 
 through which the south wind blew very fresh, I fancied 
 it bore the fragrance of spring blossoms, and for a moment 
 May, with all its lovely verdure and opening buds, passed 
 before me ; and the vision brought many thoughts of last 
 year. I must live to-day in the past, for I seem standing 
 on one of the mountains of my life, and sunny days of 
 infancy are far behind me, with the half cloud, half sun- 
 shine period of youth still nearer, from which J have just 
 emerged ; and now, sober and even solemn seems the hue 
 of my coming being. There are some things in my life, 
 which make me look upon it with very different feelings 
 from what I regarded it, when gazing a few years since, in 
 all the buoyancy of youthful gladness, on coming sunny 
 days, in which even the clouds should be of brilliant hues. 
 I do feel, my dear friend, that this life is a deeply solemn 
 concern. 'T is not a merely checkered day, now sun, now 
 shade, but viewed in the light of eternity, it is a period 
 awfully solemn, upon which depend consequences of the 
 
g4 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 deepest moment. O, how could we ever dream^ my friend ? 
 How could we linger mid the fairy lands of earthly fasci- 
 nation, and waste so much of our precious time in beauti- 
 ful reveries, and entrancing theories, while the preparation 
 for a world of realities was almost neglected ? Let us 
 thank God, if indeed we are awakened, and begin with 
 hearts strong in the strength of our Saviour, to press on- 
 ward in our way to the portals of eternal life. 
 
 In our little circle are some mourners, but each of them 
 can say that the afflictions from the hand of their Heavenly 
 Father have been blessed, in drawing away their hearts 
 from this world's good, and leading them to drink at that 
 fountain where eternal life flows full and free. When we 
 see them coming to our quiet gatherings, they who, not a 
 year since, moved in the giddy mazes of the dance, and 
 knelt at the altar of this world's allurement, when their 
 voices mingle with ours in the songs of a holier world, and 
 when we kneel together round the throne of grace, we 
 cannot but send up our thanksgivings, that their trials 
 have taught them the lessons of true religion, and true 
 happiness. Oh, my friend, the blessings from our Heav- 
 enly Father's hand have tilled us with gratitude— -so many 
 that we love are now safe in the fold of Christ, travelling 
 with us to the promised land." 
 
 Journal, 
 Sabbath evening, April 18. Here in my quiet seat, I can 
 again spend a pleasant hour alone, with the beautiful blue 
 sky without, and the sunlight on the distant hills. There 
 is something so tranquilizing in such a sky that my feel- 
 ings are perfectly indescribable while I gaze upon it. Now 
 while I write, there are a few light clouds which add to 
 its beauty, and they are bright with the rays of the sun. 
 Oh, how lovely is this earth ! Eveti under the curse it is 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 85 
 
 full of beauty. But I do not count this tranquilizing feel- 
 ing as religion. Oh no. I well know that many may ex- 
 perience the same, and yet have hearts full of corruption 
 and at enmity with thai glorious Being who made all 
 things. A natural religion never would do for me. I 
 must be able to call my God a reconciled Father in Christ, 
 before I can hold any true communion with Him in His 
 works. But I do love his works, and I humbly hope that 
 I have loved them lately more because they are from his 
 hand, and that I have in some measure 
 
 " Look'd through nature np to nature's God." 
 
 I know the heart is deceitful above all things, yet it is 
 my endeavor to be free from sin in every thing, and to 
 make every thing a means of advancement in holiness. I 
 have, alas, many drawbacks. If it were not for this 
 Saviour, " who can be touched with the feeling of our in- 
 firmities," I should sink in despair. My desire is to be 
 wholly renewed. Some things I read this morning in Miss 
 Fry's '* Christ our Example," startled me very much, and 
 I only found peace by praying to the Saviour to lead me 
 in the right way. 
 
 Monday^ I'^tli. While at our devotions this morning, 
 the notes of a robin broke on the still morning air. These 
 early birds of spring, what lessons of piety they are teach- 
 ing us ! All nature smiles around. The hills sleep peace- 
 fully in the distant sunshine, and the blue vault of heaven 
 is clear and cloudless, and 1 am happy — but it is a subdued 
 happiness. I do not think I shall ever again feel the 
 light-hearted buoyancy of youth, or be free and careless 
 again. But I am happy in the thought of doing my Heav- 
 enly Father's will, and in trusting my Saviour to lead me 
 into the path of holiness, and far from those sins which 
 8 
 
86 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 make me at times so wretched. Christ strengthens me for 
 every duty. 
 
 Evening. Had a gleam of sunshine come across my 
 heart. I felt happy in obeying God, and it left a sweet 
 peace in my heart all the evening. 
 
 Tuesday. This afternoon one of my little S. S. schol- 
 ars came down, and I had a sweet talk with her about 
 prayer, and told her also about my own dear teacher, Mrs. 
 Hovey, and how we always kept the Sabbath twilight as 
 an hour of prayer. It is many a long year since she first 
 proposed our meeting at that time around our Father's 
 throne to remember each other in our petitions, and it has 
 become the most hallowed and interesting hour to me of 
 the whole week. It is a precious link to bind our hearts, 
 and more precious now that our teacher is in heaven. I 
 proposed that now, as my dear little M. was so soon to be 
 separated from me, that she should remember the hour, 
 and thus we should still be joined in heart around the 
 mercy-seat. Six months' intercourse with this dear little 
 girl, in my class, has twined our hearts closely together, 
 and I have hope that she is a child of God. 
 
 Thursday. Our cook is sick, and I have spent all the 
 mornino- in lookino; round for another, but returned without 
 having obtained one, and went into the kitchen myself. In 
 the midst of my work came a precious package from New 
 Haven — a little note with an exquisite cushion for a birth- 
 day gift, and a long letter from dear Mrs. Fitch, very, 
 very good ; but it made me cry hard, and then I prayed 
 for strength. All the day I have been looking to that 
 Saviour, who is able to keep from falling them that trust 
 in Him, and then at my own dark heart, so full of sin, so 
 drawn to this world, that I fear I shall never be able to 
 
ams. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 87 
 
 break away from its enticements, and make an unreserved 
 consecration of my all to Him. 
 
 In the afternoon was refreshed by our prayer meeting, 
 and sweet Christian intercourse. These bonds will never 
 be sundered. When separated, we can still meet around 
 our Father's throne, and know that the same eternal home 
 awaits us. 
 
 O, my Saviour, help me to dwell in the light of thy 
 countenance ; to know no will l)ut thine ; and to feel happy 
 in yielding all to thy blessed control. 
 
 Saturday^ 24:fh. 1 have just returned from the funeral so- 
 lemnities of the lamented Harrison. At an early hour, this 
 morning the sable robing of the streets commenced. Flags in 
 the harbor were at half inast, mourning wreaths were around 
 the tower of the Centre Church, and wherever we turned, 
 the appropriate signs of sorrow met our eye. They who, 
 but a month since, rejoiced in the elevation of so good a 
 man, to the presidential chair, now appeared in mourning 
 badges among their respective societies. There was 
 something deeply solemn in the sombre light cast on the 
 mourning robes of the church. The speaker's voice seemed 
 to come from a sepulchre of black. 
 
 Wednesday ^ 2Sth. This is indeed a glorious morning—^ 
 bright with sunlight, and joyous with birds. O, for a 
 heart as full of light as this clear, lovely day ! But I am 
 happier than I have been. There is a peace stealing over 
 my mind everyday. Is it of heaven ? I pray that I may 
 be searched, and that the Spirit may dwell in this dark 
 heart, and the selfishness within be scattered before its 
 gentle influence. Will not this prayer be accepted for 
 Jesus sake ^ 
 
 Went in last evening to the s'. Found the girls 
 
 preparing to go to E 's wedding. As I stood in the 
 
gS MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 room, watching the making of their toilette, the thought, 
 that for me, all these scenes were passing away, and that 
 a time would come when I should leave o//, all, filled my 
 heart with mingled emotions. The parties I regret not at 
 all; but the social intercourse will go on, friend will meet 
 friend, and the ocean will roll between me and my own 
 home. Yet I was peaceful, and had many sweet thoughts 
 alone, after my return home. A power not my own, kept 
 wrong feelings from arising in my heart." 
 
 ** Friday J 30th, To-day has been, I hope, profitable to 
 me. I have spent it as a day of fasting and examination of 
 heart, before coming to the table of the Lord. I have been 
 looking over the past two months, and think I have been 
 gaining strength and a little light, since the last sacrament. 
 Comparing my feelings with what they then were, I cer- 
 tainly do see an advance. At that time, I felt great trust and 
 confidence in my Saviour; I felt happy also that he was 
 so fitted to be a Saviour to all who put their trust in him. 
 But in thinking of God, I felt almost afraid to think of his 
 sympathizing with us. He seemed so vast, and glorious. 
 My viev/s of him then, were very indistinct. But they 
 have for some time been expanding ; and now^ the thought 
 that this great Being is my reconciled Father in Christ, is 
 delightful, and the thought of doing his will entirely, is, I 
 humbly hope, the happiness of my life. If I am not de- 
 ceived,! do turn away from every earthly thing, and make 
 the will of my Father my chief joy ; and I humbly trust 
 that I could be happy in it, though all my earthly sources 
 were taken away. 
 
 Last night, while here by my window, I had such sweet 
 thoughts, that I felt constrained to say to myself, 'yes, I 
 am a Christian ;' and it made the tears come very fast, to 
 think with any certainty, this may he true ; for all my life 
 long I have feared to admit any degree of hope to my souL 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 89 
 
 But I do think I love God my Father, and Jesus my Sav- 
 iour, and I do open my heart to the influences of the Spirit. 
 It does seem to me that this hope is gaining strength. 
 
 I am sure I love God, and do really wish to do his will 
 in every thing, and do approve the gospel plan of salvation, 
 and feel earnestly desirous that every selfish and sinful 
 feeling may be taken away, and that every one may know 
 and love and obey God. 
 
 My views too have changed in regard to enjoying nature, 
 and the various gifts around me. I do not have that same 
 unsatisfied feeling while gazing on the lovely earth. My 
 soul seems to rest in the thought that my Father forms 
 every beauty ; and I do not look around with that painful 
 desire I once felt, to have something fill a void which I 
 knew was in my heart, while I enjoy nature more and 
 more every day." 
 
 " Sabbath morning, May 2d. This holy, blessed morn- 
 ingshines with sweet lighton every thing within and around. 
 I have enjoyed a quiet hour in meditation on my Father's 
 goodness, and on the blessedness of his service, and of trust- 
 ing him. The birds are praising God, and my heart feels 
 like bursting forth in songs of joy. O, this lovely world, 
 what would it be if the smile of God rested on all hearts. 
 
 This beautiful morning, dear is to profess her love 
 
 to Christ, and many dear companions are coming forward 
 to take the vows of God upon them. How good is our 
 Saviour I Should the clouds come over the natural earth, 
 as in these changing days they do so often, yet will the 
 sun of righteousness remain to cheer our hearts." 
 
90 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 To hev friend, M. S. 
 
 Sabbath Morning, May 2d. 
 ^'My dear M. I could not think of coming to Sabbath 
 School, without bringing you a little note. How lovely 
 every thing is — full of the beams of divine love — and what 
 gushings of melody come in the songs of the happy birds ! 
 Do they not find responses in our hearts, my friend ? Never 
 did I feel my heart leap in joy as it does this morning. 0, 
 M., is it not delightful to live in the service of so good a 
 being as our reconciled Father in Christ ? Is it not good 
 to yield all to his blessed control, and know no will but 
 his ? Surely there is more blessedness in doing his will, 
 than in any thing else that this life can yield us. If the few 
 scattering joys which have entered our benighted hearts 
 here, make us so happy, what must the full glory of that 
 life be, where no sin can obstruct the gushings of peace 
 and joy. I write unconnectedly, dear M., for my heart is 
 so full I cannot give expression to what I would say. I 
 never thought that I could be so peaceful in the service of 
 God, nor have such a sweet, tranquil frame of mind, as I 
 have enjoyed for a few days past. Now I give up every 
 doubt and fear, and trusting only in my Saviour, am willing 
 I humbly hope, to do all he appoints. Dear M., I did not 
 mean to occupy this note with my own feelings, but they 
 would come out. O, to sing praises to our Saviour ! He 
 who has redeemed us from our sins, and given to us the 
 hope of eternal life ! But the bell rings and I must close.'' 
 
 Journal. 
 
 " Seven o'^clock, P. M. I must note down what a sweet, 
 composed, happy day I have had. It was indeed sweet 
 to come with so many dear friends to Christ's table. I can 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN I.ENNEP. " 91 
 
 truly say that it has been one of my most peaceful days^ 
 All is given up to God, and my heart does humbly rest in 
 him, and trust in that Saviour who vi^ill never leave nor 
 forsake those who come to him. I have abundant reason 
 to trust him. Yes, O yes ; and my heart is grateful ; of 
 this I am certain — and though the clouds come over my 
 soul, and sins perplex and distress, and though trials press 
 on every side, yet can I say ' my heart is fixed.,'' and I will 
 trust him forever." 
 
 " Sabbath, May 9th. This is a morning for devout 
 praise. Surely grateful incense should ascend from every 
 heart to-day. I love to think that while I sit at my win- 
 dow, and drink in the varied beauties of this lovely hour, 
 there are many, in their quiet rooms, who now are sending 
 up to heaven the glad thanksgiving of hearts full of love to 
 God. All nature is teeming with life and joy, and thrice 
 happy are they whose minds are attuned to participate in 
 the gladness of gushing melody from bird and bee. Again 
 the sunlight lies on the fresh green grass and gentle hill- 
 side, and the blossoms smile in the light of this glorious 
 morning, and the notes of the sweet robin meet my ear. 
 I love all, more and more, every day, and humbly hope I 
 love and adore the Father of all. I think as my love of 
 heavenly things increases, so also does my love of this 
 beautiful creation. 
 
 There was formerly, when I drank in the beauty of 
 nature, such an under current of sadness, whence it came 
 I know not, and such a feeling of oppression, as if so much 
 beauty were painful, that my saddest hours were, when 
 gazing on scenes like this before me. It was an unsatis- 
 fied mind, looking in vain for something to fill the void ; 
 and I did not then realize, as I do now, that it was a sense 
 of God's love that was wanting. I thought the feeling 
 
92 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 constitutional, for as it was in nature, so it was in every 
 thing else that 1 enjo3'ed ; it awoke the same minor chords 
 to vibrate in my heart. It is not all gone now, but it is so 
 far diminished, that a sweet peace comes over my mind, 
 and a little season alone, where nature smiles, draws my 
 heart right to God, and I go away satisfied and tranquil. 
 
 I feel happy, this morning, to leave myself and my dear 
 friends, all in God's hands. There is mercy through 
 Christ. We can trust this good Saviour." 
 
 " Noon. It is a sweet Sabbath noon-tide, quiet and 
 warm, and the bees are lulling us with their hum around 
 the fragrant cherry blossoms, and the clear liquid notes of 
 a bird, break now and then on the stillness. 
 
 This morning, my father went to the Sunday School. 
 After opening it with prayer, he made a few remarks, at 
 the close of which, he spoke of the book which was ever 
 open to our view, reading us lessons of love and truth 
 from its beautiful pages. C.* made me understand that 
 she thought it was the book of nature ; and I was pleased 
 that she knew so readily. My father's prayers, both at 
 Sabbath School, and afterwards at church, were adapted 
 to this lovely spring day. Dear C. is, I trust, a Christian. 
 It is sweet to have one dear child safe in the fold of the 
 Saviour." 
 
 To E.t 
 
 Sabbath Evenings May 9th, 1841. 
 
 "I hope, my dear E., that this beautiful Sabbath has 
 put many sweet thoughts into your mind, and led you to 
 
 * One of the little girls in her class. 
 
 t A young friend, in whose spiritual welfare she felt a deep inter- 
 est. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 93 
 
 love our Father in Heaven, with a vs^arm and confiding 
 love. How sweetly the beams of his goodness meet us 
 on every side. Free as the air we breathe, is the love 
 which comes from our God. 
 
 Think, my dear E., that this glorious Being, who made 
 the stars in such countless numbers, who keeps them all 
 in their places, who made the birds too, and each little 
 insect that flies in the sun-light, and keeps them all, watch- 
 ing and guarding them, will also watch over and guard 
 you. Oh, yes, — he has a Father's heart, and not one who 
 lifts even a trembling voice to him will he neglect. He 
 listens to the prayer of the most feeble and timid, and the 
 momenta poor wanderer returns to him, he meets him with 
 a Father's blessing. 
 
 Think of that blessed Saviour, who ' though he was 
 rich, for our sakes became poor.' Why did he leave his 
 glorious home, and come to this earth to suffer so long a 
 time, and die in so much agony ? Oh, my dear E., we 
 know very well that it Avas to save us from the misery and 
 the power of sin. He saw us while we were far from God, 
 and in infinite love he came to draw us back to him. 
 Do you know that verse, 
 
 ' Jesus saw me when a stranger, '- ^ 
 
 Wand'ring from the fold of God, 
 He to save my soul from danger, 
 
 Interposed His precious blood.' 
 
 My dear E., hear the voice of that Saviour calling you to 
 him. Go and give him your heart — give him the soul he 
 died to save. He ransomed it from eternal death, not with 
 silver, nor gold, nor the precious things of this world, but 
 with a price infinitely more costly, even the blood which 
 he shed on the cross. 
 
 Will you not give him your whole heart ? And then 
 
94 MR3. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 your Father in Heaven will love you for Jesus' sake, and 
 will own you as his dear child. He will guide you safely- 
 through this life, and should your way ever become dark, 
 yet his hand will lead you on, and bring you at last to that 
 peaceful home where you will join in singing anthems of 
 praise ' to him who hath loved us and given himself to die 
 for us.' No sin, no sorrow can enter that home. There 
 our Saviour dwells with all his faithful friends. Many 
 are there whom we have known and loved, and he who 
 guided them safely, will also guide us. Let us go dear E, 
 together, to that promised land. Jesus will lead us through 
 every temptation. Why should we have any fear when 
 we know that God will help us } Do you know that sweet 
 verse in Isaiah 41 : 13: ' I the Lord thy God will hold thy 
 right hand, saying unto thee, fear not ; I will help thee.' 
 
 Write me an answer, dear E., and believe me ever your 
 affectionate friend." 
 
 A delightful response came back to this note, showing 
 that the individual to whom it was addressed, was already 
 beginning to feel an interest in the things of religion. Mary 
 bore this young friend constantly upon her heart, and there 
 was ever after a free interchange between them of thoughts 
 and feelings on the subject of personal religion, which was 
 interrupted only by death. 
 
 ^^ Saturday, May ^^. ^0 sunshine and fair earth,' I 
 say, every time the morning breaks in its freshness. Day 
 and night are telling the same story of love and joy, which, 
 like a gushing fountain, pervades all nature. Morning is 
 for joy and leaping of heart, and evening is for calm and 
 gentle thoughts, but both tell the same tale of a Father in 
 Heaven, ever good and kind. 
 
 Tuesday, May 25, was a delightful day. 1 was in 
 Farmington on a visit to C. C. We went at 11 o'clock, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 95 
 
 to Mr. N.'s, where we passed a lovely time, revelling in 
 wood and ravine, and gathering wild flowers in the glen. 
 It is a paradise on earth. The house and grounds are per- 
 fect. And there are sweet, Christian hearts, to enjoy 
 God's rich favors there. When 1 look at them, and feel 
 how much they are enjoying, there is no heart sickness 
 about it, for I know that the angel of peace has spread his 
 winy; over their dweliins:, and that the other w^orld will 
 but continue and increase their happiness, for its source is 
 in God." 
 
 To C. C. First day of summer, 1S41. 
 
 Hartford, Tuesday, 3, P. M. 
 
 " Here I am, dear C, at home, and you are again in your 
 school, and the visit to which we looked forward for so 
 many months, is now in the past, and its events are living 
 only in our memories. But it is a sweet visit to remem- 
 ber, and I love to call up each day, and live it over again. 
 There -vta^re many things in it, v/hich can furnish fruitful 
 themes for our meditation. I am glad that we spent the 
 time as we did, for though I brought back to Hartford 
 nearly all the difficulties I carried away, yet I returned 
 with a better heart for conquering them, and have already 
 begun to carry into execution some plans for preserving a 
 quiet, trustful spirit. I feel that I am but just awaking 
 from my childhood's dreams; that I have every thing yet 
 to learn, and all my strength to gain. 
 
 My dear C, I count among my chief blessings, that we 
 are permitted to know each other on earth, and to form a 
 friendship which I hope eternity will only strengthen. In 
 coming years, our paths ma}"- be widely separated, and our 
 interchanges of feeling be only few. But it will matter 
 little to us, for we can still pray for each other at our 
 
96 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Father's throne, and no distance can ever break the bond 
 which unites us. And while we are steadily pursuing the 
 way our Saviour has marked out, we can look forward to 
 a meeting beyond this life — and 0, that meeting ! Friend 
 meeting friend, around the throne of God and the Lamb i 
 There we can all recount the way in which our God has 
 led us. It overwhelms me to think of it. Many an event 
 now unthought of will pass, before that meeting comes. 
 And our characters too, will not they have changed ? 
 Shall we be the same beings, with hopes, desires and joys } 
 And shall we recognize each other as friends, who began 
 existence almost together — who wept and rejoiced to- 
 gether in youth } 
 
 June 8th. My dear friend, is there not a perfect luxury 
 in these soft summer days } How beautiful every thing 
 is ! Praise and thanksgivins;, gushino; forth in one foun- 
 tain ! — and are not our hearts tranquil ? I wish we could 
 spend these lovely evenings together. The foliage is more 
 beautiful here than ever before, and the city has looked 
 like a garden, as I have stood by the window and seen it 
 bathed in moonlight. To me, there is something fearfully 
 solemn in a winter moonlight upon a city ; when the din 
 of daily labor has ceased, and a death-like stillness reigns 
 
 over all the abodes of men when the spires rise to heaven 
 
 in their lonely majesty, and the moon passes calmly on her 
 way, over dwellings which hide aching and weary hearts. 
 But though the solemnity remains in the summer time, yet 
 it is of a softer kind, and not what makes me hold my 
 breath. 
 
 We had a sweet Sabbath twilight. What a relief it is 
 to meet around our Father'^ throne." 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 97 
 
 Journal. 
 
 " Sabbath^ June dth. My dear C. and I, engaged in a 
 sacred promise, to spend the twilight hour in prayer for 
 three dear friends. May God hear, and answer, and con- 
 tinue to us a praying spirit. The Sabbath twilight is pe- 
 culiarly dear. It is my sweetest hour." 
 
 " Wednesday^ June I6th. Here, by my own window, I 
 have passed a quiet season, and now in these few moments, 
 I must recall the days that are wanting in my journal. So 
 many and so varied have been the scenes of the past weeks, 
 that I have longed to note them down. Perhaps it is best 
 that I am obliged to hurry them over, lest they assume too 
 much importance in my mind." 
 
 " Sabbath, June 20th. Once more alone in my favorite 
 seat, with a sweet Sabbath to reflect upon. Its hours 
 have passed very calmly, and I love to think of the pray- 
 ers, and sermons, and of my Sabbath-school class. I have, 
 indeed , many sins to mourn over — many wandering thoughts 
 have crept into my mind, and till this weary body of sin is 
 cast off, they will, I fear, ever trouble me. O, I am frail, 
 and sin clings to me ; but I can pray and trust in God. 
 
 These blessed Sabbath services are my life. May I 
 grow by them in every grace ; casting off selfishness, and 
 living to my Father in Heaven. My dear father's sermons 
 and prayers have been refreshing and strengthening to me ; 
 lifting my heart above this world. I started with glad sur- 
 prise, when he read the closing hymn. I had been think- 
 ing of it during the afternoon, as appropriate. Such pleas- 
 ant coincidences often occur. My favorite it has long 
 been. * Nor eye hath seen nor ear hath heard.' 
 
 I have a peace this summer such as I never felt before. 
 There are indeed many things without, which do try me 
 9 
 
gg MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 not a little. It is a very eventful season, and will, in all 
 probability, decide the destiny of my life. These passing 
 events bring with them many perplexities and trials, which 
 would weigh me down, if I could not look to God and say, 
 ^ Thy will be done.' lam pondering many things, and 
 there is a ceaseless rush of thought, which sometimes makes 
 my brain almost wild. And then I have so many duties, 
 that my time is more than occupied — and I have sin and 
 selfishness to subdue within, for my heart is revealing its 
 dreadful corruptions — and I have friends to pray for, whose 
 condition weighs on my spirit— but in the midst of it all, I 
 think I can trust in God, and leave all with him. 
 
 I do hope that I live to do his holy will. It is my de- 
 sire ever to wait on him as Father^ Saviour and Sancti- 
 
 Jicr to take every duty as it comes up before me, with an 
 
 earnest desire to do God's will in it — to bear every trial, 
 and enjoy every blessing, in such a manner as will fit me 
 for the other world, whenever God may see fit to call me 
 from this. 
 
 Dear Madam Feller has been here during the last week. 
 It was my privilege to see her a great deal. There is a 
 holy influence constantly around her. It is seen in every 
 glance of her eye, and felt in every tone of her voice. She 
 has given up all to God, and now she wants nothing. May 
 not I have the same self-consecration, and give up all to 
 my Father's blessed service. A vacant seat in the car- 
 riage which took Madam F. to Wethersfield, it was my 
 privilege to occupy. In spite of our different languages, 
 we contrived to understand each other — talked with eyes 
 and any way. Returned home feeling as though I had 
 been in the world of angels, so much of heaven breathes 
 in all that surrounds her." 
 
 " Wednesdai/y 2Sd. On Friday, walked out to Mrs. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 99 
 
 C.'s, on the hill. We had been invited there to tea. It 
 was a beautiful evening, and the grounds about the house 
 are uncommonly fine — such a profusion of shrubbery, and 
 so many sweet flowers. But 1 went, inwardly regretting 
 the loss of my quiet twilight hour ; yet I did spend a far 
 sweeter one, than I should have dared to hope for at home. 
 After tea we walked around, and while I lingered alone, 
 there, beneath the softest blush of a summer sky, and the 
 fading light of day in the west, I passed some of the calm- 
 est and most delightful moments I ever spent. My heart 
 could go up silently to the throne of God, and in Jesus' 
 name, I could pray for all who were then in my heart. I 
 thought of the lines, 
 
 ' Or if 'tis e'en denied then 
 In solitude to pray,' &c. &c. 
 
 and particularly of this verse, 
 
 ' E'en then the silent breathing 
 Of the spirit raised above, 
 Will reach that throne of glory, 
 Which is mercy, truth and love.' " 
 
 Far?nington, June 26th. 
 *' Here, in this lovely village, with the meadow land 
 stretching its green expanse before me, spotted with its 
 deep, dark groves, and the misty mountains lining the 
 horizon — here I am., really looking upon it — not dreaming 
 of its beauties — but here at my dearly loved window in 
 Mr. N.'s mansion. Oh, how I should love each tree and 
 hill side, from this window, if it were my own home. I 
 should love to watch each shadow descending from the 
 mountains, and veiling those dark woods. How the whis- 
 pering breezt^, floating o'er these fairy meadows, and bend- 
 ing the soft long grass, would speak in its soothing tones 
 
100 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 to my heart. What a variety of lessons could I learn from 
 every look at nature. I have seen the morning sun burst- 
 ing forth in a flood of golden light, upon mountain, wood 
 and meadow, until every thing glowed in beauty. And I 
 have seen the sun go quietly to rest, and a sweet dewy 
 stillness gather over hill and valley ; and the stars have 
 looked down in their mild light, and the moon in her calm 
 radiance^ has shone on a scene of loveliness, rivaling even 
 the heavens, in its silent glory. I have seen nature here 
 in all her moods, joyous and sad, wild and tranquil, drear 
 and beautiful — shadow and sunlight coming and going, 
 and it has all spoken with a meaning to my heart. I 
 should love it all too well, this ' sunshine and fair earth,' 
 did I not daily pray that its lessons might point me to the 
 skies. They must not speak again of earth's dreamy, 
 fevered enchantments ; no, these lovely scenes must lead 
 my heart through nature to its God. 
 
 It is two years since I knew this lovely spot, and I have 
 passed many a pleasant hour since then in this dear family. 
 Sweet intercourse I have had with friends here. Charley 
 glads me with his merry frolics. But these quiet moments 
 by my own window, will be my last, for before the sun 
 has gone down, I shall be in my own dear home." 
 
 Hartford^ June 27. 
 ^' Sabbath Evening. Again in my own precious home, 
 and though wearied in mind and body, I am thankful for a 
 quiet heart. It has been a very warm, damp day. One 
 of those dreamy days, if I were of a mind to dream, but I 
 am not. O, no. There is too much to be done in this 
 world to leave room for dreams. There is a continual con- 
 flict to be carried on with sins — a continual watching and 
 striving against them, and need of continued effort, and 
 much earnest prayer for the promotion of holiness in our 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 101 
 
 world. Surely there is enough to do. Oh, for strength, 
 and the willing mind. God will give both, if we only 
 wait humbly on him. 
 
 " Jane 28th. While at Farmington, I read Byron. I 
 had many thoughts about reading his works ; but I wished 
 to know him, that I might be better able to influence some, 
 who love him, and Moore, and Shiller, too well. I prayed 
 to know what was duty — so when dozing time came, after 
 dinner, while all was still, I took down ' Childe Harold.' 
 I read it calmly, for I could do it then— once, it would have 
 made my brain wild. There are some glorious things in 
 it ; but through the whole, sweeps the same dark current 
 of thought and feeling. It is fearful to think of his mind, 
 enlightened by no ray from heaven ; thrilling only to such 
 themes as are natural to ruined, apostate man, brooding 
 over the dark and troubled scenes of earth, and madly 
 rushing on to ruin, with the wreck of faculties, which had 
 they been rightly directed, would have elevated him high 
 in the scale of being. I read the two first Cantos, after 
 dinner, and each day after, while all was still at the same 
 hour, I made myself familiar, not only with Childe Harold, 
 but many other of his pieces." 
 
 *' Friday., July 2d. I am thankful in the prospect of a 
 few quiet hours, for I need them very much to arrange my 
 scattered thoughts, and know where I am. And first I 
 must take some note of those passing days. 
 
 On Tuesday afternoon, I went with a party to the tower. 
 Had a most lovely time, and enjoyed it more than any other 
 excursion I had made there. I have it all in my memory, 
 for it touched too many chords within, to be soon forgot- 
 ten — but no words can describe the beauty of the scene. 
 
 Sweet and calm were my thoughts, almost all the time. 
 9* 
 
102 MRS. MAHV E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 I felt free, and happy as a bird. Even the dream-like 
 clouds which lay pillowing in the far north, did not awaken 
 the same feelings of sadness, they would once have done. 
 The far off hills, so dim and shadowy, and the sky, stoop- 
 ing so softly down to meet them, as seen from the tower, 
 almost took away my breath. 
 
 I had a sweet time down by the boat house, just at sun- 
 set. Some had left it, and were walking in other parts of 
 the grounds, and thf^ few who remained were quiet with 
 the gathering repose of nature. I stood alone by the lake, 
 and watched the thick foliage around it, fringed with the 
 last golden light. The waters were sleeping calmly be- 
 neath the o'ershadowing mountains, and I blessed my 
 Father in Heaven for the beauty there is in our fair earth, 
 and holy thoughts of his love came floating into my mind. 
 1 was not troubled with vanity, as I had formerly been on 
 such occasions ; and yet I feel almost afraid to say so, for 
 I know the same selfish feelings remain, yet they do not 
 give me so much trouble, nor occasion, as they once did, 
 such a ceaseless inquietude within. 1 know, that if I do 
 God's will, that is all that is of importance to me. I am 
 happy for the visitings of such thoughts, for they help me 
 to increase in my desires for other's happiness, and to put 
 down that towering selfishness, which has gained such 
 mastery over me. A bright moon lighted our way home, 
 where we found ourselves safe at ten o'clock. I thanked 
 God for all my blessings. 
 
 A bright moon all this week has been shining, and I 
 have sat alone a few moments every night, that the calm 
 stillness of all nature might speak holy thoughts to me ; 
 and I have been, I fear, reading the book of nature more 
 than the book of grace. Oh, there will come a dearth to 
 my soul, if I do not awake. 
 
 Next Sabbath is our communion, and my heart is sad to 
 
MnS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 103 
 
 think I have improved so little in these two months. There 
 has been a happy arrangement of things, by which I am 
 able to spend this morning in quiet, for oh, my heart aches, 
 it is so oat of order, and I need time to think. I must see 
 where I am. Oh, my Father, wilt thou send thy Spirit to 
 search me and take away my sins, that I may renew my 
 covenant with thee, and be truly thy child. 
 
 During the past two months, there has been increasing 
 distractedness, owing to the varied scenes which summer 
 brings. I thought much of this in the spring, and prayed 
 that this spirit of the world might not creep in with the 
 return of warm days of luxury and beauty. 
 
 I feel that I have less of it this season than ever before. 
 It seems less a matter of importance what the world thinks 
 of me, or how I stand in the estimation of those around me 
 in a mere worldly point of view. 
 
 Last summer I pined to mingle more in society, and it 
 made me unhappy to see how much I was shut out from 
 it. It seemed to me that comparatively few cared to make 
 my acquaintance. This mortified my vanity, and I was 
 continually thinking of it, and turning it over in my mind. 
 I could not persuade myself that this sensitiveness was 
 wrong ; for I knew that it was not mere worldly society, 
 nor worldly indulgencies, which I desired ; but it was 
 that I might mingle in general society, as the other girls 
 did.* I reasoned thus with myself: — ' Jf it were for sinful 
 
 * Several things contributed at the time alluded to, to exclude her 
 somewhat from general society. Among these, the principal was the 
 lateness of the hour when parties broke up. Her father was an ad- 
 vocate for seasonable hours, and was exceedingly annoyed by any 
 irregularities either in rising or retiring, which broke in upon family 
 order, or interrupted the regular studies and duties of the day. The 
 habits of society, in this respect, were at variance with his principles. 
 If she attended parties therefore, she must do so at the expense of 
 
104 ^JRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 things that I pined, it would be wrong, but how could I 
 feel otherwise than sad, when my days passed compara- 
 tively in solitude ?' 
 
 I know that 1 am fitted to enjoy life, to mingle in all the 
 interchanges of friendship, and to participate in the various 
 scenes which help to form the characters of my friends ; 
 but I now see, that the feelings which I had last summer, 
 were very wrong. I forgot the blessings which God was 
 then showering on my path — those sweet blessings which 
 have been mine for years — and the things which he with- 
 held were not what I needed. They would have drawn 
 away my heart from him. It was best I should be with- 
 out them. How foolish and wicked have been those repi- 
 nings? What blessings I have enjoyed I The only thing 
 I can weep about now, is my poor improvement of them. 
 My situation is just the one for the improvement of my 
 mind, my heart, and my capacities for usefulness. I 
 have blessings all around, if I only knew how to avail 
 myself of them. I have enjoyed many calm hours alone, 
 and have felt my heart growing better by them, and also by 
 the precious Sabbaths I have had given me. And then I 
 have communion with sweet friends — oh, so sweet, that I 
 
 incommoding her father. If she retired from them altogether, she 
 must do so at the risk of losing her friends. This for a time occa- 
 sioned her much perplexity, and some real suffering. She knew her 
 father had no wish to exclude her from society ; on the contrary, that 
 he chose to have her mingle freely with her young friends, and par- 
 ticipate with them in all the appropriate enjoyments of social inter- 
 course. But she quickly found the impracticability of doing this, and 
 at the same time of accommodating herself to his hours. She there- 
 fore made up her mind to retire from late social circles altogether. 
 As a consequence of doing so, she was dropped from the acquaintance 
 and attention of some, and those who sought intercourse with her, 
 were such as truly valued her society and friendship: and precious 
 indeed to her was this choice circle of friends. 
 
MRS. MARY H. VAN LENNEP. 105 
 
 can only find relief for my happiness, by thanking God for 
 them. Then, I have continued opportunities for useful- 
 ness ! My cup runneth over. ¥v^hat shall I do ? It 
 seems as though my Heavenly Father is leading me to him ; 
 and in every way of love he can devise, is drawing this 
 stubborn, ungrateful, selfish spirit to himself. 
 • I have no more of society than I had last summer, but I 
 have learned to look for happiness in another channel. 
 And here 1 am in danger — I feel it. I am in danger on 
 many accounts : and first, of being seJf-scitisJied — of think- 
 ing 1 have something loithin that lives without the toorld's 
 breath. This is h^'mg puffed up. I may thank God that 
 he gives me grace to do so, but any thing like pride will 
 ruin all peace. I am thankful that I have sources within 
 my heart, of happiness. But here another trouble meets 
 me. I ask myself whence is this happiness .? Comes it 
 from doing God's will } Does it proceed from a consecra- 
 tion to the Saviour ? Or is it from a feeling within, which 
 is merely a kind of poetic religion } A meditative, pleas- 
 ant communion with natural beauties ? If this be the case, 
 then my peace rests on no safe foundation. Lately I have 
 been troubled about this ; and it requires my serious atten- 
 tion. I do not think that my religion is mere poetry, but 
 I fear it may all run away in feeling, without producing 
 any or but little good effect. I must guard against this. 
 
 I have many sins — God only knows how many — sins of 
 vanity and selfishness, of listlessness, waste of time, and 
 worldly-mindedness — sins too of unquiet — for T feel that 
 every moment of unrest, that I allow, is a sin. And I 
 could not have believed it possible that I should acknowl- 
 edge this I said. Christian principle does not take away 
 feeling, and so long as we are in a state of discipline, our 
 feelings must be often sad and gloomy — and so I sometimes 
 allowed a melancholy to steal over my spirit. But this 
 
106 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 was wrong, and against the spirit of the Bible. Though I 
 now feel that religion, so far from taking away feeling, only 
 increases it, yet 1 draw a different conclusion from what I 
 once did. The heart in which the love of God reigns, may 
 feel, and deeply too, the trials which here come alike to 
 all ; -but there will be in the mind of such a person, a peace, 
 which as ' an anchor to the soul sure and steadfast,' will 
 keep it unmoved amidst assailing temptations. 
 
 I have had during the past two months, many duties, 
 and I have felt all along too hurried to perform them well, 
 and I am resolved to turn over a new leaf, and keep calm. 
 
 I think 1 have wasted many moments in wandering 
 thoughts during my times of devotion, making these sea- 
 sons less profitable than they would otherwise have been. 
 
 I have loved to pray and meditate ; but has it been in a 
 right manner r In all my feelings, desires and plans, am I 
 sure that the glory of God is my end ? Have 1 engaged 
 in these for myself, or because I love Jesus, and have con- 
 secrated all to him ? These are solemn questions, and I 
 will try to answer them candidly to my own heart, and 
 pray for God's blessing, that wherein I sin, the blood of 
 Jesus may cleanse it away, that so I may indeed do the 
 whole will of God. 
 
 I have not enjoyed the same sweet thoughts to-day that 
 I had before the last communion. I have not had that 
 
 tender spirit but now 1 pray for it. May the world be 
 
 far away, and holy things occupy my mind. And now I 
 commit myself to God. May I have a calm Sabbath, and 
 be in a state of preparation for its holy ordinances. May 
 vanity and selfishness be far away, and 1 entirely devoted 
 to my Father and Saviour." 
 
 '* Sabbath noon, July Ath. I have just returned from a 
 sweet season, for which my heart blesses God, my Sav- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 107 
 
 iour. O, these are refreshing ,5easons in our pilgrimage. 
 Tliey come as gleams to our path, even now, though far 
 from our Father's home. He sends his love to us, and 
 here in this lower world, we may sing the songs of the 
 redeemed. This is a day to be remembered. How sweet, 
 how joyful, to rest my all on Jesus, to lean on him, and 
 know no fear. Here I can praise him only faintly. In 
 that day, when this mortal robe is cast aside, I will raise 
 my voice in a ceaseless song of gratitude — ' Unto Him 
 who hath loved us, and given himself to die for us.' 
 
 Last communion, I prayed that three dear friends might, 
 ere the day should come again, be safe in the fold of Christ. 
 That prayer has often been renewed since, and yet this 
 day is here, and finds them still strangers to God. But I 
 know not what may be now passing in their minds. Per- 
 haps some gleam of truth may have entered their hearts, 
 and be secretly at work within them. Jesus has died for 
 them, and I will still pray, that for his sake, they may be 
 made free from sin, and heirs of everlasting life. 
 
 This day, at communion, I thought of four things which 
 deserved special notice, and I resolved to do them, during 
 the coming two months. And first of all, to endeavor to 
 keep a heart free from all disquiet, humbly doing God's 
 will, and leaning on the Saviour. Then to converse more 
 on heavenly things with all my friends, particularly those 
 a little younger than myself. Then to continue to pray for 
 the same dear friends who have been on my heart for a long 
 time, and to add one more to the number. And lastly I 
 made a general resolution, to be active in every way of 
 doing good, particularly in my class and tract district." 
 
 '-^ July 11. — Morning. Our sweet Sabbath is again 
 
 here. I have no words for the loveliness of these days. 
 
 ^Their beauty refreshes my soul, and leads me to God. 
 
108 'MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Many things have been going on in my inner world the 
 past week, and I have needed much grace to meet its 
 duties, and to overcome this heart of evil, which 1 bear so 
 continually about O, when shall 1 be free from this body 
 of sin ? When will the world cease to have power over 
 me ? I thank God, that in the midst of much sin, I have 
 been able to look to him, and my prayers have been 
 answered. But I feel the earthliness of this heart more 
 and more. It is too strong for me ; yet I will trust in 
 God." 
 
 *' July 12. Last Monday was the Temperance celebra- 
 tion. I sat alone in the orchestra till the procession entered 
 the church. It was truly a grand and interesting sight. 
 In the procession were the different societies of the city. 
 Each wore appropriate badges, and carried beautiful ban- 
 ners. There was the ' Juvenile,' and the ' Young Men's 
 Society,' and the ' Catholic ;' but what interested me 
 most, was the ' Washington Society' — to see those rising 
 from the chains of intemperance, and struggling to be free 
 men again." 
 
 " TImrsday, loth, I did enjoy yesterday. Had a de- 
 lightful ride to the tower through Farmington. Our con- 
 versation was quite lively, though not improperly so. All 
 of us were Christians, and in such a party there is always 
 a certain balance, which keeps us from going too far. From 
 Farmington, we went through Avon, to the mountain. 
 That mountain road, sweeping through those groves, and 
 commanding a view of the valleys beyond, is very fine. 
 There were clouds in the sky — but they added a majesty 
 to the scene. The stillness of the lake before the gathering 
 storm, spread quiet over my heart also. We sat by the 
 shore, and woke the echoes by a few pensive strains, and 
 then i]^e rain came, and we ran for our carriage, which was 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 109 
 
 at some distance; but we were not much wet. The 
 locusts, which hne the avenue to the boat house, give the 
 grounds quite an eastern look — and I always think of the 
 feathery trees, which raise their heads in far-off sunny 
 climes, when I see thein. Rode home in a thunder storm. 
 It was not a wild and fearful one, and in our carriage we 
 did not feel it much," 
 
 '^ Saturday evenwg^ iSt'h. God has been showing me 
 this vile heart of pride and selfishness, and I have felt hum- 
 bled by it. May it lead me to make exertions for my 
 friends, not in a spirit of selfishness, but in a true desire 
 for God's glory. My only wish with regard to m.yself is, 
 that I may be willing to be nothing, and to have God all. 
 Have had a deeply interesting talk with F., for whom I 
 cease not to pray. Many things have come to my knowl- 
 edge about him, and I am hoping and trembling. There 
 will be revelations made on the hills of light, of which w^e 
 do not now dream ; revelations which will show the ever- 
 lasting, unchmging love and faithfulness of God our Sav- 
 iour, who will not let us go, but will watch over and guide 
 until we are safe in the path of life. 1 v, ill still pray, and 
 will not cease." 
 
 To E., the young friend to whom a note was addressed May 9th. 
 
 July 27th, 1S41. 
 " I could wish, my dear E., that I had time for many- 
 words this morning, for I love to write to you very much. 
 You seem discouraged, my dear girl, because you do not 
 always keep your resolutions. But you must not feel so. 
 Try again — try very often, and look to your Saviour, who 
 will certainly help you to overcome every wrong feeling. 
 Oh, do not feel as though you should fail. Is not Jesus 
 10 
 
110 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Christ stronger than your sins ? Cannot he help you to 
 triumph over thenn? What a blessing it is that he has 
 touched your heart with sorrow for them. If you repent, 
 he will take them away, and will make your heart happy, 
 by shedding abroad his love there. 
 
 You ask, dear E., if it was wrong for you to pray about 
 the things you did. Oh no. Go to your Father in Heaven, 
 and tell him all your feelings, and pray about every sorrow 
 you have, and thank him for every joy, and ask him for 
 what you wish — -only say just as Jesus did, ' Thy will be 
 done.' Dear E., you cannot please him more than by 
 doing so. Satan and sin, have driven us away from our 
 Father, and they would keep us away if they could ; but 
 he calls us to come home to him, and be his dear children, 
 and hold that sweet intercourse with him, which children 
 may. Therefore you may go without fear, and in Jesus' 
 name, may lift up your heart to him at all times. And 
 what a blessing ! In our waking hours, and in the quiet 
 night, and when the morning dawns, and when we walk 
 amidst the beautiful scenes of nature, we may lift up our 
 hearts in prayer to that good Being, who is ever near us. 
 
 And now, my dear E., I must close. Often I pray for 
 you, that God would give you strength to go on in the right 
 path. May you never grow weary in well doing, is the 
 prayer of you sincere friend, M." 
 
 To C. C. 
 
 Hartford^ Wednesday evening, July 28, 1841. 
 *' Dear C. T scarcely know where to begin, among the 
 multiplicity of interesting topics, which have accumulated 
 the past weeks. I have thought out many things, and have 
 longed to seize my pen, but, I blush to say it, I am hurried 
 as ever in this hurrying world. O, if I only accomplished 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 1 1 1 
 
 any thing I But I am going to do two things, and if one 
 was not that I am to spend a week at the sea-side imme- 
 diately, I should not be writing you in so anti-puritanical 
 a time as I now am. 
 
 I do thank you ten thousand times for your letter. I 
 would gladly take each separate topic, and tell you of the 
 thoughts it has occasioned When I return, I shall enjoy 
 writing to you. But you are wondering why I should think 
 of being away just now. It could not be avoided. Miss 
 B , one of Mr. Brace's teachers, is obliged to leave town 
 for a few wrecks, and it was impossible to get any one to 
 take her place, and I did consent, though with much fear 
 and trembling, to go into the school during her absence. 
 As my health is not perfectly equal to it, my friends are 
 going to send me on Friday to the sea-side. I shall return 
 in time to commence my new duties on the second Monday 
 in August. O, C, I dare not speak of it. I did but exist 
 before ; and those long hours in school, teaching Butler and 
 Algebra to girls older than lam ! But it will have an end. 
 If 1 live through it all, then I will talk abput it. 
 
 I have no words to tell you of my joy at the tidings of 
 J. N.* Such an event can only be prayed and rejoiced 
 over with tears of gratitude. Surely we can trust and 
 pray with assurance now. If I had seen you a day later 
 than Wednesday,! could have told you very much. Per- 
 haps I had then too many hopes. Yet I was never so over- 
 come as on that day, with the thought of God's faithful 
 love to the poor wandering children of this world, seeking 
 them out, and leading them in paths they know not, till he 
 brings them to that path which couducts safely home. 
 
 Pray, dear C, that my heart niay be fixed on the Sav- 
 iour — that I may listen all the time to the teachings of the 
 
 * A friend, who had just become a Christian. 
 
112 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Spirit. I dread the water-side for fear of the company ; 
 and yet I am looking forward with longing delight to days 
 spent ' M here the glad sea winds are blowing,' and the blue 
 water sweeps its waves among the rocks. I am going to 
 Sachem's Head, which is said to be delightful this season* 
 On my return, I shall try to stop a day in New Haven, for 
 my dear J. is going south. I cannot bear to think of 
 her leaving us. But I must look forward now to heaven, 
 as the place where dear friends can enjoy intercourse, which 
 must be denied here." 
 
 Journal. 
 
 *' Sunday evenings August St/i. Here am T again in my 
 own home, with my beloved friends, and by my quiet win- 
 dow, I am spending these last holy hours of another Sab- 
 bath. Another week has past, full of events, and full of 
 subjects for remembrance and prayer. My health is im- 
 proved by the jaunt, and my heart is, I trust, somewhat 
 improved by the seasons of devotion I have enjoyed at the 
 Head. 
 
 This morning I awoke early, and a strange sadness 
 hanging over me for which I could not account, filled me 
 with perplexity. Have prayed much all day for absent 
 ones, and have been ready to ask how I knew that any of 
 my prayers would be answered. But I will always pray 
 and trust in God. Let not my eye become dim, nor mj'' 
 steps grow faint. What I need is perseverance. Help 
 me, O my Saviour, to grow in this grace. 1 want more 
 enlarged views. I want to act from deep, warm princi- 
 ples of piety in every thing. But 1 will work yet more 
 hard. I will trust in God for sanctification by the Spirit, 
 and will give up all my interests to Him who doeth all 
 things right. May I remember that it is mine to trust 
 and do His will. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 113 
 
 To M. 
 
 August 2\st. It was my earnest desire, my pre- 
 cious friend, to answer your letter immediately on its 
 reception, and nothing but the most urgent duties could 
 have prevented my doing this sooner. How my heart did 
 rejoice in your letter. Dear M. we have both been led, 
 though by different ways, to change our views very much 
 with regard to this life, and the life beyond the grave. Let 
 us praise our God and Father that he has inclined us to 
 look away from ourselves to the interests of His glorious 
 kingdom, — let us thank Him that he has enabled us to 
 feel that it is a privilege to live only to do His will, by try- 
 ing to advance the cause of our Saviour, in this ruined 
 world. O my friend, could we sit down together for an 
 hour, we should find themes enough for conversation. If 
 this blessing is denied us here, yet in Heaven we can '-'• Re- 
 member all the way that God has led us." When I think 
 of God, and of Jesus, and of the kingdom of holiness which 
 is arising over the ruins of the fall ; when I think of that 
 home, in which all the redeemed of the Lord will at last be 
 gathered together, my heart is too full for words. O, 
 these are themes which awaken overwhelming emotions. 
 Does it not seem, dear M. as though you can not rejoice 
 enough over the change which has taken place in our 
 hearts — that we who were once strangers, are now chil- 
 dren of a Father infinite in every perfection that can be 
 conceived ? And when we think of our dear friends, 
 coming back one after another from their wandt-rings, and 
 received into the kingdom of love and peace, have we not 
 cause for the deepest joy ? 
 
 I am writing, dear JVL, on the very table we used togeth- 
 er so long, and in the room we called ours for many a day. 
 Like a dream those days passed, and still like dreams will 
 the remainder go, but there is a world where existence 
 10* 
 
114 ^I^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 will be dream-like no longer. There every thing is real, 
 and for that reality I long more and more every day. 
 
 Friday evenings August 27th. You see I write jour- 
 nal fashion, according to my usual plan, dear M., for I can- 
 not command any length of time, as I am at present in 
 school. Miss B. needed a little vacation, and wished me 
 to take her place in the Seminary for a few weeks ; so I 
 am installed teacher of eight classes, and though I find i^ 
 very fatiguing I like it better than 1 feared I should. 
 
 My time this summer is passing most delightfully. I 
 think lean call it the happiest in my life. Every day, I 
 have enjoyed, as it passed. I often ask myself why I am 
 so happy, and I hope I know the reason ; and that it is 
 based on a foundation which the changing pleasures of 
 this world can not remove. I shrink from presumption, 
 but I feel that I should be grateful for the quiet heart God 
 has given me during the past months ; so that the enjoy- 
 ments of life have been gilded by a brightening radiance, 
 and its sorrows robbed of their gloom. 
 
 Were you here this evening, by my side, in this still 
 chamber, which has been the scene of many a long com- 
 muning, in the days that are gone, we would talk of all the 
 way through which we have passed, and bless God for 
 that guiding hand which has led us on till now. As we 
 go on in life, how many dark dispensations are cleared up — 
 how often is the veil lifted from many a mysterious and 
 trying providence ! I bless God that I can trust Him. In 
 all His ways He doeth rightly. And in Heaven if not 
 here, we shall know the reason for every discipline we 
 receive at our Father's hand. 
 
 When I think of you, my precious sister, I have such 
 yearnings of heart to see you, that 1 can scarcely be satis- 
 fied. O that we might weep together over your sorrows, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 115 
 
 and rejoice together over the consolations of the precious 
 Gospel. There is comfort there. O, M., I know that you 
 feel it. It is not mere words when you say that God 
 your Heavenly Blather supports you. I praise Him that 
 you know in your own experience what it is to lean on 
 His Almighty arm. No other comfort can compare with 
 this. God only knows how to support the stricken soul. 
 Is it not sweet to look to Him as Father, Saviour and 
 Sanctifier — to feel that He is doing all that infinite love 
 and wisdom dictates — to trust Him in all His ways ? 
 That sweet word trusty yes, it tells all. 
 
 Keep, dear M., that same confiding spirit even to the 
 end, do the will of your Saviour here in this world, and 
 peace and eternal blessedness will be yours. There is 
 * no wave of trouble' to roll over the spirit once safe in its 
 home. Do you remember the song we used to sing called 
 the ' home of the soul ?' How much more do our hearts 
 now feel the sweetness of looking forward to such a home, 
 than when we sang it in those days when we could not 
 feel our need of it ? It is not till the changes of life show 
 us the emptiness of earthly bliss, that we turn with long- 
 ing eyes to that v^^orld where our Father and our Saviour 
 dwell. An Infinite Being can alone satisfy our spirits, but 
 there we shall find an overflowing fountain of blessedness. 
 
 You must not wonder, dear M., that 1 speak so much of 
 my feelings being changed. No deep affliction like yours 
 has sobered my views of life, and yet those views are so 
 difierent from what they once were, that 1 am disposed at 
 times to doubt my personal identity. We are led in differ- 
 ent ways to place our trust on what is the only sure foun- 
 dation ; and though it be through dark paths, yet the end 
 is bright. 
 
 I rejoice, my precious sister, in the interest you feel in 
 all that concerns the kingdom of our Saviour in this fallen 
 
I 5 6 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 world. We have given ourselves to the cause of Zion. 
 There are our dearest interests, and though we work indiffer- 
 ent parts, it is the same vineyard We are beneath the care 
 of the same leader. We are passing to the same gathering 
 place, the gathering place of all the redeemed. 1 here are 
 celestial lands before us. Do not the gleams from the 
 Heavenly Temple come down even now to gild our path ? 
 Can not we catch some strains from the angel choirs above 
 to cheer us on our,course ? It is sweet to join our inter- 
 ests with the interests of the church of Christ. Let us, 
 dear M., strive to look more and more avi^ay from ourselves, 
 that we may feel and labor for the many who are perishing 
 in their sins. I want more of the spirit of Christ, that I 
 may feel for every being upon the face of the earth. Are 
 we not all brethren t Is not the soul of each infinitely pre- 
 cious t O, my friend, if our hearts are touched with com- 
 passion for the wanderers from their Father, let us thank 
 God, and do all we can to lead them back. Blessed be His 
 name that we may feel for them, and that our poor labors 
 may receive a blessing. How sweet a privilege it is to 
 bear our dear ones to the throne of grace, to supplicate for 
 them pardon and peace ? It is such a relief to pray for 
 them ! For we go to a Saviour who feels for them more 
 deeply and tenderly than we can. 
 
 I long to talk with you of our Saviour's kingdom, and to 
 pray with you for its advancement. When shall it be } 
 Must we wait till we have cast aside our earthly taberna- 
 cle ere we meet again ? It will be sweet, IVI.,to join with 
 you in the songs of the redeemed, but 1 do earnestly desire 
 to bend with you once before the mercy seat, to unite our 
 petitions for the perishing millions who know not God. 
 When will the day come, when the knowledge of the 
 Lord shall fill the whole earth ^ When our Saviour shall 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 117 
 
 reign and the whole earth be his ? Why wait the days, 
 the days of Zion's glory ? 
 
 We all love to think of our precious M. Many send 
 love to you, and my dear parents call you their other 
 daughter, and now, my dear sister, I must say farewell for 
 a little time.'' 
 
 Journal. 
 
 '* August 27th. I have much strength to gain for my 
 new and varied duties, and 1 long for the quiet hours it 
 has been my lot to enjoy for the past months. But that 
 sweet season for growth in grace is now broken in upon by 
 my pressing duties, and again I am in the busy world. 
 But I can trust God still. 1 must call to mind the seasons 
 I have enjoyed, and let their remembrance refresh my 
 mind while in the whirl of life. 
 
 When 1 begin to think of God, so many thoughts come 
 that 1 am overwhelmed, and in my prayers I know not 
 whether to praise or to 'petition. I have so many bless- 
 ingtCrt/seems as though I must thank God all the time, and 
 yet I have need of so many things that I must pray contin- 
 ually. I want every shade of sin to go away from this vile 
 heart. I want every truth in the precious Bible to exert 
 its proper influence over my life, I want to view every 
 thing, both in this world and the other, in its proper light. 
 It is my one great aim to bring my soul into entire con- 
 formity with God's holy will ; yet the duty of self denial in 
 some things is not as readily complied with as I could 
 wish, and then I can only go to God and pray for a right 
 spirit. O, it costs me many a hard battle to endeavor to 
 bring my wicked heart right. But my greatest desire, and 
 for it I am willing, to put forth any effort, is, to be a true, 
 sincere^ active^ self-denying^ Christian. It seems the 
 only pleasant and right way of living. I mourn in secret 
 
118 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 over my hard, selfish heart ; I pray for forgiveness through 
 Christ, and it does seem as though my path is easier. I 
 have some glimmerings of light. 1 have such sweet 
 thoughts of God, and of Christj and of the Christian's 
 course, that my heart sings often with joy and gratitude. 
 * Search me, O God, and try me, and see if there be any 
 wicked way in me.' 1 am afraid of self-deception. 
 
 I am at present engaged in teachingMiss B. 's classes \a 
 the Seminary. It is very difficult, but I pray for strength, 
 and it is but for a short time. May 1 fulfil every duty, 
 and do all for God's glory. May I work and pray for the 
 advancement of Christ's blessed Kingdom." 
 
 " September bth^ Sabbath nfternoon. I am alone at 
 home, for I am unable to attend to all the public duties of 
 this day. I am once more by my own window where I 
 anticipate a quiet hour in thought of Heaven and of my 
 Saviour. It has bt^en our communion this morning, and we 
 have had a beautiful day for its holy duties, but to me it 
 has not been all peace like the last communion. That 
 was a day more like heaven than any thing 1 have since 
 had. 1 have had a weight on my spirit from which it has 
 been hard for me to arise. I am poor and miserable, and 
 yet 1 have looked to Jesus and some faint gleams have 
 been granted me. I will try to trust and do right, then all 
 will end in peace. 
 
 Since I hare been in school, my mind has been so close- 
 ly occupied that I could not attend to my religious duties 
 as I wished ; and themes on which I once dwelt with de- 
 light, have escaped too much from my mind. This has 
 darkened my way. I am so sinful, I need all the help I 
 can have. During the week I have had much excitement, 
 and am w^orn out with it. I am in a strange state this 
 afternoon ; perhaps I am not well ; I do very much need 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 119 
 
 support from above. But if I trust in God he will give me 
 strength to meet every duty. 
 
 This is a sad account ; but I have written down my feel- 
 ings and they are a faithful index to my heart, sometimes 
 peaceful and again mourning on account of sin. I want to 
 keep this journal to refer to in after years, when, if I live, 
 I shall be far from this home. The events of this summer 
 have been the touchstone to many hidden feelings. The 
 outer world has been calm as usual, but in my inner world 
 what a succession of events and of scenes there has been ! 
 O, my God, if I might not have looked to Thee, could I 
 have borne this ceaseless rush ! 1 should have sunk, 
 might I not have leaned on the Saviour for aid. 
 
 *' September \2th. Sabbath afternoon. Again alone 
 and better prepared, I hope, to spend my hour than I was 
 last Sabbath. I now feel that I was worn out with ex- 
 citement then. I needed to have been quiet and trusted 
 in Christ. Now all is calm and sweet. I can only thank 
 God and say, ' here my Father, take me and do with me 
 as seemeth good in thy sight.' I want to keep on in a 
 steady, ev^en course ; but there are continually coming up 
 things which deeply excite me, and never till I reach the 
 other world, do 1 expect to be free from their influence. 
 There we shall be able to bear all, but here joy and sor- 
 row wear away the life. 
 
 I am at present in school, and though I love my dear 
 girls very much, yet I find it so fatiguing I shall rejoice 
 when Miss B comes and 1 can be released. There will 
 come many duties for this fall and winter, which will re- 
 quire strength and calmness of mind, and I must try to keep 
 my heart quiet. 
 
 The American Board are now at Philadelphia, delibera- 
 ting what they can do in the present crisis. May our 
 
120 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 churches be ready to meet it. I pray for strength that I 
 •may be ready to give up my all. O, I am very weak, — I 
 need to look to Chri>t for aid in every thing. But I can 
 have a bold heart. I want to have my heart lose its hold 
 on earthly things, and look more at Christ's kingdom. 
 I must use diligently all the means I have for this, and 
 they are very great. 1 am determined to press on, that so 
 ' Christ may be formed in me the hope of glory.' " 
 
 Tuesday IMi. The mists of an autumn evening now 
 hang around the hills and over the trees. The crickets 
 are chirping their songs. I love their voice. There is a 
 lonidint^ss in their notes agreeing well with these fading 
 days. These early autumn days are to me the most glo- 
 rious of the year There is a hallowed influence in the 
 quiet air, and the vault of heaven wears just the hues 
 which tell of a holier clime. It is a time for elevating 
 thoughts. 1 love thr'S- days more than I can tell. I have 
 loved the summer softness and the young spring's breath, 
 and I love autumn too. Oh, this fair earth so beautiful 
 even in its ruins, how many looks and tones it has to win 
 us up to heaven. Last year my heart was sick at the 
 thought of autunui. The turning leaves made it recoil. 
 It was not so once, but tJun it made me melancholy to see 
 the trees fading, and the flowers dropping away, and to 
 hear the chill night wind whistling against the casement. 
 I thought continually of Bryant's words on autumn, 
 
 " The melancholy days are come, the saddest of the year. 
 
 Of walling winds and naked woods and meadows brown and sere." 
 
 But I thank God, that a year has taught me better les- 
 sons. How quickly this summer has passed ! Let me 
 see to it that my days are spent usefully, when they fly so 
 swiftly^ To-day 1 have enjoyed, for 1 am at work on my 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 121 
 
 own plans. My school days are over, and again I am 
 quiet ; and can command time for my various duties both 
 at home and abroad." 
 
 " Sabbath, September 19th, Dr. Armstrong of the Amer- 
 ican Board is here. He has come in behalf of Mis- 
 sions, and though it has been denied me the privilege of 
 hearing him preach, I have prayed that his labors might 
 be blessed. 
 
 I have had a dull day in body, but 1 trust not quite so in 
 mind. Fatigue and excitement have made me nearly use- 
 less, but I hope 1 shall improve as the cold weather re- 
 turns. This morning I dozed about all the time, have not 
 been down at all to meals, and dozed till after church time 
 this afternoon, but for a little while I have been up and 
 read ' Last hours of Christ,' and also some interesting 
 papers of Dr. Armstrong, and I have had sweet thoughts 
 of Jesus and His faithful love. So great ! It is wonderful ! 
 and I so poor and vile. The least thought makes my eyes 
 overflow, for I am weak. I am happy and trusting to- 
 night. When I look in, all is indeed very dark and sinful, 
 but I look away to Christ and all is bright, and I pray for 
 my precious ones, and for this whole world that Jesus may 
 reign." 
 
 11 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 SICKNESS AND RECOVERY. 
 
 ^'■Sunday, Oct. lO^A. It is just three weeks since I 
 have written in my journal, and I have looked for the first 
 time this afternoon, upon my lovely hills, by my own dear 
 window. I am writing in my own chamber, where I have 
 passed through a deeply interesting and eventful season ; 
 for I have been brought to the borders of the grave, from 
 which it has pleased God to raise me, so that now I am fast 
 recovering, I have been down stairs for a little while, and 
 have touched again my dear piano. But I am still very 
 weak, and sit in my easy chair very quietly, reading some, 
 and sewing some, but thinking most of the time. And O, 
 I thank God for the sweet thoughts he grants me. 
 
 I can look back on the whole scene, and view it only in 
 the light of a blessing. I had very little suffering, princi- 
 pally weakness ; but I was so ill, that my parents gave up 
 all hope, and my physicians felt there was scarcely a chance 
 for my recovery. And yet, through the whole, my mind 
 was clear. I knew all which was going on around me, 
 felt my danger, and thought that I should die. It pleased 
 God to give me great calmness, without which it would 
 have been impossible for my disease to have been check- 
 ed ; for excitement was the thing most feared. 1 left the 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 123 
 
 event entirely in my Saviour's hand. I trusted all to him, 
 and knew that if it was his will, I should recover ; if not, 
 I trusted he would not leave me at the last. It is a mira- 
 cle that I am spared. I am filled with wonder ! I can 
 only say, ^ Lord, this life I devote all to thee.' 
 
 In this room I have passed, and am passing, some most 
 delightful days. I cannot think of the kindness of all my 
 friends, without the greatest wonder. It makes me very 
 humble. I have had one overflowing stream of blessings, 
 ever since the commencement of my illness. All my wants 
 have been anticipated. The kindest friends have been 
 around my bed side — the best care has been taken of me. 
 Every thing that love could devise, has been done. My 
 dear Mrs. Fitch came all the way from New Haven, and 
 took care of me a night and a day. O, my cup has been 
 full of blessings ! The loveliest flowers have bloomed on 
 my table, and the choicest fruits, since I began to recover, 
 have been before me. But this is not the half. 
 
 It has pleased my Heavenly Father to give me a more 
 happy and peaceful spirit, than I have ever before enjoyed. 
 I have the sweetest verses and hymns in my memory, and 
 my communings on m}^ bed, have been most precious. 
 The dark valley of death, looks not near so dark, since I 
 have been so near it, and heaven seems near all the time. 
 
 I have yet many sins over which to mourn, but it seems 
 as though my Saviour permits me to lay my head on his 
 bosom, and weep over them there, and supplicate grace 
 and pardon for myself and all my dear friends. I love my 
 friends and every body, and every thing, ten tliousand times 
 more than I did before. The sun never shone so brightly^ 
 nor the moon so peacefully ; and yet I love God, and Jesus, 
 and heaven, as much better. The Bible never seemed half 
 so precious. I can only look to God, and pray him to keep 
 me close under the shadow of his wing, since it seems his 
 
124 MRS. ISFARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 will I should live a little longer here. I think this is one 
 of the lessons I needed to learn before entering on my labors 
 in adistant land. Of these I think much. And I have sweet 
 thoughts of my absent friend. I thought of him when I 
 supposed myself dying, and did wish to see him ; but I 
 can trust that all to my Father's care and keeping." 
 
 *^ Sabbath afternoon, Oct. 17th. I have been longing , 
 to go again to church. This is my fifth Sabbath at home ; 
 yet I have enjoyed my Sabbaths at home very much. To- 
 day has been uncommonly beautiful. The late frosts have 
 turned the leaves golden and brown. I sat down in the 
 parlor after the people had gone to church, and with the 
 sweet sunshine looking down through the fading foliage, I 
 committed the fifteenth Chapter of John. I had some sweet 
 thoughts then. I do think I thirst for the streams of holi- 
 ness. I fear to mingle again with the world, for my heart 
 will not be so quiet, when its hum is in my ear. O, my 
 God, never let me stray, but make me abide always under 
 the shadow of thy wing. O, my Saviour, preserve me 
 against the first approach of worldliness. I want to think 
 more of my missionary labors, and cultivate such a spirit,^ 
 as will best prepare me for future usefulness. 
 
 And now, I commit my soul into the hands of my Sav- 
 iour. I do wish to devote myself and my all to his service. 
 Poor and unworthy as I am, I do love and trust him. 
 
 I am still unable to 2;o out, but I sit in my room, doing 
 various little things ; resuming my duties as my strength 
 will allow, and thanking God for renewing my life so rap- 
 idly. I do bless my Father in Heaven, for the precious 
 hours I have had during the past week." 
 
 *' Sunday evening, Oct. 24th- I hope my day at home 
 has been profitable. Last evening had a sweet season of 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 125 
 
 preparation, and then a refreshing sleep prepared me for 
 the day's duties. Have thought much to-day of Jesus' 
 dying love, and have prayed over my ingratitude. I have 
 not the joyful frame I sometimes have had ; but I am satis- 
 fied if I can lay this poor aching, sinful heart at the feet of 
 Jesus, and know that he will pardon my ingratitude. I 
 can trust him. I do believe on him. I do love him. I do 
 devote my life to his blessed service. May he give me 
 strength to overcome every sinful desire, to renounce every 
 selfish interest. 
 
 1 have had many delightful seasons alone this week, but 
 last night when I reviewed it, I was startled to find I had 
 been so remiss in duty. It is of his mercy that I am not con- 
 sumed. A year since, if I had passed such a week, I should 
 have thought myself well off, and should have praised God 
 for it. But now, though I do thank God for the little light 
 I have, I find so much darkness and corruption w^ithin, 
 that I can only say, ' God be merciful to me a sinner.' I 
 long to be free from this bondage of sin; but there is con- 
 tention in my heart, and evil wars with the good. In the 
 midst of all I pray to Jesus, and there is my comfort. 
 Sometimes I think my selfishness is breaking up, and again 
 some new display, damps my hope. But I will go on, and 
 my weakness will be made strength through Christ. Let 
 me remember all who have struggled, and yet have been 
 borne safely through. Let me remember all that Christ 
 has done for me — all that he will do. I can lift up my 
 heart and take courage. 
 
 My Sabbath-school class came to see me on Wednesday. 
 Had a precious season with them. O, may they all be 
 lambs of the fold. M. W. left on Thursday, and I am 
 indeed lonely. I pray God my true comfort may be found 
 in doing his will ; then I can look forward to heaven as the 
 place where friendship may be perfected. Dr. Parker, 
 11* 
 
126 MI^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 from China, was here on Friday. I was overwhelmed 
 with the welcome and benediction he gave me — a welcome 
 into the missionary field, and a blessing on my labor. I 
 was ready to sink, and could only pray I might be worthy 
 to receive such high honor." 
 
 *' Thursday, Oct, 2St7i. Yesterday I rode for the first 
 time. The leaves are fast faUing, the sky wears its smoky 
 hue — it is our Indian summer. While riding, I thanked 
 God that I breathed in the open air once more. These 
 autumn days, to which I looked forward, I have not been 
 able to enjoy in the open air, but I have watched from my 
 window the fading leaves, and the lovely autumn sky, 
 which seems to shed a radiance so like heavenly light. 
 
 I watched for the evening star at twilight, and saw it 
 for the first time this fall. Its gentle light brought thoughts 
 of other days. How I watched that star last winter ! My 
 first twilight musings were, when it was looking down 
 upon me, and seeming to woo my perplexed and troubled 
 heart to Him who is the comfort and guide of all. I bless 
 its light again. It brings hours of peace to my mind — 
 hours I shall ever bless God for. I love to dwell on the 
 scenes of last winter. Many a struggle Ihave had since 
 then,j3ut it does seem, that since that time my course has 
 been onward." 
 
 '' Sabbathj October Slst. This morning had many pre- 
 cious thoughts, aud wrote down a short account of the re- 
 vival last winter, besides reading a portion in Doddridge. 
 This afternoon, spent the time in prayer, and reading in 
 the Bible — some portions of Isaiah, and also the last chap- 
 ters of John. Learned the twelfth of Isaiah, a beautiful 
 chapter. I have committed recently, the 14th, 15th and 
 16th chapters of John, and like to fix these interesting por- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 127 
 
 tions of scripture in my memory. I have been free from 
 distracting thoughts of any kind to-day. I am thankful 
 for the precious season. 
 
 We are enjoying some of the loveliest days I have ever 
 known in autumn. While looking abroad, the past, with 
 all its deeply interesting events, comes into my mind, and 
 fills it with strange emotions, which I cannot describe. It 
 is not pain nor pleasure. It is the spirit of the long gone 
 years, and whether to let it come or not, I do not know. 
 O, my Saviour, do thou purify all my feelings, that my 
 soul may be a fit temple for the indwelling of the Holy 
 Spirit. I do earnestly desire, that every thing 1 feel and 
 do, may prepare me for usefulness in the cause of him who 
 has loved me and given himself for me. And while I 
 remain in this dear country, may I so live, that I shall be 
 satisfied in reflecting on my course from a distant land. 
 Jesus, I give my ail to thee. May I make thee, alV^ 
 
 To M. S.,* on her birth day. 
 
 Nov. 1st, 1841. 
 " I could rejoice with you, dear M., and have been 
 happy all day, that your year is opening so beautifully. 
 The skies are smiling upon your birth-day, and may they 
 be the emblem of a brighter sunshine which shall gild your 
 future years, until the light of Heaven's own radiance shall 
 burst upon you. Have we not much to bless our Father 
 for } Oh, he is indeed crowning our life with goodness. 
 And this day, dear M., the one of all days to you, is a 
 lovely one in which to recall the past, and look towards 
 the dim future ; dim indeed so far as the events of this life 
 are concerned. M., our childhood has passed like a dream. 
 
 * One of her earliest and dearest friends. 
 
'128 M^S- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 It seems but yesterday, since you and I were playing to- 
 gether with our dolls ; but our dolls died long ago. Those 
 days at the Seminary are more real, and it makes my heart 
 thrill, when any little thing calls them back. Three years 
 have wrought marvellous changes ; and our spirits have 
 been growing older, and already we are knowing what it 
 is to live and act in life's drama. Oh M., M., must there 
 be this ceaseless change ! forever passing on in the current 
 of time, must we go on leaving loved scenes, and treasured 
 events, far, far behind, with memory's picture continually 
 increasing. Well, let it go on, for there will come an 
 end, and we shall pass to another world, more real and 
 enduring. 
 
 The past will speak to-day, dear M., and I know you 
 too are listening to its voices, and these fading leaves be- 
 neath so glorious an autumn sky, are well in keeping with 
 the spirit of by-gone years. Qh, surely it is well to cast 
 some glances behind, while we are hurrying on, even 
 though the retrospect may bring a shadow over us ; for the 
 past has lessons we may not forget, and its tones are tones 
 of wisdom, if we will but listen to them. 
 
 I would that we could spend this day together, and live 
 over our early years once more ; that we could together 
 bless God for the past, and cast ourselves and all our inter- 
 ests, on him who has thus far guided us. Let us give to 
 him our future years, and then indeed will they pass 
 brightly and calmly. Our careless days have all gone by ; 
 now we are beginning to think and feel for ourselves. 
 Already have our charactars taken the stamp, which in all 
 probability they will bear through life, and through eter- 
 nity. Oh, it is a fearful, an overwhelming thought, and 
 yet not more fearful than true. We may change in minor 
 points, M., yet 1 think the future will alter but little the 
 outline of our characters. Perhaps it may not be so. And 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 129 
 
 I would that time might bring something beside maturity 
 to mine. There is one thing in which we may hope to be 
 continually changing — the conquest over corrupt affections 
 and earthly desires must go on. With us, dear M., I could 
 humbly hope and believe, that it is already commenced, 
 and that a Father's blessing even now is resting on our 
 efforts, and a Saviour's hand, leading on in the way. Even 
 now, my dear friend, we can raise the song of gratitude, 
 < Unto him who hath loved us, and given himself for us ;' 
 and the past can furnish material enough for a hymn of 
 praise to-day. We raise it unto that God who called us 
 in our wanderings, who remembered us in our youthful 
 days, and led our feet into the path of life. We look back 
 and rejoice in all the goodness which has crowned our 
 years, and forward with unshrinking hearts, to the untried 
 future, for our God is with us. Oh, M., let us ever trust. 
 My heart has been with you all day, and I meant to 
 have written a birth-day note, but I see I must send only 
 an apology for one, and yet if it tells you that I love you, 
 both for the years of friendship which have passed, and for 
 those which I trust are yet before us, and if you make out 
 from it that my earnest wishes are for your increasing hap- 
 piness, it will have accomplished in part its object. Oh, 
 many an autumn will bring its glorious hues and fading 
 days, and when with them comes also your birth-day, and 
 the many thoughts it brings, think, dear M., of one early 
 friend, who will always pray for a blessing upon each cher- 
 ished companion of her youth. 
 
 Ever yours, M." 
 
 Journal. 
 
 ^^ Nov- 2d. Took a French lesson to-day. A gift of 
 mignonette from my teacher, is filling my room with its 
 
130 MliS. RIAUY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 fragrance. Yesterday took a lovely ride. Oh, so beauti- 
 ful was every thing. It was M. S.'s birth-day. Wrote 
 her a note, and thought much of early days. We are 
 growing old fast. Well, let the years pass, if we are in 
 the way of duty." 
 
 '''' Nov. (Sth. The blessed Sabbath approaches, and I 
 am expecting to attend the service to-morrow, and come 
 around the table of our Lord, which is to be spread. What 
 a two months this has been ! I have an overflowing cup of 
 mercy — brought down to the borders of the grave, and now 
 raised again to life and health. May this life, so wonder- 
 fully spared, be all devoted to that Saviour, who has died 
 for me. 
 
 I have enjoyed, during the last two months, many pre- 
 cious seasons of prayer, and have read the Bible with more 
 interest than ever before, and I hope I have improved in a 
 calm and trusting heart. The voice of the world has been 
 in a measure hushed here in my quiet room. But alas I 
 my heart is still weak, and now that I am no more alone, 
 I find that sin is still thriving, and I must watch and pray 
 all the time. O, this spirit of worldliness, how I long to 
 sweep it 'from my soul. Where should I hide my guilty 
 head, if not at the foot of the cross. 
 
 I have not been to church since the Sunday after my last 
 communion. And now, my Father, and my Saviour, wilt 
 thou pardon all that has offended and grieved thee, during 
 the intervening days, from my last communion season. 
 My heart rises in thanks for thy ten thousand mercies. 
 May I hide myself in the dust, and give all the honor to 
 that Saviour who has loved me, and died for me — to whom 
 I surrender my all for time and for eternity, and consecrate 
 myself anew to his blessed service. 
 
 And now may the blessing of God rest upon all who will 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 131 
 
 come around the table of the Lord to-morrow. May it be 
 a day long to be remembered, and in its strength may we 
 go many days." 
 
 " Sabbath afternoon, Nov. 7th. I have indeed enjoyed 
 the precious privilege to which I looked earnestly forward. 
 Again I have entered that dear church, and partaken 
 of the emblems of our Saviour's dying love, and have 
 had refreshing thoughts of God, and of Jesus. O, I 
 could utter songs of praise for the sweet peace of this 
 day. I spent an hour of preparation in my room, and 
 went early with my dear mother to church. How delight- 
 ful it was to go again to the house of God. I do know 
 that it is a precious place. My dear father's prayer was 
 indeed elevating, and my thanksgivings went up with his, 
 for my being permitted to enter the holy courts again. 
 The sermon was from the text, ' Unto you who believe he 
 is precious.' I did feel comforted by the train of thought, 
 and my two favorite tunes were sung in the morning; and 
 then at the communion season, my mind was cahn and 
 happy. There I renewed my resolution of trusting in 
 Jesus, and keeping a quiet heart ; and thanked him for the 
 calmness I have for the past two months enjoyed. I re- 
 newed my resolution of praying for four dear friends, for 
 whom I feel much anxiety. May I persevere in prayer, 
 and never faint. And lastly, I resolved to turn my atten- 
 tion more particularly to my future labors, and to try 
 every day to learn something which will be of use to me 
 in a foreign land. 
 
 And now may Jesus accept these resolutions ; and give 
 me grace to keep them, even to the end — and whether liv- 
 ing or dying, may I be the Lord's. — Amen.'^ 
 
 " Four o'clock. What a day this has been. This after- 
 
132 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 noon, my dear father preached to the children. I could 
 not go twice, though I wished it very much. So as soon 
 as all were gone, I came to the study window, and looked 
 off on the charming hills, so beautiful, so calm in autumn 
 sunshine ! And then the sky so clear, and of so soft a blue ; 
 it led my heart in gratitude to heaven. ' O, religion is a 
 reality,' I said, as I looked on the calm Sabbath scene be- 
 fore me, ^ Jesus does live and reign, and heaven is the home 
 of the Christian.' And I have prayed, and rejoiced, and 
 read my bible here by this window, with no sound to break 
 on the stillness. I have been reading in the Prophets of 
 the future glory of Zion, and I have longed to burst the 
 bonds of sin, and to be perfectly holy. Unto thee, O my 
 Saviour, I turn. Hear my humble prayer. May I give 
 my all to thee, and never turn away from thee who art my 
 best beloved friend, my hope, my trust, my all. I want 
 nothing else but to abide forever tinder the shadow of thy 
 
 NeiD HaveJif Nov. 11. 
 
 *' Thursday evening. I am enjoying a quiet, delightful 
 visit here. Every thing is lovely ; music and fragrant 
 flowers, and in an adjoining portico, a sweet canary is pour- 
 ing forth its melodies — and books, and above all the society 
 of one, whose judgment, and taste, and Christian principle, 
 m.ake her friendship invaluable. I feel the blessing. May 
 God give me grace to improve it. Already I have many 
 valuable hints from her, with reference to my future labors. 
 There are many questions of duty constantly occurring to 
 my mind. Of one thing, however, I am certain. What- 
 ever tends to perfect character, I must attend to. My 
 great duty is to prepare for the other world, my own soul, 
 and the souls of those over whom I have influence. 
 
 My motives must be drawn from God's glory, and Jesus' 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 133 
 
 love. Oh, these are all-powerful. Vanity and selfish- 
 ness, my two great sins, I must try hard to overcome. 
 Watchfulness is what I need very much, and I try to culti- 
 vate it; and a tender and enlightened conscience will be 
 my greatest blessing, for then I shall not be led into any 
 wrong course. And now may God bless all m}?- efforts 
 throughout this day." 
 
 " Saturday evening, Nov. 13th. Last week, at this 
 time, I was at home, and passed a sweet evening. May 
 this be equally pleasant and profitable. This week has 
 passed very pleasantly, more quietly even than at home. 
 I can thank God for the happy state of mind I have en- 
 joyed. The holy communion has remained in my memory 
 with a sanctifying influence, and my Heavenly Father has 
 seemed nearer to me than at some times. 
 
 I have this week learned many valuable things about 
 my future course ; and I hope to improve on the hints I 
 get from my dear Mrs. Fitch. Her views of duty, and of 
 this world, are so enlarged, consistent and reasonable, that 
 I am disposed to lean favorably to them. Yet I want to 
 bring all to the test, and I need to examine, before I adopt 
 views, which at this time may affect my whole future 
 course. I trust in God, that he will lead me in just the 
 right way. There, a learner at his feet, I am safe." 
 
 '•''Monday, Nov. 15th. I have been watching the bold 
 front of West Rock, on which the sunlight streamed. This 
 lovely city of elms, and its two sentinel rocks, and the 
 broad bay stretching at their feet — can I ever cease to 
 remember them, or think of them, without a thrill of emo- 
 tion } I have spent so many happy hours here, that it 
 seems like one of my homes ; each spot is familiar, and its 
 nearness to the sea makes it doubly dear. How favored 
 12 
 
134 MK^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 has my life been — full of mercies — may I improve all to 
 God's glory." 
 
 '-* Sunday evening, Nov, 2\st. I have had some sweet 
 seasons of prayer to day, and have got many interesting 
 ideas from dear Dr. and Mrs. Fitch. Here, in this dear 
 family, some of my happiest hours have been spent. May 
 God reward them for all the kindness they have shown me. 
 My heart twines around these dear friends, and the thought 
 of parting with them, would be insupportable, if I did not 
 hope to meet them in another world." 
 
 " Nov. 23d. Here I am once more, writing my fare- 
 well to this lovely place, and to-morrow evening will not 
 find me here. Farewell to the sweet flowers, and the good 
 old piano, and the table where I have sat many an hour, 
 and the quiet sunlight scenes, and the window seat, and the 
 noble West Rock. I lov^e them all. My most light- 
 hearted and careless days have been spent here, and more 
 thoughtful ones too. Here I have learned many things to 
 remember, when my spirit has grown old.^' 
 
 Hartford, Dec. 2d, 1841. 
 
 ** Thursday morning, I am spending a day in my room, 
 which 1 have long wished for ; — a day in which to look 
 over my future course, and endeavor to adopt those prin- 
 ciples upon which I can safely act in after life. This is a 
 deeply responsible act, and I tremble when I think how 
 much is pending upon the conclusions I now come to. 
 
 May God direct in the plan which I now write down, 
 and may it be formed with his blessing, that so I may in 
 peace carry it into my daily life, and reflect upon it with 
 pleasure when I shall view this life in the light of eternity. 
 
 God has placed nie in this world to glorify him, by pre- 
 paring my own soul for his kingdom, and by doing all I 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 135 
 
 can to lead others to do so. He is sparing me in this world, 
 that my character may be formed into a likeness to his own 
 perfect character , that I may continually increase in holi- 
 ness, and receive those blessings for which the Saviour 
 died. All that I have belongs to God. My time, the 
 mind he has given me, my desires and aifections, all are 
 his ; — his by creation, and by the covenant of Redemption. 
 And may I ever act as if I fully believed these great truths. 
 God has so constituted us, that we cannot live without 
 exerting an influence on those around us ; and in forming 
 our plans for life, we are to remember that we are respon- 
 sible for the effect which our conduct will have upon 
 others, and we are to form such habits, and act on such 
 principles, as will best promote the welfare of those over 
 whom we have influence. God is calling me to a deeply 
 responsible work — that of glorifying him among those who 
 know him not. I need therefore a double portion of wis- 
 dom, to know how to do God's will, and what preparation 
 to make in order to fulfill the duties which will fall upon 
 me. I will not be undecided, but trusting in God, I will 
 be settled and firm in the course I am to pursue. I know 
 that God will direct my steps, and though my earthly 
 friends may not be able to lead me, there is One who 
 knows what is right, and who will direct my steps in that 
 path which will secure the greatest good. I trust in God. 
 I look to him to teach me how I shall best promote the 
 cause of Christ in my own heart, and in the hearts of oth- 
 ers. May God give me grace so to use all the powers I 
 have, that his will may be accomplished concerning me, 
 and the kingdom of our Saviour advanced, even though it 
 be in a small degree only. 
 
 1. My motive in all that I do, must be the love of God 
 and Jesus ; and my object^ the glory of God, and the ad- 
 vancement of Christ's cause in this world. 
 
136 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 2. In order to glorify my Father in Heaven, I must give 
 all the faculties of my mind, and the powers of my body, 
 their proper uses — neglecting none of them, and using 
 none to excess. 
 
 3. I must take all proper means for the preservation of 
 my health ; such as keeping regular hours for sleep, exer- 
 cise, &c. 
 
 4. In intercourse with others, I must recommend reli- 
 gion by all suitable means ; — a cheerful and gentle deport- 
 ment. 
 
 5. I must place self very low, and put God on the 
 throne ; for only in this way will my plans succeed ; — alter- 
 ed Feb. 21st, 1843. 
 
 5. I desire to put self entirely doivn, and God only on 
 the throne of my heart. 
 
 6. In all doubtful cases of duty, I must consider the sub- 
 ject with prayer, and when once decided, go on without 
 wavering. 
 
 7. 1 must keep a quiet mind in every duty. Trust 
 must be my watchword. In the midst of all duties, labors 
 or trials, let a quiet mind be carried. 
 
 8. An observing eye must be mine upon all which is 
 around me, ready to engage in any work for God ; and a 
 listening ear also, to learn whatever I can. 
 
 9. Sympathy with the whole human race I must have, 
 in order to do them good. I must not arouse their preju- 
 dices, but win them to God, in the gentlest way, which 
 my conscience will permit. 
 
 10. In pursuing any course of conduct, which I believe 
 right in the sight of God, I must not be turned from it by 
 others' opinions, unless clearly shown that I am mis- 
 taken." 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 137 
 
 To C. C. 
 
 Dec. 20, 1841. 
 *' Do you believe, my dear C, that it is just a fortnight 
 to-day, since that good snow storm which gave me you 
 company ? And so it is only six weeks before your school 
 closes. But I must not look forward. How long it takes 
 us to learn that living in the present^ is the only wise 
 course, so long as we are dwellers in clay. 
 
 We are reading, that is, M. S., mother and myself, 
 every morning for the present, ' Schlegel's History of Lit- 
 erature,' and find it very improving. Indeed we make quite 
 a study of it, and it gives me a great deal of satisfaction to 
 be so thorouo;h in a work so valuable as this. I have ' Mrs. 
 Smith's Life,' to read, and an essay on ' Living for Immor- 
 tality,' by Foster ; besides several little books which I am 
 despatching as fast as possible. Then we have commen- 
 ced French, and I am more interested than ever. Fitting 
 doll's clothes, and patch work for the society, and making 
 calls, fill up the fragments of time. Here I have given you 
 a list of my occupations. My time nev^er passed so pleas- 
 antly, so free from care, as it does now ; and I feel these 
 are golden moments which I must improve. I have made 
 it a rule to see some of my friends every day, and gener- 
 ally spend a portion of the afternoon in calling. It is very 
 delightful to mingle once more with my dear friends, and 
 to enjoy their society. My father wishes to have me in 
 society as much as possible. As there was no service, I 
 spent the last evening with him, and he gave me many a 
 good hint about my duties, &c. I find that he observes 
 little things much more than I thought he did. His not 
 speaking often of them, has deceived me. But I believe 
 now, that he is a careful observer of habits and manners. 
 Shall I make any apology for such a note of egotism ? 
 12* 
 
138 ^^S- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 I will not, because I think you wish to know what I am 
 doing during our separation. And I expect just the same 
 of you. Remember, dear C, all you see and hear, and 
 tell me when you come. I want to know if you have for- 
 gotten our promise about drawing a sketch for one another. 
 I have thought of it many times, and once had my view 
 selected. The little bag, which I tried so hard to finish, 
 I send now, and hope you will carry it for my sake. I 
 have made a little silk case, lined and wadded, for your 
 sweet testament to live in, and another for M. W.'s bible. 
 Did you have a pleasant Sabbath yesterday, dear C. ^ I had 
 a very refreshing one, but a part of it was spent at home ; 
 for my Sabbath-school services are very wearing, and yet 
 so interesting, I cannot think of giving them up." 
 
 Journal. 
 
 *' Dec, 2lst. The return of this season, reminds me 
 forcibly of the days of last winter. Last year at this time, 
 my spirit was shrouded in a gloom, which hid the light of 
 heaven from my eyes. The corruption and sin of my heart, 
 was staring me in the face. But for all those miserable 
 days 1 can now only thank God. I did indeed pass through 
 a dark way, but I humbly hope it was for my good. The 
 first day of this present year, I began to see light, and since 
 then, my mind has gradually become more peaceful, and 
 my purpose of obedience to God, more and more con- 
 firmed. 
 
 This morning I have been spending a season of prayer, 
 especially for our dear church, that we may be prepared 
 for the approaching fast. And I have been looking over 
 also the year, now drawing to a close. How much I 
 have, over which to rejoice ; and yet it is not all, nor 
 chiefly because my way has become so much brighter, as 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 139 
 
 regards my temporal concerns, — but it is, because my heart 
 can look up in the midst of all my sin, and can trust in 
 God, and own him as Father, Saviour and Sanctifier. 
 
 I long for a time like that of last winter. The dissipa- 
 tion of summer, and the travelling of the warm months, 
 has now given place to a season of quiet. O, may we all 
 improve it ! Those precious days ! 0, that they might 
 return again. Many of my dear friends then found a Sav- 
 iour. But there are yet many, who are without hope in 
 the world. Will not our Father send his good Spirit to 
 touch their hearts, and lead them to him. 
 
 I have many duties to perform before New Year's. 1 
 am making some little gifts for my friends, have society 
 work to prepare, and in addition to this, I have to spend 
 some portion of my time, each day, in Mr. F.'s room, to 
 have a portrait of my poor self taken. With regard to the 
 principles of my life, I do try to be governed by them ; 
 but the one I find the hardest, is to be firm, after I have 
 decided a difficult question of duty. 
 
 My plan I try to pursue, and have reason to think that 
 it is the best I can have ; but I have to hold myself back, 
 fori am continually undertaking too much." 
 
 To C. C. 
 
 Dec. 26th, 1841. 
 " Well, my dear friend, this is a most beautiful day, with 
 which to close our Sabbaths of this year ; and now I know 
 you are enjoying this glorious moon, and thinking, but I 
 hope not too much, on the varied events of tlie portion of 
 time we are now closing. I lingered in our church after 
 service, to watch the sunset light upon the pillars, and our 
 noble organ ; and I would have staid, had I dared, to review 
 there, in the house of God, the Sabbaths of the dying year. 
 
140 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 There are many thoughts which come crowding on our 
 minds, and our hearts are back in the passing days, those 
 days which brought so much trial* and affliction, but which 
 brought too, the comfort and the blessedness of a Father's 
 love. Let us think, dear C, of the blessings which have 
 crowned the year, and of the mercies which have, even 
 though under disguise, come to us. Let us think of those, 
 who forever released from the sin and corruption of this 
 world, are tuning their golden harps on the hills of Zion." 
 
 " Monday evening, 21th. I have just returned from a 
 pleasant evening meeting, the first I have attended since my 
 illness, and it was very good to be there. These precious 
 privileges make a Christian home seem very delightful, and 
 if we prize them so highly, will it not be our highest hap- 
 piness to extend their influence to the whole family of man .'' 
 Oh, for a spirit of benevolence, that shall embrace the whole 
 human race. I hope to derive much benefit from Mrs. 
 Smith's Life, which I am now reading. How much we 
 have to learn. I do not mean of mere worldly science, but 
 of the things pertaining to God and our own souls. When 
 thoughts of that blessed kingdom, which our Saviour is 
 setting up in this world, come into our hearts, how every 
 thing which does not aid it, sinks into insignificance ! And 
 yet I feel that very many things in which we are engaged, 
 though perhaps not bearing directly on the great work, do 
 so advance the cause by the influence they throw around 
 us, that it is part of our Christian duty to engage in them. 
 
 Oh, the time is so short for ' all we need to do.' We 
 have just heard a vague report of the death of a beautiful 
 girl, formerly a member of our family. How strangely 
 sorrow and joy, death and life are mingled ! Another of 
 
 ♦ Miss C. had buried her father during the year. 
 
I 
 
 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 141 
 
 our beautiful flowers is this week to be married. The 
 wedding is to be at our house, so I expect to be very busily 
 and pleasantly occupied; and this, with the approaching 
 solemnities of the fast and communion season, will till up 
 the week. 
 
 Do you remember a sad gloomy letter I wrote you, just 
 a year this week ? I think of those days, as among the 
 most miserable of my life. But I feel very differently 
 now. Thanks be to God, that darkness has given place to 
 trust in him." 
 
 Journal. 
 
 <* Dec. 3]s^ The last rays of the sun are gilding with 
 a rosy hue, the light clouds above the horizon. There is 
 snow on my distant hills, and they are sleeping as in sum- 
 mer days. My heart is far back in the days of this now 
 dying year. 
 
 My character has undergone a greater change in this, 
 than in any preceding year, and yet perhaps the events of 
 earlier ones, prepared for the change, A certain peace and 
 trust, in a Christian hope, has carried me through all the 
 changing and deeply interesting scenes of the year. To 
 God my Heavenly Father, be all the glory. I do repent 
 of every sin. May his pardoning mercy blot out the guilt, 
 the worldlinessof the past year, that it go not over into the 
 year which is coming. 
 
 This morning, I felt rather stupid on account of the ex- 
 citement of yesterday. S. M. and Mr. F. were married in 
 the afternoon at our house. A few friends came in. S. 
 looked most lovely, and F., noble and protecting to the 
 gentle being, who has given him her all. She is a lonely 
 orphan — but exceedingly beautiful — and every one loves 
 her. May God bless them, and make them truly happy. 
 After the bridal party had gone to take the cars for New 
 
142 ^I^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Haven, we all prepared the cake to send round to the 
 friends. A beautiful group of young girls knelt around the 
 table, as they tied the white ribbon around each little 
 parcel. 
 
 And now farewell to the hopes and fears, joys and sor- 
 rows, of this year. There is a world ' where tinne is not 
 measured by years,' and no change comes. May I trust in 
 Jesus, and do his will, then may 1 hope for an entrance 
 into that blest abode." 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 A YEAR OF PREPARATION. 
 
 " Communion Sabbath, Jan. 2c?., 1842. Just two months 
 since I began to go to church after my sickness. I have 
 had a sweet season of prayer. The communion season 
 also I enjoyed, and hope it may have been profitable to our 
 church. My Sabbath-school was very pleasant ; the sermon 
 on nearness to God, and the communion precious ; and I 
 felt a happiness in surrendering myself to Jesus. But this 
 afternoon remaining at home, because too fatigued to go 
 again to church, I read in Mrs. Smith's life, and have been 
 in an agony of tears. O, how poorly I can control my 
 feelings. I read all about the parting from her parents, 
 'and thought about another parting that will come, with 
 such bitter sadness, I knew not what to do. O my Sav- 
 iour, though I am weak, I turn to thee. 
 
 7 o^ clock, I feel calm now, and trust in God, that he 
 will give me strength to do his whole will ; — that he will 
 help me overcome my selfish inclinations, and consecrate 
 every thing to him who died for me. I have had a sweet 
 season of prayer. How good is my Father in Heaven. I 
 will trust, for he knows best." 
 
144 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 " Jan. 9th. How fast has the first week of this new 
 year flown ! This day I shall count as my sv/eetest, for 
 I have been freer than usual from wandering thoughts, 
 and from distracting cares. Had a pleasant season with 
 my class, and listened to a deeply solemn and interesting 
 sermon from my dear father, on ' the influence of the Spirit.' 
 May we all pray for a blessing on the labors of this day. 
 I find it very sweet to look over the notes I have taken, 
 concerning the season of religious interest, which we en- 
 joyed last winter. Cannot those precious days return ? 
 O, what can I do .'' Lord, teach me. 
 
 It has been a most lovely afternoon. The soft sky and 
 golden sunshine, gilding every thing, remind me of the 
 beems of the sun of righteousness. If this earth is so beau- 
 tiful, what must Heaven be, where the presence of God 
 gladdens every spot, and illumines the celestial hills. I 
 thank God that I can look to him, and call him Father, 
 through Jesus Christ, his only Son." 
 
 Wdhersfield, Feb. 20th. 
 
 * This is my second Sabbath in this place, where I am 
 visiting my dear M. W., and I hope that both have been 
 spent profitably. My seasons alone during this week, have 
 been unusually solemn. O, I feel my deep ingratitude 
 a little more than I once did. Spent last evening alone, 
 looking over the past week — found cause of sorrow that I 
 had not been as spiritual as I might have been. O, my 
 Saviour, fill my heart with gratitude ; may thy dying love 
 be my watch-word, and sweetly constrain me to spend and 
 be spent for thee: 
 
 I am making many precious friends here. Can I do them 
 any good } If I have the heart, Jesus will open the way. 
 
 At the window where I am sitting, I have spent many 
 sunset hours in prayer ; and henceforth will the view from 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 145 
 
 it be associated in my heart with some of thepleasantest and 
 holiest hours I have ever spent. I love to connect natural 
 scenery with devoti )n. Even in winter our earth is fair, 
 and is a temple sending up its praises to God. I shall think 
 of this window when I am far away, — -of the sunset colors 
 and morning rays, which have lighted the lovely meadows 
 spread out before me, through which our Connecticut is 
 flowing — and there is the same fine skirting of hill and 
 sky, which I always love to watch. 
 
 Went into the Sabbath-school — had a class of three little 
 girls. It was a solemn work, for I shall probably never 
 meet them again till the judgment day. They too appeared 
 interested." 
 
 " Tuesday, Feb. 22d. Beautiful day ! Soft mist on 
 the mountains, and in the valley the river twinkles with a 
 smoky light, such as I often saw last spring. Surely 
 nature, in all her features, is lovely. What must be the 
 character of that Being, from whom come all these works ? 
 My heart is quiet and trusting, and I can go cheerfully on 
 in the performance of my many duties." 
 
 '* Thursday, Feb. 2ith. This day has been usually 
 observed as the fast for Colleges. This morning, spent a 
 few hours alone, and hope I had a profitable season. And 
 now I want to commit my own soul, and the souls of all 
 for whom I pray, to the keeping of our God and Father,' 
 that he may work in us all that is acceptable and holy in 
 his sight." 
 
 " Friday, Feb. 25th. Went in, with M. W. to the 
 State Prison. We were just in time to see the prisoners 
 assemble for evening prayers, — A most solemn and affect- 
 ing sight. I shall never forget the measured tread of these 
 13 
 
146 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 poor beings, as they came in files from their work shops ; 
 nor the slow and earnest voice of the Chaplain, reading the 
 portion in Ecclesiastes, commencing, ' But if a man live 
 many years,' — nor the singing of the prisoners, ' There is 
 an hour when I must die.' All has made too deep an im-» 
 pression ever to be effaced. The services were peculiarly 
 solemn, for the coffin of one of their number was before 
 them. Without name or date — there it lay, reminding 
 them, that, though shut out from the world, yet death 
 could find an entrance through prison bolts and bars. * They 
 bore him away without the walls, and thus has closed in 
 darkness and gloom, the career of one, who began the world 
 with feelings of buoyancy, of hope, but unchecked by reli- 
 gious principle, soon sunk into shame and sin, and now his 
 end is come. We saw the guard and four of the prisoners, 
 bearing the coffin to its grave behind the prison walls. 
 Mr. B. is well adapted to the station he fills. His manner 
 is sincere and solemn." 
 
 " Sahhath evening, March Ath^ 1842. This afternoon 
 my dear father has been reviewing the twenty-four years 
 of his ministry, of the commencement of which, this day is 
 the anniversary ; and our hearts have rejoiced in view of 
 the goodness and mercy which have followed us all the 
 days of our life. Thanking God for the past, we have 
 looked forward with humble trust for the future, and there 
 in his holy house, have left our oflferings of praise. The 
 prayers, the music, and the sweet hymns, were all in keep- 
 ing ; and when the last one was joined in, ^ On Jordan's 
 stormy banks,' I am sure no heart there but thrilled with 
 emotion. And the doxology, * praise the Lord,' ending in 
 its hallelujah, amen, the rich organ notes swelling in full 
 harmony, seemed, as my dear mother said, like the anthems 
 of heaven. Almost all the congregation who were here 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LfiNNEP. 147 
 
 when my father was ordained, are now sleeping in their 
 graves. Many have died in the hopes of the gospel. They 
 will not return to us, but we shall go to them. My father 
 offered the fervent prayer of his heart, that when we were 
 gone, others might be here, who should form a spiritual 
 and living church to the end of time. 
 
 Our new and deep-toned bell rings this day for the first 
 time, calling us to that church we love so well. I shall 
 love this I know, though 'tis not the bell of my childhood. 
 That good old bell ! connected as it was with so many of 
 the happiest seasons of my life — whose tones were the 
 familiar ones of my earliest moments ; could I help loving 
 it } My father says, I shall not hear that bell in Smyrna. 
 No, its tones will not reach me there. There will come 
 a time, when I shall no more go up to th*t sanctuary, 
 which has been my Sabbath home from my earliest years ; 
 when I shall no more join in its holy services. But I am 
 not cast down; through my tears, I can look to a more 
 glorious temple above, where God and the Lamb forever 
 dwell. No, no ; this dear place of worship, that has nur- 
 tured many plants of piety, will be called mine no more, 
 when I depart from the home of my youth ; but if I hum- 
 bly walk in the ways of piety, and lean upon Jesus for 
 strength, may I not hope that he will go with me in all my 
 wanderings, make me bold and faithful in his service, and 
 that he will cause the truths which I have here heard, to 
 spring up in my heart, and bear fruit forever. 
 
 In the strength of this day's services, I hope to go m.any 
 days ; and now I go to my twilight engagement. May 
 my Father meet a poor unworthy child, and give her a 
 blessing through Christ." 
 
 '» Thursday, March lOth. I am writing by an open 
 window, my own favorite one, and the sun is really op- 
 
148 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 pressive. It is a beautiful spring day, and brings to mem- 
 ory those of last year. There are mild winds without, and 
 the blue-birds sing on the trees around the window. So 
 faithful is our Father to bring again the sweet spring time. 
 Would that it were spring in my heart ! And why may it 
 not be ? 
 
 I have been endeavoring, by a morning spent alone, 'to 
 prepare for the solemn services of the approaching commun- 
 ion. I feel that I have need of much prayer and fasting, 
 for my heart is not in such a state as I desire. I look back 
 on the year which has passed, since my mind began to 
 place a new confidence in my Father in Heaven, and felt 
 a new emotion of love and trust in my Saviour, and I could 
 weep that I have made so little progress. Those days last 
 spring, I can truly call happy days, and I know that I 
 might enjoy far better ones now, and ought to, but for this 
 evil heart." 
 
 " Thursday afternoon. We have had a sweet prayer 
 meeting. These seasons must be improved, for this sum- 
 mer is the last one we may ever spend together. In the 
 fall our beloved H. is to be married, and then we shall no 
 more meet as we have done. 
 
 We are beginning to get strangely accustomed to the 
 scenes of active life. Marriages, and engagements, are 
 almost a matter of course now. But w^e can never be ac- 
 customed to the thought of partings and separations. 
 These are the sad hard things. 
 
 O, my Father, help us all to realize that the thing for 
 which we live is, to glorify thee. That these passing 
 scenes in life are chiefly important, as they help to form 
 our characters, and to fit us for a higher state of being. 
 
 My daily portions of scripture are now about the closing 
 scenes of our Saviour's life ; and this morning I read his 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. X49 
 
 last prayer, that beautiful, touching prayer, which none 
 but the Saviour could pray. And now I commit myself 
 to my Father in Heaven. May he work in me that which 
 is holy and pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ." 
 
 ** Friday mornings Wth. Went last night to hear the 
 Rainer's ; — voices most exquisite, and singing in fine taste. 
 ' Rock'd in the cradle of the deep,' was perhaps the most 
 beautiful. Their native Tyrolese costume, and their sister 
 with her guitar, swung gracefully over her shoulder, added 
 much to the effect. But while such a concert could be 
 attended with truly Christian feeling, I am almost ready to 
 blame myself that I went. I think it is better, on the near 
 approach of the communion, not to attend to any thing 
 which diverts the mind. One so weak as I am, is easily 
 drawn into the world, as this little incident has shown me- 
 I did pray before I went, and the thing was not of my own 
 seeking. 0, my Saviour, wilt thou help me to keep a 
 steadfast mind ; fixed only on thee." 
 
 *' March 13M. Have had in some degree, I trust, a 
 profitable day. I felt during the administration of the sa- 
 crament, that I must live at a ' less dying rate.' I resol- 
 ved to live nearer the Saviour — to look more entirely to 
 him, and to endeavor to feel more the great truths of the 
 gospel ; and this afternoon, while reading and meditating 
 alone, I have had this feeling much deepened. 
 
 1 have been becoming, of late, too well satisfied with 
 my own state — have been contented with going on, having 
 a little pleasant feeling, dropping a word now and then, 
 and have not thought enough of the importance of doing 
 ^ with my might.' I know that calmness is necessary to 
 the profitable performance of duty ; but that heart is the 
 calmest, which is steadily fixed on the one great object of 
 13* 
 
150 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 
 
 following Christ in all things. O, my Saviour, hear thou 
 my prayer for a steadfast heart." 
 
 " Thursday^ April 7th. To-day, Mr. B. gave me a 
 Greek lesson. Oh, why is this heart sickness, when I am 
 reminded of my future course ! 1 love the friends far away, 
 I love their country, I hope I love my work ; but 'tis the 
 thought of leaving this dear, dear place ! O, may my 
 heart feel so great a desire to do good, that I shall feel 
 strong in the thought of separation, looking beyond this 
 life to our happy meeting." 
 
 " Sahbatlii April \Oth. One of the most beautiful days 
 of the season. The buds are fast opening, and the grass is 
 green all over the fields. How lovely is returning spring ! 
 May my heart feel it, and be happy in these delightful 
 days, because it is fixed on Jesus, and on doing his will. 
 I am ready to burst out into praise and grateful joy with 
 every thing around. Every thing speaks a Father's love. 
 I do give up my heart to Jesus, to be devoted entirely to 
 his service. How often I write this in my journal, yet not 
 so often as I feel it. It is my habitual desire to be devoted 
 to him. 
 
 This is my last Sunday before I shall be twenty-one. 
 O, my Saviour, cleanse aw^ay the guilt of the past. My 
 dear father preached from the text, ' I would not live 
 alway,' and I hope that in some little measure, I could 
 enter into the meaning of the sermon. At the close, he 
 read the hymn which expressed the sentiment in the text ; 
 and Mr. M. played as if he felt it, while it was sung most 
 sweetly.'* 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 151 
 
 ^''Monday noon, Wth. Just like a summer's day, re- 
 minding me of Burleigh's exquisite poem on June — 
 
 * Hiding the sunshine in their vapory breast, 
 The clouds float on like spirits to their rest.' 
 
 I have been out walking this morning, and have been op- 
 pressed by this beautiful weather. How true it is, that 
 often, when every thing is bright and beautiful around, our 
 hearts are listless. Perhaps it is because the greatness of 
 the beauty overpowers them, and that they are too con- 
 tracted to take it all in. It is this which makes them so 
 poorly able to take in the sublime truths of Redemption. 
 Yes, our hearts are contracted. O, God, wilt thou open 
 mine, and may I feel as I should on every subject." 
 
 " Friday, April Ibth. I hoped to have spent yesterday 
 as a day of prayer, and fasting, but domestic duties pre- 
 vented ; yet all day my thoughts were more tender than 
 for a long time past. And although my time for medita- 
 tion has been very much broken in upon to-day, yet just 
 before tea, I had a season of prayer, that the sins of the 
 past might be forgiven me, and that I might begin my new 
 year, with entire devotion to God. 
 
 When I look back to the sweet birth-day last year, and 
 think of the mercy that has followed me all the time, how 
 I was permitted to pass a pleasant summer, and how in 
 the fall, when brought to the gates of death, I was raised 
 up again, and carried in peace through the winter ; when 
 I think of the intercourse with beloved friends growing 
 more delightful every day ; and of the many precious sea- 
 sons in private, which, throughout the year, I have enjoyed, 
 I am filled with gratitude. Surely my cup overflows. 
 
 This is the bright side of the picture. On God's side 
 every thing has been mercy. On my own, I can only 
 
152 ^^I^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 write sin, sin, a mere blank. I fear very much that I have 
 let the prevailing lukewarmness around me, influence my 
 feelings also. Should it be thus, with one for whom so 
 much has been done ? And now in taking this solemn 
 review of the past, I can say first of all, that my great sin 
 has been in not striving to live each moment of time for 
 the glory of God. How sweet it would have been to 
 have done this. And secondly, in not leaning entirely on 
 the Saviour for aid, on whom my all depends ; and lastly, 
 1 have not felt as I should with regard to the missionary 
 work, nor willing as I should be to deny myself. This 
 grieves me. Over this I pray in bitterness of heart. Over- 
 these sins I have been mourning. 1 have taken them to 
 my Saviour. O, that he would have pity upon me and 
 remove every sin, and grant that in penitence and peace, 
 1 may close this year, and awake in my new one, with 
 new life," 
 
 ** Saturday, April \Qth. This beautiful morning makes 
 me twenty-one. How sweetly it shines. I look upon 
 the same hills, and soft sky, which one year ago shone so 
 brightly, and many thoughts come stealing over my heart. 
 Twenty-one years ! It is a long time to look back upon. 
 I think of my childhood days, so sweet and happy, of the 
 friends who have risen in my path, and made my life so 
 pleasant, of the blessings innumerable which my Father 
 has showered upon me, and I can only bow down, and in 
 deep repentance for the past, give up my heart to him 
 anew. 
 
 O, God, wilt thou take this life which thou hast spared ; 
 wilt thou grant that throughout each moment of the com- 
 ing year I may be wholly thine, and act only from motives 
 drawn from love to thee, as Father, Saviour and Sanctifier. 
 Thou only canst tell what lines are written for me in the 
 future ; but I have trusted thee in the past ; shall I not 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 153 
 
 also for the coming days ? When I look to this poor way- 
 ward heart, I despair of ever attaining the only worthy 
 end for v/hich to live — but when I look to thee I say, great 
 God all things are possible with thee. And now I do 
 sincerely and unreservedly give up this heart to thee. I 
 feel that I shall be safe under thy eternal guidance — and 
 supremely blessed, if I may be under thy control, through- 
 out every moment of this life. May my «m be single. 
 May self be put far away. May I live with direct refer- 
 ence to Jesus, and the concerns of his kingdom, striving 
 that my every act may tend to its furtherance in this world. 
 This is my prayer. May it be heard only through Christ. 
 Have received beautiful birth-day remembrances from 
 some of my friends. May I live so truly to Jesus, as to 
 be worthy of their love. 
 
 April 17t/i. After going to S. S. where I met my dear 
 class, who all appeared interested, unusually so, in what 
 we talked about, I felt so fatigued that 1 came home, and 
 here by the study window I have been thinking, and look- 
 ing over my last year, and praying too. 
 
 O, I thank God for many things I find in the retrospect, 
 and mourn over many things also. 
 
 I have very many feelings of the past now in my heart. 
 This birth-day has called them up, and I have been com- 
 paring them with my present feelings. 
 
 I fear that last year, I let my religion assume a too 
 poetic character — rather dreamy — looking too much for 
 natural beauties, and letting my thoughts be governed by 
 the world of beauty which was around. I thank God that 
 he made me to receive enjoyment from every thing in na- 
 ture ; that he gave me a spirit to respond to all the loveli- 
 ness around ; but I desire, that as my mind has been open 
 to impressions from natural objects, it may be now open 
 
154 ^^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 to those far more glorious objects that exist in the spiritual 
 world, of which Christ and his great work are the founda- 
 tion. And I humbly hope this may be the character of my 
 meditations this year. 0, my Saviour, open my heart to 
 these blessed truths. 
 
 The day is uncommonly fine, the air is bland, and the 
 bird notes exquisite. My heart loves these. Yes, I may 
 love them. ' Love not these the less,^ but God and Christ 
 more. I feel that I am in danger of placing these first. It 
 must be God and Christ first. 
 
 I must now try to form some kind of plan for the sum- 
 mer. My studies this winter have been very light, and I 
 have not done much, as my health requires I should live 
 easily. 
 
 I shall endeavour to spend some time over Greek and 
 French every day. O, I rejoice that my mind feels more 
 interested in the Mission cause. This has been my great 
 trouble, that, when God was so graciously pleased to call 
 me into his vineyard, that I, instead of leaping and taking 
 hold of the work, should have had so many misgivings 
 about it. I can only go and mourn before Jesus, and 
 ask him to forgive the past, and give me a heart to feel for 
 poor lost souls. 
 
 I can rejoice now in a little better spirit. 0, my Saviour, 
 keep that which thou hast put into this heart. It is all of 
 grace. Yes, every thing is of grace. I have more reason 
 to feel this than any one else,' for I hdve sinned against 
 greater light and greater love. I do now, rest all my de- 
 pendence on the Saviour. I cannot look away from him 
 one moment. Iwill keep in his presence — there alone is 
 life and safety. 
 
 The principles I laid down last December, I desire 
 should govern me now that my plan will have to be differ- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. I55 
 
 ent. Indeed I cannot form one quite yet, until I look 
 round and see what is to be done. My letters from the 
 East tell me many things, and throw light on the prepara- 
 tion for my work. May I have strength for all that needs 
 to be done. 
 
 Thursday, 20th. Most lovely, sunshine all around, 
 and music of the birds very sweet. These beautiful days 
 should fill our hearts with gratitude. 
 
 Yesterday went to the Consecration of St. John's 
 Church ! A beautiful gothic, j^et not equal to the old one. 
 The scene was imposing and solemn. The priests in their 
 robes kneeling in the chancel and round the altar, made a 
 beautiful picture, and carried my thoughts back to the old 
 Romish days, when 
 
 ' The marble floor was swept 
 By many a long dark stole,' 
 
 And then the glorious strains of the organ swelling along 
 the arches, made my very heart leap. There is that in the 
 forms of the church, which is exceedingly imposing, and 
 there is thrown a veil of both poetry and mystery over 
 its rites which fascinates the eye of the imagination. 
 Oh, yes, it does fascinate, and there is the danger. 'T is 
 a veil to hide the simplicit}^, and, to the unrenewed mind, 
 the severity of religion. It throws around the plain self- 
 denying, humbling precepts of the Gospel, a drapery very 
 graceful and beautiful, and having also a devout air, the 
 mind becomes contented to rest in it, without looking 
 deeper for the spirit and power of godliness. I have in- 
 deed the best reason for believing that there are many pious 
 and sincere worshippers in that church, but that its peculiar 
 forms and tenets, have the tendency to foster pride, and 
 quiet the conscience, I have also very good reason to be- 
 lieve. 
 
156 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 The service of yesterday made a deep impression on 
 my mind. 1 am glad I went. It may be useful to me here- 
 after, and help to form my opinion of matters and things. 
 I fear 1 was too much taken up with mere curiosity, and 
 did not pray as I should, that that place of worship might 
 be the gate of heaven to many souls. Yet so much of the 
 service seemed merely formal that my curiosity was exci- 
 ted more than any thing else. 
 
 " Tuesday, 26th. Feel deeply the state of beginning de- 
 clension. Last year, how different we were. All inter- 
 ested and happy in the love of God. Now we are cold. 
 * O Lord, wilt Thou not revive us again ?' Thought 
 yesterday morning of asking a few friends to a special 
 prayer meeting and spoke to one about it. And now I 
 pray for a blessing on this plan. May it succeed, and 
 our meeting on Thursday warm our hearts and turn again 
 our backslidings. Many of the dear girls joined the church 
 at our communion in May, last year. The coming sab- 
 bath, is the anniversary of that event. They will grieve 
 that it finds them so little advanced. 
 
 Saturday, April 3Gth. The evening before our holy 
 communion has at last come, — and beautifully its light is 
 fading, while a sweet bird is singing his vesper song among 
 the blossoms. My work in the early morning, and after, 
 wards, with my singing and drawing school, has wearied me 
 and I sat at home this afternoon sewing and thinking. It 
 was beautiful without — the sun shining brightly and green- 
 ness and freshness all around. I have some sweet thoughts, 
 and all this week have been more than usually tender, 
 but I have not that sweet peace I enjoyed last year at this 
 time. I can not tell to what it is owing. Outward things 
 affect me much less than formerly, and I have nothing to 
 trouble me. Yet my heart does not flow forth freely and 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 157 
 
 gladly, delighting in doing God's will, aod resting in the 
 sunshine of His face. Yet I think I feel nnore willing to 
 give up every earthly thing. I can call God my Saviour. 
 I do love him. O for a heart that entirely rests in Him. 
 I can tell my Saviour all my wants and He will help 
 me. 
 
 Sabbath evening May^ 1st. A delightful sabbath with- 
 in and around, and I do bless God for it. Since meeting, 
 a thunder storm has been refreshing the earth, but now it 
 is clearing, and the sun is gilding with a most peculiar 
 crimson light, the trees and chimneys and masts of vessels, 
 and a soft glow is cast over the eastern sky, as the 
 clouds are passing away. Oh, how lovely is nature in all 
 her moods ! A flood of amber streams around the setting 
 sun ; and now I can see a faint bow just where the hills 
 are peeping out of the mist. Bright and lovely even in 
 tears this fair earth always seems. I shall love it till my 
 latest hour. But O, there is a more glorious one where 
 the redeemed shall dwell — one which shall never lose its 
 freshness and beauty — on which the eye can feast and 
 never grow weary. 
 
 That sweet bow, just in the spot where I gazed -oftenest, 
 just over those hills I have watched most — did it not mean 
 something for me ? I will learn its lesson of hope. Though 
 these earthly scenes are hidden from our view, there are 
 others more lovely, more spiritual, to be discerned by the 
 eye of faith, and I will turn to them, for they can give me 
 more true happiness. 
 
 The communion I did enjoy, it was refreshing. I 
 
 thought over the whole year so full of mercy to me — 
 
 and I can say with thankfulness that I have enjoyed more 
 refreshing seasons in my devotions at home, more comfort 
 in the ordinances of the gospel, especially in the commuije 
 14 
 
J58 MKS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP; 
 
 ion, more quiet in my sabbaths, than ever before, and I 
 can add, than in all my life put together. 
 
 I did give my poor heart all away this day at the com- 
 munion, and now I do it again. I want to have more con- 
 versation of a Christian nature — and this has been turned 
 nto a resolution. 
 
 Tuesday^ May Sd. Yesterday in looking over the 
 •* Missionary Herald," thought how much need of self de- 
 nial on our part to carry forward the great plans, for the 
 promotion of Christ's kingdom. I thought much of this 
 yesterday. Oh how much I need a heart filled with be- 
 nevolence and ready to do my all in this work, which I can 
 not but feel to be glorious, and alone worthy the energies 
 of an immortal being. I pray God that He will so direct 
 me, and so fill me with his love, that all I am and have 
 may be devoted to Him, without one selfish reservation. 
 
 Wednesday 4M. After dinner walked to Aunt M 's 
 
 found a May day party there. I had hoped they would 
 have defered their crowning till a warmer day, but there 
 they were, and in spite of the showers they were a merry 
 
 and beautiful group. S , their lovely queen, fairer 
 
 than most of her companions, did the honors of her station, 
 with grace and dignity. Her wreath was beautiful, and they 
 had all shown much taste in the arrangement. It brought 
 to my mind the time when I was a little girl, crowning 
 May queens in that same grove. I went and played with 
 them and tried to be young again among their bright faces. 
 
 To Mrs. Fitch. 
 
 Hartford J May 16th, 1842. 
 '* My very dear 31r^. Fitch. Your note, so full of kind 
 words, deserved an earlier answer; but you know that to 
 you, I do not need to make apologies. I should have writ- 
 
J&RS. MARY E. '^'AN LiENNEf*. ISC) 
 
 ten a very plain matter-of-fact sort of note last week, and 
 I should have told you that you certainly mistook my char- 
 acter in supposing I was looking forward with very bright 
 anticipations — but I have since then received a letter from 
 the East, and after the reception of every letter, I find my 
 heart looking forward more and more. And yet, my dear 
 Mrs. Fitch, though I make this confession to you, I feel 
 that I do not anticipate so much as you seem to think I do. 
 I do not dare to build my hopes of happiness on any thing 
 which 'is in this world, for I feel too deeply in my own 
 heart, that this life, however happy, cannot satisfy. 
 
 1 am free now from any morbid sense of the vanity of 
 this world, and I should be the last one to ' plant yews and 
 cypresses' on the path-way through life, for I shall ever feel 
 that there is enough of enjoyment mingled with the sad»- 
 ness, to make this state of being far more than passable— 
 and to the Christian it surely need not be a gloomy way ; 
 for while he passes on trusting in his God, there is many 
 a ray of sunshine, and many a bright star, to light him to 
 his home. But I do feel that there is nothing earthly on 
 which we can place our dependence for happiness. And 
 is not the true difference between the worldling and the 
 Christian this ? The latter may enjoy many things which 
 the former does, but while he enjoys them he looks to a 
 higher source, and feels that his portion is more enduring. 
 I pray God that I may take the good and evil just as it 
 comes, patiently submitting to the one, and thankfully 
 enjoying the other, and striving to do his will, whatever it 
 may be." 
 
160 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNER 
 
 To one of her early friends. 
 
 Hartford^ July 5th, 1842. 
 
 *' My dear A. Since I heard of your marriage, I have 
 wanted to send you my most sincere wishes for your 
 increasing happiness, I little thought while your bridal 
 day was passing, what was then taking place ; and even 
 now I can scarcely realize that you are no longer A. R. 
 
 And so you are now a wife, a happy one too, I imagine, 
 rejoicing in the love of one who is more to you than all the 
 world beside. My prayers have gone up to heaven for 
 you, that God's blessing ma}^ be upon your union ; that 
 he may direct you in all your future path. Wherever 
 your future lot niay be cast, may his eye watch over you, 
 guarding you from every evil ; leading you to choose him 
 as your everlasting portion. 
 
 I did not think when you left my sick chamber last No- 
 vember, that I was bidding my good bye to A. R. Had I 
 known it, my dear friend, I should have urged you, even 
 more strongly than I then did, to have settled one subject, 
 which has for a long time been pressing on your attention ; 
 that so God might have been with you as your friend, in 
 the important step you have taken. But it is not too late 
 now. Can you not, joined by him with whom your destiny 
 is linked forever, now in the commencement of your mar- 
 ried life, give up to God, your Father and Redeemer, the 
 hearts which should be his, and devote your lives to his 
 blessed service } These are not mere words, dear A. I 
 write what are the deepest feelings of my heart. You 
 may have all the happiness which this wopld can give, and 
 yet without love to God^ you will find in the end that you 
 have trusted for happiness in something which cannot sat- 
 isfy an immortal being. But I believe that you are willing 
 to assent to all this. The trouble with you has seemed to 
 
MfRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. IQ] 
 
 be, that you could not do what you felt was required of 
 you. I wish I could make it seem plain to you. It does 
 seem to my mind the simplest, the easiest and the most 
 blessed thing in the world, to give up the heart to the con- 
 trol of God, and by daily looking to him fox strength to 
 conquer our corrupt inclinations, to grow in every thing 
 which will m.ake us like him. The act is one of simple, 
 delightful trust, in one who knows just what we need. 
 You have your Bible, dear A. ; you can go to that. You 
 will Bot forget, I am persuaded, in the midst of all the 
 scenes through which you are now moving, that you have 
 higher and more important interests, which demand your 
 most serious attention. 
 
 I feel, my dear friend, that it is a fearful as well as a 
 blessed thing to live in these days. It is a time in which 
 we cannot take neutral ground ; we must either take otar 
 stand as defenders of the truth, or shut our eyes to it, and 
 foe against it. Will you not inquire for yourself where right 
 is ? Do not be content to glide on with those who are 
 around you, but ask yourself, ' are they right r Take 
 your Bible, dear A., and in view of the glorious things 
 which are being accomplished in these latter times, ask 
 God to direct your course in life, that so it may be onward 
 and upward, and brightened by his approving smile. You 
 are now in the busy scenes of life ; no longer a young, 
 careless girl, acting without any thought or fear of the fu- 
 ture, but engaged in more sober duties, which will tell on 
 your everlasting condition. 
 
 May God bless and keep you. My heart is almost too 
 full to write, wbile I think how years may pass away, and 
 i shall hear but little of that early friend with whom many 
 happy hours were passed. Our spheres will be widely 
 different. May we each pass our days in the love and ser^ 
 vice of our God, and at last, may we meet in joy, to mi«i- 
 14* 
 
IQ2 ^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 gle our anthems of praise ' unto him who has loved us, and 
 washed us in his own blood,' and hath redeemed us from 
 sin. Yes, to that glorious Redeemer, may it be our eter- 
 nal happiness to ascribe all honor and glory. Good bye^ 
 my dear friend, my heart often prays for you. 
 
 Your truly affectionate j M." 
 
 % To the samei 
 
 Hartford, July 21st, 1842. 
 ^' I feel, dear A., in parting from you, more than I can 
 express. You are going to a far distant land, where the 
 gospel ordinances to which you have been accustomed, 
 will no more be present to draw you to God. You will be 
 where the religion of your fathers is despised. Dear A.^ 
 may the Lord keep you, and place around you his protect- 
 ing arm, so that the adversary shall have no power to harm 
 you. Your future course, perhaps, does not look to you 
 as it does to me. I have deeply felt, ever since I knew 
 you were going to , the coldness that would imper- 
 ceptibly creep over you in regard to spiritual things. They 
 \Vill not be the less important because you may be insen- 
 sible to themi The world may draw you into its whirl, 
 until you forget that there was a time in your youth when 
 you felt the importance of having a portion in the Saviour^ 
 and the scenes in which you will mingle may so engross 
 your thoughts, that the whispers of God's spirit will not 
 arouse you. But there will still be a God in heaven, 
 whose eye will follow you, and the day of account will be 
 feVer drawing nearer and nearer. Dear A., there may come 
 a time when the world shall be unfolded to you in its true 
 light, when you shall see it is not worthy of your soul. 
 O, then, when weary and sick at heart of its vanities, will 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 163 
 
 you not remember the Saviour, whose love it may not then 
 be too late to receive. 
 
 I know not how to close, dear A. I feel more than I 
 can tell you. I shall pray for you ' without ceasing.' May 
 God give you his blessing, and follow you in every path 
 you may take. 
 
 I have one little favor to ask, my dear A., in parting. 
 This little ^ Daily Food,' 1 want to give you, with the re- 
 quest, that you will learn a verse each day, and think that 
 your friend M. is learning the same. It will be a pleas- 
 ant bond of union when the ocean wave rolls between us, 
 to know that the same portion of scripture is the comfort 
 of each. Farewell — God bless you. 
 
 Ever yours, M." 
 
 Journal. 
 
 " Tuesday evenings August 30M. Once more in my 
 dear New Haven home, after a week full of interest. Last 
 Monday evening, in company with Dr. and Mrs. F., left 
 this place for Philadelphia. The full moon was shining 
 most gloriously over the dark waters of the sound. When 
 we were fairly started, I began to feel that we were really 
 going to our friends. It was too warm for sleep, and all 
 night, as I lay in my berth, 1 could look out upon the 
 waves and see the distant lights on the sound ; and I con- 
 tinually thought of that song, <- Rock'd in the cradle of the 
 deep.' Early morning found us at New York. After 
 breakfasting on board, we went to the ferry to take the cars 
 for Philadelphia. Saw, in crossing the ferry, the British 
 ship ' War Spite,' a noble vessel. I had made up my mind 
 to look at every thing I could, and to learn all I could ; and 
 certainly there never was a journey better fitted for the 
 furtherance of such a purpose than that. 
 
i64 ^ilS. MARY E. VAN LENNEl?. 
 
 The day was uncommonly fine. The clouds floated over 
 the deep blue sky, and were reflected from the waters be- 
 neath. It was a day of beauty and of glory. Our ride in 
 the cars was full of interest to me. Every thing seemed 
 novel. We passed through many places, and I enjoyed 
 looking in the highest degree. Then we took the boat at 
 Bordentown, and passed down the noble Delaware. 'Tis 
 a most beautiful river, lined with green trees, and verdant 
 meadows, and then the country seats and villages peeping 
 out, were so picturesque, I was never tired of gazing at 
 them. 
 
 I shall never forget the beauty of that day — the light 
 sails floating on that sunny river— -the soft clouds above 
 us — the lovely scenery all around— peaceful, but never 
 grand. We were approaching Bridesburg, and sat anx- 
 iously looking for the boat, which was to take us onshore* 
 It was a pleasant change from our large steamer into that 
 little boat, and to skip lightly over the water to the shore, 
 where Mr. D. was waiting for us. I was overjoyed to 
 reach that place, to which I had looked forward so often; 
 but it was far more beautiful than I thought. 
 
 I have no words to describe Pine Grove, the residence of 
 Mr. D. The old venerable trees, tall, so tall they seemed 
 to rest upon the sky, — the house, so antique, and just the 
 one to people with visitants from the spirit land,— the beau* 
 tiful opening to the river — the willows sweeping their long 
 branches over the lawn-— all combined to make it one of 
 the finest places 1 ever saw. Then the perfect stillness 
 reigning there — for the grounds are arranged, so as to hide 
 every other house, even the most distant ; and it seems as 
 if there was no house within a mile. I stood by the win- 
 dow, gazing out upon its beauty. Never before had such 
 majestic trees greeted my eye. We were all entranced, 
 and dear Mr. and Mrs. D. enjoyed our delight. Of the 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 165 
 
 happy days spent there, I can say but little. The remem- 
 brance of those friends, will live like a fresh fountain of 
 gladness in my heart ; and of them I need no pen and ink 
 memento. 
 
 Thursday was very !3eautiful. Rode to the various 
 scenes of interest around the city. We saw in German- 
 town, old mansions, which must have stood before the 
 revolution — and went through the valley of W., a most 
 wild and romantic spot. Then to Laurel Hill, the Ceme- 
 tery on the Schuylkill, with its beautiful trees and solemn 
 monuments — a most interesting spot. The monuments in 
 white marble were exquisite ; one of a little boy sleeping. 
 Another, a rose stalk with six buds, in memory of a 
 mother with her children resting there." 
 
 *' Thursday, Oct. 13th. I have been looking over my 
 state of mind for the past few months, and I felt that a day 
 spent in this manner, and in forming such an estimate of 
 the duties to which I must attend, this coming season, 
 would not be unprofitable. My time has indeed been bro- 
 ken in upon very much since the warm weather commen- 
 ced. Constant company until the last week in July, i Then 
 I prepared to go to New Haven, and the third of August 
 found me there. Four weeks spent most delightfully in 
 New Haven and Philadelphia, passed quickly away. 
 
 Thursday, the 15th of September, M. and S. W. spent 
 with me. In the evening, their brother T. came in, and 
 after staying a short time, took his sisters to pass the eve- 
 ning at his cousins. Little did we think it was the last 
 time he would pass our door. Friday morning, early, the 
 girls were up, for M. was to start for Salem. We parted 
 with kind and happy words, and no thought of the bitter 
 to-morrow sent its shadow over us. 
 
 After dinner on Saturday, came the sad, dreadful shock. 
 
156 MES. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Poor W, and another young man were drowned. Myste- 
 rious and deeply afflictive this bereavement has been. 
 After tea, went and staid with S. all night. Sabbath was 
 a day long to be remembered. Oh, it seemed to us all, as 
 if life never could be any thing again. The body was car- 
 ried to Wethersfield at noon. A prayer was made by my 
 father at the house, before its removal. Never can we 
 forget that day. May we all remember the impressions 
 which sank into our souls, while we stood around the bier 
 of him who was so lately with us, in all the tlow of life and 
 health. He was the only son of his widowed mother. 
 This solemn event saddened us all, and the approaching 
 wedding, where he was to have been, could not call back 
 our thoughts to gaiety." 
 
 " Wednesday, Sept. 21.9^, was dear H.'s bridal day. 
 Spent the morning there to assist in arranging flowers, &c. 
 When I went again at evening, they were just putting on 
 her veil. There she stood for the last time as H. D. She 
 was very calm, and looked most beautifully. Then we 
 descended to the librar}^, where Mr. P. and our grooms- 
 men waited, and we prepared to go into the parlor — pin- 
 ned on the white favors, and all was ready. I felt what 
 could not be put in words during the ceremony, and prayed 
 with my whole heart for their happiness, in the path in 
 which they should walk. Then came the wedding party, 
 and we were in a crowd of company, while H. met them 
 all with sweet dignity and grace." 
 
 *' Nov. (ith. Our Communion, We have passed a pre- 
 cious Sabbath. My heart rests itself, and all its interests, 
 on my Saviour ; and I can look in and around, and feel 
 calm in the thought of his love, of all my blessings, of all 
 the gracious things in his kingdom, and in our eternal home. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 167 
 
 My communioDs will be few in this dear place, but may 
 they prepare me for the more perfect communion in heaven. 
 Since tea, spent an hour in prayer for all the dear friends 
 who appointed to meet with me. What a comfort to re- 
 member them, though far from us. Oh, God is full of 
 mercy to grant me these blessings. 
 
 And now I commit all my cares to God. My desire is, 
 to do all I can for him. Forgetting self. — persevering in 
 what 1 begin— feeling humble — trusting in my Saviour. 
 These are my resolves. Oh, for grace and strength." 
 
 '* Nov. Thanksgiving day. There are many thoughts 
 in my mind. I have been thinking all the morning of the 
 innumerable mercies which crown my life. I have bless- 
 ings in friends, in opportunities for improvement, both men- 
 tal and moral, in ways of usefulness, and last, though not 
 least, blessings in a spiritual sense. There are mingled 
 feelings this day. 
 
 Great God, thou art pouring upon my poor, unworthy 
 head, such blessings as fill me with shame, when 1 think 
 of my poor improvement of them. Wilt thou give me 
 strength to use them all in the way which will best glorify 
 
 thee. 
 
 One thing fills me with anxiety. Not one of all my 
 dear friends, who were not Christians last year, have be- 
 come so this. Some of those over whom I have prayed, 
 are interested in religion, and will, 1 trust, show in future, 
 that their attention is not transient. But some who are 
 dear to me, remain yet away from Christ. O, may I work 
 ' while the day lasts, with a becoming zeal and untiring 
 spirit of love, for those over whom I have influence ; and 
 may I, should another thanksgiving find me in this world, 
 have the joy of seeing my desires fulfilled, in beholding 
 them safe in thy fold. 
 
168 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 This may be the last I shall ever spend in this dear home 
 of the pilgrims. But ever shall I praise God, that he cast 
 my lot in this land, — in these New England scenes, among 
 these glorious privileges. 
 
 And now, in view of all my blessings, I come and with 
 grateful heart commit all my way unto the Lord, fully per- 
 suaded that he will do all things rightly with regard to the 
 future. I can say that my chief desire is, so to use the 
 good and the ill, I may yet receive from his hand, that he 
 may be glorified, and his own perfect will be fulfilled with 
 regard to me. 
 
 My dear father gave us a delightful sermon — * Who 
 maketh thee to differ ?' Just the right kind of sermon for 
 the day, and the best way to make us feel truly grateful. 
 When he closed with the earnest hope and prayer for the 
 continued prosperity of our beloved country, and looked 
 forward too to the time in which we should meet around 
 that throne, where no sin would mingle with the voices of 
 praise, my whole soul responded its amen to all, and I felt 
 I could gladly go forth from my native land, to labor and 
 die on a foreign soil, and cheerfully could trust my dearest 
 interests in the hand of God. 
 
 Immediately upon the close of his sermon, the last word 
 scarcely dying from his lips, the full organ swelled, and 
 the choir struck up the anthem, * Blessing and honor, glory 
 and power, be unto him who sitteth on the throne, and 
 unto the Lamb, forever and ever.' 
 
 When I went to my room at night, I felt that it was the 
 pleasantest thanksgiving season I had ever enjoyed, 
 
 Dec. 4:th. Talked with my dear mother of the future, 
 and had happy thoughts of our parting, and of my future 
 work. Much impressed with what Charlotte Elizabeth 
 says of private journals. She thinks they cannot be faith- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 169 
 
 ful, and may deceive us. Oh, may this not injure me ! 
 I write for the fixing in my mind events which I shall love 
 to recall, and 1 pray God I may never, by reading these 
 pages, be led to indulge a self complacent spirit. Let me 
 remember the sins which I have but imperfectly noticed, 
 and while they look me in the face, may I seek for peace 
 only through Jesus." 
 
 " Thursday^ 8tk, 4 P. M, I thank God for putting it 
 into my mind to keep this afternoon of the week, as a time 
 for meditation, and the special reading of the Bible. I 
 have commenced studying the Bible anew, and can truly 
 say that I find pleasure and profit thus far. If I look to 
 God, he can give me such knowledge as I need. jNIay I 
 find him here in this season ! I long to know the truths 
 which lie hidden in his word, and I have been praying for 
 light, and also that 1 miglit come fully under Divine injlu' 
 cnce, and be in all things subjected to God's holy will." 
 
 " Sabbath evening, Dec. ISth. These precious days 
 which are passing, how can I improve them aright ? When 
 life is only for once, and is so short, how full of importance ! 
 Eternity only will make us realize these things. But I 
 long here to see things as they are. What I want is a true 
 interest in the souls of my impenitent friends. I feel that 
 I have not yet learned the way to pray and labor for them, 
 and I am trying now to find out what Jesus would have me 
 do. Something seems to me wrong, for I have been pray- 
 ing a long time, and yet see no results. And oh, the time 
 is so short !" 
 
 " Fast day, Dec. 30th, 1842. In reviewing the year, 
 I can truly say, ^ goodness and mercy have followed me 
 all the way j' and while I am deeply conscious of my own 
 15 
 
170 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ill desert, 1 hope I do dot deceive myself, in thinking,_that 
 I am on the whole in a better state, than when I wrote my 
 fast day account one year ago. 1 would hope that there 
 is some more steadfastness ; not so much blown about, that 
 1 am some nearer Christ, and feel his dying love some 
 more, and the preciousness of redemption. I have had 
 my mind turned more to the Holy Spirit of late ; and I 
 do hope I feel better about my missionary work. Yes, I 
 do thank God that it does seem delightful to be engaged 
 for Christ, and working in his vineyard, wherever he ap- 
 points. 1 hope I feel a desire to go wherever he directs 
 me, and do whatever he thinks best, and if he would only 
 go with me, that 1 would be willing to go far away for the 
 sake of his cause. 
 
 There is a change, but oh, the work is far from com- 
 plete, and yet, that it is begun, is cause for joy ; and I will 
 continue to trust my Saviour, and look more earnestly to 
 him alone, and ask him to search my heart, to root out all 
 evil, and fit me to do his holy will. If in any thing I am 
 more peaceful, and am better in my feelings, it is all owing 
 to the grace of God. Oh, I thank him, forbearing so long 
 with me, for preserving my life and my privileges to me. J 
 am resolved to keep my eye fixed on Jesus. Each year 
 makes him more precious, and shows me more clearly, that 
 he is my only hope. I am ready to sink without him, but 
 his love does encourage me to continue the conflict. One 
 side of the picture looks dark, but the other does look 
 bright ; but I will look alone to Jesus, who can make all 
 bricrht." 
 
 o 
 
 " Saturday, Dec, ^Ist. Yesterday was a good day. 
 Our church in a good state, and some encouragement to 
 hope for a revival. On God's side all is ready ; may he 
 take every obstacle from our hearts. The prayers were 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 171 
 
 solemn, and the crowded room seemed filled with the pres- 
 ence of God. 
 
 It may be the blessing waits even now. God knowS 
 what the year will bring. My prayer is, O let me be fully 
 
 devoted to Jesus and his cause, and may my be a 
 
 Christian. Yet my desires stop not with his conversion ; 
 my dear class, my friends, this dear people, the whole world. 
 How sweet to think, that though our fondest projects may 
 fail, yet Jesus' cause will go on, and will come to a com- 
 plete accomplishment. Yes, ' The kingdoms of this world 
 will become the kingdoms of our Lord and of his Christ, 
 and he shall reign.' And in this kingdom let me and my 
 dear friends cast ail our interests." 
 
 " Jan. \st^ 1843. This morning was our communion, 
 and it did seem pleasant to have it come on the first day 
 of the year. We sang ' Our God our help in ages past,' a 
 sublime hymn, and ' On Jordan's stormy banks I stand.' 
 My dear father's sermon was from Colos. 1 : 12 ; showing 
 what was necessary in order to be prepared for the happi- 
 ness of heaven. I could answer all the solemn tests with 
 some satisfaction. 
 
 It was sweet to be around His table, and I did enter with 
 my whole soul into the consecration of myself to Christ ; 
 and I did pray, that when the year came round again, I 
 might be engaged for him far away among the heathen. 
 These precious privileges, these dear friends, are very dear 
 to me, but I do hope I can leave them all, and I pray God 
 that I may not be in the slightest thing deceived about my 
 state. I have resolved to go no step alone. I consecrate 
 to Jesus, my timcy my studies, my Jriends, my earthly 
 store, and ask him to guide me every moment. O, he 
 whose love brought him to die for us, will he not give us 
 all things necessary to enable us to live for him. O, I know 
 
172 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 he will. My only resolution, or rather all my resolutions, 
 are comprised in this one thing, ^ trust in Christ, daily and 
 hourly.^ 
 
 My class were all present this morning. We spent our 
 hour in serious personal conversation. 1 talked with each 
 one of my dear girls, and tried to get them to begin this 
 day to do right. I have trembling hope for three. May 
 God guide each one. I fear they may be suddenly called 
 away. May I be faithful the little time that remains. 
 
 And now I give up myself, and all my dear friends, and 
 my interests to Jesus, praying that this may be a year of 
 the right hand of the Most High ; that his kingdom may 
 come, not only here, but in all our world. Amen. 
 
 I must notice the beautiful day which smiles upon us. 
 The sky is bright and softly blue, and the snow lies upon 
 the ground, and gives a sweet, home-like aspect to all the 
 dwellings around. Yes, ail is calm and bright and beauti- 
 ful. My Father makes it all. And he who makes the 
 natural world so lovely, is making the moral world shine 
 brighter and brighter, and all the dark clouds of pollution 
 shall be chased away. One thing I like, and 'tis that I am 
 learning to read the revealed word of God, as v^eli as the 
 nataralword, and I am thankful that I am beginning better 
 to comprehend and love its sacred pages. 
 
 I must notice also, that on Saturday, I received from my 
 dear friends, such a testimonial of their love and interest in 
 me, and of their love to the cause in which I hope we are 
 all engaged, that I was overwhelmed with emotions. How 
 sweet to have these dear friends, and sweet to spend an 
 eternity in heaven with them." 
 
 " Jan. Idth. I have refrained from writing in my 
 journal, because it wearied me — but I think these few 
 weeks have been among the most interesting of my life. I 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 173 
 
 wish I had a connected account of recent events, for I should 
 love to remember them when far away. I intended to 
 have squared off old accounts the last year, and begun 
 afresh in my journal, but many duties prevented. On Fri- 
 day, Jan. 6th, I was invited to spend an evening in a large 
 circle of friends, where they were to dance. I felt sorry 
 to have these circles just now, when we are hoping that 
 there is a little revival. Could not go — feared I was get- 
 ting severe. O, to think of my setting up for a censor! 
 It troubled me to stand aloof from my friends, and to be 
 obliged to show them I did not approve of dancing. Sev- 
 eral times of late have been so tried — very few of my 
 friends think as I do. In time past I have had much per- 
 plexity, and much thought on the subject, but my mind is 
 made up. 
 
 Sabbath, heard a solemn sermon from father. * He is 
 joined to his idols, let him alone.' 
 
 After dinner, as I sat in my room, mother opened the 
 door, and told me with tears in herej'^es, that F. had come 
 to see father, completely overcome, in an agony of feeling, 
 impressed during the sermon. How I then hoped with 
 trembling. I could only pray — and when I thought how 
 many conflicting feelings were in his heart, the pride, the 
 world, I could hardly believe it would be possible for him 
 to change. But what is impossible with man, is possible 
 with God. 
 
 On Tuesday evening, on returning from the lecture, we 
 found F. with my mother, in the parlor. But how chan- 
 ged ! Gentle, subdued — his voice tender, and he appeared 
 completely absorbed in the one subject. Mother had been 
 reading to him, and he had been several times in tears. 
 As he retired with my father for private conversation, we 
 spent the time in trembling thought and prayer. I could 
 only think of this verse, and it was in my mind, with a 
 15* 
 
174 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 power before unknown, — ' With God all things are possi- 
 ble, but not with man.' 
 
 That night, at evening worship, some expressions of my 
 father's showed, that he hoped that F. had at last found 
 rest. 0,this was too good to be believed ! That F. was 
 now a Christian — a ransomed one — could it be true ? That 
 night, the prayers of months, of two years, had been gra- 
 ciously, most wonderfully, most sweetly answered. I 
 speak not of my own prayers. Too much sin had been in 
 mine, for me to hope much in regard to them. But others 
 had prayed. There had been some, who had had their 
 thoughts turned particularly to this stranger in our midst. 
 Has not God something for him to do ? How wonderful 
 is his working !" 
 
 " Thursday^ Vlth. F. came in, so happy, so changed, 
 that I could not believe it was he. He gave us some ac- 
 count of his feelings. The case is truly wonderful. May 
 God give him grace to hold out. He played and sang, 
 ' Return, O wanderer, return,' — told how unworthy he 
 was, how wonderful it was that God should change his 
 heart of sin. His eyes were full of tears many times. He 
 could not think of Jesus' wonderful love, without thinking 
 of his own sins. ' He long'd to devote his all to him.' 
 Said ' it was the sweetest enjoyment to kneel down and 
 
 pray ;' ' to take his Bible and read.' All looked well 
 
 still, felt how much he needed God's strength, to keep him 
 from falling. 
 
 On Wednesday, the 18th, T. called to see my father. 
 She was indulging a hope — was impressed by the same 
 sermon,* and same part which had affected F. Surely 
 God is wonderful in working. She is very intelligent, and 
 
 * ♦ He is joined to his idols, let him alone.' 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 175 
 
 the workings of her mind are very deep. Had a few words 
 with her. She told me how differently she felt towards 
 me from what she used to. She once almost hated me, 
 because I wrote her a religious note in school. I had for- 
 gotten the circumstance. It was some years since — five, 
 I think." 
 
 " Wednesday, 25th. This day is set apart by the North 
 and Centre Churches, as a day of fasting and prayer. We 
 need such a season very much, for we feel our churches are 
 not in the best state for a revival. We are hoping and 
 praying, and doing something, but we feel that we need to 
 be converted anew ourselves, before v/e can enter, as we 
 should, into the work. It is very evident that God is ready 
 to bless us, if we do not, by our coldness, hold him back. 
 Oh ! this must not be I" 
 
 To M. S. 
 
 SahhatJi, Jan. 29th, 1843. 
 ** My dear M. I have felt, this morning, that I must 
 write you a note just as we used to do long ago. Does it 
 not seem as if God has a blessing for our classes, if we will 
 only be faithful, and pray and labor without fainting. May 
 he give us strength, and the willing earnest mind, to en- 
 gage in all that he points out for us. We can commit these 
 dear children to him, and beseech him to receive them as 
 his own. But O, I tremble, lest w^e may not feel and act 
 as we ought. Dear M., let us continue to join our prayers 
 for their conversion. I am sure w^e may pray with the 
 expectation of a blessing ; for does not Jesus love their 
 souls far better than vre do ? Yes, and we pray to one who 
 not only loves, but who has given himself to die for them, 
 for us all. He can raise us from our ruin, and make us free 
 
176 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 from sin. Oh, blessed emancipation ! To be free from 
 sin ! from all which separates our souls from him who is 
 the fountain of holiness and life." 
 
 Journal. 
 
 " Monday^ Jan. 30;/«. The reading, yesterday, of 
 'Edwards' Life,' has awakened new feelings, and caused 
 me much sorrow. I found my love to God and Christ so 
 far below his, that I determined to go directly and search 
 the matter out in my heart, and see whether I had any 
 reason to hope, and whether I had not been deceived all 
 my life. 
 
 I have had a solemn and heart-searching time. I have 
 been in bitterness of spirit, but I am glad and only glad 
 that I read this book. I long to be a whole Christian, not 
 a half, undecided one. Oh ! how dishonorable to God, 
 how ungrateful to the Saviour who died for me. Some- 
 times I think I have not yet seen enough of myself, and 
 these trials are to show me. I think it is only doing God's 
 will, which will satisfy my heart. I remember his sweet 
 promise of the Holy Spirit to those who ask. Will he not 
 grant it to me ^ 
 
 Dear Saviour, here on this day I long to give my whole 
 being to thee, without any reservation. I shall be happy 
 only w^hen thou takest me, all that I am, and all that I 
 have." 
 
 To C. C. 
 
 Hartford, Feb. 20th, 1843. 
 
 ** I have thought much of you, dear C, during these 
 
 weeks in which the Spirit of God is blessing your town.f I 
 
 wish that we were enjoying a refreshing from on high — but 
 
 I hope you are careful not to do too much. I never would 
 
RTRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 177 
 
 do again as I did during our revival tw^o years ago ; and yet 
 I cannot be sorry for what I then did, for I v^ould not for 
 worlds give up the experience of that blessed winter. It 
 is very hard indeed to keep in the right line. A fear of not 
 improving the peculiar blessings of a revival, leads on the 
 one hand to a constant activity ; and on the other hand, 
 the fear that nature will sink under it, makes us want to 
 rest some ; and so we are continually wavering, (that is, I 
 am, I hope you do better) between the two. I sometimes 
 think that the old saying, 'we may as well die one way as 
 another,* is the best one for me to act upon, and so be re- 
 lieved from this constant struggle. Happy indeed shall we 
 be in that blessed world, where there will be no sinking, 
 decaying nature to trouble and draw away our thoughts. 
 Till that world is reached, we must toil on, sometimes 
 mounting joyfully to heaven, and sometimes drooping, and 
 sad, and weary in this land of sin and temptation. 
 
 I must tell you, that last week I had a most lovely let- 
 ter from my dear Marion. I shall never in this world see 
 her again — and yet I have become strangely accustomed to 
 this thought. Is it because I really feel heaven to be 
 near, and this life's separation a short one ; or is it because 
 I have become indifferent to these partings ? We were as 
 near sister's as we could be, and when she went away it 
 seemed as if the best part of my life had gone with her. I 
 wish you knew her. 
 
 This is the day that Isabella* is to be married, and the 
 next week on Tuesday, she sails in the Emma Isadora, for 
 Smyrna. I have lived all this month in thoughts of her. 
 I am reading Harriet Newell's Life too. So young ! only 
 19 — and such a sweet, happy Christian. Does it not re- 
 quire great grace, to turn away from every earthly thing, 
 
 * Now Mrs. Bliss, at Trebizond. 
 
178 M^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 and say, ' Whom have I in heaven but thee ? and there is 
 Aone upon the earth I desire beside thee.' It is this entire 
 devotion to the Saviour which animated the first herald^ 
 of the Cross, that I long to feel — -and yet I am only groping 
 my way along, through toils and through tears ; sometimes 
 feeling the love of Jesus, but often full of sorrow at my poor 
 attempts at loving and serving him, who is worthy to re- 
 ceive the affections and the homage of all hearts in the 
 universe. For this I daily strive and watch and pray — 
 and will you not too pray for your friend ? 
 
 I want to thank you in my piano's name for your remem- 
 brance to it. It is ready to return the sound in the sweet- 
 est manner it is capable of, if you will only listen. Will it 
 be waking the echoes of a foreign land next year ? I sup- 
 pose you would say, ' this is a question M. can answer 
 better than I.' " 
 
 Journal. 
 
 "jPe6. 2lst, 1843. To-day I have been looking over 
 my state, and trying to give up myself anew to God. I 
 have been looking over my past life, and I feel the deepest 
 sorrow in view of my continual vileness, and my preferring 
 my own will to God's. Though my outward conduct has 
 been correct, yet this has been manifested in a thousand 
 different ways. When I view my life, and think how i^ 
 has been filled with infinite love and goodness on the part 
 of God, and with continual sin and ingratitude on my part, 
 I am overcome with sorrow — particularly that when called 
 to the Missionary work, I did not rejoice and devote myself 
 gladly to it, but shrank back, and preferred my own ease. 
 For this I can never cease to feel the greatest shame and 
 sorrow, and I trust the deepest penitence. I have wept 
 and prayed over it many times — and to-day it has been 
 again in my thoughts, standing out among the dark lists of 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 179 
 
 sin in my past life. I do beseech God, in his infinite 
 mercy, for Christ's sake, to blot out the past ; and I earn- 
 estly entreat him to give me now a sense of his pardoning 
 love. 
 
 I have been endeavoring to yield up my soul into the 
 hands of Jesus, that I may begin noio, with full purpose of 
 obedience to be the Lord'' s. I desire to place h\m firsts and 
 I do not know of one single thing that I am not happy, or 
 at least willing, to give up, and my heart approves of it, 
 and 1 feel I cannot be happy in any other course. To God 
 my Father, my Saviour, my Sanctifier, I do now yield my- 
 self entirely, desiring only to be in his hands, to have no 
 will of my own, but to do his ov.'n blessed will, from this 
 time forth and forever more. And now, trusting in aton- 
 ing blood to wash away the guilt of the past, and trusting 
 in an Almighty friend to keep me with regard to the future, 
 I commit myself and all my interests to his safe keeping. 
 
 I renew my resolutions, my pnnciples of action I would 
 rather call them, made more than a year ago. I have lived 
 very poorly indeed in accordance with them, yet 1 do de- 
 sire still to be guided by them — and by God's help I will 
 keep them — but oh, by his help alone, for 1 am all weak- 
 ness. 
 
 And now I have given up all to Christ. I have made a 
 full consecration. I hope I am no longer half persuaded^ 
 but all persuaded to be his, entirely and forever; and yet, 
 I never felt my weakness and sin as 1 do now." 
 
 " March 5th. The light is fading of a precious commun- 
 ion Sabbath ! How much has happened in these two 
 months ! What encouragement have we to go on, still 
 hoping, toiling, trusting, till the end come. In the midst 
 of the various and conflicting feelings, which for these two 
 months have been agitating my mind, I think I can see the 
 
180 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 leadings of God's blessed Spirit. I hope I find in my heart 
 this day, a more ardent desire to be wholly devoted to 
 Jesus. 
 
 During these two months, F. and T. have become Chris- 
 tians. How little did I think last communion, that I could 
 count this among our blessings, when next the day came. 
 Surel}' God is full of love, and shall I not go on, and have 
 strong faith that all my dear friends may be led to the Sav- 
 iour, until our circle shall be safe in the fold, and not our 
 circle only, but millions of others, until this whole world 
 knows the Lord our God. Several too, of my young 
 friends, are becoming more decided in their Christian feel- 
 ings, and exhibit pleasing evidence of being God's children. 
 May Jesus take them and lead them straight to heaven. 
 And the good Spirit is gently touching our hearts, reviving 
 the graces of his children, and calling those who are far 
 away from God to return. 
 
 These two months have been marked by mercies out- 
 wardly, and the inward strivings of my heart have been 
 marked by mercy too. And now I do commit myself to a 
 Saviour, who can save me. And I surrender to him all I 
 am, and all I have, to be his forever. With God I leave 
 all my friends and myself and in his hands we are safe." 
 
 '■'■Saturday, March lltli. lam here in New Haven 
 with my dear Mrs. F. She is very feeble, but we trust 
 her in God's hands." 
 
 " Sabbath, 12th. This morning heard the blue birds 
 singing. How pleasant is the returning spring — may it 
 bring spring to our souls. May God's Spirit breathe upon 
 us, and awaken us to a new life. 
 
 I have had some interesting conversation with my dear 
 Mrs. F., but she is very feeble. I feel continual solicitude 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 181 
 
 in her behalf. She is hardly out of my thoughts night or 
 day. I watch her every moment, but her physician thinks 
 more favorably of her case." 
 
 " Hartford^ April IQth, 1843. My birth day, and I 
 am twenty-two years old. I have many thoughts to-day, 
 and yet I see that time does soften and chasten our feel- 
 ings ; for I view the past and the future in a far calmer 
 manner, than I have ever been able to do before. The 
 past is full of blessings on God's part, and I hope I have 
 some gratitude. And it is indeed full of sin, and I hope I 
 have some suitable sense of it. May I from this time 
 forth, make a holy use of all that God grants me, looking 
 only to Jesus, for pardon, for strength, for happiness. I 
 have many sweet blessings to notice in the past year. Oh, 
 how good is my Saviour. To him I do indeed surrender 
 all. May his kingdom come, and his holy will be done in 
 this sinful world, and may all I learn, and all I do, be for 
 the furtherance of this great object. The future, all to us 
 unknown, I commit to his care. He will brino- events as 
 seemeth him good. I am not anxious. This is probably 
 my last birth-day in this dear home ; but God gives me 
 strength to contemplate it peacefully ; and I hope 1 can 
 say, my chief desire for myself and all my friends is, to be 
 employed in doing God's will." 
 
 " June 30M. I had not intended to write any more in 
 my journal, for it occupied so much of my time — so I clo- 
 sed it on my birth-day. But I think on such occasions as 
 the communion Sabbaths, &c., it would be well for me to 
 note a few of the more important events which occur, both 
 in the inner and outer world. 
 
 These two months which have passed since our last 
 communion have been marked by innumerable mercies. 
 16 
 
182 MI^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 
 
 j ] 
 
 My time has passed for the last few weeks in a very even 
 way, both without and within, but before that I was some 
 of the time tempest tost. Yet it does seem to me I have 
 advanced some. Since the last communion, I have learned 
 more what it is to abide in Christ. I have been helped 
 some with regard to my selfishness, and find it easier and 
 pleasanter to live for others, than ever before. There is 
 still trouble in my heart, that the Bible is too much a sealed 
 book to me. Over this I pray daily and earnestly. 1 feel 
 that I have but begun, in every thing. I do hope that 
 God's Holy Spirit has renewed my heart, but I am very 
 faint and sinful, and can scarcely keep along in the path in 
 which it is my earnest desire to walk. But I try to look 
 at Christ. And what I have been resolving on is, to abide 
 in him through all things. 
 
 I am happy in seeing my young friends coming one by 
 one into the kingdom of Jesus. E. joined the church last 
 May, and next Sabbath C. will also. The others of this 
 young circle continue their interest in divine things — and 
 the number is increasing. O, may God keep them, and 
 lead them all to heaven. 
 
 I have been able to accomplish many things, and there 
 are some more which I wish to finish before H. comes. 
 But I try to be patient about them all, trusting in Christ, 
 that he will help me in every thing needful. Oh, I long to 
 be fully devoted to this blessed Saviour, 
 
 May I and my friends be engaged in doing his will ; 
 then, whatever comes, all will be right," 
 
 Here ends the journal ; a manuscript of about five hun- 
 dred pages, compactly written, in which the principal 
 events of two and a half years of her short life are briefly 
 noticed, together with the influence which these had upon 
 her Christian character. 
 
Mrs. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. l83 
 
 She seems to have had two reasons for keeping it. One 
 was, as she has said, that she might have the satisfaction 
 of recalling scenes and events contained in it, when she 
 should " be far away." And the other, that she might be 
 able to mark with more distinctness, her progress in the 
 divine life. The foregoing extracts are, of course, but a 
 small portion of the whole, but they are sufficient to show 
 the tenor of her daily life-*-with this exception, however, 
 that she judged of her conduct by the motives which influ- 
 enced her, and not by actual results ; and has given her 
 own impressions of herself, rather than the impressions of 
 others with regard to her ; and while she has treated with 
 unsparing severity, her faults and imperfections, she has 
 scarcely noticed the daily routine of active and benevolent 
 duties which graced her life. 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 PREPARATIONS FOR LEAVING HOME, MARRIAGE AND 
 DEPARTURE. 
 
 To M. 
 
 Hartford, June 9th, 1843. 
 
 " My dear sister, — Since I wrote you last, I have had 
 time to do a great many things. I wish I could send you 
 a daguerreotype likeness of my life for the year past, for 
 there are many things in it I want you should know. My 
 winter was taken up in preparations for leaving home. 
 Thanks to good friends, I have had very little sewing to 
 do, for they insisted upon doing nearly every thing for me ; 
 and you may be sure it has been a great relief to mother 
 as well as to myself. I wish you could see the beautiful 
 gifts I have had. Not a week passes without bringing 
 some token of love from some one or more of my friends. 
 They have remembered many things that I had not thought 
 of as necessary, so that my Eastern home will be most 
 beautifully supplied M^ith articles for my personal comfort. 
 
 I spent nearly all the month of March in New Haven, 
 with my dear Mrs. Fitch, who is very ill indeed. Death 
 must come into these happy circles ; but it is blessed to 
 look at this world only as our state of trial, and to remem- 
 ber the world where rest will come. And is it not sweet 
 to trust ourselves and our friends in the hands of One who 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 185 
 
 meets out all our changes in wisdom and in love ? He has 
 His own blessed designs to fulfill, is carrying on His cause 
 in our world ; and if He sees it to be necessary for the tri- 
 umph of truth and holiness that we suffer, then let us trust 
 ourselves in His hands, and feel that He will give us 
 strength to bear all which He sees fit to lay upon us in 
 this our mortal life. 
 
 I scarcely dare look forward a few weeks. H. is 
 probably now on the ocean. Dear M., were you by my 
 side, how much we could recount of all the way in which 
 the Lord our God has led us. ^When I think of all that 
 has passed in my life, I can only thank my Father in heaven 
 for all his mercies ; and I feel that I am the least of all, and 
 the most unworthy of such blessings. 
 
 I find in closing that I have not begun to say what I 
 wished* I intended to have told you about my missionary 
 work, but that I must leave till a future time. We shall 
 be engaged chiefly with the Armenians. I feel an increas- 
 ing interest in that part of the missionary field, and 0, I 
 hope my dear M., that I shall have strength to consecrate 
 my whole life to the service of Christ, and may be the in- 
 strument of some good to that benighted people. 
 
 During the past month, I have been seeing many of my 
 dear friends, and O, my heart twines around them so, that 
 if I did not trust in Jesus to bear me through the parting, 
 I could never leave them ; but 1 look to Him, and I can 
 trust all that I love in His hands, and feel that we are all 
 united in the same glorious cause, and have the same heav- 
 enly home in view. You, my dear M., will ever live in 
 my heart of hearts, and the memory of those days which 
 we spent together I shall ever cherish as among the sweet- 
 est of my life*" 
 
 16* 
 
186 MRS. MAUY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 To Miss B. 
 
 "My dear Miss B., — It would very poorly accord with 
 my feelings to write a formal note of thanks to the friends 
 who have so kindly united with you in your labor of love ; 
 and yet I wish in some way to express my gratitude for the 
 unwearied efforts which have been made to render my 
 home on missionary ground comfortable and pleasant. 
 Will you tell the ladies from me, that I shall ever carry the 
 remembrance of their kindness in my heart, and that I do 
 not cease to pray that God may reward and bless them. 
 It will be a comfort to me to knov/ that I am remembered 
 in your prayers, for I feel more and more every day my 
 need of strength from above to prepare me for the duties 
 which may soon devolve upon me. Life is of so little im- 
 portance unless spent for the glory of God, that I long to 
 have every moment of mine occupied in doing His will. 
 
 Oh, how sweet it will be, when this life is over, and 
 when all the redeemed are gathered to their home in heav- 
 en, to meet those we have loved here, and spend an eterni- 
 ty with them in the praise and service of Christ. Then, it 
 will be joy to us to reflect, that in our feeble manner we 
 were able to do somethino; for the kinodom of holiness and 
 peace which God is setting up in this world." 
 
 When Mary was called to contemplate the missionary 
 field as the scene of her future labors, beforeideciding to en- 
 ter upon it, she examined her qualifications for the work 
 with great carefulness and fidelity. The work of missions 
 was in her estimation a great work ; and the preparation 
 which she deemed necessary for entering upon it, was 
 something more than external accomplishments, or piety 
 even ; she felt that there must be a love for the work it- 
 self; a preference of it to any other work, and a willing- 
 ness to make personal sacrifices whenever the salvation of 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 187 
 
 souls or the cause of Christ should in any way require it. 
 As has been seen by notices in her journal, she had a con- 
 stant sense of her dependence on divine aid in all her efforts 
 to promote the spiritual welfare of others ; especially was 
 this true when contemplating her qualifications for the 
 work of missions. She had from early youth been a de- 
 voted, self-denying laborer in the vineyard of Christ at 
 home, but now that her field was about being changed, 
 and God w-as calling her " to the deeply responsible work 
 of glorifying Him among those who know^ Him not," she 
 felt a new and an increased sense of dependence upon Him 
 for aid; and under a deep conviction of utter helplessness 
 if left to herself, she " resolved not to go one step alone, 
 but if Jesus would only go with her, then she would be 
 willing to go far away for the sake of His cause.'* 
 
 But her preparation was but in part completed when 
 she decided with regard to her qualifications for laboring 
 in a foreign fisld. Another and a heav}^ responsibility she 
 felt to be resting upon her — a responsibility which she 
 might not put off lightly, or lay aside without seeking coun- 
 sel and strength from above. Providence had opened be- 
 fore her a wide field of usefulness in her native place, and 
 had qualified her well to fill it ; and she loved to labor in 
 it, and was daily seeing results which brought joy to her 
 heart, and encouraged her to go forward. 
 
 Her Sabbath School class, how could she leave this with- 
 out knowing that each dear pupil was safe in the fold .? 
 She had a trembling hope for three of the youthful mem- 
 bers of her class, and she must find one who would be able 
 to watch over and guide these, and w^ho should also have 
 warm hearted piety, that so she might win to the Saviour 
 those whom she herself must leave strangers to Him. 
 
 The dear circle of intimate friends who met weekly in 
 her room to unite with her in coming to the throne of 
 
Igg MfeS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 grace, would these continue to naeet together in another 
 place of prayer, to remember her as well as themselves, 
 when she should no longer meet with them ? and the 
 friends who were still out of Christy for whose conversion 
 she had been laboring and praying a long time, how could 
 she leave them thus ? 
 
 Among other benevolent objects Avas one which was 
 dear to her on many accounts. It was a youthful sewing 
 circle, who met at stated times to work for the *' Grand 
 Ligne Mission." In this circle she felt at home ; each 
 member was to her as a younger sister ; and she had pre-^ 
 sided over it with untiring cheerfulness from its com- 
 mencement. Finding it impossible to obtain one to take 
 her place, she continued to preside over it until near the 
 time of her leaving homCj and then was obliged to commit 
 the dear little circle to Providence and their own efforts. 
 
 A number of young girls met with her weekly to unite 
 in prayer. Several of these were members of her class in 
 the Sabbath school. It is delightful to recollect that some 
 of the number continued to meet at the same hour, and in 
 the same place where she so often met with them, until 
 after her removal from this world ; and there is reason to 
 believe that having knelt with her here at the throne of 
 grace, they will one day bow with her before the throne 
 of glory. 
 
 When she committed to God the interests which were 
 dear to her, as she so often was wont to do, all these and 
 more also were included, and there was a deeper meaning* 
 than the mere words implied. 
 
 But these interests, dear as they were, and difficult as she 
 found it to dispose of them, were yet in her estimation not 
 the greatest which she was called upon to resign* Ties 
 stronger than these must be broken. To a friend she 
 writes thus^ " I find that my heart clings so strongly to my 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 189 
 
 home, that I shrink from the future. I could bear it for 
 myself, but for these dear parents, I feel every day, that I 
 ought not, andean not go and leave them." But the lead- 
 ings of providence were direct and clear, and the parents 
 of Mary thought it right and felt it a pleasure to smooth 
 the path before her, and to yield her up to the call of duty. 
 Mary was married to the Rev. Henry J. Van Lennep, a 
 missionary under the patronage of the American Board, 
 Sept. 4th, 1843, and sailed with him, accompanied by her 
 father, in October following, for Smyrna. A few ex- 
 tracts from last letters to friends, will give the reader some 
 slight idea of the events attendant upon her leaving home, 
 and also of her feelings at the time. 
 
 To M. 
 
 Hartford, Sept. 22, 1843. 
 
 I have seized my pen while FI. is marking our trunks, 
 to tell you in some hasty lines what I have been longing to 
 tell you in a whole sheet. Dear M., you can imagine, 
 without my telling you particularly, the occupation, and 
 excitement, and overwhelming care and thought, which 
 have attended these few months ; and you will not won- 
 der that in the midst of it all, I could not sit down and 
 v/rite to an absent friend. 
 
 You probably know that Sept. 4th was our wedding- 
 day. We started the next day for the Falls, taking Ro- 
 chester and the meeting of the American Board on our 
 return. The meetings at R were very interesting, and 
 we formed some delightful Christian acquaintances. Our 
 journey was, as you may well suppose, full of deep inter- 
 est. And now we are lingering for a few days in our be- 
 loved home, with the precious circle of our relatives and 
 friends around us, soon to bid adieu to all. Oh, may God 
 strengthen them and us for the parting. 
 
190 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 You will not forget to pray for your friends who are so 
 soon to be removed from ihe privileges of a Christian land. 
 May we be faithful to our God, and to the cause to which 
 we devote our lives. Dear M., pray for my poor father 
 and mother. There is a world where we may all be hap* 
 py together. We try to fix our eyes on that world. May 
 those who have been the light and support of my way 
 through all my early years— may they reach that home 
 "where all the redeemed shall rest in peace. 
 
 Dear M., we are both united in the best of causes. Let 
 US trust our Saviour. O, M., remember my father and 
 mother; write to them often. Don't forget our Sabbath 
 evenings. Good bye. God bless you* 
 
 Ever your friend and sister, 
 
 M. E. V. L. 
 
 To Mrs. F. 
 
 Sept. 37th, 1843. 
 
 My dear Aunt S. We are on the eve of our departure, 
 and the day after to-morrow, we take our last look of our 
 dear home. The Piano and my little bureau are now 
 being packed, and our house is very sad indeed. I have 
 come to my room to say my parting words to my dear, 
 dear friend. How much I shall want to see you ! How 
 often my thoughts will fly back to New Haven, and will 
 seek your room ; and when we are tossing on the ocean, I 
 shall turn to the quiet homes of my friends and give them 
 many thoughts, but not regrets. Oh, no, I am not sorry I 
 am going. I am not afraid of the deep, dark waves. I 
 have committed my way to the Lord, and my trust is in 
 Him; and my prayer to Him is, that my selfish heart may 
 become pure and disinterested, ready to take hold of any 
 labor that will advance his kingdom and glory. 
 
 My dear Aunt S., you know how I remember your 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. jgj 
 
 words of counsel ; how I have laid up in my heart all the 
 treasures, which intercourse with you through many years 
 has collected. May God reward you for the good you 
 have done me. You and dear Dr. F, have been pre- 
 cious friends to me. 
 
 I have not begun to tell you what I wish, but I shall try 
 to find time on board ship to write you a long letter. May 
 God take us all safely throuo;h this changing world, and 
 bring us to His heavenly kingdom. To Him I trust the 
 future. To His care I commit my dear parents and brother; 
 He can supply all their need. Oh, you know what we all 
 feel now. Pray for us. ' 
 
 Ev^er your affectionate, 
 Mary E. V. L. 
 
 The parting from the home of her childhood can never 
 be put on paper. Often as the scene occurs, it comes 
 with a first painful freshness to every one who passes 
 through it ; and to one who has not felt what it is, it can 
 never be described with any thing like the overwhelming 
 , reality. 
 
 After leaving home, Mary spent a week very pleasantly 
 amongst friends in Boston, and from that place, sailed for 
 her eastern home the eleventh of October. 
 
 The morning of that day rose clear and bright — adieus 
 had all been spoken ; the last parting with the parent who 
 was to be left behind had been anticipated ; the secret 
 chamber and the presence of God only having been wit- 
 ness to that scene ; and now only the public exercises on 
 board remained to be performed. 
 
 At 10 o'clock the deck of the Stamboul was throns'ed 
 
 o 
 
 with sympathizing friends, who were there, not so much to 
 give and take the parting look, as to commend the little 
 company who were to encounter the perils of the deep. 
 
192 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 and some of whom were to take up their residence in a 
 far distant land, to the protection and blessing of God. 
 
 The prayer was offered, the parting hymn was sung, 
 the vessel was loosed from her hold, and bore away on her 
 outward course. As she swept by the projecting wharf, 
 Mary was seated on the deck, her husband and father 
 standing protectingly by her on either side ; but her heart 
 was not with them then. One object on the shore rivet- 
 ted her attention. It was her mother. A friend who 
 witnessed the scene, in speaking of it afterwards to that 
 mother said, " She looked as if she would have taken her 
 heart out, and left it with you." A mother's feelings in 
 parting from a daughter in such circumstances have been 
 expressed by the poet in a manner strikingly true and 
 beautiful. 
 
 " Yet go, my spirit goes with thee 
 Yet go, thy spirit stays with me ! " 
 
 One white signal seen through the shrouds of other 
 vessels, marked the path of the Stamboul, as she gently 
 glided along amidst the dense forest of masts which lined 
 the harbor. At length she was seen through an opening 
 vista, in bold relief on the clear blue sky, all her canvas 
 spread, and every sail filled. Another turn, and that bark 
 with its precious freight disappeared from the straining eye. 
 
 To her Mother, by the Pilot-boat. 
 
 Boston Harbor, Oct. 11th, 1843. 
 
 My dear Mother. I write in full view of Boston where 
 you are, and am sitting where last you saw me, looking 
 on the waves, the clear sky, the city — all is beautiful ! 
 and God is with us, and with you, and He will keep us 
 united in heart. 
 
 Dear mother, my own dear mother, you are not sorry 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 193 
 
 we are going. You know why we go. It is not for our 
 own pleasure ; it is God who has appointed our way; and 
 I do think we go for Him, and shall live for Him in every 
 thing. 
 
 Dear mother, pray that we may be wholly devoted to 
 our Saviour ; that the salvation of all may appear so im- 
 portant to us, that we shall be always earnestly engaged 
 in leading many to Christ. Pray that we may never for- 
 get the object of our mission. Good bye, my precious 
 mother, we are all in God's hand, and He can sustain us. 
 I have not a fear if God will only enable us to do right. 
 
 2 o'clock. My dear Mother. The beautiful breeze 
 which took us from the wharf died away soon after, and 
 now we are becalmed in the harbor. I remained on deck 
 a little while after writing your note, and then came down 
 and arranged the thinojs in our state room. Then H. came 
 and we read together the 14th chapter of John. Is n't it 
 a sweet chapter ? Since then I have been on deck till just 
 now, looking at Boston — at the State House, and I knew 
 that Mrs. B's., where you were, was near there. It is a 
 dear land, and I could not bear the thought of leaving it 
 and you, if I did not feel that God had ordered it, and that 
 He would go with me, and make me useful. When we 
 sat on deck, I heard the waves dashing on the shore with 
 a ceaseless rush. 
 
 My mother, when you go back to H. and the house 
 seems lonely, do not think you are alone, for my heart is 
 with you. God will keep us, and we shall meet again. 
 Blessed thought ! we certainly shall meet again, if we 
 trust in Christ and are faithful to Him, where there are no 
 more partings. Dear E. God keep him and make him a 
 Christian. 
 
 Once more, my dear mother, good bye. 
 
 Your own dau2:hter, 
 17 _ Mary. 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 EXTRACT OF A JOURNAL KEPT WHILE CROSSING 
 THE ATLANTIC. 
 
 Barh Stamhoul, October 21st, 1843. 
 
 My dearest mother, — This evening is the first time I 
 have been able to succeed in commencing the journal to 
 which we have looked forward with an interest both pain- 
 ful and pleasant. And you see by my writing that the 
 motion of the vessel prevents my doing it very easily. But 
 I do so long to write you what is passing. 1 have tliought 
 so many long letters to you since we parted, that 1 must 
 begin, spite of all the dithculties. Oh, how beautiful my 
 home looks ! How blessed all the days that I have spent 
 there ! My heart returns to it with such a longing that at 
 times the separation is almost insupportable. But I do not 
 want to fill my journal with these things, neither for your 
 sake nor mine. Dear mother, it is God's will, and he will 
 render this discipline useful to ourselves and to others too. 
 
 While I was writing your second note in my stateroom, 
 I felt very dizzy, but I was determined to finish it, so that 
 Mr. Hill could carry it to you ; so as soon as I had sealed 
 it, I ran up on the quarter deck, and stood by H. to breathe 
 the fresh air. We watched the land, all the islands about 
 Boston, and the beautiful shores. Several gentlemen went 
 with us and returned in the pilot boat called the Breeze. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 19§ 
 
 Between three and four, they shook hands with us and wish- 
 ed us a pleasant voyage, and then one by one descended to 
 the little boat, which took them to the Breeze. Then we 
 were all alone, our little company, shut up for a long 
 voyage. 
 
 We had dinner about four, but I could not go down. I 
 sat on a cannon and leaned my head against the side of 
 the ship, while H. brought me the old cloak. But 
 soon I was too ill to sit up and I went down to my berth. 
 Thursday morning I was still sick, and could not bear the 
 thought of eating, and heard to my horror, as the gentle- 
 men were talking around the breakfast table, that eating 
 cured sea-sickness and eat a person must. Steward brought 
 chicken tea, but it made me very sick, and then H. took 
 me on deck a little while, and then back to my berth, 
 where I passed the afternoon dozing and thinking of home, 
 and of you, and of the good cold water in the well. Oh, 
 how often I tried to imagine that Clara was bringing me a 
 glass of fresh water ; and then I longed for ice, till I almost 
 thought I had it in my mouth. 
 
 Oh, how much I thought of you that afternoon, and 
 prayed for you, and thought of your reaching home. Dear 
 mother, did not Christ support you ? 
 
 I counted the hours, and thought when you would take 
 your tea. lam continually imagining what you are about. 
 I follow you in all your daily duties. 
 
 Sabbath my heart all went home. I heard the church 
 bells, saw the bright faces of the Sunday school girls, look- 
 ed in upon you at your Sunday dinner, and imagined you 
 reading to E. afterwards. 
 
 As M. was able to be brought on deck, we sat together 
 and talked of home. 1 forgot to say that on Friday eve- 
 ning we commenced family prayers. The crew are not 
 present. In the afternoon we had preaching on deck. I 
 
196 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 wish a painter could have drawn the group. It was a 
 clear afternoon about four o'clock. Some of the gentle- 
 men leaned over from the upper deck. The crew sat in a 
 row and looked intently at father, and the two mates sat 
 on the raised place where you and I stood together ; you 
 remember it. Dr. A. and father stood near the cabin door, 
 and then we sang, and father, who had suffered much from 
 sea-sickness, prayed and preached a short extemporaneous 
 sermon, and it was quite like Sabbath day. I had thought 
 the day would not be very profitable nor pleasant, but it 
 was both. In the evening we sang sacred music in the 
 cabin, all the good tunes that you love, and I retired with 
 that quiet feeling which a sweet Sabbath always gives. 
 
 Monday the 16th was a wild day ; our first hard wind, 
 and a head wind loo. We reached the outside of the gulf 
 stream, and the weather is always warmer there, and apt 
 to be stormy. Our introduction was rather a hard one. 
 I attempted to sit at dinner, but was obliged to remove 
 with my plate up stairs, for the ship rolled and pitched in 
 a remarkable manner, and the spray came washing over 
 the deck. O, what an afternoon and night we bad. 
 There was no rest for us. We heard the wind screaming 
 through the cordage, and while we lay in our berths, the 
 heavy tramp of the sailors, and all the sounds connected 
 with a storm kept us from sleep. Tuesday passed in a 
 tossing manner, cloudy, and I think showery too ; but 
 Tuesday night passes all my powers of description for dis- 
 comfort. O, our rolling and tossing, and the sliding about 
 of every moveable thing was wonderful. I wish you could 
 have seen our stateroom on Wednesday morning. In the 
 course of the night every loose article had toppled down 
 and lay in a mass of confusion on the floor. The bowl 
 which had been used for arrowroot, was rolling from one 
 side to the other, and the two spoons were following iV 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 197 
 
 Bang went the folding doors every few moments, like can- 
 non, and bang went the backs of the settees also, and 
 creak, creak, said the rudder, while a confused chorus of 
 movables filled in all the spaces of time. In the morning 
 our " intellects" to say nothing more, " were all up in 
 heaps." The only way to cure such things is to go on 
 deck ; there the fresh wind generally puts all things right. 
 There was one day we could not go on deck at all, it was 
 so stormy. The only thing to do at such times is to lie 
 still in our berths. Those days we could do very little. 
 I tried now and then to open my crewel work, but the 
 least motion seemed a burden, and sitting up below made 
 me sick. 
 
 Friday the 20th was a glorious day. During the night 
 it had cleared off, and in the morning a grand breeze was 
 carrying us between ten and eleven miles an hour. The 
 waves were magnificent. It was very hard to keep our 
 position for a single moment ; but in the afternoon, though 
 they tossed us still, they were not quite so high, and I 
 came down and took out my things, and arranged my 
 state room in nice order, without feeling sick at all. I had 
 not been able to do it before, since I came on board. Sat- 
 urday morning as I awoke early, I took my crewel as I lay 
 in my berth, and had an hour to work in before breakfast 
 time. The only tedious hours are from daylight till break- 
 fast, which is not till half past eight. It makes the night 
 seem very long to retire as we do about nine, but all the 
 rest of the time flies. 
 
 Tuesday 24.th. Sabbath 22d was not clear but the rain 
 was most providentially detained till after our service, 
 which was at ten in the moi'ning. Father preached from 
 the text " Behold I lay in Zion," a written sermon, but he 
 made selections from it. We sang Ariel, '* Oh, could I 
 17* 
 
198 MI^S. MAEY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 speak the matchless worth," and Ward, to the words 
 *' When I survey the wondrous cross." After service it 
 rained, so we all came down stairs. 
 
 We have an Italian on board, a servant of Mr. F., who 
 is an excellent cook, and sometimes he makes us very nice 
 dishes, but our cook who is a miserable one, is quite jeal- 
 ous of him, and Guseppe can not do as much as he would. 
 But last Sabbath he cooked our dinner, and though I felt 
 very sorry that so much time should be spent in cooking 
 an extra dinner on that sacred day, I could not help relish- 
 ing his dishes. Our poor bodies occupy, at sea, the most 
 of our attention. We are continually contriving for our 
 appetites, for we become more and more dainty. Our 
 cook tries to make bread and pastry, but both are misera- 
 ble, so we eat ship crackers. Every day steward roasts 
 apples for the ladies, and these are very fine. The best 
 part of our dinner is the fine dish of apples that always ap- 
 pears last. Our water, as you may suppose, is not good, 
 I can scarcely be willing to taste it ; but we put the cur- 
 rant jelly in sometimes, and sometimes the soda powders, 
 and sometimes go without. 
 
 Wednesday^ October 25tk. We have had a fine wind 
 to-day, and after the bad winds of the last few days, it has 
 done our spirits good to know we were going so fast to 
 Gibraltar. That is the point to which we are now look- 
 ing, and where, if this wind continues, we can be in a week 
 or ten days. We are already 1600 miles from America. 
 
 Monday the 23d was a very mild day. I never before 
 felt the sun so hot in October. At times it would be op- 
 pressive were it not for the winds. That day, I began 
 reading to H. in French, and trying in earnest to speak it. 
 The nearer we get to Smyrna, the more I long to be able 
 to speak it easily. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. jgg 
 
 Yesterday was again warm and beautiful, but the wind 
 was unfavorable. After dinner we had our trunks brought 
 on deck, looked over our things, and got at last fairly set- 
 tled for our voyage. Our state room is in nice order, and 
 we are as comfortable as we can expect. Our captain is 
 uncommonly kind and attentive. Every morning he has 
 had a matrass spread on the deck in the stern, and a cover- 
 ing spread over it, where the ladies can sit or recline at 
 their pleasure. 
 
 To-day our fair wind has made all our hearts happy, but 
 it has made some of our company sick. It has been im- 
 possible to walk on deck, or even stand, and I sat on the 
 little bench on the quarter deck, where the chickens are 
 kept, and while H, read, succeeded in spite of the winds, 
 in making a bag to put some of our articles in. After din- 
 ner read French, and then H. told me many things about 
 Smyrna, until the sun had gone down, and the new moon, 
 like a silver thread, looked now and then from among the 
 clouds. 
 
 Dear mother, I never was so far from you before. But 
 here, on this mighty ocean, our Heavenly Father is as 
 near as when we are on land ; and it is very sweet to 
 remember our absent friends, as we do each evening in our 
 prayers. 
 
 Thursday^ October 26th. To-day, my dear mother, 
 has been, not only the most delightful day on sea, but the 
 most delicious day for October that you can imagine. 
 Warm as early September, and (he clouds floating in a 
 clear blue sky like summer weather. We are about three 
 hundred miles from the Western Islands, and from there 
 to Gibraltar is nine hundred miles. All our invalids are 
 better to-day ; every one has been on deck. For several 
 mornings Mr. T. has said, " Steward, we can't get our 
 
200 ^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ladies up till they have their roast apples," but this morn- 
 ing we took them on deck. 
 
 We go at the rate of seven miles an hour, but as the 
 wind is directly aft, we feel almost no motion. Our stern 
 windows are open, and the pleasant music of the waters 
 comes in continually, and we sail along as smoothly as if 
 no storm had ever ruffled the gentle billows. I have had 
 the luxury of sea life to-day ; and to-night feel quite con- 
 tented with my ocean home and ocean life. But how 
 soon the scene may change, and storm and darkness come 
 back again ! As I sit on the deck, in the warm sun, with 
 my sewing, I have nice times to think. O, it seems good 
 to recal my poor scattered thoughts, after the whirl they 
 have been in so long. But I have many things that need 
 attending to within. 
 
 M. has been on deck most of the day. I sat by her 
 during the morning, on the quarter deck, by the mizzen 
 mast, and while I sewed, we talked together about many 
 things. After dinner M. came on deck, and again we sat 
 in the same place, and H. read to us while I worked on my 
 crewel. Our afternoons are very short, for dinner is not 
 over till three, and the sun sets quite early now. We 
 watched the beautiful sunset, and then the new moon shone 
 out softly, and M. saw the first star she had seen since she 
 left land. How beautiful the stars are on the ocean. 
 The evening is lovely as the day has been. We have just 
 had our family prayers, and here, on this wide ocean, we 
 find these seasons very precious. I can not but hope that 
 this family worship will do good to some on board. The 
 crew do not attend, but the passengers must, I am sure, be 
 benefited. I am getting to like my ocean life very much. 
 I have plenty to do, and then as every thing about the sea 
 is new to me, there is no monotony. My time is fully oc- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. gQl 
 
 cupied with a pleasant variety of duties, and tliere is no 
 want of society. 
 
 21th. During the night the wind freshened, and to-day 
 we have enjoyed the consciousness that our rolling home 
 was going very fast to Gibraltar. We have had quite 
 variety enough to-day, and some sport too. The motion 
 of the ship was so violent that it was hard to keep our 
 position, and father who was sitting with us in the cabin, 
 felt it very much. Suddenly the ship gave a great roll, 
 which upset every thing which could be upset, ourselves 
 too nearly, and the water came pouring in through the 
 port holes in our state rooms. Plenty of work we had and 
 plenty of fun. Fortunately our own M^as nearly closed, 
 but Mr. T.'s berth took a large quantity of salt water. All 
 but the steward enjoyed the wetting highly, but he, poor 
 fellow, had too much to do with the drying part to feel 
 very good natured about it. About one o'clock I took my 
 book and tried sitting on deck. H. tied me and my chair 
 to the mizzen mast, and I was able to read an hour, spite 
 of the rolling of the ship. 
 
 October 2Sth. About twelve this noon, the wind, which 
 had died away during the night, began to freshen, and con- 
 tinued to do so all the afternoon, and now we go at an 
 astonishing rate, I think twelve miles an hour ; H. says 
 faster than he ever sailed before in a vessel. We are pass- 
 ing the Western Islands, though they lie nearly one hun- 
 dred miles south. We are to pass between them and the 
 main land, but shall not see them. 
 
 Oct. Slst. Since I wrote we have had wild times, 
 which I scarcely can describe at all. The gale which was 
 blowing when we retired on Saturday night, increased so 
 that sleep forsook us, and we could only lie and toss and 
 roll with every motion of the ship. 
 
202 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 To-day things have become quiet, and I have been able 
 to return to my work, and my usual ship duties, so that 
 the sorrows of our stormy days are fast receding, even 
 from memory. In a warm sunny sky and smooth sea, all 
 traces of tempests disappear. But I do dread a storm 
 again ; not for any one thing in particular, but for the all 
 things in general. The exceeding uncomfortableness of 
 every thing. It is impossible to keep our position, either 
 sitting, standing, or in our berths. There is nothing to be 
 done but to roll with every motion of the crazy ship, till 
 all ones bones ache. Then the cabin has such a gloomy 
 and deserted air ; the doors are all closed, except one half, 
 and through that comes now and then, splashing down the 
 stairs, a large wave, to wash the floors of both cabin and 
 state-rooms. Every thing gets damp and wet, the air be- 
 comes stifled. Every body feels the languor and uncom- 
 fortableness of being obliged to stay in a narrow berth. 
 Even if sea-sickness does not add itself to the catalogue of 
 evils, the mind becomes gloomy and dispirited, and it 
 seems as if one would feel forlorn to the end of life. I do 
 not say that all the company felt exactly so. I believe 
 two or three of our gentlemen passed through our trials 
 quite comfortably. 
 
 Wednesday/ morn, Nov. Isf. When I bade you good 
 night, I intended to spend a part of this morning in writ- 
 ing, but I can go on only very slowly, the motion is so 
 great. We are now about 300 miles from the coast of 
 Spain. Do you not think my imagination must be filled 
 with thoughts of the old Spanish days of chivalry and re- 
 nown — of Grenada too, and its thousand associations. 
 How strange it is that I should be here ! and yet I am so 
 far from realising that I have left America, that I contin- 
 ually, in conversing, use the word he?'ej when I am speak- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 203 
 
 ing of persons and events at home. It seems as if I have 
 only stepped from the wharf into the vessel, and am still 
 in America. But when once I get sight of the coast of 
 sunny Spain, and see its old castles frowning on the sea, 
 my dream will vanish, and I shall feel that 1 have indeed 
 left the land of my birth. 
 
 I have a confused recollection of the days when the 
 wind was so violent, and I only wish to remember it long 
 enough to tell you about it. The sun shone brightly on 
 Sabbath, and the sky so beautifully blue and serene, was 
 a great contrast to the dashing scene beneath it. Now 
 and then, a shower would for a few moments obscure the 
 sun, and then all would be bright again. Between three 
 and four in the afternoon, H. urged me to go to the cabin 
 door, the sight was so fine. It seemed almost impossible 
 to do it, but with much exertion I managed to get my 
 things on, and with IJ.'s assistance went up the stairs. 
 Then, mother, and not till then, I saw the ocean. You 
 have read enough descriptions of " ocean waves," and 
 " ocean tempests," and any thing that I can say, will not 
 make them any more vivid than they now are in your 
 mind, but to really know what a storm is, you must with 
 your own eyes witness it, and then you will understand 
 what mountain waves mean. The decks were lonely and 
 deserted, and the waves ran over them in undisputed pos- 
 session. Occasionally a sailor in his oil-cloth dress, drip- 
 ping with water, would appear at the vessel's side, stoop- 
 ing to escape the waves which broke momently over the 
 ship. We stood on the stairs, looking out at the door, only 
 half of which was open, and when the waves came we 
 hid our faces from the spray. You remember there is a 
 step from the deck upon the cabin stairs, which prevents 
 the water from running down, excepting when a wave 
 is borne directly over the ship's side down through the 
 
204 ^^^S- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 cabin door v/ithout touching the deck. There we remained 
 about an hour, watching the most magnificent scene which 
 my eye ever beheld. Above, the sky was beautifully blue, 
 and the clouds dazzlingly white, or tinged with that deli- 
 cately yellow light which we have so often admired in our 
 sunsettings at home. Around us the ocean dashed in its 
 fury. I could not resist the impression, that some of its 
 long waves like vast hills, were land instead of water. 
 We had scarcely reached our state-room when a large wave 
 came rolling down the stairs into the cabin. We were 
 safe. That night I slept from extreme fatigue, but had 
 sad and troubled dreams. About midnight we were 
 awakened by hearing the water rolling and dashing into the 
 cabin. H. sprung to close our door, and then we lay still 
 to hear what would be done next. We heard Mr. T., 
 whose berth is next ours, calling out in a tone almost des- 
 perate to the captain. "What, you wet.^" captain ex- 
 claims. " Up to my knees in water," rejoined Mr. T. The 
 captain was also nearly swimming in his room. But pails 
 were brought, and carpet bags, trunks, shoes, &c., were 
 fished up out of the water, amid the laughs and jokes of 
 the poor sufferers ; for the only way is to take things mer- 
 rily. One must be good natured if he is soaking in his 
 berth. 
 
 Monday the wind was still wild, and we sped along our 
 course, while the sounds in the cordage were as if the full 
 ocean band were busily at work at their wild harmonies. 
 Yet in the course of the day the sea became calmer, and 
 faces became a little more bright, while our company, one 
 by one, crept on deck towards evening, to get revived by 
 some fresh air. That evening we had prayers and retired 
 quite comfortable. 
 
 Nov. Ist. Yesterday was beautiful and we enjoyed the 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXNEP. 205 
 
 deck, though occasionally a shower would send us below 
 for five minutes. It is surprising how quickly a shower 
 comes and goes on the sea. You scarcely perceive the 
 clouds till you feel the drops on your face, and a moment 
 after the sun appears bright as before. The storm has 
 made sad work with M. and Dr. A. and father ; they all 
 want cheering. Atter dinner I sewed in the cabin, striv- 
 ing to cheer M. Then H. came for me to see the sun set. 
 It was a golden sky, and after the clouds faded, the moon 
 looked calmly down on our bark, as it danced on over 
 the waves. Just after tea I sat with H. a short time on 
 deck to enjoy the moonlight, and in the evening i talked 
 with dear father of home, and the friends, the loved 
 friends there, and after prayer, I wrote in my journal. 
 
 The nights in my berth I am very weary of To lie in 
 such a narrow space is very hard. But we have many 
 comforts and I do not complain. A fine breeze is now 
 carrying us on our course, and we are all in good spirits. 
 
 While I have been writing, Guseppe came below and 
 announced a ship, and another one is just now on the verge 
 of the horizon. They are the first we have seen for sev- 
 enteen days. Now as we are near the coast we hope to 
 see them. I wish we might see an East Indiaman. This 
 is M. S.'s birth-day, and I intend writing her a note. She 
 marked it in my Daily Food, and father thinks of using the 
 verse for a text for a sermon. 
 
 I shall begin to-day a letter to send from Gibraltar. Capt. 
 says H. may go ashore with him there, though we shall 
 stop only two hours. Oh, to see Gibraltar ! 
 
 Thursday morning. I have just finished a letter to send 
 you from Gibraltar. If our wind continues we shall reach 
 there day after to-morrow. I have filled a sheet, and yet I 
 18 
 
206 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 have said almost nothing that I wished. I wanted to tell 
 you my thoughts and feelings, and to say something about 
 Boston, and about your home plans, and to send some 
 little word to my friends. My heart was too full to put 
 down on paper, and I have said almost nothing I wished. 
 As soon as tea was over, I went and sat by father in the 
 back part of the cabin, and had a long talk with him. 
 How much his heart yearns for home ! He has not borne 
 the ship part well at all, and suffers for want of exercise. 
 We talked, too, of the passengers, and how much it was 
 to be desired that some good should be done while with 
 our compaay. Soon we separate, never to meet till at 
 God's bar. 
 
 My dear, dear Mother, we are in sight of land — all on 
 deck looking, but I have just run down to tell you. Spain 
 is in sight before us, real land. My heart is too full to 
 write. I could cry hard, I don't know why. Oh, how 
 good God has been I Now indeed I feel I am away from 
 America. How strangely looks that long line of misty 
 coast, and very strange are my emotions, full of pleasure, 
 and full of pain, and full of deep, deep interest. This is 
 Spain — and soon we shall distinguish the old convent 
 which for ages has stood looking down on the sea, where 
 the nuns have chanted their matins and vespers, and its 
 bells have mingled their voices with the waves. How 
 little I once thought that my plain Yankee eyes would 
 look on such scenes ! Dear Mother, I have been praying 
 that I may look on all these interesting shores with the 
 feelings of a Christian ; and may all that I see and learn 
 prepare me for my work in that dear country which comes 
 nearer every hour. 
 
 Nov. ith. Saturday afternoon. I have just closed your 
 letter, and H. is directing and sealing it, and Mr. T. will take 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 207 
 
 it on shore to-morrow. 0, 1 hope it will reach you safely. 
 Father is writing at the table, and nearly all our gentlemen 
 have been so engaged, these few days past. I wrote 
 C. C, after closing the journal for you yesterday, and as 
 soon as tea was over we went on deck to watch Cape St. 
 Vincent which we passed by moonlight. We saw its high 
 bluffs, and with the glass distinguished the two convents, 
 one on the extremity of the cape, its white walls shining 
 in the moonlight. The other, of reddish brown, is not so 
 distinctly seen. It was very interesting to watch them. 
 What a wild lonely place to which to retire from the world. 
 Probably they are monasteries, not nunneries. 
 
 We stood in the moonlight by the helm, and while there 
 had a long conversation with Guseppe on the nature of 
 true repentance, to which the man at the helm also lis- 
 tened. The conversation accidentally, I hope providen- 
 tially, commenced by my picking up a tract which fell 
 from his pocket, and as he took it, he said " Oh this is 
 mine, I am going to be Christian." I fear no impression 
 can be made on his giddy mind, for he is an odd, playful, 
 reckless fellow. 
 
 We went very fast until four o'clock this morning, when 
 the wind died away, and it became decided that there was 
 no more hope of our reaching Gibraltar to-day. So many 
 new sights are continually coming, that I must go on deck, 
 and shall continue my journal afterwards. " Africa is in 
 sight," is the cry. We are wide awake. These are new 
 sights and sounds. 
 
 We have a few moments now before tea. Oh, what a 
 day this has been to me ! You may imagine my feelings, 
 but words cannot express them. I have stood gazing at 
 these shores, till thoughts innumerable, of home, of child- 
 hood, of Spain, of Africa, dark, deluded Africa, have all 
 floated vaguely, dimly in my mind, and I am oppressed by 
 
208 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 them and turn in prayer to God, that he will be my Fa- 
 ther, and make me a Christian in all things, and will pre- 
 pare me for my work. 
 
 This morning was beautiful, and that every thing might 
 be ready in honor of our arrival at Gibraltar, I staid in my 
 state-room and cleaned out all the dirt, which dust brush 
 and dust pan could gather, and then brushed the paint 
 from father's coat and cap, with cologne water and clothes 
 brush, and afterwards mended them; in which I succeeded 
 admirably, to father's great delight; then I went to M.'s 
 room and told her the Daily Food verse, and read to her, 
 then on deck, which was about 12 o'clock. 
 
 While we were at dinner, Guseppe announced a city in 
 sight, and we ascended, when dinner was over, quite in- 
 credulous, but not one only, many were visible. Cadiz 
 rose from the sea, and the low range of mountains which 
 stretched along, bore many a village and house, whose 
 white walls shone in the sun light. Farther inland, the 
 high mountains of Spain towered, and soon Cape Trafal- 
 gar came to our view. How many thoughts these shores 
 awaken ! I can scarcely write my heart is so full. I 
 came down stairs about four and finished your letter, and 
 then tried to write in the journal, but it was impossible to 
 stay below. The sky was somewhat overcast, but a bril- 
 liant sunset shed a flood of violet and rosy light over sea, 
 and shore and sky. Far off to the south Cape Spartell, 
 on the African shore, rose dimly, it seemed to me sorrow- 
 full}'', from the water. Long we gazed on every side, 
 while the sailors drew from the hold the chain cable to use 
 if needful. A fine breeze and strong current carry us rap- 
 idly through these green waters. We are about thirty 
 miles from Gibraltar, and shall have a fine moonlight view, 
 if these clouds pass. 
 
 These are deeply interesting days to me, and indeed to 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 209 
 
 US all. To-morrow, while our dear friends at home are 
 gathering round the table of our Saviour, we shall be gaz- 
 ing on the rock of Gibraltar, and on the blue waters of the 
 Mediterranean. My heart is almost too full to write ! 
 How good God has been, and we can trust the future with 
 him. 
 
 18* 
 
CHAPTER X. 
 
 BARK STAMBOUL. MEDITERRANEAN, 
 
 Tuesday, Nov. 7th, 1843. 
 *' My dearest mother. I feel quite lonely since I sent 
 off my journal, for it seemed almost like parting with you. 
 But I had so good an opportunity I hailed it with joy. 
 Now 1 must go on regularly again — and I would it were 
 possible to give you any thing like a true description of 
 these few days ; so unlike the rest of my life, so full of 
 interest and excitement. I closed my journal to you the 
 evening before reaching Gibraltar. I longed to sit up and 
 watch our entrance to the Straits and Bay, but it was not 
 thought best. When I retired for the night, I felt little 
 inclination to sleep, and by two o'clock I was wide awake, 
 and as the moon was shining, I could not resist the incli- 
 nation to rise and peep through the port hole, but saw 
 nothing except water, for our side of the ship looked only on 
 the ocean. So I laid me down, and as a sudden squall 
 came, and the men were running hither and thither among 
 the ropes, I did no more than have several short naps, be- 
 fore the gleams of the dawn came in at our window. Then 
 I rose again, and saw the majestic Rock of Gibraltar 
 directly in front of us, and we went on deck to see the 
 sun rise. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNE?. QH 
 
 Dear mother, how gladly would I present the view to 
 you, which we then witnessed. H.'s painting of the rock 
 is the best I have seen, and that, you probably remenaber, 
 but no pen nor brush can give a true idea of the glorious 
 light, which tinged the clouds, and shed itself over distant 
 niountain land, and misty shore, and wave, and vessel and 
 rock. That mountain land was more interesting than any 
 thing I had ever seen before, realizing all my ideas of lofty, 
 wild summits, so distant, so towering, they seemed like 
 giant shadows among the clouds ; so beautifully covered 
 with violet light, and so completely shorn of all trees or 
 shrubs, that the effect is entirely unlike the mountain land 
 of America. During all the day I found my eye wander- 
 ing' from the interesting sights amongst which we were, to 
 seek those dim and distant outlines, over which the shad- 
 ows slowly passed. They v^^ere the mountains of Spain, 
 where the wild Moorish battle cries had often echoed, and 
 Spanish knights had wrought their deeds of valor and 
 renown. 
 
 We were in the Bay of Gibraltar. Directly in front of 
 us rose the barren rock, covered with its fortifications and 
 frowning upon the sea. The town, with its houses of a 
 light yellow or brownish hue, lay all along the water, and 
 was guarded by a wall, strong and massive. During the 
 night there is no entrance to the town, for at the firing of 
 the evening gun, soon after sunset, the gates are locked. 
 A number of vessels lay in the harbor, some steamers 
 and an English man-of-war. But it is an unsafe harbor, 
 and is subject to sudden gusts of wind, very dangerous to 
 vessels." 
 
 ** Wednesday/ evenings Nov. 8fk. I have been sea-sick 
 for the last three days ; for the night we left Gibraltar, a 
 miserable head wind came, and our ship has pitched nearly 
 
212 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 all the time since ; while we are kept almost in one place ; 
 I mean so far as advancing on our course is concerned. 
 To-night we are quiet for a little season, and I am glad to 
 come, dear mother, and talk with you again. 
 
 How strangely that Sabbath passed at Gibraltar ! While 
 you were quietly enjoying the privileges of communion, 
 we were anchored in a foreign bay, gazing upon a city, in 
 whose streets mingled some from nearly every nation on 
 earth, and viewing that noble rock, around which so many 
 associations cluster. 
 
 Very busy times we had in the early morning. We 
 were coasting up and down the Bay, hoping that the officer 
 would come out from the port, and give us permission to 
 land. In the cabin, Mr. T. was arranging his baggage to 
 send ashore, and there was much passing up and down the 
 cabin stairs. As no officer made his appearance, the cap- 
 tain concluded to go on shore, and Mr. T. went with him, 
 but they came back in about a half an hour, saying that 
 they would not let them land. Then we took breakfast, 
 and our poor passengers, who were hoping to get a nice 
 meal on land, were forced once more to partake with us of 
 our ship food. Soon a boat came, and a man in it told 
 the captain, if he would drop anchor and go ashore, he 
 could get a permit for his passengers to land. Again our 
 little boat put off, and we waited in suspense another half 
 hour, when we saw it returning. It was now near ten 
 o'clock. The captain remained on shore, and sent the 
 boat for those who were to land. Right glad were they, 
 and they bade us good bye, and descended one by one into 
 the boat. Mrs. T. was lowered in the arm chair by the 
 sailors, an operation which we shall all have to endure. 
 When they were gone we sat quietly on deck, where the 
 rays of the sun beat down, becoming quite warm as the day 
 advanced. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 213 
 
 The town seemed an abode for the dead ; not a donkey, 
 nor man, nor soldier could we see. We did not expect to, 
 in the town itself, but we thought we ought in some of the 
 numerous paths leading along the side of the Rock. I be- 
 lieve, though, they were hid by walls which were built 
 along the paths. Every thing had a Sabbath-day look, 
 and the most perfect quiet pervaded the whole scene. The 
 only signs of life were a few odd shaped Spanish boats, 
 which appeared and disappeared among the shipping. 
 
 It was a day full of deep interest. We sat on deck, and 
 many were the thoughts which floated through our minds. 
 After some time our boat returned, bringing delicious grapes 
 in baskets, such as we see pictured in views of warm cli- 
 mates. They were entirely unlike ours, but more like 
 those white Malaga grapes which come done up in cork 
 dust. 
 
 The rest of the baggage was then sent ashore, and one 
 or two boats came from other American vessels, bringing 
 their captains to visit ours. Our second mate, G., conclu- 
 ded to return to America in the Manto, for he has been 
 sick ever since we started, and I prepared my journal to 
 send by him. What a long day that was ! The longest 
 I remember to have spent, since the memorable day that 
 father sailed for Europe. 
 
 The captain did not return till late in the afternoon, and 
 he brought with him a new sailor, and also some very fine 
 melons and olives. It was very difficult for him to obtain 
 fruit, for the market was closed, being the Sabbath. Our 
 captain was tired out. He had eaten nothing since morn- 
 ino", and he was so busy trying to get off, that he could 
 only take a little dinner on deck. 
 
 We were so troubled to raise our anchor, that it was not 
 till after sunset that we could get under way. Our sunset 
 was truly Mediterranean, very unlike the sunsets of Amer- 
 
214 ^II^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ica. 4 beautiful violet hue, melting into rose, tinged sky 
 and cloud and nnountain and wave. Our hearts were filled 
 with the glory of the scene. Far off, the African shore 
 raised its bold front in the evening sky, and on the side of 
 the Bay opposite Gibraltar, several little Spanish towns 
 and Moorish watch towers, were bathed in violet light, 
 while directly over the Rock, rose the moon, nearly at its 
 full, making a combination of glory and beauty, which sur- 
 passed any thing my eye had ever seen. We sailed by 
 moonlight slowly out of the bay. One by one shone lights 
 from the town, and from the top of the Rock we saw and 
 heard the sunset gun fired. Our ship had got free, after 
 some difficulty. The captain of the Manto, a fine generous 
 man, came with his second mate and several of his men, 
 to assist our weary sailors. Our poor men had been up 
 all night, and during the day too, had been hard at work, 
 and though they sang their wild, merry, sailor songs, to 
 make the work go lightly, it was evident they were tired 
 out. It did our hearts good to see captain L.'s men, fresh 
 and ready to lend their aid ; and so before the rays of the 
 sun had faded away, we were ready for sea. We walked 
 on deck beneath a glorious moonlight, and sailed by a fair 
 breeze on the waters of the Mediterranean ; while my 
 thoughts were with the dear friends far off over the Atlan- 
 tic. We began to look forward to our journey's end, and 
 to rejoice that our sea trials were so nearly over ; when, 
 alas ! the wind changed during the night, and the next 
 morning we pitched about in a head sea, sea-sick and cold, 
 and very uncomfortable. 
 
 After dinner on Monday, I sat nearly all the afternoon 
 on deck, looking at distant scenery. Far off', rose from the 
 sea the Sierra Nevada, or snowy mountains of Spain. The 
 sun shone brightly upon them, and I would it were possi- 
 ble for me to describe the magical effect which those Span- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 215 
 
 ish mountains produce. They tower above the clouds, 
 and are seen in every variety of light and shade. Their 
 barrenness, so far from injuring their picturesque appear- 
 ance, only heightens it. We watched them all the after- 
 noon ; and at evening we remembered the monthly concert. 
 
 This Mediterranean sea, seems a very sociable one to 
 me, we have so much land in sight, and its tall cliffs come 
 down so protectingly to the shore. Then the motion in a 
 fair wind is delightful. The vessel glides on smoothly, 
 and we have none of the heavy Atlantic swell ; but a head 
 wind is very trying, owing to the short waves, which makes 
 the ship pitch and toss sadly. I think the ocean is far 
 more interesting when land is in sight. There is a pecul- 
 iar feeling when far from land, which I shall always remem- 
 ber with deep interest, and I rejoice that I have been on 
 the M^ide waste of waters ; but there is a magical beauty 
 about the sea when a distant shore bounds the horizon, 
 upon which the breakers dash their white foam. We had 
 the happiness last night of retiring, with the consciousness 
 that a fair wind was carrying us gently along on our course. 
 In the morning, just at sunrise, we were passing Cape 
 Degata. Its brown cliffs, on which stood lonely Moorish 
 Watch-towers, frowned upon the sea. These Moorish 
 towers are a very interesting sight. They are placed along 
 the shore on very high points, at the distance of about ten 
 miles from each other, and command a very extensive view 
 of the sea. There, in ages back, they watched the inva- 
 ding foe, and lighted their alarm fires upon these moun- 
 tains. 
 
 I have had many sweet, quiet thoughts here on this 
 ocean. On the deck I have been looking into my heart, 
 many an hour, and striving to get ready for my work in 
 Smyrna ; of you too, dear mother, I think, at morning, 
 noon and evening.'' 
 
216 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Tuesday evenings Nov. Xith. On Frida}^, after closing 
 my journal, a storm which had been gathering for some 
 time, came over, and the lightning was more vivid than I 
 ever knew. The quantity of rain we have had is very sur- 
 prising. It has rained ever}^ day, though we have had long 
 hours of sunshine. Saturday was a gloomy, cold day, and 
 we were sailing in the broadest part of the Mediterranean* 
 between Majorca and Sardinia, so that no land was to be 
 seen. 
 
 During the night there w^as a great deal of rolling, yet I 
 contrived to sleep nearly all the time ; but on rising in the 
 morning with a strong resolution not to be sick, I found I 
 must yield, and in my berth, notwithstanding the motion, I 
 had pleasant Sabbath thoughts and conversation with H. 
 We regretted being deprived of service on deck. Only 
 twice have we been able to have service there. Towards 
 noon the weather became fine. We had been all along 
 going on our course, but the motion was in consequence of 
 the north wind which blew down the Gulf of Lyons. As 
 soon as Sardinia should shelter us we should be free from 
 that. After dinner talked with H. on many interesting 
 topics, and particularly about desiring to be in Heaven, and 
 being willing to leave this earth at any time. H. said he 
 thought it was a Christian's duty to be looking forward joy- 
 fully to the time when heaven would be his home. I told 
 him how lovely this earth appeared to me, and that it 
 troubled me that the thought of leaving these scenes forev- 
 er should make me unhappy, and that I feU I needed to 
 place my affections more upon the other world. T had 
 been thinking and praying over these things which had 
 been suggested to my mind by my shrinking from dying at 
 sea, and my earnest desire to reach Smyrna. H.'s views 
 of heaven are much better than mine, and 1 hope that they 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 217 
 
 will make mine more what they should be. I pray over 
 this subject, and already my views are brighter. 
 
 Dear father came and talked with us a long time about 
 heaven and the privileges of Christians. We talked till 
 the day light faded and the stars came out. The sea was 
 calmer, and in the evening we had service in the cabin. 
 Father read his sermon, " Life and immortality," &c. 
 
 Yesterday was calm, nearly all day, and we sat on deck, 
 beneath a pleasant, warm sky, and worked. Just before 
 tea, walked the deck for exercise, and in the evening netted 
 my mat. The breeze was fresh and fair, and during my 
 sleep, I dreamed very vividly of reaching Smyrna. O, 
 mother, how strange it seems to be so near the place to 
 which we have looked so long. 
 
 This morning when I went on deck, I found we had 
 passed Sardinia in the night, so that only a faint blue out- 
 line remained to be seen. The waves have looked beauti- 
 fully to-day, and the sky has been bright. Father is in 
 fine spirits at the thought of soon reaching Malta, from 
 which we are now only about one hundred and seventy 
 miles. What a small company we shall have from Malta 
 to Smyrna. Four of our number leave at that island. 
 
 After dinner, just as 1 was going on deck, a storm came 
 up and it rained very hard. Captain has taken in sail, for 
 the night is very dark, and he does not like to pass without 
 some care among these islands. There is a great deal of 
 motion and we all dread the nig-ht. 
 
 ■to" 
 
 Wednesday evening. Our breeze has been so very light 
 to-day, that we are still some distance from Malta. We 
 slept last night notwithstanding the motion, and under the 
 good providence of our Heavenly Father, came safely 
 through all the shoals. As soon as the sun shone in to 
 the cabin we went on deck. The coast of Sicily looked 
 19 
 
218 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 very dim, far to the north of us, and the small island 
 of Pantelaria, a place famous for its donkeys, lay on our 
 western horizon. We had passed it in the night. Dur- 
 ing the forenoon went on deck to see mount Juliano, 
 the highest land on the southern coast of Sicily. After 
 dinner had a general overlooking of trunks, and a grand 
 preparation for landing at Malta. 
 
 Sometimes when the thought comes over me that I am 
 really going to Smyrna, you can imagine how strange and 
 yet how pleasant a reality it is to me. Could we only all 
 live together. My dear mother, let us all be ready for 
 that blessed home where we shall have no separations — 
 that home where our existence will truly commence. 
 Shall we ever reach that home ? O, may Jesus make us 
 faithful to him and to his cause. May he prepare us to 
 meet him and all our dear friends in the abodes of eternal 
 rest. Good night, dear mother. Father is going on deck, 
 and I will go too, and have a few parting words. 
 
 Thursday evening. We are moored in the harbor of 
 Malta, and shall pass the night within sound of its many 
 bells, and in full sight of the spot around which so many 
 associations cluster. We passed a very quiet night, but 
 this morning though the sun shone brightly, we found the 
 wind just opposite the quarter we wished it to be. I went 
 on deck before breakfast, and we saw the coast of Sicily, 
 on one side, with the snowy peak of Etna, distant from 
 us one hundred miles, and on the other side lay the low, 
 rocky island of Malta, and its two adjacent islands. The 
 morning was very warm and bright, and the sky a glorious 
 blue, and our gentlemen sauntered about, unable to attend 
 to any thing but watching the sails in hope that our calm 
 might give place to a fair wind. We were passing slowly 
 along, without any hope of reaching Malta until to-mor- 
 row, though we were not thirty miles off. About dinner 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 219 
 
 time our wind became fair. Captain's eyes brightened, 
 but we kept it from our company, for fear of disappoint- 
 ment, as it might not last. However, during dinner the 
 fair wind became too apparent to be any longer hidden, 
 and the sails were made ready for Malta. Our gentle- 
 men put on clean clothes and hats, and looked so land 
 like, it did our hearts good. On we went beneath a bright 
 sky, while every moment the rocky shore, with its houses 
 and scanty trees, became more and more visible. We 
 were making for Valetta, the name of the port. We passed 
 St. Paul's bay, and thought of the shipwreck of the in- 
 spired apostle. H. read me the chapter containing the ac- 
 count, and if it really were the spot, how interesting it 
 would be. It is very probable, though not certain, yet it 
 is enough so to make it an interesting place. 
 
 Every thing was in readiness for landing. Our flags 
 floated in the breeze, and we all stood on deck, viewing 
 each object as it became defined to the eye. A glorious 
 sunset added to the beauty of the scene, while the curious 
 Maltese boats made me think of the " Maltese Boatmen's 
 song," and almost involuntarily we sang, 
 
 " Then haste let us row till the day light is o'er." 
 
 A Greek vessel was slowly passing into the quarantine 
 harbor near us. We saw the Lazaretto buildings, and di- 
 rectly in front rose the old storm beaten fortifications of the 
 knights of ancient days, and rising above these were the 
 light brown buildings of the town. The sun set gun 
 fired just as captain was setting off" in his boat, and we 
 waited anxiously the result of his visit to the shore. 
 
 The sunset colors were fading on the horizon, but we 
 stood gazing while light remained, on the massive walls 
 and churches, which filled our minds with strange thoughts 
 and told us we were indeed in the old world, in the midst 
 
220 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 of scenes which before had to us existed only in our ima- 
 ginations. Strange music floated across the water. I 
 thought it was a full deep band. It was the tolling of the 
 hour. The light grew fainter, and then the bells all woke 
 and rang for vespers. The island seemed but the abode of 
 bells, for from every quarter they rang out upon the breeze, 
 some making merry music, and. some sounding in such 
 solemn tones, that all I had ever dreamed of a vesper bell, 
 was embodied in the strain. There was one heavy one, 
 that tolled slowly amidst the merry peals, as we listened 
 in silence, while our hearts were sad for the deluded wor- 
 shippers, who were then kneeling at their evening devo- 
 tions ; and we prayed that a true and holy worship might 
 ascend with their vesper prayer. 
 
 Our captain returned and told us nothing could be done 
 after sunset, no officer could be seen, no permission given 
 to land ; and so we remain here quietly, losing very much 
 time ; and yet I am half reconciled to our detention, for I 
 long to hear the matin bells. It seems very pleasant to 
 hear land sounds, and yet the sounds which float to us are 
 by no means home-like. They carry our thoughts back to 
 days when Rome ruled alone over the consciences of the 
 nations, and they remind us that her veil of darkness still 
 blinds a large portion of the earth's population. We pre- 
 sume some festival is causing the continued peals we hear. 
 Music too, of drums and trumpets is passing along the 
 streets. The stars are shining gloriousl}-, and the dark 
 walls before us are partially illuminated by the light house, 
 and here and there other lights appear, while almost every 
 moment the bells are chiming, and mingle their voices with 
 the ceaseless roar of the sea as it breaks along the shore. 
 These are strange and novel sounds to lull us to sleep. 
 Our company have retired, and I must retire too, to be up 
 *' bright and early." 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 221 
 
 Monday afternoon, November 20tli. I have come my 
 dearest mother, to try and give you some account of the 
 many things which have taken place since last I wrote. 
 But first, let me tell you we are scarce one hundred and 
 twenty miles from Smyrna ; and to-morrow we might hope 
 to tread on that shore to which we have so long been look- 
 ing with earnest expectation, but a strong head wind for- 
 bids the hope, and we know not how long we may be de- 
 tained among these islands of the Archipelago, 
 
 How I wish I could give you some account of last Fri- 
 day, that would make you feel just as I do in looking back 
 upon it. It seems like a strange troubled dream, and as 
 though I had been for a few hours an inhabitant of another 
 world. 
 
 During all Thursday night you know, we lay in the har- 
 bor of Malta, within sound of its many bells as they tolled 
 the hour, and at four in the morning they commenced 
 again, and continued ringing more or less until between 
 seven and eight. We were up early and saw the sun rise, 
 and then captain went on shore. We were on deck, watch- 
 ing all that could be seen, eyeing the town with our spy 
 glass, and the health officer came along side to look at us. 
 This gave us much amusement, and he too seemed quite 
 good natured about it, particularly when the steward in his 
 comical hat looked over the ship's side at him. Soon 
 came innumerable boats, some to sell things, some to bring 
 people to our ship, and to take our passengers ashore. 
 
 The consul came, and Mr. and Mrs. Buel, Baptist mis- 
 sionaries, very pleasant people. They knew H. and Mrs. 
 Buel brought me a beautiful bunch of flowers, which I am 
 still keeping — some fine carnations amongst them. 
 
 And then mother what do you think we did ? We went 
 on shore and saw Malta, and the wonderful sights and 
 
 sounds nearly turned my head. There is so much motion 
 
 19* 
 
222 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 I can not write. Oh, I have so much to tell you, and we 
 are so near Smyrna too ! 
 
 Wednesday, November 22d. The lands near us are full 
 of interest. On one side lies Asia, so soon to be my home, 
 and on the other, Scio rises to our view, and already the 
 mountains around Smyrna are distinctly seen ; but a head 
 wind still detains us ; we can only slowly tack along, up 
 the channel of Scio, with the faint hope of reaching to- 
 morrow, the city to which our hearts have gone. How 
 do you think, my dear mother, that your daughter feels in 
 looking upon what is now her adopted home. It was yes- 
 terday, that the first faint, blue outline of the continent 
 which is the cradle of our race, rose to our view, and I 
 could only pray when I looked upon it. Now, we are 
 very near it. We can distinguish its Turkish villages, and 
 we turn alternately from them to the island, where among 
 its groups of trees, once stood the mansions of so many 
 happy families whom the fire and the sword destroyed. 
 These lands are full of interest and you may easily ima- 
 gine what recollections they call up, and what associations 
 they awaken in our minds. It was you, dear mother, who 
 taught me to feel for poor Scio. Do you remember too, 
 how when I was a very little girl, I went once to sew for 
 the Greeks. But if I am going to write a regular journal, 
 I must turn back to Friday. 
 
 It was quite an unexpected pleasure to be able to go on 
 shore- Mr. and Mrs Buel urged our going, and the con- 
 sul told us the captain would be detained some hours, so 
 we thought we would venture to go. Father and Dr. A. 
 thought it would be a refreshment to us ; so I flew down 
 and begged the steward to get my band-box, and H. got 
 my shawl, and in my great ship shoesjand gloves, I was in 
 rather a funny garb Jo appear on land. H. was in a some- 
 
MRg. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 223 
 
 what similar plight, yet in a land where we were total 
 strangers, we did not mind our medley dress. They had 
 the arm chair ready to lower the ladies, and I found the 
 operation easy and pleasant. We reached the landing 
 time enough for me to have the pleasure of welcoming 
 father and Dr. A. to Malta, for they came after us, with 
 the consul, in another boat. 
 
 And now mother, if you want me to describe Malta, I 
 will tell you that to give you a true description is out o' 
 the question. Valetta is the name of the port, and there 
 are streets and houses, and plenty of people, making racket 
 enough for three or four of our cities, but every thing is so 
 different that description can give you but a faint idea. 
 
 But I will begin at the beginning and go on to the end 
 of the little 1 saw of Malta, and perhaps I may be able to 
 give you a better idea than a man who writes travels, and 
 does not know, what you in particular, would like to know. 
 
 The whole island is composed of a rock of a yellowish 
 brown color, or rather a very light drab, so soft when first 
 it is hewn, that it is very easily cut into beautiful vases, 
 &c. ; but it hardens on exposure to the air. All the forti- 
 fications and houses and pavements are of this stone, so 
 that they have the same color, which makes a good con- 
 trast to the blue window frames and balconies. 
 
 The Moro, or St. James's Castle, hid the place of the 
 landing from our ship, but as we came round its high old 
 battlements, where the knights in olden time fought, we 
 caught a view of a scene of indescribable bustle and activ- 
 ity. It was by the custom house, and as we neared the 
 shore, innumerable boats surrounded us, and our own little 
 Stamboul boat was the only thing that looked familiar. 
 
 My dear mother, H. has just called me to go up on deck, 
 and see the town of Scio, which is so near that we can dis- 
 tinguish the people walking along its shore, and the dis« 
 
224 ^I^S- MARY E. VAN DENNEP. 
 
 mantled villa's, which are standing desolate and sad among 
 the trees. Upon these very w^aters the Turkish ships 
 floated, and on these very shores they landed their soldiers^ 
 and spread ruin and sorrow all around. The centre of the 
 island is very bold, and the mountains tower, naked and 
 barren, over the green and cultivated slopes which come 
 down to the sea. We can discern many cypress trees 
 and several minarets. My eye has, in a little measure, 
 become familiar with strange scenes. But 1 must go back 
 to Malta. 
 
 By the iron railing round the yard of the Custom House^ 
 a soldier in the splendid costume of the Highland regi- 
 ments, was leaning, watching all who came and went. 
 Several of them stood around, and they are most splendid 
 looking men. Tell E., their dress is more grand than the 
 picture of one in my music book. Their black plumes 
 nodded in a perfect forest over their caps, and it was sin- 
 gular to see their limbs bare, both above and below the 
 knee, for a little space. I felt all my childish awe of sol- 
 diers coming back, when I gazed on these Scotch High- 
 landers, and I verily believe E. would have bowed down 
 to them. But they had very pleasant Scotch faces, and I 
 did not see that they bore any arms, though I presume 
 they must have had them of some kind. 
 
 We landed on steps cut in the rock. There were two 
 or three of these steps, hewed not very even ; and then 
 we walked along the shore, while on one side the city 
 walls, and a large convent with grated windows, towered 
 above. We then turned from this street, which is called 
 the Marina, and entered a steep, walled pathway. My 
 eyes gazed with wonder and astonishment on every thing. 
 There was enough on the Marina to excite my amaze- 
 ment, but we hurried along amongst groups of Maltese, 
 and on turning into this narrow pathway, we found our- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 225 
 
 selves somewhat more quiet, though our Maltese attend- 
 ants were sufficiently noisy, and a dirty little dog annoyed 
 me very much. From this steep path, which we ascended 
 by long steps, we turned into another a little wider, and 
 then into St Paul's Street, which is long, even and clean, 
 and nearly as wide as Grove Street, in H. A part is very 
 steep, but where we passed to the hotel, to which the Con- 
 sul took us, it was quite level. How strange the people 
 appeared to me ! Most of the lower classes hurrying 
 about their work, with burdens on their heads, and some 
 who could afford it wore black silk mantilla's on their 
 heads, which fell over their shoulders. Priests were walk- 
 ing here and there, and mules dragging carts with immense 
 wheels, toiled along. Those carts were the most outland- 
 ish things you can conceive, and the harness of the mules, 
 seemed made up of bits of rags picked from the streets. 
 
 But our Hotel was my admiration. We entered by a 
 long entry, and ascended by flights of stone stairs to the 
 third story. In the corner of the landings, stood pedestals 
 about three feet high, supporting vases, where were 
 planted house plants, such as geraniums, &c. The pedes- 
 tals and vases were of Malta stone. The hall, where we 
 stopped at last, was quite spacious, and looked down into 
 a court in the centre of the house, and upon one side 
 opened the room appointed for Dr. A. and father. The 
 parlor and bed room were very large and airy, and exceed- 
 ingly high. The floors were stone, the chairs what we 
 have been accustomed to, cane seats, and the sofa's or 
 divan's, looked quite natural also. There was a piano in 
 the room, and the walls were adorned with Italian paint- 
 ings. In the centre stood a very large table, and a smaller 
 one, with a vase of flowers on it stood by the side of the 
 sofa. Between the two sofa's, a tiny stove was placed, 
 and the pipe went up to the ceiling. An old fashioned 
 
226 ^^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 book case, with a few old books, stood between the two 
 windows which opened on the balcony, and two oranges 
 lay on the top of the case, with their stems and a leaf or 
 two remaining. On the side opposite the sofas, the bed 
 room opened, and the beds, the frames of which were of 
 iron, looked neat and comfortable as at home. The wash- 
 stand looked natural, with its vases for soap and tooth- 
 brush. 
 
 While we stood in the hall, looking at the baggage, 
 music struck up ' Hail Columbia^ and ' Yankee Doodle,' 
 and we found it was the custom to salute strangers with 
 their national airs. We had been followed by a blind man 
 and one or two others, who played these tunes on our arri- 
 val at the Hotel. The blind man was the owner of the 
 dog, which had annoyed me so. The Consul and Mr. and 
 Mrs. B. left us, and our first movement was to run to the 
 balcony and survey the street. Miss M. was a great help 
 in explaining things to me. Passing beneath us were sev- 
 eral ladies, who appeared to be shopping. I was perfectly 
 delighted with their costumes. Their ""street dress is a 
 black silk skirt, hooked on over their other garments, 
 which hangs in thick and graceful folds about them, and 
 conceals every thing but their light gaiters. Over their 
 heads, a black mantilla is thrown, of the same material as 
 the skirt, and it appears something like a hood. It is held 
 on with one hand, and with the other hand they gracefully 
 dispose the remaining part about their persons. The effect 
 is beautiful, and I was exceedingly interested in watching 
 the movements of the younger ladies, as they followed 
 their mamma's around. The custom is for the young un- 
 married ladies not to appear in the streets without their 
 mothers or nurses. Their gait is slow and dignified, and 
 they look modestly out from under their mantillas. Their 
 hair is parted like our ladies, with two curls hanging each 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. j227 
 
 side, and they all have olive complexions, and black eyes 
 and hair. 
 
 Our breakfast was brought up, and placed on the centre 
 table, and three waiters did their work very quietly. Every 
 thing about breakfast was homelike and very nice. The 
 beefsteak, for instance, nice as at home. 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. B. returned to go with us round the town, 
 but we had only time to pass into St. John's Church, be- 
 fore the Maltese boatmen came hastily in, telling us the 
 captain was waiting. We could only glance around. It 
 was a gorgeous Catholic Church, such as we see in pic- 
 tures. Many were kneeling at their prayers ; but what 
 interested us most, were the tablets, in Mosaic, upon which 
 we were treading, and beneath which the old knights lay 
 buried. 
 
 As we hurried down the steep streets to the shore, our 
 boatmen ran behind and before us, jabbering now Maltese, 
 and now broken English, and anxious to put in, each his 
 plea why we should go with him. It was a strange scene, 
 down by the wharf ; I verily thought we should be bereft 
 of our reason among their clamors. I stood close to father, 
 till H. and the rest decided which boat to take, and then 
 we gave a hurried good bye, and rowed off. The Maltese 
 boats are excellent. The boatmen row standing up. 
 
 When I reached the ship, I found the excitement I had 
 been in, together with getting much heated, had fatigued 
 me more than I was aware, and I immediately took my 
 berth, and did not leave it during the remainder of the day. 
 We were sailing before a fair wind, and rejoicing in being 
 so near the end of our voyage. 
 
 Our ship's company is considerably reduced ; but our 
 hearts are so full of Smyrna, we do not mind it much, 
 though to be alone without father, makes me feel I am 
 indeed away from all my early friends and protectors. 
 
228 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Saturday we had still a fine wind, but so much motion that 
 I was more sick than I had been for a longtime, and I was 
 obliged to keep my berth during most of the day. On Sab- 
 bath morning I was able to sit up in my berth, and rest my 
 weary limbs. On Sabbath afternoon, we passed Cape 
 Matapan, the southern point of Greece, and all the after- 
 noon we sat watching the shore, which rose majestically 
 from the sea, and the effect of the lights and shadows, was 
 uncommonly fine. There was indeed Greece ! Upon one 
 of the tall cliffs stood the ruins of an ancient temple, its 
 columns seemed lonely and sad, as they looked down upon 
 the blue waves beneath them. Several villages appeared 
 on the coast. The general aspect of all these shores and 
 islands is very bold. They rise in barren masses of rock 
 from the sea, with here and there green nooks, where a few 
 trees are scattered among the grass ; but there is a grandeur 
 and picturesque loneliness about them, which makes them 
 very interesting, independent of the associations which 
 cluster around every spot. 
 
 That evening we had service in the cabin. H. read 
 father's sermon, * Let us come boldly to a throne of grace,' 
 &c., and I was pleased that the steward stopped to listen. 
 Dear father always tries to do good. He has been talking 
 with one of the sailors, who is considerably interested in 
 religion, and H. wishes, now father has left, to find an op- 
 portunity to continue the conversation. We did not pass 
 a very pleasant Sabbath, for we were wearied out, and our 
 thoughts wandered too much ; but the evening service was 
 pleasant, and I trust profitable. 
 
 Monday morning, the captain called us to see somelarge 
 water spouts. They were very singular objects. We 
 found we had gone uncommonly well ; the Islands of the 
 Archipelago were all around us. We had thought to have 
 reached Smjma on Tuesday, and had rejoiced in the pros- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 229 
 
 pect ; but a head wind came, and our hopes were blasted. 
 Dear mother, I would write more, but I fear to use my 
 eyes, and must rest them. I shall write to-morrow, if pos- 
 sible. Oh, can it be that we shall so soon reach Smyrna ? 
 I find it is only eight miles to the entrance of the gulf." 
 
 " Thursday afternoon, Nov. 2Sd. We shall not reach 
 Smyrna to-day, dear mother, but as some consolation, our 
 head wind has left us, and we are enjoying the most luxu- 
 rious day we have had since we commenced our voyage. 
 H. has brought my writing materials on deck, and I am 
 writing here beneath a lovely sky, while a gentle breeze 
 is wafting us along to the entrance of the Gulf, and we have 
 every prospect of reaching Smyrna to-morrow morning. 
 The day reminds me of the lines oi Herbert : 
 
 * Sweet day so cool, so calm, so bright, 
 The bridal of the earth and sky.' 
 
 There is an inexpressible calmness about every object 
 The shores of Asia Minor, and the distant islands, sleep in 
 the sunshine, and there is scarce a cloud upon the sky. It 
 has been mild as a day in latter spring, and I have done 
 little else than sit still all day, and enjoy the luxury of bask- 
 ing beneath this warm southern sky. But now I long to 
 finish my journal. 
 
 Monday was a very cold day. Indeed it has been hard 
 to keep warm this week until to-day, for the continued 
 north-east wind, made it like an autumn day in America. 
 We were in the midst of the Islands of the Archipelago, 
 but it was too cold to remain on deck. At last, in the 
 afternoon, I got into my berth to keep warm. Captain 
 was very sober, and H. very sad. Oh, how hard it was to 
 keep patient, when so near Smyrna. Our head wind was 
 very strong. We tacked all night between the Islands, 
 20 
 
230 ^^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 and as the passage was very narrow, I had many thoughts 
 whether I was willing to die on the ocean. I rested very 
 little, and hailed the morning light with joy. Tuesday 
 was a tolerably comfortable day. We made some prog- 
 ress, even with our head wind, for we have an admirable 
 vessel for sailing. We passed very near Tinos, where the 
 town, and an ancient Greek church, one of the two most 
 noted churches of that communion, could be distinctly 
 seen ; but for the first time I remained below, when an 
 object of interest was to be seen. After dinner, our cap- 
 tain had the matrass laid upon deck, and I sat some hours, 
 even till after sunset, watching our progress. The sky 
 was of a glorious blue, and the clouds swept through it 
 finely, casting their shadows on the Islands around. 
 
 Samos was near us, but the clouds over it hid Mt. Ida 
 from our view. In the distance lay Scio, and we were 
 endeavoring, in spite of our wind, to sjain the channel be- 
 tween that and the main land. How my heart felt, when 
 the captain pointed to Asia, rising faintly in the eastern 
 horizon. 1 gazed there with many thoughts. On Wednes- 
 day morning, we were entering the Straits of Scio, and 
 looking upon the mountains, which can be seen from 
 Smyrna. It was very cold, and I sat and worked in our 
 state-room during the morning, while H. read to me — and 
 in the afternoon, wrapped in my cloak, and seated upon 
 the floor, I wrote to you. I wish I could have written 
 every day since we left Malta, for there are many little 
 nothings, which when I write daily can be put in, and help 
 you to form a better idea of my life. Dear mother, I long 
 to have you know every thing, as when I lived at home 
 by you. To be detained by head winds, just when our 
 hearts were leaping for joy, has been indeed trying, but it 
 has also been good for us. It has led us to examine our 
 hearts more, and to look to our Heavenly Father more. I 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 231 
 
 have had many thoughts during these days of suspense. 
 Did God see that my heart was not in a right frame, and 
 thus for a little time deny us an entrance to that spot so 
 increasingly dear ? I have prayed much during these days ; 
 I have thought much of my work, and of my preparation 
 for it. I have tried to be perfectly resigned to my Father 
 in Heaven, and to feel that he knows best, and 1 hope that 
 I have, in some measure succeeded — but to rise these four 
 mornings, and hardly dare to ask how we went, and then 
 to have * hope deferred,' did indeed make our hearts sick. 
 This morning we found the wind prevented our entrance 
 to the Gulf, and there was no hope of reaching Smyrna to- 
 day. We all ate breakfast in silence. 
 
 After breakfast, 1 remained in our state-room till the 
 captain came to tell us * there was no use in freezing be- 
 low, when it was warm and bright on deck.' Oh, how 
 bright and beautiful it was, and a perfect calm, also. The 
 captain said, ^ a fair wind would come next ;' and in the 
 course of the day it has come creeping along. How much 
 cause we have to be grateful ! God is so much better to 
 us than our fears. H. is very calm, but full of thought. 
 After writing, I sat and watched the gathering twilight, 
 while he paced the deck. The silver thread of the new 
 moon shone over Cape Karaburna, at the entrance of the 
 Gulf, while we glided along as on a summer sea. We 
 came below at half past five, and commenced putting up 
 our things — and we have arranged all we can to-night. 
 A fine breeze is carrying us along, till now we are very 
 near our desired haven. Captain will anchor a few miles 
 from the city, and go the rest of the way in the morning. 
 We had tea between seven and eight, and have been con- 
 tinually watching the sound of 'the water to see if we ad- 
 vance. The captain is now sounding, for there is a shoal 
 which makes the passage very narrow, and the anchors are 
 
^32 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ready to lower. lam glad we shall not enter Smyrna till 
 daylight, for I want to see the city and country around. 
 They are casting anchor now. When M. came to kiss me 
 good night, and said, ' where will you be to-morrow night ?' 
 the thought that I might possibly be among those new 
 friends, and the meeting with them past, came over me 
 with new power. Will it indeed be? Oh, for strength to 
 go through all which to-morrow may bring! What chan- 
 ges a few months have wrought we cannot tell. Shall we 
 find * all things well ?' O, these are hours of suspense for 
 us. There goes the anchor ! We are fast ! Thank God ! 
 O, my dear mother, how near we are ! H. says fifteen 
 miles from Smyrna. 
 
 Friday morning. I am writing you beneath a lovely 
 sky, without a cloud, and we are sailing among scenery 
 far more beautiful than I have ever imagined. Dear 
 mother, this Gulf of Smyrna, with its picturesque moun- 
 tain peaks, and the verdant slopes which surround it, fill 
 my eye and my heart too. We slept sweetly with the 
 consciousness of being so near to the friends who watch for 
 us, but the first streak of dawn started us, and H. was soon 
 on deck.* We have been putting up the things and coming 
 up and down the stairs many times, but now all is ready 
 for shore. 
 
 We are now by the sea castle, about seven miles from 
 the city, slowly tacking in, — Smyrna in full sight, and the 
 land castle on the hill behind. These scenes which have 
 occupied so many of my dreams and waking visions, are 
 now here before my eye, but far more beautiful than any 
 thing 1 have ever imagined. We hear the shepherd's calls 
 among the mountains, and lonely cypress trees are rising 
 amid foliage of every variety of green. Now and then a 
 solitary sea bird flies slowly over the mountains, or rests 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 233 
 
 his wing upon the waters, which are smooth as a lake be- 
 neath this quiet sky. Every thing is bathed in sunshine. 
 Dear mother, am I indeed here ! The city with its red 
 roofs rises before us. H. is all absorbed. We shall not 
 be in till afternoon, for the wind is very light and against 
 us too, so that we can only tack. Could you but see this 
 
 land, so unlike all that we ever looked upon, so " 
 
 Here abruptly ends the journal of the Mediterranean. 
 The next communication to friends announced an illness 
 which confined her one month to her room and her couch. 
 She was carried from the vessel in a state of extreme ex- 
 haustion, and in that state passed through the desired yet 
 trying meeting with her husband's friends. Tv.'o weeks 
 after her arrival the journal was closed by another hand. 
 She lay upon her bed and dictated a few lines, her husband 
 being her amanuensis. 
 
 December Ith^ 1843. I must send you my journal, my 
 dearest mother, without giving you any of my impressions 
 of Smyrna. Of the city itself I have seen nothing, and in 
 my two quiet rooms, there is very little comparatively to 
 remind me that I am five thousand miles from my child- 
 hood's home, among the bearded chins and turbaned 
 heads of these oriental nations. 
 
 You know how many notes and letters I intended to 
 send by the Stamboul ; but I must forego that pleasure, 
 and send only messages to my friends. How little I anti- 
 cipated this illness ! I think I have learned somewhat 
 better, not to form plans for the future. I lie on my bed 
 and ask, have I been brought thus far to be only a useless 
 encumbrance } I hope I may be resigned to whatever sta- 
 tion my heavenly Father wishes me to fill, whether in 
 sickness or in health. 
 
 Give my love to all my friends, and when a ship comes 
 20* 
 
234 
 
 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 do send me a large package of letters. I want to hear 
 from all of them. Tell dear aunt, I have constantly some 
 little pleasant thing to remind me of her ; and I fancy her 
 going down with her bright face to see you very often. 
 My love to Miss B. ; tell her how sorry I am I can not 
 send her promised letter. And all my little friends ; give 
 them a great deal of love. Tell them I think of them in 
 their little prayer meeting, and their Sunday school class 
 continually. I cannot mention all my friends, but I have 
 them all in my mind, and I lie here and think of them one 
 by one, and long to see them. How sorry I am to be sick 
 while dear father is here. 
 
 Now, dear mother, 1 must say good bye. I come to 
 America almost every night in my dreams. I wonder if 
 you don't sometimes come to Smyrna. I wish you could 
 know how many comforts I have here, and what kind 
 friends to take care of me. But I think of you a great 
 deal, how can I help it ! May God give you every bless- 
 
 Your affectionate daughter, 
 
 Mari 
 
CHAPTER XI. 
 
 RESIDENCE IN SMYRNA. 
 
 Smyrna^ December 26th, 1843. 
 My own dear mother, — It is a great comfort to me that 
 I am able to commence my writing to you again, for I feel 
 as if indeed separated from you, when I cannot come and 
 tell you all that interests me. O, how sweet your letter 
 was to me ! We received it last Saturday, and every 
 time I read it, I feel as if I heard your voice, and pressed 
 you to my heart, and could look into your eyes. Its sweet 
 influence follows me wherever I go and whatever I do. 
 
 Oh, how often I thank God for giving me such parents ! 
 Now while I am coming out into the world, beginning to 
 think and act for myself, 1 feel continually that the holy 
 influences which blest my childhood and youth, in that 
 home of New England, are the richest of inheritances. 
 And my mother, when there come painful thoughts about 
 the separation, I look beyond this life, to the time when 
 we shall live together in heaven. How like a mother is 
 every line of your letter, but if you forget the hours of sor- 
 row and care I may have cost you, and remember only the 
 little comfort I may have been, I cannot forget them. 
 How many things I would alter if I lived my life over 
 again. How tenfold more carefully would I consult all 
 
236 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 your wishes. Those were pleasant hours when we sat 
 together and sewed and talked, and when we walked on 
 the hill together ! I have been reminded of them while 
 sitting here with my Smyrna mamma, and threading her 
 needle as I used to do for you. Yes, dear mother, I will 
 " try to be a comfort to her," and to you also. May God 
 enable me to give you satisfaction in all that I do. I will 
 try to follow all your wishes, all your counsels. Oh, tell 
 me as you ever have, what you wish me to do and be, and 
 may you see, that all your care of me, your faithful tender 
 care and love for so many years, has not been quite lost 
 upon your daughter. 
 
 I closed my journal to you the morning we came in 
 sight of Smyrna. That day 1 never can forget, so brightly 
 shone the sun upon the water and the beautiful shores. 
 Smyrna lay far in the distance, with its red roofed houses. 
 Then my meeting with H's. friends and my Eastern life 
 was all in the future ; but a few hours after it began to be 
 present ; and now Smyrna seems almost another home, 
 and these friends have ceased to be strangers. It was late 
 in the afternoon, perhaps four o'clock, when we spied the 
 boat containing H.'s brothers coming towards us. We 
 were some miles from the city, but they had gained per- 
 mission to come on board, provided they too would go into 
 quarantine, if the Stamboul went. How my heart beat 
 when those six tall young men, all joyous in meeting H. 
 came along side. I staid in the cabin till H. called me, 
 which was as soon as they were fairly on deck and 
 I went through the meeting very pleasantly, for they 
 were kind, good, frank, and very happy, so we soon be- 
 came friends. The captain, who went on shore to obtain 
 "pratique,'' by some mistake of the officers did not suc- 
 ceed, and so the whole company remained all night on 
 board. Abram, one of the clerks, came to see what was 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 237 
 
 the matter, but nothing could be done to help it. They 
 heaped on coal to make the fire burn brightly in the parlor 
 at home, and waited in vain for us to appear. Just at 
 dusk, while standing on deck, I was taken suddenly very 
 ill, and my illness increased so during the night, that I 
 thought I never could be moved into the city, and almost 
 concluded I must die in the Stamboul, but as morn ap- 
 proached there w^as some mitigation of my sufferings. 
 The captain obtained "pratique" by dawn, and a light 
 breexe took us in amongst the shipping to the place for an- 
 chorage. I was so weak and exhausted 1 feared it would 
 be impossible for me to go on shore, but by H.'s assistance 
 I was placed in the arm chair and lowered by the sailors 
 into the little boat. I was as you may well imagine, in a 
 sad, strange state. The boat glided on as over a summer 
 sea, and the cool morning air revived me. I was so weak 
 that I scarcely know how we met on shore ; but sick as I 
 was, I shall never forget the beautiful sight they all made 
 coming along the court to meet us. At length I was 
 placed quietly upon the sofa in mamma's room, and then 
 I was at rest. 
 
 December 27M. My dear mother, — I am writing to you 
 in my own house, and in a very pleasant parlor. A beau- 
 tiful clear morning is shining, but it is very cold, and it is 
 strange that 1 feel the cold here more than I ever did in 
 America. Our house is quite a warm one for this place, 
 and the little parlor in which I am writing is heated by a 
 cheerful grate. The two little tables on either side the fire 
 place are ornamented by the gifts of my friends. The 
 work box which Mrs. E. gave me is a treasure. One 
 large window lights the room, looking on the street, and 
 white muslin curtains, M'ith a pretty green and purple 
 fringe hang very gracefully over it. Our little room I am 
 sure you would call quite cheerful. It has an American 
 look. Our desire is to have things neat, plain and in taste, 
 
238 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 SO that we can be comfortable, and have it pleasant for our 
 friends. 
 
 Dear father left for Constantinople the very day we 
 came to our house, which was last Friday, and will return 
 in a few weeks and stay with us. Our house is so com- 
 fortable and the prospect from it so beautiful, that I fear 
 we shall become too much attached to it. Could you but 
 have one look from our terrace, of the gulf and the noble 
 amphitheatre of mountains rising in a sky of cloudless blue, 
 you would understand why H. loves his country so* well. 
 But I trust we are willing to leave this place whenever 
 duty calls. We have given ourselves to the work of mis- 
 sions, and if it will best promote that cause for us to labor 
 elsewhere, would not you, dear mother, trust us in God's 
 hands, and be willing for us to leave Smyrna ? It may be, 
 and perhaps will be best for us to remove to Constantino- 
 ple. The thing will not be done hastily. Mrs. V. L. ap- 
 pears very sweetly about it, and irt the trial of giving up H. 
 knows better how to sympathize with you, dear mother. 
 God will direct. The situation at C. is one which H. 
 is well calculated to fill. It is very interesting too, to 
 become the guide of young Armenians ; for if he goes he is 
 to be connected with the seminary. Here I am in the 
 midst of a pleasant circle of friends, but I am willing to go 
 with dear H. cheerfully amongst strangers. At first, the 
 thought was very painful. All my sympathies are in 
 Smyrna. You know I have loved it for years. 
 
 To her father on his birth day. 
 
 My own dear father, — How little we thought last De- 
 cember that when next your birth-day morning should 
 shine, it would find you on the shores of the Mediterrane- 
 an, in the land where prophets and apostles have lived and 
 labored. So strange is our life! so little we know what 
 even a day, much less a year, will bring! And yet, dear 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 239 
 
 father, have we not as our years roll away, increasing 
 cause for trust in God, and for gratitude to Him, who fills 
 our cup with so many blessings ? 
 
 We have come, dear father, your two children, here in 
 this Eastern land, to offer our earnest wishes, that the life 
 which God has so graciously preserved these many years, 
 may still be blessed with his favor and love ; and that 
 your labors in his cause, which in times past have been so 
 richly crowned with his favor, may still enjoy the smiles of 
 his approbation. 
 
 Do you wish to know how my heart feels about our re- 
 moval to Constantinople? I think that as a missionary I 
 can say I am ready to go cheerfully, wherever Christ's 
 cause can be best promoted by our feeble labors ; and I 
 hope that this plan is from him, and one which he will own 
 and bless. I know that I need not ask your prayers. I 
 am persuaded that you continually remember us in our 
 work, and that when you return to your sphere of useful- 
 ness, you will rejoice in the thought that we are endeavor- 
 ing to diffuse among those who do not know our Saviour, 
 the light of truth which he has in love granted us. Mrs. 
 Van Lennep has indeed a hard struggle in giving up Hen- 
 ry. She knows now how to sympathize with you and my 
 dear mother, but her Christian's feelings rise over every 
 other ; and she said to me, while the tears were in her 
 eyes, after Dr. Anderson left, " 1 have comfort in this 
 promise, 'They that water shall be watered.'" 
 
 And now my dear father, though we are called to en- 
 dure separations and trials in this life, yet let us look for- 
 ward to that higher and holier existence which the gospel 
 reveals. There may we all at last be gathered, with many 
 of those for whom we are laboring. 
 
 Ever your affectionate daughter, 
 
 Mary E. Van Lennep. 
 
 Smyrna, December 22d, 1843. 
 
240 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 The winter that Mary spent in Smyrna, there was to 
 some extent a re-organization of our missions in the East. 
 An important change was made in the Smyrna mission. 
 Some of its laborers returned home, and some were re- 
 moved to other fields. Among the removed was the hus- 
 band of Mary. It was thought that his usefulness would 
 be greatly increased by removing him to another and a 
 wider sphere of action. This was a great and an unex- 
 pected trial to both of them, and particularly to Mary. 
 When she gave herself to the work of missions, it was 
 with the expectation of being located in Smyrna, at least 
 for a consiJerable time, as that was, and had ever been, 
 the field of her husband's labors. All her preparations had 
 been made with reference to that place, and she expected 
 to remain there, until she should become acclimated, and 
 accustomed to Eastern life. She hoped also to have re- 
 mained in her Smyrna home, as she had for some time 
 regarded it, until she should have qualified herself by a 
 study of the languages, to take her place among the mis- 
 sionaries of the East. Added to all, she had friends there, 
 with whom she had corresponded from her childhood, and 
 for two years she had looked to it as her future home. A 
 guiding and overruling providence had led her steps thither, 
 and to human view she was well qualified for the state of 
 society which existed there. 
 
 It is not surprising, therefore, that it should have cost 
 her something of a struggle to bring herself with cheerful- 
 ness to leave the place ; nor that it should have been an 
 additional source of perplexity to her mind, when at length, 
 a new and very important field was assigned as the scene 
 of their future labors, the main burden of which was to 
 rest upon herself, and which would require the united en- 
 ergies both of experience and of physical strength. 
 
 During all this winter they were kept in a continual 
 
MRS MARY E. VAN LENNKP. 241 
 
 state of agitation and suspense, uncertain where they were 
 to be stationed, and what would be their particular sphere 
 of labor. In the mean time they devoted themselves to 
 the languages, and also to what of Christian influence they 
 could exert over the large and interesting field where 
 Providence had placed them, among whom, as Mary said, 
 there were many " they were longing to win to Christ." 
 
 In consequence of this unsettled state of things, they 
 could form no plan of effort which they could pursue for 
 any certain time ; and as a consequence of this, there was 
 no account of labor that could be placed in the annals of 
 missions ; but it is believed that another day will show 
 that some few names at least have found their way into the 
 Lamb's Book of Life, as the result of her brief residence 
 there. 
 
 Extracts from her first S. Journal. 
 
 *' Friday afternoon^ Jan. 12th, 1844. 
 
 " My dearest Mother, I have been wishing these many 
 days to commence my journal to you, yet I have so many 
 things to say I scarcely know where to commence ; and if 
 I were not determined you should have a good idea how 
 my life passes, I should be discouraged from attempting it. 
 But, my dear mother, there is coming an hour, a joyful 
 hour, when in heaven and at rest, H. and you and I can 
 talk over all the dealings of our Father, and ' remember 
 all the way that God has led us.' 
 
 I have told you of the meeting with H.'s friends, and to 
 the time when I entered his mother's room, all bewildered 
 and weak, and found a resting place on the sofa. That 
 first day of my Smyrna life was full of thoughts. The 
 physician was immediately called in, and then all left me 
 but mamma, (my Smyrna mamma,) In the course of the 
 21 
 
242 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 morning Crusula, the Greek woman, appeared with some 
 rice gruel for me. H. shall draw you the picture of a 
 Greek woman sometime. During the afternoon J slept, 
 and when waking heard the clock, which stands in the 
 coridor, striking five, and I had the half bewildered feeling 
 which one has on waking in a strange place, after strange 
 events. Mamma and H. sat in the room with me, and 
 other members of the family came in for a few moments. 
 It was soon dark, and they all left me for supper, and my 
 Greek woman came with something for me. Then I lay 
 alone on the sofa, and while dozing heard the family sing- 
 ing their evening hymn after prayers. The voices all 
 blended so perfectly, and the music came in such a deep 
 rich strain, in half chanting style, that I lay spell boupd, 
 my whole frame thrilled. The words were ' Our days are 
 as the grass,' and though I could not distinguish them, 
 they sang with so much expression 1 could almost tell the 
 sentiments. 
 
 The next morning I had my coffee in bed. Don't be 
 startled, dear mother, it was barley coffee, the family take 
 it for health's sake. Coffee, with a piece of delicious 
 bread was my only breakfast during my illness there, or 
 instead of bread, 1 sometimes had a kind of French crust, 
 which comes from France, and is better for invalids. Cru- 
 sula, or else Adonia, would bring my coffee along the cor- 
 idor as soon as H. went out to breakfast, and then mamma 
 would come immediately after and see how I did. I used 
 to watch for her sweet smile and cheerful voice. Then 
 after prayers she would come and help me dress and take 
 my place on the sofa, The women here are great ene- 
 mies to cold water in sickness. I quite laughed at Cru- 
 sula's idea of heating the water I drank, but I did have to 
 drink boiled water half cooled, some of the time, for I made 
 up my mind to do just as the ladies in this country do. 
 
 The day after my arrival was the Sabbath, you know, 
 
BIRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 243 
 
 The Sabbaths at Mrs. V. L.'s are very still. All go to 
 the Dutch chapel at ten in the morning, and in the after- 
 noon, mamma and several of the family attend the mis- 
 sionary service, which is also in the chapel. From my 
 room I heard no street sounds, for the house is in a court. 
 Occasionally a camel bell, and the bells of the churches, 
 which ring at eight, twelve, and four, during the week, and 
 every half hour on the Sabbath. These were almost all 
 the sounds that came to my room. The bright blue sky 
 looked in at the window, the evening gun sounded at half 
 past seven, the partridges made their voices heard on the 
 terrace, for E. was taming some, and the favorite cat 
 would jump on the window and mew to be admitted. 
 Thus I had few sounds to remind me I was in Asia. 
 Yet many strange things would come under my observa- 
 tion, and even in my room I gradually became acquainted 
 with Smyrna life, and Smyrna beings. As I was able to 
 bear it, the relatives of the family would come one at a 
 time and have a little pleasant chat with me. On Mon- 
 day afternoon the Consul called. He had called before, 
 but I had not been able to see him, and when he came the 
 second time, mamma thought I had better receive him. I 
 dreaded the meeting, yet he was so kind, and his blessing 
 was so patriarchal, that I quickly felt easy. 
 
 The first part of the time I was at Mrs. V. L.'s my mind 
 was occupied very much with my illness. My state 
 seemed rather peculiar, and puzzled them all — of course it 
 puzzled me, and sometimes I thought I should never be 
 well again. I was indeed sick, and suffered much from 
 pain ; but they were all so kind to me, and mamma was 
 so careful, just as you are, that I felt I was indeed amongst 
 friends. 
 
 The first week we were there, H. was occupied with 
 our things, getting them from the ship, and unpacking. 
 
244 ^^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 It was on Monday evening after our arrival that my piano 
 was unpacked, and set up in the large parlor. I was de- 
 lighted to find how much all were pleased, particularly R. 
 whose taste and judgment are so exquisite in music. How 
 thrillingly the tones first sounded ! How they- carried me 
 back to the window beneath the cherry trees in my own 
 dear home. The following days my bureau was unpacked, 
 and the things all taken out to see if they were hurt. I 
 lay on the sofa while one drawer after another was opened 
 
 and brought into the room, and L y undid the things. 
 
 There were the beautiful gifts of my dear friends. How 
 precious every thing was to me, even the very papers they 
 were wrapped in. Oh, mamma, if friendship is so sweet 
 on earth, what mustut be in heaven, where there are no 
 separations, no regrets, to mingle with our love ! 
 
 On the second Sabbath after our arrival, dear father 
 came from Athens. All day on Saturday we watched for 
 the steamer, but not until Sunday morning did it appear. 
 Before breakfast one of the brothers knocked at our door 
 to say that the steamer was in sight, and would be in in 
 half an hour. So H. took coffee and went with Augustus 
 on board. Meantime mamma came to get me ready to see 
 father, but there were so many things for him to do, that 
 he did not come to us till after the family had returned 
 from the chapel. Then he came, and I was so glad. It 
 seemed so strange to him that he was really in Smyrna. 
 Mamma came and saw him, and then he prayed with us. 
 
 The Tuesday after his arrival, I began to be much worse, 
 and on Wednesday morning I was unable to leave my bed. 
 I was weak and full of pain. Those were weary days in 
 bed. 1 counted the hours, and tried every way to beguile 
 the time; sometimes by repeating poetry I had long for- 
 gotten ; sometimes by thinking of home friends, but that, 
 in my state, made the tears come, and then dear H. felt 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 245 
 
 badly, and I could not bear to pain him. He watched 
 every symptom I had, and for his sake I tried to be cheer- 
 ful and patient. During my confinement to my bed, dear 
 father would come and sit hy me a few moments each 
 day. I was very sad at not being able to see him more, 
 and I saw he was sad and worried — and how sorry I felt 
 to be sick while he was in Smyrna." 
 
 It was during this illness that the proposed plan of her 
 husband's removal was made known to her. Her own 
 account of the matter is so simple and touching that it may 
 not be uninteresting if it is inserted here. " At first my 
 heart died within me ; but I prayed much over it. You 
 know how all my interests were in Smyrna, and then I 
 had got the idea that H.'s influence was necessary to his 
 family. The plan seemed pleasant to H., though the idea 
 of leaving his home was trying to him. He felt that the 
 station in the high school was the place for him, and just 
 suited his tastes ; and that so long as he was a missionary 
 his great work must be on unevangelized ground, and that 
 however badly he and his family felt about separating, yet, 
 if he could do more good in any other field he must go. I 
 tried to feel just as he did, and became more and more 
 reconciled to it. Sabbath was a precious day indeed ; we 
 talked and prayed over all our affairs, and felt comforted 
 that God would order all things right. It was a great trial 
 to mamma. She could not speak of it. Her eyes were 
 filled with tears often, and yet she very sweetly gave up 
 H. to the call of duty. Still she clung to the hope of our 
 remaining, for it was not decided. When every body was 
 rejoicing in our pleasant new house, we felt it was not our 
 home ; and I tried to look only to heaven, for we felt there 
 indeed is our only resting place. Every Constantinople 
 steamer we watched for anxiously ; and last week letters 
 21* 
 
246 ^^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 told US that the plan could not be effected. Still we re- 
 main unsettled, for Dr. A. has the opinion that we had bet- 
 ter remove. But we are in God's hands. These trials 
 have been blessed to our hearts, in many ways. It has 
 interested me more in my missionary work, and taught me 
 to look to heaven more. At present H. is occupied with 
 the Turkish language, and perhaps we may live and die in 
 Smyrna. Our greatest desire is to be where we can do 
 the most good, and God will direct us." 
 
 On the day Mary entered her own house, her father left 
 for Constantinople. Just before embarking he had " the 
 pleasure of stepping in, and giving H. and herself his bless- 
 ing," in their new residence. She had hoped to have the sat- 
 isfaction of his society on entering it, but she consoled her- 
 self with the expectation of a long visit when the business 
 which called him to Constantinople should be accom- 
 plished. But she was destined to experience another dis- 
 appointment. Instead of returning and spending the re- 
 mainder of the winter with her as was expected, it was 
 thought necessary for him to go to Trebizond. Of course 
 he must make the voyage of the Black Sea ; and she felt 
 considerable solicitude for his safety during this somewhat 
 hazardous undertaking. And then his stay must be very 
 brief, after his return. He must soon leave those shores 
 for his far off home, and she would look upon him in this 
 world again — never. 
 
 Smyrna, Jan. 19th, 1844. 
 *' My dear Mrs. F. Those quiet hours when I used to 
 talk with you of Eastern life, come often to my memory, 
 now that I am mingling with scenes which then dwelt in 
 the dim future. H. and I very often talk of you, and I tell 
 him so much about the pleasant times I have had in your 
 family, that New Haven scenes and IN^ew Haven friends 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 247 
 
 have become quite familiar. I have brought you all to 
 Smyrna with me in my heart. Oh my dear, dear friends, 
 we are not separated, even by this great ocean ; for if 
 warm affection and continual interest in all that concerns 
 you, can make you feel near to me, though absent, then I 
 shall have you close by my side while I mingle in this new 
 life, so strange and new, that I almost doubt, if I ever 
 were ' M. H.' And yet I have too many recollections con- 
 nected with her life^ and think too much, and too warmly, 
 of the friends she knew, to doubt my personal identity 
 long. The great trial in my intercourse with my dear 
 home is, that it must be so long before I can know what 
 happens there. But we try to trust you all in the hands 
 of our Heavenly Father, while we hope we are preparing 
 our hearts with you, for a happy meeting, when the sins, 
 the sicknesses, and the separations of this life are forever 
 over. 
 
 The talks I have had so many times with you, I find 
 many occasions to remember. Your experience in many 
 things I try to profit by, and something in our household 
 arrangements, is continually reminding me of your ways, 
 and I think how aunt Susan did such and such things. I 
 have many scenes which I could describe to you, of our 
 life here. In my journal to mamma, I try to keep her 
 informed of all that passes, and to let her know how Ori- 
 ental life appears to me. But you will want to know 
 whether my anticipations agreed with the reality. You 
 know I always feared to anticipate much, and so I was 
 not likely to be disappointed ; but if I had anticipated 
 much more, there would have been no danger of disap- 
 pointment. 1 find myself in the midst of a warm hearted, 
 affectionate, sincere circle, who treat me as one of them. 
 I have every thing I could wish so far as their intercourse 
 with me is concerned. Mrs. V. L. is a very lovely lady, 
 
248 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 and it is a pleasure to call her ' mamma,' and to look up to 
 her for counsel and guidance. In her I have found one 
 who in a measure supplies the need I feel for my own 
 precious mother. 
 
 I like every thing in the manner of living. H. laughs 
 and says I was made to he an ' Oriental.' 1 believe I have 
 surprised them allj by falling in so readily with the ordi- 
 nary Eastern mode of life, and they say it must be, because 
 I came prepared to be pleased, and had not the prejudices 
 that Americans generally have. 
 
 But why should I write these things. My heart is not 
 now thinking of Smyrna, it has come to your room, and it 
 longs for an assurance that this winter has not made you 
 worse. O could I know that you were better! God leads 
 us, dear aunt S.j by different ways, to prepare us for a 
 holier existence. He tries our characters by the discipline 
 they most need. It will he blessed to reach at last the 
 heavenly world ! The happier 1 am here, the more I look 
 forward to heaven. I think increasing affection makes our 
 spirits look forward more earnestly, to a higher existence, 
 and We seek in the hopes which the knowledge of that 
 higher existence brings, the pledge of a continued and en- 
 during affection, beyond this fleeting life. The scenes 
 through which I have passed these last six months, have 
 introduced me to many new incidents in life's great drama ; 
 and 1 think changing to a life so very unlike what my 
 childhood has been, makes this world seem more what it 
 really is, a passing shadow ; while all that is connected 
 with the soul and its destinies, assumes a far deeper 
 importance. 
 
 I need not tell you, that it is interesting to become ac- 
 quainted with new modes of thinking, and new forms of 
 character. I find, however, that I am still in the midst of 
 human beings^ with human sympathies — but I am contin- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 249 
 
 ually reminded that I am in the midst of a land, where the 
 reHgion of Jesus does not shed its benign influence. A true 
 Christian is a rare being here ; and yet there are such, and 
 their silent influence works slowly but surely. 
 
 Our house is most delightful. It stands on the sea-side ; 
 and we have a garden filled with roses, and orange and 
 lemon trees, now in bloom and bearing ripe fruit too. The 
 view from our terrace is the finest I ever looked upon. 
 The Gulf reposes in the midst of noble and picturesque 
 mountain scenery, and over all is thrown an exquisite 
 violet and rose coloring, the charm of all these skies. An 
 Austrian frigate is anchored in front of our house, about 
 forty rods from the shore, and when lowering their flag at 
 sunset, the band connected with it play every evening, 
 with exquisite taste, a slow and solemn hymn ; which H. 
 says is a prayer of itself. 
 
 I thank you very much for your precious lock of hair, and 
 for the kind words I received from you both, just before 
 our departure. That was a sad parting in Boston. You, 
 my dear aunt S., I know will remember us and pray for us. 
 We shall meet again, to ^ talk of all the way our God has 
 led us.' It will not be here — but through grace it may be 
 in heaven." 
 
 Smyrna, Jan. 24th, 1844. 
 *' My own precious Mother. Your welcome letter of 
 Nov. 30th, came yesterday. As I was passing the glass 
 door, which opens on the terrace, I caught a glimpse of the 
 French steamer off at some distance, and I hoped some 
 news would reach us from you. We have a fine view of 
 every vessel that comes along the Gulf, and my heart pal- 
 pitates between hope and fear, every time I see the thin 
 cloud of smoke rising over a dark hulled boat. O, my 
 
250 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 dearest mother, my thoughts of you turn into prayers con- 
 tinually. Only can I keep quiet by prayer, when I remem- 
 ber the distance which separates us. When each evening 
 we remember before our Father's throne, our dear absent 
 ones, it is a comfort to think that God loves you with an 
 everlasting love, and can do for you far more than our most 
 ardent wishes could desire. Dear mother, God is our best 
 friend. He knows just what we need. Oj how sweet to 
 trust him, and to trust each other with him, during our 
 separation. 
 
 I have always so much to say, that now I have begun to 
 limit myself to so much time a day for writing, I do not 
 love to know any thing which you do not know; But I 
 think there i& conrlirlga time, when in peace and at rest, we 
 can talk over all the way our God has led us. Oh, my 
 dear mother, for that blessed hour I do try to prepare, and 
 my thoughts look forward tnore and more to that world, 
 where we can all be together with our Father, and where 
 there is no more sin. Pray for me, that my heart may be 
 kept. I am in danger continuallyi I deeply feel, of grow- 
 ing neglectful of the only important things — and yet, the 
 danger is more from my own evil heart, than from outside 
 circutnstances. You know my not being well, or able to 
 mix in general society, has permitted me to have much 
 time for quiet reflection ; and I do thank God for it. It is 
 just vvhat I have needed, and I have had some heart- 
 searching times, when I have felt that none but my Saviour 
 could help me. It is a comfort to talk with H., for he has 
 gone down very deep into the heart, and he understands 
 the manner of spirit which we ought to cherish ; and when 
 we have our quiet talks about Christ and heaven, my own 
 soul feels encouraged and refreshed. The missionary work 
 grows in importance too, and I long to be doing something 
 that will lead these dark minds to the light of the gospel. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 251 
 
 lam keeping a journal in which I write every few days. 
 I have already sent you one from this place, and I want it 
 should go home very fast, for 1 am anxious you should 
 know all about our life — all that interests us. I think that 
 I do not feel very far separated from you. I look off' on 
 the blue waters, which shine beneath the bold cape Kara- 
 borna, which bear on their bosom the good ships, by means 
 of which we can talk together, though separated, and it does 
 not seem a very immense way to America. And then, I 
 know that we continually meet in prayer at our Father's 
 throne, and that he looks upon us and watches us, as if we 
 were still together, and if daily conmiunion can ever bring 
 friends near, then we are very near. Only when I know 
 that you have been sick, I feel troubled that I was not by 
 to lighten a little your daily cares. I picture you moving 
 ^boutin the rooms at home, and each parlor with its open 
 doors, and the table in the centre, and your rocking chair, 
 and the stools^ and the thermometer, and all the various 
 articles come up with a distinctness which makes me for- 
 get I am five thousand miles from you. Oh, mamma, it 
 would be very hard, if it were not for the hopes of heaven. 
 But are not those sweet and ver}'' glorious hopes ? And 
 cannot we bear the separation, dearest mother, when we 
 think too that every step was ordered by God ; and that H. 
 and I are in the midst of a dark land, striving, though with 
 feeble means, to give to those around us the light which 
 we enjoy ? Oh, yes, I am sure you would not call us 
 home. 
 
 Mamma leans on H., and I fear it will be a sad trial 
 should we go away. She is so kind to us, and watchful 
 for our comfort, that it will be to me like leaving home a 
 second time, should we go. Yet H. longs to have a larger 
 field of usefulness, and though it is a great trial to think of 
 leaving this circle whom we are longing to win to Christy, 
 
252 ^'^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 yet I hope we are willing to go. I do not know what the 
 younger members of the family would say, if they thought 
 there was a possibility of our going away. We have sweet 
 talks together, while I love to watch their opening minds, 
 and the unfolding of their Christian character. All four 
 are here at our Bible Class on Sunday evenings, and they 
 stay afterwards and read D'Aubigne in French. Mr. 
 Adger is translating it into Armenian. How interesting it 
 will be to that people, for their circumstances are similar 
 to Luther's times. 
 
 29th. Yesterday I attended church for the first time 
 since that rainy Sabbath in October, when we rode to 
 Park-street church together. The chapel is in the court 
 of the Dutch Consul, and much more like a church than I 
 expected. It is very small, but has an aisle and slips and 
 pulpit, besides a kind of pulpit in which the Consul sits. 
 It is the custom to pray silently, leaning forward, on first 
 going into church ; and the gentlemen in the French ser- 
 vice, stand when they first enter the slip, with the hat be- 
 fore the face, and pray for a blessing silently. It is an 
 appropriate custom, if their hearts are in it. 
 
 Dear mother, I thought a great deal about you on thanks- 
 giving. I lived over and over again the pleasant thanks- 
 giving days we have passed at home, and I hoped you 
 "would not feel very lonely now we were away." 
 
 Journal. 
 
 " Jan. \ltli. Went this afternoon with mamma, to call 
 on Mrs. Adger. In our walk we stopped at the Dutch 
 Hospital, and passed into the grave yard. I stood by E.'s 
 grave. It is a sweet, quiet place, beneath the trees. It 
 will be pleasant resting there when our work is over, till 
 the resurrection morn." 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 253 
 
 " 21th. Dear mamma, I have been thinking for the past 
 few days, what would be the use of attending to these 
 various duties,* if it were not for the discipline they are to 
 us, and for their effect on the character ; and how tired 
 those must be of a daily routine, who look only at this 
 world. But things are so pleasant and so important, 
 viewed in relation to a future state.'* 
 
 '* 29^A. On Saturday evening, we had a pleasant re- 
 hearsal, and practiced ' Let us with a joyful mind,' to sing 
 in church. We took only the air, and not the whole anthem, 
 and found the other verses belonging to the Psalm, and 
 yesterday afternoon it was sung. The boys love to prac- 
 tice with us the Anthems and Choruses of the Boston 
 Academy Collection, and 'Night shades no longer,' ' Now 
 elevate the sign of Judah,' and ' Glory be to God,' carry 
 me back to our old organ, and I think I am home again." 
 
 3\st. I have begun Greek in earnest, and say a lesson 
 every day to H. and write a French conversation also. 
 The Hodja| tells me a Turkish word, and Demetro a 
 Greek one, for both seem inclined to have me speak some- 
 thing besides English. I shall learn by little and little, yet 
 very slowly. When ill at mamma's, Crusula, who only 
 spoke Greek, tried to teach me simple words, such as 
 bread, water, salt, &c. and I was forced to learn, so as to 
 make her understand what 1 wanted. She was determin- 
 ed to teach me, and persevered in making me pronounce 
 after her as she stood before me with my dish of food. 
 
 Demetro took dinner here to-day. When he came in he 
 surprised'me with "good morning," in evident satisfaction 
 
 * Some rather monotonous household duties, to which she was in 
 the hubit of attending, and of which she had just been speaking. 
 t Turkish Teacher. 
 22 
 
254 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 at being able to say a word to me in English. He and the 
 Hodjah both have learned good nnorning, and I make out by- 
 much thought to say their Turkish and Greek salutations. 
 The Hodjah quite laughed yesterday at my thinking coun- 
 tenance, just before he left, as if 1 were conning over my 
 lesson. 
 
 The Turks have far less of scorn for foreigners than they 
 formerly had. The Protestants they particularly like, and 
 call them Free masons, but the Catholics they detest 
 for their image worship. While 1 am disgusted with the 
 absurdities of their faith, and with the ways they devise to 
 keep each others courage up, and also to keep away the 
 truth which is shining more and more as they have inter- 
 course with other nations, still I am very much interested 
 in them as men. If we look upon them as having feelings 
 and sympathies in common with us, we shall be the more 
 interested in their eternal welfare. We shall long to see 
 them brought to the knowledge of the only true religion. 
 
 We have received letters which tell us we are candid- 
 ates for Trebizond. You know that is an increasingly in- 
 teresting field, but there are weighty reasons why it is best 
 we should not go there. 
 
 While we were writing dear father on the subject. Dr. 
 Smith, bound for Mosul, came in. He gave us s\. very inr 
 teresting account of the work at Trebizond, amongst the 
 Armenians. After he was gone I went to pray over my 
 feelings, and walked a little on the terrace. Dear mother, 
 my earnest desire is to feel so deep and abiding an interest 
 in this work, which we feel to be indeed the best, and the 
 most worthj'^ of all our efforts, that no personal sacrifices 
 shall cool my ardor. It was over this that I prayed when 
 I walked on the terrace. 
 
 H. is writing a sermon on a very interesting topic, ^' Our 
 life, so little in itself, so important in its consequences," and 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 255 
 
 I am deeply interested in the thoughts it brings. How im- 
 portant all things become viewed in the light of eternity, 
 and the missionary work especially increases in interest, 
 when thus viewed. Dear mother, we do not know what 
 the gospel is doing for us, until we see the ' darkness and 
 shadow of death' which exists without its blessed light. 
 The more I become acquainted with the East, the more 
 precious does the love of God and His service appear." 
 
 '' February 1 3'7i. Last Friday was a warm sunshiny day, 
 so after doing various little things in the morning, and wri- 
 ting to dear father at Constantinople, we took our dinner 
 and sallied forth for a walk to Caravan bridge, that famous 
 bridge over the Meles, with the tall, dark cypresses on 
 either side, beneath which the Turkish tomb-stones rise, 
 and with its innumerable strings of camels and donkeys, 
 and men of all conditions and all appearances, — that bridge 
 I have seen at last. We went through one narrow, dark 
 street after another, for a long time, where every thing is 
 so foreign that the very idea of a street like home seems 
 strange. I sigh for a clean, open, bright American street. 
 When we passed through the Armenian quarter^ we looked 
 in at the courts and saw pleasant fountains and green 
 leaves ; and the bright aspect within, was a strange con- 
 trast to the buildings without. That quarter seemed 
 brighter throughout than the Greek quarter, and one street 
 in particular was broad and comfortable, but in general the 
 broken paving stones hurt the feet badly. The bridge is 
 a little out of the city, and before we reached it, we passed 
 some of the gardens and the aspect was a little country 
 like. I had seen nothing so much like the country since I 
 left home, arid it reminded me somewhat of large farm gar- 
 dens ' like,'' hut oh, how different. There was green grass 
 growing beneath trees loaded with fruit. Orange trees 
 
256 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 they were. The tall, towering Castle hill rose on one side 
 of us, with the old frowning ruins which seemed almost to 
 touch the clouds, and the gardens were on the other side. 
 We should call that Castle hill a real high mountain. 
 Then we came to the cypress trees, the old solemn trees, 
 growing so thick and dark I almost held my breath with 
 awe. There lay thousands who lived and died followers 
 of the false prophet. Among all those white stones, sur- 
 mounted with their turbans, there is not one which marks 
 a Christian's grave. There sleep those whom the plague 
 has mown down. It is a crowded city, so full I should 
 think there was no room for another to rest. We sat to rest 
 on some seats, just below the bridge one side, and watched 
 the throng of passers. Many people walk there, to see 
 and to be seen. 
 
 15th. My dear mother, you speak in your last concerning 
 my being injured by the worldly-mindedness around me. 
 I try to be careful. If constant prayer and many fears will 
 keep my heart from being drawn from my work, then dear 
 mother, you may hope I shall not forget the object for 
 which I came to these lands. O, for your sake, for the 
 sake of all who love and pray for us, we long to approve 
 ourselves as true, self-denying missionaries. I can not 
 trust in myself, my only hope is in Jesus. My tempta- 
 tions are somewhat different here, but they are not much 
 increased. Indeed if you knew the quiet life I lead, you 
 would rejoice. It is sweet to watch the ripening piety of 
 some of the younger members of the family ; and then our 
 Bible class warms my heart. And when I am in our 
 church, our quiet little chapel, listening to the prayers and 
 sermons and joining in the sacred songs, my heart feels 
 happy that I am not quite debarred from gospel privileges. 
 I hope we shall have a female prayer-meeting ; this will be 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 257 
 
 another help. But I long to engage in something more 
 active^ when so many are around me in such sad errors. 
 It does increase a missionary spirit to see the state of things 
 here, and I hope by God's grace 1 shall be able to deny my- 
 self for their good. There are some dear ones here, with 
 whom 1 can as yet say very little. I long to draw them 
 to me and to whisper about better things. Sometimes I 
 try a little, and I pray for them. 
 
 I can not live without much time spent in the quiet study 
 of my Bible, and in serious thought, but I do not as I once 
 did, nearly wear myself out in feeling, though sometimes 
 the old spirit creeps over me. And though I feel more 
 deeply than ever my sins, and have earnest longings to be 
 free from every hindrance to a holy life, yet I find the way 
 to grow better is to look to God in humble, fervent prayer, 
 and not to sit brooding over my short comings. 
 
 The trials of this winter have called many feelings into 
 exercise, and have been a nciv, but needed discipline, par- 
 ticularly the trials connected with our leaving Smyrna. I 
 have shrunk from going away because I dreaded the trials. 
 This has humbled me, and has led me to look at the mis- 
 sionary work, and to daily ardent prayer, that I might 
 have a right spirit. I have feared to pray that we might 
 stay in Smyrna. I could not utter such a prayer ; but I 
 have earnestly sought a spirit which would make me happy 
 wherever duty called me. Sometimes I have succeeded, 
 sometimes not, but I trust I do improve in right feelings. 
 I say to myself '' Our Father in Heaven knows best. We 
 are liable to err, even with the best intentions ; we will 
 carry our cause to God, and ask him to bless all these 
 trials, and to give us wisdom for the future, and wherein 
 we have erred, to pardon us for Christ's sake." And if I 
 can cherish this spirit, dear mother, do not you think our 
 trials will be blest to us } 
 22* 
 
258 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 19th. Early on Sabbath morning. Nicoli came to tell us 
 the steamer was coming ; so H. dressed and went in a boat, 
 while 1 staid on the terrace till I spied them returning. 
 There was my dear, precious father. He has had a pleas- 
 ant time, but it is good to have him with us again ; his in- 
 fluence is so sweet, and his sound, candid advice is worth 
 so much to us. In the afternoon dear father preached a 
 sermon which refreshed us very much. '♦ The Gospel, 
 the power of God to salvation." The streets were crowd- 
 ed, markets every where, for 'tis carnival now, and the 
 sweet atmosphere of our little chapel was in striking con- 
 trast with the streets, v/here were crowdsof gay, degraded 
 beings. 
 
 In the evening we had our Bible class, and father told 
 me the plan was proposed of our going to Constantinople, 
 H. to be engaged with the Armenians, but chiefly for the 
 reason of establishing a female school. I started at the 
 idea, but father explained to me that the responsibility 
 would not be so great as I feared ; for they would have 
 only a few in the commencement, and I should acquire 
 experience as I went along. What they want is the influ- 
 ence of a Christian family to be exerted over those who 
 are to become the wives and mothers of the Armenian na- 
 tion. What a field ! How interesting ! How responsi- 
 ble ! But am I adequate to the undertaking ? I fear the 
 sacrifices I am called to make will influence my judgment, 
 and damp my desire to train those young girls for useful- 
 ness. I do not like the idea of becoming the head of a 
 boarding school, and superintending all its concerns. I 
 love a quiet way of living too well to make the idea of be- 
 coming a matron very pleasant. This causes me, I fear, 
 to magnify the difficulties ; and then, mi/ heart clings to 
 Smyrna. The matter is all to be talked over — to be con- 
 sidered in all its lights, and may God direct. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 259 
 
 *^ 2lst. Again I am alone, dear mother, and I come to 
 talk with you. I feel the need of prayer more than ever 
 before. I find that when 1 am so engaged, my feelings 
 become nearer rioht than at other times. How I Ions: to 
 lay aside the evil of my heart, and the prejudices I have. 
 You know 1 have always disliked a school, and a boarding 
 school particularly, and I am distressed that I should feel 
 this still. I mean to put it all down, for I am convinced 
 it is foolish as well as sinful. Besides, it is to be a family, 
 and not an ordinary boarding school. Then it will be the 
 way to become acquainted with Armenian females gener- 
 ally, and thus to preach to them the gospel. The Arme- 
 nians desire it very much. Their females must be raised. 
 We shall wait the leadings of Providence, and we pray 
 that God will do, not what would spare us sacrifices, but 
 what will be best for this people. 
 
 I am full of sorrow that this pleasant circle must be bro- 
 ken lip. This is the last week we can all be together. I 
 pity Mr. and Mrs. Temple. Their hearts bleed to give up 
 the object for which they have so long labored — the poor 
 Greeks. How I wish Mrs. Temple's mantle of devoted- 
 ness might fall on me." 
 
 ** 27th. Dear mother, 1 have much to say. When H, 
 returned from the meeting on Wednesday, he said that 
 every thing favored our going to Constantinople, and so we 
 thought that God's hand was in it. After dinner, Dr. A. 
 came over to talk with us, and the matter was decided. 
 Sometimes my heart died within me — to be at the head of 
 a seminary, and to have no home but in a boarding school. 
 But I walked in the garden, and prayed and thought of all 
 sides in the question. True, it would be connected with 
 some disadvantages — but what station of usefulness is 
 without its trials. True, our own home might lose some 
 
260 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEf. 
 
 of its quiet, but then we should be helping to nnake happy 
 homes for many others. True, I disliked a boarding school, 
 and had some prejudices hard to be overcome — but the 
 idea of a thing being unpleasant, is a very foolish reason 
 for giving up a good work. And then it will never be an 
 American boarding school. What is most needed is, to 
 have a sweet Christian family influence over the training 
 minds of the young females. The number must be small, 
 and the charge, in a merely worldly point of view, will not 
 be great. We have looked very closely at that part, for 
 neither H. nor father vt'ould consent to have me in a situa* 
 tion where I should be weighed down with care. And then 
 H. will be in a much more useful sphere in Constantinople, 
 than he can be here. He will have continual opportuni- 
 ties for religious conversation, not only with the pupils and 
 their parents, bat with others who will be attracted by the 
 school. Besides, he will open a room in C. for religious 
 conversation, and will commence preaching as soon as he 
 is master of the language. His knowledge of the Turkish 
 will enable him, even now, to commence his labors. Well, 
 mamma, this is the outline of the thoughts I have had, and 
 I have had, beside, many shades of thought and feeling) 
 with regard to all these, and my mind is persuaded that it 
 is the work for us to do — and I thank God for permitting 
 us to look forward to such a work, and I pray that he will 
 give us strength and right feelings. 
 
 I have looked at all the sacrifices. I shrank from them 
 at first, and then felt deeply grieved that 1 should be reluc- 
 tant to bear some burdens, when the work was such a glo- 
 rious one, and when God had blessed m6 so. But, my 
 dear mother, 1 have prayed continually over the subject. 
 I am willing now to endure trials — to engage in a work 
 which is so worthy of a far better and wiser person than 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 261 
 
 I. I have committed myself all to Christ, that he may 
 lead me, and work in me, and by me." 
 
 To M. 
 
 Smyrna, Feb. 22d, 1844. 
 
 ** My dear precious sister. Your letter, so long and 
 interesting, has this evening reached me, and while H. and 
 my dear father have gone to our weekly meeting, I sit 
 down to have a quiet long talk. I am ready to answer 
 every question you ask, and many more beside, and also 
 to tell you every thing which can be comprised in the short 
 space of a letter. I think I know just what you would 
 like to learn. From books only a general idea of these 
 countries can be obtained ; but I had become, through H., 
 so well acquainted with Asia Minor, that when I sailed 
 down the Gulf of Smyrna, on the morning of the 24th of 
 November, the mountains, the old sea castle, the red roofed 
 city, the cypress trees rising solemnly toward the skj^, all 
 seemed familiar things, and I greeted them as if they were 
 not strangers. 
 
 On landing, we went to Mrs. V. L.'s, the motherof H., 
 where we remained a month in the midst of a most lovely 
 circle of friends. As I was quite an invalid, I was contined 
 to the sofa and bed nearly all the time, but I had every 
 attention and every comfort. Things here, are not essen- 
 tially different from American ways of living; our houses 
 are very pleasant, and the cooking very nice ; and one can 
 live here very well so far as this world goes. The streets 
 to be sure are gloomy, dirty and narrow, but you have only 
 to knock at the heavy barn like looking doors, and you are 
 at once ushered into courts, often beautifully paved, and 
 pass up into apartments which look as romantic as if they 
 were made for story books. There are many Europeans 
 
262 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 here, Franks as they are called, and they are mostly Cath- 
 olics. Indeed, we Protestants are a feeble band, in the 
 midst of Greeks, Catholics, Jews, Turks, Armenians and 
 people from every part of the earth. Tiirbaned heads 
 look quite familiar. I have ceased to wonder at atiy thing, 
 excepting the other day when a carriage passed, I did 
 wonder. It was a great sight. I should love to describe 
 minutely every thing, but that would be impossible. 
 
 The latter part of December, we came to our house, 
 situated finely on tbe sea side, with a garden and place for 
 bathing, and our winter has passed delightfully. Still we 
 have felt quite unsettled, for it has been decided that Smyrna 
 is not to be our home, but that we are to remove to Con- 
 stantinople. It is a trial to leave this dear place, which 
 seems indeed like home to me, and which is full of so many 
 delightful associations as the home of my dear H.; and it is 
 a great trial also to leave these precious friends. But the 
 station we are called to fill at C., is a most interesting and 
 important one, and we go cheerfully, trusting that God will 
 prosper us, and give us strength to do much for him. 
 
 The steamers bring every place very near, and we have 
 constant communication with Marseilles, Trieste, Greece, 
 Constantinoplcj and in fact every place around. We are 
 in the midst of the busy world, in the central point be- 
 tween Europe and Asia, so that our minds are kept wide 
 awake. I have so many things to say concerning all sub- 
 jects, dear M , that I scarcely know how to give you a cor- 
 rect idea of any thing. I believe it is a general fact, that 
 the Orientals are regarded by us Americans as semi-barba- 
 rians, or at best as grown-up children. Nothing is more 
 erroneous. The more we associate with them, the more 
 we feel that they are entitled to respect and friendship, as 
 much so as any polite^ agreeable people in our own land, 
 who are without true religion. With them we must ob- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 263 
 
 serve the same strict rules of propriety, the same careful 
 attention to win them to the truth without disgusting them. 
 They have the same hopes, fears, affections that we have, 
 but their views of religious truth are dark and cheerless. 
 To pray long prayers, and to observe strictly the fasts, are 
 the great things with them. They know no higher motive 
 from w^hich to act, than self interest, and consequently are 
 not guided by principle. 
 
 What the missionary has to do on first coming out, is to 
 hire a house, engage a teacher of the language he wishes 
 to learn, and strive as fast as possible to become acquainted 
 with Oriental habits and modes of thinking. By degrees 
 he gets introduced to one and another, as any person in 
 coming into a new place does. He interests those whom 
 he designs to benefit, in various wa3^s, and gradually leads 
 them to converse upon serious subjects. It has been found 
 productive of much evil to attack their religions directly. 
 You must strive to win their confidence, and have familiar 
 talks upon religious subjects with them. In this way you 
 can gradually pour light into their minds, set them to 
 inquiring, and sow some seeds of truth, which by God's 
 blessing may spring up and bear fruit. Patience and per- 
 severance are exceedingly needed by a missionary. You 
 will perhaps be surprised when I tell you, that the great- 
 est trial of a missionary, is the effect upon his own spirit, of 
 mingling with such a mass of worldliness. Especially is 
 this the case here, where there are so many things to inter- 
 est, and where there are not the helps to a Christian course 
 which are found in a land of Bibles and Sabbaths. Another 
 great trial is to see so many whose minds are full of error, 
 and to know that you can do comparatively little to remove 
 it. Oh, how often my heart has ached, when I have looked 
 upon the crowds that throng these streets, and know that 
 there is scarce one among theui all, who knows any thing 
 
264 ^I^^- *^ARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 about true religion. It is sad to look at their crowded 
 burial places, beneath the cypress trees, and think how dark 
 their end has been. These are a missionary's trials here ; 
 but personal trials are very few. Many are the comforts 
 and pleasant things about this life in the East. Those who 
 come out here as strangers, always have letters to intro- 
 duce them to some one, and in every place there is some 
 resident, who can and will assist those who come, to some 
 extent." 
 
 " Feb. 2ith. In reading over the preceding lines, I 
 think I may give you the impression that there are no trials 
 here, about our way of living. Of course this cannot be 
 said. But I find things so much pleasanter than I expect- 
 ed, that I am delighted with the East. I came determined 
 to be pleased, and I find it a very easy matter. 
 
 And now to return to your questions, you see that I 
 have had m}^ mind upon them in all that I have been say- 
 ing, but it is impossible in one letter to answer them all 
 minutely. I have tried to tell you something of our life 
 here, because I think, in general, persons in America look 
 upon the East erroneously. There are many discomforts 
 in the interior of the country, but in the Smyrna mission, 
 the privations are not worth the thought. In a future let- 
 ter, dear M., 1 can tell you minutely about the habits here ; 
 some of them would, I am sure, please you very much. 
 I feel as if I were reading aa interesting book all the time. 
 As to language, almost every one on the earth is heard in 
 our streets. Our family friends all speak French among 
 themselves, but unfortunately for my improvement in 
 French they nearly all speak English too. Greek is the 
 language of the servants, and I begin to pick up a few of 
 the common words, and I make use of signs in a most 
 amusing manner. We shall commence Armenian iramc- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 265 
 
 diately, for our residence in C. and our work there require 
 a knowledge of it. 
 
 We all dress in the European style. The Frank dress 
 is also adopted by many of the Greeks and Armenians. 
 But many Frank ladies when they grow old put on the 
 Greek dress. Mrs. V. L., my Smyrna mother, dresses in 
 Greek style. 
 
 As to scenery, I wish you could have one view of what 
 I look upon every day from our terrace. The beautiful gulf, 
 the mountains around it, so picturesque, and often bathed 
 in the violet light which is ^he charm of these countries, 
 the curious old dwellings, the dark cypresses, the Castle 
 hill rising behind the city, so very high it seems to reach 
 the sky, and the grey ruins upon its summit, which have 
 frowned down upon the city ever since the days of our 
 Saviour — all these, and many m.ore things I might men- 
 tion, awaken deep emotions each day as I gaze upon them. 
 Here Polycarp the Martyr died ; here the early Christians 
 lived. It would have been sweet, dear M., to have spent 
 our lives in laboring here, but it is thought we can accom- 
 plish more good at Constantinople, and so we are going. 
 
 The Franks here are mostly Catholics, but all our near 
 relatives are Protestants. At the Consul's there is a 
 chapel fitted up for the use of the Dutch residents, (you 
 know our family are Dutch,) and a service in French is 
 performed there every Sabbath morning. The church is 
 Lutheran, something like the Episcopal, though not much. 
 All of the young people are confirmed before entering 
 society, and partake of the sacrament. On Sabbath after- 
 noon there is an English service which the missionaries 
 attend, and they officiate in turn. Mamma and several of 
 her family go also ; and v/e have the happiness of sweet 
 Christian intercourse with her and four of our brothers. 
 These young men, now growing up, will exert a great in- 
 23 
 
266 ^^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 fluence here for the truth. Every Sabbath evening they 
 come to our house, and with a young Greek, who is also 
 pious, form a Bible class;-in which we unite. Our class 
 is deeply interesting, and I wish you could see the earnest- 
 ness with which they engage in the study of truth. They 
 are lovely youth.* It is a great trial to leave them, yet it 
 is a comfort to know that they are so well established in 
 their Christian principles. 
 
 Our mission among the Armenians increases in interest. 
 Dr. A. and father, who have just returned from visiting the 
 various stations, say that ' the half was not told them.' 
 God is doing a great work for them. The whole nation 
 are waking up. Many of their priests are sincere inqui- 
 rers after truth. There is to be a family female school in 
 Constantinople, where young girls are to be trained in the 
 paths of holiness and knowledge. Think, dear M., what 
 an interesting field, to train the future wives and mothers 
 of the Armenian nation. It is for this that we go to Con- 
 stantinople. H. will be engaged in preaching, and I shall 
 have the general charge of the housekeeping, and watch 
 over the forming character of the pupils, while a compe- 
 tent teacher is to be obtained to do the regular teaching. 
 What is needed is to have the young girls in the bosom of 
 a Christian family, that they may learn how to make their 
 own homes Christian afterwards. Pray for us, that in this 
 deeply interesting work we may be faithful, and have 
 strength to succeed. We shall leave here perhaps in May, 
 and if our lives shall be spared, I hope 1 shall have much 
 of interest to tell you. 
 
 I think, dear M., I have in the main answered all your 
 questions. I could tell you much more of the state of re- 
 
 * One of these four young brothers has since died in the comforts 
 and hope of the Christian faith.— Sept. 17, 1845. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 267 
 
 ligion here, bat my paper is fast filling up. You know 
 that the Armenian nation are rapidly awaking to the 
 knowledge of the truth. If things go on as they have done, 
 there will soon be pastors settled over pure churches 
 among them. The evangelical party is daily increasing in 
 numbers and in strength ; and there is every encouragement 
 to work among them, for the Spirit of God is in their 
 midst. 
 
 Our dear father's visit we do enjoy, but to-morrow our 
 pilgrims set their faces towards Jerusalem, and this eve- 
 ning we are to have a farewell meeting at our house. We 
 have had most delightful little meetings during the past 
 week. Last Sabbath evening we met and partook of the 
 Lord's supper together. It was in Mr. Temple's parlor, 
 and we were a little company, but it was sweet to think 
 that Christ was present even jtvith a few. Two Armeni- 
 ans and a Greek partook of the communion with us, also 
 mamma and our four youngest brothers, and several Chris- 
 tian friends. But that company will never all meet again. 
 To-morrow seven will start for Jerusalem, and before they 
 return we may have left for C, and Mr. and Mrs. T. will 
 also have gone. Thus we form friendships, and meet in 
 sweet intercourse for a season, and then partings must 
 come, and new scenes open to us. But it is pleasant to 
 think that we are all engaged in the same work, all going 
 to the same home. May we all meet in that blessed home 
 at last. Pray for me, my dear M., that I may shrink from 
 no trials in this good cause, and that I may not fail of the 
 heavenly rest." 
 
 Journal. 
 
 " March 2cL It has been very pleasant to have dear 
 father with us two Sabbaths. He has been not only a 
 comfort in warming and encouraging our heatts in good 
 
268 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 things, but his advice has been of great use in regard to 
 our removal. Our last Sabbath was very refreshing. It 
 was our communion, and H. and I hoped we might be so 
 much strengthened by it, as to enter upon our new duties 
 with increasing ardor. 
 
 On Tuesday evening there was a farewell meeting of the 
 missionaries at our house. N. enlarged and arranged our 
 dining room table, and set dates, oranges, cakes, &c., with 
 tea and coffee for a collation afterwards. Our meeting was 
 most sweet and soothing. I felt then what an honor and 
 a blessing to be a missionary. Dr. A. made his farewell 
 remarks, and dear father made his, and we sang, and wept, 
 and prayed together, and rejoiced too, that though we 
 were to be separated in body, yet we were all united in 
 spirit, and were engaged in the same cause. Dear father 
 felt so much at home, that he said laughingly that he took 
 his seat at our table as if he were in his own house. And 
 indeed he was at home, for he was in our house, and we 
 are his children. I was beginning to feel very sad about 
 father's leaving, for the party were soon to go to Jeru- 
 salem. 
 
 Thursday was a beautiful day. The company of trav- 
 elers were to be on board the boat by three o'clock. After 
 dinner we stood talking on the terrace some time, saying 
 last words. Then the boat came and took us to the 
 steamer, and dear father was off at four. He will proba- 
 bly come back and pass quarantine here." 
 
 *' Sedecuiy Monday ajternoon, March ^th. Yes, dear 
 mamma, I have come to this charming place, at last, to 
 spend the week. This morning Me rose early and went 
 in a boat to the opposite side of the city, beyond the bar- 
 racks ; where we found the horses and donkeys waiting 
 for us. The donkey driver, Y. said he meant to make a 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 269 
 
 good rider of me, but I confess I had some fear of mount- 
 ing even the meek little fellow, sure footed and good, which 
 was allotted me. Y. walked by my side, and I gathered 
 courage as I went. The country is beautiful, so wild 
 are the mountains, so lovely are the plains. There is a pic- 
 turesque air over every thing. We passed many loaded 
 camels. Sometimes we were riding along green hedges, 
 sometimes on the edge of high hills and looking off on 
 plains, over which olives and C3'presses and vineyards 
 are scattered. The grass is as green, and the flow- 
 ers as blooming and fresh, and the sun as warm, as in 
 New England in the month of May. The people are 
 plowing and planting and arranging the vineyards. We 
 reached Sedecui about twelve o'clock. 
 
 We rested and then went at two o'clock to walk among 
 the mountains. I wish you could have seen our brothers. 
 I laughed till I was tired at their curious hunting gear. 
 The very gipseys themselves could not have looked more 
 romantic, and then their hands and faces quite belied the 
 rest of their appearance. I cannot tell you as fully about 
 Sedecui as I wish, but it is very beautiful. The houses 
 are all near each other with very pleasant large gardens 
 all around."" 
 
 ** March 6th. This mornino; H. took me into the larse 
 old house and garden where he and his brothers played 
 when they were children. O, mamma, it is a place to dream 
 of the past in. The old trees, now covered with ivy, 
 could tell many a tale of those who have played beneath 
 their shade, and grown old and passed away. We passed 
 along the walks and talked of other days, and thought of 
 the generations who have lived in these spots. Every 
 thing was moss grown and ivy covered. 
 23* 
 
270 ^^S- MAHY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Thursday. This afternoon we all started for the same 
 little valley where we had been on Monday, and leaving 
 most of our party there, E., D. and myself went higher up 
 among the mountains to see the cascade. A little, stony, 
 mountain path, wound along the steep sides, so narrow 
 that only one could pass at a time. The view was most 
 glorious. As we proceeded we became encircled by the 
 rising peaks. A deep valley through which gurgled a 
 stream, separated us from the lofty ridge which rose oppo- 
 site to the one on which we were passing, and there all 
 alone, we woke the mountain echoes, and heard our voices 
 dying away among those otherwise silent wilds. I thought 
 of the lines, 
 
 " Faint as the echoes of far delight, 
 And lovely and sad as the sighing flight 
 Of distant waterfalls." 
 
 lUA. We made a long string of horses and donkeys on 
 our return to the city, being nine in number. We took a 
 boat waiting for us beyond the barracks, and reached home 
 by dinner time on Saturday the 9th. 
 
 22d. A few days since we visited Mrs. Temple's school. 
 I was much interested. She feels very sadly about giving 
 it up. Poor children ! They will now be left without 
 any guide; but the seed will not be lost. Yesterday after- 
 noon visited Mrs. T. in their own house. She had given 
 up her school on Monday, and her heart is almost broken. 
 The pupils all wept much. May God keep them. I spent 
 the morning of yesterday in thought about my missionary 
 work ; read Eli Smith's " Trials of Missionaries," and 
 think it very correct. Dear mother, I could not be any 
 thing else but a missionary. I do feel it to be a privilege 
 to cast in my mite of influence in evangelizing Turkey. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 271 
 
 To J. P. Brace, Esq., for many years the beloved and respected 
 teacher of Mary. 
 
 Smyrna, March 22d, 1844. 
 
 My dear Mr. Brace, — I was exceedingly pained upon 
 arriving in Boston previous to our sailing, to learn from 
 M. that you had never received the note I had sent you 
 on the day of our marriage. You were saved the trouble 
 of reading it, but I should have been willing to have intru- 
 ded it upon you, for it would have told you that I had not 
 been unmindful of the interest you had shown in my wel- 
 fare, and that I cherished for my former teacher sentiments 
 of love and gratitude which no time nor distance could 
 efface. I am very sorry it was never delivered to you. 
 
 The morning I wrote to you, my thoughts were back in 
 the past, as indeed it was very natural they should be. I 
 recollected all my school days, and especially remembered 
 how you, my dear teacher, had borne with me during all 
 the years when it was my privilege to be under your in- 
 struction. I had long wished for an opportunity to tell 
 you how much J thanked you for the interest you showed 
 in checking the ambition of my character. You called it 
 by too soft a name when you said it was amhition. I have 
 since found it was vanity, and if I have succeeded at all in 
 overcoming it, it is to you I turn as the friend who first 
 opened my eyes to this defect. How often in my heart I 
 have thanked you ! And not only for this, but for all the 
 lessons of wisdom which I have treasured in my mind, and 
 for which I find daily use. Those pleasant hours in the 
 composition class, I love to remember. I have them as 
 vividly before me, as if it were only yesterday that I saw 
 you seated by the side of that crazy old table, with the 
 results of our school girl brains upon it, and H., M., M. 
 and S. sitting with me in our accustomed corner. Though 
 1 can recall them with a vividness almost startling, yet 
 
272 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 they seem far, very far in the past, and 1 am obliged to 
 think over all that has intervened, to realize that I, who 
 am now writing you beneath this glorious Eastern sky, 
 and surrounded by objects widely at variance with those 
 in America, am the same being who formerly took my daily 
 seat in the composition room of the Hartford Female Sem- 
 inary. Sagely as we girls wrote then upon the vanity of 
 human life, and the transitoriness of all earthly things, I 
 am sure we should write more from the heart now. Yet 
 there is one thing in which I think our band has not suffer- 
 ed by the lapse of time. We have indeed been separated 
 widely, and have formed other ties, but I do believe we 
 love each other more warmly and truly than we did when 
 our friendship was commenced as school girls. I had a 
 few weeks since a long and beautiful letter from Marion, 
 and she is the same warm hearted being as ever. I need 
 not tell you that it is a great comfort to have one of my 
 school companions so near me as Isabella Bliss is. We 
 often send little notes back and forth between Trebizond 
 and Smyrna, and we shall be nearer each other when we 
 remove to Constantinople. You probably will have heard 
 before this reaches you, that we remove to Constantinople 
 to take the oversight of a famil}^ school for Armenian 
 females. The regular instruction will be given by a com- 
 petent teacher obtained for that purpose. What is desired 
 in our taking the charge of the school is, that a Christian 
 home influence should be exerted over those who will be 
 in a process of education. I shall have the general care of 
 the housekeeping, but as our family will be small, this will 
 not be much. Henry will be occupied in preaching, and 
 in active labors among the Armenians, and our situation 
 will, of course, open the way for a more extended enlight- 
 ening of the females. The Armenian gentlemen feel that 
 a thorough reformation can not take place in their nation, 
 
MKS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 273 
 
 until those who will be the wives and mothers, shall come 
 under Christian influence. And they take a deep interest 
 in this enterprise. It is a deeply interesting as well as 
 deeply important undertaking, and I fear I have not the 
 suitable qualifications. But we go trusting in God that 
 He will direct our steps and give us all the wisdom we 
 need. When I see around me the sad want of principle 
 which exists, the darkness which shrouds the minds of this 
 people, over which no star of hope shines, the missionary 
 work assumes an interest and importance which it never 
 wore to me in America. These are beautiful countries. 
 There is very much to interest one who loves the past, and 
 who is engaged in the study of human nature, under its 
 various phases. There are constant subjects of excite- 
 ment, and indeed in these central points of the world, we 
 have all our faculties and all our feelings called into ex- 
 ercise. I have said often that I seem to be reading a story 
 book ; I had almost said a novel since I have been here, 
 and yet while I am deeply interested, I can look upon these 
 things, and move among these scenes with far more calm- 
 ness than when in other days I used to dream of the far 
 off East, with its old ruins, its cypress and orange groves, 
 and the turbaned beings who dwelt among them. To be 
 surrounded by followers of the false prophet who believe 
 as firmly in the inspiration of the Koran, as we do in that 
 of the Bible, and to know some of the opinions which they 
 delight in, makes what has before only existed to me in my 
 mind seem like a strange reality. But we, as Franks, feel 
 more sensibly Catholic influence than we do Mohammedan. 
 We are surrounded by Catholics, and are daily brought 
 fnto contact with their errors, in some form or other. To- 
 day our cook tried in vain to obtain some meat it being 
 Friday^ and more than all Lent. 
 
 Ought I, my dear teacher, to make an apology for intra- 
 
274 *JI^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ding so long upon your time ? I could not help writing to 
 you, and so 1 have followed my inclinations. If you ever 
 have a moment that you could spend in sending your old 
 pupil a word of remembrance, I need not tell you how over- 
 joyed I should be to receive a letter from you. 
 With much affection and respect, 
 
 I remain your sincerely attached pupil, 
 
 Mary E. Van Lennep. 
 
 Journal. 
 *' March SOth. It is a beautiful day but necessary family 
 engagements have prevented us from taking our walk, as 
 we do each day for exercise ; and as a substitute I have 
 • been walking for a little time in the garden. How much 
 we shall miss this lovely little garden. It supplies us with 
 fresh flowers every day ; and when I am binding together 
 beautiful wall flowers, which are in great profusion, with 
 roses, sweet scented violets, an orange flower or two by 
 way of variety, geranium leaves and lavender, I think, Oh, 
 how mamma would prize such a bouquet ! And I wish I 
 had you to arrange my vase for me. I have a little mig- 
 nonette, and it touchingly reminds me of my home in 
 Hartford." 
 
 " April 4ttk. Yesterday had a letter from dear father. 
 He was in Beiroot, but was to start on Monday 25th of 
 March, in company with Mr. Smith and Dr. A. for Jeru- 
 salem. The rest of their company had left the day that 
 he wrote to spend the Sabbath in Sidon, and tarry for them 
 in Tyre, where they expected to reach them on Tuesday 
 night the 26th. It really seems like old Bible times. 
 Father had been up Mount Lebanon, and said it was infi- 
 nitely the worst road he ever traveled. In America it 
 would not be thought possible for a goat to go where their 
 horses carried them." 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 275 
 
 We have every reason to rejoice in our contemplated 
 removal to Constantinople. It is a most interesting field, 
 in the midst of most interesting scenes. As regards my 
 health, it is thought that it will be more favorable to my 
 New England constitution ; at least Dr. A. and father think 
 so ; for though I am in much better health now than I ever 
 was in America, yet the summers might be trying, and in 
 Constantinople it is much cooler than here. Then the 
 work will be very useful, and also pleasant, and I hope it 
 will not be too much for my strength. I do believe it is 
 the place for us. God seems plainly to indicate that it is 
 to he our v/ork. H. is busy with his Armenian. Oh, if it 
 were not for the language, I do believe all my fears would 
 go now."" 
 
 *' Thursday evening. This is the great week in Smyrna. 
 Passion week is devoted to being very religious. To-day 
 the yards of the Catholic vessels are all crossed, and flags 
 at half mast ; no music from the frigate, and to-morrow 
 will be the same. Every body is preparing for Easter, 
 making Easter cakes, &c. The custom is, to have partic- 
 ular cakes for each great occasion. Eggs stained red are 
 also used. They are cooked, and then the play is to break 
 them. Each one takes an egg at dinner, during the Easter 
 holy-days, and tries its strength by knocking it against 
 another agg. The streets are full of flocks of lambs, (for 
 every family must have a lamb at Easter) and the bakeries 
 are full of cakes, and every body busy with preparations 
 for the festivities. But do not think they have commenced 
 now. O, no, this is the solemn passion week, when the 
 world is to be given up and forgotten. To-morrow is the 
 great fast. On Sunday, Lent is over, and then the people 
 give themselves up to rejoicings," 
 
276 ^^^^' MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 " Saturday, April €)th. This morning, at 11 o'clock^ 
 the flags of the Consuls, and of the vessels which have 
 been at half mast, were raised, and the yards which have 
 been crossed were squared, and music again burst forth 
 from the frigate ; while the bells, which have been silent 
 for a day or two, commenced a merry ringing. The Greeks 
 and Catholics are wild with frolic ; pistols are fired all 
 Easter. It is sad to see the death and resurrection of our 
 Saviour, observed in such a way as to call up feelings any 
 thing but Christian. 
 
 Last Monday, I went with mamma and a few ladies, to 
 see a Turkish school. The Hodja (Teacher) is a female 
 of unusual enterprise, for a Turkish female. Fatemah 
 took us through the bazaars to Turk Town, which is built 
 on the highest part of the city, rising to the castle. The 
 view is very fine. It overlooks the city, the harbor, the 
 mountains, and the house must be ver}^ cold in summer. 
 The streets are painfully steep in some places. We passed 
 through the part burned by the great fire, and saw many 
 remains of its devastation ; cypress trees blackened and 
 dead, old walls smoked ; but what interested me most 
 was, the old stone posts, which mark the gateway of the 
 ancient entrance to the city. We passed the Jewish 
 houses, and it being their passover week, they were very 
 busy in making their preparations. The Jews here are 
 most of them poor, and the fear in which they continually 
 live, strikingly verifies prophecy. They are almost afraid 
 of their own shadows. They dare not be out after seven 
 in the evening, and a child can alarm them. When we 
 came to the house of Fatmah, we saw the bench where the 
 chiMrensat, and the bag hung up on the wall, where their 
 books in manuscript are kept. She teaches them to read 
 and write. I was much amused at her device to keep the 
 books from being torn. She sews the pages together, and 
 when one page is learned, she turns the leaf over, and sews 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 277 
 
 the remainder together. Fatemah sat nuts, &c. before us, 
 and then took us round to see some Turkish houses. The 
 last one we entered was quite pleasant. A fountain was 
 playing in the centre of the receiving room, and black 
 slaves were holding the children. The lady was pretty, 
 and looked good natured, but oh so vacant their minds all 
 seem. We saw the ladies of an adjoining harem peeping 
 at us, and they sent to have us come in and see them, but 
 it was too late. The Turkish ladies are very glad to see 
 Frank ladies. Fatemah not only teaches school, but she 
 teaches young women to sew, and she passes for quite 
 learned among the Turkish ladies. There are a few female 
 Hodjas, and on the days when the men frequent the 
 INIosques, the ladies go to the Ilodjas, to hear the Koran 
 read." 
 
 *' Wednesday, April I7th. I know, dear mother, that 
 your heart was near to mine yesterday, and that you were 
 praying that my new year might be blessed by God's pres- 
 ence. Last year, when my birth-day came, I was in the 
 home of my childhood. What changes a year has brought! 
 No other year can ever be so full of changes, or so impor- 
 tant to me, as this last one. My change of country, and 
 all the circumstances connected with it, were then in the 
 dreamy future, and no effort of mine could make them seem 
 real. Now I look upon all these as natural and true oc- 
 currences. How much God has blessed me. Dear mother, 
 let us thank Him for all his undeserved favors. 
 
 On Thursday evening, the prayer meeting was at our 
 house, because every thing was in confusion at Mr. Tem- 
 ple's. They were arranging to leave. I thought much 
 of you that evening, and longed that you should see us 
 thus seated in our large parlor, well lighted. H. at the 
 table, with the bible ; mamma, our brothers, and dear L., 
 24 
 
278 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 with the two Armenians, the Greek youth who comes to 
 our Bible class, and Mr. and Mrs. Temple, around in the 
 room. We had a lovely meeting. H. explained the 103d 
 Psalm very sweetly, and I could not help weeping. 
 
 On Friday we made a pleasant excursion to Castle Hill. 
 We took dinner at mamma's, and then went to the place 
 appointed, and found quite a party there. We had a 
 Cavass, a soldier of the Belgian Consul, with us. H. 
 thought it unnecessary, but Mr. D., who remembered what 
 times used to be there, thought best to take one. People 
 sometimes lurked among the ruins for evil deeds. We 
 went in a boat to the end of the city, in a southerly direc- 
 tion, and landing at the barracks, ascended through the 
 Jewish burying ground. The tombs, built in the side of 
 the hill, and rising like steps, with Hebrew characters upon 
 them, appeared very curious. It is a long, steep way to 
 the Castle wall. I was deeply interested in walking among 
 so many marks of other days. Our thoughts went back 
 to the time when the early Christians suffered for the truth 
 on those very places where our feet were pressing. The 
 Christian church is no longer standing, the stones having 
 been taken to build the Turkish barracks; but H. well 
 remembers going once with his father and brother to the 
 hill, when R. took a view of the church. We stood for 
 some time gazing at the immense area of what was once 
 the Circus. There were distinctly visible the tiers of seats 
 in the sides of the hill, capable of seating ten thousand, if 
 not more. Of course, the seats themselves have been 
 removed, but the marks of them remain. In that circus, 
 Polycarp was martyred ; but grass grows now in the arena 
 and there is little to remind us of the scenes once acted 
 there. The castle itself is an interesting place. But it is 
 not possible for me to tell you all the things which make it 
 so. It is massy and high, though very much ruined. Only 
 
MRS MARY E. VAN LENN^iP. 279 
 
 the thick walls are standing, and the towers are all choked 
 with rubbish. The view is magnificent, and the associa- 
 tions with olden times, m.ake that hill a place where mem- 
 ory speaks even more than the eye sees."" 
 
 " Wednesdaij^ May \st. During all last week we were 
 looking for our dear father, and still he did not come. We 
 wanted to go to Bournabat, to see our friends there. So on 
 Thursday, our three young brothers came and went with 
 us. We proceeded in a boat half way, and then took the 
 road through green hedges, and open fields, amidst the 
 twining vines and olives, to the village, the glorious moun- 
 tains every where bounding the horizon, ' Making a sun- 
 shine in a shady place,' aptly expresses the way our hedged 
 road looked. Every little while the boys would strike up 
 some beautiful air, half gay, half solemn, and thus we 
 wound along. It is three miles from the water to the vil- 
 lage, and though there were donkeys at the landing, I pre- 
 ferred walking, and was not fatigued. We rested halfway, 
 beneath a sycamore tree, and saw from where we sat, 
 patches of snow on Taetalee, the highest mountain seen 
 from Smyrna, which is bleak, even in summer. Ice is 
 brought from there to the city. The boys plucked ' hollow 
 reeds, and made rural' pipes, not ' pens,' and greatly amu- 
 sed us by piping the rest of the way to Bournabat. Mr. 
 Riggs' house is delightful — old ivy grown trees ; a basin 
 of water, in which gold and silver fish are swimming ; and 
 the children play around like birds, free, simple and joy- 
 ous. I am sorry they must leave, to come to the city, 
 even though ours is so pleasant a house. The storks have 
 made their nests on the roof of their house, and the swal- 
 lows build in the hall. We went over to Miss D.'s school, 
 and were delighted with the house and grounds. Such a 
 profusion of roses I have never seen before. We started 
 
280 ^^"^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 at four, on our return. Could you only see the prospect 
 which I then enjoyed. The glorious waters, sparkling he- 
 neath a bright sky, the mountains and green plains, all 
 bathed in sunshine ! The boys sang a mournful and wild 
 air, which sounded strangely sweet, in the midst of so 
 much joyous beauty. The wind was fresh, and our little 
 boat rocked and dashed on, scattering the salt sea foam 
 over us. 
 
 The Stamboul had been detained in quarantine, having 
 lost a man overboard, and H. sent to see if the little box 
 for us had come on shore. With what joy did we hail E., 
 who came bringing it to us. I could have gazed a long 
 time at every mark on the outside, but H. hastened to 
 open it, and then I did not want to move the papers and 
 cotton, they looked so like you. But m}^ curiosity soon 
 triumph <J,and then the letters and articles were all greet- 
 ed, and talked over and examined. Thank all my dear 
 friends, and the little girls particularly, for writing. I shall 
 answer them all as soon as I can. Oh, how good and kind 
 you are. Dear, dear mother, can I ever repay your kind- 
 ness ? How 7iear that little box makes us all. 
 
 In the evening was our prayer meeting. It was held at 
 our house, and Mr. K. presided. On Friday, dear father 
 came." 
 
 " Smyrna, May 4fh. To-morrow H. will go down to the 
 Lazaretto to bring dear father. I hope I may find time to 
 go to Sedecui with him, but we must pack all our things. 
 I feel sad to be so busy the last days in which my dear 
 father is here. 
 
 " Smyrna^ May 9th. O, my precious mother, I shall 
 indeed be separated from you all when to-morrow evening 
 comes. May God keep this dear parent and restore him 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 281 
 
 safely to you; and will not you write me alwa3^s just as 
 particularly as you can, so that I may feel close to you ? 
 Dear mother, think of me as ever with you. Do not call 
 me ' afar off,' for I am with you, and H. is with you more 
 closely than ever, by affection, and by spiritual intercourse. 
 
 Yesterday we went to Sedecui. The family were anx- 
 ious that dear father should see that charming place ; so we 
 made time and went. We had a lovely ride, and enjoyed 
 it very much. 
 
 Dear father's visit in these lands will long be remem- 
 bered with interest and pleasure. I know he has done 
 good by coming here. We thank God for it. 0,my dear 
 mother, when you read this, dear father will be again with 
 you ; and you will all rejoice and bless God, and so will 
 I, and so will H. Our prayers and our hearst' best wishes 
 follow that dear parent ; and we, dear mother, will work 
 here in these lands, and you will pray for us. And shall 
 we not all meet in heaven ; 
 
 From the husband of Mary. 
 
 '■'• Smyrna^ May lOth. We have been enjoying our 
 father's society here exceedingly. Last evening at our 
 little conference meeting he took charge of the exercises, 
 and I have hardly ever enjoyed any words of his, as much 
 as I did his remarks on the text, ' I shall be satisfied when 
 I wake up in Thy likeness.' He spoke of the satisfaction 
 of the soul in heaven, in such glowing language, and with 
 so elevated a spirit, that his countenance seemed to put 
 on a brighter hue ; and I thought I should not want a 
 better swan's song, not merely for parting with loved ones, 
 but for death itself. 1 do not know how either Mary or 
 he will bear the hour of separation. 1 only pray God to 
 strengthen them both. A good many tears have already 
 24* 
 
282 ^^S- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 been shed on both sides. I trust that God will give them 
 resignation and fortitude. But we ought surely to comfort 
 ourselves by remembering, that what is our loss is your 
 gain, and also that of many who love him. 
 
 This visit has proved exceedingly beneficial here, as 
 also I trust it has in all the places he has visited. I look 
 forward with great expectation to its bearing on the cause 
 of Christ in America." 
 
 To Mrs. C. 
 
 Smyrna, May 10th, 1844. 
 
 **I almost hesitate attempting to write you a note, my 
 dear Mrs. C, it must be written so hastily ; but I do not 
 like to permit my dear father to leave without carrying a 
 few notes to my friends in Hartford, and so I have taken my 
 pen to address the beloved parent of my dear Sabbath 
 school teacher. I have found the little books you so kindly 
 sent me to the boat, when 1 left, a great comfort. I love 
 to look over especially the hymns that are marked, some 
 of which I learnt when I was in the class. 
 
 Our dear father leaves to-day. I regard it as a great 
 mercy that he has come to this land ; he has made pasto- 
 ral visits to all the stations here, and his prayers and sweet 
 counsel in our own family can never be forgotten. I would 
 not detain him here, though it is great bitterness to part, 
 he will go home. to the dear people, and our hearts follow 
 him, and our prayers go up to God for him, that he may 
 be carried home in peace. 
 
 In our meeting last evening, dear father made remarks 
 on the hopes which the Christian has, on the satisfaction 
 which he will feel in the other world. While we were 
 meditating upon these blessed truths, it made the separa- 
 tions of this life seem very little indeed. If our Heavenly 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 283 
 
 Father will only be near us, and give us his gracious pres- 
 ence, we can pass through the trials of this world. 
 
 I am more and more glad that I am here in this land, 
 and that I may join my poor feeble efforts to those of others 
 in spreading the light of truth here. 
 
 The missionary work, I have said often, increases in 
 importance when these dark lands are seen. We do not 
 fully appreciate the blessings of the Gospel, till we see the 
 misery that exists where error and superstition reign. 
 
 You have no doubt heard of our expected removal to 
 Constantinople. My dear father can tell you the reasons 
 for this more at length than I can write them. We go 
 cheerfully, for it seems to be the indication of Providence. 
 
 I have written two notes to Miss A. W. It is a great 
 pleasure to be able to communicate with these dear friends 
 on paper, it brings them nearer than I supposed it would, 
 and indeed I do not feel very for off. \^ e are united by 
 stronger ties than time and distance can break. I often think 
 of the remark made by Henry Martyn, ' that time and dis- 
 tance ought not to be much to the Christian.' 1 hope that 
 you are able to see my dear mothf^r often. She writes me 
 that her friends are very kind to her — and Hartford peo- 
 ple are dear kind people. H. and 1 carry with us a grate- 
 ful remembrance of their unwearied kindness to us, and 
 our hope is, that God will give us strength to prove our- 
 selves not wholly unworthy of it. May we strive to do 
 here, as our dear friends at home would do, were they in 
 our places, and surrounded, as we are, by multitudes who 
 know not God. 
 
 My dear Mrs. C, when I remember the blessings of 
 my life, the dear friends whom God has giv^n me as 
 guides, when I think of that dear teacher, now in heaven, 
 who pointed me to Christ, my heart is filled with grati- 
 
284 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 tude, and I try to become a blessing to others, as they 
 have been blessings to me. 
 
 H. unites with me in much love to yourself, and your 
 dear family, and believe me, 
 
 Very affectionately, your friend, 
 
 M. E. V. L." 
 
 To her Father. 
 
 Friday Morn, 
 " My own precious father, — God will take care of you 
 on the great waters, and w^ill bring you safely to your 
 dear home and people, and we, shall we not pray for you 
 and send our hearts with you ; and does time or distance 
 separate us } Oh no, my dear father, time and distance 
 cannot break the ties which bind our hearts together; for 
 we are united by our Father in Heaven, and it is his love 
 which makes -us one company^ one Jamily still. Do not 
 think that H. and 1 are 'afar off;' it will not be true if you 
 do. We are close to you, and God up in heaven, who 
 sees our hearts, looks upon us as if we were not separated. 
 Oh, my dear father, it is good to be in his hands, to know 
 no wmU but his, to work just where he appoints, and just 
 how he appoints. We thank God that he has brought 
 you here. You will never know the good you have done, 
 in this world. It has been a sweet comfort to H. and me, 
 and every word of yours is treasured in our memory. I 
 thank you {thank is a poor word,) for every counsel you 
 have ever given me ; for every prayer you have prayed for 
 me ; for all the sermons 1 have heard you preach ; for all 
 our pleasant talks together. 
 
 Dear father, you will not be sorry that we are w^orking 
 on missionary ground, when you get to heaven. How I 
 shall remember and live upon your last words at the meet- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 285 
 
 ing. It was a good meeting, and I wish we could keep 
 heaven every nrioment in our nnind. And now go home to 
 dear mother, and comfort her heart, and train up dear E. 
 to be a missionary, and tell all my young friends that there 
 is a great and a blessed work to be done in this world, and 
 that they have but one life to do it in. Oh, beseech them 
 to be in earnest about doing good. I have never been half 
 earnest enough about it. 
 
 Our hearts go with you. Do not you believe it, dear 
 father ? Why will you still think we are after all sepa- 
 rated ? What is a mass of water or a piece of earth } It 
 does not keep our hearts apart ; it may have power over 
 the body, but never any power over the spirit. May God 
 help us to believe this, and to live in the sweet hope of 
 spending our eternity around his throne. And now, dear 
 father I embrace you and kiss away all your tears, and I 
 am 
 
 Your own affectionate Daughter." 
 
 From the husband of Mary. 
 
 " Dearest father, I cannot resist the temptation of writ- 
 ing a few words which the lips refuse to express. I wish 
 to thank you for all the happiness your visit has occasioned 
 us, and for the good you have done us by your presence, 
 your words, your prayers, and your example. How pleas- 
 ant will be the thought of it when we are separated per- 
 haps to meet no more on the earth. But God will make 
 us meet again. Or if he does not, it will surely be in love, 
 and why should we repine ? 
 
 You have seen your Mary's new home, you have lived 
 a short time amid the scenes which will probably surround 
 her till death. Will it not be a comfort to you ? And 
 if you must be separated from her on the earth, where 
 
286 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 would you have her but in such a field, engaged in labor- 
 ing for a cause by the side of which all hunnan occupations 
 dwindle into insignificance, a labor, a situation I would 
 not exchange for any on the earth. 
 
 You go with our best prayers, our best wishes for your 
 happiness. May God keep you safely on the waters and 
 on the land ; may he bring you to your beloved country 
 without accident, rejoicing in all the way he has led you ; 
 may you reach home in peace, and meet with joy all your 
 dear ones ! Good bye, dearest father ; think of us with 
 comfort and happiness, and know that we love you with 
 truest love. 
 
 Your devoted Son, 
 
 H." 
 
 " Smyrna^ May 2ifh. My dearest mother, it is a great 
 while since I have said a word to you, and now I can only 
 come and tell you, that to-morrow we must again break 
 ties that we have formed, but I mean to try and be cheer- 
 ful. I have told you nothing of the parting days with 
 dear father. I am glad that scene is over, and that soon 
 he will be with you. It was harder parting with him 
 here than it would have been in America — far more try- 
 ing for each of us. But I regard his visit as a great bless- 
 ing, and so we all do. We go and come, meet and part, 
 live together and then separate. Oh, what a strange 
 world !" 
 
CHAPTER XII. 
 
 RESIDENCE AT CONSTANTINOPLE. 
 From Mr. V, L. 
 
 *' Constantinople, May 28th. Our ride here from Smyr- 
 na, in the steamer, was as pleasant as possible. The 
 weather was beautiful, and the sea exceedingly smooth. 
 I rejoice that these things have aided in giving Mary good 
 first impressions of Constantinople. We enjoyed a rare 
 sight in the channel of the Dardanelles. As we were 
 going up we saw several vessels anchored on both sides, 
 waiting for a favorable wind. The north wind had pre- 
 vailed for forty days, and all that can be done in such 
 circumstances is, to anchor and wait for the south wind. 
 
 Our steamer anchored before the Castle of Asia, and 
 staid there four hours ; the' captain doing us the favor of 
 M'aiting, so as to reach the city by day light. While at 
 anchor a very light breeze sprung up. In a moment every 
 sail was unfurled, and a dense forest of masts, whitened 
 with canvas, came sweeping by, in a channel about a mile 
 broad. The sight was magnificent, and altogether beyond 
 description. After all had gone by we started too, and 
 passing through the whole fleet, many of them within 
 speaking distance, we left the fastest sailors at the en- 
 trance of the Marmora. 
 
288 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 The evening was charming, the sea smooth as a mirror, 
 the moon pouring her mild rays upon the quiet waters, 
 and a bright star sparkling like a gem in the sky. One of 
 our Armenian friends said with truth, that it was not a night 
 for sleep. At half past three the next morning I was up 
 and on deck. The sea was smooth as glass, and the smoke 
 of our chimney remained where it was thrown out. The 
 faint light of dawn showed the minarets and domes of 
 Constantinople, whose outlines were engraved on the sky. 
 The captain ordered the wheel down, and the steamer 
 went round and round in a circle, until all the passengers 
 were up and dressed, and the rays of the sun had begun to 
 gild the highest buildings of Stamboul. I will not attempt 
 to describe to you the splendor of the scene as we entered. 
 Every eye on board was stretched, and every bench on 
 deck was lined with people standing as high as they could. 
 
 We have been received here with the utmost cordiality. 
 Mary and 1 have talked much together about our work 
 here, and every thing connected with our .change of sta- 
 tion ; and we both come fully determined to be as happy, 
 and to do as much good as is in our power. 
 
 We now need God's grace continually to sanctify and 
 to guide us, to imbue us with the spirit of the Gospel, and 
 to give us all the wisdom and the prudence we need. It 
 is a great comfort to me to think that so many dear friends 
 remember us in their prayers, and especially that we are 
 remembered at two altars, where we have knelt — the 
 altars where our two mothers offer their petitions." 
 
 Constantinople^ June 2 1 st. Dear Mother, — I closed my 
 last journal and sent by the Cameo, just the day before 
 father came from quarantine. On Sunday morning. May 
 5th, H. rose early, while I slept, and went off in a boat 
 from our garden wharf to get father. It was a lovely day. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 289 
 
 I went and walked on the terrace to wait their coming. 
 That beautiful terrace ! Then I ran down to the garden 
 wharf and welcomed my dear father, and we walked hand 
 in hand along the court, trying not to think how soon we 
 should part. You know we had packed much of our fur- 
 niture, but we had a few things in order. Then father 
 dressed, breakfasted, and we had prayers — one of his 
 sweet prayers, and then he prepared to preach. His ser- 
 mon was refreshing and deeply interesting, ''Behold I lay 
 in Zion," &c. I remember it now, and his looks and 
 tones distinctly. The people were very attentive. 
 
 On Monday we were all packing, and in some confusion. 
 Our friends called during the day, and in the evening came 
 the monthly concert. Tuesday morning I walked on the 
 terrace and committed our interests to God. The confu- 
 sion increased hourly in our house, or rather I should say 
 the desertion. Our younger brothers were packing, and 
 N. and a Jew were doing the hard heavy work. In the 
 evening our brothers came and sang their beautiful songs, 
 while dear father sat b}' me on the sofa. Through every 
 scene of those days, was the consciousness of the coming 
 separation, and I could only pray for strength. 
 
 On Wednesday we went with dear father and Dr. A. to 
 Sedecui. The next day my heart grew sadder. Dear 
 mamma came to see what she could do. How much she 
 felt for father during those days. In the evening we had 
 our farewell meeting at Mr. A.'s. H. has told you about 
 that. The next day we gathered at dinner, and then H. 
 went with father to mamma's. While they were gone I 
 passed my time in writing to some of my young friends, for 
 1 knew not how to support my thoughts. We all went in a 
 boat to the steamer. I cannot write about it. We staid 
 only a few moments in our poor, deserted house, and then 
 we went down to mamma's. We watched the steamer 
 25 
 
290 ^JE^S- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 from the great parlor. I saw the same steamer the other 
 day. That steamer has seen father since I saw him. 
 
 On Wednesday, the 15th of May, we made an excursion 
 to the Tchiflick. It is a country full of romantic interest. 
 Wild animals abound there. Recently a panther eat up a 
 little Mytilene poney ; and there are robbers around, who 
 make bold attempts to steal the horses. Nature has done 
 every thing she could for the Tchiflick, and R. and C. are 
 doing all they can to make it a beautiful as well as a profit- 
 able estate. 1 have written C. C. an account of it, which 
 you have doubtless seen, so I will not describe it here. 
 
 Excursion to the Tchiflick. 
 
 To C. C. 
 
 Smyrna, May, 22r/, 1844, 
 
 Wherever I go my dear C e, whether alone or in 
 
 the midst of the friends I have found in these lands, *f I 
 have ever a presence that whispers" of the dear friends I 
 have left. I carry you with me amid every scene of inter- 
 est through which I pass. I look with more than two 
 eyes, and feel with more than one heart, while the past 
 comes with my present, and I seem to be living two lives, 
 which are not two either. 
 
 I went last week to the Tchiflick or landed estate owned 
 by R. and C, brothers of H., and I enjoyed so much I could 
 not but wish that all my friends were with me. As this 
 could not be, I concluded to make some little collections of 
 flowers both for you and my dear mother; and although 
 they will lose their fragrance and beauty, and give you but 
 little idea of their exquisite loveliness when I gathered 
 them, yet they will serve perhaps to give more distinct- 
 ness to your thoughts of my Eastern home. We went to 
 Sedecui on the 13th, to rest, having become much worn 
 
MPS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 291 
 
 both in body and mind, by packing for Constantinople, and 
 by parting with our precious father, who left us on the 
 10th for Trieste. Sedecui is a lovely, quiet spot, and full, 
 painfully full of associations with the past. It is also a 
 place full of present interest and enjoyment. Beneath its 
 ivy grown trees, and amid its old dwellings, other voices 
 have echoed, and those whose graves are now scattered in 
 different parts of Europe, once lived there, and called it 
 home ; and another generation, and still another, have 
 grown up in their places. The same story of youth, life and 
 death is going on all over the world, and I could not keep 
 from my mind the coming years, when I looked upon the 
 buoyantgroup which now wake the merry laugh, or breathe 
 the tones of feeling in the social gatherings of Sedecui ; and 
 I thought how youth must ripen to manhood, and man- 
 hood sink to decay, and all, all must pass away, even as 
 those who once peopled that quiet retreat, and whose 
 fading memory and antiquated pictures alone remain. 
 
 It had been previously arranged that we should form a 
 party to the Tchiflick on Wednesday, and so between four 
 and five o'clock we were up, and our donkeys and donkey 
 drivers were brought with the mules for our baggage. 
 Baggage does not mean trunks, but pack-saddles, beds, 
 bedding, &c. We took coffee and were on our way before 
 six o'clock. But I must describe. Did you ever see a 
 donkey in America ? I never did. But imagine a little 
 animal something like a mule, only with a meeker and 
 more silly face, so low in stature that when a tall person 
 like father rides him, the feet almost touch the ground ; 
 and it is a sight worthy the brush of Hogarth. I have had 
 so many donkey frolics that I have almost ceased laughing 
 at donkey parties. Gentlemen generally ride horses, but 
 at this season the horses are put to grass. Ladies look 
 
292 MRS. MARy E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 tolerably well upon these animals, but a gentleman looks 
 strangely out of place. 
 
 Our party consisted of H. and three of his brothers, all 
 in hunting dresses, some with guns, some with pistols, and 
 all together making quite a picturesque appearance, par- 
 ticularly as a hunting horn was slung over E.'s shoulder. 
 C. alone bestrode a horse, and he rode behind to keep the 
 loiterers with the party. Our two cousins, Emily and 
 Helen, rode on country saddles, and a Greek donkey driver 
 walked by their side. It is useless attempting any such 
 persuasion as influence other animals ; donkeys listen only 
 to the voice and stick of their driver. L. and I wore broad 
 straw hats which served in place of parasols, and which 
 are convenient in riding. We all tip'd, tip'd along, waking 
 up the villagers with our merry horn, and they came flock- 
 ing to their gates, half dressed and half asleep. 
 
 We do not meet houses scattered here and there as in 
 America, but ride along narrow paths, such as you would 
 call bye roads, with low trees or brush wood on either 
 side, and sometimes between hedges which are so high 
 above the road, and covered by creeping vines, that they 
 half arch over the way. There are, now and then, groves 
 of olives, and many detached trees, such as the almond, 
 (like our peach,) the willow, the pine, the platanus, wild' 
 pear, &c. and an endless variety of low shrubs and thorn 
 trees ; but you would miss as I do, the tall thick forests o^ 
 our land. You would look in vain for a rail fence, or a 
 little farm house rising among the trees. If you saw any 
 red roofs, there would be a red tiled, village with a mosque 
 and cypress trees clustering together. About an hour 
 after starting we reached a caffeney at the end of a miser- 
 able village all in ruins, and dismounting we sat upon the 
 stones by the well and took coffee. Then we entered upon 
 a long, long plain, at the other end of which, just at the 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 293 
 
 base of the mountains, the little cottages of the Tchiflick 
 lie. We saw their red roofs for a long time before reach- 
 ing them, as they stand upon ground somewhat elevated. 
 Now and then a few black tents of the wandering Turko- 
 mans appeared, far to the right and left of our road, and 
 camels which they had turned out to graze would lift their 
 strange faces occasionally as we passed. The Tchiflick is 
 the great hobby of our family, for besides being full of the 
 most majestic scenery, it is a farm in which American and 
 European improvements in agriculture are being made. 
 Every improvement is so intimately connected with the 
 missionary enterprise, that the Tchiflick cannot but interest 
 the friends of missions. Already the American plough is 
 introduced, and they hope before long to establish a car- 
 riage road between Sedecui and the Tchiflick. It is a 
 large estate, being six miles one way and three the other, 
 and it is a most charming spot. There is an immense gar- 
 den of fruit trees and vegetables ; and the forest trees there 
 are larger than any where else. Indeed, among those 
 beautiful mountain trees which shaded the gorge, I did not 
 feel the want of the trees of America. But it is of our 
 excursion to the great gorge I wish to speak. On Thurs- 
 day, very early, while the mists were rolling up the sides 
 of the mountains, we M^ere winding along a narrow path, 
 at the entrance of the wildest scenery I ever looked upon. 
 Never can I forget that day ; it was such a one as Bur- 
 leigh pictures in his June. It was a day and a place for 
 luxuriating in thought, and I rode slowly along those scenes, 
 generally behind the others. A little river was making its 
 way through the gorge to the sea, and we were winding on 
 its banks, and looking up at heights so bold, so frowning, 
 so majestic, that our hearts were filled both with gladness 
 and awe. Immense ledge^of hard limestone, blackened 
 by age, rise abruptly and in perpendicular lines from the 
 25* 
 
294 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 bed of the river, which is so wedged in between two moun- 
 tains that there is no room for a foot path on either side. 
 Pine and sycamore trees are there in their glory. We 
 forded the river ten times, and came near getting a wnetting 
 at each crossing, but by holding up our dresses, and putting 
 our feet nearly over the donkey's head, we escaped most 
 of the water. But those rocks ! those glorious heights ! 
 how can I describe them ? My heart was full. And there, 
 among those mountains of Asia Minor, I remembered the 
 friends far away, and resolved to send them some of the 
 exquisite flowers which grew in such profusion around our 
 path. How can I enjoy any thing and not wish you all 
 
 with me ? And so, dear C e, though my flowers 
 
 will fade long before they reach you, try to imagine the 
 day back again in which they w^ere picked, and wander 
 with me by that stream in the gorge. There were every 
 where scattered tall olianders, but it was not the season 
 for their flowering. After riding perhaps two hours or 
 more, we stopped to spend the day in a shady place. We 
 were at no loss there for shady places, for the trees grew 
 thick and large, and beautiful vines were twining amongst 
 them. We ladies sat down on a carpet which had been 
 spread for us in a little grove of majestic sycamores, which 
 formed a natural alley on both sides of a road rarely trod- 
 den by the traveller, twining their branches over head and 
 casting a deep shadow underneath. Our gentlemen soon 
 started for the heights, and we heard their voices as they 
 ascended the rocks. Soon came the cry of " the sea, the 
 sea," and looking up we found they had reached a lofty 
 summit, and were enjoying a glorious prospect. They 
 fired their guns, and then a thousand echoes answered. 
 But when the horn sounded, all that ever was written of 
 mountain echoes was more thap realized, and 1 have come 
 to the conclusion that no sound can equal that of a horn 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 295 
 
 echoing among the mountains. I can hear it now. I can 
 almost imagine I am back among those rocks, beneath that 
 sky so brightly blue, and sitting where the golden light 
 made a '' sunshine in a shady place." 
 
 We took our dinner in primitive style. The men roasted 
 for us a lamb whole, and with yoourt and pilafF we made 
 quite an eastern dinner. Pistol shots are signals here. In 
 the morning when Yanee, who came with our dinner, 
 wished to find where we were, he fired and C. answered 
 him. And whenever any one is in distress, or a fire occurs, 
 pistols are fired. 
 
 About four we started to make our way back. That 
 evening after we had returned to our cottage, we felt an 
 earthquake shake it quite sensibly. There are no houses 
 but those of the men who work on the land, and one little 
 cottage of only two rooms, and hardly large enough to turn 
 round in. It was fitted up to make the young gentlemen 
 comfortable when they go there to superintend operations, 
 and also to hunt the wild boar, &c. It was in this little 
 cottage that we staid. It is very wild and lonely there. 
 We heard the jackals cry in the evening, and sometimes 
 hyenas come into the garden. In the night we heard a 
 terrible barking and calling of the men, and feared some 
 wolf had entered the fold ; but we learned next morning 
 that it was only some of the domestic animals that had got 
 loose. We saw the large, kind, brave shepherd's dogs ; 
 some were at the cottage, but others, and the most of them 
 probably, were off on the mountains with the flocks. The 
 third day we came back to Sedecui. 
 
 Journal. 
 
 Our last Sunday at Sedecui was very lovely. It was so 
 warm and clear that we spent nearly all the day under the 
 trees at the foot of the garden, reading and meditating. 
 We had service in the parlor in the morning, and in the 
 
296 ^^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNfcP. 
 
 afternoon at five o'clock we had our last Bible class under 
 the ivy at the foot of the garden. 
 
 On Tuesday evening we gathered for the last time to- 
 gether in that dear place. The next morning we came to 
 
 the city. Mamma, L y, and the brothers with us. 
 
 They would not separate from us until we left for Constan- 
 tinople. 
 
 Those few remaining days were full of business, doing 
 last things. On Thursday afternoon I took tea with Mrs. 
 Riggs, in the house which had been so recently my own 
 dear home. On Friday evening there was a general gath- 
 ering of our missionary friends and others at Mr. Calhoun's. 
 
 On Saturday we took our dinner for the last time togeth- 
 er at dear mamma's. Then after a little time H. and I 
 were obliged to say farewell. Dear mainma, it was hard. 
 All our brothers went with us in the boat. They stood in 
 the steamer with us some time. Our missionary friends 
 were there also. Then they all left us. H. and I did feel 
 lonely while we gazed on the fast receding city, and its 
 noble amphitheatre of mountains, and felt it was no longer 
 our home. Just six months before we had greeted its red 
 roofs, and those dear friends were then unknown by face to 
 me. God only knows when again we shall meet. 
 
 And now, dear mother, I will commence my Constanti- 
 nople life. I will tell you my dear parents, I shall be con- 
 tented and quiet here, but it is hard to remove my affec- 
 tions and sympathies from Smyrna. I suppose you do not 
 wonder that that place seems more like home. But I am 
 contented to be here. The Armenians interest us very 
 much. H. says he could sit all day talking with them and 
 ncit be tired, their minds are so wide awake. I hope I 
 may be useful among the females ; they seem a lovely set 
 of beings ; and they look upon us with much kindness and 
 with hope too. The men gather around H. and express 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 297 
 
 the deepest interest in our plans. The language does not 
 discourage me. The words are easy to remember, and I 
 am trying on all sides to pick them up. How I shall love 
 to mingle with them when I have the language. Viewed 
 in this light Constantinople becomes far more interesting 
 than Smyrna. 
 
 The warm weather 1 do not mind at all ; it has none of 
 the lassitude and insupportableness of American heat. 
 The thermometer is at this time ninety in the shade, in 
 some of our houses ; but I do not mind it at all. Nor do 
 I feel the heat as the others do. But if my life is spared, 
 I shall probably feel it more another summer. 
 
 H. has described to you our ride here in the steamer. 
 Early on the morning of the 27th of May, we were on 
 deck, watching the dim minarets of old Stamboul, in the 
 grey light. How magnificent was our entrance ! As we 
 came up to the city, the sun had just begun to gild its 
 Mosques and Towers. Then we passed the green shades 
 of Seraglio Point, and came into the Golden Horn. You 
 can tell mamma all about it, dear father ; only imagine it 
 summer, and not winter as when you were here, and ima- 
 gine the white Seraglio Palace, looking out from its green 
 bosom. The little Kaiques glided along, covering the 
 waters. These Kaiques are fairy boats for summer seas. 
 Are they not pretty, dear father, with their curious carvings ? 
 Mr. H, and G. both came for us, and we climbed up the 
 steep streets of Pera, and found ourselves at Mr. H.'s, 
 where Mrs." H. waited to receive us. We were treated 
 with great kindness. Soon all the Missionaries began to 
 come in. We passed a pleasant time there, getting ac- 
 quainted with our friends, and searching in vain for a 
 house. It is very difficult to find any thing in the shape 
 of a dwelling, that will accommodate us. 
 
 On Saturday I went to a Turkish bath — a real Turkish 
 
29 S *I^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 bath ; and it was more like Babel than any place I was ever 
 in before — children screaming, women calling, shouting, 
 scolding, and every sound multiplied a thousand times, by 
 the resounding of those vaulted walls, till my brain no lon- 
 ger contained a calm tliought. I only knew that I, and all 
 the rest of the yelling community around me, came to be 
 washed. We sent a bundle of clothes, combs, brushes, 
 scrubbing flannels, napkins, &c., on before us. When arri- 
 ved at the bath, we first entered a large room with a raised 
 platform around the sides. This platform is divided into 
 various compartments by railings, and each party occupies 
 one of these compartments. Here we left our clothes, and 
 wrapped in immense bath towels, we stepped down from 
 the platform on clogs, and walked along to the inner door. 
 Katrina, Mrs. H.'s woman, was in her element, and was 
 greatly amused at my wonder at things and beings around 
 me. The heat was great in the room \^e entered, and we 
 were immediately in a profuse perspiration. Here the 
 people were yelling and screaming, and the awful din, to- 
 gether with the heat, made my brain swim. But we had 
 engaged a private room, and this was hotter still. The 
 floor was of marble, and the water flowed over it. I ran 
 for the cold water, and held it to my face, as H. had told 
 me to'do, and then I was able to bear the heat, which was 
 at first insupportable. The room is perhaps ten feet 
 square, lighted from above, all of marble, and not a parti- 
 cle of wood work any where about it. There are two 
 marble basins raised from the floor, over which are two 
 ^top-cdck^, one of warm and the other of cold water. 
 These are kept running nearly all the time, so that the 
 basins overflow. Here we were nearly drowned in the 
 hands of the bath woman, w^hile sitting on the floor. I 
 should think we remained in two hours. Then a dry cov- 
 ering was wrapped around us, and we went out gradually 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 299 
 
 into the outer room. Here we remained until quite dry, 
 and sufficiently cool to go home. It makes one quite 
 thirsty, and while waiting to dress, we sent out for some 
 oranges, which we found grateful and refreshing to us. 
 The people of the country enjoy the bath mightily, and 
 would stay in all day if they could. 
 
 Our first Sabbath passed very pleasantly. There is a 
 little garden attached to Mr. H.'s residence, at the foot of 
 which, on a little seat, H. and I took our barley coffee, 
 which Nicoli, our man, prepared for us. We read Harris' 
 * Great Teacher,' till church time, and then went to attend 
 service at Mr. D.'s. The room, though it does not look 
 much like a chapel, answers very well. It has merely 
 seats, and holds about fifty persons. Mr. T., of the Syrian 
 mission, who had come in company with us from Smyrna, 
 preached. H. went at two and a half, to the Turkish ser- 
 vice for the Armenians ; and we all went at four, to the 
 Bible class, at Mr. G.'s, for old and young. As I looked 
 round upon the children, I thought it would be a good 
 thing to separate them from it, and have them taught by 
 themselves. I had written thus far, when I spoke to Mrs. 
 D and Mr. C, who was present, about it; and we all 
 agreed that it was best to do so, if practicable — and I, re- 
 membering my dear class in America, spoke my thoughts 
 right out, and said I should love to teach them.* The 
 tears came into Mrs, D.'s eyes, and she thanked me as if 
 her heart was too full to speak. I wanted to put my arms 
 round her neck, for I knew then we should sympathize — 
 
 * In reference to this desire of hers, to collect the children of the 
 Mission families into a Sabbath School class, and also the interest 
 she felt in teaching them after the class was organized, her husband 
 remarks. — " She could not rest without some such means of useful- 
 ness. Besides, she would often say she was doing nothing, and 
 though she could do but little, yet that little she must accomplish." 
 
300 MI^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 and so we have been talking about it, and I hope we shall 
 succeed. 
 
 On Friday, the 7th of June, we went to a little village 
 called Belgrade, about two and a half hours from the city. 
 G.'s* has taken a house there for a short time, and he invi- 
 ted us to go and occupy it. Our friends thought it would 
 be best for us to go ; so we took beds, bedding, &c., and 
 Nicoli to cook, and kept house there very well. It is a 
 lovely, quiet retreat, in the midst of a forest, and beautiful 
 sheets of water around. The whole is so like the deep 
 green quiet American scenery, that 1 almost imagined my- 
 self back in my dear home. There is just the same look 
 to the trees, and soft shadows in the water, and the cattle 
 feed quietly in the green meadow land. 
 
 Our ride was very fine, in a Frank carriage, but the road 
 would be thought impassable in America. The abrupt 
 declivities are a peculiar feature of these countries. Even 
 where the hills are not high, they are extremely steep. 
 At first our ride was over a barren road, but the view from 
 it was magnificent. Occasionally a peep at the Bospho- 
 rus, with its green banks and villages. We were on high 
 land. Mount Olympus, so shadowy, reared its snowy 
 heights, far away to the south. There is something inde- 
 scribably beautiful in distant and snowy mountain land. 
 Then before us we caught a glimpse of the stormy Euxine, 
 but its waters stretched far away in the calm sunshine, 
 quiet and blue. 
 
 We lived quite rurally at Belgrade. We read, studied 
 Armenian, rambled in the woods, picked wild strawber- 
 ries, and found pretty sweet-briar roses, while the nightin- 
 gales sang all night. The note of these little birds is the 
 most liquid music I ever heard. At first, I thought it not 
 
 * The brother of Mr. V. L. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 301 
 
 SO plaintive as I had imagined ; and was surprised to find 
 it had so many merry notes ; but it is a most tender and 
 loving sound, increasing in meaning, the more it is heard, 
 and one beauty of their song is, they choose the most quiet 
 and shady places, to pour forth their warblings. That 
 little village is full of them ; and among the dark cypresses 
 in the large burying ground at Pera, they sing. 
 
 Our Sabbaths at Belgrade, were not as pleasant as other 
 days, for that was a day of frolic, and there were many gay 
 people there. But we were very quiet. It was a sweet 
 place for thought, and we improved it. 
 
 Our last Saturday at Belgrade, we rose early and went 
 on horseback to the Black Sea, about an hour and a half 
 distant. I should never think of going over such a road 
 in America. We went down places so steep, that I nearly 
 tipped off, but the others took it so quietly, I found it was 
 nothing uncommon. We rode to a lonely village, where 
 it seems a Frank lady is a rare sight, and then we went on 
 to the sea, where there is a small Turkish hamlet. The 
 village is built of the pieces of wrecked vessels, for the 
 sudden storms and the fogs, are fatal to many vessels every 
 year. There is what is called a false entrance to the Bos- 
 phorus, by which many are wrecked. The Black Sea 
 looked very finely beneath a glorious sky. We gathered 
 shells on its yellow beach. When we returned, we rode 
 just beyond the village, and dismounted, to eat our bread 
 and cheese. While there, I almost doubted my personal 
 identity — so recently a school girl, rambling amidst the 
 quiet groves and valleys of dear New England, now gath- 
 ering shells, and eating bread and cheese on the shores of 
 the Black Sea." 
 
 26 
 
302 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Extracts from a Letter to her Father. 
 
 Belgrade^ near Constantinnple, June \7th. 
 
 " My dear, beloved father. — You will have been in our 
 own home some weeks I presume, before this reaches you. 
 I wish I could have sent a letter to welcome you on your 
 arrival ; but our removal here has made it impossible for 
 me to write sooner, and now 1 have so much to say, I 
 hardly know where to begin. 
 
 Your ardently expected letter from Trieste, reached us 
 on the third of this month, and it did make me very sad. 
 Dear father, will not Christ be your comforter? Will not 
 He be more to you than any thing else ^ Will He not 
 comfort us all in this separation, and give us the joy of 
 knowing that it is all for His glory .? I ask myself, why 
 my dear father, why should you love me so ! If I were 
 better, if 1 had really been the child that I ought to have 
 been, then I should not wonder as I now do. But it makes 
 me very humble to know that my dear parents do love me 
 so, even with all my faults, and 1 continually pray God to 
 make me worthy of your love. 
 
 And now you are once more to see your home, and be- 
 fore my letter comes, you will have seen our house beneath 
 the cherry trees, and the good old church ; and the organ, 
 and the bell will have sounded — oh, how many thoughts 
 come crowding into my mind. I, too, almost feel as if I 
 were seeing them again. My heart leaps to think you will 
 be there. I can see them all. 
 
 That sad afternoon when you left, mamma and Adeline 
 came to our house, and we went home with them imme- 
 diately, and H. and I sat alone in the large parlor, watch- 
 ing the steamer. The tears come so fast while I think 
 about it, it almost stops my writing. But your letter, dear 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 203 
 
 father, tells me you are not sorry I have come to dwell on 
 missionary ground. 
 
 The day we left Smyrna, we did feel sad ; but we had a 
 fine voyage, and enjoyed the glorious view exceedingly. 
 And now H. and 1 are separated from both our homes, and 
 from the dear friends and companions of our early years ; 
 but God is with us, and he will be our Father, and will be 
 the Father of all our dear circle. We have appointed sep- 
 arate evenings to pray for our friends — Monday for mis- 
 sions, and our missionary friends. — Tuesday, for our Smyr- 
 na friends Wednesday, for our American friends, and 
 
 Thursday evening for our American relatives — you, and 
 dear mamma, E. and aunt M.'s family — Friday is for our 
 own work. We have Thursday for you, because it is the 
 evening of your lecture. These are our stated times ; but 
 besides these, do not our hearts daily and continually as- 
 cend to God for you ? It is a great comfort to me that I 
 remember with such minute distinctness, every thing about 
 my home There is a freshness about every thing in the 
 past, a vividness at times overwhelming. I can call up 
 day after day, hour after hour, with all its attending events, 
 conversations, looks and emotions. Almost every time I lie 
 down, some scene in Hartford rifles to memory — either the 
 chaise is just ready, and I ride down by the South church 
 with you ; or I am sitting with my dear mother in her own 
 room, talking of the future, v/hich is now present. Often, 
 often, when you will think of me as being interested in 
 some scene in my new home, if you could see our spirit, 
 you would find that both H. and I had come to visit 
 you." 
 
304 ^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Journal. 
 
 On Tuesday the 18th of June, we returned to the city, 
 and H. corameuced looking for a house. In a few days 
 he obtained a very nice stone house, and the keys were 
 given us. While our house was being prepared for us, we 
 went to Bebec, where we had been invited to spend a few 
 days. The usual way to Bebec is by water, and I wish 
 my dear mother could for once enjoy the magnificent Bos- 
 phorus. You must imagine it in all its summer robing^, — 
 the fairy palaces in the midst of green trees. We sailed 
 slowly up those smooth summer waters, while the boats 
 of many Pachas were gliding swiftly by us; for it was just 
 the hour that they return to their palaces. I admire these 
 little kaiques ; and the dress of the boatmen, which is quite 
 picturesque. They wear only full trowsers, and shirts of 
 white raw silk, with very large straight sleeves. But we 
 must sit quite still to keep them from tipping over. I 
 found it difficult to do this at first. We were about an 
 hour in our sail, and then landed under the shade of some 
 magnificent trees, near the Sultan's kiosque. These 
 kiosques, which are found in every pretty place, and wher- 
 ever there is a fine view, add much to the scenery of the 
 Bosphorus. 
 
 We climbed up the hill till we reached the house, where 
 Mrs. H.'s two sweet little girls met us at the gate, with 
 their nurse. The house is quite romantic — large, airy 
 rooms, and marble basins with curiously carved stoppers ; 
 and though a gloomy looking building outside, it is mag- 
 nificent within. The Greeks build their houses gloomily 
 outside so as not to attract the notice of the Turks. 
 
 On Friday evening we were informed that we had lost 
 our house. There had been some fraud practiced. It had 
 been previously rented for three years, but the owner, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 305 
 
 fearing he should lose the rent, had stealthily obtained the 
 keys and determined to rent it again. These instances of 
 deceit are very common here. H. went early on Saturday 
 to the city, to see about our house. It was indeed gone. 
 We felt very sorry to lose it, but when the keys were de- 
 manded we of course gave them up. 
 
 On Saturday a flock of Armenian ladies and gentlemen 
 called on us, many of whom were deeply interested in re- 
 ligion. Mr. H. conversed, and read, and prayed with 
 them. Our Sabbath at Bebec was quite pleasant. We 
 had service in the afternoon. Monday evening was spent 
 in returning the call of the Armenians, and H., who could 
 understand them, was delighted with their conversation 
 On Tuesday evening we had a beautiful walk to the hill 
 above Mr. H.'s house. The view was indescribably fine — 
 the castles of Europe and Asia, on the Bosphorus, in full 
 sight. Our thoughts were back in other days. This is 
 indeed the land where the past speaks. We found that 
 Mr. C, American Minister at Constantinople, intended 
 celebrating the Fourth of July, and that we were to unite 
 in it. 
 
 On Wednesday, when we returned to the city, we found 
 our friends busily engaged, preparing for the celebration. 
 An American steamer, in the Turkish service, had been 
 engaged to take us up to the Black Sea. The Fourth of 
 July was a glorious day and very warm. We ladies and 
 the children rode to the steamer in a Turkish arabar, or 
 carriage, all the dogs in the street making a terrible din at 
 us, while we were shaken nearly to pieces by the rough 
 pavements. Our party consisted of Mr. C. and his house- 
 hold, the mission families, and a few others under Ameri- 
 can protection. A fine band had been engaged, and with 
 our American flag we made something of a sensation as 
 we sailed up the Bosphorus. My heart was back in my 
 26* 
 
306 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 native country, and many silent prayers went up, by many 
 wanderers that day. Our view of the Bosphorus from the 
 steamer is far better than from a small kaique. How like 
 fairy land seemed those glistening palaces and green trees ! 
 We were all animation on board. The company at Bebec 
 waited for us, and came off in boats to the steamer. 
 
 As we began to go into the Black Sea, some of the ladies 
 felt a little sick ; so they immediately put back and anch- 
 ored in the Bosphorus, just under the ruins of an old 
 Genoese castle covered with creeping vines, where we 
 dined. The Declaration of Independence was read by Mr. 
 D., then we sang * America,' and Mr. G. offered a prayep. 
 Our music was very fine, a band of Hungarians ; our din- 
 ner, too, was nice, and when we toasted the American 
 Minister at Constantinople, Mr. C. immediately rose and 
 proposed the American 3Iinisters at Constantinople. Ev- 
 ery thing went off pleasantly. We saluted the French 
 Ambassador, as we passed his palace, by playing the Mar- 
 seilles Hymn, and he returned the salute by lowering his 
 flag and raising it three times. We came home in fine 
 spirits just at dark. 
 
 On the evening of the 10th of July, G — s came t« tell 
 us there was an opportunity for us to visit the Mosques, 
 &c., if we liked. The great things of the city can not be 
 seen without a firman, and then every one in the employ- 
 ment of the government, and keeping these places, must be 
 paid, so it is too expensive; and the way people go who 
 reside here is under the wing of some wealthy traveller. 
 Every one does so, though it seemed to me at first half 
 mean, and yet as a gentleman would not like to go alone, 
 and invites whom he pleases, it is not considered so by any 
 one. A Dutch traveller was to go on Thursday, (the 11th 
 of July,) and G. brought us an invitation. 
 
 In the morning we assembled at the Dutch embassy, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 307 
 
 and a large party started to walk across the bridge to the 
 city. The other side we found carriages, and all started 
 en masse for sight seeing. At the first Mosque where we 
 stopped we bought slippers to put on over our shoes, for 
 that is the custom, and whenever we entered the sacred 
 place of the Moslems, we stooped to put them on. 
 
 The mosques, the large ones, are surrounded by a paved 
 court, and we entered always this immense court first, and 
 then on one side the door of the mosque opened. Outside, 
 the mosques look exactly as in pictures, and their myriad 
 lamps are also very well pictured. They are immense 
 structures, and the dome rises like the vault of heaven 
 above the head. There are curious stained windows, ex- 
 ceedingly beautiful, and tine work, I think in arabesque 
 style, adorns the walls. I saw so many things that day, 
 that I cannot describe them so distinctly as if 1 had seen 
 only one. We visited three beside St. Sophia. All of 
 them were very beautiful, and one had been a church. 
 The mausoleum and fountain of the late Sultan are ex- 
 ceedingly beautiful. It is a building perhaps fifty feet in 
 length, and the tomb of the Sultan is there, and a large, 
 coffin shaped structure rises over, with nodding plumes and 
 the Sultan's cap, while its diamonds and heron's feathers 
 told of its royal owner. (You know the heron's feather is 
 worn only by kings.) A large Koran on a silver stand lay 
 near by, and a holy relic, (a single hair of Mahomet,) of 
 the Prophet, was shrined in a silver case by its side. A 
 garden adorned with carnations and roses threw its fra- 
 grance around the building, and a light breeze lifted the 
 long curtains of the windows and brought fresh air into this 
 incensed room of the dead. His childrens' tombs lying 
 around him, were recognized by the shortness of the sable 
 structure above them. Other relatives were also buried 
 there. Oh, it was a sad room, though wreaths of snowy 
 
308 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 flowers were worked around the walls and on the ceiling 
 above. There was no gleam of religion to brighten its 
 gloom. But I am hastening to take you to the spot which 
 interested me most. We stopped a short time in a coffee- 
 house, and then entered the old and massive structure of 
 St. Sophia. It is impossible to describe it. It is unlike 
 any thing I had ever seen or imagined, and its effect is 
 also peculiar. How I wish I could transport you to its 
 ancient galleries, deserted now to the doves and swallows. 
 How I wish you could have sat with me far above the 
 kneeling company of turbaned heads, from whose midst 
 came up to my lonely seat a confused murmuring, as they 
 repeated their prayers. It is a place where the mind 
 wanders far back to the early days of the church, when 
 even then, the light of pure religion was becoming extinct 
 amidst the gloom of cloistered piles, and the drapery of its 
 thousand vain and sinful rites. The mind wanders through 
 the days of the Greek empire, and follows its decline to the 
 hour when the turban and scymetar gained admission into 
 this consecrated pile, before whom the priest and the Host 
 forever fled, and gave place to the worship of the false pro- 
 phet, perhaps less insulting to the Majesty of Heaven, than 
 that which preceded it. 
 
 Pictures and images are forbidden by the Koran, and 
 those which could not be taken down were covered by 
 large cloths which bore the name of God, or a sentence 
 from the holy book of the Moslems. But some Cherubim 
 still remain, being too high to be reached. The dome is 
 a dizzy height above the marble -pavement, and its height 
 seemed hardly diminshed, when we had ascended to the 
 first gallery, which is itself higher than the centre of our 
 church ceiling. There are two smaller galleries above 
 which we did not ascend. As I said before, these galle- 
 ries are deserted', being visited only by the curious, and 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 309 
 
 the birds have liberty to roam freely through the wide and 
 lonely spaces, finding an easy egress through the deep, but 
 broken and ivy covered w^indows. While our company 
 lingered on one side, H. and I passed around to another 
 part of the gallery, where there is a curious old doorway, 
 now filled up with stone and mortar. It is said that when 
 the Turks rushed into the church, the last priest escaped 
 through this door with the Host, and that one of the first 
 signs of the fall of the Turkish empire, and the overthrow 
 of Constantinople, will be the returning of this very priest 
 through this doorway. The Turks tell this, and say that 
 after his escape the door was supernaturally closed. By 
 the time our party came round we were ready to return, 
 and then we enjoyed a long time of silent sitting, looking 
 down on groups of worshippers beneath, to whom some 
 readers were delivering instruction. Immense pillars sup- 
 port the building, of curious and beautiful marble, I think 
 principally porphyry. The galleries themselves are large 
 enough for a church on each side, and the idea of immen- 
 sity^ and massiveness, and antiquity^ fill the mind at every 
 glance. Just before descending I espied an ivy branch I 
 could reach, and hastily gathering a few leaves we pre- 
 pared to go down. This descent is a very curious one. 
 Perhaps other churches which father may have seen are 
 arranged in like manner. We did not go down by stairs, 
 but by solid mason work, winding round and round till we 
 reached the bottom, and seeming like the pathway of a 
 cavern, lighted occasionally by small windows in the 
 deep walls. 
 
 We then visited the Turkish mint, and an old church 
 which has been converted into an armory, and where an- 
 cient armor is exhibited ; and then spent the remainder of 
 the day amongst the buildings and grounds of Seraglio 
 Point. Here every spot is associated in the mind with 
 
310 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 assassination, murder, and treachery. You know, perhaps, 
 the Sultans avoid this place now, so many have been 
 killed there, and consequently many parts go to decay. 
 The gardens are in European style, and the rooms are fur- 
 nished in half European, half Turkish style ; and to my 
 eye, which has seen nothing of royalty before, it all 
 seemed very fine and full of luxury. There were beauti- 
 ful baths and lovely kiosques. These latter are little 
 buildings with light summer rooms, beautifully furnished? 
 standing on a place which commands a fine view. They 
 are erected all along the Bosphorus, and wherever there is 
 a good view in the country, and the Sultan visits one and 
 another, as suits his fancy. They are little palaces. We 
 were shown one lovely room, and as it was a very warm 
 day, we could appreciate the luxury which the Sultan en- 
 joyed. It was in a part of the buildings which have been 
 recently erected, and which are quite new compared with 
 the rest. We entered a room the centre of which was 
 occupied by a marble basin filled with water and surround- 
 ing a fountain which threw out lovely jets. A profusion 
 of beautiful flowers were placed in bunches in the basin, 
 and by the sides of the room, and it was arranged so that 
 jets of water spouted from marble fountains from the sides 
 of the wall, and fell into the basin where the flowers stood, 
 keeping them fresh and fragrant. Gold fish were swim- 
 ming in the waters, and imprisoned birds warbled sweet 
 music, and we, overcome by fatigue, sank down on the 
 softly cushioned chairs, and low carpets, which covered a 
 raised floor on one side. It was a fairy room. Our ca- 
 vass, (Turkish soldier or guide,) picked some of the car- 
 nations and distributed them. Mine are pressed for you ; 
 and on coming out, he told us to pluck some laurel which 
 grew in the garden. 
 
 We passed through many long corridors, and room after 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 311 
 
 room of the Harem, and saw where the poor prisoners 
 lived. Every window was closely latticed, and the outer 
 world is only seen through their prison bars. But they 
 are said to be happy, because they know nothing else, and 
 they would be frightened to be let loose into the world. 
 
 When we were going through these rooms, we had be- 
 come so fatigued that we sank down any where, and you 
 would have been amused to have seen how worn out we 
 were. It is my only day at sight-seeing, and I think it 
 enough to go once in one's life on such a pilgrimage as we 
 went. 
 
 Constantinople, August \st. 
 My dear precious parents, H. and I are living over the 
 events of the past year. Reckoning by the days of the 
 week, to-day was H.'s last day on the water. Just a year 
 ago to-night he stepped on shore at Boston. Oh, with 
 what vividness those scenes come up to me now. We 
 linger with delight and regret over those few lovely days 
 into which so much oi deep^ deep interest was crowded. 
 Our hearts are celebrating them now, and thinking of all 
 God's mercies. Do not you too think of them, my dear 
 parents, and are you not glad that we were permitted to 
 come and work here together for our Father in Heaven .? 
 We have been thinking which of us will die first, and for 
 H.*ssake I could hope it might be he, but oh, it would be 
 hard. I wish we might die together. But God knows 
 best. Yes, God does know best ; and pray that we may 
 be ready for his holy will. Dear father, dear mother, we 
 shall all meet in Heaven. H. has been sweetly comfort- 
 ing me now, for he says Christ will reward you for your 
 sacrifice in His cause, even in this life. He will make it 
 up to you. O, will he not ? It grows dark, and at eight 
 o'clock we go to meeting ; and bye and bye, when we are 
 
312 ^naS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 asleep, dear father will go to the Lecture room and preach 
 one of his sweet sermons. 
 
 Letter from Mrs. V. L. 
 
 Makry-lceuy^ near Constantinople, August (jth. 
 
 I received dear mamma's letter dated June 29th yester- 
 day, and she says " I shall not write again till your father 
 comes," and perhaps only three or four days after she said 
 that, dear father did reach home ; and now are your four 
 eyes looking together on this page. Imagine my face 
 above it, with my blue muslin dress on; (the same I wore 
 this very day last year, counting by the days of the week,) 
 and my black velvet ribbon around my neck, confined by 
 my pin, my pretty wedding pin, the dearest part of which 
 to me is the hair of my dear brothers and sisters within it, 
 and the date on its back ; yes, infinitely more precious than 
 gold or pearls are these. And now father don't put on a 
 long face because I speak of my dress. I want you should 
 know that I look just as I used to ; only I do believe in 
 much better health than last summer at home. So far the 
 climate suits me admirably. I am telling you the truth 
 when I say I have not minded the heat at all. 
 
 The sun has set, and the twilight shadows are gathering 
 over the Marmora, but I must tell you we have come to a 
 little village on the sea, a short distance below the city 
 walls, and are enjoying ourselves very much. Most of the 
 families leave the city in the warm weather. This is a 
 fine place for sea bathing, and has the advantage of being 
 unfashionable, there being scarcely any Frank families 
 here. There is one English Methodist family, and some 
 evangelical Armenians ; so we can be useful. We have 
 hired a small house for a short time, and have brought a 
 little furniture with us, and live very pleasantly, though 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 313 
 
 in very rural style. There are only open gardens, or rather 
 cultivated grounds, filled with fig trees, between us and 
 the sea. The blue waters of the Marnmora roll beyond the 
 gardens, and the Princes Islands, in their beautiful rose 
 and violet light, sleep in the sea beneath this glorious sum- 
 mer sky. Then beyond rise the heights of Asia, blue and 
 dim, arid farther still the snowy summits of beautiful, shad- 
 owy Olympus. Dear father, you know just how it looks, 
 only imagine it summer. A lonely owl is uttering his 
 night cry, and I must wait till the lights are brought. I 
 think we will step over and see Mrs. Hague. We have 
 just been in and while there H. prayed with the family. 
 Mr. Hague has had a stroke of the sun, but is better this 
 evening. I hope he will soon be well. He is an intelli- 
 gent man, an engineer, and occupies quite an important 
 place over all the Sultan's factories. It is pleasant to 
 have him a Christian. Father, you know the pious fami- 
 lies who were brought from England to establish them- 
 selves in Nicomedia. It is over this company that Mr. 
 H. is placed. 
 
 The Saturday after our visit to the mosques, July ISth? 
 we went to our house and arranged our things, and then 
 went back to Mr. Dwight's and passed the Sabbath. My 
 little class met the first time that morning, but we only 
 organized it, William, Bell, and Mary Goodell,and James, 
 William and Charles Dwight. I explained to them how 
 I wished them to study. The Monday following we went 
 into our new house to reside, and there at first we did feel 
 lonely, with our tall house and nothing of nature, and no 
 near friend to consult about any thing. 
 
 Journal. 
 
 August 9th. These are our happiest days since we left 
 Smyrna, for we are quiet in the midst of nature, away 
 27 
 
314 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 from fashion, and not away from usefulness. It is hard to 
 live shut out from nature, but we must become willing, for 
 our house in Pera is sadly in want of natural scenery. I 
 am sure this is one great reason we have been homesick 
 for Smyrna. Oh, we have pined for the blue sea, and the 
 violet colored mountains ; but now we rejoice in a little 
 season for communion with nature, and our hearts are all 
 the better for it. 
 
 Tuesday evening, ISth. While I am writing, three Ar- 
 menian youths sit round our table, reading the Scriptures 
 with H. It is delightful to be engaged for these interesting 
 people. A few days since one of the Armenian brethren 
 from Constantinople came to call on us, and we had a de- 
 lightful Christian interview. After reading a chapter in 
 the Armeno Turkish Testament, H. prayed in English, and 
 the Armenian in Turkish. After these young men have 
 been here reading and conversing with H. it makes us 
 happy to know that it has been of use to them. 
 
 litk. It is nearly twelve o'clock and the sunshine 
 covers every thing around ; trees, water, islands and faint 
 snowy clouds, all sleep in the flood of light. Noon is very 
 still in these climates. The *' stilly noon" is expressive 
 here. I have had a grand study over my Armenian all 
 the morning, and now I have come to have a little talk 
 with my dear parents. I am sitting on our low sofa 
 against the window, and am refreshed every moment by 
 the lovely prospect. A faint breeze is stirring, and the 
 sails on the water glide almost imperceptibly on their 
 course. In the chimney of an adjacent house is a hawk's 
 nest, and immense, vulture like hawks are coming occa- 
 sionally and lighting there for a moment, uttering a pecu- 
 liar kind of cry, something like a querulous complaint. So 
 
IMRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 315 
 
 far the Armenian is very simple. Strange to say, we do 
 not find its grammar hard. It is by no means a complica- 
 ted language. The only real difficulty is in its long words. 
 But it is amusingly uncouth. When I took up the Greek 
 grammar, it troubled me very much, and I have not yet 
 mastered its everlasting declensions ; but the Armenian 
 are very simple, and easily learned, and there is a uniform- 
 ity which renders them easily remembered also. Mr. 
 Riggs has printed a few notes on modern Armenian, and it 
 is these I am studying. To-day I have been learning the 
 ptonouns, and I have them all ready to recite. Heleni 
 makes me learn Greek, and I am happy to say I learn 
 something of it daily. She wants to learn to read, and it 
 will be a fine thing for me to teach her. H. will bring me 
 a Greek spelling book the first time he goes to the city. 
 The women and children here are very kind and sociable. 
 If I only knew how to speak Greek, or Armenian, or Turk- 
 ish, I should have a fine opportunity ^f studying native 
 character. 
 
 In my last journal which I sent on the 10th of July, I 
 did not tell you how worried I felt about my piano. It had 
 been shipped at Smyrna and we were surprised at the de- 
 lay of the vessel, especially as it had been south wind. I 
 prayed that I might be willing to part with it, for I feared 
 we loved it too well. We were about having it insured, 
 but that very afternoon Nicoli came to announce its arri- 
 val. It was brought up and unpacked, and found to be in 
 fine order. How sweetly its tones sounded when I played 
 on it with H. I felt that it was a blessing restored to me 
 by God, and I prayed that it might be all consecrated to 
 Him, and never used for any wrong purpose. I find its 
 size and appearance surprise as well as please every one 
 here, for they are not accustomed to this heavy style of 
 making pianos. 
 
CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 SICKNESS AND DEATH. 
 
 August 19^A." H. has gone to the city. As I am slightly 
 ill, I could not go with him, and I have been lying on the 
 sofa all day doing a little sewing, and a little reading, and 
 finishing a note for dear Mrs. Fitch. Heleni came to tell 
 me as soon as H. went this morning, that " Chelebee told 
 her to take good care of Cocona,"* and she has been most 
 of the time sitting j^y me, and while sewing on the cover- 
 ings for our sofa, she has been teaching me Greek words, 
 and telling me a variety of things. She talks about my 
 father and mother, and wonders how we can be separated ; 
 and she says often, '• by and by we will go to America." 
 Last evening I had many thoughts of absent friends, and 
 of those who have died. I read the hymns in the little 
 book which Mrs. Chester gave me, and which belonged to 
 Mrs. Hovey, particularly those which were marked by her 
 own hand. You remember the morning that I left Hart- 
 ford, Mrs. K. brought it to me, and put it into my hand at 
 the boat. I thought much of the past ; and of the lovely 
 circles of which Mrs. Hooker and Mrs. Hovey were the 
 bright stars. And I thought how broken and dispersed 
 they are now ! And so it must be with every dear circle 
 
 * Father has heard these names before, and he must tell mamma 
 that they mean gentleman and lady, or master and mistress. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 317 
 
 of aflfectionate friends. And were this world all, what 
 should we do ? I pray God we may be prepared for that 
 heavenly world. Oh, how little will the sorrows and the 
 joys of this life appear when we reach the other world. 
 How much we need faith to bring near eternal things. 
 May God bless us all by his sweet presence, and prepare 
 us to enjoy Him forever. 
 
 To Mrs. Fitch, August 15th. 
 
 My dear aunt Susan, — My heart has gone back to this 
 day last year when I was at your house with H., and we 
 have been speaking to-day of commencement exercises, 
 and wondering what now is going on in New Haven. It 
 is now ten o'clock in the evening here, and the exercises 
 in the church must have drawn near the interesting part. 
 I can bring it all before my eyes, but I shall not go to the 
 church and the crowd, but remain with you in your own 
 room, and take my chair beside yours, as in good old times. 
 Oh how sweetly can our thoughts commune with the dear 
 friends from whom we are separated. Do not for a mo- 
 ment imagine that the things at home, or in your house, 
 which is another home to me, fade upon my memory, now 
 I am so far from them. 1 cannot bear to be thought a 
 stranger to one thing in New England, among those dear 
 scenes where my youth was passed. But I am sitting to 
 talk with you, and I want you to know just as much about 
 my concerns and my dear friends as you would like to 
 know. To my dear mamma I tell all, and it is a sweet 
 comfort. She may read you my journal, all that she thinks 
 best, and then you will know our pleasures and our trou- 
 bles, and you will understand about our leaving Smyrna. 
 We are very sorry to be separated from our dear friends 
 there ; and although we hold constant and sweet intercourse 
 27* 
 
318 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 with them by writing, yet we miss their pleasant society 
 more than I can tell you. There is a home feeling about 
 Smyrna that there cannot be here. 
 
 August 19M. I wanted to finish my note on Thursday 
 evening but it was too late. To-day I am writing you by 
 my window, where my eye is continually feasted by a 
 most magnificent scene. Distant views in this country 
 surpass those in America, but near views in America are 
 the finest, because the verdure is richer than here. From 
 our windows we enjoy a delightful view of the Marmora, 
 amid whose waters the Princess Islands are sleeping. 
 They are bathed now in golden sunshine, but as the sun 
 descends they give forth the most exquisite violet and rosy 
 hues, which are the charm of these lands. The mountains 
 of Asia rise dimly in the southern horizon, and far beyond, 
 tower the summits of Olympus, white and dazzling as if 
 even now its crests were still frozen. If I had finished my 
 note on Thursday evening I should have told you that not- 
 withstanding our love for Smyrna, we are happy here, for 
 our work with the Armenians interests us more and more. 
 It is delightful to see their inquiring minds, and when H. 
 has spent some hours in conversing with them, he feels 
 very happy, for he says their minds are awake on every 
 subject. The evening 1 was writing you, three young men 
 sat round our table ; but as they talk with H. in Turkish, 
 I could not understand them. There is an excellent trans- 
 lation of Young's Night Thoughts into the Turkish, but 
 with the Armenian letters. This interests the Eastern 
 mind very much, and it was this about which these young 
 men talked with great earnestness and great delight on 
 that evening. I want to have my friends at home regard 
 the people here as real human beings, with feelings like 
 their own. I am striving to learn their language, and I do 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 319 
 
 not find it very hard. H. too is studying it, but he has 
 the advantage of me, for he speaks Turkish; and though 
 the Armenians prefer their own tongue, yet they all use 
 the Turkish. 
 
 Journal. 
 
 " Wednesday evening, 2\st. When H. returned from 
 the city, on Monday evening, he brought me the good 
 news of the arrival of my own dear father in Boston. My 
 heart is very grateful to God. Oh, that meeting ! I can 
 
 imagine it all and i^jeare happy, and rejoice too. I have 
 
 not been well for a day or two, but I hope I may soon be 
 better. I want to trust myself, and all I love, in the hands 
 of our blessed Saviour. He can bless us with far more 
 than earth can give ; but how slow we are to believe it." 
 
 " Thursday evening, 22d. When we have been only 
 slightly indisposed, and have become well again, how 
 much it makes us value the time which our Father grants 
 to us. And this is the way I feel to-day. For the past 
 three days I have not felt like doing much, and have lain 
 upon the sofa ; but to-day I feel like myself again ; and I 
 do think it is good to be reminded of my frailty, that 1 may 
 learn to prize every moment more. How thankful we 
 ought to be, my dear parents, that my health has been so 
 good since I came to these climates. I have not for many 
 years, felt so well as I have during the past year. But the 
 climate of Constantinople is almost too changeable ; it is 
 too much like America in this respect. Were it not for 
 this, it would be a fine climate, for it is very far from 
 being oppressively warm. I have luxuriated in the warm 
 weather, and have not suffered at all from it. During our 
 first week in our house at Pera, we went to the Bazars in 
 
320 M^S- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Constantinople, to get some calico for covering our sofas. 
 The weather was cloudy and warm, and we became much 
 heated in goina; to the water, but on reaching the cold, 
 damp, dark places near the water's edge, where the sun 
 never shines, an almost death-like chill came over us, 
 which crossing the Horn only increased. These sudden 
 transitions from heat and profuse perspiration, to cold, are 
 very bad for the health. But we have not to suffer them 
 often. 
 
 And now, my own dear parents, I must close my journal 
 for H. to tate to town. My heart comes to you. Think 
 I am talking these very words. May our Heavenly 
 Father bless us, and all whom we love. May he give you 
 joy and comfort. Love to all. My dear parents, 1 am 
 every both noio and forever, 
 
 Your own affectionate daughter." 
 
 From Mr, V. L., informing her parents of her illness, 
 
 Makry-kevy^ near Constantinople, ) 
 August 28th, 1844. ) 
 
 " My dear parents. — Both Mar}^ and myself thought, 
 that as the Vienna post leaves to-day, I had better write 
 by it, and inform you that she is sick. She has a dysen- 
 tery, which came on about a fortnight since. She has at 
 times improved by the medicine given her, but last night it 
 came on with redoubled violence, and some of the symp- 
 toms are alarming. I have sent this morning for Dr. S. 
 and am sorry to be obliged to send this to the post, before 
 he can have seen M., that I might give you his opinion of 
 her case. 
 
 M. has many apprehensions that it may end badly; but 
 she appears beautifully in it all; no one would suspect 
 shat she was at all sick. She appears as calm and quiet 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 321 
 
 as in the happiest moment of her life, and I believe she is 
 happy. I believe I have less fears respecting the issue, 
 yet I confess I feel quite alarmed by some things. But I 
 bear it very differently from her. The only way I can be 
 at all quiet in my mind, is to be very busy, especially in 
 things that concern her welfare. I cannot for a moment 
 bear the thought of separation ; but this may be the very 
 reason why I need to be chastised. Oh, that my heart 
 might feel perfectly at rest in God's hand, and willing to 
 have him do whatever he pleases. I approve all he does, 
 I love his character, but the flesh is weak. 
 
 M. says to you, that you must trust her in God's hands, 
 for he will do all which is best." 
 
 Extract of a letter commenced by Mary herself, but which she never 
 finished. 
 
 Makry-lceuy, Sept. 6th, 1844. 
 My dear parents. — I fear we distressed you too much, 
 by writing you last week concerning my illness ; but it is 
 my desire that you should know all about your children 
 here, both in sickness and in health. I am better now you 
 see, and amuse myself in reading and writing ; but I am 
 not yet well. I know you are thinking much of us these 
 days. Oh, how vividly they pass before our minds; and 
 yet I have refrained from thinking much of them, for I am 
 too weak. Dear mamma's letter, dated July 16, came on 
 our wedding day — oh, what a comfort it was to me ! I 
 think it is among the best. One thing made me sad, and 
 that is, the fear she expresses that I shall lose my vivid 
 impression of home and home faces. Oh, wo, no, this never 
 can be. You do not know how my heart twines around 
 the slightest thing of home ; how distinctly I remember 
 each minute thing, each minute circumstance. You know 
 
322 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 that God has blessed me with a good memory, and now I 
 find what a rich blessing it is. Do not imagine that any 
 thing new or strange, can efface in the slightest degree my 
 beloved home from my mind. It is too deeply engraven. 
 My heart itself would die if the picture faded. 
 
 During this sickness, I have had many thoughts of 
 Christ and of heaven, and I shall know why God afflicted 
 me, if 1 ever recover. It is very hard to be sick, but I do 
 try to be patient. H. is a sweet nurse — I hope he will not 
 be worn out. Heleni too is very kind and affectionate, and 
 I have every thing to be thankful for. As soon as 1 have 
 strength, we shall return to Pera, for there are many more 
 comforts there, than can be obtained here. I have suf- 
 fered so little during my life, that I cannot bear sickness 
 with patience ; but I hope I shall learn. 
 
 O, my dear parents, do we not pray for you every day ? 
 Half my thoughts turn, to prayers for you. Let us pre- 
 pare for that blessed world, where our Saviour makes all 
 happy with the light of his countenance. 1 have not known 
 till this sickness, how happy Christ can make our hearts. 
 He can satisfy the heart. 
 
 I sometimes fear that this sickness is a judgment upon 
 me for improving so little my great blessings. I try to pray 
 that God may make me suffer till I feel right. But it is 
 hard to pray this, and I stop short with the prayer that I 
 may be willing to suffer. God will do all which is best; 
 and in heaven we shall rejoice in ever}^ dispensation. 
 
 It is a great comfort to sit here on the sofa, and write 
 you just as 1 feel. I feel as if I were talking to you. And 
 are you not thankful, my dear father, now that I cannot 
 talk as fully with you as I once did, that H. has such a 
 deep experience in spiritual things. H. comes to say, 
 ' What would you like to eat?' And I think of mamma's 
 good beef steak and bread. The bread here is almost 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 323 
 
 always sour ; but Andrico is going to hunt in Pera to-mor- 
 row, till he can find some sweet. New England bread 
 and butter and milk, are the things I most feel the want of, 
 and New England cleanliness. 
 
 Good bye, my dear parents, this letter will not go till 
 next Wednesday, and before that time, I trust we shall 
 have something new to say." 
 
 To the friend designated by , in the former pages of this 
 
 Memoir.— Extracts, 
 
 Makry-keuy^ Sept. 7th, 1844. 
 " My dear H. — I believe, that just at present, I am be- 
 coming acclimated. Something is making rather uncom- 
 fortable work with my health, which you know has been 
 uncommonly good since I came to the East. Whether it 
 be H.'s love for Smyrna, or whether it be in reality the 
 case, he is tempted to believe that the climate of Constan- 
 tinople is not as good for me as Smyrna. The changes 
 here are too great. When the north wind blows, as it 
 comes from the Black Sea, it is too cool, and when the 
 south wind blows, it is very hot. The heat I do not mind 
 at all — indeed it is very pleasant, and there is a luxury 
 about it very delightful. I hope I may soon be better. 
 At present I am unable to do any thing, except occasion- 
 ally to write a little, as it is a recreation. It is three 
 Weeks since I became ill — part of the time have been in 
 bed, and now I can with much difficulty walk from one 
 room to the other. Before my illness, I had commenced 
 studying Armenian in earnest, and shall resume it as soon 
 as I can. Constantinople life has nothing of the charm 
 which Smyrna life has, but we content ourselves with the 
 hope of doing good among these dear Armenians. Their 
 minds are wide awake. 
 
324 ^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Did yoa think of us this week ? Our wedding week ? 
 Last year this day, we were at the falls — those glorious 
 falls ! How much has happened since then. How tender 
 the recollections of those days in Hartford — our school 
 days — our days when we met to read together, and after- 
 wards those quiet walks when the sun was setting, and 
 the evening star beginning to look quietly down, and we 
 were communing of holy things. Our Saturday evenings — 
 oh, they were the sweetest. Do we not remember each 
 scene in the beautiful past as vividly as if we were again 
 treading those very spots ? We have a great deal to talk 
 about — and if we do not in this world meet, I know we 
 shall remember them all in heaven. And do not you be- 
 lieve, that our memories will be far more vivid there, than 
 they ever can be here ?" 
 
 To one of her young friends in Hartford. 
 
 Makry-keuy^ Sept. 9th. 
 My dear S. — I have thought of you, and prayed for you 
 many times, and particularly since I have heard of the 
 deep affliction* which our Heavenly Father has sent into 
 your family. You have learned very early in life, that 
 this is a world full of sorrow, and that if this were our only 
 state of existence, it would be hardly worth while to live. 
 But let us thank our Father, who gives us the promise of 
 a glorious home beyond the grave ; a home where no pain 
 can enter — a home where existence is perfect happiness. 
 While we are in health, we are apt to forget that other 
 world, but in sickness the mind returns to it with new 
 feelings. This is the case with me. I have been prone 
 to forget heaven ; while 1 have been in health it has seemed 
 
 * This young friend had lost a brother who was very dear to all. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 325 
 
 far off, and I have not tried to fix my affections there, as I 
 now feel that I ought. But for some weeks my health 
 has been very feeble, and the world has grown dim, and I 
 bless God who has in mercy afflicted me, so that I might 
 look up to that better world, which should occupy our chief 
 attention. Dear S., this world is not to be our home. 
 Let us rejoice in this. A few days of care will soon pass, 
 and then we, and those we love, will begin a blessed ex- 
 istence in the presence of our Saviour, who will make all 
 our hearts happy, through all eternity. But how little we 
 think of heaven, and how we start at the thought of dying. 
 Yes, dying is a solemn thing. I shrink when I think of 
 the hour of death. But then I say, ' will Jesus leave those 
 who put their trust in him.?' Oh, no, we may safely con- 
 fide in him, and he will take away all fear of death, and he 
 will put such sweet thoughts of heaven into our minds, 
 and of the lovely company of redeemed ones who are gath- 
 ered there, that we shall no longer look upon this life as 
 desirable, but shall joyfully meet death as a messenger 
 sent to carry us to our beautiful, our glorious home. I 
 think our views of heaven will depend very much upon 
 the manner in which we view Christ. He is the chief 
 attraction in heaven, and he must have our highest love, if 
 we would hope to have heaven attractive. If we meditate 
 much upon the perfect character of our Almighty Saviour, 
 we shall see how adapted he is to satisfy our hearts. Yes, 
 dear S,, he can satisfy as no other being can ; and I trust 
 you have long ere this found it out. But if you are troub- 
 led at finding that Christ is not all to you that you wish 
 him to be, though you do sincerely put your trust in him, 
 the best way to remedy this is to think very much of him, 
 to strive to have your thoughts go up often to him, and also 
 to pray earnestly that he will show you how lovely he is. 
 Christ has sources of comfort and happiness in himself, 
 28 
 
326 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 which he is ready to impart to us, and of which we now 
 little dream. Our minds are too dark to see his loveli- 
 ness. Oh, when will these clouds he rolled away ? Dear 
 S., let us no longer think of him as a being far away, but 
 as a kind and faithful friend, who loves us with so tender 
 a love, that he longs to draw us to his bosom, and make us 
 forever happy. But you may think, dear S., that I intend 
 writing a sermon instead of a letter, and I will tell you 
 frankly, that these thoughts have dwelt so much in my 
 mind of late, that 1 could not refrain from writing them. 
 
 I have had such good health almost ever since I came 
 to the East, that it is hard now to think of being an inva- 
 lid ; but I must trust in God, and have patience. Oh, it is 
 very sweet to know we are in the hands of a kind Heav- 
 enly Father, who knows just what is best for us. 
 
 Dear S.,how much I would give to see you once again ; 
 but let us strive so to live, that we shall meet in heaven." 
 
 From Mr. V. L.— Extract. 
 
 Constantinople^ Sept. 18th, 1844. 
 
 *' My beloved parents. — 1 have so long delayed writing 
 again, in the hopes of being able to give you a more satis- 
 factory account of Mary's health. I am rejoiced to say 
 that she is better, and that her fever has left her. But she 
 has been very much reduced by this sickness. She is 
 weak and emaciated, so that you would hardly know her. 
 
 M. sends you her very best love, and wishes you to trust 
 her entirely in God's hands, fully believing that he will 
 take care of her, and do all that is best for her. Miss W. 
 has been very kind to us in M.'s sickness, being the only 
 one who has been able to afford me any assistance in taking 
 care of her." 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 327 
 
 From the same. — Extract. 
 
 Constantinople, Sept. 25th, 1844. 
 " Mary has had some clouds, but generally she is in a 
 happy, contented state of mind, trusting in Christ as able 
 to do all things for her, and alone able to wash away her 
 sins, and to save her at last. I have just asked her whether 
 she had any message for you.- She says, ' give my best 
 love, my very best love ; tell them I have a great many 
 things to say to them, but I can't now. Tell them it will 
 be very, very sweet, when all the redeemed meet together 
 in heaven.' " 
 
 From the same. 
 
 Constantinople, September 27th, 1844. 
 
 *' My dearest parents. — I wrote you the day before yes- 
 terday, about M.'s state, but as the letter is to go by ship, 
 and it may be long before you can receive it, I now write 
 you by post, especially as the disease has made great prog- 
 ress since that time. Yesterday morning the doctor told 
 me that her disease was typhus fever, and that he had very 
 strongly suspected its nature from the beginning. In the 
 afternoon, a consultation was held, in which the physicians 
 agreed perfectly. 
 
 Mental aberration had slightly commenced the day be- 
 fore. Yesterday it gradually increased, with a pulse at 
 one hundred and forty. During the last night she did not 
 close her eyes, and has constantly been seeing a variety of 
 imaginary sights, and talking with many of her friends. 
 Once in a w^hile she has had a lucid moment ; but it has 
 been short, and apparently given her to express her entire 
 confidence in Christ, and her full committal of all her friends 
 into his hands. 
 
 In the midst of all her delirium and agitation, she shows 
 
328 ^IRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 in a touching manner her love for her friends. She has 
 often called you to her, and been conversing with you. 
 Last night she called me to her, to catch three letters 
 which her father had thrown her, and which were fallen 
 into her bosom. She was also certain he had passed in the 
 street, and asked why he had not called to see her now he 
 was in town. At one moment she begged me most touch- 
 ingly, to let her go and see her father and mother. She 
 has several times called M. M., and spoken to her, and 
 has also spoken of several of my relatives. 
 
 I have done all I could to find out her state of mind, as 
 well as to help her to fix her hopes on the sure foundation. 
 Before the critical turn which the disease took, we talked 
 a great deal together on experimental religion. She often 
 expressed doubts as to her state ; they came from her deep 
 sense of unworthiness and short coming. She always called 
 herself an unprofitable servant, and deeply mourned on ac- 
 count of it. But her mind was stayed on Christ as her 
 only hope ; and she looked for no other Saviour — wished 
 for no other. From the first of her illness, she has believed 
 that she should not recover, and all our reasonings upon the 
 subject have proved of no avail. This impression has led 
 her to make her preparation thorough. She has conversed 
 about it with whoever could give her any information. 
 But now all doubts seem dispelled. Whenever she hag 
 been lucid, and before she lost her mind, her hope was 
 strong, believing that Christ could and would save her. 
 
 A few hours later. The doctor has been in, and finds 
 that the disease has made alarming progress during the 
 night. He thinks her in a very critical situation. Her 
 limbs have become cold, and all the hot applications fail to 
 draw the beat towards them." 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. S29 
 
 " Sept. 27th. 1 o'' clock. Thus far your son-in-law had 
 written, — and now, at his request, 1 enter apon the painful 
 duty of announcing to you, that your beloved daughter's 
 race in this world is run. She * has fought the goodjight ;' 
 she '' has finished her course;^ she ^ has kept the faith.' 
 
 I have just come from the bedside where her lifeless 
 body still lies, and it is only fifteen minutes since she drew 
 her last breath. But her soul is not there ; it is not any 
 where in this world ; but we doubt not it has gone to dwell 
 with that glorious and faithful Saviour, to whom she had 
 dedicated her life. She loved much, and would have done 
 much for her lord in this dark world, and he accepted her 
 offering of herself — but has removed her to a higher service 
 in his own bright world of glory. 
 
 Would that I could speak a word of comfort to both 
 your hearts. But God must comfort you, and I doubt not 
 he will do it. Heaven is as near to the children of God in 
 Constantinople as in Hartford; and it is as safe dying here 
 as there. May you and we all be ready to welcome the 
 Saviour, whenever he shall come to call us away ! 
 
 H. G. O. DWIGHT." 
 
 Extracts from a letter by the husband of Mary, a few days after her 
 death. 
 
 " Oh my dear precious father and mother, — How can I 
 announce to you the fearful calamity which has befallen 
 me, and not only me, but all who have ever known my 
 Mary, my now sainted and forever happy Mary. 
 
 But I must not give vent to my own grief, I must hasten 
 to satisfy your trembling curiosity. My M., your M. is 
 gone. She has fled from this world of pain and sin, and 
 now lies in Jesus' bosom ; and her body, the once lovely 
 mansion of the loveliest spirit, sleeps on an eminence that 
 28* 
 
330 ^^^' MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 overlooks the city for whose spiritual welfare she laid down 
 her life. 
 
 You know it is about six weeks since she began to be 
 ill. Medicine did not succeed in entirely restoring her, 
 though at times it checked her disease. I removed her 
 into town as soon as I could, that she might have constant 
 medical attendance. Under a change of treatment, she 
 seemed to be doing well, when all at once, on Sunday, the 
 22d, there was a powerful relapse. On Wednesday, her 
 mind began to wander. On Thursday night, she went 
 down very fast. I was constantly by her side. In the 
 morning her limbs were cold. The usual hot applications 
 left them as cold as before — all the heat was concentrated 
 in her breast. But she had her reason, though she could 
 scarcely articulate, or perceive objects around her. 
 
 About eleven o'clock, began her agony — and the doctor 
 tells me I have seen all that can be seen in such a moment. 
 But he assures me she neither suffered nor was conscious 
 of any thing. I have reason to believe it, and comfort 
 myself with it. But she expired like the breeze on the 
 ocean, when the ripples beat fainter and fainter on the 
 shore. She breathed slowly, and yet more slowly, and 
 died without a groan, or the slightest motion of a muscle. 
 
 Mary's mind had long been preparing for her end. From 
 the first she believed that she should not recover. She 
 settled all her doubts one by one. On Sunday, before her 
 relapse, she expressed a sweet and perfect confidence in 
 her Saviour, and entrusted all things to him. We had 
 some sweet words together. She said God would take 
 care of me, and wanted to talk about her death. I told 
 her I could not bear it, and that there was no probability 
 of her dying sooner than I. Still she did talk about it. 
 On Monday her mind began to wander. Her fears were 
 roused for a moment, but she checked them at once, and 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 331 
 
 expressed the fullest confidence in Christ, and the firm 
 belief that he would save her. 
 
 I have vs^rittenyou something about her derangement. 
 Now I want to say, that from seven o'clock on Friday 
 morning, her mind ceased to wander. She was constantly 
 speaking to herself All I could distinguish was in strong 
 hope and joyful expectation. I several times made out, 
 * Oh, how happy !' * Very happy !' ' How sweet it will be 
 to be there !' I kept whispering in her ear words of en- 
 couragement, and as long as she could hear, she seemed 
 to enjoy it much, and responded to it. When I repeated 
 the first stanza of the hymn, ' Jesus, lover of my soul,' 
 there was a strong bright smile, and she whispered, *yes,' 
 *yes,' several times. Soon, however, she could hear 
 nothing. I laid myself before her eyes, and asked if she 
 knew me ; she said ' yes,' ' Henry.' But soon she could 
 distinguish us no more. She kept her eyes distinctly fixed 
 toward heaven. Her voice was presently inarticulate, 
 and it was only groans, which soon became strong breath- 
 ings. For the last time she had spoken of her feelings; 
 she said she felt perfectly well. The agony seemed one 
 in which she had nothing to do. The doctor said he was 
 sure she was unconscious of it. He says also, that all her 
 last forenoon he had seen that her mind was engaged with 
 the world to which she was going. 
 
 My dear parents, I am afraid you will think I do not 
 submit to God's will. I do, from the bottom of my heart. 
 
 I know he does all things right. And how can I mur- 
 mur when my IMary is so happy. Let us all kiss the hand 
 that smites." 
 
332 ^niS. aiARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 A few additional notices from a letter of Miss W — n. 
 
 Constantinople, Sept. 30th, 1844. 
 
 *' You have heard all the sad news ere this — sad for us 
 survivors — most sad for him who has lost the light of his 
 life. God has taken our dear M. to himself, and it is mo- 
 mentarily pleasant to think how happy she is now in the 
 presence of her Saviour, among glorified spirits; but as 
 we are bound down to earth, we feel the loss of one who 
 would have shed sunshine around our path. M. was ever 
 so sprightly, so cheerful, so disposed to make others happy, 
 that all were depending upon her for life and animation 
 during the coming winter. We were only waiting for her 
 to recover, to commence various plans. We had made 
 some arrangements with reference to the children of the 
 mission families; all thinking it important that something 
 should be done to interest and improve them, as they grow 
 up here without the lectures and other varieties which 
 young people have in America. During the day, each 
 were to.pursue their several avocations, and at evening 
 were to endeavor to revive, improve, and edify each other. 
 All was depending upon the new comers, as others were 
 too feeble, or too much immersed in cares, to go forward 
 in any new project. 
 
 When I came to Constantinople about the middle of 
 August, Mr. and Mrs. V. L. were do\Vn on the sea coast. 
 I received a note from M., saying that she had not been 
 well for a few days, but wished me to come there as soon 
 as I had seen the lions about C. I spent a week in this 
 way, and then accompanied Mr. V. L. to Makry-keuy. 
 M. appeared well, and stepped about in her usual sprightly 
 way ; but informed us that she had that day a return of 
 unfavorable symptoms. She did not rise the next morn- 
 ing, and kept her bed most of every day during the week. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 333 
 
 and it was not until the end of it, that the disease was 
 checked, when she had become weak, and Mr. V. L. car- 
 ried her from the bed to the sofa. 
 
 On Monday, Sept. 2d having been there just a week, it 
 became necessary for me to return to Pera. I was think- 
 ing whether I should go again to Makry-keuy, when I 
 received a note written by Mary herself, saying, they ex- 
 pected to come up to Pera in a few days. On the follow- 
 ing Tuesday they came. M. was brought up from the 
 boat in a sedan chair, and laid upon her bed, where I saw 
 her an hour or two afterwards. She appeared much the 
 same as when I left her at Makry-keuy. It was not 
 thought best she should talk much, and therefore I read to 
 her. She was not disposed for light reading, but seemed 
 pleased with serious subjects. She often said she thought 
 she should not recover from this sickness. She thought 
 over her past life, examined the foundation of her hope of 
 salvation, expressed her fears that she was not as willing 
 to die as she should be — she could not endure to think of 
 her husband, and of her parents in their bereavement. As 
 no new danger was apprehended from her symptoms, I 
 was sorry to hear her talk in this way. She was, how- 
 ever, very cheerful and patient, and during the first week 
 of her return to Pera, talked about any subject that inter- 
 ested me. 
 
 She said one day, ' you will see my mother, probably, 
 before I shall Tell her how much I love her — hut that 
 you cannot do. Tell her that time and distance do not 
 diminish my interest and affection — and I must thank for 
 her all those friends who so kindly helped in her prepara- 
 tions for leaving home.' She talked over her severe ill- 
 ness at Hartford, and remarked upon the kindness of differ- 
 ent individuals to her at the time. How carefully should 
 I have treasured up every word, and how I should have 
 
334 ^I^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 drawn her out upon every subject of interes-t, instead of 
 deferring them to a time when I thought she would be 
 well, if I had suspected the least danger in her case. 
 
 The Tuesday before her death I began to be discouraged 
 about her, and offered to sit up with her during the night, 
 if Mr. V. L. would retire and take some rest. Before 
 leaving in the morning I read to her from the daily food, 
 the verse for the day, September 25th, to which she said, 
 * how beautiful.' She thanked me with her usual 
 warmth for staying with her, and after promising to do so 
 again soon, 1 left her never more to see her when she was 
 conscious of my presence. The next night Mrs. D wight 
 spent there, and she was much the same. The following 
 night Mr. V. L. watched with her himself. She bad ap- 
 peared weaker during the day, and her mind somewhat 
 affected. On Friday morning I did not think of there being 
 any more immediate danger, but at eleven o^clock word 
 came to me that she was dying. I hastily snatched my 
 bonnet, and with Mr. Goodell hurried to her bedside. 
 What a change I She was breathing heavily, her eyes 
 fixed, and she was evidently unconscious. The physician 
 and her husband were at her side ; Mr. and Mrs. Dwight 
 near. In a few moments Mr. V. L.'s brother came in, and 
 we all stood speechless, only Mr. Goodell uttered a short 
 prayer commending her spirit to God. We knew the mo- 
 ment of her death only as the physician said to her hus- 
 band, ' she is gone,' when he fainted and was carried from 
 the room ; and Mrs. Dwight and myself were left alone 
 with the lifeless body of our departed sister. Rer servant 
 maid, a Greek girl, who had been also present, came in, 
 and we commenced our melancholy office. It was a new 
 and trying scene to me, for I had never seen any thing of 
 the kind. I Qould not permit my feelings to excuse me, 
 and there were no other of the missionary ladies who were 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 335 
 
 well enough to do it, and it must not be left to servants. 
 Little had I thought when I arranged her hair for her day 
 by day, that I was to see it done for the last time so soon, 
 but I forbear. She is gone, and we are left desolate. On 
 Saturday at two o'clock, the few Christian friends assem- 
 bled to perform the last sad office. Mr. Goodell conducted 
 the services at the house. Her favorite hymn, * Jesus, 
 lover of my souP was sung. The procession of about 
 thirty gentlemen walked to the grave, and the bier was 
 carried on the shoulders of a number, none of whose names 
 I heard mentioned, excepting Rev. Mr. T., one of the 
 missionaries of the American Episcopal church. The 
 ladies all remained at the house, as it is not the custom for 
 them to o-o to the grave. I can not realize the truth that 
 Mary's spirit is in heaven, and her body beneath the 
 ground. It was indeed a sudden stroke to all, and most so 
 I think to her husband. But let us not look down into the 
 narrow house of the body, but up to the blessed mansion 
 where the glorified spirit is chanting the praises of redeem- 
 ing love." 
 
 A brief notice by Mrs. Goodell. 
 
 " Very soon after she came from the country she re- 
 quested us to pray that she might have 'patience and resig- 
 nation. She wished us also to repeat to her verses of 
 Scripture, saying, they were so refreshing, and helped to 
 fix her thoughts on God, adding that her mind had become 
 very weak, and that she could not think much. On the 
 morning of the 23d, she requested me to read to her out of 
 her text book, the verse for the day, which I did. In the 
 afternoon I read to her at intervals, passages of Scripture 
 and some hymns, with which she expressed herself much 
 delighted and comforted. Now she is where she needs no 
 such feeble help. 
 
336 MI^S. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Mrs. Van Lennep looked lovely and pleasant in death, 
 perfectly natural, and with a countenance uncomnmonly 
 sweet." 
 
 A brief extract from a letter of Mr. V. L., February, 1845. 
 
 *' In thinking over the circumstances of Mary's sickness, 
 I cannot help being struck with the care of her Father in 
 Heaven to prepare her to go home to Himself. From the 
 commencement of her indisposition, she had an impression 
 that it would end in her dissolution. At first she merely 
 hinted the existence of that impression ; but she soon stated 
 and repeated it. Her evident object all the day long w^as 
 to prepare herself for her last change. 
 
 Providence kindly provided that we should be placed in 
 a quiet country village, seeing almost no company ; so that 
 she could give herself up without any hindrance to a 
 review of all the great features of Christianity, and going 
 to the only foundation of hope to the sinner, might place 
 her feet more firmly than ever on the rock Christ Jesus. 
 I shall never forget the sweet and delightful conversations 
 we had together all the time we were at Makry-keuy. I 
 particularly remember one afternoon, while she was yet in 
 health, we were talking about the blessedness of Heaven, 
 when her emotions became so powerful that she raised her 
 eyes to what was soon to be her own abode and said, while 
 the tears gushed from them, " O, it will be sweet to be 
 there." The character of Christ occupied her mind more 
 than any other topic, and the delightful views contained in 
 " The Great Teacher," a book we were then reading, were 
 to her a source of the highest pleasure. 
 
 During the last weeks of her life she became very weak, 
 and was unable to bear what required much concentration 
 of thought; but she had a high relish for prayer, and 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 337 
 
 whenever Mr. Goodell called she uniformly asked him to 
 pray. I wish I could remember her many sweet expres. 
 sions of every Christian emotion ; her committing her 
 friends and us all to the hands of the Redeemer ; but her 
 thoughts and the state of her mind so engrossed me that 
 the words in which she gave utterance to them have 
 escaped from the memory. Besides she talked as much 
 with her countenance and gestures as with her lips, and 
 the whole' was a clear mirror by which she made you gaze 
 into the purest and most angelic soul.* 
 
 Before losing it forever, I took a last sad look of that 
 sweet countenance which had been the seat of so many 
 emotions, but I deeply felt Mary was not there. On Sat- 
 urday afternoon, the circle of sympathizing friends met in 
 our large parlor, where Mr. Goodell performed religious 
 services. When the funeral train had started, I took 
 another way in a carriage with Mr. Schauffler,"and was at 
 the grave long before they had reached it. I stood by the 
 opening earth ready to receive into its bosom the remnant 
 of my Mary. Oh, how I wished I could lie down in it by 
 her side. At length the mourning train appeared, winding 
 among the solemn trees and the Armenian tombs which 
 border the Protestant grave yard. It slowly ascended the 
 slope, near the summit of which we stood. Mr. Goodell 
 and the Prussian chaplain walked in front. Then came 
 the bier covered with its black cloth, held by some of our 
 brethren. The American ambassador followed. He had 
 requested to carry the cloth, but w^as told that it would be 
 a sufficient expression of his interest if he walked first after 
 
 * The trial of sickness and suffering gave a greater lustre to every 
 excellence in her character, and she is not fully known by those who 
 have not seen her in such circumstances. — Mr. V. L. 
 
 28 
 
338 ^^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 the bier. The Prussian chaplain performed the services at 
 the grave with much feeling, and all that was visible of my 
 sweet Mary disappeared under the earth. . . . Sleep 
 there until thou rise to a happy resurrection ! Sleep ! 
 Thy rest is peace and thj^ soul is blessed !" 
 
 A monument erected by her husband in the Protestant 
 burying ground at Pera covers the spot where her dust 
 reposes. In reference to the place of her burial, Mr. V. 
 L. remarks, " At first I felt disappointed that her remains 
 could not be conveyed to Smyrna, to be buried among the 
 graves of my ancestors, but she sleeps where now I would 
 wish her to sleep, among the people for whose welfare she 
 sacrificed her life. She went to Constantinople at a great 
 personal expense, solely for the sake of the Armenians 
 whom she loved, and in their midst let her sleep among 
 the living and the dead. From her grave you behold the 
 Bosphorus passing under your feet, with its crowded villa- 
 ges on both sides ; you also see parts of Constantinople 
 itself. If the spirit ever visits the place of its clay, with 
 what joy will she look around on a people restored to the 
 spiritual worship of God, as I trust they will be before 
 many years have passed." 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 CLOSING REMARKS 
 
 And now the task is done. It was undertaken by affec- 
 tion, and pursued with a pleasing though melancholy satis- 
 faction, as it furnished the occasion of living over again 
 the dear and tender scenes of days that are past, never to 
 return. 
 
 It was the wish of the writer that the preparation of the 
 memoir might have fallen to other and abler hands ; but 
 the feelings of the father have not permitted him to look 
 over the papers of his deceased daughter, until the work 
 was nearly ready for the press. Yet this may not prove 
 so serious a loss as was at first apprehended, as it has led 
 to a more copious selection from her writings than might 
 have been made in other circumstances ; and thus the sub- 
 ject of the memoir has been, with slight exceptions, her 
 own biographer. 
 
 And here the writer might gather up the traits in her 
 character and present them in a connected view, but as 
 this has been done in a sermon appended to the memoir, 
 she will only add a few things which occur to her mind in 
 closing, as contributing to make the portrait more com- 
 plete. 
 
 Every one who has read the preceding pages must have 
 been struck with two things ; Mary's love of life and her 
 early preparation to leave it. Her husband, as were 
 
340 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 others, was constantly impressed with these facts. He 
 says, " Mary loved life. She loved her friends with a 
 rapturous l*ve. She loved man, of whatever nation, what- 
 ever religion, in whatever state." She '* desired life, that 
 she might impart to others the blessings which have been 
 so richly bestowed upon her."* 
 
 She was also qualified to enjoy life. She looked upon 
 the works of nature as a manifestation of the excellence 
 and glory of their great Creator, and she loved them as the 
 work of her Father's hand. She often spoke of their sooth- 
 ing and elevating influence on the mind, and said of them, 
 that " they were a lovel}^ book to read with the Bible," 
 She loved her work in life. *' Hers was a heart whose 
 emotions were powerful, and constantly keeping along 
 with the thousand objects which impressed her.'f" 
 
 With regard to her being qualified for usefulness, her life 
 speaks for itself, yet the testimony of her husband on this 
 point is too striking to be omitted. He says, " My inter- 
 course with her was a source not only of happiness, but of 
 real, spiritual improvement, and I have grown ten times 
 faster in my Christian character while she has been with 
 me. I blessed God continually for having given her to me." 
 
 Her adaptedness to fill with happiness to herself and 
 acceptability to others, the various stations which it was 
 her lot in life to occupy, pass in pleasing retrospect be- 
 fore the mind, yet only a single testimony, and that in 
 reference to the last relation she was called to sustain, 
 shall be quoted. " She was a crown of glory to her hus- 
 band."]; 
 
 And yet in the morning of life and in the enjoyment of 
 every thing which could contribute to make life useful and 
 happy, she kept constantly before her mind the day of her 
 death. Indeed, from the time in her tenth year, when she 
 
 * Her own remark. j Mr. V. L. 
 
 JRev. Mr. Goodell, Constantinople* 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 341 
 
 penned the resolution, " Resolved to think often of my 
 dying," the importance of being prepared for a state of 
 purity and blessedness beyond the grave, was never lost 
 sight of. One of her young friends who knew her well 
 says, ** the future world was so much in her thoughts that 
 her early removal to it could have been no great surprise 
 to her, whatever it was to us." The same friend in speak- 
 ing of her preparedness for heaven says, ''she let her light 
 so shine, that the world did not wait till after her death to 
 count her among the number of Christ's jewels." 
 
 A word or two respecting her religious training might 
 not be out of place here. What that was may be gathered 
 from a chapter in the commencement of the memoir, and 
 also from a few remarks in the sermon before alluded to. 
 In addition it need only be said, that in conducting this 
 part of her education, her parents kept constantly in mind 
 her fallen and ruined state by nature, and the necessity of 
 Divine interposition in order to a recovery from this state. 
 These great and leading truths of Christianity were made 
 the basis of her religious education. They were used as 
 an essential means of giving her a just view of her state as 
 a sinner, and of leading her to Christ as the only Saviour. 
 To the impressions which these truths made upon her 
 mind in her tender years, resulting as they did in her early 
 piety, is to be traced, all that made her so lovely and use- 
 ful in life, and prepared her for so early a removal from 
 this to a purer world. 
 
 And now may He to whom this beloved child consecrated 
 herself in the morning of her days, to whom she was indebted 
 for all that made her what she was, graciously smile upon 
 this humble effort, and condescend to make use of it in the 
 advancement of His own cause, which was dear to the 
 deceased while she lived, and from which it seemed good 
 in His sight so early to withdraw her labors. 
 28* 
 
Lines by a Ffiend. 
 
 TO THE MEMORY OF 
 
 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 
 Who died at Constantinople, September ■21th, 1S44. 
 
 Thy grave is with the Moslem dead, 
 
 Far o'er the rolling sea, 
 Where none of all that loved thee here 
 
 Can go to weep for thee ; 
 Thou who wert to so many hearts 
 
 Dear as the light of day ; 
 Whose sweet voice from our memories ,, 
 
 Can never {)ass away. ■ 
 
 Could earthly love avail to save, 
 
 Or spirit puritied, 
 Or youth and hope and holy faith, 
 
 Thou surely hadst not died. 
 Thy labor in the vineyard closed 
 
 Long ere the noontide sun ; 
 The dew still glistened on the leaves j 
 
 When thy short task was done. 1 
 
 The angel came and called for thee, 
 
 He took thee by the hand, 
 He led thee to the river's side, 
 
 And showed the shining land ; 
 And thou didst lauuch thy trembling bark, 
 
 And fearlessly go o'er, 
 Nor cast one lingering backward glance 
 
 Upon the fading shore. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 343 
 
 And glorious was the light that streamed 
 
 Down from the pearly gate ; 
 And glorious were the angel band, 
 
 'I'hat round thy steps did wait; 
 And blessed were the harmonies 
 
 That through the air did roll, 
 The welcome of the host of heaven 
 
 Unto thy blissful soul. 
 
 And there thou art in glory shining, 
 
 Such as no eye can see, 
 And there we think without repining 
 
 That thou shalt ever be : 
 For though the way is long and dreary 
 
 Up to the hills of light,* 
 And though our steps are often weary 
 
 With wandering through the night, 
 
 We trust in him who was thy Guide 
 
 To lead us all the way. 
 Till on our souls shall dawn the light 
 
 Of the eternal day. 
 Sweet are the memories our hearts 
 
 Shall ever keep of thee. 
 Till in our Father's house at last 
 
 Thy face once more we see. 
 
 ON THE DEATH OF MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Scarce was the joyance o'er 
 
 That hailed the nuptial rite, 
 And scarce the tender, parting tear 
 
 Dried in its channels bright, 
 When o'er the Atlantic surge. 
 
 There came a sound of woe, — 
 The flower that erst our garden deck'd 
 
 Was in its bloom laid low. 
 
 See page 68 of the Memoir. 
 
344 MSS. MARf E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 Sweet friend— within our souls, 
 
 How fresh each hallowed trace, 
 Thy meek forgetfulness of self. 
 
 Thy loveliness and grace. 
 Thy hand, the harp that rul'd, 
 
 Thy warbled music sweet, 
 Thy childhood's early choice to sit 
 
 Low at thy Saviour's feet. 
 
 Within the house of God 
 
 There was a marriage train, 
 A gathered throng, a breathless hush. 
 
 An anthem's thrilling strain. 
 And thou in snowy robe 
 
 Wert by thy lover's side. 
 While there a father's voice invok'd 
 
 Heaven's blessing on the bride. 
 
 Thy path was o'er the wave, 
 
 To ancient climes afar, 
 Where turns the pagan's blinded eye, 
 
 From Bethlem's blessed star ; 
 But, soon life's labor o'er. 
 
 There was a peaceful sleep, 
 Where richly blooms the Moslem rose. 
 
 And dew-eyed myrtles weep. 
 
 And now there's grief tor thee. 
 
 Fair inmate of the grave. 
 Where bright Bosphorus proudly flows, 
 
 And Asia's palm trees wave. 
 And deep within his soul 
 
 Is anguish unexpressed, 
 Who held thee for so brief a space, 
 
 A pearl-drop on his breast. 
 
 Not in the church yard-green 
 
 Beneath thy native sky, 
 Thou by thine infant sister's side, 
 
 Or brother dear might lie. 
 
 i 
 
345 »niS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 But with their spirits pure 
 
 Thou join'st a glorious train. 
 Where ne'er a golden link was broke 
 
 From love's eternal chain. 
 
 Sad is thy parent's home. 
 
 And lone their evening fire, 
 Yet there doth blessed Memory bend 
 
 And holy faith aspire. 
 As angel comforters 
 
 Tiiey point desponding love 
 To what thou wert while here below. 
 
 And what thou art above. 
 
 L. H. S. 
 
A FATHER'S MEMORIAL OF AN ONLY DAUGHTER. 
 
 A DISCOURSE 
 
 DELIVERED IN 
 
 THE FIRST CHURCH IN HARTFORD, 
 
 SABBATH EVENING, DECEMBER 9th, 1844. 
 
 ON THE DEATH OF 
 
 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 
 
 WIFE OF REV. HENRY J. VAN LENNEP, 
 
 Missionary to Turkey; 
 
 WHO DIED IN CONSTANTINOPLE, SEPTEMBER 27th, 1844. 
 
 BY JOEL HA WES, D. D. 
 
A SERMON. 
 
 He shall enter into peace ; they shall rest in their beds, each one walking lu hia 
 
 uprightness. — Isaiah 57 : 2. 
 
 I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy likeness. — Psalm 17 : 15. 
 
 Besides the general appropriateness of these scriptures 
 to the occasion on which we are met, there are two special 
 reasons which have led me to the choice of them, as the 
 theme of present discourse. 
 
 The dear departed one greatly loved a little manual of 
 devotion, called *' Daily Food." She was for years in the 
 habit of reading and meditating on the text selected for the 
 day, as a means of Christian improvement. It M^as so, 
 that the two verses just read, were the ones for the day on 
 ■which she died, " He shall enter into peace ; they shall 
 rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness." 
 "I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy likeness." Sink- 
 ing under the power of disease, she was probably unable 
 to read or meditate on these scriptures, on the morning of 
 that day, as she was wont ; but just as the sun had passed 
 its meridian, she went, I trust, to realize their full, sweet 
 meaning in the presence of her Saviour. The other rea- 
 son referred to is this. In the evening before our final 
 parting at Smyrna, on the 10th of last May, I attended a 
 little meeting for conference and prayer, in the family of 
 one of our missionaries. In expectation of the sad fare- 
 30 
 
350 ^IliS MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 well on the morrow, my feelings led me to select, as the 
 subject of my remarks, the last of the two verses chosen 
 for my text. I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy 
 likeness. My dear child was one of the little circle that 
 composed my audience ; and it was the last time that she 
 ever listened to the voice of Christian instruction and en- 
 couragement from the lips of her father. And I love now 
 to reflect, that my last words were so appropriate to a 
 final interview, and so fitted to help her on through the 
 remainder of her short pilgrimage on earth. 
 
 The scriptures, then, set at the head of this discourse, 
 seem to me to have a peculiar claim to direct our meditations 
 on the present occasion. In speaking from them, I shall en- 
 deavor, as far as I can, to lay aside the feelings of a father 
 towards a much loved daughter, and address my audience, 
 just as I would, were I preaching a sermon on the death 
 of any youthful member of my charge. What I may say 
 of the deceased will not be in eulogy, but in praise of that 
 grace which made her what she was, and in thankfulness 
 for that kindness of my heavenly Father, which comforts 
 my bereaved heart with the blessed hope that he has taken 
 her to himself in glory. 
 
 I have wished also, by falling in with the train of reflec- 
 tion awakened by the death of my daughter in the minds 
 of many, especially, of her young acquaintances, more 
 deeply to impress upon them the lessons of this provi- 
 dence, that so, she being dead, might still speak to them 
 who knew and loved her while yet she was with us. 
 
 In presenting a brief illustration of the sentiments con- 
 tained in our text, we may notice, 
 
 I. The peaceful death of the righteous. And, 
 
 II. The state of blessedness into which they enter on 
 leaving the body 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 351 
 
 I. The gospel aside, death is a most gloomy and dis- 
 tressing event. It puts an end to all our enjoyments, pur- 
 poses, and hopes. It severs us from every thing we hold 
 dear on earth ; seals up our senses, stops the vi^arm cur- 
 rent of life, and commits our bodies to the cold and silent 
 grave, there to moulder back to corruption and dust. Rea- 
 son sheds no light on this dark scene ; wakes up no hope 
 in the bosom of the departing, and speaks no comfort to 
 the smitten hearts of survivors. It cannot assure us that 
 we shall exist beyond the grave ; much less can it tell us 
 in what state we are to exist, or how we may hope to ap- 
 pear, in peace, in the presence of the great Being, whom 
 we cannot but know we have offended by our sins, and 
 who holds our destiny for eternity in his hands. Hence 
 death has been most significantly called the king of ter- 
 rors ; and he fulfills all the dreadful meaning of his name 
 towards such as know not God, and reject the overtures of 
 his grace in Christ. 
 
 But life and immortality are bought to light in the gos- 
 pel. There we are assured by a fulness of evidence that 
 excludes all doubt, that he who made us, has made us for 
 an endless existence, and that, if we are found in him, 
 *' who is the resurrection and the life," death hath no 
 sting for us, and the grave no terrors ; we go in peace ; we 
 rest in our beds ; every one that walketh in his uprightness. 
 This is the blessed instruction contained in our text. Let 
 us dwell upon it for a moment. 
 
 The peace and rest spoken of are restricted, you per- 
 ceive, to a particular character ; to him that walketh in 
 uprightness. This, in the sense of the Bible, is a peculiar 
 character. It belongs only to true Christians ; such as have 
 been born of the Spirit ; as love God supremely, and are uni- 
 ted to Christ by an affectionate, living faith. No sweetness 
 of natural temper, no amiableness of disposition, no correct- 
 
352 ^^^S- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 ness of outward conduct, constitutes, in the sight of God, 
 an ujDright, or righteous character. These natural traits 
 you may posses in great perfection, and yet your heart be 
 dead to the love of God, and yourself a stranger to all the 
 exercises of true piety. Marvel not, my friends, you must 
 be born again. The youngest, the oldest, the most kind, 
 amiable and moral among you, must experience this great 
 change, or the character of uprightness, to which alone 
 peace and rest in the dying hour are promised, can never 
 be yours ; and you can never enter the kingdom of heaven. 
 The Bible throughout is strikingly discriminating on this 
 point. It tells 3'ou of peace in your latter end, of rest in 
 your funeral couch, of awaking in the likeness of God, and 
 of being satisfied forever in his presence ; and it tells you 
 also to whom these blessings belong, even to such, and 
 only such, as walk in uprightness, — love God, trust in 
 Christ as their Saviour, and serve him in an obedient 
 Christian life. All such are entitled to the blessings indi- 
 cated in our text. They are pardoned of God, are accept- 
 ed in Christ, are sealed heirs of heaven ; and die when, or 
 how, or where they may, no harm can come to them ; 
 death is to them a conquered foe ; their Saviour has en- 
 tered the grave before them, and for them, and all their 
 interests are safe for eternity. In Christ they have a sure 
 foundation of peace as they go down into the dark valley ; 
 and having his rod and his staff to comfort them, they need 
 fear no evil. 
 
 The phrase in our text, he shall enter into peace, is ren- 
 dered by Bishop Lowth, " he shall go in peace." Thus 
 understood, it denotes the calm and peaceful manner in 
 which the righteous are wont to leave the world. They 
 are not, like the wicked, driven away in their sins ; they 
 have hope in their death ; their end is peace. Hence it is 
 said in the next clause of the text j *' they rest in their 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 353 
 
 beds." The allusion is probably to the grave, which is 
 often represented in the scriptures as a place of rest. Thus 
 in Job it is said, " There the wicked cease from troubling, 
 and there the weary are at rest." This sentiment is beau- 
 tifully expressed in the following lines from Watts : 
 
 Nor pain, nor grief, nor anxious fear 
 Invade thy bounds ; no mortal woes, 
 
 Can reach the peaceful sleeper here. 
 While angels watch the soft repose. 
 
 Not that the soul sleeps in the grave, or remains in an 
 unconscious, torpid state, as some have supposed, during 
 the period that intervenes between the death of the body 
 and the general resurrection. The whole current of scrip- 
 ture is against this gloomy sentiment. We are uniformly 
 taught that to be absent from the body is equivalent to 
 being present with the Lord, and that the souls of the 
 righteous do immediately on leaving their houses of .clay, 
 enter into a state of conscious activity and enjoyment. 
 " It is true, a delightful truth, that the bodies of the saved, 
 which at death their souls leave, in order to be with Jesus, 
 do rest in their graves." There, as in peaceful beds, they 
 repose, till awaked by the call of him who summoned 
 Lazarus from his tomb, who shall then make them like his 
 own glorious body, fit tenements of glorified spirits. But 
 the leading idea intended to be conveyed by that part of the 
 text we are now considering is, that the righteous, when 
 they die, go in peace. The fear of ^eath is removed. 
 They are sustained by the hope full of immortality. They 
 are at peace with themselves, at peace with their fellow 
 men, at peace with God ; and thus they are prepared to 
 leave the world in peace, and enter into everlasting rest. 
 The grave is to them a place of calm and peaceful repose. 
 No persecution comes there ; no trials await them there ; 
 30* 
 
354 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 no sin, no sorrow, no evil of any kind. They sleep in 
 Jesus, and are blessed ; and in the morning of the resur- 
 rection shall come forth to inherit immortal joys in heaven. 
 In this manner, Abraham, Moses, David and the prophets 
 died. In this manner, Paul and Stephen, and multitudes 
 of the primitive saints died. In this manner great numbers 
 of our own Christian friends have died. And in this man- 
 ner, thousands of believers in Christ are every hour burst- 
 ing away from their earthly tabernacles, bidding adieu to 
 earth and time, in peaceful hope of eternal rest in Jesus. 
 We pass to consider, 
 
 II. The state of blessedness into which the righteous 
 enter on leaving the body. I shall be satisfied, says the 
 Psalmist, when I awake with thy likeness. This blessed 
 hope is common to all true believers, and they go to real- 
 ize its fulness immediately on passing into the spiritual 
 world. For though it be admitted, that, in some sense, 
 there is an intermediate state between death and the res- 
 urrection, and that then a change will take place in the 
 condition of the saved, by which they will be raised still 
 higher in glory and blessedness, that does not prevent their 
 being happy, consciously active and happy, and perfect in 
 the likeness of God their Saviour, the moment they die 
 and leave their bodies. This is plainly the doctrine of the 
 scriptures. David had no expectation of a long, uncon- 
 scious sleep in the grave, when he said, I shall behold thy 
 face in righteousness ; I shall be satisfied when I awake 
 with thy likenessk Paul, when in a strait betwixt two, 
 wishing to depart, and yet willing to stay, fully believed 
 that if he should die, he would immediately be with Christ. 
 And the penitent malefactor, according to the promise of 
 the Saviour, went, on the very day of his death, to be with 
 him in Paradise. All true believers then, do at once, on 
 leaving the body, awake in the likeness of God, and are 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 355 
 
 satisfied. They go to be with Christ where he is ; and 
 seeing him as he is, they will be like him. This trans- 
 formation, this change into the divine likeness, will at first 
 be perfect in kind^ but not in degree- All the glorious lin- 
 eaments of the Saviour's character will be drawn on theirs ; 
 and thus arrayed in his likeness, the redeemed will shine 
 forth in all the beauties of holiness. Still there will be 
 progress. As ages roll away, they will continually increase 
 in knowledge, in holiness and in happiness; and so be 
 eternally rising into a nearer, and still nearer resemblance 
 to their divine Lord and Head, and yet be eternally at an 
 infinite remove from his perfection and glory. Then they 
 will be satisfied. 
 
 1. In the first place, they will be satisfied with them- 
 selves. Here they never were. They carried about with 
 them a body of sin and death. Their temptations, their 
 conflicts, their trials were many; and they groaned, being 
 burdened. But at. death they part with imperfection, sin 
 and sorrow forever. They awake in the likeness of their 
 Saviour, and are satisfied. Nothing remains in them, or 
 pertains to them to awaken regret, or interrupt enjoyment, 
 or darken hope. Of all that blessed assembly, there is no 
 eye that weeps, no breast that sighs, no tongue that com- 
 plains, and no heart that does not bear the image, reflect 
 the glory, and rejoice in the presence of God the Saviour. 
 Healed of every disease, freed from every corruption, and 
 breathing the pure air of the celestial regions, every one, 
 on awaking in the divine likeness, will be clothed with 
 immortal youth and vigor, and every grace and every fac- 
 ulty will be ripened into maturity, and brought into a 
 never ending course of delightful exercise and improve- 
 ment. 
 
 2. Awaking in the likeness of God, the redeemed will 
 be satisfied with the place of their residence. That will 
 
356 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 be heaven ; the world of unclouded light and everlasting 
 blessedness ; where all things are as great as here they are 
 little ; where all things are as substantial as here they are 
 vain ; where all things are as fixed as here they are tran- 
 sitory. The saved of the Lord, on leaving the body, enter 
 that world as their proper home ; it is adorned with infi- 
 nite magnificence and beauty, a fit residence for angels and 
 glorified spirits in the presence of God and the Lamb. And 
 O, what a change ! to be taken from an earthly cottage to 
 the palace of the great king ; from the sins and sorrows of 
 earth, to the holiness and joys of heaven ; from a frail, dis- 
 eased, dying body, to the everlasting strength andundecay- 
 ing vigor of the Paradise of God. 
 
 3. They will be satisfied with their society. It will be 
 a society of perfectly holy and benevolent beings ; compo- 
 sed of the general assembly and church of the first born in 
 heaven ; of the spirits of the just made perfect ; of an innu- 
 merable company of angels ; of Jesus, the Mediator of the 
 new covenant ; and of God, the Judge of all. To this 
 society the redeemed are admitted immediately on leaving 
 the world; and they commence an acquaintance, with pa- 
 triarchs and prophets, with apostles and martyrs, and with 
 the most amiable and worthy characters that have ever 
 lived ; among them their own dear Christian friends, who 
 have entered before them into glory, and are waiting to 
 welcome them to their everlasting home. Dear friends 
 and relatives, parted here on the shores of time, meet again 
 in heaven, to review together the dealings of God with 
 them in this state of trial, to dwell together in his pres- 
 ence, never more to be separated. 
 
 4. They will be satisfied with their employments. These 
 will be of the most pure and exalted kind, perfectly adapt- 
 ed to their immortal natures, and fitted to promote, in the 
 highest degree, their improvement and happiness. Wor- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 357 
 
 ship and praise will be a part, but not all of their occupa- 
 tion. Entering heaven with all their faculties ennobled, 
 and their hearts glowing with holy love, the redeemed 
 will, doubtless, occupy spheres of extended activity and 
 usefulness, and forever be eniployed in ways, which will 
 exercise every power, and call forth every benevolent affec- 
 tion in the most perfect manner; all adapted to a state of 
 complete and everlasting blessedness. 
 
 5. They M^ill be satisfied with their prospects. These 
 will be equal to their desires ; and will eternally be grow- 
 ing brighter and brighter. Here their happiest seasons are 
 usually of short duration, and are always liable to interrup- 
 tion from the anxieties, the cares, the vicissitudes and van- 
 ities of this sinful world. But nothing can ever cloud the 
 prospects, or interrupt the joys of the redeemed in glory. 
 Death and sorrow, disease and pain, crying and tears will 
 have fled forever; and they will be able to look forward to 
 interminable ages, and anticipate, not only the continuance 
 but constant increase of knowledge, holiness and happiness, 
 as long as duration shall last. Their bodies, their minds, 
 their residence, their employments, their society and their 
 fruitions, will form a system of glory and of good, which 
 will know no interruption and no end ; which will be re- 
 fining, brightening and increasing forever. In thy pres- 
 ence is fulness of joy ; and at thy right hand are pleasures 
 forever more. 
 
 6. They will be satisfied with all the means which God 
 saw fit to employ to prepare them for, and to bring them 
 to heaven. These often appeared to them, while in this 
 vale of tears, deeply mysterious and painful. But all will 
 be cleared up in the light of eternity ; and it will there be 
 seen, that the afflictions, disappointments and trials of this 
 life, were all appointed, by infinite wisdom and goodness, 
 and were a necessary discipline to wean us from the world 
 
358 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 and prepare us for heaven. If we, through grace, shall 
 finally be admitted into that world, we shall see, that not one 
 trial, not one disappointment or affliction was laid upon us 
 here, which was not needful and designed to promote our 
 highest good. What we know not now, we shall know 
 then. We shall remember all the way in which the Lofd 
 our God led us in this dark and trying world ; and every 
 review of the past will only serve to increase our gratitude 
 and elevate our praises for the goodness and mercy with 
 which our covenant God followed us all the days of our 
 pilgrimage on earth. I add, 
 
 7. The redeemed on awaking in the likeness of God will 
 be satisfied with every part of the divine counsels and gov- 
 ernment. This is a world of mysteries. We are a mys- 
 tery to ourselves ; and every thing around us is mysterious. 
 We cannot fathom the purposes of God, nor comprehend 
 the reasons of his conduct; and often his goings are 
 shrouded in darkness, and seem to us planted in the great 
 deep. We see enough indeed in God to inspire confidence 
 and sustain hope ; still we see through a glass darkly, and 
 our weak faith is often greatly tried and ready to fail us. 
 It will not be so in heaven. All who enter that happy 
 world will see as they are seen, and know as they are 
 known. The mysteries of providence will then be un- 
 folded. The great plan of Jehovah respecting man will be 
 completed ; his redeemed people will all be gathered home 
 to glory ; and the reasons of his conduct towards our race 
 will be explained and published to the universe ; and in 
 view of all, the ransomed of the Lord will be satisfied, 
 There will be no blemish, no defect in any part of the 
 divine administration. All will appear just as it should be, 
 infinitely wise, benevolent and glorious ; and they will thus 
 be prepared to rejoice and be eternally happy in the king- 
 donn and under the government of God, 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 359 
 
 ^ ^ • _______________™ 
 
 These, my friends, are great truths. We owe them en- 
 tirely to the blessed word of our God ; and they should 
 awaken in us constant gratitude and praise to him, who 
 inspires us with such hopes in the house of our pilgrimage. 
 What are we, and what our deservings, that we should 
 thus engage the benevolent regards of God our Saviour. 
 Miserable sinners ; unworthy of the least blessing that is 
 poured into our cup. And yet we are told of entering 
 into peace ; of resting in our beds ; of awaking in the 
 likeness of God, and of being satisfied forever with the joyS 
 of his presence. God will call and we shall answer him, 
 rise in his image, be made like unto our Head, be where he 
 is, blessed eternally with the visions of his glory. Let us 
 dwell upon the prospect and rejoice in the hope. It will 
 cheer us amid the dark passages of life, make the trials of 
 it light, and fit us for a brighter crown in that kingdom to 
 which we are going. 
 
 And how firm aground for peace and hope have we here, 
 in the prospect of death ? What indt ed is death to a 
 Christian ? The gateway of eternal glory. That passed, 
 he enters into the joy of his Lord, and commences an end- 
 less course of improvement, in all that can add dignity and 
 blessedness to an immortal being. A Christian then, 
 instead of shrinking with fear from the change of death, 
 should look to it with serene and cheerful hope, and when 
 it comes, die, as millions have, in peace and joy, and go to 
 the bosom of his Redeemer and God. The way is not 
 strange, not untried. All the saved, from Abel the first, 
 to the last one that has ascended to glory, have passed that 
 way ; and each, as he has mounted upward, in the bright 
 and shining course, has testified to the safety and blessed- 
 ness of dying in the Lord. This should encourage others 
 who yet linger here on the shores of time, to look upon 
 death with calmness and hope ; to welcome its approach 
 
360 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 as a call from their Redeemer to quit these scenes of mor- 
 tality, and go to inherit eternal joys in his kingdom. Dying, 
 to the Christian, is but going home ; and who should b^ 
 unwilling to go home, when that home is heaven, and the 
 society waiting to welcome us there are our own dear 
 friends who have died in the Lord, and the whole glorious 
 company of the redeemed ? 
 
 Here too we find strong consolation in the death of Chris- 
 tian friends. They have gone from us ; but the}^ are not 
 lost to themselves, nor to the kingdom of God. They still 
 live ; live in all the vigor and activity of their immortal 
 faculties — live in the perfect likeness of Christ, and amid 
 the glories of the heavenly world. And should not this 
 reconcile us to their removal from us by death ? Should 
 we sorrow as those that have no hope, now that the great 
 design of all that the Saviour did for them in their redemp- 
 tion, and in calling them by his grace to be his disciples, is 
 consummated in their perfection and everlasting blessed- 
 ness in heaven ? Do we rejoice and give thanks to the 
 God of providence, when a dear friend of ours, having a 
 dangerous sea to navigate, has made the voyage in safety 
 and attained the desired haven ? How much more should 
 we rejoice and give thanks to the God of grace, when our 
 Christian friends have finished the voyage of life ; have 
 escaped all the storms and dangers of this boisterous ocean, 
 and are safe in the haven of everlastinp; rest ? We are not 
 indeed forbidden to mourn our loss. Tears were made to 
 be shed ; and never is there a fitter occasion for them, than 
 when dear kindred and friends are separated from us by 
 the stroke of death. But we should remember, that if they 
 die as Christians, our loss is their gain, and that while we 
 sorrow and weep that we shall see their face no more in the 
 flesh, thet/ are rejoicing and singing praise in the kingdom 
 of glory. O, could we look within the veil and see them 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 3^1 
 
 where Christ is, made like him, dwelling in his presence 
 and beholding his glory, should we wish them to return to 
 us on earth, to conflict again with the temptations and sins, 
 and with the trials and sorrows of this our mortal state ? 
 Should we not rather fall down on our knees before God, 
 and thank and praise him for his great grace in fitting for, 
 and taking home to glory those whom we love ; and return 
 to these earthly scenes and duties with warmer desires* 
 and more strenuous efforts, that we may be prepared in 
 God's own good time, to go and join our departed friends 
 in heaven, and with them be ever with the Lord ? 
 
 I trust I feel grateful to God, my friends, that while I 
 open these fountains of consolation to you, I am permitted 
 to drink at them myself in this day of my bereavement and 
 sorrow. God has seen fit to take from me my beloved and 
 only daughter ; and I thank him for the precious evidence 
 I have, in her life and in her death, that she has entered 
 into peace, and rests in her Saviour's bosom. 
 
 My object in the few brief notices of her, which I may 
 now present, is not to obtrude my sorrows upon your atten- 
 tion, nor to eulogize the virtues of the dear deceased one ; 
 but as I have said, to honor the grace of God which made 
 her what she was, and to lead all who hear me, especially, 
 her young acquaintances and friends, to prize very highly 
 that religion which she loved, and prepare to go to that 
 heaven where I trust she has gone. 
 
 It is a very pleasant remembrance to her parents, that 
 from her earliest years she was a peculiarly affectionate and 
 dutiful child. Her tender mind opened itself in docility 
 and love ; and like a fresh flower of spring, shed forth the 
 fragrance of its affections upon all around. To know the 
 desires of her father, or mother, was enough to engage a 
 prompt and cheerful obedience. She was early taught that 
 she was a sinner, and needed the renewing grace of God to 
 29 
 
362 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 fit her for his service and kingdom ; and from the time she 
 was eight years of age, she was the subject of more than 
 usually deep religious impressions. She felt that her heart 
 was not right with God ; that she needed what every hu- 
 man being, however young, and however amiable, needs, 
 a new heart to be given her by the Holy Spirit. 
 
 On entering her tenth year, there was a marked change 
 in her feelings. The scene was one never to be forgotten, 
 either by herself or her parents. It was noticed, that, for 
 some days, her mind was the subject of intense and serious 
 thought. Occasionally the unbidden tear would be seen 
 trembling in the eye, or stealing down the cheek, till, one 
 evening, having spent some time in retirement, she was 
 heard singing in a low, sweet voice, when on opening the 
 door of her room, her delightful exclamation was, " O, I 
 am so happy ; I have found God ; I am so happy ; I can 
 pray now." She had knelt, as at other times, with a bur- 
 dened heart, and under a sense of separation from God, 
 and he had met her and had blessed her. To use her own 
 language ; "it seemed like speaking to a dear, kind friend ; 
 God seemed near to me ; and I felt that he heard me." 
 From that time she gave us every pleasant evidence of 
 being a child of God. Her youthful piety did not, as it 
 often does, pass away like a morning cloud. It was a plant 
 of celestial origin. It was rooted deep in the heart, and it 
 grew and brought forth increasing fruit to God till the end 
 of her life. 
 
 From the time she hopefully became a Christian, she 
 had a strong desire to devote herself to Christ in a public 
 profession of religion. But it was thought she was too 
 young. After having patiently waited a year, at the close 
 of a communion season, when she remained at home, she 
 summoned all her powers of argument to reason on the sub- 
 ject with those whom she had ever been accustomed to 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 3g3 
 
 reverence and obey. She asked, "when our Saviour said, 
 do this in remembrance of me, did he mean to exclude 
 children ?" She was told that her father thouo;ht her too 
 young to take so important a step. " How old must I be? 
 before I obey Christ?" She was answered that twelve 
 was thought to be a proper age to make a profession of 
 religion. " O," she exclaimed, with much emotion, " 1 shall 
 have to wait a whole year, and I have waited a whole year 
 now,"^ This reasoning of a child seems to me more con- 
 clusive now, than it did then, and I should be much more 
 ready to act upon it in admitting young persons to the 
 church. 
 
 Soon after she was twelve years of age, her wishes were 
 gratified in being received to the communion. It was with 
 her a season of great tenderness ; and to commemorate the 
 love of her Saviour, at his table, was a privilege which 
 became more and more precious to her as long as she lived. 
 Her Christian course was remarkably uniform and exein- 
 plary ; and it was pleasant to see how, from time to time, 
 she was growing in grace and in the knowledge of her 
 Lord and Saviour. She felt that her profession of the 
 name of Christ brought with it very tender and solemn 
 obligations, which required of her a peculiar character and 
 deportment ; and feeling that she was not her own, but 
 bought with a price, she conscientiously endeavored so to 
 live as to honor the sacred name by which she was called. 
 
 Her religion, not a name, or a form, but a living, inward 
 principle of holy love, partook largely of the cheerful and 
 the pleasant. She looked to it as a source of peace and 
 joy and hope. It shed a heavenly light on her mind, 
 sweetened her temper, sanctified her affections, enlarged 
 her views, elevated her aims, and taught her to associate 
 all her purest and best enjoyments, with the love of her 
 Father in heaven, and the delightful anticipation of higher 
 
364 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 and nobler enjoyments hereafter. She possessed naturally 
 a good mind, — well cultivated, well balanced, active and 
 intelligent; susceptible, in a very high degree, of just im- 
 pressions from whatever objects engaged her attention ; 
 and was characterized also, by a confiding, artless simpli- 
 city and afFectionateness of character which I have rarely 
 seen surpassed. This was the secret of her influence over 
 the young, in whom she felt so lively an interest, and of 
 the facility with which she won upon the confid^ce and 
 love of all with whom she associated. She had many 
 friends, but no enemies ; and it has been truly said of her, 
 in a letter of sympathy received from an eminent person, 
 who saw her for a little time just before she left this coun- 
 try, " She found a short way to the hearts of every one that 
 knew her." 
 
 She had an exquisite relish for the beauties of nature 
 and art ; and the interest she felt in these beauties was 
 inexpressibly heightened by the fact, that she looked at 
 them with the eye of a Christian ; connected them with 
 the wisdom and goodness of God, and regarded them as 
 pledges of brighter glories to be enjoyed in the heavenly 
 world. Hence, when the shores of Europe and Africa 
 first burst upon her view, she beheld them with the deep- 
 est emotion, and wrote in her journal, — " I have been 
 praying that I may look upon all these interesting scenes 
 with the feelings of a Christian ; and may all that I see 
 prepare me for my work in that dear land which comes 
 nearer every hour." And when in 1841, she lay, as was 
 supposed, at the point of death, she said, — " This is a 
 beautiful world and I love it ; all its hills and pleasant 
 prospects, all of it is very beautiful to me. And then, I 
 have many precious friends ; O how precious ! and 
 how I love them ! And when I think of leaving them, 
 and having no more to do with the scenes here on the 
 
MRS. MARV E. VAN LENNEP. 2Sd 
 
 earth ; never, no, never, till the resurrection morning, then 
 I am sad at the prospect of bidding adieu to them. But 
 when I look on the other side, and think of heaven and of 
 Jesus, and that my Saviour has something for me to do 
 there, then it seems pleasant to me, and I want to go." 
 
 I may here remark, in passing, that out of her own fam- 
 ily, no human being exerted a greater or more happy in- 
 fluence in the formation of her character than Mary Jane 
 Chester, afterwards Mrs. Hovey. Herself a model of 
 female loveliness, intelligent, affectionate, refined and win- 
 ning in her manners ; a Christian of warm hearted, cheer- 
 ful piety, disinterested in her aims, and devoted in her du- 
 ties in an eminent degree, this amiable and excellent young 
 Christian early took a deep interest in my dear Mary ; she 
 was for several years her Sabbath school teacher ; and I 
 feel grateful to God, that my child, in her tender age, en- 
 joyed the instruction, the prayers and the example of one, 
 who was so well qualified to cherish her piety and to elicit 
 and mature her virtues. From her she received many 
 most valuable suggestions in regard to the daily reading of 
 the Scriptures, the practice of private devotion, self-disci- 
 pline and the cultivation of personal religion. They w^ere 
 tenderly united in affection here ; death separated them 
 for a season ; they have met now in the kingdom of light 
 and love, and they will part no more. 
 
 The deceased had great tenderness of conscience ; a 
 quick perception and a deep feeling of right and duty. 
 While she had a most affectionate regard for the feelings 
 and wishes of others, and instinctively shrunk from giving 
 pain to any human being, she would never yield a hair in 
 sacrifice of duty, or where she thought she might incur the 
 suspicion of wrong. Her religion was a matter of princi- 
 ple ; and it led her to study not how far she might go in 
 conforming to the world, without incurring positive guilt ; 
 29* 
 
366 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 but how she might shun even the appearance of evil, best 
 cultivate her Christian character, and best glorify her Sa- 
 viour. If in certain amusements, practiced even in some 
 professedly Christian families, she could not conscientiously 
 unite, it was not because she deemed them positively sin- 
 ful, but because she thought them of doubtful tendency, 
 leading on to evil, and felt that they might injure her Chris- 
 tian influence. She was right in this ; and though some 
 may have thought her too scrupulous on such points, I feel 
 sure it is no matter of regret with her now, that she was 
 so conscientious and exact in her Christian walk while 
 here below. 
 
 She loved her Bible, and she loved prayer; and it was 
 by an assiduous attention to the Scriptures and the duties 
 of daily devotion, that she cultivated that spirit of cheerful, 
 lively and fruitful piety, which so diffused itself through 
 her whole character and life. She had set times to pray 
 for her friends and for different objects. This habit was 
 early formed, and it was continued, as appears from her 
 journal, till prevented by her last sickness. 
 
 In a note to a young friend in this city, dated the 26th 
 of August, the very last perhaps she ever wrote, she says, 
 " O, it is a sweet comfort to pray for our absent friends. 
 In the quiet hours, v/hen the moon looks down upon these 
 silent waters* my thoughts invariably wander to the far 
 away friends, and the yearnings of my spirit to see them, 
 can only be satisfied by lifting up my prayer to Him who 
 can bless them with his own sweet presence." Her affec- 
 tion for her friends was indeed deep and pure, peculiarly 
 disinterested and abiding. 
 
 Humble, unsuspecting and guileless in her disposition, 
 she never indulged herself in unkind, ill-natured remarks 
 about others. The law of kindness was on her lips, and 
 she never thought, or suspected evil of others, where she 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 357 
 
 could think of good. She knew the value of time ; and 
 she practiced the strictest economy in the use of it. In- 
 stant in season and out of season, will apply to her as fully 
 as to any young person I ever knew. Her needle, her 
 book, her pen, or going on some errand of kindness and 
 mercy, filled up all her hours, and thus she was enabled to 
 live much in a short time. 
 
 She early engaged in the duties of a Sabbath school 
 teacher ; and seldom, it is believed, have those duties 
 been performed in a more exemplary and faithful manner. 
 She went to them, not as a task, but as a pleasure ; and 
 carefully prepared herself for the exercise by prayer and a 
 diligent study of the lesson. Great was the interest she 
 felt in her pupils, visiting them at their homes, having 
 them visit her, lending them books and writing to them, 
 from time to time, to excite and direct their thoughts on 
 the subject of religion ; and many a young person in this 
 house, and many who are not present to hear me, can 
 recollect the tender interest she manifested in their spirit- 
 ual welfare. May they never forget her instructions and 
 her prayers ; and may the impressions made on their 
 minds be ripened into true piety and a bright hope of 
 heaven. 
 
 She early felt an interest in the cause of missions ; and 
 by a train of providences which I may not detail, it was 
 made plain to her own mind, as it was to her parents, that 
 it was her duty to devote herself personally to this cause. 
 But scarcely had she entered upon the field, which, in con- 
 nection with her beloved husband, she hoped to occupy in 
 a life of usefulness, ere she was called to fill, I trust, a 
 higher sphere of service in the heavenly state. Though 
 her residence on missionary ground was exceedingly brief, 
 she appears from many testimonies that have come to us 
 from our distant friends, to have made an impression upon 
 
368 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 all who became acquainted with her, that her heart was 
 wholly in her work, and that she was qualified, had her 
 life been spared, to do much good.* That she was satis- 
 fied and happy in the employment she had chosen, is evi- 
 dent from every part of her journals. She appears never 
 to have had any misgivings or regrets on this point. In a 
 letter to a friend in this city, dated on that 26th of August, 
 when, as I suppose, all her correspondence closed, she 
 says; " It is an unspeakable privilege to be a missionary, 
 and to labor in this land. Much as I long to see your 
 faces, and dear as my home is to me, I would not return to 
 America. 
 
 But I hasten to the closing scene. It was expected 
 when she left this country with her husband, that they 
 would be permanently stationed at Smyrna. But many 
 circumstances seemed to require their removal to Constan- 
 tinople ; and I cheerfully concurred in the arrangement, as 
 likely to prove more favorable to her health, and also to 
 open a wider and more promising field of usefulness. I 
 parted with her in May. She was then in excellent health, 
 and continued thus after her removal to Constantinople, 
 till about the middle of August. She then became ill ; 
 but her disease was in so mild a form, that for several 
 weeks no apprehension was felt by her friends as to the 
 issue. With herself however it was otherwise. '' From 
 the very first," as Rev. Mr. Goodell writes, " her own 
 mind was strongly and strangely impressed with the idea 
 of a fatal termination ; and was intently occupied with the 
 thoughts of another and better life." " She settled all her 
 
 ♦ I love to think of the ardor of zeal and oneness of purpose with 
 which your daughter seemed to be prepared to labor for the Arme- 
 nians. She had her heart wholly set on the great work for which 
 $he came to these lands. — Rev. Mr. Dwight, Constantinople. 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 369 
 
 doubts one by one, as her husband writes ; and on the Sab- 
 bath before her relapse, she expressed a sweet and perfect 
 confidence in her Saviour, and entrusted all things to him." 
 Mr. Goodell adds, — " that during the weeks of her indispo- 
 sition, she scrutinized her heart and lifp with the greatest 
 possible care and fidelity, we are fully assured. The result 
 was this — that the early dedication of herself to God was not 
 the ground of her pardon and acceptance ; that her repen- 
 tance and prayers, and communion seasons, and religious ed- 
 ucation and religious observances, and active services were 
 not her Saviour. And may I trust in the bare word of 
 Christ for salvation, said]she, in great simplicity of manner } 
 I replied you may. Paul trusted to it, and went to heaven. 
 John trusted to it and to nothing else. And had your life 
 been even more holy than theirs, you would still have found, 
 on examination, that your own righteousness was but 
 filthy rags, that you needed an infinite Saviour, and that 
 you had nothing to hang upon but the bare word of Christ. 
 But this bare word of his is every thing, and whoever 
 hangs upon it shall never be confounded. Blessed salva- 
 tion this for poor perishing sinners. And this, 1 have no 
 doubt was all her salvation, and all her desire. On this 
 rock of ages she appeared to plant both her feet, fearless 
 and secure amidst the raging billows." 
 
 Her last message to her parents was a very sweet one. 
 It was two days before her decease. In reply to her hus- 
 band, who was writing by her side and asked whether she 
 had any message to send, she said: — " Give my best love, 
 my very best love. Tell them I have a great many things 
 to say to them but I cannot now, — tell them it will be 
 very, very siveet when all the redeemed meet together in 
 heaven.''' Bear child, it will be sweet, and there we will 
 hope to meet thee. 
 
370 ^^^- MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 On the Sabbath before her death, which took place on 
 Friday, her disease assumed a very alarming aspect, after 
 which her mind occasionally wandered. But on the morn- 
 ing of the day on which she died, her mind became clear 
 and calm, and though unable to converse, so great was her 
 weakness, she yet " whispered words of strong hope and 
 joyful expectation." " Oh how happy, how sweet it will 
 be to be there." When her husband repeated the first 
 
 stanza of the hymn " Jesus, lover of my soul," there 
 
 Was a strong bright smile, and she whispered " yes, yes." 
 Her hearing, her sight, and her strength soon failed her, 
 and she fell asleep, I doubt not in Jesus, and entered into 
 peace. Her grave is in the burying ground of the people 
 to whose spiritual welfare her life was devoted. There, on 
 an eminence overlooking the shores of the Bosphorus, and 
 the city of the Moslems, rest her mortal remains till the 
 bright morning of the resurrection dawns, and brings the 
 final, the eternal day of glory and blessedness. 
 
 Farewell ! dear child, farewell ! ! Very pleasant wert 
 thou in life, but far pleasanter wilt thou be when we shall 
 meet above. Our separation will be short. Thou wilt 
 not return to me, but I shall go to thee. Thy work is 
 done; thy conflicts over; and what of loveliness was in 
 thee here below is now perfected in heaven. It is well. 
 Let no one ask, why was this waste .? The Master had 
 need of her. 
 
 *' He gave her, he took her, and he will restore her." 
 
 His will is done ; and the heart that most loved her 
 would not wish it otherwise. Yes, it is well. In our 
 Father's house there are many mansions. And thou, loved 
 child, whose visage, when last we saw thee here, was ar- 
 rayed in the bloom of health and the smiles of joy, hast 
 put off thine earthly clothing and left these scenes of mor- 
 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 371 
 
 tality forever. Thou hast had thy mansion already on two 
 widely remote continents of this world, and now in the 
 new mansion thy Saviour has prepared for thee in heaven, 
 we, in our bereaved affections and fond hopes, place thee, 
 a happy, purified spirit, uniting in the exalted communion 
 and praises of that upper world. Farewell! farewell! 
 for a little time; then may we who now mourn thee, and 
 all thy loved companions and friends, rise to join thee in 
 the mansions of eternal purity and bliss, whither thou hast 
 gone. 
 
 " I was one of the many who listened with deep and 
 sympathetic interest to the late discourse of the Rev. Dr. 
 Hawes, upon the death of his daughter. As he presented 
 the picture of her pure and lovely character, the words of 
 Christ were continually present to my heart, " of such is 
 the kingdom of heaven ;" and for many days after, that 
 sermon lingered in my thoughts, and would not leave me, 
 until the following lines had fashioned themselves out of 
 my meditations. — Religious Herald, Dec. \Sth^ 1844. 
 
 A VOICE FROM HEAVEN. 
 
 I shine in the light of God, 
 
 His " likeness" stamps my brow, 
 Through the shadows of death my feet have trod, 
 
 And I reign in glory now ; 
 No breaking heart is here, 
 
 No keen and thrilling pain, 
 No wasted cheek, where the frequent tear 
 
 Hath rolled and left its stain, 
 
 I have found the joy of heaven, 
 
 I am one of the angel-band. 
 To my head a crown is given. 
 
 And a harp is in my hand : ^ 
 
372 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 
 
 I have learned the song they sing. 
 
 Whom Jesus hath made free, 
 And the glorious walls of heaven still ring 
 
 With my new-born melody. 
 
 No sin — no grief — no pain. 
 
 Safe in my happy home ; 
 My fears all fled, my doubts all slain, 
 
 My hour of triumph come ; 
 Oh ! friends of my mortal years. 
 
 The trusted and the true. 
 Ye 're walking still in the valley of tears. 
 
 But I wait to welcome you. 
 
 Do I forget? Oh! no; 
 
 For Memory's golden chain 
 Shall bind my heart to the hearts below> 
 
 Till they meet and touch again : 
 Each link is strong and bright, 
 
 And love's electric flame 
 Flows freely down, like a river of light. 
 
 To the world from whence I came. 
 
 1)0 you mourn when another star 
 
 Shines out from the glittering sky ? 
 Do you weep when the noise of war. 
 
 And the rage of conflict die? 
 Then why should your tears roll down. 
 
 And your hearts be sorely riven. 
 For another gem in the Saviour's crown. 
 
 And another soul in heaven ! 
 
 L. M. N. 
 
I 
 
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