Vo,
THE LIFE
or
MRS. MARY FLETCHER,
CONSORT AND RELICT OF
THE KEY. JOHN FLETCHER,
vicar of madeley, salop.
COMPILED FROM HER JOURNAL AND OTHER AUTHENTIC
DOCUMENTS.
BY HENRY MOORE.
The end of the commandment is charity, out of a pure heart, and
of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned.—1 Tim. i. 5.
By faith,—choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of
God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.—Heb. xi. 25.
These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth.—
Key. xiv. 4.
REVISED BY THOMAS 0. SUMMERS, D. D.
Najertjbtllt, ®*nn.:
PUBLISHED BY E. STEVENSON & E. A. OWEN, AGENTS,
for the methodist episcopal church, south.
1857.
PRINTED BY A. A. STITT,
SOUTHERN METHODIST PUBLISHING HOUSE, NASHVILLE, TENN.
The biographical literature of the Church furnishes
perhaps no brighter specimen of female Christian ex¬
cellence than that brought to view in the Memoir of
Mrs. Fletcher. By nearly all parties, her saintly hus¬
band is reputed, in religious attainments, second to no
man who has lived since the days of the beloved disci¬
ple ; and John Wesley said he would not have been
willing for John Fletcher to marry any other woman
than Mary Bosanquet. They were indeed true yoke¬
fellows. Death could not divide them. Though Mrs.
Fletcher survived her husband thirty years, she could
scarcely be called his widow—so intimate and constant
was the spiritual communion she seemed to maintain
with him, until she was permitted to rejoin him in the
skies.
The Memoir of such a woman can scarcely fail to be
edifying—especially as it is for the most part extracted
from her diary. Indeed, it may not improperly be called
her autobiography. The venerable biographer of Mr.
Wesley, the Rev. Henry Moore, who was chosen to pre¬
pare her Memoir, did but little more than select and
arrange the matter furnished by her own papers.
Some passages in her diary in which she speaks of
(iii)
iv
INTRODUCTION.
dreams, sudden impressions, and the like, in such a way
as might lead some to suppose that she laid an undue
stress upon them, are guarded, explained, or defended,
as the case might be, in a preface and brief marginal
notes, which are from the pen of Mr. Moore. The
writer of this introductory note has prefixed a few para¬
graphs on this subject to the Life of Mrs. Hester Ann
Rogers, a work which ought to occupy a place by the
side of the present volume in every closet library.
He has nothing to add in this place, except that he has
no fear that any one will become fanatical and enthusi¬
astic, who defers with reverence to the written word,
prays without ceasing, and lives by that faith which
evinces its genuineness by appropriate fruits—
" By holy, purifying hope,
And the sweet task of love."
Thus did Mrs. Fletcher; and this new edition of her
Memoir is published to "provoke" others "to love and
good works," after the model of Christian perfection
which her life exhibits—as she followed Christ.
THOS. 0. SUMMERS.
Nashville, Tenn., September 24, 1856.
nf an ♦
A short time after I was appointed to the Birming¬
ham district, the papers of the late Mrs. Fletcher were
put into my hands. I was informed, at the same time,
that the venerable person whose life was recorded in
them had mentioned me as one that she wished should
prepare and publish her papers; and that an application
to that effect would have been made to me before that
time, but that the distance of my former appointment
had prevented it, Mrs. Fletcher having laid an injunc¬
tion on her friend to whom, by will, she had committed
them, not to give them absolutely into the hands of any
person whatsoever.
I examined those papers with no common interest.
They gave an account not only of the writer's own life,
but involved, in some respects, that of her admirable
husband. I was certain that those records were desired,
and would be received, by the most pious in these king¬
doms, not as a common religious biography, but as the
record of an uncommon work of God; and that they
would not be expected to fall short of any account which
has come forth in that great revival of scriptural Chris¬
tianity in our day, concerning which we have so often
been constrained to say, What hath God wrought!
I have often wished to see such a display of that work
as would show its genuine nature and fruits, free from
the coloring of those writers who were not directly con-
1* (v)
PREFACE.
cerned in it; or of those who might be so anxious about
its public reputation as to forget that the circumcision
of the heart is justified only by those children of the
light and of the day who prove its power, and cry, Abba,
Father, by the Spirit of adoption; and whose praise is
not of men, but of God. It is much to be desired also
to see such an account made living and powerful by
being personified—to see an individual thus walking
worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in
every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of
God.
A general history of this work, including all the im¬
portant circumstances, has been already published, es¬
pecially in the journals of the Rev. Mr. John Wesley,
the father of Methodism, so called. In these we see,
as in the Gospel, the grain of mustard-seed increasing
and becoming a great tree, to the astonishment of
those who witnessed its small beginning—who "saw the
cloud arise little as a human hand." The display given
us in that account is distinguished 'by the same simpli¬
city, purity, and classical beauty, which are observable
in all the writings of that eminent instrument of God.
This large survey is highly satisfactory; but the aid of
living testimony is necessary to bring it home to the
hearts of those whose inquiry is, What shall I do to be
saved? How shall I walk with God?
Religion is nothing less than the life of God in the soul
of man. It is the offspring of God through faith, and
is not and cannot be attached to churches or religious
communities, though they are so highly necessary to its
propagation and increase. It never was so attached;
though while the covenant of God was established with
the nation of the Jews, it had that appearance. But
even then, all were not Israel who were of Israel. The
children of the promise, and not the children of the flesh,
were counted for the seed. The gospel, however, to the
stumbling of the greatest part of that people, put an end
to that appearance. The national covenant answered
the design of Him who gave it. It foretold, typified,
and prepared the way of the only-begotten Son of God.
PREFACE.
vii
But who could abide the day of his coming ? Who could
stand when he appeared ? It is true he was meek and
lowly in heart, and his very word -and action, toward
even the greatest transgressors, demonstrated that he
came not to destroy men's lives, but to save them. But
he exposed and resisted all those who walked in the der
ceivableness of unrighteousness, and who boasted, like
their fathers, saying,1 The temple of the Lord, the tem¬
ple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, are we! He
looked for personal religion; and all who attached it to
names, ordinances, or communities, he answered with,
Ye worship ye know not what. He enforced poverty
of spirit, mourning, meekness, mercifulness, and purity
of heart; showing thus the beginning and progress of
religion, as given to guilty, sinful, helpless creatures,
in whom dwells no good thing; and who are thus to be
made rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom of heaven;
and who thus alone can be made new creatures, and
meet for the inheritance among the saints in light;
whose robes are washed and made white in the blood
of the Lamb.
These pure and high principles of holy writ, so agree¬
able to the exalted character of Jehovah, and to the
fallen and wretched condition of man, were sought out
and adopted by the band of brothers in the University
of Oxford, nearly ninety years ago. One great truth
involved the whole as necessary to salvation—Without
holiness no man shall see the Lord. They immediately
followed after this, making every sacrifice, and ordering
their whole life that they might attain it. Some time
after, the Lord showed them that his way of conferring
holiness was by faith; and that he justifies men, as be¬
ing ungodly, through the redemption that is in Jesus,
before he sanctifies them. They now knew the whole
truth, and the Lord thrust them forth from their beloved
retirement, to raise a holy people. This was the one
design of these chosen instruments, and every thing
short of it, they counted, to use the language of St.
Paul, wood, hay, or stubble.
But did they spend their strength for naught? Were
viii
PREFACE.
tliey disappointed of their hope? Were not a holy peo¬
ple raised up? Let the Life of Mrs. Fletcher speak.
Let the pious reader say, if she be not introduced, in
these-memoirs, among the excellent of the earth; all
of whom with one voice would testify,
" Blind we were, but now we see,
Deaf, we hearken, Lord! to thee,
Dumb, for thee our tongues employ,
Lame, and lo! we leap tor joy."
"Some who have separated from other communities,"
shys Mr. Wesley, "laid the foundation of that work in
judging and condemning others: we, on the contrary,
in judging and condemning ourselves."
I cannot therefore but greatly rejoice that these me¬
moirs are given to the public, and especially to that com¬
munity of which the writer was so long a highly hon¬
ored and useful member. I cannot but think they will
be a great blessing to the people of God of every denom¬
ination; and especially to all who desire to walk even
as Christ also walked, and who are conscious of an evil
nature, opposing that will of God which is their sancti-
fication. In this point of view especially these memoirs
will be considered, I think, as very precious to all who
fight this good fight of faith. The reader will find in
them no paint: nothing to set the writer off: no extrava¬
gance; but plain life, raised and sanctified by constant
attention to the duties and sacrifices of the gospel; and
issuing in a constant pleading of the great and precious
promises, by which we are made partakers of the Divine
nature: with unremitting efforts to walk by that rule,
Whether ye eat or drink, or whatever ye do, do all to
the glory of God.
Luther observed that there never was a work of God
in the earth that lasted longer, in any community, than
the common life of man: that is, upon an average, about
thirty years. Generally about that period the vineyard
which the Lord planted with his own right hand has
been let out to husbandmen, who, yielding to their na¬
tural propensities, and accommodating the work of the
Lord to the course of this world, have not been careful
PREFACE.
to render to him the required fruit. Hence the visible
state of decay, or of death, in those communities which
once manifested the Divine hand of Him who formed
them. But this work has lasted nearly thrice that
time! There are none alive who witnessed its begin¬
ning, and but very few who knew its early days. If
any such meet with this work, they will call to mind
the very glorious time when it was altogether the work
of God: when it was unsupported by any worldly power
or wisdom, and had all that is earthly, sensual, and devil¬
ish, combined against it. They will see also a consis¬
tency in the design, and in the mode of execution, which
is truly edifying, and not of this world. The instru¬
ments employed in this work, and especially that one
so eminently called thereto, were not careful for such
prosperity as worldly men desire. They knew, like
their blessed Master, that all whom their Father gave
them would come unto them, and they did not desire to
bring the world into his fold. The world is called and
redeemed; but to add to the family of God all who
obeyed that call was their only ambition, and the object
of their incessant labors.
The great superintendent of this work, under God,
looked not for what the world calls great talents in his
helpers. In this respect also he gladly used those whom
the Father gave him; who were witnesses of the truths
which they were called to teach: men who knew God (in
the only way in which he can be truly and powerfully
known) as being merciful to their unrighteousness, and
remembering their sins no more. He was careful also
to see that the true fruit accompanied their ministry,
the justification of the ungodly, and the sanctification
of the unholy. He used to say, "The best physician is
not he who writes the best recipes, but he who makes
the most cures." When men of learning united with
him in this Divine work, he greatly rejoiced, and gladly
received them. The late Mr. Fletcher was an eminent
instance of that kind. His learning was deep, exten¬
sive, clear, and various; but, like his venerable friend,
whom he always called father, he counted even all these
X
PREFACE.
estimable advantages as dung and dross for the excel¬
lency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus his Lord. So
abased was this great man in his own eyes, and so en¬
tirely did he take the Divine mould of the gospel, that
there was not one of those helpers in the work whom he
did not rejoice to call his brother in Christ, and whom
he did not in honor prefer to himself, even in his own
parish.
The private members also were men and women of
God; and among these Miss Bosanquet always held, in
general estimation, the chief place. Her superiority in
natural and providential gifts—her well-known entire
devotedness—her constancy and perseverance in the
Divine life—her doing and suffering the whole will of
her Master, all fitted her, as by a general consent, to be
the consort of that great man, whose praise is in all the
churches; whose admirable writings will live while piety
and learning are honored in the earth; and which have
forced even those who did not know his piety, or affected
to lament that such talents should be so connected, to
acknowledge his great superiority.
That the highest principles of the Christian religion
should be brought into common life, is the greatest dis¬
play of the power of Divine truth that is possible, and
the most glorious victory over the world. It is thus
that righteousness shall cover the earth, and bring glory
to Him that sitteth upon the throne. How poor, how
questionable, are all the refinements of the ploset, the
study, or the cloister, when compared with the love of
God and our neighbor, brought into act, and exhibited
on right principles, amid the common concerns and
labors of life, and attended with its usual trials, afflic¬
tions, and mortifications! To persevere thus is indeed
the perseverance of the saints, and realizes that old say¬
ing, too often quoted by pride and apathy: "It is a sight
worthy of God, when he looks down from heaven, to see
a virtuous mind unswervingly struggle with adversity."
Such a sight, I trust, the pious reader will behold in the
life of Mrs. Fletcher. Her one support in all her trials
was, in substance, that of Job: He knoweth the way that
PREFACE.
xi
I take, and when he hath tried me, I shall come forth
as gold.
What indeed can be so interesting to a mind well in¬
formed and disposed, as to behold the daily walk of one
who, from a very early age, had devoted her whole life
to God? Not living in seclusion, but walking in what
Jeremiah calls the highway, the way of holiness, in which
the wayfaring man, though a fool, shall not err? To see
our Lord's sermon on the mount brought into daily and
hourly practice, according to the evident design of its
Divine Author? To see the house thus built upon the
rock, the truth and love of God; and then to behold the
rains descend, and the floods come, and the winds blow
and beat upon it! Surely they who contemplate the
scene, and behold its stability, will exultingly exclaim:
It falls not, for it is founded upon a rock!
That such a person should be judged by men in the
flesh, while living to God in the spirit, will not be sur¬
prising to any who learn what religion is, by the word
and Spirit of God, and who know the real character of
man. Mrs. Fletcher was thus judged. The common
imputations she outlived, or lived down. One perhaps
may remain. It may still perhaps be said, she was an
enthusiast. To many who use this word no answer
need be returned. Any thing above the dead form of
godliness is with them enthusiasm. A love to Him who
first loved us, and who gave himself for us, the just for
the unjust, to bring us to God, which would at all equal
in its attachment the love that is of earth and sense, is
with them all madness, folly, or hypocrisy. Wisdom is
justified only by her children.
But more sober minds may object that she too much
minded impressions, dreams, and those inward feelings
which religious persons are supposed to be particularly
exposed to. That such things should be condemned,
toto genere, is hardly consistent with any true religion,
seeing the oracles of God so frequently mention them;
and not as attached to the prophetic or ministerial char¬
acter, but as given to those who walk with God in the
humblest path of life. The wisest and best of men have
xii
PREFACE.
not only spoken of such things with respect, but have
made them a part of the religion which they have held
forth to- ages and generations, to communities and king¬
doms. Concerning religious feelings and impressions,
the liturgy of the Church of England, and her estab¬
lished institutes, bear the fullest and most honorable
testimony: setting the highest value on that mode of.
Divine teaching, and of bestowing encouragement and
consolation. We know the worship of our Church is so
constituted as, if possible, to impress the whole nation;
but there are parts of it that can only be considered
as describing and edifying the children of God. How
striking are those passages in the communion service,
where those who spiritually eat the flesh of Christ, and
drink his blood, are said, agreeably to the Holy Scrip¬
tures, to dwell in Christ, and Christ in them—to be one
with Christ, and Christ with themi And in the seven¬
teenth article, where there is the strongest description
of those adopted children of God (so strong indeed in
some of the terms, that not a few have mistaken this
scriptural account of them as descriptive of Mr. Cal¬
vin's system) who, by the counsel of God, are delivered
from the curse and damnation due to sin, and brought
through Christ to everlasting salvation, as vessels made
to honor. "Wherefore they which be endued with so
excellent a benefit of God, be called according to God's
purpose by his Spirit working in due season: they
through grace obey the calling: they be justified freely:
they be made sons of God by adoption: they be made
like unto the image of his only-begotten Son, Jesus
Christ: they walk religiously in good works, and at
length, by God's mercy, they attain to everlasting feli¬
city." And "as this godly consideration of their elec¬
tion in Christ is full of sweet, pleasant, and unspeakable
comfort, to such as feel in themselves the working of
the Spirit of Christ, mortifying the works of the flesh,
and their earthly members, and drawing up their mind
to high and heavenly things, so it doth greatly establish
-and confirm their faith of eternal salvation, and fer¬
vently kindle their love to God."
PREFACE.
xiii
Now with all this life, union, and holy fellowship, are
there no corresponding feelings and enjoyments? no
tasting the powers of the world to come ? no lively im¬
pressions of their heavenly inheritance ? no conscious¬
ness of his love to them, or their love to him in whom
they dwell? no peace or joy in believing? If this were
indeed so, then I am afraid the life, the union, of which
those feelings and impressions have been considered as
the gracious marks, have no real existence; and the
system which boasts of a peace of which the possessor
has no consciousness, a joy which raiseth not "the mind
to high and heavenly things," and a hope which is not
full of immortality, may triumphantly take its place in
the congregation of the dead!
But it will be asked, Did she not lay an undue stress
upon these things? I believe not. I have not per¬
ceived it. On the contrary, I have seen, even when she
believed herself led by the Spirit of God to do that good
which was the settled purpose of her whole life, she
manifested the greatest care to walk according to St.
John's direction, Beloved, believe not every spirit; but
try the spirits whether they be of God. In obedience
to this, she considered and pondered all her ways, and
brought every purpose and act to the only sure touch¬
stone, the unerring word of God. The same charge was
often brought against Mr. Wesley, and for precisely the
same reasons. Answering the most respectable of those
who thus laid to his charge things that he knew not,
viz., Dr. Gibson, the venerable bishop of London, he
replies: "In the whole compass of language, there is
not a proposition which belongs less to me than this. I
have declared again and again, that I make the word of
God the rule of all my actions; and that I no more follow
any secret impulse instead thereof, than I follow Mo¬
hammed or Confucius."
Let Mrs. Fletcher be weighed in this balance, and I
believe she will not be found wanting. She, like Mr.
Wesley, and her excellent husband, served God in new¬
ness of the Spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter.
Hence her life was hid with Christ in God, and she had
2
xiv
PREFACE.
impressions, and consolations, ■which are the fruits and
evidences of that life. But she well knew that the Spirit
of truth never contradicts, never is inconsistent with
himself. His written oracles, and his lively and life-
giving teaching, agree together. She humbly and ear¬
nestly attended to that direction, To the law, and to the
testimony: if, they speak not according to this word, it
is because there is no light in them. A writer of the
present day has strangely said that he knew of no wit¬
ness, no influence, no teaching, but the written word of
God. Perhaps he does not know any other; but there
are many who walk with God who do. But if that
writer only means that he knows, or acknowledges, no
witness, no influence, no teaching, that is contrary to
that holy word, or that is inconsistent with its one de¬
sign, to save us from all sin into all holiness, every true
Christian will applaud the sentiment. Mrs. Fletcher
was watchful in this respect, being aware of the danger.
Hence, though she might err, she never deviated from
the path. She might mistake; but she was always pre¬
served from any departure from her God.
The pious reader will be glad to be assured that the
whole of these memoirs are from Mrs. Fletcher's pen.
In compiling her Life, I have left out much valuable
matter, which was either contained, in substance, in
other parts of these memoirs, or was not of sufficient
interest to appear in the publication. I have also com¬
pressed what I thought was redundant, that the work
migjit not be needlessly swelled. I have also thought it
rightto press her sentences into more conciseness. She
wrote in the fulness of her heart, and with admirable
sense; but her style was rather too copious, and some¬
times too diffuse, for narrative or history. But I have
taken care, at the same time, to give the admirable is¬
sues of her enlightened mind with all the force and sim¬
plicity with which she recorded them.
Those who have read the lives of those truly pious
women, Madame Guion, Chantel, Bourignon, and others
of the same class, which so abundantly prove that even
the cloud of Romish superstition does not preclude the
PREFACE.
XV
rays of the Sun of righteousness, and that involuntary
ignorance God still winketh at, will be glad to see a
life, in the Protestant Church, superior to any of them.
Especially they will see that all in her may be safely im¬
itated, being all according to the faith once delivered to
the saints. They will see, also, not the fair picture only,
but how it came to bear the stamp Divine. They may
trace its progress, and be encouraged to believe that
the Lord, who is ever the same, will thus work in theih
to will and to do, notwithstanding opposing corruptions;
and they will thus be encouraged to give themselves up
to that grace of God which teaches us to deny ungodli¬
ness and worldly lusts, and to live soberly, righteously,
and godly, in this present world; looking for that blessed
hope and the glorious appearing of the great God and
our Saviour, Jesus Christ. H. MOORE.
Birmingham, April 14, 1817.
THE
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
PART THE PIRST.
her early liee and christian experience.
I was born September the first, 0. S., 1739,
at Laytonstone, in Essex. From my earliest
years I can remember the Spirit of God striving
with me, and offering me salvation • but I slighted
these most gracious calls, and many times resisted
the most tender invitations. One day, from a lit¬
tle circumstance which occurred when I was
about four years old, I received such a conviction
that God heareth prayer, that it often adminis¬
tered much comfort to me in seasons of trial and
danger. Of this I had the greater need, being
by nature fearful even to a degree of folly. How
much this effeminacy of disposition has cost me,
in my Christian warfare, and what sufferings, as
well as spiritual loss, I have sustained from it, are
known only to my Heavenly Father.
2* (17)
18
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
When I was five years old, I began to have
much concern about my eternal welfare, and fre¬
quently inquired of those about me, whether
such and such things were sins. On Sabbath
evenings, my dear father used to instruct us in
the Church catechism. At those seasons I can
remember asking many questions. I wished to
know whether any ever did love God with all
their heart, and their neighbor as themselves;
and whether it was really the command of God
that we should do so: also, if the Bible really
meant all it said? It seemed to me that if it
did, I was wrong, and all about me in danger;
for there appeared to be a great difference be¬
tween the description of a Christian given in the
word of God, and those who walk under that
name.
As I was a backward child, and of weaker un¬
derstanding than the others, I was not well read
in the Scriptures at that very early age; but
sentences out of the word of God frequently oc¬
curred to my mind, and made a deep impression ;
. such as, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with
; all thy heart. I would answer, But I do not love
God at all; I do not know how to love him ; and
with respect to loving my neighbor thus, I am
sure I do not; for though my sister is dearer to
me than anybody else, I do not love her as well
as myself. Again, that word struck me much,
St. Paul says, I have fought the good fight; and
when I was baptized, the minister said I was to
be " Christ's faithful soldier and servant, and
fight manfully under the banner." This amazed
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
19
me greatly. I thought, I am sure I do not fight,
neither do I know what to fight against. But,
above all, that sentence would follow me, Narrow
is the way which leadeth unto life, and few there
be that find it; and, If ye are not of the world,
the. world will hate you. I did not feel it a nar¬
row way, neither did the world hate me; there¬
fore, I questioned often whether I was not quite
out of the way, yet it was not with any terror: I
believed if the Lord saw that I was wrong, he
would make me right, and sometimes I prayed
for it. At other times I was very careless; yet
these reflections still dwelt on my mind, and
often perplexed me. I frequently asked ques¬
tions about these subjects, but they were often
very lightly treated. Those parts of Scripture
were represented as very liable to be mistaken,
and that they did not require obedience in all
the strictness which I seemed to suppose. This
well agreed with my carnal mind, and I thus
soon quenched those tender convictions : so easy
is it to drown the soft voice x»f the Spirit by car¬
nal reasonings.
I now drew the following reflections : If the
Bible does not mean all it seems to speak with
regard to the commands of God, certainly the
same allowance maybe made for its threatenings;
so that I began to believe there was no hell at all,
or at least not half so terrible as I had been
taught to think. This thought raised in me a
dislike to the word of God, and great coldness
and carelessness throughout all my conduct.
20
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
But my adorable Lord did not give me up to the
hardness of my heart, but still followed me with
his drawings. Often I thought, Perhaps the Bi¬
ble does mean what it says, and then I am not a
Christian; and greatly did I wish to know what
was the truth. My sister, who was nearly five
years older than I, was also under a concern for
her soul: she wished to know and do the will of
God.
About this time there came a servant-maid to
live with my father, who had heard of and felt
some little of the power of inward religion. It
was among the people called Methodists she had
received her instructions. Seeing the uneasiness
my sister was under, she took some opportunities
of conversing with her. I was at this season
with my grandmother. On my return home, my
sister repeated the substance of these conversa¬
tions to me. I well remember the very spot we
stood on, and the words she spake, which, though
we were but a few minutes together, sunk so
deeply into my heart, that they were never after¬
wards erased. My reflections were suited to a
child not seven years old. I thought if I became
a Methodist, I should be sure of salvation; and
determined, if ever I could get to that people,
whatever it cost I would be one of them. But
after a few conversations, and hearing my sister
read some little books which this servant had
given to her, I found out it was not the being
joined to any people that would save me, but I
must be converted, and have faith in Christ;
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 21
that I was to be saved by believing; and that
believing would make me holy, and give me a
power to love and serve God.
The servant had now left our family, and we
continued like blind persons groping our way in
the dark ; yet, though we had so far discerned
the truth as to express it in the above manner, I
could not comprehend it. My heart rose against
the idea of being saved by a faith which I could
not understand. One day, looking over the pic¬
tures in the Book of Martyrs, I thought' it would
be easier to burn than believe; and heartily did
I wish that the Papists would come and burn me,
and then I thought I shquld be quite safe. Yet
these troubled thoughts were mixed with a de¬
gree of hope. I thought, God does love me, I
believe, after all-; and perhaps he will show me
what it is to believe and be converted.
When I was between seven and eight years
old, musing one day on that thought, What can
it be to know my sins forgiven, and to have faith
in Jesus? I felt my heart rise against God, for
having appointed a way of salvation so hard to
be understood; and with anguish of soul I said,
If it were to die a martyr, I could do it; or to
give away all I have; or when grown up to be¬
come a servant, that would be easy; but I shall
never know how to believe. In that moment,
these words were applied with mighty power to
my soul,—
" Who on Jesus relies, without money or price,
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys."
They were accompanied with a light and power I
22
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
had never known before; and with joy I eried
out, I do, I do rely on Jesus : yes, I do rely on
Jesus, and God counts me righteous for what he
hath done and suffered, and hath forgiven all my
sins ! I was surprised that I could not find out
this before. I had thought every thing easier
than to believe; but now I thought the way of
believing more easier than any other. A ray of
light into the gospel plan shone upon my soul,
and I began to adore the wonders of redeeming
love. But, alas ! it was but as the drops before
a shower; in a few days I lost the power in a
great measure,* though not the light of this bless¬
ing. I can remember many promises, after this,
being at times brought to my mind. Something
also of a confidence in the Lord Jesus I ever re¬
tained ) and when fears would spring up concern¬
ing the day of judgment, I used to comfort my¬
self with this thought: Jesus is to be the judge,
and I cannot be afraid of Jesus. But I had not
yet learned that lesson,-—
" Man for the simple life Divine
What will it cost to break?
Ere pleasure soft, and wily pride,
No more within him speak?"
Some time after I had thus by faith "tasted
of the powers of the world to come," I fell into
an uncommon lowness and weakness of nerves,
which was accompanied with grievous tempta¬
tions. I was oppressed beyond measure with the
* She was not favored at this time with Christian fellowship.
She had none to help her in the way of faith.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
23
fear of sin, and accused in almost every thing I.
said or did, so that I was altogether a heap of in¬
consistency. This was followed by temptations
unspeakably afflicting. It was continually sug¬
gested to my mind, I had blasphemed against the
Holy G-host. The consequent effect of these
temptations on my temper, drew on me many
grievous burdens, and exposed me to so much
anger and reproach from my parents, as made me
weary of life. It appeared to them that I was
obstinate and disobedient; and my flesh has
seemed ready to move on my bones, when I have
heard my dear mother say, " That girl is the most
perverse creature that ever lived: I cannot
think what is come to her;" and my heart used
to sink like a stone, for I knew not what to do,
and the grief of my mind quite destroyed my
health. My grandfather and grandmother, who
were to me the tenderest of parents, seeing me
in such a poor way as to my body, (though they
knew not the cause,) desired to have me with
them. I grew something better while I was
there; but on my return home, I became as bad
as ever.
This heavy season lasted, I think, nine weeks;
when one day opening my mind to my sister, (as
indeed I had often before attempted to do, but
could not explain myself,) she providentially used
these words in her answer, " Why, you do not
mean to blaspheme, do you ?" A light immedi¬
ately struck into my mind; I weighed the thought
over and over, and could truly say, Lord, thou
knowest I do not mean to blaspheme. I then
24 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
recollected that I had heard .something about
temptation, and often wondered what it was. I
thought, It may be, Satan whispers this into my
mind, like what we read about Christian, in the
Pilgrim's Progress, going through the Valley of
the Shadow of Death. I then determined never
to regard it more, but always to answer with
these words, I do not mean to blaspheme, I will
acknowledge Christ for ever; and in a few days
I was perfectly delivered. I am the more full on
this head, because it has been a warning to me
ever since, not to be too severe in passing a judg¬
ment on the actions of children, whose reflections
are far deeper, and their feelings much keener,
than we are apt to imagine.
I was now, I believe, about ten years old, and
can recollect many comfortable moments in read¬
ing the word of God. The promises in Isaiah
were, in a particular manner, applied to my soul,
and I hardly ever opened the Bible but there was
something for me; till one day I heard a person
make this remark, that many people took pro¬
mises to themselves which did not belong to them.
Of some, she observed, they belonged to the
Church; others to the Jews; such and such to
the Gentiles, etc.; and then began to blame the
presumption of those who applied them to their
own souls! Such a thought had never entered
my heart before. I knew the words were prima¬
rily spoken on particular occasions; but the Lord
had led me to believe that his word was written
to every soul, so far as they were willing to re¬
ceive it by faith. But from the above conversa-
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
25
tion, I was unhinged.* I knew not what to
choose, or what to refuse: so that being cast
into reasonings, I lost my love for reading the
Scriptures, and sunk into a very cold and lifeless
state. When I was twelve years old, we went to
Bath for three months. Here I met with many
dissipations, and had, I may truly say, no enjoy¬
ment of religion; only when in the midst of
the ball-room I used to think, if I knew
where to find the Methodists, or any who would
show me how to please God, I would tear off all
my fine things, and run through the fire to them;
and sometimes I thought, If ever I am my own
mistress, I will spend half the day in working for
the poor, and the other half in prayer.
When I was about thirteen, the things of God
began to return with more power on my mind.
One day my sister, visiting Mrs. Lefevre,j" found
her truly awakened^ and in earnest to save her
vsoul. She told me this news with great delight;
for as our parents had no suspicion of her being
a Methodist, we saw the Lord had opened us a
door into that Christian liberty we so much
longed after. At her house we got opportunities
of conversation with religious persons, which a good
deal strengthened our hands, though we often
said to each other, These Methodists do not quite
answer our expectations; though our time is
short with them, they lose much of it before they
* Here again she felt the want of Christian fellowship.—Ed.
f Well known in the Methodist Connection, by her admirable
letters, published many years ago.
3
26
LIFE OF MRS; FLETCHER.
begin to converse with us about our souls: the
apostles would not have done so. But we must
not form our judgment by the rich; let us wait
till we get acquainted with some of the poor
among them; perhaps they will be right Method¬
ists, and more like the first Christians.
Sometimes that promise was brought power¬
fully to my mind, " Whatsoever ye shall ask, be¬
lieving, ye shall receive then, thought I, I may
ask all-the grace I will; I may ask power neveT
to offend my God again. Faith sprang up in my
soul, and I was much drawn out in prayer for
holiness: till one day speaking of it to a particu¬
lar person, she raised many objections to the
thought of all sin being removed from the heart. I
felt it as if cold water were thrown on a newly
kindled fire, and the wings of my faith seemed
clipped. Fearing lest I was wrong, I prayed
the Lord to answer for himself by his word. So
taking up the Bible, with much prayer I opened
it, and immediately cast my eyes on these words :
" Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is
any thing too hard for me ?" It came with
power: my heart, as it were, leaped for joy;
and I cried out, Now I will wrestle, and I shall
prevail.
Toward the end of the following winter, there
was a confirmation at St. Paul's; and my father
desired I should be confirmed. This was a very
rousing ordinance to me; for some time be¬
fore I had felt how unworthy I was of it: how
unfit thus solemnly to devote myself to God, by
renewing that covenant I had so often broken.
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
27
I read the order of confirmation, with the minis¬
tration of baptism, over and over, and besought
my God to give me power to keep the charge of
the Lord faithfully. For some months after,
every time I approached the Lord's table, I had
a very peculiar sense of his presence, and some¬
times I. felt as if the Lord Jesus did from his own
hand give me the sacred emblems of his body and
blood.
But the next year my mind again wandered
after many things, and though I tasted, now and
then, a little of the loving-kindness of the Lord,
yet in the general I was greatly under the power
of my own will. Pride and perverseness got
many times the upper hand, and there was no¬
thing in my life or conversation which could
adorn the gospel; but I did not then see my con¬
duct in that light. While our love is small, our
perceptions in spiritual things are very dark.
Alas ! I thought I walked as a Christian ; but now
that I see so much more of the holiness of God,
I also discern more fully the depth of my fall,
and am astonished that either God or man bore
with me. While the carnal mind retained this
power, I do not wonder my dear mother should
not love me as the rest of her children; for I
was not only more dull and indolent in every
thing I had to learn, but I gave way to an inso¬
lent and disobedient spirit in such a degree to¬
ward the whole family, that the recollection has
often seemed to draw blood from my heart.
How perfectly do I feel these words my
oWn,—
28 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
"Sink down, my soul, sink lower still,
Lie level with the dust."
But the Lord did not forsake me. One night,
after spending some time in prayer, I cast my
eyes on a book Mrs. Lefevre had given me, and
read these words:
" I '11 look into my Saviour's breast:
Away, sad doubt and anxious care,
Mercy is all that's written there.
Jesus' blood, through earth and skies,
Mercy, free, boundless mercy cries."
I saw, as it were, the Father of mercy opening
his arms to receive me, and on that boundless
love I had liberty to cast my whole soul. I was
more and more thankful for my union with Mrs,
Lefevre, and experienced in her the greatest
comfort of my life.
About this season my ever-honored grandfather
and grandmother were taken from us. He was
one of the excellent of the earth: his life, in
many respects, was remarkable and singular. In
his last illness he delighted much in these words,
" My sheep hear my voice : I know them, and
they follow me," etc. He was aged seventy-nine,
and had lived with my grandmother forty-five
years, in a union not usually to be met with.
He was a pattern in many respects : plain in his
dress, mortified in his food, and strictly conscien¬
tious in all his expenses. When many dishes
were on his table, he scarcely ate of any thing
but mutton, and that for many years, because he
believed it most conducive to his health. His love
and charity to the poor were uncommon. He
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
29
esteemed it a reproach to any man to say he died
very rich; adding, It is too plain a mark he has
not made a good nse of his income.
One day upon the Exchange, a gentleman who
was by him said to another, " Sir John, I give
you joy: they tell me you have completed your
hundred thousand pounds." The other replied,
" I hope to double it before I die." My grand¬
father, turning short, said, " Then, Sir John, you
are not worthy of it." Once being at the table
of a nobleman, he observed the guests drinking to
excess, and conversing in a very unchristian man¬
ner. At first he tried to turn the conversation;
but the torrent being too strong, he rose up, and
leaning over the back of his chair, he gave them
a solemn reproof, joined to an affectionate warn¬
ing, and then left the company. I have been
with him in his chariot when he has suddenly
stopped it to reprove profane swearing on the
road.
My grandmother was a woman of an uncom¬
monly sweet temper; and having acquired a good
deal of skill in physic, she so helped the poor,
that they looked on her as a mother, a nurse, and
a counsellor. When my grandfather had been
dead three months, she dreamed, one night, he
came to her, and standing by the bedside, said
she "should come to him shortly; till then his
happiness was not so complete as it would be;"
and added, ''Study the Scriptures, study the
Scriptures: in them ye think ye have eternal life."
From this time she applied to them daily, in a
manner superior to what she had done before;
3*
30
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
though she had always a high veneration for the
word of God. About three weeks after, she said
to us one day: "Air that room: I will go into it,
that I may die in the bed Mr. Dunster died in."
From the night she went into it, she came out no
more; for she died within the week. As she did
not appear any worse than usual, she was at first
thought to be in no danger. She said to herself,
two or three times, " What a blessing I am dying
without pain! I have no more than I can very
well bear!"
From this time we began to get rather more
liberty, and one day, as my sister was on a visit
to Mrs. Lefevre's, Mr. Romaine came in, and be¬
gan to speak of the sinfulness of attending the
playhouse. She listened with great earnestness
to all he said; which repeating to me on her re¬
turn, it was as a nail in a sure place, and I began
to cry for power to stand to the light which I had
then received.
A few months after this my sister married, by
which I was left alone. I must observe, to this
time my parents had very little suspicion of our
having any intercourse with the Methodists, but
thought (when the before-mentioned servant was
put away, and our books taken from us) that our
religious impressions had worn off. I now saw
the time was come when I must confess Christ
before men, if I would wish him to confess me
before his Father and the holy angels. I con¬
sulted some of my serious friends about the play¬
house; but they said, "Were you older, we should
know what to advise; but as you are but sixteen,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
31
if your parents insist on your going, we do not see
how you can avoid it." This answer did not fully
satisfy me; and I was much distressed both ways.
I saw the duty I owed to an absolute command
from my parents in a very strong light; and, on
the other hand, I remembered that my obedience
to them was to be in the Lord. I sought direc¬
tion in prayer, and endeavored to examine the
question on both sides; but the more I searched,
the clearer it appeared to me I must not comply. I
considered the playhouse had a tendency to weaken
every Christian temper, and to strengthen all that
was contrary; to represent vice under the false
color of virtue, and to lead in every respect into
the spirit of the world, of which the apostle de¬
clares : The friendship of this world is enmity with
God. When the time came, and my obedient
compliance was required, I begged to be left at
home. On a refusal, I laid .open my whole heart
to my father; apprising him I would not willingly
be disobedient in any thing, unless where con¬
science made it appear to be my duty. We con¬
versed on the subject with great freedom; for my
dear father was a man of deep reason, calmness,
and condescension. He replied, "Child, your
arguments prove too much; and therefore are not
conclusive. If what you say be true, then all
places of diversion, all dress and company, nay,
all agreeable liveliness, and the whole spirit of the
world, is sinful." I embraced the opportunity,
and said, "Sir, I see it as such, and therefore am
determined no more to be conformed to its cus¬
toms, fashions, or maxims." This was a season
32
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
of great trial, but the Lord stood by me: glory be
to his holy name!
I daily discerned a great difference between my
manner of life, and that which the Bible described
as the life of a Christian. I had often strong de¬
sires to be wholly given to the Lord. Much op¬
position I met with for having declared my senti¬
ments; and what was very cutting to me, I was
often debarred from the pleasure of seeing my
friend, Mrs. Lefevre. This was the consequence
I much feared, if I should openly declare my
mind; but I was thoroughly convinced, if I loved
my friend more than God's law, I should never
know the power of true religion. It is my natu¬
ral temper to be very anxious about those I love,
and to fix too much of my confidence in them.
This was the case with respect to Mrs. Lefevre.
I saw and lamented it, beseeching the Lord to
take away all idolatry out of my affections, and
give me to love her as I ought.
I dreamed one night I was in a church, and
saw written on the wall, in letters of gold, these
words: Thou shalt have no other gods but me.
While I was looking on it, I saw the name of
Mrs. Lefevre wrote under it. I was surprised,
and presently beheld the following line: If this is
your god, then what am I? I awakened with a
deep conviction that I had placed too much con¬
fidence on an arm of flesh. I knew it was the
voice of God by this mark—a great sweetness ac¬
companied the reproof. This was the method the
Lord has always used toward me: he held me up
with one. hand, while he smote me with the other.
LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER.
33
In the month of June, 1756,1 spent a day with
Mrs. Lefevre. It was a profitable time: I found
my heart very open, and told her, I believed I
could give up even her to the will of God. She
replied, " Nothing you could have said would have
given me more satisfaction. For a long time I
have thought that the thread of my life was nearly
spun out. I have no clog upon my chariot wheels;
but my greatest pain was for you, who have al¬
ready so many trials surrounding you." This was
her last address; for, three days after, I received a
message that she was seized with a sudden illness,
and in great danger. My mother kindly permit¬
ted me to visit her; but I found her on the bor¬
ders of eternity, into which, after expressing with
great difficulty, "I have comforts indeed!" her
happy spirit took its flight. As my time was lim¬
ited, I had returned home when I received the
news of her death. I went into a grove that was
in our garden, to pour out my soul before the
Lord. But what may seem strange, I was not
permitted to feel at that time much pain, for the
Lord met me with these words, which sprang up
as living water in my soul:
" My star by night, my sun by day,
My spring of life, when parched with drought;
My wine to cheer, my bread to stay,
My strength, my shield, my safe abode,
My robe before the throne of God."
I felt the Lord Jesus did answer all these char¬
acters to my soul, and by faith I beheld him as
my robe before the throne of God.
When I was about seventeen years of age, my
father and two brothers (younger than I) were
34
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
going with some other company to see the Royal
George, which was sixteen miles from the shore
from whence we set out. My father desired me to
accompany them. I knew not what to do, but at
length believed I ought to obey. Indeed, I thought
I should have no further cross than going to the
ship, and returning in the afternoon. Rut we
had not been long in the vessel, before some of
the company began to ridicule my over-much re¬
ligion. When we drew near the Royal George,
the men said we must not attempt to go around
her, for she was deep and very dangerous; but
the gentlemen insisted they should row around
the ship. While this was doing, we were in great
danger, and the ladies, exceedingly alarmed, be¬
gan to cry out. Some of them said, " Miss Bo-
sanquet, why are you so calm?" I told them I
saw the danger, but our business was to "trust in
God: I was quite ready either to sink or to be
saved. My confidence in the Lord kept me se¬
cure in his providence. I had now an opportu¬
nity to speak, and they were ready to hear.
When we got into the ship it seemed like a town,
such a vast variety of places like shops were all
around. We were met by Captain Burnet, who
led us into a grand room; the place designed for
us was pointed out by a lady that attended us.
Captain Burnet proposed a dance, and after that
a cold collation. Now I felt indeed. Several of
the company fell upon me with, "Now, Miss Bo-
sanquet, what will you do now? You must dance ;
you cannot run away." Knowing my help must
come from above, I lifted up my heart to the
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
35
Lord, and cried to him for help. Presently a
messenger in haste called for Captain Burnet.
He ran down, hut soon returned with great dis¬
appointment in his countenance, saying, " 0, what
shall we do? The Prince of Wales and Admiral
Anson are coming on hoard." Never was any
thing more welcome to me than this hurry of pre¬
paring for the prince—our present king, one year
older than I. My heart praised the Lord for this
timely interposition. The cannon put aside the
dance, and we at length talked of returning.. We
were let down into our little vessel, and I was
truly thankful to be on the way home. But an¬
other trial soon occurred. Some of the company
proposed going to Yauxhall. This I refused.
"Then," said they, "you must stay in the vessel
with the men." I knew not what to do. As we
drew near the part where our coaches were wait¬
ing for us, a strange disagreement took place be¬
tween two of the gentlemen: one of them, my
brother, rose up, and bid the man draw near to
the steps; he got out, and I followed him. The
rest went on to Yauxhall. I was truly thankful
when we got into the coach. This was the last
attempt of this kind.
But this peaceful frame did not last long.
Some snares were presented before me, which dis¬
sipated my mind, and cooled the fervor of my af¬
fections. In this spirit I went to London in the
winter. I was now about eighteen. As I had
not yet had a clear conviction to throw aside
dress, while in my father's house I continued in
my appearance like the company I conversed
36
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
with, only I did not go with them to public di¬
versions ; and this winter I began to gain favor
in their eyes, and felt myself in great danger of
being carried down the stream. But the thought
alarmed my soul, and caused me to look about for
help. I cried to the Lord to bring me acquainted
with some of the excellent of the earth, that I
might learn to walk in the narrow way which
leads to life and glory, and into which I saw I was
vscarcely entered. One day I heard a conversa¬
tion concerning an extraordinary work among the
Methodists, that some of them spoke of such a
change being wrought on their will and affections,
that they found that word to be accomplished,
" Old things are passed away, and all things are
become new." The remembrance of that text,
<£ Is any thing too hard for me ?" came with fresh
power to my soul; and some encouraging pro¬
mises sprang up in my mind, and made me per¬
severe in prayer. I told my serious friends, (who
were not joined to the Methodists,) if they could
procure me an hour's conversation with one of
those pious women, I should esteem it a great
favor; for I longed to see any one who would tell
me of a deeper religion than I had known. I
saw myself surrounded with snares, and often
thought with tears on those words,—
" See where o'er desert wastes I err,
And neither food nor feeder have,
Nor fold, nor place of refuge near,
While no man cares my soul to save."
At this time I became acquainted with a gen¬
tleman in some sense religious, though I fear not
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
37
deeply so: He professed much affection for me,
and my religious friends advised me to think of
him, as it was likely to be very acceptable to my
parents, and would open a door to more religious
liberty. But I cannot say he was agreeable to
me. Neither my understanding nor affection
could approve the proposal; yet I was hurt by
■Unprofitable reasonings. Sometimes I thought it
might be of the Lord; at others, I could not see
into it at all. While thus perplexed, I received
a message from Miss Furley, (now Mrs. Downes,)
that on such a day Mrs. Crosby would be at her
house, I went to meet her in the spirit of prayer
and expectation. She simply related what God
had done for her soul. The words she spoke
were clothed with power, and my convictions of
the necessity of holiness were much increased.
The affair of the gentleman was obliterated from
my mind; and the. prospect of a life wholly de¬
voted to God drank up every other consideration.
In a few hours I returned home to our country-
house on Epping Forest; but such a sweet sense
of God, the greatness of his love, and willingness
to save to the uttermost, remained on my mind,
that if I but thought on the word holiness, or of
the adorable name of Jesus, my heart seemed to
take fire in an instant; and my desires were
more intensely fixed on God than ever I had
found them before. ^
A few days after, I wrote to Mrs. Crosby. The
following is an extract:
" Forest House, May 17, 1757.
"The Lord hath indeed been fiierciful above
4
38
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
all I can ask or think. I am more drawn to
prayer. I find a more earnest pursuit of holi¬
ness than ever; but what most stirs me up is, I
seem to hear the Lord calling tQ me in these
words, 'Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out hence,
touch not the unclean thing: be clean, ye that
bear the vessels of the Lord.'"
I now saw the path in which I ought to walk.
I determined not to think about a married life,
for my present light was to abide single. • But
the Lord seemed to call me to more activity, in¬
somuch that I cried out, u Lord,, what wilt thou
have me to do ?" I would be given up, both soul
and body, to serve the members of Christ. My
firm resolution was to be wholly given up to the
Church in any way that he pleased. I desired
not to be idle, but employed as those described
by St. Paul to Timothy : " If she have brought
up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she
have washed the saints' feet, and diligently fol¬
lowed after every good work." 1 can hardly ex¬
press with what power these words would come
to my mind. It seemed to me the Lord had
planned out all my way; and I only wished so to
walk.
The end of this summer brought me a great-
trial. My parents were going to Scarborough.
My mother offered to take me with them, if I
would^do as they did, and not bring a reproach
on them in a strange place. This seemed a reason¬
able request; but I could not comply, for the
spirit of the world was as contrary to that of
Christ in Scarborough as in London. I requested
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
39
to be left with my sister; but it was appointed
for me to spend most of my time at an uncle's in
London. They were exceedingly kind, and let
me have much liberty. I had never before had
the opportunity of a constant attendance on the
means of grace; and I greatly feared abusing
this talent. One of my acquaintance, being im¬
prudent, pressed me never to be absent from any
meeting, or preaching. By this means I am sen¬
sible I went too far. I walked about more than my
strength could bear, having been scarce ever p.er-
.mitted to go out of our own grounds but in a
carriage. But, above all, I am pained when I
think how little of Christian prudence appeared
in my conduct. The kind family in which I was
received could not but blame and condemn a con¬
duct which, though the motive was upright, was
in itself sometimes wrong.
During this season I cultivated an acquaintance
for which I trust I shall for ever praise the Lord.
I was with Mrs. Sarah Kyan, who (with a pious
woman named Mary Clark) lived in a little house
in Christopher alley, Moorfields. They both pos¬
sessed the spirit of the primitive Church in an'
eminent degree. A few of the most lively souls
in the London society were frequently gathered
there. The more I saw of that family, the more
I was convinced Christ had yet a pure Church
below; and often, while in their company, I
thought myself with the hundred and twenty that
Waited to be baptized by the Holy Spirit. It was
at Mrs. Ryan's house that Mrs. Crosby boarded;
and whenever I. was from home, this was the
40
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
place of my residence, and truly I found it to be
a little Bethel.
The more I conversed with Mrs. Ryan, the
more I discovered of the glory of G-od breaking
forth from within, and felt a strong attraction to
consider lier as the friend of my soul. I told
her the past sins, follies, and mercies of my life,
and received a similar account from her.
The time now drew, nigh for my parents' re¬
turn, and I went home to receive them. While
in London, I had used more exercise than my
constitution could bear. My mother was much
surprised when she saw me appear so ill, and laid
it all to my religion. A fever came on rapidly,
and I was ordered to** go to bed; but I could
scarcely keep on my feet while I ascended the
stairs. When I was laid in bed, how shall I de¬
scribe the posture of my mind ? Distracted by
the fever; torn by fears and temptations; apd
deprived of those friends who at this time could
have understood and . comforted me ! The loss
of Mrs. Lefevre now also returned on my mind
with great pain. My dear parents were not
aware of the nature of my illness, which was, as
the apothecary afterwards told them, a strong
nervous fever. They thought it all arose from
some trouble of mind I would not own, and told
me one day, if I did not rouse myself out of that
low state, my head should be blistered, and I
should be shut up in a dark room. My father
being present, I said, " Will you put me in a
madhouse, papa ?" He said, " No; but you must
be shut up at home, if you do not strive against
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 41
this lowness. The doctor says you have no pulse
at all: he never saw a patient so low." My mind
beeame greatly depressed: I could find no com¬
fort of any kind, either from God or outward
things.
But the Lord graciously helped me in an ex¬
traordinary way. As I lay reflecting on my situ¬
ation, and weeping before him on account of the
darkness of my mind, I discerned an unusual
brightness, (yet not dazzling,) and a voice came
so powerfully, that I can only say I heard and felt
it with every faculty of soul and body, Thou shalt
walk with me in white! An answer seemed to
come from my heart, independent of myself,*
"Lord, how can that be, seeing I am not worthy?"
It was spoken to me again, Thou shalt walk with
me in white: I will make thee worthy. This was
followed by those words: I will thoroughly purge
away thy dross, and take away all thy tin! and
"Glory is on earth begun,
Everlasting life is won."
To this day I have the most lively remembrance
of that manifestation; and in the darkest moments
I have since passed through, I could never doubt
its being the voice of the Lord. My illness was
long, and attended with many trials. Before my
recovery, Mrs. Byan was removed from London
to Bristol, to be housekeeper at the room there;
and'much did I pray the Lord that we should be
brought together again.
* Who can account for this whole manifestation on common
principles? Yet what pious mind will not conclude it was help
from the Lord in the lime of need?—Ed.
4*
42
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I Was now about nineteen years of age; and
soon after, my parents, having an intention to go
to Bath for a season, proposed that I should spend
that time at Bristol, as I was now thought to be
consumptive. I gladly embraced the offer, as a
merciful providence. I accordingly went to Bris¬
tol, where I remained seven weeks. Mrs. Downes
late Miss Furley) showed me much kindness,
ndeed, I was in some sense committed te her
care by my parents, who had for years been ac¬
quainted with her family. I spent much of my
time with Mrs. Ryan and Mrs. Clark, and I trust
in some degree partook of their spirit. After my
return home, I clearly discovered that I still con¬
formed too much in my appearance to the spirit
and fashions of the world; but I plainly saw a
renunciation of that conformity would give my
relations great offence. I loved my parents, and
feared to disoblige them. I sought for arguments
to quench that little spark of light which was
kindling in my soul, conscious they could not see
in my light, and knowing that obedience to pa¬
rents was one of the first duties. I did so far
quench it, that I put on again many of the things
I had thrown off. My acquaintance took much
notice of me, and I was so afraid of losing their
good opinion, that I had no power to reprove sin,
or even to refrain from joining in light or trifling
conversation when in company. But I soon dis¬
cerned the danger consequent on their approval,
and therefore determined to weigh well what was
most likely-to please God, and by that to abide.
I prayed for direction, and saw clearly that
LIFE OF - MRS. FLETCHER.
48
plainness of dress and behavior best became a
Christian, and that for the following reasons:
First. The apostle expressly forbids women pro¬
fessing godliness to let their adorning he in ap¬
parel; allowing them no other ornament than
that of a meek and quiet spirit,
Secondly. I saw the reasonableness of the com¬
mand, and proved it good for a proud heart to
wear the plain and modest livery of God's children.
Thirdly. It tended to open my mouth; for when
I appeared like the world, in Babylonish garments,
I had its esteem, and knew not how to part with
it. But when I showed, by lay appearance, tha'
I considered myself as a stranger and foreigner,
none can know (but by trying) what an influence
it has on our whole conduct, and what a fence it
is to keep us from sinking into the spirit of the
world. For there is no medium: they who are
conformed to the fashions, customs, and maxims
of the world, must embrace the spirit also, and
they shall find the esteem they seek; for the world
will love its own. But let them remember also
that word, The friendship of this world is enmity
with God.
Fourthly. I saw myself as a steward who must
render an account for every talent, and that it
was my privilege to have the smiles of God on
every moment of my time, or penny of money
which I laid out.
Fifthly. I saw clearly that the helping my fel¬
low-creatures in their need, was both more rational
and more pleasant than spending my substance
on superfluities; and as I am commanded to love
44
LIFE OP MRS. PLETGIIER.
my neighbor as myself, and to consider all done
to the household of faith as done to Christ, surely
I ought not only to suffer my superfluity to give
way'to their necessity, but also (as occasion may
require) my necessities to their extremities.
Sixthly. But it is not only the talent of money,
but of time, which is thrown away by conformity
to the world, entangling us in a thousand little
engagements, which a dress entirely plain cuts,
through at once.
Seventhly. The end usually proposed by young
persons in their dress is such as a devout soul
would abominate./ A heathen may say. It will
promote my being comfortably settled in life; but
I believe the Lord appoints the bounds of our
habitation, and that no good thing shall be with¬
held from those who walk uprightly. I have
therefore nothing to do but to commend myself
to God in holy obedience, and to leave every step
of my life to be guided by his will.. I will there¬
fore make it my rule to be clean and neat, but in
the plainest things, according to my station; and
whenever I thought on the subject, these words
would pass through my mind with power, For so
the holy women of old adorned themselves.
As soon as I saw my way clearly, I ventured to
open my mind to my father concerning dress, as
I had done before with regard to public places;
entreating him to bear with me while I endeavored
to show him my reasons for refusing to be con¬
formed to the customs, fashions, and maxims of
the world. He heard me with great patience;
and as I loved him tenderly, it came very near me
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
45
to oppose him. Mj trials increased daily. I'was
perplexed to know how far to conform, and how
far to resist. I feared, on the otfe hand, disobe¬
dience to my parents, and, on the other, disobe¬
dience to God.
My dear mother had sometimes expressed a be¬
lief that it would be better for the family if I were
removed from it, lest my brothers, who were
younger than I, should be infected by my senti¬
ments and example. Yet she did not see it clear
to bid me go; but rather wished me to depart' of
my own accord. The furnace now became hot;
but I did not dare to come out without the Lord.
Indeed, could there have.been any amicable agree¬
ment between us, and.that I had my parents'
leave to live elsewhere, I would gladly have ac¬
cepted it. I even made some distant proposals
of this kind, but they never saw it good to con¬
cur. Providence thus overruled my desire for
wise ends; and to run away from my father's
house, I could not think of. I was twenty-one
years of age, and had a small fortune of my own.
I saw myself on the verge of a material change,
and it was easy to discern that my father's house
would not long be a refuge for me; but in what
manner I should be removed, or what trials I
might yet have to go through, I could not tell.
The continual language of my heart was, I am
oppressed: Lord, undertake thou for me.
One day my father said to me: "There is a
particular promise which I require of you; that
is, that you will never, on any occasion, either now
or hereafter, attempt to make your brothers what
46 LIFE or MRS. FLETCHER.
you call a Christian." I answered, (looking to
the Lord,) "I think, sir, I dare not consent to
that." He replied, "Then you force ine to put
you out of my house." I answered, "Yes, sir,
according to your views of things, I acknowledge
it; and, if I may but have your approval, no situ¬
ation will be disagreeable." He replied, "There
are many things in your present situation which
must be, I should think, very uncomfortable."
This I acknowledged, and added that if he would
but say he approved of my removal, I would take
a lodging which I had heard of at Mrs. Gould's,
in Hoxton Square; but that no suffering could in¬
cline me to leave him, except by his free consent.
He replied, with some emotion,. "I do. not know
that you ever disobliged me wilfully in your life,
but only in these fancies; and my children shall
always have a home in my house." As I could
not but discern a separation would take place,
(though I knew not how nor when,) I judged it
most prudent to take the lodgings, that, in case I
should be suddenly removed, I might have a home
to go to, which I preferred to the going into, any
friend's house as a visitor. I also hired a sober
girl, to be ready whenever I might want her. I
informed my mother, a short time after, of the
steps I had taken. She gave me two beds, one
for myself, and a little one for my maid, and ap¬
peared to converse on it in a way of approval.
Something, however, seemed to hold us, on both
sides, from bringing it to the point.
For the next two months I suffered much : my
mind was exercised with many tender and pain-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
47
ful feelings. One day my mother sent me word,
" I must go home to my lodgings that night." I
went down to dinner, but they said nothing on
the subject; and I could not begin it. The next
day, as I was sitting in my room, I received again
the same message. . During dinner, however, no¬
thing was spoken on the subject. When it was
over, I knew not what to do. I was much dis¬
tressed. I thought, If they go without saying
any thing to me, I cannot go; and if they should
not invite, me to come and see them again, how
shall I bear it? My mind was pressed down
With sorrow by this suspense. Just as they were
going out, my mother said, "If you will, the
coach, when it has set us down, may carry you
home to your lodging." My father added, "And
we shall be glad to see you to dinner next Tues¬
day." This was some relief. . I remained silent.
When the coach returned, I ordered my trunk
into it; and struggling With myself, took a kind
of leave of each of the servants, as they stood in
a row in tears, in my way out of the house.
About eight o'clock I reached my lodging.
It consisted of two rooms, as yet unfurnished.
I had neither candle nor any convenience. The
people of the house I had never seen before, only
I knew them by character to be sober persons.
I borrowed a table and a candlestick, and the
window-seat served me as a chair. When bolting
the door, I began to muse on my present situation.
I am, said I, but young—only entered into my
twenty-second year. I am cast out of my father's
house. I know the heart of a stranger; but,
48
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
alas ! how much more of it may I yet have to
prove! I cried unto the Lord, and found a
sweet calm overspread my spirit. I could in a
measure act faith on these words : "When thy fa¬
ther and thy mother forsake thee, the Lord shall take
thee up." The following reflections also arose in
my mind: I am now exposed to the world, and
know not what snares may be gathering around
me. I have a weak understanding, and but little
grace. Therefore, now, before any snare has en¬
tangled me, I shall form a plan for my future
conduct, and endeavor to walk thereby. Eirst, I
will not receive visits from single men, and in
order to evade the trial more easily, I will not get
acquainted with any : I will, as much as possible,
refrain from going into any company where they
are. Secondly, I will endeavor to lay out my
time by rule, that I may know each hour what is
to be done; nevertheless, I will cheerfully sub¬
mit to have these rules broken or overturned,
whenever the providence of God thinks fit to do
so. And thirdly, I will endeavor to fix my mind
on the example of Jesus' Christ, and to lead a
mortified life; remembering, " He came not to be
ministered unto, but to minister."
The prejudices of education are strong, espe¬
cially in those persons who have been brought up
rather in high life. The being removed from a
parent's habitation seemed very awful. I looked
on myself as being liable to a deep reproach, and
trembled at the thought. But I remembered
that word, " He that loveth father or mother
more than me, is not worthy of me."
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
49'
My maid being now come, and having lighted
a fire in the other, .room, and borrowed a few
things of the family, she begged me to come into
it, as the night was very cold. And now my
captivity seemed turning every moment. That
thought, I am brought out of the world; I have
nothing to do but to be holy, both in body and
spirit, filled me with consolation. Thankfulness
overflowed my heart; and such a spirit of peace
and content poured into my soul, that all about
me seemed a little heaven.
Some bread, with rank salt butter, and water
to drink, made me so comfortable a meal, that I
could truly say, I ate my meat with gladness and
singleness of heart. As the bed was not put up,
I lay that night almost on the ground; and the
windows having no shutters, and it being a bright
moonlight night, the sweet solemnity thereof
well agreed with the tranquillity of my spirit. I
had now daily more and more cause for praise.
I Was acquainted with many of the excellent of
the earth, and my delight was in them. Yet I
was not without my Gross ; for every time I went
to see my dear parents, what I felt when, toward
night, I rose up to go away, cannot well be ima¬
gined. Not that I wished to abide there; but
there was something in bidding farewell to those
under whose roof I had always lived, that used
to affect me much, though I saw the wise and
gracious hand of God in all; and that he had by
this means set me free for his own service.
From my heart I thanked him as the gracious
author, and them as the profitable instruments,
5
50
LIFE OF MRS. FEETCHER.
of doing me so great a good. My mother was
frequently giving me little things; and every re¬
newed mark of kindness made the wound to bleed
afresh.
There was, in the years sisty-one and sixty-
two, a very great revival among the societies, both
in London and many other places; and earnest
desire was stirred up in many hearts after full
salvation. Prayer was made without ceasing by
the faithful, "That the glory of God might go
forth as brightness; and his salvation as a lamp
that burneth." These prayers were answered in
a very powerful manner. The Spirit was poured
out on some in such a degree as can hardly be con¬
ceived, but by those who felt the Divine influ¬
ence. Not only Mr. Wesley.and Mr. Maxfield
were in an uncommon manner blessed in their
preaching; but many simple persons, both men
and women, were lively harbingers of the ap¬
proaching pentecost, and cried aloud, The king¬
dom of heaven is at hand'! Thp mighty power
of God was seen on every side ! Christ was held
out as a complete Saviour; and represented to the
eye of faith as crying out on this festal day, " If
any man thirst, let him come unto me and drink :
he that believeth on me, out of his belly shall
flow rivers of living water." These rivers did,
indeed, flow from heart to heart. The gift of
victorious faith was given to many, not only for
themselves, but others. A clear light shone on
these truths : " They that are in Christ are new
creatures: old things are passed away, and all
things are become new. The blood of Jesus
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
51
Christ cleanseth from all sin." The whole soul,
with every faculty, shall be so brought into sub¬
jection to. Christ, a& to feel, I live not, but Christ
liveth in me ! ,
Some portion of this river seemed now to reach
me also. The means of grace were as marrow to
my sodl; and often these words were applied:
"If thou canst believe, all things are possi¬
ble to him that believeth. But I could not be¬
lieve so as to give up my whole heart to the
Lord. I knew him mine, but other things had
yet life in me, though n°t dominion over me. I
was now assured the blessing of sanctification
(or,, in other words, a heart entirely renewed)
could not be received but by simple, naked
faith ;* and my soul groaned out its desire in
these words:
"That mighty faith on me bestow
Which cannot ask in vain;
Which holds, and will not let theo go,
Till I my suit obtain."
One day, as a few of us were praying together
at brother G-ilford's, we were so drawn out, that
we were, I think, four hours engaged, when I
really thought we had not been above one .; and
this was frequently the case with us. Another
day, as I was at a meeting for prayer at a friend's
house, when he had continued some time, I
seemed as if I had lost all. Deep discourage¬
ment seized my spirit; but I wrestled on, and
* By simple faith, I mean, taking God at his word without reason¬
ing; and by naked faitli, I mean, stripped of every other depend¬
ence but on Christ alone.
52 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
was in an agony to love God with all my
heart. Brother Gilford was praying for me, when
in a moment I felt a calmness overspread my
spirit, and by faith I laid hold on Jesus as
my full Saviour. I said in my heart, Thy will
he done! Thy will be done! and in that I felt,
my rest. In the same moment brother Gilford
changed prayer into praise, telling the Lord he
had heard and answered: he had set me at lib¬
erty, and now he would praise him. This sur¬
prised me, as I had not given the least sign, by
either word or motion, of what I had felt within.
He concluded his prayer with that act of praise.
He asked me how I felt myself. I answered, I
could not'fully tell; but that I found that the
love of the will of God had brought an unspeak¬
able peace into my soul; but that I did not feel
joy; only a rest in that thought, The Lord
reigneth, and his will shall be done. As I was
walking home, I found the presence of the Lord
to be with me. He seemed to say, Bound thee
and beneath thee are spread the everlasting arms.
I felt they were so, and my faith seemed to
gather strength continually.
Yet for some days I was much exercised with
temptation, and continually accused that I had
thought, said, or done something amiss.* But
after a little time I found a more solid rest, and
sensibly felt my will and affections were fixed on
God, and most powerfully was I penetrated with
these words:
* A strong mark of the reaUty of the work.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
53
"Their daily delight shall bo in his name; .
They shall, as their right, his righteousness claim;
Ilis righteousness wearing, and cleansed by his blood,'
Bald shall they appear in the presence of God!"
One night I awaked with much of the pres¬
ence of God, when these words were powerfully
applied: Thou shalt call thy walls Salvation, and
thy- gates Praise. That promise also dwelt on
my mind, In returning and rest shall ye be
saved: in quietness and confidence shall be thy
strength.
I believe what I felt at tb.is season was a low
degree of pure love, or what we call a clean heart.
But though it was in a small degree, yet did it
evidence itself by a mighty change. I had many
temptations, and not much joy. Yet did I never
feel any thing contrary to love; and in the temp¬
tations with which I was attacked, I felt a great
difference. Satan never attempted to draw my
affections, neither to move me to'anger, for there
I could have answered him, Thou hast nothing
in me ;* but I was followed with such a sense of
sorrow as I cannot express. The fear of living to
fall from grace, and sin against God, tore me at in¬
tervals, for some minutes, as one on a rack. Then
a turn of the eye, by faith, on Jesus, would make
my enemies flee. Another cause of sorrow was,
something I am at a l^ss to describe, but it seemed
most exquisite feelings were opened in my soul,
such as I never knew before. If-1 saw or heard
of the consequences of sin, I was ready to die!
For instance: if in the street I saw a child ill used
* Ilis strength lay in applying the law to a conscience so tender.
—Ed.
5*
54 LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER.
'or slighted by the person who seemed to have
the care of it, or a poor person sweating under an
uncommonly heavy burden—or if I saw a horse
or a dog oppressed or wounded, it was more than
I could bear. I seemed to groan and travail in
birth, as it were, for the whole creation. Yet
notwithstanding all these painful feelings, I had
a solid peace. I always felt I committed my all
to Jesus, and I lived on his faithfulness. As I
observed before, anger seemed in my soul to know
its place no more. Neither did I find an attach¬
ment to any creature Or thing, but such as re¬
flected from the will of God. Such a sense of
purity dwelt on my soul as I can hardly describe.
I often felt the power of those words, Unto the
pure, all things are pure. I sometimes thought
I should not care if my breast was as a window,
and if every thought was without a covering to
man, as it was to God. A little degree of hea¬
venly wisdom was also let down into my heart.
Being fixed on a solid rock, I was not' so easily
shaken; and those words were powerfully applied,
"Thou shalt not be afraid for any evil tidings,
for thy heart standeth fast, believing in the Lord."
But above all, I felt such a simplicity, such a
hanging on the Lord Jesus, that self seemed an¬
nihilated, and Jesus was njy all. The nothing
into which I felt myself sunk, and the great sal¬
vation I seemed to possess in Jesus, were such as
I cannot explain. I used often to say, It appears
to me that unbelief cannot find a place in my soul
to set its foot upon. And indeed it could not;
for slavish fear seemed quite cast out. I could
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
55
say, "I live not, but Christ liveth in me, and the
life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith
in the Son of God." I Was truly nothing, and
all my salvation came through-faith in the Son of
God. He was my soul's delight; and I felt if I
could have been saved any other way, I would not
have accepted it. 0, how often was that word in
my mouth and heart!
"Having done all, by faith I stand,
And give the praise, 0 Lord, to thee;
Thy holy arm, thy own right hand,
Ilath got thyself the victory."*
All this time the Lord kept me, as to outward
things, like an infant in its mother's arms. I put
in practice my first resolution, and had no other
thought but of devoting myself to God in a single
life: only I remember I sometimes thought, were
I to be married to Mr. Fletcher,*}" would he not
be rather a help than a hindrance to my soul?
But it was only a thought, and had arisen from
what some friends said to me on the subject.
As I desired to be the Lord's, and to spend all
I had to his glory, I sometimes carried this desire
too far, and did not allow myself quite what was
needful. My exercises were greater than I had
been used to, and I was. seized with a complaint
in my bowels. I thought if I had some spice
boiled in water, and port wine with it, it would
help me, but I was unwilling to get it. However,
my Heavenly Father took care of that. He knows
* Who can deny this great salvation without denying the truth
and power of God? But 0, how few seek it!—Ed.
j- At that time Mr. Wesley's assistant in London.
56 LI^E OP MRS. PLETCHER.
what we have need of before we ask; for at that
very time a relation called, and brought me a
quantity of spice as a present; and the very next
day.,my father called in his chariot, and brought
me a hamper of port wine, neither of them know¬
ing any thing of my wants! I therefore received
it • as immediately from the Lord. And I could
give a variety of instances of the same nature.
It seemed I could hardly think of a thing, but it
was brought to me. 0 how true is that promise,
"What is given up for God shall be restored
manifold in this present life." Before the Lord
made me to wander from my t father's house, a
particular person used to upbraid me with that
reflection, "You will soon find the difference be¬
tween your father's house and such poking holes
as you will live in. There you will not have one
inch but the common street: whereas, you have
been used to large and fine gardens, in which you
much delighted. And how tired you will be of
such trash as you provide, instead of the plentiful
provision of his table. Before you have lived so
for six months, I will engage you will wish your¬
self back again, and your religion out of the
way."
But was it so ? 0 Lord, thou knowest! " Thou
didst feed me as with the finest wheat flour, and
with water out of the stony rock didst thou sat¬
isfy me." All I could want, all I could desire,
was bountifully supplied. When I have some¬
times been reflecting on my situation, inward and
outward, I have remembered that word, The meek
shall inherit the earth. Glory be to thee, 0 Lord!
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER., 57
thou hast meekened my spirit, and thou ftiakest
me to possess all things. Often I have said, in
amazement, What can I fear? I have no desire:
the will of God swallows up all! My Jesus and
my all! my Jesus and my all for ever!
life of mrs. fletcher.
PART THE SECOND.
her removal to laytonstone.
I experienced daily more and more of the
tender care of the Almighty; and often felt these
words with power:
"No fondest parent's anxious breast
Yearns like thy God's to make thee blest."
Every want was supplied before I could ask it;
nay, many times before I was conscious of the
want. My maid was but dull and ignorant, though
a good girl; &nd I knew little more of the world
than she did, having been used to so different a
way of life. My health, and many concerns,
needed a care I did not know how to take. But
if at any time such an idea would offer to my mind,
I checked it in a moment with that thought—I
have the gospel: I have freedom to serfe Gfod: I
have spiritual blessings. What more can I need?
And truly I rather saw than felt my wants. Nev¬
ertheless, now and then 1 have said, Would not a
steady, faithful friend be a great advantage to me?
ohe.who could lead me into a deeper acquaint¬
ance with God? But I sought it not: all my
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
59
cares on him were cast, and in his will I found
ruy resting-place, and in quietness and confidence
was my strength.
At this juncture I received a letter from Mrs.
Ryan, informing me she was coming up to Lon¬
don. She had left Bristol Room some time be¬
fore, her health not permitting her to continue in
that place. She informed me she was settled in
a lodging, but she saw it her duty to come up to
London a few months for my sake; "for I reap
(said she) of your substance, and so do many;
but the Lord shows me that at present you suffer
for the want of a friend, (referring to what I had
Written to her,) and I think he has ripened and
confirmed that solid spark of friendship which
was so long ago kindled in our breasts towards
each other. It seems to me as if the Lord had
laid your burden on me, as he once committed
the care of Mary to Joseph, and afterward to the
favorite disciple." She concluded:
'■'Jeans, to thy preserving care
My choicest blessings I commend;
Receive, and on thy bosom bear
The soul whom thou hast made my friend."
I spread my friend's letter before the Lord, and
praised him for laying my burden on the heart
of one whom I knew to be a favorite of Ileaven.
I answered that I should be very glad to see her.
She had not been long at her sister's before she
was seized with a violent disorder, which we
thought would end in death. I visited her often,
and with much profit. Mrs. M. being taken ill
also, and only one servant to attend them both, I
60 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
believed it my duty to be with her night and day ;
and the Lord gave me such strength and ability
for it as I had never found before. I felt his
peculiar smile on my employment; and those
words which had formerly made such an impres¬
sion on my mind were now continually before me :
" 0 that my Lord would count me meet
To wash his dear disciples' feet;
After my lowly Lord to go,
And wait upon his saints below:
Enjoy the grace to angels given,
And serve the royal heirs of heaven!"
As she slept little, we conversed much; and our
hearts were united as David's and Jonathan's.
The spirit of community which reigned in the
Church of Jerusalem I felt a taste of; and from
that time to her death, the cold words of mine
and thine were never known between us. A cir¬
cumstance which now occurred unexpectedly eon-
strained her to remove. I took her home with
me, hut not till I had inquired of the Lord, well
knowing how much the progress of the Divine
life depends on our private connections. Unless
much caution is used between persons living
together, they are often a great hindrance to
each other.
After a time the Lord was pleased to restore
her to health; and having one heart, one mind,
and one purse, we agreed that one habitation also
would be most profitable. The Lord had given
us to feel that union which even death itself
could not dissolve. I have often thought on
those words of Solomon, "A faithful friend is
the medicine of life; and he that fears the Lord
LIFE OF FLETCHER.
61
shall find him."* Some, however, objected:
"Your income is as yet but small: you wish to be
useful: why, then, did you not choose, as a
friend, one who had some fortune to unite with
your own, and that might have enlarged your
sphere." I answered, I did not choose at all. I
stood still, saw, and followed the order of God.
And if my means had b^en enlarged in money,
and lessened in grace, what should I have gained,
by that ? I acknowledge I neither gained honor,
gold, nor indulgence to the flesh, by unitinghny-
self to a sickly, persecuted saint; but I gained
such a spiritual helper as I shall eternally praise
God for. Many are the advocates of friendship.
Many will say, with Dr. Young,
" Poor is the friendless master of a world :
A world in purchase for a friend is gain."
But they refuse the sacrifice demanded by that
friendship, and forget the following lines :
«" But for whom blossoms this elysian flower 1
Can gold gain friendship? Impudence of hope!
As well mere mau an angel might beget.
Love, and love only, is the loan for love.
Delusive pride repress,—
Nor hope to find a friend, but who hath found
A friend in thee."
We continued together at Hoxton some time.
When I was about twenty-three, the people of
Laytonstone were much laid on my mind. I had
both my birth and maintenance from that place,
and I could not help thinking I owed something
to their souls. Yet I saw the way very difficult.
[* These are not the words of Solomon, but of Jesus, the son of Si-
rach : Ecclesiasticus vi. 16.—T. 0. S.]
6
62 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
My parents permitted me to be often with them,
and seemed pretty well reconciled to my manner
of life while at a distance. But how, thought I,
will it appear in their eyes to bring the preachers
they so much object to within a mile of their
house ? I thought I should not now be called to
offend them any further. Cannot the Lord, if he
sees good, send the gospel to those people some
other way? Thus I put it from my mind again
and again • yet a strange love for those souls in
that place would spring up in my heart; and
when I said, Lord, send by whom thou wilt send,
but not by me! those words again presented
themselves, "He that loveth father or mother
more than me, is not worthy of me."
About this time a house of my own at Layton-
stone became untenanted. My friend as well as
myself saw many reasons for our removing to
that place. We prayed much about it, and I
asked the Lord to show us clearly his will; and
at length felt from the Lord, first, a liberty fo be¬
lieve that if my father' did absolutely forbid my
coming, I was not required to doit. Secondly, I
knew God did not require impossibilities : I had
not yet an income sufficient for living in that
place. I asked, therefore, as a further mark, the
settling an affair which kept me out of part of
my fortune, occasioned by a flaw in the making
of my grandmother's will. I had takdn some
pains about this affair before, but to no purpose.
However, I slightly mentioned it again, and it
was settled directly. Then I made known to
my father my thought about living at Layton-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 63
stone. I used no deception; but told him plainly
the end I proposed in so doing, my mother being
present. He made not the least objection, only
added with a smile, " If a mob should pull your
house about your ears, I cannot hinder them."
We waited before the Lord, believing it was his
call, and held ourselves in readiness for immedi¬
ate obedience. One night I dreamed I was in
one of my houses there, in company with all kinds
of people, rich and poor, most of whom appeared
very ungodly. It was strongly impressed on my
mind to speak to them, but I started from the
thought, and said, with emotion, Lord, what do I
here among this people; for they are not thy peo¬
ple, and what am I to do with them ? . I then be¬
held the Lord Jesus stand as just before me.
The awful majesty of his presence had such an
effect on me as I cannot express ! It seemed to
me I sunk down before him as if I were sweetly
melting into nothing. I saw no shining bright¬
ness/* or any thing dazzling to the eye. He ap¬
peared only as a man clothed in white; yet to
my mind there was what I cannot put into words.
It was a sense of his purity! It was the glory
of holiness which so overcame me! There
seemed but about one yard distance between my
Saviour and me—when he spake with a voice,
clear and distinct, these words : " I will send thee
to a people that are not a people, and I will go
with thee. Bring them unto me, for I will lay
my hand upon them, and heal them. Fear not,
only believe \"
When the immediate presence of my Lord was
64 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
■withdrawn, I thought that I repeated with tears
to the people what he, had spoken to me. Many
mocked and derided; but a few expressed a de¬
sire of being separated from the others to hear
the word. I endeavored to find a place to meet
them in, and in order to do so, I was constrained
to walk over a piece of building, where the floor
did not seem thicker than a wafer. When I had
passed it, I looked back and said, Not a splinter
has given way under my feet. Turning my face
toward the ■ lane, I saw a funeral, and awaked
with that word powerfully applied, The mouth of
the Lord hath spoken it. I found myself in a
sweet, delightful peace. Soul and body seemed
all attracted into a Divine harmony. When suf
ficiently come to myself to speak, I told sister
Ryan (who slept with me) all that had passed.
She replied: "This night, both sleeping and
waking, I have been much occupied with these
words : I will go before you, and humble the great
ones of the earth." *
This was in the year sixty-three. On March
the 24 th, the same year, we removed to Lay ton-
stone. From the first hour we found much of
the presence of God; and stood still to see his
salvation. In order to supply the want of public
means, (which we could not have but when we
went to London,) we agreed to spend an hour
every night together in spiritual reading and prayer.
A poor woman, with whom I had formerly talked,
came to ask if she might come'in when we made
prayer? We told her, at seven every Thursday
night she should be welcome. She soon brought
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
65
two or tJiree more, and they others, till in a short
time oufr little company increased to twenty-five.
One night, just before the time of meeting, a
poor woman called with a basket of cakes to sell.
On our*refusing to buy any, she stood still a long
time at the gate. We began to converse with
her about her soul, when sbe expressed a great
desire to stay to the meeting; and in so doing
was so greatly blessed, that sbe would fain have
left us part of her goods in return. We now
thought it would be well to converse with each
in particular, and that the time was come for it.
Some few were offended, and came no more; but
most appeared under conviction, and those we
appointed to meet on Tuesday night, reserving
the Thursday for the public meeting, which still
kept increasing, and in which we read a chapter,
and sometimes spoke from it.
The first time we met on Tuesday night, two
were set at liberty. We now thought it expedi¬
ent to apply to Mr. Wesley for a preacher. He
approved our plan, and sent Mr. Murlin the next
Sunday; and within a fortnight we had twenty-
five joined in society. Much opposition now
arose from all sides, (though more from the rich
than the poor,) and one Thursday night, as I was
speaking to a pretty large company in my own
kitchen, the bell at the fore gate was rung very hard.
Our servant, who was a pious woman, went to see
who was there. In the meantime, four shabby-
looking men, with great sticks in their hands,
came in at the backdoor, and so into the kitchen.
The' servant soon returned with some emotion,
6*
G6 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
and whispered me: "It is Mr. W., who is come
to inform you, you rliust if you please brealroff,
for here is a great mob coming; and the^ ring¬
leaders are four men with clubs." Turning to
the people, I answered her aloud, " 0, we do not
mind mobs, when we are about our Master's
business. Greater is he that is for us, than all
that can be against us." I then went on till I
had concluded my subject. Having a few of the
rules of the society which I intended to disperse
that night, I addressed myself first to the four
men who stood before me, explaining what they
were, and asked if they would choose to accept
one? They received them with a respectful bow,
and went out. Who they were, and what was
their purpose, I know not to this day. We
heard no more of the mob. At this time the
hand of the Lord was much with us, supporting
and comforting us under every trial. There was
only my friend Ryan, myself, the maid, and Sally
Lawrence, a child about four years old, whom I
had just before taken from the side of her mo¬
ther's coffin into our house. On one side it was
open to the forest, and I know not that one of
the awakened people lived within a mile of us.
We were as on a desert alone; but the Lord was
with us, and preserved us beneath his love's al-
mighty shade. The enemy came, however, to the
length of his chain. Sometimes on Sundays,
when the nights were dark, after the society
meeting, a mob used to collect at the gate, and
throw dirt at the people as they went out; and
when they were gone, they used to come intdHhe
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 67
yard, break some trifles they found there, and,
putting#up their faces to a window which had no
shutters, roar and howl like wild beasts.
And no*w another dispensation was opening be¬
fore us. From the time I was seventeen, some
drawing toward the care of children had dwelt
on my mind. I felt the same desire now as at
that time to become in every sense a servant to
the Church. Those words were still with me :
"If she have lodged strangers; if she have
brought up children ; if she have relieved the af¬
flicted ; and diligently followed after every good
work." Yet I was truly sensible no work was
good but as being done in the will and order of
God. We therefore entreated the Lord to dis¬
cover to us all his sacred will from day to day,
and not suffer us in any degree to err there¬
from.
Various leadings of Providence, both inward
and outward, drew us to think of the rising gene¬
ration with more than common tenderness. Our
abilities were small; yet perhaps a few children
we could educate, without interrupting the order
of God in our call toward the grown people. We
determined, however, to take none but destitute
orphans; that no one might interrupt our plan of
education. We were not unconscious that to
change the heart belongs to God, but at the same
time we remembered there was a blessing pro¬
mised to " the training up a child in the way
it should go," and that a degree of knowledge,
with a capacity of getting their bread in an hon¬
est way, has, under God, rescued many from de-
68 LITE OF MRS, FLETCHER.
struction. Some such objects now presented
themselves, and we received them, one after an¬
other, in the name.of the Lord. We, however,
refused many, taking only those concerning
whom there appeared a particular call of Provi¬
dence.
For a good while our family consisted -of one
servant, six orphans, and ourselves; but we found
it took up too much of our time to have the whole
care of them alone, especially as my friend Ryan
was often confined by illness. We therefore took a
pious young woman named Ann Tripp, who desired
to devote herself to God in a closer walk than the
generality of believers. She was placed as gov¬
erness over the children, whose number continued
to increase. Some serious women were also added
to our household, and each had their duties and
■employments assigned them. In the whole we
received thirty-five children, and thirty-four grown
persons, but not all at one time.
We now found work enough on our hands, and
wished to free ourselves from all needless cares.
As well, therefore, to -answer that end, as to avoid
conformity to the world, we thought it best to
have but one dress. We fixed on a dark purple
cotton, of which we had many pieces stamped;
and ourselves with the whole family wore nothing
else. We had a large hall, and in it a table five
yards long, at which we ate together. There also
we assembled for morning and evening devotion,
and on several other occasions. But, in general,
the children were in the nursery, and the other
sisters in their own apartments.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
69
When my family began thus to increase, I must
acknowledge it was by no means proportionate to
my income, but it appeared to me I had a pecu¬
liar call from the Lord to take the steps I did;
and we began with a degree of the same spirit
which is expressed in a book entitled, "The Foot¬
steps of Divine Providence;" giving an account
of the orphan house at Halle, in Germany, raised
by Professor Francke.
This plan I would advise none to follow, unless
they felt what I did, for certainly justice goes be¬
fore charity; and there is very seldom a real call
from God to give more than we have. But it
must be observed, though my income was inade¬
quate to the undertaking, I had a considerable
capital, so that I was not at present in danger of
debt. The risk I ran was, of spending my capi¬
tal, and being left without a maintenance. But
the Lord seemed to assure me I should not thus
be deserted, and that by many and various ways.
We now set ourselves to inquire of the Lord
how we should train up these children to his
glory; and a few out of many reflections which
occurred to my mind I will endeavor to set down.
But I must observe, first, as most of our children
were naked, full of vermin, and some afflicted
with distempers, the first thing was to clean and
clothe them, and attend to their health, which
usually was followed with much success. At the
same time we endeavored to bring them to an
outward conformity of manners to the rules of the
house, and to some courtesy of behavior. This
was not difficult, as a child naturally falls in with
70 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
what it.sees in others. The second attempt was,
to fix on their minds that we had no motives in
receiving them into our house but that of love
love to their souls and bodies. We wished to
save their bodies from misery, and their souls
from eternal destruction.
With respect to the strangers, we endeavored to
lead them to a view of the love of God, observing
it was his love which caused ours—he put it into
our heart, he brought them in our way, and from
his hand came their every blessing—that the
end of the Lord in bringing them into our house
was to learn that great truth, that they should
never die—their bodies must die and rest in. the
grave; but they themselves would be for ever
alive, and hear, see, think, and know; feel plea¬
sure, or pain, and that for ever. We inculcated
that the end of their learning this lesson was to
make them happy, and prevent their being mise¬
rable, since in a very short space of time they must
enter into the one or the other state, and that to
all eternity.
We continually impressed on the minds of the
children, that the only way to be happy was to be
like God: to love what he loved, and to hate what
he hated: but that was not their present state:
they were now like the devil, and loved what he
loved. If they were injured, they loved to re-
venge, and could hardly forget the offence any
one offered them. When angry, they would cry
and sob, and be almost choked; but when did
they find themselves so affected in thinking about
the Lord Jesus? Did his love and sufferings
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 71
come again and again to their mind, so that they
could not forget them? And when did they cry
and sob because they had sinned against so good
a God? It-was plain, therefore, they were as yet
the devil's children, and thiir minds and affec¬
tions obeyed him only. We therefore declared,
that whenever we saw these marks of the devil's
power on their hearts, we would tell- them of it;
but if they would still obey him rather than God,
we would then add unto our words correction;
making them feel pain, that the impression might
be strong and more lasting; and that they must
never resent nor resist those corrections, for it was
more painful for us to give than it could be for
them to receive them. But seeing it was for
their profit, and our duty to do it, they must take
each correction not only with patience, but thank¬
fulness; for we should make it a point of con¬
science, never to correct, or even to contradict
them, but with consideration and prayer, having
always that lesson before our eyes,
"That mercy I to others show,
That mercy show to me."
Nor were these observations altogether without
fruit; for I do not remember one child I ever had,
that if we ordered her to receive correction by the
rod, (which was not often,) would not lie down in
silence as a lamb, and afterward, yea, immediately
after, come and kiss us. We observed, that all
our instructions would avail them nothing, unless
their hearts were changed; and that none but
Jesus Christ could do that; but he was ready and
72 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
willing, and assuredly would do it, if they cried
to him for it.
From the above hints, various occasions pre¬
sented to point out the nature of salvation through
Christ alone, and the necessity of a renewed na¬
ture, in order to be capable of the enjoyment of
heaven.
One day a little beggar girl, whom we had taken
in about a week before, showed some of the vi¬
cious dispositions which had been nursed up in
her by evil company. On repetition, she received
correction. "When the children were alone, (as
they thought,) she began to complain of her hard
fate, saying, "If they love us, why do'they whip
us ?" A little one about six years old replied,
"Why, it is because they love us, and it is to
make us remember what a sad thing sin is; and
God would be angry with them if they did not, do
so. Do you not remember the chapter my mis¬
tress read about Eli?" Indeed, I had various
proofs that it is not so hard a thing to convince
the judgments of children as some may think;
and a right judgment is a good step toward right
affections.
As we intended them to work for their bread,
either as servants or in little trades, we endea¬
vored as early as possible to inure them to la¬
bor, early rising, and cleanliness. The eldest of
the children arose between four and five, the
younger not much later. At half an hour after
six we had family prayer. At seven, we break¬
fasted together on herb tea, or milk porridge.
The small children then went into the garden till
MFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 78
eight. At eight the bell rang for school, which
continued till twelve. Then, after a few minutes
spent in prayer, they came down to us; at which
time We either walked out with them, or, if the
weather did not permit, we found them some em¬
ployment in the house, endeavoring at the same
time to give them both instruction and recreation.
We invented various employments for those hours,
in order to remove the appearance of idleness, as
from the first we endeavored to impress that les¬
son on their minds: "An idle person is the devil's
cushion, on which he rolls at pleasure"—like¬
wise, that in the choice of their employments,
they should always prefer those that were most
useful, and he always able to render a reason for
every thing they did. At one we dined; about
two the bell rang again for school, and at five
they returned to us, and were employed as before
till supper-time. Then, after family prayer, they
were washed, and put to bed by eight. Four or
five of the bigger girls were each week kept out of
the school by turns, and employed in housework,
cooking, etc., that they might be accustomed to
every sort of business; and there was work enough
in so large a family. Several of the children were
very young, though I do not remember we had
any under two years, except one of about a month
old, which was laid, very neatly dre'ssed, one night
late at our door; but it lived only a fortnight, be¬
ing full of humorsj too probably derived from its
parents.
We now found a great need of wisdom and pa¬
tience. We had, I think, never more than ten
7
74 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
grown persons in the family at one time who
were not invalids; nor do I ever remember above
five or-six altogether in health. The children,
also, for the first few years, labored under various
disorders; for we did not refuse either old or
young on account of being sick and helpless: in
the end all recovered who came in infirm. We
sometimes had much to do; for the care of the
sick, the management of eighteen or twenty child¬
ren, with various meetings, and the needful atten¬
tion to the work of God in a new-raised society;
with the reception of the number of strangers
who visited us on spiritual accounts, occasioned
those of us who had the work of God at heart a
good deal of labor and suffering.
Various reproaches now began to roll upon us.
It was reported that we intended to bring
up these children for nuns; that we were too
rigid and exact to our own rules. Some
objected, it is all carnal wisdom: you can¬
not change their hearts, and education will only
make them more guilty before God — others,
that we were idle, and buried ourselves alive, be¬
cause we did not live at London. But the re¬
proach that came the nearest to me was this:
She talks of the poverty of the holy Jesus: (al¬
luding to a little book I had printed:) let us see
her work at a trade as he did, and that would
make her fortune go farther. Would any one
with such a capital live only on the interest, when
by trade they might double it every year ? Sev¬
eral came and talked with me on the subject;
saying, If you do not go into some business, you
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
75
will be brought to the parish in jour old age. I
replied, I understand no business) and I fear to
lose what I have, instead of increasing it. They
replied again, Then ask light of them who do
understand it. Take some partner: let such
have the care, and you find the money. I was
wearied with letters and disputes on this head.
However, I laid it before the Lord; and felt I
was willing, if it would glorify him, to sweep the
kennels. It may seem strange why any thus in¬
terfered in our affairs) but our undertaking was
new, and quite out of the common way. This
drew all sorts of company, of various sects and
denominations. Some loved me, and wished to
bring me over to what they thought the better
way. Others were moved by curiosity; some by
the love of dispute •, others by interest, offering
their assistance; and some, perhaps, by that spirit
which the seed of the serpent will always manifest.
But another, and perhaps the chief reason, was, I
believe, the or.der of a wise and gracious Provi¬
dence. I was called to walk wholly by faith} in¬
deed, it appeared a strange call, and, humanly
speaking, could end no way but in a prison. I was
therefore permitted to have every kind of discour¬
agement, and to be brought into many and deep
perplexities, that the faithfulness of God might
shine more conspicuous, as will be seen in the
sequel.
But to return to the children. When actual
sin was committed at any time, (minor faults
were generally overlooked,) it was set down on
paper by sister Tripp, and presented in a meeting
76 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
held every Friday at twelve o'clock. The whole
family were called together at that time, and
after praying for the light and presence of the
Lord, we entered into a consultation how to pre¬
vent a relapse into the same crime; and that the
displeasure of the Almighty might he removed,
we always endeavored to make our reasons ap¬
pear clear before we either acquitted or con¬
demned. Very frequently there appeared a
spirit of repentance, so that the exhortation
was followed by forgiveness. We then spent
some time together in a family meeting, of
which I will speak more particularly in another
place.
One day a sweet little child, about seven years
old, (who I hope at this time both fears and loves
God,) had stolen something. We consulted what
must be done to prevent a repetition of her sin.
At these times we always adapted our conversa¬
tion to the capacity of the little criminal. One
said, I have read in the Bible, that the offending
member ought to be cut off, and cast away. This
gave rise to several useful reflections; after which
we agreed there were but three ways—either to
cut off the offender from the family, or to pray to
God to bring her to repentance, or leave her in
her sins. After some conversation with her, the
second was agreed on: and we joined in prayer
that the Lord would graciously interpose and.
save ^ her. The meeting being that day in the
evening instead of the usual time, as soon as it
was over they were sent up to be washed in order
to go to bed. (This was on June the 7th, 1764.)
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 77
Betty Lawrence,- about eleven years old, bad
been much affected while we were talking to H.
0., the child above mentioned. She had shown
some concern a few days before, when I was speak¬
ing of the spirituality of the commandments.
The children being alone, and not knowing
they were overheard, Betty.said, "Let us pray
for Hannah's soul!" She then prayed in a
very affecting manner. Afterward, one about
eight years old pleaded much for the forgiveness
of Hannah's sin; but added, Lord, do not let us
think so much aboufcher sin as to forget our own.
Lord, do not let us laugh and-trifle, an'd talk of
foolish things, as soon as we rise off our knees;
but make us Christians. Another then thanked
God for their good corrections and teachings, and
said, If we are not Christians, we shall be more
punished than others. After some time, sister
Tripp went in to see them to bed; but first went
to prayer with them for a few minutes. The
spirit of conviction now fell on Betty Lawrence
in an extraordinary, manner. We came up, and
found her in a great agony; she was the very pic¬
ture of terror. The veins of her neck were as if
they would burst. She wrung her hands, and
cried with a bitter cry, 0 my sins ! 0 my sins!
I believe more than a hundred times. She then
broke out into such* a confession of her original
corruption and actual sins as quite amazed us;
adding, 0 ! I have never done any thing to please
thee in all my life. I have broken all thy laws;
I have not kept thy commandments; Lord, I
have kept the devil's commandments! May
7*
78 LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER.
such a wretch conje to thee, Lord ? Wilt thou
receive me, Lord ? Wilt thou pardon me ? Wilt
thou make me a Christian ? Tell me, Lord, shall
I go to. heaven or hell ? Wilt thou make me a
Christian ? Wilt thou pardon all my sins ? She
then paused awhile, her eyes fixed upward, and
her face as in a flame; then added, but with a
softer voice, Yes, he will, he will! But wilt
thou, Lord? Yes, thou wilt, thou wilt! Mr.
Dornford being that night with us, gave out a
hymn. She now seemed quite calm. The hor¬
ror which before appeared gn her countenance
was gone, and had left a sweet smile. After re¬
maining some time in this posture, she said,
Jesus is smiling upon me! She afterward told
us, she had a view as of Christ upon the eross, smil¬
ing upon her, and saying, " I have pardoned all
your sins, and if you pray, I will give you abund¬
ant love." She then broke out, 0! what a
sweet Saviour he is ! He hath forgiven me' all
my sins ! All, all, Lord ! Thou hast, thou wilt
forgive them. But, 0 Lord, let them be per¬
fectly forgiven. But shall I ever sin again ?
Shall I ever sin again ? 0 ! do not let me sin
again ! 0, what a sweet Saviour thou art I What
sweet love is thine! 0! more such love as
thine ! more such love as thine ! But do not let
me sin again ! Fill me with love, that I may not
sin again ! We were the more surprised at this,
because she was a child of a remarkably dull ap¬
prehension, and had no liberty in expressing her¬
self on any subject. But striking as the scene
was, (far more so than I can describe,) it was
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
79
nothing to the change that followed. She was
naturally of a very bad. temper, but now it might
indeed be said,
" Love made her willing feet
In swift obedience move."
So great was the change, in both understanding
and will, as plainly declared the hand that had
wrought it.
The Lord was pleased at this season to give his
word success, both among the people who at¬
tended the preaching, and in the family. But
our house was too strait, and needed some en¬
largement, and a good deal- of repairs. It there¬
fore occurred to my mind, as we had so many
visitants, to take another step, and put up a poor's
box, like Professor Francke, in Germany. But
I found some difficulty. I thought, my relations
will object to it; and, in short, I found it more
easy to give than to receive. But I saw the
order of God in the plan, and that was enough.
Accordingly we put it up in the hall, with this
inscription, " For the maintenance of a few poor
orphans, that they may be brought up in the fear
of the Lord." Difficulties now began to gather
as clouds about us. Workmen must be paid; a
family far too large for my income to support;
with a variety of expenses in carrying on the
work, assisting their poverty, etc.. One day it
was suggested, Surely I am wrong: God will not
appear for me in this undertaking. I told my
mind to some friends, who said, "This is the very
thing we always saw: you will lind in the end it is
80 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
all a delusion. In two or three years you will turn
out all these people and children to the wide
world; and in your old age you will be without
the necessaries of life." I heard them with at¬
tention, and only replied, " If it be a delusion, I
meant well, believing it to be the will of God."
I carried it to the Lord in prayer, when the
following thoughts were impressed on my mind:
If Christ was now upon earth, and in want of food
and raiment, should I be afraid to give him mine,
for fear of wanting it myself? Should I not ra¬
ther say, Let all I have be brought out as a sac¬
rifice to my Lord: he is well able to repay me;
and if he do not see it best to do so, then let us
suffer together. I saw the case with the poor was
the same, (as far as he had called me to help them,)
and that my Lord had said, Inasmuch as ye have
done it unto them, ye have done it unto me!
Here a light broke into my mind, which quite
satisfied me, and dispelled' every cloud. I cried
out, /'Lord, thy will is enough! Thou hast bid
me love my neighbor as myself. Be it so. Their
wants be mine; my substance theirs." Rising,
from my knees, I took up the Bible, when open¬
ing on Job, chap, xxii., verse >23, I found from
that verse to the end of the chapter, several parts
come as a message from Heaven. "If thou re¬
turn to the Almighty, thou shalt be built up, thou
shalt put away iniquity far from thy tabernacles.
Then shalt thou lay up gold as the dust, and the
gold of Ophir as the stones of the brook. Yea,
the Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt
have plenty of silver. Thou shalt decree a thing,
life of mrs. fletcher.
81
and it shall be established unto thee; and the light
shall shine on thy path/' These words were'
Written as with a diamond pen upon my heart; and
in all my trials I could never give up the confi¬
dence I then received, that I should one day see
them accomplished.
Sister Ryan one day said to me, "We shall
have such a sum to pay on Saturday night. Had
we not better borrow it of such a friend, till your
half year comes in?" We attempted so to do,
but were disappointed. Being on my knees at
prayer, I opened a book before me on the table,
and cast my eyes on these words: "Christ charges
himself with all your temporal affairs, while you
charge yourself with those which relate to his
glory." I closed my eyes, and continued praying;
when to the eye of my mind it seemed as if the
Lord Jesus stood just by me, and spoke again
those words to my heart with such a power as
wiped away every care. Before I got off my
knees, I was called down to speak to a man, who
asked for me; and who, through a providence too
long to repeat, brought me just the sum I wanted.
The box began now to be helpful to us; and
this year, in the midst of our great expenses, an
uncle gave me two hundred and fifty guineas.
Once, on opening the box, we found a guinea
wrapt up in a letter: its contents were as follows:
"My dear Child:—With much pleasure I
have heard of your charitable undertaking, which
I pray God to bless and to succeed. Be never
discouraged, though Divine providence should
exercise you at times, even with many great and
82
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
alarming difficulties; for this is frequently the way
in which God leads his children, in order to prove
their faith and patience. But even supposing he
should not succeed this affair, according to your
present plan, yet he will never fail to bless those
who sincerely endeavor to promote his honor, the
kingdom of the Lord Jesus, and the good of souls.
I desire you will accept the enclosed, and that you
would set me down an annual contributor of the
same sum. May the Lord Jesus Christ be with
all of us! Forget us not in your prayers.
"I am, with respect and regard,
"Your very affectionate friend,
" V. P."
In another paper was a guinea enclosed, with
these words: "I have felt your burden, and should
be thankful had you more help. But perhaps it
is the will of God concerning you, to give you day
by day your daily bread. I pray him to be with
you."
Indeed, we daily experienced many mercies.
We had a household as a flock of sheep. Some¬
times when we were sitting down to table, that
word would come sweetly to our minds:
"Part of his family are we,
His family of love."
But above all other temporal goods, I saw the
blessing of my friend Ryan. It would have been
impossible for me to have acted this part alone:
I had neither grace nor ability for it; but the Lord
gave her to me as a mother. In all the active
part of this undertaking, she was the main-spring.
It'is true, the light in forming the plans was given
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
83
to me; but had it not been for her resolution and
diligence, they would never have been brought
into execution.' Notwithstanding her ill health,
it is amazing what she went through, both in. over¬
looking and working with her own hands. She
was truly devoted to God; and though I saw her
at that time as a most precious gift of Heaven to
me, I was not sufficiently sensible of her inesti¬
mable worth.
About this time a young lady, with whom I
had been acquainted, came to board with us.
After residing about half a year, she had a great
desire to make a new will, in order to leave me a
large sum of money; and asked me to recommend
a lawyer to do it, as we then intended to visit
Bath. I told her I could not see it right that
she should do so, as she was at a distance from
her relations, 'had not sufficiently proved us, and
might afterward change her mind. But my
strongest objection was, she had told me that in
her present will she had left the bulk of her es¬
tate (which was large) to charitable uses; and I
had no desire to monopolize the riches of anothei',
since my gracious Lord had given me a ready
mind to part with all that was my own. She had
two children under her care, whom she desired
should be brought into our house; we accordingly
received them. Several other expenses we en¬
tered into on her account; and she wrote a codicil
to her will, leaving me two thousand pounds, add¬
ing, if she lived to return to her father the fol¬
lowing spring, she should do much more. I freely
consented to the codicil, as I then thought it but
84
LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER
reasonable, my expenses on ber account being
considerable. But in October, 1766, she grew
suddenly very ill, and her death seemed near.
The codicil then lay much on our minds. I
thought God's cause may be reproached through
this; and what is two thousand pounds, or two
hundred thousand, when compared to the honor
of my God? Had it been done unknown to me,
I should not have scrupled it. But as I had con¬
sented, I thought it would not be right to let it
stand. Sister Ryan thought the same. We
therefore prevailed on her to let us burn it. She
was very unwilling, saying, " Had I lived to have
made my will, I should have given you much
more, for I know God is with you."
She had been some years awakened, and joined
to the Methodist society. After she had found
the love of God, she walked in the way of self-
denial and devotedness to God, according to her
clearest light, for some time, and was in many
things a striking pattern. She then sank into a
state of conflict, God revealing the inbred sin of
her heart; and her spirit being oppressed by a
constant bodily disorder, (supposed to be a poly¬
pus in the heart,) she often lost her shield, and
was ready to think she never had any work of
God on her soul. About four months before her
death, Satan assaulted her with many tempta¬
tions. Sister Ryan advised her to take one hour
every day for prayer, whether she should feel
power attend her words or not; adding, My soul
for yours, if you persevere, you shall shortly see
the salvation of God. She received the word as
LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER. 85
from the Lord, and began the work in good ear¬
nest, but to her on feeling she grew darker and
darker. Nevertheless we could discern a change.
She grew more open, and told us of some snares
which beset her, and which she had even thought
of giving way to; adding, she saw herself worse
and worse, till she was taken with her last illness,
which continued but three days. Her soul seemed
then very dark, and greatly did she lament the
loss of that assurance she had formerly enjoyed.
Yet she was not without hope; but still cried out,
" 0 that I had but lived closer to God! I see I
have not used my privileges as I ought. 0, what
a work have I now to do! 0, it is hard work to
do in sickness—it is bad work to do in sickness!"
Sister Ryan said, "My dear, I have no doubt but
that God will finish his work." "0," replied
she, " but I cannot believe it, I do not believe it
for myself. 0 sister Ryan, I have had a thought
in my heart,Jf I had taken a certain • step, to
have laid the blame on you; for I thought, as
you are so much under reproach among the half¬
hearted, I should be more readily believed, and
now that stares me in the face." Some time af¬
ter she said, " 0 my soul! my soul! I do not know
where my soul is going!'" Sister Ryan said, "My
dear, I believe the Lord will come to your help
this night: I feel such an impression of it, I think
I must sit up and wrestle for you all night." She
looked at her, and was silent. A few minutes
after she cried out, "0, what a sweet word is
come to me! I have not had such a word a long
time. When you said you would stay and wrestle
8
86
LUTE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
for me all' night, I found a little comfort, but now it
comes, The effectual fervent p^iyer of a righteous
man availeth much." We were greatly affected,
and sat by her in solemn, silent prayer. She ap¬
peared to continue in a waiting posture for about
half an hour, when she broke out in the following
mhpner, (but with such a sweet and awful reve¬
rence as I cannot express,) £'0, now 1 know I
shall be with Christ for ever! Yes, I shall, I
shall come to thee, Lord. I shall be with thee
for ever! 0, for ever! for ever! for ever! Yes,
I shall be with thee for ever!" ' After recovering
her breath a little, she addressed herself to the
young women who were in the room, exhorting
them to know and use their privileges.- "You
are," said she, "in a good situation; you will never
be in a better. 0, my dears, be open, be open!
Cover no temptation, and be all in earnest. I was
a fool, and a double fool, that I did not live closer
to God, and use more self-denial. I see great de¬
grees of glory I have lost." After a little rest,
she said, " 0, how good is God ! If I had Strength
I would write it all. How vile I have been, and
what a salvation I now feel!" Then turning to
me, she added, "But sister Bosanquet, do it; and
I charge you cover nothing; in particular my un¬
kind thoughts of sister Byan. I charge you, I
charge you!—-Well," she added, "I shall see you
all in heaven. I trust I shall see, I know I shall
see you there. 0, take courage, my dear, take
courage; do not be cast down at the difficulties of
your situation. Fear nobody: God will stand by
you. 0, he will take care of this family." AboUt
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
87
ten o'clock at night she said, "I shall he happy!
I know I shall be as happy as I am capable of
being! But I see great degrees of glory I have
stopped short of. 'O that I had laid up more
treasure in heaven!" She then cried out, "0,
my money, my cursed money! What an account,
shall I have to give of that! But Jesus has washed
away all." This seemed the more strange, as she
had from, the first been a most liberal giver. But
she explained herself to mean, with respect to the
choice of objects which she had laid it out upon.
She lamented much she had not altered her will,
saying, "I wish you had ten or twelve thousand
pounds. I know it would glorify God, and if I
were able, I would do it now. But God will take
care of you." We left her a few hours in the
night, when she said to the sisters who sat up
with her, "Give me pen and paper: I cannot die
easy; unless I write something of my mind, con¬
cerning sister Bosanquet having the two thousand
pounds." She did so, which was a striking instance
of her love. This paper I saw it right not to
destroy, and informed her relations of it; but it
was not regarded, and we were well contented.
About twelve the next day she seemed to change
for death, and appeared just gone. I said, "Is
Jesus precious?" She didr not answ'er. One
present observed, "Perhaps she is not sensible."
After a few minutes she came to herself, and
smiling, said, "Yes, I was sensible; but just as
you spoke, I had a great struggle with Satan: at
last these words were spoken, as if through my
heart:
88 LIFE OF MRS. FL^TCHlER.
'Nature's last agony is o'er,
And cruel sin subsists no more.'
But yet I do not know that the work is done.
But I know it will be done. I am sure God will
finish his work. Yes, I think I can believe. Yes,
I will hold the Lord to his promise." She con¬
tinued much the same for six hours, now and then
saying, "I know he will finish his work. But I
do not know it is done-. Yet is there any sin ? I
do not know there is. Sometimes I feel," said
she, with a smile, "as if I did not like to leave
you all: is that sin? I do not know that it is."
She added, "When I am dying, if I cannot speak,
ask me any question, and if I mean yes, I will
hold up my hand, for I would wish to praise God
to the last." In the evening she seemed just de^
parting. One present said, "Is your soul in
peace?" She did not make the sign. I said,
"Are you sensible, love ?" She held up her hand.
Some time after, we said, " Is all clear now ?" She
lifted up both her hands above her head. Sister
Crosby said, "The blood of Jesus hath cleansed
you from all sin." She lifted them up again, and
smiled with such an expression of joy as I cannot
describe. She appeared as in a rapture, and
strove much to speak, but we could only under¬
stand that word, " He is my only portion." Then
throwing herself back, she lifted up her eyes, and
spreading her hands with great delight, made
many signs upward. I said, " Is glory open before
you?" She lifted up her hands, pointing with
one finger, and strove to speak, but we could only
make out the word "glory;" but the. joy of her
LlfE OF MRS. FLETCHER/
89
countenance was beyond all words, and in this
pOsture she in one moment breathed her last.
Such a sense of God and glory rested on us, as
I cannot describe. For several days it seemed*to
me as if I was continually sensible of the presence
of the heavenly spirits; and so slender did the veil
appear which divides. the Church militant from
that which is triumphant, that I saw myself sur¬
rounded with the innumerable company, and as if
I heard them hail the happy saint on her arrival;
in these words, which followed me continually: „
"Ah! What were all thy sufferings here,
Since Jesus counts thee meet
With that enraptured host f appear,
And worship.at his feet?'**.
* This glorious scene will he accompanied with some pain to pioug
readers, and in some it will excite much curiosity. It will he asked,
What were those 'f snares" that induced so strong a temptation, in
such a devoted mind, thus to deviate from truth and love, according
to the above agonizing confession I cannot gratify such inquirers.
Mrs. Fletcher thought it her duty to record the fact, and I have
thought it my duty to let it appear; but I know no more. One
thing is plain: Miss Lewen did not fall into the temptation; bdt it
is also plain, she did not resist it, steadfast in the faith. Hence her
deep sense of her evil nature, in having listened to it for a moment,.
When heavenly purity, shone upon her soul, and she found that
purity was just about to be bestowed upon her for ever, how dread¬
ful appeared the mental deviation! If we may hazard a conjecture,
was it not some attachment of a worldly nature, on account of
which she was tempted, and felt an answerable inclination to de¬
part from a community so strictly evangelical? That thought was,
perhaps, presented to her,-viz.: that that very strictness would ex¬
cuse her to "the half-hearted;" and that to Mrs. Ryan would he
chiefly imputed the rigidity which had forced herfrbm this retreat.
This was probably the root of that agonizing conviction; especially
when she saw that the person whom she had thought of, as thus to
have borne her sin, was ready to risk her own tender life to help
her through her last conflict! Miss Lewen, however, overcame at
last; and verified Mr. Wesley's account of her.—(See his Journal:
Works, vol. iv.:) "Friday the 31st October, at my return to London,
I found it needful to hasten to Laytonstone. But I came too late.
Miss Lewen died the day before, after an illness of five days. Some
hours before, she witnessed that good confession—
90
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
Some time after this, one of our young women
had a desire to take a journey, which we thought
would be dangerous to her, and warned her much
to heware of the love of the world. Several nights
she had had remarkable dreams, warning her to
beware that no man took her crown. We told
her all our fears; and in particular to watch against
the love of money. She said, "My light.is so
clear, that if I now do any thing unbecoming my
profession, I shall be guilty, and doubly guilty."
Sister Ryan said, "I feel I cannot give you up,
but I am led to entreat the Lord, if you should be
about to depart from hini, that he would cut short
the thread of your life, and take you to himself,
and I believe he has heard me." She had not
been from us many days, before the golden baits
of pleasure and profit began to gain lustre in her
eyes, and the little spark of light and life to de¬
cline out of her soul. The Lord stepped in, laid
her on the bed of death, and gave her to acknow-
' Nature's last agony is o'er,
And cruel sin subsists no more,'
"So died Margaret Lewen, a pattern to all young women of for¬
tune in England; a real Bible Christian. So she rested from her
labors, and her works do follow her."
Mrs. Ryan was, as Mrs. Fletcher lias said, "a sickly, persecuted
saint." She was poor, (though not destitute,) and hence was more
liable to be the butt of the half-hearted. Miss Bosanquet, her twin
soul, was a lady of birth and fortune, and, on that account, rather
too large for their grasp. Mrs. Ryan proved the whole of the eight
beatitudes, as appears from Mr. Wesley's account of her in the Ar-
miniau Magazine, and from his admirable letters to her. (See his
Works, vol. vi.} In one of them, he says, "It is expedient for you
to go through both evil and good report. The conversing with, you,
either by speaking or writing, is an unspeakable blessing to me. I
cannot tbink of you without thinking of God. Others often lead
me to him, but it is, as it were, going around about. You bring me
straight into his presence."—Ed.
LITE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
91
ledge she had left the fountain-head of bliss, and
stooped to creature happiness. She was very de¬
sirous to see us, if it could have been but a dear
child of God attended her constantly, and wres¬
tled much, with God in her behalf. A little before
her death she declared, "The Lord hath forgiven
me. I shall be saved j but I shall suffer loss."
.Kepeating the name of Jesus, her spirit returned
to God, just four weeks from the day on which
she left our house.*
" O! what is death ? 'Tis life's last shore,
Where vanities are vain no more."
In the beginning of the year 1767, the Lord
was pleased to,exercise us with some little trials
of another kind. Various reproaches were cast
upon us. It was confidently affirmed I had forced
the before-mentioned young lady (Miss Lewen) to
make a will when she was dying, and leave me all
her estate, and that I had, thus wronged her rela¬
tions. Some religious professors said that I had
wronged the poor, and that I had killed my friend
by rigorous mortification: that I had driven her
into despair, and caused her to die in darkness:
with a variety of stories as ridiculous as false.
The truth is, I had not gained one penny by her,
but was many pounds out of pocket. However,
these accounts were so industriously spread, and
* Was not this extraordinary dispensation an instance of what St.
John calls a sin unto death—a sin which God punishes by the death
of the body? It was not a little thing in his sight to leave such a
house without a special call of his providence. Those, however,
who form and govern such a house, should beware of any approach
to the confinement of the cloister. There was nothing of that kind
here.—Ed.
92
LIFE DF MR§.\ FLETCHER.
even to distant parts, that a gentleman from a
place about a hundred miles off, told me some
years after, he verily believed, had I walked
through that town at one time, the mob would
have stoned me! But the Lord is a God of judg¬
ment, and by him actions are weighed.
A little time before this the Lord was pleased
to remove my dear parents. My father had a.
long and painful illness of three years; and my
mother lived but nine months after. I was now
permitted to be a good deal with them. One day
my dear honored father spoke to me with great,
tenderness concerning some of my former trials,
and expressed much sorrow that my fortune was
not left as much in my power as that of the other
children,—saying, "If you desire itx I will alter
my will now. But your uncle knows my mirid;
and if you marry a man to make you happy, it is
all I wish. I do not care whether he has money
or not. But whether you marry or not, you ought
to have your fortune as well as the rest. If you
desire it, I will have it so altered;" with many
more expressions of paternal affection, which,
though I do not think it proper to insert them
here, will ever have a place in my heart. I
begged him to make himself quite easy, and not
to attempt the alteration of any thing; as I saw it
must greatly disturb his peace, for several reasons.
I assured him I saw myself safe in the hands of
my Heavenly Father, and knew I should never
want any thing that was for my good; and that
if I was favored with seeing the salvation of his
soul, I had no more to ask: God would take care
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
93
of me. I was led thus to speak. From what he
had said to me, however, I expected to have found
in his will far less than he had really given me.
Immediately after the death of my father, my
dear mother entered into her last illness. I found
much love to her, and of consequence much pain.
She expressed a tender kindness toward me dur¬
ing her illness, and showed her tender care by
augmenting the sum my father had left me.
During the illness of my dear parents, I sulfered
much, not only for them, but for my weak friend
at home, and the weight of so great a family.
Her increasing illness was an unspeakable exercise
to me. She had some time before been brought
near to death, but many promises of recovery
were then brought to her mind with power; and,
after being so reduced as to be given over, she
recovered as it were suddenly, and beyond all ex¬
pectation, and remained in pretty good health for
a year. But now she grew daily worse; and for
three years her sufferings were great and frequent.
I plainly saw she decayed fast, and all my nature
shrank at the thought of being left alone at the
head of such an undertaking; and what added to
my trial, we had increased our family with some
whose spirit did not suit our house, so that jars
and a divided interest sometimes arose, which till
very lately we had not known. But the heaviest
of all my yokes was the galling yoke of unbelief.
I remembered the time when I could say, "Un¬
belief has not a place in my soul to set its foot
upon." But now I had slipped back from that
constant act of faith. I had admitted cares and
94
LIFE, OF MRS. FLETCHER.
fears,* and by insensible degrees I was sunk again
into my own will, and the strivings of evil tempers.
Indeed, there was a confidence, a degree of union
with God, which I never totally lost, neither did-his
fear depart out of my heart; yet I had inwardly
departed from that pure love which I possessed.
I had left off to delight myself in God, as heretofore,
and accepted of many other things in his place; so
that my trials were greater than I can well describe.
One day, as I was attending my sick friend,
almost inconsolable, she said, " My dear, I hardly
know how to rejoice in the prospect of death, be¬
cause I see no way for you. I shall leave you in
the hands of enemies, but God will stand by you.'*
I said, " My dear love, can you think of any way for
me? It is sometimes presented to my mind, that
I should be called to marry Mr. Fletcher." j- She
* Was this painful state heaviness through manifold temptations,
(1 Peter i. G.) or a real departure from the Lord? I believe some
things that follow will incline the serious reader to conclude it was
the former.-—Ed.
t The pious reader will not be displeased to see that such an im¬
pression was made on such a mind, preceding the union of that ad¬
mirable couple. The impression was mutual. In a letter from Mr.
Fletcher to Mr. Charles Wesley, (see Mr. Fletcher's Works, vol. iv.,)
we find the following sentiments: "You ask me a very singular
question: I shall answer it with a smile, as I supposed you asked
it. You might have remarked that for some days before I set off
for Madeley, I considered matrimony with a different eye to what I
had done; and the person who then presented herself to my imagi¬
nation was Miss Bosanquet. Her image pursued me for some hours
the last day, and that so warmly, that I should, perhaps, have lost
my peace, if a suspicion of the truth of Juvenal's proverb, Veniunt
a dote saffittiv, (The arrows come from the portion, rather than from
the lady,) had not made me blush, fight, and flee to Jesus', who deliv¬
ered me at, the same moment from her image and the idea of mar¬
riage." There will be some regret, perhaps, felt, that a long and
suffering time should intervene before fhat union. But. it was all
ordered for the good of both—for an eternal union—for the marriage
of the Lamb!—Ed. , ,
LIFE OP MRS.1 FLETCHER.
95
replied,' "I like him the best of any man, if ever
you do take thit step. But unless he should be
of a Very tender disposition toward you, you would
not be. happy;'butr God will direct you." It
pleased God, however, in admeasure to remove
her disorder again; so that for some months she
was enabled to act as a leader and a helper among
us.
We were now pretty well settled: our meetings
were quiet and comfortable; the nuhiber of hear¬
ers increased, and some of our little flock were
gone triumphantly to glory. My income being
now larger, I thought a more easy path lay before
me; and I found much attachment to the place.
Yet we were sickly, and the house was too small
for such a family as ours. We had no land to it,
(mine being all let off before to the other house,)
and not having cows, such a number of children
occasioned much inconvenience. Frequently I was
advised to remove into some part of Yorkshire,
and take a farm; that otherwise it was impossible
to bring up the children to every branch of need¬
ful business; and that my income would go as far
again in such a situation. I must here observe,
though my income was increased, it was still not
equal to our expenses, which were great on many
accounts: I had also undertaken, in union with
the young lady before mentioned, some charitable
affairs, which now all fell on me, and many of
them I could not throw off for some years. The
box did not yield us as much by half as in the first
year; for like the manna in the wilderness, which
ceased when the Israelites get corn, so that provi-
96 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
sion, which had been exceedingly useful to us,
seemed now to be suspended. Yet I felt very
averse to the thought of business; I feared the
armor I had not proved, and thought I should
perhaps lose the little maintenance I had, rather
than gain more.
One day, my friend being a little better, and
all things at that time pretty comfortable, my own
heart being also drawn with an unusual sweetness
toward the Lord, I was walking in the garden,
when, looking around me, it appeared as a para¬
dise. I thought, How sweet is my situation! I
dwell among my own people, a few who love me,
and whom I love. The family is getting more
and more as I could wish; and as to our circum¬
stances, I can freely trust my God farther than I
can see, so that all my care on him is cast, and
here I hope to end my days. Immediately a
thought presented itself:* But suppose God should
call you from this place; and there should be yet
some bitter cups for you to drink ? I started at
the thought; but said, Give me power to say, Thy
will he done.
About this time Bichard Taylor came from
Yorkshire, being driven from thence by misfor^
tunes. He left a wife and young family, and
came to London in hopes of settling with his
creditors. Sister Crosby (who was now a mem¬
ber of my family) had known him in Yorkshire,
and Mr. Dornford and Mr. Murlin recommended
him to me, and proposed his staying for a time
* It is by no means clear that this was from the Lord.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
97
at our bouse. He seemed (and I believe be then
■was) a devoted man. We were much interested
in his behalf. When we sat down to dinner, the
thought that his wife and children were in trou¬
ble and distress,, would often so overwhelm him,
he could not take a morsel. He appeared a man
of prayer, and one of the excellent of the earth.
Various circumstances occurred which seemed
plainly to call us to seek another habitation, and
Yorkshire was the place most likely. Yet such
a call did not seem desirable to me. My reason
seemed to point that way: my inclination was, to
remain where I then was. One morning, how¬
ever, as I was reading in my turn to the family,
I came to these words: " Come out from thy kin¬
dred and thy country,1 and come into a land which
I will show thee." I felt myself penetrated
with resignation, I felt my strong attachment to
the place, as being the place of my birth, quite
removed, and I seemed free to follow the lead¬
ing of the Spirit of God to any corner of the
earth.*
My friend and I began seriously to consider
whether our work was not done at Laytonstone:
whether, after spending about five years at this
place, we were not now called to another spot. A
physician had told'us, if there were any hopes of
sister Ryan's recovery, it would be by a journey.
She had unexpectedly recovered at Bath before,
and it might be so again. At this time she was
* Whether this leading was really of the Spirit of God or not, her
submission to him made her more than conqueror.—Ed.
9
98 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
very bad. I objected, however, to the moving
her in so weak a condition; to which she an¬
swered, " If the Lord see fit to spare me, proba¬
bly that is to be the means of raising me u'p;
and if he has otherwise determined, I should be
glad to see you settled first; for if you are left
without me here, I think you will have great dif¬
ficulty, from several circumstances; and probably
such an exchange of place and situation would
put it in your power to alter and remove those
difficulties."
My relations and Christian friends seemed all
to approve, and we believed our way was plain
for taking a journey to Leeds, and some adjacent
places, in order to judge better whether they
were suitable, and whether we could meet
with a habitation that would answer our great
family.
Accordingly, on June the seventh, 1768, I set
out with my friend Ryan, and sister Crosby.
Brother Taylor, who was now to return home,
accompanied us on horseback.* It may be sup-
* All those who have read with pious interest the beginning arid
progress of the house of God at Laytonstone, must regret its disso¬
lution. Had it been favored with any successors of the same
spirit, we might rejoice that those who had, as the salt of the earth,
been the savor of life to that people, were about to season other
places. But that was not the case. There were no such successors;
and it is by no means clear that there was such a call of Divine
Providence as was sufficient to justify these chosen instruments in
departing from a place so Divinely visited, and in dissolving an es¬
tablishment so owned of the Lord. Mr. Wesley's sentiments con¬
cerning that establishment are very decisive. In his Journal (see
his Works, vol. iv.) he says, "Thursday, December 12, 1765, I rode
over to Laytonstone, and found one truly Christian family. This is
what that at Kingswood should be, and would, if it had such gov¬
ernors." Again: "Thursday, February 12, 1767, I preached at
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 99
posed we had a troublesome journey and aching
hearts, for my dear sister- Kyan was so ill as to
be carried in arms in and out of the chaise, and
to be watched with every night; and the bring¬
ing down so large a family two hundred miles
was attended with no little difficulty. "VVe went
first to Mr. Taylor's wife's parents, where we
found a family of serious persons, The old man
and woman were patterns of industry and seri¬
ousness; and the wife a person with whom I
found much fellowship of spirit. We stayed
with them seven weeks, until we could find a
house which for the present would suit our pur-
Laytonstone. 0 what a house of God is here! — not only for de¬
cency and order, but for the life and power of religion. I am
afraid there are very few such to be found in all the king's do¬
minions." Ought not the call tube clear, and even imperative, that
led to the dissolution of such a house ? We have indeed heard the
blessed woman who was at the head of it observing with grief,
"We had increased our establishment with some whose spirit did
not suit our house, so that jars and a divided interest arose." And
could she think the Devil had fallen asleep, or that he would not
take the old way,—that he would not sow tares among the wheat ?
Such persons should, have been dismissed after all long-suffering
had been manifested. We should add to our loving faith, courage,
knowing for whom we are to act. As this way, it seems, was not
taken, we cannot wonder that the leaven should win its way, and
a cloud overspread the once illuminated mansion. In such a dark
day. it is no wonder that " cares and fears" should assault her de¬
voted heart, so that she hardly knew her own state, and had al¬
most given up her confidence. A new way seemed to open, of
which Mr. Taylor was the harbinger,—a way so entangled with
briers and thorns, that there seemed, at length, hardly any hope of
deliverance. But the Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of
temptation; and until then,
" Darkly safe with God, thy soul
His arm still onward bears,
Till through each tempest, on the whole,
A peace divine appears!"
This was the blessed result. The Lord turned her captivity, and
filled her mouth with laughter, and her tongue with praise.—Ed.
100
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
pose—which we at length did at Gildersom, in
the West Riding of Yorkshire.
My dear companion now began to sink daily;
hut as the account of'her last scene is included
in her Life, I will not enter into any particulars
of it here—^only add that on the seventeenth of
August, 1768, she experienced, in reality, what
she had seen in her dream, namely, that
" He would kiss her raptured soul away."
She departed this life in the forty-fourth year of
her age. Thus passed the dreaded moment
which I had for seven years so painfully appre¬
hended. Rut she had often in her illness said to
me, " My dear friend, I have obtained for you
of the Lord that you shall not be overcome of
sorrow; therefore fear not, for I know he heard
me." Her prayer was, in a great degree, an¬
swered : I was not overcome of sorrow. The
thought of her long-suffering, and present hap¬
piness, much alleviated the bitter cup which I
had tasted of occasionally for some years.. My
great affliction did not come at once. The Lord
treated me as we do a child: he put one thing
into my hand to take away another. I thought
I saw some comfortable prospects before me in
life, and a veil was drawn over the many and
great crosses which were to follow. I prayed I
might be kept close to the will of God, and pre¬
served from turning to the right hand or to the
left, now that I had lost my spiritual mother.
But I did not wish to die; neither could I get
my heart into that spiritual frame I had enjoyed
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 101
in the year 1762, and therefore, being mingled
with earth, I felt all my ties were not cut through.
I had sometimes conversed with her on the sub¬
ject of departed spirits having communion with
us, and she used to say, "If it be the will of ihy
Heavenly Father, I should rejoice to communi¬
cate some comfort to you, either in a dream or
any other way." But I never had even the
slightest remembrance of her in any dream for
some months, though she possessed so great a
share in my waking thoughts. I often wondered
at this, till one night, I think six months after
her death, I thought she was hovering over me,
as in a cloud, and from thence spoke in her own
voice some lines in verse j but I could only re¬
tain the latter part, which were these words :
" Mingle with earth we can no more;
But when you worship God alone,
We then shall mutually adore."
By which I understood she meant, I was not in
that purity which was requisite for communion
with heavenly spirits ; but it raised in my heart
an expectation that such a season would come.
My invaluable friend was buried in Leeds old
■churchyard; where to her name and age were
added only these words,
" Who lived and died a Christian."
9*
102
life of mrs. fletcher.
PART THE THIRD.
her settlement in yorkshire.
My health began to fail. I had for three
years had much fatigue in nursing my dear
friend; and some crosses "which now flowed in
apace greatly affected me. I grew large, and had
dropsical symptoms. My soul was at this season
in a low and cold state. My path was strewed
with many perplexities ; and I was at a loss how
or where to settle. Trade I much feared; and
yet I did not see how I could do without it.
My family consisted of thirty persons, of whom
some were rather unruly. I saw the need of
taking the reins into my own hands, and supply¬
ing the place of my friend Ryan. But this de¬
termination was very difficult to execute; and
daily and hourly felt my insufficiency. While she
was alive, I considered her as a mother, and, like
the other young women, desired her to allot me
my rules and employments, or at least to assist
me in the choice of them. These were,—First,
An attention to the spiritual affairs of the family.
Secondly, Taking care for their sustenance.
Thirdly, Instructing the children. Fourthly,
LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER. 10$
Meeting each member of the family, one by one,
at fixed times. Fifthly, Superintending, by
turns, the more public meetings of the society.
Sixthly, Attending my friend in her frequent ill¬
nesses ; with the direction and management of
the sick. But the care of 'the kitchen, buying
in the stores, managing the needlework, with
.many other articles of direct housekeeping, I was
quite unaccustomed to. While I lived in my fa¬
ther's house I saw very little of domestic affairs,
because we lived rather high; so that I was quite
a stranger to that kind of management needful
for a great family, who had but little to live on.
Besides, the manner of life here was entirely, dif¬
ferent from what I had been used to about Lon¬
don. Here wheat was to be bought to make
flour; bread to be made; cows to be managed;
men-servants to be directed; with a variety of
particulars in housekeeping quite new to me.
Had my friend been spared, all this would have
been a pleasure; but' now my spirits were so de¬
pressed, every thing appeared a burden; and
when I had provided as well as I could, some
persons in my family would despisingly say my
victuals were not worth eating; and that I knew,
not how to order any thing. I had frequent let¬
ters from distant parts, some pitying, some upbraid¬
ing me ; and informing me at the same time, " The
stories which we hear carried about concerning
you, come all from the members of your family."
0 ! said I, I have not abode in my Saviour as I
ought: I have gone down to Egypt for help, and
therefore is all this come upon me; otherwise, I'
104 LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER.
should still inherit that word, applied to me witji
power in the first gathering of my household,
"Thou art nfy hope and my fortress, my castle
and deliverer, my defender in whom I have
trusted; who subdueth the people that are under
me;" I mentioned before, that we had met with
a large house, in part furnished, which was of
great service, as my own furniture was not yet
arrived. There was land to it, and though dear,
I saw it a providence, and an asylum till we could
fix better. In the ordering of the outdoor affairs,
Mr. Taylor was very useful to me, and indeed had
not he and his wife been with me, I do not think
I should ever have got through some difficulties
which I had to encounter. One day he brought
me word of a farm very cheap, with a freehold
estate adjoining thereto, on which were malt
kilns, a small house, and many outbuildings.
The farm was. large; and he thought, if besides
the farm-house, we were to build one big enough
for our family, it would be cheaper than to rent a
house. I was very averse to the undertaking;
but there was no time to lose, as many were
seeking after it. I went to Leeds, to consult the
.most judicious of my friends, in particular Mr.
R., a man well acquainted with business, and the
most intimate friend I had in Yorkshire. He
aiiswered, " You may look on this, as Isaac did
when he found a well for which they did not
strive. He said, 'The Lord hath made room
for us in the land.' So," added he, "may
you say; for had you waited a dozen years, you
'might not have met with such an opportunity."
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 105
I objected, " that I did not understand it, and
that perhaps it would sink instead of increasing
my income." He replied, liichard Taylor
knows well how to manage it, if you do not; and
I have no doubt that.it will clear you a hundred
and fifty pounds a year, which will be good in¬
terest for your money."- I now remembered the
reflection cast on me at Laytonstone, viz., "If
she wants to do good with her fortune, let her
take up a little trade. She talks of the poverty
of Jesus : let us see her work, at a trade as he
did." That thought had much weighed with
me. I prayed for light, and took the place;
bought the estate, formed the plan for the house,
and set about it. The first mark of the favor of
Grod was, we had some of our work-people con¬
verted, so that before half the house was built we
had a good .class. The desire after purity of
heart was much revived among' the neighboring
societies; and. I found in many ways there was
a wider field open for doing good than I had ever
before experienced. I had some among the
members of my family, also, who were very help¬
ful in the work of God. By settling on a new
plan, I found it more easy to draw things into my
own hand. I, removed some, and put others into
their proper places.
The building I found no cheaper than in the
south, or but little so: it cost a good deal more
than at first proposed. The farm took a great
deal to stock, and bring into order; and as most
of my capital lay in an estate, (or in that sum my
dear father on his death-bed so. lamented that he
106 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
had tied up from me,) I had not sufficient for all the
expenses, with the purchase of the freehold) and
was obliged to take up money on interest, which
I hoped to pay off at fifty pounds per year. The
malt kilns seemed to answer well, and cleared the
first year fifty pounds above all expenses.
Our call was a good deal abroad in the work of
God, and we had encouragement therein. A few
(and at that time but a few) in that part had a de¬
sire after holiness. Some years before this, sister
Crosby had spent a little time in Yorkshire. She
told them what a wonderful work of sanctification
God was carrying on in London. Many were
affected with her words, and two or three in this
place retained the light and power then given to
them. These we agreed to meet once a fortnight,
and unite our cry to the Lord that he would pour
out a spirit of conviction on his people, and that the
neighboring societies might be stirred up to seek
for purity of heart. We had not met many times
before the answer came: one and another begged
to join in our Wednesday night meetings, and
our number increased to about fifty, all of whom
were ardently desiring or sweetly brought into
that liberty. When we grew too numerous, (for
they began to come from many miles around,) I
advised those who were able, to gather a meeting
of the same kind, near their own homes. This
was attended with many blessings. We some¬
times visited those infant meetings, and they in¬
creased and spread as well as ours. It must be
observed, none were admitted as members into
our meeting, but those who were truly awakened
LIFE GE MRS. FLETCHER. 107
to seek for holiness, as before they had been to
seek for pardon. Others, if we judged them
sincere, were sometimes occasionally admitted;
but we were very careful whom we considered as
fixed members. Of these I had a separate list;
and about once a quarter met them apart from
the others. I felt myself led to enforce on them
some particular observations, which they fre¬
quently asked me to set down on paper. I did,
therefore, set them down as follows:
As you have expressed a desire that I would
give. you on paper the few observations I have
sometimes made on Wednesday nights, I will en¬
deavor so to do, as far as I can recollect. And if
my dear Lord is pleased to help you through so
weak an instrument, he shall have the more abun¬
dant praise.
First. I would recommend you to be very care¬
ful whom you admit into your meeting. Consider
no one as member thereof who is not steadily
seeking after Christian perfection; that is, a heart
simplified by love Divine, and kept each moment
by faith from the pollution of sin. Whosoever
agrees not with you on this point, will greatly in¬
terrupt your design.
Secondly. See that you £x on your minds,-—
We come together to get out faith increased; and
expect as much that our souls should be refreshed
by our meeting, as we do our bodies to be refreshed
by our food. Come with a lively expectation;
and tliat your expectation may not be cut off,
keep your spirit all the time in continual prayer;
united prayer can never go unanswered. Mr.
108 LIFE OF MES. FLETCHEE.
Fletcher on this head has a lively observation:
"When many believing hearts," says he, "are
lifted up, and wrestle in prayer together, we may
compare them to many hands which work a large
pump: at such times/particularly, the fountains
of the great deep are broken up, the windows of
heaven are opened, and rivers of living water flow
from the hearts of obedient believers."
Thirdly. Bear with each other's mistakes or in¬
firmities in love. Consider the members as if
they were your own children. How much will a
man bear with in his own son that sejweth him ?
A threefold cord cannot be easily broken. Satan
will leave no stone unturned to disunite you; but
0, remember the characteristic of the evangelical
dispensation is:
"The love that turns the other cheek:
The love inviolably meek,
Which bears, but conquers all."
Fourthly. Be well aware of that deadly poison,
so frequent among professors: I mean evil-speak¬
ing. It will cover itself under a thousand forms;
and, alas! how many sincere hearts swallow this
gilded bait before they know what they are about.
Never repeat the fault of an absent person, unless
it be absolutely needful. In particular, speak not
evil of dignities; neither of our king, on whose
account we have the greatest reason to be thank¬
ful, nor yet of any in authority under him—nei¬
ther those whom God hath set over us as spiritual
teachers. If any of these do not speak just as we
could have wished, never forget that one may
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 109
have his gift after this manner, another after
that. The exhortation not so immediately useful
to your state may nevertheless he put into their
mouth at that time for another person then present.
Known unto Glod are all his ways; and as he hath
said, A cup of cold water given to a prophet shall
not be forgotten, how pleasing will it be in his
sight, if by faith and prayer we hold up the hands
of his praying servants!
Fifthly. Hold fast the truth in a pure con¬
science. Let not one spark of your light be put
out. Though all your teachers, brethren, friends,
yea, the whole Church, were to turn against the
truth, let nothing make you forget, The blood of
Jesus cleanseth from all sin; and that he keeps
that soul for ever clean, who day and night hangs
on him by simple faith.
Sixthly. Be always ready to give an account to
those that ask you a reason of the hope that is in
you. In order to thisr let us pray for clear ideas
of what we seek, and what we possess. Bear in
mind, that to perfect holiness in the fear of the
Lord, is no more than you have already promised:
First, By your sponsors in baptism; secondly, In
your own person, when you made those vows your
own by confirmation; and, thirdly, Whenever you
renew that covenant by coming to the Lord's
ta^le. " You have engaged to renounce the devil
and all his works, the pomps and vanities of- this
wicked world, and all the sinful lusts of the flesh;
to believe all the articles of the Christian faith;
to keep Glod's holy will and commandments, and
to walk in the same all the days of your life."
10
HQ LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
And is not this vowing to perfect holiness in the
fear ^f God ? Does the first part of this sacred
engagement, To renounce the devil and all his
works, leave any room for the least agreement
with the devil, the world, or the flesh? Does the
second, To believe all the articles of the Christian
faith, make the least allowance for one doubt with
respect to any one article of the Christian faith?
Or does the third allow the wilful breach of any
one of God's commandments? Again, Do we not
all profess to believe it to he our duty to love God
with all our heart, and our neighbor as ourselves ?
Weigh the depth of those two expressions. Do
they not imply love made perfect, or, in other
words, Christian perfection?
Seventhly. Remember that saying of Solomon,
The wise man's eyes are in his head. Let your
eye of faith be steadily fixed on your living Head,
deeply conscious of that word:
" Having done all, by faith I stand,
And give the praise, 0 Lord, to thee!"
A holy man makes this observation: "Perse¬
vering believers are little omnipotents." Abide
then every moment in the living vine, from whom
you constantly draw your life, as the coal its heat
from the fire: it was all black, cold, and filthy, before
it was impregnated with the fire that kindled it;
but if by any accident it fall therefrom, the shi¬
ning perfection which it had acquired gradually
wears away, and it becomes a filthy cinder, the
black emblem of an apostate. So true is that
saying of our Lord, Without me ye can do nothing.
Eighthly. Consider yourselves as united by a
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. Ill
holy covenant to God and to each other; aiming
to advance the glory of God all you possibly can.
"Ye for Christ your Master stand
Lights in a benighted land."
Beware then that your light become not dark¬
ness : let no one be discouraged from seeking
Christian holiness by any thing they see in your
life and conversation. We must become a whole
burnt-sacrifice. The soldier enlisted under the
banner of his king, may neither leave his post
nor choose his employment. We have covenanted
to be the Lord's; and may not draw back one
power, no, nor one thought, from his service. Be
it then engraven on our hearts, as with a diamond
pen, "Thy vows, 0 God, are upon me: I have
opened my mouth unto the Lord, and cannot go
back."
Glory be to God, it might be said of Cross Hall,
(the name of our present habitation,) many a soul
has been born in her, and many sweet seasons did
we know with the Lord; and I do at this day de¬
clare I shall ever adore the wisdom of God in
bringing me down to settle in Yorkshire. It was
good for the work of God. It was good for my
own soul;* but for a season it did not appear good
for my temporal affairs. I had not been seven
years there, before I saw myself brought into
great perplexity, from circumstances I shall by
* Nothing could prevent such a devoted person from bearing fruit
unto God. In answer to the prayer of faith, He opens rivers in
the high places, and streams in the desert. Mr. Wesley, speaking
of her settlement in Yorkshire, observes, (see his Works, vol. iv.,)
" Saturday, July 7th, 1770, I rode to Miss Bosanquet's. Her family
is still a pattern, and a general blessing to the country."—Ed.
112 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
and by relate. But whatever occurred, I must
ever praise the Lord, that his providence brought
me there. I had a continual presentiment my
troubles were for an appointed time; and that in
the end deliverance would be given from every
difficulty.
I found my mind much united to brother and
sister Taylor. I strove to remove their burdens,
and went in person to their creditors. After
meeting with some opposition, I got their affairs
settled, at the expense of between two and three
hundred pounds.
After the death of sister Ryan, my soul had
many risings and sinkings. Sometimes I seemed
to lose my way, and knew not where or what I
was. For about two years, I sunk into fear, care,
self-indulgence, and many wanderings. Yet my
aim was toward the Lord, who, after that season,
began again to renew in me a tender conscience,
and as my outward sorrows increased, so my in¬
ward light and power began to revive. It was
soon after that time that we began the meeting
above mentioned, as near as I can remember,
though I have not set down the exact date thereof;
by my diary it appears to be about a year after
my soul began again to walk by faith. These
meetings were to me a singular blessing. They
cost me many a wrestling prayer, and when the
nights approached when we were to meet, 0 ! the
sinking into nothing before God my spirit used to
feel! Of all the meetings I ever was employed
in while in Yorkshire, I know not I ever felt my
soul so conscious of the Lord's approval as in these.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 113
I must acknowledge it occasioned both expense
and labor. Frequently I had many beds to make
up, and many friends and their horses to enter¬
tain. But I saw it such an honor to be (as I
sometimes expressed it) the Lord's innkeeper,
that I could feel nothing but satisfaction therein.
Those words were often applied with great sweet¬
ness, The birds of the air shall rest under thy
branches.
I now found a fresh conviction of the necessity
of Divine help, that I might go in and out before
my family in such a manner as would lead them
into the most excellent way; and when any thing
particular rested on my mind, I usually set it
down in the way of diary. On looking over old
papers, I find the following remarks; but am not
quite clear as to the dates:
" This day I have been solemnly renewing my
covenant with the Lord, and considering over our
family rules, fasts, and meetings. I have been
praying for fresh vigor and resolution in the use
thereof; and while reading this morning the vision
of Samuel concerning Eli, I was led to inquire
how far it was jmy own case. Lord, thou hast
made me the head of this family. Do I bear the
sword in vain? Show me, Lord, what I.can do
to help them, considered one .by one, and how I
may help to put away, in each, whatever would
offend. The thoughts which flowed into my mind
were as follows:
" First. Love is the end of the commandment.
If I would wish to be such a head as God ap¬
proves, I must have no spring of action but love.
10*
114 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
Yet when we have many tempers to suit ourselves
to, all their burdens to bear, and their every want
to supply, (even in narrow circumstances,) nature
is apt to grow weary. It is very easy to give our
neighbor what we can spare, but to pinch our¬
selves, and even to run the risk of debts and dis¬
tress for their sakes, makes the work far more
hard. How then shall I get and keep that spirit
of love to each which is needful for my fulfilling
toward them the place of a mother? or, in some
sense, to be a pillar in God's house, who is ap¬
pointed to bear the weight of the whole building?
"I will call over each member in my mind with
solemn prayer, and search out every perfection of
every kind—every trace of the image of God which
I can discern in each, and enter them on paper;
adding thereto every fresh discovery; and then to
each name affix a plan, denoting what is the best
method of helping that person's infirmities, and
strengthening their virtues. If I do not thus
study the tempers and dispositions of my family,
how unlike will my carriage be to that of my hea¬
venly Father toward me. I am also much con¬
vinced of the necessity of being exact in early
rising, both for the good of my own soul, and that
of my family; and as I am now better, I trust to
be able to execute my purpose. I shall also meet
the family at stated times, for an hour, in order
to inquire if brotherly love continues. And to
remove all hindrances thereto, I will at those
times observe—
"My design in having a family is to bring
honor to God. If that end be not answered, I
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
115
am disappointed, and the Spirit of God is grieved
with those who hinder it.
"But in order to this, it is needful to beware
of Satan's devices, who will be always endeavor¬
ing to throw in something to wound love; and
among a large family where there is a multiplicity
of business, perplexities will arise, which •some¬
times have a tendency to break, or at least to in¬
terrupt, that sweet harmony of love by which the
Church below isrendered a shadow of that above.
"To prevent this must be my constant labor.
1 believe you all love me; and I am, my Heavenly
Bather knows, united to every one of you. But
that will not do, unless you are united among
yourselves. I would therefore inquire of each,
one by one:
"First. Do you find want of love to any one
here? If you answer yes, give your reason, and
it shall be searched to the bottom, though it be
in myself.
" Secondly. Is there any conduct of any mem¬
ber which you think might be mended?
"Thirdly. We are to live only to and for God.
You all can bear me witness, what we save is
saved for the poor, and the work of God. Now,
can any of you point out wherein .we can save
more? This is to be done in little things: for
instance, suppose twenty of you had each a can¬
dle to use, and each person were to run it into
the fire, and waste a tenth part of the whole, that
would be two candles lost per night. If each
fire (we will say ten) burn one pennyworth of
coals per day more than is needful, there are five
116 LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER.
shillings and tenpence per week lost: enough tc
make two poor people who love and serve the Lord,
comfortable. The same may be said of every thing
we eat, drink, wear, or make use of. Savingness
gives a constant and profitable use of the cross;
as well as administers, by those small acts of self-
denial, to the necessities of our brethren. If we
are thirty in family, besides many strangers, sup¬
pose every one by frugality to save (every thing
being put together) but twopence per day, what a
large sum will that make in the whole year—nearly
a hundred pounds!—and how many of the saints
of God may be fed and clothed therewith!
" Fourthly. Time is a most invaluable talent;
and there is scarcely an hour but we may save some
minutes, by doing every thing as to the Lord, that
is, in the best manner we are able. It is a true
saying, a thing once well done is twice done.
For instance, if you sew a seam carelessly, it will
soon want doing over again. If you clean any thing
by halves, it will want a repetition almost directly.
If linen is badly got up, and not of a good color,
it will not wear half the time; consequently, the
next wash will be larger, will require more time,
more soap, more fire, etc. If you teach the child¬
ren by halves, they will need so many more les¬
sons, and be so much the longer before they are.
useful at home, or fit to go out; so that the desire
of saving time calls for the most diligent applica¬
tion in every thing. But in order truly to buy
up this precious talent, there is a necessity of
walking as in the constant presence of God. By
that recollection, we shall cut off useless words
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 117
and thoughts, which are the canker-worms that
eat up our time.
" Fifthly. The power of speech, is a great talent.
It is an instrument of much good, or much evil.
The tongue is a little member, yet how much good
or evil is it capable of kindling! A little spark
may be the beginning of a flame powerful enough
to destroy a whole city; and one wrong word may
draw on another, until the tongue, 'which is a
world of iniquity, may set on fire all the members,
being itself set on fire of hell.' On the other
hand, in a large family, how useful may that
m-ember be! while it possesses the honor of
being God's advocate, and watches every moment
for an opportunity to call in the minds of those
around you to a closer .attention to God. The
right use of the tongue is of the utmost conse¬
quence, (especially in a religious community,) and
worthy our strictest and most earnest endeavors;
since the apostle says, 'He that offendeth not in
word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to
bridle the whole body.' "
The next Friday after this family meeting, I
proposed as a fast—at twelve we were to meet
for one hour, chiefly for earnest prayer. At
these seasons I frequently found much of the
presence and approval of God, and I believe they
were blessed to many of the family.
To return to my outward situation. When I
had been a few years in Cross Hall, I had many
trials of faith, and patience. Sometimes I was
all fears; and at others I had a lively confidence
in that word, Stand to my will, and thou shalt
118 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
suffer no detriment; which, was applied to
me just before the period of sister Byan's
death.
Various circumstances now agitated my mind;
and frequently with groans and tears I have said
before the Lord, " 0 that I could meet with a
friend as divinely enlightened, and as faithful, as
the one I have lost! It would be worth going
over red-hot bars of iron to procure." But
though I knew some of the excellent of the earth,
yea, and had some of them under my own roof,
yet friendship is so immediately the gift of God,
we cannot form it when we will. There must be
a similitude of mind, a something which God
alone can give, and which he at this time was
pleased to withhold from me, perhaps that I
might learn to depend on himself alone. The
point in which I was peculiarly sensible of the
loss of my friend, was in the character of a coun¬
sellor. I wanted to know and do the will of God.
I feared I was wrong in my present situation, be¬
cause things did not answer; and yet I did not
know which way to mend them. But I have al¬
ways found the best way is to stand still; for I
have learned by experience, that when we have
no light how to get out of our troubles, and no
way seems to open, the present duty is resigna¬
tion. We have only to follow Providence from
day to day, making it our one business to perse¬
vere in a constant sense of the presence of God,
and to lie before his feet as poor beggars, waiting
for his direction.
Some time before this a circumstance hap-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 119
pened, which, though to appearance trifling,
proved in the end very material. A gentleman,
who about two years before lost a wife he tenderly
loved, on hearing of me, and the close union
which had subsisted between me and Mrs. Ryan,
permitted a thought to dwell on his mind—that
perhaps I was brought to Yorkshire by the pro¬
vidence of God to repair his loss.
One day, as I was returning from a little jour¬
ney where I had been to meet some people, we
called at an inn to bait the horse. Mr. was
standing at a window of that inn. I came out,
and stood some time at the block waiting for my
horse. A thought struck his mind, " I should
like that woman for a wife ;" but instantly he cor¬
rected it with that reflection, "I know not whether
she be a converted or an unconverted person—a
married or a single woman." Just then Mr. Tay¬
lor came up with the horse. The gentleman
knew him, and coming out to speak to him, was
much struck to find it was I. But as there was
not any thing striking to me in the occurrence, I
had quite forgotten it till he recalled it to my
remembrance some years after.
As I was very free in making known my fears,
lest my new undertaking should not answer, some
friends have often said to me, " Why do not you
consult Mr. ? He is the only man for busi¬
ness in the country; and having heard of your
situation, he wishes to give Mr. Taylor some ad¬
vice." Not long after, a friend brought him to
our house. I did not know at that time whether
he were married or single. We soon fell into
120 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
conversation about the farm. He gave me some
directions, and interested himself much in my
affairs. I frequently applied to him in difficult
occurrences, and he became, in the common ac¬
ceptation of the word, a familiar friend.
My perplexities now increased. The farm had
sunk a very large sum to bring it into order, and
the kilns took much money to work them, a great
deal of which lay scattered up and down in debts
owing to me from lesser maltsters. I applied not
only to Mr. , but to some other sensible
men. They looked over all, and said I was too
much afraid : in a year or two things would turn
round. That I had a farm to malce; but it was
now in such order, it would soon pay all again.
This gave me some satisfaction, but did not on
the whole remove my fears. I also saw Mr.
Taylor went too far; that he was inclined to ven¬
ture much; that he kept too many men; and
gave a great deal too much credit.
This answered Mr. 's 'design. By these
things he was inclined to think Hod was con¬
straining me to accept the offer, which by this
time he had made me, of his hand, his heart, and
his purse. His affections were strong, sincere,
and constant; his offers generous, and his senti¬
ments tender. He loved my family; and who¬
ever was kind to me found favor in his eyes.
This could not but operate on my gratitude. I
was deeply pained. But I could not see him
the man my highest reason chose to obey. First,
I did not so honor the light he had in religion,
as to believe it my privilege to be led thereby.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 121
Secondly, Though he was a good man, and help¬
ful to people in every respect, yet he did not see
the narrow path of walking close with God, as I
could wish the man I took for a husband to do.
Thirdly, Though I had a grateful love toward him,
I could not find that satisfying affection which
flows from perfect confidence; and which is the
very spirit and soul of marriage.
I felt, however,, in the keenest manner the
need I had of his assistance in my affairs; but I
thought it ungenerous to the last degree to ac¬
cept of help and counsel from one whose growing
affection I was too sensible of, but to which, how¬
ever, I could make no return. I used the plain¬
est terms in assuring him of the impossibility of
our affection ever becoming reciprocal; and pro¬
posed the breajiipg off all acquaintance. He al¬
leged in answer, "You cannot do without me.
You will be ruined. God hath made me your
helper; and if you cannot see and feel as I do,
we will be only common friends. I will say no
more on a subject so disagreeable to you."
I lessened my family all I could, by putting
out some of the bigger children to trades, or ser¬
vants' places; but much expense attended it.
Mr. Taylor also had several children while with
me, so the family still consisted of twenty-five
persons. The majority, however, were grown
persons. But losses still continually came on;
and my first seven years in Yorkshire being nearly
expired, I found an absolute need of some change,
since in all this time things grew not better, but
worse.
11
122 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I consulted Mr. and other friends about
my situation, but most were for some further
exertion in trade. That I knew would not do.
Others said, " Turn off all those members of your
family, and you have enough to' live on alone,
with a servant or two/' No way, however,
opened for them, and several were old, sickly, or
helpless. I could not therefore see how that
could be done; and if ever I thought on it,
mountains of difficulty arose before me. Some¬
thing seemed to whisper, A way shall be made
quite plain; yet I saw it my duty to do every
thing in my power. I therefore consulted Mr.
, who knew my whole affairs as no other per¬
son did. He said, " There is but one way for
you : put the farm into Mr. Taylor's hand, en¬
tirely separate from yourself. Let him have the
stock just as it is, and work the kilns as he can
raise money. Let him pay you sixty pounds per
year, and take his family to the end of the house.
I verily believe he will live well and lay up
money; and I will overlook all, and appraise
every thing once a year." I did so. Mr. —
took great pains, and Richard Taylor paid regu¬
larly. But as he was to have it free of debt, I
found a good deal to pay which he had not
brought to account; so .that before all was settled,
I had money again to take up on interest, which
was no small affliction to me; and could I have
sold the place, I would have chosen it rather.
We went on tolerably for three years. Mr.
thought the farm increased in heart. The
stock also improved, and all was cheerful, except
JjlFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 123
in my mind,, which foreboded deeper waters. This
was soon "realized. In the beginning of the fourth
year, Taylor was in debt to the amount of six hun¬
dred pounds. This was what I all along feared;
but I thought, I am not obliged to pay his debt:
let him break, and bear his own burden. Mr.
■ at first thought the same; but soon we saw,
either I must give up the stock, (which would
be sold for half its value,) or pay the money.
Besides, I was now informed that when he ceased
to act as my agent, I ought to have advertised it,
that no one might trust him through confidence
in me. But this (being unused to business) I
did not know.
I deeply felt for the appearance it would have
to my relations. I had before, with their know¬
ledge, taken up money on the Laytonstone estate,
and my brothers were very kind, and ordered all
my affairs in the south to the best advantage. I
did not therefore see it just or prudent to hide any
thing from them. I wrote to my eldest brother
a full account of the whole; but could not see, at
that time, how I could pay; nor was I quite clear
it was required of me. Taylor's wife, now big
with child, wringing her hands, entreated me, in
mercy to her, not to let her husband go to prison;
and indeed she was clear of blame, for all along
she had been afflicted with the fear of what was
now come upon them. I knew not what to do:
above all, the hon<# of religion was dear to me;
and it was too evident, without an appearance of
dishonesty, I could not take back the stock,
though really my own, and leave the debts un-
124 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
paid. Besides, many of the persons were poor,
and would be greatly hurt by the loss. " We had
also at this time a lively work; for whatsoever else
did not prosper by going into Yorkshire, the work
of God did. Being at length determined on the
payment, the next difficulty was, where to raise
the money. I had now taken back all my affairs
out of Taylor's hands, but was incapable of-
managing the business myself, nor could I get the
place disposed of. Mr. then offered to lend
me the six hundred pounds on interest, alid to
become a partner with me in the farm and kilns,
so as to take the management of all. Here I
was quite at a loss. I was almost ready to say,
" Darkness hath covered my path." Prudence,
delicacy, every lively sentiment, started back at
the thought. What! come- under such an obli¬
gation to the man I am constantly refusing!
Besides, such a fresh connection will open the
door to many trials. But there was no alterna¬
tive : I must accept his help or be ruined. I
therefore followed what appeared to be the lead¬
ings of Providence. A little before this,-I had a '
drawing in my mind to go for six months to Bath,
Bristol, and the parts adjacent, believing it to
be the order of God; and I was not sorry for an
excuse to get two hundred miles from poor
Mr. .
One night, conversing with a friend on the
difficulties of my situation,#he said, " I cannot
approve of your proceedings: I fear you fight-
against Providence. Here are several doors open
before you. If you object to Mr. , why do
LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER.. 125
not you accept of some other of those good men
whom the Lord seems to have cast in your way ?
You stand stiffly in the choice of a single life, and,
it seems to me, God fights against you in so
doing. The end will he ruin. You will be
brought to a prison, and all the reproach will be
cast on religion. If you build on the former
promise I have heard you mention, That the Al¬
mighty shall be your defence, and you shall have
plenty of silver, I account you no better than an
enthusiast. Have you not waited long enough ?
You hoped for deliverance at the end of the first
seven years; but four are elapsed since, and if
you wait till the end of the next seven, you will
be no nearer." Though his words did not con¬
vince my judgment, they pained my heart.
Nothing was to me more dreadful than the
thought of getting out of God's order. I carried
my case to the Lord, and, striving to divest my
soul of every, prejudice, I offered up myself to
God, that he might accomplish all his will upon
me—pleading before him, " Show me thy way,
and I will walk in it." But the more I prayed,
the clearer the light seemed to shine on my
present path; and the only answer I could obtain
was, Stand still, and see my salvation.
Being one day at prayer about my situation, I
thought, perhaps I shall sink lower still. Though
Mr. believes he shall make much of the
business, he may be mistaken; and should I lose
more thau my estate at Laytonstone and this
place also will pay, then I shall' have debts I can¬
not answer; and while there is but a bare possi-
11*
126 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER:
bilitj of that, shall I eat and drink as if it were,
my own ? Ah ! no : let me rather live on bread
and water. I have no right, except merely to
sustain life, till I receive from God some answer,
or see, by sound reason, that all will be paid. I
began to do so that very day! But the following
night I had a most particular time before the
Lord ! He showed me (by a light on my under¬
standing) that all my trials were appointed by
himself: that they were laid on by weight and
measure, and should go no farther than they
would work for my good. He pointed me to thje
time at Hoxton, causing me to remember how
simply I had walked by faith, and showing me
my sin in having drawn back from that close
communion. That although I did, in a measure,
still walk with God, yet I could not say, as then,
I live not, but Christ liveth in me.* I had de¬
pended on creatures for help, and therefore he
had let me feel the weight of my burdens, that I
might be constrained to cast them afresh on him;
and that when he had proved and tried me, he
would deliver me from all my outward burdens.
As a pledge of the inward liberty he would after¬
ward bring me into, and that the ways and means
of my deliverance were in his own hands, and
should appear in the appointed time, those words
were again brought powerfully to my mind : . il If
thou put away iniquity far from thy tabernacle—
so shalt thou lift up thy face unto God. Thou
* The truth was, I believe, she had not that lively sense of it.
She was loaded with cares; but they were all consistent with
purity.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 127
shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established
unto thee; and the light shall shine upon thy
path. Yea, the Almighty shall be thy defence,
and thou shalt have plenty of silver." He showed
me that all my perplexities and trials were only the
thorn-hedge which his love had planted around
me, to preserve me from running farther astray.
It was a profitable and melting time.
From that hour I began to take my meat again
with gladness and singleness of heart. During
the above time of prayer, while I was asking
light for my immediate duties, it appeared to me
best to take Mr. Taylor down with us to Bath;
and that from the time I did so, his family would
no more be suqh a burden to me. And truly so
it proved. For my sister met me there, and was
greatly struck with compassion toward him. She
helped him herself, and raised him many friends :
so that all the rest of the time the family were
under my roof, the children were entirely sup¬
ported with the help which arose from that jour¬
ney. I saw much of the order of Glod while from
home; and after six months I returned with
thankfulness: though not without that kind of
sensation which a scourged child would have in
returning to the rod.
I must here mention a circumstance which, in
order of time, occurred some months before. In
my deep troubles, especially after the conversation
with the friend above mentioned concerning mar¬
riage, a thought occurred to my mind—" Perhaps
Mr. Fletcher is to be my deliverer. May not
that be the way to bring me out of these encum-
128 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
brances ?". But I started from the very idea, lest
it should be a stratagem of Satan. "We had not
seen or heard from each other for more than fif¬
teen years. Yet when striving to find out some
way, that idea would frequently present itself be¬
fore me.
In the month of August, 1777, going into a
friend's house who was just come from the Con¬
ference, he said, "'Do you know that Mr. Fletcher,
of Madeley, is dying? Indeed, I know not but
he is dead. If he hold out a little longer, he is
to go abroad; but it is a pity, for he will die by
the way, being in the last stage of consumption."
I heard the account with the utmost calmness.
For some days I bore his burden before the Lord;
and constantly offered him up to the will of God.
A few days after, another of my acquaintance
Wrote word—" Mr. Fletcher is very bad: spits
blood profusely, and perspires profusely every
night. Some have great hope that prayer will
raise him up; but, for my part, I believe he is a
djdng man, as sure as he is now a living one."
As I was one day in prayer, offering him up to
the Lord, these words passed my mind : " The
prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord
shall raise him up." I said, " Lord, I dare not
ask it: I leave it to thy sacred will: thy will be
done!"
The following thoughts occurred to my mind:
If the Lord should raise him up, and bring him
in safety back to England; and he should propose
such a step, could I doubt its being of God, after
such an answer to prayer ? Yet fearing a decep-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 129
tion, I cried to the Lord to keep me in his nar¬
row way, whatever I might suffer, and felt an
unaccountable liberty 'to ask the following signs,
if it really were of him. 1. That Mr. Fletcher
might be raised up. 2. That he might be brought
back to England. 3. That he would write to me
on the subject, before he saw me, though we had
been so many years asunder, without so much as
a message passing on any subject. 4. That he
would, in that letter, tell me it had been the
object of his thoughts and prayers for some years.
It came to my mind further, that should this
occur in the end of the year 1781, it would
be a still greater confirmation, as, Providence
seemed to point to me that season as a time of
hope.
We returned from Bath in the beginning of the
year 1778. I found crosses and troubles yet
awaited me. Mr. was still my partner,
and I was enabled to pay him and every creditor
the full interest of the money taken up; but not
to lessen the capital. Indeed, all along I was
able to answer every demand. We continued our
trade some time longer; but, at length, Mr.
found my fears were better grounded than his
hopes. Instead of a hundred pounds to put into
my lap (as he expected) each year toward the
debt, we found, on the strictest account of every
grain' of corn, pint of milk, or pound of butter,
either sold or used in the family, that the farm
did not pay its own way; though he had put many
things on a cheaper plan than before. The in¬
terest also swallowed up so great a part of my in-
130 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
come, that it was not possible to keep more than
half my family with what remained. As to the
kilns, I had neither money nor courage to work
them. I thought of many expedients. I strove,
I worked hard, I prayed; and at length proposed
to the members of my family to disperse, and
learn some little business, and I would allow each
what I could.
Great affliction now sat on every face. Tears
were shed in plenty. They alleged, Till you can
get rid of this place, you must live here. If you
leave it empty, the house will be spoiled, and that
will injure the sale; and we know not what to do,
nor how to turn. After being twenty years with
you, (said one,) how strange will a new situation
appear! And I, (said another,) after eighteen
years ! And after being twelve years together,
(said some others,) how hard it is to part! It
was a most painful time; and I saw there was no
way, but first to sell the place and then disperse.
But now a door seemed to open: a gentleman
sent me word that he would buy the place, stock,
lease, and all, together. He was a man both of
fortune and of honor, and really wished to help
me out of my difficulties. The price which he
offered would bring me through all, and leave me
a good income. Now I began to look up, and to
form a plan for my future life, how to settle my¬
self, and dispose of each member of my family.
I gave an account of every particular, and the
bargain was in part made. But, alas! our wisdom
is folly! He took a fever, and died in a few days.
To add to my difficulties, just at this time my
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 131
brother wrote me word that it would he throwing
away the Laytonstone estate to sell it with so long
a lease upon it; and that it could not-with any
propriety be done. I now saw but one way: to
advertise Cross Hall, and sell it for what I could;
and paying that away as far as it would go, strive
yearly to lessen the remaining part of the debt by
my income; reserving only fifty pounds per year
to live on, and out of it to help my friends. But
I recollected that I might not live long enough
thus to pay the debt by my income. I had still a
strong confidence in a promise given to me before
I went to Bath: that no one should lose any thing
by me; yet I thought it was required of me to do
every thing in my power toward it.
I then proposed to myself to keep only twenty
pounds per year. Nay, I thought, how can I
have a right even to twenty? Justice is before
mercy. They must all shift for themselves, and I
will do the same. I may perhaps find some little
business by which life may be sustained, till my
affairs take, a favorable turn. It is true, nobody
calls in their money, nor seems to have a fear con¬
cerning it; yet it is my duty to take the more
care for them, because of their confidence in me.
It may be supposed, as I-was daily striving fo
part with the place, and expecting to turn. out,
that my thoughts were frequently occupied on
what way of life I should choose, as most condu¬
cive to the glory of God; and during this season,
the Lord did teach me many lessons of poverty
and resignation. It seemed to me no manner of
life could be disagreeable, if I had but a prospect
132 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
of having no debts. One day, as I was standing
at a window musing on this subject, I saw a poor
man driving some asses laden with sand, by which
he gained his bread. As I looked on him, a spring
of satisfaction ran through my mind, and I thought,
I am perfectly willing to take up the business of
that man. If I preserve unsold one of the free¬
hold cottages, the asses might graze on the com¬
mon, and I could follow them with something to
sell. There were but few trades which my con¬
science would suffer me to follow; and my abili¬
ties were equal to still fewer. But to any thing
in the whole world would I turn, that was not
sinful, rather than remain in debt. I do not mean
that I decided to act thus; but so conformed was
my mind to poverty at this time, that the thought
of even that employment, as it now glanced through
it, gave me real pleasure. However open I had
been with my relations concerning my affairs hith¬
erto, I determined to conceal all personal wants;
for if I voluntarily gave up my income for the
payment of my debts, I did not see it to be just
to live on theirs; and this would not have been
difficult, as I had no relation that lived within two
hundred miles.
Sometimes it appeared to me quite clear that
Mr. Fletcher was the friend God would raise up
for me. He was now much recovered, and about
to return to England. However, I feared to lay
any stress on that; but while thinking on it, I re¬
ceived a letter from a friend, informing me that
Mr. Fletcher had settled abroad, and proposed to
see England no more. This was a false report
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 133
he never had such a thought; but as it came from
an intimate friend, I had reason to believe it.
Thus was I cut off from the prospect of any hu¬
man help! But I kept to my old word, "My
soul, wait thou upon God: from him cometh my
salvation."
My heart was much oppressed. I had not ad¬
vertised the place, because some advised me not,
saying it was the way rather to hurt the sale; nor
did any one so much as inquire after it, though
my mind was well known. |||could now only
stand still, for I knew not which way to go. Dur¬
ing this suspense, conversing one day with my
friend Mr. , he said, " Indeed I am at a loss
what to do for you. I thought to have helped
you greatly by the continuance of the farm; but,
alas! I wish I had suffered you to advertise and
sell it for any thing six years ago; and you then
could have done it. It is now too late. The
nation is engaged in wars: you would now sell it
for a trifle. I consulted some friends the other
day, who all agreed that, separate from the stock,
you must not expect above six hundred pounds
for the whole place. You a$e ruined, madam!
You withstand the order of God. My fortune is
enough for you and me. But you cannot see in
my light. May the Lord stand by you! But I
cannot think of a partnership any longer: the
blame would fall on me!"
It was now the summer of 1781. The seventh
of June in that year I entered into my fourteenth
year in Yorkshire. I had all along an impression
that about that season something would open.
12
134 LIFE or MRS. FLETCHER.
One day, as I was walking up a narrow lane which
had a stile at the top, 1 saw a flock of sheep be¬
fore me. The shepherd had hard work to drive
them on: they seemed determined to turn again.
I thought, well they may, for there is no gate, no
way through; what can he wish them to do? He
forced them along, however, with dogs and sticks.
I said in my mind, "These sheep ,are like me,
drove on in a narrow path, without any way to
get out." I followed at a distance, expecting
every moment they would turn back upon me—■
when all at once they began to run, and I dis¬
covered a new-made gate in a spacious field of
turnips. In a minute they were dispersed, and
fell to their full pasture with great delight. Faith
whispered to my heart, So shall, a door open be¬
fore you in the appointed time.
That passage of the Psalmist was much im¬
pressed on my mind at this time: "The rod of
the wicked shall not always remain in the lot of
the righteous, lest the righteous put forth his
hand to iniquity." And frequently those words
also came with power, The days shall be short¬
ened; by which rather thought some change
would take place in the beginning of the last
year of my two apprenticeships in Yorkshire.
And now the seventh of June came; and I was
almost constrained to say, Thou hast not delivered
thy people at all. There was no appearance of
any such thing: all was dark.
"All was with sable terror hung."
[I have continued the narrative unbroken
through this cloudy and dark day. All was con-
life of mrs. fletcher. 135
fliet respecting the creatures; hut the Lord tem¬
pered the evil with occasional intimations that
" Behind a frowning providence
He hid a smiling face."
Mrs. Fletcher was thus kept from "growing weary
in well-doing," and enabled to "believe in the
faithfulness of Him who knoweth the way,of the
righteous;" and who "in every temptation mak-
eth a way for their escape." The pious reader
will wish to know her walk with the Lord, during
this evil day. An extract from her journal will
give a clear view of this; and it will be seen, that
although this blessed woman was thus cast down,
she was not forsaken ; though perplexed, she was
not for a moment in despair; she still " looked,
•not at the things that are seen, and which are tem¬
poral, but at the things which are not seen, and
eternal." She felt her weakness; yea, her utter
helplessness; yet she was still confident. " She
stood still to see the salvation of God."—Ed.]
Sunday, December, 1772.—My health is yet
far from good. My head is much affected, and
it is often presented to my mind that I shall have
an apoplexy. It is a painful sensation. Sudden
death does not appear to me as pleasant. I seem
not to have my evidence clear for heaven.
" Lord, spare me a little, that I may recover my
strength before I go hence, and am no more
seen." My nerves are very weak, and I feel a
lowness which I think affects my mind as to spir¬
itual things; but I feel a determination, whether
weak or strong, to rise early, and to visit the
sick. Lord, give me to make the most of my
136 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
short time ! And 0, Jesus, give me power to keep
my mind always fixed on thyself!
January 16, 1773.—Waked early, and was
going to rise, but unprofitable thoughts crowded
into my mind. My distressing situation, as to out¬
ward things, seemed an intolerable burden, and
I was betrayed into thinking of useless plans and
schemes, how to avoid this (as I think) approach¬
ing ruin. Alas! with all my anxiety and care,
I can do nothing. All I strive for seems over¬
turned. 0 Lord, give me the power to keep
every thought stayed on thee ! This day I have
been a good deal hindered by company from walk¬
ing by my rules, and I see I ought to receive
every thing that occurs more immediately from
the hand of God.
January 17.—Being very poorly, and the wea¬
ther bad, I thought I would spend this day
quietly at home,. and set apart three hours for
solemn examination, and fresh dedication of my¬
self to God; and I found it good so to do. At
night I felt much recollection, and had freedom
in meeting the people.
January 21, Friday.—For a few days past I
have been enabled to keep in mind, That the
cross is my chosen portion. Much taken up to¬
day in domestic affairs, in which I found my mind
recollected. A good deal also with the poor and
sick, who came for advice. I seemed to be in
my own element. But when in a more public
way, I do not seem as much in my place. Com¬
pany does not agree with my soul.
January 25.—Rose early, but not having much
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 137
time for prayer, I was off my guard, and spoke
very unkindly to A. T. I have not been with
God much to-day j yet I seem to have had a cry
in my heart to him. At night I again gave way
to a hasty spirit. Alas! I seem to love to find
fault, and to oblige others to see in my light, and
so justify me. 0 how unlike that holy simplicity
I felt for a little while when at Hoxton !
February 2.—Since I wrote last, I trust I
have been in a growing frame. I went this day
to A . Had a good time in speaking from
those words, "0 Nebuchadnezzar, we are not care¬
ful to answer thee in this matter."
February 17.—This day, in reading Mr.
Fletcher's Fourth Check, I found my soul much
stirred up. 0 for the close walk with God
which he describes!
February 28.—It was this week laid on my
mind to go with Richard Taylor to A . I
set out with prayer. When we had rode a few
miles, the horse grew very ill. We stopped at a
public inn just out of the town. In a few minutes
a woman came in, who had observed us : she said,
" Here are two or three of us who are seeking the
Lord, just going to meet together at a house hard
by: pray will you come in ?" I answered, " If you
will let a few of the neighbors know that some
strangers are going to have a meeting, we will
come in for half an hour." In a short time sev¬
eral were gathered, and we had a comfortable sea¬
son with them. When the meeting was^con-
cluded, R. Taylor said, "If any of you who have
a larger house will open the door, we will spend
138 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
half an hour with you in the morning before we
set off." Several offered. The largest house
was fixed on, and in the morning we had a good
meeting, and much of the presence of God. About
ten we set out for the coal-pit at 11 . Here
I saw a little of what the Methodist preachers see
much, viz., deep poverty, dirt, and cold ; but the
Lord gave me freedom of speech, and some
seemed to have an ear to hear. Lord ! let me
not be a delicate disciple!
July 24.—For a long time I have been ill, from
the cold I caught at R , and my eyes being
bad from riding so many miles in a strong east
wind, I have been unfit for writing since. On the
29th of May I set out for Harrowgate, where I
was advised to go to drink the waters. We got
in on Saturday night. The next day we were
afflicted with hearing the Sabbath greatly pro¬
faned both in the house and in the street. Fin¬
der my window were a company of men playing
at horseshoe. It seemed a heathen country in¬
deed. We reproved them, and never observed
the Sabbath so broke again while we stayed. On
Monday I began tbe waters, and thought, If it
does not please the Lord that I should get good
for my body, I will strive to get good for my soul.
I will give myself up to prayer and reading. I
have no opportunity here to act for the souls of
others. I had nearness to God; but a great
weight rested on my mind. There were no
lodgings but at the great inns, and ours was full
of ungodly company. They all ate at one table;
but this I could not bear -} therefore I got a bit
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 139
in my own room when they had done. However,
their talking, swearing, laughing,, and music, I
was forced to hear all day long. Sometimes a
strange impression came on my mind, that I
should be called to bear my testimony for God to
all the company that were there; but the pain
that it brought with it was exquisite.
After a few days, I was asked to go to Pan-
nel, (about a mile from Harrowgate,) in order to
hold a meeting at the house of a poor woman,
who had taken the preachers in once or twice; at
which I found many had been offended, and
threatened much, so that I did not know what
sort of treatment I was likely to meet with.
Nevertheless, I did not dare to refuse. We had
a profitable time, and all was quiet. Two days
after, I heard that some of the chief opposers
were much affected. Glory be to God ! While
we were holding the meeting, a drunken man
came by, and stopped awhile; then went on to
the inn where I lodged, and told some of the gen¬
tlemen that the lady who lived up stairs was
preaching at Pannel. He repeated also some of
the words he had heard me speak. When we
came home they watched us in, and my maid
(who was a pious young woman) going into the
kitchen, they flocked about her, asking, in many
questions, what her mistress had been doing at
Pannel ?
The following Sunday the company sent me a
message up stairs,—" That they unanimously re¬
quested I would have such a meeting with them
in the great ball-room." This was a trial indeed!
140 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
It appeared to me, I should^ seem in their eyes as
a bad woman, or a stage-player; and I feared
they only sought an opportunity to behave rudely.
Yet I considered, I shall see these people no more
till I see them at the judgment-seat of Christ.
And shall it then be said to me, "You might
that day have warned us, but you would not I
answered them immediately, That I would wait
on them at the time appointed. They behaved
very well, and the presence of the Lord was with
us. The folbwing Sunday they made the same
request. Much more company came in, even
from High Harrowgate; but the Lord bore me
through; and, glory be to him, we had some
fruit. The next day I returned home, better in
health, and comfortable in mind. All praise be
to the Lord !
Sunday, Oct. 17.—Reflecting on the condition
of Israel at the Red Sea, I thought, There is the
picture of my situation. I also then will "stand
still and see the salvation of G-od. Thy will be
done Yes, my adorable Lord, strip me of every
penny; bring me not only to poverty, but what I
far more dread, to insolvency. Yes ! strip me
even of reputation; let me be as the "filth and
offscouring of all thingsonly let me have thy
approval, and all shall be well. Yes, I will praise
thee for all, and most for the severe.
Oct. 18.—Finding the family (which now con¬
sisted of men and women, boys and girls) much
laid on my mind; in. particular the children,
some of the biggest of whom seemed getting into
snares; and considering that several must soon
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
141
(because of my cireumstances) be tbrust out into
tbe world, I spent some time in pleading with the
Lord that he would not let the expense and la¬
bor which had been laid out on these orphans be
all in vain, but that they might be truly brought
to God; though I saw we must be dispersed,
through the losses and trials which are come upon
me. The Bible lay open before me, and I cast
my eyes on those words, which were applied with
power to my heart: "Yet, behold, there shall be
a remnant that shall be brought forth, both sons
and daughters;—behold, they shall come forth
unto thee, and thou shalt see their ways and
their doings; and ye shall be comforted concern¬
ing the evil I have brought on Jerusalem. And
they shall comfort you when you shall see their
ways and their doings; and ye shall know that I
have not done without cause all that I have done,
saith the Lord."
Saturday, Nov. 6.—I have received some up¬
braiding letters, asking me if I yet believed I
should see those words fulfilled, " I will restore to
you the ears the locusts have eaten." In the
midst of my trials, it is sometimes presented to
my mind, Perhaps the Lord will draw me out of
all this by marriage. Opportunities of this kind
occur frequently; but no sooner do I hear the
offer, but a clear light seems to shine on my
mind, as with this voice: You will neither be
holier nor happier with this man. But I find
Mr. Fletcher sometimes brought before me, and
the same conviction does not intervene. His
142 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
eminent piety, and the remembrance of some little
acts of friendship in our first acquaintance, look
to me sometimes like a pointing of the finger of
Providence. And yet I fear lest it should be a
trick of Satan to hurt my mind. I know not
even that we shall see each other on this side
eternity. Lord, let me not be drawn into a snare!
Well, this I resolve on, to strive against the
thought; and never to do the least thing toward
a renewal of our correspondence. No—I will fix
my eye on the hundred forty and four thousand :
praying only to live and die to God alone. What¬
ever is the will of God, I believe he will show it
to me, and may his holy will be done. A few
nights ago, as my mind was burdened lest Satan
was about to get an advantage over me, I cried to
the Lord, and felt much sorrow. In order to
compose my mind, (I did what I seldom do,) I
prayed the Lord to direct me in opening to some
passage of Scripture which might draw me to
himself, and compose me into a quiet frame. I took
up, as I thought, a little Bible which lay before
me, but (by accident) one of the maids had put
her small Common Prayer-book in the place.
With prayer I opened it, and cast my eyes on
these words : "Almighty God, who at the begin¬
ning did create our first parents, Adam and Eve,
and did sanctify and join them together in mar¬
riage, pour upon you the riches of his grace,
sanctify and bless you, that you may please him
both in body and soul, and live together in holy
love unto your lives' end." I was struck with
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 148
the words; but saw the safest way was a quiet
attention to the will of my God, on whifih I strove
to lean my weary spirit.
Monday, November 8.—My mind is this morn¬
ing affected in a solemn manner. It seems to
me I have yet more of the cross to expect, and
more bitter cups to drink. 0 my Lord, what
breaking do I need ! Well, do all thy will, so I
may but feel that promise accomplished, Thou
shalt walk with me in white. Last night I went
to bed recollected, and in the spirit of prayer, but
had a dream which I cannot understand, though
I believe it to be from God. Perhaps what I
know not now I may know hereafter. I thought
I was in a room with S. C., A. T., and some
others. Mr. Fletcher was there, sitting with us,
and speaking of the things relating to a walk with
God. At last he said, as it were abruptly, " I
must go to Bristol: will any of you go with me?"
A woman who sat by him said, " No, not for the
world. You know not what you will have to
suffer: the devil walks there, and you will have
all the powers of hell to grapple with." Hq re¬
plied, " I care not for ten thousand devils, for the
name of Jesus will conquer them all!" He then,
turning to me, said, u Will you go with me ? Not
to help me to fight, but to help me to praise." I
replied, "I will go; for while we trust in Jesus,
all the powers of hell cannot harm us." I had
no remembrance during my dream of his being a
single man, or any thing that had passed in my
mind before. In all I said and did, I seemed
acted upon by another spirit rather than my own.
144
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
November 15.—In reading Mr. Eliott's Life
this day, I received a fresh conviction how blessed
an employment it is to receive and comfort the
messengers of the Lord, who. have left their
houses, and all the conveniences of life, to preach
the gospel. Giod hath given me a home, though
Christ had not where to lay his head; and here I
have the honor and privilege of giving a cup of
water to his prophets. Lord, teach me to do it
with more diligence!
December 2.—This day; as brother Bramah
was meeting my band, he related an anecdote of
a young man, which was blessed to me. He was
leader of a band of young men, all desirous of
giving their whole hearts to God ; but it seemed
to them they could not see the way clearly. One
night he dreamed he was at the bottom of a deep
but dry well, with his little company. He told
them if they remained there they must perish,
and exhorted them to strive hard to get out.
Accordingly, they exerted all their strength,
endeavoring to get up, but all in vain. At last
they were quite discouraged, and said, "What
must we do ?" " Truly," said he, " I know not;"
but looking up, he saw in the sky a little bright
spot which did not appear larger than half a
crown. He looked at it for some time, when
feeling himself move, he looked down into the
well, and found to his surprise he was risen some
feet from the bottom. As soon, however, as he
looked down he began to sink again. " O," said
he, " now I have found the way out of the well!
It is by looking steadily on yonder bright spot
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 145
on which fixing his eye, hd was brought up in a
short time, and his feet were set on firm ground.
This discovery of the way of faith was greatly
blessed both to him and hig brethren. I am con¬
vinced, could I thus constantly look to Jesus as
the author and finisher of my faith, the work of
sanctification would be going on without hin¬
drance.
December 17.—Last Friday I went to Leeds to
meet some classes. 0 how much do I suffer for
every meeting I propose ! The enemy follows me
hard with such buffeting fears and discourage¬
ments as I cannot express. However, I deter¬
mined to go, and leave the event to God. At
Mrs. C.'s many came in to tea, and being a mixed
company, I thought, Lord, give me something
profitable to say, or keep me silent; and, blessed
be God, it was a profitable time. After tea I con¬
versed alone with one in deep distress ; and read,
in the providences she mentioned, a wonderful
display of the wisdom, condescension, and guard¬
ian care of the Lord Jesus. When I returned
into the dining-room, a large class was ready for
me, and the Lord was very present. Glory be to
his name, he never fails his poor unworthy dust!
Then Mrs. Clapham asked me if my strength
would hold out to meet the children. I assented,
and also found some liberty. Immediately I
began the second class, and there I found the
Lord was very good indeed; but my strength
almost failed. After the people were gone, I
talked closely with Mr. H.: I trust, not quite in
vain. It being now late, we got a little supper,
13
146 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
and went to bed. I had but little rest, being
very feverish. Indeed I am seldom well in a town.
Next day we visited several in peculiar states and
circumstances, and here also I saw the Lord's hand.
In the afternoon I returned home in peace.
December 20.—This was on the whole a good
day. Taking some time in the Hermitage, my
soul was refreshed. My situation is perplexing;
but I feel myself calmly fixed on the will of God.
I can, I do, believe he will not let me take any
step that is not for his glory. And if I dp not
get out of his order, I care for nothing else.
December 30.—Waked early, and after losing
some time, (though kept from unprofitable
thoughts,) I arose about five, and was blessed in
prayer, but afterward found myself very stupid,
dull, and heavy. I went to see some sick people,
and their words were animating. I was humble
while they recorded several meetings in which
my words had been blessed to them. 0 my God,
let me not help others into liberty, and myself
remain in bondage. I heard also to-day of some
in Leeds that were brought into a fuller measure
of love—and that they had been blessed ever
since my being there. Ah ! Lord, how will this
rise against me if I am not filled with thee ! On
all sides I hear of my words being blessed, and
yet I am only a poor pipe through which it
passes. Lord, let me never rest till I have full
redemption in thy blood. Sometimes all my soul
is on the stretch; but then I rest again, and
other cares my heart divide. How long, O
Lord, how long!
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 147
January 1, 1774.—And do I yet see another
year? Lord, with what improvement? Shine
on my soul, while I examine for an answer.
Blessed be thy name! I have more faith than
last year, I have more power, and my mouth is
more open to speak for thee. I am more deeply
convinced of my vileness, which is such as none
can conceive. I am also more on stretch for
holiness.
January 15, Friday night.—This day I set
apart as a fast. All the morning I was tossed
much with thoughts of temporal difficulties, R.
T. being quite unwilling to come into any scheme
I can propose. In the afternoon I found more
liberty in prayer: I was as in an agony. I said,
^•Lord, if it can be consistent with thy justice to
make such(a sinner as I entirely holy, do it! Bo
it for thy name's sake! Give me once more what
thou gavest me at Hoxton. Bo it, Lord! in thine
own way; I submit myself to any condition; only
make and keep me holy." My life seemed as if
it would go from me, and my hands were so
strained by the grasp, (which I afterward found
they had of each other,) that I could hardly use
them for some time. But I did not gain the
blessing I wanted.
February 6.—Blessed be my adorable Saviour,
I am kept from all condemnation. I feel I am so
born of God, I do not commit sin. But I have
not that liberty of soul, that close communion
which I want, and believe to be my privilege.
0 my Saviour, shine more clearly! Let me fully
enter into the good land!
148 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
Saturday, February 19.—Glory be to God, I
have been kept in peace this week, and my soul
seems nearer to God. Yet I do not seem to have
got "salvation appointed for walls and bulwarks:"
I am but a little child. But, "Lord, I am thine,
save me." As to my outward affairs, they are
not now such a weight: I have cast them on the
Lord, and I embrace his will. He, without whom
"a sparrow does not fall to the ground," will not
leave nor forsake his poor helpless creature.
Monday, 22.—Yesterday was a day of trial.
Mr. preached at Morley, and then came
here. He really grows in grace, and his word is
attended with power. I was much pained in
conversing with him to see the grief of mind oc¬
casioned by his attachment. 0 my God, indulge
me in this! Show me some way out of this em¬
barrassment.
Saturday, 27.—A solemn day to my soul. I
was kept in peace while busy in domestic affairs.
Home always agrees with my soul. It is seven
weeks to-morrow since I have been constantly
kept as the clay before the potter; yet still how
far below my privileges I live!
Sunday, September 26.—I did not rise quite
in so spiritual a frame as I wished. Lord, let me
not lose ground. I was blessed in the meeting
afterward; and in reading the Essay on Truth, in
Mr. Fletcher's Equal Check, page 162. Lord,
give me to live in that constant act of faith! It
is the very marrow of the gospel. How delight¬
fully it is distinguished from Antinomian pre¬
sumption! It has of a truth been food to my
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
149
soul. In prayer this night I found power to lay
open all my troubles before the Lord, and to take
fast hold on that word, "Seek ye first the king¬
dom of God and his righteousness, and all these
things shall be added unto you." I cannot tell
how to express the power I felt in those words,
All these things! I saw Jesus had undertaken
iny whole cause.
December.—I feel my faith rather increased.
I have this day been examining the state of my
soul as to the progress I have made this year, and
inquiring of the Lord why I do not grow much
faster, and sink into a much deeper acquaintance
with God. It appears to me that the reason is, I
do not valiantly resist every thought that presents
itself, but suffer my eyes to be turned off from my
Saviour. In particular, I lose much time in
searching for ways out of my present trials. It
seems often a duty to do so; and my mind is car¬
ried away, till recalled by that word, " Thou canst
not make one hair white or black."
February 1, 1775.—I was much blessed at the
Wednesday meeting. For some time these words
have been with me, "Delight thyself in the Lord,
and he will give thee the desire of thy heart."
February 28.—I fear my soul has lost ground
this month. 0 what a narrow path do we tread!
How true also is that word, Without me ye can
do nothing I In the beginning of this month I
wrote that precious word, Delight thyself in the
Lord; but, alas! instead of delight, I feel sorrow
of heart! A little time since, I had a particular
trial with . What was proposed seemed
13*
150 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
hard and unreasonable; and I forgot the Christian
motto, "Do good, and suffer ill." I got my eye
turned off from Jesus, and then I no longer felt
the love that never faileth. This deeply wounded
me. At night I felt a drop of healing balm, but
my spirit remains to this day much discouraged.
j\lay.—J am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. My
affairs are perplexing indeed! Yet something
seems to say, It is for an appointed time. But
all this I should not regard, if my soul was always
filled with love. I sometimes seem to get all ob^
stacles removed, and then I reflect the image of
my Saviour, and all is quiet, calm, and peace.
Bloods of trial do not seem to move me. But
though .1 thus taste of the pure river now and
then, I do not abide in the faith, and therefore I
do not abide in liberty.
May 28.—This day I set apart for prayer, to
inquire of the Lord why I am so held in bondage
about speaking in public. It cannot be expressed
what I suffer: it is known only to God what trials
I go through in that respect. Lord, give me more
humility, and then I shall not care for any thing
but thee! There are a variety of reasons why it
is such a cross. The other day one told me, "He
was sure I mustv be an impudent woman; no
modest woman, he was sure, could pi'oceed thus."
Ah! how glad would nature be to find out, Thou,
Lord, dost not require it! Mr. William Bramah
observed to day, "The reason why your witness
is not more clear, is because you do not glorify
God by believing, and more freely declaring what
he hath done for your soul." He spake much on
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 151
these words, " What things soever ye ask in prayer,
believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have
them." His words came with power, and my soul
got a further hold, on Jesus. I do see that by
his death he hath purchased perfect salvation for
all who believe; and that we receive it in propor¬
tion as we thus believe. "Be it unto you accord¬
ing to your faith," is the word of the Lord. Then
I will, I do cast my whole soul on thee! 0 let
me find salvation as walls and bulwarks!
September 10, Sunday.—I rose this morning
with a sore weight on my mind. It was given
out for me to be at D . There was much
wind and rain, and the roads were very bad. I
feared the journey. 'I feared also I should have
nothing to say when I came there: I feared all
manner of things. Those words, however, came
to my mind, " Take no thought what ye shall say."
I then felt myself led to consider these words:
"Repent! for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."
I found some liberty in speaking from them, and
the people were affected. As I was riding back,
I clearly saw I was called to stand still; to live
the present moment, and always to praise the
Lord that his will was done, though I might
have much to suffer. I had a clear conviction
God brought me to Yorkshire, and that I had a
message to this people; and that, notwithstanding
the darkness which hung over my situation, I was
at present where God would have me. Well then,
answered my heart, if I am but in his will, I am
safe; for where the Lord leads me, there he will
be my light.
152 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
September 12, Tuesday.—This day I am thirty-
sis years old. I have been, throughout the day,-
kept in the spirit of prayer. Lord, I offer up my¬
self, body and soul, to thee! It came to me, Thy
captivity is long. Well, I will wait thy time, 0
Lord!
"November 5, Sunday.—Did not rise early, but
was kept recollected. In the morning I was
watchful as to words, but at noon I talked too
long with A. T. -That is an admirable rule of
Mr. Wesley's, never to be more than an hour in
the same company, where it can be avoided. I
also spoke some evil of M. M. by repeating what
was not needful. 0, when shall I know what
that meaneth, " He that offendeth not in word,
the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle
the whole body."
November 12, Sunday.—Went to bed late last
night, but in a degree recollected, though rather
hurried with fear lest I should lie too long in the
morning. When I rose, I found the weather was
very severe. However, I went to A . The
exti'eme cold almost took away my senses. Yet
we had a comfortable meeting, and many people.
January 5,1776.—I find it very hard to be re¬
collected in private prayer. To-day I tried the
following plan with some advantage. I placed
my watch on the bed, that I might know when
the hour was out. I first strove to consider my¬
self as in the presence of God—as before the
throne, worshipping with the heavenly host. Then
I strove with recollection to repeat the Lord's
Prayer, giving each sentence full scope in my mind.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
153
In the words, Our Father, I felt a powerful re¬
membrance of Him "after whom the whole fam¬
ily in heaven and earth is named," and with de¬
light I then repeated, Hallowed be thy name!
That sentence, Thy kingdom come, was much
opened to my soul. I see that kingdom is the
great promise of the Father, which Christ said he
would send upon his children. That indeed is
" the kingdom which .suffers violence, and the
violent take it by force." As I repeated, Thy
will be done on earth as it is in heaven, I felt
" The will of God sure defence,
Nor earth nor hell can pluck me thence."
G-ive us this day our daily bread. Is he not our
own Father ? Is he not engaged to provide for
his babes ? Well then, thought I, freedom from
debt is more to me than bread, and will he not
preserve me from this I It was then brought to
my mind, ((The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not
want." In the next petition, Forgive me as I
forgive, 0 ! what a cry did I feel for more love !
Lord, must I say,
" That mercy I to others show,
That mercy show to me 1"
Ah no ! I will -rather cry out,
" Mercy, good Lord! mercy 1 ask,
It is the total sum ;
For mercy, Lord, is all my plea,
0 let thy mercy come 1"
"With what measure ye mete, it shall be
measured to you again !" 0 how would that cut
me off from all hope, were it not for those words,
151 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
" The blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin !"
Lead us not into temptation. How hath this
prayer been answered to me! How would I
have run into ruin, but thou didst not suffer the
temptation to approach. Thou didst keep my
powers as with bit and bridle, and conquered for
me ; and that when I did not strive, or even know
my danger. But deliver us from evil. Lord, I
am a desolate woman, who hath no helper but
thee. 0 keep me from evil of every kind:
" thoroughly purge away my dross, and take away
all my tin." For all is thine for ever and ever.
This I am assured of: when the soul turns in¬
ward to seek the Lord, that moment he turns to
it and smiles upon it; and if it abide with him,
it will always grow. But as of a healthy child,
one does not see it grow, and yet it doth: so the
soul, surrounded by temptation, may not discover
its growth; nevertheless, the sun does not more
freely give its light and warmth to the earth, than
the beams of the immaterial Sun meet the seeking
soul.
January 21.—I went to-day to see some sick
among whom was the mother of a young man
who, about four years ago, came to our Sunday
night's meeting. It pleased the Lord to awaken
him, and soon after he died happy. On his
death-bed he entreated his mother and sister that
they would attend the meetings as he had done.
Some time after, the eldest sister came to me for
advice among the other patients. Conversing
with her, I perceived she had some convictions,
and invited her to meet with a few persons whom
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 155
I had collected. She did so, and seemed to drink
in instruction as the parched ground the soften¬
ing shower. After a few weeks she was set at
liberty. She was now desirous her mother might
share in her felicity. She begged me to visit her,
as she was too infirm to come out. Accordingly
I went, but found her so ignorant, and so exceed¬
ingly weak as to her understanding, that it seemed
almost impossible to do her any good. After
some time, she appeared under some concern;
and her complaint then was, to use her own
words, "0 that I could but get a smile from
God !" Her convictions continued to increase,
and she would cry, " © what shall I do ? Shall
I never be saved ? 0 how easily did Betty come
to it, while I cannot get one smile, not one look
from God! The face of the Almighty is all dark
to me, as dark as darkness itself." The Lord was
then pleased to lay her on a sick-bed, in a very
painful disorder. Finding nothing gave her any
relief, and believing she must die, she was in
great distress, and said to her daughter, "My
dear, my pain is greater than I can bear! I
cannot live over this night. I pray thee go to
mistress, and see if she can order me something."
" 0 mother," said she, " I know not how to go,
we have had so much in former illnesses. I fear it
will seem as if we were imposing on her: let me
go to the doctor again !" The old woman lying
in great distress,.at length cried out, "Thou wilt
order me a medicine, Lord! I can believe thou
wilt. But shall I have no share in thy glory ?"
Then, as she expressed it, " It went through my
156 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
mind with power, <1 will have mercy on thee ! I
will receive thee at the eleventh hour!' 0 what
did I then feel! Such comfort came over me as
I can never tell. I did not mind the pain :• I
believed it would be removed. But my soul! 0
what a change did "it feel! Why, the dark face
of God was all light! I thought before that he
hated me for my sins; but now I saw he loved me.
Yes, I saw he had loved me all my life, and had
been inviting me to come to him; but I did not
understand. And now, 0 ! how I love him ! Yes,
I love my God better than I ever loved my best
bairn [child.] 0 it is a brave thing ! And what
a change it makes! Why, one is quite a new
creature ! And it has made me see things quite
different from what I did before. I used to chafe
and fret when any thing went wrong, and
thought things were very hard; but now I see
nothing is hard : all is love. So I never do com¬
plain now."*
Her daughter came to me, and told me (as
well as she could) how her mother was; but her
disorder was so peculiar, and so badly described,
that I was on the point of saying, I cannot do
* As it was in the days of the personal ministry of the Son of
God, so it is in these his Spirit's gospel days: "He hides those
things from the wise and prudent, and revealeth them unto babes—
the weary and heavy laden, who believe." Matt. xi. 25-30. How
easy it is to forget this! How hard to keep it in remembrance, and
to allow it its due weight! Did ever any man, since the days of St.
Paul, more fully, or more constantly, appreciate this than Mr.
Wesley! It was the principle that governed and directed his whole
life and labors; and on which account he denominated the fruit of
those labors, " The work of God"—a work which he began, sup¬
ported, and prospered; and in respect to which Mr. Wesley,
notwithstanding his unparalleled activity, always considered him¬
self as a mere passive instrument.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 157
any thing for her, when all at once a mixture came
into my mind. I went and made it up. The
first spoonful gave her ease; and soon after quite
removed the disorder. All I can say on this
extraordinary case is, the Lord would have it so.
The medicine was not an opiate, but in itself a
very simple thing; but when the Lord will bless,
who shall stay his hand ? Thou art a God who
hears and answers prayer.
January 30.—Last night I met the classes at
A . Much of the power of the Lord was
present. But, 0 ! I am not what I would be,
Lord ! How is it I seem to get so slowly forward ?
This morning I rose Harly, and found it good.
Self-denial agrees with my soul, but I use too
little of it.
February 4.—Last Wednesday I had a remarka¬
ble preservation. Going to take my bark mix¬
ture, my mind being much taken up with what
I had been writing, I took a bottle of laudanum,
which through a strange providence was not then
locked up, a circumstance which seldom happens.
I took four teaspoonfuls and a half of it. As
soon as I had swallowed it, I perceived what it
was; and thought I must take a large dose of
ipecacuanha. I looked for it, but could not find
it, though it stood very near me. I knew my
life depended on the present moment; and
thought, perhaps the Lord has appointed to take
me this way. I found my mind calmly stayed on
God, and those words came across it, " These
signs shall follow those that believe : if they drink
any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them." I
14
158 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
went into Mrs. Crosby's room, and told^ them
what had happened. Having medicines in the
parlor, we went down to look there for the ipeca¬
cuanha, but there was none. We returned to my
room and found it. I took about thirty grains.
We then joined in prayer. For half an hour it
had no effect. I thought it would then have no
power, as the opiate must in that time have taken
hold of the nerves of the stomach. But it soon
after operated, and brought up (it seems) both
the laudanum and ipecacuanha. Fearing the
whole had not come away, they gave me another
dose; but that had no effect at all. I felt,
however, not the least inconvenience. In the
night, I a little rambled, and was restless, but not
ill. On the whole, it was a comfortable dispen¬
sation. I had been always tempted to think, if
I should be called to face death in full health, I
should shrink from it. But now that I fully
believed it to be just before me, my soul did
calmly wait on the Lord, though not with joy, yet
with quiet peace!
Last night I dreamed I was telling the Lord
he was the loadstone, and my soul the needle.
That his will was the north pole, to which my
heart should turn, however tossed about. To-day
Miss Ritchie came. I. have had some profitable
conversation with her. She is indeed a blessed
soul; and I feel more of the immediate presence
of God since that conversation.
May 5.—I had a meeting some days ago at
B , where an odd circumstance occurred. I
observed (as I was speaking on these words, The
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 159
Master is come, and calleth for thee) a gentle¬
man among the congregation who looked with
great earnestness. As soon as the meeting was"
over, I rode home, where I had not long been till
this man came after me. He is a stranger, and
came into these parts about business. He felt a
great alarm in his soul; and declared he had al¬
ways before thought himself very righteous; but
he now feared he should go to hell ; and insisted
on telling me his whole life, and confessing (as
he termed it) all his sins. He was very long;
and I feared there was in his mind a mixture of
insanity. He told me he was building a house
for an assembly, but he would go home, and turn
it into a preaching house, if I would, come and
speak in it, that his neighbors might get the
light he had got. I strove to prevail on him to
return to the friend's house from whence he
came, and to set off the next morning for his own
country, where he told me he had a good Wife
and family; but he insisted he would not leave
me till he had found the Lord! At length he
said he felt some comfort, and would go and
spend most of the night in prayer. Next morn¬
ing he was more calm; and on my promising to
answer him if he wrote to me, he went away.
Satan made use of this occurrence to bring me
into discouragement respecting public speaking;
but some years after, I heard a most pleasing ac¬
count of this gentleman, that he had indeed
turned his assembly into a Methodist preaching
house, and that himself and family were joined
to the society.
160 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
June 11, Tuesday.— Mrs. Westerman came
here on the Thursday before Whitsunday, and
stayed ten days. She came in full expectation
of a blessing; and in the Sunday night meeting,
as I was in the last prayer, I felt it on my mind
to plead with the Lord that he would seal some
soul as his abode that night. Just then the an¬
swer came. She felt the heart of stone taken
away, and has ever since rejoiced with exceeding
joy. Tuesday I went to B . When we
came, we found the man at whose house we were
to have been, died that morning. Another offered
his barn, though with seeming fear; but when
we came to the house, he either could not or
would not find the key. So we stood in an open
place, with some serious people from other parts,
and some of the careless inhabitants. However,
all behaved well, and I found liberty in enfor¬
cing these words, "Acquaint now thyself with
Grod, and be at peace : thereby good shall come
unto thee."
July 20.—This day I found a good deal of lib¬
erty in prayer, especially in pleading, " If it be
thy will I should be holy,—if it be the great
design of thy death,—0, then, let it all be an¬
swered on thy poor creature ! Let all thy will be
done!" It seems to me I fall short in every
thing. I am continually making rules and plans,
and yet I keep to none with any degree of exact¬
ness. Nevertheless, I see it well to make them;
for though I never come up to what I propose,
yet I always gain something: every fresh effort
seems to put me a little forward. I have of late
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
161
been reading Dr. Cheyne's works: I see self-de¬
nial very beautiful, and of profit both for soul
and body.
July 24.—H. S. gave a good account of the
work wrought on her soul. I think it is about
three months ago I providentially met with her
in a class, which I went to meet about a mile
from home. She appeared that night all ear, and
quite awakened to the desire of loving God with
all her heart. I felt much liberty in conversing
with' her, and asked her to come to the meeting,
which she did the first opportunity, and seemed
quite broken down; expressing herself in such
a manner concerning her inbred sin, as plainly
showed the Lord had plucked away every cover¬
ing. While we were at prayer, she felt a degree
of living faith; and last night she gave the fol¬
lowing account: "After I left you I was very
happy. I went to bed, wondering at the great
miracle Jesus had wrought in saving such a sin¬
ner. When I awoke in the morning, (0, what a
precious morning to me !) I had an impression as
if my dear Lord stood just by me, and said, 'I
will cause all my goodness to pass before thee.'
I cried out, ' 0, it is thee, my Lord !' Then the
words came to me, ' I have set thee as a signet
upon mine arm, as a seal upon my heart. Thy
sun shall no more go down. I will be thine
everlasting light, and thy God, thy glory.' 0,
what rapture did I feel, and so I do still! He is
all day long speaking so sweetly to me, and I
have such views of his glorious love as I cannot
express. 0, never sure did the Lord do such a
14*
162 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
miracle ! For I do believe there never was such
a vile polluted creature as I have been I"*
August 30.—Yesterday it was given out for
me to be at . For a whole month it lay on
my mind. None, 0 my God, but thyself, knows
what I go through for every public meeting! I
am often quite ill with the prospect. "When the
day came, the wind was violent, which is a thing
I have a great fear of, because it so affects my
head; for after riding several miles in it, I am
scarcely in my senses. And I suppose it is worse
to me, not having been used to ride on horseback
till I came into Yorkshire. A little before 1 set
out, I said, "0 Lord, thou canst still the wind;
but thy will be done." When we had got about a
hundred yards from the house, the wind fell, and
we had no more trouble from it all the way.
My hearing was much affected at this time, so
that I feared I should not be able to converse
with any person. But before I got to the place,
my hearing was as good as ever it was in my life,
and I was not at all fatigued! There were many
persons got together; and after spending about
two hours with them, the time for the meeting
drew on. We went to a barn prepared for that
purpose by the kind friend who had invited us.
There was a good congregation; and I found
some enlargement in speaking on those words
which came then to my mind, " Hath the Lord
as much delight in sacrifices and burnt-offerings
* There are ten thousand happy believers that would dispute
that point with her.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 163
as in obeying the voice of the Lord ? Behold, to
obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken
than the fat of rams." As I was speaking on the
word hearken, 1 felt the Lord peculiarly present.
The people would fain have had me stay all
night; but for some reasons I thought it better to
return : which we immediately did, and reached
home a little before eleven.
September 7, -Tuesday.—Glory be to God!
this has been a comfortable day. My soul is
sweet in expectation that I shall be filled with
the Spirit; and that I shall yet see the time
when by my whole life I shall bring glory to God.
I feel power to abandon my whole cause into his
hand. 0 Lord, thou hast undertaken for me; I
feel thou hast; I feel also great resignation as to
the life or death of thy dear servant. 0 keep
him, Lord, as the apple of thine eye. I believe
thou wilt order all right; and I shall regard him
with an immortal friendship, that will be free
from snares, and all divine. But it is strange,
when I am offering him up, the words come,
" The prayer of faith shall heal the sick, and the
Lord shall raise him up." I do not understand,
but I " stand still."
September 14.—Yesterday I was a good deal op¬
pressed. I had undertaken to meet the old mem¬
bers of our society apart, and to propose to them a
renewal of our covenant: to set our hearts and
hands afresh to the work of God. Glory be to
his name, I was carried better through it than I
could have hoped for. Some little touches of en¬
thusiasm were beginning to creep in among us,
164 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
which I thought the more dangerous, as the meet¬
ing now grows very numerous, members being
added from all sides. Yet was it a great trial for
me to have to reprove them,—1. Because many
are much further advanced in grace than I am.
2. I was deeply conscious it is one of the most-
delicate subjects in the world, and requires both
much wisdom and much love to extinguish false
fire, and yet to keep up the true. All the day I
kept pleading before the Lord, mostly in these
words of Solomon,—"Ah! Lord, how shall I,
who am but a child, go in and out before this thy
chosen people ?"
September 17, Tuesday.—Glory be to thee, my
faithful Lord! 0 that I could always trust!
Then I should always praise ! Last Sabbath
morning I went, according to appointment, to
Goker. I arose early, and in pretty good health.
The day was fine, though rather hot. About
eleven we came to Huddersfield, and called on
Mrs. H. She had asked me to lodge there on
my return, and have a meeting, saying many had
long desired it, and there would be no preaching
there on that day. I felt immediately the peo¬
ple laid on my mind, and that I had a message
to that place; and said, If the Lord permit, I
will. She then said, "We will give it out at
noon." We rode forward. Benjamin Cock met
us, and kindly conducted us over the moors.
When we came to his hut, all was clean, and vic¬
tuals enough provided for twenty men. But I
was so heated with the ride, (near twenty miles,)
and with the great fire on which they so liberally
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 165
cooked for us, that I could not eat. My drink¬
ing nothing but water seemed also quite to distress
them. They said the meeting had been given
out in many places, and they believed we should
have between two and three thousand people.
That I did not believe; but there was indeed such
a number, and of such a rabble as I scarce ever
saw. At one we went out to the rocks, a place
so wild I cannot- describe it. The crowd which
got around us was so great, that by striving which
should get first to the quarry, (where we were to
meet,) they rolled down great stones among the
people below us, so that we feared mischief would
be done. Blessed be God, none were hurt! I
passed on among them on the top of the hill, not
knowing whither I went. Twice I was pushed
down by the crowd, but rose without being tram¬
pled on. We stopped on the edge of a spacious
quarry filled with people, who were tolerably
quiet I gave out that hymn, " The Lord my
pasture shall prepare," etc. When they were a
little settled, I found some liberty in speaking to
them • and I believe most heard. As we returned
into the house, numbers followed, and filled it so
full we could not stir. I conversed with them,
but could not get much answer. They stood like
people in amaze, and seemed as if they could
never have enough. Many wept, and said,
" When will you come again ?" We then set
off for Huddersfield. I felt very much fatigued,
and began to think, How shall I be able to fulfil
my word there ? As we rode along, brother Tay¬
lor said, " I think I ought to tell ydu my mind.
166 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I wish we could ride through Huddersfield, and
not stop; for I know there are some there who
do not like women to speak among them, and I
fear you will meet with something disagreeable."
I looked to the Lord, and received, as it seemed
to me, the following direction: If I have a word
to speak from him, he will make my way. If
not, the door will be shut. I am only to show
the meekness of wisdom, and leave all to God.
These words then came with power to my
mind,—
"The Lord my pasture shall prepare,
And feed me with a shepherd's care:
His presence shall my wants supply,
And guard me with a watchful eye:
My noonday walks he shall attend,
And all my midnight hours defend."
When we got to Huddersfield, I told them the
conversation we had had by the way, and the pos¬
ture of my mind, which was calm as the limpid
stream, and quiet as an infant. I perceived his
fears were not groundless, and said, "Well, my
friends, I will do as you will—either stay with you
this night, or go forward directly, for I follow a
lamblike Lord, and I would imitate his life and
spirit." They said they believed but few of the
principal persons had any objection, and the people
much desired it; besides, as it had been given out
at noon, there would be a great many strangers,
whom it Would not be well to disappoint. It was
then agreed that we should have the meeting in the
house, where they usually had the preaching; but
when we came there the crowd was very great, and
the place so "hot, that I feared I should not be able
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 167
to speak at all. I stood still and left all to Glod. A
friend gave out a hymn,,during which some fainted
away. Brother Taylor said, "I perceive it is im¬
possible for us to stay within doors: the people
cannot bear the heat, and there are more without
than are within." We then came out. My head
swam with the heat: I scarce knew which way 1
went, but seemed carried along by the people, till
we stopped at a horseblock, placed against a wall
on the side of the street, with a plain wide open¬
ing before it. On the steps of this I stood, and
gave out, "Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,"
etc. While the people were singing the hymn, I
felt a renewed conviction to speak in the name of
the Lord. My bodily strength seemed to return
each moment. I felt no weariness, and my voice
was stronger than in the morning, while I was
led to enlarge on these words, "The Lord is our
Judge, the Lord is our Lawgiver, the Lord is our
King: he will save us." I felt great enlargement
while endeavoring to show the purity of our Judge,
whose eyes could endure no iniquity. That as a
Lawgiver he was just and holy, and the thing
gone out of his lips must stand: The soul that
sinneth shall die. But the Lord is also our King,
and he will save us. First, by convincing us of
the purity of his law, and the justness of our pun¬
ishment, Who have broken it. Secondly, by mak¬
ing us tremble before that Judge whose eyes are
as a flame of fire. Thirdly, by leading us to Him
who is our "Advocate with the Father, Jesus
Christ the righteous;" who now manifests him¬
self to the soul as the propitiation for our sins.
168 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
And, fourthly, as a King, he goes on in the be¬
liever conquering and to conquer, till the eternal
reign of Jesus commences in the soul; which, as
the "morning light, grows brighter and brighter
unto the perfect day;" till "the perfect love which
casts out all fear," marks the soul as the abode
and " habitation of God through the Spirit." Deep
solemnity sat on every face. I think there was
scarce a cough to be heard, or the least motion;
though the number gathered was very great. So
solemn a time I have seldom known. My voice
was clear enough to reach them all; and when we
concluded, 1 felt stronger than when we began.
They then desired me to speak to each of the
women joined in the society, which took me till
near ten. The room we went into for that pur¬
pose was a damp stone floor, so that I could hardly
move my legs when I came out. But they kin¬
dled a fire, and after getting some refreshment I
grew better. About twelve I went to bed, and
rested under the shadow of the Almighty till
morning, when I found myself remarkably well.
After having breakfasted with brother Goldthorp,
where, we had a lively conversation concerning
holiness, I came home with much thankfulness
and peace.
October 8.—I was to-day at Clackhightown, and
saw the hand of the Lord in many things. I have
been more abundantly led to reflect on the diffi¬
culties of the path I am called in. I know the
power of God which I felt when standing on the
horseblock in the street at Huddersfield; but at
the same time I am conscious how ridiculous I
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 169
must appear in the eyes of many for so doing.
Therefore, if some persons consider me as an impu¬
dent woman, and represent me as such, I cannot
blame them. Again, many say, If you are called
to preach, why do you not do it constantly, and
take a round as a preacher? I answer, Because
that is not my call. I have many duties to attend
to, and many cares which they know nothing about.
I must therefore leave myself to His guidance who
hath the sole right of disposing of me. Again
they say, " Why do you not give out, I am to
preach? Why call it a meeting?" I answer,
Because that suits my design best. First, It is
less ostentatious. Secondly, It leaves me at lib¬
erty to speak more or less as I feel myself led.
Thirdly, It gives less offence to those who watch
for it. Others object, "Why, yours is a Quaker
call: why then do you not join them at once?
You are an offence to us. Go to the people whose
call is the same as your own: here nobody can
bear with you." I answer, Though I believe the
Quakers have still a good deal of God among them,
yet I think the Spirit of the Lord is more at work
among the Methodists; and wh'ile I see this, though
they were to toss me about as a football, I would
stick to them like a leech. Besides, I do nothing
but what Mr. Wesley approves; and as to reproach
thrown by some on me, what have I to do with it,
but quietly go forward, saying, I will be still more
vile, if my Lord requires it? Indeed, for none
but thee, my Lord, would I take up this sore cross.
But thou hast done more for me. 0 do thy own
will upon me in all things! Only make me what
15
170 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
thou wouldst have me to be! Only make me holy,
and then lead me as thou wilt!
August, 1777.—I heard Mr. Wesley preach
from these words, "Dearly beloved, as strangers
and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war
against the soul." A sweet discourse it was,
showing the great danger of every earthly gratifi¬
cation. This lesson, he said, might be learned
even from the body. As often as we take down
food, we swallow so many seeds of death, by caus¬
ing so many more particles of earth to adhere to
and clog our vessels, and so hasten our dissolution.
And without great watchfulness, so it would be
with our souls. If we were not on our guard,
human comforts received would also bring the
soul nearer to death, instead of being a step to
life. It is truly said of worldly joy, "It does with
powerful charm hold down the mind, and sensu¬
alize the soul."
Sunday, noon.—I heard him on these words,
"If thou canst believe, all things are possible to
him that believeth." His strength was wonder¬
ful, and much power attended the word. • Lord,
be the strength of thy dear servant, and his por¬
tion for ever! At night he lodged with us.
August 14.—Last night dear Mr. Wesley came
here again. After supper he read a letter from
Lady Maxwell, in which she expresses a most
sweet state of soul; observing that if the name of
Jesus is but mentioned, her heart is like the key
of a well-tuned instrument, when its unison is
touched. 0 how sweet a progress has she made!
Lord, let me do so likewise!
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 171
Last Thursday Mr. "Wesley preached at Daw
Green, on "I will give to every one of you ac¬
cording to your works." First, he considered,
What were the works. Secondly, What the re¬
ward. The works, he said, were threefold. First,
What the man is. Secondly, What he does.
Thirdly, What he suffers. 1. All he is, that is
right, shall have its reward: all "the fruit of
the Spirit—love, joy, peace, long-suffering, meek¬
ness, patience, faith, self-denial, fortitude"—all
these are the work of God, and all received
through Christ; above all, love, which is the
image of God. 2. All he does, all his works of
piety and mercy, all that is wrought in faith—nay,
the most commort labors of his daily business, if
done in a spirit of sacrifice, shall not be forgotten;
for it is said of servants, by the apostle, for their
encouragement, that when they "obey and serve
men, with singleness of heart, they serve the Lord
Jesus Christ." 3. All he suffers. Not one cross
taken up in obedience to the will of God, but it
shall have its reward. But what is the reward?
First, The very nature of each grace necessarily
brings its reward. The more faith, patience,
courage, and perseverance, the more holiness will
be brought into the soul, and consequently the
soul will be rendered more like God, and more
capable of fellowship with him; and in proportion
to our fellowship with God must be our happiness.
But beside these, there is a reward of infinite free
mercy (over and above what flows from inherent ho¬
liness) bestowed on each grace, and on each action
done for God, and each cross borne for his sake.
172 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I felt it come with power to my soul. 0 for a
full devotedness to thee, my God! I see I am
quietly to wait on thee, though my crosses are
very heavy in many ways. But the will of the
Lord be done!
September 12.—This day thirty-eight years I
was born. Solemn thought! 0 how far have I
spent these thirty-eight years for God? What is
my situation, outward and inward ? Outward it is
very trying: my circumstances are very perplexing.
But I hold fast my former promises. "Christ
charges himself with all thy temporal affairs, while
you charge yourself with those that relate to his
glory." I am determined to make Zion my chief
care, though I know not what the Lord is about
to do with me. I have a great family, and not
an income left sufficient to keep them, which
obliges me to sink something every year. The
business hurts, instead of helping; and though
Mr. is sure it will the next year do far oth¬
erwise, I cannot believe it. It appears to me de¬
liverance will begin by bringing me out of this
place, dividing the family, and contracting my
wide-spread cares into one, viz., the cause of God
only. But how this will be brought about I know
not; for though I keep putting out the children
as fast as they grow up, yet that is attended with
much expense, and I have many grown persons
whom I know not how to provide for, nor find any
way to dispose of. They are good, sincere souls,
and they live to God. Some of them also are
very weak in body, and advanced in years. When
I have settled all the accounts I am led to believe
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
173
it will be tbe order of God for me to go down to
Bath and Bristol for six* months. Nine months
ago I got a fall, which hath made me in a degree
lame ever since. Bath may help that; but I be¬
lieve I have something to do for souls in those
places, and I shall be glad to be at a distance from
poor Mr. —. 0 how sad it is! I fear while
he helps me, I hurt him. Lord, what a situation
is mine! . , .
But how is it with me inwardly? On the whole
I have found my mind more stayed on God this
last year, and my confidence in his loving protec¬
tion is a good deal increased. That sore tempta¬
tion of fear, by which I have suffered so much in
going out in the work of God, I have found a good
deal removed by prayer. I have had freedom,
and some success in dealing with souls. But I
am not all athirst for full salvation. I do not feel
that ardent desire after it which swallows up every
other care and desire. I have yet some prospects
on earth, which I cannot fully look over. They
present themselves before me, and I do not feel
—deeply feel—the force of these words, "It is
far better to depart, and be with Christ." Again,
many cares divide my soul. I know not if ever
I shall get this place sold, or ever pay my debts.
Every thing sinks me deeper in that respect. It
is amazing what losses and trials I have! Yet I
feel my anchor cast in the will of God. I fear,
however, that I have departed from his close em¬
brace, and therefore he hath encompassed my way
with thorns. Well, I will, I do embrace his jus-
174 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
tice, as well as his mercy! Both "his rod and
his staff shall comfort me !"
It is an easy matter to believe when all goes
smoothly about us. But now is the time for my
faith to have its full exercise. Nothing but ruin
in temporal things seems before 'me, and I am
upbraided by many as being a fool. They say,
" Why does not she turn them all out of doors ?"
Nay, some who should know better, cast the same
in my teeth! Yet with all my endeavors I see
no way out. To turn them out of doors! I
have no light for that. Still I seem called to be¬
lieve God will make a way for each, and remove
them in his own time and manner. Still I trust
that I shall see accomplished those words, so
powerfully applied at Laytonstone : " Thou shalt
lay up gold as the dust, and the gold of Ophir as
the stones of the brook; yea, the Almighty shall
be tby defence, and thou shalt have plenty of
silver." What I understand by these words is,
that a time shall come when I shall owe no one
any thing, and have plenty to carry on such de¬
signs as the Lord shall lay on my heart for his
glory. That he will bring me out of this place,
and provide some way for every member to be
removed, so that I shall say, Now is fulfilled that
word, " Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be
established unto thee, and light shall shine on thy
path." But here is the difficulty : how absurd
does it appear to go on with a great household,
running me out on every side ! How ridiculous
will distress so brought on make me appear in the
eyes of all! That thought has made me strive-and
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
175
struggle every way to throw it off, but it seems
the Lord always frustrates my endeavors, and I
am forced to sit dowii at bis footstool again, with
tbat thought, " My time is in his hand, and he
knows how to deliver." It is hard to believe
against seeming impossibilities. Yet it comes to
my mind, God does bless me in believing spirit¬
ual things that are above my powers; but these
are only temporal. Will he bless that exercise
of faith ? It is certain Abraham's faith was tried
in temporal things; and through the temporal
difficulties, he held fast faith in the spiritual.
Israel was called into a temporal Canaan, pre¬
figuring the spiritual; and I cannot divide two
ideas which continually seem to dwell together in
my mind, viz. : that I shall be delivered from all
my spiritual enemies, and brought into a most
perfect liberty of soul, as soon as I am delivered
from the temporal; and that I shall first praise
the Lord for the fulfilment of the above promises,
and then for full salvation !
October 28.—Glory be to God, he is yet work¬
ing among us ! Last week Sally Lawrence was
set at liberty, and the change is very evident.
Yesterday, as I was meeting her, she said, " 0 !
had I known what the love of God was, sure I
should never have rested so long without it! I
have often found great joy, but there was always
a sting in the end. Some thought or other would
come and take away the pleasure; but now I find
a pleasure in God without any sting. Last week
I felt a change, and many promises; but I had
not a clear evidence. Yet I thought, I do feel in
176 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
many things as I never did before. However, as
you were saying in the class last Tuesday, that we
ought to rejoice evermore, and the way so to do
was to praise the Lord for what he had done, I
thought, then, I will try to do so. Accordingly,
I spoke more freely than I should otherwise have
done, and while I spoke, I found more power to
believe. But on Friday, while you were meeting
the children, I found my evidence quite clear:
these words were applied to my mind : ' There is
no condemnation to those that are in Christ
Jesus/ And since that time I have been very
happy. I never knew such a week as this in all
my life. I used to be tired, and I hated the
Washing week; but I have now been kept in
entire peace all through."
Bath, February, 1778.—On the 8th of Decem¬
ber last, I set out for this place, and came here
on the 12th. Much have I seen of the hand of
my God here in many ways. Soon after my ar¬
rival, Mr. Wesley came to lay the first stone of
the chapel. He preached from these words:
" From this time it shall be said, What hath God
wrought \" He pointed out to us in what a won¬
derful manner the Lord had carried on his work
in the three kingdoms, within these last thirty
or forty years. It was a solemn time. The
people were very attentive, though the cold was
very severe. At night we had a lovefeast: I was
led to speak with some degree of freedom. As I
came out, several asked me where I lodged. I told
them I should (with the Lord's help) be at home
at suoh an hour every day. Several came to me,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 177
one after another, and the Lord's hand hath
been with us of a truth. What amazing answers
to prayer have I seen I Lord, give me to endure
to the end ! In the classes and bands, also, I find
much freedom in speaking for God; and he gives
me to cast all my own burden on himself, and to
believe Christ charges himself with all my con¬
cerns, while he, in some low degree, gives me to
charge myself with those that relate to his glory.
Here are many souls who seem to thirst for
spiritual conversation, as the traveller for the
cooling stream; and whenever we are together,
our Lord is in the midst.
• March.—Conversing with a gentleman who
knew something of my situation, he said, " If I had
had such losses as you have had, and was in such
an encumbered situation, I should stamp and tear,
and go raving mad." I began to reflect on his
words, and thought, How is it that I am kept so
calm ? I saw and adored the hand of my God,
and was constrained to cry out, " Lord, thou hast
known my soul in adversity 1" This is thy doing,
and I will praise thee.
April 4.—When I was in this city fourteen
years ago, the Lord was pleased to give me some
souls. I wondered often what was become of
them ; but, glory be to God I I find them as simple
and steady as ever; and some are much advanced.
I asked of the Lord at my first coming at this
time, that some soul might be particularly blessed,
that I might be encouraged to think that I was
come in his name. A few days after we came,
the answer was given. Brother Cousins was
178 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
restored to tlte love of God. But this was only
the beginning of good things. Each day opened
the providence of God more and more. Several
persons got good, and I saw my call quite clear.
One old disciple gave me much pleasure. She
had long been a follower, and useful to others.
The first time I saw her, she laid open her whole
heart, and was simple as a little child, I scarce
ever found so much of the power of God in con¬
versing with any one as with her. Before we
parted, the Lord gave her a taste of the liberty
she came to inquire after. She sent others—
among whom was one young woman, an upright
soul, but who had got into sore temptation, and
lost her peace. The Healer of the breaches
again appeared, and she was filled with consola¬
tion, and found (as she afterward told me) she
was a new ereature. A man and his wife the
next day called on me: they had a measure of
life j but they were come (as they said) to inquire
when, and how, " the blood of Jesus would
cleanse them from all sin." Such simplicity I
hardly ever met with before. My heart was
ready to melt with desire. I found such access
in addressing the throne of grace as I cannot
express. It was all " ask and have I" I did ask,
and, glory be to God, he granted my petition, and
brought the dear souls into further light and
liberty!
April 24.—I am now at Bristol. Lord ! what
shall I meet with here ? 0 let me be ever ob¬
servant of thy will!
May.—1 wrote and sent to my Wednesday
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 179
night's meeting (consisting of about fifty persons,
who meet at Cross Hall) the following letter :
" Though various occupations in my Master's
work have rendered my- pen for a longer time
silent than I at first intended, I can assure you
with a pleasing sincerity, my heart has often been
warmed when pleading before the throne in your
behalf. Very dear are all the followers of the
Lord to me in every place; but my little company
on Wednesday nights will ever hold a peculiar
place in my heart. I also include the spreading
branch in Wakefield. May lively grace rest on
you all! and may you ever adorn your profession
as a company of the choicest followers of the
bleeding Lamb ! Many here inquire, ' How goes
on your Wednesday night's meeting?' There is
a general belief of great life in Yorkshire. In
this your fame is gone out into other Churches.
0, how alarming the thought! 1 What manner
of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation
and godliness! A city set on a hill cannot be
hid.' Either a ray of light, or a shade of dark¬
ness, will reflect from every professor. Adorable
Jesus, fill us with that jealous, just concern, that
our light may never become darkness ! In order
to prevent this, let the most strict and ardent
watchfulness keep your eye and heart for ever
fixed on ' the Lamb who taketh away your sins !'
For it is by those believing views that all the
streams of consolation, wherewith our souls are
replenished and refreshed, are given. I would
have you praise the Lord for me, and therefore I
180 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
tell you, I have and do prove him to be a God of
faithfulness and truth.
"The account of a Jewess in this city may
perhaps help your strains of praise to rise a little
higher. I will therefore give it you in the best
manner my memory will afford.
" She was born in Germany. Her father was
a famous Jew rabbi. He gave her a good educa¬
tion, and brought her up very strictly according
to the laws of the Jews. When she was about
eighteen, she found a strong inclination to come
to England. This her parents much opposed, as
they could well provide for her, and could see no
reason why she should leave her native country.
But she had no rest in her spirit while in Ger¬
many ; so at last they gave consent that she
should visit their own people in England. They
gave her a handsome sum of money, and sent her
off with their blessing, in company with some
friends. She continued to live some time in
England, till at length she was cheated out of the
greatest part of her money. She was then re¬
duced to many hardships, and after a time went
as a servant into a Jew's family. Her mistress
liked her greatly, and used her as one of her own
children. Here she thought her lot was cast in
a fair portion, for she loved her mistress, and re¬
joiced to do her service. But after a short time
a great change took place. Her mistress was
awakened to a sense of the things of God, and in
the end found 'there was no name under heaven
whereby she could be saved, but the name of
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 181
Jesus Christ/ This grieved the young woman
beyoud expression. She now hated her mistress,
as much as before she had loved her; and very
often her behavior corresponded with the feel¬
ings of her heart. The arrows of conviction,
however, now began to fasten on her also; and
oft she reasoned with herself, saying,—What a dif¬
ference there is between my mistress and me!
If I had such a servant, I would turn her off at
once. But my mistress seems all love since she
believed in Jesus Christ as the Messiah; but I
am all hatred. Besides, she is happy, always
happy, while I am always miserable. Then
again, she would start at the thought and say,—
What! am I going to leave the true religion?
O, no ! I will never believe in Christ. I will
pray to the true Messiah. Then she would go
up to the top of the house, and (as she thought)
looking toward Jerusalem, would cry, 'O Lord
Jehovah, hear me! Thou hast done great won¬
ders for our people, and for our nation; and
when we were in the hands of our enemies, thou
didst send deliverance for thy chosen people Is¬
rael. 0 hear me ! thou G-od of Abraham, Isaac,
and Jacob, and send us our Messiah, that he may
take away our misery ! Then "shall kings be our
nursing fathers, and queens our nursing mothers,"
and " we shall be restored again to our former pri¬
vileges It would then come to her mind, Jesus
Christ, whom you despise, is the very and true
Messiah ! But that thought she thrust away with
fear.
" One night she went to bed in great distress,
16
182 LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER.
and dreamed she was walking on a common, and
that a man came up to her whom she knew to be
Jesus Christ. She looked on him, and between
hope and fear said,' Tell me, are you my Messiah V
He answered, ' I am your Messiah.' Yet she
drew back, and was afraid to believe. In the
morning she knew not what to think. Wherever
she went she seemed always to see Christ as hanging
on the cross ! And in her own soul felt so deeply
the sentence of death, that she seemed to have
no hope of salvation. At last she told the Lord,
one day, she could almost believe, and if he
would give some sign, she thought she should
hold out no longer. The sign which God gave
to Israel, through Samuel's prayer, came strongly
to her mind, as she waited before the Lord—her
soul then struggling between faith and unbelief.
It was at that time rather cold weather; but the
Lord was pleased, before the close of the day, to
send a storm of thunder and lightning, which ter¬
rified her beyond expression. While she was on
her knees, expecting every moment to drop into
hell, (which she now clearly felt she deserved,)
she cried to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob,
to hear and save her! God did hear. Glory be
to his free mercy, he made her to feel, 'None
but Jesus could do helpless sinners good!' In
the same moment she felt his blood applied, and
shouted aloud the praises of her Messiah !
" From this time she continued happy in the
love of God. She then became sensible of the
stirrings of inbred sin, from which she had no
thought of ever being delivered till she should lay
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 183
down the body. I found much blessing in con¬
versing with her; and after the first time she
was much stirred up to seek a further salvation.
For some weeks she was tossed between hope and
fear. One day, as I was meeting brother Sims's
class, she seemed uncommonly oppressed with
unbelief, yet she pleaded, £0 ! can it be possible
that I should be wholly delivered from anger, and
live in a place where I have ten children to look
after V I recommended her to look to Jesus, who
could and would 'save her to the uttermost.'
Several of us walked home together. As she
was praying inwardly, and. meditating on the alh
sufficiency of the Saviour, sister Tripp said, 'God
kept Shadrach, Meshaeh, and Abednego, in the
fire, and why not you?' She answered nothing,
but pondered the words in her heart. When she
got home, she began to consider, ITe really did
keep the three children in the furnace! And he
can keep me from anger. As she strove to be¬
lieve, her faith grew stronger and stronger, till
she could cast the full weight of her soul on
Jesus, as her uttermost Redeemer. 0 my friends,
praise the Lord!"
Cross Hall, September 12.—This day I am
thirty-nine years of age. 0 that I might live to
Thee more than ever! What have I either done
or suffered for Thee, in this last year ? As to
the state of my soul, I trust I am nearer to God
than before I went my journey. But I am still
a dull scholar in thy school. I want that full
baptism of the Spirit—God's promise to all be¬
lievers. Mr. is very kind and helpful to
184 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
me in the care of my temporal affairs; but what
my trials are, none but God knows. To-day I
was blessed in praying for him, with that word :
" I will bless them that bless thee I" Amen !
Amen !
Sunday, November 15.—This day I found a
blessing in putting in practice some resolutions I
had formed for my daily walk. At seven we set
out for Daw Green, where we had a good meet¬
ing. 0 what a desire did I feel for that people,
while I was speaking on that word, " The Lord
thy God is a jealous God I"
March 26, 1779.—This day I set apart as a
fast, to lay before the Lord the following particu¬
lars:, 1. My present situation. 2. To ask for
wisdom how to walk before my family. 3. For
more of his love. 4. For a blessing on my jour¬
ney to . 5. For my relations. On the
whole, it has been a good day. As to the first
petition, my present situation, I found much
power and liberty in believing God would under¬
take and appoint me some deliverance; yea, en¬
tire deliverance, in his own time and in his own
way; and I had more faith, I think, than ever
before; yet it was mixed with sweet resignation.
2. How to walk with wisdom before my family.
I felt a great pleading for this, and some encour¬
agement that I should yet "adorn the gospel."
The third, For more love. I felt freedom in ask¬
ing it. The fourth, For a blessing on the few
days I am to spend at . I feel much of the
cross in this adventure; yet I think I must do
it, and God will be with me. As to the fifth, I
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 185
could find no particular opening, only a willing¬
ness to do, be, or suffer, any thing for their good.
Perhaps the time has not yet come. The third
time I went to prayer, all seemed swallowed up
in that petition: Lord, give me " the love that
never faileth."
Wednesday in Passion Week.—I have this
day offered myself up 'afresh to the Lord, as a
whole burnt-sacrifice. 0 give me that situation,
those friends, those comforts, or crosses, which
will best stand with thine own glory! ;Tis all I
ask—'tis all my choice.
May 21.—Lord, my thirsty soul crieth after
thee; I long for a fuller deliverance. Last night
I met the old members of the W. band, and a
sweet time we had; the Lord was very gracious
in helping his unworthy worm, and. gave me, I
believe, to speak to his glory. Since I returned
from my journey to , I have been much
drawn out in praise. 0 how good was the Lord!
He made hard things easy, and was better to me
than either my fears or wishes. To-day, when
at prayer, I had a sight of the necessity of con¬
templation; I mean, of laboring to keep the
mind on spiritual things, and to consider and
weigh the word of God, his love, his fulness!
" Love without end, and without measure,
grace
August, 1780.—0 Lord, how peculiar are thy
ways toward me! What wouldst thou have me
to do? Here I am; command what thou wilt.
Bring me to a state of poverty, reproach, a work¬
house, or what thou wilt, only let me not mistake
16*
186 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
my way. It is true I have more than I owe, and
as yet an income for life, enough.for myself. But
I cannot support these expenses and losses. And
yet it seems I cannot get deliverance from them!
Every answer to prayer is only, "Stand still and
see my salvation." Lord, I am ready to do so;
but all cry out, "It is madness not to do some¬
thing." And yet thou seemest to frustrate all I
attempt. I strive to save in every thing, and
many ways I have tried to do so; but unless all
did the same, it makes little difference. When
I attempt new things of the kind, various difficul¬
ties arise; and some are apt to say, "Save in
something else; you do not run out in this!"
The other day a friend said he was desired to
ask me, "If I did not do wrong in spending so
much time on the sick poor?—in making medi¬
cines, clothes," etc.? And said, "It is a
poor way of spending your time thus, for the
bodies of the people. If that is your %all, it is a
mean call!" L have pondered the thought; and
having set apart a ..day for fasting and prayer, the
result of my most serious reflections was as follows:
What was my setting out, or first light? Why,
from seven years old, (the first time I felt a spark
of faith,) my conviction was: not to be conformed
to the customs, fashions, and maxims of the world;
and my frequent prayer was, as a little manuscript
now by me proves, Lord, bring me out from among
the ungodly! Cast my lot with the poor who are
rich in faith; and make me to have my delight
with the excellent of the earth. And then I will
not complain for toil, poverty, or reproach.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 187
When I was seventeen, my desires after holi¬
ness began to deepen, and I found a particular
call to a further dedication of my soul to God, in
those words of St. Paul to Timothy, descriptive
of the character of those women who in the prim¬
itive Church were chosen as deaconesses, "If she
have lodged strangers, if she have brought up
children, if she have washed the saints' feet, and
diligently followed after every good work." When
I was twenty-one, being brought to the choice of
my own manner of life, I was enabled in a degree
to follow the plans thus formerly laid down.
As to my present way of life, of which a visitor
had said a few days ago, "I think, madam, your
call is a strange one—to the care of cows and
horses, sheep and pigs"—referring to my farm—
I considered, I am by the order of Providence
made mistress of a great family, and in straitened
circumstances. There is therefore occasion for
all my care and management, otherwise the em¬
barrassment would be much greater. And it is
good for the uncommon pride of my nature to bow
before that word, "In the sweat of thy browshalt
thou eat bread." It is true, I have bread enough
for myself; but having joined the interests of so
many with my own, I am willing to act thus, that
they may have bread too. The Lord hath been
pleased, also, to enable me to help the sick: this
calls for some labor, and some small expenses in
preparing and applying the medicines; but many
souls have been blessed, and several brought to
God, thereby. Some rich persons, to whose ear I
could never have had access, have, through the
188 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
belief th^t I could help their bodies, admitted the
closest application to their souls; so that I dare as
soon cut off my right hand as bury this trifling
talent in a napkin. The souls under my roof also
call for more diligent care than I am conscious I
bestow upon them; and though some say, "I do
not regard as any thing what you do for the fam¬
ily—that is only burying yourself in one house,"
yet I see it my duty, and I must apply thereto.
Again, I believe I should strive to get at the
neighbors who live within my knowledge, and do
good to their souls, if I can. To this it is replied,
"You spend too much time on one neighborhood."
But perhaps I shall soon be called to leave this
neighborhood, and this family, and then I shall
not repent of that application. I am also called
to keep together some precious meetings, in which
the work of God flourishes, and to go sometimes to
meet others in more distant places; as well as to
write many letters on the concerns of the soul.
And now I asky Lord, am I in my place or not?
To which it seemed my conscience gave the fol¬
lowing answer: The surest mark of true piety is
to fill up the duties of our own station with the
utmost fidelity. We may plan fine schemes, talk
of many journeys, and see ourselves converting
whole worlds, but in these airy phantoms there is
much danger of self having a great mixture.
Whereas in the application to the order of God,
in the present time, as it opens itself from moment
to moment, there is no room for choice. I have
heard good people say, "lam weary of life, be¬
cause of the burdens which I have to bear. I
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 189
want to spend all my time in a more excellent
way." And yet as soon as they throw off one
burden, the Lord finds them another. But the
soul truly devoted to Gfod finds no oppressive bur¬
den in the opening of the present moment, which
shows the Divine order of his providence, and
brings with it, to the resigned soul, both light
and power either to act or suffer. In a low de¬
gree I find that to be my case. I am called to
work; and therein I fulfil my covenant not to
complain of toil, although my wages seem to be
put into a bag full of holes. I cannot have my
own choice herein; nor do I cotnplain of poverty.
Thus I am often upbraided for walking in that
order in which (till I can get out of it) undoubt¬
edly the Lord has placed nle. I sink under his
yoke, and if I can but keep free from impatience
or discouragement, I may fulfil his will, and shall
hot complain of reproach. But, alas! I do too
often admit discouragement, and am ready to cry
out,
"Ah! whither or to whom shall I,
Far from these woes, for kind protection fly?"
Yet something says in my heart, a time is at
hand when the Lord will bring me out of these
deep waters; and I am determined to stand still
and see his salvation.
November.—Last night I was led to pray much
for a spiritual mind, both sleeping and waking.
I went to bed recollected. I dreamed I was sit¬
ting up in bed with the Bible in my hand. I
saw two shining appearances, but no distinct form.
The appearance was as the heads of two glorious
190 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
persons, and a ray of light came from them on
the book in my hand, in which I was enabled to
discover something which quite delighted me,
and I cried out: O! had I known this before, I
should have made the whole house ring with
shouts of praise! I then saw all around my bed
a beautiful garden filled with evergreens, and on
each tree, and on the ground, lay something like
a light frost. I wondered at that, till these words
came to my mind, "The dew shall lie all night
upon thy branches V' I then cried out, 0 what
a delightful scene! What a lovely prospect!
Here shall I for ever rest! I then threw my soul
with such a divine confidence on the Lord Jesus,
as I think I never did before, and in that act I
awaked. I could not recollect what the delight¬
ful discovery in the Bible was; but a fuller sense
of God than ever before has rested on my soul.
January 11,1781.—Many mercies have I seen
within these three or four days. Nothing is so
good to me, as to meet every thing in the will and
order of God; abandoning myself, soul, body, and
family into his hands, believing he will order all
right. I find many convictions about my house¬
hold. I am not a faithful head. I neither lead
them by example, instruction, or reproof, as I
ought. Lord, teach me how to go in and out be¬
fore this people ! X seem to have an impression
that I shall not long remain with them. I seem
to see another place, and another people, which I
am called to; and outward things confirm the im¬
pression. One thing I have been very faulty in
during the last year: I have not risen early with
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 191
any degree of constancy; and that is a general
loss both to my own soul and my family. 0 Lord,
when shall I be "all glorious within, and my
clothing of wrought gold ?"
January 13.—I have been to day a good deal
drawn out in prayer. My exercises as to outward
things are very great. I have a most narrow path
to walk in! I am called to live by faith indeed.
As I was at prayer this morning, I washed to ask
of the Lord that he would bring me out of all my
difficulties in his own way. Certainly the whole
earth is the Lord's; and I asked of him such a
situation in life as will most glorify himself. It
was brought before me, Perhaps that will be by
bringing you to entire poverty. I asked my heart,
Am I willing on that condition to be made holy ?
And I felt I could say, " Yes, Lord, yes." Again,
the thought was suggested, But perhaps to a par¬
ish house, while your income goes each year for
your debts ? I answered, Thy will be done! It
was then represented as if I was on a common-
side, dying, destitute of every human help or
comfort. In that I felt great sweetness. But
the sorest stroke was still behind: What if you
should die in debt and leave nothing to pay? and
so through you the gospel be reproached? This
came the nearest of all; but it was clearly shown
me, that the fear of the gospel being blamed often
arose from our fear of personal reproach; for as to
the truths of God, he would take care of them;
and if I was really wrong, it would be for the
glory of God to have it made manifest; and if he
was but glorified, my soul was content. Certainly,
192 LIFH OF MRS. FLETCHER.
thought I, if it was in my power to break off my
expenses, it would be right so to do; and I do
right in contriving every way I can toward it.
But as all my endeavors are always frustrated, I
see no wa^ but to cast myself on the will of God,
and embrace, as his will, poverty, and deep re¬
proach; and still continue to believe in the pro¬
mises till I see, even by the time of my death,
that there has not been an accomplishment of
them. Perhaps after all I am right. Perhaps
the day will come (impossible as it now appears)
when I shall have plenty of silver, and then the
light shall indeed shine on my way.
Next June I shall be fourteen years from Lay-
tonstone; and the September following I shall be
forty-two years old. It may be that soon after
that time deliverance may appear. The words
rested on my mind, " By the way that thou
wentest, by that way shalt thou return.'" Lord,
thou knowest what they mean; but I see all sorts
of crucifixions are needful for me. 0 my hard
heart! what need hath it had of breaking 1
February 15.—When I was at Leeds some time
since, I had much proof of the goodness of God
in many ways. On the whole, it was a journey
for good. I heard a dream of a good woman
while there, which was made a blessing to me.
She thought she was dying, and felt her soul
leave the body. Immediately she found herself
standing in the presence of God! Jesus ap¬
peared to her as seated on a white throne ! He
beckoned to her with his hand, and said, Come
up hither. When she was by his side, she saw
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 198
many of the saints with the angels. Among
them was William Bramah : he shone very bright.
Some others she knew also. Our Lord then
pointed to the crowns of some saints still on
earth, and she understood, by the appearance of
some of those crowns, that the persons were in
great temptation. Our Lord and the glorious
company seemed to sympathize greatly with them,
and when by faith they conquered, a jewel was
added to the crown, and the whole shone brighter!
But every time they gave way to any corruption,
a gem dropped out, and the whole crown turned
dark! Sometimes there seemed joy in heaven
over them : sometimes a kind of mourning. She
sat some time in sweet delight, and then awaking,
found with amazement she was still in the body!
I am going to . It is a fine opportunity
for speaking to a number of the most lively souls,
out of various societies, and they begin to inquir-e
all around when I will come. 0 my God, how
these things break me to pieces! What an un¬
worthy worm! If they knew me, how would
they be astonished that the Lord should work by
such a one as I! But thou canst do whatever
seemeth thee good !
March 20.—I have been poorly lately with a
complaint in my eyes : I can write a little. The
cold this winter has been very severe, and I have
felt it much. But 0 how am I indulged! A
good house, a bed fit for a king, plenty of fire,
food, etc.! while many of my Bather's children
know almost the want of all things ! I was much
affected the other day when the preacher left our
17
194 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
house. I thought, if I had in this snow and
wind to ride over the moors, and through deep
lanes, as he has, I could not sit on my horse.
Truly, I count it a great honor to be permitted to
contribute in the least to their necessities ! 0 let
me ever wash the feet of the servants of my Lord!
I feel my soul does come forward. Constancy
in early rising is a great blessing to me, both as a
Christian and as a mistress. The other morning
I was waked with that word, "Ye have need of
patience, that after ye have done the will of God,
ye may receive the promises." At night, as I
was at prayer, that word also came with power,
" Thou hast kept the word of my patience : I also
will keep thee in the hour of temptation !" Amen,
Lord Jesus, Amen ! Give me to "keep the word
of thy patience faithful unto the end !"
April.—My soul, wait thou still upon God, for
of him cometh thy salvation. More crosses, more
disappointments; but last night I had a ray of
faith which revived me. I have of late had a
very clear view of the absolute necessity of keep¬
ing the mind always stayed on God, from those
words : " Resist the devil, and he will flee from
you." Indeed, he is a chained dog, and can go
no farther than man's consent will suffer him.
His works are chiefly carried on in the chambers
of the imagination. These are indeed the cham¬
bers of imagery! He fixes his first hold in the
imagination, which is the antechamber of the
heart. Afterward he passes on to the passions
and affections. These form the passage through
which all passes to the heart, both good and evil.
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 195
If the mind then is engrossed by Satan, and he
be suffered to rule there, the benign influence of
the Holy Spirit is prevented, and the soul is filled
with all evil. Thus, " to be carnally minded is
death; but to be spiritually minded is life and
peace V
April 25.—I have had some remarkable an¬
swers to prayer of late, and some directions by
lot, which I shall lay up in my heart till I see
the way of the Lord. 0 my God, give me just
such a situation in every respect as will be most
for thy glory! Many blessings also I have of
late received in visiting the sick, and strength
has been given me above that which is common.
I long for a closer walk with my God ! 0 that
I may live to God every moment, with every
power!
May 6, Sunday.—I had liberty this day to en¬
treat the Lord to show me the surest and shortest
way to holiness. Many things were showed me,
which I hope to put in practice; but above all, it
was impressed on my .mind, Live by faith!
196 life of mrs. fletcher.
PART THE POURTH.
her marriage, and removal to madelet.
The seventh of June, 1781, as I before ob¬
served, was the day that began my fourteenth
year in Yorkshire. On that day I took a parti¬
cular view of my whole situation, and saw diffi¬
culties as mountains rise all around me. Faith
was hard put to it. The promise seemed to stand
sure, and I thought the season was come, yet the
waters were deeper than ever. I thought also,
How shall I now hold fast that word so powerfully
given to me, "The Almighty shall be thy defence,
and thou shalt have plenty of silver ?"
At length " the cloud arose as a man's hand."
The very next day, June the eighth, I received a
letter from Mr. Fletcher, in which he told me—
That he had for twenty-five years found a regard
for me, which was still as sincere as ever; and
though it might appear odd he should write on
such a subject, when but just returned from
abroad, and more so without seeing me first, he
could only say, that his mind was so strongly
drawn to do it, he believed it to be the order of
Providence.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 197
la reading this letter I was much struck : so
many circumstances all uniting. 1. The season
it came in. 2. His writing on the subject before
we had met, after an absence of fifteen years;
and without his having the most distant suspicion
of my mind being inclined toward it. 3. His
mentioning, that for twenty-five years he had had
the thought. All these particulars answered to
the marks which I had laid down. His unex¬
pected recovery, also, and safe return, so plainly
pointed out the hand of Providence, that all
ground of reasoning against it seemed removed.
Yet, on the other hand, a strange fear possessed,,
my mind lest I should take any^step out of the
order of God; nor was Satan wanting to represent
great trials before me, which he told me I should-
not have strength to stand in.
We corresponded with openness and freedom,
till August the .first, when lie came to Cross Hall,
and abode there a month, preaching in different
places with much power; and having opened our
whole hearts to each other, both on temporals and
spirituals, we believed it to be the order of God
we should become one, when he should make our
way plain.
He then returned to his parish, a hundred and
twelve miles from the place where I lived; for
we could not think of taking the step till my af¬
fairs were more clearly settled. So we took our
leave of each other, committing all into His hands
who "does what he will with his own."
In about five weeks he returned; but still all
«.eemed shut up : no way opened either for dis-
17*
198 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
posing of the farm, or of the family. Convers¬
ing one day with Mrs. Clapham, of Leeds, she
said, "What do you stick at? The Lord has
done so much to convince you that this is to be
your deliverance, how is it that you do not be¬
lieve, and obey his order? I verily believe if
you would take the step in faith, your way would
be made plain directly; and I will now tell you
what has passed my mind concerning it. When
I was some months since at Scarborough, as I
was one day in private, p,.aying for you, and
much drawn out in laying v\ur trials before the
Lord, I was as if taken out of myself, and saw
by the eye of faith both Mr. Fletcher and you,
and that you were designed for each other, and that
much glory to God would arise from your union. But
at the same time I saw that there were various
obstacles in the way; but the chief was the want of
money. It seemed to me, however, if you would
believe and obey the order of God, all would be
made clear before you. Then I saw a tall young
man, (it seemed to me it was your youngest bro¬
ther,) who poured down bags of gold, not once
only, or twice, but several times. Some were
small, others seemed large sums; one was very
large; and it was impressed on my mind that
all your trials of that kind were over, and that
you would never experience those difficulties any
more/'* She then asked, " Have you more bro-
* This whole account is certainly very extraordinary. No pious
person, however, will say that the Lord has not helped, or would
not thus direct or comfort his servants, in peculiar difficulties ; and
no person who was acquainted with Mrs. Clapham will doubt
either the truth of her declaration, or the sobriety of her mind.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 199
thers than one?" I replied, Yes, I have two,
and the youngest is tall; but I never received
any thing in particular from him, nor have I the
least reason to expect it. Her discourse, how¬
ever, with several concurring circumstances, made
an impression on our minds; and after asking
direction from the Lord, we agreed to take the
step in a fortnight.
For the first week all remained as usual; but
in the beginning of the second, a gentleman came
quite unexpectedly, and bought the place, for one
thousand six hundred and twenty pounds. Three
days after, another took the stock, etc. A way
seemed also to open for each member of the fa¬
mily ; so that, with a little assistance, every one
had a comfortable prospect before them. The
case of one, a poor cripple, who had lived with
me sixteen years, seemed difficult. Though she
feared and loved God, she had such infirmities,
no one was willing to take her; and we had
some reasons against taking her with us to Made-
ley. But this difficulty also was removed. On
Sunday night, November the 11th, I received a
letter from a pious lady who had first recom¬
mended her to me, stating that she would take
her back and maintain her.
All was now so far settled, that I did not need
to sell Laytonstone estate. My income would
afford to allow the pious souls of my dispersed fa¬
mily fifty-five pounds per year; pay the interest
of the fiioney still owing; and yet leave me such
an annual sum as was about equal to "my dear
Mr. Fletcher's income; and in case of my death,
200 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
there was in Laytonstone more than would pay
all.
So on Monday, the 12th of November, 1781,
in Batley church," we covenanted in the name of
the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy
Ghost, " to bear each other's burdens," and to
become one for ever.
We agreed it would be best to leave all our
furniture, except a few trifles, to be sold with
the house. Pine would do for us as well as ma¬
hogany. I felt some attachment to my neat fur¬
niture ; but love to the order of God made me
take the spoiling of them very cheerfully. The
money was not to be paid in immediately for the
estate; we were, therefore, rather at a loss to set¬
tle all our accounts before we left the place, and
to give that assistance to our friends we wished
to do. On an exact calculation, we found a hun¬
dred pounds were wanting. We laid it before
the Lord; and the next post I received a letter
from my youngest brother, with a bank note of
one hundred pounds enclosed as a present;
though he knew nothing of our particular want,
nor had I the least reason to expect his assistance,
except the extraordinary communication by Mrs.
Clapham, which I have related.
On January 2, 1782, we set out for Madeley.
But 0 ! where shall I begin my song of praise ?
What a turn is there in all my affairs! What a depth
of sorrow, distress, and perplexity, am I delivered
from ! How shall I find language to express the
goodness of the Lord! Not one of the good things
hath failed me of all the Lord my God hath spoken.
LIFE, OF MRS. FLETCHER. 201
Now I know no want, but that of more grace.
I bave such a husband as is in every thing suited
to me. He bears with all my faults and failings
in a manner that continually reminds me of that
word, " Love your wives as Christ loved the
Church." His constant endeavor is to make me
happy- his strongest desire my spiritual growth.
He is, in every sense of the word, the man my
highest reason chooses to obey. I am also happy
in a servant, whom I took from the side of her
mother's coffin, when she was four years old.
She loves us as if we were her parents, and is also
truly devoted to God.
Madeley, Shropshire, May 30, 1782.—"Where
shall I begin, or how^recount thy faithfulness, 0
my God! .0! " What is man, that thou art
mindful of him?" About all, what am I, most
sinful dust and ashes, that thou hast made my
cup to run over above all I could think or wish
for! 0 for holiness! Lord, let me be'thine,
and doubly thine, for ever.
0 the fears which filled my soul before and
after our marriage ! but how causeless have they
all proved! I have the kindest and tenderest of
husbands : so spiritual a man, and so spiritual a
union, I never had any adequate conception of.
He is every way suited to me, all I could wish.*
The work among souls increases. I feel it is the.
Lord who hath cast my lot here. For some
* Mr. Wesley observes in a letter to the late Mrs. Rogers, at that
time (December 9, 1781) Miss Roe, "I should not have been will¬
ing that Miss Bosanquet should have been joined to any other per¬
son than Mr. Fletcher; but I trust she may be as useful with him
as she was before."—See his Works, vol. vii.
202 LIFE OF MES. FLETCHEE.
months I suffered much through fears of various
kinds: all my situation being changed, I feared
I should not be equal to the task allotted me,
and that I should not be able to please the peo¬
ple "for their good." But 0! had I in every
trial but believed all the way through, how sweetly
might I have gone on ! Now I see what a gra¬
cious Providence hath superintended all! " Praise
the Lord, 0 my soul; and all that is within me,
praise his holy name,"
June 7.—What a deliverance hath the Lord
wrought for me ! A year ago, I thought there
was nothing before me (temporarily) but ruin.
This day twelve months, I cried out, " Thou hast
not delivered thy people at all." How wonder¬
ful a chain of providences! As soon as we de¬
termined to marry in a fortnight, and leave the
event to the Lord, the house and all was sold in
ten days, and a way made for every one! But
wanting a hundred pounds more to get out of that
situation, we prayed the Lord to appear in our
behalf, and immediately my youngest brother sup¬
plied our every need, though he knew not any
thing of our necessity.
" In all my ways thy hand I own I
Thy ruling providence I see."
September 12.—I have seen forty-three years!
Lord, to what purpose ? Most of this day I
have spent in secret prayer; yet my soul is ra¬
ther sorrowful. I have a variety of people and
different calls of Glod to attend unto; and I seem
to want more wisdom, light, and love. My spir-
- LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 203
itual sphere of action is different. I have in
many respects a wider call for action than before;
but such a one as requires, the momentary teach¬
ing of the Lord, both in conversing and writing.
Yet I do not feel all that I felt at Hoxton. No,
I do not so live by faith as I did then. But I
lie before thee, 0 Lord! Do all thy will on thy
poor creature, for whom thou hast appeared in so
marvellous a manner!
October.—The animating example of my dear
husband stirs me up tiiuch. What a spiritual
life does he live ! Night and day he is always on
the stretch for God. I am a good deal encour¬
aged for the people. - I have much liberty in
meeting them, and my, soul feels sweet fellowship
with some among them.
November 1.—I feel the care which a new
place, and a new situation, is apt to bring on, and
it disturbs the peace which should be kept in my
soul. " Lord, increase my faith \" There are
many peculiar circumstances in our affairs, and
strangers are concerned therein; but in the end I
have found it all work for good: it has been to
me a good and useful lesson. First, ,1 find it a
cause of rejoicing that I have found so much love
to the persons concerned in it; and secondly,
while I was praying about it, it seemed as if the
Lord showed me, as immediately from himself,
that I was not required to have any anxious care,
but that doing as well as I could, I might leave
all to God. And if still I could not have things
as I would wish, that it was the most profitable
cross in the world; for it may be helpful to the
204 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
soul, after doing all we can, to appear a fool in
the eyes of men. Those words also bore much
on my mind :
" Fix on his work thy constant eye:
So shall thy work he done."
I now- felt a sweet calm waiting on the will of
God, and I could say, Lord, I leave every thing
to thee ! " One only care my soul shall know 1"
As I was telling the whole affair to my dearest
husband, he said, " Polly, do not encumber your¬
self for my sake. If we must be thought igno¬
rant and awkward, let us submit to it. I require
nothing of thee, my Polly, but to be more and
more devoted to God."
November 12.—Glory ! unceasing glory to my
adorable Lord ! This day we have been married
one year. 0 how does my soul praise God for
his gracious providence ! What a helpmate is he
to me, and how much better do we love one
another this day than we did this day twelve
months ! On a close examination, I have reason
to believe my soul is coming forward. I have
seen this year many and great changes, had many
trials and many comforts, and I have learned
much experience in various things, which has
been much blessed to me. 0 for the moment
when I shall become a whole burnt-sacrifice !
Having had some hurry by means of unex¬
pected company staying in the house, and some
other things, and reflecting how hard it is to keep
up uninterrupted communion with God in out¬
ward hurry, it was opened before me, that the
LIFE or MRS. FLETCHER. 205
very spirit of the Christian life stood in the
strictest observations of these words: " If a
man offend not in tongue, the same is a perfect
man, and able also to bridle the whole body."
Now, for want of this watchfulness, I offend
often, and that causes distraction of spirit, and
much hurt many ways. If I had a more constant
waiting, a more continual attention to the Spirit
of God, I believe I should find much more room
for silence than I usually do; and that when it
Was my duty to speak, my words would have more
weight. 0 my God, bring me to this by the way
that thou knowest.: give me a watchful mind!
an eye always fixed on thee, and a far deeper
sense of thy sacred presence! I also want a
greater power of faith to lead on these precious
souls that are under my qpre to more abundant
life. Many are now just on the river's brink, but
it seems they want a better helper to assist in
bringing them over.
May 21, 1783.—This day has been a day of
trial. In the morning, as I walked out about six
o'clock, Mr. 's letter of last night came with
pain to my mind. I do not like the good that is
in my dearest Mr. Fletcher to be evil spoken of.
Before dinner I strove to get near to God, but
having been up most of last night, I was very
heavy. In the afternoon I could do but little,
but I strove to pray. That passage in Mr. Wes¬
ley's Notes on the First Epistle of St. John was
much blessed and very sweet to me : " Love is
the beginning of eternal life: the same in sub¬
stance with glory." Also St. John's words, " He
18
206 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
that abideth in him sinneth not." I saw love
comprised all in itself. For two hours I was led
to lie before the Lord, though with many distrac¬
tions, yet mingled with faith and longing desire.
0 when wilt thou take up in me thine everlasting
abode!
May 22.—I have this day been engaged in
company, and sweetly met the order of God
therein. I was enabled to be watchful; and,
blessed be God, my tongue has been kept. We
took sweet counsel together, and I felt the Lord
was the director of all within and without.
August 5.—Since the above, (May 22,) what
have I seen of the goodness of the Lord! A.
fever has been in the parish, which took off many
whom we saw it our duty to attend. It brought
eternity very near, and that always does me good.
It came into our family; and Sally was attacked
with it. But my gracious God supported me
under all burdens, and raised her up again in a
wonderful manner. Soon after her recovery, Dr.
Coke came in his way from Dublin. When I
heard he was below, I felt an unusual spring of
pleasure, with something of a conviction that he
brought a message from the Lord. I instantly
felt a spirit of submission, and as it were a listen¬
ing to the will of God. So I have often felt when
some conviction of fresh duty was about to be
made plain to me. A few days before this, as I
was one morning at prayer, I thought of one of
our neighbors, (a speaker among the Friends,)
who was gone to Ireland. It was suggested,
Should I be called thither, could I resolve to go ?
LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER. 207
It reall/'seemed I could not. The sea, to me
ever terrible, appeared then doubly so, and I
groaned under the thought. Where is faith and
resignation ?
When we came into the parlor, we found the
Doctor had brought some letters from Dublin to
each of us, by which it seemed the cloud moved
that way. We said but little then, but went
to church, where the Doctor preached. Before
we came out, my soul was all readiness to go
to the world's end, if my adorable Lord so or¬
dered it.
When we came home, I followed my dear to his
study, and told him, if he saw it' his call to go, I
saw it mine to follow him. He tenderly objected
my health, as I had been very poorly Some time,
and in such a state of relaxation, that I waked
for several mornings with blood in my mouth;
but I believed that was not to hinder. Since
that day we have been preparing for our journey;
and I have enjoyed some communion with God
in so doing. Satan is not wanting to suggest
every thought that can raise fear. One day I
was thinking, what would save me from all pain¬
ful fear! If the Lord was to give me a promise
of our safe return, that my dear husband's health
should not be hurt, and that we should have much
success when there, would that do ? I hesitated,
and my confidence seemed to be shook by tempta¬
tion. I then thought, What will enable me to
drink this cup to the glory of my Lord? My
heart presently answered, Nothing but an entire
resignation: a losing of my whole will in that of
208 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
my,Lord's; and here I instantly found I was on
a solid rock.
The trial is not come single. My dear hus¬
band's health is not very good. ^That the
Lord will do with us I know not. We are, how¬
ever, ready for setting off. I feel my heart much
enlarged, and my spirit so willing to do and suffer
the whole will of God, that it amazes the. When
I think of my dear husband's life or health being
in danger, I am not anxious as I used to be, but
can rest in the love and wisdom of my unchange¬
able Friend. For this I praise him, because no
words can express the treasure I possess in our
union. It is such as I had no idea was to be
enjoyed in a married state; and in proportion as I
get nearer to God, I find a daily increase of that
union: and yet I am enabled so to give him up
to the Lord, that it holds my soul in a quiet
dependence and sweet adherence to the will of
God,
William street, Dublin, September 12.—This
day of our birth calls for solemn praise. I say.
our birth, because, as far as we can learn, my
dear Mr. Fletcher was born on the same day ten
years before me. And why were we ever brought
into being? Here is the comfortable answer: "I
have created thee for my glory: I have formed
thee for my praise 0 let us answer that de¬
sign for ever!
Many were my conflicts before we set out for
this place. At one time it was represented to
me, that when we were on the watery element,
the prince of the power of the air would exert
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 209
all his efforts against us. As the thought pre¬
sented, in a moment those words sprang up in
my heart;
"We shall he safe, for Christ displays
Superior power and guardian grace."
The Lord gave me to see the whole universe so
under his command, as I cannot express. I saw
him as "holding the winds in his fist," and "the
waters in the hollow of his hand;" and that
sooner all nature should change, than one of God's
promises fail. I am naturally inexpressibly fear¬
ful, with all sorts of fear, beyond what words can
paint; and it was often represented, if I went
among strangers, I should, by that weakness,
bring much discouragement on the feeble ones of
the flock. But the instance of Gideon was
brought before me, and I was made to feel the
Lord can get himself glory by the weakest worm;
and my heart answered, 0 will Divine, which I
adore and love! what a rest there is to be found
in thee!
Well, in this will, withlhe prayers and blessing
of many of our friends, on August the 12th we
set off. As we drove from our own door, and my
dear was commending us to the protection of the
Lord, that word rested on my mind with power,
I am thy shield. When we passed the Birches,
(where a few years ago that remarkable phenom¬
enon occurred,) Mr. Fletcher pointed out to me
the roads and fields which were so lately covered
with the river. We could not but be much amazed
at the stupidity of the human heart. Most of the
18*'
210 LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER.
inhabitants seem almost to have forgotten the
whole transaction! and we were led to observe
how vain is the common objection to the miracles
of our Lord, or to the sun standing still at Josh¬
ua's word, that they are not recorded in common
history. Ah, no! That which does not take
hold on the sinful affections is soon lost and for¬
gotten ! While we were conversing on the above
subject, we passed the Eaton Constadine, a little
village rendered famous by the birth of that great
servant of God, Mr. Baxter, with whose spirit we
joined our feeble act of worship before the throne.
At night we were affectionately received by
Mrs. Glynne, of Shrewsbury, whose love to the
children of God does not grow cold. May He
who hath promised the prophet's reward, repay
her in time and eternity ! While my dear was
preaching that night, on the danger of being
ashamed of the gospel, my heart yearned toward
the people of that place, and the cry of my spirit
was, " 0 that these people might live before thee !"
The next morning we pursued our journey as far
as Llangollen, in Wales'; but all the horses being
out, we were constrained to abide there all night.
Inquiring (as we walked about the town) whether
they had any praying people among them, the
poor things answered us in the best manner they
could; and after consulting together, they said,
"Yes, sir, there are some people who pray in
houses at the other end of the town, but we do
not know what they be." Another said, "This'
very night there is a man to preach in the chapel
belonging to these praying people." According
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 211
to their direction we went to the place, and found
a few poor people gathered in a building, I believe
part of an old house. The preacher seemed very-
earnest and lively; I say seemed, for we could not
understand one word, except gogoniant and gwaed,
glory and blood; which, with much emphasis, he
often repeated. After we were returned to our
inn, the few who could understand English came
to us, and desired my dear to give them a sermon
in the morning, which he did on these words:
"This is his commandment, that we should be¬
lieve on the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and
love one another, as he hath given us command¬
ment." It was a good time, and several were
present who understood English. We then set off
for Conway, and Friday afternoon reached Holy¬
head. Here, for some reasons, I wished to stop
a little, and inquiring when a vessel w.ould sail,
we were informed not till next morning. Mr.
Fletcher was but poorly. A swelling which he
had on his face now broke, and gave him much
inconvenience; but on Saturday morning we were
informed that the packet was going off. Some
of the people said, "The wind is quite contrary:
you will have but a disagreeable passage;" but
believing it to be the order of God, we embarked.
Now I remembered how the Lord had shown me,
" He measureth the waters in the hollow of his
hand." The wind soon grew more favorable, and
the sea so smooth, that it seemed to me as if I
heard him say, Peace, be still! Mr. Fletcher was
not much affected by the sea, but I was very ill.
About one o'clock on Sunday morning we cast
212
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
anchor three miles from Dublin. We then got
into a boat, -which was rather troublesome, as the
tide kept it in continual agitation; but through
the goodness of the Lord we arrived safe. After
being hindered for some time by the custom-house
officers, we reached by five in the morning the
hotel on Dublin quay.
We now abide with our hospitable friends, Mr.
and Mrs. Smyth, in William street, and have seen
much of the Lord's hand in bringing us hither.
My dear husband has been favored with such an
unction in preaching the word, that it distils "as
the dew on the mown grass." The present
preachers in Dublin, brothers Rutherford and
Jackson, are truly simple, pious men, and respect
that command, "In honor preferring one another."
They heartily rejoice in the message my dear hus¬
band delivers among them. There are some spir¬
its in this place in whom we find a degree of the
primitive simplicity, rejoicing to see a stranger
whom they believe the Lord has sent to be "a
helper of their joy."
I feel a faith riveted in my heart that before it is
long there will be a great revival of the work of God
in Dublin. I feel much liberty in meeting the
classes. Here are a few souls truly athirst for full
salvation, and many who inquire after the most
excellent way. Our kind and generous host and
hostess allow us all freedom in their house, for
the glory of God, and the good of his people; and
as their servants also are pious, upright persons,
we can here worship with them in calm and bro¬
therly love.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 213
Madeley, October 30.—How much of thy good¬
ness, 0 my God, have I seen since'I last wrote!
On the seventh of this month we left Dublin, and
embarked in a Liverpool brig, bound for Holy¬
head. We had a long way to go in the boat, and
about eight at night entered the vessel. The
sea was then pretty smooth; but in the night the
wind grew high, and the captain thought the sea
more swelling than he had seen it for some years.
It was what they call very squally; and we were
extremely sick, far worse than in going. Those
words, given me before I left home, were much
on my mind:
"And shall he not have
The life which he gave
So precious a ransom for ever to save?"
And also, "Though I remain in the uttermost
parts of the sea, there shall his hand guide me,
and his right hand shall hold me." I could not
tell whether they were not a call to sacrifice our
lives to Him who had sacrificed his for us; but I
lay still before the Lord, in the spirit of resigna¬
tion, saying, "Thy will be done."
In going over, my dear husband's tender atten¬
tion was a great alleviation to my suffering, but
now we were both so ill (as was also Sally) we
could scarce speak or look towards each other, but
only wait before the Lord, that all his will might
be done. Toward morning, the pump told us the
vessel was leaky, but it was in a small degree, and
we were near land. It served to remind us of
that word, "There is but a step between me and
death!"
214 LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER.
Since out return I have closely examined what
I have lost or got in these last three months. I
exceedingly praise the Lord that ever we went
to Dublin, and that for various reasons. ^ There
are some souls there with whom my spirit found
much fellowship; at whose feet I sat, and, I trusty
learned many useful lessons. My dear Mr.
Fletcher preached in several places besides the
preaching-house in Whitefriars street, both to
the French and English, and we had some re¬
markable proofs that he was called there of God.*
I have also learned more of my own weakness
and ignorance. I know not I ever found a more
* Haying visited Dublin soon after the departure of these servants
of God, I can add my testimony to the great and good effects which
resulted from their visit, and their truly evangelical labors. Never
did I see such deep impressions made on the minds of that people,
except, perhaps, in the very short visits of Mr. Wesley. But he had
the care of all the churches, and was occupied with that care in
every place. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher had a liberty in that respect
which our father in the gospel could not have. They were the un¬
encumbered helpers of the people's joy: and it was truly the joy of
the Lord. Those Divine impressions were deep and abiding; and,
as Mrs. Fletcher hoped, a great revival of pure religion followed in
that society. It had usually consisted of about five hundred per¬
sons, but it soon increased to upwards of one thousand, and has
never since fallen below that number. Such longing after entire
conformity to the Son of God, I never beheld! It seemed to he the
general sentiment of all, from the highest to the lowest of the peo¬
ple. How wide this sacred influence might have extended, who can
tell, if a poor sectarian spirit had not limited the labors of the man
of God ? On their arrival at Dublin, their host, Mr. Smyth, a dis¬
tinguished and most respectable gentleman, applied to the rector
of St. Andrew's parish (in which he lived) for Mr. Fletcher to preach
in his church, and, as he was a beneficed minister, it was immedi¬
ately granted. The church (commouly called the Round Church)
was crowded to excess. Mr. Fletcher's text was, "Almost thou per-
suadest me to be a Christian." Acts xxvi. 28. He showed what it
was to be a Christian, from the liturgy which had just been read;
beginning with the general confession, and the authoritative decla¬
ration of pardon to those "who truly repent, and unfeignedly be¬
lieve his holy gospeland going on to that " cleansing of our hearts
by the inspiration of his Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. S?15
humbling season than while I was there. My
continual prayer was, Ah! Lord, break me in
pieces! Melt me down and let me flow, and more
fully take the mould Divine! My soul is deeply
convinced of the need of being filled with "all
the fruit of the Spirit," or I shall never bring
glory to my God. 0 that thou wouldst accom¬
plish all thy will upon me!
Since our return, my dear husband has taken
another journey of about two hundred miles, from
which he has a good deal suffered. His face is
not yet well. But the unwearied patience and
resignation wherewith he goes through all, is to
me a continual lesson, which I wish to imitate.
November 12.—And do we see the anniversary
of our blessed union yet another year? And are
we yet more happy and more tender toward each
other? Yes, glory be to God! we are; and what
i3 better, I can truly say, our souls get nearer to
God. We are more spiritual, and live more for
eternity. What have we passed through together
him, and worthily magnify his holy name, through Jesus Christ our
Lord." He then proceeded to persuade them, with an earnestness
and power that astonished the congregation, some of whom seemed
to doubt if he were not more than human. But, alas! it was soon
known that Mr. Fletcher preached that same evening at the Method¬
ist preaching-house 1 The pulpits of the churches were immediately
shut against him, with the exception of the French church. The
first time he preached there, his text was, " Call to remembrance
the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a
great fight of afflictions." Hebrews x. 32. He thus brought before
them the faith of their ancestors, and the persecutions that had
driven them from their native land, and strongly enforced the in¬
quiry, Do ye now believe? When some of the people were asked,
" Why did you go to the French church to hear Mr. Fletcher, when
you could not understand one word he said?" they answered, "We
went to look at him, for heaven seemed to beam from his counte¬
nance!"—Ed.
216
LIFE or MRS. FLETCHER.
since this day twelvemonth! What a tender, kind
friend hath he proved himself to me in every cir¬
cumstance of each situation! And now Provi¬
dence hath so graciously brought us again to our
own country, and quiet habitation. O that we
may live to him more than ever!
Yesterday I was much blessed in offering up
my whole self, with all my concerns, into the hand
of God, believing he would appoint me all my
work, and all my crosses. He showed me he
would make his will known to me through that
of my dear husband, and that I was to accept his
directions as from God, and obey him as the
Church does Christ—that I must give myself to
his guidance as a child, and wherever we were
called, or however employed in the work of God,
I should always find protection, and glorify God,
while I renounced all choice by doing the will of
another rather than my own. This, indeed, I
have always seen; but it was now more deeply
impressed on my heart, as I was assured there
was no danger in doing so, having his guidance.
I saw how often, through that unaccountable fear
which presses down my spirit, I have been afraid
to follow in the ways he hath pointed out, and so
have hindered the order of God. Lord, from this
day I covenant afresh to be in this particular at
thy own 'disposal!
February 3, 1784.—This day my convictions
have been greatly deepened concerning the sin of
unwatcnfulness in the use of my tongue. We
must be willing to be dumb, and not open our
mouth, when God's order calls us to it; and to be
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 217
fools in the eyes of man, that we may receive the
true wisdom.
September 12.—This day I am forty-five years
old. Lord, what hath my setting sun to shine on ?
Must I say, A lost life ? 0, how much of it hath
been so! What might I have been ! What might
I have done for thee, O God! Yet this day I
have had such a sense of the goodness of God to¬
ward me as I cannot express. I am filled with
favors! I have the best of husbands, who daily
grows more and more spiritual, and I think more
healthful, being far better than when we first
married. My call is also so clear, and I have
such liberty in the work, and such sweet encour¬
agement among the people. My servant too is
much improved, and as faithful as if she was my
own child. An income quite comfortable, and a
good deal to help the poor with! 0 what shall I
render to the Lord for all the mercies he hath
shown unto me!
October.—As I was retired this morning at my
ten o'clock hour, I was called down to Mary
G . I asked her if she still retained her
spiritual liberty. I found by her answers £liat
she did, which caused me to praise the Lord.
She gave me a strange account, which I shall in¬
sert as she related it. A short time ago, she
said, she was one day going out to work in the
fields, but thought she would first go up stairs to
prayer. While on her knees, praising God for
the care he had taken of her children, she was
amazed to see her eldest son, about twenty-one
years old, standing before her! She started up,
19
218 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
but thought, Maybe it is the enemy to affright
me from prayer. Casting her eyes again to the
same spot, she still saw him there, on which §he
ran down into the kitchen, calling on the name
of the Lord. Still,-wherever she looked, she saw
him standing before her, pale, and as if covered
with dirt! Concluding from this that he was
killed, she ran to her mother, who, on hearing
the account, went directly to the pit, determined
to have him 'home, if alive. On her drawing near
the pit she heard a great tumult, for the earth had
fallen in on him and two other men, and the peo¬
ple were striving to dig them out. At length he
was got up alive and well, and came home to his
mother, pale and dirty, just as she had seen him!
She then fell on her knees, and began praising
that God who hears and answers prayer! Many
of the ungodly neighbors having been witness to
the whole transaction, are much affected, and I trust
this very strange occurrence will work for good.*
October.—Yesterday I was very much taken
up in house affairs. Various things occurred which
would at sometimes have been a burden; but every
thing seemed blessed. These words were all day
the language of my heart:
"With thee delighted I forget
All time, and toil, and care:
Labor is rest, and toil is sweet,
If thou, my God, he there." •
It was a day of prayer and sweet recollection.
This day also I have found much of the presence
* Was pot this extraordinary dispensation permitted for the good
of these ignorant ungodly persons, who were not likely to be moved
by more rational means?—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 219
of God. 0 for a power of self-denial in all things
to do his will!
November 12.—We have been married three
years this day. A good day it has been to me!
My spirit has been much drawn out in prayer for
a further lift of faith, without which I am sensi¬
ble I cannot obtain the fulfilment of that promise,
"Her clothing shall be of wrought gold!" As I
was this day reflecting on the wonderful goodness
of God in my providential union with my dear
husband, (so far, so®very far beyond my warmest
wishes,) my heart was enlarged with desire to ren¬
der to my God a suitable return for all his mercies!
I cried from the bottom of my soul to the Father,
that he would draw me to the Son! _ I called on
Christ as my living head! It was a peculiar season.
These words have ever since abode on my mind:
" See him to thy help come down,
The excellence Divine."
November 16.—A thought struck my mind to¬
night, as I was looking over some part of my diary,
that there is not praise enough for spiritual bless¬
ings. I express my wants, but'I ought to praise'
the Lord without ceasing, that he gives me such
an open door to pour out my wants into his bosom;
and the answers to prayer I have of late found,
have been so quick, so certain, and so wonderful,
I am amazed!
In July last, we believed the Lord called us to
Yorkshire for a few weeks,* and many answers to
prayer did we meet with in that journey. Soon
* To attend the Conference—the last at which Mr. Fletcher was
present.—Ed.
220 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER
after our return, my dear husband was called to
take another journey. I knew he would meet
with much fatigue therein; and every journey hurts
him much; but I was amazed at the calm resigna¬
tion I felt; the language of my heart was,
"Happy to meet, yet free to part,
Through thee for ever one in heart."
This autumn I have been a good deal among the
people, and have found great liberty both in pub¬
lic and private meetings. Two dear souls have
been lately brought in; and* though persecution
burns hot against them, they are yet firm, and
rejoice that they "are counted worthy to suffer
for the cause of Grod." ' Lord, keep them, and
make them firm as the beaten anvil to the stroke I
Lord's day.—My dear husband was very poorly,
and had much appearance of a fever. In the
morning meeting I told the dear women we must
hold him up by prayer; an d indeed I felt our prayers
had free access to the Lord. It would have warmed
a heart of stone to have heard Mary Matthews give
her simple, yet solid and wise declaration of the
goodness of God. She had been a long time creep¬
ing hither with her sore leg; but she seemed scarce
to know which to praise God most for, the strength
he had given her to do so, or the pain she had
felt all the night before! "For," said she, "if I
had not had pain, I should have slept. But in¬
stead of that, I had such a Divine visit from my
Lord, and such sweet intercourse with him, I
would not have been without it for all the world."
This woman grows much in grace; she is to me a
great consolation, and a help in training up some
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 221
of the lambs of the flock. She had been for some
years in a mourning state, (though she still re¬
tained her faith,) but the first Sabbath my dear
husband and I spoke in the kitchen, she was set
at liberty while these words were sung:
" The year of jubilee is come!
Return, ye ransomed sinners, home!"
January 5, 1785.—I have this day been look¬
ing over my many, mercies, and my heart was
melted into love! 0 what a prospect! Lord,
speak again to my heart, "Thou shalt walk with
me in white!" I cast my whole self on thy
.mercy ! So much I feel of it as makes me rest
under thy shadow ! Thy will shall be my choice !
Sometimes I think I am so surrounded with com¬
forts, I shall not answer that character, " These
are they which came out of great tribulation."
But I abandon myself to thy dear will, only let
me glorify thee to the uttermost! Yea, with every
power ! It was a good time last night also while
at the prayer-meeting.
Yesterday I went with my dear husband to
, but being taken ill, I was forced to return
home. This is often the case with me. I am
oft disappointed in what appears at first the will
of God; but at this time it was far otherwise.
I felt a pleasure in appearing mean and good for
nothing. Yes, I will glory in my infirmity, that
the will of God may be done in me !
July 2.—Much blessed to-day while my dear
husband was preaching the sermon to the club.
I had a sweet sight how union with God could
transform the soul into his own image.
19*
222 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
July 26.—This summer being dry, I have had
much opportunity of going about. One day, at
the Rough Park, I had a peculiar instance of the
goodness of God. A son of Belial, a wicked,
rude fellow, bound himself and another young
man, whom he had drawn in, under a blasphem¬
ous oath, that they would be there by the time
we began, in order to make a disturbance. Ac¬
cordingly, about six o'clock, he was for setting
off, when he was suddenly struck as with death.
All about him really thought he was dying. He
continued thus for some hours. 0 how easily
can the Lord put his bridle into the jaws of those
he would restrain! I gave it out to be there
again that day fortnight, but in the meantime I
walked to a distant place, rather beyond my
strength; however, we had a good time. On my
return home, I felt very weary, and the thought
passed my mind, My soul is too swift for my
body; for it seemed as if it would fly to those
places where there appeared a call. My earthly
frame, however, was too heavy to drag after it.
That night I began to grow ill, and it terminated
in a fever. My limbs swelled a good deal, and
I was covered with red spots; but had not much
pain. Now I had a fresh instance of the tender
care and love of my blessed partner: sickness
was made pleasant by his kind attention. When
the day came for me to be at the Rough Park, he
went himself, but was so penetrated with the
thought of losing me, that he preached as it
were my funeral sermon; and the dear people
joined him in his feelings and prayer. During
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 223
this illness many thoughts passed my mind,
which I can scarce account for. For a good
while past my dear husband has joined with me
in prayer in an uncommon manner. We are led
to offer ourselves to do and suffer all the will of
Gfod. Something seems to tell me I must have
more of the bitter cup; and these words are
much with me : " That I may stand in the evil
day, and having done all—stand." My prayer
is, That the evil day may be before death,—not
at the last. But, Lord, thy will—thy whole will
be done!
Certainly I have now scarce any cross. Thou
hast made my cup to run over! Yea, thou hast
made me to forget all my sorrows. It seems as
if I had never suffered any thing ! There is not
a comfort I can wish for which I have not; but
Lord, I want more grace !
October 25.—When I wrote last, (July 26,) I
was indeed arrived at the summit of human fe¬
licity ! My cup did indeed run over! I often
said, Lord, how is this? Am I indeed one of
those of whom it is said, " These are they who
came out of great tribulation ?" My way is
strewed with roses. I am ready to say, with Jo¬
seph, " The Lord hath made me to forget all my
afflictions, and all my father's house !"
. But 0 ! how shall I write it! On the four¬
teenth of August, 1785, the dreadful, moment
came ! The sun of my earthly joys for ever set,
and the cloud arose which casts the sable on all
my future life! At half-past ten that Sabbath
night, I closed the eyes of my beloved! What a
224 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
change! The whole creation wears a new face
to me. The posture of my mind at this season I
will not trust to my memory to describe. I will leave
it in the rough manner I then set it down. Per¬
haps some one walking in the same dreary path
may find a little comfort therefrom. To others
it may he dry and insipid. " The heart knoweth
its own bitterness."
On September 15, 1785, I wrote in my diary
as follows : "I am truly a desolate woman, who
hath no helper but thee." I remember a little
before the translation of my dearest love, we were
drawn out continually to ask for a greater mea¬
sure of the Spirit—such a measure as was given
at Pentecost; or, in other words, such a manifest¬
ation of the loving nature of God, as should fulfil
in us that promise, " Ye are the temples of the
Holy Ghost." This I asked and pleaded for, and
that on any condition. My dear Mr. Fletcher
used to say, "That is right, Polly: let us hold
fast there, and leave all the rest to God, though
he should be constrained to part us asunder to
give the answer."
On the Tuesday before my love died, when
those words were applied to my mind, "Where I
am, there shall my servants be, that they may be¬
hold my glory," I felt such a power in them, as
seemed in a great degree to take away the bitter¬
ness even of that dreadful cup. " To behold my
glory !" That thought would for moments swal¬
low up all, and I seemed to lose myself in the
desire of his glory being manifested. But that
awful night! when I had hung over my dear bus-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 225
band for many hours, expecting every breath to
be his last, and during which time he could not
speak to nor take any notice of me, a flood of
unspeakable sorrow overspread my heart, and
quite overwhelmed my spirit. I was scarcely in
my senses; and' such a fear seized my soul lest I
should say or do any thing displeasing to the
Lord, that I was torn as it were a thousand ways
at once.
My fatigue had been great: I was barely re¬
covered of my fever, and this stroke so tore my
nerves, that it was an inlet to much temptation.
In former parts of my life, I have felt deep sor¬
row; but such were now my feelings, that no
words that I am able to think of can convey any
adequate idea thereof. The next morning—0
my God ! what a cup didst thou put into my
hand ! Not only my beloved husband, but it ap¬
peared to me my Saviour also, was torn from me!
Clouds and darkness surrounded both soul and
body ! The sins even of my infancy came be¬
fore me, and assaulted me as thick as hail! I
seemed to have no love, no faith, no light; and
yet I could not doubt but I should see the smil¬
ing face of God in glory! yea, that heaven
would terminate all my sufferings! There did
not seem one dart thrown at my final salvation.
An unshaken belief that Christ would bring me
through all, was my great support; and it seemed
to me that I must have been annihilated had I
been moved from that anchor. No finite creature
could have supported it. My agonized soul
seemed to sweat blood; and I felt the meaning
226 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
of those words, " The pains of hell gat hold upon
me !" What, said I, is this the soul that but a
few days ago delighted in the thought of " His
glory !" But now he hath entered into judg¬
ment with me! My soul was amazed, and in
deep anguish) and literally my life drew nigh to
the grave!
When formerly I have read accounts like this,
I have thought, These persons have a strong way
of expressing themselves; but, alas! I solemnly
declare, no expression appears to me strong enough
for what I felt. That word passed my mind sev¬
eral times:
" Even to his Father did he look
In pain—his Father him forsook 1"
A host of foes seemed to surround me, and I was
(as it appeared to me) given into their hands.*
Those words came often to my mind, 11 To know
him, and the power of his resurrection and the
fellowship of his sufferings." Sometimes I re¬
membered that expression, " My God ! my God !
why hast thou forsaken me ?" I cast my mourn¬
ful eyes toward the " Man of sorrows" who spoke
them, but there seemed no answer: all was hor¬
ror and darkness.
Many times a day .1 visited my lovely corpse,
* This whole account describes truly "the hour and the power of
darkness." " The blast of the terrible ones" was indeed " as a storm
against.the wall!" But this "follower of Christ," nevertheless,
" walked not in darkness." She, like her Master, could say, " My
God! my God!" when her "soul was sorrowful even unto death."
Thus, "Heaven its choicest gold by suffering tried." The saint,
sustained it—but the woman felt; and she no more disguised her
feelings than our Divine Master did.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 227
remembering, as I knelt beside bim, how he used
to say, "Ah ! my dear Polly, must I ever see thee
laid out on this bed!" But, alas ! he could no
more speak to me—no more express his tender
sympathy! Now "I trod the winepress alone/'
and truly " there was none with me." The rest
of the day I sat mostly alone in the next room,
where my window presented to my view the grave
digging, and the churchyard visited by numbers
to look at the vault! Soon it occurred to my
mind, that before we married some letters had
passed between us on particular subjects, which
he had often told me I had better burn : saying,
" Thou puttest it off; and if one of us should
die, it will almost kill the other to do it then."
Yet, being loath to part with them, I had neg¬
lected to do it; but now being seized with a kind
of palsy, and loss of memory, I thought, Per¬
haps, in another day, I may not be able to do it,
and then I shall be unfaithful to my dear hus¬
band's command. The third day, therefore, I
carried them to the fire. But 0 ! what did I feel
at the sight! I could not even avoid seeing some
of the tender expressions they contained, which
were now as barbed arrows to my heart. Next
day came on the funeral.
All this time my soul was as in the lion's den.
The day after, I heard that some reports were
abroad concerning my dear husband's death—as
if he had been delirious, and expired in great
agonies. I believed I was called to write the
truth; and casting myself on the Lord,- to be
guided by-his hand as a mere machine, I took up
228
life of mrs. fletcher.
my pen and wrote to Mr. Wesley the following
letter. I wrote it at one sitting, intending to
copy it afterward; but I had no more strength
than just sufficed for the occasion. I sent it,
therefore, as it was, to the press, and left it all to
God.
"August 18, 1785.
"Rev. and very dear Sir:—Though but
yesterday I parted with my beloved husband's re¬
mains, I must now endeavor to collect my wounded
mind, as I would not have any of his words fall
to the ground, and give, if possible, some account
of the awful, but, to him, glorious scene.
" Our union increased daily, as did his health
and strength : his consumptive complaint appeared
quite removed, and in my eyes the bitterness of
death was past. The work was sweetly prosper¬
ing, and in a variety of circumstances the sun of
prosperity shone around us.
" For some time before this last illness, his
precious soul (always alive to God) was particu¬
larly penetrated with the nearness of eternity:
there was scarce an hour in which he was not
calling upon me to drop every thought and every
care, that we might attend to nothing but drink¬
ing deeper into God. We spent much time in
wrestling prayer for the fulness of the Spirit, and
were led in a very peculiar manner to an act of
abandonment (as we called it) of our whole selves
into the hands of God, to do or suffer whatever
was pleasing to him. On Thursday, August 4,
he was taken up in the work of God from three
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 229
in the afternoon till nine at night: when he came
home, he said, ' I have taken cold.' Friday and
Saturday he-was but poorly, though he went out
part of the da^ydaiit seemed uncommonly drawn
out in prayer. On Saturday night his fever first
appeared very strong. I begged him not to go to
the church in the niorning, but let a pious brother
who was here preach, in the yard; but he told me
he believed it was thlp will of the Lord, and that
he was assured it wa"3~ right he should go: in
which case I never dared to dissuade him. As
I was in the morning with a little company of
our pious women, I begged they would pray
that he might be strengthened, and that I might
have a grain of that faith which supported the
faithful when their friends were martyred. In
reading the prayers, he almost fainted away. I
got through the crowd with a friend, and
entreated him to come out of the desk, as did
some others'; but he let us know, in his sweet
manner, that we were not to interrupt the order
of God. I then retired to my pew, where all
around me were in tears. When he was a little
refreshed by the windows being opened, and a
nosegay thrown into the desk by a friend, he
went on; and afterward going up into the pulpit,
preached with a strength and recollection that
surprised us all.
"In his first prayer he said, 'Lord, thou wilt
manifest thy strength in weakness : we confer not
with flesh and blood, but put our trust under the
shadow of thy wings.'
" His text was from Psalm xxxvi., ' Thou,
20
230 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
Lord, shalt save both man and^beast: bow excel¬
lent is thy mercy, 0 God; and the children of
men shall put their trust under the shadow of
thy wings.'
"After he had pointed out the Saviour of man¬
kind, and observed how some by sin had made
themselves beasts, he showed that the promise,
even in that sense, might be applied to the sinner,
as well as to the beasts of the earth; and in
speaking to these, with his usual earnestness, he
pressed, invited, and entreated them to return
unto God, enforcing those words of our Lord
when he came near to Jerusalem, and wept over
it: 'If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in
this thy day, the things which belong to thy
peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes.'
These words peculiarly pierced the hearts of
many, as they have since told me. He continued
to observe, in nearly the following words, ' That
the wings of the Lord are compared to those of
an eagle for strength and protection,' Exodus xix.:
'I bare you on eagles' wings, and brought you
unto myself;' and to those of a hen for love
and care, ' Like as a hen gathereth her chickens
under her wings.? In the Jewish tabernacle,
where was the holy of holies, two cherubim were
placed, whose extended wings joining together
overshadowed the mercy-seat. When Christ died
upon the cross, his arms were stretched out, and
these were as wings of love which he opened, and
still holds wide open, to receive all that come unto
him : let us, then, when we see his love and power
thus united to save and bless us, enter boldly into
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 231
the holy of holies through the door of Divine
mercy. A- friend threw me some flowers to re¬
vive me when I was faint, but the mercy of the
Lord is far more reviving: it is this I would hold
out to you, and drop it into your very bosoms:
may it sink deep there, that you may ' taste and
see how good the Lord is,' and confess that his
saving mercy is above the richest perfume, for
(he saves both man and beast!'
"After sermon he went up the aisle to the
communion table, with these words : i I am going
to throw myself under the wings of the cherubim
before the mercy-seat.'
"The congregation was large, and the service
held till near two. Sometimes he could scarcely
stand, and was often obliged to stop for want of
power to speak. The people were deeply affected.
Weeping was on every side. Gracious Lord!
how was it my soul was kept so calm in the midst
of the most tender feelings ? Notwithstanding
his extreme weakness, he gave out several verses
of hymns, and various lively sentences of exhor¬
tation. As soon as the service was over, we
hurried him away to his bed, where he imme¬
diately fainted away. He afterward dropped
into a sleep for some time, and upon waking,
cried out, with a pleasant smile, ' Now my dear,
thou seest I am no worse for doing the Lord's
work : he never fails me when I trust in him.'
After he had got a little dinner, he dozed most
of the evening: now and then waking (as was
usual with him) full of the praises of God. That
night his fever returned, but not so bad as on
232 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
Saturday: nevertheless, from Sunday his strength
decreased amazingly. On Monday and Tuesday
we had a little paradise together : he lay on a
couch iu the study, and was at times very rest¬
less, as to change of posture, but sweetly pleas¬
ant, and often slept for a good while. When-
awake, he delighted much in hearing me read
hymns and tracts on faith and love. His words
were all. animating, and his patience beyond what
I can express. When he had any bitter or nau¬
seous medicine to take, he seemed to enjoy the
cross, reminding me of a word he used often to
repeat, that our business was to seek a perfect
conformity to the will of God, and then leave him
to give us what comfort he saw good. I asked
him, if he should be taken from me, whether he
hid any particular directions or orders to give me,
sinfie I desired to form my whole life thereby.
He replied, ' No, not by mine—the Holy Ghost
shall direct thee : I have nothing particular to
say, only that the Lord will open all before thee ;
and let not any one bring thee into bondage. If
I stay with thee, I will keep thee from oppres¬
sion ; but if I should be taken from thee, beware.'
I said, Hast thou any conviction the Lord is
about to take thee ? He answered, ' No, not in
particular: only I always see death so inexpres¬
sibly near, that we both seem to stand as on the
verge of eternity.' While he slept a little, I
laid my trial before the Lord, entreating him, if
it was his good pleasure, to spare my beloved
husband a little longer; but my prayer seemed to
have no wiDgs. It. was held down, and I could
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 283
not help mingling continually therewith, Lord,
give me perfect resignation! This uncertainty in
my own mind made me rather tremble, lest the
Lord was going to take the-bitter cup out of my
dear's hand, and give it unto me. The cup of
separation he had for some weeks before very
deeply drunk of, when I myself was ill of the
fever. At that time he often passed through the
whole parting scene, and struggled for the forti¬
tude of perfect resignation. Sometimes he would
say at that season, 10 Polly! shall I ever see the
day when thou must be carried out to be buried ?
How will the little things which thou wast accus¬
tomed to use, and all those which thy tender care
has prepared for me in every part of the hotise,
how will they wound and distress me ! Hbw is
it! I think I feel jealousy—I am jealous of the
worms! I seem to shrink at giving my dear
Polly to the worms!'
" Now all these reflections returned with a mill¬
stone's weight on my heart. I cried to the Lord,
and those words were deeply impressed on my
spirit: 1 Where I am, there shall my servants be,
that they may behold my glory.' This promise
was full of matter as well as unction to my
soul. It explained itself thfis : That in Christ's
immediate presence was our home, and that we
should find our reunion in being deeply centred
in him. I received it as a fresh marriage for
eternity. As such I still take, and trust for ever
to hold it. All that day, whenever I thought of
this expression, 'to behold my glory,' it seemed
20*
234
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
to wipe every tear away, and was as tlie ring by
which we were joined anew.
"Awaking some time after, he said, 'Polly, I
will tell you what I have been thinking of: it
was Israel's fault that they asked for signs; we
will not do so ; but abandoning our whole selves
into the hands of God, we will there lie patiently
before him, assured that he will do all things well.'
" ' My dear love,' said I, ' if ever I have done
or said any thing to grieve thee, how will the re¬
membrance wound my heart, shouldst thou be
taken from me!'
" He entreated and charged me, with inexpressi¬
ble tenderness, not to allow the thought; declar¬
ing his thankfulness for our union, in a variety
of words which remain written on my heart, as
with the adamantine pen of friendship deeply
dipped in blood.
" On Wednesday, after groaning all day as it
were under the weight of the power , of God, he
told me he had received such a manifestation of
the full meaning of that word, ' God is love,' as
he could never be able to tell. ' It fills me,' said
he : 'it fills me every moment. 0 Polly ! my dear
Polly !' God is love ! Shout, shout aloud ! 0 ! it
so fills me, I want a'gust of praise to go to the
ends of the earth. But it seems as if I could
not speak much longer; let us fix on a sign be¬
tween ourselves: (tapping me twice with his dear
finger:) now I mean, God is love, and we will
draw each other into God : observe ! by this we
will draw each other into God.'
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 235
li Sally coming in, he cried out,i 0 Sally! God
is love! shout both of you: I want to hear you-
shout his praise/ Indeed, it was a season of love.
All this time the medical friend who attended
him with unwearied diligence, hoped he was in
no danger. He knew it to be the fever; but' as
he had no bad headache, much sleep, without the
least delirijim, and an almost regular pulse, sel¬
dom much quicker than my own, he thought the
symptoms amazingly mild; for though the dis¬
ease was commissioned to take his life, yet it
seemed so restrained by the power of God, that
we truly discerned in it the verity of those words,
Death is yours..
" On Thursday his speech began to fail. While
he was able he continued speaking to all who
came in his way. Accidentally hearing that a
stranger was in the house, he ordered her to be
called up, though uttering two sentences almdst
made him faint. To his friendly doctor he would
not be silent while he had any power of speech;
often saying, '0, sir, you take much thought for
my body : give me leave to take thought for your
soul.' And I believe his words will remain with
that friend for ever. When I could scarcely un¬
derstand any thing he said, I spoke these words,
' God is love/ Instantly he catched them as if
all his powers were awakened afresh, and broke
out in a rapture, ( God is love, love, love ! 0 for
that gust of praise I want to sound !' Here his
dear voice again failed. He was restless, and
often suffered many ways, but with such patience
as none but those who were with him can con-
236 LIFE OP MES. FLETCHEE.
ceive. If I named his sufferings, he would smile,
• and make the sign.
"On Friday, finding his dear body covered
with spots, I so far understood them as to feel a
sword pierce through my soul. As I was kneel¬
ing by his bed, with my hand in his, entreating
the Lord to be with us in this tremendous hour,
he strove to say many things, but .could not.
Pressing my hand, and often repeating the sign,
at last he breathed out, ' Head of the Church, be
head to my wife.' When, for a few moments I
was forced to leave him, to gather up some sheets
of one of his manuscripts, which I feared would
be lost, Sally said to him, ' My dear master, do
you know me?" He replied, 'Sally, God will
put his right hand under you.' She added, ' 0
my dear master, should you be taken away, what
a disconsolate creature will my poor dear mistress
be!' He replied, ' God will be her all in all.'
He had always delighted much in these words:
'Jesus' blood through earth and skies,
Mercy, free, boundless mercy cries 1'
And whenever I repeated them to him, he would
answer, ' Boundless, boundless, boundless!' and
in allusion to them, he now replied, though with
great difficulty,
' Mercy's full power I soon shall prove,
Loved with an everlasting love.'
" On Saturday afternoon his fever seemed quite
off, and a few Christian friends standing near the
bed, he reached his hand to each of them, and
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 237
looking on a minister, who was weeping by him,
he said, 'Are you ready to assist to-morrow V
Which recollection of his amazed us much, as
the day of the week had not been named in his
room. Most about him could not but believe he
was better, and would get over it. One said, 'Do
you think that the Lord will raise you up V He
strove to answer, saying, 'Raise in resur ,
raise in resur ,' meaning in the resurrection.
To another who asked the same question, he said,
' I leave it all to G-od.'
" In the evening his fever returned with vio¬
lence, and the mucus falling on the windpipe, oc¬
casioned him to be almost strangled. He suffered
greatly; and it was feared the same painful emo¬
tion would continue and grow more violent to the
last. This I felt most exquisitely, and cried to
the Lord to remove it; and, glory be to his name,
he did remove it; and it returned no more in
that way. As night drew on, I thought I per¬
ceived him dying very fast: his fingers could now
hardly move to make the sign, (which he seemed
scarce ever to forget,) and his speech, as it seemed,
was quite gone. I said, ' My dear creature, I ask
not for myself—I know thy soul—but for the
sake of others : if Jesus is very present with thee,
lift thy right hand/ He did so. I added, 'If
the prospect of glory sweetly opens before thee,
repeat the sign.' He then raised it again, and
in half a minute a second time; then threw it
up, with all his remaining strength, as if he
would reach the top of the bed ! After this his
dear hands moved no more; but on my saying,
238 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
'Art thou In much pain V he answered, ' No.'
From this time he entered into a state that
might be called a kind of sleep, though with eyes
open and fixed, and his hands utterly void of any
motion. For the most part he sat upright against
pillows, with his head a little inclined to one side;
and so remarkably composed and triumphant was
his countenance, that the least trace, of death was
scarcely discernible in it.
a " Twenty-four hours my dearly beloved was in
this situation, breathing like a person in common
sleep. About thirty-five minutes past ten, on
Sunday night, August 14th, his precious soul en¬
tered into the joy of the Lord, without one strug¬
gle or groan, in the fifty-sixth year of his age.
Often he had said, when hearing of happy deaths,
' Well, let us get holy lives, and we will leave the
rest to God.' But I, who was scarce a minute
at a time from him night or day, can truly say
that there was the strongest reason to believe,'
'No cloud did arise, to darken the skies,
Or hide, for one moment, his Lord from his eyes.'
"And here I break off my mournful story ! I
could say abundance more; but on my bleeding
heart his fair picture of heavenly excellence will
be for ever drawn. When I call to mind his ar¬
dent zeal—his laborious endeavors to seek and
save the lost—his diligence in the employment
of his time—his Christlike condescension toward
me, and his uninterrupted converse with Heaven,
I may well be allowed to add, my loss is beyond
the power of words to paint. 0 sir, you know I
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 239
have trodden deep waters; but ' all my afflictions
were nothing compared to this.' Well, I want
no pleasant prospect, but upward,:—nor any thing
whereon to fix my hope, but immortality.
"On the 17th his dear remains were deposited
in Madeley churchyard, amid the tears and la¬
mentations of thousands, who flocked about the
bier of their^dead pastor. Between the house and
the church, they sung these verses:
'With heavenly weapons he hath fought
The battles of the Lord;
Finished his course, and kept the faith,
And gained the great reward.
God hath laid up in heaven for him
A crown which cannot fade;
The righteous Judge, at that great Jay,
Shall place it on his head.'
"The service was performed by the Rev. Mr.
Hatton, rector of Waters-upton, whom the Lord
moved in a pathetic manner to speak to his weep¬
ing flock on the sad occasion. In the conclusion,
at my request, he read the following paper:
"As it was the desire of my beloved husband to
be buried in this plain manner, so, out of tender¬
ness, he begged that I might not be present; and
in all things I would obey him.
" Permit me then to take this opportunity, by
the mouth of a friend, to bear my open testimony
to the glory of G-od, that I, who have known him
in the most perfect manner, am constrained to
declare, I never knew any one walk so closely in
the ways of Grod as he did. The Lord gave him
a conscience tender as the apple of an eye. He
literally preferred the interest of every one to his
own. He was rigidly just, but perfectly loose
240 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
from all attachment to the world. He shared his
all with the poor, who lay so close to his heart,
that on the approach of death, though his speech
was so gone that he could utter nothing without
difficulty, he cried out, '0, my poor! What will
become of my poor! I am dead to my poor!' He
was blessed with so great a degree of humility as
is scarcely to be found. I am witness how often
he has taken a real pleasure in being treated with
contempt; indeed, it seemed the very food of his
soul to be little and unknown. When he said to
me, 'Thou wilt write a line or two to my brother
in Switzerland, if I die/ I replied, 'My dear love,
I will write him all the Lord's dealings with thee.'
'No, no/ said he, 'write nothing about me: I de¬
sire to be forgotten: God is all!'
"His zeal for souls I need not tell you: let
the labor of twenty-five years, and a martyr's
death in the conclusion, imprint it on your hearts.
His diligent visitation of the sick laid, to appear¬
ance, the foundation of the spotted fever, which,
by God's commission, tore him from you and me;
and his vehement desire to take his last leave of
you, with dying lips and hands, gave (it is sup¬
posed) the finishing stroke, by preparing his blood
for putrefaction. Thus hath he lived and died
your servant. And will any of you refuse to meet
him at God's right hand on that day?
"He walked with death always in sight; and
about two months ago he came to me one day, and
said, ' My dear love, I know not how it is, but I
have a strange impression death is very near us,
a3 if it be some sudden stroke upon one of us;
life of mrs. fletcher. 241
and it draws out all my soul in prayer that we may
be ready.' He then broke out, 'Lord, prepare
the soul thou wilt call; and 0, stand by the poor
disconsolate one who shall be left behind.'
"A few days before his departure, he was filled
with love in an uncommon manner, saying to me,
' I have had such a discovery of the depth of that
word, God is love, as I cannot tell thee half, but
it fills me, it fills me. 0 Polly, my dear Polly,
God is love! Shout his praise! I want a gust-of
praisO to reach to the ends of the earth.' And
the same he testified as long as he had voice, and
continued to testify to the end, by a most lamb¬
like patience, in which he victoriously smiled at
death, and set his last seal to the glorious truths
he had so long preached among you.
"Three years, nine months, and two days,.I
have possessed my heavenly-minded husband; but
now the sun of my earthly joy is set for ever, and
my soul filled with an anguish which only finds
its consolation in a total abandonment and resig-
Bation to the will of God: an exercise to which
my dear husband and I had of late been particu¬
larly drawn. When I was asking the Lord if he
pleased to spare him to me a little longer, the fol¬
lowing answer was impressed on my mind with
great power, and in the accomplishment of this
word of promise I look for our reunion: ' Where
I am, there shall my servants be, that .they may
behold my glory!' Lord, hasten the hour!
"I am, Rev. and dear sir, etc.,
"Mary Fletcher.
"The Rev. Mr. Wesley."
21
242
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
My anguish was extreme. All outward sup¬
port seemed to be withdrawn: appetite and sleep
quite failed me; and even the air, I often thought,
had .entirely lost all its vivifying powers. As I
never before had any conception of the bitter an¬
guish which the Lord saw good to visit me with
at this season, so I can give no just description
of it. "Known unto God are all his ways;" and
I was assured, even in the midst of my trouble,
that all he did was well, and that there was a
needs be for this heavy trial. Hut what bound
all my other trials upon me was, I felt continually
the keenest accusations from Satan, constraining
me by every possible suggestion to look at my ex¬
treme sensibility in suffering as being deeply sin¬
ful ! What, thought I, has made this change ? If
Jesus was my all, should I not feel as keenly the
sense of his having suffered for me, as I do in the
thought of my dear husband's kindness, and in
the dreadful feeling of my separation from him?
And because I could feel but very faint touches
of sensible communion with God, I was torn as it
were in pieces. All my religion seemed shrunk
into one point; viz., a constant cry, Thy will be
done !* I will, yes, I will glorify thee, even in
this fire!
Yet it seemed to me I did not glorify him; and
so afraid was I of turning to any human comfort,
or stopping short of all the Lord would have me
to do or be, that in the midst of this terrible fur-
* This is a fruit of the Spirit that never fails those who abide in
the faith, even in the darkest hour.—Ed.
LIEE OE MRS. ELETCHER. 248
nace, I can say, that at every moment my con¬
science was " quick as the apple of an eye, the
slightest touch of sin to feel." Yea, my spirit
was all eye to discern its most distant approach.
Yet in every thing I seemed to he accused, and
also condemned; so that my soul was indeed sor¬
rowful even unto death.*
One morning before I was awake, I heard sing¬
ing voices, as just over my face: they answered
one another with these words:
"Weep ye in Zion's deep distress,
In Zion's sorrow mourn."
Then one voice, which I well knew to be that of
my dearest love, spake in distinct words, and with
much emphasis:
"Eight the good fight of faith with me,
My fellow-soldier, fight."
It gave me some little comfort, and animated me
to follow his bright example.
One day these ^ords were applied with much
power to my heart: " These light afflictions, which
are but for a moment, shall work out for you a
far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."
What, said I, did the apostle, who had been in
the third heaven, and knew well what he said—
did he call these afflictions light when put in the
scale with that glory? It was answered in my
heart, Yes, as a bubble! "compared with the
glory that shall be revealed." I got a momentary
* In all this I believe the pious and well-informed reader will be
satisfied that (as the Holy Ghost testifies of Job) "she ginned not,
nor charged God foolishly."—Ed.
244
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
glimpse of our home above, in the celestial city;
and those words were spoken through my heart:
"Heaven i3 thy inheritance:
Thou shalt soon remove from hence."
Yery many were these little inbreakings of light,
yea, often in a day; yet my pain was unspeakable.
I was constantly perplexed with that thought,
that a believer can never be in darkness; that
they always "rejoice with joy unspeakable and
full of glory;" that nothing but sin given way to
can damp their joy.* This was an inlet to much
temptation; and now I had no one to tell my trou¬
bles to! no partner to bear a share in them. In
all our spiritual conflicts we had been so entirely
one, that cares, by being divided, were hushed
into peace. A word from him would frequently
light up, as it were, a candle in my soul; and was
enough to turn aside the keenest temptation.
But now I trod the winepress alone, and felt my
dependence had been too much on the creature.
I had clung to him as the ivy to the oak, and now
seemed to be nothing! I saw myself left in a
howling wilderness alone! Yet still I could say:
" With thee I on Zion shall stand,
For Jesus hath spoken the word."
But the Lord seemed to do by me as by the Ca-
naanitish woman : He did not answer me!—I
followed, and often said in my heart, (reflecting
on all my unfaithfulness,) Ah ! " It is not meet to
take the children's bread and cast it to the dogs !"
* Yes, temptation can damp their joy; but only sin can destroy
it. Her joy was not destroyed: she had " times of refreshing."—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 245
It seemed I could to all eternity have praised him
for the least drop of comfort; and yet I felt the
power of these words,—
" A drop will not suffice,
My soul for all thy fulness cries."
In the midst of this dreadful conflict, I felt some
consolation from the thought, that by the account
of his precious death, which surely the Lord him¬
self prompted, and enabled me to write, (as 1 had
hardly at the time either sense or memory,) I had
helped, in a little measure, that shout of praise
to go forth, which, with his dying lips, he said he
wanted to reach the ends of the earth! And
though I have lost my dear husband, and felt the
force of the " hour and power of darkness," yet
through all I believed I should conquer. So it is
with me now; hut I do not seem as yet to have
the privilege of shouting victory.
As soon as the funeral was over, I found the
dear children which my beloved partner had left
behind, laid upon my mind. I saw there were
many things to settle among them respecting the
work of Grod: some dangerous rocks to avoid, and
some needful plans to propose. Therefore, before
another week passed, I saw I must act among
them, and meet the people the same as before;
and though very ill, and filled with sorrow, the
Lord enabled me to do so—showing me the only
way to bear the cross profitably was so to carry it
as if I carried it not. About a fortnight before
my dear husband's last sickness, he was one night
at the Wednesday meeting, when being greatly
246 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
affected about me, as I was ill at that time, he
could hardly get through it. He said to me
afterward, " My dear, I could scarcely speak to
the people. I felt, I knew not how, as if thy
empty chair stood by me ! Something seemed to
say we should soon be parted; and I thought,
Must I meet these people, and see my Polly's
empty chair always by me ?" But now the cup
was mine. Yea, and I have drunk it to the very
dregs!
September 21, 1785.—Ah ! Lord, my soul is
exceeding sorrowful! How lonely doth my situa¬
tion appear! Torn from my dear companion,
and made to walk in this dreary path! But this
is my greatest weight—I do not feel that union
with thee that would make up all. There are in¬
deed moments tin which a glimpse of thy love
seems to unite me to all good, and wipes away
every tear. But these are transient touches, and
I am deeply oppressed with that fear that I am
not approved in thy sight, because I do not rejoice
evermore ! I well know I want a further plunge
into thy sacred will. I am not yet " the temple
of the Holy Ghost."
For some time back those words have been
much on my mind, " Put on the whole armor
of God, that ye may stand in the evil day, and
having done all, may stand." I have sometimes
said, Lord, have I passed that evil day, or is it
Still to come ? And I always felt with submission
a desire it might not be in death. 0 Lord! do
all thy will upon me, but make me wholly con¬
formable with thy Divine nature ! Glorify thy-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 247
self in thy poor creature! I feel as if soul and
body would be divided by this terrible wrench !
Y.et I acquiesce, fully acquiesce, in thy Divine
disposal. Yes, I see and admire thy wisdom ! I
bow down to a dispensation I do not clearly under¬
stand ! The Lord hath done it! and that shall
be enough to satisfy me. I remember one of my
dear husband's dying sayings was, Polly, let us
-not fear: God is love 1 What canst thou fear, my
dearest, when God is love ? I feel it is the truth;
nevertheless, I do not feel perfect rest in that
truth, for want of that perfect love which casteth
out all fear. Nothing will do for me but the in¬
dwelling Deity! " He that dwelleth in love,
dwelleth in God, and God in him."
October 3, 1785.—My sorrowful soul waiteth
on thee, 0 Lord! 0 what a cloud there is on
my whole situation ! Three months ago I was
raised to the highest pitch of human consolation.
I often thought all that God could give of tem¬
poral comforts was poured upon me. Whenever
I was hearing any one speak of the afflictions they
were under, I used to be humbled to the very
dust. Something would suggest, Ah! you may
well bear your crosses, and rejoice that ye have
such a treasure continually augmenting in your
bosom; but let God only lay his hand on your
husband, and see then whether you will bless
him ! It seemed to me that I so honored any of
my fellow-creatures who were in trouble, that I
could kiss the very dust from their feet, and was
often filled with astonishment, why such a wretch
as I was spared their bitter cup! But now I
248
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
drink it indeed; yet at the same time I can say,
I see it my privilege to "follow the Lamb whi¬
thersoever he goeth," without asking where or to
what new cross he will lead me. O what should
I do were it .not for the privilege of pouring out
my soul in prayer 1 Lord ! come and make thine
abode in me!
One day, when I had some reason to think this
house would be wanted, and that I must quit it,*
I began to consider where I had best remove to.
I reflected on my dear husband's words, when he
said, a little before he lost his speech, " Stay here,,
my dear: I do not speak for the people only, but
for thy sake. Thou wilt never be so well settled
again. Here thou wilt be most out of the way
from many things which would be a cross and a
hindrance to thee." It was therefore very pain¬
ful for me to think of taking one single step in
any thing contrary to his advice. And yet I must
own, had he not all along said I must stay here,
I believe I could not have resolved so to do, for
every day brought me some cutting trial—a new
ministry, a new plan for the work, and various
causes of anxiety and trouble.
But now it appeared I must remove. I began
to think of one place and another, but every one
seemed to bear the gloom of night. I could see
no spot in the creation for me to rest in. A
peculiar inward feeling, also, seemed to turn from
every place I could think of, as if the smile of
God was not on my going there. I said, Lord;
show me what I shall do ! Only show me what
is thy will! I thought on two places the most
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 249
likely; and had some desire to draw a lot con¬
cerning them. I had the paper in my hand in
order so to do, when the remembrance of my
dearest love was presented strongly to my mind,
as speaking again those words: " Polly, do not let
us look for signs: let us leave ourselves in the
hand of God." I felt an immediate light of
faith, and throwing the paper out of my hand, I
took up the Bible, intending to read, and for the
present to drop every other thought. It opened
on "those words : " God shall choose our inherit¬
ance for us." All my spirit acquiesced, and I
answered, " Yea, Lord ! Thou hast chosen for my
dear the bright mansions above; and thou wilt
choose for me all my wanderings below." There
seemed for a moment such a communion opened
between the family below and that above, as I
cannot express.
Soon after this I received a message from Mr.
Kenerson, letting me know that I should never
be turned out of the house, but might rent it:
which I received as an answer from the Lord
directing my way. It also brought to my mind
a dream I had some years before I married. I
dreamed a man came to me to offer me some
tithes. I replied, " Friend, I have nothing to do
with tithes—I have no concern in any living."
But soon after, I said to one of my family,
" Hannah, I am going away: I have a call from
the Lord: I must go." But again I thought, I
know not where, not even into what country.
However, the way of duty is the way of safety.
I will set out, and God will lead me. Immedi-
250 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
atelj I left Cross Hall, and after walking a few
paces, I thought I was carried in a moment, I
knew not how, and set down in a churchyard—
and some one said to me, You are to enter into
this church. I went in, and walking up the
aisle, I heard a kind of groan, and said, That is
the sound of death. When I came out of the
church, I entered into a house which was just by
it. As I was on the steps, it was said inwardly
to me, This is the habitation which God hath
chosen for you. I answered, 0 no: I cannot live
here. It is the order of God for me to live in
Yorkshire. I went into some of the rooms, and
found in one I passed through a man and woman.
In the next was a young woman with a child on
her lap. She appeared dying of a consumption,
and in great conflicts. We soon entered into
conversation, and she seemed very spiritual.
After a time she told me I must come and live
here, and here abide. I replied, " 0 no : I live
at Cross Hall, in Yorkshire; and have a great
family and many calls there." " But," said she,
"it is the will of God to bring you here. There is
work for you to do." She added, " Do not be
frightened: God will make you a comfortable
habitation." I said, " Have you the gospel here ?"
She replied, " Yes." "And who," said I, " is the
minister that brought it among you ?" She replied,
"He is not here now." " Then who," said I "is
your present minister?" She showed me a name
of three syllables; but though I read it over and
over, I could only remember the two last—
"nerson." I felt myself in great anguish and
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 251
sorrow of mind, (though I could not assign any
cause,) and said, " I must go away, I cannot stay
here. I do not know that man and woman. I
cannot live with them." She replied, "That man
and woman will go away when you come. But
here is a work for you to do, and you must abide
here. Do not be frightened: God will make you
a comfortable habitation." Being determined,
however, to return home, I went down stairs, and
seeing a coach ready to be hired, I beckoned to
it: the man opened the door, and as I was stepping
in, he said, " Where will you be carried to ?" I
strove to say, Cross Hall, in Yorkshire, but could
not. Then I strove to name various habitations
1 had formerly lived in, but could remember the
name of none.. As he' still persevered in his
questions, I at last stepped back, and pointing to
the house I came out of, I said, "That is my
home, and God hath taken the remembrance of
every other out of my heart." .
I knew nothing of the situation of any thing in
Madeley when I had this dream; but when, some
years after, I told it to my dear Mr. Fletcher, he
said, "There was a man and woman who lived
with me at that time, and a young woman, A. C.,
who was very useful in the work, to which she
proved a nursing-mother. She died of a consump¬
tion, in which she had many conflicts." I said,
"Was there a minister whose name ended with
nerson?" He replied, "No." But now I under¬
stand it all. Had I before remembered the whole
name, I should at once have known this dream
would be fulfilled at my dear husband's death, as
252 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
Mr. Kenerson was the patron, and his son now
became our vicar. My dear Mr. Fletcher always
said, if he died, he believed I was to stay here;
and there are some circumstances which reconcile
me so to do. ....
First. I never was in any situation in which I
had so much opportunity of doing good (accord¬
ing to my small abilities) as in this place, and
that in various ways, public and private; and to
many who live at a distance also. These are provi¬
dentially thrown in my way, and I find such clear
leadings of the Spirit in conversing with them,
that' (painful as many circumstances are) I. am
constrained to say, If I choose for the work of
G-od, here I must abide and fix my home.*
Secondly. Here I have a great many sweet,
lively souls to converse with. My meetings are
more satisfactory to myself than in any place I ever
* At the last Conference ■which Mr. Fletcher attended, viz., at
Leeds, August, 1784, (about a year before his death,) I had the priv¬
ilege of sitting very near him. About the middle of the conference
he rose, and addressed Mr. Wesley respecting his parish. He said,
"I fear my successor will not be interested in the work of God, and
my flock may suffer. I have done what I could: I have built a
chapel in Madeley Wood, and I hope, sir, you will continue to sup¬
ply it, and that Madeley may still be part of the circuit. If you
please, I should be glad to be put down in the minutes as a super¬
numerary!" Mr. Wesley could hardly bear this, and the preachers
were melted into tears. Turning to them, Mr. Fletcher expressed
his hope that they would feed his sheep, and nourish them with the
same truths which they had been used to hear. How wonderfully
did the Lord provide for them when he was pleased to remove their
angelic pastor! "My dear," said he to Mrs. Fletcher, "when you
marry me, you must marry my parish." She did so; and as the new
vicar did not reside, and as he had a great respect for Mrs. Fletcher,
she was allowed to recommend the curate, whom the vicar invaria¬
bly appointed, according to that recommendation. The work of
God has thus continued and proceeded for thirty years in peace.
May it never be interrupted!—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. '253
yet Was in; and still I feel it suited to me, as a soil
■which my soul grows in.
Thirdly. It suits my temporal affairs; this house
being cheap, and several other circumstances also
are advantageous.
Fourthly. I never found any other part agree
as well with my health as this has done. From a
, child I could never live in London, nor in any
close place; and here I have had better health
than ever before: only at this season I find the
waves of sorrow have thrown me some paces nearer
my eternal home. Truly, also, that part of my
dream (the sound of death) hath been accom¬
plished in all its pomp!
Would any know the king of terrors? Let
them look on the corpse of a beloved husband, or
tender friend, and there discern the consequences
of sin! For a believer to look at death, as seizing
on himself, has comparatively no terror! In the
midst of the most pleasant scene my life had ever
exhibited, I sometimes said, "I think, my love, I
am selfish: it seems as if I should not fear to die
and leave thee! I am deeply sensible, however,
of all the pain thou wouldst feel. Yet it seems
as if we should not be divided even by death." But
now the scene is turned! It is my eyes that must
for ever have before them that tremendous night.
O, what do I feel! Thy will, 0 Lord, be done!
From this time I have been more and more
convinced my inheritance is appointed of the
Lord, and that this is the spot I am to fix on, at
least for the present; and I rather believe I shall
change no more, but that where he died, I shall
22
254 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
die also. During this heavy night of sorrow, (at¬
tended with such aggravating circumstances as it
is not needful to explain,) I have also seen an
amazing mixture of the tender care and fatherly
protection of my God. He withholds his rough
wind in the day of his east wind; and will lay no
more on his poor creatures than his power and
goodness will enable them to bear. I know, assu¬
redly, that my bereavement was wrought for the
good of my soul. I am, notwithstanding my in¬
ward trials, and deep sensibility of my loss, truly
enabled to praise God even for the severity of the
stroke. Yes, I love his will, I love his cross! I
am, I will be devoted to his glory! And if that
can be promoted by my keen anguish, I will de¬
light in suffering all his wisdom shall appoint!
I see also the goodness of the Lord in our
bringing Sally Lawrence with us here. The day
we were married, as soon as we returned from the
church, and went up stairs to ask a blessing on
our union, she came into the room, and falling on
her knees before my dear husband, she entreated
him not to part her from her dear mistress, who
had brought her up. He told her he never would;
and now she is made to me a great comfort, hav¬
ing all the usefulness of a housekeeper, added to
the affection of the tenderest child.
The Lord has also answered my dear husband's
prayers with regard to the work of the Lord, be¬
yond all expectation. When he repeatedly ex¬
pressed his desire that I should stay here, I replied,
0 how can I bear the place without thee ? How
can I bear to stay, and see perhaps a carnal rain-
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 255
istry? He answered, "Thou dost not know what
God may do. Perhaps there may never be a car¬
nal ministry here." And so it proved. The Rev.
Mr. Gilpin and his wife, being on the spot, were
at that season kind and tender friends to me, and
Mr. Kenerson desired him to supply the church
till he should return to his own living, which was
not for some months. The Lord then provided
for us a precious young man, Mr. Melville Home,
who had travelled some time in connection with
Mr. Wesley, and concerning whom my dear Mr.
Fletcher had (before his illness) expressed a de¬
sire that he might be his successor. We have
also the Methodist preachers, and their labors are
blessed. Brotherly love takes root and flourishes
among us. The work goes on well; fresh converts
are continually brought in, .and several have with
flowing eyes declared, that the words they once
slighted, now seem to rise up in judgment against
them. They bow to the truth, and are constrained
to acknowledge, concerning their deceased pastor,
Fie, being dead, yet speaketh.
The Lord hath also looked on my temporal af¬
fairs, beyond what I could have expected. I ob¬
served, soon after my marriage, that all was now
made quite easy. I looked on the promise as
already fulfilled, having in Lay ton a good deal
more than would pay all. Some hundreds were
however still on interest, though we had lessened
the sum while my dear and I were together. But
soon after he was taken from me, I received a
letter from a person of whom I had borrowed
some years before a hundred and fifty pounds,
256 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
that he wanted it directly; and I had at this sea¬
son a good deal to pay on other accounts. As I
wished to be free, for the remainder of my short
days, from unnecessary care, I had a desire that
the estate at Laytonstone should be sold, and the
demands all settled at once. I found, however,
that could not be done without loss, and therefore
proposed to pay yearly all I could out of my in¬
come, which was now increased by the tender care
of my dear husband. But my youngest brother,
William Bosanquet, whom I had not seen for some
years, came down on a visit to me. ' He expressed
the greatest sympathy and tenderness toward me
in this time of trial; and, after staying with me
some days, generously. supplied me with all the
cash I then needed. Some months after, an
uncle dying without leaving me any thing, (and
indeed I did not think I had any right to expect
it,) my brothers wrote me word that they were
sorry I was not remembered in the will; and my
youngest brother desired me to accept of five hun¬
dred pounds (or more if I wanted it) to settle all
my affairs. Here was the exact fulfilment of Mrs.
Clapham's impression concerning us! [See page
198.] This very brother whom she then saw,
(though at that time there was not the least reason
to think of any such thing,) did afterward, as it
was represented to her, bring me many smaller
sums, and at last one so large as to remove all
burdens at once from my shoulders! And on
January, 1787,1 wrote in my diary, " I now owe no
man any thing but love: my income is quite clear,
and I have, according to the promise, great plenty
of silver."
life of mrs. fletcher.
257
PAET THE FIFTH.
her settlement at madeley, and thoughts
on communion with happy spirits.
December 15, 1785.
My soul is exceeding sorrowful. I feel the
loss of my dearest husband in a manner I cannot
express. Four months are now elapsed since I
sustained that dreadful scene, yet it seems as if
it was but yesterday. Nothing can comfort me
but the blessing promised in those words, "land
my Father will come and make our abode with
you." Nothing short of that baptism of the
Holy Ghost can heal and satisfy my wounded
soul. But I will endeavor to recollect the bless¬
ings which attend even my melancholy situation,
and strive by steps of thankfulness to raise my
heart from gratitude to exulting praise.
First. I have the comfort of knowing my dear
love is in glory. He hath proved the victory—
his " last enemy is destroyed !" Death shall no
more threaten him with the cold grave: it is
conquered for ever, and shall be " swallowed up
in victory."
Secondly. I had the consolation of being with
22*
258 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
him to the last moment, and hearing him, so long
as he could speak, express how comfortable he
was both inward and outward : praising God often
for the comfortable attendance he had in the
needful hour, and many times saying to me, " I
am most sweetly filled, but I do not seem for
much speaking: I am drawn inward."
Thirdly. I rejoice that he told me, " God
would open all my way before meand with his
last blessing gave me to the Lord, saying, "Head
of the Church, be head to my wife \"
Fourthly. He feels no more from the fear of
losing me. Perhaps he is nearer to me than ever!
Perhaps he sees me continually, and, under God,
guards and keeps me. Perhaps he knows my
very thoughts. The above reflections, though
tinder a perhaps, give me some help; but could
they be confirmed by reason, and above all by
Scripture, they would yield me much consolation.
I will try if I can find this solid ground for them.
It appears to me no way contrary to reason to
believe that the happy departed spirits see and
know all they would wish and are divinely per¬
mitted to know. In this Mr. Wesley is of the
same mind, (from whose writings I shall borrow
some of my ideas,) and that they are concerned
for the dear fellow-pilgrims whom they have left
behind. I cannot but believe they are; and
though death is the boundary we cannot see
through, they who have passed the gulf may
probably see us. Some small insects can see but
a little way: an apple would appear to them a
mountain, but we can see a thousand of them at
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 259
once, crawling on what we call a small spot of
earth. When an infant is born into this world,
how many senses, till then locked up, are on a
sudden brought into action; and could the child
reflect, a variety of new ideas would be awakened
by which it would discern such a capacity of be¬
coming useful and comfortable to its mother, as
it never before had any conception of! It could
have no communion with her but by one sense,
that of feeling; but now it is enabled both to see,
hear, and to make itself heard by her. There
was an apparent separation from the mother; but
in reality it has gained a more valuable possession,
which every day increases its ability of entering
into her thoughts, and bearing a part in all her
feelings. And may we not suppose, if the use
of sight and hearing, as well as the powers of
understanding, are so improved by our birth into
this lower world, that some powers analogous
to the above are, at least, equally opened on the
entrance of a spirit into a heavenly state : though
perhaps small in the beginning, like the infant,
compared with the measure that is to follow ?
Nor doth it seem contrary to reason to suppose
a spirit in glory can turn its eye with as much
ease, and look on any object below, as a mother
can look through a window and see the actions of
her children in a court underneath it. If bodies
have a language by which they can convey their
thoughts to each other, though sometimes at a
distance, have spirits no language, think you, by
which they can converse with our spirits, and, by
impressions on the mind, speak to us as easily as
260 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
before they did by the tongue ? And what can
interrupt either the presence, communion, or
sight of a spirit ?
"Walls within walls no more its passage bar
Than unopposing space of liquid air."
But may not our reasonable ideas be much
strengthened by Scripture ? Some encourage¬
ment on this head I have lately drawn from the
account of Elijah and Elisha; (though I do not
offer this as a proof, but rather as an illustration;)
for as Elijah was to enter glory without passing
through death, it is probable he was favored
before with a more than common intercourse and
communion with the world of spirits, as we see
in the works of Providence there is a gradual
ascent; and I the rather believe this from some
passages in his story. Near the time of his trans¬
lation, it was revealed to the sons of the prophets,
who said to Elisha, Knowest thou that thy master
shall be taken from thy head to-day ? But to
Elijah himself perhaps it was revealed long before,
and, it seems to me, he referred to this when he
was in the desert of Arabia, under the juniper
tree, 1 Kings, chap. xix.—where he requested for
himself that he might die, saying, (to this effect,)
"It is enough, Lord, I am not better than my
fathers." The prophets before me have sealed
thy truth with their blood, and why should I be
exempt from the common lot of man ? I had
rather die, and come to thee now! Why should
I live any longer? Thou hast enabled me to
maintain thy cause against the worshippers of
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 261
Baal; yet my word hath little weight with them.
"They have slain thy prophets, and I only am
left, and they seek my life to take it away." Let
them have it, for it is far better for me to depart
and to be with thee. However, quite resigned
to the will of Grod, he lays him down to sleep, till
awaked by an angel of the Lord, who bids him
arise, and take the refreshment a watchful Provi¬
dence had provided for him. Here we have no
account of any alarming fear. He doth not, like
Daniel, fall down as one dead; nor, like Zachariah
and the shepherds, become sore afraid; but after
a moderate repast, he lies down to sleep again,
and then receives a second visit from his bright
messenger, for aught we see, with the same steady
calmness as before. Prom which, I am led to sup¬
pose, he was accustomed to such communications.
When his faith had gathered strength by his
miraculous preservation, forty days and nights
without food, full of holy expectation he arrives
at Horeb, waiting a further manifestation of the
glory of God, as Moses, the giver of the law, had
done in this very place before him. Nor can we
suppose this illustrious restorer of the law could
be totally forgetful of that prayer, " Lord, I be¬
seech thee, show me thy glory!" The place would
remind him of the great discoveries made there.
What intercourse he might have with the spirit
of Moses, we know not; but it is certain they
knew each other some time after on Mount Tabor.
Waiting thus, like his great predecessor, for a
time, the glory of the Lord was displayed before
him, and the question put, "What dost thou here,
262 LI^E OF MRS. FLETCHER.
Elijah?" In his answer to which, he seems to
intimate, I have nothing to do here. Israel has
departed from thy ways, and why should I abide
on earth any longer? Let me now come up. As
a pledge, his prayer is heard—he is commanded to
anoint Elisha to remain a prophet in his room.
And when the appointed time was come, walking
with Elisha, he seems desirous of being alone,
(perhaps the powers of darkness now made their
last assault, endeavoring to shake his faith with
regard to the great event just ready to take place,)
and bids his friend again and again to tarry be¬
hind. But Elisha, unwilling to lose any part of
his blessing, answers, "As the Lord liveth, and as
thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee." He then
asks him, What shall I do for thee before I am
taken away? Elisha answers, "Let a double por¬
tion of thy spirit be upon me." To which Elijah
replies, "Thou hast asked a hard thing." Now
if a double portion of holiness was all Elisha meant,
it was an odd answer, for we know there are no
limits to that petition. We may ask as much of
the nature of God as we please, and he will do
"exceeding abundantly above all we can ask or
think." And no doubt Elijah knew enough of
the mind of God to know that. But might not
he mean, Let me have the two portions of thy
spirit—not only thy communion with God, but let
my intellectual sight be opened as thine. Let me
also discern the heavenly company wherewith we
are surrounded, and commune with "the spirits
of Just men made perfect," though as yet I only
by faith behold the gospel day ?
LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER, 263
This, therefore, did seem a hard thing; for, as
Elisha was to die like other men, the prophet
might not know whether this favor was to be
granted to him or not; and, therefore, as referring
to the thing itself, he says, (as it were,) "If thou
seest me when I am taken from thee," when the
spiritual change hath passed upon me, then it shall
be so, and then thy inward sight will be opened.
But if I become invisible to thee, as to the sons
of the prophets who stand afar off to gaze, it shall
not be so. It is not the will of God concerning
thee. But the "effectual fervent prayer of the
righteous man availed." Elisha saw both him
and his heavenly convoy, while the sons of the
prophets saw neither; and, therefore, went on to
the mountains to seek Elijah. And that this su¬
pernatural sight remained with Elisha, we have
reason to believe; for, being in Dothan, and sur¬
rounded with a great host come to take away his
life, his servant said to him, "Alas, master! what
shall we do?" The prophet at once answers,
"They are more that be with us than they that
be with them;" and adds, "Lord, open the young
man's eyes, that he may see!" And "the Lord
opened the young man's eyes, and he saw, and
behold, the mountain was full of chariots and
horses of fire round about Elisha." It is remark¬
able this spirit which rested on Elisha was more
conspicuous than that which rested on Elijah—
perhaps to prevent the thought, though the man
who was to enter heaven alive was thus favored,'
no other must expect it. Nay, but God, who de¬
lights to confer his greatest favors on the weakest
264 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
objects, can confer on us all that which he be¬
stowed on Elijah and Elisha. And if under that
dark dispensation, why not in this gospel day,
concerning which it is foretold, "Your sons and
your daughters shall prophesy, your young men
shall see visions, and your old men shall dream
dreams?"
The apostle tells us, "We are not come to Mount
Sinai," where Israel both saw the power and heard
the voice of God; but to Mount Zion, where we
have communion "with the general assembly of
angels, the Church of the first-born, the spirits of
just men made perfect, with Jesus the Mediator
of the new covenant;" yea, and have access "to
God, the Judge of all." And were we better ac¬
quainted with the privileges of our dispensation,
we should become, in a more full manner, inher¬
itors with "the saints in light." But, though it
is allowed we may have communion with angels,
various are the objections raised against the belief
of our communion with that other part of the hea¬
venly family, the disembodied spirits of the just.
I shall consider these objections one by one.
Lord, help me in so doing! Let me at least strive
to comprehend something of "the length, and
breadth, and depth, and height, of the great vic¬
tory obtained for us over death;" give me to see
a little into that truth, "we are brought from
Mount Sinai to Mount Zion."
Objection the first. If a good spirit loves those
which it loved before, and is acquainted with all
their proceedings, will not the sins and miseries
of those they thus know and love, render them
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 265
unhappy, or at least mar their happiness in some
degree? I answer, There are two kinds of love.
If the persons they loved continue sinners, there
will doubtless be a separation of spirit, yet I be¬
lieve a remembrance and a pity will continue. It
is said of the Almighty, that "it repented the
Lord he had made man," and that "it grieved
him at the heart;" and again, that "he was grieved
with their manners in the wilderness forty years."
Nevertheless, his own immutable happiness was
not interrupted thereby. Now, as the saints yet
on earth are made partakers of the Divine nature,
and much more "the spirits of just men.made
perfect," so I should imagine their happiness
would, in that respect, remain as immutable as
that of the holy angels did, when so many of
their once dear companions they now daily behold
as devils. I cannot let it into my thoughts that
ignorance makes up any pari of celestial glory, or
that forgetfulness can be entered into by their
nearer approach to Him "before whom all things
are open and manifest," and "in whom is no
darkness at all."
But, if an entire alienation of affection from the
wicked should be needful, that is no proof it is the
same with the righteous; for, if the sins of obstinate
sinners would afflict them, the growth of grace in
the righteous would augment their joy; and our
Lord himself tells us, " There is joy in heaven
over one sinner that repenteth." If you say, But
this joy is only among the angels; I answer, Can
we suppose those faithful attendants on the heirs
of salvation so carefully to conceal this joy within
23
266 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
their own bosoms as to exclude the heavenly spir¬
its who stand in a much nearer relation to us?
Can we believe they have not all their joys in
common? No, no; in the Church of Jerusalem
they proved that " great grace was upon them all,"
by their community of goods. And shall our
narrow hearts let in the thought that they have
not all their joys in common in the Church above?
Yea, verily, "the general assembly of angels, the
Church of the first-born," and "the spirits of just
men made perfect," are but one innumerable com¬
pany, concerning whom it may well be said:
"Lift your eyes of faith, and see
Saints and angels joined in one:
What a countless company
Stands before yon dazzling throne!"
If, then, there is joy throughout all the realms
above, yea, "more joy over one sinner that repent-
eth than over .the ninety and nine which went
not astray," how evident it is to an impartial eye,
that the state both of the one and the other must
be known there, together with the progress of
each individual.
Objection the second. Is not a spirit divested
of the body, become of a quite different nature
from what it was before, so as to be incapable of
the same feelings ? I answer, Certainly no: the
spirit is the man. The spirit of my dear husband
loved and cared for me, and longed above every
other desire for my spiritual advancement. Now,
if it were the body, why doth it not love me still?
You answer, Because it is dead. That is to say,
the spirit is gone from it; therefore, that which
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 267
loved me is gone from it. And What is that but
the spirit, which actuated the body, as the clock¬
work does the hand which tells the hour? It
therefore appears quite clear to me that every
right affection, sentiment, and feeling of mind,
we have been exercised in here, will remain in
the spirit just the same immediately after death.
Nevertheless, as with the righteous, heavenly
light and love will daily grow stronger, and with
the wicked will be an increasing darkness; so there
may be, perhaps, in a few days, a much greater
change on the newly glorified spirit, than in the
understanding of a child in seven years. The
point therefore to be considered is, Will not a con¬
tinuance and growth in the heavenly state erase
those affections and ideas so strongly impressed
on the spirit at its first entrance therein? To
which I reply, As spiritual union arises from a
communication of the love which flows from the
heart of Christ, I cannot but believe a nearer ap¬
proach to its centre, and a fuller measure of that
Divine principle, must increase, and not diminish,
the union between kindred souls; and that their
change will consist, not in the loss, but in the
improvement of all that is good.
Whatever agrees with the nature of heaven
cannot be destroyed, but increased by their abode
therein. Now, are not love and gratitude natives
of heaven, which dwell for ever there? If in
our present state an abundance of grace is poured
out on the soul, what is the effect ? Doth it
make us forgetful of kindnesses received ? Doth
it not rather raise the soul to such a pitch of
268 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
gratitude, that it is ready to see favors where
really there are none ? And shall not the same
love, when perfected in heaven, have the same
effect in a more perfect degree ? The mistake
lies here : we forget that Christian love and union
below are the same kind, though not in degree,
with those above; and we might as well suppose,
when we enter into the realms of light, that we
shall plunge into darkness for want of the natuyal
sun, as to suppose that Christian love and union
must be destroyed by an abode in that kingdom,
where the very element we breathe shall be
eternal love. Doubtless we shall know, and grate¬
fully acknowledge, the ministering spirits who
have served us here, and be sensible that gratitude
is immortal, and does not change its sentiments
with its place. I think all this is clear from
those words of our Lord, " Make to yourselves
friends of the mammon of unrighteousness, that
when ye fail on earth, they/' viz., those whom
you have helped, " may receive you into everlast¬
ing habitations."
Objection the third. But are they not so taken
up with admiring Jesus, as to lose every other
affection in him ? I answer : That love of Jesus
which fills the soul with the admiration of his
graces, is a love begotten by that which reigns in
the heart of Christ himself: consequently, it is
of the same nature. But is the love of Jesiis a
barren and inactive love ? Did it produce in our
Lord such an enjoyment of his own pure nature;
or such a shutting up in the glories and delights
of the Trinity, as to render him forgetful of his
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 269
creatures ? Or did it bring him down to " die
for his enemies, and receive gifts for the rebel¬
lious ?" When a powerful effusion of grace is
poured out on our souls, are we not then most
willing and ready to help our neighbor, and to
cry out, with that good woman, Jane Muncy,
" Methinks I am all spirit! I have no rest day
or night but in gathering souls to God." Surely,
then, we may with safety believe that a holy,
unembodied spirit feels the same effect from a
fuller effusion of the same love; and that as
soon as he hears that word, "I will give thee
many things to be faithful over," he immediately
enters more fully than ever into the joy of his
Lord which is the joy of doing his creatures
good.
Objection the fourth. But though it may be
allowed that the angels are ministering spirits to
the saints, in honor of their Lord, who hath taken
Our nature upon him, we do not know but the
spirits of just men made perfect, being of a higher
order by their near relation to their Head, may
be exempt from that servitude. I answer: To
this objection may not those words of our Lord
be applied, "Ye know not what manner of spirit
ye are of?" " He that will be greatest, let him
be servant," saith Jesus Christ, who came him¬
self " not to be ministered unto, but to minister;"
and if our Lord washed our feet, shall we be
above the same employment ? Jesus, our Master,
though in his glorified state, calls himself the
" Shepherd of his sheep," and walks with jealous
care amid his " candlesticks of gold, holding the
23*
270 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
stars in Lis right hand/' and I can no more be¬
lieve the divinest spirit in glory above the service
of mankind, than I can believe there is pride in
heaven. Abraham is represented as receiving
Lazarus to his bosom, and as giving a mild answer
even to a damned spirit! And when souls at the
foot of the altar cried, How long ? they were told
" to wait till their fellow-servants came also."
Did they not then remember their fellow-servants ?
When the heart is full of grace; it delights in the
meanest office, and feels pleasure in yielding hap¬
piness even to an insect. We are sensible no
part of our worship is more pleasant in the sight
of God than obedience, and no employment more
delightful to the saints than that of promoting
the glory of God. Now the Lord hath said of
his creatures, " I have created thee for my glory:
I have formed thee for my praise !" Shall not
then the blessed spirits be very zealous in pro¬
moting that glory ? The glory of God and our
interest are inseparably one. And are they not
" one spirit with the Lord ?" And is not their
highest delight in that in which he most delights,
which is the salvation of his people ? So that an
exemption from serving the Church would rather
create pain than give satisfaction.
Again, the highest honor that can be conferred
on a creature, is to have the nearest resemblance
to its creating Head. Now he hath said to the
believer, "I will dwell with you—I will \30me
and make my abode with you." The soul who
hath felt a small degree of pure love can an¬
swer this objection at once from the feelings of
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 271
Ms own heart: the language of which is, I love
him continually, and therefore I will feed his
lambs.
Objection the fifth. But as paradise is a place,
as well as a state, and finite beings are not omni¬
present any more than omnipotent, how can they
be there and here in the same moment ? I
answer—I do not suppose they can. But if I
were to tell you of a minister who daily visited
his flock, inquired into all their concerns, and
knew their whole situation, would you say it was
impossible, because he lives in that house, which
is his home, and he cannot be in two places at
the same time ? And yet it is certain we are per¬
fectly acquainted with the situation of many who
do not live with us in the same house. If we see
them but once a week, our shallow capacities can
take in all they tell us of their past and present
state. But if, instead of waiting for the slow and
imperfect conveyance of words, we could by a
cast of the eye read every thought in a moment,
and without labor visit them as easily as the sun
shines in at their windows, (though it still re¬
mains in its proper place,) our acquaintance would
be much more perfect. We are now in the body,
and have senses and faculties suited thereto;
therefore, our human eye can at once measure
the body of our child, and discern every wound
or bruise, or even a speck of dirt thereon. And
have not spirits faculties suited to spirits, by
which we may suppose they can as easily discern
your soul, as you could discern their body when
they were in the same state as yourself ? And
272 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
may there not be a way by wbich a spirit actually
before the throne of God may still see and serve
the souls committed to its care, supposing them
to act as ministering spirits ?
I ask, If you had never heard of a looking-
glass, would you understand me if I said, Though,
you stand at one end of that long gallery, and I
at the other, with my back toward you, I can
discern your every action and motion, and know
every change ? Ahd yet such a knowledge the
looking-glass would convey to me. Now, if all
things on earth are patterns or shadows of those
above, may not something analogous to the glass
represent to the world of spirits as just a picture
of the changes of posture in the spirit, as the
glass does those of the body ? Some have sup¬
posed the appearance or representation of every
soul still in the body to be constantly seen in
heaven. That this may be without the knowledge
of the person concerned is evident: because
Ananias knew nothing till God said to him,
(speaking of Saul,) " Behold, he prayeth) and
hath seen in a vision a man named Ananias
coming in, and putting his hand on him, that he
might receive his sight." Various dreams of
pious persons, who have thought they saw their
appearances in paradise, over which the heavenly
company mourned or rejoiced—as well as the amaz¬
ing instances of second-sight—seem to strengthen
this opinion.
If this seem strange, let us consider how
strange it would appear to us, if we had never
heard of letters, to be informed there was a
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 273
method among many nations of wrapping up their
thoughts in a bit of paper, and by that means
conveying them hundreds of miles into the bosom
of their dearest friends! As little could you
conceive of the faculty of speech had you never
known it; or the commanding knowledge which the
eye gives you over a large space and a number of
persons in one moment, had you been born blind.
But though I mention these similes, because some
can only conceive of spiritual matters by gross
ideas, I believe our union to be far more close with
the heavenly host than to need these representa¬
tions. What else doth those words of the apostle
mean, "We are come to the general assembly, to
the Church of the first-born, and to the spirits of
just men made perfect ?" And if " He maketh
his angels spirits, and his ministers a flame of
fire/' cannot a spirit be with me in a moment, as
easily as a stroke from an electrical machine can
convey the fire for many miles in one moment,
through thousands of bodies, if properly linked
together ? That the devils are about us and know
our thoughts is evident. A sinful thought is
suggested: we answer it by Scripture. Immedi¬
ately it is answered again. And shall not de¬
parted happy spirits, who are so much more of
one nature with us, have the same power ? Mr.
Wesley has a beautiful observation in his sermon
on those words, "Are they not all ministering
spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall
be heirs of salvation ?" He says, " That the
guardian angels know our thoughts seems clear
from the nature of their charge, which is cer-
274 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
tainly fh-st for the soul, and but in a secondary
sense for the body." And are not our kindred
spirits more nearly related to us than the angels?
Why then should they not have the same discern¬
ment ?
But to return to our first question. Can they
be bere and in paradise at the same time? Oth¬
erwise, how can they constantly minister to us?
Perhaps we shall not be able to comprehend this
till that word is accomplished, "Then shall we
know even as also we are known." But if this
cannot be, then we must give up all the agency
of angels, for the same argument will hold good
against that. And yet our Lord hath said, "De¬
spise not these little ones; for I say unto you, in
heaven their angels do always behold the face of
my Father who is in heaven."
Objection the sixth. But is it not said of the
dead, "They are gone into the land where .'all
things are forgotten ?" And is it not the design
of the Almighty that our union should cease with
our life, and that death should divide us? As to
the first part of the objection, I allow there is in
Psalm eighty-eight an expression which implies
forgetfulness; but I think it is spoken of the
body, which will remain in this state of forgetful¬
ness till reanimated by the spirit. But what has
that to do with the soul? We hear of the souls
at the foot of the altar, who cried, "How long, 0
Lord, till thou judge and avenge our blood on
those who dwell on the earth ?" And they were
told "to rest till their brethren and fellow-ser¬
vants should be slain as they were." Here was
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
275
a remembrance botfy of friends and enemies, as
also of tbe manner of their own death. Again,
"the four living creatures, and the twentj-four
elders" in their song of praise, have these words,
"Thou art worthy, for thou wast slain, and hast
redeemed us to God by thy blood, out of every
kindred, and tongue, and people,, and nation."
They are also emblematically represented as hav¬
ing "vials full of incense in their hand, which are
the prayers of the saints:" wherewith surely their
desires (and consequently remembrance) are joined.
Abraham is called the father of the faithful, be¬
cause of his steadfast belief of the promise con¬
cerning Isaac, and is set forth as an example to
us. Can we believe him to have forgotten that
whole event ? Certainly the angel who called to
Abraham, and said, "Lay not thy hand on the
lad," remembers it; for we cannot suppose him to
have passed through any change of nature since
that time.
If you say it was the Angel of the covenant,
yet doubtless many of the heavenly host were wit¬
nesses to that great and typical transaction; and
must all the wisdom of God manifested by the
Church, as the apostle observes, and "made known
thereby to the principalities and powers in hea¬
ven,"—must, I say, all the prophecies, types, and
revelations, as well as their accomplishment, remain
for ever the subject of admiration and praise among
angels, and yet "the spirits of just men made per¬
fect," the subjects for whom, and on whom, all
was fulfilled—must they only be locked up in for-
getfulness ? Are they, with ignorant amazement,
276 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
to hear Gabriel repeat his conversation with Zach-
arias? Or does he in vain endeavor to stir up in
Mary a remembrance of the salutation she received
from the same bright messenger? Shall Moses
and Elias only remember the scene on Mount Ta¬
bor, while Peter, James, and John remember nei¬
ther it nor them? If you say, Doubtless every
scene relating to the Saviour will be remembered,
but we shall not remember or know one another;
I answer, The one cannot subsist without the
other. If Abraham remembers the type in Isaac,
with the exercise of his faith when "he hoped
against hope," he must remember Sarah, the re¬
moval of Hagar, with every remarkable circum¬
stance of Isaac's birth. Will it not then be a
great lessening of his praise and triumph, if he
cannot know whether Isaac and Sarah are with
him in glory? If you carry it a little farther, and
say, doubtless he knows they are there; then for
what cause can he be forbid knowing and convers¬
ing with them? Or, is this privilege only granted
to Moses and Elias, who, I again say, doubtless
knew each other on the holy mount as well as the
diseiples knew them.
Can we suppose Adam to have a just conception
of the incarnation and death of the Messiah, and
yet to forget the circumstances of his own fall,
which occasioned this gracious union ? Must he
not then remember Eve, and eternally rejoice to
see how the seed of the woman has indeed bruised
the serpent's head ? The account of the rich man
and Lazarus alone is sufficient to answer every ob¬
jection. They could see and know each other,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 277
though one was in heaven and the other in hell;
consequently, each could see all on earth. Abra¬
ham knew the state and situation of both, so as
to say, "Thou hast had thy good things, and
Lazarus his evil things." And the rich man could
remember his five brethren. If you object and
say this was a parable, (which there is no room to
assert,) would our adorable Lord put forth a par¬
able full of deceptions and wrong ideas, suited to
lead us into error rather than truth? I do not
wonder a poor heathen should dream of a river of
forgetfulness, by drinking of which all former
scenes were to be lost in oblivion; but for a soul
enlightened by revelation, to forget that a day is
coming in which every secret thing shall be made
known, is indeed a melancholy proof that darkness
hath covered the earth, and gross darkness the
people.
The second part of the objection we will now
consider. Some have alleged that though it is
certain we shall remember and know one another,
because without that remembrance many subjects
of praise would be lost in oblivion, nevertheless
will not all particular unions cease, and is it not
the design of God that death should divide? To
answer this objection I must premise, that what
is of God shall stand. I plead only for that union
which has God for its source; and I think it would
not be hard to prove, that what God hath joined
together, death cannot put asunder. To that
question, therefore, Is it not the design of God
that death should divide us? I answer, Division
comes not from God, but from the devil. God,
24
278 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
both in his nature and works, is perfect unity, and
his original design for our first parents was not
sorrow, consequently not separation. If we sup¬
pose their friendship was not to have been im¬
mortal, we must suppose pain to be in paradise;
for Adam could not without pain inform Eve of
such an awful secret, that when they had praised
God together for a certain time, they must eter¬
nally forget each other! That he should no longer
remember he was formed out of the dust, nor Eve
her miraculous and near relation to him! Would
not this information have been a bitter draught
even in paradise? Or suppose he had said,
Though we shall have a bare remembrance of
each transaction, nevertheless that close union,
that endearing oneness of soul, of which the love
of God is the foundation—that very union here¬
after the love of God is to dissolve. This would
indeed have been in itself exceeding bitter, and
therefore never was the original design of love.
It was sin that brought in separation. It was
owing to the hardness of our heart, for in the
beginning it was not «so; for God created one
man and one woman. Well may we, therefore,
mourn for the separation death occasions; and
our sorrow is countenanced by Jesus himself,
.who wept over the ravage of this dreadful en-
'emy, when he saw the consequences of it in Mar¬
tha's and Mary's tears. I allow that it is true
most unions on earth are dissolved by death, be¬
cause the friendships of the world are oft confed¬
eracies of vice, or leagues of pleasure; and few
can add:
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 279
"Ours hath severest virtue for its basis,
And such a friendship ends not but with life."
The Christian can say more: it ends not even with
life. In the Church below we are commanded to
love our neighbor as ourselves, and to consider our
fellow-Christians as members of one body; but
does this obligation prevent particular unions?
Let that soul be the judge who hath felt most of
the love of God and his neighbor. For otherwise
there is, indeed, a love of propriety, or, in other
words, self-love reflected, which purity of heart
will remove. But as similitude joins, and dissimil¬
itude separates, so those spirits who are joined
by their similitude of love and pure worship, who
having been led in one path, (and probably pre¬
pared for one mansion,) can as easily retain a pe¬
culiar union without any diminution of their love
to others, as a married couple can retain their love
to each other, notwithstanding they have a dozen
children to share it with them. My experience
in the love of God is very shallow; yet I have
felt enough to satisfy me, that the more our love
to God increases, the nearer will be our love to
each other, and the more indissoluble the tie;
and the stronger this union, the more it will re¬
flect on all around; and turning to its source, the
love of Jesus will reflect back again with a per¬
petually increasing purity.
But I build my strongest argument on those
words, 0 death, where is thy sting ? 0 grave,
where is thy victory? If death can eternally
separate kindred spirits, it hath eternally a
sting! And if the grave can eternally retain the
280 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
body, it would have an eternal victory. But
there is a covenant made with our dust. His
elect shall be gathered from the four winds. Bone
shall come to its bone, and not one forget its
socket. And shall nothing be lost but our spirit¬
ual union ? Shall the grand enemy still have
that one trophy left to glory in, and to insult over
the saints of God ? Shall we believe him when
he says, "A day is coming in which your closest
unions, your purest ties of friendship, shall be no
more! All that wonderful chain of providences,
in which angels were employed in bringing you
together, shall be sunk in eternal oblivion ! In¬
deed, this was not the original design of the
Almighty; but I have overturned this one great
design of love, and that so effectually, that the
Saviour himself could not restore it; and instead,
of having abolished all the consequences of death,
it leaves the scar of separation for ever! Now I
am the father of death, and have so far conquered,
that what God hath in design eternally joined
together, I have eternally put asunder!" Ah,
no ! glory be to our victorious Conquerof 1 death
shall be for ever swallowed up in complete vic¬
tory ! He hath abolished it, with all its conse¬
quences, and brought life and immortality to light
by the gospel. He hath • broken down the wall,
removed the veil; and through him we are come
to the Church of the first-born, to the spirits of
just men made perfect. We are fellow-citizens
with the saints, and of the household of God!
And having overcome the sharpness of death, he
hath already opened the kingdom of heaven to
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 281
all believers. Perhaps some may say, But if it
be thus, why do not the Scriptures plainly tell us
death is no division but on our side; and that our
friends still see, hear, and are about us ? I
answer, There may be many reasons why a veil
should be drawn over this heavenly secret. It is
probable the primitive Church knew it more per¬
fectly; but what was the consequence? When
they left their first love, they no longer held the
Head, but ran into the false humility of the wor¬
ship of angels, instead of worshipping God only,
and adoring him for the angelic ministry. Per¬
haps some communion with departed spirits
caused the first step into the egregious errors of
the Papists; and man, ever prone to extremes,
knew not how to throw away the abuse, without
throwing away the use of this heavenly secret.
Nevertheless, " The secret of the Lord is still
with the righteous, and his ear is open to their
prayers. He will manifest himself to them,
though not unto the world;" and he will grant to
heavenly minds, when he sees good, a heavenly
communication with the Church triumphant.
About this time I had a letter from my brother-
in-law, De la Plechere, in Switzerland, letting me
know that his son was coming to England, and
he wished him to spend some time with me :
hoping the sight of the place on which his dear
uncle had spent so many years' labor, might, with
the blessing of God, raise some thoughts in his
mind of the importance of a religious life. I
laid the matter before the Lord, believing he
would order all right; for ever since the removal
24*
282 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
of my beloved husband, I have so experienced
the effects of his last prayer, " Head of the
Church, be head to my wife," that I was not per¬
mitted to doubt that all concerning me was under
the Lord's immediate direction. And though my
state was not for the present joyous, yet, through
all, I inwardly believed the hairs of my head were
numbered. Some particular circumstances, how¬
ever, caused me to think it was the order of God
I should go to Bristol,. Bath, and some other
places, and that now was the time; for after my
return, it might be that the Lord had something
for me to do or to suffer here.
Since my marriage I had travelled a good deal
with my dear Mr. Fletcher,'and in these journeys
had often suffered much through needless fears: the
most predominant passion of my soul by nature.
And what, thought I, should such a poor creature
as I do with only Sally, and under some disad¬
vantages I had not then ? But still I believed it
to be the call of God.
At the time I had appointed to set out, there
was an appearance of much snow, which caused
my friends to advise me to put off my journey a
little longer; but as this would have deranged
some plans, I thought it better to follow the
course which I had fixed. When all was ready,
and I was waiting for the carriage, I cast my eyes
on the Bible which lay open before me, at the thir-
fourth Psalm. Much of it was applied to my
heart: in particular these words : " 0 magnify the
Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 283
me from all my fears." Faith sprang up in my
heart. I said, It shall he fulfilled j and from that
hour I have felt such a change, in regard to fear,
as I can give no one an idea of, unless they should
have suffered, as I have done, from the same in¬
firmity.
All the way as I went through various things,
which would once have been very painful, I could
feel those words my own which for so many years
I had longed after, viz., that " resignation left me
no room for fear." No: "The angel of the Lord
encampeth around about them that fear him, and
delivereth them."
Many providences I met with in my journey,
and very clearly did I see the hand of the Lord
in various places and things. While I was at
Bristol, in the house of my kind and affectionate
friend, sister Johnson, I was agreeably surprised
with the sight of Mr. H , who had left his
native place, and was just come to settle at Bris¬
tol, because he believed it most profitable for his
soul. He presented me to his wife, a serious
woman, saying, My dear, this is your mother also,
for she is mine; and both assured me of their
determination to be entirely devoted to God. As
there was something singular in this affair, I will
mention the particulars. In the journey which
I took with sister Ryan to Clifton, for her health,
when I was about the age of twenty-seven, we
lodged in a house where the family were very
ungodly. There was only my sick friend, myself,
and the nurse; and our whole apartment# con¬
sisted of two chambers. After we had been there
284 LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER.
two or three days, we observed some things which
we did not like very well. One night there was
a strange noise below stairs, as of very rat¬
tling, wild company. It may be supposed it
did not well agree with my sorrowful heart j for
at that season I had nothing to expect (humanly
speaking) but to bury my dear friend there, or
carry her back in a coffin—only she had various
promises to the contrary, which sometimes I be¬
lieved, and sometimes doubted. On inquiring
next morning, they informed us that " Mr. H
was come, and now they should be all alive." I
had before asked the family (who did not appear
to be persons of the best character) if they would
choose to come up into my room in the morning
to family prayer, as they were only women ? But
they never, as I remember, accepted the invita¬
tion. However, some days after the above men¬
tioned racket, they sent me word, " If I pleased,
Mr. H and themselves would wait on me to
prayer the next morning." I did not dare to
refuse, and answered they were welcome. God
only knew what a cross I felt in so doing ! I had
all the reason that could be to think they only
wanted to divert themselves; and the receiving a
wild young gentleman, with such gay ladies, into
my bedchamber, seemed to me a strange enter¬
prise. The chapter I chose to read was the
twenty-fifth of Matthew. I spoke with freedom
on each of the parables, and found God was with
my mouth. I did not much look off the book,
till about the middle of the parable of the talents,
I cast my eyes toward Mr. H——, and was sur-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 285
prised to find his earnestly fixed on me, and
swimming with tears. When prayer was over, he
respectfully returned me thanks, and went down
stairs. After attending three mornings, he stopped
behind the family, and told me, when they were
gone, that he was convinced he had led a bad life,
and he wished to learn how to do better: that he
was free from all business, had a good fortune,
and was only here accidentally; and if I would
tell him where he could get instruction, and help
for his soul, he would go anywhere; " for this
house," said he, "I must leave." From the first,
morning there was no more noise, singing, break¬
ing glasses, or rude behavior of any kind. As my
friend grew worse, we were desired to leave Clif¬
ton, and try Bath. There she recovered to
admiration; and in a short time we returned to
the orphan house at Laytonstone. Mr. H
made good his words; and cultivating the friend¬
ship of some pious persons whom we had recom¬
mended to him in London, particularly brother
George Clark, he became much confirmed in the
truth; and hath ever since remained a follower
thereof, and a promoter of the prosperity of Zion.
At Bristol also I met with poor Fanny,* much
grown in grace, and adorning her profession.
And after a month's absence, I was brought again
in peace to Madeley, and constrained to say,
" In all my ways his hand I own:
His ruling providence I see."
I now found my dear love's relations in Switz-
* The Jewess mentioned in the former visit.
286 LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER.
erland laid greatly on my mind in prayer; and
sometimes, when engaged therein, it has seemed
to me as if his dear spirit so joined with me as I
cannot express; and for his nephew in particular,
whom I expected, I was greatly drawn out in in¬
tercession.
Being poorly one Saturday night, about ten
o'clock, (the last week in May,) I was about re¬
tiring to bed, when word was brought me that
my nephew was arrived. He could speak but
little English, and I but little French. This was
the first I had seen of my dear husband's rela¬
tions. He was of his own name, his godson, and
his only nephew. But alas! I now received
him alone, and instead of showing him his dear
uncle, and sweet instructor, I could only lead him
to the silent tomb, and say, "Live as he lived,
and thou shalt die as he died."
I found him, as I expected, quite carnal, and
very averse to the things of God. As my spirits
were very weak, and his pretty high, I wished to
have him rather as a visitor than one of my fam¬
ily ; and Providence so appointed for me. Mr.
Horne, the curate, understanding French, kindly
offered to receive him into his house, until he
was more perfect in the English language. I
soon discovered he was of a sweet temper, a fine
understanding, and outwardly very moral; but
withal a strong Deist; and as he delighted much
in philosophy, he placed such confidence therein
as to believe he could set us all right, if he might
have but five hours' dispute with us.
1 inquired of the Lord concerning the method
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 287
I should use toward him; and saw, for the
present, I was only called to show him conde¬
scension and love—to consider myself as his ser¬
vant in Christ, and therefore to stand always
ready to take up my cross, and in every thing in¬
nocent to do his will rather than my own. And
as I could not say much to him in words, I must
the more endeavor to show him, by the example
of myself and family, that religion justly bears
the character given her in those words :
" Mild, sweet, serene and tender is her mood,
Nor grave with sternness, nor with lightness free :
Against example resolutely good;
Fervent in zeal and warm in charity."
It appeared to me as if those four lines were
given me as a direction which I must ever keep
before my eyes. And much did I plead with the
Lord, that nothing he saw in me, or mine, might
tend to set him farther off from G-od. When we
could converse in English with tolerable ease, I
perceived he had not only imbibed many wrong
sentiments, but had such a stock of Pharisaical
righteousness as I scarcely ever met with he-
fore.
One day, as he was talking, in his free way,
about the truths of the gospel, a friend said,
" If your aunt hears you talk at this rate, she will
be much grieved." He replied, " But I will not
say these things to her; though should my aunt
talk much to me about religion, I fear I shall not
keep my temper; for my uncle drove many peo¬
ple mad when he was abroad. I do believe there
were three hundred who were quite mad! They
288 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
talked of being filled with love, and kept praying
and running together, not only while he was
there, but since that time also."
Hearing of this, I said, " Tell him I will pro¬
mise to keep my temper, whether he does or not,
for my love to him has a better foundation than
he can shake." In order to improve in the
English language, he proposed to read to me
some hours in a day; and I was to choose the
books. Mr. Wesley was so kind as to send him
Beatty's Evidences of the Christian Religion,
which he read with some pleasure; but as yet his
heart remained untouched.
I was very conscious I had none of that wis¬
dom which in cases of this kind is often very
useful; and, where it is joined with Divine unc¬
tion, does beautifully illustrate the truths it en¬
deavors to defend. But that word was remem¬
bered with pleasure, "I will choose the foolish
things of the world to confound the wisdom of
the wise." And again, " My strength shall be
made perfect in weakness."
Well, thought I, if I have no philosophical ar¬
guments to bring, I will so much the more cry
to the Strong for strength. I cannot do with the
armor I have not proved; but the stone of con¬
viction, and the sling of faith, is that which I
must depend on; and when these are directed
by the Spirit of God, nothing can stand against
them.
Many of the Protestants in Switzerland are
Deists; they are nevertheless very strict in bring¬
ing the young people to the communion; and
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
they esteem it a reproach to do otherwise. jS£-
nephew expressed a desire of joining with us in
that mean of grace; for haying been from home
some years at the university, he had not yet been
brought to the table. Mr. Horne told him freely
his scruples in receiving him as a communicant;
but after much conversation, he perceived a de¬
gree of conviction, and a desire to know the
truth, and consented to admit him.
The first time he came to the table, as he was
kneeling beside me, and Mr. Horne was speaking
those words, "The blood of the Lord Jesus
Christ which was shed for thee"—I found such
a power of prayer spring up in my heart, it
seemed as if I claimed a ray of the Divinity just
then to penetrate his soul. He hath since told
me he felt something very particular at that mo¬
ment. My greatest difficulty, however, lay here—■
he did not believe the Scriptures. I was there¬
fore cut off from drawing any arguments from
them, and could only hold to this, the necessity
of a change, in order to be capable of enjoying
the Supreme Being.
I observed to him, "You believe heaven to be a
state, and a place of holiness, and the happiness
there to be separate from all sin : is there not
then an absolute heed of having a disposition suited
thereto?" This he readily allowed ; but added,
" Then I will make myself this new creature.
The Supreme Being hath not left his work im¬
perfect. He hath given me powers sufficient, if
I do but use them; and if I am to do all by this
grace of Glod, as you say, then what has God to
25
290 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
thank me for ?" I endeavored to convince him
of our utter helplessness, except through that as¬
sistance which we draw from union with God
through the Saviour, without whom we cannot
do' any thing. He replied, " Indeed, aunt, that
is not my case. I do not know how it may be
with others, but for me, I do assure you, there is
no snare I cannot avoid, nor any passion I cannot
overcome/'
As he abhorred the doctrine of the fall as
much as that of the Divinity of our Lord, I did
not speak often on those heads. I sought rather
to convince him he was fallen, whether through
Adam, or any other way, and that he was a sinner
and unfit for heaven; and narrowly did I watch
for every opportunity of pointing out any dispo¬
sition that would help to prove my argument,
though it was very difficult to bring him to a
consciousness of any. At last I observed he had
an abhorrence of the sin of envy, and a sensibility
of having felt it. I then, on every proper occa¬
sion, enlarged on the- happiness of the blessed,
as consisting in love, the very contrary to selfish¬
ness, which was the principle from which envy
took its life; and therefore he must become a
new creature to enter into that state. This he
now began to see, and sometimes to feel; but all
my hopes appeared to be overturned at once by
a circumstance which occurred. He had fixed
his affections on a lady from whom about this time
he thought he received some encouragement.
Elated with joy, he was carried out of himself.
There was nothing left for me to take hold of.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
291
He tad no ear to hear but on one subject. I re¬
turned to a silent waiting before the Lord.
One night, about the beginning of November,
I dreamed I was in a church, standing by a com¬
munion table, on which lay a large Common
Prayer Book, open in the service of matrimony.
I observed it was all marked, as my dear husband
used to mark those books he much approved.
I beheld it with pleasure, for, being near the 12th
of Novemb'er, I took it as a token that he re¬
membered with approbation the transaction of
that day—our marriage. I was conscious of the
presehce of his dear spirit as sent to communicate
something to me. As I looked on the book, he
signified to me the whole was emblematic, though
few entered into the spirituality of it: adding,
" This is a great mystery: I speak concerning
Christ and the Church." As I cast my eyes on
that word, " Who giveth this woman to this man ?"
he pointed me to that text, "None cometh to the
Son but whom the Father draweth." As nothing
was spoken in words, it is difficult to describe the
ideas which were conveyed to my mind. A
gleam of light seemed to break forth in my soul,
by which I discovered in how full a sense the
souls of the redeemed are given by the Father to
the Son, as his bride. I then thought on those
words, " The marriage of the Lamb is come, and
his wife hath made herself ready." In this ac¬
ceptable moment, my nephew came to my mind.
I said with a groan, 0 for our nephew! Im¬
mediately I saw a little bird fly around and
around. I said, That is the emblem of my
292 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
nephew's spirit. If it come to me and I take it
up, his soul will be given unto me. I had no
sooner spoken the word, hut it came and alighted
on the table before me. I took it up, stroked it,
and let it fly again. A thought then struck my
mind—0, but he does not believe the Scriptures !
The bird came, and I took it up the second time.
As it flew again, I thought, 0, but he does not
believe in the Divinity of our Lord! Im¬
mediately it returned, and I took it up a third
time. I no more saw it flying, but a beautiful
large bird stood with great solemnity before me,
and I awoke.
As I was in prayer a little time after the above
dream, these words bore on my mind, "He set-
teth the solitary in families, and maketh them
households as a flock of sheep." Also, "Thy
sons shall come from far; and thy daughters shall
be nursed at thy side." It was on the Monday
night I had the dream here related; and on the
following Friday, my nephew received a flat denial
from the before-mentioned lady. Here all his
philosophy and boasted reason failed. He was as
one driven to desperation. The next night he
told me all his heart, saying, "0 aunt! if you
could see into my breast, you would see how trou¬
bled I am for the pain I have caused you. But
now I see you are in the right. No! we cannot
do without the help of God. I thought I could
conquer every passion, but now I find they are
taller and bigger than I." After telling me how
many trials and disappointments he had met with
in life, he added, "Do, dear aunt, pray with me."
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
293
I did so, lie weeping all tlie time with, groans.
When we rose from our knees, he said, "Ah! X
am in the wrong: I thought all religion stood in
the abhorrence of outward evil; but now I see
there is something more." I told him my dream:
when I came to that part of it relating to himself,
he was much moved, and said, "0, aunt, if it de¬
pend on me, it shall be accomplished, indeed it
shall."
The next morning, he told me that after we
had parted the last night, as he was striving to
pray, he found all his troubles gone, and felt for
a few moments such a tranquillity as he had never
known before. But his trouble, as well as his
reluctance to believe, returned again; yet with
this difference: he had now a consciousness that
he was wrong, and expressed a great desire to
know and embrace the truth.
From some concurring circumstances, I believed
it to be the order of God to invite him to live with
me the remainder of the time he had to stay in
England; but remembering what a friend had
said, "I cannot converse with him any more: he
tears open all the wounds of unbelief;" I said,
"Lord, shall it be so with me?" and was answered
by the application of that word to my mind, "I
will not send you a warfare at your own charges."
And, glory be to my adorable Lord, so it proved;
for all he could say served but to light up a fresh
candle in my soul! Every time I read the Scrip¬
tures, a new lustre shone on every part, and the
Divine evidence rose higher and higher in my
heart. I could now observe he heard with deep
25*
294 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
attention; and one day he said to me, "Aunt, it
is not now that I will not believe, hut that I can¬
not; for when you read the chapter night and
morning, and tell your thoughts upon it, it seems
unanswerable. But then something comes—some
thoughts—I do not seek them, but they come and
throw me all back again."
His state was now very uncomfortable. Some¬
times he was just ready to receive the Scriptures
as truth: then a variety of objections would start
up in his mind, and cause him to cry out, " How
can these things be?" If we cannot be saved
without believing that Jesus is God, why did he
live and die in such obscurity? Would not a
merciful Being have rendered every thing quite
clear that he required his creatures to believe,
upon pain of their salvation?* He added many
arguments frequently used by Deists, such as,
"How clearly doth the whole creation prove a
Supreme Creator! The day and night, the sun
and moon, and all creatures!—we cannot help be¬
lieving they have a Maker. Why is not the Di¬
vinity of Jesus Christ made as easy to be believed
as these things?" I replied, "The belief of those
things you have mentioned, are by the outward
senses; but religion is an inward principle, which
God must open in our souls, and which changes
every power and passion thereof. If all you are
to believe could be comprehended by the outward
senses, the greatest sinners might be as good be-
* The God of infinite mercy, justice, and truth, has made all clear.
The evidences of his being are not stronger than the evidences of
the religion he has revealed.—Ed.
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 295
lievers as the most holy persons. But the sense
which God opens in the soul, and which we call
faith, makes you acquainted with spiritual things,
and capable of commifbion with God." He then
answered in haste, "God hath never opened such
a sense in my soul, and of course he will not con¬
demn me for not using a power he hath not given."
"True," said I, "it is not opened in you; but it is
because you shut your eyes and heart against it.
Your state is exactly described in the word of
God, whether you will believe it or no. This
same Jesus whom you have despised, was Go the
Jews a stumbling-block, and to the wise Greeks
foolishness; but to us who believe/ we feel hirn
to be ' the wisdom of God and the power of God.' "
It was a precious time to my own soul: I had
such a sweet view of the whole plan of redemp¬
tion ! A ray of light shone upon the amazing
wisdom, as well as love, contained therein, and
filled my heart with a sweet liberty, while I was
attempting to lay before him the hidden glories
of the adorable Jesus, when he appeared without
form or comeliness, and by his deep humiliation
marked out all our way! How well suited this
plan of salvation was to break down the high as¬
piring thoughts of man, and to bring him into
that absolute dependence, and perfect submission,
which make the joys of heaven! I observed also,
that a far greater salvation was wrought out for
us, and a far greater glory would redound to God,
by this wonderful act of free grace, than could
have been if we had never needed such a Saviour.
I now daily discerned some advances: he gave
296 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
back more and more; and the word of God began
to be more honorable in his eyes. But yet he
would say, "Every man hath the right of private
judgment. Can I not be saved without believing
on Jesus Christ? If I address my prayers to the
Supreme Being, and strive to obey him, why
should I be condemned for not believing what I
cannot understand?" To this I answered, "God
so loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten
Son, that all who believe on him should not per¬
ish, but have everlasting life." Now, said I, there
is the condition: "If you believe on him whom
the Father hath given." He seemed in a struggle
to believe, and said with vehemence, "But I can¬
not believe God would become a man, and die for
me. I am not worthy of it. The thought is ab¬
surd! Why, aunt, if I were condemned to death,
do you believe the King of England would die to
save my life ?" No, said I, I believe he would
not. "Now, there is the thing," replied he:
"you start at the thought of the king dying for
me, and yet you want me to believe that God hath
died in my place !"*
I observed the different relation he stood in to
God. The king (said I) did not create you; you
are not his offspring; neither can the love of a
finite being bear any comparison with that pure
unmixed love which dwells in the heart of God.
The king did not voluntarily take all your con¬
demnation on himself. But the Almighty Saviour
has done so. He acts by us as if some great
* What a genuine instance of carnal reasoning!—Ed.
LIEE OE MRS. ELETCHER. 297
potentate should receive into his favor a poor beg¬
gar—make her his spouse—take all her debts on
himself—give her a right to his treasures—a part
in his throne—and a share in all his titles.
"Thus G-od so loved the world, that he gave his
only-begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on
him," should by virtue of that union inherit all
things! Here is the condition; but you will not
comply therewith. Only suppose, for one mo¬
ment, that the king had died to save your life;
but that when you were informed of his unparal¬
leled love, you would give no credit thereto, even
though one should say to you, Only look through
this glass in my hand: I hold it to your eye; only
look through it, and you will see him hang bleed¬
ing there! But you turn away your face with
contempt, and will not so much as look on him
who bleeds for you! Would you not in that case
be a monster of ingratitude? Now this word of
God, this book, is the glass: if with simplicity
and prayer you look into it, you shall there dis¬
cern that Supreme Being, (whom unknown you
worship,) and that " He was in Christ reconciling
the world to himself; and that there is no other
name given under heaven whereby you can be
saved."
One afternoon, as he was reading to me, I
pointed him to the experience of Brother Story,
believing it was suited to his present state. But,
contrary to all I had for a long time seen in him,
he appeared quite hard, and cavilled at almost
every sentence. I answered his objections for a
long time, till I was quite spent. Then looking
298 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
solemnly at him, with tears in my eyes, I put out
my hand to take the book. He was moved, and
said tenderly, "What, aunt! What! No ! I will
read any thing, any thing you give me! You
think me in a bad spirit, aunt !" I replied,
" Why, my dear, I do not think you are in a very
good one. That book does not suit you to-night."
He then read on, till he came to a part very
applicable to his present feelings. He dropped
the book at once, and remained silent. After a
time I asked him what was the matter. He re¬
plied, " I know not what is the matter ! I feel
a horrible sensation ! 0 ! what do I ail ? How
have I been speaking to you! Dear aunt, the
more kind you are, the more ungrateful I am.
What is the matter with me ? I am worse and
worse !" I strove to comfort him, saying, "It is
well: the Lord is beginning to show you your
heart." "Ah !" replied he, " you say very well,
but I say very ill; for I am worse than before I
came to England. 0 ! I am ashamed to think how
I spent my life ! I thought I had done all things
for the glory of Glod. But now I see I have done
all for myself, and to please myself only." After
some time of silence, he said, " I will now tell
you what I have been doing. All this week I
have strove to address my prayers to Jesus Christ,
as you advised me, but, alas ! I am more dull and
cold in them than I ever felt before ! 0 ! if he
is Hod, why doth he not help me ? You said,
aunt, he would answer for himself!" Then in an
agony he added, "Why does he not answer?
Why does he not answer ?" While I was making
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 299
a few observations on the long time the Lord had
waited for him, etc., Mr. Horne came in to meet
the men's class, to which he was that night to go
up for the first time. When he came down, he
said his mind was more composed, and he wished
he had frequented that meeting before.
After supper, being alone, we renewed our con¬
versation, and I repeatedly assured him the Lord
would shine upon him if he would only persevere.
His cry was still, " Why does he not answer ?"
It being late, we parted. I then went again to
the throne of grace, to pour out my complaint
before the Lord. I saw we were come to a
point, and could go no farther without his imme¬
diate help. I had staked all on the faithfulness
of my Grod, and had declared the answer would
come; and now there was nothing more for me to
do, but to obtain it of the Almighty. Sometimes
I felt all faith and hope; at others, as if cold
water .was thrown over the fire of expectation.
Satan was not idle. He suggested, You will find
him to-morrow as you left him to-night. I pleaded
with the Lord that it was np new thing I asked.
He had shown his approval of sacrifices by fire
from heaven : he had wrought for his people : hfi
had given signs and wonders ! " His arm was not
shortened," and I besought him to appear in such
a manner for this young man as should convince
him of the truth. Sometimes I felt all discour¬
agement, but I did not mind that: I knew from
whence it came. I said, Lord, thy word stands
always sure : it is not my feelings, but thy faith¬
fulness, that I depend on. Lord, thou hast said,
300 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
" Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name,
I will do it." I ask this in thy name ! I leave
it in thy hand, assured of the answer. The next
morning he went out early. On his return at
night, he said, "Aunt, I have a great deal to tell
you. After we parted last night I thought I
would pray; but that it was right to consider
what I wanted most. Then I thought, Why, I
want most light on this point, about Jesus Christ.
But will God so condescend as to answer me ?
Then, aunt, I heard a voice (not with my ear, but
I did hear it) say, Yes, he will. Then I began
and made prayer—and an hour went away like a
minute—and I could say, Through the Lord
Jesus Christ! 0 ! dear aunt, I thought I must
have come up and told you, but you were gone to
bed. And again I thought, Maybe to-morrow
God will confirm this. And so he has; for when
I was at Waters-upton, Mr. G. H. began to
make pleasantry of the miracles of Jesus Christ.
I said in myself, Yesterday I could have smiled
at this, and heard it with pleasure; but now it
was a horrible sensation : I could not bear it: I
was forced to go out of the house. Was not that
a sign, aunt, that there is some change in me?"
Soon after he had a particular dream. He
thought he was in Switzerland, and attempting to
converse with one of his old acquaintances on the
things of God; but was much surprised to find
he could only speak in English. Afterward, as
he stood at a window with his father, he saw
eight full moons all at once, and said in his mind,
It means eight months. A beautiful city then
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 301
rose up before his eyes, and as he looked thereon,
he beheld a lovely appearance, and thought, Is
that St. John? He looked, till, dazzled with the
beams of glory which surrounded the face as it
passed over the city, he cried out, See! father,
see ! The Lord Jesus ! The Lord Jesus ! and so
awoke. This dream seemed to make a deep im¬
pression on him, though he attempted no explana¬
tion. About a week after this, coming home one
night late, from visiting a sick neighbor, on my
inquiring after his state, he answered, "Aunt, I
have not found the evening long, for I have been
in deep recollection almost all the time you have
been gone. And now I can say, ' Faith is the
evidence of things unseen •/ for if I had seen my
Lord, I could not be more assured than I am."
From this time the change has been more and
more evident. He attends all the meetings with
me, and our dear friends are not a little delighted
to hear the nephew and godson of their beloved
minister telling, in his broken English, that his
eyes, which had long been accustomed to see
darkness, do now behold the light of the Lord.
Some time after, writing to a friend, he uses
these words : " I have altogether left Mr. Home's
house, though fully satisfied with all there; but it
would have been very disagreeable to me to have
been forced to ride daily, and at night, over one
of the worst roads in the kingdom. I have now
for three months enjoyed the happiness of living
with my aunt, and I feel more and more the im¬
mense obligation which I owe to her, not only for
all the temporal care she hath taken for me, but
26
302 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
much more for the blessing of my soul. Yes,
she hath shown me, clearly, that the knowledge
of mathematics, and a vain philosophy, are not
sufficient to procure us true happiness; but the
knowledge of Him only who giveth wisdom lib¬
erally to those who ask it. She hath taught me to
distinguish the things which are situated withiu
the reach of our understanding, from those which
are beyond it; for I must own that the idea which
I had before of the strength of my understanding,
and the extent of my knowledge, was so false,
that I thought nothing to be out of my sphere.
But now, blessed be God ! not only I feel that it
is not permitted to men to scrutinize with profane
looks the mysteries of religion, but I believe
them with a holy respect; and far from being
ashamed to acknowledge Jesus for my Saviour, I
set my glory in it, and that persuasion makes me
happy r
He is indeed a new creature; and his con¬
science appears to be so tender, and his convic¬
tions of the need of a further change so strong,
that I am sunk in amazement and wonder! 0,
what a prayer-hearing God have we to do with!
"Ask, and you shall receive," is more than
ever written on my heart! On the first of Janu¬
ary he was much blessed, and told me he had
found such a power to renew his covenant with
the Lord as he had never done before. He broke
out in prayer with such simplicity as delighted
the whole congregation ! In a few months he
must leave me and return to Switzerland—I trust
in the power of the Lord, to be a messenger of glad
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
803
tidings to the dear family of his precious uncle.
0 my God! what hast thou done for thy poor
worm in the day of her adversity ! " Bless the
Lord, 0 my soul, and all that is within me, bless
his holy name !"
304 life of mrs. fletcher.
PART THE SIXTH.
her religious experience at madeley.
December 3, 1785.
Last night I had a peculiar sense of that
truth, " Thy Maker is thy husband!" I saw
great depth in that declaration. The thought of
belonging only to Jesus was precious! These
words were powerfully on my mind :
" Be bold in Jesus to confide,
His creature, and his spotless bride!
Thy husband's power and goodness prove.
The Holy One of Israel he!
The Lord of hosts hath chosen thee,
In faith, and holiness, and love!"
I saw and felt all things are possible to perse¬
vering faith; but in the midst of this exercise
my old temptation presented, Thou art not in joy !
And some say, " No more holiness than joy."
It was as cold water cast on a fire. My feeble
sore spirit trembled under the suggestion, and
sorrow's waves around me rolled! I said, True,
I have not joy! Again it came to my mind,
Others believe because an overflowing power con-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
305
strains them so to do; but I believe, as it were,
because I will believe.* Yet I thought, Is not
that the way of faith ? Ought I not to hang on
Jesus in the midst of the fire? What is "the
abiding in the secret place of the Most High ?"
Is it not taking shelter in Jesus, and keeping
fixed there, whatever storms may surround ? I
cried to the Lord, and sometimes the faith of
Abraham was set before me. These words of
our Lord were also applied, "Blessed are they
who have not seen, and yet have believed."
But still the weight hung over my soul. At
night I went to bed oppressed, yet struggling to
maintain that faith which "staggers not at the
promise," but gives glory to God by believing.
I dreamed I was in a room with Sally, and saw
a picture, or rather the groundwork for a pic¬
ture, on which was only painted one small sheep
lying down; the .rest was all plain. I said to
her, Sally, look on that picture, and what the
Lord says, your dear master will draw it out for
me to read. I then saw letter by letter come
out, as if wrote (though without any hand or
pen) as follows: " She that dwelleth in the se¬
cret place of the Most High, shall abide under
the shadow of the Almighty." I felt it a con¬
firmation of my faith; and said, There is no better
path than to repose the soul in God, and to go on
in quiet resignation, whatever we may feel. As
I was making that reflection, I heard, though
* So must they in the hour of temptation.—Ed.
26*
306 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
yet asleep, my dear husband's voice, as if close
to my face, speaking these words :
" Shout, all ye people of the sky!
And all ye saints of the Most High:
Our God, who thus his right obtains,
For ever and for ever reigns!"
The beginning I heard in my sleep, but as it
Waked me, the rest was heard afterward; and I
could have known his voice among a thousand.
I saw from it, we never render to God his right
till we abandon, by a perfect resignation, all our
concerns, spiritual as well as temporal, into his
hand, and learn to lie still before him, in the
posture of a little child, hanging each moment
by faith on his mercy. I see how the art of Sa¬
tan has hindered me. Indeed, my present state
is not joyous. I feel, keenly feel, my loss! I
am as a poor sheep alone on the mountains. I
feel a sorrow no pen can describe. I am pene¬
trated with fiery darts, and my health so broken,
my nerves so weak—with a variety of trying
affairs which quite weigh me down. But this
morning the Lord showed me I was not to set
joy as the mark,* but a ready submission and
quiet resignation to his will. That I was to fix
this on my mind, " Whoso trusteth in the Lord
shall never be confounded." That I was to lie
still as clay in his hand, that he in his wisdom
and love might save me in the way that he knew.
My only care should be, to embrace the cross
with a ready will!
* It is a real part of the " kingdom of God," (fiorn. xiv. 17,) but
not sensibly discerned -while the believer is " sifted as wheat."—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 307
February 6, 1786.—My soul is waiting on the
Lord. I believe he will bring me into his un¬
clouded presence! I do feel the truth of these
words:
" They shall, as their right, his righteousness claim."
I also feel that
"I shall, as my right, his purity claim."
I do claim it, and feel a share therein. He keeps
me: I know " He that abideth in me sinneth
not." My soul doth abide, looking by faith to
Jesus; and I do not feel any sin; yet my
sorrow and mourning is deep. I also feel sore
temptation; not to any thing earthly of any kind.
No, I believe " the world is crucified to me," and
I "unto the world !" It has no charms for me;
but I am tempted with great terrors, which come
over my mind in a moment; and my weak nerves,
which have been affected even to a degree of
palsy, help to let in the temptations. At times
the Lord Jesus gives me such a view of his faith¬
fulness and full power to save, that I seem to
forget for a few moments all my sorrow! This
is the case often ; but then the vision shuts again,
and grievous temptations return. I want a full
liberty, such as was given at the outpouring of
the Spirit on the day of Pentecost. I believe
there is a degree of union which shuts out all
sorrow,* the soul having so entered into the ele¬
ment of love, as to be incapable '"of receiving any
idea but what is consonant therewith, or, in other
* No: our Lord was "a man of sorrows." But all rebellious
sorrow we may be saved from.—Ed.
308 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
words, a " dwelling in God," and possessing the
fulness of that promise, " I and my Father will
come and make our abode with you."
February 16.—I found to-day some refresh¬
ment in conversing with that dear old saint, Mary
Matthews, one of my dear love's first children,
who endured much persecution for the truth's
sake many years since. She was called under
the first sermon she heard him preach; and, after
feeling the spirit of bondage nearty two years,
was very clearly set at liberty, and walked many
years in faith and love. It was she who was so
blessed the first Sabbath my dear husband intro¬
duced me into the kitchen among those who met
there; and she has enjoyed a fuller liberty ever
since. She told me that on the day after the
preaching in the last week, having undertaken to
open the door in time for the morning service,
she took the key of the room for that purpose,
and believed the Lord would awake her in time.
About two in the morning (instead of five,) she
was awaked with an extraordinary power of God.
She thought, I must rise and pray. She came
down and broke up the fire, and being in a little
house all alone, she sat down to meditate, and
give full scope to the Spirit. She took up her
hymn-book, but could not read; "for," said
she, " all around me seemed God ! It appeared
to me as if the room was full of heavenly spirits.
I laid the book down, and falling back in my
chair, I remembered no more of any thing out¬
ward, but thought I was at the threshold of a
most beautiful place. I could just look in. The
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 309
first tiling I saw was the Lord Jesus sitting on a
throne! There was a beautiful crown over his
head! It did not seem to bear with a weight,
but as if it was suspended there, and as he turned
his head, it turned with him. A glorious light
appeared on one side, and all around him was
glory! I thought on that word of St. Paul,
(Who dwelleth in light unapproachable !' Turn¬
ing my eye a little, I saw close to my Saviour
my dear minister, Mr. Fletcher! He looked
continually on the' Lord Jesus with a sweet
smile. But he had a very different appearance
from what he had when in the body; and yet
there was such an exact resemblance that I could
have known him among a thousand! Features
and limbs just the same, but not of flesh. It
was what I cannot describe—all light! I know
not what to call it! I never saw any thing like
it. It was, I thought, such a body as could go
thousands of miles in a moment.* There were
several passed who had the same appearance;
and I seemed to have lost my old weak, shaking
body ! I seemed to myself as if I could have
gone to the w.orld's end as light as air ! I looked
on him a long time, and observed every feature
with its old likeness. He then thrned his eyes
on me, and held out his hand to me just as he
used to do. After this the whole disappeared,
and I came to myself, and found it was just
the time when I should open the preaching-
house door." I found her words a comfort to
* What a description! Far beyond her powers.—Ed.
310
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
me.* Ah! my dear husband was a suffering mem¬
ber here; but he is now a bright star in glory.
I am amazed to see how the Almighty appears
for me in outward things. Night and day I have
a sense of safety. I feel as if the angels of the
Lord encamped around about me! Though we
are alone, I and the two girls in this house, some¬
times only Sally and I, no long winter night
seems to have any thing dreary to me ! Indeed,
life and death are equal, the will of God is all!
I feel also a quiet acquiescence in the will of God.
His will shall be my choice! I have no other
rest on earth. Yet I have not joy! But I will
lie in his hands for this also.
Some thoughts have arisen in my mind on this
subject. There has long been a question between
two sorts of religious professors, both devoted to
God. The one part say, "A child of God, labor¬
ing up perfection's hill, may be in darkness and
obscurity for a time, in order to his further puri¬
fication." The others say, "Nay, there can be
no darkness but from the displeasure of God! nei¬
ther is there any true holiness but in proportion
to this joy."
But what do we mean by darkness? And what
do we mean by joy? Many blend the idea of
darkness with deadness. They suppose such to
have no savor of Divine things. They do not
mourn after Jesus, as one who mourns for her
* How wonderful are the ways of God! Instead of that "joy un-,
speakable, and full of glory," which this devoted woman so earn¬
estly desired, he took this way to comfort her! And what a mys¬
tery of love even in this, that he should give it to her, not directly,
but at second hand!—En.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
311
first-born. They can be content with worldly
rest. They look more to men and means for help
than singly to Jesus. They are indeed pained
sometimes because they have no more life; but
their treasure is still here. Such darkness cer¬
tainly the true believer does not feel. The expe¬
rience of Mr. Brainerd is a fine comment on this.
A soul thirsting (in general) after the full mind
of Christ—whose conscience is truly tender, to
whom the world is crucified, and who has no rel¬
ish but for the things of another life—whose eye
is really fixed, " not on the things which are seen,
but on the things which are not seen"—to whom
the prospect of a nearly approaching death is plea¬
sant, from a firm confidence of final salvation,
though that confidence may be oft assaulted;
and who feels an intense though mournful desire
after the whole mind of Christ, and an abiding
filial fear of offending God—such a soul may find
sometimes great obscurity, as if its Saviour was hid¬
den—as if the Lord shut himself up within stone
walls, which prayer could not pass through—so
that even strong supplication and prayer shall seem
to feel resistance. As when Jacob wrestled with
the angel, it seemed as if he wanted to get loose
from Jacob's grasp, without giving him the bless¬
ing. As when our Lord gave that (seemingly)
harsh answer to the Canaanitish woman, "It is
not meet to take the children's bread and give it
unto dogs!" Was it to discourage and drive her
back? Was it from wrath he spoke? Ah, no!
It was to try and to strengthen her faith by exer¬
cise; and to increase her blessing when he pro-
312
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
nounced that word, "0 woman, great is thy faith!
Be it unto thee even as thou wilt." We have often
a wrong idea of faith. When the apostle says,
"I have fought the good fight, I have kept the
faith," how do we understand him? Some say,
"He fought against sin; he was firm in persecu¬
tion; and he always believed. His soul was so
full of light and power that he could not help be¬
lieving." Was there then no conflict in believing?
When St. Paul says, " Cast not away your confi¬
dence," does he mean that they could not cast it
away? Were they to hold it fast, when it needed
no holding? And is it thus that it should have
"great recompense of reward?"
But does not the whole tenor of Scripture speak
of the Christian soldier as "fighting the fight of
faith?" And what is faith, but "the believing
of things unseen?" "Blessed are they who have
not seen, and yet have believed." And to Na-
thanael our Lord says, "Because I said, Under
the fig tree I saw thee, believest thou? Thou
shalt see greater things than these."
It seems to me, therefore, that the way of holi¬
ness is to strive every moment to "look unto
Jesus as the author and finisher of our faith;"
and while the soul is so continually hanging on
him, let it not esteem it a strange thing, if it
should feel the powers of darkness surround it,
inducing horror and dismay! If the believer feel
as though the angel of the covenant struggled
against him—as if he would go away and leave
the soul unblessed, it may seem to have even a
rebuke instead'of a blessing, like the Canaani-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 318
tish woman; nay, it may feel as if all its strength
Was failing, so that it could wrestle no longer.
Perhaps the day begins to break! Death seems
at the door! and the fainting soul cries out, "0,
what is all my wrestling come to! My day of
grace is gone, and I am not saved 1" Put the
very next moment may bring the "new name of
Israel! As a prince thou hast power with God,
and hast prevailed."
June 19.—I now see clearly what I want. My
soul is not brought fully into the element of love.
There is a fulness of love, or "a perfect love,
which casts out all fear." I have not perfect re¬
signation; yet my will never seems to oppose God.
I have not perfect peace: it is disturbed by temp¬
tation. I have not perfect union with God: clouds
come between. In short, that salvation I felt at
Hoxton, and which I now feel, is like Israel when
on the borders of Canaan. But I am not put in
full possession. I do not dwell in lpve. I am
determined, however, never to rest short of it;
and I believe that is the meaning of the promise
so impressed upon my mind, "An abundant en¬
trance shall be ministered unto you into the king¬
dom of our Lord Jesus Christ." Lord, hasten
the hour! I have no hope but from thee. "It is
not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth,
but of God that showeth mercy! Not by might,
nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord
of hosts!"
Well, if I am thus perfectly saved, I shall be
the greatest monument of mercy! for since that
time I was blessed at Hoxton, how often have I
27
314 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
sunk back from that liberty of faith! and though
the Divine change has ever since remained on my
soul, yet there have been times in which I have
been a monster in my own eyes, for I have many
times found self, and from that root every evil
springing up in my soul.
I would give a list of the evils I have felt, but,
alas! when I attempt it, I am lost! I cannot
find any words to express myself in. But this I
will say, for the comfort of some who have known
these things, and into whose hands this account
in ay fall, that wherein they have lamented their
inbred corruption, I have much more cause for
lamentation.
O! if I were but for one hour permitted to enter
heaven, that I might throw myself at the feet of
all whom I have offended, or hindered, by my pride,
self-will, and other evils, it would yield me some
consolation. Yet I believe I shall be delivered
from them all, and even from this painful reflec¬
tion. Yes, I shall. The God of love hath said,
" Thou shalt walk with me in white—I will make
thee worthy !" And my soul has of late felt a
great renewal of that promise. Yes, I shall over¬
come ! I begin, though but faintly, to shout vic¬
tory ! I shall overcome! for I singly trust in
Jesus.
Friday, June 23.—Three days ago, as I was
thinking of the above words, "I am not brought
into the element of love," a thought came into
my mind. Thou waitest and pleadest to be
brought into another state: abide in Jesus—that
is the way to love, and to bring, forth all good
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 315
fruit. I weighed it over in my mind, and saw
that it was so. I have Jesus! and have I not all
in him? Those words shone with light on my
heart, " Christ is made of Glod unto you wisdom,
righteousness, sanctification, and redemption." I
felt I ought to rejoice in my privilege—the privi¬
leges of my present dispensation. I am brought
into a state of love; and that I do not abundantly
grow therein is because I do not abide every mo¬
ment in a quiet, peaceable confidence, believing
the Lord will enable me to glorify him in and
through every thing. These words were yester¬
day, and are still, the language of my soul:
"No condemnation now I dread,
Jesus and all in him is mine:
Alive in him my living head,
And just in righteousness Divine,
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown through Christ my own."
Friday, July 21.—0, the union my spirit feels
with my dear husband! Time makes no differ¬
ence to me. As I was offering up my trials to
the Lord to-day, these words came to my mind,
"Ask of the Lord grace to suffer as much and as
long as he pleases." I thought, So I will: I will
not even wish to have it mitigated.
Saturday, July 22.—Yesterday I was at the
chapel in Madeley Wood, and found much free¬
dom of spirit while speaking on these words,
" Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy
name." This morning I feel my soul cast on the
Lord, and was blessed in reading those words of
Fen^lon, " Your letter leaves me nothing to wish
for. It confesses all that is past, and promises
316 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
every thing for the future. With regard to the
past, you need only leave it to God with an hum¬
ble confidence, and repair it by a constant fidelity.
You ask what penances are required for the past!
Can we perform greater, or more salutary ones,
than bearing our present crosses ? The best
reparation of our past vanities is the being hum¬
ble, and content that God should humble us.
The most rigorous of all penances is, notwith¬
standing all our dislikes and weariness, to do daily
and hourly the will of God rather than our
own."*
Thursday, July 27.—For some days I have felt
keen darts from the enemy, and such a sense of
being alone in the world as I cannot express. But
last night, in the midst of these feelings, I felt a
strong impression that my trials were increased
by my not courageously believing every moment
that the Lord has absolutely undertaken my whole
cause. And I am convinced that when Satan
pursues me with glooms and threatenings, I ought
to believe that all is permitted to exercise my
faith and patience. I feel at all times that my
heart has embraced the glory of God, as my one
sole care, and therefore I have ^nothing to do even
with my state, whether it is joyous or sad, bdt
only to cling to the covenant I have entered into,
of being a whole burnt-sacrifice to the Lord; and
leave him to choose for me every moment, who
is in himself all wisdom and love. This thought
brought with it a sweet peace; and these words
* How well some Romanists have written on Christian obedience!
O si sic omnia 1—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 317
were applied to my soul, "Cast not away there¬
fore your confidence, which hath great recompense
of reward, for ye have need of patience, that after
ye have done the will of Grod, ye may receive the
promise." I see also that I must singly trust in
Jesus, resolved to believe that he will make me
more than conqueror through all. " None ever
trusted in him, and was confounded." My one
cry therefore shall be, " Lord, glorify thyself in
thy poor creature, and that is enough." In the
ni^ht I was exercised with pain more than com¬
mon, but my mind seemed to be fixed on this,—
Lord, glorify thyself! I slept; and waked in that
thought, and it brought peace.
August 3.—This time of the year returning
affects me much. This day twelve months was
the last in which my dear husband enjoyed per¬
fect health, and the last in which he visited his
people. 0 ! how does every hour present the
past scenes to my view. But I find power to live
in the spirit of sacrifice. As I was this morning
reading Mr. Wesley's note on Judges, chap. iv.
14, it was made a blessing to me. It is said of
Barak, " He went down from Mount Tabor."
Mr. Wesley adds, "He did not make use of the
advantage which he had of the hill, where he
might have been out of the reach of Sisera's iron
chariots. He boldly marches down into the
valley, to give him the opportunity of using his
chariots and horses, that so the victory might be
more glorious." So it seems to be with me.
When I had every help and every comfort, he
brought me into the valley indeed! unto the loss
27*
318 LIFE or MRS. FLETCHER.
of all my earthly comforts; and into deep and
fierce temptation. And yet those very things
which would have been a great trial to me, and a
great alarm to my fears, when I had my dearest
companion with me, are nevertheless rendered
easy; and my Captain going before seems to gain
for me an easy victory. He is my light in diffi¬
culties, my protection in dangers, and my con¬
tinual shield. But that word of the Lord spoken i
to Gideon, " The people are too many for me to
deliver Israel, by them," casts a still clearer light
on my path. I was the happiest of women ! I
had every thing which friendship, the most
heavenly and refined, could give. My helps were
too many: I could not 'feel my deep nothingness.
God has stripped me of all! Yet I will look
every moment for the complete victory.
Monday, August 14.—How awful a Sabbath
was yesterday to me ! The remembrance of the
tremendous scene that day twelve months, deeply
penetrated my heart. The whole of the last
week has been to me very solemn. Every hour
has pointed out some part of the bitter cup which
I have drunk, and do still deeply drink of.
This day has also been a time of deep exami¬
nation. What difference do I find between this
and the last fourteenth of August, the day of my
dear husband's death ? I find a good deal, many
ways. First, I have more vehement longing after
Christ. Secondly, I am stripped of all desire of
human comforts, and dead to earth in a fuller
degree than I ever was before in any part of my
life. Thirdly, That fierce conflict of temptation
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 319
which I endured at that time has wrought for my
good. Fourthly, I am more constant and faithful
in private prayer: indeed, it is my one business;
and I have a more watchful spirit. Fifthly, I feel
a more perfect resignation; and though my wound
continually bleeds, yet I can continually say, Thy
will be done. Yet nothing can supply the place
of the full indwelling Spirit. The Lord is ever
with me. I have surprising helps and deliver¬
ances, and victory in every trial. -I feel I am
crucified to the world; but yet I want the promise
of the Father in its fulness.
Tuesday, August 15.—Yesterday being (accord¬
ing to the days of the month) the annual return
of the time when my dearest love departed this
life, I set it apart for prayer and close examina¬
tion, to know what I had gained or lost in this
black year. Most of the day I was in heaviness;
but by the light of Glod I clearly discerned his
powerful hand was upon me. The entire dead-
ness I find to every thing worldly : the purity in
which the Lord continually keeps my soul: the
increasing vigor of my spiritual affections: my
great love for souls, and abundant liberty in
speaking to them, with the many degrees of
resignation to the Divine will which I feel my
soul sunk into; and that spirit of love which ever
prompts me to turn the other cheek, all give me
good hope. Now, thought I, though I felt a
measure of all this before, is not the increase of all
these an evident mark that the work of Grod is
deepened in my soul ? I saw it was so, and was
constrained to cry out, This hath God wrought!
320 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I then was led to reflect on my union with my
dear husband, and saw how much of the heavenly
state we had enjoyed together; and it seemed as
if I so longed to give up all for God, that I
offered up to his Divine will even our eternal
union, (if it was in reality, as many suppose, that
separate spirits forget all they have known and
loved here,) that his will might be done. I
seemed content, so my dearest love and my own
soul were lost in his immensity, and should know
each other no more ! I then found, as it were, a
conversation carried on in my mind. The ques¬
tion arose, What part of our union can heaven
dissolve ? It will take away all that was painful:
such as our fears for each other's safety, our
separations, etc. But what of the pleasant part
can heaven dissolve ? I answered from the bot¬
tom of my heart, Nothing, Lord, nothing ! Clear
as light it appeared before me, that heaven could
not dissolve any thing which agreed with its own
nature. Let two drops of water, two flames of
fire, or any two quantities of the same element,
be put together, they would not destroy each
other, but would be increased. So what came
down from God would, when returned to its
source, live for ever, and be corroborated, but not
lessened.
I am quite at a loss for words to describe the
feelings of that hour; but it fixed in my soul an
assurance of our eternal union. And as it in¬
creased my tender affection toward my dear hus¬
band, so it seemed to spread it to all around.
I felt it reflect, as it were, backward and forward,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 321
to and from all the heavenly host: all seemed
doubly dear, through that endearing love I found
to him. At the same moment a peculiar sense
of union with my friend Ryan sprang up in my
soul; and I seemed to worship with them both
before the throne. As I rose from my knees, I
had an application of these words, as from his
own dear mouth:
"The days that in heaven they spend,
For ever and ever shall last."
0 ! what did I feel! My eyes overflowed with
tears, and my heart with praise!
November 15.—Last Sunday (the 12th) was to
me a heavy day. That was the day my dear hus¬
band gave himself to me, and that I gave myself
to him, or rather the Lord gave us to each other.
But I was enabled to go through the duty which
the Lord called me to that day, with calmness
and resignation.
This day I had, at my ten o'clock hour, much
freedom in pouring out my heart to the Lord. I
prayed that I might have an increase of faith. I
then opened an old book, which helped me to
make some reflections very suitable to the present
posture of my mind. I had been considering
whether I might expect as fully to glorify my
Saviour as one who had been less guilty and sin¬
ful. For two days that question had been upper¬
most in my heart, and the following words much
in my mouth:
"If so poor a worm as I
May to thy great glory live!"
322
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
But to-day I was led into the following con¬
siderations : The Lord Jesus hath, said, They to
whom much is forgiven, love much, hut they to
whom (comparatively) little is forgiven, love
little; and this is corroborated by three parables—
the lost sheep, the piece of money, and the
prodigal son. But why is it so? Can I find
sufficient ground for my faith to set its foot upon ?
The following thoughts occurred to my mind :
First, We generally love best what has cost us
most. My Saviour has drunk a more bitter
draught for me than for many 3* therefore he
hath paid a higher price for me. All the pain,
shame, and evil consequences of sin, "he hath
borne in his own body : he hath borne my grief,
and carried my sorrows." Well, then, I have
more to love him for than any other.
Secondly, The author observes, " It is certain
we may believe that God will give them the first
place in his esteem who have glorified him most
in this world." But who are they? Doubtless
those who believe most—who come nearest to the
faith of Abraham; for to believe in God's faith¬
fulness to his promises, and in his power to per¬
form them, is to give him glory. Bom. iv. 20,
21, " He staggered not at the promise through
unbelief, but was strong in faith, giving glory to
God; and being fully persuaded that what he
had promised he was able also to perform."
From hence it follows, that to believe the truth
* Here is a fine illustration of those words of the apostle, "In
lowliness of mind, let each esteem the other better than himself."
Can we keep the unity of the Spirit without this?—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 323
and faithfulness of God1 in his promises, and
in his power to perform, (even in those cases
where the performance is most difficult and rare,)
is a greater glorifying of G-od, and shows a higher
degree of faith, than to believe in ordinary cases
only, wherein the belief is not so generous and
noble, or so remote from the common principles
of reason. The high commendation of Abraham's
faith, by which he is said to give glory to God,
(i. e., in a very signal and transcendent manner,)
is expressed in these words, Who against hope
believed in hope. His faith, breaking through
the strong oppositions which the dictates of reason
and nature made against it, was highly pleasing
to God, and cast an abundance of glory upon him
in that respect. Hence he pronounced him the
father of the faithful, and made him the father
of many nations; that is, he conferred and set¬
tled this great dignity upon Abraham, to be for
ever after reputed and acknowledged the great
exemplar, or pattern of all, who to the end of the
world should believe; and who, for their number,
should equalize many nations. Therefore, that
believing in God which accords most with this
faith of Abraham, hath most of the spirit and
power of that grace. That which lifteth up it¬
self in the soul against the strongest assaults or
encounters, must needs glorify God more than
that which hath only the common impediments
and obstructions to overcome. Now it is plain
that he who hath been an inveterate and obdurate
sinner, and the most deeply ungrateful; and who
hath on his conscience a heavier burden of guilt
324 LIFE OF MRS FLETCHER.
than any other—when he believes, I say, he hath
much communion with Abraham in the excel¬
lence of his faith, and believeth against many
fierce lions and bears in his way: against the
strongest and most violent temptations to diffi¬
dence and despair. Whereas, he who hath no
such mountains in the way for his faith to leap
over; he who hath no such armed fears, no such
imperious contradictions of sin to encounter—his
faith, though it hold good correspondence with
the faith of Abraham, in the nature and truth
of it, yet it is far beneath it in that crowning
property whereby it gave glory to God so abun¬
dantly.*
December 12.—In prayer this morning I was
led to see the beauty of faith in reposing the
whole soul on God. Surely, 0 Lord, thou re-
quirest nothing of me but to believe on thee for
all I want! I find the strongest dart of Satan is
against my faith. He tells me, all day long, that
I believe because I will believe, and not by the
immediate gift of God, not by the operation of
his Spirit. It seems that is the only hold Satan
has on my soul. But was not my first word
fwhen seven years old) an invitation to believe?
"Who on Jesus relies, without money or price,
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness huys."
* " The weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice's den."
To a mind less devoted than Mrs. Fletcher's, these speculations
might be dangerous. They might lead to Antinomianism, which,
as Mr. Wesley observes, (in the Minutes of one of the first Confer¬
ences,) comes, in doctrine, within a hair's-breadth of the highest
truths of the gospel. Mrs. Fletcher, however, was preserved from
this danger, and always found Divine aid in the exercise of faith.
By it she overcame.—En.
LIFE OP MRS. PLETCHER. 325
The same is often applied to me now; and
does not the whole Scripture lead to and re¬
quire believing? Were not the Jews rejected
for unbelief? Was it not esteemed hardness of
heart in Israel because they would not believe
the bare promise of God, and so enter into the
good land ? I feel a continual power to trust my
all to Jesus, and the more I trust, the more it
unites me to God. Then I do, I will trust him,
though legions of temptations appear to. hinder I
What mercy ! I have no temptation to sin I no:
my soul hates all that God hates! But every
stroke is against my faith, as if I believed too
much. I prayed the Lord to direct me to some
book on the subject, and found, as soon as I rose
from my knees, one which I never saw before,
among my dear husband's collection. I opened
it on this subject: " Christ the example of our
faith." The writer observes on these words,
" He is near that justifies me : who shall contend
with me ?" that Christ is brought in, as if ut¬
tering them before the high-priest's tribunal,
when they spit upon and buffeted him. When
he was also condemned by Pilate, then he ex¬
ercised faith in God his Father: " He is near
that justifies me;" and as in his condemnation
he stood in our stead, so in this hope of his justi¬
fication he speaks in our stead also, and as rep-'
resenting us in both. And upon this the apostle
pronounces in like words, concerning all believers,
Bom. viii., "It is God that justifieth: who is
he that condemneth?" Christ was condemned;
yea, hath died; who, therefore, shall condemn?
28
326
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
"We have this communion with Christ in his
death and condemnation; yea, in his very faith.
If he trusted in God, so may we; and we shall
as certainly be delivered. Observe, Christ also
lived by faith. We are said, John i. 16, to
"receive of his fulness, and grace for grace;"
that is, grace answerable and like unto his, and
so among others, faith.
" To explain this : First, In some sense Christ
had a faith for justification like to ours, though
not a justification through faith, as we have. He
went not out of himself to rely on another for
righteousness, for his own was perfect: He was
'the Lord our righteousness.' Yet he believed
on God to justify him, and had recourse to God
for justification. He is near (says he) that justi¬
fies me. If he had stood upon his own person
merely, and upon his divinity, there would have
been no occasion for such a speech; but as he
stood in our behalf, there was; for what need of
justification, if he had not been, in some way, ex¬
posed to condemnation ? He must therefore be
supposed to stand here at God's tribunal, as well
as at Pilate's, with all our sins upon him. And,
so Isaiah tells us in chapter liii., ' God laid on
him the iniquities of us all. He was made sin
and a curse,' and stood not in danger of Pilate's
condemnation only, but of God's too, unless he
satisfied him for all those sins. And when the
wrath of God for sin came thus upon him, his
faith was put to it to trust and wait on God for
justification, that he might take off those sins and
his wrath from him, and acknowledge himself
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
327
satisfied, and the surety acquitted. Therefore,
in Psalm xxii., he is brought in as putting forth
such a faith as we here speak of, crying out,
My God! My God! when, as to sense, his God
had forsaken him. Yea, at the sixth verse, we
find him laying himself at God's feet, lower than
ever any man did! I am a worm, and no man,
a worm which all tread on, and no one thinks it
wrong to kill; and all this because he bore our sins.
" Now his deliverance and justification from all
these (to be given • him at his resurrection) was
the matter, the business he trusted God for;
even that he should rise again, and thus appear
acquitted from them all. Secondly, neither did
he exercise faith for himself only, but for us also;
and that more than we are put to it to exercise
for ourselves; for he, in emptying himself, and
dying, trusted God with the merit of all his
sufferings beforehand; there being such a count¬
less multitude of souls to be saved thereby to the
end of the world. God trusted Christ before he
came into the world, and saved millions of souls
upon his voluntary offering and engagement, and
then Christ at his death trusted God again as
much.* In Hebrews ii. 12, 13, 14, it is made
an argument, that Christ became a man like us,
* "Great is the mystery of godliness," especially in,every thing
respecting the Holy Trinity. Eternity will be employed in de¬
veloping the divinity and glory of our redemption. That the Fa¬
ther should become the God of the Son, by the incarnation! and
that "God manifest in the flesh" should believe, obey, and suffer:
and " through the eternal Spirit" thus " offer himself a sacrifice to
God," in the truth of the nature which he had assumed—what a
depth is here! "Angels desire to look into it." The whole uni¬
verse is interested in it, and will be affected by it for ever.—Ed.
328 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
because he was put to live by faith, and the
apostle brings in these words as prophesied of
him, 'I will put my trust in him/ as a proof of
his being so constituted. Now how should the
consideration of these things help us to believe,
since, in this example of Christ, we have the
highest instance of believing that ever was?
Hast thou the guilt of innumerable sins upon
thee ? Consider what Christ had, though not his
own. Luther boldly says, 'Christ was the great¬
est sinner that ever was'—that is, by imputation.
And yet he trusted God to justify him from all,
and to raise him up from under the wrath due to
them. Dost thou say, Christ was God, and knew
he could satisfy; but I am a sinful man ! Well,
but if thou art one who castest thyself on Christ,
and believest on him, thou art made one with
Christ, and Christ speaking these words, He is
near that justifieth, spake them in thy name as
well as his own, for he stood, in thy stead. It
was only thy sins, and those of others, which ex¬
posed him to condemnation ! and thou seest what
his confidence was beforehand, that God would
justify him. And if he had left any of them un¬
satisfied for, he had not been justified. But by
his being justified from all sin, shall all sinners
be justified who believe in him ? Certainly for
this very reason our sins shall not hinder our
coming to God. He then brings in those words,
John xvii., 'For their sakes I sanctify myself,
that they also may be sanctified through the truth;'
showing how we possess all spiritual blessings
in Christ Jesus."
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 329
I found a sweet and clear .light shine on the
above, and many other passages of the book, and
praised God for the answer of prayer. In short,
I felt we have all in Christ, and that they feel it
most who believe most.
December 28.—My soul seems entirely fixed on
the glory of God! For some days that thought
has been continually in my mind, 0 that I could
really know that he did glorify himself in me !*
If I was sure that all I feel is according to his
will, then, whatever sorrow or conflicts I endure, I
should have a continual heaven. I entreated the
Lord to show me what it was to glorify him, and
in what manner the soul could bring him most
glory.
In a few days my prayer was in part answered.
He showed me, if a lamp were set in the middle
of a table, and several crystals around it, some
more, some less clear, that the clearest crystal
would best reflect the brightness of the lamp.
As to my question, "Which were the souls that
brought most glory to God?" I was taught that
I must judge nothing before the time; for no true
judgment could be formed till that day "when he
should come to be glorified in his saints and ad¬
mired in all them that believe!" Then those who
had been most emptied of self, most deeply hum¬
bled, and most fully prepared to receive and re¬
flect the image of Christ, should eternally bear
the highest resemblance to their Lord. I saw all
* T.he "unction of the Holy One," giving a consciousness of our
conformity to tho Son of God, and to his word, can alone bestow or
continue this high privilege.—Ed.
28*
330 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
good, all glory -was in Mm, and nothing could
bring honor to God, but our becoming nothing,
that he might be all in all! I say I saw it, but
X mean in a far deeper sense than ever I did be¬
fore ! 0, how short are words! I used to feel a
pain in writing a diary, because my words seemed
to convey more than I meant; but now for some
time I have felt just the contrary. I feel more
than I can express.
January 2, 1787.—My mind has been yester¬
day and to-day much affected with the thought
of beginning a new year. This day five years I
left Cross Hall in company with my dearest hus¬
band. 0, what have I seen in five years! And
what may I see before the end of the two next?
Those words have been much with me for some
days, "Stand still and see the salvation of the
Lord." 0 that I may learn to do it in the most
perfect manner!
I am amazed at the goodness of the Lord in
many things. I see him opening all my way be¬
fore me day by day. He cuts out my work, and
shows me how to employ every hour. My heavy
affliction, which I continually feel from the loss
of my dearest love, I do find power to offer up
each moment to the Lord! Yea, I praise him
in the midst of my sorrow that I have such a sac¬
rifice to offer. What hath my Saviour done and
suffered for me! I shall not repent when I get
to glory that I have suffered a little for him.
Though of all I have felt, nothing ever came near
this! It has left the finest strings of nature bleed¬
ing ! But all is well. I feel my mind drawn to
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 331
live on that word, "Thy will be done." In that
I rest, and will for ever rest. My soul, wait thou
only upon God, for of him cometh my salvation.
A deep watchful spirit is what I am praying and
waiting for. I mean that continual cleaving to
Jesus which is implied in that word, "Thou wilt
keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed
on thee."
January 9.—Thinking this morning of my
temptation, that my feeling of God is not sensible,
and consequently my joy but weak, the following
thought came to my mind: Do I not believe
the whole world lieth in the wicked one, and that
he leadeth them captive at his will ? But was I
conscious of his presence or power in any manner
that could be called sensible? I was not. Do I
not believe this was my own state? I do: I
know I abode in the wicked one, and was led
captive at his will. But I know I was in him by
the way and disposition I walked in. I walked
in the way to hell, adding ^sin to sin, except when
now and then a touch of God interfered. I walked
in the disposition of loving and caring for life; I
took my own care on myself, and sought my own
happiness out of God. But I called all this fol¬
lowing my reason and my understanding, so that
all the work of the wicked one on the spirit was
invisible, and hidden from me. Now the apostle
says, "As ye have rendered your members ser¬
vants to iniquity, so render them unto righteous¬
ness." Thus the work of God on the spirit is
invisible, and hidden many times. But I have
known the sensible deliverance, and the convert-
382 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
ing power; and now also lie leads me in a way and
disposition just contrary to what I was—in the
way to heaven, for I feel my treasure is there,
though I seem to know only the marks of his
feet. I feel my wishes dead to all of earth. I
feel his will is my refuge! and as to my disposi¬
tion, ,1 long for full conformity to him. I live in
an act of offering up my whole self to God almost
every moment with a blessed degree of peaceful
earnestness. And therefore I will rejoice in this.
If I knew before that I was in the evil one, and
led by his will, though I had only a hidden com¬
munion, I know now I dwell in God, and am led
by his will, though I have not what some call
sensible joy.* But I seem to have given my
hand to God, as a child to its mother, and he leads
me hour by hour. The above thought was much
blessed to me. A sweet light shone on the work
of grace in my soul, and I have since quietly leaned
upon the bosom of my Saviour.
January 10.—All day yesterday my faith seemed
to grow stronger, and more nakedly to hang on
Jesus. Now and then also sweet glimpses of the
glorious power of faith opened before me. I said,
Lord, give me a word to be as a sword in my
hand! Immediately it came into my mind:
" I shall o'ercome through faith alone,
And stand entire at last."
April 30.—Having been called to take a jour¬
ney, I often thought, while changing from place
* How greatly was she perplexed on this point by the injudicious
conversation of some of her friends, whom the Lord, for wise and
good reasons, led in a way more directly sensible!—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 33S
to place, and meeting with some things rather
difficult, that I was as a ball which could never
fall wrong. I left all to God, and every thing
came right. Yet my loss and painful remem¬
brance of what the circumcising knife of death
had done, seemed to be renewed by every scene.
Herein I learned a lesson. Many had said a jour¬
ney would help me: variety of objects would tend
to lessen my grief. But I did not find it so. My
health was more poorly than at home, and sorrow
seemed increased, and not lessened, by all I met
with. Nevertheless I saw the will of God, and
can say, He gave me to acquiesce every moment;
and whatever my body might feel, my soul gained
good, and my faith is much increased by a thou¬
sand instances of the love and care of my adorable
Saviour manifested to me in that season. Deep
humiliation attended me in all my exercises, pub¬
lic or private; and I know the journey was of the
Lord.
May 3.—Since my return home, I have felt my
.soul sink deeper into God. Some time ago I was
awaked with these words:
" Give to the winds thy fears,
Hope, andjje undismayed:
God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears,
God shall lift up thy head."
Two days ago I was stirred up with reading
those words in Dr. Doddridge's Life: "There
must be an enlargement of soul before any re¬
markable success on others, and a great diligence
in prayer and strict watchfulness over my own
soul previous to any remarkable and habitual en-
334 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
largement in my ministry; and deep humiliation
must precede both." I cried for power to redou¬
ble prayer. I was afterward much tempted, but
in prayer I saw how perfect a sacrifice Christ had
paid to the Father for all my sins! I at this mo¬
ment exult in the thought:
"Fully absolved through this I am,
From fear and sin, from guilt and shame."
August 16.—All this last fortnight has been
a time of great trial to me; I think as deep as in
the last year. Every hour presented some part
of the awful scene. A few days before the anni¬
versary of my dear love's death, I waked one
morning out of a dream, in some measure spirit¬
ual, but could recollect little of it. I was think¬
ing, Will the Lord indulge me on that day with
such a communion with my dear love as he did
on the last fourteenth of August? These words
were then applied to my mind:
"Be in all alike resigned:
Jesus' was a patient mind."
From which I thought I would not look for it: I
saw the leading of the Spirit at this time was
quiet resignation. In that posture, therefore, I
have held my soul before him; and on that day I
did not find any such communion as on the former
anniversary.
December 8.—rSally being ill with a bad cough,
which that morning seemed worse, her head also
much affected, and some fever, I asked of the
Lord, in submission, her restoration. She scarcely
coughed afterward! Her head was no more af-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
335
fected, and she found herself, from that time,
quite well! This particular answer to prayer
raised much thankfulness in my heart. 0, Lord
Jesus, I ask, in thy name, to he made the temple
of God through the Spirit! 0 Lord, in Jesus'
name I ask, do all thy will!
December 10.—For two days various texts have
dwelt on my mind relating to suffering; and, yes¬
terday, an observation which Mr. Home made in
his sermon was blessed to me, viz., that those
virtues were most valuable that most prepared us
for suffering, because by that we were most con¬
formable to our suffering Head. I know not the
cause, but my spirit has all day been much de¬
pressed. I am very poorly in body; and the
sense of my separation from my precious' love
seems to enter as iron into my soul. But, blessed
be the Lord, it does not prevent me from follow¬
ing the order of my God.
December 17.—These words were given me,
with some power, "With the Lord is plenteous
redemption, and he shall save Israel from all his
sins." I have found some answers to prayer this
week, and my soul is thirsting and waiting for the
fulfilment of this promise. Lord, show me how
I may be most perfectly pleasing unto thee! De¬
sire increases in my soul; yet there is a want un-
supplied. I long to know how to get into a full
and close communion.
It seems to me since prayer this afternoon, that
there is but this one way, a looking continually
unto Jesus, as the Israelites to the brazen serpent.
January 10, 1788.—And do I see the begin-
336 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
ning of another year! I can still set to my seal,
the Lord hears and answers prayer. 0 that this
year may all be devoted to thee, my adorable
Head!
January 17.—I was blessed last night in what
Mr. Horne said of his former experience, that
"he took those words, 'Pray without ceasing/ in
a literal sense, and strove every moment to be in
the real act of prayer. Soon after, he was brought
into so spiritual a frame that wherever he went he
carried such a sense of the awful presence of God
as cannot be expressed." 0 my Saviour, I want
more of this! My soul has been kept this day
going out after God; but I want a fulness which
I cannot think but it is the will of God to give.
These words are much on my mind, "Let patience
have her perfect work." And, "After ye have
suffered awhile, he will strengthen, stablish, settle
you." I have strangely seen the hand of God in
all things! Every thing tells me "the hairs of
my head are all numbered." Yet I cannot rest
till I can more fully glorify my God. Lord, in¬
crease my faith!
January 29.—My way is the way of heaviness.
There is a weight of sorrow lies on my spirit: I
cannot account for it. Others have much joy: I
have but little. My dear husband used to express
the same thing; but 0! I did not then understand
him. Had I but now the advantage of his dear
company, how different a use could I make of it!
Then I had him to flee to in every trouble, and
"cares by dividing were hushed into peace."
Now I remember he used to say, "What others
LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER. 337
were satisfied with, he was not." And really so
it is; for I am sure I have more of God than I
had then. And yet I was then quite satisfied
very often; and had I kept the presence of God,
as I do now, I should have called it walking in
constant peace. But 0, I want a clear passage
into the heart of my Beloved! I think I can
truly say, "I wrestle not with flesh and blood," I
feel no temptation to any sin, but I am fiercely
attacked with weights of sorrow, and thoughts
that, like barbed arrows, tear my heart.
This day I have covenanted afresh with the
Lord, to try what a total abandonment will do.
From this day, (four o'clock in the afternoon,
January 29,) I abandon myself without reserve,
delivering up myself into the hands of God-, to
the end that he may execute on me his whole
will, whether in the way of justice or mercy. I
will embrace all sufferings of every kind; though
I should see that they are the consequences of my
former sins, or present follies. Yea, I am thine,
my Jesus, save me! If thou wilt not save me, I
am lost for ever! But I will singly trust in Jesus!
I will turn to no other for help. I have long tried
what creatures could do, but all in vain. Now I
will renounce all reasonings—all reflections on my
state; and only fix the eye of my soul on Jesus,
always content with what thou givest me, Lord,
though it sh&uld only be a bare remembrance of
thy presence, and an alacrity to meet thy will;
and this thou dost give. The strongest desire of
my soul is, that thy will may be done in me.
I was blessed to-day by an observation in a
29
338
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
spiritual writer, "Not to come out of abandon¬
ment, in the extreme pains through which we
pass, is something; but the not coming out of
repose in this abandonment, whatever trials we
may pass through in all the rough paths where we
may tread—this it is which is very precious in
the sight of God."* Again she observes, "Like
as he who is in a ship moves not himself, but
leaves himself to be moved by the motion of the
ship in which he is; so the heart which is em¬
barked in the Divine good pleasure ought not to
have any will of its own, but leave itself to be car¬
ried by the will of God."
February 12.—This morning, in my hour of
prayer, I had some sweet glimpses of the all-suffi¬
ciency of Christ. He bore the whole weight of
my sins before I had committed one; yea, before
I was in being he made a full, perfect, and suffi¬
cient sacrifice, oblation, and satisfaction, "for the
sins of the whole world." Again, I had a feeling
sense of these words, "He is made of God unto
us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification,
and redemption." I was led much to cry for a
strong and powerful faith, and for deep humility.
I find, on reflection, I love to be abased, yea, I
* This high attainment in the Divine life may not be easily un¬
derstood, as expressed by this "spiritual writer." The inspired
writers express it with the utmost plainness and simplicity. It is
indeed the being saved from all self-will, and, in consequence, the
resting every moment in the will of God. It is thus only we can
"rejoice evermore, and in every thing give thanks." The faith by
which we are thus saved can only be sustained by " praying without
ceasing;" as Kempis finely expresses it, "To thee is my heart with¬
out a voice, and my silence speaketh unto thee!" Such is the vic¬
tory given by " Christ dwelling in the heart by faith." Ephesians
iii. 17.—Ed.
LIES OF MRS. FLETCHER. 339
embrace contempt as with open arms; but I do
not properly acquiesce wben tbe trial presents it¬
self. I rather start back,* and only embrace it in
the second thought. Therefore, I am not so sunk
into Christ as to be fully a new creature. Lord,
grant me this, and I shall have an incontestable
evidence of what thou hast done!
February 28, Thursday.—On Tuesday night, as
one was saying, " I do not desire to look on my¬
self at all, I only want to look at Jesus Christ, for
when I look on myself I reason"—I felt it come
with power to my heart, and ever since I have
felt a further lift in faith.
April 3.—Last Friday, Mr. "Wesley came. It
was a time of hurry, but also of profit above any
time I ever had with him before. I could not
but discern a great change. His soul seems far
more sunk into Gfod, and such an unction attends
his word, that each sermon was indeed spirit and
life. In preaching on the Trinity, he observed it
was our duty to believe according to the word of
God; but we were not called to comprehend : that
was impossible. Bring me, said he, a worm*that
can comprehend a man, and I will show you a
man that can comprehend God. He observed,
that if three candles were burning in a room, the
light was but one.*}"
* We ought to feel a repugnance, yea, "an abhorrence to that
which is evil." But this should be attended with resignation to the
Lord. In this abhorrence, and in this resignation, "the mind of
Christ" principally consists, and they were constantly manifest in
the whole of his blessed life and conduct!—Ed.
f 0 that men were satisfied thus to believe, and wait upon the
high and lofty One, that they might comprehend, in its glorious
effects, the doctrine of the sacred Three.—Ed.
340 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
Many answers to prayer I found during the
season they were here; and though my body
is now too weak for any hurry, yet all was or¬
dered well, and we were carried through with
tolerable ease, and every opportunity was blessed
to my soul.
Yesterday I heard that dear Mr. Charles Wes¬
ley died on Saturday last! 0, how often have
we, in years that are past, taken sweet counsel
together! It has left a deep solemnity on my
spirit.
April 11.—Last night I felt a peculiar liberty
in prayer, in begging for mercy in behalf of my
friends in Switzerland. It seems to me it will be
answered through my nephew. He grows in
grace, and at some seasons appears to enjoy very
deep communion with God. 0, how shall I
praise the Lord for his great goodness and abun¬
dant faithfulness to his poor creature !
May 2.—I often wish I had more time to
attend to my diary: such wonderful answers to
prayer are given to me as ought to be recorded,
" Why should the wonders he hath wrought
Be lost in darkness and forgot 1"
May 15, Monday.—It is amazing how the Lord
answers prayer. I have written letters (I may
say in faith) about this preaching-house, and have
met with success beyond all expectation. If we
can but get the ground, all will be well. I do
think the whole hundred will be made up before
we strike one stroke. On Saturday evening, con¬
sidering these words, " Nothing shall be impos-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 341
sible to you," I acted faith on the Lord for spirit¬
ual blessings—for that fulness I long for. I
prayed that I might have the next day a better
Sabbath than common, and so it was. In the
morning meeting, I found a further degree of
resignation, and entire confidence in Jesus; and
in that spirit I passed the day, during which I
had to encounter such a variety of encumbrances
and trials as were quite uncommon. This en¬
couraged me much. Both Mr. Home's sermons
were blessed to me, and the noon meeting was
attended with an extraordinary power. I find it
best to carry every thing to Jesus, and draw all
from him, determined to believe that he who hath
undertaken my cause will not leave his'work im¬
perfect.
June 11.—For some days I have had a clearer
sight of the perfect Saviour than ever in my life be¬
fore ! I was much blessed in considering the type of
the brazen serpent. The following observations, as
I read them in a book which fell into my hands,
made a deep impression on my mind. First, " It
may seem strange that a serpent should be an
emblem of the amiable and dovelike Redeemer;
but Moses's serpent was void of poison, and had
no sting, but was only in the form of a serpent.
So ' God sent his own Son in the likeness of sin¬
ful flesh,' but an utter stranger to the venom of
sin. Again, it was a method of cure solely con¬
stituted and appointed of God. Who could have
thought that looking at a dead serpent, and of
brass, could have cured the bite of a living one !
Especially if it be true, what some affirm, that
29*
342 LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER.
the sight of burnished brass is naturally perni¬
cious to those who are bitten of serpents; and
that to look on the shape of any venomous crea¬
ture increases the torment of the unhappy suffer¬
ers who are bitten by them. So the method of
our recovery by the cross of Christ is a device
which claims God himself for its Divine author;
and thus the whole method of gospel salvation is,
1 to them who perish, foolishness; but to those who
believe, it is the wisdom of God, and the power
of God.' Secondly, It was a method of cure that
never failed; being no less sure than strange.
Not an Israelite died, as Moses assures us, who
looked at the brazen serpent; and who were ever
confounded that trusted in Christ ? Thirdly, It
was a. method of cure easily put in practice by an
Israelite. If he received his wound in a remote
part of the camp, and was too ill to draw near,
yet if he turned his eye and looked at the serpent
lifted up for him, it was enough—he was healed!
Fourthly, It was a remedy that might be repeated
as often as there was occasion for it. So ' Christ
is the propitiation for our sins,' to whom we may
warrantably have recourse as often as we are
wounded, and in every time of need. Fifthly, It
was a remedy that proved effectual, though the
sight of the wounded person was ever so weak.
So weak faith is saving in its degree, as well as
strong, because the object is the same." I had
such a clear view how all our wants were supplied
by Jesus as I cannot express. Yes, he has
atoned for all our sins : he has " reconciled us to
God while we were yet enemies I" But we must
IilFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 343
look to and trust in him alone; and we may look
every moment. The following day, Sunday, as
also Monday and Tuesday, I had much outward
exercise, but was carried through all as in the
arms of the Almighty.
July 16.—I was this day led to consider the
advantage of living longer, if the Lord should
not take me at the time sister Ryan's dream
seemed to point out, viz., the beginning of next
year. This subject I set myself to consider, lest
any murmuring thought should present itself in
the disappointment. First, If I should live, it
must be the will of God, and is not his will dear
to me ? It is true, I may have much more to
suffer, but is not that suffering the will of God ?
Perhaps I can serve God's children, both their
souls and bodies; and did not my Lord absent
himself from the joys of heaven to become a man
of sorrows for me ? Nor is it to be despised if
I can thus help my Lord's people by my income.
Mr. Baxter says, i( Do good to men's bodies, if
you would do good to their souls. Say not, things
corporeal are worthless trifles, for which the re¬
ceivers will be never the better. They are things
which nature is easily sensible of; and sense is
the passage to the mind and will. Dost thou not
find what a help it is to thyself to have at any time
ease, or alacrity of body; and what a burden and
hindrance pains and cares are ? Labor then to
free others from such burdens and temptations,
and be not regardless of them." Indeed, I see
it a great honor if I am permitted to sweep the
dust from under the feet of the saints. Again,
344 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
I believe there is a mansion appointed for each, a
state and employment for which we are to be
fitted. It does not appear I am fitted for the,
lowest mansion there; but then I know my Jesus
can do the work of a thousand years in one day,
and I know I may, as my righteousness, claim the
Lord my Saviour.
August 5.—Last night I had a powerful sense,
in my sleep, of the presence of my dear husband.
I felt such sweet communion with his spirit as
gave me much peaceful feeling. I had for some
days thought that I was called to resist, more
than I did, that strong and lively remembrance
of various scenes, both of his last sickness and
many other circumstances, which frequently oc¬
curred with much pain. This thought being
present to my mind, I looked on him. He said,
with a most sweet smile, " It is better to forget/'
" What," said I, " my dear love, to forget one
another ?" He replied, with an inexpressible
sweetness, " It is better to forget: it will not be
long: we shall not be parted long : we shall soon
meet again." He then signified, though not in
words, that all weights should be laid aside. His
presence continued till I awoke.
August 15.—Last night was the anniversary
of my dear husband's death. Three years I have
now passed in solemn, awful widowhood; but,
glory be to my God ! I have found it three years
of prayer. Never did I know three years of such
suffering, and never did I know three years of
such prayer. Sometimes I have sweet glimpses
of the millennial state brought into my soul. At
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 345
others my way seems thorny, and as if I walked
wholly by faith, as in the dream of the little star.*
Yet I am conscious of a great change; but I want
a more abundant evidence that not only many,
but " all things are become new." It seemed as
if my dear husband remembered the season, for
I had a most particular dream. I thought the
side of his tomb was opened, (I mean the wall on
which the iron plate lies,) and I saw him lying
under it, while I lay at his side. We remained
so a considerable time, and I felt that sweet, tran¬
quil composure that I always do when he seems
sensibly present. He then said, with a sweetness
which I cannot describe, " Put thy arm over me
and feel what companions I have : they must be
thy companions too." I put my arms, and felt
bones and broken coffins, at which nature seemed
to shrink, but I did not speak. He tenderly
answered to my thought, u Thou wilt lay thy head
upon me." I felt some regret at the thought of
his being there. He again answered to mj
thought, " I entered this habitation with great
comfort and satisfaction." Then I thought two
gentlemen came up, and stood by the tomb, and
said one to the other, " It is a pity Mr. Fletcher
was laid here : it would have been better to have
carried him to Mr. Ireland's vault." My dear
love looked on them and answered, 11 There was
no need of that. We count it our privilege to be
laid together, and we ought to count it our privi¬
lege both to rise from one spot."
See page 144.
346 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
August 28.—All this week my soul has been
drawn out after that promise, "He shall baptize
you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire." In¬
deed, it is a narrow way. I seem fighting with
principalities and powers; hut, blessed be God, I
do not seem ever to he fighting with sin. Yet I
am not at rest: I am not entered into perfect rest.
I can say, " I wrestle not now, but trample on
sin;" but I want what I have not, and which I
firmly believe I shall have. Yet, when I think
death is near, I seem almost impatient for that
fulness, that I may begin to live to my God in the
full sense.
January 1, 1789.—I feel my soul affected much
at the thought of seeing the beginning of another
year. Perhaps this will he the last with me.
May Hive each moment as if I were sure it would
he so! Lord, be with us in renewing our cove¬
nant this night! I have for some time been
praying for an enlightened understanding in Di¬
vine things; and light has reflected more clearly
on the wonderful work of redemption. These
words are sweet to me, " In the Lord I have
righteousness and strength !" The account I have
received of my dear Mrs. Caley's death is precious.
She was not in high rapture, but in profound
tranquillity and peace. Such has been her life,
and such her death. Lord, let me follow her as
she has followed thee !* Nurse Peters has also
* Mrs. Caley, well known in that day in London, was a woman
Of the most devoted spirit, and of the most elegant and polished
manners. She drank deeply of the cup of affliction, but rejoiced
evermore in the will of Him who gave it to her. Mr. Wesley
preached her funeral sermon, in London, from Philippians iv. 8,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 347
reached the goal. dory he to thee, my dear
Lord, that I had the honor of sending her that
one guinea, and to have her last message—that
" it helped her to praise thee more abundantly/'
0 how many dear friends have I on the other side
the river! And I too am on the wing, only I
wait a little till the Lord renew my spiritual
strength—
" Till of my Eden repossessed,
From self and sin I cease."
January 7.—I have been reading over some of
my old diary, and found it much blessed to me.
It brought to my mind many past scenes, which
increased faith and thankfulness: also, it cast a
clearer light on my present state. Comparing
my present state with that I felt at Hoxton, I can
truly say, now I not only feel all the purity, all
the spiritual-mindedness, and all the resignation
1 did then, but in many things I prefer my pre¬
sent dispensation to that. Yet my soul is not
satisfied, for I see a far greater salvation before
" Finally, brethren, -whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things
are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report:
if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think oh these
things." He declared that he never knew one who thought more
upon this divine assemblage of graces, or with more success.
Speaking of her loving and unwearied efforts to win souls for God,
he quoted that line of Prior,
" Manna was on her tongue, and witchcraft in her eyes."
Nurse Peters was also well known in London. She was a plain,
good woman of admirable sense, and deep experience in religion.
It is with great pleasure that I embrace this opportunity of em¬
balming the memory of those excellent women, by uniting them to
that of their admirable friend.—Ed.
348 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
me. In short, it is not the gift, but the full
possession of the Giver, my spirit longs for.
March 6.—Last Sunday, as I went to the
Lord's table, I renewed my covenant, determining
to consider Jesus more immediately as the hus¬
band to whom I am joined in every sense of the
word: as he who hath undertaken all for me.
Since that time I have more particularly found
my soul abiding in his presence, and he every
moment carrying on the work of purification.
The great promise of my life, on which he hath
made me to hope, is that given me when eighteen,
" Thou shalt walk with me in white," and re¬
peated in these words, " Thou shalt walk with me
in white : I will make thee worthy." The pos¬
ture of my soul is that of a poor beggar before
the Lord, holding before him that petition,
" Lord, accomplish to me the word on which thou
hast made me to hope !"
Wednesday, March 24.—Yesterday dear Mr.
Wesley left us in apparent good health. What a
miracle is he! Eighty-six years old, and thus
supported! He is going directly to Ireland, and
thinks to visit every society there this summer.
The Lord preserve him, and accomplish all his
will upon him ! As he was speaking on Monday,
on these words, "God has not given to us the
spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a
sound mind," what an unction attended the
word! O may we never, never rest till fully
restored to that perfect soundness he described!
April 11.—This Lent I have found a deep
sense of the sufferings of my Lord. Yesterday,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
349
being Good Friday, we had a solemn meeting at
night, but I did not find quite as much life in
speaking as at some times. The men (many of
them with families) who are come to work at the
navigation lay much on my mind. We ought to
do something for their souls. Lord, open the
way! 0 let them not go without some light at
least!
April 27.—My soul is all upon a stretch for
God. Last night and this morning, as I was
repeating in prayer, Thy will be done! my words
were lost. I felt the desire of his adorable will
being done so strongly, that I was forced for some
time only to groan. I am continually led to offer
up my free will to God. I long to be as mere
clay before him. I plead that word on which he
hath made me to hope, " Thou shalt walk with me
in white: I will make thee worthy." Yet my
faith hath a strange drawback: something would
suggest that it only meant in eternity, and that I
should never glorify him here as I longed to do.
Were I to die immediately, this would not be so
great a trial; but my health is now much better.
I thought I saw the port, but I seem put back
again; and perhaps I may live some years. And
must I always live at this poor rate ? My very
heart and soul seem to groan for a closer com¬
munion with my God! At some moments (I
think every day) I feel as it were a sweet rest: I
seem centred in Jesus. But in a few minutes it
draws in again, and then I seem to be always
believing and longing, but yet without any imme¬
diate answer. It is true, faith does not fail: it is
30
350 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
in constant exercise, and often seems to hope
against hope. But all this I would not mind.
Though Naaman was made whole in seven dips,
I would not mind if the Lord made me dip
seventy times seven. But my grief lies here: I
am condemned, often once or twice a day, for
some word, or thought, or action—chiefly in
words. Indeed, the condemnation does -not seem
to be from the Lord, as if it would come between
my soul and him. But I see I have spoken
unadvisedly with my lips, and I cannot bear the
horror of the view. There are some persons with
whom I have much business to transact, who do
not see alike, or cordially love one another. In
some things both are right, in others both are
Wrong. I have this connection at present two
ways, personally and by correspondence, and I
find it a hard thing to bear my testimony against
that which is wrong, and to approve that which
is right in both, and yet neither to "write nor speak
but exactly so far as truth and love require. 0
that I may from this day see, as in letters of
blood, before my eyes continually those words of
the apostle, "He that offendeth not in tongue,
the same is a perfect man, able also to bridle the
whole body." Ah, Lord! how far am I yet from
this perfection!
April 29.—I had some liberty in prayer three
times to-day, the most in the three o'clock hour in
the room. I was praying for a clear discovery
of the grace or state I might ask for and expect.
It came before me as a representation of Christ
as the vine, and of my soul as being a branch
LITE OT MRS. FLETCHER. 851
engrafted therein. Then I saw clearly that every
believer was a branch in him, in part united; but
when the branch is perfectly united, it is abso¬
lutely a part of the vine. The sap runs freely
through every part, it is completely of one nature
with it. Then the mind is in us which was also
in Christ. We live no longer, but Christ liveth
in us, and are preserved from moment to moment
by faith. Now, if any knot or impediment were
in any of 4he branches, it would hinder the free
circulation of the pure sap through it, and that
branch would wither, and in a degree be barren.
Hence I saw sanctification in a clearer light than
ever. It is to be perfectly engrafted into the
vine: to have no impediment remaining to hinder
the flow of the sap; and while the soul thus
abides by faith, it brings forth much fruit, and
experimentally knows the meaning of those words
of St. John, He that abideth in him sinneth not.
April 30.—My soul hath been led to-day to look
at the wondrous love of the Father! " He spared
not his own Son: he so loved the world as to lay
on him the iniquity of us all;" and "shall he not
with him freely give us all things?"
June 4.—Satan is striving hard to draw my
mind back, but I have found this day a liberty to
commit my whole cause into the hands of God.
I feel a strong encouragement from these words,
"Every one that asketh receiveth." I ask in
Jesus' name to be made a holy soul! 0 that all
this day I may be kept and directed by the Lord,
and walk as in his immediate presence. 0 for
that mind that was in thee!
352 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
June 26.—Various providences of late have
more and more convinced me of the need of a
further change. I have it at times; but some¬
thing arises that seems selfish; and again, like
anger for a moment, which, though never abiding,
clearly convinces me I have not yet entered fully
into rest. I long to be all devoted to my Lord,
and to bring glory to him by every power.
July 6.—At the class, as I was saying, it was
not any peculiar or sudden comforts that so tended
to the soul's sanctification, as a constant aban¬
donment and resignation of the whole soul, with
every concern, into the hand of Jesus, I felt in
a moment such an insight into the love, faithful¬
ness, and wisdom of Christ, as I cannot describe.
0 the security I saw in abandoning my soul to
him! It was for a minute glorious indeed. I
kept looking, but it drew back, as if a curtain was
for a moment drawn up, discovering some glorious
scene, and then gradually let down again. But
it has left an increase of confidence. 0 could I
always feel what I felt just then, it seems to me
it would be a real heaven, and banish all sensibil¬
ity of fear and suffering. It was what I .never
felt before in that degree.
July 15.—I had some liberty in prayer this
morning, as also at the ten o'clock hour. I found
a blessing also in reading Mr. "VVhitefield's account
of the dealings of God with his soul, written on
board the ship in his way to Philadelphia. He
prayed for the humility of Jesus; and observes,
"From my first awakening to the Divine life, I
felt a particular hungering and thirsting after the
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 353
humility of Jesus Christ. Night and day I prayed
to be a partaker of that grace, imagining that the
habit of humility would be instantaneously infused
into my soul. But as Gideon taught the men of
Succoth with thorns, so God taught me humility
by the exercise of strong temptation." I was
thus led to consider the point; and though I
clearly discerned the same workings of Providence
over myself, how often have I been led to pray
more for humility than for any other grace, be¬
cause by nature it is the virtue I am most con¬
trary to; but in my deep affliction I now discern
this was the Lord's way. There have been many
seasons in which, through pride, imprudence, and
sin of various kinds, I have brought great humil¬
iations on myself; and even where they are caused
by our own sin, if they are borne with subjection
of spirit to the corrections of God, they work in
the end for the salvation of the soul. But at the
season I refer to, that of the death of my dear
husband, although it really seemed I spoke and
acted in an upright spirit, and am now conscious
how tender my heart was with the fear of offend¬
ing, yet I said and did many, very many, unwise
things which tended to lessen me greatly in the
eyes of others. 0 how needful for me to lie still
in the hand of God, making it my only business
to accept of every thing as from the Lord's hand,
hanging on that word by faith, "Thou shalt walk
with me in white!" I am convinced that the
most profitable of all humiliations are those that
arise, through his grace, from a view of our own
blunders, and evefa from our corruptions.
30*
354 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
September 14.—I have been much drawn to
pray that the great design of the Lord's coming
may be answered, "that he may destroy the
works of the devil." I see, through his grace,
my understanding is darkened. I ask in Jesus'
name this work to be destroyed; for by the know¬
ledge of Christ alone can I be changed into his
likeness. I see Satan raises false fears, false
views, and wandering imaginations: I ask deliv¬
erance from all these !* My soul lies before the
Lord in a waiting posture: in particular, I ask
power to consecrate the faculty of« speech to the
service of my God, so that I may never again
speak an unadvised word.
September 15.—Last Saturday (September 12)
I was fifty years old. 0 my God, how little have
I gained of thee in fifty years! Lord, let this be
a jubilee year to me! I will try what prayer can
do. Lord, give me a measure of that spirit in
which thou didst spend whole nights in prayer!
Never was I more stripped, more empty! I have
no dependence but on thyself. I long for close
communion. My soul pants after it. I have won¬
derful answers to prayer! And I feel that my
humiliations do me good. Yet I do not embrace
them as I ought to do. It is perhaps a minute
before I rightly enter into the gracious design.
When I look to the Lord, all is right; but I want
* It is not clear that those great and precious promises, by which
we are made partakers of the Divine nature, secure to believers such
a deliverance from these attacks, that they should not trouble them,
and at times even agonize the soul. But they secure to them such
an abiding in Christ, that none of those devices should prevail to
unsettle their faith, or separate them from his love.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 855
such an habitual look as shall enable me to receive
them as a hungry man does his food! Not only
to take up, but to gloty in the cross of the Lord
Jesus. I seem to walk much more by faith than
by sight. My soul seems to go out in desire and
silent prayer. I am mostly in the act of crying,
Come! But there seems silence on the side of
the Lord! He does not answer by sweet com¬
forts, only by power over sin, purity of mind in a
good degree, and an almost constant act of sacri¬
fice.* I love his will, bitter or sweet, but I want
him, as the bride in the Canticles, "to kiss me
with the kisses of- his mouth, for his love is better
than wine."
September 16.—This morning, at the ten o'clock
hour, I had freedom in praying for an entire
change. I thought, My situation, as to outward
things, is the most advantageous to a religious
life that can be. I have no cares; indeed, I have
no need of care. I have plenty of all I can want.
Sally, though a tender child, is one of much abil¬
ity; laying herself out to serve and please me in
all things. Matty, my other servant, of a most
quiet and peaceable spirit, and rigidly honest and
faithful. Blessed be God, her soul also comes
forward in the Divine life. Reflecting on this, I
drew from it the following encouragement: If I
* And was there no Divine comfort in all these glorious marks
and fruits of the new creation? There was; comfort high as hea¬
ven, and which hell' can never imitate! Far superior even to those
sweet consolations which are so graciously bestowed on young con¬
verts, and which some sincere souls so greatly need throughout the
whole of their pilgrimage—the lambs that he carries in his bosom.
—Ed.
356 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
am thus favored, is it not plain the Lord designs
me to be one of those who are brought into close
fellowship with himself? May I not attain to a
fuller salvation than when involved in all my per¬
plexities? My heart was encouraged. I thought
on these words, "Men ought always to pray, and
not to faint." Again, "I am come that they may
have life, and that they might have it more abun-1
dantly." My soul longs for this more abundant
life. Lord, pour out on me thy light and truth,,
and make me, in a complete sense of the word, a
new creature! I was led to think of the familiar
manner in which our Lord conversed with the
women and his disciples after his resurrection.
He met them and said, "All hail!" (i. e., happi¬
ness attend you,) and bid them "tell his brethren
he would see them in Galilee"—probably on
Mount Tabor, where his glorious transfiguration
was manifested before them; and where they
heard the voice of God, declaring him "the be¬
loved Son whom they were to hear." They were
also commanded to "tell the vision to no man,
till the Son of man should be risen from the dead."
The thought struck my mind, Perhaps in this
very assembly they were first to tell it! All this
encouraged me greatly.
October 5, Monday.—This has been a day of
recollection and prayer, glory be to God! I have
had some views of the great designs of God on
his "redeemed; how, through the Son, he will form
his own bright and glorious image in us. "We
are appointed to be conformed to the image of
the Son, and is he not the express image of the
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 357
Father ? A little glimpse of what the Saviour
is and will be to me, now and then for some time
beamed forth, and set my soul in a longing pos¬
ture. Yet it is but like seeing through the lat¬
tice. I long to know whether what I see before
me, and grasp after, may be attained in this life,
or must I die to prove it ? 0 my Divine Director,
my Prophet, speak and tell me! This is all that
keeps me back, not knowing what I may ask,
having been so great a sinner. Something says,
I shall not fully enter into the good land here.*
To-day I was reading those words, " In the last
day, Jesus will present himself as judge, to an¬
gels, men, and devils." I asked myself, Do I em¬
brace with all my soul Jesus as my judge? My
heart sprang at the thought! Yes, my adorable
Judge! I choose thee with all my powers : I
acquiesce beforehand in thy sentence, be it what
it will; yea, and in all thou shalt appoint from
this moment to that time! Many times to-day
these words have been my food, " The Lord God
Omnipotent reigneth I"
October 6.—I was ill most of last night, but
was recollected, and had a sense of undeserved
mercies. Reflecting to-day on that point which
hath so often hindered me, viz., Some say, when
we have sinned we should wait for a fresh par¬
don, a fresh sense of it, before we believe, I
prayed for light, how to walk in my present state;
* Certainly not the good land of perfect enjoyment; but "the
good land of perfect love," inducing perfect submission, and
prompt obedience, we may enter into this day. Seo Mr. Wesley's
sermon, entitled, " The Scripture Way of Salvation."—En.
358 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
and the following reflection arose in my mind:
I feel my will is turned to the Lord. He who
knows all things, knows I long, I pant, to love
him perfectly, and to live every moment to his
praise, with the full exertion of my powers. But
sometimes, when I am waiting before God, it is
suggested, I have indulged in the last meal, or I
have spoken unadvisedly at such a time. These
things have kept me in bondage long. But to¬
day, I clearly see my one business is to maintain
faith. How is it that the soul is ever received
after any fall ? Is it not at last by believing
Christ hath atoned for that sin ? Now I feel I
could, on the recollection of any stumble, imme¬
diately fly to and weep on the bosom of my Lord.
But that thought has presented itself, Am I not
an Antinomian ? But I will no more take man,
but the word of God, for my director. What
were my Lord's words to Peter? "I have
prayed for thee that thy faith fail not." So then
this faith ought not to fail, though he denied his
Lord with oaths and curses ! And what a word
was that, when his Lord, foretelling his fall, ad¬
ded, "And when thou art converted, strengthen
thy brethren." What tenderness was shown
unto him ! He wept bitterly, but he still claimed
his interest in his Saviour, for he ran to the tomb
to seek him. And how did our Lord wipe away
his tears ! He was seen of him before any of the
eleven. 1 Cor. xv. 5. He was the first preacher
at Pentecost—the first messenger to the Gen¬
tiles. An angel must wait on him to bring him
out of prison) and at last, he received the crown
LIFE or MRS. FLETCHER.
359
of martyrdom. Did not Christ on the cross fore¬
see and die for all my sins before I had a being ?
Did he not pay the price for all ? But it is only
mine by believing. Then if I always believe,
does not that word belong to me, " There is no
condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus,
who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit?"*
It is true, if the will and affections draw back,
the soul will find it hard so to believe as to re¬
turn to the former fellowship. And yet there is
no way for them but by believing. The case I
mean is-—I see it my privilege to live always under
the atonement; and though I do wrong, and fall
short continually, yet I may and must run di¬
rectly to my God, just as I did with my husband.
If he said, Polly, thou shouldst not have said or
done so, I asked his forgiveness, and had no fear
of his loving me the less. Nay, usually I found
more tenderness when I acknowledged my fault,
than before I fell into it. That word also came
to my mind, "Blessed is the man to whom the
Lord will not impute sin." And again, " If thou
canst believe, all things are possible. He that
believeth is justified from all things."
October 31.—These words have made a great
impression on my mind of late : when one of the
Scribes asked our Lord, " What he should do to
inherit eternal life ?" he replied, " What read-
est thou in the law?" The Scribe answered,
" Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy
heart, and mind, and soul, and strength; and thy
* See the note on tho 324th page.—En.
360
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
neighbor as thyself." Our Lord replied, "Thou
hast well said : this do, and thou shalt live."
I discerned a fulness in this passage which I never
did before, and all my soul cried for the posses¬
sion of that spirit of love to which this absolute
promise of life is made. Many times I have ob¬
served, in prayer, or at some peculiar seasons in
other means, such a spirit of purity, humility,
and love, has overwhelmed my soul, as is hardly
to be expressed. At other times the Divine
glory appeared hut dim. I saw at once the
cause. At the former times the soul turned
from every intervening object, and sunk into her
proper place, discerning the immense distance
between a holy God and sinful self. Then she
begins to shine in his brightness. Her light is
come, because the glory of the Lord is risen upon
her. But if she rises out of her deep absorb-
ment, and lets in self-esteem, what wonder if she
then reflects the odious image of sin, instead of
the beauty of the Lord Jesus ? I perceived, also,
that there is a great difference between humble
thoughts and despairing thoughts. Humble
thoughts, though they may cause much pain by
the horror and detestation which they cause the
soul to feel, yet they exalt the Saviour, and make
the soul admire the justice as well as the mercy
of God. But despairing thoughts, injected by
the devil, drive the soul from God, and represent
him as " a hard master, gathering where he hath
not strowed." The faithful soul will find many
such attacks; therefore the safest way is con¬
tinually to give up herself to the Lord, crying,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
361
Thy will he done ! That is a weapon Satan can¬
not stand against.
November 12.—This day being the day of our
marriage, many painful remembrances would
present themselves to my mind. Each year I
wrote, "We are happier and happier!" But I
feel great thankfulness that I have such an offer¬
ing to bring to Him who gave up all for me!
Yes, I praise thee, my Lord, that thou hast done
thine own will, and not mine. At ten I took my
hour before the Lord, and felt some power afresh
to dedicate myself to Jesus—entering into a mar¬
riage covenant with him. A light shone on my
soul to discern how the husband hath undertaken
the whole cause of the wife, and I saw both body
and soul safe in his hands. I then entreated my
adorable Husband to take all the freedom of my
will into his own hand; and as we say to the
surgeon, bind me, (for an operation,) so I en¬
treated my Lord to conform me to himself in any
way that he pleased; only that he should be glo¬
rified. A thought again presented itself, What
if, in eternity, it be his will that I should neither
know nor have any communion with my dear
husband ? I was enabled to answer, Lord, thy
glory is all in all to me! I felt that he should
choose for me; and I was enabled to give up
soul, body, life, death, time, and eternity to him,
and covenanted to live on his will alone! And
henceforward I will consider this day as my wed¬
ding-day with the Lord, holding my dear hus¬
band in him, whose soul I know will have joy in
heaven upon every nearer approach which I
31
362 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
make to his Saviour and my Saviour! his all and
my all!
November 14.—After I had spent some time
in prayer this morning, I felt an increasing free¬
dom in imploring that the whole mind of Christ
might he brought into my soul. Those words
are much in my thoughts, " Be ye not afraid,
neither doubt, for God is your guide." 2 Esdras
xvi. 75. Lord, increase my confidence! I saw
how impossible it was to have union where there
was not similitude; and my cry was, Fulfil that
word, 0 Lord, on which thou hast made me to
hope ! Make me clean through thy word ! and
present me to thyself without spot ! Afterward,
reading the Life of Ignatius Loyola, and especially
what pains he took and what labor he went
through to gain souls, I could not but be struck
at the glaring difference between him and me.
One day, having taken a step he believed to be
his duty, but which caused him both pain and
ignominy, and being rebuked by a friend, he
replied, "I should not object to traverse all the
streets of Paris barefoot, with horns on my head,
and clothed in the most ridiculous habit, could
it but gain one soul to God."* The conviction
immediately struck me, that all I wanted was to
be filled with the love of God, and that would
produce every effect in its proper order. Lord,
let my incessant cry be for this ! 0 give me this
most excellent gift of charity !
* Pious Protestants well know how to appreciate this. True
piety is of no sect: it is truly catholic.—Ed.
LIFE OF MES. FLETCHEE.
363
January 7, 1790.—And now another year is
gone, and I am so much nearer eternity ! Yes,
rny faithful Saviour I I will rejoice in the thought,
because thou art faithful, and I do believe for the
fulfilment of all thy promises : they are yea and.
amen in thee, on whom I rely. I believe I shall
walk with thee in white ! 0 carry on thy work !
I long to be just what my God pleases.
In the last month I have had a peculiar expe¬
rience. I was often tempted to think that the
deadness I felt to all earthly things might be pro¬
duced by my great affliction on account of my
dear husband's death, and I was sometimes
damped by that thought in my ardor of praise.
But a few weeks ago, I was permitted to feel
all the temptations I ever felt, except resent¬
ment, and I was conscious I could fall into the
same desires of comfort on earth from which I
had been so long delivered. My soul was grieved
exceedingly; yet strange, I seemed nearer to God
than before ! I was amazed; but these words
came to my mind, " Know that from Jesus alone
is your salvation." I cried to the Lord that he
would graciously prove it by removing the temp¬
tation, and so it proved. Glory be to my com¬
plete Saviour! it is now like a dream, but I know
and feel the Divine reality.
I seem to be surrounded with blessings, and
see such a care of the Almighty over all that con¬
cerns me, as I cannot express. Sally has been
very ill, but raised again in answer to prayer as
by miracle. My house is a sweet rest, and "a
secret place in the wilderness to hide me in."
364 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
Many storms are without, but none can touch
me. I seem hid from all the evils of which my
letters inform me. I have peace within, resting
in hope; and peace in all my borders. I, have
communion with my friends above, and none
below can harm or injure me. As to temporal
things, I inherit now (and have done some
years) the fulness of that promise, given to me
in my deep poverty, " Thou shalt be the head,
and not the tail: thou shalt lend, and not bor¬
row." It is amazing how many I can help, both
by lending and giving; and when I made up my
book this last Christmas, I was surprised to see
on how little we had kept the house, and how
large was the poor's account;* yet a little is al¬
ways left to go on with. He does bless my bread
and my water. I want for nothing. I live bet¬
ter than I think I need, and yet, according to the
promise, I have always plenty of silver.
January 13.—Two days ago a gentleman and
his wife came to see me from a considerable dis¬
tance. He told me that for two years he had
walked in the full liberty of the sons of God; but
for the last eight years he had been in the dark¬
ness of unbelief. I was led to speak freely on
the way of faith; and mentioned an instance I
had lately heard of a good woman who, when in
prayer, her eyes being shut, had a sight of para¬
dise, where she saw our Lord as sitting in the
midst of the glorified spirits. There proceeded
from him such beams of purity, light, and glory,
* In an account for one year, I find the whole expense of her
wearing apparel amounted to a trifle more than two pounds.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 365
as penetrated them till they were all irradiated,
and shone with his glory. She saw also the same
glory stream down on the saints below, and they,
in the same manner, keeping their eyes on the
Lord, were Divinely changed. But when any of
them turned away their eyes, they received his
beams no longer. The same glory still shone
round them, but they complained of being bar¬
ren and dry, and that they could get no answers
to prayer. I observed that I thought this was
his case. If we keep faith in exercise, we shall
and must receive, for we may have of God what
we will take of him. As I spake, I said in my
heart, If this is the truth as it is in Jesus, Lord,
set to thy seal! And so he did, for the power
of God came down on the gentleman, and con¬
strained him to cry out, 0! now I feel it again !
I feel the power of God go through me ! When
I came into this room my heart was as hard and
as heavy as if the whole world lay on it. But
now it is all gone, and I feel the power of God
penetrate .pay whole frame. His wife also was
much affected, and I trust the blessing will
abide.
January 25.—A dream which was told me the
other day by S. Colley was blessed to me. She
thought she was surrounded by dangers, but look¬
ing up she saw a large eye always fixed on her,
which much encouraged her faith in an overrul¬
ing Providence. Then she thought she got into
a river, and began to sink. It was very deep and
clear, and she was much afraid; but looking
down, she saw this great eye underneath her,
31*
366 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
which caused such a faith to spring up in her
soul, that she laid herself down on the water with
as much comfort and ease as if upon her bed.
She felt she could not sink with the power of the
Almighty underneath her.
January 27.—My soul was yesterday and this
day much drawn out in prayer. Those words are
often before me, "None knoweth the Father but
the Son, and he to whom the Son is pleased to
reveal him."
I long for this revelation. I feel it is, in its
fulness, the thing I want. Thus only St. Paul's
prayer can be answered, Ephesians iii. 14-21.
0 for this revelation of thy love! I wait for it
moment by moment. And thou sayest, " They
shall not be ashamed who wait for thee !" I wait
for the salvation " which shall be brought in at
the revelation of Jesus Christ."
February 11.—The seventh of this month (on
which was our quarterly meeting) I found a good
day. My soul saw the way of faith, and felt a
degree of that liberty which from believing flows.
At our class on Tuesday night we agreed to unite
our prayers the ensuing week for power over im¬
aginations, (2 Cor. x. 5,) especially during the
time of prayer; and, blessed be God, I find some
answer.
February 26, Friday.—I have found this a com¬
fortable day. While talking with brother T., the
way of faith was more and more beautiful in my
eyes. In prayer I had a sweet discovery of the
depth contained in those words, " Whatsoever
things ye ask in prayer, believe that ye receive
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 367
them, and ye shall have them." Yesterday I
proved that truth. I asked in the name and in
the right of my Lord, that his will might be done
without interruption in me all day; and that I
might he kept and taught in every word and ac¬
tion, and enabled to abide as in the presence of
God. And though I had no sensible joy, yet I
found the power of God keeping me and approv¬
ing me each moment since that time. I have
been poorly in body, but I so see the hand of God
in all, that I seem like a little babe held in the
arms of its mother. As brother T. was speaking,
I saw the way of enjoying pure love clearer than
ever. 0 ! wherefore did I ever doubt ? Accord¬
ing as I believe, so it is ! Surely of late the
Lord is increasing my faith, and teaching me
anew to walk with himself. Mr. T. observed
that "God brought his children through differ¬
ent dispensations, sometimes of sorrow, sometimes
of joy. That it was our part to trust him in all,
believing all would be right in its season ; and
equally accepting either correction or comfort.
God knew what he was about to do with Job, and
Job had only to lie still under the hand of God;
for a time was coming in which God would surely
lift him up. He had no need to plead his own
cause, for he was safe in God's hand, who was
then making him a spectacle of glory before an¬
gels and devils; though to man he appeared very
different."
June 26, Saturday.—I am much led this morn¬
ing to pray for a resigned will, to stand to the
beck of my Lord with a ready mind. Yes, he
368
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
shall do with me and mine as seems to him good.
Company in the house is a great cross : they con¬
sume much time, and the serving tables seems to
clash with my Sabbath employment. But in this
also thou, my Lord, shalt dispose and direct:
only give me a watchful mind, and then set me
to entertain all the strangers thou pleasest. I
know not what blessed angels may come with
them as their attendants, and I will keep to my
old motto:—
" 0 that my Lord would count me meet
To wash his dear disciples' feet!
After my lowly Lord to go,
And wait upon his saints below:
Enjoy the grace to angels given,
And serve the royal heirs of heaven!"
But I see there needs a determination to be
singular. Some professors, when they have com¬
pany in the house, sit chatting with them all day.
This I must not do. It was one of the first les¬
sons God taught me, to keep my rules of retire¬
ment ; to do my business, as to writing, visiting
the sick, meeting the classes, etc., leaving them
to their freedom, and taking mine. One part of
my work must not overturn another.
August 14.—What have I seen within these
five years ! This day five years my beloved was
on his deathbed. But how is it with me now?
I answer, and from the ground of my heart, "It
is well." I have nothing to do but to praise! I
love him at this moment as much as ever I did
in my life; but I love the will of God still bet¬
ter. Yes, I adore thee, my almighty Saviour,
that thou hast done thine own will, and not mine;
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 369
and that my dearest love has been five years in
glory! 0 that might be permitted to feel a
little of what he now is—lost and swallowed up
in thee ! Lord, are we not one ? " The head of
the woman is the man, as the head of the man is
Christ;" and "whom God hath joined together
none can put asunder." Adam and Eve were
never intended to be separated; and shall sin so
overturn thy original design, as that it cannot be
restored by the Saviour ? Surely, no ! As thou
hast taken away the sting of sin, so thou hast
taken away the smart of separation. We are yet
one; and shall I not feel a communication from
thyself passing through that channel ? Lord,
make me spiritually-minded !—"meet to partake
of the inheritance of the saints in light."
August 24.—My soul is much stirred up by
the thought that I have lost time more than any
one that has really walked in the ways of the
Lord. It seems to me that I begin to see a ful¬
ness in the word of God—such a depth in the
promises, that I have been looking hitherto only
for the first principles of Christianity. 0 for
that baptism of the Spirit! that sanctifying
grace! It seems as if I wanted the Lord to
come and take away the last breath of nature's
life ! I see a great deal in these words, " The
kingdom of heaven is at hand :" the kingdom of
abiding " righteousness, peace, and joy in the
Holy Ghost." Surely that is " the kingdom of
heaven," of which our Lord said that the least
member of it "was greater than John the Bap-
370
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
tist." Lord, bring me into that liberty ! Task
it in the name of my Saviour and Advocate.
Last night I prayed that I might not have so
disturbed a night as I have found of late, but
that the Lord would keep away those hurrying
dreams which often disturb the quiet repose of
my spirit. And it was so : I found a difference.
About the middle of the night I saw my dear
husband before me. We ran into each other's
arms. I wished to ask him several questions con¬
cerning holiness, and the degree to be expected
here, etc. But I found something like a dark
cloud on my memory, so that I said in myself, I
cannot frame the question I would ask : I am
not permitted. At length I asked, My dear, do
you not visit me sometimes ? He answered,
" Many times a day." But, said I, Do not
" principalities and powers" strive to hinder you
from copimuning with me? He said, "There
is something in that." And does their opposition
cause you to suffer in coming to me ? He an¬
swered, " There is not much in that." But do
you know every material thing that occurs to me ?
"Yes." And may I always know that thou art
near me when I am in trouble, or pain, or dan¬
ger ? He paused, and said faintly, '-'Why, yes;"
then added, " But it is as well for thee not to
know it, for thy reliance must not be upon me."
He mentioned also some in glory who remem¬
bered me'; and said, "Mr. Hey is with us also;
he bid me tell thee so; and by that thou mayest
know that it is I that speak to thee." Mr. Hey
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 871
died a short time before, very happy in the
Lord.
September 14.—As I was in prayer about ten
to-day, a thought came into my mind, God is in¬
comprehensible; but we are called to walk by
faith, therefore I am to believe what I cannot
comprehend. And 01 what sweet condescension
did I see in that stupendous goodness! He
took our nature that we might be able to form
some conception of him. He stooped to me to
lift me up to himself. " God so loved us as not
to spare his own Son. Then will he not with
him freely give us all things V' I see clearly it
is the infinite desire of the blessed Triune God
to communicate himself to the creature. Ah!
why is it then I do not enjoy more of him ?
September 17.—I was much struck with the
comparison of the sun drawing up the vapor, and
purifying it as it draws. As I was walking to
the Lloyds' I thought much on it, and said in my
mind, How shall I know, and coincide with this
attraction? Immediately it came to my mind,
by that word, " Thy will be doneby this resig¬
nation we instantly enter into the attraction,
whatever state we were in before ;* and by a
simple look to Jesus, a waiting on the Spirit to do
its office on us, we continue therein. Lord, give
me so to wait every moment! I was comforted
in my visits yesterday morning, and again to-day.
Glory be to God, souls come forward, and I have
been enabled to walk about more this summer
* But the call to "repent and believe the gospel" must he first
obeyed.—Ed.
372 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
than for a long time. Lord, make me to be as a
leaf to the wind before thee! ready to obey all
thy will. Great liberty and power I have found
for some months, both in public and private
meetings. 0 what a favor to be permitted to
speak a word in thy name !
September 22.—I was thinking to-day, What
is sin ? It is a turning out of the presence of
God, and departing from union with him; draw¬
ing back from the attraction.* While that is
kept up, no sin is imputed. Many blunders may
be made; but while the heart keeps attached to
Jesus, cleaving to him by faith, these words
stand good, " There is no condemnation to those
who are in Christ Jesus." The will being still
fastened to his cross, all that is wanting is a closer
attention to the Spirit. Then these blunders
would be rectified. My one concern must be, to
keep in this presence of God, lying before him
as clay, and he will do all his will in me.
September 30.—I have found it on my mind
some time, that something more should be done
for the souls in the lower part of the town. We
have had preaching there, and prayer-meetings,
and yet they seem all dead and cold. Sally
thought of several persons, and we got the names
of twenty-eight families. We both laid it before
the Lord, considering that our good class, which
meets on Tuesday night, were aH raised at first
*St. John tells us, "Sin is the transgression of the law; the
law written in the heart," or recorded in the word. But Mrs.
Fletcher evidently means, How does sin revive in those believers
who were dead to sin ? In this view of the question, the remarks
that follow may be profitable.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS.. FLETCHER. 378:
by inviting them to a meeting. "We proposed to
do the same with these. But Sally did not feel
freedom to meet them. At night, in prayer, the
Lord laid it on my mind to take this meeting
also. Therefore she and I set out in faith, deter¬
mining to call on as many as my strength would
reach. We saw much of the Lord all the way.
I have got a promise from all we have asked,
which is fifteen. We visited many more, but did
not see the time come to ask them. We have
many still to go to. 1 have appointed ten o'clock
on Tuesday morning for this new meeting.
The Lord pour his blessing upon it! I was
pleased to find some old ones, on whom my dear
husband had spent much labor, seemingly without
fruit, now begin to feel, and they attend the pub¬
lic meetings.
October 8.—The following observation was
blessed to me as I read it this day: "There is
among men here on earth an almost infinite
diversity of gifts, talents, knowledge, inclinations,
etc. The scale of humanity rises through innu¬
merable steps, from the brute man to the think¬
ing man. The progression will continue no
doubt in the life to come, and will preserve the
same essential relations; or, in other words, the
progress which we shall make here in knowledge
and virtue, will determine the point from whence
we shall begin our progress in the other life, or
the place we shall there occupy."* What a pow¬
erful motive to excite us to grow continually in
* This may be admitted, if the blood of Christ have previously
removed all guilt.—Ed.
32
374 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
knowledge and love ! The Judge of all will render
to each according to his worksj according to the use
he hath made of his talentsj and to him who hath,
shall be given. It follows that the degree of perfec¬
tion acquired in this life, will determine in the life
to come the degree of happiness or glory which each
individual shall enjoy. Certainly, the degrees of
glory will be as various as the degrees of holiness
have been 3 and therefore we have the clearest
reason to suppose there will be an eternal advance
from one degree of perfection to another. And
because the distance between created beings and
the uncreated Being is infinite, they will tend
continually toward supreme perfection, though
without ever arriving at it.
November 12.—My soul has for some days
been in a particular exercise ; but I was enabled
not to regard the violent suggestions of the
enemy. I strove to pass over, or through the
thoughts, as they presented themselves, and took
refuge in the Lord. 0, how important it is not
to give in to one thought! The least turn of the
eye of the mind may be sufficient to let in the
tempter. It has been an amazing trial! Truly
we wrestle with principalities and powers ! In the
midst of it the Lord said, I have redeemed thee:
thou art mine ! Sometimes it seemed as if I had
lost all strength. I could not feel condemnation,
and yet I would fain have condemned myself, for I
hardly knew what thoughts were my own, and
what were injected. But, strange to say, during
this season, though I almost trembled to speak
for God, my words seemed to be attended with
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 375
more than common profit to others ! Lord, awaken
the spiritual powers of my soul ! This day I
have been renewing my solemn dedication to the
Lord. On this day I took my dear husband, now
in glory ! And I will ever consider it as my day
of marriage with the Lord.
January 1, 1791.—Last night I found much
desire that I might awake so as to devote the first
breath of the new year to the Lord ; and I foxmd
it in some measure. Between five and six I got
up, and read the Psalms for the day, but did not
find any thing particular, except that word, which
has remained on my mind, " Salvation belongeth
unto the Lord, and his blessing is on his people !"
My soul is waiting on him, and my expectation is
alone from him.
April 20.—The posture of my soul is, I still
wait in full reliance that the Lord will do his
whole will upon me. Souls come forward, and it
seems as if every one grows faster than I do. I
am much pained that I do not feel more under
the means. It seems as if the word preached
had a more powerful effect on others than on me.
Lord, why is this ? Beading is to me the great¬
est of means, except private prayer. I think the
Lord is giving me to see myself in a clearer light
than ever.
July 13.—Mr. Yalton's* visit I have found
blessed to me. His word came with power; and
while we were talking together of faith, I felt my
soul refreshed. 0 how clearly could I see the
* A travelling preacher and a member of the Methodist Confer¬
ence ; now with God.—Ed.
376 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
•way for him! and that all his trials arose from
his not believing more—from his not claiming
the privilege of his state. Just then I saw
clearly for myself also. 0 my Lord, let thy light
ever abide! God is faithful to do for us all we
trust him for. Well, I trust to be kept from all
sin—from all departure from God ; and I find it
is to me according to my faith.
Last night at the intercession I was not able to
speak one word, having such a hoarseness as I
never had in my life before. I once attempted
to pray, but could not, so I was silent all the rest
of the time. I looked on the congregation, who
were all expecting me to speak to them, and could
not even say, I love and pray for you. And it
may be, the Lord is about to take this power from
me. My eyes fail: my hand is weak with a
rheumatic pain, and I can write but little. My
feet fail : I can now walk but a short way. My
1 breath is short, and if my voice be also taken,
then I have no more to do, but to care for my
own soul and others in silence. Well, I am quite
content, and am as willing to be silent as to speak.
O thy dear will, my Lord, let it be done for
ever !
July 15.—Reading Mr. Valton's experience, I
was yesterday much struck to see the difference
between him and me, and my soul has this morn¬
ing received a fresh conviction to offer up every
thought in a deeper manner than I have ever
done. Lord, thou art faithful to keep that which
is committed unto thee. I here commit my every
thought, with all the powers of my imagination.
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 377
Lord, keep them in one constant going out after
thee !
August 11.—This been a very solemn week to
me. It was six years last Friday since my dear
love began to be ill. This year, each scene fall¬
ing on the same day of the week, as well as the
year, brings all afresh before me. Last Sunday
was the awful day in which he took his last leave
of his church and people, and began to die in
their immediate service ! It was our quarterly
meeting at the Wood. I was in full exercise all
day, and felt my spirit deeply resigned, and a
good deal drawn out in the Lord's work, though
it was a suffering time. Each day I have passed
through every scene, and had some calls to take
up other crosses, and to be much employed for
the Lord. I feel he sustains me, and gives me
to say and feel, Thy will be done ! Last Lord's
day I felt a stirring up in my soul, with an
encouraging hope that I should yet be brought
into a closer walk with God than ever. Yester¬
day was a day of more than common recollection.
I seemed to bear in mind the nearness of Jesus,
and felt all good come from him. I find we have
nothing to do but keep uniting our mind to him
by faith and love; and if we keep the tree of
life, we shall be sure to have each fruit in its
season.
August 17.—Last Sabbath was the day which
closed the sixth year of my dear love's inheritance
in glory. I had many outward calls all day in the
work of God, and found support and comfort
therein.
32*
378 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
"What cannot resignation do?
It wonders can perform!
That powerful charm—Thy will he done!
It lays the loudest storm."
November 15.—It is a great cross, this change
in our ministry. Mr. H. going away, now we
were so settled, is a trial. Lord, undertake for
us, and order in the way thou pleasest. Only let
me do as my dear husband ever did, sink under
every humiliation and cross, and rise by all nearer
to thee ! I long to be more abundantly the tem¬
ple of the Holy Ghost. I feel it is a narrow
way. But 0, keep me ever under the atoning
blood. I cast me thereon, I rest alone on thee!
I shall now make a few observations.—-First, I
must observe, I have been led all the way through
my pilgrimage by an exercise of faith in a very
particular manner. Two great promises have
been given to me, on which the Lord hath made
me to hope. One in which spiritual and tempo¬
ral blessings are united; and tbe otber relating
wholly to spiritual things. The first was sealed
on my heart in a time of particular trial, at Lay-
ton stone : "If thou return to the Almighty, thou
shalt be built up; thou shalt put away iniquity
far from thy tabernacles. Then shalt thou lay
up gold as the dust, and the gold of Ophir as the
stones of the brook; yea, tbe Almighty shall be
thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver."
"Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be
established unto thee; and the light shall shine
upon thy ways." This promise hath supported
me through the rough path in which I was called
to walk. But the words of the apostle, impressed
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 379
on my mind when I was seventeen years old, viz.,
"If she have lodged strangers; if she have
brought up children; if she have washed the
saints' feet; and diligently followed after every
good work/'—the Lord has enabled me also to
attend to. After all my wanderings, I am re¬
turned to the Almighty; and he hath built me
up. Iniquity, glory be to God ! is put far from
my tabernacles. My beloved nephew is brought
to the Lord. My family are pious and upright;
nor have I any thing to lament under my roof, as
displeasing to God. My prayer seems to have
free access to the throne, and the speedy answers
amaze me ! I wished for a large commodious,place
for the people to meet in, as their number greatly
increases, and though it seemed impossible, it is
,jaow accomplished. I wished for a hundred
pounds to build a meeting-house at the Bank,
remembering how much my dear husband de¬
sired it. Laying it before the Lord, that word
Was again applied, "Thou shalt decree a thing,
and it shall be established unto thee; and the
light shall shine upon thy ways." I subscribed
thirty pounds, and have now the whole sum ready
before the ground is prepared to build it on. I
desire nothing, in earth or heaven, but the glory
of God. I feel the Almighty is my defence, and
to confirm my faith in spiritual things by tempo¬
ral, he does give me great plenty of silver.
The other great promise of my life was, "Thou
shalt walk with me in white : I will make thee
worthy." Lord, how far is that accomplished ?
0 shine on thy poor creature, and let me clearly
380 LITE OT MRS. FLETCHER.
discern and make known the work of tliy hand!
Thou art the author of all good.
That salvation I experienced at HQxton was cer¬
tainly a drop from the living fountain; but I had
not then a full discovery of sin. Since that time,
0 what a depth of iniquity, what huge moun¬
tains of ingratitude have I mourned over! I
once thought I could not sit down on a level with
the greatest outward sinners. In repeating those
lines,—
"0 might I as the harlot lie,
At those dear feet transfixed for me!"
1 have stopped and thought—I fear I am not
right. I cannot feel myself the chief of sinners.
I cannot repent of the sins which (through pre¬
venting grace) I have not committed. But, alas !
the sight I have had of inbred sin ; the base de¬
parture of my heart from a close walk with God;
and the depth of self and pride I have there dis¬
covered, is in my eyes more dreadful than out¬
ward transgression. I have sometimes looked on
those sinners universally despised by men, and
felt in my heart that I preferred them to myself,
while the depth of "that carnal mind which is
enmity against God," struggled for the mastery.
In these conflicts of -soul, how often have I
thought, if I did but know there was as great a
sinner as myself before the throne, who never¬
theless had been here filled with the fulness of
God, after all that he had felt and done, it would
bring a heaven into my breast! How often have
I wept over those words,—
" If so poor a worm as I
May to thy great glory live."
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 381
I feared, though the Lord was gracious, that I
must not look to be saved, except as by fire; and
that I should never bring that honor to God
which my soul desired. But now, glory be to
God! that fear is done away. I seem to have for¬
gotten myself! I am wholly taken up with Jesus!
The more I look at him, the more my faith in¬
creases. He applies to my heart these words,
"The sin of Jacob shall be sought for, and there
shall be none; and the iniquity of Israel, and it
shall not be found." He hath shown me the way
to rise above the mountains of inbred sin. He
hath enabled me in hope to believe against hope,
and so come nearer to our great pattern, "the
father of the faithful, who staggered not at the
promises, but was strong in faith, giving glory to
God !* He is the author and the finisher of my
faith !" Yes, he will make us worthy. I sink
into nothing, and look at the Lord my righteous¬
ness, and I feel those believing views are trans¬
forming views; and the more entirely I abandon
myself into his hands, the more permanent is my
peace.
I now praise the Lord, " that where sin hath
abounded, grace doth much more abound." The
clear light I have into the mysteries of redeeming
love, causes my strains of praise to run the higher.
Yes, they shall love him most who have most for¬
given ! I do not know that I ever feel mv will
and affections depart from him. I feel a childlike
simplicity; and a purity which, it seems to me,
* 0 that all who feel their spirit oppressed in beholding these
mountains would take this way i How soon would they all sink
into a plain!—Ed.
382 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
my very outward person must express. Yet I am
always committing blunders, and even showing
roughness; when really there is nothing but love.
I used to feel just the contrary. I used to strive
to act as a Christian; but it was a constraint; and
though, by the power of Grod, I kept within the
line, yet it was not free and natural. Now I often
feel, if I could be turned inside out, I should
bring more glory to Grod than I do. But that
there still should be these blemishes in my deport¬
ment deeply humbles me, and for inward and out¬
ward defects I cry,—
"Every moment, Lord, I need
The merit of thy death!"
One day, lamenting before the Lord that I did
not in my conversation more adorn the truth, it
was brought to my mind, that gold must be kept;
in the fire till purified from all dross; and that
even then it would be liable to be sullied. For
that, however, a rub would suffice. This was
very different from the purification it needed at
first. I must ever be ashamed before him! and if
any one ignorantly ascribes any thing to me, it
gives me a pain I cannot express. Yet I think
that word is more exemplified in me now than
when I was at Hoxton, (though I then used the
same expression in a lower meaning,) "I live not,
but Christ liveth in me." I now, however, dis¬
cern such a vastness therein, that I am constrained
to cry out,—
"A point, my good, a drop, my store,
Eager I thirst, I pant for more!"
I am not led to speak much of my state; I am
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 383
more drawn to a quiet waiting on Jesus; but on
this occasion I feel a call from the Lord to give
my last testimony to his faithfulness. I sit at
my Saviour's feet. "I am poor and needy, but
the Lord careth for me !" Therefore "I am not
afraid for any evil tidings, for my heart standeth
fast, believing in the Lord." I think T discern
the near approach of dissolution, and am daily made
sensible of decay.* But swelled legs, short breath,
and other morbid symptoms, give me no dreary
.prospect. The will and order of God is my choice,
in whatsoever way it manifests itself. Sometimes
it is suggested that I shall be called to endure
great conflicts in death, both outward and inward.
Well, I have no care about it. Once I wished to
be able to express some joy in death, in order to
^encourage those I leave behind. But now I see
fthings in a different light. My life hath been a
life of backslidings and unfaithfulness. I know
not, therefore, what kind of death will bring most
instruction to others, and most glory to God. All
is in his hand, and all my prayers are lost in this,
"Father, thy will be done." I feel a bleeding
wound from the loss of that dearest and best of
men. But I am conscious he is not dead! No;
he that "believeth in Jesus shall never die."
And the will of God is so dear to me, I rejoice it
is done, though against my tenderest feelings.
He is wise, and I kiss the rod. I admire and
adore! I have communion with my dearest love
before the throne! He waits for, he beckons me.
* How true is that word, Lifo is yours, and death is yours—all
shall be ordered for your good! She lived twenty-four years after
this time.—Ed.
38-i LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
away! I rest in the will of God; and at this
moment
"Not one wave of sorrow rolls
Across my peaceful breast!"
I have found of late much comfort in those
words, INFINITE WISDOM ! INFINITE POWER ! IN¬
FINITE L0YE. 0 my God! Thy infinite wisdom
swallows up all my choice! Thy infinite power
forbids my fear! And thy infinite love makes all
my own!
And now I know this day in my heart and in
my soul, that "not one of the good things hath
failed me, of all the Lord my God hath spoken!"
Therefore, looking for salvation and victory alone
" through the blood of the Lamb, and the word of
our testimony," I conclude with Simeon's words,
"Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in
peace, for mine eyes have seen thy salvation."
life of mrs. fletcher.
385
PART THE SEVENTH.
extracts from her journal.
"We have now gone on with Mrs. Fletcher, from
the time when in early youth she obeyed that call
of God, "Come out from among them, and he
ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch 'not the
unclean thing; and I will receive you, and he a
Father to you, and ye shall be my sons and daugh¬
ters, saith the Lord Almighty." We have seen
her, like the great father of the faithful, " go forth
and follow the Lord, not knowing whither she
went." We have seen her pass through the wil¬
derness of cares, and fears, and sorrows, "leaning
upon her beloved;" not forgetting, however, his
warning voice, "Remember Lot's wife." We
have beheld her wading through the depths of
self-knowledge, made manifest by the law, and the
painful process of which is so strikingly displayed
in the seventh chapter of the Epistle to the Ro¬
mans. We have travailed with her in birth while
she groaned oppressed with the "carnal mind,"
yet thanking God, and not desparing of deliver¬
ance, "through Jesus Christ our Lord." We
have anticipated the victory while she "encouraged
33
386 life of mrs. fletcher.
herself in the Lord her God." "We have seen her
struggle, not in vain, till the opening heaven, dis¬
played in the eighth chapter of that glorious epis¬
tle, claimed and received her whole heart! We
have seen this Divine process continue, without
any of those unscriptural abstractions or subter¬
fuges which have obscured or deformed " the work
of the Spirit" in other devoted souls. What re¬
mains but to see if she carried her blessings
through the trials of her remaining years? If
she maintained the same undeviating path? If
she held fast simplicity and love in all her inter¬
course with her fellow-creatures? If she con¬
tinued to " deny herself daily, and take up her
cross?" If she persevered to the end of her race,
"trusting in the Lord, doing good unto all, and
especially to the household of faith ?" An extract
from her journals, which are very copious, will
furnish us with a clear, and, we hope, not a tire¬
some answer to these very important questions.—
Ed.
January 1, 1792.—This has been a solemn day.
At the sacrament I gave myself afresh to the Lord.
At night we renewed our covenant: my soul
strove for a perfect dedication. It is the last time,
I suppose, that Mr. and Mrs. Home will be with
us on this occasion, which added to the solemnity.*
Friday, 6th.—A day of solemn prayer in many
parts of it; yet much temptation and distraction
at others. 0 how does my soul long for the
full union! I feel a fixed reliance on Jesus, and
* Mr. Horne, curate of Madeley, was then preparing to go to
Sierra Leone, as chaplain to that settlement.—En.
life of mrs. fletcher. 387
an increasing desire after him. aO tell me, thou
whom my soul loveth, where thou makest thy
flock to rest at noon!" I long after thy meridian
brightness. This day ten years I came first to
Madeley, and my dear husband led me through
the house. We prayed together, and gave our¬
selves up into the hands of the Lord. What have
I seen since that time! Well, blessed be the
Lord, I am nearer to him, and more free to serve
God, both mwardly and outwardly, than I was
that night. But I want to be a meet partaker
with my dear, dear, holy husband, now in light!
I want to feel a fuller degree of the spirit in which
he lives! Lord, thou hast said, "Whom God
hath joined together, let no man put asunder."
Are we not still one? Thou knowest, 0 Lord,
our union was far more in the spirit than in the
flesh; and
"Can death's interposing tide
Spirits one in thee divide ?"
Surely no. 0, then, make me a "partaker of the
inheritance of the saints in light!"
7th.—Received to-day a striking conviction how
careful I ought to be not to expose the fault or
infirmity of any one. I want so to love my neigh¬
bors as to feel all their concerns as tenderly as if
they were my own. When I err in the least from
this, I feel the Lord's rebuke.
12th.—A day of recollection. I prayed last
night that I might not offend with my tongue all
the day. I knew I should be exposed to some
hurrying circumstances, and I pleaded in faith
that there might not come one word out of my
388 LTFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
mouth that I could have a sorrowful thought for;
and, blessed be his holy name, I have found a con¬
stant sense of a Divine monitor warning and keep¬
ing me the whole day. Yes, thou hast answered
my prayer, glory be to thee, 0 Lord! I have this
day also found a sweet idea of Christ's condescend¬
ing love, and gentle manner in reproving his dis¬
ciples. And is not his heart the same in heaven?
Yes, it is! "He is the same yesterday, to-day,
and for ever." Then he does pity and bear with
me. Yes, his blood hath atoned for all.
"Jesus protects: my fears, begone!
Who can the Rock of ages move ?
Within thine arms I Jay me down,
Thine everlasting arms of love!"
25th.—Last Saturday Mr. Horne and his family
set out from our house for Sierra Leone, the place,
of his mission in Africa. For three weeks we7
have been a good deal taken up in helping them
to prepare for this great undertaking. I found
much of the approval of God in all we had to do,
and a delight in the thought that so poor a worm
can in the least contribute toward what appears
so much for the glory of God. The next day was
solemn. Mr. Gilpin kindly assisted us, and en¬
couraged us to believe we should not suffer for
what we had given up in obedience to God's order.
His sermon was attended with unction. In the
afternoon he was obliged to leave us, and return
to his own congregation. I had a meeting in our
room, as there was no service in the church.
There was a weight on my spirit. I now missed
my dear husband. Our being without a minister
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 388
may cause many disagreeable things; and I alone
feel the burden. Here is no Mr. Home, thought
I, to consult with. However, we had a very sweet
time! The Lord was present in a more than
common manner. I felt liberty and freedom to
speak, but we were greatly crowded. Numbers
went away for want of room, at which I was
grieved. Lord, direct us in all our ways!
There is a good spirit in our people: they feel
the loss of their minister, and yet seem resigned
to the will of God.
March 4.—Since the above I have passed
through various scenes. Our room being too
small for the Sunday congregation, I thought it a
call to go to the Dale, and believed the badness
of the roads was not to hinder. But the Lord has
been pleased to visit me with illness, and has
quite confined me to my room. I found much
peace in the Divine appointment. One day the
doctor told me he thought my case very bad; and
I had reason to believe I was very near my Fa¬
ther's house. I felt all my soul acquiesce in the
Divine disposal; and' though I had no particular
joy, but rather darts from the enemy, neverthe¬
less I felt my soul lie down as it were on the will
of God, as on a soft pillow. Soon after it appeared
I should, for a time, be better. All was still right.
0 the blessing of having a God to trust to!
I am now again enabled to attend the meetings,
and I find an increasing power and freedom; but
we are still without a minister, which causes many
difficulties. Every day, and almost every hour,
things occur to make me feel afresh the want of
33*
390 LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
that shepherd who so naturally cared for our souls,
and so tenderly led this flock for such a number
of years. But I feel a pleasure in the cross. It
is a favor, a great favor, to suffer any thing for
my Glod. A new ministry has something awful.
Should it be carnal, what a pain will it be to me
to see my dear's pulpit so occupied! Should he
be a spiritual man, yet perhaps he will not agree
with the Methodist preachers, and that will cause
dissensions, a thing unknown at Madeley as yet.
But in all I stand still, determined to be well
pleased with all that the Lord provides. Should
there be a disagreement, I must bear the weight
on both sides. 0 thou great Shepherd and Bishop
of souls, I hang on thee! I hide me in the cleft
of thy side, and, as it were, wrap me in thy will!
Crosses are very profitable. I have one foot im
the grave, and often but a rough path. It re¬
minded me of a dream I had when about twenty-
three, before my soul had lost that liberty it got
at Hoxton. I thought I was looking through my
breast at my heart, and it appeared very smooth
and white. Presently I saw the finger of a hand
with something like the blade of a penknife. It
began to scrape; immediately all was rough and
brown, till after a time I saw one spot like white
velvet. Then it was spoken to me, You must
endure that circumcising knife till the whole is
like that spot! There was a great change at that
time, and a real renewal as far as it went. But
when afterward the keen and close knife was laid
to, all appeared rough. 0 let me endure till thy
whole will is done! 0 the perfect atonement!
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 391
Yes, the blood of Christ cleanseth from all sin!
When a room is dark, let in the sun, and it is
light. Yet there is no light from the room—it is
all in the sun. So the soul, uniting itself to
Christ by faith, is made pure by that union, and
kept pure by the continuance of it. As I was
pleading that word to-day, "In this is my Father
glorified, that ye bring forth much fruit," I thought,
It is only union with Christ that can make me
fruitful. I had a glimpse of that union, and saw
it was all free gift. Therefore I may ask and have
the fulness of the Spirit! Hallelujah!
June 22,—What cause have I to trust in the
Lord! On May 31st Mr. Walter came to reside.
Nearly five months I had the cross of being with¬
out a minister, but now the Lord hath provided
one, who I trust will prove a man after his own
heart. I have only to stand still and see his sal¬
vation in all, and my spirit finds rest in so do¬
ing. I have of late had some very comfortable
seasons in speaking to the people, and much of
the presence of God. I have had a dream, from
which I derived some profit. I seemed to be
assaulted by Satan. Immediately I saw a man at
a distance, partly covered with a cloud. He
seemed to take no notice of me for a long time;
at last he came up to me. As he drew near,
Satan fell back. The man laid his hand on my
arm, and said, "Be strong:" on which I felt a
strength go through me I cannot describe. He
then returned to the same spot, and seemed to
take no more notice of me. After a time the en¬
emy came again, and struggled hard with me. I
392 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
often looked toward the man, but he appeared to
take no notice. "When my strength was almost
gone, I raised my left hand and weakly put it
against the enemy, saying, "The Lord Jesus
bruise thee beneath my feet, from this time for
ever!" upon which he fell flat to the ground.
The man behind the cloud then said, "Do you
hear that? Do you all witness it?" To which a
great number of voices, as in a musical note, an¬
swered, "We do! we do! we do!" They seemed
above me, around me, and on every side! And
their voices were so loud the sound awoke me.
It seemed to point out to me two great truths:
First, That at those times when the Lord appears
not to answer as my soul could wish, I am still to
see him as looking upon me, and equally trust
him when he does or does not speak. Secondly,,
That we are continually in the sight of the eternal
world. Indeed, this I always knew; but I felt it
more deeply impressed. I seem peculiarly con¬
scious of the presence of the heavenly host, and
would act, think, and speak, with the deepest
reverence.
August 16, Thursday.—On Tuesday last was
the anniversary of my dear husband's death.
Seven years have passed since that awful scene.
Seven years has he been in glory! and I, a poor
mournful widow, walking below through my pil¬
grimage alone. But what mercies have I seen in
those seven years! 0, had I at first known I
should have stayed so long here, it would have
looked very sad. But I feel more and more we
are to live the present moment, and I find help
LIFE OP MRS. PLETCHER. 398
and strength is given for every hour. It was a
solemn but good day to me. My husband seemed
unspeakably dear and near to me; but the love
of the will of God kept me all day above every
painful feeling.
September 12.—This summer I have been
mueh called to speak in the name of the Lord;
and such a way has been made for me, as to
weather and conveyance, and various circum¬
stances, that it fully convinced me I have no need
of care. 0 how sweet is that com mand, " Cast thy
burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain thee \"
I do not know also that ever I felt such help and
liberty from the Lord in all my life, as I have
done in speaking this year, both winter and sum¬
mer, at home and abroad. It is a cross to the
flesh, but, glory be to thee, thy light doth shine
on my ways.
This day I am fifty-three years old. 0 that I
may from this day begin a new life! Once more
we are free from company; and I am led to give
myself more abundantly to private prayer. Since
we have been alone, a deep conviction has rested
on my mind of the shortness of time, and .how
little longer I may retain any degree of health.
Therefore I determined to seek for an increase of
the Spirit to unite me more to himself, as he sees
good, so I may but glorify him. I seem to be
threatened with a cancer, and rather seemed to
shrink at the prospect. But it may be the an¬
swer of my own prayer; and I still say, Only
make me holy!
October 4.—I was led this morning to offer up
894 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
my whole self to God. First, My body, for any
suffering he saw good. I leave it all to him. If
any means are to be used, I believe the Lord will
himself direct what shall be done. Secondly, My
reputation, to be esteemed or despised. Thirdly,
My substance, to be continued or withheld.
Fourthly, My soul, I commit it altogether to the
Lord. He knows I want to be fully saved; and
I will"consider it as my one business. Lord,
get thyself gldry upon me! The other morning I
was awaked by those words powerfully impressed:
"0 glorious seat! thou God, our King,
Shalt thither hring our willing feet!"
Last night those words were precious, "With
favor will I encompass them as with a shield."
My spirit seems to long for a closer communion.
I have thought on those words, "If any man love
me, he will keep my words, and my Father will
love him, and we will come unto him, and make
our abode with him." I see I must apply myself
more to "do the will of God," watching each
word and thought, and taking up every cross with
cheerfulness.
October 12.—I have been reading over, with
deep attention, the Life of Mr. David Brainerd.
0 what a deep-searching book have I found it!
Many times before have I read it through, but
never so entered hi to the spirit of it as now. He
observes, it was always his heaven to do the will of
God, from his first conviction; and he could never
rest but in doing something for the Lord, even
when death was upon him! Lord, make me to be
of that mind! To have our happiness in doing
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 395
and suffering the will of God, is indeed the
strongest assurance the soul can have of future
glory. For can any thing separate God's will
from himself? Neither life nor death can then
divide the soul from his eternal presence. Glory
he to God, I feel some little measure of this
spirit. My delight is, that the Lord reign eth,
and my rest is in his will. As I was thinking
the other day, perhaps I may be called to have
the cancer cut out of one breast, perhaps out of
both, as there is pain in the other, and formed
the idea of the handkerchief tied over my eyes,
and my arms bound to the chair—as I was offer¬
ing myself up to the will of God, I felt those
words applied, " I am ready not only to be bound,
but to die for the Lord Jesus."
On Monday morning I had a peculiar sweetness
on my spirit in meeting the people; and at night
I read and spoke from the 21st of Matthew.
It was a good time, and some souls were blessed.
On the Tuesday, being our intercession, I do not
know when I have found such liberty. The
Lord was very present, and a deep solemnity
rested on the congregation; some of whom have
since told me the Lord wrought much on them
that night. Blessed be God, he still gives me to
bear his message to the people. 0 that my little
remaining strength and time may all be devoted
to him. Yet I have of late been much tried with
such a stupor upon me in the morning, that I
cannot rise till near seven o'olock. This pains
me much. Lord, make me more active in thy
work! I have since observed some answer, to
396
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
prayer with regard to rising in the morning: Lord,
give me to persevere!
November 1.—The Lord give me to abound in
charity as to the outward act! But where is the
difficulty of being so, when the Lord hath made
my cup to run over? If ever my charity was
great, it was when I had little, expecting a prison
for myself, while I was helping others. Yet at
that time I am not sure it was cheerfully done; a
necessity seemed laid upon me. But now, though
I give much, and am much employed for the poor,
yet I fear I do not save all I might for them out
of what is spent on my worthless self. How has
the Lord appeared for me! Another's grace,
another's wisdom, another's management! My
father's and husband's money all devoted to my
service! all gathered together to serve me!
While these thoughts came rolling over my mind,
those words presented themselves: "When I sent
you without purse or scrip, lacked ye any thing?
And they said, Nothing."
November 13, Tuesday.—Yesterday concluded
eleven years since my dear husband and I were
made one. It was a solemn day to me. I strove
to renew my marriage covenant with the Lord;
but it was a day of gloom: I had no near access.
Much of it was employed among the people, as
Monday usually is. In the morning meeting I
had some liberty, and more at night, while read¬
ing and speaking on the twelfth of the Hebrews.
December 1.—I was much encouraged in con¬
sidering that it is the office of Jesus to "baptize
with the Holy Ghost." How is it we so neglect
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 397
to look for the fulfilment of that office of our Lord!
Bid he not say, "He that believeth on me, out
of his belly shall flow rivers of living water ? And
this he spake of the Spirit," which they who be¬
lieve on him were to receive. This gift of the
Holy Ghost is therefore the very thing believers
are to look for. No matter what they call it—a
clean heart, salvation from evil tempers, purity,
or what they will—it makes no difference. There
is a baptism of the Spirit for believers to receive,
and which I have had a taste of; but I want the
fulness. The Lord is faithful—it shall come.
Yes, I see it, I come near it, I feel a touch of it
while writing; yet my faith wants a further lift.
Lord, it must be all thy own doing!
December 2.—I was talking yesterday with
one who told me many were much alarmed about
the nation. That inflammatory papers were
throwing about among the army, and it is feared
they will raise among them such a spirit as reigns
in those of France. I was led to consider that
and various other things which appeared to me as
signs of the times. At night I felt much liberty
in pleading for our good king, and that God would
restrain the evil ones, who are striving to raise a
spirit of ingratitude and rebellion in our nation.
I felt comfort in my old word, The Lord reigneth.
December 11.—This has been on the whole a
good day. I cannot say I have found so much
liberty in the times of family prayer as I usually
have; but in the five times of my private ap¬
proaches to the Lord, I think I have each time
had a greater degree of it.
34
898 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
December 16, Sunday.—My spirit pants after
God! 0 Lord, glorify thyself upon me; this is
what I long for, and pray for. I seem like a poor
beggar waiting at mercy's door—oft full of hope,
and then again the door seems shut. I want the
spirit of prayer. I want also a more self-denying
spirit. Last night I dreamed my dear husband
wrote a line for me to read. I took up the paper
yith desire, and read, "Those who closely follow
Jesus Christ can discern the mark of the thorn in
his steps." As soon as I was dressed, I lighted
a candle, and opened the Bible to read, when I
cast my eyes on those words, " Seeing Christ hath
suffered in the flesh, arm yourself also with the
same mind." I see it. If I would walk with
Christ, I must know my path by that very mark.
A constant death to my own will: Lord, show
me how to walk thus! Give me a steady power
to rise the very moment the alarm goes off: to
watch against sloth all day, and to use more ab¬
stemiousness in my food. I believe this would
be good both for soul and body; and I have asked
it of the Lord, that Sally may see it in the right
light, and not fret and be unhappy when I do not
take what she thinks I ought. This is oft a mighty
hindrance to me in little mortifications which I
would use. I am quite clear I have no right to
hurt my body. I am not, I think, in any danger
of that. But often self-denial promotes health.
I hope to begin to-morrow, a day which we had
set apart to pray for the nation, and for the chil¬
dren on whom the Lord had begun to work. I
propose to keep a watch over my appetite each
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
399
day, and this indeed the Lord hath already given
me; but to this I would add a shadow (for I can¬
not call it more) of a fast, twice a week. On
Mondays and Fridays I would omit butter in the
morning, eating dry bread, and, as usual, rosemary
tea without sugar. For dinner, water gruel, with
salt and pepper, and, as on other days, tea for my
supper. This cannot hurt my health, and may
be a kind of remembrancer that there is such a
duty as self-denial.
February 9, 1793.—The watch-night, the last
evening of the year, and the intercession, the first
of this year, were both favored with much of the
presence of God, and some souls were a good deal
stirred up. Blessed be the Lord, the work does
not cease. How melancholy did our situation
appear when Mr. Home was called away! But
we are comfortably provided for in a minister.
0 how good it is to stand still, and commit all
our ways to God ! This day my spirit has been
waiting on the Lord, and enabled to keep in his
presence.
March 20.—This morning I felt a power to ask
that I might be kept from grieving the Holy
Spirit all the day. I knew there would be much
hurry and many distractions. Glory be to my
God, I found Jesus a sweet refuge, and a freedom
from all confusion or hurry of thought all the day.
The presence of the Lord keeps all in peace.
This day I have experienced afresh the fulfilment
of my former promise of having plenty of silver.
Among other things, I have had some singular
opportunities of helping the Church and the poor,
400 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
each in small portions. 0, how can I praise the
Lord sufficiently for such an indulgence! What
numbers of his dear children am I enabled to
assist! Bless the Lord, 0 my soul, and all that
is within me bless his holy name!
March 26.—This morning having some painful
thoughts respecting the cancer, I carried them to
the Lord. A sweet calm came over my spirit.
I could freely offer up all to God. He knows, if
I saw my way clear, I am ready every hour io
submit to the operation. While I waited in calm
and peaceful resignation, that word occurred to
my mind, " Can there be evil in the city, and the
Lord hath not done it?" I said, No; it is all in
his hand: it can rise no higher than he pleases.
I thought, also, if my dear husband was with me,
and had power over the complaint, should I be
under any concern about it? I answered, No, I
should not. My tender partner would direct and
help me through all. Well, said my heart,
my heavenly Bridegroom is more powerful, more
loving, more present, than the dearest human friend
can be. I have nothing to do but stand still, and
he will instruct me in the way I should go. I
have his own promise, all shall work together for
my good. Even my mistake, if I am under one
respecting this disease, all shall be for good. I
am alone, and have none to direct me. There-
fore^ I give up all to my Lord! and as we order
for an infant, so will he order all for me. What-,,
ever is his choice is mine.
April 1.—Yesterday being Easter Sunday, I
felt a desire to give up all my concerns into the
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 401
hands of God, by a fresh dedication of myself to
him at his table. I Was much troubled the night
before with a suggestion that I ought to have the
cancer cut out, and that I should see it so by and
by. I ventured to pray that if it were the will
of God that I should stand still and wait on him,
he would give me a peculiar blessing on the mor¬
row. My prayer was graciously heard. So com¬
fortable a Sabbath I have not had for years. I
gave up soul and body into the Lord's hand, with
a firm confidence that he would order for me, as
a tender husband for a wife; and when I went to
the table I was enabled to consider it as the seal
of our mutual covenant, and my faith has ever
since found an increase. The marks of death
seem to be upon me, and they are a great bless¬
ing ! I seem continually called to offer myself up
as in martyrdom; and so many sweet promises
come before me, assuring me of the tender care
of my Lord, that I sometimes think never was a
creature so safe and so happy.
April 4.—Reflecting this morning on the vari¬
ous ways in which different persons express them¬
selves concerning sanctification, or what is called
Christian perfection, I was led to think, ma;f it
not be thus expressed—I feel a degree of faith
which continually unites me to God, through the
atoning blood. "I abide in Christ," through
whom I am always accepted, and I feel nothing
contrary to love. Yea, I am far from what I
ought to be; and I obey with joy my Lord's ad¬
monition, " When ye have done all, say, I am an
unprofitable servant." Being taken into Christ,
402 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
as a drop of water into the ocean, I lose myself in
him, and find in him my all for time and for eter¬
nity ! Now a measure of this state I do feel;
and I feel strong drawings to expect a clearer
fellowship—a throwing open the everlasting doors
of my soul, and a more powerful entrance of the
King of glory!
Saturday, 6.—I went this morning to see a sick
family lately come into the town, and ill of a pu¬
trid fever, of which the father died. 0 how
dark did I find all those who were recovered!
The various places I called at yielded little satis¬
faction till we came to D. The girl was just on
the point of marriage with a pious young man,
and every way to her advantage. But instead
of this, she is now brought to death's door by a
painful and dangerous disorder. She told me
she did not find her inclination at all to
this world; that she had much rather die than
live. She added, " How good is the Lord in all
he does ! The apothecary gives me bitter medi¬
cines to do me good, and I love him for it, though
he may mistake and do me harm. But God can¬
not mistake, and shall I not love him ? 0, he
keeps my mind so quiet I can leave all unto hinj.
Sometimes I have great temptations, and reason
whether I have not brought it all on myself, by
taking too hard a place." I observed, " But you
went there believing it to be for the best ?" " Yes,"
she replied, " and the Lord soon comforts me
again, if such thoughts come. The other night
I dreamed I was dead. I thought I was looking
down on this bed, and said, there is the spot on
VLIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 403
which my crown was brightened, and I have not
had one pain too much; and so I shall say when
I get to glory/' Her words were exceedingly
animating to me. When she first met with me
among the children, I always observed her deep
attention. 0, how she has grown in grace !
May 14.—The first Sunday of this month I was
at the Dale. We had a crowded house; but I
felt such liberty, both of mind and voice, as I but
seldom remember to have had. I spoke near an
hour from that word, " They shall ask their way
to Zion, with their faces thitherward." In the
last meeting we had great liberty, blessed be the
Lord! On Monday night I found also uncom¬
mon freedom at our home meeting, and the con¬
gregation was very large. Tuesday's class was
also good; but from that time I have been laid
up with pains in my head, face, and all over me,
attended with a slight fever. During this season
I have been led to consider what numerous mer¬
cies I am surrounded with ! My cup runs over.
Though I have not that near access to my God I
long for, yet I do feel such safety, such confidence
in his love, that I am, in the midst of all, enabled
still to say and feel,
" One only care my soul shall know,
Father, all thy commands to do."
July 1.—Last night a man called, whose
daughter lies in this infectious fever which has
carried off so many. He said she desired to see
Sally, as she was much distressed in her soul,
and it was too far off for me to go there. Sally
asked me what she should do ? Finding her own
404 LIFE OF MRS FLETCHER.
mind quite free to it as the call of God, I felt it
come near, for she is my greatest consolation, next
to God, and useful as a right hand. I looked up,
and felt the power of these words, " The hairs
of your head are all numbered." I said in my
heart, If the Lord should have appointed to take
her from me by this mean, shall I say to him,
What doest thou ? No, I will cling to that word,
" Thy will be done on earth as it is done in hea¬
ven." It was suggested, You lost your husband
by a putrid fever; perhaps Sally may be taken
also by it. But shall I refuse her devoting her
life to the glory of God ? Shall I hold back the
dearest thing I have upon earth from Jesus, who
gave himself for me ? My soul cried out, No, my
Lord, my Saviour, no! I ofier up every Isaac to
thy will. She went and found the woman under
a concern for her soul. All consequences I leave
to my God.
I am amazed how free my mind is from care!
Those things which used to burden me are now
as nothing. I have learned to stand still, and
Jesus, my adorable Saviour, takes care of all.
August 14.—This has been a solemn day.
And is it indeed eight years since my dear¬
est husband went to glory ? What a night was
that to me ! I was at this hour waiting at his
bedside, with my eyes immovably fixed upon his
dear, calm, peaceful, dying countenance. I have
this day gone through the scene; but glory be to
God, in a different manner than when we seemed
on the point of separation; yea, already parted,
for he could not show any sensibility toward me.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 405
But this day it has been constantly on my mind,
as if we thought and did all together. Yes, thou
dear spirit, well didst thou say to me in that
dream, " I am not dead, I live I" Yes, thou dost
live; and I have no doubt hast helped me this
day to feel an uncommon peace, such as I some¬
times have felt when dreaming, and having, in a
peculiar manner, a sense of the presence of hea¬
venly spirits. There are seasons when the mind,
joining itself to the Lord, and abiding in that
posture, feels a kind of anticipation of the blissful
union enjoyed in the realms of light, and has
communion, more or less sensible, with the spirits
before the throne. Some faint touches of this I
have felt this day. At my first waking in the
morning, my soul cried to the Lord, that it might
be indeed a day of consecration and dedication
of all my powers to that God whose I am, and
whom I desire perfectly to serve.
December 21.—My soul has for some days
been in a peculiar exercise. 0 Lord, keep me
from every snare, and never let me be drawn into
any thing but according to thy will! I wish to
help souls, and to obey thy order; but in so do¬
ing, it is hard to avoid many things disagreeable.
Lord, give me a fuller plunge into thyself, that
my conversation may be always in heaven!
And the desire to please, or fear of contempt,
remove far from me! 0 for a single eye fixed
alone on God!
The lump in my breast is removed, in a won¬
derful manner, in answer to prayer! I could not
find freedom to use any of the things I was ad-
406 LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER.
vised to, only the goosegrass juice, a quarter of a
pint twice a day. After some months, the up¬
per lump became less, and is now quite gone, as
far as I can perceive ! nor do I find now any pain
in either. Glory be to God!
May 7, 1794.—I had some encouragement in
prayer last night and this morning; and I was
led to plead that my soul might be filled with the
Spirit, that my tongue, being touched with the
fire of heavenly love, might be enabled to plead
the cause of truth in a different manner to that
which it now doth.
"We have been encouraged in seeing some souls
brought in. G. M., for whom we have long
waited, sometimes with hope, sometimes with
fear, has now found the Lord most clearly. 0
what a change does grace make ! She is indeed
a new creature; and her mouth is open in his
praise who hath brought her out of darkness into
his marvellous light.
June 4.—What answers to prayer have I seen
of late! My gracious Lord seems to count each
hair indeed. When I was at the Dale again last
Sunday, he gave such a liberty in speaking as I
have seldom experienced. The congregation was
very large. As I entered the chapel, the heat
was almost ready to beat me back. When I had
got through to my seat, the sun lay on it, and
there were but a few small openings to admit air.
One of these is by my seat, but I observed no air
come in that way. It appeared as if my voice
must be lost with the heat. I looked to the
Lord, and said, My Father, turn the air this way,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
407
if thou seest good ! The time being come, X
began giving out tbe hymn, and forgot my prayer.
But as I was just ready to faint, such a fine
breath of fresh air came in as quite revived me.
Then I recollected what I had asked. The next
two lines which I had to give out were,
" For our Shepherd and King
Cares much for his sheep."
0 how my heart went with the words, and set to
its seal that they were true ! Contrary to what is
usual with me, I was an hour and three quarters.
My strength held out, and the dear people, though
violently crowded, stood like wax-work; and many
wished the service had been longer.
An affair which perplexed my mind, I find
quite removed by prayer. I can do nothing but
in that way. 0 my Lord, did ever a soul feel
more of that word, Without me ye can do no¬
thing ? But I wait for a revelation of Jesus Christ
in my soul more full and strong than I ever had.
June 10.—While I was this morning speaking
to a backslider, I had such a sight of the narrow
way as greatly animated my soul. I see there is
no way to keep life and communion with God,
but by strictly adhering to the words of St. Paul,
" I am determined to know nothing among you
but Jesus Christ and him crucified." There must
be a shutting the door of the soul against any
thing else : not only sin, but any care or meddling
with what we are not called to attend unto.
August 1.—I feel my health decline. This
very hot summer affects me exceedingly. My
408 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
legs swell greatly, unless constantly bound with
many yards of flannel. I am very weak, and my
breath very short. Yet I am enabled to keep all
my meetings both abroad and at home, and have
found the Lord much with me all the summer in
this respect. He gives me out strength for my
day. Some remarkable providences have hap¬
pened lately. I think them worth preserving.
A short time since a man and his wife, who lived
near some of our good brethren, were by them oft
invited to the preaching that has been lately estab¬
lished in that place; but they turned it off, saying
they had something better to do. When the
Bridgenorth races came on, they were preparing
to go. R. W. then reminded them of their plea
against hearing the word, that (i they must mind
their work, and had something better to do."
But the man said they were determined to go,
and have two good days there. In the first day
he got so heated that on the second he came home
in a fever, and died the day following! How
little did he think, when setting off for the races,
that he had not three days to live!
Another awful judgment was as follows: A
young man was working with brother Williams in
the Forge. He swore in a dreadful manner.
Williams reproved him, urging the destruction
such a conduct would bring upon him. He
turned all into ridicule, saying he was a match
for the devil. Presently after he went to the
alehouse, and got drunk. He then got into a
wagon which was going his way. As he sat on
the side, he fell backwards, and was taken up
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 409
dead! 0, the little day of life, how eminently
precious!
August 14.—Nine years this day my dear love
has been in glory! But I have seen much of
mercy in this time, and have learned more abun¬
dantly to trust in the Lord. All convinces me,
in a deeper and deeper manner, of that truth, All
my ways are in his hand, and he directs my paths.
Though my dear husband seems as dear to me as
ever, yet I can praise the Lord for full resigna¬
tion. Reflecting the other day on the manner I
was affected at the awful season of his death, I
could not but see in it cause of praise. Though
his life or death was the closest thing under the
heaven to me, yet each day and hour of that most
solemn week I could never once ask his life,
without adding, Thy will, thy will be done!
August 22.—I grow very poorly in body. My
tabernacle seems taking down. I feel an almost
constant fever, with great confusion and dizziness
in my head. I can scarcely do any business; and
the writing a letter seems to affect me strangely.
In this state I have been some months, so that
the least exertion wearies me, and gives me pain
all over. Yet when the hour of meeting, whether
of people or children, comes, I am enabled to get
through the duty, and sometimes with uncommon
power ! Glory be to God! My nights also are
very restless, yet I get some sleep, and am not in
any violent pain. My Lord does all things well.
September 12.—This day, if my dear husband
had lived, he would have been sixty-five years
old, and I am fifty-five. I have lived more than
35
410 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
half a century. Lord, to what purpose ? I know
the Lord is still graciously working in my soul.
I feel a more constant going out after God. My
spiritual senses seem more awake, and yet I never
found it harder to pray when on my knees ! The
resistance of principalities $nd powers I have been
made particularly acquainted with. Indeed it is
a narrow way. With regard to outward things,
I see nothing but mercy, miracles of mercy!
Every thing appears so in the hand of God as I
cannot express. Even the smallest occurrence in
my affairs seems directed of God ! I wished, or
rather thought, if the room could be enlarged it
would be a blessing. And now, on account of
the church being taken down, tha wardens, in
order to accommodate the parish, are enlarging.it
for the Sunday service to be there. By this
means the meeting will be enlarged without any
expense to me.*
September 30.—I found this morning, while
at prayer with the family, and with the work¬
people who were taking up the potatoes, that the
Lord was present. I felt him so. At the time
of morning prayer in private, I had also an unu¬
sual liberty. I then had a foreign letter to write,
in which I sensibly felt the help of my gracious
Lord. He rendered some things easy which were
in themselves difficult. 0 Jesus, thou art made
unto us wisdom ! It appears to me, and experi¬
ence confirms it, that it is peculiarly pleasing to
* Henry the Fourth, of France, used to say to his great and
faithful minister, '• Sully, mind my business, and I will mind
yours."—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
411
the Lord that we should look up to him for help
in the least things as freely as the greatest. He
who numbers every hair will lead us as a child is
led by its mother, and carried in her arms over
every difficult path.
December 5.—My soul has been much drawn
out lately to ask a close walk with God : more
brokenness of heart, and a clearer sight of my
utter helplessness. I have found this week that
several souls have been blessed. I seem the only
dry fleece. The Lord has been pleased that I
should suffer some humiliations, which always do
me good; yet he is much with me in speaking in his
name. This morning, as we were rising, Sally
told me what a sweet dream she had in the night.
She thought she was meeting the people, and
while at prayer she was so overwhelmed with the
power of God, and had such a sense of the Divine
Trinity entering into and purifying her soul, that
she said in her heart, This is the baptism of the
Spirit which hath purified my heart from all sin!
And such a light shone in her soul, as seemed to
bear a clear witness thereto. She thought, I will
tell the people, that they may glorify God. Im¬
mediately it was suggested, No, stay till you have
got through the trials which are before you. She
answered, No: I will glorify him now; and in
earnestly pressing the people to seek the same
liberty, she awoke. I can never enough bless
and praise the Lord for the great favor he hath
done me in this dear young woman. She is niece
to my honored friend, Mrs. Kyan; and truly she
partakes of her spirit, and her whole soul seems
412 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
to be engaged in the work. This has been a day
of recollection. I have felt my want, and followed
after God; and I think have found, in some
sense, each thought brought into subjection unto
Christ.
December 24.—Many mercies have I seen of
late. Some circumstances of expense occurred,
and immediately some increase of necessitous
objects followed. I felt this to be a weight.
"When Sally or myself visited the poor, and beheld
great straits, we were sometimes constrained to with¬
hold help, because my calculation would not allow
it, though I had cut off what expense I could,
according to my best light. This I therefore laid
before the Lord, and felt thoroughly content,
either to help or not, as should be most for his
glory. In a few days I received a letter from my
brother, with a proposal so to dispose of a part
of my money as was likely to raise me several
additional pounds this year. One called also and
promised the payment of five guineas, which I
had quite given up for lost. In a variety of little
incidents I have discerned such a guiding hand
of Providence, as hourly confirms the truth of
that word, "The hairs of your head are all
numbered."
April 7, 1795.—Glory be to God! He hath
been working on some souls of late; and I see a
spirit of mighty prayer poured on one in particu¬
lar. Yet it seems as if Satan was striving to
bring hindrances among us. Some things, I fear,
will cause offence : in particular this child, whom
the Lord hath certainly blessed in a wonderful
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
413
manner. Lord, keep out all wrong spirits, I
beseech thee! I know the wisdom of men cannot
comprehend thy work; but let no real enthu¬
siasm enter! Keep us steady and firm, resting
only on the sure foundation.
Some days ago I called on Mrs. Yate.* We
had a close and comfortable conversation. She
told me she had for some months had a very
sweet and solid rest; and all her words in the
class had expressed the same. She had been
long very poorly, but she had strove to bear up
under it without complaint. She now felt her
strength fail, and had an almost continual pain in
her right side. Her peace, however, continued,
and she could leave all to the Lord. She further
observed that she had for some time found such
a full sense of the all-sufficiency of Grod, as she
could not express. Shortly after, as she was one
night lying awake, she felt a powerful application
of that word, " Cast thy burden on the Lord, and
he will sustain thee." In a day or two more she
was confined to her bed, the fever strong, the pain
in her side severe, and often forced to rise in the
bed to breathe. In this situation she had been
several nights; and this morning she has been
confirming to me what she had already observed,
that the Lord kept her every moment. I have
(said she) never found a shadow of impatience.
I can neither eat nor sleep, but I have no desire
* Mrs. Tate was daughter of the late Nathaniel Gilbert, Esq.,
Speaker of the House of Assembly in the island of Antigua. He waa
an intimate friend of Mr. Wesley, and the first preacher of the gos¬
pel to the negroes in the West Indies. He endured that cross, de¬
spising the shame.—Ed.
35*
414 LIFE OF MRS. TLETCHER.
for either. My strength goes fast, but I feel my¬
self perfectly content with all the Lord's dispen¬
sations. I used to feel great fear of death, but I
have not any of it now; and the thought of leav¬
ing my children, whom I so much desire to bring
up for the Lord, use.d to fill me with much pain.
But I feel strangely free, and can with confidence
put them in the Lord's hand, and leave them
there ! Her words were to me refreshing and
animating. I can bear witness what a pattern of
tender conscience and meek submission she has
been. She is now better, and I trust will be
spared to us a little longer.
May 22.—I had a sweet lesson from the Lord
this morning. I was inquiring why I did not hold
the blessing of sanctification more steadily; and
it seemed that the Lord answered me, that it was
because I forgot the observation I have so often
made to the people, of the rattlesnake and the
squirrel, till through fear she drops into his
mouth.* So when my soul is striving to abide
in Jesus, under some peculiar trials, a temptation
to discouragement presents itself: I look at it and
grow discouraged. Instead of that, I ought "to
reckon myself dead unto sin, and alive unto right¬
eousness." In so doing I should "resist the devil,
who would soon flee from me." Also, I clearly
saw that I should watch in conversation, and
never contradict, unless for conscience' sake; re¬
membering that command, "Let your gentleness
be known unto all men," as carrying that con¬
sciousness, " The Lord is at hand."
* The illustration is good, whatever becomes of the fact.—Ed.
LIPE OP MRS. PLETCHER. 415
June 24.—Glory be to God! I have experi¬
enced many very particular answers to prayer of
late. For some time past I saw^it the call of God
that I should go out every Sunday to the Wood
and Dale alternately for a time. I feared the
heat of the houses, but the Lord took care for
that. If the weather was ever so hot in the week,
it was always cool on the Sabbath. Blessed be
the Lord, he "was with us of a truth, and I ex¬
perienced both inward and outward help beyond
my expectation.
August 14.—Ten years this day I have been a
widow. Last night I found liberty in pleading
with .the Lord for the fulfilment of my dear love's
last prayer, " Head of the Church, be head to my
wife;" and this day I have been renewing my
covenant with the Lord to be wholly at his dis¬
posal. To abandon my whole self, body, soul, and
spirit, with every concern for time and eternity,
into his hand. Often I have done this, but on
this day I peculiarly love to renew the solemn de¬
dication. I have found a deeper view than ever
into the sinfulness of sin—I mean, what an
aggravated burden my sins added to the sufferings
of my Redeemer! Those words, " Ye are not
your own, ye are bought with a price," were im¬
pressed on my mind. Then I thought on that
word also, " They to whom much is forgiven, shall
love much;" and I had some power to claim that
abundant love my spirit so pants after. But I
discerned so many blemishes in all I have done,
said, or thought, that I was forced to look
to my great Sacrifice. There I could see infinite
416 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
perfection. "It pleased the Father, tjiat in him
should all fulness dwell." Casting my eyes on
the Bible open before me, it presented the cure
of Naaman. I was led from that to consider, how
easy it was with the Lord to perform as perfect a
cure on my soul as on Naaman's body!
September 12.—Had a good time this morning
in prayer. Afterward, in reading the account of
Prudence Williams, (Magazine, vol. xii.,) I was
much struck to think how the power of God was
seen in her great salvation. In the bloom of
youth—a good husband, whom she had been
happy with for one year—a fine boy likely to live—
affectionate relations—every thing to hold her
here; and yet with what noble freedom did she
leave all, preferring her heavenly Beloved to every
earthly joy! It brought to my mind a word
given me the other day in prayer, The glory of
the Lord shall arise upon them, and his glory shall
be seen upon them. This day I am fifty-six. 0
Lord, how little of thy glory has been yet seen
upon me ! 0, let my remaining life be spent to
thy praise!
21.—We began the Monday meetings again
this morning, which had been stopped a few
weeks on account of the women being in the har¬
vest. Blessed be God, they have not lost as much
as I feared they would. In this the Lord hath
heard prayer indeed. B. T. spoke sweetly: her
words animated my soul. And B. B. observed
in a very lively manner, what a difference she
found between this and former harvests, and
plainly described the fruit of the new creature.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
417
She was astonished to think what unthankfulness
she used to feel. But, said she, every bit I pick¬
ed up this year, seemed so to come from the Lord!
and her heart overflowed with praise and thanks¬
giving. Poor Jane also gave good proof of a
mighty change, though a few months ago an open
sinner!
October 8.—The Lord has been in a very par¬
ticular way showing me the depth of iniquity
which hath been in all my life.* 0, what a
scene! the heights of folly, and the depths of
selfishness! What did my Jesus bear for me!
Yes, he hath borne it all. He hath made a full
and perfect sacrifice for me ! I can come to him
as my full atonement. But I cannot bring him
that glory I would, without a fuller change. I
seem to have a hold of God more fifm and stead¬
fast, and a great expectation from his mere mercy.
He hath done the work indeed for me, and I be¬
lieve he will do it in me. So I shall become the
" little child, to whom it is the Father's good
pleasure to give the kingdom."
Last night our tickets were renewed. It was
a very solemn time. We had four new members.
M. Baldwin preached on, "Are there few that be
saved ?" He showed how, out of a company of
* What a mystery i3 this unveiling of the human heart, to the
self-satisfied, self-righteous world! When God discovers to his
children, (for to none else can it be discovered,) " by his holy law
written in their hearts," not only the iniquity that is manifest there,
but all that their hearts are " capable of;" this is a scene indeed!
Let those to whom these discoveries are made, take heed that
" their faith fail not." " The blood of the covenant,"and " the great
and precious promises," will fully reach their case. This discovery
is a needful preparation, in order to their being "cleansed, by faith,
from all unrighteousness."—Ed.
418
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
professors, few might be truly in the "narrow
way"—that it called for the full exertion of all
our powers, that we may " enter in at the strait
gate." I found it a very sweet season. After¬
ward, while he met the men's class, Mrs. Walter
and I had a comfortable conversation on holiness}
and as I was speaking to her, 0, how did I see
all depended on having the mind stayed on Jesus !
That our one business is, to look at him, our com¬
plete Saviour.
Tuesday, November 10.—I awaked this morn¬
ing with, these words:
" To keep your armor bright,
Attend with constant care,
For ever walking in his sight,
And watching unto prayer."
At my time of prayer, I found a cry in my soul
that I might do so. When pleading for the peo¬
ple and the work, that it might be carried on in
any way the Lord sees good, I felt my mind di¬
vested of any choice. Some slighting things had
been said of late by one with whom I have taken
much pains, as if he could now do far better than
his teachers! I brought this to the Lord} and
felt my soul quite willing to be hid and covered
in all he called me to, qr blessed in me; and
my heart sprang with joy at the idea of his Spirit
being poured out through any channel. As I was
thus hiding myself in Jesus, and enjoying the
slighting things thrown out, on what I think a
sweet revival which we have had of late, I felt
what I know not how to describe,—I saw myself
as espoused to Jesus my husband, and con-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 419
sequently one in interest with him. Before I was
aware, I cried oiit, If thou art glorified, I am glori¬
fied ! _ Struck at my own words, I stopped ; when
it came to me with much power, " They that are
joined to the Lord are one spirit/'' It also fol¬
lowed, They that partake of my humiliations shall
partake of my glory. 0 how willing did my spirit
feel to wait for that day) and such a sight was
opened before me of the great blessing of being
nothing in the eyes of man, as I can better feel
than write.
Last night at the meeting we had a great con¬
gregation, and, blessed be God, I felt liberty.
Two more notes of thanksgiving were presented
for spiritual blessings received. When I came
out, a person desired to speak with me. She gave
me a blessed account how the Lord had given her
the full assurance of peace and pardnn; and M.
D., who came in with her, appears to be sinking
much deeper into God. Glory be to his holy
name! Many of late are thus brought in, and
several are either seeking the great blessing, or
do "love the Lord with all their heart."
November 12.—A solemn sense of the mercies
received in these last fourteen years, has deeply
sunk into my soul. How different was my state
this day fourteen years, when I first became a
wife ! How tossed was my mind with a thousand
fears, not yet fully knowing the "angel of the
Church" to whom I was joined ; and also encum¬
bered with various difficulties. But now this night
there is not one clog left! What a marvellous
change! My dear love's blessing does rest
420 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
upon me! The Head of the Church is indeed
my head; and mercy with overflowing goodness
does follow me all the day long. And with re¬
spect to the work—O my God ! Thou didst not
call us to have children according to the flesh;
but what an accomplishment do I see of those
words, " Thy sons shall come from afar, and thy
daughters shall be nursed at thy side." Yes, I
see them coming on every hand,
"Better than daughters, or than sons,
Temples Divine of living stones,
Inscribed with Jesus' name!"
According to my usual custom on my wedding-
day, I have been renewing my covenant to be all
the Lord's; and beseeching him to possess every
thought, and to reveal himself more abundantly
to my soul. May I from this moment be all ac¬
tivity in following hard after God! I am filled
with blessings; 0 that I may be filled with the
spirit of praise!
Monday, December 21.—Yesterday was a fati¬
guing day to the flesh, but I trust the Lord was
glorified among us. In the morning I awoke
about two, and being afraid to lose the early op¬
portunities, I could hardly sleep afterward. Be¬
tween four and five I rose, but was so poorly, I
could but think, and offer up my soul in prayer.
At the nine o'clock meeting I found the Lord
was with us. At half after ten, (as Mr. Walter
was from home,) I had to meet the congregation.
For an hour and three-quarters I felt much free¬
dom, and some life in speaking, singing, and
prayer. In the otner meeting, (when Sally had
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 421
taken that of the two o'clock, in which she had a
great company and much of the power of Giod,)
I spoke to about twenty young beginners; and,
blessed he the Lord, they came forward. A com¬
pany at tea, and a private meeting in the evening,
seemed to break me down. Between six and
seven I retired, and for an hour and ft half my
soul was refreshed by being enabled to look, by
faith, to my adorable Surety now " at the right
hand of the Majesty on high," fully set free from
all my sins wherewith he had charged himself.
I saw him " delivered to death for my transgres¬
sions, and raised again for my justification." I
had a sweet view how the believer, though weak
and feeble, continued thus free. The Saviour
" bears the iniquity of our holy things." How
true, how sweet is that word, " If thou canst be¬
lieve, all things are possible!" Yes, he hath
said, " He that cometh unto me, I will in no wise
cast out." My soul rested on his satisfaction
with peaceful enjoyment, and I fed on those
words of the prophet, "And he shall build the
temple of the Lord." Yes, I depend on thee,
" my Priest, my Atonement, my Intercessor :" I
depend on thee alone to make my soul and body
"the living temple of the Holy Ghost."
January 4, 1796.—This year has begun with a
solemn sense of eternity on my soul. On the first
day we had the covenant with peculiar solemnity,
and many were blessed. On the third Mr. Wal¬
ter preached in my room on, " Cut it down, why
cumbereth it the ground ?" It was a precious
time.
36
422
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
January 5.—This day I have been fourteen
years in Madeley. It seems but as yesterday.
What crucifying scenes have I passed through!
Yet not one too much. No, my adorable Lord,
thou hast done all things well!
April 27.—Reading a little diary of dear Mrs.
Yate has been as marrow and fatness to my soul.
It searched me deeply. 0 how much earnest
agonizing do I discern in her soul! And yet she
is ever complaining of sloth. 0 my Lord, what
am I ? Yet I feel the Lord does keep me more
steadily looking to himself. But I do not get
into the full rest I want, every moment feeling an
all-sufficient God.
Tuesday, May 11.—These words were powerful:
They that wait on the Lord shall renew their
strength. But I did not continue on my diligent
watch. Some useless thoughts crept in; and
though I have been striving most of the day, I
seem as if I could not feel as I did yesterday. 0
Lord, heal me ! Thou knowest my unfaithfulness,
and thou alone canst make me what thou wouldst
have me to be. A circumstance occurred yester¬
day which I found good. One who came to me
told me some things that had been said, which to
nature would be grating, and once would have
been a great trial. But I found power to em¬
brace the humiliation, and could share with joy
his lot who was "counted a worm, and no man;
the scorn of men, and the reproach of the people."
Considering my various complaints, I see death
not far off, and it seems my business, and one
concern, to bend all my thoughts that way. 0,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
423
to awake up after his likeness! Lord, get thy¬
self glory on me! I pant to be all like thee !
June 10.—Last night for some hours I could
riot sleep, having much fever. But I found it a
good time of pleading with the Lord, that he
would glorify himself on me. I pleaded that
blessed word, "They who have much forgiven
shall love much."
December 31.—Another year is almost at an
end. How is my soul ? Lord, what have I
gained this year ? I feel more liberty in prayer,
more hunger and thirst after God; yet only in a
small advance to what I would be. I feel an un¬
speakable nearness to eternity, and a deep sense
of its importance. 0 that I may live to God as I
have never yet done! This morning, pleading
that word, " Whatsoever ye ask in my name, I
will do it," I felt my confidence increase, and can
firmly rely on the word of the Lord. I did, and
do now, ask such a state of soul as will most
glorify my Lord. I ask to dwell in love. It
appears to me there can be no witness equal to
this. When I dwell, constantly dwell, in the
element of love, there can be no room for a doubt.
But my hindrance from entering fully into this
state, is the want of looking every moment to
Jesus. I am sensible I should grow fast if I un¬
remittingly kept my eye fixed on him. But
since I have more ardently desired this, it seems
as if all hell opposed it,* and, as it were, forced
* ,The devil knows it is the very thing that will overcome him.
It is this alone that will deliver us from that worldly spirit which
is the element in which he works. Every thing is little compared
to this faith.—Ed.
424
life of mrs. fletcher.
away my mind, or brought black clouds between
me and my views of heaven. Yet will I perse¬
vere ; yea, I will hang upon thy word, believing
the cloudless day shall come.
January 4, 1797.—Much comfort I have had
in meeting the Tuesday class in the morning.
They almost every one seem to have renewed their
vigor with the new year. 0, how did they praise
God, saying they had never known such a Christ¬
mas ! Several of these were, a few months since,
strong in the devil's service. They are now re¬
joicing in the Lord ! But poor C. D.—nothing
could comfort him. He seemed locked up in
dark despair, till at the covenant on Sunday night
the Lord set him at liberty. On Tuesday night,
while he was speaking, how did my heart leap
for joy! 0, what an answer to prayer! On
Wednesday morning the meeting was also very
lively, and several seem to have begun the new year
in the most solemn spirit of prayer. How many of
these likewise were a few months ago dark sinners !
0 Lord, we hope to see more and more of thy power
among jus.
March 20.—"Gracious is the Lord, and mer¬
ciful." 0, how much of his faithfulness have I
seen of late ! More and more do I discover how
he orders all for us. Some affairs of late have
threatened distress to the nation, and loss to me.
But the tender care and wise disposal of the
Lord was so set before me, that I was enabled to
praise him as I could not have "done had fnot
these things occurred. And he made me to
know in the end, that he does indeed make a
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 425
hedge about me, and all concerning me. 0,
what a treasure do I see in those words, "I will
be your God, and you shall be my sons and
daughters, saith the Lord Almighty V'
April 1.—For some days my soul has been
keenly tried by an accusation of the enemy, on
account of a former transaction in which it was
represented I had injured my neighbor. I cried
to the Lord to make it plain if it were so, for he
knew it would be the very joy of my heart to
make amends. Yet I had reason to think it was
a snare of Satan, because when my soul was most
drawn out in prayer, it came as a fiery dart that
I must first inquire into, and set that matter
right, before I could expect a blessing—though
it was not possible at that time to do any thing.
And so it proved. But it seemed whenever the
accusation came, immediately some word of the
Lord, or some plain answer, presented Itself to
my mind. During this trial, which was very
painful, 0 what a view I had of my state by
nature ! What depths of pride, folly, and all
kinds of evil, were apparent from my infancy!
I cannot express what I saw and felt; but I
carried it all to the Lord, and every view, as it
came before me, seemed to have the effect of
driving me more to the bosom of my God.
April 8.—After the trial already mentioned, I
have found a stronger faith, and more firm reli¬
ance on the Lord Jesus; and one day reading
that passage in Job xxii., which has so often been
applied with power to my heart, I felt it more
than ever so; and looking to some of the mar-
36*
426 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
ginal references in the great Bible, a sweet light
shone into my soul. Meditating on that verse,
"Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Al¬
mighty, and shalt lift up thy face unto God," I
turned to the reference, Job xi. 15, "For then
shalt thou lift up thy face without spot ; yea,
thou shalt be steadfast, and shalt not fear; be¬
cause thou shalt forget thy misery, and remember
it as waters that pass away. And thine age shall
be clearer than the noonday. Thou shalt shine
forth, thou shalt be as the morning; and thou
shalt be secure, because there is hope. Yea,
thou shalt dig about thee, and thou shalt take
thy rest in safety. Also thou shalt lie down,
and none shall make thee afraid. Yea, many
shall make suit unto thee/' In how. many par¬
ticulars is this already accomplished ! But that
word, " Thine age shall be clearer than noonday,"
(in the margin, Shall arise above the noon,) was
powerfully applied; which gave me to discern a
prospect that my old age shall be favored with a
far closer communion than my noon was. 0 my
Lord, I see the dawn, but I wait for the Sun of
righteousness fully to arise on my soul.
April 18.—Mrs. Walter's death has been much
blessed to me. Had I such sufferings to go
through, 0 my God! I could not bring glory to
thy cause by patience as she did, unless thou
gavest me a fuller change. From the first of her
coming to Madeley, I observed in her an earnest
upright desire of living to God. As soon as she
knew of our private meetings, she inquired into
the nature of them, and begged to be admitted
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
427
as a member; ever stowing by her whole car¬
riage that the language of her heart was,
" Numbered with them may I be
Here, and in eternity."
She had experienced the pardoning love of
God before she came into Shropshire in a very
clear manner, and often felt a wish her lot might
be cast among some people who walked closer
with God than any she had yet seen. And when
her husband became curate of this parish, she
felt a strong impression that her prayer was about
to be answered. She loved her children tenderly,
and was exemplary in her care both of them and
of her household. She had many conflicts with
the evil of her heart, yet often telling me what
sweet returns she felt in private prayer; in the
practice of which duty she was truly vigilant.
She longed for the day when she should find
those words verified in her soul—
"No anger mayst thou ever find,
No pride in my unruffled mind,
But love, and heaven-born peace be there."
For some weeks, when near the hour of na¬
ture's sorrow, she was most sweetly carried on,
often declaring she could feel no fear, for the
Lord poured in his precious promises, and so
filled her with his consolations as to keep her
mind in perfect peace; assured from his own
mouth, He would make all her bed in her sick¬
ness.
On Saturday, March the 4th, she was seized
with a violent shivering. Then the enemy came
in as a flood, with that thought, that she must
428
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
die and leave her dear children. This conflict
was severe; but she was enabled, as.a true daugh¬
ter of Abraham, to overcome. From this season
her will appeared to be entirely lost in that of
God. The next day she was delivered of a
child, which died the same night; and soon after
she proved to be in a strong fever. Her suffer¬
ings were great and long, as she lived to the
twenty-first day after her seizure. But she was a
pattern of patience and thankfulness. What
adds to both her and our trial was, the inflamma¬
tion lay so on her lungs that we could scarce
understand any thing she said. But in this trial
also she showed no impatience; and when a blis¬
ter was brought for her back, (by which she had
formerly suffered much,) she looked on it some
moments, and said, My dear Saviour gave his
back to the smiters, and so will I. She con¬
stantly declared the Lord was with her; and one
day, when my Sally reminded her of that promise,
that "the Lord would make all her bed in her.
sickness/' she answered, " He doth ! he doth !■'
On the Tuesday she told me with tears of love and
praise, how very sweet those words had been to
her—
"All thine afflictions my glory shall raise,
And the deeper thy sorrows, the louder thy praise!"
Twice she had a sweet view of the invisible
world, and the attendance of many of the heaven¬
ly hosts. Of this she would no doubt have told
us much, but we could understand but little of
her speech. One time, as she was saying, " Hard
work, hard work/' Mrs. Purton (who was almost
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER,. 429
constantly "with her) said, "What is hard work ?"
She replied, " To leave the dear children. But
the Lord says, Leave thy children to me, I will
preserve them!" Inquiring one day how she
found her mind, her answer was, "I have no will:
it seems all lost in God. If he were to give me
my choice, I do not know whether to choose life
or death. But if the Lord should raise me, I
am determined to live more to God than ever,
and above all, to be more faithful in private
prayer." The last night Mrs. Yate said, Is your
mind as calm as ever? She replied, "Quite so."
And is Jesus as preciously present as he hath
been all along ? Her answer was, " More so than
ever." On Friday, March 24, 1797, she ap¬
peared to be just going about eleven o'clock;
breathing very hard, as she had done some hours.
We went to prayer, and found the Lord very
present; after which, as I was looking on her, I
repeated,
"A convoy attends—
A ministering host of invisible friends!
Ready winged for the flight to the regions of light,
The horses are come,
The chariot of Israel to carry thee home!"
And in a few moments her happy spirit left this
vale of tears, to mingle with the blaze of day I
She was in her thirty-third year. Her disorder
wa& such as called for a very uncommon degree
of attention and care. And 0, how did we see
the faithfulness of God! Such friends were
raised, and such helps given in the hour of need,
as made us say in truth, He counts our every
430 £IFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
hair ! My Sally was enabled to be a great comfort
to her, and oft did she express it. One day,
looking earnestly on me, she said, "I have a deal
to tell you, but I cannot speak it." When we
meet above, she will perhaps tell me of some
glorious views, and Divine consolations, where¬
with she was favored, though she could not utter
them here.
June 8.—My faith seems increasing. I have
clearer views of the fulness of the Saviour, and
of the unbounded privilege of believing. Many
have observed, "You have what you believed for,
and some have made bad use of that privilege,
not understanding what it is truly to believe."
But it is still a great truth, "Whatsoever ye ask
Gn prayer, believing, you receive. God speaks
of the things that are not, as though they were."
So does faith. It sees the blessing of sanctifica-
tion, and takes hold of the promise, and cries,
Through Christ it is mine ! I am not in full pos¬
session; yet, like a man that has an estate left
him, he claims it as his own; and, though op¬
posed, struggles to get into the possession, and
does not quit his claim, though often repulsed by
him who unlawfully pretends to the right. The
believing soul says, It is the will of God that I
should feel evil no more—that is, I should no
more let it in, however tempted. It is his will I
should always conquer. My Lord .tells me in his
word, "This is the victory by which we overcome,
even our faith." I must therefore use my weak
faith, that it may grow stronger, which it certainly
does by use. I must hold fast that strong rock.
LIEE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 481
First, "Jesus hatli borne all my sins in his own
body on the tree;" therefore they are atoned for,
and the atonement is mine by believing. Sec¬
ondly, " Christ is made unto me, of the Father,
sanctification." He hath by his one offering per¬
fected the whole work needful for the purification
of the heart, and this is mine also by believing.
He hath received the Holy Spirit to pour it out
on his Church—therefore it is mine, as far as I
can believe, and so unite my soul by faith to God.
Abiding in him, I am so far sanctified; and by
the exercise of this hope, the soul is said (by St.
John) to purify itself even as God is pure. Not
in degree, but in becoming of one nature. The
light of the candle is fire, as really as the sun.
So it may be said that little flame is as the sun :
both are of one nature. The promise of the
baptism of the Spirit is to me. I claim it. Yea,
and my dear Lord hath told me, '" Thou shalt
walk with me in white. I will thoroughly purge
away thy dross, and take away all thy tin." I
believe it is his will to do it this moment, but the
way he hath appointed is faith: that is the ap¬
pointed channel. " By grace are ye saved through
faith." Now as far as faith can lay hold, I have
it, and no farther. This is " the secret of the
Lord, which is with those that fear him." They
turn to Jesus, and find all in him. It is impos¬
sible to stand one moment in any state, but by
union with the Saviour—as the Lord says by
Isaiah, "Without me ye shall bow down among
the prisoners." And the Saviour, "Without me
ye can do nothing."
432 LIFE OF 31RS. FLETCHER.
As I was at prayer this morning, my spirit
was dissipated, and could not get near to the
Lord.* While I waited before him, I felt those
words applied, "To he spiritually-minded is life
and peace." I discerned such a light in the
words as I never did before. One of my greatest
conflicts has been with idle thoughts about doing
that good which is not in my power. I remem¬
ber an observation greatly blessed to me on this
head, by a good man now in eternity: "Thoughts
are of two kinds—either the reptile or the winged
kind. Either they crawl on earth, as the reptile,
or rise to heaven as on wings." This idea has
been often blessed to me. But this morning I
had such a clear view into the blessing of keep¬
ing the mind occupied on spiritual things as en¬
couraged me much. I now feel the power of it:
to be spiritually-minded is life and peace.
November 6.—Blessed he the Lord, I feel him
at work in my soul. He hath brought me into a
narrow path; and I find his faithful Spirit reproves
me many times a day. 0 the need I feel of
watchfulness 1 I have prayed many times for a
tender conscience, quick as the apple of an eye,
and in a measure I feel it so. But I want so to
put on the Lord Jesus, that my God may look
and love his image there." I feel a sweet love
to, and rest in, the will of God, even in those
things which come nearest to my heart. But there
is a close communion — an intercourse—which
* How little the most edifying reasonings avail when faith is not
in exercise.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 433
I have not: Lord, take away whatever stands be¬
tween !
An observation of a spiritual writer was last
night very profitable to me. He says, " The soul
who would come to the Lord, and be filled with
the Holy Ghost, must begin by believing .in
Christ as Mediator. But he must force himself
to that which is good, however his heart may be
set against it. He should force himself to take
insults and humiliations for the Lord's sake as
with joy j and to exert a liberty in prayer, speak¬
ing to the Lord as if he had it. Above all, let
him force himself to an assurance of the favor of
God j* and shortly the Spirit of God will come
upon him, and enable him to do all those things
freely, from a pure nature within, which now he
does by force. But never let him quit his hope,
for then sin gains ground. But while a man
retains his hope in God, sin dies away." I felt a
sweet power all the time of my reading; and that
word, that we should " force ourselves to assur¬
ance in God's love," was life to my soul. It is
always a blessing to me when I resist discourage¬
ments to faith.
December 19.—This is the day set apart for a
national thanksgiving, on account of the victory
gained at sea over our enemies. Blessed be the
Lord, he hath hitherto preserved us. But clouds
yet hang over our heads. Lord, teach our sena¬
tors wisdom ! Bless our good king, and guide
* That is, he should resolutely believe that the general declara¬
tions of good-will, made by the Lord to the human race, belong to
him.—Ed.
37
434 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
him in every thing, that he may take such mea¬
sures as shall tend to unite the hearts of his sub¬
jects !
We have had several deaths lately around
about us. Some of them our own people. That
blessed woman, Mary Barnard, is one. She died
Very happy, declaring to the last that the cove¬
nant was signed and sealed with the Lord, and
she was his by a marriage-bond. She set to her
seal, that " the blood of Jesus Christ had cleansed
her from all sin." She had known the pure love
of God many years. Another was our neighbor,
W. Weston, who endured a long and heavy afflic¬
tion with much patience. Sally often visited
him, it being too far for me. The night before
he died, she was with him: on her return she
gave me the following account: "My soul did'
praise the Lord to hear him declare the love of
Jesus, saying, '0, he is precious to my soul!'
On my asking him, Hath the Lord often visited
you since I was with you last ? He answered,
' Yes, many, many times. God hath heard prayer
for me indeed, and now I long to die.' We
seemed to enjoy a little heaven together, while
conversing of many of our dear friends now in
glory, ready to welcome him there. I reminded
him of the observation which my dear master
made in one of his letters from abroad, that perhaps
he might (if he should not live to return to Eng¬
land) be permitted to accompany the ministering
angels, who should be sent to convey the spirits
of his dear parishioners into glory! He seemed
to delight in the thought! I observed, You are
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
435
going now, and I trust, by tbe grace of God, I
shall be enabled to fight my passage through, and
then we shall meet on Sion's happy shore, there
to praise our dear Lord together. Smiling he
answered, ' We shall, we shall/ I read those two
hymns, 'Come let us join our friends above, who
have obtained the prize/ and, ' How happy every
child of grace, who knows his sins forgiven/
After conversing some time, I repeated those
lines—
'For you is prepared the angelic guard:
A convoy attends—
A ministering host of invisible friends—
Ready-winged for their flight to the regions of light,
The horses are come,
The chariot of Israel to carry you home!'
He stretched out both his arms, looking upward,
as with eager desire, and cried out, '0, I am
longing for that convoy to come for me !' I took
my leave of him, saying, I shall see you no more
here; but it will not be long before we meet
above. And I pray the Lord may be with you
in the dark valley, and sweetly support you with
his presence. He caught hold of my hand, and
said, ' Farewell! G-od bless you for ever, and
dear Mrs. Fletcher. Tell her I thank her for all
her kindness to me; but above all, for the prayers
she hath offered for me. They have done me
much good, more good than my own. May God
bless her and bless you both for ever !'" Some
others also the Lord hath taken to his bosom, and
among them, one out of my own little household.
Poor "dear Martha Clark, who had lived with me
436 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
eight years, being ill, left roe last August, to try
if her native air would restore her. One letter I
received from her. In it she said, her mind was
in peace, stayed on the Lord. Not long after,
she dreamed she had returned, and that on open¬
ing our back door, she saw the Lord Jesus all in
white; who told her he had brought the chariot
for her. In the morning she said to her brother
she should die soon, for the chariot of Israel was
come for her. And so she did on October the
sixteenth, I believe, suddenly. She often re¬
peated that verse of the hymn, " For you is pre¬
pared the angelic guard," etc. And frequently
would be saying, "When will the chariot come
for me ?" How solemn is the thought! My
family is partly in paradise and partly on earth.
On earth I have none but my dear child Sally •
but above I have many. Blessed be God for that
word, "We shall be gathered to our people."
Martha Clark was one who so walked as truly to
"adorn the gospel." While in my house, I do
not know there was ever one thing I wished her
to put away, or to do, but she immediately com¬
plied therewith. In nothing was she worldly-
minded, but often was ready to refuse any little
addition to her wages, when I saw it right
to give it to her. She was in many respects
truly a pattern of sobriety of mind, and of a
quiet spirit.
January 4, 1798.—At the watch-night, held
the last evening of the year, I was sensible of a
deepening of the conviction which I had for
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 437
some days felt, of the littleness of my grace. In
this spirit I began this new year. I do certainly
feel God hath done me good in the last; but I see
as I never did, the need of a far deeper work, a
faith at all times lively and vigorous. I have not
such a perfect conquest over my thoughts as I
must have to cause a continual sense of the Al¬
mighty. I am not always faithful in resisting, if
the thought does not appear to be evil. Since
the first day of this year, I have more power to
watch : Lord, stand by me ! Some observing to
me, they could not find as much profit from my
words and prayers as they did from Sally's, and
wondering at it,* I thought, It is no wonder; for
I have not such a degree of the Spirit as she has.
But I will bless thee, 0 Lord, that I am permitted
to make her way; and will with pleasure do more
of the little things of the house, that, she may
have more leisure to carry thy truth about among
souls. She is a faithful follower of the Lamb,
and though she has been my orphan to bring up,
I now desire to tread in her steps. >
September 12.—Fifty-nine years this day have
I seen the light of this world; but never did I
see eternal things more important than at this
hour. I am led to live one moment at a time,
offering up my whole self to the will of God, to
be purified by his Divine influence: to be just
what he would have me to be. Lord, get thyself
glory on my soul. I bad some humbling thoughts
* They are not to be commended who spoke thus; nor was Mrs.
Fletcher's consequent resolution, though admirable, wholly with¬
out danger to the young woman.—Ed.
37*
438 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
concerning my dear husband. How much more
comfort I might have yielded him, often presses
hard on my mind. " 0, I have much forgiven,
let me love much !"
Some years ago I was much struck with that
observation of Mr. Bridges, "Where God designs
to confer a great blessing, he frequently puts a
sentence of death on the means that seem to lead
thereto : as in the case of Abraham and Sarah."
I am sure it has been so with me in various in¬
stances. At twenty-four I had a plentiful for¬
tune, but all seemed lost. Yet God said in my
heart, " Thou shalt lend, and not borrow." I
was, however, at that time borrowing of many,
my own money being in estates. I feared I
should not at last pay all; therefore, for fear of
deception, I spoke freely to several of my losses,
and especially to those whose money I had on in¬
terest. Many said, "Depend upon it she is not
worth ten pounds, for every one makes the best
they can of their affairs." Such a sentence of
death seemed to come over all my worldly affairs!
And yet, when God's time came, how did all turn
about! Now it may be asked, Why does God
take this away? Mr. Bridges gives a sweet
answer, "God gives, his blessings in that manner
which shall most show that he is God." Now
had my fortune remained unlessened, as it came
from my parents, I should not have so clearly
seen the hand of God. But, like Joseph, we
must sometimes be sold into Egypt, in order to
have our promises fulfilled, of becoming " the
sheaf lifted up." Of late I have feared lest I
LIFE OP MRS. PLETCHER. 439
should look to my plenty more than I ought, and
not live by faith. Perhaps to prevent that the
Lord hath taken this thirty pounds in France, and
fifty pounds per annum in Switzerland ;* and yet
I feel no lack.
November 15.—Last Monday, the 12th, was a
solemn day to me. That day seventeen years
(and on a Monday) my dear husband and I were
made one before men. We were before made one
in the Lord. 0 that my spirit could more par-
take of what he feels in glory! I have no doubt
that an eternal growth belongs to happy spirits;
and sometimes I think he has so long got the
start of me, and was so much before me even
here, that I fear I shall not be in one tribe with
him above. Well, I feel the will and order of
God is right, let my mansion be where it will.
If Jesus is glorified, I know I shall delight in
that.
November 21.—What an awful time do we
live in ! This Irish rebellion has occasioned the
death of thousands. To what distress also are
numbers reduced, stripped of all they have, their
houses burned, and themselves forced to flee for
their lives! But many of our people have been
remarkably preserved. I have not yet heard of
one of them who has not escaped, though often as
by miracle ! When I look on these things, I think
how different is my situation ! I am lost in won¬
der, love, and praise! 0 my God, here ' I sit
* Lost by the invasion of the French.—Ed.
440
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
under my own vine and fig tree, filled with every
good thing ! Plenty of money for all I want, and
some to spare. I say, when I look at these things,
I am astonished at the tender mercy of God; and
encouraged to believe that he, who thus graciously
deals with my poor dying body, will answer every
prayer for my soul. Last night I seemed, almost
the whole of it, to hear and repeat with sweet
power these words:
" Still, 0 my soul, prolong
The never-ceasing song,
Christ, my hope, my joy, my theme:
His be all my happy days!
Bow my every power to him,
Every thought be spent in praise!"
When I awoke I could not say it—I could not
even begin! But no sooner did I drop asleep
again, than it flowed as it were out of my heart
and lips!
. January 15, 1799.—I have found the begin¬
ning of this year a very solemn season. 0 that I
may feel, in the course of it, what I have never
before felt! On Christmas eve the Scriptures
which I read in the meeting were the first and
second chapters of Luke ; and it seemed to many
of us as if we were with Zacharias in the temple,
with Mary when the angel Gabriel came to her,
with the shepherds in the field, and, above all,
with the little company in the stable in Bethle¬
hem, hearing the shepherds relate their vision,
and Joseph and Mary confirming their faith by a
relation of all the wonderful things they had
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 441
seen and heard ! Our hearts exulted also with
Simeon and Anna in the temple ;* and my soul
was led to cry aloud, that all who waited for salva¬
tion in Madeley should behold my Saviour!
I was able to go out on Christmas day, but I
was ill the rest of the week. On the first day of
this year, in the evening, we had a full meeting,
and the Lord was with us. We then considered
a few questions which had been brought to
nay mind for that purpose. First, Has this last
year been a year of prayer? Have my prayers
been serious, fervent, and recollected? Or have
I drawn near to God with my lips, while my heart
was far from him? Secondly, Have I watched
my thoughts, and been much in holy ejaculations?
Thirdly, Have I been thankful for mercies re¬
ceived, and attentive to observe deliverances and
answers to prayer, remembering that word, " He
that offereth me praise, he honoreth me?"
Fourthly, Do I feel a deep sense of sin ? Do
I loathe my sinful self, and cry often, Lord,
" cleanse me from my secret faults ?" Fifthly,
Am I deeply conscious that the root of all sin is
in having lost God, and found self in his place ?
* A genuine instance of true faith in ordinary life and duty.
Faith, says St. Paul, is the evidence of things not seen : that is, of
the unseen things which God hath revealed, and of which the Holy
Scriptures are the record. These things (events, discoveries, de¬
clarations, promises, threatenings) are either past, future, or spi¬
ritual, and therefore not the objects of sight. This evidence (£Aey-
X°c) gives to these unseen things of God a present subsistence.
Hence this faith is said to be mighty through God, to work by
love, to purify the heart, and to overcome the world. As this evi¬
dence is more or less clear and constant, so is the victory, and so
is the consequent holiness: the righteousness, peace, and joy.
Lord, increase our faith!—Ed.
442
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
And do I continually see holiness to consist in,
the being sunk into my own nothingness, that
God alone may be exalted in my soul? Sixthly,
Does my faith increase? Do I come more freely
to a crucified Saviour, seeking all my salvation in
and through him alone ? Seventhly, Do I keep
hold of every promise given me, as I would of a
purse of gold, knowing it will be good another
day ? Do I so look for the fulfilling of those given
me long since, pleading that prayer, " Lord,
accomplish the word on which thou hast made me
to hope ?"
As to my outward walk, Have I watched over
my tongue? David says, in Psalm xxxix., "I
will take heed to my ways, that I offend not with
my tongue. I will keep my mouth as with a
bridle, while the wicked are in my sight." You
who work among the ungodly, do you do so?
Those words of St. James are very important:
"My brethren, be ye swift to hear and slow to
speak." And in the third chapter he calls the
tongue " a world of iniquity, set on fire of hell, and
setting on fire the whole course of nature." Se¬
condly, Have I watched over my appetites? Has
my table been that of a Christian, or that 0/ a
beast? A beast only seeks to feed; but a Chris¬
tian should make his table an act of devotion.
"Whether ye eat or drink," says St. Paul, "or
whatsoever ye do, do all in the name and to the
glory of God." Now this may be done in three
ways. First, Some little act of self-denial should
accompany each meal, as a check to intemperance.
Ask yourself after each meal, In what have I
LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER. 443
denied myself this time? Secondly, Your table
should be a time of godly conversation if with
others; of meditation, if alone. Thirdly, These
blessings should raise your heart to thankful glad¬
ness, and increase your faith in that Providence
who, by thus providing for your body, gives you
a proof how much more he will provide for your
immortal soul. To help you thus to spiritualize
your meals, use much attention and fervor in ask¬
ing a blessing and returning thanks.
With regard to my neighbor, Do I strive to be
faithful and diligent in my station; obedient to
superiors; careful of, and tender to, my inferiors?
Secondly, Do I pray and strive to love my neigh¬
bor as myself? Do I forgive as I hope to be for¬
given ? Do I do all I can for the souls and bodies
of those about me ? If I hear of the death of any
neighbor, do I ask myself, Have I ever had an
opportunity of warning that soul which I have
neglected? Will that soul have a just accusation
against me at the last day? Again, let us cast a
look on those who are, from among ourselves in
this last year, laid up in the garner of God. Have
we honored and served these saints of God?
What a blessed opportunity we have in this of
serving the Lord Jesus! For if he takes as to
-himself all we do for his little ones at any time,
how much more in their sickness and death!
-For right dear in the sight of the Lord is the
death of his saints. I never hear of the death of
a child of God, but I ask myself that question,
Have I done all I could for that person in every
way? Jesus saith, "Make to yourself friends of
444 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
the mammon of unrighteousness, that when you
fail on earth, they may receive you into everlast¬
ing habitations." How many do you think are
thus waiting to receive you above ? Let us this
night awake to diligence. Let us be more ear¬
nest in seeking, and we shall be more enriched in
finding. Good Mr. Frazer* observes: "Ever
since I can remember, proportionable to my dili¬
gence in seeking was my finding: nor made I ever
any extra aim at God but I got something extra.
Also," says he, "I learn that a Christian's assu¬
rance, or faith, though it do not at first flow from
holiness, yet it is, in its progress, ever in propor¬
tion to his holy walk with God." This is a great
truth, for the mystery of the faith must be kept
in a pure conscience.
February 7.—How many have been called away
lately! Three precious souls, three nights run¬
ning, have I seen brought to the churchyard!
The first was brother Brook, one of my dear Mr.
Fletcher's first children. He has been a steady
walker, but not clearly awakened to the work of
sanctification till a few years ago. He dreamed
that he heard a voice say to him, "John, are you
ready to die ?" He could not remember what he
answered, but the purport was, that he hoped so.
Next day he was rather uneasy, and wished to
have the dream again, that he might answer bet¬
ter. Some time after, he thought in his sleep he
heard the voice again. Then he said, "Lord, am
I ready?" On which such a discovery of the
* A very pious minister of the Church of Scotland.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 445
evil of his nature was laid open to him, that he
cried out, "Ah! Lord, I have all to do! I have
to begin 1" From that time he felt a strong desire
to be a new creature in the full sense of the word;
and began to strive to take the kingdom by force.
But still he did not see clearly the way of faith.
One night he dreamed my dear husband came to
him, and pointing to a wall, said, "John, you
must get up above the top of that wall." He re¬
plied, "Sir, I cannot: it is impossible." Mr.
Fletcher answered, "Yes, John, you must, or
you will perish." He immediately lifted up his
heart to the Lord, and began gently to rise, till
he was even with the top of the wall, on which he
laid his hand to lean, when instantly he dropped
down to the bottom, and awoke. This much dis¬
couraged him. But a second time he dreamed
the same dream, and leaned as before, when he
again dropped down. He had many thoughts
about these dreams, what they could mean. Af¬
ter some time he again dreamed that Mr. Fletcher
came to him, and, as before, bid him rise above
that wall, adding, "The reason, John, why you
fell the other times, was because you leaned on the
wall. If you do but touch it, you spoil all."
Then he again lifted up his heart in faith as be¬
fore, and gently rising till he was above the wall,
he found himself in a most beautiful place, and
his soul in a profound peace. From this dream
he saw it was by looking unto Jesus that he was
to enter that rest which remains for the people of
Grod. During a very long and painful illness he
has been kept in a sweet, calm peace. In the
38
446 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
beginning he was much tempted, but his confi¬
dence remained firm. In the latter end it was
much increased. He said, a few minutes before
his death, to a neighbor, "0 Tommy, this calls
for much faith and patience •/' but added, that his
confidence was unshaken. He then cried, " Come,
Lord Jesus I" and entered his everlasting rest.
The next night poor sister Smith was buried.
She appeared to me more than commonly stirred
up the last two or three times I met her in class.
In her illness, which lasted a month, she was
continually crying out for a clean heart; lament¬
ing the unbelief she felt, which, said she, is as a
wall. 0 that this wall of unbelief were removed,
that I might have a clear evidence! 0 that the
heart of stone were taken away! One night,
about a week before she died, she called hastily
to her son, telling him the Lord had taken away
the heart of stone, and filled her mouth with
praise. She continued in peace, though in much
pain, till her spirit returned to God. The follow¬
ing night a man was buried, who had been a suf¬
ferer for some years, but in that time brought
home to God.
February 14.—My mind is sorrowful. It seems
as if the Lord was about to take my Sally from
me. She grows worse and worse: her legs swell
much, her strength fails, and all means used ap¬
pear unsuccessful. I have been so supported as
I could not have expected: not with great joy,
but a determined resignation—a clinging to the
will of God, be the event what it may. She has
been as the tenderest of daughters to me: a spi-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 447
ritual friend both to soul and body: a most useful
housekeeper, and the best of nurses: in short, the
staff of my old age. If I lose her, I shall be
stripped of all that makes my life comfortable.
We keep a kind of inn for the Lord's people; and
I am so infirm I cannot supply her place in care
and management. In the work of God she is also
admirably useful, and together we get through a
good deal. But left alone; what a poor creature
shall I be to go through all these fatigues! But
I will encourage myself in the Lord. We shall
not be parted. She goes a little before, and I
shall follow after.
March 9.—I have still a season of trial, but
not without profit. My dear Sally is yet ill, ap¬
parently going into a consumption. I must now,
as Abraham, lay the whole of my earthly comforts
on the altar! But I cling to the will of God.
Christ left all for me. 0 my Lord, enable me
to glorify thee in the fire! This morning I was
blessed in those words, " Casting all your care on
him, for he careth for you."
March 19.—This was our quarter-day. I found
in the morning a particular faith in devoting my¬
self to the Lord, that his whole will might be ac¬
complished in me and by me that day; and 1
saw the immediate guidance of his hand in each
particular. I felt thankful that our application
to Mr. Young had apparently been blessed, and
my dear friend was better, and enabled to assist
me through the hurry of the day. We went to
bed in peace, though fatigued. But in the night
she spit blood again. This circumstance seems to
448
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
take awav, humanly speaking, all hope of her re-
covery. The discharge continued, though lessen¬
ing, all the next day and night. Blessed be God,
I felt power to go through all that I was called to
in the Lord's work, and to cling fast to his will
by resignation.
March 25.—Sally is very poorly. The bleed¬
ing continues, though the discharge is small.
Yesterday morning, Easter Sunday, I felt power
to throw myself on the Lord, and was helped
through the duties of the day. I asked her how
she felt her mind when she began to spit the
blood. She replied, she felt rip fear of death,
but a firm confidence that the Lord would finish
his work if he took her directly. At the same
time she felt tenderly for me. She added, " On
Thursday, being in great pain, I dropped into a
doze, and thought I heard the voice of my dear
master, saying, as if he stood by me, ' The suf¬
ferings of the present time are not worthy to be
compared with the glory which shall be revealed.' "
It was a refreshment to me to have, as it were, a
message from heaven in this time of trouble. As
I sat in my pew at church, I thought, I must now
go to the table alone. Once I had my dear hus¬
band there, and my child at my side. Now, as
Naomi, I must say, 1 went out full, but return
empty. As I knelt at the table, it seemed as if
her spirit was one with mine. On my return to
the pew, as I was pleading in prayer that the
Lord would order all, it came to me,—
" Leave to his sovereign sway-
To choose and to command;
So shalt thou, wondering, own his way,
How wise, how good his hand."
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 449
I .said, Lord, look upon us! It was answered,
" The hairs of your head are all numbered/' I
then said, My dear Saviour, our concerns are re¬
garded in the court above: I, freely leave them
there! It came with power, And the care of
them is with the Most High. That so melted my
heart, I could not help bursting into tears. But
they were tears of gratitude. The Lord did not
seem to tell me what he would do with me; but
patience must have its perfect work.
May 8.—Many mercies and many trials have I
passed through since I wrote last. My dear Sally
is yet very poorly, and I feel myself called to
stand on my watch-tower, that I may gain all the
good designed me in this trial. I desire to be in
the posture of Abraham when he was going to
Mount Moriah. What will be the end I know
iiot, but it has been a time of much pain.
May 30.—The Lord hath in great mercy heard
player in many respects of late. I know not
where to begin to recount his goodness. My dear
Sally is much better, and seems to gather strength
beyond expectation. On Sunday night last I was
led to make a fresh dedication of my all to God;
and he showed me I was to confide alone in him.
I fear much for my dear friend, but I am not
called to hinder her in any thing, but commit all
to the Lord, for I have given up all into his hand.
June 28.—Blessed be God, I do feel an in¬
crease of union, and a recollected posture of mind.
Beading that line to-day in one of Mr. Wesley's
letters, " Entire resignation implies entire love.
Give him your will, and you give him your heart,"
38*
450
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I felt a spring of satisfaction arise in my mind.
I am sure I do feel an increasing resignation, and
that not in theory, but in practice. My most
near and tender feelings have been touched of
late. I live under those trials at this time, not
only in the continued illness of my dear Sally,
who still seems consumptive, but other circum¬
stances beside. I can feelingly say, " The Lord
liveth, and blessed be my Roclc, and exalted be
the God of my salvation." There appears to be
one design in all the Lord's dispensations toward
us, viz., the bringing us to lose our wills perfectly
in his adorable will; and I find nothing so help¬
ful as to be quite still in his hand. Committing
all to the Lord, however difficult things may
appear, I am to stand still, and the Lord makes a
way through in his own time, and often the trial
is only a shadow. Like Abraham, we all are
called to offer our Isaac, and then the cross is re¬
moved. We have had peculiar expenses of late,
and my gracious Father hath provided for that.
A few days since, I received a letter from my
eldest brother's wife, in which she sent me a
present of twenty pounds. Lord, didst thou not
tell me, " I will bless them that bless thee ?" Let
this kindness be so returned, 0 Lord, in spiritual
and temporal blessings!
July 20.— Lord, thou art good ! I feel thine
arm does support me. 0 teach me the " way of
faith more perfectly!" My dear child grows
worse. She coughs almost continually. I feel it
as a knife in my heart. She is my earthly all;
and in the whole universe there is but one thing
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 451
I love more than her, that is, "the will of mj
God." To that I do, I must, I will refer every
thing!
August 6.—Having heen called to take a little
journey of thirty miles, I have found it a good
deal disorder my body, as, of late years, travelling
always does ; and with the continued illness of my
dear friend, I have little time for writing, except
the letters I have to answer. But, blessed be the
Lord ! I have been carried through all my weekly
meetings with a peculiar sense of the presence of
God. Last Tuesday, in our intercession, we laid
her case.again before the Lord, with much free¬
dom, and I think she has been better since.
We are called to hang on Jesus, and cleave to his
will. My dear child is kept in much peace, and
she prays that the trial may answer all that the
Lord intends before it is removed. Lord, I add
my prayers to hers : so let it be ! I shall cer¬
tainly feel her loss severely. With her I can
consult about every circumstance. To her I can
tell every temptation; and her watchful attention
over each infirmity of my body is uncommon.
Her skill in managing all the affairs of my family
is very great: she takes off all burdens from me,
and leaves me wholly free. Her help in the work
of God also is unspeakable. She assists me in
memory, in speaking to the people, in judging
concerning them, in reproving and exhorting;
and I do nothing in the Church affairs but with
her counsel. In her own meetings, a few of which
she still will keep up, her word is clothed with
power; and many, very many, are weeping
452 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
through fear of her loss. I feel the Lord requires
me to keep looking to him alone, and living only
the present hour, with a continual Abraham-like
spirit, holding my sacrifice before the Lord, to
whom my more than all is due.
August 14.—I have been renewing my cove¬
nant with the Lord this day—to abandon all my
whole cause, both of soul and body, into his hand;
and to offer afresh to follow the Lamb whither¬
soever he goeth. Fourteen years of widowhood
I have this day completed. And now it seems
as if my last, my only remaining friend and com¬
fort was called for! And I have been plead¬
ing with the Lord that I may cling to his dear
will. Yesterday morning I had a sweet refresh¬
ing gale from Sion's top, and such confidence I
felt in the all-sufficiency of the Saviour, that I
could lean all my weight of care on the Lord, and
saw his arm was under both my friend and me.
It lifted off my care, and healed my suffering
mind. This morning I have strove to humble
myself before the Lord, and to inquire whether I
may ask the healing of my child. It seems as if
I was led to stand still; for though no trial of the
kind could be so near my heart, yet I feel my
dearest concern is the glory of God. And there¬
fore I can only say, Thy will be done ! But if
the cup may pass from me! Lord, let silence
plead my cause! I will not ask any thing, but
such a gracious conduct toward us as will bring
most glory to thee, and for which we shall most
praise thee in eternity.
August 30.—This has been a day of searching
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
453
into my heart. I see there is great need of the
Lord to lay to his hand. I want a'deliverance
I do not yet feel. The Spirit of God is a spirit
of illumination. That I in a low degree feel. I
have a light which increases in reading the Scrip¬
tures ; and some-fresh views of the amazing glory
of redemption are given to me. Secondly, The
Spirit of God is a spirit of u prayer, of groans
unutterable." A little of this I feel, but out of
Seven times a day in prayer, often I have not
what I call the spirit of prayer, above three or
four times. Thirdly, The Spirit of God is a spirit
of humiliation. Surely I may say I have this mark;
but I do not love humiliation, at least till I have
had time to reflect. I do not run to embrace it,*
nor pick it up as I would a jewel. Fourthly, The
Spirit of God is a spirit of sanctification, purifying
the heart. I do feel it is working that in me. Yet
I am not free from reptile thoughts, those which
crawl on the earth. They do not, it is true, carry
the stamp of sin upon them, yet they hinder prayer.
Fifthly, The Spirit of God is the spirit of love.
What shall I say to this '{ My love to God does
increase : I can say, 0 God ! my chief joy !—but
I can very seldom say, 0 God ! my exceeding joy!
My love seems faint and dim, and that to my
neighbor keeps pace with it. I deny myself for
their sake, but that is nothing. The pleasure I
feel in helping the distressed is greater than that
* Is not this too strong? Ought we to run to meet tha't- which
must be sin to others? We must indeed be conformed to the Son
of God; and we should bear his reproach, not only with patience,
but with joy. In a mind so devoted as Mrs. Fletcher's, the mean¬
ing must be good, but there may be some danger to others in this
strong way of expressing it.—Ed.
454
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
which I deny myself in. Indeed, if I did not do
so, I should know " the love of the Father was
not in me/' But I cannot rest till I feel a greater
measure of that love which brought my Saviour
from heaven to earth, to take on him the iniquity
of us all. 0 Jesus, let that mind be in m^ that
was in thee ! I ask it in thy name ! 4
September 12.—lam this day threescore. My
dear husband would have been seventy. But he
has had fourteen years in glory. Lord, prepare
me for all prepared for nje! 0 let me live my
last days to thy glory as I have never done!
Yesterday the Lord gave me that word, "When
thou goest through the waters, they shall not
overflow thee." I asked if I might pray for my
dearest comfort to be spared. That text seemed
an answer, " Be careful for nothing, but in every
thing, by prayer and supplication, make your re¬
quests known unto God." For some days her
cough has been more strong and more frequent.
I feel the will of God my sure defence. If he
please, he can yet raise my dear friend; but if he
have otherwise determined, It is the Lord. He
cannot err : I will not choose.
October 7.—We have had the comfort to hear
of the happy death of Miss Styche. She told
me the conviction she got while at Mrs. Mickle-
wright's school, abode with her for some time.
But, said she, afterward, when I got into the
world, all you had said seemed wiped away.
Then the Lord laid his hand on me by this illness,
A blessed illness it has been to me, for it hath
brought me to seek him. But now I fear he will
LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER. 455
never receive nor forgive , me. When we told
her of the great atonement and perfect righteous¬
ness of the Saviour, she seemed as if she would
swallow every word. She then said, When Mr.
Walter visits me, I often feel comforted; hut I
cannot retain it; and I feel my heart full of sin.
At this time she was torn with evil tempers,
unable to live, and afraid to die; suffering much,
and having no comfort; so that nothing seemed
to please or satisfy her. Yet she struggled hard
to obtain not only consolation, but the mind that
was in Christ. One day, as a few of us were at
prayer with her, she received such a lift of faith
as delivered her from all her bonds. From that
hour all about her were amazed at the change.
She was all the lamb and the dove ! The new
creature shone clear indeed. When my Sally
was saying, Shortly you will come to the blessed
moment when, "ready winged for the flight,"
you shall see the chariot of Israel come for you,
her eyes sparkled with delight, and she said, " I
am so happy as I cannot express. Sometimes I
have fiery darts; but I look to Jesus, and he
turns them away. He is always with me." She
continued thus to the last. A few hours before
she died, she seemed to have much of the pre¬
sence of God, repeating with great delight,
"Ready winged, ready winged!" She then
begged her young sister to turn to God, saying,
"You must cleave to those who have done me so
much good. You see how I am, and I would not
be otherwise: I would not live for a thousand
worlds. I have such a prospect—so clear into
456 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
eternity. Jesus hath saved me ! He hath washed
me from my sins in his own blood. He hath put
on me the white robe, and I see my way clear.
O cleave to the people that have been so blessed
to me." Soon after she said, " Molly, Molly,
look! do not you see these sweet creatures ?"
Her sister replied, "No, I do not." To which
Miss Styche said, " But I do : they are come for
me." Molly asked, What are they like ? She
replied, "They are glorified spirits! they are
virgins—they are come for me—yes, they are
come for me !" And immediately
" She clapped the glad wing, and tdwered away,
To mingle with the blaze of day!"
She died October the 4th, in her twenty-first
year.
November 12.—Many solemn thoughts, yet
such as have led to God, have occupied my mind
to-day. When I look back eighteen years, it
gives me pleasure to recollect that my dear love
and I agreed that we would not limit our union
by that word, "Till death us doth part," but that
we would consider our covenant as eternal. Not
that we meant to tie each other from a future
marriage; but that our union of soul was never
to be broken. Often, when we have been speak¬
ing together of this, he would say, " Well, Polly,
then our spiritual as well as our temporal mercies
are mutual." From this recollection, I was led
to consider that text, "He hath made us meet to
partake of the inheritance of the saints in light,"
and felt a power to pray as I have often done,
that I might be permitted to share in his joy,
LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER. 457
now inherited before the throne. At night in
the society, my faith was somewhat increased.
December 23.—I am a woman of a sorrowful
spirit. My dear child grows worse : well, I will
cling to that rock, Thy will be done ! This shall
be my momentary employ the remainder of my
life. Not one on earth to whom I can converse
of the past trials through which she hath walked
with me ! Well, my Lord, thou knowest my soli¬
tary situation. The pain she sulfers from that
dreadful cough, and a complication of complaints,
would constrain, I think, any beside herself to
keep their bed. But while there is a grain of
strength given to her, she will use it, both in the
work of God and in the care of our affairs. I
will hang upon that word, "I will bring the blind
by a way they know not: I will lead them in
paths which they have not known. I will make
darkness light before them, and crooked things
straight. These things will I do for them, and
not forsake them."
January 20, 1800.—This morning, as I was
laying before the Lord the sufferings of my dear
child, I thought, If the hairs of our head are
numbered, then I am sure each time she has
that cough, so hard, so violent, it is noticed by
the Lord. I felt that it was; and asked, with
submission, that it might be removed, or that he
would graciously show that it was sent in love.
After a while, these words were sweetly impressed
on my mind, " The light affliction which is but
for a moment shall work out for us a far more
exceeding and eternal weight of glory." I felt
39
458 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
that word far more exceeding, so that I answered,
Well, my blessed Lord, I will hold to my old
word, God shall choose our inheritance for us.
Give me, 0 Lord, to find my all in thee ! Last
night, in the society, those words were impressed
on my mind, Seek first the kingdom of God, and
all- things else shall be added unto you.
March 17.—Yesterday Mary Wyke entered
glory, in the nineteenth year of her age. She is
a remarkable answef to prayer. In the beginning
of her illness she was very careless and hard;
but after much suffering, she was brought to
know herself, and to seek the Lord. He was
pleased to manifest his love to her in some de¬
gree, but still she had a great hankering after,
life; and at times she was much troubled with
unholy tempers, which she sorely lamented. A
few months ago, her body being brought to the
state of a Lazarus, she was considering whether
there was any likelihood of recovery, when those
words were powerfully applied to her heart,
"Thou shalt die and not live." This she told
me she knew to be the voice of God; and felt all
her will for life immediately taken away. From
that day a mighty change appeared upon her.
She has had much of the presence of the Lord,
and been kept in a'sweet, calm, loving state,
ripening for glory—declaring she was willing to
suffer as long as the Lord should please, for she
knew her pains were working out a "further
weight of glory." Sometimes she was tri¬
umphantly happy: at other times, she could
only lie and groan in agony; but even then she
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 459
would say, if asked, " I am happy; and I have
no will." A fortnight before her death she
dreamed her grandmother, who died here in the
Lord a few years ago, came to her, and a person
whom she did not know came with her. That
person said, "Mary, hold faith and patience a
little longer, and you shall he with us." The
night before she died she was very happy. Ten
minutes before she departed, her mother said,
Are you happy, my dear ? She, with difficulty,
answered, "Yes,"—and soon ceased breathing.
Eternity is very near ! 0 for a swifter progress
in our souls!
March 31.—This! has been a day of recollec¬
tion, and of groaning after a fuller manifestation
of the Lord's power. It is a time for trial. My
dear child, what does she suffer! Yet how
patient and passive in the hand of God ! I seem
left to suffer •, yet I am wonderfully supported too.
Well, comfort is not that which I most desire.
I feel my strongest desire is, that the nature of
God may be more powerfully stamped on my soul.
May 21.—The Lord does not suffer my sor¬
rowful attention to hinder his work. Last Sun¬
day, I was at the Wood. Never, I think, did I
feel more freedom. 0 my God ! work for the
glory of thy name on this people ! I feel their
souls very near to me. The Lord is with us in
trouble, and my dear Sally is kept in a calm,
quiet frame. Through all she suffers, she says,
she has such a sense how safe she is in the hand
of God, that his time, either for ease or death,.is
the best time.
460 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
August 1.—My dear friend is yet no better.
Last night was a painful one. O that this trial
may have its due effect on us both ! I long for
full conformity to all the will of God. I see every
grace increases by use. I am called to exercise
faith ; and as faith gathers strength, I know every
other grace will keep pace with it. I have had
much temptation since I wrote last; but how can
faith be in full exercise if we see all clearly ?
September 24.—Lord, thine eyes are upon us !
We see and feel thy help in the midst of our
trials. I have little time to write, my dear child
being now so very bad; but I am led to live on
that word, " Thy will be doiie." It is a day of
clouds, and at times of thick darkness. All my
help seems to be in clinging to the will of God.
One sentence that Miss Ritchie (now Mrs. Mor¬
timer) read in sister Johnson's letter from Bristol
Was blessed to me. She says, " When we look
at Jesus by faith, Satan loses his power, and, if I
may so speak, his place, which is the reasoning
faculty."*
* An undue dependence on the reasoning faculty is indeed Sa-
tan's stronghold, and highest delusion. Any repulse to this temp¬
tation, he will suggest, must amount to a renunciation of that
nohle gift of God! It is thus "the strong one, armed" with the
pride, self-will, prejudice, and worldly spirit of the sinner, (which
he will call his reason,) " keepeth his house, and his goods are in
peace." In this state our Lord found the fallen Jewish nation;
and in this state Luther (not to mention other reformers) found the
fallen Christian Church. Almost in this state (but with a pure
doctrine in the established creeds and liturgy) did Mr. Wesley find
this favored kingdom. In this state, also, does the " Spirit of
Christ" find every natural man, however learned or wise. But who
will sink under that sentence of death which the Holy Spirit pro¬
nounces, John xvi. 8-11, against all this deceivableness of unright¬
eousness? Only the man who submits to have faith placed on the
throne usurped by the " reasoning faculty." Kor can any man know
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 461
January 1, 1801.—What have I seen and
felt since last I wrote ! On December 3d my
dearest child and friend went triumphantly to
glory ! I was helped to write an account of her
devoted life and happy death, and read it to the
society while her precious corpse was in the
house. I have now scarce strength to look it
over. How does the Lord help us in the need¬
ful hour! In the ordering of her funeral, and
various things which fell on me alone, I have
been brought through, and proved her dying
words, " He will put his everlasting arms under¬
neath you." He doth, and I am borne up. But
0 what a loss do I sustain ! God only knows
what she was to me, and himself alone can fill
the aching void ! What adds to the weight is,
1 have not that communion with God I long for.
I am amazed at the resignation which I feel.
Yes, I do, I will adore him, for taking away my
all from me.* I fear I hung too much on her.
I did nothing without her counsel, and truly I
was dearer to her than herself. To the last she
felt in the most tender manner for me, and often
said, "If the Lord saw good, how gladly would I
drink this bitter cup instead of you; and close
your eyes instead of you closing mine ! But the
will of God is all to us : in that we are agreed:
we live in 1 Thy will be done.' " I do not know,
indeed, the heart of a stranger; and I do trust
" the salvation that is through faith," but the man who resolutely
maintains that Divine allegiance—who steadily walks by the same
rule and minds the same things.—Ed.
* This was beyond the highest sensible consolation.—Ed.
39*
462 LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER.
the Lord is about to make me " his own habitation
through the indwelling Spirit." Now and then,
for a moment, I have such a display of God as I
know and feel would turn my gloomy night into
a bright day. But it is hut for a moment, and
then seems to shut up again. I must remember
my dear Sally's words, " We are both waiting for
the Lord;" and " it is good to hope, and quietly
to wait for the salvation of God." I begin this
year as a hermit: ah ! that I may end it as a
saint. Come, Lord Jesus, and fulfil all thy gra¬
cious promises to my waiting soul!
I sometimes feel her as being present with me.
We had all things in common here, and I trust
I shall partake of her heavenly inheritance.
Thinking of that one night when I was very sad,
in a moment all the gloom went off, and such a
sweetness came over my soul as seemed to wipe
away all grief. I dropped asleep, and these words
sounded in my ears all night:
"They drink the deifying stream,
And pluck the ambrosial fruit."
March 11.—What cause I have to bless the
Lord! How often have I feared, if I lost my
dear friend I should not be able to glorify God,
that I should have no spirit to go through any
thing. But it is not so. I never felt more light
and liberty in speaking to the people than I do
now; and though very trying circumstances have
occurred in the work of God, as well as in my
family affairs, yet I have Been carried through
all in a manner that amazes me. How faithful is
the Lord!
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
463
June 5.—I continue to feel my loss severely;
yet I also feel I love and adore the will of God.
Yea, and I admire it. What wisdom and love
do I see in all this cutting dispensation! I
cleaved too much to that precious gift, which was
lent to me in order to raise my soul to God.
One night I dreamed I saw her standing before
me. I cried out, 0 my dear love, are you come ?
I have waited for this. She expressed the ten-
derest regard, but without words; and it left a
sweet sensation on my mind. Another time I
dreamed* I was involved in great trials, and
thought, 0 if my Sally had been now with me, all
would have been nothing. Immediately I saw
her just by me! and she gave me to know she
was nearer than I thought. I know our friends
are not really divided from us: they are only
become invisible. Perhaps if we saw the spirits
of our dear companions at such seasons, we might
be much tempted to put our trust in them. A veil
is therefore drawn between; and all for our eter¬
nal good. But the Scripture declares, "We are
come to the spirits of just men made perfect;"
but this is far more plain to their eyes than to
ours, which are as yet under the veil. Lord,
give me to rely on thyself alone !
July 14.—I had this morning a comfortable
* In this way of Divine direction and encouragement the Lord
acts as a Sovereign, and gives as ho sees good. To this the Holy
Scripture bears full testimony. Mrs. Fletcher wasoften thus favored.
But how mercifully was she preserved from placing any undue de¬
pendence on these favors 1 The word of God was the guide to
which she referred every thing, and by which. 6be "tried the
spirits whether they were of God."—Ed.
464 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
season-while meeting the class. Those words of
lYnelon were much on my mind, "I will, with
John, lean on his breast, and feed on love, by
joining my heart to his." Sometimes, while
speaking on faith, such a sweetness overspreads
my soul, as if I had run into the bosom of my
Lord. I see, at those times, such an all-suffi¬
ciency in the Saviour, and such a vastness in that
thought, "We have boldness and access through
him ;" and again, " He hath borne all our sins
in his own body on the tree," that it seemed I
had only to run to the Saviour every moment, as
a child to its fond parent! Lord, open the way
of faith more and more to my waiting soul!
August 15.—Yesterday was a solemn day to
me. Sixteen years are passed since my eyes
beheld the awful scene of my dear husband's en¬
trance into glory. 0 what have I passed through
since that time ! Could I then have known that
my precious friend would have been taken also,
how it would have aggravated the bitter cup!
But blessed be God that all the future is hid in
his will. There I find a solid rest. It is now a
little more than seven months since I lost her,
and I have been, and am, enabled to say, Jesus
hath done all things well! I feel my soul more
on the stretch after God, and my old promises
revive afresh, as if drawing near to the time of
accomplishment. That promise in particular,
Thou shalt walk with me in white.
August 20.—I awoke this morning with strong
desire and prayer that every thought might this
day be the Lord's. 0 why js there any distance!
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
465
Come, my beloved, and take tbe full possession
of every power! My soul is grieved that I have
not more ardor in speaking for God; though,
blessed be his name, I have found him graciously
with me at times in the meetings. But I do not
catch every occasion, as my dear Sally did. The
other day a man came to sell something we
wanted. Being engaged in writing, I sent one
of the family to take it for me. After he was
gone, she told me the man had said he had two
children sick of the smallpox, and had never had
it himself. I asked, earnestly, And didUyou not
talk to him about his soul ? She answered, No.
0 what did I feel! Had I gone down myself,
how much better should I have been employed!
Lord's day, August 23.—In the meeting this
morning I found the Lord present; and I had
also a little opportunity of helping his people*
0 what a favor! I, who once expected to be
left without the necessaries of life for myself, have
now such frequent opportunities of helping the
poor! Lord, thou art good to me beyond ex¬
pression 1 This evening I spent two hours in re¬
tirement, and I found it the best of all the day.
God gave me a praying spirit. But it was also a
time of deep humiliation. Such a crowd of words
and acts, foolish and sinful, which were spoken
or committed forty or fifty years ago, pressed
into my mind like so many barbed arrows. I see
in myself, from a child, a depth of the fall, be¬
yond, I think, any other. But this evening,
though I felt deeply sorrowful, and ready to lie
down under the feet of all, I found it mixed with
466 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
encouraging hope. These words bore much on
my mind:
" I shall soon obtain the grace,
Pure in heart to see thy face."
August 28.—This morning I awoke, after a
restless night, with a strong desire to live to God.
In prayer I found some encouragement. In
visiting some sick also I felt the presence of God.
J. B. seemed to be very comfortable under his
affliction, and much led to look to Jesus through
all; for, said he, " What a delight it is to rejoice
in God, though in anguish and pain ! Why it is
all from him ! that is my comfort." I see, more
and more, souls grow best in the furnace. It is
our proper soil while here : to enjoy is by and by.
October 17.—Lord, perform thy word, on
which thou hast made me to trust! That saying
of our Lord, in Mark xi, concerning the fig tree,
was much laid on my heart: " If ye have faith,
and doubt not, ye shall say to this mountain,
Depart!" and " Whatsoever things ye ask in
prayer, believe that ye receive, and ye shall have
them." That is, believe that it becomes yours as
sure as ye ask: yea, at that time the grace ye ask
for is, as it were, held out to you; and you may
say, I have asked a clean heart, a stayed mind, a
baptism of the Spirit. Well, they are mine: I
shall enjoy them. They are given as an estate
left to me; but I now want to enter into the
possession. My Jesus is preparing my heart for
his own abode. He will enter, and with him all
his fulness, to fill up every aching void.
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. ' 467
August 14, 1802.—I have not written much
the beginning of this year, except what concerned
the death of dear Mrs. Yate. She has long
walked in the ways of G-od, and often enjoyed
sweet and close communion with him. When
very young she received a letter which treated on
the different states of the inward and outward
court worshippers.* She threw the letter on the
table, and clasping her hands together, she fell
on her knees, and cried to the Lord with a strong
and vehement cry, that she might become one of
those who should worship him in spirit and in
truth. Her prayer was answered, and she be¬
came truly devoted to a crucified Saviour. The
souls of her children lay very near her heart, and
she spared no pains to bring them to the know¬
ledge of God. In the cause of God she was
deeply engaged, and to the utmost of her strength
visiting the sick, and inviting sinners to the Lord.
She was led in the way of the cross, and being
weak in body, she was much exposed to tempta¬
tion. In her last illness she was frequently buf¬
feted by the enemy of her soul; at other times
she was much comforted. Her most painful
temptation was, that the Lord would forsake her
in the last conflict. After enduring this for some
time, she told me of some promises which had
been applied to her mind: above all that word,
11 There is no condemnation to them that are in
Christ Jesus." Yet these glooms, as she called
them, appeared dreadful to her. While we were
* Written by Mrs. Fletcher.—M. Tooth.
468
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
conversing, the spirit of faith came over us both,
the light dispelled all darkness, and in speaking
and prayer there was a power quite uncommon.
She said, "I think you never had such a time in
this house before;" and indeed it was true.
From that hour she expressed herself as quite in
peace, ever after saying, " I have nothing to
trouble me now." One day she said, " When I
look on my limbs worn to a skeleton, it is with
pleasure; for I know I shall go to God." At
another time she observed, " These words are
much with me, ' Beloved, think it not strange
concerning the fiery trial which is to try you.' I
leave myself in His hand, and all is peace."
On the 21st of January, I was conversing with
her, and exhorting her to live the present moment
as if she was sure to die the next. A clear light
seemed to shine powerfully on my mind as I was
speaking: she entered into it and was refreshed.
As soon as I was gone, that word was strongly
impressed on her heart, This is the way, walk ye
in it. On the 27th she observed how comfortably
she had walked ever since—that life or death
were now quite equal; and that she wanted No¬
thing but the will of God to be done. " I am,"
said she, " quite happy, and that word, our
Father, is so opened to me as fills me with delight.
I have nothing to hold me here. No, I am ready
to give up all. My children are near and dear to
me, but I am ready to leave them at his call."
She had close trials, such as caused the most
tender feelings. She observed, "I cannot dis¬
trust the Lord, for he supports me through every
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
469
thing. This morning, as I was in prayer, a won-
de'rful sweetness came over my soul, and my will
was so lost in the will of God as I never found it
before. I saw myself perfectly safe in his hand,
and I cannot ask either for myself or my children
any thing but his will. My dependence on the
Lord is entire. I would not have a choice of my
own for all the world. He orders every thing for
me, small and great. No, I want nothing for soul
or body but by his order. He is continually tell¬
ing me, In blessing I will bless thee. 0, how
sweet is that word, ' There is no complaining in
our streets!' No, no, I cannot complain, I have
no cause. All around me is blessing, and the
best of all is, my heart is full of love. 0 love,
love ! Let there be nothing but love in my soul."
After a little while, she said, " I want to feel
the change more forcibly, I want to realize hea¬
ven : I do not seem to see glory !" I replied,
Jesus was perfectly holy,* yet his soul was sorrow¬
ful unto death. Holiness is not to be measured
by perfect joy, but by perfect resignation. You
can see Jesus, and feel no will but his. She re¬
plied, " 0 yes, yes, I can see him, he is ever with
me, I have no will but what is lost in God; and
I am waiting the accomplishment of many glorious
promises which have been given me."
March 7.—She told me her cough had been
very bad, and almost constant; but, said she,
"With every fit of coughing, the Lord gave me
some comfortable word. That word came with
great power, Not a sparrow falls to the ground
without your Father." She added, " I have had
470 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
a night of suffering and of comfort: all my sins
were brought before me, even from my infancy,
and I saw in myself such a depth of the fall as I
cannot put into words) but I need not fear, since
Jesus saves me. He forgiveth iniquity, trans¬
gression, and sin, and I felt it was so. Afterward
that word was applied, 1 Eye hath not seen, nor
ear heard, neither hath it entered the heart of
man to conceive what God hath prepared for
them that love himand 0, how I felt it was pre¬
pared for me ! Yes, he hath prepared a place for
me, and I shall be with him. In the afternoon
I was thinking of my husband and children, in
particular the two little ones, when I had such a
discovery of the tender love and guardian care
of the Lord as took away every anxious thought.
0, he is all in all true, I would not take them out
of his hand for the world. How is it, when I lie
awake for hours, and cannot sleep, nor hardly
move, I can lie so comfortably! I feel such a
rest in God as sweetens all." She desired me to
return thanks to all her dear friends who had
shown such sympathy through all her sufferings.
Thus, like a truly patient lamb, she lay before
the Lord from day to day, longing for the happy
hour of admittance into glory. As her outward
strength decayed, her love, patience, and entire
resignation, visibly increased.
April 12.—She could scarcely speak, her throat
being much affected as well as her lungs. She
looked on me, and said, " I am very ill, but happy
in my soul. I have had a sweet night. I have
no fear, no doubt: I am waiting for the Lord."
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 471
Soon after, she began to change for death. She
asked to be lifted up, in order to tell more of the
goodness of God, but could not form the words
she wanted to speak. She at length said, "I
have strong confidenceand soon after, without
a struggle, she entered into the joy of her Lord.
• I praise the Lord for the measure of health I
enjoy, which, when I do not* go beyond my
strength, is quite comfortable. And now, my
Saviour, shine upon my soul, and tell me how it
is with that ? I think I feel my dependence more
singly on Jesus, more weaned from earth, and
more athirst for the whole mind of Christ. In¬
deed, there are moments when all is clear; but I
want not to have a thought but such as is ap¬
proved by a smile of Jesus, and to have a witness
constant and clear that nothing but love dwells
in my soul. I know I do taste of pure love, but
I do not abide in Jesus; therefore I do not bring
forth much fruit. There is an entering into rest
which I have of late been particularly led to ask
for: sometimes it seems near, and I am waiting
for it in a clearer manner than usual. Some
observations which I read the other day, were
much blessed to me. Speaking to a mourning
soul, the author says, " Make God, as he is in
himself, the object of thy joy, without any con¬
sideration of thyself at all.* Let your soul exult
in that thought, The Lord is my strength and my
song, he also is become my salvation. Observe,
the Lord is then strong for and in you,
* See the note on page 334.
472
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
when you look to him alone, unmixed with any
thing else. But, on the other hand, when the
eye of the soul is double, looking partly for a fit¬
ness in itself, the light is put out, as it is said of
our Lord, He could not do many mighty works
because of their unbelief. This looking unto
Jesus is both an emptying and a filling grace.
It empties the sbul of self and the creature, and
fills it with God. It is a transforming view : the
more we see of him, the more we shall be like
him. Does he not tell thee, This is the victory
whereby we overcome, even our faith ? Wouldst
thou have the victory first, and believe afterward ?
(But I am conscious of idols !' Then plead the
promise, From all thine idols I will cleanse thee.
This is reaching out to the things before. ' But
I fear I am not willing to part with them.' Per¬
haps not; but if thou wilt look to Jesus, and wait
at his feet, and tell him of thy helplessness, he
will so shine out on thy soul that the love of all
other things shall drop off. What becomes of the
stars when the sun shines? Do they not dis¬
appear before the greater light ? So shall every
other love before that mighty love he will pour
into thee. But remember thou art to hold fast
thy confidence, which hath great recompense of
reward; for ye have need of patience, that when
ye have done the will of God, ye may receive the
promise. Now this single eye, this constant act
of faith, glorifying in hope to the end, is doing
the will of God, and thus you shall receive the
promise."
November 13.—Yesterday concluded twenty-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 473
one years since I joined in an eternal covenant
with my dear Mr. Fletcher. 0, what advantages
I have had through my union with some of the
most excellent of the earth! But, alas! how
little have I profited to what I might have done!
I have this morning been crying to the Lord to
stir me up to more faithfulness. I am now in my
sixty-fourth year—almost at the end of my race,
and the great work of an entire conformity to
God is yet to be gained. I found freedom in
prayer, so that an hour on my knees seemed to
pass as quick as a quarter usually does, and I
hope and believe I shall from this day keep up
the intense desire.
Sunday, November 22.—Through illness, I
have been out but once this day. It is long since
I have been forced to miss a meeting; but I find
all right my Master orders. It has been a good
Sabbath to my soul. I was truly humbled to hear
how the dear people wept and prayed for me!
0, my God, let that word be perfectly fulfilled,
"Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Al¬
mighty, and shalt lift up thy face unto God."
As I was reading chapter xxxi. of Genesis, that
word struck me: " I am the God of Bethel !"
Twenty years had elapsed, yet saith God, I am he
that gave thee those sweet promises in that place.
Iam the same for ever! While meditating on
this, it seemed as if he said to me, "I am the God
who told thee, Thou shalt walk with me in white."
Ah! my Lord, I hang on thee with a firm belief.
Thy words are tried words, purer than silver.
The Lord will keep his promise for ever.
40*
474
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
December 23.—I was mucb struck this morn¬
ing in reading, at the time of family prayer, the
account of Jacob wrestling with the angel. I felt
it kindle in me a degree of ardor which I did not
feel before, to say with him, I will not let thee go
unless thou bless me—yea, with the full commu¬
nion of thy love.
February 18.—I have been confined near a
month, and only able to speak in a low whisper.
The disease is supposed to be a dropsy in the
chest. I am sometimes in the night in danger
of being suffocated. The night before last, I was
very bad; and as I lay waiting in peace before the
Lord, that word was applied with unusual power,
" Call upon me in the day of trouble—I will deliver
thee, and thou shalt glorify me." Ah! my Lord,
I do call on thee for more grace, but I cannot ask
life or death: I love the dear people, and feel a
pain in leaving them; yet I can only commit all
to my adorable, unerring Head.
April 5.—Last night I labored much for breath,
and could not lie down. I saw myself encom¬
passed' with mercy and love. As I was reflecting
on the uncertainty of the issue of my complaint,
the thought struck me, my Lord was at this sea¬
son sold into the hands of men, who strove to join
with devils to afflict him; and if kind physicians
should mistake, and make me suffer, I may be
said to be given into the hands of men, but not
without the Lord. These words were sweet:
" I fain with thee would sympathize,
And share the sufferings of my Lord!"
As I was reflecting that I had nothing to plead only
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 475
".Tesus my salvation is,
This shall stand, and only this,"—
a dart came across my mind—What if Calvinism
he true ? Then you may he one he hates 1 Im¬
mediately that word came, "He hateth nothing
that he hath made, his mercy is over all his
works." Well, my Lord, this I plead, I am thine,
save me! Give me to glorify thee, through the
fire and through water. The tenderness of Miss
Tooth, whom the Lord hath sent to me, is very
great.
April 11.—The Lord hath permitted me to he
sorely exercised through the want of breath. The
night before last I was forced to sit up in bed till
four o'clock. Last night, blessed be God, the fit
lasted but one hour, and then I rested comforta¬
bly. My one act is that of clinging to the will
of God.
June 2.—Blessed be the Lord, he hath fulfilled
his word. He bids me "call upon him in the day
of trouble;", and in my deliverance I do glorify
him, and acknowledge his dear and powerful hand.
I have been for some time restored to my comfort¬
able meetings, and preserved in tolerable health,
with power to lie down in peace, and take quiet
rest. 0 that this late dispensation may rouse my
soul more abundantly, to labor after a more perfect
rest! Lord, establish me with thy free Spirit!
This morning one called who gave me the follow¬
ing extraordinary account: "On Saturday I had
that word applied, 'As the Father hath loved me,
so have I loved you, abide ye in my love/ But
on Sunday night, while you were speaking on
476 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
how we ought to venture on Christ, my soul was
greatly lifted up, my faith began to rekindle, and
I felt extraordinary power all the way home. At
family prayer my soul was sweetly drawn out.
Just as we were going to bed, I opened my Tes¬
tament on those words: 'Ask what ye will, and I
will do it for you.' I felt the power, and thought,
I will not go to bed: I will stay and wrestle with
the Lord. I did so; and 0, what di<l I feel! I
have often had glorious times, but never such a
time as that. Those precious words were applied,
'You are sealed to the day of redemption.' Since
then, as I was hearing a sermon on the New Je¬
rusalem, I had such a glorious sight as I cannot
describe! I cannot tell it to you." I asked, "Was
it a sight of the place or of the Saviour? He an¬
swered, " It was both. I had four distinct sights:
I saw the glory of the Father, the glbry of the
Redeemer, and then the Redeemer in his man¬
hood, as covered with wounds; and also the Holy
Spirit in his glory, ready to seal every soul who
would take shelter in those wounds! I now feel
my soul all on the watch. I seem as if I feared
to speak or move, lest I should in any wise grieve
that Holy Spirit."
My soul was much comforted at hearing this.
Ah! Lord, hast thou begun ? Then thou wilt go
on. I do now believe an outpouring of thy Spirit
will soon be given, and "times of refreshing shall
come from the presence of the Lord." This man
had a taste of pure love some months ago, but
lost it through unprofitable reasonings. Ever
since his first awakening, he has been a pattern
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 477
to others, and, I believe, never lost his first
love.*
July 4.—When I awoke, I found those words
applied, " Pray without ceasing, and in every thing
give thanks." This morning, reflecting on them
while in prayer, the whole passage seemed to be
applied to my heart, "Rejoice evermore, pray
without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks,
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus con¬
cerning you." The last words made a deep im¬
pression, "concerning you;" and I take it as a
message from heaven. Lord give me power to
fulfil this sweet direction !
July 18.—A few nights since those words
seemed continually with me,
" In all my ways liis hand I own,
His ruling providence I see."
The next day a change took place in my house,
and several circumstances occurred in Church af¬
fairs. 0 what a comfort was all that sentence to
me! Yes, my Lord, I do see thou dost order all
things, and on thee I rest.
August 19.—This last week has been very sol¬
emn. Eighteen years my dear husband has been
in glory. 0, how has each day brought its re¬
membrance ! 0 carry on thy work in my soul
with more power! I cannot have much longer
to remain here. I see and feel thy gracious hand
extended over me for good, and I long for a full
conformity to my Lord.
* It is with great propriety Mrs. Fletcher bears this testimony
concerning the spirit and conduct of a person who was favored
with such manifestations.—En.
478 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
November 12.—This day twenty-two years, at
this very hour, I was in Batley church, solemnly
engaging to be one soul, one body, one interest,
with my beloved husband for ever! But what
have I seen in these twenty-two years? What
deep waters have I passed through ? I have been
brought through, and mercy hath followed me to
this hour. On this day I devote myself afresh to
God. Let our wedding-day be a fresh consecra¬
tion unto Him who is the centre of our union!
A little before my dear love's last illness, he in¬
dulged a train of thoughts on what I should do,
and how I should live without him. He spoke
tenderly of my marrying again; but finding I
could not bear the thought, he said no more.
Since his death, the light hath always shone quite
clear on my soul, that I was not called to join in
marriage with any man on earth; but to preserve
the privileges of a single life which are so gra¬
ciously bestowed upon me. Satan has spared no
pains to trouble me in this way; but, blessed be
the Lord, my light in this hath never been
darkened one moment. I am the Lord's, and he
hath opened my way before me, and still makes
my cup run over with loving kindness and mercy.
" Bless the Lord, 0 my soul, and all that is within
me bless his holy name."
November 14.—In meeting the people on Sun¬
day morning, I was struck with that thought,
"The mind is to the soul what the mouth is to
the body." I must take in food, or lose my
strength; but if I take poison, I must die. Nay,
if I avoid poison, but yet feed on wood and chaff,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
479
I shall as surely die. So the mind is the mouth
of the soul; and though I should start at any
thought apparently sinful, yet if I starve it, in¬
stead of continually endeavoring to draw the sin¬
cere milk of the word, I still sow to corruption,
and what I sow, that shall I reap. Then let me
fix my eye on the great mystery of God made
man ! Why did God become man? It was man
by whom the covenant was broken, and therefore
man must have suitable punishment laid upon
him. It was God with whom it was broken, and
therefore God must have suitable satisfaction
made unto him. And as to that satisfaction, it
was man that had offended, therefore it was man
alone that could make it suitable. It was God
that was offended, and therefore it was God alone
that could make it sufficient. Now, being man
as well as God, it behooved him to fulfil all right¬
eousness, to keep the whole law in the perfect
manner required by the Adamic dispensation;
yet, as being God coequal with the Father, it was
not from duty, but merely upon our account, that
he thus subjected himself to the yoke of his own
laws, himself, as God, being the Lawgiver, and
so no more under it than the Father himself.
Whatever, therefore, Christ did or suffered in the
flesh, was meritorious, and the believer has ac¬
cepted it. Mr. Wesley observes, in his note in
the sermon on The Lord our Righteousness, this
obedience of Christ, as it was infinite, pure, and
perfect, did, without doubt, infinitely transcend
all the obedience of all the sons of men, even if
they had remained in their primitive state; for
480 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
their obedience would still have been the obedi¬
ence of finite creatures, whereas the obedience of
Christ was the obedience of one who was truly
God as well as man, by which the laws of God
had a Divine obedience performed to them.
They could command no more than the obedience
of finite creatures; whereas the obedience of
Christ was the obedience of one who was the in¬
finite Creator, as well as a finite creature; and by
this he hath purchased for us a far greater salva¬
tion than if man had not fallen. As our Head,
he hath also entered, yea, as our Forerunner, into
that glorious union with the Deity which we could
never have known but by the Word being made
flesh, and performing this righteousness in our
behalf. Now this transcendent glory, called the
joy of the Lord, we are called to enter into—to
be heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ. As
himself hath said, " The glory which thou hast
given me I have given them."
December 8.—This day three years my dear
Sally entered glory. 0 that I may be permitted
to share with her the inheritance of the saints in
light! I think I do enjoy it in a measure, for it
is amazing to me how calm and comfortable my
mind is kept, and how the Lord doth provide help
for me in every circumstance. I have nothing to
do but to prepare for death. 0 for a constant
look upward!
March 3, 1801.—I have a deep conviction on
my mind to-day of that truth, The heart of man
always seeks rest in something; therefore thoughts
that please, and that have not the appearance of
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 481
evil in themselves, yet if they are unnecessary,
may lead to a seeking rest out of God. Here I
have found Satan very busy, and am often forced
to cry out, "I will know nothing but Jesus, and
him crucified." My heart is much in expectation
of a closer union with my God than I have ever
known. I wait for the Lord.
April 20-—Glory be to God. I find him near;
he seems to be sitting on my soul as a refiner's
fire, and so calling every thought into judgment
as I never found before. We have had very
sweet times of worship lately. The Lord is in¬
deed carrying on his work, blessed be his name;
and I trust this meeting of the children will be
for good. In this, Miss Tooth is made of great
use to me. 0, my tender Father! Thou dost
not suffer me to want any thing.
June 17.—Help me, 0 my Saviour ! It seems
as if I could not get those answers to prayer which
I want. Yet he gives me little touches,—some
tokens for good, before I rise from my knees.
But 0, it is not what I long for. Such a sight I
have of late into that word, Let that mind be in
you that was in Christ Jesus ! 0 how much is
contained therein ! Yet I see it is my privilege, for
so I see the privilege held out by St. John, " Herein
is our love made perfect, that wre may have boldness
in the day of judgment, because as lie is, so are we
in this world." I find many have been blessed in
our meetings lately; but I did not hear of it till
several days after the time. And hence it has
been a season of temptation and discouragement
with me. I thought what I had said was so short
41
482
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
of what ought to have been spoken, that all the
next week I felt a deep conviction, that unless the
Lord put words into my mouth, and gave power
with them, no good would be done. I even feared
that the Lord did not approve of my calling the
people together, when there was no one but me
to speak to them. Yet I knew well that all the
good done upon the earth is the Lord's doing, and
that he can work by the meanest instrument.
However, this was the conclusion, I must ask and
wrestle for every meeting public and private, and
hang by faith on Christ alone, believing that word,
" It is not you that speak, but the Spirit of your
Father which speaketh in you." On last Monday
night I felt the answer. Then I had great free¬
dom, and I cannot tell how many have since
praised God for the blessing brought into their
souls that night. I can do nothing without much
prayer.
July 10.—We have had an awful affair at a pit
hard by. Three young men were killed outright.
The following Sunday they were buried, and it
was computed that more than a thousand persons
attended their funeral: Mr. Walter took the oppor¬
tunity to speak to them, I trust not without effect.
As some had been burned in that pit not long
before, the master ordered the tools, etc., to be
brought up, declaring he would have no more
coal got there, at least for a time. Accordingly
a man, one of our exhorters, who was an overseer
of the work, went down with his eldest son, a fine
youth about sixteen, and some other men. Just
as the overseer got in, the vapor caught fire again,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 48B
killed his son, and a boy who was with him, and
most dreadfully burned himself and another man.
Here was a trial indeed ! Both himself and his
wife much delighted in that son, who was carried
home dead, and himself not likely to live an hour.
His wife, who had a child at her breast, fainted
away, and for some time it was not known
which would die first. But the Lord supported
them both by his almighty power j and the man
was so filled with the love of Grod, in his greatest
extremity of pain, that he has been a wonder to
all. He declared that the Lord did so make his
bed in his sickness that he could feel no will but
that of G-od; and in that will he did glory ! The
other person who was burned was a young man
that had a few years ago some desires after true
religion, but of late he had wholly fallen back.
Between the two there was a striking contrast.
The young man was all terror, and shrieked
dreadfully. He had no comfort in pain, and no
pleasant prospect if it should end in death. 0,
what need have we to use the present hour!
Lord, give us unceasing prayer! 0, let us live
in the constant view of eternity! It is hoped
both the men will recover.
August 27.—Gllory be to G-od! I daily prove
he is faithfulness and love. A few mornings ago
I awoke with that word, "As thy day, so shall
thy strength be." I did not take particular
notice of it then; but yesterday, through an un¬
common providence, I was called to go through
such fatigue as to me seemed impossible. Yet I
was carried through all with such ease, both as to
484
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
body and mind, as amazed me. 0, let me learn
by all to live without fear, for I have in thee, 0
Lord, such a treasure-house as will always supply
my every want. There is no room for fear or
care. No, " the government is on thy shoulder."
All the weight lies there, and my business is to
sing and praise all the way through.
November 9.—Many mercies am I surrounded
with; and though I have many infirmities of body,
yet they are so held as with a bridle that I do not
suffer much, and am able to attend all my appoint¬
ments. I see all right: to be sure, there are cir¬
cumstances which would once have been a cross;
but I am fully convinced all comes through my
Saviour's hand, and therefore I know all shall
work for good. I see my situation well suited for
growing in grace, and I do grow; but 0, that it
were faster ! I remember a time when I rather
shrunk at repeating that line of the hymn,—
" Give me to feel an idle thought,
As actual wickedness;"
but truly I do now feel it so. I see the need there
is of being all eye, not only against what appears
evil, but also what is called innocent, but is really
useless. Last week I received a letter from Leeds,
informing me of the death of sister Crosby. I
had a few days before received one from her own
hand, a very precious one; and observed on it
how her eyes and strength held out, though ten
years older than I. Her call was sudden—but
one day's illness; during which she was kept in
faith and love, and departed (as it appeared) in
her sleep in the evening. A mother in Israel
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 485
hast thou been, and thy works shall praise thee
in the gates.
November 12.—This day is particularly solemn
to me. It is just twenty-three years this morning,
both by the year and by the day, since I was at
this very hour going to Batley church, to give
my hand to my dearly beloved Mr. Fletcher. 0,
what fears did I feel, lest it should be a step out
of God's way ! The light I had before seemed
that morning to be quite obscure; but as soon as
it was over, the light broke out on my soul, and
it hath shone clearer and clearer ever since.
Blessed be God that I ever took that step ! It
was the Lord that brought us together, and joined
us in an eternal union ! Nor do I find that union
any less; nay, it is at this moment far greater
than on that day. 0, that I were more spiritual!
then I should partake more fully of the inherit¬
ance which he enjoys in the kingdom of our
Father.
41*
486 life of mrs. fletcher.
PART THE EIGHTH.
her declining years.
January 1, 1805.
And now another year is gone! Lord, what
shall I say ? Have I got nearer to thee ? In some
things I have) but ah! Lord, show forth thy
mighty power, and lift me above all! Make "my
feet as hinds' feet," that I "may tread on the
high places," and never let in a thought that doth
not lead to thee ! In the last month, on the
seventh day, my dear, my only sister, was called
to her eternal rest. We had not seen each other
for some years, but constantly wrote all our minds
and every concern to each other. Providence had
thrown us, as to habitation, far asunder. In her
last hours she expressed faith and resignation, and
that she was waiting for the coming of the Lord,and
repeatedly begged me to give her up. I cannot
but rejoice in her escape from suffering to eternal
bliss, though the remembrance of our early pil¬
grimage is ever present to my mind. Her kind
concern for me she has shown by leaving me fifty
pounds a year for life. Some time since it seemed
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 487
probable I should lose thirty pounds a year, and in
that case I must draw back the help I give to some
particular persons and affairs; and now the Lord
hath taken care for that also. 0, how faithful is
my God ! Eternity seems very near : my breath
grows shorter, and my strength begins to fail.
Well, the will of God is all; and it is all my
desire that it may be perfectly done in me.
February 23.—I have had views of my past
life lately, which seem to have discovered a depth
of the fall of which I was not conscious. These
openings endear the Saviour abundantly. 0, how
little did I know myself, when the Lord, who
knew me thoroughly, was heaping blessings upon
me, and inviting me to his bosom ! Some years
since, a person with whom I was intimate, and
who meaut well, was certainly very imprudent.
Some of the blame fell on me, though I was quite
clear. But I feared the reproach, and in order
to justify myself, I told many of the particulars
which were not necessary, and thus I rather
aggravated the circumstances. I was afterward
much pained. The other night as I lay in bed,
it all came before me. I was nearly crushed—
until those words gave me some relief, " They to
whom much is forgiven love much." 0, my
gracious Lord, let this be fulfilled in me !*
This morning in prayer, and afterward in read¬
ing the second and third chapter of the Colossians,
I felt much encouragement. This day I could
* How afflicting to a pure conscience does any transgression of
the law of love appear, oven after it lias been forgiven, and the cor¬
rupt principle removed from the souli—En
488
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
not but observe that a power bad rested on my
mind ever since Sunday, which had kept off the
enemy when he would approach; and if a thought
would strive to creep in, I felt as if my faithful
Lord gave me instantly a check, and excited me
to beware. All these days I have seen such
various mercies as I cannot express. Truly I
can say,—
" In all my ways his hand I own,
His ruling providence I see."
I was greatly struck last night by hearing of a
young woman who was to have been married next
Monday. One of her ungodly companions on the
pit-bank, asked her where she intended to keep
her wedding ? She profanely answered, " In
hell." Soon after, being at her work near the
mouth of the pit, her foot slipped, she fell in, and
was dashed to pieces! This and some other
things which have lately occurred of the same
kind, seem to have brought eternity very near.
0, how important is every moment!
October VA.—Come, Lord Jesus, and give me
the complete victory ! Last Sunday was a time
of power to many, as they have since told me.
This day I have been pleading with the Lord to
take me altogether into his hand. 0, what a
struggle it is to keep faithful in rejecting useless
thoughts ! 0, how hard never to offend with the
tongue!
December 13.—Glory be to God for many
mercies since I wrote last. Some peculiar an¬
swers to prayers I must relate. The rich hardly
enter into the kingdom, and therefore we the
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 489
more abundantly praise him in behalf of Mrs. 13.
and Mrs. E. Mrs. B. was, by nature, remarkable
for a worldly spirit, a lioulike temper, and being
hard to please. She had also used the means of
grace for several years, without bearing fruit.
About two years ago her health began to decline;
and soon after, conviction began to fasten on her
soul, though her complaint did not appear dan¬
gerous. Her cry was for the comforts of religion,
and she wondered why she could not feel them as
others did. I clearly saw she was still uuawakened,
though somewhat enlightened. We prayed for
her, and with her; and in a few months she be¬
gan to feel she was a sinner. Her disorder also
grew extremely painful; but her cry now was,
" 0, I hope the Lord will not take away my pain
till he sees I shall not grow hardened again. 0,
what a gospel-hardened sinner have I been! I
have sat under the strongest truths; and all the
time the world had my heart. Sometimes I did
feel too; but as soon as I came home, all was
goue. Yes, I had rather have my pain, bad as it
is, than be gospel-hardened again." She con¬
tinued mourning a long time, often saying, I can
get no answer—no, not tho. least answer—yet I
hope too. Those words of the hymn are often on
iny mind,—
" I the chief of sinners am,
But Jesus died for me."
We now began to discern a great change. The
lion was lost in the dove and the lamb. She con¬
tinued to increase, by degrees, in her confidence.
Sometimes she found such a hold of the Saviour,
490 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
and such overflowing love, as if she could never
fear more. Then conflicts would return, but her
faith grew more firm, till at length her peace
was unshaken. For a long time, either Miss
Tooth, or myself, have seen her continually, and
witnessed the mighty change which was wrought
on her. One only darling child, a nice house
just built, and many other ties she had to hold her
here; but all was but as a grain in the balance in
her account. She had truly sold all for the pearl
of great price, and in the possession of that she
was content, and proved to the last moment that
she was a new creature.
The other I shall give in Miss Tooth's own
words. "October the 3d, Mrs. M. acquainted
me with the illness of Mrs. E., expressing a wish
that I would see her, as it was too far for Mrs.
Fletcher. I went the next morning, and found
her very weak, but desirous of help, for her soul.
She told me she had for some time bfeen convinced
there was no happiness but in religion. I endeavored
to point her to the source of all consolation, the aton¬
ing Lamb of God, who is ever ready to receive
conscious sinners. When I had prayed, and was
leaving her, she expressed herself in a most grate¬
ful manner, thankiug me for my kindness in com¬
ing to see her, and begged to be remembered to
Mrs. Fletcher, adding, ' How happy are the people
who receive instruction from her.' She had at¬
tended Mrs. M—'s school, and therefore was ac¬
customed to Mrs. Fletcher's meetings. The next
time I saw her, I read Mrs. Fletcher's two letters
to Miss Ireland, who died of the same complaint—
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 491
a consumption. She seemed much affected the
whole time we were together. After prayer I
entreated her not to rest satisfied with any comfort
she might feel, but to be earnest with the Lord
for a clear manifestation of his love to her soul.
The next time I went, Mr. E. being at home, I
could not see her, he being quite averse to it.
However, I went again, and now all my fears were
done away. 0 what a change had taken place !
The new song was indeed put into her mouth,
even of praise and thanksgiving unto our Grod.
As soon as I came to her bedside, she reached out
her hand, saying ' I am glad to see you.' I
answered, So am I, my dear, to see you; and I
trust you have had some gracious visits from the
Lord since we met last. She answered, '0 yes,
many, many.' Then looking earnestly at me, she
said, 'That is a sweet word, Whom the Lord
loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son that
he receiveth ! And you know St. Paul saith,
These light afflictions, which are but for a moment,
shall work out for us a far more exceeding and
eternal weight of glory.' Then, with her arms
thrown up as in a rapture of delight, she repeated,
'A far more exceeding, a far more exceeding ! 0
it is not possible to tell you what I feel in those
words.' I said, My dear, you have now a sweet
foretaste of that enjoyment you will shortly have
in full possession. 1 0 yes,' replied she, ' that is
the thing, that is the thing! I am now so sure
I shall be happy! Yes, die when I will, I am
sure I shall be eternally happy! But it is no
merit of mine; no, it is nothing I have done.
492
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
No, no, it is Jesus Christ hath died for me! that
is the comfort. 0 Miss Tooth, thfft is the com¬
fort, Jesus Christ hath died for me !' Ye^, I re¬
plied, that will never fail you. The Lord hath
been very gracious to you; and when I get home
and tell dear Mrs. Fletcher, how will she praise
the Lord for this ! She then cried out, ' 0 beg
her to pray for me. As long as I am here I hope
she will not forget me. I have had those words
very much on my mind, Be ye also ready, for at
an hour that ye think not the Son of man cometh.'
With great solemnity she repeated, ' at an hour ye
think not.' I said, You can now praise the Lord that
be did not call you at an hour when you thought
not of him. ' 0 yes,' said she, ' I praise him
for it. I praise him also every hour for this afflic¬
tion, this light affliction.' She again expressed
much love to Mrs. Fletcher, and said, 'I shall
see her in glory.' She parted from me in words
of heavenly love, and triumphant joy. Soon after
she desired one present to read the burial service,
to which she listened with great attention; but
when they came to those words, Thanks be to
God, who has given us the victory through our
Lord Jesus Christ, she was transported, and
shouted aloud the high praises of her Saviour,
who had given her the victory. i I have it, I feel
it!' she cried out; and in the same heavenly
triumph she departed, and entered her heavenly
Father's house."
January 23, 1806.—Blessed be the Lord, I feel
an encouraging hope that this will be the best
year of my life. I am waiting for my Lord to
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 493
come and make my heart his loved abode, the
temple of indwelling God. 0 how sweet is the
communion of saints, when we meet with those
who are all alive, or who are thirsting so to be!
but, alas! how rarely are they found! Last Tues¬
day we had brother H. to preach here. I found
him a man of God indeed; both his sermon and
his prayers had much unction. "We had some
comfortable conversation after supper. His words
tended to raise faith and love in our souls. Among
other profitable particulars he mentioned one man¬
ifestation; it was as follows: In his sleep he
thought he was going to die, and pleaded that the
Lord would give him the meet.ness for glory.
After a time it was spoken to his heart, "It is
done, it is done;" and he felt it was so, and found
himself filled with the heavenly mind. Then he
saw angels all round his bed; one in particular of
great beauty at the foot. He thought himself
dying, and lay with great delight waiting the
event. It then appeared to him he drew his last
breath, on which the beautiful angel at the foot
of the bed clasped him in his arms, and conveyed
him to the heavenly gates, which, as he stood be¬
fore them, appeared very glorious. The angel
then touched the gates, which immediately flew
open, and such streams of glory came out as seemed
to constrain him to draw back some paces, as be¬
ing a greater delight than he could yet bear; but
presently he went forward and entered the holy
city. There he saw an innumerable company of
glorified spirits, and the patriarchs in a circle.
Next to that circle he saw another, of the pro-
42
494
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
phets; and within that, all the apostles. He then
cried out, "But where is JesusThe adorable
God-man then appeared in "view; which sight
filled his soul with joy inexpressible; and he ob¬
served beams of glory which proceeded from our
Lord, and touched every one of the glorified spi¬
rits, showing how all their glory sprang from their
union with the supreme Good. His ecstasy was
now so great that he cried out, and shouted the
name of Jesus till he awoke. He told me that
for about three days he scarcely knew where he
was, his soul was so wrapped up in the heavenly
vision. I felt my soul much refreshed by his con¬
versation.
Sunday, March 30.—On Tuesday night I
dreamed I was sitting by a table, on which lay
the large volume of my dear Mr. Fletcher's Life.
I was at that time very thoughtful about the
printing of his Works, fearing any thing should
be done that he would not approve. He came into
the room, but I did not look up; and being desi¬
rous to be alone, I went into the next room and
sat down. He called to me with his own well-
known voice, saying, "What, art thou so afraid
of me as to go out of the room as I come in?"
I started up and cried, No, my dear, I am not
afraid of thee. I then returned, and sat down in
my chair by the table; he sat on the other side.
Then taking up the book he said, "There is no
need for anxiety; I would have thee read this book;
it will give thee pleasure. Take it up now; thou
wilt find something that will encourage thee."
Two days after I received a letter from Mr. Ben-
LIFE OE MRS. FLETCHER. 495
eon, informing me that a person in London had
translated Mr. Fletcher's French poem into Eng¬
lish, and they had some thought of printing it
with his other Works, if found to be done in a
respectable manner. Then I understood that my
dear love told me of it, in order to prevent the
uneasiness I should have felt had he not shown a
degree of approval. I had no recollection of the
poem; and that he should know I had not read
the Life, and thus comfort me under the anxiety
which I felt, was very pleasing to me. 0 how in¬
dulging is my Heavenly Father!
May 24.—A thought has much dwelt on my
mind for some days, that we should many times
in a day ask ourselves, Am I now causing joy or
grief in heaven? We are told there is joy in
heaven over the sinner that repenteth, and, by
parity of reason, over the advance of every child
of God. Those wofds, (spoken of our Lord,) fol¬
low me much, "In all their afflictions he was af¬
flicted." He hath taken our whole nature, and
so will abide eternally. But his passions are all
regulated by the Divine nature. So in the case
of Lazarus it is said, " He groaned in spirit, and
troubled himself."* It appears, then, that he
looks with delight or with mourning on his child¬
ren. It is said, "As a bridegroom rejoiceth over
his bride, so will the Lord thy God rejoice over
thee: he will rest in his love; he will joy over
thee with singing." And the idea that by turn¬
ing away from this hurtful thought I am giving
* In the original it is so.—Ed.
496 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
pleasure to my Saviour, and resisting Satan, is a
very animating conviction; but, alas! I cannot
express it in words: it is as if Jesus said, "My
desire is toward thee; let me not lose one thought."
June 30.—Blessed be the name of the Lord for
the answers to prayer I have experienced of late!
One above all the rest demands my loudest praise.
I have long been crying for my soul to be all eye,
so that I should discern an unprofitable thought
in its approach; and now I have, for one particu¬
lar day, felt this power continually for about a
month. I do not mean that my thoughts do not
wander from the various objects which occur;*
but if a thought would present itself so as to take
up the mind unnecessarily, in a moment I am
warned and enabled to stand upon my guard. 0
my adorable Saviour, come and fully possess my
soul, and give me such a measure of thy enlight¬
ening Spirit that I may clearly discern the things
which are given me of God!
Monday, July 7.—Last night, wben I came out
from the society meeting, I found a letter from
London, informing me of the death of my dear
brother Samuel, who died about eleven in the fore¬
noon on Friday last, the 4th of this month. I have
had much encouragement in my mind about him
for some days, and so have some of my spiritual
friends. His death seems to bring eternity very
near.
August 14.—Three seven years have I walked
in widowhood. 0 what a situation was I in this
^ * See Mr. Wesley's admirable sermon on Wandering Thoughts.—
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 497
day twenty-one years! What trials have I since
known, but what mercies also! Yes, my gra¬
cious Lord, I find thou dost order all for me!
This day I renew my covenant to be all the
Lord's. I know not what bitter cups may yet be
preparing for me, but I here cast myself wholly
into thy hands! My body is weak with age, and
threatened with many painful disorders; but I
leave all to thy adorable will. Miss Tooth seems
threatened with a consumption. This would be
an unspeakable loss, for she takes off all care from
me, and is in every way an abundant comfort and
hety; but this I also offer up to thee, my Lord.
September 12.—This day I enter into my sixty-
eighth year. None of my family have lived to
my age. Lord, what shall I do to live more
abundantly to thee ? 0 that I may take up every
cross, and embrace it as a precious jewel! 0, the
great advantage of living in the will of God!
November 12.—A memorable day to me! This
day twenty-five years I gave my hand to my dear
Mr. Fletcher. 0, what a oneness of soul do I
feel with him still! Lord, give me the meetness
to partake of that joy he lives in! I have of late
been convinced it would help my faith to consider
deeply what great loving-kindness and guardian
care I have experienced from the Lord, since he
hath taken my dear partner to glory. I may say
indeed, Goodness and mercy hath followed me all
my days. What a mercy that this house is still
my home! The vicar might have wanted it him¬
self, or he might wish to let it to some other per¬
son. But in this Mr. Burton hath shown me
42*
498 life or mrs. fletcher.
much kindness, as also Mr. Kenerson, the patron:
may God bless them for it, and give them both
everlasting habitations! At this time I feel my
soul drawn out after a closer union with the Lord.
February 13, 1807.—Though offences will
come, yet we have great cause to be thankful
that the work prospers. Since the beginning of
this year we have had seven triumphant deaths.
One of them was Mrs. B. * When I first saw her,
she was an object of great pity. She had lived
in affluence, but was reduced almost to beggary.
She had no bed. I procured a little one for her,
and she praised the Lord abundantly. She had
for more than half a year lain on the ground.
"It was," said she, "very hard, and my bones
were sore; but I enjoyed such communion with
God, it bore me above all." She has suffered
much for many years, but always had the conso¬
lations of God, and sometimes very abundant.
A few weeks before her death, when her son came
home one day, she said, "I have had such a mani¬
festation of the love of God as I cannot describe.
I think if I was in heaven I could not enjoy more
than I do!" This continued with her to the last.
She was one of the Lord's hidden jewels indeed,
little known or noticed among men. Her appear¬
ance was mean, but she was "glorious within."
Another was a child not twelve years old, the son
of W. Smith. He had a long and severe illness,
during which the Lord brought him to rest in the
will of God to a degree which amazed those about
him, and much comforted his parents. Some time
before his death, he had a wonderful manifesta-
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
499
tion of the love of God. He cried out to his fa¬
ther and mother to be all in earnest. "It is,"
said he, "worth your while. 0, what do I see!
how pretty! how sweet! how grand! how glo¬
rious!" Then, as conversing with the Lord, he
said, "Lord Jesus, shall I come now? Shall I
come now? I want to be with thee. Let me
conic now!" He became silent for some time;
then he said, "Not now, I must suffer longer."
Three or four times after this he had glorious
manifestations. In one of them, he told his fa¬
ther how his soul had been grieved to see their
workmen play and trifle. "Sure," said he,
"they forgot that God sees them every moment;
and when I think of backsliders, it makes my
heart ready to bleed to think there are any who
do not love Jesus." He pointed to a chest of
drawers and said, "Father, if those drawers were
full of gold, I would not take it for what I feel
and see." When near death, as he sat in the
chair, (for he could not lie down nor lean back,
for want of breath,) he told them how happy he
was, and yet how very bad. He then said, "Fa¬
ther, put the pillow; I will try to lean back."
When this was done, he cried out, "Triumph!
triumph!" He then fell into a sweet sleep for
about three-quarters of an hour; when turning
his face on one side, he died without any struggle.
The others all died in clear light, but I have not
the particulars.
March 5.—Glory be to God, I see more and
more his tender care is over me and mine. I
have had a time of trial from Miss Tooth's illness
500 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCIIER.
this last fortnight, hut much mercy was mixed
with judgment. Lord, spare her, if it please
thee! Thou knowest I have need of her help,
hut thy will is the arm of the rock I cling to
when the waves go over my head, and I know
that rock will never fail me.
A thought has struck my mind, that from some
things mentioned in the notes subjoined to the
Portrait of St. Paul, edited by Mr. Gilpin, after
my dear husband's death, he might be thought to
favor the opinions of Baron Swedenborg. I
therefore think it my duty to bear witness to the
contrary. The first book which he saw con¬
tained but little amiss, and Mr. Wesley having
observed concerning it, " I think it will neither
do good nor harm," Mr. Fletcher, soon after
writing to his brother, who had mentioned it,
observed that it was a book which he did not
condemn. But when he had seen a little more
of the ^Baron's works, he said to me one day,
"Polly, I believe Mr. will be a Sweden-
borger, and I am very sorry for it." I said,
" Well, if he can believe that there are wax candles
and feasts in heaven, he must have strange ideas."
Mr. Fletcher replied, " My dear, thou dost not
perceive the snake in the grass. These books
deny the atonement, and so strike at the very root
of all true religion." In the same mind he con¬
tinued to the last.
April 3.—I feel within these few days a draw¬
ing nearer to the Lord; and a loving recollection
of his presence to be the element in which alone
my soul can grow. I feel an increasing ex-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 501
pectation that tie Lord will come, and take up
his abode iu my soul. That Terse in Jeremiah,
chap, xxxii., is much on my mind, "I will make
an everlasting covenant with them, that I will
not turn away from them, to do them good; hut
I will put my fear in their hearts, that they shall
not depart from me. Yea, I will rejoice over
them to do them good, and I will plant them in
this land assuredly with my whole heart, and
with my whole soul." I look now hourly for
this, that, according to my former promise, I may
" feed on Carmel and Bashan," and my soul he
satisfied in a close communion with God.
August 14.—This day twenty-two years my
dearly heloved husband entered glory. When
I awoke this morning, the first thought presented
to my mind was, How has my soul grown in these
twenty-two years ? I felt a deep sinking before
the Lord, that it had not grown more abundantly.
I am sensible of a progress, but, alas ! it is very
small when compared with what might have been.
I place in Jesus my whole confidence. My hope
is in him as my great High Priest, and those words
are very sweet to me, " The author and finisher
of our faith." 0 my adorable Saviour, I am as
the clay in thy hand; make me such a vessel as
thou shalt choose me to be ! Some things have
occurred which, years ago, would have 'been a
great trial. But I now see and feel a great
beauty in the cross; and have such evident
proof that he orders all, that I can leave all my
cares in his hand.
September 11.—If I live till to-morrow, I shall
502 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
be sixty-eight years old, and my dear Mr. Fletcher
would on that day have been seventy-eight. 0 how
long has he been in glory before me ! He was ripe,
and sweetly gathered into the garner. Lord, prepare
thy poor creature to follow him. I have had my
niece Whittingham (my dear sister's daughter)
with me for some time, whom I had not seen
since she was twelve years old. I have found
much satisfaction in the interview. Blessed be
God for the work wrought on her soul, and for
the pious husband the Lord hath provided for
her. How much better is she off than if she had
remained in the world ! Truly, " Godliness hath
the promise of this life, and of that which is to
come." I am surrounded with blessings : I want
no earthly comfort. 0 that I had a more grate¬
ful heart!
December 15.—I have been a fortnight laid
aside from a bad cold, and much weakness on my
lungs; fbut what cause have I to praise the Lord !
I have experienced his tender care in many ways.
One night, when more ill than before, I was offer¬
ing up my soul and body for time and eternity,
into the hand of my gracious Redeemer, and
longing for a fuller preparation for that day, which
I saw could not be far off; and being hardly able
to keep in bed for want of breath, I found, all at
once, as if I were surrounded or overshadowed with
a sweet and sacred power ! I cannot describe it;
but I felt as if I was so encircled by and drawn
into the presence of God, that nothing could ap¬
proach to hurt me ! I said, Not a thought can
arise " to disturb my beloved till he please." It
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER,
503
lasted about half au hour, and showed me how
easy the Saviour can enclose the soul as an island
in the midst of the sea!
December 31.—0 my God, how do I close this
year? I am still confined to my chamber, and
mend but slowly. But I feel the Lord is at work
on my soul. I pant for a more lively faith, and,
blessed be God, I found an increase since this ill¬
ness. Truly, he makes all my bed iu my sick¬
ness, and keeps me night and day.
January 1, 1808.—And do I see the beginning
of another year? Yes, my Saviour! thou dost
yet spare me. I have been some time in a near
prospect of death. 0 that I may use every mo¬
ment to gain more of thy likeness ! I cannot be
far from eternity. 0 my God, make me ready!
I have not been able to begin this year with the
dear people as usual, being still confined, yet
mercy is in all my cup. How light are my pains
compared with others !
February 9.—Blessed be the Lord, he hath
wonderfully renewed my strength ! I have been
out these three weeks, and have gone through
my meetings in the week as before; and, praised
be the Lord ! I feel greater liberty than ever.
The other day I found among some old papers a
few lines I wrote many years ago. They were
blessed to me; and, as I hope they will be a bless¬
ing to others, I transcribe them.
Saturday, July 18, 1761.—We had a good
time at the meeting this morning, at Brother
Biggs's. Mr. Fletcher was with us; and as I was
speaking of my discouragements, he said, " Make
504
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
more use of Jesus. The reason why you find a
spark of faith and love when you repeat those
words, ' On thine arm do I trust'—which you do
not feel at other tim^s, is because at that time
you make an act of faith; but you do not con¬
tinue that act of faith, which is the reason you
do not always feel the same. If ' our anchor is
cast within the veil,' we must be casting it farther
and farther, that we may draw our souls nearer
and nearer to God. There is nothing which draws
my soul to God like the consideration of his love
to me : it is on that I must fix my eyes, and when
I feel my heart has wandered, and I am cold and
dead, and unable to watch and pray, this is my
method—I return just as I am to Christ, and
cast myself again on his mercy, pleading, Thou
art the righteousness of the ungodly, the strength
of the weak, the helper of the helpless : thou art
the friend of sinners; in short, he is the God of
fallen man." He again observed, " He doth not
require us to stay for a broken heart; for what
would repentance avail if he did not work it?
"We also lose much for want of thankfulness.
We should praise God for every good desire we
feel, though, perhaps, as yet, we have not power
to put it in practice."
Mr. Maxfield was, at that time, a very blessed
instrument among us, and great power attended
his word; although very painful things after¬
ward occurred.* I do not think myself clear un¬
less I bear testimony to that truth. I took down
* He separated from Mr. Wesley, and did much harm in the
London society.—En.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 505
a few particulars of a sermon of his, which I will
here repeat.
Sunday, November 2, 1761.—Mr. Maxfield
preached on the history of the Israelites taking
Jericho. lie observed, " By what is said of Jeri¬
cho, we may be instructed concerning the evils
contained in our hearts. It was the ' Captain of
the Lord's host/ by whose command Joshua
acted; and this Captain was our Lord Jesus, who
still goeth before every one who believes in his
name. But," added he, tc there is one thing
very material to observe—'Jericho was straitly
shut up, none went out, and none came in/
Now, is this the case with your hearts ? Are you
watching over your ear, your eye, your tongue ?
Are you careful neither to see, hear, nor speak
any thing but what tends to draw your souls to
God ? Many of you will perhaps ask, Why did
not the walls of Jericho, my corrupt heart, fall
before the Lord, as I have been seeking so many
years ? I will tell you why—your Jericho is not
' straitly shut up/ It may be that every idle story
your neighbor brings to your ears, or foolish
imagination Satan suggests to your minds, finds a
ready entertainment, and your minds are filled
with unprofitable thoughts, which, like a crowd,
get between you and your Saviour. You might
seek thus for ten thousand years, and be no
nearer. Every thought that doth not tend to¬
ward God, if indulged, stops the work of sancti-
fication; and you will never advance toward
holiness, till you exert with resolution the power
which God hath given you, in resisting steadfastly
43
50G
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
every thought and word which would come be¬
tween your soul and Christ. But those who are
thus watching and keeping their hearts, so that
nothing can find entrance till it be examined, and
known from whence it comes, let them take
courage. I am sure your souls thus waiting will
not wait long before your 'Joshua will command
them to shout!' Only let them believe, and con¬
tinue to watch. The Israelites were bid not to
shout, nor make any noise, till they were com¬
manded: and when that moment should come was
known only to Joshua. They believed and fol¬
lowed. So let us hang by a simple faith on Jesus,
listening every moment what his Spirit shall dic¬
tate to our hearts; for 'the Captain of the Lord's
host' is with us, and ' he hath his sword drawn in
his hand' to conquer all our adversaries. And
though you feel your sinful tempers, be not dis¬
couraged, for the inhabitants "of Jericho were not
only alive to the last, but in full strength. When
the power of faith comes, the strong walls of un¬
belief shall drop down, and you shall go up and
possess the good land! How little and idle it
would appear in the eyes of these enemies, thus
to walk around the walls, blowing rams' horns!
So we think our labor and spiritual thriving avail
nothing; but only let us continue to cut off every
word or thought which would give food to the
old man, and thus obey, in firm reliance that
' our Joshua will be the author and finisher of our
faith,' and we shall find him ' faithful who hath
promised, who also will do it.' "
March 3.—This was a good morning to me:
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 507
the Lord was very present when I awoke; and I
had such a view of the all-sufficiency of the Sa¬
viour as I cannot express ! such a safety in trust¬
ing in his arm alone ! That thought struck me—
many great kings have said, " I have no cause to
fear, for I have vast armies, great allies," etc.
But 0, what a fly did it all appear to me, when
compared to the power I felt in that simple word,
u Jesus is on my side
March 18.—Yesterday I found an increase of
faith. 0, what repeated proofs I have that the
Lord doth watch over his poor creature with
guardian care ! I had something to do in the
work of God which was attended with difficulty;
and yet I scarcely knew how to go out in the
sharp east wind. But 0, how was every thing
ordered ! I found also such liberty in visiting the
sick, as if every word was immediately given me.
I had such a view into the way of faith, and the
atonement was made so clear, as I cannot express.
I saw also the Lord's tender care in a variety of
other occurrences. What a freedom from care
hath the soul who singly trusts in Jesus!
March 29.—I cannot be thankful as I would
for the restoration of health which I feel. Cold
as it is, I have been enabled to keep to all my
meetings—seven or eight times a week; and my
nights are as comfortable as when I was but
twenty. I feel no complaint of my breath, when
still, nor in bed. 0, that I might use all my
little strength to the glory of God ! I see death
very near, notwithstanding this amendment.
On looking o^er my journal, I miss some ob-
508
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
serrations which I wrote on the death of my dear
father in Christ, Mr. Wesley. I think I must
have mislaid that sheet, or perhaps lent, and so
lost it. However, I wish now to bear my testi¬
mony to the truth. I shall have cause to Mess
God throughout eternity that ever I knew that
precious and highly favored servant of the Lord
Jesus. He was indeed a star in the Almighty's
hand, and a wonderful instrument of good to our
nation. When I was very low, after my dear
husband's death, among the many gloomy thoughts
which came to my mind, one was, that I had not
so profited by Mr. Wesley's excellent advice as I
might have done; and I wrote to him expressing
that sentiment; to which he gave me the follow¬
ing answer : " My dear sister, I do not remember
you ever disobliged me in any thing. On the
contrary, you have for these many years done
every thing in your power to oblige me." Indeed,
I saw it my duty so to do, and must acknowledge
my many and great obligations to that great and
good man.
May 2G.—How good do I find it to lie quiet in
the hand of Jesus ! All, all works for good. I
have been ill with a cold three weeks, and trust I
am laid aside for a season in order to gain the
blessings of retirement. Some fatigues which
have occurred from company rather threw me
back. The providence of God appeared so clear
I could only say, 0 how true is that word,—
"Jesus doth my burden bear,
Jesus takes my every care!''
Some nights when I could not lie down for the
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 509
cough, and want of breath, I felt a sweet sense of
the presence of God, and of the heavenly spirits !
Not any particular rapture, but a solemn conscious¬
ness ; and those words were with me continually,—
"Do what thou wilt with this weak clay,
But let me all thy mind fulfil,
But let me all thy will obey."
June 1.—Blessed be the Lord, I am better,
and was enabled to meet the class yesterday
morning, though I spoke with difficulty. This
morning I have found an increase of faith in
reading the 10th chapter of Hebrews. 0, that
perfect, that complete sacrifice! Yes, he hath
once for all paid the whole debt; there is there¬
fore a free and open way into the holiest! I see
death so near, I find it on my heart to pray for,
and take thought of, the work of God in this
place. 0, my Saviour, cause it to increase abun¬
dantly ! Keep away stumbling-blocks, and pour
out thy Spirit in a peculiar manner on my dear
husband's orphans. I could wish Miss Tooth to
remain in Madeley, if a way should be made for
her, and that she might be able to take in the
preachers. I can see no other way so likely and
proper; and I think it would be the most com¬
fortable for them. All is in the hand of the
Lord. She has the cause of God truly at heart,
and if her health is restored, she will, I believe,
be yery useful to the people. That word I think
of with pleasure, All things are beautiful in their
season. So I trust I shall find it. 0 that death
may have no sting for me, and that her way may
be opened before her by the Lord!
43*
510 life of mrs. fletcher.
August 4.—Having been told by several per¬
sons that a report has got abroad that my dear
Mr. Fletcher expressed a sorrow for having wrote
his Checks to Antinomianism, and that he
died in quite a different opinion, I do solemnly
aver there is no truth in the assertion. So far
from that, a little before his death, speaking of
the hurt that so close an application had caused
to his health, I said, But thou dost not repent the
labor ? He replied, " 0 no, it was a great bless¬
ing to my soul. And if my strength was wasted
thereby, it was in the cause of truth." I never
knew him have the least variation in his senti¬
ments ; and I am sure he did not willingly conceal
any part of his mind from me, any more than I
did from him.
I had this morning a solemn look at death.
Many complaints seem to be gathering about me,
and they seem to portend sufferings; but I feel a
spirit of true sacrifice, and those words are sweetly
on my mind,—
" Leave to his sovereign sway
To choose and to command;
So shalt thou wondering own his way,
How wise, how good his hand I"
August 17.—From an uncommon hurry of
strangers being here, and other circumstances, I
have had no time for writing in my journal,
though I should have liked to set down many
things. All the last week was very solemn : the
day of my dear husband's death falling on the
Sabbath this year, brought each scene to its own
period, and caused me frequently to look back
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 511
and praise the Lord, who had preserved me in the
deep waters through which I at that time passed.
I had a most humbling view of the little progress
I have since made; yet I found a great confidence
in my good Shepherd, whose wise providence I
have seen and experienced in a remarkable man¬
ner. He does so fit my strength to my day, and
orders all in such wonderful mercy, that truly I
aui constrained to say, (unworthy as I am,)
" Round me and beneath are spread
The everlasting arms."
September 12.—At eight o'clock this morning,
sixty-nine years ago, I was born. How many
dangers I have passed through ! But Thy merci¬
ful arm has been over me, and proved by a thou¬
sand and a thousand ways that the hairs of my
head are indeed numbered. 0, my great Deliverer!
how hast thou stood by me, and heaped mercy
upon mercy on me.
September 15.—I feel a fresh beam of light
upon my soul! a further discovery of the extent
of the atonement. On Tuesday night, when at
prayer, I found the eye of faith grow brighter and
the open fountain more plain before me. 0 the
liberty the believer hath of coming every moment
to the Saviour ! If I shut my eyes, I may fancy the
sun doth not shine; but the veil is not on the
sun, but on my eyes. The Saviour saith, Whoso¬
ever cometh unto me I will in nowise cast out.
Lord, give me ever to feel the sense of this truth
which I now do, that every moment I may wash my
'robes, and both make and keep them white, for
thy blood cleanseth from all sin.
512
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
Blessed be God, another is gone to her rest, our
dear sister Benbow, the account of whom, by Miss
Tooth, I had not time before to enter. " From
what Mrs. Benbow has told me, I have reason to
believe she had been under the drawings of God
from her earliest youth. Some years since she
began to come to the Monday meetings at Made-
ley. These she found so profitable, that although
the difficulty was great, owing to her weakness,
she would still persevere. These last three years
she has been confined by illness, but often ex¬
pressed her longing desire to be at those oppor¬
tunities again, if the Lord should permit. Up¬
ward of two years ago I went to see her, and I
may say I have counted it my privilege and honor
to visit her at every opportunity since that time.
She drank in instruction from either conversation
or reading. The experience and death of the
children of God were the delight of her soul.
Mr. Fletcher's Letters, and his Appeal, were much
blessed to her. Concerning the latter she would
say, ' Blessed be God for that book, for it hath
taught me the way to Jesus by faith.' When I
have been reading to her, observing her pain to
be so violent, I have for a time laid the book
aside; but she would say, 'No, read on, it does
me good: it refreshes me, and gives me encour¬
agement. 0 what should I do if his everlasting
arms were not underneath me ? but he does sweetly
support me, glory be unto him.'
" She suffered great pain, even to agony, yet
not one murmuring word was heard to drop from
her lips. In one minute she would be crying out
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
513
with the violence of the pain, the next she would
be saying, 1 Thy will be done, my sweet Saviour !
I would suffer all thy will.
" I the chief of sinners am,
But Jesus died for me."
I feel great peace, and those words are powerfully
applied, I know that my Redeemer liveth. I can
say, with David, Though my flesh and my heart
faileth, God is the strength of my heart, and my
portion for ever. 0 that word, for ever ! There
is something so sweet in that word, for ever !'
Another day, as I entered the room, she cried out
with triumphant joy, 1 His banner over me is love !
0 the sweet times I have had this last week in
reading the Scriptures !' Another time, as I was
observing the power of Divine grace in loosing
the hfiart from earthly attachments, she said, ' I
prove that; for time was when I seemed to have
ten thousand ties to this world, but now I have
not one. Jesus has broke every chain.' Through
all her sufferings her constant language was bless¬
ing and praising the Lord for his goodness; ever
declaring all her trust and confidence was in the
atoning blood. Often, in the midst of the most
exquisite suffering, she would enumerate her
mercies, saying, ' What comforts I am surrounded
with ! Such tender, affectionate children to nurse
me ! And, above all, the prayers of God's people.
0,1 cannot tell half the things that call for thank¬
ful praise.' When the preachers or Mr. Waiter
visited her, she has often observed to me with
delight what a blessing it was to her. On June
3d she told me she had neither doubt nor fear,
514
LIFE OF MRS. ELETCHER.
nothing disturbed her; and though in the most
violent pain, she cried out, 'Not one pain less! I
would not have one pain less, if this is thy will,
my sweet Lord Jesus !' In the night of the 7th
of June she waked, and said, 'I am quite well!
I have neither ache nor pain.' Miss Benbow,
who sat up with her, being much affected, and
not immediately replying, she again cried out,
'Nancy, I have neither ache nor pain! Give
praise to the Lord! 0 give thanks to God !'
Miss Benbow said, 'And are you happy, mother?'
She answered, 'Yes, quite so.' A short time be¬
fore she departed she said, ' Sweet Jesus, come
quickly F These were the last words she uttered.
From this time she lay with a smiling countenance,
that bespoke a sweet serenity within; and at thQ
last she went off so quietly that they could scarcely
perceive when she drew her last breath, whick
was on Thursday morning, June 9, 1808."
November 12.—Memorable day to me 1 This
day twenty-seven years (the day of my marriage) I
was full of anxiety at this hour; but 0 what
cause have I had to rejoice in the transaction of
that day! As the morning approached, I felt a
fresh conviction that this is the day I peculiarly
consecrate to my adorable Lord ; and I felt it good
to wait upon the Lord. My faith was invigorated,
and my expectation enlarged. 0 how little doth
all appear to me that is not eternity!
December 6.—I have been called since I wrote
last to a new dispensation. I had more than two
months been lame at times with my right knee,
yet walked about, though with some pain. But
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 515
some days since it grew worse, till last Thursday,
when it was so well I could walk without a stick,
and thought myself cured. That night, as I was
going to bed, in a moment I felt a pain in it which
rendered me quite helpless. How it will end I
know not, hut I feel a sweetness in repeating,
" My Father cannot err, and I will never choose."
This trial has been much blessed to me. It brings,
eternity near. I have also had a deeper con¬
viction of the need of a more earnest pursuing
after entire holiness, and my mind has been more
stayed on the Lord, and kept in more abundant
peace. I knew not how I should be got out of
the chamber, but we found a chair with wheels,
which would go through the doors, so that I can
be brought in and out of the study; and such a
number of little helps (but to me great ones) has
occurred, that I see the hand of my dear Father
in all around me as I cannot express.
December 13.—Last night I had pain, but,
blessed be the Lord, with a mixture of ease and
rest. My complaint is said to be an inflammation
on the knee-bone; but I am affected in various
ways. As I had to sit up in bed a good while in
the night, I felt it profitable.
December 26.—This has been a solemn Christ¬
mas to me. Though confined to my room, my
soul has been on a stretch for holiness, especially
to-day. 0 what cause of praise ! How truly is
that promise fulfilled,* "Do not be frightened,
God will make you a comfortable habitation."
* See page 251.
516 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
And so he doth indeed ; and that other word, so
often given me of late, "As one whom his mother
comforteth, so will I comfort thee." Yes, I can
rely on his dear arm, and cling to his will. But
0 ! I long that God should take up the whole
of my heart as his abiding throne !
March 20, 1809.—Yesterday was a comfortable
Sabbath. The Lord carried me through all the
four meetings,* and blessed me with his gracious
presence, glory be to his holy name! Beading
those words of Baxter, " There is far more pro¬
cured for us by Christ than we lost in Adam,"
1 felt a peculiar power in it; and while meditat¬
ing thereon I said in my heart, Then how great
may our expectations be ! Immediately that word
came to my mind, Open thy mouth wide, and I
will fill it. O my God, how shall I comprehend
what thou hast to bestow! . 0 for more of that
sacred violence which takes the kingdom by force!
March 22.—We had much hurry yesterday,
but, blessed be God, I felt great calmness all day.
My meditation ran much on that Scripture, "He
that receiveth you receiveth me;" and again,
"Whatsoever ye do to one of the least of these is
done unto me. This morning, feeling some symp¬
toms of a very painful disorder, I was pfferiDg it
up to the Lord, that he might do all his will upon
me, when I thought of those lines :
"The Lord my pasture shall prepare,
And feed me with a shepherd's care;
His presence shall my wants supply,
And guard me with a watchful eje:
My noonday walks he shall attend,
And all my midnight hours defend."
* It seems she had now recovered from her lameness.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 517
I felt a power as I repeated them, but afterward
doubly so—it was given me as my own. Yes, my
faithful Lord, "Thou wilt not suffer me to be
tempted above what I am able, but wilt, with the
temptation, make a way to escape, that I may
be able to- bear it." I feel an increase of both
faith and love. Lord, let me grow stronger and
stronger in thee !
April 5.—I have lately received some par¬
ticular answers to prayer. Lord, let my gratitude
bear proportion to my mercies ! I have been now
able to go out for several weeks, and to attend all
my meetings, often very comfortably, even eight
or nine times in a week. My breath is better
than it has been for years; and though my
limbs are weak and stiff, I can walk so as to visit
some sick who are near to us, and go up and down
stairs many times a day: blessed be the Lord,
who holds all our disorders in his hand, and times
them as he sees good. 0 that I may use all my
remaining strength to his glory !
April 2G.—Glory be to God, I have felt him
working on my soul for some days, and drawing
my mind into a more steady recollection. Read¬
ing {he account of Israel passing over Jordan, I
was led to reflect that I had nothing to do but be¬
lieve, and follow the Lord, and all difficulties would
vanish out of my way in spiritual things, as they had
done in temporal. He will fulfil all his gracious
pr< anises. Yes, my faithful Saviour, I look for the
blessed moment when I shall have my delight in the
Almighty beyond all I have ever known. I feel
a glorious day approaching. Lord, hasten the hour!
44
518
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
In order to make the day more profitable; let
me consider:—I usually rise between five and
six. Then let me behold Jesus, by the eye of
faith, sitting on the right hand of God, exalted
in glory, yet looking down on me, inclining his
gracious ear to my prayer, and saying, " Let me
hear thy voice: pray without ceasing. Every
one that asketh receiveth." My heart shall
answer, 0 most faithful and loving Saviour, per¬
mit me again to throw myself at thy dear feet.
Thy mercy hath preserved me this night from
men and devils. Thou hast made me to rest in
safety. For this my soul doth adore thee ! And
I praise thee, O Lord, for some degree of health
While many are in racking pain, I am in ease,
and have the use of my understanding, and a
comfortable degree of sight and hearing; yea,
thou hast preserved to me the use of all my
limbs and faculties; and here I consecrate them
all to thee ! 0 take my soul and body's powers,
and let them he at thy disposal this day. I here
renew my covenant to become altogether thine,
and to be obedient to thy will. Whatever thou
shalt appoint this day, O my Lord and Master,
give me to receive it in the Divine order! Give
me this day to watch every moment, that I may
not lose one opportunity of taking up my cross,
nor of doing good either to the souls or bodies
of men. Yea, let me strive to confer happiness
or comfort on every one, even to the brute crea¬
tion. This is thy will. 0 do not suffer me to
miss one instance in which I might have such an
honor! 0 Lord, grant thy Spirit's teaching, that
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 519
I may lie at thy feet, and listening to thy voice,
have power to obey it. Give me, 0 Lord, this
day, the spirit of recollected prayer! that prayer
of faith which cannot go unanswered. And, 0
my Lord, I entreat thee, by all the mercy and love
thou hast shown me, thy most unworthy creature,
that thou wouldst favor me with the key of the
Holy Scriptures ! Thou knowest, 0 Lord, it is a
sealed book till thou openest the seals thereof.
Confer on me, I beseech thee, that teaching of thy
Spirit, that I may discern the deep truths, the
glorious promises, and all the sacred mysteries
which lead to close communion with thyself!
That I may, in my measure, " comprehend, with
all saints, the length, and breadth, and depth, and
height of thy incomprehensible love I"
May 28.—This morning I was led to look back
on the mercies of my past life; and I was amazed
to see how in every part of it such tender love
had been mixed with my crosses. "When in my
father's house, though I had many things to pass
through which were trials and humiliations, yet
when I could get into my own room I seemed to be
quite comfortable, and had a continual sense that
God would deliver me out of all when his time
was come. When I was removed from my fa¬
ther's house, to my little lodging of two rooms at
Hoxton, though really very inconvenient, it ap¬
peared as a most sweet asylum to me. When I
took the little house on the roadside, I thought
it a palace ! And though there was much, very
much, to ask forgiveness for in all those places,
yet there were abundant blessings; and I can
520
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
recollect many messages from heaven in them all.
I next removed to Laytonstone. There I seemed
in the land of Goshen; and though I can now
look back and wonder how I stood under the
galling crosses I had to encounter, yet, at the
time, they often appeared swallowed up in mercies !
At Cross Hall in Yorkshire, I had many humilia¬
tions and cares, but I often thought that situa¬
tion better than all the others, and that if the
Lord would open me a way to abide there, it
would be a great favor. But 0, he had some¬
thing better, far better for me. He brought me
through fire and water, to this spot—to Madeley;
and of all my situations, none hath been equal to
this. 0 the loving-kindness of my God! I re¬
member in the year 1766, being from home on a
journey with sister Kyan, and under very great
trials, both outward and inward, as I was one day
in prayer, those words were applied to me with a
peculiar power, " I will bring Israel again to his
habitation, and he shall feed on Carmel and Ba-
shan, and his soul shall be satisfied on Mount
Ephraim and Gilead. At that time, and in those
days, shall the iniquity of Israel be1 sought for,
and there shall be none, and the sin of Judah,
and it shall not be found, for I will pardon them
whom I reserve." This was so deeply impressed
on my mind, that when after some months' ab¬
sence we returned home, I looked out (as well
as I was able) the meaning of the words in the
Hebrew Lexicon. I now repeat it here, being
conscious that at this very time I feel the begin¬
ning of the accomplishment. Outwardly it is
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 521
indeed made good. I am in a most peaceful
habitation; and some of the clusters of grapes
from Canaan I do taste of, and sit as on the banks
of Jordan, waiting to be brought over.
August 10.—At present 1 am under a par¬
ticular exercise. Some time ago, I found my re¬
lations deeply laid on my mind, especially my
dear brother William, and my brother's widow.
I thought, I have not been faithful to them; and
feared, as I had not seen them for twenty years,
I never should see them again. I laid it before
the Lord in earnest prayer. A circumstance oc¬
curred which gave me some encouragement.
But how was I surprised when I received a letter
that they were coming to see me ! They are now
here. My soul is drawn out much in their be¬
half. Lord, I look unto thee; be thou my helper,
and enable me to confess thee faithfully before
men, that I may not have the blood of souls found
upon me!
24.—Glory be to God, I have found him very
gracious indeed. All has been as I could have
wished, and I had freedom and comfort in our
different interviews. I saw the hand of the Lord
in every circumstance. 0 what a Saviour have
I! Since that time some trials have occurred
which have affected my health. I feel a great
inward sinking, and by various symptoms it seems
that the Lord is reminding me the hour is not far off.
0 my adorable Saviour, give me but to glorify
thee to the last moment, to feel my whole will
lost in thine!
September 12.—Lord, appear in my behalf!
44*
522
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I feel my body grow very feeble, and I want a
fuller baptism of thy Spirit. My confidence is
all in thee; but I want to feel an intimate, close
communion. Once I should have been well
pleased with what I at present feel; but when
death seems very near, there needs a peculiar
smile of the Lord to carry the soul triumphantly
through the sufferings of that season. Indeed,
there are moments when he doth assure me, As
my day my strength shall be; and of late I have
found such help in times of trial that I am greatly
encouraged. This day I am seventy years old.
Ah! my Lord, how little have I done for thee in
seventy years! But I look to mere mercy. My
hope is in the Saviour! I have nothing to plead.
September 19.—Last night I was restless and
disturbed, and as I lay awake I thought, Is not
God my strongest desire? What would now give
me the most pleasure? My heart answered, "A
smile from my Lord." I then thought of heaven,
and considered myself as afresh united to my dear
husband, my Sally, and my friend Ryan. The
thought was pleasing, and raised gratitude in my
heart. But when I turned my thoughts to a
sight of and union with my Saviour, 0 how su¬
perior a spring of joy did I feel! I think I can
truly say, "Whom have I in heaven but thee?
and there is none upon earth I desire in compa¬
rison of thee!" But, Lord, I am not satisfied.
Ah, no; I want such a possession of thy love, such
an intimate union, as every moment to feel "thy
approving smile.
November 12.-—Twenty-eight years this day,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 523
and at this hour, I gave my hand and heart to
John William de la Flechere. A profitable and
blessed period of my life. I feel, at this moment,
a more tender affection toward him than I did at
that time, and by faith I now join my hand afresh
with his. My Sally, and my friend Ryan, too;—
we are one in Jesus. O that I may follow them
as they followed Christ!
January 0, 1810.—Glory be to thee, my pre¬
cious Saviour, for the great mercies I have re¬
ceived the last year! 0 how many striking an¬
swers to prayer! I feel also an increase of faith,
and begin this year with a more firm confidence
in thy faithful promises. Yes, my gracious Lord,
I abandon all, all into thy hand, both for time
and eternity. I have been reading again that ex¬
cellent work of my dear husband, "The Portrait
of St. Paul." I had not read it for many years,
but 0, how sweet did I find it! It is amazing
that it should be so clear and perfect as it is,
when I considered what he said to me about it—
that it was a rough draft wrote in his illness,
when abroad; and which he intended to write all
over again, and to improve, had he been spared
to do it. I felt a sweet unction as I read it, and
am very glad it is taken into the ninth volume of
his Works.
February 11.—I have been ill for about two
mouths, with a complaint on my lungs, but was
enabled to keep to all the meetings till Tuesday
last, when I grew much worse. My breath is ex¬
ceeding short, and the cough very severe. By the
expectoration it appears to be such a consumption
524
LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER.
as old people Lave. I am glad I Lave Lad tLese
opportunities with tLe dear people, tLougL perLaps
I Lave suffered by it. TLe Lord Las been very
present with us of late. Those words Lave been
much on my mind, " Whom Lave I in Leaven but
thee ? and there is none on earth I desire in com¬
parison of thee." I feel no care about jpy body,
only that I may do and suffer all the will of God,
as a Christian; that "patience may have its per¬
fect work."
February 25.—I still remain ill, though some¬
thing better; and it is a great addition to the trial,
that my dear friend and kind nurse, Miss Tooth,
appears to have a consumptive disorder. This
morning I was laying all before the Lord, and felt
a desire to try myself in every point of sacrifice.
I felt his will above all. Afterward that word
bore on my mind, "Stand still, and see the salva¬
tion of God."
April 27.—Yesterday was a day of trial, as to
outward things; but in the morning those words
were in a peculiar manner laid on my mind,
"Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in
him, and he will bring it to pass." I did not un¬
derstand what it meant at first, but before night
it was explained.
0 my faithful God, thou knowest all that can
approach thy children; and thy guardian care
prevents our trials by a call to a fresh trust in
thee! Many scenes of suffering appear before
me. My left breast I am told is again likely to
prove cancerous; but I lie still in the hand of the
Lord.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
525
May G.—As I was rising this morning, Mr.
Crimshaw's advice came to my mind: "At your
first awaking, spend half an hour on five things.
First, Eeturu thanks for the mercies of the night.
Second, Fray for a blessing on the new day.
Third, Examine the state of your heart. Fourth,
Meditate on some spiritual subject. Fifth, Lay a
plan for your employment of the day." I felt my
heart drawn to praise, and to entreat protecting
mercy, aud spiritual guidance for the ensuing day,
and felt my petition was heard. Then I looked
up for a spiritual subject of meditation. Imme¬
diately it occurred, "I go to prepare a place for
you." Then, "I am the way, the truth, and the
life." I felt it a profitable time.
September 6.—The other day brother Tranter
preached in my room very profitably, audftold us
afterward a remarkable answer to prayer. Mr.
E. Crowther and his wife were going to their cir¬
cuit in a borrowed gig. They came to the house
of a pious man and woman, accustomed to receive
the messengers of Jesus Christ. Having no place
for the gig, it stood out. There were some perse¬
cuting spirits in the place. In the night, the
man aud his wife found they could not sleep, and
said one to another, I feel a great weight on my
mind—perhaps some hurt is done to the gig.
They got up and went out. They found one
wheel was gone. They looked all about, but
could not find it. They returned into the house
and weut to prayer, laying before the Lord the
difficulty Mr. Crowther would be in. At last one
of them said, "It comes to my mind they have car-
526
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
ried it to such a place, (about two miles off,) and
thrown it into the swamp." The other said, "Let
us go and see." About one o'clock they set off.
When they came to the place, which was full of
water and mud, and covered with rushes, they
looked about, but could see nothing of the wheel.
They then saw a large stick; upon which the man
said, "Perhaps on this stick they carried it: let
us try again." He then took up the stick and
groped in the mud. Presently he felt the wheel.
They got it out, brought it home, and put it on
the gig. So when Mr. and Mrs. Crowther got
up, the gig was ready for them to set off. How
true is that word, "Call upon me in the time of
trouble, so I will hear thee, and thou shalt glorify
me."
September 12.—At eight o'clock this morning
I was solemnly struck with the thought: I am, at
this hour, (the time I have been told I was born,)
seventy-one years of age. I was, as I have been
told, in great danger of death from my tongue
being tied, and much bleeding ensued from hav¬
ing it cut. It was thought I should be dumb.
But thou, 0 Lord, sawest good to give me my
speech! Ah, Lord, how have I used that great
talent! How often have I abused thy goodness,
and offended with my tongue! I feel an earnest
cry for a full and perfect devotedness of soul to
thee; and my faith seems to be increased in the
belief it shall be so. While speaking on Monday
night, in a very full meeting, the Lord was very
present, and I saw such a great salvation before
me as I cannot express. And has my Saviour
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 527
borne all the curse? And has ho taken our na¬
ture into the Godhead? 0, what may we not ex¬
pect ! Lord, enlarge my faith!
November 24.—Since I last wrote, I have seen
much of the goodness of the Lord. What an an¬
swer of prayer is the amendment of Miss Tooth!
My gracious Lord would not give me sorrow upon
sorrow. 0, how good it is to stand still and see
his salvation! This summer I have been better
in health than for some years, and have found
much of his presence in the work of God.
On the 12th of this month, the day of renewed
dedication of myself to God, I felt a blessing in
the remembrance of the precious gift given me
twenty-nine years ago. 0, what a train of good
things have sprung therefrom! 0, my Lord,
none but thyself can know what an advantage I
have drawn from that union! 0 that my dear
husband's prayers may be fully answered in me,
that I may become the habitation of God through
the Spirit!
December 18.—Being ill, I could not go out,
but prayed, if the Lord saw it good, that I might
have strength for Sunday noon and Monday
night, the times when we have large congrega¬
tions; and, blessed be his name! I have had
hitherto the answer to my prayer. I felt this
morning very lame in my knees, but yet able to
walk about; and, in the room last night, the Lord
was with me, and brought me comfortably through.
January 7,1811.—And do I see another year?
0, my God, may I live this year as I have never
yet done! I have had, for six weeks, a return of
528
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
my winter cough, but have been enabled to go
out on Sunday noon and Monday night as usual.
Blessed be the Lord for that indulgence! Never
did eternity appear so near. I feel its import¬
ance; but 0,1 want it to drink up every thought,
and fill up every moment.
January 14.—The complaint on my lungs grows
worse. I seem to be going fast. Saturday and
yesterday were days of recollection, blessed be
God! I went out yesterday at noon, and had a
comfortable time with the dear people. I read
and spoke an hour. The subject was, Jacob
blessing his sons. I seemed to be no worse, and
on my return had a tolerable night.; but this
morning I feel my breath much alfected, and
my strength seems to go fast. Eternity looks
very sweet, yet I have fiery darts. I long for a
clearer view; but I praise the Lord for more
constant power to obey that command, Pray with¬
out ceasing.
February 9.—Those words seem to dwell might¬
ily on my mind, "Praying always, and watching
thereunto with all perseverance." Lord, give me
the power this day! Let my spirit every moment
be looking out for thee, as the watchman for the
morning. The Lord has been drawing my soul
nearer to himself for some days. 0 how my soul
longs to be wholly lost in God! This day I have
been greatly humbled under a sense of the little
progress I have made, seeing my lot hath been
cast with the most excellent of the earth.
May 25.—Bless the Lord, 0 my soul, and for¬
get not all his benefits! I am surrounded with
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
529
mercies. Sure none ever had more cause for
thankfulness. 0 that my heart could overflow
with praise in proportion thereto! 0, my Sa¬
viour, purify my soul unto thyself! I know thou
hast all power. The other day, as a useless
thought occurred to my mind, I felt that word
with a solemn weight—"The place where his
honor dwelleth." It called me back in a moment
with that idea, that my soul is the place where
his honor ought to dwell. It is a great thing to
keep the heart with all diligence from the dan¬
gerous avenue of the imagination. My soul doth
rejoice over some who have been brought in of
late. One young man who was very wicked came
to one of the meetings; and hearing Miss Tooth
observe, "We must have that faith which brings
purity of heart, and power over sin/' he thought,
I am sure I have no such faith. From that hour
the Lord began to work on his soul. The con¬
viction was deep; and his wife, his father and
mother, and a cousin, were stirred up through
him, and are all now members of the society.
Glory be to God, he continues all athirst both for
his own soul and others. "Every moment, Lord,
I also need the merit of thy death."
July 23.—0, how faithful is God! None ever
trusted in him and was confounded. Much of
his loving-kindness have I seen of late in the
times of united worship. Yes, my adorable Lord,
thou hast helped thy poor creature, and given me
to feel the words which I spoke. Several have
been blessed, and most sweetly brought into pure
love, and an awakening seems to spread among
530 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
believers to press forward, and seek the rest which
remains for the children of God.
August 14.—What did I feel this day twenty-
six years, when at the dying-bed of my beloved
husband! And what have I gone through since
that time! Well, it hath been all for good. I
have needed every bitter cup I have had to drink;
but what mercies have I also received! What
tender care hath my almighty and loving Redeemer
shown in my behalf! That word hath indeed
been fulfilled, "A judge of the widow is God in
his holy habitation." But I might have grown
much more than I have. 0, my Saviour, show
me how it is now with my soul! Blessed be the
name of the Lord, I feel my conscience more and
more tender, and a greater power to embrace the
cross, and to keep in the presence of God. It is
a season of trial, but I expect much spiritual good
to arise therefrom. I long to be lost and swal¬
lowed up in God.
September 12.—Glory be to thee, my gracious
Redeemer, who hast preserved me seventy-two
years! I have been for some time very poorly
with the complaint on my lungs; and one day, as
I was sitting in the study, thinking what I might
have to go through, I felt applied to my mind a
word my dear husband spoke to me, "Thou shalt
not suffer long:" then he added, "Hope to the
end, in .Jesus hope: you cannot fail if God is
love." My heart answered, God is love; and I
shall prove his faithfulness, whatever I have to go
through. Blessed be God, I am still enabled to
keep up my meetings, though with labor, and we
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 531
have much of tLe presence of God. We have now
got three new preachers on the circuit. Lord,
make their word powerful! We have prayed
much for them.
September 19.—Last night in my sleep that
word was spoken to me, "None shall pluck thee
out of my Father's hand." I did not wake, hut
in my sleep made reflections on it. 0, my pre¬
cious Lord, thou art gracious; but I long for a
closer union with thee! My breath is very short
on the least motion; and yet I can go up and
down to the meetings, blessed be God! We have
been reading in the family of late an account of
the martyrs. 0, how I admired the power of
God in them! Lord, how poor a disciple am I,
ready to shrink at a little suffering! 0 Lord,
increase my faith! Last night I was uncommonly
ill; but as I lay quiet, it was spoken as if to both
ear and heart, "Give to the winds thy fears."
Then followed the whole verse with great power:
"Give to the winds thy fears,
Hope, and bo undismayed:
God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears,
God shall lift up thy head."
October 1G.—To-day, in reading the first and
second chapters of Deuteronomy, where Moses
bids them trust in the Lord, who had done such
Wonders for them in Egypt, and in the wilderness,
etc., I was led to look back through my past life,
and consider the tender care the Lord hath taken
of me even to this hour, yea, in the smallest
things, as well as in the greatest. 0, what won¬
ders I could relate! 0, my precious Lord, in¬
crease my faith and love, I pray thee, abundantly!
532
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I see eternity very near. Lord, open my eyes to
a clearer view of that blessed world!
November 22.—Solemn thoughts the twelfth
of this month rested on my mind, and also great
thankfulness. Blessed be God for that sweet and
gracious union commenced with my dear husband
thirty years ago, and eternally to last. My asth¬
matic disorder increases, and sometimes in the
meetings I feel much difficulty. Well, all is
right. Thy will, 0 my precious Saviour, is all!
I feel a pain in the thought of giving up the Sun¬
day noon and Monday night meetings. If the
Lord would be pleased to give me strength for
these seasons, I should be thankful. I wish to
give my last breath to the dear people of God.
December 27.—0, my goul, why dost thou
not praise the Lord in a more abundant manner?
Surely I am in a land flowing with milk and ho¬
ney. Last night, when uncommonly ill with my
asthma, I was obliged to sit up in my bed a good
while, and it seemed as if my breath would stop.
0, how gracious was the Lord! I felt such a
sense of quiet safety as I cannot express! I
thought, What a mercy is a good bed; a fire in my
room; while many poor creatures are starving
with cold this hard frost! a kind friend in the
next bed, who will attend my call; and, above
all, a God of love to trust in! I said, Lord,
speak to pae! Immediately that word passed
through my mind:
"Jesus doth my burden bear,
Jesus takes my every care."
I thought of the great and amazing transaction
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 533
commemorated at tills season, and foretold for
four thousand years! Truly, "the secret of the
Lord is with those who fear him." While the
Jews expected him to come in great pomp, he
came as a babe in the manger, quite concealed
and unknown, except to a few! Here is a lesson!
Some even now can find no comfort, except in
something great, even in religion! How often
have I been thus deceived! But now I see in
another light. We are to lay hold on the smallest
encouragement; we are to accept a crumb—and
by looking in the word, and feeding on it, the
power follows. As he says, "Incline thine ear;
hear, and thy soul shall live !"
January 1, 1812.—Lord, let me begin this
year with thee! I have cause to praise the Lord
for a good night, and am much better since I
have kept in the house. But, 0 my Lord, wilt
thou give me once more to go out among the dear
people'{ Well, "Thy will be done!" all is right
that thy providence ordains. On the fifth of this
month I shall have been thirty years in this
house. That promise, given me at Bath, comes
strongly to my mind, "I will bring Israel again
to her own habitation." Truly the Lord hath
done so. I have drunk a bitter cup in losing my
dear husband, yet I am so filled with blessings,
and have such comforts and helps, that I may say
no kind of good is withheld from me. I have
also communion with my friends above; a little
while, and we shall meet to part no more. 0 my
God, I beseech thee, let me live this year, if
spared, as I have never yet done!
45*
534 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
February 6.—Many mercies I have seen in tlie
month past. Though I have not got my voice
yet sufficiently for the meetings, yet the Lord
hath given us such helpers, that all has been kept
up with advantage. Glory be to his name ! We
are very comfortable with our preachers : they are
so kind and friendly, we are quite of one heart,
and the work prospers. I have had of late a
deeper view into the mystery of redemption, and
felt much power in that word, " He appeared to
put away sin by the sacrifice of himself."
June 19.—The dear people so flock to us that
my room will scarcely hold them, though we con¬
sider it as holding three hundred, and the Lord
hath been very present indeed. I was so re¬
covered as to get out in March, and have been
able ever since to attend the meetings. I have a
prospect of great sufferings before me, but I hang
upon the will of my God, assured.that " the suf¬
ferings of the present time are not worthy to be
compared with the glory that shall be revealed."
One great answer to prayer I must mention. A
gay young lady, whom I knew from a child, it
pleased the Lord to afflict. She was deeply
awakened, and cried out, " 0, how I shudder to
look back on my past life!" In this state the
Lord manifested his mercy, and for some months
she went on most sweetly. At her death, after
bearing extreme sufferings with a lamb-like pa¬
tience, she said, " My pain is exceedingly great;
but it is not hell; and that I have richly de¬
served." Soon after she told her aunt, " I have
had a great conflict both in soul and body. I am
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 535
just going." Then she added, "0, I am so
happy !" and immediately departed.
August 14.—This is always a solemn day.
Seven and twenty years hath my beloved husband
been in glory. 0 what heights of holiness may
he have attained ! Lord, what have I gained in
this long season ? I might have attained to much
more than I have, but, blessed be the Lord, I do
feel an increase, and my spirit pants after the
"fulness of God." I find stronger faith: I am
filled with blessings! I see the hand of God in
all; and such answers to prayer as amaze me!
My body is full of infirmities, yet I am able to
creep through each day, and to work a little in
my Lord's vineyard. Truly my last days are my
best.
September 12.—I have this day reached my
seventy-third year, and I feel a strong desire that
this may be a birthday to my soul. I have such
a sense of a full blessing purchased for me, with
such a near approach to God, that I long to attain
it. I wait at the feet of my dear Saviour for a
fuller display of his love.
November 12.—It is tbirty-one years this day
since I was united to my dear husband. 0, blessed
union! What cause have I of praise for that
providence! It seems but yesterday, and he is
as near and dear as ever. I cannot see to write
half what I feel in my heart; but I will add, my
cup overflows with mercy, glory be to God!
January, 1813.—And now another year is gone,
and I see the beginning of a new one. I feel an
increase of faith within the last day or two; some
536 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
refreshing beams of glory now and then have
touched my soul. 0 for a deeper draught!
"From Sion's top the breezes blow,
And cheer us in the vale below."
February 20.—I have read with much pleasure
the account of the work of God in India. I praise
the Lord for that excellent man, Professor Francke.
It was from his college several of the missionaries
went to India, and, among others, that great in¬
strument, Mr. Swartz. Glory be to God, who
hath raised up these "angels of the Churches."
Every look at them makes me shrink into no¬
thing. Yet we may be permitted to follow them
with our prayers. Lord, increase the number of
such men! Bless their endeavors, and fill theni
with thy Spirit !*
April 20.—Since I wrote last, on March the
third, my dear brother William died. We were
four in number, and I am now left alone. But I
have cause to believe he is in glory. He hath
been a kind brother to me; and referring to the
extraordinary communication of Mrs. Clapham,f
I feel a desire to explain in what a singular man¬
ner the whole has been fulfilled. When I married,
he sent me one hundred pounds as a wedding
present. After the death of my dear husband,
he came down to me, and with the greatest ten¬
derness and affection brought me forty pounds.
Some time after, my uncle Claudius Bosamjuet
* No doubt many pious persons, as well as Mrs. Fletcher, have
thus prayed. How evidently are those prayers answered in the
present day!—Ed.
f See page 198.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 537
died, and left each of my brothers eighteen thou¬
sand pounds, and several of his nephews and
nieces five hundred each; but neither my sister
nor myself was mentioned. My brother William
at that time divided one of his thousands between
us. This was a great help, as I had some money
still to pay off. Since that time he hath helped
me yearly for my poor's expenses; and, for some
time, has given me forty pounds a year. At this
time of distress, when trade is so low, and the poor
so straitened, this loss would have been a great one;
but he hath left me two thousand pounds, so that
my income, instead of decreasing, will be enlarged.
I cannot reflect on this circumstance but with
wonder and praise. When Mrs. Clapham told
me, about a fortnight before we were married, of
these great helps, I declare I did not expect one
penny. 0 how exactly has all come to pass! I
remember she said that the last sum that she saw
laid down was much larger than any before. How
often has my heart cried to the Lord that he would
restore him a hundred-fold! I trust it is so. I
have a strong confidence his cup is full of glory.
April 30.—I feel the presence of the Saviour,
and trust to enter more deeply than ever into him
as my centre. Reflecting on my past mercies and
present situation, I am struck with amazement at
the loving-kindness of the Lord. Never was I
more comfortable than now! Though I have so
many infirmities, yet I have such a measure of
health as renders life quite easy. Good nights,
sufficient appetite, and a degree of strength, at
times quite easy; and sweet liberty in the meet-
538 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
ings. No burden with my family—my friend
Mary Tooth manages all. My confidence is all
in thee, thou mighty Lord of all! I feel thee
drawing nearer and nearer to my soul. The
wound in my breast, occasioned by the lump
which had formed, puts, me afresh in mind of
eternity. But 0, how sweetly dost thou support
me under it! I am enabled to go through all my
meetings, and have but very little pain. Yester¬
day that verse of the hymn was sweetly applied
to my heart:
"Abundant sweetness, while I sing
Thy love, my ravished soul o'erflowB,
Secure in thee, my God and King,
Of glory which no period knows 1"
September 3.—On the 14th of August I felt
deep impressions of that most awful event—the
death of my dear husband. But the renewed
scene will, I trust, soon end in joyous days.
January, 1814.—I have been much disturbed
almost all night. My asthma was oppressive, and
I had much fever. My head also was confused,
but those words came powerfully to my mind:
" Sweet is thy voice, my Spouse, to me,
'I will behold no spot in tliee:'
What mighty wonders love performs,
That puts a comeliness on worms 1"
May 7.—For some time the wound in my breast
has been better, though it was thought, in Janu¬
ary, that I should not live many days; and my
breath is now more easy, especially in the night.
I leave all in thy dear hand, my adorable Lord,
and only long for a deeper plunge into God.
May 20.—Keflecting on past mercies, I find
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 539
abundant cause for praise. I am surrounded with
loving-kindness; but my strength and sight seem
to fail. I am waiting for a closer union with my
dear Lord. Though so weak in body, I feel a
desire to praise thee, my adorable Lord, for thy
abundant mercies. 0, my gracious Lord, I do
feel great cause of praise! How many have I seen
of my near relations who have suffered much in
illness through want of wisdom, or tender care,
in those about them! But I am favored above
all. O the wonderful care Providence hath ever
had over me! What snares he hath saved me
from, what dangers preserved me in, and what
promises have I seen fulfilled! I have every
thing I caif want. 0, my God, give me a watch¬
ful spirit, that I may not speak one word amiss!
Above all, answer that prayer, "Let no vain
thoughts lodge within me!" Give me, from this
hour, a mind continually fixed on thee, never
more to be drawn out of its centre!
July 1.—How tenderly the Lord deals with me!
I am very weak, and yet am oft five times in a week
able to be in my meetings, and I have strength
to speak so that all may hear, and the Lord is
very present with us. Lord, fill my soul with
abundant praise!
Sunday, August 15.—Yesterday,,the 14th, was
a solemn day to me. It is now twenty-nine years
since my beloved went to glory. I am led to cry
for a closer union with my Saviour. I feel his
Spirit working in me; but it is a season of trial.
That word is much with hie, Pray without ceasing.
22.—Yesterday I had encouragement from the
540 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
Lord, and lay down in his presence. In the
night, while asleep, those words came with power—
my heart seemed to speak them—
" Him eye to eye I soon shall see,
My face like liis shall shine!
0, what a glorious company,
Where saints anil angels join!"
I see more and more what a fulness there is in
the Saviour. O, my God, let me be wholly lost
in thee!
September 12.—Seventy-five years ago I was
born. 0, my gracious Saviour, what great grace
might I have gained in seventy-five years'. I
turn me to that blood which makes the sinner
whole. I have, of late, had a view now and
then as if the door of holiness was open, and the
word spoke in my heart, " Believe, and possess
to the uttermost." Lord, give the power !
November 8.—On Saturday I was very ill,
and thought death drew near. Since that time
I have found a deeper work in my soul. The
Lord seems to lay to his hand. 0, my Jesus,
fill me with thy Spirit! I long to be all thine
own.
24.—The Lord is very good to me. I have
found a clearer sense of his presence, and much
answer to prayer. 0, I feel as clay before the
potter. On the 12th of this month I had a
clear remembrance of the solemn scene of the
union with my precious husband, and felt it was
for eternity. What a favor do I also possess in
my friend Tooth ! The Lord has made her every
thing to me that I need. Dear Mrs. Gilpin's
death seems to bring me nearer to eternity.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 541
How little did I think she would he called first!
Lord, prepare me, and fill me with thyself! I
am still able to be out twice on Sunday, though the
cold weather has much effect on my breath; yet
last night and to-day I am a good deal relieved.
December 12.—I have had severe pain for a
fortnight, yet mixed with much mercy. I thought
I was near death. Yesterday I had an uncom¬
mon sense of the presence of God, and those
words were much with me, " My peace I leave
with thee;" and again, "If ye abide in me, and
my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will,
and it shall be done unto you." I felt it good
to look into eternity, though in much pain.
Monday, January 2^ 1815.—The Sabbath yes¬
terday was precious to me. 0, how I long that
the year fifteen may be the best of all my life.
Should I live a part of it, may that part bring
heaven into my soul. Those words have been
sweet to me, " I will heal their backsliding, I
will love them freely." Looking back on my
past life, and seeing so many blunders, I felt a
weight when the words above were spoken to my
heart. Yes, my precious Saviour, thou dost love
me freely. 0 that I were more filled with thy
love! The wound in my breast is much less,
and I am much better; and, blessed be my God!
I feel nearer to him than last year. 0 for a
fuller gale from Sion's hill!
March 21.—I have had pain last night, but
not so violent as it might have been. Toward
morning I got some sleep, and awoke with these
words, which came with power,—
46
542
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
"Give to the winds thy fears,
Hope, and be undismayed :
God hears thy cries, and counts thy tears,
He shall lift up thy head."
May 29.—Glory be to God, I am full of mer¬
cies ! I long for a more full union. I am far
better in body also than I could have thought;
yet I see myself on the very verge of eternity,
and long for a full and perfect oneness with my
Saviour. I know he doth bless me, and I cast
my whole soul, with every power, on my Lord.
0, it is sweet to have my will fully sunk in the
will of my God.
August 3.—I have had some trials with re¬
gard to outward affairs; but I have a full con¬
fidence all shall end well. We have had for
thirty years a oneness among our people; but
now there is a division, by the desire of the min¬
ister. It hurts me; yet I believe the Lord will
order all. But I here declare, I have been joined
to the people united to Mr. Wesley ft>r above
threescore years, and I trust to die among them.
The life of true religion is with them, and the
work increases. If my papers fall into any hands,
I entreat these lines may never be left out.* I
* I should have greatly rejoiced if I had been left at the same
liberty respecting this painful passage, as the other parts of Mrs.
Fletcher's writings. But her mind seems to have been deeply im¬
pressed with the occurrence, and hence the injunction is absolute.
Being thus obliged to insert the change which was at this time
made in the parish of Madeley, (by the curate not choosing to act
among the people as his predecessors had done,) a duty seems to lie
upon me to elucidate the cause of it in the best manner I am able;
and this I hope to do with all the tenderness that truth will allow.
Two letters, written by Mrs. Fletcher to the gentleman who suc¬
ceeded Mr. Home as curate of Madeley, will, I think, sufficiently
explain it.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
543
have always considered myself as a member of
the Church, and so have the united friends in
Madeley. In some measure we are now pushed
"Madeley, March 26, 1792.
"Rev. Sir:—Tour letter to Mr. IT. was not seen by me till yes¬
terday, or I should have answered it before.
" In order to draw what I have to say into the compass of one
sheet of paper, I will divide it into three heads. First, The reason
why I address you instead of the vicar: Secondly, the temporal
affairs of the parish; and, Thirdly, The state of the people as to re¬
ligion.
" First, I must observe, that after the death of my dear husband,
(whose unwearied labors, and unexampled meekness, had left on
the minds of the people the keenest conviction of thein loss,) the
mantle seemed to fall on a young gentleman named Home, (at that
time one of the preachers on the circuit,) whom my dear husband
had before mentioned as the man ho wished to be his successor.
There were great difficulties in the way : he, however, did take his
place, and continued with us between five and six years. Rut the
Lord, who holds the stars in his right hand, saw good to call him
to Africa. The departure of Mr. and Mrs. Home was a great loss
to me, because in every thing we acted mutually. The orphans
of my beloved partner were dear to me, and I to them; and Mr.
Home considered them as consigned to his caro by a man whom he
esteemed above all others. But the Lord has been pleased to part
us; and, as we love his will, we cheerfully say, Let it in all things
be done. When he left us, Mr. Burton, the vicar, a mild, sweet-
tempered man, desired the religious part of the parish to please
themselves in the choice of a curate. When I informed him the
other day that, after having sought after several, wo had been dis¬
appointed, he replied, 'I am sorry for it. I had rather that Mrs.
Fletcher would choose one, (though I have many applications,) for
she knows the mind of the parish better than I do; and whoever
she recommends I will accept.' On that account it is, sir, that I
am the person to address you. Secondly, As to the temporal
alfairs—Our church is far too small for the inhabitants, and yet so
awkwardly built, that it requires a very good voice to be heard in
it. It is, however, proposed to erect a larger about a mile off, as
this is near falling down. That will be more in the centre of the
parish, and more commodious. As to the third head—Those who
are religious in the parish, as well as those who attend from more
distant places, are a simple, quiet people, all of one mind. They
know nothing of dispute, nor think of any jarring doctrine. The
dovelike spirit of my precious husband rests much on his flock, and
they receive, as from heaven, every messenger who comes unto
them. As to the service or duty required, jou may do what you
will here. Every thing good goes down at Madeley, if it has but
unction. My dear husband, and Mr. Home, used to go through the
544
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
out. 0, let not one word of this be left out.
What I mean by being pushed out is, the Church
minister has repeatedly expressed a wish that the
whole service at church, morning and afternoon, and then preach
at the Dale, or the Wood, the two other ends of the parish, at
night. By that means they saw many who did not come to the
church; and at church there are many who never hear elsewhere.
" I think I have now given you as full an answer as I am able;
hut I must beg an immediate reply, as there are several curates
waiting for theirs, and we are quite unsettled. And please to be
clear in your answer when you can come. I should rejoice to see
a gospel ministry fixed here before my death.
"That the Lord may direct you with clear light, and give both
you and your partner to discern your way before you, is the prayer
of,
"Rev. sir, your friend and servant,
"M. Fletcher."
It appears that soon after this gentleman came to the parish, he
became uneasy about his situation. Having expressed his dissatis¬
faction to Mrs. Fletcher, she wrote him tho following letter:
" My dear Friend :—Since our conversation the other morning,
some thoughts have arisen in my mind which I believe will not be
unacceptable to you. You will not reject a word of advice, even
from an inferior.
" I am persuaded you will clear me from the idea of having de¬
ceived you in any thing. I told you, on your first visit to my
house, we were joined to that body of people called Methodists,
and asked, Are you willing to labor among a company of Method¬
ists ? To which you answered in the affirmative. This gave me a
convincing proof it was not your own but God's honor you were
seeking. This also engaged the hearts of the serious part of the
parish toward you, and caused them to receive you with open arms,
as one who would walk in the steps of your worthy predecessor.
Now I would observe, should such a thought be suggested, that it
would be better for them to leave that connection, (under which
several have been called,) and consider themselves as only belong¬
ing to you—if, I say, such a proposal was to be made, might it not
be the means of sowing the first seeds of division ever known in
Madeley? This, I am sure, would be very painful to you. I do not
believe you meant to do so; but I lay these thoughts before you as
an antidote to such a temptation, should it ever arise.
"Should that people, among whom, at present, the Lord so emi¬
nently works—should they decline from the pure worship of God—
in that case, the parish would naturally cleave to you. But while
the Lord does carry on his work among them, let us lie found with
God and his people; 'Yea, let us meet them with bread and with
water in the way.'
"Some years ago, a gentleman whom I well knew and loved,
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 545
Methodists should be a separate people; as he
always thought it best for the Church people, and
the people called Methodists^ to move in distinct
lines.
Bottled in a parish a few miles from where I lived. I believe there
were about a hundred Methodists in the place. They were do-
lighted with him, and all went on well, till he proposed to dissolve
the society, and have only one of his own. The people in general
consented: he applied to Mr. Wesley, and the preachers were with¬
drawn. But, dear man, though he was an upright soul, he had not
as good gifts for discipline as for preaching—he found much trouble
and confusion arose. The people began to scatter. Another living
then presented itself, which he accepted, to the great offence of those
who had left their first path to follow him. After this, they who
had been Methodists wrote to Mr. Wesley, and got the preachers
again; and, in a few years after, there were twelve hundred mem¬
bers in that society.
" I acknowledge, dear sir, there may be some humiliation in thus
acting in concert with others; but is not humiliation the only way
to exaltation ? Do we ever rise in the Divine life but in proportion
as we sink ? If the prophets of the Lord were sawn asunder—
were stoned—if they wandered about in dens and caves of the
earth—shall we start at a few trials which may, in a small degree,
lay our honor in the dust, when the honor of our Heavenly Father
is advanced thereby! I say again, should the Methodists decline,
(which God forbid,) they would soon cast us off if we did not de¬
cline with them.
"When the people of this place have had, by some years' ex¬
perience, a full proof of your holy and close walk with God, the
purity of your doctrine, and the unchangeableness of your affec¬
tion, that you have them in your heart to live and die with them,
they will then cleave to you with an undivided love, discerning
that the Lord has said unto you, Behold your children; and in their
hearts, Behold your father. A great step toward this has already
been taken on our side; but as yet your mind has been far less
settled than ours; and perhaps should we meet you with Jehu's
salutation to Jehonadab, you could not freely give us your haud.
But this does not discourage me. I impute it to the opposition
of Satan, who sees you are in your right place, and in your right
Order—as a stone now let into that very part of the building where
God designs you to be; and he would fain disorder the whole by
throwing you out, either through discouragement or by any other
way.
" Permit me to add, I am more and more convinced that you are
the gift of God to us—to me in particular, an answer to my own
prayer. I daily fool an encouraging union with both yourself and
Mrs. Walter. I often boast to the preachers of the sweetness of
your spirit, and the union of your heart in the work. 0, let not
my boasting be ever vain; but when I close my eyes in Madeley,
46*
546 LIFE or MRS. FLETCHER.
August 6.—Blessed be the Lord, the work
goes on, and I feel very thankful that the Lord
has answered prayer in the appointment of our
preachers. I do feel the Lord orders all.
August 14.—Thirty years, this day, I drank
the bitter cup, and closed the eyes of my beloved
husband; and now I am myself in a dying state.
Lord, prepare me ! I feel death very near. My
soul doth wait, and long to fly to the bosom of
my God! Come, my adorable Saviour! I lie
at thy feet: I long for ajl thy fulness ! Bless my
dear and faithful friend. Keep her secure: I
long for the day when we shall all meet above!
September 12.—This day I am seventy-six
years old, and the same day my dear husband
would have been eighty-six. Surely we shall re¬
member the scenes we have had together. But,
0 my God, give me power to cleave to thee every
moment! I feel the powers of darkness are ve-
let me have the satisfaction to behold from the upper world that
the dovelike spirit which so eminently reigned in my dear husband
has dropped, as his mantle, upon you, and that it shines forth as a
double portion.
" Having an hour at command, I have freely opened my heart to
you. Receive it as, perhaps, the dying advice of one who earnestly
prays you may be filled with all the fulness of God."*
The result of this most affectionate and pious epistle was, that
Mr. W. was fully delivered from his uneasiness, and for twenty-
one years labored, in the most affectionate and faithful manner,
for the good of the parish, and in every part of it to the great edifi¬
cation of the people. His excellent partner, who was closely con¬
nected with and very dear to Mrs. Fletcher, died at Madeley, in
the full triumph of faith. See page 429.
I am happy to add that the people who were thus obliged to
become a distinct body, have not separated from the Church, but
still attend the public service there.—Ed.
* This letter, "which is ip Mrs. Fletcher's own hand, has neither date nor sig¬
nature, but it was evidently written not long after the former.—Ed.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 547
hemently striving to distract and hinder me. 0
my God and Father, enable me to walk in thy
constant presence! 0 Jesus, Jesus! fill me
with thy love: pour out thy Spirit abundantly
upon me, and make my heart thy constant
home!
September 27.—I am filled with mercies; but
I want to be filled with holiness. 0 show thy
lovely face! Draw me more close to thyself! I
long, I wait for a closer union. It is amazing
under Jiow many complaints I still live! But
they are held by the hand of the Lord. On the
Monday evenings I have had some power to read
and speak at the room till the nights grow dark;
but on Sunday noon I have yet liberty, though
my eyes are so bad and sore. The Lord helps me
wonderfully. In the class also, in the morning,
the Lord doth help. 0 for entire holiness!
October 26.—I have had a bad night; but ask¬
ing help of the Lord for closer communion, my
precious Lord applied that word, "1 have borne
thy sins in my own body on the tree." I felt his
presence. I seem very near death; but I long to
fly into the arms of my beloved Lord. I feel his
loving-kindness surrounds me.
Mrs. Fletcher's journal ends here. I believe
she wrote no more. She died on the ninth day
of the December following. The particulars of
her last illness, and of her departure, are supplied
by Miss Tooth. I extract them from the short
account which she published soon after the death
of her venerable friend.
For the last month of Mrs. Fletcher's life, her
548 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
breath was more oppressed than usual; it had been
much affected for some years upon motion; yet
when she sat still, or laid herself down at night,
she could breathe quite easy. But in the middle
of November, her breathing was affected, both
while she sat still, and when she was laid down.
She had also a very troublesome cough. By
these her strength quickly declined. She had a
wound for two years and three quarters in one
side of her left breast, which was at first supposed
to be a cancer; but her sufferings from this were
not to be compared with what she suffered from
difficulty of breathing. Yet she would speak to
the people, though, as she said, " It is like as if
every meeting would take away my life; but I
will speak to them while I have any breath."
One day, when her sufferings were great, she
said, " How sweet are the words of the apostle,
' The sufferings of this life are not worthy to be
compared with the glory that shall follow!'"
And on the 11th of November she mentioned
the Divine aid she found in these words, " Call
upon me in the time of trouble; so will I hear
thee, and thou shalt glorify me." These words
she frequently repeated, and sometimes would
add, "Yes, my Lord, I will call upon thee; and I
shall glorify thee too."
Another time she said, with peculiar energy,
"They that trust in the Lord shall never be con¬
founded." She added also, with much animation
in her countenance, "That promise given me
so many years ago now comes with fresh power,
'Thou shalt walk with me in white.' And that
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 549
also, 'I will thoroughly purge away thy dross, and
take away thy tin.' " She added,
"Everlasting life is won,
Glory is on earth begun."
On the 18th of November, she often repeated
with much animation,
"I am thine, and thou art mine:
A bond eternal hath us joined."
Indeed, the goodness of the Lord, and the great
things that faith will do, were subjects on which
she delighted to dwell. I have often heard her
say, the particular commission the Lord had given
her was to encourage souls to believe; and herein
she certainly was greatly blessed to many.
On the 23d, she many times repeated these
words, which she said came to her with unusual
sweetness in the night:
" Thy righteousness wearing, and cleansed by thy blood,
Bold shall I appear in the presence of God."
All this day she had a great degree of fever upon
her, yet she would sometimes say to me, "What
were the sweet words the Lord gave me last
pight ?" As soon as I pronounced the first word,
she would go on with the rest, and add, "I feel
the power of them, though my head is so confused
with this fever, that I could not immediately re¬
collect them."
On the 6th of December, while looking on me
with the tenderest affection, she said, " My faith¬
ful friend, my dearest friend; ten thousand bless¬
ings on her head." She continued also to cry to
God for a blessing upon several persons whom she
550 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
mentioned; and npon all her relations: though
they were so far from her in body, they were to
the last interested in her prayers; and she would
frequently plead with the Lord, that one day she
might meet them all in glory. From the begin¬
ning of December she dozed much, whenever the
cough and the oppression upon her breath would
allow her any ease. This she often complained
of, saying, "I lose my time: I want every moment
to be spent in prayer or praise."
On the same day, when waking out of a doze,
she said, "I am drawing near to glory:" and, soon
after, "There is my house and portion fair;" aud
again, "Jesus, come, my hope of glory;" and,
after a short pause, "die lifts his hands and shows
that I am graven there." The two following days
were indeed days of love and praise. Mrs. Perks
and others visited her, upon whom she prayed
the choicest blessings might descend.
The day following, the 8th, her breathing was
exceedingly difficult. In the morning she had
walked into the other room, as usual, with only
the help of my arm. In the middle of the day
she wished to go into the chamber again, and I
led her, as at other times; but she was now weaker,
and I could scarcely keep her from falling. I
therefore asked her to sit down in a chair, which
she did, and I wheeled her back again: with this
she was much pleased, and said the exercise had
done her good. All the afternoon she was ex¬
tremely ill, either hot to a great degree, shivering
with cold, or very drowsy; but through all, her
mouth was full of the loving-kindness of the Lord.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 551
At night she said she would not go to bed till
after ten o'clock. We prayed together before we
went into the chamber; but her breath being so
greatly oppressed, she prayed but a short time.
She then said, " Call upon the Lord." When I
concluded, she said it was a very pomfortable
time ; and having heard in the afternoon that Dr.
Yonge (who had always shown her the greatest
attention) was ill, she prayed particularly for him.
When we were ready to go into the chamber,
after ten o'clock, I got her into the chair, but
she was now weaker than at noon. However, I
wheeled her to the bedside, and could not but
look upon her as dying; and indeed so she con¬
sidered herself, for when in bed she said, " My
love, this is the last time I shall get into bed : it
has been hard work to get in, but it is work I
shall do no more. This oppression upon my breath
cannot last long; but all is well. The Lord will
shower down ten thousand blessings upon thee,
my tender nurse, my kind friend."
After these and many more kind expressions
to the same effect, she desired I would make haste
to bed. I entreated her to let me sit up, repeat¬
edly saying, " Do let me watch with you this one
night;" but with all the tenderness imaginable,
yet with that degree of firmness which made me
unwilling to urge the request further, she said,
" Go to bed: you have done all for me you can
do. You know you can be with me in a moment
if I want you; but if you sit up it will make me
uncomfortable. I eaonot rest without you go to
bed." After I had made all the excuses I could
552 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
for remaining up, and looting upon her dear coun¬
tenance as long as her kind concern for me would
admit, she again urged my going to bed; and I
therefore laid me within the bedclothes, without
undressing. She then asked, "Are you in bed,
my love ?" I answered, " Yes." She then said,
" That's right: now if I can rest, I will; but let
our hearts be united in prayer, and the Lord bless
both thee and me I"
These were the last words her beloved lips ut¬
tered ; for some time after this, about one o'clock
in the morning of December 9th, the noise her
breath had so long made, ceased. I thought, Is
she dropped asleep ? It immediately came to my
mind, "Asleep in Jesus! See, a soul escaped to
bliss." I went directly to her bedside, where I
found the beloved body without the immortal
spirit, which had entered the realms of endless
day. My feelings are not to be described. I
clung to the casket of the saint. I knelt down
by the side of it, and cried to Him who had just
now called home the spirit of my friend, that
some portion of her spirit might rest on me. At
length I thought I should injure her dear remains
if I did not call the family up. I therefore went
and called my sister and the servant, at half-past
one; after which I sent for Mrs. Perks, who
kindly came over immediately. I never left the
chamber while any thing could be done for her:
I had promised to be with her to the last, and
the Lord enabled me so to do.
Her countenance was as sweet a one as was
ever seen in death. There was at the last neither
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 553
sigh, groan, nor struggle; and she had all the ap¬
pearance of a person in the most composed slum¬
ber. When I first undrew the curtain, and saw
her dear head dropped off the pillow, and looking
so sweetly composed, I could not persuade myself
the spirit was fled, till I took her in my arms, a,nd
found no motion left. I then perceived the mo¬
ment she had so much longed for had arrived—
the happy moment when she should gain the
blissful shore, and
" See the Lamb in glory stand,
Encircled with his radiant band,
And join the angelic powers.
All that height of glorious bliss
Her everlasting portion is,
And all that heaven is ours."
47
554 life of mrs. fletcher.
A REVIEW OE HER CHARACTER.
It is generally expected that the memoirs of
eminent persons should be accompanied with a
view of their character, comprehending the several
particulars wherein they differed from the gene¬
rality of mankind, and so became conspicuous.
This may be, in general, edifying, and certainly is
not a difficult task; but it seems to me not so easy
when the life of a real Christian (one who was
truly such on the Scripture model) is given to
the world. We do not find that the inspired
writers ever take that way, although they had the
greatest characters on earth to delineate—even
those of whom the world was not worthy. Mr.
Wesley took high ground when, at Oxford, (as he
informs us,) he "determined to devote his whole
life to God." Hence the world knew him not,
because they knew not Him whom he served.
His own works, especially the daily account of that
whole life, thus devoted, and which is contained in
his Journals, can alone describe the man; and, if
warranted by Holy Scripture, can alone show if
indeed he kept that ground. Men may bring
their line and plummet, and take the gauge of
excellence, or the contrary, as they may be dis-
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 555
posed; but the principle of action lies beyond their
ken. "He that is spiritual judgeth all things,
yet he himself is judged of no man."
The same may be said of Mrs. Fletcher. If
she were only an eminent person, and even emi¬
nent in the Church, it would be an easy task to
display her character in the several points of view
in which human attainments may be exhibited, so
as to excite admiration, and stimulate the readers
to an imitation of her various excellences. But I
find an awe upon my mind in contemplating the
task which may thus be supposed to have fallen
upon me; and I recur to what was said in the pre¬
face—the Life of Mrs. Fletcher will not be con¬
sidered as a common biography, but as an account
of a work of the Spirit of God. That she greatly
differed from the generality even of those who
have been favored, like her, with eminent talents,
and rich gifts of Providence, will not be denied
by the most cursory reader of these memoirs.
But "who made her to differ? And what had
she which she had not received?" These ques¬
tions we know were so received by her as to anni¬
hilate all glorying in the flesh. How deeply she
felt all this glory swallowed up in shame, need not
now be set forth by me. She came to the throne
of grace, not with the humility of a creature,
(which the holy angels well understand, and
deeply feel,) but with the humility of a sinner,
pleading only, the only true plea,
"Dust and ashes is my name,
My all is sin and misery:
Friend of sinners, spotless Lamb,
Thy blood was shed for me I"
556 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
The pious reader has not read these memoirs in
vain. There is no danger that such a one will fall
into the mistake of Agrippa, who, while he contem¬
plated the great character of St. Paul shining*
through his chains, forgot who and where he was,
and cried out, "Almost thou persuadest me to be
a Christian !" Nor will he need the gentle but
firm correction which the loving apostle gave to
that prince : " I would to God that not only thou,
but also all that hear me this day, were both al¬
most and altogether such as I am, except these
bonds:" thus intimating, that as "no man can
call Jesus Lord but by the Holy Ghost,"'so no
man can be a Christian but by being created
anew in Christ Jesus.*
Before honor is humility. The humility that
belongs to a man as a sinner we have already
noted. It has in it the sentence of death. A
heartfelt acknowledgment that it is just this
sentence should take place, and that in us dwell-
eth no good thing, is that humility which is alone
founded in truth. Blessed are they who are thus
" poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of hea¬
ven ;" even " righteousness, and peace, and joy
in the Holy Ghost." These " unsearchable riches
of Christ" are made theirs by the " Holy Ghost,
who glorifies the Saviour." Mrs. Fletcher's heart
was thus, like Lydia's, opened, and " filled with
peace and joy in believing." And she never lost
the heavenly blessing. She kept her poverty,
and she retained her kingdom.
* See Mr. Wesley's admirable note on the passage, Acts xxvi. 29.
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 557
Like her admirable husband, Mrs. Fletcher did
not rest satisfied with being " plucked as a brand
from the burning :" she had not so learned Christ.
"Leaving therefore the principles of the doctrine
of Christ, she went on unto perfection." Her
eyes seemed ever fixed on " the robe washed and
made white in the blood of the Lamb." The work
of the Holy Ghost, sanctifying the believer, body,
Soul, and spirit, she knew was as necessary to
eternal salvation as the work of the Saviour upon
the cross. The Lord put that cry into her
heart,
"Father, Son, and Holy GhoBt,
Be to me what Adam lost."
Nor did she forget that " far more exceeding and
eternal weight of glory," that is become the
privilege of believers, in consequence of God the
Son, and not Adam, being now the head of the
human race. "Beholding with unveiled face
this glory of the Lord," in the salvation of guilty
and sinful man,
" Her soul broke out in strong desire
The perfect bliss to prove:
Her longing heart was all on fire
To be renewed in love."
A good judge of religion, as exhibited in the
gracious recovery of fallen man,* being, many
years ago, asked his opinion of the vicar of Made-
ley, replied, "There is no occasion of stumbling
in him. Set down any of the scriptural marks
of a Christian, or a true Christian minister, and
* The Rev. John Owen, some time Mr. Fletcher's curate, a gentle¬
man afterward woll known and highly respected in India and in
England.
47*
558 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
I will engage he will not be found deficient."
"VVe know there are strong portraits in the sacred
word, drawn by the pencil of truth, of those who
" added to their faith virtue, and to virtue know¬
ledge, and to knowledge temperance, and to tem¬
perance patience, and to patience godliness, and
to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly
kindness charity;" and I believe the pious reader
of her Life will not be disposed to doubt that these
things were evidently in Mrs. Fletcher also, an d that
they abounded; making her neither barren nor un¬
fruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ,
No man could better detect the deceitfulness
of the human heart, even in those who are re¬
ligiously disposed, than her admirable husband
has done; especially when treating his favorite
subject, (the subject also of his Divine Master in
his Sermon On the Mount,) Christian Perfection.
Addressing those whom he calls " Perfect Chris-*
tian Pharisees," he observes, "Ye are most ready
to profess Christian perfection, though, alas! ye
stand at the utmost distance from perfect hu¬
mility, the grace most essential to the Christian
character. You have professedly entered into
the fold where Christ's sheep, who are perfected
in love, rest all at each other's feet, and at the
feet of the Lamb of God. But how have you en¬
tered ? Not by 1 Christ the door,' for Christ is
'meekness and lowliness' manifested in the flesh;
but ye are still ungentle, and fond of praise.
Your proud minds are above stooping low to
follow Him who ' made himself of no reputation,'
that he might raise ua to heavenly honors; and
LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER.
559
•who, to pour just contempt on human pride, had
his first night's lodging in a stable, and spent his
last night partly on. the cold ground in an agony,
and partly in an ignominious confinement, ex¬
posed to the greatest indignities. He rested his
infant head upon hay, his dying head upon
thorns. A manger was his cradle, and a cross
his deathbed. Thirty years he travelled fromithe
sordid stable to the accursed tree. Shepherds
were his first attendants, and malefactors his
last companions.
"Now, far from practicing with godly sincerity
either his first lesson, ' Blessed are the poor in
spirit/ or those which he afterward inculcated,
ye abhor penitential poverty. Your humility is
not cordial. You are humble in looks, in gestures,
in voice, in dress, in behavior, from motives of
Pharisaic ambition. But ye continue strangers
to the unaffected simplicity and lowliness of Christ's
perfect disciples. Ye choose the lowest place,
but ye do not love it. If you cheerfully take it,
it is not among your equals, but your inferiors;
and because you hope that men will say to you,
(Come up higher.' Ye still aim at some wrong
mark. Ye have a narrow, contracted spirit. Ye
do not gladly sacrifice your private satisfaction,
your interest, your reputation, your prejudices,
to the general interests of truth and love, and to the
public good of the whole body of Christ."
Let Mrs. Fletcher be proved by these high
principles. How often, how continually, do we
find her, in these memoirs, trying herself by and
aiming to walk according to them! How con-
560 iilFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
stantly did she struggle against the root of all
this corruption ! How perseveringly did she eye
the footsteps of her Divine Master, making it the
one desire of her whole life, " to be conformed to
the image of the Son of God !"
Many who have aimed at living unto God,
according to the full spiritual rule of the gospel,
have been sometimes charged with neglecting, or
lightly esteeming, the Divine atonement. This
is certainly true of several eminent persons, who
have, in this way of defective faith, professed to
" follow on to know the Lord." Yery celebrated
names, and in whom was found much of the
Christian character, have thus " gone about to
establish their own righteousness j" and in a way
so refined that they seemed to defy detection.
But have they not " labored in vain, and spent
their strength for naught?" Has not a spirit
of bondage been manifest in their approaches to
God, and in their religious communion with men ?
True repose and liberty of spirit, while contend¬
ing against sin, can only be found in " the blood
of the covenant." If our abode be not the hor¬
rible pit of guilt and corruption, shall we not
walk in the miry clay of doubt and fear, if we
thus forsake " the strong rock ?" I trust the
pious reader has seen that Mrs. Fletcher never
forsook it—never gave place to this refined temp¬
tation. As she "magnified the law and made it
honorable," as the rule of life, so she magnified
that perfect and infinitely meritorious " sacrifice
offered to God, through the eternal Spirit." It
was her all in all, whether as " a babe in Christ,"
LIFE OF MllS. FLETCHER. 5-61
holding him with a trembling hand, or as "a
mother in Israel," established, strengthened, and
settled. The language of her heart was, through¬
out her whole course, Every moment, Lord, I
want the merit of thy death.
Of her ordinary walk, the most competent wit¬
ness now alive has, in the fulness of her heart,
given us some striking particulars. Speaking of
her domestic life, Miss Tooth observes, " She was
one of a thousand, as of mercy so of economy;
always sparing of expense upon herself, that she
might have the more to give to the household
of faith." She would often say, " God's receivers
upon earth are Christ's Church and his poor."
When I have proposed the purchase of some article
of clothing for her, she would ask, " Is it quite
necessary'{ If nof, do not buy : it will be much
better to give the money to some of our poor
neighbors than to lay it out upon me." Nor was
this once only; it was invariably her conduct,
and with great truth it might be constantly said
of her also, that
"What her charity impairs,
She saves by prudence in affairs i"
" She was always remarkably exact in setting
down every penny she expended. She kept four
different accounts, in which all she spent was in¬
cluded. These four were the house, sundries,
clothes, and poor. We have often, at the end
of the year, been astonished to find the house ex¬
penses so small, considering how many had shared
with us. At such times she has said, ' It is the
Lord who has blessed our bread and water.' I
562
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
have in former years taken tip the hook in which
she kept her accounts, and wept over it, with the
consideration that I should one day probably have
to settle it alone; and now I drink of the bitter
cup. A few days ago I entered upon the work;
and I thihk it right, as a confirmation of what I
have before advanced, to state the difference be¬
tween the expenses of her clothes, and what she
dispensed to the poor. On making up the ac-
-count of her apparel, I found the whole year's ex¬
penditure amounted to nineteen shillings and six¬
pence : this was every penny that had been laid
out on her own person for the whole year. The
expense was not always so small, but I believe it
never amounted to five pounds.
" I then made up the poor's account, and found
the amount to be £181 16s. 1 d. Thus liberally
had she dispersed abroad. But her desire of
communicating comfort to the afflicted was very
extensive: I do not think she ever heard of a
person in distress, but, if in her power to do it,
she by some means contrived to send relief. To
comfort the distressed was always a real comfort
to her. With regard to this world's wealth, it
was no more to her than the dust on the balance.
She has often said, and I am sure with great
truth, ( Gold is no more to me than dust: the
gold of Ophir than the stones of the brook.' At
another time she would say, {It is nolrso import¬
ant what we have, as how we use it.'
" Her love to every one was so abundant that
she was unwilling to find a fault in any. She
was ever desirous of casting the mantle of love
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 563
over the failings of others, if the truth -would
admit of it. And while her kindness was thus
extensively manifested to all with whom she had
any intercourse, her gratitude to others who
showed marks of love to her was no less. When
her kind friends sent her any thing they thought
would be acceptable, it was her study to think
how she could return them an equal token of love ;
and if nothing was brought to her mind to do for
them at the time, she would say, 'Well, if I can
do no more, I can pray for them.' I never knew
her sit down to partake of any thing that was the
gift of a friend, without first praying for the
donor.
"And while her gratitude to the creature was
thus evidently discerned, her praise and thanks¬
giving to the Creator was abundant. Indeed, she
lived in the spirit of praise, frequently saying,
' What blessings has the Lord bestowed upon me !
How comfortable has he made me in my old age !
Though I am left here, and my dearly beloved
husband and my Sally in glory, yet I know no
lack. And such a loving people! I may well
say, I dwell among my own people.' "
To this loving faith she added courage. This
is very conspicuous in her whole life. The
righteous, says Solomon, is bold as a lion. This
quality, it is well known, was possessed in a very
high degree by her admirable husband. He was
valiant for the truth, and a terror to evil-doers.
Mrs. Fletcher was not less so, allowing for tho
difference of her sex. As a fruit of this Chris¬
tian courage, a noble ingenuousness was found in
564 LIFE OF -MBS. FLETCHEB.
them both. Mr. Fletpher's striking and bold dis¬
course against Popery, (which had lamentably
imbued his parish before his induction,) when,
after some years, it again reared its head, is well
known to the readers of his Life. Mrs. Fletcher
had this enemy to encounter also, but in a milder
shape. We joyfully allow that Popery has had
(and we doubt not still has) its true saints. It
must be. so while it continues sound in the doc¬
trine of the Trinity and the Atonement. Those
in that Church who are led by the Spirit of God
will thus find some portions of .the bread of life
amid the mountains of chaff which satisfy earthly
minds, and operate as poison on those who love to
he deceived. It could not be but that the Bo-
mish minister of Madeley should strive to gain a
convert like Mrs. Fletcher. He presented many
books to her, which were accompanied with long
letters, and thus, with every appearance, of the
most friendly regard, he strove to turn her from
what , he believed to be the error of her ways.
But though her earthly head and shield had been
withdrawn, the zealous pastor found he had not
a flighty, uninformed, or unstable Christian to
deal with. Her short answers, (short when com¬
pared with the letters which she had received,) ■
fully exhibiting the Christian spirit, may be found
in the Appendix, No. 1.
If we look at what may be called her public
life-'—a long life, filled with the rwork of faith, tfin
patience of hope, and the labor of love-—we can¬
not but observe how carefully she attended to,that
sacred warning, given to all who are called to the
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 565
arduous duty of saving souls from death: " They
made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own
vineyard have I not kept." We have seen how-
great, how constant, how persevering, even to the
close of life, were her loving exertions; but did
they ever prevent, or weaken, in her mind, the
great duty of self-examination? No: her eye
seemed fixed on the apostle's words, " I therefore
so run, not as uncertainly: so fight'I, not as one
that beateth the air; but I keep under my body,
and bring it into subjection; lest that by any
means, when I have preached to others, I my¬
self should be a castaway."
I am sensible that I here tread on tender
ground. The question of the lawfulness, or even
of the expediency of female preaching, will re¬
cur to every sensible and pious reader; especially
as Mrs. Fletcher lived and died a member of the
Church of England, and of the Methodist society,
neither of which sanctions a female ministry.
But I cannot but think that much that has been
said on this question, especially since the days
of George Fox, (when the ministry of females
received a regular establishment in his commu¬
nity,) may be spared on this occasion. Mrs.
Fletcher has already spoken on this subject,
(p. 169,) and every candid reader has, I believe,
felt the modesty and simplicity of that short state¬
ment. In truth, her preaching was but an en¬
largement of her daily and hourly conversation.
Her family, her visitors, might be said to be her
constant congregation. And as she never, in her
more public efforts, meddled with the govern-
566 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
ment of the Church, usurped authority over the
man, or made any display of a regular or authori¬
tative commission, but merely strove to "win
souls, by pureness, by knowledge, by long-suffer¬
ing, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love
unfeigned, by the word of truth, by the power
of God"—while she was herself the least and
the servant of all—may not every pious Church¬
man and Methodist unite, and say, Would to God
that all the Lord's people were such prophets
and prophetesses ?
Mr. Wesley, who never sanctioned a regular
ministry of that kind, permitted, and it may be
said encouraged, her Christian efforts in that way.
Her conflicts were very great concerning her call
in that respect; and the taunts which she had to
endure from men were very painful. These she
at length embodied in a letter to Mr. Wesley,
declaring her willingness to abide by his decision;
and that she would gladly resist this impression,
if the Lord should so direct her by him. Mr-
Wesley, who yvell knew her simplicity, godly sin¬
cerity, and admirable understanding, replied,
That he considered it to be an extraordinary
call: that he also looked upon the whole work
of God, termed Methodism, to be an extraordinary
.dispensation. Therefore," says he, "I do not
wonder if several things occur therein which do
not fall under .ordinary rules of discipline. St.
Paul's ordinary rule was, not to permit a woman
to speak in the congregation ; yet in extraordinary
cases he made a few exceptions." Mrs. Fletcher
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 567
thanked God for this answer, and continued her
labors of love to the close of her life.
As I think it probable that those readers whom
I am most disposed to gratify, may indulge a wish
that some specimens of her expounding on those
occasions were recorded, I am happy that I can
meet those wishes. They will find, in the Ap¬
pendix, No. 2, some thoughts left by her, which
may give some idea of her manner of teaching.
Behold her then sitting modestly in the corner
of her large room, with the crowded assembly
(among whom were not unfrequently some min¬
isters of eminent piety and learning) hanging on
her lips! It has been said that she was rather
too fond of spiritualizing: I am therefore not
sorry that the discourse which I am thus enabled
to give is of that kind. I think that the sensible
reader will not pronounce that there is any thing
to blame in this specimen; but will rather think
that the subject is soberly treated, and with a due
restraint on the imagination. It is, however^
only the outline: the enlargement, the coloring,
the unction, the life, are not there. These are
gone ! The place of this evangelical prophetess
knows her no more ! But she lives, and her name
is as ointment poured forth. She rests from her
labors, and her works do follow her. She sees
them not: she sees only the Lamb of God ! But
he sees them all: not one of them is forgotten
before God. They will appear to assembled
worlds in that day when' the books shall be
opebed; and, being wrought in God, they shall
be found unto praise, and honor, and glory.
APPENDIX NO. I.
" Rev. Sib :—As there is no act of friendship greater
than to care for the immortal soul, I consider myself as
t?uly indebted to you for the kind concern you have ex¬
pressed for mine. I have read your letter, and also the
two books you were so kind as to send me; but bear
with me, sir, if I say, I cannot be of your mind, viz.,
'That no one can be saved out of the Church of Rome,
if they have opportunity of being instructed by it.' I
consider myself as a weak and unworthy member of the
true Church, which I believe to be the whole body of
true believers scattered over all the earth; who, having
experienced (or who are earnestly seeking so to do) the
new birth mentioned by our Lord in the third chapter
of St. John's Gospel, feel that they who are in Christ
are new creatures; and who rely on the Lord Jesus,
our great atonement, alone, for pardon and acceptance;
though also conscious that without holiness no man
shall see the Lord. Now these sincere followers of the
Saviour I consider as the true Church, whether in Eng¬
land, Rome, or any other part of the world. I acknow¬
ledge the word Protestant was not used till Luther's
time; but the truths we contend for, I date from the
time of our Lord and his apostles. I believe that, after
a certain season, the falling away, foretold by St. Paul,
2 Thessalonians, chap. ii. verse 8, took place, and a
flood of error overspread almost all the Christian world:
pnly a little branch remaining in small companies,
against whom the gates of hell did not prevail, though
oppressed on all sides, till the Lord found a hiding-
(568)
APPENDIX NO. I.
569
place for the woman in the wilderness, at that time
which we call the Reformation.
"If the authority of the Church really springs from
St. Peter, I apprehend- it remained with those faithful
souls who abode in their primitive Simplicity when the
rest were carried away. But permit me to say, I lay
no more stress on St. Peter than I do on the other apos¬
tles ; for it is plain our Lord gave afterward the same
authority to them all; and it is certain St. Paul
did not acknowledge that St. Peter bad any preemi¬
nence over the rest, for he claimed an equality with all
the apostles, Gal. i. 15-17, and, upon one occasion,
'withstood St. Peter to the face,' Gal. ii. 11. With re¬
gard to the doctrine of Calvin, which represents the
God of love in a very wrong light, 1 therein agree with
you, and mourn that so many good men do hold it.
Had not Christ died for all, the apostles could not have
been commanded 'to. preach the gospel to every crea¬
ture.' However, I believe we must all receive the Sa¬
viour in a double sense, as given for us, and as living
in us—that we are entirely forgiven for his sake, and
must also have a change into his nature, as he him-
sejf said in the mission which he gave to St. Paul, Acts
xxvi. 17, 18, ' That they may be brought from the power
of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness
of sins, and inheritance among them that are sanctified
by faith that is in me.'
"0 sir, may this loving, faith-producing holiness be
found in you and me! For if we are not one with
Christ, as 'the branch is with the vine,' continually
drawing life from him, we cannot be saved, whatever
Church we belong to. I thank you for telling me you
will remember me before the throne: give me leave to
say, I feel myself led to do the same for you; and if we
are both found on the right foundation, and meet in
glory, how sweetly shall we forget the name of Roman¬
ist and Protestant, and, in one voice, unite in perpetual
'hallelujahs to God and the Lamb for ever!'
"I am, Rev. sir, your obliged servant,
" Mary Fletcher."
48*
570
APPENDIX NO. I.
" Rev. Sir :—All you say of the importance of the
soul and eternal things, I most heartily agree with
you in, and sincerely desire to turn my back on earth,
and choose Jesus as my only portion. But 0, sir, bear
with me when I say I cannot be of your mind, nor re¬
ceive your Church as truly Catholic. You say, 'She is
one, whereas we are divided into many.' Alas! how
can she- appear otherwise, when no member dares to
speak his mind for fear of an inquisition ? If all hearts
were known, how many opinions would be found among
you! But even this appearance was not always, for
at times you have had more popes than one, and each
had his own party. There were then divisions and dis¬
orders. I do not say this by way of reproach. No:
in every Church there are tares as well as wheat; only,
I.mean, you are not free from division anymore than
we are, although force renders it more concealed.
"Again, I cannot but greatly object to your doctrine of
indulgence. Perhaps you will say that it is now given up,
as the Council of Trent disapproved of it. But why given
up? If only because of the offence, then you still hold the
same opiinion. Alas! how hurtful and offensive to the God
of purity! So a man may, for giving alms to the poor,
etc., etc., commit his favorite iniquity, and it shall not
be imputed to him as sin! Ah'no! ' Without holiness
none shall see the Lord,' whatever indulgences he may
procure. As to the righteousness of other saints being
imputed to him, is not this like saying, ' Give us of your
oil, for our lamps are gono out?' But perhaps you
say, No, not so: we have given it up, because we see it
wrong, and an error. Well, if you have, I am glad of
it. But in that case, sir, permit me to ask, How can
your popes be infallible, who have maintained so sad
an error for so many years?
"After I began my letter, I recollected that there
were in the house two little tracts, one a Roman
Catholic catechism, and a reply; the other entitled,
•Popery calmly considered.'* I looked for and read
* By Mr. Wesley.—Ed.
APPENDIX NO. T.
571
them; and as they contain some of the ideas I was
about to mention, I make free to send them, as writing
is difficult to me, being very infirm. I have also en¬
closed an extract of the Life of M. de Renty, as a
proof I love holiness wherever I find it. It is a book I
much love. I have also put in an account of a young
woman I much loved, which I think you iyill like. You
may keep these books as long as you please, as I sup¬
pose your time is much taken up. The three books
you lent me I have perused. I trust they were real
conversions. By real conversions I mean, from 'the
kingdom of Satan to that of God's dear Sonand I do
not wonder those persons embraced an offer which ap¬
peared to be a refuge from the world and sin, when they
seemed to be surrounded with nothing but carnal profes¬
sors.
"I cannot conclude our correspondence, sir, without
once more thanking you for your kind concern and
prayers; and though we differ in some sentiments, if we
agree in an earnest desire to know and do ' the whole
will of God,' I can embrace you as a brother in the
Lord, and regard you as such. One day, I put this
question to myself: If Mr. was to become possessed
of civil power, and when he found, after all his pains,
I could not see in his light, he should believe it to be
his duty to consume me at the stake—could I love him
then? After a moment's pause, I replied, Yes, if I
really thought he believed it to be his duty, I could
honor the upright intention, though I should see the
action wrong. Christ shed his own blood for men;
but Antichrist sheds the blood of others. Yet, whatever
I might suffer, I love an upright intention wherever
see it.*
" I am, Rev. sir, your obliged servant,
" Maby Fletcher. "
* Those letters have no date.—Ed.
572
APPENDIX NO. II.
APPENDIX NO. II..
Acts xxvii. 29 : " They cast four anchors out of the
stern, and wished for-the day."
The situation of the ship wherein Paul and his com¬
panions were, seems to me to illustrate the state and
situation of many of us here. "We are told, there arose
a tempestuous wind, called in that country, Euroclydon—
a kind of hurricane, not carrying the ship any one way,
driving her backward and forward with great violence.
So it is in general with those who enter on the voyage
of life. Satan, who is called the prince of the power
of the air, and who ruleth in the hearts of the children
of disobedience, keeps the mind in a continual agitation.
Sometimes they are sunk and almost crushed under a
weight of care; and again raised high on the waves of
some expected pleasure. One while they are filled with
resentment, on_account of some slight from a neighbor,
or an unjust accusation from an enemy; while the
mind is harassed with the imagination how it shall be
cleared. Sometimes the most idle and extravagant
fancies so deeply involve it, that no message from hea¬
ven can find any more entertainment than the Saviour
could find in the inn at Bethlehem. By all this, the
soul becomes restless, and knows not where it is, nor
which way it is going. It does not feel that it is in a
state of probation, and that this trial is to fix its eternal
lot. Dear souls, is not this the case with spme of you ?
APPENDIX NO. II.
573
You dc not kflow where you are, you do not consider
this may be your last night, perhaps your last hour.
Your eternal state will then be fixed for ever. If the
Lord should call you this hour, are you ready? 0
remember it is the word of Jehovah himself, "The ox
knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib, but
Israel doth not know: my people doth not consider."
Again, do you know where you are going ? Why, you
are going the broad road: you are going to hell as fast
as you can. It is a narrow way that leads to heaven^
and you do not know one step of it. You have not
begun to walk therein, nor perhaps to think about it.
0 that you were wise, that you understood this, that
you would consider your latter end! It may be you
find a great many things to divert and take up your
mind: it is employed by Satan from hour to hour.
You are like the disobedient prophet, asleep in the
ship when a great storm lay upon them. You neither
see nor know your danger. Are you the safer for this ?
Would not those who are awake cry out to such, Awake,
thou sleeper, and call upon thy God ? Thou art on the
very brink of destruction. Well, then, permit me so to
call upon you, lest, when we meet at the great day, you
should upbraid me that I had once an opportunity of
warning you, and that I did it but by halves; and so
the blood of your souls should be found in my skirts.
1 fear for many in this parish. My soul often weeps
in secret for them, lest the word which to others proves
the savor of life, should to them become the savor of
death, and rise up in judgment against them.
But I hope you, who are this night within the reach
of my voice, are in a degree awakened, and most of you
earnestly longing to be brought out of the storm into
the quiet harbor of Jesus' breast To these I chiefly
feel my message to be, though I was not willing to
leave the sleepers wholly disregarded. Well, let us see
what they did in this great danger that we may do like¬
wise. Paul says, "As we were exceedingly tossed with
a tempest, the next day we lightened the ship, and the
third day we cast out with our own hands the tackling
B
57£
APPENDIX NO. II.
of the ship. And as neither sun nor stars appeared for
many days,* and no small tempest lay on us, all hope
of heing saved was taken away." Observe, first, they
lightened the ship : lighten your hearts! There is too
much of the world in them. They cast out their mer¬
chandise: cast away your idols! You will say, per¬
haps, "I cannot." True: I know you cannot your¬
selves ; but if you will call on the Lord in time of trou¬
ble, he hath said, I will hear thee, and thou shalt glo¬
rify me. If you will begin to pray in good earnest, and
persevere therein, as the Lord is true, you shall know
the liberty of his children, and have power to cast all
your idols to the moles and to the bats. Well, but on
the third day they cast out the tackling of the ship—
the very thing which we might think they would have
kept, in order to manage the vessel. No1—all must go!
Cast away your false confidence in any thing of your
own: despair of any help but from the Lord Jesus.
Yet obey his word: Look, remember he says, Look
unto me, and be ye saved; yea, look unto him as the
author and finisher of your faith. Wait upon him;
and remember the mind is the mouth of the soul; there-
Yore, according as you feed your mind with thoughts,
so will the state of your soul be discovered. Look, I
say, unto him, and your soul shall ride out the storm.
And now a gleam of hope appears. Paul stood up
and said, "Be of good• courage; for there shall be no
toss of any life among you. The angel of that God whose
I am, and whom I serve, stood by me this night, and
said, Fear not, Paul: thou must be presented before
Caesar, and lo, I have given thee all them that sail with
thee." So may hope spring up to thee this present
moment, whether thou art a poor backslider, or one of
the ship's company, who till this very hour hast been
fast asleep; but, if now awake, if now in earnest, and
willing to be saved; come a step farther yet, and ob¬
serve what they did next. They cast four anchors out
* Which was the more terrible, the use of the compass not heing
then discovered.—Ed.
APPENDIX NO. II.
575
of the stern, and -wished for day. There is no day to
the soul till Christ manifests his cheering presence. In
order to wait for that, follow their example—they cast
out four anchors. Let us do so this night. Remember
it is your part to believe, and it is the Lord's to give
the peace and joy consequent on believing. Let us,
then, make repeated acts of faith, so casting our anchor
farther and farther within the veil, and we shall draw
up our souls nearer and nearer to God.
Well, let us try to cast out one anchor now. I am
sensible your cable is short, therefore we must seek for
some ground as near you as we can. We will try, if we
can, to find it in the creating love of God, surrounding
us on every side. Look through the creation: observe
the tender love of the birds toward their young; yea,
even the most savage beasts! From whence does this
spring ? It is from God. It is a shadow of that infinite
compassion which reigns in his heart. Rise a little
higher. Fix your eye on man. How does he love a
stubborn son who will neither serve God nor him!
True, he frowns on him, and corrects him, lest it should
be said to him as to Eli, Thou preferrest thy son before
me; but if that son shed but a tear of sorrow, raise but
a sigh of repentance—if he but come a few steps, how
do the father's bowels yearn toward him! How doth
he run to meet him! Now carry the idea a little
higher: Are ye not the offspring of God ? Has he not
said, "I have created thee for my glory? I have
formed thee for my praise ?" Isnot " his mercy over all
his works ?" Believe, then, that this "Author of all love
is more ready to give the Holy Spirit to you, than you
are to give good gifts to your children." Will not this
anchor take? Does it still come home? Well, the
ground is good, but your cable is too short. Let us
try another anchor; and we will drop it on redeeming"
love.
Lift up your eyes of faith: behold your bleeding Sa¬
viour ! See all your sins laid on his sacred head! Be¬
hold him as your Surety before the throne, and hear
him plead, " I have tasted death for every man. Thou,
576
APPENDIX NQ, H.
Father, wast in me reconciling the world to thyself,
not imputing their trespasses to them." I stood before
thee, charged with them all. If this poor soul, who
cries for mercy, is deeply in debt to thee, place it to my
account: I will repay. Now venture on him, venture
freely. He hath drunk all the bitter cup for you, and
he offers, this night to take you into fellowship and
communion with himself. He was delivered for your
offences! He hath cancelled all the charge against
you; yea, He was raised again for your justification.
Your Surety is exalted in proof that your debt is paid.
Come, let me hear some voice among you giving praise,
and saying, with the Christian poet,
" Now I have found the ground wherein
Sure my soul's anchor "may remain—
The wounds of Jesus for my sin,
Before the world's foundation slain."
Methinks this anchor will hold. Is there not an in¬
crease of hope ? Hearken! You shall hear his voice.
Himself hath said,'' H ear, 0 my people, and I will speak!"
Heaven is nfever dumb, but when man hardens his
heart.
But perhaps there are some poor trembling souls still
left behind. For the sake of such, we will try to find
firm ground a little nearer yet. We will drop our third
anchor on the promises. Here are some quite within
your reach: "He that cometh unto me, I will in no
wise cast out. Whosoever will, let him take of the
water of life freely. I came not to call the righteous,
but sinners to repentance." Yes, be came to seek and
to save that which is lost. Are you lost ? lost in your
own estimation ? Then he came to save you. Yes, and
to seek you too; and he seeks you this night as diligently as
ever shepherd sought his lost sheep. Will you be found
of him? Yes, if you will believe in his love. Remem¬
ber, " He willeth not the death of a sinner, but had
rather he would turn from his wickedness and live." And
though it should appear to thee as if a mountain stood
in the way, yet this is the word of truth. If thou canst
believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
APPENDIX NO. PL
577
Thou shalt say to this mountain, Depart, and it shall
be done. There is no getting one step forward in the
heavenly road without courage, or, in other words,
faith; and I trust there are here many whose anchor
has held in the first ground, creating love, more in the
Second, redeeming love, and surely trembling sinners
have found some hold in the promises. The word of
God is full of them, and they are all for you. All be¬
long to a wounded conscience, to sinners seeking the
power of faith to conquer their sins, and bring them to
God. But yet I fear there may be a feeble-minded one
who is still left behind, and I am unwilling any should
remain in darkness, when Christ offers them light.
But perhaps such will say, " 0, I am an ungrateful sin¬
ner. I have turned away my eyes from Jesus. The
world, and the wild imaginations of my polluted afiFec-
tions, have stolen between me and the Saviour. Once
'the candle of the Lord did shine upon my head!'
But now he is gone: my beloved hath withdrawn him¬
self, and I am again shorn of my strength, and feeble
as another man." Well, do not despair. Thy soul shall
jet ride the storm. There is yet one anchor more, but
/t is possible you will not all admire it. Some will cry,
Is that all ? 0, it is too low. But let me tell you, low
as you esteem it, because it seems within your reach,
it will rise to the highest mansion in heaven. It is, I
own, a little dark at the first view, but the more you
look upon it, the brighter it will grow. Remember it
Was the sound of a ram's horn, and the shout of human
voices, that shook the mighty walls of Jericho. God
delights to do great things by little means.
The name then of my fourth anchor is Resignation;
and there is a motto engraved thereon, " In quietness
and confidence shall thy strength be." You that are
asleep have nothing to do with this; but you who are
awake, and groaning for the salvation you have forfeited—
you are invited, nay, commanded, to cast it out. You
have fallen by a worldly spirit, and by indulging a busy
and idolatrous imagination. Come, then, let this be
the moment! Now cast your whole soul, your ever-
49
578
APPENDIX NO. II.
lasting concerns, on tfie free, unmerited love of the
Saviour, and live upon, Thy will be done! Let your
soul cry out, I will bear the indignation of the Lord,
because I have sinned against him. Abandon your¬
self, as a victim, into his hand, and there lie as clay
before the potter. If you are tempted because you can¬
not pray, let this be your prayer, let the constant cry
of your heart be, Thy will be done on earth as it is done
in heaven. And take knowledge, while you are so do¬
ing, your prayer is echoed by the highest archangel in
heaven, for the glory of that bright abode is a perfect
resignation, fully consistent with the most faithful ac¬
tivity. ' You are permitted to pray, Father, let this cup
pe.ss from me; yet, while you add, Not my will, but thy
will be done, you join in spirit with the Saviour and
Captain of your salvation. I have often found, in an
hour of temptation, when no other anchor seemed to
hold, that thought, The Lord reigneth: his will and
glory shall be accomplished, and in that I will rejoice,
has brought peace, and laid the storm. Lie doivn at
his dear feet, and remember, Whom he loveth, he chasten-
eth, and correcteth every son whom he receiveth. He
brings your sins to your remembrance, that your soul
may be brought to know its misery and wants, and in
order that he may burn them up with the purifying fire
of" his love. Take courage, then, and, with one voice,
let us all unite in the cry, Thy will be done! Thy will
be done! And our song shall be echoed through all the
courts above. Here, then, drop your anchor. It is
sound ground, and it will not come home. With this
patient faith, therefore, be found in all the means of
grace, walking humbly, while you do his will, ''And
pleading the promises, which are yea and amen in
Christ. Blessed are all they who wait for him."
We read of Paul's company, that they cast out four
anchors, and wished for the day. Do you the same,
for that is a wish very pleasing to the Lord. I ob¬
served before, that it is not daylight with the soul till
that promise is accomplished, I will manifest myself
unto him. Here is the great design of the wonderful
APPENDIX NO. II.
579
plan of Balvation—to restore man to Lis original' com¬
munion with God; and He who hath said, I will give
unto him that is athirst of the water of life freely, now
waits to make your souls his loved abode, the temple
of indwelling God. There is a rest which remains for
the people of God; and you who love the Lord remem¬
ber, He came not only that you might have life, but
that you may have it more abundantly. Cry, my be¬
loved friends, day and night, that you may "enter into
the land of uprightness, on which the eyes of the Lord
are continually," from the beginning of the year to the
"end. But when the people of Israel slighted the rest •
of Canaan, and had lost that courage by which alone
they could enter, how greatly did it offend the Lord!
And will he approve lazy, dull seekers of that spiritual
Canaan, that baptism of the Spirit, to which every be¬
liever is expressly called? We often talk of the time when
righteousness is to overspread the earth, but this mil¬
lennium must overspread our own hearts, if we would
see the face of God with joy. For the very end of our
creation is, that we may become the habitation of God
through the Spirit.
THE END.