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epigrams

HTT
jOublicattons of the Spenser Society.

IssuE No. I.

a

. THE

rROV ER BS

AND

EPIGRAMS

OF

f

JOHN HEYWOOD) -

(A.D. 1562).

REPRINTED FROM THE ORIGINAL (1562) EDITION, AND
COLLATED WITH THE SECOND (1566). EDITION;
WITH. AN

APPENDIX OF VARIATIONS.

PRINTED FOR THE SPENSER SOCIETY.
1867.
THE

PROVERBS

AND

EPIGRAMS

OF

JOHN HEYWOOD

(A.D. 1562).

REPRINTED FROM THE ORIGINAL (1562) EDITION, AND
COLLATED WITH THE SECOND (1566) EDITION;

WITH AN

APPENDIX OF VARIATIONS,

ae

PRINTED FOR THE SPENSER SOCIETY.
6
1867.

yer.
A. 46\%

MANCHESTER
PRINTED BY CHARLES SIMMS AND CO.
NOTICE.

OTH of the Editions of this Work which have been employed

for the prefent Reprint are in lack Detter. In accordance

however with the terms of the original Profpectus iffued by the

SPENSER Society, and influenced by confiderations of uniformity
and convenience, Roman Type is here ufed.

A Gloffary to the prefent Volume has been prepared, and is
in MS.; but the Council, hoping ultimately to place the complete
Works of Jobn Heywood in the hands of the Members, have
decided upon deferring its iffue until it can be given, enlarged fo
as to comprehend the whole of his Works, with the laft Volume,
when they purpofe that it thall be preceded by a full Biographical
and Bibliographical Account of the Author and his Writings.

OcTOBER, 1867.
Sohn bepwoodes
woorkes.

F@ Al dialogue conteynpng the
number of the effectuall prouerbes in
the Englitbe tounge, compact in
a matter concernpnge
two manet of ma-

rpages. ,

TUith one hunded of Epigrammes: and
thee bund of Epigrammes
ppon thee hunded p0-
uerbes : and a fifth
hundzed of E-
pigrams.

Cchervnto are now netwlp added
a {prt hundwed of Epigrams
bp the fapde Jobn
Deptwood,

$

LONDINI.
ANNO chritti.
1562.

 
The peeface.

Mong other thinges profytyng in our tong
Thofe whiche muche may profyte both olde and yong:
Suche as on their fruite wyll féede or take holde
Are our common plaine pithie prouerbes olde.
Some fence of fome of whiche beyng bare and rude:
Vet to fyne and fruitefull effet they allude.
And their fentenfes include fo large a reache,
That almoft in all thinges good leffons they teache.
This write I not to teache, but to touche: for why,
Men know this as well or better then I.
But this and this reft, I wryte for this.
Remembryng and confyderyng what the pyth is,
That by remembraunce of thefe prouerbes maie grow
In this tale, erft talked with a fréend, I fhow
As many of them as we could fytly fynde,
Fallyng to purpofe, that might fall in minde.
To thentent that the reader redily may
Finde them and minde them, whan he, wyll alway.

Finis,
The fyrft parte.

Che. t. chapiter.
F mine acquayntance a certaine yong man

() (Beyng a reforter to me now and than)
Reforted lately, fhowyng him selfe to bée
Defyrous to talke at length alone with me.
And as we for this, a méete place had woon,
With this olde prouerbe, this yong man begon.

Who fo that knew, what wolde be dere,
Should neede be a marchant but one yeere.
Though it (quoth he) thing impoffible bée,
The full fequele of prefent things to forefée:
Yet doth this prouerbe prouoke euery man
Politykely (as man poffible can)
In things to come after to caft eie before,
To cafte out or kepe in things for fore ftore.
As the prouifion maie féeme most profytable,
And the commoditée moft commendable.
Into this confyderacion I am wrought
By two thyngis, whiche fortune to hands hath brought.
Two women I know, of whiche twayne the tone
Is a mayde of flowryng age, a goodly one.
Thother a wydow, who fo many yeres beares,
That all hir whiteneffe lythe in hir whyte heares. 7
This mayde hath fréendis ryche, but riches hath fhee none, ,
Nor none can hir handes geat to lieue vpon.
This wydow is very ryche, and hir fréendis bare,
And both thefe, for loue to wed with me fond are.
And both would I wed, the better and the wurs.
The tone for hir perfon, the tother for her purs.
They woo not my fubftance, but my felfe they wooe.
Goodes haue I none and fmall good can I dooe.
On this poore maid hir riche fréendis I cléerely know,
(So fhe wed where they wyll) great gyfts will beftow,

, A ij But
The fyrft parte.

But with them all I am fo far from fauer,

That fhe fhall fure haue no grote if I haue her.
And I fhall haue as lyttle all my fréendis fwere,
Except I folow them, to wedde els where.

The poore fréendis of this ryche wydow beare no {way,
But wed hir and wyn welth. whan I wyll I may.
Nowe whiche of thefe twayne is lyke to be dereft
In payn or pleafure to fticke to me nereft,

The depth of all doubtes with you to confyther,
The fence of the fayde prouerbe fendth me hyther.
The beft bargayne of both quickly to haue fkande,
For one of them thinke I to make out of hande.

The. it. chapiter.
Rende (quoth I) welcome, and with right good will,

FE: will as I can, your will herein fulfyll.
And two thinges I fée in you, that fhew you wyfe,
Firft in weddyng ere ye wed, to afke aduyfe.
The feconde, your yeres beyng yong it apéeres,
Ye regarde yet good prouerbes of olde ferne yéeres.
And as ye grounde your tale vpon one of them,
Furnifhe we this tale with euerychone of them.
Suche as may fytly fall in mynde to difpofe.
Agréed (quoth he) Then (quoth I) firft this difclofe.
Haue you to this old wydow, or this yong mayde,
Any woordis of affurance er this time fayde?
Nay in good faith faide he. Well than (faide I)
I wyll be playne with you, and may honeftly.
And plainely to fpeake, I lyke you (as I fayde)
In two fore tolde thynges, but a thirde haue I wayde,
Not fo much to be lyked, as I can déeme,
Whiche is in your weddyng your hafte fo extréeme.

The beft or woorft thing to man for this lyfe,
Is good or yll choofyng his good or yll wyfe.
The fyrft parte.

I meane not onely of body good or bad,
But of all thinges meete or vnmeete to be had,
Such as at any time by any meane may
Betweene man and wife, loue encreafe or decay.
Where this grounde in any hed, grauely grateth,
All firie haft to wed, it foone rebateth.
Som thingis that prouoke young men to wed in hafte,
Show after weddyng, that haft maketh wafte.
Whan time hath tournd white furger to white falte,
Than fuche folke fee, foft fire maketh fweete malte.
And that deliberacion doth men affift
Before they wed to beware of had I wift.
And than their timely weddyng doth clere appere,
That they were earely vp, and neuer the nere.
And ones their haftie heate a littell controlde,
Than perceiue they well, hotte loue foone colde.
And whan hafty witleffe mirth is mated weele,
Good to be mery and wife, they thinke and feele.
Hafte in weddyng fom man thinkth his owne auayle.
Whan hafte proueth a rod made for his owne tayle.
- And whan he is well beaten with his owne rod,
Than feeth he haft and wifdome thingis far od.
And that in all, or moft thingis, wifht at neede,
Mofte times he feeth, the more hafte the leffe fpeede.
In les thingis then weddyng, haft fhowth haftie mans fo,
So that the hafty man neuer wanteth wo.
Thefe fage fayd fawes if ye take fo profounde,
As ye take that, by which ye tooke your grounde,
Than finde ye grounded caufe by thefe now here told,
In haft to weddyng your haft to withhold.
And though they seeme wiues for you neuer fo fit,
Yet let not harmfull haft fo far out ren your wit,
But that ye harke to here all the whole fume,
That may pleafe or difpleafe you in time to come.

A iij Thus
The fyrft parte.

Thus by thefe leffons ye may learne good cheape,
In weddyng and al thing, to looke or ye leape.

Ye haue even now well ouerlookt me (quoth he)
And lept very nie me to. For IJ agree,

That thefe fage fayings dooe weightily way

Againft haft in all thing, but I am at bay.

By other parables of like weightie weight,

Which haft me to weddyng, as ye fhall here ftreight.

The. ti. chapter.

E that will not whan he may,

Whan he would, he {hall haue nay.
Beautie or riches the tone of the twayne
Now may I choofe, and whiche me lift obtaine.
And if we determine me, this mayde to take,
And then traét of time traine her me to forfake:
Than my beautifull mariage lithe in the dike,
And neuer for beautie, fhall I wedde the like.
Now if we awarde me this widowe to wedde.
And that I driue of time till time, fhe be dedde,
Than farewell riches, the fat is in the fire,
And neuer fhall I to like riches afpire.
And a thoufand folde would it greue me more,
That fhe in my faute fhould die one houre before,
Than one minute after. than hafte muft prouoke,
Whan the pigge is proferd to holde vp the poke.
Whan the funne fhinth make hay. whiche is to fay.
Take time whan time comth, left time fteale away.
And one good leffon to this purpofe I pike
From the fmithis forge, whan thyron is hot ftrike.
The fure fea man feeth, the tide tarieth no man.
And long delayes or abfence fomwhat to fkan.
Sens that that one will not, on other will,
Delaies in woers muft needes their fpeede fpill.

And
The fyrft parte.

And touchyng abfence, the full accompte wo fomth.
Shall fee, as faft as one goth an other comthe.
Time is tickell. and out of fight out of minde.
Than catche and holde while I may, faft binde faft finde.
Blame me not to hafte, for feare mine eie be blerde..
And therby the fat cleane flit fro my berde.
Where wooers hoppe in and out, long time may bryng
Him that hoppeth beft, at laft to haue the ryng.
I hoppyng without for a ryng of a rufhe.
And while I at length debate and beate the bufhe,
There fhall fteppe in other men, and catche the burdes,
And by long time loft in many vayne wurdes.
Betwene thefe two wiues, make flouth fpede confound
While betweene two ftooles, my tayle go to grounde..
By this, fens we fee flouth muft bréede a fcab,
Beft fticke to the tone out of hand, hab or nab.
Thus all your prouerbs inueying againft hafte,
Be anfwerd with prouerbs plaine and promptly plafte.
Wherby, to purpofe all this no further fits,
But to fhew, fo many heds fo many wits.
Whiche fhewe as furely in all that they all tell,
That in my weddyng I may euen as well
Tary to long, and therby come to late,
As come to foone by haft in any rate.
And proue this prouerbe, as the woordes therof go,
Hafte or flouth herein woorke nother welth nor wo.
Be it far or nie, weddyng is defteny,
And hangyng likewife, faith that prouerbe, faid I.
Than wed or hang (quoth he) what helpth in the whole
To haft or hang aloof, happy man happy dole.
Ye deale this dole (quoth I) out at a wrong dur,
For defteny in this cafe doth not fo ftur
Againft mans indeuour, but man may direét
His will, fore prouifion to worke or neglect.

But
The fyrft parte,

But to fhew that quick wedding may bryng good fpeede,
Somwhat to purpofe, your prouerbs proue in deede.
Howbeit, whether they counterpayfe or out way

The prouerbes, which I before them did lay,

The triall therof we will lay a water.

Till we trie more. For triyng of which mater

Declare all commodites ye can deuife,

That by thofe two weddingis to you can rife.

The. ti. Chapter.

Wyll (quoth he) in bothe thefe cafes ftreight fhow,

What thingis (as I think) to me by them will grow.
And where my loue began, there begin will I.
With this mayde, the peece pereleffe in mine eie.
Whom I fo fauour, and fhe fo fauourth me,
That half a death to vs a fonder to be.
Affe&tion eche to other doth vs fo moue,
That welny without foode, we coulde liue by loue.
For be I right fad, or right ficke, from hir fight,
Her prefence abfenteth all maladies quight.
Whiche feen, and that the great ground in mariage
Standth vpon likyng the parties perfonage,
And than of olde prouerbes in opening the packe,
One fhewth me openly in loue is no lacke.
No lacke of likyng, but lacke of liuyng,
May lacke in loue (quoth I) and breede ill cheeuyng.
Well as to that (fayde he) harke this othyng.
What time I lacke not hir, I lacke nothyng.
But though we haue nought, nor nought we can geat,
God neuer fendth mouth, but he fendeth meat.
And a hard beginnyng makth a good endyng.
In {pace comth grace, and this further amendyng.
Seldome comth the better, and like will to like.
God fendth colde after clothes. and this I pike.

She,
The fyrft parte.

She, by lacke of fubftance séemyng but a fparke,
Steynth yet the ftouteft, For a leg of a larke

Is better than is the body of a kyght.

And home is homely, though it be poore in fyght.
Thefe prouerbs for this parte fhew fuche a flourithe,
And than this partie dooth delyte fo nourifhe.

That muche is my bowe bent to fhoote at thefe marks,
And kyll feare, when the fky falth we fhall haue larks.
All perils that fall maie, who fearth they fall fhall,
Shall fo feare all thyng, that he fhall let fall all,

And be more fraid then hurt, if the thinges were doone..
Feare may force a man to caft beyonde the moone.
Who hopeth in Gods helpe, his helpe can not ftarte:
Nothing is impoffible to a willyng hart,

And will maie wyn my herte, herein to confent,

To take all thinges as it comth, and be content.

And here is (q’ he) in mariyng of this mayde,

For courage and commoditée all mine ayde.

Well fayde (faied I) but a whyle kepe we in quenche,
All this cafe, as touchyng this poore yonge wenche.
And nowe declare your whole confideracion,

What maner thinges draw your imaginacion,

Toward your weddyng of this wydow riche and olde.
That fhall ye (q’ he) out of hande haue tolde.

The. ut. chapiter:

His wydowe beyng foule, and of fauour yil,

In good behauour can very good fkyll.
Pleafantly {fpoken, and a very good wyt,
And at hir table, whan we together fyt,
I am well ferued, we fare of the beft.
The meate good and holfome and holfomly dreft.
Swéete and fofte lodgeyng, and therof great fhyfte.
This felte and féene, with all implementes of thrifte,

B Of
The fyrft parte.

Of plate and money fuche cupboordes and coffers,

And that without peyne I maie win thefe profers,

Than couetyfe bearyng Uenus bargayne backe,

Praifyng this bargayne faith, better leaue then lacke.

And gredineffe, to drawe defyre to hir lore,

Saieth, that the wife man faieth, {tore is no fore.

Who hath many peafe maie put the mo in the pot.

Of two yls, choofe the leaft whyle choyse lyth in lot.

Sens lacke is an yll, as yll as man may haue,

To prouyde for the woorft, whyle the beft it felfe faue.

Reftie welth wylth me this wydow to wyn,

To let the world wag, and take mine eafe in mine in.

He muft néedes fwym, that is holde vp by the chyn.

He laughth that wynth. And this thréede fyner to fpyn,

Maifter promocion faieth, make this fubftance fure,

If ryches bryng ones portly countenance in vre,

Than fhalt thou rule the rofte all rounde about.

And better to rule, than be ruled by the rout.

It is faide be it better be it wurs,

Dooe ye after him that beareth the purs.

Thus be I by this, ones /e fenior de graunde,

Many that commaunded me, I fhall commaunde.

And alfo I fhall to reueng former hurtis,

Hold their nofes to grinftone, and fyt on theyr fkurtis,

That erft fate on mine. And riches maie make

Fréends many waies. Thus better to geue then take.

And to make carnall appetite content,

Reafon laboreth wyll, to wyn wyls confent,

To take lacke of beautie but as an eye fore.

The fayre and the foule, by darke are lyke ftore.

When all candels be out, all cats be grey,

All thingis are then of one colour, as who fey.

And this prouerbe faith, for quenching hot defyre,

Foule water as foone as fayre, will quenche hot fyre.
Where

Io
The fyrft parte.

Where gyftis be geuen fréely, eft weft north or fouth,
No man ought to looke a geuen hors in the mouth.
And though hir mouth be foule, fhe hath a fayre tayle.
I conftre this text, as is mofte my auayle.

In want of white téeth and yelow heares to beholde,
She flourifheth in white filuer and yelow golde.

What though fhe be toothleffe, and balde as a coote ?.
Her fubftaunce is fhoote anker, wherat I fhoote.

Take a peyne for a pleafure all wyfe men can.

What, hungry dogges will eate durty puddyngs man.
And here I conclude (quoth he) all that I knowe

By this olde widow, what good to me maie growe.

The. vt. chapiter.

E haue (quoth I) in thefe conclufions founde

Sundrie thinges, that veray fauerly founde,
And bothe thefe longe cafes, beyng well vewde,
In one short queftion, we maie well inclewde,
Whiche is, whether beft or wurft be to be ledde
With riches, without loue or beautie, to wedde :
Or with beautie without richeffe for loue.
This queftion (quoth he) inquerth all that I moue.
It dooth fo (faid I) and is néerely couched.
But thanfwere will not fo breuely be touched.
And your felfe, to length it, taketh direct trade.
For to all reafons, that I haue yet made,
Ye féeme more to féeke reafons how to contende,
Than to the councell of myne to condifcende.
And to be playne, as I muft with mi frende,
I perfectly féele euen at my fyngers ende.
So harde is your hande fet on your halfpeny,
That my reafonyng your reafon fetteth nought by.
But reafon for reafon, ye fo ftyfly lay,
By prouerbe for prouerbe, that with you do way,

Bij That

Il
The forft parte.

That reafon onely fhall herein nought moue you.
To here more then fpeake. wherfore I wyll proue you,
With reafon, affifted by experience.

Whiche my felfe fawe, not long fens nor far hence.
In a matter fo lyke this fafhond in frame,

That none can be lyker, it féemeth euen the fame,
And in the fame, as your felfe fhall efpy

Eche fentence foothed with a prouerbe welny.

And at ende of the fame, ye fhall cléerely fee

How this fhorte queftion fhortly anfwerd may bée.
Ye mary (quoth he) nowe ye fhoote nie the pricke.
Practyfe in all, aboue all toucheth the quicke.
Proofe vppon practife, muft take holde more fure,
Than any reafonyng by geffe can procure.

If ye bryng practife in place, without fablyng,

I wyll banyfh both hafte and bufy bablyng.

And yet that promife to perfourme is mickell,

For in this cafe my toung muft oft tickell.

Ye know well it is, as telth vs this olde tale,

Méete, that a man be at his owne brydale.

If he wyue well (quoth I) méete and good it were.
Or els as good for him an other were there.

But for this your bridale I meane not in it,

That fcilence fhall fufpend your fpeeche euery whyt.
But in thefe mariages, whiche ye here meue,

Sens this tale conteinth the counfayle I can geue,

I would sée your eares attend with your tong,

For aduyfe in bothe thefe weddyngs olde and yong.
In whiche heryng, time féene when and what to talke,
When your tonge tickleth, at wyll let it walke.

And in thefe brydales, to the reafons of ours,
Marke mine experience in this cafe of yours.

The

12
The fyrft parte.

The feuenth chapiter.

Vithin few yeres paft, from London no far way

Where I and my wife, with our poore houfhold lay.
Two yong men were abydyng whom to difcriue.
Were I, in portraiyng perfons dead or aliue,
As cunnyng and as quicke, to touche them at full,
As in that feate I am ignorant and dull,
Neuer could I paynte their pictures to allow,
More liuely, than to paint the pycture of yow.
And as your thrée perfons fhew one fimilitewd,
So fhew you thrée one, in all thingis to be vewd,
Likewyfe a wydowe and a mayde there did dwell,
A lyke lyke the wydow and mayde ye of tell.
The fréendis of theim foure in euery degrée,
Standyng in ftate as the fréendis of you thrée.
Thofe two men, eche other fo hafted or taried,
That thofe two women on one daie they maried.
Into two houfes, which next my houfe did ftand,
The one on the right, thother on the lefte hand.
Both bridegromes bad me, I could do none other,
But dine with the tone, and fup with the tother.
He that wedded this widow riche and olde,
And alfo the, fauourd me fo, that they wolde
Make me dyne or fup ones or twyfe in a wéeke.
This poore yonge man and his make beyng to féeke
As oft, where they might eaté or drinke, I them bad,
Were I at home, to fuche pittaunce as I had.
Whiche common conference fuche confidence wrought,
In them to me, that déede, woorde, ne welny thought
Chaunced among them, what euer it weare,
But one of the foure, brought it ftreight to mine eare.
Wherby betwene thefe twayne, and their two wyues,
Bothe for welth and wo, I knew all their four liues.

B iij And

13
The fyrft parte.

And fens the matter is muche intricate,

Betwene fyde and fyde, I fhall here feperate

All matters on both fydes, and than fequeftrate

Thone fyde, while thother be full reherft, in rate,

As for your vnderftandyng maie beft ftande.

And this yonge poore couple fhall come fyrft in hande.
Who, the day of weddyng and after, a whyle,

Could not looke eche on other, but they muft fmyle.
As a whelpe for wantonnes in and out whipps,

So playde thefe twayne, as mery as thrée chipps.

Ye there was God (quoth he) whan all is doone-
Abyde (quoth I) it was yet but hony moone.

The blacke oxe had not trode on his nor hir foote.

But er this braunche of blis could reach any roote,

The flowers fo faded, that in fiftene wéekes,  --

A man might efpie the chaunge in the chéekes

Both of this poore wretch, and his wife this poore wenche,
Their faces told toies, that Totnam was tournd frenche.
And all their light laughyng turnd and tranflated

Into fad fighyng, all mirth was amated.

And one mornyng tymely he tooke in hande,

To make to my houfe, a fléeueles errande.

Haukyng vpon me, his minde herein to breake,
Whiche I woulde not fée, tyll he began to fpeake,
Praiyng me to here him. And I faide, I woulde.
Wherwith this that foloweth foorthwith he tolde.

The. viit. chapiter.

Am nowe driuen (quoth he) for eafe of my harte,

To you, to vtter parte of mine inward {marte.
And the matter concerneth my wyfe and mée,
Whose fathers and mothers long fens dead bée.
But vncles, with auntes and cofins, haue wée ~
Dyuers riche on bothe fydes, fo that we did fée,

If

14
The forft parte.

If we had wedded, eche, where eche kynred would,
Neither of vs had lackt, either filuer or gold.
But neuer coulde fuite, on either fyde obtayne
One peny, to the one weddyng of vs twayne.
And fens our one mariyng or marryng daie,
Where any of them fée vs, they fhrinke awaie,
Solemnly fwearyng, fuche as maie geue ought,
While they and we liue, of them we get right nought.
Nor nought haue we, nor no waie ought can we get,
Sauyng by borowyng, tyll we be in det
So far, that no man any more will vs lende.
Wherby, for lacke we bothe be at our wittis ende.
Wherof no wonder, fens the ende of our good,
And beginnyng of our charge, together ftood.
But wit is neuer good tyll it be bought.
Howbeit when bought wits to beft price bée brought,
Yet is one good forewit woorth two after wits.
This paith me home lo, and full mo foly hits.
For had I lookt afore, with indifferent eye,
Though hafte had made me thurft neuer fo drye:
Yet to drowne this drought, this muft I néedes thynke,
As I woulde néedes brewe, fo muft I néedes drynke.
The drynke of my bride cup I fhould haue forborne,
Tyll temperance had tempred the tafte beforne.
I fée nowe, and thall fée while I am aliue,
Who wedth or he be wife fhall die or he thriue.
I finge nowe in this facte, factus eft repente,
Nowe mine eies be open I do repent me.
He that will fell lawne before he can folde it.
He fhall repent him before he haue folde it.
Som bargains déere bought, good cheape wold be fold,
No man loueth his fetters, be they made of gold.
Were I loofe from the louely lynkes of my chayne,
I would not daunce in fuch fayre fetters agayne.

In

15
The fyrft parte.

In houfe to kepe houfholde, whan folks wyll néedis wed,
Mo thyngs belong, than foure bare legs in a bed.

I reckened my weddyng a fuger fwéete fpyce,

But reckners without their hoft muft recken twyce.
And although it were fwéete for a wéeke or twayne,
Swéete meate will haue fowre fawce, I sée now playne.
Continuall penurie, whiche I mufte take

Telth me, better eye out then alwaie ake.

Boldly and blindly I ventred on this,

How be it, who fo bolde as blynde Bayard is?

And herein to blame any man, then fhould I raue.
For I did it my felfe: and felfe do, felfe haue.

But a daie after the fayre, comth this remors,

For reliefe: for though it be a good hors

That neuer ftumbleth, what praife can that auouche
To iades that breake their necks at fyrft trip or touche..
And before this my fyrft foyle or breakneck fall,
Subtilly lyke a fhéepe thought I, I fhall

Cut my cote after my cloth. When I haue her.

But now I can fmell, nothyng hath no fauer.

I am taught to know, in more haft than good spéede,.
How Fudicare came into the Créede.

My carefull wife in one corner wéepeth in care,

And I in an other the purs is thréede bare.

This corner of our care (quoth he) I you tell.

To craue therin your comfortable counfell.

The, ix. chapiter.
Am fory (quoth I) of your pouertée,
And more forie, that I can not fuccour yée,
If ye ftur your néede myne almes to ftur,
Then of trouth ye beg at a wrong mans dur.
There is nothyng more vayne, as your felfe tell can,
Than to beg a bréeche of a bare arft man.

16
The fyrft parte.

I come to beg nothyng of you (quoth he)
Saue your aduyfe, whiche maie my beft waie be,
How to wyn prefent falue for this prefent fore.
I am lyke thyll furgeon (fayd I) without ftore
Of good plaifters. Howbeit fuche as they are,
Ye fhall haue the beft I haue. But fyrft declare,
Where your and your wyues riche kynffolke do dwel.
Enuyronned about vs (quoth he) which fhewth well,
The nere to the churche, the ferther from God.
Moft parte of them dwell within a thoufand rod.
And yet fhall we catche a hare with a taber,
As foone as catche ought of them, and rather.
Ye plaie coleprophet (quoth I) who takth in hande,
To knowe his anfwere before he do his errande.
What fhould I to them (quoth he) flyng or flyt.
An vnbydden geaft knoweth not where to fyt.
I am caft at carts ars, fome folke in lacke
Can not preafe, A broken fléeue holdth tharme backe.
And fhame holdth me backe, beyng thus forfaken.
Tufhe man (quoth I) fhame is as it is taken.
And fhame take him that fhame thinkth ye thinke none.
Unminded, vnmoned, go make your mone,
Tyll meate fall in your mouth, will ye ly in bed,
Or fit ftyll? nay, he that gapeth till he be fed,
Maie fortune to faft and famifhe for honger.
Set forward, ye fhall neuer labour yonger.
Well (quoth he) if I fhall nedes this viage make,
With as good will as a beare goth to the ftake,
I will ftreight weie anker, and hoyfe vp fayle.
And thytherward hye me in hafte lyke a fnayle.
And home agayne hytherward quicke as a bée.
Nowe for good lucke, cafte an olde fhoe after mée.
And firft to mine vncle, brother to my father,
By fuite, I will affaie to win some fauer.

Cc Who

17
The fyrft parte.

Who brought me vp, and tyll my weddyng was don

Loued me, not as his nephew, but as his fon.

And his heire had I béene, had not this chaunced,

Of lands and goodes, which fhould me much auaunced,

Trudge (quoth I) to him, and on your marybones,

Crouche to the grounde, and not fo ofte as ones

Speake any one woord him to contrary.

T can not tell that (quoth he) by Seint Mary.

One yll woord axeth an other, as folkis fpeake.

Well (quoth I) better is to boow then breake.

It hurteth not the tounge to geue fayre wurdis.

The rough net is not the beft catcher of burdis.

Sens ye can nought wyn, if ye can not pleafe,

Beft is to fuffre: For of fuffrance comth eafe.

Caufe caufeth (quoth he) and as caufe caufeth mée,

So will I doo. And with this away went hée.

Yet whether his wyfe fhould go with him or no,

He sent hir to me to know er he would go.

Wherto I fayde, I thought beft he went alone.

And you (quoth I) to go ftreight as he is gone,

Among your kynsfolke likewyfe, if they dwell ny.

Yes (quoth fhe) all round about euen here by.

Namely an aunte, my mothers fyfter. who well

(Sens my mother died) brought me vp from the fhell.

And much would haue geuen me, had my weddyng growne

Vpon hir fansy, as it grew vpon mine owne.

And in likewyfe myne vncle hir hufband, was

A father to me. Well (quoth I) let pas:

And if your hufbande will his affent graunt,

Go, he to his vncle, and you to your aunt.

Yes this affent he graunteth before (quoth fhe)

For he er this thought this the beft way to be.

But of thefe two thinges he woulde determine none

Without ayde. For two heddis are better then one.
With

18
The fyrft parte.

With this we departed, fhe to hir hufbande,
And I to diner to them on thother hande.

The. x. chapiter.

Vhan diner was doone, I came home agayne,
Vie attende on the retourne of thefe twayne.
And er thrée howres to ende were fully tryde,

Home came fhe fyrft, welcome (quoth I) and well hyde.

Ye a fhort horfe is foone corryd (quoth fhée)

But the weaker hath the wurs we all daie fée.

After our laft partyng, my hufbande and I

Departed, eche to place agréed formerly.

Myne vncle and aunte on me dyd loure and glome.

Bothe bad me god spéede, but none bad me welcome.

Their folkis glomd on me to, by which it apéereth.

The yonge cocke croweth, as he the olde héereth.

At dyner they were, and made (for maners fake)

A kynfwoman of ours me to table take.

A falfe flattryng fylth, and if that be good,

None better to beare two faces in one hood.

She fpeaketh as fhe would créepe into your bofome.

And when the meale mouth hath woon the bottome

Of your ftomake, than will the pickthanke it tell

To your moft enmies, you to bye and fell.

To tell tales out of {choole, that is hir great luft.

Looke what fhe knowth, blab it wift, and out it muft.

There is no mo fuch titifyls in Englands ground,

To holde with the hare, and run with the hound.

Fyre in the tone hande, and water in the tother,

The makebate beareth betwéene brother and brother.

She can wynke on the yew, and wery the lam.

She maketh earneft matters of euery flymflam.

She muft haue an ore in euery mans barge.

And no man may chat ought in ought of hir charge.
C ij Coll

19
The fyrft parte.

Coll vnder canftyk, fhe can plaie on bothe handis,

Diffimulacion well fhe vnderftandis.

She is loft with an apple, and woon with a nut.

Her tong is no edge toole, but yet it will cut.

Her chéekes are purple ruddie lyke a horfe plumme.

And the bygge parte of hir bodie is hir bumme.

But little titte all tayle, I haue heard er this,

As high as twoo horfe loues hir perfon is.

For priuie nyps or cafts ouertwart the fhyns,

He fhall lefe the maiftrie that with hir begyns.

She is, to turne loue to hate, or ioye to gréefe

A paterne, as méete as a rope for a théefe.

Her promife of fréendfhip, for any auayle,

Is as fure to holde as an ele by the tayle.

She is nother fyfhe nor flefhe, nor good red hearyng.

She is a ryngleader there, And I fearyng

She would fpit her venym, thought it not euyll

To fette vp a candle before the deuyll.

I clawd hir by the backe in waie of a charme,

To do me, not the more good, but the leffe harme.

Praiyng hir in hir eare, on my fyde to holde,

She therto fwearyng by her falfe faith, fhe wolde.

Streight after diner myne aunte had no choice,

But other burft, or burft out in pilats voice.

Ye hufwife, what wynde blowth ye hyther thus right ?

Ye might haue knokt er ye came in, leaue is light.

Better vnborne than vntought, I haue heard faie,

But ye be better fed then taught farre awaie.

Not very fat fed, faid this flebergebet,

But néede hath no lawe, néede maketh hir hither iet.

She comth néece Ales (quoth fhe) for that is hir name,

More for néede, than for kyndnes, peyne of fhame.

Howbeit fhe can not lacke, for he fyndth that féekes,

Louers liue by loue, ye as larkes liue by léekes
Saied

20
i

The fyrft parte.

Saied this Ales, muche more then halfe in mockage.
Tufhe (quoth mine aunte) thefe louers in dotage
Thinke the ground beare them not, but wed of corage
They muft in all hafte, though a leafe of borage
Might by all the fubftance that they can fell.

Well aunt (quoth Ales) all is well that endes well.

Ye Ales, of a good begynnyng comth a good end.
Not fo good to borowe, as be able to lend.

Naie in déede aunte (quoth fhe) it is fure fo,

She muft nedes grant, fhe hath wrought hir owne wo.
She thought Ales, fhe had féene far in a milftone,
Whan fhe gat a hufbande, and namely fuche one,

As they by weddyng could not onely nought wyn,
But lofe bothe liuyng and loue of all their kyn.

Good aunt (quoth I) humblie I befeche yée,

My trefpas doone to you forgeue it mée.

I know and knowlage, I haue wrought mine owne peyn,
But thingis paft my handis, I can not call agein.

True (quoth Ales) thinges doone can not be vndoone,

. Be they done in due tyme, to late, or to foone,

But better late then neuer to repent this,
To late (quoth mine aunt) this repentance fhewd is,
Whan the ftéede is ftolne fhut the ftable durre.
I toke hir for a rofe, but fhe bréedth a burre.
She comth to fticke to me nowe in hir lacke.
Rather to rent of my clothes fro my backe,
Than to do me one farthyng woorth of good.
I fée daie at this little hole. For this bood
Shewth what fruite will folow. In good faith I faide,
In waie of peticion I fue for your ayde.
A well (quoth fhe) now I well vnderftand
The walkyng ftaffe hath caught warmth in your hand.
A cleane fingred hufwyfe, and an ydell, folke faie,
And wyll be lyme fyngerd I feare by my fay.
C iij It
The fyrft parte.

It is as tender as a parfons lemman.

Nought can fhe dooe, and what can fhe haue than?
As fober as fhe féemth, fewe daies come about

But fhe will onece waffhe hir face in an ale clout.
And than betwene hir and the reft of the rout,

I proud, and thou proud, who fhall beare thafhes out.
She maie not beare a fether, but fhe muft breath,
She maketh fo much of hir peynted fheath.

She thinkth her farthyng good fyluer I tell you,

But for a farthyng who euer did fell you,

Myght boft you to be better folde then bought.

And yet though fhe be woorth nought, nor haue nought,
Her gowne is gaier and better then mine.

At hir gaie gowne (quoth Ales) ye maie repine.
Howe be it as we maie we loue to go gaie all.

Well well (quoth mine aunte) pryde wyll haue a fall.
For pryde goeth before, and fhame cometh after.
Sure (faide Ales) in maner of mockyng laughter,
There is nothing in this worlde that agréeth wurs,
Then dooeth a Ladies hert and a beggers purs.

But pryde fhe fhewth none, hir looke reafon alouth,
She lookth as butter wolde not melte in hir mouth.
Well the ftill fowe eats vp all the draffe Ales.

All is not golde that glifters by tolde tales.

In youth fhe was towarde and without euill.

But foone rype foone rotten, yong seynt olde deuill.
How be it lo god fendth the fhrewd coow fhort hornes.
While fhe was in this houfe fhe fat vpon thornes.
Eche one daie was thrée, tyll lybertée was borow,
For one monthis ioie to bryng hir hole liues forow.

It were pitie (quoth Ales) but fhe fhould do well.
For beautie and ftature fhe beareth the bell.

Ill wéede growth faft Ales: wherby the corne is lorne.
For furely the wéede ouergroweth the corne.

22
The fyrfe parte.

Ye praife the wyne, before ye taft of the grape.

But fhe can no more harme than can a fhe ape.

It is a good body, hir propertie préeues.

She lacketh but euen a new payre of fléeues.

If I maie (as they say) tell trouth without fyn.

Of trouth fhe is a wolfe in a lambes fkyn.

Her herte is full hie, whan her eye is full low.

A geft as good loft as founde, for all this fhow.

But many a good coowe hath an euill caulfe.

I fpeake this doughter in thy mothers behalfe.

My fifter (God reft hir foule) whom though I boft,

Was cald the floure of honeftée in this coft.

Aunt (quoth I) I take for father and mother

Myne vncle and you aboue all other.

When we wold, ye wold not be our childe (quoth fhée)

Wherfore now whan ye wold, now will not wée.

Sens thou wouldft néedes caft awaie thy selfe thus,

Thou fhalte fure finke in thine own fyn for vs.

Aunt (quoth I) after a dotyng or dronken déede,

Let fubmiffion obteine fome mercie or méede.

He that kylth a man, whan he is dronke (quoth fhe)

Shalbe hangd when he is fobre. And he

Whom in itching no fcratchyng will forbere,

He muft beare the fmartyng that fhall folow there.

And thou beyng borne very nigh of my ftocke,

Though ny be my kyrtell, yet nere is my fmocke.

I haue one of mine owne whom I mutft looke to.

Ye aunt (quoth Ales) that thinge mufte ye néedes do.

Nature compelth you to fet your owne fyrft vp.

For I haue heard faie, it is a déere colup

That is cut out of thowne flefhe. But yet aunte,

So fmall maie hir requeft be, that ye maie graunte

To fatiffie the fame, whiche maie do her good,

And you no harme in thauanfyng your owne blood.
And

23
The fyrfe parte.

And cofin (quoth-fhe to me) what ye would craue,
Declare, that our aunt may know what ye would haue.
Nay (quoth I) be they wynners or loofers,

Folke faie alwaie, beggers fhould be no choofers.

With thankes I fhall take what euer mine aunte pleafe.
Where nothyng is, a little thyng dooth eafe,

Hunger makth hard beanes fwéete. where faddles lacke
Better ride on a pad, than on the horfe bare backe.
And by this prouerbe apéerth this o thyng,

That alwaie fomwhat is better then nothyng.

Hold faft whan ye haue it (quoth fhe) by my lyfe.
The boy thy hufbande, and thou the gyrle his wyfe,
Shall not confume that I haue laboured fore.

Thou art yong inough, and I can woorke no more.
Kyt calot my coofyn fawe this thus far on,

And in mine auntis eare fhe whispreth anon
Roundly thefe woordes, to make this matter whole.
Aunt, leat them that be a colde blowe at the cole.
They fhall for me Ales (quoth fhe) by gods blyft.
She and I haue fhaken handes. farewell vnkytt.
And thus with a becke as good as a dieu gard,

She flang fro me, and I from hir hitherward.
Beggyng of hir booteth not the woorth of a beane.
Littell knoweth the fat fow, what the leane dooth meane.
Forfooth (quoth I) ye haue beftyrd ye well.

But where was your vncle whyle all this fray fell?

A fléepe by (quoth fhe) routyng lyke a hog.

And it is euyll wakyng of a fléepyng dog.

The bytche and hir whelpe might haue béene a fléepe to,
For ought they in wakyng to me would do.

Fare ye well (quoth fhe) I will nowe home ftreite,

And at my hufbandis handis for better newes weite.

8

The

24
Lhe fyrft parte.

The. xt. chapiter.
E came home to me the next daie before noone.
What tydingis now (quoth I) how haue ye doone?
Vpon our departyng (quoth he) yefterdaie
Toward mine vncles, fomwhat more than mydway,
I ouertooke a man, a feruaunt of his,
And a fréend of myne. Who geffed ftreight with this
What mine errand was, offryng in the fame,
To do his beft for me, and fo in gods name,
Thyther we went, no body beyng within,
But myne vncle, myne aunte, and one of our kyn.
A mad knaue, as it were a raylyng gefter,
Not a more gagglyng gander henfe to Chefter.
At fight of me he afked, who haue we there?
I haue féene this gentleman, if I wift where.
Howe be it lo, feldome féene, foone forgotten.
He was (as he will be) fomwhat cupfhotten.
Sixe daies in the wéeke befide the market daie.
Malt is aboue wheate with him. market men faie.
But for as muche as I fawe the fame taunt
Contented well mine vncle and mine aunt.
And that I cam to fall in, and not to fall out,
I forbare: or els his dronken red fnout,
I would haue made as oft chaunge from hew to hew,
As dooth the cocks of Inde. For this is trew,
It is a {mall hop on my thombe. And Chrift wot,
It-is wood at a woorde. little potte foone whot.
Nowe mery as a cricket, and by and by,
Angry as a wafpe, though in both no caufe why.
But he was at home there, he might fpeake his will.
Euery cocke is proude on his owne dunghill.
I fhall be euen with him herein whan I can.
But he hauyng done, thus myne vncle began.
D Ye
The fyrft parte.

Ye marchant, what attempth you, to attempt vs,
To come on vs before the meffenger thus?
Roming in an out, I here tell how ye toffe.
But fonne, the rollyng ftone neuer gatherth moffe.
Lyke a pyckpurs pilgrim, ye prie and ye proule
At rouers, to rob Peter and paie Poule.
Iwys I know, or any more be tolde,
That draffe is your errand, but drinke ye wolde.
Vncle (quoth I) of the caufe, for whiche I com,
I pray you paciently here the hole fom.
In fayth (quoth he) without any more fummyng,
T know to beg of me is thy commyng,
Forfoth (quoth his man) it is fo in déede.
And I dare boldly bofte, if ye knewe his néede,
Ye wolde of pittie yet fet him in fome ftey.
Sonne, better be enuied than pitied, folke fey.
And for his caufe of pitée (had he had grace)
He might this daie haue béene cleere out of the cafe.
But now he hath well fyfht and caught a frog.
Where nought is to wed with, wife men fide the clog.
Where I (quoth I) did not as ye wyld or bad,
That repent I oft, and as oft wifhe I had.
Sonne (quoth he) as I haue herd of myne olders,
Wifhers and wolders be no good houfeholders.
This prouerbe for a leffon, with fuch other.
Not lyke (as who faieth) the sonne of my brother,
But lyke mine owne fonne, I ofte before tolde the,
To caft hir quite of, but it woulde not holde the.
Whan I wyld the any other where to go,
Tutfhe, there was no mo maydes but malkyn tho.
Ye had béen loft to lacke your luft, whan ye lyft,
By two myles trudgeyng twyfe a wéeke to be kyft.
I would ye had kyft, well I will no more fturre.
It is good to haue a hatche before the durre.

But

26
The fyrfe parte.

But who will in tyme prefent pleafure refrayne,

Shall in time to come, the more pleafure obtayne.

Folowe pleafure, and then will pleafure fide. ;

Flée pleafure, and pleafure will folowe thée, '

And howe is my faiyng come to paffe nowe?

How oft did I prophecie this betwéene you

And your ginifinée nycebecetur ?

Whan fwéete fuger fhould tourne to foure falte petur,

Wherby ye fhould in feyng that ye neuer fawe,

Thynke that you neuer thought. your felfe a dawe.

But that tyme ye thought me a dawe. fo that I

Dyd no good in all my woordes then, faue onely

Approued this prouerbe playne and true mater,

A man maie well bring a horfe to the water,

But he can not make him drinke without he will.

Colts (quoth his man) may proue well with tatches yll.

For of a ragged colte there comth a good horfe.

If he be good now of his ill paft no force.

Well, he that hangth him felfe a fondaie (faid hée)

Shall hang ftill vacut downe a mondaie for mée.

I haue hangd vp my hatchet, God fpéede him well.

A wonder thing what thingis thefe olde thinges tell.

Cat after kynde good moufe hunt. And alfo

Men faie, kinde will créepe where it maie not go.

Commenly all thyng fhewth fro whens it camme.

The litter is lyke to the fyre and the damme.

How can the fole amble, if the hors and mare trot ?

Thefe fentenfes are affigned vnto thy lot,

By condicions of thy father and mother,

My fyfter in lawe, and mine owne faid brother.

Thou foloweft their fteppes as right as a lyne.

For when prouander prickt them a little tyne,

They did as thy wife and thou did, both dote

Eche one on other, and beyng not woorth a grote,
D ij They

27
The fyrft parte.

They went (witleffe) to wedding. Wherby at laft
They both went a beggyng. And euen the lyke caft
Haft thou. thou wilt beg or fteale, er thou dye.
Take héede fréende I haue féene as far come as nye.
If ye féeke to fynde thynges, er they be loft,
Ye fhall fynde one daie you come to your coft.
This doo I but repete, for this I tolde thée,
And more I faie: but I could not then holde thée.
Nor will not holde the now: nor fuche foly féele,
To fet at my hert that thou fetteft at thy héele.
And as of my good, er I one grote géeue,
I wyll fée how my wyfe, and my felfe maie léeue.
Thou goeft a glenyng er the cart haue caried.
But er thou gleine ought, fens thou woldit be maried
Shall I make the laugh now, and my felfe wéepe then ?
Naie good childe, better children wéepe then olde men.
Men fhould not prefe much, to fpend much vpon fooles.
Fifhe is cafte awaie that is caft in drie pooles.
To fiée charge, and fynde eafe, ye wold now héere ofte.
It is eafy to cry vle at other mens cofte.
But a bow long bent, at length muft ware weake.
Long bent I toward you, but that bent I will breake.
Fare well and féede full, that loue ye well to do.
But you luft not to doo, that longeth therto.
The cat would eate fyfhe, and would not wet her féete.
They muft hunger in froft, that will not woorke in héete.
And he that will thriue, muft afke leaue of his wife.
_ But your wife will geue none, by your and hir life.
'”-It is harde to wiue and thryue bothe in a yere.
Thus by thy wyuyng, thryuyng dooth fo appere,
That thou art paft thrift before thryft begyn.
But lo, wyll wyll haue wyll, though will wo wyn,
Will is a good fonne, and will is a fhrewde boy.
And wilfull fhrewde will hath wrought thée this toy.

A

28
The fyrft parte.

A gentle white fpurre, and at néede a fure {peare.
He ftandth now as he had a flea in his eare.
How be it for any great courtefie he doth make,
It féemth the gentill man hath eaten a ftake.
He beareth a dagger in his fleue, truft mée,
To kyll all that he méeteth prouder then hée.
He will perke, I here fay he muft haue the benche.
Iacke would be a gentleman if he could fpeake frenche.
He thinkth his féete be, where his head fhall neuer come.
He would fayne flée, but he wanteth fethers, fome.
Sir (quoth his man) he will no faute defende,
But harde is for any man all fautes to mende.
He is liueles, that is fautles, olde folkes thought.
He hath (quoth he) but one faute, he is nought.
Well (quoth his man) the beft cart maie ouerthrowe.
Cartis well driuen (quoth he) go longe vpright thowe.
But for my rewarde, let him be no longer tarier.
I will fend it him, by Iohn Longe the carier.
O helpe him fir (faide he) fens ye eafily maie.
Shamfull crauyng (quoth he) muft haue fhamefull naie.
Ye maie fyr (quoth he) mend thrée naies with one yée.
Two falfe knaues néede no broker, men fay (faid hée)
Some faie alfo it is mery when knaues méete.
But the mo knaues the woorfe company to gréete.
The one knaue now croucheth, while thother crauith.
But to fhew what fhalbe his releuauith.
Either after my death if my will be kept,
Or duryng my lyfe : had I this hall hept
With golde, he maie his parte on good fridaie eate,
And faft neuer the wurs, for ought he fhall geate.
Thefe former leffons conde, take foorth this, fonne.
Tell thy cardes, and than tell me what thou haft wonne.
Now here is the doore, and there is the wey,
And fo (quoth he) farewell gentill Geffrey.

D iij Thus

* 29
The fyrft parte.

Thus parted I from him, beyng muche difmaide,

Whiche his man fawe, and (to comfort me) faied.

What man, plucke vp your hert, be of good chéere.

After cloudes blacke, we fhall haue weather cléere.

What fhould your face thus agayne the woll be fhorne

For one fall? What man all this winde fhakis no corne.

Let this winde ouerblow. a tyme I will fpy,

To take wynde and tyde with me, and fpede therby.

I thanke you (quoth I) but great boft and {mall rofte,

Maketh vnfauery mouthes, where ever men ofte.

And this bofte veraie vnfauorly ferueth.

For while the graffe groweth the horfe fterueth.

Better one byrde in hande than ten in the wood.

Rome was not built in one daie (quoth he) and yet ftood.

Till it was finifht, as fome fay, full faire.

Your hert is in your hofe all in difpaire.

But as euery man faith, a dog hath a daie.

Should you a man, difpaire than any daie? naie.

Ye haue many ftryngis to the bowe, for ye know.

Though I, hauyng the bent of your vncles bow,

Can no way bryng your bolte in the but to ftand,

Yet haue ye other markis to roue at hand.

The kays hang not all by one mans gyrdell man.

Though nought wilbe woon here, I fay, yet ye can

Tafte other kinfmen, of whom ye may geat,

Here fome and there fome, many {mall make a great.

For come lyght winnynges with bleffings or curfes,

Euermore light gaynes make heauy purfes.

Children learne to créepe er they can learne to go.

And little and little, ye muft learne euen fo.

Throw no gyft agayne at the geuers head,

For better is halfe a lofe than no bread.

I maie beg my bread (quoth I) for my kyn all

That dwelth ny. Well, yet (quoth he) and the woorft fall,
Ye

30
The fyrft parte.

Ye maie to your kinfman, hens nine or ten mile.
Riche without charge, whom ye faw not of long while.
That benchwhiftler (quoth I) is a pinchpeny,
As free of gyft, as a poore man of his eie.
I fhall geat a fart of a dead man as foone
As a farthyng of him, his dole is foone doone.
He is fo hy in thinftep, and fo ftreight lafte,
That pryde and couetyfe withdrawth all repafte,
Ye know what he hath béene (quoth he) but iwis,
Abfence faith plainly, ye know not what he is.
Men know (quoth I) I haue herd now and then,
How the market goth by the market men.
Further it is faide, who that faiyng wayth,
It muft néedes be true, that euery man fayth.
Men fay alfo, children and fooles can not ly.
And both man and child faieth, he is a heinfby.
And my felfe knowth him, I dare boldly brag,
Euen as well as the begger knowth his bag.
And I knew him, not woorth a grey grote.
He was at an ebbe, though he be now a flote,
Poore as the pooreft. And now nought he fetteth
By poore folke, For the paryfhe prieft forgetteth
That euer he hath bene holy water clarke.
By ought I can now here, or euer could marke.
Of no man hath he pitie or compaffion.
Well (quoth he) euery man after his faffion.
He maie yet pitie you, for ought doth appéere,
It hapth in one houre, that hapth not in. vii. yere.
Forfpeake not your fortune, nor hide not your néede.
Nought venter nought haue. fpare to fpeake {pare to fpéede.
Vnknowne vnkyft. it is lofte that is vnsought.
As good féeke nought (quoth I) as feeke and finde nought.
It is (quoth he) yll fyfhyng before the net.
But though we get little, dere bought and far fet.
Are

3r
The fyrft parte.

Are deinties for Ladies. Go we both twoo,

I haue for my maifter thereby to doo,

I maie breake a difhe there. and fure I fhall

Set all at fixe and feuen, to win fome windfall.

And I will hang the bell about the cats necke.

For I will firft breake, and ieobard the firft checke.
And for to wyn this praie, though the coft be mine,
Leat vs prefent him with a bottle of wyne.

What fhould we (quoth I) greafe the fat fow in thars,
We maie doo much ill, er we doo much wars.

It is, to geue him, as muche almes or néede

As caft water in tems, or as good a déede,

As it is to helpe a dogge ouer a ftyle.

Than go we (quoth he) we lefe tyme all this while.
To folow his fancy, we went together.

And toward night yefternight when we came thyther,
She was within, but he was yet abrode.

And ftreight as fhe fawe me, fhe fwelde lyke a tode.
Pattryng the diuels Pater nofter to hir felfe,

God neuer made a more crabbed elfe.

She bad him welcome, but the wurs for mée.

This knaue comth a beggyng, by me thought fhée.
I {melde hir out, and had hir ftreight in the wynde.
She maie abide no beggers of any kynde.

They be both gréedy guts all geuen to get.

They care not how: all is fifhe that comth to net.
They know no ende of their good: nor beginnyng
Of any goodneffe. fuche is wretched winnyng.
Hunger droppeth euen out of bothe their nofes.
She goth with broken fhone and torne hofes

But who is wurs fhod, than the fhoemakers wyfe,
With fhops full of newe fhoes all hir lyfe?

Or who will doo leffe, then they that may do mofte?

And namely of hir I can no waie make bofte.
She

32
The forft parte.

She is one of them, to whom God bad who.
She will all haue, and will right nought forgo.
She will not part with the paryng of hir nayles,
She toyleth continually for auayles.
Whiche life fhe hath fo long now kept in vre.
That for no life fhe wolde make chaunge, be fure.
But this leffon lernde I, er I was yeres feuen.
They that be in hell, wene there is none other heuen.
She is nothyng fayre, but fhe is yll fauourd.
And no more vnclenly, than vnfwéete fauourd.
But hakney men faie, at mangy hackneis hyer,
A fcald hors is good inough for a fcabde fquyer.
He is a knuckylbonyard veraie méete
To matche a minion nother fayre nor fwéete.
He winkth with the tone eie, and lokth with the tother
I will not truft him though he were my brother.
He hath a poyfon wyt, and all his delyte,
To geue tauntes and checkes of moft fpitefull fpyte.
In that houfe commonly fuch is the caft,
A man fhall as foone breake his necke as his faft.
And yet nowe fuche a gyd did hir head take,
That more for my mates then for maners fake.
We had bread and drinke, and a chéefe very greate.
But the greatteft crabs be not all the beft meate.
For hir crabbed chéefe, with all the greatneffe,
Myght well abide the fineneffe, or fweatneffe,
Anon he cam in. And when he vs fawe,
To my companion kindlie he did drawe.
And a well fauourd welcome to him he yéelds.
Byddyng me welcome ftrangly ouer the féelds.
With thefe woordes, Ah yong man I know your matter,
By my faith you come to looke in my water.
And-for my comfort to your confolacion,
Ye would, by my purs, geue me a purgacion.

E But

33
The fyrft parte.

But I am laxatiue inough there otherwife.

This (quoth this yonge man) contrary doth ryfe.

For he is purs ficke, and lackth a phificion,

And hopeth vpon you in fome condicion.

Not by purgacion, but by reftoratiue.

To ftrength his weakeneffe to kéepe him aliue.

I can not (quoth he) for though it be my lot

To haue fpeculacion, yet I pra¢tyfe not.

I fée muche, but I fay little, and doo leffe,

In this kinde of phificke. and what would ye geffe,

Shall I confume my felfe, to reftore him now?

Nay, backare (quoth mortimer to his fow)

He can before this tyme, no tyme affine,

In whiche he hath laied downe one peny by myne,

That euer might either make me bite or fup.

And byr lady fréed, nought lay downe, nought take vp.

Ka me, ka the, one good tourne afkth an other.

Nought woon by the tone, nought won by the tother.

To put me to cofte, thou camft halfe a fcore myles,-

Out of thine owne neft, to féeke me in thefe out yles.

Where thou wilt not ftep ouer a ftraw, I thynke,

To wyn me the woorth of one draught of drynke.

No more than I haue wonne of all thy hole ftocke.

I haue bene common Iacke to all that hole flocke.

Whan ought was to doo, I was common hackney,

Folke call on the horfe that will cary alwey.

But euermore the common horfe is woorft fhod.

Defert and rewarde be oft tymes thynges far od.

At end I might put my winnyng in mine eye,

And fée neuer the woorfe, for ought I wan them bye.

And now without them, I liue here at ftaues end.

Where I néed not borowe, nor I will not lend.

It is good to beware by other mens harmes,

But thy takyng of thyne aulter in thine armes.
Teacheth

34
The fyrft parte.

Teacheth other to beware of their harmes by thyne.
Thou haft ftriken the ball, vnder the lyne.
I praie you (quoth I) pitie me a poore man,
With fomewhat, tyll I maie woorke as I can.
Toward your woorkyng (quoth he) ye make fuch taftingis,
As approue you to be none of the haftingis.
Ye ren to woorke in hafte as nine men helde ye.
But whan fo euer ye to woorke muft yeld ye.
If your meete mate and you méete together,
Than fhall we {ée two men beare a fether.
Recompenfyng former loytryng lyfe loofe,
As dyd the pure penitent that ftale a goofe
And ftack downe a fether. And where olde folke tell,
That euill gotten good neuer proueth well.
Ye wyll truely get, and true gettyng well kéepe
Till time ye be as ryche as a new fhorne fhéepe:
Howe be it whan thrift and you fell fyrft at a fray,
You played the man, for ye made thrift ren away.
So helpe me god, in my poore opinion,
A man might make a plaie of this minion.
And fain no ground, but take tales of his owne fréends,
I fucke not this out of my owne fingers éends.
And fens ye were wed, although I nought gaue you,
Yet pray I for you, God and faint Luke faue you.
And here is all. For what fhould I further wade?
I was neyther of court nor of counfayle made.
And it is, as I haue lerned in lyftnyng,
A poore dogge, that is not woorth the whyftlyng.
A daie er I was wedde, I bad you (quoth I)
Scarbrough warnyng I had (quoth he) wherby,
I kept me thens, to ferue the accordyng.
And now if this nightes lodgeyng and bordyng.
Maie eafe the, and ryd me from any more charge,
Then welcome, or els get the ftreight at large.

E jj For

35
The fyrft parte.

For of further rewarde, marke how I boft me,
In cafe as ye fhall yelde me as ye coft me,
So fhall ye coft me as ye yelde me likewife.
Whiche is, a thing of nought rightly to furmyfe.
Here with all his wife to make vp my mouthe,
Not onely hir hufbandes tauntyng tale auouthe,
But therto deuifeth to caft in my téeth,
Checks and chokyag oyfters. And whan fhe féeth
Her tyme to take vp, to fhew my fare at beft,
Ye fée your fare (fayd the) fet your hert at reft.
Fare ye well (quoth I) how euer I fare now.
And well mote ye fare bothe whan I dyne with yow.
Come, go we hens friend (quoth I to my mate)
And now will I make a croffe on this gate.
And I (quoth he) croffe the quyte out of my booke.
Sens thou art croffe faylde, auale vnhappie hooke.
By hooke or crooke nought could I wyn there, men fay
He that comth euery daie, fhall haue a cocknaie.
He that comth now and then, fhall haue a fatte hen.
But I gat not fo muche in comyng féelde when,
As a good hens fether, or a poore egfhell.
As good play for nought as woorke for nought, folke tell.
Well well (quoth he) we be but where we were.
Come what come would, I thought er we came there,
That if the woorft fell, we could haue but a naie.
There is no harme doone man in all this fraie.
Neither pot broken, nor water fpylt.
Farewell he (quoth I) I will as foone be hylt,
As waite againe for the moonefhine in the water.
But is not this a prety pyked mater ?
To difdeygne me, who mucke of the worlde hoordth not,
As he dooth, it may ryme but it accordth not.
She fometh lyke a bore, the beaft fhould féeme bolde.
For fhe is as fierce, as a Lyon of Cotfolde.
She

30

a
The fyrft parte.

She fryeth in hir owne greafe, but as for my parte,
If fhe be angry, befhrew her angry harte.
Fréend (quoth he) he maie fhewe wifdome at will,
That with angry herte can holde his tongue ftyll.
Let pacience growe in your gardein alwaie.
Some loofe or od ende will come man, fome one daie
From fome fréende, eyther in lyfe or at death.
Death (quoth I) take we that tyme, to take a breath ?
Than graffe we a greene graffe on a rotten roote,
Who waitth for dead men fhoen, fhall go long barefoote
Let paffe (quoth he) and leat vs be trudgeing,
Where fome noppy ale is, and fofte fwéete ludgeing.
Be it (quoth I) but I would very fayne eate.
At breackfaft and diner I éete little meate.
And two hongry meales make the thyrd a glutten:
We went where we had boylde béefe and bake mutton,
Wherof I fed me as fulle as a tunne.
And a bed were we er the clocke had nine runne.
Early we rofe, in haft to get awaie,
And to the hoftler this mornyng by daie
This felow calde. what how felow, thou knaue,
I pray the leat me and my felow haue
A heare of the dog that bote vs laft night.
And bitten were we both to the braine aright,
We fawe eche other drunke in the good ale glas,
And fo did eche one eche other, that there was.
Saue one, but olde men fay that are fkyld,
A hard foughten féeld, where no man fkapth vnkyld.
The recknyng reckned he, néeds would pay the fhot,
And nedes he muft for me, for I had it not.
This doone we fhoke handes, and parted in fyne,
He into his waie, and I into myne.
But this iourney was quite out of my waie.
Many kynffolke and few fréends, fome folke faie.

E iij But

37
The fyrft parte.

But I fynde many kynffolke, and fréende not one.
Folke fay, it hath béene faide many yeres fens gone,
Proue thy fréende er thou haue néede, but in déede
A fréende is neuer knowen tyll a man haue néede.
Before I had néede, my moft prefent foes

Semed my moft fréends, but thus the world goes,
Euery man bafteth the fat hog we fee,

But the leane fhall burne er he bafted bée.

As feyth this fentence, oft and long fayd before,

He that hath plentie of goodes fhall haue more,

He that hath but a little, he fhall haue leffe.

He that hath right nought, right nought fhall poffeffe.
Thus hauing right nought, and would fomwhat obtayne.
With right nought (quoth he) I am retournd againe.

The. xit. chapiter.

Urely (quoth I) ye haue in this time thus worne,

Made a long harueft for a little corne.
Howbeit, comforte your felfe with this old text,
That telth vs, when bale is hekft, boote is next.
Though euery man may not fyt in the chayre.
Yet alwaie the grace of God is woorth a fayre.
Take no thought in no cafe, God is where he was.
But put cafe in pouertée all your life pas.
Yet pouertee and poore degrée, taken well,
Féedth on this, he that neuer climbde, neuer fell.
And fome cafe at fome tyme fhewth préefe fomwhere,
That riches bringth oft harme, and euer feare.
Where pouertée paffeth without grudge of gréefe.
What man, the begger maie fyng before the théefe,
And who can fyng fo mery a note,
As maie he, that can not chaunge a grote.
Ye (quoth he) beggers maie fyng before théeues,
And weepe before true men, lamentyng their greeues.

Some

38
The fyrft parte.

Some faie, and I feele hunger perfeth ftone wall.
Meate nor yet money to bye meate withall,
Haue I not fo muche as maie hunger defende
Fro my wyfe and me. Well (quoth I) God will fende
Tyme to prouyde for tyme, right well ye fhall fée.
God fende that prouifion in tyme (faid he.)
And thus féemyng welnie wery of his lyfe,
The poore wretch went to his like poore wretched wyfe.
From wantonnes to wretchedneffe, brought on their knees.
Their hartes full heauy, their heades be full of bees.
And after this a monthe, or fomwhat leffe,
Their landlorde came to their houfe to take a ftreffe
For rent, to haue kept Bayard in the ftable.
But that to win, any power was vnable.
For though it be ill plaiyng with fhort daggers,
Whiche meaneth, that euery wife man ftaggers,
In earneft or boorde to be bufie or bolde
With his biggers or betters, yet this is tolde.
Where as nothing is, the kynge mutt lofe his right.
And thus, kyng or keyfer muft haue fet them quight.
But warnyng to departe thens they neded none.
For er the next daie the birdes were flowne eche one,
To féeke feruyce. of whiche where the man was fped,
The wife could not fpéede, but maugre hir hed,
She muft féeke elswhere. for eyther there or ny,
Seruyce for any fuite fhe none could efpy.
All folke thought them not onely to lyther,
To lynger bothe in one houfe togyther.
But alfo dwellyng ny vnder their wyngs,
Vnder their nofes, they might conuey thinges,
Suche as were neither to heauie nor to whot.
More in a month then they their maifter got
In a whole yere. Wherto folke further weiyng,
Receiue eche of other in their conueiyng,

Might

39
The fyrft parte.

Might be worft of all. For this prouerbe préeues,
Where be no receiuers, there be no théeues.

Suche hap here hapt, that common dreade of fuch gyles
Droue them and kepth them a funder many myles.
Thus though loue decrée, departure death to bée,
Yet pouertie parteth felowfhip we fée.

And doth thofe two true louers fo diffeuer,

That méete fhall they féelde when, or haply neuer.
And thus by loue, without regard of liuyng,

Thefe twayne haue wrought eche others yll chiuyng.
And loue hath fo loft them the loue of their fréendis,
That I thinke them loft, and thus this tale éendis.

The. xtit. chapiter.

H fir (faid my fréend) when men will néedis mary,

I see now, how wifdome and haft maie varie,
Namely where they wed for loue altogether.
I would for no good, but I had come hyther.
Swéete beautie with foure beggery, naie I am gon,
To the welthy wythered wydow, by Sent Iohn.
What yet in all hafte (quoth I) Ye (q, hee)
For fhe hath fubftance inough. and ye fee,
That lacke is the loffe of thefe two yong fooles.
Know ye not (quoth I) that after wife mens fchooles,
A man fhould here all partis, er he iudge any?
Why axe ye that (quoth he.) For this (quoth I.
I tolde you, whan I this began that I woulde ~
Tell you of two couples. and I hauyng told
But of the tone, ye be ftreight ftartyng away,
As I of the tother had right nought to fay.
Or as your felfe of them right nought wold here.
Naie not all fo (quoth he) but fyns I thynke clere,
There can no way appeere fo peinfull a lyfe,
Betwene your yong neighbour and his old ryche wyfe.

40

As
The fyrft parte.

As this tale in this yong poore couple dooth fhow,
And that the moft good or leaft yll ye know.

To take at ende, I was at begynnyng bent,

With thanks for this, and your more peyne to preuent,
Without any more matter now reuolued.

I take this matter here cléerely refolued.

And that ye herein awarde me to forfake,

Beggerly beautie, and riueld riches take.

Thats iuft, if the halfe fhall iudge the whole (quoth 1)
But yet here the whole, the whole wholly to try.

To it (quoth he) than I praie you by and by.

We will dyne fyrft (quoth I) it is noone hy.

We maie as well (quoth he) dine whan this is doone.
The longer forenoone the fhorter after noone.

All comth to one, and therby men haue geft,

Alwaie the longer eaft the fhorter weft.

We haue had (quoth I) before ye came, and fyn,
Weather, méete to fette paddockes abroode in.

Rain, more than enough, and when all fhrews haue dind,
Chaunge from foule weather to faire is oft enclind.
And all the fhrews in this parte, fauyng one wife
That muft dine with vs, haue dinde peine of my life.
Now if good chaunge of ill weather be dependyng
Vpon hir diet, what were mine offendyng,

To kepe the woman any longer faftyng.

If ye (quoth he) fet all this far caftyng,

For common wealth, as it apéereth a cléere cafe,
Reafon would your will fhuld, and fhall take place.

{Thus endeth the fyrft part.
F The

4l
The leconde parte.

The. t. chapiter.

Iners can not be long, where deinties want,
Where coine is not common, commons mutt be fcant.

In pofte pafe we paft from potage to chéefe,
And yet this man cride, alas what time we léefe.
He would not let vs paufe after our repafte,
But apart he pluckt me ftreight, and in all hafte,
As I of this poore yonge man, and poore yong mayde,
Or more poore yong wyfe, the forefaid woordes had faid,
So praieth he me now the proceffe maie be tolde,
Betwéene thother yong man, and riche widow olde.
If ye lacke that (quoth I) awaie ye muft wynde,
With your hole errand, and halfe thanfwere behynde.
Whiche thing to do, fens haft therto fhewth you loth,
And to haft your goyng, the daie awaie goth.
And that tyme lofte, again we can not wyn. .
Without more loffe of tyme, this tale I begyn.

IN this late olde wydow, and than olde new wyfe,
Age and appetite fell at a ftronge ftryfe. =
Her luft was as yonge as hir lymis were olde.
The daie of hir weddyng, like one to be folde,
She fet out hir felfe in fyne apparell. :
She was made lyke a béere pot, or a barell.
A crooked hooked nofe, béetyll browde, blere eyde.
Many men wifhte, for beautfiyng that -bryde.
Hir wafte to be gyrde in, and for a boone grace,
Some well fauourd vyfor, on hir yll fauourd face.
But with viforlyke vifage, fuche as it was. _
She fmirkt, and fhe fmylde, but fo lifped this las,
That folke might haue thought it doone onely alone,
Of wantonneffe, had not hir téeth béene gone.

Vpright

42
The fecond parte.

Vpright as a candle ftandth in a focket,
Stoode fhe that daie, fo fimpre de cocket.
Of auncient fathers fhe tooke no cure nor care,
She was to them, as koy as a crokers mare.
She tooke thenterteinment of the yong men
All in daliaunce, as nice as a nuns hen.
I fuppofe that daie hir eares might well glow,
For all the towne talkt of hir hy and low.
One faide, a well fauourd old woman fhe is.
The diuell fhe is faide an other. and to this,
In came the thyrde, with his. v. egges, and fayde,
Fyfty yere ago I knew hir a trym mayde.
What euer fhe were than (fayd one) fhe is nowe,
To become a bryde, as méete as a fowe
To beare a faddle. She is in this mariage
As comely as is a cowe in a cage.
Gup with a galde backe gill, come vp to fupper.
What mine olde mare woulde haue a new crouper.
And now mine olde hat muft haue a new band.
Well (quoth one) glad is he that hath hir in hand.
A goodly maryage fhe is, I here faie.
She is fo (quoth one) were the woman awaie.
Well (quoth an other) fortune this moueth.
And in this cafe euery man as he loueth
Quoth the good man, whan that he kyft his coowe.
That kyffe (quoth one) doth well here, by god a voowe.
But how can fhe geue a kyffe fowre or fwéete ?
Her chin and hir nofe, within halfe an inche méete.
God is no botcher fyr, faide an other.
He fhapeth all partes, as eche part maie fytte other.
Well (quoth one) wifely, let vs leaue this fcannyng.
God fpéede them. be as be maie is no bannyng.
That fhalbe, fhalbe. and with gods grace they fhall
Doo well, and that they fo may, wifhe we all.

F ij This

43
The fecond parte.

THIS wonder (as wonders laft) lafted nine daies. _
Whiche doone, and all gefts of this feaft gon their waies,
Ordinary houfholde this man ftreight began.
Very fumptuoufly, whiche he might well doo than.
What he would haue, he might haue, his wife was fet
In fuche dotage of him, that fayre woordes did fet,
Gromelféede plentie, and pleafure to prefer,

She made muche of him, and he mockt muche of her.
I was (as I faide) muche there, and moft of all
The fyrft month in which time fuche kindneffe did fall,
Betwene thefe two counterfaite turtle burdes,
To fée his fwéete lookes, and here hir fwéete wurdes.
And to thinke wherfore they bothe put both in vre,
It wolde haue made a hors breake his halter fure.
All the fyrft fortnight their tickyng might haue tought,
Any yonge couple, their loue tickes to-haue wrought.
Some laught, and faid, all thing is gay that is gréene.
Some therto faid, the gréene new brome {wéepth cléene.
But fens all thyng is the woors for the wearyng,
Decaie of cleane fwéepyng folke had in fearyng.
And in déede, er two monthes away were crept,
And hir biggeft baggs into his bofome fwept.
Where loue had apéered in him to hir alway
Hotte as a tofte, it grew cold as a kay.
He at meate caruyng hir, and none els before,
Now carued he to all but hir, and hir no-more.
Where her woordes féemd hony, by his fmylyng chéere,
Now are they muftard, he frowneth them to héere.
And whan fhe fawe fwéete fauce began to waxe foure,
She waxt as fowre as he, and as well could lowre.
So turned they their typpets by way of exchaunge,
From laughyng to lowryng, and taunts did fo raunge,
That in plaine termes, plaine truth to you to vtter,
They two agréed like two cats in a gutter.

Mary

44
The fecond parte.

Mary fir (quoth he) by scratchyng and bytyng
Catts and dogs come together, by folkes recityng.
Together by the eares they come (quoth I) chéerely.
How be it thofe woords are not voyde here cléerely.
For in one ftate they twayne could not yet fettle.
But waueryng as the wynde, in docke out nettle.
Now in now out. now here now there, now fad.

Now mery, now hie, now lowe, now good, now bad.
In whiche vnftedy fturdy ftormes ftreinable.

To know how they bothe were irrefreynable,

Marke how they fell out, and how they fell in.

At ende of a fupper fhe did thus begin.

The. it. chapiter.
Ufbande (quoth fhe) I would we were in our neft.
Whan the bealy is full, the bones wold be at reft.
So foone vpon fupper (faide he) no queftion,
Sléepe maketh yll and vnholfome digeftion,
By that diete a great difeafe once I gat.
And burnt childe fyre dredth. I will beware of that.
What a poft of phifyke (faide fhe) ye a poft.
And from poft to pyller wyfe, I haue béene toft
By that furfet. And I féele a little fyt,
Euen now, by former attemptyng of it.
Wherby, except I fhall féeme to leaue my wit,
Before it leaue me, I muft now leaue it.-
I thanke God (quoth fhe) I neuer yet felt payne,
To go to bed timely, but rifyng againe
To foone in the mornyng, hath me difpleafed,
And I (quoth he) haue béene more difeafed,
By earely liyng downe, than by early rifyng.
But thus differ folke lo, in exercifyng.
That one may not, an other may.
Vfe maketh maiftry, and men many tymes fay,
F iij That

45
The fecond parte.

That one loueth not, an other doth, which hath fped,

All meates to be eaten, and all maides to be wed.

Hafte ye to bed now, and ryfe ye as ye rate.

While I ryfe early, and come to bed late.

Long liyng warme in bed is holfome (quoth fhée)

While the leg warmeth, the boote harmeth (quoth hée)

Well (quoth fhe) he that dooth as moft men doo,

Shalbe leaft wondred on, and take any twoo,

That be man and wyfe in all this whole towne,

And mofte parte together, they ryfe and lie downe.

Whan byrds fhall rouft (quoth he) at. viii. ix. or ten,

Who hall appoynt their houre, the cocke, or the hen.

The hen (quoth fhe) the cocke (quoth he) iuft (quoth fhe)

As Iermans lips. It fhall proue more iuft (quoth he)

Than proue I (quoth fhe) the more foole far away.

But there is no foole to the olde foole, folke fay.

Ye are wife inough (quoth he) if ye kéepe ye warme,

To be kept warme, and for none other harme,

Nor for muche more good, I tooke you to wedde.

I toke not you (quoth he) nyght and day to bedde.

Her carrain carkas (faide he) is fo colde,

Becaufe fhe is aged, and fomwhat to olde,

That fhe kylth me, I doo but rofte a ftone.

In warmyng hir. And fhall not I faue one,

As fhe wolde faue an other? yes by feint Iohne.

A fyr (quoth fhe) mary this geare is alone.

Who that woorft maie, fhall holde the candell, I fée,

I muft warme bed for him fhould warme it for mée.

This medicine thus miniftred is fharpe and colde.

But all thing that is fharpe is fhort. folke haue tolde.

This trade is now begun, but if it holde on,

Then farewell my good daies. they wyll be foone gon.

Gofpell in thy mouth (quoth he) this ftrife to breake.

How be it, all is not gofpell that thou doeft fpeake.
But

46
The fecond parte.

But what néede we lumpe out loue at ones lafhyng.

As we fhould now fhake handes. what foft for dafhyng.

The fayre lafteth all the yere. we be new knéet,

And fo late met, that I feare we parte not yéet,

Quoth the baker to the pylorie. Which thyng,

From diftemperate fondyng, temperance maie bryng.

And this reafon to ayde, and make it more ftrong,

Olde wife folke faie, loue me little, loue me long.

I fay little (faid fhe) but I thinke more.

Thought is frée. Ye leane (quoth he) to the wrong fhore.

Braulyng booted not, he was not that night bent,

To plaie the bridgroome. Alone to bed fhe went.

This was their beginnyng of iar. How be it,

For a begynnyng, this was a feat fit.

And but a fleabytyng to that did enfew.

The woorft is behynd. we come not where it grew.

How fay you (faid he to me) by my. wyfe.

The diuell hath caft a bone (faid I) to fet ftryfe

Betwéene you, but it were a foly for mée,

To put my hande betwéene the barke and the trée.

Or to put my finger to far in the fyre,

Betwéene you, and lay my credence in the myre.

To meddle Kittle for me it is befte.

For of little medlyng cometh great refte.

Yes ye maie meddle (quoth he) to make hir wyfe,

Without takyng harme, in geuyng your aduife.

She knowth me not yet, but if fhe waxe to wilde,

I thall make hir knowe, an olde knaue is no childe.

Sluggyng in bed with hir is woorfe than watchyng.

I promife you an olde facke axeth much patchyng.

Well (quoth I) to morowe I will to my beades,

To pray, that as ye both will, fo ake your heades.

And in meane time my akyng head to eafe,

I will couche a hogs hed. Quoth he whan ye pleafe.
We

47
The fecond parte.

We parted, and this within a daie or twayne,
Was raakt vp in thafhes, and couerd agayne.

The. iti. chapiter.
Hefe two daies paft, he faid to me, whan ye will,
Come chat at home, al is wel. Iack fhall haue gill.
Who had the wurs ende of the ftaffe (quoth I) now?
Shall the maifter weare a bréeche, or none? fay you.
I truft the fow will no more fo déepe wroote.
But if fhe doo (quoth he) you muft fet in foote.
And whom ye fée out of the waie, or fhoote wyde.
Quer fhoote not your felfe any fyde to hyde.
But fhoote out fome woordes, if fhe be to whot.
She maie faie (quoth I) a fooles bolte foone fhot.
Ye will me to a thankeleffe office héere.
And a bufy officer I maie appéere.
And Iack out of office fhe maie bid me walke.
And thinke me as wife as Waltams calfe, to talke.
Or chat of hir charge, hauyng therin nought to doo,
How be it, if I fée néede, as my part comth too,
Gladly betwene you I will doo my beft.
I byd you to diner (quoth he) as no gefte,
And brynge your poore neighbors on your other fyde.
T did fo. And ftreight as tholde wife vs efpied,
She bad vs welcome and merily toward me,
Gréene rufhes for this ftraunger, ftrawe here (quoth fhe)
With this aparte fhe puld me by the fléeue.
Saiyng in few woords, my mynd to you to méeue,
So it is, that all our great fraie the laft night,
Is forgeuen and forgotten betwene vs quight.
And all fraies by this I truft haue taken end.
For I fully hope my hufband will amend.
Well amended (thought I) whan ye both relent,
Not to your owne, but eche to others mendment.
Now

48
The fecond parte.

Now if hope fayle (quoth fhe) and chaunce bryng about
Any fuche breache, wherby we fall again out.

I pray you tell him his pars vers now and than.

And winke on me alfo hardly, if ye can

Take me in any tryp. Quoth I, I am lothe,

To meddle commonly. For as this tale gothe,

Who medleth in all thyng, maie fhooe the goflyng,
Well (quoth fhe) your medlyng herein may bryng

The wynde calme betwéene vs, whan it els might rage.
I will with good will (quoth I) yll wynds to fwage,
Spend fom wind at néede, though I waft winde in vayne.
To table we fat, where fyne fare did remayne.

Mery we were as cup and can could holde,

Eche one with eche other homely and bolde.

And fhe for hir parte, made vs chéere heauen hye.

The fyrft parte of dyner mery asa pye. |

But a f{calde head is foone broken. and fo they,

As ye fhall ftreight here, fell at a new frey.

The. titt. chapiter.

Ufband (quoth fhe) ye ftudie, be mery now.

And euen as ye thynke now fo come to yow.
Nay not fo (quoth he) for my thought to tell right,
I thynke how ye lay gronyng wife, all laft night.
Hufband, a gronyng horfe, and a gronyng wyfe,
Neuer fayle their maifter (quoth fhe) for my lyfe.
No wyfe, a woman hath nyne lyues like a cat.
Well my lambe (quoth fhe) ye may picke out of that,
As foone goth the yonge lamfkyn to the market
As tholde yewes. God forbyd wyfe, ye fhall fyrft iet.
I will not iet yet (quoth fhe) put no doutyng.
It is a bad facke that will abide no cloutyng.
And as we oft fée, the lothe ftake ftandeth longe,
So is it an yll ftake I haue heard among.

G That

49
The fecond parte.

That can not ftande one yere in a hedge.

I drinke (quoth fhe) Quoth he I will not pledge.
What nede all this, a man may loue his houfe well,
Though he ryde not on the rydge, I haue heard tell.
What, I wene (quoth fhe) proferd feruyce ftynkth.
But fomwhat it is, I fée, when the cat wynkth,

And bothe hir eyne out, but further ftryfe to fhonne,
Let the cat winke, and leat the moufe ronne.

This paft, and he chered vs all, but moft chéere

On his part, to this fayre yong wyfe dyd appéere.
And as he to her caft oft a louyng eye,

So caft hir hufbande lyke eye, to his plate by.
Wherwith in a great mufyng he was brought.

Fréend (quoth the good man) a peny for your thought.
For my thought (quoth he) that is a goodly difhe.
But of trough I thought, better to haue then wifhe.
What, a goodly yong wyfe, as you haue (quoth he)
Nay (quoth he) goodly gylt goblets, as here bée.

Byr lady fréendis (quoth I) this maketh a fhow,

To fhewe you more vnnaturall than the crow,

The crow thinkth hir owne birdes faireft in the wood.
But by your woordis (except I wrong vnderftood)
Eche others byrdes or iewels, ye dooe weie

Aboue your owne. True (quoth the old wyfe) ye feie.
But my neighbours defyre rightly to meafure,
Comth of néede, and not of corrupte pleafure.

And my hufbandis more of pleafure, than of néede.
Olde fifh and yong flefh (quoth he) dooth men beft féede.
And fome fay, chaunge of pafture makth fat calues.
As for that reafon (quoth fhe) ronth to halues.

As well for the coowe calfe as for the bull.

And though your pafture looke barreinly and dull,
Yet looke not on the meate, but looke on-the man.
And who fo looketh on you, fhall fhortly fkan,

50
The fecond parte.

Ye maie wryte to your fréendis, that ye are in helth.
But all thyng maie be fuffred fauyng welth.
An olde faide fawe, itche and eafe, can no man pleafe.
Plentie is no deintie, ye fée not your owne eafe.
I fée, ye can not fée the wood for trées.
Your lips hang in your light, but this poore man fées
Both how blindly ye ftand in your owne light,
And that you rofe on your right fyde here right.
And might haue gone further, and haue faren wurs.
I wot well I might (quoth he) for the purs,
But ye be a baby of Belfabubs bowre.
Content ye (quoth fhe) take the fwéete with the fowre.
Fancy may boult bran, and make ye take it floure,
Tt will not be (quoth he) fhould I dye this houre.
While this fayre floure flourifheth thus in mine eye.
Yes, it might (quoth fhe) and here this reafon whye.
Snow ts white
And lyeth in the dtke
Pepper is blacke
And hath a good fmacke
Mylke (¢’ he) ts white
And lieth not in the dike
Lnke is all blacke
And hath an ill {macke
Thy ryme (quoth he) is muche elder then mine.
But myne beyng newer is truer then thine.
Thou likeneft now for a vayne aduauntage,
White fnow to fayre youth, blacke pepper to foule age.
Whiche are placed out of place here by rood.
Blacke inke is as yll meate, as blacke pepper is good.
And white milke as good meate, as white {now is yll.
But a milke {now white {mooth yong fkyn, who chaunge wil.
For a pepper ynke blacke rough olde wytherd face?
Though chaunge be no robbry for the chaunged cafe,

G ij Yet

And euery man lets tt lye.
\ And euery man doth tt bye.
\ But all men know it good meate.

\ No man will it drinke nor eate.

* 51
The fecond parte.

Yet thall that chaunge rob the chaunger of his wit.

For who this cafe fercheth, fhall foone fée in it,

That as well agréeth thy comparifon in thefe,

As a lyke to compare in tafte, chalke and chefe.

Or a like in colour to déeme ynke and chalke.

Walke drab walke. Nay (quoth fhe) walke knaue walke
Saieth that terme. How be it fir, I faie not fo.

And beft we laie a ftrawe here, and euen there who.

Or els this geare will bréede a pad in the ftrawe.

If ye hale this waie, I will an other waie drawe.

Here is God in thambrie (quoth I.) Quoth he, naie,
Here is the diuell in thorologe, ye maie faie.

Sens this (quoth I) rather bryngeth bale then boote,
Wrap it in the clothe, and tread it vnder foote.

Ye harpe on the ftryng, that geueth no melody.

Your tounges run before your witis, by feint Antonie.
Marke ye, how fhe hitteth me on the thombis (quoth hée)
And ye taunt me tyt ouer thumb (quoth fhée)

Sens tyt for tat (quoth I) on euen hand is fet,

Set the hares head againft the goofe ieblet.

She is (quoth he) bent to force you perfors

To know, that the grey mare is the better hors.

She chopth logyke, to put me to my clargy.

She hath one poynt of a good hauke, fhe is hardie.

But wife, the fyrft point of haukyng is holde faft.

And holde ye faft I red you, left ye be caft,

In your owne tourne. Naie fhe will tourne the leafe.
And rather (quoth I) take as falth in the fheafe,

At your handes. and let fall hir holde, than be to bolde.
Naie, I will fpyt in my handes, and take better holde.
He (quoth fhe) that will be angry without caufe,

Muft be at one, without amendes. by fage fawes.

Tread a woorme on the tayle, and it muft turne agayne.

He taketh pepper in the nofe, that I complaine
Vpon

52
The fecond parte,

Vpon his fautes, my felfe beyng fautleffe.

But that fhall not {top my mouth, ye maie well geffe.
Well (quoth I) to muche of one thyng is not good,
Leaue of this, Be it (quoth he) fall we to our food.
But fuffrance is no quittance in this daiment.

No (quoth fhe) nor mifrecknyng is no paiment.

But euen recknyng maketh longe fréendis, my fréend.
For alwaie owne is owne, at the recknyngis éend.
This recknyng thus reckned, and dyner once doone,
We thrée from them twayne, departed very foone.

The. v. chapiter.

His olde woman the next daie after this night,

Stale home to me, fecretly as fhe might.
To talke with me. In fecrete counfell (fhe faide)
Of thinges which in no wife might be bewraied.
We twayne are one to many (quoth J) for men fay,
Thrée maie a kepe counfayle, if two be away.
But all that ye fpeake, vnméete againe to tell,
I will fay nought but mum, and mum is counfell.
Well then (quoth fhe) herein auoydyng all feares,
Auoyd your children. fmall pitchers haue wide eares.
Whiche doone (fhe faide) I haue a hufband, ye know,
Whom I made of nought, as the thing felf dooth fhow.
And for thefe two caufes onely him I tooke.
Firft, that for my loue, he fhould louingly looke,
In all kynd of caufe, that loue ingender might,
To loue and cherifhe me by daie and by night.
Secondly, the fubftance, whiche I to him brought,
He rather fhould augment, than bring to nought,
But now my good, fhall both be fpent, ye fhall fée,
And it in fpendyng foole inftrument fhall bee
Of my deftruction, by fpendyng it on fuche
As fhall make him deftroy me; I feare this muche.

G iij He

53
Lhe fecond parte.

He maketh hauok. and fetteth cocke on the hoope.

He is fo laueis, the ftocke beginneth to droope.

And as for gaine is deade, and layde in tumbe,

Whan he fhould get ought, eche fynger is a thumbe,

Eche of his iointes againft other iuftles,

As handfomly as a beare picketh mufcles.

Flattryng knaues & fleryng queanes beyng the marke.

Hang on his fléeue, many handis make light warke.

He hath his haukes in the mew. but make ye fure,

With emptie handes men maie no haukes allure.

There is a neft of chickens, whiche he dooth brood,

That will fure make his heare grow through his hood.

They can currifauell, and make faire wether,

Whyle they cut large thongis of other mens lether.

He maketh his marts with marchantis likely,

To bryng a fhillyng to. ix. pens quickely.

If he holde on a while, as he begins,

We fhall fée him proue a marchaunt of éele fkins.

A marchaunt without either money or ware.

But all be bugs woords, that I fpeake to fpare.

Better {pare at brym than at bottem, fay I.

Euer fpare and euer bare (faith he) by and by.

Spend, and god fhall fend (faieth he) faith tholde ballet,

What fendth he (faie I) a ftaffe and a wallet.

Than vp gothe his ftaffe, to fend me a loufe.

He is at thrée woordis vp in the houfe roufe.

And herein to grow (quoth fhe) to conclufion,

I praie your ayde, to auoid this confufion.

And for counfaile herein, I thought to haue gon,

To that cunnyng man, our curate fir Iohn.

But this kept me backe, I haue herd now and then,

The greatteft clerkes be not the wyfeft men.

I thynk (quoth I) who euer that terme began,

Was neither great clerke, nor the greateft wife man.
In

54
The fecond parte.

In your rennyng from him to me, ye runne
Out of gods bleffing into the warme funne.
Where the blynd leadth the blynd, both fall in the dike,
And blynde be we both, if we thinke vs his lyke.
Folke fhow much foly, when things fhould be fped.
To ren to the foote, that maie go to the hed.
Sens he beft can and moft ought to dooe it,
I feare not, but he will, if ye wyll woo it.
There is one let (quoth fhe) mo than I fpake on.
My hufband and he be fo great, that the ton
Can not piffe, but the tother muft let a fart.
Choofe we him aparty, than farewell my part.
We fhall fo part ftake, that I fhall lefe the hole.
Folke fay of olde, the fhoe will holde with the fole.
Shall I truft him then ? nay in truft is treafon.
But I truft you, and come to you this feafon
To here me, and tell me, what waie ye thinke beft,
To hem in my hufbande, and fet me in reft.
If ye minde (quoth I) a conqueft to make
Ouer your hufband, no man maie vndertake
To bryng you to eafe, nor the matter amende.
Except ye bring him to weare a cocks comb at ende,
For take that your hufband were, as ye take him,
As I take him not, as your tale would make him.
Yet were contencion lyke to do nought in this,
But kepe him nought, and make him woors then he is,
But in this complaint, for counfele quicke and cléere,
A few prouerbes for principles, leat vs héere.
Who that maie not as they wolde, will as they maie.
And this to this, they that are bound muft obaie:
Foly it is to fpourne againft a pricke,
To ftryue againft the {treme, to winche or kicke
Againft the hard wall. By this ye maie fée.
Beyng bound to obedience, as ye bee.

And

30
The fecond parte.

And alfo ouermacht, fuffraunce is your daunce.

He maie ouermatche me (quoth fhe) perchaunce
In ftrength of bodie, but my tung is a lym,

To matche and to vexe euery vayne of him.
Toung breaketh bone, it felfe hauying none (quoth I)
If the winde ftande in that doore, it ftandth awry.
The perill of pratyng out of tune by note,

Telth vs, that a good beftyll is woorth a grote.

In beyng your owne foe, you fpin a fayre thréede.
Aduyse ye well, for here dooth all ly and bléede,
Flée thattemtyng of extremities all.

Folke faie, better fyt ftyll than ryfe and fall.

For little more or leffe no debate make,

At euery dogs barke, féeme not to awake.

And where the fmall with the great, can not agrée,
The weaker goeth to the potte, we all daie fée.

So that alwaie the bygger eateth the beane.

Ye can nought wyn, by any wayward meane.
Where the hedge is loweft, men maie fooneft ouer,
Be filent. Leat not your toung roon at rouer.

Sens by ftryfe, ye maie lofe, and can not wyn,
Suffer. It is good flepyng in a whole fkyn.

If he chide, kepe you byll vnder wyng muet.
Chatting to chiding is not woorth a chuet.

We fée many tymes, might ouercomth right.
Were not you as good than to fay, the crow is whight.
And fo rather let faire woordes make fooles fayne,
Than be plaine without pletes, & plant your owne payne.
For were ye as plaine as dunftable by waie.

Yet fhould ye that waie rather breake a loue daie,
Than make one thus though ye perfytely knew,
All that ye coniecture to be proued trew,

Yet better diffemble it, and thake it of,

Than to broide him with it in earneft or fcof.
If

56
The fecond parte.

If he plaie falfehed in felowfhip, plaie yée,
Sée me, and fée me not. to woorft part to flée.
Why thinke ye me fo whyte lyuerd (quoth fhée)
That I will be toung tyed? Naie I warrant yée.
They that will be afraid of euery farte,
Muft go far to piffe. Well (quoth I) your parte
Ts to fuffre (I faie) For ye fhall préeue.
Tauntis appeafe not thingis, they rather agréeue,
But for yll company, or expenfe extréeme,
I here no man doubte, fo far as ye déeme.
And there is no fyre without fome fmoke, we fée.
Well well, make no fyre, reyfe no fmoke (fayd fhée)
What cloke for the rayne fo euer ye bryng mée,
My felfe can tell beft, where my fhooe doth wryng meée.
But as ye faie, where fyre is, fmoke will appéere.
And fo hath it doone, For I did lately héere,
How flek and his make, vfe their fecrete hauntyng,
By one byrd, that in mine eare was late chauntyng.
One fwalowe maketh not fommer (faid I) men faie.
I haue (quoth fhe) mo blockis in his waie to laie.
For further encreafe of fufpicion of yls,
Befyde his iettyng into the towne, to his gyls,
With calets he confumeth him felfe and my goodes,
Sometyme in the féelds, fometyme in the woodes.
Some here and fée him, whom he hereth nor féeth not.
But féelds haue eies, and woodes haue eares, ye wot.
And alfo on my maydes he is euer tootyng.
Can ye iudge a man (quoth I) by his lookyng?
What, a cat maie looke on a king, ye know.
My cats léeryng looke (quoth fhe) at fyrft fhow.
Shewth me, that my cat gothe a catterwawyng.
And fpecially by his maner of drawyng,
To Madge my faire maide, for may he come ny her.
He muft nedes baffe hir, as he comth by her.

H He

57
The fecond parte.

He loueth well fhéeps fleth, that wets his bred in the wul,
If he leaue it not, we haue a crow to pul.

He loueth hir better at the fole of the foote,

Than euer he loued me at the hert roote.

It is a foule byrd, that fyleth his owne nest.

I wold haue him liue as gods lawe hath expreft.

And leaue lewde tickyng. he that will none ill doo.
Mutt do nothyng, that belongeth therto.

To ticke and laughe with me, he hath laufull leeue.

To that I faide nought but laught in my fleeue.

But whan fhe féemed to be fixed in mynde,

Rather to féeke for that fhe was lothe to fynde,

Than leaue that féekyng, by whiche fhe might fynd eafe,
I fainde this fancy to féele how it would pleafe.

Will ye do well (quoth I) take peyne to watche him.
And if ye chaunce in aduoutrie to catche him,

Then haue ye him on the hyp, or on the hyrdell.

Then haue ye his head faft vnder your gyrdell.

Where your wurds now do but rub him on the gall.
That déede without woords fhall driue him to the wall.
And further than the wall he can not go.

‘But muft fubmit him felfe, and if it hap fo,

That at ende of your watche, he gyltles apéere,

Then all grudge, growne by ielowfie, taketh end cléere.
Of all folkes I maie woorft watche him (faid fhe)

For of all folks him felfe moft watcheth me.

I fhall as foone trie him or take him this waie,

As dryue a top ouer a tyeld houfe, no naie.

I maie kepe corners or holowe trées with thowle,

This feuen yeres, daie and night to watche a bowle.
Before I fhall catche him with vndoubted euill.

He muft haue a long fpoone, fhall eate with the diuell.
And the deuill is no falfer then is hée.

I haue heard tell, it had néede to bée.

58
The fecond parte.

A wyly moufe that fhould bréede in the cats eare.
Shall I get within him than? nay ware that geare.
It is harde haltyng before a créeple ye wot.
A falfer water drinker there liueth not.
Whan he hunteth a doe, that he can not avow,
All dogs barke not at him, I warrant yow.
Namely not I, I faie, though as I fayde.
He fomtyme, though feldome, by fome be bewrayde.
Clofe huntyng (quoth I) the good hunter alowth.
But be your hufband neuer fo ftyll of mouth,
If ye can hunt, and will ftand at receite.
Your maide examinde, maketh him open ftreite.
That were (quoth fhe) as of my truth to make préefe,
To axe my felow whether I be a théefe.
They cleaue together like burs. that way I fhall
Pike out no more, than out of the ftone wall. _
Than lyke ye not to watche him for wife nor mayde.
No (quoth fhe) Nor I (quoth I) what euer I fayde.
And I miflyke not onely your watche in vayne.
But alfo if ye tooke him. what could ye gayne?
From fufpicion to knowlage of yll. forfoothe
Coulde make ye dooe, but as the flounder doothe,
Leape out of the friyng pan into the fyre.
And chaunge from yll peyn to wurs is worth fmall hyre.
Let tyme trie. Tyme tryeth trouth in euery doubt.
And déeme the bett, till time hath tryde the trouth out.
And reafon faieth, make not two forowes of one,
But ye make ten forowes where reafon maketh none.
For where reafon (as I faide) wylth you to winke,
(Although all were proued as yll as ye thinke)
Contrary to reafon ye ftampe and ye ftare.
Ye fret and ye fume as mad as a marche hare.
Without proofe to his reproofe prefent or paft.
But by fuche reporte, as mofte proue lies at laft.

H ij And

59
The Jecond parte.

And here gothe the hare awaie, for ye iudge all,
And iudge the woorft in all, er proofe in ought fall.
But blinde men fhould iudge no colours: by olde faufe,
And folk oft tymes ar moft blind in their owne caufe,
The blynde eate many flies. Howbeit the fancy,
Of your blindneffe comth not of ignorancy.
Ye coulde tell an other herein the beft waie.
But it is as folke dooe, and not as folke faie.
For they faie, faiyng and dooyng are two thingis,
To defende daunger that double dealyng brynges.
As ye can féeme wife in woords, be wife in déede.
That is (quoth fhe) fooner faid then doone, I dréede.
But me thinkth your counfell weith in the whole,
To make me put my fynger in a hole.
And fo by fuffrance to be fo lyther,
In my houfe to lay fyre and tow together.
But if they fyre me, fome of them fhall wyn
More towe on their diftaues, than they can well fpyn.
And the beft of them fhall haue both their handis full.
Bolfter or pillow for me, be whofe wull.
I will not beare the diuels facke, by faint Audry.
For concelyng fufpicion of their baudry.
I feare fals meafures, or els I were a chylde.
For they that thinke none yll, are fooneft begylde.
And thus though muche water goeth by the myll,
That the miller knowth not of, yet I will
Caft what may fcape, and as though I did fynde it.
With the clacke of my myll, to fyne meale grynde it.
And fure ere I take any reft in effect,
I muft banifhe my maydes fuche as I fufpect.
Better it be doone than wifhe it had bene doone.
As good vndoone (quoth I) as doo it to foone.
Well (quoth fhe) till foone, fare ye well, and this
Kéepe ye as fecrete, as ye thinke méete is.

Out

60
The fecond parte.

Out at doores went fhe herewith. and hereupon
In at doores came he foorthwith as fhe was gon.
And without any temprate proteftacion,
Thus he began, in waie of exclamacion.

Lhe, vi. chapiter.

H what choyce may compare, to the diuels lyfe,

Lyke his, that haue chofen a diuel to his wife?
Namely fuch an olde witche, fuche a mackabroyne,
As euermore like a hog hangeth the groyne,
On hir hufbande, except he be hir flaue,
And folow all fancies, that fhe would haue.
Tys fayde, there is no good accorde,
Where euery man would be a Lorde.
Wherfore my wyfe will be no lorde, but lady,
To make me, that fhould be her Lorde, a baby.
Before I was wedded, and fens, I made recknyng,
To make my wyfe boow at euery becknyng.
Bachelers boft, how they will teach their wyues good,
But many a man fpeaketh of Robyn hood,
That neuer fhot in his bowe. Whan all is fought,
Bachelers wiues, and maides children be well tought.
And this with this, I alfo begin to gather,
Euery man can rule a fhrewe, faue he that hath her.
At my wil I wend fhe fhould haue wrought, like wax.
But I fynde and féele, fhe hath found fuche knax
In her bouget, and fuche toies in her hed.
That to daunce after her pipe, I am ny led.
It is faide of olde, an olde dog byteth fore.
But by God, tholde bitche biteth forer and more.
And not with téeth (fhe hath none) but with hir toung.
If all tales be true (quoth I) though the be ftong,
And therby ftyng you, fhe is not muche to blame,
For what euer you faie. thus goeth the fame.

Hi iij Whan

61
The fecond parte.

Whan folke firft faw your fubftance layd in your lap,
Without your peyn, with your wife brought by good hap,
Oft in remembrance of haps happie deuife,
They would faie, better to be happie then wife.
Not minding therby than, to depraue your wit,
For they had good hope, to fée good proofe of it.
But fens their good opinion therin fo cooles,
That they faie as ofte, God fendeth fortune to fooles.
In that as fortune without your wit gaue it,
So can your wit not kéepe it whan ye haue it.
Saieth one, this geare was gotten on a holy daie.
Saieth an other, who maie holde that will awaie.
This game from begynnyng, fhéewth what ende is ment.
Soone gotten, foone fpent, yll gotten yll f{pent.
Ye are calde not onely to great a fpender,
To franke a geuer, and as frée a lender.
But alfo ye fpende geue and lende, among fuche,
Whofe lightneffe minifheth your honeftée as muche
As your money, and much they difalow,
That ye bryke all from hir, that brought all to yow.
And fpende it out at doores, in fpyte of hir,
Becaufe ye wolde kyll hir to be quite of hir.
For all kindneffe, of hir parte, that maie ryfe,
Ye fhewe all thunkindneffe ye can deuife.
And where reafon and cuftome (they fay) afoords,
Alwaie to let the loofers haue their woords,
Ye make hir a cookqueane, and confume hir good.
And fhe muft fyt like a beane in a moonkis hood.
Bearyng no more tule, than a goofe turd in tems,
But at hir owne maides becks, winges, or hems,
She muft obey thofe lambs, or els a lambs fkyn,
Ye will prouyde for hir, to lap her in.
This biteth the mare by the thumbe, as they fey.
For were ye, touching condicion (fay they)

The

62
The fecond parte.

The caftell of honeftée in all things els.

Yet fhould this one thing, as their hole tale tels,
Defoyle and deface that caftell to a cotage.

One crop of a tourd marrth a pot of potage,

And fome to this, crie, let him pas, for we thinke,
The more we ftur a tourde, the wurs it will ftynke,
With many condicions good, one that is yll,
Defaceth the flowre of all, and dooth all f{pyll.
Nowe (quoth 1) if you thinke they truely clatter,
Let your amendment amende the matter.

Halfe warnd halfe armde. this warnyng for this I fhow,
He that hath an yll name, is halfe hangd, ye know.

The. vit. chapiter.

Vell faide (faide he) mary fir here is a tale,

For honeftie, méete to fet the diuell on fale.
But now am I forft, a bead roule to vnfolde,
To tell fomwhat more to the tale I erft tolde.
Grow this. as moft part doth, I durft holde my lyfe,
Of the ieloufy of dame Iulok my wyfe,
Than fhall ye wonder, whan truth doth defyne,
How fhe can, and doth here, both byte and whyne.
Franfy, herefy, and ieloufy are thrée,
That men fay hardly or neuer cured bée.
And although ieloufy néede not or boote not,
What helpeth that counfayle, if reafon roote not.
And in mad ieloufy the is fo farre gon,
She thinkth I run ouer all, that I looke on.
Take good héede of that (quoth I) for at a woorde,
The prouerbe faith, he that ftriketh with the fwoorde,
Shalbe ftrikyn with the fcaberde. Tufhe (quoth he)
The diule with my fcaberde will not ftrike me.
But my dame takyng fufpicion for full préefe,
Reporteth it for a trouth, to the mofte mifchéefe.

In

63
The fecond parte.

In woordis golde and hole, as men by wyt could withe.
She will lie as faft as a dogge will licke a difhe.
She is of trouth as fals, as God is trew.
And if fhe chaunce to fée mie at a vew
Kyffe any of my maydes alone, but in fporte,
That taketh fhe in erneft. after Bedlem forte.
The cow is wood. Her tong ronth on patens.
If it be morne, we haue a payre of matens.
If it be euen, euenfong, not Laten nor Gréeke,
But Englifhe, and like thut as in eafter weeke.
She beginneth, firft with a cry a leyfone.
To whiche fhe ringth a peale, a larom. fuche one,
As folke ring bées with bafons. the world runth on whéeles.
But except hir maide fhewe a fayre paire of héeles,
She haleth her by the boy rope, tyll hir braines ake.
And bring I home a good difhe. good chéere to make,
What is this (faith fhe) Good meate (faie I) for yow.
God haue mercy hors, a pyg of mine owne fow.
Thus whan I fée, by kindneffe eafe renewth not,
And than, that the eie féeth not, the hert rewth not,
And that he muft néedes go, whom the diuel dooth driue,
Her force forcing me, for mine eafe to contriue,
To let her faft and freate alone for me,
I go where mery chat, and good chéere may be.
Muche fpend I abrode, whiche at home fhould be fpent,
If fhe would leaue controllyng, and be content.
There lepte a whityng (quoth fhe) and lept in ftreite.
Take a heare from his bearde, and marke this conceite.
He makth you beleue, by lies laide on by lode,
My braulyng at home, makith him banket abrode.
Where his bankets abrode, make me braule at home.
For as in a froft, a mud wall made of lome
Cracketh and crummeth in péeces a funder,
So melteth his money, to the worlds wonder.

So

64
The fecond parte.

Thus maie ye fée, to tourne the cat in the pan,

Or fet the cart before the hors, well he can.

He is but little at home, the trewth is fo.

And foorth with him, he will not let me go.

And if I come to be mery where he is,

Than is he mad. as ye fhall here by this.

Where he with goffyps at a banket late was,

At whiche as vfe is, he paide all. but let pas.

I came to be mery. wherwith merily,

Proface. Haue among you blynd harpers (fayde I)

The mo the merier, we all daie here and fée.

Ye, but the fewer the better fare (faid hée)

Then here were, er I came (quoth I) to many,

Here is but little meate lefte, if there be any.

And it is yll commyng, I haue heard fay,

To thend of a fhot, and beginnyng of a fray.

Put vp thy purs (quoth he) thou fhalt none paie.

And fray here fhould be none, were thou gone thy way.

Here is, fens thou camft, to many féete a bed.

Welcom when thou goeft. thus is thine errand fped.

I come (quoth I) to be one here, if I fhall,

It is mery in halle, when berds wag all.

What, byd me welcome pyg. I pray the kys me.

Nay farewell fow (quoth he) our lord blys me

From baffyng of beaftes of Beare binder lane.

I haue (quoth I) for fyne fuger, faire rats bane.

Many yeres fens, my mother faide to me,

Her elders would faie, it is better to be

An olde mans derlyng, than a yong mans werlyng.

And god knowth. I knew none of this fnerlyng

In my olde husfbandis daies. for as tenderly,

He loued me, as ye loue me fklenderly.

We drew both in one line. Quoth he wold to our lorde

Ye had in that drawyng, hangd both in one corde.
I For

65
The fecond parte.

For I neuer méete the at flefhe nor at fifhe,
But I haue fure a deade mans head in my difhe.
Whofe beft and my woorft daie, that wifht might bée,
Was when thou didft bury him and mary mée.
If you (quoth I) long for chaunge in thofe cafes,
Wold to god he and you, had chaunged places.
But beft I chaunge place, for here I may be fparde.
And for my kynde commyng, this is my rewarde.
Claw a churle by thars, and he fhyteth in my hand.
Knak me that nut. much good doyt you all this band.
Mutt fhe not (quoth he) be welcome to vs all,
Among vs all, lettyng fuche a farewell fall?
Suche carpenters, fuch chips. (quoth fhe) folke tell,
Suche lips, fuche lettice. fuch welcome, fuch farewell.
Thine owne woordis (quoth he) thine owne welcome mard.
Well (faide fhe) whan fo euer we twayne haue iard,
My woordis be pried at narowly, I efpie.
Ye can fée a mote in an other mans iye,
But ye can not fée a balke in your owne.
Ye marke my woordis, but not that they be growne,
By your reuellous rydyng on euery royle.
Well ny euery day a new mare or a moyle.
As muche vnhoneft, as vnprofytable.
Whiche fhall bryng vs fhortly to be vnable,
To geue a dog a lofe, as I haue oft faide.
Howe be it your pleafure maie no tyme be denayde.
But ftill you muft haue, bothe the fynest meate,
Apparail, and all thing that money maie geate,
Lyke one of fond fancy fo fyne and fo neate,
That would haue better bread than is made of wheate.
The beft is beft cheape (quoth he) men faie cléere.
Well (quoth fhe) a man may by gold to déere.
Ye nother care, nor welny caft what ye paie,
To by the dereft for the beft alwaie.

Than

66
The fecond parte.

Than for your diet who vfeth féedyng fuch,

Eate more than enough, and drink much more to much.
But temprance teacheth this, where he kepeth fcoole,
He that knoweth whan he hath enough, is no foole.
Féed by meafure, and defie the phificion.

And in the contrary marke this condicion,

A fwyne ouer fatte is caufe of his owne bane.

Who féeth nought herein, his wit is in the wane.

But pompous prouifion, comth not all, alway

Of glottony, but of pryde fometyme, fome fay.

But this prouerbe precheth to men haute or hye,
Hewe not to hye, left the chips fall in thine iye.
Meafure is a mery meane, as this doth fhow,

Not to hye for the pye, nor to lowe for the crow.
The difference betwene ftaryng and ftarke blynde.
The wife man at all tymes to folow can fynde.

And ywis an auditour of a meane wit,

Maie foone accompt, though hereafter come not yit,
Yet is he fure be the daie neuer fo long,

Euermore at lafte they ryng to euenfong.

And where ye fpend much though ye fpent but lickell,
Yet littell and littell the cat eateth the flickell.

Little loffe by length maie growe importable.

A moufe in tyme, maie byte a two, a cable.

Thus to ende of all thingis, be we léefe or lothe,

Yet lo, the pot fo long to the water gothe.

Tyll at the lafte it comthe home broken.

Fewe woordis to the wife fuffice to be fpoken.

If ye were wife, here were enough (quoth fhée)

Here is enough, and to muche, dame (quoth he)

For though this appéere a proper pulpet péece,

Yet whan the fox preacheth, then beware your géefe.
A good tale yll tolde, in the tellyng is marde.

So are (quoth fhe).good tales well tolde, and yll harde.

1 ij Thy

67
The fecond parte.

Thy tales (quoth he) fhew long heare, and fhort wit, wife.
But long be thy legs, and fhort be thy lyfe.
Pray for your felfe, I am not ficke (quoth fhe)
Well lets fée, what thy laft tale comth to (quoth he)
Thou faieft I fpend all, to this, thy woordis wander.
But as deepe drinketh the goofe, as the gander.
Thou canft cough in the aumbry, if néede bée,
Whan I fhall cough without bread or broth for thée.
Wherby while thou fendft me abrode to fpende.
Thou goffepft at home, to méete me at landis ende.
Ah, than I begyle you (quoth fhe) this ye meane.
But fyr, my pot is whole, and my water cleane.
Well, thou woldft haue me (quoth he) pinch lyke a {nudge,
Euery daie to be thy driuell and drudge.
Not fo (quoth fhe) but I would haue ye ftur
Honeftly, to kepe the wolfe from the dur.
I wold driue the wulfe out at doore fyrft (quoth he)
And that can I not doo, tyll I dryue out thée.
A man were better be drownde in Venice gulfe
Than haue fuche a bearded beare, or fuche a wulfe.
But had I not béene witcht, my weddyng to flée,
The termes that longe to weddyng had warnde mée.
Firft wooyng for woing, banna for bannyng.
The banes for my bane, and than this thus fcannyng,
Mariyng marryng. And what maryed I than?
A woman. As who faith, wo to the man.
Thus wed I with wo, wed I Gyll, wed I Iane.
I pray god the deuel go with the, downe the lane.
I graunt (quoth fhe) this dooth found (as ye agréed)
On your fyde in woordis, but on my fyde in déede.
Thou grantft this graunt (quoth he) without any grace,
Vngracioufly, to thy fyde, to tourne this cafe.
Leaue this (quoth fhe) and learne liberalitée,
To ftynt ftryfe, growne by your prodigalitée.

Oft

68
The fecond parte.

Oft faid the wife man, whom I erft did bery,
Better are meales many, than one to mery.
Well (quoth he) that is anfwered with this wife.
Better is one monthes chéere, than a churles hole lyfe.
I thinke it learnyng of a wyfer lectour,
To learne to make my felfe myne owne exectour,
Than fpare for an other that might wed thée,
As the foole, thy fyrft hufband fpared for mée.
And as for yll places, thou fekeft me in mo,
And in woorfe to, than I into any go.
Wherby this prouerbe fhewth the in by the wéeke.
No man will an other in the ouen féeke,
Except that him felfe haue béene there before.
God geue grace thou haft béene good, I faie no more.
And wolde haue the fay leffe. except thou couldft proue
Suche proceffe as thou fclanderoufly doeft moue.
For fclaunder perchaunce (quoth fhe) I not denie.
It maie be a fclaunder, but it is no lie.
It is a lye (quoth he) and thou a lyer.
Will ye (quoth fhe) dryue me to touche ye nyer?
I rub the gald hors backe till he winche, and yit
He would make it féeme, that I touche him no whit.
But I wot what I wot, though I few woordis make.
Many kiffe the childe for the nurfes fake.
Ye haue many god children to looke vpon,
And ye bleffe them all, but. ye baffe but one.
This halfe fhewth, what the hole meaneth, that I méeue,
Ye fet circumquaques to make me beleue
Or thinke, that the moone is made of a gréene chéefe.
And whan ye haue made me a loute in all théefe,
It femeth ye wolde make me go to bed at noone.
Naie (quoth he) the daie of doome fhall be doone,
Er thou go to bed at noone or night for mée.
Thou art, to be plaine, and not to flatter thée,

I iij As

69
The fecond parte.

As holfome a morfell for my comely cors.
As a fhoulder of mutton for a ficke hors.
The diuell with his dam, hath more reft in hell,
Than I haue here with the. but well wif well.
Well well (quoth fhe) many wels, many buckets.
Ye (quoth he) and many woords, many buffets.
Had you fome hufband, and fnapte at him thus,
Iwys he would geue you a recumbentibus.
A dog will barke er he bite, and fo thow,
After thy barkyng wilt bite me, I trow now.
But it is harde to make an olde dog ftoupe, lo.
Sir (quoth fhe) a man maie handle his dog fo,
That he maie make him byte him, though he would not,
Hufbandes are in heauen (quoth he) whofe wiues fcold not.
Thou makeft me claw where it itcheth not. I would
Thy toung were coold to make thy tales more cold,
That afpine leafe, fuche fpitefull clappyng haue bred.
That my cap is better at eafe then my hed.
God fende that hed (faid fhe) a better nurs.
For whan the head aketh, all the bodie is the wurs.
God graunt (quoth I) the head and bodie both twoo.
To nourfe eche other, better then they doo.
Or euer haue doone for the mofte tymes patte.
I brought to nurs both (quoth fhe) had it not béene wafte.
Margery good coowe (quoth he) gaue a good meéele,
But than fhe caft it downe again with hir héele.
Howe can hir purs for profite be delitefull ?
Whofe perfon and properties be thus fpitefull.
A péece of a kyd is woorth two of a cat.
Who the diuell will chaunge a rabet for a rat?
If I might chaunge, I wolde rather choofe to begge,
Or fit with a rofted appull, or an egge,
Where mine appetite ferueth me to bée,
Then euery daie to fare lyke a duke with thée.
Lyke

7O
The fecond parte.

Lyke a duke, lyke a duck (quoth fhe) thou fhalt fare,
Except thou wilt fpare, more than thou doft yet fpare.
Thou fareft to well (quoth he) but thou art fo wood,
Thou knowft not who doth the harme, who doth the good.
Yes yes (quoth fhe) for all thofe wyfe woordis vttred,
T know on which fyde my bread is buttred.

But there will no butter cleaue on my breade.

And on my bread any butter to be fpreade.

Euery promife that thou therin doft vtter,

Is as fure as it were fealed with butter.

Or a moufe tied with a thréede. Euery good thyng,
Thou letteft euen flyp, lyke a waghalter flypftryng.
But take vp in time, or els I proteft,

All be not a bedde, that fhall haue yl! reft.

Now go to thy derlyngis, and declare thy gréefe.
Where all thy pleafure is, hop hoore, pipe théefe.

The. viii. chapiter.

Vith this thence hopt fhe, whewith o lord he cryde,

What wretch but I, this wretchednes could byde.
Howe be it in all this wo, I haue no wrong
For it onely is all on my felfe along,
Where I fhould haue brydled her fyrft with rough bit,
To haue made hir chew on the brydell one fit.
For likorous lucre of a little wynnyng,
I gaue hir the brydell at begynnyng.
And now fhe taketh the brydell in the téeth,
And runth away with it, wherby eche man féeth,
It is (as olde men right well vnderftande)
Ill puttyng a nakt fwoord in a mad mans hande.
She takth fuch hert of grace, that though I maime hir.
Or kyl! hir, yet fhall I neuer reclaime hir,
She hath (they fay) bene ftyffe necked euermore.
And it is yll healyng of an olde fore.

This

71
The fecond parte.

This prouerbe prophecied many yeres agone.
It will not out of the flefhe that is bred in the bone.
What chaunce haue I, to haue a wife of fuche fort,
That will no faute amend in earneft nor {port ?
A {mall thinge amis lately I did efpy,
Whiche to make hir mende, by a ieft mirily,
.I faidé but this, taunt tiuet wife, your nofe drops.
So it maie fall, I will eate no broweffe fops
This daie. But two daies after this came in vre,
I had forow to my fops ynough be fure.
Well (quoth I) it is yll ieftyng on the foothe.
Sooth bourd is no bourd, in ought that mirth doothe.
Suche ieftes could not iuggle hir, were ought amis.
Nor turne melancoly to myrth. for it is
No plaiyng with a ftrawe before an olde cat,
Euery tryflyng toie age can not laugh at.
Ye maie walke this waie, but fure ye fhall fynde,
The further ye go, the further behynde.
Ye fhould confyder the woman is olde.
And what for a whot woorde. Sone whot, fone colde.
Beare with them, that beare with you, and fhe is fcand,
Not onely the faireft floure in your garland,
But alfo fhe is all the faire flowers therof,
Will ye requyte hir then with a tauntyng {cof ?
Or with any other kynd of vnkyndneffe?
Take héede is a faire thing. Beware this blindneffe.
Why will ye (quoth he) I fhall folow hir will?
To make me Iohn drawlache, or fuch a {nekebill.
To bryng hir folace, that bryngeth me forow,
Byr lady, than we fhall catche byrds to morow.
A good wife makth a good hufbande, (they faie)
That (quoth I) ye maie tourne an other waie.
To make a good hufband, make a good wyfe.
I can no more herin, but god ftint all ftrife.
Amen

72
The fecond parte.

Amen (quoth he) and god haue mercy brother,

T will now mend this houfe, and payre an other.
And that he ment of likelyhood by his owne.

For fo apairde he that, er thrée yeres were growne.
That little and little he decaied fo long,

Tyll he at length.came to buckle and bare thong.
To difcharge charge, that neceffarily grew,

There was no more water than the fhip drew.
Suche driftes draue he, from yll to wars and wars,
Tyll he was as bare as a byrdes ars.

Money, and money woorth, did fo miffe him,

That he had not now one peny to bliffe him.
Whiche foreféene in this woman wifely waiyng,
That méete was to ftaie fomwhat for hir ftaiyng,
To kepe yet one meffe for Alifon in ftore,

She kept one bag, that he had not féene before.

A poore cooke that maie not licke his owne fyngers.
But about hir at home now {till he lingers,

Not checker a boord, all was not cléere in the cofte,
He lookt lyke one that had befhyt the rofte.

But whether any fecrete tales were fprinklyng,

Or that he by geffe had got an inklyng

Of hir hoord. or that he thought to amend.

And tourne his yll begynnyng to a good ende.

In fhewyng him felfe a new man, as was féet,
That appéered fhortly after, but not yéet,

The. ix. chapiter.

Ne daie in their arbour, whiche ftoode fo to mine,
Ok: I might and did clofely myne eare incline,
And likewyfe caft mine eye to here and fée,
What they faide and did, where they could not {ée mée,
He vnto hir a goodly tale began,
More like a wooer, than a wedded man.

K As

73
The fecond parte.

As ferre as matter therof therein ferued,
But the fyrft part from woordis of wooyng fwerued,
And ftood vpon repentaunce, with fubmiffion,
Of his former crooked vnkynde condicion.
Praiyng hir, to forgeue and forget all frée,
And he forgaue hir, as he forgeuen wolde bee.
Louyng hir now, as he full déepely fwore,
As whotly as euer he loued hir before.
Well well (quoth fhe) what euer ye now faie,
It is to late to call again yefterdaie.
Wife (quoth he) fuche maie my diligence féeme,
That thoffence of yefterdaie I maie redéeme.
God taketh me as I am, and not as I was.
Take you me fo to, and let all thinges paft pas.
I praie the good wife, thinke I fpeake and think plaine.
What, he runth far, that neuer turnth againe.
Ye be yong enough to mende, I agrée it,
But I am (quoth fhe) to old to fée it.
And amende ye or not, I am to olde a yere.
What is lyfe? where liuyng is extinct cléere.
Namely at olde yeres of leafte helpe and moft néede.
But no tale coulde tune you, in tyme to take héede.
If I tune my felfe now (quoth he) it is fayre.
And hope of true tune, fhall tune me from difpayre.
Beleue well, and haue well, men fay. ye, (faid fhée)
Doo well, and haue well, men fay alfo, we fée.
But what man can beleue, that man can do well,
Who of no man will counfell take or here tell.
Whiche to you, whan any man any way tryde,
Than were ye deafe, ye could not here on that fyde.
Who euer with you any tyme therin weares,
He muft both tell you a tale, and fynde you eares.
You had on your harueft eares, thicke of hearyng.
But this is a queftion of olde enqueryng,

Who

74
The fecond parte,

Who is fo deafe, or fo blynde, as is hée,
That wilfully will nother here nor fée?
Whan I faw your maner, my herte for wo molte.
Than wolde ye mend, as the fletcher mends his bolte.
Or as fowre ale mendth in fummer, I know,
And knew, which waie the winde blewe, and will blow.
Though not to my profite, a prophete was I.
I prophecied this, to true a prophecie.
Whan I was right yll beleued, and worfe hard.
By flingyng from your folkes at home, which all mard.
Whan I faid in femblaunce eyther cold or warme,
A man far from his good, is nye his harme.
Or wilde ye to looke, that ye loft no more,
On fuche as fhewe, that hungry flies byte fore.
Than wold ye looke ouer me, with ftomake fwolne,
Like as the diuel lookt ouer Lincolne.
The diuell is dead wife (quoth he) for ye fée,
I looke lyke a lambe in all your woordis to mée,
Looke as ye lift now (quoth fhe) thus lookt ye than.
And for thofe lookes I fhew this, to fhew eche man,
Suche proofe of this prouerbe, as none is gretter.
Which faith, that some man maie fteale a hors better,
Than fome other may ftande and looke vpone.
Leude hufwiues might haue woordis, but I not one
That might be aloude. But now if ye looke,
In miftakyng me, ye may fée, ye tooke
The wrong way to wood, and the wrong fow by theare.
And therby in the wrong boxe to thryue ye weare,
I haue heard fome, to fome tell this tale not féelde.
Whan thrift is in the towne, ye be in the féelde.
But contrary, you made that fence to fowne,
Whan thrift was in the féelde, ye were in the towne.
Féelde ware might finke or fwym, while ye had eny.
Towne ware was your ware, to tourne the peny.

K ij But

75
The fecond parte.

But towne or féelde, where moft thrift did apéere,

What ye wan in the hundred ye loft in the fhéere.

In all your good hufbandry, thus ryd the rocke,

Ye ftumbled at a ftrawe, and lept euer a blocke.

So many kyndes of increafe you had in choice,

And nought increafe nor kepe, how can I reioyce?

Good ridyng at two ankers men haue tolde,

For if the tone faile, the tother maie holde.

But you leaue all anker holde, on feas or lands.

And fo fet vp fhop vpon Goodwins fands.

But as folke haue a faiyng bothe olde and trew,

In that they fay blacke will take none other hew.

So maie I faie here, to my déepe dolour,

It is a bad clothe that will take no colour.

This cafe is yours. For ye were neuer fo wife,

To take fpecke of colour, of good aduyfe.

Thaduyfe of all fréends I fay, one and other

Went in at the tone eare, and out at the tother.

And as thofe woordis went out, this prouerbe in came,

He that will not be ruled by his owne dame,

Shall be ruled by his ftepdame, and fo you.

Hauyng loft your owne good, and owne fréendis now,

Maie féeke your forein fréendis, if you haue any.

And fure one of my great gréefes, among many,

Is that ye haue bene fo veraie a hog,

To my fréendis. What man, loue me, loue me dog.

But you to caft precious ftones before hogs,

Caft my good before a fort of cur dogs.

And fawte bitches. Whiche by whom now deuoured.

And your honeftie amonge them defloured,

And that you maie no more expence a foorde,

Now can they not afoord you one good woorde,

And you them as fewe. And olde folke vnderftoode,

Whan théeues fall out, true men come to their goode.
Whiche

76
The fecond parte.

Whiche is not alwaie true. For in all that bretche,
I can no ferthing of my good the more fetche.
Nor I trow them felues neither, if thei were fworne,
Light come, light go. And fure fens we were borne,
Ruine of one rauine, was there none gretter.
For by your giftes, they be as littell the better.
As you be muche the woorfe and I caft awaie.
An yll wynde that blowth no man to good, men fay.
Well (quoth he) euery wind blowth not downe the corne.
I hope (I faie) good happe be not all out worne.
I will nowe begin thrift, whan thrift femeth gone.
What wife there be mo waies to the wood than one.
And I will affaie all the waies to the wood,
Till I fynde one waie, to get againe this good.
Ye will get it againe (quoth the) I feare,
As fhortly as a horfe will licke his eare.
The Ducheman faieth, that feggyng is good cope.
Good woordes bryng not euer of good déedes good hope,
And thefe woordis fhew your woordis fpoken in fkorne.
It pricketh betymes that will be a good thorne.
Timely crooketh the trée, that will a good camok bée.
And fuch beginnyng fuch ende. we all daie fée.
And you by me at begynnyng beyng thryuen,
And than to kéepe thrift could not be prickt nor driuen.
How can ye now get thrift, the ftocke beyng gone?
Which is thonely thing to reife thrift vpon.
Men faie he maie yll renne, that can not go,
And your gain, without your ftocke, renneth euen fo,
For what is a woorkman, without his tooles ?
Tales of Robin hood are good among fooles,
He can yll pype, that lackth his vpper lyp.
Who lackth a ftocke, his gaine is not woorth a chip,
A tale of a tub, your tale no truth auouth,
Ye fpeake now, as ye would créepe into my mouth,

K itj In

17
The fecond parte.

In pure peinted proceffe, as falfe as fayre.

How ye will amend, whan ye can not apayre.

But againft gaie glofers, this rude text recites,

It is not all butter, that the coow fhites.

I herd ones a wife man faie to his daughter,

Better is the laft fmyle, than the fyrft laughter,

We fhall I truft (quoth he) laugh againe at laft.
Although I be ones out of the faddle caft.

Yet fens I am bent to fyt, this will I doo,

Recouer the hors, or léefe the faddle too. _

Ye neuer could yet (quoth fhe) recouer any hap,
To win or faue ought, to ftop any one gap.

For ftoppyng of gaps (quoth he) care not a rufhe,

I will learne, to {top two gaps with one bufhe.

Ye will (quoth fhe) as foone {top gaps with rushes,
As with any hufbandly handfome buthes,

Your tales haue lyke taft, where temprance is tafter,
To breake my heade, and than geue me a plafter.
Now thrifte is gone, now would ye thryue in all hafte.
And whan ye had thrift, ye had like hafte to watte.
Ye liked then better an ynche of your wyll,

Than an ell of your thrift. Wife (quoth he) be ftill.
Maie I be holpe foorth an ynche at a pinche,

I will yet thriue (I faie) As good is an inche

As an ell. Ye can (quoth fhe) make it fo, well.

For whan I gaue you an ynche, ye tooke an ell.
Till both ell and inche be gone, and we in det.
Naie (quoth he) with a wet fynger ye can fet,

As muche as maie eafyly all this matter eafe,

And this debate alfo pleafantly appeafe.

I could doo as muche with an hundred pround now,
As with a thoufand afore, I affure yow.

Ye (quoth fhe) who had that he hath not, woulde
Doo that he dooth not, as olde men haue tolde. .
Had

78
The fecond parte.

Had I, as ye haue, I woulde dooe more (quoth hée)

Than the préeft {pake of on fonday, ye fhould fée.

Ye dooe, as I haue (quoth fhe) for nought I haue,

And nought ye dooe. What man, I trow ye raue,

Wolde ye bothe eate your cake, and haue your cake?

Ye haue had of me all that I might make.

And be a man neuer fo greedy to wyn,

He can haue no more of the foxe but the fkyn.

Well (quoth he) if ye lift to bring it out,

Ye can geue me your bleffyng in a clout.

That were for my child, (quoth fhe) had I ony,

But hufband, I haue neither child, nor mony.

Ye caft and coniecture this muche like in thow,

As the blind man cafts his ftaffe, or fhootes the crow.

How be it had I money right muche, and ye none,

Yet to be plaine, ye fhulde haue none, for Ione.

Nay, he that firft flattereth me, as ye haue doone.

And doth as ye did to me after, fo foone.

He maie be in my Pater nofter in déede.

But be fure, he fhall neuer come in my Créede.

Aue Maria (quoth he) how much mocion

Here is to praiers, with how littell deuocion.

But fome men faie, no peny no Pater nofter.

I faie to fuche (faid fhe) no longer fofter,

No longer lemman. But faire and well than,

Praie and fhifte eche one for him felfe, as he can.

Euery man for him felfe, and god for us all.

To thofe woordis he faide nought, but foorthwith did fall,

From harping on that ftringe, to faire flattring fpéeche,

And as I erft faide, he did hir fo beféeche,

That thingis erft fo far of, were now fo far on,

That as fhe maie wallow, awaie fhe is gon,

Where all that was left laie with a truftie fréende.

Dwellyng a good walke from hir at the townes eende,
, And

79
The fecond parte.

And backe again ftreight a haltyng pace fhe hobles,
Bringyng a bag of royals and nobles.
All that fhe had, without reftraint of one iote,
She brought bullockis noble. for noble or grote,
Had fhe not one mo. Whiche I after well knew.
And anon {miling, toward him as fhe drew,
A fir light burdeine far heauy (quoth fhe)
This light burdein in longe walke welny tryeth me.
God geue grace I play not the foole this daie.
For here I fende thaxe after the helue awaie.
But if ye will {tint and auoyd all ftryfe,
Loue and cherifhe this as ye wolde my lyfe,
I will (quoth he) wife, by god almightie.
This geare comth euen in puddyng time rightlie.
He {nacht at the bag. No haft but good (quoth the)
Short fhootyng léefeth your game, ye maie fée.
Ye myft the cufhin, for all your haft to it.
And I may fet you befyde the cufhyn yit.
And make you wype your nofe vpon your fléeue,
For ought ye fhall win without ye axe me léeue.
Haue ye not heard tell all couet all léefe:
A fir, I fée, ye may fée no gréene chéefe
But your téeth muft water. A good cocknay coke.
Though ye loue not to bye the pyg in the poke,
Yet f{natche ye at the poke, that the pyg is in,
Not for the poke, but the pyg good chepe to wyn.
Like one halfe loft, till gredy grafpyng gat it,
Ye would be ouer the ftyle, er ye come at it.
But abyde freend, your mother bid till ye were borne.
Snatching winth it not, if ye {natche tyll to morne.
Men faie (faid he) long ftandyng and {mall offring
Maketh poore perfons, and in fuche fignes and proffring.
Many prety tales, and mery toies had they,
Before this bag came fully from hir awey.

Kindly

80
The fecond parte.

Kindly he kyft hir, with woords not tart nor tough.
But the cat knoweth whofe lips fhe lickth well enough.
Anone, the bag fhe deliuered him, and faide,

He fhould beare it, for that it now heauy waide.

With good will wife, for it is (faid he to her)

A proude horfe that will not beare his own prouander.
And oft before féemd fhe neuer fo wyfe,

Yet was fhe nowe, fodeinly waxen as nyfe

As it had bene a halporth of fyluer fpoones,

Thus cloudy mornynges turne to cléere after noones.
But fo ny noone it was, that by and by,

They rofe, and went to diner louyngly.

The. x. chapiter.
His diner thought he long. and ftreight after that,
lee his accuftomed cuftomers he gat.
With whom in what tyme he fpent one grote before,
In leffe time he fpenth now, ten grotes or more
And in fmall tyme he brought the world fo about,
That he brought the bottome of the bag cleane out.
His gaddyng thus againe made hir ill content.
But fhe not fo much as dreamd that all was {pent,
How be it fodeinly fhe mynded on a daie,
To picke the chefte locke, wherin this bag laie,
Determinyng this, if it laie whole ftill,
So fhall it lie, no mite fhe minifhe will.
And if the bag began to fhrinke, fhe thought beft,
To take for hir parte fome parte of the reft.
But ftreight as fhe had foorthwith opened the locke,
And lookt in the bag, what it was a clocke,
Than was it proued trew, as this prouerbe goth,
He that commeth laft to the pot, is fooneft wroth.
By hir commyng lafte, and to late to the pot.
Wherby fhe was potted, thus lyke a fot,
L To
The fecond parte.

To fée the pot both fkymd for rennyng ouer,

And alfo all the licour renne at rouer.

At hir good hufbandes and hir next méetyng,

The diuels good grace might haue geuen a gréetyng,
Eyther for honour or honeftie as good

As fhe gaue him. She was (as they fay) horne wood.
In no place could fhe fit hir felfe to fettle,

It féemd to him, fhe had pift on a nettle.

She nettled him, and he rattled hir fo,

That at ende of that fraie, a funder they go.

And neuer after came together againe.

He turnde hir out at doores to grafe on the playne.
And him felfe went after. For within fortnight,

All that was left, was launched out quyght.

And thus had he brought haddocke to paddocke.
Till they both were not woorth a haddocke.

It hath bene faied, néede maketh the olde wife trot.
Other folke faide it, but fhe did it God wot.

Firft from fréend to fréend, and than from dur to dur.
A beggyng of fome that had begged of hur.

But as men faie, mifery maie be mother,

Where one begger is dryuen to beg of an other.
And thus ware, and wafted this moft wofull wretche.
Tyll death from this lyfe, did hir wretchedly fetche.
Her late hufbande, and now wydower, here and there
Wandryng about few know, and fewer care where.
Cafte out as an abiect, he leadeth his lyfe,

Tyll famine by lyke, fet him after his wyfe.

Now let vs note here, Fyrft of the fyrft twayne,
Where they both wedded together, to remayne,
Hopyng ioyfull prefence fhuld weare out all wo.
Yet pouertée brought that ioye to ioefaile, lo.

But notably note thefe laft twayne, where as hée

Tooke hir onely, for that he riche wolde bée.
And

82
The fecond parte.

And fhe him onely in hope of good happe,

In hir dotyng daies to be daunft on the lappe.

In condicion thei differde fo many waies,

That lightly he layde hir vp for hollie daies.

Hir good he layd vp fo, lefte théeues might fpie it.
That nother fhe could, nor he can come by it.
Thus failed all foure, of all thinges leffe and more,
Whiche they all, or any of all, maryed fore.

The. xi. chapiter.
Orfooth faid my fréend this matter maketh boft,
Of diminucion. For here is a myll poft
Thwytten to a puddyng pricke fo néerely,
That I confeffe me difcouraged cléerely.
In both my weddynges, in all thinges, except one.
This fparke of hope haue I, to procede vpone.
Though thefe and fome other, fpede yll as ye tell,
Yet other haue lyued and loued full well.
If I fhould deny that (quoth I) I fhould raue.
For of both thefe forts, I graunt, that my felfe haue,
Séene of the tone forte, and hard of the tother,
That lyked and lyued right well, eche with other.
But whether fortune will you, that man declare,
That fhall choofe in this choice, your comfort or care,
Sens, before ye haue chofen, we can not know,
I thought to laie the woorft, as ye the beft fhow.
That ye might, beyng yet at libertie,
With all your ioye, ioygne all your ieoperdie.
And nowe in this herde, in thefe cafes on eche parte,
I fay no more, but lay your hand on your harte.
T hartily thanke you (quoth he) I am fped
Of mine errande. This hitteth the nayle on the hed.
Who that leaueth furety and leaneth vnto chaunce,
Whan fooles pype, by auctoritée he maie daunce.
Lij And

83
The fecond parte.

And fure am I, of thofe twayne, if I none choofe,
Although I nought wyn, yet fhall I nought loofe.
And to wyn a woman here, and lofe a man,
In all this great winnyng, what gain win I than?
But marke how foly hath me away caryed.
How like a wethercocke I haue here varyed.
Firft thefe two women to loofe, I was fo lothe,
That if I might, I woulde haue wedded them bothe
Than thought I fens, to haue wedded one of them.
And now know I cléere, I will wed none of them.
They both fhall haue this one aunfwere by letter,
As good neuer a whit as neuer the better.

Nowe let me axe (quoth I) and your felfe anfwere,
The fhort queftion, that I afked while ere.
A foule olde riche widowe, whether wed would ye,
Or a yonge fayre mayde, beyng poore as ye be.
In neither barrell better hearyng (quoth hee)
I lyke thus, richeffe as yll as pouertée.
Who that hath either of thefe pygs in vre,
He hath a pyg of the woorfe panier fure.
I was wedded vnto my wyll. How be it,
I will be deuorft, and be wed to my wyt.
Wherby with thefe examples pafte, I maie fée,
Fonde weddyng, for loue, as good onely to flée.
Onely for loue, or onely for good,
Or onely for both I wed not, by my hood.
Thus no one thing onely, though one thing chiefly
Shall woo me to wed now: for now I efpy,
Although the chiefe one thing in wedding be loue,
Yet muft mo things ioygne, as all in one maie moue.
Suche kynde of lyuyng, for fuche kynde of lyfe,
As lackyng the fame, no lacke to lacke a wife.
Here is enough, I am fatiffied (faid he.)
Sens enough is enough (faid I) here maie we,

With

34
The fecond parte.

With that one woord take ende good, as may be geatt,
For falke faie, enough is as good as a feaft.

FINIS.

The firfte hunded of

Epigrammes.
Anuented and
made
bp
Jobn Hep-
wood.

LONDINI
1562.

85
To the reader.

<) Yme without reafon, and reafon without ryme,
In this conuercion deepe diffrence doth fall.
In firft part wherof where I am falne this time.
=I The foly I graunte, which graunted (readers all)
Your graunt, to graunt this requeft, require I fhall,
Ere ye full reiecte thefe trifles folowyng here
Perceiue (I praie you) of the woordes thententes clere.

 

“{In whiche (maie ye like to looke) ye fhall efpie

Some woordes, fhewe one fence, a nother to difclofe,
Some woordes, them felfes fondrie fenfes fignifie:

Some woordes, fomewhat from common fence, I difpofe,
To feeme one fence in text, a nother in glofe.

Thefe words in this work, thus wrought your working toole
Maie woorke me to feeme (at leaft) the les a foole.

Than in rough rude termes of homelie honeftie

(For vnhoneft terme (I truft) there none here foundes)
Wherin fine tender eares fhal offended bee

Thofe folies, beyng fercht in reafons boundes.

Reafon maie bee furgion faluyng thofe woundes.
Turning thofe fores to falues: for reafon doth geffe
Homely matters, homly termes dooe beft expreffe.

{But where all defence ftandth in exempcion
To defend me herein out of folies bandes.

So that to redeme me thers no redempcion.
Graunting, and fubmitting foly, that fo ftandes.
This laft refuge I craue to haue, at your handes,
Thofe folies ftanding cleere from intent of yll.
In lieu or lacke of good wit, except good will.

86
The table to this booke.

The preface to the reader.
An Eprigramme on this book

of Epigrammes. i.
Of thrée fages. ii,
Queftions anfwered iii,
Of water, wine, and ale. _iiii.
To muche or to littell. Vv.
Of the fenfes. vi.
Of talkyng. vil.
Of heares and wittes. viii.
A dronkarde. ix,

The foxe and the mayde. x.
Of an yll gouernour called
Tude. xi.
Vpon geuyng an almes. = xii.
Of a furfet. xiii.
Repugnance in aparance. xiiii.

The ape and the affe. XV.
A foole and a wyfe man. xvi.
Of fight. xvii.
Feigned newes. xviii.
Two arme in arme. xix,

Of héeryng and fpeakyng. xx.
Of witte, will, & wifdome. xxi.
The wrenne and hir birdis. xxii,

The maifter & his man. xxiii.
Vpon penance. xxiii.
Tacke and his father. XXvV.
Of a dawe. XXvi.
Of afkyng and fhewing the

waie. xxvii.
A quiet neighbour, XXviil.

Of dogges and théeues. xxix.
A keper of the commaunde-

tmentes. XXX.
Of a nofe. XXX.
Letting of a ferme. XXXiL
Age and youth. Xxxiii.
A rofe and a nettill,  xxxiilii.

Of the wiues & hir hufbandis
watt. XXXV.
An old wiues boone. xxxvi.
A talke of two conies. xxxvii.

A prifoner. XXXViil.
Two blinde men. XXXix,
Debilitée of fenfes. xl.
A foolifhe hufband. xli.
A witty wyfe. xlii.

Hanfom handlyng. xliii.
A faiyng of Patche, my lorde
- cardinals foole. xiii.

Certaine folies. xlv.
Of two ftudentes. xlvi.
A mery woman. xlvii.
A lowfe and a flea. xlviii.

Of him that forgat his Pater
nofeer in Latine. xlix.
Of him that could not learne
his Pater nofter in englifh. 1.
Of the fift and the hert. li.
Of this woord, exough. lit.
Of table plaie. liii,
The cock and the hen. _iiii.
Chepening a face of furre. lv.
Biyng

87
The Table.

Biyng of fhooes. lvi.
A fufpicion cléered. lvii.
Of fpite. viii.
Of the letter H. lix.
Ill fléeyng of Idelneffe. Ix.
Atoung andaclocke. _1xi.
A herer of a fermon. Ixii.

A man without wit, ftrength,
and cunnyng. Ixiii.

How to withe. Ixiiii.

A doubtful demaund or
choife, Ixv.

An olde widower and a yong
maide. Ixvi.

Gapynge oyfters. Ixvii.

The iudge & the iuggler. Ixviii.

Of lookyng. Ixix.
Of conftancie. Ixx,
Of a face and a witte. lxxi.
Of blowyng. Ixxii.
To the flatterer. Ixxiii.
Of contentacion. lxxiiii,
Of waityng. Ixxv.
Of foreknowlage. Ixxvi.

The fame impugned without
chag of wordis, except. iiii or v.
Miftaking an errand. I xxvii.
Of kepyng an Inne. xxviii.
A wyues defence of hir betil
brow. Ixxix.

88

The fhrewd wiues tunge. Ixxx,
A fooles tunge. Ixxxi.
Of glaffe and lattife. Ixxxii,
Two wifhers for two maner

of mouthes. Ixxxiii,
Of difpraife. Ixxxiiii.
A difcharg fro hipocrifie Ixxxy.
Of the foole & the gentlemans

nofe. Ixxxvi,
A foole taken for wife. Ixxxvii.
Thinges to forbeare. 1xxxviii,
Of medlers. Ixxxix.
Of dwellyng. xc,
Of the miller & the fexten. xci.
Of bookes & chéefe. xcii,
Of heades. xcili.
The woodcock & the daw. xciiii.

Of few woordes. XcVv.
Wotyng and wéenyng. xcvi.
The fame otherwyle.
A muche lyke mattier. xcvii.
Wifdome and foly. xcviii.
Of lacke. xcix.
The weathercock, the réede,
and the wynde. CG
Finis Tabula.
The fyrft hundred of Epigrammes.

An Epygramme on this booke of Epygrammes. I.

His booke maie féeme, as it forteth in fute,
‘We thyn trym trencher to ferue folke at frute.
But caruer or reader can no waie win,

To eate frute theron, or compt frute therin.
Of three fages. 2.

Thrée maner fages nature dooth deuife,
The fage herbe, the fage foole, and the fage wife.
And who for mofte wyfe him felfe dooth accept,
Maie matche any fage, the fage wife except.

Queftions anfwered. Ry

Truft thei any, \

That truft not many? si

Pleafe they any.
: Nay.
That ferue many? a

Helpe they any, bye
That helpe not many? J * ~

Fréende they any, \
’\ ¢ Nay.
That flatter many ?

Feare they any, \ B
That feare not many?

Keéepe they any, \ N
That kéepe to many? ay

Of water, wine, and ale. 4.
Water vnder a bote, wine in a bottell,

The tone I can beare, thother bearth me well,
M And

89
The fyrft hundred

And where as nother botes nor bottels bée,
Nother can I beare wyne, nor water beare mée.
But aboue all licour welfare ale (I faie)

For I with ale, and ale with me wag away.

To muche or to little. 5.
If that I drinke to muche, than am I drie,
If I drinke to littell, more drie am I:
If I drinke no whit than am I dryeft.
To muche, to little, no whit, nought is the beft,
Thus drinke we no whit, or drinke tyll we burft,
Yet poore drie foules we be euer a thurft.

Of the Jenfes. 6.
Speake not to muche, left fpéeche make the fpéecheleffe,
Go not to muche, for feare thou go behynde,
Here not to muche, left hearyng bring deafneffe.
Looke not to muche, left lookyng make the blynde.
Smell not to muche, left fmellyng lofe his kynde.
Taft not to muche, lefte tafte miftaft thy chaps.
Touche not to muche for feare of after claps.
Of talkyng. a
Thy tayle can talke, and knowth no letter,
Thy tounge can talke and talkth much fwetter.
But except wifdome be the gretter,
Of tounge and tayle, thy tayle talkth better.
Of heares and wyttes. 8,
Thinne heares and thicke wittes be deyntée,
Thicke heares and thicke wittes be pleintée.
Thicke heares and thicke wittes be fkant,
Thinne heares and thinne wittes none want.

A dronkard. 9.
A goofe is harneft in hir white fethers,
A drunkard in drynke againft all weathers.
A foole in his fooles hood, put all togethers.
The

go
of Epigrammes.

The foxe and the mayde. 10.
Although that foxes haue bene féene there féelde,
Yet was there lately in Fynfbery féelde
A foxe fate in fyght of certayne people,
Noddyng, and blyffyng, ftaryng on poules ftéeple.
A maide toward market with hens in a band
Came by, and with the fox fhe fell in hand.
What thing is it Rainard in your brain ploddyng,
That bringeth this bufy bliffing and noddyng?
I nother nod for fleepe fwéete herte the foxe fayde,
Nor bliffe for fpirites, excepte the diuell be a mayde.
My noddyng and blyffyng breedth of wonder,
Of the witte of Poules wethercocke yonder.
There is more witte in that cocks onely head,
Than hath bene in all mens heades that be deade.
As thus, by common reporte this we fynde,
All that be dead, did die for lacke of wynde.
But the wethercocks witte is not fo weake
To lacke wynde: the wynde is euer in his beake.
So that while any wynde blowth in the fkie,
For lacke of winde that wethercocke will not die.
She caft downe hir hennes, and now did fhe blis,
Iesu (quoth fhe) im nomine patris,
Who hath euer heard at any feafon
Of a foxes forgeyng fo feat a reafon?
And while fhe preyfed the foxes wyt fo,
He gat hir hens in his necke and to go.
Whither awaie with my hens foxe (quoth fhe ?)
To poules pig as faft as I can (quoth he)
Betwene thefe hennes, and yonder wethercock
I will affaie to haue chickens a flock.
Whiche if I may get, this tale is made goode,
In all Chriftendome not fo wife a broode.
M ij Maiden

gt
The fyrft hundred:

Maidén (quoth he) thefe hens be forbodden
Your fight, tyll the wethercock hath trodden.
Wo woorth (quoth fhe) all craftie inuencions,
And all inuenters, that by fals intencions,
Inuent with intent to blynd or bleare blunt eies,
In cafe as this fox to me doeth deuife,

Of an yl gouernour called Iude. Il.

A ruler there was in countrey a fer,
And of the people a great extorcioner:
Who by name (as I vndeftand) was called Iude,
One gaue him an affe, whiche gyft when he had veude,
He afked the geuer, for what intent
He brought him that affe. For a prefent
I bryng maifter Iude (quoth he) this as hyther,
To ioygne maifter Iude and this as together.
Whiche two ioygned in one, this is brought to pas,
I maie byd you good euen maifter Iudas.
Macabe or Ifcariot thou knaue (quoth he ?)
Whom it pleafe your mafterfhip, him let it be.

Of geuyng an almes. 12.

Into a beggars hande, that almes did craue,
In ftéede of one peny, two penfe one gaue.
Whiche doone, he faide beggar happie thou art,
For to the my hand is better then my hart.
That is (quoth the begger) as it chaunceth now,
The better for me, and the woorfe for yow.

Of a fur fet. 13.
VA man from a feuer recouered new,
His gréedy appetite could not efchew,
From meate contagious, wherto he had a luft,
But one morfell one euening, nedes eate he muft.
Whiche foorthwith brought good approbacion,
Of his retourne into refidiuacion.
What

g2
of Epigramies.

What caufe caufeth this (quoth the phificion ?)

I know (quoth he) no caufe of fufpicion.

How be it my wonder is great as can be,

By what meane this feuer attacheth me

More, for eatyng a littell this night laft,

Than for eatyng muche more the night before paft.
I did eate a capon nie euery whit

The laft night: after whiche, I felt no fit.

And this night I éete but one bit of frefh béefe.
And yet I am fhaken with the hourfon théefe.

Now (quoth the phificion) apéerth the caufe why
Capon is holfome, and the béefe contrary.

And a littell yll meate geueth fickneffe more foode,
Than a littell to muche of meate that is goode.

Sir, I thanke you muche (quoth the pacient)

This leffon fhall henffoorth make me to confent,

Whan I fhall néedes furfet, by vnruly will,

Rather to furfet on that is good, than yll.
Repugnancie in apparance. 14.

Muche contrarietée may féeme to ftand

Where none is. as by example, my fon.

In London is the beft ale of all England:

And yet as good ale in England as in London.
The ape and the affe. 15.

The ape and the affe ftoode, where they behéelde.
A courfe with a greyhound at the hare in a féelde.
They well perceiuyng, the greyhound great ground wan.
As long as the hare and he foorthright ran.

And like aduauntage they fawe in the hare,
Whan fhe lift lightly to turne here and thare.
The ape to know whether the affis talkyng,
Were any quicker than his affhis ftalkyng.
Afked the affe: if thou fhouldeft choofe one of bothe,
To ren as fwiftly as the greyhound yonder gothe
M iij Or

93
The fyrft hundred

Or turne as light as the hare: whiche one of twaine
Wouldft thou in thy choofyng by choyfe obtaine ?

I (quoth the affe) beyng at lybertée,
Will choofe none of bothe feates, I may fay to thée.
What winneth the dog by his fwift footemanthip ?
When the hare at pinche turnth from him at a whip.
And what winth the hare in hir turns fo lightly,
The dog out rennyng hir againe by and by?
Rennyng or turnyng fo, ren or tourne who will,
I will goe foftly, or els ftand euen ftill.
Howbete to affoyle thy queftion (quoth he)
If I fhould choofe one, lyke the hare would I be.
For where the dog renneth the hare for to kyll,
She turnth for defence, offring the dog none yll.
And better is this part in this cafe brother,
My felfe to defend, then offend an other.

A foole and a wife man. 16,

A foole and a wyfe man ridyng one efpyde.
He afked the horfe, that the wyfe man dyd ryde,
Whither gofte thou horfe ? whither go I (quoth he ?)
Afke him that guideth the brydell, afke not me.
Whither rydeft thou foole (quoth he) with looke fo fell ?
Afke my horfe knaue (faid he) what can I tell.
Whan fooles ryde (quoth he) that can not rule the raine
Their horfes be their herbengers, I fée plaine.
And when wife men ryde, I right well efpie,
Them felfe, not their horfe, apointe where they lie.

OF fught. 17.
Who néedes will looke, and would not fée,
The fyght once féene thou lookeft fore,
Clofe vp thine eies. For truft thou me.

Muche lookyng fo, bréedth much eie fore.
Feigned

94
of Epigrammes.

Feigned newes. 18.

From a féeld fought, one of the beaten fyde,
Ran home, and victorie on his part he cride.
Whofe prince by him thus enfourmed of this,
Made bonfiers and bankettes, as the vfe is.

In fhort tyme after all whiche foie and coft,

The kynge was acertaind, the féeld was loft.
Wherwith he (in as great haft as great gréefe)
Charged the fyrft meffenger to make préefe,
Where he had this lie, that the féeld was wonne.
My felfe fir (quoth he) this lie fyrft begonne,
Which for commoditée vnto your grace

And all your fubiectes, I brought it in place.
Where the truth fhould haue brought watchyng and wéeping,
My lie brought two daies of laughyng and fléeping.
And if ye all this yere tooke my lye for true,

To kepe you mery, what harme could enfue?
Better is (quoth he) be it new or ftale,

A harmeleffe lie, than a harmefull true tale.

How his ly was aloude, I know none that knowth.
But it was at leaft winkt at, I heard of trowth.

Two, arme in arme. 19.
One faid to an nother takyng his arme,
By licence fréend, and take this for none harme.
No fir (quoth the other) I geue you léeue
To hang on my arme, but not on my fléeue.
Of hearyng and fpeakyng. 20.
Who heareth all
And fpeaketh nought,
Chaunce maie fo fall
He is well tought.
Who fpeaketh all
And heareth nought
Fall

95
The fyrft hundred

Fall what fhall fall,
He is ill tought.
Who heareth all,
And all bableth,
What euer fall
He ofte fableth.
Who hereth nought,
Nor nought can fpeake,
Maie foone be thought
A hodie peake.
Saie nought, here all,
Saie all, here nought,
Both, none, thefe fall
Extremely wrought.
Who hereth oft,
And fpeaketh féeld,
Be witte alofte
He wynth the féeld.
Of wit, will, and wifdome. 21.
Where will is good, and wit is yll,
There wifdome can no maner fkyll.
Where wit is good, and will is yll,
There wifdome fitteth all filent ftill.
Where wit and will are both two yll,
There wifdome no waie meddle will,
Where wit and will well ordred bée,
There wifdome makth a trinitée.
The wrenne, and hir birdes. 22.
Of a neft of wrens late bred in a hedge,
Whiche the dam forfakyng, when they were fledge,
One faide: Alas mother what is the why,
That ye draw from vs vnnaturally ?
Child (quoth the dam) I dooe now vnto thée,
As my dam in my youth did vnto me.
Wherby

96
of Epigrammes.

Wherby I am blamleffe in that I do,
Sens I do but as I haue bene done to.

Mother (quoth he) to deale as ye be delt with,
Is not alwaie méete: but this is the pith:

As ye would your dam fhould haue delt with yow,
So fhould ye our dam deale with your birdes now.

Why fonne (quoth fhe) thinkft thou me fuch a foole?

That my childe fhall fet his mother to fcoole?
Nay adieu (quoth fhe) and away the is flowne:
This childe for this checke refufyng for hir owne.
Whiche done, the wren calth his brothers and fifters,
And vnto them this leffon he whifters.
I fée and ye may fée (quoth he) by this cafe,
The triall of tauntes out of tyme and place.
Where faire woordis haply my mother might haue won,
This taunt makth hir refufe me for hir fon.
Whiche maie teach vs all, where euer we becum,
Rather by filence alway to be mum,
Than in ought at libertée, or forbydden,
To taunt our betters, openly or hydden.

The maifter and the man. 23.

A man, and his man, chaunced late to bée
Nie where a crowe ftoode criyng in a trée.

Tames (quoth the maifter) the crow hath fpyde thee.
Nay by God, he loketh on you maifter (quoth he)
Taunts (quoth the maifter) rebound fomtyme I fée.
Where I thought to taunt thée, thou doeft taunt mée.

Vpon penance. 24.

Two men of one man were confeft but late,
And both two had penaunce after one rate.
Which was : eche of them a peny fhould geue
To a peniles man, him to releue.
Thone of thefe twayne had one peny and no more.
Thother, no peny nor farthyng had in ftore.

N They

97
The fyrft hundred

They difclofyng eche to other in this cafe.
This peny father drue his purfe apafe,
Saiyng: fens thou art penileffe, I will
Geue the this peny, my penance to fulfill.

God thanke the (quoth the tother) and fens thow
Art now peniles, as I was euen now,
For penaunce I geue this peny to thée,
As fréely as euer thou gaueft it to mée.
Well done (quoth the other) here may we boft,
Peny dole delt, without one peny cofte.

Lacke and his father. 25.

Iacke (quoth his father) how fhall I eafe take?
If I ftand, my legges ake, and if I knéele,
My knées ake, If I goe, then my féete ake,
If I lie, my backe akthe, If I fit I féele
My hyps ake: and leane I neuer fo wéele,
My elbowes ake: Sir (quoth Iacke) peyn to exile,
Sens all thefe eafe not, beft ye hang a while.

Of a daw. 26.

With a croffebowe late in hand readie bent
To fhoote at a dawe in a trée, I went.
Saiyng to one by: I will affaie to hit
Yonder I fée a daw, if fhe will fit.

She is, if fhe fit, a daw in déede (quoth he)
But if fhe fit not, what is fhe than faie ye?
A daw alfo (faid I). Than faid he, I fée,
Whether a daw fyt, or whether a daw flée,
Whether a daw ftand, or whether a daw lie,
Whether a daw creke, or whether a daw crie,
In what cafe fo euer a daw, perfeuer,
A daw is a daw, and a daw fhall be euer.

Of fhewyng the waie. 27.
Twaine met in a high waie, what tyme they did go,

Eche one toward the place the tother came fro,
What

98
of Epigrammes.

What is my waie (faide the tone) I pray the?

Foule (quoth thother.) That is yll tidynges (quoth he.)
I can tell the better tidyngis then this:

Thy way, both faire and fmooth as a dye is.

My tidynges (quoth he) is better then thyne,

But I thinke thy tidyngis truer then mine.

This is (quoth the tother) fo well brought about,

That it brought and fhall bryng me in dout,

Whiche of thefe twayne is moft ill to vew,

Good tales that be falfe, or yll tales that be trew.

A quiet neighbour. 28.

Accompted our commoditées,
Few more commodious reafon fées,
Than is this one commoditée,
Quietly neighboured to bée.
Whiche neighbourhood in the apéers.
For we two hauyng ten whole yéers
Dwelt wall to wall, fo ioygninglie,
That whifpering foundeth through welny.
I neuer herd thy feruauntis brall
More than thou hadft had none at all.
Nor I can no way make auaunt,
That euer I heard the geue them taunt.
Thou art to them and they to thée
More milde then muet, mum ye bée.
I heare no noife mine eafe to breake,
Thy buttry doore I here not creake.
The kitchin cumbreth not by heate,
Thy cookes choppe neither herbes nor meate.
I neuer heard thy fyre once f{parke,
I neuer heard thy dog once barke,
I neuer heard once in thy houfe,
So muche as one péepe of one moufe,

N ij

a,

99
The fyrft hundred

I neuer herd thy catte once mew.

Thefe preyfes are not {mall nor few.

I beare all water of thy foyle,

Wherof I féele no fylthie foyle,

Saue water, which dooth wath thy handis,
Wherin there none annoiance ftandis.

Of all thy gueftes fet at thy boorde,

I neuer heard one fpeake one woorde.

TI neuer heard them coegh nor hem:

T thinke hence to Ierufalem,

For this neighbourlie quietneffe,

Thou art the neighbour neighbourleffe.
For er thou wouldeft neighbours annoy,
Thefe kyndes of quyet to deftroy,

Thou rather wouldeft to helpe that matter,
At home alone faft bread and water.

Of dogges and theeues. 29.

To kepe théeues by night out of my houfe,
I kepe doggis to ayde me in my yarde,
Whofe barkyng at ftur of euery moufe,
By lacke of fléepe kylth me in regarde,
Théeues or dogs than, whiche maie beft be fparde ?
Murder is the moft mifchiefe here to geffe,
Théeues can do no more, and dogs will do no leffe.

A keper of the commaundementes. 30.

If it be (as it is) muche commendable,
To kepe Gods preceptes. geuen Moyfes in table:
In kepyng the fame (as thou haft pretended)
Thou maift well be marueyloufly commended.
Firft for thy hauyng any mo gods but one,
Thou kepeft within that bound, For God thou haft none.
Hauyng or woorfhippyng of god falfe or true,

Thou haft nor worfhippeft God olde nor newe.
And

100
of Epigrammes.

And as for the committyng of Idolatrie,
By grauyng to thy felfe any Imagerie,
This twenty yeres daie in weather hot or coole,
Thou handled{t no caruyng nor woorkyng toole.

The name of God in vayne thou confentft not till,
Thou neuer fwerft but for fome purpofe good or yll,

And as for the holy daie, thou doeft breake none,
For thou wilt rather make twentie then breake one.

Father and mother not difhonoured by thée:

For thou neuer comft where any of them bée.

And where thou fhalt not kyll, to cléere the of that,
Thou neuer durft abyde to fyght with a gnat.

Than all adultery or fornicacion
Chaftitée difchargeth, by this approbacion.

All women hardly can beare the their fauour,
To abyde thy fight: and in no wyfe thy fauour.

For ftealyng or theft, what euer thou haft béene,
Thy handes at this daie are knowen to be cléene.
How canft thou fteale ought in houfe, féeld, or ftréete ?
Thou fitteft in Newgate faft bound handis and féete.

By falfe witneffe thou neuer hurteft man, for why,
Eury woord thou fpeakeft, eury man thinkth a lie.

Now, to couet in mynde thy neighbours affe,

Or his houfe, when bondage will not let the paffe.

To ride to the tone, or go to the tother,

Or in confented thought one waie or other.

For to couet thy neighbours maide or his wyfe,

Thou knowyng, they can not loue thée for their lyfe,

Or of thy neighbours thinges to couet any thyng,

Whan couetoufnes can no way bryng winnyng,

But that lacke of credite, libertée, or loue,

Kepth the from that couetyng can moue.

Thou haft to fhrewde a wit in defyre to dwell,

To haue thingis, from whiche difpeyre doth the expell.
N iij Thus

IOI
The fyrft hundred

Thus in gods precepts, except thou cléere appéere,
I know not who the diuell can fay he is cléere.

Of a nofe. 31.
But for blemifhe of a face to looke vpon,
T doubt which were beft, to haue a nofe or none.
Moft of our fauours are more fowre than fwéete,
A nofe or no nofe, whiche is now moft méete?

Leityng of a ferme. 32.

By woord without wrytyng one let out a farme,
The couenaunts wherin the leffée brake a mayne:
Wherby the leffor, lackyng wrytyng, had harme.
He faide and fware, he would make promife plaine,
Without wrytyng, neuer to let thyng againe.
Hufband cryde this wyfe, that othe agayne reuarte,
Els without wrytyng, ye can not let a farte.

Age and youth. 33.

Though age and youth together can {éeld agrée,
Yet once two yong and two olde folke did I fée,
Agréede lyke lams together dyuers yeres.

The ftorie wherof foorthwith aperes.

A woman olde, and a man young were led,

She him for loue, and he hir for good to wed.

A yong woman, and olde man in lyke cafe,

Were wed for lyke caufe at the fame tyme and place.
Into one houfe thefe two couples wedded were,
And duryng their lyues, together muft liue there.
And they once acquainted, and one month maryed,
All their liues after they neuer varyed.

Company and condicion thefe foure folke hold,

As nature naturally wylth yong and old:

Couplyng them felues to gether thus euery daie,

Tholde fooles aldaie prate, the yong fooles aldaie plaie.

102

A
of Epigrammes.

A rofe and a nettill. 34.
What tyme herbes and wéedes, and fuch thingis could talke,
A man in his gardeine one daie did walke,
Spiyng a nettill gréene (as Themeraude) fpred
In a bed of rofes lyke the rubie red.
Betwene whiche two colours, he thought by his eye,
The gréene nettill did the red rofe beautifie.
How be it he afked the nettill, what thing
Made him fo pert ? fo nye the rofe to fpringe.
I grow here with thefe rofes, faide the nettill:
Their milde propertées in me to fettill.
And you, in laiyng vnto me your nofe,
Shall fmell, how a nettle maie change to a rofe.
He did fo, whiche done, his noftrils fo pritcht,
That raffhely he rubd, where it no whit itcht,
To whiche fmart mocke, and wyly begylyng,
He the fame fmellyng, faide fmoothly fmylyng,
Rofes conuert nettils ? Nay, they be to fell,
Nettils will peruet Rofes rather, I fmell.

Of the wyues and hir hufbandes wa/fee. 35.
Where am I leaft hufband ? quoth he, in the waft:
Which comth of this, thou art vengeable ftreit latte.
Where am I biggeft wife ? in the wafte (quoth fhee)
For all is wafte in you, as far as I fee.

An olde wiues boone. 36.

In olde world, when olde wyues bitterly prayde,
One deuoutly as by way of a boone,
Axt vengeance on hir hufband, and to him faide, oe
Thou wouldft wed a young wyfe er this wéeke were doone
Wer I dead, but thou fhalt wed the diuel as foone.

I can not wed the diuell (quoth he) why (quoth fhe ?)
For I haue wedded his dam before (quoth he)

A talke

103
The fyrft hundred

A talke of two conies. 37.

In tyme whan dum beaftes, as well as birdis fpake,

Two conies their mindes in this mater brake.

Were all conies in fuch cafe (faid the one)

That of two winters weather we muft choofe one?
Whiche were beft choice, froft neuer, and fnowe euer?
Or els to choofe froft euer, and fnow neuer.

Froft (quoth the other) maketh vs luftie and fat,
And fnow lameth vs for leane. What (quoth he) for that?
Fortie fat conies be oft kylde in one night,

Whan leane conies with lyfe fcape away quight.
Ye (quoth the tother) but where fnow to long lyeth,
Conies by famin well nie euery one dieth.
Better all be fatte, though fome die as lotts fall,
Than linger in leanneffe, and therby die all.
A prifoner. 38.
In prifon, a prifoner condemned to die,
And for execucion waityng daylie,
In his handes for woormes lookyng on a daie,
Smilyng to him felfe thefe woordes did faie:
Sence my foure quarters in foure quarters fhall ftand,
Why harme I thefe féely woormes eatyng my hand? °
Nought els in this déede doo I, but my felfe fhow,
Enemy to the woorme and fréend to the crow.
Two blinde men. 30.
One blynde man to fupper an other bad,
Whiche twayne fittyng at fuch meate as they had,
Me thinkth (quoth the blind hoft) this candell burnth dim.
So thinkth me fir, faide the blind gueft to him.
Wife (faide the good man) with forow mend this light.
She put out the candell, whiche burned very bright.
And chopt downe emptie candelfticks two or thrée.
So lo: now eate and welcome neighbour (quoth he.)
Debilitée

104
of Epigrammes.

Debilitee of fenfes. 40.

Wyfe, my hands for féelyng are oft very yll.
And as thone hand mendth, thother appeyreth ftill.

Ye faie footh (faid fhe) thone hand féelth euermore,
Woorfe the daie prefent, than the daie before.

Thother hand féeleth by oinctmentes excellent,

Better the day before than the daie prefent.

But how dooth your eye fyght? woorfe and woorfe (faid he.)
For woorfe this daie, than yefterdaie, I fée the.

Though you wer blinde (quoth fhe) that fhuld no loue breake,
I would your eies were out, fo you could not fpeake.

Take hearyng to (quoth he) thou makft my eares fuch,
That thou haft made them here enough, and to muche.
And goyng maie go to. For where euer I am,

I go not an ynche from the diuell or his dam.

In feith if thou didft (quoth fhe) yet could I well

Fynde meane, to fynde out a foole by the fmell.
And here may we here and fée, how this tale fytts,
With my good mans goodly lyms, and good witts.

A foolifhe hufbande. 4l.

Hufband, two wittes are better then one, clarks faie,
To debate mattiers : whiche féemeth true this waie.
Whan we two contend whats my wit without thyne,

To conuince thy felfe, thy wyt conducth mine.
A wytty wyfe. 42.

Iane (quoth Iames) to one fhort demaund of myne
Anfwere not with a lie, from that mouth of thine,

And take this noble. Which when fhe had tane,
Is thy hufband (quoth he) a cockold Iane?

She ftoode ftill, and to this would no woord fpeake.
From whiche dum dump when he could hir not breake,
He axt his noble againe. Why (quoth fhe)

Made I any lie to thée? Nay (quoth he.)
O Than

105
The fyrft hundred ee.

Than walke foole (quoth fhe) this wager I wyn cléere,
And thou of my counfel neuer the néere.
Gogs foule (fware he) and flang away amayne,
I will neuer talke with that woman againe.
For as fhe in fpéeche can reuile a man,
So can fhe in filence beguile a man.
Handfom handlyng. 43.
Some wonder to fée thy handlyng of thingis neate,
But it is no wonder as the cafe ftandis.
The toes of thy féete in handlyng of thingis feate,
Are as hanfom as the fyngers of thy handis.
A faiyng of Patche my lord cardinals foole. 44.
Mafter Sexten, a parfon of knowne wit,
As he at my lord Cardinals boord did fit,
Gredily raught at a goblet of wyne:
Drinke none (faid my lord) for that fore leg of thine.
I warrant your grace (quoth Sexten) I prouide
For my leg: For I drinke on the tother fide.
Certaine folies. 45.
To caft faire white falte into wife mens meate, \
To make them count falt fuger, when they eate,
To beare a man in hand he ttcheth in eche parte \
Whan the man feeleth an vniuerfall /marte,
To fpeake alwaies well, and do alwaies ill, \
And tell men thofe deedes are doone of good wyll,
Thy luftie limd horfe to leade in thy hand, \
When on thy lame lyms thou canft {cantly fand,
Of kyks for cage woorke, to builde thy houfe hie, \
And couer tt with leade to kepe thy houfe drie,
Of two ftudentes. 46.
Two fcolers yonge in the vniuerfitée late.
Kept in thinne diet, after fcolars rate,
Thone beyng an eater gréedy and greate,
Thother a weake féeder, faid at his meate:
Oh

106
of Epigrammes.

Oh this fmart {mall pittans, and hungrie diet,
Maketh vs to ftudie aptly and quiet.

Sure (faid the tother) fmall meales are induction
To thencreafe of ftudie, for deper inftruction,
This diner fhall driue me to ftudie anon,
Where I maie get more meate, whan this is gon.

A merie woman. 47.

There came by chaunce to a good companie.
A lady, a wanton and a merie.
And though euery woord of hir owne fhowde hir light,
Yet no mans woordis els to hir might that recite:
She had all the woordis, fhe babled fo faft,
That they beyng wéery, one faid at the laft:
Madame, ye make my hert lyght as a kyx,
To fée you thus full of your meretrix.

This tricke thus well tricked in the latine phrafe,
Brought to this tricker nother mufe nor mafe,
She nought perceiuyng, was no whit offended:
Nor hir light behauiour no whit amended,
But ftill hir tounge was clappyng lyke a paten.
Well, faid the faid man, in language of laten,
T neuer tolde woman any faute before,
Nor neuer in laten will tell them faute more.

A loufe and a flea. 48.

A loufe and a flea, fet in a mans necke,
Began eche other to taunt and to checke.
Difputyng at length all extremitées
Of their pleafures, or difcommoditées.
Namely this I heard, and bare away well.

If one (quoth the loufe) fcrat within an ell
Of thy tayle: than foorthwith art thou fkippyng,
Lyke iacke of Bedlem in and out whipping.
Halfe an houre after thou darft no where fyt,
To abyde the bytyng of one good byt.

O ij And

104
The fyrft hundred

And whan any man herein fhall proue me,
His nailes dooe (as a writte dooth) remoue me.
Whiche nayles once remoued from the mans head,
T am ftreight at féedyng within a here breade.
Where I fed before in my deyntie diot.
‘Ye be hardie (quoth the flea) I deny not,
But how many life haue abydden by it?
Whan they would haue doone as fleas dooe, flie it.
With this the man to his necke his hand raught,
The flea fkypt away, but the loufe he caught.
How now (quoth the flea.) Alas (quoth the loufe)
My head is well ferued to ferue for fowfe:
That thus like a fowfe head, forfaw not this gréefe,
Tyll feelyng hath put péinfull practife in préefe.
Of him that forgot his pater nofier
in latine. 49.
An olde homely man at thrift commaundid
By his Curate his pater nofer to bid.
After long ftudie, he faide: Mafter vicker,
By Iys cham a fhamd, my wyt is no quicker.
Ich faid it within littell more then fortnight.
And now, lyke a beaft, cha forgote it quight.
Fye on age. In youth Ich had euer fuche wit,
That what fo ever Ich had to dooe, yit
At fhrift chad my pater nofier evermore,
Whan Iche faide it not twife in the yere before.
Of him that could not learne his Pater
nofter in Englifhe. 50.
A man of the countrey fhriuen in Lent late,
(Accordyng to thiniuction) his curate
Bad him, the Pater nofter in englithe faie,
Iche can it not maifter (quoth he) by my faie.
Saie a péece of it (quoth he) though ye the reft mys,
Ich can not one woord of it (quoth he) by Tis.
And

108
of Epygrammes.

And yet mafter vickar, by gods facrament,
Cha iumbled about it euer fens laft lent.
And fome of it ich had in the clenfyng wéeke,
But now, whan ich fhould fay it, all is to féeke.
Well (quoth the prieft) if your wit be fo far decayde,
Say the Pater nofler, ye haue alway fayde.
Nay by the Maffe (fware he) if you will haue all tolde,
Cha fo grated on the new, cha forgot tholde.

Of the fift and the hart. 51.

One curft an others hart for a blowe in a fume,
Curfe not his hart (quoth one by) curfe his fift.
His hert (quoth he) to mine eare did not prefume,
But his hart to mine eare did his fift affift.

Sens eche lim muft frame in feate, as the hart lift,
Whan the hart willth any lym in any faute to fall.
No man blame any man, to blame the hart for all.

Of this woorde enough. 52.
A mery man by his maifter at mete fet.
Me thinkth (quoth the maifter) thou canft no drinke get.
Here is enough, though there be none faid hee:
Than art thou not drie. Yes fo moote I thee,
And faine would drinke. How be thy wordis true than ?
Thus : This woord exough twoo waies we may fkan.
Thone much enough, thother littell enough.
And here is littel enough. His maifter lough,
Callyng in his wife to difcant vpon this.
How faieft thou wife ? our man in this cafe is
Drie, and would drinke, and drinke nothyng nie him.
And yet proueth he drinke enough by him.
Sens he (quoth fhe) proueth drinke enough in ftore,
More then enough were waft. He getth no more.
Of table play. 53.
Wife, I will no more play at tables with thée:
When wée come to bearyng, thou begyleft mée,
O iij In

109
The fyrft hundred

In bearyng of thy men, while thou haft any,
Eche other cafte thou beareft a man to many.
The cocke and the hen. 54.
A cocke and his hen perchyng in the night,
The cocke at his houre crode loude as he might,
The hen heuy of flepe, praide the cock that he
Would leaue of his crowyng, but it would not be,
The hen faw the cock fticke to his tacklyng,
In hir treble voyce, fhe fell fo to cacklyng,
That the cocke praide hir, hir cacklyng to feace,
And he of his crowyng would hold his peace,
Nay chorle (quoth fhe) be fure, that will I not.
And for thy learnyng hencefoorth marke this knot.
Whan euer thou wouldeft féeme, to ouer crow mée,
Than will I furely ouer cakill thée.
Cheepenyng of a face of furre. 55.
Into a fkinners fhop, while his wife there wrought,
In haft ran a gentilman there to efpie.
A fayre face of fur, which he woulde haue bought.
What fur (quoth fhe) would your maifterfhip bie?
Harlots wombs (quoth he) know ye any nie?
Harlots wombs (forfooth) I haue none (quoth fhe)
But ye fhall haue knaues fhankes, méete as can be.
Biyng of fhowes. 56.
Whan I at the fhoemakers fhall thoes affay,
If they be to littell, they will ftretche (faith he)
If they be to muche, they will fhrinke ftreight way: ,
To long, to fhort, how narrow or wide they be,
All is one matter as he fhapth them to me.
For may he once get his fhooes on my féete,
Without laft or lingel his woordes make them meéete.
A fufpicion cleared. 57.
One to his fréende kiendly,

Gaue monicion friendly,
That

110
of Epygrammes.

That ill was reported
By one that reforted
To him: whom (as they thought)
Entifed him to nought.

He thanked him, and fayde,
My fréende, be not afraide.
The heryng of that foole
Setth me no whit to fchoole.
T here him, whan he lift.
And folow him whan me lift.

Of fpite. 58.

If there be any, as I hope there be none,
That would !éefe both his eies, to leefe his foe one,
Than feare I, there be many as the world gothe,
That would léefe one eie, to léefe their foes bothe.

Of the letter A. 59.

H, is worft among letters in the croffe row,
For if thou finde him other in thine elbow,
In thine arme, or leg, in any degrée,

In thy head, or téeth, in thy toe or knée,

Into what place fo euer H, may pike him,

Where euer thou finde ache, thou fhalt not like him.
Lil fliyng of idelneffe. 60.

If flight from idelneffe may be déemed.
Mayn meane to vertue beyng fled warely:
How maift thou than therby be eftéemed ?
Thou fléeft that vice not meanly nor barely,
But mainely : fcrupuloufly, and fo charely,
That in thée, er idelneffe fhalbe fpied,

Thou wilt yet rather be ill occupied.

A tounge and a clocke. 61.
Thy tong fhould be a clocke wife, had I gods power,
For than would it ftrike but once in one hower,
Yet

Itt
The fyrft hundred

Yet it might ren (quoth fhe) and ftrike er the time,
And fhould that clocke haue (as my tong hath) a chime?
I beyng fexten, might fet the clocke foorth foone,
To ftrike and chime. xij. twoo houres before noone.
A hearer of a fermon. 62.

What bring{t thou from the fermon Iacke? declare that.
Forfooth maifter (quoth he) your cloke and your hat,

I can thée good thanke Iacke. for thou art yet fped,

Of fomwhat in thy hande, though nought in thy hed.
A man without wit, firength, and

cunnyng. 63.
Thou art a wight to wonder at.

Thy head, for wit, fhowth thee a wat.

Thy bodie for ftrength fhewth thée a gnat.

Thy voyce for tune fheweth thée a cat.

Doo, fay, or fyng, in any what,

Thou art a minion marmfat.
fTow to wifhe. 64.

How may I haue thée Gill, whan I withe for thée?
Withe not for me Iacke, but whan thou maift haue mée.
This is a leffon Gill propre and pleafaunt.

For by thefe woordes this winning Iacke may auaunt,
Though Iacke be no nere Gill then Iacke was before,
Yet Iack is nere his wit, by gis, by ten {core.

A doubtfull demaunde of choife. 65.

If thou muft choofe Hodge, touchyng cockoldry,
Which wouldft thou choofe ? to know thy felf commonly
To be taken for one : and take thy felfe none,

Or to be taken for none, and take thy felf one?

The beft or worft of thefe twayne (Hew) tel me whiche

Claw wher it doth f{mart, or tikell, where it doth itche?
I know {mall difference herein, Hodge brother,

And I (Hugh) know as littell in the tother.

112
of Epigrammes.

An olde widower and a young mayde. 66.

A widower riche, with riueld face old,

Wooyng a fayre yong woman, his minde he told.

Boftyng what he had, as wowers doe, that can,

Wherin he bofted of a goodly yong man.

A fon of his owne, whome god had him fent,

Of condicions and qualitees excellent,

In this whot wooyng this old mans behauour

So far foorth had won this yong womans fauour,

That in fhort tale, whan his long tale was don,

She prayd him to go home, and fend hir his fon.
Gapyng Oyfters. 67.

On whom gape thine Oyfters fo wide, oy{terwife ?
Mine Oyfters gape on you fir, god faue your life.
Wherfore gape they? Sir they gape for promocion.
They hope (to promote them) you haue deuocion.
Nay (quoth he) the perill were pernicious,

To promote oyfters, that be ambicious.
The Iudge and the Tuggler. 68.

To a iuftice a iuggler did complaine
Of one, that difpraifed his liger demaine.

Whats thy name (fayd the iuftice) Daufon faid hée.
Is thy father aliue? Nay, dead fir pardée.
Than thou fhalt no more be Daus fon, a clere cafe,
Thou art Daw thy felf now, in thy fathers place.

: Of lookyng. 69.

To faue mine head, whan I vpward caft mine eie,
And looke not to my féete : to the ground fall I,
Whan I looke downeward to my féete, to take héede,
A tile falne from a houfe makth my hed bléede.
And looke I right foorth, betwéene my féete and hed,
Broken head, breke necke falls, of both I am fped.

I thinke it as good, by ought I can deuife,
To be ftarke ftaryng blinde, as thus to haue eies.
P Of

113
The fyrft hundred

Of conftancie. 70.

Some fay, thou art inconftant, but I fay nay,
What though thy wit be wauryng euery way?
Whofe wit like the winde hath been wauryng euer,
And in vnftedy wauryng doth perfeuer,

A conftant man I affirme him conftantly,
For he is conftant in inconftancy.
Of a face and a witte. 71.

In thy youth and age thefe properties are fprong,
In youth thy face was olde, in age thy wit is yong.

Of blowyng. 72.
What winde can there blow, that doth not fome man pleafe?
A fart in the blowyng doth the blower eafe.
To the flatterer. a2.

Thy flatteryng of me, this foloweth thervpon:
Other thou art a foole, or els I am one.

Where flattrie aperth, at leaft, by wyfe mens fchoole
The flattrer, or the flattred, is a foole.
Of contentacion. 74.

Is not the poore man riche, that is contented ?
Yes: riche by his contentacion confented.

Is not the riche man poore, that is not content?

Yes : poore by lacke of contentacion here ment.

Than riches and pouertee in mens mindes lie.

Ye: but we may far fooner learne (thinke I)

To thinke our felues riche, hauyng no riches nie,

Than make our felues riche, hauyng much riches by.
Of waytyng. 75.

I would fee a man waite to his maifters minde,

As the weathercock waiteth on the winde,

Blow it here or there, blow it low or hie,

The weathercockis beke is ftill in the windis eie.
Of fore knowlage. 76.

Foreknowlage of thingis that muft fall
To

114
of Epigrammes.

To man, I thinke it were not bett.
The fore knowne ill to man, would call
- Fore felt gréefe, of fore knowne vnreft.
By foreknowen good to man were feft
Swéete fodain ioy, which euermore
Comth, whan ioyes come vnknowne before.
The fame impungned without chaunge of
wordes, except foure or fiue.

Foreknowlage of thinges that muft fall
To man, I thinke it were the beft,

The fore knowen il to man, would call

Digeftion, of fore knowen vnrett,

By fore knowen good to man, were feft

Diftemperate ioy, whiche euermore

Comth, whan ioyes come vnknowne before.
Miftakyng an errand. 77.

Feaftyng a freend, the feafter (whofe man did waite)
Bad him at the laft courfe, fetche the clouted conceite.
What bringft thou here knaue (quoth he) what haft y doone?
T haue (quoth his man) brought here your clouted fhoone.
Clouted fhoone carterly knaue, what doft thou dreame?
Eate thou the clouted fhoone, fetche vs the clouted creame.

Of holdyng an Inne. 78.

Beyng holden in Newgate, thou canft not bée
An inholder, for thine Inne holdeth thée.

A wiues defence of hir beetill
brow. 79.

Were I to wed againe wife, I make a vow,
I would not wed a wife with a beetill brow.

And I (quoth fhe) rather would a hufband wed
With a béetill brow, than with a béetell hed.

The fhrewde wiues tounge. 80.

A dog dame ruleth in degree
Aboue a diuell with thee:

P ij At

115
The forft hundred

At left fower winde a dog letth fle,
Thy nofe will ftopped bee:
But no deuils word may make decree
To ftoppe thy toung I fee,

Sens thou aperft to be (quoth fhe}
A dogged deuill to mee,
To tame thy deuillith propertee,
My tounge fhall ftill be free.

A fooles tounge. 8r.

Vpon a fooles prouocacion
A wife man will not talke:
But euery light inftigacion
May make a fooles toung walke.

Of glas and lattife. 82.

Where glafiers and lattife makers worke in fight,
This one difference in their twoo feates wée finde:
Glas kéepeth out the winde and letth in the light,
Lattife kéepeth out the light and letth in the winde.
Of both fortis I wifhe, whan I fhall with any,
Lattife makers few, and glafiers many.

Two wiffhers for two maner of
mouthes. $3.

I wifthe thou hadft a littell narrow mouth wife,
Littell and littell to droppe out wordis in ftrife.
And I wiffhe you fir, a wide mouth for the nonce,
To fpeake all that euer you fhall fpeake at once.

Of difpraife. 84.

All men muft be blinde and deafe er thou prayfe win.

For no man feeth or herth ought to prayfe thée in.
A difcharge from hipocrifie. 85.
Thou art no birde of hipocricife broode.

For thou fléeft all thingis, that might fhew thée goode.
Of

116
of Epigrammes.

Of the foole and the gentlemans
nofe. 87.
One gentilman hauyng an other at meate,
That gueft hauyng a nofe deformd foule and great.
The foole of that houfe, at this tyme ftandyng by,
Fell thus in hand with that nofe fodeinly.
Nofle autem, a great nofe as euer I fawe.
His mafter was wroth, & cride henfe with that dawe.
One faide : talke no more of great nofes ye foole,
Left ye be talkt withall in the whippyng fchoolle.
The foole warnd of great nofes no more to fpeake,
To mend that faut, this way thefe woords did breake.
Saide I, this is a foule great {pittell nofe?
Byr lady I lyed, it is a fayre littell nofe.
Will not that foole be had hence (quoth the mafter ?)
Thou wilt foole (quoth one) by walkt with a wafter,
If thou fpeake of any nofe great or {mall.
The foole at thyrd warnyng, mindyng to mend all,
Stept to the boord againe criyng as he gofe,
Before god and man, that man hath no nofe.
The foole was feakt for this : but what of that ?
The great faute here to note, he amended nat:
Whiche is this : not the wife, but the foole ye fée,
In clokyng of one faute, makth fautes two or thrée.
A foole taken for wife. 87.
Wifdome and foly in thée (as men fcan)
Is as it were a thyng by it felfe foole:
Among fooles thou art taken a wife man,
And among wyfe men, thou art knowne a foole.
Thinges to forbeare. 88.
Difpleafures that fume and fret
Good to forgeue and forget.
All othes, what whan, and where,
Better forbeare, than forfweare.
P iij Other

117
The fyrft hundred

Other mens liuyngis all,
As good forfteale as forftall,
Not at bottom but at brynke,
Better forefée, than forthinke.
Of medlars. 89.

To féede of any frute at any feaft,
Of all kindis of medlers, meddell with the leaft.
Meddle not with great medlers. For no queftion,
Medlyng with great medlers, makth yll digeftion.

Of dwelling. go.

Betwene Ludgate and Newgate thou canft dwell neuer,

For in Ludgate or Newgate thou muft dwell euer.
Of the Milner and the Sexten. Ol.

The milner tolth corne, the fexten tolth the bell,
In whiche tollyng, tollers thriue not a lyke well.
Thon tolth with the clapper, thother in the hopper.
Thone fauerth of fyluer, thother foundeth of copper.

Of bookes and cheefe. 92.

No two thinges in all thinges can {éeme onely one:
Becaufe two thingis fo, muft be one thing alone.
How be it readyng of bookes and eatyng of chéefe,
No two thingis for fome thingis, more like one then théefe.
The talent of one cheefe in mouthes of ten men,
Hath ten different tafts in iudgement moft times when.
He faith tis to falt, he faith tis to frefhe,
He faith, tis to hard, he faith tis to nefhe.
It is to ftrong of the rennet, faith hée.
It is faith he, not ftrong enough for mée.
It is faith an other, well as can bée.
No two of any ten in one can agrée.
And as they iudge of chéefe, fo iudge they of bookes.
On lookers on whiche, who that narowly lookes.
Maie looke for this : Seith he, that booke is to long.
Tis to fhort faith he, Nay, faith he, ye fay wrong,

Tis

118
of Epigrammes.

Tis of méete length, and for fine phrafe or faire ftile:
The like that booke was not made a good whyle:
And in touchyng the truth inuincibly wrought.

Tis all lies, faith a nother, the booke is nought.

No booke, no chéefe, be it good, be it bad.

But prayfe and difpraife it hath, and hath had.

Of heades. 93.

Some heades haue taken two headis better then one:
But ten heads without wit, I wene as good none.

The woodcocke and the daw. 94.

A woodcocke and a dawe fet vpon a playne,
Both fhewde comparifon eche other to difdaine.
Back (quoth the woodcocke) : Straw for the (quoth the dawe)
Shall woodcocks kepe dawes now in dredfull awe?
None awe (quoth the woodcocke) but in behauour
Ye ought to reuerence woodcocks, by your fauour.
For what caufe (quoth the daw ?) For your long bils?
Nay (quoth the woodcocke) but lords will by their wils
Rather haue one woodcock, than a thoufand dawfe.
Woodcocks are meate, daws ar carren, wey this claufe.
In déede fir (faide the daw) I muft néedes agrée,
Lords loue to eate you, and not to eate mée.
Caufe of dawes curtefis, fo, if woodcocks thus gather.
Ye fhall haue curtfy : For this I would rather.
Be a daw, and to woodkock curtefy make:
Than be a woodcocke, and of dawes curtefy take.
I were double a daw, had I not leuer,
Byrders fhould (in their byrdyng endeuer)
Take vp gins, and let me go, whan they geat mee,
Than fet gins to get me, for lordes to eate mée.

Of few woordes. 95:
Few woords fhew men wife, wife men doe deuife,
Whiche is oft tyme true, and oft otherwife.
In

119
The fyrft hundred

In fome cafe filence may as ftifly ftand
With folly, as with wifdome, wifely fcand:

Wottyng and weenyng. 096.

Wottyng and wéenyng, were thofe two thingis one,
Who could wot him felfe wife like thée, I wene none.

Otherwife.

I would geue the beft fardell in my packe,
To be as wife as thou weneft thou art Iacke.
And to be as wife as I wot thou art,
What would I geue troweft thou ? what? not a fart.

A much like matter. 97.

Tom, thou thinkft thy felfe wife, ye what of that Hew?
Thou thinkft thy felfe wyfer then I. Ye tom, trew.
It féemth (faid a third man) by this deuife,
No maiftry for fooles, to wéene them felues wife.

Wifedome and foly. 98.

Thy wifedome and foly both, nay no one
Can be conteined in volumes great nor fmall.
Thy wifedome beyng none, occupieth place none,
Thy folly beyng all, occupieth place all.

Of lacke. 99.

One lacke of late in thée faw wée,
Whiche lackth not now, for this we fée,
Thou haft lackt lacke of honeftée:

But now that lacke lackth not in thée.
The

120
of Epigrammes.

The weathercocke, the reede,
and the wynde. 100.

The wethercocke and the réede comparyng late,
Their feruice done to the wynde, fel at debate.
The wynde (quoth the weathercock) windth no where,
But ftreight bolt vpryght I ftand waityng there.
Forfooth faid the réede & where the wynd is found,
At euery blaft I bow downe to the ground.
Surely faid the wynde, the waytyng of the tone,
And curtefie of the tother I take both one.
And none of both good but rather yll to me:
For whan I oft in corners fecrete would be,
Other the crooked curtfy of the réede,
Or weathercockes waytyng, bewraith me with fpéede.
As liefe is to me, in fuch feruyng pretence
Single negligence, as double diligence.
The weathercocke and the réede, beynge both blanke,
Ech told him felfe, much feruice haue fmall thanke.

FINIS. Q

120
 
FOThnee hundzed Ept-
grammes, bpon
theee bunded
peouerbes,

Jnuented and made by
John Hepwood.

LONDINI.
1562,

123
Fa The Table of this booke.

F amendment.
Waggyng of beards.
Of haft.
Breakyng of fquare.
Lookyng and leapyng.
Weddyng and hangyng.
Of delay.
Of wittes.
No lacke in loue
Of homely home.
Geuyng and takyng
Tacke and Gill.
Of the ende of a wit
Of bought wit
Of haft and waft.
Makyng of malt.
Of an akyng eye.
what thing beggers chufe.
Of robbyng.
Of néede and law.
Of beginning and ending.
Of grace.
Of fore prouifion
Of faying and doing.
Of treadyng on a worme.
Of eafe in an Inne.
How to proue a fréende.
Vnwife weddyng.
Sumthyng and nothing.
The fleapyng dog.
Of hap.
Of fight and minde.
Of mirth with wifdome.

SN Ow wo

Of holding of a nofe. 34.
An eye fore. 35.
Of rekenyng. 36.
Settyng vp a candell. 37.
Of cloudes and wether. 38.
Of makyng and marryng, 39.
Of birdes and byrders., 40.
Of forowes. 41.

Of féedyng and teachyng. 42.
Of fufferaunce. 43.
Of him that fet his hande on

his money. 44.
Of a horfe coriyng. 45.
Of fhame. 46.

A lordes harte and a beggers

purs. 47.
Of forgettyng. 48.
Of the heart and the héele. 49
Praife of a man aboue a horfe

50.

Of wéepyng. 51.
Of twoo falfe knaues, 52.
A hart in a hofe. 53
Of créepyng and going. 54.
Of flotyng and fiéeting. 55.
A man at an ebbe. 56.
Sight in a milftone. 57.
Of throwyng. 58.
Of ftore. 50.
Of one in prifon. 60.
Saynétes and deuils. 61.
Of botchyng. 62.
Of a yeres fayre. 63.
Of

124
The table.

Of a cap and a hed. 64. VS. 96.
A thefe that hath no felow 65. Ofharpyng ona ftring. 97.
Falfe meafures. 66. A loffe by the diuels death. 98.
Of cleane fweeping. 67. Of a fhéepes eye. 99.
Turnyng of tippets. 68. Of rule. 100.
Of theft and receyte. 69. Of blynde bayard. iol.
Of woorke and play. 7o. Of the fpinfters thrift. 102.
Of a peinéted fheath. 71. Of defneffe. 103.
The hare and the hound. 72. Of a good horfe. 104.
Of beggers fyngyng. 73. Of waies to the wood. 105.
Of two faces. 74. Ofoney maie foone améd. 106.
Of beggynge. 75. An yll hearer. 107.
Of nothyng. 76. Ofa good face. 108.
Of ventring. 77. A tharpe thorne, 109.
Of fhalbe and fhal not be. 78. Cummyng and goyng. 110.
The blacke oxe. 79. The better cumth feelde. 111.
Of brydlyng. 80. One driueth out an other. 112.
Mendyng and payring. 81. Of burden. 113.
Of runnyng without tur- Runnyng and goyng. 114.
nynge. 82, A lacke of tooles. 115.
Biyng a pyg. 83. Taft of a mans tales 116,
Hungry flies, 84. Ofa cattes looke. 117.
Of louying a dog. 85. Of matters not laid a water
Of precious ftones. 86. 118,
Of yll and good winde. 87. One put out of a créede. 119.
Of footh boord. 88. All that maie be won of the
Of tales tolde in the eare. 809. foxe. 120.
Of goyng. go. The furetie of fome feale. 121.
Of néede. gt. The hares goyng away. 122,
Takyng hart of graffe. 92. Iudgement of colours. 123.
Of nothyng and althing. 93. Hap and wit. 124.
Couetyng and lofyng. 94. Fortune and fooles. 125.
Of the march hare. 95. Of lofers woordes. 126.
How god will not do for Gettyng and fpending. 127.
0 iij Mefure

125
Meatfure.

Goyng beyond the wall.

Of harme.

Wit kepte by warmth.

The table.

128.
129.
130.
131.

Light comyng and goyng. 132.

Of kiffyng.
Of leaue.
God in the almery.

The deuil in the horologe.

The beft.

The worft.

Laftyng of wonder.
The galde hors.

133.
134
135.
136.
137.
138,
139.
§40.

Good beginnyng and ende. 141

The ftill fowe.
Of ftumblyng.

Of the flioe and the fole.

Might and right
Byrth and teaching.
Of hanging.

An old knaue.

A mans heare & his hed.

Gaynes and loffes,

Théeues faulyng out.

Of a fhorne face.
A benche whitftler.

What god fayd to one.
Bowyng and breakyng.

Of wreftlyng
God and the church.

142.
143.
144.
145.
146,
147.
148
149.
150
151.
152.
153.
154
155.
156.
157.

Of one tale in al men told. 158

Of Malkin.
Rafhe ventryng.
A fcabd hors.

159.
160.
161,

126

Of fitting

Ale and wit.
Of reftitucion.
Eatyng of flies.

Of the foxes preachyng,
Of poore mens foules

Promife of fcilence.
Of little faying..
Of the tyde.

Praife of good ende.

Of hearyng and iudging.

A leffon for looking
Of a womans liues.

The crow cauled white.

Of the olde foole.
Of a beane.
The gift of a pigs

Chaunge and robbery.

Of fayre wordes,
Of laughyng.
Of féekyng.

Of a hed vnder a girdel. _

Of wide fhootyng.
The fooles bolte
Of a marchaunt.
Of tounge.

Of fpéeche

A bufy body.

Of time.

Of far caftyng

Of hunger.

Of feedyng

Of Mortemers fowe
Of fleabytyng.

162,
163.
164.
165,
166,
167,
168.
169.
170.
171,
172.
173.
174.
175.
176,
177,
178.
179.
180,
181.
182,
183,
184,
185,
186,
187,
188,
189.
190,
Igl.
192.

193.

194.
195.
The
The table.

The Bréecheleffe matter.
Meate and fauce.

Of proferde feruice.
Of common medlers,
Of inough and a feaft.
Of plaine fafhyn.

Of him that cumth laft.
Of fteyning

Of fittyng

Of writing to fréendes.
Of great clarkes.

Of killyng.

Of falfhed.

Of bléedyng

Of féeyng.

Of iys.

Of pepper.

Of an ill ftake.

Of fuffrans.

Of mifrecknyng.

Of euin recknyng

Of takyng,

Of mum.

Of ftoppyng a mouth
Of caftyng

Of Tack.

Of the winkyng cat
Of faying nay

Of the pie and crow
Of faiyng nought but mii.
Of toung and wit.

Of owne

Of fpinnyng.

Of laughyng.

196.
197.
198.
199.
200.
201.
202.
203.
204.
205.
206.
207.
208.
2009.
210,
211.
212.
213.
214.
215.
216.
217.
218.
210.
220.
221.
222.
223.
224.
225

226.
227.
228.

229.

Of playing.

Of the winde blowyng.
Of far and ny.

Of thinftep.

Of {mall and great.

Of the keyfe

Of prouender

Of fum here and there

Of the parfons lemman.

Of ill wéede

Of fpeaking

Of good fyluer

Of the proude cocke.
Of fat in the fyre.
Of bow bent.

Of gods beyng.

Of kynffolke

Of fréendfhip

Of nothing

Of pouertée.

Of eares glowyng.
Of poft and piller.
Of may be

Of vfe.

Of fpurning

Of the tiyng the bel
Of had I wift.

Of daunfyng.

Of the cats eatyng fifh.
Of the blinde

Of the worft and beft.
Of fiue egges.

Of clymyng.

Of the wey.

127

230.
231.
232.
233.
234
wat.
236.
237.
238.
239.
240.
241,
242.
243.
244.
245.
246.
247.
248.
249.
250.
251.
252.
25 3.
254.
255.
256.
257.
258.
259.
260.
261.
262,
263.
OF
The table.

Of wayting. 264. Of faft bindyng. 283,
Of Ryme. 265. Of hap. 284.
Of fiifhyng. 266. Of time. 285,
Of good. 267 Of the fat hogge. ° 286,
Of the whot Irons. 268. Of bale and boote. 287,
Of the purffe. 269. Of fowes. 288,
Of many hands. 270. Of makyng a croffe. 289,
Of the lothe ftake 271. Ofa pad 290,
Of hauyng. 272, Of long ftandyng. 2gI.
Of counfell. 273. Of the weake. 292.
Of Rome. 274. Of catchyng. 293.
Of fpéech. 275. Of holding. 204.
Of one had in the winde. 276. Of knowlege. 295.
Of one ill fhod 277. Of fmellyng 2096,
Of all and nought. 278. Of nought leyd downe. 297.
Of warnyng 279. Of fight of fare. 208.
Of byrdes flowne 280. Of the pot not broken — 299.
Of leauyng 281. Of late and neuer. 300.
Of fettyng in foote. 282.
FINIS.

128
“]Epigrammes vpon prouerbes.

Of amendment. 1.

F euery man mende one, all fhall be mended.
] This meane to amendment, is now intended.
For though no man looke to mend him felf brother:
Yet eche man lookth to controll and mend other.

Wagging of beardes. 2.
It is mery in hall when beardes wagge all.
Hufband for this, thefe woordes to minde I call:
This is ment by men, in their mery eatyng:
Not to wag their beardes in brawlyng and threatyng.
Wyte, the meanyng herof, differth not twoo pins,
Betwéene waggyng of mens beardes and womens chins.
Of hafte. 3.
The haftie man wanteth neuer woo.
In haftie women not euer foo.
With fuffring hufbandis hafty wiues,
Haue oft we fée, full mery liues.
Breakyng of fquare. 4.
An inche breakth no {quare : which fins thou haft hard tell,
Thou doeft affay how to breake fquare by an ell.
Otherwife.
Aninchebreakth nofquare: thou breakft none, thoughit doo.
Thou rather bringft fquare thé break{ft fquare betweene too.
Lookyng and leapyng. 5.
Looke er thou leape, nay thou canft in no wife brooke.
To looke er thou leape, for thou leapft ere thou looke.
Weddyng and hanging. 6.
Weddyng and hangyng, are defteny I fée.
Weddyng or hangyng, which is beft, fir (quoth fhée ?)
Forfooth good wife, hangyng I thinke beft (quoth hée)
So helpe me god, good hufband, fo thinketh mée.
Oh how like lambes, man and wyfe here agrée.
R Of

129
Lpigrammes

Of delay. 7.
He that will not when he may,
When he would he fhall haue nay.
But to that nay, nay I fay:
If of my wife I delay,
To take fhroude woordes : yet that ftay
Stayth them not from me next day.
Of wittes. 8.
So many heades, fo many wittes, nay nay.
We fée many heades, and no wittes fome day.
Vo lacke in loue. 9.
In loue is no lacke, true I dare be borowe.
In loue is neuer lacke, of ioy or forowe.
Otherwyfe.
In loue is no lacke, no in no wooyng day.
But after weddyng day, lets here what ye fay.
Of homely home. 10.
Home is homely, yea.and to homely fometyme.
Where wiues footeftooles, to their hufbandes heads clime.
'Geuyng and takyng. 11.
Better giue then take, all fay, but fo thinke none:
All thinke better take. xx. poundes, then giue one.
lacke and Gill, 12.
All fhalbe well, Iacke fhall haue Gill:
Nay nay, Gill is wedded to wyll.
Of the ende of awit. 13.
Thou art at thy wits ende, which I wonder in
To fe a wit at ende before it begin.
Of bought wit. 14.
Wit is neuer good, till it be bought:
Thy wit is dere bought, and yet ftarke nought.
Otherwy/fe.
Wit is neuer good till it be bought Will.
Tacke, to bie or fell that ware, fooles can no fkill.
Hafte

130
upon prouerbes,

Of hafte and wafte. 15.

Hafte makth wafte : which perceiued by flouth,

Slouth will make no hafte, he fwerth by his trouth.
Makyng of malte. 16.

Soft fire maketh fwéete malte, as malt makers tel:
Then to make fwéete malte, fire is to rafhe in hel.
Wherby fins in hell no good ale is to fel,

Drie drunken foules can not lyke in hell to dwel.
Of an akyng eye. 17.
Better eye out, then alway ake:
In rage of ache, true as I fpake:
But in meane ache, meanely to mone,
Better an akyng eye then none.
What thing beggers choofe. 18.

Beggers fhould be no choofers, but yet they will:

Who can bryng a begger from choyfe to begge ftill ?
Of robbyng. 19.
Rob Peter and pay Poule, thou fayft I do:
But thou robft and poulft Peter and Poule to.
Of neede and law. 20.

Néede hath no law: in fome cafe in very déede.
Neede hath no law: and yet of law we haue neede.
Of beginnyng and endyng. 21.
Of a harde beginning, comth a good endyng:
Truth, on this terme is not alway dependyng.
Some hardely begin, by the féete to fit faft:
That ende with harde hangyng, by the neckes at laft.
Of grace. 22.
In fpace comth grace, I graunt grace may come in fpace:
But in rule, by thy rule neuer looke for grace.
Of fore prouifion. 23.
Who fo that knew what would be dere,
Should néede be marchaunt but one yere.
Rij But

131
Lpigrammes

But thou haft knowen yeres, twoo or thrée:
That good condicions woulde in thée
Both dere and deintely be growen:
And yet for all this, thus fore knowen,
To warne thée of good fore prouifion,
Thou haft not now one good condicion.
Of faiyng and doyng. 24.
Saying and doyng, are twoo thinges, we fay:
But thy fayinges and doynges euery way,
Toyne iumpe in one thy woordes and déedes procéede:
But thou art good, nother in woorde nor déede.
Of treadyng on a worme. 25.
Treade a worme on the tayle, and it turneth agayne:
But thou tredf{t on the wormes head, that to reftrayne.
Of cafe in an Inne. 26.
Thou takeft thine eafe in thine Inne, fo nie thée:
That no man in his Inne, can take eafe by thée.
Otherwyfe.
Thou takeft thine eafe in thine Inne, but I fée:
Thine Inne takth nother eafe, nor profit by thée.
Flow to proue a freende. 27.
Proue thy fréende er thou néede, that canft thou no way:
For without néede of thy fréende thou art no day.
Vuwife weddyng. 28,~
Who wedth ere he be wife, fhall die ere he thriue.
Then fhalt not thou be wedded and riche aliue.
Some thyng and nothyng. 29.
Some thyng is better then nothyng.
In fome thyng I graunt this othyng:
In fome I deny : for I fée
As good haue nothyng, as haue thée.
The fleapyng dogge. 30.
It is ill wakyng of a fleapyng dogge.
So thinke many, namely the wrotyng hogge.
It

132
upon Prouerbes.

Of hap. 31.
It hapth in an houre that hapth not in. vii. yéere.
That hapth this houre wife, for thou makft me good chéere.

Of fight and mynde. 32.
Out of fight out of minde, this may run right:
For all be not in mynde, that be in fight.

Of mirth with wifdome. 33.
Tis good to be mery and wyfe:
How fhall fooles folow that aduyfe?
Of holding of a nofe. 34.
Thou canft hold my nofe to the gryndftone:
So can not I thine, for thou haft none.

An eye fore. 35.
It is but an eie fore, but an eye fore, fye
That eye fore is as yll as any fore eye.
Of recknyng. 36.
Recknyng without thine hofte thou muft recken twyfe:
Maie not my hoftes difapoint that deuife ?

Setiyng up acandell. 37.
To fet vp a candell before the deuyll.
Dym fyghted deuyls, I déeme, déeme it not euyll.

Of cloudes and weather. 38.

After clouds blacke, we fhall haue wether cléere: °
And after wether cléere, we fhall haue cloudes blake:
Now whot, now colde, now fayre, now foule appéere:
As wether cléerth, or cloudth, fo muft men take.

Of making and marryng. 39.

Make or mar I wyll, fo faift thou euer:
But thou dooft euer marre, thou makit neuer.

Of byrdes and byrders. 40.

Better one byrde in hande, then ten in the wood.
Better for byrders, but for byrdes not fo good.

R ij Make

133
Epigrammes

Of forowes. Al.
Make not two forowes of one, if thou can:
Left makyng of two forowes, marre one man.
Of feedyng and teaching. 42.
Thou art better fed then taught, I vnder take:
And yet art thou fkyn and bone, leane as a rake.
Of fuffrance. 43.
Of fuffrance comth eafe : how fhall I know that, wyfe?
I haue fuffred the, without eafe, all my lyfe.
Of him that fet his hand on his money. 44.
Thy hand is on thy halfepeny, and muft Iohn:
For thou haft no more coine to fet thy hand on.
Of a hovfe coriyng. 45.
A fhorte hors is foone coride, thatis to wéete,
When fhort hors, and fhort coriers doo méete.
Of frame. 46.
Shame take him that fhame thinkth, for thou doft thinke non.
Thou art to far paft fhame, fhame to thinke on.
A lordes hart and a beggers purfe. 47.
There is nothing in this world that agréeth wurfe,
Then doth a lordes harte and a beggers purfe,
And yet as yll as thofe two do agrée,
Thou canft not bryng them a funder to bée.
Of fergettyng. 48.
The paryfhe prieft forgeth, he was paryfhe clarke:
And the perfon forgeth, he was parifhe pryfte.
But prieft, clarke, and no clarke, all, who wyll marke,
To forget what we were, fhall fée vs entyfte.
Of the harte and the heele. 49.
Shall I fet at my hart, that thou fettft at thy héele?
Nay, a hart in a héelde hofe, can neuer do wéele.
Otherwyfe.
Shall I fet at my harte that thou fetft at thy héele?

Nay, how euer kybde héeles doo, kybd hartis do not weele.
A man

134
upon Prouerbes.

Praife of a man aboue a horfe. 50.
A man may well leade a horfe to the water:
But he can not make him drinke without he lift.
T praife the aboue the horfe, in this mater:
For I leadyng the to drynke, thou haft not mift
Alway to be ready without refiftens
Both to drinke, and be drunke, ere thou were led thens.
Of weeping. 51.
Better children wéepe then olde men, fay wyfe men.
But olde men wéepe when children laugh, now and then.
Of two falfe knaues. 52.
Two falfe knaues néede no broker : but it is néede
That brokers breake falfe knaues felowfhyp with fpéede.
A hartinahofe. 53.
Thy hart is in thy hofe, which iayle is not ftronge,
Thy hofe are to full of holes, to kepe it longe.
Of creeping and goyng. 44.
Children muft learne to créepe ere they can go.
In the fpyttell, olde knaues learne to do fo.
Of flotyng and fleetyng. 55.
Thou art a flote thou wéenft, beyng in the fldete:
But flotyng and fiéetyng agree not there meete.
A man at an ebbe. 56.
Thou art at an ebbe in Newgate, thou haft wrong.
But thou fhalt be a flote at Tyburne ere long.
Syght ina mylfione. 57.
Thou féeft far in a mylftone : thanke God therfore.
Thou féeft in a milftone in nothing more.
Of throwyng. 58.
Throw no gyft againe at the gyuers hed:
Namely no gyfte of thy wyfe, geuen in checke.
If thou do, the rebounde may be fo red,
That the red bloud, may run downe in thy necke.
Store

135
Epigvrammes

Of fore. 59.

Store is no fore, yes, {tore may be a fore.
I thinke it a fore, of fores to haue ftore.
Of one in prifon. 60.
Thou art in by the wéeke, nay fyr I am here,
Not in by the wéeke, I am in by the yere.

Saintes and deuilles. 61.
Yong fainte, olde diuell : thers mo of woman kynde:
Then yong deuilles olde faintes, in mankynde as I fynde.

Of botching. 62.
God is no botcher, but when God wrought you twoo.
God wrought as like a botcher, as God might doo.
Of a yeres fayre. ©3.
The fayre laftth all the yere, but wyfe I tell thee,
In this yeres fayre, for fayre I can not fell thée.
I haue woorfe lucke (quoth fhe) and began to fcoule,
I can not fell thée there, for faire nor for foule.
Of acapandahead. 64.
Thy cappe is better at eafe then thy hed,
Betwene whiche twayne, might I at wifhe be fped,
To choofe one of the twayne, whiche I would fyrft craue,
Thy whole cap before thy ficke hed I woulde haue.
Otherwy/fe.
My cap is better at eafe then my hed.
Thy cap is better then thy hed, tis fed.
A theefe that hath no felow. 65.
Afke my felow whether I be a théefe,
No way, can that way, of thy theft make préefe:
Thou haft no felow in theft : to catche thée:
For there is no théefe (in thefte) can match thée.
falfe meafures. 66.
Thou fearft falfe meafures, which are thingis to feare fore:

But I feare falfe meafures, as much and more.
New

136
upon Prouerbes.

Of cleane fweepyng. 67.
Newe broome fwepeth cleane, which is thus vnderftande:
New broome fwepeth cleane, in the cleane fwepers hande.

Turnyng of typpettes. 68.
He hath turnd his tippet, that turne fhowth playne,
Our typpets haue ben turnd and turnd agayne.
Otherwyfe.
He hath turnd his typpet dyed it and dreft it,
Vpon the right fyde and feyre and playne preft it.
Otherwife.
He hath turnd his typpet and preft it fo clofe,
That for a turnd typpet it hath a fayre glofe.
Otherwife.
He hath turnd his typpet, lord how he prouydes,
Typpetts turnd dyed, fhorne, and worne bare on both fydes.
Otherwife.
He hath turnd his typpet, twyfe in my fyght:
Fyrft on the wronge fyde and laft on the right.
Otherwyfe.
He hath turned his typpet an honeft turnyng,
To turne his typpet and turne round for burnyng.
Otherwy fe.
He hath turned his typpet fhorne agaynft the wull ful,
And more againft his will then againft the wul.
Otherwyfe.
He hath turnd his typpet, that haue we turnd all.
Sum halfe turne, fum hole turne, turnd round as a ball.
Otherwyfe.
He hath turnd his typpet, ye for a while:
But might he turne agayne, lord how he wold fmyle.
Otherwyfe.
He hath turned his typpet, yet mo turns ye mocke,
But who doth weare his typpet a weathercock ?
S He

137
Epigrammes

Otherwyfe.
He hath turnd his typpet, now for a noueltée,
And for a noueltée wolde turne ftreyght ageyne he.
Otherwyfe.
He turnth his typpet, or his typpet turnth him,
But which turnth which, I fée not by fwéete faint Sym.
Otherwyfe.
He hath turnd his typpet,
For fymony a fyppet.
Otherwy fe.
He turnth his typpet, if that turnyng turne hym
Into the pulpyt, that turnyng is turnd trym.
Of theft and receite. 69.
Where are no receiuers, there are no théeues:
Where nought is to receiue, theues bryng no gréeues,
Of woorke and play. 70.
As good to play for nought, as to woorke for nought:
But thou wylt play for nought, and not woorke for ought.
Of a peinted fheathe. 71.
Thou makft much of thy peynted fheathe, and wylt do,
It hauynge not one good knyfe longyng therto. 2
The hare and the hound. 72. —
Holde with the hare and run with the hounde, run thare
As wight as the hounde, and as wyfe as the hare.
Of beggers fyngyng. 73.
Beggers fyng before théeues, but what of that?
When beggers fynge fo, theues fée nought to laugh at.
Of two faces. 74.
Thou bereft two faces in one whood:
Thou haft one yll face, both be not good.
Of beggyng. 75.
Thou begft at wrong doore, and fo haft begd longe:
Thy gettyng by beggyng, fhowth euery doore wrong.
Nothynge

138
upon Prouerbes.

Of nothing. 76.
Nothyng hath no fauer, which fauerles fhowe:
Shewth nothing better, then fum thyng that we knowe..

Otherwyfe.
Nothing hath no fauer, as yl is this othing:
Ill fauerd fumthing, as vnfauerd nothyng.
Of ventring. 77.
Nought venter nought haue, and ventryng of much,
May haue a lyttle, ventryng is now fuch.

Of fhalbe and fhall not be. 778.
That fhalbe, fhalbe. but all that fhulde bée:
Shall not be, nor hath bene, as far as I fée.

The blacke oxe. 79.
The blacke Oxe neuer trode on thy foote:
But the dun Affe hath trode on both thy féete.
Which Affe and thou, may féeme fproong of one roote:
For the affes pace, and thy pace are méete.
Of brydlyng. 80.
I wyll brydell the with rough byt wife. Quoth fhe,
_ , if thou wylt brydell me, I wyll fnafell the.
Mendyng and payryng. 81.
I will mende this houfe, and peyre another.
Ye, but when wylt thou mend thy felfe brother ?

Of runnyng without turnyng. 82.

He runth far, that neuer turnth againe : nay nay,

Though the {nayle neuer turne, he runth no far way.
Bing a pyg. 83.

I will neuer bye the pyg in the poke:

Thers many a foule pyg in a feyre cloke.
Hungry flies. 84.
Hungry flies byte fore, which fhall byte vs euer.
For without hungry flies, we fhalbe neuer.
S ij Loue

139
Epigrammes

Of louyng a dog. 85.
Loue me, loue my dog: by loue to agrée,
I loue thy dog, as well as I loue thée.
Of precious fones. 86.
Folly to caft precious ftones before hogs Hewe,
Hodge, except they be precious hogs thou fayft trewe.
Otherwy/fe.
Caft precious ftones before hogs, caft {tones to hogs nay,
But precious ftones haue ben geuen to hogs fome fay.
Of yll and good wynde. 87.
It is an yll wynde, that blowth no man to good:
And lyke good wynde, that blowth no man yll.
But fearynge yll wyndes, olde men moft tymes ftood.
Out of all extreme wyndes vnder the hyll.
Of footh boorde, 88.
Sooth boorde, is no boorde : footh boorde foundeth yll,
In falfe fayre flattryng boorde : boorde as ye wyll.
Of tales tolde in the eave. 809.
In at the tone eare and out at the tother.
If tales tolde the, go in and out fo brother,
Then the trauell of thofe tales fhewe much woonder:
Thy two eares be two hundred myle a funder.
Of goyng. 90.
The further we go, the further behynde.
Méete footemen to go with crabbes, in my mynde.
Otherwy fe.
The further I go, the further behynde.
Stande ftill foole, tyll thou better footyng fynde.
Of neede. Ql.
Néede makth tholde wyfe trot : is fhe a trotter now?
Gallop yonge wyues, fhall tholde trot, out trot you?
Takyng hart of graffe. 92.
Thou takeft hart of graffe wyfe, not hart of grace.

Cum graffe, cum grace, fyr, we grafe both in one place.
Where

140
upon prouerbes,

Of nothyng and althing. 93.
Where nothing is, a little thyng doth eafe.
Where al thyng is, nothyng can fully pleafe.
Couetyng and leefing. 94.
All couet, all loofe : this comth oft in vre.
But nought haue, nought loofe : this is euer fure.
Of the marche hare. 95.
As mad as a marche hare : where madnes compares:
Are not midfomer hares, as mad as march hares?
How god will not do for vs. 96.
Euery man for him felf, and god for vs all:
God will not feale that writing, write it who fhall ?
Of harping on a firing. 97.
Harpe no more on that ftrynge, for it ftandth to hie:
And foundeth as bafely as a halter, wel nie.
A loffe by the deuils death. 98.
The deuill is dead, then haft thou loft a fréende.
In all thy doinges, the deuill was at tone ende.
Otherwife.
The deuill is dead, one deuill is dead but wée fe:
Mo deuils left aliue, as ill or worfe then he.
Otherwife.
The deuill is dead, who fhall enherite his lande:
Inowe, the deuill hath left children a thoufande.
Otherwyfe.
The deuill is dead, who fhall his land rightly win,
Thou, for thou by condifhin, art next of kin.
Otherwife.
The deuill is dede, nay the deuill is in a fowne,
But the deuill reuiueth agayne, chil ley my gowne.
Otherwife.
The deuill is dead, what helpeth the death of the deuill,
The deuill hath heyres as ill as he, and more euill.
S iij He

14!
Lpigrammes

Of a fheepes tye. 99.
He caft a fhéepes eye at her: a ftraunge eye fpred,
To fe a fhéepes eye, looke out of a calues hed.

Of rule. 100.

Better rule, then be rulde: wife thy endeuer,

Hath fhewde thée to be rulde, by that rule euer.
Of blinde bayard. 101.

Who fo bolde as blinde bayerd : no beaft of trouth.
Wherof my bolde blinde bayerd, perfit proofe fhouth,
Both of his boldnes, and for his bolde blindnes,

By late occafion, in a caufe of kindnes:

A company of vs, rode in certaine grounde:

Where we welny, an impaffible flough founde.

Their horfes, ere they entred began to ftay.

Euery one horfe geuyng an other the way.

Of good manner as it were, and more and more,

Eche horfe gaue backe, to fet his better before.

Saue this rude ruftie, bolde blinde bayerd of mine,

As rafhely, as rudely, chopt foorth : and in fine,
Without any curtfie, ere any man bids:

Blindly and boldly, he lepte into the mids.

And looke how boldly, the mids he lept in till,

Euen with like boldnes, in the mids he lay ftill:

And trow you the Iade, at the beft mens wordes theare,
Woulde ftur one ioynte : nay not the breade of one heare.
But ftarde on them, with as bolde a countenaunce:

As that hole had ben his, by enheritaunce:

He hauyng no more to do there then had I.

But ftreight there cumth, a carteweare, of good hors by:
By force wherof, and helpe of all that rout,

Blinde bayerd and I, were drawen together out.

Which blinde boldenes, by this admonicion:

Except he amend in fome méete condicion,
Rather

142
upon prouerbes.

Rather then ride fo, I will a foote take payne,
Blynde bolde bayerd, fhall not thus beare me againe.
Of the [oinfiers thrift. 102.

Thus rideth the rocke. if the rocke be ridyng,
The fpinfters thrift, is fet a foote flidyng.
Of defenes. 103.
Who is fo deafe, as he that will not heare:
Not the deuill, till will draw his hearyng neare.
Of a good hors. 104.
It is a good hors, that neuer ftumbleth.
Then haue I a good hors, for my hors tumbleth.
And fauleth downe right, my hors ftumbleth neuer.
So well am I horft, and haue bin horft euer.
And fo loth to lend him, to féelde or townes éende.
That as foone fhall my fo ride him, as my fréende.
Of wates to the wood. 105.
There be mo wayes to the wood then one.
Of all good wayes to wood, thou gofte none.
Of one that may foone amend. 106.
He may foone amend, for he can not apeyre.
A good euidence to proue him the deuils heyre.
An il hearer. 107.
I can not heare on that fide, no, trueth to tell:
Of any fide, thou couldft neuer yet heare well.
Of a good face. 108.
I did fet a good face on the matter Ione,
Thou didft borow it then Bes, for thou haft none.
A Sharpe thorne. 109.
It prickth betimes, that fhalbe a fharpe thorne.
I wéene thou prickft wife, ere time thou were borne.
Commyng and goyng. 110.
As faft as one goth, an other cumth in vre.
Twoo buckets in a well, come and go fo fure.

But

143
Lpigrammes

But go or cum, who fhall, while all come and go:
Seldome cumth the better, praétife préeueth fo.

The better cumth feldome. 111.
Séeldome cumth the better, come or go who will,
One nayle driueth out an other, wée fe ftill.

One driueth out an other. 12.
One nayle driueth out an other, with ftrokes fo ftout:
That the hammer hed which driueth them, werth quite out.

Of burden. 113.
Light burden , far heuy : that dooft thou try.
A fether borne far, will tyre thée welnie.
Otherwife.
Light burden far heuy, borne for other men:
For our felues, heuy burdens light inough then.
Otherwife.
Light burden, far heuy, thy braine lacketh ftrength
To beare a pinte of wine, a payre of buttes length.
Otherwife.
Light burden, far heuy, thou dooft finde that lacke:
In all light good burdens, that lie on thy backe.
Otherwife. ,
Light burden, far heuy, how can lame folke proue,
Who in all their liues, their lengthes do not remoue.
Runnyng and goyng. 14.
He may ill run, that can not go:
He that fitth by the féete, finde fo.
A lacke of tooles. 115.
What is a workeman without his tooles.
How may bables be mift among fooles.
Taft of a mans tales. 116.
A tale of a tub, thy tales tafte all of ale.

Not of pefcod ale, fyr, my tales are not ftale.
A cat

144
vpon prouerbes.

Of a cattes looke. 117.
A cat may looke on a kyng, and what of that.
When a cat fo lookth : a cat is but a cat.

One put out of acreede. 118.
Thou maift be in my pater nofter in déede.
But furely thou fhalt neuer come in my créede.
I care not, though I do not, what can I win,
To come in a créede, whiche créede god is not in.

All that may be won of the fox. 119.
Wee can haue no more of the Fox but the fkin:
And the Foxe thinketh that , to much for vs to win.

The fuertie of fome feale. 120.
As fure as it were fealde with butter, for footh:
Sum butter feale laftth, as longe as fome waxe dooth.

The hares goyng away. 121.
There goth the Hare away, is fhe gone fay you?
Let her go, we hatie Hares, and hare heds ynou.

Ludgement of colours. 122.
Blinde men fhould iudge no coloures : fhould they nat?
Blinde men will iudge all colours, for all that.
flap and wit. 123.
Better be happy then wife, here art thou hit,
Thy hap hath euer ben better, then thy wit.
Otherwyfe.
Better be happy then wyfe, not fo, fum fay:
He that can be wife, fhalbe happy, fay thay.

Of fortune to fooles. 124.
God fendth fortune to fooles, not to euery chone:
Thou art a foole, and yet fortune thou haft none.
Otherwyfe.
God fendth fortune to fooles, and to wife men ftill.
God fendth good fortune, or the deuill fendth ill.
T Let

145
Lpigrammes

Of loofers wordes. 125,
Let the loofers haue their wordes, all at onfe:
Shall the loofers talke ? there will be chat for the nonfe.
Gettyng and spendyng. 126.
Ill gotten ill fpent : be that tale true to tell,
Thou art neuer lyke to fpende peny well.
Matters not leyde a water. 127,
My matter is leyde a water, thats a falfe tale:
Thy matters lie not in water, they lie in ale.
Meafure. 128.
Meafure is a mery meane.
Which filde with noppy drinke.
When mery drinkers drinke of cleane:
Then merely they winke.
Otherwife.
Meafure is a mery meane,
But I meane meafures gret:
Where lippes to litell pitchers leane:
Thofe lippes they {cantly wet.
Otherwife.
Meafure is a mery meane.
But ynche, foote, yerde, or ell:
Thofe meafures are not worth a beane:
They meafure no drinke well.
Otherwife.
Meafure is a mery meane.
Be drinke deare or good cheape:
From meafure no wight, may thée weane:
Thou meafurft drinke by heape.
Otherwife.
Meafure is a mery meane.
Good licker may not fhrinke:
Thou takft no triacle of Geane

So holfome as good drinke.
Meafure
upon prouerbes.

Otherwy/fe.
Meafure is a mery meane.
Shewyng indifferency:
Would thale wife, play the poulyng queane:
Yet meafure will not lie.
Otherwife.
Meafure is a mery meane.
That doth diligently:
Attend the tappes of ftande and fteane:
To moyft thy lippes full dry.
Otherwyfe.
Meatfure is a mery meane.
And meafure is thy mate,
To be a deacon, or a deane:
Thou wouldft not chaunge the ftate.
Otherwife.
Meafure is a mery meane.
Who that fhall enterprife,
This meafure from thée, for to gleane,
Right erly muft he rife.
Otherwife.
Meatfure is mery meane.
In volewmes full or flat,
There is no chapter, nor no feane,
That thou applieft like that.

Goyng beyonde the wall, 129.
Furder then the wall, we can not go,
Thine vfage fhowth otherwife, then fo:
Thou gofte, when thou muft ftart out of fight:
To the wall, and ouer the wall quight.

Of harme. 130.
A man far from his good, is nie his harme,
Ny thy good, next thy harme, as chaunce may charme.
Tij A man

147
Epigrammes

Otherwy/fe.
A man far from his good, is nie his harme,
For thée to feare that, it were worfe then woodnes.,
Mouables, vnmouables, lande or farme,
Thou haft not one grotes woorth, of good or goodnes.
Otherwyfe.
A man far from his good, is nie his harme.
This fhewth the nie harme: for hadft thou an arme
That could and wolde, reache hence to Conftantine,
That arme coulde not reache to any good of thine.

Wit kept by warmth. 131.
Thou art wyfe inough, if thou kéepe thée warme:
But the leaft colde that cumth, kilth thy wit by harme.
Light comyng and goyng. 132.
Light cum, light go, that cumth in vre by light féete:
But light heds, make light féete, ly lame in the ftréete.
Otherwyfe.
Light cum, light go, for that thou art well wrought:
For thou art as light, as a thyng of nought.
Otherwy/fe.
Light cum, light go, pas, cum and go lightly,
In a luggler, that lightnes is fightly.
Otherwyfe.
Light cum, light go, thy light goyng doth excell:
But thy light comyng, I like not half fo well.
Of kiffing. 133.
Unknowen vnkift, and beyng knowen I wéene,
Thou art neuer kift, where thou mayft be feene.
Otherwyfe.
Vnknowen vnkift, from that defyre, wife blys thée,
For no man that féeth thée, defireth to kis thée.
From kyffyng in fight hufbande, fuch as flée mée,

Let them come kis me, where they do not fe mée.
Leaue

148
upon Prouerbes.

Of leaue. 134.
Leaue is light, lyght inough as thou wilt make it,
If thy maifter geue no leaue thou wilt take it.
Otherwy/fe.
Leaue is light, ye and leaue is axed lyghtly,
And may be graunted lightly, axyd rightly.
God in the almery. 135.
There is god in thalmery, a well playde part.
Shut god in thine almery, out of thy hart.
The diuell in thorologe. 136.
The diuell is in thorologe, the houres to trye,
Searche houres by the funne, the deuyls dyall wyll lye.

Otherwyfe.
The deuyll is in thorologe, nowe chéere in boules:
Let the deuyl kepe our clockes, whyle god kéepe our foules.
The bef. 137.
The beft is behynde, the woorft is before:
Betwene bothe, beware dryft to the woorft fhore.
Otherwife.
The best is behynde, we go before to faft,
Byde for the beft, els it will be loft at laft.
Otherwife.
The beft is behynde, ftarte thou backe and fet it,
Abyde abyde, a wyfer man mutt get it.
Otherwyfe.
The beft is behinde, euen fo I thought it wolde:
The beft lacketh féete, foote pace with vs to holde.
Otherwyfe.
The beft is behynde, behynde nor yet before:
Wolde I haue the beft, but with vs evermore.
The woorfe. 138.
The woorft is behynde.
There art thou affynde.
T iij The

149
Lpigrammes

Otherwy/fe.
The woorft is behinde, but the way is not rough:
The woorft wyll get before agayne, tyme ynough.
Otherwyfe.
The woorft is behynde, yet behynde woorfe euyl!?
We fée our fare, at next courfe, cumth the deuyll.
Otherwife.
The woorft is behynde, god kepe it behinde vs.
Or vs before it, as it neuer fynde vs.
Lafiyng of woonder. 139.
A woonder lafteth but. ix. daies:
Yes thou dydft. ix. yeres gon
But one good déede, for whiche fum faies,
Thou art yet woondred on.
Of a galde horfe. 140.
Rub a galde horfe on the backe and he wyll kycke:
But the galde affe wyll ftande ftyll, rub, fpur, or pricke._
Good begynnyng and ende. 141. ,
Of a good begynnyng, there cumth a good éende:
Nay, Lucyfer began well, and now a féende.
But of good begynnyng and endyng, truth to tell,
The beft way to ende well, is to begyn well.
The fiill foowe. 142.
The ftyll fowe eath all the draffe, my fowe eath none,
The deuill ftylth not my fowe, tyll hir groyne be gone.
Of fumblyng. 143.
Stumble at a ftrawe, and leape ouer a blocke,
Such ftumblers are blockeheads, or els they do mocke:
Otherwife,
Stumble at a ftrawe, and leape ouer a blocke,
The Affe and the Ape, feme here ioyned in one ftocke.
Of the fhoe and the fole. 144.
The fhooe wyl! holde with the fole. No man knowth it,

But he that knowth, how the fhomaker fowth it.
The

150
upon Prouerbes.

Otherwy fe.
The fhooe wyll holde with the fole, what fhulde the fhoo doo,
But holde with the fole, the fole will holde with the fhoo.
Myght and ryght. 145.
Myght ouercumth ryght. God kepe vs from that myght,
God geue vs that might, that ftryueth not with ryght.
Byrth and teaching. 146.
Better vnborne then vntaught, but of truth, thow
Were as well taught afore thou were borne, as now.
Of hangyng. 147.
I haue hangd vp my hatchet. and fcapte thy felfe?
Thou fhuldeft rather be hangde, then thy hatchet, elfe.
An olde knaue. 148.
An olde knaue is no babe, no. but we knowe,
Of an olde knaues babe, an olde knaue may growe.
A mans heave and his whood. 149.
Thy heare growth through thy whood . is thy whood torne ?
Or dooth thy heare perfe through thy whood, lyke a horne.
Geynes and loffes. 150.
Lyght geynes, make heauy purfes.
Lyght loffes make heauy curfes.
Otherwy fe.
Light geynes make heuy purfes, and lyght purfes
Make heauy hartes, and heuy harted curfes,
Otherwyfe.
_ Light geynes make heuy purfes, fo brag marchantes bare,
When they take thrée halfpence, for two peny worth ware.
Theeues fallyng out. 151.
When théeues fall out, trewe men come to their goode.
Cum betymes, or els it is gone by roode.
Of a fhorne face. 152.
Thy face is fhorne ageynft the wull, very déepe,
Haue I wool in my face? ye, thou art a fhéepe.
Thou

151
Epigrammes

A benche whifiler. 153.
Thou art a benchwhiftler. a fhryll whyftlyng wenche,
But how long haft thou whiftled in the kynges benche,
I haue whyftled in the kynges bench (Gefrey)
As longe as thou haft marcht in the Marfhalfey.
What god feyde to one. 154.
Thou art one of them, to whom god bad who,
God tooke the for a carte horfe, when god bad fo.
Otherwife.
Thou art one of them, to whom god bad who,
I wéene thou wentit to far, when god bad fo.
Boowyng and breakyng. 155.
Better boowe then breake, when ftrainyng fhall ftretche.
Nay, as good breake as boowe, beynde our retche.
Otherwy/fe.
Better boowe then breake, I praife this that ye fpeake,
But fum bend, or be bent and boude, tyll they breake.
Otherwife.
Better boowe then breake, it is truly fpoken.
Boude wands ferue for fumwhat, fo do not broken.
Of wrefilyng. 156.
The weaker hath the woorfe, in wreftlyng alway,
Beit for the weake to leaue wreftlyng then I fay,
God and the church, 157.
The neare to the churche, the furder from god,
Bothe one to thée, a reame thence, or a rod.
Of one tale in all men tolde. 158.
It muft néedes be true, that euery man faith,
Tyll all men fay one thinge, the iudgement ftaith.
Otherwife.
It muft nedes be true that euery man faith,
Mutt it fo? then art thou a foole, in fayth.
Of malkin. 1509.
There be mo maydes then Malkyn, thou faift truth Ione.
But how may we be fure, that Malkin one? I will

152
upon Prouerbes.

Rafhe ventringe. 160.

I will fet all, euen at fyxe and at feuen,

Ye, and repent all, betwene ten and eleuen.
A fcabde horfe. 161.

A {cabde horfe is good enough, for a fealde fquyre.

Your mafterfhyp, nede not care, what horfe ye hyre.
Of fyttyng. 162.
Betwéene two ftooles, my tayle goth to the grounde.
Better ftande then fyt, tyll fure feate be founde.
Aleand wyt. 163.
When ale is in, wyt is out.
When ale is out, wyt is in.
The fyrft thou fhewft, out of dout,
The laft in the hath not byn.
Of reftitucion. 164.

Steale a goofe, and fticke downe a fether.

In a fether, and fuch confcience,
If I fhoulde ftycke them downe together:
I can deuyfe no great difference.
Eatyng of flies. 165.

The blynde eateth many a flie, not thou wife,

For though blyndnes haue banyfht thyne eyes defence,
Yet when flies in flienge to thy mouth be ryfe,
Thy toung is a flie flap, to flap flies from thence.

Of the foxes preaching. 166.

When the foxe preacheth, then beware our géefe.
You that feare your géefe, learne wyt here a péefe.
Kepe foxes from pulpets, your géefe to teache:

Or kepe géefe from fermons, when foxes do preache.
Of poore mens foules. 167.
Poore men haue no foules, no but poore men had foules:
Tyll the drunken foules, drownd theyr foules in ale boules.
U Poore

153
Lpigvrammes

Otherwyfe.
Poore men haue no foules, yes, but we fée,
Poore men foules as poore : as their purfes bée.
Otherwyfe.
Poore men haue no foules, no. haue ryche men any,
I feare but fewe, for they haue loft foules many.
Otherwife.
Poore men haue no foules. No no. the dyuell mad them.
The fots coulde not kepe theyr foules, whyle they had them.
Promife of lycence. 168.
I wyll fay no more, tyll the day be longer,
No no, fay no more tyll thy wyt be ftronger.
Of little faiyng. 169.
Lyttle fayde, foone amended.
Lyttle good, foone fpended.
Lyitle charge, foone attended.
Lyttle wyt, foone ended.
Of the tyde. 170.
The tyde taryeth no man. but here to fcan,
Thou art tyde fo, that thou taryft euery man.
Praife of good ende. 171.
All is well that endth well, a good faiynge (wyfe)
But I would fée it proued, by thende of thy lyfe.
Of hearyng and iudgeyng. 172.
Here all parts, ere ye iudge any.
God fende fuche hearers many.
A leffon for lookyng. 173.
Sum man may better Steale a horfe:
Then fum may ftand and looke vpone.
Where fuche fufpicion ftandth in force,
Flée fyght of ftolne horfe, looke on none.
Of a womans lines. 174,
Wyfe, a woman hath nine liues lyke a cat.
Syr, you haue but one lyfe, and yet inough of that.
I wyll

154
upon Prouertes.

The crowe called white. 175.

I wyll fay the crowe is whyte. art thou fo lyght,

What is thy credence, when the crowe cumth in fyght.
Otherwyfe.

Ye muft fay the crowe is whyte, in any cafe,

Not nowe, but we were made fey fo a longe fpace.
Otherwyfe.

I will fay the crowe is whyte. wylt thou fo?

When every man féeth hir blacke : go foole go.
Of the olde foole. 176.

There is no foole to the olde foole.

Go yonge fooles, to tholde fooles to fcoole.
Otherwyfe.

There is no foole to tholde foole : fpeake not that loude,
That prayfe wyll make olde fooles vengeable proude,
Which prayfe of olde fooles, yong fooles perceyuyng playne:
Yonge fooles, and olde fooles, eche wyll other difdayne.

Of a beane. 177.

A beane in a monkes whood, very good,

Here is the beane, but where is the whood.
The gyft of apyg. 178.

Syr ye gyue me a pyg, of myne owne fowe.

Wyfe, I gyue a fowe pyg to a fowe nowe.
. Chaunge and robery. 179.
Chaunge is no robry, that is a tale not ftraunge,
Chaunge is no robry, but robry maketh chaunge.
Many {wéete blyffynges chaunge to bytter curfes.
When trewe mens money, chaungth into théeues purfes.
Of fayre woordes. 180.
Fayre woordes make fooles fayne, that was by olde scooles:
But now we fée, fayre woordes make wyfe men fooles.
Otherwyfe.
Fayre woords make foolesfayne, yet fayre woordis arechereful,
But foule woordis make all folke, Irefull or ferefull.
U ij I laught

155
Epigrammes

Of laughyng. 181.
I laught in my fléeue, feynt laughynges there to wyn,
Sléeues be to narowe, to laugh luftily in.
Of feekyng. 182.
I féeke for a thyng wyfe, that I would not fynde.
Good hufbande ye are the more foole in my mynde.
Otherwife.
Thou féekeft for a thynge, that thou wouldft not fynde.
And I fynde all thynges, that I do not féeke:
In my hap, and thy wyt, what dyffrence affynde,
T wéene not the value of a good gréene léeke.
Of a head under a gyrdell. 183.
He hath thy hed vnder his gyrdell, take héede
He hange not thy hed, in his gyrdell in déede.
Of wyde fhootyng. 184.
He fhooteth wyde. the caufe why, I fée euen fyth.
He hath not one ftreight fhafte, to fhoote ftreight with.
Otherwife.
He fhootth wyde.
On which fyde.
Otherwife.
He fhooteth wyde, but he can not amende that,
For he féeth not the marke that he fhooteth at.
The fooles bolte. 185.
A fooles bolte is foone fhot, and fléeth oftymes fer,
But the fooles bolte and the marke, cum few tymes ner.
Of amarchant. 186.
He is a marchaunt without money or ware.
Byd that marchaunt be couered, he is bare.
Otherwyfe.
He is a marchaunt without money or ware.

He hath in fum refpecte, the leffe caufe of care.
Tounge

156
upon prouerbes.

Of tongue. 187.

Tounge breaketh bone, and bone it hath none.
I withe (wife) thy tounge may haue a bone.
And I wifhe (quoth fhe) a bone in your whood.
Wythe that bone away (faid he) tis not good.
Then wifhe you the tother (quoth fhe) away.
They did fo, which doone : now fayd fhe wée may
Witnes bothe, that you haue your withe in fine,
But both can not witnes that I haue mine.

Otherwyfe.

Tounge breaketh bone, it felfe hauyng none.

Such tounges fhould haue bones, or bodkins the tone.
Otherwyfe.

Toung breaketh bone, and bone it felf hath none.

Yes, thy tounge is full of good ale bones (Ione)
Of foceche. 188.

Spare to fpeake, {pare to fpéede. If fpéeche bring {péede,

Then wilt thou fpéede, for thou fpeak{t more then néede.
A bufy body. 189.

He will haue an ore in euery mans barge.

Euen in cocke lorels barge, he berth that charge.
Otherwyfe.

He will haue an ore in euery mans barge,

Then with fum of thofe ores, he rowth at large.
Of time. 190.

Time is tickell, we may matche time in this,

For we be euen as tickell, as time is.
Otherwyfe.

Time is tickell.
Chaunce is fickell.
Man is brickell.
Freilties pickell.
Poudreth mickell,
Seafonyng lickell.

U ij He

157
Lpigrammes

Of far caftyng. 191.
He cafth beyonde the moone. great diuerfitie,
Betwéene far caftyng and wife caftyng, may be.
Otherwife.
He cafth beyonde the moone. what néede that be doone?
We haue caftyng inough, a this fide the moone.
Of hunger. 192.
Hunger droppeth out of his nofe,
That is the woorft kinde of the pofe.
Of feedyng. 193.
He hath fed till he is as full as a toon.
I meane an emptie toon. what foode hath he woon?

Of Mortimers fow. 194.
Backare, quoth Mortimer to his fow.
Went that fow backe, at that biddyng trowe you?
Otherwife.
Backare quoth Mortimer to his fow: fe
Mortimers fow fpeakth as good latin as he.
Otherwife.

Backare quoth Mortimer to his fowe:
The bore fhall backe firft (quoth fhe) I make a vowe.

Of fleabytyng. 195.
Tis but a fleabityng : fréende if fleas bite fo,
They will bite men to the bare bones where they go.

The breecheleffe maifter. 1096.
The mafter weareth no breeche, then I proteft,
The mafter is a girle, a boy, or a beft.

Of meate and fauce. 1097.

Swéete meate will haue foure fauce, to this reafon feate,
Ioyne this conuerfion foure fauce will haue fwéete méate.
Thus fourenes and fwéetenes, the one and thother,

In feare of the tone, we hope of the tother.
Swéete

158
upon prouerbes.

Otherwife.

Swéete meate will haue foure fauce, where that is féene,

As good lacke that meate, as haue that fauce, I wéene.
Of proferd feruice. 1098.

Proferde feruice ftinketh, thou art deceiued elfe,

Thy proferde feruice ftinkth not : thou ftinkft thy felfe.
Otherwyfe.

Proferde feruice ftinkth. more foole thou to profer it,

Thou fhuldeft feafon thy feruice ere thou offer it.

Of common medlers. 199.

He that medleth with all thyng, may fhooe the goflyng:
If all fuch medlers were fet to goofe fhoyng:
No goofe néede go barfote betwene this and Gréefe,
For fo: we fhould haue as many goofe fhooers as géefe.

Of enough and a feaft. 200.
As good ynough as a feaft : ye god faue it.
Inough were euen as good, if we might haue it.
Otherwife.

As good ynough as a feaft.
This for a truth fay moft and leaft.
But what ynough is iuftly ment,
And with inough to be content,
Thofe are twoo pointes that fewe or none,
Can learne to know, and ftande vpon.

Of plaine fafhion. 201.

The playne fafhin is beft, what plaine without pleates

That fafhin commendth the calfe when it bleates.
Otherwife.

The playne fafhin is beft, and accepted befte

In thinges that pleafe heares but not in the reft.
Otherwife.

The playne fafhin is beft, thats trewly expreft

Where fafhiners of playne fafhins are honeft.

159
Epigrammes

Of him that cumth laff. 202.
He that cumth laft make all faft, to this fay fum
All is made faft ere the laft cummer cum.
Otherwy fe.
He that cumth laft make all faft,
Who fhall make him faft that cumth laft.
Of friuyng. 203.
He ftriueth agaynft the ftreme, by cuftums f{coole
That ftriuer is either a fifhe or a foole.
Of fittyng. 204.
Better fit ftill then rife and fall
If all fayle ye may hange when ye fhall.
Of writyng to frendes. 208.
Ye may write to your fréendes that ye are in helth:
Who may write to his fréendes that he is in welth.

Of great clarkes. 200.
The greateft clarkes be not the wifeft men
Be fmaule learnd or vnlernd fooles wyfeft then.
Of killyng. 207.
He will kill a man for a meffe of muftard
He will kill ten men then for a cuftard.
Of falfhed. 208.
There is falfhed in felowfhip, there is fo
The felowfhyp is fmall els as the worlde doth go.
Otherwy fe.
There is falfhed in felowfhip, no wunder
Falfhed and felowfhip are féeld a funder.
Of bleedyng. 2009.
Here lithe all and bleadth, all, thats fals and foolifh,
Thou neuer fawft bloud bléed out of a ftockfith.
Of feyng. 210,
Séeft me and féeft me not, both one thing for foth

As good vnféene as féene whofe fight no good doth.
Of

160
upon prouerbes.

Of ils. 2xt.
Of twoo Is chofe the leaft, of ils many
The leaft is to great to chofe any.
Otherwyfe.
Of two IIs chofe the leaft, may we choofe ils now,
Choofe on choofers the like choyfe neuer had yow.
Of Pepper. 212.
Thou takft pepper in the nofe, and yet thy nofe,
Lookth not blacke like pepper, but red like the rofe.
Otherwyfe.
Thou takft pepper in the nofe which néedeth not,
Thy nofe without pepper is firy red whot.
Otherwyfe.
Thou takft pepper in the nofe which fo fefond
Shewth thy nofe better fefond then thy hed refond.
Of an ill flake. 213.
An ill ftake that can not ftand one yere in a hedge
If the ftake felf fayle, the ftake is as ye alege.
But if ftake ftoobbers will not let ftakis ftand
Blame not the ftake, blame the ftake ftoobbers hand,
Of fuffraunce. 214.
Suffrans is no quittans, but fuffryng to longe,
Showth much like a quittans in fuffryng of wrong.
Of mifrecknyng. 215.
Mifrecknyng is no paiment, yes as doth fall
In fum reckners, mifrecknyng is payment all.
Otherwife.
Mifrecknyng is no payment, to auoyde that,
Sum detters with their creditours recken nat.
Of euen recknyng. 216.
Euen reeknyng makth long fréends
Od recknyng makth many féends.
Of takyng. 217.
I will take as falth in the fheafe, where euer it fall
In the fheafe or out of the fheafe thou takft all.
x Mum
161
Lpigrammes

Of mum. 218.
Mum is counfell in euery man we fée
But mum except, nothyng is counfell in thée.

Of foppyng a mouth. 219.
He fhall not ftop my mouth, no Nan I thinke that

I beleue all the deuils in hel ftopth it nat.
Of caftyng. 220.
He is caft in his owne turne, that is likly
And yet in all turnes he turnth wonders quikly.

Of lacke. 221.
He is iacke out of office, curtfie withdrawe
Tacke once out of office all hayle Iack dawe.

Of the winking Cat. 222.

Let the Cat winke and let the Moufe run, run mife

Or els the cats clawes will catch you at a trife.
Otherwyfe.

Let the cat winke and let the moufe run, run rats

Smalle holes kéepe fmall mife, from wily winkyng cats.
Otherwyfe.

Let the cat winkeand letthe moufe run, créepe moufe créepe

Run not before cats that winke more then they fléepe.
Of faying nay. 223.

Say nay and take it, ye fay nay and take it

But fay nay or fay ye neuer forfake it.
Otherwy/fe.

Say nay and take it, here me fay this othyng

Say nother ye nor nay, takte and fay nothyng.
Of the pie and crowe. 224.

Not to hie for the pie nor to lowe for the crowe

Hie pies made lowe crowes we haue inough I trowe.
Of faying nought but mum. 225.

I will fay nought but mum.

Thou fhowft the more wit fum.

162
vupon prouerbes.

Otherwyfe.
I wyll fay nought but mum, that I beféeche,
Mum hath a grace in thee far more then fpéeche.

Of tounge and wit. 226,
Thy tounge runth before thy wit, thats no rafhe rafe
For fo may it run, runnyng but a fnayle pace.
Of owne. 227.
Owne is owne,
Whers owne knowne.

Otherwyfe.
Owne is owne, thefe wordes I fpeke with eyes wéepyng,
For all mine owne is in other mens kéepyng.
But good is that riches where it is heapt
That from thowner by no means can be keapt.
Of foinnyng. 228.
She hath fpun a fayre thréede, which fhowth in déede
That a fowle fpinner may {pin a fayre thréede.
Of laughyng. 229.
They laugh that win, falfly to win and kéepe,
Winners may laugh when they haue caufe to wéepe.

Otherwyfe.
They laugh that win, by theft to win and kéepe
Théeues at ftealyng laugh, théeues at hangyng wéepe.
Of pleying. 230.
He pleyth beft that wins, that deny I will
Many pleyers win much that pley very ill.
Otherwyfe.
He pleyth beft that wins, there is a lye runnyng,
Many win much, much more by hap then cunnyng.
Of the winde blowyng. 231.
Let this winde ouerblow, when ouer blow
This winde will ouer blow vs firft I trow.
X ij I haue

163
LEpigrammes

Of far and nie. 232.
I haue féene as far come as nie, come no nere
The ferder thou art hence the better is it here.
Of thynfteh. 233.
He is hie in thynftep, his fteps may be hie,
But to ftepe in good fteps he ftepth nothyng nie.
Of fmaule and greate. 233.
Many {maul make a great, and fum great made {mall,
Thou hadft great good maners, and thou haft non at all.
Of the keyfe. 234.
The keife hang not all by one mans gyrdle, no
Euery key hath a clog, who wolde be clogd fo.
Of prouender. 236.
His prouender prickth him, prick him godsforbod
What is his prouender, pinnes by likelyhod.
Otherwyfe.
His prouender prickth him, where grewe that corne,
Pricking prouender as il as botes borne.
Otherwy/fe.
His prouender prickth him, that hors muft néede ftur
Prickt, with in with prouender, without with fpur.
Of fum here and there. 237.
Here fum and there fum, ye here and there fum:
But moft when and moft where no fum doth cum.
Of the perfons lemman. 238.
She is as tender as a perfons leman,
Parfons lemans are tough inough now and than.
Of if weede. 239.
Ill wéede growth faft, it groweth faft in déede
The corne can fcantly growe for the wéede.
Otherwyfe.
Ill wéede growth faft, that is fhowyng
In the fhow of thy faft growyng.

164
upon Prouerbes.

Of fynkyng. 240.
He fhall fynke in his owne finne. ye when he fynkth,
But he fléeeth in his owne fin yet me thinkth.
Of good fyluer. 241.
She thinkth hir farthing good fyluer, but truft me
She is quycke fyluer what euer hir farthyng be.
Of the proude cocke. 242.
Euery cocke is proude on his owne dunghyll,
The hen is proud inough there marke who wyll.
Of fat in the fyre. 243.
The fat is in the fyre, that is a fhrewde turne,
Caft the leane after, fat and leane let all burne.
Of bowe bent. 244.
I haue the bent of his bowe, that I know.
What bolts fhoot{t thou from that bow, fooles bolts I trow.
Of gods beynge. 245.
God is where he was. ye but fo art not thow
Thou were abrode late and art in Newgate now.
Of kinffolke. 246.
Many kynffolke fewe fréendis,
Fewe fréendis and many féendis.
Of Freendfhippe. 247.
A fréende is neuer knowne tyll a man haue néede
Nor then nother for any I know in déede:
Of nothinge. 248.
Where nothyng is the kynge muft léefe his ryght,
Where althynge is there ryght is loft by myght.
Of pouertee. 249.
Pouertée partth felowfhip, thats not trewe euer,
Pouertie in beggers partth felowfhip neuer.
Of eares glowyng. 250.
Thyne eares may glowe, lets fée whether they glow Iohn.
I lye : thyne eares can not glowe for thou haft non.
X iij Toft

165
Lpigrammes

Of pofte and pyller. 251.
Toft from poft to pyller, thou art a pyller ftronge,

And thou haft byn a pyller fum fay to longe.
Of may be. 252.
Be as be may is no bannynge.
But be as be fhall hath much fcannynge.
Of ufe. 253.
Vfe maketh maftry, that is a trew tale to tell,
In that vfe hath made the pycke a purfe fo well.
Of Ipurnyng. 254,
Folly to fpurne or kycke agenyft the harde wall.
Beyng fhod with cakebred, that fpurner marth all.
Otherwy/fe.
Folly to fpurne or kycke ageynft the harde wall,
But ageynft foft walles fpurners fpurne and kyck all.
Of tiyng the bell, 255.
Who fhall ty the bell about the cats necke how,
Not I (quoth the moufe) for a thing that I know.
Of had Iwyft. 256.
Beware of had I wyft wyfe. Oh man tys to late
To beware therof fyns thou were my wedded mate.
Of daunfyng. 257.
He dauncth attendance. are attendantes daunfyng ?
Then haue we much daunfyng with fmal! auaunfyng.
Of the cat eatyng fyfhe. 258.
The cat woulde eate fyfhe but fhe wyll not weate hir féete,
She thinkth flefhe with dry féete more fwéete thé fith w wéete.
Of the blinde. 2509.
The blynde eate many a flie, that we fynde,
Chefly where caruers to the blynde are blynde.
Of the woorft and beft. 260.
Prouyde for the woorft, the beft wyll faue it felfe.

For that fauyng fyde thou art a futtle elfe.
Of

166
upon Prouerbes.

Of all kyndis of thyngis thou haft prouifhin preft,
For thy neighbours the wurft, for thy felfe the beft.
Of fyue egges. 261.
He cumth in with his. v. egges, what egges to call?
Hen egges, goofe egges, or ducke egges, nay dawes egges all.
Of clymyng. 262.
He that neuer clymbd neuer fell, fum men clyme
For douys nefts and fynde dawes nefts fum tyme.
Of the wey. 263.
It is out of my way, fo it lyghtly may,
To all good thyngis thy way is out of the way.
Of waytyng. 264.
He wayteth for moone fhyne in the water,
Such waytyng fuch wynnyng thats a méete mater.
Of Ryme. 205.
It may tyme but it acordth not. cordth not Wyll,
Beware of cording rymes thofe rymes agrée yll.
Of fufnyng. 266.
It is yll fyfhyng before the net.
Wurfe fyfhyng behynde as nets are fet.
Of good. 267.
He knowth none ende of his good, marke his wynnyng,
He knowth of his good none ende, nor begynnyng.
Of the hot yron. 268.
When the Iron is hot ftryke, ftryke hot Iron and ftéele,
But golde or fyluer to ftryke we haue no déele.
Of the purfe. 2609.
Thy purfe is thréede bare, we fée on the out fyde,
And more bare on the in fyde when both fydes are tryde.
* .. Of many handes. 270.
Many handes make lyght warke, many handes ye marke.
Ye muft fay thus. many lyght handes make lyght warke.

Otherwy/fe.
Many hands make light woorke, no woorke is finde thée,

Thou canft not woorke thy hands be bounde behynde thée.

167
Epigrammes

Of the lothe flake. 27%.
The loth ftake ftandth longe, we haue many lothe ftakes,
Eche ftake welny to other it felfe, lothe makes,
Otherwyfe.
The lothe ftake ftandth longe, in fome place, but fome hande
Pluckth vp all ftakes, fuffrynge no ftake longe to ftande.
Of hauinge. 272.
Better to haue then wifhe, nay ye may fo craue,
That better to wyfhe ten tymes then once to haue.
Otherwyfe.
Better to haue then wyfhe, not alway cofyn,
What yf ye rafhely wyfht ftrypes nowe a dofyn.
Otherwyfe.
Better to haue then wifhe. better haue as we haue,
Then to haue at wifhe all that wifhers wolde craue.
Of counfell. 273.
Thrée may kepe councell if twayne be away.
But one foole doth ofte his owne councell bewray.
Otherwyfe.
Thrée may kepe councell if twayne be away,
Sum women I here fay, that faiyng denay.
Of Roome. 274.
Roome was not bylt on one day, that is well knowne,
Nor in one day Rome wyll not be ouerthrowne.
For where Roome femd puld downe in one day brother,
There is Roome fet vp agayne in an other.
Of Speeche. 275.
Spare to fpeake fpare to fpéede.
Doome men wyn nought in déede,
And fpéech as fpéeche may fall
May wyn nought, and léefe all.
Of one had in the wynde. 276.
I haue him in the wynde. wel fyr it is your mynde

To haue him in the wynde, or hange him in the wynde.
Who

168
upon Prouerbes.

Of one yll fod. 277.
Who is woorfe {hod then is the fhomakers wyfe ?
The deuyls wyfe, fhe was neuer fhod in hir lyfe.
Of all and naught. 278.
He woulde all haue and naught forgo, no,
He may all forgo and naught haue fo,
Of warnyng. 279.
I gaue him fcarborow warnyng, fcarborow
That warnyng cam fhort to bryng good harborow.
Of byrdes flowne. 280,
The byrdes are flowne, that byrdes neft was yll watcht,
Byrdes wynges once full fumd byrdes wyll hardly be catcht.
Otherwyfe.
The byrds are flowne. Flowne, that flight no wunder brings
Byrds may fone flée where byrders clyp no byrds wyngs.
Of leauyng. 281.
Leaue it or it leaue you, leaue what folly,
He can neuer leaue it nor it him wholly,
Of fetiyng in foote. 282.
He hath fet in foote, thyngs by wyt to be fped,
His foote fhall dooe feruyce as good as his hed.
Otherwy fe.
IT wyll fet in foote, fréende thou maift fet in fyt
Foote hand and hed but thou canft fet in no wyt.
Of faft byndyng. 283.
Faft bynd faft fynd, nay thou weare prentyfe faft bownde,
And yet ranft thou a way where thou couldft not be founde.
Of hap. 284:
Happy man happy dole, fo fay fycke and hole,
But good hap is deintie, moft men haue féeld good dole.
 Otherwyfe.
Happy man happy dole, hap is full of holes,
Hap catcheth and holdeth very few good doles.
Y Take

169
Lpigrammes

Of tyme. 285.
Take tyme when tyme cumth, we are oftymes told of it,
But when tyme cumth yet can we take no hold of it.
Otherwy/fe.
Take tyme when tyme cumth, afay to be bolde of it,
But flyper as an eeles tayle is the holde of it.
Otherwyfe.
Take tyme when tyme cumth, are we fet tyme to take?
Beware tyme, in meane tyme, take not vs in brake,
Otherwy fe.
Take time when tyme cumth, when time cumth thou faift wel
But when cumth good tyme to take, I can not tell.
Of the fat hog. 286.
Euery man bafteth the fat hog. nay fréend nay,
Matt faylth fore this yere fat hogs pyne away.
Otherwy/fe.
Euery man baftyth the fat hog, tis agréed
That thofe hogs fhall haue moft help that haue leaft néed.
The bale and boote. 287.
When bale is hekft, boote is next, though boote be nye
What helpyth boote, where bale is euer mofte hye.
Of fowes. 288.
As méete as a fowe to beare a faddle Thon.
A fowe to beare a faddle, we haue féene none,
But though fowes beare no faddles yet may we fay
We fée faddles beare fowes welny euery day.
Of making a croffe, 2809.
I wyll make a croffe vpon this gate, ye croffe on
Thy croffes be on gates all, in thy purfe non.
Of a pad. 290.
It wyll bréede a pad in the ftrawe, very wéele.
Beware it bréede not a padlocke on thy héele.
Of long fiandyng. 281.
Long ftandyng and {mall offryng makth poore parfons,
Long wayghtyng and {mall wages makth poore garfons.

170
upon Prouerbes.

Of the weaker. 292.
The weaker goth to the pot, ye, and god wot,
Sum the weaker for ofte goyng to the pot.
Of catchyng. 293.
Catch that catch may, after catchyng and fnatchyng,
Pyllyng and pollyng, we fall now to patchyng.
Of holdyng. 294.
Holde faft when ye haue it, if it be not thyne,
Holde faft and run faft when thou haft it fréend myne.
Of knowledge. 295.
T know him as well as the begger knowth his bag.
Thou knowft him, but when wilt thou know thy felfe wag.
Of fmellyngs. 206.
I fmeld him out, furder then he myght fmell thée.
The fmeller of {mellers then, thou art euyn he.
Of nought laide downe. 207.
Nought lay downe nought take vp, welfayde,
Nought ly downe nought ryfe vp, welwayde.
Of fyght and fare. 298. —
Ye f{€e your fare, a very ftraunge fare to fée.
A blynde man may fée our fare as well as wée.
Of the pot not broken. 299.
Neyther pot broken nor water fpylt, water
Thou fpylft none, but thou fpylft all other mater.
Of late and neuer. 3300.
Better late then neuer. ye mate,
But as good neuer as to late.
Otherwy fe.
Better late then neuer.
That is not trew euer.
Sum thynges to rule in rate.
Better neuer then late.

FINIS. Y ij

171
FoThe fifth hunded
of Epygrams.
‘Snuented and
made bp

Jobn
Deptwood.

LONDINI.
Anno Chri fii.
1562,

*

173
To the reader.

Ere it as parellous to deale cardes at play,
,\As it is quarellous to deale bookes this day,
fs One and forty men, among one dnd fiftie,
<—Wolde flee one and thirtie, to flée one vnthriftie,
And yet Cardes fo dealt fhould haue, in reuealyng,
Foredeale of bookes in this harde time of dealyng.
Cardes be tooted on but on the tone fide:

Bookes on both fides: in all places porde and pride.

Not to content, but to contend, vpon fpiall

Of leaft tittle, that can come in triall.

If the best writer to write be much afrayde,

More may I (the woorft) by fearefull feare be ftayde.
And were not this one thing, feare fhould ftay me fo,
That booke or ballet, I neuer durft write mo.

In all my fimple writyng neuer ment I,

To touche any priuate perfon difpleafantly.

Nor none do I touche here : by name, but onely one,
Which is my felfe : whom I may be bolde vpon.

This ment in my makyng, fyns proofe doth declare,

I pray you readers to fcan this, by this fquare.

As I, for mirth, myrily did make it,

So you, in mirth, mirily will take it.

  

FINIS.

174
The Table.

f wéening :& wotting. 1.
Of a man of lawe and

his clientes 2.
An aduice againft mocking. 3.
Of itchyng and fmartyng. 4.
Of a fharpe tunge, 5.
Of a horfe. 6.
Of a butler and a horfe. VA
Of Braffe. 8.
Of a louces dwellyng place. 9.
Of a ftraunge glaffe 10.
Of driuyng and drawing. 11.
Of long futes. 12.
Of lightneffe. 13.
Of a difagréement. 14.
Of cheapinyng of conies. 15.
Of a wife hauing childe. 16,
Of a bachiler and a maide. 17.
Of fhort payment. 18,

Whence certayne thynges
came fyrft 19.
Of furred & lined gownes. 20.
Of a wine drawer, 21.
Shorte checkes betwéene a ma
and his wife. 22.
Of a woman dekt in two co-
lours, 23.
Of vnfweete breath. 24.
Of clippyng and clenfyng. 25.
Of a man and his wiues de-
parting. 26.
An accoiit of a mas childré. 27
Of a woman of Huntingtd. 28

Of a laundres. 29.
Of acutter of Purflane 30.
Of one that ftandeth in his

owne conceite. 31.
Of one that harde without
eares, 32.

Of anarchers rouing, < 33.
Of perill to one by the num-

bre of three. 34.
Of gloria patri. 35.
Of a Diar. 36.
Of a Iugge 37.
Of the thrée cuppes. 38.
Of Braffe and Iron. 39.
Of Iacke and Iohn. 40.
Of wreftlyng 41.
Of pride. 42
Of one hanged 43.
Of a dettar. 44.
Of louyng of a goofe 45.
Of harpe ftringes. 46.
Of fortune. 47.
Of choyfe. 48.
Of a falfe bragge. 49.
Of lying and true faiyng. 50.
Of a dawe pate. 51.
Of water and wine. 52.

Betwéene dogges & adéere. 53
Of twelue and one. 54
Of verdingales. 55.

Preceptis of one to his wif. 56.
Of a man expert. 57.
Of deliuerance from ill. 58.

Of

* 175
The table.

Of cutting of y"herbe time. 59

Of one fearing the fwette. 60

Of one thinking on an other.
61.

Of one beyng at a poynt. 62
Of Teftons. 63.
Of red Teftons. 64.
Of ftampyng. 65.
Of Iohn long the carier. 66.
Of turning. 67.
Of maifter Carter. 68.
Of goyng farre. 69.

How money is made lame. 70
Of an olde wooer. 71.
Of a young wooer. 72.
Of weakeneffe & ftrength. 73.
Warning of pride. 74.
Of pacience. 75.
Of pleafyng. 76,

Of a handgon and a hand. 77
Of Braffe and Siluer. 78.
A. difference betweene wyfe

men and fooles. 79.
Of a pithy wit. 80.
FINIS.

Of choyfe to be a wife man or
a foole, 81,
Of a knights carterly coller.
82.
Of males and male horfes. 83

A man difcommende. 84.
Of runnyng, 85.
Of Pollyng. 86.
Of plate lent foorth. 87

Of a man of law and his wife
88.

Of pennes and pence. 80.
Of a womans thinne tounge
90.
Of drinkyng to a man. 91.
Of runnyng at Tilte. 92.
Of expence. 93.
Of fraiyng of babes 94.
Of réedes and okes. 95.
Of biyng a morter. 96.
Of a ftepmother 97.
Of a lier. 98.
Of tunges and pinfons. 99.
Of Heywood. 100,

176
The fifth hundred of Epigrammes.

Of weenyng and wotiyng. 1.
Ife men in olde time, wold wéene thé felues fooles.
veo now in new time, wil wéene thé felues wife.
E vice wife, and wot wife differ in wife fchooles:
To wéene them felues wife, when fooles fo deuife,
As foolifhe as fruteleffe, is thenterprife.
This cafe is thus adiudgde, in wifedomes {choole:
Who wéenth him felf wife, wifdome wotth him a foole.
Made by Iohn Heywood to thefe fooles euerychone,
And made of Iohn Heywood, when he wéenth him felfe none.

 
 
  

Of a man of law and his clientes. 2.

Twentie clientes to one man of lawe,
For counfell in twentie matters did drawe.
Eche one praiyng at one inftant to fpéede,
As all at once woulde haue fpéede to procéede.
Fréendes all (quoth the learned man) ile fpeake with none,
Till one barber haue fhauen all, one by one.
To a barber they went all together:
And beyng fhauen, they returnde agayne thyther.
Ye haue (quoth the lawier) tarid longe hence.
Sir (quoth one) twentie could not be fhauen fence
Of one barber, for ye well vnderftande,
One barber can haue but one fhauyng hande.
Nor one lawier (quoth he) but one talkyng tung
Learne clientis this leffon of this lawier fprung.
Like as the barber, one after one muft fhaue,
So clientes of counfailours, counfaile muft haue.

An aduife agaynft mockyng. 3.
Vfe to thy true fréende no derifion
If thy fréende fpie it, he takth it poyfon.
Though thy fréend diffemble thefpiall cléerely,
Yet fpide in a fréende it toucheth him neéerely.
Z Telling

177
The fift hundreth

Tellyng thy fréende his faute, mockyng him not,
If he thanke thée not, then is he a fot.
Of tichyng and fmartyng. 4.

Itching and {martyng, both touch vs at quicke.
When we itche, we fcratch : when we fmart, we kicke.
But in our kickyng at our prefent fmarte,

Let vs confider our former defarte.
Of a fharpe tunge. 5.

Wife, I perceiue thy tunge was made at Egeware.

Ye fir, and yours made at Rayly, harde by thare.
Of ahorfe. 6.

A Tilt horfe, a/ias a beere horfe to bee,

Which wouldft thou bée? a béere horfe I fay to thée.

When the horfe is féene chéerely to drawe the béere.

He is fo prayfde, that he may be proude to héere.

At Tilte when the horfe runthe as faft as he can,

All crie well runne, not to the horfe, to the man.

And if the horfe fall with the man ouerlade,

Then crie they all, a vengeance on that lame iade.
Of a butler and a hors. 7.

The butler and the béere horfe both be like one.
They drawe béere both : that is truth to bide one.
Bothe drawe béere in déede, but yet they differ Ione:
The butler drawth and drinkth béere, the horfe drinkth none.

Of braffe. 8.

IT perceiue well now that braffe is waxen proude,
Becaufe braffe fo much with filuer is aloude.

And beyng both ioynde, fins they moft by braffe ftande,
That makth braffe bolde, to ftande on the vpper hande.
Of a louces dwellyng place. 9.

Were thou a louce and fhouldft choofe one dwellyng place,
Whether woldft thou dwell, hauing choife in this cafe,
In mens bigge breeches, or in womens thicke ruffes ?

I would be, both for the places and ftuffes,
In

178
of Epigrammes.

In fommer with women, in winter with men.

In fommer the womans necke pleafant then,

In winter the mans bréeche is clofe and warme.

Large walks for life to walke warme without harme.
Galeries, gable endes, cambers, parlers, halles,

Colde froft to defende, a dofen double walles.

Som féeld, fom hangd, fom dide, fom painted, fom ftaind,
Rents of all fife, great and {mall rentes retaynd.

And when by louce bityng, the legge is itchyng,

The barres of mens breeches haue fuch ftrog ftitching,
Such bolftring, fuch broydring, let men ftare and ftampe,
The louce is as fafe there, as he were in a campe.

In winter I fay thefe breeches are alone.

But then in fommer let the louce thens be gone,

For feare of a plague: if he then thither gette,

A thoufande to one, he fhall die of the fwette.

Of a firaunge glaffe. 10.
Good god what a glaffe to vewe is this?
See what an vnfightly fight here is.
Great promife, fmall performance.
Great countenaunce, {mall continuance.
Great winnyng, fmall fauyng.
Great hopyng, fmall hauyng.
Great hiues, {mall hony.
Great purfes, {mall mony.
Great gappes, {mall bufhes.
Great fpeares, {mall pufhes.
Great wine, fmall water.
Great woordis, {mall mater.
Great botome, {mall brinke.
Great brewyng, fmall drinke.
Great rent, {mall place.

Great fpace, {mall grace.
Z ij Great

179
The fift hundreth

Great drift, fmall fhifte.

Great gift, {mall thrifte.

Great watchyng, fmall catchyng.

Great patchyng, fmall matchyng.

Great bloud, {mall bruite.

Great flowers, fmall fruite.

Great wooddes, {mall okes.

Great ftaues, {mall ftrokes.

Great hennes, {mall egges.

Great hofe, fmall legges.

Great ftudie, {mall arte.

Great defyre, fmall defarte.

Great geuyng, fmall takyng.

Great marryng, fmall makyng.

Great fhippes, fmall faylyng.

Great loffe, {mall auaylyng.

Great markyng, fmall myndyng.

Great feekyng, {mall findyng.

Great lawyng, {mall louyng.

Great fturryng, {mall mouyng.

Great fowyng, {mall growyng.

Great trowyng, fmall knowyng.

T trow fo great ill, and fo {mall good,

In one glaffe together, neuer ftood.
Of driuyng and drawyng. 1.

If thou muft be forfte foorth to take iorney quicke,
Whether wold{t thou be driuen forth, or drawne forth Dicke?
I wolde be driuen forth Iacke : for as doth appéere,
Drawyng and hangyng drawe vengeable néere.

I thynke it leffe ill Iacke, hauyng choyfe in fcope. —
To be driuen with the whip, then drawne to the rope.
Of longe futes. 12.

Sutes hange halfe a yere in Weftminfter hall,

> At Tyburne, halfe an houres hangyng endeth al. _
Nothyng

180
of Epigrammes.

Of lightneffe. 13.

Nothyng is lighter then a feather, Kytte, -

Yes climme : what light thing is that ? thy light wytte.
Of a difagreement. 14,

Eche one man welny falth out with an other,

And lykewyfe eche thynge difagreeth with other.

Namely malte and water, thefe two thinges are

So far falne a funder, by fcornefull {quare,

That no bruer, be he luftie or lither,

Dare couch malte and water, in houfe togyther.

But chiefly fowre water now beareth fuch fway,

That, fwéete malte from brewhoufe, water driuth away.
Of chepenyng of contes. 15.

Iane thou felleft fwéete conies in this pultry fhoppe:
But none fo fwéete as thy felfe, fwéete conye moppe.
What is the price of thée? forfooth fhe tolde,

At what pryce fo euer my felfe fhalbe folde,
Strange is the hearyng, for ware or for monye,
To heare a woodcocke cheapen a conye.

Of a wyfe hauyng childe. 16,

My wyfe hath a childe now at fowre {core and ten.
At fowre fcore and ten yeres? nay fréend, nay : what then?
At fowre {core and ten quarters of a yere I ment.
Ment ye fo? and I ment yeres. by which extent
Your wyfe might féeme your mother : but now I fmell,
You may féeme your wyues father wonderfoole well.

Of a bachiler and a mayde. 17.

Is that bachiler a wooer to that mayde?
The commons common fo : tys commonly fayde.
Where dwelth that bachiler ? wyde a bowe of brydewell.
Where dwelth that mayde? at broken wharfe very well.

Of fhorte payment. 18.

Thy dettar wyll paie thée fhortly : fhortly ?

He will make that fhort lye, a longe lye, dread I.
Z iij Whence

r8tr
The fifth hundred

Whence certaine thinges came fyrft. 19.
Whens come great breeches? from little wittam.

Whens come great ruffes? from {mall brainfoorth they cam.
Whens come thefe round verdingales ? from f{quare thrift.
Whens come deepe copped hattes? from fhallow shift.
Whens come braudered gardis? from the towne of euill.
Whens come vncomde ftaryng heades? from the deuill.
Whens come thefe womans fcarfs ? from folly Iohn.
Whens come their glitteryng fpanges ? from much wanton.
Whens come perfumde gloues? from curiofitee.
Whens come fyne trapt moyles? from fuperfluitee.
Whens come cornde crooked toes? from fhort fhapen fhoone.
Whens come wylde hie lookers? from midfomer moone.
Whens come fayre painted faces? from peinters tooles.
Whens come all thefe? from the vicar of fainct fooles.

Of furved and lyned gownes. 20.
Thicke furd gownes worne in fomer, fhew bare worn thréedis.
Thin linde gownes worne in winter, come from S. néedes.

Of a wyne drawer. 21.
Drawer, thy wyne is euen with thée now I fée:
Thou perfyfte the wyne, and the wyne perfeth thée.

Shorte checkes betwene a man and his wyfe. 22.
I am carefull to fée thee careleffe, Iyll:
Tam wofull to fée thee wytleffe, Wyll.
T am anguifhte to fée thee an ape, Iyll:
I am angry to fée thee an affe, Wyll.
I am frettyng to fée thee flee from me, Iyll:
I am fory to fée thee feeke to me, Wyll.
I am madde to fée the mate thy hufbande, Iyll:
T am fad to fée thee fklaunder thy wyfe, Wyll.
I am dumpythe to fée thee play the drabbe, Iyll:
I am knappythe to fée the plaie the knaue, Wyll.
My

182
of Epigrammes.

Of a woman deckt in two coloures. 23.

My honny bes, blacke and white doth fet the out nette.

Thy here whyte as perle, thy téeth blacke as iette.
Of unfweete breath, 24.

Thine vnfauery breath lackth falte, beale belfabubbe:

It hath tane to much wynde in the poudryng tubbe.
Thy breath, hodge, with falte is fo fauery to fmell,
That no feafonyng lyckour, can feafon it well.

Of clyppyng and clenfyng. 25.

Not clyppyng your beards, why clyp you your nayles?
Not kombyng your heades, why wype you your tayles?
Thefe beyng fuperfluous thinges euery chone,

Kombe, clip, or clenfe all: or clip or clenfe none.
Of a man and his wyues departyng. 26.

Wife I will go abrode. wyll ye take the payne?

Beete : but when the diuell will ye come in agayne?

Makft thou me a diuell ? nay then be out of dout,

The diuell will come in, when the diuels damme goth out.
An account of a mans children. 27.

Wyfe, of ten babes betwene vs by encreafe growne,
Thou faift I haue but nyne.no mo of your owne.

Of all thynges encrefyng, as my confcience lythe,
The parfon muft needes haue the tenth for the tythe.
Of a woman of Huntington. 28.
Where dwelft thou Sys? I dwell at huntington nowe.
Lyke fo, for thou lookft lyke a nowe hunted fowe.
Where dwelft thou Sym? at hammer fmith dwell I.
A meete foyle for thee ? for hammer hed is hard by.
Of a laundres. 29.
A lyke laundres to thee, neuer fawe I.
Thy clothes wafht but once a weeke commonly,
Thy felfe wafhte once in an houre vfually.
And yet eche weekes ende doth this thus trie,
Thy clothes euer wette, thy felfe euer drie.
This

183
The fifth hundred

Of a cutter of purflane.
This herbe puriflane thou cutft pretily I fée:
But to cut apurfe in a lane, none lyke thée,
Of one fiandyng in his owne conceite. 31.
He ftandth well in his owne conceyte eche man tels,
So had he néede, for he ftandth in no mans els,
Of one that hard without eaves. 32.
I fée men heare, though they eares haue none.
Thou dofte heare me fpeake, thine eares beyng gone.
Of an archers rouyng. 33.
What a fhafte fhootes he with a rouyng arrowe?
Styll he hyts the marke, be it wyde or narrowe.
Where fhooteth this fharpe fhootyng archer moft, Wyll?
He fhooteth moft at rouers on fhooters hyll.
Of perill to one by the number of three. 34.
In thy hand I fée, thy fortune fhalbe fuche,
That the numbre of thrée fhall daunger the muche.
Thrée bedfelowes in thy bed fhall difpleafe thée,
Thrée lice in thy bumme bréeche fhall ofte difeafe thée,
Three cuppes full at once fhall oft dyfgyfe thée,
Three bearers of the hom fhall ofte difpife thée
Thrée drinkes, wyne, ale, and beere, fhall ouerflowe thée,
Three wreftlers in one fygne fhall ouerthrowe thée,
Three wiues in thrée yeres fhall wonderfly weare thée,
Three fhe beares thofe three yeres, fhall al to teare thee.
But in thinges numbred by three, aboue all théefe,
Blis the three thoufand tymes, from frame of three tréefe.
Of gloria patrt. 35.
Dicke I meruaile muche, why in eury plat,
Gloria paitri ftandth before Sicut erat.
Tom, Gloria patri is a gentleman:
In pleafant {péeche, fpeake fo fweetely no tung can.
Sicut erat is a churle fo rude and playne,

That to here him fpeake, all degrees do difdaine.
Is

184
of Epigrammes.

Ofadyar. 36.
Is thy hufband a dyar woman? alacke,
Had he no colour to die the on but blacke?
Dieth he oft? ye, to oft when cuftomers call,
But I wolde haue him one day, die once for all.
Were he gone, diar woulde I neuer mo wed,
Diars be euer diyng, but neuer ded.
Ofalugge. 37.
Pot him Iacke: pot him Iacke? nay pot him Iugge.
To pot the drunkarde, the lugge is the dugge.

Of the three cuppes. 38.
Whers thine In Iohn? at thrée cuppes in bredftrete Ihone.
At thrée cuppes in breadftrete ? well let bread alone.
At thofe thrée cuppes when euer thou dines or fuppes,
Ere thou goe to bed, thou haft in all thy cuppes.

Of braffe and Iron. 39.

Braffe and olde Iron who brought thofe two togyther ?
Braffe thinketh fcorne to fée them brought fo hyther.
Olde Iron is roufty and rotten to vewe,

Braffe with fyluer fayre blauncht and polyfhte newe.
Otherwyfe.

Braffe faide to olde Iron with braffe perkyng late,

Backe ye kancred karle, ye be not my mate.
Backe braffe (quoth Iron) plainnes is moft talowe.
I fhewe as I am: and fo doft not thou.

Of lacke and Iohn. 40.

Tacke and Iohn in degrée dyffer farre brother.
Tacke dawe is one, mafter Iohn dawes is an other. ,
Of wrefilyng. 40.

Where we wreftled by couples, we wreftle alone:
And thall, tyll tyme our fhakled bréeches be gone.
In fteppyng and ftrydyng it is a wunder,

How we wreftle to get our legges a funder.
Aa If

185
The fifth hundred

Of pryde. 42.

If thou wil néedes be proud, marke this fréend myne:
Of good déedes be not proude : they are not thyne.
But when thou plaieft the knaue in yll déedes growne,
Be proud of thofe yll déedes : they are thyne owne.

Of one hanged. 43.

What faute had he done that was hangde yefterday ?
Of any faute done by him I can nought fay.
Two or thrée two peny tryfles were layd to him,
But, his fayre gay hangde houfe, man, did vndo hym,
Here is tyt for tat, meafure met very trym:
Firft he hangd his houfe, now his houfe hath hangd him.

Ofadetiar. 44.

Doth your mafterfhyppe remember your dette to mée?
Remember my dette? ye fréende, I warrant thée:
I remember it fo, that though I fay it,
Te neuer forget it, nor neuer pay it.

Of louinge of a goofe. 45.

A goofe, gréene or gray whiche loueft thou better ?
A gréene goofe : for it is farre the fwetter.
Loue both as thy felfe, for as proofe fhewth ryfe,
Thou art and haft béene a goofe, all thy lyfe.

Otherwy/fe.

Thou loueft a goofe to much: ware furfet elfe.

T neuer fawe goofe yet, lyke thée, loue him felfe.
Of harpe firinges. 46.

Which ftring in all the harpe wouldft thou ftyll harpe on.
Not the bafe, I will be none vnderlyng, Iohn.
Nor the ftandyng tennor : for ftiffe ftandyng.
Nor the treble : for feare of to hye hangyng.
Nor the counter tennor : for countryng to long.
Vpon what harpe ftryng then wouldft thou harpe thy fong?
Aboue all ftryngs, when we fhall fall to harpyng.
The harp ftryng to harp on, is the meane harp ftryng.

; Take

186
of Epigrammes.

Of fortune. 47.
Take thy fortune as it falth, fome aduifeth:

But I wolde fayne take fortune as it rifeth.
Of choyce. 48.

Choice is good in moft thingis folke fay, in which choife,

For choife of one of two thinges, thou maift reioice:
For man aliue lyke thee franke choyfe can haue,
To play the knauythe foole, or the foolyfhe knaue.

Of a falfe bragge. 49.
I was neuer but an honeft man.
Put out that but, and thou faift truth than.
Of liyng and true faiyng. 50.
Wyfe, the people are difpofed all to lye:
For thou art commended vnyuerfallye.
Nay fyr: the people to tell truth, are all bolde,
For you are difcommended of younge and olde.
Of a dawe pate. 51.
Thou arte a very dawe pate, as euer I fawe.
Sir, in déede the pate is chiefe parte of a dawe:
For when dawes fhall appere in any cofte,
For all thofe dawes parts, their dawe pates be mofte.
Of water and wyne. 52.

Thou makft curtfy to wafhe handis with water of mine.
Makyng no curtfy to wafhe thy mouth with my wine.
But I pray the make this change in this matter ?

More curtfy at my wyne, and leffe at my water.
Betwene dogges and a deere. 53.

Set malles afyde : fayde a bucke to a greyhounde.

Beware of pryde : faid that dogge to that deere.

Be pacient in trouble : a hounde fayde rounde,

Louyng aduyfe to this déere this dyd appeere.

In which counfell geuen, to kyll him they run neere.

Whiche counfayle amounth to this euery man {éeth,

Comfort him with their tunges, kyll him with their téeth.
Aa ij It

187
The fifth hundred

Of twelue and one. 54.

It is twelue a clocke: fyr tys more, well ny one.
Is one more then twelue? thats a reafon alone.

Sir when the daie to after noone dooth amounte,
One is more then twelue, by our fextens accounte.
Of verdingales. 55.

Alas poore verdingales muft lie in the ftreete:
To houfe them, no doore in the citee made meete.
Syns at our narow doores they in can not win,
Send them to Oxforde, at Brodegates to get in.

Preceptes of a man to his wyfe. 56.

Stande ftyll wyfe, I wyll:

Be ftill wyfe, I nyll.
Now barke wyfe, I wyll:
To warke wyfe, I nyll.
Proue me wyfe, I wyll:
Loue me wyfe, I nyll.
Now chat wyfe, I wyll:
Leaue that wyfe, I nyll.
Keepe chayre wyfe, I wyll:
Speake fayre wyfe, I nyll.
Of an expert man. 57:
Is he fuch an expert man? an expert man?
Put out that ex, and no man more expert than.
Of deliuerance from pli, 58.
Wyfe, from all euyll, when fhalt thou deliuered bee ?
Sir, when I (faid fhe) fhalbe deliuered from thée.
Of cuttyng of the herbe tyme.

All tymes of the day to night from the pryme,
Thou gardner wylte not leaue cuttyng of tyme.
Thou wylt neuer leaue cuttyng of tyme, I fee,

Tyll fuche tyme, as tyme, fhall in tyme cutte of thee.
Sweatyng

188
of Epigrammes.

Of one fearyng the fwette. 60.
Sweatyng ficknes fo fearft thou beyonde the marke,
That winter or fommer thou neuer fweatft at warke.

Of one thinkyng on an other. 61.
When doth your maifterfhip thinke on me? euer.
When do you thinke vpon my matter? neuer.
Me ye remember, my matter ye forget:
Remembrance and forgetfulneffe, is wrong fet.
For I wolde wifhe you rather, if it might bée,
To remember my matter, and forget mée.
Of one beyng at a poynt. 62.
Is he at a poynte with his creditors? yée.
For he is not woorth a pointe they all fée.
Of teftons. 63.
Teftons be gone to Oxforde, god be their fpéede:
To ftudie in Brazennofe there to procéede.
Of redde Teftons. 64.
Thefe Teftons looke redde : how like you the fame?
Tis a token of grace : they blufhe for fhame.
Of fampyng. 65.
We ftampe crabs, we ftamp teftons : which ftamping doone.
We ftare vppon Teftons now beyond the moone.
Which ftampyng of Teftons brought it not fome fkill,
Our ftaryng on Teftons could iudge them but ill.
But as the whot funne melteth fnowe away,
So fhall whotte fire melt colde Teftons, as folke fay.
We, for Teftons leauyng fcoldyng and fquaryng.
And on Teftons leauyng ftampyng and ftaryng.
Of Lohn longe the carier.
Of what length is Iohn long the carier Prat?
A quarter of a yere long. how proueft thou that ?
Thertéene wéekes paft he fhuld haue brought me a wat:
But yet long Iohn, Iohn long: with that wat comth nat.
Aa iij Where-

189
The fifth hundred

Wherby I John fhort, am as fhort to compare,

As Iohn longe by this length is long to declare.

For as Iohn long lurkth to long this wat to fet,

So I Iohn fhort leape to fhort this wat to get.
Of turnyng. 67.

Wilt thou vfe turners craft ftill? ye by my trouth.
Much thrift and moft furetie in turners craft growth.
Halfe turne or whole turne, where turners be turning,
Turnyng kéepes turners from hangyng and burning.

Of mafter Carter. 68.

Is that gentlemans name mafter Carter? ye.
How his name and condicions differ now fe.
So cunnyng, fo cumly, fo curteifie, fo kinde,
So gentle a gentleman in eche mans minde:
That all men are ftriken in pitifull wunder,
To fée mafter carter and the carte a funder.

Of goyng farre. 69.

As he goth farre that neuer doth turne him backe,
So gofte thou farre wide : thou neuer turnft againe.
Wher thou goeft, or what thou dofte, come luck come lacke,
Thy felfe or thy matters foorth they go amaine.

To turne againe no counfayle can thée ftrayne.
Except thy will fhall fhowe thy witte in the wane,
Finde meanes to take a houfe in turne againe lane.

How money ts made lame. 70.

Money, with couetoufneffe thou doft reft fo,
That lacke of vfe doth lame thée : thou canft not go.
With prodigalitée thou trudgeft fo faft,
That exceffe of to much exercife, doth lame thée at laft,
Thefe twoo beyng lame lettis of extremitées,
Where woldft thou be lotted to be from both thées ?
With liberalitée wolde I be the meane.
With liberalitée ? nay he is gone cleane.

Lady

1990
of Epigrammes.

Of an olde woer. 7X.
Lady I loue you, in way you to wed:
But mine age with your youth difagréeth fo,
That if I fpeake : I thinke not to be fped.
Your age in your fute, is no whit your fo,
To your yeres many, had ye many mo.
We wold wed the fooner by yeres, fhowyng plaine,
That I fhould the fooner be vnwed againe.
Of a youg wooer. 72.

I brought thée late an olde riche widow to woo:
Whom thou mightft haue had, but nought woldft thou thé doo
Nor nought canft thou do now: thrift and thou art od.
For now lieth fhe fpéechles at mercy of god.

For the mercy of god bring me now to hir:
T neuer fawe méete time: till now, to woo hir.
Of weakeneffe and firength. 73.

Weakenes and ftrength, here fhowft thou both in préefe,
Thou art a weake man, and yet a ftrong théefe.

Warnyng of pride. 74.

Beware of pride, fayft thou to mée?

Let pride, fay I, beware of thée.

In euery place thou dooft fo watche him,
That if pride fturre, thou wilt fure catche him.
Of pacience. 75.

Be pacient in trouble . how can that bée?
Sins out of trouble nothyng pleafeth thée.

Of pleafyng. 76.

Be glad to pleafe, yea be glad to pleafe brother.

But whom ? pleafe thy felfe, fée thou pleafe none other.
Of a hande gonne and a hande, 77.
Thou haft a good handgoonne : but whats thy hand?
When thou fhootft of, out of daunger to ftand,
No ftandyng more fure in any place or plat,
Then to ftande clofe to the marke thou fhoottt at.
Braffe

1g
The fifth hundred

Of braffe and filuer. 78.
Braffe hath béene a loft, with filuer fet vp.
Come downe braffe and drinke on an afhen cup.

Of difference betwene wife men aud fooles. 79.

Betwéene wife men and fooles, among thinges many
This one differth . when both fortes get things any.
Which to their pleafures are pleafantly alloud,
Of thofe thingis wun, wife mé are glad, fooles be proud.

Of a pithy witte. 80.

Good god, what a pithy wit haft thou Dicke?
The pith of thy woordes fo déepe and fo tricke,
Thy woordes fo pythily pearfe to the quicke,
Pith of no woordes agaynft thy woordes may kicke,
No more then the pith of a goonftone may pricke,
Againft the pithy pith of an elder fticke.

Of choife to be a wife man or a foole, 81.

A wyfe man or a foole : if thou muft be one,
Which woldft thou be in winter, Iohn ? a foole Ihone.
Where beft men in winter fit next fire from colde,
There ftandis the foole warme while all his tales be tolde.
Which woldft thou be in fommer, when winter is gon?
A foole. a foole, why ? that why fhowth herevpon.
In fommer when ftates fit from fire in the coole,
At that boordes ende in coole ayre there ftands the foole.
Winter and fommer what time men muft to wurke,
Which woldft thou be? a foole to looké on and lurke.
All times of the yere for one thing or other,
Better be a foole then a wife man brother.

Of a knightes carterly coller. 82.

I bad this carter bring my collar of golde:
And he bringth me my horfe collar, holde knaue holde.
Sir if I may fpeake my thought without fearyng,
This collar of both fhowth beft for your wearyng.

, Of

192
of Epigrammes.

Of males and male horfes. 83.
Of al horfe, a male horfe would I not bée.
Where he erft bare one male, now berth he thrée.
Thofe are one behinde and one on eche fide,
The man, who on the male horfe doth ride,
Werth on eche legge, one male. for his floppes are,
Eche one floppe one male (kindely to declare.)
Longe, round, wyde, weightie as a male eche one.
But all horfe are now male horfes.euerychone.
For euery one horfe, bearth twoo males at leafte.
Of male horfe and male men, fréends heres a feafte.
A man difcommended. 84.
Not once.a yere ought féene in thée to alowe.
Not once a yere thy knée to god dooft thou bowe.
Not once a yere openeft thou thy lippes to pray.
Not once a yere fhowfte thou goodneffe any way.
Not once a yere geueft thou almes to. the poore,
Not once a yeré dooft thou repent thée therfore.
, But all times a yere thou wouldft all vnderftood.
Thou neuer dooft repent, but when thou dooft good.
Of runnyng. 85.
In poofte hafte run hoorefon run. art thou here yet?
Shall I run out of breath? nay run out of thy wit.
Of polling. 86.
Our heads grow to long, god geue our barbers curfes.
Our barbers polle no heads, our barbers polle purfes.
Of plate Pnte forth. 87.
Where is thy plate? lent out to a mariage.
Whither ? to fainct néedis. to whom ? to mafter gage.
Of a man of law and his wife. 88.
You beyng a pleader at law exelente,
Yet hath your wife brought you to an exigent.
Pray hir to let fall thaction at law now,
Or els, fo god helpe me, fhe will ouerlaw yow.
Bb Pennes

193
The fift hundreth
Of pennes and pence. 89.

Pennes and pence, differ far in proporcion.
The penny flat and round, the pen ftraight and long.
And yet for aydes, in cafe of extorcion,
Pennes and pence are like in workyng of wrong.

Of a womans thinne tounge. 90.
I neuer faw wife like thine for this thyng : Dicke,
Hir tung woondrous thin, and hir fpéech wondrous thicke.
Tom, I haue fpent much in vaine fince fhe was yong,
To haue hir thicke fpéeche as thinne as hir tong.
It is the tunge of tunges : Dicke, for runnyng rounde:
I take the tippe for filuer : by the fhrill founde.
It hath Tom, a fhakyng fharpe founde in the eare.
But it is no filuer, wolde god it weare.

Of drinkyng toa man. 9.
I drinke to thée Iohn : nay thou drinkft frd me Ihone.
When thou drinkft to me, drinke for me thou leueft none.

Of runnyng at Tilte. 92.
We apply the fpigot, till tubbe ftande a tilte.
Ye, ren at the fpigot tilt, leaue the {peare tilte thou wilte.

Of expence. 93.

What may he {pend ? ten pound a yere he might fpend.
Ift morgagde? nay : no man will one peny lende
Vpon it. ift folde? nay, no man will bie it.
Then he holdth it : nay, he can not come nie it.
Why foole ? how may he fpend ten pound by year than?
I faid not he may, but he might fpende it man.
Meanyng he might fpend it, if he had it.
O, if he had it: a fir the diuell mad it.

Of fraying of babes. 94.
When do mothers fray their babes moft from duggis.
When they put on blacke {crafs, and go like beare buggis.
Wyl

194
of Epigrammes.

Of Reedes and Okes. 95.

Wyll you réedes at the windis will ftil make lowe beckis?
Wyll you Okes ftand ftiffe ftil while wind breke your neckis?
Wyll you reedes, like apes, ftill tucke & bowe eche ioynt ?
Wyll you okes, like affes, ftill ftand ftiffe at one point?
Wyll you réedes be ftill bendyng bowyng bodies ?
Wyll you okes be ftill ftoute ftiffe necked nodies?
Wyll you réedes be ftaggeryng ftill for vayne auayles?
Wyll you okes be ftern ftill till your tops kiffe your tayles?
Wyll you reedes fhrinke ftill to all windes towardly ?
Wyll you okes {well ftill at all windes frowardly ?
Wyll you réedes crouch ftill to be the windis footeftooles ?
Wyll you okes crake ftill to be the windis hed fooles?
Okes wyll doo as we haue doone. fo wyll we réedes.
Wherin for our purpofe marke what ende procéedes.
In eche one ftorme a thoufand okes downe are blowne
In a thoufand ftormes not one réede ouerthrowne.

Of biyng a morter. 96.

That fpice mortar to fell it be you willyng?
Yea miftres? whats the price? ten fhillyng.
Ten fhillyng ? freende : I am hither entifed
To bie a fpice morter, not a morter {pifed.

Of a ftebmother. 97.

Thy fathers fecond wife, thy fteppe mother,
For a fteppe mother thers not fuch an other.
At three fteppes I faw hir fteppe, fins fhe was wed,
From a ftayre foote, ftraight vp to thy fathers hed.

Ofalyar, 98.

Where doth Frances fabler now lie, Iane?
At figne of the whetftone in double tunge lane.
He lieth by night : and by day dayly hée
Lieth downe right, in what place fo euer he bée.
That he lieth ftill day and night, this thing doth trie,
He neuer fpeketh woorde but it is a lie.

Ce ij One

195
The fift hundreth
Of tunges and pinfons. 99.

One difference this is, on which our tunges may carpe,
Betwéene pinching pinfons, and tauntyng tunges fharpe.
Where thefe twoo nippers nip any were or when,

Thofe pinfons nip dead thingis, thofe tunges nip quick men.

Of Heywood. 100.

Art thou Heywood with the mad mery wit?
Ye forfooth maifter, that fame is euen hit.
Art thou Heywood that applieth mirth more then thrift ?
Ye fir, I take mery mirth a golden gift.
Art thou Heywood that hath made many mad plaies?
Ye many plaies, fewe good woorkes in all my daies.
Art thou Heywood that hath made men mery long?
Ye: and will, if I be made mery among.
Art thou Heywood that woulde be made mery now?
Ye fir: helpe me to it now I befeche yow.

FINIS.

 
Al Sixt Hunded of
Ept-
grammes.

IQewlp inuented and made
bp
Jobn beptwood.
&

LONDINI.
Anno Chrifti.
1562.

197
To the reader.

Eeaders, reade this thus : for Preface, Proface.
Much good do it you: the poore repaft here,
A fyxt hundred dyfhes I bryng in place
To make good welfare, nay to make good chéere.
Fare is foode : chéere is mirth : fins meate is déere,
Not of meate but of myrth, cum yong cum olde,
Cum who cum wyll, here is open houfholde.

FINIS.
The Table.

Of rebellion.
Of tounge, mouth, téeth a
wifdome. 2.

Of Siluer to be borowed. = 3.
Ofanvnkindely matche. 4.
Of goynge to heauen and

hell Be
Of the hie waie and a maides

face, 6.
Of on that wold be praifed. 7
Of lookyng. 8.
Of a hare a foote. 9.
Of Hob and John. 10.
Of féekyng a dawe. Il.
Of faiyng grace. 12.
Of dette. 13.
Of fteppyng. 14.

Of wrytyng a gentleman. 15.
Of a wyfes affection to hir

hufbande. 16.
Of a mans thryuyng 17.
Of lernyng the lawe. 18,

Of good will and good déedes.
19.

Of Newgate wyndowes. 20.

Of treadyng a fhoe a wry. 21.

Of a fayre foowe. 22.
Of prayer. 23.
Of chéefe: 24.
Of a leafe. 25.
Of ftockis, 26,
A taunt of a wyfe to hir huf-

bande, 27.
Of pryde. 28.

To walke, talke, drinke and

fleepe. 20.
Of a lanterne and a light. 30.
Of a crie. 31.

Of a water mans rowyng. 32.
Of a tounge and a wytte. 33.

Of a peincter. 34.

Of Peter and Powle. 35.

Of loffe of helth and welth.
36.

Of looking out. 37.

Of chafing difhes. 38.

Of hangyng and ftandyng. 39
Of a mans head and the

pyllory. 40.
Prayfe of one. Al.
Of diuers bands. 42.
Of Couenants. &c. 43.

Of promife and paiment. 44.
Of one that dare not fteale. 45
Of the creacion of the diuelles

damme. 46.
of reward to a feruing ma. 47
Two propertées of a feruant.

48.

Of toughnes & tendernes. 49.
A queftion to a child. 50.

Of féekyng for a dwellynge

place. 51.
Of thrée foules. 52.
Of the affaiyng of a hat. 53.
Of bying a cote. 54.
Of paryng of nayles 55
Of a mans head. 56.
Of

199
The table.

Of money in ones purfe. 57.
Of fréendes and foes. 58.
Of diffrence in fundry thingis

59.
Of callyng one flebergebet. 60

Of crowes bréedyng. 61.
Of Powles. 62.
Of a crow keper. 63.
Of Rape féede. 64.
Of red rofes. 65.
Of peny ryall. 66.
Of Margerom. 67.
Of Popy. 68.
Of Tyme féede. 69.
Of Rue. 70.
Of Liuerwurt. 71.
Of pine appull. 72.
Of Hartis eafe. 73.
Of parfnep. 74.
Of Annes féede. 76.
Of Lettife féedes. 76,
Good newes to a man. 77.
Of leaft and moft maiftry. 78.

Of a man and a clocke. 79

Of a fpare horfe, 80.
Of a hufband hangd. 81.
Of horfedowne. 82.
Ofacocke andacapon. 83.
Of difdeigne. 84.
Of Petur. 85.
Of one in newgate. 86.
Of fauyng of fhooes. 87.
Of hogftowne. © 88.
Of Coleprophet. 89.
Of thinges vnlyke. 90.

Of the gentlenes of a wyfe. gI.
Of catchyng a flie. 92.
Of a horfe wearyng great
bréeches. 93.
Of a recknyng at a fhotte. 94.
Of vie. 95.
Of one afkyng for fhéepe. 96.
Of walkyng and talkyng. 97.
Of féeyng & féelyng money. 98.
Of takyng thinges wrong. 99 :
Of Rattes taken for diuelles
in a mans floppes. 100.

FINIS.

200
The fyxt hundred of Epigrammes.

Of Rebellion. 1.
Gainft god I dayly offend by frailte:
But againft my prince, or natiue countre,
With as much as bodkin, when I rebell,
The next daie after hang me vp faire and well.
The next daie after? nay the next daie before
Witfhe thou thy felfe hangd, in that case euermore.
Before, thou hangft honeftly vnwoorthyly.
After, thou hangft, woorthyly vnhoneftly.
But ho? at our fyrft dyfhe in our mery featt,
Why talke we of hangyng our myrth to moleft.
Be our chéefe no better then our pottage is,
Better faft than feaft at fuch feaftes as is this.
But beyng true to god, quéene, countre, and crowne,
We fhall at all feaftes, not hang vp, but fyt downe.

Otherwyfe.

Wylt thou be taken for a true Englyfhe man?
Ye : be true to god, thy quéene, and countre than.
Stand faft by thy countre, who ever wold wyn it,
Better ftand faft by it, then hang faft in it.

Of toung, mouth, teeth, and wifdome. 2,

The tounge is affinde, of woordes to be forter:
The mouth is affinde, to be the tounges dorter:
The téeth are affynde, to be the tounges porter:
But wifdome is fynde, to tye the tounge fhorter.

Of fyluer to be borowed. 3.
Haft thou any bowde fyluer to lende me Ione?

Nay : haft thou any broken fyluer for me? none.

Haft thou any clypt fyluer? I had, but tis gone.

Haft thou any crakt grote? crakt grote? nay not one.
No fyluer, bowde, broken, clypt, crakt, nor cut,

Hers a fréend for fréendfhyp, not woorth a crakt nut.

Cc This

 
The fyxt hundred

Of an unkyndly march, 4.

This lyke marche, as lyke as I am a march hare.
March is not fo lyke marche fréend: I would it ware.
Though fhap of the March hare fhow not in thee,

Yet haft thou the marche hares mad propertee.

Of goyng to heauen and hell. 5.

Of. heauen or of hell, which go folke faftest to?
To hell foole to hell, go fer more faft they do.
The hie way to both lyth thus as clarks tell,
Vp hill to heauenward, downe hill to hell.
Of the high way and a maydes face. ©.

The more the highway is wafht, the fouler it is.
Mayde, the high way and thy face are lyke in this.

Of one that would be prayfed. 7.
Wouldft thou be praifed ? ye: why ? praife pleafeth me well.
Ye, but how doth deferte of prayfe pleafe the, tell.

Of lookyng. 8.

Looke vpward to heauen my fréend : what,where lookft thou?
Sir, I was lookyng downeward to hell! for you.

Of aharea foote. 9.

I here by the hounds, the hare is a foote.

Then muft fhe to horfbacke, none other boote.
Nothyng doth more a hares hope of lyfe quayle,
Then doth a houndes nofe, ny a hares tayle.

Of Hob and Iohn. to.

Horfe and harneffe vp, on all handis : Hob and Iohn.
Hob and Iohn? nay. Lob and John: would now be gon.
But tyll your prince fturre you to harneffe to ftart:
Harneffe you your horfe, and get ye to the cart.

Of feckyng a daw. 11.

T haue fought fer to finde a daw : why thou elfe,
When thou wouldft quicly fynde a daw, féeke thy felfe.
What is Domine dawe in Englifhe to fay ?-

No mo Dawes : thou dawe, art dawes enowe for this day.
To

202
of Epigrammes.

Of faiyng grace. 12.

To fay grace fayre and to fay grace oft Iohn,
From Gracechurch to Grantam, thy lyke thers non.
At breackfaft, at diner, at fupper, at all,

At fyttyng, at ryfyng, haue grace we fhall.
Thers no man a lyue, in houfe, ftréete, or féelde,
That faith grace fo ofte, and fhowth grace fo feelde.

Of Dette. 13.
What diffrence in true dette, and blew dette, to rate ?
Diffrence as in diftance Ludgate and Newgate.

Of febping. 14,
In fteppyng one foote backe, fteppyng forward twayne,
My fteps fo ftept, are not ftept in vayne.
If one backftep, be as much as forefteps thrée,
By your ftout fteppyng your wynnyng let vs fée.
Where wyde ftrydyng fteppyng gets no gayne ought woorth,
As good to ftand ftone ftyll, as ftep one ftep foorth.

Of wrytyng a gentleman. 15.
Thou writft thy felfe gentleman in one woord brother.
But gentle is one woord, and man is a nother.

Of a wyues affection to hir hufband. 16.

I wene thers no wyfe lyke the wyfe of thyne.
Thy body beyng hers, yet dooth fhe enclyne,
Fayreft, or fouleft, whom fancy doth prefer,

To take whom thou lyft, fo thou touche not her.

Of a mans thrift. 17.
Lorde what thrift aryfeth in thy behalfe?
Thy fowe great with pyg, thy cowe great with calfe:
Thy ewe great with lambe : thy bytch great with whelpe:
Thy cat great with kytte : and more encreafe to helpe,
Thy wyfe great with childe : and to thew thy thrift foole,
Thy mare great with fole, and thy felfe great with foole.
Cc ij Thou

203
The fyxt hundred

Of learnyng the lawe. 18.
Thou wilte lerne the lawe, where euer thou bée.
Lyncolnes In, or Lincolne towne, both one to thée.

Of good wyll and good deedes. 10.

Is good will the best part of a fréend ? nay, nay:
Beggers with lordis fo, for fréendfhyp compare may.
Good déedes by good wyll had, differ there brother.
A pooddyng pricke is one, a mylpoft is an other.

Of Newgate wyndowes. 20.
All Newgate wyndowes bay wyndowes they bée.
All lookers out there ftand at bay we fée.

Of treadyng a fhooe awrye. 21.
My wife doth euer tread hir fhooe a wry.
Inward, or outward ? nay, all outwardly:
She treadth fo outward, that if fhe out wyn,
She wyll by hir wyll, neuer treade foote within.
Of a fayre foowe. 22.
IT neuer fawe a fayrer foowe in my lyfe.
A fyr, thy foowe is euen as faire as thy wyfe.
Of prayer. 23.
Some pray familorum familarum.
Sum fay, that is folorum, folarum.
Of cheefe. 24.
I neuer faw Banbery chéefe thicke enough:
But I haue oft féene Effex chéefe quicke enough.
Of aleafe. 25.
Thy leafe of frefhwharfe, byndth thée there to dwell:
Which thou haft forfyted, as thy neighbors tell:
Thefe foure yeres at frefhwharfe as folke confyther,
Thou haft not bene frefh, full foure houres togyther.
Of fiockes. 26.
Thy vpper ftocks be they ftufte with fylke or flocks,
Neuer become the lyke a nether payre of ftocks.
Wyfe,

204
of Epigrammes.

A taunt of a wife to her hufband. 27.
Wyfe, I wéene thou art dronke or Leunitike.
Nay hufband : women are neuer moone ficke.
Come that coniunction in time, late, or foone,
Weée fay (not the woman) the man in the moone.
Of pride. 28.
Fie on pride when men go nakte: nakte or clothed,
Pride is in all men a thyng to be lothed.
But yet may ye fée, though it doo ill acorde,
Sum nakte begger as proude, as fome clothed lorde.
To walke, talke, drinke or fleape. 29.
Walke groundly,
Talke profoundly,
Drinke roundly,
Sleape foundly.
Of a lanthorne and light. 30.
A Lanthorne and a light mayde : manerly fayde.
But whiche to be light ? the Lanthorne, or the mayde.
Of acrie. 31.
Thou loftft a marke in iffews, criers cry.
Crie not fo for me crier, and marke this why.
I woulde rather geue thée a gowne of Tiffew,
Then be in dread to léefe my marke in iffew.
Of a watermans rowyng. 32.
Thy fares ouer the water thou fhouldit row them,
But vnder the water thou dooft beftow them.
Of tunge and witte. 33.
Thou haft a fwift runnyng tunge : how be it,
Thy tounge is nothing fo quicke as thy wit.
Thou art when wit and tounge in running contende,
At thy wittes ende, er thou be at the tales ende.
Of a peinter. 34.
Thou arte the painter of painters, marke who fhall,
In makyng and fettyng colours aboue all,
C iij No

205
The fixt hundred

No painter, paintyng within Englands boundis,
Can fet fo fayre colours vpon fo fowle groundis.
Of Peter and Poll, 35.

I dwell from the citée in fubbarbes at rowles.
I pray to saint Peter to bring me nere Powles.
Alas, thou praift all in vaine, poore féely foule:
Peter will fet no hand, to bryng thée to Poule.

Of loffe of helth and wealth. 36.

How loft you your helth ?
That glotony telth.
How loft you your welth?
That loft 1 by ftelth.
Who was your welthes wringer ?
My thombe and my finger.

Of lookyng out. 37.

Stande in and looke out : hange out and looke not out.
Newgate and Tiburne, do bring both thefe aboute.
Of chafyng difshes. 38.

Wyfe, all thy diffhes be chaffyng difthes plaft:
For thou chafest at fight of euery difhe thou haft.
Of hanging and flandyng. 39.
Whether wilt thou hang vp with ropes of ynions?
Or ftifly ftande vp, with roperipe minions?
Forfooth, both for nomber and ftuffe truly caft,
As good hange with the firft, as ftand with the laft.
Of a mans head and the Pillery. 40.
Vpon the Pillery, your worthipfull hed,
Vnto the pillery doth woorfhip far fpred.
Which woorfhip the pillery requitthe ill now:
For as you woorfhip it, fo it fhameth yow.
A prayfe of one. 4X.
Se how fome aboue fome other, praifes win.
I praife thée for one thing aboue all thy kin.
They, without teachyng could neuer practife ought.
Thou canft play the knaue, and neuer was taught.

206
of Epigrammes.

Of diuers bandes. 42.

All kindis of bands to be bounde in being fcande,
Headband, fmockbande, flaileband, houfeband, or hufbande,
Which fhall bind thée? not the laft on fea nor lande.
Before hufbands bands, in deuils bands I wil ftande.

Of couenantes. &C. 43.

Many pofis without appoficion.

Many couenantis without good condicion.

Many promifes without good payment.

Many arbitterments without good dayment.
Of promife and paiment. 4A.

May I truft that he promifed ?

Ye : fcantly to be performed.

Promifth he thrife or he once pay?

Somtimes he doth : but not alway.

Some thinges he promifth to pay euer.

Which thinges fo promifde he paithe neuer.
Of one that dare not fleale. 45.

Thou borowft, and thou begft, but when wilt thou fteale?
Neuer : for to be hanged fir I haue no zeale.

Thou wouldit fteale if thou durft : ye but I dare not.
Well then for thy hangyng, in this world care not.
And in the world to come, as well thou fhalt fpéede,
For good will to fteale, as thou hadft {tolne in déede.
Of the creation of the deuils dam. 46.
When was the deuils dam create, tholde withred iade?
The next leape yere after wedding was firft made.
In an ill time. when the deuill will that deuill die?
At that yeres end, that endth weddyng finally.
Of reward to a feruyng man. 47.
Wayte well : thy maifter will do for thée I wis:
Canft thou {pie nothing to afke of him? yis:
But when I afke, I can not haue that I craue.
No, afke him bliffyng : and that fhalt thou surely haue.
Who

* 204
The fixt hundred

Two properties of a feruaunt. 48.

Who fo that hath a good feruaunt, kepe him well.
Wel muft I kéepe thée then by this that I tell.
Singuler in many thingis : in this aboue all,

To take thy wages great, and make thy feruice {mall.

Of toughnes and tendernes. 49.
For toughnes and tendernes bothe in one man féene,
One like your mafterfhip few or none hath béene.
Axe ought of ye: then are ye fo tart and tough,
That your tauntis would touche a hors hart moft rough.
Giue ought to ye : thus tender and méeke are you,
Teares like Tares from your iyes, your knees to ground bow.

A queftion to a childe. 50.

Who is thy father childe, axt his mothers hufband.
Axe my mother (quoth he) that to vnderftand.
The boy dalieth with you fir : for verily
He knowth who is his father as well as I.
The man, of this childes wit, was wrapt in fuch ioy.
That he knew not what he might make of the boy.

Seekyng for a dwellyng place. 51.

Still thou féekeft for a quiet dwellyng place.
What place for quietnes haft thou now in chafe?
London bridge. Thats ill for thée for the water.
Quéene hyth. thats more ill for an other mater.
Smartis Key. thats moft ill for feare of fmartyng fmart.
Carter lane. nay, nay, that foundth all on the cart.
Powles cheine. nay in no wife dwell not néere the chaine.
Wood ftréet : why wilt thou be wood yet once againe?
Bread ftréete. thats to drie by drought thou fhalt be dead.
Philpot lane. that bréedth moift humours in thy head.
Siluer ftréete . Coper fmithis in Siluer ftréete : fie.

Newgate ftreete. ware that man, Newgate is hard bie.
Fafter

208
of Epigrammes.

Fafter lane : thou wilt as foone be tide faft : as faft.
Crooked lane: nay crooke no more, be ftreight at laft.
Créede lane : they fall out there, brother againft brother.
Aue mary lane : thats as ill as the tother.

Pater nofter row: Pater nofter row?

A gréede : thats the quieteft place that I know.

Of three foules. 52.

Thou haft three foules in charge : thy body foule one,
Thy féete foules twayne : but let thy feete foules alone:
Difcharge thy body foule : and féete foules, poore elues,
They fhall pay their owne fées and difcharge them felues.

Of one faying of ahat. 33.

Sayd he that hat on his hed ? nay : chaunce fo led,

That by that time the hat cam he had no hed.

Of biyng a coate. 54.

I muft bie a new coate for fhame.
To get fhame? nay tauoyde the fame.
Tauoyde fhame, thou maift defire it,
But ten new coates will not hier it.

Of paryng neyles. 55.

Payre my neyles wife : nay man, if your neiles fayle,
Where can ye finde fréendes to fcrat your fcabd tayle?
Pare thine owne neyles then : for as they be led,

They proue féendly fréendes in {crattyng my hed.
That may be: but as thofe woordes are foone fpoken,
So euen as foone is a fcald mans head broken.

Of a mans head. 56.
Thy head is great, and yet féemth that head but thin:
Without here without, and without wit within.
Of money in ones purfe. 57.
He hath in his purfe fortie or fiftie pounde.
Put z to ov, and marke then how that doth founde.
Dd The

209
The fixt hundred

Of freendes and foes. 58.

The deuill fhall haue fréendis : and as good reafon goes,
That the deuill fhall haue fréendis : as god fhall haue foes.
Of diffrence in fondry thinges. 59.

Small diffrence betwéene receiuyng and takyng:
Great difference betwéene maryng and making.
Small diffrence betwéene fighyng and fobbing:
Great diffrence betwéene baffyng and bobbyng.
Small diffrence betwéene fayre lookes and fayre woordes:
Great diffrence betwéene blount woordes and fharp fwoordes.
Small difference betwéene talkyng and tellyng:
Great diffrence betwéene {martyng and {mellyng.
Small diffrence betwéene true loue and truftyng
Great diffrence betwéene rubbyng and ruftyng.
Small diffrence betwéene lowryng and fnowryng:
Great diffrence betwéene laughyng and lowryng.
Small diffrence betwéene wafte ware and wéedes:
Great diffrens betwéene good woordes and good déedes.
Small diffrens betwéene cloofnes and confealyng:
Great diffrence betwéene geuyng and ftealyng.

Of callyng one fiebergebit. 60.

Thou flebergibet : flebergebet, thou wretche?
Wottft thou wherto laft part of that word doth ftretche?
Leaue that woorde or Ie bafte ye with a libet:
Of all woords I hate woordes that end with gibet.

Of crowes breedyng. 61.

I woulde wifh fome good prouifion to prouide,
That Crowes fhould neuer bréede by the hie waies fide.
They fo miftruft euery man to fteale their burdes,
That no man can fcape their opprobrious wurdes.
No man paffeth by, what foeuer he bée,
But thofe crowes be knaue him to the ninth degrée.
Should the crowes word ftand when he ragis and raues,
We fhould haue in England fortie thoufand knaues.

Thankes

210
of Epigrammes.

Of Powles. 62.
Thankes to god and good people, Powles goth vp well:
Powles goth vp, but when goth poolyng downe : that tell.

Of a crowe keper. 63.

There be many cald crowe kéepers : but in déede
Thers no crowe kéeper but thou. in time of féede,
Where other kéepe crowes out, like fteruelinges forlorne,
To keepe crowes in plight, thou keepeft crowes in the corne.

Of Rape feede. 64.

Haft thou any Rapefeede? ye : if you to rape fruite fall,

Here is Rapefeede : but thers hempfeede mixt withall.

Of ved Rofes. 65.
What thinke ye worthe one buffhell of red rofes?
More worthe then are two buffhels of red nofes.

Of Peniryall. 66.
I feeke Peniryall : haue ye eny?
Séeke furder : I haue nother ryall nor peny.

Of Margerum. 67.
Haft any Margerumgentill ? ye in deede.
But it is fomwhat mingled with Nettilfeede.
Of Poppie. 68.
Lets fe Poppie feede : my Poppie feede is gone.
But for your grounde, I haue puppie feede alone.
Of Time feede. 69.
Haue ye any Time feede? Time feede, ye be roode:
But it is fo miftimde, that it bringth no time goode.
Of Rue. 70.
I would haue a groatefworth of your feede of rew.
Ye fhall haue Rew feede inough, both olde and new.

Lyuerworte. 71.
What lacke you fir? Lyuerwort feede I come to craue.
Lyuerwort I haue none : but Lipwort feede I haue.
Dd ij Haft

211
The fift hundreth

Of pine appell. 72.

Haft thou any graffes of the Pine appell trée?

Ye: pining graffes, great growers as can bée.
Of hartes cafe. 73.

Haue you any hartes eafe féede? ye for god, I.
But what other ware with harts eafe will ye bie?
None: then haue I no harts eafe for you brother:
We féede fellers muft fell féedes one with an other.
To bie harts eafe {éede of me, that no man fhall,
Except he bye fome féedes of ars fmiart withall.

Of Parfnip feede. 74.

Here is Parfnip féede that will nip you as nere,

As ye were nipt with any parfnip this yere.
Of Anneffe feede. 75.

This Anneffe féede is browne : but to occupie,

Browne Annes as fwéete, as white Annes like I.
Of lettis feede. 76.

T would bie lettes féede for my garden Ihone.
Lettes féedes? forfooth good mafter I haue none.
But put out es, and thefe {éedes Ile auow,

Beft féedes in England for your garden and you.
Of good newes toaman. 77.

What newes? good newes for thée as wit can fcan.
We haue newes that thou art an honest man.
Thefe newes comyng euen now thus frefh and new,
All men take for good : no man takth for trew.

Of least and moft mafirie. 78.

What is the leaft maiftrie thou canft deuife?
Leaft maiftrie is a foole to wéene him felfe wife.
What is the moft maiftrie that thy wit fpife ?

The moft maiftrie is, to make a foole wife,
Of a man and aclocke. 79.

Men take man of earthly thinges moft excellent:
But in one thing thou femft vnder that extent.
i A clocke

212
of Epigrammes.

A clocke after noone aboue thee I avowe.

A clocke can go alone then : fo canft not thou.
Of a fpare horfe. 80.
Haft thou any {pare horfe to lend me one?
A fpare horfe ? thers one : take him and be gone.
Sadled and brydled he was, and with that,
As the man leapt vp, the horfe fell doune flat.
He fell without helpe : but then vp to get,
Fyue men were to fewe him on foote to fet.
A fpare horfe (quoth he) the diuell may {pare him:
He that fhall occupie him muft bare him.
Sins this {pare horfe will not ferue the brother,
Yet of my fpare horfes hers an other.
Vp lept the man, hens ran the horfe amayne:
In ten myles galloppyng he turnd not agayne.
For iudgement in fpare horfe, let this be comparde:
Run euer, run neuer which may beft be fparde.
Of a hufband hangd. 381.

Is thy hufband hangd ? he was: but he is nat:

In fpyght of his foes I found fréends to eafe that.
For or my déere hart had hangd fully houres twayne,
I gat his pardon and cut him downe againe.

Of Horfadowne. 82.

Hyredft thou not this horfe at Horfadowne? yis.
Where is Horfadowne? that maift thou lerne by this:
In hye way, lowe waye, feyre way, foule way, féeld, towne,
Where fo euer this horfe is, there is Horfeadowne.

Of a Cocke and a Capon. 83.
A braue capon by a brag cocke late beyng,
The proud cocke thinkyng fcorne, the fame fo féeyng,
Sayde to the capon: what thou barren baftarde,
Perkft thou with me here as I were a hafkarde.
Where I, comely combed crowyng cockyng cock,
Am hufband or father to all this hole flock.
Dd iij What

213
A fyxt hundred

What (quoth the capon) thou lewde lecherous wretch:
Thefe chickens all for thine bendft thou this brag to ftretch?
As though there were but one treadyng cock alone,
Yes cocke yes : there be mo treadyng cockes then one.
But fyns thou thus proudly doft make this auaunt,
To repreffe thy pryde, take this tale for a taunt.
T haue of mine owne : I treadyng hennes neuer,
As many chickens as thou, treadyng thy hennes euer.
This ftrake the cocke in a déepe dumpe, dull and dead.
Hauyng a ftyll toung he had a befy head.
Two daies after this, he trode not nor fed not,
His comb fore cut : but thankes to god it bled not.

Of difdeigne. 84.

Ift maiftry to difdeigne thinges by enuyfe fcoole?
Nay nay, no more maiftry then to be a foole.

Of Peter. 85.

Peter the proude, and Peter the poore, in whiche,

Poore Peter oft as proude, as Peter the riche.
Of one in Newgate. 86.

Art thou in Newgate to ftand to thy tacklyng?

Nay : I am in Newgate to ftand to my fhaklyng.
Of fauyng of fhoves. 87.

Thou wearft (to weare thy wyt and thrift together)

Moyles of veluet to faue thy fhooes of lether.
Ofte haue we féene moyle men ryde vpon affys:
But to fée affys go on moyles : that paffys.

Of hogftowne. 88.

The head man in hogftowne, hogherd is expreft:
Where hogis be parifhioners, hogherd muft be beft.
Yet hogis head in hogftowne is no Iohn a droyne,

Pigs dare not quich there, if hogis head hang the groyne.
Of coleprophet. 809.

Thy prophefy poyfonly to the pricke goth:
Coleprophet and cole poyfon thou art both.

Like

214
of Epigrammes.

Of thinges unlyke. 90.
Lyke wyll to lyke men fay : but not alway fo.
Contrary to contrary oftymes doth go.
When folke be moft open, their lowe parts moft lofe,
Then go they to ftooles that be made moft clofe.

Of the gentleneffe of awyfe.  9l.
Thy wyfe is as gentle as a falcon : trew.
And namely in this kynde of gentleneffe : Hew.
Beyng not hungry, lewre falcones when ye lift,
They wyll check oft, but neuer come to the fift.
Of catchyng afl). 92.
A boy on his booke clapt hand to catche a fly:
Haft hir cryde his maifter? nay god wot I.
Then thou fhalt drinke : maifter I haue hir I thinke.
If thou haue hir faide the maifter, thou fhalt drynke.
To furious maifters, what helpth fayre fpeeches:
Flies caught or not caught, vp go boyes bréeches.

Of a horfe wearyng great breeches. 93.
My horfe to weare greate bréeches is now afynde:
Why ? to kepe him from enterferyng behynde.

Of a recknyng at a fhotte. 94.
Geue vs a recknyng vppon this pot fyllyng:
What haue we to pay in all? ten fhyllyng.
What comth our meate to? foure fhyllyngs vp and downe.
Whatis drynke? fyxe fhyllyngs : thats to fay a french crowne.
Why : haue we droonke more then we haue eaten, knaue?
Ye, as many other men, many tymes haue.
Looke where fo euer malte is aboue wheate.
There in fhotte euer drinke is aboue meate.
Of vfe. 95.
Vie maketh maiftry, this hath bene faid alway:
But all is not alway: as all men do fay,
: In

215
A fyxt hundred

In Apryll the Koocoo can fyng hir fong by rote,

In Iune out of tune fhe can not fyng a note.

At fyrft, kooco, kooco, fyng ftyll can fhe do,

At laft kooke, kooke, kooke : fyxe kookes to one ko.

Of one afeyng for fheepe. 96.
Cam there any fhéepe this way, you fheepifhe maidis? nay:
But euen as you cam: there cam a calfe this way.

Of walkyng and talkyng. 97.
Walke thou narowly, walke thou néerely:
Walke as thy walke may ende chéerely.
Talke thou bafely, talke thou boldely:
In all thy talke, talke thou coldly.
Walke thou weatly, walke thou dryly:
In thy walke, walke not to hyly.
Talke thou meryly, talke thou fadly:
Talke as thy talke may take ende gladly.
Walke thou dayly, walke thou wéekely:
In all thy walke, walke thou méekely.
Talke thou foftly, talke thou loudly:
In any talke, talke not proudly.
Walke thou fyrftly, walke thou laftly:
Walke in the walke that ftandth faftly.
Talke or walke oldly or newly:
Talke and walke plainly and trewly.

Of feeyng and feelyng money. 98.
Lackyng fpectacles, canft thou fée money, Iohn?
Ye: but hauyng fpectacles I can féele non.

Of takyng thinges wronge. 99.
Perfeyued and taken thinges right, thou haft long:
But for one thyng in thee long fens taken wrong,
Thy credite is toucht, and thou therby the wurs.
What thyng fayft thou haue I taken wrong ? a purs.
A
of Epigrammes.

Of a number of rattes miftaken for
diuelles in a mans floppes. 100.

A byg breecht man fearyng a déere yere to cum,

Beftowde in his bréeche a chéefe hard by his bum.
And leauyng of thofe hofe for dayes two or thrée.
Rattes two or thrée crept into that bréeche they bée:
Poyntyng them felues of that chéefe to be kéepers.
In which ware watch be fure they weare no fléepers.
No wyght rydyng men: from Sandwich to Sarum,
Could wyn that chéefe from them without a larum.
At thrée daies end this man puttyng thefe hofe on,
Hauyng tyde his points, the rattis began anon
To ftarte and to fturre that bréeche round aboute,
To féeke and fynde fum way, what way to get out.
But that bréeche was bolftred fo with fuch brode barres,
Suche crankis, fuch cony holes, fuch cuttes and fuch ftarres,
With warde, within warde, that the rattes were as faft,
As though they with théeues in newgate had bene caft.
But this man in his bréech feelyng fuch fumblyng,
Such rollyng, fuch rumblyng, ioyftyng and iumblyng,

- He was therwith ftriken in a frantike feare:
Thinkyng fure to him felfe that fome fprites were theare.
He ran out, he cride out, without cote or cloke,
Thofe rattes in thofe ragges whinde lyke piggis in a poke.
A coniurer cride he in all hafte I beféeche,
To coniure the diuell : the diuell is in my breeche.
Runnyng and turnyng in and out as he flung,
One of the rattis by the rybbes he fo wrung,
That the rat in rage to his buttock gat her,
She fet in hir teeth, his eyes ran a water.
She bote, he cride, dogs barkt, the people fhowted,
Hornes blewe, bells rung, the diuell dredid and douted.

Ee To

217
The fyxt hundred

To be in his breech to bryng him ftreight to hell.

The wo and wunder wherof, to much to tell.

At laft to fée what buggis in his breech fraide him.

Foure or fyue manfull men, manfully ftayde him.

The rattes hoppyng out at his hofe pullyng of,

All this fad matter, turnd to mery feof.

When he faw thefe rattes by this cheefe brought this feare
Reioyfyng the fcape he folemnly did {weare,

That in his breeche fhuld come no cheefe after that,
Except in his breeche he weare fure of a cat.

FINIS.

IMPRINTED AT
London in Fléeteftrete
by Thomas
Powell.

Cunt priuilegio.

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APPEND ZX.

VARIATIONS IN THE EDITION OF

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1566.

Anno chrifti omitted.

For one of them thinke I to take out of hande.
Sens that one will not, an other will,

While betweene two ftooles, my tayle go to the grounde.
And will may wyn herte, herein to confent,
Whiche is, whether beft or wurft to be to be ledde
The, vit. Chapiter.

For he er this thought this beft to be.

Ye Ales, of a good beginning comth good end.
Whom in itching no fcratchyng forbere,

Like a pickpurs pilgrim, ye prie and proule

Colts (quoth his man) proue well with tatches yll.
My fifter in lawe, and mine owne brother,

But hakney men fay, at mangy hakney hier,

And byr lady freend . nought lay downe, nought take vp.
To win me the woorth of a draught of drinke.
Beggerly beautie, and reueld ryches take.

What he woulde haue, his wife was fet

And hir beggs baggeft into his bofom fwept.
Thefe two paft, he fayd to me, whan ye will,

Well amended (quoth I) whan ye both relent,

As tholde yewes. God forbyd wife, ye fyrft iet.

On his part, to this yong wife did appeere.
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Appendix of Variations.

I fee, you can not fee the wood for trees.

As a lyke compare in tafte, chalke and chefe.

At your handes. and let fall hir holde, than be bolde.
Three maie kepe counfayle, if two be away.
Sometyme in feelds, fometyme in the woodes.

What, a cat maie looke on kyng, ye know.

Then haue ye his head vnder your gyrdell.

If ye can hunt, and will ftand at recite.

Your maide examine, maketh him open ftreite.
Without proofe to his proofe prefent or pat.

Not minding therby, to depraue your wit,

And in mad ieloufy fhe is farre gon.

The prouerbe faith, he that ftrike with the fwoorde,
Reporteth for a trouth, to the mofte mifcheefe

And than, that the eie feeth not, the hart renewth not,
But ye can not fee a blocke in your owne.

Thus to ende all thingis be we leefe or lothe,

Thou fareft to well (quoth he) but thou art fo good,
Thou letteft euen flyp, lyke a waghalter flypftryng.
And runth away with it, where eche man feeth,
Sooth bourd is no bourd, ought that mirth doothe.
Than wolde ye mend, as the fletcher mende his bolte.
I haue herde fome, to tell this tale not feelde.

Ye ftumbled at a ftrawe, and lept ouer a blocke.

I will learne, to ftop two gaps with with one buthe.
Ye like then better an ynche of your will,

I could doo as muche with an hundred pounde now,
This light burdeine in long walke welny tyreth me.
Found weddyng, for loue, as good onely to flee.
(For vnhoneft termes (I truft) there none here foundes)
A lowfe and flea.

A herer of fermon.

Thicke heares and thinne wittes be pleyntee.
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Appendix of Variations. 221

All that be dead, dide for lacke of wynde.

Of a foxes forgeyng fo feat reafon?

Betwene thefe hennes and yonde wethercocke

A courfe with a greyhound at the hare in the feelde,
But it was at leaft wynkt at, I hear of trowth.

And as for holy day, thou doeft breake none,

Thou haft a fhrewde wit in defre to dwell,

Thus in precepts, except thou cleere appeere

Whiche were the beft choice, froft neuer, and fnow euer,
Made I a lie to thee? Nay (quoth he)

A loufe and flea.

Of the woorde enough.

To ftrike and chime . 12 . two houres before noone.
Claw wher it doth fmart, tikell, where it doth itche?
Ye: but we may far fooner leerne (quoth I)

And to be as wife as thou I wot art,

Of treadyng of a worme.
Of mirth and wifdome.
Of the foxe preachyng.
All thinke better take. 20. poundes, then geue one.
Better for byrdes, but for byrders not fo good.

Thou art far paft fhame, fhame to thinke on.

Store is no fore, yes, {tore may be fore.

Yong fainte, olde diuell: thers mo of women kinde:

As good to play for nought, as woorke for nought:

Of peinted _fheathe.

May haue a lyttle, ventryng is no fuch.

But ftreight there comth, a carteweare, of good horfes by:
Meafure is a mery meane.

But how may we be fure, that Malkin is one?

A fcabde horfe is good enough, for a fcabde fquyre.
Not nowe, but we were made fey fo long a fpace.
Yonge fooles, and olde fooles, eche other will difdayne.

é
ij
iij

ij

iij

Aa
ij

Bb
ij

Ce
iij

. Page
j 164

170
171
174
175

177
178

179

181
182

184

185
187

193
195

202
205

206
208

Line

Appendix of Variations.

Of fmaule and greate. 234.

Of the keyfe. 235.

Hap catcheth and holdeth very few doles.

Of long flandyng. 291.

Of fmellyng.

Of the leaft tittle. that can come in triall.

Of difagreement.

Of louyng of a geefe.

Betweene dogges & deere.

Of aduife agaynft mockyng.

Of horfe.

I would be in both, for the places and ftuffes,
Galeries, gable endes, chambers, parlers, halles,

And when by louce bityng, the legge itchyng,

You mayfeeme you, your wyues father woonderfoole well.
Whens come thefe glitteryng fpanges ? from much wanton.
Whenscomecornecrooked toes? from fhort fhapen fhoone.
Like fo, for thou lookft lyke a newe hunted fowe.

Of the cutter of purflane.

So had he neede, for he ftandth in mans els.

Of wrefilyng. 41.

For choyce of one two thynges, thou maift reioice ?
Sir, in deede the pate is the chiefe parte of a dawe:
Thofe are one behinde and on eche fide,

Bb ij

Yet haft thou the march hares made propertee.

Of lanthorne and light.

Thou lofift a marke in iffews, criers cry.

_ At thy wittes end, er thou be at thy tales ende.

Newgate and Tyburne, do bring both about.

Who is thy father childe, axe his mothers hufband.
Smarris Key. thats moft ill for feare of fmartyng {mart.
Carter lane. nay, that foundth all on the cart.
Sig. Page
Cc iij 208
Dd 209

ij 211
212

215
216

Ee 218

Line
30
22

19

19
24

Appendix of Variations. 223

Philpot lane. that breedth moift humours in the head.
Where can ye finde freendes to fcart your fcabd tayle?
Haft thou any Margerumgentill ? ye in deede.

Of a pine tppell.

Beyng not hungry, lewre falcons when he lift,

My horfe to weare greate breeches is afynde:

Talke and walke blainly and trewly.

All this fad matter, turnd to a mery fcof.

CHARLES SIMMS AND Co., PRINTERS.
. Spenser Society.

LIST OF MEMBERS.

ADAMS, George E., M.A., F.S.A., College
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Agnew, C. S., Mount street, Manchester

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LIST OF MEMBERS. 4

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