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Les cartes, planches, tableaux, etc., peuvant dtre film^s d dss taux de reduction diff^rents. Lorsque le document est trop grand pour dtre reproduit en un seul cliche, il est filmd A partir de Tangle supdrieur gauche, de gauche d droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d'images ndcessaire. Les diagrammes suivants illustrent la mdthode. 32 X 1 2 3 4 5 6 HOUSE OF THE GALLERY 2d Session, 3d Parliament. Official (5oiTe^^xn]dei^ce Between the Honorable the FIEST MINISTER OF DUFFY and His Edited Majesty NIGHT BLOOMING CliRES, Monarch of *— .frtiT °' "^ '''"' '-''-' "'=■• '■"=•• -'»«™ '° «"■• IMPERIAL, LUNAR, GRAiNl), MID-AIR, LUNATIC GOVERNMENTAL RAILWAY, >; '«AL.SO TlIK REPORTS OF THE CHIEF EXGINEER, AXD THK DRAFT TREATY IN RELATION TO THE SAME, WITH THE SPEECH FROM THE THROKE. Prinled in compliance with a Resolnlinn of the Hoime of the Gallery, dated March 31s/, 1875. OTTAWA : PE1.VTED BV TUB CITIZE.V I'UINTING AND ri-BLlSIIIXC. CO.MI'.iSV, 1875. Offidkl CJoffe^.por|cler|c5e BETWEEN DUFFY'S GOVEENMENT OF THE UNIVERSAL PARLIAMENT OF THE GALLERY AND THE VISIONARY SUPREME I EXALTED GOVERNMENT I MOON In compliance with a resolution of the said Government, dated March Hth 1875 From the Ethereal Government of Moonland to Duffv's First Minister. Palace op Lunar, 16th Kino. ILLUSTRIOUS MAGNATE OP A LARGER WORLD. The quaking of mountains and the surging of oceans of cliecso, lieralded the approach of your Commissioner, whose mighty sneeze convulsed our empire. Know, First Minister his mtsr '''''"''''"''"'' *'^' '''' ^*^^'^^""^ '' his footsteps impressed us with the g^Zyof « thf iir'^^'f ? ""? '^"^^ '"'P'"*''^ ^'''""S'' ^"'' '^'^""<' glasses and we bade him welcome as the representative of a mighty planet. "^-iLome The practicability of a scheme which reflects no small crfedit upon your empire has raised you in our estimation and we thirst for a lesser interval between drinks. Know then, First Minister, that, by command of our Monarch of the Moon fmav his name ever be exalted I) it is my duty to inform you of the resources of our system, wE^s though borrowed, throw upon your rubicund countenance its halo of intellectuality. NortrbV'rlr^ ^°'^^ iB ten-herto-miUions of myiiadical spheres. It is bounded onthe "The MUky WaT on th^ "T . '"""°""' ^"'"*=^' ^*"^' ^" ^°"^ ^"^^^ P"'--. ihe Milky Way , on the South by a remote region, between the inhabitants of which and us, there exists an intense coldness ; on the East by a large section of comparati vet nfe^j bemgs of evangelical proclivities ; on the West by millions of shadowv forms of one Horlce Or eley, whose harmless diversions chiefly consist in vapoury-agricultural pursuits A s^e i railway, in course of construction, between this and a^ljacent smaller sphere wi» expected, develop much useful information as yet unknown. ' ^J^:Z^^tZ^^'" ^°"^^"*"^^' ^''^^^^ ^''''' '^"^ ^ "- -'^ valuable We have also a natural soda water spring, with a rivulet of pine brandy, about a auaiier of a mile distant. Large mounds of compressed meerschaum and iLit,.tion b iLr r^o canTj In iu abundance Our minor minerals are soft soap, diamonds, rubies, and other gems ^^-h wc give our chUdren to play with, or exchange with the barbarous tribe of smaller w^ Ids for po luck and other useful commodities. Root beer affords us a large source of revenue An AreoHt Manui..tory for pyrotechnic purposes has recently been established. It is a v"^ light tuccm and these useful instruments are utilised as a means of telegraphing to Kingdom Kum Wc are riothod in iunotcncfi— nothing more. Tho naked truth is tho first principle of our Constitution. Tlic " iiglit of otlier days" is iitUizcd to a large extent, and we arc informed l>y your Amliassador tlmt this is the " Lielit ho aiglia for, Uii'ii for And cxc'laimi ' my rye ! ' for TIiIh llKlit all other lights beats out of time; Camphiue or Solar I'arnfiiic or Lime <»'cr tho Klectric it has quite tho pull And beats tlic Ihulo light its ao.beautiful." Ancniigiitenod press is not the least of the many advantages we possess. Wo give no "puflfs" and no credit. Subscriptions, unless paid in advance, are never expected fo be paid for, and editorials are characterized by a liglitness of phraseology which prevents them assum- ing an heaviness inconsistent with Lunar principles. Our " House of Commons," as you call it, is no common affair, it consists of a number of stars, each one a speciality in liis own i)artinular line of business. The Reports of the House are taken down in sulphur by a competent staff of Intellectual lucifers. Our manufactories arc of a kind which must be seen to be appreciated. Our principal establishment, organized by the Government, is for the manufacture of New Ideas. It pays a large profit to the country. VVc have also another for tho condensing l)y machinery of Obscure Jokes, and by that means a largo amount of brain labor is saved. The manufacture of asrated biscuits is another large soiu'co of revenue. Our atmosphere is of a kind that tends to make us light-headed, thereby securing a higher grade of intelligenco. Our Post Oftice system, in our opinion, cannot Iw excelled. Our mode of distributing mails is unique and interesting. By an improved system of" dead letters" we afford a lively and pleasant occupation to illiterate officials. Our letter carriers are all men of stamp, and distribute a large amount of intelligence throughout our globe. Our Sanitary system embraces large and comprehensive arrangements, by means of which thegrcatest lunatics are Chairmen of the Boards of Health, A bonus of ten (10) pastes per capita IB allowed on all lunatics who arc impoverished through their own folly. An Immigration Bureau, for the introduction of refuse convicts is in contemplation, A Prohibitory Water Law has worked well, and we find that the liquid is comparatively unknowii in these regions, except for ablutionary purposes, and even then a tax is laid upon Its use. Its introduction here would prove disastrous in its results, and the only kind used is generally, mixed, I have, therefore, Minister of Duffy, laid before you, by command of the Monarch of the Moon, a brief and hasty sketch of our resources. This Government is prepared to pay one half the cost of survey of the contemplated railroatl, and His exalted Majesty the Monarch of the Moon, begs to assure yoTi of his friendly relationship in regard to the proposed scheme. In token whereof I have hereunto caused the seal of the Lunarrays to be affixed. MUHN SHYNE, ViSlOSARV KxTRAOIlDUfAnt, REPORT No, 1 of Che Chief Engineer qf lite Imperial Lunar Grand Mtd..Ur Oovernmntal Hailiva;/. • AaiisnoiD IIotkl, Sky Hi Mocntain, lythKiNO, 17th CvoLK. To the Honorable the Firtt MiniHer of Dufy :-~ Sir,— Taking advantage of a current of air, which leaves h cliord and let him go llroatlin v«ry loft yo wiiiUi I'olly put tlio kettle on, Pull down the parlor bliiidi Kinkawally now rotlrci, nbiorbed In Mttcr grief Imputicut luitil your return we'll never find relief. ' Farewell, good bye, au revnir my very boit of friendi " Enchantment to the view," 'tU laid that dialanco lendn. • To your Imperial coat tail we our regal seal affix, Go on your way rejoicing my Prince of Lunatici, Hero I encountered a largo open space, entirely devoid of air, with a fine natural water shed, suitable for irrigrating purposes. I cannot too strongly impress upon the Government, tho necessi'v of reforming the fallen angels of that section. A most favorable opportunity is hero afforded for constructing o Government Depot. The people are intelligent, unaffected and modest. They are nearly all "looney." The gaseous material upon which they live is highly nutritious being mainly derived from tho breath of the morning. They are polite and witty. There i» an odour about them— but nofof sanctity. There are as many icenti at tho Falls as would make a dollar. I counted forty during my brief stay. Between Mystery Flats and Virgin Falls I would suggest that a line ot railway be constructed on tho straight guago system, having in view tho eternal fitness of thinga. The road, however, should be neither straight,' narrow or broad, and most certainly not round, as that would invqIVc a superfluous expenditure.' I would suggest that it be of cuniform shape, with a view to exits and entrances. A loop line could bo built if necessary. The grading will take a considerable time, as there is a large obstacle to be overcome. A thick wall, composed of fossilized rhinoceros hide, will take about six months to tunnel. Mammoth drills could be used, which if employed with effect, would augur well for its success. I am decidedly opposed to blasting the scheme or damming it in any way. The simplest and most natural method is the best, and that is to feel your way along with the aid of a dark lantern, the use of which would throw considerable light upon tho interior economy. The people of "Virgin Falls" thrive principally upon the "milk of human kindneis." There is a Penitentiary at Virgin Falls, for the incarceration of those people who have been convinced against their will. I left Virgin Falls in the middle of the night, suffering a most acute thirst— for knowledge. Previous to my departure, I dropped a hint upon tho person of one of the officials which created an unfavorable impression after being struck by it. Having taken a mouthful of bottled atmosphere, I again started on my mission. Availing myself of the regulr r meteor which leaves here daily, I hooked myself under its friendly wing, and was escorted beyond the precincts of tho place by a guard cf honor, composed of the petty monarch's, big and little, nebulae. That dignitary's principal musician sung a celestial composition, entitled "you are going far away " to a pretty accompaniment on the chords of affection. On my way through space, I encountered the New York //eraW correspondent in search of a new sensation unac- companied by Beecher or Tilton. He looked at me ominously, and as I passed him I shouted " On Stanley, On ! " to which he retorted " 1 guess so ! " I hope the Government will make a note of this apparently insignificant fact. I fear very much for the success of the Lunatic Railroad if the Herald's correspondent discovers the nature of my mission. The United States have a superior brand of lunatics, which it is to our interest to suppress ; and I am much afraid, that in comparison with those of our American cousins Canadian lunatics may almost be considered sane. I reached the boundary line between Ether and Space on tho 5th interval of the lunar month. Mr point of destination is named " Stop-up-Gap." Strange to say, the inhabitants are all males, and have pagan notions upon certain subjects. Their raiment is simple, but somewhat too thin. The place is totally devoid of a second-hand store. A tradition exists that some female missionaries of another sphere once visited this place, and tried U^ indur-n thes'> people to become converts to marital views. They were promptly killed off, and I am informed on reliable authority,^hat in consequence of their decided hostility to the marriage tie, many prelates have been executed hero at various times. The amount ot Ethor would be productive of uu cnonnons rpvenue to the country, in itu relationship to tlio trade In docajcd teeth. The dental profesnion would not, an now, hold ita own " jaw " instead of that of another. The trade would become brink. Teople could jjet an •' enamel polish " at a moment's notice, and Ether would bo one of the staples of the Country. I should advise that this place be bought up by the aovernmunt. The Starry Isles would bo a capital depot for forwarding supplies by the Alimentary Cnnal, which is a natural coiiNtruction and frequently used. The line from Virgin Falls to Stop-up-Uap, would be an air line ; a kind of tubular bridge supported with trusses of the most approved kind. These trusses would rest upon a span of life, composed of thick but living rock. The masonry will be set in the bed of tho ocean, a telegraph wire will run through the stone work, create a current, attract the tubular bridge, which will be kept firm on its supports by having several magnets placed above it, on tho same principle as Manomot's cotHn. This bridge will necessarily Ui a bridge of size. The inhabitants here, breathe in a whisper, and the stillness of the place makes it an admirable resort for talked-to-death husbands and those who take tho most stock iu their own company. Dead sea apples grow plentifully. There is a large quantity lying useless, and might bo turned to account by selling them three for live cents. In color they are lovely, but their flavor is a matter of taste. The people, though silent, are not i-n ignorant race ; they neither beg, borrow or lend— they steal instead. They would make excellent mutes at a public funeral, and I would suggest that a corps bo organized for this express purpose. Upon state occasions they would serve admirably for statues for conservatories, and are excellent imitations of the works of the old masters. Their food consiststs of one grain of intelligence per day. Their ways are simple and their wants are but few. My second dispatch will bo forwarded as soon as my notes aro written up. the cost of tho undertaking will not exceed an indefinite amount. I should think I have the honor to remain Sir, Your obedient servant, PAUL FORD, Engineer in Chief of the Lunatic Railv^ Survey. REPORT No, 2. SpiniT Vale, Moonland, 32n(l Kiso, HBiii-SvoLBTiiii Omkth. To the Honorable the Pint Miniittr of Dufy ;— 8.H,-I have tho honor herewith to transmit my «econd and final Report of the Survey of r^ir^C^ll-i:^^^^ ...i.n..L.ticMono.r.;:: iTif Tm '""^''""- "''' ™"^ ^"^^""''*" c-ireumHUnce /diacovere oTe of Ih" lnhab.t«nt«, who hoc .„r many yearn been burled in thouKht. and who wo, one of the caZZ hlSr^" ; '"?' 'T'"' '■'■" ""'"""" ""• completely restored to the ,«nl health h, enjoyed several KoueratK.n« boforo. The cause of his resusoit^Uion was produced by the aroma o my breath, wh.ch was fr,ig,,„t with V. O. The inhabitants soon heard of the wonderful phenomenon, and became ho intoxicated with delight, is to bo almost unmaatt«e«bIo Thmgs, however were restored to their usual calm, and the grateful Skeri disclosed aTchome by which . direct route could bo constructed to the Moon, thereby saving an enormous outlay Having secured a dead-he,ul ticket, by the Lino of Demarcation, Skeri accompanied me on m^ flight through time. The first stopping place was Misty Islands, from whence I telegraphed you .or a subsidy with which to conciliate the inhabitants. The mill and a half was duly received, and I forthwith brought up the place in the name of the great Duffy This will bo an important point for the concentration ot ideas uikjii all subjects. Proceeding from thenc in a direct line, we reached Btarry Isles In no time, which is a remarkably quick rate of travel, even in this country. With the 2J cents, which 1 borrowed by mortgaging my breath, I bought up the ring of Saturn and made the acquaintance of second cousin of Mephis- tophclcs, who is here prospecting for his relative, who owns a large territory below our planet I prevented the " comer," to which I referred in my telegram, and soon squared the circle of my acquaintance. From Starry Isles, Skero accompanied me to Moonland, and it is owing to hfs wonderful tact that the success of this enterprise is largely duo. The route from Starry Isles to Moon land is through an infinity of space, and the mode of transit is by propulsion. The intendine traveller takes his seat in a sort of bell-shaped instrument, the latter end of which is open The operator gets off a joke In order to draw you out, and as soon as vour cachinatory pro-' chyities are set in motion, you are " off in a jiffy ;" your laughter giving sufficient motive power to keep you going until you reach Moonland. MOONLAKD I have seen the Man in tho Moon. This Imperial lunatic is flat-headed, but his head is level nevertheless. The cooperation of the Imperial Government is anxiously sought for by the Oovernraent here. 1 find that the light of the moon is borrowed, at 20 per cent, which is an extortionate charge, and the Lunar Government requests the assistance of the Universal Government to resist this unreasonable tax. I have been " where the moon-beams linger " and it is a most delightful spot. The inhabitants treat and re-treat They are all lunatics The fairies here are similarly gifted. The wood " f-e-y," which is of Scandanavian origin' means touched with Inna^y, and so the word « f-e-y ries" is apropotmA expressive The Govern' ment is managed by the Monarch. The people are an enlightened people. They wear lieht clothes-very light. They read light fiction, and every facility for throwing light upon wy subject IS readily afforded. Nothing heavy or requiring anv stretch of the i-iagin-'Moa is permitted here. The ladies are charming and graceful, but they have light notions gen- T^'U^? ^'"'^' '"^ "'' "«''* "^ '^'^ °"^"'« «^y««- The men are erect and stalwart. They uever mix their principles-or their drinks. They do everything ne«//y In • • oommerclal Hen/io thoy are highly Intolllgcnt. Mothow-ln-law aro abolUbcd by Act of Par. Uament-poor rolatloni aro unknown, and flve-ythlng is done on" a caNh baiii. Doctoft and dnigRi.t« Inrarlably transact their biwlnew on C. O. D. prlnclplen. Krery time a child i» bom the happy father li donated ton cenU by the Miniat«r of Population Poverty li unknown, and the amuioment of the people 1. derived princlF»)ly from thrllU of emoUon Iheir literary ta»te. aro varioua and Instructlv The tltlei of some of the books In the Imperial Library are luggcstlvo of tholr love of literature. Thcio aro the names of some of them;:--" Discourse on the Character of Joseph j" "Oeorgo Stephenson on Locomotion :" " Dr. Smith on the Want of a Subject ;>• " Bohne on the Sinew of the Nation ;" " Inspirations veriu, Aspirations ; " Mills on Muscle ;" '< Mr. Plimsoll's Opinion of the ' Ancient Mariners •' " "««>) from a Masonic point of view;" "Marryatt on the Swells of the Ocean," and mwy others. As in our own country, Toronto, for instoacc, the people get their religion, not by the Punshou (Punehton) but by the Potts. The established religion hero is mutual admiration and the self-sacriflce of all personal Inconveniences. There Is no want of the circulating medium here. A fine hospital, built upon the ruins of an ancient temple, may bo seen. It was con- stnicted for the safe keeping of those unfortunate people who are blinded by prejudice as well as of those who are blind to their own Interests. At the time I write It Is only half full. The other wards are used for the safe keeping of victims of misplaced confidence. The Department of Public Works is a credit to the country. A correct account of receipts and expenditures Is strictly kept, and the Department allows no waste of the raw r -! jrlal under any circumstances. Self-made men aro strictly shunned. People who start out in lite without a stake in their pockets, aro looked upon with contempt. Buildings are being run up with remarkable activity. Each man carries his own foundation with him wherever he goes. Most of the females carry on the business of auctioneers. The Department of Marine and Fisheries keep a large supply of fresh flsh always on hand, but there is no "codding" done hero. Sardines are looked upon us unworthy of cultivation.' Piscatorial amusements aro chiefly found in running waters. The Finance Department is In active operation. The chief work of the Department Is how to make both ends meet, so as to leave a surplus satisfactory to municipalities. The Department of Militia and Defence is particularly careful of all the " old soldiers" who are pensioned oflf after an expiration of their term of service. They aro usually employed In recruiting wMted energies and enlisting the sympathies of the people against the Invasion of neighbodng foes hostile to national progress. The Department of Customs has the sole right of giving the people their Just dues. The duties of the Privy Council are to strictly preserve State secrets, and to control the Secret Service Funds in its own way. The Clerk of the Council is expected to swear that he will not publish or cause to be published memoirs of the Sovereign on any body else after death— except his own. The Department of the Interior is excellently managed, on homeopathic principles. The Supreme Court is organized for the special purpose of deciding the competency of the Judges of the Lower Courts. The Patent Office is large, and is situated in the east wing of an inventor's brain. The cost of procuring letters-patent is but trifling, and many useful designs are daily registered. One of the best, which I saw working, was for removing elbow grease from old clothes. The Department of Agriculture has a severe but admirable regulation for preventing the sowing of the seeds of dischord among the inhabitants. The Press is an unfettered infititution, it cin w-.y or Ao anything it wishes. The locil reporters have a knack, /known only to themselves), of discovering a murder or a robbery long before it happens, and of Mcertaining the existence of a burglary which nobody else ever heard of. 10 The Senate and the House of Commons are formed for the introduction of Private Bilh by birds of prey, and for the distribution of a sessional allowance and mile«ge among impoverished carpet-baggers. They have also a Pure Brandy Temperance Association, for improving the $piriti of the people. Nobody dares throw cold water upon its eflforts under a heavy penalty. 1. 1 conclusion, I would state that, having given you a brief, but, I hope, also a compre- hensive account of this great territory, I have,no doubt of the success of the scheme. All the lunatics are going crazy about it. I carry the maps of the projected route in my head, where they will remain. The lino as surveyed will not cost over twenty-fl> o cents, and I trust that your Government will not throw any obstacles in the way of its success. I have the honor to remain, Sir, Your obedient, humble servant, PAUL FORD, Engineer in Chief to the Lunatic Railway Survey. Heiqbt or In aqination, ' 19th Eino. To the Honorable the First Miniater of Duffy:— Sir,— I have the honor to transmit herewith, a draft Treaty between the Great Duffy and His Exalted Majesty, Night Blooming Ceres, Monarch of the Moon, Emperor of the Starry Isles, etc., etc., etc., upon the subject of the construction of the Imperial, Lunar, Grand, Mid- aur. Lunatic, Governmental Railway. I have the honor to be Your obedient humble servant, PAUL FORD, Chief Engineer R, R. Survey, and Minister ^o Urn, '■tif^ 11 DRAFT TREATY. Draft op a Treaty to be made between the Great Duffy, Governor General of the Gallery and His Exalted Majesty, Night Blooming Ceres, Monarch of the Moon, Emperor of the Starry Isles, Grand Controller of the Constellations, and Imperial Boss of the Great and Little Bears by and with the consent of the Governments of both spheres, in Parliament assembled. ' WHEREAS it is expedient that a closer relationship should exist between the inhabitants '» of the Moon and adjacent territories, and the Imperial Government of the Gallery which connection can only be accomplished by scientific and engineering skill, and by the construction of a line of railway between the Earth and Moonland, It is HEREBY AGREED that, subject to such amendments as may hereafter be agreed upon between the respective Governments aforesaid, that a lunatic railroad be immediately commenced simultaneously at each terminus; and that such funds, subsidies, expenditures, outlays, provision of labor, shall be respectively paid by the Minister of Finance of both spheres, to the extent of one equal moiety of the sum of twenty-five (25) cents, currency of the Dominion of Canada, and three (3) skido inflated currency of the Government and people of Moonland and its adjacent territories aforesaid. PROVIDED ALWAYS, that such labor and expenditure of the construction of the said line of railway, bo subject to the following conditions, or to such conditions as may hereafter be determined ^v the aforesaid Governments, and expressed in the following articles to wit, viz : — ARTICLES. I. That the name of the said undertaking be and is hereby entitled " The Imperial Lunar Grand, Mid-air, Lunatic, Governmental Railway." ' ' II. That the primary object of the said Imperial, Lunar, Grand, Mid-air, Lunatic, Govern- mental Railway, is for the purpose of transporting hither and thither, to and fro, (between latitudes 45 and 45J from the equator and the 16th parrallel of U. Kno, as the Imperial imaginations may determine) such lunatics who may be desirous of settling or colonizing in either of the aforesaid spheres. III. That such lunatics, who are natural idiots, shall travel free of cost to any point on tho proposed line. ^ IV. That those persons who travel under tho head of " crazy " shall be expected to pay half fare, if suspected of being tainted wtih any semblance of sanity. V. That the term ." crazy » shall be, and is hereby defined as meaning " having a tile loose ■ " but not totally detached from the cranium. ' VI. That violent lunatics shall have a sleeping car to themselves, and such other luxuries as may be thought expedient by the Minister of the Interior or his Deputy. VII. That all sane people shall be excluded from any privileges of travel on the said road. VIII. That all persons, citizens of either sphere who are possessed of hereditary taint bo paid a bonus of 10 cents— g of a skido-for settling in either country. IX That all females shall be excluded from statute labor, in recognition of their efforts at simple addition. ' ' X. That all engineers upon tho said road shall be strictly Civil ones ; and all complaints of departure from this rule shall be made to the Secretary or Secret«rieR of each Government. XI. That the profane use of blasting materials shall be and is hereby strictly abolished. XII. That all Missionaries, of whatever creed, shall be killed and made fuel of for the purpose of " getting up steam." 12 XIII. That " V, 0." and all stimulants, beverages, and drinks, subject to the provisions ontained in the following article, shall pass over the line free of charge. XIV. That cold water as a beverage, shall be prohibited, under a severe penalty to be fixed upon hereafter XV. That all bubble Companies shall be excluded from any participation in the profits of the said rK.iroad, except with the sanction of the Governments aforesaid. XVI. That all people who live by their wits shall be excluded from travelling by the said railroad. XVri That all profits derived from the traffic on the said road shall be equally divided among the inhabitants of both spheres, except the profits derived from the honour of this undertaking, which shall be placed to the credit of the Qovemments of both spheres. XVIII. That the integrity of the " Milky Way" shall be strictly preserved. XIX. That the rate of twenty per cent., exacted by the Solar Government for the borrowed lights of the Moon, shall be strenuously resisted by both Governments, and that the Northern Lights shall be used instead, in the event of the Solar Government refusing to lessen their present exorbitant charges. XX. That the oldest inhabitant of each sphere, shall, upon making affidavit of his exact age, be provided with a post of honor, at a nominal saiary upon the said railroad, always, provided that he is non compos mentit, XXI. That any relation of George Washington, or any nurse or other servant, or remote connexion of this family who luay be living, shall be immediately exterminated from the face of the earth or of the moon, so as to prevent an unreasonable monopoly in the interests of the coimtry. XXII. That members of Pariiament of both spheres shall have a season ticket upon the said road, provided, they are not too inteligent. XXIII. That the construction of the s^id railroad shall be left to the discretion of a Board of Lunatics, to be composed of twenty-five persons, (or such other number as may be determined upon, inhabiUnts of each sphere. XXIV. That this treaty does not bind anybody, and may be dissolved at a notice not exceeding five minutes, to be given to the First Minister of each sphere. In witness whereof, we have hereunto set our hands and seals, this 19th day of Uwjn, in the 21st cycle of time. PAUL FORP MiNiSTBR pro km op t^e Great Dcffy. MUHN SIIYNE, Visionary ExTnAonoiNAny. 13 riaioQS efixud fits of le said ivided f this rowed rthern their exact ways, JDiote eface >f the n the Board ained not SPEECH FROM THE THRONE 5PDSS1C:£Z: Gentlemen of tJie House of the Gallery,— 1 PFFV. High on a, Throne of Royal State, which far Outshines the wealth of Onnus or of Inde I now exalted sit, to bid jou stop Your fooling for a while and nerer more Presume to hold a meeting of this House Until I shall permit you by my word Of Royal command and Duffy's Proclamation. But first before you go ielon la mode, I will refer as briefly as I can To some of the grand schemes which since you met Two month8>go have kept you occupied. I much rejoice that I so soon can say, * "Good bye ! get out ! your room is what I want And not your company ;" but still I feel I ought to thank yon for the rampant zeal Which you have manifested for your own And Country's good, (N. B.,) of course this is But common compliment and nothing more. In order to avoid the frauds by which Preceding Ministers have office held, My pure and honest Government has passed An excellent Election law, to which I graciously have given my assent. The Railway Act will make it easier far Than heretofore, to populate the world With lunatics and eke to fill the Moon. With men of sense, though which is which and who Is who, is a conundrum, and that is A thing at which I never yet was good. You very wisely have adopted means By which you all can readily become Insolvent, while your judgmentjias been shown, In the exclusion of dead beats and blokes Prom the enormous benefits of the Act. I thank you most sincerely for your gift. To carry on the service of the State, Of close upon five dollars, though I own I wish that you had added to the sum Sufficient to provide your Duflfy dear With shekels to expend on S. and B. I trust the treaties which have been arranged With dead beats, blokes and bummers, and the Moon Will be productive to the Gallery Of great prosperity and lasting peace. We may without unfounded boasting say That, during all the years since we were born To nationality, there never was A time to V? compared with this for love, Andligb;, uid sweetness, and all that; you know Just what, i mean, I'm sure. Meanwhile, farewell. V. 14 [Tn Aisr sxi A.xioisr] Messieun de la Tribune : Perchd sur un tronc cleve, dont la splendeur royale eclipse les lichesses d'Ormvis et de I'Inde, je me montre en ce momenta vos yeux etonn^s, pour vous dire de cesser vos folichoneries pendant un instant et vous ordonner de ne plus vous reunir comroe membres de cette chambre, jusqu'a ce que je vous I'ordonne par ma parole souverain "et la proclamation de Duffy. Mais avant de vous dire de ficher votre camp, laissez-moi, suivant I'usage, passer en revue les grands projets qui depuis deux mois vous ontoccup^s. Je Buis fort heureux de pouvoir vous dire, " Bonjour, mes agneaux, et allez-vous en ; votre ab- sence me sera plus agreable que votre presence." Cependant, je sens que je dois vous remercier de votre zele mcommensurable pour votre bien et celui du pavs. (N.B.-Il va sans dire que ce n'estla qu un compliment banal et rien de plus.) Afin d'eviter les fraudes qui ont conduit d'autres ministres au pouvoir, mes excellentissimes minis- tres ont passe una fameuse loi electorale que j'ai approuvee a deux mains. L'acte pour la construction du chemin-de-fer lunatique nous mettra ameme de peupler plus faci- lement lemonde de lunatiques tac toe etd'envoyerdans la lune des garoons d'esprit, quoiqu'il aoit difficile de dire si le fou est un homme d'esprit, ou un homme d'esprit ub fou. C'est une devinette, et je n ai jamais ete d'une force de quarante chevaux pour resoudre ces blagues. Vous avez fort a propos passe une loi qui vous permettra de devenir banqueroutiers pour faire bisquervos creanciers, tandis que vous avez montr^ votre esprit en pri van t lespignoufs et les gnafs des avantages de cette loi. Je vous remercie d'avoir vot^ une sommcqui va jusqu'a cinq piastres pour les besoins de I'etat ; men que J aura;s aime a vous voiraugmenter cette somme de fagon a permettre a votre cher Duffy de se payer " quelque chose de chaud." J'espere que lestrait^s conclus avec les pignoufs, les gnafs, les jobards te la lone, profitefiteront a la Iribune, et lui assureront uno paix durable. ^ Nous pouvons, sans nous vanter, dire que depuis que noursommesassis au banquet des nations jamais II ny eu un siecle comparable au notre pour I'amour, les lumieres, la tendresse ; vous eavez ce que je veux dire. Maintenant blagues dans le coin et Adieu. //^^/O ^^CV /57r^.J J^escn IH