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As it is a time-honored custom to dedicate great literary works to some well-known person, or firm of good standing, Grip takes pe- culiar pleasure in dedicating his Al- manac FOR 1 88 1 to a firm whose business record has made their name a household word for pro- bity and fair dealing amongst the brethren of the fourth estate, from Newfound- land to British Columbia, and has won for the House, not only an enviable success amongst the paper-makers of* the country, and the confidence and good will of the trade generally, but has also placed them in the front rank of the manufac- turers of the Dominion. The firm which we desire thus to honor is / THE CANADA PAPER CO., I I FRONT STREET, TORONTO. 374 to 378 8T.PAUL ST., MONTREAL. tg gi J. YOUNG, UNDERTAKER. 361 TONGE ST. r When the time came round for Mr. Grip to commence work upon his Annual Almanac, that extremely clever and popular gen- tleman confessed that he faced the task with just the slightest shade of misgiving. " Of course," said he to his Editor and Amanuensis, " the Almanac for 1881 must be ahead of that issued for 1880 ; Progress^ as you are aware, is the motto of the house of Grip !" " Aye, aye, sir!" assented the Editor. " Now, do you think it is possible ever to get up a better Almanac than that was ?" asked Mr. Grip, earn- estly. " Never 1" emphatically replied the Editor — that is hardly ev — " here the rash speaker abruptly stopped, blushed as an Editor only can, dropped on his knees and begged Mr. Grip's pardon, and then proceeded, " I mean to say it would never be possible for anybody excepting yourself, sir 1" " Aw, thanks very much," returned Mr. Grip, with the most affable condescension. " Then it shall be done ! Retire to your room for the present ; I must be alone with my Intellect. You shall receive your instructions by and bye." The Editor respectfully withdrew, and the great Mr. Grip at once fell to thinking. " A better Almanac than-that of 1880 must and shall be pro- duced ! The question is, can we beat it this year ? Of course we can I It shall be done, I repeat. Let me but catch the in- spiration for the effort 1" J. YOUNG, UNDEETAKEE, 361 YONGE ST. ■ —^. I— ^ r - I ■ I ■- -!■ ■—I.I I I I Dixon's Cards, Gaoinets, and Panels. ARE PRONOUNCED THE BEST AT TZ5B PRICES IN THE CITY. (A •a I With that Mr. Grip stepped to the sideboard and quaffed a goblet of sparkling city water. No sooner hid the draught passed his beak than his eye kindled and he exclairied : " I have it ! The Assyrians of old when they contemplated making an Almanac, con- sulted the Signs of the Zodiac. I shall do likewise. What ho, without there 1 Let the signs of the Zodiac come before me !" Instantly his sovereign will was obeyed. The question was put to each : Have you any suggestion to offer pertaining to Grip's Almanac for 1881 ? Here follows a summary of the replies : Aquarius^ the Waterman, suggested that the work should be liberally sprinkled with wit ; Aries, the Ram, said the weth ' pre- dictions should be reliable, and the Almanac sold sheeply ; Pisces, the Fishes, thought it would be well to get it up on a larger scale than last year's, and trusted the net profit on it would be large ; Taurus, the Bull, agreed with the last speakers, and was ready to steak his repu' .^m that the Almanac would readily sell for a. quarter, he wo ;; ! * .ake no bones of asking that price ; Geminit the JPivins, sug- gest. . that a contribution should be secured from Mark Twain, Cancer, the Crab, said there should be no going backwards at all events, he trusted Mr. Grip would show no shell fish-ness in getting up the work ; Leo, the Lion, said the mane thing was to have the calendars correct, he was sure the jokes would make the reader roar ; Virgo, the Virgin, thought if the Almanac were ma/uld be 1* ' pre- ; Pisces, lie than Taurus, ^eak his ter, he w, sug. Twain, ^ at all getting ve the reader sgood fa, the t on a lid be Darius, le Al- *s,the \ up a ^ S CO 5 CD I £ ht TIm Lafir tan J^THOS. DAVIE8&C0. Aik far it «««nrwhtn> n'tyoa ■♦(r WHAT Wfi KNOW ABOUT ALICANACBRY. Mk. Grip having been informed that a purely literary Almanac won't do, that a certain amount of useful Astrolo^cal, Chronolog- ical and Weatherological matter is absolutely indLspensable, reluct- antly makes room for the insertion of the following information, which he hopes the Reader will kindly consider exhaustive ; at all events it has quite exhausted Mr. Grip to rake it together from the various authorities. If it should prove a trifle mixed, will the Reader, remembering that Mr. Grip is a litterateur and not an Almanacer by profession, good naturedly arrange it to suit him- self. The Mock. — Every well conducted Almanac has a good deal to say about the Moon. The Moon is not made of green cheese, though this theory wui held with great tenacity for a long time by those who believed it was. This theory is now played out, and in that respeet it re- sembles the Moon herself, which is now known to be AN OLD QLOBB. The Moon is not called she because it changes so often, nor yet because it is supposed to have a man in view all the time, nor yet because she is "never a day older than thirty." We don't know why it is called she. Mrs. Snooks says it ought to huve been called he because whenever it gets full it: stays out until its last quarter is spent. It is not true that there is a ic&n in the Moon. This is an- other mistake of the Ancients, which has been exploded by modem research. Science is BOUND TO ADVANCE, and don't you forget it Another mistake which has a firm hold of the unlearned masses is that there is a new Moon every month. The fact is there is only one Mdon connected with this earth whichever Party is in power, N. P. or no N. P. It is also an error Sci«nc« hM ureatly ad* mnced in Electro Th«r- apeutic* u proved PROF. VERNOY ia diicAiet being speedily ■nd pleuantiy cured at tff Jarvi* tt. in & TlM time Am coma when Science deciaret ELECTRICITY. 18 KING Orar all other CuretiTe Agents. to suppose that the Moon is a luminous body, for it isn't It shines with a 30PR0WED LIGHT. It is generally supposed that the Moon exerts a certain in- fluence over the human mind. This is true, to a considerable extent, as may be seen by anyone who will take the trouble to keep an eye on any average pair of lovers on moonlight nights. But not only does the moon exhibit this peculiar effect on engaged lovers ; it is also strongly suspected of having a great in- fluence over THE TIDE. Should the reader be anxious to investigate the subject of tides, he must consul*^ a geography, or go down to St. John, N. B., it is too much to expect an Almanac man to tell about everything. At Moncton, N. B., the tide comes in with a tremendous rush. They call this the bore, and it is a favorite pastime of the people there to watch the bore come in. The editor of the Times takes no interest in this, however , he says he can stay in his sanctum and see more bores come m than he cares for. Along the Bay of Fundy the tide rises forty feet, which, to say the least of it, is RATHER HIGH. This year there will be two eclipses of the Moon, one total and the other partial. Both will be invisible in America. This conti- nent is totally ignored, the Mjon being partial to the eastern hemisphere. Bnt no matter. The time will come 1 The Sun. — ^The Sun is a grand institution, and no Almanac is worthy of public respect which ignores him. The eminent scientist Electricity in Thenpeudct ntiltied M at 197 Janris Su, Toronto, hr PROF. VERNOY,s Renreeenta the light and knowledge of thesreateit eden- ificdiscovererof 19th century. 90 t ® I ^ 1 o O c 3 > O \A 4 shines c H 90 o !3 o. ^ in so f cr o O c ft I -J o o H iz; o 13 125 M O* o o P3 o o Alwayi Adc for TH08. DAVIE8 & CO'8 Laftr B«tr and don't you forget it. \r- whom we consulted before writing this, confessed that he didn't know anything aiout the Sun, bat he thought it was an atmosphere similar to our own. The Sun itself is generally believed to be a large and warm planet. Of late years a great deal of speculation has been indulged in with leference to SPOTS ON THE SUN. When accurate information as to the nature of these spots is obtained we will issue an extra edition of this Almanac containing it — perhaps. Meantime let us remark that modem science has ex- ploded many errors about the Sun as well as the Moon. The Ancients believed that the Sun rose in the east, because, they argued, (y) east would naturally make it rise. We could tell all about sunrise, but that subject has little practical interest for many oi our readers. They also thought that it set in the west The truth is, the Sun is AT A STAND STILL, and the Earth revolves around it. The Ancients also devoted the first day of the week to the worship of Old Sol, and hence the name Sunday. Some of the girls in modem times go to church on that day also to worship the son. Whenever you see a girl do- ing this you may make up your mind that she is SUN STRUCK. By the way, cabbage leaves are said to be a sure preventative against this affliction, and we would therefore admonish a girl in danger of such an attack to get a few cabbage leaves. She might get them off the feller's head. This year there will be a partial fclipse ot the Sun, May 27th, and a similar eclipse of the samCi Nov. 2ist Admission free. McCABE & Oo'y, UNDEBTAKEBS, 333 Qneen Street, West, Toronto. Q ROBEETS' FOR TEAS, 290 YONGJfi ST., XOROTTTO. Mkrcury. — ^This excellent planet is still going his rounds, and we will give a few facts about him for Mercuriosity. This Mer- cury must not be confounded with the luminary of the same name published at Guelph. There is in fact several millions oi miles difference between them. THE ORIGINAL MERCURY was a hero of the ancient heathen mythology who ran errands for the Reform Party, and had wings on his hat, which was in the habit of flying off. He was a very jolly fellow, hence the epithet Mercurial applied to those light hearted people who get Grip regul- arly. This year the planet Mercury intends to perform one of his popular transits over the Sun's disc, Nov. 7th. Don't fcKget the date. He is also engaged to appear as the EVENING STAR about Feb. 33rd, June 19th, and Oct. 15th, and morning star April 7th, Aug. 6th, and Nov. 24th. Venus. — ^This planet is named after a beautiful blonde who is said to have come up out of the sea many years ago; the only ori- ginal mermaid. Venus will be the Evening star till May 3rd, and Morning star the rest of the ^ear. Jupiter. — ^This planet is named afler a howling swell of the old mythology, who is chiefly distinguished for having originated the fashionable expression, By Jove 1 The Ancients fairly doted on Jupiter, and wouldn't hear a word said against him. As a planet Jupiter is a great succsss, transacting his business with regularity and precision. He will / SHINE IN SOCIETY as evening star till April 22, then takes the beat as morning star till Nov. 13, resuming his duty as evening star on that date for the rest of the year. BEST TEA x\T 6O0. PER LB. IN CANADA. CO I— ( H t—i ^^ Q a o W > o W 09 o Cd o Oi o H > / s, and CO &1 ^ > ii The only and Original (Photographer), ) 118 King It. WMt. Chronological Cycles, etc, i88i. — Of course the reader doesn't need any explanation of the meaning of these cycles, and we are very glad of it, because we ourselves don't pretend to — that is, for various reasons. This year the Dominical letter is B, (of course this stands for Bengough Bros., the Job Printers.) Epact 30 ; Lunar cycle, or golden number — Number One I Solar cycle, 14; ROMAN INDICATION, 9; Julian period, 6594. Epochs : This is the year 5649 of the Jewish era; 1299 of the Mahometan era; 44th year of Queen Victoria's reign ; 14th of Confederation ; io6th of American inde- pendence ; 8th of Grip and 2nd of Grip's Almanac General Facts. — ^The length of this year will be 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 49 and seven-tenths of a second. It is not too late to subscribe for Grip if you begin promptly after the 49 seconds are past, but you will miss most of that year's papers. As reckoned in Russia New Year's day falls on Jan. 12. This is not the only point in which Russia is behind the rest of the world. METEOROLOGICAL MEMORANDA. (compiled specially for grip's almanac by the clerk or THE WEATHER, assisted BY OLD PROBABILITIES.) The science of meteorology is a branch of learning that everybody ought to be well posted in. It is not in the list of subjects prescribed for the study of the children in the primary branches of our city schools, which is a matter of astonishment, as the poor little things have already so much cramming to do that one more ology could not make any difference. This science is highly practical and use- ful to all classes, both in and out of school The proverbial penny cannot be LAID BY FOR A RAINY DAT if the individual has no knowledge of the signs and omens which portend the approach of such an unpleasantness. The ability to prognosticate extreme changes in the weather promotes the safety mm m met combined wting and copting rdids. AND SO DO ALL WHO LIKE A SUPERIOR INK. I a O 8S H > 'I ?o 8 So p3' g: CO I t>4j \\l SHUHLEWORTH'S BLUE BUCK INK. o s o O F (D~ >o CD r" !* 'Si •-• r ' o Q IL and comfort of all who possess it, and therefore partralar attention is directed to the following condensed learning : A thermometer is a handy thing to have about the house, and it should not be given to the brby to play with until everything else has been smashed up. Thermometers are like clear grit poli- ticians ; — they always work best IN THE SHADE, and care should be taken to keep them freely exposed to any cur- rents of air that may be stirring. We take it for granted the Reader is aware that the thermome- ter is an instrument for indicating changes in temperature. Thus if taken into the average church " social" it falls below zero, indi- cating a genial state of the atmosphere ; whereas at a political meeting it always registers amongst the nineties, indicating a warm interest in public questions. The Wind. — No weather is perfect without iiore or less wind. The wind is a mysterious thing, we cannot tell -inhere it comes from nor where it goes to ; we cannot see it, but nevertheless scientists understand a good deal about it, and there are few phil- osophers who have not in early life, known what THE WIND »dt like. Weathercocks are not to be relied upon to indicate (he direction of the wind. It is better to keep your eye on some oftice- seeking politician. The wind in the form of a hurricane, has a ve- locity of 90 miles an hour, but some people we have known can blow harder than that. Receipt for raising the wind, — Get up a Bazaar. The idea that there is any connection between changes of the weather and the changes of the moon is ALL MOONSHIME, the most industrious researches of the most devoted students hav ' E. ^. SHUTTLEWaRTH;" ' Manufactnring Chemist, Toronto, Ontario. 8 M« ^ T c ri- o ?^ LJ m ►-< to r+ pa -«o b o o H CQ I 4)1 P5 H o H H o GUMEY'S COUNTESS BASE BURNER ing failed to discover any evidence whatever in support of the theory. * « * * « « « The above is all the solid scientific information Mr. Grip can afford to give for the ridiculously low sum at which his Almanac is sold. The weather predictions in this Almanac are founded upon a system entirely unknown to the Meteorological Department, and tin- practised by Vennor, Moses Gates, Zadkiel or any other Prophet of the day. They can be relied upon by the smallest child. The system is protected by the N. P. and any infringements will be prosecuted with THE UTMOST RIGOUR OF THE LAW. HELEN'S BABIES' UNCLE. Oh yes, its all very well for Uncle Harry to tell about how bad Toddie and me was, but I want to tell about him. When he came along the road Toddie and me were just havin' lots of fun, and he took us in the carriage and he was havin' lots of fun with us too, and he kissed us when the driver wasn't lookm', and then all at once he shook us and told us to sit up straight, and he sat up as sttaight as he could and looked as innocent, and all because his girl was drivin' past. And then all the time he was talkin' with his girl we had to be still and say nothing', but when other girls was around he didn't care what we did. And then when he was goin' to take his girl out for a drive he'd be all mornin' drcssin', an' he'd try on ab^ut a dozen neck-ties, an' then he'd shake us an' swear at us when we laughed at him. And then he'd go and drive his girl and come back and lay on the sofa and smile to hisself just like the goat when he eat too much oats. And I guess he'd lay there grinnin' mostly all night, 'cept when he'd sit at the window and look at the moon, and then when we'd wake him in the mornin' he'd swear, and I guess if his girl had heard him she wouldn't like quite so well, and I guess she don't know he has a bare spot on his head either, 'cause he combs his hair over it, and he told me if I told anybody he'd kill me. And that mornin' he made up poetry about his " Alice," if Toddie and me didn't have fun. He'd staud on one leg and throw his arms around and say it over and over, and he just looked like the cat when Toddie throwed it into the well. And when we saw him kiss Alice, he got as red when I langhed, and I believe he'd have hit me if his girl hadn't been there. / FOR FINE WATCHES, GOLD CHAINS AND DIAMONDS IN MATCHED PAIRS, CALL ON WOLTZ IBOS. «c 00., 29 King St., East, TOfiOlTTO. ». * A. McLEOD, THE BON TON TOBACCONIST, es OB:uft.z(z.oxa:s so:., o-oecxt, isr. s. CANADA IN x88o. In the year A. D., 4842, the Society of Antiquarians fonned for the purpose of prosecuting researches into the history of Ancient Countries and Nations, met in their Hall in the city of Tehaunte- pec, the subject under discussion being the customs and habits^ and the political, moral, social, and religious history of the Domin- ion of Canada. A very carefully prepared and elaborate paper upon the subject was read by Prof. Highflyer, the talented author of " Ancient History from the fall of the British Empire." Owing to the courtesy of the Society we are enabled to publish the Lecture in full It is as follows : — " This paper, dealing as it does, with a na- tion whose history is now almost totally shrouded in obscurity by the lapse of time, must necessarily be incomplete in many particulars. However, by the aid of several newspapers ol the time, which have been preserved, and also by laborious research among the literary and official records of the nation, I have, I think, been enabled to place before you a correct refM'esentation of the habits and mode o( Government of that peculiar people. The Canadians were essen- tially a governed people, possessing more government to the square acre than any nation before or since their time. The Executive Head of Government was called the Governor General, whose dut- ies were to travel in state through the country, and be presented, by the people along the route, with addresses. It would seem that he was also connected with the government of the country in some of- ficial capacity ; the Governor General at that time, one Jack Camp- bell, having given great oflence to the people in his official capacity. As this did not in the least diminish the number of address present>- ed to him by the people we are Ted to infer that these presentations were a duty required by law, being strengthened in this belief uy the unmitigated nonsense of which they were mostly composed. The real government of the country was by an assemblage of j)eople, elected by the nation at targe, and called a Parliament. From the newspapers of the time we gather a variety of very useful informa- tion regarding this parliament. According ta these, its members were composed of the lowest, vilest, and most abandoned wretches in the country ; they, without exception, being murderers, highway robbers, thieves, assassins, perjurers, corruptionists and liars ; and were all either escaped jail-birds, or liable at any moment to be in- carcerated. They had the privilege of affixing the letters M, P. to their names ; which was probably a distinguishing mark of great rascality, and judging by their character don' tless signified Mean. Person, Some of them, who appeared by the written accounts ta be greater villains than others, were chosen as leaders ; thus if the newspaper reports are true, placing a premium on rascality. They (Conttoucd on fwg* 14.) REMEMBER THAT WE HAVE THE FINEST STOCK IN THE DOMINION, IN A GRIAT VARIBTV OF MTTINGt. WOLTZ BROS, k CO., ag King St., East, TOR ONTO. 10 o 9? w 1 w > 1 Kl 1 1 1 'i 1 1 (£: w < o ►-3 Q < in o o o CO Qi W pel h O <: < formed Ancient haunte- habits^ Domin- er upon thor of wing to cture in 1 a na- essei>- The Napanee Paper Co. / Csnattan ^olttical Iftrcorli, 1880. To greet the opening year And conquer party spleen This month did appear A oran new tjagaziiie. SystaniUr it wasname N W W Q H o o o o H O w > d w o o d w Samples and Prices Forwarded on Application V^' W. F. HAU. KOHETiUrr, NAPANEE, ONTARIO. W«M«rB Agmcy, 33 Adelaide Street West, Toronto. Wm. Hanson, Agent. IZ \1R IP YOU ARE WASTING AWAY DO NOT DELAY TO TAKE TURNER'S TONIC BITTERS. Pric« so Genu per Bottl* For Sale by all Druggi»M and leading Groceri« ir O ^ I o I <^ M - • ^ o 1 PS a&ural ftUbtce Cot SanuRSS. Dear Agriculturist, now is the time to enjoy the pleasures of your fireside, or you can sit square in front of the fireplace, if you like. Wipe off your snowy boots before entering, as the wo- men have just done scrubbing. This month look after your stock ; see that the mare's nests are snug and warm; bran mash should be given hot, three times a day, to sick poultry. See that your cattle and horses get up early ; also, cut your firewood for the coming summer. Frequent the tavern every evening, and nt /er talk about anything but horses. Join the Grangers, and thus save heaps of money, as you won't be expected to treat Now lay the foundation of your manure heap. No farmer can be truly happy without a good manure heap. This is a good month to go to law with your neigh- bor about " them post holes." Subscribe for Grip and have some style about you. (ETofmatiolitan ^s 5tS ^#/f?%ti^^ Drawn for Grip's Almanac by y. A. Waitt I St Month. JANUARY. 31 Days. CONDENSED ENCYCLOPi£DIA— January derives its name from Janus, an ancient individual who had two faces. Janus had a numerous progeny.^ Someofhii travel with side shows at this day, but most of them are in the political business. Some of his descendants ,, Apolitical leader who makes promises he never intends to fulfil is generally considered a great Janus. Sa I ^ 2 M -K Tu 4 W S Th 6 Fr 7 Sa 8 S> 9 M 10 Tu II W 12 Th n Fr 14 Sa I") % 16 M 17 Tu 18 W 19 Th 20 Fr 21 Sa 22 i6 23 M 24 'I'u 2.5 VV 26 Th 27 Fr 28 Sa 29 3!> .^0 M 3« New Year's Day invented 1599, by Queen Eliza- beth, who was much given to collars. Baroness Burdett-Coutts take^ Mr. A. Bart- lett to the play. Great excitement, 1880. George Washington cuts cherry tree with little hatchet and doesn't tell a lie, 1750. Battle of Pigeon Hill fought. Canada captured by the Fenian Army (in their mind) 1866. Contract for building the pyramids of Egypt granted to Cheops & Co., B. C. 1968. Sudden death of distinguished ancester of one of our best families, 1403. Courtney conceives the idea of rowing a race with Hanlan, 1850. Samuel J. Tilden elected President of the United States, 1876. Baby Mine born, 1879. ^i^^ o^ neglect, unwept, unhonored and unsung, 1880. Great Plague of Pinafore devastating Eng-' land and America. Scores perish, 1880. Anna Dickinson makes her debut as z lecturer on Woman's Rights, 1790. Rye House Plot, a scheme for introducing • Dunkin Act, frustrated by King Dodds, JSk ^ 654. Big setting up of drinks. ^M Gents. Go sell your old ulster. I say it, Buy • new one — and don't you delay it, Then lend it to me From one until three, Each fine afternoon, to display it. Ladies. Now, girls, get • new Tam O'Shanttr, Go, cast off your old one instanter, A red one^ you bet, Would luit a brunette. Down King Street or Jarvis to sannter. 13 H. STONE, Funeral Dii«cstor- open Ni^ht and Day. 239, Y0N6E ST. (Continued from page to.) Were diviJc J into two parties, one called Tory, the other Grit The word Tory xras derived from the ancient Irish bog trotting rapa- horee, who, armed with bludgeons, and only half clad, used to rush upon the unsuspecting traveller, with loud cries of Toree, Joree. The name was probably given to the party who then bore it on account of their greater proficiency in stealing public money. The meaning of the word Grit is more obscure, but was most likely given to the other party on account of the immense quantity of " sand " in their composition, or it might have been inconsequence of the axe-grind- ing qualities of some of its leaders. Another governing body was caBed the Senate, composed altogether of " old women," whose sole duty was to sign the receipt for their salaries, and as they apparently took no part in governing the country, we will not again refer to them. There were also seven little Local Legislatures, composed of Mean Persons, whose duties consisted in making long speeches to themselves, and in going on long excursions in which they were accompanied by vast quantities of cork-screws. When the Parliament was not in session, the members thereof amused themselves by holding vast bun-feeds, to which great numbers of the people came, and at which they had what is called a " high old time." The Finance Minister however, spent his time perambulat- ing the country in search of a " hum." What this hum was is not exactly known, but is supposed to have been the offspring of a great white Elephant, imported by the Minister some two years before. Some papers claim that the " hum " was never fonnd, but others claimed that it was to-be seen and heard all over the land by the most superficial observer. The construction of the Paciffc Railway, a work of immense magnitude for the times, was then occupying the attention of the country. Various plans had been adopted for building the road but hitherto without success. In 1880 a plan was before the country to build the road by the sale of Public Lands, and the whole country was in uproar. One party claimed it to be the grandest conception of the age, the crowing act of States- manship, that their Leader who had conceived the idea was little below an angel, and that upon his death his mission in the great hereafter would be to hover over that road, guarding it from all dan- ger. On the other hand the Grit party claimed that the gift of Pub- lic lands was the most iniquitious proc ceding ever known in the his- tory of the world, that their opponent were all land grabbers and enemies to the public trust, and while they did not deny the advant- age of having an angelic guardian over the road, they very much doubted if the opposite leader would ever be qualified to fill that exalted situation. It is doubtful if the road was ever finished, as no trace of it can be discovered at the present day. The social (Continued on page iC.) "ThellluBtrated Oanadian Shortiiand Writer." A Monthlj Magaiine. %\ PEB YEAR. ^lOo. PEB COPT. BROS., XOOROlNrXO. SSXra-OT73-3 PA 1 14 IGE ST. ;»■ Grit The trotting rapa- used to rush , loree. The ft on account The meaning given to the md" in their |he axe-grind- »% body was ," whose sole [y apparently f bin refer to | s, composed >ng speeches which they I's. When 'eof amused mbers of the t "high old perambulat- 1 was is not »g of a great ears before. . but others land by the ffc Railway, 1 occupying adopted for 880 a plan : of Public ty claimed :t of States- 1 was little \ the great •m all dan- ift of Pub- in the hia- bbers and le advant- ery much fill that lished, as h« social J z P^^ o M ^5 CO •" «2g o (Juiney'R Ab, Steam, Water Heating Apparatus. Canadian ^iolirttal ISlecortt, 19S0. Thii month some fui. ■rose. Ov'r the Gov'- D o r' s n 01 west tour, Local States- men did op- pose The aigness of the bcoie. They mnde • special row O'erthe 'cork' screw'chaiige pat in, And Mo wat did al-'Iow It was a tiide February : Liedtenant-Govkbnor's Tbip. 6ttp's i&eltable l^otostope. The Man who is born February will be born bald. With careful nursing he will get over this, however, and enjoy many years of life if he doesn't die early He will be a person of some importance, at least in his own opinion, and as a business man he will make his mark should he be unable to write. He will be a man of his word, though his word may not amount to much. He will always act in accordance with his own convictions — in other words, he will always pay his fine when the magistrate inflicts it, or go to gaol. As a citizen he will be highly esteemed for his readiness to shovel the snow off his front sidewalk. As a member of society he will make his mark — when he goes out early on a slippery morning, and his comments thereon will show him to be a member of society — low society. His life will be one of uniformity, except vvhcn broken by falls, and his predilection for falls will lead him frequently to the falls of Niagara, if it do not lead him to fall from grace. At last he will die. The Woman who is born this mo.-»th will be of a stingy disposition and her nephews will always speak of her as their near relative. She will he much given to chewing gum, if much chewing-gum is given to her. When she gets a new dress she will be very unhappy if she sees any other woman with a nicer one. She will bear an active part in the church militant, and the more militant it is the better she will like it. She will fairly dote on a talented pastor, especially if he Wild is. She can be relied upon to act as her will directs if nothing prevents. Her feet will be large, though she will always wear number two's. Though by no means of cannibal instinct, she will be very fond of young children. As a girl she will display a love for the beauties of nature, and it will be he r delight to lean over the garden gate late at night admiring the distant hills and listening to the soft mumur- ing breeze, and the young man on the other side of the pickets. DALLEY'S PEERLESS FLAVORING EXTRACTS Are preferred by the ladiet on account of their great FvLxit^r. Btxaxxartli. aLaa-dl FIslttox, t > w CO w C ^^ o W GURNEY'S DUCHESS RANGE. ^ for Hwal Wntt Cor Itbxn&tz* Now reap your crop of ice ; warm it and pack it away sumiii.riise. If you haven't an ice house, go and buy one im- mediately. Let the children take their dinner to school. The meal should be light, embracing merely a leg of turkey, six ham sandwiches, three hard boiled eggs, some pumpkin pie, a slice of g'nger cake and a little cold toast - Now look after your cellars, and be particular to wash your cream occasionally. Spend your time in stormy weather in painting cranes and water lilies on the parlor wall, or other aesthetic and useful employment. Now oil your har- ness with a feather — and some oil Put up notices warning rats and mice to beware of trespassing in your barns. Shovel a decent footpath around your farm every time it snows, or you will have to pay a fine some fine day. And don't forget to subscribe for Grip. Cosmopolitan Cssag. ENGLAND. — (PLEBIAN.) . v_— Of all the bloomin' lands on hearth I think the tight I %^^ ^^**^^ hisland called Hingland is on the top of the 'eap. p^^M Britannia rules the waves; leastwise hexcepting the Thames championship course from Putney to the ship at I Mortlake, wich she his'nt a rulin' of no more since that cove 'Anlan made 'is happearance, 'Es a stunner, is >'Anlan, and in the larjwich of 'Enery Hirving (wichi 'eard ^'im at the Lyceum) we sh'awnt be likely for to look upon 'is like again. Hingland is a jolly rum place, an' no mistake. Look at 'er race 'osses ! 'Oo 'asn't been to Hepsom or to New Market, were you can see all the bloomin' swells in the kingdom sittin in their drags an' lour in 'ands, with muslin' veils tied round their tiles? But if you wants to see Hingland in all 'er ';:-ory go up to Lunnon. My heye ! There's a downey village for you ! I knows hevery blessed spot and hevery bleary peeler in it, I does. This 'ere is 'Ludgate '111 ; you don't see no '111 ? — that's because your hcyes ain't 'customed to the bloomin' fog ; 'er<; we 'ave the Thames embankment, showin' Kleepatry's Needle ; ere is were Temple Bar used to be, but the guzzlin' Haldermen th«;y tore hit down' ; that there is Rotten Row, were Mrs. Langtry rides 'ossback with Hal- bert Hedward and the other bloods ; 'ere's the Hagricultural 'AH, were they 'ave the walkin' matches ; that place yonder is wot they calls the Zoo, were they keeps baboons on hexibition. We will pass hon and keep hout of 'arm's way, next casting of our heyes on the Tower of Lunnon, vich everyvon 'as 'eard of Next we 'ave the Mansion 'Ouse, were the Lawd Mayor and the Haldermen enjoys their bloomin' turtle soup. There is several bother places in Lunnon wich I might mention, if I only 'ad time. bd w ^<^ Cfl OU w Ask For Crompton's Corsets. Drawn for Grip's AIihohoc by y. W. Beiigough. 2nd Month. FEBRUARY. 30 Days. CONDENSED ENCYCLOPEDIA.— The name February is derived from the Sabine '.vord februutn, which means to purify. Our readers, who speak the Sabine fluently, are aware of this. February is the month in w'utch we get pure city water, pure milk, ^tc It was introduced into the Roman calendar by Numa, who fraudulently kept back three days. Horace Greeley, born 181 1. A great editor, though he couldn't write well Hamlet, with Hamlet murdered in the first act, produced at Grand. George Cruickshank, artist, died 1878. Though he drew Tke Bottle^ he never drew the cork. J. Burr Plumb makes an exhaustive and ex- hausting speech in Parliament. No encore. The sun discovered by astronomer Royal ■b^^ at London, England. Catherine Howard, beheaded 1543. Wife of Henry VIH., a great lady-killer. All requiring seeds send to Steele Bros. & Co., Toronto, for free illus. catalogue. Conception of original idea by H. J. ^^P Morgan while walking Sparks street. «jMB St Patrick's Day. Great shedding of J^ whiskey over the wrongs ot Ireland, in New York. Suez Canal completed 1869. Successful passage of the Betsy Jane, bound to Port Credit. St. Benedict's Day. General rejoicing among the Clergy over the boom. Daring robbery of political ideas from Mr. Phippsbythe incapable statesmen of Canada 'TwiLIi SNOW THIS MONTH FOB CERTAIN, UOEil OB LESS ; Tv NOT: Twnx DO SOME OTHEB iraNGWE aUEBB. Gknts. Now wrap ^yourself up, waim and cozy, The keen wind will make your cheeks rosy, And dressed in your liest, ^ith your sleign go in quest Of enjoyment with your sweet little Josie. Ladirs. Now arrayed in the height of fashion. With your beau and a turnout mostdashin' Down King Street you fly, So beautiful and shy, ^ You're the hearts of young men just masiiin. Ui Bf u <1 ■bMCd3X rSxo •l-mra.srs la laa tlx* fi:oaa.t pJa.otoyxa.p 'h 1 n a n y BRUCE (Continued Trom page 14.) customs of the Canadians were somewhat after the style of the ancient inhabitants of India. The people were divided into three great classes or castes, and these three were again sub-divided into innumerable gradient classes. The three principle classes were the lower or laboring class, the middle class, and the aristocracy. The lower class comprised the great mass of Employees, who performed hard manual labor. They had various grades, for instance the journeyman mechanic looked with unmingled contempt upon the common day laborer, while the agricultural laborer, even when working for the same rate of wages was completely beneath his notice. The paper collar girl would not sit in the same pew with the woolen factory girl, while the junior clerk in a country dry goods store recognized only the lower stratum of the class above him. The middle class was composed of all employers of labor and the higher class of employees such as clerks, drummers, reporters, and the scissor fiends of country newspapers. But as wealth was the only barrier between this class and aristocracy, many who properly belonged to the middle class were to be found in the ranks of the higher caste. An exception must also be made in favor of Bank clerks, a species at that time quite numerous in Canada. They were usually a class of individuals but scantily endowed with brains; but what they lacked in this respect, they more than made good by their vast amount of self-conceit, called at that time cheek, and which in them equalled that of a canal mule. To them belonged the exclusive right of carrying short canes, parting their hair in the middle, and annoying everybody on the streets. The third, or ar- istocratic class, was what was known as shoddy aristocracy, and was composed exclusively of those who possessed sufficient wealth to live a life of ease. This at times produced some striking anomolies, the leaders very frequently being men who had commenced life as captains of canal boats, or overseers of b'^ck woods farms. There was continual strife going on between these classes, as in our own time the nickles of humanity ever striving to push themselves into dime society, and this naturally producing warfare. The dress of these three classes differed only in the quality of the goods, the holi- day attire of the navvy or cabby being of the same cut and pattern as that of the banker or sport ; and the milk-maid or factory-girl ap- ing in their attire the daughter of the millionaire. The men wore a style of hat called the " plug " which appears to have been speci- ally designed to make the wearer uncomfortable, and was presuma- bly worn as a sort of penance, or perhaps to remind the wearer of the folly and vanity of all thijigs earthly. The women wore an ar- ticle of head-dress called a Tarn O'Shanter, supposed to represent in shape the famous cauldron around which the witches danced when iht original Tarn saw them, and which, to say the least, must (Concluded on page m.) OOUGHS, 00LD8, AC. INVARIABLY OUREO WHEN DAILEY'S SYROP OF HOREHOIIND AND ELECAHPAM IS USED. y. TP. P^aiay ^ Co,, MeOjm J'Koprltow, aCajaalltoa, O P^ 3 tf |h4 Style of the d into three divided into ises were the cracy. The 3 performed nstance the »t upon the even when beneath his pew with y dry goods ibove him. •or and the orters, and th was the 10 properly inks of the T of Bank da. They vith brains; ie good by :Iieek, and 1 belonged hair in the ^ird, or ar- y, and was wealth to momolies, =ed life as s. There 1 our own elves into i dress of i,theholi. d pattern y-girl ap. nen wore en speci- presuma- i'earer of re an ar- •epresent danced ist, must n ^ GURNET'S DUCHESS RANGE. rf i g2 sssv. Csniliian i^olittcil Xtecott, 1880. This month the men of state In Comm o n s duly met Old hold a ferce debate The *e ry •eiGMtjrM. ThcTlriffwM the point On which they aU did rail- But ibr a All! account Consu 1 1 t h • GMttlMma. Mabch: Tabot Dcbati. Grip's XteUa&k l^oroscope. The gentleman who is born in March will hardly know what to make of himself for the first week or two. When he once gets a full grasp of his surroundings he will realize the solemnity of life more clearly. As a boy he will be headstrong if he does the average amount of standing on his head that boys do. He is likely to outgrow his clothes. In after life it will be safe to bet that he will have a strong taste for business, in which case he had better keep out of the liquor trade, as a strong taste has ruined many fellows. He will have a strong taste for other things — pie, for instance, and will make a very poor printer, his taste for pi being against him. He will display extraordinary taste in selecting a wife — bad taste, and will leave this earth at an early date. As the head of a family he will display great affection — for his pipe. He will always be ready to nurse the baby, and would make a very good nurse if he wasn't so fond of his bottle. The Woman who is bom in this month will be somewhat pleased at having nice things said about her. As a wife she will be a model, though whether it would be prudent to take her as a pattern we will not say. She will, at all events, look after her family, and also after every other woman who passes her with a new bonnet on. Domestic duties will engross her whole attention if she hasn't time ^.o attend to anything else. Though of a cleanly disposition she will not be particularly fond of vvashing day, especially if her bosband works in a tannery. She will also be very observant of hunun nature in general, and of the company her husband keeps Ui particular. This will lead to rows and strife, if he does not keep his weather- eye open. She will live to a good old age unless she turns out to be a bad old woman, and wiU die a peaceable death, unless she comes to a bad end. Have you a fine or complicated Watch that yon can't get repaired eliewhereT Consult us as we make a Specialty of Fine Repairs. WOLTZ BROS * CO., 29 KING STREET EAST. TORONTO. ^ P i ■I •! 4 X o I- ^CE O O o Q PQ o ^^^; TH08. DAVIE8 & CO.-tHctf* Kural faints foe JHatcb. Spring is coming; there is no use in deceiving you, rural reader, Spring is certainly coming. Now be lively. See that your hoes are well greased ; sharpen up your threshing machine ; get your waggon summer fallowed ; be sure that your ploughs are well oiled, in fact have everything in readiness for some big fun. Look after your spring lambs and mint sauce crop. Now plant your clover seed, but be careful to get the rows a proper distance apart. Danger may be apprehended from high winds this month ; put up a weathercock to protect your barns. Let your grown up son take the horses out on Sundays (with your neighbor's daughter) for exercise. See that your un^brella crop is carefully housed against the approach of April. 1 urn your hogs into your market garden, if you would insure a good crop, and subscribe for Grip, root, hog, or die. Cosmopolitan fSssap, SCOTLAND. — THE NORTH. fear. Scotland wass a ferry old country whatefTer. It was there pefore the flood. Ta Gaelic wass the lankwidge of Adam and Efe. Professor Plackie is off ta same opinion as me on this thing, and so is the oldest son of MacCallnm Mohr, ta Markiss off Lome. She is a stoot, clean lad, an' ia fine honest man moreofer pesides. I wass spoke a good deal to her at Invarary. Ta Markiss is now gone awa an' _ is lifing in Canada among ta wild bodaghs, but she has no What shall the Clan Campbell be fear of, foreby whatformore ? Scotland is bounded on ta South py ta Grampian Hills, an' ta Mull of Cantyre. To be surely there will pe a ferry small deestrick petween tat places an' ta Cheeviot Hills tat will be called Scotland, but it is filled with Sassanach bodaghs and will be no Scotland what- efTer. Ta other name for Scotland is ta Heelans, an* all ta goot soldiers will be born there. It'll be ferry strange indeet ta Heelant always pe attack apoot her lankwidge when she'll spoke goot as Englis' as wha'll spoke she'll nefTer. Altso, an' moreofer, maype them say wan word against ta Heelant no ken ta single Englis' more as her nainsel' foreby. To be surely ta ferry instinct whateffer in effery way Heelant blinds know ta unjust always pe laid on ta Hee- lant man's back, sneer and scofft at ta ladts. But wan sing she'll adfocate ta Heelan, an' that wass worsey of keepit in remember — it wass more intelligent to haf twa lankwidge in her head as shust wan to scoff. Proudt to be a Heelant an' always standt ta Heelant cause 'gainst all ta spokes, an' that's wan neffermore song a dear con- science wis ta wordts, ,0=--= to Ui » w ASK FOR THE FLEXIBLE HIF CGRSET, MANUFACTURED BY THE CROMi»TON CORSET CO. 2C -J ^^/^:f^9t^ Drawn for Grip's Almanac by F. Ofjiir. ard Month. MARCH. CONDENSED ENCYCLOPiEDIA.— March is so called after Mars, the god of war- Since the invention of repeating rifles, needle-guns, etc., the nations conduct their wars with- out any reference to Mars, or any other Deity, true or false. In this month hairs f,t,X. into the butter and make boarders angry ; hence the adage, Mad as a March hair. Piper's museum inaugurated with Pomp (from St John's Ward) ceremony and white mice. Globe published without any article on JK Tupper. Disgust among the newsboys. A^^ Galileo, b. 1164. Much addicted to his iiC^ glass, and died because the earth went round. Susan B. Anthony, aged 35, much agitated over a highly perfumed valentine sent her, 1802. Dr. Tanner born fasting, 1825. Acquires an appetite for watermelon, 1880. Paris entered by the German army, and all the lager bier breweries and sausage shops sacked, 1871. Benjamin F. Butler, joined the Democra- tic Party. D. C locks up spoons. Remarkable dearth of silver coin on the collection plates of Toronto churches. Name of Queen City changed from Muddy York. No change in condition of streets. First appearance of Doc Sheppard in the Trial Scene, Police Court, 1880. Terrible massacre of Grit office-holders by " the Conservative Gov. in the public interest. Wholesale appointment of Conservative office- holders in their room and stead, ditto. 31 Days. Ladies. The weather in March you will find, So distingushed for plenty of «rind. Out WalkinK now go, If you've ankles to snow. And to a)! vulgar starers be kind. Gents. Now, this is a month with an R, Treat your ladies to scalloped oyster, Get a cold in the head ; Or. if you're high-bred, Get a dose of the tony catarrh. riuiiyi u s H. STONE, Faneral Director. Telephone Communication. 239 YONGE 8T. Continued from page i8.) have been very becoming. They were ordered to appear before the Governor General in a semi-nude state, thus doing honour to his dignity and tending to promote morality. The religion of the people was either Protestant or Roman Catholic ; their temples be- ing among the finest in the world, and bore evidence of the bounti- ful piety of those who built them. Their religious professions were in general sincere, and their moral conduct good. There was how- ever, a sect of Pagans in the land who, in contradiction to the an- cient Israelites, who worshipped a golden calf, constructed a God of pajier, which was called the " Rag Baby," the followers of the Rag Baby being known as Beaver backers. Their leaders were principally men of unsound minds, who dearly loved the sound of their own voices ; but upon the whole they appear to have been of harmless disposition, and to have soon died off, many of them end- ing their days m the asylums. The principal newspapers of Canada at that time were, the Mat'/, the G/ol^e, and Grip; especially the lat- ter being a most noted paper. The two former were known as the organs of the two great parties, and devoted a great amount of space to bespattering each other with filthy abuse. Each was, according to the other, edited by the most wretched type of malignant human- ity that the mind of nian could conceive. Grip, was however, ac- knowledged by both to have been most gentlemanly in his conduct, and wise in his criticisms of public events. The Canadians must have been much given to travelling about from place to place, that is if the number of houses of accommodation be any criterion. These houses of accommodation were built expressly for the use and benefit of the travelling public, and were called hotels, and it will give some idea of the amount of travel, when it was found necessary to have nearly three hundred of these hotels in the city of Toronto alone. In conclusion the lecturer said that time would not permit him to mention several other interesting features of the social life of the Canadians, but that at some future time he might again have occasion to address them upon the same subject Timothy A sculler should sleep like a top after a long spin. When a child is dressed by its nurse in the nursery it attends a matin-knee. Kettledrums are no longer novel-teas. Although painting is a difficult art to learn, most artists paint easely. " Ewe get out 1 " as the farmer said to the lamb in his com. Attic philosophy — treaties composed in a garret. FOR FINE WATCHES, GOLD CHAINS. AND DIAMONDS MATCHED IN PAIRS. CALL ON WALTZ BROS, ft CO.. ^9 King St East, Torooto I ^ 9 ^ CO X * W 1. SUAtat^ loch Cal^ The fiunoR C. B.. Mow crMi the oc •alt Vnto to Old C< tto*. 22 GURNET'S COUNTESS BASE BURNER CHnatfan ^oliticsl HecotH. 1880. SbAlex. Till- loch CalL The famoni K. C. B., Now crotted the ocMn talt Unto to the Old Com- tte«i He represents our land, H is salnry't k beaiiijr, He's p.iid to d* the Kr'">d, And likCHiie doUtdu^. Apbil : Sib a. T. Ou.t's Dbpabtubi. The gentleman who is bom in April will escape a deal of unmerited punishment at the hands of alleged humorists if he avoids being born on the first day thereof. If he is bom on that unfortunate date he is likely to display extreme foolishness during his life ; he will back notes for friends, or run for the village council, or show his want of sense in some similar form. If any other day of the month be his birthday he will be a person of great brain power, and will hardly ever re- fuse to take three meals a day. As a lad he will be fond of the girls, and will take delight in cutting out the other boys. Noticing his cutting out talents his parents may apprentice him to a tailor, but he may not be adapted to that business, and any tailor who isn't ^.fit person will not suit. He will display a love of figures, mathe- matical as well as feminine, and he will therefore be likely to make a successful book-keeper if the parties he borrows from don't insist on their volume sbeing returned. The woman who is bora in this month will, if born 5 near the first day thereof, have a habit of " fooling " peo- ple ; and will be foolish enough to indulge this silly habit with marriageable young men, until her chances in the n* trimonial market are at zero. She will, upon discovering this fact, be foolish enough to take the first man that offers, and will consummate her folly by discovering that she has made a fool of herself when it is everlastingly too late. Her folly will be of no benefit to other women, because of their utter inability to take warning by the fate of others. After marriage she will have the good sense to make the best of the situation, and will live a tolerably iSappy life, beloved by her husband, and respected by a large circle of friends. This being a green month, she will live to a green old Age, and her grave wiU always be kept green by her loving children. SHAPTER'S WINTER FLUID, PEEPARED ONLY BY SH APTKR A JKrrREY. COR. YONOB * CARLTON STREETS, TORONTO. 83 M t- ■ 9 !. Hi I o O r;3 S5 ;^§ O eS M •. K OQ ± »H « O a o s CO •» d 1 ^J H W o p ^ SHORTHAND WRITERS SUPPLIED ON SHORT NOTICE FOR mSUBANOE, LAW AND NEWSPAPER WORK. BENGOUGH BROS., TORONTO. ISirxtil atbttr for '^ipxiU Agricultural reader ! perhaps you are not aware that Spring is here. Now is the time to see about your fences ; make them so that the rain cannot injure your cabbage plants. Barbed wire fences are recommended in sections of country infested with spring poets and chromo agents. Now pick the stones off the farm and throw them into your neighbor's lot Don't let your stock go on meadows while the ground is spongy ', they are apt to get their feet wet. Plough your usual fifteen acres some day this month, and then give the item to the nearest editor. Begin gardening operations. Make the boys help you ; they are always inclined to dig when gardening begins. Sow your clover, and get your wife to sow your tares. Taffy-pulls can now be held as a means of spend- ing your evenings in a pleasant and intellectual manner. Don't forget to subscribe for Grip. CosmotioHtan iSfssagf . SCOTLAND.— SOUTH. Gin I wad undertak' tae tell a' aboot auld Scotia in the space o' a page o' type, I micht be taken for a daft b .. ., as I surely wad be. Why, losh mon, do you no ken it's the graun'est o'allkintras? It wad require bukes upon bukes, or a tongue like yon chiel Guthrie had in his held tae paint the half o't in a week o' Sawbaths. Wha ha na heard o' the Laun o' Cakes, wi its towerin' craigs, its michty lochs, its graun Cas'les, aye an' its bonnie las- sies 1 Wha hasna read the works o' Robbie Burns, an' wept wi' him, puir buddie, o'er ilka blade o' grass; or laughed wi' him lood an' lang o'er the dreadfu' fricht o' Tam o' Shanter, or swell'd wi' him at the memory o' Bannockburn, or melted wi' him at the feet o' Bonnie Mary ? Whaur will ye fin' the laun' that has mair o' the glorious an' o' the tender wrapped up thegither than auld Scotia ? Gin ye wad see the Scot in a' pairfection hie yersel' to yonder taw- vern on the nicht o' Saint Andrew. Losh save us ! Whatna a time ! Tongue an' pen wad fail ! Ye mon see it tae believe the quantity o' cantie an' drouthy chiels, an' the heaps o' parritch an' haggis an' whuskey it tak's tae serve them ! Aye, mon, Scotland yet I Her sons and dauchters the warl' o'er think o' her wi fondness, the whiles they tak' a' the leading poseetions wherever they happen to be. These remairks hae a special reference, of course, to the pairt o' Scotland ca'd the Lowlands. Aws for the ither pairt I wadna say o'er muckle, the puir boddies wha' live among the moontains o* the North are vera guid at tendin* sheep an' fichtin', but they canna speer the English weel an' are o' sma accoont compared wi' us o' the Sooth. The Crompton" Corset Coy. a3JBKCt-ULX«xs of a>xp*xlex Oexsata.. /.»4 Drawn for Grip's Almanac by Palmer Cox. 4th Month. APRIL 30 Days, CONDENSED ENCYCLOPAEDIA The name April is derived from the Latin word Aferiri, to open. This is therefore the month set apart by dry-good's merchants for Spring ojieninKs. This is generally a very sloppy month, and henct ii is always selected by our City Council for opening the sewers. Umbrellas are also in a state of optnness this month. All Foors Day celebrated by people who back notes for other people. People begin to sow seeds, from Steele Bros. & Co., Toronto. Catalogue free. Courtney poisoned with boarding house butter when sure of beating somebody, 1869. Fall of rain in London. Public excite- "^ ment over the novelty of the situation. ^, John Smith, hackman, who never over- * charged, died 1073. The last of his tribe. Name of Dufferin Terrace, Quebec, changed to Tanneries Swap Terrace, for euphony. Hon. H. Langevin knighted for eminent pub- lic services, about 1999. Declaration of Ind. of Parkdale. Toronto taxgatherers burned in efifigy. Navigation opened on the Thames at Lon- don, Ont, by the removal of oyster cans, etc. Accession of Joly Government, Quebec, 1879. Too good to live. Died, 1880. Parliament dissolved by Cromwell, who was tired of hearing Tom White's speeches, 1653 Courtney fouled by a wire by fiendish foes, when sure of beating somebody, 1870. «. Afbil! let's BSE — THIS UONTH LOOK OtJT FOB 8H0WEBB. If THET don't OOUB THB funbbal's NONI or omts. Ladies, In April the weather is wet, And the ladies all know it, yon bet When they have to go out. To search all about For a dwellinK place new, that's to let. Gknts. When you were a pupil at !et r«Tni1n ■vtrlxaxi VLa«dL. a? This is the time to march to TH08. DAVIES&CO. And leave your orders for tip top Stock Ales. •I 03 03 O H .2 ^ rt ea o3 :: •43 § M « O .'" O 3) 2 CQ * Q-i ^ Xtural ^Hbtte for fHag. Your grass and clover crops have been sown, and your first operations this month should be to gently assist their growth by rolling over the field. A good practical farmer can do this with- out dirtying his clothes. Get in the greater part of your potato crop this month. Take them in, bugs and all ; the insects can be removed by careful boiling. Now sow your pop corn, and get your old family musket ready to fire a salute for Her Majesty's birthday. The boys should not be allowed to set off fire-crackers in the hay-mow ; it is apt to frighten the fat cattle. Dairy opera- tions now begin ; lay in a good supply of swill from the distillery, and feed your butter-giving cows on leeks exclusively ; it gives a fine durability to the butter. Now is the time to plant trees ; shade trees should always be planted with the branches upwards. Be careful to have the bark on the outside. Subscribe for Grip. Cosmo)ioIttan Csdas* NO. II. IRELAND — "^HE NORTH. The Neurth av Ireland €s be no means the seem os the Saouth. They wuldn't mex no more nor oil an wather. The Neurth is Protestants, an thee ston up for Civil and Religious liberty, so they deu, — an show me the mon that dars tak off his hat to the Pope en I'll knock the walls av Derry out av him in ten monits ! Mon alive, ^ but the Neurth is the chops that con't be med a feul af, _ J^ mein ye that now ! A gentlemon from the Neurth may be pecked out be the keind ov a coat he has on. It is no swally-tail, claw-hammer consarn leek yez always sees en pec- tures av an Irishman engeged in the disre/«/(fable goins on at Donnybrook Fair, but on the confrairy ut's a black cloth coat and skarts to it, what they call a frock-coat; on besides this, the Neurth chops always has a but av a whisker undther their chen, and like- wise red hair, in a manner av spakin. The Neurth mon is a mon av enfioonce as a ward politician, and when he sees fet to make a little ruction in a bar-room, there's not a snoozer can put him out, mein ye that, now. Sometimes the part av the counthry I'm spakin av is called the Black Neurth, but for what carcumstance it's called that is more nor I can tell. There isn't a nagur to be foun' in the whole av Ulster, though there's plenty av Orangemin, bless their sowls, and they are the boys to ston up an fight for the glorious, pious an immortal memory of King William wanst a year, or oftener av yez like. Ut es a good solid Protestant pleece, so ut is, and on the Twelfth of July when the bon' plees Boyne Wather^ near all the people in Galway takes off their hats, and the rest goes to some safe pleece av seclusion. Crompton's Corsets ARE SOLD BY THE LEADING MERCHANTS THROUGHOUTTHE DOMINION _ Wl ^ JCJ mM:fk^-9tm, Drawn for Grip's Almanac hy Jos. Davis, 5th Month. MAY. 31 Days. CONDENSED ENCYCLOPAEDIA.— This Month wu named May in honor of the goddess Maia, (which was probably a mis-spelt form of Maria.) This lady was the dauzhter of Atlas— who acts as a trade mark for the Globe Ins. Co. Thu word May meant mMtr, hence Tennyson's line should read, " I'm to be queen of the Mother, Mother." S) M Tu W Th Fr Sa a> M Tu W Th Fr Sa IS M Tu W Th Fr Sa S> M Tu W Th Fr Sa & M Tu I 2 ■\ 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 II 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 9 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 reneralj day. m Biith of funny men in various news papers. General gloom prevails, 1 880 Christopher Columbus, the original father of Confederation, died, 1506. Lord Dufferin appointed Governor-General, 1872. Captured the Canadians next day Birth of Grip, 1873. Great public de- ^ monstration throughout the Dominion Also, birth of Queen Victoria, 1819. Corsica taken, 1767. History is silent as to where it was taken to. Passage of Reform Bill, 1867, when Bill Macdougall passed into the Tory ranks. MacMahon, Emperor of the French, dissolves the Assembly, 1877. Homer, poet and tramp, born in Athens, Cor- inth, Guelph, Yorkville and Gait, B. C, 283. Courtney's boat ' cut to order ' by some tool, when sure of beating somebody, 1878. Courtney sunstruck at Washington when sure of beating somebody, 1880, Courtney makes the fastest time on record, (with his tongue), 1881. Toronto Island washed away through the negli- gence of the city authorities, 1890, Gbnts. Bring out your lacrosse-sticks to slash, Paint your boots if you've got enough cash ; Put away your claw-hammer. Excuse my bad grammar. And go in for field sports with a dtwh. Ladibs. Sweetest month in the year, say, Is this changeable, beastly monlii May. Your dear little nose You frequently blowt. And its color is certainly gay. \ H. STONE, Telephone Oomm&tir family, nd from lustrious Toronto, i name., solvency ter man and it :ter like ant was] *fcGrab, i a good Both IteJ m y— that red the lich has ives the snius as !nt her- bage, as le time d in the startled the fer- a good a Cap- to. ded in irkable in the )ine of i Irish Irish- And, author §• ^i iS. 00 . 3 ' M 4^ k ° So I as 5 « - CD o S» 3 W O P XT o CD CO 3' "1 1' I:: ! ;' Li M ' «i(.i ¥^ 1 ' ■■ .'^. ? Everybody acknowledges that ■^HOS. DAVIE8& CO.-^^" -•'■ ^^^ I Porter beati 'em all. Eursl Stbtce foe 3nnt, Now attend to the work in your orchard. See that the dogs are kept out, as they are apt to bark the trees. Go in for bee-cul- ture ; it is all the fashion. In managing bees, handle them with gloves — buckskin recommended. Now harvest your crop of weeds. Corn may still be planted, but it should be done judiciously. It is not well for a farmer to get too much corned. This month cut all grasses. It is advisable to cut them with something sharp, at the end nearest the ground. Don't forget to take in all the picnics in your neighborhood. Every farmer ought to be in clover this month. Get your barns renovated, and the patent medicine advertisements thereon freshly painted. Sheep shearing is now in order ; don't fail to get your hair cut. Butter making can be carried on at the same time, also, though it is advisable to have a good high wall between the departments. Subscribe for Grip. Cflstr-polttan Essag. IRELAND — THE SOUTH. Oireland is the gim av the say. That's fwhat Oi'm towld the poet, Tom Moore, wanst sed, sez he, and its thru for him. Barrin the miserable shpalpanes av landlords that do be wringin the lasht haporth out av the poor tinants, and thin goin off to kick up their didoes and spind their money in France, an barrin the bogs V an the bad harvists, an the loikes av that, sure Oirland ^^ is a jewel intoirely. Av all the lands on the face av the airth, not wan can stan alongside av the shwate ould sod for purty guils, rollicking bies and gud fwhiskey. O, whurra-whurra, they do be tellin us that it's fwhiskey that's the curse av Oireland, but, bad scan to thim, I don't belave a worrd av it, so I don't. It's the curse of Cromwell that kapes Oirland down, not fwhiskey at all. Be me sowl, but it's a purty shpot, anyhow. Look at thim lakes av Killarney, wud yez, and show me the bit av water that bates thim ! As for Dublin an Cork, an the loikes av such places, sorra another counthry in the world can compare wid thim, an av I only had toime, I cud tell yez of great Oirishmin such as O'Con- nell an Emmett, an Parnell an Davin, who have done noble dades for the liberation -av Oirland, though, be me sowkins, she's as far from liberation now as she iver was. But howld on, me laddy buck ; just wait a fwhile ! Whishper ! Oirland was the birthplace av St. Pathrick, who I belave was a gentlem.an if there iver was wan He belonged to the Land Lague, an wint in fur freein Oire- land from the prisince av toads, an shnakes, an Ian'? lords, an crapin things av ivery sort, more power to him. Be the same token I'll whelt thi spalpeen over the hid wid dis bit of a sthick who disa- .greas wid that ; d'ye moind now? /]^^ ' '1 r_ t W M hi > W Q a Crompton's Corsets Awarded Silver Medal, \ INDUSTRIAL EXHIBITION, TORONTO. ^ 32 er, Ales and eats 'em all. It the dogs or bee-cul- them with p of weeds, iously. It month cut larp, at the picnics in his month, rtisements don't fail t the same ill between «rhat Oi'm z he, and alpanes av out av the eir didoes the bogs k:e Oirland ace av the I for purty lurra, they eland, but, lon't. It's whiskey at k at thim water that ich places, lim, an av as O'Con- )ble dades lie's as far me laddy birthplace iver was reein Oire- an cmpin token I'll who disa- !edal, aft w bj 01 he ii 1K<' €clid ly iJl >'SF.D KNCY "LOPjEDIA. — This month was considered _ by the ancients 1 1 I ^cccts!- JiNo, whose mythological duty it was to protect married women. Since V(i (I of ihf N. P., ItJNos business is gone, as the married women are now pro- Tillty. 1 his month the sun enters Cancer, hence crni/ apples are in season. \V I'll Fr Sa s .M I'll W Th Kr Sa S M I'll vV rii I'r S;l s VI Tu VV rii Fr ^a M I'll \V u I 2 4 5 6 7 8 9 lo II 12 »3 H '5 l6 17 i8 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 his The June bug born, Anno Mundi, i, and been around more or less ever since. Appearance of sea serpent at Ottawa in the boots of a C. S. clerk. ^'Vrrival of Chc^mplain at Tadousar in the Managing Director's private car, G- T. R. jjPresident Hayes say.? to himself, " Uneasy lies, the head thai- is counted in," 1877. Chas. H. Spurgeon, born 1 703, under the con- stellation of the Great Dipper. God bless him. John Wesley, born 1703. Great preacher, f^ but ignorant of church bazaars, etc., j^^ The Pirates of Penzance defeated by the modern Major Gen. Stanley, 1880, Great battle between Peru and Chili. One man wounded and several mules killed, 1878. Completion of a new house in Winnipeg. After-dinner speeches on glorious futuic of the great North-west. Washington Irving, author of /oe fefferso.i other well known stories, born 1783. Black-eyed Su.an sent down for sixty days lor contempt of Police Court. Batde of Waterloo fought June, 181 5. i' Boney got licked. Gents. Now 'tis the ■».... onlh of June, Take your girl to some candy saloon ; Order two" of icexream, Though in-sip-id it seem, ■ A tK».- r-.i,l ■■•1, - ,..,„^-. Ladies. If the heat now you really can't stand. And you feel just like doing it grand, To Niagar.i go. With fantastical toe, And •' hon it" to P.r.- (.nViprjr's banfl. ' 33 s u w H His 1—1 U Eh s ^^ o o u H u p^ THE ARTIST WHO PHOTOGRAPHS ALL THE CHILDREN BRUCE lid KiNc Street WEST, TORONTO, ONT. )l2omapatf)tc Batitn of papulae Hutljors. No. III. — JIM BROWN AT THE PUBLIC SCHOOL. — BY PREFACE. HUGHES. As there is a work extant bearing the title "Tom Brown at Oxford," by Thos . Hughes, I deem it well to say I am not //utt Hughes, neither h this t/iai book. I have nuthiiii^ in com- mon with that author excepting the accident of a name, and a great taste lor athletic sports — esi)eciully lacrosse. I have fuitlicr to say that I am not myself the hero of the story, as it de- sciiLes the Public School as it now is, not as it was when I was a lad. FIRST BOOK, OR PRIMER. A feller named Tom Brown has wrote a book about the times he had at Jiuyby, so I will write about the way I got on in the Pub- lic School of Toronto. He appears to have had a big time, as most of his book is about cricket and so forth. I guess there won't be much of that sort of fun in mine. I was sent to school at the age of five, as my parents was anxious I should have branes and become a vettinary surjon. At the end of the first year I knew my alphabet, and my head had growed pretty near as big as dad's. SECOND BOOK. The second year I began to read o-x ox, and a-s-s, cat. At the same time they made me draw maps. " I don't know how to draw maps," says I to the teacher, " i wish you would show me." " I'll show you how I'll draw your neck," says he. ** I ain't here to show, I'm here to keep you youngster out of your mother's road." For m^ impidence, I got kept in and had to copy out six pages of history. My head was simply immense. THIRD BOOK. The next term I got algebra, roots, hygeneand weather proba bilities to learn. I told the teacher I didn't understand 'em. He said for me to mind my own business. I asked him what that was, and he said it was to get promoted ' the High School, and the soon- er I got there the better it would be for him. I fetched my aunt's parrot to school with me and told the teacher to educate it for the High School with the rest of us. My head was now the size of a small tub. FOURTH BOOK. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself in the Fourth Book, and had a whole lot more of ologies piled on for me to learn. I never went out to play after school. Though I hadn't time to eat, it was one continued cram with me. At last my head EPILOGUE. The autobiography ceases here. The author regrets to learn that Jim Brown's head bursted at this point. Still, he has written enough to show that our school system in an admirable one. SHATTER'S WINTER FLUID, PREPARED ONLY BY SHAPTER & JEFFREY, COR. YONGE & CARLTON STREETS, TORONTO. 34 CO m B i^W Sti- ^,^-r^ c Street 3T, :0, ONT. fLYBY TORONTO. HUGHES, riios. Hughes, I niithini^ in cora- atlileiic sports — stury, as it de- it the times 1 in the Pub- ime, as most re won't be at the age and become ny alphabet, cat. At the teacher, "jli e. ♦• I ain't our mother's ut six pages lather proba d 'em. He lat that was, md the soon- ;d my aunt's e it for the lie size of a the Fourth I for me to hadn't time ' head ets to learn has written one. B H. oTONE, Teleph'SHloi^Sation, 239 YONGE 8T' CanaHian ^Dlttual IfttcorU, 1880. when hot July arrived, Snys^uhn A,— Ihcsa cure I) "It's lime that we con- trived T o h ave our annual toiu. I've f at ItUka WeFall pack up, and state, That we're go- ing abroadto look For a Railway Syndicate I ** JuLV: Tub Syndicate Trip. aSixiif't 1£leltable l^oroscope. The Man why is born in this month will be of a specu- lative diiposition and will invest his money in " corn." The effect of his consumption of " corn "-juice will be to make him " corned," although it will be hard afterwards to make him acknowledge the " corn." He will not, how- ever, be a " corn "-stalk, although he will take " stock " — ot anything that happens to come in his way. Being naturally am- bitious, he will try to " get " office, and shall succeed therein, — if he does not " get " left. His sympathies at this time will be with the "Electors," who will decide whether he shall be the elect-or not. If elected he will take his " seat " in Parliament, unless he is elected to stay at home, in which case he will take his " seat" in the back yard. He will be of a san-" guine " disposition ; and his favorite song will be " Gwine back to Dixie." He will live to a good old age — if he don't die young, and will be kindly remember- ed by all — except his creditors. "^ The Woman who is born in this month will be warmly received — by her mother when she fails to return directly from school. She will be a " warm " friend, unless she takes cold; more especially will she "warmly" receive book-agents and tramps ; so " warm " that the house will be too hot to hold them. She will make a good wife — if she gets a husband, and will be of a weak constitution, — especially on washing-day. She will be noted for her jokes, although if any- one attempts any pranks on her, they will find it no "joke." As a school-mistress she will succeed, — in making all the children hate her ; and she will leave her mark on the youthful portion of the community — with a stick. At last she will be forced to leave that profession, and will become a star actress who are usually " sticks " more or less. She will not be a success in anything she undertakes — except in the matter of gossip, in which her talent for sticking — (D the truth, will give her a decided advantage. .McCABE & Co'y, UNDERTAKEBS,^ 333 Queen Street, West, Toronto, 35 w \_ ""isr' TflOS. DAVI E8 & CO. 8 '-^^, '^ r n hi O changes cakes n laural a*iijice for 3ulg. Having recovered from Dominion Day dissipation, go to work and get in your hay. If it comes on raining go a-fishing for black bass. Now get out your fancy reaper and take a drive through your wheat field. Provide your hired men with frequent of linen this month. The raw material for buckwheat ought to be planted now. Look after your orchard, thin out superfluous fruit, smrll boys, etc. Corn beef niay now be sown. Get in your thistles this month if you intend to have any seed for next season. Attend to your garden ; feed Paris green plentifully to your Colorado beetles, and see that your neighbors' hens are strangled with as little pain as possible. Take your wife and daugh- ters to the sea-side, they absolutely need the change, because Squi-e Jones' folks are going. See that your fly-paper is carefully set each morning, and kee;) your dog well watered. S'nave your lawn regularly and your chin occasionally. Subscribe for Grip. Cosmopolitnu (Essaji. NO. VI I. — FRANCE. Vive bagatelle, je suis toutjours gai. Yaas, French I am, and proud of it at the sen? time according. I spik ze Angleesh parfaitcment, "Ro.stbif!" "Bifsteck!" v.-hat more to prove that je suis cosmopolitan. That is citizen of the universe. I will live nowhere out of Paree. Ze life you lead outside of Paree is not life. But no use to talk. Existence ? Par le sacre bomb ! Living death, lonnerre e'enfer come to la belle Paree to /wc". Milor and Miladi, ze Quartier Breda shall open of its doors to welcome you. Ze Boulevards shall extend her greetings, and Francais cook shall excel himself and all for you. I shall he'd myself at your honor- able disposal, and who can do for you ze honors of ze belle Paree so well as I ? Tra la, la, vive la glire mon soddat poir, aussi boire'. You see I wri^ • sometimes for witty papiers, and my soul's exulta- tion comes to ze surface. A national bird we have, an eagle. ^Some English folk say chanticleer. You say we get zat at Water- oo. Zat it means shant-i-clear. What you trans-herringpon- dians call rooster. Ha ! you smile. Then don't. It is no laugh- ing matter. The Gallic nation can not beslandered while Adolphe De Mountebanke survives. He is ready to meet these slanderers with the sword of a brave man. Purbleu, Ze eagle ! Type of bravery and sublime strenght ! He looks the sun in the eyes. The sun stares him in full o^ his face. He winks not, but looks him straight by reason of his sublime courage. France ! I salute you 1 Au rcvoir. Profound emblem of Crompton's Corsets HAVE OUTRIVALLED ALL OTHERS IN QUALITV STYLE AND FINI'S-T. 36 (!) (J w II M S bj W :^ W > a > q o A^^U Beer, ry a to work ihing for a drive frequent ickwheat ard, thin be sown. seed for lentiluliy hens are J daiigh- because iaper is Siiave cribe for rcnch I I spik ze what s citizen .ree. Ze o use to IS death, lilor and me you. >oIv shall ir honor- le Paree ssi boire'. 5 exulta- m eagle, t Waler- ■ringpon- o laugh- Adolphe anderers Type of es. The oks him iblcm of • I la ?w w CONDEMSED ENCYCLOPAEDIA.— Originatly the name of this month was fui»fi/is, but as it proved extremely hot, they changed it to July. This was done in honor of Julius C-«SAR. the well-known Shakesperean tragedian, he having just retuined from the Fenian wars. July has ever since been devoted to fire-crr.ckers on the first and fourth days. Fr I Sa 2 S> 1 M 4 Tu S W 6 Th 7 Fr 8 Sa q Sb lO M II Tu 12 W n Til 14 Fr 15 .Sa i6 & 17 M i8 Tu 19 W 20 Th 21 Fr 22 .Sa 2.^ 5 24 M 25 Tu 26 W 1 27 Th 28 Fr 29 .•^a .so Si 31 Dominion of Canada ^ Confederation Day. invented, 1867. Aj^ Yankee Doodle born at Independence Hall, Philadelphia, 1776. £. Fluribus Domino ! Torontos defeated by Shamrocks at Montreal. Cyprus captured by Beaconsfield, and adopted as a pest-house for British troops, 1878. Importation of slaves into Canada prohibited, 1793. No demand while whiskey is made. Invasion of Canada by the American army,, Defeat of the latter with ease, 1813. Great demand for sticking-plaster in Montreal, because King Wm. crossed Boyne, 1877. St. Swithin's Day. Mr. Caudle lectured by the Mrs. for having lent his umbrella, 1830. Battle of Mackinac, (Mac, meaning Mac- kenzie, and knack, John A.), 1873, Quebec capitulated to the English — used in' the editorials of Morning Chronicle* 1629. Tom Collins goes on a six months tour through the columns of the iiewspapers, 1879. Gus. Pitou, becomes popular with Toronto newspaper men, 1984. Triumph of Home Rule, 1876. Thi 8 MOMTO — BOLD PROPHECY — THERE WILL BB lOB (Dumped AT TBI DOORa or THOSE WHO PAY THE PRICE.) CiHNTS. To the eladsome Vitioria Park Mow take your I est nl for a Iark| A quarter's the i.ire From Toronto to there, But be sure to fjeX home before dark Ladies. Should you be besouRht l,y your beau, To go out on the bay ror :> row, Say " Darlintjest Hill Since you wish me I will, For a week I've been longing to RO. FRUii f\ &J Hi STUmL, Telephone Communioation. lOUf YUllut ul. y^ l^otnoepfjattc IBostg o£ ^Popular 'EtiUjow, LIVE SEA FISH, BV MISS BAD'UN. Chapter l. — The Bridegroom of the Groom-Bride. "It doesn't hurt yet," was the remark of the lovely Flora Fustus to her parents' hired maw, Jim Jones, whom she had just surreptitiously married. She alluded to the outlines of a bracelet in the form of a blue and red serpent, which he had just tatooedon her leit arm. It bore this inscript, "F. F. married J. J. May I, 42 — ." It did hurt for all that. It brought on eyrsipelas and a fever that lasted six weeks, and completely altered the whole con- stitution of her mind. Her memory was wrecked, and when she heard that the handsome hired man had got into jail and had eloped with the jailer's wife, she was not grieved, scarcely surprised. She thought no more of it. Years passed after Maria Black carried away Flora's Jim Jones. Flora's pa, who had been very rich, was slowly poison- ed by her uncle, a druggist. This she afterward learned from his shop-boy Flora was then living with her widowed mother in To- ronto, where she attended the Normal School. The apprentice boy too, was attending the Normal School. He would ho t told her all about it but the regulations of the Normal School strictly forbade the young men pupils to speak to the young lady pupils. One day Flora heard of a picnic to Victoria Park, and there met the rich Mr. Lloyd, of Jarvis St., who at ^nce fell in love with her and they were married. Chaptkr II. — Happiness un-a-Iloyd. One beautiful afternoon Flora walked down Jarvis Street, when she saw Mr. Lloyd just before her. He walked into a church where a small party of friends were awaiting him. Flora watched him get married to another quite different lady. She hurried home, intending to leave him for ever. She had packed her things for flight, and was about to (juit the house when she was intercepted by a policeman who rudely said, " No you don't." She rememhe^ed that she had heard a pistol shot soon after she entered the house. On the evidence of the jilted apprentice boy, she was accused of the murder of Jmi Jones, her first husband, who lay slain with her own ivory handled pistol reeking on the floor beside him, CiiAi'i Kn III. — Abnormal Skull made by the Normal School. But the apprentice boy, being confined in prison as a witness, was precluded from further attendance at the Normal School, and his head got into a healthy conditicm. He confessed it was he who had shot Jim Jones. He mixed a wash for Flora which got rid of the sole evidence of her former marriage, the tatooed bracelet, and told her all about her uncle, who at once owned the corn, and gave up Mora's fortune. The gentleman she had seen married was her husband's own twin brother just returned from Euro])e with all sorts of bijantf.ni for Flora. The apprentice married Flora. 2: - SHAPTER'S WINTER FLUID, PREPARED ONLY BY SHAPTER & JEKFRKV. COR. VOXCE & CAKI.TON STREETS, TORONTO. EST. y ;ly Flora she had nes of a had just ricd J. J. jelas and hole con- he heard ped with thought Flora's y poison- from his T in To- itice boy told her forbade One day the rich her and ; Street, a church watched id home, hings for epted by emhc-ed le house, 'cused of with her . witness, tool, and t was he fhich got bracelet, he corn, married Euro])e ;d ]'~lora. yby' KOMO. Z(n o\ o > O ;A W a d St e Q 5 Q > 1— 1 p 7.' h~] r/j 1 N« 0«s IF YOU WOULD BE STRONG AND WIRY, HEALTHY AND HAPPY, FULL OF life and energy, use Dr. Carson's Stomach Bitters, the greatest of all stomach tonics, the purest, safest and best of blood purifiers. The price places it within the reach of every sufferer. Large 8 oz. bottles at 50 cts. AH Druggists sell this Medicine. Canadian ^oltttcal EecarU, 1880. 'Twu Augii* stead of June, When 1 illey, Hinancier, Brought down (ana none too soon) Returns of the tMjl year; tn which ha had to show A rather big delicit ; 1 uc Liiiis had chance to blow And, faith, they; didut Btesiti AUGUST : Keturns Buought Down. Scrip's irritable horoscope. The man who is born in this month will be born quite young. He will not bring much into the world with him, and will take very little out when he goes. He will not live in high places — unless he be a carpenter by trade ; but if he is it will very likely lead him to the scaffold. He will make a speech on the scaffold in which he will make it " plane" to everybody, that if he had " saw " the effects which follow as a " rule " to those who do not act on the " square," he could not have " screwed " his courage up to the proper " point " to " compass " the work. " Awl " he wanted was to " axe " the people's pardon for his ill deeds, and claimed that the looks of his fellow workmen present " auguted " well for their future behavior. However, as he has been in the habit of " chiseling " them, they vyrill not be apt to •' nail " his last words upon the foot of their beds, but will rather " score " them out. The woman who is born this month will begin life very early. She will be a woman of large un- derstanding — wearing number sixes ;and will crush everything that happens to get in her way. Her attention wi'l be principally directed to suffering humanity, but to its augmentation, rather than to its relief. Her voice will be heard in the land, — in Womans Rights conventions, and as the whang- doodle raourneth for its young, so will she mourn over the down-trodden state of her sisterhood. Her arguments will be weighty, especially when they take the form of a broomstick, wielded with both hands ; as they sometimes will when directed to her husband or children. She will attend all meetings and conventions for the elevation of women kind, to the utter neglect of her household duties, and will be declaiming loudest against the in- iquities of man when her children are crying of neglect. At length she will die, and the world will give a great sigh of relief and go on. ROBINSON'S ROSE AMELIORINE HAS NO Equal in the Market for Chapped Hands ftc. W. S. Robinion, 35 Yonge St., Yorkville. > > H O 55 o o > W O tw "^^ n w 5 w o u 5 tn C fcf W M I— I o w ^ ^ o 2hj W 39 "J PELEE ISLAND WINES LEAD THE CANADIAN DOMESTIC WINE TRADE. 3£(uc al ''Sti'aice for <3ugust. Resume harvesting operations where you left off last month. Be careful in getting in your crop of thistles, to see that you only harvest the Canada variety ; the others are not worth the trouble. Now write to your city cousin 5 to come out and share the hospital- ities of a shake-down. When they come, take them frequently to the swamp on black-fly excursions. There is no better way of en- suring them a lively time. Talking of flies, look out now for the gad fly on your sheep. The best method of getting rid of this pest is to remove the fleece from your sheep ; the fly will get disgusted aud leave for parts unknown. Now take your wool to market, it will always find a ready sale amongst the politicians, who use it on the eyes of their constituents. If you approve of the young feller who is coming to set: Marthy Ann, get the front gate comfortably cushioned, if not get your right boot copper-toed. To do the latter effectively let your daughter have control of your purse. But don't forget to subscribe for Grip. CosmoiJoh'tan Ssssag. IV. HEK'MANY. Germany, ober vc call him alvays Fodderland — dot vos der finest gountry of der vorldt alreaty. Der moundains is yust slijilendid, too beautiful for somedings ; der rifers vos der same like dot. Ox- pecially der Rhine. Oof you don'd haf sawn der Rhine, mine friendt, you must righd away go vest und vipe off your chin down, und don't pertend vot you haf some education finished, und haven't sawn der German Rhine, by gimminy. Of course dot don't vas der Rhine vine vot I shpoke aboud, ober dot vos bully too. Der peoples of Germany drink lager more as Rhine vine, und dot lager vos goot, you bet, 1 told vou. Don'd vos made oud mit soapsuts und gow- hide boots, like dey make him in dis goundry. Nein ! It make me feel sick by my stomjach ven I drink dot lagar. I don'd can efer took more as i\\e schooners. Also der mecrsham pipe, he vos von Germany alreaty. Der German don'd make drunk and gick up a row like der oder fellers — Irishers by oxample. He makes himsaulf enchoy midt pipe, und lagar, und pretzels, und read der newspaper. All of dem knows boud Bismark, und he vos der greatest man in der vorldt, und can make Germany unification, und don'd you re- member it. Vaul, I don' like it dot I blow mysault mit my trumpet up, obur der German vos der most gentleman of dem all. Una look of der scholars und schools and big army, und music und all like dot vay. I am von German oud mysaulf, und I am glad aboud dot too, I told you. AYALA & GO'S. CHAMPAGNES. A. MATIGNON & CD'S BRANDIES. !^ ^ 7: ES P TRADE. last month, lat you only the trouble. the hospital- requently to ;r way of en- now for the I of this pest ;et disgusted o market, it lo use it on young feller comfortably To do the your purse. Fodderland rldt alreaty. beautiful for e dot. Ox- af sawn der way go vest pertend vot aven't sawn course dot aboud, ober many drink T yos goot, :s und gow- 't make me d can efer he vos von I gick up a es himsaulf newspaper. 2st man in n'd you re- 1* mit my )f dem all. Lind music , und I am t1 > Drawn for Grip's Almatiac by y. A. Fra>t*r. 8th Month. AUGUST. CONDENSED ENCVCLCPiEDIA.— August leceived its name from the celebrated Roman Consul, O. Augustus C/Esar, (His first name, we opine, was Oliver) — thatgentleman having this month entered upon his hrst consulate The Muskoka settlers hold this month sacre i to black flies and mosquitoes. Regular number of Bystander appears without its usual biliousness, 1889. Little Red Riding Hood encounters a wolf and devours it, 1503. Canndian Graduate appointed Professor in Toronto University, 2240. Lager beer declared unintoxicating by the Police Magistrate of St John, N. B. Izaac Walton born 1593. Originator of Jjr the morning "cry Free-o h fish, allahoe." m Man fined $2 or 20 days for being drunk on lager, at Toronto. Ed. Hanlan comes out of his shell at Toronto Island, 1853. Sir Walter Scott, alias Anderson, Wizard of the north, born 1771. Robin Hood, father of Red Riding Hood, died, 1400. River St. Lawrence discovered clear of ice at Montreal, 1535. Mrs. Langtry discovered by Labouchere. jm^ Regular inauguration of the silly season Oy JK at London. 31 Days, The WBATHEB Gbnts. If you go to a pic-nir old man. Just take my advice if you can, Don't you carry a thingf But hunt for a spring With Nelly, or Lilly, or Fan. Ladibs. Hang your hammock up upon a tree, And don't let the gentlemen see Any more of that foot In tt'i dainty kid boot, I'ti diitracting to fellows like me. e Thb Most Artistic, Txuthpul, Bbst & Chbapbst sx8 KING. PHOTOGltArHBK, : BRUCE, "'S, The Boycott. PROBABLY BY THB AUTHOR OP " THE O DOWft" ACT I. Meelinz of Land League— Enfir tenants with shillelaght, rifles, /»*##. Enter Land League Orator. Orator, The tyrant. Boycott, wants his rent from you. In him your pikes might make a rent or two! If through his brain your bullets find their way, They do no wrong, and are but lead astray ! To cut him up will be, with such a man, To ma'.. ' him show some bowels, the sole plan ; But better still — an outlaw make the wretcn, For whom not one shall carry or shall fetch, Shall work his farm or drive his cows to water. Or dress the back hair of his lovely daughter ; Swear that you will not his potatoes dig ! Temakts, We swear it ! Orator, Or tend for him horse, sheep, or cow or pig ! Tenants, Diwil fear it ! Not a sthroke v.-ill we work for him, lift spade and fork, While trim green banner is proudly unfurled ; In slaeping or waking, in each step your takmg. Bad luck to you. Boycott, you thafe of the world ! So call the Colleen Bawn, And let the Poteen be drawn. ISxeuut]' ^ Boycott, ACT 11. The Boycott Farm. Enter Sguire Boycott, I've thought of such a capital dodge : As they won't dig my potaties, I'll send for help to an Orange Lodge, And get them to do it gratis. They'll do my work at their own expense. They'll tend my farm and dairy, And to protect these worthy gents, I'll send for the military. ISendtA Enter GnAtiV Taujandrvm <^ Orange Order, in full regalia— also Orangemen in orange- lilies and regalia. With them enter also the Military, Hortl, Foot and Artillery- Commander in full uniform. Com. in Chirp, Cavalry ! to the front, and drive these cows I Artillery I the sleeping pigs arouse ! Dig those potatoe-drills, bold fusiieerst Do the o'-' Oman's chores, ye Granny -dears. Yon meauows are in need of hay carts, drat them ; Yon turnips must be duj — up guards, and at them ! Enter choms of pretty peasant-girls, derisively to potatoe-field. They smile on the Commind4r-in-Chief, M point Chorus op Peasant Girls to Com. in Chirp, Och, Sargeant, darlmt, them hills is small, Com. in Chibp, My dearest Call lae not girls, my rank do not miscall, Sargeant," I am commander-in-chief; Chorus, Commander-in-chief, we say with grief. Boycott is a black hearted thief. If here you stop sure not a drop or bite he'll giv* for your relief. ASK FOR THE FLEXBLE HIP OOESET, MANUFACTURED BY TttF. CROMPTON CORSET CO. H % §I>S 42 1x8 KING ST.. WEST. LondAta^ue C OP Kt( Wl|/-v gSH CA YOU DESERVE TO BE SICK AND MISERABLE IF AFTER HEARINGOF THE wonderful health-givinK power of Dr. Carson's Stomach Bitters, you still refuse to try them. A nmple trial of this worthy medicine means a cure for all affections of the Stomach, Bowels, Liyer and Kidueys. Price, 50 cents in large 8 oz. bottles. gTanatfan jgolftfcal 3eiecorl>,1880 Tbls month, a contest tight. For the West Toronto stakes Came off 'twUt pet of ^Uce't)! Betty— true to his name— Did beat, tw tactics deft, Rjran ler-ond, rather lame. And Wtiqht. qnecr fact. September : West Toronto Election. Grip's iSeUable Jgoroscope. The man bom in this month will be of an enquiring turn of mind, as will the woman below. This will lead him early to the study of human nature, and will result in his being a leader among his fellow men. Ue will ultimately develope [4 into a sixth ward politician, and as such will be of great use if — to candidates ; his usefulness being most noticeable in lobbying at ward conventions. As a lobbyist he will be of great bene- fit to his fellow electors, — in supplying them with whiskey, telling them how to vote, and doing all the dirty work for his particular can- didate. He will then come in for a share of the spoils, and will fat- ten upon the credulity of others. It is true that among a large class he will be looked upon as a low, scheming, designing villain, but then he will have the honor of being a bar-room authority and loafer, and may possibly be elected magistrate. If elected to this office, his decisions will be delivered impartially — in fa or of the man who gives him the most monej . As intimated above, the woman who is born in this month will also be of an enquiring turn of mind, and as such will make it her business to inquire into the private affairs of all her neighbors. Her friends will respect her highly, — at a distance; her callers will be regaled with all the gossip of the town, or community ; she will be shunned by all right think- ing people, and her departure will be hailed with delight. Unlike wine she will not improve with age, but the older she gets the mor e of a busy-body will she become, until she will be looked on as a '"T'se upon society. Her husband will be totally unable to restrain thi evil propensity, and will consequently spend his time away from hom*, an^^l fall into bad habits. She will then make the neigh- borliood ring w".ih her complaints, and wonder why her husband cannot be as oth r men. The neighbors will appreciate her grievences ^(. their just vaaic ; and will pity the husband and condemn the wife. SHAPTER'S WINTER FLUID, PREPARED « r ^- Teffrev, Cor. VonireSc Carlelon Streets, Toronto. IE YOU DON'T WANT TO SHAKE TAKE TUBNER'S TONIC BIITERS. Price 50 Cents per Bottle. For Sale by all Druggisis and leading Grocers. h4- ft s i&ural 'antJttt for September. Now sow fall wheat, and see that the hired man takes his meals regularly. Timothy is the best sort of a fellow to sow the wheat with. Harvest your corn and feed it to your market cattle ; this is the best method of making corn beef. Feed it in the ear if they won't eat it in the regular way ; the stalk may also be fed to the stock. Take a skirmish through your orchard and pick up fallen, worm-eaten apples to donate to the poor. Take in all the exhibi- tions, and spend most of your time there in learning the ins and outs of steam engines, you will find this of great practical use on the farm. This is a good month for making butter ; put plenty of good milk into your butter, you can put the gilt edge on with a brush. Now is the time for sowing your crop of politics. The best soil for this crop is the village bar-room. Don't grudge any time ^•id trouble it may cost, remember that the welfare of the country demands a certain amount of talk from every citizen. Subscribe for Grip. Costnopolttan (Bssag. No. V. — AMERICA. n td H O GO < Wall — yes stranger ! I cal'late you air right. We air a great nation — you bet ! an' air a proud people, too. (Take a chaw ? Don't use it ? Du tell ! ') Not with the same pride you'll find in those hot-beds of corruption and rot- tenness, the aristocracies of Yurrup. No — sir — ree. A pride which grows out of our enterprise, our inventive genius, our national honesty, integrity, and uprightness. We air a thoroughly de)n-o C CROMPTON'8 CORSETS ARE THE MOST POPULAR AND BEST IN THE WORLD. 44 > o S CD M 00 > xjs- CO CD^- CD a CD DQ O.P JO o H O t CO erf C,2 O \ IS, his meals he wheat J this is ar if they ;d to the ip fallen, e exhibi- ins and use on plenty of n with a The best my time country- cribe for We air a •• (Take he same (i/id rot- •ree. A iventive ghtness. :s! No rty — no le hum- is born air the at the tif cul- , of that I rupean repeat it was e Stars to-day, : have world is wcl- as a J land O CONDENSED ENCYCLOPEDIA —The name September is derived from the Latin word Septem, which means sezien. Tlic Latiners so named this month because they thought it was tne seventh in the year, which they counted from Marcli. But be not severe upon them, reader ; they hadn't Gkip's Almanac to guide them, as you have. Th I Fr 2 Sa '\ S> 4 M S 'I'u 6 W 7 Th 8 Fr 9 Sa W s II M 12 Tu 13 W 14 Th I"? Fr i6 Sa 17 & i8 H 19 lu 20 VV 21 Th 22 Fr 23 Sa 24 S> 2.S M 26 Tu 27 W 28 Tb 29 Fr 3° by Opening of the Fall season at the Dry Goods shops Great bargains, of course. Agitation for a new seal skin sacque and '■ ticket for rink, began by Mrs. Jones. Cardinal Richelieu born 1585. Murdered various tragedians on divers occasions. Pilgrim Fathers leave England per steamer Mayflower to settle in Manitoba, 1620. Sebastapool taken by the British troops under Col. Slattery of the loth Royals, 1855.! Gambetta sentenced for libelling McMahon ; 1877, by calling him a Frenchman from Cork. Charles Jas. Fox, died 1806. The model upon which Rymal formed his parliamentary style, j Piper ordered to remove his Zoo. Says he can't, as the odor is too heavy. Eastern question settled. Toronto shall have a park on the banks of the Don. New Mail ofifice opened with imposing stone^ and similar ceremonies. Wet day. Young street car not over crowded on up-hill trip. Grip office beseiged by all classes of people gg anxious to have their names entered on subscription book. "^ Look OCT TBIS MONTH FOh WEATHER OF KIND Which IN THE EARLY FALL TOTJ S0METIME3 FIND. Gents. If you haven't a shot-gun, my friend, I have an old " iron " I'll lend ; Rut it kicks like a beast, And you'll soon be deceased If the barrel (toes off— the wrong end. Ladies. Now come to Toronto, my dear, For the great exhibition is here ; You will have so much fun That you'll never get done If you stay for six months or a year. \ H. STONE, S Faneral Director. one Coi municatioM. 239 YONGE ST. (Concluded from page 42.) Com. in Chief, How say you ? Will he not :>et up the drinkf T Chorus, To make your honors pay for them, he thinki. Enter Boycott, Boycott, You drop in just in time, good friends of miM^ Com-' IN Chief, To take a drop in now we much incline ; Gband Panjan, Our Orange lillies for grog-blossoms plead, And want refreshment very much indeed. Boycott, Which you shall have at reasonable rates, Nothing for nothing goes on thesis estates. ACT III. Land League Meeting Hall. Mr, Paniell discovered asleep oh a sofa, Parnsli., As I lay half dreaming, with thinkinj; and scheming. There entered a lady surpassingly fair ; Sure she must be a goddess, for divil a boddice Or dress had she on but her own golden hair. " I'm Erin's good janius," says she, "Mr. Pamell, So you'd best mind your manners, me broth of a boy, I'm expecting some company irora churchyard or charnel. Your betters, — a lesson who'll teach you with joy. Enter G/iosts of Grattan, Emmett aud O'ConnelL ... .. ■■ -^ Ghost of Grattan, I wafted dead Ireland from her trance of years. To live for freedom aud the volunteers ; I taugnt the lestion Washington had lent. What dost thou teach her— »o/ to pay tht rent, % Ghost op Emmett, I said '* Let none write epitaph for me, Tijl better times an<.< braver men shall be." With not a dawn ol hope the long years ran. Is this the time, bethink thee, t/u>u the man. Ghost OF O'Connbll, Emancipating, not in word but deed. My voice prevailed in Senate and at shrine, Nor ever was it lifted but to plead For truth, peace, justice, mercy —what of thint^ Genius of Erin, From noxious agitation pray refrain, ( To Tenants) From shooting tvithout license, too, abstain ; , All shall go well beneath our country's pennant, No tenant lefty except the Lord Lieutenant, No landlords shall ask rents or even <-\pect em, All sho'l have troops and Orangemen 10 protect 'em. Whose boaid shall yield them profits most outrageous, And i;ive their daughters chances advantageous ! (All applaud. General joy and green fire.) Curtain. "Az-iS'i/Z/ingambition"— To wish for a mausoleum when dead. When a privateenman is lest at iea, his wile retires to hercham ber r.rd sheds a pri^ate tear ever the ccrurrence. Ask for R. Tumbull's noii-shrinkable Shetland Underclothing '^'^ "0 <>''>««•• L»«lie»' and Childien's Combitaticj; Suits, a Special ty. A H CI iO offiH r t— 1 5 I o l-H go P i •r' \ xll o d o c A \A M O •A O o CO H PS O O a. u !/) 'A H O H 'A O s III f^ > h z 'IO i-»!.,.^ EST. .» >Tj Wl w ixlg '^-;^!!.^SE^'^^^'^i°.*^ ^^ ™.^ ^^^ST LAW OF NATURE." and thi. fint law can be carried out to the letter u far as preiervation from sickneu is concerned by pnnfying the blood, cleansing and stimubUng the Liver, Kidneys, Stomach and UowtU, with Dr. Carson s Stomach Bitters. Dyspeptics try it. 50c. per bottle. / CnnaUtan Polittral afttcotlj.lSSO Their Jolly hoNday, | In L ondon | being spent— (For which the people 'mUiaut Ibe i least .*! GO •< ^^ o w •5 o pe n a > M O a > » 5z5 d w n •< o c M ft Pa ^? I g § < w S ! O "5 1 ^ 1/3 O .: 3 1 r 1 ^ The superority of October Urew. ings of TH08. DAVIE8 & CO., are celebrated through- out the whole Do* S&ural SUbicc for <2^ctabet. Now take in your buck wheat cakes, take 'em in hot, with but- ter and molasses. Corn husking is also now in order. This is a delightful aesthetic job, if judiciously mixed with kiss-in-the-ring. Mix it with a spoon. Make a bee of it, it's a genuine honey-bee. Get in your crop of potatoes, and let your remarks about the ravages of the bugs be drawn as mildly as may be consistent with the ade- quate expression of your feelings. Also gather in your apples, and strike a death blow at the liqour traffic by drinking cider exclusively, with a stick in it. Now attend to your fall ploughing. All partic- ulars on this subject can be learned from SherifT McKellar, Hamil- ton. Pay particular attention to your fattening cattle. Keep them at it. Make 'em eat right along. Don't be coaxed to sell your grain. The war in Peru is about to begin. And now subscribe for Grip. (EDosmopoIttan Essaj* THE MENNONITE. For vy I did gomed over bis dot meserable goundry of Ganada, "Ich nix vor sthay." I leef mine vaderland una mine frow, und I sailed in dot gread big shep more as dree dousand miles avay, und ven I gets me oud un dot blace vat you gall Mondreal, I says do mineself, Hans Von Strochmsvorth, you are von fool. Ouver ven I gets ^N bis Manitoba, und buys mine varm, und builds dot leetle J;* house, und mine Katirena gomes mit der childer ; den I say Uan Von Strochinvorth doss is goot. Yaw, but der hopper- grasses gome und dey ead me ebery dings oud, und 1 say Katirena Ich nix gome lor go sphend mine sphelter in dis vay, und I say home I shall go. Bud I not did go, ouver doss hoppergrasses did. Zo I blough my grount, und blant my veat, und mine grops been no dot good vat 1 jikes. Ouver I no mind dot, bud I works me like shiminy, und I no stharve. Un I vorks dwo, dree years und times get mit me bedder. Den gomes a man und says, Hans Von Strochinsvorth dere vill pe builded von pig railroad heres. Und I say Zo ? Und he say, yaw, dot is zo. Und den I laugh mit mine- self, und go home und tell Katirena, und Katirena she laugh mit herself. Und I say to mineself, Hans Von Strochinsvorth, you pin von pig vise man. Und dey build dot railroad about zwi mile from mine varm, und dot make me laugh mit mineself some more. Und den vat you dinks, der gomes von man und he says. You must avay go oud of dis. Und I say, Zo ? Und he say, yaw, dot is zo. Und he dell me dot de Syndicate could dake vatever land dey bleased. Und I had to leafe. Und py Shiminy Grites I vill right back do mine own goundry go. THE CKOMPTON CORSKT COMPANY, -TQ Tronic sTxtxaaiT, touoitto. w Draivujor Grip's Almanac by Robi, McCauilaud, loth Month, OCTOBER, 31 Days. CONDKNSED ENCYCLOPAEDIA.— October was so called because the ancients con- sidered it the eighth month of the year, the Latin word for eight bein(j cf /o. No doubt they enjoyed the drizaling rain, etc., just as well as if they had known it was the tenth month, for as our own William says, " October, by any other name, would depress as well." Sa M Tu W Th Fr .Sa M Tu W Th Fr Sa & M Tu W Th Fr Sa M Tu \V Th Fr Sa Si M I 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 lo II 12 »3 I? 16 17 IS 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Sir E, Landseer died, 1873. Popular in swell society for his painting of puppies. Cottage by the Sea sold for taxes all on ac- count of the N. P. Sir A. T. Gait strayed or stolen from his plac of business in London. Baby born to Queen of Spain. It is a girl. Public indignation meeting threatened. Hanlan discovers the London fog and sends home a specimen by parcel post, Mrs. Scott-Siddens produces Romeo and yuliet with Romeo and yidiet left out. Apology to Aid. Baxter by the Globe. Great demand for spectacles by readers. Presentation of dinner service to W. Mc- d 3ugall, by Xib. Cons. Dishes, Chinaware. address, irony. Civic celebration in Boston in honor of pork and beans, Culchan and Emerson, i88o. Hallowe'en. Active demand for haggis and kale brose. Excitement amongst cabbage heads. Sara Bernhardt arrived in New York. Instan. taneous out burst of thin wit in newspapers- Gknts. The mosquito lies dead on the strand. And the bull-frogs have fled from the land, But that fiend of a buy Remains to employ His skill, with horse-chestnuts in hand. Ladies. On Hallow'een night, pretty maid, Don't he in the least bit .ifraid. • Eat a whole goose that night, And before morning light You will see your true love, so 'tis said. tn ^ H. STONE, Teie^.'SSS&ti.n. ?39 YONGE ST- WHAT IS THE BEST RESOLUTION A MAN CAN MAKE FOR THE NEW YEAR? BBPL1B8 TO THIS QUEBT WBITTEN EXPBES8LT FOB GBIP'b ALMANAC BT THE LEADIN NEWSPAPER HUUOBISTS. Geo. Riley, jr., Owego, N. V., Record. It is just as impoMible for me to propose a resolution as it is to keep one ; and twice as per- plexing to decide on the best resolulioii a man could make, ;niiil I get my eye on the man. But the young man with aspirations above the average, whci" ambilion soars to the pulpit, we would advise to Resohe : That lie never tackles theology Mil he tries his virtues of endurance with a pair of corduroy pants. Thos. B. Chrystal, Hackensack. N. J. Republican. To solemnly resolve that he *ill have nothing whatever to do with it ; and if the New Year wants any resolutions, it must manufacture them Uself. There has been too much pandering to a depraved taste, and it is high time these objects of charity be summarily dealt with. Cbas. F. Adams, (Yawcob Strauss,) Boston Journal of Commerce. Schpend someding less as vot you earns ; Pay all der notes when dey coines due ; Don'd you forgot one half you learns, Nor bite off dwice vot you can diew. Luther G. Riggs, Meriden, Cop.n.., R':c?>-;ier, Resolved. This New Year's '8i , I'll close the months as first begun ! First I'll not — or hardly ever * chew Tobacco vile — darned if I do ! _ Nor pipe will smoke, nor e'en cigar. Though, if you treat — well, I don't care If just this once some whins I take. Wine I'll refuse- cep for stomach's aike I'll keep good hours— go home at ten, ' And I'll tell my wife where I have bten — Except on club nights, or otiier meetings When jovial friends preS't with cordial greetings. Flirting is wrong— that I'll eschew — Unless she's pretty and she flirts too ; — Fibbing is naughty— henceforth the truth I'll always speak, as erst from youth, — I'll not dissemble— guile I despise. And ne'er prevaricate — nor wink at lies f ; And manly virtues shall in me shine As gilded dome at day's decline ; I'll scile the height of manhood's mount, A model I'll mould for youth and age. And this record write, "Behold a sage I" • • • • Alviayt Provided—" This Time Don't Count." * I will never, no never this expression use again I Well, at least I think 1 shall refrain. t Meaning 'Lizr (Eliza). A. C. Kessinger, Rome, N. Y. Sentinel. Having gone down deep into my inner consciousness and consulted all zn better feelings, I have unanimously Resolved. That the ne plus ultra of resolutions for a man to make for the New Tear is to irrevocably determine to send 92.00 in advance for the Sentinel. If this is an impositien on your good nature I am sorry, but I can't help it. Every man must meet this question squarely as he finds it. I am confi- dent such a resolution would lead to unspeakable good. In fact I know it would. A. Miner Griswold, (Fat Contributor) Cincinnati Saturday Night. Besolve himself into due, and then pay what is due, so as to start even. Ladies' and Gents' Hats Made into Fashionable Shape, BY A. S. SMITH, 67 YONGE St., TORONTO. H \> ff w I KQ Ml :i^j 50. OS tn CO W. A. LOGKEABT, Auotioneer and Oommission Agent. STOCK, BOND, AND REAL ESTATE BROKER. PBiyCE WILLIAM 8TBEET, ST. JOHX. W. B. Canatifan political lEtrcorD, 1880. SlrChas. Tup- per, Kniglit. Wai taken with ■ frenzy. To drag fortb to the light, Some scan- da l H l-H GO i O o Drawn for Grip's Almanac by F, JoPpling. iith Month NOVEMBER. 30 Days. CONDENSED ENCYCLOPEDIA. —November is the name the unenlightened Romans gave to this month, under the impression that it was the ninth, — the word navem signifying nine. Happy thought ! Why not name our l)a«e-ball chib the November? But, unhappy thought They havn't sense enough to play ball in nice, cool weather but prefer Augdst heat. Tu I W 2 Th 1 Fr 4 Sa S s 6 M 7 Tu 8 W 9 Th 10 Fr II Sa 12 iS 13 M 14 Tu IS W 16 Th 17 Fr 18 Sa 19 S> 20 M 21 Tu 22 W 2.1 Th 24 Fr 25 Sa 26 S> 27 M 28 Tu 29 W 30 19 Garfield elected Pres. of the U. S., 1880. Reward of virtue in a canal boy. Thanksgiving Day. Democrats in Can ada stay away from church. Gunpowder Plot. Attempt of Guy Fox to in- duce Parliament to "rise," 1605. Sir C. Tupper explores Manitoba. Finds -A it warm in the vicinity of Section B. ^L| Continued agitation of Mrs. Jones for a "^* seal skin sacque. Jones deaf as a stone wjU. Hash invented at Chicago, 1870. Patent re- fused by Government. Cock Robin brutally murdered byun- ^^ known party or parties, 1263. ^K Bluebeard, original prophet of Mormon- ism married 1840. Arch. Forbes travels over the American contin- ent on his high horse, 1880. Sausage machines working overtime owing to N. P. Uneasiness of tabby cats. Rev. Mr. Darling converted to Low Chufch Christianity and church service, 1895. Milkmen discontinue feeding their cows .;L«^ on swill, and serve their customers with jSjI unwatered milk, 2540. •Li' Fbepabe FOB BLZAR, DULL DATS AMD OHILLT NIOHTS, WmoH OTJOHT TO BB ABotnn> JXJBT ROW, BT BIOHTS. Grnti. On Thanksgiving day don't forget, If you're unengaged sir, as yet, Giv- thanks that leap year Is gone, and vou fear No widow, or feminine pet. Ladies. Now, the sweet dancing parttM begin, And remember, we doivt care a pin, I f you'r dresMd like a qtncn Yet tufficientlv j{i««n To consider that dancing's a tin. Hi uTONlj Telephone Commanioatiou. LUQf YUNut ul. y^ (Continued from page 50.) A. F. Stevenson, Aurora Borealit. The pavements of Hell are composed Of many a ^ood resolution ; By resolving, m former New Years, I liave strengthened that pave 01 Pollution ; And so often have my good resolves Fulfilment, of any sort, lacked, Tha» I'll leave the repairs for the year To the fellow who's got the contract. J. K. Comeron, Hamilton Spectator. That dp^nds. If he be a merchant, let hiin resolve to do a cash business. If a scissor wlitor, to do a credit lusiness. If he writes a Irtter, to date it 1881. If a siucrle ;ofl a — to marry. If a siagler man — toniairy twice. If a good man (and an admirer of Hanlan) — to be a better. If an intemperate bully — to take water. If, unhapj)ily, a bad judge of music — to have a happy new 'ear. If a punster — to die. If a man deserving of the name — to subscribe for Obif. H. Perry S-nith, Syracuse, N. V.. Times. < He should resolve to learn to swim, at the first opportunity. No, no ; not " swim at the first opportunity," but learn at the first opportunity. Th chances of uupleasantuoss to a man who can't swim on account of lying in the water from one to fifteen days, seem to be increasing every year. The benefits of being able to swim are inuumerallo. Take a man who is suddenly called to Europe for instance ; the stoker takes a drink and sets fire to the steamer. The chances are that every mother's Hon and daughter of the passengers who cannot swim is drowned. But, behold ! The man who has carried out this New Year's resolution, spreads, not his sails, but his soles, o^cns his palms and calmly swims a thousand or fifteen hundred miles to whatever port he desires. There's nothing like it. Besides that, he avoids what must be a very uncom- fortable positiou at the bottom of the ocean. Th.3se scientific gentlemen say that when a man is down in the water four or five miles, there are ever so many hundred pounds pressure on him, per square inch of cuticle. Now, in time, that must prow heartily disagreeable, and, moreover, there is little doubt that a man would look at least as well, after swimming his thousand miles to shore as he would when coming up from the bottom of the ocean, six or eight months after he was wrecked. Toung man, learn to swim. E. N. Lamont, N. Y., Commercial AdvertLi«r« To mingle more kisses with bread and cheese. Geo. H. Hubert, Waterloo, N. Y„ Observer. The best resolution a man can make for the New Tear, particularly if he has any difficulty in forming a resolution, is, that the New Year shall show the reBolation in him. W. J. Lampton, Strubenville, O.. Herald, Well, really I can't say definitely and in advance, for I know so many men who have made so many resolutions and forever bankrupted every one of them, that it would be difficult to suggest anything warranted to be preserved in this climate for a longer period than twenty-four hours. I think, howevnr, and therefore, that the best resolution a man conid make at this uncertain season would be to lesolTe not to make any, but having settled in his mind finally, and definitively whidh of hia smaller vices he could best let rust from disuse, he ■hoold then go quietly and firmly in the dead hour of the night and break into hii neighbor's meat-house and steal enough, at a fair valutaion, to secure him- self a Tear's incarceration in the penitentiary, beginning January 1st. Once there he wouldbe solid for 866 days. It would end positively, until another New Year's day, all his sociable drinks with his friends; all his insane shouts SHAPTER'S WINTER FLUID, PREPARED Only by Shaplar A JtAey, Cor. Yongeft Carleton Streeto, ToRmta 54 V ja: ^ H ^ W M W CO o Of) H 10 The Ral Syndic And «11 term ini The Mil of Stal No lo chose to PKsi tEPARED \ ; in Z o Ss 4 M 5 '1^1 6 W 7 Th 8 Fr 9 Sa lo Si II v( 12 I'u »3 W H Th IS Fr 16 Sa 17 S> i8 i\f 19 Tu 20 W 21 Th 22 Fr 23 Sa 24 S> 2C M 26 Tu 27 W 28 Th 29 IT 30 Sa 31 Marked scarcity of mosquitoes and hot waves in Manitoba, 1880. John Brown's body hung 1859. His soul goes marching on, 1880. Continued agitation by Mrs. Jones of the seal skin sacque question. Mr, J. obdurate. Dr. Johnson died 1784. Frop'r- of -!5@a, Boswell and reputed editor of ' Varsity. ^^' Beethoven born, 1770. Proprietor of a popular Boston quartette club of fiddlers. Paris journalist sent to 'he galleys for saying his soul was his own. Vive La Republiqtte. Royal Academy, England, founded 1768. Put in the shade by Canadian P A., 1880. Opening of Granite Rink, C-urch St. An ice time enjoyed. General hanging up of stockings in civili- zed nurseries. Nihilists transported to Siberia for makirg Czar-castic remari.s, 1880. Christmas Day. Grits and Tories unitedly subscribe for Grip. Entrance to Government Depts. through Ottawa Citizen office established 1879. This MONTH THE ! WIC^TIIER, WE HAVE CAr.SK TO FK.vn, SSL. Wilt, BE TiFE LAST TOU LL TALK ABOUT THIS VEAH. Gent.s. And you sir, 1 see your proud sneer, I note your most talented leer, IJut the dopgerel bard Says "Kully, old pard, Here's toward your health, sir, in beer.' Ladies, You are sick of my nonsense, my dear. For my ryhming is wretched, I fear. But I'll say ere we part Bye-bj|e my sweet-heart Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 'HWll 57 I. : ?i of " set 'em up again; all down, but what's in the bottle"; all his tobacco smoking in the best parlor ; all his nasty chewing and spitting on the nice clean fire place his wife had put a Sunday shine on ; all his direlictions of duty in forgetting to leave orders with the butcher and baker ; all his charming little husbandly eccentricities in letting his wife cut the kindling wood, carry the; water, take care of the baby, and build the f'res of cold mornings; all his stay- ing out late at nights and coming in at 3 a. m., smelling like a last year beer keg ; all his vain efforts to turn on a fire alarm from a letter box at midnight ; all his business meetings (/*) down town while his wife staid at home alone ; all his damning the luck because he had lost a week's salary on a poker game ; all his telling a man to call around next week for his the " amount of that bill " ; all his broken promises about going to church twice every Sunday ; all his billiard playing for the drinks : all his smiling at the pretty hired girl ; and all his — all his — all his — well, all his everything, but serving the State. Yes taking one thing with another, and taking it straight, I believe a man's best resolution would be tOit^olvfl to make none, but go to the penitentiary, instead, where somebody else would make his resolutions tor him, frame them in a nice frame in the front offlce under the hb0.d of " Prison Begulations " and see that they were kept in some sort of repair lor the term specified in his sentenc». There would be plenty of time left after he got out, to smash them all up again worse than Moses did the tables of stone, and his year of grace need only be laid away as an unp leasant memory. P. S. The above does not apply to men who are strong enough not to make resolutions, but can maintain a fair average standard of decency without any such adxentitious aids. Jos. S. Knowles, St. John News, What is the best resolution, etc. Well, I hardly know how you want the subject treated, as " swear off " is barred out. Wine not hear frow us on this im^oj'quealin' rose when somiun's little daughte* Reachin'cut to s;e the "harkfish, tumbled squa"op in the water,' But her dress and other toiULige held the air like a balloon. Till shedrif.ed twenty fathoms right astarn the " Harvest Moon." Out she drifted cool and willin', suckin' .iway at her little thumb. Till that cussed sharkfish villin s.uelt her out, and so up become, Turnin' on his back that instant, up behind the kid he swum. Bat the poor misguided infant went on a suokin' its slarbord thumb. One bii; gnash and all was ove-, kid had got no time to squeak. On the ship tiiere fell a silence, we was all too sick to speak. Then tlje sharkfish eyed the vessel, just as much as if to say, "That was a delicious infant, sling me down anuther, pr.iy. Comin' in a goodb't closer, up he looked and saw a gleam. Into him the harpoon iron, hove by Knuckles, went like steam.' Rciuid his tail a vunniii' bowlin , then and thtre we quickly slipped. And in less than forty seconds, Mr. .Shark was snugly shipped. Then he m^de a jump in tryin' for to bite the Vios'n's feet, liroke in two the file rail stanchions, and Iroke the port main top s'le sheet, I'usted "lit ten feet o' bul'nrks, carryin' oft" a fathom o' rail, ShaVin' the vessel to her kulson with the flaps of his awful tail. Down bis throot we r.imnicd a handspike, and we stabbed him with our knives. Rips and tuts and hacks we gave him, 'nough to let out twenty lives. (Continued on page 6a.) ^^j <• ST. JOHN, NEW BRUNSWICK. Market Square and Chipman's Hill. DANIEL & BOYD WHOLESALE IMPORTERS -and- M ANU FACTU RERS DRY GOO CLOTHING, &c. Established 1836. JARDINr& CO., iWHOLESALE AND RETAIL GEOCEES AND SEEDSMEN. 8s and 85 J^ Prince VVm. Street, and 28 Water Street, DIRECT IMPORTBKS OF British, West India and American Groceries and Fruits — dealers in Peruvian Guano, Superphosphate of Lime, Ground Bones, Bone Meal, Ground Plaster and other fertilisers. SHEEP DIP. OIL CAKE, &»., &c. SHIPS SUPPLIED WITH STORES IN liOND OR DUTY PAID. Seed and other Catalogues sent on application. J (Concluded from page 60.) rhen the cook he ripped him open, from his stomjack to his snout. Partly for the sake o' vengeance, partly to get the younker out. Lor', we roared in rank amazement, then in astonishment all stood dumb, Tlttrt sat the poox unthinking infant, sucking away at its starbord thumb. Didn't they shout and dance around her ? Stuck her up on the after hatch, Every skull of 'em crowdin' round her, tryin' and scrambUn' a kiss to snatch. As for the shark we hove him over, thinkin' the brute had turned up his tee's. Scarce did the varmint touch the water, but he winks at the skipper and off he goes." At this point of Bill's narration, suddent he guv a tremenjus yell. Taken polatic or somethin' that way, back'ards into the sea he felL And I'm vexed to have to tell it, this is a fact and it ain't no lies. Up come that shark and in half a minute William got scroffed right aiore our eyes. We cotched that shark a few f'ays after, this is a fact that none denied, William's bones all neatly swalljwed, calmly there in the sharkfish lied. (his —Jack X Kkdgb. mark.) PUNIGRAMS. BY PERCV n. SMIIH. A Stirring trade — bar tending. The nose is a " merre scenten." A box on the ear is a hand cuff. " Notes of hand," — those on a piano. Not born to blush unseen — the measles. A swell fellow — A man with the mumps. "A most imposing body" — A dead beat. Penny weighting — when a beggar holds out his hand for one. A sunburnt man is a tan-gent. This joke should be u.ken straight. Maltstersare very susceptible to the tender passion — thev fre :;uent- ly get mashed. A Muskoka matron has settled seventeen daughters. Sha must be an old settler. When an angler catches a basket full of trout he becon^ logically, a fissure vein. Barbers should make good Arctic discoverers. They frequently get near the pole. " If you continue this you will hurt my felines," as the cat said to the boys stoning her kittens. " Covers for six," as the waiter remarked who brought half a dozen gentlemen their hata When Atlas took the world on his shoulders he laid himself open to conviction under the " Blake Act " for carrying a revolver. geo- J. B. COOK. 101 <( !£• ONSE 8TREFT. Al BERT HALL. It now making woik that cannot be beaten in Canada at the prices. TABLETTS &• PANELS, - CABINETS, CARDS, from . . . - hOUR LARGE AMBROTYPES . - Sj.fO " - • • soe- •/. . . . foe. CHEAPEST PLACE IN THE CITY FOR FRAMES. RICHARDSON'S HOTEL, Cor. litiiK aiMl Brock Nts., Toronto. ETSAOCS flll..OO x»ziz& D^^^^r. This Hotel i« situated on the coit.er of one of (he finest streets hi the citv, (Hrock Ktiect is to be made Into a lovely avenue,) (.tvnounced by medicnl mrn to be the healthiest part of the citv. It is convenient to railroad 8tati«rs and steam boat landings. Two lilies of street cars pas» the do w every three minutes. It is fitted up with all modem improvements, and only the most attentive servants are kept. The b^r is well supplied with the verj: best of licjuors, and choice brands of cigam. In connectidn with this hotelj in summer there is a splendid bowling green, and cool^ summer houses. In #inter.|he green is converted into a skaiting rink. .Tele- phone communication with all part* of the city. SAMUEL RICHARDSON. Proprietor. Toronto Boiler Works- johnTerkins Boiler ITalier, Bridge IVork, Iron Olrdcra* Tanks, and l*ulp Boilers lor Paper Mills. SHEET IRON WORK IN ALL ITS BRANCHES. Front Street, East, TORONTO. rwiyi ]m4^0/^:fk^9i^ •:| )| Ifi m OUR NATIONAL GAME. From the Daily Childsplay of Oct. iSy i8go. Lacrosse, the national game of Canada, has made considerable progress within the last few years. Indeed it is hard to believe that it has not reached perfection, for we cannot imagine any finer sport that that which was displayed at the match for the champion- ship between the Ramshocks of Montreal, and the Whackers of Toronto, on the ground of the latter yesterday afternoon. Both teams were in the pink of condition, and entered the field in high confidence. The ball was facer! promptly at three o'clock, by KInockdown and Fatalblow. ^■'' First game. — After some excited play the rubber was sent down to the Ramshock's flag, where a beautiful display of scientific acrosse was exhibited by Pummell, who got m three or four masterly blows on Blagkeye's head. The ball was shortly after- wards knocked through by rjNCHHiMjtime, lo minutes; one man disabled. Second game. — Both clubs appeared to be a little more warmed up, and the second game was decidedly lively. Whallop got the ball and made a beautiful drop-shot to Fatalblow, who started on a sharp run for the Ramshock's goal, but was stopped in his wild career by la well directed blow across the mouth by Foul. This move was Ivociferously cheered by the spectators and betting became lively. lAfter a short struggle, in which some beautiful kicking and pound- I ng was shown, the Whackers again woa Time, 7 minutes. Three men disabled. Third game. — ^Thisgame was the liveliest oi all HARDHiTgot the ball and threw it to Foul who at once made a run for the Whackers' flags, and would undoubtedly have passed it through h{^d not Black- eve rushed out and felled him with a well delivered blow on the shins* Blackeve then secured the ball but had not time to throw it before he was body-checked by Gouger, who beld him by the hair and passed the ball to Hardj^it. This man was promptly knocked down b) Hammerwell who, by a fine throw, put the ball through again for the Whackers. Time, 5 minutes. Six men seriously hurt. Several of the players were more or less injured by falls on acconnt of the ground being slippery with gore in some places. Altogether it was the finest match of the season, the playing being devoid the usual roughness. P. S. — The injured players are progressing favorably at the hospital. Law Statioi OCKDOWN ; one man #./f>^^-»^ NATURE'S BEMEDT. VEGETINE, VEGETINE, VEGETINE, THE GREAT BLOOD PURIFIER. TSOTTSAITDS SFXASI Vwetine U acknowledged and recommended by Physicians and Apothecaries to be the bctt pariner and clear ser of the blood yet discovered, and thousands speak in its praise who have been restored to health. When the blood becomes lifeless and stagnant, either from change of weather or of climate, want of exercise, irregular diet, or from any other cause, the Vbgstinb will renew the Mood, carry off the putrid ■iiimors, cleanse the stomach, regulate the bowels, and impart a tone of vigor to the whole body. VEGETINE IS SOLP BY A LL DRUGGISTS. - PRIZ E DE EDS. PROVINCIAL EXHIBITION. 1880. Havtnf; been awarded the first pript^ foir our specimen of a lithographed deed, we beg tn call attention to the superior qf<«liif of our deeds and mortgages, known as the "Toronto Priaa Deods" on" v«llum paper. They are marked by superior pen- manimip, durable paper and moderate price, and are we oelieve without competition in their particular line. The trade supplied and orders solicited. Also special lithography, as coupon bonds, architects' specifications and ccntracts, bank protests, Ac, on bond and other papers to order. J. RORDANS & CO., Law Stationers and Lithographkrs. 88 KING ST. EAST, TORONTO Gas Consumers Read This : I offer to affix on your meter connec- tion one of Fisk & Woodruff's Patent Gas Saving Governors, and with the same lights guarantee to save at least 2o per cent of gas. Your saving may be 40 or so per cent. _ 6oe in use ui To- ronto, giving best satisfaction. Leave your orders with W. H. Tho- rold, only authorized agent for Toronto, a8i Yonge Street. Gas Heater Stoves. 3 sties, each " New Reflector," " Re- tort," and "New Open Fire-Place Heaters," for heating Parlors, Stores, Bedrooms, Bathrooms, Offices, Ac No. 3 " Retort" will heat a room t6 x «a Also " Retort," Aigand English Cabi- net Style, the same as. Miss Dodds used wnen lecturing here on Cookery, See them at *8t Yonge St. W. H. Tho- rold, sole sgent for 'nronto. The "Adams and Westlake" Improved Wire Oause non-explosive Oil Stoves for heat ing Stores. Parlors, Offices, Bathrooms, Conservatories, Ac. Also for cooking purposes. Awarded the highest Premium Medal for Oil Stoves at the Paris Exposition of 1878. S«« them at a8i Yonge Street. W. H. THOROLD, sole agent for Toronto. t r MJ^tMt^^ THE LAWYER AND THE BEAR. The snn was smking in the west, The flowers were closing to their rest, 1 he little birds sang forth their best, Upon the greenwood tree. The hunirr, 'neaih the cooling shad% His rifle and his game-bag laid, llis clothing all was torn and frayed, A weary man was h«. W. The well-filled eame bag athis side, With tender pigeons spreading wide, Told how his fortune did betide, And spiike a sportsman true. But little heeded he his game, His fancy took a higher aim, And venturous thou);hts his breast inflame, And fire him thro' and thro.' " Ah ! would it ^ut had l-ee n myluck," He cried, " to happen on a buck, I would his stately antlers pluck, As trophy of the rhase. ., But by my sacred life, I swear, . .' ^ 'T would please me most to meet a bear, And lorth his heart, ^et throbbing, tear -^rom out his ribs' embi ace. " Ho ! ho I What triumph then would be. To drag the monster home with me. And let mine whole acqua'ntance§ec A hunter bold am I ! " Thus mused he, and a pleasant sfnile Played o'er his bronzed face the while. At thontrhts of how, fcr envy vile, '' His friends would almoeC die. ^ But haik t what sound so rough and rode, Disturbs the quiet of the wood. Breaking up.m his gladsome mood, Dispelling all his dreams Y Quick to his teet he starts upriKht, And casts hi'i eyes to left, toriglit , And what is this that meets his sight, In Sol's expiring beams ? He sees, a few short yards away, Arr\i\' tb*- Moominc h.iwihoms rnv, Seated, as tho' he meant to stay, A bear of monstrous size. His mouth half opens, and duth show. His gleaming teeth in serried row. His tongue rolls out, and fires glow In his ferocious eyes. So stood they thus, the bear and man. It might have been a minute's span 'Till bruin, growling, dropped, and ran Towards our legal friend. The spell was broke, the hunter fled . .. With vigour lorrowed frtm his dread. Thro' slash, and swamp, and wood, he sped CI he powers his shim defend!) Never before, in any race, bid mortal man put forth such pace ; I he bear, out-distanced, sat to gaze, In blank astonishment. But human strtngth at last will break, And, coming to a little lake. Our friend a halt is forced to make. All ragged, worn and spent. Emerging from the woodland shades. He comes upon three merry maids. In bathing dress, with hair in braids. An aqueous, sportive band. ' , The ladies screamed—as ladies will, \V her canght in-such a dishabille- Till echoed each surrounding hill. That locked the lakelet's strand. Rut. when they saw the stranger gate Upon them, as in wild amaze, And then, a hand in suppliunce raise, ' They waded to ine shore. ' His story quick the hunter bold Unio the listening maif'ens told, . And sympatny full many fold. Upon him they did pour. But some misfortune just then sent- - Their "pa" upon a ramble lent. Who strolled in 'ere the tale was spent. With hardenf^d heart and cold. He listened to the hunter's woes. Said "hum "and "ha," and rubbed hit noee, And then a question did propose Unto that hunter bold. ' ' You say vou saw a bear— what fua Could you hive better, with a gun — Then why, in thunder, did you riinf Why not. dispatch him thetet" " .Sir," said the lawyer, with disdain, V Since you desiie it, I'll explain:— My bai{ was full of pineons sluin t I didn't WW** a itar!" S. IL \\Xi 66 &M!iM^!'iiii£i^^miiyiiiStiM£& mi^i^-9i^ THE NEATEST, CHEAPEST AND THE MOST USEFUL FORCE-PUMP IN THE WORLD. EVERY HOUSE JHOULD HAVE ONE. IT IS ADAPTED TO EXTINGUISH FIRES, WASH BUGGIKS, CLEAN WINDOWS, SPRINKLE LAWNS, SHOWER FRUIT TR^'^S. ETC. Trees And shrubo may be showered with a solution containing poison destroying insect pests of ol! kinds. T' merits of this FORCE-PUMP as a Fire Extinguisher are attested in the following testimunial : — Oakvillk, Oct. i6th, 1880. This is to certify that the Force-Pump manufactured by the Kxcelsior For':e-Puinp Company, Toronto, saved my Hotel from being burned down. (Signed,) E. W. MUSSON, Prop. Canadian Hotel, Oakville. We the undersigned residents of Oakville, were present at the lire referred to, and do testify to the correctness of the above statement : — G. L. Tiiard, B.irristcr, Will. C. Remain, Banister, T. J. Sutherland, M D., W. G. HKW'son, Merchant, R. M. Chisholm. Krult-rirower, Wm. Hewitt. Sh'iema' er, R. C, IJalmer, DrU'.'xi^t, J ihn M.iulton, Grain Merchant, Tho«. Patterson, Merchant, L''"^ Dnighirty, Po. Oalcville UoiLse, P. Ollphant, Royal Exchange, E. Smith. Jeweller, Peter Kellv, Klacksmith, Samuel Bell, .\uctioneer, Wm. Walsh, Hotel-keeper, N, \\. Stoiieham, Mercliant, T. O'Reilly, Parish Priest. AGENTS ^VAIVTFD. - KFX1> FOK rilCCFrAR. Address, EXCELSIOR FORCE PUMP CO., ToPon^o. •v»M In Witftn0xi%xta^ HON. GEORGE BROWN, VoTti i^ob. 29, 1818 ; Biti £B.ig 9, 1880. (from ckip.) The varying noises cease, And pitying men, jaded or jubilant before, Pall neath the common grief. The cortege passes now in princely circum- stance, 'Mid quiet thousands in the cit)r's streets, While the aspiring throb of anxious hearts, Busy and buffeted in life's rough way, Is mute in conscious widowhood. Ah ! he was noble who lay coffined there — A peer in Nature's aristocracy ; Uearing the unction of that generous grace, Which in the life wins love from toiline men, And, dying, summons them like cbildren round the tomb. So pass away, great spirit, But thy work, so well and truly done. Shall stand a witness to thy goodness and thy gifts. , On that enduring pile a superscription Written in letters that shall ever glow Majr tell the rug{;ed grak.deur of his life In simple narrative : How homespun worth and rojral honesty Braved the distempers of ambition's path, From youth of filial love and lofty thought, To sterling manhood and vice-regal place ; How on that height he bore a manly front, Lending his pen to Fret^om's sacred cause — Counselling wisely for the Nation's weal. And smiting down the ills that menaced her: Then how at eventide his light was quenched Bv base assassination, and n is star Went dowif mid clouds of pain and weariness, While in : Perish, ,theii, record on ephemeral stone,— Fade, trivial ink on human history's page, — For with the blinxl of God's annointed Son 'Mid all the names of humble, faithful o le His name is written in thr Book of Life. 68 lis footsteps mark nds of time. I for all in all," e had his faul's, — >m recreant heart, the best of lives ; burning scorn, ing true for false; ountain stieam, uch its swiftness rble monument — e to reverent eyes intil Time, eleiitlesshand iver it nildeured mou, — :ful dream, in our hearts, will pass IT guarded pear!, e true men, great and good. Shall ages come clouded o'er, ed into dust T he lives of earth, yea, and earth igness t ui's name shall ie skies hat shall never emeral stone,— istory's page,— aiinointed Son S faithful o le OK OK Life. ^ MM^^^^^^^^i^^m TEE STORY OF "GRIP." In the early part of «he year 1873 considerable amuKment was caused amongst th* deni- tens of King street by the appearance of a caricature—* cottnterfeit presentment of the ex. Pressiveform and features of a certain venerable journalist who had the harmless (though as i^ proved dangerous) habit of enjoying ot. urn cum dig in an arm-chair at hu office door, litis Picture was the work of Mr. J. W. Btngough, whohad kngiherishtd anambition to establish a ^omic paper, and the facility with which his sketch on this occasion was reproduced by the then, to him, mysterious art of lithogra phy, suggested to him a means of practically realizint; his dream. The discovery was without dtlay revealed to certain equally inictested coadju. tors, and the preliminary arrangements for Lringing forth the long-talked of paper were soon settled. Meantime the title of Cri/, which had been bestowed by Dickens on Bartiaby Rtutge't vivacious Raven had been fixed upon, and the artist had prepared a design for the /rontispiece-the same which now adorns the front page of Canada's successful humorous ■'oumaL Having made a votive offering to the diety known as the ''Generous Public." of every cent of the funds at their command, the hopeful journalists waited with highly wrought nerves for the appearance of the initial number, and on the 34th of May, 1873, they had the felicity of gazing upon it. llie initial number was far from perfect in many respects, but it was most indul- gently received by the press and public, and the publishers were encouraged to go oa The obstacle of "no funds"— usual!/ a fitctor m journalistic enter- prise—was duly surmounted, and toon the little paper was floating pleasantly and smoothly. It so happened that poliitcal circles in the Dominion were just then thoroughly agitated over revelations of Government conduct in connection with the Pacific Railway Charter, and thus a prolific theme was ready to the artist's hand. That he did nut fail to improve his opportunity is attested by the fact that in a short time Grip had secured a circulation of over two thousand. Many of the cartoons of this period, which, by the way, were printed on a separate sheet, were considered " palpable hits," and still live in the public recollection. It was not unusual for prominent memhers of the House of Commons to use them in illustrating their points in debate!> or hustings addresses, and they were commented upon by the Canadian press almost universally. It may here be ob. "erved that no humorous journal has ever sustained a prouder place in the offices of it, compeers than Grip has occupied from the commencement of its career. The Editors of the Dominion whither Li' eral or Conservative, are all its warm friends, which may be accounted for by the fact that the platform of strict political independence at first laid down has been honestly adhered to. Grip has had but three successive editors up to the present time, in its early Jays its literary columns were controlled for a short time by " Jimuel Briggs" (Mr. T. P. Thompson) whose humorous writings in the Telegraph and Mail had given him a wide reputation ; at a later stage in its career, the editorial chair was occupied by " Demo, Mudge " -the m«w establish a ucrd by the liy realizint; ted coadju. r were soon n Bamaby lign for the I humorous Public." of ly wrouj^ht ley had the nost indut- luraged to tic enter- antly and just then connection he artist's that in a »nsofthis able hits," hers of the ressea.and ere be ob. ices of itj tors of the accounted has been time, jn fP" (Mr. en him a "Demo, place* on Jerofthe inies. In nc affect- piece was es. This number, their in, had been i'l in tha It on this in amply M in the "'"r «he 'ogrsph. '• Wiih lorily to will in. J% \Wfj SMITH & KEIGHLEY. -HcWholesale ^ Grocers,** East and West India Merchants. TORONTO. SPECIAL BARGAINS IN TEAS. Samples mailed free on application by letter. A. M. Smith. W. W. Keighley. Manchester, Robertson & Allison^ iMrORTBRS AND WhOLKSALS AND BBTAIL DBALBRS IH BRITISH, FOREIGN, AMERICAN AND CANADIAN MILLINERY &C. 27 & 29 KING5THEET. ST. JOHN, N. B. Shirt Factory, 42 Dock St. YONGE STR EET CAN DY STORE. GEORGE ROBERTS, Manufacturing Confectioner, 253 TONaS STBEST. SX>Z!aX.£LX.XZZ]S s— CARAMELS, BUTTER SCOTCH, ITALIAN CREAM, EVERTON TAFFY. DIPPED WALNUTS, HOARHOUND, LIME FRUIT TABLETS, COUGH DROPS. Fwii; .'.Oi 4.JA»/*iiJ*«»uri%i',"sr;', IS##>^^«^ BENGOUGH BROS., ..^B.<^ PUBLISHERS OF n^^^^— ^0,^5— CANADA'S RECOGNIZED COMIC PAPER. Known and respected throughout the Dominion, and constantly increasing in circulation and influence. 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