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Lorsque le document est trop grand pour etre reproduit en un seul cliche, il est filmd d partir de Tangle sup^rieur gauche, de gauche d droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d'images n^cessaire. Les diagrammes suivants lllustrent la mdthode. 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 m //I V ^ ^^^uM^^& l^ fv~,0im %jrt n m» i ^ i^g^l RETRIBUTION. |if'£^rHrii ^;0iilril}iifi0n 1 CAN PR 53 73 Tt) THK ' f(OVA SCOTiyi DEPApE^^T OF THE PII11.ADP:LPHTA EXIITinTION. BY ALBYN. Nemo me itnpune laceasit. HALIFAX, N. S. rULNTED UY WM. MACNAIJ, PJIINCE STREET, 1875. I ■ B2lf?4 Hiillunisic Cnllciir fit lira ru JOHN JAMES STEWART COLLECTION 1 oi •'•*,/ *^»^^ Ui.. f^ REIRIBUTION iterarii ^0iitrtliiitiiini TO THK \ ' I^pVA SCOTIjl DEPApEHT OF THE PHILADELPHIA EXHIBITION. BY ALBYN. ^seud M » Nemo nte itnpune lacesait. \1' HALIFAX, N, S. ^HI^'TEI) BY WM. MAC^'AB, PRINCE STREET, 1875. rP '^^~ ^^13 h^ 27 '/9 INTRODUCTION. *' Let those laugh now that have before Been laughing, laugh a little more ; And auch as never laugh, begin To exercise themselves therein.'' So did a heathen poet write In long ago, as apposite, And applicable we admit — Appears the relaxation, yet, Even in a christian age like this, It does not seem to be amiss. We'll contribute for one occasion Material for a cachination. No legend, ours, but bona Jide, And the location is beside ye ; The date, that scarcely need be told, Is, at the outside — two months old ; And for the actors, one's a showman. Another both a squire and yeoman ; The third, half-grown, — the wanting half We'll pass o'er in this paragraph. It generally is allow'd Of citizen-ship he is proud ; Prosumptive, too, more than is meet. ^ >. And strongly tinctured with conceit, Altho' its .sole foundation yet, Is with inysterioiisiiess beset. 'Tis true that " Festiis" said Paul hud With too much learninnr become mad : 'So education, in our days. A dwarfish brain may partly craze, And prompt our quondam friend to pav Us off for that election day. There is some satisfaction in Revenge, albeit allied to sin— 'Tis the clandestine mode, and mean, lie took to ventilate his spleen, We censure ; 'tis the zeal to aid His partner in the stigma trade. And cautiously a nameless Li/rc Attempt to hide from Albyn's ire : Vain subterfuge ! the cloven foot Was seen protruding thro' the Bnut. But, when a Boy (how erudition Might dignify a man's position. And if he by his actions lose it, It is not "Alma Mater" does it,)— iiut when a boy- well, we allow, He was not then what he is now : •Some traits imposing; other some >- Inviting; but on them we're dumb.' i- Tho' whilst we're chopping law and logic. Both may find entrance to our project. , , r . As wo iiitend to found our farce— on I'he frenzy of a fitid-it parson : Hence, .souicthiiifr of a legal kind, May witli them uiingle in our mind, And in the frlo, there's no doubt, That something curious will come out, Whereat the very jaws of coquettes In levity niay leave their sockets. And the more moderate escape With laces twisted out of shape. Laughing "s infectious ; there is none That cares for laughter when alono, -And never less than ten at least ■">hould laugh in chorus at a jest ; But, ten times ten ! in fact a crowd, ."Should be the quorinn we're allowed. Big J3ugs, or, specially invited, Listening to what we have indited. The quota of their mirth to cast in, W'hen it is read by Joseph Austen ; Or, see the broad grins— Motton uses W hen he the manuscript peruses. P>^o }m)uo puhlico ! we claim 'iV) write for neither fini nor fame. Our title page can well explain Why we invoke the Muse again. And grasj) the pencil with a will. 6 To figure makes our lingers thrill. As the ansailM we choose the brand Befitting best a Poet's hand, And woo to those with wanton aim Would with their slaver soil our name ; The champion's '' scull" may not awake One tithe the mirth that we could make, As hypocrite and harlequin — Like totuins on our tablets spin, Tho' not among the upper-ten. All would-be "honourable men." ii 1 RETRIBUTION. Nemo me iinpun« laceaait. " Owe no man anything, — but love.'" So reads the Si-riptures ; we approve The precept ; as we are a Poet, I'^eel perfectly content to owe it. 1'here seems to be no limit .set For cancelling that kind of debt, Not even a syH^ble is said Of when the payment shall be made, Accommodation never will Have terms more easy to fulfil ; Indeed, it seems as if no call Shall be for principal at all ; But, as our assets may accrue, We'll pay the interest, when due; Taking for granted, Ino' not stated. Hate should, of course, be ventilated ; And from the funds that we have now Must upon Fumiyman bestow The first instalment ; few we wot Will envv Uafter of his lot, t T^ s So learnM, so lapsed, and so lame — Gives him a preferential claim ; And as we fill cheques now and then No doubt we'll think of little Ken — As Gaffer's aider and abettor We own ourselves to be his debtor ; As we are solvent, he can wait, And brood )Oii his coming fate, Then by and bye, tho' times be dull, We'll settle his account in full. Just retribution is a debt Of honour — no one should forget, ^nd always to be promptly paid, Nor offsets over nicely made. Give Scripture measure for what's due- Press'd down and running over too. No compromises can atone For insolence in any one ; Society will not admit Of less than compensation fit. Especially, where spleen or spite, To liquidation does invite ; Nor to be weigh'd by consequences What may be meet for some offences ; But, as in making a silk purse, A sow's ear is not worth a curse — So poetry, on puppies may Be not the best adapted way. What odds ! as upon this occasion The object is not admiration, Yet, possibly by our coercion Outsiders may get some diversion. Nor is it all the Poet's fault, If wanting found in attic salt, Our similes and satires, freeze. Or scorch, exactly as we please ; And, even when inverted, will Part of our purposes fuliil. A I'armer in — terrorem nails To his barn door, the heads and tails. When they are caught, of iiawks and owls That come to prey upon his fowls ; Tho' not as compensation, yet JSome satisfaction he may get, And such marauders as are spared Deter from pilfering in his yard. kSo, we intend to gibbet some — To poach in our pr3serves do come. If throwing stones to them can give Delight, that in glass houses live ; Can it be strange if those they hit Do fling them back should they think fit. Ken is susceptible, and may Regret his rashness in a way — Perhaps he did not dream of, when [\\\\ I ' lit' \ ' If His venom m\VA the " Citizen.'' It is not the first time that we With vipers made a little free, And those that fasten'd on our hands Shook off among the burning brands, And knew not, if we felt much harm, in The bites of such disgusting vermin. We'll find enough to make Ken sorry, Without the family Eunuch story ! If Gaffer makes the balls, and Ken, For his amusement flings them, then — Then, by the castigating powers, Retaliation shall be ours. To let the pair escape our rhyme Would be both meanness and a crime- Be it remembered we are none— Of those that's tamely trench'd upon ; We give no quarter, — none we crave From either hypocrite or knavv^ ; But hold him as a treacherous foe. Beneath the belt would strike a blow^ And them assassins seek our track To make a stab behind our back. War to the knife, if it be war What may be done, at least we dare I , No sanctities can Albyn see In rn M. A. or LLd!, More than in fJaffer, or in Ken, To paralyse a poet's' pen ; 11 Even if there is, we count a title, Of no more value than a spittle. Our nom de plume, a certain guide, Of what we are, and, where abide. Nor, of such questionable shape To be mistaken for an Ape. Nothing anonymous conceals The open front of Andrew Shiels, He's not ashamed, nor yet afraid To face his foes with naked blade, Provided al'./ays that, behind A hedge, no hiding place they find, Or, cover with that sapient sheet. The "Citizen," their cloven feet; His visor's up, and is prepared The character he has to guard, — 'Titi capital too fondly prized That reckless ruffians, tho' disguised, However much to pillage prone, May find it best to leave alone ; Nor is he ever known to yield One foot-breadth on the battle field, Tho' a gorilla, tierce and keen, His bold assailant erst has been, We played our part till it became More calm at least, if not more tame ; Driving it off to Downing Street To publish there its own defeat ; /!l'i ii ii!. I ii I : !■ Hi! ' 12 Tho' all the uproar that it made Could not to sympathy persuade, And, saving Gaffer and his dog, Since then, we've met no other rogue. His fate might have admonish'd Ke.v. To be aware of Albyn's pen ; Not much Shiels dreads those wicked tilings, The wasps, though all of them have stings ; Still less, those wanton waifs that roam, As clergymen, away from home ; Half saints professed,— but then the tact is, That half, is seldom put in practice, And on occasions show a bias To act the part of Ananias ! Nor, will it be considered strange That some of them, by way of change, (3r rather relish, in their lives Have concubines, as well as wives I (Impatient of the happiness That fabled Honeymoons possess) — And lay aside the preaching trade. When servant girls are mothers made, Or, antecedents prove that it, Might be thought more than time to (|utt. 'T is not connnendable; but, then The ministers are only men — ' fi And of the ci devauta are some ,, . , i 'J'hat curious articles become, 1:1 ! Ill I 13 Even dwindle down till lost among The iindistingLiishiible thronijf. ..■; Tho' half a buzzard, if inclined, Ken need not go far oh to find, Xor waste his precious time to seek A blush for his unblushing cheek. There is more than one tender spot At home, perhaps he think's forgot. A verse of ours, without his leave, Could instantly from time retrieve, Or pencil in a paragraph, A picture, would make people laugh. Tho' little Ken, might little care. To see himself distinjiuish'd there. Altho' directed to forgive, No prohibition positive Knjoins how far, or in what way, We shoidd maliciousness repay ; WVll take the universal plan. To use our penchant as we can. And with due courtesy report, Proceedings in a Justice Court. :- -■ ; ' •' ; ^,- Some men are born to greatness ; some Must wait with patience till it come ; Whilst, actually, we have known 'era Had greatness suddenly thrust on 'em ; Even imbeciles have felt a touch ii) p; '! i If lit'' li 14 At times, altho' 'tis never much They always come back to the leveli Oil which they naturally revel, ill such, we grade him number four, lie may be less, he may be more, — A genius he, it must be owned. In Dartmouth frequently is found ; Of giant size, but brain so small. A baby's skull might hold it all. And, in the place of common sense, A vast amount of consequence. Determining the fine or fee A culprit mulcted there shall be ; It matters not what's said or sworn The imposition must be borne, And woe is theirs who breathe the air Or look for equity in there ! Oh! out of Justice Shallow's den Good Lord deliver us I Amen. A simple fact is always true, Altho' the dress 'tis in, be new ; But Shallow, by his legal lore, Deem'd that it could be less, or more. And found a fabrication must, If made on oath, be counted just. And over-ruled his colleague, who Sat there advising what to do — Saying, that for the sport we made, ■i 15 Only one dollar shoiilr] be paidl He could find nothing else to say, JSiit, then, it is the Dartmouth way. Oh ! oh ! from .Iiistiee ShallovvVs den Oood Lord deliver us ! Amen. EPITAPH. Mere (iuffer Fiimnpnan, the /-///v, /riV.s, who told lies upon the squire ; Among the ooiiimon damnM degraded, Till Satan'.s company's paraded. Gaft'er, was once a Hebrew teacher, And then an Antiburgess preacher, lentil some sort of a disaster ATade twain of people and of pastors We care not to ad\ertise now The over-curious, as to how, Or why : altho' in such a case, Tradition, does deserve a place. As their embellishments might add To what ali-eiidy is — too bad. But, it was deemed that near Mount Hope Would be a fitting place to stoj), As vantages of various kinds, A student in that structure finds, When symptoms of iniruliness Insanity— in part ccmfess. No, bye and bye, he got a home in f I .1: 1 i"h :^i i iP I ,1'i i I I 16 Dartmouth, and acted as a showman ; But stidit miliiHter.-i are there Considered quite a Hinall afl'air. Legends and la/Jness, did each, Nuit Gaffer better than to preach, rho' most officious, it is said, Where wealthy widows' wills are made, But far more summarily ejected, On some occasions — than expected I Leaving behind, without his care, The gold chains and the watches there — Aye, and the comfortable doze He had i>non the lounge, to lose, AVhere, wudst with one eye shut, he slept ; The other on the coffers kept Night watch ; or in the nurse's stead Could render help if there was need : A very plausible pretence For covering impertinence ; But the expulsion, sharp and short, Hpoil'd all the meditated sport, And harshly on his temper grated ' Beyond what he had calculated. And made the quasi christian creature The incarnation of ill-nature, Especially, if in the e'ening ■ " - An extra glass was intervening ; Like living balls of flaming fire His eyes betokened savage ire, ' : ; 11 Wliilst lip on end, stood cv'ry hyir, Without one sign of sermon there ; Aye, and the snout, the puggish shapeu, Appeiir'd a formidable weapon ; Its purple colour gave a grace To otherwise a fiendish face, And terse and terrible his tone Of utterance when the fit was on : Some people thought : — but we prefer. Not to say what, in case we err. And then, O then, but was not he A funny looking thing to see ! I No turkey cook could well be prouder Of his make-up, or gabble louder. Or, strut in more ludicrous fashion, Than Gafter in a pious passion. So, to diversify his labour, An ill report, raised on his neighbour. Albeit the Psalmist says : — such will Have no abode on Zion hill. And then besides, as people know, He turned his back upon the Plow. Even to establish his position — Lean'd o'er the margin of perdition, Feeling or might have felt, what verse In epitaphs may not rehearse. But, ev'n in Justice Shallow's hearing. He border'd closely on false swearing ; And it was difficult, forsooth. To keep him some-way near the truth. But that, was neither here nor there, As judgment had been given ere The ease was heard ; — to some this may Heem strange ; but is the Dartmouth way- It is the faces, not the facts, Upon an issue there— th^it acts. i'TI, 'it!' n - I i ere "' On Sabbath it had been decreed (The better day, tJie better deed,) On Sabbath I — day of self denial ; Sabbath ! the day before the trial It was announced, O sliallow mind \ That the defendant should be finetl. And right, or wrong, no odds it made When Justice Shallow had it said ! ! If there's a place that does compare With Dartmouth; who can tell us wh That we, (forgive our selfishness) Another wrinkle may possess. Had he been bless'd with sense to try And get the beam from his own eye. The motes that in his neighbours' swim Might not have Ibok'd so lai-ge to hi in ; But, " cruelty to animdls " An incident to us recalls ;__ ' > In Gaffer's history so riide •" " ' On memory it will obtrude. s^iii;- I w Anrl looms in oiir remembrance still, rho scene of it is break-heart Hill ; The time, one Sabbath afternoon, About the month of May or June, Or, if 'twas in the season later That does make verv little matter. When on his oath, forgetting then (For ministers are only men,) And difficult 'tis to exempt Some of the cloth from our contempt, Vnd it is just as like as not Mis antecedents were forgot, Or else he did not fteem it scandal To maul a horse with a hoe handle 1 At least the clumsey looking stick Was just as long and just as thick. More like a fencing stake than whip, It came down on the garran's hip. And had a deputy to aid Him, in the savage onslaught made. Returning home from preaching, down In the precincts of Lawrencetown ; And by his measurement of pain The jaded creature did complain ; And yet the sinner loudly prated, Because a dog we had checkmated ; That nightly with a burglar's aim, l^nseen our visitor became ; ill 'III' i/i:i i!'!:/ 2u And ill our lock-up without };ni{if,'i .g. Wan favour'd with u few hours lodging ; Nor martyr-like with a Te Dn>.m, Had been embahn'd in the Mu.souni. Perhaps he did not know that wo Were present then and there to see, The outrage on the poor dumb brute, Made by him, and his substitute ; But, one Cole harbourite at least Denounced his treatment of the beast. And cursed the wretch such reckless blows, Coidd on an animal impose. No doubt that Gafter was aware A justice Shallow was not there, But culpable it were to skip, That relic of his preaching trip. Snch cruelty had never been — Ere then in all Cole harbour seen, Nor will again, since dogs became Synonymous with Gaffer's name. Ah I now we are forgetting quite The epitaph we have to write, Which if we do, our readers will Imagine that we treat them ill ; And lest it disappointment give, We'll now resume the narrative. There's no apology to make About the zig-zag course we take, 21 As, just as it comes in our head, Soinctimos wo go at railway speed, Or if there bo a special cause, Are not averse to make a pause — But seldom tail, when 'tis a person, To let him off' without diversion — Noting the demon all the while, That lurks beneath a borrow'd smile. If this last paragraph seem odd, Just read it as an episode, Or a parenthesis ; digression May comprehend some useful lesson. Well, — Gaffer falhng, falling iuv^. Came to buffoonery at last ; Making the folk that cross the ferry With his he-ha, Iia-huwinr/ merry. Until the creature's shrivll'd soul Took flight at hearing a dog howl — • And these few strokes of Albyn's pen,- Here labels him faf/-e)id of men. -Albyn. Dartmouth^ Jane, 1875.