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Maps, plates, charts, etc., may be filmed at different reduction ratios. Those too large to be entirely included In one exposure are filmed beginning in the upper left hand corner, left to right and top to bottom, as many frames as required. The following diagrams illustrate the method: Les cartes, planches, tableaux, etc.. peuvent Atre flimte A des taux de reduction diffdrents. Lorsque Ie document est trop grand pour Atre reprodult en un seul cliche, il est film6 6 partir de Tangle sup6rieur gauche, de gauche d droite, et de haut en has, en prenant ie nombre d'imeges nAcessaire. Les diagrammes suivants iliustrent la mithode. 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 THE OLD JUDGE. NOTICE. The copyright of this Work being the exclaaive property of Mr. Colburn, any person attempting to infringe his right will be im* mediately prosecuted. The Publisher also begs to state that, by the late Copyright Act, the 5 and 6 Victoria, c. 46, it is enacted, that any person having in his possession, within the United Kingdom, for sale or hire, one or more copies printed abroad of any English work protected by the Act referred to, is liableto a penalty, which, in cases aflfecting his interest, he intends to enforce. The public are further informed, that the Act 5 and 6 Victoria, c. 47, 8. 24, prohibits the importation of all works printed in foreign countries, of which the copyright has not expired. Even single copies, though for the especial use of the importers, and marked with their names, are excluded ; and the Customs* officers in the different ports are strictly enjoined to carry this regulation into effect. N.B. — The above r^ulations are in force in all British colonies and dependencies, as well as in the United Kingdom. THE OLD JUDGE; OR, LIFE IN A COLONY. BY THE AUTHOR OF "SAM SLICK, THE CLOCKMAKEE,* ** THE ATTACH V &C. Hab«foque senectuti magnam gratiam, qn« mihi lennonU aviditatem auxit, potlonit et clbi susttdit. Cioebo di Sikictut*. 0,t\B iSHition* LONDON: n • c • ' • ' !j " HENRY COLBURN, En.0LISHBR. GREAT MARLBOROUOg^ STREET. 1860. '"o'. F. Shobeil, Jun*tPriuter to H.R.H. Prince Albert, 51. Kiipertiitreet, Haymarkrt. b^oS^^ » > . . « ' I ifEB 1 » tSiy .••. 1 • • • t • .'.v. • • • * * • ••• PREFACE. The following sketches of" Life in a Colony" were drawn from nature, after a residence of half a century among the people, whose habits, manners, and social condition, they are intended to delineate. I have adopted the form of a tour, and the character of a stranger, for the double purpose of avoiding the prolixity of a journal, by the omission of tedious details, and the egotism of an author, by making oth^ speak for themselves in their own way. The utmost care has been taken to exclude any thing that could by any possibility be sup- posed to have a personal reference, or be the subject of annoyance. The " dramatis per- sonae" of this work are, therefore, ideal repre- sentatives of their several .classes, having aU the characteristics and peculiarities of their own set, but no actual existence. Should they be found to resemble particular individuals, I can A3 IV PREFACE. assure the reader that it is accidental, and not intentional ; and I trust it will be considered, as it really is, the unavoidable result of an attempt to delineate the features of a people among whom there is such a strong family likeness. In my previous works, I have been fortimate enough to have avoided censure on this score, and I have been most anxious to render the present book as unobjectionable as its pre- decessors. Political sketches I have abstained from altogether; provincial and local affairs are too insignificant to interest the general reader, and the policy of the Colonial Office is foreign to my subject. The absurd import- ance attached in this country to trifles, the grandiloquent language of rural politicians, the flimsy veil of patriotism, imder which selfishness strives to hide the deformity of its visage, and the attempt to adopt the machinery of a large empire to the government of a small colony, present many objects for ridicule or satire; but they could not be approached without the suspicion of personality, and the direct imputation of prejudice. As. I con-^ sider, however, that the work would be incom- plete without giving some idea of the form of PREFACE. T government under which the inhabitants of the lower colonies live, I have prepared a very brief outline of it, without any comment. Those persons who take no interest in such matters, can pass it over, and leave it for others who may prefer information to amuse- ment. I have also avoided, as far as practicable, topics common to other countries, and endea- voured to select scenes and characters pecu- liar to the colony, and not to be found in books. Some similarity there must necessarily be be- tween all branches of the Anglo-Saxon family, speaking the same language, and living imder modifications of the same form of government ; but still, there are shades of difference which, though not strongly remarked, are plainly dis- cernible to a practised eye. Facies non omnibus una nee tamen diversa. This distinctive character is produced by thi necessities and condition of a new country, by the nature of the climate, the want of an Esta- blished Church, hereditaiy rank, entailment of estates, and the subdivision of labour, on the one hand, and the absence of nationality, independ- ence, and Republican institutions, on the other. VI PBEFACE. Colonists difFer again in like manner from each other, according to the situation of their respective country ; some being merely agri- cultural, others commercial, and many par- taking of the character of both. A picture of any one North American Province, therefore, will not, in all respects, be a true representa- tion of another. The Nova Scotian, who is more particularly the subject of this work, is often found superintending the cultivation of a farm, and building a vessel at the same time ; and is not only able to catch and cure a cargo of fish, but to find his way with it to the West Indies or the Mediterranean ; he is a man of all work, but expert in none — ^knows a little of many things, but nothing well. He is ir- regular in his pursuits, " all things by turns, and nothing long," and vain of his ability or information, but is a hardy, frank, good- natured, hospitable, manly fellow, and withal quite as good-looking as his air gives you to understand he thinks himself to be. Such is the gentleman known throughout America as Mr. Blue Nose, a sobriquet acquired from a superior potato of that name, of the good qualities of which he is never tired of talking, being anxious, like most men of small property. PREFACE. Vll to exhibit to the best advantage the little he liad. Although this term is applicable to all natives, it is more particularly so to that por- tion of the population descended from emi- grants from the New England States, either pre- viously to, or immediately after, the American Revolution. The accent of the Blue Nose is provincial, inclining more to Yankee than to English, his utterance rapid, and his conversa- tion liberally garnished with American phraseo- logy, and much enlivened with dry hiunuur. From the diversity of trades of which he knows something, and the variety of occupations in which he has been at one time or another engaged, he uses indiscriminately the technical terms of all, in a manner that would often puzzle a stranger to pronounce whether he was a landsman or sailor, a farmer, mechanic, lum- berer, or fisherman. These characteristics are more or less common to the people of New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, and Cape Breton, and the scene of these sketches might perhaps to a very great extent be laid, with equal propriety, in those places as in Nova Scotia. But to Upper and Lower Canada they are not so applicable. VUl PREFACE. The town of lUinoo, so often mentioned in this work, is a fictitious place. I have selected it in preference to a real one, to prevent the possible application of my remarks to any of the inhabitants, in accordance with the earnest desire I have already expressed to avoid giving offence to any one. 1 1 CONTENTS. PAOB Chapter I. The Old Judge . ... 1 Chapter n. How many Fins has a Cod f or, Forty Years Ago . . * • .10 Chapter in. Asking a Governor to Dine . . 34 Chapter IV. The Tombstones . . .73 Chapter Y. A Ball at Government House . . 88 Chapter VI. The Old Admiral and the Old General . 119 Chapter VH. The First Settlers . . .143 Chapter VJLII. Merrimakings . • . . . 150 Chapter IX. The Schoolmaster; or, the Hecke Thaler 168 Chapter X. The Lone House . • .186 Chapter XL The Keeping-room of an Inn ; or, Judge Beler's Ghost. No. I. ... 205 Chapter XII. The Keeping-room of an Inn ; or. See- ing the Devil. No. IL . . . .235 Chapter Xni. The Keeping-room of an Inn; or, a Long Night and a Long Story. No. in. . . 262 Chapter XIV. The Keeping-room of an Inn; or, the Cushion -Dance. No. IV. . . . 280 Chapter XV. The Keeping-room of an Lm; or, A Chase for a Wife. No. V. . . . 303 Chapter XVI. A Pippin ; or, Sheepskins and Garters 335 Chapter XVII. Horse-shoe Cove; or, Hufeisen Bucht. No. I. ..... 361 Chapter XVIIL Horse-shoe Cove; or, Hufeisen Bucht. No. n. ..... 376 Chapter XIX. The Seasons ; or, Comers and Goers . 400 Chapter XX. The Witch of Inky Dell .. . 425 Chapter XXI. Colonial Government . . 450 THE OLD JUDGE; OR, LIFE IN A COLONY. CHAPTER I. THE OLD JUDGE. A few days ago two strangers were shown into my study : one of them, stepping aside, pointed to his companion, and said, " This, sir, is the Reverend Gabriel Gab of Olympus." The other performed the same kind office for his friend, saying, " And this, sir, is the Reverend Elijah Warner, of the Millerite per- suasion, from Palmyra, United States of America." The former, whose name was by no means inappro- priate, explained, with great volubility, the object of their visit, which he said was twofold : first, to pay their respects to me; secondly, to make some inquiries about the great bore in the river in my neighbourhood. Had there been a mirror in the room, I should have been tempted to have pointed to it, as they would have there seen two much greater bores iii their own persons ; for, if there is any one subject more than another, of which I am he»rtibr.iireil, it is tlbe in^ or racing, wrestling and boxing, smoking and drinking, sales at auction, and games of various kinds, occupied the noisy and not very sober crowd. The temperance of modem times, the substitution of professional men as judges, and an entire change of habits among the people, have no less altered the character of the scenes within than without the walls of these halls of justice. In no respect is the improvement of this country so apparent as in its judicial establishments. As an illus- tration of the condition of some of these County Courts in the olden time, the Judge related to me the follow- ing extraordinary story that occurred to himself: — Shortly after my return from Europe, about forty years ago, I attended the Western Circuit of the Supreme Court, which then terminated at Annapolis, and remained behind a few days, for the purpose of ex- amining that most interesting place, which is the scene of the nrst effective settlement in North America. While engaged in these investigations, a person called upon me, and told me he had ridden express from Plymouth, to obtain my assistance in a cause which was to be tried in a day or two in the county court at that place. The judj^es were at that period, as I have previously observed, not professional men, but magistrates, and equally unable to administer law, or to preserve order j and the verdicts generally de- pended more upon the declamatory powers of the law- yers than the merits of the causes. The distance was I 12 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, great the journey had to be performed on horseback — the roads were bad, the accommodation worse. I had a great repugnance to attend these courts under any circumstances ; and, besides, had pressing engage- ments at home. I therefore declined accepting his retainer, which was the largest that at that time had ever been tendeied to me, and begged to be excused. If the fee, he said, was too small to render it worth my while to go, he would cheerfiilly double it, for money was no object. The cause was one of great im- portance to his friend, Mr. John Barkins, and of deep interest to the whole community; and, as the few lawyers that resided within a hundred miles of the place were engaged on the other side, if I did not go, nis unfortunate friend would fall a victim to the m- trigues and injustice of his opponents. In short, he was so urgent, that at last I was prevailed upon to con- sent, and we set off together to prosecute our journey on horseback. The agent, Mr. William Robins (who had the most accurate and capacious memory of any man I ever met), proved a most entertaining and agreeable companion. He had read a great deal, and retained it all ; and, having resided many years near Plymouth, knew every body, every place, and every tradition. Withal, he was somewhat of a humourist. Finding him a person of this description, my curiosity was excited to know who and what he was ; and I put the question to him. '' I am of the same profession you are, sir,^** he said. I immediately reined up. "If that be the case," I replied, " my good friend, you must try the cause yourself. I cannot consent to go on. The only thing that induced me to set out with you was your assertion that every lawyer, within a nundred miles of Plymouth, was retained on the other side." " Excuse me, sir," he said, " I did not say I was a lawyer." " No," I observed, " you did not ; but you stated LIFE IN A COLONY. 13 that you were of the same profession as myself, which is the same thing/' " Not exactly, sir," he said. *' I am a wrecker. I am Lloyds' agent, and live on the misfortunes of others ; so do you. When a vessel is wrecked, it is my busi- ness to get her off, or to save the property. When a man is entangled among the shoals or quicksands of the law, your duty is similar. We are both wreckers, and, therefore, members of the same profession. The only difference is, you are a lawyer, and I am not." This absurd reply removing all difficulty, we pro- ceeded on our journey; and the first night after passing through Digby reached Shingle Town, or Spaitsville, the origin of which, as he related it to me, was the most whimsical story 1 ever heard. It is rather long for an episode, and I will tell it to you some other time. The next morning we reached Clare, a town- ship wholly owned and occupied by French Acadians, the descendants of those persons who first settled at Port Royal (as I have just related), and other parts of the province into which they had penetrated, pre- vious to the occupation of the English. I will not trouble you with the melancholy history of these people at present ; I only allude to them now on account of a little incident in our journey. As we approached tlie chapel, we saw a large number of persons in front of the priest's house, having either terminated or being about to commence a procession. As soon as Robins saw them, he said — " Now, I will make every man of that congregation take off his hat to me." "How?" " You shall see." He soon pulled up opposite to a large wooden cross that stood by the way-side, and, takmg off his hat, bowed his head most reverently and respectfully down to the horse's neck, and then, slowly covering again, passed on. When we reached the crowd, every hat was lifted in deference to the devout stranger, who had 14 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, thus courteously or piously saluted the emblem of their faith. As soon as we had escaped the wondering gaze of the people, he observed — *' There, lawyer, there is a usefiil lesson in life for you. He who respects the relidous feelings of others, will not fail to win indulgence lor his own." In the afternoon we arrived at Plymouth. As we entered the village, I observed that the court-house as usual was surrounded by a noisy multitude, some de- tached groups of which appeared to be discussing the trials of the morning, or anticipating that which was to engross the attention of the public on the succeeding day. On the opposite side of the road was a large tavern, the hospitable door of which stood invitingly open, and permitted the escape of most agreeable and seducing odours of rum and tobacco. The crowd occu- pied and filled the space between the two buildings, and presented a moving and agitated surface ; and yet a strong current was perceptible to a practised eye in this turbid mass, setting steadily out of the court- house, and passing slowly but constantly through the centre of this estuary into the tavern, and returning again in an eddy on either side. Where every one was talking at the same time, no individual could be heard or understood at a distance, but the united vociferations of the assembled hundreds blended together, and formed the deep-toned but disso- nant voice of that hydra-headed monster, the crowd. On a nearer approach, the sounds that «omposed this unceasing roar became more distinguishable. The drunken man might be heard rebuking the profane, and the profane overwhelming the hypocrite with oppro- brium for his cant. Neighbours, rendered amiable by liquor, embraced as brothers, and loudly proclaimed their unchangeable friendship ; while the memory of past injuries, awakened into fury by the liquid poison, placed others in hostile attitude, who hurled defiance and abuse at each other, to the full extent of their lungs or their vocabulary. The slow, measured, nasal LIFE IN A COLONY. 15 talk of the degenerate settler from Puritanical New England, was rendered unintelligible by the ceaseless and rapid utterance of the French fisherman ; while poor Pat, bludgeon in hand, uproariously solicited his neighbours to fight or to drink, and generously gave them their option. Even the dogs caught the infec- tion of the place, and far above their masters' voices might occasionally be heard the loud, sharp cry of triumph, or the more shrill howl of distress uttered by these animals, who, with as little Cttuso as their senseless owners, had engaged in a stupid conflict. A closer inspection revealed the groupings with more painful distinctness. Here, might be seen the meiry, active Negro, flapping his mimic wings and crowing like a cock in token of defiance to all his sable brethren, or dancing to the sound of his own musical voice, and terminating every evolution with a scream of delight. There, your attention was arrested by a ferocious- looking savage, who, induced by the promise of liquor, armed with a scalping-knife in one hand and a toma- hawk in the other, exhibited his terrific war-dance, and uttered his demoniac yells, to the horror of him who personated the victim, and suffered all the pangs of martyrdom in trembling apprehension that that which had begun in sport might end in reality, and to the infinite delight of a circle of boys, whose morals were thus improved and confirmed by the conversation and example of their fathers. At the outer edge of the throng might be seen a woman, endeavouring to persuade or to force her inebriated husband to leave this scene of sin and shame, and return to his neg- lected home, his family, and his duties. Now, success crowns her untiring exertions, and he yields to her tears and entreaties, and gives himself up to her gentle guidance ; when suddenly the demon within him rebels, and he rudely bursts from her feeble but aflectionate hold, and returns, shouting and roaring like a maniac, to his thoughtless and noisy associates. The enduring love of the agonized woman prompts her again and 16 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, again to renew the effort, until at last some kind friend, touched by her sorrows and her trials, lends her the aid of his powerful arm, and the truant man is led off captive to what was once a happy home, but now a house of destitution and distress. These noises ceased for a moment as we arrived at the spot, and were super- seded by a command issued by several persons at the same time. ** Clear the road there ! Make way for the gentle- men !" We had been anxiously expected all the afternoon, and the command was instantly obeyed, and a passage opened for us by the people falling back on either side of the street. As we passed through, my friend checked his horse into a slow walk, and &d me with an air of triumph, such as a jockey displays in bringing out his favourite on the course. Bobins was an important man that day. He had succeeded in his mission. He had got his champion, and would be ready for fight in the morning. It was but reasonable, therefore, he thought, to indulge the public with a glimpse at his man. He nodded familiarly to some, winked slily to others, saluted people at a distance aloud, and shook hands patronisingly with those that were nearest. He would occasionally lag behind a moment, and say, in an under but very audible tone — " Precious clever fellow that ! Sees it all — says we are all right — sure to win it ! I wouldn't be in those fellows the plaintiff's skins to-morrow for a trifle ! He is a powerful man, that !" and so forth. The first opportunity that occurred, I endeavoured to put a stop to this trumpeting. ** For Heaven's sake," I said, " my good friend, do not talk such nonsense ; if you do, you will ruin me ! I am at all times a diffident man, but, if you raise such expectations, I shall assuredly break down, from the very fear of not fulfilling them. I know too well the doubtful issue of trials ever to say that a man is certain of winning. Pray do not talk of me in this manner." LIFE IN A COLONY. 17 IS manner/ " You are sure, sir," he said. ** What, a man who [has just landed from his travels in Europe, and arrived, after a journey of one hundred miles, from the last [sitting of the Supreme Court, not to know more than any one else ! Fudge, sir ! I congratulate you, you have gained the cause ! And besides, sir, do jrou think that if William Robins sajrs he has got the right man (and he wouldn't say so if he didn'*t think so), that that isn't enough? Why, sir, your leather breeches and top-boots are enough to do the business ! Nobody ever saw such things here before, and a man in buck- skin must know more than a man in homespun. But here is Mrs. Brown's inn ; let us dismount. I have Srocured a private siiting-room for you, which on court- ays, militia trainings, and times of town meetings or elections, is not very easy, I assure you. Come, walk in, and make yourself comfortable." We had scarcely entered into our snuggery, which was evidently the landlady's own apartment, when the door was softly opened a few inches, and a beseeching voice was heard, saying — " Billy, is that him ? If it is, tell him it's me ; will you ? that's a good soul !" >* Come in — come in, old Blowhard!" said Robins ; and, seizing the stranger by the hand, he led him up, and introduced him to me. " Lawyer, this is Captain John Barkins ! — Captain Barkins, this is Lawyer Sandford ! He is our client^ lawyer, and I must say one thing for him : he has but two faults, but they are enough to ruin any man in this ?rovince ; he is an honest man, and speaks the truth, will leave you together now, and go and order your dinner for you." John Barkins was a tall, corpulent, amphibious- looking man, that seemed as if he would be equally at home in either element, land or water. H^ held in his hand what he called a nor'-wester, a large, broad- brimmed, glazed hat, with a peak projecting behind to ^hed the water from off his club queue, which was 18 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, nearly as thick as a hawser. He wore a long, narrow- tailed, short-waisted blue coat, with large, white-plated buttons, that resembled Spanish dollars, a red waist- coat, a spotted Bandanna silk handkerchief tied loosely about his throat, and a pair of voluminous, corduroy trousers, of the colour of brown soap, over which were drawn a pair of fishermen's boots, tnat reached nearly to his knees. His waistcoat and his trousers were ap- parently not upon very intimate terms, for, though thev travelled together, the latter were taught to feel their subjection, but, when thev lagged too far behind, they were brought to their place by a jerk of impatience that threatened their very existence. He had a thick, matted head of black hair, and a pair of whiskers that disdained the effeminacy of either scissors or razor, and revelled in all the exuberant and wild profusion of nature. His countenance was much weather-beaten from constant exposure to the vicissitudes of heat and cold, but was open, good-natured, and manly. Such was my client. He advanced and shook me cordially by the hand. " Glad to see you, sir/' he said; " you are welcome to Plymouth. My name is John Barkins ; I dare say you have often heard of me, for everybody knows me about these parts. Any one will tell you yfh?J sort of a man John Barkins is. That's me — that's riiy name, do you see ? 1 am a parsecuted man, lawyer ; but I ain t altogether quite run down yet, neither. I have a case in court ; I dare say Mr. Kobins has told you of it. He is a very clever man is old Billy, and as smart a chap of his age as you will see anywhere a'most. I suppose you have often heard of him before, for every- body knows William Robins in these parts. It's the most important case, sir, ever tried in this county. If I lose it, Plymouth is done. There's an end to the fisheries, and a great many of us are a going to sell off and quit the country." I will not detail his cause to you in his own words, because it will fatigue you as it wearied me in hearing LIFE IN A COLONY. 19 it. It possessed no public interest whatever, though it was of some importance to himself as regarded the result. It appeared that he had fitted out a large vessel for the Labradore fishery, and taken with him a very full crew, who were to share in the profits or loss of the adventure. The agreement, which was a verbal one, was, that on the completion of the voyage the cargo should be sold, and the net proceeds be dis- tributed in equal portions, one half to appertain to the captain and vessel, and the other half to the crew, and to be equally divided among them. The undertaking was a disastrous one, and on their return the seamen repudiated the bargain, and sued him for wages. It was, therefore, a very simple affair, being a mere ques- tion of fact as to the partnership, and that depending wholly on the evidence. Havmg ascertained these particulars, and inquired into the nature of the proof by which his defence was to be supported, and given him his instructions, I requested him to call upon me again in the morning before Court, and bowed to him in a manner too significant to be misunderstood. He, however, still lingered in the room, and, turning his hat round and round several times, examining the rim very carefully, as if at a loss to discover the front from the back part of it, he looked up at last, and said — '• Lawyer, I have a favour to ask of you." " What is it T I inquired. " There is a man," he replied, " coming adn me to- morrow as a witness, of the name of Lillum. He thinks himself a great judge of the fisheries, and he does know a considerable some, I must say ; but, d^ him ! I caught fish afore he was born, and know more about fishing than all the Lillums of Plymouth piit together. Will you just ask him one question I" " Yes, fifty, if you like." " Well, I only want you to try him with one, and that will choke him. Ask him if ne knows * how many fins a cod has, at a v^ord.^ " 20 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, illi 1 I m " What haa that got to do with the cause 2" I said, with unfeigned astonishment. ** Everything, sir,**' he answered ; " everything in the world. If he is to come to give his opinion on other men''s business, the best way is to see if he knows his own. Tarnation, man ! he don''t know a cod-fish when he sees it ; if he does, he can tell you * how many fins it has, at a word.^ It is a great catch that. I have won a great many half-pints of brandy on it. I never knew a feller that could answer that question yet, right off the reel." He then explained to me that, in the enumeration, one small fin was always omitted by those who had not previously made a minute examination. " Now, sir,"" said he, " if he can''t cipher out that question (and Til go a hogshead of rum on it he can^t), turn him right out of the box, and tell him to go a voyage with old John Barkins — that's me, my name is John Barkins — and he will lam him his trade. Will you ask him that question, lawyer 2" " Certainly," I said, " if you wish it." " You will gain the day, then, sir," he continued, much elated; " you will gain the day, then, as sure as fate. Good- by, lawyer!" When he had nearly reached the foot of the stair- case, I heard him returning, and, opening the door, he looked in and said — " You won''t forget, will you 2 — my name is John Barkins ; ask anybody about here, and they will tell you who I am, for everybodv knows John Barkins in these parts. The other man s name is Lillum — a very decent, 'sponsible-looking man, too ; but he don't know everything. Take him up all short. *How many fins has a cod, at a word 2' says you. If you can lay him on the broad of his back with that question, I don't care a farthing if I lose the case. It's a great satisfaction to nonplush a knowin' one that way. You know the question 2" " Yes, yes," I replied, impatiently. ** I know all about it." LIFE IN A COLONY. 21 ♦' You do, do you, sirf said he, shutting the door behind him, and advancing towards me, and looking me steadily in the face ; " you do, do you ? Then, * how many fins has a cod, at a word V "" I answered as he had instructed me. " Gad, sir," he said, " it's a pity your father hadn't made a fisherman of you, for you know more about a cod now than any man in Plymouth but one, old John Barkins — that's me, my name is John Barkins. Every- body knows me in these parts. Bait your hook with that question, and you'll catch old Lillum, I know. As soon as he has it in his gills, drag him ri^ht out of the water. Give him no time to play — in with him, and whap him on the deck ; hit him hard over the head — it will make him open his mouth, and your hook is ready for another catch." " Good night, Mr. Barkins," I replied ; " call on me in the morning. I am fatigued now." " Good night, sir," he answered ; " you won't forget r Dinner was nov/ announced, and my friend Mr. Robins and myself s^,t down to it with an excellent appetite. Having done ample justice to the wood cheer of Mrs. Brown, and finished our wine, we drew up to the fire, which, at that season of the year, was most acceptable in the moyning and evening, and smoked our cigars. Bobins had so many good stories, and told them so uncommonly well, that it was late before we retired to rest. Instead of being shown into the bed- room I had temporarily occupied for changing my dress before dinner, I was ushered into a long, low room, fitted up on either side with berths, with a locker running round the base, and in all respects, except the skylight, resembling a cabin. Strange as it appeared, it was in keeping with the place (a fishing port), its population, and the habits of the people. Mrs. Brown, the landlady, was the widow of a sea- faring^ man, who had, no doubt, fitted up the chamber in this manner with a view to economize room, and 22 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, thus accommodate as many passengers (as he would designate his guests) as possible in this sailor's home. A lamp hung suspended from the ceiling, and ap- peared to be supplied and trimmed for the nt^'^ht, so as to afford easy access and egress at all honi^. It was almost impossible not to imagine one's self at sea, on board of a crowded coasting-packet. Betreat was impossible, and therefore I made up my mind at once to submit to this whimsical arrangement for the night, and, haying undressed myself, was about to climb mto a yacant berth near the door, when some one opposite called out — " Lawyer, is that you ?" It was my old tormentor, the skipper. Upon ascer- taining who it was, he immediately got out of bed, and crossed oyer to where I was standing. He had nothing on but a red nightcap, and a short, loose check shirt, wide open at the throat and breast. He looked like a huge bear walking upon his hind-legs, he was so hairy and shaggy. Seizing me by the shouldera, he clasped me tightly round the neck, and whispered — '* * How many fins has a cod, at a word V That's the question. You won't forget, will you I" " No," I said, " I not only will not forget it to- morrow, hut I shall recollect you and your adyice as long as I liye. Now let me get some rest, or I shall be unable to plead your cause for vou, as I am ex- cessiyely fatigued and yery drowsy.' " Certainly, certainly," he said; '* turn in, but don't forget the catch." It was some time before the hard bed, the fatigues of the journey, and the noyelty of the scene, permitted me to compose myself for sleep ; and just as I was dropping off into a slumber, I heard the same un- welcome sounds — ♦* Lawyer, lawyer, are you asleep T I affected not to hear him, and, after another in- effectual attempt on his part to rouse me, he desisted ; but I heard him mutter to himself-^ # LIFE IN A COLONY. 23 Plague take the sarpent ! he'll forget it and lose 11 : a feller that falls asleep at the helm, ain't fit to e trusted to how." I was not doomed, however, to obtain repose upon uch easy terms. The skipper's murmurs had scarcely ied avay, when a French fisherman from St. Mary's ay entered the room, and, stumbling over my saddle- ags, which he anathematized in bad French, bad .ndish, and in a language compounded of both, and mbellished with a few words of Indian origin, he ailed out loudly — " C^lestine, are you here ?" This interrogatory was responded to by another om the upper end of the room — " Is that you, Baptiste ? Which way is the wind?" " Nor'-nor'-west.'^ " Then I must sail for Halifax to-morrow." While Baptiste was undressing, an operation which was soon performed (with the exception of the time lost in pulling off an obstinate and most intractable pair of boots), the following absurd conversation took place. Upon hearing the word Halifac, (as he called it) Baptiste expressed great horror of the place, and especially the red devils (the soldiers) with which it was infested. He said the last time he was there, as he was passing the King's Wharf to go to his vessel late at night, the sentinel called out to him, " Wlio come dare ?" to which impertinent question he gave no answer. The red villain, he said, repeated the challenge louder than before, but, as he knew it was i]lone of his business, he did not condescend to reply. The soldier then demanded, in a voice of thunder, for the third time, *' Who come dare 2" *' to which," to use his own words, " I answer him, * What the devil is that to you ?' and ran off so fast as my legs would e^irry me, and faster too ; but the villam knew the v/ay better nor me, and just stuck his * bagonut' right into my thigh, ever so far as one inch. Oh !" said Baptiste (wno had become excited by the recollection 84 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, of the insult, and be^an to jump about the floor, making a most yillanous clatter with the Jialf-drawn boot), *' Oh ! I was very mad, you may depend. 1 could have murder him, I was so vexed. Oh ! I was so d mad, I ran straight oft' to the vessel without stopping, and — jumped right into bed." U^lestine expressed OTeat indignation at such an unprovoked ana cowardly assault, and advised him, if ever he caught that soldier again, alone and unarmed, and had his two grown-up sons, Lewis and Dominique, with him, to give him a sound drubbing, and then weigh anchor, and sail right out of the harbour. He congratulated himself, however^that if the soldier had run the point of his bayonet into his friend, he had lately avenfjed it by making a merchant there feel the point of a joke that was equally sharp, and penetrated deeper. He had purchased goods, he said, of a trader at Halifax upon this express promise — " If you will trust me this spring, I will pay you last fall. The merchant," he observed, " thought I was talkino; bad English, but it is very £rood English ; and when last fall comes again, I will Keep my word and pay him, but not c\\\ then. Don''t he hope he may get his money the day before yesterday ?" Baptiste screamed with delight at this joke, which, he said, he would tell his wife Felicity, and his two daughters, Angdlique and Blondine, as soon as he returned home. Having succeeded at last in escaping from his tenacious boot, he turned in, and, as soon as his head touched the pillow, was sound asleep. In the morning when I awoke, the first objects that met my eye were the Bandanna handkerchief, the red waistcoat and blue coat, while a goodnatured face watched over me with all the solicitude of a parent for the first moments of wakefulness. " Lawyer, are you awake T said Barkins. " This is the great day — the greatest day Plymouth ever saw ! We shall know now whether we are to carry on the fisheries, or give them up to the Yankees. Every- LIFE IN A COLONY. 2.') thing depends upon that question ; for Heaven's sake, Idon't forged it ! — * How many fins has a cod, at a I word V jT is very late now. It is eight o'clock, and the courts meet at ten, and the town is full. AH the [folks from Chebogue, and Jegoggin, and Salmon River, and Beaver River, and Eel Brook, and Polly Crossby's Hole, and the Gut and the Devil's Island, and Ragged Island, and far and near, are come. It's a great day and a great catch. I never lost a bet on it yet. You may win many a half-pint of brandy on it, if you won't forget it." *' Do go away and let me dress myself!" I said, )etulantlv. " I won't forget you." *' Well, I'll go below," ne replied, " if you wish it, Ibut call for me when you want me. My name is 'John Barkins ; ask any one for me, for every man knows John Barkins in these parts. But, dear me," he continued, *' I forgot !" and, taking an enormous key out of his pocket, he opened a sea-chest, from which he drew a large glass decanter, highly gilt, and a rummer of corresponding dimensions, with a golden edge. Taking the oottle m one hand and the glass in the other, he drew the small round gilt stopper with his mouth, and, pouring out about half a pmt of the liquid, he said, *^ Here, lawyer, take a drop of bitters this morning, just to warm the stomach and clear your throat. It's excellent ! It is old Jamaiky and sarsy-parilly, and will do your heart good. It s an antifogmatic, and will make you as hungry as a shark, and as lively as a thrasher !" I shook my head in silence and despair, for I saw he was a man there was no escaping from. "You won't, eh?" " No, thank you, I never take anything of the kind in the morning. "Where the deuce was you broughten up," he asked, with distended eyes, "that you haven't lost the taste of your mother's milk yet ? You are worse than an Isle of Sable colt, and them wild, ontamed devils suckle for two years ! Well, if you won't, I will, c n 26 THE OLD JUDGE J OR, :1! h VI i . hi tlien ; so here goes," and holding back his head, the potion vanished in an instant, and he returned the bottle and the glass to their respective placies. As he went, slowly and sulkily, down stairs, he muttered, " Hang him ! he's only a fresh-water fish that, after all ; and they ain't even fit for bait, for they have neither substance nor flavour !" After breakfast, Mr. Robins conducted me to the court-house, which was filled almost to suffocation. The panel was immediately called, and the jury placed in the box. Previous to their being sworn, I inquired of Barkins whether any of them were related to the plaintiffs, or had been known to express an opinion adverse to his interests ; for if such was the case, it was the time to challenge them. To my astonishment, he immediately rose and told the judges he challenged tlie whole jury, the bench of magistrates, and every man in the house, — a defiance that was accompanied by a menacing outstretched arm and clenched fist. A shout of laugnter that nearly shook the walls of the building followed this violent outbreak. Nothing daunted by their ridicule, however, he returned to the charge, and said, " I repeat it ; I challenge the whole of you, if you dare!" Here the Court interposed, and asked him what he meant by such indecent behaviour. " Meant !" he said, " I mean what I say. The strange lawyer here tells me now is my time to chal- lenge, and I claim my right ; I do challenge any or all of you ! Pick out any man present you please, take the smartest chap youVe got, put us both on board the same vessel, and I challenge him to catch, spit, clean, salt, and stow away as many fish in a day as I can, — cad, poUuck, shad, or mackerel ; I dou t care which, for it s all the same to me ; and V\\ go a hogshead of rum on it I beat him ! Will any man take up the challenge ?" and he turned slowly round and examined the whole crowd. " You won^, won't IS .-I'i Pi LIFE IN A COLONY. 27 you ? I guess not ; you know a trick worth two of that, I reckon ! There, lawyer, there is my challenge ; now go on with the cause !*" As soon as order was restored the jury were sworn, and the plantifF's counsel opened his case and called his witnesses, the last of whom was Mr. Lillum. " That's him !" said Barkins, putting both arms round my neck and nearly choking me, as he whis- pered, "Ask him 'how many fins a cod has, at a word V " I now stood up to cross-examine him, when I was again in the skipper''s clutches. " Don''t forget ! the question is ...." " If you do not sit down immediately, sir," I said, in a loud and authoritative voice (for the scene had become ludicrous), " and leave me to conduct the cause my own way, I shall retire from the Court !"" He sat down, and, groaning audibly, put both hands before his face and muttered,— " There is no dependence on a man that sleeps at the helm!" I commenced, however, in the way my poor client desired : for I saw plainly that he was more anxious of what he called stumping old Lillum and nonplushing him, than about the result of his trial, although he was firmly convinced that the one depended on the other. " How many years have you been engaged in the Labrador fishery, sir V "Twenty-five." " You are, of course, perfectly conversant with the cod-fishery V " Perfectly. I know as much, if not more, about it than any man in Plymouth." Here Barkins pulled my coat, and most beseech- ingly said, — " Ask him " " Be quiet, sir, and do not interrupt me !" was the consolatory reply he received. *' Of course, then, after such long experience, sir, you know a cod-fish when you see it ?" c2 * 28 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, m ' M p' " I should think so !" ' " That will not do, sir. Will you swear that you do ?" '* I do not come here to be made a fool of!" *' Nor I either, sir ; I require you to answer yes or no. Will you undertake to swear that you know a cod-fish when you see it 2" "I will, sir." Here Barkins rose and struck the table with his fist a blow that nearly split it, and, turning to me, said, — "Ask him...." '• Silence, sir !" I again vociferated. '* Let there be no mistake," I continued. " I will repeat the question. Do you undertake to swear that you know a cod-fish when you see it 2" " I do, sir, as well as I know my own name when I see it." " Then, sir, how many fins has a cod, at a word ?" Here the blow was given, not on the deal slab of the table, but on my back, with such force as to throw me forward on my two hands. " Ay, floor him !" said Barkins, " let him answer that question ! The lawyer has you there ! How many fins has a cod, at a word, you old sculpin ?" " I can answer you that without hesitation." "' How many, then 2" " Let me see — three on the back, and two on the belly, that's five ; two on the nape, that's seven ; and two on the shoulder, that's nine. Nine, sir !" " Missed it, by Gosh !" said Barkins. " Didn't I tell you so 2 I knew he couldn't answer it. And yet that fellow has the impudence to call himself a fisher- man !" Here I requested the Court to interfere, and compel my unfortunate and excited client to be silent. " Is there not a small fin beside 2" I said, " between the under jaw and the throat 2" " I believe there is." ^ " You believe ! Then, sir, it seems you are in LIFE IN A COLONY. 29 as to throw rou are in doubt, and that you do not know a cod-fish when you see it. You may go; I will not ask you another question. Go, sir ! but let me advise you to be more careful in your answers for the future." There was a universal shout of laughter in the Oourt, and Barkins availed himself of the momentary noise to slip his hand under the table and grip me by the thigh, so as nearly to sever the flesh from the bone. " Bless your soul, my stout fresh-water fish !'" he said ; " you have gained the case, after all ! Didn't I tell you he couldn't answer that question 2 It's a great great catch, isn't it?" The plaintiffs had wholly failed in their proof. In- stead of contenting themselves with showing the voy- age and their services, from which the law would have presumed an assumpsit to pay wages according to the ordinary course of business, and leaving the defendant to prove that the agreement was a special one, they attempted to prove too much, by establishing a nega- tive ; and, in doing so, made out a sufficient defence for Barkins. Knowing how much depended upon the last address to the jury, when the judge was incompe- tent to direct or control their decision, I closed on the plaintiff's case, and called no witnesses. The jury were informed by the judge, that, having now heard the case on the part oi the plaintiffs and alsp on the part of the defendants, it was their duty to make up their minds, and find a verdict for one or the other. After this very able, intelligible, and impartial charge, the jury were conducted to their room, and the greater part of the audience adjourned to the neighbouring tavern for refreshment. The judges then put on their hats, for the air of the hall felt cold after the with- drawal of so many persons, and the president asked me to go and take a seat on the bench with them. *' That was a very happy thought of yours, sir," he remarked, " about the fins. I don't think another lawyer in the province but yourself knows how many 30 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, fins a cod has. A man who has travelled as much as you have, has a great advantage. If you had never been in England, you never would have learned that, for you never would have crossed the banks of New- foundland, and seen the great fishery there. But this is dull work ; let us retreat into the adjoining room, and have a smoke until the jury returns. They will soon be back, and I think I may venture to say you are sure of a verdict. You displayed great skill in that matter of the fins." Just as we were about retiring, our attention was arrested by a great noise, occasioned by a constable endeavouring to remove a turbulent and drunken fellow from the court. The judge promptly interfered, fined him five shillings for his contemptuous conduct, and directed the prothonotary to lay it out in purchasing a bottle of wine wherewith to drink the health of the Stranger Lawyer. Having settled this little matter to his satisfaction, he led the way to the anteroom, where pipes were provided, and the officer soon ap- peared with the wine and some glasses. Filling a tumbler, the prothonotary apologized for not being able to remain with us, and drank respectfriUy to the health of the Court. " Stop, sir !" said the judge ; " stop, sir ! Your conduct IS unpardonable ! I consider your behaviour a by way of tasting, *' is not fit for a gentleman to drink." " A very forward fellow that prothonotary !" said the legal dignitary, as the officer withdrew. " Instead of being contented with being the clerk of the court, he wants to be the master of it, and I find it necessary to keep him in his place. Only think of his confounded impudence in presuming to help himself first ! He would drink the millpond dry if it was wine, and then complain it didn''t hold enough ! For my LIFE IN A COLONY. 81 own part, I am obliged to be very abstemious now, as I am subject to the gout. I never exceed two bottles of late years, and I rectify the acic^ity of the wine by taking a glass of clear brandy (whiui I call the naked truth) between every two of Madeira. Ah, here is the brandy, lawyer ! Your very good health, sir— pray help yourself; and, Mr. Prothonotary, here's better manners to you in future. Seniores prioreSy sir, that's the rule." Here tLj constable knocked at the door, and an- nounced that the jury were in attendance. *' Don't rise, Mr. Sandford,'' said the judge ; " let them wait : haste is not dignified. Help yourself, sir; this is very good brandy. I always like to let them appear to wait upon me, instead of their thinking I wait upon them. What with the prothonotary tread- ing on my toes and the jury on my heels, I have enough • to do to preserve the dignity of the court, I assure yoi?. But Tempus prceterlabetur est, as we used to say a Cambridge, Massachusetts ; that is, John Adams, senior, and our class, for I was contemporary with that talented and distinguished — ahem — stingy rebel ! Help yourself, sir. Come, I won't leave any of this aqua mtw for that thirsty prothonotary. There, sir," he said, smacking his lips with evident delight, " there is the j^«M and ]\\Bfine. Now let us go into court. But give me your arm, sir, for I think I feel a slight twinge of that abominable gout. A dreadful penalty that, that Nature assesses on gentility. But not so fast, if you please, sir ! true dignity delights in otium, or leisure ; but abhors negotium^ or hurry. Haste is the attribute of a prothonotary, who writes, talks, and drinks as fast as he can, but is very unbecoming the gravity and majesty of the law. The gait of a judge should be slow, stately, and solemn. Buthere we are, let us take our respective seats." As soon as we made our appearance, the tumultuous wave of the crowd rushed mto the courthouse, and, surging backward and forward, gradually settled down to a level and tranquil surface. The panel was then 32 THE OLD JUDGE ; 0«, i"'' M called over, and the verdict read aloud. It was for the defendant. Barkins was not so much elated as I had expected. He appeared to have been prepared for any event. He had had his gratification already. " Old Lillum was floored,'^ the " knowing one had been nonplushed," and he was satisfied. He had a duty to perform, how- ever, which he did with great pleasure, and I have no doubt with great liberality. The jury were to be " treated," for it was the custom of those days for the winning party to testify his gratitude by copious liba- tions of bi-andy and rum. As soon as the verdict was recorded, he placed himself at their head, and led the way to the tavern with as much gravity and order as if he was conducting a guard of honour. As soon as they were all in the street, he turned about, and walking backwards so as to face them, and at the same time not to intemipt their progress to that mansion of bliss, he said, " A pretty fellow that Lillum, ain't he ? to swear he knew what a cod was, and yet couldn't tell how many fins it had, at a word ! Who would have thought that milksop of a lawyer would have done so well? He actually scared me when I first saw him ; for a feller that smokes cigars instead of a pipe, drinks red ink (port wine) instead of old Jamaiky, and has a pair of hands as white as the belly of a flat fish, ainH worth his pap, in a general way. Howsumdever, it don't do to hang a feller for his looks, after all, that's a fact ; for that crittur is like a singed cat, better nor he seems. But, come, let's liquor !" I did not see him again till the evening, when he came to congratulate me upon having done the hand- somest thing, he said, as every body allowed, that ever was done in Plymouth, — shown the greatest fish- erman in it (in his own conceit) that he didn't know a cod-fish when he saw it. " It was a great catch that, lawyer," he continued, and he raised me up in his arms and walked round the LIFE IN A COLONY. 33 room with me as if he were carrying a baby. *' DonH forget it, * How many fins has a cod, at a word V Yaw never need to want a half-pint of brandy while you have that fact to bet upon !" The next day I left Plymouth very early in the morning. When I descended to the door, I found both Robins and Barkins there, and received a hearty and cordial farewell from both of them. The latter en- treated me, if ever I came that way again, to favour him with a visit, as he had some capital Jamaica forty years old, and would be glad to instruct me in the habits of fish and fishermen. " I will show you," he said, " how to make a shoal of mackerel follow your vessel like a pack of dogs. I can tell you how to make them rise from the bottom of the sea in thousands, when common folks canH tell there is one there, and then how to feed and coax them away to the very spot you want to take them. I will show you how to spear shad, and how to strike the fattest salmon that ever was, so that it will keep to go to the East Indies ; and I'll larn you how to smoke herrings without dryin^ them hard, and tell you the wood and the vegetables that give them the highest flavour ; and even them cussed, dry, good-for- nothing all- wives, I''U teach you how to cure them so you will say they are the most delicious fish you ever tasted in all your life. I will, upon my soul ! And now, before you go, I want you to do me a good turn, lawyer. Just take this little silver flask, my friend, to remember old John Barkins by, when he is dead and gone, and when people in these parts shall say when you inquire after him, that they don''t know such a man as old John Barkins no more. It is a beautifiil article. I found it in the pocket of a captain of a Spa- nish privateer that boarded my vessel, and that I hit over the head with a handspike, so hard that he never knew what hurt him. It will just suit you, for it only holds a thimble-full, and was made a purpose for fresh- water fish, like Spaniards and lawyers, Good-by ! C 5 ( • 34 THE OLD JUDGE J OR, God bless you, sir ! A fair wind and a short passage to you !" I had hardly left the door, before I heard my name shouted after me. '* Mr. Sandford! — lawyer! lawyer...." It was old Barkins. I anticipated his object; I knew it was his old theme, — " Lawyer, donH forget the catch, * How many fins has a cod, at a word T " iff CHAPTER III. ASKING A GOVERNOR TO DINE. The arrival of an English steamer at Halifax, and the landing of a Governor-general for Canada, have formed an all-engrossing topic of conversation during the past week at lUinoo. In the winter season, when but few vessels enter the port, and during the period that intervenes between seed-time and harvest, when the operations of agriculture are wholly suspended, politics are ably and amply discussed, and very sapient conjectures formed as to the future, in those interest- ing and valuable normal schools for statesmen — the debating societies, taverns, blacksmiths^ shops, tap- rooms, and the sunny and sheltered comers of the streets. Every one, however humble his station may be, is uncommonly well-informed on affairs of state. A man who can scarcely patch the tattered breeches of a patriot, can mend with great facility and neatness a constitution, and he who exhibits great awkward- ness in measuring a few yards of riband manifests astonishing skill in handling the measures of a govern- ment. Indeed, provincials have a natural turn for political economy, as the Germans and Italians have for music ; and it is the principal source of amuse- ment they possess. If Lord John Bussell were to spend an evening at LIFE IN A COLONY. 85 the public room of the Exchange in this town, he would find such topics as the corn-laws, free trade, responsible government, and repeal of the union, dis- posed of to his entire satisfaction, in a manner so lucid, so logical and conclusive, that he could not fail to be both astonished and edified. He would be convinced that the Colonial Office should be removed from Down- ing Street, London, to Shark Street, Blueberry Sf^uare, lUinoo, where there are master minds capable of directing, reconciling, and advancing the complicated interests of a vast and populous empire. To such a zealous statesman discussions of this kind would, no doubt, be exceedingly interesting ; but, as thev are too deep and difficult for my comprehension, I prefer listen- ing to the graphic, though rather ascetic, " Sketches of Life in a Colony,'" by mv firiend Barclay : — Two such important and simultaneous arrivals, sir, he said, as those of a steamer and a governor, always create great interest in this country — the one for won- ders achieved, and the other for wonders to be per- formed. Indeed, they are so identified one with the other, that the reception and farewell they severally receive are precisely similar. The approach of both is regarded with intense curiosity, ana witnessed with great anxiety by the whole population, on account of the novelties they are expected to bring with them ; and both the great ship and the great man depart, so noiselessly and so quietly, as not even to disturb the dulness of that drowsy town Halifax, for, alas ! their sojourn here is a tale that is told. The formal land- ing and final embarkation of a Governor present such a singular contrast, that they are well worth de- scribing. As soon as it is known that this high functionaiy is on board, all the little world of Halifax rush with impetuous haste, like a torrent, into Water^ Street, and from thence through a narrow passage like an arched tunnel, down an abrupt declivity, to a long, narrow, dingy* ftnd unsafid whar^ the extremity of 4' I '•■, 1: m Si u V :' \ In fiiit- 3G THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, which is covered (with the exception of a footpath of about nine feet wide) by a low miserable shed, that is dignified with the name of the " Customs' Ware- house/' The whole of the surface of this dangerous place is crowded to excess, by a mixed and motleyed multitude of black and white of both sexes — porters, truckmen, and cabmen, vociferously demand or enforce a passage, while those on the outer edge, pressed to the extremity of the docks, utter loud screams of terror from the impending danger of instant death by drowning. Amid such a confused and moving throng it is not easy to distinguish individuals, but any one acquainted with the town can see that the heathen who worship the rising sun are there, and the Pharisees, who are waiters on Providence, the restless and the discon- tented, the hungry and needy place-hunters, and, above all, the seekers for position — not a safe position on the Quay, because, in such a crowd no place is safe — but for an improved social position, wnich the coun- tenance of the Governor is expected to confer. This holiday is claimed and enjoyed by the people and their leaders. There is no place allotted for persons of another class, and, if there were, they would soon be compelled to leave it by the intolerable " pressure from without." Many an anxious face is now illu- mined by expectations of better times ; for hope, like the Scottish fir, takes root and flourishes in a cold and sterile soil, that reuses nutriment to anything less vivacious. Far above the heads of the gaping multi- tude rises the huge Leviathan, the steamer, equally crowded with the wharf with strange-looking people, habited in still stranger-looking foreign costumes, staring with listless indifierence at the idle curiosity of the idle mob beneath. The descent from the deck, which is effected by a few almost perpendicular planks, without railing, hand-rope, or any security whatever, like the descent to the grave, is common to all, from the viceroy, wUti bis gay and numerous staff, to the LIFE IN A COLONY. 37 stoker with his sooty and cumbrous sack of coals, who, reversing the order of things, imparts more than ho receives. The thunder of artillery from the citadel and the flag-ship of the Admiral announce to the world the important event that the Governor has now landed ; and the national anthem from the band of the guard of honour, and the cheers of the free and enlightened citizens of Halifax, are the first strains of welcome that salute his ear. On his way to the palace he stops fcf a few moments at the *' rrovince Building," where, among the fashion, beauty, and gentry of the town, and surrounded by the executive councillors, he takes the usual oaths of office, and assumes the reins of Government. Legislative and civic bodies now present to him addresses, expressive of their heartfelt gratitude to their most gracious Sovereign for having selected, as a particular mark of favour to themselves, such a distinguished man to rule over them, which they cannot but attribute to their own unquenchable and unquestionable loyalty, and to the kind and good feeling they ever exhibitea to his predecessors. They do not forget to remind him that they have always felt as affectionately as they have expressed them- selves decorously towards every Governor of this pro- vince, none of whom they nave ever placed in a position of difficulty, or deserted when they found him so situated ; and conclude with an offer of their cordial and strenuous support. The Governor, on his part, a gentleman by birth and education, is much affected with this flattering reference to himself, and the kind and generous greet- ing with which he has been received. He naturally supposes that such respectable looking people mean what they say; and as they have, with a delicacy above all praise, made no mention of any difference of opinion among themselves, he augurs well of his suc- cess among a united population, whose leaders express themselves so well and feel so warmly. Touched by 38 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, ii It m Ill i iJ a behaviour that appeals directly to his heart, and unwilling to be outdone in such magnanimous conduct, he assures them that it will be his pleasure, a,U it is his duty, to co-operate with them in any measure that has for its object the benefit of the province; and that they may confidently rely upon his untiring efforts to develop th.. vast resources, both mineral and agricul- tural, of this interesting and beautiful appendage of the British Empire. As soon as these ceremonies are terminated, imme- diate reference is made by some of his new and sincere friends to the army list or peerage books for the pur- pose of ascertaining his services or his pedigree, but never, I am happy to say, for the credit of our popu- lation, for discovering some blot in his escutcheon, or some failure in his conduct wherewith to vilify or abuse him hereafter ; for such is the resource only of low and ignoble minds. But, alas ! colonial addresses are commonly but unmeaning compliments, and the promises of support they contain are always accom- f)anied by a mental reservation that a valuable equiva- ent is to be rendered in return. As soon as he finds it necessary to call for the fulfilment of this voluntary engagement, he finds to his astonishment that this harmonious and happy people are divided into two parties. Conservatives and great Liberals. What that term Conservatism means, I do not exactly know; and it is said that in England Sir Robert Peel is the only man that does. But in a colony it would puzzle that wily and cameleon-like politician even to conjec- ture its signification. I take it, however, to be an abandonment of all principle, and the substitution of expediency in its place ; a relinquishment of any political creed, and the adoption of a sliding-scale whereby tenets rise or fall according to popular pulsa- tion. Great Liberalism, on the other hand, is oetter understood, for it is as ancient as a republic. It rests in theory on universal suffrage and equal rights; but in practice exhibits the exclusion and tyranny of a majority. W LIFE IN A COLONir. The real objects of these two amiable and attractive i parties are so well masked under high-sounding words [and specious professions, that the limited period of gubernatorial rule is generally half expired before a stranger understands them. When, at last, he at- tempts to reconcile these conflicting factions, and to form a mixed government, that shall combine all the [great interests of the country, the Conservatives in- Iform him, in very moderate and temperate language, and with much complacency, that they are both able land willing to govern the province themselves, the [prosperity of which has been greatly advanced by their Iflound and judicious policy. They admit that they [have conferred several important appointments of late upon their own relatives, but entreat him to believe that affinity never entered into their consideration ; for, as they are the ^ est qualified themselves to form an administration, so are their connexions the most suit- able for public offices. At the same time, they pro- claim their extreme anxiety to carry out his views, and promote the peace and harmony of the country ; and, aa a proof of the great sacrifice they are willing to make, oner to him a resignation of one seat at the council board, which is attended with great labour and unaccompanied by any remuneration, and also one I legal appointment, to which the large salary of eighty pounds sterling a-year ia attached. The Great Liberals, on the other hand, with a vast display of learning (for they have some distinguished jurists among them), treat him to a long dissertation on the British Constitution, the principles of which they have derived, with infinite industry and research, from the notes of an American edition of **Black- stone'*s Commentaries,'* and inform him that they are ready to take office, if he will turn out all the present incumbents for their benefit, or create an equal number of situations of eauivalent value, to support them while thus engagea in their disinterested labours for the public good. They frankly state to him that work 40 SIW 4- 10' 1- THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, requires food, that they are sturdy men and have a good appetite, and, moreover, that bread and honey will not appease their hunger. He therefore finds himself, to nis amazement, in what the Americans with some humour, but more elegance, call " a con- siderable fix.*" But this is a painful subject, and I will not pursue it, for I have nothing in common with either Conser- vatism or Great Liberalism, which I believe to be mere modifications of *he same thing. I have done with rlitics long since. When I did think or talk of them, belonged to a party now nearly extinct in these colonies — the ffood old Tory party, the best, the truest, the most attached and loyal subjects her Majesty ever had, or ever will have, in North America. There are only a few of them now surviving, and they are old and infirm men, with shattered constitutions and bro- ken hearts. They have ceased to recruit, or even to muster for several years ; for who would enlist in a body that was doomed to inevitable martyrdom, amid the indifference of their friends and the derision of their enemies ? Hunted and persecuted by rebels and agitators, they were shamefully abandoned to their cruel fate by those for whom they had fought and bled, and whole hecatombs of them were at different times offered up as a eacrifice to appease the sangui- nary wrath of the infidel deities of sedition. Of late, they have enjoyed comparative repose, for they have neither influence nor numbers now to render them objects of proscription or insult. Let us, however, throw a mantle over these disgusting ulcers in the body politic, and amuse ourselves by shooting Folly as it flies. Let us pass over the intervening space of the Governor's rule. I have described to you his landing; we will now proceed to the wharf again, witness his embarkation for his native land, and mark the agree- able change. The steamer has arrived from Boston en route for England. She has no passengers for Halifax ; and a LIFE IN A COLONY. 41 few bagmen and a subaltern or two, whom nobody mows, are the only persons to be taken on k.oard. The •abble are not there, the Governor's patronage has been small, and he has not been able to find offices for every ipplicant. The naked have not all been clothed, and nany of the hungry have been sent empty away. They. »ave seen him continually; he is no longer a novelty; lis day is past, his power is gone, and they have now lothing to hope or receive from his bounty, and nothing ro fear or endure from his disapprobation. Groups of rentlemen and ladies, o:ay carriages containing many a amiliar face, heads oi departments, and the respect- ible part of the community (many of whom are per- sonal friends, and warmly attached to him), occupy the wharf, which now appears to afford sufficient space [for the purpose. Instead of the noisy and vulgar [cheer with which he was received, the tremulous voice, [the starting tear, the silent but eloquent pressure of [the hand, convince him that, if he has not received all the support that was so spontaneously and insincerely offered to him, he has secured more of affection and i regard than he could have expected in so short a time ; [and that his honest endeavours to benefit the country [have been duly appreciated by all those whose good )pinion is worth having. Such is the usual course of events here ; but some- times the same idle and turbulent crowd attend a iGovernor at his embarkation that honoured his arrival, f and when that is the case, and they form his exclusive escort, he has good grounds for self-examination, and he may, with propriety, ask himself what he has done to deserve such a degradation. Considering a Governor, apart from his political opinions, as the head of society at Halifax, it is amusing to hear the inquiries and conjectures as to the probable manner in which he will receive his guests, or whether he will contract or enlarge the circle of people to be admitted at the palace. There is no little anxiety among the mammas, to know 42 THE OLD JUDGE J OR, whether he is married or single, and who the persons are that compose his staff. The young ladies are not less interested in ascertaining whether he is likely to enliven the tedium of winter by giving balls, for* on this important subject, the practice has not been uni- form. Tradition has preserved, and affection has che- rished, the memory of dear old Governor Lawrance, who lost his life in the service of the fair sex, by over- exertion in attempting to fulfil a vow to dance with every young lady in the room. For this voluntary martyrdom, he has been very properly canonized, and St. Lawrence is now universally considered as the patron saint of all Nova Scotia assemblies. Among another class, there is an equally important inquiry: Will he dine out? On this point also, as on the other, there are many conflicting precedents, from Governor Parr, who preferred dining anywhere to being at home, to his Excellency Governor //»-par, who, in my opinion, very properly dined nowhere but at home. As the distributor of rank and patronage, and the arbiter of fashion, the course to be adopted by one who is to administer the affairs of the country for five years is a matter of great importance to people who are desirous of acquiring a position in society; for, until recently, any person whom a Governor coun- tenanced by accepting his invitation, became thereby a sort of honorary member of the higher class. My attention was first directed to this peculiarity many years ago, in the time of Sir Hercules Sampson. A merchant of the name of Channing, who had begun life with a small property, which, by ^reat industry, and a long course of upright and honourable dealing, he had increased into a large fortune, was very anxious that the Governor should impress the Tower mark of his approbation upon himself and his silver by dining with him. He had looked forward to this period with much anxiety for many years, and had built a large and commodious bouse, which he filled with rich and m LIFE IN A COLONY. 43 [expensive furniture. Upon the arrival of Sir Her- leufes, he waited upon him with slow and hesitating Isteps, and, according to the usual etiquette, solicited [the honour of his dining with him, and naming a time [for that purpose. The Governor, who was a conside- [rate, kind-hearted, affable old man, readily acceded to [his wishes, and proposed that day week for conferring [happiness upon him. Channing returned, with a lighter heart and quicker )ac^^, communicate the overpowering news to his jitai ^ ife. They were an affectionate and domestic joupi \ .lid had always lived in perfect seclusion. Ireat were the fears and many the conferences that )receded this eventful day. Poor Mrs. Channing was [ost in a sea of doubts and perplexities. None of her acquaintances were better instructed on these matters [than herself, for they were all in the same class of life, and equally ignorant of what she desired to be in- formed J when, hy great ^ood fortune, she discovered [an able counsellor and valuable assistant, well versed lin all the forms and usages of the royal party, in the (butler of a former viceroy. It was an anxious and trying week, and the longest, pn her apprehension, she had ever passed ; but weeks md months, as well as years, come to an end at last, md the long-expected and dreaded day had now irrived. Chairs were uncovered, curtains unfolded, jrates polished, and all the finery and bijouterie of the house displayed to the greatest advantage. Every jontingency had been provided for; every order given, [repeated, and reiterated, and her own toilet completed ; [when, fatigued, exhausted, and alarmed, she descended [to the drawing-room, and awaited with her husband [the awful announcement of her distinguished guests. |The hands of the clock appeared to be stationary. It was evidently going, but tney did not seem to advance. 1 The arrival of myself and several others, at the same I time, was a great relief to her mind, as it diverted her thoughts from her harassing anxieties. At laat, 44 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, heavy and long-continued knocks, like the rub-a-dub- of a drum, that made the side of the house vibrate, announced the approach of the Government-house party. In those days the magnetic telegraph of the door- bell had not been introduced into the country, and it is subject of great regret to all reflecting minds that it ever has been imported. It is one of those refine- ments that have debilitated the tone of our nerves, and, by depilvli^g them of exercise, rendered them so delicate, that they are excited and shocked by the least noise. Nor is the language it speaks by any means so intelligible as that which is uttered by that Eolished, deep-toned, ornamental appendage of the all-door, the good old brass knocker. At the same time that that intelligent watchman gave notice of an application for admission, it designated the quality ana sometimes the errand of the visitor. A timid, single beat bespoke the beggar, whoso impatience was very humanely allowed to cool while he was studving ^ the form of his petition. A stout, bold, single blow I announced a footman, who was immediately admitted for the nmtual privilege of an interesting gossip. An awkward, feeble double knock was proof positive that a poor relation or shabby acquaintance was there ; and a slow and reluctant attendance operated as a useful hint to wear better clothes, or carry a heavier purse in future. But there was no mistaking the sledge- hammer blows that made the door tremble for its panels, as it did at present. They had a voice of authority, a sort of bear-a-hand command, as sailors call it ; their tones were those of fashion, rank, and dignity. They were well understood, from the mis- tress, who fidgeted uneasily on the sofa in the drawing- room, to the lady's-maid, who flew from the servants' snuggery with the lightness and fleetness of a fairy to receive the Governor's lady and daughter, and ascer- tain with her own eyes wnether these divinities were decorated with ermine and diamonds, or only cat and LIFE IN A COLONY. 45 ^aste, as she had heard it whispered, with a con- temptuous sneer, by her confidant at the Admiralty- jouse. At last, the door flew open with such impatient laste as nearly to demolish a gouty foot that had pro- truded itself with careless ease within its fearful reach, md the servant announced Sir Hercules and Lady [Sampson, Miss Sampson, Lord Edward Dummkopf (and the Honourable Mr. Trotz (the two aides-de- jamp), and Captain Howard (the military secretary), [t was a large and formidable party from one house ; md the clatter of swords, and jmgle of spurs, and the rlitter of gold lace and epaulettes, and the glare of jcarlet cloth and blaze of jewellery, was quite over- )owering to the timid and unaccustomed senses of )Oor Mrs. Channing. The Governor was a tall, gaunt, iron-framed man, [with an erect and military bearing, that appeared to [increase a stature natuiallydisproportioned. His head [was bald ; the hand of Time, or of the Philistine woman his wife, having removed his hair, which gave a more striking appearance to an enormous nose that [disfigured a face which would otherwise have been [called handsome. His manner was kind without con- descension, and his conversation agreeable without Lumbug. Lady Sampson, had she not inherited a [large fortune, might have been supposed to have been [selected by her husband on that principle that so many men appear to make choice of their wives, f namely, for bemg the verv opposite of what they are themselves. She was a sJiort, but uncommonly stout person — unwieldy, perhaps, would be a more appro- priate term, and very vulgar. Her dress was a curi- ous and rather complicated mass of striking contrasts, which, notwithstanding her size, awakened the idea of an enormous salmon-fly. ** Rich and rare were the gems she wore," and from their dimensions, in excel- lent keeping with the circumference of her huge arms and neck. Her charms had been duly appreciated by u * ' ,y . i ^ t Iji. ■ li pi!! f r' it l-« ■ ft *^'i:.; .;!-• 46 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, her discerrJng husband when on duty with his .regi- ment at Birmingham; and her heart was besieged with such military skill and ardour, that she soon surrendered herself and her treasure at discretion to the conquering hero. Miss Sampson was an only child. Her glass, and the admiration of her friends, convinced her she was handsome ; her mother had informed her of her large fortune, and she saw the station, and knew the high reputation of her father. Unlike him, she was well proportioned ; and, unlike her mother, she was graceful. Her complexion, which once boasted of the pure red and white of England, had slightly suffered from the climate of the W est Indies ; the colour, like that of a portrait of Sir Joshua Reynolds, being some- what impaired. Youn^ and beautiful, it is not to be wondered at if she exhibited a little of the pride and haughtiness of a belle. She lisped a little, either naturally or affectedly, and *' danthed only with her own thett," or with a few officers of good family be- longing to the ** thixty-thixth" regiment, whom she condescended to honour with her hand. Still, though she talked more, perhaps, than was agreeable to colo- nial ears of her " own thett," it was evident she con- sidered herself among them, but not of them ; for, notwithstanding the rank of the gentlemen on her father's staff was superior to his own, which was merely local, she would sometimes speak of the aides with a slight curl of her pretty lip as "our daily bread." Lord Edward Dummkopf was decidedly the hand- somest man in Halifax ; which, considering that it contains a remarkably good-looking population of 25,000 inhabitants, three regiments, and the offi- cers of several men-of-war, is bestowing no small praise upon him. He was tall, rather slight, graceful, remarkably well got up, and had an air of fashion and elegance about him, which is alone acquired in that high and polished society of which he was such a distinguished member. He had a li LIFE IN A COLONY. beautiful head of xiJ.c^ " value of which was evi- dently well appreciated by e care bestowec :; n it ; also a moustacne and an imperial of the most approved form and unexceptionable colour. His pale complexion gave the idea of a poetical turn of mmd. His fore- head was high, though rather narrow, and slightly receding ; the oval of his face was well defined, but the centre was somewhat concave, which, to a critic, perhaps, would suggest the idea of the inside of a spoon. It did not, however, to a casual observer, im- pair its general beauty, which was illuminated by eyes so bright as to glisten, and ornamented with teeth of unrivalled whiteness. With respect to his talents, a physiognomist could be at no loss ; for it was evident that the brilliancy of his eyes arose from their peculiar texture, and not from that which usually produces animation. But this secret was well concealed from the world by his great reserve, for he was seldom heard to utter anything beyond " How very good !" a remark which every occurrence elicited. In one respect, lie evinced a little humour, by adding the syllable " bus" to words — as dogibus, horsibus, and catibus. So distinguished a man could not fail to have imita- tors ; and many a pretty young lady was heard to speak of her pin-a-bus, thread-a-bus, and book-a-bus, as Lord Edward says. Take him altogether, he was without a rival ^r personal appearance, if we except the exquisite drum-major of the oefore-named "thixty- thixth" reofiment, who divided the empire of hearts with the aristocratic lieutenant ; the one leading cap- tive the mammas and their daughters, and the other their maids. On entering the room, he bowed conde- scendingly, though somewhat formally, to Mrs. Chan- ning ; the inclination of the body being from the hip- joint like that of a wooden doll. The Hon. Mr. Trotz, on the contrary, was more distinguished for a form that exhibited a singular com- pound of strength and activity. He was *,he beau ideal of a light infantryman. He was the boldest rider, I M ■ ! 48 THE OLD JUDGE j OR, ill' • u ■ i: the best swimmer, the most expert pugilist and swords- man, an irresistible billiard-player, and the best shot in the garrison. His habits were temperate, which, with continued and systemat^'c exercise, enabled him to be always ready, or on hand, as he called it, for any- thing. He was a good economist, and understood how to make the most of the small allowance of a younger son. He sported the best-appointed tandem of any man in the place, which he kept jointly with another officer, who paid more than his share of the expenses, in consideration of being relieved from the trouble of using it. He had also a beautiful and very fast yacht, which he sustained upon the same friendly and equi- table terms. The Governor, perhaps, was not aware how admirably well calculated he was to aid him in conciliating the aflfections of the people; for, in his absence, he was very fond of informing colonists, for whom he had a profound contempt, how much he was interested in the Negroes and Indians of Nova Scotia, who alone could boast of purity of blood, and were the only gentlemen in it. He would inquire, with an in- nocent air, when the province first ceased to be a penal colony; and, when informed it had never been one, would affect great surprise, as he thought he could trace the debasing effects of the system in the habits and morals of the people. He was indignant at the local rank of Honouratle being conceded to people filling certain public offices, whom he called honourable carri- boos ; and requested that that prefix might be omitted in any written communication to him, lest he might be supposed to belong to such an ignoble herd. When he entered the room, he was evidently suffering from cold, for he proceeded directly to the fire, turned his back to it, and put his hands behind him to warm them. It was an advantageous position, as it enabled him to take a cool and leisurely survey of the company, and to be seen to advantage himself Captain Howard, the military secretary, was a phi- lanthropist, and a pious and zealous member of the Low LIFE IN A COLONY. 49 Church party. He was a distributor of tracts, and talked very eloquently and learnedly of such books as ** The Drunkard's Grave," '• The Sinner Saved," " The Peni- tent Thief," " Prodigal Son," and " The Last Dying Confessions of a Convict." He was a great enemy to private balls and amusements, and to public assemblies and theatres. The only pleasures to which he was in- dulgent were the pleasures of the table^ being a capital judge of wine, of which he drank freely. He abhorred beggars, whom he threatened to send to Bridewell, and orthodox clergymen, whom he devoted to a worse place- He disapproved of indiscriminate charity as encourag- ing idleness, and preferred seeking out objects for his benevolence to their obtruding themselves ; as it ena- bled him, when he gave a sixpence, to accompany it with that which was far more valuable, a long lecture. Some of the party, following the example of his Excellency, now took their seats ; but the Governor, who had sat down on a small ottoman near Mrs. Chan- ning, was restless and uneasy. At first, he drew him- self a little further forward, and then removed as far back as possible ; and, finally, rose up and turned to ascertain the cause of the inconvenience he had expe- rienced. He immediately exclaimed — " Good God, I have killed this cat ! Was there ever anything so awkward or so shocking f Mrs. Channing said the cat was only worsted. " Pardon me, he answered ; " I wish with all my heart it was only worsted, for then there would be some hope of its recovery ; but it is as dead as Julius Csesar!'^ " I raised it myself. Sir Hercules !" she continued ; "and...." " Oh, if you raised it yourself, madam, it must have been a pet !" he replied ; " and so much the worse for me. I beg ten thousand pardons ! It is quite dread- ful !" Mrs. Channing explained again — " It is only a bad piece of work, your Excellency, and I..,." D 50 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, M'^ i'! 'id ^1, '1 " A very bad piece of work, indeed !" said the in- consolable offender. ** Hut the truth is, my eyee have never recovered the injury they received in Egypt."" " It will rise again, I assure you, Sir Hercules! A good shake...." " Never ! never, my dear madam !" he persisted. " Cat though it be, if it had fifty lives instead of nine, it will never rise again !" Here Lady Sampson came to the rescue. Taking an enormous eye-glass set with brilliants out of her bosom, she examined the defunct cat, and pronounced it a most beautiful piece of rug-work ; and, on a nearer inspection, exclaimed — " But where did you get those beautiful eyes of yours, my dear Mrs. Channing ? and those bright and sharp claws ? They are the most magnificent I ever saw ! I used to thmk my eyes and Saws perfection, but they are not to be compared to yours ! Where in the world did you get them f '' At Stjrr and Mortimer's," replied the delighted hostess, who had spent so much time and valuable materials in this valuable employment. Lady Sampson was an enthusiast in the art, and pressed her friend to accept a pattern of a real Angola cat, which she would send her m the morning. It had, she said, a splendid tail, like that of a spaniel dog ; and a bushy tail was, in her opinion, one of the most beautiful things in the world. She then asked a lady who sat near her if she was fond of rug- work ; but she said she was sorry to confess her ignorance or awkward- ness, for she had never raised but one cat, and that she had killed in shaving. " How very good !" said Lord Edward ; " only think of shaving a little catibus !" But Trotz, who never lost an opportunity of being impertinent, asked her if it was tne custom in this country to shave cats ; and observed that it would be a capital employment for the young monkeys of the town, whom he had seen grimacing a few evenings ago LIFE IN A COLONY. 61 at a public assembly at the Masons' Hall. Lady Sampson, whose perceptions were none of the quickest, very gravely explained to him that shaving a cat was a term of art, and meant the close and uniform shearing of the irregular and protruding ends of the worsted. The door now opened, and several persons (not ne- cessary to enumerate or describe) were announced, among whom were the Bishop of the Isle of Sable, recently arrived from England on his way to his diocese, and Colonel Percy, of the ''thixty-thixth.'''' There was nothin;^ remarkaole about the former. One bishop is very Hkc another bishop. Their dress is similar, and their conversation generally embraces the same topics. You hear a little too much of what they are pleased to call church architecture, though why I could never quite understand ; and you are somewhat fatigued with prosy dissertations on towers, spires, transepts, galle- ries, and buttresses. This, however, is a matter of taste, and they have as good a right to select " church archi- tecture for their hobby, as a sportsman has his dog and his gun. He was, however, a new one ; and it is singular that these novi epucopi bear a still more striking resemblance to each other than the senior class do. Besides the never-ending topic just mentioned, which they have in common with all their brethren, they have a great deal to say about themselves — a subject no less interesting than the other. New dignity, like a new coat, is awkward and inconvenient. It is stiff and formal, and has not ^^ a natural set."*' Time takes off the vulgar gloss of both, and directs your attention from things that annoy yourself, and are apt to excite remark in others. They have also (I mean, colonial bishops) one grand object in view from the moment of their landing in a colony ; and that is, the erection of a cathedral so large as to contain all the churchmen of the province, and so expensive as to exhaust all the liberality of their friends ; and this unfinished monument of ill-directed zeal they are sure d2 !S2 TUE OLD JUDGE ', OR, ■'■J II I'll) 1„1 I.'.i I to place in a situation where it can be of no use whatever. His Lordship, Job Sable Island, as usual, had his model, his plans, and his subscription-list ; and, as usual, thougn warned that no suitable foundation for such a massive structure could be found on that enor- mous accumulation of sand, was determined to persevere and exhibit another melancholy instance of failure, to warn the Christian public how careful they should be into whose hands they entrust their donations. This, as I have said, was a characteristic of his order ; but there was one peculiarity that concerned himself as a man, and entitled him to my warmest sympathy. He had no doubt supposed, when he left his native land, that all he would have to do in his diocese would be to discharge the ordinary episcopal duties, onerous as they might be, and responsible as they undoubtedly are, but that there his labours would end. To his astonishment, however, he had not been ten days in Halifax before he found that he would have everything to do. He discovered that colonists, although natives of the country, and accus- tomed to its climate, knew nothing of either. They knew not how to build houses, or to warm or ventilate them, to cultivate their fields, clear the forest, or even how to manage their owa affairs. With a zeal that did his head and heart great honour, he resolved not to content himself with merely showing his people the road to Heaven, but also how to make, use, and enjoy roads on earth, while permitted to remain there. But there was one consolation to be drawn from his mis- fortunes, and that was, that time would lessen his labours ; for he who attempts to teach another that which he does not know himself, cannot fail to acquire some information in his endeavours to advance his pupil.' ' A bishop for any of the North American provinces should in all cases be selected from the colonial clergy, most of whom are natives, and all of whom are well educated ; while the great LIFE IN A COLONY. 5S Colonel Percy, of the " thixty-thixth," just men- tioned, was one of the most delightful men I ever mot ; cheerftil, humorous, filled with anecdote, weV -informed and woll-bred, he was, in reality, what Misa Sampson called him, a " hotht in himthelf." The guests having now all arrived with tiie exw j- tion of Captain Jones of the Navy, Channing was in great perplexity about ordering dinner. He would like to wait for the gallant captain, but the Governv was remarkable for his punctuality. What was t^ bu done ? He argued it over in his mind, for he never did anything without a sufficient reason. Jones was notoriously the most absent man in the service. He was as likely to forget his invitation as to remember it, and was sure to make some blunder about the hour; and time, tide, and Governors wait for no man. The dinner was ordered; and, when the folding- doors were opened, Channing, with a palpitating heart, offered his arm to Lady Sampson, and "onducted her to her place, while his Excellency honor, ri his better half in a similar manner. It waa a moment of pride majority, I am happy to say, are not only scholars and gentle- men, but pious, laborious, and most ( xemplary men. These persons, from their thorough knowledge of the state of the country; the habits, feelingfi, prejudices, and means of the people ; the peculiar relation subsisting between the rector and his parishioners, and the Church and Dissenters in this part of the world ; the extent to which episcopal authority ought to, or can be pushed with safety ; and many other things of no less importance, are infinitely better qualified than any English clergyman can possibly be (for this information can only be acquired from long experience, and, after a certain period of life, is very difficult to be attained at all). In other respects, to say the least, they are quite equal to the episcopal specimens we have been honoured with. I am quite aware that, in high quarters, where a better feeling should exist, and where it is most important they should be better informed, it is heresy to say colonial clergymen are not only qualified, but they are the most suitable persons to fill the higher offices of their profes- sion in their own country ; but magna eat Veritas* 5^ THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, ii m ^ and pleasure to them both. They had attained a long- cherished object of ambition. They had " asked a Governor to dine," and had thereby taken another and higher step in life. They were now people of " a certain position." Channing asked the bishop to say grace, but he had repeated that formulary so often for " the squire*" in Kent, when rector, that, now he was a lord of a manor himself, he was unwilling to perform the duty any longer, and bowed (or ratner nodded, for there is more palpable meaning in a nod than a bow) to his chaplain, who was but too happy to gratify his excellent friend and patron. The soup was capital, conversation became general, and everything seemed to be going on remarkably well ; but the hostess was dying with apprehension, for a critical part of the entertainment tad arrived, the thoughts of which had filled her with terror during the whole day. At the period I am speaking of, no person could venture to give a large dinner-party at Halifax (such was the unskilfulness of servants) without the assist- ance of a professional cook, a black woman, whose attendance it was necessary to secure before issuing cards of invitation. Channing had not forgotten to take this wise precaution ; but the artiste had pre- pared some side-dishes, of which, though she knew the component p^rts, she did not know the name. By the aid of a Housewife's Manuel, Mrs. Channing judged them to be *' Cotelettes k ritalienne," " Chartreuse d'un Salpi9on de Volaille," " Boudins ^ la Richelieu," " Quenelles de Volaille," " Croquets," &c. &c. ; but she was uncertain. They were too difficult to remem- ber ; and, if remembered, unpronounceable. She was afraid of having her knowledge tested and her igno- rance exposed by Trotz, who was noted for his mali- cious impertinence. Fortune, however, favoured her, and she owed her escape to the tact of a servant, who found himself in a situation of similar difficulty. The first of these mysterious dishes that he presented to [J--- LIFE IN A COLONY. 55 the troublesome aide, called forth the dreaded inquiry, *' What is the name of it V Equally ignorant with the rest of the household, he affected not to hear the question, withdrew the dish, passed on to the next person, and never offered him another until he found one he knew by name as well as by sight. The crisis was now passed, the lady's fever instantly subsided, and she breathed freer. At the mention of moose- meat. Lord Edward, to the astonishment of every- body, commenced a conversation himself, a thing al- most unknown before. He asked the young lady who had amused him so much by saying she had killed a cat in shaving, what the plural of moose was. " Mice," she replied, with great readiness. " Miceibus !'*'* he repeated. *' How very good V and relapsed again into nis usual taciturnity. The two fovourite wines at Halifax at that period were champagne at, and Madeira after, dinner. Trotz therefore, of course, voted them both vulgar, called them kitchen wines, and, when pressed by the host to take a glass with him, and asked which he would take, — " Anything but champa^e, sir," he said. Channing was shocked ; he had imported it himself, he had spared no expense, was a good judge of its quality and flavour, and he could not understand how it could be rejected with such evident disgust. He prudently asked no questions, but smiled, bowed, and talked to some one else. Miss Sampson observed to the bishop that Trotz was like a " thithle, he thcrathed tho thockingly !" Which was honoured with the usual remark from another person, " How very good !" Captam Jones now made his appearance, and a very odd one it certainly was. He was one of the most eccentric men in the navy. In roughness of manner and disregard of dress, he was of the old Benbow school ; in practical skill and science he was at the head of the modern one. He was so dreadfully absent 56 hi lil'V- .! It"-. fvi' ■t .: THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, that he unintentionally said and did the most awkward things imaginable ; and the only redeeming point in his absurd behaviour was, that it was entirely free from affectation. He was dressed in an old shabby frock-coat with a pair of tarnished epaulettes, his hands bore testimony to their familiarity with the rigging, and he had not submitted himself to a barber for two days, at least. He took his seat near me, and then for the first time appeared to be conscious that he was late for dinner ; but he applied himself without loss of time to remedy the defect. The arrival of such a man in such an attire naturally occasioned a pause, by attracting evenrbod/s attention to him. " Pray,'' said Trotz (who sat nearly opposite to us) to his neighbour, but loud enough to be distinctly heard, " wno is that old quiz ? Is he a colonist f " Captain Jones, of H.M. ship Thunderer, sir ; very much at your service !"" said the sailor, with a very unmistakable air and tone. Trotz quailed. It was evident that, though a good shot, he preferred a target to an antagonist, and wanted bottom. True courage is too noble a quality to be associated with swasrsferincr and insolent airs. (( How very good !" said Lord Edward. " Very,"" said the charming Colonel; "very good, indeed ! He may be an oddity, but he is a fine manly old fellow ; and your friend had better be cautious how he wakes up that sleeping lion.'' The Captain ate neartily, though rather incon- veniently slow, which protracted the removals, and kept us all waiting. It was a matter of business, and he performed it in silence. Once, however, he looked up, complained there was a draught in the room, and, drawing a soiled black silk cap with a long pendent tassel from his pocket, put it on his head, and resumed his employment. Although Mrs. Channing was un- acquainted with the names of many of her dishes, there was one she rather prided herself upon — a pud- ding, which, when the Governor declined, she pressed LIFE IN A COLONY. 51 upon his attention, saying, that she had made it her- self. This was too good an opportunity for Trotz to pass unnoticed ; he, therefore, begged Miss Sampson to partake of it, as the hostess had made it with her own hands : laying an emphasis on the latter words, which produced, as he intended, an involuntary smile. Ohannmg saw and winced under the ridicule, although he was unable to discover whether it was excited by the pudding or his wife. To make matters worse, Captain Jones, whose appetite was now satisfied, and who had only heard the word pudding, to which he had just been helped, added to their mortification by one of his blundering remarks. He said that it was capital, and that he had never tasted but one like it before, and that was in Mexico. " 1 went there,"" he said, " with the Admiral, to settle some little dlflference we had with the govern- ment of that country, and the President asked us to dine with him. What makes me recollect the pud- ding is his wife made it herself. He had two beauti- fiil daughters ; one about eighteen, and the other twenty years of age, who were covered with jewels of a size, brilliancy, and value far beyond anything I ever* saw in Europe. I asked him where madam his wife was. ' To tell the truth,** he replied, ' she is in the kitchen superintending the cookery for the dinner." " The Governor, with his usual tact and good-nature, turned the conversation to another topic. He adverted to his recent government in the West Indies, and was speaking of some very unreasonable request of the people, the refusal of which had made him very un- popular at the time. Jones, with his customary in- tention, thought he was speaking of some one else, and said : — " Your friend was a devilish lucky fellow, then, that they did not serve him as I once saw the Chinese punish one of their gods. They had been praying to him for rain for thirty days, and at the end of that period, seeing no appearance of a shower, they sent d5 I: ! f' =1 ' .•■fi P: ■t; lit-', ' til.t! i) . • ;:; :! -: i 58 THfi OLD JUDGE ; Oft, three of their mandarins to him and gave him a sound drubbing. Indeed it is a wonder that they did not Lynch him, as they did the Governor of Antigua in 1710. Colonel Park having rendered himself ex- tremely obnoxious, the whole white population re- belled, and, besieging his house, put him to death, and killed and wounded thirty-six people whom he had assembled for his defence."* " How very good !" said Lord Edward. Jones, to whom this remark had been several times applied, was somewhat in doubt as to its eauivocal meaning. He had already repressed the insolence of one aide-de-camp, and was quite prepared to avenge that of the other. "Gad, sir," he replied, "you would not have thought it is so very good if you had been there, I can tell you, for they hung his staff also !*" Then turning to me, he said, in an under tone,— " Who is that gentleman opposite, who did me the honour to call me an old quiz, for I intend to have the pleasure of making his acquaintance to-morrow ?" " T-r-o-t-z," I said, spelling his name, so that the familiar sound might not strike his ear. " Trotz ! Trotz !" he slowly repeated ; " does he enjoy the title of honourable ?" On my answering in the affirmative, he remarked, — " I know him ! he is a son of that old scoundrel. Lord Shoreditch, who sold his party and his reputa- * The Governor, Ensign Lyndon, and thirteen or fourteen soldiers, were killed on this occasion; and Captain Newel, Lieutenant Worthington, and twenty-six soldiers, wounded; besides a number of the Governor's friends, who were dread- fully beaten and bruised. On the part of the assailants. Cap- tain Piggot and thirty-two persons were killed or wounded. In the thirty-sixth volume of the "Universal History" (part Modem), page 276, a full account is given of this atrocious affair; it is also to be found in Bryant Edwards's "History of the West Indies." Not the least extraordinary part is, that no one was punished for it. LIFE IN A COLONY. 59 tion for a peerage, and the contempt of all mankind ! The reptile is beneath my notice !" Here there was a pause. To use the expressive language of the country, there was a thaw ; the sleighing had gone, and we had stuck in the mud, when an old servant of Ohanning's entered the dining- room, and, holding the door in his hand, either con- founded at the sight of such an unusual party, or waiting to catch the eye of his mistress, hesitated awhile, and then said, in a loud voice : — *' Bears has no tails, ma''am !" and very deliberately retired. There was something so comical in this unconnected and apparently useless piece of information that laugh- ter was irresistible. As soon as any one oould be heard, Mrs. Channing, with more coolness and self- possession than I had given her credit for, explained that as all sleighs were covered with furs, and of late decorated with the tails of foxes and other animals, she had thought in her simplicity that bears'* tails would admirably contrast with the grey wolf-skins with which her sleigh was clothed, and tor that pur- pose had sent the groom for a furrier to procure some, which caused this communication that ^^ bears has no tails." Having extricated herself so well !iOtii t' is awkward affair, she rose and retired, accompanied by Lady Sampson and the rest of the fair sex. As soon as we had resumed our seats, the Governor started as a topic of conversation the great improvement that had taken place of late years in the soldier's dress. He spoke of the inconvenient practice of using soap and flour on the hair ; of their absurd and useless queues ; of their troublesome breeches and long gai- ters, the care of which occupied the time and destroyed the comfort of the men, all which he illustrated by amusing anecdotes of the olden time. " I quite agree with you, sir," said Captain Jones ; " but there is great room for improvement yet, espe- cially in the dress of the medical men of the army. 60 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, l' 8' .1. What a monstrous absurdity it is to put these people in the uniform of soldiers, who have no fighting what- ever to do, and whose arms and accoutrements are emblems of a service they never perform ! If it is necessary for the sake of appearance that they should be habited like other officers, I would make their dress subservient to the objects of their profession. For instance, I would have the gold band that goes down the seam of their trousers to be gilt strips of diachylon plaster ; their spurs should contain lancets ; their scabbard a case of instruments instead of a sword, the handle of which should be a pliable syringe. I would give them a sabertash, and fill it with splints and bandages ; their sword-belt should be so constructed as to be made useful as a tourniquet, and their sash as a sling for a wounded arm. They might also have a cartouche-box, filled with opiates, pills, and styptics ; while the cushion of the epaulette might be composed of blisters and strengthening plasters. They would then be always ready ror immediate service, and would be provided on the spot for every emergency. I can- not conceive anything more perfect than this arrange- ment. With his library in his head, and his dispensary in his clothes, what more efficient man would there be in the service than a military surgeon V This very droll suggestion put every one in good humour, and was followed by some capital stories from the Colonel j until the Governor having passed the wine (for he was the first that curtailed the period spent over the bottle), Channing proposed that we should join the ladies in the drawing-room. The dinner had been a good one, though rather too abundant ; and the cook had introduced some dishes of her own that were new to the Government House party, and occasioned remarks that annoyed poor Channing excessively. Among these was one containing a number of small baked pears, the long and slender stalks of which were bent backward and extended the whole length of the fhiit. Lord Edward had asked permission to help Miss til :f: '±. \ " LIFE IN A COLONY. 61 Sampson to one of these baked mice, as he called them, to which they certainly bore a very striking resem- blance. " Mithibus ! Oh ! you ! thocking ! quithe !*" was her Notwithstanding this and other mortifications that he had endured, Ohanning was, on the whole, elated and pleased. He knew that a man who steps out of his proper sphere in life must inevitably provoke ridi- cule, and although good breeding may suppress it in his presence, it cannot fail to find vent at his expense aftei-wards. He remained behind in the dining-room a few minutes. His property had been acquired by care and economy, and could only be preserved by the same means. He was now enabled to be liberal, but liberality does not necessarily include extravagance ; he therefore locked up the wine and the dessert, and then followed his guests into the drawing-room. Here the attention of the company was engrossed by a beautiful and precocious little bloy, the child of his eldest daughter, who was then living at Bermuda with her husband. The moment he saw his grand- father (which word he had abbreviated into Danny), he ran up to him, and claimed the reward of his good behaviour. It was evident he had been drilled and bribed into silence upon the subject of the defect in the feice of Sir Hercules, for he said — " Danny, give me the orange you promised me, for I did not say the Governor had a great big nose." Even the terror of his relatives and the politeness of the company were overcome by the absurdity of this remark. Every one laughed, and among the rest none more heartily and good-naturedly than his excellency himself. " Come here, my little man," he said ; " it is a very big nose, a very big nose, indeed : but it has had too many jokes cracked upon it not to be able to bear another from such a pretty little boy as you." As the Governor advanced the little rcllow receded, 62 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, I : until his progress was stopped by the corner of the room. His terror now became insupportable, and he called to his grandfather for assistance. " Kick him, Danny !'' shouted the child. " Throw a stone at him, Danny ! Make the dog bite him, Danny !" He then threw himself on the floor, and kicked, and screamed most furiously, until he was carried out of the room by the nurse. " How very good !" said Lord Edward. " Capital, by Jove !" said Trotz. But Miss Sampson, knowing the unfortunate cause of it all, thought " it wath thockmg." Lady Sampson, who prided herself upon her sing- ing (as every one does upon what they cannot do), was now induced to take a seat at the piano and favour the company with a song, which she executed, if not to the delight of all present (for her voice was very false), at least to her own entire satisfaction. I have often observed, that most people, however pleased they may be with themselves and their own personal appearance, pre- fer to sing of beings and characters wholly different. A f)ale, consumptive, diminutive-looking little man, de- ights in the loud and rough song of a sailor or pirate, that speaks of thunder, and forked lightning, and moun- tain waves. A grenadier-sort of person idolizes little Cupid, and wishes to be thought to resemble him. If asked for a song, he begins — Tm the Cupid of flowers — A merry light thing ; I'm lord of these bowers, And rule like a king. There is not a leaf Ever thrilled with the smart Of Love's pleasant grief, But was shot through the heart. By me — by me — little mischievous sprite, Kindling a love-match is all my delight. Stout and well-developed women warble of elfs, sylphs, and beings of aerial lightness. -v y-\ LIFE IN A COLONY. 63 The Governor's lady, under the influence of this in- scrutable law, sang — Thine ear I will enchant, Or, like a/airy, trip upon the green-— and one or two others of a like nature, and was loudly applauded ; for a little gubernatorial circle at Halifax has its courtiers and parasites as well as that of the Tuileries or Buckingham Palace. After this magni- ficent display of taste and talent. Miss Sampson fol- lowed the great enchantress. She would have liked to have sung Italian, as most young ladies do who neither understand the language nor know the pronun- ciation, for thoy very properly imagine they can giv« a grcator effect to it on tnat account, and, besides, there is something beautifully mystical in the strains of an unknown tongue ; but Lord Edward was a judge of music, and always applauded her singing : she tnere- fore appealed to him to select a song for Tier. " Oh, that charming little songibus," he said, " you sing so sweetly, so divinely. It begins, ' Sing me those gentle strains again. ' " Sweetly and divinely are strong but most agreeable words when applied to one's voice. She was pleased, and consoled tor having given up the horrid Italian, and began, ** Thing me thothe gentle thtrains again." With the exception of the air of absurdity given to it by lisping, she sung it tolerably well, for ladies gene- rally do well when they are pleased. " How very good V said his Lordship. " Thank you, thank you— it is exquisite ; but there is a beau- tiful little songibus called ** Sing me those strains again.' Would you &vour us with that T' Miss Sampson looked at him to see what he meant, but, alas, the unalterable face told no tales ! Cold, and bright like moonlight, it wore its usual calm and in- teresting expression. Still it was very odd, she had just sung it; but then he always expressed himself oddly. Was he quizzing her, or was he really so pleased as to desire to hear it repeated I Sweet-tem- 64 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, ■ 1 ! tk : i ::-l : '4 ' ; ' i ■ : t pered young ladies, like Miss Sampson, gene! ]\y adopt that interpretation where they can tliat is most agree- able to their wishes ; and she sung it over again in her best manner, and with very good effect. " How very good !" he said, approvingly ; '* but, ah, pray don't leave us yet ! It is quite refreshing to hear such sounds. There is a little songibus 1 think I heard you once sing ; it is a beautiful thing." ** What is it ?" said the delighted fair one, looking up at her gallant and charming friend, and at the same time executing a chromatic run on the piano, " What is it?" " Perhaps I can recollect it. It begins, * Sing me those gentle strains again.' " Her eyes became suddenly dim, there was a total eclipse of those beautiful orbs, and for a moment she was in utter darkness, she was so near fainting. There could be no mistake now, he had not heard a word of it ; and was so completely absorbed in contemplating himself in a large mirror, that he had even forgotten the phrases of unmeaning compliment he had so me- chanically used. Exerting herself to conceal her vexa- tion, she rose and returned to her seat. This painful disclosure of total indifference had dissolved in an in- stant some little airy fabrics her imagination had been rearing during the past year ; and what rendered it the more provoking wais, that the slight was offered in public, and by one of ner own " thett. ' The Bishop, meanwhile, had taken but little part in the conversation. The topics were new to him, and he was thrown out. Now he made an effort to draw it towards the subjects that filled his heart, namely, himself and his projects. He described the agreeable voyage he had made with Captain Jones from England, extolled his kindness in offering to land him at the Isle of Sable, and expressed his wonder that clergy- men should in general be so unpopular with sailors. " I will tell your Lurdship," said the Captain. *' I am inclined to think, although you are better informed on these subjects than I am, that Jonah must have LIFE IN A COLONY. u been a very troublesome passenger befoi such cood- natured fellows as seamen would have handled him so rouo-hly as to throw him overboard. But, talking of tlie^Islo of Sable, reminds me of what I ought to have mentioned to your Lordohip before, that we sail for tliat charming little island — that Paradise of the Gulf Stream, that scene of primitive innocence, to-night, at eleven o'clock. If you will be on the King's Wharf at half-past ten, sharp, with your traps, 1 will have some of my * little lambs' there to attend you. I will answer for their being there at that moment, for they know I am the most punctual man in the world." The Bishop was disconcerted. It was a short no- tice — too short, indeed, to be at all agreeable; but occentrieity knows no limits, and recognises no laws : so, making the best of it, he departed with his friend^ who took his leave contrary to all colonial etiquette, A'hich restrains any one from retiring until the Gover- nor sets the example. '' What a very odd man Captain Jones is !" said his Excellency. "Very," replied the Colonel; "but, at the same time, he is one of the most valuable oflScers in the service, although I confess his indulgence to his men is sometimes very perplexing to his friends. He is an exact and rigid disciplinarian, but shows them every kindness compatible with a strict observance of duty. He calls them ' his lambs,' and they are allowed to come on shore in very large parties, and have got up a very pretty quarrel with my fellows. Sometimes the soldiers charge them, and drive them into their boats, but oftener thoy have the best of it themselves ; yet, in all cases, he complains that those dare-devils (his lambs) have a hard time of it, and are ill used. Eccentricity is often the accompaniment of great talent, and that is the reason so many blockheads affect it. His, however, is genuine, although he is not to be compared, in that respect, with a gentleman of my acquaintance in one of the adjoining provinces. I took ee THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, Hhelter from a thundor-Bliower one day in a country inn, to which others had fled for the same purpose, and, among the rest, one of the most eminent men of the bar of the colony. Every one was tired and bored to death by the continuance of the rain, but he was at no loss for amusement. He made a small bow of whalebone, and, procuring a large needle (which the landlady called a daniing-needle), for an arrow, he put on a pair of spectacles, and commenced shooting mos- 3uitoes, as thev flew by or about him, to the great anger and infinite annoyance of every one in the house. I never saw a more eager sportsman, or one more delighted when he made a good shot. His shouts of laughter came from his very heart." Here the conversation was enlivened by a very ab- surd incident. Among the guests was a rough old Commissary-General, who was exceedingly deaf. A merchant, a vulgar acquaintance of Channing, taking pity on his infirmity, sat down beside him for the purpose of talking to him. The old gentleman, taking up his trumpet, asked his friend why his wife was not of the party. *' One pf 'our brats' is ill," replied the merchant. *' Then I know how to pity you," said the Commis- sary. " They are a great nuisance ; I am plagued to death with them, I have so many." " It has the croup," answered the other, raising his voice. "A coop!" replied the deaf man; *'that is not a bad idea, if you could only manage to coax them into it, but I never could." " They have nearly eat me out of house and home." " How shocking !' said the other, in great amaze- ment. " Shocking, sir !" he continued, becoming ani- mated with his subject : " there never was anything like it in the world. But TU tell you how to get rid of them quietly. Don't use arsenic, because you might poison yourself, but steep some bread in prussic acid, and give them as much of that as they can eat, and # LIFE IN A COLONY. 67 you will soon find a difference in your baker's and butcher's bill, I can toll you/' " What in the world," asked the merchant, with un- feigned astonishment, " are you talking off *' Rats, to be sure," was the answer. " And I was telling you," rejoined the other, slowly, distinctly, and loudly, '* tliat one of my children had the croup." The effect was electrical ; everybody was convulsed, except the unruffled aide-de-camp, who contented himself with merely observing — " How very good !" Here the (Governor's sleighs were announced, which was a signal for the breaking up of the party. The play was now concluded, and the actors withdrew to their homes; but there was an afterpiece enacting elsewhere, the humour of which was broader than was agreeable, either to the host or his i^uests. Channing escorted his company to the hall, where were deposited their cloaks and wrappings, but led the Governor and his staff into his study, where they had disrobed. The door, though shut, was not closed suf- ficiently for the action of the lock, and, pushing it open, he found to his amazement another "thett," enjoying themselves infinitely more than that which had been assembled in the drawing-room. The black cook had belted on the Governor's sword, and decorated her woolly head with his military hat and plumes, which she wore iauntingly and saucily on one side, while three black, supernumerary servant-men, who had been hired for the day, having mounted those of the two aides and the military secretary, were dancing a reel, with their arms akimbo, to the great amuse- ment of a boy, who hummed a tune, in an undertone, for them, and beat time with his fingers on the crown of his master's hat. So wholly engrossed were they with their agreeable pastime, that they did not imme- diately notice our entrance. I shall never forget the appearance of the cook when she first discovered us. i; I |i . THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, She stood instantly still in her dancing attitude, her feet widely extended, and her fists resting on her hips, as if suddenly petrified. Her eyes enlarged rapidly in size, while all the colour fled from them, and they assumed the appearance of two enormous pieces of chalk. Her mouth, which was partly open, exhibited i* long transverse streak of ivory ; and the strong con- trast of black and white in her face would have been extremely ludicrous, had it not also been very fearful. Her nostrils, like those of an affrighted horse, ex- panded themselves to their utmost extent ; and respi- ration and animation seemed wholly suspended, when she suddenly sprang up from the floor, perpendicularly, nearly two feet, and screamed out — " Gor-ormighty ! de Gubbenor !" Instantly the hats flew, with the rapidity of shuttle- cocks, on to the table, and the usurpers of the trap- pings of royalty sought safety in immediate flight. but the poor cook, in her hasty and discomfited re- treat, forgot the sword, and, stumbling over it, pitched forward, and struck with great violence against the stomach of Trotz, whom she overthrew in her fall, and rendered speechless from the weight of her body, and nearly insensible from the concussion of his head against the marble column that supported the mantel- piece. A shout of laughter from every one present followed this summerset, in which the voice of the good-natured Governor was most conspicuous, for there is but little use in having aides-de-camp living at your expence, if you cannot occasionally enjoy a joke at theirs. Even Lord Edward smiled at the ignoble overthrow of his coadjutor, and said — *' How very good V Trotz was seriously injured, and, for awhile, unable to recover his breath, and, of course, even to attempt to rise, or to remove the superincumbent weight of the unsavoury cook ; while the unfortunate and affrighted woman, catching the contagion of the general laugh, was seized with hysterics, and grinned horribly over LIFE IN A COLONY. 69 the prostrate Tartar, whom she had so unwillingly made a captive. The first intelligible ejaculation of Trotz was, that he was poisoned ; and he called, with many oaths and imprecations, for instant aid to preserve his life. This onh^ excited fresh merriment, and awakened anew the almost convulsive shrieks of the sable artiste, who, meanwhile, refreshed her nearly inanimate victim with the balmy air of a breath redolent of gin and raw onions, with which she supported her strength and spirits on days of great exertion like the present. Poor creature ! though deeply versed in the mysteries of her art, she was not well read. Her knowledge was derived from experience, and not from books ; and she knew not that owift had cautioned cooks — '''• But lest your kissing should be spoiPd, The onion must be throughly boil'd." A blow on the ear from the unmanly fist af the prostrate aide-de-camp operated like a draught of water on spasmodic hiccup; it cured her hysterics immediately, and restored her to her senses. Raising herself on her knees, which in her haste she planted on his stomach, and again nearly endangered his life, she arose and fled from the room. Trotz now managed to get upon his feet, and, putting one hand to the back of his head, made the agreeable discovery of a large contusion, and the other to his hip, was not less an- noyed to find a rent of sufiicient size to adinit of a far freer action of his limbs. The presence of the Governor repressed the repetition of language that had already shocked the religious ears of Channing, but he rendered his indignation quite intelligible by signs and low mutterings. After enveloping himself in his cloak, he drew out a cambric handkei chief, and f (laced it over his head, and then, taking up his hat, ooked at it and shuddered (as a man labouring under hydrophobia does at the sight of water), and arranged it so that it should not contaminate his hair. As soon 1,4 11 mi' ! I THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, as the Goveraor descended the steps and was out of hearing, Trotz, before he left the hall, said aloud— " Dummkopf, this is too bad ! If the Governor chooses to perform a part in the vulgar farce of Ilifjfh Life Below Stairs, to make himself popular, you may attend him if you like, but I won't/ '* How very good !" were the last words of the party heard within the walls of the mansion that night. Channing, though he could not help laughing at the absurd scene in the study, was hurt and mortified at the occurrence. He felt that it might be told to his disadvantage, and subject him to ridicule ; but he con- soled himself with the reflection that it was one for which he was not answerable, and might have hap- pened anywhere else. It was also a comfort to him to think that Trotz was the only man injured by it, and that it might be considered not an inapt retribu- tion for his insolence. On the whole, he was gratified, not at the occurrences of the day, but that the day was over, and an important ohject gained, and a dis- agreeable duty performed. He know that he who passes securely over the shoals and the alarming eddies of a rapid and dangerous river, has more reason to rejoice at his safety, than grieve over any little dama^^e his bark may have sustained. He tlierefore returned to the drawing-room with a ctieerful face. Both himself and his wife breathed freer, like people relieved from the weight of an op- pressive burden. Patting his wife affectionately on her shoulder, hn said — "Well. 13eV,y, notwithstanding some blunders and mistake; ! *hiuk it went off very well, on the whole, as lawroi iioynard said, when he returned from the funeral oi Jiis wife." Then, passing his arm round her waist, he ob8«'rv(3d to me (whoni he had requested to remain) — " Doesn't she look well to-night, Barclay? I never saw her look better since the day we first.. 11 LIFE IN A COLONY. 71 " Don't talk foolishly, Channing !" said his partner, disen'^'>rm. The name, the age, and the date of his ci^^ath, are minutely and accurately entered. If he hfis filled an t^lce of importance, or belonged to a learned profession, or servea in the As- sembly, and, above all, if he has been a member of the Upper House of the Legislature, and borne the title of Honourable, it is recorded at large; while, on the other hand, if he has derived his support from an honest trade, the dishonest tombstone refiises to mention it, lest it might wound the aristocratic feelings of his aspiring posterity. " It IS said that truth is to be found in the wine-butt and the depths of a well. If revealing the secrets o ;' others be truth, wine may be the element it loves. want of the common necessaries of life, than from a decay of nature; and has left a Avidow and seven daughters to subsist (if they can) upon the pitiful pension of a lieutenant's widow— a lieutenant of forty-one years ! I '" LIFE IN A COLONY. 75 The well can only give it when exhausted, and then the fact it has to communicate is found to be scarcely worth the trouble of the search, namely, that the well is empty. Wherever it is to be sought for, one thin*^ is certain, it is not to be found on a tombstone. The broken-hearted husband who erects a monument to record his inconsolable grief for the loss of his wife, ere one short year has passed, or the sound of the sculptor''s mallet has ceased, refutes the pompous false- hood by a second marriaae ; and eyes as bright and voice as sweet as those tnat are closed by death se- duce him into a disavowal of his own words, ' Here lieth the best of wives,"" and compel him to acknowledge ' Here the husband lies/ The disconsolate widow whose attections are buried in the grave of her dear hus- band, near whom she desires soon to repose in death, feels her heart reanimated with the genial warmth of returninj^ spring. It rises from the earth with the primrose, snakes oflf its wintr;y torpor, and re-appears with renewed life and vigour after its short seclusion. The admired of all admirers no longer refuses to be comforted. The churlisli miser receives the homage of insincerity from his heir even after death, when his cold and mouldering ear can no longer listen to its flattering accents. A chaste and beautiful allegorical tigure of Affection is seen weeping over his urn, which rests on a pedestal that resembles a money-chest ; you are lost in doubt whether the tears so copiously shed are caused by unexpected legacies to others, or by the protracted delay of possession. This is a double fraud. It represents the dead as worthy of love, and the living as capable of loving. It is not gratitude, but a decent observance of a hypocritical custom. " But why are men so shocked at the mention of that .n a tombi'to^ which the deceased published thro!jo:ho^3t; his life to. jSi the world! In this church- yard, iruaserouH a:5 the graves are, no man is designated as mi; r barber, butcher, b&^ker, or shoemaker; yet, do!ihileHs, there are scores of each who placed these e2 m •i:;i 76 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, ominous and forbidden words on their signs in the lar<^est letters, and the most attractive and conspicuous form. There is, indeed, one exception, if such it can be called. This marble was erected to a man who is described as ' a servant,' but it was raised at the ex- pense of 'a friend,' that styled himself his master, who, in enumerating his excellent qualities, has not forgotten to proclaim his own liberality, nor been ashamed to inform us that he has expended more money in extolling his services than in rewarding them. It has been said that the ^rave knows no distinctions. The rule is now reversed, it seems. All are not re- duced by it to a level, for the level is on a summit, and all are elevated to it. Be it so ; but then strike out all your degrees, your D.D.'s, your M.D.'s, the words Judge, (jouncillor. Barrister, Esquire, and let the rank of the dead be uniform. Of all places in the world, a graveyard, at least, should be consecrated to truth. As it is, it seems devoted to flattery, vanity, ambition, ostentation, and falsehood. All sects retain their peculiarities here, and endeavour to perpetuate them. A little more taste, and a little more expense in the monument (but with a contemptuous disregard of veracity in its record), indicate that a churchman is deposited there (for the Church in the colony embraces the greater part of the upper class of society). A neat, plain, substantial one, with the modest assurance that the soul of the deceased was immediately conveyed to heaven, proclaims the saint to have been a Dissenter. " The common Christian emblem of the Cross is more in use anions Romanists than others, but you may identify them hj their pious horror of Protestants. It would be dangerous to be found in such bad com- pany, for the Pope has declared they cannot be saved ; and who can question such high authority I They, therefore, very wisely lie apart from the dust that is polluted by heresy. If you are still in doubt, read one of the inscriptions, and a scrap of Latin sets the matter at rest. It is an appropriate tongue, for it is LIFE IN A COLONY. 77 " a dead language/'' In this curtilage, then, which is the common burial-place of all, sectarianism and fashion have found their way and offered their distinctive ' badges to their followers. The highway of life has been extended into the churchyard, and is thronged in its usual manner. Here are the handsome equipages and expensive trappings of the rich, the sobriety of the middle classes, and the destitution of the nameless and unknown poor. The scale of colonial precedence sur- vives mortality. The mitred bishop still regards, with a condescending and patronising air, the poor curate ; and the grocer looks down from his marble monument upon his quondam labourer with his turf covering, and maintains his relative position in the society of the dead. The iron railing ooasts of its quality and dura- bility, and regards with pity or contempt the temporary and trumpery wooden enclosure. The classic urn ap- peals only to the hearts of scholars, and the bust to the man of taste ; while all look up to him who represented his King, and whose titles are almost as long as his eulogium — the old Governor — the foun- tain of honour, and the distributor of patronage and of rank. " Amid all this vanity — here and there is to be found some consistency — the antiquated virgin pre- serves her acidity of temper to the last. She is one of those of whom vulgar people so idly and flippantly predict ' that they dry, but never die."* Accustomed to hear such agreeable compliments, she anticipates the sneer or the smile of youth upon finding the word 'Miss^ associated with seventy-four years of age ; and as in life she maintained the privilege of the last word, so in death she claims a right to the first ; and youth and beauty are admonished that ere long they must undergo the penalty of the law of their nature, and be humbled in the dust like herself. She thus avenges the slights and injuries of an unfeeling world, and, consistent to the last, evinces her fondness for dis- agreeable truths. 78 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, *' The houses of this silent ''ity are of various sizes. Th ^re are fashionable squares, there are streets of less pretension, and there are suburbs that are but little frequented, for they are the abodes of the lower orders. If you must dwell among the latter, it would be best to preserve a strict incognito. A mansion in St. Giles's would prove your liabits to have been dissolute, your associates depraved, and your means exhausted. li would disgrace your posterity for ever. A respect- able address is a letter of credit, but the occupant of mean lodgini;^ is cut by his acouaintance and disowned by Wi6 ffimily If you would be regarded as a gentle- nian, you must associate with fashionable people, and reside among them. The churchyard, strange as it may seem, is a true but painful picture of life — osten- tation without, corruption within ; peace and quiet on the surface, but the worm at the heart. Ah, poor human nature ! your last resting-place, the grave, would be eloquent, if you did not stifle its voice. Do not read these inscriptions, my friend," he continued, " there is no dependence to be placed on anything but the figures ; the tale they tell is not true. But come with me, and I will show you a grave that bears that upon it that carries conviction to the heart." On a little mound, in a distant comer of the churchyard, was a grove of spruce-trees, enclosing a verdant spot of small dimensions. Here was a soli- tary grave, having at the foot a common field-stone to mark its termination ; and, at the head, another of the same kind, one side of which was dressed with a chisel, and bore the inscription " Mary Merton, 1840." The whole of this little plat and was enclosed by a rough rustic railing, havii mall gate for the purpose of access. The grave wajs not covered with sods, but decorated with patches of forget-me-not and other simple flowers, emblematical of tne feeling and the object with which they were placed there, and was encircled by white rose-bushes. At the upper LIFE IN A COLONY. 79 part of the enclosure, but outside of tl lailing, stood a weepin<' willow, the light pendont ry of which fell Hke the dishevelled hair of a ino» t n whose head was bending over the body it loved ^^A lamented. The little spot was kept in perfect order, and tended with the most careful neatness. " There, sir !" he said, " there, at least, is truth. That simple and natural embellishment is the votive offering of a poor widow to her only child. Those flowers are weeded by her hands, and watered with her tears. Where is the sting of death, or the victory of the grave, when, like that little innocent and helpless victim, the dead survive decay, and rise again to dwell in the hearts and affections of the living ? It is re» freshing to see simplicity and truth amid so much that is false and unnatural. This is a strange world. Take man individually, and there is mucn that is good and amiable in him ; but take men collectively, and they are always rapacious or unjust. Parties are but combinations, under plausible pretences, to deceive the people ; public departments are stern and cruel ; governments are ungrateful ; patronage is either blind and cannot distinguish, or selfish and capricious. A man who serves his country with ability and zeal is too apt to find at last, to his cost, that his country, like a corporate body, has neither a soul to think, a heart to feel, a head to remember, or a spirit of liberality to reward." "Oome, come, my friend," said the Judge, well knowing the cause of this bitter ebullition, " you have too much reason to complain, I fear, to do so calmly. Let us not enter into these speculations on this day and in this place. Let us rather yield to the influence of the objects around us. I, too, am fond of this spot for the lasting affection it exhibits. Fathers may for- get their offspring, and children lose the remembrance of their parents ; nusbands and wives may be replaced, and brothers and sisters be to each other as strangers and even as foes, but the love of a mother endureth V <^,i/- 0"A'V ^, IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 «3t |2j8 1 2.5 1^ 11 2.2 £«.! 1.1 f.-^l^ Ii4 1.25 I 1.4 Ta V Photograpbic Sciences Corporation 4v ^•\ ^ •ss <^ 33 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. 14580 (716)873-4503 ^ «- cS\ 80 THE OLD JUDGE J OR, ■lit'. If- V' for ever. A father supplies the wants of his child from his purse, a mother from her bosom. Even the grave itself cannot extinguish her devotion. She mourns over her deceased infant in solitude and in silence. It is always before her. Its voice is in her ear, and its smile is in her heart. Memory raises up the little idol to her admiring eyes by day, and the too vivid dream reanimates it by night. Her maternal affections regard it as a living being, and she longs to fondle and embrace it, while the divinity within her sympathizes with it as celestial, and in- vests it with the attributes of a ministering angel. She holds strange and mysterious communings with it, for love such as hers has an ideal world of its o^vn. Her wounded spirit flutters against the barriers of its human prison, and strives to escape and join that which has ^ put on immortality ;* and at last, when wearied with its ineffectual struggles, it yields in timid submission to the law of its nature — it indulges the hope that that which is imperishable may be per- mitted to revisit the object of its love, and illumme, by its mystical presence, the depths of its gloom. Her grief, therefore, produces at last its own solace, and she cherishes it with an humble but a firm reliance upon the mercy and goodness of God, that her child shall be fully restored to her in another and a better world, where they shall dwell together in unity for ever. '* There is something, as you say, about this little grave that is very attractive ; for youth is innocent, and innocence is always an object of interest and of love. Age, on the contrary, is venerable, but not loveable. I see nothing in the termination of a ripe old age to occasion grief, unless there has been a mis- spent life. There is nothing to regret where all, or more, has been given than was promised — ' Lusisti satis, edisti satis atque bibisti, Tempus abire tibi est.* But youth, prematurely cut off, awakens many a pain- me, were was LIFE IN A COLONY. 81 ful reflection. I recollect being greatly struck with a monument erected to a young officer at Shelburne, who perished under very peculiar circumstances. The story itself is short and simple, but, as it is connected with the rise and fall of that ill-feted and melancholy town, I will give you the history of both together. Let us sit down on this tombstone, for it is a fitting seat from which to tell a tale of mortality. *' Last summer I made a tour of the province, and revisited the scenes of my former judicial labours. The growth and improvement of the country far ex- ceeded my expectations. In many places where the road ran, a few years ago, through an unbroken forest, it was now bordered on either side by a continuous line of farms ; and substantial houses and large herds of cattle evinced the condition of the new population. The towns and villages were greatly increased, and an improved system of husbandry had changed the whole appearance of the country. The habits of the people also had undergone an alteration for the better no less striking and gratifying. Still it was by no means a journey of unmixed pleasure. A generation had passed away, if not from life, from its business and duties. Many whom I had known I could not at first recognise : care, time, and disease, had not been idle* The young had become men, the men had grown old, and the old had died or withdrawn from view. I was a stranger among strangers. The houses I had fre- quented during the circuit's were either enlarged, re- modelled, or rebuilt. A new race of people welcomed me, and the well-known voice and the well-known face were nowhere to be heard or seen. My local interest was the same, but my personal interest had gone, and gone for ever. " At home, these changes are so gradual that rhey are almost imperceptible. The vacant place soon col- lapses, or is occupied by another, and harmonises with all around. It oeeomes incorporated with the rest, and cannot be distinguished from it. In this manner, E 6 82 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, an entire revolutioa is eflfected, and yet that revolution is so slow and so gradual in its growth, and contains so much to which we are daily accustomed, that the eye cannot discern where the old ceases or the new begins. But, when we return to past scenes, after an absence of many years, the whole change bursts on our astonished view at once. We knew it as it was, we see it as it is, and we feel and know it is not the same. (( We are painfully reminded, at the same time, that we have been ourselves no less under the influence of this universal law of mutability : we return to our own, and our own knoweth us no more. The face of Nature, though here and there partially transformed by the hand of man, was in the main unaltered. The mountains, with their wavy outline distinctly marked against the clear blue sky, or their summits enveloped in mists, were the same as when my youthAil eye nrst rested on them. The rivers, the valleys, the murmur- ing brooks, the wide-spread alluvial meadows, covered with grazinr* h^rds, the sheltered and placid lakes, and the rugged z and bold promontones that invaded the sea, or rt^bxSted its assaults, were all unchanged. The road also on the sea-shore wore the same familiar aspect, and the ceaseless roar of the ocean saluted my ear with the same voice that first awakened my adven- turous hope to pass to that fatherland that lies beyond the great deep. At night, as I walked out meditating on the past, the pale silver moon and its starry host proclaimed that they also were unchanged, and re- called many a long-forgotten scene in years by-gone, before all tnat has been was, or reflection came to teach us that youth has its shadow, that increases as the day declines, and that that shadow is death. These visible objects of nature, therefore, become dearer and dearer to us as we advance in years. They are our early, our constant, and sole surviving friends, the same to-day and to-morrow as they were of old*. They are typical of Him who knoweth no change. self sion, cause house sevei and been LIFE IN A COLONY. 83 ** As far as Shelbume, all was progressive or rapid improvement, but that unfortunate town was in ruins. It arose in the wilderness like a work of magic, but had hardly been erected before it was in a state of decay. Twelve or fourteen thousand emigrant loyalists from New York sought shelter in this remote place at the close of the war of rebellion, in the year 1784, and built a large, commodious, and beautiful wooden town, at the head of the magnificent harbour of Roseway. In their haste, or their necessity, they overlooked the fact, that a town requires a country to support it, unless a trade which has grown with its growth supplies its wants upon equal terms. Remote from the other settlements of the province, surrounded by a trackless forest, that covers a poor and stony soil, situated too far from the entrance of the harbour to reap the ad- vantages of the fishing-grounds, and filled witn a popu- lation unaccustomed to the mode, and unequal to the fatigues, of settling in a wilderness, it was impossible that a town so constituted could long exist. Some returned penniless and destitute to their native land, others removed to various parts of Nova Scotia, and the grave-yard, from year to year, received great numbers of those that were left behind, to mourn with broken hearts over their ruined fortunes, their hopless and helpless condition, and their dreasy exile. When I had last seen it, the houses were still standing, though untenanted. It had all the stillness and quiet of a moonlight scene. It was difficult to imagine it was deserted. " The idea of repose more readily suggested it- self than decay. All was new and recent. Seclu- sion, and not death or removal, appeared to be the cause of the absence of inhabitants. But now the houses which had been originally built of wood had severally disappeared. Some had been taken to pieces, and removed to Halifax, or St. John''s; others had been converted into fuel, and the rest had fallen a prey 84 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, Si li i\ to neglect and decomposition. The chimneys stood up erect, and marked tne spot round which the social circle had assembled; and the blackened fireplaces, ranged one above another, bespoke the size of the tene- ment and the means of its owner. In some places they had sunk with the edifice, leaving a heap of ruins ; while not a few were inclining to their fall, and await- ing the first storm to repose again in the dust that now covered those who had constructed them. Hundreds of cellars, with their stone walls and granite partitions, were everywhere to be seen, like uncovered monuments of the dead. Time and decay had done their work. All that was perishable had perished, and those nume- rous vaults spoke of a generation that had passed away for ever, and, without the aid of an inscription, told a tale of sorrow and of sadness that overpowered the heart. " A few new houses had recently been erected, and a very few of the old had been snatched from decay and repaired ; but, of the thousands of inhabitants that this town once contained, four or five survivors alone remained, and the entire population did not ex- ceed two thousand souls. They were all attached to the place, and spoke confidently of its revival, fondly of its noble haroour, and proudly of its former pro- speritv. " Every spot had its little history. Here the pil- frims first landed, and this spacious street was the rst that was cut out through the woods. On that bridge the bands of the regiments assembled on a summer^s evening to play the tunes of their father- land. In the house which once stood over this large cellar, Field-Marshal Beresford was quartered when a young officer in the garrison, and in that sedgy piece of ground was wounded in the face by an accidental discharge from the gun of a brother sportsman. On that eminence, on the opposite side of the harbour, stood extensive barracks, capable of accommodating three regiments ; and on the point of land that termi- openi from I vene^ find sign( LIFE IN A COLONY. 85 nates King^s Street was a heavy battery, the guns of which, corroded by time, lie half-buried in the earth ; for, alas ! there is nothing now to defend. At this corner stood the great hotel of Shelbume, where the weekly balls were held, and the beauty and fashion of the old colony of New York (for the Loyalists were principally gentry) assembled for the last time. Driven into exile by their rebel countrymen, and environed in the country of their adoption by poverty, and a dim and lowermg future, they vainly sought to fly from regret, and lose the painml memory of the past in fes- tivity and amusement. That spacious church, which is now so far from the village, was once in the centre of this large town ; and the number of the graves in the cemetery bear a frightful disproportion to the present population. " While strolling one afternoon through the deserted and grass-grown street that passes in front of this building, my attention was attracted by a very hand- some and apparently new monument, which appeared to have been just erected, — ^probably to one of the last of this ill-fated emigration. It was built of the beauti- ful ^nite that abounds in the neighbourhood, and its fresh-chiselled surface glistened in the sun, as its rays fell on the bright and polished particles of mica em- bedded in its indestructible substance. It was a costly structure, not in keeping with the means of the present inhabitants, and evidently could not have been executed by any workman then resident at Shel- bume. "It occurred to me that, perhaps, the affection or the piety of a child had erected this tribute to the memory or misfortunes of a parent who had found rest at last in this secluded spot. My curiosity was excited, and, opening a little gate, I entered the yard to ascertain, from the inscription, the name and history of this venerable patriarch. I was, however, astonished to find that it was nearly as old as the town, and de- signed, not for one of the pilgrims, but for a young 86 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, h ■ k lU it 1 hi ^ V [h officer who had been drowned in the harbour. The inscription was as follows : — Sacred to the Memory of Patrick Maxwell, Esq., Ensign in His Majesty's 6l8t or First Warwickshire Infantry, and Son of Sir William Maxwell, of Spring Hill, Bart., N.B., who was unfortunately upset in a Sail-boat, 10th July, 1790, and drowned, iEtat. 19, deeply regretted by his afflicted parents, and all who knew him. " Such an untimely and melancholy death is un- happily one of daily occurrence, and his was only dis- tinguishable from others of the same kind by a trait of generous manliness that deserves to be recorded. I have just told you there was a large battery and fiard-house at the termination or commencement of ing's Street, and very extensive barracks on the opposite side of the harbour — an arrangement which had, probably, been adopted for the greater seclusion and better management of the troops. Between these two stations boats were constantly passing and repas- sing, either on business or pleasure. On the day mentioned on the tablet, a victualling-barge, contain- ing a party of soldiers and two officers, was struck about the centre of the harbour by a heavy squall, and upset, and every soul on board perished, with the ex- ception of the sergeant. Young Maxwell was one of the unfortunate sufferers.^ The sergeant, who was an * On the reverse side of this monument was an inscription of a similar nature to Lieutenant Nicholas Ball, of the same regi- ment, who perished on this occasion. Both bodies were deposited in one grave. (( trut signs alTeg Chri and LIFE IN A COLONY. 87 expert swimmer, generously took him on his back, and struck out boldly for the shore. Miscalculating his power, however, he swam too hastily, and had not pro- ceeded far before his strength began to fail. Maxwell, as soon as he perceived him falter, expressed his deter- mination to relieve him of the burden ne had so kindly assumed. He exhorted him to be cool and collectea, to proceed slowly, but, above all things, to persevere on account of his wife and children ; and then, oidding him adieu, relinquished his hold, and sunk to rise no more. " My first feeling on reading the inscription was one that is common to us all when we hear of the untimely death of the young, but reflection pjon took another turn. If now living, he would have been seventy-five years of age — a tottering, decrepit old man like myself, full of years and infirmities. Had he been then spared, I asked myself, would he have survived till this day I Or would disease have put in its claim, or the battle- field held him as a victinr t Was ignominy avoided or honour lost by that event ? WouEi his career in life have been unmarked, or has a name perished that was destined to grace the pa^es of his country''s history 3 All, alas ! is hidden in impenetrable mysteiy. But reason and religion alike teach us this great consola- tory truth, that a wise and mercifiil Providence orders all things for the best. " As regards monuments, however, I agree with you, Barclay. I neither approve of the imagery, em- blems, nor language we usq. Less flattery ana more truth, less rerorence to worldly vanities and more re- signation to the will of God, a total exclusion of heathen alTej^ories and the introduction of such only as are of Christian origin, would be infinitely more appropriate and becoming. If we are to be addressed from the grave, it should be in language calculated to make us wiser and better men ; for we do not seek these soli- tudes to gratify our tastes, but to purify our hearts, and to enable us, by a contemplation of the fate of others, to prepare for the inevitable approach of our own.''^ 88 THE OLD JUDGE j OR, ,1 hi m ii.'i iw H. J*- ' Br ^^ ? 1^ CHAPTER V. A BALL AT GOVERNMENT HOUSE. ' On our return to Illinoo, our recent visit to Halifax and its incidents naturally became the subject of con- versation, and, among other things, Government House and its inmates were adverted to. " The situation of a Governor,'"* said the Judge, " is by no means an enviable one. He is insufficiently paid, seldom properly supported by the Colonial Office; and no sooner becomes acquainted with the people and the country than his term of service expires. The province is then again entrusted to a stranger, who goes through the same process of acquiring experience, with great personal labour, annoyance, and inconveni- ence to himself, and with some danger, and no little alarm, to the inhabitants; while his best exertions and intentions are often frustrated, and his domestic comfort destroyed, by the petty insolence and insigni- ficant intrigues of the little leaders of little political factions about him. '* Recent democratic changes in the constitution of the colonies have rendered his position still more diffi- cult, by limiting the prerogative, transferring much of his autnority to his council, and making public offices nojt the reward of merit, but of agitation. With po- litics, however, I have nothing to do. I not only take no interest in them, but I even dislike to hear them discussed. A Governor, however, if he be a man of honour, and a gentleman, is really an object of pity. As far as we have been concerned ourselves, we have been extremely fortunate in the selection that has been made for us, and are enabled to enumerate a long list of very clever as well as very amiable men ; but as my experience extends over a long series of years, and is by no means limited to our North Ame- rican possessions, I have been sometimes amused at them as a class, and at the different manner in which (I but LIFE IN A COLONY. 89 they severally attempt to accomplish the object they all have in view ; namely, to conduct their admi- nistration satisfactorily to their employers, and to the people committed to their charge. To secure the approbation of the authorities at home, it is merely necessary to keep things quiet, for they have them- selves made every concession for this purpose, to every troublesome party, until there is little left now but total independence to concede. To preserve this tranquillity, therefore, necessarily involves the same policy on the part of a Governor, and, consequently, the necessity for a certain degree of personal popularity. It is the pursuit of this populanty that calls forth the peculiarities and character of the man : some resting it, where it ought to be, on the honest and inflexible discharge of duty ; others on tact, a knowledge of character, or some personal qualification, that renders them agreeable. As a class, therefore, they naturally present a wreat variety. " For instance, there is * your man-of-business Go- vernor,^ accessible at all times, punctual in the per- formance of his own duty, and strict in requiring a corresponding exactness m others — affable, cautious, but decided. Then there is your * scheming Governor,'* a man before his age, who delights in theories — has visions of greatness for his little empire, desires to have the people habited in garments, which, if they do not fit, are admirably well calculated to admit of an extended growth of the body and limb ; who talks of systems, heads of departments, and boards, and will neither see nor hear of difficulties, as, in his opinion, there never are any that are insurmountable, and who treats the Secretary of State to long reports, for the amusement of the clerks to report upon. Next comes your ' entertaining Governor,' who keeps an hospitable table, gives numerous parties, is full of anecdote, and tells his stories well, pays due attention to country members and their fashionable and agreeable wives and daughters, takes care that his staff are attentive If I' B-,.. „ •)i 1; 90 THE OLD JUDGE J OR, to those who stand in need of attentions, and dance with those who cannot command partners, and who arranges his dinners so as to bring together people who know each other and are agreeable. As for busi- ness, he obeys orders from home, interferes personally as little as possible, and suffers things to take their course. " Then, there is your ' humbugging Governor,' who bows and smiles to all, says civil things to everybody, and of everybody, makes long speecnes, and writes long messages, adopts no side warmljjr, has no decided opinions, is with the majority, but lives with the mi- nority, so he can co-operate with them, too, if they become strong enough ; is attached to the Church, for he was bom and bred in it ; is fond of the Ilomanists, for they are numerous, and devoted to British con- nexion ; to the Baptists, because freedom of opinion is the right of all, especially of those who form so large a body ; and of the Scotch Dissenters, on account of their abhorrence of democratic principles, and because he has often witnessed and admired their amiability at home, and the brotherly love they exhibit to the church abroad. In short, he is 'all tnings to all men' — a hand for all, a word for all, and a fig for all. " Then, there is your * dashing Governor,' a regular politician, who believes that every man has his price, regards all provincials as scoundrels, and thinks their pnce small ; will carry his measures coUte qui coUte ,* nas a strong smack of English Radicalism, and flatters the vanity of colonial Liberals ; knows the little points of little men, and talks of the vast resources of the colony, the important geographical, relative, and po- litical position of it ; the able views and great scope of intellect of its statesmen ; advocates a united legis- lature for all the colonies, the creation of a Viceroy, and the construction of a railroad to the Pacific, and other gigantic projects — tubs for the whale. "Tnere are also your * purely civil,' or 'purely military Governors.' The former has no command, was the f with (( 1 LIFE IN A COLONY. 91 and, of course, is by no means so well paid as the other ; is subject to some inconvenience from the \«rant of this control, and is in occasional collision with the Commandant, not in matters of importance (for then it seldom or never occurs), but in insignificant, and, therefore, more annoying affairs. He procures the attendance of a redmentafband at his parties as a favour, and tolerates their airs as aa unavoidable evil. Although familiar with, and hospitable to, the officers of the warrison, he never enjoys their sympathies like an old General. Unless he is a man ot rank himself, the Admiral, it is observed, is more apt to stand on etiquette and rights with him than if he were a soldier, for they again both pertain to the profession of arms, although not to the same branch oi the service. The latter, or purely military man, delights rather in the appellation of General than that of Governor; is fonder of assembling his troops than his legislature, and is more at home with the officers of his brigade than with the officers of his colony. He would rather talk of the Punjaub than the Maddawaska, and the heads of columns than the heads of departments. He says but little, promises less ; but does what he says. He refers every thing to the department to which it belongs, and acts on the report of the principal. He takes no responsibility. If the assembly flares up, so does he ; begs them to accept the assurance of his most profound indifference, and informs them that he was a General before he was a Governor. If they petition the Sovereign, he thanks them for it ; tells them he is an old and faithful servant of the Crown, and has been so long abroad he is in danger of being forgotten ; that their memorial will call attention to the fact that he is still living, and serving his King with zeal and fidelity. ^* These peculiarities are either generated or dis- closed by the duties and necessities of the station, and are the various effects on the human mind of a morbid deaire for applause. Under any circumstances, this 1?J hi «: I >f 92 THE OLD JUDGE J OR, high functionary can now personally effect but little good, in consequence of the restrictions and limitations imposed upon his authority : but he is by no means equally powerless for evil, and, if he should, unfor- tunately, be surrounded by a needy or unprincipled council, and be deficient either in a knowledge of his duty, or in firmness of purpose, the country may suffer incalculable injury. " One of my predecessors on the bench, a man of great humour and eccentricity, used gravely to main- tain, that the only person fit for the situation was a wise man or a fool. * If he really is a wise man,' he used to say, * he will govern by himself, and not by favourites ; if he is a fool, he will not think of holding the reins at all, but entrust them wholly to the consti- tuted authorities.' Your indifferent Governors, gene- rally speaking, are your clever men, or, according to the cant phrase of modern times, your * talented men,' — people who are intelligent enough to be conceited, and yet have not sufficient ability to dispense with advice. " These great guns, therefore, as my friend Barclay calls them, are, as a matter of course, of different calibre and weight, and their effect is in proportion. Some carry as true, and are as unerring, as a rifle ; others, though they hit the mark, have no power of condensation, and do mischief by scattering. This one overshoots the object, and that falls short of it. Some hang fire from indecision, and others go off unexpect- edly from impetuosity. All these failures arise from want of previous preparation, either by having served in one or other of the houses of Parliament, or filled some of the higher offices in a colony. Suitable per- sons, I admit, are not easily found ; but, confining the selection to general officers increases the difficulty, in- asmuch as a military education, and the life and habits of a soldier, have a tendency to unfit them for consti- tutional government. Indeed, some difficulty will be experienced in future, in inducing gentlemen to accept n able him time from enabi when LIFE IN A COLONY. m an office, the emoluments of which are insufficient to defray the ordinary expenditure, and the duties, both onerous and responsible — many of them excessively disagreeable, and all accompanied by the most offensive abuse and misrepresentation of an unbridled and licen- tious press. " Much of this, if not all, may be regarded with pity or contempt by a well-regulated mind ; but, un- fortunately, custom has sanctioned, until time has con- verted into a duty, the practice of indiscriminate hos- pitality, whereby the privacy of his house, and the comfort of his family, are effectually destroyed. Men are to be seen at a (Governor's table who are to be met with nowhere else ; and people are brought together whose previous intercourse has extended no further than purchases made through the intervention of a servant at the market-place. The consequence is, that, instead of exhibiting the best. Government House affords the worst specimen of society in the province. Independently of the annoyance to which all are sub- ject by such an association, the Governor, his staff, and strangers, naturally infer that this anomaly is the general condition of colonial society. The ignorance, awkwardness, and presumption thus displayed, are taken as characteristics of tne whole ; and mariv anec- dotes are in circulation to the disadvantage of Halifax and other provincial capitals, that are chargeable alone on the extraordinary mixture that this ill-regulated hospitality produces. " You have seen the Governor under more favour- able circumstances ; for you have merely dined with him and some of his friends, and, fortunately, at a time when the town was not filled with the 'gentlemen from the rural districts,' and, of course, when he was enabled to escape from their intrusion. There are times when the 'palace' may be said to be out of season, it is so distasteful ; and it is necessary that you should see it, and the balls given at that period, fully to understand what I mean. The most amusing part of I « i»i mM 94 THE OLD JUDGE J OB, this folly is, that people who are excluded for their misconduct (although not admitted elsewhere) for- mally complain of it as a grievance, and actually maintain that the Governor is not only bound to ex- tend his invitations to those that are unfit, but even to those that are unworthy. One cannot but feel for the indignity and annoyance he must continually endure from this cause. It reminds me of an anecdote told me by Sir John Sherbrooke, when he commanded here. " He had given permission to his house-steward and butler — two of the tallest and largest men in Halifax — to give an entertainment to their friends, and invite as many as they thought proper, in their own apart- ment at his house. A day or two after the party, a diminutive but irascible barber, who was in the habit of attending upon him, complained, in the course of his professional duty, that his feelings were wreatly hurt by his exclusion fi'om the festivities of Uovern- ment House, by the steward and butler, as it had a tendency to lower him in the estimation of his ac- quaintances ; and, if it had not been for the respect he owed his Excellency, he would most assuredly have horsewhipped them both. " ' Would you r said Sir John, who was exces- sively amused at the pugnacious little man. ' Would you ? By Jove ! then, I give you my leave. Horse- whip them as long as you can stand over them."' " ' This is the manner,' he observed, * in which the good people here censure me. It appears that I oc- casionally omit to ask some person who thinks he is entitled to a card as a matter of right. I really thought, at first, the fellow was going to complain to me of myself, for, in fact, he has just as good a right to come as some others who are admitted."' " So far, therefore, from a Government house exer- cising-a salutary influence on the community, its effects are in fact injurious. People who go from the coun- try, and procure, through their representatives, ad- mission to the palace, when they return to their t( morn I in th^ does, the c^ theh be at I are of stant I of dii morni crease that pery LIFE IN A COLONY. m homes, contrast the facility with which this honour has been obtained, with the utter impossibility of being introduced to the families of gentlemen in their own neighbourhood, attribute the difference to pride or in- justice, and naturally attempt to vindicate their rights, by striving to reduce to their own level those who maintain this invidious reserve. It is natural for them to think, if the first officer in the colony — he who represents his sovereign, is willing to admit that there are no distinctions of stations, or to waive the consideration, that it is neither right nor expedient that subordinate people should maintain a different course. It is, therefore, the prolific parent of that respectable, as well as amiable and attractive, virtue known as ' Colonial Patriotism.' '' It is some years since I was at a ball at Govern- ment House. My age and infirmities render them irk- some to me, and, of course, unfit me for enjoying them. The ]ast time I was there, was during the adminis- tration of Sir Hercules Sampson. I need not de- scribe him, or his lady and daughter, or his two aides, Lord Edward Dummkopf and the Honourable Mr. Trotz, for, if I recollect aright, Barclay has done that already, much better than I could, in his graphic sketch of * Asking a Governor to Dine.' It was on the first day of January, there was a lev^e in the morning, a dinner party in the afternoon, and a ball in the evening. A custom prevailed then, and still does, I believe, at Halifax, as well as elsewhere in the country, for the gentlemen " to call that day on all the ladies of their acquaintance, who are expected to be at home to receive visitors, to whom cake and wine are offered. Of course, there is at every house a con- stant succession of people, from mid-day till the hour of dinner ; and, at the time I am speaking of, these morning libations to the health of the fair sex in- creased not a little towards aft.emoon the difficulty, that always exists in winter, in walking over the slip- pery and dangerous streets of the town. Although ; m m THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, 11 r 1 J Im generally considered a very troublesome ceremony, it is not without its beneficial effects, inasmuch as it induces or compels a renewal of relations that have suffered from neglect or misunderstanding during the preceding year, and affords a good opportunity for reconciliation without the intervention of friends, or the awkwardness of explanations. Indeed, it ip this consideration alone that has caused this rural practice to survive the usages of the olden time. " Many absurd anecdotes are in circulation relating to the accidents and incidents of the * New Year's Calls,' among the drollest of which is the sudden irruption into a house of the greater part of those persons who had attended the Governor's levde, and their equally sudden departure, amid shrieks of affright and roars oi laughter, as the cracking of the beams of the floor gave notice of the impending danger of a descent into the cellar, and the subsequent collective mass of fashionables in one confused and inextrii^ble heap at the foot of the very icy steps of the hall door. Ah, me ! those were days of hilarity and good humour, before political strife had infused bitterness and personality into everything. We were but too happy before we became too free. The dinner was an official one ; the guests were the various heads of de- partments in the place ; and it passed off much in the same manner as similar ones do elsewhere. " Of the ball, it is difficult to convey to you a very distinct idea, such entertainments being so much alike everywhere. There may be more fashion and more elegance in one assembly than another ; but, if the company are well-bred people, the difference is one of appearance, and not of character ; and even when the company is mixed and motleyed, as on the occasion I am speaking of, still, when the greater part of them are gentry, the difference between it and one more exclu- sive, though perceptible to the eye well defined and clearly distinguishable, is one of colouring ; and if, in delineating it, the shades are made too strong, it be- as we Thee claAse< produ been i so dill part others have liaritii retain! as ev( one, t] the ml laturej whose list tl at thel the ai LIFE IN A COLONY. 97 comes a fancy sketch rather than a faithful picture, and the actors appear in caricature, and not in natural and faithfiil portraiture. To give you the proprieties would be insipid, as all proprieties are, and to give you only the absurdities would be to make them too prominent, and lead you to suppose they were samples of the whole, and not exceptions. You must bear this in mind, therefore, or you will think the account exaggerated, or the party more exceptionable than it really was. " When I first knew Government House, the so- ciety to be met with there was always, as I have before said, the best in the place. Jn time, each suc- ceeding Governor enlarged the extent of his circle; and, at last, as a corrective, two were formed for even- ing entertainments : one that was selected for small parties, and for frequent intercourse with the ^mily ; and a second, designed for public nights only and rare occasions, and «o arranged as to embrace all within, as well as most people beyond, the limits of the other. The effect of this arrangement was, to draw the two classes apart, to create invidious distinctions, and to produce mutual dislike. Subsequently, the two have Been merged into one, which has consequently become so diluted as to be excessively unpalatahle. The best part have lost their flavour, without imparting it to others ; and the inferior, being coarser and stronger, have imbued the rest with as much of their pecu- liarities as to neutralize their effect, while they have retained enough to be as disagi*eeable and repulsive as ever. ** The evening to which I allude being a public one, the invitations were very numerous, and embraced the military, navy, and staff, the members of the legis- lature, which was then in session, and all the civilians whose names were to be found on the most extended list that had been formed at the time. Having dined at the palace that day, I happened to be present at the amvals. The guests were shown into the drawing- p M.ilt U ^r 98 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, '^■' i h.. room, and courteously, though ceremoniously, received by the Governor, his lady, and staff. Those who were wholly unknown, and the least acquainted with the usages of society (as is always the case with awk- ward people), arrived long before the rest, and were not a little surprised and awed at finding themselves alone in the presence of the * royal party.' The ladies were unable or afraid to be at ease, or to ap- pear at home, and sat on the edges of their chairs, stiff, awkward, and confused. The utterance of the gentlemen, who were no less conscious of being out of their element, was thick, rapid, and unintelligible; while they appeared to find hands and feet an intoler- able nuisance. The former felt into every pocket of their owners for a secure retreat, but were so restless, they had hardly secreted themselves before they made their escape into another hiding-place, when they put a bold face on the matter, advanced and clasped each other in agony in front, and then undertook the laborious task of supporting the skirts of the coat behind. The latter, like twin-brothers, entered the room together, and stood on a footing of perfect equa- lity ; but it was evident ambition was at work among them, for the right first claimed precedence, and then the left, and then rudely crossed before each other, and, at last, as if ashamed of this ineffectual struggle, when their master sat down, hid themselves under the chair, or embraced each other lovingly on the carpet. " Lord Edward could not, and Trotz would not, talk. Sir Hercules, with great good humour, tried every topic ; but he no sooner started one, than it fled in affright at the cold and repulsive monosyllable ' Yes,' or ' No,' and escaped. *' ' How very icy the streets are !' he said ; ' they are really quite dangerous.' " * Very, sir.' " ' Does your harbour freeze over f . " ' No, sir oh, yes, often, sir ! — that is, very rarely — when the barber rises, sir....' amu« they ^^ i a ( (( ( li i it i she hi so, La for yoi "*] couldn in 'em,| "TJ me a would afi-aid besides ject th( "Ai relieve and M the H( (the Sp Colonel Stan; Stay ; was an had on hithert( conversl they re whom tl LIFE IN A COLONY. 99 (( it " ' Perhaps, madam, some of these prints would amuse you ! Here are some of the latest caricatures j they are capital.../ " ' No, thank you, Sir Hercules — not any, sir.' " * Are you fond of driving in a sleigh V *' ' Some, sir.' " ' Do you play ?" "* I never touch cards, sir.' " ' No, but upon the piano I' *' ' No, but my Anna Maria does j and master says she has a most grand ear, sir.' " ' Perhaps you would like to hear some music ? If so, Lady Sampson will have great pleasure in playing for you.' " ' For me ! Oh, dear, no — ^not for the world ! I couldn't think of it for me^ sir.' ' What a pity it is there is no theatre at Halifax !' ' Yes, sir — very, sir — for them as sees no harm in ^em, sir — yes, sir,' " The Governor gave it up in despair, and offered me a pinch of snuff, with an air of resignation that would have done honour to a martyr. They were afraid of him, and knew not how to address him ; and, besides, who could talk amid general silence, and sub- ject their chit-chat to the critical ordeal of strangers ? " Announcements now became more frequent, and relieved the embarrassment of both parties. Major and Mrs. Section ; Mrs. and the Misses de Laine ; the Hon. Mr. Flint (a privy councillor) ; Mr. Steel (the Speaker), Mrs. and Miss Steel, and Miss Tinder ; Colonel Lord Heather ; Vice- Admiral Sir James Cap- stan ; Lady Capstan ; Captain Sheet ; Lieutenant Stay ; and so on. The room was soon filled, and it was amusing to witness the effect this reinforcement had on the spirits of the advanced party, who had hitherto sustained, unaided and alone, the difficult conversation, and to watch the eagerness with which they recognised and claimed an acquaintance with whom they could be at ease and talk freely. An in- f2 100 THE OLD JUDGE J OR, W-^ m ■: ^ cipient attack of the gout compelling me to take a chair, I sat down near the table on which were the prints and caricatures, but soon became more interested in the scene before me than in those over-drawn pic- tures of life, and was excessively amused at the scraps of conversation that reached me from detached groups in my neighbourhood. « * Ah, Mrs. Section !' said Trotz, as he gave her, very condescendingly, one finger, * how do you do ? And how is my friend, the major V " ' The major is poorly, thank you,' she replied j 'he caught a bad cold in going those 'orrid grand rounds last night/ " ' Ah,' said Trotz, * he should have had a four- post bedstead put upon runners, and driven in that manner to visit the posts ! The orderly could have accompanied him, turned out the guards for him, and, when all was ready, opened the curtains."* " * How very good ! said Lord Edward. " * What a droll fellow Trotz is !'' observed the lady to her neighbour : * but those grand rounds really are a great nuisance, and I get dreadfully frightened when Section is out. Last night I wanted to have Sergeant Butter to sleep in the 'ouse; but the major said, ' 'Enrietta, don t be foolish !** So I put my maid Hann in the dressing-room. Presently I 'eara a noise, and called to Hann, and we examined every place— and what do you think it was? an howl tapping against the heaves of the 'ouse !' ^' ' I am afraid,** said the Admiral to his flag-captain, * that Sampson will find himself in a scrape this winter. I don't see how he is to get over the rupture of the last session ; where it was tongued then, it has again given way, I understand, and nothing holds it now but the cheeks and back fish.' " ' Dear me, Sir James,' said Mrs. Section, * 'ow very *orrid! do, pray, recommend to him 'OUoway's suing Hointment — it's hexcellent! But what did u say it was that 'ung by the Governor's cheeks f somet 'But grumi LIFE IN A COLONY. 101 ow ** Their sense of the ludicrous overcame their sense of propriety, and they both laughed heartily } when the Admiral said — " * Nothing, my dear madam — nothing in the world but his whiskers ! ^* Moving a little further off, their place was soon supplied by another set, among whom was the pretty Mrs. Smythe. " ' Ah, Mrs. Section, how do you do to-night ? You really look charmingly ! Let me introduce dear Mrs. Olaverhouse to you! How glad I am to see you, Miss Schweineimer ! When did you come to town ? Has your father taken his seat in the council yet ?— Stop, my dear, there is nobody looking just now; your dress is unhooked at the top ; lot me fasten it. What a lovely complexion ! I would give the world for such a colour as you have. I suppose you ride a great deal a-horseback in the country : ^' ' No, I never ride ; father hasuH a beast fit for the side-saddle.^ ^^ * Call it a horse, dear ; we call nothing a beast in Halifax, dear, but Colonel Lord Heather, who won't allow his band to play at private parties. Do you know Lady Capstan 2 I will introduce you.' " ' Oh, dear, no, not for the world, before so many folks ! I shouldnH know whether I was standing on my head or my heels, if you did.' " ' Don't talk of standing on your head, dear ; women never do it here, except at a circus.' " ' It's allowable to have one's head turned a little sometimes, though, ain't it V retorted the young lady. ' But who is that old fellow at the table!' " ' Don't call him a fellow, dear — fellows are only found at colleges and workhouses : call him *■ gentle- man,' and leave the word * old' out ; nobody is old here but the devil. It is Judge Sandford, dear. Shall I introduce you ? I think he Knows your fether.' " ' Oh, no, pray don't ; he looks so horrid cross and grumpy!' fii^l 102 THE OLD JUDGE J OR, it i Who is to be the new Leffislative Councillor V inquired a member of the Assembly of another. " ' Morgan, I believe/ '* * Morgan ! why, he can't write his name ! You don't mean to say they intend to put in Morgan? Why, he ain't fit to be a doorkeeper — and, besides, his character is none of the best, they say.' " ' It will conciliate all the clergy of ....' " * Conciliate the devil ! Well, you do astonish me ! Did you get your vote through for the Shinimicash Bridge r " '■ Yes.' " ' I wish you'd help me, then — log-roll mine through, for an over-expenditure J have of five hundred pounds.' " * I will, if you will support the academy in my county. I was put in on that interest.' ^^ *• Done !' and the parties shook hands, and sepa- rated. ^^ As they turned to depart, one of them struck his elbow against a musical instrument, that gave out a loud and long-continued sound. " ' What's that V he asked. " * They call it a harp,' was the reply. " ' The devil it is! I wonder- if it is like the harp of Solomon !' " * I never heard of Solomon's harp.' " ' Well, it's much of a muchness, then, for I never saw it ; so we are about even, T guess.' " * I say, Bill, that's a devilish pretty craft with a rainbow on her catheads, ain't she I — there, that one with pink streamers and long-legged gloves,' said one little middy to another. * I'm blowed if I don't go and ask her to dance with me !' " ' Why, Black, what are you at, man ! You haven't been introduced to her.' " ' The uniform's introduction enough to her ; there's no harm in trying it, at any rate. So I'm off in chase of the strange sail, and will speak her, at all events.' i( ( LIFE IN A COLONY. 103 )U 4( C How was dry cod at Berbice V inquired a little, cold, calculating man, of another (who, from his enor- mous bulk, appeared to have fed upon something mucli better than nis favourite export) — * how was cod, when the brig Polly left Berbice ? And lumber — was the market good? What a grand government contract Longhead got for the supply of the army and navy ! That fellow don't entertain the commissary people for nothing; that's a fact! There's no use to tender where he's concerned.' " * How late the officers of the 10th are in coming to-night !' whispered a very pretty young lady to her companion. * There is nothing out those horrid black coats here, and they look nke ill-omened birds. I can't bear them ; they take up so much room, and, I fancy, soil my gloves.' " ' I can't say I have any objection to them,' said the other ; ' but I wish tney were not so fond of dancing. But just look at Ann Cooper, what a witch she has made oi herself ; she actually looks like a fright ! I wonder what Captain Denham can see in her to ad- mire ! Come this way : there is that horrid Lawyer Galbanum seeking whom he can devour, for the next quadrille : I shall say I am engaged.' ** * So shall I, for I have no idea of figuring with him. Look at Major Mitchell, how he is paying court to Lady Sampson ! They say he is attentive to Miss Sampson. They are moving this way; let us go over to Mrs. Section, she always has so many people about her that one knows.' " ' What a magnificent screen I' exclaimed Major Mitchell to the ^reat enchantress. Lady Sampson. * How beautifully it is executed ! It is the most ex- quisite piece of embroidery I ever saw. I am at a loss which most to admire, — the brilliancy of the colouring and delicate shading, or the skilful way in which it is worked in ; for it has a richer and sorter effect than anything of the kind I ever beheld. Where in the world did you get it V \': 101 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, m , m It r If P ** * I hardlv like to tell you, after such extravagant praise ; but it is the joint production of myselfand daughter. One has to resort to some such occupation to pass the time in this horrid country ; and/ looking round cautiously, and lowering her voice, * among such horrid camboos of peo^)le, too.' " * Exactly,' said the major ; * I know how to pity you.' '* * When I was in the West Indies, I used to amuse myself by embroiderina; bv way of killing time. The weather was so extremely hot, it was impossible to use any exercise.' " * Got this place made a free port, you see, Sir Hercules,' said a man, who appeared to nave had an. interview on some occasion at tne Colonial and Home Office. ' I told the Secretary of State refusal was out of the question, we must have it ; and threatened to have a committee moved for on it in the House of Commons, — regularly bullied him out of it. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, who is a particular friend of mine, told me before I went it was the only way at Downing Street. Bully them, says he, and you'll get it. i3ut Peel, he said, was a different man : self- created — a new man — important — feels himself — stands before the fire with his back to it, and his hands in his pockets. He knows who he is, and so must you appear to know. I took the hint, pitched into him about the confidence of the colonies in his great grasp of intellect, comprehensive mind, and so on. Don t say another word, my good fellow, it shall be done. / say it, you know, and that's enough. I had a conversation with John Russell, too; and, between you and me, they tell me his Lordship is a rising man. Plumbstone, said he, ' Halifiuc is a very important place, — a very important place indeed. I really had no idea of it until you explained to me its capabilities ; and then, tapping me on the shoulder, he said, and it has some very important men in it, too! — a handsome compliment, wasn't it! And LIFE IN A COLONY. 105 then he quoted some Latin ; but Fve grown so rusty- hem ! — so long since Tve had time — hem ! — I couldn't follow him.' ** ' Stop a minute, Sarah ; let me pull out your flounce, and fix your sleeves and braids for you,' said an anxious motner to her daughter. ' There, now, that will do ; but hold yourself up, dear. In a ball- room, people look shorter than tney are, and must make tne most of themselves ; and don't dance with those horrid little midshipmen, if you can find any other partners.' " * Why, ma V ** ^ Exactly,' said Mrs. Smythe, who appeared to be endowed with ubiquity, * your mother is right. Do you know Captain Beech, or Lieutenant Birch, of the Jupiter i I will introduce them to you ; they are both well connected, and have capital interest. Take my arm, but don't look at those country members, dear, and then you won't have to cut them, for Sir Hercules don't like that. Appear not to see them, that's the most civil way of avoiding them. Recollect, too, that walls have ears— especially when they are covered with flowers, as they will be to-night. Now, I'll tell you a secret, dear ; Major Macassar is engaged in England, so don't waste your time in talking to him this evening. Keep close to me, now, and I'll take you among the rignt set, and introduce you to good partners, for I see preparations making for moving out.' ** Here Sir Hercules gave his arm to Lady Cap- stan, Lord Heather following with Lady Sampson, and led the way to the ball-room. It was a large and handsome apartment, tastefully decorated and well lighted; and the effect produced by the rich and various uniforms of the military and navy was gay, and even brilliant — more so, indeed, than is generally seen in a provincial town in England ; for the garri- son consisted of three regiments, and the greater part of the fleet upon the station was in port at the time. F 5 fi' m ir\ V 106 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, At the upper end of the room were the Governor, Lady Sampson, the Admiral and his lady, and the heads of the civil and military departments of the place and their families. Those next in rank adorned the sides of the room ; and groups of those who made no pretension to that equivocal word ' position ' occu- pied and filled the lower end. " The indiscriminate hospitality that had thus assembled together people of the same community, wholly unknown to each other except by name, had the enect of causing a restraint in the manner of the upper class, in a vain and weak desire not to be thought on a footing of equality with those beneath them ; and, on the other side, a feeling that this difference was purposely rendered palpable, and main- tained, if not witn incivility, at least, with a total want of courtesy. Where such was the condition of things, the whole naturally suflfered from the conduct of a few individuals; and those who exhibited or assumed airs of superiority, on the one part, or re- sented them coarsely, on the other, naturally involved the right-thinking people of both in the censure that belonged peculiarly to themselves. " ^ Who is that beautiful girl f asked a person near me, of a lady belonging to the place. " ' I don't know her.' " ' And that extremely interesting young lady V " ' I am not aware ; I never met her before ; she is not of our set.' " And yet it was manifest she knew her name ; had seen ner frequently, though not, perhaps, in the same room ; and was well acquainted with the condi- tion and respectable character of her parents. If any allowance could be made for this absurd fastidious- ness, some extenuation might be found for female vanity in the fact, that what the lower end of the room lost in station was more than compensated for in beauty. Trotz, who had observed this littleness, did not fail to use it, to the annoyance of those who had LIFE IN A COLONY. 107 been weak enough to exhibit it. He affected great astonishment at their not knowing people so distin- guished for beauty, ease of manner, and agreeable con- versation. The lower they were in the scale of society, the more he extolled them for these qualities, and pronounced them decidedly the finest women in the country. " In a short time, the quadrilles were formed, and all (that is, all the younger part of the company) were in motion ; and, wnatever tlie undercurrents and un- seen eddies of feeling might have been, all appeared gay and happy. Indeed, some of the young ladies from the country danced ^th a vigour and energy that showed their whole hearts were engaged in dis- playing what they considered most valuable qualities, exertion and endurance. The effect of the sudden cessation of music in a ball-room is always ludicrous, as the noise compels people to talk louder than usual ; and, when it terminates, the conversation is continued for awhile in the same key. " ' My heart is as free as the eagle, sir,"* were the first words I heard from a fair promenader. *' ' Father is shocked at a waltz. I must wait till he goes into supper.' " * Ma says she''s a sheep in lamb's clothing ; she recollects her forty years ago, dancing with a boy, as she is to-night.' " ' I say. Bill, look at the old ladies a-starboard there, how they haul in their claws, like lobsters, when the promenading commences !' " ' Hush, there's Captain Sheet !' " * I hope he's not in the wind ! Who is that he has got in tow ? She looks like a heavy sailor.' " ' Hush, he'll hear you !' " * It's a great shame, now, to wear spurs in a ball- room ! Major Macassar has torn my dress, and scraped my ankle dreadfully. I'm really quite lame. The gold wire, too, has made my neck smart as if it was stung with nettles.' ■M i!' U hi- It'- 1 m 108 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, " * Well, if it's any satisfaction to retaliate, you have certainly punished that Highland officer nicely, for the beetle-wing trimminff on your dress has scratched his knees most unmercifully ! But, oh, Sarah ! look at Captain Denham ! if his ejjaulette hasn't drawn off a false curl, and there he carries it suspended from his shoulder as a trophy ! Well, I never ! He needn't think it will ever be claimed ! I wonder who in the world it belongs to? How glad I am it isn't the colour of my hair !' " * Oh, sir, if you haven't seen Carriboo Island, sir, near Pictoo, you haven't seen the prettiest part of Nova Scotia I I never beheld anytning so lovely as Carriboo Island. We have such pleasant clam-parties there, sir, especially when the timber- vessels arnve.' " Lady Sampson had but one topic, which, though it had lasted since October, was likely to endure through the winter season. She had visited the Falls of Niagara in the autumn, and was filled with wonder and amazement. She was now describing them to a circle of admiring friends. " ' It was a mighty cataract !' she said. " * It might be removed by couching,' remarked a deaf staflF-doctor, who thought she was talking of her eyes, which greatly distended at the time with the marvellous stor/. " * The Falls !' she said, raising her voice. " * Ah ! the effect of a fall — that will render the operation doubtful.' . " ' Water-fall !' *' * Ah, exactly ; the lachrymal gland is affected.' " * Ni-ag-a-ra !' she said, raising her voice still higher, and pronouncing the word slowly. '* ' I beg your pardon, madam,' he replied, putting his hand to his ear, and advancing his head much nearer ; * I beg your pardon, but I 3idn't hear.' " * Trotz ! do, pray, take that horrid man away, and explain to him,' said the lady, and then con- LIFE IN A COLONY. 109 tinued. ' I saw the pool at the foot of the rock where the Indian warrior rose after going over the Fall, and was whirled round and round m the vortex for a- great many days, in an upright position, as if he were still alive ! They say it was a fearful sight ; at last, the flesh dissolved, and the frame parted and sunk !' *' She then led the way to the drawing-room, to show a sketch of Niagara, that the military secretary had prepared for her. Trotz detained the doctor a minute behind, and I heard him say, — *' * Though the cataract was not, that story of the Indian really was, all in my eye.' " ' So I should think,' was' the reply. " The ante-rooms through which we passed were filled with persons playing cards, or taking refresh- ments. At a small table sat my friend, the midship- man, with the little strange sail with pink streamers, to whom he had given chase in the early part of the evening, and, as he said, brought to. They were just commencing a sociable game of chess. " ' Suppose,' said the jolly tar to his fair friend — ' suppose that we strip as we go ? It's great fun.' " * I don't understand you,' said the young lady, with an offended toss of her pretty head. " ' What ! not know what strip as we go is ?' " * I don't know what you mean^ sir !' " * Why, this is the rule. Any thing you can take, you are bound to take, and strip the board as you go on. It shortens the game amazingly.' *^ Lady Sampson now opened a large book, contain- ing the promised sketch, and unfolded and extended out a narrow strip of paper of immense length, painted green, and resembling an enormous snake, and ex- plained it all in detail. ** * There is the Gulf of St. Lawrence,' she said ; * and there's Quebec ; and there's Montreal ; and there are the lakes ; and there — just there — no, not ^ T^n his foolish father gave him spoiled him for the kit.'hen, without fitting him for the parlour. Instead of being a cheerful, thrift;^ tradesman, he has been metamorphosed into a poor, shabby, discontented gentleman. He looks like a grasshopper on half-pay. " * You see the same thin^ every where. Observe that very pretty and remarkably well-dressed lady op- posite. She is a widow of large fortune and good con- nexions. Her affections are all absorbed by that lout of a boy she is talking to, who is her only child. His bent knees and stooping shoulders give you the idea of a ploughboy, while his fashionable dress would lead you to suppose he had clothed himself, by fraud or (( (< LIFE IN A COLONY. 113 mistake, from his master'*s wardrobe. She is beseech- ing him to stand properly, and behave like a gentle- man; and, above all, to dance; to all which he is becoming more and more rebellious ; and now he has jerked away his arm, and is diving into that qfowd of men near the fire, to escape from her importunities and the observation of others. Her wealth and station have given her but little happiness, and her maternal cares and devoted affection are the torment of her son. Did you use that word happiness, therefore, Judge, as a common-place phrase, or did it express what you really meant ? " ^ I meant what I said,^ I replied. ' Happiness is rather a negative than positive term in this world, and consists more in the absence of some things than in the presence of others. 1 see no harm in assemblies where they are not the business, but the relaxation of life, as they certainly are in this country. People come together for tho purpose of pleasing and being pleased, of seeing and being seen, to be amused them- selves, and to contribute their share to the amusement of others. They come with a disposition and a hope to be happy. Music and dancing exhilarate the spirits, hilarity is contadous, and, generally speaking, people do enjoy themselves, and 1 derive great gratification in witnessing their happiness. That was what I meant, for I never supposed there could be an assemblage of two or three hundred people, without there being some individuals unable or unwilling to partake of the gaiety about them.^ " Just then Miss Schweinoimer, the young lady that called her horse a beast, and myself an ugly old fellow, passed, hanging on the arm of a subaltern officer, into whose face she was looking up with evi- dent satisfaction, while listening to his flattering ac- cents. " * Oh, charming !' she said. ' If I haven'*t enjoyed myself to-night, it'*s a pity, that's all ! How do you feel ? I feel kind of m over. It's the handsomest B. 114 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, h P m |1: m-' i f arty I ever saw in all my life ! How I like Halifax ! wish father lived here instead of the Blueberry Plains !' " ' There, madam/ I said, ' let us abide by the de- cision of that unsophisticated girl. I forgive her nasal twang and her ignorance, for the simplicity and truth- fulness of her nature ;** and I effectea my escape from my cynical companion. *' Conversation such as hers is depressing to the spirits, and lowers one''s estimate of mankind. It puts you out of sorts ; for such is the mysterious effect of sympathy, that a discontented person soon infuses a portion of his own feeling into tlie mind of his audi- tors. I did not, however, derive much benefit from change of place, for the gentleman who next accosted me was imbued with mucn of the same captious spirit. ** * I have been pitying you for some time. Judge,' he said. * How could you think of remaining so long with that bitter specimen of humanity, Mrs. Blair i She speaks well of no one, and has been amusing her- self by feeling the silks and satins of her neighbours this evening, so as to find fault with their texture, if thin, and the extravagance of their owners, if other- wise. She has been grumbling to every one that the room is so badly lighted, good dresses are lost in the dim and gloomy apartment. I shall propose to Sir Hercules to have shelves put up on the wall for those old chaperons, with chandeliers in front of them to show off their velvets to the best advantage ; when they will be out of all danger themselves from heels and spurs, and be deprived of the power of annoying others. Capital idea, isn't it ? A very vulgar party this. Judge! When the guests that are invited do come, it's not fair to send to the highways and byways for others. In the olden time, we are told, it was only when a man's friends declined, that a press-warrant issued to man the tables with the first poor devils that could be found going to bed supperless/ " The party now began to move towards the supper- u LIFE IN A COLONY. 115 room, which generally presents more attractions to persons who stand less in need of refreshments than those who have been fatigued or exhausted with dancing. The tables were tastemlly and beautifully arranged; but the effect was much injured by the profuse and substantial character of some of the viands, which the number and quality of the guests rendered necessary. Whatever doubt there might have been as to the pos- sibility of a ball conferring happiness, there could be none as to the enjoyment derived from the supper. In approving or partaking, nearly all seemed to join ; few claimed exemption from age, and no one objected to a vis-ct-vis ; and, if some had danced with all their hearts, an infinitely greater number eat and drank with as much relish as if eating and drinking were as unusual a thin^ as waltzing. " I looked, but in vain, for my cynical companion, Mrs. Blair, to draw her attention to my friend, the midshipman, who had evidently made a prize of the strange sail, and was behaving with the utmost gene- rosity and kindness to the vanquished. He insisted upon filling her plate with every thing within reach ; and when it could hold no more, surrounded it with tenders, deeply laden with every variety of supply. Nor did he forget champagne, in which he drank to the fair one''s health, to their better acquaintance, and to a short cruise and speedy return ; and then, pro- testing it was all a mistake to suppose he had already done so, apologized for his neglect, and repeated the draughts till his eyes sparkled as bright as the wine. He cut the large cake before him, and helped his partner to a liberal share, complaining all the time that the knife was desperately dull ; that it was the severest cutting-out service he was ever employed in ; and vowed that the steward ought to have three dozen for his carelessness. He succeeded, however, at last in effecting the inqision, and brought away several folds of a three-cornered piece of napkin, exactly fitting the slice, which had impeded the progress of his knife. 116 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, w. mU * '■ 13 i) ■ 11 I*: m If 1^* As he deposited this trophy of his skill and strength on the piate, he said, in an under tone, * It only wanted a x^ng to make it complete ;^ whereat the lady s face was suffused with blushes and smiles, and, holding; up her glass, she said, * A very little wine, if you please/ Complying with this request, and filling his own, they pledged each other again ; and something was looked, and something was thought, and something was felt, though not expressed on that occasion, that, notwithstanding Mrs. i31air'8 theory to the contrary, looked to me uncommonly like happiness. " Miss Schweineimer was no less pleased, though she thought that the sandwiches were rather bitey ; and the little red things in the pickles, to which Trotz had helped her, the hottest, not to be a fire, she had ever tasted, for they burned her tongue so as to make tears trickle down her cheeks. " * Do look !' said a young lady near me to Mrs. Smythe — *do look at that strange creature covered with pink bows, and yellow glass buttons in them ; she is actually eating her supper backwards ! She be- gan with firuits, and then proceeded to confectionary and jellies, and so on, and is now winding up with the breast and leg of a turkey ! Who is she, and where does she come fi'om f " ' Her name is Whetstone ; I will introduce you to her, by and by.' " * No, thank you ; Td rather not.' ^^ ' The place is unpronounceable. It is Scissiboo- goomish-cogomah, an Indian word, signifying The Witch's Fountain.' " * Ah, indeed ! she is a fit representative.' " The inventor of shelves for the chaperons now accosted me again. " ' I should have liked, Jud^e, to have had the pleasure of taking wine with you, out really Sampson's wine is not fit to drink ; he seems to have lowered his standard of taste to suit the majority of his guests. Did you ever see any thing so disgusting as the quan- if LIFE IN A COLONY. 117 titles of things with which the tables are loaded, or the gross appetites with which they were devoured ? It is something quite shocking ! He is ruining the state of society here. These people realize our ideas of the harpies :— Diripuuntque dapes, contactuque omnia foedant In mundo. J3y the way, a little man, with a face like a squeezed lemon, has done me the honour to notice me once or twice to-night, with a half familiar and half obsequious nod, whom I have been at a loss to make out. The supper-table has betrayed him at last ; for its resem- blance to his own counter (for he keeps a confectionary- shop in the country) put him at ease in a moment. He is the most usefiil person here.** ** A message from Sir Hercules to his aide, Mr. Trotz, brought him to his feet, muttering, as he rose, his discontent in very audible tones. The renewal of the music in the ball-room at the same time intimated that the last dance was about to be commenced. " * You ainH going, Mr. Trotz, are you V said Miss Schweineimer, who had unconsciously been the object of many impertinent remarks during the last half hour. * Pray try one of those custards before you go ; they are so good ! Do, just to please me. You know I ate those lery pickles, because you asked me f and she handed him a liquid one, contained in a small circular glass. " To tne astonishment of every body, he complied with her request ; but, being in a hurry to attend to the Governor's wishes, drank it oif without the aid of a spoon, and replaced the glass on the table. In a moment he became dreadftilly pale, and, putting his handkerchief to his ff,ce, exclaimed — " * Good heavens, the mustard-pot !** and left the room in convulsive agony from the effects of this powerful emetic, and disappeared amid the malicious laughter and uproarious delight of all those whom 118 THE OLD JUDGE; OR, m II'-. 1 4. 18 i .■]• 3 m Uc: X' he had at one time or another annoyed by his inso- lence. '* * Well, I never !' said the young lady : * it looks as like a custard-glass as two peas, don't it ? and it^s the identical colour, too ? I am sorry it's done ; but Vd rather it had happened to him than any one else ; for I believe in my soul he gave me the red hot pickles a-purpose. I am up sides with him, at any rate/ " * So would I, my dear,*" said Mrs. Smythe ; * but don't say so; here, you must always appear to be sorry for an accident. Let me introduce you to Mr. Able, assistant-surgeon of the Jupiter ; for this is the last dance, and he 11 tell you where the red pickles grow. I really love you, for putting that trick upon that horrid Trotz.' " ' I assure you it was a mistake....' ** * That's right, dear; look innocent, and say it was a mistake.'* " 'But I assure you....' " * Oh, of course ! you really do it very well. You are a capital scholar !' " The last dance lasted for a long time ; for the termination of every thin^ agreeable is always deferred to the utmost moment of time. At li'^-gth the band played ' God save the King !' which was tKe oI^r>-al for parting, and the company took leave and disap- peared in a few minutes, with the exception of the awkward squad that first arrived. Owmg to their having made a mistake in the hour, or forgotten to give orders as to the time their carriages were to come for them, they were again doomed to annoy the guber- natorial party, and to be no less perplexed and bored themselves. '* Such were my last reminiscences of Government House ; and, from what I hear, it has not at all im- {)roved of late years. Don't let me be misunderstood, lowever. I do not give you this as a sketch of society at Hali&x, but of a promiscuous ball at Government House: nor are the people whom I have described LIFE IN A COLONY. 119 samples of the whole company ; but some of them are specimens of that part of it who ought never to have been there/* CHAPTER VI. THE OLD ADMIRAL AND THE OLD GENERAL. The quiet inn in which I have been domiciled ever since I arrived at Illinoo was yesterday the scene of the greatest disorder and confusion. Shortly after breakfast, a party of midshipmen, mounted on horse- back, dashed into the courtyard during a violent thunderstorm, with the speed and clatter of a charge of cavalry. The merry crew at once dispersed them- selves over every part of the house, which rang with their loud and long- continued peals of laughter. Their number was soon increased by the addition of three or four young women, who joined in their play with equal noise and delight, chasing their tormentors, or flying in affright at their rudeness, or quietly enjoying with them a game of leapfrog in the passages. My landlady, Mrs. Smith, was in despair. All her remonstrances were met either with the response that she was a beauty without paint, an angel, a cherub, and a divine creature, or an invitation to join in their sport. An officer''s wife, who was awaiting the arrival of her husband from Fredericton, was so alarmed and annoyed at the indecent behaviour of the juvenile party, that she summoned the hostess, and announced her mtention of immediately leaving the house. " I am shocked and frightened oeyond measure," she said, *' at your permittmg those young gentlemen to make such a riot ; but, more than all, am I hor- rified at the behaviour of your housemaids, who are the most forward, romping, and shameless young women I ever beheld. I just now rang my bel^, which was answered by the one who calls cerself Charlotte, the pretty girl with the curly head of golden *t m if . hi- lt ■!■ 1*-% 120 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, hair. ' Fasten my dress,' said I. * Yes, ma'am,' she replied; and before I knew what she was about, or could find words to express my surprise, my stays were nearly undone, and my clothes unfastened. ' Oh ! I beg your pardon, ma'am,' she said, on being repri- manded for the mistake ; * I thought you said unrig. I'll reave it up in a minute.' When this was effected, she said, * I'm blowed if I can find the hooks ! are they on the larboard or starboard side 2' — * Don't use those dreadful words,' I replied : ' you have learned them from those rude young midshipmen, who appear to have turned your head. Take care of yourself; for they are reckless creatures — here to-day, and gone to- morrow, and do not care what they say or do.' What do you think, Mrs. Smith, was the reply of that bold, impudent creature ? I could scarcely believe my ears. *0h, ma'am,' she said, *they are such nice young gentlemen, and so handsome, too, a body can't refuse them any thing ; and, besides, I don't see any great harm in kissing. If you were to try....' — * Leave my presence directly,' I said ; ' how dare you address me in that manner! Where is your mistress?' — 'Up aloft, ma'am.' ' Aloft again ! poor lost creature, dead to all sense of shame, whatever ; I pity you, from the bottom of my heart. Send your mistress to me.'- Now, Mrs. Smith, I have never been so vexed and insulted in my life, and I have sent for you to inform you I shall remove to another inn." My poor unoffending landlady excused herself as well as she was able for an occurrence which she could neither foresee nor control. She said she was happy to say, for the credit of her household, that she had no such maid as Charlotte, nor one female in her esta- blishment that would think of acting or talking as she had done. That that person must been the Honour- able Mr. Hawson, who, with two others, borrowed female attire, while their own was drying at the fire, as they had no clothes with them but what they had on when they arrived ; and that the romping girls who 'Im LIFE IN A COLONY. 121 played leapfrog were, in fact, no other than midship- men. She added, that nothing of the kind could occur again, as they had just set out on their return to Halifax ; and she hoped that nobody would be ridden over or killed, for they started at full gallop, waving their caps and cheering each other as they went. The Judge was a good deal amused at the story, and laughed heartily over it. "I am a good sailor,*" he said, " and fond of the sea, and so well acquainted with the manly bearing and noble qualities of our seamen, that I make every allowance for the irrepressible delight and inexhaus- tible fiin and frolic of these youngsters, when just landed from a cruise. Whatever croakers may say about the condition of the navy, it is in as efficient a state as ever it was, and, when occasion requires, will give as good an account of itself. The Lieutenants are, in my opinion, as a class, in reference to their numbers, the most active, intelligent, and valuable body of men to be found in any branch of public ser- vice in any country in the world. In former years, I used to see a great deal of the navy, but, alas ! all my old friends are now either superannuated or dead. " During the war, when the whole fleet of one hun- dred sail rendezvoused at Halifax, such scenes as you have described were of constant occurrence, and the town was daily amused or disturbed by pranks of the sailors. I remember one piece of absurdity that occa- sioned a good deal of laughter ait the time. At the period I am speaking of, before the expensive under- ground reservoirs were cut out of the rock on which the town stands, the streets were sometimes rendered almost impassable, from standing pools of water. A sailor, seemg a lady contemplating in despair one of these lagoons, took her up most gallantly in his arms, and, wading through it, safely deposited her on the other side. Alarmed at the suddenness of the trans- portation, she scolded her escort, in no measured terms, for the liberty he had taken, when he mounted 122 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, P r r her again on his shoulders, and, carrying her back, replaced her where he had found her, humbly begging pardon, and hoping he had rectified his error. " The story of the man who laid a drunken ship- mate at the feet of Captain Coffin, saying, ' Here's a dead man for you !' was one that that eccentric officer was always very fond of relating, as illustrative of the humour of poor Jack. " Nova Scotia was then the principal naval station on this side of the Atlantic, but now shares that honour with Bermuda ; the Admiral residing in the summer at the former, and during the winter months at the latter place. The noble harbour of Halifax is one of the best, perhaps, in the world : its contiguity to Canada and the United States, its accessibility at all seasons of the year, and its proximity to England, (being the most Eastern part of this continent) give it a decided advantage over its rival ; while the frightful destruction of stores at Bermuda, from the effects of the climate, its insalubrity, and the dangers with which it is beset, have never failed to excite astonishment at the want of judgment shown in its selection, and the utter disregard of expense with which it has been attended. The dockyard at Halifax is a beautifiil establishment, in excellent order, and perfect of its kind, with the sin- gular exception of not having the accommodation of a dock from which it derives its name. This deficiency was severely felt during the late war, and even in these peaceable times is a source of great inconvenience, ex- pense, and delay. The arrivai of the Admiral, in the spring, is always looked forward to with anxiety and pleasure, as it at once enlivens and benefits the town. Those common demonstrations of respect, salutes, pro-* claim the event, which is soon followed by the equally harmless and no less noisy revels of sailors, who give vent to their happiness in uproarious merriment. The Admiral is always popular with the townspeople, as he often renders them essential services, ana seldom or never comes into collision with them. He is inde^ LIFE IN A COLONY. 123 pendent of them, and wholly disconnected with the civil government. ' Lucky fellow !' as Sir Hercules Sampson, the Governor, once said ; ' he has no turbu- lent House of Assembly to plague him.' " On an eminence immediately above the dockyard is the official residence, a heavy, square, stone build- ing, surrounded by massive walls, and resembling, in its solidity and security, a public asylum. The en- trance is guarded by two sentinels, belonging to that gallant and valuable corps, the marines, who combine the activity of the sailor with the steadiness and disci- pline of the soldier, forming a happy mixture of the best qualities of both, and Tbearing very little resem- blance to either. ' These amphibious troops,' my old friend. Sir James Capstan, used to say, 'are very much in the way on board of a ship, except in an action, and then they are always in the right place.' " This was no mean praise for a man who thoroughly detested them, for an insult his dignity once suffered from them, which he never forgot or fergave. Upon one occasion, I attended divine service with him, on board of his magnificent fiag-ship, the Graball. The discipline, in those days, was dreadfully severe, and, I may add, unmercifiil. The men were punished so often and so cruelly, that they became desperate, and mutiny and desertion were things of frequent occur- Scarcely a day passed without the loss of a rence. man ; and even the extreme penalty of death, which was the inevitable consequence of such crimes, did not check their desire to escape from the service. The chaplain took the opportunity to preach against deser- tion, and selected, for his text, tne eleventh verse of the sixth chapter of Nehemiah — ' And I said, should such a man as I flee V He enlarged upon the duty of sailors to be obedient to those who were set in autho- rity over them, and to continue true to their engage- ments, and enforced every exhortation by a repetition of his text. He then concluded, by an eloquent appeal to their feelings ; first eulogizing tneir coolness and in- G 2 •C', 124 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, lili: r,|." &' \r ^11 trepidity in danger, and then calling upon them to stand by their king and country, and maintain the honour of both, and slowly and emphatically reite- rated, * And I said, should such a man as I flee V — ' No,' said a voice, which arose from among the ma- rines, and was evidently the effect of ventriloquism — ' no, d — ^n you ! you are too well paid for that !** A loud, long-drawn breathing, was audible among the men, who, feeling that something atrocious had been done, which, in all probability, would be followed by some terrible retribution, while an ill-suppressed titter was heard among the junior oflicers, at the suddenness and quaintness of the retort. The chaplain paused, and looked at the Admiral, and the Admiral glared at the men, as if he could annihilate them all. Im- mediate inquiry was made, and the strictest examina- tion of every individual instituted, accompanied by a positive declaration that the whole ships company should be whipped, unless the culprit was given up. The secret, however, was never divulged, nor the threat of indiscriminate punishment carried into effect. " More attention to the comfort of the men, greater regularity, and less caprice in their management, and a scale of punishment more proportioned to offences, have rendered flogging almost unnecessary, and executions of very rare occurrence. Poor fellows ! their lives are hard and perilous, but their hardships and perils are occasionally aggravated by the tyranny of their superiors. Admirals, though they vary in size, temperament, and talent, all, more or less, bear the same characteristic stamp. The difference is one of class. For instance, there is your Admiral that is sent out to die. Rising alone and unaided in the service, it U late in life before he attains to the honours of his profession, and, when he does, his palsied hand can scarcely grasp his commission. Poor man ! his reign is short ; for his life expires before his period of ser- vice has terminated. " Then there is your Admiral that comes out to m t| Clos the say^ for, thei chai whid Ws nisi natil in LIFE IN A COLONY. 125 make money. He has noble connections, or parlia- mentary interest, and his services through life have consequently been v" ily appreciated and promptly re- warded. Though he entered the navy many years after the aged man who preceded him in the com- •mand, he is in fact scarcely his junior in rank, so rapid has been his promotion. He has come to make money — but, alas ! money is no longer to be made. The steamers carry all the coin and bullion which were formerly transported by men-of-war, and the Admiral, like others, is reduced to his pay, his rations, and his grog. " Then comes an Admiral, because it cannot be helped. He is old, and has been long since tbrgotien, especially as he never performed any services worth remembering : but his name is on the list, and he can- not be passed over. He is accordiuajly traced to hi« agents, and from thence to Oheltenha -' , and again to a cottage surrounded by every plant of every part of the world that will endure the damp and sunless climate of England. The gate of this museum of relics and curiosities is opened by a servant, dressed in a pair oi loose duck trowsers, a check shirt, and white canvass shoes, who gives a twitch with both hands to his waist- band, a knowing nod with his head, and, looking at the postman with a mischievous air, as if he would de- light in tripping up his heels and scattering his letters in the street, says, ' Well, master, what cheer now ? Closing the door on the impatient visitor, he reads on the letter the words, * On His Majesty's Service;' and says, musingly, ' Some musty old return, I suppose ; for, as for service, we are hardly seaworthy now.' He then proceeds into a little room hung round with charts, spy-glasses, swords, and pistols, and shelves on which are exhibited South Sea war-clubs, idols, ostrich eggs, and curious feathers, the mantelpiece being gar- nished with an extensive collection of the pipes of all nations : at one end of the apartment is a hammock, in which reposes the unconscious commander-in-chief 126 THE OLD .TinCiE; OR, |t''^„' ' of the North American and West Indian station. In a short time, the Uttle occupant of the little cottage is transported to Portsmouth, where he hoists his flag as Admiral on board of one of the noble seventy-four gun ships in that harbour, and sets sail for Halifax or Ber- muda. He comes, because it couldn't be helped. " Fighting Admirals are, happily, not required ; and, when the day of need comes, they will no doubt bo found, as they always have been, among that numerous class of officers who enjoy the benefit of experience without the infirmities of age. Admirals agam, even of the same classification, notwithstanding this strong family-likeness to each other, equally differ in pecu- liarities, which, however, affect their subordinates rather than civilians. They are generally uncomfort- able inmates on board ship. There is your Admiral who never reads ; he is an intolerable bore to the flag- captain, whom etiquette requires to attend him on deck and amuse him. He acts the part of dry nurse, and longs to be relieved from his charge. " Then, there is your married Admiral, whose ladies will violate all rules, by sitting on forbidden parts of the ship, and insisting on his ordering sail to be shortened unnecessarily to appease their fears, while their horses, carriages, cows, cats, dogs, birds, and furniture, encumber the ship to the annoyance of everybody. They are very ungallantly styled live lumber by Jack, and voted a nuisance, a terra of re- proach which is somewhat compensated for by the evident admiration with which even the plainest of their sex are regarded in a place where women are such a rarity that a petticoat is looked upon as the attribute of Divinity. " Then, there is the Admiral who does everything, and he who does nothing. The first is adored by the whole fleet, for a sense of justice pervades all his acts : services are rewarded, grievances redressed, and every body and everything kept in their place. Where the secretary rules all and does all, favouritism is dis- LIFE IN A COLONY. 127 In gun covered or Huspocted ; and, like all favouritcH, he is exceedingly unpopular with evervbody but his master. Such are the men who so rapidly succeed each other in the command on this station. "The old Admiral and the old General (for the Governor is almost always a military man) are the two highest officials in the colony ; each have their staff and their guards, and each their little empire to rule. The one is a despotic and the other a constitutional monarch, and severally participate in the convenience or disadvantage of their respective systems. The one promulgates his own laws, and issues his orders on his own responsibility, which are implicitly obeyed. The other summons a parliament, and assembles around him his little Lords and Commons, and receives rather than gives law. He is not the machinery itself, but only a part of it — a sort of pendulum, that, by an equal vibration, balances and regulates the motions of both sides. They reside at different ends of the town, and love to reign apart from each other ; a united service being incompatiole with the habits and disci- pline of both. There is a marked difference in their Dearing. " The Admiral is a plain, unaffected man, with a frank and cordial manner, somewhat positive in his language, and having a voice that carries authority in its very tones. He is always popular, for he con- verses so freely and affably with every one, especially with the chronometer-maker, whom he visits daily, and instructs in the mysteries of taking observations of the sun. He delights in hoisting a mast into a disabled merchantman, provided the skipper will stand out of the way during the operation, and hold his tongue about matters of which it is impossible he can know anything ; or in sending a hundred men to warp a vessel out of a place of danger ; or in exhi- biting the agility and boldness of his sailor in extin- guishing a fire that defies the efforts and appals the courage of landsmen. He is liberal in his expenditure, 128 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, kSi >i I and subscribes munificently to every object of public charity. " The old General is erect and formal, and is com- pelled to be ceremonious in defence of his prerogative and station. He is also reserved and cautious, afraid to commit himself by promises or opinions, and, whenever practicable, shelters himself behind gene- ralities. There is an apparent object in his con- descension ; he is desirous of standing well with the community, for much of his success depends upon his personal influence. The public have a claim upon and an interest in him ; for, though appointed by the Crown, he is their Governor, and they take the liberty of criticizing him. The one, therefore, naturally and unconsciously wins the good will of people, and the other labours to conciliate it. Popularity follows one, and is wooed by the other. Their mode of life and style of entertainment, too, are equally dissimilar. '* The Admiral has nothing to do with the legis- lature, a sort of impertum in imperio, which he is not altogether able to understand, and whose remon- strances look very like mutiny to him, and always suggest the idea of arrest and court-martial. The country members, therefore, are not seen at his table, nor do their wives and daughters grace his evening parties. He is free and unfettered in the choice of his society, and can select his associates from such portion of the community as he pleases. His household is principally composed of his attendants at sea, who know nis habits and humours, and can accommodate themselves to them. His favourites, unlike those of the other, who are always courtiers or politicians, are a large Newfoundland dog, or a frolicksome goat, called the Uommodore, who knocks over the unwary in- truder, to the infinite amusement of the numerous domestics. The only part of his establishment that is refractory are his sheep, which, notwithstandins^ that the boatswain, boathook in hand, has been transformed ipto a shepherd, are constantly breaking bounds, leap- LIFE IN A COLONY. 129 ing the stone walls, and scampering over the country. His kitchen-garden is the best in the place, and he prides himself not a little on his heads of cabbages and lettuces, which, he says, are the whitest and hardest that ever were seen ; and in his poultry- yard, where white ducks, polar geese, guinea-hens, pea- cooks, and Portugal fowls, sailor-like, are enjoying a run on shore, and vie with each other in making the most discordant sounds. His carriage bears the same striking dissimilarity to the GeneraPs. The latter is a state affair, displaying gay trappings and liveried servants ; the former an unpretending, convenient, little low-wheeled covered waggon, drawn by one stout horse, and driven at a slow pace by his secretary, in which he daily perambulates the unfrequented streets as well as the thoroughfares of the town. His dinner parties, also, are less formal. People are expected to speak above a whisper, or they cannot be heard, and to be at home, or they cannot be agreeable. The dinner itself has a smack of the sea ; the dishes have a higher seasoning and a stronger flavour of vege- tables, while the forbidden onion lurks stealthily con- cealed under the gravy. It is more abundant and substantial, and the decanters have a quicker pace and travel, as if time were short, and a walk on deck was soon apprehended. The servants move faster, though more noisily, and retain a sidelong motion, bracing out their leet, and hold &st the dishes as if they momentarily expected a lurch, and were prepared to maintain tlieir equilibrium. Their apparel, too, is in character— slightly varied, in some instances, and in others not at all, from the regulation dress ; while the butler (who is occasionally heard to order, in an under tone. Boy George to bear a hand, and Bill Gibson to stow away the dishes), instead of looking like his landlubber brother at Government House, heavy, corpulent, and rosy, is a thin, sunburnt, weather- beaten man, who has visited all parts of the world, and undergone the vicissitudes of every climate, and g5 i ■ill ■ li I 1% m I 130 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, appears to have selected his wines in the region in which they were made. The conversation, also, is unlike that at the palace, having no reference what- ever to local matters. You hear nothing of the Mer- rygomish Bridge, the election at Port Medway, or the alteration of tne road at Aspatangon, to which the Governor is compelled to listen, and, at each repe- tition, appear as much interested as ever. " The sea is the sailor's home, and his topics are drawn from every part of the globe. When at the Ad- miral's table, therefore, you forget you are in Halifax. The following scraps of conversation that reach your ear convince you that you are not among pro- vincials, but men of the world. " ' You drive a wild horse into the stream, whom the electric eel immediately attacks ; after a few shocks, he exhausts his muscular powers, and you may seize him with impunity. They are occasionally found six feet in length.' " ' The Oanopus was one of Napoleon's ships. She was built of Adriatic oak, and, old as she is, is one of the soundest and fastest vessels in the navy.' * I don't think any thing of her age, and, as for the timber, it is not to be compared to £no;lish oak : last year, I saw in the harbour of St. John a mer- chantman, that was employed by General Wolf, as a transport, at the siege of Quebec' " ' A double-bedded room does not mean, in the States, a room with two beds, but a bed with two persons in it. During the great embargo, I happened to be at Oharlestown, South Carolina, when the land- lord proposed to me to sleep with a dirty-looking foreign officer. If I cauxiot have a separate bed, I said, I prefer sitting before the fire all night to sleep- ing with that d — d Eussian ! Is he a Russian, sir ? said a tall, thin, inquisitive Yankee, that stood listen- ing to the conversation — is he a Russian ? I'll take hi 1, then, if it convenes you, stranger. I should rather like it, for I never slept with a Russian.' LIFE IN A COLONY. 131 " ' Cape Breton was onco a separate government, and that little village, Sidney, was the capital. When I commanded the Linnet, I put in there for a supply of coal. The Governor, who was the most extraordinary f>erson I ever met, told me his Chief Justice had passed lim in the street without touching his hat to him, and asked me if I did not think such insolence would justify him in removing him from his office. Upon my answering in the negative, he said, Til tell you what rU do. By Jove, I will declare martial law, try him at the drum-head, tie him up, and give him three dozen !' " ' The Chinese regard these matters very philoso- phically. When Elliot was cannonading the forts above Canton, an officer came off with a flag of truce to one of the ships, and told the Captain that he thought the effusion of human blood both useless and wicked. If you no fire iron plumbs, then I no fire iron plumbs. You bang away powder for half an hour, and so will I ; then I will run away, and you come and take the fort.' " ' It depends upon what part of the coast you are on. The Gambia is by no means unhealthy, un- less, perhaps, at the rainy season. It is a magnificent country ; I penetrated three hundred miles into the interior, and the forest is like a vast umbrageous park. I recollect riding one moonlight night through where I was struck by the sound of the tinkling of innumer- able little silver bells, which appeared to be attached to all the trees. It was the African nightingale, with which the forest was filled. I shall never forget the effect ; it was the sweetest and most charming thing I ever heard.' " ' He told me very gravely he saw a man breaking a horse at Rio, upon which he had fastened a monstrous pair of magnifying glasses, and, on inquiring of the fellow what was the object of putting spectacles on a horse, he replied that it was done for the purpose of giving him a good action, for, by enlarging every ob- \n I r, h ill £,.J ^11 lii' 132 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, ject on the road, it made him step high to avoid it. He told the story so often that he began to believe it himself at last/ ** All this might as well have been said at Ports- mouth or Plymouth as at Halifax, but is more agree- cMe at the latter place than elsewhere, because it is a relief to the monotonous conversation of a provincial town. " The evening parties are much the same as those at Government House, which I have already described to you, but have more naval and fewer military officers, which, in a ball-room, is a decided improve- ment. Your subaltern, when he has taken his first lesson in ^ soldiering ^ in England, of which, by the by, he is rather ashamed, for it is by no means the most fashionable amusement in that country, and lands in a colony, is rather a supercilious young gentleman, that finds nothing good enough for him. He talks to young ladies of Almacks, where he has never been ; of the Opera, to which his mamma took him in the vaca- tion ; and La Blache, Catalani, or Grisi, whom, if he has not seen, he has often heard of. He thinks it be- neath his dignity to dance — the 10th never dance — why should he \ But the days of puppyism soon pass away, when their eyes are opened and they see as well, and become as agreeable as other people. The dear little middy is a different sort of person alto- gether: he does not try to play the man — for he actually is one, a frank, jolly, ingenuous fellow. The cockpit is no place for affectation and nonsense, and, if by any chance they find their way there, they are ex- pelled forthwith by common consent. There is no pity or sympathy, even for the real distress of an * exmiisite.' "1 recollect an anecdote of poor Theodore Hook's on this subject. I never knew, he said, but one in- stance of real sympathy. I was in an outward bound man of war off the Cape of Good Hope : the weather was very stormy, the sea ran mountains high, and the LIFE IN A COLONY. 133 no an ship laboured dreadfully. One niffht I put on my dreadnought coat and norwester hat, and went on deck. It was so dark, and the rain falling in torrents, it was difficult at first to distinguish objects. The boatswain was pacing to and fro as usual on his watch, and I held on by the rigger, for the purpose of ascer- taining his opinion of the probability of a change of weather, when I heard a voice like that of a child cry- ing. The sailor and I both approached the spot to- gether whence the sound issued, where we found a little midshipman weeping bitterly, as he clung to the weather bulwarks to protect himself from the storm. ' Hullo ! who are you that are blubbering like a baby there V said the veteran, in a voice that resembled the roll of a drum. ' Lord Windlas, sir,' was the reply. ' Who the devil sent you here V * My father, sir.' ' More fool he for his pains ! — he ought to have kept you at school. Did you cry when you left homef ' Yes, sir,' said the little fellow, releasing his hold, and putting both fists to his eyes, as if to stop the gushmg tears. ' And your mother, did she cry V * Ye-es, sir.' The old tar paused for a moment as if touched by this instance of maternal tenderness, and at last said, in a voice of great feeling, ' Poor old devil !' and, twitching up his waistbands, resumed his walk. Now that, said Hook, was the only instance of real sympathy I ever saw. * Poor old devil !' how much those words convey when they come from the heart ! " But to return to what I was talking of. A man- of-war is a capital school to train a youngster in. Take a military man out of his profession, and to a certain extent he is a helpless being. A sailor, on the contrary, is self-relying, bold, hardy, and well ac- quainted with everything that is useful for makin? his way in the world. This is the reason why a soldier seldom succeeds, and a seaman rarely fails, when they retire from their respective services and settle in the colonies. 134 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, .'( H a regatta " The Admiral again is at home at he is once more afloat and in his own element. The first one that was ever held at Halifax was patronised by my friend Sir James Capstan. He and 1 had been boys together at school, and even, at that early period, I was always known as ' Old Sandford,^ an appellation probably derived either from the sedateness or awk- wardness of my manner. We had lost sight of each other fo" many years, when I was surprised and de- lighted at hearing that he had arrived at Halifax as Commander-in-Chief on this station. ' Good heavens ! here is Old Sandford,** he said, as he saw me ad- vancing towards him. Alas ! what had begun in jest time had turned into reality. I had, indeed, become an aged man. ' My good friend,' he said, 'your country has had more than its share of your time and attention. I must monopolize you now while you are in Halifax, for we have our mutual histories to relate, and much to say to each other. To-morrow we are to have a regatta. I suppose it would be infra dig. for the old Judge and the old Admiral to dance a jig together, before the youngsters, but FU tell you what, old boy, I don^t know what you can do — but I could dance one yet, and, by Jove ! when we are alone this evening, we will try. It will remind us of old times. What has become of the Smiths I — monstrous fine galls those — I have often thought of them since.' ' Dead !' ' Dead ! the devil they are ! how shocking ! and those two romping little Browns ? married, I suppose, and have romping little daughters.' I shook my head. ' Gone, too,' I said. ' You forget that forty years have passed since they were young, and that the greater part of that generation has passed away.' ' Well, thank God, you and I, old fellow, have not passed away ! I don't know what you intend to do, but I have no idea of going yet, if 1 can help it. I am worth a dozen dead men, and so are you.' While active employment had kept him so busy that he ap- peared not to have been aware of the lapse of years, LIFE IN A COLONY. 135 time also had passed h:' n without notice : his spirits were as buoyant and joyous as ever. '* The following day was as brilliant and as propi- tious as could be desired, and at an early hour tne harbour was covered with boats filled with light hearts and merry faces. The noble ship, the Graball, was taste- fully decorated with flags of every variety and colour, and presented a gay and beautiful appearance. Every convenience that ingenuity could invent, or delicacy suggest, was provided for the comfort and accommoda- tion of the guests ; every arrangement was perfect, with the single exception, as a young lady observed, with some degree of regret, that there was not a single pin on the toilet-table of the dressing-room. " Soon after the company arrived, and while the Admiral was surrounded by a numerous assemblage of ladies, a little flotilla of canoes was observed advancing from the opposite shore of Dartmouth, led by a rival officer, the Commander-in-Chief of his own navy, Admiral Paul, the Indian. He was a tall, well made, active man, in the prime of life. He was dressed in a frock-coat with red facings, secured round the waist by a sash of scarlet wampum ; his feet were ornamented with a pair of yellow moccasins, with a white and blue edging, curiously wrought with the quills of the por- cupine. A military cap (a present from some officer of the garrison) completed his equipment. He ap- proached the quarter-deck with an ease and elegance of motion that art can never supply, and, addressing Sir James, said, ' Are you the Admiral V ' Yes !' ' So am I : I am Admiral Paul — all same, you see, as one brudder.'' " Paul, notwithstanding that his manner was so natural and unaffected, was a great rogue withal, and found it convenient to invest himself with two com- missions. With the officers of the navy he was an Admiral, and with Sir Hercules Sampson he was a Governor. He was, therefore, to use his own lan- guage, ' all same as one brudder' with both ; and, \h. ! I i..)' 136 THE OLD JUDGE } OR, standing on such a footing of intimacy, was enabled to receive fraternal assistance without any diminution of his dignity. He also had the misfortune to take * very big drinks,' which, though they did not lower the respect of his tribe for him, had the eflfect of set- ting them a very bad example. Upon one occasion, when he was soliciting a loan from the Governor, (for he never condescended to beg), he was unhappily intoxicated; his wants were liberally supplied upon condition that he should never appear at ' the Palace ' again, unless he was perfectly sober, an agreement into which he veir readily entered. About a fort- night afterwards he re(mired another loan, but the Governor refused it. 'DidnH you promise me never to let me see you tipsy again V he said. * Sartin !' he replied. * Why didn't you keep your word, then V * Sartm, I keep my word.' ' Why, you are drunk now, man.' ' Sartin,' he replied, very coolly, * sartin, but it's the same old drunk, though — Paul not been sober since — all same old drunk, Mr. Gubbernor.' The drollery of the reply has caused it to pass into a bye-word in this country. Uniform occupations, or frequent repetitions of the same thin^, are constantly denominated *the same old drunk. Having esta- blished his relationship to the Admiral, Paul thought the opportunity for obtaining a loan not to be omitted. 'AH same as one brudder, you see, Mr. Admiral, so please lend me one dollar.' The novelty of the ap- plication pleased my friend amazingly, and he gave him several, adding, very needlessly, that there was no necessity for returning them. Paul received them with an easy bow, and deliberately counted them, ''one, two, three, four, five, six ; and then, taking a fur pouch from the back part of his belt, in which were nis flint, steel, punk, and tobacco, he deposited them safely in it, and replaced it as before, merely observing, * Sartin, white Admiral makun money bery easy.' As he turned to depart, his countenance suddenly be- came very fierce. * Mr. Admiral,' he said, * do you LIFE IN A COLONY. 137 know that man V pointing to a young officer of the ship. ' Yes,' he replied, ' I know him ; he is one of my midshipmen.' * Sartin he one d — d rascal !' ' Tut, tut, tut !' said the Admiral. * Sartin, Mr. Admiral, he one d — d rascal ! he kissum my squaw yesterday.' ' Tut, tut, tut !' he replied again, waving his hand to him at the same time to go away, lest the further continuance of the conversation might prove inconvenient. ' Ah, Mr. Admiral,' he said with much animation, and he advanced a little, and hending for- ward held out his arm, in an attitude of elegance that a sculptor might envy, * ah, Mr. Admiral, if I kissum your squaw ' (pointing to Lady Capstan) * you no say Tut, tut, tut, man !' and he retired, not quite satisfied that justice had been done him. " Of the regatta, you will perhaps be surprised to hear that, in common with the young ladies, I saw but little. I have always regarded a boat-race as a very stupid, and a horse-race a very cruel thing. T never could take any interest in them, and to describe either would be to tell a thrice-told tale. The Admiral, however, entered into it with all his heart, and was delighted that the fishermen of Herring Cove and the eastern passage beat (as they always do) the barge of the man-of-war. He said it would take the conceit out of the lubbers, make them mind their eye for the future, for there was not a man in the ship could pull an oar properly. ^' I was more amused myself at what was passing around me. A dance on board ship is always more pleasant than in a ball-room, not that the latter IS less commodious or convenient, but because the former is a novelty. The decorations are diflferent, and even the natural obstacles of the place are either concealed with taste, or converted into objects of use or ornament. The effect is produced by great trouble and ingenu'.ty, and who are there who do not person- ally appropriate much of this as a compliment to them- selves \ The part of host is played not by one, but by 138 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, twenty, for every officer is interested in the honour of the ship, and the reputation of her hospitality ; and what cannot many hands, heads, and hearts accom- plish ? The dance (for, after all, though the regatta was the professed object, this was the real attraction, which was on the main deck), from the hour, the place, and the occasion, partook more of the character of a private party than a public entertainment, and was accordingly more agreeable, in proportion as it was icss formal. " ' Ah, Sandford,' said the Admiral, who was de- lighted beyond measure, ' I wish you had your robes on — we would try that jig now ; wouldn't we astonish the boys, eh 2 D — n them ! they look as solemn, and dance as heavily, as if they were stamping their feet to keep them warm at a funeral in winter ! Look at that dandy — it is half-past twelve o'clock with the navy, when you see such fellows as that on the quarter-deck. It was a bad day for the service when tne king sent his son to sea. It made it &shionable, and fashion plays the devil with a ship. We should always keep up the distinctions between the services. Let the army he fashionable, and the navy manly, and if they stick to that, they may keep their troops at home for parades and reviews, and we will do all the fighting for them :' and, lowering his voice, said, ' I don't know what you intend to do, but the sun is over the fore-yard, and I am going to have a glass of grog. I suppose it would horrify Sampson to ask him, for he is too fashionable for that, and, if he wasn't, his stock is buckled so tight, he couldn't bend his head back sufficiently to swallow it. He is not a bad fellow, though, after all, but he is one of the old school of pipeclay and pomatum soldiers, and is as stiff and starched as a snirt collar.' " In the midst of gaiety there is always sadness. The chords of pleasure are so interwoven with those of melancholy in the human mind, that it is difficult to touch the one without causing a vibration of the LIFE IN A COLONY. 139 grog. other. Like the strings of an ^olian harp, they all awaken to life under the influence of the same whisper- ing breeze, and blend their joyous notes and pensive wailings together. The Admiral seemed to be sen- sibly affected by this mysterious feeling. But it was a mere sudden emotion, as fleeting and as transitory as a cloud passing over the sun. " ' Sandford,** he said, * the other day — ^for it ap- pears no longer ago — I was a midshipman in this port — I am now commander-in-chief at the same place : that was my first, and this will be my last cruise in life, for, when I return home, I shall be put on the shelf, or perhaps converted into a sort of hulk, or receiving ship, an old port admiral : it is a short run we make of it in this life, after all, ain''t it ? How sad a thing ? Hullo, sir !' he said, calling out aloud to a servant, * if you don't know better than that, by Jove, 111 have you taught in a way you won't forget ! ril give you three dozen, as sure as you are born. D — n that fellow ! he has knocked all the sentimenta- lity out of me. And yet, I don't know but what I ought to thank him for it, for a man that talks foolishly, may soon begin to act foolishly. But come, old boy, let us have that glass of grog. " ' Talking of giving that fellow three dozen,"* he continued, * puts me in mind of a prank of my uncle, Sir Peter's. Previous to the American rebellion, he commanded a frigate on the Boston station : having put into one of the Puritanical ports of New England, he happened to dine on shore, and, as usual with him when not on board, got tipsy. The select men, who affected to be dreadfully shocked at such a bad example being set by people in high places, apprehended him, and put him m the stocks as a terror to all evil-doers. For once in his life (for he was a violent tempered man), he uttered no threats, and made no complaints, but quietly submitted himself to the inevitable insult. On the following day he called upon the committing magistrates, applauded their zeal and impartiality in It Tl' I 140 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, administerinff the law, and invited them to come and dine on board with him, as a proof that they no longer harboured any resentment against him for the heinous offence he had perpetrated. This they readily agreed to do, and were accordingly most kindly received and hospitably entertained, and enjoyed themselves exceed- ingly. As the time approached for their departure, a servant entered the cabin, and whispered to the custos that there was a gentleman above who desired to speak to him for a moment on urgent business. As soon as the Justice made his appearance on deck, the boat- swain seized him, stripped him, and, tying him up, gave a dozen lashes. Each of the others were severally summoned, and punished in a similar manner, when they were set on shore — the anchor was hoisted, and the vessel put under weigh for England.' " But to return to the party ; the company was a mixed one, every officer having invited his own friends, and some of them having made rather strange ac- quaintances.— I heard one of the young ladies object to a tune which she said was as old as * three grand- mothers ago,' and another observe that Lord Heather had his 'high and mighty boots on,' and was quite 'high- cock spotty' to-day. The sentiment was old, though the phraseology was novel, and it must be admitted that if there were nothing but proprieties in this life, we might, perhaps, lose in insipidity as much as we gained in refinement. The maxim that extremes meet was fully verified, for the smallest midshipman seemed to pride themselves on having the tallest partners. I heard one little fellow, who threw back his head and looked up at his chere amie, as if he were addressing the man at the mast-head, say, ' I hope you wiu keep a good look-out, or we shall run foul of the captain.' ' Starboard, Milne,' said one. — ' Larboard, Skipsey,' said another, while a third advised his friend, who appeared to be steering wildly, to * port his helm.' LIFE IN A COLONY, 141 T' ^reat object of attraction was an American heiress immense fortu. .* young lady from New Orleans. She was the daughter of an undertaker in that city, which was the best stand in the Union, as he boasted, for a man in his line of business. His coffins were made in Massachusetts by machinery, and served the double purpose of conveying ' New England notions'* to the Mississippi, and the dead to the church- yards. But, alas, for human expectations ! the deli- cate girl of a sickly climate, who had been enriched by the toll-house of the grave, vampire-like, was plethoric and heavy. She looked like an nospital nurse that faithfully delivered the medicines to the patients, and appropriated the wine and porter of the conva- lescents to herself. Never was there such a disap- pointment ; for, after all, it is easy to invest with divinity the being that presides over ^neral obsequies, and there is sublimity as well as poetry in the grave, but reptiles alone fatten on corruption. ' Stay, Bill,' said a little humourist to his companion, *• she may have a million of money, but Fm blowed if she is worth a d — ^n, after all !"* " If, however, she had thriven by caring for the dead, there was one of the company who was nearly worn out by caring for the living. He was an active little old man, with a benevolent though remarkably ugly face, and, judging by his dress, belonged to some public department. His head was uncommonly bald, and very nearly round, which, with the yellow tint of the skin, suggested the idea of a ball of soap that had fallen on the floor, and, rolling on the carpet, had gathered a few hairs. He attended at the ladder, and assisted the ladies in their ascent to the deck ; cau- tioned them against portholes and hatches, which, though closed, might open of themselves, and precipi- tate them either into the hold or the harbour ; pointed out the cannon, and entreated them not to stumble over them, as they might frccture their limbs ; and, above all, advised them not to stand in draughts, or 142 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, take ice-creams when they were heated. He hatl a long catalogue of accidents wherewith to illustrate every caution, and several ingenious inventions to counteract the effects of damps or chills. " The Admiral, whose attention was directed to him while he stood bowing to the ladies, and rubbing his hands, asked who that ' little wash-my-hand sort of a person was, and, on being informed that his name was Davis, recognised him as a barrack-master whom he had known at Malta, and immediately addressed him, complimenting him upon having * worn so well."* * Ah, my dear Sir James, he said, ' my good looks have ruined me. It is the worst thing in the world to have a juvenile face. The medical board refused to superannuate me last year, saying I was an active man yet, and fit for service. Most men like to look young, or to be thought young, but, alas ! my good looks have been a great misfortune to me. They nave broken my heart — yes, yes ! they will be the death of me yet. But don''t let me detain you here, sir, in the draught of this awning ; it is very dangerous, very liable to give cold, or bring on rheumatism — they are the cause of half the illness in the country ."* ' You should have stood in one of them yourself, then, my old friend,' was the good-humoured reply, ' before you applied to the board for your superannuation.' ** The lunch, which was a capital one, was a merry affair, and everybody seemed to enjoy themselves un- commonly. But where was there ever a midshipman without a practical joke attesting his presence ? The Governor's hat had exchanged its plume for a sprig of spruce, and a commissary-general, whose sv/ord-belt had been shortened so that it would no longer buckle round him, was heard to exclaim, * Good heavens ! is it possible, the luncheon could have made all this dif- ference in my size V " While roaming about the ship, I was a good deal surprised at the apathy of a sailor, who was sitting with his back turned to the gay scene, quietly stitching LIFE IN A COLONY. 143 a pair of shoes, with the most philosophical indifference to all that was passing around liiin. In reply to some remark I made on the subject of the party, ho said, ' Ah, sir, I have seen enough of them in my day — our part of the entertainment will come to-morrow, when we have to clear up the ship, which will be in a devil of a mess when it's all over/ " The big-wigs, as the naval and military com- manders-in-chief were called by the youngsters, were now preparing to go on shore, and the former pressed mo to accompany then). As they were about to de- scend the side of the ship, our old friend Paul made his appearance again. ' Ah, Mr. Gubbernor,' he said, ' sartain me lose very much yesterday — my camp all burned up — Paul very poor now.** ' I am very sorry tor you,"" was the reply. * Yed, brudder, but hosv much aie you sorry ? Are you sorry one pound V The ruse was successful, and the contribution, as a measure of grief, was paid to him. * And you, Mr. A.dmiral, how much you sorry V Another pound rewarded this appeal also. ' Thank you, bruaders — sartain white man's pocket, like brook, keep run all the time, and never get empty. Indian man's pocket all same as glass of rum, one drink, and it's all gone.' " We now left the ship ; and at the dockyard gate, where their respective carriages were in attendance, the old Admiral and the old General cordially shook hands with each other, and parted." CHAPTER VII. THE FIRST SETTLERS. Nothing astonishes the inhabitants of these colonies more than the poverty, ignorance, and degradation of the people who are landed upon their shores, from the passenger ships that annually arrive from Europe. The destitution of these unfortunate emigrants so far exceeds any thing ever seen among the native popula- 144 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, tion, that they cannot understand how it is possible that human beings can voluntarily surrender them- selves as willing victima to starvation, who have the bodilv strength to work, and the opportunities of earn- ing their bread, as it is well known they have in their own country. Although they are too often the dupes of demagogues themselves, they are too proud to receive alms, live in a country too poor to feed wilful idleness, and no man has ever yet had the hardihood to incite them to rapine and murder. Though neither frugal nor diligent, they cannot conceive a people being satisfied with less than a decent maintenance, or being so debased as to beg, or so wicked as to take by violence what they can earn by labour. They are a kind and affectionate people, and hear with horror of the atrocious crimes with which, alas ! so many of these strangers are familiar at home. A group of these unfortunate and misguided people, arriving at Elmsdale this morning, sought, or, I should rather say, demanded, pecuniary aid, for their tone was more exacting than supplicating. As they were all able-bodied men, they received an offer of em- ployment, which, they were informed, was the course usually adopted at that place, as best suited to the means of the proprietor, and the object they had in view, of earning a subsistence. This they refused, not uiily with incivility, but with a distinct avowal that, if they were in their own country, they would take a very summary modv9 of enforcing compliance with their wishes. " Oh,'' said the Judge, " what a change has come over this continent ! These men, who begin by begging or stealing, end by governing. Political power is pos- sessed by the mass, and this stream of pauperism in- creases and pollutes it ; and, whatever upont returned to France, while Poutrincourt, Champliin, Champdore,and others, crossed the bay to Saint Croix, and then continued their survey of the coast. In the mean time, Lescar- bot, who remained behind at Port Royal, was busily employed in the cultivation of the garden, harvesting the crop, completing the buildings, and visiting the encampments of the natives in the interior. " On the 14th of November, Poutrincourt returned from his exploring voyage, which had proved disas- trous, and was received with every demonstration of joy by the party at the fort. Lescarbot had erected a temporary stage, which he called the ' Theatre of Neptune, from which he recited a poetical address to his friend, congratulating him on his safe arrival, pro- bably the first verses ever written in North America. Over the gate were placed the royal arms of France, encircled with evergreens, with the motto, — ' DVO PROTEGIT VNVS.' " Above the door of the house of De Monts were h2 ' i 148 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, placed his arms, embellished in a similar manner, with the inscription, — * DABIT DEUS HIS QUOQUE FINEM.' " Poutrincourt's apartments were graced with the same simple decoration, having the classical super- scription, — * INVIA VIRTUTI NVLLA EST VIA.' " The manner in which they spent the third winter (1606-7) was social and festive. Poutrincourt esta- blished the order of ' Le Bon Temps,' of which the principal officers and gentlemen, fifteen in number, were members. Every one was maitre (ThStel in his turn for one day, beginning with Champlain, who was first installed into the office. The president, (whom the Indians called Atoctegi) having superintended the preparations, marched to the table, oaton in hand, with the collar of the order round his neck, and napkin on his shoulder, and was followed by the others succes- sively, each carrying a plate. The same form was observed at every meal ; and, at the conclusion of supper, as soon as grace was said, he delivered, with much gravity, his insignia of office to his successor, and pledged him in a cup of wine. The advantage of this insbitution was, that each one was emulous to be prepared for his day, by previously hunting or fishing, or purchasing fish or game of the natives, who con- stantly resided among them, and were extremely pleased with their manners. The chiefs of the savages were alone allowed the honour of sitting at their table ; the others partook of the hospitality of the kitchen. The abundance and variety of the fare this winter was a subject of no little boasting to Lescarbot, on his return to Europe, where he taunted the frequenters of la Rue aux Ours de Paris, (where was one of the first eating-houses of the day), that they knew nothing of the pleasures of the table who had not partaken of the beavers' tails, and the mouffles of the moose of Port m LIFE IN A COLONY. 149 his ers of first ng of [)f the Port Royal. The weather, meanwhile, was particularly mild and agreeable. " On the 14th of January, on a Sunday, they pro- ceeded by water two leagues, to a corn-field, where they dined cheerfully in the sunshine, and enjoyed the music of their fatherland. You will observe, there- fore, my dear sir, that, from the earliest account we have of this climate, it has always had the same character of variableness and uncertainty. The winter but one preceding this (when they were at St. Croix) was extremely severe ; and, we are informed, that that which succeeded it was remarkable for the most intense cold the Indians ever recollected. Their time, how- ever, was not devoted to amusement alone. They erected more buildings, for the accommodation of other adventurers, whom they expected to join them the following year, in making pitch for the repairs of their vessels, and, above all, in putting up a water- mill to grind their corn. In this latter attempt they completely succeeded, to their own infinite relief and the great amusement of the savages. Some of the iron work of this first North American mill is yet in existence, and another of the same kind (Easson's Mill) still occupies the ancient site. " You will, perhaps, smile at the idea of antiquities in a country which is universally called a new world ; but America has a great advantage over Europe in this respect, that it has a record of its birth, while the origin of the other is to be sought for in the region of fable. I am a native of this country, and this little settlement has always had great attractions for me, who am an old Tory, from its primogeniture being two years older than James Town, in V irginia, and three years senior to Quebec, which was settled twelve years before the landing of the Pilgrim Fathers in Massa- chusetts." 150 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, r-n ?i| CHAPTER VIII. MERRIMAKINGS. The shooting season having commenced most favourably this autumn, Barclay and myself spent a few days at Foxville, where the snipe are very abun- dant, and on our return tried, with great success, the copse that skirts the meadow between Elmsdale and Illinoo for woodcock. While crossing a little wooded promontory that intersected the alluvial land, and mterrupted our sport, I heard the shrill voice of a female at some little distance, in great apparent dis- tress ; and, stopping a moment to ascertam the direc- tion from whence the sound came, I distinctly heard the following extraordinary dialogue. " Oh, John ! my head ! my liead ! — let me die ! rd rather die ! — oh, John, do ! How can you act so ? Oh, let me die !" — ^to which the person appealed to so pathetically replied — " Oh, no, Sally, don''t be scared — it won't hurt you — live a little longer." " I tell you, rd rather die— I will die !'' " There, then, if you must die, die !" " Yes, but not so suddenly, John. Let me die easy !" Kushing forward with what speed I could, I sud- denly caught a view of a young woman, seated in a swing, suspended between two trees, having a rope attached to the seat, by means of yhich her com- panion forced her backwards and forwards, in her pen- dulous motion. The alarming language she had used, it appeared, was merely the technical term applied to the cessation of the impulse given by the ropes that regulated the movement. And dying, I found, to my surprise, meant not to cease to live, but to cease swinging. The fair one" who had so unconsciously terrified me by her screams of affright, and, as I thought, by her threats of suicide, was a stout, strong, LIFE IN A COLONY. 151 blooming country girl, of about eighteen years of age ; and her attendant a good-natured, awkward, rustic admirer, but little older than herself. She had died, as she desired, by the time I had reached the spot, the swing being nearly motionless, and was ready to be safely deposited on and not in the ground, as I had feared, an office which I performed for her, to the sur- prise and evident disappointment of her companion. "I was properly scared, you may depend,*" she said ; *' that''s a fact : a body that ain't used to carry their head so low, and their feet so high, is apt to get kind of dizzy, and haven''t ought to be throwed up so hard, all of a suddent, lest the seat might sort of turn bottom upwards." Seeing a number of tables with baskets upon them, in an open glade, at some distance before us, and a great concourse of people assembling, I asked her what was the occasion of it. '* It is a pickinick stir, sir," was the reply. " A pickinick stir !"" I inquired ; " what is that V although, from the preparations that were making, the meaning was penectly obvious, but I wanted to hear her definition yet, as I had no doubt she would express herself in the same droll language. " Lawful heart !" she said, *' I thought every body knew what a pickinick stir was. Why, it's a feed, to be sure, where every critter finds his own fodder." *' Ah," I said, " then I fear I am an intruder, for I have no fodder; and, what is worse, I am neither invited nor expected. I regret this the more," I added, '^ as I should like very much to see a pickinick stir." "Ah, you are funning now, ain't you? Would you, though, in rael, right down earnest ?" " Certainly," I said, " I should be delighted." " Well, that's very easy fixed, any how. John," she said, " go and bring your basket, and look into sister Hannah Dowler's waggon, and fetch the wooden pail, with the birch bark cover, and no handle to it ; 152 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, Mi 11 J i'i!,, ! II ! f ! ! ' i I'l'i'i and, if we can'*t find enough for the stranger, it's a pity, that's all." John hesitated for a moment, standing before her with a very sorrowful expression of countenance, as if to catch an assurance from her eye that he was not to be deserted for another. " Why, what ails the critter?" she said, " that you stand starin' and a gapin' there, as vacant as a spare room, looking as if you couldn't hear, and had never seed a body afore; and then, altering her manner as if the truth suddenly flashed upon her, she added, in a milder and more conciliatory tone, " Go, John, that's a good soul, and don't be all day about it :" words that inspired new life and most rapid motion into the jealous swain. She then seated herself on the grass near the declivity of the sloping knoll, and, leaning back, supported her head witn her hand, by resting on her elbow. " Sit down," she said ; " sitting is as cheap as standing, when you don't pay for it, and twice as easy." Obeying her command, I assumed the same attitude, and there we were, who, a few moments before, had never seen each other, in this singularly easy position, conversing face to face as unceremoniously and as freely as if we had known each other for years. " Dear me," she said, as her eye fell on my disengaged hand, for the other was concealed by my hair, " what a small hand you have, and how white it is ! — what do you do to make it so white? — ^washin them in buttermilk, they say, is grand ; — what do you do ?" " Nothing," I replied ; " wearing gloves produces the effect." " Ah !" she said, " I see, you belong to the quality, I suppose, or keep a store, or sell doctors' means — and haven t to use your hands. Mine" (and she held up one of hers, and examined it minutely) " are horrid hard, ain't they? — all crinkum crankum like, and criss-crossed every which way — sort of crisped and chapped ; but it can't be helped, I do suppose, for LIFE IN A COLONY. 153 they are in and out of hot and cold water for everlast- ing." " It is lucky it doesnH affect the lips," I remarked. " Well, so it is," she replied, and added, in the most artless manner possible, " I vow, I never thought of that before. So vou never see a pickinick stir, sir." " No, not here. " What, are you an entire stranger in these parts !" " Yes." " LawM heart, you don't say so ! So be I. I live to the mill-ponds to Yarmouth, where I am to home ; but now I am on a visit to sister Hannah, who is married to the cross roads. Then, perhaps, you never see a Bee stir?" "No." ** Nor a raising 2" *'No." " Nor a quilting ?" "No." " Nor a husking r "No." " Nor a berrying ?" " No." " Scissors and pins ! — ^why, you hain''t seen nothinjj of our ways yet ! Well, Tve been to 'em all, and ril tell you what, I like a rolling frolic better than all on them. There is always fun at the end of the roll — if you'll — but here's John ; he's generally allowed to be the greatest hand at a roll in these clearings — the critter's so strong ! No, it ain't John, neither. Creation ! haw vexed he would be if he knowed he was takeik for that scarecrow, Norton Hog, who Iv 'k% f'^'x all the world, like a suit of clothes, hung on a oean pole stuck out to air ; he is so horrid tliin i Well, there's no accounting for taste — what do you think now? — ^he was married last week to Betsy Spooner, as likely a gall as you will see any where, I know — fact, I assure you, she is twenty and he forty — exactly twice her age; and so, as sister h5 'p u >i I liiiii IH THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, Hannah says, when she is fifty, he will be a hundred. Isn't it a horrible, scandalous match ?" " Pray, who is John f I inquired, as I saw him approach. '' Old Mr. Thad Rafuse's son." " Is he to be the happy man V " Well, the critter is happy enough, for all I know to the conifrary." " If I am m the country, may I come to the wed- ding, and offer a bridal present in return for your kindness to-day ?" " Wedding !— oh, my! — well, I never! — now I understand you. Marry John Eafiise ! Lord love you, no ! not unless I can't do no better, I can tell you. He's well enough, and won't want, seeing his father is well to do ; but he ain't got no force — he wants a head-piece — he's sort of under-baked. I ain't in no hurry to splice neither, at any rate, though I won't just say I won't take John Baftise at no time, neither; for, as Hannah ssiys, a poor husband is better than none ; and it's handy to have a man about the house, for they can do little chores to home, and run of errands. Are you married ?" "No." " Why don't you !" ,> " Who would have me ?" " Ah ! you are fishing for compliments now, but Praise to the face Is open disgrace ; and I won't humour you, for men are so awful con- eaited ! I guess the will, and not the way, is wanted. Why, John," she exclaimed, on looking, up, and ob- serving him without his basket and pail, " what on airth have you done with all those chicken-fix- ings, ham-trimmings, and doe-doings, besides the pies, notions, and sarces ; has any thing happened to them ?" " Squire Barclay told me to thank you, and say he LIFE IN A COLONY. 155 had made provision for his friend and himself, and here he is." Having arranged matters so as to have the young lady, Miss Sally Horn, as our neighbour at the table, Barclay and I left the young couple together, and strolled through the crowd, and mingled with the various groups that were scattered on the green, or dispersed in the woods. " This," said Barclay, " is a pic-nic, given by the owner and builder of the large timber-ship, of one thousand tons, we saw launched at lUinoo yesterday, to the families and friends of those who have in vari- ous ways been engaged either in gathering or prepa- ring the materials, or putting them together; for the construction of a vessel of such magnitude gives em- ployment to a vast number of people, who cut, hew, or haul the timber. The owner is also desirous of ingratiating himself with the people, over whom he has some design of acquiring political influence, being a violent democrat. If you took any interest in such subjects, it would amuse, or rather I should say dis- gust you, to see how men and not measures, oflSce and not principle, is at the bottom of our colonial politics. As it is, his harangue would appear to you like a fo- reign language, and really the idiom is not worth acquiring. Come and look at the vehicles; such a strange collection is worth seeing." Hay-carts filled with temporary seats, waggons fur- nished with four posts and a tester-like awning resem- bling a bedstead, carts ornamented with buffalo robes, or having their rude timbers concealed by quilts, to- gether with more ambitious gigs, cabs, cars, and britzschkas of every variety, form, and colour, occupied the field near the main road, to the fences of which were fastened the horses, many of which, having huge pillions attached to the saddles, appeared to have carried several persons on their backs. " A large temporary table, you observe," continued Barclay, " is spread at one end of the Green, and several 156 THE OLD JUDGE } OR, l\ li of nearly equal size occupy the other ; a division ren- dered necessary by the scruples of the advocates of total abstinence from all vinous or fermented liquors, who, not contented with exercising the right of doing as they please themselves, are determined to force others to follow their example, and will not permit the use of wine in their presence. How often does it happen in this world that the most strenuous advocates for liberty in theory are the most exclusive and tyrannical in practice!" Here a man wearing a badge to distinguish him as a manager proclaimed, in a loud voice, ^* All ye in- vited guests, fall into the precession, and come to the platform !" This was a sort of circular scaffold erected in the centre of the glade, formed around and supported by the trunk of a large elm. Three or four speakers soon made their appearance, and, ascending this ele- vated stage, addressed the company much in the same style and upon nearly the same topics. The ship whose launch they had come to celebrate was eulogized as one of the largest, fastest, best built, and beautifully modelled vessels ever seen in this or any other country. The builder was said to have done honour to the pro- vince in general, and his native town in particular, and was adduced as one of many instances to prove that Nova Scotians only wanted opportunities to be afforded them to excel all mankina, the humblest of them being fitted for the highest offices of state at home, or abroad ; but that, unhappily, during the long Tory rule in England, the aristocracy engrossed every situation of honour or emolument in every part of the empire. The company were assured that the Legislative Council of this province contained as many learned, and the House of Assembly as many able statesmen, as the Lords or Commons'* Houses of Great Britain, and that their integrity and honour were equal, if not superior. The colonies, it was said, were filled with mineral wealth, so near the surface as to be exhumed with very LIFE IN A COLONY. 157 not little outlay ; and all that was required was for Eng- land to open their native treasures at her own expense, and wive all the returns to the people — an act of justice which, ere lon^, she would be compelled to perform, and which would long since have been spontaneously done, had it not been for certain influential persons in this country, who wanted the proceeds to be given ex- clusively to them. It was confidently predicted that a railroad would be immediately constructed by the mo- ther country between Halifax and Illinoo, and another between the former place and Quebec ; as the local legislature had most liberally done its part by giving permission to any company to be formed for tnat pur- pose, to pass through the land of the crown, and take as much of it as was necessary, which they had a per- fect right to do, the Queen being a mere trustee for the public, and, of course, having no interest whatever of her own. And much to the same purpose. Mothers were then implored to look upon their children with pride as having the honour to be Blue Noses ; and were assured that Latin and Greek, which had hitherto been upheld by Tories, to create a dis- tinction between the rich and the poor, were exploded, or, as it was quaintly expressed, *' reformed out ; and that now, all speaking one language, (and it was well known that they pronounced EngUsh better than the British, for who could understand a Yorkshire or Cornish man, or the Yankees, who were too lazy to use their mouths and spoke through their noses ?) — now that great object had been obtained, there was an open field and fair play for all, and their children had a high destiny berore them, and honour and wealth were their portion. Here the herald again proclaimed, " The bankit is now ready, and all ye invited guests will please to fall to in your places." Few people are unconsciously flattered, however delicately the incense may be offered ; and this agree- able and prophetic language I have related, although 1^ I II t'! lli r tl.» "ft- ; "t'i t;!; '*', liillllll 158 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, artfully veiling any thing like bropd compliment, was, notwithstanding its skilful disguises, thoroughly un- derstood by some of the male part of the audience, for I heard one old man pronounce it all moonshine, and another, addressing tiis little boy, say, " Well, Zacky, you have a-most a grand inheritance — that's a fact. Don't you hope you may live to get it ? Tell you what — ^your lot and your luck is, your lot will be hard work, and your luck to zave what you make. I hate all fortin-tellers — when they put their hands on your ribs to tickle you, they are sure to slip their fingers into your pockets and pick it — they are all cheats. Look out always for number one, Zacky, my boy. Now, here's a hint for you — do you go and set by your mother, for the men always give the women the best, and the women always help the children before they eat themselves : so you may guess who gets the tid bits, Zacky. I have done my part now, by helping you to advice. Jist you go and ask your mother to help you to something to eat." Having found my fair friend. Miss Sally Horn, we proceeded to the table at the upper end of the Green, and took our seats, placing her between us, when a servant of Judge Sandford's spread before us the contents of a basket he had brought from Elms- dale, and we enjoyed a capital luncheon. Poor Mr. John Raftise, not at all approving of the young lady's behaviour, and determinea to make her feel sensible of the danger of losing an admirer by such levity of manner, refused to make one of the party, and, offering his arm to another of his fair acquaintances, led her off to the other end of the field. Miss Horn observed that " pickinick stirs" were stupid things, for a lady had nothing to do but walk up and down, and stare, which wam't wholesome for weak eyes ; and as for preaching, as she called the speeches, she could hear enough of that of a Sunday, but pronounced the repast the best part of the entertainment, and evinced the sincerity of LIFE IN A COLONY. 159 what she professed by the justice she did to every thin^placed before her. "Well, I declare," she exclaimed, "if I haven't dined well, ifs a pity, for T have been helped to every thing twice, and five times to blueberry pudding." " Squire," said a man seated on the opposite side of the table, and addressing himself to Barclay, *' Squire, may I trouble you for a piece of that 'are apple-pie to vour left there 1" pointing to a large tart, the top of which had been accidentally crushed. " With great pleasure," he replied ; and applying a knife and fork to it, remarked, " I believe you are under a mistake, sir — this is, I rather think, a pigeon- Sie, and this one must have been the father of the ock, for my knife makes no impression on him. I will give you the whole bird, ana you must dissect it for yourself — here it is ;' and he raised on his lork, amid roars of laughter, during which the table was nearly overturned, a child's shoe, that had been acciden- tally thrust into it, and lost in the deep and capacious dish. " Well, I declare," said Miss Sally. " if that ain't little Lizzy Fink's shoe ! She has been hopping about all day with only one on, like a land gosling. If she hain't put her foot in it, it's a pity ! — don't it beat all natur that ? I wonder what business children have to pickinick stirs ; they are for everlastingly a-poking their noses, or fingers, or feet, into something or an- other they hadn't ought to." " Well," continued the old yeoman, with philoso- phical indifference, " that pumkin-pie to your right will do as well, for, arter all, I guess pumkin is about the king of pies ; but, Squire, now is the Judge's pota- toes ? have they escaped the rot ? mine have got some- thing worse." " What's that r ** They are actually destroyed by curiosity. Every critter that passes my field says, I wonder if neighbour Millet's potatoes have got the disease ; and he pulls 160 THE OLD JUDOE ; OR, and pulls ever so many hills to see, and then says, well, that^s strange too ; he is the luckiest man in these parts, he hainH lost one, and the next one that comes by just does the same thing, and so on till I have lost just half my crop. I vow I will shoot the first fellow I catch there, and hang him up to scare away the curious. Thank fortin, it hain t e£fected the Indian corn !" (maize.) This exclamation was occasioned by the introduc- tion of a number of dishes of this delicious vegetable. In a moment, every one took an ear, and, raising it to his mouth with a hand at each end of it, bes^an to eat. The colour of the com, and the manner of hold- ing, gave the whole company the appearance of a band fkying on the flute. It was the most ludicrous sight ever beheld. It was a sort of practice in dumb show. After Miss Sally had finished two ears of it, she drew breath, and rested a moment. " Why don''t you eat V she said ; "you had better begin soon, or it will all be gone f ^ and then, looking at the long white cob from which she had so expeditiously removed the grain with her teeth, and holding it admiringly by the end before she deposited it on the plate, she con- tinued, " Them coos are grand for smoking hams or herrings — nothin** in nature gives the same flavour ; and as for corking bottles, they are better than boughten ones. Will you hand me the dish I" ** With great pleasure; but had you not better take a little wine first f " Well, I don't care if I do," she replied ; and, holding a tumbler instead of a glass, observed, ** I like wine better than cider for consart ; it has more body, and is a more cheerfuller drink, unless the cider be first frozen down, and then bottled tight with corn cobs. Here**s to you, sir, and wishing you luck. When you bottle cider, it must be always upended on its neck, for bottoms are thicker than heads, and ain't so apt to go off onexpected ; and cider is a wicked LIFE IN A COLONY. 161 thing to burst. Have you been to Yarmouth lately T she asked, abruptly. *' Yes, last week." " Oh, Solomon,'" she said, ** you donH say so ! How glad I am I fell in with you ! Did you see any- thing of old Mr. Sam Horn'*s folks down to the mill- ponds V As a matter of course, I neither knew nor had heard of old Mr. Sam Horn or his family, but, wishing to hear her out, I replied evasively — " Not recently.'* " Well, when you return," she continued, " I wish you would tell them I feel kind of homesick and lone- some, at the cross-roads — will you 2 I think I shall make tracks homeward soon." *' Why, your folks think you are a-going to be married," I said. " Oh," she replied, with a piteous face, " there is no such good news, I can tell you. A lady has no chance ot seeing folks there, unless, maybe, such a chap as John Bafuse, and the likes of him, is no great eaten for any likely gall thafs got a home of her own. It''s kinder dull there, and there ain''t no vessels, nor raisings, nor revivals, nor camp meetings, nor nothing, rd rather go back." *^ Well, that'*s what old Mr. Sam Horn said ; he remarked that he knew you would sooner be among the bull-frogs in the mill-ponds at Yarmouth, than amon^ the owls of the cross-roads." " Sid he, though 2 well, there'*s a great deal of fun about the old gentleman, too — ain''t there 2 But, as I am a living sinner, if here ain't a fiddle— ain''t it grand 2" and, extricating herself from the table, she was on her feet in a moment. Shortly afterwards, the whole company rose, and a benevolent matron present proposed that what was left of the viands should be given to the negroes who were in attendance. " I guess," said Miss Sally, " you might as well then butter the table-cloth then, for, excepting the 162 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, 's'ii shoe-pie, which ain''t fit for no christian to eat, unless it's a darkey, I don't see there is anything else left.""' " It would be just as well,*" retorted the other, with an offended toss of her head, and not at all relishing the general laugh raised at her expense, " it would be just as well perhaps if some young folks know what was due to their elders and betters, and didn't talk quite so fast and so pert." The black musician, to whose superior knowledge and authority in such matters all deferred, now sum- moned the young people to take their places on the green. " Will you dance ?" said my fair friend. I replied, " I am sorry I am obliged to bid you good bye, and leave you, for I have an engagement elsewhere, this being altogether an unexpected pleasure to me. But pray dance with your friend Mr. Bafuse, who I see has returned : he seems hurt at your neglect." '* Who cares V she said ; " if he don't like it, he may lump it. Tell you what — if John Bafuse was down to the mill-ponds to Yarmouth among the ponders, they would call him Refuse^ and that s the poorest sort of boards they have in all their lumber. Well, I am sorry you are a-going, too. There is fraud shooting to the cross-roads, I have heam lannah's husband say, only people are too lazy to shoot. If you will come there, I will get him to give you a rolling frolic, for he has got one on hand, and promised me a treat before I go home. I'll hold back for you. Oh, it's fun alive, you may depend ! — but pickinick stirs are as heavy as dough — more trouble to come and to go and to carry things than they are worth, and dancing on the ground is hard work, and, besides, it don't seem kinder natural in the day-time, and so many folks looking on, and making their re- marks, who have nothing to do with it kinder, puts a wet blanket on it. Oh, a rolling frolic is just what -you would like, for it's sociable and onformal ; or, if LIFE IN A COLONY. 163 you caii''t come, next time you go to Yarmouth, just give us a call to old Mr. Sam Horn's to the mill- ponds. Ifs a most a beautiful place. Ifs generally allowed to take the shine off this province, I tell you. You won'*t forget to give us a call, will you? The old gentleman will be very proud to see you, and The order of the musician was imperative ; and Mr. Rafuse several times reminded the talkative lady that she was keeping the company waiting. " Don''t be in such a plaguy pecky hurry," she an- swered sharply. " If you can't wait, get another partner. Don't you see, I am bidding good bye to the stranger ? manners before measures." " Pray don't detain him," I said. " Mr. Barclay and I will be at the cross-roads next week, if the weather is favourable, and spend a day or two there shooting." " And the rolling frolic ?" she inquired doubtfiilly. "Oh, certainly, I shall be delighted to accept your kind invitation. Good bye, till we meet again." " Then, I may depend f " Certainly, I shall only be too happy." " Come, now, I like that," she said, '* you are the rael grit, every inch of you. Seeing you re a touch above common, I was afraid you woula be too proud, maybe, to come among the like of us poor folks. Thank you, sir. Good bye ! mind next week. And now, John, how sorry I am I kept vou waiting so long ! What's become of Nabby Frisk I seed you with just now ? She looks as yaller as a kite's foot. What's that tune, Pompey, you are a-playing 2 Is it * Off she goes to Mirimichee ?' " " No, miss, it's ' Come tickle my nose with a barley straw.' " " Oh, my !" she replied, pressing both her hands on her sides, and laughing most immoderately — ' Tickle my nose with a barley straw !' well, if that name don't bang the bush ! — it caps all." 164 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, The young people were now all in motion ; but such a dance ! It was a serious business affair. Every- body maintained a profound silence, and the only voice to be heard was that of the black fiddler, who gave out the figures in a loud tone, that was distinctly audible over the screaming notes of the violin, while the dancers seemed most anxious to execute such steps as they knew with the greatest exactness and agility. In describing this scene, I have preferred giving th'^ greater parts of the dialogue with Miss Horn to re- cording the fijeneral conversation of the tables, because, as this sketch is faithfully drawn from nature, it will convey to the reader an accurate idea of the class to which she belonged. Taking Barclay''s arm, I now strolled to the other end of the glade previous to returning to Elmsdale. This portion of the company had also left the tables, and were scattered in detached groups ; some packing up preparatory to leaving the place, and others listen- ing attentively to a man who was denouncing those who had profaned the place with wine and dancing. He was a tall, thin, cadaverous-looking man, whose long black hair, falling wildly over his shoulders, gave his face a ghastly appearance, while his wild and wan- dering eye imparted to it a fearfiil expression. He appeared to be labouring both under great excitement and a considerable impediment of speech which affected his respiration, so as to contract and expand his cheeks and sides, and make the indraught and exit of his breath distressingly audible. Nothing could be more painful than to witness his convulsive utterance, un- less it was to hear his dreadful language. He con- eignoi all those who were not members of Temperance fj jy) ?tie8 to everlasting perdition, without the slightest ci »i,punction, and invoked an early fulfilment of his imprecations upon them. Occasionally, he would ter- minate a period with a long unmeaning alliteration, calling dancing a profanation of an ordination that led to damnation, or point his harangue against wine- (( LIFE IN A COLONY. 165 drinkers, by observing, that they think it fine to drink wine like swine ; but theyll repine, theyll repine. Turning in disgust from this profane and uncharit- able discourse, we crossed the lawn in the direction of the post road. On our way, we met two young women looking about them in great trouble and per- plexity. As soon as they perceived us, one of them approached, and, addressing herself to me, said, " Pray, sir, did you see a beast down there T pointing to the part of the lawn we had ju&fc left. Although I should never have thought of the word brute, or beast, as applicable to the wretched man I had been listening to, I was not at all surprised at the terrified girl using it, knowing that the population of rural districts derive most of their epithets from the objects about them. " 1 have indeed seen a strange animal there,*" I said. Was he a black bea^t, sir !" Long black hair," I replied, " and a wild and wicked expression of eye.'*' " Did you take notice of his feet, sir T she inquired anxiously. I now perceived, by this reference to the cloven foot, that the poor girl either thought he was the devil in propria persond, or was possessed of one. " Don't be alarmed," I said. " I didn't observe his feet." . " Had he a ^ong black tail, and a cushion strapped on behind for carrying a oral! on ?" Here Barclay, who had been enjoying my mistake, came to the rescue. " You have lost your horse, I suppose." '' Yes, sir, our beast has broke his bridle, and made tracks. I only hope he ain't raced oflf home." " Had he four white feet ?" " Yes, sir." " Ah, then, he's quietly grazing below the crowd. Where is the bridle ? — Ah, here it is. Make your- self easy ; I will restore him to you in a moment." (( li 166 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, iU On his return, the two girla were adjusted into their seats ; one riding in front on a man's saddle, the other behind, but on the opposite side of the horse. " I agree with your friend, Miss Sally Horn,'" said Barclay ; " pic-nies are stupid things, under any cir- cumstances, but doubly so, when attempted by country people, who do not understand them, are destitute of the resources furnished by education for conversation and amusement, and to whom unoccupied time is always wearisome. Merrimaking in America, except in towns or new settlements, is a sad misnomer, when applied to such matters ; the religion of the country, which is puritanical, is uncongenial to it ; dissent is cold and gloomy, and represses the cheerfulness of youth, and the uoyancy of healthful spirits. The people are not fond of music, and are strangers to theatrical amusements ; and, being dispersed over a great surface of country, instead of dwelling in villages or hamlets, as in Europe, have little opportunity for convivial inter- course; while the exigencies of a northern climate, and the hardships and privations of forest life, leave but little time for relaxation. They are a business and matter-of-fact people. * Raisings,'' which mean the erection of the frames of -wooden houses, are everywhere performed by mechanics, except in new settlements. * Lo^ rolling,** which is the process of heaping together the trunks of trees that have I een felled preparatory to being burned, so as to clear the land for cultivution, and 'the Bee,"* which is the gathering of people for the purpose of chopping down the forest, or for harvesting, or some other friendly act for a neighbourhood, are all, in like manner, peculiar to remote places. " When any of these occasions occur, they are fol- lowed by festivities of a totally different character from those in the old settlements. In proportion as the country becomes more densely peopled, these acts of mutual assistance, rendered necessary in the first instance by the individual weakness and mutual wants LIFE IN A COLONY. 167 of all, become more and more rarfj, and finally cease altogether, and with them, merrimakings cease also. Festive assemblies occur now only in towns, or the midst of the woods : so true in all things is the old maxim — 'extremes meet."* In that portion of the country where these good old ' Raisings,"* ' Bees,' ' Log-rollings,' and other cordial and friendly meetings have died out, nothing has arisen in their place to in- duce or require a celebration. The formal manners of the town sits awkwardly on the farmer ; its customs and fashions neither suit his means nor his condition. •Unwilling to be thought rustic and vulgar, he has abandoned the warm-hearted junketing of old ; and, unable to accommodate himself to city usages, which he sees so seldom as not thoroughly to understand, he has little or no recreation to give hm family ; a cold hospitality that acquires ostentation, in proportion as it loses cordiality, gradually supervenes. The charac- ter and appearance of the man undergo a sad change ; the jolly, noisy yeoman, becomes a melancholy-looking man ; his temper is gradually soured by the solitude and isolation in which he lives, and, resorting to poli- tics and religion for excitement, he rushes to the wildest extremes in both, howling for nights together in the protracted meetings of revivals, or raving with equal zeal ^nd ignorance about theories of govern- ment. " The injurious effects upon the health, occasioned by ^ the absence of all amusement, and the substitution of fanaticism, or politics in its place, is not confined to the male part of the population. It falls still heavier on the females. The foriner have their field labours to detain them all day in the fresh air ; the latter are confined to the house and its close and unwholesome atmosphere, and suffer in proportion. No merry laugh rings on the ear of the anxious mother, no song glad- dens her heart, no cheerful dance of joyous youth reflects the image of the past, or gives a presage of a happy ^ture. Sadness, suffering, or discontent^ is 168 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, M '1 Jn legible on the face. Silence or fretfulness pervades the house. The home is not happy. " I am glad you have arranged to go to the cross- roads next week. You will at once see the effect of merrimakings and cheerfulness, not only on the health and looks, but upon the bearing and character of the population. The Judge says 'Exercise is health,' but he is mistaken ; cheerfulness is an essential ingredient, and where that does not spring from a well-regulated mind, as it does among educated people, amusement, in some shape or other, is absolutely indispensable." CHAPTER IX. THE SCHOOLMASTER; OR, THE HECKE THALER. On our return to Elmsdale, the absurd scene of the morning was adverted to, and the extraordinary man- ner in which the people were flattered and lauded by the orators of lUinoo. *' That," said the Judge, " is the inevitable result of tho aha st universal suffrage that exists in this proviiice. People accommodate themselves to their audience ; and, where the lower orders form the ma- jority of electors, their vanity is appealed to, and not their judgment — their passions, and not their reason ; and the mass, instead of being elevated in the scale of intelligence by the exercise of political power, is lowered by the delusion and craft, of which it is made the willing victim. Nova Scotians have been so often assured that they are the ablest, the wisest, and best of men, though their rulers are both ignorant and corrupt, and that they have a rich and fertile country, blessed with a climate more salubrious liiid agreeable than that of any other part of the world, they begin to think that law and not industry, government and not enterprise, is all that is wanting for the full enjoy- ment of these numerous advantages. If any man were LIFE IN A COLONY. 169 by )sult this :heir ma- not ion ; icale »r, is lade •ften best and ry, jable )egin and Iwert to say to them that their winters are long and severe, their springs late, cold, and variable, while much of their soil is wet, stony, or unproductive, and that toil and privation are the necessary incidents of such a condition ; or venture to assert that, although the province abounds with mineral wealth, skill, capital, and population are necessary to its successful develop- ment; or, that, although the innumerable streams that intersect the country in every direction are admi- rably adapted for manufactories, the price of labour is yet too high to render such speculations safe or profitable ; and, above all, to tell them that they are idle, conceited, and ignorant ; and, so long as they maintain this character, they merit all their poverty and all their wretchedness ; these demagogues, to whom you listened yesterday, would call him a rabid tory, a proud aristocrat, an enemy to the people, a vile slanderer, and a traitor to his country. "It is a melancholy condition of things ; and, so long as education is so grievously neglected as it is at present, there appears to be no hope of a change for the better. The British Government, with that fore- sight and liberality which has always distinguished it in its treatment of the colonies, founded, many years ago, a college at Windsor, an interior town, situated about forty-five miles from Halifax, which has been of incalculable advantage, not merely to Nova Scotia, but to British North America. The system of common school instruction, on the contrary, which depends upon ourselves, is founded chiefly on the voluntary principle, which has proved as defective in education as it always has in religion. When a man fails in his trade, or is too lazy to work, he re- sorts to teaching as a livelihood, and the school-house, like the nsylum for the poor, receives all those who ait^ fru: nisfortune or incapacity, unable to provide tor tlieijj selves. The wretched teacher has no home ; ii>d makes the tour of the settlement, and resides, a stipulated number of days, in every house — too short I 170 THE OLD JUDGE ; OR, a time for his own comfort, and too long for that of the family, who can but ill afford either the tax or the accommodation. He is among them, but not of them. His morning is past in punishing the idleness of others, his evening in being punished for his own ; for all are too busy to associate with him. His engagement is generally for a short period. He looks forward to its termination with mingled feelings of hope and fear — in alternate anticipations of a change for the better, or destitution from want of employment. His heart is not in his business, and his work prospers indiffer- ently. He is then succeeded bv another, who changes the entire system, and spends his whole time in what he calls rectifying the errors of his predecessor. The school is then unhappily too often closed for want of energy or union among the people; the house is deserted and neglected, the glass is broken by the children, who regard it as a prison. The door, after a long but unsuccessful struggle with the wind, falls, at last, in the conflict ; the swine then enter, for pro- tection, from the violence or heat of the weather, and retain possession until expelled by the falling roof, or the rod of a new master. It is evident, therefore, that ' the greatest, wisest, and best of mankind^ either do not need instruction, having the wonderful good fortune to possess knowledge intuitively, or else the rest of the human family, whom they are so often told they far excel, must inaeed be in a state of hopeless and wretched ignorance." The following day, as we were strolling through Bridge Port, a small, straggling village, situated about a mile and a half above Elmsdale, the subject was again accidentally renewed by our hearing the piercing cries of a poor little urchin, who was undergoing the Punishment of the rod in the schoolhouse. As Bridge *ort aspires to the honour of being called a town, and its ambitious inhabitants entertain sanguine hopes that it will one day rival Ulinoo in importance, this building exhibits much pretension, having a belfry he LIFE IN A COLONY. 171 surmounted bv a gilt weather-vane, which, though it does not indicate the direction of the wind, being stationary, either from accident or for the purpose of displaying the broad, glittering side of a golden quill at its top, fulfils all that it was designed ror, by ornamenting the village. So handsome a structure, deserving a classical name, is dignified by the appel- lation of Academy. It was from this seat of learning that the young student's voice was heard complaining of tbe thorny paths of literature. " Ah, my good friend, Mr. Enoch Pike," said the Judge, soliloquizing in reference to the teacher, " if you had ever been in the army, you would have become more indulgent by learning that the tables are some- times turned, and the master punished himself. I recollect," he said, addressing himself to me, " when the Duke of Kent was commander-in-chief at Halifax, going to the barracks to see an officer of the Fusileers, and, as I passed the regimental school-room on my way upstairs to the quarters of my friend, I found all the children vociferating at the top of their voices, almost wild with excitement and delight. ' Ah ! my little fellows,' I said, ' so you have a holiday to-day, have you V — * Oh, yes, sir,' several of them answered at once, ' oh, yes, sir, master has been flogged to-day ; he has just received three hundred lashes. "He who needs forgiveness himself ought to be merciful to others. I have several times spoken to Pike about his severity, and recommended to him more forbearance, but he always has one answer. Thinking to pacify me by avowing himself a conser- vative, he invariably commences : * Ah, Judge, when I first took charge of this Academy, I was a Radical, a thorough-going Radical ; but I soon found a school required a good strict Tory government. Freedom and equality sound prettily in theory, but they don't work well in practice. You, who h^ve presided in courts of justice, and I, who have presided in seats of learning, know that nothing but a stern air and a I2 172 THE OLD JUDGE; OR, rP. I Btrong arm will preserve order." — ' Oli, yes,' I reply, * that is all veiy well — but strictness is one thing, and severity another. You must be moderate. Pa- tience i s a cardinal virtue in an instructor.' — ' Oh, sir,* he says, * I am the most patient man in the world, but there is a point — there is a line, vou know, sir, beyond which, ahem ! — there is a limit — a bound — a terminus you may call it — a place where you must stop. They talk about the patience of Job, Judge. 1 have read every thing about that illustrious man with great care, sir ; and, in my humble opinion, his patience was never fairly tried. Job never was a schoolmaster. Judge — oh, no ! oh, no ! he can't be said to have been fairly tried. Job never kept a school. Corporeal punishment. Judge, either in schools or the army, cannot be dispensed with. We say, and say truly, the rod of the empire ! I have often asled myself with Virgil, Quid domini facient — What shall masters do without the birch ? and answer with Ovid, Principiis obsta — Nip an offence in the bud ; or with Horace, Qmcquid prwcipies esto breve — Let it be a word and a blow. All antiquity is in its favour, and Solomon recommends a liberal use of it. Spare it, says he, and you spoil the child. The quantity of flogging is very properly left to the discretion of the master; the true rule^perhaps, is, Nocturnd versate manu versate diurnd — Turn tnem up and whip them by day or night when needed, not urging them too fast, but keeping a steady rein. Festina lent^ — An even travelling gait is the proper course. In this manner, he runs on, making the most absurd appli- cation possible of his quotations, and regularly talks mo down, so that ^ *^ glad to drop the subject, and quit the house. " They have h strange set of masters here : one was a universal genius, and converted his school into a sort of workshop. He painted signs and sign- boards, gilded ft^mes, repaired watches and guns, made keys in place of missing ones, veneered bones and LIFE IN A COLONY. 173 tables, cut and lettere«1 nib-stones, and was devote