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 HON. WILIKll) LAirUIKk. 
 
/ -3 y<v 
 
 hQiuri^r a"^ Victorij } 
 
 A St)U\'ENIK 
 
 CAMI'AKiN OK iSc/'. 
 
 BY 
 
 WALT. A. RATCLIFFE, 
 
 I.ISTOWKL, ONI. 
 
 l-U-ininted t'rcmi Vlv I'lloliu, 'rnroiu.), 
 
 TORONTO, CANADA : 
 
 Printed by C. M. PLli.is, 67 Adelaide Street West 
 
 1896. 
 
^ 
 
 
 
PRKFATORV NOTK 
 
 Canada's i^rcatest fij-ht has been fou-ht and won for 
 Fri't'dom, and it is with feehnj^s of the keenest satis- 
 faction that the author of this little memento of it can 
 now recall the fact that, as a c ontributor to the Toronto 
 Gli,hr. he was iiermitted, from his enforced seclusion, to 
 aid in the battle. 
 
 As above intin\atcd, the \erscs have already appeared 
 HI the (flnhr, but, acting on the advi( e of friends, the 
 author has decided to |)lace them collectively in the 
 hands of the Canadian people as a Souvenir of the Cam- 
 paign of (896. 
 
 \V. A. R 
 
 I.istowel, Out., Jul\-, iS(/). 
 
Itauritr itnii iTirtorn ! 
 
 I.AURrER. 
 
 Stoit heiirt luul IVoe, i, .to alorioiis in defeat 
 Tlmii tlK'v who triuiii).li o'w oternul ri^ht. 
 rpou Mif scroll of Fimii-. where putriots meet. 
 Thy iiHiiic is writ, n deatliless name i.i iirrht. 
 As j^riaiit maple on some crested liei<,'ht, 
 Thou standest proof '},niinst tempest's thund'rin- 
 
 shock, 
 Firm as the hase of Hoehelapi's rock, 
 ried^'e of our K'lorious country's honest mif^dit. 
 Fair Canada ohall ever more deli^lit. 
 To name the fairest of her sons true-horn. 
 Her star of Hoi)e, her radiant star of morn. 
 Triumphant o'er corruption's shame and hli<rht. 
 When thou hast <,'one thy way heyond our ken, 
 Thy nohlest shrine, the hearts of honest men. 
 
I." 
 
 I, TuppER the old, have couit', I'm here : 
 
 Sons of this hind, I speak ; hearken and hear : 
 
 I rolled yon sun upon his jj;ilded way ; 
 
 I ypoke, and lo ! he gives ,>oii light hy day ; 
 
 I made and hung on higli the silver moon, 
 
 I cause her face to shine in night's dark noon ; 
 
 I made the sea, I made it i-oar and laugh ; 
 
 I sowed the freckles on the tall giralit'e ; 
 
 I make the i)uds and leaves, tlie streams to How, 
 
 I make the dew, the rain, the ice, the sno\». 
 
 Sir Mac must go, and I your hoss will be. 
 
 They told me, too, down by tlie sounding sea. 
 
 That Murray rues he e'er against me ran, 
 
 Or tried to lick the Bishops' hired man. 
 
 Again I say, I've come, now hear : 
 
 Your debt shall grow and grow from year to year, 
 
 For I will bridge the broad Atlantic's tide. 
 
 And tuiuici calm Pacilic, rolling wide ; 
 
 I'll melt the Arctic ice from i-ound the pole, 
 
 I'll dig or bore a million-fathom hole, 
 
 That I the axle of the earth may grease. 
 
 Hurrah for "I ! " you idiotic geese. 
 
 I'll grind the Piockies into i)owder small ; 
 
 I'll make St. Lawrence cliuib Niagara Fall ; 
 
 I'll ditches dig and worthless bridges make. 
 
 If that won't do, I'll pump out every lake. 
 
 This land I'll boom, I will, / irill, by gob ! 
 
 Ccmie, heelers, one and all, who want a job. 
 
 4 
 
 
 m. 
 
^% 
 
 'P 
 
 THE HOUSE OF HENS. 
 
 (With rottijilinhnf.-i fn fl,r W(•/«f^^; 
 
 There's a sound of af^riculture on our hills and in our 
 n;lens, 
 
 So "tis only meet and proper we should have a House of 
 Hens ; 
 
 Wb-'ve a grand old na.g- to whinney, we liave seven eats 
 to )new, 
 
 Then the farm-yard were not decent with no eock-a- 
 doodle-doo. 
 
 Tln-ough the snowy months of winter all the hens do sit 
 and sit, 
 
 With an air of nrravo imjiortanee, hut thev never hatch 
 a hit ; 
 
 And they scratch and cluck and i^n-umhle if one only 
 murmurs " Shoo ! " 
 
 For they keep the yard a rin-in- with their cock-a- 
 doodle-doo. 
 
 Tliey are peckin-, ever peckin-, at the nation's crih of 
 corn, 
 
 And of all the hens that cackle they're the fattest ever 
 l)orn ; 
 
 Tliey are costly, hut they're funny, so we'll see them 
 sarely throujj;h. 
 
 For, like children, we an- tickled -vith their cock-a- 
 (loodle-doo. 
 
 Peoiile say a day is eomin- when the hens will era-.- 
 to he, 
 
 ^\hi:n the farm-yard will he silent, and the corn— ah 
 nie ! ah, me ! 
 
 len the na.g has ceased to whin 
 
 lon<i,-ei 
 
 mew 
 
 I'W, and the cat 
 
 s no 
 
 Will this nation he a nation with no cock-a-.loodle-d 
 
 o'? 
 
THE BOSS'S SOLILOQUY. 
 
 1 MET ill the House most obtrusive resistance, 
 And now I am forced to seek needed assistance ; 
 My foes o'er tl)e land like a cyclone are swellin-;, 
 The truth and not lies to electors are tellinr^. 
 Sir Mac should support me, hut now, I'll he jiggered, 
 I'm left in the lurch by that stuhhorn old niggard ; 
 And Chapleau, and Osier, and Meredith know it. 
 Say, how would it do to ask Cartwright and Mowat '? 
 Pshaw ! They are too open and square. Botheration ! 
 ^^ith leaders like them, what would come of the nation? 
 To ask Laurier were a double-decked blunder ; 
 He says, if he could, he would never take plunder. 
 No ; the man I must have must support me right hearty. 
 He nothing must know i)ut the good of the party, 
 (That's " I," kindly noto it, dear Dalton McCarthy), 
 Must be void of a conscience, as sleek us a poodle. 
 In no wise averse to a share of the boodle ; 
 He must vote, if I hid, fifty ways in an hour ; 
 He must barter his country to keep Me in power ; 
 He must swallow h 
 
 self if the partv i 
 
 ■e(pure. 
 
 su'e. 
 ain. 
 
 In brief, he must do just the thing I de 
 The work is but light and the salary cert 
 With sundry small subsidies back of the curtain. 
 That confounded dlolx' would set up such a jingU 
 Or I really believe I would hang out a shingle. 
 
 1 
 4 
 
• 
 
 PROTECTION. 
 
 PiJOTECTED '? Of course, we're protected 
 
 From surfeits of i>ud(lin' an' ])ie ; 
 \\ e never Ijave no indigestion, 
 
 Nor colics, nor cramps, an' for why/ 
 ^^ liy, simply because we're protected"^ 
 
 From all but the plainest of grub, 
 An' of that, twice as much would be scanty 
 
 At tmies ! Stranger, thar is the rub ! 
 
 We're protected from railroadin' smashups, 
 
 An' steamboat ex})Iosions an' sich ; 
 These air extravagant notions 
 
 That only behmg to the rich. 
 \\ e might as well live in a thicket, 
 
 Whar monkeys is freer than men ; 
 I couldn't buy Sally a ticket 
 
 If she never seed mother again. 
 
 We're protected from buggies an' organs, 
 Ihe frogs give us music at nights ; 
 
 \\e walk, so air always protected 
 
 ^ From runaway accident frights ; 
 
 The plugs we hev saved from the mortgage, 
 Don t walk on their hunkers in pride 
 
 They ain't fed like the Cumberland war-hoss 
 So couldn't kick high if they tried. 
 
 We're protected ! Oh, yes, we're protected 
 t rom all that a mortal can need ; 
 
 An' if Foster would veto our stomachs, 
 We'd bless him an' praise him indeed. 
 
 Ihen a diet of talk of a Tupper 
 
 ^ :\right satisfy critters like we, 
 
 For breakfust, an' dinner, an' supper 
 Would come to us reg'lar an' free. 
 
 Could breeches be made of a promise, 
 
 An' coats of a prophecy fair, 
 \\'ith Tr.pper for loom an' for spindle. 
 
 Our garments were many and rare ,' 
 But the cold somehow pierces his fabrics, 
 
 Our stomachs say something is wrong' 
 Our rheumatiz argys conclusive— 
 
 We've had this protection too long. 
 
 XOTK 
 
 OTK. A friend writes from IJriice Peninsula : " The peonl - herP 
 arc very l,arc up Many of them ha^•e lived all uimer S ') Ad 
 ■••"f! '<•■• ( dory be to protection ' ' ' 
 
 and tea.' 
 
 but It must j^-^o. 
 
I AND YET I. 
 
 I'vK done a mighty lot, you l)et ! 
 I made Cartier a baronet, 
 
 I'm Dalton's grand-dad too. 
 Though once I said I had, indeed, 
 No confidence in — er — tlie l)reed, 
 I always was the friend in need 
 
 Of Catholics staunch and true. 
 
 I'll nourish Manitoba's crops, 
 
 I'll give her showers in golden dro[)s, 
 
 And spotless skies of blue. 
 I'll dig each rapid from the Red, 
 Her lakes I'll to Superior wed, 
 I'll i)ush the railway right ahead, — 
 
 Thai's what I mean to do. 
 
 I'll do a lot for old Quebec, 
 If she obeys the Bishops' beck, 
 
 And votes as she should do. 
 I'll build her bridge where it should be, 
 I'll fish her land-slide from the sea, 
 I'll learn to speak her language free, — 
 
 That's what I mean to do. 
 
 I'll give to dear Ontario 
 An ocean line to Jericho, 
 
 A tunnel to Peru. 
 For picnic grounds I'll give Cathay, 
 For winter park fair Paraguay, 
 A conduit from the Milky Way, 
 
 Toronto, I'll give you. 
 
 Each Province has it's little need, 
 But I, your gi'acious I, indeed. 
 
 Will ev'ry want supi)ly. 
 I'm sailing in a leaky boat, 
 But I will buy each tardy vote. 
 Dear Bishops, bid electors note, 
 
 I, even I, am I. 
 
JAW V. JUDtiMHNT. 
 
 TirKY h'll us tlifit SdniHoii. in serviiia the Lor.] 
 Wielded tlje jiiw of an ass ; 
 
 That he strode ri-lit and left thro' the Philistine horde 
 And smote with the jaw of an ass 
 
 Fierj-e as a whirlwind he swept o'er the plain ; 
 
 His hlow^s tell Ike leaves in the drear aiitunni rain. 
 
 JMdl till the valley was lilled with the slam- 
 Dead l)\- the jaw of an ass. 
 
 J)own thr.ninh the a,i,res, in story, has si)ed 
 
 Ihe tame o) the jaw of the ass; 
 The last of the race of that hero is dead 
 
 But still lives the jaw of the ass 
 While dotards and traitors are chief in the State 
 One tain must helievo 'tis the mandate of faie • ' 
 He only can hope to he honored and <Teat 
 Who ti^dits with the jaw of an ass. 
 
 (ro up to the halls where our law-makers nie.^t 
 
 And list to the jaw of the ass ; 
 If a wise man is there he must suffer defeat — 
 
 Go down hy the jaw of the ass ; 
 He may arnue for justice and plead for tlie riolu 
 He IS badpred hy day and defrauded hv ni-di^ ' 
 And he who will stand at the close of tlie ii'ht' 
 
 Is he with tlie jaw of an ass. 
 
 Is truth only falsehood, and reason hut frau.l '> 
 
 Hurrah for the jaw of tlie ass ' 
 Is otiice your temple, position your'rrod-> 
 
 Three cheers for the jaw of an ass '" 
 Corruption your mantle '? Then cherisii vour stain. 
 Ye bondslaves of hoodlers, sit hu^'^Mn^^ vo ir eh tin 
 Proclaini to tlie world ye have b^er^l'^mr S^' 
 
 lo drink from the jaw of an ass. 
 
 Ye wi^l not. :^ Then rouse ye, Canadians stron^^ 
 And shatter the jaw of the ass 
 
 The plunders and bunglers have bunlened you Ion.. 
 
 Away With the jaw of the ass. *^ ^' 
 
 Bid liberty, honesty, e(iuity stand ; 
 \\(uj Canada's sons from the alien's strand ; 
 A\ith ballots for bullets, come, rescue our land 
 
 And bury the jaw of the ass. 
 
 -0 
 
I 
 
 VICTORY. 
 
 SiN(i, ye mi<,'hty liills, in chorus ! 
 
 SinjLj, ye torrentH free and stron*,' ; 
 Gleeful rills, in silv'ry trebles, 
 
 Swell the universal son<j;, 
 Not of triimii)h over party, 
 
 But of triumph over wronj; ! 
 
 Sinf,s ye sons of this our country ! 
 
 Shout aloud from wave to wave ! 
 Tyranny and foul corruption 
 
 Now are sleepin<r in theii' gravi . 
 Canada hath loudly spoken : 
 
 Truth and justice she will have 
 
 Wake to greet the golden dawning 
 That shall follow twilight gray : 
 
 Hustles now the breeze of morning,- 
 Lo ! our night has rolled away ! 
 
 Worthy sons of worthy sires, 
 Welcome in the fuller day. 
 
 When no mandate of the niiiny 
 Shall oppress the feebler few : 
 
 When the worthy shall be honored, 
 And the weak receive his due ; 
 
 And the bosom of the nation 
 Harbor only what is true. 
 
.^IK Ol,|\K|< MOWAT.