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"TlIK NATURE, CAUSES AND CURES OK ANfJER." "THE GIKT OK THE HOI.Y GHOST AND HOW OBTAINED.' '■ HISTORY THE TRUK KEY TO PROIMIECY." "NINE LECTUES ON ANOLO-ISRAEIi," AND "THE SECOND COMING OK CHKIST." "O that among us there might be A duty on hypocrisy! A tiix (m humbugs; an «^xciso On sokmn plausibilities; A stamp cm everything that rea('her was condensation, the second element was condensation, and the third was condensation. In the act ol" condensation a writer, or speaker oi'ten exposes himself to the charge of oidy half illustrating his subject: Well, be it so, in this age of jnish and progress most of our readers will |)ardon brevity. In addressijig you on ]Man, I do not propose to treat of him in the various and diversitied national- ities, races and conditions ol' Ixung which are suggestive of the theory of Darwin and Huxley, in their progress- ive developments of mind and of muscle from the luollusk to the ape, and from the monkey to educated and cultured man. Nor do I propose to dwell on his Htature, si/.e, weight, color, or on his tastes, affinities, jtassions, habits, or dispositions. Nor on his vast and varied intellectual endowments, powers, capacities and achievements. Nor on his relation as father, mother, liusband, brother, or bachelor. I think of publishing an essay on l>achelorfl in general, and old bachelors in THK ODD >[A.\ AND HIS ODDITIKS. ]tar*icul:ir. 'l'l»oy are getting to be a very important class in ooniniuuity and far too numerous. If tliey would pay more attention to the ladies, they would be much more frequently the subjeet of conversation amon^ aw aunts, mothers, and maidi'iis. I ]>r(>pose, especially to consider man's tempera- ment, or constitution in some of its many varieties and ]>eculiarities. 'Chese varieties anosition, taste and aptitude, of every grade and condition in life, and that, with all this variety there is, hen; in Amc^'ica a pla(H' for everyone, and a duty for eatdi that he may )»erform with pleasure and profit to him- s(df, and also to the advantage of all th(»se around him. It is of the greatest importance to community that every man in society should lind his own ap- propriate place ; and that, having his place whether rHK ()l)l> NfAX AM) ins OUKII'IKS. })resi(leiit, or premier, jrovenior, or piii-maker, lie should iaithrully and lionorably diseharoe his duty ihere, aud that he shouhl leel, that, with a sense of ;n to his little boy, a lad of twelve summers, the otHce ol" L?ate keeper, lie was to open the i^ate as the load of hay approached the i>ate, cl()sin;h. The lad well underst(joen the gate." The order came from an advaucied huntsman who was followed by a lai'ge company of fox hunters : among them was the Duke of Wi'Uington. " Open the gate, tny Itoy, here (M)mea the lords and ladies I" The lad promptly responded. "No, sir, mv father told me, sir, to keep the gate shut.'" " Hut here comes the Didvc of Wellington, o]>en the gate." "My father told me, sir, to keep the gate shut, ami I'll kei'p it shut, you nuiy depend on't." In i\ momI)1TI ICS. Open the ufate, sir." There sat tlie bov in conscious security, in loving obedience doing his duty. " Why 4on't you open the gate, my son ?" said the duke. *' liecause, sir, my father told me to keep the gate slnit, and I'm going to eculiari- ties of character are easily recognized, they are not so easily defined, nor so easily classified, so that, to save words, and time, which is much more vahiable than words, also to aid your memory, we will find in nature, and in art something to which we will com- pare those o(hl specimens of our race. A\'e have very hiijli ftutlioritv for the use of symbols. Thev do speak to the eye, and to the mind at the same time. " Symbols," says Muller, " are evidently coeva'i with the human race ; they restdt from the union of the soul with body in man. Nature has implanted the feelinif for them in the human heart." I>ut svm- holism is not only the most natural, and most general^ it is also the most practically usefid of ihe sciences, (xod himself, knowing the nature of the creatures foi'med by him, has condescended, iji the earlier rev- elations of himself, to teach by s^'mbols. Anarable, or symbol spake lie not unto them." l<\-iber says, " heiu-e the language of .symbolism, being so purely a language of ideas, is, in one respect, more perfect than any ordinary lan- guage can be ; it possesses the vai'iegated I'legance of synonyms without any of the obscurity which arises from the use of ambiguous terms. I»en Jonson asks : • '■ Was IK it all the kii(»\vle(lg'(! (H'the I\uyptians w I'it in inyslie syml)(ils V 6 Till-: ODD MAN AM) HIS ODDITIES, Speak not tlic S( ri|)1iir<'s ot't in pariiblcs ? Arc not the choicest fables of the poets 'I'hat were tiie fountains and first sprinys of wisdom. AV rapped in perplexed alleiiories v" I tiiid ill all the dopartiiipnts of home life, of cluircli life, and of national life. rin; iron :\[an, Finn, resolute, detennined, stroiiuj 'f purpose, and hard and iinbendiiiL!; as a piece of iron, whether right or vvroiii>' in his beliefs, or his opinions, you may liammer at him as long as you please, you make but a very slight impression upon him if he only keeps hilantliroj)y. In all (piestions of national honor and civil government, you may kiiulle his patriotism. In the wider fields of religion, of consci- ence, and in the work of (xod; you may warm his heart and touch his lips with tlu' sacred tire for con- secrated altars; and when fully tired with zeal for his country, his church or his (tod, we have a tine s])eci- men of a manly man; a man that is strong to do, and ti MEN' OF STEKL. 7 willing? to endure, or to dare in that cause that has won his affections and his sympathies. This man of iron nature, may, to some peopk', seem cold, stern, rigid, frigid and unattractive, but engage his tenacity and firmness on the right side, and you have a man capable of receiving and retain- ing the mould and stamp of manhood's higliest impress. Upon him yon may suspend the interests of a nation, knowing that no influence from faction, or from party, from court, cabal, king, or president, can make him swerve from duty or, betray liis trust. This hardy, firm, intelligent, industrious, useful class of men can- not be disj>ensed witli. We might as well undertake to carry on our mechanical arts, our manufactories, our steamboats and railway enterprises without iron, as to do the work of home, of church or of state Avithout this most useful class of men — MKN OF STKKI, come next in order. Those persons possess all tiie intrinsic excellencies and valuable (pialities of hard- ness, tenacity, of durability and usefulness of iron; and many niore, for tiiey are well fitted to serve pur- poses which the iron-men do not. The steel-men are more flexible, more elastic, Tliey have the same tenacity and firmness, only, more refined and tem- pered; mad6 so by the process of purification. Thej'" are more pliable, more durable, more relial)le. 'I'hey are ca})able of a much higher j)oli8h ; they receive a much sharper edge ; they have keener percei)tions, and finer sensibilities ; they have nerves not less firm, resolutions not less determined, ))urposes as unshaken. II ' IT 8 TIIK ODD >[.VN AND HIS ODDITIES. ' ,\ \^ all combined with properties and capabilities the iron men liaAe not. There is a method by which iron may be sa changed, tem])ered and pnritied as to become steel : S(> l)y a ))rocess somewhat similar, our iron men may be made more valuable. This is often accomplished by self-culture and ]>ersonal improvements; especially by the renewint;^ energy and ])Ower of truth in the inner man ; so that, in time, they become refined, tempered and polished, and in this way, they be(!ome miu'h more valuable. We have, here too, OV\l SILVEK MEN, vci'v useful in tlieir way at times, because they are capable of l)eing ))ronu>ted and made to occupy posi- tions in society which renders them useful. Silver is of little intrinsic value in itself. Itcantiotat all com- pare in real worth with iron (>'• ^teel. The commer- cial woi'ld has given it imjjortaiue by agreeing to use it, as we do as ii matter of convenience, and for ex- ternal (Mnbellishmcnt ; but it owes its value t( the gcjieral consent of community, and it may at any time be dispensed with. So with our silvv-r gentle- men, they are convenient, and useful, and often orna- mental ; but not like our iron and steel men, indis- ' ]iensable. The value of the silver imm is always fic- titious, not rt'al. Like silviu* thev arealwa\'s liable to a heavy discount, 'i'hcy are never indepe?ident, never relialtlc. One iron man, is, to coiiimunity, worth a (incore of those silver s|>i'cimens. Our silver gentlemen M'ould do well to take the hint, and try and ur.der- stand their real valiu', and their true relative i)08i- tion, for they may be, at any moment, vote(l out oT ! ! w MKN <)1' GOLD. coiiiiuuiiity ; or the ladies' riguts association inay lock them uj) some day as worn out specimens of things that our progressive age has left far behind, as has been done with our grandmammas' silver can- dlesticks. Of many of this class of men, we may safely say, that thuy are a sham, a fraud, or something Avorse, for they are only silver coated, silver washed, silver plated gentU men. In some instances they are alloys, counterfeits, hypocrites, 'rhey are not even good white metal, they shine on the outside, make very tliu' pi'omises, often make loud and long pro- fessions, and by these Iriiiks and stratageins they de- ceive ma?iy a fair one: who, after a very short ac- (puiintance find out theii' real character. 'I'he silver coating rubbed otf, and it was easily seen that they were of baser nu'tal. Our valuable .MEN OF CiOlil) conu> next, pure gold, genuimi metal, sterling coin. In all the world's great emporiums of trade they com- uumd position, wealth, honor and influence, and they kn(»w full well how to use them for the good of all classes of community. They are an honest, trust- worthy r;u'c of nuMi, always humble, upright, intelli- gent, pure minded, ^b'U of noble birth and of royal blood, for they live anH)ng sovereigns, ami soar among c:igles. These men ;ire the pure gold of the earth, though like gold, veiy valuable aiul in great dennind, yet like gold, they are very scarce. Our d"ar young ladies should always distinguish between (Mir gold nu'ii and gold-fringed men, gilt men, me?i of glitter ami tinsel, very often they are only pinch-beck. All tliose bron/cfl and starched up specimens ol .It w 10 THK ODD MAN AND HIS ODDITIES. fashion are no more gold, than tliat tlie slightest possible gilding is a lump of gold. Those would-be gold and silv.'r men are always, in all communities below par. They are always one hundred and seventy- five per cent, less valuable than moonshine. The next on my record are our MKX OF TIN, men, who, when well siioured and polished, make ))i"e- tensions of l)eing relatiMl to the silver family, of those thin-lijK'd, sharp featured men, physoignomists say, that they are not very close mouthed, nor very safe tongued. riiat they are alway- sure to expose your little failings. They are a little tart, not over bur- dened with the milk of i»umaii kindness. They are always ])retentious, not a little contentious. 'I^hey are not reliable or trusty men either in council or in wai". In their very nature they are a bendible, ding- able, rustable, crustable sort of folk, whose lustres is soon tarnished. ( )ui- men <>f tin are easily and often tinkered with, and ai'e often tingetl. In my travels I have seen MI;N (•!• I, HAD. A class of pci'soMs that I can liken only to lead, heavy, dull, dark, their body, brains, arms, and limbs, mind and heart are made up of the same dull, eroi'ky, earthy, muddy substance. With them there is no life, no spriglitlineHs, no animation, no elasticity, no humor, no sparkling wit. Like lead, they are much given to inertia. If indeed they have to move a little, they groan and yawn, and fret and sigh, and stretch, as il" all the laws ol' their being obligeil them to remain as thev are. NICKI.K IM.ATKl) -MKN. 11 tlO In our ao-e and in our country we have dcvcl- oi)ed a NKJKLE I'LATEI) olass of nuMi, and women too. This is peculiarly an ao-e of nickle-plating. We see this art in our found- ri">s, as in our schools and colle.n-es. The useful, the ])ractical, and the substantial, have to give place to the ornamental, the fanciful and fashionable. NN'e half educate lars^e numbers of our youth, and send them out on community at a great expense, with a smattering of classics, mathematics, ethics and other tics, covered with sheen and glare ; an abundance of ornamentation, but oh, so badly fitted forthe practical ractical age. The glitter, the radiance is only nickle-i.late, mere tinsel, so thin tluit you can see through it. In' congress, and in our slate iegislatiire we have some granf a century in our i)olitical cam- paigns, and on our national festivals. When they were live issues they sparkled and gleamed on the platform at.d in the pulpit. To-dav, they are c on any side, or on neither side, or on both siiU's. They can be Tories, or Whigs, or (Jrils, Reformers, Kcpublicuns, Democrats, (Jrccid)ackcrs, soft money, or hard money nu'U, you can always buy them for ;i little mone\' of anv kind, and buy them 1)ack for a few pennies more. In rcligioii tluy can be CalviniHts, or Armenians, close (^mimunionists, or open Conimun- iotiists, hard shell or soft shell r>a|)tists, High church. Low (diiu'ch, broad church or no church, 'I'hey can be <^)uakcrK, Shakers, or Tiinkcrs, I'i'esbylerians, I I .MEN (»K (II.ASS. 13 Methodists, Cougregatioiialists or Mormons, or Roman (^atholics, or anything or nothing. They can l)e tem- perance men, cohl or hot water mun, or wliisk}' and brandy puncii men. They are always two-faced men. In nothing are tiiey more pliable than in their consciences. Oh, how elastic I How i)liable I I'oor conscience. Row it is stretched and shrunk to meet the occasion. Such men ai'e all things in general and nothing in particular. An old Hebrew proverb •^ays of such men : " They can run with the hare and bark with the hounds." " A. iiici'ciliil pi'ox idt'iicc torincil lliciii liollou On purpose tliiit tlicy luiulit (heir pi'iiiciplf swnllow." 'I'hose professional patriots love to sing with much zenl : " My coiuitry 'tis ffom llicc 1 \nulease such men is nexl to the imitossible, and if they could be [ileased for .lu-e it would only be for a little time; ; for having no lixed priiu'iples to guide them or to govern them, they could not be pleased long at a time, either with them- iselveH, or with anybody cls<'. I know an unfortunate man of this class, he gets out with himself, and witli his estimable wife, aiuj out with his |)astor, and often with the gate post ; indeed, he gets out of temper, and out all over. In this givat country of ours we have 1 4 MKROUKIAL MKN. 15 One m into no re- rather (perity, liave IV. it is onie ot" t'd as a illy put lontoiy ne coM- of load thiiisjfs. fiiill as ;• as the cl to the .nee it no lived tn, they Lh theni- )rtiinate md with nd often temper, ours we MERCURfAL MEN, <|uick, sliiny, showy, flashy, rather liery, and withai a little slijjpery. Such persons, like the mercury in our thermometers, are greatly infiueneed by the sea- sons, the weather, the atmospheric changes, the mag- neti(! inftuences, the winds and tides. They are a kind of living barometer, as useless a specimen of the race as can well be com-eived of Only for the name of the thing, a woman would be far better without a a luisband, than be tied to a man like that. On a bright, beautiful moonlight night, such men are al- ways on hand to see the ladies home, or to accompany a friend ; but when the night is dark and stormy, the mercury falls and the ladies are left to find their way home as best they can. All sensible people agree, that such bipeds ought Id be scarce. In my line of observation 1 lind MKN Ol' Cl'l I'V, so soft, so oily, so impressible, that they are influ- enced b\' every one and by everything they meet. To know their opinion or any given hour of the day, in politics, education or '•eligion, you need otdy ascer- tain who, or what party had the last interview with them. Their views of men or things are formed, changed and shaped by one class of agency as well as another. Having no opinion of theii' own, tlu'y can at. any time sulopt the opinions of others, and most generally their views (M)incide with the last per- son, ov last party man with whom they convervsed. The conservative canvasser calls, and woos and wins iheir promise of support, and he stamps the man with i ' 1 1 i , 1 1 ( ■ ) 1 1 1 m ■ i ■ I W n nl-i I I I i !' 1 1 1 1 16 rilK ODD MAN AND HIS ODDITIKS. the trade mark of liis party. Tlie next day, or next week, tlie reformer t^oes through the name })rocess, and with about the same results. Who the putty man votes for after all, depends upon the party wlio can give him the last cigar, or the last glass of drink, oi- the largest brihe, and a free ride to the polls, '^I'he man of putty has very large family eonnections, <'.losely related is a kind of Avish-o- washy, luunby- pamby, linscv-woolsey, milk and water, sort of a biped, an 0(hl specimen of a man, very, lie is little more than half human, a large ])art animal, and some vegetable, so that it is yet an opeii (piestion, whetlier the botanist, or the ))hy8iol(»gist should claim liim. It is greatly to the credit of our American civili- zation that foppery is cvci-ywhere disappearing. Kops, by whatt'vei" Tiamc we c;il! them, beaux, macai- ojiis, sparks, dandies, loungers, oi- anything elsi', find little favor in this age. To ti-.u-e from age to age through all its phases of development the history of those po))injays of fashion is a task for the satirist, or historian. To study the grotesrjue inspirations (d' folly as illustrated in tlu' careers of her fantastic votaries woidd be most amusing. There are but few men of sense among us who would iu)t say with Shakesjx'an; in the Merc/inuf, of Venice, "Let not. the sound of shallow foppery enter uiy sober house," The foppery of tlie Kli/abethan age is well and ac- curately illustrated in the person of Osrick, How pungently does Ilandet satirize the waterfly and how amusingly does he mimic his mincing mode of speecli ! In Iliulibras we fiiul mention of a creature known as ' fopdoodle. (( h 1 ou nave neen roatning, says JUit- i ler, riTTY mi;n. 17 )r next rooA'ss, putty A' wllO '' I ft" IM THE ODD MAN AND HIS ODDITIES. i ' rl I!" ii f If'f i' I II. I ii'i ill, mon i)eople of all countries admire, and seem to love so well that they could eat them, according to the old proverb ; I mean those circumforaueous wits whom every country and nation calls by the name of that dish of meat which it loves best. In Holland they are termed pickled herrings ; in France, Jean Potages in Italy, macaroni \ in p]ngland, Jack Puddings, Our Canadian and American ladies use very expres- sive terms in speal^ing of this case, they say, "Ae's soft^ or he is green." To these they have added a new term, which, to them is very expressive, they say "Ac's pwicans." In Boston they call \\'m\ stewed cab- bage. The word dandy is said to be derived from the French daudin, hence Jack-a-dandy, but some grammarians are of opinion tiuit the term* is bor- rowed from a very small coin of Heny VIII. 's time called .1 dandiprat. Be this as it may. the dandies had large intluence in those olden times. Lord Byron confesses to a })re{' that (1 they *otages Mings, expres- , " he's I a new ley say 7ed cab- (l from it some • ifi bor- L.'s time dandies d l^yion 4ays " I to me." scientific [idy is a le, office 1. Every 8 heroic- ■arinfi: of i dress to »f cl'^thes , witnout red with I I'lTTY MKN, It) doth, a |)oet tiie me- inaii and sponge, vliolesalo in lartri' man in nd when business, usiness." Innks up hir;;'e <|Uiintities of eity, town or neii^liborhood <::()ssip, travels from house to liou.se absorbinii' i'amily news. All the courtships, family inisnmlerstaiMlinus, |)ersonal aH'airs. and private matters. lie knows, or pretends to know, everybody's business, tlieir motives an'e like, you have only to brinjx to iiear a little uentle pressure, and the news of tluMvlKite town will be uiven out i'or public use, or for [irivate scandal. The news in all cases so tinged and dis- colored by the nature of the sponge that has carried it, that it a])pears very different from what it was when absorbed. This sjionge may be either niasculiue, fem- inine or neuter, and is more or less to blame for the public scandals, church trials, family broils, and civil lawsuits in city, town and country. InaiicitMir Greece, i he who slandered his neighbor, was, according to law, 4 comju'llcd to go round the town with only half a coat. If such a law was enforced in our day, some of our citizens would run desjierate risks of catching cold. There are some most excellent i.Hirou sii'()\(ii:s in community now, they go round from bar-room ti> sal(»on, and then round again, loafing and spong- ing. They never buy any tobacco (»r lick-her, and yet, they always come home so smoked, and so steamed, that voii can nose them long before they reach the I door. They are full of liipior and tobacco, inside and outside, and yet it is all sponged, fjohn was onc(> a manly man, of piincely form ami noble mien, lie had the body and brain of a noble man ; but of late y<>ars poor d(>ar .loliii was a complete wreck in H :f!^ nil ■.'I, (MM I 'h " ^>)i I'-ii I' II Hi;! 22 rill': ODD .MAN AND HIS (»DDi'rii;s. iniiid. Itody. iind estate. How does It come Jolm, tell iiu' Mow. How is it yon lU'ver hiiy drink now. do you. .loini ? \(t, n(». not now. 1 Inive notliinu' to pur- eliiise it with now. the li(|nor scIUt luis my faiMn now. Well .John, how is it yon always e(»nie home drnnk, yet yon nevei" hny the drinU. Oh sir. yon know 1 haims ai'onnd thei'e. yon see and when any on(> of I'm' comes in and calls t'oi- a (piart. and says, " come hoys." I always thinks he means me. in some snch way iMcn hanu' aronnd and ahsoi-h vast ((nantities of to- bacco, rnm and opinm. always drawinu' largely from the stock in ti'ade of some younu' man who is only a learner in the ai-t. Tnlike othei* sponu'es. these do not wait to he s(pu'e/ed in order to yield their con- tents. I'oi- in onr pnhlic halls, offices, conrt rooms, on fni'nitnre. (ire |daci's. stairs and carpets, on verandah, side walk, and stree! cars, they continnally eject their li(|nid lillh and nasty (piids. they al)ss open to tlic likes and (lislikcs oF.nuMi, till' various tastes and disjiositions of tlio odd spi'cinu'iis around liini will soon see an endless variety. ( )ne man loves lantiiiaucs. lie can spend weeks in musty, lusty, time-worn, molii-eaten lolios, liuntint>' amonii' obsolete rornis of words in lan^uau'cs loni>' since dead and buried, for the origin of a word. lie would ao miles, on foot, and in the rain, to have a controversy with an a than in prose. His latluM' (d'ten reproved him for his verse imikinu'. and one day thrt>atene(i to iipply the birch to his biick, if he did not stop his versilication. I)H I ■1) I lit I M'lii I III ' II *J >i ■-■>. || 'I, ll i: 24 Till': ODD MAN AND JUS ODDITIKS. Ilis fatlitM' : aii' poet eried out : " Dear fatlier, do some pity take, And I will i\() more verses make." One o(hl si)eeiiiien ( I' a man is so full of humor that he carries tlu> sun. moon, and stars, with the doxoloiry in his face, when, ior his wife's sake, or for his minister's sake, he ti'ies to eontrcd his fun makinjj; propensities; even then, he lanuhs all over. He eunnot help it ; it is his superahoundinu' p)od nature imitatinii' the northern liuhts. Ilis next ueiiihhor is exeeedinuly demure, he has no fai'ulty lor wit. or humor, was nevei' known t(» indulu'e in a hearty lau^h, iiideed his wife thinks that he never really and truly did lauii'li. oiiee. she says, he smiled. One odd man is so disposed to stand upon his dijiiiitv, and his diunit\' stands st> hiuh, that in com- pany he seems all alone, a ^titT. cold, dissocial hodv a kind of social iceheru', he has ik*! a W(»rd to say to anyhody. ami he does not want anyone to speak a word to him. Ilis neiti'hhoi' is iu>t as odd as he is, only away on the other exti'enie, he is s(» sociahle that he is the ol)serve(l of all ohservers. In l"iX-( iovernor I'owell. of KeiitiM'ky. you meet a line example, lie wan not an orator hy any means, thou^li a uood story tidier. Ilis forte lay in uaininii a persomd intimacy with everv one I le UK t. In tl lis wav lu' wa? powerful electioneerer. ( 'onnnuup lhe( )hio river, says a traveller, I heard the followiti^ : '•(Jovernor Powell lives there, ncs. he lives there." Is an old I'csidenter, ves he I,- A verv sociahle nuin is he not? " ^'e .1' ■■ (iKN. (UiANT AND Till: POLlTlCf AX. 25 U' lad, or that )xt)l(>,u'y lor his iuaUint>' r. He 1 nature nhhor is wit, or y hui;i'h, [\u\ truly upon his [ in coin- ial l)o(ly. to say to speak a as he is, iahle tiiat ( loVCMMlor ipU'. Hi* :oo(l story intiniticy 10 was a river, sayrt or Powoll ivsi(U'ntiM', ? " Yos. ixMiiarkably so ; ''well I tlioiijrht so." T think lie is one of the most sociable men I ever met in all my life. Wonderfully sociable ! I was introduced to him at the s|)rinus last sumniei, and he had not been in my company ten minutes when he begged all the tobacco I had, a'ot his feet u[) into my hi]), iind spit all (iver me. Kemai'Uably ociable." (it:N. (IKANT AND TIIK POLITICIAN. Ac(>i'tain we?«tern colonel in Major-( Jeneral (J rant's army took advantage (»f a sick furloutih to canvass fov a nomination to Congress. On ap[)lication for an (Ntension of his fui'lou'u'h, (uMieral Grant wrote on ihe back of it as follows : If Col. is :ibl(> to travel over his district to electioneer for Congress, he is able to be with his rcu'iment, ami lu' is hereby ordered to join it immedi- ately, (tr be dismisseai' (•(»iirni<:- he fired (lie punk and tlii'cw it out. The dou' s\vall(»\ved it at a liulp. Pretty soon tlieiv was an ex|tl()si(»n. The liead of the do^' lit upon the j)orcli, the loic-leus cauiiht astiaddle the I'ence, the hiiul leu's fell into tlu' ditch, and the rest of the do^' lay around loose. Pretty soon P)ill SyUes came alonu'. and the neiiihltoi' said : " P>ill. I uuess there ain't nineh of that doii' ol' your'n left." "Well, no, said Jiill ; I see plenty of pieces hut I uuess that dou', as a tes and fancies of peoples and nations' especially where we nuiiht suppose that taste, with delicate tinii'crs, would hardly dare to intrude. I I'efer particularly to the diiferent colors chosen in houis ol deep UKUiruMiu' ani 1 liiief. 1 n our eountrv autl with our Saxon race in all countries, hlack. only accords with the seasmis ol' urief and sadness. While in China and .la|)an, while is llu' only color usexandrians in time of moniiiiuii' chotoe ytdlow as hest atlapted to show their ui'ief. How extremely o(ld looUinu' to us such fancies al funerals. Trrr-"— ■" lie doti' 'he doii' I was an porch, liiul k\us around land the iiucl! of Jiill; 1 s a (h)ii', ill. there t I uness (THlors LOYALTY. (TlMors LOYALTY. 27 ay when |)les and hat taste, tvude. 1 'hosiMi in 11- eonnti'y lack, only .. While )r nsed to I', on the blue and sinia and to express ,n. The yellow as iMnelv odd l)urin;i' the i)as.sa<>'e of the National troo])s thi'on<>li Missouri, in ])ursuit of (Jeneral Priee. a crowd of colored men came out of a lartic house to see them, when the I'ollowin^' colhxpiy took ])lace. "Boys are you all for the union? ••Oh! yes. niassa. when yon's al)out we is" — and when I*i'ice comes, you are secesh. are you?" •'IjOI'. yes. massa, we. we"s u()()d secesh then, cixu't allow (h> white folk to t«it ahead of nid. "Ain't you (Jeneral Ilai'di'i'?" "Yes." replied the (Jeneral. '•Didn't you writ(> Ilardi'e's tactics?" •' ^'es." Well ( Jeneral I've st\idied them tactics ami have them by heai't. " ^du have an orih'i' then' to double eolunui at half distance, ain't you? I'm a u'otxl soldier. (leneral. and 1 obey all that is possible to be obeyed! but if you can show me an order in your tactics, or in anybody else's tactics, to double distaiu'c on half rations, then I'll ;l;'iv(> in. '^,,11 1 ,;ll li'HIli )l"Hlll "1 '4 1 Hi' .1 •!!,!*' 2^ Tin; <)l>l) .MAN AND HIS ODDITIES. 'riio (ireneral with a hearty laii,i!:li, adniittcd that there was no tactics to meet the case ; and piittinii" spurs to his horse vode I'orward. (TRIOrs TOASTS. Two iialhuit sons of Erin heinu' just discharged From the service, were rejoicinu' over tiie event with a wee taste of tlie ci'athur ; when one wiio i'elt all the u'lory ol" his own noble race, suddenly raised his alass above, and said, "arrah Mike, here's to the gallant ould Sixty-ninth. The last iu the Held and the first to leaN'c!" "Tut, tut man, said Mike, you dou"t mane that." "Don't nuuie that," is it. "Theli whiU do I maue?" " "^'ou mane," said Mike. aud h(> i-aisi'd his ulass iiiuh ami looked loviuuly at it. "lli're is to (he nallanl Sixty-ninth — e(|ual t(v none !" an they drank. AN ODD ADDi;i;ss. The followinti' is tiie superscription of a h'tter that passed through the Louisville, Ky., postoffice. Fcils and Confcds let this g-o free. Down to Nashville, 'I't-inicssee ; This thrcc-ccnls stiiinp will pay the cosl, I'nlil you find Sopliiii Post. PoslniiishM- North, or even Soutii, .May open it and fuid the truth ; I merely say my wile's ,ij,()l well, And has a baby, cross as you know. A crinoi s i{i;i'i,v \u Ii'ishmaii. from liattle (Veek. Michi,i>an, was at hull {{nil battle, aud wa> somewhat starlliMl when the A <;i:i:ai' ohDiiv •2\) tod that puttiiiu" scliiu'incd lit with Ji It all tlu> aised his 's to tlio tii'ld and Mike, yon t," is" it. said Mike. oviiiu'ly at ('((iial to letter that ()\V. nan, was at d when the the head of lii;^ ('oiii))anion on the left was knocked oH' by a eaiiiioii hall. A few minutes after, however, a s|tent hall broke the fing'ers of ids eomvade on the other side. The latter threw down his liun and yidled with pain ; when the Irishman rushed to him. exclaiminii'. '"iJlast your soul, you ould woman, stop your eryinu I Vou make more noist' alxfUt it, than the man that l(»st his head." A (ii!i;vr ()l)l)|■r^. ("ri;i!AN the eloipient Irish bai'ri.-ter said of him- >i'lf that he mai'i'ied before he had touched his iii>l lee. lie was in straitened fireumstances when his first fee was brouulit to his house. .Mrs. Curran. beint:' a l)arrister's lady considei'ed that their land la airs and freely aire(l her own di.-[)leasure. I walkc'd out one mtu'uinu'. says the elo(jUent man. at a later dale. "Mo avoid the |)er- petual altercations on tlu' subject of rent; with my mind in no enviable condition. I fell into a uloomy mood. 1 had a fanidy for whom I liainu' who was very precise in his prreat bite/' C'hief Justice VUiw and Curran entertained a stronu' dislike for each other. The Chancellor, once learnin' ourt lu'ver ain of tiie y Carleton 'Mtered tlie ry h)ad of asseinhled idjouriiinii;" iniportaut )ne, " poor I Lady Carletoii has had afausse couche, and — " oh" exclaimed Ciirran, "your lordship need not have made any apology as it appears that your lordship has no issue to try." On one occasion the Judge cautioned Mr. Curran, saying: "It would he well if you were better on your guard in wluit you say, for if not, you may lose your gown." "They may take the gown, niy lord, but thev must leave the stuff behind, was the rejoinder." Curran was addressing a j'lry with great earnestness and eloquence, when the Judge, who was thought to be antagonistic to liis client, intinuited ids dissent from the argunu'ut advanced by a shake of Ins head. "I see tiie motion of his lordsliip's head. Persons unac- ((uainted with iiis lordship would be apt to think it im- })lied a difference of opinion. i)ut be assured, gentlemen, this is not the case. When you kn(/>v his lordship as well as I do, it will be unnecessary to tell you that when he shakes his head there is really nothing in it," Fn the Court of Chaiu'ci-y in ICngland Curran was making a strong casi' to the Judges, and his opponent, Slicing that he was making an impression on the Court, tried every way to divert his attention and destroy the force of his arguments, at last finding that Curran was making out a strong case, arose and offered him a pinch of snull". Ciiri'an turned most politely to his opponent and said, with gravity bei'oming the place and the audience, "thank you. had my nose been designed for a dust IkiIc, it would not, sir, I imagine, have been })laced upside down." Najjoleon was an uiordinate lovei" of snuff. He took a spoon full into his nose wIumi on the field of If r 1 1" '■ "in 32 I'm: ODD MAN AND Ills ODDITIKS. i!i» Wi "; t :!• Waterloo ho wrote to one of his ii:enerals, "The hattK> is ours," but before the next hour he found to his sur- prise that the Duke of Welliii|iiton, who nevei' used tobaeeo in any iorin, was u|) to snuff". "Knows lie that never took :i pini-li Nosey! the ])leasur(' thence which tlows/ Knows lie the litillatiiii;' joy • Which my nose knows. Oh nos(>! 1 am as I'ondol' tlu'c As any mountain of its snows. I ii'a/.e on thee, and I'eel the i)ri(le A lioman knows." j^hakespeare. in his i)hiy of IT(Miry W savs: — "He was perlumed like a milliner And twixt his linger and his llininb he held A pouncet box. whicli ever and anon He gave his nose."— — "Oh. how il liniiles ii]) The titillated nose, and lills the t-ycs And hreasl. till in one comrortahle snee/.e The full collected i)Ieasiii'c Imrsls at last." When visitinu' tlie dewish teniple in PhihuUdphia. on thi- ji'reat (hiy of atonement. I took olf my hat as I entered the sacred phiee. Very soou. oddly cinmuli. one Inivinu' authority tohl im\ --Sir. |>ut on youi' hat." In thi' east. ihey. in acts aid. ••{ never snulT."" ••Oh."" said the other. ••thalVa peely. for there's u'rawnd acct)mmodati(»n."" The Scotchman is a u'ifted individual, nasally, wlictlicr we coii>ider the St rath(dyrou(l of either. The sti'eet roiiirh has, as a rule,, the nose of a puji', or snub pattern, and has much of the bulldo*;- in his e(tmposition. The old Ixomans were well off as to nose. It is much to be doubted whether if they had not such noses they would have d(»ne such deeds. They had very bitj noses and very short swonls. and they did what on in- (juirv will be found to have been the mctliod ado|)ted bv all iiH'ii of strcuiith and character — they f(»llowed their noses. The nose wi'Ut lirst aiul the sword fol- lowi'd. That fact is as plain as tin' nose on the read- ers i'iH'v. The twelve ( "lesars. beiuu' imperial themselves, had Cicsariaii or imperial noses, ■•rains .lulius." says his mo lad a nose as bin as his commentaries. "Xraplier. '■Numa Pompilius had a nose" said Lernpi'ievc whicdi was a nose — it was half a loot lonti'. His second name was only a .-urname. for a [yerson possessing- (in the lauLiuaji'e of Lydia Thom[)son ) the noisiest nose that you ever did si'c."' All the kiuys befoi'i' Tai'(iuin had loufi' noses and all of thci:! reigned in peace; hut Tar- ([uin (degenerate Roman that he was) had a small nose, and they pulle*! his throne to pieces and kicked hi in ou t of I iome Proverbial philosophy (not Tupper's) has much to *■ I^rudent men smell far, while say about noses. the fool has no nose Ovidius Naso was indebted to his j^^reat nose for his second name. Queen Bess must have had a nose of a goodly size ; tl ( IIOKAL i-KKVK i;. 35 eth, the )n to be ule,. the 1 of the 0. It is lU'li noses I vcn-v bitr lilt on iii- l n(loi)t(Ml tollowcd I the iVJul- solvi's. luul ,•' says his \oiitiU'ios."" ■\v\-v which 'COlltl lliUlU'. iiu; (in the t nose that \iniuiu had •c; hut Tar- i small uose, kicked him has much to 1 far, while Naso was cond name, goodly size; olluTwisc she cduld never have led so many men of maik hy the nose. There has been much fun joked at noses both in ancient and modern times. Tiiere was a certain French Dauphin called Count Siud) : there was a celebrity in nu^dieval romances who was called William of Oranir*'. popularly known as AN'illimii. with the short nosi". ()nr Iron Duke. Welliuii'toM was \uli:arly. yet eiidi'aiMuu'ly known as old X(»sey. on accimnt of his lari'e nose, ('t)rnelia. the IJoman matron had a nose indieaiive of character. Luerelia had a !'."■<"' indicative of Lireal weakness. ('leo|)atra had a liiu'ly formed nos<'. Pretty little women u>ua!l\' have little noses, sometimo we lind ladies with too much clu'ck. and otliers. aizain. have too much nose. Many (»f the extremely odd Illinois we see amont:' men have theii' oriiiin in the education they receive, and the early |)reiudices they formed. ( )u the introduction of hiiih cliurclii ;^^^, ^^-i^. „,,,,, U.Uvc.-u tlu" lii^ roat .ark i^Un-n .n.m. -__ ,^,,i,.„,, j.ovii.u ol ouv ..av^ln. sU'koul>uU-. ,. ^„^-,,,,iv a..! loyally to Sn.t..lM-'l>»— ' ^' •':' : ..rtlu.SaUl.ailMlay. f' -^-'•^'-^'•'■^''';;;;: nlinoron.orU.oM ..a.u.s who.. -•'-- ;;;^„:,, .,,,.;,.,. ai,ou, .k. -vm'vship of ^»*'':'^^^*^ •,•„.•• lnaS-o,rl, ko.,u- lh.aayiol..sr..nu.su-tlu ^. ^^^^^^.^^^ ^^^^,^^„,„, ai> -^ :>'''r""'; a auU. lno.k.toU.t patuMUvva.>n aan.. > ; Ui.n to .kisll.. a^ •ill '^ ■ 1 • •.,,i> ( c-iirt'O lom •■■ lis ..ii'-' '';•■ ;■'';;': ,■„■„,„ ..r i^^ >.vs. on («oa > l>l* ^ ' Jni'UlM-' owl:-. ir ''f 'Hn? h,a i..nvu..w.v. ■■""■>' «iti.^'-' -'■"'•'';;:.:,,;,,.:,,,,. i.i.-..is.uu,,,i,; •1 ri (.(>i>-ii:ai!1N(; lai)> '>i AD \VIllSKi;v hni>. K'* II tlU" |vcr was. Ml (11 < iii\' alli «lav. It'll It'H ;\Vt'U r. :i iH'iiutifnl ; llx.Ul ill*' lis II on i.lcli hos|>i- >ur!j:'i'ons Icari'il llu' ,.,lt«r lo trst wliislK". as is miisclfs. ii'prisf. and lU'h a tli'm.iJ;' I'kiiiii l'»\v ru'c '» r tlu-m, man n (M All cMcrly cliict' of a iioltic clan ui\('s ii> a uood view of tlic ^^l•i(•tll('ss of Sabbat li observance aiiioiiu- Ills people, and of tlic li'i'eat laxity on otlnT iiiattei's. To a t'l'iciid tVoiii allot lier elan, he said onr I'olk are a (iod-feariii i'olk here, said Donald . Ini ,i!lad lo hear that said Mr. M. ()ii. aye sir. (U'vA they ai'e ; ami I'll liie you an instance on it. Last Sabbath., jii.-t as the Kirk \\a< skalin. (dismissed), there \\a> a didN'er eliield j-'red D.iiiifries coomin aloiiii' the loaii whistlim:'. and looking!' as happy as il' was the middle of la>t week. W'eel sir. (tor lads i.- a (iod-learin set o lads, and aws lliey were coomin odi o the Kirk, od lliev x'okil upon hill), and amoost killed him. Mr. imiuireil 1 1 he\ were no I d riiiil assault a lone lad on ihe public ImliIiw ay ■.■' W'eel. well.'" sir. said honald. •• I'll no >ay. but it may be they were. They a'nio.-l killed him." ••Depend uiioii It. >ai I Mr. M II a l>ad thinu'. wlii>kv N\'eel. Ill no sa\' but il maw addinii' ilh an emphasis, especially baad whisky (»i»i)rni;s oi' ckiia'C mi;n, I nere are many amiisiiin' leatures iioled in tlic Ii\es of (iiir '/real nia>iers in all departments ol' science and of soiil:'. Aiiber wrote lii.~ bi'>l essavs on liorM'- baek. Il was iioi piissible for him to write in any oilier place than Paris. Meyerbeer composed his .p|i,.{l best pieces of niiisic duriiii:' the most violent tluindei'- Idv. •'IIh'V >lonii. Salieii Liaini'tl his inspii-ation while he j(,|,.^|,_" walked tpiielly ihrouuh the .-ireeis lillee with a iliroiiu- I'' [' I'll '' lllll.- "■■IH|i, 38 rHK ODD MAN AND HIS ODDI'IIKS. (»r liiiinan hciiiu's. niciiDtiiiic cntiiii: a (|iiantity of coiirccticms. — llnydcn. that [xvv',\t inastor of music, in (irdcr fo coinposc. sat in a soft arm chair, with his eyes I'aiscd heavenward. - (JlucU composed his master|)ieces in llie open aii\ ont in \\\v (dear sunshine. lie u'l'sticnhited ycvy vioh'nily. as it' he were aclinu' on the stan'c. — Ihuuhd. wanih'i'ed olV into the chni'chyard, and sat down in one corner nnder the weepinu' willow's shade. — .Mo/arl.drew his inspi- ration IVoni readinii' Homer. Dante. Petracdi etc. — N'erdi must read jtassaiics from Shakespeare. (Joethe. Schiller. Ossiaii. and N'ictor IIuii'o. Sidnller inspired his mnse l»y the snudl id' rotten apple.- which he kepi constantly in his desk : hesidi-s this, he liked to lixc annd siirroundinu's correspond- ing!' to the>idiiect noon \\hi(di he worked. When he w role I he las'i act o .M; ir\ M uart . lie li:i(l lii< ser \anl.- (dothcd in l)la(d< ; and >o Icinu' a.-- he worked on ^Vallenstein he neL;'lecteil nn review, or other militarv s|)eci;Mdc : and at home his wil'e mnst sinu;' haltle piec<- to him. (loeilie l(i\ed to Iia\'e |)lastic works d' art Itefore him a> he \\rol( •lean rani re |denislied his ideas while takini! a walk. In wrilinu' he lo\('d ihe stroni:' snndl id' llowcrs. Ilerr von Kloi.-t woiked with i^rcat dilHculfy. and when wi'ilinu poetry it was a.- il' he had a contest with an inxisihie liend. .Milltin. when coinposinn iIkisc nialcdiiess |MM'ms. nsed to snrrcndei' himselj" to the nndtinu' inllnen<'e (d' the harp and the oruan. ('nrran. when he had I'ldly mastered his hriid" and his case, and sal down to think it all over, took his vi(din. or small harp, and for hours he would seem to I'orn'et himseH', '^■Pl ODDITIKS OF (iltKAT MKX, ity ol music, ith his K'(i Ins Inslnnc. iictinu' Jlto tlic ' over those liiand ohl Hebrew melodies, which inspired and inviu'orated all the powers oP his mind aiKi w 1 |)re|)ared him for his efforts at the hi ir Alii ere ho wroti' for the staiic, says ho used to pre|)are for his mental eff'orts hy music. ''Almost all my tra,t>e- dies.'" he says, ••■vere sketched in my mind either iu the act of hearinu' music, or while under its elevatinu' and soothing' power." — Lord liacon consulted the muse> while in his most profound studies, and had music |)laycd in the loom adjoining' his study. Father Wieland in comjxisinu' his poems trilled a lively sonu', and sometimes would sprinu' away from his W(U'k and <'iit a caper in the air. Hui'^'cr. the immortal poet of Leoiiore. is said to have whistled street sonii's as he wrote his verses on |)a|)er. Ilolderlin was often cryint; w lien he composed jiis poems. Lafontaine's wife once found her hushand swimming' in tears as he wrote his poems. Mattisoii wi'ole his poems l>y moonlight while slandinii' near a window. Lamartine wrote his hest thiii^i's in the niorninu' before breakfast, while sitting before a tire. A contemporary ol' Dumas wrote thus: "The wrilinu d(>sk of ,\le.\ander Dumas presents a picture of classical disorder. 'I'he study lloor is cov- ered with books and papers, behind which he is seated formally barricaded. Also a (|uaiilily (»f cats, dons, poultry. piLi'cons and siniiinu birds are to be seen ni'ound, and these he feeds, strokes and kec|)s (tut of inischi( f while writing', in tin- backa'i'ound stand a number of |>rintei's' devils wailinii for copy, llo writes wry rajiidly. and cari'ics on. very often, a con- versation at ihe same time. lie is verv iieii'liycnt in hisd ress. p ■ 40 THK Onn MX^ AND HIS ODDITIKS. cHAiTEi: ni, Tlie iincioiit (Jreoks iittsiched yvcat iiii[»(>rtanc(' to> HiUiK's. Phitd roconiiiuMids parents to he careful to '/w'v happy, jdeasant names to their ehihhvn: and the Pvthaji'oreans thouu'ht lliat the minds, actions, and success of men were hu'iicly iidhienced hy the names they hoi-e. The lionuins tauLi'ht the same thinu". and were strongly impressed with the same 'uU\i. J3oiiwn, voiiiett omev liecame a popuhir maxim amonu' them. To seh'ct bono noniimi was always an ohject of s(dici- tn> Irofiil t inu'. tuid lionwn (/A comes from ilu' Saxon Kdith. Kaditli, Eade, Ada siii'iiities happy, PtyroiTs only daULihter was named Ada. liyroii ask>: '■ Is lliy I'ace like tliy inotlier's my fair cliild. .Vda?" A i>i;i,Aii)i: is ol' (Jermaii derivation and means, a princess. I'roetor says: " \ little maid (Joldi'ii tressed .\delaide.'" Adeline is only a dill'ereiit i'oriii oi' the same name. Ti'iinysoii asUs. " What ailetli I lieeV— Whom wailest thou, Witii thy sol'teiied, shadowed iirow, \\u\ I hose dew lil eyes of thine, 'I'lioii laiiil siuiler, Adeline? " .\^, chaste, is also from the (ireid;, ami is (»ne id' the best naiiie> in use aiiioiui' us. I '-■Hlj...,! ' nil' -a! 42 THE ODD MAN AND HIS ODDITIKS. Alfred is Saxon. siLrnityiiiM- all peace. It is a good name, and should be a Favorite ainon^ us, boast- iufj: as we do of (nu- Analo-Saxon deseent. and tracing some of our tVee institutions to King Alfred the Great who revived the Hebrew institutions of our ancestors. Ai.D'iA. or Alice is from the Latin, and means noble. Ft is one of (»ur sweetest t'emah' names. Tennyson asks. "O tliat 1 were, Ix'sidc licr now, () I will slin Miiswcr if 1 Ciiir.' () I would she i^ivc inc vow I'or vow, Sweet Alice, if I lold li(>rall." Amui.ia. or Amelie comes tVom tlie l''rench Aimee and means beloved. Amy. or Aimie. and I^niiy have the same (h-rivation ami meaning. ()ur vocabulary contains no sweeter, or more lovcablc name. Ilai)|)y i> she who beai's a mime lull of such sacred signiti<'an<;e, and happy the man who is privileged to whisj)er in hei* ear as the highest word of cmlcarmcnt .\mie. or Emily, beloved ! Anna, or .\nnic. is the llcbicw Hannah, and means kind oi- gracious. Ahaukm.a. or the French .\rabclle. has a I.,atin derivation, and has the meaning of beautiful altar. Before no place of sacrilicc bend dcviuitcr worshippers: " Melle, Arnbellii, Belle. Fiurer tliiui my verse enii lell ; Well I love tliee, .Vridielle — Helle!" Airoi'HTl's. is from the Latin, and signilies " in- creased." it implies that those who were so named con- 1 f' N.VMi;s. 43 . It is a IS, hoast- (1 tracing tilt' (irreat iiiK'o.stors. ins noble. Pcnnvsou iH'h Ainiee Iniily have vo(';il)nlary >. Happy iiiiitieanee, sper in lier . or Emily, innnli. and las a Latin til'nl altar, orsliippcrs: liiiiiies "■ in- named con- tinnally urew in power and lionoi'. Its Teminine form is AnAsii,. moans kindly, is oi' (lre(d< oi'iuin. .\ii un- popnlar mune in these repnhlican times. l>i;\'n{i(i: is di'i'ived from the Latin, and means one wlio l)le>ses oi- maki's happy. P>lessed he the man on whom she smiles. No name can he more appro- priate I'or a lovely and atl'ecti(»nate womiin. Dante has immortalized it. Shakspeare and Sh(dly have thi'own aroniid it the charm of their ver>e. Bi;n.ia>iin is a hue old Ilehrew nanu', it means •• the man of my nu'ht hand." It has heen home by men of renown, amonji' whom were -lonson and l"'ranklin. l5i:i:iiiA. means hrinht. oi' famons. comc> from the < I reek. Hi \N( A. is the Italian foi-m of IJlanche and mean.s white or fair. It is a sweiM name in both forms. ('ai.isia. means beantifnl. is(Jreek. (" A'ni.MMM:. or Katherine. is derived from the ( I reek, means pure and chaste, and is one of the best of our female mimes. In Irish it becomes Kathle(>n. In Flemish. Kalaline. .\ pretty diminutive of Catharine is Katharina; l)ut it is a greater favorite in u "!.'■ 'Ill' k. -in ■a '"h'f! I! I , I u TIIK ODD MAN AM) HIS ODKITIKS. its fainiliari/('(l foriii ut' Kate. Who over kiii'v. a Kate \vli(» \va8 not frolicksoiMc. miscliicvoiis and san<•v^ 'Plu- |K»('t says. ■' Kate ;i sweet. l)iit siiucy ereatiii'e. Witli ii li]) of scnrlel l)Iooiii : >Vo()(ll)iiies sippinii' u'oMcii simliii'lit. Hoses (Iriiikiiii:- I'icli iierfiiiiic: N'oice ;is(l;iiiity as the wliisper i''oui\ts i;ive ill tlieir erystal shfiiie. Saucy Kate, so full ormiscliiel'. Would I hat 1 eoiiM c-ili Ihee mine." ( 'ii Ai:i,i;s. Sonic ctymoloLiisls dixinc tlii> illu>- ti'ious iKunc tVoni the ilcrniaii Kai'l : .\ iiL;h>-S;i\oii ("corl. a woi-il (h'tnitini; ni>!icity. Its ti'iic oi'i^iii is round in the Shivonic Krol. a kiiiu'. Thus I\r(d. Koioj. K:irolu>. ("arohis. ('hjii'h-s. Ki'ol may have Clinic I'l'oui the Latin ( 'oi'olhi. or cn»\\ ii. Chai'h's. then i> a kin^i'. one who i> crowned. This scciiis an approiuiale >iLiiiilicatioii !'or a iiitnic which has l)ccn horiic hy so many Kiniis and l'aii|icrors. ('hiirh-s S(»iu('timcs is seen in this count ry in its S|)aiiish t'orin. Carhts. Charlotte is one ol' the reminiiic I'orms ol' Chiirh's and means a such must [irevail o\cr the hi'ai'ts of men. " My ( 'harlot I e coii(|Uers w illi a smile. Ami reiunclli i|Ueeli ol' lo\ e." ('Aitoi.iNi; is ariotiu'r feinininc form ol' ('hsiilc.-. ('aroliiic assumes the familiari/ed. or [»et forms (d' ( arric, ( allic. ( aro and ( 'al. CiiAKLoiri; hiys !isi(h' her (|ucenshi|>. and hi'comi'.- ^^ontlc Lotti(>. NAMKS. 45 '\\ ji Kate lU'V- 11'^' tiii> illii-- ul(i-S;i\nll lie K I'ol . il <. Charlo. or ci'iiw 11. ir.l. This ■ which h:i> i. ('hiirh'> iiish i'tinii. ■ I'oriiis of cs iiiiiy l>t' I nwv tlu' .1" Cliiirh-s. t foriiis t»t' iiiid hecttiiK'.- Diiiiuond bri.uht sluiU Cliwu wciir. Woven "mid Ik'I" sliiuinu' li:iir.'" 1)\mi;l. a jiuIlic i^ IVoiii the llchvcw. David, al.-c «'oiii('s froiii tlic llrhivw. It uifaiis, vvfll hchivctl. |)i:i;()i:aii. >iLinifyiiii:- a \)vv. is aiiothiM' .liood hut Ihmiu'Iv iKiinc rroiii the Ilchrcw >t(ick. i;;i)\v AIM), means truth keeper. Kdwin. happy winner, eoiues froni thcSaxon. M Im.i-.anoi; IVoiii the l-'reueh. Kh'auore is of Saxiin (iri,L;in and si::niiii's all fruit I'ul. •• Kleaiiore, A iiiniK lor inmcl'- !•) inurmui' o'er." I'^MMA. teiKh'i'. alTeetioiiate. (literally one who iiur>e>. enres for. \\atehe> over another) is of ( ierinan origin. Who eould desir.' his mother. si>ter. or liishe- j,,vt'd to Iteai' a sweeter ..r a hetler name? Kmeliiie is -imph' a diminutive of Kiniiia. 10l!A>Ml> is from the (lre(d< and means heloved. IsUM.si'. Kriiest is derived from the (iernian. ll> feminine form i- lOriu'stine. Kidl'.Ni;. nobly ileseendeij. is from the (JreeU. KuM'enia is the feiiiiiie form. gte I''i;aN(1s is of ( lermaii origin and siuiiiHcs frank and fret'. iM'aiiees. of which I'^aiiny is the pet name, is the feminine. FuKUKiMCK means ricdi. peace. (;i:(>i{«iK, a fanner, is from the ( ire "k. (ieorjfiia. {leoriTctta aiiid ( u^oruiaiia arc its fcniiiiiiic forms. ( JKHriiini': is from ihc (icniian. >ioiiilics all truth. ii 4r, rili; <»l)l> MAN AND Ills (>l)|)l riKS. (litAci; iiiciiiis fjivor. Well may it \)v a favorite iiaiiic. • •( "oiiiiih'IkI iiic to the (Iraccs:"' "Vo\i iiiiiy toiisl yoiii' cliiirming Sue, I'raisc your .Mary's eyes of Itluc, (:|ioos<" wliatcvcr name you will, Voiir liincy or your vcrst; to lill; 111 niv line rm name has place iJiit llic s\vcct<'st one of (Trace."' I1i:!,i;n (Latin Helena, l*'i'eiicli Ileleiie) is of (ireeU oi'iiiiii. I'lie true ineauiuu' seems to he a vexed (|Ueslion. ( )iie etynioloLi'ist says it meant alliiiin;:'; anotliei' uuiUes it mean a •'takei'/' one who "seizes:" whih' a third (h'liiies it as one who ••|)ities." Manv an unrortnnat<' lover I'onnd Helen allniin<:. and has tinally heen seized, taken ami ('on(|uere(l by her briiiht eves and sweet \oiec. IIa|t|»y he who Hnds her one who pities, I'or pity is akin to \i)\v. l*Mlen is a dilVer- ent i'orm of the same name. !l is ol'ten eontrae(e(l to Nellie and Ni'li. and is a line name in all its forms. I1|':m:v. means rich lor(l. is of (ierinan oi'iu'in. It has heen borne by many kiiius. noblemen and patriiiis. In its i'annliari/,e(l form it becomes llarrv. Its feiininnaiious are Henrietta, Heiirica and Harriet, who. since they cannot be rich lords, should be riidi ladies. IsAUi'.i. siuinties olive oi' brown in eoinple.\ion. This is just the mime for a bonny brunette; the [)()et siniis thus: "(rive Mie tiie l)i()Wii ix'\v\ with the lui^ht, sunny s'^'W." There is a silvery, birddike music in the name whitdi is cKceediii^ly attnictive, aiul whicdi has made it a favorite with tlu' |)oets. One says: iM w NAMKS. 47 favorite ic) is (if !■ a vcxod tillnriii^i'; "sci/A's;"' Many . and has uT hriiilit s her one s a (lilTcr- tracK'tl to I'oi'nis. HI origin. I'lncn and cs Harry. I Harriet, Id \)v rich nipU'xion. ; the poet \y ,i;l()\v." the iiuino us nuidc it "Full many maidens names there lie. Sweet to tlieo, Fair to me, And beautiful exeeediugly; Hut none on my ear so sweet doth swell As the name of mine own Isabel." Jamios comes fi'oni the oh! llehi'ew stock and. is •generally supposed to l)e the same as flacoh. The? French .Jacdues. the Spaiusli .lavnie, the Italian Gia- conio, Scotch, daniie. are the same luime. .foiix comes from tiie Hehrew, means tiracioiis. Th(; Latin, dnvenis; the Italian, (iiovanni; in the Spanish, duan. and in the h'reneii. dean. Ir lias l)eou tlu' name of some oi' tiie "greatest men tlie world has ever produced, such ;is Milton. llam[>den, Calvin, Locke, Dryden. Wesley, II(»wai'd. ^ioliel•e, Hancock an MAN AND Ills ODIHTIKS. ! "41 of fliiliiis. and tlicv all should wear on their <|U('('idy lu'ads ''soft and silkvn trcssos.'" Julia nc(,'ds no (Miloirist. since she is one whoui the poets have iinnior- tali/,ed. .lulietta oi' duliet is a diminutive of .Julia. I)ut has. as Talbot I'emarks. apparently united itself with another name, doliette. the diminutive of .loliet. which means pit'tty. liAiMi'iA means joy. a ^^ood old Koman name. ^[ai;i:i, is ju-ohably I'rom M name and a favorite with the poeis. ll> l-'rench fi»rm is Madeline. Tennyson says: " 'I'Ikmi art not sl('('|)i'(l in n'oldcii laiigiiois, \o traiict'd suimncr ciliii is tliiiie, Mvcr varying .Madciiiic." Mau'I'II'i comes from the Hebrew, and means hit- terne>. M\i;v. tlie sweetest of all female names, is from the Hebrew and mean- exalted. It i,- a famon.- name both in sacred and st-cular in all states it has been liter- ally e.\alte(l. ■■ 'I'iie very nuisicor tlic name lias udiie Into our l)ciny'." In the I'^cnch .Mary become> .Maria. " Istliy name Mary. Maiden fair? Swell should, UK' lliinUs, its nuisie he. Tiie sweetest name thai mortals t)ear Is l)ut i)etittin()i:i'; is a fine en])honic name from the (ireek and siunities ••(lift ofdod."" The fennnine form is Theodora. "jSince we know Iht tor an ;tn,i;el, Bearing meek llic connnon load. ].vt ns call her Tlicodoni. Gift of God." \'i<)F..v. a violet, is derived from tlu- Latin. Vi)V -ii Odd Diiimva iions. llrMi'.rc. 1^1 yiiiiilnre. then a hiw or ride. The word is identical with "cannon."" so caUed rroiii ils iiollow, tiiiie-liUe foriii. Hence it was said wittily that the wurld ie t he iniddh'aucs was iioverned hy canons and then iiy cannons — lirst hy Saint I'eler, ' then l»y salt pet re. 1)1 .\ii'i:i; is a coi'ru|)tioii of hhon j>i ri'.. nieaiiiiiLi' the llolv l'"alh er. o r ti'ood lat her. or 1 o|)e. wiiost lieahh \\mh\ to he toasteil alter dinner in all Catholic coimlrics. as in I'hiuiand they drink to the heaillior the (hiceii. ill overllo wiiiLi' L:la.>ses. A I ainiper is a fi'lass >o I'lill thai the lii|Uor stands swelling' in a hmnp. A l>iiiii|ier must i>e iilicd to i he hriiii. I>>-i,\\\s are not. etyiiioloLiically . laws of inCcrioi' iiii|)ortance. IhiI laws ol' hyes. or towns, as distiu- ^•iiishcd I'ldin the i!'ciieral laws ol' a kin;;'doin. "By" is the Daiiidi word for town or village; as Whithy, Whiti' town; Derhv. iV'cr town, etc ODD WOKDS. 61 t'orms. ■ lite. (»NS. oiurs I'ntiu ci'lcltratod ics. llclUH' urn' «>r the ■u !\ liiw or /" so CilUt'*! it was salt I n'ovcrni'd l>y N\int rctfi\ /•,,'., nioaninii' 1N)|)('. wliosc all ratholic llu' licalth of l)i\uHH'i' i"^ 'I ,n' in a hninp. ws of inlVriov MS. as distiii- (lom. "Uy" .. ;vs \VUitl)y, lIrs'riN(.s. TlutDj is the iiaiiic whicli the Danes ^nvc to llu'ir a>s('iiil)li(.'s held in tlio open air, as our assoinhllc's (tn nomination day. Sonic of tiuMi" sniallci- «ratlu'rin,od reason ('(U* helieviui:' that it is trom tlie Latin /wsc/'oi/ti, ignorant. ('hau(HT savs. "Wise and nollnn:^ luee."" It is a curious instanee (d' the i'\t raoi'dinary ehanuesor mean- ing' which \\(U(ls underlie) that "nice'" sliuuld conu' to sinuily aceurale, or fastidious, whieii im|»lies knowl- edge and. taste rather than iL:norance. The e.\|»lana- lioii is that the dillidenee of iL;noraiice I't'semhies the fastidious slow iu'>s id' diseernmiMil . IIi(iti:No'i's comes fioiu IIui:iienot, a small piece of money whi(di in lheliuu' (d' persecution some lied lhrouj;li fear, whereupon some of their coun- trymen saiil they were pooi- fidlows not worth a lluu'iienot — whence tlii' nickname in ([Uestion. 1 ; ■)'< II '*"%■ '».i:.i. 52 THK <)1)|> MAN AND HIS ODDlTfKS. Pknsivi. is a pit'turcsinic word {'voiw peiisa^'e. the \'\V([\w\\{n\\\(.' o^ pe/idere, to \vei,i>li. The Ficiu-li have pensec, a thought, tlio ivsiilt of iiuMital woiaiiiiiu'. A ])oiisiv{' tiuiii'c is that in which a person ai)[)eai's to l)e hohlinu' an invisible hahmct' of rc^U'ction. hiiJi-cii.i:. I^'i'oin the Latin /». antl JtaHbim. a walking' stick: one who throiiuh inlirniity K'ans upon a slick. S\(»iis may he of chissical ori >in. (iei'ive(l from sine ohoiii, without a penny; the hiti'iier chiss were caMed "iiohs." that is nohihas. the nobility — the snobs were sine nohilclate witlioiii any ai'istocratic blood in ihcir veins. PoLM'i;. {'"'I'oni the Latin ;>()/f7^/ from tiietlreek woi'd ^>o//,s. a city, a state. Hence policy, tlu' ,>cienci' of liovei'iinicnt : politics, the alVaiis of stale, of police. Iiakcspeafc >av A poor I'oiziu' \\ ho Iiilks ;ili()ut ( Durl news — wli()"s ill - who's out — Who Idsrs niid who wins; iiinl l.ikrs upnii liiniscir 'The inysti'i'V of IhillLi's; lis if lie were licivcii' spv." II()< is I'ocis is a coi'i'iiplion of Hoc fut ('or/ms, words once iiscil in iieeroiiiancv or jnuu'l erv IIi:i;n;K-sKi;i,ri;i! coiiirsrroin/<(!7i r is derived from hf xcept; ihat i- tahc or lra\i'(*^//. In Scotland thi- word is still used in its primary ineauinii. 'TIm' hut ot a house means the bc-oiit or outer aparliiieiil, as ben UM'ans be-in or the inner one. iV'I'oNI') is derived lloiil the Word* ttt 0lu\ in the «ense of to au'ree. to unite. Atoiie occurs rre(piently ODD WOMDS. 5$ mre, the ■lu'h luivo ciivs to Ih' haHbnn. w cans iiix'ii i-ivnl I'voni (•l:\ss wi'iv ,l,ilit- -tlu' ju'isturvutic ,1 the T'TiH^lv llu> .-.('UMUH' (>, (iT itolicf. llo'S ()\ll — liinsclt' en' si»y." vy . er el! celtriter i^iially iMr;m.> Scoiliiii'l tl>i> .. 'riic />(// nl I'lmriil. a- ln'ii ; ,rf oiir. ill thf iirs rri'(HU'ntly in Sliakc'f^poaiv and in old anthors in this sense, and is often written at one. ft is als(» nsed in active sense; that is. to niidvc, or causi' others to be at 09ie, or to ivrwi,/de; and hence, to reconcik' l)y expiation. Hence atonement, unity, au'reenient. (iiArcKH : — "II Ihey were -wroth she would hrint;: iIkmu at ont\ So wise and ripe words luid siie." Shakis1'|':aui;: — " I would do niueli to atoiie them." liii iiAUi) III; — "The Kiiin' desires to make dtunnneitl Belweeii tiie Duke and your l)rolhers, ' I'oNi'ii'i' is a syiKuiyui i'or the I'lipe. Pontitix, Irtuu which it springs, hore a precisely siniihir sijiuilica- ti(»n. heiiiL;' applied to tlu' hiuh priest oi' the luvithen reliu'itui. The word PoiUitf siu'niiies its plain, true and oriu'iiud acceptation a hridii'*' uitdvcr. Ponteiii facero siunilies to make a hriduc. SiKi.diN. This wiu'd calleil I'asterlini:, then <'ontracted t(> sterlin;r. II! ij{^ I,:. 'II J4tAT1»)>'1''1' ^^„., i„ „„«. ..l.lo" ti.ue. u-'.U.i -'■ , /',..,,,.|.'.. I-'" '■''>■ ''''■''■'" -"■>■ *'"^''- ^-'""' wir: u. ...M< u,. U--.. •." " i-e,. dc.nnu.a,ouna..,..oM.;-^-. ;;;;;,.,.,.,,,,,,,.n,vi•n.- Xv.-at,. ,...>■->-. In., :. ^'""-■'' "■ """■ ■ ■ . ,„,nv '"■•"■;"■;;', \s:::;!;::m. -,,.>■.. "•■•"■""- ''■'■'• Tl,,. w..v.\ alt.n-m'.v is u '-l',. "I' ArroiiNl-v. 11< ']• ,„.„i,„,„,i„-,iml (.<(/»•■ „„..■.,......,. - ^-•r;'l ■ -!'>'"■'■• ■'■'"- '"."•"^''-'■'•'''''"'''\ :,4vil. ..■..■unu.,1. •.,,,,- ""'■"•■■;;:::;;;;;:;;;:;: i... -■- --'■■'- 1 1);U>. 'Hi' i, likr a .-I"'!'"- "' '"" I . .,.,ii„\.aov,.. i>i^'"k. ■•"^' '"'"■' ■,.'a.„u..r«ia...M"- '" I....U la.nk i- >•■ l-U la.. ■ „, „,,v.- .. M,,nU. ,„,i.-..vivi-ui.'".'ai".a-- ODD WOHDIS. 65 usodto Icity and 11 a lixed V!is con- 1 rimes, (1 ]>y i'ni- siit1'(M-iui;' \v;\s not I tiuitalise. 'CiUlSl' tlu.' to nivf iio- n' nt>i>i' oil •ivlliMl tiiik- ;\ nTu' ol' i.aiH'tl at the \\V\\ Tlu'St' imiual (MiiH- rt' callrd at- „.aii> "littl*" A,M' ><> callc'l ilian Coliiiii- lovc. hitC. llrllCO kel is ((pciu'.l (■ paiHT. 'I '> had drawn a lavf a l)laiiU, BoMiiAUD. From the Greek bombus, a Iiuiiiinini^ or hoomiii"' noise, iun\ ardeo, tol)nrn; because, ae- eordinir to Vossiiis, it throws iron balls, cunisonitu et fiainma. ]i()MJ5AsiN. From bombox. whieh means a spe- ei(\< of Avasj) and a hnmminu' noise; afterwards a silk worm, from its resemblance to a wasp in its urub state. Knavi;. This word was formerly used to siaiiify a servant, or an attendant of the (^nceu or Kin^!'. Lattkm;. Johnson says, "I have derived this word from let and eyes\ let eyes, that which lets the eye. AFanti,!;. l^'roiii tiic Latin irmntele, a towel or cloth for wipinu' the hands; a table <'loth : or a loose uarment, or cloak thrown over the rest of tlu' dress. Poets sp(>ak of (he sine mantlini:' or sjireadinu' itself, :»!• a blush, because it spreads or sulVuses itself over the cheeks. Mm, TON: — "'riic iHaiilUnfi vine Tiiiys I'Mi'tli licr |»iii'i)l(' u'l'iipc iiiid ticntly creeps buxuriMiit." (lOl.OSMnil: — " Sm'|»rise(l, lie sees new lieiuities rise Swit'l niiintlinf/ lo tlie view, biUc colors o'er liie niorninij,' skies, As hriu'lit Mild triiiisieiit. too." P(»1'K: — " From plnle to pl;ite your ureedy eye-l);dls roll, And tile liiiiiii dniiees lo tlic mtiufliuff liowl." Ileiice iiiantalet, a small mantle of a chimnev or a foiliricalion. hAriti;i;. This coin in Scothind and North of Fiiuland is only a half-penny, ll rcccivccl its name - ! J, I ■ mM H '.>li iKt 'W'tiS 1 *". 11' 1 vvn ills (H)l>Il"ll"'^- ■niK ODD M^> -^^^^ " WluMi one <»T tut, ,„„„lH.v«n,ulf-P^'"^'«' ■> ^" ; , .. i,„t this be ealled " ten he lu.,m\ tUo news. IH ;' ; „ u>beo f,-.m l«>by, '"'-"",' ;:-,te.i,- Heln-e. »- " .V,,M.vs-.u'. The ^•■-; :^.' tv wove ,o,hW,..vou- „„,„, „,„1 ,.a"l '.uu'h u .t, ^^^^^^^ ,,„.u.. these .m...... "hiel. .!';■>■ ,">" ^^^,^,,4 .U-m..,.-..l.t ,u the r:,u':::-a.>-...es ^,„^ K,y,„. ■!■"''- '™;''' 'Iv hu,; ..... he,v e,eet a .".^'■'>''- '■'^''''' ""tV leeveve,. ..o,,neeU..l - U „,i.,,•,^;i^.m.^et^,eU. .u ■„. i-,miu.telv vnV..!il.' s,>hst,..u.e w,.s -•,,,.,„ ,„.„av knuvvn .,„„,., ,„,.,.,un,.nn.e.";^^ ,.,.,„ Kuv,-. I'- ..s uHu-iuu. M- -;■;;■'; ^.„,„„. .,hsu„„.es. "'"'a::::-' 'r''■^^'-"''-•■'-"- saia to have ^^^'^ ..lUuion i^'on. li^U U. - ' 1 Una no .voova ol tlu' a.n ODD \V(»i;ds. 57 of the |a large which, be called hrew au- (l tiStl'OU- es of the s>, thef^e 111 in the vast-heed; time there \e> west of oaiue from i(.i-(' erected K'ople rode, u'cti'd with ^luuiou this rutil lutclv ,,nly kn(»wii TV|)t. The iinccs. inin of this this iiiiine to Kiitilif^li ii>'^' I diiy from II lisli to fo(d. IwvvM Kli/.ii- i (licre were a to tlie wood, coal, ashes, x'liileries. etc. To this smutty st^uad the name blackiiuard was jiiveii. The name is now applied to men of dark deeds. BEVEi{A(iK. l)e:ivei- with us is a name uiven to a covei'inii' of the head. It conies from the Italian bevere. to drink. The word had Its oriuin in the prac- tice unpowdei' in ;i dish and set on tin'. If it continued (h'y enough it exploded, hut if it hecame wet with the water in the soirits the flame went out without setting' the powder on tire. This was calh'd thi' proof. Spirits which kindled the j)ow- der was said t(t he caHed proof. lU'LL. The term hull, in a ixmtitical, is said to l)e (h'rived from a sort of ornament worn by the younjij Italian iiohh'men called />j. it is (piite certain that the |)hrase dates farther hack than !(!(')(). ami thev were not derived IVom the names o f j.l: lees or oel'son Tl le (H'luin ma\' ne louno amonu' the incidents of feudal tenure in l''.niiland. Tenants of lands were allowed to take "lire hote." that is necessary !'uel. They were restricted to so much as they couhl take hy "hook ami crook."" The hook or hill was a scythe-shapeil tool to cut down only the snuillot tree^di' uudei'hrush. the crook at the end of ii pole wa* \\il)h' his olhcei's hvvv were 'Ucd Hook, look or hy llooke the (1 the Kin.Li' id tlu' KiiiLi looke or l>v late> fiirtlier mI fntni the iiv lie t'oinul 11 Kiiuhnul. > tire hote." iricled lo so ■ook."' 'I'll*' It down only )k at the end hreakin.y up till' (h'y hraiiclu>s ol' trees. By liook IP near at hand: hy crook if heyoiid tlu'ir reacli. Spcncei' in ■' J'^irtuiies oi' the Faithful." juihlish- ed in lo.lO. says, whatsoever is ])leasant or |)rotitahle must he had liy hook oi- hy crook. Tusser wrote, " Ot iiiMstivc and iiioniirels that many we sec. A number ol' tliousiuids too many there he ; Watch llicrerorc in Lent, to thy sheepe ixo and looke. For doLis will ha\i' vittals hy hooke and liy cnK)ko." (" \i,i:ndai;. At Home, tlu^ interest of money was paid on the Calendx. or first of every month ; and the hook in which the accounts were kept was called cxtlendariurn. and hence ;i register of every montli, the I'oot word is the (ireek kiileo. to call, hecause the holidays were called out, or proclaimed on the first day of the montli. Nt:ws. In former tinu's the practice prevailed of pultiui:' u|) the initial letters (d' the cardinal points of the <'om|)ass. thus N. K. W. S. news. im]»iu'linu' or im- plviiiL; that these |)apers contained intelliu'enci' from the four (piarters (d* the Lilohe. Mom:v. 'rii(> ' lirst silver money coined was .-truck in the temple of •Iiina .Moneta. and it took tlu' name I'rom the tem|)le. I'aim'.i; .\i(>\t;>. The Count de Teudilla while heseiu'cd hy the Moors, in the fortri'ss of Alamhra, was (le>iiiuie of Li'old and .-ilver. and much niurmurinff prcvaileil: this saLi'acioiis commander took a ninnher of slips id' paper, inscrihed various sums laru'c and small and siiiiied tln-ni with his own name. Tluv-e were taken and used as money. This happened in I4'S4, ami wa> the tirsi paper money on record. "'I ' !li tU) rniK ODD MA^ ^^'* " (llAPTEU IV. 1 • ,1' (lod in tlie cono-rotiivtiou ., HiM>eoi>l- ---^^^^ Xt.'t iW iu v.ln ; ana 1 1 .ivi> all "I >i"' '^ ,,,iu.,um,s,.uH.,u...v.'N.'"l.'V'" ,.,„„„ „-,,„.„.,v ■i-.'""'""""- "'■ "T "'"n V.lt us of a Uli^l'l.""' f„U ..r wit .u,.l vvi-'""- " ;i,„ |„,,v r..r 1...1.M .v,..„tl„.,-. his , P'" -"■'■'"^ , „\„o lus. fn.-l- l.'■.^"■.^^..■'-.•>-■-;';t;;; ';;::M..■>il■..>".■M.-■.- UM.!.-..'"'-'"''-''"-''""' ,;,,,,. in: .i-, -ml., ■■ ,..,,,,,VnM.in.na-l..vH;;. '■,,,,,,,,,. ....1 .... ^1'-' ''"• ''"■''\'' ,!• 1-' '•-'•' l-'^^^^^^^^^ f,„. „.,uU' w.-,ul...i'. v.' " i',';'> .,Us. i.n.l liiiily 'l...'.'-'''- 01>1) SAVINGS <>l" MKN. 61 llii'V(\Li'clU01l Iditios ami vain ; ar.'l he liclds ol 'staiit faitli (,■ whicli '111 ts [>ri'at'luM>. sayiiiiLi'"* ill"' A'V. ruruishi'.- 11< lis. not tn show us tht irn \vh(» wi'iT ' a Uiu'hhinil av fo\' hcttiT iiiu- time to hf hist tinu' he V. His prayer ion to present : o' it, yi' ken. i; just send n- save tile straw 1 lis a tearin. lime 1 prayeti sc'hicf witli tin Anotiu'ielei'uyman oiiee prayini: for rain I'litreateil the Lord to uncork the hotth's of heaven ami to send dowu ret'resliinu' .-liowers. Tlie droiio-ht liad lasteil a lorn;' time. The rain eommeneed witli Li'reat violence on Tneschiy. and continued until Fri(hiy. then com- menced a^ain on Sahhath and rained heavily. When the minister prayed auain. sayinji', ••() Lord we re- cently took occasion to I'litrea.t thee to uncork the hottles of heaven and send us i-elTeshiiii:' showt'r>; hut w<' in Deacon Comstock's lawn is as red as a l'ox"s tail. .\ jiious l^lder was called lo pray after a hattle had oeeii foiiuht. said thus. () Lord. 1 never ^v(h\ such •A day as veslei'day; and 1 doiTt helieve you ever did. We are unahle to account for the e\tra(»rdinary doiiiii's and sayings of those men. See Hev. ^^'il(l in 1()(')2 \'icar of Almo. who is rcmemhei'eil for doinu' a very uood thiiiu' in a vei'y odd way. IK' pi'esented six hihies to a churcli in his native town. St. Ives, for twelve pei'-oiis were lo ca>t dice in the chui'ch. There were to he six mahv- and six femalo. The dice were to he thrown on Whitsunday while the minister knelt and [)rayed, that (iod would direct the dice t<» his ii'lory. Memhers of committee, waitinu' for ;i (piorum, he- ,U'uiled the time hy ri'Iatinu a story from Max O'lvell's "Sandy Macdoiiald." Tlii< was cappeil hy another ft-r .w jji ^ w-gasgy --" . MAN AND HIS ODDITIKS. IIIK ol'l' ^'^^ ' .1 «■,■ ' •IM 6-i , , , .,„ ,,ia Scutch minisU-r. He wa- to cool th. atiuusplunv - _• ^^ ,vin.low,au.l little i>uiT<>i---^-;;:;^^^.,Htte,^.nn .eattcMva tlu- leave-, oi ^^^ ^'^ ^u. .uiui.ter ex- nitMUlH'l ^aHl ,„-„.. lu all .iTi..«^m-ss. l„tl..'«.-l lluu. l.^ .1 „„,„:,,,, ,,11 Imnl ,..«■.. iw„v..,-. 'nu. r..i,.T an . - ; ,„.„ ,„• ,,„.,. ,,„„1,. .„„k-. «...«=<- U,,U. ^^^_^^^ I ^^,_^_,,,,,, ,„.„„l„n,uWM-ak..."ln. .). ■ ^ ^^,,, ,„^„,. ,.„, W,,,,., Uin.i "f -■'''' ''"'tul ■'"■■,,,. llH' IWav,..' '■'""■"• '" '"'"■"""";■■ <,.„„.„ Ui.l.lan,!-- in .i.no. H..V. M.. 'V :;;•■; ■; ,„„„.,. 11.1 .V,.n, ••'■'"■'■^'■'■"'''T ; ,l.;nintl,.irir,,l,..an,Un-uy... i i Ui>I» !SAVI>"«,S OF .MEN. 63 He \v;i- (lay. whcMi iK'thougui SOUR' win' I lis kneerj a riiiw,iui- III way. •■ ** V iliaiiU 'V\\r^ we pray Th' < Lord send tie . old luaii; t'of in' I he lieaver liider ill time- luM-s tied from lit. and praye'l s, •• Twine tlu'in p of thy (doak lul we willkeoi- iu reiuenibranec. and tell it to tlie eoiinnendation of tliy goodness, ])ity and compassion, what thou didst for ns al sneh a time." An agt'd minister was pi'aying at the opcninu' of the General Assemhly. In \i\\s King -James VI. aft(M'wards James I. ol' Kngland — pnhlislicd his •'hook of sports," and eonnnandcil that eertain of them, whieh he >aid were lawfnl to he ohservecl, should be |)laved in the sev<'ral ehiirehvanis everv Simihiv at the It. lit c\ose of the service. Dr. Kogei's says: .John Ivoss, minister of Blairgowrie, adojttt'd a novel method of withstanding the Koyal ordinance. lie was a strong athletic man and seemed much interested in the recrea- tion enjoyed l»y the M(»narch. Football w:is selected by the jjarislKuicrs of I>lairgo\\ ''ie fi'om the list of Sun- day games. When tln' .-ci'viees (d' the church were completed. Mr. Koss appeared among his people iu the churchyai'd. and at once ])roceeded to join them in their gport. Tlirowing his coat on a tombstoiu' he said, " l,i(' ye there. .Minister o' Hlaii', Till I, John lioss. (Jet a game at the ha." None of the assemblage kicked uuwo e.agerly at the football than did the reverend ineiiml»ent. But constant misfortune seemeil to attemi him; for every kick missed the ball and fell heavily on the iuiclcs of those who stood near. Apologies were ju'omptly ten- dered, and of course I'eadily accepted; though every Sunday many of tlu' phiyers returned home halting. At length it was unanimously agreed that, on account Tri-itirnfir"ir-if~rr - ' — '^' — ■ ii III Nuiij, "I i<* ''ii ii« -I Ii, ; :lt|i'^:!|: M ::.ii.: ■' •64 TIIK (H»I) MAX AXD UIS ODDITIKS. of the minister's jiwkwai'dnoss the gaines should hv al)aiuh)iR'(l. This was tlie eiid (U'sirod by the inueniou- a_une. Dr. Walker were respectfully the most eh* ([Uent exponents of the theori(>s of works and uiaee a- the essential doctrines oi' Christianity. One Sunday Dr. i*)laii\ warniinii' in his presentation of his favoriti theme, tiius apostrophized virtue: "() virtue, if thui; wert (Muhodied all nun would hive thee? "' Dr. \\'alker. in the afternoon in the coui'se of hi- sci'Mion rejoinedas follows; " N'irtuc ha>l)('eii endxMlicil Did all men love hci? No: slic was despiscil und re jccted of men. who. after dcl'aminu' her. insulting' anil scoui'L:inu: iici' led. her to calvary, where they crucilied her between two thieves." dames Oliphaiil had a curious habit of makim: runniuL;' comments in a low tone of voice. Here an -peeimeus of his pulpit note-, ileadim:' of the swiin ru-^hiiiL;' into the >ea. he muttered. ■•()lithal tliede\il had been choked too 1 "' KeadiiiL; Peter's remark . ••\N'< have left all and followed thee," he said (pnetlv. A\' boastin" Peter, aye braLiiiiu' what had yon to lca\e but an old crazy boat and twa or three rotten nets? The Scotch. a< a ride. didlL" "(inewords. •• l-'iiii' worcU butter no parsiMps, i-. witii them, a fa\oritr l>roverl>. <)i le ol the clerM'Ninen who often used " dictionary words '" \\a.~ wait 'I upo'i by a dcjmtatioii ami asked, when he iiM'd unfamiliar expression^ in tin pulpit to slop and cxi>lain them. The dry humoi' of this advice met a litliuu reward. ( )n the m'xl Sun'i'ii('C a- \\v Siindiiy lis I'avoriti lU', ii" thoi; niirsc ol' lii- ('iul)odi('d isf'd and re isullinii' am! lev cnu'ii'u'd I (if makim; lliTc ai' of the sw'ni' hat thi' (h'vil .'HuirU, *■ ^Vl (|ni('tly. Ay Vdii to h'avc. ottcn nets? Kirds. " l*'ini' III, a ravoi'itr i» ol'icn nst'd a (h'pntalion rcs.-ioii'' in the (h'v hmuor ol m'xl Sunday lie at oUC' ODD SAYINGS <»K MEN. 65 slopped and added. As ajiircd on, I now hvg leave to (jjive an apt illustration of this term. Were I to say at this moment that the nhole of my eon<>rei«ation Avere sound aslee|), thiscertaiidy would hean hyperhole; hut if 1 say at this moment that one half are in this abjeet ('(.udition, this would not he a hyperbole, hutthe truth."" Talkinu' alxmt •• line phrases,"" i-eealls am)thei' ^toi'v of a ch-ruymaii who had a loudness for lonu' words; and undertook to instruct one of his church officers ill I lie use of them. One niuiit as (hey were aiioiii lo leave the vestry, .lolin askeil iheminister if he sjiouid put out tile candles! "say cxtinu'uish,"" an- swered the cleriiymen. and not "|Hitout.'" "An."" said dohn. " doesextinuiiish always stam'l for put out?" ".\lways."" replied the minister. 'IMie next Sunday it happened t4iai a doi: harkt'd in ihechundi. John at once rose in his seat, and solemnly uave the order: — "Someone will please exlinL'uish that dot«'." .loliii IJrowii of lladdiniiton was the author of several works on 'I'heidouy. lie courted a lady up- wards of six years. lie was so singularly modest and l)ashful that he had never ventured to kiss lu'r. ()iie day it occiiri'ed him that it wdiild not he a had thinii' to d(». So he said, ".laiu't. ma W(mian, wt'"ve been ac(|uainted now forsix.an." an," I nevt'r not a kiss yet. D'ye think I may take one. m\ boiinie liiss?" The reply was wonderfully characteristic of the Scottish maiden. "»Jist as ye like, dolin," said she, "only be becomin' and prop*'r we" it."" " Surely, Janet,"' said John. "Wellask a blessin."' The blessing- was asked, .and the kiss evchanii'cd. "() woman," said the en- "ill!-**,, V. ■ \l .. MVN AND "l^ ODDITIK^- TIIK C)1>1> ^l^^^ ^ • Aiov "(> \v(»nuin,but it Kn.t--> ''>>'-'•'" ''''^'"VSr- u,.ui,ov ,.-,,1 .0. „f t|„. Kivk. ...■■ «i."l "I ^« • ,„„j,,.,,s,.tin.. t« .,a„... ,,u,..a . i.v,o .uu, ^^^^ „, ,„„, •,,U».so,.m.l<"m'll^'l. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, nl , ,,„ vo., r.ir -,nuu . ^^, .. ,.,„,so ynu Uy .K,mM. I w ^^^^^^^ -> \''--^'''''^r:u;:!nu,,.«.v,,Mi,y.'"- i lUO Yowr Jll'Xt V " I Nvill v\»n ll»c \v!vy t>i w \u'n tUovi 4Kilt cnhiriiv \\v lu'iut, you l)ivvi« \. ^vi' i''>»> Id ul n\ii U!< vvc N„ thiu\U?* to with such us v«»i» Ml WUf l.lo(|\ltM>l JVS W I'll lis (lUi villi. xh\\ the t»iH>st r .rut'.ition oi tlu' notion of lilH'Vty m t'HUii litv, us Kmiu'o I )l'(U luinu'tl it if louiul in a r( to 11 < U'\>ntivtion I'n.iii his iM'oj ,\(. uslvin^ lii^ views (Ui l»roh- n\ ply thi' i[yv 'stion. He suia to thorn, My I'vumu Ih, I luul II oiill "I il ii 'JWjm0^" AN E<2UAL1TY. 67 lit It :\ii hotit l- l-inint [tioii to short i, and in tlu' Ivc ; Itul liiiiiii-^tiT art. this von. hut i/aiii, \'\\ Psahu a^ tl \v com- rl Il( tlOM, I )M? Wlu»t 'oiniiiaixl- Wliat is UnhlU'lltH, thanks to with such It. Troh. ihiM'tv and ply tlic had a call n a r( ;WH oil 1 troiii some of you the other day, desiring' to know my opinion on liherty and eciuality, I now t'nitill my promise, since your visit I have traveled in spii-it over the universe, and I shall just tell you what I have seen in my travels. . I hav(> traveled over the earth, its fro/en and huriunij: /'OIK'S, mountains and valleys, moist places iiiMl (lr\- I'ertil (> lands and sand\' desei'ts. am I I I lave -een men and children, hiuand little, stronu' and weak. ■B wise and ii'iiorant, yoodand had, |)ow( rl'ul and helpless, rieh and po(»r. ?>'o e(piality Ihere. I 1iave traveled thrnni:li the sea, its depths and shoals, rocks and sand l)aidser lights, suns and satellites: and I have round thrones and dominions, principalities and |)owers. aiiLi'els and aridianu'cls, clu-ruhim and seraphim. No (■(pnilily there. I have decended into Indl. and there I have fouiid l>eel/,(d»ul>, the |)rince oI'devilsaiKl his grim councillors. M(doch and lielial, lyrani/ing over the other devils and all of them ovi'r the souls of wicked men. No eipudily thei'e. This is what I have seen in my travels, and I think I have traveled far enough: 11' any of you wish to search for yourselves you need not travel the road 1 have taken, you will not find what you want on earth, 'tr in the sea, lu'ither in Heaven nor in Hell. I have •!% TT 1 i"*1'ii II! '2*! rM «:• 11 1:1 i'}^ Tin; ()l)l> MAN AM) HIS odditiks. <>iven you my ox[)eri(MR'o, it rests with you to make ii proper use ol' it. AN ODD l'l!AYi:i!. • A Viraiiiiii slave, wlio liad heard of th(> President's j>r()mis(' coiiccriiiuu' the proehimatiou to lie issued, on the 1st of January, tiien only a f(>\v days in the future, was heard pi-ayinu'. and with ureat earnestness, and a deeply alfeeted heart, thus. '• () (lod almighty! keep tlu> I'uu'ine of the I'chellion u'oinu till Nt'w Years! (Jood LordI |)ray don't U't olf the steam I Lord, don't reverse the enuiiu'! (km t hack up! I^ord, don't put on the hrakes! But pi'ay,_u()od Lord, put on more steam! .Make it a mile a nnnutel yes Lord, pray make it u'o sixty nnk's an hour. Amen! Do udod Lord! resjxdid.^ the hrethi'en and sisters. " Lord don't let the express train of rchcHion siuash up till the lirst of flanuary. Don't h't the rehclshreak down hut hai'deii their hearts as hard as IMiaiaohs. and help all hands -iijiug until the train reaches tlu' (U'pot of emancipation. soi.DiKi; wir. The colonel of an .Mahama rcizimcnt was famous foi' havinu' everythiim' done up in militaiT style, once, while Held otticer of the day and u'oinu' his r(uiuds ol' inspection, he came on a sentinel from the Lleventh Mississippi reiiiuu-nl sitlinu' down at his post, with hi> U'un taken entirely to pieces, when the followinn' dialou'ue took place. Coloiul. " Don't yon know that H sentinel whih' on duly should always keep on his leet?" Sentinel without lookiiiu' up. "That's the way we used to do when the war first heuan ; hut that's NO I'HriT i;ati:k. (•»<)■ ^ I 1)11 jdayod out Ion;;' atio." Coloiu'l, (l)euiiiiiiiit>' to tloiiht ii' the lium was on duty) " Aivyou tlio sentinel hero?' Sentinel, "Well, I'm sort of sentinel." Colonel, •• Well I'm a sort of otHcei- of the day." Sentinel, '* Well, if you'll hold on till I sort of uet my pipes and heLian to play. The nniisnal sonnd teriilied the wolves, which look tollicir heels, Sandy tpiietly said. ••<>d. aii I'd kcniicd ye likct the pipes sac wcel. IM a L^ieii ye a spi'in;:' afore sapper."" 1 don't know a iietter example of sly dri\in!j on his Lironnds. was shaken hy his carriaiK sti'ikiiiii' a stone at the Liate. lie was \-ery aniiry. and ordei'cd the ^atekeeijcr In lia\e it re- moNcd I X Tore his relni'n; on conunu- home the -hock was >till more se\-ere. the an;iiy man roared ont ■• von rascal, if yon don"t send that heastly stone to h I'll l)reak yonrhead."" ••.Well."" said the man (piietlv. and without nicaninv!' anythinL; irreverent . " aihlinsnin it were sent to heaven it wad he more out of voiir lord- shi|)"s way." Ivev. I'atrick Siev,art one Snnday t(Mik lo the |)nlpil a sermon wilhonl lookinu at the lir>t lew pau'es. as he rose to commence his sermon, he said. " Mv hrelhren. I liiid (hat the mice have made Tree with the I } I a s A j)YiN(; i;ri( ri;i:. 71 ■•i «(' ic si. I a III to le- iial 1.4 I be^iimint;' of my si'i'iiioii. so that I cannot tell you wluiiir the text is ; hut we will just \)v"11 lind the text as we '^-o iilong." An old hatelu'lor. a minister, on entering:' the pulpit one er\ iee was coiupleieil. Di;. r>Y!;(»\i . on pri'achimr. " Tile specious -^eniioiis of ;i leiii'iied man Are litlle else than liaslies in 'lie pan. Tile mere luirami;:iiii!' (Upon wlial ilie,\ call .Moi'aiit V ) i-< powilei' witheul liall; l)Ul lie wlio pi'eaclies wiiii a Clirisliaii n'l'acc, Fires al our vices, and the sliot lakes place. " AN i;i'i(i i;i: miNc " .\\ ieiiLi'tli. mv Irielids, the I'easl of lil'e is o'er . I've ale siillicieiit— ami I'll drill!'; no more, My iiiLiiit is come : I've spent a Jo\ial day : 'I'is lime lo pail : Inil ()! what is id pay?" .\ sermon preached hy an idd miiii.-Ier lo three liiu'lnvayiiieii who had roi)l)ed him siiid lour i:enllcinen; hilt he heiiiicd \-eiy lianl f(U' a litlle money, tind llu'V " heiiiu' li'enerous fellows"" L!ii\c him all his money hiud; au'aiii on comlilioii of his preachiiiLi iheiii a sermon. So laUinu' them oiV the hiuhwav he >aid : •■(leiille- T i„#^ If: , . I ' fit •I' 72 THE OI)l> MAN AM) HIS (H)I)ITIE«. men, you arc the most like the old apostlos of any men in the world, for they were wanderers njxtn the earth,, and so are you; they had UiMther lands nor tenenients that tiiey eonld call their own, iu>ither, as I presume, have you; they were despised of all hut those of their own profession, and so. 1 helieve, are you; they were unalterahly fixed in the principles they professed, and I dare say so arc you; they wme often hurried into jails and [)risons, were persecuted hy the [)eople, and. endured ureat hardships — all of which sutVerinini()ii of a certain >enuoii, replied, I liked it very widl, exeept that there was no piiu'h to it. I always like to have a pinch to evei'v sermon. I was reminded of this anecdote by the I'emark of a son of Tseptnne from Nantucket, whom I met in tlu> uailery of a crowded church last Sabbath cvcninii'. He said, " It was a handsome sermon, but he would have liked it better if it had struck the har- poon into the conscience oi' the sinner." riii; TOM in:. " Tlic lioiiclcss toiiiiuc. so small ;ni(l weak. Can (Tusli and kill," dct'lai'cil llic (ircck. " Tilt' toiiiiHc destroys a iiT(,'atcr horde," Tiic Turk asserts, " than do(;s the sword," The Persian [trovcrh wisely saitii: " A leniitliy tongue an early death." Or sometimes takes this I'orni instead ; •■ Don't let your toniiue cut otV your head." "The tonu'ue can speak a word whose speed," Says t lie Chinese, ••oulstrii)s the steed." While Aral) sa.ii'es this impart : ■■ The touii'ue's ureal storehouse is the heart." From Hebrew wit this maxim spruni;' : ^ •' Thouuii feet sliould slip, ne'er let the tunguo." The sacred writer crowns the whole : " Who keeps liis tonirue doth keep his soul," liKV. Mi{. SiMMKUi'iKM). — It is recorded of tho late Mr. Summertiehl tluU beinn asked by ii bishop where he was born, he replied, "1 was born in Eng- 1' A n I 91 -i rili: ODD MAN AND III« ODDITIKS. land, and horn auain in Ireland." What do you mean? said the hisho}*? ''Art thou a nuiriter in I(«rael, and kuowest not these thinii's," was the i'e])ly. IvoWLAND I III, I,. — The secret of liis succe.ss in preaching' lay in his keeping;' close to nature : for what afVeeted his own heart, used to atfeet the hearts of others. Slieridan used to say of him. I 're_i!iitioii. The pra\'ers of this coiiLii'i'^atioii are desirecl-- nmpli — for — um])h — well. 1 si!pp(ts(> I must finish what I ha\-c heuuii — for the llev. Kowlaiid Hill, that he will not eo ridiiiu' ahotit ill his carriaLiH' on a Sunday ! This would have diseon- certed almost any other man : htil he looked up as cooly as jiossihie. and said. ■• If the writer (d' this piece of folly and impertinence is in the c(»iuzreLiation. ami will iid ijito the vestry after service, and let me put a saddle on his hack. I will ride him home instead of ii(»iiit;' in my carria,i.;'e." He then went on with the services as if nothinu' had haj»i)ened. — JJ/e by Sidney. I to IK un to W St I Ol III h< 1 ii i SIIAIM' I'ool.s. rxirAM.ow r.i) ( i kiosiiv. (•) When Auti'ustinc was oiicr asked, what (n»(l wa- (l(un_u' hefoi'i' creation, he answcind. •• Ptcparinj;' Hell i'(»r impertinent ([nerists." Lutliei was wont to pray thus. From a vain, u'lorions doctor, from a contenti-iu- pastor, and from unpi'oHtaMc vuestions. the izood Lord deliver his churcli. \VmTi;ni:Li». The late .Mr. Whitelield in a ser- mon he ])reache(l at Ilawitrtli I'or .Mr. (irimshaw lia\'- in<:' spoken severely of those professors of the ^dspcl who. hy their loose and evil conduct, caused tlic way- of trnth to he evil spoken of. intimated Ins ho|ie. that it was not neee>sar\- to enlarLic much upon that pojut to the couLireuatiiui l)el'ore him. who had so loni;cn- joyed the henehl nf an ahleaml j'aithfnl preacdur. and he was williuL;- lo helievt' that their jU'olitiuu appeai'eil to all nuMi. This i'ou>ed .Mr. (iriui>haw"s .-piiit. and notwithstandim: tiie Lii'ea.t re;^ai(l he had for the preacher, he stoo(| up and interrupted him, -ayini:. with a loud voice. "' ( )li sir I for (lod"> sal^c il" not spi'ak so: 1 pra\ . vou di> not llattcr them ; 1 fear the iireatcr part ol' llieui aie izoiui.' to hell with their eves open."" l'i;i!s-i;\i:i;.\N(i;.--Two coloreewerance I "" " Oh, me tell yon what dat nu'ans. it means, takeriu'ht hold, hold fast, ham:' on. ami no let u'o." ;*■ 'f; i#ri| 7.6 Tin: oDIl^MAN AND Ills ODDITIKS. Ki:v. Rowland HiM.oftoii ivpontod of a favorite siuthor: Mr. Bijrotrv foil and broke his Icu' ; would that he had hrokoii liis neck ! "A MAN AND Ills SIIOKS." How iniu'li ji niiiii is like old shoes I For instance, both a soul may lose. Botli have been tanncid, and both iwc made tight !)>• cobblers, and both get left and right. Hoth need a mate to bo complete, And both are made to go on feet. IJotli need healing and botli grow old, And both in time will turn to mould. ^Vitll shoes the last is lirst, witii men The lirst shall be last, and Avhen Shoi'S wea>' out, they're mended new. When men wear out they're men — dead too. They both arc trod upon, and botii Tread on others nothing loth. Both have their ties, and both incline ■ When polished in the Avorld to shine. They both ])eg out. 80 would you choose To be a man or l)e his shoes? Havnks. — When a r(>vival of religion was in i)ro- •iress in his parish, and Satan uave intimations of dissatisfaction, (as he is wont to (\o at such times) some of his sttulents. havinu' l)een slandered for their zeal and activity, nuide their complaints to him of what they had suffered, and expi'cted his syin])athy ami pro- tection. .\fter a i)aiise, Mr. Ilaynes observed, " 1 knew all this before." " Why, then," said (Hie, "did yon not inform us?" " Because," sjiid he, " It was not worth communicating^ ; and I tell yon plainly, and oiu'c f(M'all, liiy yonnji' friends, it is best to let the devil carry his own uuiil and bear its ex|)enses." ;* -m Tin; rsi; oi- timk. I I '' Tin: Dkvii. is I)i:ai)." — It i- sii young" men havinu- agreed together to try his wit, one of them said to Fatiier Hayiies. " Have you hi-artl t!ie good news?" "• Xo." said he. •• What is it?" •' It is great news," ''indeed/' ,-aidthe other. •■ :ind if ti'ue your business is over." '• What is it." again iu(inired Mr. Haynes. " ^^'hy." said the other. '• the een a thousand times, and know ha^ an existciu'c, why do yon tisk me to tell you what the Inliuite spii'it is. or why do you doid»t his exisieiu'e? The skeptic was linnb. as all unbtdievei's are, ami will, when they staiul to be judged by that (Jod whoM' name they blaspheme and whose words they dt'spi.se. N(! slKsl ri'iri', l't>i! ( lllilsl I ANirv. Iididels should never talk of our ^ivinu up Chi'istianily till lhe\ can propose something' superior to it Loi'd ( "liestertield's answer, ihererore, to an infidel lady was very just. When at lirussels he was invited by N'oltaire to su|) with him and Madam ('. 'I'he con- vei'sation happeuini;' t(» turi' upon the alVairs (d" Kn^'- land. "I think, my Lord," said Madanu' ('.. '"that the parliai.ient ol' 10n<;'land consists ol' live or six hundred of th»' best i'd'orme(| men in the kin^idom." " True, uuulame, they nroy:i'nerally supposed to be so.'* "What, t!«eu, my lord, can be the reason they tolerate so on-at an absurdity as Christianity.'' "I sup- pose, mndame," replied his Lordship, " it is beeuuHo thev have not be«'ii able to substitute anvlhiny: better in- th HUMAN NATUKi:. 79 'V in itsstotul; whoii tluy can, I don't (Icuht hut in tiu'ir wiisdoni they will rwidily adopl it." IHMAX NATrUK. When some one was talking' ix'Tort- thai Scotcli- injin, Dr. Cheyne, of the exeellenec of human nature, • Hoot, \w<>\, mon," said he, human nature is a i'o;j;u('. and a scoundrel, or why would it |)er[)ciually stand in need of laws and ndii^ion. rooi; si'i IK. " Well, l^'ather IJi'own. how did you like the scr- nnm yesterday V" asked ;■ younii' |ireacher. •• \v see, parson," was the i'( ply. " 1 ha\'en"t a lair chance at them sermons of yonrs. 1 am an old man now, and hav(> to sit pretty well hack hy the -love, and there's old Miss Smithie, WidderTalV. and 1\\ land's dauuhters, and all the I'esl. sittiu in IVont of me with their mouths open swallowing down all ihe hest of tlu^ sermon an what ^ets down to me is pretty poor stulV, |iarson, pr<>tty po(U' siulV." .\ mauniliceni memorial window was last year pri'- sente he be a meud)er in full conuuuuioii with one of the churches aUowcMl in this dominion. Kach free nuiu shall sweai' by ihe bh'sscd (iud |u l)ear true alh'uiam'e to this (himinioii ai'd thai Jesu> is the only Kinu'. No nur.i shall hold ofiice who is not s(uind in I'aith to his denomiuation. No lodjLvin.u' or food shall be oiVercd to a (^uaU"r, Adamitt'. oraiiy other heretic. If any |>ei>on turns (Quaker, he >liall be banished, and if he I'eturus, he shall sulVci death. No priest shall abide in the dominion, he shall be baiMshed and sutVer death if he return. No person shall run on the Sabbath, or walk in the ai'ch'U i)\' elsewheri', e.\ce|it i'ervV'ully to ami from nu'etiiiii's. No pei'son shall tiavel, cook viclmds. make beds, shave or cul hair on the Sabbliath dav. I .. ODD I,AWS. St The Sabhiith sluill begin at sunset on Stitunlay. No person sluill rejul common prayer, keep (Mirist- mas or Saint's day, make mince pies, play cards, dance or play any kind of music exce])t the trumpet, or Jews harp. Xo minister shall join people in marriage ; the magistrate only shall join peo[)le in marriage as they may do it with less scandal to Christ's church. JJRY SKiniONS. One ol' our city clergymen on removing hither with his household gods and goods, carefully packed his sermons and marked tlie box " keej) dry." It is not every [)reacher who is willii '." make such iui ad- nussion in black and while. b.' ■&* ;.i2 Tin: ODD MAN AND PIIS ODDITIKS. """:: ii:,. . ! d* ^;ffil> <<»' ^1 ('HAlTi:U V. A ('((lU'ctioii of the oddities of the ]*ress, would, to my iinnd. form a most intei'ostin.i!,' ('iini)tei' in the iiiriosities of literature, 1 here jU'esent my readers with a few spccinuMis which have come under my o\vu obser- vation. Sonic years aii'o the London Tinicn, in speaking' of a discussion ht'forc the council of minist(>rs, when Lor cliamlelie}' liad thrown an extraordinary liuht u])onthe <|Uestion.'* In one of the editions of Davidson's Populai' Kmi'lish (iranimar. the prim-iple parts of the verli. to I'hide. wcri' u'iven as follows: — •" Present infinitivt' — to chid ; [>ast tiniti' — I chid ; past intinitixc- to have children." in the London C'^nrier. some year.- aii<>, his majesty (iem-u'e the 1\'.. was said to have a lit of the yoat at IJriu'hton. the doctors called it the u'oiit. Another journal advci'tised a sei'mon Uy a celc- l)rat:\\\v an extract from the Iveiiisti'ar's returns, in which it was stated that the in- habitants of liondon were suiferin^at that time " from a hii:h rale of niitralitt/." \ waii. once asked what is treason, hut reason to 3J T? Which 'P. an accident of (he Press may displace b«r occurred was cau>ed b\ the letter (' drag<' in a "I^MMn"" of the book of 84 THE ODD MAN AND HIS ODDITn:S. -111 m •ih 5- lii •if common prayer: "We shall all be changed in a moment in the twinkling of an eye." When the hook appeared, the par^sage, to the horror of the devout reader, was })rinted thus, " We shall all he hayiged in a moment in the twinkling of an eye,'' Some years ago the editor of the Portland, ^le., Argus undertook to com])liment an eminent citizen " as a noble old burgher, proudly loving his native state;" but the neatly turned complin\ent came from cimi- positors hands, " a nobby old burglar prowling round in a naked state." This is almost a match for a telegraphic bhuider of which the Rev. eloseph Cook tells. Not long ago Ernest Kenan had occasion to telegraph across the British Channel the sul)ject of a proj)osed lecture by him in Westminster Abbey. The subject, as written by him, was, "The InHuence of Home on the Fornui- tion oi' Christianity." It was announced all over Kng- land, "The Influence of Kum on the Digestion of Hu- manity." A reporter paid a well-known city belle a comf)li- ment, saying, " Her dainty feet were iMicased in shoes that nught have been taken for fairy boots." Next morniiig it read, " Her dirty feet were encased in shoes that might have been taken for ferry boats." A writer in a recent article repeated the anecdote of the poet and wrote, " See the pale martyr in a sheet of fire." Imagine his surprise, as, next morning it read, " See the pale nuirtyr with his shirt on fire;." It must have been a new beginner that set up ftandu'tta, making it read " I am better." f 3' ODD BUNDER!^, 85 A lumber merchant rejxjrted " a bridge carried away by a drive of logs." The morning paper had it *' a bridge carried away by a drove of liogs."' An adverti.^ement was handed in '• The Christian's dream, no cross, no crown," it appeared, "The Christians dream, no cows, no cream," A reporter of a Chicago [)aper once referred to an intelligent craftsman as "a thinking tailor," the printer made it read '• a thieving tailor."" The storm struck the reporter and not the printer. The Cincinnati Enquirer uwcc created a sen.^ation, in display type, that a gang of American counter- feiters •■ had been shaving the (^uecn,"" when shoving the ((ueer was inteixled. One of the woi'st instances of misprint was wliere the lieading "A Iluiieyinoon Cut Short,"" was printed in full face ty|t('. ""A Hungarian cut throat."' Another e(|ually disagreealtle blundi'r. to the par- tics interestod. was where a distinguished traveler was reported as having I'ecently died in tlic *■ richness of sin."" An apology was mas uo iie\vs|)a|)er writer was ever luore dis- turbed by a trifle tliau was the society re|)orter. who, in desciiiting the lielle of a i'ashioualile party, iiitended t(» sav. "she looked unfttif," hut found that an un- fi'cling printer had uuide it read "she Vw\<.(h\ all feet."" Of all writers, the late Horace ( ireehy was most noted for illegible copy. Ou one occasion hi' pi'uned Homi'thing about " suburban jourmdism advancing," but the type setter thiidcing it one of his famous %% } m .■"■'M olely to an error of the types. Just hefore the coup de etnt, a minister of tlu' home ottice, busy |>re})arinii' public sentiment, wrote. Que le mot d'ordre soit vivo Najioleon ! ! ! The printei- took ^ the exclamations for '■ III." and so the procla- mation went out. was copied by the I'ress, and incor- porated in public speech. It was no time i'or explana- tion, and so the nej)hew of his uncle ado|)ted the title. The most carefully edited journal is fallible. Oif the New \ovV Tferakh proof readers have been suspended for weeks. In spite of this severe (lisci])line. X\\v Herald ynn-v made the astonishiuLf announcement that a lona; liiu' of scorpions feathers tih'd into church, instead of suri)liced fathers." It was in the New York WorhVs report of a political meetinu' that the word '■'■shouts''' was so. Judiciously misprinted as to nud!!' % u\ m.: % his brow; a dark cloud in his han«l; the unavoi(hihle walking' stick in his eyes; a threatening look in gloomy siloiice. A Pittsburg paper made ratlier a ridiculous l)hind('r lately. The editorial said, '' The Legislature j)asted the bill over the governor's head." Will you please insert this obituary notice ! jisked an old gentlenmn of a country editor. " 1 make b(»l(l to ask it because I knew the deceased had a great nianv Friends about here who'd be glad to hear of his death." A country doctor in conversing with a friend about the high rati' of mortality then prevading, lu> remarked. •• Bedad, there are peo])le dying who never died before I "* Speaking of a neighbor who was a daring, rathei'than an cxpi'i't. marint'i. he related how "■ his yacht had stuck fast an' time ho said uothini:-. — I came with my hrothers, Horace and Hcnrv. reads, I came with my Itrother's horse and II(>nry. — A medii-al witness, speakintr of the illness of a lady patient said, *' she appeared to he somewhat nnsirnn^' and nerviMis." The transcriher made hini say. "she apjteaivd to he kneesprnn^' and nervons." — A minister |)reachin«;' a sermon on the (h'ath of a tienth'man named Samuel, (pioted: " And hiids and l)h)ss()ms in the dnst."' He was ama/.e(l to read in the next issue of the i)a[)er; '' and huds and blows Samnel in the dnst." An attorney asked a I'emale witness how she came to he employed hy the |)laintilV. and she answered ; I saw a >\'j:\\ in the window. '• l'\'mah' clerks wanted hei'c."" The hhinderinii' re|»orter rendered it, "■ Family color \\arrante(l here." " An oi'ator I'eferred to the dilVei-ent reliirious sects, or denonnnations lioiniz' f<>rone another throuu'hout the country, and said: •• Here we have one sect perse- cntina' another." and was so reported, hut the transerihiM* riMidei-ed it. "'heri' we have one sick |ierson feedinu' another." (oid ^o it ai)|)eared in the papers. Several vears a^o an ennnent lawyer hired one of these professors to take testimony in an imi)ortant case. The transcribed minutes astonished him. they read, a patent, upon which mnch dei)ended in the siut, was converted into a " potentate;" a "solid frame," was ■''ii'.t 1^? ll mi IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 4 // Si l6 1.0 ^"-H^ 1^ i^ llll 2.2 ■UUk. — u 125 1.4 |..6 ^" >^ ^ ;^ <^^ A^ /. ^M jk^^ V /A Photographic Sciences Corporation ^ '^ 'iS v <^ 4^ 4^X4 c^ «• i3 WIST MAIN STRUT WIBSTM.N.Y. U5S0 (716) 173-4503 '^ ■ill ^tf Mi i 90 Tin; <)I>1) MAN AND HIS ODDITIKS. conveitt'd into "an Isolatoil farm;" tlio I'liniacos of this t'oniitrv wore sot down, " f.s the tinians of this ('(timtrv," and the <|uostion, "weie you in the liabit of visiting the house!" was written: wore you in tlie habit "• of fastening the hose." CONSIlKNZi;. The rolh)win<>' liappenod in one of the leading Toronto restaurants : A swalh>w-taiK>d waiter of pro- nfuineod (lernian extraction, brought a |)hite of straw- boi'ries to a eustonu'r. The enstonier ventni'od to re- mark that the berries were stah' and (dd, an im- pression wliieii the Teutonic genth'man imm(>diiit(dy 'ouji'lit to remove II; ive vou anv conscience, the lover of berries replied. Conshenze? conshen/.e? Hans re- replied. " I haf been asked I'or dot belore, but it es not on tlic bill of fare to-da\' ! " V»^l < A DKI.K All; vol N<; l,AI>V She could swiiiui' " six pound (luinl»-l>t'll, She (((uld IViicc iiiid she could box ; SIk! could row upon llic river, Slit! could cliuulicr 'inonn' the rocks ; She (!ould do sonic heavy howlinu'. And pliiy tennis idl diiy lonu' ; But she I'ouldn't help her niolhei", ■('iiuse she wasn't very Hlron^-. i;N(ii,isii AS sin; is wnori; " The leiiclier. u lesson Ik? timylit. 'I'hc preacher a sermon Ik; prau^^hl ; The stealer he slole ; Theiiealer hehoh- And I he screeeher he aw lull V serauuhl. V -if EN(iI,ISII AS SlIK IS WROTE. 4-» sn The long winded speaker lie spoke ; Tlie post ollice seeker lie soke ; The niniier he ran ; The (hiiiiier lie dan ; And the shrieker, he horridly shroke. The tlyer to Canada Hew ; The buyer, on credit he bew; The doer, he did, The s'ler, Ik sid; Ami the liar (a lishcrnian,) lew. The writer, this nonsense he wrote; The tighter, an editor fote; The swininier, he swam; The skimmer, lu; skam; And the bit(!r, was liun,ti-ry and bote. .■'^ 92 THE ODD MAN AND HIS ODDITIKS. ■mi If 1 *. I (TIAPTER Vr. The oddities and ciiriositios of our race crowd upon us, and nioct us in cvorv turn of life ; and in all the bvc-i)atlis where mortals tread. One would su})|)ose that so serious a suhjeet as death, and the urave would awaken reverence of thought and seriousness of ex- ])ression; and that soher, sensible woi'ds only, would find their way into our cemeteries, hut such i> not the case. The epitaphs written, many of them, are not only not serious, they are not even decorous, th(>v arc; the most iirotes<|ue. nonsensical, and ahsui'd, that one can imai:ine. Many of them are comic, sarcastic and side splittinu', violatin;,^ all tlu' rules of lauiiuau'c. 'I'lu; inscriptions upon the older stones ar(> ra|)idly Itecominu' illeii'ihle. and will soon have disappeare(l I'orever. The readei- must not he surprised to find limpinii' verse, and odd expri'ssion, for in many cases everythinu' was sacrilici'd in order to make sonu'thiuu' iike rhyme. Tt) arrange and classify them would destroy my desiiiu in ;i:ivin.ii' them to the reader. I insert them as tlu^y c(»me to hand. Most of them are odd enough. In a town in Connecticut there lies luiried a man who had a larui' wen on the to|> <»f his head, thus conunemorated : " Our i'Mtlier lies licneiUli tlie sod His spirit's ti'oiic unto Ills (Jod; We never more sliiill hear his trciid, Nor sec the wen upon his head," , II e IS ^ "^ ODD Kl'ITAPirs. <)3 iiiiin Ic is The foUowin^^ is siiid to ho on a gntvci^toiie near London, Enjrland : Poor Marthii Sliicll has gone away, Ilcr would if she could, but hor couldn't stay; Her had 2 bad legs and a baddish cough, It was her two bad legs that carried her oil'. On a tombstone in Worcester, Knirljind, is this sin^nhir inscription : " Mammy and I logetlier lived Just two years and a lialf ; She went first — 1 followed next, Tlic cow Ix'l'ore tlie calf." This conies from ()hio :— " Under tills sod, And under tliese tn.'cs Lieth tli(! l)od- y of Solomon Pease, He's not in this hole, lint otdy his jxid ; He siieJled out his soul, And went up lo liis Ood. " These lin(>s, (»n a tonil)stom' at ('liild'.vall, Ku<||| I. It J 1* 04 THE ODD MAX AND HIS ODDITIi:!^. A good many men discovei' that they have been henj)eeke(l after their wives are dead, and bohlly state the t'aet — or tlieir epitaph makers do it for them — possibly for the diseoiiragement of living shrews, 1 have found a number direeted against women : " Hero lies the iniin Richard, And 3Iiiry his wife ; Their surname was Pritchard, Tiiey lived without strife: And tlie reason was phun — 'i'luiv ahouuded in riclies, Tlicy iiad no care nor pain, And the wife wore the birecJos." AN ODD Sl'KCIMKX. " Ilcnr lies wil'e second of old \Vini>' lioiicr-., She's safe from care and 1 from Itothers I If death had known thee as well as I, lie ne'er had stopped, hut passed t !..•(■ l»y. I wish him joy, hut mueh I fear, Me'll rue tlie day lie e;inie thee near." A reli(vervant. lUniKKi Ke.mi', In memory of ;i m;in and his wii'(\ •• lie lirst departed -she a little tried 'i'o live without liim-^liked it not, and died." A ranious cpitiipli in Pcwsey clinrcii, l^imland: Here lies the body of i,ady O'liOoiiey. (Jreat niece of Murke. commoniy called sublime. She was IMand, jiassionate and deeply religious. Also she paiiite(| in w, iter colors. and sent several pictures To the <'\hibition. She was lirst cousin to Lady .loiies. And of such is the Kingdom of Heaven. Ilornc was nnroituniilc with his wives, with the 0X('i'|)tion of the (Uic noted. 'I\> the memory ol' u\y Iniu' wives, who all died in the sj)iiee of ten yciirs, hut more /initrkln' to tiie lust, Sally Ilorne, who left me jind I'oiir deiir children ; she i 96 THE ODD MAN AND HIS ODDITIKS. \va!< a good, siober, and cloan soul. ^lay I soon go to hor. A. I). 1732. " Dear wives, if you and I shall go to heaveu, Tlic Lord be blest, for then, we shall be oven." W. J. IIOUNE. Tiie piety of the next is doubtful : "lie lived and died a true Christian, lie loved his friends and hated his enemies." The ('p)tisni of the ue.\t is alai'iuini;. This stone nuiy still be seen at Saragossa, Spain. "Here lies .John (Juebeeca, precentor to my Lord the King, when he is admitted to the choir of angels, whose so- ciety he will embellish; and where lie will distinguish himself by his powers of song. God shall say to the angels ; cease ye calves I and let me hear. John Quebeeca, preicntor to my Lord, the King." One would hardly expect advertiseinnts on tomb- stones, but they are occasionally to be met with. Here is an example from a cemetery. Here lies Fournier (Pierre Victor,) Inventor of everlasting lamps, "Which burn only one ceiUimcj's worth of oil an hoiu". He was a good father, sou and husband. His inconsolable widow Continues his bu.siness at No. 10 Ruenuxtrois; (roods sent to all parts of tiie city. N. 13. — Don't mistake the opposite shop for this. S. V. W W. I. P. A COMMON lOUUOK. Here lies un old wonian who always was tired ; For she lived in a ho\ise where no help was hired ; Her last words on earth were: Dear friends, I am going Where no washing's done, no churning, no sewing; Where all things will be just exact to my wishes: .1 .".•cff-' <)i)i) i:i'i lAi'iis. i>7 For whci-c Ihcy doift diiic there's no wasliiii-' ^^ disli.'s, I'll lie wlicre loiul aiitliciiis forever are riimini;-, Hut haviiin- no voice, I'll he riM ol the sinn-inu-. Don't mourn lor me now. and don't inom'n for me never, I'm Li'oinii' to do notiiin^- for evei- and ever ! .' I AN I;yi; I'd 111 siNliss. " IJenealii liiis stone in hopes of Sion, There :ies tin landlord of the lion. IJesin'ned nnto ihe lleaxcnly will Hi' son keeps on the luisiness sii|l " Maine, T. S. AN i:vi; lO MA riM.MoNY. " Sacred lo the memory of .lames II. I{ ni who died Aiinust H;ih, ISDI). Hi:, widow monrns a. one wiio can be comforted, au'ed L'l. and po>scs»,ino- ,.\|.i'y (pialilicalion for a i:(iod wife, I,i\cs a! sii'ei't." IN (•(iNNi;( rici'i'. II<'re lies iwii twins, .-ill side li\ side. Of the smallpox lioth of them dieil. " IN A <'lll i;< 11^ \i;|» IN n:NNs^ |,\ANIA. '■ l']li/.a, sorrcjw ini^-. ivars this mai'Me slab, To her deal' ,Io|;n. who died of eatiiii;i'rabb." IN ( \i'i; \\\\. .Mary .lane. AuimI 1 1 yrs, s nio. "She w.asiioi small, --lie was not fair. I '.lit hearts w itii L'-rief bu' her are swell in', .\nd empty stnnds her little chair,— She died of ('at in' walermclon." Tlic late Inisiiioss and iircsoiil w licicahoiifs of a (Icct'ascd M';i-ca|>t;iiii arc siiimiicd up Icrsidv on a I>lo(d< I-lainl li('ii(l.1) MAN AND fllS nl)l)rill>. IK*'' ' i .-f IN iMTi-.-rii:L!». >iA^-sA( iirsr.TTs. " Wlicii you my rriciids arc passiim- Ity, And this inroniis you wIktc I lie. Hi'MicMiIxT you ere louu' inusi lia\ r lake inc. a mansion in the lii'avc' NICIKM.AS Ni:UI(>N. " Here lies, alas, niore's tiic pity All thai icinaiiis of Nicholas Xewcily." I'octs ol'tcii claini s|»('ci:il license. TITls is i'Xtr;i, ;ii.-n llie iie.\l oile. llloMAS \\()itl)lli;N. Here lies the remains ot Thomas \\ ooilhcn. 'I'hc most amiaiilc of husliands, and excellent of men. !Ii- name is Woodcock. liUi il would Hot COMIC ill rllVlUC. ///.-■ II idntv. Sonic iiio-t iiitd'cslint:' citilnplis ni'c in piosc. \\k'\\' IS one llAri'l.i; (»l' Mlll.nll. ".lolin 1). I- was l)orn March •Jtllh, 1S'29. in West Dresilr'ii, New ^'ork. where the wicked (case from trouhliiiii-, and I lie w eary arc at rest." sAi: \i'()(i.\. Kmma. danuhter of and wife of 'I'heodorc died ]S(i,s, leavinij,' live children. — .Man led too yoimii, a.n'aiiisl her I'alher's will. Siiiijh' women lake warning;'. i;.\si' •|'i:nni:ssi;i;. Siie ]i\('d a life of virtue and died of cholera inorlms, caused by eatinti,' i^rccii fruit, in the hope of a lilesscd iinmoi- Jalilv at lilt' iin'c of ','1 vcars. Keader. iio and dolhoii likewise. I- <)i)i> i;i'i'i'.\i'iis. a uanlrnei'. I jinaLiiiie. who deplored bis '•liild in tins lasliioii. ■• ( »ni' little ,I:ieoh li;i-^ h('\\\ |;d;eii ;i\v;i_\ fi'oni this earthly L;;n'(lei! 'io 1(1 DO in 111 a siipei'ior ilower [lot alioxc. ()iily a (iennan eoiild lia\-e written this: My v.ife Sii^aii is orad. Il'slicliad life until iie\l i'^aday >lii''d lii'eii dead slinst tuoweeks. As a t ree falls so it iiiusr stand. A 11 ;liiiiL!s is pos:dlile mil (iod. \ el'y eoiiiiiidll. often found. " .\llliit ioMs >o!'c I Ioiil;- lia\'e l)or<', I'll vsieiaiis \\(a-e ill \aiii. Till (iod did plea>e to ;:ive ease And take aw a )■ my pain." The i\\(i lollowini:' afe odd enoULih. "1 was well ; Wauled Io he lietter ; 'Took ]ilivsie, And here I am.'' In \\'iiill)\- old eiini'ehyaid tliis was Found. " 'riie pain was not eon lined to one part, Hut I hroiiu'li his hody spreail; He siillered iii'eatly at his heart And water in his lu'ad." -1* ' tl t "i > 1 i m > 100 rm: odd man and his odditiks. Iv(>l)(,'rt IviH'Vc, Uii)[)k'. Worcs'storshiiv, was soveii t'et't ill K'liii'tli. As vrs |»;iss hv bcliold mv Iciiu'tli. l)Ul never uiory in yc)\ii' streniiili. A (MItl, (>!•' I'lI-rilDN YI'.AltS. Ill ^Fiilvei'ii cluircliyard a '/\y\ nl' 1.") years is iiijule to say: ■■ I am a rose enipt in my Itiul; CfOil eul me (Inwii as lie saw lit. Ami placed inc in a Ited of ( l;iy L'utilllie lesun-eetion day." m A FAKMi;i!s r.l'IIAIMI. "With sweat and tnil I ion"- liavr tilled the n'roiuid. iJnt in it now a resliny place have found, TiirouLiii our Redeemer, .lesus Chrisl 1 trust, That I, like i)ui'est wheat, shall spring' from dust. And share !lie invlul harvest with the just." 1' '*T 1 IP 11' II MAKY SIANIloPi:. *'Slie was -Itut words are wantinu' to say what, 'I'hink what a uil'e should Ite — and she was that." IN 11 i.ioiMt Nt;AU ^dKK, i;ni.i,ani». " Farewell, vain world. I have had ei\oui:li of tiiee, Ami now 1 car(,' not what tlion thiid\e^t of me ; 'i'hy smile, I court not, nor. thy frowns I fear, IJencath this stone my head lii's (juiet here." Ill Liitoii eenictrry U|m)ii Kehceea XdrtiTs stoiic " W'ouldst thou know her character'.' Follow her footstei)s to heaven, And the ani!.-els will tell thee." % : i oDit i;rn.\i'iis. 101 .loiiN s.Mrrir. Ill inciiKiry o!' .I.ilm Sniilli who iiicl a w icrlciit death, near this spot is hiiii(hT(l and 40 too. He was sliot !>y liis own pisirll ; it was not one of tlie new- kind ; luit an old -fashioned lira-s hai'i'eil and of suelt is the Kinadoin nf Heaven. The (dlorl.- to (•()iiij>re-.s within ;i sinall s))acc. :iiiin'L:. ( 'mill. '■ Here lies one wlio's l-ite's tlir. ads eui a>niiih'r She w as slniek dead Jly a ehi|' of thiiii(ler.'" ANiiriil.!;. •' Here lies the liody of Jane Gray The nianner of her death is thus Siie was dni\ over liy a Inis^.." The coiit'iision (d seiiteiiccs soiiieiinu's K'uils to fiirioiis niistakc- as tlic iolhtwini:' tVoin a sk'eiiinu' pliici; near ( 'iiiciiiiiat i. < >. ■■ Here lies \\ ho eaine to this city and died, For the lienelit of his healtii." In KiliiiariKK'k. Ayi'sliirc. " He died uiieoiniijainiim', in No pain witiiout inedieal aid." Here follows a .s|ii'i'liiirii ol' tlu- ))hiii(U'i'iiiii' class. '• Here lies the bodies of two sistei's dear : One's Inirit'd in Iivlaiid; the other lies here,'' * l«l*tl,ll !mi>'" '■ ■";i i f ■rj.. 102 tin: odu max and his odditiks. It is M t:;ill;uit J'^ciichinaii wlio thus ai)()str()|)ln/('s tlu' (K'rmict piirtiu'r of his joys ami cares. ■■('iiict. ma iVmine, oli iiu'cllc est hica ! Tiiur soil rcpiis. ct pour Ic niicn.'' Which; has its couiilci'[)art in an I^iiLilish cluirch- yaid. ■' llcr<' lies my poor wife .him — licrc Icl her lie 1 She limls ivsl at lasi. au.l --o ilo I." The uiiiiiari'icd I'aii' have I'eceiveil Li'eiilh'r tn^at- iiieiit . though a talkat i ve -jiiiister is awarch'il tiie.-e liiiev: " I'lidci' this stone tlie Ixidy lies of Araliella ^'oll^^^ Wlio tin the I wenly I'ourth of May li(';.'an to hold her loni^'u.'." 'Inhere i> a sporting;' ihix'oi' ahoiit the i'olhiwiii^ rcrei'etice to Ste|iiieii Ivilliilthtoil . (|iiite iiiiiijilc, ■■ ill' lived to 111.'), lii'arly and sironu', 100 to .") you don't live a^ loli;^'." A re(|iie>t t'oi' luii'ial in a cei'taiii sp,,! is not iiii- ('o:nnion, tllollLiIl seMont e\|U'e>sed with llie luiixcte of the I'oUow iiiL:' : " I'udcr this yew ti'ce, 'mried he would l»c, I'ecause his latlier lie, planted ihi-- vi w tree." The nii'inoi'y of (h'pai'leil nialrou> i> worth |)i*e- ser\iii2'. '■ Some have children, sume liasc none ; Ilel'e lies t he lliot jier ol t u cnly one." The I'oUowiiii: wamiiiii and ad\ isor\ liue> ai'c on the toniltstone id' a i|na(d< (hu-ior. wlio was alive to- l)usini'ss even if he was ih'ad : " I was a ipiark, ard there are men w ho say Thai ill my time I physiek'd lives away ; And that at leimtli I Ity myself was slain Hy my ow n druiis ta'eii to reliexe my pain. \ r i.,ii OKI) Kl'ITAIMlS lOH 'I'lic irinh i,, hciiiL!' troulili'd wiili a cougli, I like a UhA coiisultcil 1)1'. (iouu'li:- Will) i»liysick'(l me to dcatli. at liis own w ill, Iiccausc lie's licensed hy the State to kill; Had 1 l)ut wisely taken my own physic I iievci- should have died of cold anil 'tisick. So all l)e warned and w hen you catch a cold (io to niy son, l)y w honi my medicine's sold." Se|iiil(dil';il i'(d'('riil»ie('ts. l']\er|iiioii i- maijc in Favor of a h'^^al oriiaiii;'iil to oil ' .Mr. SiraiiL;'!'. Init at the eNpetise of his hrotiier praeliiioiirf-: " 1 IiTc lies an lionesi law yei'— SI raiiii'e' " The |)ro|io>e(l epilajili to the emiiieiil eook. Me.xis Soyer : ■■ I'eace to liis hashes," i< Well known. le>s known luit nmie ailuiiraMe is thai n|ion a >h'e''a.-eil ijyer: " I liTe lies ;i mail w ho dyed of wool a ureat store, Hue day he died himself, and d\ ed no more," When with ehai'aeterisi ie eynieisin Uynni ilerideil llic ei'eijiility o!' hini who wonhl ■• Itelirve a woman, or an epitaph,"" he may have hail in ni'ml IJeii -lonson's raiiions line- on the ('oiiiitess of I'emlu'oki- : " riidei'iiealh this sal>le heal'se Lies the suhject of all vei'se, Sydney's sister — I'einliroke's mother ! Death ere ihou has! slain another ! Fair and learned, and yooil as she 'rime >liall throw a dart at thee." .-V 104 Tin: (»I>1) MAN AN1> Ills ODDITIKS. H„.'tl't 5'" i til H ' m i Could the incnuirv of Shnksnciin' dcmtuid loftier strains? ("oinpai'i" the al)ov(' with tlu' (jiiaintiicss and simidicity of these lines : '■ nicst lie tlie Mian wlio spaics llicsc slones, Ami curs't Ite he wlio moves my Itoiies " Stiiet adhereneeto mere uialter-of-faet has >eareely heeii eon.vidci'ed the special attriUute of an epitaph. The three followinLi' are well ant lient ieatei»i) i:iM'i.\i>i[>. 10.-) L(>r:ic(Misi(miC(l t()(|U(>tc rlic f<»!- lowiiiH' cpiiapli a.- a iMai'fct cx.'D.pIilicaiiuii of poctiv. |)icly and |inlii(ii(>> : \f who stand arouml niv uivivc, And sa\- his litV is Li'onr. Yon in'c niist;ikcn — itiirdon me — .M \ ni'c is hni iicuuii." I)ivvity. (lie soul i^\ wii. Iia< hvai little coii-iihaiMi 111 llii.- (das- of col II I Million. llrii Jon-oii's pi'odiiciioiis arc except !oii<. I luaiiciiiliei' three \-cai's aL'i> cop\ iiiM' t lire(- via'v lii'iid' one-. ( )uc on the tonih-tmir ol' |\ nielli I lie piiltli-lier. it ica(l> : " (iood K'la'uhi ■■ Aiioijior (Mpially ')riei' i- to tin nieinoi'v ol' Dr. I'^iiller. it reads : •• Fnller's rarlh. I)i'. \\'alkei' wi'ote a liook on I'aiulisli panicles. 1 1 i> epitaph read- : '■ 1 !crc Hcs \\Mlkci''s i);irticl('s." I piijl the |o|iil»-tolie of liMl'haLje. llic acloi', there is an epitaph (d';jreal lir(\ity. a simple st!iL;(' ilirecl ion ; " I-Ail llui'haii'e." I>r. Donne wrote a hcantifnl in-cription as an I'pilaph foi a deceased inlaiil : " Mrc Niii ul now li( deals in heavenly aijiia vilae." Oil .loliii Potter, from a MSS. in the liritish !\[n>ei;iii : Alack, and well-a-day I i'otler himself nas turned to clay." ( )ii a eliiiui-\ her |Mlf. And ni)i) i:iiTAi'Hs. lo: The Ifcv. ,I(.liii T. Viii,^ <;i\v tl,,. iullowiiio. ..pitMph ill an old Hiioli.^l, (.liiiich-yanl. over the hndy ..f Ahra- Iiaiii Peck: Wove lies a Peck, wliicli some men say Was lirsi of all a Wvk ol' day, Till wroiiiilii hy natiiiv while alVesh, liceaiiic a eiii-idUs I'eek of llesli. Full lil'ly years I'e.-k IVJt life's luihliles. 'I'ill lieath relieved a ['eelv oj' li'(,uhles; Ami so ile died, ;is all WVU liillst. All-! llel-e he lies, a 1 'i ck of dust." 'V\\(' siate-iiiaii hiin^cir is said to liavc .liscovcivd il and n-ndi'i. d il inio I.;niii licxanicter. A uond (■.\ani|dc ^\\' \W\< kind id' anto-iuorloin liieralurc i- the cpilaph written dni'lii-' (lie lil'etinic ,,r liciijandn I)"I.-y a liberal pen: '■ 'riiel' lies Lord Ifcaeoiislield; I It \\ as a u ay he had)." I'rcsencr of iidnd has always heen held in jnst cstiniatinii. alihon-ii it ha- it 'en slirewdK i\'niarkc.l that in nionients id' peril aliMiice ^\\ IkkIv is cNcn more d''siialile. Il is eertainl\- ;di-enee (d' l»od\- which rornii» the chitd' characteri-l ic of ihe three I'ollowinL;': lli'l'e liev the I'eiuains of 'l'hoili;is Nieols, W ho died ill IMiilailelphia, 175:^ Had he Used he would ha\i' lieiai liiiried iiere." " lli'i'e lii's Ihe Mody of .loiialhau (Jroiind, Who was lost al sea and iie\cr found '" • Here lies Ihe body of John Mldivd — Al least he will he here W hell he's dead; Mut ill this lime he is alive. Folirteelllh of Au,mist, ,Si.\|\ .|i\e," i i- U'tif m 1() JUS ODDITIKS. TIktc was no intentional (lisrcspcct to the niernoi'v " JoJiH Hoss. Kicked lu' ;i hoss." And it may have Ikh-ii in deep drit'clioii that the IVicnds (d' till' nnrortiiiiatc youth kiUcd during;' a pyi'o- ti.'chnic di-|)h\v wrote npoii his toiiih^loiie : •• Here ! lie, Killcil liy n sky- Iiiu'kc! ill ni\ eye." There wa> not any [ireiiii'ditated h'vit\' in (he liiie> lot he liieliior\" (d' " .Inim >l;i! pilcl'sdil — that WoiidcrlM] person; Six tool t wo — wi'hoilt iii> siioe, And slew — at ^\^•ln•rlou." The hiiiiioi of the folhiwiiiu i>owint: to the peculiar piiiK t nation : " |jc( led lo liir meliiniy of .lohli I'ldllips. AeciiK'lUaliy >-liot as a mark ol' all'ecMdii l»y iiis lu'ol iier.'" It is dillieiill to t or monition the follow iii;i' was iiiscrihed to the memory id' an l*]arl of K ildare : • Wiio killed Kildarev Who dared Kihlare to kill? |)eatli killed l\ildare, w ho dai'e kill w lioiii lie will.'' Ill < iioiicester. ICiiiilaml : ■■ Twd sw celer'iiahes you nare did see, 'I'haii (Jod Aiiiily uiive to nie; liilt they were taken uitii auue lits. And here they lie, as dead as nils," poverty iiicoii\-eiiient : ' ' Here I lie al the chancel door. Here I lie hecause I'm poor; 'I'lie furl her in the more you pay. But 1 lie just iis warm as tiicv." ODD i;i"l lAI'II: . 10!l " Ilcn; lies llic Iwidy i»t\ Huinplircy Cole; Tlioiiiili 1)l.ick his iijiDic, yd wliilc Iiis soul: P.ii; yet lliniiL!!i hhick. tliniinli carlioii is his iiaiiic, 'I'hc ciialk itsi'lf is !c>s wliilc than his I'aiiic." I>iil> I l'o!|(i|)c. ;iii ;il'cliit<'('t : • 1 li'i'c Hcs IJmI) Trdllopi'. \\'\in iiiaili' I ill' vidiii's roll ii|t, \\ ii'ii (li'Ml h liiok hi> sDiiI up : I li-' Ixiily lillcl ihi> li(,|,. iij)." < >ii "lie li/;nitiriil ,-l(i!ic l!ii' siiiTuwinLl' lnisl);ill(l ill- ti'iidiMl. I prc-iiiiii'. Ill h;i\c ihi- prayi'i' I'lir the dead. ( wliicli I'cnti-: •• L 'I Iht i-cst in p.-ac-." ) ^'ll^■l■av('ll (Hi ill'' >t(iiic: liiii ihf -liipid ai'ti>i. imt liaviiiLi' rnoni for the whdic scnlciici'. li((l liiiii-ilf hv piittiiiu' (Ui tlu' >l"iH' ihc Jii'si h'ttci'.- «»t' ihc hist thiTc words, and iiow it read-: " I.cl iifi' r. i. p." A l)('( r drinker: • liciv ..111 .Inhu Uaiidall lies, Who, rnuiitiui:' IVdiii his tali', Iii\ I'll I hii'i' M'lii'i' \ rai's ami ten, Siirh \ iit 111' \VM< in ale. All' u as his meat , Ale was ills drink. Ah' did his heart riwivr. And il' he euuld ha\e drank" ins ale. I le si ill had Iti'i'ii aii\e, .laniiary ."i. " Iferc lies ,lnhn lliiihly. whose JaiJH'r and mother were drowned eoniinn- to .Vmeriea. II;id iliev li\ei| they would litive heeii hurled iiere." ^'- 10 Tin; ODD MAX AND HIS ODDITIKS. >- m I Ul{ >•'¥ In ii Wiltsliii'o cliiirt'liyjird is the i'olIowiiiL:' iii- sc-rii)li()ii : " Here lies brothers three : Two Mi'e buried liere. 'I'lic oilier \v;is ihfo'ivii in liie sea. A l.:.l)y: " ( )])i'\l its eyes. 'Took a peep: Diilnl like it. Went asle('i)."' Ill St. ( "Iciiieiit's cliiircliyard. I lastilii^s. I(i7'_'. is a little L;i»n(l ;,^(i>|iel : "Slo[). iiioi'lai. slop. ;iml I'ead my tah' so jtliiin : Vou ".vill lie Jos', you will Ite lu-i, unless you're lioi'ii auaiii. " 111 Isliiiiitoii is 1(1 lie t'(iilli(i : " I'l'.-iy liii' t lie soul 111 (lal ri'l ■John. Who (lied in the yr;ir KiOl ; < >r. il you don't , it is ;dl one." Ill l>e!'ksliii'o i- llic roljowili'j;- lidod adxiee: " When this yoii see. pray judLic iioi me, I'"or '^in eiiouuh I o\\ n : .'Mind yoiir own li\cs and jiid'jc yoiir>el\ cs, fini lea\c otlna' I'olks alone," 111 Poet's ( 'onier. N\'estiiiiii.-.t(i' AMuv. many will liave s(.a'ii < i:iy ".■« c pittipli : " i,it'e is a je^l, and all thing's show il ; I thoiiLihl so once, hut now I know it," Tlie eoiicludiiiu' ]»:ii't ol' all epitaph of a Kentish lady is: " She was In heart a l.ydia, and in ton.nue a Hannah. In /eal a Kutli. in wedlock a Susannah ; I'riKleiil ly simple. pro\ ideiitially wary, 'I'o the vvoiid a .Mai'tha and to heaven a .Marv," <>i>i> i:i"i r.M'iis. 11 will Kiiially the old >,,|(|i..r-s (•..nrcsHun. in ( "lii,.|ic'stcr i-luiivliy;ir !iiy nation : N<'\v 1 am (!r:i,l and in my ,-ra\c. .,nd .all my l.oncs arc rottt-ii . Asyoii pa.-s hy ivmcmlicr me, wiicn I am (piiic foryom-n." --| W'rilicn l)y himself. .Iiid-v ( iooi'n,. nanliiiiiv. iliivc liouis hcd'oiv his 'Icath. addiv--od llii> rliyiiir.j Icllci' to liis crcdiioi's. uhd it was ciiLiraxcii ii|»oii his lohih: ■' Dear .Mcsni-s. Tippcns: Wha' is IVaivd by you. Alas! the melancholy eiiHanns'ance, is i laie 'I'lial I am dead : and more aHeeiin^' still. •My le-al assets cannot j>a_\ \oiii'liill. 'I'o think of this, I'm almost hrokendieai'lcd : Insolvent. I this earthly life departed. Dear Messis. T,, I'm youi's, without a laiMliinn l''oi' e.\e( mors and .M'lf. (Jko. II \i!I)1N(.i;." A child: " Into 1 his world, as strau'^cr jo an iim, This child eame ,i;iiesi wise, where, when il had lieiai Awhile, aiiil found noiiLdit of his stay, lie only broke his fast and wcu: away." A lilllc -iri: " The (Hip of life ^he w itii li?'r lips hut pressed. Found the taste liilter, and declined the rest. Averse, tlKMi lui'nim:' from the face of da\. She Li'ently sii^jied her little soul away." !''l'oill Isliiioloii. iSdS; "Slic had no fault, Imt that the travellers nive the moon,— IIci' li.n'ht was lovch , hut she died too soon." 1- «• li. iS 11- tin; ODh MAN AND HIS ODDITIKS. Attril)iit('!l to Drydcii : •• IIci'c lies my wil'r ; liciv let Ium' lie. SIic's at rest now. and soam 1." Frmu the Asliiuulcan collcctiou : ■' Wild lit's ill tliis toml) ? lldiiLili I (|U()llic devil, 'tis my son, Joim C'ltinlt." M r>. K(isc"s loiiih: ■■ "^ixt ycigli! years a TraLr-rant rose ^lie lasted. Nor vile reproach her virtues ever hhisled : Her autumn ))as|, expects a Iiet'cr sprint-, A second i) 'lU'i' life, more llourishinii'. < >ii Mrs. ( Jrccnwood: ■■<» death: () death! t hou hast cut down The lies! (Jiceiiwood in all this town. lier virtue-- and ^(khI ipiaiitics wei'c such, She was wopihy to marrv a lord or a judnc : ^ et such her condescension and hunnlity. She chose tomari'N' a doctor of divinitv." On I):-. Hill: '• And now this Hill, tho" under stones, lias the Lord's hill to lie on ; For liincoln Hill has u'(>t his hones. His soul t he Hill of Zioii." .\iniui;:- tlic iiKuiiiiiiciits in South Iliiyiini:' i> tlitit id' Sarah lloLicrs: " Ye vii'Li'ins lair, youi' ileeiiiii:- ch.arms survey ; She once was all your tender hearts can say. Let o])eninL;' I'ose and di^iopiiiH' Ijllies tell. Like them she hloomeil, and ah I like them she died." In Devonshire tiierc is a ver.-c, Init no iianie: " The wedding' day appointed was, .\nd weddino- clothes providc'd : Hut ere the day ilid eoine. alas ! He sickened and he die did,'" ()/>;) KiTr.vi'ijs. 113 Kit 111 Luiuloii : ••nereli,.s;tl.,'b,„|y„f William Wn.v >V ••.•i|)p('<| ii|) in clay. 1 liiivc iKi more lo s;iy." Aii()ili(.i-: *■ Un-v licsJaiH' Ivitclicn, Wl'o, uli<.„ lier o-i.,ss was spent KW<.^dupI„.r|„.,.|sMn.iaua^slu. went.- All (.raaiiist, St. Man's C.Hon,.- " Ih'w lies one blown out of breath WlH. lived M n.erry lite und died ,i nien-y death." Roirer Mart ill. • " 1 fere lies the wile of Roo-e,- Martin • Sli.' was a i,oo,l wife t.) Ro-er-thafs sartin." 'I'ivcrtoii, Eiiuland: ''Oil ho I Who lie.s here V 'Ti>; I, the uo,.d Karl of I)<.v()nsliire, With Kat<., my wile, f me full dear • A\<' liv.'d ton-ether lilty-live year." fii Oxfoi'dshirt- "'■'■'■ "'■" I'nlli.'rand in..ther and sisier and 1 Uvall died within the span, of one short vear • ' hey be all Ixnieii except I And I be l)uricd here." Safa-h Sexton ; ■'ir«'n' iies III, body of Sarah Se.xton. Wli.. uasa -.x.d wife and never ve.xe.l one ■ I '"111 I say Ihai of U,,. urW one." '';''•' '-"•■ ^Vives.-M,, A.leler Chuivl, n.arnVd '<;"'• "nes: his wives were all luinVd in the .sauie •''""vhyanl. He niiWeiiook (n ,nuv,> iIkmu. He was """'''•'•'•"■" ^^''i<'lMvas Emily ami wl.ieli was Hannah i: r I 114 THE ODD MAX AND III8 ODDITIES. but being particular, he could uot use the ohl tomb- stones ; so he had a new one prepared and enirraved thus: "Stranger, pause and (h*op a tear. For Emily Church lies buried here. Mingled in some mysterious manner With iMary, ^Matilda, and probably Hannah. " A sexton's tond): " Beneath these stones repose the bones Of Theodosias Grinnn ; He took his beer from year to year. And then his bier took him." [#!; m ( ■:r '<>f>i>s A.vij i:m)s. 115 CJIAPTKIi VII. <>I>J).S ANJ) KXDS. In ^lii.-cl.aptcr there is ucurmusc "I .v..e lu.ym,.,..v,.,.,..li,,o.|v |„„„,.,„„, „„,, ^ ^^;^ '"*•' '" ■•'" '""- "' ...V.-__The eai.se of Jaeoh's weepi,,. -asthe,vCnsal.,all<.whe.-t.,kisshi.na,ai,.. ^ '^ ^ aro,)i„io„ that Jac.h u(>pf he- -nse he had ,..„ kissc-d he,- hefo.-e, a,. |,(. Iijid h,s|. /W/ J/.// >ii irh\ — -l\v wept for i(»y, because it tasted s(» i>;ood. lirlfis/i Sf((niie mi;;ht have a bi:^' hi'other. /vry;/''>>-. - IJeeause there was no time for jinother. Musical Xiihs, ^\'il,•n he lifted up his voice he found it wa- hea\y, and i-onld uol o(>ts most varied in theii' eoneeits on all sort> of kisses expressive of all sorts of sentiments — from Shakespeare to iinonymons. Phlhiih Iplilii Xnr^. — There are all sorts of kisses, expi'essi\c of all orts of sentiments. There is the kiss of the hair, denotim:' revermee, and of a kind that srcnied i(t >atisfy Swinbnrne. lie says: " Ivissiiig licr hair, I sat at licr feet. Wove and unwove it, wouiiii, aiul found it sweet.". There is a kiss on the foiudn-ad, denotin.u' este<'m, >n(di as .Mrs. IJi'owninn' nu'iilions: 'Otilv a tear for N'eiiieeV Siie turned as in a passion and loss, And stooiiini:- to his forelii'ad and kissed it, as if slie were Uiss iiiij; a cross." There is a kiss on the ehecd;. i. token of frii-nd- sliij) ; the kiss on the nose, peeiiliar to the Hottentots. shiniiiLi' and oleaginous : the kiss on the toes, tendered to jKtpes atid hahies: the kiss on the lips, expressive 4)[' passiuii. with an e\ehan,u'e of caresses in the ceiitael. l''rom the lips we lict tlH> best sain|des. and are always williiiii' to take the whole lot ! Ilerriek knew preeiscdy where to locale a kiss. lie says: " p is a ereat\n'e Ituni and l)red P.elween llie lips, all eiierry red." So ditl Sam Lever: •And lie looked into lier eyes tliat were heainhi.u" with li.U'lit, And he kissed her sweet lips— don't vou tliink he was ri.irht ?" ^^i w W' w 118 TIIK ODD MAN AM) IIFS ODDrTIKS. I** ^ I i; 11m rr I Of coiiivo lio was. An Irislinuui generally is, espocially wlioii \w isn't wroMj*'. TIum-c is the formal kiss, the timid kiss, tlie ('linniii;>- kiss, the dicaway kiss, the explosive kiss, and tlie stok-n kiss. The hitter is the most blissl'id. Leigh Hunt .seemed to know how it was himscdl': '■ Stolen swcrls arc alwiiys sweeter, Stolen kisses niueii completer." If jnst h('si(h' th(> uarth'n iiatc, l)i'ii:'lit stars and flutlefinu' lea\es overheiid. the crickets chiipiiiu' in the jjfrass. the cow-hells tiiikling in the pastiifcs, tlu air drowsy with itew-nciwii hay, the hi'eath hot and tlu^ bosom swelling:' and heaving', it is csi^'cially rascinatiiiti'. It is a labial j)astoi"a]. Such a kiss is wofth takinii; tlie chances of hciny' lii't'd across the lawn in lealhcr- tocd instalments. W'v don't mean to say that .lacob kissed Kaclud beside the garden irate but wc considcf that he was very foolish to crow about it. imless he critMl for the same reason that ()liver 'I'wist did l'(tr more. Kiss and bliss rhyme admirably, and of course the |)leasinu custom has been well descanted iiiion by tlie poets, ('aiitos would suri'eit, so we merely yive a few couplets, those most varied in I heir contents. Beginniii;:' with Siuikespeare. we take occasion lo^ say that he had no |)atience with kisses that were not substantial. I le says: " Some lliere he that sliailows kiss ; Such ha\e lull a shadow's liliss." He did not like them diluted, Hyron, on tite other hiind, considers them rather evanescciil. Ile- f^MVs: fc" ODDS AND KNDS. 119 '• Why so suddenly art gone '? Lost in the nionu-iit tliou art won.'' AVc Imve heard oF kisses tiii^lint,^ clear down to the toes of one's hoots, |)ossibly an exa^-ives them a sort of aftennatli that is trnly (h'licious: " The sweetiu.ss iiung upon my lips all ilay, Like drops of honey loath to fall away." Drayton hated to In. tantali/e(L lie wonhln't feed on husks. He wanted the wlioh' iieart thrown into the operation : " lli'r poor half kisses killed uk; (piite ; Was ever man 111 us served V Amidst an ocean of delight, For pleasure lo lie starved." Schiller indulues in an ardent outbreak: " Wlio made Ihy glances to my soid the link ? Which make me luuii thy very soul to drink." 'rcunyson is satiated liitle short of ;i di'jug'e: " () joy ' () bliss of blisses I Come l)allie me with lli\ kisses," Acc(Mding to John livh', ('ampas(|e held winiiin<>; hand> evei'y lime: " ('u|ud ind my ( 'ampasiic played At lards lor kisses; Cupid pidd." Coipu'ltes are not chary em)n^'h with their kis.ses. I'arnell gives this couplet: " 'IMien in a kiss she hrealheil her various arts, < M' Irilliiig prellil\ with human liearis " KKf mii "♦»»■»»,,. ]20 THE ODD .MAN AND HIS ODDITIK; Ill Thomas L(»(|o(. seemed (o luive ti penchant for iu- ce.«sant kissino.- " JMy kisses iirc liis daily feast, And yet lie robs me of my rest.'" Sir WiHiam Davenaiit helieved the sanu weakness: " Like d(»ves mc would be l)illin,y, And clip and kiss so fast ; Vet she would be unwilling' That 1 should kisslho last." Caniphell innh'rstood how precious thcv were durini;- courtsliip: " How delicious is the wimiiii,^- Ot a kiss at love's Ix'iriruiinu'." So did !>ucknum : " Anst ca.li kiss niinht he the hist: " I ever trendile in my iiliss. For there aic farewells in a kiss." I)..dsh"y was williiin' lo take his. whatever the risk: " One kiss iiefi.rr we pari, 'I'houyii we sever, fund my heart." ('h!irl(.tlc l'\ Ihdcs parts with hers hcurndyinulv : ''All the kisses I have n'wrw \ niMidi^e From my soul to-day : And of all I have ever taken 1 woidd Wipe the thouyhl away," <'l»l>.s AM) I;M)s. 121 While Tl.uniiis Canon Im.l tlie inipuden.r to sav tl'Ht iKMii.ln-l raivlorhisswml.eairskissrs: " I do not love ilur for (liosc soft Ifcd cora] li|)s I've kissed so oft." Kisses aiv nice jnst after a <|.iaiTel ; one foi-ives ■-«• Im.-vIv. At least so lluoh (\,„way tliouuht; ' ■■ And if jicr ,.yes are dim with tears, I iz'rud-c tJieni not their tender lain ; 3Iy love can charm tile misty fears, And kiss I lie suiisliine hack auain," Ashley Steiry saucily tell> ii.> how he would vent a <|u;irrel in advance: ore " And if siie dared her lips to |i(iiil, Like many pert .Noun.ii- misses, I'd wind ifiy arm her waist alxml. And pimisli her witji kisses," Author unknown ; " My Inveaiid I for kisses jiiayed ; Siie would keep slakes. | was e.,iilenl ; Hut when slie won she would he p.aid ; This made me ask her what she meant, (iuolh she. • Since yoii are in this wran.ylin.u' vein. Here, lake yniir kisses— nive me nn'ne a,^■aill. ' A little l.oy wa< asked l.y a la'^ ll'<' '|'l="l< H'ply ; •■ r,„ nihl.inn. il in." I'rol'. I'daekie (uice chalked (ui his n(.!ice-ie.-ird Jn <'n|le,nv: ••'idle i.n.fessor is uiiahle lo iiuvl his (diisses '"-"""''"^^ " A \Vil.L!',i;isli sludent removed the "c " 5. ti,f r I 122 Tin: ODD MAN AND HIS ODDITIES. leavinjr "lassos." Wlioii the professor rotiiriied he noticed tlie new rcndoriiii":. Iviual to tlie occasion, the professor (juietly riihhed out the "1." and joined in the hearty huiudi with tlie "• asses." A - that one of them was in the habit of eatinsi; something before grace was asked, determined to cui'e him. Upon a repetition of the offence, he said: •' For what we are about to re- ceive, and for what James Tayh)r has ahvady received, the liord make us truly thankful." Tin: MORAL TOJI.KT Toll A vol N(i I.ADV. The Mirror. S(>lf Kuowhdge. Tliis ctiridus ulass will briiiu' your I'aulls lo liiilii, Aiui make your virtues sliinc hotli stroun' and l)ri>i'lit. Til Siinxifli \l' rill /:/('.■<. Contentment. .\ daily portion of lliis essence use : 'Twill smooth the lirow and lran(|Uil joy infuse. Lip Sa/rr. Truth. I'se dailv lor your lips this precious dve ; Tiiey'll redden and breathe the sweeter melody. /y//r U'lihr. ('(im|)assioii. 'I'lie^e dro|i> w ill add u'reat lustre to t he eye ; \Vlien uii'ic you need, the |)oor will sou supply. To Prmiil Eritjitioiin. Wisdom. It calms ihe temper, iteautities the face, And iiivev Id all a dii;nity and iirace. f-^ir-riiK/s. .\lteutioi! and Obedience. With these clear drops appended to the eai', Instructive lessons von will uladlv hear. fi^'Cbaiai»ffi^iS>!i-.-'/iJ(B-i .. "*' '«*'*'• ^t;; '1 J A I,()')KINi((lii(iii(/ llrai^l Phi. I.ovc to All. Adorn yi'ir iiosom wilii this pi'eeioiis pin ; It shines without and waiins the lieai'l within. .1 Trill Tiiiiijtiri;\ I{e,unliirity. liy this the yo\ithlul fair may leain to pri/.e, And will improve each moment as it llics. S(l(cl Hixjin't. ('()in|)any. liehtiJd ihr gay assemlilaue I hnl beware, l''iir all are ikiI ;is iiuKieenl as lair. .1 i i iiivrj'iil Hniiiliii II . I'olitcness. 'rile lurehead neatly cir( le(| with this band Will admiration and respicl command. 128 .1 I'll riniis hniilnii . Piety. Wlioei'i this jireeious diadem sludl own, Seeures heiself mi e\ crlasi iii'j;- crow n, I 'iiii'i I'.-iiil III ii iitilii I'. (lood Teniper, With this el.oiee li(piid gently loiieh the mouth ; It spreads oil' all tin face the charms of y(nilli. ■1 ^t m m 124 TMi: (»1»I) MAN AND HIS ODDITI i:s. MXKS ON (IKNKSIS II., 21-2'J— 15V ( IIAKM-S WKHLEY. Xot tVoiii liis liciul \v;is woniMii tot^U, As iTiiuic Iicr IiusbMiid to o'crlook : Not from liis feet, ms one desioncd Tlic footstool of ilic stronger kind ; Hut f.'tsliioiu'd for liinisclf. ;i hridc, An ('(|ual taken fi-oni his side : Her place intended to maintain, The mate and iilory of the man ; 'I'o rest, as still lieneath his arm, I'roteeted by her lord from harm, .\nd never from his heart removed. And only less than ({oil I)eIo\cd A Scotch uohlciiKiii. scciiiu- ill! old f ,,f In., t'stahlisliiiK'iit with n v<>it r;i,i:-,«-(Ml cont. nuuh" some [mssiiiL: rcnmrk on its condition. •• It's n vcrv uiiid coat. ' sai it covers a con- tented sjiiiit. ami a body that o\»c.- no man anvthin-. and that's mair than niony a man can say of his coat. t;Ai;i,v i;isiN(i. "lie who will thi'i\(' must rise al ti\r." So says the jtroverh. thonuiii there is more rlivine than reason in it : for if lie who would thii\-e must rise at ti\c, It must lollow. (I forfiiiri. IFe who'd thrive more nnist I'isr at four : • Mill it will iiifiirc. h forfisshiio, that JFe who'd still moi'e thrivinii' lie, Must leave iiis bed at turn of lhr And. hv way of clii.Kix to the uliol,'. it siiciiM >t:m thus: Hi' wlio'd nourish best of all, Should ncv(;r iio to hod at all. A |)foniisiiio' youth ol" nine suniincrs. in Western Massachusciis. at ii school ivceiitly iviievcd iiis over- hui'ih'ucd uiiiid as foMows: " Loi'd of love, look dow ii IVoni al)ove. rpfui us little scholars ; We have a fool to teach our school And pay her twenty dollars." Mu. \'oi,r.\ii:i:. having' paid s(»nu' hiuii coni|)li- iiniit> to llic ccjchratcd IIall(>r. was told that IlaMcr was n(d in tlu' hal»il (d' s|)eal', but the stranger did not not kn(»w it ; to him it sounded more like: " Uue slam, mai> pome. Name vahde turm me," An Frishnian who had on a very ragged coat was tisked what stuH' it was made of. " Bedad. I don't know." said he, "hut 1 think the most of it is made of fresh aii'." Mistress to sei'vant — '' Did you tell those ladies jit the door that I was not at home?" •• ^'is. mum," Mistress — " What did they say?" St>rvant — "'Mow fortunate." .I.U'K AND Ills IIAKD HMT. " Hallo, .lack ! lia'lo ! Won't you have a drink this cohl morning." ci'ie(l a bloated-looking tavern- keejH'i' to a jolly lar, wlio was smartly stepping along the street. .lack had formerly been a hard drinker, and had spent many a dollar in the tavern iu- was now jjassing, s^ffpSiP^ "j^" ,t- r 'WW m ^91* MAIM) I-r.MI'S. 127 but about a year ago lie had ^ioned the teinperaiu-e l)le(lge. "No, huidlonK no. I can't drink; I've out a hard lump at my side." As the witty sailor siidHiese words he pressed his hand against his side, addiu-, "() this hard lump!" "It is all through leaving „ll' drink," replied the tavern-keeper. '-Some good drink will take away your lump. If you are fool enough to keep from taking a little good liipior your lump will get bigger, I and very likely you'll be having a hard lump at your *»ther side." "True! true! old boy," with a hearty laugh, resj.(.nde(| the merry tar, as he briskly drew out a well-Hlled poeket-book from his po(dvet, and hehl it uj) to the tavern-keeper's gaze. -This is my hard lum]). Vou are right in saying that if I drink my lump will go away, and if I stick to temperance I shall have a bigger lump, (iood-by to you, lamllord. By (Jod's help, I'll try and keep out of your net, and try and get a lumj) at both sides." A judge charging a jury had occasion to make use of the words mortgagor and mortgagee. The foreman of the jury asked the learned judge to ex})lain the meaning of those word>, candidly confessing he did not know their import. His lordship facetiously cxpiaine<| them thus: " I nod to you, you notice nie ; I'm llic iiod-or, you arc tlic iiod-ee." Leezii — "Dear n\i\ Hetty, an' is't true what I hear, that ye're (o be married next week?" Bettv— " Tweel I wat. woman, an' there's nae lee aboot it. V2H rin: odd man and iiiis odditiks. Ye sec. Lcozie. a mairs an unco handy tliinu- to hae al)oot a hooso."" A (•o(|ii(>tto is said to he a })ert'o('t incai'uatiou of Cnpid, as slic ke('[)s lier hean in a ([uiver. AN ODD LAW. Accordinu; to the Now York Trihiiiic, an iinre- pcak'd hiw of New Jorscy, i)assed whiU> the State was a Hiitisli colony, reads as follows: ••That all women, of whatever desty's sid)jects by virtue of scents, cosmetics, washes, paints, artificial tooth. fals(> hair or high, heeled >hoos. shall incur tlu> penalty of thi> law now in forct' ao-ainst witchcraft and liki' misdomoanoi's." '■ You may speak," said a fond molher. '■ about people luivinii' strenti'th ol' nund, but when it comes t(v the -tren^'th of dmi't iiiiiid, niv son William surj)assos aii\bodv 1 know."" A imddm;- i;v i.(»i:i) l;^ i;<)N. I aiii imt ill youtli, nor in iiiuiiIu»ihI iior ■•■u.c. Hill ill iiiraiicy ever am know n ; I am a straiiticr alike to llie t'luil and tiie sa.Lif, Ami tlioiiiiii I'm (li'-tiiinui^liril in liistoryV iianc I am always izrcalest alone. I am iiol. in the earth, nor tin' sun, nor the moon ; Voti may search all the sky-- I'm not liiere : In tile morning' anil eveiiinn', thoiiLili not in llie noon, Voii may plainly perceive me. for, like a liallooii, 1 am midway suspinded in air. ()I)1»S AND r.NI>>. 1-2 !» I :im iilw.'iys ill riclios. ;mil yd f :iiii tolil, WcjiUli iic'ci' (lid my iifcsciicc dcsiiT ; I dwell with the miser, tiioi.uli not with his uold, And sometimes I •>tiiiid in iiis cliimiiey so cnld, Thouiih I siTve MS ;i |):irt (>!' liis tire. I am not in politicid lite. In my Ml)seiiee no iiinu'dom can he : And they say tiiei'e ean neit lier l)i' tViendship nor si I'ile No one can li\c single, no one taiate, I had to <'liml) over it . hy which 1 eame in eoiilaet with the iirst l):if. and have ufazed the epidernds ol' the skin. -*iif*--a\' now .■' asked a triciid (). ju>t liie >aine • Iniy. I)U\- ( ). I see ; she exer- cises a dilVercnl .-pell over you now." Loi'd Nelson, when a hoy. hciiii:' on a visit at his auiit"s. went hunliuL!' one day and did not return till alter dark. The ^dod lady, iniich alannccj, scolded him severely, sayihii': " I wonder fear did not di'ive \-oii home." "I'\'arl"' replied the hoy; "I don't know him." A dyintr West India pliniter, «i'roaiiiii^' to hi» favorite servant, siiriie(i out: "All. Samho, I am ^o- '■.**«#i|iHP» "'TVBfW' ^WH <»[)i)s AM) i;ni>s. 131 n),L:' :i loiiu' j..iinu'V."" ■• Never mind, uiassii."" siid the iie-r... (•(.iiM)!iiiL;lv. •• it am all dc way down lidl." '^ '^i'' '^- :• '-i'' l"i';i"r!iat.--(;inrirv a licjcnali/.e •' '"'• •'"" =""' '''I"'!' i> li''- •■..nsccratc it with M.Icun r<'i'iii> an it to he a lie. A iii'w prixMi ehaplain wa> recently appointed in :i -vrtain town in Seotland. He \\a< a man who -reatly liia^^ldliiMl hi.- oliiee and on .iiierin-' one ol' the eeljs "" I"- 'ii'-l I'oniid of iii-pretii.n. hr. with i^reat pom- po-iiy, i hn,- addre.--r.| the pii-onci' who oeeiipied it: Well. -ii\ (In yun know w ho I am ?"" •• No. . ihe mmeii dani ivply : hnt the ''i'iiiiiii:il -ffim'd a liiile I'oiicili.aiory a few ndniite.< •••ll''i'\\;ii ill yo preached tJii'in liailli empty, liul ve'lliio •ill"! 11 siK'li an ea-y matter to do the same wi" this .ille." Two -oldier- layheneath their l)laid at the -tar-. Says Jack: •■What made yon n-,, into the army. 'I'om?"" ••Well," replied Tom. •• I I'iid no wife and I loved war. -lack, so I went. Wluit made you '^n'!" •• \V(dl."" returned .lack, •• I had a wift', and I loved peace. Tom, so I Went." 132 Tin: ()i>i) MAN AM) Ills <)i)i»i'rii:s. sTi;iKi:s. Strikes arc ([uitc i)r()p('r, unly strike i-iuiit ; Strike to some purpose, hut not tor a ti^lit ; Strike I'or xour nianiiood, t'oi' lioiior ami tame ; Stiike riuiit and lelt, till vmi win a Lino:! iiaiue ; SM'ike I'or your t'reedoiu tVoiu all tlia; is \ ile ; Strike olT couipatiioiis who often iieii'uile ; Strike wilh the hammer, the sledu'e and tiie axe : Strike oil' had hal)its with burdensome ta.\ ; Siriive out unaided, depend on no other ; Sfi'il\e without u'loves and your foolishness smolhei' ; Strike oil' the fettei's ot fashion and pride ; Strike where 'tis liest.hul let Wisdom deeide ; Strike a nood lilow while the iron is hoi ; Strike, keep striking till you hit Ihe liu'hl spot. Dl!. IVMMONS ON l*l!i:\( IIIN(i. -A ViUlllL:' IIUIII Iii'viuii' proiu'lu'tl for the (lo('t(H' one (l;i\-. was anxious to ^'et a word of applause for his hilxir id' love. The urave (htetor was silent, did not inti'oijuee the suhjeet. and the youn,^' man was ohlincd to hail the hook for hiiu. •• i hope. sir. I did not weary y(uir people hv the liMiu'th of uiy sermon t(>-(hiy."" ■" No. sii'. not at all ; nor l>y the depth, eitlivr." Lastly, tlu' younu' man was silent. .\ lireinan's toast: "'rhe ladies the (n\\y ineeii- diai'ii's who kindle a llanu' which water will not e\- tinii'iiish."' A Ki:i;n IJki'I.y. .lohn Wesley, in a laiiic party, had Iteeii inaintaininu'. with liical earnesinesr^. the the voice ol' (iod.'" " ^'e>."* she re- plie.l. mildly, --it cried •('riicil'v him! cniciry him!"" A moi'e admirahle answer was perhaps never uiven. ("iiriMii Si.!;i:n;i;s. — •• M(,w shamet'iil it is that yon shonld fail asleep," said a dnll pi'eaclier to his lood near iiim. starinu' at him — " is both awake an rm: wksi.iivans. '•The Wesleyans.'" said Sir ( 'harles one (hiy . as he had occasion to allude to ihem in the case of Latin,i:iiishe(| hy holdin;.;' the doc- trine of election." etc. Sonic one joLlli'cd Sir ('harles. "svi\ (iL>4.44.s.401.7o;).2;)i».;)(i(l.()()i) times. If all the tfiiiispositioiis were printed they would make a pile of hooks ;i thousand feet liiuh ami covei'iuLi' ten i\i-yv> oj' lifoiiml. STi;i( I'l.V l,l(i.M, IJl'i.A rioNS. A Jew. speakinii' of a youuu' man a^ hi^ son-in- law, was acciiM'd (d' niisleadinn' the e(Uii't. since the _V(»uiiii' man wa> really his .-on. Mose.-. however, pci- sistcM that the name he put to the relationship was the I'iiiht oiu'. and addre.-sinii' the hcncli. ,-ai : when 4 <''Mnc honn' I tinds this lad. Now. ihi' law iddi-v> nu' t" inainlain him. and con^'ciueiitly he is uiv x.n-in- hiw."" •■\\'(dl.'" said L(wd Man>lield. ••that i,- the ht'st dclinilion of a son-in-law I ever Md heard."" An ulVendcr. heinu' arrcslcd and Itrtui^^ht hd'ore a nitiii'istrati' on a petty olTeuce, was thus addressed hv the latter: ".Mi. sir. I sec what you arc I .■.ceihc i'".i:'ii<' ill yonrl'MccI"" '• Indeed, your worship."' said the prisoiu'i'. "I didn"t know h(d'orc thill mv I'mcc wa< 51 Inokinu-ii'hiss. "" In IS,').') .lohn Howard Payne s|)ent so r.c time in (III' South, and I'l rined the acipiiiintaiicc (d' ii diiiiuiitn- /■v^V^'^' ^''"'i. /^- (»i)l)S AND 1:N1)S. .)•) •of Jiidii'c Siniiiicl (iooilc. {)[' ^[()iit;2(MiU'i'v. Ala. An old autoLi'i'Mitli alhiiiii of hers, imw in |)(tssc>>i(tn of lici' son. ('ont!iin> the rollowini:' lines in Pavncs liand- wi'ilinLi', oN'iT his o,,n siiinaturc : " L;i(ly, your iiniiu', il' iiinlcrslooil. F,\|)liiiiis your imlurc to ;i Icttci' : And may yilil(', til hctlcr." ( )n the next paLi'e is a I'esponse. wfilteii hy .Mii'a- heaii I). Lamar, afterwaid l*fe>ideiit ol' the •"Lone Star Ivepiihlic" n\' Texas. It fiin> as I'olldws : I ani (■(intent with licinu' < ieede : 'I'd aim at 'nl/cr iniL^iit he vain ; lint it' 1 (In, 'tis nndcrstddd. \Vliat'ci' the cause— it i~- net I'ayiie. Aim! now to eonie lo llie di'«eit.--i(iii alxutt the va.-e wldeli staiuU ain(tnL; tlie fail' ladies : 'rile Western one t'rnni a nameless place IWusiiinuly said, "Wlial a Insclv \ase." Tlii- W'estei'ii |irononneiation did not exactly siiil the paii\' I'ldni New ^'(U■k. sd she chipped in : Deftly lildiiiu reiu'ddl in pi'aisc. She cries, ""ri- indeed a Idvely va/.e." The (hdeiiatioii ffoin I'eiin-y l\ania ohjectetl. The pi'onniM'iatioii (d' l!ie word disa^i'ee(l with lhe(,>nakei' ( 'it\' nuiidei\. foi' slh'. With eiinseidusness (if iwii ur.'indpiipns, lAclainis, "It is (piite a 'dVel\ \ahs" ".ItdV."' (d' eoni'se. lets 1 lu' Host on nii'j have the last Wdi'd. lie knows that diset'etioli is the hettef part (d' valor, and he lives in llosion. This ^irl says : '■ 1 (lid net catch youi' remark, iiecause I was Sd enlraiiced w itii thai chartniiiL;' vaws." "mm 136 TIFK ODD MAN AND IDS ODDITIHS. All of which is very odd and cxli-ciiicly ruiiiiy, James JeH'ry, fur no one knows hetler than the Pioston man that the real pronunciation is a jui:-. i{i:v. KonKur iiai.i,. The celehrated preacher, who believed in the virtue of a little nonsense now and then, was once reproached l>y a dull brother of the (doth with the ren.ark : "How can you who preacdies in the pnli)it as yon do. talk in su(di a jokinu', triflinii manner."" "There, hntther." said y\v. Hall, "is the diiVei-ence hetwt'cn us: von talk youi- nonsense in the pulpit — 1 talk mine out of it-" DiDi:. "Kxcuse me. Miss Sharpe. 1 had (piite fiu'L;-ott(Mi yii- I !iin so altsenl-uiinded. d(»n"t cher know." Miss Sharp — " ^'es. I have noticed the altsence of mind." " is the tide u'oiui:' out ? " said a sailor to a iicntle- man who was |iassinii' a house where a marriage had just 'aken jilace. The reason why the word " honeynitton " is onlv aj)plie(l t(t married persons is pi-ol»ahly because the moon onlv alTects the tie(l. \V(»MAN INri.lKNCi:. " Tlicy t.'ilk iitioiit M wdinatrs splicrc, .Vs tluiutfli il hiid ii liiiiit. There's not ii plttce in cMrlli or licavcii. There's not ;i tjisk of nianUiiid given, Tlicre's Mol 11 Itlessiiin' •"' n woe, There's not a wliisper, yes or no, ODDS AND i;NDS. 187 'I'licrc's lint ;i lite, or death, or hirtli. That lias a feather's weiizlit of worth Willioiit a woman in it." The Hi'V. Kowhiiid Hill snid of ;i iiiiiii who knew the tnitli. 1)111 scciucd jil'raid to pi'ciU'h its fulliicss : ■• He j)i-(':u'ht's the truth ;is ;i donkey iiiiiiiihh'S ;i thistle — very ejuitiously."" NO i;i:iMj;(rioNs on \vasiiin(;i'on. All iiiubitioiis iiiiiu heinti' eleetee his constituents. lie waited for a littiiiu' occasion, and then, risiii!^'. heiiaii : "Mr. Speaker — Wlieii I rellcet on llie ciiaracler of (Jeneral Washington—" and came to a sud(h'n stop. Heiiimiinii- auaiii, he >aid : " .Mr. Speaker — Wlieii 1 rellcet on Ihc cliaractcr of (Jeiieral WasliiiiLilon -" and auain tiie tailurc of Ids memory lirouglit him to a sudih'ti liait. Kor the thii'd lime he attempted to uo on, liut no further th;ui "W'asliiiiLrton." " I rise to a point of order, Mr. Speaker ! " e.velaimed a wan'- ii'isii memlii'r, " It is not in orih'r for a niemher of this liouse to lie makiiiii' relleetioiis on liic ciiaraeler of (ieiicral Wash- iiiiitoii." This siiot hidULilil down the liouse and tiie foructful niemlier, .\ uieddjesoinc old woman was sneerinu' at a yoiuiir inother's iiwkwardiiess with her inraiit. aiul said : "I (U'clarc. a \\<»iiiau never oiiiiht to have a baby uiiU'ss she knows !\ow to hold it." "Ntu' a tongue either" wa?^ till' (|iiict ri'ioindcr. ^''" ."^ 'W W:&' ■mm' 1 ;}s Till: ODD MAN AND Ills ODDITIKS AN ODD I'Ali: ol' S('ALi:s. A niDiik, when his rites sncrcdoial was o'er, 111 till' (1(^)111 ol' his cell, with its stdiic-cDVcivd tionr. ivcsisniiiu' to thouiiiit liis chiiiu'i'ical luviiii. Oiicc loi'iiicd a coiilrivaiicc '.vc mow shall explain ; Hut whether In iiianic. or alehemv's powers, A\ e know not -indeed, 'tis no luisiiiess of ours. Perhaps it was only hy patience and care. At leasl, that he hrouiilit his invention to hear. In youth 'twas projected, hut years stole away. And ere 'twas coiniiletc he was w linkled and >;ray ; l>ut success is assured, unless eiierux fails. And al h'liuth he produced tho.se reniark:!l)le scales, " What were they ?" you ask ; you shall presently see ; Those scales were not made to weiuh suii'ar and tea. <) no. lor such propcrlies >\()iidrous had ihev. That (pialities, fci'linu's, and ihouiihls they could uei-h, 'I'o.uelher with articles small or immense. l'"'rom mountains or ])laiiets to atoms of >ense. Xauiiht was iheri'so bulky, liul Ihei-c it co-ild lay. And nauiiht so ethereal luit ihere it would slay ; And nauiiht so I'eliiciani hut in it nuiNt no — All which sonu' examples more plainly may show. 'I'lic llrsi thiiin- he weighed was the iie.id of \ oltaire. Which i-etained all tlic w il that had e\ci- been Ihere. Asa weii>lil he threw in a loi'ii scrap of a li'af (.'ontaininu- the prayer of the peiiiteni thief. \\ hen the skull lose aloft with so sudden a si)ell That it bounced like a ball on the roof of the cell. One time he put in Alexander the (Jreat, "Willi a ii-armeni that Dorcas had made for a weight. And tiiouii'h clad in i.rmor from sandal to crown. The hero rose up and the li'arment went down, A lonu' row of Mlms-hoiises, amply endowed Hy a well-esleemed Pharisee, busy and proud. Next loaded the scale while the other was prest. I>y those mites the jioor widow dropi into the chest ; W^S^ Tin: ODD s( Aij;s. 189 rp llcw llic ciulowiiiciits, lint wciiiiiiiiLi' an (lUiicc, And down, down, the rai'tliinii-Wdrtli cainc with a bounce. Again Iii' pcrt'ornicd an cxpcrinicnt fare ; A inoni<. with austerities, iilccdinu- and liarc. Cliinlicd into one sfjik- : in other was laid The heart of our Howard, now partly deeayeil. When he found vviih surprise that the whole of his brother W'eiii'hed less, iiy some itounds. th.an the liit of the other. I>y furlhei' e.xiterinieiits — no in.ilter how — lie found that leii ehariois wciiihed less ili;in one ])louoii A sword, with iiilt trappiniis, rose u]t in the scale. 'I'houiih balanced by only ;i ten-penny nail. A shield and a helmet, a bucklei- and spear, NN'eiiihed less than a widow's unei'ysl.ali/ed tear, A lord .'Hid a lady went up in fidl s.ail. When a lice ch.aneed to liu'lit on the oppnsiti scale. Ten (hiclors, ten lawyei's, two conrtici's. one eai'l. Tell councilloi's' wiu's lull of powder and cui'l. All heaped in one balance, ;Uid sw iiojiiiL;' I'l-oin thence, Weiu'iied le-.s than a few iii'idiiN of ' andoi' and sense. A first water ili.aniond. with bi'illian;> Iteuirt , Th;ui one liood potato just washed from the dirt ; Yet, not mountains of silver and u'old would sutlice. One jiearl to out w eiuh — 't w as the I'eaii of (Jreat I'l'ici'. L;i>t of all, the w liolc woiid was bow led bi' at the ur.ate. With the soul of a bcLiiiar to serve for :i weiu-hl, NVhen the former sprung- up with so .strong .a reiiulV Tlnit it m:idc a vas' I'etit and escape(l at the roof, W hen balanced in air it ascended on liiLih. And sailed up aloft, a balooii in tiie sky ; While the scale with a soul in so mightily fell. That it jerked the philoso|iiie!' out of his cell. Mol! \i,. Dear reader, if e'er self-deception prevails, W'c pray yon to try those extraordinary scjiles ; Hut if tiiey are lost in the ruins around, IVl'iiaps a good substitute then may be t'ound. mc' l-^<' rm: odd man and his odditids. r.cl judgment :m(l ciinsciciicc in circles he cut, 'I'o wliicli strings of tiiought may l)f carefully put. [.et tiicsc he made even, with caution extreme, And impartiality serve as a beam. Then hiing those actions which jiride over-rates, -Vud tear u]) your niniives in l)its for the weights. Tin: itKi.KMors ( ai;d im, \yi;i:. A priviiti' sdld'hT \)\ till' iKiiiu' of Klchard I^ce wjis tiikcii l)croi-(' the uiau-istiiitc oi* (ilastiow for i)lav- iuti cai-'ls in cliiirch diirini;- divine .service, the ac- count (.; wliicli is njvcn in an l^nglisli joiifiial : A .'-eri^-eant coiiiinaiidcvl the phiei- for them.'" '• Never mind tluit.'" said ITichard. AN'hen the x'rvices were o\er the coiistahh' took Kiehard prisoner, and. hi'ought him hel'ore the Mavor. ••Well."" .-ays the .Mayor, '-what have vou hroiiMiit the soldier here for? '" ■• l"'oi' playing' cards in the elinrch.'" ••Well, soldier, what have von t(» >a\' for voiir- . i:Ni»-. 1-n ,,f my int^'iitiuns."" Tlim spivudin- the ("inl^ lu'l'.-iv the Mayor, lie bt'uaii with tlic acf. •• Whm I sec liu' :ic(' it iviuinds me that thciv is Imt ..lu- (uh\. \\'\wu \ sec the ducf it iviniii.U me of Father and S,.n. When I see the tray it remind- me cf Father. Son and Holydhost. When I see the tuur it rmiimls me ol' the tunr evangelists that preached. Matthew. Mark. I.uke and .luhn. When I see the live it remind> me of the five Viro'ins that trimmed their himps : tliere were ten ..f them. l)Ut Hve were wise and five were t'ooli.sli. and were sliut ont. When I see tlie six it re- minds me of the six day> in whiidi (l(»d nuuh' the heavens and the eartii. and all livin,-' thin-is. When [ see the seven it reminds me of the seventh day, whendod ivsted from the .ureat work wliicdi he had made. W!i. th'seriptioii of that if you will not he an^iry. " ••I will not." said the Mayor, ••ij' you will not term nu' to he the knaxc." ••The LiTeati'st knave 1 know i> the eonstni)]" that hrouLi'ht nie here. " •• ! do not know.'' said the Mayor. •' it' he is the Liicate.-t knave, hut 1 know he is the L:i'eat''st fool."' ••NN'hen I eoinit how many spots then' are in a pack of cards I lind three hundred and sixty-tive — as many da\s as are in a yeai'. \\'hen I count the nuiu- herof cards in a pack I tind tiftv-two- the numher of weeks in a year. I tind there are twelve picture cards in a pack, representliuii' the nund»'r of moiUlis in a year, and on countiu:^' the tricks 1 lind thirtei-u. the numher of week- in a mmm t^w^' I (»i)i)s AND i:m»> 14S i I As tliere i> iu> <'IhI U> tin- nddilirs :ui each cxtivinc \\\v oIIut is an oddity: that they arc t.. he f.-uud in all dq-urt- nu-nts of life, so that while we aiv aiiui.^iii- ourselves, inn.x'ently. with the i.eeuliaritie> of otlieiv. they may he. perhaps, this very hour. iun>.eently lauirhln- at ours. In all thi<\ve n>ay h'aru ihe ^eees^ity of hrollierly kindu.'ss. and to he sparin- in nur censures of those who diiVer from us. Winter, must, of eoui>e. he a mystery to summer: hut not more so than one man is toanother. If we had clearer perceptions of the(lif- fercnces in each others teniperament> and dispositions, and more of that suhlime •• charity whi<-h thiidvcth no evil,'' we would h.> more Xvw rv with the errin,--. more sympathetic with the nid'nrtnna'.'. an. I nn.re -enerous to all. I \ -i\ '■^■'::M/''fj "% THE SAXON RACE. iM;M\ i;;i in |-.i', iiii i.n^i ii;ii;i-- m i--;;\Kl ".\ l:i,\. '•» . il. i i i- . •«';iilir I hi ;iix. Thi'ii' 1^ li;ir>llv ;i ili\ pii^'r in ilir I !•. " 11- I.I ' Mp-'I . !• I IM 11; - II. 'I' ' •! I'l i|;. '-. 1 I '. " \ W ..| k m| HI 1 'll r.-.r:iri'il ;niii I iri'Miiiil \ .il ii rmi iinMi I w.'ll iii'.rli r\ li:ni ^1 • \ ■■ "1 llir -.I'li ji'.-i ." Ill ' . .1.1-. W II ii. I', li. ■ \ \r\\ |i..|!!l is ,-;.-;:i:\ pi.i\.'il. 1 vvMilij !,, li.iil lliiil ;i ri,|i\ .MiiM lir |)i.-|.' ■,| III ihr liiih.l- 1. 1 .'VriA iniiilsl.'; :i ml ill r\ I'lv li.'Msi-. ■ I'm I, ■' I il ..i 1 , 'I 01 ,.iii...' •■ I ii,,. .,| III,. .( ,.|,il,,.,-,ii... |..MMM.,|, I dr.. 1.4. 'i c| Is. j nisi III Ills \rl llili||s|lr,l .ill Ihls s,|llji.c!." III! " IIm n 1:1 , ■ riil'.iiil II. "I::! r si i ii'H •! inl i.i:iiiiii :il , .'■ Tm I, < ' \ \ \ III \ N \ !'\ \\' I . I iiriiiil... s;i\ s : " 1 I Is .'I w iiiiilcrjiil I k.' 1; I \ . .M . I . I 1 \ VV Ks. ■■ \ !.;i|.l,rl| . i|lL;,l|l|ril. 11 ,li| I 111 i II I liulv I II I I'l'.'s; . illU \..|i||hi'. Il i||i\.'s \iii| ill! Ilirl s liiijii whii'li i'li'ii' ;s III I'sc'i |H , lull I II I'. iii:;!i ilii- ;;i ri|il .'I ! .1' ..| lln ;iiilliiii s pusi 1 jmi,, \,,'i (.■rl I .Ml ii II ! I li:i! I III' 1 ■■■11 1 I'll! ill ••■•I is w i.M siisi :.i II, i|." 1; I \ . In;. I.. I'. |i v > > s:i\ s, ■■ 1 Iriw liiiiinl Ihili'li |i|r:isiiiT ;i mj I II,,. III i II ii'.-iili h:i I Ills Im.iK. 1 1 is w III In i hi :i Ii;..s| .ii I n i :i m i i;^ 'i ■■,! .'..lis I iii'iim iin I in'i ." !■' I V . I III. I'l, 1 1 ~ I l| 1 ... 1 I . " rilr I ll.'lllr , Is -ii is .i||i. i.| .^li.w i i:.j Mill" . I'sl. iuhI I'l" 1 1 rill iii'ii 1 .i| il lie:.' Is 1 .r.:i.|i i..iis :iiiil I In .|iii|..;li I'li.. ;ii'i'li;('iii..r!i :il ;ii'i:ii iii.'iil s i i.hTspnsr.l .\iili iln- .*iri |.i in ■• lii;.. ami pl-iiiils. ■.i\r 111 liilli-ll \:ill|.. Ii.illi |.i ||||. sliiil.-iil ;|i,il In |||,. _:i.| fi ;il riMili'i'. \\ .' Ii:i\ .• ji.iiir.Ml i,\.-r i in- jlt^is i,| i ,ii' Ii,h,k \\ ii h mi,i| ,> than miliiiary |i|r;isi|. ,•. unl \v ,■ lirlirvr iln' .aiillinr iii;iIm s ,,iii j^s 1 ■ ; 1 s ' . " 1; I \ , h:: 111 I Ki ; , . Ivliliir ..I Tin- \i'U 1 nlk ' hrisi 1:1 11 \il \ .ii'.il r s:i\ s III ■ hi s |ii,.i^ . ■ Till' \ I'liiliii' is Ki',. Ills iiilri rsl Mil;. ' 'III 1 r. V \ \ 1 ;: 1.1 I -1; M I : | HlMi shi'.l I 11 1 .1 iliih Mi . K Mu'l.'nnl , 1 ihis : ,, I he |il|lills||. .1 Icrl nil's III I hi' \\i-\ W . II. I'ii..|r. 1, I.. I I., as |ii||i.\\ s; " W I I'.'Hi hUllilN I i'|..iliilii ml lliis \,\..rk. ' \ r.;'.. |s;ii.,.' \\ is w ri 1 1 I'll I'li'ai l\ . i-ai rli|i|\ ;i ihI v i ma iiizlv .' 1; I \ . I , \\ . I \ \i laa 1 I . '■ 1 1 Is .. 1 1 .a r a III |ii'.:iial. 1 1 sr,.||,s i., n,,. ; hii il |iii|s| -.aifs i-iiii \ |..| mil III till' ir'ihl nl .'\riA I'arilii fi'.aih i'. Til I > V 1 1 ;;ii \ N N ii.ii I . I'm iiaiii. 'Ill ■ si \ |.. is |,i,.;isi irj .i m| lii'iil, i h.- ai i-'Miiiciils jnsiiail nl ln'i ir.^ i.ar II I ■'nil as 1 i iiLai^innl iln'V wniiiil lia\ I' hrc'li, sri'liinil li h'.ir mil 1 111' I' i|ir!i|s|,,|i- In' is i'\ iilcli | | \ sn I, Mr;, 'rii" i'lras ;ii(' s,i iii^ -iii. lis M n >i ri-. ■] nsi \ •. tlim n ni.'ikrs ihr \ I'.i.i Isiii'l an lAl iiaiii'i\ i nirr.' •! i lu. n mk in Ii'ihI 'iinl mi,' I h.al iiii;s| allni'il iili'iisiiir .'iml |iim|ii I n all v hn l.'ikr a n iii I m i st . n liilih' --I inh . I'. 'I'lAN.snN, j'.s..., >;i\s " Il lllls Mil' '■ '1111' In ll-||l W j I 1 1 | 1 1 l||.' p.'lsl l.'W \ I'.'ll - I lial I 111' \ ir^jn s;| yiil, |:|, ,. ;|| ,. I ,.;|||\ ;|;|,| ||.|||\ ] | | ,,,,.',.; | I llhrs." ■|iif: |iiii;nn Tkiium. " Thn pn imiii'iil ri-,|.|i'i wh.. >iarls |..ir;i,l I III' I I-. stall lis ill ilaimiT 111 liriiiu' ' .m\ iim ''I In spiir ,a hiinsi M.' liii, I 'iiMiMi l.ii I . Iii'i I nil . "Till' I "ri 111!"- .Ill' lull III 1, 1 1 I'll' si ami u ill In 'III I III' al I I'll! i nil n| I In I'l'inliT II -liii lii'si in l.'isi," l!i \ . \. .1. II V i: 1 1 I N , I'll si IS I, Till 1 1 MiiiisiiT. jii'.'ir sir, "l i haiiK smi Inr \nl|r splmnliil S\nrk. \.ill llli >■ Illl'nW n ,'l llnml n| lr_;lil nil iiiaiiv llllSi'liri' ji; il|l||.i'll"i nl l|nl\ '.V III I'lim , l»\v, I'liiil ian, MISS. "IwmiM imi p.'i ii w M h \ mir Imh ik " \ii- Uln Israi'l " Im mir liiiinlii'il ilnllai s, n | rmihl mii ^ri ainii litT." Ki \ . I!. \ 1. 1 III I,, I'lrshv li'i'ian Minisim, W liHi ( i i v , KaiiMis. "1 liki^ Villi 1' I II ink r\ IT sn llllli'li. .''I'llil llli' ,'l mil lli'l rnp^ . " ^■r?: W^'.- y'y •■'f;^''^' f---/-.'si«, ' :,■■ ■•-. / V ,1- -•■', ?\. ■;;:.:i*%u,:^.'i ■•■■/-■:■< -r . ■ :- - v .' 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