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MONTREAL : PIJHI.ISHKD BY A SYNDICATK 1881. / .^. 1 X 4l I \ SIR JOHN AND SIR CHARLES, OR THK SECRETS OF THE SYNDICATE The Parliament Buildings, Ottaua. Dramatis Personce.—Sm John A. MacDonald and Sir Charles Tupper. Scene — Sir John A., seated.— Enter Tupper. Tupper— Hey day ! Sir John, whence comes that gloomy brow ? In other words — old fellow, what's the row ? You look as sad as Spain's most famous Don, My erstwhile, frisky, debonnaire Sir John ; (He of the rueful countenance, I mean). Cheer up, my chief, the Contract's all serene, That bumptious Blake henceforth muse sing quite small : I, Tupper, I have pricked his wind-bags all ; I, Tupper — I, with most persuasive skill. Have gilded o'er our patent contract pill, And now, with eager throats our followers yearn To go it blind, and gulp the whole concern. Sir /ohn— Bear with me, Tupper ; I am ill at ease. I feel, I know that Contract's not the cheese ; Pacific 1 yah 1 it's torture, fire and pain, It's horrible, this pressure on my brain. Oh I I was mad ; in very truth, thrice mad, To crow so loud at Hocbelaga, — had I boasted less, would I have been the tool Of this cursed Syndicate ? Oh, fool ! fool ! ! fool ! ! ! 7'«/>/ng bit. le me Oh ! how I vowed, when I was so cut up ' About that other wretched Scandal, I, . If but restored to power, would thenceforth try To keep clean hands — and now, oh, now I feel I've sinned more deeply 'gainst my country's weal ! But yet there's time ; truth, conscience, all forbid This monstrous bargain ! — Sir, it can't be did — I'll throw it over — back down — funk — resign ! , Tupper — And never more be premier of mine ? Heavens ! Mac, you're mad, indeed — but stay, you jest — ^ One of your tricks, my Johnnie ! — for the rest, ^--^ I'll not believe you ! ^,>- fohn — Won't you ? well, you'll find I'm in dead earnest. Tupper, call to mind The terms of this vile Contract as it stands : What does it give ? — Cash in abundance ; lands In reckless plenty — this I might condone. If hedged with proper safeguards, — there are none ! Next, it divests us of all just control Of a most huge monoply, sans soul ; And binds the future of the teeming West Firm in its cruel grasp ; then for the rest : Freedom to choose its choicest lands at will ; Freedom from taxes and free imports — still • 'Twas not enough ! — the tell-tale blood will rush Hot to my brazen cheeks with painful blush As I the prairie section grant recall, — Ten thousand cash per mile, and that's not all ; Twelve thousand acres, too — say fifty thou For what may perhaps cost ten — and even now There's more to tell, — we leave them really free To feed Chicago with our traffic. We, In fact, have no control of route or rate, — We make them lords, lords absolute I — a fate For all the future of that glorious land. I'm reckless, true ; but this I cannot stand I What do we get } a road — ah, pshaw ! a road For which we shoulder far the costliest load. We build the heaviest part — for all the rest Pay more than cost, —then with a kindly zest Hand over all to this cursed Syndicate — This motley crew of Yankee Grits ! I hate — Yes — hate the thought ! I'll none of it — no, no ! This weltering in the mire is not for Joe ! Tupper — Put out your tongue, you are, you must be ill ! I'll send a draught round and a large blue pill. (I'm both your colleague and your doctor now), Hum ! pulse quite quick, eyes glazed — ah, that's the row !- You're feverish, sir, — I order bed instanter. ^ir John — Bed me no beds, but clear out in a canter — Lest that befall you I were loth to see ; I'm master here — I order — now, sir, flee. Tupper — My honored chief — Sir John — Shut up! Tupper — I can't, indeed I won't be sat upon ; You must be ill, or mad, indeed you must, To kick up wildly this ferocious dust About the Contract — why, who better knew Its full details, its ins and outs than you ? I know the pill's a tough one, but what then ? You've swallowed tougher. Sir John — Never, sir! Tupper — You took Sir Hugh's hard cash ? Ha ! ha ! you shrink ;— Ere you grow super-virtuous stop and think. You're — Sir Job-"- SILENCE, sir ! get out ! Tupper — Sir John — Then mind this, sir, you'll sufter if you don't. You egg'd me on to sign this contract, sir. Smiled at my scruples, laughed at each demur — You said we must, no matter what the cost, Grant everything was asked, or else be lost. My dear Sir John, Not when Indeed I won't. You sneered at duties— called them airy graces,— Said our first duty was to keep our places, And now, you ruffian you, you dare to twit Me with a bygone weakness — vanish I flit ! Absquatulate ! or bit from little bit ril tear you. Tapper — Mad ! mad as a hatter — stay Whilst, turn about, I have my little say. Was't I who spoke at Hochelaga then ? Was't I who said we " held them firmly " when To say so was a well, I'll not say what ? Was mine the bumptious brag — the arrant rot That got us in the scrape from which alone This Syndicate has freed us ? Sir, I own This contract bad, but blame yourself, not me, I'd rather make a worse — much worse than be, Before our friends and foes alike convicted Of that to which no gentleman's addicted. • Sir John — S'death, Sir, and fury — what! you bandy taunts? What of that legacy ? a something haunts My mem'ry — ah ! substantial, was it not ? Don't you and all your children get a pot From this same Syndicate .^ Tupper — Enough! enough! Yes, this black insult is quite quantum suf. A Cartwright redwivus — that's your role ! Then now I swear no longer cheek by jowl I'll sit with you. Henceforth my cry shail be Revenge for this unheard of perfidy. There — fhe writes) — there's my resignation — root and branch I'm free — beware the coming avalanche. Sir John— {Aside) Hum! Longfellow— Oh ! Tupper. Tupper— " What's the matter ? " Sir John — There ! there ! old boy, don't keep up such a clatter— •' Have you not love enough to bear with me When that rash humour" (Pshaw ! t' won't rhyme, I see. 8 Shakespeare, avaunt !) There, Tapper, there's my hand — Forget, forgive, — whatever comes we stand A pair of brothers. Tupper — Well, then, stop your gash About the Contract and that weak rehash Of Blake's wild thunder. What the dickens, man, Has ailed you lately } Sir John— Oh ! my Tupper, can — Can you not guess .'' I sat on New Year's night And thought the Contract over. Perhaps I might Have felt the influence of that solemn time, When sober thoughts with sober reason chime. I doubted first, and then grew fully sure This Contract should be cancelled — aye and more — I thought to cancel it — I was — am still Half mad between " I will not " and " I will." Oh ! Tupper, there are times when I can feel That truth and justice, and the country's weal. Should be preferred before a party gain. Come ! shall I plead, old friend, with you in vain .'' Shall we withdraw the contract .'' Tupper— What ! and stand The laughing-stock of Grits throughout the land ? No ! no ! still no ! a thousand times, still no ! he Contract stands for weal or stands for woe. Sir John — 'Nuf sed. Let's have a nip. Don't tell the rest — Here's Tilley coming ; he likes coffee best. \^Sir John has his nip, and the Scene closes, minus blue fire, ~]