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"- S^ ~J:§W^'-- ■^^^"y ^^■6 =^ -^^-- ^- -~e! - ^a^^ai*^ I~:F^B^r "She was Mt.in in tl,., clo<,r uhcn I went to her. and sh. rni.M.d her old dim J-. C)^ ,„vi;i L MAJOR JONES'S SKETCHES OF TRAVEL IN HIS TOUR FROM GEORGIA TO CANADA. PHILADELPHIA: T. B. PETERSON. •ik THE LIBRARY THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA J is J f I "1 ■I MAJOR JONES'S ^ 'sketches of TRAVEL: ».*.> i ^OMPIIISINQ THK itmes, Inciknts, mis %)ik\\\m^, IH HIS TOUR FROM GEORGIA TO CANADA. liT THE AUTHOR OP "major jonks's courtship," jeto., bto. \ >SOV^ WITH EIGHT ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATIONS, FROM DESIGNS BY DARLEY "^: PHILADELPHIA: T. B. PETERSON, 102 CHfiSTXUT STREET. # «iM Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1813, by CAREY&HART, In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States^ in and for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. Printed by T. K. k P. G. Collins. mmu^ ^%^- PREFACE. 3, by tates^ ill Reader, do you feel like gwine on a jurny to the north! If you do, jest take a seat with me, and I'll carry you from Pineville to Qiiebeck, and back agin in a little or no time. I don't know as I can offer quite sich inducements to travelers, as is offered by some of the pop'lar writers of the day ; but if I can't promise you sich elegant style nor sich instructive and enter- tainin gossip by the way, I can carry you over Ihe route as cheap as most of 'em, and with as little dan- ger to your morals. We will travel in steamboats, ralerodes, stage-coaches, and canal-boats, over rivers, lakes and mountains. We will visit cities, towns, and country, and see every kind of scenery, and make the acquaintance of all sorts of people ; but if the trip should prove dull and uninte- restin to you, you can sleep over the long stretches, and if you should git cumpletely out of patience with your auther, you can stop on the way and git aboard of the next book that cums along. But in sober yearnest : this little sketch of my perry- grinations among the big cities of the northern states, was rit with no higher aim than to amuse the idle hours of my frends, and if it fails to do that, its a spilt job. [f I had made a bigger book, I'd tuck up too much of 5 6 PKEFACE. the reader's time with sich unprofitable nonsense, and the strait jacket imposed on me by the limits of my volume, made it difficult for me to accomplish what I sot out to do. To git over so much ground even by the shortest route I could find, tuck a good deal of room, and if I stopped to introduce a incident or describe a uiterestin scene now and then, I found my letters gittin so long that my book wouldn't hold 'em. I don't want to be understood, though, as makin a apology for my book— not by no means. Sich as it is, I'm responsible for it. But with this brief explanation, them what waste the time to read what I have rit about my tmvels, will understand why these pages aint no more deservin the compliment they thus pay to Ther frend til deth, Jos. Jones. Finevilkf Ga,, July^ 1847. ■J MAJOR JONES'S SKETCHES OF TRAVEL SlirongI) ti)t Unitcb Statce. LETTER I. Pineville, Geo., May 5, 1845. To Mr. Thompson: — Dear Sir — I have almost gin up writin intirely, sense you quit editin the Southern Miscellany ; but I spose I'm like other peeple what's got the kakoethis sknbendy^ as they call it, and never ■will git cumpletely cured of it as long as I live. Dr. Mountgomery ses it depends a grate deal how peeple take it, whether they ever git over it or not ; sumtimes, he ses, when they catch it at school they git cured of it, when it comes out, by a few doses of judishus kriticism. But he ses he thinks it's a constitootional disease with me, and I better jest let it take its course. Well, sense my book* has been printed and so many thousand copies of it has been sold all over the country, I've felt a monstrous curiosity to see a little more of the world and the peeple in it, than what a body can see out here in the piny- woods ; and as the crap is pretty well laid by now, and things is considerable easy with me, I've made up my mind to make a tower of travel to the big North this summer, jest for greens, as we say in Georgia, when we hain't got no very pertickeler reason for any thing, or hain't got time to tell the real • Major Jones's Courtship, with 13 Engravings. Price 50 cts. 7 jE^Cl. 8 MAJOR JONKS'S one. Pm p;winc lo lake Mary and little Henry Clay (who's a mazin smart litllc ffllor now, I can It'll you,) and go to New York, and t'iladelly, and Washington Chy, and Baltomoro, and ]5oston and all about thar, and spend the summer until pickin time, nockin round in them big cities, raong them peeple wiiat's so monstrous smart and religious and rellned, and see if I can't pick up sume idees what'll be worth remeniberln. I've got a first-rate overseer to take care of the plantation, and every thing's fixed for the trip. Mary's tickled to deth at the idee of seein New York, and gettin a new bonnet rite from the French milliner ; and the galls is all gwine to send for new frocks to be made in the very newest fashion. Old Miss Stallins, who you know is one of the economicahst old wimen that ever lived, hain't got much notion of no such doins. She ses its all down-right nonsense to spend so much money jest for nothing but to travel away olf among people what we don't know nothin about, and maybe won't never see agin if we was to live to be as old as Methusleum. The fact is the old woman hain't got no notion of them northern people no how. Ever sense that feller Crotchett tiied to git round her for one of hfir daughters, she can't bear the name of the north ; and jest talk to her about water privileges, and it puts her in a passion in a minit. She ses, Lord knows she wouldnt' give a thrip})ence to see all the bominable Yankees in the w'orld, and as for seein the country, she ses ther's as many fine plantations, and handsum towns, as many big mountains and rivers^ and as many cataracks and sulfer springs in Georgia, as she wants to see, 'thout gwine away olf on the sea to git shipracked maybe, or blowed up by some everlastin steamboat bustin its biler. Besides, she ses, it's no won- der the southern people is always complainin about hard times, when they go to the north every summer and spend all ther money in travelin and byin fineries and SKETCIIEa OF TRAVEL. northern gigamarees of one kind another what they mought jest as well do ^without. Mother's a little raore reasonable 'bout it. She ses that bein as I'm a literary caracterl ought to see something of the world, and as it's monstrous troublesome to travel with children, we better go now, when we hain't got but one. She ses it's fashionable to go to the north, and she don't see why I haint as good a right to be like other folks, as sum people she knows, what goes to the Sarry- togy springs every year, when they can't hardly make out to live at home. All she don't like about it is, takin little Henry so far from home. She ses if he was to git sick at the north then she couldn't be thar to nurse hira, and Lord only knows what would come of the child. But she's bundled up a whole heap of things to make yarb tea for the baby when it gits sick, and told Mary all how to do, and Prissy's one of the best nurses in the world ; so ther ain't no fear about that. Lord knows, she ses, old misses needn't trouble herself 'bout little massa Harry, for she nussed Miss Mary through all her croops and measels and hoopin-coughs, and all manner of ailments, and she reckons she ought to know how to take care of sick children by this time. I never did see sich a proud nigger before in all my life as she is 'bout gwine to the north. The galls has been raakin some new frocks for her, and Mary ses she really does believe the creeter's head is turned ; for she can't stand still long enuli' to try 'em on. She don't think of nothing else but carryin her little massy Harry 'bout New York to look at the stores, and she's promised every nigger on the planta- tion to bring 'em sumthing from the north. Ned wants to go too, but I don't think it's hardly worth while to take him along for all the use he'd be to us, and thea it would add to the expense. We're all in a muss now gettin ready for the journey, and sich other fixin and packin you never did see. I do believe old Miss Stallins and mother has packed up 'bout 10 MAJOR JONES'S 1^:1 seven trunks full of plunder of one kind and another, and the more we tell 'em that tlier ain't no use in takin so much, the more they say we don't know any thing about it. Do you think old Miss StalHns hain't put in a heap of quilts and pillar-cases! and I do believe if we had a trunk big enuff to hold 'em, she'd make us carry a feather 'bed or two. She ses people never does know what they want til they find themselves without it, and the best way is always to be on the safe side. She tried her best this morning to git Mary to let her put in 'bout twenty pounds of country soap. She ses she don't care how cheap it is at the north, she knows ther ain't no better in the world than her own make ; and she don't see any sense in people gwine and spendin ther money for things what they've got at home. She's a monstrous clever old woman, and I try to humour her all I can in her noiions, but I can't stand the soap. We expect to start day after to-morrow, if nothing don't turn up to prevent, and if you think my letters is worth the postage, I'll give you my impressions of mat- ters and things now and then, whenever I meet any thing in my travels worth noticin. Hopin you will be alive and able to keep off the rauskeeters when I cum bac// this fall, I must bid you good-by for the present. So no more from Your fiiend til deth, Jos. Jones. SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 11 LETTER II. Pineville, Georgia, May 10, 1845. To Mr. Thompson : — Deai' Sir — This is a world of disappintment, shore enuff. All my plans is busted up, and I don't know if any thing ever sot rae back much worse before. You know I had evry thing fixed for a journey to the North this summer, with my faraly. Well, last nite, bein as we was gwine to start the next mornin, w^e had a little sort of a sociable party at our house, jest by way of makin one job of biddin good by to the nabours. 'Along the rest of 'em, old Mr. Mountgomery come to see us and wish us good luck on our journey. Mary and all of 'era was in a monstrous flurryment, and had little Harry ail dressed out in his new clothes, to let the nabours see how pretty he looked before he went away. Old Mr. Mountgomery's monstrous fond of children, and always makes a heap of little Harry, cause he's so smart ; and the old man tuck him up on his knee and ax'd him whose sun he was, and how old he was, and a heap of other things what the little feller didn't know nothing about. " Don't you think it'll improve hiS helth to take him to the North?" ses Mary to him. ^•0>yes!" ses he; "no doubt it'll be a great deal of sarvice to the Ihtle feller ; but he'll be a monstrous site of trouble to you on the road, Mrs. Jones." '•Yes!" ses Mary; "but Prissy's a very careful nurse ; and she's so devoted to him that she won't hardly let me touch him." " O, yes!" ses the old man ; " if you could jest take Prissy 'long with you, then you'd Jo very well. But there's it, you see — " 12 MAJOR Jones's i 'l^M^ '1 ''' ^""'^ ' " >^^" ^^'^"'t think I was gwine omer ?^? '''' "" '^'''^"^' "^''^ ^'°"' ^^'- ^^°""^- The old man laui^^hed rite out. ''Ha, ha, ha!" ses ' . ^1 K^^^!^^ ^°" ^' g^^'i"^ to take Prissy with you to New York, is it? Why, Majer," ses he to me, hamtyou got no better sense than to think of takin ?nf. Vi "" "IW "' ^^'^* '^^^^ y^"' to have her fall into the hands of them mfernal abolitionists?" "The mischief take the abolitionists," ses I- «T reckon they haint got nothing to do with none o: my niggers." ^ The old man shuck the ashes out of .is pipe, and laughed like he would split his sides WnT^V^^"''/"' '''^^' ^^'J"'"'" '''^^^ "you couldn't No^n.'p/'''^"' f^ '.^'^ '^1^^ y^^ &«t to New York. No, no! ' ses he; "not sich a likely gall as that. Uey'd have her out of yer hands quicker^ you could say Jack Robinson." *^ Prissy's eyes looked like sassers, and Mary and ^haUo sS '' '' ''" ^^"^' '""^ ^^y didnTknow Jl^^^' ^l^?^ Gummery!" ses Prissy, " urn wouldn't trouble me if I was long-a' Massa Jce, would dey ?" gomer>; " hey'd take you whether you was wiilin or not, in spite of yer Massa Joe, or an/body else." - But," ses Mary, " Prissy wouldn't leave us on no trXl 'K' T^'""'''^^ ^' r ^" ^' ^"ybody when she's well treated ; and I'm sure she couldn't be better taken care of no whar in the world." old'm^f "^'ulr^' ^'i TT'' ^^ difTerence," ses the Old man '' They wouldn't ax her nothing about it The fust thing you'd know she'd be gone, end then vou jnought as well look for a needle il a haylck, alto try to hnd a nigger in New York." Then he took^a paper out of his pocket and red whar '*«*«.■ ■■■(Art '■i-s.v*sas«i^TO:^Siie»3»ttlSlfe SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 13 "I my A gentleman had his nio;ger tuck from him, soraewhar in Providence, and carried rite ofT and put in jail. " Ki," ses Prissy, lookin like she was half scared out of her senses, "den I aint gwine to no New York, for dem pison ole bobolitionists for cotch me." " But aint ther no law for nigger stealin, at the north?" ses old Miss Stallins. "Law!" ses Mr. Mountgomery, "bless you, no! They've sold all ther niggers long ago, and got the money for 'em — so the law don't car'i whose niggers they steal." Mary sot and looked rite in the fire for 'bout a minit without sayin a word. I jest saw how it was. It wan't no use for me to think of her gwine with me, 'thout Prissy to take care of the baby ; and after what Mr. Mountgomery had sed to her, I mought jest as well try to git her to stick her hed in the fire as go to New York." I never thought of them bominable abolitionists before, and I never was so oudaciously put out with 'em. It was enough to make a man what wasn't principled agin swearin, cus like a trooper. Just to think — every thing reddy to start, and then to have the whole bisness' nocked rite in the head by them devils." " Well," ses Mary, " thar's a eend to my jurney to the north. I couldn't think of gwine a step without Prissy to take care of the child ; and spose I was to git sick,*too, way off 'mong strangers — what would I do without Prissy ?" " Oh ! it wouldn't never do in the world," ses old Miss Stallins. " But," ses Mr. Mountgomery, you could git plenty of servants at the north when you git thar." "What!" ses Mary; "trust my child with one of them good-for-nuthin free niggers.? wouldn't have one o^ 'em about me, siderashun. I never did see one of 'era what had pny No, indeed ! I not for no con- mm 14 MAJOR Jones's breedin, and they're all too plagy triflin to take care of themselves, let alone doin any thing else." " No ! but," ses the old man, " they've got plenty of white servants at the north, what you can hire foi little or nothing." " Goodness gracious !" ses old Miss Stallins ; " white servants ! Well, the Lord knows I wouldn't have none of 'em 'bout me." "Nor me neither," ses Mary. "It may do weli enuff for people what don't know the difference between niggers and white folks ; but I could never bear to see a white gall toatin my child about, and waitin on me like a nigger. It would hurt my conscience to keep anybody 'bout me in that condition, who was as white and as good as me." " That's right, my child," ses old Miss Stallins ; " no Christian lady could do no such thing, I don't care who they is." I know'd the jig was up, and I was like the boy what the calf run over — I didn't have a word to say. " But," ses Mr. Mountgomery, " the're brung up to it." " Well," ses Mary, " the more sin to them that brings 'era up to be servants. A servant, to be any account as a servant, is got to have a different kind of a spirit from other people ; and anybody that would make a nigger of a white child, because it was pore, hain't got no Christian principle in 'era." "But," ses Mr. Mountgomery, "you know, Mrs. Jones, when you're in Rome, you must do as Rome does. If the northern people choose to make niggers gentlemen, and their own children servants, you can't help that, you know." " Yes ; but," ses Mary, " niggers is niggers, and white folks is white folks, and 1 couldn't bear to see neither of 'em out of ther proper places. So, if I've got to have white servants to wait on me, or stay at I ■7 ■«iMl>a!l!M*»>«*«S!*';1l»^«l«»fW*»f SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. # 15 (( up, home, I'll never go out of old Georgia long as I live, that's what I wont." " Then, Mary," ses I, " is our journey to be busted shore enuff?" no, Joseph ; you can go, and I'll stay home with mother. Maybe I won't have many more summers to be with her, and I'd feel very bad afterwards, to think I neglected her when she was with us." The old woman put her arms round Mary's neck, and squeezed her til the tears come into her eyes. " My sweet, good daughter," ses she ; " bless your dear hart, you always was so kind to your pore old mother." That made Mary cry a little ; and little Harry, thinkm' something was the matter, sot up a squall, too, til his mother tuck him and talked to him a bit, and then Prissy come and carried him in tother room. I didn't know what to do. I always hate terribly to be backed out of any thing what I've sot my mind on ; but to go to the north without takin' Mary along, was something I didn't like to think about. But then, after all my 'rangements was made, and I'd shuck hands and bid good-by to 'most everybody in Pineville, it was too 'bominable bad to be disappinted thataway. But after a while I told Mary I'd stay home, too, and go some otb?r time. " No, no, Joseph," ses she ; " I know you want to go, and I want to have you go, cause it'd do you good to see the north and git acquainted with the world. When little Harry gits big enuff so he can take care of himself, then we can take a journey together in spite of tlie old abolitionists ; and then you'll know all about the country, and it'll be a great deal pleasanter for us all." " That's a fact ; Mrs. Jones is right, Majer," ses Mr. Mountgomery. " You'd better leave your famly ax home this time. You v . ■. be gone more'n a month 16 MAJOR JONES'S ait.' or so, and I reckon Mrs. Jones ain't afraid to trust yoa that long 'mong the Yanky galls." Mary blushed terrible. " But," ses I- " ! you ain't 'fraid of her runnin off with anybody fore you git back, is you ?" ses he. Then the old feller laughed like he would die. " Ain't you 'shamed, Mr. Mountgomery, to talk that- a-way ?" ses Mary. " You needn't be 'fraid of that, brother Joe," ses sister Calline, "for me and Kizzy '11 watch her mon- strous close while you're gone." " Shaw," ses I ; "you can't make me jealous." " Nor me, neither," ses Mary. Then old Mr. Mountgomery laughed till he knocked the lire out of his pipe all over liimself, and that sot the galls and all of 'em to laughin worse than ever. But I tell you what, Mr. Thompson, (and you're a married man and will blieve what I say,) I didn't feel much like laughin myself. I never did like this Yanky way of married people livin' all over creation without seein one another more'n once in a coon's age ; and the idee of 'gwine off and leavin' Mary, for a whole month, tuck all the rinkles out of my face whenever I tried to laugh. But the difficulty was, I couldn't help myself. If I staid home, I couldn't be contented about it, and all the fellers would be rigin me, 'cause I could'nt leave my wife long enough to go to the north. So I made up my mind to go anyhow, and make the best I could of it. Bimeby old Mr. Mountgomery 'lowed it was time to be gwine home ; so he bid us good-by, and promised to come and see me o(f to-morrow mornin. After the old man was gone we all sot round the fire and talked the thing over in a family way. Mary looked monstrous serious, but she's got too much good sense to make a fuss 'bout sich things. She ses I must nte SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 17 " ses mon- to her every day, and I must be very careful and not git shlpracked or blowed up in any of the steambotes or rail-rodes, and I must take care and not ketch no colds by exposin myself in the cold weather at the north, whar people, she ses, dies olTwith the consumption like sheep does "with the distemper. All our trunks has got to be overhauled and my things put by themselves, so I can't start til to-morrow mornin. I'm gwine as far as Augusty in my carriage, and then take the rail-rode to Charlston. If no other botherment don't turn up to pervent, you shall hear from me on my Travels pretty soon. So no more from Your frend, til deth, Jos. Jones. P. S. Prissy's raised a perfect panick 'mong the nig- gers on the plantation 'bout the abolitionists. Pore creeter, her hart's almost broke cause she can't go to the north with her misses and little massa Harry ; and I do bheve she's as fraid of the abolitionists as she is of the very old Nick himself. You ought to hear some of the niggers' descriptions of 'era. When Prissy told old Ned what Mr. Mountgomery sed — how they carried off all the niggers they could ketch, and put 'em in jail so they couldn't never go back to ther white folks, ses he to her — " Ki, gall, youna no tell dis nigger nulfm bout dem cattle ; cus 'em, me hear ole massa tell bout 'em fore you born. Aligator aint no suckemstance to 'em. 'Em got horns like billy-gote, and big red eyes like ball ob fire ; and 'em got grate long forkit tail like sea-sat pent, and jes kotch up pore nigger, same like me hook em trout. Ugh, chile, dey wusser'n collerymorbus." i 18 MAJOR JONES'S LETTER III. ita'i Augusty, Georgia, May 12, 1845. To Mr. Thompson : — Deai' Sir — This far I have tra- velled in the bowels of the land without any diffikilty, as Mr. Shakespeer ses ; but whether I'm gwine to git safe to my jurny's eend, or find myself like Jony in the bowels of a whale's belly before I git home agin, is a bisness what opens a fine field for speckelation, as the cotton byers ses. But that's neither here nor thar. I sot down to tell you 'bout my jurny to this city. Well, this mornin all the famly was up before the crack of day gettiii reddy for me to start. Evrything was reddy three or four days ago, but it seemed like the nearer the time come to start, the more ther was to do. Thar was old Miss Stallins in the kitchen raisin a harry cane among the niggers 'bout gettin breckfust for me — the niggers was all crazy 'bout my gwine away — Ned WdS rairin. and pitchin 'bout the lot cause one of Ihe little niggers let the horses git out of the stable — some of the har- ness was lent — old Simon had tack the tar-bucket off with him, so ther wasn't no way to grease the car- rige — Prissy upsot the tea-kittle, gittin some water for me to shave — Fanny tripped up and spilt all the biskits in the yard — the galls was lookin for the kee of my trunk, what couldn't be found no whar — little Harry was squallin like blazes cause he couldn't have on his new hat and cote and go with me in the carrige — and in the middle of the everlastin rumpus, I like to cut my nose off with the razer ! Bimeby though, things all settled down into a pretty considerable calm. Ned cotcht the horses — the harness was brung home — the wheels was greased — thp kee , if!txm~.?m tm%mm , SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 19 git IS a was found rite whar Mary had put it herself— little Harry stopped cryin — my nose stopped bieedin, and brockfust was sot ; but after all ther wasn't one could eat a mouthful, spite of all the 'swadin old Miss Stallins could do. Mary tuck on considerable, pore gall ; though she tried to hide it all she could. She didn't have much to say, but she looked monstrous droopy ; and when- ever I tried to cheer her up by tellin her I wouldn't stay no longer than I could help, her lips would sort o' quiver, and she'd turn round to tend to the baby or something ; but when she looked at me agin, her long eyelashes was damp with tears. Ah ! Mr. Thompson, me and you know how to predate the deep pure fount- ing from whar them tears flowed — we married men know how to vally the ever-gushin feelins of a true woman's hart, which, like the waters of the spring what no summer can't dry up and no winter freeze, is cool- est when the day is hottest and grows warmer when the world grows cold. I felt monstrous bad myself, but it wouldn't do to let on, for I knovv'd it would only make her worse. By this time old Mr. Mount'gomery, and cousin Pete, and a heap more nabors, and all the niggers on the plantation, was come to bid me good-by. Old Termi- nation, my driver, was mounted on the box, with his clean clothes on, and a bran new lash to his whip, the proudest nigger you ever did see. He couldn't notice none of the rest of 'em for his shirt collar, but if any of the little niggers come too close to his team, axin' him to by 'em something in Augusty, he was monstrous apt to anser 'em with a little tetch of the lash. When the trunks was tied on, and old Miss Stallms was sure ther wasn't nothin forgot— which she sed she kriow'd ther would be— I went through the shakin hands with the nabors. 11 20 MAJOR joNr:s's m it " Good by, Majer," ses old Mr. Mount|?oraery, ** I wish you a plesant jurny and a sale return." " Thank you," S3S I. " Good by, Joe," ses Pete—'* don't you git in no fuss with tlicm aboHtionists — if you do, old leiler, you won't find no frends thar, mind I tell you." '* Don't you fear for me," ses I — " Good by, and take care of yoiu'self." '* Good by, Majer," ses all of 'em, as they shuck my hand. Then here come all the niggers. Good by, Massa Joe," ses all of 'era. Good by," ses I, " and be good niggers till I come back." " Don't let none of dem pesky old bobolitionists kotch you, Massa Joe," ses Prissy. " Massa Joe, massa Joe, ant Moma say cum da!" ses one of the Httle niggers. Pore old Moma was the fust nigger my father ever owned. She's more'n a hundred years old now, and her bed's as white as the cotton she use' to pick for us when she was a gall. She's been monstrous porely this winter, and hain't been able to go out of her little house in the yard, whar she's lived ever sense she was too old to do anydiing on the plantation. She was 'fraid I was gwine off without bidden her good by, and that's the reason she sent for me. She was settin in the door when I went to her, and she raised her old dim eyes, almost while whh age, and looked at me. " Why, Massa Joe, God bless you; you gwine away widout tellin pore ole Moma good by? — ole Moma what use to nuss you, when you was leetle baby like leetle massa Harry. JVloma no able run after Massa Joe now — maybe ole Moma neber see you gin. Pore ole Moma, lib too long — make trouble for wdiite fokes ; but Moma's time mose come." " No, no, Moma," ses I, " you mustn't talk that- li.. 4. "Then cum the kif>i«in bigness. I took the worst job fust, and kicscd old Mi^s Stallins and mother.'" — Letter Hi. p. 21. % KKKTCIIKS OF TRAVI.L. 21 ♦ away. You know you niut no trouble to us, and you was always a f^ood servanl." The pore old creeter brightened up, and tried to smile. *' Good by, ^Fonin," ses I, as I tuck her pore old hand in mine; *' take good care of yourself till I cum home, and let your youn^ misses know whenever you want any thing, (jood by, old nigger." '* Bjcss ye, bless ye, Ak.ssa Joe — bless JNIiss Mary and leetle massa Harry. God bless you all — good by.'' The faithful old creeter tried to press my hand, but she was too weak, and when I let go her hand it drapt into her lap, and she follered me with her eyes as ihr as she coidil see me through her tears. Then cum the kissin bisness. I took the worst job fust, and kissed old Miss Stiillins and mother. I didn't mind kissin mother, cause it seemed all right and natural; but I always did hate to kiss old wimmin what hain't got no it'cth, and I was monstrous glad old Miss Stallins had her handkeichef to her face, for in the hurryment I kissed it, and the old woman was in such a Ihistration she didn't know her lips from any tiling else. I kissed the galls two or three times a jiiece, rite afore cousin Pete, who smacked his lips, and looked sort o' cross-eyed every time. But when I cum to look for Mary, she was gone in the house. Thar she was, sittin in her rockin chair, leanin her fiice on her hand, and the tears runnin down her cheeks in a stream. Wiien I got close to her she riz up and ]nil lier arms round my neck. 1 can't tell you what she sed, nor how many, nor how long, nor how sweet them kisses was. 'J'liem's famly ailairs, and ain't for nobody to know. After she dried her eyes as well as she could, she went with me to the cairige. Prissy was holdin litlle Harry reddy for his kiss. I tuck the little feller in my arms and gin him one good lor'^ 22 MAJOR Jones's f I squeeze, and then got in. Termination poppeu his whip and .-"way he went, leavin Mary and all of em cryiii cause I was gone, and the baby kickin anc' squallin like rath cause be couldn't go too. Sepavashuns is monstrous tryin things to peeple what ain't use to 'em, and I couldn't help feelin very soUum- colly all the way to Augusty. The rode is one of the lonesummest in the world, and I never was so put to it to keep my sperits up. Ther was nothm new or interrestin to attract my 'tention, and whenever I thought bout home the worse I felt. Mary's partm injunkshuns was still soundin in my ears, and when- ever I shut my eyes I could see her standm on the piazzy lookin after me, with the grate big tears runnin down her cheeks, and sparklin like dimonds in her curls, that was hangin in disorder 'bout her sweet face ; and then thar was little Harry puttin out his dear little arms and cry in like his hart would brake, cause he couldn't ride in the carriage with me. It wouldn't do to think of them thing?, so I t'-ied to sing, and the fust thing I know'd, I was hummin the song what begins : Ther's meetirs of pleasure and partins of !?rief, But a inconstant loveyer is worse nor a tnief ; A thief he will rob you, and steal all you have, But a inconstant loveyer'U take you to the grave. You mustn't think that song was suggested by any jellous fears on my part; no indeed, not by a jug full : but you know how wimmin will talk suratimes on sich occasions. They say a heap, jest to see what vou'U say. I got here about noon and stopped at the Globe Hotel, and sent Termination back liome with the car- ri«7e. Pore feller, he hated to leave me monstrous, and when he shuck hands with me, he couldn't hardly Koeak, and his eyes looked like two peeled unions r,«««*s«mtal««MWW?r SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 23 pea his em 1 of ' Lin anc )le what soUum- one of was so I nothin henever s partin 1 when- on the s runnin ; in her ;r sweet his dear Bj cause ivouldn't ing, and )ng what e. 1 by any jy a jug itimes on see what le Globe I the car- onstrous, I't hardly d unions swimrain in their own juice. " Good bye, Massa Joe," ses he, " but Jon't stay away from Miss Mary long, if you spec to see her live when you cum back." After dinner I tuck a walk down the street to see the town. Augusty's a monstrous pretty city, biit it ain't the place it used to was, not by a grate site. It seems like it was rottin off at both eends, and ain't growdn much in the middle ; and the market-houses what a few years ago you couldn't hardly see for the wagons, looks more like pretty considerable large mar- tin-boxes stnndin in the middle of the grate wide street, than places of bisness. The peeple that laid out the city must been monstrous w^ide betw^een the eyes, and made very large calculations for bisness ; for they've got it strelch'd out over ground enuff to make two or three sich towns, and Broad street, whar the stores is, is wide enufT for the merchants to charge exchange from one side to tother. I see by the papers that they're gwine to dig a big canal, as they call it, and turn the liver up stream into the common, so they can go into the mannyfacterin of cotton. That's a sort of bisness I don't know nothin about, and I can't say how it'll turn out, but there's one thing very cer- tain, and that is, if the Augusty people don't do some- thing to start bisness agoin agin, nil the houses in the city won't rent for enuff to feed 'ex.i. The fact is, if the people of Georgia don't take to makin homespun and sich truck for themselves, and quit their everlastin fuss 'bout the tariff and free trade, the fust thing they'll know, the best part of their popilation will be gone to the new States, and what'U be left won't be able to raise cotton enuff to pay for what tliey'll have to buv from the North. The fust man I met in Broad-street was Mr. Peleg. " Why, bellow, Majer Jones," ses he, " what's brung you to towm ?" I told him I was gwine to the North. 24 MAJOR JONES'S (C r!:< Well !" ses lie, " Mr.jer, you must spend a day with us, enny how, and I'll interduce you to some of my friends here. They're all admirers of your's, and would be very glad of a oppertunity to make your acquaintance." \Vell, I walked along with Mr. Peleg to his store, and on the way he interduced me to 'bout twenty gen- tlemen, most all of 'em Pelegs. 'Mong the rest, Mr. Peleg introduced me to Doctor Klag, perfesser of hor- ticulteral science in Augusty. ]\Ir. Peleg told me that tlie doctor was the greatest man in his line in them parts, for he could make trees grow twice in two places. Dr. Klag certainly looks like he might be a genus of some sort, and seems to be very much tuck up whh his perfession, for the fust thing he sed to me was some- thing 'bout cedars and arbor-vites, what he sed he'd warrant not to dy. Ther was some mistake about it, which wasn't very clearly explained by Mr. Peleg. The Doctor's got one very curious sort of a oyster- lookin eye, and tother one has a kind of sky-rakin look, so you can't tell what upon yeath he's lookin at. He sed he'd call agin, and Mr. Peleg and me stepped into a watch store whar ther was some more Pelegs, and then, rite next door, we went in whar ther was a lot more of 'em. They was all very glad to see me, and invited me to come up to Mr. Lampblack's that evenin, to hear a lecture on the moon, by some great perfesser, whose name I've forgot. They all seemed like monstrous clever fellers, but I couldn't see how upon yeath they was all named Pelegs, for they didn't look up more alike than any body else. But jest be- fore tea, my old frend Whiskers, what scared Mary so up to Athens, you know, (would you believe it, Mr. Thompson, every bit of his sorrel hair drap't out when he read that Athens letter of mine, and now it's grow'd all out as black as your hat!) come round to see me and told me aP about the Pelegs. # iftm,»iaix!iaf^*ii)^'Sf»mi»mm^ SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 25 and your stoi>\ Well, they is the devilishest set of fellers for playin tricks on peeple ever was trumped up any whar, you may depend. Every now and then they're ketchin up some green feller, and putti?i Mm throo, as they call it. I'll jest give you a instance. T'other day one of General Kittledrum's lutenants come over from South Carolina to git up a singin skool in Augusty. He brung his commishun from the Guvernor as a recommendation. That was enufT for the Pelegs, who tuck him in hand and soon got up all sorts of a skool for him. He had 'bout a hunderd of 'em down on his list, at tw^enty-five dollars a quarter, in no time. The feller was almost out of his senses at the idee of makin his fortin so soon, and was willin to do any thing the Pelegs sed was necessary to stablish his repetation as a music-master. In the fust place, they tuck him into a back room and made him put his liands on the globes, and swore him 'bout his faith in certain doctrinal pints which they sed was very imj:c.-tant in a singin master. One of 'em red out, in a very solem voice, bout the rain fallin upon the yeath forty days and forty nites ; and then another one sed to him, "Lutenant Odin, with your rite hand on the celestial globe and your left hand on the terestial globe, do you swar to that?" Ses he, "I do." Then they swore him bout Samson killin the Fillistines with the jaw-bone of a jackass, and bout Faro and his host gettin swallered up in the Red Sea, and a heap of other things. Then, after puttin him throo the manuel exercise for bout two owers, rite in the biilin sun, they sed he must give 'em a specymen of his vokel powers at the theatre, before all his skollers. Well, they rigged him out on the stage, and had him howlin all manner of meeters and kees, and givm ex- pianashuns, afore a whole theater fall of Pelegs, til] they got tired of the fun, when the fust thing the feller knowd, a man stepped on the stage, and rested him m 26 MAJOR Jones's I't for hos steelin, rite in the middle of Old Hunderd, on a high kee. The pore feller was skared almost to deth. and swore he never tuck a horse nor nothin else what didn't belong to him, in all his born days— he tuck out his comishun and show'd the guvernor's hand-ritin. But all he could do or say didn't signify nothin. The constable tuck him to a room whar the Pelegs hold their courts, and thar they put him throo a reglar trial, and made a convicted hos theaf out of him by the strono-est kind of testimony. Some of the Pelegs was his frends, and done all they could for him; but it was no use — he was condem'd to be hung according to Carolina law, and M^as to be sent to jail' to wait till the day of execu- tion. The pore feller trembled so he couldn't hardly stand, and the swet started out of his face like he'd been mawlin rails all day. His frends told him his only chance was to escape when they was takin him to jail, and promised that they'd try to git him loose from the constable, and then he must run across the bridge into Carolina as if the very old Harry was after him. Shore enuff, when they got him near the bridge, his frends got him away from the constable, and a straiter coat-tail than he made across that old bridge, was never seed in Georgia. And that's the lasl that's ever been seed or heard of Lutenant Odin, the sin^nn master. ^ 1 spected something wasn't rite when I seed so many of 'em ; but they know who to project with. They didn't git me to go to none of their lecters on the moon, mind I tell you. I'm gwine in the morning to Charleston. It's mon- strous late, and the rale-road starts before day-lighl. So no more from Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones. -4 ■',' *i**aiM»*'"-<»i»«*»w!ij»ae 4 iderd, on i to deth. ?lse what tuck out ind-ritin. n. The old their rial, and strongest s frends, use — he ina law, i" exccu- t hardly ike he'd him his 1 him to )se from e bridge :er him. Jge, his straiter ?e, t was that's i smgm io many They 2 moon, *s mon- ly-light. 3NES. SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 27 LETTER IV. Charleston, S. C, May 15, 1845 To Mr. Thompson: — I arriv here last evenin 'bout three o'clock, rite side up, all safe and sound. Fore day- light yesterday mornin the nigger at the hotel in Augusty nocked me up, and told me the omnibus for the railrode was vvaitin for me. I wasn't no time gettin reddy, and in a few minits I was ridin over the bridg what Luten- ant Odin clared so quick when he got loose from the Pelegs, on my way to the Carolina railrode. I never was in the land of shivelry before, and I had a good deal of curiosity to see what kind of a place it- was whar the people 'lived what they say all sneezes every time Mr. Calhoun takes snufi— and whar Ge- neral Kittledrum's men was born " with arms in ther hands," reddy and termined to take Texas from the Mexicans, whether or no. Well, my opinion is, if M Dickens was to see Hamburg he wouldn't find the same fault with it that he did with Boston. The white and red paint in Hamburg w^ouldn't hurt his eyes much, and when he went to sleep at night he might be monstrous certain that he'd find it thar in the mornin. The fact is, Hamburg is like the Irishman's horse — it is little but it's ould. . It was bilt long before the flood, and is got the marks of antlckuty in evry old rotten shingle, evry un- nailed clapboard, and in evry broken pane of glass. Don't misunderstand me, Mr. Thompson ; I ain't like some travellers into foreign parts, what takes pains to humbug ther readers 'bout evry grate city they visit, jest as if nobody was ever thar before. Not by no means. When mm 28 MAJOR JONES'S .ft i i I say Hamburg was bilt before thi> flood, I don't mean the flood what drownded out all creation cept old father Noey and his cargo of varmints, but I mean the flood of 1840, what overflowed the whole country from Shoolts's Rights to the Sand Hills in Georgia, setlin the fences and gin-houses a shassain and dancin hands-all- round with the pig-pens and chicken-coops of a thou- sand river plantations. The oldest inhabitants of Ham- burg is all antydeluvians, and some of 'em is sposed to be amfibious. History don't give any satisfactory ac- count of whar they cum from, but it's generally blieved that the illustrious founder of the city is one of the same Dutch of what tuck Holland. He's a monstrous man in his way, and though he didn't bild a ark — cause he had no warnin beforehand — he bilt a bridg what's stood a thousand thunderstorms and freshets, and all the floods sense the days of Noey couldn't tear it up. It was very early in the raornin when we druv through the city to the depo, and I couldn't form much of a opinion 'bout the bisness of the place. At that time o' day it was monstrous still and looked very much like a barn yard does when ther's hawks about. Jest before we got to the depo, ses the man what's captain of the omnibus, ses he, " Major, I'll take your fare, if you please." Cum 1o find out, he meant a half a dollar, for carryin me and my baggage to the railnxle. He's a monstrous clever little man, but a terrible politi- shan — so I paid him, and he soon sot us down on the platform by the cars. Ther was a considerable bustle and fuss bout the depo, gettin reddy to start. The passengers was gittin ther tickets and ther checks for ther baggage, what some fel- lers was nockin about like they would tear the hide oflC evry trunk ther was thar, stowin 'era away in the cars — • some people was runnin about biddin good-by with ther frends, and tellin 'em not to forgit a heap of things, and sum was kickin up a rumpus cause they couldn't see ther *^w SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 29 't mean d father le flood y from }tlin the iids-all- a thou- )f Ham- )osed to lory ac- blieved lie same 1 man in he had stood a 2 floods k'as very '. city to )n 'bout ^ it was irn yard what's ke your it a half ■ailrode. e politi- on the le (lepo, tin ther ome fel- lide off e cars — • vith ther igs, and see ther trunks after they was put in the cars. Bimeby evry thing was fixed, and here cum old Beelzebub, with his fire, smoke, sutbags and thunderalions, to carry us to Charlston. When I saw that everlastin, black, ugly thing cum chug up agin the cars for 'em to tackle it on, fizzin and fryin, and f-mokin like a tar kill, I thought how if I was a hos or a mule, I'd take my hat off to it. If ther ever was a thing what deserves a vote of thanks from all the pullin generation of animals, I think it's the locomotive ingine. Jest to think, the amount of hos flesh it has saved sense it tuck to carryin the mails. A loco- modv always seems to me to cum nearer a livin animal, than any other machine hivented by man, specially sense they've got to hollerin at the cows when they git on the track. It's a monstrous fractious, spiteful, headstrong sort of a creeter, and sumlimes it takes it into its hed to run oir the track, but generally speakin it's jest about as governable as any other team, and don't take no more to feed it accordin to its size and strength. I can't help but have a sort of feelin for 'era, and I wouldn't no more think of makin 'em go without givin 'em plenty of wood and water, than I would of makin my horses work widi- out givin 'em plenty of corn and fodder. Ling! ling! went the bell. "All aboard," ses the captain, and the next minit away we went with the thun- derinest rattlin, puflJin and snortin I ever did hear. In a few minits Hamburg was out of sight, and the pine trees went dancin along behind us, as if ther roots couldn't hold 'em in the ground when they saw us comin among em. Ther ain't nothin much to interest the traveller on the railrode from Hamburfr to Charlston ; and if a man can't find no company in his thoughts, he's monstrous apt to be lonesome. Along at the fust ther wasn't many passengers,, and most of them was preachers what had been up to Augusty to tend a convention. They was the dryest set of old codgers I ever met with, til the 30 MAJOR JONES'S yi'i jollin of the cars shuck up thcr idees a little, and then they foil to disputin about relioion like all rath. After awhile one old feller, what had his hed tied up with a red cotton handkerchef, and didn't belong to the same church with the rest of 'em, mixed in with 'em, and in about five minits they got into one of the hottest kind of argyments 'bout sprinklin and dippin. The old hard- shell laid about him like rath, and the louder the racket and the more dust the cars made, the louder the old feller fired away at 'em, and whenever he stopped for breth, two or three of the others was down on him like a Yankee thrasliin-mnchine. They kep up one everlastin string of argyment about forty-five miles long, and to them what sot a little ways off" from 'em, and could only hear a few words now and then, it sounded zactly like a reglar cussin match ; and sumtimes they'd look at one another like they meant jest what they sed. Bimeby the old hardshell caved in for want of breth, and all the rest of the w'ay he was hockin and hemin, and tryin to git the dust and sinders out of his wind-pipe. Evry now and then we stopped and tuck in more pas- sengers. 'Bout halfway to Charlston we tuck in two ladys and a little baby. One was a old lady, and she held the little boy, which was a butiful little feller, 'bout the size of my little Harry, in her lap. The other was a handsome young gall, and she was ciyin. You know how butiful a pretty woman looks when she's cryin, but you know that's the very time no gentleman ought to stare at 'em. Well, she tried to dry her eyes as fast as she could, but every now and then the tears would bust out agin in grate big drnps, and then she'd put her hand- kerchef to her face. Sumtimes she would look at a ring she had on her finger, and then the tears would come agin. I felt monstrous sorry for her, but I tried not to let her see me lookin at her. Bimeby a sort of skimrailk-lookin feller cum and tuck a seat rite close by her, and looked her rite-spang in the face, like he was SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 31 and then 1. After p with a the same n, and in test kind old hard- he racket ■ the old pped for him like n'erlastin J, and to 3u\(\ only ;tly like a i at one meby the [1 the rest to git the (lore pas- f in two and she ler, 'bout ther was ou know but to as fast as )uld bust lerhand- ook at a "s would t I tried 1 sort of close by ! he was rym, ought gwine to eat her up. The pore gall hadn't a very strong stummuck, I spose, and turned away from him. He fol- ler'd her, and she turned back again, and thar he was agin, with his everlastin sheep's eyes, lookin her rite in the face. Thinks I, drat your imperence, I wish tha* gall was my cousin. Just then she looked up to me as much as to say, Sir, did you ever see such insurance ? and I looked back to her, as much as to say, No, Miss, I'll be drat if I ever did ; and the next minit I gin the feller a sort of a cross-cut look, as much as to" say he was a infernal imperent puppy. He looked back that he begged my pardon, he didn't know she was any thing to me ; then I looked a kickin at him, if he didn't look out, and he looked tother way a little while, and then tuck himself ofT into another car. The young lady sot thar a minit or two, then looked the sweetest kind of a thank you, sir, to me, and went and tuck a seat by the side of the old lady. They talked together, and looked over now and then towards me. Nothing didn't turn up of interest on the w^ay, and bimeby I begun to see signs of town. The closer we got to Charlston, the thicker the plantations and houses begun to git. fcimeby I could see the steeples ; and in a few minits more we was roUin along among the little old frrime houses, til we got to the depo. And now the luss commenced. Sich a everlastin rumpus I never ' ^'^%e. Scon as the gates was open here cum a o iellers with whips in their hands, poppin and ^^out 'mong the passengers, axin us to go here thar, and whar's our baggage, and if we was to the boat, and more'n twenty thousand other questions before we could answer the fust one. The fust thing I knowd a feller had one of my trunks one way and another one had tother carryin it off in another direction, while two more was pullin the life out of my carpet bag to see which should have it. I shuck the two fellers otl" my trunks monstrous quick, and was jest and gwine 32 MAJOR JONES'S ■h. gW'ine to tackle the clinps what had my rarpct ba^ when who sliouhl I sec but my old fiend, Hill Wiley, what used to live up to the old Planters' Hotel, in Madison, you know. " Why, hellow, Majer," ses he, *' is that you?" " I blieve it is, Mr. Wiley," ses I, " but thar aint no tellin how long I'll last, if 1 don't git away from these oudaeious scamps." " Well," ses he, " Majer, jest pint out your baggage to Patrick here, and then toiler me." I show'd 'em to Patrick, and then went with INIr. Wiley and got into the omnibus, what tuck me, with a whole lot of other passengers, to the Charlston Hotel. When I got thar, they axd me to put my name down in a big book, and then it tuck me 'bout a ower to git the dust and smoke off' my face. As soon as I was done washin here oum three or four niggers with little short-handled brooms, and begun to sweep the very life out of me. I hollered at 'em and ax'd 'era what in the mischief they meant; ])ut they jest thrashed away as hard as they could lick it — first at me and then on their hands — keepin up the devlishest drummin I ever heard ; and the more I twisted and turned to try to git out of ther way, the harder they kep at it. }3imeby I sent one of 'em a lick aside of his bed, what put a stop to his fun, and the rest tuck the hint; but one tall yaller feller, what wanted to make a few extra flourishes, got a kick jest as he was leavin, that raised him right off the floor. 1 never did see the hke of 'em in all my born days. I do blieve they'd have a brush at a man if they had to throw him down and hold him. Mr. Wiley said it was all right, and that they was only tryin to git the dust off" me. That all mought be, but I don't see no sense in brushin the breth out of a man if he is got a little dust on his clothes. In the afternoon I tuck a walk over the. city to look at the fme bildins and the ships. I tell you what, ^, SKKTCIIES OF TRAVEL. 33 I Wiley, Iot( Ih r aint no m lliese )aggage nth I\rr. ', with a 1 Hotel, le down er to git as I was ■ith little very life at in the away as on their r heard ; t out of sent one ip to his er feller, )t a kick he floor. Jays. I ' had to id it was the dust no sense >t a little 1^ to look »u what, Charlston aint no fool of a city. Meeting street, and King street, and Market street, is very fine, and has got sum monstrous handsum bildins in 'em. The best part of the streets is too narrow and crooked, but Meetin^r street is a buiiful width, and from the Charlston Hotel down to the bay, has got sum as prettv views as I ever seed in any picter. After tea 1 went down to the place they call the J3attery. The wind was blowin monstrous stiff, and the waves from the sea cum rollin in and slashm the nasty salt water all over me. It was a very lonesum place, and smelled like a old shot-gun what hadn't been cleaned out for a long time. They tell me here it's nateral for the sea to smell so, and that people soon gits use to it, so they don't mind it. The place made me feel sort o' sollemcolly, and I started to go to the Hotel. It was sum time before I could find the way, and as I was walkin along in the moonlight, I passed lots of ladies and gentlemen. I heard^su'm sweet female voices and saw sum butiful faces which made me think of Mary, and by the time I got to the Hotel I was homesick as the mischief. I went to my room and tried to go to sleep ; but ther was a company of midshi])men and navy officers in the next room what hiid jest cum home from a long voyage, and they was drinkin wine and singin " we wont go home til* mor- nm," and makin speeches, and breakin glasses, so I couldn't sleep a bit ; and the merrier they was the worse I felt. This mornin I tuck another walk to look at the sol- diers. They had a general musterin of the shivelry here to bury a officer, and I tell you what's a fact, tharlston can parade a pretty respectable showin of the nation's bullworks. There was sum fust rate com- panys and a. good many fine lookin officers among 'em. ^ The Guvernor was thar in his regimentals, but I couUrnt see General Kittledrum. Ther was one little officer thar wiiat had so much military sperit in him 34 MAJOR JONESES that It put him cumpletely out of shape. He didn't stick more'n 'bout tlirce feet out of his boots, and he ooked hke a jack-knife that was opened so far that it bent over back. Its a terrible pity that he couldn't pjrow a htlle bigger, or simmer down his sperit a little more, for the sword is certainly too much for the skab- bard. They say he's a fust rate olHcer, only he's a little out of proportion. The fact is, we may say what we please, and laugh as much as we've a mind to, 'bout Carolina shivelry, but ther ain't no mistake about it, Carolina is a gallant little state, and every sun she's got's a soldier. I'd like to stay in Charlston two or three days, but I hain't got time now. When I cum back from New York I'll know more al)out cities, and then I can make up my mind better about Charlston. I'm gwine to Wilmington in the steamboat this afternoon. Pervidin she don't bust her biler, nor git blow'd to ballyhack by sum bominable harrycane, you will hear from me a^dn soon. So no more from ^ Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones. P. S. I've jest bought me a hickory stick what I'm gwine to toat, and it won't be well for these fellers to come pullin and haulin 'bout my baggage and brushin all the buttons oflf my clothes, wharever I stop in futer. You know I'm a peaceable man, but I can't stand evry 'hing. . -^ .' f ?3* ski:tciij;s oi-- tuavi:l. 36 lie didn't ots, and he 3 far that it he couldn't pcrit a little )r the skab- only he's a ay say what nd to, 'bout :e about it, ^ sun she's !e days, but from New I can make Q gwine to Pervidin allyhack by ra me agin 3. Jones. i. what I'm e fellers to ind brushin )p in futer. stand evry .4. •I LETTER V. Washincfton City, May IS, 18-15. To Mu. Thompson :—yA'fl!r »SV/- — I left off my last letter to you only a f(!W minits before the omnibus cum to take me from the llolel t(» the steambote. Well, I was a little behind the administration in gettin my trunks packed a^in, and cum monstrous nigh gettin left. But Patrick got me down to the wharf jest as the last ring was (lyin out of the bell, and in a few minits I was afloat on salt water for the fust time in my life. You must know I fell in a mill-pond once when I was a boy, and was pidled out by old nigger Ned, jest when I had 'bout tuck my last swaller, and I spose it's that what's always made me have sich a mortal dred of water whar I can't tetch bottom ever sense. I felt monslrous jubus 'bout gwine aboard, and if ther was any possible way of gettin round it I woukln't a run no sich risks you may depend. It was a butil'ul afternoon, and the passengers was all as lively as crickets, talkin and laughin and lookin at the city as the steambote went spaiikin along with her Hags a llyin, and her wheels tin-nin the sea into soapsuds, and leavin a white track in the water behind us. Ther was a heap of ships and steambotes all about— sum standin slill, sum gwine out and sum cumin in ; and little boats not bigger than a feedin-trough was dodgin all aboul, wiUi ther while sails a shhiin in the sun liice sand-hill cranes in a rice-field. The ci(y kep gettin smaller and smaller, til bimeby Fort Moultry, whar you know the Carolina boys licked (he British so'in the revo- lution, didn't look no bigger than a fodder-stack. I looked around for the shore, but the sky seemed to cum 1 .) 36 MAJOR jom:s s m i down to the water on every side, til it looked cs^ 1 ke the crystnl of my watch, 'thout a spot ot y^f^'^f one's foot on as far as my evrs could «ee. I he^u io feel monstrous skary, and I ;»on't bl.eve I ever Id l.^v sich loner brcths belore in all my born days. I do I lu e 1 thouoht of all the ship-racks I ever red of m my hte and I would a gin ten per-cent. of all 1 had m the world o had my life insured. I held on to the side ol the boat with both hands, and kep as fur oil ro.n the bile asl could. But the ladys and the little children dun t seem to mind it a bit, and after we was out oi sight of land about a ower I got a little over my skeer. T^imebv a nicr tune and I di.ln't eat much. Presides, ther was a sort of sickish feelin cum over me in the supper room, ancl 1 ^vent up on the roof agin as quick as 1 could to smo..e a se^ar, thinkin it mought make me (eel better. By thi^ time it was ni-ht, but die moon and s.ars was shinln above and l.elov.-l!>(" o:dy m.cum „ the sea and th<. he;,vens briu ihut d,e :-lars and innoa m ll:e .vuicr xvas dnmin and -ap^-Mr^ .b- ut lu. th-y vsas ou of 11, er senses, Nvlule theii. in d,e sky was wmkm and twinkliii in th.er old places as quietly r.nd sober as ever, i oot a li-ht for mv segar and was jest begmnin to smoke ^vhen a nigger felh-r cum up to me, and ses l.e :^^ " xMassa no smokin lowed aft the machmery. "The mischief ther ain't!" ses I, and I went away back to the hind eend of the boat and tuck a seat and commenced a rioht good smoke to myself. But I hadn been thar more'n a minit before here cum tne mggtr feller agin. SXETCHLS 01- 1 HAVEL. forard," *' You musen't smnlce aft the machinery," ses he. *' Well," ses 1, " I ain't near yer machinery." **■ No ; but," se.s he, "you is aft." ''Aft what?" ses I. ^'The place for gentlemen to smoke is ses he. " We'l," ses I, ''my bnek, I don't understand your ffn)rish, but if you'll jest show me wliar I can smoke ihout any danger to your machinery, I'll go thar." Whh that the bominable fool begun to snicker, til he seed my cane was lakin the measure of his hed for a nock down, when he straitened up the pucker of his face and sed — " Cum this way, sir ; this is the forard deck, massa.'* I ibllc'red him over to the fore eend of the boat, whar sum more genTienien was smokin. I hadn't tetched a drap of licker in a coon's age, but I was never so put to to walk strait in my life. Sumhow I couhhi't make no sort of calkelation for the floor — one minit it was up to my knee, and the next step I couldn't hardly reach it — • and my legs kep giftin mix(;'d up and tangled so I didn't know one from tother. All the passengers seemed like they was tite — sum of 'em. looked monstrous serious, and one or two was caskadin over the side of the boat into the sea with all iher might. I felt a little sort o' swimmy in the lied myself, and I begun to spicion I was geltin sea-sick, so I tuck a seat by the side of the boat and smoked my segar to setlh,' my stummick. V\'ell, thar 1 sot and smoked lil all the passengers wen{ down into the bed-room to sleej). It was a butiild night, and the scene was jest the kind to set a man's brains a thinkin. The sea is a roomy place and tber's nothin thar to prevent one's givin free scope to his imagination ■ — it's a mighly thing, the sea is, and if a man don't feel some sublime emotions in its jiresence, it's because nis hed works is on a monstrous small scale. Thar it was, the great, the everlastin ocean, dressed out in its star-bespan- gled night-gowH; dancin to the soft music of the sighin ■iH^i 38 MAJOR JONKS'S ^1 winds, and the liquid cadence of its cvcr-sp]asl..n waves ; while down deep in its coral caverns the whales and porpoises was spoutin ther love ditties to ther sweotliarts, and the maremaids was piittin ther hair in curl to break the harts of the youn^y sea-hoses. It was monstrous still— the monotonous splashin of the wheels, the ^rruiitin and ^roanin of the ingine, the rushin of the foau), and the rumblin and squeakin of the timbers of the boat, all keepin time together, made a sort of noisy sih'nce that fell negatively on the ear. I leaned over the side and looked at the fiery foam, as it rolled spark- lin away from the bow: but it faded from the face of the sea while I looked at it, and a few yards behind us ther remained no track of our passage. I felt alone on the vast ocean, and a feelin of isolation cum over me, which, fore I got rid of it, made the boat seem no big- ger than a teapot, and myself about the size of a young seed-tick. I could preached a sermon on the sublimity of creation, and the insignificance of man and his works, but 1 had no congregation then, and it's too late now. I don't know what made me think of home — but sum- how I felt like I'd gin a heap to be thar. I thought of the butifid bright eyes that was closed in sleep on ray j)illar, and the dear little cub that was nestled in my l)lace. Bless Iher dear souls — perhaps they was dreaniin of nie that very minit — perhaps I was never to see 'em in this world again. These thoughts made me feel mon- strous bail, and the more I reflected about it, the worse I felt, til 1 blieve I would gin all I had in the world jest to be sure I wouldn't die belbre I got back. ]5in\("hy, I thought, I'd try to go to sleep, so I well down into Uie bed-room, and tried it. But it was no go. I got into one of the little boxes, what they call berths, but I couldn't stay born no way I could lix it. in tlie first i)lace I couldn't git stowed away no how, and in the next place, whenever I shut my eyes, it seemed like the boat was whirlin round and round like a tread-wheel. I got ii]) agin, juid went up stairs, and * SKRTCIIES OF TRAVKL 39 una smoked another scgar, til I got pretty tired, and then I went ni the gentlemen's parlor, and stretched myself on one of the seats. I fell asleep thar sumtime between that and daylight, and never waked up til most breck- fust tnne the ne\t mornin, when they sed we was in Cape Fear, gwi t- right up to Wilmington. Cape Fear ^" a very fine river, and ther's some fine plantations ? A houses on the banks when you o-it near to WilmiiT .on. Pretty soon afier breckfust we" got in sight of ue city, and a few minits afterwards we was long side the wharf, and the niggers was cartin our baggage up the hill to the raih-ode"^. Wilmington pre- sents 'bout as curious a aspect from the rivcT, as any other town in my knowins. The fust thing you see is everlastin piles of turpentine barrels, piled up on the wharf in evry direction, and on the vessels in the river. That's the front rank. The next is a plattoon of wind' mills, enufr to lick all the J3oii Quicksots in Spain. In them they bile the spirits of turpentine out of the gum. The rare rank— and that's scattered all over the hill— is made up of houses, and old brick walls and chimneys of houses what's been burnt down, with here and thar a few more barrels of turpentine. They've had two or three fires here lately, what's burnt up the best part of the town ; but I don't wonder at it, for I would as soon think of puttin out a powder-house as a place what's so perfectly soaked with turpentine. All I wonder at is that the river don't ketch a fire too. ' We waited about a ower in Wilmington, which afforded us a opportunity of lookin about a little. After travellin over it, and lookin at sura very handsum bild- ms, among which was the new Piscopal Church, a mon- strous pretty bildin, we went back to the cars. When we got thar, I ax'd a nigger fellar whar I could git sum segars, and he told me to go into a house what stood nte over a branch, on stilts 'bout twenty feet high, whar he sed Lucy Ann would sell 'em to me. Well I went into the house, and ses I, " Is Lucy Ann here ?" I 40 MAJOR Jones's " Dat's ray name," scd a liltle oullaiitlish person with a coat and britches on. *' I want to see Lucy Ann," ses I. " Dat's me," ses he. " What shall I have the plal- sure to sell you to day, ha?" I looked up at the old feller's whity-hrown soit of a face, and ses I, "I don't spose it makes any dillerenee, but they told me Lucy Ann kep this store." "Well, sarc, my name be Lucy Ann; I keep dis store, and sell you sum vaiy line orange, banana, soda- water, and so forth." I bought sum segars and sum oranges and went out, but I couldn't help thinkin ther was sum mistake about it. If Lucy Ann was a woman, her pearance and dress wasn't very flatterin to the North Carolina nails. Bimeby the bell rung, and the passengers was all aboard agin in the cars. The lokymotiye man pulled the wire what sot the steam agwine, and away we went, licky-teklink, rite among the tar and turpentine what was strung all along the road, evry here and thar, for most a hundred miles. Like all the southern rodes this railrode don't run through the most interestin part of the country, so it wouldn't be fair to judge of the old North State by what one sees on the railrode. The country ain't much else but one everlasiin turpentine plantation; and all one can see for miles, is millions upon millions of pine trees with the bark half off, and the white tur- pentine runnin down ther sides, and lookin like so many tall ghosts standin in the dark shade, with ther windin- sheets on. The rode runs through a very level country, and is the straitest in the world — haying a single stretch of upwards of seventy miles without a single bend m it. The cars ain't quite so stylish as them on the Georgia Railrode, but the conducters is very obligin, attentive, clever men, and git along with as few accidents as any other conducters in the world, only they don't low no Nmokin in the cars. We got to Weldon a little after dark, and thar we SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 41 tuck a very ^-ood supper. Ilore we bouglit tickets agin, and thcr was a bi£( lat feller Ihar what seemed termined to make us all go the Bay route, as he called it, whether we would or no. He banged all the fellers to talk I ever heard in all my born days, lie got ahed of evry- body else, passengers and all ; and when I told him I'd be very glad to commodate hiin, only I wanted to "o by Washington; he sed, he'd be dad fetched if he didn't have the seat of government moved down on the Bay, jest for the commodalion of the public what travels on his line. lie's a monstrous good agent, and ought to be well paid for his trouble. I didn't git much good sleep the night before, in the steam bote, and by the time we got to Petersburg, I was pretty well done over, and I never was so glad in my life to go to bed. I remember sumthing 'bout gettin up the next mornin fore daylight, and gettin in a omni- bus, and then gettin in sum more cars, and whizzin along through Virginy like a streak of ligthnin. Towns and bridges, and rivers, and mountings went whirlin past us so rapid that I hadn't no timeto ax any thinnr about 'em. Like Cassio when he got sober, *'' I re- member a heap of things, but nothin very pertickelerly," from the time I went to bed in Petersburg, til I found myself in tlie steambole on the Potomac gwine to Washington. These railrodes play the misclief with a man's obser- vations. One mought as well try to count the fethers in a pigeon's tail wlien he's on the wing, as to look at the country he's travellin through in the railrode cars. He gits a kind of tlyin panorama of trees and houses, and towns and rivers, and fenses and bridges, all mixed up together — one runnin into totlier, and another begin- nin before the last one's left off— so he can't make lied nor tail lo 'em. And when he does stop a niinit he's so pestered with liack-drivers and porters, that he hain't liardly got time to buy liis ticket or eat his breckfust, let alone doin any thing else. I was anxious to have a ] 42 MAJOR JONES S good look at the Old Domir ion, for a good many rea- sons—I wanted to see the state whar my father and mother was born, and what had priven birth to the great Washington. But I had sich a bominable pore chance, I don't blieve I'd know aiiy more about Virginy when I see it agin, than Captain Marryat did about America when he went home to write his everlastin book of lies. The Potomac is a .?ioble river ; and as ther wns no waves to set the bote a rolHn, I had a fust ra<^r, -^ ^.poe to look at the scenery on its banks. I never s^ git my feelins when the bell rung to let us know v.o was near Washington's grave, at Mt. Vernon. I felt that it was a grate privilege to be allowed to look at that sacred spet, where the ashes of the father of his country was reposin— to look at the mound of yeath that had taken to itself the noble form in which had centred so much vii'tue, so much patriotism, so much valor, so much wisdom, so much of evry thing that ennobles human nater. I remembered how on the bosom of the very stream on which I was, a British fleet once floated, and that when they passed the grave of our country's sainted hero, they lowered ther proud banner, in token of respect to the illustrious ded — and when I thought of that, it made me half forgive 'em for destroyin ?he city that bore his name. Fort Washington stands high up on the bank, and looks down monstrous sassy ; and I reckon if the John Bull's was to try that game agin, they'd find the Potomac sum what rougher navigashun now than it was then. In a few minits more we was in sight of Washington city, with the great umbrella top of the Capitol loomin up into the heavens, grand, gloomy, and peculiar. We wasn't long gettin to the wharf, and after a terrible encounter with 'bout five hundred cab-men and porters, I^made out to git my baggage into a hack and druv to Gadsby's hotel, whar I got a good sujjper and soon went to bed. I dreamed all nif^ht of cofr-whecls and stciim-in£rines SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 43 . — sumtimcs my bed was fi car, then it was a steambote, and then it was a omnibus, but it was gwine all the time, at the rate of twenly-llve miles a owcr. My brains hain't got more'n 'bout half settled yet, so you must excuse this monstrous pore letter. I hope to git regelated in a day or two, and then I will tell you sum- thing 'bout Washington City and its lyons. No more from Your frend td deth, Jos. Jones, 1 44 MA J on JONES'S LETTER VI. Washin?2;ton City, May 19, 1815. To ]Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — It was pretty hito belore I got up this mornin, and then it was 'bout a ower beibre I found my way down stairs after I did git up. You hain't no idee what a everlastin heap of rooms and passages and stair-ways ther is to these big hotels, and to a person what aint use to 'em it's 'bout as dilh- It to navie^ate through 'em as it is to find one's way cul out of a Florida hammock. As soon as I got my breekfast I sot out for the Capitol, what stands on the hiJI, at the upper eend of the Avenue, as they call it, which is a grate wide street runnin rite through the middle of the city. When I looked up to it — from the street — it seemed like it wasn't more'n twenty yards off, but before I got to it I was pretty tired walkin.' Tlu- g^ite^ was open, and I walked into the yard, and follered round the butiful paved walks til I cum to the steps. Tlie yard, round the bildin, is all laid off in squares and dimontls, jest like Mary's (lower- garden, and is all sot out with trees. Rite in fruntof the bildin, on the side towards the city, is a curious kijid of a monument, standin in a basin of water, with little babys and angels, all cut out of solid marble, standin all round on the corners of it, pintin up to a old eagle what looks like he'd gone to roost on the top of it._ It's a very pretty thing, and the water what it stands in is full of little red fishes, ]Jjayin all about as lively as tadpoles in a mill pond. I looked at the monument sum time, and red sum of th.^ names on it, but sum I couldn't make out and the rest I've forgot. After gwine up two or three more pair of stone stairs, I cum to the door of the Capitol. I couldn't see nobody 4 A SKETCHES OF TRAVEL 45 so I nocked (wo ir three times, but nobody didn't n nockod a!j;in with my I fill • ' I -m- . ^ Com- m s on, tlie l^aplism of I'ocahonl.s and the Pdgruu fXi^'oh board Ihor ship. 1 could looked a 'cm a ^^-hole dity, but I had so much to see and so 1 Ule tunc to spare, {hat I only gin 'em a P^^^^;"^^^;^";^'^;;^^^^^ ^^e IVunobv I went up to a chap ^vhat was sitm by me doo;"^tlfabooWn his hand, and ax'd him whar the government was. " Who ?" ses he. , „ u The irovernment," ses I,-" Polk and Dalhis » Oh, ses he, the President is at home at bis^house, I beUeve, but 1 don't know whar Mr. DaUas is. " Don't the President Hve here ? ses 1. » i^o .1 '' ses he. " lie lives in the White House at the othe,' eend of the Avenue. Tins is the ^Capitol wh'ir Cono-ress sets, but it aiiit m session now. "Be^^^^^^^^^^ sir," ses I,'' I thought the govern^ mcnt all lived at the Capitol." " Your a stranger here then, it seems " ses he ' My business is to show strangers over the Capitol. Do you wish to see it ?' , ,, t // i tm " That's jest -Ahat I cum here, for," ses I, ' ami 1 .1 like very much to see whar Congress makes the laws. " Verv well," ses he, " jest foUer me. Well he led the way ami I foUered up stairs and down throu-h passages and round pillars and corners, uX a'ches^and ove?roufs, through the Senate Chambei- the Hall of the Representatives, and ever so many olhces Td committee rooms, til he brung me out on the top of he dome. I never was so high up in the ^vorld belore Thar was the " city of magnl:-ent distances," .tie aly stretched out at my foet, and I looked ^o»« upon the dig- nitaries of the land. I was indeed elevated above Presi- den and Cabinets, and Ministers of State. Houses ooked ke martin boxes, men looked no bigj;er than seed-ticks and carriages and horses went crawhn «lo>'f °^f '« Iround like a couple of ants draggin a dead blue bottle. 1^ ^ I SICKTCllHS 01- TRAVICL. 47 7) and A The eye ranges over half the nation; Virginy and Maryhmd comes into the ten miles sfjuare, and the Po- tomae looks like a litth' braneh runnin through a meadow of trees ; while the Tiber don't look no more like " the angry Tiber chafing with its shores" in which Julias Ca.'sar and Mr. Cassius went a swimmin with ther clothes on, than our duck pond does like the Atlantic Ocean. Well, after takin a good look from Uie dome, I follered the man what keeps die Capitol, down agin into the Ro- tunda, and ax'd him what was to pay for his trouble. " Nothing at all," ses he, and then he told me whar the statues was on the eastern Portico, and pinted out the place w!iar they kept Mr. Greenough's Washing- ton. I went out on the portico, and what do you think, Mr. Thompson ! the very firj^t tiling I seed was a woman without so much as a pettycoat on ! Not a real live woman, but one cut out of marble, jest as nateral as life itself. Thar she ^vas, sort of half standin and half squattin by the side of a man dressed off in armour and hold in a round ball hi his hand. At first I never was so tuck aback in my life, and I looked all round to see if anybody was lookin at me. I couldn't helji but look at it, though it did make me feel sort o' shamed all alone by myself. Every now and then somebody would cum by, and then I would walk off and look totlier way. liut sunihow I couldn't go away. The more I looked at it the handsumer it got, til bimeby I seemed to forgit every other thought in the contemplation of its beauty. Ther was sumthing so chaste, and cold, and pure about that beautiful figure, that I begun to be in love with it, and I couldn't help but think'if I was Columbus and wasn't marble myself, I'd be tempted to give her a hu' now and then, if she loas a squaw. I went down olf the portico and took a front view of it — and dien .1 looked at it sideways — and then I went up the stejxs and looked atitthar agin, and every way it presented a image of beauty to dream of years to come. Bimeby the galls i H\ 11 I I 48 MAJOtt JONKS'S the C.pU„l one 'VP"' f'^ ''^^,^, ,„■ Wnr. They "re ,l,e oiher .ene.M -^l'";\ ,1 ,,^,,s \,is l.e.l liWe » ,S'■"■ l,o,h very l.nm ^»m''- „^l^ / . , tmn, nn.l I'e.ee U.uliS ,i,,„ sl,e «oul.ln't l.';rt ^"> -^ ' ,,,, ,,„„e!,.nv l.Ue is sn,ne;\,iiit! la.ne -.ilw i '^»' i ;\r,,r lookni M then. .. ^■ 'U 1 .^, ^j,. (;,,,,„. .vhnl: sands m the y;na ami t'.^^^_^^ ^^^^^^^^ j _,^,^„ ouM.'s \Va>hn,:j;on, ami to - » > ^^^^^^^^, ,,.,^ ,„,„c was so (lisappmlecl m m) > • ,,,„. ,,,„ ,i,„c tenihle ba,l lanhs, ami "" 'J^, '„ ,|,e artist, ereates ,„ stu,ly and '""^'-'^^'t ,:,:,,,. In .he hist I'l^-;-^ ;,„V ,l,i„:.^ b.,t a '^^•"'■;; . '^:HM|.ecl.a,ae.er ot W.-sh- ,1,^. posi.lo,. ,s ""•;» ^i7, Vt le ensu>.ae is «-o,se than ,n.^.on ; in the second ;'' ' ,,^, „„,„„, is not good, „,eposi.io.>,..nd '»,''';;:'!;' S';',ressio.. of the faee. „„a destroys the '^^^^J^^ ,,,Lt it, to ,ny not.on. Ther ain't nothing ^^''^^ "^f"^^^^ The idea of putjjn^ '^"'" " "|\ wl. entitled to be a riaiculoas ; as il he ^va^n t ' -' ";,' j.li.is Ca'sar or any ,,,,e of his age "" ^-^ r\'v ,n ther was no tailor. oilier Ho.nan hero IS ol the a , ,„„,„,,, to ,nako CO.WS. It ma. le "^ ' ;' '; .y^^^ veneration ,,, , ...V W- •-.;•"_; -- l^c'r of ^^•ashin.t".t which Americans iul lor in ^ ^^,,,„,^ is shocked at the exposure ''' j^ ,,,,„, like a de- ,verv tlnob «as for h'^ <"'!"''• '.^^.v than as ho 'secration to represent hnn ^^^^Z^^ -'"-■■•'''".^ was, Nvhen he was a'^;'^ ; '"; ' ^^ ^|,,ign, the elliet is h„posin a,ul grand .n ^^^^^ the^eharacter of the destroyed by the Y"'"' "'';,>„„ ,„y ,,rei..dices agin ,„.,„. I tr.e.l my best to mu ' ^„f.,, ,,1, wo.l<, hnt ^wk ^^^r SKKtCHKS OF TKAVKL. 49 lolion. rton,is bi" a or any tailors' looked le rat ion liinutou , wl'.ose > a (le- 1 as he iiie'ihiiv^ L'lrcct is }r of the ces agin ■ork, hut r hjok at 4 Columbus and his Ingin gall, before I went down to my hotel. After dinner, I went to see the President, up to the Wiute Jiouse as they call il, what stands at tlie other ecnd of the Avenue. All aloii^e f)r foolish. If ther's any truth in the science of iVenology, it must fii't'ct the Capitol in the same way it does a man's skull, and I don't doubt that a lite scientitic Yankee professor Ih' SKETCHKS OF TRAVEL. 63 could discover the bumps by feelin the walls of the bildin, and could tell \vhat organ was developed the most. Lately the organ of secretiveness has been pretty strongly developed, and sense we've pocketed Texas, ther ain't no tell in whar we'll stop. Combattiveness, too — which is very })rorninent, if you notice the projec- tions on the north and south side of the dome — is very active ; and I wouldn't be much surprised if we was to lick sum nation like blazes before long. If it wasn't for the excess of veneration which is indicated by the fullness of the dome on the top, we'd been monstrous apt to pitch'd into John Bull before now. Too much \eneration is a very bad tault, but maybe it's all the belter whar ther's so much combattiveness. I ain't much of a iienologist myself, or I'd go on and give you a full description of Uncle Sam's knowledge-box. I think ther ought to be a scientific committee appinted evry session to make out a complete chart of its bumps, so the people might know what to depend on. I couldn't leave the Capitol 'thout gwine round and takin one more look at the Ingin gall on the East Portico. Like all butiful wimen, she looked handsumer in the soft, pale moonlight, than she did in the daytime. The outlines and shadows was not so hard ; ther was siimlhing dreamy and indistinct about her form, and the 'magination was allowed a freer scope in givin the finishin touches to the picter. You know all that is necessary to create in the mind a image of buty, is the mere idee of a woman, with a object for the 'magina- tion to work on. Ther are certain times when a man's 'magination will make a angel out of a bed-post. Well, as I gazed at her, she seemed to becurn livin flesh and blood ; and, as she looked at Columbus. Uoopin over, with her hands raised in a attitude of ft'imder, I almost fancied I could hear her say — " Chris- tolcr! why don't you speak to me?" I tiick a long, long look at her, and then went to the hotel to dream 01 Mary. 54 MAJOR JONES'S i«;; l! In the mornin, ns soon as I got my Ijrorkfusl, I went to see the Nnshunnl Institute, wliar llicy toltl nio the government kep all its curiosities. Since as they hadn't the politeness to tell me to cum in when I nocked at the dore of the Capitol yesterday, I tuck it for granted the government was too democratic republican to stand on ceremony; so I didn't nock this time, but jest walked rite in. Well, when I got up stairs, the fust room I got into was the patent-office, whar, the Lord knows, I seed more Yankee contraj-.tions of one kind and another, than ever I thought ther was in the known world. Tlier was more'n five hundred thousand models, all piled up in greiirt big glass cages, with ther names writ on 'em, rangin from steam saw-mills down to mouse- traps. Ther was ingines, wind-mills, and water-wheels ; steam-botes, ships, bridges, cotton-gins, and ihrashin- machines ; printin-presses, spinnin-ginnies, weavin- looms, and sliingle-splinteis — all on a small scale. JJut it would take a whole letter to give you the names of one half of 'em. I didn't understand much about 'em, and so I went into another room whar they had a ever- lastin lot of shells, and stones, and ores, and lish, and birds, and varmints, and images, and so forth, what was brung home from the North pole, by the explorin expedition. I spose, to sum people, what can find *' sermons in stones and good in any thing," these things, what cost the government so much to git 'em, would be very interestin ; but 1 hain't got quite fur enutr in the ologies for that yet — so I went into another apartment, whar they keep the relics of the revolution and other curiosities. This is the most interestin part of the show, and contains a heap of things that must always be objects of the deepest interest to Americans. 'Mong the rest is Gen. Washington's military cote ; the same cote that has been gazed on by so many millions of adorin eyes, when it enveloped the form of the great father of his country. It made me have very strange feelins to look upon General Washington's clothes — it SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 55 u caused in my mind Die most familiar impression of that great man I had ever I'elt, and which no paintin or statue could ever give. I was looKin upon what had been a portion of the real, livin Washington ; and I almost felt as if I was in his presence., Close by hung the sword, and below was the camp-chest what he used in the war of the Revolution. What a sight! to behold in one glance the garment that sheltered his sacred person, the provision-chest, cracked and shattered in the great con- llict, and the sword with which he won for us the bless- ings of liberty, which we enjoy. How many thou- sands, in centuries to come, will look upon the remains of these sacred relics, and bless the memory of the great and good man. Not far from Washington's cote, in a case by itself, if5 the cote what General Jackson wore at the battle of New Orleans. I stopped and looked at it with feel ins of sincere veneration. Few would suppose the victory of New Orleans w^as won in sich a coarse cote — but it is like the lion-harted hero who wore it — corse, strong, and honest, without tinsel or false gloss. It looks like the (Jeneral, and will be preserved as a priceless relic of the brave old patriot, whose days are now drawin to a close. I never voted for General Jackson, cause I thought his politics was wrong ; but I always b^Iit^ved him to be a honest man, and a true patriot, and I don't blieve ther's a lokyfoky in the land that's prouder of his fiime, or will hear of his deth with more unfeigned sadness. Ther's a heap of other curioshies in this part of the bildin, that is well worth the attention of the visiter. Among the rest is Gen. Washinglon's Commisshun, and the original Declaration of Independence, besides trea- ties in all sorts of outlandish languaeemed to be hitched sumwhar, and the blinds didn't move a bit. I wasn't more'n done pu lin it, before sumbody nocked at my dore, and as 1 didn t know who it mought be, I covered up good, and ses I ''Cumin," , i .i r A ni'Tn-er feller opened the dore anu stood thar tor 'bout a^'minit, lookin at me like \:^. wanted sumthmg, 'thout sayin a word. . . " Well, buck," ses I, " what's the matter," beginnin to think h.; had a monstrous siniit of imperence. " I cum to see what the gemmen wants," ses he. " Well," ses I, " I don't want nothin." H'^ looked sort o' sideways at me and put out. After studyiii a bit to try to make out what upon ycath could bruntj: him to my room, I put my hand out and tried the curtains agin; and the fust thing I know d here cum the same chap back agin. This time I looked at him pretty sharp, and ses I— '' What upon yeath do you mean "'* \M "i :)5 f sKi:Tcni:s of travel. 61 I i r f With Hint he l)('2;Mn bowin and scrnpin and scratchm nis lied, and sos lie — 'vDuhi't. you rinij, sir?" " Kirit^ wiiat ?" ses I. " Your beil," ses he. I was begiiHiin to git pretty considerable riled, and 5es I — " I don't carry no bell, but I can jest tell you what it is, my buck: it" you ^o to cumin any of yer free nip^njer nonsense over nie, I'll ring yer cusseil neck olf quicker'n li^litnin." And with that I started to p;it out of the bed, but tber was no nijyger thar when my I'eet tetehed the floor. It was too dark to "dress, so I tuck another pull or two at the blinds ; and while I w as pullin and jerkin at 'em, here cams another big nigger, to know what I wanted. l)y this time 1 begun to spicion thar was sumthing rong; and shore enull", cufn to iind out, I'd been puUin a bell- rope all the time, what kep up a terrible ringin down stairs, tiiough I couldn't hear the least sign of it myself. I'd seed them things hangin round in the rooms at the Charleston Hotel, and at Gadsby's, but I never know'd wiiat they was betbre. Well, thinks I, live and larn — ril know a bell-rope when I see it agin. Alter luidin my way down stairs I went in the barber's room and got shaved, and I do blieve if it hadn't been so early in the morniii, I should went spang to sleep while liiily was takin my beard olf. That feller's a real magne m ^ u\ 70 MAJOR JONESES ;i P! LETTER IX. No. 27 Exchange Hotel, Baltimore, May 2a, 1846. To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — I've always found that it was the best way to make '* good digestion wait on appetite and helth on both," as Mr. McBeth ses, to stir about a little after eatin a harty bate. So after eatin the excellent dinner at the Exchange, what I told you about in my last letter, I tuck another turn round through the city. By this time I begun to git the hang of the place a little better, and wasn't so fraid of gettin lost. I turned up South street a': ihcy call it, wharlher's more tailors than would make a dozen common men — even if the old maxim is true, which I never did blieve — and went up Baltimore street agin, whar the fine stores is kep, and whar the galls all go a shoppin and perminadin in the afternoons to show ther nev/ dresses. Well, sir, I can tell you what's a positiv fact, It would take a French dancin master to git along in Baltimore street without runnin aginsumbody, and even he couldn't shassay his way round through the troops of galls with- out runnin a fowl of one now and then, or rakin his shins all to pieces on the pine boxes what is piled all along the sidewalk, after you git above Charles street. I done the very best dodgin I could, but every now and then I run spang agin sumbody, and then while I was bowiii and scrapin a apology to 'em, ten to one if I didn't knock sum baby over m the gutter what -was cumin along with its ma, behind me, or git ray cote-tail fast in among the crates and boxes so tite that I run a monstrous risk of losin it bowdaciously. But I wasn't the only one SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 71 v.;hat got hung--two or three galls got ther dresses hitched up, on the nails and hoops, so ihcy blushed as red as fire, and a old gentleman with a broad-brimmed hat, and his stockins over his trowses, tumbled over a wheel-barrow rite into a pile of boxes and tore his clothes drediul. It tuck the old man sum time to gether him- self up, and git out of the jam he was in. When he got out he never cussed a word, but he fetched a ^ IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 [flM IIM 2.2 LI 1^ 1^ 2.0 1.8 Photographic Sciences brporation /. ^/ 1.25 ^ 1 :.4 1.6 ^ 6" ». 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. 14580 (716) 872-4503 I I I P|, MAJOR JONES'S •we would have less sound and more sense, less for Buncura and more for the country in ther speeches in our Capitol at Washington. After iookin about the old hall, I went up stairs into the steeple, whar the bell still hangs what was cast by order of Congress, to proclaim liberty to the world. It is cracked and ruined, and like the walls in which it hangs, the monuments and statues and paintins, and every other relic of them days, it remains a silent memento of the past, and as such it should be preserved as long as the metal of which it is made will stick to- gether. After takin a good look at it and readin the inscription on it, I went up higher in the steeple, and tuck a look at the city. Well, I thought thar was brick and morter enough under my eyes at one time when I was on the Washington monument in Baltimore ; but, sir, Balti- more, large as it is, ain't a primin to Filladelfy. I could see nothin but one eternal mass of houses on every side. On the east, I could see the Delaware, what divided the city from the houses on the Jersey side, but on the north and south, it was impossible to see the eend of 'em. They stretched out for miles, until you couldn't tell one from another, and then the confused mass of chimneys, roofs and steeples, seemed to mingle in the gray obscure of the smoky horizon. The streets run north and south, east and west, at right angles, as strait and level as the rows in a cotton patch. The fact is, I can't compare the city to any thing else but one everlastin big chess board, covered with pieces. The churches with steeples, answerin for castles, the State-house, Exchange and other public bilclins, for kings, the Banks for bishops, the Theatres and Hotels for knights, and so on down til you cum to the private houses, which would do to stand for counters. The only difficulty in the comparison is that ther ain't no room to move — the game bein com- pletely blocked or checkmated every whar, except round SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 85 the edges, and whar ther is now and then a square left for a public walk. I was standin thar ruminatin and wonderin at the great city that was stretched out at my feet and thinkin to myself what a heap of happiness and misery, wealth and poverty, virtue and vice it contained, and how if I was a Asmodeus what a iiiterestin panorama it would afford me, when the fast thing I know'd I cum in a ace of jumpin spang off the steeple into the tree-toi)S below. Whang ! w^ent something rite close by me, with a noise louder^than a fifty-six pounder, that made the old steeple totter and creak as if it was gvvine all to pieces. I grabbed hold of the railins and held on to 'em with all my might, til I tuck seven of them allfired licks, every one of°which I thought would nock my senses out of me. It jarred my veiy inards, and made me so deaf I couldn't'hear myself think for a ower afterwards. Come to find out it was the town clock strikin in the steej)le rite over my head. It was a monstrous lucky thing for me that it wasn't no later, for I do believe if it had been ten or leven o'clock it would been the deth of me. As soon as I got able to travel I cum down out of that place and went through Independence Square, what's right in the rear of the State House, to Wash- ington Square. This is said to be the handsumest public square in the world — it certainly is the handsumest I ever seed, and I do blieve that on this occasion ther wasn't that spot of earth on the whole globe that could compare with it. I don't mean the square itself, though that is handsura enuff in all conscience, with its butiful gravelled walks, its handsum grass-plats, its shady trees, and ellegant iron fence, that would cost more itself than all the houses in Pineville— but what I mean is the scene what I saw in the square. If there was one I do blieve ther was fifteen hundred to two thousand child i en in the square at one time, ah rangin from two to seven and eight years old, and all dressed in the most butiful style. Thar they was. little 86 MAJOR JONES S galls and boys, all playin and movin about in every direction— some jumpin the rope, some rollin hoops, nere a party cf little galls dancin the polker, and tliar another playin at battledoor or the graces— some runnin races and some walkin, some of 'em butiful as little Coopids, and all as merry and sprightly as crickets. It was a kind of juvenile swoirec, as they call 'em here, and I never did see any little creaters that seemed to enjoy themselves so much. I never seed so many children together before in all ray life, and it seemed to me ther wasn't a sickly one among 'em. Perhaps the sickly ones couldn't come out when the wether was so cool. But if they was a fair specemen of the chihlren of Filladelfy, then I can say there aint a city in the world that can beat her for handsum, clean, well-dressed, healthy-lookin children. Ther was lots of nurses among 'em to take care of 'em, and now and then you could see a pair of little nijxgers tryin to mix in with 'em ; but it w^as no go, and the pore little blackys had to sneak round the corners and look on like pore folks at a frol- lick, the little children not bein sufficiently edicated yet to enable them to discover their equals in the sable de- scendants of Africa. While I w^as lookin about in the square who should I see but the famous Count Barraty, what was out to Pineville you know about two years ago lecturein on Greece. Thar he was with the same old shaggy locks and big moustaches, stand in near a groop of servant galls, with his arms folded, lookin on in the attitude of Bonaparte at St. Helleny. Poor old feller I couldn't help but pity him, when I thought w^hat terrible vicissi- tudes he has passed through sense he was in Georgia. You know when he left Pineville he told us we would hear from him in the papers, and in less than a month we did hear from him shore enufT in the Pickyune, what gin a account of that terrible encounter he had with a cowhide in the hands of sum gentleman in ISew Orleans, whose lady didn't understand Greek enuff to enable her to so cL in la th to T af di hj r m F SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 87 to appreciate his foreign manners. The count don't wear so much jewelry now as he use to in Georgia, and his clothes look a little seedy. Bathe's the same old Count in every other respect. As soon as he seed me he re- laxed the austerity of his moustaches and went out of the square. Bimeby the swoiree was over, and the nurses begun to gether up ther charges and prepare for gwine home. The merry laugh and ':ong soon died away, and troop after troop of httle people filed out of the gates in every direction, until the square was entirely deserted. It was tea time and I went to my hotel. Sense tea I have rit you this letter, informin you of my arrival here. I'm gwine to bed early to-night, and if it don't rain to- morrow I'm gwine to take a early start and see what Filladelfy's made out of before nite. So no more from Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones. i I I IM; ' I i • n S8 MAJOR JONES'S LETTER XL To Mr. Tiiompso fashion no\v-a-( 'hey git marrie Filladclfy, May 24, 1845. jj : — Dear Sir — You know it's the _ for young people at the south, when ^^,^j ^ _, to start rite off to the north before the preacher has hardly had time to bless 'em. Well, I never could make out what they done so for— I never could see why they couldn't stay at home til they got rite well acquainted with one another before they went whar they wouldn't see nothing but strangers. One thing I do know though, and that is, they nor nobody else don't come to these big cities to sleep ; for if the seven sleepers themselves was to put up in one of these northern hotels, they'd have to take a dose of lodnum to save ther reputations. The omnibusses and carriages, and drays and carts, seems all the time like one ever- lastin harrycane, roarin and rattlin, and crashin and smashin along over the stones from mornin til night, and from night til mornin ; and I don't care if they put you seven stories high, you can hear 'em all the time, and you can't sleep a wink, if you're ever so tired, til you learn to sleep with your ears open, and to dream 'bout bein in sich a infernal racket that you can't hear yourself snore. • I aint very certain whether I waked up at all or not this mornin, but I got up to breckfast, and after sprucin up a little, I went out to see the city. Gwine along up to Sixth street, who should I meet but Mr. More, what you know was out to Pineville winter before last, tra- vellin for his helth. You remember he was almost ded with the consumption, and looked like he was bleeged SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 89 to carry rocks in his pockets to keep the ^vind from blowin him away. Well, would you blieve it, he's a sound and well man, and looks this day as if he mought live to be a hundred years old. I never seed such a alteration in any body in my life, and I wouldn't have know'd him from Adam if he hadn't spoke to me fust. " Why, Major Jones," ses he, " how are you— how d'ye do ? I'm so glad to see you. How's Mrs. Jones and the baby, and all of 'em ?" , I looked at liim right hard while he was shakm my hand, and ses I, *' You've got the advantage of me, Sir. "Why, don't you know me. Major— More's my name— don't you remember More, what used to come to your plantation after ?" " To be sure," ses I. " But is it possible ? Why you don't look like the same man. I never should have know'd you agin in the world. What upon yeath has brung you out so ?" , , i . " Why, major, when I cum back almost ded last summer, I tuck to drinkin " " Taint possible, Mr. More ; is you bloated up so .-' ses I. " Oh no," ses he, " I didn't take to drinkin licker. I drunk 'bout fifteen bottles of Schenck's Pulmonic Syrup, and you see what it's done for me." " Is it possible ?" ses I. , , . r " Yes " ses he " I weigh a hundred and thirty-nve pounds now, and'i'm indebted to Schenck's Syrup for all but my bones. But no more about that," ses ne. *' Whar are you gwine, and what can I do for you. Is yer famly along ?" ,. , • r i " No " ses I, " Tm jest on a little trip of observation to the north, and am only gwine to stay a day or two to look at your city." „ • , x " Well," ses he, "then you'll jest walk with mc to the Exchange. When I git through a little bisness I ve If ^d my money, I'm 'termined to see it out. But I hadn't begun to git sleepy before «p v-ent he curtain agin, and the racket commenced. Shore enul, ?ha was the baby grow'd to be a grate b.g -ga 1, and Mr Thadeus, as fat as e^■er, was thar smgm love to her They've both been with the gipseys ever sense, an, she's fell in love with the fat Polander. 'I he queen ol SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 101 , rd a , corn- iT four Duse at r-glass, They le chap 'ite the insttous ) to his t'ussion the hed ; til that more of ;y won't ' always refreshin '^ery im- the per- his spy ?r tune beg the Georgia I can set f money, went the Dve enutr, -gall, and ve to her. ense, and queen ol the gipseys agrees to the match, and the raggymuffins has a grand froUick and dance on the occasion. 'Bout this time a Miss Nancy sort of a feller, what's sum relation to the Governor, comes projectin about among the gipseys, falls in love with the Bohemian gall, and wants her.to have him. The gipsey queen, who seems to have sum spite agin the pore gall, steals a medal from the booby lover, and puts it on her neck ; when the feller, findin he can't git her to have nothin to say to him, has her tuck up for stealin, and carried before' the governor. The governor, who's had the blues like . the mischief ever sense he lost his baby, is 'bout gwine to punish her, when he finds out by some mark that she is his own daughter. Then he sings to her a heap, and she sings to him, and he takes her home to his palace, and wants her to marry his booby relation. But she's got better sense ; besides, she's hard and fast in love with Mr. Thadeus, and won't have nobody else. Her father won't consent for her to marry a wanderin gip- sey, and thar's the mischief to pay, wdth singin enufi'for a dozen camp-meetins, all mixed up so nobody can't tell hed nor tail to it. 'Bout this time, Mr. Thadeus shows the governor his last tailor's bill, or sumthing else, that proves to his excellency that he was a gentle- man once, and he gives his consent to the match. Mr. Thadeus and the i3ohemian gall is monstrous happy, and old Devil's-hooif and the governor and all of 'em is takin another sing, when the queen of the gipseys puts up one of her vagabones to shoot Mrs. Thadeus that is to be ; but the feller bein a monstrous bad shot misses her and kills the queen, which puts a stop to her singin, though the rest of 'em sing away til the curtain draps. And that's the eend of the opery of the Bohemian Gall. I hain't got the squeelin and howlin and screechin of them 'bomir ?"'V? gipseys out of my hed yet, and [ blieve if I was to live to be a hundred years old I k M.^ '. wouldnH go to anothei opery. unless it was one that I \ ' M] • *.l fc. fc' 102 MAJOR Jones's didn't have no singin in it. I like a good song as well as anybody, and have got jest as good a ear for musick as the nex man, but I hain't got no notion of heann Uventy or thirty men and xvimmin al singin togethe n .perfect harrycane of noisy discord, so a body can toll xvhether th.^'re singin "Had Columbia'; or ' Old Hundred." Ther is sich a thing as overdoin any thmg; and if you want to spile the best thmg m the world ?hat' the surest way to do it. Well, for peeple what a n't good for much else but music like thelrench, Germans, and Italians, a opery full of sobs and duetts and quar etts and choruses, as they call 'em, would do very well, if they would only talk a little now and hen so a body could know what they was singin about. Bat to sing evry thing, so that a character can t say, i'Come to^upper, ySir excellency !" without bawlm out— " Co-ho-ho-me to-oo-oo sup-up-up-e-e-er, your-r-r ex-cel-len-cy," with about five hundred dimmy-simmy nuivers, so nobody can't tell whether he was called to supper, or whethe? he was told that his daddy was ded, s all nonsense. Let 'em sing whar ther is any senti- ment-any thing to sing about-but when ther is only a word or two that is necessary to the understandin ot ^vhat comes after or goes before; «»f ^^ 1^^^^ ^"l^ words enuff to make a stave of musick, what s the use of discruisin 'em so that ther ain't neither sense nor mu- ''Mbod^what never seed a opery before would swar they was evry one either drunk or crazy as loons, it they ^vas to see 'em in one of ther grand lung-tearin, car- bustin blowouts. Fust one begins singm and makin all sorts of motions at another, then the other one sets in and tries to drown the noise of the fust, then two or three more takes sides with the fust one, and then sum more lines in with number two, til bimeby the ^^'hole crowd gits at it, each one tryin to out-squa 1 the other, and to make more motions than the rest. I-hat sets he fiddlers a-goin harder and harder— the singers straiten if! SKETCHES OF TRAVETi. 103 out Iher necks .md open ther mouths like So many car- pet-bags — the fiddlers scrape away as if they was gwine to saw their fiddles in two, wakin up the ghosts of all the cats that ever was made into fiddle-strings, and makin the awfulest faces, as it' it was ther own entrels they was sawin on — the clarineters and trumpeters swell and blow^ like bellowses, til their eyes stick out of ther beds like brass buttons on a lether trunk, and the drummer nocks away as if his salvation depended on nockin in the bed of his drum. By this time the roarin tempest of wind and sound surges and sweeps through the house like a equinoctial harrycane, risin higher and higher and giltin louder and stronger, til it almost blows the roof off the bildin, and you feel like dodgin the fallin rafters. For my part I shall have to go to singin-school a long time, and larn the keys from the pianissimo of the musketer's trumpet, up to the crashin fortissimo of a clap of thunder, before I shall have any taste for a grand opery. I've always had a great curiosity to see how the free niggers git along in the Northern States, So after breckfust this mornin, I ax'd the man what keeps the books at the hotel whar was the best place to see 'em ; for I'd heard gentlemen what had been in Filladelfy say that ther was whole squares in this city whar nobody but niggers lived. The book-keeper told me if I wanted to see free niggers in all ther glory, I must go down Sixth street til I come to 'em. Well, I started, and sure enuff, I hadn't gone many squares before I begun to smell 'em, and never will I forgit the sight I saw dow^n in Small street, and sum otlfer streets in that neighborhood. Gracious knows, if anybody wants to git ther simpathies excited for the pore nigger, all they have got to do is to go to this part of Filladelfy. I've been on the big rice plantashuns in Georgia, and I've seed large gangs of niggers that had the meanest kind of masters, but I never seed any pore creaters in sich a state of retchedness in all my life. 1 \ i'H if' 1 . » It i .'I • > 104 MAJOR JONES'S ii !M I ; t" couldn't help but feel sorry for 'em, anil if I was able, I'd been willin to paid the passage of the whole gene- ration of 'em to Georgia, whar they could git good masters that would make the young ones work, and would take care of the old ones. Thar they was, covered with rags and dirt, livin in houses and cellars, without hardly any furniture ; and sum of 'era without dores or winders. Pore, miserable, sickly-lookin creaters! it was enuffto make a abolition- ist's hart ake to see 'em crawlin out of the damp straw of the cellars, to sun themselves on the cellar-dores til they got able to start out to beg or steal sumthing to eat, while them that was able was cussin and fightin about what little they had. You couldn't hardly tell the men from the wimmin for ther rngs ; and many of 'em was diseased and bloated up like frogs, and lay sprawlin about like so many cooters in a mud-hole, whh ther red eyes peepin out of ther dark rooms and cellars like lizards in a pile of rotten logs. This, thinks I, is nigger freedom ; this is the condi- tion to which the filanihropists of the North wants to bring the happy black peeple of the South ! Well, one of two things is certain : — either the abolitionists is a grand set of hippocritical scoundrels, or they are totally ignorant of the condition of the slaves what they want to git away from ther masters. Materially considered, the niggers of Georgia is as much better off* than the jiiggers of Pensylvany, as the pore peeple of America is''better off* than the pore peeple of Ireland; and, morally considered, the advantage is equally as great in favor of the slaves of the South over the pore free nig- gers of the North. For whar social equallity cannot possibly exist, the black peeple are miserable jest in the degree that they approach to equality in wealth and edication with the whites, and are enabled to under- stand their degraded position. What's the use to talk about equallity when no such thing exists. Ther is as much prejudice agin coler here as any whar else. A ^':H,, SKETCHES OF TRAVEL, 105 l)ocly sees that in tlier cliurches, and theatres, and courts, and evrywhar else. Nobody here dial has any respect for Uifmstlves, treats a nigger as ther equal, ex- cept a lew fannyticks, and they oidy do it to give the lie to ther own feelins, and to insult the feelins ot others. At the South, the relation between the two races is un- derstood by both parties, and a while man ain't at all jealous of the pretensions of his servants ; but here, Iher is a constant jealous enrnity existin between the whites whose occupations brings 'em in contact with 'em, and the niggers, who is all the time aspirin to a social equuUity, what they never can attain til ther wool grows strait and ther skins Hide white. The races is, naturally, social antagonists, and it is only in the rela- tion of master and servant that they can exist peace- ably together. Then, unless the abolitionists can put 'em back into Africa whar they come from, in a better condition than they was when they found 'em, or unless they is willin to take ther turn bein servants, they better let ''em alone. .,..., For my part, I've got as much feelin lor the niggers as anybody can have ; but sense they ar^ here among us and I've got to live with 'em, I prefer bem master myself and treatin 'em well, to lettin them be masters and takin the chances of ther treatin me well. But one thing is monstrous certain, if my niggers wasn I better off and happyer on my plantation than these Northern free niggers is, I wouldn't own 'em a single day longer. My ^niggers has got plenty of hog and liommony to eat, and plenty of good comfortable clothes to wear, and no debts to pay, with no more work than what is good for ther hellh ; and if that ain't better than freedom, with rags, dirt, starvation, doctor's bills, law- suits, and the five thousand other glorious privdeges and responsibilities of free nigger citizenship, without the hope of ever turnin white and becomin equal with ther superiors, then I ain't no filossofer. After lookin into sum streets that I wouldn t risk my «■ y "■I i >; ■ i u i 106 MAJOR JONES'S life in gwine through, and seein scenes of destitution and misery enufT to make one's very hart sick, I went back to my hotel. I spent the rest of the day lookin about over the city with Mr. More, who wanted me to go to the opery with him agin. But I couldn't stand that, and after tea I paid my l)ill and got all reddy to leave for New York to-morrow mornin, bright and early. In a few hours more I will be in the great Gotham. No more from Your trend til deth, Jos. Jones. ; IT lir m '^ SKblTCIlES OF TUAVKL. 107 I LETTER XIIT. New Vurk, June 2, 1845. To Mil. Thompson -.—Dear Sir— I arriv in this city, all safe and sound, yeslcrday af.ernoon about three o'clock, but to tell you the truth, if I had cum up minus my coat-tail, or even a leg or arm, after sich a everlastm racket as 1 have been in ever sense I left I illadelty, i wouldn't been much surprised. As for coUectin my senses and gitin my mind composed so as to know my- self or any thing else certain, 1 don't never expect to do it, as long as I'm in this great whirlpool oi livin beins. i . • Vi. u r A little circumstance happened to me last night, betore I had been here only a few hours, that sot me back a little the worst. I never was so oudaciously tuck m in all my born days, and if you had heard me cus about it you'd thought I was turned a real Hottentot sure enuir But to begin whar I left oif in my last letter. 'I'he porter at the United States Hotel waked me up early in the mornin, and I got to the steamboat jest in time. It was a butiful bright mornin and the store- keepers was openin ther stores, while the servant galls was scrubbin the dore-steps of the houses and washin oH' the pavements in front of 'em. I looked at em as I rode along in the hack, and I couldn't help fee m sorry to see such^butiful, rosy-cheeked white galls, down in the dirt and slop in the streets, doin work that is only fit for niggers. They say here that they aint nothmg but slewers-but I seed sum that I would tuck for re spectable white galls if I had seed 'em m Georgia Slewers or whatever they is, they is my own color, and a few dollars would make 'em as good as ther mistresses, ,1 in ft mi m, il-i 'I in f ;:•«■ ¥ 1 i *^ ■ » i' ti' •i 108 MAJOR JONES'S in the esliraation of them that turns up ther noses at 'era now. The Delaware is a noble river, and Filladelfy is a city worthy to stand on its hunks. From the deck of the steamboat we had a splendid panaramic view of it, as we passed block after block, the streets runniii up from the water's edge, strait as a bee line, and alfordin us •glimpses of tiie line liouses and elegant public bildins thai makes Filladelfy one of the liandsumest cities in the world. But, long as it is, we was soon past it, and in a few minits its numerous steeples and towers and masts faded away in the distance, and we turned our eyes on the butiful country on both sides of the river. Butiful farm houses and bright-lookin little towns was most all the time in site, till we got to the })lace what they call Bristol, whar we tuck the cars to New York. The railroad runs along on the bank of a canal part of the way, crosses the river on a splendid bridge, and passes through Trenton, Princeton, Newark, and a heap of other towns in New Jersey, til it gits to Jersey City, what stands on the Hudson river, opposite to the city of New York. Well, when we got to Jersey City, we all got out and scrambled through the crowd as well as we could to the boat what was thar to take us across the river to New York. When we got up to the gate what encloses the wharf we could see the hackmen and porters peepin at us through the palins, like so many wild varmints in a big cage, ready and eager to devour us and our bag- gage too. I tuck my cane tight in my hand and kep a sharp eye on 'em, determined to defen j myself to the last. As soon as the gates was open we riishc I for the* boat and they rushed at us. Sich ai.-niK m- hcilabaloo I never did see before, and I expected every minit to see sumbody git spilled overboard into the river. I found it wasn't no use to try to keep 'em off with- (T'l'- noekin sum of 'em in the lied, and then I would « ]y be like the fox in the spellin book, ready to be SKETCHES OV TRAVEL. 109 « Will you give ine your ^'"•'•l';- ]." j „;, ■-._,ii of ,,, ,w ulo .slullins, M. .0 »y ,.- "'J -^^^^^^^^^ „„ ■nn luuiiUii tlin- nuxU lo in. .U once j „.i„ U,e .uW of tWe boat and >";,'^,«^ >,,^;^" i^'^^M me tome, witboul sayLu a »,"'^''/ „^' ,'^ eoul.ln't u»- for u,y checks I was deal and dm, and cou .^^^ ^^^^ .ierslaod a word bey sed ■ t s ^"'1 ^.-^^^ e„,„du. cue ;i;'° -•, -:^''; . ;'^. ;;S make notbiug s.gus to me, td tl ty '"^ ""'';{, ^ ,„,„ new vieti.n. out or me, aud d,ou tUuj ^f '^^ " ' .j ,„„.i,u,nt lookin Among the passengers iher «-'^ ' ,"";^^'\„^ ;„ „,i„d feller, wdh green spectacles on what pu n^ of a Georgia »'-"" ''"^'l'^' jl^l^" 'b "t evrjth.ug. he know'd H,ore '" "■ > ^'"i^.^'Loay all the way on He was gabb.n «'»'.'■' V,.,",,?dirYin his best lo git the steamboat, and in 'l^'^'" ''.;',, 'lo.lv One would up a argyment 'bo.it - If'-;^ ,« ge lo„r.l, to hear supposed he owned halt the Mr,B 't. ^^ ^ ,jg hi,. > talk about it, and when n« got o" t ^ 'J J ,^^^-^ ^vas the bissyest man in the "";\^' ^'^'"^'^i, j j< -^ in a among the hackmen and l-.f- j'^^Vcrowd whal was ""''t 'Tn ™un7th "bfg- - Ike dies round a fat gathered ""^\;„';';,no^^kh. Irishman cum up to me, courd. bimeDy a iH>"C3i 1 ,, ^j. . 11 r tike vour bag- Ld ses he handin - -;^-, „^" ^ h™':* Idepend- S-'S-^'.^'f, • f ll f re 3 I 'nn him my cheeks, and once in the feller s face, anu i o"' ,,„•'„„„ out safe i„ he went for my trunks In I'^^^^'l'T sn," ses a,„l sound with one of,^-",-. ^^^^^"^tand. and it was he, " til I g.t the o her I tuck my st .^^^^^ jest as much as I could do to Keep t everlastm it off with me on top of it. /' ^ ""' f}^' ,ie,i,s was rumpus I couldn't hear ™y^f ' ''"^^^ ,unnin bout and callin out the numbers-evryb^ody was runmn lookin after ther baggage, children was cryin, I M ,11 4 I ■1\ ^t< If mII N ': •i> f 110 MAJOR J0:,ES'S was callin for ther husbands to look out for ther band- boxes— hackraen and porters washollerin and shoutin at the people and at one another— whips was stickin in your eyes evry way you turned— and trunks, and carpet bags and boxes was tumblin and rollin in every direction rakin your shins and niashin vour toes in spite of all yoii could do. Jn the middle'of the fuss thar was old Ptpperpod, wiUi his old cotton umbereller in his hand elbowni his way into the crowd and whoopin and hollerin over evrybody else til he disappeared in the middle of em. In about a minit here he cum agin, cusin and cavortin enutf to sink the boat, with a pair of old saddle bags m one hand, sura pieces of whalebone and part ot the handle of his urnbreller in the other, his hat gone and his coat-tail split clear up to the collar. He was mad as a hornit, and swore he would prosecute the com- pany for five thousand dollars damages for salt and bat- tery and manslaughter in the second decrree. He cut a terrible figer, but evrybody was too bl'ssy to lauo-h at him. I thought to myself that his perseverance was porely rewarded that time. I sot thar and waited til nearly everybody was o-one trom the boat, and til my Irishman had picked up all the other customers he could git, before he come and tuck my trunk and told me to fuller him to his hack. Alter cumin in a ace of gettin run over three or four times, I got to the hack, what was standin in the middle ot bout hve hundred more hacks and drays, all mixed up with the bowsprits and yards of ships that was stickin out over the edge of the wharves and pokin ther eends almost into the winders of the stores. The hackman ax d me w^hat hotel I wanted to go to. I told him to take me whar the southern travel stopped. " That's the American," ses he, and after waitin til the way opened so we could git out, we druv to the American Hotel on Uroadway, rite opposite to the Park. It was 'bout three o'clock when I got to the Hotel, and after brushin and scrubbin a little of the dust off, SKKTCIIES OF TRAVEL. Ill ind eitlin my dinner, I luck a turn out into the great Brtadway, Ihnt I've heard so much about, ever sense I was big enuir to read the newspapers, to see if it w tn "it thicker and faster and more of em the longei waUed Ul bimeby I begun to diseover that they was Iwine both w.ys, and that it was no procession at all, rutTesrone eveilastin stream of peeple passm up an, dowi the street, cumin from all parts oi ereat.on, and rrwino Loi'd onlv kuows whar. ., , t r i u = I mix'd in with 'em, but I tell you what I found it ,„v, tvnvelliii The fact s a chicken-coop Sru;^" 1 cxict tofloat down the S.wannah river Tafe and no't git nocked to P-ces 1^- ^e dnt^ wood as for a person what aint used to it to expect to g, Ingin BrLdway without get.in losded ™m one side to fother at every step, and pushed ' ''o *e f eet about three times a minit. A body must wa.ch ine curents and eddies, and foUer'em and keep up with 'ein IhTy don't want to git run over by the crowd or nock d „V tl,„ ^irlpwalk to be ground into mince-meat by the eriattm^'^-s. Intiiefustplac^^ lo Lro UP Broadway on the left hand side ot he pave ^^,\!uU mougilt jest - -^l^f^V^ll^f d^cWn in Ihe falls of TaUula. In spite of all the dodgui l what was "l" wine as fast as if ther houses was afire ilcTw s runnin for the doctor. And it I happened ^;t^;io.katanyU,ingUiefustJ^^ v-as jammed out among the omm}Ou.sL,, 1^ »i ll % 112 MAJOR JONES S ;ones like one eternal noise like iieaven and eath was cumin together. Tlien ther was the carriages dashin and whirlin along over th train of railroad cars, makin a } and hacks and market wagons and milk carts, rippin and tearin along in every direction — the drivers hollerin and poppin ther whips — the peeplc talkin to one another as if ther lungs was made out of sole leather— soldiers marchin wuh bands of music, beatin ther drums, and blowin and slidin ther tromboons and trumpets with all ther might — all together makin noise enutf to drive the very old Nick him'self out of his senses. It was more than I could stand— my dander begun to git up, and I rushed out into the fust street I cum to, to try to git out of the racket before it sot me crazy sure enufl", when what should I meet but a dratted grate big nigger with a bell in his hand, ringin it rite in my face as hard as he could, and hollerin sumthing loud eliud" to split the bed of a lamp post. That was too much, and I made a lick at the feller with my cane that would lowered his key if it had hit him, at the same time that I grabbed him by the collar, and ax'd him what in the name of thunder he meant by sich imperence. The feller drapped his bell and shut his catlish mouth, and rollin up the whites of his eyes, 'thout sayin a word, he broke away from me as hard as he could tear, and I hastened on to find some place less like bedlam than Broadway. By this time it was most dark, and aftar walkin down one street til I cum to a grate big gardin with trees in it, whar it was so still that noises begun to sound natural to me agin, I sot down on the railins and rested myselt awhile, 1ind then sot out for my hotel. I walked and walked for some time, but somehow or other I couldn't find the way. I inquired for the American Hotel two or three times and got the direction, but the streets twisted about so ihat^it was out of the question for me to foller 'cm when th.-y told me, and I begun to think I'd have to take up my lodgins some whar else for that )))o-ht, I was so tired. Bimeby I cum to a street that SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 113 e eternal ven and •arriages p})in and levin and other as -soldiers ims, and widi all jrive the as more p, and I git out ifl', when ;er with a u'd as he t the hed ide aliek his key bed him f thunder pped his :ie n'hites ^vay Ironi 1 to find kin down fees in it, [\ natural >d myself Iked and coiddn't lotel two le streets )n inr ine I to think 3 for that ;treet that was very still and quiet, what they called Chambers street, and while I was standin on the corner, thinkin which way I should go, 'long cum a pore woman with a bundle under her arni, creepin along as if she wasn't hardly able to walk. When she seed me she cum up to me and put her hankerchef to her eyes, and ses she : '* Mister, I'm a pore woman, and my husban s so sick he ain't able to do any work, and me and my pore little chiklren is almost starvin for bred. Won't you be good enutr to give me two shillins ?" I looked at her a bit, and thought of the way the match-boy served me in Baltimore, and ses I— " Hain't you got no relations nor neighbors that can help you ?" ^ . . . , ''Oh no sir ; I'm too pore to have relations or neigh- bors. I was better off once, and then I had plenty of fiends." ,,,.,» T 7 That's the way of the world, thmk's I ; we always have frends td we need 'em. , , x l " Oh, sir, if you only know'd how hard 1 have to work, you'd pity me-I know you would " " What do you do for alivm.!>" ses I ; for she iooked too delicate to do much. » , , t» " I do fine washin and ironin," ses she ; but 1 m sick so much that I ca 't make enuff to support us;' and then she cotied a real graveyard coft. " Why don't you git sum of Schenck'.s Pulmonic Syrup?" ses I. . r. r ■ ' " 0, sir," ses she, " I'm too pore to buy^medicm, when mv pore little children is dyin for bred." That touched me— to think sich a delicate young cre- tur as her should have to struggle so hard, and 1 tuck out my purse and gin her a dollar. " Thar," ses I, " that will help you a little. ^ '< Oh bless you, sir; you're so kmd. ^ow I 11 Duy sum medicin for my pore husband Will you be good enutr to hold this bundle for me til I step back to that •m 1 • f ri I 1 1 114 MAJOR Jones's drug-store on the corner? It's so heavy — I'll be back in a minit," ses she. I felt so sorry for the pore woman that I couldn't re- fuse her sich a little favor, so I tuck her bundle to hold it for her. She sed she was 'fraid the fine dresses mought git rumpled, and then her customers wouldn't pay her ; so I tuck 'em in my arms very careful, and she went to the store after the medicin. Ther was a good many peeple passin by, and I walked up from the corner a little ways, so they shouldn't see me standin thar with the bundle in my arms. I begun to think it was time for the woman to cum back, and the bundle was beginnin to git pretty heavy, when I thought I felt sumthing movin in it. I stopped rite still, and held my breth to hear if it was any thing, when it begun to squirm about more and more, and I heard a noise jest like a tom-cat in the bundle. I never was so supprised in my life, and I cum in a ace of lettin it drap rite on the pavement. Thinks I, in the name of creation what is it ? I walked down to the lamp-post to see what it was, and Mr. Thompson, would you believe me, it w^\s a live baby ! I was so cum- pletely tuck aback that I staggered up agin the lamp- post, and held on to it, wliile it kicked and squalled like a young panter, and the sweat jest poured out of me in a stream. What upon yeath to do 1 didn't know. Thar I was in a strange city, whar nobody didn't know me, out in the street with a little young baby in mv arms. I never was so mad at a female woman before in all my life, and I never felt so much like a dratted fool as I did that minit. I started for the drug-store with the baby squallin like rath, and the more 1 tried to hush it the louder it squalled. The man w^hat kep the store sed he hadn't seed no such woman, and 1 musn't bring no babys in thar. By this time a evcrlastin crowd of ])eeple — men and wimmin— was gathered round, so I couldn't go no whar, "'■^M :"!j I i i '■ \it ■«i| ^'^^yey-^^^T^ '• I was so cumpletcly tuck aback that I staggered up agin the lamp-post, and held on to it, while it kicked and squalled like a young panter.' Letter xui. p. 114. I ■• .) I' V SKETCHES Of TRAVEL. 115 all gabblin and talkin so I couldn't hardly hear the baby squall. I told 'em how it was, and told 'em I was a stranger in New York, and ax'd 'em what I should do with the baby. But tlier was no gettin any sense out of 'em, and none of 'em wouldn't touch it no raore'n if it had been so much pisen. "That won't do," ses one feller. — "You can't cum that game over this crowd." " No, indeed," ses another little runty-lookin feller — " we've got enuff to do to take care of our own babys in these diggins." " Take your baby home to its ma," ses another, " and support it like a onest man." I tried to git a chance to explain the bisness to 'em, but drat the word could I git in edgeways. " Take 'era both to the Tooms," ses one, " and make 'em giv a account of themselves." With that two or three of 'em cum towards me, and I grabbed my cane in one hand, while I held on to the bundle with the other. " Gentlemen," ses I — the baby squeelin ail the time like forty cats in a bag — " Gentlemen, I'm not gwine to be used in no sich ^^ay — I'll let you know that I'm not gwine to be tuck to no Tooms. I'm a stranger in your city, and I'm not gwine to support none of your babys. My name is Joseph Jones, of Pineville, Georgia, and anybody what want's to know who I am, can find me at the Araerican- 7> "Majer Jones! Majer Jones, of Pineville!" ses a dozen of 'cm at the same time. " Majer Jones," ses a clever-lookin young man, what pushed his way into the crowd when he heard my name. " Majer, don't be disturbed in the least," ses he, " I'll soon have this matter fixed." With that he spoke to a man with a lether ribbon on his hat, who tuck the baby, bundle and all, and carried 20 -0 f T - 116 MAJOR Jones's ■"» it off to the place what they've got made m New York a purpose to keep sich pore little orfans in. By this time my frend, Mr. Jacob Littlehigh who is a Georgian, livin in New York, had interduced himself to me and 'bout twenty other gentlemen, and I begun to find myself 'bout as much of a object of attraction after the baby was gone, as I was before I never seed one of 'em before in my life, but they all sed they had red my book, and they didn't know nobody else, bo much for bein a author. i , i They was all monstrous glad to see me, and wanted to know how Mary and the baby was at home ; and 'fore they let me ofl", they made me go down to Bardotte & Shelly's Cafle Tortoni, and eat one of the biggest kind of oyster suppers, and drink sum sherry coblers what would develop the intellect of a barber's block, and ex- pand the heart of a Florida live-oak. They was the cleverest set of fellers I ever seed out of Georgia, and after spendin a pleasant hour with 'em, laughin over the incidents of the evenin, they showed me home to my hotel, whar I soon went to bed to dream of bundles lull of babys and oceans of sherry coblers. You must excuse this long letter, under the circum- stances. No more fiom ,.-,,, Your frend til deth, Jos. JoNi-^s. p s —Don't for the world let Mary know anyt about the baby, for she'd want to know what ur. yeath I was runnin about the street at night for, holdu bundles for pore wimmin, and I never could explain it to her satisfaction. Ther's one thing monstrous certain I'll go a hundred yards round the next woman I meet in the street with a bundle in her arms. .J&*£ 1 SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 117 I ew York h, who is d himself 1 I begun attraction ever seed they had else. So id wanted Dme ; and ) Bardotte 7gest kind alers what c, and ex- y was the orgia, and n over the nie to my undies full le circum- deth, . JON'-^S. N anyt what ii[> for, holdii . explain it 3us certain man I meet LETTER XIV. New York, June 15, 1845. To Mr. Thompson -.—Dear Sir— To tell you the plain truth, Mr. Thompson, I'm a altered man sense I cum to New York, at least so far as appearance goes, though I blieve my hart is in the same place it used to be. It was sum time before I could giv in to my frend. Little- high's argyments, but as I'm always willin to accommo- date myself to the wishes of my frends, when it can be done without sacrificin my principles, I consented to have sum new clothes made in the latest fashion. Ac- cordinly the other day he ti:ck me down to Mr. Lowns- berry, in Pine street, and gave the directions tohave a fust rate broadcloth suit made for me, jest like his own. Well, in two days afterwards, here cums a bran new suit to my hotel— coat, vest, and trousers. The boot- maker in Fuhon street had sent me a pair of new French boots, a^ he called 'em, and I got a hat from Leary, the great Broadway hat man. I shucked out of my old clothes and got into my new ones, and sich a alteration I don't reckon you ever seed afore. It's a positive fact, I don't blieve Wise or Smart, my coon- dogs to home, would be able to know me without smellin at me for a while. I don't hardly know my- self; and if it hadn't been for my voice which sounded as familiar as a dinner-horn, I would a-had my dowts. Mary wouldn't seed the least resemblance to her hus- band in me, and I blieve if I had made my appearance in Pineville, my neighbors would been for puttin me in jail for a impostor. My cote ain't so very outlandish, but my trouses and * 4. 'J '.ll 1 .'I m lis! fl i1 M ■ 'if id ( ' r I: i.»i i! ■''! > ) It 118 J MAJOR Jones's Dkin thin ITS ' oddest lookin things in the world. The trouscs IS "all buttoned down before," like daddy Grimes's old blue cote, and makes me so shamed when I look at 'era that I don't know what to do with myself; and my jacket cams ahnost down to my knees, and is cut out swaller-tailed in frunt, like General Washini^ton's regimental jacket, what I seed in Wash- ington city. They're all made fust rate though, and lit like they had growd on me. They begin to feel a little better now than when I fust put 'em on, but it will be sum time before I git used to 'em, and before I can pass anybody in the street without feelin like I wanted to turn round to hide my trouses. You know I told you I had no very grate opinion of operys. Well, that's a fact ; but the other evenin when 1 cum to dinner at my hotel, the clerk handed me a note from Mr. Littlehigh, statin that himself and two or three of his frends would be very glad of Major Jones' company in a private box at the Olympic that evenin, to see the opery of " The Daughter of the Regiment." It wouldn't be perlite to refuse sich a invTtation, and I staid home to meet Mr. Littlehigh, accordin to liis appintment. *' Well, 'bout six o'clock Mr. Littlehigh called for me, and we went to the Olympic. The house was packed like a barrel of pork, whar ther ain't room enuff left to git another foot or jowl, nor so much as a ear into the barrel, all except my frend's private bo>', w^hat was pretty close to the stage, and what had nobody in it but three or four gentlemen who belonged to our party. The curtain ris with a everlastin singin and fiddlin, like it did in Filladelfy. Bimeby the daughter of the regiment cum out, and then I thought they' would tear the theatre down with ther everlastin rumpus. " That's our Mary, Majer," ses Mr. Littlehigh, " and now if you want to hear a bird of Paradise, jest buckle back yer ears." !r SKETCHES OF TRAVF.L. 119 . The daddy shamed lo with ' knees, jeneral Wash- and lit 1 a little •will be :an pass nted to opinion, evenin handed self and f Major pic that ' of the ! sich a ttlehigh, ailed for use was I't room iich as a ate box, 'hat had Delonged in singin leby the ; thouG:ht jverlastin rh, " and st buckle She was a monstrous fmc-lookin gall, and the way she could sing was perfectly 'mazin ; and then she handled a musket and marched about t^-e stage like a regular sargeant of infantry. How the mischief she ever cum by so many fathers, I couldn't well make out, for the singin, which, as I told you before, spiles evry thing in a opery. But it: was very plain to be seen that if the regiment was her daddys, evry feller in the house was in love with her ; and I couldn't help but think that the feller with the ribbons on his hat, what kep follerin her about and singin to her how he loved her, loud enuff to be heard all over the house, rtood a monstrous pore chance among so many. Whenever she cum on the stage, the peeple all -ver the house would rap and clap and holler like they was half out of ther senses ; and whenever she sung a song by her- self, they was certain to make her sing it over agin. I liked the Daughter of the Regiment myself rather better than I did the Bohemian Gall, but I'd like 'era both a good deal better if thcr wasn't so much singiii m 'em. # * After the opery was over we went down to the Bat- tery, and after walkin about in the moonlit walks til we got tired, we sot down on the benches and smoked our segars, while the waves splashed and roared agin the rocks, and the wind played with the tops of the trees behind us. After talkin over matters and things awhile, we started for home. As we was gv.ine along up Broadway we saw a smoke comin out of a roof of a house down in one of the cross streets, and turned down to see what it was. When we got opposite to it, we saw a redish sort of a light in the winders on the roof, and the smoke pourin out of evry crack. Mr. LittlehigL run across and rapped at the dore, and in a rainit a old nrn stuck his hed out of the lower winder. *' Your house is a fire," ses Mr. Littlehigh. h m im 120 MAJOR JONES 9 The old man sninted out smnthinir, but duln't take in his old red ni<,dit-cai) or make any niovcment like he cared whether his house was alire or lutt. *' Fire," ses my frend, loud as ho could holler, pintin up to the top of the house. . . ^, , , The old man grunted out sumthmg in Dutch, and stood as still as a post, starin at us on the other side of the street. Then Mr. ]VIutrou all about the trip in my next. So no more from Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones. 'it; '11 SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 125 LETTER XV. New York, June 25, 1845. To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — In my last letter 1 told you I was gvvirie to Yankeedoodledum. Well, I've been to Boston and Lowell, and seed the live Yankees, Bunkerhill monument and the factry galls, and a heap of other natural curiosities that more'n paid me for the trip. Hooper, who you know is a Odd Feller as well as a very clever one, wanted to go to the great celebration what was to take place in a few days in Boston, and as I wanted to see that part of the world before I went home, we agreed to go together, and last Monday evenin we tuck passage in the steamboat Narryganset for Boston. We hadn't been gone long from the wharves when the fust thing I know'd the ingine was stopped, the boat commenced slewin round, and the peeple runnin in evry diiection. Bimcby the ingine give another lick or two and then stopped agin. Thinks I ther's something out of jint. Thinkin the biler was gwine to bust or the bote was broke, I ax'd a old gentleman what was the mat- ter ?" " We is rite at Hell-gate," ses he. <' The devil we is! — as close as that !" sed a man with mustashys on his mouth. Hell-gate ! thinks I, and I looked out, and shore enuff the water was whirlin round and round, and runnin up stream and crossways and evry other way. Jest then thump went the old bote agin something, and evry wo- man squalled, and the men stood on ther tip-toes. Thinks I, if we is to go to the bottom, I'd a good deal rather take a swim in some other place. Everybody said don't ' 'I I. >| i!l;r si -I 'ixJ l-:i h ] u •' •A III , a 126 MAJOR Jones's be alarmed — and one man sed it didn't make much dif ference to him, for he started to go to Boston, any- how. Bimeby the bell rung, *^'e old ingine sot up a terrible puffin and snortin, and in a few minits we was leavin the gate of the infernal regions far behind us. We passed Frog's Neck— whar they're bildin a young Giberalter to keep the British from coming down to New York when Mr. Polk drives 'em out of Oregon— before sundown, and by dark we was in what they call the Sound. After smokin a segar we went to our berths, whar we was soon sound asleep. It was 'bout daylight next mornin when we got to Stunnington, in Conneticut, whar they say the peeple live on lish so much that they smell like whale oil and have scales on their backs. This may be a bug what they put on me, but one thing I do know — and that is that they is great whalers, for they whaled the British out of ther harbor in the last war, a monstrous sight quicker than they cum in. It was a bominable dark foggy mornin, and I couldn't see much of Stunnington, but what I did see made me think it wasn't badly named — for it is rocks from one eend to tother, and it was long after we was out of sight of the town fore we could see any thing but rock-fences and rock-chimneys, and whole corn-fields of rocks from the size of a goose-egg up to that of a gin-house. We got a mere squint at Provi- dence, in Rodeisland, when we was crossin the river in the steambote, and in about a ower more we was in sight of Boston, which looked at a distance _ like it was bilt on stilts in the middle of a everlastin big frog- pond. When we got to the depo, the white hackmen cum rearin and pitchin at us like evry oneof 'em had a co/iias ad satisfaction, as the lawyers say, for us, and to keep from gittin tramped into the yeath by 'em, we jumped into the fust hack what had the dore open, and told the man to drive us to the Purl street Hotel. Well, bein as \ wasn't near dinner-time, we tuck a walk round to seo m m SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 127 the city, but we soon found out that wouldn't do. If a man could walk like Mr. Robert Acres wanted to fite his duel, edgeways, he mought possibly manage to git through a square or two of Boston 'thout gittin nocked oiT the side-walk more'n a dozen times. But for a man of my size to git along in sich little crooked alleys as them Boston streets is. is out of the question. Col. Bill Skimer would be like Mr. Gulliver was in the city of the Lillypushins — the corporation would be bound to accommodate him in the common to keep him from blockin up the streets intirely. Why, they aint much wider than the space between the rows of a pea-patch, and then they are so twistified that it's as much as a common sized body can do to keep both feet in the same street at the same time. And then what makes it worse, is the way the Boston peeple walks. They all go dashin along like they was gwine to die, and hadn't but a few hours left to settle ther bisness. As for givin the walk to a lady, or half of it to a gentleman, they don't think of no sich a thing, and if you don't want to have your breth nocked out of you evry few steps, you mought as well take the middle of the street at once, whar, if you don't keep a monstrous sharp lookout, you is certain to be run over by ther everlastin grate, long, sheep-shear lookin carts. Hooper and me tried to keep together on the side-walk. But it wasn't no use. After bumpin along for 'bout half a square, I found myself in the street and my frend half way into a store dore, whar he was nocked by a feller what was stavin ahead with a armfull of wooden clocks. We made our way the best way we could in the direc- tion of the Monument, what stands over in Charlestown. The Native Americans had a celebration on the hill, and one of ther orators was makin a speech to a heap of peeple what was crowdin all round the stand, jest like our peeple in Georgia at a Fourth of July Barbycue. As none of ther speeches couldn't make us no better Americans than we is, we left the orator and his flights ' i^- 1 i. * 1 " 14' 14' it-fl 128 MAJOR Jones's n of eloquence for the flight of steps what tuck us, after puffin and blowin enuff to work a two-hos-power steam ingine, up to the top of the great Yankee Monument, what has been raised on this Sinai of American Free- dom. If ther is a man in the nation what don't like the Union and don't feel willin to shed his blood to preserve it, he ought to make a pilgrimage to this consecrated spot. If, stand in o:, -:' is incije^tic pile and looking down on the ground t.v> reived the fust red baptism ol Liberty, while he ..eathes +he air that received the expirin breth of so many martyred heroes, and looks upon the sky that witnessed ther heroic valor, he does not feel his bosom glow with patriotic emotion, and imbibe a love of country above all sectional prejudices or interests, then he may be sure he was born on the rong side of the Atlantic. From the top of the monument, which is about three hundred feet high, we could see half over Massachusetts. Among other things that was pinted out to us in the guide book, was another monument, of which the Bos- ton peeple needn't be so very proud. The ruins of the Ursuline Convent is still stand in insight, to reproach the intolerant spirit of a peeple who have violated the laws and disregarded the principles which ther fathers died to establish in this country. After cumin down from the monument, we tuck a walk through the navy-yard and the rope-walk, whar they was makin rope's long cnuff and strong enuff to pull the Stone Mountain, in De Kalb county, up by the root, and then went back to our hotel. On the way back, 1 tuck the opportunity, when we was ridin in the hack, and nobody couldn't run over us, to notice the stores and houses. Exceptin the narrow, crooked streets, Boston looks a good deal like the other Northern cities, though to my taste it aint to compare in no respect to either BaUimore, Filladelfy or New York. In sum parts of the city the streets is wide enuff and very clean, and the houses is very fine, but ther's a SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 129 is, after r steam luraent, 1 Free- like the ireserve lecrated g down tism ol ie.d the d looks le does 311, and 2Judices the rong ut three ■husetts. i in the he Bos- is of the oach the :he laws Brs died tuck a k, whar enuff' to ', up by .'hen we over us, narrow, .he other compare or New de enuff t ther's a aristocratic air about it, a sort of starchy Sundy-go-to- meetin kind of a look about this part of the city, that I don't like a bit better than I do the pinched up, narrow contrived appearance of the rest. I noticed one thing about the signs in Boston, which accounts for the curious way they pronounce ther words. Ther letters is all littler in the middle than they is ac the eends — as for instance, a letter /looks like a lady that was dyin of tite lacin. Now, you know the Yankees ses kyew for cow, and gives a sort of loud-at-both-eends- and-low-in-the-middle sound to all ther words. Well, it's my opinion that it is the shape of the letters on ther signs that makes 'em do it, or maybe the letters is made by the painters to suit the pronunciation of the peeple. In Filladelfy the most of the signs is painted in grate big block ietters^and in New York, in all sorts and kinds. Well, the Filladelfy peeple talk very square and plain, and in New York ther aint no peculiarity about their pronunciation — no body can't tell a New Yorker by his accent. So you see what the influence of association is. After dinner we was gwine to smoke our cigars, but jest as I was biten off the eend of mine, I happened to look up and see a notice what sed, " No smokin 'lowed here." " Well," ses Hooper, " I spose they consider this room aft the machinery — less go forard." We wt..t into another room, but the fust thing we seed thar was, in grate big letters, " No smokin 'lowed here." With that we went to the door, thinkin we mought smoke on the steps, but thar was the everlastin " No smokin 'lowed here," stickin up on both sides of the door. I looked at Hooper and laughed, but he didn't feel like laughin. *' What kind of a place is this; I'd like to know," ses he. " I wonder if they allow peeple to sneeze when tliey take cold ?" I .* t' m m i\ if i!r i30 Majur Jones's I proposed to git sura matches and go to the common. "Agreed," ses Hooper; " any whar whar we can breathe 'thout violatin the rules." I ax'd the man in the office, what had been lookin at my cigar all the time, like it was a rattle-snake, for a match. " I guess you'll find sum in the sraokin-room," ses he. " Smokin-room," ses I, " whar's that?" " This way, sir," ses he, and he opened a door of a little dirty room that smelled strong enuff of tobacker smoke to nock a man down. Thar was no body in it but a old codger, in a snuff-colored coat, what was smokin one of the worst kind of American segars, and readin " all sorts of paragraphs" in the Boston post. The floor was covered v.'ith ashes a*#d old stumps of segars, the walls looked like the inside of a Georgia smoke-house, and the air was strong enuff of smoke to turn a man into well cured bacon in 'bout fifteen minits. " Majer," ses Hooper, " I can't stand this place — I've had jest as much of Boston as I want. Less go to Lowell this afternoon. Maybe we can smoke a cigar thar, and if you want to see any more of Boston, we can stop when we cum back." I was jest about as sick of the city of everlastin anty's as he was, and in less than no time we was on the rail- road to Lowell. This is one of the finest roads in the world, leadin through a country that seems like one continual village. The land is poor and covered with rocks, but it's studded all over with butiful country-residences, with churches and mills and factories of one kind and another, til you git to Lowell, which is the handsumest small town I was ever in. We tuck rooms at the Merrymack House, one of the best hotels, and, before tea, tuck a walk over the place. It w^as a pleasant afternoon, and as we walked along on the bank of the canal what carries the water II Li SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 131 from the river to the factories, we couldn't help but notice the clean and healthy appearance of the town. The clear cool water went sweepin along, deep and strong, in its rock-banks, over which the green grass and flowers hung to dip themselves in the stream, while a roarin sound, that cum from the direction of the ;^ eat blocks of five-story factories, reminded us that it''. /as no idle stream, runnin to waste its usefulness on the desert shore, but that it gave its power to aid the in- dustry of man, and to contribute to the wealth of the nation. We tuck a stroll on the banks of the Merrymack, be- low the town. From different pints we got a fine view of the place, and found plenty to interest us til tea-time. We was passin up JNIerrymack street to our hotel when the bells rung, and the fust thing we know'd the whole town was full of galls. They cum swarmin out of the factories like bees out of a hive, and spreadin in every direction, filled the streets so that nothin else was to be seen but platoons of sun-bonnets, with long capes hangin down over the shoulders of the factory galls. Thou- sands upon thousands of 'em was passin along the streets, all lookin as happy, and cheerful, and neat, and clean, and butiful, as if they was boardin-school misses jest from ther books. It was indeed a interestin sight, and a gratifyin one to a person who has always thought that the opparatives as they call 'em in the Northern lactoi'ies, was the most miserable kind of peeple in the world. It was a butiful moonlight night, and after tea we walked out into the street agin. The stores was dl lit up and the galls was walkin about in pairs, and half dozens, and dozens, shoppin from store to store, and laughin and talkin about ther purchases, as if it didn't hurt 'em to spend ther earnins no more'n other peeple. Under ther curious lookin cracker-bonnets thar was sum lovely faces and eyes, that looked better by moonlight than anv I have seed sense I left Georgia ; and poor •21 1i I .'fl 132 MAJOR Jones's hachellor, bei (1 to Hooper, who you know is a hachellor, bem exposec sich a constant display of silf-like forms, rosy cheeks, bright eyes, and silver-toned voices, begun to leel mon- strous weak about the heart long before the ower cum for the galls to retire to ther boardin houses ; and I was monstrous fraid he would need settin up with the balance of the night, his simptoms was so alarmin. By ten o'clock not a cracker-bonnet was to be seen in the streets, though the moonlight was as bright as day, and the stars twinkled and danced in the Heavens above, and a cool breeze played through the branches of the trees and rippled the suifoce of the canal, while the waters, esca'pin from ther confinement in many a mill- race, sent up a dreamy murmur, that blended harmo- niously with the scene, and made it one of the loveliest evenins imaginable. It was a scene and a ower to in- spire love — when the world is turned into a Paradice and wimmin into angels— and I couldn't help but feel sorry for the six thousand little nimphs of the spindles, who had no lovers thar to court 'em on sich a night. It was late before we went to bed. \s I'm to the eend of my sheet, I'll stop here, and tell you about my adventures in Lowell, the factories and the factory galls, in my next. So no more at present from Your frend til dcth, Jos. Jones. , !*-■. SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 133 osed to cheeks, el mon- ;er cum id I was balance By ten I in the lay, and above, IS of the hiie tlie f a mlll- harmo- loveliest ?r to in- Paradice but feel spindles, light. 1 to the bout my )ry galls, cth, Jones. LETTER XVI. New York, June 20, 1845. To Mr. Thompson :—Dear Sir—1 could slep sound as a rock m a shuck-pen, after havin been nockin about all day, and havin my mind constantly on the stretch to take in the wonders I seed in Yankeedoodle- dum. But in sich a airy room, and sich a soft, cool, clean bed as they gin me at the Merrymack House, I could have gone to sleep with the tooth-ache, and never waked up til Christmas, if it hadn't been for Hooper, who was terrained to see the galls gwine to work in the mornin. I was drea;Tain about bein in Mahomet's Heaven among the Houries. Ther was more'n ten thousand of 'em, all as butiful as Haydees and Venuses, with cracker-bonnets on, dancin and caperin about under the shadowy arches of the trees, from which hung long festoons of bright flowers, while fountains of crystal water was gushia up in evry direction, and music floated m the air that was perfumed with the breth of roses. Bimeby one of 'em, with butiful eyes and long golden ringlets, what hung down below the cape of her bonnet, cum dancin up to me with a hank of cotton yam in her hand — "Cum with me — will you cum with me, my dear.?" ses she, srailin so sweet and wavin her hand at me. " No, I thank yon," ses I, blushin to think she would ax me sich a question. " Say not so, dear," ses she, cumin closer to me. " Say not so, dear— you must be mine ;" and with that she begun to undo her hank of cotton. I soon seed what she was up to, and so I started to quit the place, but the fust thing I knowd she had the I 1 'Ml <*-.. 124 MAJOR JONKS'S yarn round my neck, and tlie next minit *bout five hundred of 'em was pullin at mc, all singin " Cum with mc, my dear," like a pasel of sailors a payin away on a hosser. I pulled and hollered as hard as I could — I told 'em I was a married man — but they never let on they heard me, and jest pulled the harder, each one sayin I 'longed to her. " Let me go !" ses I, grabbin hold of a tree to hold on by, and kickin at 'em with both feet at a time ; " let me loose, you everlastin witches, you. I's got a wife and child to home and can't marry none of you — I tell you I's a married man !" Jest then the hank of cotton broke, and away I went, and the galls set up one of the loudest squalls I ever heard. "What upon yeath's the matter with you, Majer?" ses Hooper, who was lalhn like he had the high- stericks. " Why I never seed a body cut sich anticks before in all my life. I jest tuck hold of you and shuck you a little to wake you up, so we mought take a walk before breckfust, and you begun to kick and rare like a wild zebra, cussin and swearin about being a married man, like that had any thing to do with gettin up early in the mornin. "And was it you that had a hold of my neck," ses I, beginnin to see how it was, " I jest shuck you a little," ses he. " Well, if I didn't think " ses I. " What was you drcamin, Majer?" ses he. But I know'd it wouldn't do to tell Hooper what I was dreamin, if I ever wanted to hear the eend of it. So I jest got up and put on my clothes as quick as possible, and went with Hooper to see the galls gvvine to work. The sun was jest up when we went down on to the rorporashuns, as they call 'em here, whar the mills is. It was a most lovely mornin. The factorys was all still. The yards in frunt of the bildins was clean, and mi' ^'^LsyocL. =£?=i3f=?tr" nuaERr Sicimh " But tho fust thing I know'd she had i\\o yarn round my neck, and the next niinit 'bout five hundred of 'em was pullin at me, all singin 'Cum with me, my dear.' "—Letter xxi. p. 134. ,i 1 i. t * ■"■, f\ i 1 P III' ■'i ' 1 ;J ! I ^7 I .1 i 'ff i:. SKETCHES OF TRAVEI,. 135 the httle flower-gardens by the (lores was glitterin with due, as the fust bees of the mornin cura to suck the honey from the blossums. Ther wasn't many peeple to be seed in the streets. Now and then we /ould see sum rnen gwme to the countin-rooras and offices, or to the factorys, but the cracker-bonnets was in eclipse. 1 he galls was at breckfust at ther boardin-houses, which are neat two, and sumtimes three-story brick houses, what stand in blocks near the factorys and is owned by the proprietors of the mills. Bhneby the bells rung. In a minit more the streets leadm to the m>lls was swarmin with oalls. Here they cum in evry direction, laughin and talkin to one another in groops and by pairs, or singly, all lookin as lerry and happy as if they was gwine to a frollic, insted of to ther work. Wimmin look well by raoolight, and so they do by early sunlight. The refreshin influence of sleep o-ives a brightness and animation to the featurs of a healthy young gall, who has been fatigued by the labors of the day, and the mornin ablooshuns, as Mr. Willis calls washin one's face, like the due on the roses, mves freshness to ther cheeks and brilliancy to ther eyes You may depend thar was sum bright mornin faces in that crowd. I thought of my dream, and I 'termined to take warnin by it. I felt' if I was a bachellor it wouldn t be safe to go within the length of a skein of cotton yarn of sum of 'em, and it wouldn't take a very strong or a very hard twisted thread to hold me in the traces. ^ They poured into the mills by thousands, like bees mto a hive, and in a few minits more the noise of the machinery begun to git louder and louder, until each factory sent out a buzzing sound, with which all other sounds soon becum mixed up, until it seemed we was into a city whar men, wimmin and children, water, fire and light, was all at work, and whar the very aii breathed the song of industry. w '^'] m ''fh liji i 136 MAJOR JONESES After brecki'ust we went to one of the mills, whar we got a little boy to show us the way. The little feller tuck 's from one room to another all over the mill, and sich other contraptions I never seed before. The machinery made sich a noise that we couldn't hear ourselves think, let alone sayin any thing to one another, and then we was so cumpletely dumfounded by what we seed, that we couldn't found a word to say even if we could heard one another talk. Thar was the galls tendin the looms and the spindles, mixed all up among the cranks and wheels, and drum-heds and crossbands, and iron fixins, that was all agwine like lightnin, and ther little white hands flyin about like they was a part of the machinery. Bissy as they was, though, they found time now and then to steal a sly glance at us, and then I could see a mischievous smile playin round sum of ther pretty mouths, as much as to say, what green fellers we was that never seed a cotton-mill before. I tried to git the hang of sum of the machinery, but it wasn't no use. Evrything I seed, from the ceilin to the floor, was whirlin, ard whizzin, and rattlin, and dashin, as if it would tear evry thing to pieces; but what they was doin or what sot 'em agwine, was more'n I could make out. Buzz-z-z-z, went the spindles and the spools ; clank- clank, went the looms, and the white cloth was roUin off in big bolts, but how it was done, was what I couldn't see into. ^ W ^ W W W W^ '^ w After gwine through three or four of the mills, which was all pretty much alike, ^we went into one whar they print calicos. This part of the bisness ain't the nicest work in the world, though it's very interestin. We went into the dryin-room as they call it, but we didn't stay thar but a very short time. If the other country is much hotter than this dryin-room, it is not much misrepresented in the accounts we have of it. "When I stepped in I felt the hot air, as I breathed it ,1 :i SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 137 ard tear * into my lungs, like boilin water ^-oven. up like I was in a bake- in d my hair crisped H _ — ... „ „„„ ^.ooper, wno, you know, takes a good deal of pains with his whiskers, dassent risk 'em in the dryin-room more'n a minlt; and when we got out I felt jest like I'd cum out of a steam-bath. The next place we went to was the whip manu- factory, whar we seed a cover braided onto a whip- stalk, by machinery, in about two minits. From thar we went to another place, whar they made cotton and woollen cards. That machine banged any thing I ever seed in all my life. I've always thought that a ma- chine that could make any thing as well as it could be made with hands was pretty considerable of a machine. But to see a little iron contraption take a piece of lether and a coil of wire, and cut off the wire and bend it double, punch the holes in the lether, put the wire in the holes, push 'em in and bend 'em, and ftisten 'em thar quicker and better than five men could do it, went a little* ahed of any thing I ever heard or dreamed of. The man that invented that machine could invent one to eat shad without swallerin the bones, or one that could pick a man's pocket when he was wide awake, without gettin found out. The only wonder is, that he didn't invent sum way to fodl Old Deth himself, and live for ever. But the poor man is ded, and, like all men of genius, died very poor. The next place we went into was a machine car- penter's shop, whar the rough boards cum into one dore in a cart and went out at the other in panel-dores, winder-sashes, pine boxes, &c. Saws and plainers and chissels and awgers was sawin, plainin, chisselin, and borin in evry direction by machinery, with men to tend 'em ; and for one that wasn't acquainted with the bearins of the place, it was necessary to keep a pretty sharp look-out to prevent havin a shavin tuck off of him sumwhar, or to keep from bein dove-tailed, or h I. f I ; I i ' f ■■' f! 138 MAJOR JONES'S havin a awger-hole put rite through liim fore he know'd what hurt him. It was most dinner-time, and we didn't stay thar long. At the Merrymack House we had one of the finest dinners I ever eat in ray life. But the dish what tuck my fancy most, was a fine biled Merrymack salmon. What a pity salmons don't grow on pine trees — then we could have 'em in Georgia ; but as that can't be, I would advise you, if ever you cum this w^ay in pea-time, to stop at the Merrymack House. Here they git 'em rite out of the water, and if a dish of Merrymack salmon and green peas wouldn't bring a ded man to life, then he may be buried with perfect safety. After tlie desert we had fruil, and among other things sum of the finest ox-hart cherries. They wer monstrous good, and if the man counted the seeds on my plate, he knows I done 'em justice. Hooper loved 'em too. We sot thar sum time eat in cherries and talkin 'bout the factory galls and the jnaclunery 'Ain't it a pity," sed Hooper, "that these galls is Yankees. If it wasn't for that," ses he — • " Well, that's a tact," ses I. " But you oughtn't to mind that. Hooper," "Ah, Majer," ses he, "it wouldn't do. But I did see one gall thar that '* " Stole your hart," ses I ; for I know'd he was very sceptible of the tender passion, and I had hard work to git him out of one room in the Boot Mills. " No, not 'zactly, Majer ; but to tell you the truth, I couldn't keep my eyes of that tall, dark-complexioned gall what was tendin the starchin-machine — the one what was readin in a book. Ther was sumthing so Winnin, so amiable, and yet so dignified about that gall, that I shall never forgit her. But she's a Yankee, and maybe a ravin abohtionist." " Well, Hooper," ses I, to change the subject what ;■! SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 139 was beginnin to make him serious, " if I was a wood- pecker I'd cum to this country evry summer, jest to eat cherries — they're so good." " Well, if I was a woodpecker I M'ouldn't do no sich thing!" ses Hooper. ''Why not?" ses I. "Why, because these everlastin Yankees would be certain to invent sum cussed machine to ketch me." Ther was sumthing hi that, and I had no more to say. In the evenin we tuck a walk to look at the town. Passin by a book-store, we went in to git sumthing to read. The old gentleman what keeps the store show'd us sum numbers of the "Lowell Offering," what he sed was made up of the writins of the factory galls. Hooper sed he'd bet that gall he seed readin in the mills was one of the writers, and he told the man to let him have all the numbers. Hearin us say we would like to see sum of the writers, Mr. Davis, who is a monstrous clever, obligin man, sed he would be very happy to interduce us to sum of 'em. We tuck him at his word, and in a few minits more he show'd us into a neat little parlor, whar we was soon made acquainted with Miss Harriet F , the editor of the Otiering, and her mother. Miss F promised Mr. Davis to take good care of us, and to see that none of the Lowell galls stole our harts, and he went back to his store. We spent a ower in very agreeable chat with Miss F , who is a true specimen of a New England gall. She has worked in the mills for several years, but now devotes herself to the magazine what she edits, supportin her mother by her own industry. After awhile she proposed to interduce us to sum more of the literary factory galls, and takin my arm, she carried us through several of the mills, and interduced us to die ga)i^ who was ai ther work. t ! m 4 1: 140 MAJOR Jones's As we was passin the great machine carpet factory, she ax'd us if we had seed 'em weavin carpets on the power-looms. We told her no — that we went thar in the day, but they wouldn't let us in. " Oh!" sed she, " they didn't know you was South- erners, or they wouldn't been 'fraid of your stealin ther patent." I didn't know zactly whether she meant that as a com- pliment or not. We went to the office, and ses Miss F : " Mr. Peters, here's a couple of Southern frends of mine, what wants to see the carpet-looms." "Well, but. Miss F ," ses he, "you know its entirely agin the rules for anybody to be admitted to see the machinery." "Yes; but," ses she, "I don't care for the rules — these gentlemen are all the way from Georgia, and they must see the looms." "But — " ses the old man. "I don't care," ses she ; " Fll be answerable for all the damage." " Well," ses Mr. Peters, " you can go into that room, (pintin to a dore,) and when you're in the packin- roora, I guess you can find the way into the looms without my leitin you iny That was sufficient, and in we went. I ax'd Miss F if that man wasn't a Yankee inventor. " 0, no," ses she ; " he's only a ordinary genius in these parts." The carpet-looms is a grate specimen of American ino-enuity, bein the only power-looms for weavin car- petin in the world ; but my hed was so full of wonders that I had seen durin the day, that I hadn't no room for the carpet-looms. Besides, they is such thunderin grate big, smashin iron things, and go at such a ter- rible rate, that I expected cvry minit to git my branes nocked out by 'em. ti ii; SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 141 in 111 s in After takiti a look at 'em for a few minils, wo went out, and visited sura more of the literati. Miss F ^ interduced me to Miss Lucy L , the author of *' The Wasted Flowers^^^ one of the prettyest little alle gorys in the English language ; and which Judgk Charlton, of Georgia, and several other popular poets, has tried ther hands on without bein able to improve it a bit. Miss L was in the packin-roora of one of the mills, as clerk, checkin off the goods as they were bein put up into bales. She had worked in the mills several years. I never met with a more interestin young lady, though I spose she wouldn't thank me for callin her a lady, as she gin me her auto- graf in a very dilferent spirit. It reads — " Major Jones : " Sir — I have the honor to be, yours, very re- spectfully, a hona-Jide factory girl, Lucy L ." We found the place still more . attractive as our acquaintance extended, and I begun to fear that Hooper would never be willin to quit Lowell. We tuck tea that evenin with Miss F , and afterwards called on several of our new acqaintances, who, with a party of ther frends, tuck a M^alk with us on the banks of the Merrymack. Hooper's symptoms was gettin worse and worse every hour, and I was 'fraid to risk him another moonlight night with the factory galls, for fear he mought meet the fate as a man what he would be 'fraid of as a woodpecker. So we bid 'em all good-by, when we parted with 'em for our hotel. We was off early in the mornin for Boston, whar we spent a few hours til the cars started for New York. I won't stop to tell you 'bout our trip — what a race we had with another steambote, and how we like to got blowd to Ballyhack gwine round Pint Judy, and how < \ 5Ki^Rms#;i*3^*w;iWe^'ii^:*eW4^«.^ 1 t '! r ,!^' 142 MAJOR JONES'S one man lost his bran-new hat overboard, and the captain wouldn't stop for it. Sufficient that we arriv safe in this city, thouj^h I ain't rite certain that Hooper didn't leave his hart in the Boot Mills. No more from Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones. P. S. We're gwine to take a trip to Niagary Falls and the Lakes next week. I »• tt:: SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 143 and the we arriv t Hooper JVC from Jones. ary Falls LETTER XVII. New York, July 15, 1845. To Mr. Thompson :— I told you in my last thi.t we was gwine to Niagary. Well, the Monday after I rit you my last letter, Hooper and me tuck passage on board the steambote Nickerbocker for Albany, up the Hudson river, what you've heard so much about. It was a butiful afternoon, and ther was peeple enutf aboard to make a fust rate campmeetin— men, wimmin and chil- dren, of all ages, sorts and sizes, and a merryer crowd couldn't be well raked together. We wasn't long gittin away from New York, and in a few minits our floatin castle was movm through a fleet of vessels of all kinds gwine and cumm to the city, in one of the largest and handsumest rivers in the world. Some of the passen- gers had books, and maps, and spy-glasses in ther hands and was all the time pintin out the interestin places I had no time to read about 'em, and while they was porin over ther books and maps, and axin which is this, and that, and whar's so and so, I jest tuck my fdl by lookin at every thing that was to be seed. We had a fust rate view of the Pallisades, as they call em, what goes jest a leetle ahead of any pile of rock I ever seed before, extendin for twenty miles on the left bank, and rism in sum places more'n five hun- dred feet rite perpend ickiler out of the water. Now and then ther is a fisherman's house standin on the water's edge, lookin 'bout as big as a bee-gum ao-in the everlastin stone wall behind it. After passin the Pallisades, we cum into the Tappan Sea, whar the river is more'n four miles wide and looks as quiet as a duck-pond. Sing Sing prison, what standa n " u 11 I I « ■ 1 ( l: ^ i-M Pi' III 144 MAJOtt JONKS S on the right at the hed of the Tajipan Sea, was made to keep the rascals in New York, what they haint got rov:)m for on BlackwoU's Ldand, but one man sed lie didn't blieve ther was stone enutr in the Pallisades to bild a house big enu(f to hold all that ought to be thar. In a few minits more we was passin Stony Pint, whar old Mad Antony Wayne waked up the British sogers with the pints of his bayonets, one mornin before breck- fust, in 1779, and then we was among the highlands. The sun was most down, and the mountains — sum of 'em more'n one thousand six hundred feet high — stood out in bold relief agin the brown evenin sky, throwin their dark shadows far over the river, that crooked and twisted about in evry direction, as if it had got lost in try in to find its way through 'em. It seemed as if old Miss Nature had jest tried her hand at makin hills and hollers, wastin yeath enuff in her fancy work to make two or three states like the State of Delaware ; and I couldn't help but think what capers old Boreas must cut in the winter time, when he undertakes to have a strait blow among these everlastin crags and caverns, and precipises. One would think it svould take a right smart harrycane to git through 'era without gettin scattered into forty thousand directions. iSuch monstrous mountings I nev-^r seed before. They may talk about pilin Ossa on Pelion, but if a body wanted to astonish the world with a mounting, all tiiey would have to do would be to put Crow's Nest on Butter Hill, or Bull Head on Bare Mount, and if that wouldn't lay all the otherhillsin the shade, then they mought take my hat. The passengers was all terribly delighted with ths scene, and them that had books and maps couldn't git time to see any thing for answf rin the questions of them what didn't have none Thar was one man from New York, with a crowd of ladys, that know'd all about every place we passed, and, to hear him talk, a body would s'posed he had been born and raised all along the if , il SKKTCIIRS OF TRAVEL. 145 shore like the Indian was. The ladys kep him mon- strous busy, you may depend. "Whar's i^ntony's Nose, Mr. Johnson ?" says one of 'em. *' Oh yes," ses another, ** I want to see old Antony's Nose. They say it's one of the greatest curiosities in (he world — it's so perfectly natural." " Antony's Nose ?" ses Mr. Johnson, puttin his spy- glass up to his eye. " Let rat see. Ah, thar it is. You can jest see the tip eond of it round that projection." " Whar ! whar ?" ses a dozen of 'era at once. *' Do tell us." "In a rainit, ladies, we'll have a good view. There now, do you see ? Thar it is, rite ahead. That's Anto- ny's Nose." Well, I looked, and so did everybody else, but it looked as much like a fodder stack as a man's nose to me. " I can't see no nose," ses a old chap what had his hed tied up with a red hankerchicf to keep from ket chin cold. " Which eend is the nose on .?" ses one of the la- dys. " Oh I see it— I see it," ses a long-legged dandy in check trowses. <' I see it jest as plain as the nose on a man's face." " Whar is it ?" ses a dozen that was stretchin ther eyes out of ther beds, but couldn't make it out no better than I could. '' Why," ses Mr. Johnson, "rite thar, a little on the right of the wheel-house. Now, can't you see it. Miss Abbigal, jest beyond that big rock in the edge of the water thar.? I can almost see the nostrils." " To be sure," ses the dandy ; ♦' if it was a little later we could hear it snore." " I can't see no sign of a nose," ses a man what was oglin the mountain with all his might, with a one-eveci spectacle tied to a black ribbon. I m 146 MAJOR JONKS'S ** Nor rae nothcr," seel all of 'em. " Well, it's monstrous strange," ses Mr. Johnson — " it's so plain. I <'an't see notliiii else." " Aint you mistaken, Mr. Johnson ?" ses one of the ladys. " Lord, no," ses he ; "I know it so well — I've been on it as often as I've got fingers and toes." 'Bout this time the captain of the boat passed along. The passengers stopped him and ax'd him whar was Antony's Nose ? " 'I3out five miles ahead," ses he ; "you will see it shortly after we pass the next land in." Mr. Johnson was tuck with a sudden desire to prome- nade with one of the ladys, and we didn't see his nose no more on the top deck that night. Bimcby we cum to Antony's Nose, sure enufl*, but it had been bloived so that nobody couldn't tell whether it was a Roman nose or a pug — not by the old gentleman himself, but by some oudacious stone quarry^rs, who had to go and blast it all to pieces, as if ther wasn't enuff rock in the place without ther taking such a liberty with old Antony's countenance. Some men, you know, find as much satisfaction in spilin a wonder, as others does in findin 'em. It was so dark when we got to West Pint — the place whar Uncle Sara teaches the young ideas how to shoot the enemies of our country — that we didn't see but monstrous little of it. The boat stopped at the landin a few minits, and we had time too look round on the hills that seemed to rise to the skies, fencin us in on every side, cuttin oif the river above and below us, so it looked as if we was in a little lake among the hills, in- .^ted of bein on a river two hundred miles long. We had a monstrous good supper, but I lost my share of the strawberries and cream jest 'cause I happened to call one of the nigger waiters " boy." The kinky- headed cus looked at me sidewavs,and rolled the whites of his eyes at nie like he was gwine to have a fit of $-'K SKETCllJiS Ot IHAVliL. 147 nidryfoby, and carried lli.. berries ami ,-i-o,.,> •. me to tl,e olher eend of tl.e t.b e ,.,lfT "^ P""* of tne waiters, but it va7, c ut T "f f "' "l"™ told tbe rest, a'nd all tl ■ d "'nit™ w4 „"''.n"" t""* lookin at me and whisncrin To one anoibe ' .,„"^ 'f'P motion, and 1 coubl imell the'L:^': Ir^n' Ta 'it hke to tuck my appetite from me, hungry as I wa If >ou should ever cum ibis way a traveiifn, you mu J call he m-er waiters, boy, nor uncle, nor buc^k nor inv frendly, home name ; and if your trunk happens to have Georgmon it, you'd better 'scratch it o/ff ou want any attention or civility from the waiters. Tl ev're aH misters here, anist"urbin".li: quitt current of the river, and now retirin into the deep shade whar the water is sleepin still and dark a' .1 nigger baby in a shuck-pen-tlie lofty peaks laisfn ther bald beds into the sky to bathe 'eni in the cold moon-beams-the ravines^md gorgcTwLdt' and ^••^1 M A ti 148 MAJOR Jones's twistin about between the hills, or spreadin out into broad valleys, and reachin away for miles into the dim haze, whar the dark Catskills rises ther misty forms acrin the vaulted Heavens— all conspirm to make a landscape which-which, as the novel riters ses, is more easy to imagine than describe. Bimeby our segars went out, the moon wen dow'n, the ladys went to ther cabin, and we went to look for our berths. After huntin about for half a ower or more for the rite one, I got into a rong one, whar 1 hadn't more'n jest got into a doze before a old feller cum aloncr and hustled me out, showin me a ticket tor the plac?. By this time sum feller had got mto mine, and when I found him out, and got him awake, and show'd him my ticket, he got out, cussm and growlin like a bare with a sore hed, and went to lout out sum- body else that was in his place. And so the thing went round from berth to berth, and 'tween the rumaom about of the servants, who was trym to find tlie rite berths for the gentlemen what had got into the rong numbers, the cussin of them that was waked up ou suspicion, and the growlin of them that was huntin about for a bed, in ther bare feet and drawers, I didn t cit to sleep for more'n two owers. ^ One little duck-legged man, what sed he was a editor of a newspaper up in Albany, had all the servants on the bote helpin him to find a bed, and made more rumpus than all the rest put together. He didn't have no ticket himself, so he jest kep gwine round, routin evrybody up to ^ee if they was certain they was in the rite bed. What made i worse, his memory wasn't very good, and he would cum to the same man two or three times. Hooper was layin rite under me, and you know how cross old bachelors is at night when they're m bed Mr. Squib had waked him up once, and 1 could heai him cussin about it, and I spected evry minit the fussy little feller would cum back, and then l SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 149 lut into [he dim Y forms [liake a ses, is ; down, lOok for )\ver or wliar I Her cum for the D mine, ike, and groNvlin )ut sum- 16 thing rumao'm the rite the rong [I up on s huntin , I didn't e was a all the bed, and together, jest kep thev was made it tie would Hooper low cross iu bed. I could vry rainit id then I know'd ther'd be a row. Shore enufi' here cum Squib with a gang of niggers behind him, all wiih candles in ther hands. Fust he looked into my curtains. "Boo!" ses I, and the little man's hed disappeared like a shot. The next minit 1 heard him wakin up Hooper. " What number's this you're in, stranger ?" ses he. "Ah, ha! I've got you now," shouted Hooper, springin from his berth like a mad tiger, and grabbin Squib by the neck. (( Murder — murder! take him oiT!" yelled the little man, as they went down on the floor together. Then thar was a row shore enulF. Hooper hollered stop thief! — the little man hollered murder ! — and the niggers hollered help ! The passengers cum scramblin out of ther berths in all kinds of costume — tumblin over the chairs and sofas, and grabbin, sum hold of Hooper, and sum hold of Squib. However, nobody didn't git hurt, and as soon as Hooper got a chance to exj)lain how he was subject to the night-mare, evry thing was quiet agin. But the little man found a place to sleep in the other eend of the bote. Sleep is like the magnetic telegraph — one travels hundreds of miles in no time when he's asleep — and early in the mornin we was at Albany. I had to give a sevenpence for my boots to a nigger what had rubbed oil" what little blackin ther was on 'em before, and by the time I got dressed and got my face washed, we was at the wharf. Here was another Q;ang of boddy-snatchers after us and our bao-oaw. Ther wasn't no choice of evils, so we tuck the fust feller in the way, who whirled us oir to the railrode depot in a minit. The distance ain't more'n about five hundred yards, and by the time we got our trunks off the coach, here cum the passengers walkin from the bote, with ther baggage in a wagon belongin to the rode, free of charge. This was take Hi I 150 MAJOR JONES'S r h f ^m\ in enuff; but would you blieve it, when I gin the driver a five dollar bill to get it changed, so I could pay him his fair, the rascal went to his coach, jumped on the box, popped his whip, and puttin his thumb on his nose, wiggled his fingers at me as he druv off in a canter. It was no time to rectify sich things—they was callin out for the baggage to put it aboarcl for the place it was gwine to — Hooper was buy in our tickets — the bell was ringin for evrybody to git in the cars — one chap was just caught try in to steal a gentleman's trunk rite before his eyes — I looked up agin the wall and seed hand-bills stickin all about, what sed, in big letters, "Look out for Pick-pockets!" and I jest put my hands in my pockets and kep my eyes wide open, til I got my seat in the cars. When we started I drawed a long breth, and thanked my stars that we was out of Albany. And now 1 am gwine at the rate of fifteen miles a ower, and Albany is fast fadin from my sight. I will stop here while I go on to Bufialow, leavin you to imagin what happens to me on the way, til you hear from me agin. So no more from Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones. •KETCHES OF TRAVEL. 161 ^in the I could jumped umb on off in a s — they for the ckets — cars — leman's the wall ., in big jest put e open, tarted I we was miles a I will you to ou hear ONES, LETTER XVIII. New York, July 18, 1845. To Mr. Thompson :~Dear ^iV_When I left off in my last letter, I was whizzin along in the cars at the rate of 'bout fifteen miles a ower, on my way to BuiTalow. You know thcr ain't no great deal of romance in a railrode jurney, if you don't happen to _ no mishaps, sich as runnin off the track and bein tilted heels over hed down a fifty feet embank- ment, into a quagmire forty foot deep, or pitchin into the tram what's gwine tother way, and havin a double seat, back and all, jammed rite through your stummick in the collision, or bustin yer biler and havin your arms and legs sent whirlin in evry direction among the tree-tops in a harrycane of bilin.hot steam. Well, as none of these accidents didn't happen to us to make our trip interestin, I shan't truble yon with a very long account of my jurney through this part of the great Empire State. It is a Empire State, shore enufl— a empire of cities and towns, standin so thick that, in the railrode cars, it jest seems to be one everlastin Broadway, with here and thar a Bolin Green or a Union Park by way of variety. I tried to keep a run of the towns,'but they stood so thick together and the cars went so fast, that when I ax'd anybody the name of a place, before I could make him understand what I wanted, in the bominable racket, we was in the middle of another town, and by the time I could understand the hard name of that one, we was runnin the children and pigs % i ^ 152 MAJOR Jones's off the track, and settin the clogs ^ barkin, and the wimmin a lookin out of the winders in another. Jest as we got out of Amsterdam t ax'd one of the passen- gers what place it was. He was readin a newspaper, and didn't hear me good at fust. *' What town is this?'* ses I. «'Eh?" ses he. " What place is this ?'' <' I'his ! oh ! this is Tripe Hill, I blieve," ses he. *' What Hill?" ses I. " It looks like Cawnewaga," ses he. '* Cawne-w^/iic//,?" ses I. " Now we are in Fonda," ses he. Seein I couldn't git no satisfaction out of him, I give it up. And shore enuff, cum to fmd out, we had been gwine through three towns while I was trjin to find out the name of the fust one. This is a go-a-hed country, to be shore. I couldn't help but think, as we went dashing along in the middle of cities and towns, over lakes and rivers, through mountings and valleys, wakin the echoes with the thunderih clang of our iron wheels, and settin all the animal creation a caperin over the fields with the snort of our steam-car— how the old codgers what lived three or four thousand years befo^re the Fourth of July would be tuck a-back if ther ghosts was to cum on a jurney to the United States now — how ther old notions w^ould have to stand out of the way before the march of human knowledge which they would see displayed in evry thino- around 'em. Wliat, for instance, would old Mr. Abraham think, to see more'n a thousand peeple, with bajr and ban: ll s, :j; . ,^ " Ir i {r i " 1 f), 1 J-, 1- ■ *'■■! i'' 158 MAJOR JONES*S what seemed to shake the foundation of the hill to which we clung, as it rolled its gray mists up among the dark tree-tops below. " 1 say, ^tuitlemen," sed our English frend, >^"' '^'^ '^ ^^-"^^^ to me that the I ed-posts trembled with the jar. The roarin in my ears kep growm louder and louder, til it seemed to me hke heaven and yeath was cumin together, and the fust hmg I knowed somehow or other, I was stand n ^vater, that reached to the sky, was cumin rollin rite on- me, to sweep me down into the bilin basin below what seemed to be 'bout five miles deep, and filled with all the devds m the infernal regions. I tried to run, but for the soul of me I couldn't move a peg-on and ove 1 cum rite on top of me, and down I went-down down, with my mouth chock full of water, so I couldn't even say my prayers,_but jest as I got to Xhe bottom and vv-as bout pitchin hed fust into the mouth of a Ce^ devil that vvas as big as a meetin house, I fotched one all-fired yell-and the next minit I found myself on the floor, with the bed-clothes on top of me. Hooper sed it was the night-mare, and if I hadn't hollered jest as I did, I'd been a gone Jonn, shore enuff. r^ight-mare or no night-mare, I don't blieve I'd felt aiuch worse if I'd gone over the Falls in downricbt yearnest. ° 1 was afraid to go sound to sleep agin, and so I jest tuck a turn round the bed-post with one arm, and slep with one eye open the balance of the night. ft.j ii-^ "TT'l n •••|i" 'niilii fa a i ll ' 162 MAJOR JONES S \¥^ ' i 1 1». ■) 1; i i I In the mornin before breckfiist we tuck another look at the falls from the Table Rock. This time we had a better view of the Fall itself, as well as the surroundin scenery. But notvvithstandin it was light, and we could see for miles around, the objects we looked at was on sich a different scale of proportion from any thing we was used to, that ther was no sich thing as formin any idees 'bout bights and distances, or any thing else. The more I looked the more I couldn't tell how bis: a thing was. Sometimes a rock would look like a moun- ting, and sometimes it was no bigger than a goose's egg — sometimes the islands would look big as my plantation, and then agin they wouldn't look no bigger than so many tater-hills — and T begun to wonder how they could hold ther hohs, thar rite in the middle of sich a racin river, 'thout geltin washed up by the roots and swept over the precipice below. The magnitude of things at Niagary depends alto- gether on how a l)ocly contrasts 'em. When my eye tuck in nothing but the mighty river, the everlastin battlements of rock, and the terrifTic caleract, why then they didn't seem to have no partickeler dimensions ; but when I happened to see the houses on the American side, or a ferry boat crossin below the Fall, or a company of men clamberin about among tiie loose rocks, down by the watei's edge, lookin no bigger than so many ants, then I was able to comprehend the stupendous wonders of Niagary, and to feel myself no bigger, standing thar on that rock, than a seed-tick in Scriven county. Some peeple ses Niagary is a great piace to elevate a body's vices, but with me it had exactly the contrary effect, and I do blieve if I was to use about thar long, I'd git sich an insignificant opinion of myself, that I wouldn't dare to say ray soul was my own. I know some peeple that it would do a monstrous sight of good to go to Niagary, if for nothin else but to git a correct measure- ment of ther own importance in the scale of bein — if SKCTCHtS OF TRAVEL. 163 big a Some , •■: they didn't git ,l,er notions tuck down a peg „r two then I'm terribly inislak -n '^^ ' mil i.ngl„h frend, and when we got back to breckfust -^ dowit ,? '■ "^"'"i"'" '^ g"" J breckfust ,fe ^^e seed all sorts of varmints, and Ingin curiosities nnr minerals and sich likes, and then bought s n ickets to go^down under the Fall to Termination Koek, as ilj; f.m,lnrwi.l?!'.T"''' ""''"", "^ ''™"" •*™' q'"te so ,/ "^ ""•''■ *"' "" '''"'g''i-> ""J that evrvbodv went thar, and nothi.i would do'llooper but we in.lt go. So we went to the house at the ton o. t^^^e star way, whar a old nigger feller tuck us inl^ a roLt^J .old us we must strip off all our clothes, and ut on , " Yoii needn't be 'tall fear'd, 'remmen " ses the oil b^n^r r 1 '^ ^^'^; ^^^^^^ '^'^ -^ whe^^y^cSn oack )ou knuw, you won't want 'era " . '^ We won't!" lLi„ks I, and I begun to ted a little jubous 'bout gwlne in any Mch a pj^^ce *' r say, uncle-beg pardon," ses I. '* .1//,/^,, i, thar any danger m gwnie to Temiination Rock =" ' iNot a bu," ses he, as he handed me a red flannel .iv^,b.genulif;H.Col.BillSl.mer,andapairofc^^^ ( uc k tunvses, without no bultens on 'em. " Not a hit. 11 you aon t fall mto the ea.sum below, and then tha- aint no telhn what M-ould becum of you." I stopped strippin .and sol down m a bench, and begun to consider. ' " Stop," ses ilie niggrr to Mr. More, who was pun, . •2.1 • ^ 164 MAJOR Jones's a par of trowses on over his boots ; " you must take your boots ofi' too — evry thing— -and I'll give you a par of shoes for your feet." Thunder ! — thinks I — the feller wants to save all he can, if one of us was to cum up missin. " Cum, Majer," ses Hooper, as he was pullin his shirt over his hed, " no backin out from old Georgy."^ " But," ses I, " is you certain thar aint no danger in this bisness ?" " Not a bit, sir," ses the nigger, " though evrybody is a little skeered at fust — ladies go under evry day, and no accident has never happened yet. I was jest jokin you a little." In a few minits more we was all dressed in our yaller trowses, red shirts, oil-cloth caps, and cowhide shoes, redely for the adventure. We follered the lead of tl ; guide to the stair-way, what went round and round (d we got almost out of bieth before we reached die bottom, whar we stepped out into the path what runs along on the side of the almost perpendickeler rock bank, 'bout half-way from the top, gitlin narrower and slipryer as we git nearer to the sheet of water. The mist from the river was raw and cold, but I blieve I could shivered in a warm bath jest to look at the place whar we was gwine. The Table llock above perjected out fir over our beds, and the loose rocks what lay in our narrow padi rolled from under our feet down iiito the foamin basin below. The old nigger led the way — Hooper follered close to him, and die rest of us strung along in Injin file behind. Jest before we got to the edge of the fall we all got a terrible showei'-bath from a spring of water what falls in the path from the rock above. And now we enter behind the sheet — the jiath is hardly wide emdf for our feet, and slippry'widi runnin water — the white spray cums howlin up from tlie dark pit on our left, and drives in siugin torrents agin the slimy rocks on onr right—in the darkness we can jest see the black, shel via I SKKTCIIKS OF T11A\EL. 165 , 100 "son the otl,er-,l,o d.cp ,1 II^ "j.^^-'f ?"> of our ears to al] oilier sounds ITZ •'^'"" *P« tlwt we ga™ for bred, i, wL ■ ',''« ,*P'"'>- « so heavy f ipry side. N,„v ,he „i,|e ,, ' £"^ '" "•?>» "Pon its J'or.nination Rock 7nS Zj '"■. ^^'' ^^'^.''='ve readied enn find „„ word. ,o ev" i"',f " '^;"'^'<' '-"'e that grope our dans^orous way- b'ck f 1'™ ' '*"'"' "»'' g'n.uluie and "sublimity ^ w W, .T '™"' °' '""«": mul whieh is worth t e H.k ,' , f Z i'?. '"", '''^^^""'e, When we mt on I ,"" •' ''*« 'o know! 1 fe!t monstrous co„.lbrt?b ' „' I '" '"' ^'Z "'^I '^'^1"''>J posed .. three eheers for 6' I Ni ; "i^ f [: ^ «- I'™" handy, and didji't sfon lil t i " ■^'. ^ J""' '" most 'lomiof 'era/l *1''',V;''^ ^'" " ?* '™'' half a does afUT he's 1 eef , ,.1'^'. ' ^^ "r'' ^'^' '^ ™'-"' I'-eller-the ske.r -a oy-el Tt fT" ?' " '^'^'^ '"i^tcry, and I fel, tha whenever itt ""1 ""^ alt.M- Who had put hN « II -r •■".'>' """ •'«'•<'- would be able t, , a 'i i ^h ■'}"""""" ^^°'^' ^ wl.af nobody who ,a '",,'''*'' ,"'" '" » sentiment sland. ^ "■'■'"""^''"■■'^"ll'ar couldn't unde»- I Wfuider diat amon^an (he wnv« do i '•>S n,, here, out ol' C'e "^ I e7 ™ i"' "'''"- upon a ,r,bT of brolherh ,o I i "•"■)."""*-'• ''''™ Int of "-hieh to talce ,, ^eo ' ' ' ?'"-', .'""""tion ceremony founded on .ic ■ „'■ , '"""l'-"'"'; ^ock. A ord/r <'-;Jii".v .M„r,;ans huhe'u' „«'"''' '''"'' '" ^'"'^ ^'^ ••''> "'^ di'-'vn'tf X? :'.'„::.:''!r "- ^'«"'-. *!- glde tuck i66 MAJOR Jones's , :i' light up ngin the great Ilorsc-Shoe Fall, what looked like as if it cum pourin out of the heavens, it was so grand and high. Some hidys was standin upon the Table Rock iookin at us. They seemed to us about as big as my fmger, and I spose we looked 'bout the same size to them. They waved ther little parasols to us, and we tuck otf our oil-cloth caps and waved 'era at them. After takin a good look from the top of the rock we went down and paddled about awhile in the water that runs through the broken rocks between the big rock and the bank, til one of us cum monstrous near gettin washed out into the lajiids. After that we went back to the room, whar we found our clothes all right. We hadn't more'n got out of the place before ther was 'bout a dozen hackmen after us to take us all over Canada if we wanted to go. One red-headed feller, what sed he was a patriot in the rebellion, and was put in prison to keep him from takin the country from the Biitish, was so pressin that four of us chartered him to go to the Burnin Spring and Lundy's Lane. At the Burnin Sprin<.^, whnr the water blazes up when you touch it oif with a Lut'ifer niutch, and burns like a fat light- wood knot, we lit our segars, and Mi\ j\Torc, who is a little hard to blie\i', burnt his finger to be certain it was no tak'e in, and then we d.uv to the battle-ground whar our brave sogers in the last war giv the liritish sich a delightful evenin's entertainment. A old chap, v/hat sjes he fit in the battle in the liritisli army, has got what he c^dls a observatory bilt on thr spot, and tells peeple nil ;;orts of a cock and bull story 'bout how the thing tuck place, for a quarter of a dollar, and always has got a few musket-balls left, th:>t was picked up on the ground. He tf;^! us a dollar's worth of his experience, riud we bought sum bullets of him, and then druv back to tiie fcny to gp over on I he American side. On this side of the river ther Is a pretty considerable 'era biick SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. j^- of n town, ami (he Yinl'on i to work for 'ei/ r^^\ ^ '^'^ ^'"^ ^lie Nin^ary i self -;^ olhor .nachine" ''^ wo ll^^^ l^""'^^' ^^^'^^ ^f »de Insin /ixin., .id ;',!'"""!'>■ '>.[ ^I'i"? Yankee 'hem.elv,.ncveVclr.aS„7"ir™' as ,l,e /ngin., Vif;rs,:-Bi^rsL;::.^':;i^,::^-^^'-.. ^«- and sccu, (bo American r.,I,.,^"™,°' "'<" Wind,,, ^vent (0 ll,e Tarrapin I! d^e n .h T '"'' ^'■'■'"■•^' "« was Jot, of l„dvi a„, ?c„tleaJn.'r'> "''»'■ "«''• places «har a oa(-squirreC ,S ' '' r" '"^""' '" ^■mb,n rocks and wadi , i^ he ? '"'"■ "^'"■'■™ aljo'if, I was b....i„nin I "i<^,;va er and (ravelin ■'■ "''"l' ^«'imul,er ,a„(!,e,.s in a ,Sn 'If "» "'o decdc, "oi|ol,t j„,„,, overboard'o, br ll ,'1 "' '''■■'' ''"''' "'^7 on ll;e a«nin.i,o,(s. ' '"'''''' "«"• "^ks climbin "e wasn't Ions ->„.;„» ,„ t ■^<"l.pod Jong onuirto" il'^.Tn*"' T"^'' "''^ ""'y T: """"^ ^v« was un,ta. wav ?'-"":''' \°'='. ^»J in a '"sovereign" of tbe "Wal 'ihii?" V^' ^'^■^'"'""c ".,»" our way down madethe t; "'''' ™""'' •"" ^ I'lat my,.|o(l,es got anv ?,1„ ,• " ''"' ''"'7 'aster, or °» « J3ri(isi> ^^0^^";;;. ■■'";' ^'^'^"^^^ I "-^-^ - "'/.:;',:";: r;;"b? »-'■ <« i;|tere. bi,„ o„ ,he ,ate, "-'- v>c uon t oif riiiinU ^ I ^ '"^''iv. lo SO lar off l'»^.^od the .in,.?"4"tr?e:i dell," ,"™'^^^ =""1 ^ fp..^ and talldn over w] 't i, I''''' f"""^'" °" ""•n l)ickin in, a lit! I '""^ *'''eJ— now and ;««-.< i) I : ! V 172 «•*■• MAJOR JONKS S that two very rich familys was try'm very hard to make a match between a Miss-Nancy sort of a son on one uide, and a Liddy-Lannjuish sort of a daughter on tho other ; but neither of the young ones seemed to have sense enulF to know how to go about it. The old peeple gin 'em all the chance they could, and helped 'em along now and then, but the young feller seemed to think more of his sorrel-colored whiskers, what grow'd all over his unmeanin face, than any thing else; and the gall, though she didn't seem to have no grate objections to the arrangement, wasn't willin, or didn't know how to do all the courtin. The old peeple managed to keep 'em together pretty well all day, only when the young spark went down now and then to git a jcwlip ; and, in the evenin the feller's daddy made him go and sitig to her; but sich singin I never heard before — half a owcr of it was enuir to kill any young woman in the world. What ellect it did have I can't say, but he kep it up 'bout six owers, 'ihout stoj)pin to give the pore gall time to draw a long breth between his bominable songs. Once or twice the inginc blowd ofl" the steam, when she couldn't hear his croakin, and it must really been a grate relief to her. At one o'clock we went to bed and left hini singin the " Minit gun at Sea," to one of the awfulest sam tunes I ever heard. At six o'clock the next mornln we waked up at Kingston, and as we had but a few minits to stop befoie we tuck another bote to go down the Saint Lawrence, we hurried up into the town to see it. We liad got most up to the grate stone Market House, what's big enufi' for five or six sich towns, when the Stuard cum runnin after us to ask us if we hadn't left a watch on the bote. Shore enuff it was Hooper's gold watch the man had in his hand. WHien Hooper olFered him a dollar for bringin it to him, he wouldn't take a cent, and away he w^ent. ' Very well," ses Hooper, " that watch is worth jest 1 t 11 WvF.TClIRS OK TRAVKI.. 173 one Iniiulivd and fifty (lollars more to me, ll»an if it had been l(!ft on a New York bt)tt'." , • i • After takin a look at the market-liousc, which is more like a castle than a plaee to sell meat and vege- tables, and which I expect was intended as miieli loi one as the other, we started for the garrison, to see the mornin parade of the sogers. When we got to the giites the 71st rigment of Highland Light Inhmtry was drillin in the sfpiare ; but as we went to walk in to see Vt a u'Tly-lookin customer, what was standin on gard at llie gate, brung his bayonet down whhin 'bout three inches of my nose. "Take care," ses T, "Mister! what the thunder is you about ?" He sort o' o-rinned, and didn't say nolhin. Then Hooper walKed upon tother side, and he poked his bayonet rite at him. "Aui't thar no admission?" ses Hooper. The feller shuck his hed. «' He must be dum," ses Hooper. , , , "Or maybe he talks Highland, and can't understand American," ses 1. . i <. Jest then a chap with a red cap and sum extra but- tons on his cote, cum to the gate, and told us that nobody wasn't allowed to cum in thar, and that we musn't talk to the sentinel on the post; and the teller ^vith the bayonet begun to ^valk up and down agin as stiir as a handspike, and lookin savage as a meat-axe. By this time the ladys from the bote cum iip, and fore they know'd thar wasn't no admission, they marched rite through the gate, and the gent emen all lolered 'em TliS feller with the bayonet looked monstrous sheepish, but even he couldn't charg-e bayonet on a plattoon of butiful American galls, and was compel ed lo surrender to charms such as he wasn't used to seem "};f:i^^^Saflerwewent in, the rigment was u 4> ^^- ...^ .x> IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) V #/ :A ^'^ f/>. 1.0 !-:iM I.I 2.2 S^ lis 10 IL25 i 1.4 6" 1.6 % <^ /}. m W/ w e": SI ^A y ^ 4. -'J- f ///// !Jhr\fr>rmoT-\r»-ir^ Sciences Corporation 23 WRST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, NY. 14580 (716) 872-4503 ^ iV \\ hort petticotes, gwine to milk the cows. From the top of the stage we could look rite down into the chamber winders, and evry now and then I could see a pair of bright eyes peepin out through the mornin-glorys and trumpet- I flow of b like( lonj; li the moi Ex( So SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 179 flowers at us. The whole eight miles was a panorama of buty, and glad as I was to see Montreal, I would liked it very well if the rode had been a little longer. ,,. But the wheels of our coach was soon rollin over the wooden pavements of the city, and in a few mmits more we found ourselves all safe and sound at the Exchange Hotel, with good appetites for our brecklusts So no more from i -i i n Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones 24 * 180 MAJOR Jones's LETTER XXI. New York, July 24, IS' 6. To Mr. Tuoji'i-soN -.—Bear Sir— After brushin up a little and gettin a fust rate breckfust, we tuck a stroll through the town to see the curiosities. I could spend a week very well in this city, lookin about among the churches and nunneries and soger's quarters and other public places, but as I didn't have no time to spare, I had jest to give evry thing a passin glance, 'thout s?toppin long enutl'to know much about it. Under sich circumstances you musn't expect me to give you much of a description of Montryal. If I was travelin like Mr. Dickens or Captain Marry- att, or any of them English travellers, jest to make a book for a peeple who is so blinded with prejudice that they can't see any thing but faults, it wouldn't make no difference whether I know'd much about the things I described or not; all I'd have to do wouM jest be to go ahed and find all the fiiult I could with evrybody, and with evry thing I heard of or seed sot down in the gide-books; and the further I cum from the truth, so I went on the black side of it, the better I would please. But I ain't a writin for n.o sich peeple, and I'm not gwine to find fault with ivhat I don't know nothin about, jest for the sake of ault-fmdin. The fust place we went to was the grate French 'Cathedral in Notre Dame street, a regular Noah's Ark of a meetin-house you may depend, what holds twenty thousand peeple 'ihout crowdin 'em, and takes two hundred and eighty-five steps to go to the top of its towers. _ Ther was a grate many picters and sum wax figers in it, but ther names was all so outlandish that I ^ t SKETCHES OF TRAVKL. 181 t couldn't make 'em out. After lookin aboiU in tl.e church for a^vhile, ^ve went to the Grey Nunnery Here ^ve seed lots of nuns nud sisters ot ,*anty akin "re of little children what hail no fathers and mo hers, and of sieh peenle what had no money and no Irends to do for 'em I'lien we went to the Hotel Dieu, what Ma da Monk Rives sieh a terrible bad account of in her book; tlZ t."the Bishop's Chapel whieh is one of he finest churches on the Comment; and then to the Parivmen House, whar the Canady peep e make sic Iws as t her mas ers over the water don't care about troublin themselves with. The bildin ain't no grate shake compared to what sum of our state capi tols is but iSri-Jd oil- in mighty line style inside, with red, velvet amf gold-leaf, tS keep the pecple in inind oi whi monslrSus hue peeple .her Roya masted i^ Ue gentleman what show'd is «'. 1'"' " °"V"^!,/°i''lt ^f sum of the kings.ai, |"-'- ^^^^ ;;', » e "uUl i^ti^rt^irui^feVl; 4i r. r.n«t;n vote on a proposition to annex Lanaay ly e Ced States Si'ch 'a measure of human emanci- J"ti™ tuld be worth all the laws ever made m that n^m the Parlyment Ho- - -t - the^ W^^^^^^^^ Si-t^fa^JlWrs all o" rle city, and ther red coTes and shiniii ''^yonets was to be seen at evry o sf^^iraS!^^«i^.;.-rg^^ S;tcSra.;atrcort'r;':"whi,eoursoW 185 MAJOR JONKS'S is armed and fed to protect the peeplo, their's is put thar to subject the pec])lc! who su})ports " em. Il' to make a man's blood bile, to see them swarms s enufl rms ot grate lazy hulks sunin themselves about on the pave- ments, and loungin round ther quarters, wailin like blood-hounds jest to be sot loose on the pore people, to tear 'em to pieces for the bone that they git from the table of ther masters. And the pore devils ain't very \yell kept nuther, for I seed lots of 'em without tlie sign of a pair of trouses to ther legs any more'n a Seminole Ingin, and with nothin but a sort of red-plad huntin shirt on, that jest cum down to ther nees. In the afternoon we tuck a drive round the mounting to see the guvernor's house, and at five o'clock in the eyenin tuck passage in the steambote Queen for Qucbeck. The scenery on the Saint Lawrence was very butiful, and we sot up til twelve o'clock to see Saint Peter's Lake. About seven o'clock the next mornin we arriv at Quebeck, and druv to Payne's Hotel in the Place de Armes. The fust place I wanted to go to was the famous Gibralter of America, the fortress of Quebeck; but Mr. Payne sed we'd have to wait til he could git a permit for us to visit the Ciladel ; so we tuck a calash and went out to the Plains of Abraham, whar the grate battle was fit what lost France her Northern possesshuns in America. I don't remember to what Saint the gate we went out at belonged, but that doesn't matter— a Frenchman tuck us to the Plains, whar w^e had a quiet view of that place whar so much gallantry was dis- played, and so much blood spilled on the 14th of Sep- tember, 1759. It's a butiful place to fght a battle, and I can't see w^hat ever possessed the brave Mont.^alm, with his undisciplined troops, to give Wolf and his British regulars battle thar, when he mought have defended himself so much better in his works, even poor and weak as they was then. It was a hard piece of bisness, that contest, in which France lost her Gene- SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. 183 I ) ra\ ami her cause ; and thou-h tl,o Eng Ush m.«y ^ *'! dooms-day to make the riencli Canadians lorn t 1 he See they have suiroro.l, by g vm iher Calhol.c c ,uohos all sorts of ,,rivil,ges, and by b>ld.n mom;- ments like they have in the I'alaoe Gard.n' with WoU s name 'on one siL and Montealm's on the other, tryin o make the honors o.' that day easy between em.-they never can make loyal, contented subjects ou oi em , s l,m<^ as Cape Diamond stands whar it does. While heyVe in the reach of British bayonets they don't make ,,,/fuss, but rebelhon is slickin out of 'em all over a /d the fust right good chance they git they'll g.v^ ther conquerors plenty to do to keep 'em under. It any- bodv wants any proof of ther bad feehns agin lie Sh iest let 'em look at Wolf's Monument what ftandson he spot whar he fell. The words " n.ur. dh™ Wo,,r vicTonious," that was cut deep m the solid marble, is peeked and battered so rite in s gh of he sentry on the walls of the citadel, that il it wasAH for h^e gide-book nobody could tell what was on i? Every countryman that crosses over the Plains with a basket of eggs for the market, gives ,t a pelt Vilh I stone, til the' whole side of the monument is almost nocked off. , . ^t.^.ipi K„t After dinner we got a permit to go in *» c ade but they sent a sargeant with us, who watched a U he time like he was 'fraid we was gwine to tf^^^^^^/he i,owder-ma thousand miles-I've seed sum f ™ stales, and more'n five hundred cities and 192 MAJOR JONES'S SKETCHES OF TRAVEL. towns — Fve seed the northern peeple, in thcr cities, in ther towns and in the country, and though I've got a good deal better opinion of 'em sense I've been among 'era a little, than I had afore, still I say, give me old Georgia yet. We hain't got so many cities, nor sich fine ones — we hain't got so much public improvements and all them sort o' things — but we've got a plenty of evry thing that is necessary to make us independent and happy. We've got as fine a soil, a finer climate, as smart men, and handsumer wimmin than any other country in the world, and nothin can hinder us from bein one of the greatest states in the Union, if we go to work as we ought to, and develop our own resources. I blieve a jurney to the North is calculated to do a southern man a grate deal of good, if he goes thar in the rite sperit and for the rite purpose. He will see thar a grate deal to be proud of as a American, and much to be ashamed of as a white man. He will find all sorts of peeple thar — sum that is examples of patriot- ism, intelligence, and enterprise, and sum that ain't no manner of account on the face of the yeath, only to kick up a eternal rumpus and keep the world in a everlastin stew about ther new-fangled fooleries ; and though, as a peeple the Northerners is very different from us in a grate many things, the majority of 'em is actuated by the same impulses, and is strivin on for wealth and power like all the rest of the world. Ther's a good deal of ignorance and prejudice at the North, to be shore, specially about matters wdiat don't consarn ther own interests ; but it is to be hoped that whar ther is so much patriotism and intelligence, they will sum day larn to mind ther own bisness, and leave other peeple's consarns to be reguhted by ther own consciences and ther own judgments. Ilopin that we may both live to see that d-iy, I sign myself Your trend til deth, Jos. Jonls. f THE END. ■^'^v '. #