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'M :an (lorflon'H PorriflK*"-P'it . Iftl JeanJf Deans 188 Jpanio's f 'oiuin' 138 John and Will .152 John Arnotts Bairns 17ft John «lass 'J» John MfWait and Jean MrRa»' .17H Johnni»' Artnstroii}; 'M Keep Your K«'ttl»' 14 lj\mini«'loo W Let Him l.fioSH. W Love Rick l.V> May Hf'aven Fru-jrive Him 4!i McCallmii iuid the SVitch 2T4 Mr. and -Mrs*. Tainaon 26fl Mrs. Sherlock liio Mud ami Huat 140 My Beantiful Tulips 87 My Bonnie Bairn 88.S My Jennie . . . . 70 My Lov»> 41 Natural Wool 1S» Nell Prondfoot Sflfi Never Botlier a Sick Shoemaker . 05 Never Marry a Widow 12ft No Earthly .Toy 27 No Expericiioc . . 5fi No Relation 88 NoStrenKtli 65 Nothing Ct-rtain 67 Nothing Li^t't 65 Now and Tlu-n 113 O. Lucy, will ye Ganjf wi" Me y . . . 44 Ord, the Circus Man 286 Otherwise Engaged 168 Outs and Ins of Matrimony 297 Palmer'n Exhibition . I'afrlotlBm 13 Pay on Delivery . ..lOft Revii'wing the Circumstances 'JOfc U»'v. .lohn Brown and Kcrgusnon 28i> Roherf Tannaliill 72 Uohin 81 Rf .use Him Up 15« Sandy's Well 215 Say NoSlfire 81 Scotland 117 Shakespeare 107 She Liked Him Rale Weel 4 She I^st Her Wig 124 She Pursed Up Her Lips 179 Shoot Him fanny Ml Sir Walter Scott M Sir Walter Scott's r»rinking-ciip 1ft Something Worst* 8fi Spigot and TMn 104 Steadfast Love 30 Stf>ne Masons Wanted ft9 Stop 8 Strength of Will «7 Strike the Iron 109 Sweel Belle Isle 105 Sweetest Flower 88 Taken Apart OS The Auld Sangs 217 The Banks o" Doon 866 The Black Douglas 91 The Burning o' the Breoks . 2.59 The Church Bell 80 The Coming of the Robin 185 The Cutting of the Corsets Ill The Daft Days 198 The Downfall of the Stove 280 The Drouthy Year 231 The Fairies 103 The First Bite 12 The Giant of St. Abbs 169 The Horrors of War 184 The Judge Laugh«-d .')7 The I,a88ie wi" Lint-white Locks.. 17 The Last Man 8 The Liberty of the Press 62 The Links o" Love 168 The Miller's Daughter 1.30 The Minister and the Man 282 The Power of Snuff 194 4\ d Tlil CONTENT*. -r Th*' Road to Matrimony 80 The Rung and Mnuff Curo 181 TIh- Harnirt Tunnel 8M Tho Hpiiinlnfr Wheel M Thf S(or.v of I'rlnee Charles . . 832 The Hwmi of Avon. 4V The Town of Wyandotte ?O0 The W/iHhiitK Day Hft Tin- Wc(i|>on Kfll IRT Tlu' WliiHth' Bl.'W »» The Wife of Tjiniiiiermnor 1»W) The Wooden Ia'h 141 The Wronjf Kcnl 21 They Keliimefl In a Hurry lOS TlionmH (.'aniphcll 87 Too Dear ]|g Tw«t Love T>ettent iffi Upward Teart 88 What Are Ye Dolnjc Here * 138 What He Hafffred 148 Widow Nailor 77 Wives Can po No Wronj? 801 Women in our Honrn of Kase . lOrt Working the Oracle ;«) Wor«l of All 87 You May Go HO You Shall Have It 75 Yoiith vs. Age IBS THE LAST MAN. A fUtwn tlif strf'ot .ludpp Winder camp. And he had his pold specks on. And there he met, a-comlnff up, His old friend William Jackson. Quoth William " How's the Judge, this morn '/ Quoth he " I'm worse than ill : Ah, me, I see by slow deirrecs I'm creepin/r down the hill. "Last night, as on my bed I lay, The thought did me astound, That soon not one ^ood man will l»e Alive above the ground." STOP. John Cranky was a wee bit man. Knack-kneed and bent twa fauld ; He had a wife, and by my faith, She was baith big and bauld. A(! day he opened out on her When she was at the washing. And he wi' waspish words ga'e lier A virulent tongue-lasbing. She looked and said "Just stop your yaff; If ye no stop it soon I'll ram ye head-lang in the kirn And dash the dasher doon. " f.t I SKETCHES AND A^TXDOTES. PALMER'S KXIIIBITION. ^ SoriH' folk iniiy sing 'bout dove-cved piw't'. And sotiu- 'bout strife and war. AikI some about a iiiaid or wife May Htrikc the lijj;ht guitar, And some may write 'IvmU moons and ntars To show tiieir i rudition. But as for me, I'll sing wi' pith 'Bout Palmer's exhibition. We sent Tom Palmer 'cross the sea, Unto a place called Spain, But ev'rything went wrong, so we Recalled him back again: The bungling blockheads in New York Are no worth recognition. The deil a ane o' them could run Columbia's exhibition! Tom Palmer is a marvelous man, He's travelent.J I hu'e H bird, ii boiinie bird, And K()I)iii is its name, TwiiH st'Ut to me wi' liindly wordn Frae my iiuld Scottisli hame. And wlien it cam' unto my iiand It looked sac dull and wae, Nue doot it njissed the tlow'ry glen The burnie and the brae. There's raair than you, my bonnie bird, Ila'e croKsed the raging main, Wha mourn the blythe, the happy day* Tliey'll never see again. Sweet bird! Come sing a sjing to me, Unmindfu' o' our ills; And let us think we're once again Mang our ain heather hills. The joyfu' hours o' nameless bliss, O, come ye back to me; My love! my lost! again we meet Aneath the trysting-tree. 0, sing to rae. my bonnie bird, And ilka note o' thine Will conjure up the gladsome days — The joys o' auld lang syne. THE WRONG SEAL. Before the introduction of the penny postage system, the envelope was rarely or ever to be seen. Letters were generally written on quarto sheets of paper, and folded up and sealed with wax. Every man, of any con- sequence, carried a bunch of seals on his watch chain, which hung dangling down from his watch-pocket or spung. A number of ladies sealed their letters with the end of their thimbles, and this manner of sealing w^as designed to convey the impression that the sender was possessed of industrious habits. The wafer was seldom ^!li, d r 93 HKETCIIES AND ANK<.DOTK8. H l! i il iii; i :, used, as letters thus closed could be easily opened by the inquisitive, by holding them to the kettle spout when the kettle got her steam up. Thomas Lilly's wife died, and he sent letters to all his friends to attend her fun- eral. The day after her funeral David Peaden came down from Kijpallet and he called upon Thomas. " David," quo' Thomas. " I was disappointed that ye didna' come to the funeral." " How could ye expert me to come to the funeral?" quo' David, " when on the seal o' the letter was the motto — ' Ye may a' gang to the deevil.' " On hearing this Thomas raised his hands, his chin fell upon his breast, he sank into a chair, and he lost his breath for a space. When this was regained, with faltering words he said, "Mercy me! I ha'e sealed them wi' the wrang seal." A GRAND VIEW. One day Rab Niel, the blacksmith of Longformacus, waited on the laird of the parish, and he said : " I wish ye guid mornin', laird, and I hope last night ye had a guid night's rest, as ye are weel deservin' o' a' the mercies that heaven can send, and I wad be muckle obliged to ye, forby payment, if ye wad gi'e me pasture for ma coo." " Yes, Rab," said the laird, "ye can get that — ye can tak' her up to the tap o' Dirrington hill." " But there's nae grass there," said Rab. " There's niothing there to feed a coo. I'll no tak' her there — there's naething there but cauld and hunger and big stanes and muckle rocks." " I ken that," said the laird. " But, guid guide us a', Rab, ye dinna tak' into consideration what a grand view she'll ha'e!" IP , 5 !■] SKETCHES ANh AXKCKOTEfl. ia JOHN GLASS. Come luiten, lords und liulics gay, To this aullientic tale About John Glass, a publican, Who lived In f.audcrdak'. He still may be alive and well. For aujj:ht that I can say. Though I've not heard his merry laujjfh For many a live lonor And Andrew wjis his name, And he has fa 'en deep in love Wi' bonnie Maggie Graham. Now Andrew was as braw a lad As ever held a plow; True was his heart, and manly woriii Was stamped upon hi.s brow. He lov'd but one and one alone. fie lov'd her every hour; He was not like the bu.sy bee That flit.s from tlower to flower. But wha can paint sweet Maggie Graham? She was beyond compare; Within her heart the richest gifts Frae Heaven were centered there. Sweet is the flower in craggy gk-n That blooms without a name, IJut sweeter far the sunny smile O' bonnie Jlaggie Graham! She'd lilt and .sing the lee-lang day Auld Scotland's .sangs sae dear; Her artless notes, how sweet they fell Upon the list'ning ear. How aft they met doon in the glen Beneath the moon'.s pale beam, lh>\\ aft he tauld his tale o' line Beside the winding .stream. O' a' the gifts that Heaven has sent Since man frae bliss did fa", The precious gift o' woman's love Is far abune them a'. 'Tv> ;is in the blythsonie simmer time. All in the month o' May, When Andrew and his ain true love Gaed up the Millwood brae. an th to ca <( Sc bo ha Wf liv CO lie asi :i!' SKKTCIIES AND ANKCDOTES. 33 The hawthorn IrmI^^c was rich in bloom, Tiie llowers w( re fresh iiiid fair, Th(! birds r(!Joi(;'(i — eVn heaven sniil'd Upon this happy pair I They reache ilr i: 1. '!!' TOO DEAR. The word "coft" is a classical Scotch word. In the vulgar English it means to buy or to purchase. It is tellingly introduced in the old song : " I coft a stane o' haslock woo." which means that a stone of wool had been bought that had been obtained from the neck of a sheep. By this example the intelligent reader will, no doubt, perceive the beauty and condensation of the one language and the redundant verbosity of the other. There is an old saying "that nothing should be done without a purpose" and my purpose is again to resuscitate this word. John Ballantyne was a herder among the hills. He was very penurious, and kept a double knot on the strings of his purse. One day he was going to Dunbar, and his wife said to him, "John, when ye are in Dunbar I wad like if ye wad buy me a new bible wi' big print, as I canna see sae guid as I did when you and I first got ac(|uainted wi' ane another." When he returned from Dunbar, quo' the wife, "John, did ye bring the bible?" " Na, ua," quo' John, "they were maist extraordinary dear — the very deevil wadna have coft ane o' them. LET HIM LOOSE. In the parish o' Stow, Midlothian, lived Robbie Roughead, who was a very timid man. On the morn- ing of his marriage day a most unaccountable fear came over him and he ran and hid himself in a peat-bog. The minister arrived and he ordered some of the people to bring him in, and they tied a halter about him and they pulled him in by main force. At the conclusion of the ceremony the minister said: "It is all over now — ye may take oft" the halter and let him loose." SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 39 ii THE ROAD TO MATRIMONY. Grace Glonwood was a blooming maid Whom old and \ouiig admir"d, And many a lad, both rich and poor. Her heart and hand desir'd. Now she resided with her aunt, And I with truth confess, Her aunt was just as cross an aunt As ever trod the grass. She'd lash her niece with her long tongue, My faith she'd let her ken That she would be the death o' her If she spoke to the men. One night she took a kind o' dwam. And off she went to bed, And lo, at this her lovel}' niece Was most extremely glad. She heard a rap, then to the door On tip-toe ofT she ran, And in a crack she was emlirac'd By John, the miller's man. They kissed, and kissed, and better kiss'd. And then quoth he " next e'en I'll yoke the mare, and Grace my dear. We'll drive to Gretna Green." To this Grace Glenwood gave consent. And after some more speaking, John left, and Grace went ben the house And f(mnd her aunty sle«!piug. Next night John yoked his guid gray mare. And. quick as I can tell, A female form leaped in the cart, And off they went pell-mell. Now when they passed the three-mile stone, The moon began lo shine-. And then he cried, " Oh, Grace, my dear, Your aunt will soon iie mine. 40 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 11: O, Grace, I swear by moon and stars, I never felt so canty." He looked, instead of having Grace, Guid faith, he had her aunty I Then he roared to his mare " Wo, wo, Stand still, stand still, ye brute." Thon down he sprang, and dear sakes me, He coupit aunty cot! FARE YE WELL. 'Tvvas on a summer's evening when Mr. George Craig's work was done, that he, like Southey's Caspar, was sitting in the sun. As he sat he Avas shooting folly as it flies. He wondered how people could scamper hither and thither in this hot and sultry weather instead of sitting calmly on the doorstep and imitating the example of wise men. As he thus sat, an old man approached, " Whose withered cheek and tresses gray, iSeemed to have known a better day." He grasped Mr. Craig by the hand and said: "C^eorge Craig, I have got wind of ye. I have got hold of ye at the lang and the last!" Mr. Craig looked at him and he said: " Wha are ye? Upon my honor, I dinna ken ye frae Adam." " What!" cried the stranger, " although I havena' seen jq for saxty years, I kent ye at the first glance. My name is Bauldy Drummond, and when we were bairns many is the time that we have played together upon the cold commons o' Coldingham.'* " Dear me," cried Mr. Craig, " I mind o' you and I mind o' your father afore ye." " When ye speak about my father," replied Mr. Drummond, " ye touch a tender spot. I Avent awa frae home, and every year I returned to see my father. The first year he convoyed me away. m^ SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 41 and on the top o' Horsley hill he said ' Fare ye well.* The next year he said ' Fare ye well ' at the foot o' the hill. The next vear he came to the door, and he looked at me so waesorae like, when he said the waesome words, ' Fare ye well.' " MY LOVH I weary a' the day, and I weary a' the night, I weary for the darkness, and I weary for the light, There's naething round about me but clouds o' dool and care. Oh, wae is me I my love is gane — she's gane for everuiair. Oh! nevermair we'll wander on the bonnie banks o' Dye, Nae mair I'll see the love-light tliat glisten'd in her eye: The links o' love are broken and my heart is sad and sair. Oil, wae is me I my love is gane — she's gane for evermair. Oil, weel I mind the gowden days away in the lang syne, When underneath the greenwood tree she laid her hand in mine; But now the days of joy are tied and sunk in dark despair, Oh, wae is mel my love is gane — she's gane for evermair. The shades o' night were deep'ning and the cloud was in the sky. My love lay down upon her couch to sleep — to sleep — to die; There's sadness in the sunlight, there's sadness everywhere, Oh, wae is mel my love is gane — she's gane for evermair. FAIR WEATHER. An old sea captain (whose name has unfortunately escaped my memory) died in the parish of Westruther. After his death his effects were sold off by public roup. James Clapperton, an anti<]uated weaver, who wore knee-breeks and euitikins, to the end of his days, attended the sale. After a warm contest between Jenny Allan and James, an old barometer was knocked down to him for 28. 6^d. Now James took the barometer home, hung it up and gazed at the relic with a feeling of pride, as he was well acquainted with the auld sea 4 c {"i I i t IP) i m >i i I ' i 42 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. captain. Something or another, however, was wrong with the instrument, for it failed to determine the state of the weather. Though the winds howled, and the tempests raved, yet it still pointed to fair weather. One dav it came on a furious rain and James consulted his barometer. He lost all patience. He raised the win- dow, and seizing the barometer by the butt end, shoved its head out and said, " Blast ye; ye can see for yersel'!" THE SWAN O' AVON. Duncan Peterkin had a by-ordinar' appetite for dra- matic literature. He was conversant with the works of Beaumont and Fletcher, Ben Jonson, Massinger, Ford, and others. His great and grand idol, however, was William Shakespeare, whom he invariably called the " The Swan o' Avon," One dav, in course of con versa- tion, when Jock Trotter, the butcher was present, Dun- can made the remark that he " wad gie baith his left arm and his right leg if he could get baud o' the ' Swan o' Avon's' first folio." At this remark Jock looked as if he saw all the wonders of the world at one glance, and then he said: " Losh guide us a', Duncan, man, what kind o' a beast is't?" MAY HEAVEN FORGIVE HIM. Little Will Hastie was a kick above the commonality of ne'er-do-weels. He was the ring-leader in all kinds of mischief. Such an imp of Satan, I am sure, could not be discovered from Berwick bounds to the back of beyond. One day Jean Steedman, the grocer, sought out Will's father and complained that Will had tied up her door, choked up her lum-head, and with a kail-runt had nearly " scorafished " the very life oot of her. His TT SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 43 father replied : " I ha'e used a dizen o' rods o' correc- tion on Will's back; I ha'e hamshackled him; I ha'e locked him up; and I ha'e taken twa or three staps oot o' his bicker; but a' to nae purpose." Then laying his hand on Mrs. Steedman's shoulder, he said : " But there is ae consolation, and it is this, that although the deevil is sometimes slow, yet, nevertheless, at the lang run, and in due course, he aye gets his ain." These cold-hearted words were too much for Mrs. Steedman. A tear welled from her eye and fell upon the back of her wrinkled hand, and she said: " May heaven forgie him, as I for- gie him, for, wi' a' his faults, the puir wee laddie lies unco near ma heart." \r. m ■ 1: i« f i ! A JOVIAL SOLDIER. Much wind has been wasted in the attempt to prop up the bombastical doctrine of evolution. In contradic- tion I do not consider myself as good a man as my father. In other words, instead of improving I have degenerated. In a moment of vanity, if I should take it into mv head to believe that I have evolved and improved, I give my friend David Beveridge full liberty to come and lash me within an inch of my life. In fur- ther proof of my argument, Ruben Handyside was no improvement upon his father. Instead of being so he was a perfect failure. One day Ruben went to St. Bos- well's fair, and he took it into his head that he would evolve into a soldier ; consequently he enlisted, and after taking a glass or two, he returned home in great glee. He danced into the house, where he found his father sitting by the fire. He roared out : " Father, I'm now a jovial soldier." His father looked at him with a look of sadness, and then he said : " Ruben, half a dizzen bullets into ye will take the jovialty out o' ye." ! ' 1 44 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. ■)f'^ ■.,i O, LUCY, WILL YE GANG WF ME? O, Lucy, will ye gang wi' me To the bonnie braes o' the Dimples? Where the heather blooms sae bonnielye, Where the Dye sae sweetly wimples. The road winds through the Lammermoor, The way will no be dreary, O, I could gang the world o'er Alang wi' you, my dearie! 0, come wi' me, my bonnie lass, I'll row my plaid aboot ye, The light o' heaven is in yere face. I cunna live withoot ye. Wlien ye are hame at my fireside. How dearly I will lo'e thee! Yell h' my ain, my bonnie bride, And !: m: life I'll woo thee! He's ta'eu his Lucy. by the hand, And they are aff thegither; A brawer pair in a' the land Ne'er crossed the blooming heather. As o'er the moor they linked alang, The hills forgot their sadness, The dowie glens and valleys rang Wi' sangs o' joy and gladness. HE UNCOVERED HIS HEAD. [Inscribed to Mrs. Margaret Brack.] Not far distant from where Sir Walter Scott lays the scene of the "Bride of Laramermoor " is the kirk town of Abbey St. Bathans. It is surrounded on all sides by heath-clad hills and moorland wastes, but in its immediate vicinity, in striking contrast, are seen the fairy nook, the woodland glade, and the fertile vale. On a beautiful table land are the ruins of an Abbey or Monastery, which was dedicated to St. Bernard, and founded bv the Coimtess of March in 1170: ^p* T^ SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 45 There by the old romantic toon The Whitaflder rins rowin' doon, And lingers in her sea-ward rac<> As laith to leave so sweet a phico; Green grows the grass, the woods how green. Nature ne'er made a fairer scene! By the side of the Monienut burn, a tributary of the Whitadder, on a beautiful lawn between two shelving l^anks, scooped out by the hand of nature, stands the Angler's Inn. It is a single story thatched cottage, and looks so cozy and comfortable that one, tired of city life, would there be fain to spend the evening of his days in tranquility and peace. This inn, within the memory of the present writer, was greatly frequented by anglers and tourists in search of sport and the pictur- esque. It was kept by Martha Pringle, an old maiden lady, who was famed far and near for her neatness and hospitality. We can yet see her, in our mind's eye, standing at her door with a face brimful of kindness, dressed in a gown of linsey-woolsey, a toy or mutch on her head as white as the driven snow, and suspended from her apron-string, hanging dangling down, the keys of her bedrooms, kists and cupboards. With her resided two helpers, the one a bright little girl by the name of Jenny, who acted as scodgy, or maid of all work; the other, her oldest brother, Sandy, who was almost as blind as a mole, yet, notwithstanding, he had an excellent ear for music, and was in the habit of lead- ing the psalm in the parish church. To give the reader an inkling of his character, an anecdote may here be introduced. He had a sister who lived at Godscroft, in the capacity of house maid, who was soon to be a bride, and on a Sabbath morning, when the Rev. Mr. Wallace was about to begin the exercises in the church, Sandy 46 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. V)i: rose in the desk and said: " There is a purpose o' mar- riage atween our Lizz and Tamraie Tarason, and if any man, woman or bairn ha'e ony objections, let them speak clean oot, and if no, may they haud their lang tongues forever. Amen." On a beautiful autumn forenoon, when the black- binls were pouring forth their sweetest notes, the linnet singing on the whin-bushes, the shillfa on the tree, and the lark carolling up to the very gates of heaven^ Martha Pringle stood at her door humming the old song, which, according to tradition, was made on John Anderson, the town piper of Kelso: John Anderson, my jo, John, Cum in as ye gae by. And ye shall get a sheep head Weel baken in a pie; Weel baken in a pie, John, And a haggis in a pat, .John Anderson, my jo, John, Cum in and ye'U get that! John Anderson, my jo, John, Ye're king amang the men, Ye cast the glamour ower us a' When ye cum dancin' ben, And when ye screw yer pipes, John, We're at it heel and toe; Ye'd mak' the dish loup ower the spoon, John Anderson, my jo. She looked up and she saw somebody coming up the banks of the burn. He was, I trow, one of nature's noblemen — stalwart in frame and erect in stature. His long silken hair hung over the collar of his shooting jacket, a kindly smile overspread his face, and his bright, blue eye may be compared to the eye of Mars, "to threaten or command." Martha trotted down the path- SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 47 way as fast her feet could carry her, and she cried as she drew near her visitor, " bless ray heart, my bonnie man, and do I live to see ye ance mair ? Ilech me, Mr. Wullson, I'm fair oot o' breath, I ha'ena had siccan a race for mony a day. Oh, dear me, I'm sae uplifted that ray heart is dunt duntin' against ray ribs like a pair o' fanners, Gi'e me yer hand, Mr. Wullson," and she looked up in his face, and frora the bottom of her heart she said: " O, man! ye're as welcome as the flowers of Mav!" and hand in hand the two walked together into the Angler's Inn! " Noo, Mr. Wullson," continued Martha, when they got into the parlor, " sit ye doon on that chair till I get a guid look at ye; and ha'e ye walked a' the lang road from Cockburnspath, but hoo's the guidwife and a' the bairns V Bless me, after yer long tramp ye'll be famishin' o' hunger." Although Jenny was invisible, Martha turned round and cried out at the top of her voice, "Jenny! Jenny! ye ne'er tlo- weel that ye are, is the kail ready ? Oh, ye lazy, sack- less, guid-for-naething, were I at yer haffits I would gi'e ye yer kail through the reek! I'll dress ye up, ye lazy tawpie! I'll drive some smeddura into ye. I dinna ken what keeps my hand frae knockin' yer glaiket hea ANECDOTES. 49 I for sail' e'en ; and hoo ha't* ye ])een, and lioo has this warld o' sin and misery been usein' ye? Whan did ye come, hoo did ye come, and hoo is every inch o' ye ? The ne'er o' the like o't was ever kent, ye slippit on me like a knotless thread, and me plowterin' awa amans^ tiie 'taties! Guid keep me, man I what way did ye no send a body word that ye was corain', and I wad ha'e received ye purpose like, wi' a clean shaved beard and ray 8ini- day claes on? The only thing that makes me ferlie, Mr. Wullson, is, that dressed in ma cordiirov rags ye didna 7 7 a Cj %, mistak' me for a 'tatie bogle. But hover a blink, I'll be upsides wi' ye for a' that, for whan I gang to Edin- burgh to see ye, I'll come on ye like a flash o' fire, and we'll ha'e sic a time — we'll be out and in, and see a' the folk and the ferlies, and our tongues will just gang like twa pen-guns. But I'm doubtin' I would soon be tracheld clean dune, and be glad to get awa hame frae amang ye a'." " Now, Sandy," said the professor, '' I dinna want to hear onv mair o' ver clashmaclavers. Ilka year ye ha'e tauld me the same story, and ye've never yet set your nose past my door-cheek; but whan ever ye come, Sandy, ye shall be made welcome. Tak' ray word for't, ye winna stand shiverin' at my door like a dosr in a wet sack.' "Ilech rae!" said Sandv, "Mr. Wullson, ye maun excuse me, I muckle doot I'm getting fair horn daft! I'm beginning to think that I will never see the bonnie toun o' Edinburgh. The notion comes and gangs that I winna be lang aboon the yird — that the grass will soon be growin' owre my grave. My banes are a' sair, and I ha'e an unco pain in the links o' ma neck, strikin' doonwards into my l)risket, and war.st o' a', I'm getting that blind, for to tell ye the even doon truth, if it wasna for the feel, I wadna ken a chuckie 00 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 111! I.";' stane t'rae a potatoe. But the thinjif that vexes me mail* than onything else is when Vm ta'en awa wha will tliey get to sing in the kirk ? There's nane in a' the bounds can raise the psalm, wi' the exce[)tion o' Tarn Dodds, but ye canna ca't singin' for the muckle sumph just roars like a coo in a strange loanin'. IJut niair than that, Mr. VVullson, I canna brag muckle o' his character. Sax years bye-gane, come next St. Bosweii's fair, he gaed into Kdinburgh and he drank till he hadna ae bawbee to rub against another, and for some graceless pliskie that he played they chained him up, like a wild beast, in ane o' the strongest cells o' the Tollbooth. Noo, Mr. Wullson, after that exploit, do you think it would be creditable to mak' him the second man iti the kirk V" The professor laughed, and he said '* that the minister and the elders ought to be the best judges." " Ye're wrang there, Mr. Wullson," Sandy replied; "the only music notes thev ken auarht aboot is the knots in their l)arriteli; they're like the lasses o' Lockermacus, they a' sing by the lug. But there's oor Jenny, she can sing, for I ha'e gi'en her the edication, but it would never do, Mr. VVullson, to set her up in the desk. Vet I ha'e often thouglit that it wad ha'e been better, if it had been the will o' Providence, had she been born a laddie instead o' a lassie, and then I wad, when my time cam', gi'en up the ghost wi' some satisfaction." As Sandy uttered the last word he stuck the spade into the ground, by way of adding force to his remarks. Some more words Avere gathering about his tongue roots when the lassie Jenny, with her face newly washed, and her hair smoothly t'ombed, came into the garden with a step as light as a fairy, and bashfully courtesyed to the profes- sor, and said : " Mr. Wullson, you and Sandy maun KK ETCHES AM) ANECDOTEH. 51 come aw.V into the hooHe, for the dinner's reii NO STKKNGTH. Bauldy Balfour was an auotioiieer on the Borders. Ac day he roupit aflF a number o' grass parks, and after the roup was over the company sat doon to dinner in the ptiblic-hoose. After *he dinner tlie toddy was as plentiful as rain water in wash tubs. The toddy had the effect o' makin' Bauldy unco canty and frolicsome, and next raornin' whan his head was on the bowster, and it was reelin' round like a cart wheel at full speed, in bangs his mither-in-law upon him. Ma certy, she did gie him a rakin' over the coals — she howkit doon to the very roots o' his character. When she went awa and left him to his misery, he says to hissel', * Dod rabbit her picture, if I only had had ony strength remainin' I wad hae lifted up ma hammer and knockit her doon to the highest bidder." NOTHING LEFT. In Scotland "ye are like the cooper o' Fogo — your father's better " — is a household saying. I have been at some trouble to find out the origin of this saying, and find that Joseph Walkingshaw was a cooper in Fogo. He had a son whose name was Alexander, who invented a wooden dish far superior to any dish his father had ever manufactured. The dish was round, and it had two cavities. From the first cavity he would sup his broth, and when that was done he would turn the dish up, and from the second cavity he would cleanly there- from eat his beef. From this invention came the saying above alluded to. A curious storv is related of old Walkingshaw, which may here be introduced. One day 'e put a lot of woodenware articles into his donkey cart, id he and the donkey proceeded to St. Boswell's fair. h J 66 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. He had a ready sale, and on returning homeward lie found he had only a few wooden ladles left. Some horsemen were anxious to pass on the road, but old Walkingshaw was not to be done. He tied these ladle* to the donkey's tail and off the brute went, helter-skelter, like a shot out of a cannon. When he reached home his wife came out with a bouet or lamp and she looked at the ladles, then she set down the light and raised her hands and cried: "Bliss my soul, Joseph, there's naeth- ing left but the shanks!" \l M-l COME HAME. [iQacribed to Ric\. Dr. Hkndehson, Detroit.] My 'ove, my beautiful, my own, I'm sitting a' alane; O, how I long to hear thy step And welcome thee . gain. There's naething now looks bright to me, The sunshine's left my ha', There's nae ane now to cheer my heart Since ye ha'e gane awa.' The sun's gane doon ayont the hill, And night steals slowly nigh — Tis gloomy night, the weary winds Around me moan and sigh. My love! at midnight's silent hour I saw thee come to me, 1 saw thee in thy youthful bloom Come tripping o'er the lea. I woke to find it but a dream, A vision of the night — Come hame, come hame, my darlint', come. Come iiame my heart's delight. O, come again, my life, my love, And till my heart with glee. The whispering winds no more will sigh When ye come back to me. !=.■,! SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 67 STRENGTH OF WILL. Laird Hume resided in a toon in the bonnie border land. He was a man o' strong will, and in the greatest emergencies was never known to seek the advice of man or woman. He once said : " I ha'e come to the con- clusion, monie a year bye gane, that whan a man pits his property into the hands o' a lawyer, his body into the hands of a doctor, and his soul into the hands o' a udnister, he had better just lie doon in his kail-yard and die." NOTHING CERTAIN. The estimated age of John Nicoll is 75 years, and the estimated age of Mrs. McRobbie is 55 years. The twasome met on the street, and quoth John: "Mrs. McRobbie, ye promised to pay me the siller that ye owe me mair than a score o' times, but it's promise here and promise there, and I doubt I'll be obliged to take promises for payment." On hearing this Mrs. McRob- bie tried to stave him off to the best of her ability. John, however, stuck to his text, and very ungallantly said: "Mrs. McRobbie ye ha'e a graceless face, and a graceless face is scant o' grace, and I am forced to come to the conclusion that when women get over the fifties they are neither answerable for their words or actions. I cannot for one moment depend upon a word ye say. I was mair than sure that ye would pay me, but there is nothing certain in this uncertain world." " Tuts," quo' she, " gang awa and mend your manners, for I weel I wat, I thought ye wad ha'e married me afore this time and that would ha'e squared accounts. John Nicoll! it is your own fault that I ha'e not paid ye, as despair has blunted the edge of my industry." t 68 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. ii !■!' HE TOOK SEVERAL CHEERERS. I am constrained to sav that Robert Stenhouse knew more about floating, drawing, and swinging bridges than any other stone mason that I ever conversed with. Some years ago he built a bridge above Mount Clemens, and after receiving his payment he came to Detroit and took several cheerers. When night came, several of his friends, with the help of two or three policemen, for safe keeping, placed him m one of the cells of Clinton street jail. He fell sound asleep, and when he awoke he looked up and saw the arch of his cell, and then he looked down and saw the ground. With the hair of his head rising up like the fur on a fretful cat's back, he roared out, "Where can I be ? Mercy me! under a bridge and no water." He looked around and bemoaned himself, and then in his agony he ruefully exclaimed: " O! solitude! where are thy charms That sages have s^en in thy face? Better dwell in the midst of alarms Than reign in this horrible place." THE WHISTLE BLEW. Lately I stood upon the dock at Port Huron waiting for the " Greyhound " to take me down to Detroit. I stood in a state of absent mindedness, as my thoughts, for some reason or another, had gone wool-gathering. These wandering thoughts, however, soon answered to the bridle when I saw approaching me a beautiful pair of lovers. The maiden reminded me of Milton's lines, for in her I surely observed a " Beauty which, either waking or asleep, shot forth peculiar graces." These lovers came and stood in ear-shot of me, and the following conversation took place: SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 69 She — " Oh, William, the very thoughts of parting makes me so sad and sorrowful that I am afraid my heart will break with grief this very day." He — " Oh, Rosy, Rosy, my dear, and my beloved, take comfort and live in the hope that I will soon return and clasp you in my fond embrace." She — " Oh, William, William, when you are away be sure and do not dream about me." He mournfully shook his head and then he said, " Oh, Rosy, Rosy, I doubt I cannot help myself." The whistle bk'v, and the tender word and the heartfelt wish were in order. The fond lover stood on the bow of the boat, and he was so engaged in sending kisses back to Rosy that he had not even time to brush off a fly that had settled on the bridge of his nose. STONEMASONS WANTED. About the time that George IV. visited Scotland and when Sir Walter Scott was in his glory, great build- ing enterprises prevailed in Edinburgh. Landed proprie- tors, and moneyed men vied witli each other to build up what is now called the " New Town." As a result, the masons received exorbitant wages, and to keep them in good humor the contractors would drive them to and from their work in hacknev coaches. At this time there resided at No. 15 Bread street a Mrs. Mclntvre, a widow, but who had a daughter called Grace, and who was as fair as a flower and beyond the power of my pen to describe. Now Grace was much beloved by a journeyman stonemason, but by this time the " New Town" was built up, and many masons were reduced to want and obliged to sell or pawn their very chisels and mells. Round the corner from Bread street Bauldy 70 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. u I ! > Brisbane was the proprietor of a grocer's shop, and to show he was enterprising and no slouch, he kept on hand a stock of " Dublin porter," " Alloa ale " and " Prestonpan's table beer," which he sold in bottles. Now Bauldy wanted a wife and he fell head over heels in love with Grace Mclntyre, but the journeyman stone- mason stood many degrees higher in her estimation. To counteract this Bauldy caused to be inserted in the Edinburgh Evening Courier, the following : "A number of stone masons Wanted immediately at No. 15 Bread street." By 4 o'clock next morning hundreds of them rang Mrs. Mclntyre's bell. It took Grace and her mother about all their time to answer the bell. About 2 o'clock p. ra. Grace was perfectly exhausted, and she sank down on a chair, and between breaths said: " Mither, thy're a' oot o' wark thegether. I think I had better tak' Bauldy." MY JENNIE. O, Jennie, the clouds on the hill-tops are nearing, And the lengthening shadows are now disappearing, On the wings of the golden the gloaming comes lightly, And the love-star of evening is now shining brightly. The primrose and daisy have hidden their blushes, And the song birds are silent among the green bushes, The queen of the night to her throne is advancing. And her beams on the river in beauty are dancing. O, say to me, dearjs , O. say you are willing To go by the pathway that leads to my dwelling, O, Jennie, my darling. O, do not delay, For the finger of truth is now pointing the way. My Jennie, methinks I hear whisperings above me That tell me forever, my dearest, to love thee, O, come, Jennie, come, O, say you are willing. To reign in my heart, and be queen of my dwelling. SKETCHES AXD ANECDOTES. 71 [ 1^:1 HIS AGE. Robbie Hastie resided near the foot o' the Lammer- law and was a celebrated poacher. He was a sure shot, and when he carried off his'game he had a peculiar tal- ent in eluding water-bailiffs, game-keepers and others in authority. At length he was caught hard and fast and taken before a magistrate. Robbie was then badgered with a number of needless questions, and on being asked how auld he was, he got nettled and replied: " Losh sake me, man, what do ye want to ken that for ? Ma mither kens that better than I do masel': but bv fire and flint, I may e'en tell ye, if that Avill gie ye ony satisfac- tion, that I am twa hunder and ten days aulder than ma teeth." ILL TAKE A LOOK AT HIM. James Kirkhop came from one of the moorland dis- tricts of Scotland where there are more peesweeps and plovers than post-runners or steam engines. Shortly after he landed he became infatuated with Isabella (tv.'i- ham, who is related to me on the maternal side. When their love for one another came up to the boiling l;eat, I took much pleasure in giving her away to him, with many kind remarks, and for which, under the eircnni- stances, being so drowned in love, they appeared to pay no attention thereunto. About a week after their wed- lock Isabella said, " James, my dear, I would like if ye Wild gang round to Campbell, the photographer, who is one of mvoldest admirers, and if he disna strike ve fair the first time he will strike ye over again," Quoth James: "Isabella, my dear, I ha'ena been lang here, and I am imacquainted wi' the manners and customs (,' the country, and I dinna want to begin lighting already i I /I m 72 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 5 .1 i' wi' ony o' your devilish photographers. Yet, if ye want me to gang, I'll gang and tak' a look at him, and 11 I think I can fight him I'll fight him, and if I think I canna tight him I'll tak' to my heels and rin awa." ' ^ ROBERT TANNAHILL. [Inscribed to M. Carun, Esq., Port Huron.] Poor Tannahill, thou sweetest bard That e'er wove words together, Thy songs are like the pearly dew That kiss the blooming heather. When gloomy winter tied awa, And spring danced in with glee, What rapture tilled thy heart amang The woods o' Craigie-lea. Ye sang of Scotland's hills and dales, The stream, the feathered throng. Nature instinctive taught thy lips The majesty of song! High on the tree the blackbird sings, Sweet is its melting strain. It dies away, but never dies Your "Jessie o' Dunblane!" Fear dogged thy steps, grief bowed thee down. Thy cheek grew pale and wan, Thy harp lay dead, ye stood alone, A broken-hearted man. Poor Tannahill! how sad thy fate, Man mourns thy doleful end, But in thy life no one hold out To thee a helping hand! The sun gaed doon 'maug murky clouds. Gloom overspread the sky. Out in the darksome lull of night Ye groped your way— to die. Ah, woe is me! they found the bard Down in the dank, cold river; His song was sung, his heart was still. Closed were his lips forever! m . SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 73 A LEGEND O' SELKIUK. [Inscribed to t)ie Hon. Wm. Adair, Uctruit | A Souter o' Selkirk sat in his shop Asewing at a shoe, And the sun gaed doon wi' an awesome scowl, And the wind a hurricane blew. And the Souter plyed awa at his wark, Plash, plash dang doon the rain. And the thunder roared and the lightning flash "d On the Souter's window pane. And lie sat and he laughed wi' a mockriff laugh, For he had nae kith or kin, And he cared no ae straw for the folk thereout, If he was a' richt within. The angry winds raved 'mang the hills, And doon through glen and shaw ; And the Souter prayed that the muckle deil That night might on him ca' . There stood on the floor a weird auld man, Wi' a face as wliite's a sheet. And the hair o' his beard hang danglin' doon The length o' his cloven feet. And his lips were as black as the coom o' the lum. And his mouth was as dark as a dungeon ; When the queer man scowd'd the Souter'e dog howl'd, And out at the door gaed plungin'. And the Souter yelled and he gasped for breath, And he muttered words o' prayer. As the weird auld man ga'e a gruesome grane, And clankit doon on a chair. Then the Souter cried, " Get oot o' my hoose, I dinna ken hoo ye got in, For I fastened the door wi' bolts and bars, And a great big iron pin." Then the weird auld man cried, " Haud yere tongue, I .seek nae maut or meat ; Come hither, ye selfish, sordid wretch, And measure my twa feet ! " !■■■ U \\ ' i ■| I'll 74 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. And the Souter rose and measured his feet, Although half dead vvi' fricht ; And the spectre howled, " Ye must make me a pair O' shoon by the morn's nicht." The Souter 's e'en rolled 'round in his head, And his knees tliey gaed knick-knock, As the spectre vanished oot o' his sicht Like a pulf o' tobacco smoke. On the very next nicht, when the cuckoo-clock Had coo'd a dozen coos, The spectre stood on tlie Souter's S.00T, And speired for his pair o' shoes. As the Souter raxed ovver the new made shoon. The spectre giggled wi' glee. Then rowed them up wi" a hempen rope. Syne handed o'er the fee. As out at the door he whippit awa. The Souter followed like daft, And he saw him loup tlie kirk-yard wa'. And descend in a new made graft. Then ower the wa' the Souter played spring. And stuck his awl in the sod ; Next morning lie came with shovel and spade To find ♦he spectre's abode. And he howkit door>, and he howkit doon, And the Souter never did stop Till he saw the shoon or. a coffin lid, Tied up wi' a hempen rope. And he grasped the shoon wi' a greedy hand, And out 0' the graft he sprang ; And the corbies croak'd, and the head-stanes rockd, And the doors 0' the kirk played bang ! And the Souter ran hame wi' the spectre's shoon, But that was the end o' him ; For the spectre that nicht whipt him aff to the grave, And tore him limb frae limb. Ho I Souters 0' Selkirk, be wary and wise, Tins tale is no idle conjecture ; Beware ! oh, beware ! and ne'er rifle the graft O' a waukriff blood-thirsty spectre. SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 76 YOU SHALL HAVE IT. The foundations o' a speedy marriage between Stephen Macbeth and Miss Elizabeth Duff were begin- ning to totter and give way, and all for lack o' a kirk. Now Stephen was a probationer, and could preach a most excellent sermon wi' miickle pith and unction, but he could find no patron to place him into an empty pulpit. Under these circumstances, a union between this devoted couple was entirely out o' the question, as nothing but gaunt, wolfish want would be staring them in the eye. Lockermacus Kirk became vacant, and the patron o' which was as cold blooded as a fossil- fish in the old red sandstone formation, and, strange to say, he measured people's l)rains by the shoes they wore upon their feet. Miss Duff knew this. One night she says: " Stephen, my dear, go order a big pair o' shoes," which he did, and when they were finished what wi' tackets, heel-plates and tae-plates, when cast upon the scales they weighed exactly twelve pounds, sax ounces avoirdupois. With these shoes upon his feet he waited on the patron and told him his errand. " What," cried he, " I cannot give you the kirk; you have neither capacity nor understanding." Wi' this he looked at Stephen's shoes. He was struck wi' astonish- ment. He raised his eyes; he grasped him by the hand and said: "The kirk is yours." A FIXE FEAST. When lately in Sarnia, Ont., I paid a visit to my friend, Mr. Foulds, baker by trade, and who was born in Fifeshire, Scotland, about the beginning of the pres- ent century. In the middle of the bake-house floor we began an animated discussion regarding free trade, pro- 7« SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. n tection, producers and oorisiiiners, and whether capital or labor is king. In the heat of the argument he rushed to the oven, pulled the door open and sent into it a long wooden shovel and brought out a pan full of cakes burnt as black as a thunder cloud. Mis eyes flashed fire, his bosom heaved with emotion, he flung the shovel down on the floor, he wrung his hands like one standing on the very brink of despair, and then he cried " Jerusa- lem!" After the pronunciation of this word he turned to one of his boys and said: "Tam, ye ass that ye are, rin oot and tell the swine that they'll soon ha'e a fine feast." IMPORTED AND EXPORTED. There are few folk in this world that dinna lide on some kind o' a hobbv-horse. Peter Porteous had one, I ha'e heard say. Peter was a «iuarry-man, and he got a wee thought crackit in the head wi' porin' ower books on political economy. Ae day Peter and his wife Peggy, although they had been laug buckled together, ha AXECDOTES. .'^l IIIS SIGN-ROARD. It will be in the recollection of those who are con- versant with history that in December, IV 75, Gen. PIontL'omerv exclaimed to his men, when about to attack Quebec : " Soldiers ! Men of New York, you will not fear co follow where your general leads." Robert Btirns, the Scottish poet, in one of his poems thus alludes to this unfortunate campaign : " Then through the hikes Montgomery takes. I wat he Wiisna' slaw, man, Down Lourie's burn lie took a turn, At Carlf^ton did ca', mun. But yet wliat reck when at Quebec, Montgomery-like did fa', man, Wi' sword in hand afore his band. Amang his en'nnes a' man." Some time ago Jan\es Lauderdale went to (Quebec, and he f(»regathered wi' John Sutherland, another Scotchman, wha undertook to sliow him the sights. *' There's the place," rawer world than this." As he was thus ruminating, up cam' young Sandy Walkingshaw wi' his Sunday claes on — a clean sark and his infant beard newly shaven. After some preliminary remarks, Sandy says : " Mr Gilbertson, ye are a grand gardener, wlmt fine roses and flowers ye ha'e round about ye, but ye ha'e ane in your house bonnier and sweeter than them a', and wi' a' ma heart I wad like to tak' her awa." " Weel,"' says Duncan, "Sandy, ma man, it is flt to rive the heart oot o' me to ]>art wi' my ain bonnie bairn, w]ia'> heart is as pure as the dew-drop that hangs upon the budding rose, but ye ha'e ma con- sent, and ma guid will." As he thus spoke, the tear drop rose and glistened on his cheek, and he took Sanily by the hand and he said : "And, oh, may heaven Ijliss ye baith." IGNOR.\XCE IS BLISS. Ae day, at the dyke-side, Rob Iluddleston and auld Taramie Rathbone, after exchanging snuff-boxes, got into a great wrangle regarding some theological points o' faith. Quo' Rob: "Stop, ye ha'e just said enough. I dinna want to liear ony mair o' yere balderdash. Ye are naething mair or less tlian a speakin' fool and a l>lasted idiot." "I ken that," (juo' Tammie, "but ye are a blasted idiot, but yere brains are sae scant that ye remain iirnorant o' the fact." I SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 83 A NICHT Wr ROBIN. [Inscribed to J. B. Wilson, Esq., Detroit.] "The following verses, entitled "A Nieht \vi" Robin," written by Mr. A. Wanlksb, were recited by his daughter. Miss Jank Wanlkss. The verses, were admirably rendered, and were received with great applause." —Detroit Free Press. Ye lads and bonnie lusses braw This liight we've met in Merrill ha' To knock care's head agahist the wa', And ha'e ii crack wi' Robin. There Burns has come — the kind and true As ever wore the bonnet blue; Where is the man that wadna' lo'e. And grasp the hand o' Robin ? Here's Jock, and Will, and Tarn, and Pate, And bonnie Peg, and aunty Kate, Frae Shirramoor's come up the gate. To sup kail-brose wi' Robin. And Tarn O'ShanLer will be here — He's ju.st loup'd utr his auld grey mere. And Cutty Sark will soon appear To ha'e a dance wi' Robin! There's Willie Wastle — honest bodie — Has crossed the moor frae Linkum-doddic; And Tinkler Maggie on her cuddy Has come to speir for Robin I Douf Duncan Grey's got done wi' wooin' Wi' sighs, wi' billin' and wi' cooin', And Meg — he's up the entry pu'in' To introduce to Robin. And auld Rob Morris o' the Glen, Although he is three score and ten, Puir bodie, there he's hirplin' ben To say "guid e'en" to Rol)in. Guid faith I herc'.s Ro))in's bonnie .lean, Ac trig a lass as e'er was see.n. She's just oome diincin' 'cross the green To get a kiss frae Robin. 84 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. m i n. And Nannie she's no far awa — Sae soon's she hears tlie bagpipes blaw She'll just come t-rippiu' up the shaw. To dance a reel wi' Robin. There's Mary in her Highland dress, As blythesome and as sweet a lass, As e'er keek'd in a looking glass — Her idol-king is Robin. Spouse Nancy has got done wi' strife, She's now a gash contented wife, She's brought a cheese and glamed a knife To cut a wang to Robin. Nance Tinnock has hung on the pat, And Willie's brew'd a j)eck o" maut, And Allan's come to hu'i' a chat And Irink a dram wi' Robin. Tarn Sampson's von the curling game! This night upon the rink of fame. Like Jehu he will roar the name — The deathless name o' Robin I Haith! Robin was a canty chield. As ever up Parnassus spiel'd, The jinglin' bardies a' maun yield And homage pay Robin! He struck Dame Nature's varied key, The outcast mousie on the lea, The birdies wliistlin' in their glee Were kith and kin to Robin. Now lads and lasses ane and a' Sae soon's the chairman gie's the ca'. Get up and gi' a loud huzza — A rousin' cheer for Robin! HAVE YE ONY BAWBEES ? Andrew Crawford was a peripatetic book-binder, and to me well known in mv apprenticeship years. He was as thoughtless and restless a mortal as could be found in the length and breadth o' the land. In a word, SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 85 he wad appear and as suddenly disappear, and where to find him, if anybody took the pains, would be as difficult as to find a needle on the moors of Culloden. Ae day he appeared, and one of his acquaintances said to him : " Andrew, mercy rae, is that you, and are ye sure it is you, and where in a' the warld ha'e ye been ? " " Been," quo' Andrew, '* I ha'e been in London, and I wasna' there twa days till I fell through a winday, and guid guide us a', they hauled me afore a big monster o' a judge that wadna' listen to either sense or reason, and the upshot was that the old shaggy gray-headed badger sent me to prison for thirty days. Blast his picture, by his command thev lifted me on to the treadmill, and I climbed and climbed and I climbed, but wi' a' ma Scotch perseverance I couldna' get a glimpse o' our ain heather hills. Noo, I am on the verge o' startin' for Glasgow, and as I am like a fox in a hurry to break cover, I wad like to ken if ye ha'e ony odd bawbees, saxpences or shillin's gaun to waste aboot the bottom o' yer pockets'" HOPE. « Auld Nannie Haldane was sittin' on her door-stane ae day, and by her side sat bonnie Lizzie Lindsay, and she said, "Lizzie, ma bonnie lamb, y ;; are young and I am auld. Your brow is whiter than the snaw, your cheek is like the red, red rose, but my brow is furrovveil wi' carej and my cheek is like the withered leaf that flickers and fa's to the cauldriff groimd. I ha'e e'en come through a warld o' iroubk*. Monie is the time that I felt sae dooncast as if nae ray o' hope remainefD ANKCIK.TES. it is wonderful to mo that I did not die with the ixii>airns and saxteen grandhalrns." "(irannie," (jiio' I, "ye are, I trow, a great and a grand example tu yere sex. Hy ma faith, ye ha'e been a fruitful vine; but losh pity me, ye maun ha'en had an unco job to bring up sac; monie bairns." *' A^'e, aye," €S and fears iucreas'd, At ilka birr my heart played spring. And fluttered in my breist. She spak' aboot the rook and reel, The rowans and tlie wcxj', But faith, I took mair interest in The widow's hinny mou'. At length, I said: "I'm mair than pleas'd To watch the spinnin' art; I'll now away, which proves the say "That best o' friends maim part.' " She lookit doon at her black goon, Then cried: '*0h, wae betide ine," She drapt the thread; the wheel stood still, Then she sat doon aside me I But to mak' a lang story short, We soon gat booked and marrit, And while we coo about the hoosc, The wheel rests in the garrit ! 97 ♦Cainlachie is situated in the County of T^niliton, near Sarnia, Ontario. ; '/ ill HE STOOD AND GROANED. John Heiton had an anld liorse and the poor beast turned unco ill and died. We were a' hits o' hairns then, and afore its death John wouM froqtiently ask us to ioup into his cart, and there we would sit as proud as kings, knowing no care. Yet that is not true, for my chief care was to sit aside bonnie Dorothy Douglas and tak' her hand in mine for fear she wad fa' over the wheel. When us bairns were coming out of the school, John, and a few more men were carting awa' the horse to bury it out of sight, and we all silently followed. 98 HK ETCHES AND ANECDOTES. h.r I l!'-- I i ' ' Mi When they came to the place they flung the animal into a hole, and John stood and sighed and groaned. On hearing this William Ramsey said, '* John, man, I won- der at ye ; ye are making as mickle wark as if ye had lost your guidwife Tibbie." (^uoth John, " I wad sooner that it had been Tibbie, for, dear me, wi' little fash, I could soon get anither wife, but where in a' the earth can I get £5 to buy anither horse ?" HE HAD THE LUMBAGO. Anna Dunlop was as innocent as a lamb, sweet as a rose, and as pure in heart as the dew drop that hangs upon the heather bell. Now, Anna, along with her grandfather^ paid a visit to some friends in the city of Glasgow. One day her grandfather, who had become old and don- nert, was lost and could not be found high or dry. She took a notion in her head that he had fallen into the Clyde^ and, in consequence, she sitated her fears to a policeman. Quoth he: " Are there any marks about him by which he could be identified ? " " Yes," said she, " my poor» poor grandfather had the lumbago in his back." ACTION AND RE- ACTION. Scotland may boast and brag of her Rob Roy Mc- Gregor, and England of her Robin Hood, but we, in Detroit, can with more reason boast of Peter Garr, who is a married man and a fearless fireman before the peo- ple. Previous to saving lives he knows no fear, but when they are saved his nerves begin to fire up, and hcr feels as if some evil spirit was playing at hide-and-seek about the innermost recesses of his head and heart. He finds out that he is made up of a bundle of nerves, and is as cross-grained as an old maid on the road to a I ii!^ SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. flfr dentist with a mustard plaster on her cheek. I have been informed that Peter on those trying times will even snap and snarl at his beloved wife. Mrs. Garr, however, is an amiable wife, and she has the good sense not to retaliate, as well she knows that fire cannot be quenched by tow. She does not even show the white of her eyes. She will hurry up and make him a good strong cup o' tea and butter his toast, and then she will sit down by hie side, and then, to use an old saying, she just " jouks and lets the jaw gang by." Like Zeno of old, she ha» discovered the grand power of silence. My dear, go bring my tiddle ben, And also your guitar. And let us sing wi' right guid will — God save brave Peter Garr. How fain I'tl be if I could write A song in double metre, The burden of the song would be, May heaven save our Peter. A MELANCHOLY COW. Rob. Shaw rented a sma' farm ca'd the Townhea*!. He was a man o' large dimensions and strong in bone and muscle. His wife, Rebecca, on the other hand, was a sma', nervous kind o' a woman, and unco quic'.c o' the temper. Wi' a swift hand she wad thrash the bairns, cats and dogs afore they kent what end o' them was upmaist. Ae mornin' she rose very early and went out to milk the kye, leaving Rob in bed snoring away like to ding doon the rafters. When she cam' in again she looked at him and she said : "R<»b, are ye no up yet 't As sure as ony thing ye are just lying there like a big melancholy coo wi' a gowan in her mooth. Come ool o' that or I'll brain ye'^n the spot." -"Co.vers.f--.^^ BIBLiOTHECA )i **dViif*r>s'^ 100 HKKTCIIB8 AND ANECDOTES. .'A -■■ if' ( BABBY BELL AND JOCK REID. Auld Babby Bell lived in cot, South frac the Twinlaw hill, Where blooms the bonnio heather bells, Where winds the wimplin' rill. Her hearin' wasna'very guid Since ever she was born; To kirk or market she aye took Her muokle hearin' horn. Ae day she gacd wi' pechin' speed To Lockermacus toon, And ga'e instructions to Jock Reid To mak' a pair o' shoou. "Now Jock" quo' she. " do make them neat, For I am gauii awa' To visit Tani, my eldest son, Wha' lives in Edincraw. She held her trumpet to her lug; Jock sent these words doon through — " Thi slioon ye'll get will not disgrace The Duchess o' Buccleugh. " I'll send them ower on Monday nicht Wi' knack-kneed Robbie Rule, I'll pass my word he'll haund them in As he gangs hame frae scule." Now Babby cried, "Jock, sew them weel, And pick the best o' leather; On Tuesday I maun see mj' Tam In spite o' wind or weather ! " At time agreed Jock sent the shoon ; Woes me ! on Tuesday morn, Auld Baddy limpit in on him, Wi' her lang hearin' horn. Then she cried out, " Ye worrie-cow^ Ye scorpion, and ye cheat. The shoou ye've made are twisted round, And no framed for my feet, '* I'm like a hen wi' a wud-leg; Man, Jock, ye'll end my life, Or turn me by degrees into A harplin' China wife. I' SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 101 " Hech mc ! they're just a perfect botch, Then* shapit like the moon. I've got the toothache in my taes, Oh. Jocic ! pu' all my shoon ! " He lookit doon, lie stood amaz'd, He saw an unco sight, And tlien lie cried, " Oh, mercy me, The left's upon tlie right ! " He rive^ ! With joy tliey wave their faiiy wan;h, And moon and stars shine in the sky, Then band in hand away they go, To seek the couch o{ urief and woe — To smootli the pillow of despair. And turn aside the hand of care, And beckon angels from above To sing the songs of pence and love ! "O, hush, my child, " a mother sings— " Come,'fairio8, come on golden wing.-* ; O, rest, my child, I see them now, A-tlitting rotmd your bonnie brow ; They come, my love, from glen antl leu, To bring content to you and me. O, sleep, my child, I see them now. A-weaving roses round your brow." I Note. -Heotland at one i^iriiHl poHsesst'd a gn-at nuinlwr of spiriin, visi- ble and invisible, Kood and liad. Tin- following list of tlu-s»> was ci>nipileti from verbal and written souroes, by thf late Dr. Oeorgf Mendersoii. authoi- of "Rhymes and I*roverbs of Berwiekshire : " "Elves, haRS, fairieH. !>uU- hegKani, spirits, witches, urchins, satyrs, pans, fann<*s, sylvans. kit-witti-the- «andlestick, tritona, kelpies, centaurs, dwarfs, giant.s. imps, calcars, a&sypods, conjurers, nymphs, chaiiKlings, incubus, brownies, tlu- spoorey. the nian-in-the-oak. the hell-wain and Tom Tumbler." In consideration of the above list, and of the fearful tales told round the fireside in tiie long winter nights, it is somewhat remarkable that we still retain uur reasoning faculties.] its I y 104 SKKTCIIBS AND ANECIiOTES. 1;^ i^ SPIGOT AND PIN. To those unacquainted with barrels I may make men- tion that the spigot is connected with the faucet, and the pin is placed on the arch of the barrel for the purpose of regulating the outcome of the liquor. One morning Robert Fulton was obliged to proceed to a town some miles off. Before he started, his wife thus said : " Robert, whene'er ye gang to that town ye never ken when to come back. Now, Robert, ye have come to that time o' life when ye ought to be mending your manners, and to make it your study to add no more trouble to my loving heart. Now, like a good man try and do your best and strive wi' all your might not to come home in untimely hours." " Robinnia," he cried — for that was her maiden name — " I swear to you by spigot and by pin, that I will be back lang afore the hens place their nebs below their wings." With this he embraced her and went upon his waJ^ Alas ! prom- ises are like the crusts of pies, when they are short they are easilv broken. Dear me, he returned at the black hour of midnight, and quoth Robinnia : " Robert, before ye went away did ye not swear by spigot and by pin that ye would be home before the hens had gone to roost 'r* " " Robinnia," he cried, " it was an error o' judgment — blast my buttons, I dinna ken what tempted me to swear by the spigot and the pin." A FINE START. We had an old man in our parish of the name of Thomas Denholm, and he had more dry sayings than there are days in a dry summer. One day my father informed him of the death of a man who had just died worth £'20,000. '* Man, he's weel off," quoth Thomas. "It will gi'e him a tine start in the next world." SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 105 o Hi of SWEET BELLE ISLE. [luscribed to James 0«AHAM, Esq.. Detroit. | " Will ye slip on your shoon. gtjidwil'e, Will ye draw on your jroou, gtiidwife, . And gang wi' me and crack awhile Amang the groves o' sweet Belle Isle? "I'm sick o' city din, guidwife, Its heat, its dust, and sin. guidwife. Provisions in your basket pile, And we'll awa to sweet Belle Isle." " Your offer I will take, guidman. And quick a scone I'll bake, guidman, O ! we might wander monie a mile To find a match to sweet Belle Isle. "A guid fat hen I'll roast, guidman. And we'll ha'e tea and toast, guidman; And till the sun steals o'er the plain; We'll live our young days o'er again." It no took lang to tutn the key, Syne off, they gaed wi' gbidsome glee; My faith they spent the day^ in style Amang the shades o' sweet Belle Isle. When they gat hame the guid wife tells How weel they had enjoyed theirsel's, And since she's said and has maintain'd Belle Isle is paradise regain'd ! A CHRISTIAN COUNTRY. John Rutherford landed in Detrrit from Scotland, and his shoe-laces gave way. He went into a store kept by a Dutch woman and inquired if she had a pair o' whangs. At this question the woman lianded him down a pair of tongs. "Mercy me! "cried John, as he went out at the door, "1 wish I was safe back to a ('hristian country wliere the ae body kens what the ither body says." 8 h i\ C 106 SKETCHES AND AXECDOTES. hi I III' h IlK PAY ON DELIVERY. At the root of the fairest flower a grub will be found, and some landlords, behind the bar, will entice the unwary to grul> and dig from their pockets their very last bawbee. David Fleming was a landlord, but his rule of conduct was " that right wrongs no man." One day John Scott went into his bar-room, and he said, "David, I want a dram." After drinking the dram, John threw down twent^'^-five cents, and David handed him the change. " David," quo' John, " Keep the change, for, if it is the will o' Providence, I might be requiring another dram." " Na, na," quo' David ; " That will never do — that is contrary to the established rules o' political economy. Put up your siller, John, and take ray advice and pay on delivery." WOMEN IN OUR HOURS OP EASE. Sir Walter Scott, a countryman of mine, thus wrote : " O, women, in our hours of ease, uncertain, coy and hard to please." Some time ago I rested in the opinion that my countryman, in so saying, had thrown a big insult at the heads of the w'hole of the gentle sex. I have, however, after more experience, been reluctantly constrained to think that my countrvman was riijht and that I was wrong. In proof : Robert Bruce was a res- identer of Innerwick, and one morning his wife, Juden, opened out the flood-gates of her wrath uj)on him. She assailed him in such outrageous terms that would have even made the blood of St. Andrew, the patron saint of Scotland, curdle in his veins. She threw in his teeth a whole catalogue of his transgressions, and the transgres- sions of his forefathers for several generations back. Robert listened to her with patience, as he had discov- « SKETCHES AND AXECDOTES. 107 ered that patience is a plaster for all sores. At last he thought he would reprove her mildly, and he thus said • Juden ye ought to have been born in heaven among the angels instead of being born in Innerwick amona an accursed race of blood-thirsty savages." I WISH YE WELL. Aukl Kirsty Scott packed up her kist And wi' it gaed awa, Alang the Gorbals till she cam' Unto the Broomielaw She saw a sailor and she said, " If ye are sailing soon. I wish ye'd take me and my kist The length o' Greenock toon." The sailor said, "Just gang on board, And at the rising tide/ I'll hoist the sail and 'fore the gale I'll take ye doon the Clyde." Now when Auld Kirsty paid her fare He scarce had time to thank her, For off he sprang the deck alang ' And quickly raised his anchor. At ilka port that they came to Auld Kirsty .shoolf her tist, And to the sailor roared, " Take tent And no' thraw off my kist." At twa three ports 1 lie sailor spoke To Kirsty somewliat ceevil, At last he cried, " You and your kist May baith gang to the deevil." On ruminating on these words, He thought it very rude. That he had spoken to tlic wife In such an angry mood. So when they came to Greenock port, Quo' he, " I spoke ye wrang ; I wish ye weel, and to the de'il I hope ye winna' gang." m ! ■i\'i: I, i 108 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 11' h IH Nc m M A QUEER KETTLE. Jenny Douglas was an auld, antiquated maid, wi' a nose that could split a hail-stone, and a tongue that wagged frae raornin' till night like a lamVs tail. Ae afternoon she said : " I canna be bothered raakin' a fire to mak' a drap tea to masel', sae I'll e'en thraw on ma shawl and tak' ma tap in ma lap and gang doon to Mary Macalpin's and dootless, whan the hour comes, if she has ony sense remainin', she will invite me to tak' pot luck." Sae awa she went and ga'e a bit rap wi' her knuck- les on Mary's door. Mary cam' to the door, and through common ceevility she couldna do mair nor less than to ask her to come in and rest hersel'. ** The auld sinner," Mary muttered to hersel', " she has come wi' the prospect o' takin' her tea wi' me, but fient a drap will she get if ma name is Mary Macalpin." Sae soon as Jenny gat settled on a chair she placed her hands on her knees and began to entertain Mary wi' a' the clashes and clavers o' the country side. The tea- kettle was hangin' on the fire and, " Dear me," quo' Jenny, " it's gettin' late, and as sure as the breath o* life is in me, yere kettle is beginnin' to sing." Wi' this Mary drew a lang breath, and quo' she, " Ma kettle's a queer kettle; it aye sings twa lang hours afore it begins to boil." Wi' this Jenny took the hint and she gaed awa', and as she was gaun up the street she muttered to hersel', " The poor silly wasp that she is; there's no ae spark o' deacency in her whole frame. My certy, I'll be bound ye that the very waters o' heaven will rin up to the very highest taps o' the Lammermoor hills afore ma shadow again darkens her door." SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 109 STRIKE THE IRON. A young lass lived at Algonac, And she was sweet and bonnie ; She had a lad, and in her heart She lo'ed him best o' ony. He was a blacksmith to his trade, And ae night when they met, He said, " O, Mercy, let us strike The iron when it's het." Quo' she, "Oh, John, what do you mean ? " Quo' he, •• There's mair than ane Are striving sair, baith late and ere. Your heart and soul to win." She smiled and said, " I scorn them a', I wish they would devauld ; " Quo' he, " Let's strike the iron quick, In case it should grow cauld. I ha'e a house on yonder bank, 'Twas left me by my father ; He left the smiddie free frae debt To me and to my mither. And 'fore my mither slipt awa', A year by past come June, She said, " My son. Oh. get a wife. And settle cannie doon. " My father was a man o' sense, His words I'll ne'er forget. His dying words were, ' Mind and strike The iron while it's het.' Now, Mercy, if ye'll be my ain, I'll do my very best To be to you baith leal and true, So you can judge the rest." Sweet Mercy blushed and ga'e consent, John's mind Wius off the rack ; He cried, " I'm now the proudest man That breathes in Algonac." And soon tho twa in wedlock's bands Were welded and united ; Now wi' his wife the brawny smith Is perfectly delighted. f« i. 110 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. I . A DOG FIGHT IN THE DISTANCE. Many years ago I met my worthy friend, Mr. Garry Hough, in Toronto, Ont., and whose fame as an actor is world-wide. He then informed me that he abhorred and detested crowds. Meeting him the other day I inquired " if his opinion regarding crowds remained unchanged?'* " These opinions," he replied, " are more and more estab- lished. For example, if I saw a dog fight in the distance I would ring down the curtain." YOU MAY GO. The fishermen and fisherwives are a distinct class from the Scotch folk proper. The fishermen catch the fish, and the fisherwives carry the fish in creels upon their backs to find a market. Their voices are very melodious and it is pleasing, when in bed, to hear them cry " Wha'U buy my caller oou ? " through all the hours of the night. Some of these fishermen, when the season comes, are in the habit of going to the north seas in whalers for the purpose of catching whales. These people, as a general thing, behave well, but when the drink is in, their wits go out, and they behave very uproariously. Rob Patterson and his wife, Jenny, one day had a great uproar, Rob scowled at her and said : " Jenny ye are ane o' the deevil's bairns, and ye may gang to the deevil." He then went and got a few glasses of whiskey, and then came home and said : " I am gaun awa to Labrador to catch whales." Immediately on making this observation she said: " Rob, ye may gang to the deevil and catch deevils, and stay there till I send for ye." At the conclusion of this story I designed to annex an application, but on second consideration, I considered that such was unnecessary. : , SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. Ill GENERAL GRANT. llnscribed to James N. Dean, Esq., Detroit.] When reason was baiiislied, and treason arose, And brother 'gainst brother dealt deatli-dealing blows, And the words came as one from the lips of the brave — "The flag of our fathers forever must wave ; " And a hero arose in the midst of our woe, "Forward I " he cried, " we must vanquish the foe ! " But there's gloom on the earth, and there's gloom in the skies, And the light burns dim in the room where he lies. The foe is fuivancing — every eflfort they strain. But back they are hurled again and again ; And the shout of the victor is heard in the air — "While liberty lives we shall never despair ;" And the hero looks round on the death-stricken field — " We must conquer or die, but we never will yield ! " But there's gloom on the earth and there s gloom in the skies. And the light burns dim in the room where he lies. The sword's in the scabbard, the warfare is o'er,- May the din of the battle be heard nevermore; And now through the length and breadth of the land, May brother meet brother with heart and with hand; May the past be forgot, and may bitterness cease. And the watchword be ever, "come, let us have peace ! " But there's gloom on the earth, and there's gloom in the skies, And the light burns dim in the room where he lies. THE CUTTING OF THE CORSETS. The minister of our parish had a face as calm and composed as a pelhicid pool. After being ordained to the ministry he was only known to have laughed once, and that was when he was troubled with the kink-hoast, and he sent for the doctor to examine his lungs. After a fair examination the doctor informed him that they were as strong as a pair of blacksmith's bellows. Hence the result. When he met men upon the road tliey would lift their hats to him, and when he met women they would courtesy to him, and when he met boys or girls 113 SKETCHES ANP ANECDOTES. ( .1 v\ It they would blush and hang down their heads and look like condemned criminals. One day this melancholy man — " for melancholy had marked him for his own " — waited on Mrs. Helen Cleghorn, who received him with great humbleness. After wiping the dust oflf the chair with her apron she desired him to sit down, which he did. Now, Mrs. Cleghorn had a son who had not reached the years of discretion, and he began playing with childish glee about the minister's knees. On observing this the minister said : " Mrs. Cleghorn, your son seems to be very fond of me." Whereupon, and without a moment's consideration, she replied : " O, I dinna' wonder at that, for children are always fond of dogs and daft folk." She had no sooner uttered these words when vexation struck her upon the fifth rib and down she fell on the floor in a dead faint. Some time after this most distressing and melancholy event took place, the writer of these lines took up his quarters in the city of Edinburgh. On revisiting my natal ground I called upon Mrs. Cleghorn, and the remainder of the storv had better be told in her own words : " Yes, yes, Andrew, ray man, I had no sooner said the last word, than doon I fell on the floor like a dying duck in a thunderstorm." " And how did thev revive ve, Mrs. Cleghorn," I inquired. '* Revive," she replied, " my faith, I got a fine revival. The minister and my guid- man got knives and ripped ray corsets into ribbons, so I was obliged to buy a pair o' new anes." " And Mrs. Cleghorn," I inquired, " if it is a fair question, what did ye do with your old anes ! " " Andrew," she said, " I was unco mad about it, but as a shut mouth catches no flies, I just gathered tliem together and flung them on the back o' the Are." 8KETCHK8 AND AXKCUOTKS, 113 CURING A FAT WIFE. A doctor livVl this side o' Lethe Kened by the name o* Abernethy, And what gives me great satisfaction. He was a man o' Scotch extraction. For e'en the bells in school and steeple Proclaim they're Heaven's own chosen people! But here the truth must be laid bare, The doctor was inclined to swear, And curse all kinds of shams and flummery, The vain pretenses and sic lilte mummery, And on the saying would descant. "That folk wha wadna' work should want. ' Great was his skill, for we're assur'd That many a desperate case he cur'd, And when his guinea-fee was reapit, Fu' brawly he kent how to keep it. Ae morn a fat guidwife fell sick, She roar'd, "Rin for the doctor, quick; Oh ! mercy on us, dear sakes me, I'm just as ill as ill can be; My thoughts they canna be deceivers, I've got my share o' burning fevers, My lips will scarcely part asunder, And oh ! my mouth's as dry as tinder; My leet o' life is near-hand tied, Oh ! lift me canny to my bed; And when I'm ance amang the claes. Ye soon will see me end my days." Wi' mony a rug and furious rive Tliey laid her on her bed alive; Certe.s ! it was a jol), I trow, It raised the sweat on ilka brow, Wi' their big load they well mii,^lit gro.m— Her net gross weight was fourteen stoiK. The doctor to lier bedside rusli'd, He gazed, and evt-ry breath \v;is lui.sh'd. As some had liarbor'd llio delu.siou That she was near-hand her conclusion' h 'I < 114 BKBTCIIES AND ANECDOTES. He felt her pulse— quo' he, *' what's wraiig ?" Quo' she, " I'm no worth an auld sang, Oh ! doctor, dear, I'm niair than sick, I'm unco sure I'm sinking quick. Doctor ! my head is like to rive, It buzzes like a hornet's hive; My head, my head, my brain, my brain, Is whirrlin' round like a mill-stane. My heart, it fa's, it jumps, it stounds, As if 'twad burst its very bounds; Doctor, oh, man, my very hair Rives at the roots o' black despair. Wi' herbs or drugs, come (juickly fill me." But oh, in mercy dinna kill me." The doctor then, upon inspection. Wrote out a cure for her aflliction, And ere the writing was begun. She handed to him one pound one. " To take the pound," quo' he, " I'm willing. But, madam, take ye back the shilling. And quickly send to the first shop And get a good strong skipping-rope, I cannot say that I bemoan ye. Your sickness lightly rests upon ye. The truth within a nutshell lies. Ye need a course o' exercise; I scarce can speak to you discreetly. Your nerves have master'd j'ou completely. And now ye howl for doctor's potions To drown your vain, accursed notions. "Jumping," he cried, "will soon recruit ye, Then fewer ills ye'll ha'e aboot ye." He growl'd and said, " Keep my directions," Then left her to her ain reflections. My faith, if I'd been in his shoon, I wadna' hurried alf sae soon. Wi' solemn face and words I vow, I'd stopt to see her swing the tow. I'd blythely gi'en o' gowd a gowpen To see the sonsy guidwife loupin.' I'm more than sure 'twould been a sight. Would filled me with supreme delight. UKBTCIIES AND ANECDOTES. lift Her conduct we must all appluud, For in conclusion, I muy add, Thut she began with efforts slow To battle 'gainst the lazy foe; She followed up the doctor's rules And deftly sprang o'er chairs and stools. Nature prevail'd, and the guidwife Took out another lease o' life. Her case obtain 'd great notoriety In all the circles of society ; And furthermore, the doctor's name Re-echoed from the trumps of fame. .'ii >| ■ » GANG, GANG, GANG, MR. BRISBANE. Greenlaw is situated in the bonnie border land. Although its population is small, it is a town of some pretensions. It is the county town of Berwickshire, and on that account the inhabitants consider themselves a kick above the common. On the principal street stands firstly the church, secondly the jail and thirdly the court-house. One day a stranger entered the town and he described these three buildings in the following: couplet: "There stands the gospel and the law, Wi' hell's hole between the twa." In this town Duncan Gowdspink resided, and he was a most determined poacher. lie was light of limb and as cunning as a fox. I knew him well. In fact, to tell the plain truth and shame the deil, I was once within an ace of being related to him. He met my aunty one night and he proposed, and asked her if she would deliver up to him her hand and heart, but she said: " No, Duncan, I am under great obligations to you for your offer, but your offer I can by no means accept, as Duncan, Oh, Duncan, I have got other fish to fry. w lie SKETCH EH AND ANKCDOTEH. ■ I I' I If III: N. B. She afterwards got married to Stephen Kinghorn and became the mother of a large family. Duncan also got married to Martha Boghead and he also be- came the father of a large family. So, by this the reader may perceive that it is an ili wind that blows nobody good. One would have naturally thought, that •o situated, Duncan would have renounced his poach- ing proclivities, but such was not the case. One night, alas, he was caught with his gun in one hand and a hare in another, and for this he was thrown into hell's hole. How dismal were Duncan's thoughts when his mind re- verted to his beloved Martha and his numerous family. Unruffled minds can enjoy sweet repose, but Duncan could find no repose. It was as difficult a matter as to catch a black sow on a dark night upon a bleak and bar- ren moor. How he longed to obtain his liberty. He resembled Sterne's starling, described in his "Sentimen- tal Journey." He wanted to get out. The cell door flew open, and Alexander Brisbane entered. " Oh, Mr. Brisbane," cried Duncan, " I am glad ye ha'e come; Oh, Mr. Brisbane, for the love of all the saints and sinners, dead and alive, go and get Jasper Aitchison to come and bail me out." "Jasper Aitchison," replied Mr. Brisbane, " He would be the last man to bail you out. To ask him to bail you out would be nothing but stark madness and a waste of words. No, no, Duncan, I winna' gang — it wad just be as needless as throwing water on a drowned mouse." " Oh, Mr. Brisbane," cried Duncan, "for the sake o' jNfartha, Peter, Tom, Nell, Jean and the rest o' ray family, gang, gang, gang and ask him, Mr. Brisbane, and I will stop here until ye come back." "Duncan," replied Mr. Brisbane, "Try and keep your ^\'md as calm as a cow chewing her cud SKETCHES AND ANECDOTRH. 117 on a rainy day, and make yourself as comfortable as eir- curaBtances will permit, and remember that when a man, or even a woman, jLjets into hell's hole it is not a very easy job to get out again." SCOTLAND. [Inwribeil to Alkx. Forbkh, Esq., Chicago.] Scotland I How glorious i.s the theme That in the days bygone, Your patriot sons undaunted stood. And battled for their own. Time .ifter time the f(X' advanc'd. Your rights to trample down, To blot your name forever out, And grasp your royal crown. Your sons could never bow the knee, Or brook the tyrant's chains ; Nature has written on your hills— " Here freedom ever reigns." Sons of the brave, your liearts were one That Scotland must be free ; Now tar and near the cry is heard, " Wha dares to middle me ? " Forward ! See Scotland's gallant sons Dash on to meet the foe, Their strong riglit hand grasps freedom's sword. And freedom guides the blow. Their bows are bent their swords are keen, And with their matchless might, Strongly they stand to crush the wrong, And battle for the right. The battle rages fierce and fell, Till o'er the deadly fray The welkin rings, " The victory's won," Scotland has won the day. While heather blooms on Scotland's'hills, And while her thistles wave, Freedom will tlourish ou her soil And guard the warrior's grave, ^Si d \ .: < h I 118 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. I*' fr,. A MISTAKE. Mercy Ramage was a prudent wife, and a kindly- one. At times, however, sbe allowed her nerves to get the better of her, and on these occasions she neglected to temper her tongue. One morning she rose from bed from off her wrong side, and gave Caleb, her guidman, some sharp words which pierced him to the quick. He could st.md it no longer, bo he went out and went up and sat on top of the chimney. Mercy lost sight of him. At last she saw him, and she cried out: "What are ye doing up there?" Caleb answered: "I am taking Solomon's advice wha says, 'that it is better to dwell in a corner of the house-top than with a brawling wife in a wide house.' " " Blast ye," she cried, " I will soon bring ye down out o' that." She went in and kindled a rousing fire and the reek went up and down came Caleb bellowing like a hungry cow in a strange loan. He rubbed his eyes and cleared his windpipe, and then he muttered to himself, " Solomon must have made a mistake." ARE YOUR OWN SKIRTS CLEAR ? One day Robert Rathbone said to John Prettyman " That the Prince of Wales is setting a very bad exam- ple to the world at large by his gambling proclivities." " Stop ! " cried John. " Blackstone says ' that every man's house is his castle,' an heir apparent must have some kind of in-door amusement. Sir, no tree takes so deep a root as prejudice, and malice seldom wants a mark to shoot at. Before we condemn others wt should see that our own skirts are clear. The prince was born with the silver spoon in his mouth, but we were born with the wooden ladle. Sir, it is your poverty that has Jkept you in bounds. If you had been born rich I have SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 119 M •no doubt but that you would have j)roved a most notor- ious profligate, and I, with original sin dwelling in my heart, might have followed in j-our footsteps. Sir, pray remember the old saying, ' that the best of us would do little for God if we thought the devil was dead.'" A WET WEAVER. In Earlstown a weaver lived, Wlia aft went on the batter : Wlien comitig off, he. like the ducks, Took kindly to the water. Though hail-stanes dashed and Boreas blew A raving wild oration, The weaver from his bed would spring With great precipitation. And bicker forth with wild, wierd looks. And to the Leader rin, And cast his claes, and break the ice. And instantly loup in. And there he'd swatter, dook and plunge, And shiver, shake, and cough. Which exercise had the effect To calm and cool him off. One day when drawing on his drawers. He spoke with solemn measure— " My faith, I'm sure a drachm o' health Is worth a pint o' pleasure." A WI.^II. Thomas Morrison resides in Detroit. lie is distantly related to Jeamie Morrison, celebrated in Afot her well's unequalled ballad or tliat name. He wears a wig but he disna' want onybody to ken, as he is at present ettel- ing to get married again for the third and last time. During the dry spell he said: "I wish frae the very i>ottom o' ma heart that the windows o' heaven wad open, for the very hair o' ma head is withering awa'. n »> 120 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. IN AND OUT Charlev Stewart was a IIi AXKrOOTES. And !iye he raved and better rav'd, And roared "by a' tliat's good, I'm goin.^ quick, I'm sinking fast. Oh, <.<'vn\ for Sandy Wood.' Now, Andrew liad a servant lass, Her name was Jean M( Ivallop, And for tlie doctcjr olT she ran As fast as she could wallop. Jean liad a fault, but it was sma' And sctirce worth while to mention, She snulred, but how she learneh, me. Oh, doctor .stop, and by my .saul I'll double up your fee ' SKETCHES AXn AVECDOTES. 123 Now, Jean McKallop had kept close Upon the doctor's track, As she'd a thought her mjuster would Be dead e're she got back. She saw the doctor ply his rung, She cried, " guid guide us a'," Then doon she rushed raang pots and pan.s And fainted <;leau awa. The doctor went, loud Andrew roar'd, " Rise, Jean, he's broke my skull ' Then Jean arose and to his nose She held her sneeshin' mull. A CLOSE CALL. The winding Whitadder is a tributary of the silvery Tweed, and on its banks the Laird of Bankhead had an cBtate. He was a grunting, gruesome old savage, and as cross-grained as a badger in a barrel. There is an old saying that " A blythe heart makes a blooming face," but his face was as free from bloom as is the woodland rose bush in the gloomy month of December. He had a brother who resided with him. I cannot place a high estimate on his abilities, as he had none. In a word, to use the language of that district, he was nothing more nor less than a natural born idiot. One day the laird and all his men drove the .sljrcjt to the banks of the stream for the purpose of being i?horn. While the shearing was progressing, the laird's brother, to watch the operations, climbed up a tree whose branches overhung a deep pool, lie was sitting on one of the branches with a moderate degree of comfort, when it suddenly broke, and down he went as if he bad been struck by one of Jove's thunderbolts. On observing which the sheep-shearerg rushed down the bank to rescue him, but the laird 'I € f^ ::/ 124 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. roared out, "Stop, come back, he is of no earthly use, let him drown and be done with him." However, they pulled him out and held him up by the heels for the purpose of allowing the water to gush out, and then on the green grass they rolled hira round and round. Suddenly he sprang to his feet, and for a space stood shivering like a dog in a wet sack, and then after looking all around the horizon, he roared out, " Mercy me, where am I ? I must have had a close ca'." SHE LOST HER WIG. Harkin, James McAllister, relates the following; I was born in an inlying part o' Scotland and Jean Mc- Donald lived next door to rav mother. In course of time Jean and I got booked, cried, and married. Now, shortly after these interesting events took place we took it into our heads to emigrate to America. Now, observe ye, Jean had a grannie, and in consequence she was my step-grannie, and nothing would serve her but that she would shoulder arms and accompany us in our perilous undertaking. When within sight o' land my step-grannie was as bold as a flying dragoon, but rever- ses will come whither or no. One morning she got out upon deck, and she was no sooner out than a tempes- tuous gust o' wind blew her wig overboard: "Bless my soul and body," she cried, "James, I ha'e lost my wig." " Tuts, never mind," I said, " I will borrow another ane f rae the captain, wha keeps a lot o' them in his chest in case o' accidents." On hearing this and under bare poles, she looks round about her and then she says: "Dear rae, the ground is a' covered wi' water." "What nonsense, step-grannie," said I, '* dinna ye see the land in the distan<'e V " " Na," quo' she, " I our my jver- out ipes- >les& SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 125 canna see it, yet I canna for one moment misdoubt its existence. James, I ha'e turned unco sick — for the love o' heaven carry me down below." NATURAL WOOL. [Inscribed to Robt. Reid, Esq., London, Ont.j Tam Norrie grew sick — just as sick as sick could l)e, And he said to his wife, "Oh. I doot I will dee. I'm nearing the end, and as sure as a shot Ye'U get married agam and I'll soon be forgot. I wish ye wad hurry and slip on your shoon, And rin a' the road awa doon to the toon, And gang into the shop kept by Robbie McFee, And buy me the best woolen sark ye can see. " Now Nannie, his wife, was a smart kind o' body, She ga'e her consent, and soon got hersel' ready ; As oot at the door like a Untie she went She cried back to Tammie, "Noo baud ye content, And I will be back lang afore it is dark, And, my certy, I'll buy ye a braw woolen .sark, And I ha'e uae doot it will ease ye and mend ye So live ye in hope, and may heaven defend ye." Her thoughts were unsettled, and sair on the rack, As she breisted the brae and gaed doon the sheep-track. She gaed into the shop and said, " Mr. McFee. For your life hurry up, man, and wait upon me, Our Tammie's a' wrang — he's awa frae his wark, And ance errant I've come, man, to buy him a sark." He showed ner .some black anes, she cried in a crack, *' Get awa wi" your black anes — I winna hae black I What I want is a sark just as white as the snaw. " Quo' Robbie, " The white anes will no' do ava, There's some that are red — they're the best that I ha'e ; Wi' finger uplifted these words she did say — "I've seen living sheep, and I have seen dead anes, But, Mr. McFee, I have never seen red anes ; Ye may brag o' your red, and your black, and your blue. But there's nane o' them a' like the natural woo." .11 (in : i It II w. y\ il' Wii 126 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. CONSOLATION REJECTED. One day Tibbie Rintoul was cleaning np, and hIio liad her whole house in a state of confounded confusion. About mid-day anld Willy Rintoul, her good man, en- tered with a pair of spectacles on the bridge of his nose. He cried out, "Tibbie, is the dinner ready?" and im- mediately fell headlong among a lot of pots and pans. At this juncture Tibbie was on her knees scrubbing out the porridge pot with a heather ranger, and quoth she, " Dear rae, Willy, ha'e ye broken onything ? " " Dear me," quoth he, " I am more than sure that I ha'e broken baith ray legs." " Dear me," quoth she, " everything is mixed wi' mercy. It might have been worse. Ye ought to be thankfu' that ye didna break your neck." " Thankfu'," quoth Willy, " I wadna shed a solitary tear if I saw baith you and your infernal pots and pans sunk in the deepest dens o' Yarrow." NEVER MARRY A WIDOW. Donald Handyside is a stone mason, and a married man, and James Cobb stands ready to testify to the truth of the following narrative. On account of something going wrong with the links of his back and the lappets of his lungs, Donald was unable to lift either hammer or mell. He applied to a doctor, who gave him outward and inward applications, which scat- tered his ailments like the morning mists before the rising sun. He went home and found his wife lying snug in bed about 11 o'clock a. m. He cried out to her. " O, Rachel, I ha'e grand news, and I will give ye the CAidence," and with this he began dancing the High- land fling. When he concluded, Rachel said: "O, Donald, I was beginning to lose a' hope o' ye, but it SKKTCIIRS AND ANECDOTES. 127 disiiii' do to cast a\v;iy the cog when tlie cow flings. Now, wIk'I) your life ajtjicars to be prolonged, and, if ony thing should hai»|t('n to nic, never marry a widow unless lier first man was hanged." HETIV IJLAIR'S COURTSHIP. Away in Rcrwiiksliin-, iit a pliUf they ca' Driikemirc, In the year eiglitrcii {'orty-iiinc, There lived a maiden fair, and her name was Betty Blair, And T thouiilit that IJetty was divine. Doon beside the water edge, 'neutli tlie bonuic hawthorn hedge I said, "My f .St. Abb's to the ocean ! " When in the deep blue sea, Oh, my love I'll dream of thee. How you tilled my true heart with wounds ; But afore that I do this, I may tell you of my bliss. My grannie's left me ten hunder' pounds ! " Vou have all seen, 1 tiuppose, the dew drop on the rose. On the viohtt. ami the lil}' meek. But you never saw the tear tliat did instantly appear Like a pearl on her rosy check I Then she said, " My love, my pet, I deeply do regret That 1 tilled up your heart with sorrow ; All that I've got to say, we now will name the day. My providing will be ready by to-morrow." And now I'm free from care, for I married Betty Blair ; And my cup rs tilled with delight, For we've got a little elf, just the picture of myself. And it squalls every hour o' the night. |0 I 128 SKETCHES AXD ANECDOTES. Ir A STOUT HEART. My respected auld Grannie lived doon at Rigfit, And she had a strong share o' auld niither wit, Whatever transpired she'd ca' up the auld say, man, " Aye put a stout heart unto a steep brae, man." John Duflf broke his leg somewhere 'bout his knee, She put on her specs and 'quo she, " Let me see, John Duff, tak' advice, and no look sae wac, man, Aye put a stout heart unto a steep brae, man. " 'Twiid been worse, oh, John Duff, if yo had got a crack, That had broken your neck or the banes o' your back, Sae just be content in your bed ye maun stay, man, And put a stout heart unto a steep brae, mim." Meg Dods was a lass baith bonnie and braw. She got married, but haith her guidraan ran awa, Quo Grannie, " He's aff to the deil his ain way, mem, Meg ! put a stout heart unto a steep brae, mem. " It might ha'e been worse, some day or some night, He might taken a stick and felled ye outright ; O' ills choose the least, be glad he's away, mem. Touts ! put a stout heart unto a steep brae mem." Rab Dow lost his coo, .she loupd over the linn, Quo' Grannie to Robin, " Hout ne'er fash your tin, If it had been your wife ye might groan night and day, man, Rab ! put a stout heart unto a steep brae, man. " A coo is a brute, but a wife is a wife, Ye might ne'er get another a' the days o' your life ; A far bettor coo ye may e'en get this day, man, Sae put a stout heart vmto a steep brae, man." But Grannie fell sick, she was wearin' awa, And the minister cam' to lay (h>on the law ; A chapter he read, then expounded a text. But Grannie lay calinl}' and nae ways perplex'd. At length slie spoke out, " I have heard what ye said ; I ken I'm maist ready for shovel and spade ; But ae thing consoles me — my hope and my stay, man, I aye put a stout heart unto a steep brae, man." SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 129 Now Grannie slwps sound 'neath the lone willow tree. And the thought o' her aft brings the tear to my e'e ; She waA canty and kind, she needs uue defender, Folk liked her the mair the mair that they ken'd her. I'll ne'er see her mair, but I set up a stone. Wi' her name and her age chisel'd neatly thereon, And I added the words that she liked weel to say, man- " Aye put a stout heart unto a steep brae, man." BRING THE CAMPHOR. I have received a great number of communications, in which the writers display a great weakness of mind. They vainly endeavor to brow-beat me out of the strong ground I took, some two weeks ago, against their evohi- tion balderdash. Though ignorance prevails, yet wisdom still flings its banner to the breeze. Nature has drawn dividing lines between the species. According to "Gold- smith's Animated Nature " a canarv has never become a crow. If mv canarv began to crow I would break its neck and fling it into the back yard. Did any of Shake- speare's sons or daughters evolve and make their mark? Did Washington's sons carry the hod up the hill of fame? No, for this simple reason, that he had none. If ray blinking .illc.j will turn to Job, xl, 18, they will find that the Behemoth's "bones are as strong pieces of brass ; his bones are like bars of iron." Now, at this date the Behemoth ouglit to be as large as the city hall, and if ho had not become extinct he would have been a valuable addition to oui* " Detroit ^Museum of Art." I have the toothache. I do not desire to be pestered with any more of those letters. Let us have peace — peace on earth and good will among men and women. Martha, ray dear, bring the camphor. ' J ■'C *l0 1 1^ ■< I 13U ! J H HKKTCIIKS ANT) ANKCI>OTKS. THE MlLLKliS i>Around for America. After the usual tossing up an(i down on the broad Atlajitic, Priest and his family landed safely at Quebec, and after a tedious land journey they eventually settled down in the pleasant town of Peter- boro, in Upper Canada. Here Priest met many of his old friends and companions that had previously emi- grated, and, being of a jovial disposition, I am sorry to state that he became somewhat fond of the flowing bowl. He had been on what is vulgarly called "a burst" for several days, and on going up the street whom should he meet but Jimmie McPhail, a distant relation on his mother's side, and whom he had not seen for some years. Jimmie had also a cargo of whiskev aboard, and when the two met they were in such high feather, and so glatl to meet with one another, that they began daTicing tlic Highland fling on the public thoroughfare. After this they adjourned to tlio public house to wet their whistles and have a comfortable crack about Auld Lang Synt\ There they sat and sat and drank one another's hoaltii till the dead hour of midnight. At length Priest said, "Jimmie, let us gang hanu- and see Mary. Man, she will be glad to see ye ; but afore we gang we'll ha'e ;< red herrin' apiece and another dram. Landlord, bring tis twa red herrings and anotlier half mutchkin." These were brought, and after they were disposed of tlu-y paid the reckoning, which took the last cent that was in their pockets. The two then started on their journey, and they had gone only a short distance when Priest said, ■ 1 i ' i; 'I 1^ ^! 136 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. " Oh dear me, man Jiramie, that red herrin' has made me extraordinary dry, as sure as I am livin' I wad gi'e a' the world for a bottle o' Prestonpan's Table- beer." " I'm unco dry mysel','' which Jonson immediately replied, " Thank ve, thank ye, Ilawtliorndeu." On a beautiful morning in spring a sturdy beggar Avas wending his way through the wild solitudes of Gal- loway. On reaching the abode of the Rev. Samuel 8K ETCH KS AND A N KCDdTKS. 145 frrar Riitlierfonl, ho in<|uir('tt'rwas at home. To which t|iH'>«lion she maut jioor creature, he has mavbe seen better d.ivs and lias a soul to be saved like the rest o' us." After the stranger had tinisheeriod this narrative begins, had a daughter whose name was Maggy, and she was remarkable for her beauty, when it is taken into account the kind of stock she sprang from. She was on the verge of womanhood, and was one of the most notorious randies that ever ran there out. There was a 112 lid n p ■i '{i i ' f i \ 1 ■ r IS ^ / I til ■i 4 156 .SKPnXHES AND ANECDOTES. young man in the neigliljorhood, the son of a small farmer, who took a great fancy to ]Maggy and tried to civilize lier. lie even went so far as to oflFer her his hand in marriage, but she opened out upon him a per- fect torrent of abuse. "Awa out o' ma sight," she cried, " ve white-livered Huke I ve wretciied son o' a planter o' cabbage and a digger o' potatoes, ^larry you I that wad be a marriage wi' a vengeance ! D'ye think that I wad marry a miserable driver o' stots and stirks and broken doon horses ! Xa, iia, nane o' sic land-loupers will ever wile me awa frac ma mitlier ; the man that gets me maun be a tisiierman, bold and freo, that is able to sing the dredging sang and (;ast his net in Laro-o Bav. 8ae gang vere ways oot 'ht, ma bonnie man, and seek a wife amang ycre father's bond- aiyers, or for onv thing that I care, \<' may oantr and feed wi' tlie geese upon the links o" Musselburgh ! " After this, my informant states that this son of a farmer pestered Maggy no more, but went to seek a wife amongst the less barbarous of her sex. Notwithstand- ing all this, Maggy would have accepted the young farmer had she not been previously engaged to the son of a butcher, who was generally known by the name of Flesher Rab. This pair were married in due course, and Rab took up his quarters in the house of his mother- in-law, and they lived for some time together in great disorder. Rab was a most extraordinary glutton, and it took Maggy the best part of her time to cook fish and tlesh to appease his appetite. At length, one day, when her mother was absent she lost all patience, and she said, " Rab ! I ha'e a guid mind to crack this frying-pan over yere skull. Little did I ken when I married you that ve could eat the verv gable o' a kirk ! I am fair sick. tired wi' boiling and frying and washing plates and SKETCHliS AVD ANECKOTKS. 15 7 p.aiiH, and running to MiisselbiirLrli for niair meal. Losh guide us a', if it gae ye ony satisfaction it \vas Flesher Rab was sitting at the table with a saddh' of mutton before him. He looked up at his wife with utter astonishment, and then he said, "Maggy, when I married you little did I think that it wad come to tliis ; tiie man that is buckled to you wad be far better dead than alive, for to tell ye the universal truth ve are tit enough to break the heart o' an undertaker. How do you expect me to live if I dinna get ma meat ? " " Live," cried Maggy, '' if ye live muckle langer there will soon be a famine in the land, and that will be baith seen and heard tell o'. For my part I dinna care a snap o' ma tinger though the breath o' life was oot o' you this very moment. Sae ye can gang and whistle on yere thumb, for I am done wi* ve forever ! " Flesher Rab understood that a nod from her was as good as a wink to a blind horse. He also knew the frailties of his mother-indaw ; that she was sure also to pour the vials of her indignation upon his head, and rather than endure the lashings of her tongue he would a thousand fold prefer to stand between two blast fur- naces. So without anotlier word he took the saddle of mutton and tied it up in a handkerchief and left for parts unknown. For two years after this Maggy plunged recklessly into every kind of vice, and broke the moral law even to the nineteenth degree. One morning Flesher Rab was astonished when he received the following letter, dated M i\l ■ i; 1 l 1 i i ^i •i i it 1.58 SKETf'HES AND ANECDOTES. " Mlsselijuroh, , 1728. PoHt haste to FU'shor Hab, fare of Mr. John liull, Cattle Feeder, New C'uHtle-Upon Tyne, Kiigland, Near Scotland. Sir — I lift up the pen to h't ye ken that we are a* weel and that your wife Magtjy Dickson is to be hanL-ed for bairn rrnirder in the Grass Market, Edin- burjLfh, on Maunenday next and if ye can spare the time ye had belter come down and see her lianged. I add nae nwiir but remains, Y^ours till deth, TIIOS. CLINKSGALES." This letter had the desired effect, for the day before Maggy Dickson was to answer for her crime, Flesher Rab made his appearance in Musselburgh and soon found his friend Clinkscales, who kept a house for the " entertainment of man and beast." Next day the two proceeded to Edinburgh in a cart, and they aaw, as they thought, Maggy Dickson's earthly career brw.pfht to a final termination upon the gallows. Flesher Rnb and his companion then waited upon the authorities and received the dead body. They placed it in a chest, and then in a cart, and then drove it with the utmost fury out of the city. When about half w.ay on their road to Musselburgh they halted at a way-side public house, leaving the horse, cart and chest with its contents st ing at the door. They remained eating and 'i' nl i of the devil's punch boM'l till their heads got . .aicu darkness began to set in. When thev canu out their astonishment may be imagined when they saw M; rgy sitting bolt upright in the chest ! Flesher Rab's hair stood up, his nether jaw fell down, his nostrils dis- tended, his throat became as dry as a linie-kiln, his eyes ' SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 159 rolled in their sockets and glimmered like two stars of the first magnitude, his knees smote against each other, while a cold })ers|)iration oozed out from every pore of his body ! At len;;th he mustered courage and cried out, "Preserve us a' I Maggy, lie doon ! Do ye no ken that ye are hanged?" Clinkscales, however, had more gumjition ; he seized the reins and drove her to the nearest doctor, who placed her in bed, and by dint of certain inward drugs aiul outward poultices, in a few hours she became as lively as a blackbird on a A[av morning. On the next Sabbath she appeared at church, followed by a great concourse of people, and she heaid the minister deliver a most excellent discourse appli- cable to her case. For some years after she kept an ale-house, where many resorted to see her and birl their bawbees. When (juestioned regarding her experience on the gallows, she would toss her head and say, "Tuts, hangin' is no sae bad as what it is ca'd — it's muckle cry and little woo', as the tailor said when he sheared the soo. I didna' feel unco weel when I drappit wi' the rope round ma thrap- ple, and whan swingin' backward and forward like the pendulum o* an aught-day clock, but when I got used to the business I just felt as if I was fleein' through the air on the tap o' a pair o' bagpipes to the tune o' "Guid nicbt and joy be wi' ye a'.'" There is an old Scottish proverb which s.iys, " An ill life, an ill end," and Maggy Dickson's life well illus- trates the truth of it — for I have no less an authority than Robert Chambers, who states that " in spite of the awful lesson she had, Maggy was not reformed, but, according to the popular tradition, lived and died ayniu an impenitent pro'Higate I " II III'* \V i' 160 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. if ■0 I i THE VVIFK OF LAMMEUMOOR. Ilnscribed ti> K. S. Greoe, Esq., Detroit.] In Laniniermcior in bv-gane days, There liv'd a herd ca'd Tanimie Craze; A better name niiulit be inserted, IJut liistorv must not be perverted. His fatlier \vas a iierd afitre liim. But to tlie kirkyard fliey had bore iiini. Folk may \\vv\) and rant, ami rav(.', But they ean never eheat the t;;ravc — For, while reek rises frae the lum, Folk will gang, and folk will come, But nature's work is never dune. Pair Tammie tilled his father's .shoon. His mither had got auid and stiff, Ae nieht, wae's me, she took a tiff, And as the daylight reached the hills, And sinimer'd on the wimplin' rills. Her spirit calmly stole away. To hail the never ending day. His mither, Tammie sair lamented, He daunder'd round like ane demented; While feckly dormant were his senses. His sheep leaped over dykes and fences; But Tammie had an ancient collie That seemed to wonder at their folly; Nature instinctive taught this dog, To rout the .sheep from lair and bog, Wliich plainly showed by this ability E'en dogs have a redeeming quality. In Tammie's heart grief hatched her hrood. And nursed his melancholy mood; His hopes, his pleasures, all were tied. His tho\ights were cradled with the de;id. The midniglit echoes heard his moan, He lived forsaken and alone; The heather round him fragrance shed. The lavrocks lilted 'bune his head, The blacki)ird's notes, so sweet and clear. Fell coldlv on his listless ear. m SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 161 it The doctor tried to bring relief, lie oiil\' added grief to grief; The minister e'en t(joii occasion, To case him of his tribulation; His words tliough ortliodox and sound Just fell like water on the ground. Come love ! and try your healing ari, Come I cheer up Tammie's drooping heart. 'Twas in a bonnie morn in ^Ia\' ; The low'ring clouds had passed awa\ The golden sun's effulgent rays, Danced tip-toe on the hills and brae-;. This day when Tainmie was abroad, He saw a lass on the fit-road, And blythely as she tripped alang, She liltit ower an auld Scotch sang. She was a charming Scottish lassie. Although she looked a wee thought saucy; Yet this, at times, in women's faces, Add e.xtra beauty to their graces. Poor Tamniie glowr'd, and then forsooth, His heart leai)ed to his very mooth. He swithered, then he stood a-back, And then he folhnved on her track; His leaden eye became more bright, His heart rebounded with delight. O, how he loved the pretty maiden; He worship'd e'en the ground she gaed on I Though uninformed, yet I'll l)e bound, The lassie keekit cannie njund, I'll wager my last plack upon it, For Tammie she had .set her bonnet ! I trow it is a golden rule To never tell tales out of school ; But truth compels me to relate, She pitied Tammie's lonely state; She saAV the banc, she laid a plot To l)ring about the antidote I And here I miglit as well mak' mention, A woman's wit's past comprehension, Kout, tout I a man's no worth a chip, She is the rudder o' the ship. Q !P 1^1 162 i: l'^ II oy was tempest toss'il, Ah me ! the master sulTered most; Yet at each tear and at each hollow, He hoped that <,food residts would follow; His aim was error down to trample, Both by his precept and example. O" lang-syne tales he had the function To lay them off wi' muckle unction. Yes ! at the crack he had a gift, Could wile the lavrock frae the lift ; And though his wit was sharp and keen He never spoke a word obscene. He guided youth, he counselled age, He snulfed and read the classic page. He'd wander over dale and liill, And scenes he'd sketch wi' mickle skill. One day he entered Tammie's cot. From Tammie words came burning hot; "Thomas" he said. " I at you speir H' man or wife is master here ? " 'J'hen Tanunie cried " without a doubt That's wliat I'm trying to find out. Master. I'm unco proud that ye Should come and visit sic as me. ]My faith we've had an unco racket- To tell the truth I'm maisf distracket. Come, sir, sit doon and toast your taes. And hear my catalogue o' waes." The gu id wife was a wee thought vex'd, And 'fore the master stood preplex'd; But this ; h ' tried hard to dissemble, Although iier nether lip did tremble. The silent tear unbidden came; She trowed it a black-burning .shame — That thus her faults should be disclos'cl, And 'fore the master stand expos'!ush o' the tiow'rs in the sylvan bowers, O, they siiiile to you and me. Tiie sun sliines briglit in the lift aboon. And the birds siuir sangs o' glee, On the grassy howe and the Ijroomy knowe, 0, tlioy sing to you and me. T^hey sing tlieir .sangs their bonny, bonny sangs, Till daylight shuts her e'e; Tiien doon in the dell by the crystal well My true love comes to me. O, eomc to me, my own tru AXECDOTES. (ilf I, 1 t V .1 founded by St. Abb in the seventh century, and believed to be the finst that was established in Scotland. Its magnificence and extent may be imagined when it is stateelon<^ed the finest and most fertile lands in that neiffli- borhood. In the olden times the Laminermoor range of hills was studded with a chain of strongholds, castles and forts, and this monastei-y of St. Abl)s was one of the first links in that chain. Th" ne.vt stronghold was situated on the brow of Cockbundaw, and known to this day by the name of Eden's Hold. This last named pla(^e, tradition has it, was held in the possession of a giant of immense strength, and the place is still pointed out where he leaped a deep chasm over the Whitat. The audience was granted and the dcHtruction of the giant was deferred, to the great disai)pointment of a large concourne of i)eo})le who had asseinbk'd to witriesH the tenaiuation of his earthly career. The Turk after paying his obeisance to the Abbot handed Iiim letters of introduction written in the Latin tongue, the j)urport of which went to inf«jrni him that the Turk was the greatest swordsman that the world had ever jik.- duced, and that no man that had ever entered the lists against him lived, but, on the contrary, were all invaria- bly cut to pieces. On reading these letters an idea struck the Abbot that it would be a good plan, instead of throw- ing the giant into the sea, to match him in battle against the Turk. He then made known his decision to his subor- dinates, and desired that the giant be brought to his presence in the yard of the court. The giant approached with his keepers, with his hands tied behind his back, and then the Abbot informed him that he had altered his mind, and that he preferred that he should be put to death by the hand of the Turk. He then gave orders to unbind him, and a spear was placed in his hand. The truni}>ot sounded for the onset, and the Turk looked at the giant with an air of disdain and contempt. To show forth his agility the notion struck him to leap over the head of the giant. He gave a spring. The giant eyed him, and when he was immediately above his head he raised his spear, and sent it up through the body of the Turk with such force that the stricken Turk fell on the SKKK IIKS ANI» ANKCnoTKft. 17a top of the Gfiiiut, who n-fcivcfl him with as much com- poHiiiv ;is an ordinary tnnrtal woiiM t'cd the arrival of a tlakc of snow. The sfx-ctators then rent tlic air \vit)i aj)j)l:iMS(', anr a time to hold the winning '-ard. He being elated with success tossed upon the stone table two bags of gold. On seeing this, Satan overturned the table upon the toes of the criant, seized tlie bags of gold and ilewoff in the direction >vhere in after years Cromwell marched his soldiers into the interior of Scotland. It is impossi- ble at this date to describe the agony that the giant experienced. At length with one great effort he pushed the stone table into the sea, and then he grasped hold of the stone in- sat o)i and hurled it through the air after the devil. He sent it with such force, as before hinted, he left the imprint of his hand on its side. Satan looked over his shoulder wlien nearing the top of Dunse- law, and he saw and heard the mighty stone booming through the air. He grasped the bags of gold tighter below his armpits and redoubled his exertions, for in devils, as well as in mankind, self-preservation is their first law. The perspiration was streaming out of every pore of his carcass before ho skimmed the top of Hai- den's hill. Vet still he flew, and better llew. As In- bounde 4^, leiision. 17»; SKF/miKS AND ANECDOTES. 1C JOirX AUXOTTrt BAIRNS. John Ariiott livi !ill his wife And bairns were living- wi' him. How pleased was he, how plea.sed were ihey, He saw it in their faces, When he informed them that liis wife Had now nirio lads and lasses. When they heard this, " IJy George." they erjo' And oil they went, dc-larin' Thai they wotdd look around and buy Ilk ane o' them their fiiirin'. When John got hamo' bout ten o'clock, His wife unto him said, "John. Jolm, keep still, y<']\ wake the wri m. The weans are a' in bed," Wi' this wee Jean ga'e Tam a clout ; Her mither cried, " For shame," Tam woke, then yelled wi' all his might, " Jean, Jean, my father's hame." Then frae their beds the bairnies sprang. And ther*' \\a> sic a scene. When he ga'e Tam a rattle, and A trumpet gave to Jean. To I*at(.' he gave a pearie, and Wee Smiimie got a top . And Nainiie ,got a braw, l)raw doll. And Mei!- a skijiping rope. ^r SKITC'HKS A%r> A.VKCIi :>; r:s. A I'.MifOry slifiwl li(> handed Nell, \Vi' How IS wron'j-iit up tlic middle; Paul ■/,(,! a dou'ilc-!.];vd('ii kniCi , Anil I\(.M.io w-ot ;i fiddle. He gave tliciii nuts and ginacr-brerjd, And 8audy got a whistle, And here I blusli when 1 record— They sent .loh'i's wife a hustle. But tliere was one— qu(>en of my Jiear'- Wliosc wort!) can ne'er he told ; I sent to iifT a hraeelet, and Two rings of hcalen gold. ! what ;i night o' fun they had ; O ! what a night o' din. 'Twas late e'er tliey got bedded, and Next, moiji they a' sieeped in ! 177 CELP^BUATING THE FOURTFI. As my beloved aunt y liad Ix-en ai!in_LC for some time wi' a sort o' wheezing c<)u<;li, yet the spirit of enthusiasm seized us baith, and we thought we wouhl celebrate the Fourth in Wind.sor. Wlu-n we returned hame, in the gloaming, and after my beloved aunty had brushed all the flies out of the house, I immediately sat down and wrote the following : Breathes there a man with soul so dead, who never to himself hath said, this is mine own, my native land- George Washington. Tliy spirit, independence, let me share, Lord, of the lion-heart and eagle-eye — Ilenrv Clay. Hail to the chief who in iriumph advances! honored and blessed be the ; and — shut up her note book. .____ CULLODEN. Tlie biiltlo's lost ! When day was gom* The sky began to lour, And murky clouds hung like a pall O'er dark Culloden moor. The Stewart cause is over lost, Hark ! hark ! upon the gale Is borne the shout of triumph and The clansman's dying wail. Among the wounded and the dead A maiden treads her waj. And aye the te^rs r()lled down the cheek« O' bonnie Nellie Gray, When darkness lle(l. ar.d when the lisfht Its morning curtain drew. Oh, how .she kissed thi; lips o' him She lo'ed sac leal and true. She's ta'en him to her father s ha', And when n])on tlie wa}', 'Twas lifu in death to lean upon His bonnie Nellie Gray. She hi' the gallant Graham Forever passed away, SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 181 Down by the burn in Gleumore glen, Where weeping willows wave, There sleeps tlie chief— the gallant Gralium- The brarest of the brave. They laid hini in the dreary dell. 'Way from the haunts o' men- Down where the streamlet soughs and .si,L'h« And murmurs through the glen. The ro6es tied frae Nellie's cheek, The ro.ses fled away. And broken, broken was the heart O' bounie Nellie Gray. For days they sought her by the burn, They sought her far and near; They called her, but no answer fell Upon the list'ning ear. They sought lier down in Gleumore glen Where weeping willows wave, 7 hey found lier slee])ing her last .sleep Upon her lover's grave ! A HOT NIGHT. For some years Benjamin F. Thompson studieci "Cooley" and other law writens. The law profes.sion, however, did not agree witli his moral susceptibilities 80 he renounced it and bought a few cows, and he now ' Waterloo." "As truth may lannt.J Wt'lconie. sweet bird of curly spring, I've watched for flice so iJrig; O, how it ciieers riiy weary heart Once more to hear tiiy song ! 1 see lliee from my lonesome couch, I watch thee through the pane; Thy song of gladness thrills my hejirt, And hope comes bacli again. Thou comest unto me as from The golden gates above, Like sunlight on the cloud of gloom— A messenger of love. The primrose smiles beneath the hedge, The bee seeks out the llow'r, The gowau lifts its head to greet The coming genial show'r The grass-green leaf bedecks the tree. The flowers are blooming fair; The sunlight dances in on me, And lightens all my care, Tlie weary wint'ry days have fled, Bird of sweet song I how fain I am to hear thy song of joy. And welcome thee again.' The sun has set 'mong fleecy clouds,. The gloamin' steals along, The dew-drop falls, and thou hast sung To me thy eveiu"ng soug. Bird of the spring, with jet black wing. And breast like burnished gold, Thy song melodious brings to me A hope, a joy untold. To me thou'rt linked by nature's hand, O, could I wile thee near ! I'd fondly fold thee to my breast, And love thee all the year 13 185 Htm •fflUK IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 I.I 1.25 IIIIIM i^ m :40 2.0 11= i.4 IIIIII.6 V] ■c^l (^ ^ ■ 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER. NY MSBO (716) 872-4503 ^ 186 SKETCHES A3fD ANECDOTES. I' i . c K:.l' K: A CHANGE. Auld Sandy McDonald thus complained : " Man, I was ill yesterday. I was sair haudin' doon wi' the coal- black cluds o' misery. My banes were a' sair, and there was a noise in ma head like the birr o' a spinnin'-wheel. As sure as I am a livin' mortal, my speerit descended to the very nebs o' my taes. Parritch ! I couldna look at them, and as for broze the verj'' smell o' them was enough for my stomach. I was e'en livin' 'mang V>icker8 o' agony, and bowie's o' distraction. Man I Ilka breath I drew gaed up and down my thrapple like living blast frae a blacksmith's fire. At the lang and the last the sweet began to gush oot o' me frae ilka pore, like water oot a water cart. Noo, mark the change. Me and my guidwife had a guid niglit's rest last night, and this raornin' my heart is as light as the down of the gossa- mer when it is Heein' hither and thither amang the hills." CAULD WEATHER. [Inscribed to David Beveridhe, Esq.] The winter's come at last, Wi' a gurrly bitter blast, < The wild winds how eerielj' they roar ! Oh, haste. Alice, haste, There is nac time to waste, And double lock and bar up the door. My harp now hand me o'er, I'll touch its strings once more, There's naething like a sang, I say; Song is the only art That can cheer up the heart, When auld folk are dowie and wae Oh ! what a dreary view, The burn is roarin' fu', And lashing the bank and the brae. The trees are standing bare. Like victims of despair When the last gleam of hope dies away. SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 187 Up from the days remote, Care is the common lot, He is Icing over way-faring man ; There is sunshine here and there, Tliere is sorrow everywhere. Yet nature ne'er wanders from her plan. Though weary, worn with care. Though hedged in with despair. And friends are far and few ; Yet still, Alice, mine, We must never repine While the bright star of hope is in view. THE WEAPON FELL. It has come to my knowledge that parents far too frequently overlook the transgressions of their children. When these parents, I have often heard, are admonished of their neglect of discipline, they often fling these remarks in your teeth and say : ** It is impo.ssible to put an old head on young shoulders ; " or, " Boys will be boys." This is all very well ; but children, in my poor opinion, ought, under all circumstances, to be early trained to feel the rod of correction. To prove these facts, the following is submitted without reservation : Lucan Garland resides with his j»aronts on Locust street, and he is named after the village of Lucan, which is beautifully situated on the Liffey, province of Leinster. One day Lucan threw a stone which almost broke the back of an old maid's favorite cat. The old maid informed Mrs. Garland of this, and she flew at Lucan like a clocking hen at a collie dog and carried him into the house. She then ordered him to sit down on a stool, which he did with tearfulness. She then ordered him to take off his shirt, which he did with meekness. She then procured a big stick, but when she saw his mmm 5 -;! i m-f »' 1.!* ': i 1- € < r I ii! t i; 188 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. beautiful white neck, the tear of compassion fell upon her hand. Her hand became powerless and in a moment the deadly weapon fell to the ground. TWO LOVE-LETTERS. These two letters contain a pleasing correspondence that lately took place between Mr. John Scott and Miss Fanny Blair. They illustrate the tender emotions of the human heart. They prove that Robert Southey was correct when he penned these words : " They err who tell us love can die." As the fire-and-flint age has passed away, this age may be considered as the age of investigation and proof. With this in view, I may state that Mr. John Scott is descended, by a direct line, from Sir Michael Scott, the great Scottish wizard, who flourished in that country about the thirteenth century. Among some of his can- trips I may remark that he cleaved the Eildon hills into three cones, and put a bridle on the river Tweed when that river was at top flood. As for Miss Blair, she is a lineal descendant of the Rev. Robert Blair, who was minister of Athelstoneford, Scotland, the celebrated author of " The Grave," and who died in the year 1 746. It may not be foreign to the subject to state that the writer of these lines, in the year 1849, stood with due reverence beside his lowly grave. HE. Postman, this letter take with care, Instanter to Miss Fanny Blair. Since meeting you upon Belle Isle I'm in a woeful plight. Your lovely image, Fanny dear, Haunts me both day and night. ^ SKETCHES AND ANECD0TB8. 189 I spoke, and when you spoke, my dear. Oh, how my heart did beat ; Your voice, like "Annie Laurie's" voice, Is very low and sweet. The sun came out, and when I raised Your paraaol, my dear, I felt as if my heart had fled To some angelic sphere. Oh, how I longed to kiss your lips— To vow and to beseech ; But my heart failed and then, my dear, I lost the power of speech. You recollect upon that day We met beside the stream, We sat, we rose, and then we took Three dishes of ice cream. I felt so strange, as if the earth Was rocking underneath me; I strove to find, but failed to find What was the matter with me, 'Twas love ! I found that Cupid's dart Had pierced me through and through; My Fanny ! none can comprehend The love I have for you. Sweet grows the apple on the tree. The cherry and the pear. But none of these are half so sweet. So sweet as Fanny Blair. At times I feel so sad, .so lone, Lone as the lonesome night; The thought of you dispels the cloud And brings the golden light. With this I send you a red rose And a forget-me-not, While I remain, My dearest dear, Forever yours, John Scott. I '! ", : ! ^^ 190 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. i: c f I H' I r. SHE. Postman, Fly just like a shot, And take this note to Mr. Seott. Dear Mr. Scott, Your letter came To me the other day, And when I read it I grew pale, And fainted clean away. They bathed my hands, they bathed my brow, With what the French call eau. Yet, for a space my life was lost Among the sands of woe. I could not for a moment think, I could not understand, How you could dare to ask of me To give to you my hand ! I'm living with my parents now. My parents kind and true, And I would rather live with them Than I would live with you. We may have brothers, sisters, and At times may have a lover. But there can never be a word That sounds so sweet as mother. My father has a house and lot On Brush street and Atwater, And he holds bonds at 8 per cent, And I'm his only daughter. I would not like to write down " Yes," But, Mr. Scott, I'd rather That you would come around and hold Some converse with my father. Though caution tells me, Mr. Scott, From all men to beware. Yet notwithstanding I remain, Yours truly, Fanny Blair. SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 191 P. S.— Some Sunday, if you think It would be wort': my while, I'll bake u cake and we will take It with us to Belle Isle. O ! 'twill be grand when spring-time comes Upon Belle Isle to be; To hear the birds sing o'er their songs Of love to you and me. But I must lay aside my pen, A nd get the coffee ground, So 'bout Belle Isle we will arrange Some night when you come round. My father thinks that coffee is More nourishing than tea, He calls, I go, While I remain. In haste, yours, Fanny B. JEAN GORDONS PORRIDGE POT. Being reared near the village of Yetholm, Scotland, I flatter myself that I was much respected by the male and female gypsies who were residents of that place. If health and strength holds out I intend to write a history of these people from time immemorial up to date. As a specimen of the contemplated work, and as a sort of avaunt courier, I fling out the following : Charley Young was a tinker who made and mended pots and pans, and Sandy Faa, who had the royal blood of the Faa's coursing through his anatomical structure, was a horner. That is, that he manufactured horn spoons out of the horns of cows and other horned animals. One day Charley and Sandy got drunk, and Sandy sold Charley a horse for seven shillings and si.\- pence sterling. Next day Charley met Sandy and he said to him, " Ye are a mo.st notorious vagabond, scoun- M A ••I a 'I 102 SKKTCIIES AND ANECDOTES. c c r f 1 » A -' I r< ! 196 AKKTCilKS AM) ANK« HOTKH. . -I't' if ;l. i'.H M ! Quo' hi>: " I will not in*)V(> tliein though Your horst; with gold was sIknI; So ye limy turn your horsr's head And gang the «)th4>r road." Quo' he: " I'll turn ahout and tell The provist upi>n you, And I may whisper that my name Ih John, duke of Buccleugh," The provist looked with bitter scorn, He cried : " Now stop your clamor, I am lord provist, and take care O' my great big stane hammer. "Ye tell mc that ye are a duke. Ye maybe are a marquis; But faith, I carena' though ye be The prince o' outer darkness. " The duke cried, " Provist, take a gnuflf," Which brouglit them close together. Syne they set down and cracked amang The bonnie blooming heather. They cracked and snuffed and better SDufTd; The hours Hew past wi" speed. That e'en the duke forgot to go To Berwick-upon-Tweed. And oh, his wife sat up that night And sair did greet and moan, And wring her lily hands and cry, " What can be keeping John ? " But when he met Her Grace — his wife, Whom he did love most dearly, She dried her tears, and then — what then ? She kissed him most sincerely. As for the provist, he ran hame. And roared, "Ye burghers, see This gold snuff box that I got from My lord— Oh, mercy me ! " ' I ! : !!■ ■ .,fi, ;1 • MKRTniRH AND ANKare, What wond'rous visions of the mind Thy fervid pencil drew. Of spirits in the earth and air. Of every shape and htie. Thy scenes are tilled with human forms As if with magic art. They come— they answer at thy call— To speak and play their part. With curious shapes ye deck'd the trees, The bush, the fern and tlower. And mankind wonders more and more At thy creative power I Forgotten are the great and brave. The migljty kings and sages. But Shakespeare will be idoliz'd Througli all the coming ages. Shakespeare ! I fain would sing of thee A song angelic sweet. And bow the knee with humbleness. And worship at thy feet. ■I i ! t I I !98 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. THE DAFT DAYS. To John A. Brite, Es(|., Hamilton, Ont.: My Dear Friexd — Some time aj^o I spent eonsid- erable time in a vain endeavor to trace the root and meaning of the word " Hogmanay," but the more I advanced tlie further tlie meaning of tlie word receded. In "Jameson's Scottish Dictionarv " it is classe(i as a word of dou})tfuI meaning. Prof. IloVjinson, of Edin- burgh, considered tliat it had its origin from the French words At) guex menez, whicii means " to the mistletoe go." Another philologist was of the opinion that the word in question came also from the French An f/uex menez, which means " l)ring to the l)eggars." Robert Chambers makes mention of a custom in tlie Highlands of Scotland where one of the young people gets a dried cow's hide which he drags l)ehind him, and the rest fol- low beating the hide with sticks and singing the follow- ing rhyme in Gaelic, which is thus translated : " Hug man a', Yellow bag. Beat the skin Carlin in neuk, Carlin in kirk, Carlin ben at the fire. Spit in her two eyes. Spit in her stomach. Hug man a'." It will he observed that the words "Hug man a'" are used twice in this rhyme, which much reseml>les the word " hogmanay." The reader will also observe that the word " Carlin," that is old woman, is also thrice introduced. In illustration of this rhyme a Lowland Scotch friend of mine, who knew nothing of this High- land custom, and who never saw the rhyme above ^ SKETCHES AST) ANECDOTES. 199 time. At the ingle-side there sat an auld carlin wha was wat.hin' the partial proceedin's o' the stranger, and she roared out to him, 'i?-*^^ tnan n\' which means in Em-lish, * Man, embrace the rest of the lasses,' or in other ^^•r».•dsi * Do not bestow all your attention on one.' " My friend may be right, or he may be wrong, but there is certainly some connection between the IfigTlaiul rhyme and the Lowland tradition. lie is right^ how- ever, in calling these days ''The Daft Da}^s."' The unfortunate poet Fergus.«on wrote a poem entitled " The Daft Days," from which, in illustration of the customs of the time, the following may be quoted : "Let mirth abound, let soeiiil cheer Invest tlie dawiiin' o' the yefir; Let blytljsome innocence appear To crown our joy: Nor envy wi' sarca.stic sneer * Our bliss destroy. • And thou ijreat trod of A(|Uavitac, Wha' sways the empire o' tliis citv— Whan fou, we're sometimes capernoity— Be thou prepared To hedge us frae that black banditti, The city guard." i I, hii r «id, sir, but now I am alive, And blessed be the doctor that made me revive, We'll all join hands and never fight more, We'll all be good brothers as we lia'e been afore. Enter Judaa—lli're comes .Judas, Judas is my name. If ye put not sillf r in my bag for guidsako, mind our wamel When I gaed to the castle yett and tirled at the pin, They keepit the key o' the castle and wadna let me in. I've been i' the east carse, I've been i' the west carse, I've been i' the Carse o' Gowrie, Where the cluds rain a' day pease and beans, And the farmers theek houses wi' needles and preens; I've seen geese gaun on pattens. And swine fleeing i' the air like peelings o' iugons. Our hearts are made o' steel, but our bodies sma' as ware If you've ony thing to gie us, stap it in there. (Pointing to the bag.) All sing — Blessed be the master o' this house, and the mistress also. And a' the little bairnies that round the table grow; Their pockets fu' o' siller, their bottles fu' o' beer— A merry, merry yule, and a happy New Year. Different songs were then sung by the guizards, either individually or collectively. In my early years, when residing in the Laniiuer- raoors, I took an active part in these heartsome and lightsome frolics. At one of these one of ray compan- ions sang a song which I have never seen in print. The burden of it I can only remember : " There's ae ae cog and a cog between, There's twa twa cogs and a cog between. There's three three cogs and a cog between ; The miller's daughter kens rigiit weel How many cogs there's in the mill wheel." I have a number of rhymes connected with the "Daft Days" — the braw days o' lang-syne, but, my dear sir, I must draw this letter to a conclusion. 204 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. c < «» ;<■ A LAY OF ABBEY ST. BATHANS. [Inscribed to Wh. Youno, Esq., Hamilton, Ont.] In the very heart of the Lamraerraoor hills is situated the small village of Abbey St. Bathans. About the end of the last century the Rev. Mr. Skedd was its par- ish minister. He was not like some ministers of these days, who were called " dry sticks," but on the contrary was a most eloquent preacher in the pulpit, and out of it was famed far and near for his ready wit. Like other ministers of that period, Mr. Skedd was very poorly paid for his ministerial services, and had enough to do to maintain a. large family upon a small income, and was obliged, for the purpose of making '* ends meet," to manufacture, on a small scale, baskets and potato creels, which were sold by his wife to the farm- ers in the vicinity. Mr. Skedd was in the habit of making one basket every week day, and numbered the days of the week by the number of baskets he made. He was very absent-minded and forgot that he had preached on a Thursday in a neighboring parish, and curious to relate his little daughter found him early on a Sabbath morning at work upon the sixth creel. The outs and ins of this incident have been turned into rhyme to show that the best^samples of the human race may fall into error: — Aboot the uughteeu bunder year, When meal and meat were unco dear, When wark and siller, too, were scant. And folk were like to dee for want, E'en folk that ance were rale weel off Could barely buy a quarter loaf. But be content their gabs to gust Wi' heel o* cheese or bannock crust, And as for beer to aid digestion Wah just a thought clean out the question. I' SKETCHES AXD ANECDOTES. 905 situated jout the i its par- of these contrary d out of it. Like was very I enough [ income. g ends ikets and the farm- habit of bered the he made, t he had Irish, and early on eel. The rned into iman race >n. Haith ! they were glad to lielp themsels Wi' hiilcsonie dniughts fnie nature's wells. The halms that anoe hail breeks and braws Went duddy ind as lean as craws. When mothers heard tlit-ir wants and wishes Saut tears wad fa' in empty dishes, The men, maist feck, were cowed and worrit, And wished that they were dead and burrit, ' Ane e'en wad think that dool and care Cam' scowlin' in the very air ! In Abbey's auld romantic toon, Where Whitadder comes rowin' doun, And lingers in her seaward race. As laith to leave so sweet a place; Green grows the grass, the woods how green, Nature ne'er made a fairer scene ! In the auld manse, half up the brae, A preacher lived for monie a day; Weel versed was he in Gospel law, But liech ! his stipend was but sm'a'. And here it may as well be said, The preacher's name was Air. Skedd; His wife was somewhat cross and fretit, Gude faith ! her bairns were nae-ways petit, For aft she'd gi'e them monie a lecture, And lounder them past a' conjecture. Ae morn she said. " Now, Mr. Skedd, It's just twal' years since we were wed, The bairn is sleepin' in the cradle, The twins are playing in the stable, The lave ha'e a' gane doon the brae. To pu' the rasps till middle day, Sae now gi'e up your meditation, And take a half-hour's recreation; Ye sit and read, ye sit and write, Ye're drooned in thought frae morn to night, Your mind is aye upon the rax, Nae mair I hear your canty cracks; Suppose we gang athwart the knowe, To where the birks and willows grow." »«< 1 r j; hi fei vn 4'i li- 20ti HKETCIIES AND ANECDOTES. C!! c r m» ilHI The giiidniau gti'e a canty laugh, And soon he gat his hat and staff, Then aff they gaed wi' cannie trudge. Up past the bonnie Imwtliorn hedge, Until they came upon the bank, Wliere willow wands were waving rank. And then she looked at her guidnian, And said, " 'Twas here our love began, And since, though often sair and sick, I've kept the band aye in the nick, And dune my best in every shape To keep the house 'ueath thack and rape; Ikit, now, my dear, you may depend. At last I've cotne to my wit's end; The meal's a' dune and what is worse, I've no ae penny in my purse." He ga'e a kind o' vacant stare. And said, " We'll spend an hoiir in prayer." " Na, na, " quo' she, " the proverb tells, • The Lord helps them that lielp themsel's;' Just look at a' time willow wands. If they were placed in nimble hands, Ouidman ! they're supple as the eels, And easy fashioned into creels; And when ance made, I'm free to think, They could be sold as quick as wink." " What, what," quo' he, " what's that you «ay ? I'm sure I could make one per day." " Enough," she said, "this afternoon The bairns will sned the willows doon; " Sae Mr. Skedd and his guid dame Reversed their steps and trotted hame. It wasna' lang ere routh o' wands Were placed in ministerial hands; lie scarce took time to take his meals; And in sax davs he made sax creels. Ae day the guid wife to him went And cried, " Come, see what Heaven has sent," He gazed, then into raptures flew His auld mealark was heapit fou ! SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 207 At' autumn mom afore the dawin' And 'fort' the cocks began a-crawin', He raised Ids liead frae afT the pillow And soon besjfan to twist the willow; And on that morn lu aft did say, " Where there's a will there's aye a way." Now Mrs. Skedd when she arose. Sortn filled the bickers fou o* hrose ; And then she said to daughter Jean, " Gac, wipe the eob-wehs frae your een, And seek your fayther in the study, And tell him that Ins breakfast's ready." The lassie ran wi" a' lier might, But, oh : she gat an unco fright, She stood transli.xed wi' fear and awe, And scarce a single breath coidd draw. Her eyes seemed as they'd burst their sphere-. Till deluged with a flood o' tears, And then she spoke in words of wae, " Fayther ! this is the Sabbath day ! "' The creel fell doou atween liis knees, His wits came back by slow degrees; He rose and said, "ye little jade. This week I've only five creels made." Then she cried out " Satan will tak' us, Thursday ye preached at Lockermacus; He placed his hand upon her head, He looked like one- whose life had fled; O 'twas a mournful .sight to scan The visage of this holy man. At length he raised his eyes to Heavi.'n, And prayed his sins might be forgi\(;n. HI mw\ APPLICATION. Folk : the kernel of this tale disceiu, And never be too old to learn; Wise is the saw, I pray attend it, A turn begun is maist half endit; Jingle and jow St. Bathan's bells— The Lord lielps them that help themsel's. II 208 SKKTCIIES AND ANKCUOTKS. REVIEWING THE CIRCUMSTANCES. c € III! u if. Willy Dandy was a driijErgist's apprentice, and it was considered that he was a callant that possessed niair than ordinary' al)ility. When he reached his seventeenth year a great change overcame him. lie turned donnert and absent-minded, but worst of all, the meat he took didna' do him ony guid, and the result was that he fell awa' to perfect skin and bone. The reason assigned for this w.as that he had got a fearful dose of calf-love. He had fallen ower head and ears in love wi' Bell Pip- per, alass wha belanged to the singin' band, and wha skir- rled in the Parish kirk. Ae day an auld wife frae Buncle entered the drug-shop, and frae Willy gat a quarter of a pound of Epsom salts. She had not been long gone when the love-sick blockhead discovered that he had given her a quarter of a pound of deadly poison. On becoming aware of this, his heart dunted against his ribs, and his eyes winked and blinked as if they were about to leap out of their sockets. His master was from home, and he could not leave the shop to follow the wife, but when night came he procured a horse and rode into Buncle at full gallop. On finding the auld wife's house he flung the bridle-reins on the neck of his horse, and dismounted and dashed into the presence of the auld wife. He found her half-naked, sitting at the side of the fire, and the deadly drug in a tea-cup sitting on the jamb-stane. W^illy immediately roared out to her : " Dinna drink the drug, it is poison ! poison ! poison ! " On hearing this the auld wife fell into a fit — she raised her hands and then fell head-long upon the floor. On observing this Willy rushed to the door, leaped on the horse, and when its nose was turned in the home direction he said to himsel', "It's a' up wi' me SKKTf IIES AND ANECDOTKS. 20P „oo— I've killed licr onyway." When the auM wifo came to her mental e(iiiilil,nuin she sat up on tlie floor, and, on reviewing tlie eireiinistanees, she said, '* Blast him, if I couhl i,'et a liaiid o' liim I wad knock the day- lights oot o' him I " TlfK TOWN OK WVAXDOTTK. Withui tlic bound'rios o' our state. Way up to Kowceniiw, There's liills and dells and crystal wells, And monk' a spivnding sliaw ; But 'man,!,' the rounds in a' the bounds There's not so sweet a spot, There's not a place more dearer than The town of Wyandotte. It stands amang the waving woods, Where robins sweetly sing, And where the sparrows build their nests In early days of spring ; Where violets bloom and roses blush To the forget-me-not, Which tlower tiie maidens love to wear Who dwell in Wyandotte. Though Wyandotte is miles away, My thoughts are ever there, For in a cottage now resides My chiefest earthly care. How sad the day ! how sad the hour ! Tears from my eyelids shot, When my wife went, four weeks to spend Away in Wyandotte I see her in the midnight hour. I saw her on the way. When steaming past upon the boat Way down to Put-in Bay. When steaming back I sang wi' glee A soHg called " I'm Atloat." When something whispered in my ear— "Your wife's in Wvandotte." ■ - 1 t ,, , Cut •m < r •ttii r I ',1 .1 . i j 1 ! 1» ! A ! . k^ ; I t . 21U SKKTCIIKS ANU ANKCDOTKH. MRS. SUKKUI.OCK. |lnserih»'il to Daviii K. IVvkrv, Ks(|.. Ofiniii | CoNTKNiMKNi" is great i^aiii, Jmt vrrv IVw i^aiii <'oii- teiittneiit : — They growl at this, tlioy ^irowl ut lliat, Tlicir j.rrowliu'.s ncvt-r duiif, Tlit'V ne'er will learn to sing \vl' me, Aye iveep the heart aliiine. TIjomas Slieerloek aiiin, and sat down by her side. " Nannie," quo^ he, " I ha'e a weighty lade on ma mind, and I wad like to get it coupit. I met Tibbie Stot awa' doon in the dingle, and we had an unco lang haver wi' ane anither." " Uless ma lieart," quo* Nannie, "what was ye haverin' about? I trow twa haverals have met this blessed day." " I will soon tell ye," quo' Thomas, " if ye wad only hand for a minute or twa that lang tongue o' yours. Tibbie Stot and a' her family, stick and stow, are bound to gang to America sae soon as the snaw is aff the ground, and the March winds blawn past ; and hearkin, Nannie, she wants you and me to gang alang wi' them." " Gang alaiig wi' them! ne'er ae fit will I gang. D'ye think I wad leave ma native land to be tossed and tumbled, and in a' likelihood, drooned like a beast in the raging seas, and swallowed alive hy whales and other sic like vermin. But hark ye, guidman, I will gang wi' you to America upon ae condi- 8KKTCIIEH AND 4NKi?l>OTK8. 211 tioii." "Aiul what is that coinlitionV" eiiquirt'il 'riioiiiai*. " V'o wiir Huh no atwi'fii you anut atwooti the cap- tain o' th<' ship. Sar si't yvrv hooso in order. anie Sfot and ht-rgraith, lor 1 we»l I wnt I tlinna like sic «'onipaiiy : tor, to tell ye the e\en (loon truth. Tibbie Slot has nae inuir sense than a hatehin' lu-n." About two weeks after this conversation this worthy couple confrontetl the captain of a ship bound for Atneri<*a, and before their passaj^e money was paid, the following; conversation between the captain and Nannie took place : Nannie — "Guid rnornin'; are ye the captain o' the shij* that sails to America':'" Captain—" Yes." Nannie — '* Will ve tak' ma Tamnias and me if ve get us V " Captain—'* Yes." Nannie — " Upon what conditions I wad like to ken." Captain — "Upon the conditions that both of you pay your passajLje money." Nannie — " Weel, we ajLjree wi' tliat ; but hark ye, ca[)tain, the ne'er a Hi will I set on yere ship unless ye aijree wi' ma conditions, and stick to them as if vere very life was dependin' on their fullfilment." Captain — "And what are they?" Nannie — "After comin' a' this len,<^th to Greenock, I hope, captain, ye will a<^ree, and if ye no ai;ree. Tamnias and me will just tak' our taps in our laps and i^auL' hame the road we cam': but ve look like a man wha kens a H frae a bull's tit, and if ye pass yere word I ha'e nae doot but that ye will act up to ma conditions, and my condi- tions are just they ; and, as I said afore, ye can either 31 212 sketchp:s and anpxjdotes. CI. HI Nil agroo to them, or no agree to them ; but I wad like if ye wad agree, after us sellin' our coo and our soo, and our duoks and our liens, our chairs and our tal)le8, our patH and our pans, and tlu' very cradle that our bairns were rocked in " Captain — "I am in a hurry." Nannie— ' llurrv or no hurry, there is luck in leisure ma bonnie man ; and noo I ha'e just this to say, that we will gang wi' you if ye agree to tie the ship to a tree duly every nicht." Captain — " I51ess my soul ! " Nannie — " Aye, ye may bless yere soul, and yere hody into the bargain ; but I want nane o' yere willy- wal lying ; ye maun just be either aff or on — either say ' yes ' or ' no,' afore ye get a plack o' passage money f rae either Tammas or me. Ma faith, a fine story, for rae and our Tammas to be rampagin' through the goustie seas at the black hours o' midnight, without either coal or can'le licht, and the sun doon and the stars hidden wi' murky cluds, and in a moment the winds raicht come up and blaw us to the deil kens where." At the conclusion of this the captain gave a wink to the clerk of the ship, and said, "Take the passage money from this worthy couple, and give them a receipt in these words — ' Received from Mrs. and Mr. Sheerlock, ten pounds sterling, payment in full of passage money to Quebec, on condition that the ship be tied to a tree every night.' " Nannie — " Thank ye, captain, man, ye ha'e mair sense than I ga'e ye credit for. Tammas, pay doon the siller, and get the receipt, and whan I sew it into ma stays we will e'en gang and get our kists aboard, and may the deevil tak' the hindmaist." SKETCHES AND ANECDOTIi-,S. •2\S ilOT WEATHEH. The (lay was hot. the night was liot, Mair hot thuii 1 could bare. (). The glass that hung at my door tlieck Stood ninety aboon zero. I scanie could draw a breath ava, I het and better faund it ; VVae's mc, thought I, e'en Beelzebub Will ha'e a job to stand it. So f rae our furnace o' a hoose I sought a change o' air, It wasna' lang till I sat doon Upon a barber's cliair. A patent chair the barber had, And round he made me spin, And soon I found I had nae hair On lieatl, on cheek or chin. When I was slowly swelterin' hame, My faith, but I felt blythe. When 1 was grippit by the hand By iMr. John Forsyth. Quoth he, " A sight o' you is good," Sae after some mair clatter Wi' ae accord we baitli agreed To drink some soda water. When in the parlor John remarked The unco heat surj)ri.sed him, And that ae day a strong sun ray Had very near capsized him. We had ice cream, vanilla, too. The truth must, shall be spoken, That aye the mair we drank and drank Our drouth we couldna' slocken, Guid guide us a', upon this night We had an extra session. Discussing banes and antidotes And social progression. 1 it^ ti» 11 I.! 214 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. C.«. Ml C € •• ij: John scamper'd over points o' faith. O' Christian theology, Then over head and ears he phingd Into the Greek mythology. He said, " The apple Paris gave To Venus was a bonus. " He praised her doves, but eursed the boar That killed her dear Adonis. " Now look, 'way in the darksome days Mankind were vile and vain, And womankind were treated with Contempt and cold disdain. " That Adam even badgered Eve With words o' defamation, Which proved that of her virtues he Had no appreciation. "Had she but lived in my own day It would have been an honor If she had sent a bare request For me to wait upon her. " I'd gone and would have ta'en her part, And put the law in action. And my friend ChambiTs, in his court. Would given her satisfaction. " But manners now are greatly chanij'd. The lamp of reason's lighted, Angelic woman's now beloved, And heartless wrongs are righted. •* Go home." he cried, " take my advice. Go home and seize the pen, And urge that peace may be maintained 'Mong women and 'mong men." The soda water and ice cream Had somewhat cooled our brain. We parted tenderly as if We'd never meet again. 11^ SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 215 When I got homo my wife rol)oir(l. And sad and sair did t Sin' auld langsyne. For auld langsyne, etc. We twa hae paidle't in the burn. When simmer days were prime, But seas between us baith hae roar'd Sin' auld lang.syne. For auld langsyne, etc. ^ An' there's a haiid my trusty feire, An' gi'es a hand o' thine. Syne toom the cup to friendship's growth An' auld lang.syne. For auld lang.syne, etc. An' surely ye'll be your pint stoup As sure as I'll be mine, An' we'll tak' a right gude willie-wauglit , For auld langsyne. For auld lang.syne, etc. f 1 "'I at -' i 228 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. Ml c:: C r ■■II " .John Anderson, my Joe, John," is also an old song. According to many authorities John Anderson was the town piper of Kelso, Scotland. One authority for this may be cited that of Robert Chambers in " The Picture of Scotland." He there says, " A former town piper of Kelso is said to have been the original John Anderson of the song and air of that name." There is a tradition that John Anderson was a baker by trade, and a piper and wag by profession. This is in a measure confirmed by the local rhyme, which has never appeared in print, having escaped the notice of both Robert Chambers and Dr. Henderson in their collections of Scottish rhymes : Anderson, panderson, bakit a pie, And sent it up to John McKie. As John McKie broke his fast Anderson panderson blew a blast; John McKie then gave a groan, Then cried " My day of grace is gone. Oh ! bury me 'neath the willow tree. Or drown me in the saut, saut sea." Bishop Percy in his " Reliques of Ancient English Poetry " remarks : It is a recorded tradition in Scotland that at the time of the reformation ridiculous and ob- scene songs were composed to be sung by the rabble to the tunes of the most favorite hymns in the Latin ser- vice." Among the number he mentions " Maggie Lau- der " and " John Anderson, My Joe." The first verse of the last named thus runs. I retain the original spell- ing: "John Anderson, my Jo, Johu, cum in as ze gae by And zc shall get a sheip's held weel baken in a pye; Weel baken in a pye, and a haggis in a pat, John Anderson, my Jo, John, cum in and ze's get that." SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 229 igUsh In Brash and Reid's collection, entitled " Poetry, Original and Selected," and printed in penny numbers between the years 1795 and 1798, a long version of the song appeared. It was there stated to have been " im- proved " by Robert Burns. It is not, however, to be found in the " Kilmarnock," the " Falkirk," or the first and second Edinburgh editions of the poet's works. Burns, as the song is now sung, sent it to " Johnson's Museum," and in a letter to George Thompson, dated April 7, 1798, he claims it as his own composition. Dr. Currie in his edition accepted this version, but left out the long verses of Brash and Reid's, the first verse of which maj'^ be quoteio ': Gang sooner to your bed at e'en. John Anderson, my Jo." Regarding the tune of "John Aiulerson," Mr. Sten- house, a most excellent authority, informs us, "though long handed down by oral tradition, it was committed to paper as early as 1579, in Queen Elizabeth's Virginal Book, which is still preserved." Burns, as is well known, was in the habit of collect- ing the floating songs of the country, on some of which he founded original songs, and others he furbished up and made them more presentable to the public taste. The songs and airs of Scotland are so prolific that all the world to her are more or less indebted. Even the Irish song " Wearing of the Green,'* the tune of which is taken body and sleeves from the well-known bachanalian song, "Sae Will We Yet." They are wel- come; for sir, "does not song to the world belong?" til| m4 % J' 330 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 1 i c c r Itl 'i- iliii ■ i» ^ I ;! ; I A DRAP O* YON. At Coberspeth a fishwife liv'd Away ayont Dunbar, And maybe there's been better wives, And maybe there's been waur. Guidfaith, she'd neither work or want. She just wad sit and groan, 8he ne'er was weel, but weel she liked To drink a drap o' yon . Just a drap o' yon, John, Just a drap o' yon, O, dear me, I'm like to dee, Oh, bring a drap o' yon, She ne'er was kent to wash her face, And if accounts are true, She ceased to goam the muckle creel And cry out "cjiller, oo." ' Midst granes and graunts she'd tak' the M runts, And roar " I'm dead and gone; " Touts ! naething would relieve the jade But just a drap o' yon. Just a drap o' yon, John, etc. Ae day the bottle had run dry. She cried, "Oh I mercy me; John, haste and ride unto Dunbar And fill ittothee'e." The horse was standin' at the door. And as he leap'd thereon. She roared: " Oh, ride 'tween death and life And bring a drap o' yon." Just a drap o' yon, John, etc. Fast, fast and furious he did ride. But slowly he cam' hame. For aft he preed the wee drap drink That he coft for his dame, And when he landed at the door She cried, " Oh ! hurry, John," Quo' he, " Oh, me, the deil take me, Alas! I've drunken yon." Just a drap o' yon, John, etc. SKETCHES AND ANECDOTEja. 231 She's got a stick baith tliick and lang, Like fire she at him flew: She's thrashed him up, she's thrashed him doon. She's thrashed him bhick and blue ! She ordered him to mount again, Which he did wi' a groan, Ance mair he rides wi* banes a' sair To get a drap o' yon. Just a drap o' yon, John. etc. Ance mair he's back at his door step, He stagger'd ben the hoose. And there he saw his guidwife sit As silent as a moose ! Wi' dread he spoke, he might as weel Ha'e spoken to a stone, Her lowe o' life had flickered oot— She died for lack o' yon ! Just a drap o' yon, John, etc. THE DUOUTHY YEAR. The year 1826, in Scotland, was a remarkably dry year. Great heat prevailed and the very earth gaped and cracked for lack of moisture. It is remem'bered 8tiU by the olden people as the " drouthy year." The Rev. Mr. Thompson was then minister of Melrose. He was a man who read the book of nature by the light of the lamp of reason, and did his best to trace the work- ings of nature up to natural causes. One day a num- ber of his parishioners waited upon him and with solemn faces desired him to pray for rain. '' No," he replied, "I can not do that, for what would weet Gattonside- braes would drown the folk in Hell-" here the gentle- man's memory failed him, but when it again serve'd him, he added with a grin, " Hellinshaws." " Brethren," he' continued, "to make matters more plain, the rain may do for the high hills of Gattonside, but it winna do ava for the low lying lands o' Hellinshaws." I i ill 232 .SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. : I il Ci»i c ( I ! n i' THE STORY OP PRINCE CHARLES STUART. [Inscribed to Rev. J. F. Dickie, Detroit.] I may remark, prefatory, that John Erskine, Earl of Mar, raised the standard on the Braes o' Mar in the year 1715, with the design of re-establishing the Stuart line of kings. Many of his followers were taken prisoners, but he with others escaped to France. He was un- true to the Stuart cause, and died at Aix-la-Chapelle in I 7-'^J. Tames Stuart, but better known bv the name of the T*"* ider, was heir to the unhappy fortunes of the House oi Stuart. As is well known, he was an exile and resided in France. An original letter written by Robertsou of Str'\v;in, also an exile, was presented to ino by my friend William Stewart, Esq., Sarnia, Ontario, and as it throws some light upon a remarkable page of history, I copy it verbatim : Lyons, 10th 19th, 1716, S. X. iVlY Lord : In obedience to Your Grace I am come to this J..entlu V)ut the severity of the season obliges me to Breath a litle in this place. I thought Apin wou'd have been ready as soon as Major Frazer and me, but he complained of an illness the day before we parted from Paris, so we missed of that Happiness. Hugh Wallas of Inglesson joynd us at Shallon four days agoe and tells me he and Apin came together the lenth of Soignies but Apin find- ing himself uneasy in this journey thought it better to return to Gante than come on to Avignon till he gets a more pressing order from Your Grace than that of com- ing as soon as he can. This distemper of his occasions various speculations, especially since some of the king's friends suspected there was sum tampering with my Ld's Stairs which Apin thought fitt to keep up from his Brethren sufferers; Mr. Wallas will inform Your Grace more of this matter when he arrives at Avignon; You4' Grace knows what use to make of this to the best advantage of the King's Interest. I shall have the N. SKETCHES AND ANECDOTKS. 23.'i honor to sahite Your ^race a,sian— ^'They are silent ; silent forever ! Ould, cold, are tiieir breasts^of clay;" " Shades of the mighty and the brave Who faithful to your Stuart fell ; No trophies mark your ccnuinou grave, No dirges to your meuiury swell, But generous hearts will weep your fate When far has rolled the tide of time ; And bards ui^born will renovate Your fading fame in loftiest rhyme." I iifj It |i l\ .i i (ri. c r ■M ■i* •■«j ll.a,:j ';f Ci.|. IN 286 SRBTCUES AJ*D ANECDOTES. The works descriptive of tliis rebellion are mainlj one-sided. It would be even* manly for an enemy to shed a tear over the braves who fell fighting against a forlorn hope on dreary CiiUoden moor. Tliere are except ions, liowever, to this feeling. I have before me a work by James Ray, volunteer under his royal liigh- ness the Du! my roiiipanions the sont( — " A wet' binl iiirn' lo onr lui' door. Hi.' warbled Hweet :ind clearly ; And aye the o'c'rcoine o' his sun^ Was ' Wile's me for Prince Charlie.' " The victorious army then returned to Edinburgli, and, according to Ray, "The Pretender demanded of the city of Kdinburgh h\\ thousand pairs of shoes, two thousand targets and one thousand tentH, to be made with all expedition.'" The Highlanders pillaged tlie whole neighborhood. Regarding this the following anecdote is amusing : In the neighborhood of Edinburgh lived a very mor- tified gentleman who lav every niyht in his coffin and winding sheet. He was visited by a party of High- landers, and seeing the coftin they concluded a corjtse was inclosed in it, and ti at it might have a good winding sheet. They raised the lid, whereupon the mortified gentleman rose up, and they were struck with such panic at his ghostly appearance that they fled with all their might, thinking that the devil had taken pos- session of the corpse. The (Ad gentleman observing the situation leaped out of his coflin and followed them in his grave clothes, and as he saw tliein tly in terror, he grinned a ghastl}' grin, and then returned and lay down in his winding sheet. llie night after the battle of Prestonpans, Prince Charles Stuart took up his (juartors at I'inkie house, an old manor house beautifully situated near Musselburgh on the Firth of Forth. In the reign of James VI. it was a country mansion belonging to the Abbot of Dunfermline, of the Seaton family. On the front of the building in ,ll"ll) ,, -* ^^iil 240 (iKKTrURS AND ANE<;DOTEf=l, [<•' J-* IfflU c •I 11^ Pi - ^-H'! the followinor inscription: "Doniniis Ak'x.ander Set- onins hann domum ('(lilicMvil, non nd Ji'iinii, Rod ad for- tunarnm ct an-jjelli inoduiu," wliicli may be thus trans- lated: Tjord Alexander 8et(tn built tl>is l!ou<<\ not after the fashion of his niiud, b.it ailci- t.liat of liis fortunes and eslale. From " i*iiiki(^ i)i»us(', !i'.',i:- iviinltuvgli, Sej)t. 2l8t, 174.")," the. i^riiKre thus vvritt'N !<> ''llis Majt'.sty the Kinj,', our Royal Fatlier:" "It hiis plc;iso(! (hi.\ to iiro-,})''!- Yr Ma - ^ Anns iiiuhT ray com- mand. Oil tlic 17tii I Cliff I'o.l ;Mlinl)urg Sword in iiaud, and got possession of yo T')wn. '.vitiMiit our hoin.i; obli^'ed to shwl ono Drop of Blond, or roiipiiit the li-ast Violence: And thi.s !\rorning, I have gain'd a inosl Siirnal Victory willi little or no Io.ks," Farther on tl»e Princjc remarks: — "If I had obtauied tin's Victory over Foreigners, my Joy we'd have been compl('t^>; Bui as it's over EnglMimen, it has thrown a Damp upon it that I little imagin(;d. The Men I have defeated, were yr Ma — « Enemys, it is true; But they might have become yr Friends and Dutifull S~cts wlicn fhey had got their Eyea open'd to see ye true Int-crcst of their Country, which I come to .save, not to destroy. Fi)r this reason 1 leave discharg'd all pub- lick RejoicingH." The room where the Prinec slept in still pointed out, regarding which Ilobert Chambers reinarks: "In the eyes of some it will bo reu'lered more or less interesting bv that recollection." The condition of the brave Col. Gardiner was some- what different. Ho was preparing to sleep the sleep that knows no waking. ITis deatli wounds are thus de.s- cribed b}' his biographer, Dr. Doddridge. " He rode up and cried out to his regiment, 'tire on, my lads, and fear nothing ! ' Hut just as the w^ords were out of his mouth a Highlander advanced toward him with a scythe IV •'' SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 241 fastened to a lon-T^ pole, and «^ave him such a deep wound on his right arm tliat his sword dropped out of his hand and he wa>< drnci^fi^ed from off his horse. Another riisjldaiidcr i>ave him a stroke with a Loohaber axe on the liinihr part of iiis iiead, which was tlie mortal blow. Ho was })lun(h'r('d of ins watch and stripped of his n))- per ij^arui'n'is and l)cnts, yc-t still brcalhintj^. lie was carried from Ihe licM ;ind in the forenoon took Ids tinal leave of pain ;ind sorr(»\v," On the following day the Prince returned to Holy- rood house, anroclaimed his father king, and him regent, with great formality; althougli fe\\ or none of the inhabi- tants of any credit attended the ceremony." The next day a proclamation was i.ssued which declared that all were rebels, especially the clergy, if, in so many days, tliey did not make submission to the house of Stuart. On this account all the (Uergv deserted the citv and divine service for the time being was suspended. An instance however is related that the Rev. Neal McVicar alone stood his ground and pra^'ed as usual for King George. The Prince sent a message to warn him of the consequence of such ])rayers; but, nothing daunted, the ensuing Sabbath he thus lauTiched out: " O, Lord, if it is in keeping with Thy will, bU'ss the king. Thou knowest what king I mean. May the crown sit easy «»n his head. But for this man that has come amongst us to seek an earthly crown, we beseech Thee in mercy to take him to Thystdf and give him a crown of glory." The whole cotmtrv was in a ferment. The custom- house at Leith was seized, the city of Glasgow was 8iiraraoned the second time to contribute €15,000 sI^m-- Jl i 1 51'V' ^ST^ ii.:. 242 8KBTCHE8 AND ANECDOTES. t • i i i •< ■ ling and a demand was made that all landlords of houses in Edinburgh be compelled to pay "half a crown in the pound." Those who had flung up their hats for the Prince, now when he touched their pockets, changed their minds and began to hope with the minister above mentioned that the Lord would " give him a crown of glory." The following illustrates this state of feeling: One Mr. William Barclay was requested to pay this tax, which he refused. The reason for non-payment was demanded when he replied " that he had ten guid rea- sons — he had nine bairns and one wife to support." An anecdote is also told of one called Mr. Thomas Erskine " an eminent brewer and preacher among the people called the Quakers." Some of the Prince's adherents one night broke into his house and robbed him of all his "money and linen." The Quaker applied to the Prince for redress and assured him " that the method he pur- sued would never prosper, for our King George take.** only a part of our money, but thou, even verily thou, takes all, and thee may'st as well take away my life as take away the prop that supports it." The answer given by the Prince was "that he, Mr. ?2rskine, was many years in debt to the revenue of his father's excise, and that the money taken was properly due to hi." government." Disturbances between the Highlanders and the Low- landers were a daily and nightly occurrence, and even members of the respective clans, at the slightest provo- cation, would furiously fight with one another. On one occasion a Campbell atiinned that his race was much older than the Gordons and could prove it by the Bible, and referred to Solomon, in all his glory, who he said " had a thousand Caramils " — that beirig the pronunci- SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 24» atiofi of Campbell in Scotch — whereupon dirks were drawn, blood was spilled and Solomon's glory estab- lished. Although the magistrates did their best, the majesty of the law was with difficulty enforced or vindicated, as the following anecdotes will show: A magistrate was one day attempting to deal out justice when his sister, for some cause, was brought be- fore him, whereupon he put to her the following ques- tions: " Woman, what is thy name ? what is thy age ? and where is your usual place of residence ? " The lady thinking he had gone mad, held up her hands and ex- claimed : ' " Dear me, Andrew, do ye no ken yere aiu sister ? " To which he answered : " Woman ! when I sit in this court lo administer justice; I know no one — neither father nor mother; sister nor brother." To this she immediately replied: "I think, Andrew, ye may safely add that ye dinna ken yere ain sel'." This an- swer created a great laugh, and as the raai»istrate was about to pass sentence some of her Jacobite friends seized hold of her and carried her shoulder-high out of the court-house, locked the magistrate in, ind Hung the key of the court-room into the North loch. To turther iUnstrate the looseness of the times, one of the Prince's followers was fined two shillings and sixpence for get- ting drunk. Next day he was again brought up, when he put the following question to the magistrate: " I wad like to ken if it is Scotch law to sentence a man twice for ae offence; for ye maun ken its just the same dukl drunk.'''' To which the magistrate replied: *' V^Mnay go; I will only bring trouble on myself for attempting to enforce the law; but you may be thankful that ye do not live in the days of my fathers, for they would have I' 344 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. -, « , I ■ I !»■ I haiii^ed you first and tried you afterwards." Brawls and broadsword encounters wore the order of the niglit, and in the siiburbs of the city duels were so frequent during tlu' (lay that they created little or no attention. The only individual upon record who refused to fight was Mr. Skirving, an East Lothian fanner and the author of the song, " Hey, Johnnie Cope." He wrote another song on llie battle of Prestonpans, from which the following is t;iken: "And Major Bowie, that worthy soul. Was brought down to tliu ground, luau; His horse being shot it was his lot For to get numy a wound, man. Lieutenant Smith, of Irish bivtli, Fraewhom he called for aid, man, Being full of dread, lap o'er his head. And wadna be gainsay'd, man. He made sic haste, sae spurred his baiet 'Twas little there he saw, man, To Berwick rade; and falsely said, The Scots were rebels a', man," As it will be observed that Smith was in Cope's army, and for this poetic attack he sent a challenge to Skirving, on receiving which he said to the messenger: *' Gang awa back and tell Mr. Smith that I hae nae leisure to come to Haddington; but tell him to come liere, and I'll tak' a look o' him, and if I think I'm fit to fecht him, I'll fecht him, and if no, I'll do as he did — /'// rin aucay During these occurrences the Prince's headquarters was at Dalkeith palace, near Edinburgh, where he was laying his plans and projects to invade England. There resided in Perth an innkeeper of the name of Hixton, and he solemnly swore " by the light of the moon and the green leaf on the tree," that he would f SKETCHES AKD ANECDOTES. 24fi nme of of the would put an end to his existence if Prince Charles Stuart failed to regain the crown of his fathers. He was a man gifted with plausable manners and keen penetration, lie obtained an audience with the Prince, and soon became one of the leading spirits of the Jacobite rebellion. For the purpose of rousing the northern counties of England, and inducing thera to espouse the Stewart cause, the Prince requested Hixton to attire himself as a gaberlun- zie or mendicant, and make his way to Newcastle-upon- Tyne. Glad of an opportunity to advance the cause, Hixton immediately set out on his journey. On the 6th of October he reached that place, where, from some sus- picions, the authorities arrested him for a spy. He was examined and searched, and in the linger of one of hib gloves was found the following document, which I give entire, as it throws considerable light upon the state of the country and the designs of the Prince. On its discovery Hixton imagined that the Jacobite cause was forever lost. He took a knife out of his pocket and deliberately cut his throat from ear to ear: " You are hereby authorized and directed to repair to England, and there to certify to mj'^ friends, and particularly those in the northwest of the wonderful success with which it has pleased God to favor my endeavors for their deliverance; you are hereby to let thera know that 'lis my full intention, in a few days, to move forward to them,, and they will be inexcusable before God and man if they do not do all in their power to assist and sup- port me in such an undertaking. What I depend upon jind <'x- pect is, that as many of them as can should take care to provide provisions and money, that the country may suffer as little as possible by the march of my troops. Let thetn know there is no more time for deliberation. Now or never, is the word. I am resolved to conquer or perish in the attempt. If the last should happen let them consider what they and their posterity have to expect." Signed. CifAKLES, P. U. It" ■■■ 246 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. ''^^' c /"I it«i :| The victory that the Prii)ce achieved at Preston- pans added greatly to the entliusiasra of his followers, and a number of clans that halay the bagpipes. "Man," said an Englishman to him, *' ye are a grand player; do ye play by the ear ? " "By the year I " he replied in astotiishment; " na, na, I only play by the night." Ireland, at this period, was in a great state of dis- content — many of her sons strongly favored the cause of the Pretender. When any trouble arises in any part of the world, America, England or Scotland, for oxain- j)le, people outside of these leave them alone to settle their own affairs; but when trouble arises in Ireland, »; I* 24b SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. ' .ill'. J ■ :? 1. she is deluged with advice from all quarters of the hab- itable globe. Even her own sons are eternally advising her. On account of these advices, past and present, one is inclined to wonder that the condition of Ireland is not much worse than it really is. In 1745 the cry was, " Ireland and Scotland against England." Some people advised Ireland one way and some another. Dean Swift in his celebrated " Draper's Letters " thus adnion- isbed the people: " I have many reasons to believe tl^at there are not a few among you, who secretly rejoice at the rebellion that is now raised in Scotland; and perhaps conceive hopes of some alteration for the better in their circumstances and condition, if it ghould succeed. It is possible that among the lords and esquires, one perhaps among a hundred would get something by a chance. On the other hand, if the poor laborer when all is over is to be a laborer still, I can not find why he should fancy it worth his while to venture a leg or an arm, and the gallows, too, into the bargain, to be just where he set out. If he must dig and delve, when the Pretender is settled on the throne, he had as good stick to it now for any difference I can see. If a farmer must pay his rent I see no reason that he should be much concerned whether he pays it to one man or to another. * * * Tliere is not a more foolish trade than fighting for nothing, and I hope my good country- men will be too wise to be persuaded into it. Fine speeches and fair promises will not be wanting to delude them, but let them remember the warning I no'y give, that when all is over, the very best that can befall them is to have their labor for their pains. * * * It well deserves your thought whether it is worth your while to beggar yourselves and families that the man's name BKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 249 Upon the throne be James instead of George ; you will probably see neither of them while you live, nor be one penny the richer for one or for the other." It is somewhat strange that the people in England were indifferent whether Prince Charles would be successful or otherwise. It has even been affirmed by some that if he and his army had gone into London at the one side, King George was ready to go out at the other. On the 9th of November the respective columns of the Highland Army were united some little distance from Carlisle. Two thousand of them crossed the Esk at Longtown, and in their passage nothing was seen but their heads. On reaching land tlie pipers blew their pi[)es and they danced reels till they were all dry again. Tie Prince entered Carlisle preceded b}' a hundred pipers, their pipes going at full blast. This circumstance is celebrated in the following lyric which no one, if he values his life, dare sing within from ten to twenty miles from Carlisle : Wi' a Imiulred pipers an' a', an' a', Wi* a hun(h'ed pipers an' a', an' a', We'll up and gie them a l)la\v, a blaw, Wi' a hundred pipers an' a', an' a', Oh, it's ower the border, a \va', a wa'. It's ower the border, a wa,' a wa', We'll on an' we'll inarch to Carlisle ha', Wi' its yctts, its castles, an' a', an' a', Wi' a hundred pipers an' a', an' a', Wi' a hundred pipers an' a', an' a'. We'll up an' gie them a blaw, a blaw, Wi' a hundred pipers an' a', an' a'. Oh I our sodger lads look'd braw, look'd braw, AVi" their tartans, kilt an' a', an' a', AVi' their bonnets an' feathers, an' glitlerin' gear, An' pibrochs sounding; loud and clear, 17 &■ 3-50 SKETCHES AXI) AXK<,DOTE«. ii; i Will they u" n-lurn to tlioir ain dour glen ? Will tliey a' return, our Ilir^hiand men ? Sceond-sightcd Sandy looked fii' wae, And mithers grat when tliey niarclied away. Wi' a hundred pipers, ete. Oh I wha is foremost o' a', o' a'? Oh I wha is foremost o' a', o' a'? Bonnie Charlie, the king o' us a', hurrah ! Wi' his hundred pipers an' a', an' a'. His bonnet an' feather he's vvavin' high, His prancing steed maist seems to lly ; The nor' wind plays wi' his curly hair, While the pipers blaw wi' an unco Hare ! Wi' a hundred pipers, etc. The Esk was swollen .'^ue rod an' sae det;p ; But shouther to .shouthcr the l)rave huN keep ; Twa thousand swam ower to fell English ground, An' danced themselves dry to the pibroch's sound. Dumfounder'd, the English they .saw, they saw, Dumfounder'd, they heard the blaw, the blaw ; Dumfounder'd, they a' ran awa', awa', Frae the hundred pipers an' a', an' a'. Wi' a hundred pipers, etc. When the Pretender and his army occupied Carlisle, Marshal Wade with his opposing force of raw militia lay inactive at Newcastle. At length, on the 17th day of November, he mustered uj) courage to order his army to advance to the relief of Carlisle. He reached Hexham about 4 o'clock in the afternoon, but his rear guard did iiot arrive till about midnight. Here the gallant soldier found out that Carlisle ha„ 254 8KBTCHS6 AND ANECDOTES. C f 'i-M " When I lir>.t cam' to merry Carlisle, Ne'er was a town so sweetly seeming, The white rose flaunted o'er the wall. The thistle banners far were streamin' ! When I cam' next to merry Carlisle, O, sad, sad, seemed the town and eerie. The aiild, auld men cam' out and wept — '■ O, maiden come ye to seek yere dearie ? ", There's a drap o' bluid upon my breast, And twa on my links o' hair sae yellow; The ane I'll ne'(!r wash and the tither ne'er karae. But I'll sit and pray ancatli the willow. Wae, wae upon the cruel heart, Wae, wae upon that hand sae bludie, Which feasts in our richest Scottish bluid, And makes sae mony a doleful widow." Carlisle was retaken by the king's forces. A skir- mish or two took place between the two armies, and, on the 20th of December, the Highlanders recrossed the Esk, and on the 25th they again took possession of Glasgow. On the 3d of Januarj-^, 1V46, they marched out of Glasgow and took possession of Stirling, and de- manded Gen. Blakeney to surrender the castle, but his answer was, " that he would defend the place to the last extremity; for as he had lived, so he was determined to die — a man of honor." Stirling, it will be remembered^ is in the immediate vicinity of Bannockburn, where King Robert Bruce so signally defeated the English army, which recalls the following anecdote: An old Scotch lady was pointing out to a party of English tourists the battle-field and the method of that great battle. At the conclusion of this they tendered her some money. Her answer was as good as ever fell from the lips of a Grecian matron. She said, " Put up yere siller, ye ha'e paid dear enough for it already." SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 255 For several roken ground, they were so fleet of foot that they even out-ran the horses. The cav- alry was then thrown into confusion, and they in their turn threw the infantry into confusion worse confounded. A severe storm of thunder, lightning, wind and rain at this time took place, and Ilawley and his army Hew in the greatest terror and disorder along the great road which leads to E.linburgh. The Highlanders did not know that they had gained so great a victory, for, as they advanced, expecting to find the enemy, they i\ If 1 256 SKETCHES AXD AXECDOTPJS. ( exclaimed in Gaelic; " Where's the men ? Where the devil have they gone ?" "But tried they up or tried they down, There was no foe in Falkirk town, Nor yet in a' the country roun' To break a sword at a', man. They were sae bauld at bre.ik o' day, When tow'rd the west tliey tocjk their way, But tlie Higlilandmen came down the brae, And made the dogs to blaw, man." When the news of the defeat of the king's forces reached London, according to Ray, " it made it necessary to provide for the immediate extinction of so dangerous a flame." The Duke of Cumberland was empowered "to extinguish all animosities and to restore the spirit of the soldiers." It was decided that tlie Duke should immediately proceed to Scotland. A number of His- sian troops, under IJritish pay, were lying in the neigh- borhood of Antwerp, and they were forthwith ordered to embark for Scotland On the 30th the Duke of Cumberland arrived in Edinburgh, and to again quote Ray, "He was received with all the testimonies of loyalty and affection that could possibly be ex- pressed." The i)oets who favored the Hanoverian line now began to sing: ClaymorcK long adieu, now j'our edge is unsteel'd; Ye Canierons, no more you such weapons must wield; The Duke says the word, and the clans are undone; When your mountains down tumble every soul of you's gone. Then farewell McPhersons, M'Flegs, and .McPhuus, McDonalds, Mcr)rummonds, McDevils, McDuns, McDolands, MtWades, and your sons of a gun, McGeorges, ]\IcCharlies, McRumps and McHuns, The Duke of Cumberland reviewed his troops at Linlithgow, and on the '2d February he entered Stirling. SKETCHES AND AXECDOTES. 257 here the 's forces leeessaiy mgeroiis powered le spiiit } should of Ht-s- B neigli- ordered 3 Duke o again timonies be ex- ian line ield; e; of you's IS, )0|).s at Itirling. Regarding this, Ray remarks: "On tliat memorable occasion he received the compliments of General Blak- eney and the officers of his garrison." The victory they achieved at Falkirk added no suc- cess to the Jacobite cause. A retreat was ordered. They crossed the bridge of Tay, and the Prince estab- lished his headquarters at Perth, on the borders of the Highland hills. On the 3d that city was evacuated, and on the 4th the advanced guard of the king's armv took possession. The Prince's cause now became desperate, and his only safety was to retreat to the mountains and endeavor in almost inaccessible ground to turn the tide of the approaching ruin and disaster. On the 16th the Duke of Cumberland marched from Nairn and found the Jacobites prepared for battle upon Culloden's dreary moor. Lord Bury advanced within a hundred yards where the outposts of the Pretender's army were sta- tioned. Bligh and Semple's men opened fire; the High- landers returned the fire, then threw away their mus- kets, and with fearless bravery attacked* the enemv, sword in hand. The battle raged keen and bloody,' but the odds were so great that the Pretender was forcJd to fly, followed by the Clans in the utmost disorder. Five hundred were killed in the pursuit and a great number of oflicers and men were taken prisoners, wl;ile the killed and wounded of the king's troops barely reached 300. Those of the Highlanders who had es- caped fled in all directions,andhid themselves in dens and in caves, where the Duke of Cumberland and his hii-erl Hessians followed, and without a pang of compunction slaughtered many of them in cold blood, and to this day the very name of Cumberland stinks in the nostrils of all true Scotchmen. The poor Prince, now shorn of all r * ''-^i 1 V : :v 1 I 1 if CV0* o 258 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. luH hopes, wandered from hiding place to hiding place ill disguise. A high price was set upon liis head, but, to the credit of the Highlanders be it spoken, not one out of the many who knew his \vliereabouts was found base enough to betray him. Regarding this, a noble instancf of fidelity to the Prince is related. A gentle- man of the name of McKenzie much resembled the l*rinc(', and in a lonely cabin he was keeping watch while the Prince was asleep. They were surrounded by the king's troops. He awoke the Prince and informed him oi this circumstance, and he said: "Then we must die like brave men, with swords in our hands." "No, m}' Prince," replied McKenzie, " I will take your name and face one of these detachments. I know what ray fate will be; but whilst I keep it employed your royal highness M'ill have time to escape." McKenzie darted forward with fury, sword in hand, against a detachment of 50 men; he fell covered with wounds, and he ex- claimed: "You know not what you have done. I am your Prince whom vou have killed." They cut off his luad and carried it to the Duke of Cumberland, and the bloody Duke, believing that he had obtained the head of the Prince, set off next d^y for London with McKenzie's head packed up in his post-chaise. In a lonely cave on this cold, barren shore the Prince was for man\ lays secreted; and to this day when the Highland boatmen pass the place they take their bon- nets off their heads and chant the Avell-known Jacobite song: " Wae's me for Prince Charlie." A purer and more unselfish love was never found than the love of Flora McDonald for the unfortunate Pretender. In the annals descriptive of woman's love, faith and fortitude, her name will never die. Her life was bright and pure ing place ead, but, not one as found , a noble V gentle- bled the ig watch Linded by informed we must " "No, )ur name vhat my ur rovai e darted acbment 1 he ex- !. I am . off his and the head of Kenzie's ore the ly when leir bon- (^acobite rer and love of In the rtitude, i AXECDOTEft. And from the superstitious fire Of words from her dehided sire ; From youth to age, in part or wI»ole, These words were graven on her soul ; E'en liiie the Ivy round the tomb That nurtures an eternal gloom. Tiiit was a man of sober mind, And to his wife was byous kind, Although her faults he sair lamented, Yet still he wasna' discontented ; He tiung aside his carking care And strove to bear and to forbear. Her faults he could noways uproot them, So he thought less and less al)oot them. His mind was nowi.se framed like Nancy's, He courted facts and scowled at fancies ; All kinds of cant he would deride, The light of reason was his guide. My muse, why tarry on the wing ? Come thou with zealous unction sing — How on a bonnie morn in May, Unto the hill Tait took his way. Now, let it here be understood All uaiure was in glorious mood ; Tuc dew on heather-bells were hingin', The lav'rocks in the lift were singin", But what 'bove a' was most surprising, The sun 'yont Lnnimer-law was rising, O'er these and thunder-blasts uproarious, The god of day was now victorious. For days by- past, I am assured, His golden face had been obscured ; Clouds at ilk ither had been lashing, In torrents rain had down been dashing ; Down the hill-.side streams had been sweeping, And brush and brake w^ere bent wi' weeping ; The birds had been in waefu' plight, In holes had chittered day and night, And sheep, uae doubt, in bielded places. Saw misery in ilk ither's faces. Tait looked the picture o' dejection, SnufiE brought him then nae .satisfaction, SKETCHES AND AXECDOTES. 263 Yea, further, e'en his very collio Seemed dozorl and drenched wi' melancholy, But now the midge and fly were festive, In consequence the sheep were restive ; They formed instinctive an a]Ii,iiic(t And set Tait's collie at defiance : For ano(i poor Tait his temper lost it, In wrath flic slieep he thus accosted : " Ye wretches, fain I'd shear your fleeces, And hew ye in ti.'ii thousand pie(;es ; Wi' Joy my baiuiet I'd he swingin' If by the heels I saw ye hingiu'. Ye black-faced brutes, ye needna stare, This day y(.''vc filled me with despair ; Losh, mercy me ! wi' might and main, They're off ; the brutes are off again ! Sic sheep, I truly do opine, Are fifty times far worse than swine ! This thought stands tapmost in my thoughts, I'd sooner herd a gang o' goats ; It's my belief sheep are symbolical Of all that's base and diabolical ; Some senseless folk ha'e written books 'Bout sheep and lambs and shepherd's crooks, If they had sic a flock as I They wadna' rouse them up sac liigh ; I'd wad my mull filled fu o' sneeshin'. They'd soon consign them to perdition." The glomin' came; how calm and still The shadows gather'd on the hill, Tait bade a short farewell to care, The midge no longer tilled the air, His flock lay snoosing on the l)rae, And hameward now he took his way. But grief and joy will come and go So long as mortals dwell below. The Fastney burn, he fried to jump it, He missed his tit and in lie phnnpit; Oh, wae betide the Fastney water. How Tait did splash and choke and swatter, He gained the bank, hut 'mang the rock-, He lost his friend, his auld snuff-box I TT \f M^\''[ (■ f/ I II ■ ^^•i fit 1,1- :j';r li, 204 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. His heels went up, his liead " Quo' she, '•[soon will tell vo that 'Ihey'ro o'er the fire in the kail-pat'' Ye'll find tliem just as dry's a hone, And unco pleasant to pull on." He raised the lid, put in his hand And statue-like lie took his stand • He stood spell-bouml. ama/ed. siirprise.l His tlirone o' reason was capsized His wits cam' back, and o'er his shouther Nancy 'he cried, "they're burnt to i^outhe-" S^.e yelled. ''01, dear! oh, mercy on us " \V hat s this o't now that's come upon us ' I 1 fa.nt ! I'll swarf, I'm mair than ghul ' I hat I will die upon my bed ; Frae off this bed I'll ne'\-er riw Oh, bring me Peden's Prophecies ' My last leaf frae life's tree is pluckit The tow may now gang wi' the bucket - Our road through life is dark and murky We re now as poor as Job's ae turkey ' Poor beast, 'bout it we weel may wail.' It had ae feather in its tail, And it was sui)ple as a docken Guid man I it was baith bent ami broken ' Here Nancy's eyes began to dance. She lay as in a dismal trance Then wildly cried, "Ma„g ,h,<,s o' gloom Lp there I see a weaver's Itjoni And David, I must let ye know it, I must flee up and hide below it ■ And, oh ! there can be nae deceivin' I see my faytlier weavin', weuvin', ' He looks like ane in deep disgrace' How grim and gruesome is his face • 18 ' 265 i. 266 SKKKIIKS AM) AMiCliOTKS. ?r I i ( l! J- ■n D ;i I Tlu! will) lie wotivcs, I pl.iiiily see, Is just iiM Itliick as l)l;(clv can \k\ It hiis iia(! tlnviul o' liriizlilncss in it. Oil ! David, (■oinc this vciv initiit, And sL'c that sinn ahiiiic iiis door - ' Tliis mail must weave lor evi-r more.' There Satan sits 'maiiu; eoom and siuolii'. Pcdntiiig Ills tlni^er at the eloeli, And glow'riiiL? at liis Ivitii and l\in, Wliile young and auld are swarming in ! Poor things, I'd gi'e a warhl's riehes Cmdjl I but free them frae ids clutches. The Hood o' life gangs rolling, rolling, Tile bell is ever tolling, tolling, The imps o' darkness, ghastly, rife, Sit winding up tlie pirns o' life. Ah, hk;, yon dungeons, dykes and fences. Are like to drive me out my senses. David, alas, my race is run. My hindtnaist thread o' life is spun I " Here Nancy opened up her eyes, She look'd the picture o' surprise ; She cried, " I see a Maid in white. She'8 tilled my heart \vi' strange delight ; Her face, her form is past compare. Truth nestles in her golden hair, She beckons me unto her side. She says, ' Let reason be your .guide, Forget tlio gliouls and myths of ages, And turn the leaf to natures pages.' Come I Come I " slie cries, " There, there I see "Mang bowers of love she waits for me. ' Then David said, "I see it plain, The myths are Hitting from your brain." He smiled, then on his knees he clankil. And loud be cried, " .Mav heaven be thaukil." THE BANKS O' DOON. Tu John Y. Reid, Esq., Toronto, Out.: Dear Sir — The .second version of the sonor " Ye Banks o' Doon " was written bv IJnrns for "Johnson's Ye SKETCH KS AM) ASK. 'DOTRS. Of^-j M-.,so,„n » ami in :; I.ttor to (^.or.o Thompson, of K,Jin- on,. :u.l how luMVi.n.l (Mark, ounpos..! an air to it Hio hrst version was first puhlish,.,! in "Crom.k's R^" ;,u..," tho MSS. .,• .,.i..h was fo„n' care ! " The second version, hut not the Hrst, also may ho ound . Dr. Currie's edition .f Bu..., puhlished in IH 00. None of the versions, however, appear in the K.lmarnoek, hrst Edinburgh edition, second KdinhurL^h edition ,n two volumes, pul,lished in 179;^, nor in the Fal- kirk edition printed by T. Johnston. Re^.arding this last work, which is very rare, I am unable to ..ive the da e of publication, as my opy unf.>rtunatelv lacks the title page. While lately on a visit to Tor'onto I se- eiired a volume in good preservation, c-ntitled, - Musical Ropositary ; a collection of favorite Scotch, English and Insh hongs, set to music-Glasgow. l>rinted by Alex Adam, for A. Carrick, bookseller, Saltmarket, 1709 " It i« a work I had never seen or heanl of, ...nd it contains a cuno.is collection of lyrics prior to Burns' dav In this I { hoiiiiy Doun, How can ye bloom so fresh ]nn\ lair ? How can ye chant , ye little birds, While I'm so wao and fu' o' care ? Ye'll break my heart, ye little birds, That wanton through the Howering Ihoru • Ye mind me of departed joys, Peparted never to return. M 268 8KETCnp]S AND ANECDOTES. 'I i 6 Oft have I roam'd by bonny Doun To see the rose and woodbine twine, VViiere ilka l)ird sung o'er its note, And cheerfully I joined \vi' mine. Wi' heartsonie glee I pull'd a rose, A rose out of yon thorny tree ; But my false h)ve has stolen the rose. And left the thorn behind to me. Ye roses, blaw your bonny blooms, And draw the wild birds by the burn, F\)r Luman promised me a ri-i;;, And 3'e maun aid me slioulo i mourn. Ah ! na, ua, na, ye ncedna mourn, My eeu are dim and drowsy worn ; Ye bonn\' birds, yc ncediiu sing, b'ui Luman never can return. My liUman's love, in broken sighs At dawn of day by I)()Un ye'.se hear. And mid-day, by the willow green, For him I'll slied a silent tear. Sweet birds, I ken you'll pity nie, Ami joi': me wi' a plain! ivc sang, While eelu) waki's, and joins the mane I m.d.' for him I lo'ed sae lang. 8ir, you will observe that in the above version " Dooii " is spelled "Doun." I am inelincd to think that thiH is the original song from which Burns obtained his two versions, ami that it is more of an Englisli i^ong than a Scotch one. The name "Luman," if my memory serves nie I'ight, I have never found in any iSeottish Hong or ballad. It aj»})ears to me, from internal evi- dences, that this song eminated from the heart and pen of a female song-writci-. Instead of Ayrshire, 1 am constrained to believe that the scene of the song is laiti in Perthshire. The baronial castle of " Dcmn" or " Donne " is surrounded with romantic scenery, anli song iiy memory ly Scottish iternal evi- u't and pen shire, I am song is laitl ' Doun" or enerv, and 18. It waH the unfoi' Mr. and Mas. TAMSON. [Incribed to T. H. Robkhts. Esq , Detroit | John Tamson aud his ^niidwife, Jean Tf)ok notions in their l)rain To gang and see .Jean's a-ed Aunt Out at the town of Wayne.* Now, they were just as fine a pair As e'er took hold o' hands, In fact tliey strove in deed and word To lieep the ten conmiauds. Now, Jolin drew on liis overcoat, Which buttoned to his nock. And Jean put on her tartan pjuid, Also her seal-.skin saciiue. And she did wisely keep in mind Her mitts and overshoes; And on the road, to post Jolm up. She took "The Evening News." To please her Aunty, she resolved That it would he befitting To take her out a pair of Iioso She had for weeks been knitting. Now, when they reached the ti(diet door. Quo' John: " We'll take a s]eej)er," •' No, no." quo' Jean. •• Now, take' my word A cushioned .seat is cheaper. *To those not oonv^rsanf witl. ".Vpi-l.ton's Sta.Mard Ili^.her Oe-j^n-apLr ■ nT^u'T ,"'"' '^'f^'"'^ '**''• "' "'" "■'^^" "*"•'*' '^"'•"' '<-'" '""'"« *lu." ^-.Hi fr ,«. Detroit, -Miolugau, Lnited «tate8 of Americrt. Lat. «: IT Luu 6^ W 270 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTKS. (■ o "It doesna' do to sleep on straw, And breakfast ou protonst-s, But, J(jhn, it's best on every hand To tlirottle the expenses." When tliey were seated in the car, Quo' Jean, " John, keep in mind That tljougli we'll soon be on the wing, That Providence is kind. "So sit ye still, and nurse content, And faith, ye may depend. The engine soon will pu' us through Unto our journey's end." Wi' tliis the whistle gave a blast, Quo' Jean: "John, take the hint, And soon ye'll see that oH" we'll flee As fast as fire from flint. "The steam is up, oh, John ! oh John ? I feel so calm, so glad; I feel as safe as if I was At hame In my own bed." 8he lookit through the window, and Upon the landscape spying, She cried: " Oh, John, look out, look out. The very trees are flying."' John keekit out and said it seems As if the earth was loupin'; Then instantly he grasped Jean's hand And held it in his goupen. Now, from hrr reticule she drew Bread, cheese, and twa three eggs; She sprang ! she roared ! " Oh, John, a bolt Has struck me on the legs I " Pale grew her check, how pale, how wan, Pale as tlie silvery light That shimmers on the silent pool Ui)on the lull o' niglit. John lodkit down and tliere he saw (_)ne uf the rO'istcr race; It raised its head, it clapped its wings, And crewel right in his face. SKKtrilES AM) ANECDOTES. J oh n s lid, " Yt' brute, what tciiiptcd ve To dilf my wife like that I wisli I had V ■ou al our liaiiie D.eep (low 11 in our kail-pat. They ehaiiued their •^'■ats, i( wasna' laiiy: Till Jean cried: " Mercy, mv. From out the luni a cinder's come And struck ine in the eye." Jolm'.s mind with agony was struck; His haiidkercliief he drew And witli it took t le ciiKlir from llei' eye, so honnie blue. They rolled alouis, and all the road Jean sorely did complain, rntij a man llun^; wide the door And tenderly cried, •• W; ivne Now. when on reaching- Aunty's door Their welcome was hut scant, As she had n(),|,. (,> Hut tie Creek rpon her marriai:c jaunt. When Jean heard this sl>e wrun<,^ her haiid.s And cried: " C)h, did ve ever The Tootlde.ss jade, she should be d Deep in the deepest river. "My ijoodness, me, that's news indeed Tiiat takes my breath away; The .-senseless ass ! She's sa.xty-uine (^)me next St. Andrew's day." Quo' John: "This ([ueer outlandi.sh nl lown'd plov Is past my coniprehension: She's ill her dotage, by my soul She's ill her la-t declension. "Bout ship," he cried, and then he .said Some wt)rd> that I'll not iiain-'; Then Jean cried out: "( ome, John, mv dear, There is no place like ham.' ; Nov.-, when they reached their John thus to Jean did speak " I hope your L'ncle .md your Aunt Arehame from Battle Creek," 271 own snug hame, 27 2 8KKTCI1ES AND ANECDOTES. r o At tliia n^niitrk Jean laughed outright, Then Sivid; "O, did yo ever I I diniia care thougii they sliould stay 111 Batth' Creek forever 1 " Now, Wi Vur me and my wee brother." When out the little lassie cam', How sweet she look'd, I ween, And tiien the twu wi' ae accord Sat down upon th(! green. She laugh'd sae kindly in his face, Sac cunning and sae cute When she cried out, " O Tam ! we'll eaf— We'll eat it bite aboot." How pleased th?y sat, contentment smil'd- Nae selfishness was there; The auld man nosed his ey(\s and sai 1, "God blgss this lilUi; pair. ' A less(m fi-om tliis may lie drawn, Which some will draw nae doot, Miiir kindly words were never said — "We'll eat it bile aboot." "We'll eat ii ...te aboot," she said, " We'll eat '•. -"^e aboot," Mair kindly w .r^js were never -^aid 'We'll cut il bile aboot" 274 BKETiMKS AND ANKODOTES. I- o McCALLUM AM) THE WITCH. (IiiserilM-'i to Stewaut Makk--. Kvii.. Dftinil.] Scotland, as well as oUrt coiuitries, was at one time greatly infested witli Witches, so niiu-h so tliat ninnl)ers of people kept certain articles in theii- houses, and on tlieir persons, as a fancied protection against their evil madiinations. Tliese Witches are generally re))resented to have been mi>erable old withered ha^'s, decrei)it in Klature and hrimful of spite, spleen and inalii^nant mis- chief and bedevilment, Tliey were more abundant than Warlocks for the reason it is said that Satan has more p(»wer o\er the .sex on account of P^ve's blundering weakness in the Garden of Kden. They were divided into three clauses, lilack, White and (Trey — the first could hurt, the second could help, aiul the last could both help and hurt. It was the general belief that thev made a Contract with Satan — selling him their souls and bodies for which he gave theni the jtowc" to change themselves into cats, dogs, or any othei- animal that suited their purpose or inclination. The common 151ack Witch had the power of flying through the air mounted on a bro .mstick, branch of the Irendock, or, according to James Hogg, they sometimes " saddled tludr nags on the moonfern leaf." They frequently met in chui'ch-yards, antl one woman confessed that Satan went before them dancing in the sha})e of a dog and ]>laying on a pair of bag- fii)»es I A great number of methods were ado[>ted to prove that a Witch was a Witch. One ])laii was to put her in a pair of scales and Aveigh her against the Church Bible, and if she was lieavier, she wis inmiediately found guilty. Anotlier m('th(»(l was to make them at- tempt to repeat the Lord'-; prayer, which few of them Were able to do correctly. But the general plan was to- SKETCHES AM) ANECDOTES. 'JTr) )ag- (l to .lit urcli It fly 1 at- hem LS to biiiil them crosswise, vi/: the ric^ht thumb to (lie lift toe, and tlie left thumb to the right toe, ami then throw them into a pond or river, and if innoeent they w mild Bwiiu, and if guiltv they would sink. It was also the common belief that a Witch could not wt'C)* more than three tears, and that only out of the left eyi', and this lack of weeping was consiroof of guilt. It is revolting to human nature to read the diabolical accounts of the trials and persecutions that these poor, miserable weak-minded creatures were subjected to. When sus|»e('ted of boing a Witch, and when put to the torture, they frcMpu'iitly confessed that they were in league with Satan; but it mattered little whether they made a confession or not, for, without either the " why or the wherefore," the\' Were pronounced guilty. In many i)laces in Scotlaml the "Witches' knowe" is pointed out whci'e they were burned to death. In the reign of James I. an act was passed against Witchcraft, one clause of which runs thus: "Any person who shall ]>ractice or exorcise any witch- craft, enchantment, cliarm, or sorcery, wheieby any person shall be killed, destroyed, wasted, consume*!, pined, or lamed in his or her body, or any part thereof, such offender, duly and lawfully convicted, shall suffer death." And no later than the reign of George I. was this statute repealed. Since the schoolmaster is abroad the bogles, ghosts, witches, warlocks, fairies, brownies, asypodes, water-wraiths, and kelpies have entirely dis- appeared. The following tradition illustrates the once common belief in Witches in general, and the <»rey Witch in pa •ticuli ir fi^l 27(5 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. !■ o ThcM'e was a man and his name was John McCalhim, and he resided at liallaehhivan, Island of Ishiv, Arjjcvle- sliire. One day he went to Balli<>rant for the pnrpose of getting some horse liarness repaired by a saddler wliose name was Duncan MeDermaid, and who resided in that place. After the liarness was mended, tlie two being old friends, and liclieving that the bands of friendship could not be tightened without a dram, they paid a visit to the inn kept by Peter Douglas. One glass followed another, and they sat until midnight singing songs with great glee, telling strange and queer stories and drink- ing to one another's goovl health. Care's lugs were cuff'd, nae hole had he to hide in. Sac off lie sulk'd and joy was left prcsidiu'. When John MeCallum at length rose to go home, the landlord and John MeDermaid prayed upon him, as he valued his life, not to go, but to remain until day- light, as a Witch and Warlock at a place called Imara Conard would allow no one to pass after regular hours. McCalluni was, however, of a stubborn and foolhardy disposition, and turned a deaf ear to their urgent solic- itations. In a moment of bravado he called for another gill by way of deochan doralsli, or stirrup-cup, and as a toast he gave "Here's to the old Warlock ! " which toast made the blood of his two companions curdle in their very veins. He uhen took his staff, shook hands with liis friends and started on his homeward journey, but little, little did he know the troubles that were before liim. As he was going through a wild and dreary spot he behekl two unearthly objects suddenly approach, and by the faint light of the moon he saw that one was the Grey Witch and the other the Grey Warlock of the glen ! The Witch looked with fury at the man, she raised her SKKTCirKS AXD AXECDOTKS. 377 day- hand and she said, '^ Where goest thou, AfcC^illum ? You shall not go any fui-tlier ! Tliere sliall l)o weeping and wailing at Hallachiaveii to-morrow ! You drank the health of the Grey Warlock and yuii slighted me, the Grey W^itch of Lnara (\)nard." fSIie gave a scream and Hew at McCnllum, and would have torn out his heart had not the Grey Warlock si)rang between the two. She Hew round and round, while Hames of tire issued out of her nostrils, and ever and anon she muttered words of nameless vengeance ! At every breath she blew, the lightning- 'lashed and the thunder bellowed amongst the hills ! With trembling steps, under the j.rotection of the Warlock, MeCallum at last reached his uwn door. The Warlock then said, " Farewell, McCallum! and know that under your own roof, from the rising to the setting of the sun, you are safe from the Grey Witch of Imara Conard; but remember, if you are found out of doors when darkness shrouds the mountains, your days on this earth are ended ! " Night after night there were strange noises heard round McCallum's house, and after sunset l;e never ven- tured forth uidess accompanied by a friend, as the Grey Witch was ever hovering near. At length he became 80 annoyed at her presence, that with the view of getting rid of her, he consulted several old women who were well versed in the ways and manners of spirits, visible and invisible. They came to the conclusion that his wisest course was to consult Donald McLellan, commonly known as the Red Warlock of Esldnish. Accordingly McCallum laid his case before him, but he replied, " I can do nothing, as these matters are too near my own door, but get a boat and sail to the Island of Mull, between sunrise and sunset, and then goto the house of the Witch 278 SKKTCHKS AM) ANEODOTES. if- c: O of Mull. Take those tokens," — and the ReJ Warlock gave liiin two cat's claws and two pair of dog's tusks, [lacked in a goat's liorn, — "and when you get to the door, rattle the horn and cry out, ' Peace be here,' and the Witch will immediately appear." MoCallum then proceeded home and made pi'epai'ations for Ins journey. He found little rest that night, as the (rrev NVitch made such unearthly noises, which made iiim y'roan and moan and start at every breath he ! At thirt niotnont a hiri^o Mack Ao.jr <..,„,(■ from o.u' eon.cr of the hut, and \ay down .-los*' to tho anvil. Wlien 'he stool was takon ont of tho fire luirnino- hot, and, althou-h tho sj.arks How over the doj. i,, all rlirootions, ho lay as still as doath. Tho IJIacksniith again placod tho stool in tho tiro, and aLraiii ho oriod, " JJlow, MoCalli door tho Witch uin ! " and at tho scroanied in agony, as sho know tho spoil she had cast upon ^[cCalluni was al P )out to bo broken ! When tho spoar was fashiojiod to tho satisf tho Blacksmith, ho hold it over his head must be tempered in the bodv of and lotion of <'»-iod, '-'rhis I man or the hody of a dog," and McCallum saw death staring } face, but the Blacksmith, with tho arm o{ dashed it through tho body of the dog! \V1 iim in tlio V(Migoance, was done, the C >on this iroy Witch gave ai vanished as sudden 1 1 unearthly veil an apj)oarod ! Next d tl 10 injunction that ho should i ly lis ]iossession, with sunset, otherwise tho Witcl lover l>o without it, after end to his davs ! U > would ))ut ,11, imme(liat( about 10 o'clock reached homo tl 10 next evening, P , 111 great glee and without inolestat or years after ho carried on his f ion. vsafety, till one harvest irming opt'rations ii tain in o- the ovening he loft h IS vest, con- pear, at one end of the field, and heedlessly remained at work after tho shearers had The sun went down ! II gone horn; e s aw the Grey Witch appo ir 1 IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 I.I IM lilM 1132 114 40 IM 1.8 1.25 1.4 1.6 ■* 6" ► V] <^ /A ^>J c*. ^l W o^ 0^ i-> ^r y /a Photographic Sciences Corporation d 4k V ^<^ V fi WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, NY. 14580 (716) 872-4503 :\ \ ^y^^ '^ iL^.. 1 '■'I 380 8KBTCIIKH AND ANKCDOTKH. >i. II c i' i L I j (1 ii i n • - ''I ik^ .11 t with the spear in her hand ! Ho tried to evade her, but with a howl she cried, *' McCallinn, you are mine ! " and she hurled the spear througli McCalluni's heart ! The spear was found next day in his body an THE SARNIA TUNNEL REVISITED. [Inscribed ta Matob Watson, Samia, Ont.] I didna feel just unco weel, Sae after sage opinions, I thought I'd gang and eet my foot Upon the Queen's dominions. Bae after taking tlie liand-shaliinjr, And after life insurin'. I found mysel' in Samia toon, Right opposite Port Huron. I slept a' night till niornin' light, And after breakfast rations, I started doon the road to view The tunnel excavations. Some gormandizx'rs love to see A sheep-head or a sausage. But as for me I'd sooner view A subterraneous passage . The bairns were playing 'bout the doors, The bonnic birds were singin' And in the orchards on the trees The apples red were hingin'. The mighty river rolled along. By many a streamlet fed, Un.aindful of the diggers who Were digging 'neath her bed. And wlien I reached the tunnel warks, I rappit at the door, When twa three brutes o' senseless dogs Set up an unco roar. And soon a man cried out, " Wha's there ? " And when he drew the pin, He said, " Just gang the road ye cam': I canna' let ye in. '" Quoth I, " Ouidman, below the ground We are uniting nations, But 'bove the ground I trow ye'ye got Unfriendly regulations. SKETCHKS AM) ANBCI>0TK8. 285 "I represent our Uncle Sam, And I ha'e come to see je, And our intentions are l> keep On social footings wi' ye. " Now let me in," but faith wi' thia He grew a wee thought bolder. Sae on my heel I turned about And gave him the cold shoulder. And then I hurried doon the toon Wi' breast-bone on expansion. And soon I found myscl' within The Mayor's friendly niansiou. I look'd around, I saw a man Upon a muckle chair, And then I said, "Sir, may I ask If ye're Port Sarnia's Mayor ? ' He answered '• Yes," and soon I Maw He had nae spark o' pride. And then I told him I belonged Unto the other side. I told him 'bout the tunnel man Which I above have stated. And then desired that he forthwith Should be incarcerated. He then replied, " I know the man. He has both sons and daughters, And for their sakes I'll throw some oil Upon the troubled waters. " Take my advice and .say no more; His act might lead to war. We'll smoke the pipe o' peace," he bow'd, And I took a cigar. A FAITHFUL WIFE. Jenny Clapperton wa.s a servant-lass at the manse and she was considered by the minister, the elders and others, as a great cook. She got tired of service, and took a notion into her head to get married to George 286 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. Blair. One Sunday evening George said to her " Jenny ye ha'e just half hungered me this blessed day." Wi' this Jenny lifted up her hands and said, "Mercy rae, George, hoo in a' the warld can ye say that ? This mornin' ye had a })icker o' parritch and a pint o' milk to yere brejikfast, and after that ye had three cups o' tea, without saying ony thing aboot the flour-scones. After that ye had yere nocket, consistin' o' bread and cheese and a bowl o' lajijjered milk. Then ye had to yere dinner sheep-head kail, and a >.',eep-head, together wi' the trotters. To yere fouroors ye had 'taties and herrin', and to yere supper ye had eauld kail het again. Now, after a' that, I wad like to ken what mair do ye want ?" " Want, " quo' George, " Ma face is just the very picture o' want, but I will say nae mair, as Jenny, my dear, ye are a faithful wife, and a faithful wife is the medicine of life." ORD, THE CIRCUS MAN. (Inscribed to Captaik .Tames Morrison, Detroit.] There cam' a man to our gate-end, Who was with heat oppress'd, He saw a public house, so he Went in to take a rest. His coal-black hair was mixed with grey. Yet he stood up erect: His looks betokened him a man That would command respect. He gave a glance around the room, He saw a quiet nook, He sat, then from his pocket he Drew forth a 12nio. book. He read a passage here and there. Then 'gan to ruminate. And then he cried: " Ho, Landlord, bring A speldron on a phite. SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 267 " Your whisky's good, I Imvo hoard say. And I do well believe it, 8n you may also bring to me A dram of your Glenlevit." He took the speldron in liis hand, And he began u-muucliin'. Wiieu in there came a Bully-man Who saw him at his luncheon. This Bully-man, the great George Combe, Once very plain did tell him, That all the brains that, he possess'd Were in his cerebellum. Now to descant on George's words Is foreign to my jvlau, As he more titly could describe This base, degraded man. He grabbed the whisky, drank it down Without an observation. Which act brought from the elder man No words of indignation. But in a calm and peaceful strain Cried " Landlord," when he came, He said, " Be pleased to bring to me Another of the same." Tiie Landlord brought another dram, And just as (juick as wink Again the Bully seized t»he stoup And swallowed down the drink. The man looked at the Bully-man, And a long breath he drew. And then he said, " I don't propose To buy more drink for you." The Bully roared, " Come out, come out. And I'll knock out your brains, And then I'll shower ten thousand tears Above your cold remains." The elder man rose up and said, " I cannot say you nay:" Then to the Landlord he spoke thus: "Come out and see fair play." i- < U (ill' . ,< a N I'' I'l! I' I I'' 1 ( J \i \i L* 1-1 988 SKE'miKS AND ANKCDOTES. TliP Liindlord said, " I'll « 'cn do that," And as the story j^ocs, To Wf lair play In; quickly placeil Ilis specs upon his nost'. Then out llicy went upon the green ; Before the Hully wist, n«! got a wliack hcliiud the- ear, Another on the (;hest. Headlong he r<'Ii ! As up he rose. With bated breatii, he stated Tiiat from the quickness of tlie round, He felt humiliated. The elder man stood like a rock, And then he cried '• Beware ! *' Then quick as thought the Bully's heels Were flickering in the air. He slowly gathered himself up, As down the road he ran; The victor said, " He'll fight no more With Ord. the (Mrcus-man." The Landlord laughed ii merry laugh, His mouth wide open flew; The tears rolled down, and his red nose More red and redder grew. And then he cried: "And are ye Ord ? Come in and for your pains. And ye shall get the very best My public house contains. " And 'tent ye. sir. I hope that knave Will never more neglect To speak to ehler people with Due kindness and respect.' Now his guidwife heard these remarks As she cam' round the gable, She smiled and then she sweetly said: I' The dinner's on the table." Ord, the Ciirus-tiKiii, waH wi'll known throughout thf length and breadth of the three kingdoms. lit' was lioni in tho parish of Longforinacua, Bor- wickshire, Scotland, wlu-ii' his father was parochial niiiiist^r. He was dBs- iiaed for the ministry. Ijut pretVrred the circus to the pulpit. I may hero state that when in my early ye^rs. though he was then past middle age, I saw him at one tremendous bound leap over 1«> horses. HKKTCIiKS AMI AMCl |»OTBa. iso A FINK SKNfSATION. |Tn>4.Tiho.t to UoiiKRT Swan, K*i., Toronto, Ont | A(! (luy John Tod cam' doori tlic road, And he was in a flurry , TwHH easy hccn that lie was mi A most (•(»nfo\unh'd hurry. Atild Sandy Duncan mot hhn, and Quo' he, '• Whafsa' the bicker? I dinna tiiinli that for your lif«' Yo could ;,'an.if niuckl*; iiuickcr." '• I'm gaun," (juo' he, " I'm y;aun awa'. To wlierc the i^oodneas kens. But I'll ne'er stop until I reach Earth'8 very utmost ends. " Wl' Nan Ive lived for forty years, And I may say wi' truth, Siie has a tonsjue— the vilest tongue That e'er hung in a mooth. " This day she opened out on me, Jtist like a raging bear, Hut faith I made her comprehend She'd never see me niair." Quo' Sandy. '• What did Nannie say. When ye cam' alT for good ? " Quo' John. " She didna' say ae word. But like a statue stood. " Tiiank heaven ! her tongue did come at Ia.st To a complete stagnation; If she no got a red-hot sljot, She got a tine sensation ! " But Sandy didna gang sae far, A'maist afore he keut, He ga'e a groan upon a stone, Syne hatne to Nannie went. breadth us, Bor- vas dH8- ay here 9 a^, r Rkv. JOHN BROWN AND FERGU8S0N, THE POET. When in Canada, some time ago, mv friend Mr. Dick handed me an ohl fimeral letter. It was thus ad- dressed to his grandfather. " Mr. Wm. Dick, r,o.sford fA 300 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. <\ ! iV'i lli '"!■ , Mains." It wa^ the original letter of invitation to the funeral of Dr. John lirown, author of the " Dictionary of the Hihle." It read thus: "SiK, — Mr .luhn Brown, my fatlier, dit'd (»ii Tuesday evening, and is to be buried in tlic (■liureli-yiird Univ., on Saturday the 2Hd current, at eleven o'clock fMrcnoon. Tlic favor of your presence to uecompuny the funeral will much oblige, Sir, Your most oiicdient servant, John Biiown. Haddington, 21st June. 1787. Please to acquaint Robert Marshall, .laraes Deans, .Tolui White, James Slieurer, and the liour is punctually kept at Hadilington." In connection with the above letter, I niav state that I have in ray possession a rare edition of " Fergusson's Poems," edited by James Hannington i.iu printed by Oliver it Co., Edinburgh, IHOO. Facing the title-page is a j»ortrait of the poet, engraved on Hteel, and under- neath it the words "OgVjurn Sculp." In the biograph- ical sketch it is stated that poor Fergusson, when in a melanclioly state of mind, met the Rev. John Brown in Haddington church-yard. I quote from the biography, K'aving the reader to decide whether the words of gloom are better than the words of cheerfulness. "Mr. Brown, when taking a walk in Haddington church-yard, met with a disconsolate gentleman, whom he did not know, walking in the same place. They accosted one another, and Mr. Brown made a few remarks, observing, that in a short time they would soon be laid in the dust, and that therefore it was wise to prepare for eternity." This disconsolate gentleman was Fergusson, and the above encounter happened in 1772. The biographer philoso- phically remarks, "A very trilling circumstance will, in particular situations and states of the mind, produce extraordinary consequences." 8KETCUE8 AND ANECDOTEK. 291 imder- How different, how syiMpatlu ic was the conduct of Robert Hums. In the year 17H7, when in Kdinhur^jh, he visited the Canoiwate fhurch-vard. When he came to poor Fergusson's j;riive, he uncovered Iiis head, and while the tear of conipasHion rulU-d d<»wn Ills clieel<, he kneeled upon the yrave, and with a fellow-feeling klNsed the clay-cold ground. WIVKS CAN DO NO WKONCJ. [liiKcrilH'd toTHoH. Hk' whiskey on i\is breath. My faith, her ton<;ue when she begins, Gets supple as i docken. But what she says or what she does Had better not be spoken. Now Tammie, 'gainst his own guid wife Would scorn to be rebelling, Although he often wished some day She'd loose her sense o' smelling. ' I 292 8KET<'IIKS AND ANECDOTES. I ! i Ae day a thought struck Tammie's head, That he awa' would wend To Dr. Gunn, and wic if he Some cure would recommend. He laid afore him his complaints, He told him 'bout hi.s breath; He told him how his wife's ill tongue, Was lik(! to be his death. The doctor said: " Take my advice, And tliat will strike her dumb, If ye above the wliiskey take — A glass or twa o' rum I " Then Tammie cried: "That winna do, That winna do ava, When I gang hame I'm sure she'd knock My head against tlu; wa'." The doctor smiled, and then he said: " It is th(! old, old song, Your wife is right, and right is might, Ho wives can do no wrong." BROTHERS AInD SISTERS. It has been frequently thrown in tlie teeth o' Scotch- men that they are more patrioti<; abroad than they are at home. I am somewliat inclined to believe this, for, in evidence, at a debating club at Jackson, Mich., the question under debate was, " Which is or Wan the Greatest People in the World ? " Mackey Neilson rose and said, " We ha'e a' heard this night a blast o' wan- dering wind in praise o' the auld bletherin' Greeks and Koraans, and aboot that auld ass Deogenis sittin' in a wash-tub. I am sure the auld fool wad ha'e sat far mair comfortable in an arm chair, but it just shows that he had nae mair brains than a moudiwort. We ha'e also lu^ard aboot Plato, Virgil, Horace and Homer. Just a [)ack o' mongrels, bark, barkin', and naebody kens what they are barkin' aboot. If ye wad tak' every aue o* SKETCHES AND ANECDOTEH. 30» them and row thera a' thegetlior ye wadna' mak' a Sir Walter Scott oot o' the hale batch. We ha'e also heard aboot some o' the ancient women — juHt a eleckin' o* randies and dirty drabs. What ane o' them can com- pare wV oor ain Grace Darling, Flora McDonald, Grizel Cochrane, or Jeannie Deans? Puir Jeannie! I wadna' gi'e oor Scotch Jeannie for a' the women re(;oided in history. O, she was the (|ueen o' womankind. She wadna' tell a lee to save the life o' her ain sister. Scot- land is a grand nation. A' the rest o' the nations may be compared to spunks, but she is like a beacon set on a high hill gi'en light to a' the world. My certy, she is the ane that wears the breekw. She's the aiie that can cOck her nose and keej) the cantle o' the causey. 'J'he mair I read her history the mair I believe Uiat her uncles and aunts and her sons and daughters are twin- brithers and sisters o' the aiio-els." HOW CHANGED ARE THE TIMES! [Inscribed IoJamioh If. .Vltin, Ksq.. Detroit | How changed arc the limes since I lived wi" my initlicr. How changed aiv the times! they are changed a' thcgether; We have engines o' steam, and it's true, I (hire say, They can bowl us live humlred laug miles in a day. What wi' lolling in cars, there's a prevailing notion. That we'll soon lose the art o' leg locomotion. There are few walking now to the kirk or the ninrt, Or driving o'er hills and down dales in a -art. How changed are the times ! 'Twas griuid in tiie cart ! in the cart 'mang the strac. To sit wi' our lass on a braw simmer's day. And while the auld horse wad gang jogging aIanl^ We wad cheer up our dear wi' a [)salm or a sang. ' 'Twas even-doon Idiss ! aye, 'twas blythsotnc and cheei ie, To sit 'mang the strae wi' our ain boruiie dearie ! And wlieu in our plaidie fu' kitidly we'd roll lier, She'd cry, "Have a care, oh, take care o' my collar ! " How changed are the times ! Tm ,!,.;. i' *" f ■ , 1 1 1 1 1 ■ «■ Mt 1 i ' Hi. • r 1 294 SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. How aften she'd say. and try hard to still u«: " If ye rattle ma collar my mither will kill us, Her tongue will e'en gang like the clash o' a mill. Losh man ! guide us a' the cart's standin' still ! " " Preserve us ! " we'd say, and afore she wad wiss Frae her red rosy lips we wad steal a bit kiss, When this was obtained the auld horse we wad wallop, Then off we wad gae at the trot or the gallop ! How changed are the times I 'Fore the advent o' steam, and the engines and cars, The country was fu' o' brave young Lochinvars; How rarely we now spin in carts or in carriages, Or put on our spurs to stop runaw^ay marriages. We get married at hame, and like birds oot o' jail, We loup into a car and tlee off on the rail, But when we come off, how our cantle's vv'c claw, And we wish that we ne'er had got marrit ava. How changed are the times ! How grand were the times afore steam was invented. How happy we lived; and we a' died contented I We rejoiced a' the day, and at night we were glad To lay oursel's doon on a braw heather bed. We're now civilized I since we lived with our mitlicrs, We now try to .sleep on a bed fu' o' feathers; We kick and we plunge, and we wish frae our heart, For the auld heather bed, and the straw in a cart. How changed are the times ! To the kirk, on the Sundays, we a' gade sedate, And the auld and the young would clank doon in a sate. IJut look at them noo, no a lass in the toon, But will fyke half an hour afore she sits doon. We gade to the kirk to hear prayers and preachin", We now gang to the kirk to hear skirlin' and screcchiu'; In my auld grannie's days, when I was a youth, We prayed and we sang wi' our ain word o' mouth. How changed arc the times I O, where, and O. where is the auld .spinnin' wheel ? And where, and O, where is the rock and the reel ? They are either in garrits, or broken to Hinders, Or they're thrown in fires and a' biunt to cinders. *i . SKETCHES AND AXECDOTES. 295 O, where are the Hecklers ?— where, where are they tioo, And the Swinglers o' lint and the Carders o' woo"? They are gone, they are gone, aiifl they've left us a stock That will neer fill the shoon o' the thrifty auld folk. How changed are the times ! Our hraw linen sarks we ne cr see them ava, Hinging out on the lic- ;:i 1 -i: q t i 5 1; 398 8KKT0IIE8 AND ANECDOTES. 'Twas midnight, and her guidnian, John Fast by her aide serenely slumber'd. She (M-iod, " Oh, John, in mercy rise. For oh, I doubt my days are number'd. " John rose and said, "What do ye want ? " Siic answered and the words maist rluiked her, '■ I want — ye weel ken what I want— Oh, dear, oh, dear, I want a doctor." Jphn's olaes were hung on a chair back, According to his usual plan ; He put them on, unbarred the door. And for the doctor off he ran. He rappit at the doctor's door. The doctor cried " Wha's there ? " "John Dunn ; Oh, come wi' me, my wife is ill, 1 doubt her thread o' life is spun." The twasome soon got .on the trot. My faith they hurried up the street, They hurried sae they didna' let A blade o' grass*grow 'neath their feet. They reached the house, they heard Nan roar : "Quick. John, oh, me. oh, woe betide," John struck a light and very soon The doctor stood at Nan's bedside. He felt her pulse, he saw her tongue, Quo' he, " 'Tis needless me to see ye, I swear by Claudius Galenus That there's nae serious matter wi' ye. " Now, Mrs. Dunn, all that ye need Is just a dnnn of guid Scotch drink, 'Twill calm your nerves, and take my word Ye'U be a' better in a blink." The doctor went, and John went to The public house, with mind at rest ; The landlord rose, and soon John got A mutchkin o' his very best. When he got hame he cried ; " Now, Nan. Drink this, and may guid luck attend ye ; Just drink it up. and I'll be bound That it will very quickly mend ye." Iin d." I'lked her, >lin Dunn : roar SKUTCHKS ANn AVKCrmTKS. g99 Shu cried : "Oh, Jolui. tak' it jiwa. Ae drop ye needna* ofTcr til) me ; Just tiike it off; oh. John ! oh. .lohn ' Its very smell is like to kill me." John placed tho bottle to his mouth, He wanted neither glass nor eiij), Without a word, he drank it down. He didna leave a single sup. Then Nannie cried. " Vc greed v wretch Your conduct sorely Ims distressed me " quo' he. " Ye wadna' take a drop," Quo' she. •• Ve sumph. ye might' ha'e pressed me." Quo' John, "The pressing days are gane," Then he began to dance and skip. And loud he sang the auld refrain— "There's many a slip 'tween cup and lip " Wi' this Nan's blood began to boil, And up she rose, and it is said, She got a rung, and wi' its help She sent him tlying back to bed. BRING ME WHAT YE LIKE. [Inscribed to Thoma.s Hislop, Esq., Detroit. | Ben Nevis was a servant-man, And in the silent night, Without a warning word began To groan wi' a' his might. At times he'd spring clean oot o' bed, Then in again would •whup. And the result was that ho soon Woke everybody up. His master rushed to his bed-side, And he cried out " Ben, Ben, What's wrang wi' you. there's inair than me This night wad like to ken ? " Ben Nevis cried " Aneath the sheetn For me there is nae shelter. To end my days I wish that 1 Was hanging in a halter." 300 HKKTfHKK AND ANECDOTES. ( n ■' \j\ 1. 1 J His mistress in her bed-gown cried, " Ben, stop, aind in a minit I'll mask some tea, now let me ken What ye wad relish in it ? Wad ye like sugar, milk or cream, Plain bread or buttered toast. Now speak elear oot and let me ken What ye wad like the most V ' ' But maybe vex! prefer a scone, A bab or penny-row ; Now will ye wait till day-light comes, Or will ye have theui now ? But aiblins 3-e wad like to ha'e A basin o' beef tea. A bowl o' brose is unco guid When charged wi' kitchen fee. " I wish ye wail lay bare your mind, And ca' for what ye please ; If 1 were in your shoon I think I'd ha'e some bread and cheese. Oh, Ben, ye look as if ye had Crossed o'er the brig o' hope, Ben, will ye ha'e a brandered steak. Or will ye ha'e a chop ? " If ye wad only let me ken, Right doon the stairs I'd whup ; But first, a sang frae me might cheer Your soul and body up." Ben Nevis sighed and said "Oh, dear. Oh, dinnu make a fyke. Oh, gang awa and bring. Oh, bring, Just bring me what ye like." The master said "Hark, now guidwitc, Your words are most bewitchin', But Ben. my dear, wad sooner hear Some music from your kitchen." The wife cried, " Pit your fit to mine, And you and I will pettle him, I'll brew some drink, and soon ye'll see That it will quickly settle him." FINIS. 1 ■t> ^ i. -■J ^^^i"^ w>.i