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GILBERT, COMPOSED BY ARTHUR SULLIVAN, PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS. The Anglo-Canadian Music Publishers* Association [Limited], 38 Church Street. Entered according to Act of Parliament of Canada, in the year iSSj, by F. G. Howe, on belialf of the Anglo-Canadian Music Publishers' Association (Limited). ':'■ "■' '.; ■■■ ■'- ■',.■.;.. ,V.. •:■'■. ■'•*' '■' ■» :.. ■ -. ,, \v,. ^ ■ ' » 2 Produced at th9 Savoy Theatre, London, on Saturday, 14ih March, 18S6, under the management of Mr. R. D'Oyly Carte. Thb Mikado of 3 asks . . Mr. B. Tsmpia. Ko-Eo {iMrd High Executioner of Tiiipn) . . Mr. Qeobob Grossmith. Pooh-Bah (Lord High Everything Else). . . . Mr. Rutland Babbinotok. PiSH-TusH (a Noble Lord) Mr. Fbedbbick Bovil. TuM-TuM ) ^ Miss Lbomosa Bbaham . Piixi-SiNO > ThreeSiatera — fTattfoo/Ko-Ko VmIbs Jbssu Bond. Pkbp-Bo ).. .. ..J Miss Sybil Obbt. KA'nsBA{aneMerly Lad/y,inlovewi(hN ASKi-Poo)'M.iM Rosina Bbandbam. Ohobus of School Gibls,' Nobles, Guabds, and Cooubs. .A- 1 SOBN discovet drawin Act I. — Court-yard of Ko-Eo's official residence 1 ». xr.™— n-.,«- Act n.-Eo-^o'B Garden | Mr. Hawbs Cbavin. The incidental daniseB by Mr. John d'Auban. The Ladies' dresses, Messrs. Libbbxt A Co. The gentlemen's dresses designed by Mr. WiLHBLM, from Japanese authorities, and executed by Auoubtb & Co. The management desires to acknowledge the valuable aMtistanoe afforded by the directors and native inhabitants of the "Japanese Vil]i|«e," Knightsbridge. - ^S Enti on hie 3 , 188S, THE MIKADO J OB, T^TJSJ TOWJSr OF TITIJPU. AOT L ^v&^r—Qowrt-yard of Ko-Eo's Pakuse in Titipu. JapcmMe nobles discovered etmt/ding and sitting in attitudes suggested by native drawings, CHORUS. If you want to know who we are, We are gentlonen of JaiMUi ; On many a vase and jar — On many a screen and fan, We figure in lively paint ; Our attitudes queer and quaint — You're wrong ^ yon think it ain't. If yon think we are worked by strings^ Like a Japanese marionette, Tou don't understand these things : It is simply Court etiquette. Perhaps you suppose this throng Can't keep it up all day long t If that's your idea, you're wrong. Jintor Nanki-Poo tn greal Msottomen^. He earries a native guHar on his book, and a bmuSe ofbattads in his hand. REOrr,— NankiPoo. ^.-,. Gentlemen, I pny you tell me, Where a lovely maiden dwelleth, Named Yum-Tnm, the ward of Ko-Eo T In pity speak — oh speak, I pray you ! A NoBLB. Why who are you who ask this que8ti- '■"'■i -;■ TbbThrbb. TRIO. r^Yvu-Yvn, Pbep-Bo, Pitti-Sihg. Three little inaideiui from school are we. Pert as a school girl well can be, Filled to the brim with girlish glee, Three little maids from school ! Everything is a source of fun. (Chuckle:) Nobody's safe, for we care for none ! (ChtuskU.) Life is a joke that's just begun ! (Chiiekle.) Three little maidens from school I Three little maids who, all unwary, I Come from a ladies' seminary, I Freed from its genius tutelary — Thb Thbbb (modenl^ d&mure). Three little maids from school t YUM-YUM. Pbbp-Bo. \ PlTTI-SlNG. Thb Thrbb. All {domd/ng). YUM-YUM. Pbbp-Bo. PiTTI-SlNG. Thb Thbbb. YUM-YUM. Pbbp-Bo. PiTTl-SlKO. Thb Thbbb. One little maid is a bride, Yum- Yum — Two little maids in attendance come — Three little maids is the total sum. Three little maids from school ! From three little maids take one away — Two little maids remain, and they — Won't have to wait very long, they say — Three little maids from school ! All {dancing) Three little maids who, all unwary, Oome from a ladies' seminary. Freed from its genius tutelary — Thb Thrbb {suddenly demure). Three little maids from school t Kg. At last, my bride that is to be ! {Ahoui to smbrttce h«r.) Yum. You're not going to kiss me before all thfise people t Ko. Well, that was the idea. YoM. {ande to Pbbp-Bo). It seems odd, don't it. Pbbp. It's rather peculiar. PiTTi. Oh, I expect it's all right. Must have a beginning, you know. Yum. WeU, of course I know nothing about these things ; but I've no objection if it's usual. Kg. Oh, it's quite usual, I think. Eh, Lord Chamberlain t (Ap- peaHng to Pooh- Bah.) PooH. I have known it done. (Ko-Ko embraeee her,) that'ij heme anl anl onl yol m fondly thuB— {kiss) rr would kiss -I ^° > fondly thus — {kiss) But as I'm engaged to Ko-ko, To embrace you thus, conJuacOf Would distinctly be no gioco, And for yam I should get toco — Toco, toco, toco, toco ! :,''<^f'i^'v-iaff!P''*W''>*'^ 17 JSajsk, ,So, m spite of all temptatioiif Such a theme I'll not discuss, And on no consideration Will I kiss you fondly thus — {kissing her) Let me make it clear to you, This, oh this, oh this, oh this — {kissing her) This is what I'll never do ! {Exeunt in opposite directions.) Enter Ko-Ko. Ko. {Looking after Yum- Yum). There she goes ! To think how entirely my future happiness is wrapped up in that little parcel 1 Really, it hardly seems worth while ! Oh, matrimony ! — {Enter Pooh- Bah AND PisH-TusH.) Now, then, what is it ? Can't you see I'm soliloquizing 1 You have interrupted an apostrophe, sir ! Pish. — I am the bearer of a letter from His Majesty the Mikado. Ko. {Taking it from him reverentially.) A letter from the Mikado ! What in the world can he have to say to me? {Beads letter.) Ah, here it is at last ! I thought it would come ! The Mikado is struck by the fact that no executions have taken place in Titipu for a year, and decrees that unless somebody is beheaded within one month, the post of Lord High Executioner shall be abolished and the city reduced to the rank of a village ! Pish. But that will involve us all in irretrievable ruin ! Ko. Yes. There's no help for it, I shall have to execute some- body. The only question is, who shall it be ? Pooh. Well, it seems unkind • to say so, but as you're already under sentence of death for flirting, everything seems to point to you. Ko. To me? What are you talking about? I can't execute myself, Becorder ! , Pooh. Why not? Ko. Why not ? Because, in the first place, self-decapitation is an extremely d^cult, not to say dangerous, thing to attempt ; and, in the second, it's isuicide, and suicide is a capital offence. Pooh. That is so, no doubt Pish. We might reserve that point. PooH. True, it could be argued six months hence, before the full Court. Ko. Besides, I don't see how a man can cut off his own head. Pooh. A man might try. Pish. Even if you only succeed in cutting half it off, that would be something. PooH. It would be taken as an earnest of your desire to comply with the Imperial will. Ko. Mo. Pardon me, but there I am adamant. As official Headsman, my reputation is at stake, and I can't consent to embark on a professional operation unless I see my way to a successful result. 2 18 Pooh. This professional conscientiousness is highly creditable to you, but it places us in a very awkward position. Ko. My dear sir, the awkwardness of your position is grace itself compared with that of a man engaged in the act of cutting off his own head. Pish. I am afraid that, unless you can obtain a substitute Ko. A substitute ? Oh, certainly — nothing easier {to Pooh-Bah) Pooh-Bah, I appoint you my substitute. Pooh. I should like it above all things. Such an appointment would realize my fondest dreams. But no, at any sacrifice, I must set bounds to my insatiable ambition ! Ko-Ko. My brain it teems With endless schemes. Both good and new For Titipu ; But if I flit, The benefit That I'd diffuse The town would lose ! Now every man To aid his clan Should plot and plan As well as he can, And so Although I'm ready to go, Yet recollect 'Twere disrespect Did I neglect To thus effect This aim direct, So I object — So I object — So I object — All. TRIO. Pooh-Bah, I am so proud. If I allowed My family pride To be my guide, I'd volunteer To quit this sphere Instead of you, In a minute or two. But family pride Must be denied, And set aside, And mortified, And so Although I wish to go, And greatly pine To brightly shine. And take the line Of a hero fine. With grief condign I must decline — I must decline — I must decline — Pish-Tush. I heard one day, A gentleman say That criminals who Are cut in two Can hardly feel The fatal steel, And so are slain Without much pain. • If this is true It's jolly for you ; Your courage screw To bid us adieu, And go And show Both friend and foe How much you dare. I'm quite aware It's your affair, Yet I declare I'd take your share. But I don't much care— I don't much care — I don't much care — To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock, In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock, Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock, From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block ! Exeunt all hut Ko-Ko. ■life. "^ Ko. This is simply appalling ! I, who allowed myself to be leApited at the last moment, simply in order to benefit my native tami^ am now required to die within a month,. and that by a man wh«9i I have loaded with honours ! Is this public gratitude ? Is '%kM.'; ilMik 19 „.:^.«- this — {Enter Nanki-Poo toUh a rope in his hands) Go away, sir ! how dare you ? Am I nover to be permitted to soliloquize ? Nank. Oh, go on — don't mind me. Kg. What are you going to do with tbat rope ? Nank. I am about to terminate an unendurable existence. Kg. Terminate your existence ? Oh, nonsense ! What for? Nank. Because you are going to marry the girl I adore. Kg. Nonsense, sir. I won't permit it. I am a humane man, and if you attempt anything of the kind I shall order your instant arrest. Oome, sir, desist at once, or I summon my guard. Nank. That's absurd. If you attempt to raise an alarm, I in- stantly perform the Happy Despatch with this dagger. Kg. No, no, don't "do that. This is horrible ! (Suddenly.) Why, you cold-blooded scoundrel, are you aware that, in taking your life, you are committing a crime which — which — which is — Oh ! (Strtiek by an idea.) Nank. What's the matter 1 Kg. Is it absolutely certain that you are resolved to die ? Nank. Absolutely ? Kg. Will nothing shake your resolution ? Nank. Nothing. Kg. Threats, entreaties, prayers — all useless ? Nank. All. My mind is made up. Kg. Then, if you really mean what you say, and if you are abso- lutely resolved to die, and if nothing whatever will shake your deter- mination — don't spoil yourself by committing suicide, but be beheaded handsomely at the hands of the Public Executioner ! Nank. I don't see how that would benefit me. Ko. You don't 1 Observe : you'll have a month to live, and you'll live like a fighting cock at my expense. When the day comes there'll be a grand public ceremonial — you'll be the central figure — no one will attempt to deprive you of that distinction. There'll be a procession — bands — dead march — bells tolling — all the girls in tears Yum- Yum distracted — then, when it's all over, general rejoicings, and a display of fireworks in the evening. You won't see them, but they'll be there all the same. Nank. Do you think Yum- Yum would really be distracted at my death ? Kg. I am convinced of it. Bless you, she's the most tender- hearted little creature alive. Nank. I should be sorry to cause her pain. Perhaps, after all, if I were to withdraw from Japan, and travel in Europe for a couple of yearS) I might contrive to forget her. Kg. Oh, I don't think you could forget Yum-Yum so easily, and, A^fter all, what is more miserable than a love-blight> d life 1 ^ Nank. True. if^m ■■^*:. ■■■a: , ■! ■I 20 Ko. Life without Yum-Yum — why it seems absurd I Namk. And yet there are a good many people in the world who have to endure it. Ko. i*oor devils, yes ! You are quite right not to be of their number. Nank. (Suddenly.) I won't be of their number ! Ko. Noble fellow ! Nank. I'll tell you how we'll manage it. Let me marry Yum- Yum to-morrow, and in a month you may behead me. Ko. No, no. I draw the line at Yum-Yum. Nank. Very good. If you can draw the line so can I (Preparing rope), Ko. Stop, stop — ^listen one moment — be reasonable. How can I oonsent to your marrying Yum-Yum if I'm going to marry her my- self? Nank. My good friend, she'll be a widow in a month, and you can marry her then. Ko. That's true, of course. I quite see that, but, dear me, my {position during the next month will be most unpleasant — most un- pleasant ! Nank. Not half so unpleasant as my position at the end of it. Ko. But — dear me — well — I agree — after all, it's only putting off my wedding for a month. But you won't prejudice her against me, will you ) You see I've educated her to be my wife ; she's been taught to regard me as a wise and good man. Now I shouldn't like her views on that point disturbed. Nank. Trust me, she shall never learn the truth from me. FINALE. Snter Chorus^ Pooh-Bah, and Pish-Tush. CHORUS. With aspect stern And gloomy stride, ' We come to learn , How you decide. Don't hesitate Your choice to name, A dreadful fate You'll suffer all the same. Pooh. To ask you what you mean to do we punctually appear. Ko. Congratulate me, gentlemen, I've found a Volunteer ! All. The Japanese equivalent for Hear, Hear, Hear ! Ko. {Presenting him.) 'Tis Nanki-Pooh ! All. Hail Nanki-Pooh ! Ko. I think he'll do ? All. Yes, yes, he'll do ! 21 Ko. He yields his life if I'll Yum-Yum surrender Now I adore that girl with passion tender, And could not yield her with a ready will, Or her allot. If I did not Adore myself with passion tenderer still ! All. Ah, yes ! He loves himself with passion tenderer still ! Ko. (to Nanki-Fog). Take her — she's yours ! UrUer Yum-Yum, Peep Bo, and Fitti-Sino. Nank. and Yum-Yum. Oh, rapture ! ENSEMBLE. Yum-Yum and Nanki-Poo. The threatened cloud has passed away And brightly shines the dawning day ; What though the night may come too soon. There's yet a month of afternoon ! Then let the throng Our joy advance. With laughing song. And merry dance, With joyous shout and ringing cheer, Inaugurate our brief career ! Chorus. Then let the throng, &c. PiTTi-SiNG. A day, a week, a month, a year — Or be it far, or be it near. Life's eventime comes much too soon. You'll live at least a honeymoon ! All. Then let the throng, &c. SOLO.— Fooh-Bah. As in three weeks you've got to die. If Ko-Ko tells us true, 'Twere empty compliment to cry Long life to Nanki-Foo ! But as you've got three weeks to livo As fellow citizen. This toast with three times three we'll give — " Long life to you — till then I" .^••■5i.«Ji 22 I Chorus. May all good fortune prosper you, May you have health and riches too, May you succeed in al) you do, Long life to you — till then ! Dance. ErUer Katisha melodramatically. VLat. Your revels cease — assist me all of you ! Ohorus. Why, who is this whose evil eyes Bain blight on our festivities 1 Kat. I claim my perjured lover, Nanki-Poo ! Oh, fool, to shun delights that never cloy ! Come back, oh, shallow fool ! come back to joy ! Chorus. Go, leave thy deadly work undone ! Away, away ! ill-favoured one ! Nank (Aside to Yum- Yum). Ah ! Tis Katisha ! The maid of whom I told you (About to go). Kat. (Detaining him.) No ! You shall not go, These arms shall thus enfold you ! SONG.— Katisha. (Addressing Nanki-Poo.) Oh fool, that fleest My hallowed joys ! Oh blind, that seest No equipoise ! Oh rash, that judgest From half, the whole ! Oh base, that grudgest Love's lightest dole ! Thy heart unbind, Oh, fool, oh blind ! Give me my place, Oh rash, oh base ! Chorus. If she's thy bride, restore her place, Oh, fool, oh blind, oh rash, oh base ! 23 Kkt. {Addrearing Yum- Yum.) Pink cheek, that rulest Where wisdom serves ! Bright eye, that foolest Steel-tempered nerves ; Rose-lip, that scornest Lore-laden years ; Sweet tongue, that wamest Who rightly hears — Thy doom is nigh, Pink cheek, bright eye ! Thy knell is rung, , ; Rose-lip, sweet tongue. Chorus. If true her tale, thy knell is rung. Pink cheek, bright eye, rose-lip, sweet tongue ! PiTTi-SiNG. Away, nor prosecute your quest — From our intention well expressed, You cannot turn us ! The state of your connubial views Towards the person you accuse Does not concern us ! For he's going to marry Yum- Yum — All. Yum-Yum ! to go). PiTTI. Your anger pray bury, For all will be mer.y, I think you had better succumb — All. Cumb — cumb ! PlTTI. All. And join our expressions of glee. On this subject I pray you be dumb- Dumb — dumb. PiTTI. You'll find there are many Who'll wed for a penny — The word for your guidance is, " Mum " — All. Mum — mum ! PiTTL There's lots of good fish in the sea ! All. There's lots of good fish in the sea ! And you'll find there are many, to make a pretty bride ! SOLO.— PiTTI-SlNG. Sit with downcast eye — Let it brim with dew — Try, if you can cry — We will do so, too. When you're summoned, atari, Like a frightened roe — Flutter, little heart. Colour, come and go 1 Modesty at marriage tide Well becomes a pretty bride i Chorus. Braid the raven hftir, etc. [Exewnt Chorm. 26 . ' TuM. {Looking at herself in the glass). Yes, I am indeed beautiful ! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world 1 Can this be vanity 1 No ! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother. Song — Yum- Yum. The sun, whose rays Are all ablaze With ever living glory, Does not deny His majesty — He scorns to tell a story ! He don't exclaim "I blush for shame, So kindly be indulgent." But, fierce and bold. In fiery gold, He glories all effulgent ! I mean to rule the earth, As he the sky — We really know our worth, The sun and I ! Observe his flame, That placid dame, The moon's Celestial Highness ; There's not a trace Upon her face Of diffidence or shyness : She borrows light That, through the night, . Mankind may all acdaim her ! And, truth to tell. She lights up well. So I, for one, don't blame her ! Ah, pray make no mistake, We are not shy ; We're very wide awake, The moon and I ? Yum. Yes, everything seems to smile upon me. I am to be married to-day to the man I love best, and I believe I am the very happiest girl m Japan ! indeed kpaaese [xiy else lovely id take 27 Peep. The happiest girl indeed, for she is indeed to be envied who has attained happiness in all but perfection. Yum. In " all but " perfection ? Peep. Well, dear, it can't be denied that the fact that your hus- band is to be beheaded in a month is, in its way, a drawback. PiTTi. I don't know about that. It all depends ! Peep. At all events, he will find it a draw back. PiTTi. Not necessarily, Bless you, it all depends ! Yum. {In tears.) I think it very indelicate of you to refer to such a subject on i;uch a day. If my married happiness is to be — to be — Peep. Cut short. Yum. Well, cut short — in a month can't you let me forget it ? ( Weeping.) Enter 'Naski-'Poo followed by Pish-Tush. Nank. Yum- Yum in tears — and on her wedding mom ! Yum. (Sobbing.) TheyVe been reminding me that in a month you're to be beheaded ! {Bursts into tears.) PiTTi. Yes, we've been reminding her that you're to be behead- ed. (^Bursts into tears.) Peep. It's quite true, you know, you are to be beheaded ! (Bursts into tears.) Nask. (Aside ) Humph ! How some bridegrooms would be depressed by this sort of thing ! (Aloud) A month 1 Well, what's a month 1 Bah ! These divisions of time are purely arbitrary Who says twenty four hours make a day ) PiTTi. There's a popular impression to that effect. Nakk. Then well eff.;ce it. We'll call each second a minute — each minute an hour — each hour a day— each day a year. At that rate we've about thirty years of married happiness before us ! Peep. And at that rate, this interview has already lasted four hours and three quarters ! (Exit Peep-Bo.) Yum. (Still sobbing.) Yes. How time flies when one is thoroughly enjoying one's self ! . Nank. That's the way to look at it ! Don't let's be downheart- ed ! There's a silver lining to every cloud. Yum. Certainly. Let's — let's be perfectly happy ! (Almost in ears.) Pish. By all means. Let's-^let's thoroughly enjoy ourselves. 28 Pitn. It's— it's absnrd to cry ! {Trying to farce a laugh.)' Yum. — Quite ridiculous ! {Trying to laugh.) {All break into a forced and melancholy laugh.) QUARTETTE. v TuM-TuM, PiTTi-SiNG, Nanki-Poo, and Pish-Tush. Brightly dawns our wedding day ; Joyous hour, we give thee greeting i Whither, whither art thou fleeting 1 Fickle moment, prithee stay ! What though mortal joys be hollow t Pleasures come, if sorrows follow : Though the tocsin sound, ere long. Ding dong ! Ding dong ! Tet until the shadows fall Over one and over all. Sing a merry madrigal— A madrigal ! Fal-la — fal-la ! Ac. {Ending in tears.) Let us dry the ready tear. Though the hours are surely creeping, Little need for woeful weeping. Till the sad sundown is near. All must sip the cup of sorrow — I to-day and thou to-morrow : This the close of every song — Ding dong ! Ding dong ! What, though solemn shadows fall. Sooner, later, over all t Sing a merry madrigal — A madrigal ! Fal-la— fttl-la ! Ac. {Endi/wf in teare.) [Exeunt Pitti-Sing and Pibh-Tdbh. Kamki-Poo embraces Yum- Yum. — Enter Ko-Ko — Nanki-Foo releasee Yum- Yum. Ko. Go on — don't mind me. N^ank. I'm afraid we're distressing you^ Ko. Never mind, I must get used to it. Only please do it by degrees. Begin by putting your arm around her waist (Nanki-Poo does so.) There ; let me i;et used to that first. Yum. Oh, wouldn't yon like to retire 1 It must pain you to see us 80 affectionate together ! 29 Ku. No, I must learn to bear it ! Now oblige me by aUowing .her head to rest on your shoulder. {He do«» so — Ko-Ko much affieted.) I am much obliged to you. Now — ^kiss her ! {He does so — Ko-Ko urrithes wUh anguish.) Thank you — it's simple tortute ! TuM. Come, come, bear up. After all, it's only for a month. Ko. No. It's no use deluding oneself with false hopes. YoM^ i What do you mean 1 Ko. {To YuM-YuM.) My child— my poor child. {Aside) How «hall I break it to her 1 {Aloiid) My little bride that was to have been — Yum. {Delighted) Was to have been ! Ko. Yes, you never can be mine ! Yum. {In eestacy) What ! ! ! Ko. I've just ascertained that, by the Mikado's law, when a married man is beheaded his wife is buried alive. Ko. Buried alive. It's a most unpleasant death. Namk. But whom did you get that from ) Ko. Oh, from Pooh-BaL He's my solicitor. Yum. But he may be mistaken ? Ko. So I thought, so I consulted the Attorney-General, the Lord Chief Justice, the Master of the Rolls, the Judge Ordinary, and the Lord Chancellor. They're all of the same opinion. Never knew such unanimity on a point of law in my life ! * Nank. But stop a bit ! This law has never been put in force 1 Ko. Not yet. You see flirting is the only crime punishable with decapitation, and married men never flirt. Nank. Of course, they don't. I quite forgot that ! Well, I suppose I may take it that my dream of happiness is at an end ) Yum. Darling — I don't want to appear seldsb, and I love you with all my heart — I don't suppose I shall ever love anybody else half as much — but when I agreed to marry you — my own — I had no idea — pet — that I should have to be buried alive in a month ! Nanf. Nor I ! It's the very first I've heard of it ! Yum. It makeis a difference, don't it 1 Nank. It does make a difference, of course ! so 'Yum. You see — burial alive — it's such a stuffy death T You see ■^my difficulty, don't you f Nank. Yes, and I see my own. If I insist on your carrying out your promise, I doom you to a hideous death ; if I release you, you marry Ko-Ko at once ! ;; ,, ,> TEIO. — YuM-YuM, Nanki-Poo, and Ko-Ko. Yum. Here's a how-de-do ! If I marry you, When your time has come to perish. Then the maiden whom you cherish Must be slaughtered, too ! Here's a how-de-do ! Nank. Here's a pretty mess ! In a month, or less, I must die without a wedding ! Let the ^jitter tears I'm shedding Witness my distress. Here's a pretty mess ! Ko. Here's a state of things ! To her life she clings ! Matrimonial devotion Doesn't seem to suit her notion — Burial it brings ! Here's a state of things ! ENSEMBLE. Yum- Yum and Nakki-Poo. With a passion that's intense I worship and adore, But the laws of common sense We oughtn't to ignore. If what he says is true, It is death to mairy you ! Here's a pretty state of things ! Here's a pretty how-de-do ! Ko-Ko. With a passion that's intense You worship and adore, But the laws of common sense You oughtn't to ignore. If what I say is true, It is death to marry you ! Here's a pretty state of things Here's a pretty how-de-do ! [Exit Yum- Yum. Ko. {Going up to Nanki-Poo). My poor boy, I'm really very sorry for you. Nank. Thanks, old fellow. I'm sure you are. Ko. You see I'm quite helpless. Nank. I quite see that. Yon see lying out rou, you :il Ko. I can't conceive anything more distressing than to have one's marriage broken off at the last moment. But you shan't be disap- pointed of a wedding — you shall come to mine. Nakk. It's awfully kind of you, but that's impossible. Ko. Why so ? Nank. To-day I die. Ko. What do you mean t Nank. I can't live without Yum- Yum. This afternoon I per- form the Happy Despatch. Ko. No, no — pardon me — I can't allow that. Nank. Why not ? Ko. Why, hang it all, you're under contract to die by the hand of the Public Executioner in a month's time ! If you kill yourself, what's to become of me ! Why, I shall have to be executed in ypur place ! Nank. It would certainly seem so ! Enter Pooh-Bah. Ko. Now then. Lord Mayor, what is it ? Poo. The Mikado and his suite are approaching the city, and will be here in ten minutes. Ko. The Mikado ! He's coming to see whether his orders have been carried out! (To Nan ki -Poo.) Now look here, you know — this is getting serious — a bargain's a bargain, and you really mustn't frustrate the ends of justice by committing suicide. As a man of honour and a gentleman, you are bound to die ignominiously by the hands of the Public Executioner. Nank. Very well, then — behead me. Ko. What, now? Nank. Certainly ; at once. Ko. My good sir, I don't go about prepared to execute gentlemen at a moment's notice. Why, I never even killed a blue-bottle ! PooH. Still, as Lord High Executioner, Ko. My good sir, as Lord High Executioner I've got to behead him in a month. I'm not ready yet. I don't know how it's done. I'm going to take lessons. I mean to begin with a guinea pig, and work my way through the animal kingdom till I como to a Second Trombone. Why, you don't suppose that, as a humane man, I'd have accepted the post of Lord High Kxecutioner if I kidn't thought the duties were purely nominal ? I can't kill you — I can't kill anything ! ( Weepg.) 32 Nank. dome, my poor fellow, we all have unpleasant duties to discharge at times; after all, what is it? If I don't mind, why should you ? Remember, sooner or later it must be done. Kg. {Springing up suddenly.) Mv^t it t I'm not sure about that ! i Nank. What do you mean ? Ko. Why should I kill you when making an affidavit that you've been executed will do just as well ? Here are plenty of witnesses — the Lord Ghief Justice and Lord High Admiral, Commander-in-Chief, Secretary of State for the Home Department, First Lord of the Treasury, and Chief Commissioner of Police. They'll all swear to it — won't you ? {To Pooh-Bah.) PooH. Am I to understand that all of us high Officers of State are required to perjure ourselves to ensure your safety 1 Ko. Why not t You'll be grossly insulted, as usual. Pooh. Will the insult be cash down, or at a date 1 Ko. It will be a ready -money transaction. Pooh. (Aside.) Well, it will be useful discipline, fjlfowrf.) Very good. Choose your fiction, and I'll endorse it ! {Aside.) Ha! ha ! Family Pride, how do you like that^ my buck ? Nank. But I tell you that life without Yum- Yum — Ko. Oh, Yum- Yum, Yum-Yum ! Bother Yum- Yum ! Here, Commissionaire {to Pooh-Bah), go and fetch Yum-Yum. {Exii Pooh- Bah.) Take Yum-Yum and marry Yum-Yum, only go away and never come back again. {Enter Pooh- Bah with Yum-Yum a/nd Pitti- SiNG.) Here she is. Yum-Yum, are you particularly busy ? Yum. Not particularly. Ko. You've five minutcts to spare ? Yum. Yes. Ko. Then go along with his Grace the Archbishop of Titipn; he'll marry you at once. Yum. But if I'm to be buried alive ? Ko. Now don't ask any questions, but do as I tell you, and Nanki-poo will explain all. Nank. But one moment — Ko. Not for worlds. Here comes the Mikado, no doubt to ascertain whether I've obeyed his decree, and if he finds you alive, I shall have the greatest difficulty in persuading him that I've beheaded you. {Exeunt Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum followed by Pooh-Baa) Close thing that, for here he comes ! March. — Enter procession, heralding Mikado, with Katisha Kat. MiK. KA-r. All. MiK. Kat. MlH. »8 CHORUS. (" March of ihfi Mikadcfs troops.^*) Miya sama, miya sama, . On ma no may^ ni Pira-Pira sum no wa Nan gia na Tuko tonyar^ tonyar^ na DUET. — Mikado and Katisha. Mikado. Kat. MiK. Kat. All. MlH. Kat. MlH. From every kind of man Obedience I expect ; I'm the Emperor of Japan — And I'm his daughter-in-law elect ! He'll marry his son (He has only jjot one) To his daughter-in-law elect. My morals have been declared Particularly correct ; fiut thfy Hre nothing at all, compared With thrse of his daughter-in-law elect ! Bow — Bow — To his daughter-in-law elect ! Bow — Bow — To his daughter-in-law elect. In a frttherly kind of way I govern each tribe and sect, All cheerfully own my sway — • Except his daughter-in-law elect ! As tough Hs a bone, With a will of her own, Is his daughter-in-law elect ! My nature is love and light — My freedom from all defect— KAt. All. 34 Is insignificant quite, Gonipareil with his daughter in-law elect; Bow ! Bow ! To his daughter-in-law elect ! Bow ! Bow ! To his daugliter-in-'aw elect. SONG.— Mikado. A more humane Mikado never Did in Japan exint, To nobody second, I'm certainly reckoned A true philanthropist. It is my very humane endeavour To make to some extent, Each evil liver A running rivor Of harmless merriment. My object all sublime I shall achieve in time — To let the punishment fit the crime- - The punishment tit the crime : And make each prisoner pent Unwillingly represent A source of innocent merriment, Of innocent merriment ! All posy dull society sinners, \Vho chatter and bleat and bore, Are hent tp hear sermons From mystical Oernmns Who preach from ten till four, 1'he amateur tennr, whose vocal villanies All desire to shirk, Shall, during iff-hours, Exhiiiit hin powers To Madame Tussaud's waxwork. The lady who dyes a chemical yellow, Or stains hiT grey hair puce. Or pinclieH her figure, Ih blacked like a niggar With permanent walnut juice. E attti I Lor Dei I myi 86 The idiot who, in railway carriages, Scribbles oii window panes, We only sutfer. To ride on a buffer In Parliameutai-y trains. My object all sublime, &o. The advertising quack who wearies With talett of countless cures, His tee'li, I've enacted Shull all l)e extracted By terrified amateura. The music hall singer attends a series Of masKes and lugm s and " ops " By Barh, interwoven With Spohr and Beethoven, At classical Monday Pops. The billiard sharp whom any one catches, His doom's extremely hanl — He's made to dwell — In a dungeon cell On a spot that's always barred. And there he plays extravagant matches In fitless finger stalls On a cloth untrue With a twisted cue. And elliptical billiard balls ! My object all sublime, &c. {Enter Pooh-Bah, wfio hands a paper to Ko-Ko.) Ko. I am honoured in being permitted to welcome your Majesty. I guess the object of your Majesty's visit — your wishes have been attended to. The execution has taken place. MiK. So you've had an execution, have you 1 Ko. Yes. The Coroner has just handed me his certificate. Peon, I am the Coroner. (Ko-Ko hands certificate to Mikado.) MiK. {reads). " At Titipu, in the presence of the Lord Chancellor, Lord Chiff Justice, Atitorney General, Secretary of State for the Home Department, Lord Mayor and Groom of the Second Floor Front." Pooh. They were all present, your Majesty. I counted them myself. 36 MiK. Very good house. I wish I'd been in time for the performance. Kg. a tough fellow he was, too — a man of gigantic strength. His struggles weie terrific. It was really a remarkable scene. TRIO.— Ko-Ko, PiTTi-SiNo, amf Pooh-Bah. K.O. ' The criminal cried, as he dropped him down, In a state of wild alarm — With a frightful, frantic, fearful frown I bared my big right arm. I seized him by his little pig-tail, And on his knees fell he, As he sqniniied and struggled And gurgled and guggled, I drew my Huickersn* e ! Oh never shall I Forget the cry, Or the shriek that shrieked he, As 1 gnashed my t« eth, When from its sheath I drew my snickersnee : Chorus. Wo knew him well, He cannot tell Untrue or jjroundless tales — He always tries To utter lies. And every time he fails. PiTTi-SiNO. He shivered and (shook as he gave the sign For the btroke he didn't deserve ; When ad of a sudden his eye met mine, And it seemed to brace his nerve. For he nodded his head and kissed his hand, And he whistleii an air, did he, As the sabre true Cut cleanly through His cervical vertebrae ! When a man's afraid, A beautiful maid Is a cheering si.:ht to see. And it's oh, I'n> glad, That moment sad Was soothed by bight of me ! Pool it. 80 h 37 the bh. Chcrus. Hpf terrible tale ,, You can't assail, With truth it quite Hgreea ; Her taste exact For faultlesit fact Amounts to a disease. Pooh. Now though you'd have said that head was dead (For its owner dea'l was he), It stood on its neck with a smile well-bred, And bowed three tiin« s to mr ! It was none of your impudent off-hand nods, But as humble as could be. For it clearly kn^w ' The defennce due To a man of p'digne ! And it's oh, I vow, This deathly l>ow Was a touching sight to see ; Tliougli tiuiikless, yet It couldn't f.)«get The deference due to me ! Chorus. This haughty youth He speaks the tiuth Whenever lie finds it pays. And in this case • It hU took p'ace Exactly as he says ! [Exeunt Chorus. MiK. All this is very interesting, and I should like to have seen it. But we came about a totally ditTerent matter. A year ago, niy son, the heir to the throne of Japan, bolted from our imperial court. Ko. Indeed) Had he any reason to be dissatisfied with his position 9 Kat. None whatever. On the contrary, I was going to marry him — ^yet he fled I Pooh. I am surprised that he should have fled from one so lovely I Kat. That's not true. You hold that I am not beautiful because my face is plain. But you know nothing ; you are still unenlightened. Learn, then, that it is not in the face abne that 38 be%nty is to b^ sou:;ht. But I liivo a left shr)ulder-bUde that is a miracle of loveliness. People c >m t miles to Rse it. My rig'it elbow has a fascination that few cm resist. It is on view Tuesdays and Friday;*, on presentation of visiting cirl. As for my circulation, it is the largest in the world. Observe thu ear. Kg. Large. Kat. Large ? Enormous ! But think of its delicate internal mechani<(m. It is franglit with beauty ! As for this tooth, it almost stands alone. Many have tried to draw it, but in vain. Ko. And yet he fled ! MiK. And is now masquerading in this town, disgaiaed as a second trombone. Ko. PoOH PlTTI :1 A second trombone ! MiK. Yes ; would it be troubling you too much if I asked you to pro luce him ? He goes by the name of Nauki-Poo. Ko, Oh, no; njt at all — only — MiK. Yes! Ko. It's rather awkward, but in point of fact, he's gone abroad ! MiK. Gone abroad ? Uis address ! Ko. Kuightsbridge ! Kat. (who is r jading certificate q/ death.) Ha ! MiK. What's the matter 1 Kat. See here — his name — Nanki-Poo — b3headed this morning. Oh, where shall I find another ! Where shall I find another I (Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sino, fall on their kneeg.) MiK. [looking at paper.) Dear, dear, dear ; this is very tiresome. To Ko-Ko.) My poor fellow, in your anxiety to carry out my wishes you have beheaded the heir to the throne of Japan I ( Ko. But I assure you we hnd no idea — J Pnnn gut, indeed, we didn't know — We really hadn't the least notion — MiK. Oi course you hadn't. How could you ? Come, come, my good fellow, don't distress yourself — it was no fault of youi'S. If a man of exalted rank choosns to dtsiuise himself as a second trombon*^*, he must take the consequences. It really disti esses me to see you take on so. I've no doubt he thoroughly deserved all he got. (they ri$e.) Together. I Pooh. ( PiTTI. 39 a >w id it lal Ut a to 1! E- Ko. We are inOnitely obliged to your Majesty-^ MiK. Obliged ? not a bit. Don't mention it. How could jou tell 1 Pooh. No, of course we couldn't know that he was the Heir Apparent. Pirn. It wasn't written on his forehead, you know. Ko. It might have been on bis pocket handkerchief, but Japanese don't use pocket-handkerchiefs ! Ua ! ha ! ha ! MiK. Ha! ha! ha! {To Kat.) I forget the punishment for compassing the death of the Heir Apparent. Ko. j PtK)M. V Punishment ! (T/iey drop down on their knees again.) PiTTI. I MiK. Yes. Something lins;ering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy. Something of that sort. 1 think boiling oil occurs in it, but I'm not sure. I know it is something humorous, but lingering, with either boiling oil or melted lead. Gome, come, don't fret — I'm not a bit angry. Ko. {in abject terror.) If youv Majesty will accept our assurance, we had no idea — MiK. Of course you hadn't. That's the pathetic part of it. Unfortunately the fool of an act says " compassing the death of the Heir Apparent. ' There's not a word about a mistake, or not know ing, or having no notion. Th^re should be, of course, but there isn't. That's the (slovenly way in whiih these acts are drawn. However, cheer up, it'll be all right. I'll have it altered next session. Ko. What's the good of that ? MiK. Now let's see — will after luncheon suit you? Can you wait till tlien t Kb., PiTTi, and Pooh. Oh yes — we can wait till then ! MiK. Then we'll make it after luncheon. I'm really very sorry for you all, but it's an unjust world, and virtue is triumphant only in theatrical performances. GLEE. Mikado, Katisha, Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sino. Mil. and Kat. See how (he Fates their gifts allot, For A is happy — B is not. Yet B is worthy, I dare say. Of more prosperity than A ! 40 JKo., Pooh, and Pitti. MiK. and Kat. Ensemble. Ko., Pooh, and Pitti. MiK. and Kat Ko.j. Pooh, ami Pitti. Is B more worthy ? I should say He's worth a great deal more than A. Yet A is happy I ( )h so happy ! Laughing. Hal ha! Chaffing, Ha ! ha ! Nectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha I ha^l Ever joyous, ever gay, Happy, undeserving A ! If I were Fortune — which I'm not — B should enjoy A's happy lot, And A should die in misery, That is assuming I am B. But sliould A perish ? That should he, (Of course assuming I am li). B should be iiappy ! Oh so Iiappy ! LRU^hing, Ha ! ha ! Chaffing, Ha I ha ! Nectar quaffing, Ha ! ha! ha! ha! But Cdndemned to die is he, Wretched, meritorious B I \ExevM Mikado and Katisha. Ko. Well ! a nice mess you've got us into, with your nodding head and the deference due to a man of pedigiree ! Pooh. Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistio veri- similitude to a bald and unconvincing narmtive. Pitti. Corroborative detail indeed ! Corroborative fiddlestick. Ko. And you are just as bad as he is with your cock-and-a-buli stories about catching his eye, and his whistling an air. But that's so like you ! You must put in your oar ! Pooh. But how about your big right arm ? Pitti. Yes, and your snickersnee 1 Ko. Well, well, never mind tha^ now. There's only one thing to be done. Nanki-Foo hasn't started yet — he must come to life again at once — {enUr Nanki-Poo and Yum- Vum prepared forjoutmy), here he comes. Here, Nunki-Poc, I've good news for you — youVo reprieved. Nank. Oh, but h's too late. I'm a dead man, and I am off for my honeymoon. 41 Ko. >{onsense. A terrible thing has just happened. It you're the Kon of the Mikado. I^AKK. Yes, but that happened some time ago. Ko. Is this a time for airy persiflage ? Your father is here, and with Katibha ! Nank. My father ? And with Katisha ? Ko. Yes, he wants you particularly. FooH. So does she. Yum. Oh, but he's married now. Ko. But bless my heart, what has that to do with it ? Nank. Katislia claims me in marriage, but 1 can't marry her because I'm niarrit'd alnady — confiequemly she will insist on my execution, and it' I'm executed my wife will have to be buried alive. Yum. You see our difficulty. Ko. Yes, I don't know what's to be done. Nank, There's one chnnce for you. If you could persuade Kntisha to marry you, she would have no further claim on me, and in that case I could come to life without any fear of being ^ut to death. Ko. I marry Katisha ! Yum. I really think it's the only course. Ko. But, my good girl, have you seen her? She's something appalling- ? PiTTi. Ah, that's only her face. She has a left elbow which people coK.ie miles to see ! Pooh. I am told that her right heel is much admired by connois- seurs. Ko. My good sir, I decline to pin my heart upon any lady's right heel. Nank. It comes to this : While Katisha is single, I prefer to be a disembodied spirit. Wiien Katisha is married, existence will be as welcome as the flowers in spring. DUET. r Nanki-Poo and Ko-Ko. NANK./The flowers that bloom in the spring, / Tra la, / Breathe promise of mt-rry sunshine — I As w* merrily dance and we sing, \^ Tra la, ». <.■'■ ...-.Jf \ AlA. 42 We welcome the hope that they bring, Trala, Of a summrr of rosea and wine ; And thrtt's what we niefin wlien we say that a thing Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring. Tra la la la la la, &c. And that's M'hat we mean, Vhen hope is gone Dost thou stay onl Why linger here, Where all is drear ? May not a cheated maiden die t 43 ) Ko. (Approy pupil — just as his education was on the point of completion ? Oh, where shall I find another 1 Ko. {Suddenly and with great vehemence.) Here ! — Here I Kat. What ! ! ! Ko. {With intense potion.) Katisha, for years 1 have loved you with a white-hot passion that is slowly but surely consuming my very vitals ! Ah, shrink not from me ! If there is aught of woman's mercy in your heart, turn not away from a love-sick suppliant whose every fibre thrills at your tiniest touch ! True it is that, under a poor mask of disgust, I have endeavored to conceal a passion whose inner fires are broilin;; the soul within me. But the fire will not be smothered — it defies all attempts at extinction, and, breaking forth, all the more eagerly for its long restraint, it declares itself in words that will not be weighed — that cannot be schooled — that should not be too severely criticised. Katisha, I dare not hope for your love — but I will nok live without it ! Kat. You, whose hands still reek with the blood of my betrothed^ dare to address words of passion to the woman you have so foully wronged I Ko. I do — accept my love, or I perish on the spoli ! Kat. Go to ! Who knows so well as I that no one ever yet died of a broken heart ! Ko. You know not what you say. Listen 1 y. SONG.— Ko-Ko. A On a tree by a river a little torn-tit / Sang « Willow, titwillow, titwillow !" '. And I said to him, " Picky bird, why do you sit I Singing ' Willow, titwillow, titwillow f y " Is it weakness of intellect, birdie t" 1 cried, \ 'S 44 " Or a rather tough worm in your little inside ! *' With a shake of liis poor little head he replied, " Oh willow, titwillow, titwiliow ! " He slap(>ed at his chest, as he sat on that bough. Singing " Willow, titwillow, titwillow 1 " And a cold |)er.spiration bespangled his brow, Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow ! I He sobbed and he sighed, and a gurgle he gave, \ Then he threw hiiuKeinnto the billowy wave, \ And an echo aro>-e from the suicide's crave— y " Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow ! " I^ow I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name Isn't Willow, titwillow, titwillow. That 'twas blighted afr<-ctioa that made him exclaim, " Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow ! " And if you remain callous and olidurate, I Shall perish as he did, and you will know why, Though I |irobal)]y shall not exclaim as I die, " Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow ! " (During this song Katisiia has been greatly affected, and at the end is almost in itars.) Kat. {whimpering.') Did he really die of love ? Ko. He really did. Kat. All on account of a cruel little hen ? Ko. Yes. Kat. Poor little chap 1 Kg. It's an affecting tale, and quite true. I knew the bird intimately. Kat. Did you ? He must have been very fond of her ! * Ko. His devotion was something extraordinary. Kat. {still whimpering.") Poor little chap ! And — and if I refuse you, will you go and do the same ? Ko. At once. Kat. No, no — you mustn't ! Anything but that I {falU on his breast.) Oh, I'm a silly little goose ! Ko. {making a wry face.) You are ! Kat. And you won't hate me because I'm just a little teeny weeny wee bit blood-thirsty, will you ? Ko. H thirstinesa Kat. Kat. Ka Kat. Ko. Bote Ko. Ka' Ko 45 ■ end bird li'use hia eny ..>- • Ko. Hate you \ Oh Katisha ! is there not beauty even in bicod- thirstiness f Kat. My idea exactly. DUET.— Ko-Ko and Katisha. Kat. There is beauty in the bellow of the blast, There is grandeur in the growling of the gale, Th«re is eloquent out-pouring When the lion is a-roaring, And the tiger is a-lashing of his tail ! Koi Yes, I like to see a tiger From the Congo or the Niger, And especially when lashing of his tail ! Kat. Volcanos have a fplendour that is grim, And earthquakes only terrify the dolts, But to him who's scientitic There's notliing that's terrific [n the falling of a flight of thunderbolts ! Ko. Yts, in spite of all my meekness, If 1 have a little weakness. It's a passion for a flight of thunderbolts. Both. If that is so, Sing derry down derry ! It's evident, very, Our tastes are one. Away we'll go, And merrily marry, Nor tardily tarry, 'Till day is done ! Ko. There is beauty in extreme old age — Do you fancy you are elderly enough ? Information I'm requesting On a subject intereniing : [s a maiden all the better when she's tough % Kat. Throughout this wide dominion It's the general opinion That she'll last a good deal longer when she's tough. Ko. Are you old enough to marry, do you think ? Won't you wait 'till you are eighty in the shade!' There's a fascination frantic In a ruin that's romantic ; Do you think you are sufficiently decayed: f V ' 46 y J Kay. ' To the matter that you mention I have givfn some attention, And I think I am sufficiently decayed. Both. If that is so, Sing derry down derry ! It's evidt-nt, very. Our tastes are one ! Away we'll go, And merrily marry, Nor tardily tarry Till day is done ! [Exeunt togetlier. (Flourish. Enter the Mikado, attended by Pi8h-Tu3H and Court.) MiK. Now then, we've had a capital lunch, and we're quite ready. Have ail the painful preparations been made ? PiSB.y^' Your Majesty, all is prepared. MiK. Then produce the unfortunate gentleman and his two well-meaning but misguided accomplices. (Etiter Ko-Ko, Katisha, PooH-BAn, and Pitti-Sino. They throw themselves at the Mikado' a Jeef.) Kat. Mercy ! Mercy for Ko-Ko ! Mercy for Pitti-Siug ! Mercy Ten for Pooh-Bah I MiK. I beg your pardon, I don't think I quite caught that remark. Kat. Mercy ! My husband that was to have been is dead, and I have just married this miserable object. MiK. Oh ! You've not been long about it ! Kg. Wo were married before the Registrar. Pooh. / am the Registrar. I IMiK. I see. But my difficulty is that, as you have slain the Heir-Apparent {Enter Nanki-Poo and Yum- Yum. They kneel) Nank. The Heir-A parent is not slain. M IK. Bless my heart, my son ! Yum. And your daughter-in-law elected ! Kat. (