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 'Cyv^cr^c-^ 
 
 ^jf ■,.^r":s >>;,.»..■ 
 
 -ei^-r 
 
 "NOT DEAD YET;" 
 
 4 
 
 U^■ 
 
 OR, 
 
 ly 
 
 THE SKATIIG CARNIVAL: 
 
 A FAKCE IN ONE ACT. 
 
 I 
 
 BY 
 
 SAM SCRIBBLE. 
 
 Author of " DOLORSOLATiO," &c., Ac. 
 
 fj (i^ir5^^er/bmiec2 «^ Theatre Royal, Montreal, 
 
 22nd February, 1865.) 
 
 
 P 
 
 ^ 
 
 ;; JOHN LOVELL, PRINTER, ST. NICHOLAS STREET. 
 I. 1865. 
 
 ij^Va^'-^^^-T^' 
 
 ■^p- 
 
 
 
OCrvb^Ce , Sckm. 
 
 T] 
 
 I 
 
NOT DEAD YET ; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE SKATING CAKNIVAL. 
 
 r 
 
"NOT DEAD YET;" 
 
 OH, 
 
 THE SKATING CARNIVAL: 
 
 A FARCE IN ONE ACT. 
 
 BY 
 
 sam scribble. 
 
 Author of "D0L0R80LATI0," Ac, Ac. 
 
 {First 2)er/onned at Theatre Royal, Montreal, 
 22nd February, 1865.) 
 
 JOHN LOVELL, PRL\TER, ST. NICHOLAS STREET. 
 
 1865. 
 
mm si.af 111 iaiJTiJ^ai, 
 
 DRAMATIS persons:. 
 
 l^ 
 
 Mr. D. T. DEmJOiis— {H'lrdirare—'' Mf and heavy:') 
 Mr. Kerosene Smith— (Co«7-o»7- " m/Jp «n J rf>c(f.") 
 
 Mr. Bogus J o^es— {Leather and Findings.) 
 
 Mr. DlsCOTjyT -(Prcsldenf of " The Pecuniari/ .Mutual 
 
 Jmpunltij Society y) 
 Mr. St. Hyacinthe St. Vmtoi.—{Clerh In the P. M. 
 
 I. S.) 
 McWhiteye — (An Irish Pnliceman.) 
 Caiiot — [A Carter.) 
 Mrs. St. H. St. Y t^toi.— {An hysteric female.) 
 
i: 
 
 ♦,'. 
 
 
 
 a 
 
 
 (1 
 
 
 c 
 
 
 i\ 
 
 
 n 
 
 
 a 
 
iNOT DEAD YET, 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE SKATING ^\RNIVAL 
 
 *^: 
 
 SCKNK. 
 
 Mr. St. Ff:R6oL's Apartment in Bcnaventlre 
 Stret:t. Door in flat, L, c. Doom, P. 2 E., and'L.2 
 E. Window^ R. c. Bed, C. Sofa, R. Cradle, L. 
 Washing Stand, R. u. e. Table irith ink. (fc, L. u. 
 E. Clock on mihtd-piece. Skate on floor. Bottles 
 scattered <dtout. Room, altogether ve.'ij much disordered. 
 A red coat on chair hy so/<t, r. 
 
 Demijohn discovered sitting on Led c. Jle is dressed in 
 IVnnks, huff hoots, night-caji — no coat. 
 
 
 
 Demi, \_rulhing his e\jes'\ Eh ! wliy, its oroad daylight ? 
 and, bless ine ! why it must be twelve vo'elock ! [Looking 
 at hoots] Hullo ! why, I've bcoii to bed in my boots ! This 
 comes of single blessedness ; why is there no sympathetic 
 Mrs. Demijohn to officiate as : n animated boot-jack ? Oh ! 
 my poor head ! There's a succession of vagrant locomotives 
 and erratic propellers running most irregularly in my brain, 
 [Rises and staggers to tahle] Oh ! for some Eau-de-Cologne ! 
 
8 NOT DEAD YET ; Oil, 
 
 \ Empties buttle of red ink on p()cket-haiulkerc]iuj\and 
 dabs Ms face, spuL'mg some on s]urt~\ Eh! now, how the 
 deuce did I? \_Looldng at his clothes'] These are not busi- 
 ness clothes ! Let me sec. What did I do last night ? my 
 mouth's all sawdust. \_Gocs to jug — drinks — comes down 
 with jug.] I've an idea I must have got a little [laughing] 
 humph ! yes, I am inclined to think I 7cas slightly. — How 
 thirsty I am to be sure [Drinks again"]. I'll take the change 
 out of the water rate [drinks]. I I'eel quite — [Waving 
 his hands] Yes ! I must have been very — yes, unusually 
 social — I recollect now, there was myself, somebody else, 
 and two other fellows, all very — social. AVe went to the 
 Skating Carnival at Guilbault's, and came away, four of 
 us in a sleigh, — and, damme, that's all I do recollect. I 
 can only hope I behaved myself v/liilst I was under the 
 influence oi'—[hicci(2)]. But where am I ?— Well, I sup- 
 pose I must make myself at home.— I can't go down fet. 
 ») ames-street in this costume. The hardware interest 
 must take care of itself to-day, though I suppose it will be 
 down on me like a hammer to-morrow. But what are stove- 
 pipes compared to comfort ? [Sits], What are jelly-moulds 
 compared to ease ? and why should bar-iron sit heavy on my 
 conscience ? Perish the thought ! [Drinks] and where's my 
 jacket? [Sees coat on chair]. Damme! I can't have come 
 home in this thir\g-~[ruis on coat, feels in jwcket, pulls out 
 card-case and purse, counts money and puts back jnirse and 
 reads name on card]. I must have been very — [ Waving his 
 hand]. St. Fdreol, who the deuce is he ? never mind— who 
 cares ! [Laughing and drinking] ITip, hip, hurrah ! [Loud 
 snore from sofa]. Eh, what's that ? Whew ! there's some- 
 body asleep on the sofa ; I must have brought somebody 
 home [Picking vp a ringlet wig from the foor]. Eh! 
 
 r 
 r 
 
THE SKATING CARNIVAL. 
 
 9 
 
 [aliomedl I hope it's not — 
 
 ringlet. Enter Mrs. St. FfiR^OL — door 
 
 [^Turns R. and inspects 
 ill flat 
 
 she 
 
 7'ushes to him as i/ to cmhr<jcc.'^ 
 
 Mrs. St. F. Well, Hyacinthc, dear • 
 
 De:.ii. \_tiirn!ng'] Don't control yourself, charming fe- 
 male; throw yourself into T. D's. arms — I don't know who 
 you are, but what'.s the odds ? 
 
 Mrs. St. F. Sir I 
 
 Demi. Madame, as I said before [^Iticcup'], don't control 
 yourself. If you wis!) to faint, Demijohn will support you 
 with most affectionate propriety. 
 
 Mrs. St. F. Sir, if you have the feelings of a gentleman 
 
 '[^Weeping. 
 
 Demi. Hysteric female, when Beauty weeps, Hardware 
 is melted. Take a chair. 
 
 Mrs. St. F. Explain, sir, what are you doing in my 
 Hyacinthe's room? in my room? and tell me where, 
 where is he ? 
 
 Demi, [aside] I'm darned if I know. 
 
 Mrs. St. F. Kelieve the anxiety of a fond— a doting 
 wife — speak ! where is my Hyacinthe ? 
 
 Demi, ^aside'] She must be botanically mad — [Aicfuj?] 
 I'm not at liberty to mention. 
 
 Mrs. St. F. Then you Wo know? what has happened 
 whilst I have been innocently spending a week with dear 
 mamma? Has he been arrested for a Raider under the 
 new Act, poor darling I or bolted to the States with my new 
 earrings, and left his disconsolate wife with her twin in- 
 cumbrances a burden on a cold unpitying world ? 
 
 Demi. My sympathy, madam, is only equalled by my 
 
 gnorance of your meaning. [Aside] Now, here's a pretty 
 
 situation ! shut up with a hysteric female, in an unknown 
 
10 
 
 NOT DEAD YET ; OR, 
 
 location, ill this uubusiness-liko costume, with an unknown 
 party asleep on the sofa — [Snore] Oh, dear! This is the 
 result of rinks, and old rye! This blessed country has 
 much to answer for ! 
 
 Mrs. St. F. \_down r.] I've just come from the poor 
 dear's office, the '^ Pecuniary Mutual Lmpunity So- 
 ciety," and he's missing ; he must be dead ! murdered 
 perhaps ! and never [^sohbing] wrote to his widow to say 
 when, how, or where. 
 
 [^Sinks liystericidJy on sofa — Smith starts up 
 — Smith Is in grotesque nigger dress. 
 
 Smith \Jmlf awake and Judf sohcr']. None of your fool- 
 ing now St. Fer^ol. — l_Comes to c. 
 
 Mrs. St. F. [^seizing Smith's ami] His beloved name 1 
 then 1/ou know, where, where is he ? 
 
 Demi. l. [^seizing Smith's otJ er arm] Yes, where is 
 the owner of that beloved name, and the proprietor of this 
 startling coat ? 
 
 Smith. Eh ? hush! [Mysteriously. 
 
 Mrs. St. F. In mercy, spoak ! where is he ? 
 
 Demi. Reply, mysterious stranger, if you love me ! 
 
 Smith. \_w'itli intent] Ah ! don't ask me — I'm not at 
 liberty to mention [Breaks away and retires iq^ c. 
 
 Demi. Damme ! what does he mean by that ? 
 
 Smith, [coming down c. to Demi.] I have determined 
 to sacrifice myself on the altar of friendship I As I said 
 before, don't ask me — [Aside mysteriously to Demi,] It's 
 all right. I won't blab. 
 
 Demi, [con/used.] What's all right ? 
 
 Mrs. St. F. Stay, sir; are you a man and a father? 
 
 Smith. [_icit7i excessive sobriety.] Is there anything in 
 my personal appearance, madam, to lead you to doubt 
 that I am either one or the other / 
 
THE SKATIxXG CARNIVAL. 
 
 11 
 
 Mrs. St. F. You mentioned my dear Hyacinthe's name 
 — You arc his friend then ? 
 
 Smith, [^with excessive mysterij.l^ I was, ma'am, yes- 
 terday, but the fact is — in short — you perfectly understood 
 me ? [Going.'] I'll go up to my room and change. 
 Good morning. 
 
 [Exit Smith Joicn in flat. 
 
 Demi. Wliat a mysterious cuss It is ! 
 
 Mrs. St. F. [in great agitation.] 0, dear ! 0, dear! 
 my room taken possession of by a couple of drunken idiots 
 — It's burglary — and 0! how odd the cradle looks, can 
 they have deposited my poor Hyacinthe's remains there ? 
 [Rocking cradle.'] It feels very heavy — yes! [hysttrically] 
 my poor Hyacinthc has been cut off in the flower of his 
 youth— [^j Demi, tragically] Oh ! don't look at me, there's 
 blood upon thy fl\ce ! Oh ! oh ! 
 
 [Mrs. St. F. kneels down hy cradle, overcome 
 — Demi gets up and holes at face in glass. 
 
 Demi. Blood ! In my most contemplative moments the 
 idea never suggested itself that I was to become a murderer, 
 [Mrs. St. F. rocking the cradle -wildly.] I must have 
 
 been very [Mrs. St. F. iq-iscts cradle — Jones 
 
 rolls out dressed as a monkey— general snr2)rise] ah ! 
 the devil ! • 
 
 Jones. That's rather an unceremonious way of disturb- 
 ing one's rosy slumbers. You've rather a heavy hand with 
 the cradle, ma'am. My head was nearly split on that last 
 rock. Good morning, old chap, you don't look much the 
 better for last night's work. 
 
 Demi, [in agony.] What ? 
 
 Mrs. St. F. Get away, you brute ! you zoological 
 reprobate ! another of the gang, I suppose. But never 
 
12 
 
 XOT BEAD yet; or, 
 
 mind— I'll have you all up to-morrow, I promise you— -I'll 
 be off at once to my old friend Mr. Discount, ask his advice, 
 
 and 
 
 [As she is about fo exit door injiat. Enter Smith, 
 running against her. 
 
 Smith. Don't apologize Mi^?n— Confound it ! I've lost 
 the key of my room upstairs, and can't get in. 
 
 Mrs. St. F. [at door] Poor, poor Hyacinthe I [Exit. 
 
 Demi. Now we've got rid of the disconsolate female, 
 perhaps some one will be kind enough to inform me where 
 I am, and how I got here ; and at the same time introduce 
 me to my eccentric friends. Gentlemen, I am Demijohn — 
 initials D. T.— surname. Demijohn !— Grand total D. T. 
 Demijohn, in the hardware line, " Shelf and Heavy.'" Who 
 are you ? 
 
 Jones. Surname Jones— Christian name, Bogus— Adds 
 up. Bogus Jones, — trade, Leather and Findings— parent- 
 age, dubious— income, uncertain, — and disposition, con- 
 vivial—Who is our friend ? 
 
 Smith. Smith, sir. Kerosene Smith, in the coal oil 
 interest. " Crude and refined." You are in Bonaventure- 
 strev,t, in the apartments of one St. Hyacinthe St. F^reol, 
 the late husband of the irascible female who has just 
 left us. 
 
 Demi. Late husband ? — And I've got on his coat — and 
 have appointed myself his sole surviving representative — 
 Oh ! my poor head ! — [Showing money. 
 
 Smith, c. He accompanied me to the masquerade at the 
 Glaciarium last night, where we all became acquainted. 
 
 Jones. Ah ! to be sure, my dear fellow ! you stood 
 drinks. 
 
 Demi. Oh ! yes 1 of course, my boy — my poor head ! 
 
 [Gets jug and drinhs. 
 
 U 
 
 f 
 
 5./ 
 
THE SKATIXG CARNIVAL. 
 
 13 
 
 'k 
 
 Smith. Well, after that— I'll trouble you for the jug. 
 
 [^Drinlcs. 
 
 Jones. Ah! I sec, Kcro.sene, you want luhncating. 
 After you, please. [Dnnks. 
 Smith. After that, we came to ihis house, where he 
 and I lodge— when I say all I mean the three of us— and 
 made ourselves comfortable in our friend's room— his wife 
 being away on a visit— leaving poor St. Hyacinthe 
 
 Jones, [mtcmqjtui^.] yes, I had a charming bed ! 
 [Aside'] I shan't be able to stand upright for a month. 
 
 Smith. Leaving poor St. Hyacinthe 
 
 Jones. Yes ? [Eagerly/. 
 
 Demi. Yes? IVeri/ eagerly. 
 
 Smith. Jug, please. [Druds.'] Leaving poor St. Hya- 
 cinthe in a state of unconsciousness in the road. You re- 
 member hitting him on the head with your skates, and 
 throwing him out of the sleigh. 
 
 Jones. I have not the slightest recollection. 
 
 Demi. I forget that interesting occurrence completely. 
 
 Jones. 1 remember perfectly now. Look at the blood 
 on Demijohn's shirt and face. You did it between you. 
 
 feMiTH. The carter will reinember, if you forget. At 
 any rate our friend is done for. If his head is not broken, 
 he must be frozen as stiff as a dressed hog. Now you see 
 why I held my tongue just now. We shall all be hanged I 
 
 Jones. A temporary suspension in the liardware, 
 leather, and coal oil interests !~01i 1 dear ! 
 
 Demi. [In great agitation]. What is to be done? We 
 are all three in each other's power. I'll turn Queen's 
 evidence and hang my friends. [Going. 
 
 Jones. I beg your pardon, I've selected that pleasin 
 duty myself. 
 
 (J- 
 
14 
 
 NOT DEAD yet; OR, 
 
 Smith. Wc arc vonderfuUy iinauimons — Its strange 
 that I too sliould have tlic same intention. 
 
 Demi, [((side] I'd run away if I could only get some 
 decent clothes, — but, 'n this unimaginative world, there is 
 a popular prejudice '.igainst this style of costume by day- 
 light. 
 
 Jones, [aside] Hang it ! I can't skedaddle ! What would 
 Notre Dame street say to me like this ? 
 
 Smith. [Aside] Confound it! I'velo3t the key of my 
 room up-stairs, and so I must associate with these two 
 thirsty villains till after dark [Aloud] Well, you sanguinary 
 old stove pipes ! 
 
 Demi. Say, now ("".on't let's (quarrel ! Perhaps you'll throw 
 some oil on the troubled waters, Mr. Kerosene ? 
 
 Smith. No doubt the police are on our track. Well, let's 
 be friends in our last moments. [Thei/ shake hands. 
 
 Demi, (sinking into so/a). There's no doubt then — but 
 — we are 
 
 Jones. — No doubt- -no doubt. [Sits down on cradle. 
 
 Smith. LsinJaiig on chairs It's horrible ! our lives are 
 
 not worth 
 
 [Enter Cahot d. in flat, very angry. 
 
 Caiiot. Trois piastres ! 
 
 Demi, [rises] I dont speak French. 
 
 Smith, [rises] No more do I. 
 
 Cahot. Trois piastres ! 
 
 Jones, [rises] How much ? 
 
 Cahot. Trois piastres! [Going first to one, then to 
 
 the others. 
 
 Jones. Here's an evidence against us ! I remember 
 that infernal Frenchman driving us last night. He knows 
 everything of course. 
 
THE SKATIXa CARXIVAL. 
 
 1.- 
 
 Demi. [/// <:7fs/)a/r] Every thino! 
 Jones. Pay him, somebody. I've j^ot no pockets in 
 this dress ! 
 
 Cauot. [veri/ iinjjatien fit/] Troisipiasives] 
 Smith. All right— cinq piastres. 
 Jones. Perfectly correct — dix piastres. 
 Demi, [tuhlng moneij from pocl-et]. Vingt piastres ! 
 good day I [Exit Cahot, d. In fat. [Aside'] It's not 
 my own money,— so I've done tliat job cheap. Never 
 mind. Our case can't well be made worse. my poor head ! 
 
 [Retires. 
 Jones. And this is the result of what is culled a spree ! 
 Despair! ruin! murder! The illustrious and hitherto 
 unsullied name of Bogus will head a sensation paragraph 
 in the " DaiJij Witness,'' and the crime of Jones will 
 furnish a fifth edition to the newsboys ! But, after all, one 
 French Canadian more or less in the world does not much 
 matter ! Perhaps not I but an infatuated public denies the 
 luxury of manslaughter to Jones,— and Jones, the ill-used 
 Jones must suffer I 
 
 Smith, [coming down'] And Smith who has made his 
 fortune by the gallon must perish miserably by the cord ! 
 Discount, [speaking without] The first door to the 
 left? Thauk you. All right! I am a man of business, 
 and 
 
 Smith, [meeting Demi c] Demijohn I 
 
 Demi. Smith ! 
 
 Smith. That voice 1 
 
 Demi. Those ominous words ! 
 
 Smith. We are found ! [In desjmir, 
 
 Demi. We are lost [J71 despair. 
 
 Smith. Then I'm oif. 
 
 [Exit door, R. 2. E« 
 
16 
 
 NOT DEAD Yrr; OR, 
 
 Demi. An J Til follow your example. [^ExUdoor,L. 2.1E, 
 
 Jones. And what am I to do, if you please ? ah ! a 
 grand idea ! 
 
 [Places himself R. injKjsitiou of (( stuffed mnnhej/. 
 [Enter Discount. Door in flat ^ hurriedly, he looks 
 around cautioHslt/, and is evidently surprised at 
 Jinding the room ajiparentlt/ emjity. 
 
 Discount. I don't understand this ! I'm a man of 
 business ! nobody here ? and my valuable time taken up 
 with looking for, — nobody. Wliat can Mrs. St. Fereol have 
 meant? Her room taken possession of? Her husband 
 murdered ? Dont tell me. I'm a man of business ; and 
 the affiiirs of the " Pecuniary Mutual Impunity 
 Society" are not to be trifled with in this way ! But it 
 certainly is very extraordinary. St. Fereol has been one 
 of my clerks these five years, and this is the first time I've 
 
 had rea jn to remark 
 
 \Goi)u} R. sees Jones, whom he suptposcs to he 
 a stuffed monkey. 
 
 Good gracious ! [Gets away to L. c] not alive, I hope ? 
 [looking through double eye-glass], no! stuffed I see 1 
 Stuffed ! What a magnificent specimen of the gorilla vul- 
 garis ! the last importation, I suppose. I'm a man of 
 business 1 I wonder what he was invoiced at ? [Ap)proache8 
 Jones, to examine, and strokes monkey, Jones touches him 
 on shoulder, and runs as a monkey to L, wlierc he sits and . 
 chatters at Discount — Pause — DiscouNT/t"«?/<(% alarm- 
 ed runs to each door in turns, hut JoNES intercepts him. 
 Discount gets to table and keeps table between himself 
 and Jones — Jones jumps on table — Business as monkey. 
 Discount runs down R. trembling and entrenches himself 
 behind his iimhrella~\. How shall I propitiate the brute? 
 
THE SKATING CARNIVAL. 
 
 17 
 
 Ah! yes, iftcUag In pocJcet and proJaciitg hdg of )iuts) 
 these nuts, — English filuerts at two shillings a pound, as 
 I'm a man of business ! — But my life is in danger ! Here ! 
 (coaxl)iffh/) here ! 
 
 l^Gircs /i/»7s— Jones cats several — throvnng 
 shells at Discount. 
 
 Jones ^spiffing out a had nut, and coming down 
 L. c. as a ntun.'] You may be a mm of business, but you 
 keep darn mean things in nuts ! 
 
 Discount. [Furious on discovering the decejJtio.i.j I 
 repeat, sir, I am a man of business, and I must speak my 
 mind. 
 
 Jones. That wouldn't be saying much ! 
 
 Discount. A truce, sir, to this flippancy— I am 
 
 Jones. Yes, you've told me so already. 
 
 Discount. You will provoke m^ into premature apo- 
 plexy, Sir ! I came here to enquire for Mr. St. Foreol, and 
 I find in his absence, his apartment has been turned into 
 
 a — a Damn it, sir, I shall choke! {Very angrily,') 
 
 Where is my clerk, sir ? 
 
 Jones. You don't know? {Aside.) Well, ignorance is 
 bliss. [Aloud.'] I'm not at liberty to mention. [.-1^ 
 door injlat.') Good morning, sir. 
 
 Discount. Very well, sir, very well ! But this mystery 
 shall be cleared up. I'll not wait an hour longer! I am 
 a man of business ! My clerk loses his situation ! Good 
 
 morning. 
 
 [Exit D. in Jlat. JoNES holds door open for 
 
 Discount, and as Discount exits, jjkHs 
 
 door to violently, shutting in his tail, half 
 
 of ichich is cut ojf. 
 
 Jones. (pic7ci?ig up the end of tail and coming doim 
 
18 
 
 NOT DEAD yet; OR, 
 
 to c.) Now upon my word ! Herc'.s an interesting tail 
 brought to an abrupt conclusion ! 
 
 Enter SillTn, cantiomJy. \_Dooi' R. 2. E.l 
 
 Smith. Is it all right ? 
 
 Jones. All right?— No ! It's only half left! 
 
 [SJioving tail 
 Elite: Demijoiix cantlouslt/. IDoor L. 2. E.] 
 Demi. Can I come in ? Gone ? eh ? 
 Jones. Gone? yes! all but the stump ! [Shomng tall. 
 Demi. What? I don't see the point— 
 Jones. No. Here it is ! [Showing end of tail. 
 
 Smith. Nonsense ! Has our friend cleared ? 
 Jones. Friend ?— It's more like a direct cut. 
 
 \_Shoii'ln(j taih 
 Smith. My dear Jones, how can you joke in this ex- 
 tremity ? 
 
 Jones. Extremity! [Same hnslness.'] Pshaw! My 
 dear boys, we are safe so far. The respectable old party 
 knows nothing,— does not suspect me, and has no ilea that 
 you two are in the house. 
 
 Demi. Smith, I congratulate you ! 
 Smith. Demijohn, I give you joy ! 
 
 \_Thqj sJiake himU all round, daring which 
 McWhiteye looks In T). In flat, and enters 
 — he carries a ClIARLES 2nd jacket in 
 his hand. 
 McW. Does Misther Dimmijohn stop here ? 
 
 [Demijohn, Smith and Jones, together down 
 
 R. In excessive agony, as McWhiteye's <(d- 
 
 rances L. 
 
 Demi. 0, no! no! [Aside.] Our fato is sealed I 
 
 my poor head 1 [Sinks head on Jones' shoidder. 
 
tHE SKATIXG CARNIVAL. 19 
 
 ..«r tS5 ;";c ■■""" -■'"-"■ 
 
 MOW Ah ! bedad ! ye are a nice pair intirelv barring 
 tWe s L!.ree of yez ! and that only nkes yez half as bad 
 ga.n as yez might be. Faith I it's little woLerTf he .^n 
 tlemen are unwell this ^nornino- 1 Vmi r. "-V' "'? f "" 
 Plisant evening I But its I tTat'know yez'r' ' '''''''' 
 I)£Mr. Tou know us ?-and you saw— _ 
 fe^HTH You saw nothing ?-Muni ! mun. I 
 
 [DiMfjoiiN^c^, on one side o/McW, Smith.. 
 fhc other. 
 McW. Bedud ! ycr honors, but I did I 
 Demi What, everything ? [/„ „ /,„„,,,, „.,, . 
 . McW. Sure! Why, I never lost sight of yez " 
 
 ^'^^■':-l ^ "'""" '^"f"- -'^ "ft-' the fee, . 
 Mc^\ Dob,ghtful place the Glaeiarun, ! Ha ' ll I 
 
 yepoorhttleinnoei„t.,!_«i,l-„tI.eeyezl' 
 
 oui^ ^^ ,"«•' (^'"'»y'»y /-> «««-«.) Ind f 
 you did, yoa don't recollect it ? 
 
 «, J'T; ^V' '"^''•'■™''''^'' "'«' me eonseience is to be 
 nade of ? Is „t this yer honor's coat ? There's Diu.„' 
 
 t:zz ::: c " "? '^"' ^'"' ^« "'° ^-'--n - 
 
 arcssea up as a Count last nioht ^ 
 
 lasSt "" r "' I • ' '. '*'f'''"^'^-' ^'-"' '" «- Kink 
 M.W w? '" '^'^ '"'"«'"'»■" to-morrow I 
 McW. What the divil's the matter with them ? ,,,,«, 
 
 oil yer back, which belongs to Mister St. what's hi, 
 name, poor darlint I-His lart words were-- 
 
20 
 
 NOT DEAD YET ; OR, 
 
 Smith. Lust words! 0, its all over wltli us ! 
 
 McW. Be japcrs! but I'm imzzltMl iullrely. \ Aside. 
 
 Jones. Wo may as well confess at onco. 
 
 McW. Och ! bad luck to yer confession. Don't I kn^ ? 
 And isn't there a carter waitin;^' outride, and a moighty 
 intelligent spalpeen, too, for a Frinchnian, — who kept liis 
 eye on this Demijolin, — and who'll swear to the colored 
 gcntlcniMi and the other dumb animal, lla ! ha! 
 
 [JoNKS, Smith, <nul Dkmi, in (hsjiali: 
 
 Smith. He laujihs at our agonies !— thinks it a good 
 joke, no doubt, —the cold-bl»»oded villain ! A\'e must buy 
 him off. [Aside. 
 
 Demi [</. inj idl his monrij rvri/ cnnjidmtiallij']. Vou'll 
 be deaf, dumb, and stone blind. 
 
 McW. I shall, sur. 
 
 Smtiii. Good fellow ! good fellow ! I've got no ready 
 money — take iliis. [Oii'cs dock off mantcl-pieve. 
 
 McW. [Asid<'~\. More power to their insanity. 
 
 Smith \_i'ery confident ialli/']. You were at home last 
 night. Policemen always are when they arc wanted. 
 
 McW. \_ch(cJding.'] I w^as so, sur. 
 
 Jones \^wlto has hccn at table writing, coming down with 
 cheque^. Admirable officer. I'll pray for your promotion. 
 Here's a cheijuc on the " International Repudiation" 
 Bank. I lectured 'n t. mpevance yesterday evening, and 
 you hoard me. 
 
 McW. The which, ..ar .' — yes, I did so, sur ! 
 
 Demi. Thank you, that's (juitc sufficient ; you can go. 
 
 McW. I shall, sur. 
 
 [Exit J) in flat. 
 
 Demi. Hurrah ! Now let us sit down and coolly reflect 
 on our position. [Sits. 
 
TIIK SKATIXG CARNIVAL. 
 
 21 
 
 ith 
 
 Jones. Well, settle it between you. I shall go and 
 hunt for some clothes to go lionie in. I dare say the pro- 
 prietor of this iipartniont ha.-i ;i spare .suit !=<oniewherc. 
 
 [E'-it Jones, Poor k. 2 e. 
 
 S.>iiTll [in i.ijditatioii]. The principal witness Is out of 
 the way, at any rate— supprcs.scd, in fart. Suppose, now, 
 to make all secure, T supprcs.s my :iccomplicc. I can polish 
 off Jones a; leisure. A Demijohn, more or less, in the 
 world, is nothing. [ T-'Us pohr, vhuh he cnnccah as he 
 sits.] I'll do it. 
 
 Df.mi [n'slnc/]. After all, I scarcely like the looks of 
 my friend. If he should turn mean and split ! Suj^po-se, 
 now, I suppress him. I ea.i polish off Jones at leisure! 
 A little coal oil. mon* or less, in the world, is nothin'^. 
 [Ttdrs up hottlcfiom talk, caul sits near Smith. 
 Smith. Domijohn ! you're a good fellow. [Shakes hand']. 
 Demi. Smith ! you're another. [Shakes hand]. 
 Smith [aside.] If he would but turn his back ! 
 Demi [aside.] If I could only get a fair lick at him ! 
 Smith [aside]. There's no getting a chance! [Ahud] 
 Hullo ! you've dropped a York shilling ! 
 
 Demi. I'll pick it up. \As Demi stoojys, Smith is 
 about to hit him on the head idth jwher. Demi turns and 
 sees him.] What's the n.atter ? 
 
 Smith. Nothing! only a slight irritation. 
 Demi [Aside]. I must divert his attention. Ah ! 
 listen ! listen ! 
 Smith. A* ' what? [Tnms ,itrai/. 
 Demi. Nc.^v .^r it. [Businrss as hefore^ Smith sees him 
 Smith. IIullo.' ' . 
 
 Demi. I was merely trying if the bottle was Cxnpty. 
 
 [Enter Jones, door r 2 e, dressed in, crinoline, 
 a petticoat, cloak, cap^ and cloud. 
 
22 
 
 NOT DEAD yet; OR, 
 
 Jones {coming doini u. ,n>d cromvg to l). D'ye think 
 this will do ? You see I have found somotliin-. So I'll 
 wish you good inoruing. {(loJncj). 
 
 [Eiifrr, <hor In fiat, St. FKRf:oi,, Mrs. St. F£- 
 
 ii^OL, Mr. Discount ami McWiiiteye. 
 
 Mr. St. FereoLj/s In. top loots and breeches, 
 
 'ind his Jils head hound iq^. 
 
 St. Fereol, l.c. Coino along. Nonsense. They'll be 
 
 delighted to see you. 
 
 Smith. What, not dead y^t ? My dear St. Fereol ' Then 
 we are innocent. Hurrah ! lEnihraclng Mm. 
 
 Demi, r. Hurrah ! Let me restore your property (Takes 
 of coat, and phiccs it on chair). (Aside) I won't say any 
 thino' about the money. 
 
 Jones, l. Hurrah. IDancing withjoj/. 
 
 Smith [to Demi]. And I was going to suppress you. 
 
 Demi [to Smith.] And I had similar intention. 
 
 St. YtRtoh. Arabella, my 1 ove, these gentlemen are 
 my most intimate friends. T need not turn them out now, 
 I suppose. You heard all about last night in tlie Police 
 Office, so 1 need not tell you again, especially as T remem- 
 ber nothing myself. 
 
 Smith. But wh;it bec.une of you r We thought you 
 were defunct and were going cheerfully to execution for 
 the supposed murder. What do you mean by dis;.ppointin<>- 
 your friends in this way ? 
 
 St. FtntOL. 1 simply got my liead broken— but my 
 cranium bring of a comfortable thickness, I am not much 
 the worse. Finally I jxissed the night in fjuod; was fined 
 for being drunk, and lierc I am. 
 
 McW. Ah ! bedad ! and now its all clear to me— you 
 thought I knew of the murder, which nivir took place, 
 
 
11 
 
 E. 
 
 ill 
 
 'I. 
 CS 
 
 y 
 /• 
 
 
 THE SKATIXG CARNIVAL. 23 
 
 pit> for your inexperience, I brought ye three hom. oft!, 
 
 f-'''"""S'^; ""y' Jones, i)i;,,:,„„;g, 
 DE.M,. But wl>e.-e did this blood coic from ' 
 
 .•cdtwhTn /ril'-^" "^'^"''--' -^ -^''>' - ■'-w 
 MK.S Si F. [„^ „,«„] wi,y JOS ! the ink bottle is quite 
 
 m my clotlies, sir ? pi \ ° 
 
 Jones Merely continuing the n.as,,„era.le. Iwrod 
 some clothes to go home in. wautea 
 
 St. F. Home ! nonsense you'll all stay to dinner-and I 
 am sure Mas. Sr. F. will dispense with the formali y „f 
 dtess-como as you arc, -Mr. Discount I hope will join us 
 
 Discof.VT. Well, I s.ppo.,e I autst, and forgive you tht 
 once-I am a „>an of business :_! object strongly to y u 
 late ^onduc, but r can fully appreciate your ea°rfy din, er 
 
 I>E.M^ Then there s nothing more to be said, r.id.an- 
 
 attention is '• Noi dead yet," and that you see as much 
 fun as we did in the « Skati.vi; Caeniv.Il." 
 
 CURTAIN.