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TO WHICH IS ADDU), THE BUBBLES OF CANADA, BY THE SAME AUTHOB. -Garrit auiles ex re fabellas lIoiiACE. The cheerful sage, when solemu dic(iite§ fail, Conceals the moral counsel iu a tale. PARIS, BAUDRV'S BUROPBAN LIRKARV, nuH uu ooQ, Nii*n trk ludvhk. SOLD Al.Sn BY AMYOT, RUK DE LA PAIX; TIIUCHY, BOULKVARD DBS ITALIltNS ; THBOPHILB DAnROIS, JUN., HUE KICHKLIBU ; HEIDELOFF AND CAMPE, RUE VIVIKNNE; and by all the PRINCIPAti DOOKSRLLERti ON THE CONTINENT. 1839. r O) ^ V.\ SLICK'S LETTER. I After these Sketches had gone through the press, and were ready for publication, wf sent Mr. Slick a copy ; and shortly afterwards received from liim the following letter^ which characteristic communication we give entire. — Editor. ] To Mr. Howe. Sir, — I received your letter, and note its contents. I aint over hair pleased, I tell you ; I think I have been used scandalous, that's a fact. It warn't the part of a gentleman for to go and pump me arter that fashion, and then go right ofl* and blart it out in print. It was a nasty, dirty, mean action, and I don't thank you nor the squire a bit for it. It will be more nor a thousand dollars out of my pocket. There's an eend to the Clock trade now, and a pretty kettle of fish I've made on i(, hav'n't I? I shall never hear the last on it, and what am I to say when I go back to the States? I'll take my oath I never said one-half the stud he has set down there; and as for that long lochrum about Mr. Everett, and the Hon. Alden. Gobble, and Minister, there aint a word of truth in it from beginnin to eend. — but never If ever I come near hand to him agin, I'll lam him — mind, I say nothin. Now there's one thing I don't cleverly under- stand. If this here book is my * Sayins and Doins,' how comes it yourn or the Squire's either? If my thoughts and notions are my own, how can they be any other folks's ? According to my idee you have no more right to take them, than you have to take my clocks without payin for 'em. A man that would be guilty of such an action is no gentleman, that's flat, and if you don't like it you may lump it — for I don't valy him, nor you neither, nor are a blue-nose that ever slept in shoe-leather, the matter of a pin's head. I don't know as ever I felt so ugly afore since I was raised ; why didn't he put his name to it, as well as mine? When an article han't the maker's name and factory on it, it shows it's a cheat, and he's ashamed to own it. If I'm to have the name, I'll have the game, or I'll know the cause why, that's a fact I Now folks say you are a considerable of a candid man, and right up and down in your dealins, and do things above board, handsum — at least so I've hearn tell. That's what I like ; I love to deal with such folks. Now 'spose you make me an offer? You'll find me not very difficult ^o trade with, and I don't know but I might put oiTmore than half of the books myself, tu. I'll tell you how I'd work it. I'd say, 'Here's a book they've namesaked arter VI SLICK'S LETTEit. ine, Sam Slick, l\w Ciockmakor, but it tante mine, and can't al- together jist say rightly whoso it is. Somo say it's the Gencrara, and some say it's tho Bishop's, and some say it's llowo himsoir; but I aint availed who it is. It's a wise child that knows its own father. It wipes up tho blue-noses considerable hard, and don't lot oiT the Yankees so very easy neither, but it's generally allowed to be about the prettiest book ever writ in this country ; and although it aint al- together jist gospel what's in it, there's some pretty home truths in it, that's a fact. Whoever wrote it must be a funny feller, too, that's sartin ; for there are some queer stories in it that no soul could help larfin at, that's a fact. It's about the wittiest book I ever see'd. Its nearly all sold off, but |ist a few copies I've kept for my old customers. The price is just 58. 6d., but I'll let you have it for A»., because you'll not get another chance to have one.' Always ax a sixpence more than the price, and then bate it, and when blue-noso hears that, ho thinks he's got a bargain, and bites directly. I never sec one on 'em yet that didn't fall right into tho trap. Yes, make me an ofler, and you and I will trade, I think. But fair play's a jewel, and I must say I feel ryled and kinder sore. I han't been used handsum atween you two, and it don't seem to me that I had ought to bo made a fool on in that book, arter that fashion, for folks to laugh at, and then be sheered out of the spec. If I am, somebody had better look out for squalls, I tell you. I'm as easy as an old glove, but a glove aint an old shoe to bo trod on, and I think a certain person will find that out afore he is six months older, or else I'm mistakcned, that's all. Hopin to hear from you soon, I rc- >iain yours to command, SAMUEL SLICK, l*ugnose\s Inn, River Philijt, Dec. 'i5, 188(J. P.S. I see m the last page it is writ, that the Squire is to take another journey round the Shore, and back to Halifax with me next Spring. Well, I did agree with him, to drive him round the coast, but don't you mind — we'll understand each other, I guess, afore we start. I concait he'll rise considerably airly in the mornin, afore he catches mc asleep agin. I'll be wide awake for him next hitch, that's a fact, I'd a ginn a thousand dollars if he had only used Gampbeirs name instead of mine ; for he was a most an almighty villain, and cheated a proper raft of folks and then shipped himself oflT to Botany Bay, for fear folks would transport him there ; you couldn't rub out Slick, and put in Campbell, could you? that's a good feller; if you would I'd make it worth your while, you may depend. CONTENTS. Slick's letter The Trotting House . The Clockmaker The Silent Girls CHAPTER I. CHAPTER 11. CHAPTER HI. CHAPTER IV. Conversations at the Kivek Philip Justice Pettifog Anecdotes (lu Ahead CHAPTER V. CHAPTER VI. CHAPTER yil. CHAPTER VIH. The Preacher that wandered from his Text . CHAPTER IX. Yankee Eating and House Feedixc CHAPrEit X. The Uoad hi a Woman's HEARt— The Brokkn He\ht CHAPTER XI. CUMUIiiRLAVU OVSTERS PRODUCE MELANCHOLY FOREnODINCH CHAPTER XII. Thf. American Eagle CHAPTER Xlll. The Clockmaker's Opinion of Halifax . CHAPTER XIV. Savings and Doings in Cumubrland CHAPTER XV. The Dancing Masier Aiiroad , CHAPTER XVI Mr. Slick's opinion of rut [}itnisii Pace V I 4 7 9 12 14 17 90 •27 »1 40 45 4S ii CONTENTS. CIIAPTEII XVII. A YANKtC IIanULK KOII a IIaLIFAX UtiAUK CHAPTEU XVlll. The Uha^iamiie and tiik Irish Pilot CIlAPrBIl XIX. The f'LOCKMAKbH gUlLTS A E(,UK N08B . N/STEH SALL'ti COUHTMUIP KitrriNo ui» roil Guvbrnuh A Curb ioh Conceit CIIAPTEK XX. CHAPTER XXI. CHAPTEU XXII. CIIAPTEII XXIIl. The Blowim Time CHAPTER XXIV. iTatiibr John O'Shauchnemsv . Taming a Shrbw Tub Minister'^ Horn Muc The White Niooeii . Fire im the Daiuy A Gouv without a Head CHAPTER XXV. CHAPTER XXVI. CHAPTER XXVII, CHAPTER XXVIH. • • CHAl'TER XXIX. CHAPTER XXX. A Talb of BuMKEit'ti Hill CHAPTER XXXI. LfULLiNG A Blub Nohe CHAPTER XXXll. T 10 MANY Irons in the PiHt:. CHAPTER XXXni. VViNUSOR AND TUE FAR WksT . TiiL JIeeting Tllli VotL'NTAIlY SVRTliM TttAIMN'i A ( AllUIBOO CHAPTER XXXIV. CHAPTER XXXV. CHAPTER XXXVI. Aiii. B7 01 # I 70 74 »4 io:i lOli in 114 IIH \n \i7 131 13.1 113 Nick Dkadsiia.v TRAVKr.LINn II AllEHICA. Kl.ECTIVE CoUNtTlLH , Slavery I'ALKiNn Latin The Snow Wreath . Tub Talisman Italian I'aintinuh SiiAMPOOiNa THE Kkglisii I'uiTiNO A Foot is it . CONTENTS. CHAPTER XXXVII. CHAPTER XXXVIII, * * t CHAPTER XXXIX. CHAPTER XL. CHAPTER XU. CHAPTER XLII. CHAPTER XTJH. CHAPTER XLIV. CHAPTER XLV. * * t CHAPTER XLVI. CHAPTER XLVII. English Aristocracy and Yankee Mobocracy CHAPTER XLVKI. lONFESSIONH OF A DePOSEU MINISTER . Canadian Politics A Cure for SMunnLiNci. CHAPTER XLIX. CHAPTER L. CHAPTER LI. Taking off the J'actohv Ladies CHAPTER LH. The Schoolmaster Abroad . The Wrono Room . Finding a Ma re's Nest. Kebpinc up the Steam. CHAPTER LHI. CHAPTER LIV. CHAPTER LV. CHAPTER LVI. The CLOCKMAKRR'ii Parting Advice lit Pa«k N8 W 104 170 178 i«r 193 m SOS 919 918 9!(9 246 254 261 967 273 281 H— HHHUi^ THE CLOCKMAKER. CHAPTER I. THE TROTTING HORSE. I WAS always well mounted ; t am fond of a horse, and always piqued myself on having the fastest trotter in the Province. I have made no great progress in the world, I feel doubly, therefore, the pleasure of not being surpassed on the road. I never feoi so well or so cheerful as on horseback, for there is s'^raething ex 'iarating in quick motion ; and, r^d as I am, I feel a pleasure in making any per- son whom I meei on the way put his horse to the full gallop, to keep pace with ny trotter. PoorEthiope! you recollect him, how he was wont to lay back his ears on his arched neck, and push away from all competition. He is done, poor fellow 1 the spavin spoiled his speed, and he now roams at large upon * my farm at Truro.' Mohawk never failed me till this summer. I pride myself (you may laugh at such childish weakness in a man. of my age), but still, I pride myself in taking the conceit out of cox- combs I meet on the road, and on the ease with which I can leave a fool behind, whose nonsense disturbs my solitary musings. On my last journey to Fort Lawrence, as the beautiful view of Colchester had just opened upon me, and as I was contemplating its richness and exquisite scenery, a tall thin man, with hollow cheeks and bright twinkling black eyes, on a good bay horse, somewhat out of condition, overtook me ; and drawing up, said, I guess y;)u started early this morning, sir? I did, sir, I replied. You did not come from Halifax, I presume, sir, did you ? in a dialect too rich to be mis- taken as genuine Yankee. And which way may you be travelling? asked my inquisitive companion. To Fort Lawrence. Ah ! said he so am I, it is in my circuit. The word circuit sounded so profes- sional, I looked again at him, to ascertain whether I had ever seen him before, or whether I had met with one of those nameless, but innumerable limbs of the law, who now flourish in every district of the Province. There was a keenness about his eye, and an acuteness of expression, much iti favour of the law; but the dress, and general bearing of the man, made against the supposition. His was not the coat of a man who can afiord to wear an old coat, nor was it one of * Tempest And More's,' that distinguish country lawyers from coun- 1 '^ THE CLOCKMAKER. it u M , ( t h 11 try boobies. His clothes were well made, and of good materials, bnt looked as if their owner had shrunk a little since they were mad6 for, him ; they hung so.newhat loose on him. A large brooch, and some superfluous seals and gold keys, which ornamented his outward man, looked * New England' like. A visit to the Stales had, perhaps, I thought, turned this Colchester beau into a Yankee fop. Of what consequence was it to me who he was — in either case 1 had nothing to do with him, and I desired neither his acquaintance nor his com- pany — still I could not but ask myself who can this man be? I am not aware, said I, that there is a court sitting at this time at Cum- berland? Nor am I, said my friend. What then could he have to do with the circuit? It occurred to me he must be a Methodist preach- er. I looked again, but his appearance again puzzled me. His attire might do — the colour might be suitable — the broad brim not out of place; but there was a want of that staidness of look, that seriousness of countenance, that expression, in short, so characteristic of the clergy. I could not account for my idle curiosity — a curiosity which, in him, I had the moment before viewed both with suspicion and dis- gust ; but so it was — I felt a desire to know who he could be who was neither lawyer nor preacher, and yet talked of his circuit with the gravity of both. How ridiculous, I thought to myself, is this ; I will leave him. Turning towards him, I said, I feared I should be late for breakfast, and must therefore bid him good morning. Mohawk felt the pressure of my knees, and away we went at a slapping pace. I congratulated myself on conquering my own curiosity, and on avoiding that of my, travelling companion. This, I said to myself, this is the value of a good horse; 1 patted his neck — I felt proud of him. Presently I heard the steps of the unknown's horse — the clatter increased. Ah, my friend, thought I, it won't do ; you should be well mounted if you desire my company ; I pushed Mohawk faster, faster, faster-^to his best. He outdid himself ; he had never trotted so handsomely — so easily — so well. I guess that is a pretty considerable smart horse, said the stranger, as he came beside me, and apparently reined in, to prevent his horse passing mo; there is not, I reckon, so spry a one on mp circuit. Circuit, or no circuit, one thing was settled in my mind ; he was a Yankee, and a very impertinent Yankee, too. I felt humbled, my pride was hurt, and Mohawk was beaten. To continue this trotting contest was humiliating; I yielded, therefore, before the victory was palpable, and pulled up. Yes, continued he, a horse of pretty considerable good action, and a pretty fair trotter, too, 1 guess. Pride must have a fall — I confess mine was prostrate in the dust. These words cut me to the heart. >Vhat! is it come to this, poor Mohawk, that you, the admiration of ■'■« THE TROTTING HOUSE. all but the envious, the great Mohawk, the standard by which alt other horses are measured — trots next to Mohawk, only yields to Mohawk, looks like Mohawk — that you are, after -^ll, only a coun- terfeit, and pronounced by a straggling Yankee to be merely ' a pretty fair trotter I' If he was trained, I guess that he might be made to do a little more. Excuse me, but if you divide your weight between the knee and the stirrup, rather most on the knee, and rise forward on the saddle^ so as to leave a little daylight between you and it, I hope I may never ride this circuit again, if you don't get a mile more an hour out of him. What I not enough, I mentally groaned, to have my horse beaten, but I must be told that I don't know how to ride him ; and that, too, by a Yankee — Aye, there's the rub — a Yankee what? Perhaps a half-bred puppy, half Yankee, half blue-nose. As there is no escape, I'll try to make out my riding master. Your circuity said I, my looks expressing all the surprise they were capable of — your circuit, pray what may that be ? Oh, said he, the eastern circuit— I am on the eastern circuit, sir. I have heard, said I, feeling that I now had a lawyer to deal with, that there is a great deal of business on this circuit — pray, are there many cases of importance ? There is a pretty fair business to be done, at least there has been, but the cases are df no great value — we do not make much out of them, we get them up very easy, but they don't bring much profit. What a beast, thought I, is this; and what a curse to a country, to have such an unfeeling pettifogging rascal practising in it — a horse jockey, too, what a finished character 1 I'll try him on that branch of his business. That is a superior animal you are mounted on, said I— ^I seldom meet one that can travel with mine. Yes, said he coolly, a consi- derable fair traveller, and most particular good bottom. I hesitated : this man who talks with such unblushing effrontery of getting up cases, and making profit out of them, cannot be offended at the ques- tion — yes, I will put it to him. Do you feel an inclination to part with him? I never part with a horse— ^I don't like to ride in the dust after every one I meet, and I allow no man to pass me but when I choose. Is it possible, I thought, that he can know me? that he has heard of my foible, and is quizzing me, or have I this feeling in common with him. But, continued I, you might supply yourself again. Not on this circuit, I guess, said he, nor yet in Campbell's circuit. Campbell's circuit— pray, sir, what is that? That, said he, is the western — and Lampton rides the shore circuit ; and as for the people on the shore, they know so little of horses, that Lampton tells me, a man from Aylesford once sold a hornless ox there, whose tail he had cut and nicked, for a horse of the Goliath breed. I should think, said I, that Mr. Lampton must have no lack of cases among ! 1 imm 4 THE CLOGKMAKGR. such enlightened cUents. Clients, sirl said my friend, Mr. Lampfonr is not a lawyer. I beg pardon, I thouglit you said he rode the circuit. We call it a circuit, said the stranger, who seemed by no means flattered by the mistake — we divide the Province, as in the Almanack, into circuits, in each of which we separately carry on our business of manufacturing and selling clocks. There are few, I guess, said the Glockmaker, who go upon iickd^s much as we do, who have so little use for lawyers; if attornies could wind a man up again, after he has been fairly run down, I guess they'd be a pretty harmless sort of folk.«. This explanation restored my good humour, and as I could not quit my companion, and he did not feel disposed to leave me, I made up my mind to travel with him to Fort Lawrence, the limit of his circuit. ^ :i H !i M r CHAPTER H. TITE CLOCKMAKER. i HAD heard of Yankee clock pedlars, tin pedlars, and bible pedlars, especially of him who sold Polyglot Bibles (all in English) to the amount of sixteen thousand pounds. The house of every substantial farmer had three substantial ornaments, a wooden clock, a tin reflec- tor, and a Polyglot Bible. How is it that an American can sell his wares, at whatever price he pleases, where a blue-nose would fail to make a sale at all? I will enquire of the .Glockmaker the secret of his success. What a pity it is, Mr. Slick (for such was his name), what a pity it is, said I, that you, who are so successful in teaching these people the value of clocks^ could not also teach them the value of time. I guess, said he, they have got that ring to grow on their horns yet, which every four year old has in our country. We reckon hours and minutes to be dollars and cents. They do nothing in these parts, but eat, drink, smoke, sleep, ride about, lounge at taverns, make speeches at temperance meetings,, and talk about *' House ofAssem- .J>ly" \i a man don't hoe his corn, and he don't get a crop, he says it is all owing to the Bank ; and if he runs into debt and is sued, why he says the lawyers are a curse to the country. They tite a most idle set of folks, I tell you. But how is it, said I, that you manage to sell such an immense number of clocks (which certainly cannot be called necessary arti- cles] among a people with whom there seems to be so ^^rcat a scar- city of money ? \.. THE CLOCKMAKER. ampfoiY circuit. means aanack, )ines8 of said the so little after he s sort of ould not I, I made (lit of his e pedlars, ih) to the ubstantial tin reflec- n sell his uld fail to ret of his [hat a pity ;se people ^f time. 1 jorns yet» (hours and ^ese parts, hns, make WfAsaem- |p, he says med, vhy most idle immense ^sary arli- it a scar- Mr. Slick paused, as if considering the propriety of answering the ijuestion, and looking me in the face, said, in a confidential tone. Why, I don't care if I do tell you, for the market is glutted, and 1 shall quit this circuit. It is done by a knowledge of soft sawder and human natur. But here is Deacon Flint's, said he, 1 have but one clock left, and I guess [ will sell it to him. At the gate of a most comfortable looking farm-house stood Dea- con Flint, a respectable old man, who had understood the value of time better than most of his neighbours, if one might judge from the appearance of every thing about him. After the usual salutation, an invitation to "alight" was accepted by Mr. Slick, who said, he wished to take leave of Mrs. Flint before he left Colchester. We had hardly entered the house, before the Clockmaker pointed to the view from the window, and addressing himself to me, said, if I was to tell them in Connecticut, there was such a farm as this away down east here in Nova Scotia, they wouldn't believe me — why there aint such a location in all New England. The Deacon has a hundrt^d acres of dyke— Seventy, said the Deacon, only seventy. Well, seventy ; but then there is your fine deep bottom, ^ !.y I could run a ramrod into it — Interval, we call it, said the Deacon, who though evidently pleased at this eulogium, seemed to wish the experiment of the ramrod to be tried in the right place — Well, interval if you please (though Professor Eleazer Cumstick, in his work on Ohio, calls them bottoms), is just as good as dyke. Then there is that water privi- lege, worth 3,000 or 4,000 dollars, twice as good as what Governor Cass paid 15,000 dollars for. I wonder. Deacon, you don't put up a carding mill on it: the same works would carry a turning lathe, a shingle machine, a circular saw, grind bark, and— — Too old, said the Deacon, too old for all those speculations — Old, repeated the Clockmaker, not you ; why you are worth half a dozen of the young ^ men we see, now a-days, you are young enough to have — here he M said something in a lower tone of voice, which I did not distinctly ^. hear; but whatever it was, the Deacon was pleased, he smiled and '^^ said he did not think of such things now. :j But your beasts, dear me, your beasti must be put in and have a I feed; saying which, he went out to order them to be taken to the stable. As the old gentleman closed the door after him, Mr. Slick drew near to me, and said in an under tone, that is what I call ^' soji sawder." An Englishman would pass that man as a sheep passes a hog in a pasture, without looking at him ; or, said he. looking rather archly, if he was mounted on a pretty smart horse, I guess he'd trot away, if lie could. Now I find — Here his lecture on " soft sawder'" was cut short by the entrance of Mrs. Flint. Jist come to say good bye. Mrs. Flint. What, have you sold all your clocks? yes, and very low, too, *'. money is scarce, and I wished to clbse I »i I A THE CLOCKMAKEK. the concarn ; no, I am wrong in saying all, for I have just ono left. Neighbour Steel's wife asked to have the rc/usal of it, but I guess I won't sell it ; I had but two of them, th.s one and the feller of it that I sold Governor Lincoln. General Green, the Secretary of State for Maine, said he'd give me 50 dollars for this here one — it has composition wheels and patent axles, it is a beautiful article — a real first chop — no mistake, genuine superfine, |)ut I guess I'll take it back; and beside. Squire Hawk might think Kinder harder that I did not give him the offer. Dear me, said Mrs. Flint, I should like to see it; where is it? It is in a chest of mine over the way, at Tom Tape's store. 1 guess he can ship it on to Eastport. That's a good man, said Mrs. Flint, jist let's look at it. Mr. Slick, willing to oblige, yielded to these entreaties, and soon produced the clock — a gawdy, highly varnished, trumpery looking aflair. He placed it on the chimney-piece where its beauties were pointed out and duly appreciated by Mrs. Flint, whose admiration was about ending in a proposal, when Mr. Flint returned from giving his directions about the care of the horses. The Deacon praised the clock, he too thought it a handsome one ; but the Deacon was a prudent man, he had a watch — he was sorry, but he had no oc- casion for a clock. I guess you're in the wrong furrow this time. Deacon, it an't for sale, said Mr. Slick; and if it was, I reckon neighbour Steel's wife would have it, for she gives me no peace about it. Mrs. Flint said, that Mr. Steel had enough to do, poor man, to pay his interest, without buying clocks for his wife. It's no concarn of mine, said Mr. Slick, so long as he pays me, what he has to do, but I guess I don't want to sell it, and besides it comes too high ; that clock can't be made at Rhode Island under 40 dollars. Why it an't possible, said the Clockmaker, in [apparent surprise, looking at his watch, why as I'm alive it is 4 o'clock, and if I hav'nk been two hours here— how on airth shall I reach River Philip to- night? I'll tell you what, Mrs. Flint, I'll leave the clock in your care till I return on my way to the States-r-I'll set it a-going and put it to the right time. As soon as !his operation #ivas performed, he delivered the key to the Deacon with a sort of serio-rcomic injunction to wind up the clock 9very Saturday night, which Mrs. Flint said she would take care should be done, and promised to remind her husband of it, in case he should chance to forget it. That, said the Clockmaker, as soon as we were mounted, that I (:all ' human natur /' Now that clock is sold for 40 dollars — it cost me just 6 dollars and 50 cents. Mrs. Flint will never let Mrs. Steel have the refusal — nor will the Deacon learn until I call for the clock that having once indulged in the use of a superfluity, how didici^lt it is to give it up. We can do witliout any article of luxury THE SILENT GIRLS. we have never had, but when once obtained, it is not *in human- natur' to surrender it voluntarily. Of fifteen thousand sold by myself and partners in this Province, twelve thousand were left in this manner, and only ten clocks were ever returned— when we called for them they invariably bought them. We trust to *8oft sawder' to get them into the house, and to ' human natur' that they never come out of it. CHAPTER III. THE SILENT GIRLS. M Do you see them are swallows, said the Clockmaker, how low Ihey fly? Well, I presume, we shall have rain right away, and them noisy critturs, them gulls, how close they keep to the water down there in the Shubenacadie ; well that's a sure sign. If we study natur, we don't wont no thermometer. But I guess we shall be in time to get under cover in a shingle-maker's shed, about three miles ahead on us. Wehadjust reached the deserted hovel when the rain fellin torrents. I reckon, said the Clockmaker, as he sat himself down on a bundle of shingles, I reckon they are bad ofT for inns in this country. When a feller is too lazy to work here, he paints his name over his door, and calls it a tavern, and as like as not he makes the whole neighbourhood as lazy as himself — it is about as easy to find a good inn in Halifax, as it is to find wool on a goat's back. An inn, to be a good concarn,must be built a purpose, you can no more make a good tavern out of a common dwelling-house, I expect, than a good coat out of an old pair of trowsers. They are eternal lazy, you may depend — now there might be a grand spec made there, in building a good Inn and a good Church. What a sacrilegious and unnatural union, said I, with most unaffectod surprise. Not at all, said Mr. Slick, we build both on speculation in the States, and make a good deal of profit out of 'em too, I tell you. We look out a good sightly place, in a town like Halifax, that is pretty considerably well peopled with , folks that are good marks ; and if there is no real right down good preacher among them, we build a handsome Church, touched off like a New- York liner, a real taking, looking thing — and then we look out for a preacher, a crack man, a regular ten-horse-power chap — well, we hire him, and we have to give pretty high wages too, say twelve hundred or sixteen hundred dollars a year. We take him at first on •rial for a Sabbath or two, to try his paces, and if he takes with the !fr mmmm h '■ THE CLOOKMAKER. ^1^ \ I Ii 'i ^ i'i' M ill folks, if he goes down well we clinch the bargain, and let and sell the pews; and I tell you it pays well and makes a real good investment. There were few better specs among us than Inns and Churches, until the Railroads came on the carpet— as soon as the novelty of the new preacher wears olT, we hire another, and that keeps up the steam. I trust it will be long, very long, my friend, said I, ere the rage for speculation introduces " the money-changers into the temple," with us. Mr. Slick looked at me with a most ineffable expression of pity and surprise. Depend on it, sir, said he, with a most philosophical air, this Province is much behind the intelligence of the age. But if it is behind us in that respect, it is a long chalk ahead on us in others. « I never seed or heard tell of a country that had so many natural pri- vileges as this. Why there are twice as many harbours and water powers here, as we have all the way from Eastport to New Orleens. They have all they can ax, and more than they desarve. They have iron, coal, slate, grindstone, lime, firestone, gypsum, freestone, i^nd a list as long as an auctioneer's catalogue. But they are either asleep, or stone blind to them. Their shores are crowded with fish, and their lands covered with wood. A government that lays as light on 'em as a down counterpin, and no taxes. Then look at their dykes. The Lord seems to have made 'em on purpose for such lazy folks. U you were to tell the citizens of our country that these dykes had been cropped for a hundred years without manure, they'd say, they guessed you had seen Col. Crockett, the greatest hand at a flam in our nation. You have heerd tell of a man who could'nt see London for the houses, I tell you, if we had this country, you couldn't see the harbours for the shipping. There'd be a rush of folks to it, as there is in one of our inns, to the dinner table, when they sometimes get jammed together in the door-way, and a man has to take a running leap over their heads, afore he can get in. A little nigger boy in New York found a diamond worth 2,000 dollars ; well, he sold it to a watchmaker for 50 cents— the little critter didn't know no better. ,Vour people are just like the nigger hoy^ they dorit knorc the value ^ tlieir diamond. Do you know the reason monkeys are no good? because they chatter all day long — so do the niggers— and so do the blue-noses of Nova Scotia— jts all talk and no work ; now, with us its all work and no talk — in our shipyards, our factories, our mills, and even in our 'vessels, there's no talk — a man can't work and talk too. I guess if you were at the factories at Lo'^el we'd show you a wonder— ^w hundred galls at work togetlier All in silence. I don't think our great country has such a real natural curiosity as that — I expect the ^orld don't contain the beat of that; for a woman's tongue goes so CONVERSATIONS AT THE RIVER PHILIP. and sell the investment, irches, until ' of the new the steam, re the rage lie temple/' of pity and ophical air, But if it is n others. 'I natural pri- i and water Bw Orleens. They have lestone, and ther asleep, ;h fish, and as light on their dykes. zy folks. U es had been I say, they flam in our London for dn't see the it, as there netimes get a running boy in New iold it to a no better. w the value slick of itself, without water power or steam, and moves so easy oo • its hinges, that its no easy matter to put a spring stop on it, I tell you —it comes as natural as drinkin mint julip. I don't pretend to s;iy the galls don't pullify the rule, sometimes at intermission and arter hours, but when they do, if they don't let go, then its a pity. You have heerd a school come out of little boyf . Lord, its no touch to it ; or a flock of geese at it, they are no more a match for 'em than a pony is for a coach-horse. But when they are at work, all's as still as sleepand no snoring. I guess we have a right to brag o' that invention — we trained the dear critters, so they don't think of striking the minutes and seconds no longer. Now the folks of ^alifax take it all out in talking— they talk of steam-boats, whalers, and rail-roads-rrbut they all end where they begin— 4n talk. I don't think I'd be out in my latitude, if I was to say they beat the women kind at that. One fellow says, I talk of going to England— another says, I talk of going to the Country—^ while a third says, I talk of going to sleep. If we happen to speak of such things, we say, * I'm right otf down East; or I'm away off South,' and away we go jist like a streak of lightning. When we want folks to talk, we pay 'em for it, such as ministers^ lawyers, and members of congress ; but then we expect the use of their tongues, and not their hands; and when we pay folks^to work, we expect the use of their hands, and not their tongues. I guess work don't come kind o' natural to the people of this province, no more than it does to a full-bred horse. I expect they think they have a little too much blood in 'em for work, for they are near about m proud as they are lazy. Now the bees know how to sarve out such chaps, for they have their drones too. Well, they reckon its no fun, a making honey all summer, for these idle critters to eat all winter — so they give 'em Lynch Law. They have a regular built mob of citijsens, and string up the drones like the Vixburg gamblers. Their maxim is, and not a bad one neither, I guess, * na work no honey,' hey chatter 168 of Nova otk and no ven in our I guess if )nder— ;^w think our expect the lie goes so CHAPTER IV. CONVERSATIONS AT THE RIVER PHILIP. It was late before wo arrived at Pugnose's Inn — the evening,wa& cool, and a fire was cheering and comfortable. Mr. Slick declined any share in the bottle of wine, he said he was dyspeptic ; and a glass or two soon convinced me, that it was likely to produce in me some- 10 TfIG CLOCK MA KI:R; thing worse than ilyspepsy. It was speedily removed, and we drew up to the fire. Taking a small penknife Trom his pocket, he began to whittle a thin piece of dry wood, which lay on the hearth, and, after musing some time, said, I guess you've never been in the States. I replied that I had not, but that before I returned to England I proposed visiting that country. There, said he, you'll see the great Daniel Webster — he's a great man, I tell you ; King William, number 4, I guess, would be no match for him as an orator — he'd talk him out of sight in half an hour. If he was in your House of Commons, I reckon he'd make some of your great folks look pretty streaked — he's a true patriot and statesman, the first in our country, and a most particular cute Lawyer. There was a Quaker chap too cute for him once tho*. This Quaker, a pretty knowin' old shaver, had a cause down to Rhode Island ; so he went lo Daniel to hire him to go down and plead his case for him ; so says he, Lawyer Webster, what's your fee? Wfey, says Daniel, let me see, I have to go down south to Washington, to plead the great insurance case of the Hartford Com- pany — and I've got to beat Cincinnati to attend the Convention, and I don't see how I can go to Rhode Island without great loss and great fatigue ; it would cost you, may be, more than you'd be willing to give. Well, the Quaker looked pretty white about the gills, I tell you, when he heard this, for he could not do without him no how, and he did not like this preliminary talk of his at all — at last he made bold to ask him the M'orst of it, what he would take? Why, says Daniel, I always liked the Quakers, they are a quiet peaceable people who never go to law if they can help it, and it would bo better for our great country if there were more such people in it. I never seed or heerd tell of any harm in 'em, except going the whole figure for Gineral Jackson, and that everlastin' almighty villain. Van Buren ; yes, I love the Quakers, I hope they'll go the Webster ticket yet — and I'll go for you as low as I can any way afTord, say 1,000 dollars. The Quaker well nigh fainted when he heerd this ; but he was pretty deep too ; so says he, Lawyer, that's a great deal of money, but I have more causes there; if I give you the 1,000 dollars will you plead the other cases I shall have to give you? Yes, says Daniel, I will to the best of my humble abilities. So down they went to Rhode Island, and Daniel tried the case and carried it for the Quaker. Well, the Quaker he goes round to all the folks that had suits in court, and says he, what will you give me if I get the great Daniel to plead for you? It cost me 1,000 dollars for a fee, but now he and I are pretty thick, and as he is on the spot, I'd get him to plead cheap for you — so ho got three hundred dollars from one, and two from anotiier, and soon, until he got eleven hundred dollars, jist one hun- CONVERSATIONS AT THE RIVER PHILIP. 11 dred dollars more than ho gave. Daniel was in a great rage when he heerd this; what, said he, do you think I would agree to your let-t ting me out like a horse to hire? Friend Daniel, said the Quaker, didst ^hou not undertake to plead all such cases as I should have to give thee? If thou wilt not stand to thy agreement, neither will I stand to mine. Daniel laughed out ready to split his sides at this. Well, says he, I guess I might as well stand still for you to put the bridle on this time, for you have fairly pinned me up in a Corner of the fence any how — so he went good humouredly to work and plead- ed them all. This lazy fellow, Pugnose, continued the Glockmaker, that keeps this inn, is going to sell ofT and go to the States; he says he has to work too hard here ; that the markets are dull, and the winters too long; and he guesses he can live easier there; I guess he'll find his mistake afore he has been there long. Why our country aint to bo compared to this, on no account whatever; our country never made us to be the great nation we are, but we made the country. How on airth could Me, if we were all like old Pugnose, as lazy, as ugly, make that cold thin soil of New-England produce what it does? Why, sir, the land between Boston and Salem would starve a flock of geese; and yet look at Salem, it has more cash than would buy Nova Scotia from the King. We rise early, live frugally, and wor'k late : what we get we take care of. To all this we add enterprise and intelligence — a feller who finds work too hard here, had better^y not go to the States, t met an Irishman, one Pat Lannigan, last week, who had just returned from the States ; why, says I, Pat, what on airth brought you back? Bad luck to them, says Pat, if I warn't properly bit. What do you get a day in Nova Scotia? says Judge Beler to me. Four shillings, your Lordship, says I. There are no ' Lords here, says he, we are all free. Well, says he, I'll give you asj much in one day as you can earn there in two ; I'll give you eight shillings. Long life to your Lordship, says I. So next day to it I went with a party of men a-digging a piece of canal, and if it wasn't a hot day my name is not Pat Lannigan. Presently I looked up and straightened my back, says I to a comrade of mine, Mick, says I, I'm very dry ; with that, says the overseer, we don't allow gentlemen to talk at their work in this country. Faith, I soon f >und out for my two days' pay in one, I had to do two days' work in one, and pay two weeks' board in one, and at the end of a month I found myself no better off in pocket than in Nova Scotia ; while the devil a bone in my body that didn't ache with pain, and as for my nose it took to bleeding, and bled day and night entirely. Upon my soul, Mr. Slick, said he, the poor labourer docs not last long in your country; what >vith new rum, hard labour, and hot weather, you'll see the graves ^ n in THE CLOCKMAKER. Hi' '1 I, Iff III II [ of tiio Irish each side of the canals, for all the world like two rows of potatoes in a Held that have forgot to come up. It is a land, sir, continued the Glockmaker, of hard work. We have two kind of slaves, the niggers and the while slaves. All Eu- ropean labourers and blacks who come out to us, do our hard bodily work, while we direct it to a profitable end ; neither rich nor poor, high nor low, with us, eat the bread of idleness. Our whole capital is in active operation, and our whole population is in active employment. An idle fellow, likepugnose, who runs away to us, is clapt into harness afore he knows where he is, and is made to work ; like a horse that re- fuses to draw, he is putinto the Team-boat; he finds some before him, and others behind him* ^ must either draw f or he dragged to death. CHAPTER V. JIISTICB PETTIFOG. In the morning the Glockmaker informed me that a Justice's Court was to be held that day at Pugnose's Inn, and he guessed he could do a little business among the country folks that would be assem- bled there. Some of them, he said, owed him for clocks, and it would save him the world of travelling, to have the Justice and Con- stable to drive them up together. If you want a fat v/ether, there's nothing like penning up the whole flock in a corner. I guess, said he, if General Campbell knew what sort of a man that are magistrate was, he'd disband him pretty quick, he's a regular suck-egg — a dis- grace to the country. I guess if he acted that way in Kentucky, he'd get a breakfast of cold lead some morning, out of the small eend of a rifle, he'd iind pretty difficult to digest. They tell me he issues three hundred writs a year, the cost of which, including that itarnation Constable's fees, can't amount to nothing less than 3,000 dollars per annum. If the Hon. Daniel Webster had him afore a jury, I reckon he'd turn him inside out, and slip him back again, as quick as an old stocking. He'd paint him to the life, as plain to be known as the head of Gineral Jackson. He's jist a fit feller for jLynch law, to be tried, hanged, and damned, all at once— there's more nor bim in the country — there's some of the breed in every country in the Province, jist one or two to do the dirty work, as we keep niggers for jobs that would give a white man the cholera. They ought to pay his passage, as we do with such critters, tell him his place is taken in the Mail Coach, and if he is found here after twenty-four hours, they'd make a carpenter's plumb-bob of him, and JUSTICE PETTIFOG. 13 lice's Court d he could 1 be assem- »cks, and it pe and Gon- ler, there's guess, said magistrate !gg— a dis- Kentucky. the small tell me he lluding that than 3.000 lim afore a k again, as jas plain to t feller for !e— there's in every |ork, as we te cholera. , tell him here after f him, and liang him outside the church steeple, to try if it was perpendicular. He almost always gives judi;ment for plaintiff, and if tho poor defendant . has an ofTset, he makes him sue it, so that it grinds a grist both ways for him, like the upper and lower millstone. People soon began to assemble, some on foot, and others on horse- back and in waggons-^Pugnose's tavern was all bustle and confu- sion — Plaintifis, Defendants, and witnesses, all talking, quarrelling, explaining, and drinking. Here come's the Squire, said one ; I'm thinking his horse carries more roguery than law, said another; they must have been in proper want of timber to make a justice of, said a third, when they took such a crooked stick as that ; sap- I leaded enough too for refuse, said a stout looking farmer; may be so, said another, but as hard at the heart as a log of elm ; hox^soitievetf said a third, 1 hope it wont be long afore he has the wainy edge scored off of him, any how. Many more such remarks were made, all drawn from familiar objects, but all expressive of bitterness and contempt. He carried one or two large books with him in his gig, and a con- siderable roll of papers. As soon as the obsequious Mr. Pugnose saw him at the 'door, he assisted him to alight, ushered him into the " best room," and desired the constable to attend " the Squite." The crowd immediately entered, and the constable opened the court in due form, and commanded silence. Taking out a long list of causes, Mr. Pettifog commenced reading the names — James Sharp versus John Slug — call John Slug ; John Slug being duly called, and not answering, was defaulted, tn this manner he proceeded to default some 20 or 30 persons ; at last he 1 came to a cause, William Hare versus Dennis O'Brien — call Dennis I O'Brien; here I am, said a voice from the other room^here I am, iwho has anything to say to Dennis O'Brien? Make less noise, sir, said the Justice, or I'll commit you. Commit me, is it, said Dennis, take care then. Squire, you don't commit yourself. You Ate sued by William Hare for three pounds for a month's board and lodging, what have you to say to it? Say toil, said Dennis, did you ever hear 'what Tim Doyle said when he was going to be hanged for stealing a pig? says he, if the pig hadn't squeeled in the bag, I'd never have been found out, so I wouldn't — so I'll take warning by Tim Doyle's fate ; I say nothing, let him prove it. Here Mr. Hare was called upon for his proof, but taking it for granted that the board would be admitted, and the defence opened, he was not prepared with proof. I demand, said Dennis, I demand anunsuit. Here there was a consul- tation between the Justice and the Plaintiff, when the .lustice said, I shall not nonsuit him, I shall continue the cause. What, hang it up till next Court — you had better hang me up then at once — how can » poor man come here so often — this may be the entertainment Pug- IV -J iA*^ til 14 TUB CLOCKMAKER. It <: I) 1) •I Y no8c advertises for horses, but by Jacquers, it is no cntortaifimcnC fur mc'"! admit, then, souncr than come again, 1 admit it. You admit you owe him throe pounds then for a month's board? I ad- mit no such thing, I say I boarded with him a month, and was like Pat Moran's cow at the end of it, at the lifting, bad luck to him. A neighbour was here called, who proved that tho three pounds might bo the usual price. And do you know I taught his children to write at the school, said Dennis — You might, answered the witness — And what is that worth If 1 don't know — You don't know, faith I believe you're right, said Dennis, for if the children are half as big rogues as the father, they might leave writing alone, or they'd be like to be hanged for forgery. Here Dennis produced his account for teaching five children, two quarters, at 9 shillings a quarter each, 41. lOSi I am sorry, Mr. O'Brien, said the Justice, very sorry, but your defence will not avail you, your account is too large for one Justice, any sum over three pounds must be sued before two magistrates— But I only want to ollset as much as will pay the board — It can't be done in this shape, said the magistrate ; I will consult Justice Doolittle^ my neigh- bour, and if Mr. Hare won't settle with you, I will sue it for you. Well, said Dennis, all I have to say is> that there is not so.big a rogue as Hare on the whole river, save and except one scoundrel who shall be nameless, making a significant and humble bow to the Justice^ Here there was a general laugh throughout the Court — Dennis retired to the next room to indemnify himself by another glass of grog, and venting his abuse against Hare and the Magistrate. Disgusted at the gross partiality of the Justice, I also quitted th'e Court, fully concur-^ ring in the opinion, though not in the language, that Dennis was giving utterance to in the bar-room. Pettifog owed his elevation to his interest at an election. It is to be hoped that his subsequent merits will be as promptly rewarded, 1 by his dismissal from a bench which he disgraces and defiles by hi» \ presence. CHAPTER VI. '% ANECDOTES. ',1 As we mounted our horses to proceed to Amherst, groups of coun- try people were to be seen standing about Pugnose's inn, talking over the events of the morning, while others were dispersing to their se- veral homes. A pretty prime superfine scoundrel, that Pettifog, said the Clock- maker; he and his constable are well mated, and they've travelled in ANECDOTCS. 1ft the same gear so long together, that they make about as nice a yoke or rascals, as you'll meet in a day's ride. They pull together like; one rope reeved through two blocks. That are constable was cen almost strangled t'other day ; and if he hadn't had a little grain more wit than his master, I guess he'd had his wind-pipe stopped as tight iis a bladder. There is an outlaw ot a feller here, for all the world like one of our Kentucky^ Squatters, one Bill Smith — a critter that neither fears man nor devil. SlierilY and constable can make no hand of him — they can't catch him no how ; and if they do come up with him, he slips through their fingers like an eel : and then, he gues armed, and ho can knock the eye out of a squirrel with a ball, at fifty yards hand running — a regular ugly customer. Well, Nabb, the constable, had a writ agin him, and he was cypher- ing a good while how he should catch him; at last ho hit on a plan that he thought was f : ofty clover, and he scheemed for a chance to try it. So one day Ik heard that Bill was up at Pugnose's Inn, a settling some business, and was likely to be there all night. Nabb waits till it was considerable late in the evening, and then he takes his horse and rides down to the Inn, and hitches his beast behind the hay-stock. Then Jie crawls up to the window and peeps in, and watches there till Bill should go to bed, thinking the best way to catch them are sort of animals is to catch them asleep. Well, ha kept Nabb a waiting outside so long, with his talking and singing, that he well nigh fell asleop first himself; at last Bill began to strip for bed. First he takes out a long pocket pistol, examines the primings and lays it down on the table, near the head of the bed. When Nabb sees this, he begins to creep like all over, and feel kinder ugly, and rather sick of his job ; but when he seed him jump [into bed, and heerd him snore out a noise like a man driving pigs to Iraarket, he plucked up courage, and thought he might do it easy arter fall if he was to open the door softly and make one spring on him afore he could wake. So round he goes, lifts up the latch of his door as soft as soap, and makes a jump right atop of him, as he lay on the bed. I guess I got you this time, said Nabb. I guess so too,- said Bill, but I wish you wouldn't lay so plaguy heavy on me — ^jist turn over, that's a good fellow, will you ? With that. Bill lays his arm on him to raise him up, for he said he was squeezed as flat as a pancake, and afore Nabb knew where he was, Bill rolled him right over, and was atop of him. Tncn he seized him by the throat, and twisted his pipe, till his eyes were as big as saucers, his tongue grew six inches longer, while he kept making faces, for all the world like the pirate that was hanged on Monument Hill, at Bos- ton. It was pretty hear over with him, when Nabb thought of his spurs ; so he just curled up both heels, and drove the spurs right into him ; he let him have it jist below his cruper; as Bill ^as naked, he • look behind, and see if there's a bank near hand 'em. A bear always goes down a tree starn foremost. He is a cunning critter, he knows taiile safe to carry a heavy load 0'\}r his head, and his rump is so heavy, he don't like to trust it ovjr hisn, for fear it might take u lurch, and .carry him heels over h^^nd to the ground; so 1« THE CLOCKMAKER. !' ' ii4 he lets his starn down first, and liis head arter. I wish the blue^ noses would find as good an excuse in their rumps for running back- wards as he has. But the bear ** cyphers" he knows how many pounds his hams weigh, and he ** calculates" if he carried them up in the air, they might be top heavy for him. If we had this Province we'd go to work and ** cypher" right olT. Halifax is nothing without a river or back country; add nothing to nothing, and I guess you have nothing still — add a Railroad to the Bay of Fundy, and how much do you git ? That requires cyphering —it will cost 300,000 dollars, or 75,000 pounds your money — jfdd for notions omitted in the addition column, one third, and it makes even money — 100,000 pounds. Interest at 5 per cent. 5,000 pounds a year, now turn over the slate and count up freight — I make it up-^ wards of 25,000 pounds a year. If I had you at the desk, I'd shew you a bill of items. Now comes " subtraction " deduct 'jostof en- gines, wear and tear, and expenses, and what not, and reduce it for shortness down to 5,000 pounds a year, the amount of interest. What figures have you got now ? you have an investment that pays interest, I guess, and if it don't pay more then I don't know chalk from cheese. But suppose it don't, and that it only yields 2^ per cent, (and it requires good cyphering, I tell you, to say how it would act with folks that like going astarn better than going ahead], what would them are wise ones say then ? Why the critters would say it won't pay ; but I say the sum ant half stated. Can you count in your head? Not to any extent, said I. Well, / that's an etarnal pity, said the Clockmaker, for I should like to show I you Yankee Cyphering. What is the entire real estate of Halifax worth, at a valeation ? I really cannot say. Ah, said he, I see you don't cypher, and Latin and Greek won't do ; them are people had no railroads. Weil, find out, and then only add ten per cent, to it, for increased value, and if it don't give the cost of a railroad, then my name is not Sam Slick. Well, the land between Halifax and Ardoise is worth nothing, add 5 per cent, to that, and send the sum to the College, and ax the students how much it comes to. But when you get into Hants County, I guess you have land worth com- ing all the way from Boston to see. His Royal Highness the King, I guess, hasn't got the like in his dominions. Well, add 15 per cent, to all them are lands that border on Windsor Basin, and 5 per cent, to what butts on basin of Mines, and then what do you get? A pretty considerable surti I tell you — but its no use to give you the cluilJcSy if you can't ke6p the ^rt//i6s. ^ ^)iw{rjr>-y- Now we will lay down the schoolmaster's assistant and take up an- other book every bit and grain as good as that, although (hese folks affect to sneer at it — I mean human natur. Ah I said I, a knowledge of that was of great service to you, certainly, in the sale of your clock \ % GO AHEAD. le upan- !e folks wledgc r clock to the old Deacon ; let us see how it will assist you now. What does a clock want that's run down ? said he. Undoubtedly to be. 1 wound up, I replied. I guess you've hit it this time. The folks of 1 Halifax have run down, and they'll never go to all etarnity, till they ' are wound up into motion ; the works are all good, and it is plaguy well cased and set — it only wants a key. Put this railroad into ope- ration, and the activity it will inspire into business, the new life it will give the place, will surprise you. It's like lifting a child off its crawling, and putting him on his legs to run — see how the Mttle crit- ter goes ahead arter that. A kurnel (I don't mean a Kurnel of mi-> litia, for we don't valy that breed o' cattle nothing-^they do nothing \ but strut about and screech all day, like peacocks] , but a kurnel of ) grain, when sowed, will stool into several shoots, and each shoot bear many kurnels, and will multiply itself thus — 4 times I is 4, and 4 times 25 is 100 (you see all natur cyphers, except the blue-noses) . Jist so, this here railroad will not perhaps beget other railroads, but it; will beget a spirit of enterprise, that will beget other useful improve-' ments. It will enlarge the sphere and the means of trade, open new sources of traffic and supply— develop resources — and what is of more value perhaps than all — beget motion. It will teach the folks that go astam or stand stock still like the state-house.in Boston (though they do say the foundation of that has moved a little this summer), not only to go ^* ahead!* hut to nullify time and space. Here his horse (who, feeling the animation of his master, had been restive of late) set off at a most prodigious rate of trotting. It was some time before he was reined up. When I overtook him, the Glockmaker said, this old Yankee horse, you see, understands our word ** go ahead" better nor these blue noses. WliM is it, he continued^ what is it, that * fetters* the heels of a younff country f and hangs like a *■ 2oke\around its neck? mhatre- t him, why ht you was I n't get on [n that are veas just as . Ifl don't oston. then nd for Sam pedo in the lo, send for es, and -tow t do, when lut the nut- ; we shall King Wil- s nine hun- I'lorida. In Bay Varte, ling vessels I. That's I believe f a road of imore say ; )wn a fence )d we shall dangerous. Invenience. itters don't folks, why S \\ ANDERINQ FROM THE TEXT. 23 makes such an eternal touss about her carpets, that I have to go along that everlasting long entry, and down both staircases, to the street door to spit ; and it keeps all the gentlemen a running with their mouths full all day. I had a real bout with a New Yorker this morning, I run down to the street door, and afore I seed any body a coming, I let go, and I vow if I didn't let a chap have it all over his white waistcoat. Well, he miikes a grab at me, and I shuts the door right to on his wrist, and hooks the door chain taught, and leaves him there, and into Marm Lecain's bed-room like a shot, and hides behind the curtain. Well, he roared like a bull, till black Lucretia, one of the house helps, let him go, and they looked into all the gentlemen's rooms and found nobody — so I got out of that are scrape. So, what with Marm Lecain's carpets in the house, and other folk's waistcoats in the street, its too nice a location for me, I guess, so 1 shall up killoch and off to-morrow to the Tree mont. Now, says the Professor, the St. John's folks are jist like Billings, Gfty cents would have bought him a spit box, and saved him all them are journeys (o the street door — and a canal at Bay Yarte would save the St. John's folks a voyage all round Nova Scotia. Why, they can't get at their own backside settlements, without a voyage most as long as one to Europe. If me had that are neck of land in Cumberland^ we' A have a ship canal there ^ and a town at each end of it as Ug as Portland. You may talk of Solomon, said the Profes- sor, but if Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like a lily of the field, neither was he in all his wisdom equal in knowledge to a real free American citizen. Well, said I, Professor, we are a most en- lightened people, that's sartain, but somehow I. don't like to hear you run down King Solomon neither; perhaps he warnt quite so wise as Uncle Sam, but then, said I (drawing close to the Professor, and whispering in his ear, for fear any folks in the bar room might hear me), but then, said I, may be he was every bit and grain as honest. Says he, Mr. Slick, there are some folks who think a good deal and say but little, and they are wise folks ; and there are others agin, who blart right out whatever comes uppermost, and I guess they are pretty considerable superfined darned fools. - And with that he turned right round, and sat down to his map, and never said another word, lookin' as mad as a hatter the whole blessed time. ( ■■ i-}i><-i'f You knew i^new him. the West other day you have a rm Lecain ■■HP ?4 THE CLOCKMAKEIt CHAPTER IX. YANKEE EATING AND HORSE FEEDING. f 11 , < . K. ././.-;.. Did you ever heer tellof Abernethy, a British doctor 7 said the Glock*^ maker. Frequently, said I, he, was an eminent man, and had a most extensive practice. Well, I reckon, he was a vulgar critter that, he replied, he treated thehonble. Alden Gobble, secretary to our legation at London, dreadful bad once; and I guess if it had been me he had used that way, Fd a fixed his flint for him, so that he'd think twice afore he'd fire such another shot as that are again. I'd a made him make tracks, I guess, as quick as a dog does a hog from a potato field. He'd a found his way out of the hole in the fence a plagy sight quicker than he came in, I reckon. His manner, said I, was certainly rather unceremonious at times, but he was so honest and so straightforward, that no person was, I believe, ever seriously offended at him. It was his may. Then his way was so plagy rough, continued the Glockmaker, that he'd been the better, if it had been hammered and mauled down smoother. I'd a levelled him as flat as a flounder. Pray what was his offence ^ said I. Bad enough you may depend. The honble. Alden Gobble was dyspeptic, and he suffered great oneasiness arter eatin, so he goes to Abernethy for advice. What's, the matter with you? said the Doctor, jist that way, without even passing the time o' day with him— What's the matter with you? said he. Why, says Alden, I presume I have the dyspepsy. Ah I said he, I see : a Yankee swallowed more dollars and cents than he can digest. I am an American citizen, says Alden, with great dig- nity ; I am Secretary to our Legation at the Court of St. James. The devil you are, said Abernethy ; then you'll soon get rid of your dys- pepsy. I don*t see that are inference, said Alden ; it don't follow from what you predicate at all — it an't a natural consequence, I guess, that a man should cease to be ill, because he is called by the voice of a free and enlightened people to fill an important office. (The truth is, you could no more trap Alden than you could an Indian. He could see other folks' trail, and made none himself; he was a real diplomatist, and I believe our diplomatists are allowed to be the best in the world.) But I tell you it does follow, said the Doctor; for in the company you'll have to keep, you'll have to eat like a Christian. It was an everlasting pity Alden contradicted him, for he broke Out like one ravin distracted mad. I'll be d— d, said he, if ever I saw a Yankee that didn't bolt his food whole like a Boa Constrictor. YANKEE EATING AND HORSE FEEDING. ts dtheGock-^ I had a most ter that, he our legation me he had think twice I made him )otato field. ;ht quicker IS at times, son was, I ay. Then ', that he'd I smoother. tisotrence^ ered great . What's, hout even with you ? psy. Ah I ts than he great dig- imes. The your dys- )n't follow quence, I led by the ice. (The in Indian, he was a I to be the 8 Doctor; }at like a he broke if ever I nstrictor. ' How the devil can you expect to digest food, that you neither take the trouble to dissect, nor time to masticate ? It's no wonder you lose your teeth, for you never use them ; nor your digestion, for you overload it; nor your saliva, for you expend it on the carpets, instead of your food. Its disgusting, its beastly. You Yankees load your stomachs as a Devonshire man does his cart, as full as it can hold> and as fast as ho can pitch it with a dung fork, and drive off; and then you complain that such a load of compost is too heavy for you. Dys- pepsy, eh 1 infernal guzzling you mean. I'll tell you what, Mr. v^jUvxyi Secretary of Legation, take half the time to eat, that you do to ^rawl out your words, chew your food half as much as you do your filthy tobacco, and you'll be well in a month. I don't understand such language, said Alden (for he was fairly ryled, and got his dander up, and when ho shows clear grit, he looks wicked ugly, I tell you), I don't understand such language. Sir; I came here to consult you professionally, and not to be— —Don't un- derstand ! said the Doctor, why its plain English ; but here, read my book— and he shoved a book into his hands and left him in an in- stant, standing alone in the middle of the room. If the honble. Alden Gobble had gone right away and demanded his passports, and returned home with the Legation, in one of our first class frigates (I guess the English would as soon see pyson as one o' them are Serpents), to Washington, the President and the people would have sustained him in it, I guess, until an apology was offered for the insult to the nation. I guess if it had been me, said Mr. Slick, I'd a headed him afore he slipt out o' the door and pinned him up agin the wall, and made him bolt his words agin, as quick as he throw'd 'em up, for I never see'd an Englishman that didn't cut his words as short as he does his horse's tail, close up to the stump. It certainly was very coarse and vulgar language, and I think, said I, that your Secretary had just cause to be offended at such an un- gentleman-like attack, although he showed his good sense in treating it with the contempt it deserved. It was plagy lucky for the doctor, I tell you, that he cut his stick as he did, and made himself scarce^ for Alden was an ugly customer; he'd a gin him a proper scalding— ^ 'r>^, he'd a taken the bristles off his hide as clean as the skin of a spring shote of a pig killed at Christmas. The Clockmaker was evidently excited by his own story, and to indemnify himself for these remarks on his countrymen he indalged for some time in ridiculing the Nova Scotians. Do you see that are flock of colts, said he (as we passed one of those beautiful prairies that render the vallies of Nova Scotia so ver- dant and so fertile), well, I guess they keep too much of that are stock. I heerd an Indian one day ax a tavern keeper for some rum; iivhy, Joe Spawdeeck, said he, I reckon you have got too much already. I >l 86 THE CLOCKMAKBR. /> UVI.V ,-\ i t t.' I! 7 Too much of any thing, said Joe, is not good, but too much rum is jist enough. I guess these bluc-noses think so bout their horses, tliey are fairly eat up by them, out of house and home, and they are no good neither. They beant good saddle horses, and they beant good draft beasts — they are jist neither one thing nor t'other. They are like the drink of our Connecticut folks. At mowing time they use molasses and water, OAStjf stutTonly fit to catch flies — it spiles good water and makes bad beer. No wonder the folks are poor. Look at >>^ put his ■est with d at last WIl they Bs them flitches, te a fair resume he goes has his THB ROAD TO A WOMAN *S HEART. SI l*^ H< IlH. beast, as they do a moose arter he is fairly run down ; so he runs fourteen miles, to ride two, because he is in a tarnation hurry. It's \ e'en a most equal to eatin' soup with a fork, when you are short of j time. It puts me in mind of catching birds by sprinkling salt on their ' tails ; it's only one horse a man can ride out of half a dozen, arter all. One has no shoes, t'other has a colt, one arnt broke, another has a sore back, while a fifth is so eternal cunnin, all Cumberland couldn't catch him, till winter drives him up to the barn for food- Most of them are dyke marshes have what they call * honey pota* in 'cm ; that is a deep hole all full of squash, where you can't find no bottom. Well, every now and then, when a feller goes to look for his horse, he sees his tail a stickin' right out an eend, from one of these honey pots, and wavin' like a head of broom corn ; and sometimes you see two or three trapped there, e'en a most smothered, everlastin' tired, half swimmin', half /adin', like rats in a molasses cask. When they find 'em in that are pickle, they go and get ropes, and tie 'em tight round their necks, and half hang 'em to make 'em float, and then haul 'em out. Awful looking critters they be, you may depend, when they do come out; for all the world like half drowned kittens —all slinkey slimey— with their great long tails glued up like a swab <^ <* of oakum dipped in tar. If they don't look foolish it's a pity I Well, ', '/A*-^ tbey have to nurse these critters all winter, with hot mashes, warm ' '^^ covering, and what not, and when spring comes, they mostly die, and if they don't, they are never no good arter. I wish with all my heart half the horses in the country were barrelled up in these here ' honey pots,' and then there'd be near about one half too many left for profit. Jist look at one of these barn yards in the spring — half a dozen half-starved colts, with their hair looking a thousand ways for Sunday, and their coats hangin' in tatters, and half a dozeii good for nothin' old horses, a crowdin' out the cows and sheep. Can you wonder that people mho keep such an unprofitable stockf come out of the small eend of the horn in the long run ? CHAPTER X. THE ROAD TO A WOMAn's HEART — THE BROKEN. HEART. As we approached the Inn at Amherst, the Clockmaker grew un- easy. Its pretty well on in the evening, I guess, said he, and Marm Pugwash is as onsartin in her temper as a mornin in April ; its all sunshine or all clouds with her, and if she's in one of her tantrums, she'll stretch out her neck and hiss, like a goose with a flock of gosh lins. I wonder what on airth Pugwash was a thinkin on, when he St THB OLOCKMAKER. h. V >.. signed articles of partnership with that are woman ; she's not a bad lookin piece of furniture neither, and its a proper pity sich a clever woman should carry such a stiiT upper lip — she reminds me of our (lid minister Joshua Hopewell's apple trees. The old minister had an orchard of most particular good fruit, for ho was a great hand at buddin, graftin, and what not, and the orchard (it was on the south side of the house) stretched right up to the road. Well, there were some trees hung over the fence, I never seed such Itearers, the apples hung in ropes, for all the world like strings of onions, and the fruit was beautifuK Nobody touched the minister's apples, and when other folks lost their'n from the boys, his'n always hung there like b^it to a hook, but there never was so much as a nibble at em. So I said to him one day. Minister, said I, how on airth do you manage to keep your fruit that's so exposed, when no one else cant do it nohow. Why, says he, they are dreadful pretty fruit, ant they? I guess, said I, there ant the like on 'em in all Con- necticut. Well, says he, I'll tell you the secret, but you needn't let on to no one about it. That are row next the fence I grafted it my- self, I took great pains to get the right kind, I sent clean up to Rox- berry, and away down to Squaw-neck Creek (I was .afeard he was agoin to give me day and date for every graft, being a terrible long- winded man in his stories), so says I, I know that, minister, but how do you preserve them? Why I was a goin' to tell you, said he, when you stopped me. That are outward row I grafted myself with the choicest I could find, and I succeeded. They are beautiful, but so eternal sour, no human soul can eat them. Well, the boys think the old minister's graftin has all succeeded about as well as that row, and they sarch no farther. They snicker at my graftin, and I laugh in- my sleeve, I guess, at their penetration. Now, Marm Pugwash is like the Minister's apples, very temptin fruit to look at, but desperate sour. If Pugwa.vh had a watery mouth when he married, I guess its pretty puckei y by this time. However, if she goes to act ugly, I'll give her a dose of *soft sawder,' that will take the frown out of her frontispiece, and make her dial-plate as smooth as a lick of copal varnish. Its a pity she's such a kickin' devil, too, for she has good points— good eye — foot — neat pastern — fine chest — a clean set of limbs, and carries a good . But here we are, now you'll see what * soft sawder' will do. When we entered the house, the traveller's room was all in dark- ness, and on opening the opposite door into the sitting room, we found the female part of the family extinguishing the fire for the night. idrs. Pugwash had a broom in her hand, and was in the act (the last act of female housewifery] of sweeping the hearth. The strong flicker- ing light of the fire, as it fell upon her tall fine figure and beautiful £ace, revealed a creature worthy of the Clockmakcr's comments. * w THE ROAD TO A WOMAN'S HEART. SO Good ovening, Marm, Mid Mr. Slick, how do you do, and how's Mr. Pugwash? Ho, said she, why he's heen abed this hour, you don't expoct to disturb him this timoof night I hope. Oh no, said Mr. Slicli, certainly not, and I am sorry to have disturbed you, but wc got detained longer than we expected; I am sorry that——. So iim I, said she, but if Mr. Pugwash will keep an inn when he has no uccasion to, his family can't expect no rest. Hero the Clockmaker, seeing the storm gathering, stooped down suddenly, and staring intently, held out his hand and exclaimed. Well, if that aint a beautiful child — come here, my little man, and shako hands along with me — well, I declare, if that are little feller aint the finest child I ever seed— what, not abed yet ? ah, you rogue, where did you get them are pretty rosy cheeks ; stole them from mamma, ch ? Well, I wish my old mother could see that child, it is such a treat. In our country, said he, turning to me, the children are all as pale as chalk, or as yaller as an orange. Lord, that are little feller would be a show in our country — come to me, my man. Here the ' soft sawder' began to operate. Mrs. Pugwash said in a milder tone than we had yet heard, ' Go, my dear, to the gentleman — go, dear.' Mr. Slick kissed him, asked him if he would go to the States along with him, told him all the little girls there would fall in love with him, for they didn't see such a beautiful face once in a month of Sun- days. Black eyes — let me sec — ah mamma's eyes too, and black hair also; as I am alive, why you are a mamma's own boy, the very image of mamma. Do be seated, gentlemen, said Mrs. Pugwash-— Sally, make a firo in the next room. She ought to be proud of you, he continued. Well, if I live to return here, I must paint your face, and have it put on my clocks, and our folks will buy the clocks for the sake of the face. Did you ever see, said he, again addressing me, such a likeness between one human and another, as between this beautiful little boy and his mother. I am sure you have had no supper, said Mrs. Pugwash to me ; you must be hungry and weary» too — I am sorry to give you so much trouble, suid I. Not the least trouble in the world, she replied, on the contrary, a pleasure. We were then shewn into the next room, where the fire was now blazing up, but Mr. Slick protested he could not proceed without the little boy, and lingered behind me to ascertain his age, and concluded by asking the child if he had any aunt that looked like mamma. As the door closed, Mr. Slick said, it's a pity she don't go well in gear. The difficulty with those critters is to get them to start, arter that there is no trouble with them if you don't check 'em too short. If you do, they'll stop again, run back and kick like mad, and then Old Nick himself wouldn't start 'em. Pugwash, I guess, don't under- stand the natur of the crilter : she'll never go kind in harness for him. irhen I see a ehilJ, aaiJ the Clockmaker ^ I always feel safe with 30 THE CLOCKMAKER. these womenfolk ; for I have always found that the road to a wo- maris heart lies through her child. You seem, said I, to understand the female heart so well, I make no doubt you are a general favourite among the fair sex. Any man, \ he replied, that understands horses, has a pretty considerable fair knowledge of women, for they are just alike in temper, and require the very identical same treatment. Incourage tJie timid ones^ he gentle and steady with the fractious, hut lather the sulky ones like Mazes. People talk an everlasting sight of nonsense about wine, women, and horses. I've bought and sold 'em all, I've traded in all of them, and I tell you, there aint one in a thousand that knows a grain about either on 'em. You hear folks say, Oh, such a man is an ugly grained critter, he'll break his wife's heart ; jist as if a woman's heart was as brittle as a pipe stalk. The female heart, as far as my ex- perience goes, is just like a new India Rubber Shoe; you may pull and pull at it, till it stretches out a yard long, and then let go, and it will fly right back to its old shape. Their hearts are made of stout leather, I tell you ; there is a plaguy sight of wear in 'em. I never knowed but one case of a broken heart, and that was in tother sex, one Washington Ranks. He was a sneezer. He was tall enough to spit down on the heads of your grenadiers, and near about high enough to wade across Charlestown River, and as strong as a tow-boat. I guess he was somewhat less than a foot longer than the moral law and catechism too. He was a perfect pictur of a man ; you couldn't fait him in no particular; he was so just a made critter; folks used to run to the winder when he passed, and say there goes Washington Banks, beant he lovely? I do believe there wasn't a gall in the Lowell factories, that warn't in love with him. Some- times, at intermission, on Sabbath days when they 'all came out together (an amasin hjnsom sight too, near about a whole congre- gation of young galls), Banks >ised to say, " I vow, young ladies, I wish I had five hundred arms t.o reciprocate one with each of you ; but I reckon I have a heart big enough for you all ; it's a whapper, you may depend, and every mite and morsel of it at your service." Well, how do you act, Mr. Banks, half a thousand little clipper clapper tongues would say, all at the same time, and their dear little eyes sparklin,' like so many stars twinklin' of a frosty night. Well, when I last see'd him, he was all skin and bone, like a horse turned out to die. He was teetotally defleshed, a mere walkin' ske- leton. I am dreadful sorry, says I, to sec you. Banks, lookin so leecked; why you look like a sick turkey hen, all legs; what on airth ails you? I am dyin, says he, of a broken Jieart. What, says I, have the galls been jiltin you? No, no, says he, I beant such a fool as that neither. Well, says 1, have you made a bad speculation ? MELANCHOLY FOREBODINGS. 31 No, says he, shakin his head, I hope I have too much clear grit in me to take on so bad for that. What under the sun is it, then ? said ; I. Why, says he, I made a bpt the fore part of summer with Lef- tenant Oby Knowles, that I could shoulder the best bower of the Constitution frigate. I won my bet, but tfie anclior was so eternal heavy it broke iny fieart. Sure enough he did die that very fall, and he was the oaly, instance I ever heerd tell of a broken heart. CHAPTER XI. CllIBEBLAND OYSTERS PRODUCB MELANCHOLY FOREBODINGS. The *soft sawder' of the Clockmaker had operated effectually on the beauty of Amherst, our lovely hostess of Pugwash's Inn : indeed, I am inclined to think with Mr. Slick, that * the road to a woman's heart lies through her child,' from the effect produced upon her by the praise bestowed on her infant boy. I was musing on this feminine susceptibility to flattery, when the door opened, and Mrs. Pugwash entered, dressed in her sweetest smiles, and her best cap, an auxiliary by no means required by her charms, which, like an Italian sky, when unclouded, are unrivalled in splendour. Approaching me, she said, with an irresistible smile. Would you like Mr. (here there was a pause, a hiatus, evi- dently intended for me to fill up with my name ; but that no per- son knows, nor do I intend they shall ; at Medley's Hotel, in Halifax, I was known as the stranger in No. I. The attention that incognito procured for me, the importance it gave me in the eyes of the master of the house, its lodgers, and servants, is indescribable. It is only great people who travel incog. State travelling is inconvenient and slow; the constant weight of form and etiquette oppresses at once the strf.'?th and the spirits. It is pleasant to travel unobserved, to stand at •*>=», or exchange the full suit for the undress coat and fatigue jacket. Wherever, too, there is mystery there is importance : there is no know- ing for whom I maybe mistaken — b'ltlet me once give my humble cognomen and occupation, and I sink immediately to my own level, to a plebeian station and a vulgar name : not even my beautiful hos- tess, nor my inquisitive friend, the Clockmaker, who calls me 'Squire', shall ex-tract that secret !) Would you like, Mr. Indeed I would, said I, Mrs. Pugwash, pray be seated, and tell me 'vhat it is. Would you like a dish of superior Shittyacks for supper? I.uleed I would, said I, again laughing; but pray tell me what it is? Laws mel said she with a stare, where have you been all your days, lh.it you never heard of our Shittyack Oysters? I thought every body had heerd 38 THE CLOCkMAKER. t^ 6;'.v of them. I beg pardon, said I, but I understood at Halifax, that the only oysters in this part of the world were found on the shores of Prince Edward Island. Oh! dear no, said our hostess, they are found all along the coast from Shittyack, through Bay of Vartes, away to Ramshay. The latter we seldom get, though the best; there is no regular conveyance, and when they do come, they hre generally /. shelled and in kegs, and never in good order. I have not had a rual good Ramshay in my house these two years, since Governor Mait- land was here ; he was amazin fond of them, and Lawyer Tolkemdeaf sent his carriage there on purpose to procure them fresh for him. Now we can't ffet them^ but we have the Shittyacks in perfection ; say the word and they shall be served up immediately. A good dish and an unexpected dish is most acceptable, and cer- tainly my American friend and myself did ample justice to the Oys- ters, which, if they have not so classical a name, have quite as good a flavour as their far-famed brethren of Milton. Mr. Slick eat so heartily, that when he resumed his conversation, he indulged in the most melancholy forebodings. Die you see that are nigger, said he, that removed the Oyster shells? well, he's one of our Chesapickers, one of General Cufiy's slaves. I wish Admiral Gockburn had a taken them all off our hands at the same rate. We made a pretty good sale of them are black cattle, I guess, to the British ; I wish we were well rid of 'em all. . Tfie Blacks and the JFhites in the Slates show their teeth and snarl, they are jist ready to fall to. The Protestants and Catholics begin to lay back their ears, and turn tall for kickin. The Abolitionists and Planters are at it like two bulls in a pastur. Mob-law and Lynclirlaw are working like yeast in a barrel, and frothing at the ^bung-hole. J\rulliJication and Tariff are like a charcoal pit, all covered up, but burning inside, and sending out smoke at every crack enough to stifle a horse. General Government and State Go- vernment every now and then square oif and sparr, and the first blow given will bring a genuine set-to. Surplus Revenue is another bone of contention ; like a shin of beef throwna raong a pack of dogs, it will set the whole on 'em by the ears. You have heerM tell of cotton rags dipt in turpentine, havn't you, how they produce combustion ? Well, I guess we have the elements of spontaneous combustion among us in abundance; .vhen it does break out, if you don't see an eruption of human gore worse than Etna lava, then I'm mistaken. There'll be the very devil to pay, that's a fact. I expect the blacks wiU butcher the Southern whites, and the Northerners will have to turn out and butcher them again ; and all this shoot, hang, cut, stab, and burn business, will sweeten uur folks' temper, as raw meat docs that of a dog— it fairly makes me sick to think on it. The explosion may clear the air again, and 1^ «."*.; J*" ^ ; MELANCHOLY FOREBODINGS. 33 all be tranquil once more, but its an even chance if it don't leave us the three steam-boat options, to be blown sky high, to be scalded to. death, or drowned. If this sad picture you have drawn be indeed true to nature, how does your country, said I, appear so attractive, as to draw to it so large a portion of our population ? It tante its attraction, said the Clockmaker ; its nothin but its power ot suction ; it is a great whirl- pool—a great vortex — it drags all the straw, and chipS; and floating sticks, drift wood and JiasbLinto it. The small crafts are sucked in,^ -y-ixyi/?.. ./ 7 and whirl round and round like a squirrel in a cage — they'll never come out. Bigger ones pass through at certain times of tide, and can come in and oi , with good pilotage, as they do at Hell Gate up the Sound. You astonish me, said I, beyond measure ; both your previous con- versations with me, and the concurrent testimony of all my friends vho have visited the States, give a different view of it. Your friends/ said the Clockmaker, with such a tone of ineflable contempt, that I felt a strong inclination to knock him down for his insolence — your friends! Ensigns and leftenants, I guess, from the British marchin regiments in the Colonies, that run over five thousand miles of coun- try in five weeks, on leave of absence, and then return, lookin as wise as the monkey that had seen the world. When they get back they are so chock full of knowledge of the Yankees, that it runs over of itself, like a hogshead of molasses, rolled about in hot weather — a white froth and scum bubbles out of the bung ; wishy washy trash they caM tours, sketches, travels, letters, and what not ; vapid stuff, jist swaet enough to catch flies, cockroaches, and half-fledged galls. It puts n\e i'-i mind of my French. I larnt French at night school one wiater, of oi>i minister, Joshua Hopewell (he was the most larned ma J Of tise ge, for he taught himself een amost every language in Europe) ; well, next spring, when I went to Boston, I met a French- man, and I hegan to jabber away French to him : * Polly woes a frenchshay, saysl. I don't understand Yankee yet, says he. You don't understant; I says I, why its French. I guess you didn't expect to hear such goou French, did you, away done east here ? but we speak it real well, and its generally allowed we speak English, too, better than the British. Oh, says he, you one very droll Yankee, dat very gor > joke, dare : you talk Indian and call it French. But, says I, Mister Mouit shear, it is French, I vow ; real merchantable, without wainy edg«^ ri >hakcs — all clear stuff; it will pass survey in any market — its reaoy stu(;k and seasoned. Oh, very like, says he, bowin as polito as a black waiter at New Orleens, very like, only I never heerd it afore; oh, very good French AaI— clear stuff) no doubt, but I no understand — i(;s all my fault, I dare say, Sare. 8 7 a i; i] )«! 1 1 HI! 34 THE CLOOKMARER. / Thinks I to myscK, a nml is as good as n wink to a blind Iiorso, I SCO how tho cat jumps — Minister knows so niany languages he hant been particular enough to keep 'ea> in separate parcels, and mark 'em on the back, and they've got mixed, and sure enough I found my French was so overrun with other sorts, that it was better to lose the whole crop than to go to weedin, for as fast as I pulled up any strange seodlin, it would grow right up agin as quick as wink, If there wasr the least bit of root in the world left in the ground, so I leil it all rot on the field. There is no way so good to larn French as to live among 'em, and if you w«w^ to tmderstand us, you must live among us, too,- your Halls, Ilamiltons, and De Rouses, and such critters, what can they know of us? Can a cliap catch a likeness flying along a railroad? can he even see the fea' ?? Old Admiral Anson once axed one of our folks afore our gloriou „ lution (if the British had a known us a little grain better at that tirh' , ihey wouldn't have got whipped like a sack as they did then) where he came from? From the Che- sapeeke, said ho. Aye, ayo, said the Admiral, from the West Indies. I guess, said the Sonthaner, yoji may have been clean round the world. Admiral, but yoo have been plaguy little in it, not to know better nor that. I shot a wild goose at River Philip last year, with the rice of Varginey fresh in his crop: he must have cracked on near about as fast as them other geese, the British travellers. Which know'd the most of the country they passed over, do you suppose? I guess it was much of a muchness — near about six of one, and a half dozen of tother; two eyes aint much better than one, if they are both blind. No, if you want to know all about us and the blue noses (a pretty considerable share of Yankee blood in them too, I tell you ; the old stock come from New England, and the breed is tolerable pure yet, near about one half apple scarce, and tother half molasses, all except to the Easlord, where there is a cross of the Scotch), jistax me and I'll tell you candidly. I'm not one of them that can't see no good points in my neighbour's critter, and no bad ones in my own ; I've seen too much of the world for that, I guess. Indeed, in a general way, I praise other folk's beasts, and keep dark about my own. Says I, when I meet Blue Nose mounted, that's a real smart horse of your'n, put him out, I guess he'll trot like mad. Well, he lets him have the spur, and the critter does his best, and then I pass him like a streak of lightning with mine. The feller looks all taken aback at that. Why, says he, that's a real clipper of your'n, I vow. Middlin, says I, (quite cool, as if I had heard that are same thing a thousand times), he's good enough for me, jist a fair trotter, and nothin to brag of. That goes uoar about as far agin in a general way, as a crackin and a boastiu THE AMERICAN EAGLE. 3& does. Never tell folks you can go a head on 'em> but do\i\ it spareg a great deal of t^lk, and helps them to save their breath to cool their; broth. //M.ty//>^';^'^ No, if you want to know the inns and the outs of the Yankees->-rve wintered them and summered them ; I know all their points, shape, make, and breed ; I've tried 'em alongside of other folks, and I know where they fall short, where they mate 'em, and where they have the advantage, about as well as some who think they know a plaguy sight more. It tante them that stare the most, that see the best always, I guess. Our folks have their faults, and I know them ( I warn't born blind, I reckon), but your friends, the tour writers, are a little grain too hard on us. Our old nigger wench had several dirty, ugly lookin children, and was proper cross in 'em. Mother used to say, ^Juno^ its Iwtter never to wipe a cMMs nose at ally I (juess^ than to wring it off." CHAPTER XII. THE AMERICAN EAGLE. m JisT look out of the door, said the Glockmaker, and see what a beautiful night it is, how calm, how still, how clear it is, beant it lovely? — I like to look up at them are stars, when I am away from home, they put me in mind of our national flag, and it is generally allowed to be the first flag in the univarse now. The British can whip all the world, and we can whip the British. Its near about the prettiest sight I know of, is one of our first class frigates, manned with otir free and enlightened citizens, all ready for sea ; it is like the great American Eagle, on its perch, balancing itself for a start on the broad expanse of blue sky, afeared of nothin of its kind, and president of all it surveys. It was a good emblem that we chose, warn't it? There was no evading so direct, and, at the same time, so con- ceited an appeal as this. Certainly, said I, the emblem was well chosen. I was particularly struck with it on observing the device on your naval buttons during the last war — an eagle with an anchor in ts claws. That was a natural idea, taken from an ordinary occiir'-enco : a bird purloining the anchor of a frigate — an article so useful and necessary for the food of its young. It was well chosen, and exhibited great taste and judgment in the artisL The emblem is more appropriate than you arc aware of — boasting of what you cannot perform — grasping at what you cannot attain— -an emblem of rii 86 THE CLOCKMAKER. arrogance and weakness, of ill-directed ambition and vulgar preten- sion. It is a common phrase, said he, ( with great composure ] among seamen, to say ' damn your buttons,' and 1 guess its natural for you to say so of the buttons of our navals ; I guess you have a right to that arc oath. Its a sore subject, that, I reckon, and I believe I hadn't ought to have spoken of it to you at all. Brag is a good dog, but hold fast is a better one. He was evidently annoyed, and with his usual dexterity gave vent to his feelings by a sally upon the blue-noses, who, he says, are a cross of English and Yankee, and therefore first cousins to us both. Perhaps, said he, that are eagle might with more propriety have been taken ofT as perched on an anchor, instead of holding it in his claws, and I think it would have been more nateral ; but I suppose it was some stupid foreign artist that made that are blunder — I never seed one vet that was equal (o ourn. If that Eagle is represented as trying what-A^ cant do^ its an honourable ambition arter all, but these blue-noses wont try what the^/ can do. They put me in mind of a great big Imlk of a horst i a i^art, that wont put his shoulder to the collar at all for all the lambastin in the world, but turns his head round and looks at you, as much as to say, ' what an evcrlastin heavy thing an empty cart is, isn't it?' ^n Owl should he tlieir emblem^ and the motto, * He sleeps all tJie days of his life.' The whole country is like this night ; beautiful to look at, but silent as the grave — still as death, asleep, becalmed. If the sea was always calm, said he, it would pyson the univarse ; no soul could breathe the air, it would be so uncommon bad. Stag- nant water is always onpleasant, but salt water, when it gets tainted, beats all natur ; motion keeps it sweet and wholesome, and that our minister used to say is one of the ' wonders of the great deep.' /This province is stagnant; it tante deep, like still water neither, Jfor its shaller enough, gracious knows, but it is motionless, noise- less, lifeless. If you have ever been to "jea in a calm, you'd know what a plagy tiresome thing it is for a man that's in a hurry. An everlasting flappin of the sails, and a creakin of the booms, and an onsteady pitchin of the ship, and folks lyin about dozin away thoir time, and the sea a heavin a long heavy swell, like the breathin of the chist of some great monster asleep. A passenger wonders the sailors are so plagy easy about it, and he goes a lookin out east, and a spyin out west, to see if there's any chance of a breeze, and says to himself, ' Well, if this aint dull music its a pily.' Then how streaked he fe^is when he sees a steamboat a clipping it by him like mad, and the folks on board pokfn fun at him, and askin him if he has any word to send home. Well, ho says, if THIS AMERICAN EAGLE. 3t any soul ever catches me on board a sail vessel, again, when I can go by steam, I'll give him leave to tell me of it, that's a fact. That's partly the case here. They are becalmed, and they see us going a head on them, till we are een almost out of sight ; yet ' they han't got a steamboat, and they han't got a rail-road ; indeed, I doubt if one half on 'em ever seed or heerd tell of one or tother of them. I never seed any folks like 'em except the Indians, and they wont even so much as look — they havn't the least morsel of curiosity in the world ; from which one of ourun itarian preachers ( they are dreadful hands at douhtin them. I dont doubt but that some day or another, they will doubt whether everything aint a doubt) in a very learned work, doubts whether they were ever descended from Eve at all. Old marm Eve's children, he says, \ are all lost, it is said, in consequence of too much, curiosity, while \ these copper coloured folks are lost from bavin too little . How can I they be the same? Thinks I, that may be logic, old Dubersome, but it an't sense, don't extremes meet? Now, these blue-noses have no motion in 'em, no enterprise, no spirit, and if any critter shows any symptoms of activity, they say he 's a man of no judgment, he's speculative, he's a schemer, in short, he's mad. They vegitate like a lettuce plant in sarse garden, they grow tall and spindlin, run to seed right off, grow as bitter as gaul, and die. A gall once came to our minister to hire as a house help; says she. Minister, I suppose you don't want a young lady to do chamber busi- ness and breed worms, do you? For I've half a mind to take a spell at livin out ( »he meant, said the Glockmaker, house work and rearing silk worms ). My pretty maiden, says he, a pattin her on the cheek ( for I've often observed old men always talk kinder plea- sant to women), my pretty maiden, where was you brought up? Why, says she, I guess I warn't brought at all, I growd up. Under what platform, says he ( for he was very particular that all his house helps should go to his meetin ) , under what Church platform? Church platform, says she, with a toss of her head like a young colt that got a check oi' the Quxb, I guess I warn't raised under a platform at all, but in as good a house as yourn, grand as you be. — You said well, said the old minister, quite shocked, when you said you growd up, dear, for you have grown up in great ignorance. Then I guess you had better gel; a lady that knows more than me, says she, that's flat. I reckon I am every bit and grain as good as you be — If I dont understand si bum-byx (silk worm) both feedin, breedin, and rearin, then I want to know who does, that's all; church platform', indeed, says she, I guess you were raised under a glass frame in March, and transplanted on Independence day, warn't you?. And ofTshesot, lookiri as scorney as a London lady, and leavin the podr minister standin starin like a stuck pig. Well, well, says he. a liftin 7 /■ •■ f ; $8 TUB CLOCKMAKER. up both hands, nnd (urnin up the whites of his eyes hko a duck in thunder, if that don't bang the bush ! t It fairly beats sheep shoarin, after the blackberry bushes have got the wool. It docs, I vow; them are (he tares tliem Unitarians sow in our grain fields at night; I guess they'll ruinate the crops yet, and make the grounds so ever- lastin foul, we'll have to pare the sod and burn it, to ^ill the roots. Our fathers sowed the right seed here in the wilderness, and watered it with their tears, and watched over it with fastin and prayer, and now its fairly run out, that's a fact, I snore. Its got choaked up with all sorts of (rash in natur, I declare. Dear, dear, I vow I never seed the beat o' that in all my born days. ■ Now the blue noses are like that are gall ; they have grown up, ' and grown up in ignoranee of many things they hadn't ought not to know ; and its as hard to teach grown up folks as it is to break a six year old horse ; and they do ryle one's temper so — they act so ugly that it temps one sometimes to break their confounded necks — its near about as much trouble as its worth. What remedy is there for all this supineness, said I; how can these people be awakened out of their ignorant slothfulness, into active exertion? The remedy, said Mr. Slick, it at hand-r-its already workin its own cure. They ^must recede before our free and enlightened citizens like the Indians: our folks will buy them out, and they must give place to a more (intelligent and ac-tive people. They must go to the lands of Labra- dor, or be located back of Canada ; they can hold on there a few years, until the wave of civilization reaches them, and then they must move !> A r/l^>> Agsiin as the savages do. It is decreed ; I hear the bugle of destiny c^' 'trSoundin of their retreat, as plain as anything. Congress will give themaconcessionof land, if they petition, away to Alleghany back- side territory, and grant thorn relief for a few years; for we are out ^ of debt, and don't know what to do with our surplus revenue. The only way to shame them, that I know, would be to sarve them as uncle Enoch sarved a neighbour of his in Yarginy. There was a lady that had a plantation near hand to his'n, and there was only a small river atwixt the two houses, so that folks could hear each other talk across it. Well, she was a dreadful cross- grained woman, a real catamount, as savage as as he bear that has ( cubs, an old farrow critter, as u'^ly as sin, and one that both hooked w^lv ;^,yanB kicked too — a most particular onmarciful she -devil, that's a fact. ' She used to have some of her niggers tied up every day, and flogged uncommon severe, and their screams and screeches vere horrid — no soul could stand it; nothin was heerd jAl day, but oh lord, Missus.' oh l&rdy Missus ! Enoch was fairly sick of the sound, for he was a tender-hearted man, and says he to her one day, Now do, marm, find out some other place to give your cattle the cowskin, for it wor- ries me to hear 'em tukc on so dreadful bad— I can't stand it, I vow; TUB AMERICAN EAQLE. S* they arc flesh and blood as well as wo be, though the mcnt is a difle- rent colour ; but it was no good — she jist up and told him to mind his own business, and she guessed she'd mind hern. Ho was deter- mined to shame her out of it ; so one mornin arter breakfast he goes 9into the cane field, and says he to Lavander, one of the black over- seers. Muster up the whole gang of slaves , every soul, and bring 'em down to the wippin post, the whole stock of them, bulls, cows, and calves. Well, away goes Lavender, and drives up all the nig- gers. Now you catch it, says he, you lazy villains ; I tole you so many a time — I tole you Massa he lose all patience wid you, you good for nolhin rascals. I grad, upon my soul, I worry grad; you mind now what old Lavender say anoder time. ( The black overseers are / always the most cruel, said the Glockmaker; they have no sort of/ feeling for their own people. ) Well, when they were gathered there according to orders, they looked streaked enough you may depend, thinkin they wore going to get it all round, and the wenches they fell to a cryin, wringin tl|pir hands, and boo-hooing like mad. Lavender was thero with his cowskin, grinnin like a chessy cat, and cracking it about, ready |pr business. Pick me out, says Enoch, four that have the loudest voices ; hard matter dat, Massa, dey all talk loud, dey all lub talk more better nor work-nle idle villains; better gib 'em all a little tickel, jist to teach 'em larf ou tother side of dc mouth: dat side bran new, they never use it yet. Do as I oder you, Sir, said Uncle, or I'll have you triced up, you cruel old rascal you. When they were picked out and sot by themselves, they hanged their heads, and looked like sheep goin to the shambles. Now, says Uncle Enoch, my Pickinin- iiics, do yoru sing out, as loud as Niagara, at the very tip eend of your voice — Don't kill n nigger, pray, Let him lib anoder day. Oh Lord Missus — Oh Lord Missus. My Inrk be very sore, No stand it any more. Oh Lord Missus — Oh Lord Missus. '" And all the rest of you join chorus, as loud as you can haul. Oh Lord Missus. The black rascals understood the joke real well. They larfed ready to split their sides : they fairly lay down on Iho ground, and rolled over and over with laftcr. Well, when they came to the chorus. Oh Lord Missus, if they didn't let go, its a pity. They made the river ring agin — they were heerd clean out to sea. All the folks ran out of the Lady's House, to see wliat on airth was the matter on Uncle Enoch's plantation— they thought there was actilly a rebellion there; but whqn they listened awhile, and heerd ii; over and over again, they took the hint and returned a larfin in their sleeves. Says they. Master Enoch Slick, he upsides with Missus this //. urf/.J ■^i^WWP^! ■V 40 THE CLOCKMAKER. h *j, hitch any how. Uncle never heerd anything more of Oh Lord MigiuSt after that. Yes, they ought to be shamed out of it, those blue-noses. When reason fails to convince, there is nothin left but ridicule. If they have no ambition, apply to their feelings, clap a *^ blister on their pride, and it will do the business. Its like a puttin*^ '' ginger under a horse's tail ; it makes him carry up real handsz^m, I ' tell you . When I was a boy, I was always late to school ; well, father's preachin I did'nt mind much, but I never could bear to hear mother say. Why Sam, are you actilly up for all day? Well, I hope your airly risin won't hurt you, I declare. What on airth is agoin to happen now? Well, wonders will never cease. It raised my dan- der; at k amazin hem, by a pretty covered vileges, le soup One day I was a walkin in the Mall, and who should I meet but Major Bradford, a gentleman from Connecticut, that traded in calves and pumpkins for the Boston market. Says he. Slick, where do you get your grub to-day 7 At General Peep's tavern, says I. Only fit for niggers, says he; why don't you come to the Tree-moni house, that's the most splendid thing its generally allowed in all the world. Why, says I, that's a notch above my mark, I guess it's too plagy dear for me, I can't afford it no how. Well, says he, its dear in one sense, but its dog cheap in another — its a grand place for speculation — there's so many rich southerners and strangers there that have more money than wit, that you might do a pretty good business there without goin out of the street door. I made two hundred dollars this mornin in little less than half no time. There's a Carolina Lawyer there, as rich as a bank, and says he to me arter breakfast. Major, says he, I wish I knew where to get a real slapping trotter of a horse, one that could trot with a flash of lightning for a mile, and beat it by a whole neck or so. Says I, my Lord (for you must know, he says he's the nearest male heir to a Scotch dormant peerage), my Lord, says I, I have one a proper sneezer, a chap that can go ahead of a rail-road steamer, a real natural traveller, one that can trot with the ball out of the small ecnd of a rifle, and never break into a gallop. Says he. Major, I wish you wouldn't give me that are knick name, I don't like it (though he looked as tickled all the time as possible) , I never knew, says he, a lord that worn'nt a fool, that's a fact, and that's the reason I don't go ahead and claim the title. Well, says I, my Lord, I don't know, but somehow I can't help a thinkin, if you have a good claim, you'd be more like a fool not to go ahead with it. Well, says he. Lord or no Lord, let's look at your horse. So away I went to Joe Brown's livery-stable, at t'other eend of the city, and picked out the best trotter he had, and no great stick to brag on either ; says I, Joe Brown, what do you ax for that are horse? Two hundred dollars, says he. Well, says I, I will take him out and try him, and if I like him, I will keep him. So I shows our Carolina Lord the horse, and v. !iSii he gets on him, says I, Don't let him trot as fast as he can, resarve that for a heat : if folks find out how overlastin fast he is, they'd be afeard to stump you for a start. When he returned, he said he liked the horse amazingly, and axed the price ; four hundred dollars, says I, you can't get nothin special without a good price, pewter cases never hold good watches; I know it, says he, the horse is mine. Thinks I to myself, that's more than ever I could say of him then any how. Well, I was goin to tell you about the soup— says the Major, it's near about dinner time, jist come and see how you like the location. There was a sight of folks there, gentlemen and ladies /. i I'/rf - '■'/ .1 t J c ■* i^.'1'..t-r- i'iiw, this Province is jist like that are soup, good enough at top. but dip down and you have the riches, the coal, the iron ore, tho gypsum, and what not. As for Halifas^ it? well enough in itself, though no great shakes neither, a few sizeable houses, with a proper sight of small ones, like half a dozen old hens with their broods of young chickens ; but the people, the strange critters, they are all asleep. They walk in their sleep, and talk in their sleep, and wlia^ they say one day they forget the next, they say they were dreaming. You know where Governor Campbell lives, don't you, in'a large stone HIS OPINION OF HALIFAX. 41 lioufio, with a groat wall round it, that looks like a state prison; well, . nuar hand there is a nasty dirty horrid lookin buryin ground there — its tilled with large grave rats as big as kittens, and the springs of black water there, go through the chinks of the rocks and flow into all the wells, and fairly pyson the folks — its a dismal place, I tell you— I wonder the air from it don't turn all the silver in the Gincral's house, of a brass colour (and folks say he has four cart loads of it), its so everlasting bad — its near about as nosey as a slave ship of niggers. Well, you may go there and shake the folks to all etarnity and you won't wake 'em, I guess, and yet there ant much diflerence atween their sleep and the folks at Halifax, only they lie still there and are quiet, and don't walk and talk in their isleop like them above ground. Halifax reminds mo of a Russian oflicer I once seed at Warsaw ; he had lost both arms in battle ; but I guess I must tell you first why I went there, cause that will show you how we speculate. One Sabbath day, after bell ringin, when most of the women had gone to meetin (for they were groat hands for pretty sarmons, and our Uni- tarian ministers all preach poetry, only they leave the rymo out — it sparkles like perry], I goes down to East India wtiarf to see Captain, Zeck Hancock, of Nantucket, to enquire how oil was, and if it would bear doing anything in ; when who should come along but Jabish Green. Slick, says he, how do you do ; isn't this as pretty a day as you'll see between this and Norfolk? it whips English weather by a long chalk ; and then he looked down at my watch seals, and looked and looked as if he thought Fd stole 'em. At last he looks up, and says he, Slick, I suppose you wondn't go to Warsaw, would you, if it was made worth your while? Which Warsaw? says I, for I believe in my heart we have a hundred of them. None of ourn at all, says he; Warsaw in Poland. Well, I don't know, says 1 ; what do you call worth whilo ? Six dollars a day, expenses paid, and a bonus of one thousand dollars, if speculation turns out well. I am ofl*, says I, whenever you say go. Tuesday, says he, in the Hamburgh packet. Now, says he, i'm in a tarnation hurry ; I'm goin a pleasurin to day in the Custom House Boat, along with Josiah Bradford's galls down to Nahant. But I'll tell you what I am at: the Emperor of Russia has ordered the Poles to cut off their queus on the 1st of January; you must buy them all up, and ship them ofl'to London for the wig makers. Human hair is scarce and risin. Lord a massy I says I, how queer they will look, won't they. Well, I vow, that's what the sea folks call sailing under hare Poles, come true, aint it? I guess it will turn out a good spec, says he ; and a good one it did turn out — he cleared ten thousand dollars bv it. When I was at Warsaw, as I was a sayin, there was a Russian oflicer there who had lost both his arms in battle ; a good naturcd 44 :i i THE CLOCKMAKER. contented critter, as I een amost ever see'd, and he was fed with spoons by his neiriibours, but arter a while they grew tired of it, and I guess he near about starved to death at last. Now Halifax is like that are Spooney ^ as I used to call him ; it is fed by the outports, and they begin to have enough to do to feed themselves — it must larn to live without 'em. They have no river, and no country about them ; lei them make a railroad to Minas Basin, and they will have arms of their own tofeed themselves with. If they don't do it, and do it soon, I guess they'll get into a decline that no human skill will cure. They are proper thin now j you can count their ribs een amost as far as you can see them. The only thing that mill either make or save Halifax y is a railroad across the country to Bay ofFundy. It will do to talk of, says one ; You'll see it some day, says another ; ;. Yes, says a third, it will come, but we are too young yet. Our old minister had a darter, a real clever looking gall as you'd see in s day's ride, and she had two or three offers of marriage from sponsible men — most particular good specs — but minister always said * Phffibe, you are too young — the day will come — but you are too yoang yet, dear. Well, Phoebe didn't think so at all ; she said. She guessed she knew better nor that ; so the next offer she had, she had no notion to lose another chance — off she sot to Rhode Island and _got married ; says she. Father's too old, he don't know. That's / jist the case at Halifax. The old folks say the country is too young I — the time will come, and so on ; and in the mean time time the young ! folks wont wait,aw(? run off to tfie States y where the maxim is, * youtk is the time for improvement ; a new country is never too young for exertion — push on — Iceep movin — go aJiead.^ Darn it all, said the Clockmaker, rising with great animation, clinching his fist, and extending his arm — darn it all, it fairly makes my dander rise, to see the nasty idle loungin good for nothing do little critters — they aint fit to tend a bear trap, I vow. They ought to be quilted round and round a room, like a lady's lap dog, the matter of two hours a day, to keep them from dyin of apoplexy. Hush, hush, said J, Mr. Sliclc, you forget. Well, said he, resuming his usual composure — well, it's enough to make one vexed though, I declare — isn't it? Mr. Slick has often alluded to this subject, and always in a most decided manner; I am inclined to think he is right. Mr. Howe's papers on the railroad I read till I came to his calculations, but I never could read figures, ' I can't cypher,' and there I paused; it was a barrier : I retreated a few paces, took a running leap, and cleared the whole of them. Mr. Slick says he has under and not over rated its advantages. He appears to be such a shrewd, observ- ing, intelligent man, and so perfectly at homo on these subjects, that I conless I have more faith in this humble but eccentric Clockmaker, DOINGB IN CUMBERLAND. 45 as fed with 9d of it, and lifax is like itports, and tiarntolive t them ,* lei ve arms of , and do it II will cure, imost as far ike or save hj. fs another; inimation, rly makes o do little ought to le matter Hush, ming his hough, I •n a most Howe's [)s, but I aused; it eap, and • and not , observ- cts, that maker. than in any other man I have met with in this Province. I ther>3- fore pronounce * there mil he a railroad.* CHAPTER XIV. SAYINGS AND DOINGS IN CUDIBERLAND. I RECKON, said the Clockmaker, as we strolled through Amherst, you have read Hook's story of the boy that one day asked one of his father's guests, who his next door neighbour was, and when he heerd his name, asked him if he warn't a fool. No, my little feller, said he, he beant« fool, he is a most particular sensible man; but why did you ax that are question ? Why, said the little boy, mother said t'other day you ware next door to a fool, and I wanted to know who lived next door to you. His mother felt pretty ugly, I guess, when she heerd him run right slap on that are breaker. Now these Cumberland folks have curious next door neighbours, too ; they are placed by their location right a'twixt fire and water ; they have New Brunswick politics on one side, and Nova Scotia politics on t'other side of them, and Bay Fundy and Bay Varte on t'other two sides ; they are actilly in hot water ; they are up to their croopers in politics, and great hands for talking of House of Assembly, political Unions, and what not. Like all folks who wade so deep, they can't always tell the natur of the ford. Sometimes they strike their shins. - agin a snag of a rock; at other times they go whap into a quicksand, and it they don't take special care they are apt to go souse over head and cars into deep water. I guess if they'd talk more of Botations, and less of elections , more of them are Dykes, and less of Banks, and attend more to top-dressing, and less to re-dressing, it 'ed be better for 'em. Now you mention the subject, I think I have observed, said I, that there is a great change in your countrymen in that respect. For- merly, whenever you met an American, you had a dish of politics set before you, whether you had an appetite for it or not; but lately I have remarked they seldom allude to it. Pray to what is this attri- butable ? I guess, said he, they have enough of it to home, and are sick of the subject. They are cured the way our pastry cooks cure their prentices of stealing sweet notions out of their shops. When they get a new prentice, they tell him he must never so much as look at all them are nice things; and if he dares to lay the weight of ijis finger upon one of them, they'll have him up for it before a justice; they tell him its ♦.very bit and grain as bad as stealing from a till. Well that's sure to set him at it, just as a high fence docs a breachy vr'-'^A. ^m^ .; I 111 ri 46 THE CLOCKMAKER. > , K-' t: ; ox, first to look over it, and then to push it down with its romp ; its human natur. Well, the boy eats and eats till he cant eat no longer, and then he gets sick at his stomach, and hates the very sight of sweetmeats afterwards. We've had politics with us, till we're dog sick of 'em, I tell you. Besides, I guess we are as far from perfection as when we set out a roin for it. You may get purity of election but how are you to get purity of Members? It would lake a great deal of cyphering to tell that. I never see'd it yet, and never hecrd tell of one who had seed it. The best member I een amost ever seed was Joh*' ..dams. Well, John Adams could no more plough a straight furrow in politics than ' he could haul the plough himself. He might set out straigl i be- ginnin for a little way, but he was sure to get crooked afore lie got to the eend of the ridge— and sometimes he would have two or three crooks in it. I used to say to him, how on airth is it, Mr. Adams (for he was no way proud like, though he was prrjident of our great nation, and it is allowed to be the greatest nation in the world, too: for you might see him sometimes uf an arternoon a swimmin along , . with the boys in the Potomac, I do believe that's the way he larned to give the folks the dodge *'o spry) ; well, I used to say to him, how on airth is it, Mr. Adams, you can't make straight work on it? Ho was a grand hand at an excuse (though minister used to say that folks that were good at an excuse, were seldom good for nothin else); sometimes, he said, the ground was so tarnation stony, it throwed the plough out ; at other times he said the off ox was such an ugly wilful tempered critter, there was no doin nothin with him ; or that there was so much machinery about the plough, it made it plagy hard to steer, or may be it was the fault of them that went afore him that they laid it down so bad ; unless he was hired for another term of four years, the work wouldn't look well; and if all them are ex- cuses would'nt do, why he would take to scolding the nigger that drove the team, throw all the blame on him, and order him to have an evcrlastin lacin with the cowskin. You might as well catch a weasel asleep as catch him. He had somethin the matter with one eye — well, he knew I know'd that when I was a boy ; so one day, a feller presented a petition to him, and he told him it was very af- fectin. Says he, it fairly draws tears from me, and his weak eye took to lettin otfits water like statiee; so as soon as the chap went, he winks to me with t'other one, quite knowin, as much as to say, you see its all in my eye^ Slick, but don't let on to any one about it, that I said so. That eye was a regular cheat, a complete New Eng- land wooden nutmeg. Folks said Mr. Adams was a very tender- hearted man. Perhaps ho was, but I guess that eye did'nt pump its water out o' that place. Members in general ainl to be depended on, I tell you. Politics DOINGS IN CUMBERLAND. 47 n areex- makcs a man as crooked as a pack does a pedlar, not that they are so awful heavy, neither, but it teaches a man to stoop in the long run J Artcr all, there's not that difference in 'em (at least there aint in Congress) one would tr/.nk ; for if one of them is clear of one vice, why, as like as not, he has another fault just as bad. An honest farmer, like one of these Cumberland folks, when he goes to choose a'twixt two that offers for votes, is jist like the flying fish. That are little critter is not content to stay to home in the water, and mind its business, but he must try his hand at flyin, and he is no great dab ^ at flyin, neither. Well, the moment he's out of water, and takes to flyin, the sea fowl are arter him, and let him have it ; and if he has.-, the good luck to escape them, and dive into the sea, the dolphin, as like as not, has a dig at him, that knocks more wind out of him than he got while aping the birds, a plagy sight. I guess the blue-noses know jist about as much about politics as this foolish fish knows about flyin. All critters in natur are hetter in their own element. It beats cock figtin, I tell you, to hear the blue-noses, when they ' get logether, talk politics. They have got three or four evil spirits, like the Irish Banshees, that they say cause all the mischief in the Province — the Council, the Banks, the House of Assembly, and the Lawyers. If a man places a higher valialion on himself than his neighbours do, and wants to be a magistrate before he is fit to carry the i k horn for one, and finds himself safely delivered of a mistake, ho says it is all owing to the Council. The members are cunnin critters, too, they know this feelin, and when they come home from Assembly, and people ax 'em, * where are all them are fine things you promised us?' Why, they say, we'd a had 'em all for you, but for that etarnal Council, they nullified all we did. The country will come to no good till them chaps show their respect for it, by covering their bottoms with homespun. If a man is so tarnation lazy he won't work, and in course has no money, why he says its all owin to the banks, they won't discount, there's no money, they've ruined the Province. If there beant a road made up to every citizen's door, away back to the woods (who as like as not has squatted there) , why he says the House of Assembly have voted all the money to pay great men's salaries, and there's nothin left for poor settlers, and cross roadj. Well, the lawyers come in for their share of cake and ale, too, if they aon't catch it, its a pity. There was one Jim Munroc, of Onion County, Connecticut, a desperate idle fellow, a great hand at singin songs, a skatin, drivin about vvitii the galls, and so on. Well, if any body's windows were broke, it was Jim Munroe — and if there wore any youngsters in want of a father they were sure to be poor Jim's. Jist so it is with the lawyers here; they stand godfather for every misfortune that hapj)ons in the country. When there is a mad dog a goin about. 4- ->"^^^I^PI 4B THE CLOCKMAKER. i; fl^AtAiv ll ' t ni ever} dog that barks is said to be bit by the mad one, so he gets credit for all the mischief that every dog does for three months to come. So every .feller that goes ^Ipih home from a court house, smartin from the law, swears he is bit by a lawyer. Now there may be something wrong in all these things (and it cand*t be other- wise in natur), in Council, Banks, House of Assembly, and Lawyers ; but change them all, and its an even chance if you don't get worse ones in their room. It is in politics as in horsed; when a man has a > !(.,,.f/ beast that's near about up to the notch, he'd better not swap him ; if he does, he's een amost sure to get one not so good as his own. My rule iSf I'd ratfier keep a critter wJwse faults I do know, than change him for a beast rvliose faults I don't know. CHAPTER XV. THE DANCING MASTER ABROAD. I WISH that are black heifer in the kitchen would give over singing that are everlastin dismal tune, said the Clockmaker, it makes my head ache. You've heerd a song afore now, said he, hav'n't you, till you was fairly sick of it? for I have, I vow. The last time I was in Rhode Island (all the galls sing there, and it's generally allowed there s no such singers anywhere ; they beat the ^^e-taliaiis a long chalk — they sing so high some on' em, they go clear out o'hearin sometimes, like a lark), well, you heerd nothin but * Oh no, we never mention her ;' well, I grew so plaguy tired of it, I used to say to my- self, I'd sooner see it than hear tell of it, I vow ; I wish to gracious you * would never mention her,' for it makes me feel ugly to hear that same thing for ever and ever and amen that way. Well, they've got a cant phrase here, * the schoolmaster is abroad,' and every feller tells you that fifty times a-day. %.. There was a chap said to me not long ago at Truro, Mr. Slick, this country is rapidly improvin, * the schoolmaster is abroad now,' and he looked as knowin as though he had found a mare's nest. So I should think, said I, and it would jist be about as well, I guess, if he'd stay to home and mind his business, for your folks are so con- soomedly ignorant, I reckon he's abroad een almost all his time. I / hope when he returns, he'll be the better of his travels, and that's I more nor many of our young folks are who go 'abroad,' for they im- port more airs and nonsense than they dispose of one while, I tell you — some of the stock remains on hand all the rest of their lives. There's nothin I hate so much as cant, of all kinds ; its a sure sign of a tricky disposition. If you sec a feller cant in religion, clap your ^ THE DANClNO MASTER ABROAD. 40 hand into your pocket, and lay right hold of your puss, or he'll steal it, as sure as you're alive ; and if a man cant in politics, he'll sell you if he gets a chatlce, you may depend. Law and physic are jist the same, and every mite and morsel as bad. If a lawyer takes to can- tin, its like the fox prcachin to the geese, he'll eat up his whole con-| gregation ; and if a doctor takes to it, he's a quack as sure as rates. \ The Lord have massy on you, for he wont. I'd sooner trust my chance with a naked hook any time, than one that's half covered with bad bait. The fish will sometimes swallow the one, without thinkin, but they get frightened at tother, turn tail, and off like a shot. Now, to change the tune, I'll give the blue-noses a new phrase. They'll have an election most likely next year, and then ' the Dancin Master will be abroad.* A candidate is a most purticular polite man, a noddin here, and a bowin there, and a shakin hands all round. J Nothin improves a man's manners like an election. ' The DancinT Master's abroad then.-' nothin gives the paces equal to that, it makes them as squirmy as an eel ; they cross hands and back agin, set to their partners, and right and left in great style, and slick it ofTat the eend, with a real complete bow, and a smile for all the world as sweet as a cat makes at a pan of new milk. Then they get as full of com- pliments as a dog is full of flees— enquirin how the old lady is to home, and the little boy that made such a wonderful smart answer, they never can forget it till next time ; a praisin a man's farm to the nines, and a tellin of him bow scandalous the road that leads to his < location has been neglected, and how much he wants to find a real complete hand that can build a bridge over his brook, and axin him \ if he ever built one. When he gets the hook baited with the right fly, and the simple critter begins to jump out of water arter it, all mouth and gills, he winds up the reel, and takes leave, a thinkin to himself, ' now you sec what's to the eend of my line, I guess I'll know where to find you when I want you.' There's no sort of fishin requires so much practice as this. Wiiifen bait is scarce, one worm must answer for several fish. A handful of oats in a pan, arter it brings one horse up in a pastUr for the bridle, serves for another ; a shakin of it, is better than a givin of it — it saves the grain for another time. It's a poor business arter all, is elec- tioneering, and when * the Dancin Master is abroad,' he's as apt to teach a man to cut capers and get larfed at as anything else. It tante every one that's soople enough to dance real complete. Politics take a great deal of time, and grinds away a man's honesty near about as - > )'M^/^'^ . fast as cleaning a knife with brick dust, ' it takes its steel out.' What 1^<^' ^o^-^ does a critter get arter all for it in this country, why nothin but ex* pense and disappointment. As King Solomon says (and that are man was up to a thing or two, you may depend, tho* our professor did ! 1 50 THE GLOCKMAKER. r ^ t a- lU \\\ yn ,7 %: .>*t While it's in the stall it may hold up, and ^w, and whiner, and feel as spry as any thing, but the leather strap keeps it to the manger, and the lead weight to the eend of it makes it hold down its head at Ml", j k. '_-^K-»-l M\ last. No, says he, here's independence, and he gave the Eagles such a drive with his fist, he burst his pocket, and sent a whole.ra|t of them a spinnin down his leg to the ground. Says I, Father (and I swear I could hardly keep fromlarfin, he looked so j)eskily vexed), Father, says I, 1 guess there's a moral in that are too — Extremes nary may '^ '^^f are none 6 the best. Well, well, says he (kinder jsnagpishly) , I sup- pose you're half righ^ Sam, but we've said enough about it, let's drop the subject, and see if I have picked 'em all up, for my eyes are none of the best now, I'm near hand to seventy. CHAPTER XVI 1MB. slick's opinion OF THE BRITISH. What success had you, said I, in the sale of your Clocks among the Scotch in the eastern part of the Province? do you find them as gullible as the blue-noses? Well, said he, you have hcerd tell that a Yankee never answers one question, without axing another, haven't you ? Did you ever see an English Stage Driver make a bow ? because tu> «i)v if you hante obsarved it, I have, and a :$meer one it is, I swan. He brings his right arm up, jist across his face, and passes on, with a knowin nod of his head, as much as to say, how do you do? but keep clear o' my wheels, or I'll letch your horses a lick in the mouth as sure as you're born ; jist as a bear puts up his paw to fend ofTthe blow of a stick from his nose. Well, that's the way I pass them are bare i t '?.? J I 9 tlie gold ^ing them ly do you at spirits, tholeake I hungry, them by lish states itting the d in his ^pendent, ss in the nd kickin [lent too. , and feel manger, s head at Ics such a t of them I I swear , Father, ary way '), I sup- it, let's my eyes s among them as tell that haven't because n. He with a lut keep outh as le blow re bare HIS OPINION OF THE BRITISH. »3 breeched Scotchmen. Lord, if they were located down in these hero Cumberland mashes, how the musquitoes would tickle them up> wouldn't they? They'd set 'em scratchin thereabouts, as an Irish- man does his head, when he's in search of a lie. Them are fellers cut their eye teeth afore they ever sot foot in this country, I expect. / f,^ / When they gel a bawbee, they know what to do with it, that's a fact ;' -CL V "^ they open their j)guch and drop it in, and its got a spring like a fox-w '^y/^. . trap — it holds fast to all it gets, like grim death to a dead nigger. " They are proper skin flints, you may depend. Oatmeal is no great shakes at best; it tante even as good for a horse as real yallerVarginy corn, but I guess I warn't long in finding out that the grits hardly pay for the riddlin. No, a Yankee has as little chance among them as a Jew has in New England: the sooner ho clears out the better. You can no more put a leake into them, than you can send a chisel into Teakewood — it turns the edge of the tool the first drive. If tho blue-noses knew the value of money as well as they do, they'd havoi more cash, and fewer Clocks and tin rodectors, I reckon. Now, its difierent with the Irish ; they never carry a puss, for they never have a cent to put in it. They are always in love or in liquor, or else in a row; they are the merriest shavers I over seed. Judge Beeler, I dare say you have heerd tpll of him — he's a furmy feller — he put a notice over his factory gate at Lowell, ' no cigars or Irish- men admitted within these walls;' for, said he, the one will set a flame agoin among my cottons, and t'other among my galls. I won't have no such inflammable and dangerous things about mc on no account. When the British wanted our folks to join in the treaty to chock tho wheels of the slave trade, I recollect hearin old John Adam say, we had ought to humour them; for, say he, they supply , us with labour on easier terms, by shippin out tho Irish. Says he, \ they work better, and they work cheaper, and they don't live so long. The blacks, when they are past work, hang on for ever, and a pro- per bill of expense they be; but hot weather and new rum rub out the poor rates for t'other ones. Tho English arc the boys for tradin with; they shell out their cash .. „ likea sheaf of jjrheatin frosty weather— it flies ail over the tbiaahia <''^'-^"*< ^ floor; but then they are a cross-grained, ijngainly, kicken breed of_ '^'•^♦r/ cattle, as I een a most ever seed. Whoever gave them the name of John Bull, knew what he was about, I tell you; for they are bull- necked, bull-headed folks, I vow; sulky, ugly-tempered, vicious critters, a pawin and a roarin the whole time, and plaguy onsafc unless well watched. ^They are as headstrong as mules, and as con- ceited as peacocks. / V.r. , The astonishment with which I heard this tirade against my coun- trymen, absorbed every feeling of resentment. I listened with amazement at the perfect composure with which he uttered it. He 54 THE CLOCkMAKEU. I it! iroalcd is asono of thuse sulf-ovident truths, that need neither proof iiur apology, but as a thing well known and admitted hy all mankind. There's no richer sight that I know of, said he, than to see one on 'em when he first lands in one of our great cities. He swells out US big as a balloon, his skin is ready to burst with wind — a regular walking bag of gas; and he prances over the pavement like a bear over hot iron — a groat awkward hulk of a feller (for they ain't to bo ^^^/^ {, compared t,o the French in manners), a,8mirkin at you, as much as to say, * look here, Jonathan, here's an Englishman ; here's a boy that's got blood as pure as a Norman pirate, and lots of the blunt of both kinds, a pocket full of one, and a mouthful of t'other: bean't ho lovely? and then he looks as fierce as a tiger, as much as to say * sayboo to a goose, if you daro.' No, I believe we may stump the Univarsc; wo improve on every thing, and we have improved on our own species. You'll search one, while I tell you, afore you'll find a man that, take him by and large, is e(fual to one of our free and enlightened citizens. He's the chap that has both speed, wind, and bottom; he's clear grit — ginger to the back bone, you may depend. Its generally allowed there ain't the beat of them to be found any where. Spry as a fox, supple as an eel, and cute as a weasel. Though I say it, that shouldn't say it, Ihey fairly take the shine offcreation — they are actilly equal to cash. Ho looked like a man who felt that he had expressed himself so aptly and so well, that any thing additional would only weaken its effect ; he therefore changed the conversation immediately, by point- ting to a tree at some little dista je from the house, and remarking that it was the rock maple or sugar tree. Its a pretty tree, said he, and a profitable one too to raise. It will bear tapping for many years, tlio' it get exhausted at last. vt*t>+Mi ^'' This Province is like that are tree : it islytpped till it begins to die ■at the top, and if they don't drive in a spile and stop the everlastin ilow of the sap, it will perish altogether. All the money that's made here, all the interest that's paid in it, and a pretty considerable por- tion of rent too, all goes abroad for investment, and the rest is sent to us to buy bread. Its drained like a_bog, it has opened and covered trenches all through it, and then there's others to the foot of the up- land, to cut off the springs. Now you may make even a bog too dry ; you may take the moisture 'out to that degree, that the very^sile becomes dust, and blows away. The English funds, and our banks^ railroads, and canals, are all ab- sorbing your capital like a spunge, and will lick it up as fast as you ran make it. That very Bridge we heerd of at Windsor, is owned /in New Brunswick, and will pay toll to that province. The capi- talists of Nova Scotia treat it like a hired house, they won't keep it in repair ; they neither paint it to prcsarve the boards, nor slop a leak L I I ■7 Ills UIMNION OF THE BKITISII. 55 ithor proof I mankind, to seo one swells out -a regular like a bear ain't to bo s much as sro's a boy the blunt ler: bean't t as to say I on every I'U search im by and He's the it — ginger there ain't supple as n't say it, al to cash, himself so eaken its by point- emarking said he, ny years, ins to die verlastin it's made able por- st is sent covered f the up- moisture vs away, e all ah- t as you s owned »e capi- ecp it in p a leak ,4 to keep the Tramo from rottin ; but let it go to wrack sooner than drive a nail or ;)ut in a pane of class. It will sarve our turn out, they say. ^^-i.'^ ''*^**^ There's neither spirit, enterprise, nor patriotism here ; but the whoie country is as inactive as a bear in winter, that does nothin but scroutch up in his den, a thinkin to himself, '' Well, if I ain't an unfortunate divil, it's a pity ; I have a most splendid warm coat as-\ are a gentleman in these here woods, let him be who he will ; but I got no socks to my feet, and have to sit for everlastingly a suckin of my paws to keep <''hem warm ; if it warn't for that, I guess I'd mako^ some o' them chaps that have hoofs to their feet and horns to their heads, look about 'em pretty sharp, I know. It's dismal, now ain't it? If I had the framin of the Governor's message, if I wouldn't show 'cm how to put timber together, you may depend ; I'd make them scratch their heads and stare, I know." I went down to Matanzas in the Fulton Steam Boat once — well, it was the first of the kind Ihey ever seed, and proper scared they were to seo a vessel, without sails or oars, goin right strait a head, nine knots an hour, in the very wind's eye, and a great streak of smoke arter her as long as the tail of a comet. I believe they thought it was old Nickalive, a treatin himself to a swim. You could see the nigciors a clippin it away from the shore, for dear life, and the sol- diers a movin about, as if they thought that we were a goin to take the whole country. Presently a little, half-starved, orange-coloured looking Spanish officer, all dressed ofTin his livery, as fine as a fiddle, came off with two men in a boat to board us. Well, we yawed once or twice, and motioned to him to keep off for fear he should get hurt ; but he came right on afore the wheel, and I hope I may be f, shot if the paddle didn't strike the bow of the boat with that force, it /■^':?'.*2^ knocked up the starn like a plank tjit, when one of the boys playing>; «'-;\^»^'*', iH on it is heavier than t'other, and chucked him right atop of the wheel house— you never see'd a fellow in such a dunderment in your life. He had picked up a litle English from seein our folks there so much, and when he got up, the first thing he said was, * Damn all sheenery, I say, where's my boat? and he looked round as if he thought it had jumped en board too. Your boat, said the Captain, why I expect it's gone to the bottom, and your men have gone down to look arter it, for we never see'd or heerd tell of one or t'other of them arter the boat was struck. Yes, I'd make 'em stare like that are Spanish officer, as if they had see'd out of their eyes for the first time. Governor Campbell did'nt expect to see such a country as this when he came here, I reckon, I know he didn't. When I was a little boy, about knee high or so, and Hved down Coniiocticut river, mother used to s.ny, Sam, if you don't give over 7 &0 THE CLOCKMAKBR. 1 1. I ! \ m uV I 'I ! f..\ acting so like old Scratch, I'll send you o(T to Nova Scotia, as sure as you are born I will, I vow. Well, Lord, how that are used to Trighten me; it made my hair stand right up on eend, like a cat's back when she's wrathy ; it made me drop it as quick as wink — like a tin night- cap put on a dipt candle agoin to bed, it put the fun right out. Neigh- bour Dearborn's darter married a gentleman to Yarmouth, that spe- culates in the smuggling line; well, when she went on board to sail down to Nova Scotia, all her folks took on as if it was a funeral ; they said she was goin (o be buried alive, like the nuns in Portongalo that get afroUckin, breakout of thepastur, and race off, and get catched and brought back agin. Si ys the old Colonel, her father. Delive- rance, my dear, I would sooner foller you to your grave, for that would be an eend to your troubles, than to see you go ofTto that dismal country, that's nothing but an iceberg aground ; and he howled as loud as an Irishman that tries to wake his wife when she is dead. Awful accounts wc have of the country, that's a fact; but if the Pro- vince is not so bad as they make it out, the folks are a thousand times worse. You've seen a flock of partridges of a frosty mornin in the fall, a crowdin out of the shade to a sunny spot, and huddlin up there in the warmth — well, the blue-noses have nothin else to do half the time /but sun themselves. Whose fault is that? Why its the fauU of the /legislature; tliey don't encourage internal improvement^ nor tfie in^ 1 vestment of capital in the country ^ and the result is apathy ^ inactwn^ \^d poverty. They spend three months in Halifax, and what do they do ? Father gave mo a dollar once, to go to the fair at Hartford, and ,when I came back, says he, Sam, what have you got to show for it? I Now I ax what have they to show for their three months' sitting? Ijhey mislead folks ; they make 'em believe all the use of the Assem- bly is to bark at Councillors, Judges, Bankers, and such cattle, to keep 'em from eatin up the crops; and it actilly cost more to feed them when they are watching, than all the others could eat if they did breach a fence and get in. Indeed, some folks say they are tli most breachy of the two, and ought to go to pound themsp^^ tt their fences are good, them hungry cattle couldn't break .^'h ; and if they aint, they ought to stake 'em up, and with the. well; but it's no use to make fences unless tlie land is cultivated. If I see a farm all gone to wrack, I say here's bad husbandry and bad ma- /7iagement;andifl see a Province like this, of great capacity and great y natural resources, poverty-stricken, I say there's bad legislation. No, said he (with an air of more seriousness than I had yet ob- /y served), how much it is to he regrettedy tliat, laying aside personal 1 1 (ittacks and petty jeahusk's, they would not unite as one man, and \ivith one mind and one heart apply t/iemselves sedulously to the interim A YANKEE HANDLE. If • as sure as d to frighten back when a tin night- ut. Neigh- )i> that spe- oard to sail neral ; they ongalo that ;et catched Jr, Delive- i^e, for that that dismal howled as ie is dead, if the Pro- sand time« the fall, a here in the f the time fault of the lar tfie in^ ', inaction^ at do they tford, and ow for it ? sitting? Assem- cattle, to •e to feed >at if they yareth '( i' well; If I see a bad ma- ind great lation. 1 yet ob- pcrsonal 'an, and he inter" le f^i nal improvement and development of this beautiful Prov'mee. Itt value is utterly unknown, either to the general or local Ooverntnent, and the only persona w?io duly appreciate it are the Yankees. CHAPTER XVII. A YAAKEE HANDLR FOR A HALIFAX BLADE. ;: .^/vtV/. <^ A*. 1 • Vli y .CVjO. I MET a man this mornin, said the Clockmaker, from Halifax, a real conceited lookin critter as you een amost ever seed, all shines and didos. He looked as if he had picked up his airs, arter some officer of the regilars had worn 'em out and cast 'em off. They sot on him like second-hand clothes, as if they hadn't been made for him, and didn't exactly fit. He looked fine, but awkward, like a captain of militia when he gets his uniform on, to play sodger; a thinkin himself mighty hand«z■/' 5K THE CLOCKMAKEU. :! jU' ■Jl'*..iM ' ' IU.J.. — and lie tiirnod and stared, as if it was old Hickory liimsolf. Then he walked round and about liko a pig round the fence of a potatne field, a waichin for a chance to cut in ; so, thinks I, I'll jlst give him somothing to talk about, when he gets back to the city, I'll fix a \ankec handle on to him in no time. How's times to Halifax, sir, said I. — Belter, says ho, much better, business is done on a surer bottom than it was, and things look bright agin. So does a candle, says I, jist afore it goes out ; it burns up ever so high, and then sinks right down, and leaves nothin behind but grease, and an everlastin bad smell, I guess they don't know how to feed their lamp, and it can't burn long on nothin. No, sir, the jig is up with Halifax, and it's all their own fault. If a man sits at his door, and sees stray cattle in his field, 2 eatin up of his crop, and his neighbours a oartin olF his grain, and won't so much as go, and drive 'em out, why I should say it sarves him right. I don't exactly understanr^, sir, said he — thinks I, it would bo strange if you did, for I never see one of your folks yet that could understand a hawk from a handsaw. Well, says I, I will tell you what I moan — draw a line from Cape Sable to Cape Cansoo, right thro* the province, and it will split it into two, this way, and I cut an apple Into two halves ; now, says I, the worst half, like the rotten half of the apple, belongs to Halifax, and the other and sound half belongs to St. John. Your side of the province on the sea coast is all stone — I never seed such a proper sight of rocks in my life, it's enough to starve a rabbit. Well, t'other side ou the Bay of Fundy is a super- fine country, there aint the beat of it to be found any where. Now, wouldn't the folks living away up to the Bay, be pretty fools to go to Halifax, when they can go to St. John with half the trouble. St. John is the natural capital of the Bay of Fundy, it will be the largest city in America next to New York. It has an immense back country as big as Great Britain, a first chop river, amazin sharp folks, most as cute as the Yankees — it's a splendid location for business. Well, they draw all the produce of the Bay shores, and where the produce goes the supplies return — it will take the whole trade of the Province ; I guess your rich folks will find they've burnt their fingers, they've ^ put their foot in it, that's a fact. Houses without ^tg^ants, wharves i^'j} without shipping, a town without people — what a grand investment! ! — If you have any loose dollars, let 'em out on mortgage in HaUfax, that's the security — keep clear of the country for ycuilife — the people may run, but the town can't. No, take away the troops and you're done — you'll sing the dead march fol'KS did atLouisbourgand Shel- burnc. Why you hant got a single thing worth havin, but a good harbour, and as for that the coast is full on 'cm. You havn't a pine log, spruce board, or a rel'uso shingle; you neither raise wheat, oafs, "^^^^^A or hay, nor never can ; you havo no staples on airth, vmless it be thorn iself. Then 3f a potatoo st give him y, I'll fix a uch better, look bright rns up ever behind but low how to ', the jig is sits at his »p, and his , and drive ; would bo that could 11 tell you isoo, right id I cut an rotten half ilf belongs i all stone enougli to a super- !. Now, I to go to St. John rgest city )untry as most as Well, produce rovince ; they've wharves , itment! ! HaUfax, le people d you're hd Shel- t a good t a pine at, oafs, l/C them "^h^-i A YANKEE HANDLE. tvV' 59 <'iy iron ones for the jgadlocfc/ in 'TJridewell — you've sowed pride and reaped poverty, take care of your crop, for it's worth harvestin — you have no river and no country, what in the name of fortin, have you to trade on ? But, said he (and he shewed the whites of his eye? like a wall- eyed horse), but, said he, Mr. Slick, how is it, then, HaUfax ever grew at all, hasn't it got what it always had ; it's no worse than it was. I guess, said I, that pole aint strong enough to bear you neither; if you trust to that you'll be into the brook, as sure as you arc born ; you once had the trade of the whole Province, but St. John has run o(T with that now — you've lost all but your trade in blue berries and rabbits with the niggers at Hammond Plains. Youve lost your cus- tomcrSy your rivals havfi abetter stand for Imsiness — they^ve got tlie corner store— four great streets meet there, and its near tJie market slip. Well, he stared ; says he, I believe you're right, but I never thought of that afore (thinks I, nobody ever suspects you of the trick of thinkin that ever I heer'd tell of) : some of our great men, said he, laid it all to your folks selling so many Gbcks and Polyglot Bibles, they say you have taken off a horrid sight of money. Did they, in- deed, said I ; well, i guess it tante pins and needles that's the expense of house-keepin, it is something more costly than that. Well, some folks say its the Banks, says he. Better still, says I, perhaps you've heard tell too, that greasing the axle makes a gig harder to draw, for there's jist about as much sense in that. Well, then, says he, others say it's smugglin has made us so poor. That guess, said I, is most as good as tother one, whoever found out that secret ought to get a patent for it, for its worth knowin. Then the country has grown poorer, hasn't it, because it has bought cheaper this year, than it did the year before? Why, your folks are cute chaps, I vow ; they'd puz- zle u Philadelphia Lawyer, they are so amazin knowin. Ah, said he, and he rubb'd his hands and smiled like a young doctor, when he gets his first patient; ah, said he, if the timber duties are altered, down comes St. John, body and breeches; it's built on a poor foun- dation — its all show — they are speculatin like mad — they'll ruin themselves. Says I, if you wait till they're dead for your fortin, it will be one while, I tell, afore you pocket the shiners. It's no joke wait- //^';''^ ^ ^*^ ing for a dead man's shoes. Suppose an old feller of eighty was to' say when that arc young feller dies, I'm to inherit his property, what would you think? Why I guess you'd think he was an old fool. JVb, sir, if the English- dont want their timber, we do want it all, we have used ourn up, we hantgot a stick even to whittle. If the British dont oiler, we will, and St. John, like a dear little weeping widow, will dry up her tears, and take to frolickin agin and accept it right off. 00 THE CLOCKMAKER. i-lTi-? Tliere isn't at this moment such a location hardly in America, as St. John ; for beside all its other advantages, it has this great one, its only rival, Halifax, has got a dose of opium that will send it snoring out of the world, like a feller who falls asleep on the ice of a winter's night. It has been asleep so long, I actilly think it never will wake. Its an easy death, too, you may rouse them up if you like, but I vow I wont. I once brought a feller too that was drowned, and one night he got drunk and quitted me, I couldn't walk for a week ; says 1, Youre the last chap I'll ever save from drowning in all my born days, if that's all the thanks I get for it. No, sir, Halifax has lost the run of its custom. Who does Yarmouth trade with? St. John. Who does Annapolis County trade with? St. John. Who do all the folks on the Basin of Mines, and Bay shore, trade, with? Si. John. Who does Cumberland trade with? St. John. Well, Pictou, Lunenburg, and Liverpool supply themselves, and the rest, thataint worth havin, trade with Halifax. They take down a few half-starved pigs, old viteran geese, and long legged fowls, some ram mutton and tuf beef, and swap them for tea, sugar, and such little notions for their old women to home ; while the railroads and canals of St. John are goin to cut oif your Gulf Shore trade to Miramichi, and along there. Flies live in the summer and die in winter, you're jist as noisy in war as those little critters, but you sing small in peace. f No, your done for, you are up a tree, you may depend, pride must fall. Your town is like a ball-room arter a dance. The folks have eat, drank, and frolicked, and left an empty house ; the lamps and hangings are left, but the people are gone. ' Is there no remedy for this? said he, and he looked as wild as a Cherokee Indian. Thinks I, the handle is fitten on proper tjght now. Well, says I, when a man has a cold, he had ought to look out pretty sharp, afore it gets seated on his lungs; if he don't, he gets into a gallopin consumption, and it's gone goose with him. There is a remedy, if applied in time : nuike a railroad to Minos Basin^ and you have a way for your customers to get to you^ and a conveyance for your goods to them. When I was in New York last, a cousin of mine, Hezekiah Slick, said to me, I do believe, Sam, I shall be ruined; I've lost all my custom, they are widening and improving the streets, and therj's so many carts and people to work in it, folks can't come to my shop to trade; what on airth shall I do, and I'm j)ayin a dreadful high rent, too? Stop Ki, says I, when the street is all finished ofTand slicked up, they'll all come back agin, and a whole raft more on'em too, you'll sell twice as much as ever you did, you'll ■ put off a proper .ssn«d of goods next year, you may depend ; and so he I did, he made money, hand over hand. A railroad will bring back I your customers, if done right off; but wait till trade has made new \ channels, and fairly gets settled in them, and you'll never divart it THE ORAHAMITE. 01 America, as reatone, its d it snoring f a winter's p will wake. J, but I vow id one night ek ; says I, born days, lost the run >hn. Who II the folks hn. Who iUnenburg, )rth havin, d pigs, old id tufbeef, r their old n are goin )ng there, is noisy in >ride must tblks have amps and wild as a aper tight it to look t, he gets There fwm, and nveyancc cousin of shall be nproving it, folks and I'm street is a whole d, you'll nd so he ng bach ide now livart it .1 agin to all etarnity. When a feller waits till a gall gets married, i guess it will be too late to pop the question then. St. John must go ahead, at any rate; you mayy if you choose, but you must exert yourselves, I tell you. If a man has only one leg, and wants to walk, he must get an artificial one. If you have no river, make a railroad, and that will supply its place. But, says he, Mr. Slick, people say it never will pay m the world, they say its as mad a scheme as the canal. Do they, indeed, says I ; send them to me then^ and I'll fit the handle on to them in tu tu's. I say it will pay, and the best proof is, our folks will take tu thirds of the stock. Did you ever hear any one else but your folks, ax whether a dose of medicine would pay when it was given to save life? If that cverlastin long Erie canal can secure to New York the supply of that far off country, most tother side of creation, surely a railroad of forty- five miles can give you the trade of the Bay of Fundy. A railroad will go from Halifax to Windsor and make them one town, easier to send goods from one to tother, than from Governor Campbell's House lo Admiral Gockburn's. A bridge makes a town, a river makes a town, a canal makes a town, but a railroad is bridge, river, thorough- fare, canal, all in one ; what a wappin large place that would make, wouldn't it? It would be the dandy, that's a fact. No, when you go back, take a piece of chalk, and the first dark night, write on every door in Halifax, in large letters — a railroad— and if they don't know the meanin of it, says you its a Yankee word ; if you'll go to Sam Slick, the Olockmaker (the chap that fixed a Yankee handle on to a Halifax blade, and I made him a scrape of my leg, as much as to say that's you), every man that buys a Clock shall iiear all about a Bail^ road. CHAPTER XVin. THB ORAHAMITE AND THE IRISH PILOT. I THINK, said I, this is a happy country, Mr. Slick. The people arc fortunately all of one origin, there are no national jealousies to divide, and no very violent politics to agitate them. They appear to be cheerful and contented, and are a civil, good-natured, hospitable race. Considering the unsettled state of almost every part of the world, I think I would as soon cast my lot in Nova Scotia as in any part I know of. Its a clever country^ you may depend, said he, a very clever coun- try : full of mineral wealth, aboundin in superior water privileges and noble harbours, a large part of it prime land, and it is in the very TV" 62 THE CLOCIvMAKEK. -<^' heart of the flshories. But the folks put mc in mind of a sect in our country they call the Grahamites — they eat no meat and no exciting food, and drink nothin stronger than water. They call it Philosophy (and that is such a pretty word it has made fools of more folks than them afore now), but I call it tarnation nonsense. I once travelled all throughtheStateofMaine with one of them arechaps. Hewasasthin as a whippin post. His skin looked like a blown bladder arter some of the air had leaked out, kinder wrinkled and rumpled like, and his eye as dim as a lamp that's livin on a short allowance of ilc. He put me in mind of a pair of kitchen tongs, all legs, shaft, and head, and no belly, i_ ifiA i-i-'-it',' •■ a real igander gutted lookin critter, as hollei- as a bamboo walkin cane, i ^r''">-.^ Well, when we came to an inn, and a beefsteak was sot afore us i for dinner, he'd say : Oh that is too good for me, it's too exciting ; all i fat meat is diseased meat — give me some bread and cheese. Well, I'd say, I don't know what you call too good, but it tante good enough for me, for I call it as tuf^as laushqng, and that will bear chawing all day. When I liquidate for my dinner, I like to get about the best that's goin, and I an't a bit too well pleased if I don't. Exciting indeed ! I thinks T. Lord, I should like to see you excited, if it was only for the fun of the thing. What a temptin lookin critter you'd be among the galls, wouldn't you? Why, you look like a subject the doctor boys had dropped on the road arter they had dug you up, and had cut stick and run for it. Well, when tea came, he said the same thing, it's too exciting, give me some water, do; that's foUorin the law of natur. Well, says I, if that* s the case, you ought to eat beef; why, says he, how do you make out that are proposition? Why, says I, if drinking water, in- stead of tea, is natur, so is eaten grass according to natur; now all flesh is grass, we are told, so you had better eat that and call it ve- getable : like a man I once seed, who fasted on fish on a Friday, and //■. when he had none, whipped a lesr o' mutton into the oven, and took J. .. l^ '■ ') 'it out fish ; says he its ' changed ^toc,' that's all, and * plaice' ain't ^ a bad fish. The Catholics fast enough, gracious knows, but when they fast on a great rousin big splendid salmon at two dollars and forty cents, a pound, and lots of old Madeira to make it float light on the stomach ; there's some sense in mortifying the appetite arter that fashion, but plaguy little in your way. No, says I, friend, you may talk about natur as you please, I've studied natur all my life, and I vow if your natur could speak out, it would tell you, it don't ^i2- THE OllAHAMITE. 63 sect in our no exciting Philosophy 3 Toiks than ravelled all was as thin •ter some of and his eye e put me in id no belly, alkin cane, picked offa 5 a lawyer, alf-sarved Lord made swallow a^^ ]f if it was itter you'd lubject the >u up, and iting, give II, says I, •w do you water, in- ; now all 3all it ve- •iday, and and took aice' ain't but when liars and loat light itite arter lend, you my life, I, it don't Vi-v*-"^-**^^ over half like to be starved arlcr that plan. If you know'd as much about the marks of the mouth as I do, you'd know that you have carnivorous as well as granivevous teeth, and that natur meant by that, you shoi;id eat most anything that are door-keeper, your nose, would give a ticket to, to pass into your mouth. Father rode a race at New-York course, when he was near hand to seventy, and that's more nor you'll do, I guess, and he eats as hearty as a turkey cock, and he never confined himself to water neither, when he could get anything convened him better. Says he, Sam, grandfather SHckuscd to say there was an old proverb in Yorkshire, * a full belly makes a strong back,' and I guess if you try it, natur will tell you so too. If over you go to Connecticut, jist call into father's and he'll give you a real right down genuine New England breakfast, and if that don't happify your heart, then my name's not Sam Slick. It will make you feel about among the stiiiest, I tell you. It will blow your jacket out like a pig at sea. You'll have to shake a reef or two out of youT:/<^'*^j[ waistbans and make good stowage, I guess, to carry it all under^>v^ hatches. There's nothin likeagood pastur to cover the ribs, and make the hide shine, depend on't. Now this Province is like that are Grahamite lawyer's beef, it's too good for the folks that's in it; they either don't avail its value or won't use it, because work ant arter their ' law of natur.' As you say, they are quiet enough (there's worse folks than the blue-noses, too, i'you come to that) , and so they had ought to be quiet, for they have nothin to fight about. As for politics, they have nothin to desarve the name ; but they talk enough about it, and a plaguy sight of nonsense they do talk, too. Now with us, the country is divided into two parties, of the mam- mouth breed, the ins and the outs, the administration and the oppo- sition. But Where's the administration here? Where's the War Office, the Foreign Office, and the Home Office ? where's the Secre- tary of the Navy ? where the State Bank? where's the Ambassadors :H'*w«)V»fV, and Diplomatists ( them are the boys to wind off a snarl of ravcllins as slick as if it were on a reel) and where's that Ship of State, fitted up all the way from the forecastle clean up to the starn post, chuck full of good snug berths, handsumly found and furnished, ti^r over tier, one above another, as thick as it can hold ? That's a helm worth handlen, I tell you; I don't wonder that folks mutiny below, and fight on the decks above for it — it makes a plaguy uproar the whole time, and keeps the passengers for everlastinly in a state of alarm for foar they'd do mischif by bustin thebyler, a runnin aground, or gettin foul of some other craft. This Province is better as it is, quieter and happier far ; they have berths enough and big enough, they should be careful not to increase 'oni ; and if they wore to do it over agin, perhaps they'd be as well _ ■^ > 4// H -01 W) u THE GLOCKMAKER. jtiyirtty.-. ;!'! 11 \ ^4-)/' ''t "ii: 'A 'M ni; .^ With fewer, They have two parties here, the Tory party and the Opposition party, and both on 'em run to extremes. Them radicals, ^^ says one, are for Icvellin all down to their own level, tho' not a £eg h lower; that's their gage, jist down to their own notch and no further; and they'd agitate the whole country to obtain that object, for if a man can't grow to be as tall as his neighbour, if he cuts a few inches off him why then they are both of one height. They are a m6st dangerous, disaflected people — they areetarnally appealin to the worst passions of the mob. Well, says t'other, them aristocrats, they'll ruinate the country, they spend the whole revenu on themselves. What with Bankers, Councillors, Judges, Bishops, and Public Oifi- cers, and a whole tribe of Lawyers as hungry as hawks, and jist about as marciful, the country is devoured, as if there was a flock of lucusts a feeding on it. There's nothin left for roads and bridges. f fr^'»v;^i^ her, the King woiild make a man of me for ever.' So, says he to the '^ ^-c^'*^ W] first leftenant, reeve a rope thro' that are block at the tip eend of the fore yard, and clap a runnin nuse in it. The Leftenant did it as quick as wink, and came back, and says he, I guess it's done. Now, says the Captain, look here, pilot, here's a rope you han't seed yet, I'll jist explain the use of it to you in case you want the loan of it. If this — here frigate, manned with our free and enlightened citizens, gets aground, I'll give you a ride oh the slack of that arc rope, right up to that yard by the neck, by Gum. Well, it rub'd all the writin out of his face, as quick as spitten on a slate takes a sum out, you may de- / pend. Now, they should rig up a crane over the street door of the, ^^^ ^''^*^' the buildin, run 'em on the breakers on purpose, string 'em up li' e an onsafe dog. A sign of that are kind, with ' a house of public enter- tainment,' painted under it, would do the business in less than no time. If it wouldn't keep the hawkes out of the poultry yard, it's a pity — it would scare them out of a year's growth, that's a fact — if they used it once, I guess they wouldn't have occasion for it agin in a hurry — it would be like the Aloe tree, and that bears fruit only once in a hundred yeafs. If you want to know how to act any time, squire, never go to books, leave them to galls and school boys ; but go right ofl'and cy- pher it out of natur, that's a sure guide, it will never deceive you, you may depend. For instance, what's that to me, is a phrase so common that it shows it's a nateral one, when people have no parti- cular interest in a thing. Well, when a feller gets so warm on either side as never to use that phrase at all, watch him, that's all I keep your eye on him, or he'll walk right into you afore you know where you be. If a man runs to me and says, * your fence is down,' thank you, says I, that's kind — if he comes agin and says, *,I guess some stray cattle have broke into your short sarce garden,' I (hank him 66 THE CLOCKMAKER. ':i I agin ; says I, como now, this.is neighborly; but when he keeps etar> / nally tellin me this thing of one sarvant, and that thing of another ( sarvant, hints that my friends an't true, that my neighbours are \ inclined to take advantage of me, and that suspicious folks are seen, about my place, I say to myself, what onairth makes this critter take such a wonderful interest in my affairs ? I dont like to hear such I tales — he's arter somethin as sure as the world, if he warnt ho'd say, ' what's that to me* I never believe much what I heard said by a man' s violent friendf or violent enemy y I want to hear what a disinterested man has to say— ;zonr, as a disinterested man, I say if the members of the House of Assembly y instead of raimn up ghosts and hobgohlim to frighten folks with, and to shore what swordsmen they bCy acuttin and thrustin at phantoms that only exist in their own brains t would turn to heart and hand, and develape the resources of this fine country ^ facilitate the means of transport — promote its in- ternal improvetnent, and encourage its foreign trade, they would malce it the richest and greatest, as it now is one of tlic happiest sec- tions of all America-— I hope I may be skinned if they wouldn't — they would, I swan. CHAPTER XIX. THE CLOCKMAKER QUILTS A BLUE-NOSE. The descendants of Eve have profited little by her example. The curiosity of the fair sex is still insatiable, and, as it is often ill-direct- ed, it frequently terminates in error. In the country this feminine propensity is troublesome to a traveller, and he who would avoid importunities, would do well to announce at once, on his arrival at a Cumberland Inn, his name and his business, the place of his abode, and the length of his visit. Our beautiful hostess, Mrs. Pugwash, as she to(9k her seat at the breakfast table this morning, exhibited the example that suggested these renections. She was struck with horror at our conversation, the latter part only of which she heard, and of course misapplied and misunderstood. She was run down by the President, said I, and has been laid up for some time. Gulard's people have stripped her, in consequence of her making water so fast. Stripped whom? said Mrs. Pugwash, as she suddenly dropped the tea-pot from her hand ; stripped whom, — for heaven's sake tell me who it is? The Lady Ogle, said I. Lady Ogle, said she, how horrid 1 Two of her ribs were so broken as to require to be replaced with new ones. Two new ribg, said she, well, I HE QUILTS A BLUE-NOSE. 01 keeps etar* of another ibours are 18 are seen, critter take hear such irarnt he'd heard said !ar what a n, I say if up ghosts irvordsmen I tJieir own esourcea of tote its in- hey would ippiest seC" wouldn*t — peat at the suggested kversation, [pplied and 3n laid up insequence 1 Pug wash, |ed whom, I. Lady )ken as to ic, well, I v^ taeyer heerd the beat of that in all my born days ; poor critter, how she must have suiTered. On examining her below the waist they found— Examining her still lower, said she (all the^ pride of her sex revolting at the idea of such an indecent exhibition), you don't pretend to say they stripped her below the waist ; what did the Admiral say ? Bid he stand by and see her handled in that way ? The Admiral* madam, said I, did not trouble his head about it. They found her extremely unsound there ,and much worm eaten. Worm eaten, she continued, how awful 1 it must have been them nasty jiggers that got. ')'■'• f in there ; they tell me they are dreadful thick in the West I ndies ;. Joe Grow had them in his feet, and lost two of his toes. Worm eaten, dear, dear 1 1 but still that aint so bad as having them great he fellows strip one. I promise you if them Gulards had undertaken to strip me, I'd taught them diiferent guess manners; I'd died first before I'd sub- mitted to it. I alway heerd tell the English quality ladies were awful bold, but I never heerd the like o' that. What on airth are you drivin at? said Mr. Slick. I never seed you so much out in your latitude afore, marm, I vow. We were talking of repairin a vessel, not strippin a woman : what under the sun could have put that are crotchet into your head? She looked mor-^ 'i'^V' tifiedand humbled at the result of her own absurd curiosity, and soon ^ '*^^ quitted the room. I thought I should have snorted right out two or ,, three times, said the Clockmaker ; I had to fuckerji^ my mouth nke ufhi hfoi'U^ the upper eend of a silk puss, to keep from yawhawin in her face, to hear the critter let her clapper run that fashion. She is not the first '^a/ hand that has caught a lobster, by puttin in her oar afore herturn,^V!'^'<«;^ I guess. She'll mind her stops next hitch, I reckon. This was our '^'»^* '^^■' last breakfast at Amherst.y^^ / , ,^,, ^;^ ) ^ , t\ , An early frost that smote tlie 't)otatoe fields, and changed the beau- tiful green colour of the Indian corn into shades of light yellow, and dark brown, reminded me of the presence of autumn — of the season of short days and bad roads, I determined to proceed at once to Parrs- boro, and thence by the Windsor and Kentville rout to Annapolis, Yarmouth, and Shelburne, and to return, by the shore road, through Liverpool and Lunenburg to Halifax. I therefore took leave (though not without much reluctance) of the Clockmaker, whose intention had been to go to Fort Lawrence. Well, said he, I vow I am sorry to part company along with you; a considerable long journey like ourn, is like sitting up late with the galls, a body knows its getting on pretty well towards mornin, and yet feels loih to go to bed, for its . just the time folks grow sociable. I got a scheme in my head, said he, that I think will answer both on us ; I got debts due to me in all them are places for Clocks sold by the concarn, now suppose you leave your horse on these marshes this fall, he'll get as fat as a fool, he won't be able to see out of his ■f-ih AS THE CLOCKMAKER. eyes in a month, and I'll put ' Old Claif (I call him Clay artcr ouriKr' nator, "who is a prime bit of stuiTjinto a Yankee waggon I have here, and drive you all round the coast. This was too good an oiTer to be declined. A run at grass for my horse, an ea^y and comfortable waggon, and a guide so original and amusing as Mr. Slick, were either of them enough to induce my ac- quiescence. As soon as we had taken our seats in the waggon, he observed, We shall progress real handsum now; that are horse goes ctarnal /,,/.. fast, he near about set my axle on fire twice. He's a_spanker you 'r<^ '^ t/. 7'"™*y depend. I had him when he was a two year old, all legs and ;;^*ii'f/pu'iQ\\^ like a devil's darnin needle, and had him broke on purpose by >^!)W'<< '"^/^.ther's old nigger, January Snow. He knows English real well, and ^ can do near about any thing but speak it. He helped me once to ginn a blue-nose a proper handsum guUtin. He must have stood a poor chance indeed, said I, a horse kicking, and a man striking him at JJ}'i''. "/*■.- the same time. Oh ! not arter that ]i3ttern all, said he; Lord, if Old ^■" (,Axv/A.»//V,(Clay had kicked him; he'd a smashed him like that are saucer you ' broke at Pugnose's inn, into ten hundred thousand million flinders. Oh I no, if I didn't fix His flint for him in fair play, it's a pity. I'll tell you how it was. 1 was up to Truro, at Ezra Whitter's Inn. There was an arbitration there atween Deacon Text and Deacon Faith- ful. Well, there was a nation sight of folks there, for they said it was a biter bit, and they came to witness the sport, and to see which critter would get the ear mark. Well, I'd been doin a little business there among the folks, and had jist sot off for the river, mounted on Old Clay, arter takin a glass of Ezra's most particular handsum Jamaiky, and wastrottin ofl'pretty slick, when who should I run agin but Tim Bradley. He is a dread- ful hugly, cross-grained critter, as you een amost ever seed, when he is about half-shaved. Well. I stopped short, and says I, Mr. Bra- dley, I hope you beant hurt ; I'm proper sorry I run agin you, you can't feel uglier than I do about it, I do assure you. He called me a Yankee pedlar, a cbeatin vagabond, a wooden nutmeg, and threw a good deal of assorted hardware of that kind at me ; and the crowd of folks cried out, Down with the Yankee, let him have it, Tim, teach him better manners; and they carried on pretty high, I tell you. / Well, I got my dander up too, I felt all up on eend like; and, thinks 1/ '^'' I to myself, my lad, if I get a clever chance, I'll give you such a - J)/'-'^''"} /iduiltin as you never had since you w?re raised from a jgedlin, I vow. So, says I, Mr. Bradley, I guess you had better let me be ; you know I can't fight no more than a c )w — I never was brought^up to wranglin, ,\^y >''• and I don't like it. Haul o^ t.>e cowardly rascal, they all bawled m\ ■;; haul him off, and lay it into him. So he lays right hold of me by the collar, and gives me a pull, and I lets on as if I'd lost my balance, and ME QUILTS A BLUK-NOSB. 01) rtcr our sc- have here, rass for ray triginal and lice my ac- ) observed, DCS etarnal panker you ill legs and purpose by al well, and nee to ginn tood a poor dng him at Lord, if Old saucer you on flinders. I pity, rii liter's Inn. ;aconFaith- said it was hich critter folks, and ikin a glass n olT pretty is a dread- d, when he Mr. Bra- il you, you lalled me a nd threw a e crowd of im, teach '. tell you. |nd, thinks ou such a lin, I vow. lyou know Iwranglin, jiwled out,^ le by the mce. and falls right down. Then I jumps up on eend, and says, 1 ' go ahead, Clay,' and the old orsc ho sets ofl" ahead, so I knew I had him when I wanted him. Then, says I, I hope you are satisfied now, Mr. Bradley, with that are ungenteol fall you ginn me. Well, he makes a blow at mo, and I dodged it; now, sayf I, you'll be sorry for this, I tell you; t won't be treated this way for nothin ; I'll go right olT and swear my life again you, I'm most afeerd you'll murder me. Well, he strikes at me again (thinking he had a genuine soft horn to deal with], and hits me in the shoulder. Now, says I, I won't stand here to be lathered like a dog all day long this fashion, it tante- / ])retty at all, I guess I'll give you a chase for it. Off I sets arter my, jiorse like mad, and he arter me (I did that to get clear of the crowd, so that I might have fair play at him). Well, I soon found I had -kA'» MM //.. the heels of him, and could play him as I liked. Then I slackened^ ^^^'««/u^ up a little, and when he came close up to me, so as nearly to lay his / j hand upon me, I squatted right whap down, all short, and he pitched- ^^'■*-' * over me near about a rod or so, I guess, on his head, and plowed up the ground with his nose, the matter of a foot or two. If he didn't polish up the coulter, and both mould boards of his face, it's a pity. Now, says I, you had better lay where you be and let me go, for I am proper tired; I blow like a horse that's got the heaves ; and be- sides, says I, I guess you had better wash your face, for I am most a feard you hiirt yourself. That ryled him properly ; I meant that it should; so he ups and at me awful spiteful, like a bull ; then I lets him have it, right, left, right, jist three corkers, beginning with the right hand, shifting to the left, and then with the right hand agin.- 2^ This way I did it, said the Glockmaker (and he showed me the manner in which it was done), it's a beautiful way of hitting, and always does the business — a blow for each eye, and one for the mouth. It sounds like ten pounds ten on a blacksmith's anvil ; I bunged up both eyes for him, and put in the dead lights in two tu's and drew three of his teeth, quicker a plaguy sight than the Truro doctor could, to save his soul alive. Now, says I, my friend, when you recover your eye-sight, I guess you'll see your mistake — I warn't born in the woods to be scared by an owl. The next time you feel in a most particular elegant good humour, come to me, and I'll play you the second part of that identical same tune, that's a fact. With that, I whistled for Old Clay, and back he comes, and I mounted and off, jist as the crowd came up. The folks looked stag-f ) ; gered, and wondered a little grain how it was done so cleverly in '^•^ short metre. If I didn't quilt him in no time you may depend; I went right slap into him, like a flash of lightning into a gooseberry bush. He found his suit ready made and fitted afore he thought he was half measured. Thinks I, friend Bradley, I hope you know yourself now, for I vow no livin soul would; you've swallowed your /■ ^-wVV- / Jtli^tJ •r- > ^. 70 THB CLOCKMAKER. soup without singin out scalding, and you're noa: about a pint and a half nearer cryin than larfin. Yes, as I was sayin, this * Old Clay' is a real knowin one, he's as spry as a colt yet, clear grit, ginger to the back bone; I can't help a thinkin sometimes the breed must have come from old Kentuck, half horse, half alligator, with a cross of the airthquake. I hope I may be tefrrtotally ruinated, if I'd take eight hundred dollars for him. Go ahead, you old clinker built villain, said he, and show the gentleman how wonderful h&ndsum you can travel. Give him the real Connecticut quick step. That's it — that's the way to carry the President's message to Congress, from Washington to New York, in no time — that's the go to carry a gall from Coston to Rhode Island, and trice her up to a Justice to be married, afore her father's out of bed of a summer's mornin. Aint he a beauty? a real doll? none of your Cumberland critters, that the more you quilt them, the more they won't go; but 'a proper one, that will go free gratis for nothin, all out of hi^ own head yolunterrilt/. Yes, a horse like ' Old Clay,' is worth the whole seed, breed and generation, of them Am-, herst beasts put together. He's a horse, every inch of him, stocky lock, and barrel, is old Piay. CHAPTER XX. SISTEB SALL S COUBTSHIP. A t .6"' L V.-... !L There goes one of them are overlastin rottin poles in that bridge;^ they are no better than a trap for a critter's leg, said the Clockmaker. They remiad me of a trap Jim Munroe put his foot in one night, that near about made one leg half a yard longer than tother. I h^aeve 1 told you of him, what a desperate idle feller he was — he cane from Onion County in Connecticut. Well, he was courtin Sist^jr Sail — she was a real handsum looking gall ; you scarce ever seed a more out and out complete critter than she was — a fine figur head, and a beautiful model of a craft as any in the state ; a real clipper, and as ful of fun and frolic as a kitten. Well, he fairly turned Sail's head ; the more wo wanted her to give him up, the more she would'nt, and wc got plaguy oneasy about it, for his character was none of the best. He was a univarsal favourite with the galls, and tho' he didn't behave very pretty neither, forgetting to marry where he promised, and where he hadn't ought to have forgot, too ; yet so it was, he had such an uncommon winnin way with him, he could talk them over in no time-- Sal! was fairly bewitched. SISTER SALL'S COURTSHIP. II # At last, father said to him one evening when he came a courtin, Jim, says he, you'll never come to no good, if you act like old Scratch as you do; you aint fit to come into no decent man's house, at all, and your absence would be ten times more agreeable than your com- V/, pany, I toll you. I won't consent to Sail's goin to them are huskin- ''/ tr. I NEVER see one of them queer little old-fashioned teapots, like that are in the cupboard of Marm Pugwash, said the Clock-maker, that I don't think of Lawyer Crowning-shield and his wife. When I was down to Rhode Island last, I spent an evening with them. After I had been there a while, the black house-help brought in a little home- made dipt candle, stuck in a turnip sliced in two, to make it stand straight, and sot it down on the table. Why, says the Lawyer to his wife. Increase, my dear, what on earth is the meaning©' that? What does little Yiney mean by bringin in such a light as this, that aint fit for even a log hut of one of our free and enlightened citizens away down east; where's the lamp? My dear, says she, I ordered it — you know they are a goin to set you up for Governor next year, and I allot we must economise or wo will be ruined — the salary is only four hundred dollars a year, you know, and you'll have to give up your practice — we can't afford nothin now. Well, when tea was brought in, there was a little wee china teapot, that held about the matter of half a pint or so, and cups and sarcers about the bigness of children's toys. When he seed that, he grow most pcskily ryled, his under lip curled down like a peach leaf that's got a worm in it, and ho stripped his teeth and showed his SETTING UP FOR GOVERNOR. n grinders, like a bull dog. What foolery is this, said he ? My dear, said she. it's the foolery of being Governor; if you choose to sacrifice all your comfort to being the first rung in the ladder, don't blame . .,'a>,, ,;^^«JJ me for it. I didn't nominate you. I had not art nor part in it. It was cooked up at that are Convention, at Town Hall. Well, he sot for Aome time without sayin a word, lookin as black as a thunder cloud, just ready to make all natur crack agin. At last he gets up, and walks round behind his wife's chair, and taking her face between his two hands, he turns it up, and gives her a buss that went off like a pistol — it fairly made my mouth water to see him ; thinks I, them lips aint a bad bank to deposit one's spare kisses in, neither. In- crease, my dear, said he, I believe you are half right, I'll decline to-morrow, I'll have nothin to do with it — I won't be a Governor, on no account. Well, she had to haw and gee like, both a little, afore she could get her head out of his hands ; and then she said, Zachariah, says she, how you do act, aint you ashamed? Do for gracious sake behave yourself; and she coloured up all over like a crimson piany ; if you hav'n't foozled all my hair too, that's a fact, says she; and she put her curls to rights, and looked as pleased as fun, though poutin all the time, and walked right out of the room. Presently in come two well-dre««"'^d house-helps, one with a splendid gilt lamp, a real London touch, and another with a tea tray, with a large solid silver coffee-pot, and tea-pot, and a cream jug and sugar bowl ^^.'S'^h } 4- the same genuine metal, and a most elegant set of real gilt china. "'7' Then came in Marm Crowningshield herself, lookin as proud as if she would not call the President her cousin : and she gave the Lawyer a look, as much as to say, I guess when Mr. Slick is gone, ril{pay you off that are kiss with interest, you dear you — I'll answer a bill at sight for it, I will, you may depend. I believe, said he agin, you are right. Increase, my dear; its an expensive kind of honour that bein Governor, and no great thanks neither ; great cry and little wool, all talk and no cider — its enough I guess for a man to govern his own family, aint it, dear? Sartin, my love, said she, sartin, a man is never so much in his own proper sphere as there ; and beside, said she, his will is supreme to home, there is no danger of any one non-concurring him there, and she gave rao a sly look, as much as to say, I let him think he is master in his own house, /or when ladies wear the breeches, tlwir peilkoats ought to be long enough to hide them .• but I allot, Mr. Slick, you can see with half an eye that the ♦ grey mare is the bet- ter horse horc.' What a pity it is, continued the Glockmaker, that U-.e blue-noses wouliJ jiot take a leaf out of Marm Crowiungshield's book— talk •mofo ol (heir own allairs; and loss of politics. I'm sick of the w THE CLOCKMAKER. ' everlastin sound oi * House of Assembly,' and * Council,' and ' great i'olks.' They never alleviate talking about them from July to etar- nity. I had a curious conversation about politics once, away up to the right hero. Do you see that are house, said he, in the field, that's got a lurch to leeward, like a north river sloop, struck with a i!iA'v).'i^-^ squall, off West Point, lopsided like? It looks like Seth Pine, a ;ii 'I 'j * ' >^'/» C i. "y ; )tr< -if'.- _ it"'' C' > A " ' A +./>t .t taibr down to Hartford, that had one leg shorter than tother, when he stood at ease at militia trainin, a vestin on the littlest one. Well, I had a special frolic there the la^t time I passed this way. I lost the linch pin out of my forred a\}h, and I turned up there to get it sot to rights. Just as I drove t^irough the gate, I saw the eldest gall a makin for the house for dear life — she had a short petticoat on that looked like a kilt, and her bare legs put me in mind of the long shanks of a bittern down jn a rush swamp, a drivin away like mad full chizel arter a frog. I could not think what on airth was the matter. Thinks I, she wants to make herself look decent like afore I get in, she don't like to pull her stockings on afore me; so I pulls up the old horse, and let her have a fair start. Well, when I came to the door, I heerd a proper scuddin ; there was a regular flight into Egypt, jist such a noise as little children make when the mistress comes suddenly into school, all a huddlin and scroudgin into their seats, as quick as wink. Dear me, says the old woman, as she put her head out of a broken window to avail who it was, is it you, Mr. Slick ? I sniggers, if you did not frighten us properly, we actilly thought it was the Sheriff; do come in. Poor thing, she looked half starved and half savage, hunger and temper had made proper strong lines in her face, like water furrows in a ploughed field ; she looked bony and thin, like a horse that has had more work than oats, and had a wicked expression, as though it warnt over safe to come too near her heels — an everlastin kicker. You may come out, John, said she to her husband, its only Mr. Slick ; and out came John from under the bed backwards, on all fours, like an ox out of the shoein frame, or a lobster skuUin wrong eend fore- most — he looked as wild as a hawk. Well, I swan I thought I should have split, I could hardly keep from bursting right out with larfter— > he was all covered with feathers, lint, and dust, the savins of all the sweepins since the house was built, shoved under there for tidiness. Ho actilly sneezed for the matter of ten minutes — he seemed half choked with the flaffand stuff that came out with him like a cloud. Lord, he looked like a goose halfpicked, as if all the quills were gone, but the pen feathers and down were left, jist ready for singin and stuffin. He put me in mind of a sick Adjutant, a great tall hulkin bird, that comes from the East Indgies, amostashigh as a man, and most as knowin as a blue-nose. I'd a ginn a hundred dollars t^ SETTING UP FOR QOVERNOR. 77 have had that chap as a show at a fair — tar and feathers warn't half as naieral. You've seen a gall both larf and cry at the same time, hante you ? well I hope I may be shot if I couldn't have done the same. To see that critter come like a turkey out of a bag at Christmas, to be fired at for ten cents a shot, was as good as a play ; but to look round and see the poverty — the half naked children — the old pine stumps for chairs — a small bin of poor watery yaller potatoes in the corner — daylight through the sides and roof of the house, lookin Jike the tarred seams of a ship, all black where the smoke got out-— no utensils for cookin or eatin— and starvation wrote as plain as a hand- bill on their holler cheeks, skinney fingers, and sunk eyes, went right straight to the heart. I do declare I believe I should have crie ' ' I: > f ' h- ! lii ^/^ robes, where butter is spread with the thumb as well as the silver knife, natur is natur wherever you find it. Jist then, in came one or two neighbours to see the sport, for they took me for a sheriff or constable, or something of that breed, and when they saw it was me they sot down to hear the news ; they fell right too at politics as keen as anything, as if it had been a dish of real Connecticut Slaps Jacks, or Hominy; or what is better still, a glass of real genuine splendid mint julep, whe-enrup^ it fairly makes my mouth water to think of it. I wonder, says one, what they will do for us this winter in the House of Assembly? Nothin, says the other, they never do nothin but what the great people at Halifax tell 'em. Squire Yeoman is the man, he'll pay up the great folks this hitch, he'll let 'em have their own, he's jist the boy that can do it. Says I, I wish I could say all men were as honest then, for I am afear'd there arc a great many won't pay me up this winter; I should like to trade with your friend, who is he? Why, says he, he is the member for Isle Sable County, and if he don't let the great folks have it, it's a pity, Who do you call great folks, for, said I, I vow I havn't see'd one since I came here. The only one that I know that comes near hand to one is Nicholas Overknocker, that lives all along shore, about Margaret's Bay, and he is a. great man, it takes a yoke of oxen to drag him. When I first see'd him, says I, what on airth is the matter o' that man, has he the dropsy, for he is actilly the greatest man I ever see'd; he must weigh the matter of five hundred weight ; he d cut three inches on the rib, he must have a proper sight of lard, that chap? No, says I, don't call 'em great men, for there ain't a great man in the country, that's a fact; there ain't one that desarves the name ; folks will only larf at you if you talk that way. There may be some rich men, and I be- lieve there be, and it's a pity there warn't more on 'em, and a still greater pity they have so little spirit or enterprise among 'em, but a country is none the worse of having rich men in it, you may depend. Great folks ! well, corne^ that's a good joke, that bangs the bush. No my friend, says I, the meat that's at the top of the harrcl^ is some- times not so good as that's a little grain lower down : the upper and lower eends are plaguy apt to have a little taint in 'em, hut the middle is always good. Well, says the b!ue-nose, perhaps they beant great men, exactly in that sense, but ihey are great men compared to us poor folks ? and they eat up all the revenue, there's nothin left for roads and bridges, Ihey want to ruin the country, that's a fact. Want to ruin your granny, says I (for it raised my dander to hear the critter talk such nonsense), I did hear of one chap, says I, that sot fire to his own house once, up to Squantum, but the cunnin rascal insured it SETTING UP FOR GOVERNOR. •79 first; now how can your great folks ruin the country without ruinin themselves, unless they have insured the Province? Our folks will insure all creation for half nothin, but I never heerd tell of a country being insured agin rich men. Now if you ever go to Wall Street, to get such a policy, leave the door open behind you, that's all ; or they'll grab right hold of you, shave your head and blister it, clap a straight jacket on you, and whip you right into a mad house, afore you can say Jack Robinson. No, your great men are nothin but rich men, and I can tell you for your comfort, there's nothin to hinder you from bein rich too, if you will take the same means as they did. They were once {all as poor folks as you be, or their fathers afore them; for I know their whole breed, seed, and \ generation, and they wouldn't thank you to tell them that you knew \ their fathers and grandfathers, I tell you. If ever you want the loan of a hundred pounds from any of them, keep dark about that-— see as far ahead as you please, but it tante always pleasant to have folks see too far back. Perhaps they be a little proud or so, but that's nateral ; all folks that grow up right off, like a mushroom in one night, are apt to think no small beer of themselves. A cabbage has plaguy large leaves to the bottom, and spreads them out as wide as an old woman's petticoats, to hide the ground it sprung from, and conceal its extraction, but what's that to you? If they get too large salaries, dock 'em down at once, but don't keep talkin about it for everlastinly. If you have too many sarvants, pay some on 'em) oir, or when they quit your sarvice don't hire others in their room, that's' all ; but you miss your mark when you keep firin away the whole blessed time that way. I went out a gunnin when I was a boy, and father went with me to teach me. Well, the first flock of plover I see'd I let slip at them and missed them. Says father, says he, W hat a blockhead you be, Sam, that's your own fault, they were too far ofl", you hadn't ought to have fired so soon. At Bunker's hill we let the British come right on till we see'd the whites of their eyes, and then we let them have it slap bang. Well, I felt kinder grigged at missin my shot, and I didn't over half like to be scolded too; so, says I, Yes, father; but recollect you had a mud bank to hide behind, where you were proper safe, and you Jhad a rest for your guns too ; but as soon as you see'd a little more than the whites of their eyes, you run for your dear life, full split, and so I don't see much to brag on in that arter all, so come now. I'll teach you to talk that way, you puppy, you, said he, of that glorious day ; and he fetched me a wipe that I do believe, if I hadn't a dodged, would have spoiled my gunnin for that hitch; so I gave him a wide birth arter that' all day. Well, the next time I missed, says I, she hung fire so everlastinly, it's no wonder, and the next miss, says I, the powder is no good, I vow. Well, I missed .;>->^'. I h W(.H- "-j 80 THE CLOCKMAKER. every shot, and I had an excuse for every one on 'em — the flint was had, or she flashed in the pan, or the shot scaled, or something or another; and when all wouldn't do, I swore the gun was no good at all. Now, says father (and he edged up all the time, to pay meolT for that hit at his Bunker hill story, which was the only shot I didn't miss], you han't got the right reason arter all. It was your own fault, Sam. Now that's jist the case with you ; you may blame Banks and Council, and House of Assembly, and 'the great men,' till you are tired, but it's all your own fault — you've no spirit and no enterprise* you want industry and economy; use thenij aud you'll soon be as rkh as tJie people at Halifax you call ff real folks— they didn't grow rich by talking, but by working; instead of lookin after other folks* business, they looked about the keenest arter their own. You are like the machin»iry of one of our boats, good enough, and strong enough, but of no alrthiy use till you get the steam up; you want to be set in motion, and then you' 11 go a head like any thing, you may depend. Give up politics — it's a barren feld, and well watched too; where one critter jumps a fence into a good field and gets fat ^ more nor ttventy are chased round and round, by a whole pack of yelpin c^rs, till tliey are fairly beat out, and eendby bein half starv- ed, and are at the liftin at last. Look to your farms — your water pmvers — your fisheries, and factories. In short, says I, putting on my hat and startin, look to yourselves, and don't look to others. CHAPTER XXn. A Cl'RE FOR CONCEIT. It's a most curious unaccountable thing, but it's a fact, said i\t& Clockmaker, the blue-noses are so conceited, they think they know every thing; and yet there aint a livin soul in Nova Scotia knows his own business real complete, farmer or fisherman, lawyer or doctor, or any other folk. A farmer said to me one day, up to Pugnose's inn, at River Philip, Mr. Slick, says he, I allot this aint *a bread country ;' I intend to sell ofT the house I improve and go to the States. If it aint a bread country, said I, I never see'd one that was. There is more bread used here, made of best superfine flour, and No. 1, Genessee, than in any other place of the same population in the univarse. You might as well say it aint a Clock Country, when to my sartin knowledge there are more clocks than bibles in it. I guess you expect to raise your bread ready made, don't you? Well, there's only one class of our Tree and enlightened citizens that can do that, A CURE FOR CONCEIT. 81 and that's them that are born with silver spoons in their mouths. It's a pity you wasn't availed of this truth, afore you up killoch and off— take my advice and bide where you be. Well, the fishermen are jist as bad. The next time you go into the fish-market at Halifax, stump some of the old hands; says you, * how many fins has a cod, at a word,' and I'll liquidate the bet if you lose it. When I've been along-shore afore now, a vendin of my clocks, and they began to raise my dander, by belittleing the Yankees, I always brought them up by a round turn by that requirement, * how many fins has a cod, at a word.' Well they never could answer it; and then, says I, when you larn your own business, I guess it will be time enough to teach other folks theirn. How different it is with our men folk, if they can't get thro' a question, how beautifully they can go round it, can't they? Nothin never stops them. I had two brothers, Josiah and Eldad, one was a lawyer, and the other a doctor. They were talkin al^f their exa- minations one night, at a husklin frolic, up to Guvernor Ball's big stone barn at Slickville. Says Josy, When I was examined, the Judge axed me all about real estate ; and, says he, Josiah, says he, what's a fee? Why, says I, Judge, it depends on the natur of the case. In a common one, says I, I call six dollars a pretty fair one; but lawyer Webster has got afore now, I've heerd tell, 1,000 dollars, and that / do call a fee. Well, the judge he larfed ready to split his sides (thinks I, old chap, you'll burst like a steam byler, if you han't got a safety valve somewhere or another); and, says he, I vow that's superfine; I'll indorse your certificate for you, young man; there's no fear of you, you'll pass the inspection brand any how. Well, says Eldad, I hope I may be skinned if the same thing did'nt een amost happen to me at my examination. They axed me a nation sight of questions, some on 'em I could answer, and some on 'cm no soul could, right of the reel at a word, without a little cypherin; at last they axed me, ' How would you calculate to put a patient into a sweat, when common modes wouldn't work no how?' Why, says I , I'd do as Doctor Comfort Payne sarved father. And how was that, said they. Why, says I, he put him into such I sweat as I never see'd in him afore, in all my born days, since I was raised, by sending him in his bill, and if that didn't sweat him it's a pity; it was an active dose you may depend. I guess that are chap has cut his eye teeth, said the President, let him pass as approbated. They both knowed well enough, they only made as if they didn't, to poke a little fun at them, for the Slick family were counted in a general way to be pretty considerable cute. They reckon themselves here a chalk above us Yankees, but I guess they have a wrinkle or two to grow afore they progress ahead on us yet. If thoy han't got a full cargo of conceit here, then I never / >; » / M THE CLOCKMAKBR. r'/^ •! / see'd a load, that's all. They have the hold chock full, deck piled up to the pump handles, and scuppers under water. They larnt that of the British, who are actilly so full of it, they remind me of Com- modore Trip. When he was about half shaved ho thought every body drunk but himself. I never liked the last war, I thought it unnateral, and that we hadn't ought to have taken hold of it at all, and so most of our New England folks thought; and I wasn't sorry to hear Gineral Dearborne was beat, seein we had no call to go into Canada. But when the Guerri^re was captivated by our old Iron- sides, the Constitution, I did feel lifted up amost as high as a stalk of Varginy corn among Connecticut middlins ; I grew two inches taller, I vow, the night I heerd that news. Brag, says I, is a good dog, but hold fast is better. . The British navals had been a braggin and hcctorin so long, that when they landed in our cities, they swaggered e'en amost as much as Uncle Peleg (big Pcleg as he was called), and when he*w4ked up the centre of one of our narrow Boston streets, he used to swing his arms on each side of him, so that folks had to clear out of both foot paths : he's cut, afore now, the fingers of both hands agin the shop windows on each side of the street. Many's the poor feller's crupper bone he's smashed, with his great thick boots, a throwin out his feet afore him e'en amost out of sight, when he was in full rig a swigglin away at the top of his gait. Well, they cut as many shines as Uncle Peleg. One frigate they guessed would cap- tivate, sink, or burn our whole navy. Says a naval one day, to the skipper of a fishing-boat that he took, says he. Is it true Commodore Decatur's sword is made of an old iron hoop? Well, says the skipper, I'm not quite certified as to that, seein as I never sot eyes on it ; but I guess if he gets a chance he'll shew you the temper of it some of these days any how. ' I mind once a British man-o'-war took one of our Boston vessels, and ordered all hands on board, and sent a party to skuttle her ; well, they skuttled the fowls and the old particular genuine rum, but they obliviatcd their arrand and left her. Well, next day another frigate (for they were as thick as toads arter a rain) comes near her, and fires a shot for her to bring to. No answer was made, there bein no liviii soul on board, and another shot fired, still no answer. Why, what on airth is the mcanin of this, said the Captain, why don't they haul down that damn'd goose and gridiron (that's what he called our eagle and stars on the flag). Why, says the first leftenant, I guess they are all dead men, that shot frightened them to death. They are afeard to show their noses, says another, lest they thould be shaved off by our shots. They are all down below a 'calculatin' their loss, I guess, says a third. I'll take my davy, says the Captain, it's some Yankee trick, a torpedo in her bottom, or some such trap — we'll lot her be, and sure enougli, next day, back she came to shore of her- A CURE FOR CONCEIT. S3 self, ril givo you a quarter of an hour, says thu Captain or the Gucrri^re to his men, ^o take that arc Yankee frigate, the Constitu- tion. I guess ho found his mistake whore he didn't expect \U with- out any great sarch for it either. Yes (to eventuate my story), it did me good. I felt dreadful nice, I promise you. It was as lovely as bitters of a cold mornin. Our folks beat 'cm arter that so often, they got a little grain too much conceit also. They got their heels too hisih for their boots, and began to walk like uncle Poleg, too, so that when the Chesapeake got whipped I warn't sorry. We could spare that one, and it made our liavals look round, like a feller who gets a hoist, to see who's a larfin at him. It made '^m brush the dust ofT, and walk on rather sheepish. It cut their combs, that's a fact. The war did us a plaguy sight of good in more ways than one, and it did the British some good, too. It taught 'cm not to carry their chins too high, for fear they shouldn't see the gutters — a mistake that's spoiled many a bran new coat and trowsers aforo now. Well, these bluc-noscs have caught this disease, as folks do the Scotch fiddle, by shakin hands along with the British. Conceit has become here, as Doctor Rush says (you have hcerd tell of him, he's the first man of tlic age, and it's generally allowed our doctors take the shine olTof all the world), acclimated, it is citizenised among 'em, and the only cure is a real good quiltin. 1 met a first chop Colchester Gag this summer agoin to the races to Halifax, and ho knowcd as much about racin, 1 do suppose, as a Chictaw Ingian docs of a rail- road. Well, he was a prasin of his horse, and runnin on like Statiee. He was begot, he said, by Roncesvalles, which was better than any horse that ever was seen, because ho was once in a duko's stable in £ngland. It was only a man that had blood like a lord, said he, that knew what blood in a horse was. Captain Currycomb, an officer at Halifax, had seen his horse and praised him, and that was enough — that stamped him — that fixed his value. It was like the President's name to a bank note, it makes it pass current. Well, says I, I han't got a drop of blood in me nothin stronger than molasses and water, I vow, but I guess I know a horse when I see him for all that, and I don't think any great shakes of your beast, any how; what start will you give me, says I, and I will run *Old Clay' agin you, for a mile lick right an eend. Ten rods, said he, for twenty dollars. W^ell, we run, and I made 'Old Clay' bite in his breath, and only beat him by half a neck. A tight scratch, says I, that, and it would have sarved' me right if I had been beat. I had no business to run an old readier so cvcrlastin fast, it ain't fair on him, is it? Says he, I will double the bet and start even, and run you agin if you dare. Well, says I, since 1 won the last it wouldn't be pretty not to give you a chance; I do suppose I oughtn't to refuse, but I don't love to abuse my beast by knockin hi' -' " •- this wav. 0^:^.18^. IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 ^^ 1^ 1.1 11.25 ■tt liiii 12.2 £1 us. 12.0 FhotogFaphic Sdenoes Corporation .^x" <«► 23 WIST MAIN STRStt? WnSTIII,N.Y. I45M ( 71* ) •72-4503 4^ ^ r O / V4 rHE CLOCKIVIAKER. '>ir>' As soon as the money was staked, I said, Hadn't we better, says I, draw stakes, that are blood horse of your'n has such uncommon particular bottom, he'll perhaps leave me clean out of sight. No fear of that, said he, larfin, but he'll beat you easy, any how. No fl[nchin, , says he, I'll not let you go back of the bargain. It's run or forfeit. Well, says I, friend, there is fear of it; your horse will leave me out of sight, to a sartainty, that's a fact, for he caiit keep iip to me no time. I'll drop him, hull down, in tu tu's. If Old Clay didn't make a fool of him, it's a pity. Didn't he gallop pretty, that's all? He walked away from him, jist as the Chancellor Livingston steam-boat passes a sloop at anchor in the north river. Says I, I told you your horse would beat me clean out of sight, but you wouldn't believe me ; now, says I, I will tell you something else. That are horse will help you to lose more money to Halifax than you are a thinkin on ; for there ain't a beast gone down there that won't beat him. He can't run a bit, and you may tell the British Captain! say so. Take Jiim home and sell him^ buy a good yoke of oxen ; they are fast enough for a farmer, and give up Mood horses to them that can afford to keep fitahle-helps to tend ' 1 1 1 , - - t'' V" u.. ys'ii' /'/ /'A! */ !!! than half no time, you may depend. She larns him how vinegar is made: Put plenty of sugar into the water aforehand^ my dear, she said, if you want to make it real sharp. The larf is on the other side of his mouth then. If his slay gets upset, its no longer a funny matter, I tell you; he catches it right and left. Her eyes don't look right up to him any more, nor her little tongue ring, ring, ring, like a bell any longer, but a great big hood covers her head, and a whappin great muff covers her face, and she looks like a bag of soiled clothes agoin to the brook to be washed. When they get out, she don't wait any more for him to walk lock and lock Nvith her, but they march like a horse and a cow to water, one in each gutter. If there aint a transmogri- fication its a pity. The diflerence atween a wife and a sweetheart is neer about as great as there is between new and hard cider — a man never tires of puttin one to his lips, but makes plaguy wry faces at tother. It makes me so kinder ^amMecropt when I think on it, that I'm afeared to venture on matrimony at all. I have seen some blue-noses most properly bit, you may depend. You've seen a boy a slidin on a most beautiful smooth bit of ice, han't you, larfin, and hoopin, and hallowin like one possessed, when presently sowse he goes J,n over head and ears? How he outs, fins, and flo|)s about, and blows like a porpoise properly frightened, don't he ? and when he gets out, there he stands, all shiverin and shakin, and the water a squish- squashin in his shoes, and his trowsers all stickin sUmsey like to his Ibgs. Well, he^sneaks olThome, lookin like a fool, and thinkin every ' body he meets is a larfin at him — many folks here are like that are boy, afore they have been six months married. They'd be proper ^lad to get out of the sicrape too, and sneak off if they could, that's a fact. The marriage yoke is plaguy apt to gall the neck, as the ash bow does the ox in rainy weather, unless it be most particularly welF fitted. You've seen a yoke of cattle that warn't properly mated, they spend more strength in pulling agin each other, than iu pullin the load. Well, that's apt to be the case with them as choose their wives in sleighin parties, quiltin frolics, and soon ; instead of the dajnes, , looms, and cheese-house. ' * /^'"^'^ Now the blue-noses are all a stirrin in winter. The young folks drive out the ;galls, and talk love and all sorts of things as sweet as dough-nuts. The old folks find it near about as well to leave the old women to home, for fear they shouldn't keep tune together; so they drive out alone to chat about House of Assembly with their neigh- bours, while the boys and hired helps do the chores. When the Spring comes, and the fields are dry enough to be sowed, they all have to be plowed, cause fall rains wash tJie lands too much for fait fi/ntff/fiht. Well, the plows have to be mended and sharpened, ftfwsr .flE BLOWIN TIME. V in'^ Tdkats the use ofdain that afore its roanted. Well, the wheat gets in too lato, and then comes rust, but whose fault is that? Why the cli- mate to he sure,for^&oa Scotia aint a bread country. When a man has to run ever s.o far as fast as he can clip, he has to stop and take breath ; you must do that or choke. So it is with a horse; run him a mile» and his flanks will heave like a blacksmith's bellows; you must slack up the rein, and give him a little wind, or he'll fall right down with you. It stands to reason, don't it? Atwixt spring and fall work is * Blomin time,' Then Courts come on, and Grand Jury business, and Militia trainin, and Race trainin, and what not ; and a fine spell of ridin about and doin nothin^ a real ' Blowin tinie.* Then comes harvest, and that is proper hard work, mowin and pitchin hay, and reapin and bindin grain, and potatoe diggin. That's as .hard as sole leather, afore its hammered on the lap stone — it's most next to any thing. It takes a feller as toug^ as Old Hickory (General Jackson) to stand that. ''' * ' Ohio is most the only country I know of where folks are saved that trouble, and there the freshets come jlst in the nick of time for 'era,^ and sweep all the crops right up in a heap for 'em, and they have iiothin to do but take it home and house it, and sometimes a man gets more than his own crop, and finds a proper swad of it all ready piled up, only, a little wet or so; but all countries aint like Ohio. Well, arter harvest comes fall, and then there's a grand * blowin time,' till spring. Now, how the Lord the blue-noses can complain of their country, when it's only one-third work and two-thirds * blowin time,' no soul can tell. Father used to say, when I lived on the farm along with him— • Sam, says he, I vow I wish there was jist four hundred days in tbe year, for it's a plaguy sight too short for me. 1 can find as much work as all hands on us can do for 365 days, and jist 3d days more, if we had 'cm. We han't got a minit to spare; you must shell the corn, and winner the grain at night, and clean all upslijcJ(, or I guess we'll fall as'tarn, as sure as the Lord made Moses. If he didn't keep us all at it, a drivin away full chisel, the whole blessed time, it's a pity. There was no * blowin time' there, you may depend. We , i plowed all the fall, for dear life ; in winter we thrashed, made and ■]*-f'^-L mended tools, went to market and mill, and got out our firewood and rails. As soon as frost was gone, oame sowin and plantin, weedin and hoein— then harvest and spreadin compost — then gatherin matoure, fencin and ditchin—and then turn tu and fall plowin agin. It all went round like a wheel without stoppin, and so fast, I guess you couldn't see the spokes, just one long everlastin stroke from July to etarnity, without time to look back on the tracks, ^fnstead of racin over the country, like a young doctor, to show ho.v busy a man is that has nothin to do, as blue-nose dues, and then take a ' blowin / >? mt^mmm^^i^^im^^nm 8H ^P"^^ THB CLOCKMAKER. time.' we kept a rale travellin gate, an eight-mile-an-hour pace, the whole year vound. ITtey buy more nor they sell, and eat more than they raise, in this country. What a pretty way thcit is, isn't ? If the critters knew how to cypher, they would soon find out that a sum stated that way always eends in a naught. I never knew it to fdl, and I defy any soul to cypher it so, as to make it come out any other way, either by Schoolmaster's Assistant, or Algebra. When I was a boy, the Slickville bank broke, and an awful disorderment it made, that's a fact ; nothin else was talked of. Well, I studied it over a long time, but I couldn't make it out : so says I, Father, how came that are bank to break; warn't it well built? I thought that are Quincy granite was so amazin strong all natur wouldn't break it. Why you foolish critter, says he, it tante the bnildin that's broke, its the consarn that's smashed. Well, says I, 1 know folks are plaguily consarned about it, but what do you call < folks smashin their con- sarns?' Father, he larfed out like any thing ; I thought he never would stop — and sister Sail got right up and walked out of the room, as mad as a hatter. Says she, Sam, 1 do believe you are a born fool, I vow. When father had donelarfin, says he, I'll tell you, Sam, how it was. They ciphered ^t so, that they brought out nothin for a re^ mainder. Possible I says I ; I thoughtthere was no eend to their puss. I thought it was like Uncle Peleg's musquash hole, and that no soul could ever find the bottom of it. My 1 ! says I. Yes, says he, that are bank spent and lost more money than it made, and when folks do that, they must smash at last, if their puss be as long as the national one of Uncle Sam. This province is like that are bank of ourn, it's goin the same road, and they'll find the little eend of the horn afore they think they are half way down to it. If folks would only give over talkin about that everlasting House of Assembly and Council, and see to their farms, it would be better for 'em, I guess; for arter all, what is it? Why it's only a sort of first chop Grand Jury, and nothin else. It's no more like Congress or Parliament, than Marm Pugwash's keepin room is like our State hall. It's jist nothin — Congress makes war and peace, has a say in all treaties, confarms all great nominations of the President, regilates the army and navy, governs twenty-four independent States, and snaps its fingers in the face of all the nations of Europe, as much as to say, who be you? I allot I am as big as yju be. If you are six fool high, t am six foot six in my stockin feet, by gum, and can lambaste any two of you in no time. The British can whip all the world, and we can whip the British. But this little House of As- seuibly, that folks make such a touss about, what is it? Why jist a decent Grand Jury. They make their presentments of little money votes, to mend these cvcrlastin rottin little wooden bridges, to throw a poultice of mud once a year on the roads, and then take a ' blowin FATHER JOHN 0'8HAUOHNES8Y. t9 time' of three months and go home. The littler follLS be, the biggerN they talk. You never seed a small man that didn't wear high heel boots and a high crowned hat, and that warn't ready to fight most any one, to show he was a man every inch of him. I met a member the other day, who swaggered near about as large as Uncle Peleg. He looked as if he thought you couldn't find his * ditto' any where. He used some most particular educational words, genuine jaw-breakers. He put me in mind of a squirrel I once shot in our wood location. The little critter got a hickory nut in his . mouth ; well, he found it too hard to crack, and too big to swaller, and for the life and soul of him, he couldn't spit it out agin. If he didn't look like a proper fool, you may depend. We had a pond back of our barn, about the bigness of a good sizeable wash-tub, and it was chock full of frogs. Well, one of these little critters fancied himself a bull-frog, and he puffed out his cheeks, and took a real ' blowin time' of it ; ho roared away like thunder ; at last he puffed and puffed out till he burst like a byler. If I see the Speaker this winter (and I shall see him to a sartainty if they don't send for him to London, to teach their new Speaker), and he's up to snufT, that are man; he knows how to cypher-^-I'll jist spiy to him. Speaker, says I, if any of yoUk folks in the House go to swell out like dropsy, give 'em a hint in time. Says you, if you have are a little safety valve about you, let ofTalittle steam now and then, or you'll go for it ; recollect the Clock- maker's storv of the ' Blowin time.' CHAPTER XXIV. FATHKR JOHN SHAIGDNESSY. To-morrow will be Sabliath day, said the Glockmaker; I guess we'll bide where we be till Monday. I like a Sabbath in the country —all natur seems at rest. There's a cheerfulness in the day here, you don't find in towns. You have natur before you hero, and nothin but art there. The dcathy stillness of a town, and the barred win- dows, and shut shops, and empty streets, and great long lines of big brick buildins, look melancholy. It seems as if life had ceased tickin, but there hadn't been time for decay to take hold on there ; as if day had broke, but man slept. I can't describe exactly what I mean, but I always feel kinder gloomy and whamMecropt there. Now in the country it's jist what it ought to be — a day of rest for man and beast from labour. When a man rises on the Sabbath, and looks out on the sunny fields and iVavin crops, his heart feels proper grateful, and he says, come, this is a splendid day, aint it? let's get '^1 «JU THE CLOCKMAKER. /] L.I ready and put on our bcttcrmost close, and gb to mcotin. His first thought is prayerfully to render thanks ; and then when he goes to worship he meets all his neighbours, and he knows them all, and they are glad to see each other, and if any two on 'em han't exactly gee'd together durin the week, why they meet on kind of neutral ground, and the minister or neighbours make peace atween them. But it tante so in towns. You don't know no one you meet there. It's the worship of neighbours, but it's the worship of strangers, too, for neighbours don't know nor care about each other. Yes, 1 love a Sabbath in the country. While uttering this soliloquy, he took up a pamphlet from the table, and turning to the title page, said, have you ever seen this here book on the * Elder Controversy' (a controversy on the subject of Infant Baptism). This author's friends say it's a^lincher; they say he has sealed up Elder's mouth as tight as a bottle. No, said I, I have not; I have heard of it, but never read it. In my opinion the subject has been exhausted already, and admits of nothing new being said upon it. These religious controversies are a serious injury to the cause of true religion; they are deeply deplored by the good and moderate men of all parties. It has already embraced several denominations in the dispute in this Provmce, and I hear the agitation has extended to New Brunswick, where it will doubless be renewed with equal zeal. I am told all the pamphlets are exceptionable in point of temper, and this one in particular, which not only ascribes the most unworthy motives to it» antagonist, but contains some very unjustifiable and gratuitous attacks upon other sects unconnected with the dispute. The author has injured his own cause, for an intemperate advocate is more dangerous than an open foe. There is no doubt on it, said the Clockmaker, it is as clear as mud, and you are not the only one that thinks so, I tell you. About the hottest time of the dispute, I was to Halifax, and who should I meet but Father John O'Shaughnessy, a Catholic Priest. I had met him afore in Cape Breton, and had sold him a clock. Well, he was a leggin it olT hot foot. Possible 1 says I, Father John, is that you? Why, what on airth is the matter of you — ^what makes you in such an cverlastin hurry, driving away like one ravin, dis- tracted mad? A sick visit, says he ; poor Pat Lanigan, him that you mind to Bradore Lake, well, he's near about at the pint of death. I guess not, said I, for I jisthear tell he was dead. Well, that brought him up all standin, and he bouts ship in a jilTy, and walks a little way with me, and we got a talkin about this very subject. Says he, What are you, Mr. Slick? Well, I looks up to him and winks, A Clock- maker, says I : well, he smiled, and says he, I see ; as much as to say I hadn't ought to have axed that are question at all, I guess, for every man's religion is his own, and nobody else's business. Then^ says PATIiEIl JOHN O'SHAUGHNESSY. «1 he, you know all about this country— who does folks say has the best of the dispute? Says I, Father John, it's like the battles up to Canada lines last war, each side claims victory ; I guess there ain't much to brag on nary way, damage done on both sides, and nothing gained, as far as I can learn. He stopt short, and looked me in the face, nnd says he, Mr. Slick, you are a man that has see'd a good deal of the world, and a considerable of an.understandin man, and I guess I can talk to you. Now, says he, for gracious sake, do jist look here, and see how you heretics (Protestants I mean, says he— for I guess tliat are word slipt out without leave) are by the ears, a drivin away at each other, the whole blessed time, tooth and nail, hip and thigh, hammer and tongs, disputin, revelin, wranglin, and beloutin each other with all sorts of ugly names that they can lay their tongues to. Is that the way you love your neighbour as yourself? We say this is a practical comment on schism, and by the powers of Moll Kelly, said he, but they all ought to be well lambasted together, the whole batch on 'cm entirely. Says I, Father John, give me your hand; there are some things, I guess, you and I don't agree on, and most likely never will, seeing that you are a Popish priest; but in that idee I do opinit>nate with you, and I wish, with all my heart, all the world thought with us. I guess he didn't half like that are word Popish priest; it seemed to grig him like; his face looked kinder ryled, like well water arter a heavy rain; and said he, Mr. Slick, says he, your country is a free country, ain't it? The freest, says I, on the face of the airth — you can't * ditto' it nowhere. We are as free as the air, and when our dander's up, stronger than any hurrican you ever see'd— tear up all creation most; there aint the beat of it to be found any where. Do you call this a free country ? said he. Pretty considerable middlin, says I, seein that they are under a king. Well, says he, if you were seen in Connecticut a shakin hands along with a Popish priest, as you are pleased to call me (and he made me a bow, as much as to say, mind your trumps the next deal) as you now are in the streets of Halifax along with me, with all your crackin and boastin of your freedom, I guess, you wouldn't sell a clock agin in that State for one while, I tell you — and he bid me good mornin and turned away. Fa- ther John ! says I. — I can't stop, says he ; I must see that poor crit- ter's family; they must be in great trouble, and a sick visit is afore conirovarsy in my creed. Well, says I, one word with you afore you go; if that are name Popish priest was an ongenteel one, I ax your pardon ; I didn't mean no oflencc. I do assure you, and I'll say this for your satisfaction, tu, you're the first man in this Province that ever gave me a real right down complete checkmate since I first sot food in it,- I'll be skinned if you aint. Yes, said Mr. Slick, Father John was right; these antagonizing i.lk .ti uv 4' ftkt^l u» THE CLOCKMAKEU. , J^ ,.. chaps ought to bo woU qiiiltod, tho whole raft of 'cm. It fairly makes mo sick to sec the folks, each on 'em a backiii up of their own mnii. At it agin, says one; fair play, says another; stick it into him, says a third; and that's your sort, says a fourth. Them are tho folks who do mischief. They show such clear grit it fairly frightens me. It makes my hair stand right up an eend to see ministers do that are. It appears to me tlmt I cottld write a book infamur of myself and my notions, without mritinff agin any one, and if I couldn' t I wmildnt write at all, I snore. Our old minister, Mr. Hopewell (a real good man, and a larned iilan too that), they sent to him once to write agin the Unitarians, for they are agoin a head like statieo in New England, but he refused. Said he, Sam, says ho, when I first went to Cambridge, there was a boxer and wrastler came there, and he beat every one wherever he went. Well, old Mr. Possit was the Church of England parson at Charles- town, at the time, and a terrible powerful man he was — arael sneezer, and as active as a weasel. Well, the boxer met him one day, a little way out of town, a takin of his evenin walk, and said he, Parson, says he, they say you are a most plaguy strong man, and uncommon stifl* too. Now, says he, I never seed a man yet thai was a match for me; would you have any objection jist to let me be availed of your strength here in a friendly way, by ourselves, where no soul would be the wiser; if you will I'll keep dark about it, I swan. Go your way, said the Parson, and tempt me not; you are a carnal minded, wicked man, and I take no pleasure in such vain, idle sports. Very well, said the boxer; now here I stand, says he, in the path, right slap afore you; if you pass round me, then I take it as a sign that you are afeard on me, and if you keep the path, why then you must first put me out — that's a fact. The Parson jist made a spring forrard and kitched him up as quick as wink, and throwed him right over the fence whap on the broad of his back, and then walked on as if nothin had happened — as demure as you please, and lookin as meek as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Stop, said the boxer, as soon as he picked himself up, stop. Parson, said he, that's a good man, and jist chuck over my horse too, will yon, for i swan I believe you could do one near about as easy as t'other. My ! said he, if that don't bang the bush: you are another guess chap from what I took you to be, any how. Now, said Mr. Hopewell, says he, 1 won't write, but if are a Uni- tarian crosses my path, I'll jist overthe fence with him in no time, as the parson did tho boxer ; /or writin only aggravates your opponents, and never convinces tlicm. I never see'd a eonvart made by that way yet ,• but Fll tell yon, what I have seed^ a man set his own flock a doubtin by his own writm. You may happify your enemies, can- tankerate your opponeyUs, and injure your own cause by it, but I FATHER JOHN O'SHAUOHNESSY. 9:) dcfjl yoH to sarve it. Those wrUers, said ho, put mo in mind of that aro hoxor's pupils. Uc would somotimes sot two on 'om to spar ; woll, they'd put on their gloves and begin, larfm and jokin, all in Kood humour. Presently one on 'om would put in a pretty hard hlow: well, tothor would return it in airnest. Oh, says the other, if that's your play, off gloves and at it; and sure enough, away would II y their gloves, and at it they'd go tooth and nail. No, Sam, the misfortin is, we aroall apt to think Scriptur intended for our neighbours, and not for ourselves. The poor all think it made for the rich. Look at that are Dives, they say, what an ell (irod scrape ho got into by his avarice, with Lazarus; and ain't it writ as plain as any thing, that them folks will find it as easy to go to heaven, as for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. Well, then, the rich think it all made for the poor — that they sharn't steal nor bear false witness, but shall be obedient to them that's in autho- rity. And as for them are Unitarians, and he always got his dander up when he spoke of them, why there's no doin nothin with them^ says he. When they get fairly stumped , and you produce a text that they can't get over, nor get round, why they say it tante in our version, at all — that's an interpolation, it's an invention of them are everlastin monks; there's nothin left for you to do with them, but to sarve them as Parson Possit detailed the boxer — lay right hold of 'em andchuk 'em over the fence, even if they were as big as all out doors. That's what our folks ought to have done with 'em at first, pitched 'em clean out of the state, and let 'em go down to Nova Scotia, or some such outlandish place, for they aint't fit to live in no Christian country at all. Fightin is no way to make convarts ; the irtte way is to win 'em, ^ You may stop a man's mouth, Sam, says he, by crammin a book/ down his throat, but you won't convince him. Its a fine thing to write a book all covered over with Latin and Greek, and Hebrew, like a bridle that's real jam, all spangled with brass nails, but who knows whether it's right or wrong? Why not one in ten thousand. If I had my religion to choose, and warn't able to judge for myself, I'll tell you what I'd do: I'd jistask myself who leads the best lives?} Now, says he, Sam, I won't say who do, because it would look li^ vanity to say it was the folks who hold to our platform, but I'll tell you who don't. It ain't them that makes the greatest professions always ; and mind what I tell you, Sam, when you go a tradin with your clocks away down east to Nova Scotia, and them wild provinces^ keep a bright look out on them as cant too much, far a longface^ is plaguy apt to ewer a long w<'e— that's a fact. ' ''vi 01 THE Cr.OrKMAKKK. CHAPTEH XXV. TAMING A siini:w. /«».•. ;/^- The road from Amhorst to Parrsboro' is tedious and uninteresting/ In places it is made so straight, that you can see several miles of it before you, which produces an appearance of interminable length, while the stunted growth of the spruco and birch trees bespeaks a cold, thin soil, and invests the scene with a melancholy and sterile aspect. Here and there occurs a little valley with its meandering, stream, and verdant and fertile intervale, which, though possessing nothing peculiar to distinguish it from many others of the same kind, strikes the traveller as superior to them all, from the contrast to the surrounding country. One of those secluded spots attracted my attention, from the number and neatness of the buildings, which its • proprietor, a tanner and currier, had erected for the purposes of his trade. Mr. Slick said, he knew him, and ho guessed it was a pity he couldn't keep his wife in as good order as ho did his factory. They don't hitch their horses together well at all. Ho is properly hen- pecked, said he; he is afeerd to call his soul his own, and he leads "" • ( the life of a dog; you never seed the boat of it, I vow. Did you '^ ;. r'ir ever see a rooster hatch a brood of chickens? No, said I, not that I ^ ' can recollect. Well, |thcn 1 have, said he, and if ho don't look like a fool all the time he is a settin on the eggs, it's a pity ; no soul could help larfln to sec him. Our old nii^ger, January Snow, had a spite agin one of father's roosters, seein that he was a coward, and wouldn't fight, lie used to call him Dearborne, artcr our General that be- haved so ugly to Canada : and, says he one day, I guess you are no better than a hen, you everlaslin old chicken-hearted villain, and I'll make you a larfln stock to all the poidtry. I'll put a trick on you you'll bear in mind all your born days. So he catches old Dearborne, and pulls all the feathers ofl* his breast, and strips him as naked as when he was born, from his throat clean down to his tail, and then takes a bundle of nettles and gives him a proper switchin that stung him, and made him smart like mad; then he warms some eggs and puts them in a nest, and sets the old cock right a top of 'em. Well, the warmth of the eggs felt good to the poor critter's naked belly, ■ i;f n^-' and kinder kept the itchin of the nettles down, and he was glad to bide where he was, and whenever he was tired and got ofT, his skin r- /i-t ('fti felt so cold, he'tl run right back and gguat down agin, and when his « feathers began lo tjrow, and ho got obslropolous, he got anothcjr' ticklin with the nettles, that made him return double quick to his ^ridiw. '" " •'*♦''" ♦''."'^ ^«' 'arnt the trade real c inplote. TAMING A 8IIUEW. o:> Now, this John Porter (and thoro ho is on the bridge I vow, I never seed the beat o' that, speak of old Saytin and he's sure (o appear), well, he's jist like old Dearborne, only fit to hatch eggs. When we came to the Bridge, Mr. Slick stopped his horse, to shako hands with Porter, whom he recognised as an old acquaintance and customer. He enquired after a bark mill he had smuggled from the States for him, and enlarged on the value of such a machine, and the cleverness of his countrymen who invented such useful and profitable articles; and was recommending a new process of tanning, when a female voice from the house was heard, vociferating, 'John Porter, come here this minute' 'Coming, my dear/ said the husband. ' Come here, I say, directly ; why do you stand talking to that yankee villain there?' The poor husband hung his head, looked silly, and bidding us good bye, returned slowly to the house. As wo drove on, Mr. Slick said, that was mc — I did that. Did what? said I. Thai was me that sent him back, I called him and not his wife. ^ ..ad that arc bostowment ever since I was knee high or so; I'm a real complete hand at VentriiC4i.tsm ; I can take o(T i>ny man's voice I ever heard to the very nines. If there was a law agkU forgin Ihat, as there is for handwritin, 1 guess I should have been hanged long ago. I've had high goes with it many a time, but its plaguy danger- some, and I don't prac^i«(^ it now but seldom. I had a real bout with that are citizen's wife once, and completely broke her in for him ; she went as gentle as a circus horse for a space, but he lot her have her head agin, and she's as bad as ever now. I'll tell you how it was. I was down to the Island a scHin clocks, and who should I meet but John Porter; well, I traded with him for one part cash, part truck, and i^rod uce^ and also put ofi* on him that are bark mill you heerd me axin about, and it was pretty considerable on in the evenin afore wo finished our trade. I came home along with him, and had the clo3k in the waggon to fix it up for him, and to show him how to regilate it. Well, as we neared his house, he began to fret and take on dreadful oneasy ; says he, I hope Jane wont be abed, cause if she is she'll act ugly, I do suppose. I had heerd tell of her afore; how she used to carry a stiff upper lip, and make him and the broomstick well acquainted together ; and, says I, why do you put up with her tantrums, I'd make a fair division of the house with her, if it was me, I'd take the inside and allocate her the outside of it pretty quick, that's a fact. Well, when wo came to the house, there was no light in it, and the poor critter looked so streaked and down in the mouth, I felt proper sorry for him. When he rapped - at the door, sho called out, Who's there? It's me, dear, says Porter. You, is it, said she, then you may stay where you be, them as gave 00 THE CLOCKMAKER. ..Tt«'^' you your supper, may give you your bed, instead of sendin you sneakin home at night like a thief. Said I, in a whisper, says I, Leave her to mc, John Porter — jist take the horses up to the barn, and see arter them, and I'll manage her for you, I'll make her as sweet as sugary candy, never fear. The barn you see is a good piece off to the eastward of the house ; and as soon as he was cleverly out of hearin, says I, a imitatin of his voice to the life, Do let me in, Jan6, says I, that's a dear critter, I've brought you home some things you'll like, I know. Well, she was an awful jealous critter ; says she, Take om to her you spent tlie evenin with, I don't want you nor your present neither. Arter a good deal of coaxin I stood on tother tack, and began to threaten to break the door down ; says I, You old un- ' hansum lookin sinner, you vinerger crj^et you, open the door this minit or I'll smash it right in. That grigged her properly, it made her very wrathy (for nothin sets up a woman's spunk like callin her ugly, she gets her back right up like a cat when a strange dog comes near her ; she's all eyes, claws, and bristles) . I heerd her bounce right out of bed, and she came to the door as she was, ondressed, and onbolted it ; and as I entered it, she fetched me a box right across my cheek with the flat of her hand, that made it tingle agin. I'll teach you to call names agin, says she, you varmint. It was jist what I wanted ; I pushed the door tu with my foot, and seizin her by the arm with one hand, I quilted her with the horsewhip real handsum with the other. At first she roared like mad ; I'll give you the ten commandments, says she (meaning her ten claws], I'll pay you for this, you cowardly villain, to strike a woman. How dare you lift your hand, John Porter, to your lawful wife, and so on ; all the time runnin round and rouno, like a colt that's a breakin, with the mouthin bit, rarein, kickin, and plungin like statiee. Then she began to give in. Says she, I beg pardon, on my knees I beg pardon — don't murder me, for Heaven's sake — don't, dear John, don't murder your poor w^ife, that's a dear, I'll do as you bid me, I promise to behave well, upon my honour I do— ' oh ! dear John, do, forgive me, do dear. When 1 had her brought properly to, for havin nothin on but a thin under garment every crack of the whip told like a notch on a baker's tally, says I, Take that as a taste of what you'll catch when you act that way like old Scratch. Now go and dress yourself, and get supper for me and a stranger I have brought home along with me, and be quick, for I ^ vow I'll be master in my own house. She moaned like a dog hit with a stone, half whine half yelp ; dear, dear, says she, if I aint all covered over with welts as big as ray flnger, I do believe I'm flayed ( alive ; and she boohood right out like any thing. I guess, said I, "^ you've got 'em where folks won't see 'em, any how, and I calculate you TAMING A SHREW. Vt mdin you s I, Leave 1, and see } sweet as iece off to rly out of in, Sanbf ings you'll says she, J nor your >ther tack, 3U old un- door this Yf it made calHn her dog comes lie door as he fetched that made I she, you u with my her with ihe roared meaning to strike our lawful ike a colt plungin g pardon, s sake — ir, I'll do ir I do- brought jnt every I, Take like old me and a ck, for I a dog hit I aint all m flayed said I, late you Won't beoverforrard to show'em where they be. But come, says I, be a stirrin, or I'll quilt you agin as sure as you're alive — I'll tan your hide for you, you may depend, you old ungainly tempered hel'w you. - ^ When I went to the barn, says I, John Porter, your wife madd right at me, like one ravin distracted mad when 1 opened the door^ thinkin it was you ; and I was obliged to give her a crack or two of the cowskin to get clear of her. It has efliectuated a cure completely ; now foller it up, and don't let on for your life, it warn't you that did it, and you'll be master once more in your own house. She's all docity jist now, keep her so. As we returned we saw a light in the keepin room,.the fire was blazin up cheerfulsome, and Marm Portet moved about as brisk as a parched pea, though as silent as dumb, and our supper was ready in no time. As soon as she took her seat and sot down, she sprung right up on ccnd, is if she sot on a pan of hot coals, and coloured all over ; and then tears started in her eyes. Thinks I to myself, I calculate I wrote that are lesson in large letters any how, I can read that writin without spellin, and no mistake; I guess you've got pretty well warmed thereabouts this hitch. Then she tried it agin, first she sot on one leg, then on tother, quite oneasy, and then right atwixt both, a fidgettin about dreadfully ; like a man that's rode all day on a bad saddle, and lost a little leather on the way. If you had seed how she stared at Porter, it would have made you snicker. She couldn't credit her eyes. He warn't drunk, and he warn't crazy, but there he sot as peeked and as meechin as you please. She seemed all struck up of a heap at his rebellion c The next day when I was about startin, I advised him to act like a man, and keep the weather gage now he had it and all would be well : but the poor critter only held on a day or two, she soon got the upper hand of him, and made him confess all, and by all accounts he leads a worse life now than ever. I put that are trick on him jist now to try him, and I see its gone goose with him; the jig is up with him, she'll soon call him with a whistle like a dog. I often think of the hornpipe she danced there in the dark along with mo, to the music of my whip— she touched it off in great style, that's a fact. I shall mind that go one while, I promise you. It was actilly equal to a play at old Bowry. You may depend, Squire, the only way to tame a shrew, is by the cowskin. Grandfather Slick was raised all along the coast of Kent in Old England, and he used to say there was an old saying there, which, I expect, is not far off the mark: ' A woman, a ioe, and a walnut tree, The more yon lick 'em the better they be.' ;,• ^ At, J. h 08 THE CLOCKMAKER. CHAPTER XXVI. THE MINISTER S HORN Ml'G. I Tins Country, said Mr. Slick, abounds in superior mill privilcgcat^ and one would naterally calculate that such a sight of water power^ would have led to a knowledge of machinery. I guess if a blue nose was to go to one of our free and enlightened citizens, and tell him Nova Scotia was intersected with rivers and brooks in all directions, and nearly one quarter of it covered with water, he'd say, well, I'll start right off and see it, I vow, for I guess I'll larn somethin. I allot I'll get another wrinkle away down east there. With such splendid chances forexperimentin, what first-chop mills they must have to a sartainty. I'll see such new combinations, and such new applications of the force of water to motion, that I'll make my fortin, for we can improve on any thing amost. Well, he'd find his mistake out I guess, as I did once, when I took passage in the night at New York for Providence, and found myself the next morning clean out to sea, steerin away for Cape Hatteras, in the Charleston steamer. He'd find he'd gone to the wrong place I reckon ; there aint a mill of any kind in the Province fit to be seen. If we had 'em, we'd sarve em as we do the gamblin houses down south, pull 'em right down, there wouldn't be one on 'em left in eight and forty hours. Some domestic factories they ought to have here ; it's an essen- tial part of the social system. Now we've run to the other extreme, its got to be too big an interest with us, and aint suited to the politiacl institutions of our great country. Natur designed us for an agricultural people, and our government was predicated on the supposition that we would be so. Mr. Hopewell was of the same opinion. He was a great hand at gardenin, orchadin, farmin, and what not. One evening I was up to his house, and says he, Sam, what do you say to a bottle of my old genuine cider, I guess I got some that will take the shine off of your father's, by a long chalk, much as the old gentleman brags of his'n — I never bring it out afore him. He thinks he has the best in all Connecticut. It's an innocent ambition that ; and Sam, it would bo but a poor thing for me to gratify my pride, at the expense of humblin liis'n. So I never lets on that I have any better, but keep dark about this superfine particular article of mine, for I'd as lives he'd think 80 as not. He was a real primitive good man was minister. I got some, said he, that was bottled that very year that glorious action was fought atween the Constitution and the Guerri^re. Perhaps the whole world couldn't show such a brillant whippin as that was. It was a splendid deed, that's a fact. The British can whip the whole rilE MINISTER'S HORN MLG. U9 irivilcgeat^ jr power, blue nose him Nova ions, and I'll start [ allot I'll splendid have to a plications )r we can ke out I ew York ut to soa^ T. He'd ill of any sarve em vn, there n essen- extreme, politiaci icultural that we s a great ng I was le of my le off of brags of best in i^ould bo lumblia k about d think I got action aps the as. It whole // airth, and we can whip the British. It was a bright promise for our young eagle, a noble bird that, too; great strength, great courage, and surpassing sagacity. Well, he went down to the cellar, and brought up a bottle, with a stick tied to its neck, and day and date to it, like the lye-bills on the trees in Squire Hendrick's garden. I like to see them are t cobwebs, says he, as he brushed 'em off, they are like grey hairs in an old man's head, they indicate venerable old age. As he un- corked it, says he, I guess, Sam, this will warm your gizzard, my boy : I guess our great nation may be slumped to produce more elc- ganter liquor than this here. It's the dandy, that's a fact. That, said he, a smackin his lips, and lookin at its sparklin top, and layin back his head, and tippin offa horn mug brim full of it — that, said he— ./jiii,^ and his eyes twinkled agin, for it was plagy strong — that is the pro- duce of my own orchard. Well, I said, minister, says I, I never see you a swiggin it out of that are horn mug, that I dont think of one of your texts. What's that, Sam? says he — for you always had a most special memory when you was a boy ; why, says I, ' that the horn of the righteous man shall be exalted,' I guess that's what they mean by 'exalten the horn,' aint it? Lord if ever you ■ -.s to New Orleens, and seed a black thunder cloud rise right up and cover the whoie sky in a minit, you'd a thought of it if you had seed his face. It looked as dark as Egypt. For shame, says he, Sam, that's on- decent; and let me tell you that a man that jokes on such subjects, shews both a lack of wit and sense too. I like mirth, you know I do, for it's only the Pharisees and hypocrites that wear long faces, but then mirth must be innocent to please me ; and when I see a maii make merry with serious things, I set him down as a lost sheep. That comes of your speculatin to Lowell; and, I vow, them factorin towns will corrupt our youth of both sexes, and become hotbeds of iniquity. Evil communications endamnify good manners, as sure as rates ; one scabby sheep will infect a whole flock — vice is as catchin as that nasty disease the Scotch have, it's got by shakin hands, and both eend in the same way in brimstone. I approbate domestic fac- tories, but nothin further for us. It don't suit us or our institutions. A republic is only calculated for an enlightened and vartuous people, and folks chiefly in the farmin line. That is an innocentand a happy vocation. Agriculture was ordained by Him that made us, for our chief occupation. Thinks I, here's a pretty how do you do ; I'm in for it now, that's a fact; he'll jist fall to and read a regular sarmon, and he knows so many by heart he'll never stop. It would take a Philadelphia lawyer to answer him. So, says I, Minister, I ax your pardon, I feel very ugly at havin given you offence, but I didn't mean it, I do assure you. Itjistpogt out unexpectedly, like a cork out of one of them /' )j 100 THE CLOCKMAKER. are cider bottles. Fll do my possibles that the like don't happen agin / you may depend ; so 'spose wo drink a glass to our reconciliatior . That I will, said ho, and we will have another bottle too, but I mui t put a little water into my t/lass (and he dwelt on that word, and looked at me quite feelin, as much as to say, don't for goodness sake make use of that are word horn agin, for it's a joke I don't like), for my head hanto quite the strength my cider has. Taste this, Sam, said he (opcnin of another bottle) , it's of the same age as the last, but made of different apples, and I am fairly stumped sometimes to say which is best. These are the pleasures, says he, of a country life. A man'sown ,i labour provides him with food, and an appetite to enjoy it. Let him look which way he will, and he sees the goodness and bounty of his Creator, his wisdom, his power, and his majesty. There never was any thing so true, as that are old sayin, ' man made the town, hut God made the country,' and both bespeak their ditTerent archi- tects in terms too plain to be misunderstood. The one is filled with virtue and the other with vice. One is the abode of plenty, and the , other of want; one is a ware-duck of nice pure water — and t'other />! >.- ■•■ ' one a cess-pool. Our towns are gettin so commercial and factoring, that they will soon generate mobs, Sam (how true that are has turned out, hain't it? He could see near about as far into a mill- stone, as them that picks the hole into it), and mobs will introduce disobedience and deGance to laws, and that must eend in anarchy and bloodshed. No, said the old man, raising his voice, and giving the table a wipe with his fist that made the glasses all jingle agin, give me the country ; that country to which he that made it said, •* Bring forth grass, the herb yieldin seed, and the tree yieldin fruit," and wJio saw tJiat it was good. Let me jine with the feathered tribe in the mornin (I hope you get up airly now, Sam; when you was a ])oy there no gittin you out of bed at no rate), and at sunset in the hymns which they utter in full tide of song to their Creator. Let me pour out the thankfulness of my heart to the Giver of all good things, for the numerous blessings I enjoy, and intreat him to bless my increase, that I may hav? wherewhithal to relieve the wants of others, as he prevents and relieves mine. No I give me the country. Its Minister was jist like a horse that has the spavin : he sot off considerable stiff at first, but when he once got under way, he got on like a house a fire. He went like the wind, full split. He was jist beginnin to warm on the subject, and I knew if he did, what wonderful bottom he had; he would hang oh for ever amost ; so, says I, I think so too minister, I like the country, I al- ways sleep better there than in towns : it tante so plaguy hot, nor s& noisy neither, and then it's a pleasant thing to set out on the stoop und smoke in the cool, ain't it? I think, says I, too. Minister that THE MINISTER'S HORN MUG. 101 Are uncommon handsum cider of your'n desarves a pipe, what do you think? Well, says he, I think myself a pipe would' nt be amiss, and I got some rael good Yarginy, as you een amost ever seed, a present from Rowland Randolph, an old college chum ; and none the worse to my palate, Sam, for bringin bye-gone recollections with it. Phoebe, my dear, said he to his darter, bring the pipes and tobacco. As soon as the old gentleman fairly got a pipe in his mouth, I give Phoebe a wink, as much as to say, warn't that well done. That's what I call a most particular handsum fix. He can talk now (and that / do like to hear him do), but he can't make a speech, or preach a sarmon, and that / don't like to hear him do, except on Sabbath day, or up to Town UaH, on oration times. Minister was an uncommon pleasant man (for there was nothin amost he didn't know), except when he got his dander up, and then he did spin out his yarns for cverlastinly. But I'm of his opinion. If the folks here want their country to go ahead, they must honour the plough, and General Campbell ought to hammer that are into their noddles, full chisel, as hard as he can drive. I could larn hin somethin, I guess, about hammerin he ain't up to. It tante every one that knows how to beat a thing into a man's head. How could I have sold so many thousand clocks, if I had'nt had that nack. Why, I wouldn't have sold half a dozen, you may depend. Agricultur is not only neglected but degraded here. What a number of young folks there seem to be in these parts, a ridin about, titivated out real jam, in their go-to-mectin clothes, a doin nolhin. ;: It's melancholy to think on it. That's the elToct of the last war." The idleness and extravagance of those times took root, and bore fruit abundantly, and now the young people are above their business. They are too high in the instep, that's a fact. Old Drivvle, down here to Maccan, said to mc one day, For gra- cious sake, says he, Mr. Slick, do tell me what I shall do with Johnny. His mother sets great store by him, and thinks he's the makins of a considerable smart man — he's growin up fast now, and I am pretty well to do in the world, and reasonable forehanded, but I don't know what the dogs to put him to. The Lawyers are like spiders, they've eat up all the flies, and I guess they'll have to eat each other soon, for there's more on 'em than causes now every court. The Doctor's trade is a poor one, too, they don't get barely cash ennugh to pay for their medicines; I never seed a country prac- titioner yet that made any thing worth spcakin of. Then, as for preachin, why church and dissenters are pretty much tarred with the same stick, they live in the same pastur with their flocks ; and, between 'em, its fed down pretty close, I tell you. What would you advise me to do with him? Well, says I, I'll tell you if you ^ « f — >' I;;. 102 hn^ >.n'' THE CLOCKMAKER. •^.' » •c^J ^. t..*> .< I won't bo mifTy wit)i m(>. Mi(Ty with you, indoed, said lio, I guestf I'll bo very much obliged to you ; it tante every day one gets a chance to consult with a person of your experience — I count it quite a pri-> vilcge to have the opinion of such an undcrstandin man as you be. Well, says 1, take a stick and give him a rael good quiltin, jist tantune him like blazes, and sot him to work. — What does tho critter want? you have a good farm for him, let him go and airn his l)read ; and when he can raise that, let him get a wife to make butter for it; and when he has more of both than he wants, let him sell 'em and lay up his money, and ho will soon have his bread buttered on both sides — put him to, eh! why put him to the Ploigu, tlui most nateral, tJu most happy, tlie most innocent ^ and the most healthy emphynwnt in tlw world. But, said the old man (and ho did not look over half-pleased) , markets are so confounded dull, labour so high, and the banks and great folks a swallerin all up so, there don't seem much encouragement for farmers, its hard rubbin, now- a-days, to live by tho plough — he'll be a hard workin poor man all his days. Oh I says I, if he wants to get rich by farmin, he can do that too. Let him sell his whect and eal his oatmeal and rye ; send ' his beef, mutton, and poultry to market, and eat his pork and pota- toes, make his own cloth, weave his own linen, and keep out of shops, .ind he'll soon grow rich — there arc more fortins got by savin than hy makin, I guess, a plaguy sight — he can't eat his cake and have /it too, that's a fact. ^-Vo, make a farmer of him, and you will liace the satisfaction of seeing him an honest, an independent, afid a respectable member of society — more honest than traders, more in- j^pendent tlian professional men, and more respectable than eitJwr. Ahem I says Marm Drivvlc, and she began to clear her throat for action: she slumped down her nittin, and clawed olTher spectacles, and looked right straight at me, so as to take good aim. I seo'd a regular norwester a bruin, I knew it would bust somewhere sartan, and make all smoke agin: so I cleared out and left old Drivvle to stand the squall. I conceit he must have had a tempestical time of it, for she had got her Ebenezer up, and looked like a proper sneezer. Make her Johnny a farmer, eh 1 I guess that was too much for the like o' her to stomach. Pride, Squire, continued the Clockmaker (with such an air of concern, that, I verily believe, the man feels an interest in the welfare of a Province, in which he has spent so long a time) , Pride, ^(juire, and a false pride too, is tJic ruin of this country. I hope I ^jpatj he skinned if it tante. I guestf 1 chance te a pri- you be. Itin, jist Joes the I aim his le butter him sell buttered iGU, tlte 'he most I (and ho II, labour JO, there in, now- ' man all c can do ye ; send i nd pota- of shops, vin than ind have will liace and a more in- n eitlier, iroat for lectacles, I seo'd a e sartan, rivvle to [1 time of sneezer, h for the m air of st in the , Pride, Iho])e I THB WHITE NIGGEll. 103 CHAPTER XXVII. ' TUE WHITE IflGGER. One of the most amiable, and at the same time most amusing, traits HI the Clockmaker's character, was the attachment and kindness with which he regarded his horse. He considered ' Old Clay' as far above a Provincial horse, as he did one of his ' free and enlightened citizens' superior to a blue-nose. He treated him as a travelling companion, and when conversation flagged between us, would often soliloquise to him, a habit contracted from pursuing his journeys alone. Well now, he would say, "Old Clay, I guess you took your time agoin up that are hill— s'pjise we progress now. Go along, you old gculpin, and turn out your toes. I reckon you are as defl* as a-V"/"' />..;Shad, do you hear there, ' go ahead, Old Clay.' There now, he'd say, Squire, aint that dreadful pretty ? There's action. That looks about right — legs all under him— gathers all up snug — no bobbin of his head — no rollin of his shoulders— no wabblin of his hind parts, but steady as a pump bolt, and the motion all underneath. When he {airly lays himself to it, he trots hke all vengeance. Then look at his ears, jist like rabbits, non o' your flop ears, like them Amherst beasts, half horses, half pigs, but strait up and pineted, and not too Dear at the tips ; for that are, I concait, always shews a horse aint true to draw. There are only two things^ Squire^ worth lookin at in ahorse, action and soundness, for I never saw a critter that had good action that was a had beast. Old Clay puts me in mind of one of our free and enlightened <— Excuse me, said I, Mr. Slick, but really you appropriate that word *free' to your countrymen, as if you thought no other people in- the world were entitled to it but yourselves. Neither be they, said he. We first sot the example. Look at our declaration of independence. It was writ by Jeflerson, and he was the first man of the age; per- haps the world never seed his ditto. It's a beautiful peace of pen- manship that, he gave the Bril.^h the butt eend of his mind there. I calculate you couldn't fait it in no particular, it's generally allowed to be his cap shief. In the first page of it, second section, and first varse, are these words, ' We hold this truth to bo self-evident, that all men are created equal.' I guess King George turned his quid when he read that. It was somethin to chaw on, he hadn't been used to the flavour of, I reckon. Jeflerson forgot to insert one little word, said I, he should have said\ ' all white men;' for, as it now stands, it is a practical untruth, in a country which tolerates domestic slavery in its worst and most foi/ >)'»w. 104 THE CLOCKMAKBR. / t\ UiSil bidding form. It is a declaration of shame, and not of indepe»dence^_ It is as perfect a misnomer as ever I knew. Well, said he, I must CjOATt/^ admit there is a screw loose somewhere thereabouts, and I wish it would convene to Congress, to do somethin or another about our nig- gers, but I am not quite certified how that is (o be sot to rights. — I concait that you don't understand us. But, said he (evading the subject with his usual dexterity), we deal only in niggers, — and those thick-skulled, crooked-shanked, flat-footed, long-heeled, woolly-head- ed gentlemen, don't seem fit for much else but slavery, I do sup- pose ; they aint fit to contrive for themselves. They are jist like grasshoppers; they dance, and sing all summer, and when winter ! comes they have nothin provided for it, and lay down and die. ^ They require some one to see arter them. Now, we deal in black niggers only, but the blue-noses sell their own species — they trade in white slaves. Thank God, said I, slavery does not exist in any part of his Majesty's dominions now, we have at least wiped ofTthat national stain. Not quite, I guess, said he, with an air of triumph, it tante done within Nova Scotia, for I have see'd these human cattle sales with my own eyes — I was availed of the truth of it up here to old Furlong's, last November. I'll tell you the story, said he ; and as this story of the Clock- maker's contained some extraordinary statements, which I had never heard of before, I noted it in my journal, for the purpose of ascer- taining their truth ; and, if founded on fact, of laying them before the proper authorities. Last fall, said he, I was on my way to Partridge Island, to ship off (^ev-cv' some truck and ipvoduce I had iaike.n in, in the way of trade; and as I neared old Furlong's house, I seed an amazin crowd of folks about the door ; I said to niyself, says I, who's dead, and what's to pay now —what on airth is the meanin of all this? Is it a vandew, or a weddin, or a roUin frolic, or a religious stir, or what is it? Thinks I, I'll see— so I hitchesold Clay to the fence, and walks in. It was some time afore I was able to £sviggle my way thro' the crowd, and get into the house. And when I did, who should I see but Deacon Westfall, a smooth-faced, slick-haired, meechin-lookin chap as you'd see in a hundred, a standin on a stool, iwith an auctioneer's hammer in his hand ; and afore him was one Jerry Oaks and his wife, and two little orphan children, the prettiest little tQAds I ever beheld in all my born days. Gentlemen, said he, I will begin the sale by putting up Jerry Oaks, of Apple River, he's a considerable of a smart man yet, and can do many little chores besides feedin the children and pigs, I guess he's near about worth his keep. Will you warrant him sound, wind and limb? says a tall, ragged lookin coun- ^ hp^ti' ^ tryman, for he looks to me as if he was Joundcred in both feet, and I had a string halt into the bargain. When you are as old as I be, I says Jerry, mayhap you may be foundered too, young man ; I hava H. THE WHITE NIQOER. 105 seen the day when you wouldn't dare to pass that joke on me, big as you be. Will any gentleman bid for him, says the deacon, he's cheap at 7*. 6d. Why deacon, said Jerry, why surely your honour isn't agoin for to sell me separate from my poor old wife, are you? Fifty years have we lived together as man and wife, and a good wife has she been to me, through all my troubles and trials, and God knows I have had enough of e'm. No one knows my ways and my ailments but her, and who can tend me so kind, or who will bear with the complaints of a poor old man but his wife. Do, deacon, and Heaven bless you for it, and yours, do sell us together ; we have but a few days to live now, death will divide us soon enough. Leave her to close my old eyes, when the struggle comes, and when it comes to you, deacon, as come it must to us all, may this good deed rise up for you, as a memorial before God. I wish it had pleased him to have taken us afore it came to this, but his will be done; and he hung his head, as if he felt he had drained the cup of degradation to its dregs. Can't afford it, Jerry— 'can't afford it, old man, said the deacon (with such a smile as a November sun gives, a passin atween clouds). Last year they took oats for rates, now nothin but wheat will go down, and that's as good as cash, and you'll hang on, as most of you do, yet these many years. There's old Joe Crowe, I believe in my conscience he will live for ever. The biddin then went on, and he was sold for six shillings a week. Well, the poor critter gave one long, loud, deep groan, and then folded his arms over his breast so tight that he seemed try in to keep in his heart from bustin. I pitied the misfortunate wretch from my soul, I don't know as I ever felt so streaked afore. Not so his wife, she was all tongue. She begged and prayed, and cryed, and scolded, and talked at the very tip eend of her voice, till she became, poor critter, exhausted, and went offin a faintin fit, and they ketched her up and carried her out to the air, and she was sold in that condition. Well, I couldn't make head or tail of all this, I could hardly be- lieve my eyes and ears ; so says I to John Porter (him that has that catamount of a wife, that I had such a touss with), John Porter, says I, who ever see'd or heer'd tell of the like of this, what under the sun does it all mean ? What has that are critter done that ha should be sold arter that fashion ? Done, said he, why nothin, and that's the reason they sell him. This is town-meetin day, and we. always sell the poor for the year to the lowest bidder. Them that will keep them for the lowest sum, gets them. Why, says 1, that feller that bought him is a pauper himself, to my sartin knowledge. If you were to take him up by the heels and shake him for a week, you couldn't shake sixpence out of him. How can he keep him ? it appears to me the poor buy the poor here, and that they all starve together. Says I, there was a very good man once lived to Liverpool, so good, HNV THE CLOCKMAKBR. 1' I he said ho had'nt sinned for seven years; well, he put a mill-dam across the river, and stopt all the fish from going up, and the court, lined him fifty pounds for it, and this good man was so wrathy, ho thought he should feel better to swear a little, but conscience told him it was wicked. So he compounded with conscience, and cheated the devil, by callin it a * dam fine business.' Now, friend Porter, if this is your poor-law, it is a damn poor law, I tell you, and no good can come of such hard-hearted doins. It's no wonder your country don't prosper, for who ever heor'd of a blessin on such carryins on as this ? Says I, Did you ever hear tell of a sartain rich man, that had a beggar called Lazarus laid at his gate, and how the dogs had more compassion than he had, and came and licked his sores ; cause if you have, look at that forehanded and sponsible man there. Deacon Westfall, and you see the rich man. And then look at that are pauper, dragged away in that ox-cart from his wife for ever, like a feller to States' Prison, and you see Lazarus. Recollect what fol- lered, John Porter, and have neither art nor part in it, as you are a Christian man. It fairly made me sick all day, John Porter foUered me out of the house, and as I was a turnin Old Clay, said he, Mr. Slick, says ho, as I never see'd it in that are tight afore, for it's our custom, and custom, you know, will reconcile one to most anything. I must say, it does appear, as you lay it out, an unfeelin way of providin for the poor ; hut, as touchin the matter of dividin man and wife, why (and ho peered all round to see that no one was within hearin], why, I dont know, but if it was my allotment to be sold, I'd as lives they'd seli me separate from Jane as not, for it appears to me it's about the best p^t ofit. Now, what I have told you. Squire, said the Clockmaker, is the truth; and if members, instead of their everlastin politics, would only look into these matters a little, I guess it would be far better for the country. So, as for our declaration of independence, I guess you needn't J^tt me with our slave-sales, for we deal only in blacks ; but blue-nose approbates no distinction in colours, and when reduced to poverty, is reduced to slavery, and is sold a White J^llgger, CHAPTER XXVIII. FIRE IN THE DAIRY, r ^f-i As we approached within fifteen or twenty miles of Pairsboro', a sudden turn of the road brought us direct in front of a large wooden house, consisting of two stories and an immense roof, the Ueighth ol FIRE IN THE DAIRV. lOT .-A..« •IS : a X.. ^hioh ediflco was much increased by a stono foundation, rising 8c~ vcral feet above ground. Now, did yon over see, said Mr. Slick, such a catamaran as that; there's a proper goney for you, for to go and raise such a buildin as that are, and ho has as much use for it, 1 do suppose, as my old waggon here has for a fifth wheel. Blue- nose always takes keer to have a big house, cause it shows a big man, and one that's considerable forehanded, and pretty well to do in the world. These Nova Scotians turn up their blue-noses, as a bottle nose porpoise turns up bis snout, and puiTand snort exactly like him at a small house. If neighbour Carrit has a two story house, all filled with winders, like Sandy Uook lighthouse, neighbour Parsnip must add jist two feet more on to the post of hisn, and about as much more to the rafter, to go ahead of him ; so all these long sarce gentlemen strive who can get the furdest in the sky, away from their farms. In New England our maxim is a small house, and amost an everlastin almighty big barn ; but these critters revarse it, they have little hovels for their cattle, about the bigness of a good sizeable bear trap, and a house for the humans as grand as Noah's Ark. Well, jist look at it and see what a figur it does cut. An old hat stnfTed ,into one panejof_glass, and an old flannel petticoat, as yaller as joun-i 'CUice, in another, finish off the front; an old pair of breeches, and / the pad of a bran new cart-saddle worn out, titivate the eend, while the backside is all closed up on account of the wind, i When it rains, if there aint a pretty how-do-you-do, its a pity — beds toated out of this room, and tubs set in tother to catch soft water to wash ; while L the clapboards, loose at the eends, go clap, clap, clap, like galls a hacklin flax, and the winders and doors keep a dancin to the music. The only dry place in the house Is in the chimbley corner, where the folks all huddle up, as an old hen and her chickens do under a cart of a wet day. I wish I had the matter of half a dozen pound of nails (you'll hear the old gentleman in the grand house say), I'll he darned if I don't, for if I had, I'd fix them are clapboards, I guess they'll go for it some o' these days. I wish you had, his wife would say, for they do make a most particular unhansuiR clatter, that's a fact ; and so they let it be till tlio next tempestical time comes, and then they wish agin. Now this grand house has only two rooms down stairs, that are altogether slicked up and finished ofl" complete, the other is jist petitioned oil rough like, one half great dark entries, and tother half places that look a plaguy sight more like packin boxes than rooms. Well, all up stairs is a great onfarnished place, filled with every sort of good for nothin trumpery in natur — barrels with — ^>"^, out eends — corn cobs half husked — cast off clothes and bits of old^ /;t^tf .• harness, sheep skins, hides, and wool, apples, one half rotten, and ^ / tother half sqnajhod — a thousand or two of shingles that have bust their withs, and broke loose all over the floor, hay rakes, forks, and 1 IM THE CLOCKMAKER. // /y.'V IJJ-- sickles, without handles or teeth ; rusty scythes, and odds and oends without number. When any thing is wanted, then there is a ge- tV/.c^- neral overliaul of the whole cargo, and away they get 8l)irted forrard, one by one, all handled over and chucked into a heap together till the lost one is found; and the next time, away they get pitched to the starn agin, higglety pigglety, heels over head, like sheep taken a split for it over a wall ; only they increase in number each move, cause some on 'em are sure to got broke into more pieces than they was afore. Whenever I see one of these grand houses, and a hat lookin out o' the winder with nary head in it, thinks I, I'll bo darned if that's a place for a wooden clock, nothin short of a London touch would go down with them folks, so I calculate I wont alight. Whenever you come to such a grand place as this, Squire, depend on't the farm is all of a piece, great crops of thistles, and an cver- lastin yield of weeds, and cattle the best fed of any in the country, .'for they are always in the grain fields or mowin lands, and the pigs a rootin in the potatoe patches. A fipicjind spaD new gig at the door, shinin like the mud banks of Windsor, when the sun's on 'em, and an old wrack of a hay waggin, with its tongue onhitched, and stickin out behind, like a pig's tail, all indicate a big man. He's above thinkin of farmin tools, he sees to the bran new gig, and the hired helps look arter the carts. Catch him with his go-to-meetin clothes , on, a rubbin agin their nasty greasy axles, like a tarry nigger ; not he, indeed, he'd stick you up with it. The last time 1 came by here, it was a little bit arter day light down, rainin cats and dogs, and as dark as Egypt ; so, thinks I, I'll jist turn in here for shelter to Squire Bill Blake's. Well, I knocks . away at the front door, till I thought I'd a split it in ; but arter a \<^ rappin awhile to no purpose, and findin no one come, I gro])es my/i way round to the back door, and opens it, and fcelin all along the par-) tition for the latch of the keepin room, without finding it, I knocks agin, when some one from inside calls out ' walk.' Thinks I, I don't cleverly know whether that indicates ' walk in,' or * walk out,' its plaguy short metre, that's a fact ; but I'll see any how. Well, arter gropin about awhile, at last I got hold of the string and lifted the latch and walked in, and there sot old Marm Blake, close into one corner of i^^ft.'/.v the chimbley fire-place, asfie::sawin in arockin chair, and a half grown black house-help, half asleep in tother corner, a scroudgin up over the embers. Who be you, said Marm Blake, for I can't see you. A stranger, said I. Beck, says she, spcakin to the black heifer in the corner. Beck, says she, agin, raisin her voice, I believe you arc as def as a post, get up this minit and stir the coals, till I sec the man. Arter the coals were stirred into a blaze, the old lady sur- veyed me from head to foot, then she axed me my name, and where I came from, where I was agoin, and what ray business was. 1 guess,, i» I u s t p c I 1 /. FIltE IN THE DAIRY. 100 id oend« s a gc- torrard, ther till died to taken a move, III tlioy J a hat ril be liondon alight, depend I ev«r- iintry, 10 pigs e door, n, and itickin above hired lothcs r : not light ,rii nocks ter a par- ocks on't its irter atch r of 3wn )ver ^ou. r in are the jr- ero SSy said she, you must bo reasonable wot, sit to the fire, and dry yourself, or mayhap your health may be endamnificd pr'aps. So I sot down, and we soon got pretty considerably well acquainted, and quite sociable like, and her tongue, when it fairly waked up, be- gan to run like a mill race when the gate's up. I hadn't been talkin long, 'fore I well nigh lost sight of her altogether agin, for little Beck , began to flourish about her bioom, right and left, in great style, a J (ir^^ clearin up, and she did raise such an auful thick cloud o' dust, I didn't ' know if I should ever see or breatho cither agin. Well, when all was so to rights and the fire made up, the old lady began to apologise for having no candles ; she said she'd had a grand tea party the night afore, and used them all up, and a whole sight of vittals too, the old man hadn't br^en well since, and had gone to bed airly. But, says she, I do wish with all my heart you had a come last night, for we had a most a special supper- ■> .inkin pies and dough nuts, and apple fiarco, and a roast goose stuflca with Indian puddin, and a pig's har- slet stewed in molasses and onions, and I don't know what all, and the fore part of to-day folks called to finish. I actilly have nothin left to set afore you ; for it was none o' your skim-milk parties, but superfine uppercrust real jam, and we made clean work of it. But I'll make somo tea, any how, for you, and perhaps, after that, said she, alterin of her tone, perhaps you'll expound the Scriptures, for it's one while since I've heerd them laid open powerfully. I han't been fairly lifted up since that good man Judas Oglethorp travelled this road, and then she gave a groan and hung down her head, and looked corner-ways, to see how the land lay thereabouts. The tea-kettle was accordingly put on, and some lard fried into oil, and poured into a tumbler ; which with the aid of an inch of cotton-wick, served as a make shift for a candle. Woll, arter tea, we sot and chatted awhile about fashions, and markets, and sarmons, and scandal, and all sorts o' things, and, in the midst of it, in runs the nigger wench, screemin out at the tip eend of her voice, oh Missus! Missus I there's fire in the Dairy, fire in the Dairy ! I'll give it to you for that, said the old lady, I'll give it to you for that, you good for nothin hussy, that's all your carelessness, go and put it out this minit, how on airth did it get there ? my night milk's gone, I dare say ; run this minit and put it out and save the milk. I am dreadful afeard of fire, I always was from a boy, and seein the poor foolish critter seize a broom in her fright, I ups with the tea-kettle and follows her ; and away we dipt thro' the entry, she callin out, mind the cellair door on the right, take kear of the close horse on the left, and so on, but as I couldn't see nothin, I kept right straight ahead. At last my foot kotched in somethin or another, that pitched me somewhat less than a rod or so, right agin the poor black crittor, and away we went heels over head. I hecr'd a splash and lie THE CLOCKMAKER. J- l,t#'k~> a groan, and I snricit somclhin plaguy sour, Imt couldn't see nothin ; at last 1 got hold of her and lifted her up, for she didn't scream, but made a strange kind of choakin noise, and by this time up came Marm Blake with a light. If poor Beck didn't let go then in airnest, and sing out, for dear life, it's a pity, for she had gone head first into the swill Jub, and the tea kettle had scalded her feet. She kept a dancin right up and down, like one ravin distracted mad, and boohood like any thing, clawin away at her head the whole time, to clear away the stuff that stuck to her wool. I held in a long as I could, till I thought I should have busted, for no soul could help a larfin, and at last I haw hawed right out. You good for nothin stupid slut you, said the old lady, to poor Beck, it sarves you right, you had no business to leave it thorc — I'll pay yog. But, said I, interfcrin for the unfortunate critter. Good gracious, Marm? you forget the fire. No, I don't, said she, I see him; and seesin the broom that had fallen from the nigger's hand, she ex- claimed, I see him, the nasty varmint, and began to belabor most onmarcifuUy a poor half starved cur that the noise had attracted to the entry. I'll teach you, said she, to drink milk; I'll lam you to steal inlo the dairy ; and the besot critter joined chorus with ^ , , , Beck, and they both yelled together, till they fairly made the house • '^* ' " ' ring agin. Presently old Squire Blake popt his head out ofadoor, and rabbin his eyes half asleep and half awake, said. What the devil's to pay now, w'fe? Why nothin, says she, only, 'Jire's in tlie dairt/,' and Beck's in the swill tub, that's all. Well, don't make such a touss, then, said he, if that's all, and he shot tu the door and went to bed agin. When we returned to the keepin room, the old lady told me that they always had had a dog called ^Fircy ever since her grandfather. Major Donald Eraser's time, and what was very odd says she, every one on' em would drink milk if he had a chance. By this time the shower was over, and the moon shinin so bright and clear that I thought I'd better be up and stirrin, and arterjslippin a few cents into the poor nigger wench's hand, I took leave of the grand folks in the big house. Now, Squire, among these middlin sized farmers you may lay this down ..s a rule — The higgcr tlie house the higger the fools he that's in it. But, howsomever, I never call to mind that are go in the big house, up to the right, that I don't snicker when I think of * Fire in tlie dairy.* ^>»-t.V^-'' i c nothin ; ream, but I me Marm rnest, and st into the t a dancin ohood like • away the busted, for out. You )r Beck, it II pay you. I gracious, him; and 3, she ex- labor most ittracted to larn you lorus with the house t of a door, the devil's tJie dairy y \& such a and went lady told since her very odd, lance. • so bright erjslippin ave of the le middlin iggcr ilw In the big f * Fire in A BODY WITHOUT A HEAD. Ill CHAPTER XXIX. A BODY WITHOUT A HEAD. T ALLOT you had ought to visit our great country, Squire, said the Clockmaker, afore you quit for good and all. I calculate you don't understand us. The most splendid location 'atween the Poles is the United States, and the first man alive is Gineral Jackson, the hero of the age, him that's skeered the British out of their seven senses. Then there's the great Daniel Webster, it's generally al- lowed, he's the greatest orator on the face of the airth, by a long chalk, and Mr. Van Buren, and Mr. Clay, and Amos Kindle, and Judge White, and a whole raft of statesmen, up to everything, and all manner of pontics ; there ain't the beat of 'em, to be found any where. If you was to hear 'em, 1 concait you'd hear genuine pure English for once, any how ; for it's generally allowed we speak Eng- lish better than the British. They all know me to be an American citizen here, by my talk, for we speak it complete in New England. Yes, if you want to see a free people — them that makes their own taws, accordin to their own notions — go to the States. Indeed, if you can fait them at all, they are a little grain too free. Our folks have their hdad a trifle too much, sometimes, particularly in Elections, both in freedom of speech and freedom of press. One hadn't ought to Jjlart right out always all that comes uppermost. A horse that's too free frets himself and his rider too, and both on.f-''-'^''f'*'j f'em lose flesh in the long run. I'd e'en amost as lives use the whip- «*>'»^ >^^^'^ "/''"*» "sometimes, as to be for everlastinly a pullin at the rein. One's arm gets plaguy tired, that's a fact. I often think of a lesson I larnt Jehiel Quirk once, for let'en his tongue outrun his gooa man- ners. I was down to Rhode Island one summer to larn gilden and bronzin, so as to give the finishin touch to my clocks. Well, the folks elected me a hogreave, jist to poke fun at me, and Mr. Jehiel, /'/ • a bean pole of lawyer, was at the bottom of it. So one day, up to Town Hall, where there was an oration to be delivered on our In- dependence, jist afore the orator commenced, in runs Jehiel in a most allfired hurry ; and, says he, I wonder, says he, if there's aro a hogreave here, because if there be I require a turn of his office. And then, said he, a lookin up to me and calUn out at the tip cend of his voice, Mr. Hogreave Slick, said he, here's a job out hero for you. Folks snickered a good deal, and I felt my spupk a ri' jn like half flood, that's a fact; but I bit in my breath, and spoic quite cool. Possible, says I; well duty, I do suppose, mist he done often ends in angry discussion. How long he continued this train of speculation f do not know, but, judging by the different aspect of the country, I must have slept an hour. I was at length aroused by the report of his rifle, which he had discharged from the waggon. The last I recollected of his conver- sation was, I think, about American angels having no voice in the Government, an assertion that struck my drowsy faculties as not strictly true; as I had often heard that the American ladies talked frequently and warmly on the subject of politics, and knew that one of them had very recently the credit of breaking up General Jack" son's cabinet. — ^When I awoke, the first I heard was, well, I declare, if that ain't an amazin fine shot, too, considerin how the critter was a runnin the whole blessed time; if I han't cut her head off with a ball, jist below the throat, that's a fact. There's no mistake in a good Kentucky rifle, I tell you. Whose head ? said I, in great alarm, whose head, Mr. Slick? for heaven's sake what have you done? (for 1 had been dreaming of those angelic politicians, the American la- dies.) Why that are hen-partridge's head, to be sure, said ho ; don't you see how special wonderful wise it looks, a fluttcrin about artcr its head. True, said I, rubbing my eyes, and opening them in time to see the last muscular spasms of the decapitated body ; true, Mr. Slick, it is a happy illustration of our i)revious conversation — a body without a Jiead. CHAPTER XXX. A TALK OF BUNKER S HILL. Mr. Slick, like all his countrymen whom I have seen, felt that I his own existence was involved in that of the Constitution of the LUnited States, and that it was his duty to uphold it upon all occasions. He ailected to consider its government and its institutions as perfect, and if any doubt was suggested as to the stability or character of either, would make the common reply of all Americans, ' I guess you don't understand us,' or else enter into a laboured defence. When k TALE OF BUNKEK'S HILL. lib left, however, to the free expression of his own thoughts, he would often give utterance (o those apprehensions which most men feel in the event of an experiment not yet fairly tried, and which has in many parts evidently disappointed the sanguine hopes of its friendSi But, even on these occasions, when his vigilance seemed to slumber, he would generally cover them, by giving them, as the remarks o others, or concealing them in a taie. It was this habit that gave his discourse rather the appearance of thinking aloud than a connected conversation. We are a great nation, Squire, he said, that's sartain ; but I am afear'd we didn't altogether start right. It's in politics as in racin, every thing 'depends upon a fair start. If you are off too quick, you have to pull up and turn back agin, and your beast gets out of wind and is baffled, and if you lose in the start you han't got a fair chance arterwards, and are plaguy apt to be jockied in the course. When we set up housekeepin, as it were for ourselves, we hated our step- mother. Old England, so dreadful bad, we wouldn't foller any of her ways of managin at all, but made new receipts for ourselves. Well, we missed it in many things most consumedly, some how or another. Did you ever see, said he, a congregation split right in two by a quar- rel ? and one part go ofT and set up for themselves. I am sorry to say, said I, that I have seen* some melancholy instances of the kind. Well, they shoot ahead, or drop astern, as the case may be, but they soon get on another tack, and leave the old ship clean out of sight. When folks once take to emigratin in religion in this way, they never know where to bide. First they try one location, and then they try another; some settle here and some improve there, but they don't hitch their horses together long. Sometimes they complain they ham too little water, at other times that they have too much ; they are never satisfied, and, wherever these separatists go, they onsettle others as bad as themselves. / never look on a desarter asanygrea shakes. My poor father used to say, *Sam, mind what I tell you, if a man don't agree in all particulars with his church, and can't go the whole hog with 'em, he ain't justified on that account, no how, to se- parate from them, for Sam, * Schism is a sin in the eye of God.^ The whole Christian world, he would say, is divided into two great families, the Catholic and Protestant. Well, the Catholic is a united family, a happy family, and a strong family, all governed by one , ' head ; and Sam, as sure as eggs is eggs, that are family will grub out ^k ' /^"^ t'other one, stalk, branch, and root, it won't so much as leave the seed of it in the ground, to grow by chance as a natcral curiosity. Now the Prolestant family is like a bundle of refuse shingles, when withered up together (which it never was and never will be to all ctarnity), no great of a bundle arter all, you might take it up under lift THE CLOCKMAKER. h i ij • q /. '7 one arm, and walk ofT with it without winkin. But, when all lyin loose as it always is, jist look at it, and see what a sight it is, all blowin about by overy wind of doctrine, some away up een a most out of sight, others rollin over and over in the dirt, some split to pieces, ,/and others so wjrped by the weather and cracked by the sun — no two of 'em will lie so as to make a close jint. They are all divided . into sects, railin, quarrellin, separatin, and agreein in nothin, but '^hatin each other. It is auful to think on. Tother family will some day or other gather them all up, put them into a bundle and bind them up tight, and condemn 'em as fit for nothin under the sun, but the fire. Now he who splits one of these here sects by schism, or he who preaches schism commits a grieveous sin ; and Sam, if you \ valy your own peace of mind, have nothin to do with such folks. — Ifs pretty much the same in politics. I aint quite clear in my conscience, Sam, about our glorious revolution. If that are blood was shed justly in the rebellion, then it was the Lord's doin, but if unlawfully, how am I to answer for my share in it. I was at Bunker's Hill (the most splended battle its generally allowed that ever was fought) ; what effects my shots had, I can't tell, and I am glad I can% all except one, Sam, and that shot— — Here the old gentleman _ became dreadfully agitated, he shook like an ague fit, and he walked up and down the room, and rung his tftinds and groaned bitterly. I have wrastled with the Lord, Sam, and have prayed to him to en- lighten me on that pint, and to wash out the stain of that are blood from my hands. I never told you that are story, nor your mother noither, for she could not stand it, poor critter, she's kinder narvous. Well, Doctor Warren (the first soldier of his age, though he never fought afore), commanded us all to resarve our fire till the British came within pint blank shot, and wo could cleverly see the whites of their eyes, and we did so — and we mowed them down like gras£i, and we repeated our fire with auful eflect. I was among the last that remained behind the breastwork, for most on 'em, arter the second shot, cut and run full split. The British were close to us ; and an officer, witii his sword drawn, was leading on his men and encouragin them to the charge. I could see his features, he was a rael b-^odsum man, I can see him now with his white breeches and 4^^^htj9 k ^dis, and red coat, and three cornered cocked hat, as plain '' fi . : r/RS yesterday, instead of the year '75. Well, I took a steady aim at b.»a and fired. He didn't move for a space, and I thought I had missed bcrn, when ell of a sudden, he sprung right straight up an eend, his sword slipt through his hands up to the pint, and then he fell flat on his face atop of the blade, and it came straight out through his back. He was fairly skivered. I never seed anything so auful since I was raised^ I actilly screamed out with horror— and A TA^E OF BUNKER'S HILL. 117 3 was a les and s plain steady ughtl ght up d then ht out ything —and I threw away my gun and joined them that were retreatin over the neck to Gharlestown. Sam, that are British officer, if our rebellion was onjust, or onlawful, was murdered, that's a fact ; and the idee, now I am growing old, haunts me day and night. Sometimes I begin with the Stamp Act, and I go over' all our grievances, one by one, and say aint they a sufficient justification? Well, it makes a long list, and I get kinder satisfied, and it appears as clear as any thing. But sometimes there come doubts in my mind jist like a guest that's not invited or not expected, and takes you at a short like, and I say, warn't the Stamp Act repealed, and concessions made, and warn't offers sent to settle all fairly — and t get troubled and oneasy again? And then I say to myself, says I, oh yes, but them offers came too late. I do nothin now, when I am alone, but argue it over and over agin. I actilly dream on that man in my sleep sometimes, and then I see him as plain as if be was afore me, and I go over it all agin till I come to that are shot, and then I leap right up in bed and scream like all vengeance, and your mother, poor old critter, says, Sam, says she, what on airth ails you to make you act so like old Scratch in your sleep — I do believe there's some- thin or another on your conscience. And I say, Polly dear, I guess we're a goin to have rain, for that plaguy cute rheumatis has seized my foot, and it does antagonize me so I have no peace. It always does so when its like for a change. Dear heart, she says (the poor simple critter), then I guess I had better rub it, hadn't I, Sam ? and she crawls out of bed, and gets her red flannel petticoat, and rubs away at my foot ever so long. Oh, Sam, if she could rub it out of my heart as easy as she thinks she rubs it out of my foot, I should be in peace, that's a fact. What's done, Sam, can't be helped, there is no use in cryin over spilt milk, but still one can't help a thinkin on it. But I don't love schisms and I don't love rebellion. Our revolution has made us grow faster and grow richer ; but, Sam, when we were younger and poorer, we were more pious and more happy. We have nothin fixed either in religion or polilics. What connection there ought to be atween Church and State, I am not availed, but some there ought to be as sure as the Lord made Moses. Religion when left to itself, as with us, grows too rank and , Juxuriant. Sufikers andjsprouts and intersecting shoots, and super-^j v,' ''i)^V , (ffluous wood make a nice shady tree to look at, but where's the fruit, ' '^ j^f ^Sam? that's the question — where's the fruit? No ; the pride of hu- man wisdom, and the presumption it breeds, will ruinate us. Jeffer- son was an infidel, and avowed it, and called it the enlightenment of the age. Cambridge College is Unitarian, cause it looks wise to doubt, and every drumstick of a boy ridicules the belief of his forefathers. If our country is to be darkened by infidelity, our Government defied \'17- H ■U>i(. .'(.•'- il "T^^mmm^ 7 ,,,/y. 118 THE CLOCKMAKER. by every State, and every State ruled by mobs — then, Sam, the blood we shed in our revolution will be atoned for in the blood and suiTering of our fellow citizens. The murders of that civil war will be ex- piated by a political suicide of the State.' I am somewhat of father's opinion, said the Clockmaker, though I don't go the whole figur with himy but he needn't have made such an everlastin touss about fixin that are British officer's flint for him, for he'd a died of himself by this time, I do suppose, if he had a missed his shot at him. Praps. we might have done a little better, and praps we mightn't, by sticken a little closer to the old constitution. But one thing I will say, I think, arter all, your Colony Government is about as happy and as good a one as I know on. A man's life and property are well protected here at little cost, and he can go where he likes and do what he likes, provided he don't trespass on his neighr hour. { guess that's enough for any on us, now aint il? qHAPTER XXXI. GULLING A BLUE NOSE. I ALLOT, said Mr. Slick, that the blue-noses are the most gullible folks on the face of the airth, — rigular soft horns, that's a fact. Po- liticks and such stuiTset 'em a gapin, like children in a chimbley corner listening to tales of ghosts, Salem witches, and Nova Scotia snow storms; and while they stand starin and yawpin, all eyes and mouth, they get their pockets picked of every cent thafs in 'em. One candidate chap says, ' Feller citizens, this country is goin to the dogs hand over hand : look at your rivers, you have no bridges; at your wild lands, you have no roads; at your treasury, you hante got a cent in it; at your markets, things don't fetch nothin ; at your fish, the Yankees ketch 'em all. There's nothin behind you butsuf- I'erin, around you but poverty, afoie you but slavery and death. What's the cause of this unheerd of awful state of things, ay, what's the cause? Why Judges, and Banks, and Lawyers, and great folks, have swallered all the money. They've got you down, and they'll keep you down to all etarnity, you and your posteriors arter you. Rise up like men, arouse yourselves like freemen, and elect me to the Legis- latur, and I'll lead on the small but patriotic band, I'll pgt the big wigs thro' their facins, I'll make 'em shake in their shoes, I'll knock oil" your chains and make you free.' Well the goneys fall tu and elect him, and he dosarts right away, with balls, rifle, powder, horn, and all. He promised Coo much. \ GULLING A BLUB NOSE. 119 Then comes a rael good man, and an evorlastin fine preacher, a most a special spiritual man, renounces the world, the flesh, and the devil, preaches and prays day and night, so kind to the poor, and so humble, he has no more pride than a babe, and so short-handed, he's no butter to his bread — all selMenial, mortiryin the flesh. Well, as soon as he can work it, he marries the richest gall in all his flock, and then his bread is buttered on both sides. He promised too much. Then comes a Doctor, and a prime article he is too, I've got, says he, a screw augur emetic and hot crop, and if I can't cure all sorts o' things in natur my name a'nt qu&ck. Well, he turn's stomach and pocket, both inside out, and 'eaves poor blue-nose— a dead man. He promised too much. Then comes a Lawyer, anM"?'!'t|awyejPr.too,.flj[«aLwoj|^^ tlio sun, as straight as a shingle in all his dealins. He's so honest he canl^ar to hear tell of fther lawyers, he writes agin 'em, raves agin 'em, votes agin 'em, they are all rogues but him. He's jist the man to take a case in hand, cause he will see justice done. Well, he wins his case, and Jlx>bs all for costs, cause he's sworn to see) justice done to himself. He promised too much. Then comeii a Yankee Clockmaker (and here Mr. Slick looked up and smiled], with his ' Soft Sawder,' and ' Human Natur,' and he soils clocks warranted to run from July to Etarnity, stoppages included, and I must say they do run as long as — as long as wooden cbcks com- monly do, that's a fact. But I'll shew you presently how I put the leak into 'em, for hero's a feller a little bit ahead on us, whose flint I've made up my mind to fix this while past. Here we were nearly thrown out of the waggon, by tho breaking down of one of those small wooden bridges, which prove so annoying and so dangerous to travellers. Did you hoar that are snap? said he, well, as sure as fate, I'll break my clocks over them etarnal log bridges, if Old Clay clips over them arter that fashion. Them are poles are plaguy treacherous, they are jist like old Marm Patience Doesgood's teeth, that keeps the great United Independent Democratic Hotel, at Squaw Neck. Creek, in Massachusetts, one half gone, and tother half rotten eends. I thought you had disposed of your last Clock, said I, at Colchester, to Deacon Flint. So I did, he. replied^ the last one I had to sell to Mm, but I got a few left for other folks yet. Now there's a man on this road, one Leb Allen, a real genuira^ skinflint, a proper close-fisted customer as you'll amost see any where, and one that's not altogether the straight thing in his dealin neither. He don't want no one to live but himself, and he's mighty handsum to me, sayin my Clocks are all a cheat, and that we ruinate the country, a drainin every drop of money out of it, a callin me a Yankee broom and what not. But it tante all jist Gospel that he says. Now I'll put a Clock on him afore he knows it, I'll go right into him as slick as a whistle, and play him ^^^ ^p 4U* 120 TUB CLOfJKMAKBR. to theeend of my line like a trbiit. I'll have a hook in his gillo, while he's thinkin he's only smollin at the bait. There he is now, I be darned if he aint, standin afore his shop door, lookin as strong as high proof Jamaiky; t guess I'll whip out of the bung while he's a lookin arter the spicket, and p'raps he'll be none o' the wiser till he finds it out, neither. Well Squire, how do you do, said he, how's all at home? Reason- able well, I give you thanks, won't you alight? Can't to-day, said Mr. Slick, I'm in a considerable of a hurry to katch the packet, have you any commands for Sow West? I'm goin to the Island, and across the Bay to Windsorj Any word that way? No, says Mr. Allen, none that I can think on, unless it be to inquire how butter's goin; they tell me cheese is down, and prodiM^of all kind particular dull this fall. Well, I'm glad 1 can tell you that question, said Slick, for I don't calculate to return to these parts, butter is risin a cent or two; I put mine o(T mind at ten-pence. Don't return I possible! why, how you talk? Have you done with the clock trade? I guess I have, it tante worth follerin now. Most time, said the other, laughio, for by all accounts the clocks warn't worth havin, and most infarnal dear too, folks begin to get their eyes open. It warn't needed in your case, said Mr, Slick, with that peculiarly composed manner that indicates suppressed feeling, for you were always wide awake, if all the folks had cut their eye teeth as airly as you did, thero'd be plaguy few clocks sold in these parts, I reckon. But you are right, Squire, you may say that, they actually wore not worth havin, and that's the truth. The fact is, said he, throwin down his reins, and aiTectin a most confidential tone, I felt almost ashamed of them my- self, I tell you. The long and short of the matter is jist this, they don't make no good ones now-a-days no more, for they calculate 'em for shipping and not for home use. I was all struck up of a heap when I seed the last lot I got from the States. I was properly bit by them, you may depend ; they didn't pay cost, for I couldn't re- commend them with a clear conscience, and I must say I do like a fair deal, for I'm strait up and down, and love to go right ahead, that's a fact. Did you ever see them I fetched when I first came, them I sold over the Bay? No, said Mr. Allen, I can't say I did. Well, continued he, they w^^ a prime article, I tell you, no mistake there, fit for any market, it's generally allowed there aint the beat of them to be found any where. If you want a clock, hi\Acan lay your hands on one of them, I advise you not to let go the chance; you'll know 'em by the Lowell mark, for thf^y were all made at Judge Beler's factory. Squire Shepody, down to Five Islands, axed me to get him one, and a special job I had of it, near about more sarch arter it than it was worth, but I did get him one, and a particular hansum one it is, copald and gilt superior. I guess it's worth ary half-dozen ia OULLINO A BLUB N08E. ISl these parts, let tothers be where they may. If I could a got supplied with the like o' thorn, 1 could a made a grand spec out of them. Tor they took at once, and went off quick. Have you got it with you, said Mr. Allen, I should like to see it. Yes, I have it here, all done up in tow, as snug as a bird's egg, to keep it from jarrin, for it hurts , ^^, . •em consumedly to jolt 'em over them are eternal wooden bridges. r.a^ 'T^P^I But it's no use to Ukeitout, it aint for sale, its bespoke, and I wouldn't take the same trouble to get another for twenty dollars. The only one that I know of that there's any chance of gettin, is one that In- crease Crane has up to Wilmot, they say he's a sellin off. After a good deal of persuasion, Mr Slick unpacked the clock, but protested against his asking for it, for it was not for sale. It was then exhibited, every part explained and praised, as new in invention and perfect in workmanship. Now Mr. Allen had a very exalted opinion of Squire Shepody's taste, judrment, and saving knowledge; and, as it was the last and only chance of getting a clock of such su- perior quality, he offered to take it at the price the squire was to have it, at seven pounds ten shillings. But Mr. Slick vowed he couldn't part with it at no rate, he didn't know where he could get the like agin (for he warn't quite sure about Increase Crane's), and the Squire would be confounded disappointed, he couldn't think of it. In pro- portion to the difficulties, rose the ardour of Mr. Allen, his offers ad- vanced to 8^. to 8/. I0«., to 9^. I vow, said Mr. Slick. I wish I hadn't let on that I had it at all. I don't {like to refuse you, but where am I to get the like. After much discussion of a similar na- ture, he consented to part with the clock, though with great apparent reluctance, and pocketed the money with a protest that, cost what it would, he should have to procure another, for he couldn't think of putting the Squire's pipe out arter that fashion, for he was a very clever man, and as fair as a boot-jack. Now, said Mr. Slick, as we proceeded on our way, that are feller is properly sarved, he got the most .inferior article I had, and I jist doubled the price on him. It's a pity he should be a tellin of lies of the Yankees all the time, this will help him now to a Uttle grain oC truth. Then mimicking his voice and manner, he repeated Allen's words with a strong nasal twang, * Most time for you to give over the clock trade, I guess, for by all accounts they ain't worth bavin, and most infarnel dear, too, folks begin to get their eyes open.' Better for you, if you'd a had your'n open I reckon; a joke is a joke but I concait you'll find that no joke. The next time you tell stories about Yankee pedlars, put the wooden clock in with the wooded pupkin _^ seeds, and Hickory hams, will you? The blue-noses, Squire, are all like.Zeb Allen, they think they know every thing, but they get gulled from year's eend to year's eend. They expect too much from others,"~~~/ ^d do too little for themselves. They actilly expect the sun to shinej^' m THE CLOCKMAKER. (. 7M. and tho rain to fall, through their littlo House of Assembly. Wlial have you done for us? they keep axin their memburs. Who did you spunk up to last Session ? jist as if all legislation consisted in attackin /, . I ^' some halMozen puss-proud folks at Halifax, who are jist as big noo- "^jy^V^p/ dies as they be themselves. Your hear nothin but politics, politics, O^J*' politics, one everlastin sound of give, give, give. If I was Governor I'd give 'em the butt oond of my mind on the subject, I'd crack their PAtos till I let some light in 'em if it was mo, 1 know. I'd say to / the members, don't come down here to Halifax with your lung lock- ^ rums about politics, makin a great touss about nutliin ; but open the ' country, foster agricultur, encourage trade, incorporate companies, make bridges, facilitate conveyance, and above all things make a railroad from Windsor to Halifax; and mind what I toll you now, write it down for fear you should forget it, for it's a fact ; and if you don't believe me, I'll lick you till you do, for there ain't a word of a lie in it, by Gum : • One such work as the fTindsur ffridt/e, is worth J all your laws, votes, speecliesy and resolutions , for tfie last ten years, S i/ tied up and put into a nieal hay together. If it tante I hoi)e I ) may be shot.' CHAPTER XXXII. TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE. We had a pleasant sail of three hours from Parrsburougli to Windsor. The arrivals and departures by water, are regulated at this place by the tide, and it was sunset before we reached Mrs. Wilcox's comfortable inn. Here, as at other places, Mr. Slick seemed to bo perfectly at home; and he pointed to a v>)oden clock, as a proof of his successful and extended trade, and of Ihe universal influence of * soft sawder,' and a knowledge of ' hnair.n natur.' Tak- ing out a penknife, he cut oiTa splinter from a stick of firewood, and / balancing himself on one leg of his chair, by the aid of his right foot. |!^,commenccd his favourite amusement of whittling, which he generally pursued in silence. Indeed it appeared to have become with him an indispensable accompaniment of reflection. He sat in this abstracted manner, until he had manufactured into delicate shavings the whole of his raw material, when he very de- liberately resumed a position of more ease and security, by resting his chair on two legs'instead of one, and putting both his feet on the mantel-piece. Then, lighting his cigar, he said in his usual quiet manner, There's a plaguy sight of truth in them are old proverbs. They are distilled facts steamed down to an essence. They are like [ . • i^ •r^ ^' // v -^ J / TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE. Itt portablo soup, an amazin deal of matter in a small compass. Tlioy are what I valy most, oxperience. Father used to say, I'd aa lives have an old homespun, self-taught doctor as are a Professor in the College at Philadelphia or Now York to attend me ; for what they do know, thoy know by experience and not by books ; and experience is every thing; it's hearin, and seein, and tryin, and atter that a feller must be a born fool if he don't know. That's the beauty of old pro- verbs ; they are as true as a plum line, and as short and sweet as sugar candy. Now when you come to see all about this country you'll find tho truth of that are one — * a man that has too many irons in thejire^ is plaguy apt to get some on 'em burnt.' , / ,► / Do you recollect that are tree I show'd you to Parrsboro', it was 'j . <^— ^ - all covered with black J^as^s^ like a wart rubbed with caustic. Well," ''J ^T^ the plum trees had the same disease a few years ago, and they alh'-y-- /''' * .** died, and the cherry trees I concait will go for it too. The farms^ tM v'> J\ here are all covered with the same * black knobs,' and they do look ^ like old scratch. If you see a place all gone to wrack and ruin, it's n^Qrtgaged you may depend. The * black knob' is on it. My plan, you know, is to ax leave to put a clock in a house, and let it be till I return. I never say a word about scllin it, for 1 know when I come back, they won't let it go arter they are once used to it. Well, when I first came, I knowed no one, and I was forced to inquire whether a man was good for it, afore I left it with him ; so I made a pint of axin all about every man's place that lived on the road. Who lives up there in the big house? says I— it's a nice location that, pretty considerable improvements, them. Why, Sir, that's A. B.'s; he was well to do in the world once, carried a stiff upper lip and keered for no one; he was one of our grand aristocrats, wore a long-tailed coat, and a ruffled shirt, but he must take to ship buildin, and has gone to the dogs. Oh, said I, too many irons in the fire. Well, the next farm, where the pigs are in thepotatoe field, whose js that? Oh, Sir, that's 0. D's. ; he was a considerable fore-handed farmer, an any in our place, but he sot up for an Assembly-man, and opened a Store, and things went agin him some-how, he had no luck arter- wards. 1 hear his place is mortgaged, and they've got him cited in chancery. ' The black knob' is on him, said I. The black what. Sir? says blue-nose. Noihin, says I. But the next, who improves thai house ? Why that's £. F's. ; he was tho greatest farmer in these parts, another of the aristocracy, had a most noble stock o' cattle, and tho matter of some hundreds out in jint notes ; well, he took the contract for beef with the troops ; and he fell astarn, so I guess it's a gone gooso with him. He's heavy mortgaged. 'Too many irons agin,' said I. Who lives to the left there? that man has a most special fine intervale, and a grand orchard too, he must be a good mark that. Well, he was once, Sir, a few years ago; but he built a ^w 'wrr Q 'H-^ 'k» ' Alt' '!"■ 134 THE GLOCKMAKER. >^i- ^ fullin mill, and a cardin mill, and put up a lumber establishment, and speculated in the West Indy line, but the dam was carried away by the freshets, the lumber Tell, and faith he fell too; he's shot up, he han't been sce'd these two years, his farm is a common, and fairly run out. Oh, said I, I understand now, my man, these folks had too many irons in the fire, you see, and some on 'em have got iturnt. 1 never heerd tell of it, says blue-nose ; they might, but not to my knowledge ; and he scratched his head, and looked as if he would ask the meanin of it, but didn't like to. Arter that I axed no more ques- tions ; T knew a mortgaged farm as far as I could see it. There was a strong family likeness in 'em all — the sume ugly features, the same cast o' countenance. The * black knob' was discernible — there was no mistake — barn doors broken off— fences burnt up — glass out of windows — more white crops than green — and both lookin weedy — no wood pile, no sarce garden, no compost, no stock — moss in the mowin lands, thistles in the ploughed lands, and neglect every where — skinnin had commenced — takin all out and puttin nothin in — gittin ready for a move, so as to leave nothin behind. Flittin time had come. Foregatherin, for foreclosin. Preparin to curse and quit. — That beautiful river we c^me up to day, what superfine farms it has on both sides of it, hante it? its a sight to behold. Our folks have no notion of such a country so far down east, beyond creation most, as Nova Scotia is. If I was to draw up an account of it for the Slickville Gazette, I guess few would accept it as a bond fide draft, without some sponsible man to indorse it, that warnt given to fiammiii. They'd say there was a land speculation to the bottom of it, or a water privilege to put into the market, or a plaister rock to get o^T, or some such scheme. They would, I snore. But I hope I may never see daylight agin, if there's sich a country in all our great nation as the i»-cinity of Windsor, Now it's jist as like as not, some goney of a blue-nose, that see'd us from his fields, sailin up fail split, wif a a fair wind on the packet, went right off home and said to his wife, * Now do for gracious sake, mother, jist look here, and see how slick them folks go along ; and that Captain has nothin to do all day, but sit sjcaddle legs across his iiller, and order about his sailors, or talk like a gentleman to his passengers : he's got most as easy a time of it as Ami Guttle has, since he took up the fur trade, a snarin rabbits. I guess I'll buy a vessel, and leave the lads to do the plowin and little chores, they've growd up now to be considerable lumps of boys.' Well, away he'll go, hot foot (for I know the critters better nor they know themselves), and h"''' go and buy some old wrack of a vessel, to carry plaister, and L. jrtgage his farm to pay for her. The vessel will jam him \x\v tight for repairs and new riggin, and Mie Sheriff will soon pay him a visit (and he's a most particular troublesome visitor that; if he once TOO MANY IRONS IN THB FIUE. I«5 t see'd tacket, 3 sake, ;; aiul > :vf OSS hi» * * to his"*-^; i'.;! e has, vi"- buy a ley've y he'll ;lves), aister, im U|k him a .' . " e onco only gets a slight how-d'ye-do acquaintance, he becomes so amazin intimate afterwards, a comin in without knockin, and a runnin in and out at all hours, and makin so |)laguy free and easy, it's about ns much as a bargain if you can get clear of him afterwards). Be^ nipt by the tide, and benipt by the SherifT, the vessel makes short work with him. Well, the upshot is, the farm gets neglected, while Captain Cuddy is to sea a drogin of plaister. The thistles run over his grain fields, his cattle run over his hay land, the interest runs over its time, the mortgage runs over all, and at last he jist runs over to the lines to Eastport, himself. And when he finds himself there, a standin in the street, near Major Pine's tavern, with his hands in his trowser pockets, a chasin of a stray shillin from one end of 'cm to another, afore he can catch it, to swap for a dinner, wont [he look., like a rivin distracted fool, that's all? He'll feel about as streaked as I did once, a ridin down the St. John river. It was the fore part of March — I'd been up to Fredericton a speculatin in a small matter of lumber, and was returnin to the city a gallopin along on one of old Buntin's horses, on the ice, and all at once I missed my horse, he went right slap in and slid under the ice out of sight as quick as wink, and there I was a standin all alone. Well, says I what the dogs has become of my horse and port mantle? they have given me a proper dodge, that's a fact. That is a narrer squeak, it fairlyq^ bangs all. Well, I guess he'll feel near about as ugly, when he findsi! himself brought up al! standin that way ; and it will come so sudden on him, he'll say, why it aint possible I've lost farm and vessel both, in tu tu's that way, but I dont see neither on 'em. Eastport is near about all made up of folks who have had to cut and run for it. I was down there last fall, and who should 1 see but Thomas Rigby, of Windsor. He knew me the mi nit he laid eyes upon me, for I had sold him a clock the summer afore. (T got paid for it, though, for I see'd he had too many irons in the fire not to get some on 'em burnt ; and besides, I knew every (all and spring the w'nd set in for the lines, from Windsor, very strong — a regular trade wind — a sort of monshune, that blows all one way, for a long time with- out shiftin.) Well, I felt proper sorry for him, for he was a very clever man, and looked cut up dreadfully, and amazin down in the mouth. Why, says I, possible 1 is that you, Mr. Rigby? why, as I am alive ! if that aint my old friend — why how do you do? Hearty, I thank you, said he, how be you? Heasonable well, I give you thanks, says I ; but what on airth brought you here? Why, says he, Mr. Slick, I couldn't well avoid it ; times are uncommoD dull over the bay; there's nothin stirrin there this year, and never will I'm thinkin. No mortal soul can live in Nova Scotia. I do be- lieve that our country was made of a Saturday night, arter all the rest of the Universe was finished. One half of it has got all the / ^h ,*»^» 120 THE GLOCkMAICEK. Ih t| 11 ballast of Noah's ark thrown out there ; and the other half is eat up by Bankers, Lawyers, and other great folks. All our money goes to pay salaries, and a poor man has no chance at all. Well, says I, are you done up stock and fluke— a total wrack? No, says he, I have two hundred pounds left yet to the good, but my farm, stock, and utensils, them young blood horses, and the bran new vessel I was a buildin, arc all gone to pot, swept as clean as a thrashin floor, that's a fact; Shark and Co. took all. Well, says I, do you know the reason of all that misfortin ? Oh, says he, any fool can tell that ; bad times to be sure—- every thing has turned agin the country, the banks have it all their own way, and much good may it do 'em. Well, says I, what's the reason the banks don't eat us up too, for I guess they are as hungry as yourn be, and no way particular about their food neither, considerable sharp set— cut like razors, you may depend. I'll tell you, says I, how you got that are slide, that sent you heels over head — ' You had too many irons in the fire.* You hadn't ought to have taken hold of ship buildin at all, you knowed nothin about it ; you should have stuck to your farm, and your farm would have stuck to you» Now go back, afore you spend your money, go up to Douglas, and you'll buy as good a farm for two hundred pounds as what you lost, and see to that, and to that only, and you'll grow rich. As for Banks, they can't hurt a country no great, I guess, except by brcakin, and I concait there's no fear of yourn breakin ; and as for lawyers, and them kind o' heavy coaches, give /em half the road, and if they run agin you, take the law of 'em. :' Undivided, unremittin attention paid to one thing, in ninety-nine ) cases out of a hundred, will ensure success ; but you know the old \ say in about * too many irons.'' Now. says I, Mr. Rigby, what o'clock is it? Why, says he, the moon is up a piece, I guess its s6ven o'clock or thereabouts. I sup- pose its time to be a movin. Stop, says I, jist come with me, I got a real natoral curiosity to show you — such a thing as you never laid your eyes on in Nova Scotia, 1 know. So we walked along towards the beach; Now, says I, look at that arc man, old Lunar, and his son, a sawin plank by moonlight, for that are vessel on the stocks there; come agin to morrow mornin afore you can cleverly discarn objects the matter of a yard or so afore you, and you'll find 'em a*, it agin. I guess that vessel won't ruinate those folks. They know their business and stick to it. Well, away went Rigby, considerable sulky (lor he had no notion that it was his own fault, he laid all the blame on the folks to Halifax), but I guess he was a little grain posed, lor back ho went, and bought to Sowack, where I hear he has a better farm than he had afore. 1 mind once we had an Irish gall as a dairy holp: well, we had a wicked devil oi a cow, and she kicked over the mil!, pail, and in ran WINDSOR AND THE FAR WEST. 187 Bora, and swore the Bogle did it; jist so poor Rigby, he wouldn't allow it was natera! causes, but laid it all to politics. Talkin of Dora, puts me in mind of the galls, for she warnt a bad lookin heifer that; niyl what an eye she had, and I concaited she had a particular small foot and ankle too, when I helped her up once into the hay mow, to sarch for eggs ; but I can't exactly say, fir when she brought 'em in, mother shook her head and said it was dangerous ; she said she might fall through and hurt herself, and always sent old Snow arterwards. She was a considerable of a long headed woman, was mother , she could see as far ahead as most folks. She warn't born yesterday, I guess. But ^hat are proverb is true as respects the galls too. Whenever you see one on 'em with a whole lot of sweethearts, its an even chance if she gets married to any on 'em. One cools ofT, a^id another cools ofT, and before she brings any one on 'em to the righ! weldlo heat, the coal is gone and the fire is out. Then she> mny b!ov and blow till she's tired ; she may blow up a dust, but the deuce ot a flame can she blow up agin, to save her soul alive. 1 never see a clever lookin gall in danger of that, I don't long to whisper in her ear, you dear little critter, you, take care, you Mm too many irons in tltejire, some on 'cm will vho form a very numerous and respectable portion of the inhabitants of Nova Scotia, its indirect operation has been both extensive and important in this colony. The friends of the estabh'shment, having at an early period found- ed a college, and patronised education, the professions have been filled with scholars and gentlemen, and the natural and very proper emulation of other sects being thus awakened to the importance of the subject, they have been stimulated to maintain and endow aca- demies of their own. The general difusion through thg country of a well-educated body of clergymen, lilt those of the establishment, has had a strong ten- dency to raise the standard of qualification among those who difler from them, while the habits, manners, and regular conduct of so re- spectable a body of men naturally and unconsciously modulate and in- lluence those of their neighbours, who may not perhaps attend their ministrations. It is, therefore, among other causes doubtless, owiiig in a great measure to the exertions and salutary example of the Church in the Colonies that a higher tone of moral feeling exists in the British Provinces ihan in the neighbouring states, a claim which I find very generally put forth in this country, and though not exactly admitted, yet certainly not denied even by Mr. Slick himself. The suggestions of this gentleman induced me to make some inquiries of the Clockmaker, connected with the subject of an establishment; I therefore asked him what his opinion was of the Voluntary System. Well, I don't know, said he; what is yourn? I am a member, I replied, of the Church of England ; you may, therefore, easily sup- pose what my opinion is. And I am a citizen, said he, laughing, of Slickville, Onion county, state of Connecticut, United States of America : you may therefore guess what my opinion is too: I reckon we are even now, ar'n't we? To tell you the truth, said he, I never thought much about it. I've been a considerable of a traveller in my day; arovin about here and there and everywhere; atradin wher- ever I seed a good c^iance of making a speck; paid my shot into the plale, whenever it was handed round in meetin, and axed no ques- tions. It was about as much as I could cleverly do, to lookartermy own consarns, and I left the ministers to look arter theirn ; but take 'eiu in a gineral way they arc pretty well to do in the world with us, esjjeciaily as they have the women on their side. Whoever has the women is sure of the men, you may depend, squire; openly or se- cretly, directly or indirectly; they do contrive, somehow or another, to hav(! their own way in the eend, and tho' the men have the reins, the women tell 'em which way to drive. Now, if ever you go for to a'anvas for votes, alwavs canvas tho wives, and you are sure of the THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM. 185 I recollect when I was last up to Albama, to one of the new cities iateb^ built there, I was awalkin one mornin airly out o' town to get a leetle fresh air, for the weather was so plaguy sultry I could Vy hardly breathe a' most, and I seed a most splendid location there near the road ; a beautiful white two-story house with a grand virandah runnin all round it, painted green, and green vernitians to the win- ders, and a white pallisade fence in front lined with a row of Lom- bardy poplars, and two rows of 'em leadin up to the front door, like two files of sodgers with fixt baganuts; each side of the avenue was a grass plot, and a beautiful image of Adam stood in the centre of one on 'em, — and of Eve, with a fig-leaf apron on, in t'other, made of wood by a native artist, and painted so nateral no soul could tell 'em from stone. The avenue was all planked beautiful, and it was lined with flowers in pots and jars, and looked a touch above common, I tell you. While I was astoppin' to look at it, who should drive by but the milkman >vith his cart. Says I, stranger, says 1, T suppose you don't know who lives here, do you? I guess you are a stranger, said he, ain't you? Well, says I, I don't exactly know as I ain't; but who lives here? The Rev. Ahab Meldrum, said he, I reckon. Ahab Meldrum, said 1 to myself; I wonder if it can be the Ahab Meldrum I was to school with to Slickville, to minister's, when we was boys. It can't be possible it's him, for he was fitter for a State's prisoner than a State's preacher, by a long chalk. He was a poor stick to make a preacher on, for minister couldn't beat nothin into him a'most, he was so cussed stupid ; but I'll see any how : so I walks right through the gate and raps away at the door, and a tidy, well- i.y.rigged nigger help opens it and shews me into a'most an elegant famished room. I was most darnted to sit down on the chairs, they were so splendid, for fear I should spile 'em. There was mirrors and varses, and lamps, and picturs, and crinkum crankums, and no- tions of all sorts and sizes in it. It looked like a bazar a'most, it was fill'd with such an everlastin sight of curiosities. The room was considerable dark loo, for the blinds was shot, and I was skear'd to move for fear o' doin mischief. Presently in comes Ahab, slowly sailin in, like a boat droppin down stream in a calm, with a pair o' purple slippers on, and a figured silk dressin gound, and carrying a'most a beautiful-bound book in his hand. May I presume, says he, to inquire who I have the onexpected pleasure of seeing this mornin? If you'll gist throw open one o' them are shutters, says I, I guess the light will save us the trouble o' axin* names. I know who you be by your voice any how, tho' it's consi- derable softer than it was ten years ago. I'm Sam Slick, says I,— r what's left o' me at least. Verily,, said he, friend Samuel, I'm glad to see you : and how did you leave that excellent man and distin* Hi 1^ I'T I I 'I .) 4 t /?iM.<.-'i.-t"t-' • €1 . i:m THE GLOCKMAKKK. ^iiishud scholar, tho Rov. Mr Hopewell, and my good friend your Tiitlitir? Is tho old gentleman still alive? if so, he must anow bo ripcfiill of years as he is full of honors. Your mother, I think I heerd, was dead — gathered to hor fathers — peace be with her ! — she had a good and a kind heart. I loved her as a child : but the Lord f»kcth whom he lovoth. Ahab, says I, I have but a few minutes to slay with you, and if you think to draw the wool over my eyes. It might perhaps take you a longer time than you are athinkin on or than I have to spare; — there are some friends you've forgot to inquire after tho', — there's Polly Bacon and her little boy. Spare mc, Samuel, spare me, my friend, says he ; open not that wound afresh, I beseech thee. Well, says I, none o' your nonsense then ; shew mo into a room where I can spit, and h^\ to home, and put my feet upon the chairs without adamagin things, nnd I'll sit and smoke and chat with you a few minutes; in fact I don't care if I stop and breakfast with you, for I feel consider- able peckish this mornin. Sam, says he, atakin hold of my hand, you were always right up and down, and as straight as a shingle in your dealins. I can trust yoUf I know, but mind, — and he put his fingers on hisr lips — mum is the word ;<— byego.nes are bye gones, — you wouldn't blow an old chum among his friends, would you? I scorn a nasty, dirty, mean actions, say I, as I do a nigger. Come, foller me, -then, says he; — and he led me into a back room, with an oncarpeted painted floor, famished plain, and some shelves in it, with books and pipes and cigars, pigtail, and what not. Here's liberty-hall, said he; chew or smoke, or spit as you please ;— do as you like hero; we'll throw oil all resarve now; but mind that cursed nigger; he has a foot like a cat, and an ear for every keyhole— don't talk too loud. Well, Sam, said he, I'm glad to see you too, my boy; it puts me in mind of old times. Many's the ]ark you and I have had together in Slickville, when old Hunks — (it made me start, that he meant Mr. Hopewell, and it made me feel kinder dandry at him, for I wouldn't let any one speak disrespectful of him afore me for nothin, I know} — when old Hunks thought we was abed. Them was happy days o' light heels and light hearts. I often think on 'em and think on 'cm too with pleasure. Well, Ahab, says I, i don't gist altogether ' ''''know as I do; there are some things we might gist as well a'most have left alone, f reckon ; but what's done is done, that's a fact. A licml said he, so loud, I looked round and I seed two niggers bringin in the breakfast, and a grand one it was, — tea and cofiee and In-> dgian corn and cakes, and hot bread and cold bread, fish, fowl, and Ilesh, roasted, boiled and fried; presarves, pickles, fruits; in short, every thing a'most you could think on. You needn't wait, said Ahab to tho blacks; I'll ring for you when I want you; we'll help ourselves. I i.i n I "«U THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM. 1S7 Well, when I looked round and seed (his critter alivin' this way« on tho fat o' the land, up to his knees in clover like, it did po^o me'^ considerable to know how he worked it so cleverly, for he was thought always, as a boy, to be rather more than half onder-baked, considerable soft-like. So, says I, Ahab, says I, I calculate you'r like the cat we used to throw out of minister's garrat winder, when ''as aboardin there to school. How so, Sam ? said he. Why, adys I, you always seem to come on your feet some how or another. You have got a plaguy nice thing of it here ; that's a fact, and no mistake [the critter had three thousand dollars a year) ; how on airth did you manage it T I wish in my heart I had ataken up the trade o' prcachin' too ; when it does hit it does capitally, that's sartain. Why, says he, if you'll promise not to let on to any one about it, I'll .^ (ell you. I'll keep dark about it, you may depend, said I. I'm not a man that can't keep nothin in my gizzard, but go right ofTand blart out I all I hear. I know a thing worth twoo' that, I guess. Well, says he, it's done by a new ruleil made in grammar— the feminine gender is more worthy than the neuter and the neuter, more worthy than the masculine; I gist soft sawder the women. It taint every man ' M let you tickle him ; and if you do, he'll make faces at you enough would R 'ighten you into fits ; but tickle his wife and it's electrical— he'll laiigh like any thing. They are the forred wheels, start them, and the hind ones foller of course. Now it's mostly women that tend meetin here: the men-folks have their politics and trade to talk over, and what not, and ain't time; but the ladies go considerable rigular, and we have to depend on them, the dear critters. I gist lay myself out to get the blind side o' them, and I su^ar and gild the pill so as to make it pretty to look at and easy to swallar. Last Lord's day, for instance, I preached on thi death of the widder's son. Well, I drew such a pictur of the lone watch at the sick bed, the pa- tience, the kindness, the tenderness of women's hearts, their for- giving disposition — (the Lord forgive me for saying so, tho', for if there is a created critter that never forgives, it's a woman ; they seem to forgive a wound on their pride, and it skins over and looks all heal'd up like, but touch 'em on the sore spot ag'in, and see how 'cute their memory is) — their sweet temper, soothers of grief, dis- pensers of joy, ministrin angels.— ;I make all the virtues of the fe- minine gender always, — then I wound up with a quotation from Walter Scott. They all like poetry, do the ladies, and Shakspeare, Scott, and Byron, are amazin' favorites; they go down much better than them old-fashioned staves o' Watts. * Oh woman, in our hoar of ease. Uncertain, coy, and hard to please, And variable as the shade By the light qniverinf^ aspen made : When pain aud anguish wring ihe brow, A ministering angeithon.' / I ' *. »i n jj' / r ■i I ■ 13S THE CLOCKMAKEH. « If I didn't touch it ofT to the nines it's a pity. I never heerd you preach so well, says one, since you was located here. I drew from natur', says I, a squezin of her hand. Nor never so touchin, says another. You know my moddle, says I, lookin' spooney on her. ( fairly shed tears, said a third ; how often have you drawn them from me? says I. So true, said they, and so nateral, and truth and natur' is what we call eloquence. I feel quite proud, said I, and conside- rably elated, my admired sisters, — for who can judge so well as the ladies of the truth of the description of their own virtues? I must say I feelt somehow kinder, inadequate to the task too, I said,— for the depth and strength and beauty of the female heart passes all understandin. When I left 'em I heard 'em say, ain't he a dear man, a sweet critter, a' most a splendid preacher ; none o' your mere moral lec- turers, but a rael right down genuine gospel preacher. Next day I received to the tune of one hundred dollars in cash, and fifty dollars produce, presents from one and another. The truth is, if a minister wants to be popular he should remain singli), for then the galls all have a chance for him ; but the moment he marries he's up a tree; his flint is fixed then ; you may depend it's gone goose with him arter that ; that's a fact. No, Sam ; they are the pillars of the temple, the dear little critters — And I'll give jou a wrinkle for your horn, perhaps you ain't got yet, and it may be some use to you when you go down atradin with the benighted colonists in the outlandish British provinces. The roadto the headlies through the heart. Pocket, you mean, instead of head, I guess, said I ; and if you don't travel that road full chissel it's a pity. Well, says I, Ahab, when I go to Slickville I'll gist tell Mr. Hopewell what a most a precious, superfine, superior darn'd rascal you have turned out; if you ain't No. 1, letter A, I want to know who is, that's all. Yon do beat all, Sam, said he; it's the sys- tem that's vicious^ and not if le preacher. If I didn't give 'em the soft sawder they would neither pay me nor hear me; that's a fact. Are you so soft in the horn now, Sam, as to suppose the galls would take the trouble to come to hear me toll 'era of their corrupt natur' and fallen condition ; and first thank me, and then pay me for it? Very entertainin that to tell 'em the worms will fatten on their pretty little rosy cheeks, and that their sweet plump flesh is nothin' but grass, flourishin to day, and to be cut down, withered, and rotten to-morrow, ain't it? It ain't in the natur' o' things; if I put them out o' concait o' themselves, \ can put them in concait o' me ; or that they will come down handsome, and do the thing ginteel, it's gist onpossible. It warn't me made the system, but the system made mo. TJie volun- tary dorCt nork well. System or no sy* m, said I, Ahab, you are Ahab still, and Ahab you'll be to the eenu o' the chapter. You may decaive the women by soit sawder, and yourself by talkin' about systems, but you won't THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM. 189 wolk into mc so easy, I know. It ain't pretty at all. Now, said I, Ahal), I told you I wouldn't blow you, nor will I. I will neither speak o' things past nor things present. I know you wouldn't^ Sam, said he; you were always a good feller. But it's on one eondition, says I, and that is, that you allow Polly Bacon a hundred dollars a- year — she was a good gall and a decent gall when you first know'd her, and she's in great distress now to Slickville, I tell you. That's onfair, that's onkind, Sam, said he ; that's not the clean thing ; I can't aflbrd it ; it's a breach o' confidence this, but you got me on the hip, and I can't help myself; — say fifty dolSars, and I will. Done, said I, and mind you're up to the notch, for I'm in airnest — there's no mis- take. Depend upon me, said he. And, Sam, said he, ashakin hands along with me at partin',— excuse me, my good feller, but I hope e may never have the pleasure to see your face ag'in. Ditto, says I; but mind the fifty dollars a-year, or you will see me to a sartainty — good b'ye. How difierent this cussed critter was from poor, dear, good, old Joshua Hopewell. I seed him not long arter. On my return to Connecticut, gist as I was apassin' out o' Molasses into Onion County, who should I meet but minister amounted upon his horse, old Captain Jack. Jack was a racker, and in his day about as good a beast as ever hoisted tail (you know what a racker is, don't you squire? said the clockmaker; they brings up the two feet on one side first, together like, and then t'other two at once, the same way ; and they do get over the ground at a' most an amazin' size, that's sartain), but poor old critter, he looked pretty streak'd, You could count his ribs as far as you could see him, and his skin was drawn so tight over him, every blow of minister's cane on him sounded like a drum, he was so holler. A candle poked into him lighted would have shown through him like a lantern. He carried his head down to his knees, and the hide seem'd so scant a pattern, he showed his teeth like a cross dog, and it started his eyes and made 'em look all outside like a weasel's. He actiily did look as if he couldn't help it. Minister had two bags roll'd up and tied on behind him, like a portmanter, and was ajoggin on alookin down on his horse, and the horse alookin down on the road, as if he was seekin a soft spot to tumble down upon. It was curious to see Captain Jack too, when he heerd Old Clay acomin' along full split behind him ; he cocked up his head and tail, and prick'd up his ears, and looked corner ways out of an eye, as much as to say, if you are for a lick of a quarter of a mile I don't feel much up to it, but I'll try you any way ; — so here's at you. He did try to do pretty, that's sartain, as if he was ashamed of lookin 80 like Old Scratch, gist as a fcllar does up the shirt collar and combs his hair with his fingers, afore he goes into the room among the galls. 140 THE CLOCKMAKER. f' The poor skilliton of a beast was ginger to the backbone, you may dopiend — all clear grit; what there was of him was whalebone ; that's a fact. But minister had no rally about him; he was proper chop- fallen, and looked as dismal as if he had lost every friend that he had on airth. Why, minister, says I, what onder the sun is the matter of yoa? You and Captain Jack look as if you had had the cholera ; what makes you so dismal and your horse so thin ? what's out o* joint now? Nothin' gone wrong, I hope, since I left? Nothin' has gone right with me, Sam, of late, said he; I've been sorely tried with affliction, and my spirit is fairly humbled. I've been more in !.ied this day, my son, than I ever was afore in all my born days. Minis- ter, says I, I've gist one favour to ax o' you ; give me the sinner's name, and afore daybreak to^-morrow mornin' I'll bring him to a reck'nin and see how the balance stands. I'll kick him from here to Washington* and from Washington back to Slickville, and then I'll cow-skin him, till this ridin-whip is worn up to shoe strings, p..)d pitch him clean out o' the State. The infarnal villain I tell me vho he is, and if he war as big as all out-doors, I'd xizVK into him. I'll teach him the road to good manners, if he can save eyesight to see it, — hang me if I don't. I'dlfke no better fun, I vow. So gist shew me the man that darst insult you, and if he does so ag'in, I'll give you leave to tell me of it. Thank you, Sam, says he ; thank you, my boy, but it's beyond your help. It ain't a parsonal affront of that natur', but a spiritual affront. It ain't an affront offered to me as Joshua Hopewell, so much as an affront to the minister of Slickville. That is worse still, said I, because you can't resent it yourself. Leave him to me, and I'll fix his flint for him. It's a long story, Sam, and one to raise grief, but not anger; — you mustn't talk or think of fightin, it's not becomin a Christian man : but here's my poor habitation ; put up your horse and come in, and we'll talk this affair over by and by. Come in and see me, — for, sick as I 'am, both in body and mind, it will do me good. You was always a kind-hearted boy, Sam, and I'm glad to see the heart in the right place yet ;'— come in, my son. Well, when we got into the house, and sot down,— says I, minister, what the dickens was them two great roll's o' canvas for, I seed snugg'd up and tied to your cruppt^r ? You looked like a man who had taken his grist to mill, and was returnin with the bags for another ; what onder the sun had you in them ? I'll tell you, Sam, said he, — ^you know, said he, when you was to home, we had a State Tax for the support o' the church, and every man had to pay his share to some church or another. I mind, says I, quite well. Well, said he, the inimy of souls has been to work among us, and instigated folks to think this was too compulsory for a free people, and smelt too strong of establishments, and the legislatur' repealed the law; so now, instead o' havin a rigilar legal stipind, we have THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM. 141 right what they call the voluntary, — every man pays what he likes, when he likes, and to whom he likes, or if it don't convene him he pays nothin ;— ^lo you apprehend me? As clear as a boot-jack, says I ; nothin could be plainer, ana I suppose that some o' your factory people that make canvas havo giyen you a present of two rolls of it to make bags to hold your pay in? My breeches-pockets, says he, Sam, ashakin o' his head, I estimate, are big enough for that. No, Sam ; some subscribe and some don't. Some say, we'll give, but we'll not bind ourselves ; — and some say, we'll see about it. Well, I'm e'en a' most starved, and Captain Jack dpes look as poor as Job's turkey ; that's a fact. So I thought, as times was hard, I'd take the bags and get some oats for him, from some of my subscribin congregation ; — it would save them the cash, and suit me gist ds well as the blunt. Wherever I went, I might have fiH'd my bags with excuses, but I got no oats; — but that warn'tthe worst of it neither, they turn'd the tables on me and took me to task. A new thing that for me, I guess in my old age, to stand up to be catekised like a con varied. Heathen. Why don't you, says one, jine the Temperance Society, minister? Because, says I, there's no warrant for it in Scriptur', as I see. A Christian obligation to sobriety is, in my mind, afore aiiy engagement on honor. Can't think, says he, of payin' to a minister that coun- tenances drunkenness. Says another,— minister, do you smoke? Yes, says I, '" do sometimes : and 1 dont' care if I take a pipe along with you now;— it seems sociable like. Well, Says he, it's an abuse o' the critter, — ^a waste o* valuable time and an encouragement of slavery ; I don't pay to upholders of the slave system ; I go the whole figur' for abolition. One found me too Calvinistic, and anothei* too Armenian ; one objected to my praying for the President, — for^ he said, he was an everlastin' almighty rascal ;-^another to my wearin' a gowiv for it was too Popish. In short, I git nothio' but objections to a' most everything I do or say, and I see considerable plain my in- come is gone ; I may work for nothin' and find thread now, if I choose. The only one that paid me, cheated me. Says he, minister, I've been alookin' for you for some time past, to pay my contribution, and I laid by twenty dollars for you. Thank you, said I, friend, but that is more than your share; ten dollars, I think, is the amount of your 8u!)scription. Well, says he, I know that, but I like to do things handsLm, and he who gives to a minister lends to the Lord ; — but, says he, I'm afeer'd it won't turn out so much now, for the Bank has fail'd since. It's a pity you hadn't acall'd afore, but you must take the will for the ueod. And he handed me a roll of the Bubble Bank paper, that ain't worth a cent. Are you sure,- said I, that you put this aside for me when it was good? sartain, says he, I'll t4ke my oath of it. There's no 'casion for that, says I, my friend, nor for me to take more than my due neither ; — here are ten of them back again. I ■ U2 THE CLOCKMAKER. I hope you may not lose them altogether, as I fear I shall. But he cheated me, — I know he did. This is the blessin of the voluntary, as far as I'm consarned. Now, I'll tell you how it's agoin' to work upon them ; not through my agency tho', for I'd die Grst ;— afore I'd do a wrong thing to gain the whole universal world. But what are you doin' of, Sam, said he, acrackin' of that whip so? says he ; you'll e'en a' most deefen me. Atryin' of the spring of it, says I. The night afore I go down to Nova Scotia, I'll teach 'em Connecticut quickstep — I'll larn 'em to make somersets — I'll make 'em cut more capers than the caravan monkey ever could to save his soul alive, I know. I'll quilt 'em, as true as my name is Sam Slick ; and if they foUers me down east, I'll lam- baste them back a plaguy sight quicker than they came ; the nasty, dirty, mean, sneakin villains. I'll play them a voluntary — I'll fa la sol them to a jig tune, and show 'em how to count baker's dozen. Crack, crack, crack, that's the music, minister; crack, crack, crack, I'll set all Slickville ayelpin I I'm in trouble enough, Sam, says he, without addin that are to it ; don't quite break my heart, for such carryin's on would near about kill me. Let the poor d^ludid critters be, promise me now. Well, well, says I, if you say so, it shall be so;T-but I must say I long to be at 'em. But how is the voluntary agoin for to operate on them 7 Emitic, diuretic, or purgative, eh? I hope it will be all three, and turn them inside out, the ungrateful scoundrils, and yet not be gist strong enough to turn them back ag'in. Sam, you're an altered man, says he. « It appears to me the whole world is changed. Don't talk so on-Christian : we must forget and forgive. They will be the great- est sufferers themselves, poor critters, ha,vin destroyed the independ- ence of their minister, — their minister will pander to their vanity. He will be afeer'd to tell them unpalatable truths. Instead of tellin' 'em they are miserable sinners in need of repentance, he will tell 'em they are a great nation and a great people, will quote history more than the Bible, and give 'em orations not sarmons, encomiums and not censures. Presents, Sam, will bribe indulgence. The minister will he a dumb dog! It sarves 'em right, says I ; I don't care what becomes of them. I hope they wiH. be dumb dogs, for dumb dogs bite, and if they drive you mad, — a? 1 believe from my soul they will, — I hope you'll bite every one on 'em. But, says I, minister, talkin' jf presents, I've got one for you that's somethin like the thing, I know ; and I took out my pocket-book and gave him a hundred dollars. I hope I may be shot if 1 didn't. I felt so sorry for him. Who's this from? said he, smilin. From Alabama, said I ; but the giver told me not to mention his name. Well, said he, I'd arather he'd asent me a pound of good Virginy |)ig tail, because I could have TRAINING A CARRIBOO. 14S thank'd him for that, and not felt too much obligation. Presents of money injure both the giver and receiver ^ and destroy the equilibrium qf/riendshipt and diminish independence and self-respect : but it's all right; it will enable me to send neighbour Dearbourn's two sons to school. It will do good. 'Cute little fellers them, Sam, and will make considerable smart men, if they are properly seed to ; but the old gentleman, their father, is, like myself, nearly used up, and plaguy poor. Thinks I, if that's your sort, old gentleman, I wish I had my hundred dollars in my pocket-book ag'in, as snug as a bug^ U'^t^*.^' / in a rug, and neighbour Dearbourn's two sons might go and whistle for their schoolin'. Who the plague cares whether they haTe any larnin' or not? I'm sure I don't. It's the first of the voluntary sys- tem I've tried, and I'm sure it will be the last. Yes, yes, squire, the voluntary dont work well, — that^s a fact. Ahah has lost his soul to save his body, minister has lost his body to save his soul, and Fve lost my hundred dollars slap to save my feel- ins. The deuce take the voluntary, I say. i CHAPTER XXXVI. TRAINING A CARRIBOO. In the evening we sauntered out on the bank of the river, Mr. Slick taking his rifle with him, to shoot blue-winged duck, that often float up the Avon with the tide in great numbers. He made several shots with remarkable accuracy, but having no dogs we lost all the birds, but two, in the eddies of this rapid river. It was a delightful evening, and on our return we ascended the clifl'that overlooks the village and the surrounding country, and sat down on the projecting point of limestone rock, to enjoy the glories of the sunset. This evenin, said Mr. Slick, reminds me of one I spent the same way at Toronto, in Upper Canada, and of a conversation I had with a British traveller there. There was only himself and me at the inn, and havin nothin above partickilar to do, says I, 'spose we take the rifle and walk down by the lake this splendid afternoon; who knows but we might see somethin* or another to shoot? So ofl'we sot, and it was so cool and pleasant we stroll'd a considerable distance up the beach, which is like this, all limestone gravel, only cleaner and less sediment in it. When we got tired of the glare of the water, and a nasty yallor scum that was on it at that .season, we turned up a road that led into the woods. Why, says I, if there ain't a Garriboo, as I'm alive. Where? said he, seizin the riflo, and bringin it to his shoulder with ■WlIP^^ ^^WPUP 144 Tim CLOCKMAKER. (J great eagerness, — where is it? for heaven sake let me have a shot at it I 1 have long wish'd, said he, to have it to say, before I leave the province, that I had performed that foat of Jiillin a G.'irriboo. Oh, Lord 1 said I, throwin tip the point of the gun to prev3nt an ac- cident, Oh, Lord! it ain't one o* them are sort o' critters at all; it's a human Carriboo. It's a member, him that's in that are gig lookin as vise as a barber's block with a new wig on it. The Toronto folks call 'em Carriboos, 'cause they are ontamed wild critters from the woods, and come down in droves to the legislatur'. I guess he's a goin to spend the night to the hotel, where we be ; if he is, I'll bring him into our room and train him : you'll see what sort o' folks makes laws sometimes. I do believe, arter all, says I, this universal suiTrage will make universal fools of us all ;-*«it ain't one man in a thousand knows how to choose a horse, much less a member, and yet there are some standin rules about the horse, that most any ond can laro, if he'll give his mind to it. There's the mark o' mouth, — then there's the limbs, shape, make, and soundness of 'em ; the eye, the shoulder, and, above all, the action. It seems all plain enough, and yet it takes a considerable 'cute man to make a horse- jockey, and a little graih of the rogue too; for there is no mistake about the matter — you must lie a few to put 'em off well. Now, that's only the lowest grade of knowledge. It takes more skill yet to be a nigger-jockey. A nigger-jockey, said he; for heaven's sake, what is that? I never heerd the term afore, since I was a created sinner — I hope I may be shot if I did. Possible I said I, never heerd tell of a nigger-jockey ! My sakes, you must come to the states then ; — ^we'll put more wrinkles on your horns in a month there than you'll get in twenty years here, for these' critters don't know nothin. A nigger- jockey, sir, says I, is a gentleman that trades in niggers, — buys them in one state, and seNs them in another, where they arn't known. It's a beautiful science, is nigger flesh ; it's what the lawyers Call a liberal profession. Uncle Enoch made enough in one year's tradin in niggers to buy a splendid plantation ; but it ain't every one that's up to it. A man must have his eye teeth cut afore he takes up that trade, or he is apt to be let in for it himself, instead of putting a leake into others; that's a fact. Niggers don't shov; their age like white folk, and they are mosl; always older that they look. A little rest, ilein the joints, good feed, a clean shirt, a false tooth or two, and eJ^jdyin the wool black if it's got grey, keepin 'em close shav'd, and gist givin 'em a glass o* whiskey or two afore the sale to brighten up the eye, has pjt off many an old nigger of fifty-five for forty. It does more than trimmin and groomin a horse by a long chalk. Then if a man knows geography, he fixes on a spot in next state for meetin ag'in, slips a few dollars in Sambo's hand, and Sambo slips the halter off in the manger, meets massa there, and is sold a second time ag'in. i I !# TRAINING A CARRIBOO. 145 'V Wash the dye out, let the beard grow, and remove the tooth, and the devil himself couldn't swear to him ag'in. If it takes so tntteh knowledge to choose a Iwrse, or choose a nigger , what must it take to choose a member? — Who knows he won't give the people the slip as Sambo does the first master; ay, and look as different too, as a nigger does, when the dye rubs out, and his black wool looks white ag'in. Ah, squire, there are tricks in all trades, I do believe, except the clock trade. The nigger business, says I, is apt to get a man into court, too, as much as the horse trade, if he ,r . /i don't know the quirks of the law. I shall never forget a joke I pass — 'l^^^f, nd o(T once on a Southerner. I had been down to Charleston South Carr, where brother Siah is located as a lawyer, and drives a consi- derable business in that line. Well, one day as I was awalkin along out o' town, asmokin of my cigar, who should I meet but a poor old nigger, with a' most an almighty heavy load of pine- wood on his back, as much as he could cleverly stagger onder. Why, Sambo, said I, whose slave be you ? You've got a considerable of a heavy load there for a man of your years. Oh, massa, says he, Gor Ormighty bless > ^ you (and he laid down his load, and puttin one hand on his loins;.^ x ' and t'other on his thigh, he tried to straighten himself up). I free man now, I no longer slave no more. I purchased my freedom from Gineral Crockodile, him that keeps public at Mud Creek. Oh, massa, but him gineral took me interrible, by goshl Says he, Pompey, says he, you one werry good nigger, werry faithful nigger. I great opinion of you, Pompey; I make a man of you, you dam old tarbrush. I hope I may be skinned alive with wild cats if I don't. How much money you save, Pomp? Uunder dollars, say I. Well, says he, I will sell you your freedom for that are little sum. Oh, massa gineral, I said, I believe I lib and die wid you ; — what old man like me do now? I too old for freeman. O no, massa, leab poor old Pomp to die among de niggers. I tend young massa Gineral, and little missey Gineral, and teach 'em how to cow-skin de black villains. Oh, you smart man yet, he says, — quite sounds werry smart man, you airn a great deal o' money ; — I too great regard for you to keep you slave any longer. Well, he persuade me at last, and I buy freedom, and now I starve. I hab no one to take care of me now ; I old and good for nothin — I wish old Pomp very much dead ; — and he boohood right out like a child. Then he sold you to yourself, did he? said I. Yes, massa, said he, and here de paper and de bill ob sale. And he told you '^QXisound man yet? — True, massa, ebbcry word. Then, says I, come along with me, and 1 toatcd him along into Siah's of'^ fice. Sy, says, I, here's a job for you. Gineral Crockodile sold this poor old nigger to himself, and warrinted him sound wind and limb. , He cheated him like a cantin hypocritical sinner as l^o is, for he's -- - Joundered in his right foot, and ringboned on the left. Sue him on (y* 146 THE CLOGKMAKER. ^ )/ liis wariint'; — Ihero's some fun in't. — Fun, said Sy, I tell you it's a capital joko; and ho jump'd up and danced round his oflico a snap^ pin of his fingers, as if he wor bit by a galley-nipper. How it will comlUislrigrato old Sim lloter, the judge, won't it; I'll bambouslo him, I'll befogify his brain for him with warranties gcnerai, special, and implied, texts, notes, and comontries. I'll lead him a dance through civil law and common law, and statute law ; I'll read old Latin, old French, and old English to him ; I'll make !iis head turn like a mill-stone ; I'll make him stare like an owl, atryin to read by daylight, and ho larfed ready to kill himself. Sure enough ho did v.rfvi. ; (fwjjotlier hinfi; so agoin up from one court to another, that Crockodilo was glad to compound the matter to get clear of the joke, and paid old Pomp his hundred dollars back again ; that's a fact. In the course of the evenin Mr. Buck, the meml)er elect for the township of Flats in the Home district, came in, and I introduced him with much ceremony to the Britisher, agivin of him a wink at the same time, as much as to say, now I'll show you the way to train a Carriboo. Well, Squire Buck, said I, I vow I'm glad to see you; — how did you leave Mrs. Buck and all to home? — all well, I hope ? ttcasonable well, I give y^ou thanks, sir, said ho. And so they've elected you a member, Ih? Well, they wanted some honest men" among 'Im — that's a fact, and some onderstandin men too; how do you go, Tory or Radical? Oh, pop'lar side of course, said Mr. Buck. M'Kcnzio and Papinau have opon'd my eyes I tell you ; I had no notion afore our government was so rotten — I'm for elective councils, short parliaments, ballot, universal sufl'rage, and ag'in all officials. Right, said I, you are on the right side then, and no mistake. You've a ],lain path afore you ; go straight ahead, and there's no fear. I should like to do so, said he, but I don't onderstand these niatters enough, I'm afeerd, to probe 'Im to the bottom ; perhaps you 'II be so good as to advise me a little. I should like to talk over these things with you, as they say you are a considerable of an onderstandin man, and have seed a good deal of the world. Well, said I, nothin would .happify me more, I do assure you. Bo independant, that's the great , I thing ; be independant, that is, attack everything. First of all, thcro's tiic Church \ that's a grand Jarget, fire away at that till you -if- '*'' 'arc tired. Raise a prejudice if you ccm, and tlien make everything a Church question. But I'm a churchman myself, Mr. Slick; you )vouldn't have me attack my own church, would you? So much the /better, said I; it looks liberal; — true liberality, as far as my ex- "iperience goes, lies in praisin every other church, and abushi of your Soimi; it's only bigots that attack other folks' doctrine and tenets; no strong-minded, straight-a-hoad, right up and down man does Uhal. It shows a narrcr mind and narrcr heart that. But what fault isTTiorc with Jlic church? said he: they mind their own business, as things TRAININU A CARltlBOO. in js, as far as I sco, and lot other folks alone; they have no privilege here that 2 know on, that other sects ha'en't got. It's pop'lar talk among*^ some folks, and that's enough, said I. They are rich, and their clergy are learned and genteel, and there's a good roany envious people in the -world; — there's radicals in religion as well as in politics, that would like to see 'em all brought to a level. And then there's , church lands : talk about dividin them among other sects, givin them I to schools, and so on. There's no harm in robbin Peter if you pay, Paul with it — a fair exchange is no robbery, all the world over; thenl wind up with a Church tithe sale, and a military massacre of a poor^ dissentin old woman that was baganuted by bloody-minded sodg^r^' while tryin' to save her pig. It will make an alTcctin speech, draw/ tears from the gallery, and thunders of applause from the House ■' Then there's judges, another grand mark ; and councillors and rich men ; call 'em the little big men of a little colony, the would- be-aristocracy — the official gang — the favor'd few ; call them by their christian and surnames; John Den and Richard Fen ; turn up your noses at 'em like a horse's tail, that's double-nick'd. Salaries are a never-ending theme for you ; oflicials shouldn't be paid at all ; the honor is enough for 'em; a patriot sarves his country for nothin. Take some big salary for a text, and treat it this way : says you, there's John Doe's salary, it is seven hundred and thirty pounds a year, that is two pounds a day. Now, says you, that is sixteen common labourers' pay at two and sixpence each per day ; — shall it be said that one great mammoth official is worth sixteen free citizens who toil harder and fare worse than he does? then take his income for ten years and multiply it. See, says you, in ten years he has received the enormous sum of seven thousand five hundred pounds : then run over all the things seven thousand five hundred pounds would eflecton roads, bridges, schools, and so on, and charge him ,,, with havin been the means of robbin the country of all these bless--'^"'/'^;'*/ ins : call *em blood-suckers, pampered minions, blpated leeches.= >i'^>^'5 Then there's the college, says you; it's for the aristocracy, to keep up distinctions, to rivit our fetters, to make the rich richer, and the strong stronger; talk of native genius and self-taught artists, of natur's scholars, of homespun talent; it flatters the multitude this — it's pop'lar, you may depend. Call the troops mercenaries, vilo hire- lings, degraded slaves ; turn up your eyes to the ceiling and invoke defeat and slaughter on 'em; if they are to enforce the law, talk of standing armies, of slavery, of legionary tyrants,— call them forigners, vulturs thirsting for blood, — butchers,— every man killed in a row, or a mob, call a victim, a murdered man, — that's your sort, my darlin— go the whole hog, and do the thing genteel. Anything that / gives power to the masses will please tlie masses. If there was nothin to attack there would be no champions ; if there is no grievance you >i* .? 118 THE CLOCKMAKEIl a "Mist mako one : call all changes reform, whether it makes it hotter or not, — anything you want to alter, an abuse, call All that oppose you, call anti-reformers, upholders of abuses, bigots, syco|)hanfs, oHlco-sceking Tories. Say they live by corruption, by oppressin the people, and that's the reason they oppose all change. How streaked they'll look, won't they? It will make them scratch their heads and stare, I know. If there's any man you don't like, use your privilege and abuse him like old Scratch, — lash him like a nig- ger, cut him up beautiful — oh, it's a grand privilege that I Do this, and you'll be the speaker of the House, the first pot-hook on the crane, the truckle-head and cap-sheave — you will, I snore. Well, it does open a wide field, don't it, said Mr. Buck, for an ambitious man ? I vow, I believe I'll take your advice ; I like the idea amazin'ly. Lord, 1 wish I could talk like you, — you do trip it olT so glib — I 'II take your advice tho' — I will, I vow. Well, then, Mr. Buck, if you /Will really take my advice, rilgheit you, said I, free-gratis for f nothin. Be honest, be consistent, he temperate: he rather (lie ad- i cocate of internal improvement than political change; of rational j reform, hut not organic qlterations. JVeither flatter the moh, nor flatter the government ; support what is right, oppose what is wrong .- I what you think speak ; try to satisfy yourself, and not others ; and \ if you are not popular, you will at least he respected; popularity \1asts hut a day, respect will d^sccful as a heritage to your children. CHAPTER XXX\ H. NICK BRADSIIAW. •>',(.<-• la ;/■ u-y/r. We left Gasporeaux early in the morning, intending to breakfast at Kentville. The air was cool and bracing, and the sun, which had just risen, shed a lustre over the scenery of this beautiful and fertile valley, which gave it a fresh and glowing appearance. A splendid country this, squire, said the Clockmaker ; thatis a fact ; the Lord never made the beat of it. I wouldn't ax no better location in the farmin line than any of these allotments; grand grazin grounds and superfine tillage lands. A man that know'd what he was about might live like a fightin cock here, and no great scratchin for it^ neither. Do you see that are house on that risin hummock to the y.^' Tight there? Well, gist look at it, that's what I call about right. Flanked on both sides by an orchard of best-grafted fruit, a tidy little clever flower-garden in front, that the galls see to, and a'most a grand sarce garden over the road there sheltered by them are wil- lows. At tho back side see them ever-lastin big barns; and, by NICK DRADSHAW. Ul) krast had rtilo ndid ord the and )OUt )r it the ght. gosh! there goes the dairy cows; a pretty sight loo, that fourteen of them marchin Indgian file after inilkin', down tothat mCu niedder. Whenever you see a place all snuged up and luokin like that are, depend on it the folks are honeysuckle, and rose-bushes shew the family are brought up right ; somethin to do to home, instead of racin about to quiltin parties, huskin frolicks, gossipin, talkin scandal, and ncglectin their business. Them little matters are like throwin up straws, they shew which way the wind is. When galls attend to them are things, it shows they are what our minister used to call, ' right-minded.' It keeps them busy, and when folks are busy, they ha'n't time to get into mischief; and it amuses them too, and it keeps the dear Uttle critters healthy and cheerful, 1 believe I'll alight and breakfast there, if you've no objection. I should like you to see that citizen's improvements, and he's a plaguy nice man too, and will be proud to see you, you may depend. Wo accordingly drove up to the door, where wo were met by Squire James Horton, a respectable, intelligent, cheerful-looking man, apparently of about fifty years of age. lie received me with all the ease and warmth of a man to whom hospitaUty was habitual and agreeable, — thanked Mr. Slick for bringing me to see him, and observed that he was a plain farmer, and lived without any preten- tions to be other than he was, and that he always felt pleased and gratified to see any stranger who would do him the favor to call upon him, and would accommodate himself to the plain fare of a plain countryman. He said, he lived out of the world, and the con- versations of strangers was often instructive, and always acceptable to him. He then conducted us .into the house, and introduced us to his wife and daughters, two very handsome and extremely inte- resting girls, who had just returned from superintending the ope- rations of the dairy. I was particularly struck with the extreme neatness and propriety of their attire, plain and suitable to their morning occupations, but scrupulously nice in its appearance. As the clock struck seven (a wooden clock, to which Mr. Slick looked with evident satisfaction as a proof of his previous acquain- tance), the family were summoned, and Mr. Horton addressed a short but very appropriate prayer to the Throne of Grace, rendering the tribute of a grateful heart for the numerous blessings with which he was surrounded, and supplicating a continuance of divine favour. There was something touching in the simplicity and fervour of his devotion, while there was a total absence of that familiar tone of address so common in America, which, often bordering on profanity, shocks and disgusts those who have been accustomed to the more decorous and respectful language of our beautiful liturgy. Breakfast was soon announced, and we sat down to an excellent and substantial repast, everything abundant and good of its kind. * I ll| ||.L_ l f JtJL *ll IM THE CLOCKMAKBIt. }X Mj 7 ■ao S-i " f i- i Ollr ^' ;/- — and the wholo proparoU with a neatness that bespoke a wcll-rogu- lotcd and orderly family. Wo wore then conducted round the farm, and admired the method, regularity, and good order of the establish- ment. I guess this might compare with any of your English farms, said the Clockmakcr ; it looks pretty considerable slick this — don't it? Wo have great advantages in this country, said Mr. Ilor- ton; our soil is naturally good, and wo have such an abundance of salt sludge on the banks of the rivers, that we are enabled to put our uplands in the highest state of cultivation. Industry and eco- nomy can accomplish anything here. We have not only good mar- kets, but we enjoy an almost total exemption from taxation. Wohavo a mild and paternal government, our laws are well and impartially administered, and wo enjoy as much personal freedom as is consistent with the peace and good order of society. God grant it may long con- tinue so I and that we may render ourselves worthy of these blessings, by yielding the homage of grateful hearts to the Great Author and Giver of all good things. A bell ringing at the house at this time, reminded us that we were probably interfering with some of his arrangements, and we took leave of qur kind host, and proceeded on our journey, strongly impressed with those feelings which a scene of domestic happiness and rural felicity like this never fails to inspire. We had not driven more than two or three miles before Mr. Slick suddenly checked his hors'e, and pointing to a farm on the right-hand side of the road, said, Now there is a contrast for you, with a ven- geance. That critter, said he, when he built that wraek of a house (they call 'em a half-house here) , intended to add as much more to it some of these days, and accordingly put his chimbley out-side, to sarvc the new part as well as the old. He has been too lazy, you see, to remove the bankin put there, the first fall, to keep the frost o^t o' the cellar, and it has rotted the sHls off, and the liouso has fell away from the chimbley, and he has had to prop it up with that great stick of timber, to keep it from coming down on its knees altogether. All the winders are boarded up but one, and that has all the glass broke out. Look at the barn ! — the roof has fell in ii the middle, and the two gables stand starin each other in the face, and as if they would like to come closer together if they could, and consult what was best to be done. Them old geese and velrcn fowls, that are so poor the foxes won't steal 'em for fear o' hurtin their eoth, — that little yallor, liintcrn'jaw'd, long-legg'd, rabbit-eaicd runt of a pig, that's so weak it can't curl its tail up, — that old iVamo olu crow, aslandin tlicre wilh its eyes shot-to, acontemplatin of its lat- ter eoiul, — and that varminl-lookin horse wilh his hocks swelled bigger than his belly, that looks as if he had come to her funeral, — is all his stook, I guess. The ^oncy has showed his sense in one thJMcr. however, ho hai burnt all his fence up ; for (here if; \w 'Jaufrui. McK HUADSIIAW. Hil of ulhor folks' calllo broakin into his iicid to slarve, .iiul giscs liis Old Mooloy a chance o' nights if she find an open gale, or a pairdf *y2/ '" , bars down, to got a Irjjat of olcycr now and then. O dear, if you- a- »^A^ was to got up airly of a mornin, aforo the dew was olT the ground, and mow that are field with a razor, and rako it with a fine-tooth comb, you wouldn't get stulT enough to keep one grasshopper through the winter, if you was to bo hanged for it. ' Spose wo drive up to the door to light a cigar; if NickBradshawis to home, I should like to have a little chat with him. It's worth knowin kow he can farm with so little labour; for anything that saves labour in this country, whoro help is so plaguy dear, is worth larnin, you may depend. Observing us pause and point towards his domain, Nicholas lifted oil' the door and laid it on its side, and, emerging from his den of dirt and smoke, stood awhile reconnoitring us. He was a tall, well-built, athletic-looking man, possessed of great personal strength and surpris- ing activity, but looked like a good-natured, careless fellow, who loved talking and smoking better than work, and preferred the plea- sures of the tap-room to the labours of the field. Ho thinks we want his vote, said the Clockmaker. He's looking as big as all out-doors, gist now, and waitin for us to come to him. lie wouldn't condescend to call the king his cousin gist at this present time. It's independant day with him, I calculate; happy-lookin critter, too, ain't ho, with that are little, short, black pipe in his mouth? The fact is, squire, the moment a man takes to a pipe he becomes a philosifer ; — it's the poor man's friend; it calms the mind, soothes the temper, and makes a man patient onder trouble. It has made more good men, good husbands, kind masters, indulgent fathers, and honest fellers, than r.ny other blessed thing in this universal world. The Indgians always buried a pipe and a skin of tobacco with their folks, in case smokia should be the fashion in the next world, that they mightn't go onpro-,A,> vided. Gist look at him: his hat has got no crown in it, and tho f/\' rin hangs loose by the side, like tho bale of a bucket. His trousers * ana jacket arc all flyin in tatters of different colour'd patches. He has one old shoe on one foot, and an ontanned mocasin on t'other. Ho ain't 1 i his beard cut since last shccp-shearin, and he looks as shjiggy as a yearlin colt. And yet you see the critter has a raki.«A - look too. That are old hat is cocked on one side quite knowi'> ^^^ has both hands in i\is trousers'-pockets, as if he had somethi* worth feclin there, while one eye shot-to on account of the smo-^^* ^"^ tl>o ather standin' out of the way of it as far as it can, ^.a^cs him look like a bit of a wsc . A man that didn't ^moko coi^^tln't do that now, squire. You may talk about fortitude, and p?tience, and Christian resignation, and ..11 that arc sort of thing, VH you're tired; I've seen it and hccrd tell of it too, but I never knov. an instance yet where it vlidn'tcomo a liUlc srain-heaw or sour out of the oven. Philosophy //, — rtrx O . 158 THE CLOCKMAKER. /is like most other guests I've seed, it likes to visit them as keeps good / tables, and though it has some poor acquaintances, itain*t more nor j half pleased to be seen \valkin lock and lock with 'em. Butsmokin / Here he comes, tho', I swan ; he knows Old Clay, I reckon : ho sees it ain't the candidate chap. This discovery dispelled the important airs of Nicholas, and taking tho pipe out of his mouth, he retreated a pace or two, and took a running leap ui ten or twelve feet across a stagnant pool of green. ^C>* s^ water that graced his lawn, and served the double purpose of rearing 7 "" goslins and breeding moschetoes, and by repeating these feats of agi- lity on the grass several times (as if to keep himself in practice] , was t)y the side of the waggon in a few minutes. Mornin, Mr. Bradshaw, said the Glockraaker ; how's all to home to-day? Reasonable well, I give you thanks: — won't you alight? Thankyou, ! gist stopt to light a cigar. — I'll bring you a bit o' fire, said Nick, in the twinklin of an eye; and bounding off to the house wifh similar gigantic strides, he was out of sight in a moment. Hsppy, good-natured citizen that, you see, squire, said Mr. Slick, he ha n't been fool enough to stiffen himself by hard work neither ; for you see he is as supple a^ an eel. The critter can jump like a cata- nount, and run like a deer; he'd catch a fox a' most, that chap. Presently out bounded Nick in the same antelope style, waving over his head a lighted brand of three or four feet long. Here it is, said he, but you must be quick, for this soft green wood won't hold fire in no time— it goes right out. It's like my old house there, and that's so rotten it won't hold a nail now ; after you drive one in you can pull it out with your finger. How are you otffor tobacco? said Mr. Slick. Grand, said he, got half a fig left yet. Get it for you in a minit, and the old ladies' pipe too, and without waiting for a reply, was curvetting again off to the house. That gony, said the Clock- maker, islike a gun that goes off at half cock — there's nodoin nothin with him. I didn't want his backey, I only wantea an excuse to give him some ; but it's a strange thing that, squire, bwt it's as sure /as rates, the poor are every where more liberal, more obli^/in, and I more hospitable, aceordin to their means, than the rich are .• they f ^eat them all hollar, — its a fact, I assure you. "Vhen he returned, Mr. Slick told him that he was so spry, he was OM; of hearing before he could stop him ; that he didn't require any himsof^ but was going to offer him a fig of first chop genuine stuff he had. Tihank you, said he, as he look it, and put it to his nose ; —it has the rig.t flavour that— rather weak for me, tho'. I'm thinking it'll gist suit the old lady. She smokes a good deal now for tho cramp in her leg. Sht^g troubled with the cramp sometimes, away down some where about the calf, and smokin, they say, is good for it. He then took tho tobacco very scientifically between the forefinger NICK BRADSHAW. 15» taking took a was away and tli^^inb of his Icl't hand, and cut it into small shreds that fell into the pain. Then holding both knife and fig between his teeth, he rolled, untwisted, and pulverised the cut tobacco by rubbing and grind- ing it between his two hands, and refilled and lighted his pipe, and l)ronouncing the tobacco a prime article, looked the very picture of happiness. How's crops in a general way this year? said Mr. Slick. Wei!, they are just about midlin, said he; the seasons han't been very good lately, and somehow the land don't bear as it used to when I was a boy ; but I'm in great hopes times are goin to be better now. They say things look brighter ; I feel a good deal encouraged myself. They tell me the governor's agoin to appoint a new council ; I guess, they'll do sun'thin for the country. Ah, said the Clockmaker. that indeed, that would be sun'thin like, — it would make times quite brisk ag'in — farmers could aflbrd to live then. U would raise markets considerable. Sol see in the papers, said Nick : the fact o* the matter is, the assembly men must do sun'thin for the coantry, or it will go to the dogs, that's sartain. They tell me too that the council doors are to be opened, so that we can hear the debates; — that will be a great privilege, won't it? Very, said the Clockmaker, it will help the farmers amazin'ly that : I should count that a great matter ; they must be worth hearin them counsellors. It's, quite a treat to hear the members in the house, particularly when they talk about bankin, currency, constitution, bounties, and such tough knotty things; — they go so deep into these matters, and know so much about 'em, it's quite edifyin. I've larnt more new things, and more things I niver knew afore, in half an hour in the assembly, than ever I heerd afore in my life, and I expect t'other house will be quite as wise. Well, I'm glad to hear you say so, said Nicholas; I feel somehow quite encouraged myself: if we had a bounty of about a shilling ti bushel for raisin potatoes, two and sixpence a bushel for wheat, f.rid fifteen pence for oats, 1 think a body tnight have a chance to make out to scratch along to live here ; and I'm told when the council doors arc opened, we shall actually get them. I must say, Tfeel quite encouraged myself. But stop, said he, laying his hand on Mr. Slick, do you see that are varmint alookin'arter the old lady's chickins over there by the barn? I had a crack at him yesterday, but he was too far otT— wait a bit ; and he scampered oil to the house, brought out his gun, which had been previously loaded, and throwing himself on all fours, proceeded towards the barn as rapidly as a quad- ruped. Stop, stop, daddy, said a little half-naked imp of a boy, stop till I get my cock-shy. Well, bear a hand then, said he, or he'll be off: I won't wait a minit. The boy darted into the house, and returned in an instant with a short round hard wood club in his hand, and throwing himself in thi> same posture, thrust his head under the skirts of his father's coat, ■ A 154 THE CLOCK MAKER. and crawled after him, between Ids legs, the two appearing like one long monstrous reptile. The hawk, observing this unusual motion^ rose higher in the air, as ho slowly sailed round the building; but Nicholas, not liking to be balked of his shot, fired at a venture, and fortunately broke his wing. Stop, daddy, said the boy, recovering his foot, stop, daddy, it's my turn now ; and follow ing the bird, that fled with inconceivable rapidity, like an ostrich, half running, half flying, threw his cock-shy at him with unerring aim, and killed him. Ain't he a whopper, daddy ! said ho. See! and he stretched out his wings to their full extent — he's a sneezer, ain't he? I'll show him to mammy, I guess, and olTho ran to the house to exhibit his prize. — Make a smart man that, said Nick, regarding his boy, as he car- ried olT the bird, with looks of entire satisfaction ; make a consider- able of a smart man that, if the assembly men would only give us a chance; but I feel quUc encourm/ed now. I think we shall have a good brood of chickens this year, now that thievin' rascal has got liis flint fixt; and if them throe regiments come to Halifax that's talked of this winter, poultry will fetch a' most a grand price, that's sartain. It appears to me there's a hawk, or a wild cat, or a fox, or^a lawyer, or a constable, or a somt^thin or another for cverlastin'ly a botherin of a poor man ;■ but I feel ijiiiU' encouraged now. I never seed that critter yet, said the Clockmakcr, that he didn't say he felt 'quite encouraged;' he's always lookin for the Assembly to do great things for him, and every year feels 'quite encouraged' they will do sun' thin at the next session that will make his fortin. / wonder iffoUis will ecer lam that politicks arc the seed mentioned i in Scriptur" that fell hif the road-side^ and the fowls came a7id picked them itp. Thetf dont benefit the farmer, hut they feed tJwm hungry hirds, — the part If leaders. f.'l^«,4>*> The bane of this country, squire, and indeed of all America, is '.II*. /ah havin' too much land ; they run over more ground than they can cul- tivate, and crop the land so severely that they run it out. A very large portion of land in America has been run out by repeated grain crops, and when you add that to land naturally too poor to •)ear grain, or too broken for cultivation, you will find this great country in a fair way to he ruined. The Stat(; of Varnionl has nothin like the exports it used to have, and a plaguy sii;ht of the young folks come down to Iloston to hire out as h(>]ps. The two Caroiinas aisd Varginia are covcn-ed with places that have loon given up as ruined, ant! numy other Slates, ^^'e liav'n't llie surplus of Vvhoat and grain we usod lo have in the I -iiitcd Slates, and il iiever wii; >o so plenty again. Thai's the reason you hear of folks doariu land, niakiu a farm, and scUin oil afiain and goin farther into «!i(« Imsli. They've exUausteil il, and f'lid t( easier to chiar now jant'-:" than lo rosloro tlir old. NICK BIIADSIUW. 155 A groal dual of Nova Scotia is run out, and if it warn't for liio lime, marsh-mud, sca-wced, salt-sand, and what not, they've got here in such quantities, there'd bo no euro for it. It takes good farmin to keep an upland location in order, I tell you, and make it sustain it- self. It takes more too to fetch a farm that's had the gizzard taken out of it, than it's worth. It actilly frightens me, when I think your agriculture in Britain is progressin, and the land better tilled every day, while thousands upon thousands of acres with us, arc turned into barrens. No traveller as I've seed has noticed this, and our folks are not aware of it themselves to the extent of the evil. Squire, you and I won't live to sec it; but if this awful robbin' of posterity goes on for another century as it has progressed for the last hundred years, we'll be a nation of paupers. Very little land in America, even of the best, will carry more than one crop of wheat arter it's clcar'd afore it wants manure ; and where it's clear'd so fast, wherc's the manure to oomc from? — it puzzles me (and I won't turn my back on any man in the farmin line) — the Lord knows, for I don't; but if there's a thing that scares me, it's this. Hullo ! hullo ! — said a voice behind us, and when wo turned to look from whence it came, wc saw Nicholas runniiig and leaping over the fences of his neighbours like a greyhound. Stop a minit, said he, I want to speak to you. I feel quite encouraged since I seen you; there's one question I forgot to ask you, Mr. Slick, for I should like amazin'ly to have your opinion. Who do you go for? I go for the Squire, said he ; Tm a agoin for to go round the sea-coast with him. I don't mean that at all, said he; — whodoyou go for in the election? There's to be a poll a Monday to Kentville ; and Aylcsford and Gas- peraux arc up ; wjio do you go for? 1 don't go for cither of'cm ; I wouldn't give a chaw of tobakcy for both on'om : what is it to mc who goes? Well, I don't suppose it is, but it's a great mattci- to us ; who would you advise mc to vote for? Who is agoin for lo do the most good for you? Aylcsford. Who promises the most? Aylcsford. Vote lor t'other one then, for I never seed or hccrd tell oL a foliar yet, that was very ready with promises, Ihat warii't <|i!i(c as ready fo break them when it suited his purpoio; and if Aylcsford comes abothcrin of you, call out lilllo Nick with \\\s ' cock-shy,' and let him lake a shot at him. Any ciil'icr that finds out all fhc world arc rogues, and tells of the great lliinfis he's agoin for to do, ;;iiicially overlooks the higii;cst rogue of all, and that's liim- sc'ir. Oh! (liispcraiix for ever! he's the man for yonr money, and iiu niiftUikc. Well, said Niclutlas, I hclievc you're ha!l'ri;^hl. Aylcs- worth did promise a shillin a bushel bounty on potatoes tho', hut I liolicvehe lied aflcrall. I'll lake you> advice, — fj'ccl qu'ilt> encoin (if/ed ito)r. If you'd like a coal lo li^hl youi cii^ar by, said he, I'll slej) in hcic aiul uct you one. Thaitk juu, said Mr. Slick; I have no occa- 156 THE CLOCKMAKEU. f Ii ll 1 1 (fill m sioii for one gist now. Well, I believe I'll drop in and light a |iipu there myself then, anyhow. Good-bye — I/eel quite cncourof/edmm'. Oh dear ! said the Clockmaker, what a good-natered, good-for- noihin simple toad that is. I suppose when the sheriiT takes the vote of such crittersy he flatters himself ho takes the sense of the county. What a diflerence atween him and Hortonl The one is a lazy, idle critter, wanderin about talkin politics, or snaring rabbits, catchin eels, or shootin hawks, and neglectin his work, and a pretty keltlo of fish he's made of it. The other, a careful, steadygoin, industrious man, that leaves politics to them as like dabblin inJ^ troubled waters, and attends steadily to his business, and he's a credit '^::* to his counlrv. '>t!yklv/* , Yes, too much land is the ruin of us all this side o' the water. Afore f went to England I used to think that the onequal divisions of property there, and the system of landlord and tenant, was a curse to the country, and that there was more dignity and froedom to the individual, and more benefit to the nation, for every man to own the land he cultivated, as with us. But I've changed my mind; I sec it's the cause of the high state of cultivation in England, and the pros- perity of its agriculture. If the great men had the land in their own hands there, every now and then an improvident one would skin the soil, and run it out ; bein let to others he can't do it himself, and he takes plaguy good care by his lease his tenant shan't do it neither. Well then, there he is, with his capital to make great improve- ments, substantial repairs, and so on, and things are pushed up to perfection. In Nova Scotia there are hundreds and thousands that would be better olTas tenants, if they would but only think so. When a chap sytends all his money in buying lands, and mortgages them to pay the rest of the price, he ain't able to stock his farm, and work it properly ; and he labours like a nigger all his life, and dies poor at last, while the land gets run out in his hands, and is no good for ever after. Now if he was to hire the farm, the money that he paid for the purchase would stock it complete, enable him to hire labor, — to wait for markets, — to buy up cattle cheap, and to sell them to ad- vantage. He'd make money hand over hand, while he'd throw the cost of all repairs and improvements on theowne^ . But you might talk till you were grey-headed, and you wouldn't persuade folks of that in this country. The glorious privilege of having a vote, to give to .some goney of a member, carries the day. Well may they call it a dear privilege that, for it keeps them poor to their dyin day. No, esquire, your system of ladloid. and tenant is the best for the farmer, and the best for the nat'on. There never can be o high state of ge- neral cultivation without it. Agriculture wanis the labour of the farmer and the money of the capitalist,— both must go hand in hatul » ni« bi^ ad^ I'l is it exll saj ^^- ■ ;.^.-f TRAVELLING IN AMERICA. 157 When it is left to llic farmer alone, it must dwindle for want of means, — and llic country must owindle too. A nation, even if it is is l)ig as ourgreatone, if it has no general system of landlord and tenant ado|»ted in it, must run out. Wo are ondcrgoin that process now. I'm most plaguy afeerd we shall run out; that's a fact. A country is but a large estate at best ; — and if it is badly till'd and hard cropped, it must, ir the ccnd, present the melancholy spectacle of a great exhausted farm. 1\\dX s quite encouragin now, as Nick Bradjhaw says,— ain't it? CHAPTER XXXVm. TRAVELLING IN AMERICA. Did you ever drink any Thames water, squire? said the Clock- maker ; because it is one of the greatest nateral curiosities in the world. When I returned from Poland, in the hair spekelation, I sailed from London, and we had Thames water on board. Says [ to the captain, says I, I guess you want to pyson us, don't you, with that are nasty, dirty, horrid stuff? how can you think o' takiii such water as that? Why, says he, Mr. Slick, it does make the , best water in the warld — that's a fact; yes, and the best porter too; — it farments, works off the scum, clariPes itself, and beats all na- ^ lur' ; — and yet look at all them are sewers, and. drains, and dyo P stuffs, and factory-wash, and onmentionables that are poured into it ; — it beats the bugs, don't it? Well, squire, our great country is like ^ that are Thames water, — it does receive the outporins of the world, — homicides and regicides, — ^jail birds and galley-birds, — poorhouse chaps and workhouse chaps, — rebels, infidels, and forgers, — rogues of all sorts, sizes, and degrees,— but it farments, you see, and works clear; and what a' most a beautiful clear stream o' democracy it docs make, — don't it ? Not hot enough for fog, nor cold enough for ice, nor limex enough to fur up the bylers, nor too hard to wash clean, nor raw enough to chop the skin, — but gist the thing ; that's a fact. I wish to gracious you'd come and see for yourself. I'd go with you and cost you iiothin. I'd take a prospectus of a new work and get subscribers; take a pattern book of the Lowell factories for orders; and spikilatea little by the way, so as to clear my shot wherever we went. You must see for yourself, — you can't lam nothin from books. I've read all the travels in America, an*^ there ain't one that's worth a cent. They don't understand us. They remind me of a lawyer examinin of a witness; he don't want either the truth, the whole truth, or uothln but the truth, but he wants to pick out of him • A^' ir,H THE CLOCKMAKER. I' 'f'i gist so much as will prove his case, d'yo sec, and would like him to keep dark about the rest; puts artful questions to him on purpose to £;et an answer to suit him ; stops him when he talks too fast, leads him when he goes too slow, praises his own witnesses sky high, and abuses the other side for lyin, equivocatin,parjured viUains. That's gist the case with English travellers; instead of lookin all round and scein into things first, and then comin to an opinion, they make up their minds afore they come, and then look for facts to support their views. First comes a great high tory, and a republic \ smells so bad in his nostrils, he's got his nose curl'd up like a pug- ; nose dog all thro' his journey. He sees no established church, and '. swears there's no religion ; and he sees no livery helps, and he says it's all vulgar; and if ho sees a citizen spit, he jumps a one side as scared as if it were a rifle agoin ofl". Then comes a radical (and them English radicals are cantankerous-lookin critters — that's a fact), — as sour as vinegar, and lookin as cross and as hungry as a bear gist starved out in the spring, and they say we have the slavery of opinion here; that our preachers want moral courage, and that our great cities are cursed with the aristocracy of wealth. There is no pleasin either on 'cm. Then come what minister used to call the Optimists, a set of folks who talk you dccf about the perfectibility of human natur' ; that men, like caterpillars, will all turn into beau- tiful critters with wings like butterflies, — a sort of grub angels;— that our great nation is a paradise, and our folks gist agettin' out o' the chrysolis state into somethin divine. I seldom or never talk to none o' them« unless it be to bam 'cm. They think they know everything, and all they got to do is, to up Hudson like a shot, into the lakes full split, ofl'to Mississippi and down to New Orlecns full chisel, back to New York and up Killock, and home in a liner, and write a book. They have a whole stock of notes. Spittin — gougin, — lynchin, — burnin alive, — steam boats blowcd up, — snags, — slavery, — stealin, — Texas, — state prisons,— men talk slow, — women talk loud,— both walk fast, — chat in steam- boats and stage coaches, — anecdotes, — and so on. Then out comes a book. If it's a tory writes it, then the tory papers say it's the best pictur' they have seen ; — lively, interestin, intelligent. Tf a radical, then radical papers says it's a very philosophical work (when- over a feller gets over his head in it, and cruel unintelUgible, he's deep in philosophy, that chap), statesmanlike view, able work, throws great light on the politics of the day. I wouldn't give a chaw of tobackcy for the books of all of 'cm tied up and put into a meal-bag together. Our folks sarve 'em as the Endgians used to sarve the gulls down to Squantum in old pilgrim times. The cunnin critters used to make a sort o' fish flakes, and catch hcrrin and torn cods, and such iort o' at ai i !■•■ " n TRAVELLING IN AMERICA. lau down make oit o' lisli, and put 'cm on the flakes, and then crawl ondcr themselves, and as soon as the gulls lighted to cat the fish, catch hold o* their legs and pull 'em thro'. Arter that, whenever a feller was made a fool on and took in, they used to say ho was gulled. Well, if our folks don't gull them British travellers, its a pity. They do make proper fools on 'cm ; that's a fact. Year afore last, I met an English gall atravellin in a steam-boat; she had a French name that I can't recollect, tho' I got it on the tip o' my tongue too ; you know who I mean — she wrote books on economy, — not domestic economy, as galls ought, but on political economy, as galls oughtn't for they don't know nothin about it. She had a trumpet in her hand, — thinks I, who on airth is she agoin to hail, or is she agoin to try echoes on the river ? I watched her for some time, and I found it was an ear trumpet. Well, well, says I, that's onlike most English travellers any way, lor in a gineral way they wear magnifying glasses, and do enlarge things so, a body don't know 'em ag'in when he sees 'cm. Now, this gall won't hear one half that's said, and will get that half wrong, and so it turned out. Says she to mo, Beautiful country this, Mr. Slick; says she, J'm transported. Transported, said I, why, what onder tho sun did you do to home to get transported? — but she larfed right out like any thing; delighted. I mean, said she, it's so beautiful. It is splendid, said I, no doubt; there ain't the beat of it to be found anywhere. Oh ! said she, what views, what scenery, what woods, what a river I how I should like to soar away up with that arc eagle into the blue sky, and see all its beauties spread out afore me like a map I How grand — every thing is on a grand scale I Have you seen the Kentuckians? said I. Not yet, said she. Stop then, said I, till you see tliem. They are on a scale that will please you, I guess ; whopping big fellows them, I tell you ; half horse, half alligator, with a touch of the airthquake. I wasn't atalkin of the men, said she, 'tis the beauties of natur' I was admirin. Well, said I, once on a time I used to admire the beauties of natur (00, but I got cured of that. Sit down on this bench, said she, and tell me how it was ; — these kind o' anecdotes serve to illustrate tho ' moral of feclin.' Thinks I, this is philosophy now, ' moral of fcclini' Well, if tho moschetoes don't illustrate your moral of feelin for you, some of these nights, I'm mistaken. Very immoral fellows those 'skeeters. Well, said I, my first tower in the clock trade was up Canada way, and I was the first ever went up Huron with clocks. When I reached our fort, at Gratiot, who did I find there as commander of the party, but the son of an old American hero, a sargcant at Bun- ker's Hill. Well, bcin tho son of an old veteran hero myself, it made quite a fellowship atwcou us, likt.'. He bought a clock o' me, ItiO THE CLOCKMAKER. ' I- i i and invited mc to stay with him till a vcssol arrived for Michigan. Well, in the afternoon, wo went for to take tea with a gentleman that had settled near the fort, and things were sot out in an arbor, sur- rounded with honeysuckle, and Isabella grape, and whatnot; there was a view of the fort from it, and that elegant lake and endless forest; it was lovely — that's a fact; and the birds flocked round the place, lighted on it, and sung so sweet, — I thought it was the most romantic thing I ever seed since I was a created sinner. So said I to his wife (a German lady from one of the emigrant ships), I prefer, said I, your band of birds to the Bowery band of New York, by a long chalk; it's natures music, it's most delightful, it's splendid! Furder ofl", said she, I like 'em more better hash nearer; for the nasty, dirty tivils they dirt in the tay and de shnkcr ; look there, said she, that's de tird cup now spilte. Lord, it make mc sick ! I never had any romance in me arter that. Here the English gall turned round and looked at mc for a space quite hard. Said she, yon are a humorous people, Mr. Slick; you resemble the Irish very much, — you remind me greatly of that lively, light-hearted, agreeable people. Thank you, said I, marm, for that compliment; we are ginierally thought to resemble each other very much, both in looks and dress; there's often great mistakes made when they first land from the likeness. Arter a considerable of a pause, she said, This must be a religious country, said she, ain't it? for religion is the * highest fact in man's right, and the root of all democracy.' If religion is the root of de- mocracy, said I, it bears some strange fruit sometimes, as the man said of the pine tree the five gamblers were lynched up to at Vixburg. I'm glad to see, saii] she, you have no establishment — it's an incubus — a dead weight — a nightmare. I ain't able, said I ; T cant aflbrd it no how; and besides, said I, I can't get no one to have me. Them that I would have won't have me, and them that would have me, the devil wouldn't have, so I don't see as I'm like to be troubled with a nightmare for one while. I dont mean that, said she, laugh' in; I mean an Established Church. Oh! an Established Church, said I; now I understand; but when I hear ladies talk of establish- ments, I always think they have matrimony in their heads. The truth is, squire, I don't like to hear English people come out here, and abuse their church ; they've got a church and throve under it, and a national character under it, for honor and upright dealin, such as no other people in Europe have : indeed, I could tell you of some folks who have to call their goods English to get them ofl" in a foreign land at all. The name sells 'em. You may boast of this tree or that tree, and call 'em this dictionary name, and that new-fangled name, hut give me tlie tree that hears the hest fruit, I say. A church must be paid, and the mode don't much signify ; at any TRAVELLING IN AMERICA. 101 rate, it ain't for them to abuse it, the' other folks may choose to copy it, or let it alone, as it convenes them. Your people, said she,: are in advance of the clergy; your ministers are half men, half women, with a touch of the noodle. You'd be better without 'em; their pa- rochial visits do more harm than good. In that last remark, said 1, 1 concur; for if there's a gall in their vicinity, with a good fortin, they'll snap her up at once; a feller has no chance with 'em. One 'on them did brother Eldad out of one hundred thousand dollars that way. I don't speak o' that, said she, rather short like; but Ihcy hav'n't moral courage. They are not bold shepherds, but timid sheep; they don't preach abolition, they don't meddle with public rights. As to that, said I, they don't think it right to hasten on the crisis, to preach up a servile war, to encourage the blacks to cut their masters' throats; they think it a dangerous subject anyway; and besides, said I, they have scruples o' conscience if they ought to stir in it at all. These matters are state rights, or state wrongs, if you please, and our Northern States have no more right to inter- fere in 'em than they have to interfere in the alTairs of any other in- dependent soverign state in Europe. So I don't blame ministers much for that, arter all, — so come now. In England, says I, you maintain that they ought not to meddle with pubHc rights, and call 'em political priests, and all that sort o' thing, and here you abuse 'em for not mcddlin with 'em ; call 'em cowards, dumb dogs, slaves to public opinion, and what not. There's no pleasin some folks. As to religion, says I, bein the 'root of democracy,' it's the root of monarchy too, and all governments, or ought to be ; and there ain't that wide difference arter all atween the two countries some folks think on. Government here, both in theory and practice, re- sides witli the people ; and religion is under the care of the rael go- vernment. With you, government is in the executive, and religion is in the hands of the government there. Church and state arc to a sartain extent connected therefore in both. The difference with us is, we don't prefer one and establish it, and don't render its support compulsory. Better, perhaps, if we did, for it burns pretty near out sometimes here, and has to be brought to by revivals and camp-meet- ins, and all sorts of excitements ; and when it does ecme to, it don't give a steady clear light for some time, but spits and sputters and cracks like a candle that's got a drop o' water on the wick. It don't seem kinder rational, neither, that screaniin and screetchin, and hoopin and hollerin, like posscst, and tuiublin into faintins, and fits, and swoons, and what not. / Idorit like preachin to the narves instead of tJie judgment — I re- ollect a lady once, tho', convarted by preachin to her narves, that was an altered woman all the rest o' her days. How was that? said she : these stories illustrate the ' science of religion.* I like to hear u 10-2 TIIC CLOCKMAKEIl. L*- i [ tkimi. There was a lady, said I (and I thought \\\ give her a story for her book), that tried to rule her husband a little tighter than was agreeable, — meddlin with things she didn't onderstand, and dictat- in in matters of politics and religion, and every thing a' most. So one day her husband had got up considerably airly in the mornin, and went out and got a tailor, and brought him into his wife's bed- room afore she was out o' bod : — * Measure that woman,' said he, * for a pair of breeches ; she's detarmined to wear 'em, and I'm re- solved folks shall know it,' and he shook the cow-skin over the tai- lor's bead to show him he intended to be obeyed. It cured her, — she begged and prayed, and cried, and promised obedience to her husband. He spared her, but it eflectuated a cure. Now that's what 1 call preachin to the norms .• Lord, how she would have kicked and squeeled if the tailor had a — . A very good story, said she, abowin and amovin a little, so as not to hear about the measurin, — a very good story indeed. If you was to revarse that maxim o' yourn, said I, and say demo- cracy is too often found at the root of religion, you'd be nearer tho mark, I reckon. I knew a case once exactly in point. Do tell it to me, said she; it will illustrlite * the spirit of religion.' Yes, said I, and illustrate your book too, if you are awritin one, as most English traycllers do. Our congregation, said I, at Slickville, contained most of the wealthy and respectable folk there, and a most powerful and united body it was. Well, there came a split once on the elec- tion of an Elder, and a body of the upper-crust folks separated and ^ w«nt oiT in a hyiT. Like most folks that separate in temper, they laid it all to conscience ; found out all at once they had been adrift afore all their lives, and joined another church as diflerent from ourn in creed as chalk is from cheese ; and to shew their humility, hooked on to the poorest congregation in the place. Well, the minister was quite lifted up in the stirrups when he saw these folks gine him ; and to shew his zeal for them the next Sunday, he looked up at the gal- lery to the niggers, and , said he, my brether 'n, I beg you won't spit down any more on the aisle /eats, for there be gentlemen there now. Gist turn your heads, my sable friends, and let go over your shoulders. Manners, my brothers, manners before backey. Well, the niggers seceded ; t^ey said it was an infringement on their rights, on their privilegQ of spittin, as freemen, where they liked, how they liked, and when they liked, and they quit in a body. * Democracy,' said they, 'is the root of religion.' Is that a fact? said she. No mistake, said I; I seed it myself; I know 'em all. Well, it's a curious fact, sad she, and very illus- trative. It illustrates the universality of spitt.n, and the universa- lity of democracy. It's chadicteristic. I have no fear of a people ^Y here the right of i^spitlin is held sacred from the interminable as- TRAVELLING IN AMERICA. lOS saults of priestcraft. She laid down her trumpet, and took out her pocket-book, and began to write it down. She swallar'd it all. I have seen her book since, it's gist what I expected from her. The chapter on religion strikes at the root of all religion ; and the edect of such doctrines are exhibited in the gross {^lander she has written ag'in her own sex in the Slates, from whom she received nothin but kindness and hospitality. 1 don't cull that pretty at all; it's enough to drive hospitality out of the land. I know what you allude to, said I, and fully concur with you in opinion, that it is a gross abominable slander, adopted on insufficient authority, and the more abominable from coming from a woman. Our church may be aristocratic ; but if it is, it teaches good manners, and a regard for the decencies of life. Had she listened more to thei regular clergy, and less to the modern illuminati, she might have learned a little of that charity which induces us to think well of others, and to speak ill of none. It certainly was a great outrage, and I am sorry that outrage was perpetrated by an English woman. I am proper glad you agree with me, squire, said he; but come and see for yourself, and I will explain matters to you ; for without some one to let you into things you won't understand us. I'll take great ])leasure in bein your guide, for I must say I likej your conversation. — How singular this is ! to the natural reserve of my country, I add an uncommon taciturnity ; but this peculiar adaptation to listening has everywhere established for me that rare, but most desirable repu- tation, of being a good companion. It is evident, therefore, that listeners are everywhere more scarce than talkers, and are valued ac- cordingly . Indeed, without them, li'hat would become of the talkers ? Yes, I like your conversation, said the clockmaker (who, the reader must have observed, has had all the talk to himself). We are like the Chinese ; they have two languages, the written language and the spoken language. Strangers only get as far as the spoken one; but all secret affairs of religion and government are sealed up in the written one; they can't make nothin of it. That's gist the case with us ; we have two languages, one for strangers, and one for ourselves. A stranger must know this, or he's all adrift. We've got our own difhculties, our own doubts, our own troubles, as well as other folks, — it would be strange if we hadn't ; but we don't choose to blart 'em all out to the world. Look at our President's Message last year ; he said, we was the most prosperous nation on the face of the airth, peace and plenty spread- in over the land, and more wealth than we know'd how to spend. At that very time we was on the point of national bankruptcy. Ho said, the great fire at New York didn't cause one failure; good reason why, the goods were all owned at London and Lyons, and the I'ail- Jires took place there, and not here. Our President said on that oc- \[k, r .v'(r»'* 164 THE CLOCKMAKER. i r; << I casion, our maxim is, 'do no wrong, and stiflcr no insftlt.' Well, at that very timo our gineral was marcliin into tlio Mexican territory, and our people olT South, boarded Texas, and took it, — and our folks down North-east were ready to do the same neighbourly act to Ca- nada, only waitin for Papineau to say, * All ready.' Ho boasted we had no national debt, but a large surplus revenue in the public chist, and yet, add up the public debt of each separate state, and see what a whappin large one that makes. We don't intertain stran- gers, as the English do, with the troubles of our household and the bother our sarvants give us; we think itain't hospitable, nor polished, nor even good manners; wo keep that for the written language among ourselves. If you don't believe my word, go and ask the Britisher that was at Mr. Madison's court when the last war broke out — he was the only man to Washington that know'd nothing about it — he didn't understand the language. I guess you may go and pack up your duds and go home, said Mr. Madison to him one day, when he called there to the \cvee. Go home I said he, and he wrinkled up his forehead, and drew up his eyelids, as much as to say, I esti- mate you are mad, ain't you? Go home! said he. What for? Why, said he, I reckon we are' at war. At war I said the Englishman ; why, you don't say so? there can't be a word of truth in the report : ^y dispatches say nothin of it. Perhaps not, said the President, /'T im ■tMU' with cohmial lU'pe.ndance . It'? takin away the crane that holds up the pot from the fir^', to keep it from boilin over, and clappin it right on the hot coals: what a gallopin boil it would soon come into, wouldn't it? In all mixed governments like yoUi-n, the true rule is_ never to interfere with popl'ar rights established. Amend what is wrong, concede what is right, and do what is just always; but prc- sarm tlie balance of tlie constitution for your life. One pound weight only taken olTthe executive, and put on t'other cend, is like a shift of the weight on a well-balanced plank till it won't play true no more, but keeps aslidin and aslidin down by lectle and leetle to the heviest eend, till it all stays down to one side, and won't work no longer. It's a system of checks now, but when all the checkc; run together, and make only one weight, they'll do as our senate did once (for that ain't no check no more) — it actilly passed that cussed em- hargo law of Jeflerson'o that ruined our trade, rotted our shipipin', and bankrupted the whole nation, arter it come up from the House of Representatives thro' all its three readins in four hours ; I hope I may be skinned if it didn't. It did, I snore. That's the beauty of havin two bodies to look at things thro' only one spyglass, and blow bubbles thro' one pipe. There's no appeal, no redress, in that case, and what's more, when one party gives riders to both horses, they ride over you like wink, and tread you right under foot, as arbitrary as old Scratch himself. There's no tyranny on airth equal to the tyranny of a majority: you can't form no notion of it unless you seed it. Just see how they sarved them chaps to Baltimore last war, Ge- neral Lingan and thirty other fellers that had the impudence to say they didnt approve of the doin's of the administration ; tjiey gist lynched 'em and stoned 'em to death like dogs. We find among us tlie greatest democrats are the greatest tyrants. No, squire ; repair, amend, enlarge, ventilate, modernize a little coo, if you Uke, your structure; put new roof, new porch, winders, and doors, fresh paint and shingle it, make it more attractive and plea- santer to inhabit, and of course it will be more valuable; — but do you leave the foundation alone — don't you meddle with the frame, the braces, and girts for your life, or it will spread, bUge out, leak like the divil, and ccme to pieces some o' these stormy nights about your ears as sure as you are born. Make no organic chdnges. There are quacks in politics, squire, as well as in med'cine,^critter8 who have unevarsal pills to cure all sorts o'Jdiseases ; andmany'sthe constitution, human and politic, they've fixt atween Miem. There's no knowln the gripes and pains and cholicks they've caused ; and the worst of it is, the poor devils that get in their hands, when they are on the broad of their backs, can't help themselves, but turn up the whites of Uicir eyes, and say, Oh dear ! I'm very bad : how will it go? Go, says tlu»y; why, like a house afire — full \split, — goin Pi i ELECTIVE COUNCILS. 167 £c> on grandly, — could'nt do no better, — gist what was expected. You'U have a new constitution, strong as a lion : oh ! goin on gratidly. Well, I don't know, says the misfortunate crittor ; but 1 feels a plaguy sight more like goin off than goin on, I tell you. Then comes apickin o' the bed-clothes, a clammy sweat, cold feet, the hipcup rattles, and death. Sarve him right, says quack ; the cussed fooi has had doctors too long about him in former days, and they sapped his constitution, and fixt his flint for him : why didn't he call mo in sooner? The consaited ass thought he koowed everything, and didn't foller out all my prescriptions;— 'One comfort, though — his estate shall pay for it, I vow. Yes, squire, and that i? the pity, win ur lose, live or die, the estate does pay for it — thai iS a fact; and what's worser, too, many on 'em care more about dividin the spoil than eflectin the cure, by a long chalk. ^^,. ^ There's always some jugglery or quackery agoin on every-*' where a'most. It puts me in mind of the Wilmot springs. — One of the greatest flarns I ever heerd tell of in this province, vfras- >. brought out hereabouts in Wilmot, and succeeded for a space beyond all calculation. Our sea sarpant was no touch to it, — and that was a grand steam-boat spekilation too, lor a nation sight of folks went from', Boston down to Providf^nco and back ag'in, on purpose to see the sarpant in the boat that first spoke it out to aea< But then they were all pleasurin parties, young folks takin a trip by water, instead of a quiltin frolic to shore. It gave the galls some- thing to talk about and to do, to strain their little eyes through the captain's great big spy-glass to see their nateral enemy, the sarpant ; and you may depend they had all the cur'osity of old Marm .Eve too. It was all young hearts a!»d ycing eyes, and pretty ones they were, I tell you. But this here WiUnot wonder was a sort of funeral allair, an old and ugly as8ori«n it, a kind of Irish wake, part dead and part alive, where one half groaned with sorrow and pain, and t'other half groaned to keep 'em company, — a rael, right down, gc- nwine hysteric frolic, near about as much cryin as laughin— it beat all natur. I believe they actilly did good in sartain cases, in proper doses with proper diet ; and at some future day, in more knowin hands, they will come into vogue ag'in, and make a good spekilation but I have always obsarved when an article is once run down, and folks find out that it has got more puffin than it desarves, they don' t give it no credit at all, and it is a long time afore it comes round ag'in. The Wilmot springs are situated on the right there, away up onder that mountain a-head on us. They sartainly did make a wonderful great noise three !years ago. If the pool of Salooni had been there, it couldn't a' had a greater crowd o' clowns about it. The lame and maimed, the consumptive and dropsical, the cancer- ous and leprous, the old drunkard and the young rake, the bancti »-'.'»»i :'U -Jfe— IflS THE CLOCKMAKER. iv -'■; r 11- >•'/>. 1% wife and ^ick maid, Hio larfin catholic and sour sectary, high and low, rich and poor, black and white, fools of all ages, sizes, and de- grees, were assembled there adrinkin, hathin, and awashin in the Winters, and carryin off the mud forjioultices and plaisters. It killed some, and cured some, and fool'd a nation sight of folks, I>own at the mouth of the spring, where it discharges into a stream, there is a soft bottom, and there you'd see a feller standin with one log stuck in the mud; another lyin on a plank, with an arm shoved into the ooze up to the shoulder; a third asittin down, with a ma?k o' mould like a gypsum cast on his head ; others with naked feet spotted all over with the clay to cure corns ; and these grouped ag'in Iwre with an unfortinalo feller with a stiff arm, who could only thrust in his elbow ; and there with anotrier sittin on a chair adanglin his feet in the mire to cure the rheamatis; while a tjurd, sunk up to his ribs, had a man aponrin water on his head for an eruption, as a gard'ner waters a trnnsplnnfod cabb-ige-plant, all declarin they felt better, and wonderin it limrnt been found out afore. It was horrid, I tell you, to see folks makin such fools of themselves. If that are spring had belonged to an American citizen, that had made such an everlastin touss about it, folks would have said they calkelated it was a Yankee trick; as it was, they set each other on, and every critter that came home from it sent a dozen neighbours off, — so none on 'em could larf at*each other. Th(! road was actilly covered with people. I saw one old goney, seventy years of age, stuck in a gig atwcen two mattrasses, like a carcase of mutton atween two bales of wool in a countryman's cart. The old fool was agoin to be made young, and to be married when he returned to home. Folks believed everything they heerd of it. They actilly swallered a story that a British officer that had a cork leg bathed there, and the flesh g rowed on it, so that no soul could tell the difference atween it and the natcral one. They believed the age of miracles had come ; so a feller took a dead pig and throw'd it in, sayin who know'd as it cured the half dead, that it wouldn't go the whole hog. That joke fixt the Wilmot springs; it turned the larf against 'em; and it was lucky it did, for they were findin springs gist like 'cm everywhere. Every pool the pigs had ryled was tasted, and if it was too bad for the stomach, il; was pronounced medicinal. The nearest doctor wrolo an account of it for the newspapers, and said it had sul|)hur and salt- petre in it, and that the mud when dried would make good powder, quite good enough to blow gypsum and shoot us Yankees. At last they exploded spontaneous, the sulphur, saltpetre, and burnt brans went oil themselves, and nothin has ever been since heerd of the Wilmot springs. It's pretty much the case in politics ; folks have always some jiubbic or another,— some elective council, — pvivate ballot, — short parlia- i 1' ELECTIVE COUNCILS. 169 ments, — or some p'll or another to cure all political evils in natur' ; with quacks enuugh to cry cm up, and interested quacks also, who make their ned out of 'em, afore people get tired of them and their pills too. There was a time when there was too many public ^ificers in your council here, but they've died off, or moved off, and too many of 'em lived to Halifax, and too few of 'em in the country, and folks thought a new deal would give 'em more fair play. Well, they've got a new deal now, and new cards. So far so good. A change of men is no great matter — natur' is a changin of 'em all the time if government don't. But the constitution is another thing. You can't take out the vilals and put in new ones, as you can in a watch- case, with any great chance of success, as ever I heerd tell of. I've seen some most beautiful operations performed, too, by brother Eldad, where the patients lived thro' 'em, — and ho got a plaguy sight of credit for 'eiw, — but they all died a few days afterwards. Why, 'Dad, says I, what in natur' is the good o' them are operations, and puttin the poor critters to all that pain and misery, and their es- tate * '0 much expense, if it don't do 'em no good? — for it seems to m 'Iti,vh»-' \J 170 THE CLOCKMAKER. M M, 111 I Si'j iiil''- V»l > call again, if you will give me leave. Sartain, says I, most happy. Well, nextovenin he camo ag'in ; and in the course of talk, says he, Iwasbornaquakor, Mr. Slick. Plontyof'em withus, saysl, and well to do in the world too, — considerable stifT folks in their way them Quakers — you can't no more move 'em than a church steeple. I like the quakers too, says I, for there are worse folks than them agoin in the world by a long chalk. Well, lately I've dissented from 'em, says he. — Curious that too, says I. I was athinkin'the beaver didn't shade, - the inner man quite as muchaslhavo seed it; but, says I, I like^' dissent; it shows a man has both a mind and a conscience too; if ho hadn't a mind ho couldn't dissent, and if ho had'nt a conscience he wouldn't; a man therefore, who quits his church, always stands a notch higher with me than a stupid obstinate critter that sticks to it 'cause he was born and brought up in it, and his father belonged to it — there's no sense in that. A quakcr is a very set man in his way ; a dis- senter therefore from a quaker must be what I call a considerable of a obstinate man, says he, larfin. No, says I, not gist exactly that, but he must carry a pretty tolerable slilT upper lip, Iho'— that's a fact. Well, says he, Mr. Slick, this country is an aristocratic country a very aristocratic country indeed, and it tante easy for a man to push himself when he has no great friends or family interest ; and be- sides, if a man has some little talent — says he, (and he squeezed his chin between his forefinger and thumb, as much as to say, tho' I say it that shouldn't say it, I have a very tolerable share of it at any rate,) he has no opportunity of risin by bringin himself afore the public. Every avenue is filled. A man has no chance to come forward, — money won't doit, for that I have, — talent won't doit, for the opportunity is wantin. I believe I'll go to ihe States where all men are equal, and one has neither the trouble of risin nor the vexation of failin. Then you'd like to come forward in public life here, would you, said I, if you had a chance ? I would, says ho; that's the truth . Give me your hand then, says I, my friend, 1 've got an idea that it will make your fortin. I'll put you in a track that will make a man of you first, and a nobleman afterwards, as sure as thou says thee. Walk into the niggers^ says 7, and they II help you to walk into tlic whites J and they'll maJie you walk into parliament. Walk into the niggers ! said he; and he sot and stared liked a cat awatchin of a mouse-hole ; — walk into the niggersl — what's that? I don't onderstand you. — Take up 'mancipation, says I, and work it up till it works yoiiup ; call meetins and make speeches to 'em, get up societies and make reports to 'em ; — get up petitions to Parliament and get signers to 'em. Enlist the women on your side, of all ages, sects, and de- nominations. Excite 'em first tho', for women folks are poor tools till you get 'cm up ; but excite them, and they'll go the whole figur', — wake up tlie whole country. It's a grand subject for it, — broken-hearted slaves SLAVEIIY Mt killin Ihomselvcs in despair or dyin a lingcrin death,— task-mas- ter's whip acultin into their llesh, — burnin suns, — days o' toil — nights o' grief — pestilential rice-;;rounds — chains — starvation — mi- sery and death, — grand figur's them for ora/r//, and make splendid speeches, if well put together. Says you, such is the spirit of British freedom, that the moment a slave touches our sea-girt shores, his spirit bursts its bonds ; he stands mancipated, disenthralled, and liberated ; his chains fall right ofl'» and he walks in all the naked majesty of a great big black he nigger I It sounds Irish that, and Josiah used to say they come up to tho Americans a'most in pure eloquence. It's grand, it's sublime that, you may depend. When you get 'cm up to the right pitch, then, says you, wc have no power in parliament ; we must have abolition members. Certainly, says they, and who so fit as the good, the pious, the Christian-like John Canter; up you arc put then, and bundled free gratis, head over he«;ls, into parliament. When you are in the House o' Commons, at it ag'in, blue-jacket, for life. Some good men, some weak men, and a'most a plaguy sight of hy- pocritical men will join yon. Cant carries sway always now. A large party in the House, and a wappin large party out o' the house, must be kept quiet, conciliated, or whatever the right word is, and John Canter is made Lord Lavender. I sec, I see, said he; a glorious prospect of doin good, of aidin my follow mortals, of bein useful in my generation. I hope for a more imperishable reward than a coronet, — the approbation of my own conscience. Well, well, says I to myself, if you ain't the most im- piident as well as tho most pharisaical villain that ever went onhung, then I never seed a finished rascal, — that's all. He took my advice, and went right at it, tooth and nail ; worked day and night, and made a' most a deuce of a stir. His name was in every paper — a mcetin held hereto-day, — that great and good man John Canter in the chair; — a mcetin held there to-morrow, — addressed most eloquently by that philanthropist, philosopher, and Christian, John Canter; — a sociefy formed in one place, John Canter secretary; — a society formed in anotherplace, John Canter president: — John Canter everywhere; — if you went to London, he handed you a subscription list, — if you went to Brighton, he mot you with a petition, — if you went to ShelTicld, he filled your pockets with tracts; — he was a complete jack-o'-lantern here and there, and /everywhere. The last I heerd tell of him he was in Parliament, and agoin out governor-general of some of the colonies. I've seen a good many superfine saints in my time, squire, buf this crifter was the most upperorust one I ever seed,, — he did boat all. Yes, the English di'savvo some credit, no doubt; but when you substracl electioneerin party spirit, liippocrasy, amlufion, ministerial flourishes, and all the other oiidertow causes that ojKM'atod in this m' IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 I.I 1^121 125 S; lt° 12.0 U& IIIIM^ llllll-^ III 1-6 lllll^^ lllll^^ lllll^ ^ 6" ► Photographic Sciences Corporation 23 WEST MAIN STtlKT WISSTIR.N.Y. t4StO (716)872-4503 ^^!^ J?' ♦ ■'' El " 178 THE CLOCKMAKER. work, which at best was but clumsily cdhtrivcd, anil bungliiily exe- cuted, it don't leave so much to brag on arter all, does it now 7 CHAPTER XLI. TALKING LATIN. Do you see them are country galls there, said Mr. Slick, how they are tricked out in silks, and touched olT with lace and ribbon to the ■V|»'' . nine's, amincin along with parasols in their hands, as if they were afear'd the sun would melt them like wax, or take the colour out of their face, like a printed cotton blind? Well, that's gist the ruin of this country. It ain't poverty the blue noses have to fear, for that they needn't know, without they choose to make acquaintance with it ; but it's gentility. They go the whole hog in this country, you may depend. They ain't content to appear what they be, but want to bo what they ain't ; they live too extravagant, and dress too extravagant, and won't do what's the ortly thing that will supply this extravagance : that is, be industrious. Gist go into one of the meetin-houses, back here in the woods, where there ought to be nothin but homespun cloth, and home-made stuifs and bonnets, and see the leghorns and palmettors, and silks and shalleys, morenos, gauzes, r.id blonds, assembled there, enough to buy the best farm in the settlement. There's somethin not altogether gist right in this ; and the worst of these habits is, they ruinate the young folks, and they grow up as big goneys as the old ones, and eend in the same way, by bein half- starved at last; there's a false pride, false feelin, and false edication^ here. I mind once, I was down this way to New Canaan, avendin o' my clocks, and who should I overtake but Nabal Green, apokin along in his waggon, half-loaded with notions from the retail shops, at the cross roads. Why, Nabal, said I, are you agoin to set up for a marchant, for I see you've got a considerable of an assortment of goods there? you've got enough o' them to make a pedlar's fortin a' most. Who's dead, and what's to pay now? Why, friend Slick, said he, how do you do? who'd a' thought of seein you here? You see my old lady, said he, is agoin for to give our Arabella, that's gist returned from board in-school to Halifax, a let oir to-night. Most all the bettermost folks in these parts are axed, and the doctor, the lawyer, and the minister is invited ; it's no skim- milk story, I do assure you, but upper crust, real jam. Ruth intends >y^^ ./, to do the thing handsome. She says she don't do it often, but when' ' she does, she likes to go the whole figur, and do it genteel. If she hasn't a show of dough-nuts and prasarvcs, and apple sarse and pun- >M ■>"^ P TALKING LATIN. no to give IX, a let axed. kin pies and sarsages, it's a pity ; it's taken all hands of us, the old lady and her galls too, besides the helps, the best part of a week past ■ preparin. I say nothin, but it's most turned the house inside out, a scttin up things in this room, or toatin 'em out of that into t'other, and all in such a conflustrigation, that I'm glad when they send me of an arrand to be out of the way. It's lucky them harrycanes don't come every day, for they do scatter things about at a great rate, all topsy-turvey like, — that's sartin. Won't you call in and see us to- night, Mr, Slick? folks will be amazin glad to see you, and I'll show you some as pritty-lookin galls, to my mind, in our settlement here» as you'll see in Connecticut, I know. Well, says I, I don't care if I do ; there's nothin I like more nor a frolic, and the dear little critters I do like to be among 'em too, — that's sartin. In the evenin I drives over to NabaVs, and arter puttin up my beast, old Clay, I goes into the house, and sure enough, there they was as big as life. The young ladies asittin on one side, and the men aslandin up by the door, and achatterin away in great good humour. There v/as a young chap aholdin forth to the men about politics; he was a young trader, set up by some marchantin Halifiax, to ruinate the settlement with good-for-nothin trumpery they hadn't no occasion for, — chock full of consait and aflectation, and beginnin to feel his way with the yard stick to assembly already. Great dandy was Mr. Bobbin ; he looked gist as if he had come out of the tailor's hands, spic and span ; put out his lips and drew down'tl!^- his brow, as if he had a trick of thinkin sometimes — nodded his head - and winked, as if he knew more than he'd like to tell — talked of ta-* lentquite glib, but disdainful, as if he wouldn't touch some folks with a pair of tongs ; a great scholar too was Mr. Bobbin, always spoke dictionary, and used hsavy artillery words. I don't entertain no manner of doubt if government would take him at his own valuation, he'd be found to be a man o' great worth. I never liked the critter, ^ , j > and always gave him a poke when I got a chance. He was a town ■/'^-/4- »^*? meetin orator; a grand school that to larn public speakin, squire; a ' "^ / nice muddy pool for young ducks to larn to swim in. He was a grand hand to read lectures in blacksmiths' shops at Yandues and the like, and talked politics aver his counter at a great size. He looked big and talked big, and altogether was a considerable big man in his own consait. He dealt in reform. He had ballot tajpe, suffrage ribbon,'"-"' '"" radical lace, no tythe hats, and beautiful pipes with a democrat's head on 'em, an'd the maxim, * No sinecure,' under it. Every thing had its motto. No, sir, said he, to some one he was atalkin to as I came in, this country is attenuated to pulverization by its aristocracy — a proud, a haughty aristocracy ; a corrupt, a lignious and lapidinous aristocracy; put them into a pjrcel, envelop 'em with a ^panoply of ; II ax. I paper, tie them up and put them into the scales, and they will be found' >. L 180 THE CLOGKMAKER. wantin. There is not a pound of honesty among 'em, nay not ah ounce, nay not a pennyweight. The article is wantin — it is not in their catalogue. The word never occurs either in their order, or in « their invoice. They won't bear the inspection, — they are not mar- chantablc, — nothin but refuse. If there is no honesty in market, says I, why don't you importsome, and retail it out? you might make some considerable profit on it, and do good to the country too; it would be quite patriotic that. I'm glad to see, says I, one honest man atalkin politics any how, for there's one thing I've obsarved in the course of my experience, whenever a man suspects all the world that's above him of roguery, he must be a pretty considerable superfine darned — (rogue himself, whispered some critter standin by, loud enough for all on 'em to hear, and to set the whole party achockin with larfter] — ^judge of the article himself, says I. Now, says I, if you do import it, gist let us know how you sell it, — by the yard, the quart, or the pound, will you? for it ain't set down in any tradin tables I've seen, whether it is for long measure, dry measure, or weight. Well, says he, atryin to larf, as if he didn't take the hint, I'll let you know, for it might lie of some use to you, perhaps, in the clock trade. May be, you'll be a customer, as well as the aristocrats. But how is clocks now? said he, and he gave his neighbour a nudge with his elbow, as much as to say, I guess it's my turn now, — how do clocks go? Like some young country traders I've seen in my time, says I ; don't go long afore they run down, and have to be wound up again. They are considerable better too, like them, for bein kept in their own place, and plaguy apt to go wrong when moved out of it. Thinks I to myself, take your change out o' that, young man, will you? for I'd heerd tell the goney had said they had cheats enough in Nova Scotia, without havin Yankee clockmakers to put new wrinkles on their horns. Why, you are quite witty this evenin, said he; you've been masticatin mustard, I apprehend. I was always fond of it from a boy, said I, and it's a pity the blue noses didn't chew a little more of it, I tell you ; it would help 'em, p'r'aps, to digest their jokes better, I estimate. Why, I didn't mean no offence, said he, I do assure you. Nor I neither, said I ; I hope you don't take it in any way parsonal. Says I, Friend Bobbin, you have talked a considerable hard o' me afore now, and made out the Yankees most as big rogues as your great men be ; but I never thought anything hard of it : I only said, says I, he puts me in mind of Mrs. Squire Ichobad Birch. What's that? says the folks. Why, says I, Marm Birch was acomin down stairs one mornin airly, and what should she sec but the stable help akiss- in of the cook in the corner of the entry, and she affendin offlike a brave one. You j:ood-for-nothin hussey, said Marm Birch, get out TALKING LATIN. 1¥ o' my house this miiiil: I won't have no such ondcccnt carryins on here, on no account. You horrid critter, get out o' my sight; and as for you, said she to the Irishman, don't you never dare to shew your ugly face here again. I wonder you aint ashamed of your- selves, — both on you begone;— away with you, bag and baggage I Hullo I said the squire as he foller'd down in his dressing gownd and slippers; hullo I says he, what's all this touss about? Nothin, says Pat, ascratchin of his head, nothin, your honor, only the mis- tress says sfie'll have no kissin in the house but what she does herself. The cook had my jack knife in her pocket, your honor, and wouldn't give it to me, but sot oIT and ran here with it, and I arter her, and cauglit her. I gist put my hand in her pocket promisc'ously to sarch for if, — and when I found it, Iwas atryin to kiss her by way of forfeit like, and that's the long and the short of the matter. The mistress says she'll let no one but herself in the house do that same. Tut, — tut, — tut! says the squire, and larfed right out; both on you go and attend to your work then, and let's hear no more about it. Now, you are like Marm Birch, friend Bobbin, says I — you think nobody has a right to be honest but yourself; but there is more o'that arter all ago- in in the world than you have any notion of, I tell you. Feelin a hand on my arm, I turns round, and who should I see but Marm Green. Dear me, says she, is that you, Mr SUck? I've been lookin all about for you for ever so long. — How do you do? — I hope , , I see you quite well. Hearty as brandy, marm, says I, tho' not quHe^u^J>yv(f as strong, and a great deal heartier for aseein of you. — How be you? ' Reasonable well and stirrin, says she : I try to keep amovin ; but I shall give the charge of things soon to Arabella : have you seen her yet? No, says I, I havn't had the pleasure since her return ; but I heard folks say she is a' most a splendid fine gall. Well, come, then, said she,atakin of my arm, let me introduce you to her. She is a fine gall, Mr. Slick, that's a fact; and though I say it that shouldn't say it, she's a considerable of an accomplished gall too. There is no touch to her in these parts : minister's daughter that was all one winter to St. John can't hold a candle to her. Can't she tho'? said I. No, said she, that she can't, the consaited minx, though she does carry her head so high. One of the gentlemen that played at the show of the wild beast, said to me, says he, I'll tell you what it is, Marm Green, said he, your darter has a beautiful touch — that's a fact : most galla can play a little, but your's does the thing complete. And so she ought, says she, takin her five quarters into view. Five quar- ters I said I ; well, if that don't beat all I well, I never hcerd tell of a gall havin five quarters afore since I was raised I The skin, said I, I must say, is a most beautiful one ; but as for tho tallcw, who ever heerd of a gall's tallow? i* ■/- The fifth quarter ! — Oh Lord ! said I, marm, yoi 11 kill me,— 182 THE CLOCKMAKBR. /t n /«■ and I haw-ha\s'ed right out. Why, Mr. Slick, says she, ain*^! yon ashamed? do, for gracious sake, behave yourself ; i meant five quarters* schoolin : -what a droll man you be. Ohl five quarters' schoolin ! says I ; now I onderstand. And, said she, if she don't paint it's a pity? Paint! said I; why, you don't say so! I thought that are beautiful color was all nateral. Well, I never could kiss a gall that painted. Mother used to say it was saiiin under false colors — I 'most wonder you could allow her to paint, for I'm sure there ain't the least morsel of occasion for it in the world : you may say ^^a^— it u a pity 1 Get out, said she, you imperance ; you know'd better nor that; I meant her pictures. Oh! her pictures, said I, now I see;-^ does she tho' ? Well, that is an accomplishment you don't often see, I tell you. — Let her alone for that, said her mother. Here, Arabella, dear, said she, come here, dear, and bring Mr. Slick your pictur' of the river that's got the two vessels in it, — Captain Noah Oak'sr sloop, and Peter Zinck's schooner. Why, my sakes, mamma, said Miss Arabella, with a toss of her pretty little saucy mug, do you ex- • ,; ^ /»<•• I'^i Vr.*;.\ /»>iv.. 18U THE CLOCKMAKER. '■>« *'' ';'' ^ ,-,<""' ' funco Tor dear life. Thinks I, you arc not tlio first ass that has beer* brought to a polli anyhow. Next day, I met Nabal. Well, said he. Mr. Slick, you hit our young trader rather hard last night ; but I warn't sorry to hear you, tho', for the critter is so full of consait, it will do him good. He wants to pull every one down to his own level, as he can't rise to theirs, and is for everiastinly 8j20.utin about House of Assembly business, ofll- cials, aristocrats, and such stuff; he'd be a plaguy sight better, in my mind, attendin to his own business, instead of talkin of other folks's; and usin his yardstick more, and his tongue less. And between you and me, Mr. Slick, said he, — tho' I hope you won't let on to any one that I said anything to you about it, — but atween ourselves, as we are alone here, I am athinkin ray old woman is in a fair way to turn Arabella's head too. All this paintin, and singin, and talkin Latin is very well, I consait, for them who have time for it, and nothin bet- ter to do to home. It's better p'r'aps to be adoin of that than adoin of nothin ; but for the like o' us, who have to live by farmin, and keep a considerable of a large dairy, and upwards of a hundred sheep, it does seem to me sometimes as if it were a little out of place. Be candid now, said he, for I should like to hear what your rael genu- wira6 opinion is touchin this matter, seein that you know a good deal of the world. < Why, friend Nabal, says I, as you've asked my advice, I *11 give it to you ; tho' anythin partainin to the apron-string, is what I don't call myself a judge of, and feel delicate of meddlin with. Woman is wom?n, says I ; that's a fact; and a feller that will go for to provoke hornets, is plaguy apt to get himself stung, and I don't know as it does not sarve him right too; but this I must say, friend, that you're just about half right, — that's a fact. The proper music for a farmer's l)0U8e is the spinnin-wheel, — the true paintin the dye stuffs, — and the tambourin the loom. Teach Arabella to be useful and not showy, prudent and not extravagant. She is gist about as nice a gall as you'll see in a day's ride; now don't spoil her, and let her get her head turned, for it would be a rael right down pity. One thing you may depend on for sartain, as a maxim in the farmin line, — a good darter and a good housekeeper ^ is plaguy apt to make a good wife and a good mother. THE SNOW WREATH. 1B7 CHAPTER XLII. THE SNOW WREATH. Whoever has read Haliburton's History of Nova Scotia ( which, next to Mr. Josiah Slick's History of Cuttyhank, in five volumes, is the most important account of unimportant things I have ever seen), will recollect that this good city of Annapolis is the most ancient one in North America ; but there is one fact omitted by that author, which I trust he will not think an intrusion upon his province, if I take the liberty of recording, and that is, that in addition to its being the most ancient, — it is also the most loyal city of this Western Hemisphere. This character it has always sustained, and 'royal,' as a mark of peculiar favour, has ever been added to its cognomen by every go- vernment that has had dominion over it. Under the French, with whom it was a great favourite, it was called Port Royal ; and the good Queen Anne, who condescended to adopt it, permitted it to be called Annapolis Royal. A book issuing from Nova Scotia is, as Blackwood very justly observes, in his never- to-be-forgotten, nor ever-to-be-sufliciently-admircd review of the first part of this work, oneof those unexpected events that, from their great improbability, appear almost incredible. Entertaining no doubt, there- fore, that every member of the cabinet will read this lustia naturcB, I lake this opportunity of informing them that our most gracious Sove- reign, Queen Victoria, has not in all her widespread dominions more devoted or more loyal subjects than the good people of Annapolis Royal. Here it was, said I, Mr. Slick, that the egg was laid of that Ameri- can bird, whose progeny have since spread over this immense conti- nent. Well, it is a'most a beautiful bird too, ain't it ? said he ; what a plumage it has 1 what a size it is 1 It is a whopper, — that's sartin ; it has the courage and the soarin of the eagle, and the colour of the peacock, and his majestic step and keen eye ; the world never seed the beat of it ; that's a fact. How streaked the English must feel when they think they once had it in the cage and couldn't keep it there; it is a pity they are so invyous tho' I declare. Not at all, I assure you, I replied : there is not a man among them who is not ready to admit all you have advanced in favour of your national em- . blem; the fantastic strut of the peacock, the melodious and attic o/T^vy> tones, the gaudy apparel, the fondness for display which is perpe- tually exhibiting to tho world the extended tail with painted stars, the amiable disposition of the bird towards the younger and feebler offspring of others, the unwieldy 1 thought so, said he; I hadn't ought to have spoke of it afore you, for it does seem to ryle you ; n 188 THE CLOCKMAKER. !l 'A> .4 thafg sartain ; and I don't know 88 it was gist altogether right to al^ ludo to a thin that is so humblin to your national prido. But, squiro, ain't this been a hot day? I think it would pass muster amon'^ t!ic hot ones of the West Indgies a' most. I do wish I could gist slip od' my llesh and sit in my bones for a space, to cool myself, for I ain't seed such thawy weather this many a year, I know. I calculate I will brow a little lemonade, for Marm Bailey ginerally keeps the ma- terials for that Temperance Society drink. This climate o' Nova Scotia does run to extremes ; it has the hottest and the coldest days in it I over seed. I shall never forget a night I spent here thrco winters ago. I como very near free/in to death . The very thought of that night will cool me the hottest day in sum- mer. It was about the latter cend of February, as far as my memory sarves me, I came down here to cross over the bay to St. John, and it was considerable arter daylight down when I arrived. It was the most violent slippery weather, and the most cruel cold, I think, I ever mind secin since I was raised. Says Marm Bailey to me, Mr. Slick, says she, I don't know what onder the sun I 'm agoin to do with you, or how I shall be able to accommodate you, for there's a whole raft of folks from Halifax here, and a batch of moose-hunting officers, and I don't know who all; V,',; and the house is chock full, I declare. Well, says I, I'm no ways particular — I can put up with most anything. I'll gist take a stretch here, afore the fire on the floor ; — for I'm e'en a'most chilled to death, and awful sleepy too; first come, says I, first sarved, you know's an old rule, and luck's the word now-a-days. Yes, I'll gist take the hearth-ri*g for it, and a good warm berlh it is too. Well, says she, I can't think o' that at no rate: there's old Mrs. Fairns in the next street but one; she's got a spare bed she lets out sometimes: I'll send up to her to get it ready for you, and to-morrow these folks will bo ofl*, and then you can have your old quarters again. So arter supper, old Johnny Farquhar, the English help, showed me up to the widder's. She was considerable in years, but a cheer- fulsome old lady and very pleasant, but she had a darter, the pret- tiest gall I ever seed since I was created. There was sunthin or another about her that made a body feel melancholy too; she was a > « >f lovdy-lookin critter, but her countenance was sad ; she was tall and well made, had beautiful lookin long black hair and black eyes ; but, oh! how pale she was! — and the only colour she had, was a little fever-Iike-lookin red about her lips. She was dressed in black, which made her countenance look more marble like ; and yet whate- ver it was, — natur', or consumption, or desartion, or settin on the anxious benches, or what not, — thatmade her look so, yet she hadn't fallen away one morsel, but was full formed and well waistcd. I couldn't keep my eyes olTof hec . THE SNOW WREATH. IM I'ao W 1 TcU a kind o' interest in her ; I seemed as if I'd like to hear her story, for sunthin or another had gone wrong, — that was clear; somo little story of the heart, most like, for young galls are plaguy apt to have a tender spot thereabouts. She never smiled, and when she looked on me she looked so streaked and so sad, and cold withal, it made me kinder superstitious. Her voice, too, was so sweet, and yet so doleful, that I felt proper sorry and amazin curious too; thinks I, I'll gist ax to-morrow all about her, for folks have pretty 'cute ears in Annapolis ; there ain't a smack of a kiss that ain't heard a!l over town in two twos, and sometimes they think they hear 'em even afore they happen. It's a'most a grand place for news, like all other small places I ever seed. Well, I tried jokin and funny 8lu;ii\s, and every kind o' thing to raise a larf, but all wouldn't do ; she lalkcd and listened and chatted away as if there was nothin abuvo par- tikiler ; but still no smile ; her face was cold and clear • d bright as the icy surface of a lake, and 'so transparent too, yon could sec Ihe veins in it. ArtCi' a while the old lady showed mo to my chamber, and ther«^ was a fire in it; but, ohl my sako's, how cold! it was like goin down into a well in summer — it made my blood fairly /■ j ii thicken ag'in. Your tunibler is out, squire; try a little more or".^' ' y^. that lemonade; that iced water is grand. Well, I sot over the fire' '■^ • • a space, and gathered up the little bits o' brands and kindlin wood, ^ ( for the logs were green, and wouldn't burn up at no rate) ; and then- <^y''» <'«'. <$ I ondressed and made a desperate jump right into the cold bed, with only half clothes enough on it for such weather, and wrapped up all the clothes round me. Well, I thought I should have died. The frost was in the sheets, — and my breath looked like the steam from a boilin tea-kettle, and it settled right down on the quilt, and froze into white hoar. The nails in the house cracked like a gun with a wet wad, — they went off like thunder, and now and then you'd hear some one run along ever so fast, as if he couldn't shew his nose to it for one minit, and the snow crackin and crumplin onder his feet, like a new shoo with a stiff sole to it. The fire wouldn't blaze no longer, and only gave up a blue smoke, and the glass in the window looked all fuzzy with the frost. Thinks I, I'll freeze to death to a sartainty. If I go for to drop off asleep, as sure as the world I'll never wake up ag'in. I've heerd tell of folks aiore now foelin dozy^ like out in the cold, and layin down to sleep, and goiii for it, and I don't half like to try it, I vow. Well, I j?ot considerable narvous like, and I kept awake near about all night, tremblin and shakin like ague. My teeth fairly chattered ag'in ; first I rubbed one foot ag'in another, — then I doubled up all on a heap, and then rubbed all over with my hands. Oh ! it was dismal you may depend ; — at last I began to nod and doze, and fancy I seed a flock o' sheep atakin a split for it, oyer a wall; and tried to count 'em, one by one, and V.X :/ //. /); '^ ; 100 THE CLOCKMAKER. . ':l couldn't ; and then I'd start up, and then nod ag'in. I felt it acomin all over, in spite of all I could do; and, thinks 1, it ain't so cver- lastin long to day-light now ; I'll try it anyhow — I'll be darn'd if I don' t— so here goes. ^y/.;V. /».>, ■ Just as I shot my eyes, and made up my mind for a nap, t hears a low moan and a sob; well, I sits up, and listens, but all was silent again. Nothin but them etarnal nails agoin ofl*, one arter t'other, like anythin. Thinks I to myself, the winds agettin up, I estimate; it's as like as not we shall have a change o' weather. Presently I lieerd a light step on the entry, and the door opens softly, and in walks the widder's darter on lip toe, dressed in a long white wrap- per; and after peerin all round to see if I was asleep, she goes and sits down in the chimbly corner, and picks up the coals and fixes the fire, and sits alookin at it for ever so long. Oh I so sad, and so melancholy; it was dreadful to see her. Says I to myself, says I, what on airth brings the poor critter here, all alone, this time o* night; and the air so plaguy cold, too. 1 guess, she thinks I'll freeze to death; or, perhaps she's walkin in her sleep. But there she sot lookin more like a ghost than a human, — first she warmed one foot and then the other ; and then held her hands over the coals, and moaned bitterly. Dearl dearl thinks I, that poor critter is afreezin to death as well as me ; I do believe the world is acomin to an eend right off, and we shall all die of cold, and I shivered all over. Presently she got up, and I saw her face, part covered with her long black hair, and the other parts so white and so cold, it chilled me to look at it, and her footsteps I consaited sounded louder, and I cast my eyes down to her feet, and I actilly did fancy they looked froze. Well, she come near the bed, and lookin at me, stood for a space without stirrin, and then she cried bitterly, He, too, is doomed, said she; he is in the sleep of death, and so far from home, and all his friends too. Not yet, said I, you dear critter you, not yet, you may depend ; — but you will be if you don't go to bed; — so says I, do for gracious sake return to your room, or you will perish. It's frozen, says she; it's deathy cold ; the bed is a snow wreath, and the pillow is ice, and the coverlid is congealed ; the chill has struck into my heart, and my blood has ceased to flow. I'm doomed, I'm doomed to die; and oh! how strange, how cold is death I Well, I was all struck up of a heap: I didn't know what on airth to do ; says I to myself, says I, here's this poor gall in my room carryin on like ravin distracted mad in the middle of the night here : she's oneasy in her mind, and is awalkin as sure as the world, and how it's agoin to eend, I don't know, — that's a fact. Katey, says I, dear, I'll get up and give you my bed if you are cold, and I'll go and make up a great rousin big fire, and I'll call up the old lady, and she will see to you, and get you a hot drink; sunthiu must be done, to a sartainty, for I can't bear THE SNOW WREATH. 191 to hear you talk so. No, says she, not for the world ; what will my mother say, Mr. Slick? and me here in your room, and nothin.but this wrapper on ; it's too late now ; it's all over ; a..d with that she fainted, and fell right across the bed. Oh, how cold she was I the chill struck into me ; I feel it yet^ the very thoughts is enough to give one the ague. Well, Fm a modest man, squire ; I was always modest from a boy ; — but there was no time for ceremony now, for there was a suflerin, dyin critter — so I drew her in, and folded her in my arms, in hopes she would come to, but death was there. I breathed on her icy lips, but life seemed extinct, and every time I pressed her to me, I shrunk from her till my back touched the cold gypsum wall. It felt like a tomb, so chill, so damp, so cold— • (you have no notion how cold them are kind o' walls are, they beat all natur')— squeezed between this frozen gall on one side, and the icy plaster on the other, I felt as if my own life was aebbin away fast. Poor critter! says I, has her care of me brought her to this pass? I'll press her to my heart once more; p'r'aps the little heat that's left there may revive her, and I can but die a few minutes sooner. It was a last eflbrt, but it succeeded ; she seemed to breathe again — I spoke to her, but she couldn't answer, tho' I felt her tears flow fast on my bosom; but I was actilly sinkin fast myself now, — I felt my eend approachin. Then came reflection, bitter and sad thoughts they were too, I tell you. Dear, dear! said I; here's a pretty kettle o' fish, ain't there? we shall be both found dead here in the mornin, and what will folks say of this beautiful gall, ai.d of one of our free and enlightened citizens, found in such a scrape ? No- thin will be too bad for 'em that they can lay their tongues to ; that's a fact: the Yankee villain, the cheatin Clockmaker, the : the thought gave my heart a jupe, so sharp, so deep, so painful, I awoke and found I was ahuggin a snow wreath, that had sifted thro' a hole ^ in the rcof on the bed ; part had melted and trickel'd down my breast, and part had froze to the clothes, and chilled me through. I woke up, proper glad it was all a dream, you may depend — but amazin cold and dreadful stifl*, and I was laid up at this place for three weeks with the 'cute rheumatis, — that's a fact. But your pale young friend, said I; did you ever see her again? pray, what became of her? Would you believe it? said he; the next mornin, when I came down, there sot Katey by the fire, look- in as bloomin as a rose, and as chipper as a canary bird; — the fact is, I was so uncommon cold, and so sleepy too, the night afore, that I thought everybody and everything looked cold and dismal too. Mornin, sir, said she, as I entered the keepin room ; mornin to you, Mr. Slick ; how did you sleep last night? I'm most afcard you found that are room dreadful cold, for little Biney opened the window at tlie head of the bed to make the fire draw and start the smoke up. riJ || 'if i 10'2 the:clockmaker. Ill' Lx and forgot to shut it again, and I guess it was wide open all night ;— I minded it arter I got to bed, and I thought I should ha' died alarf- in. Thank you, said I, for that ; but you forget you come and shot it yourself. Me 1 said she ; I never did no such a thing. — Catch me indeed agoin into a gentlem«n's chamber : no, indeed, not for the world I If I wasn't cold, said I, it's a pity, — that's all ; I was een a'most frozen as stiiT as a poker, and near about frightened to death too, for I seed you or your ghost last night, as plain as I see you now ; that's a fact. A ghost! said she : how you talk I do tell. Why, how was that? Well, I told her the whole story from beginning to eend. First she larfed ready to split at my account of the cold room, and my bein afeard to go to sleep ; but then she stopt pretty short, I guess, and blushed like anythin when I told her about her comin into the chamber, and looked proper frightened, not knowin what was to come next ; but when she heerd of her turnin first into an icicle, and then into a snow-drift, she haw-hawed right out. I thought she actilly would have gone into hysterics. You might have frozen, said she, in rael right down earnest, afore I'd agone into your chamber at that time o' night to see arter you, or your fire either, said she, you may depend : I can't think what on airth could have put that are crotchet into your head. Nor I neither, said I ; and be- sides, said I, aketchin hold of her hand, and drawin her close to me, — and besides, says I, — I shouldn't have felt so awful cold nei- ther, if you . Hold your tongue, said she, you goney you, this minit ; I won't hear another word about it, and go right off and get your breakfast, for you was sent for half an hour ago. Arter bein mocked all night, says I, by them are icy lips of your ghost. Now I see them are pretty little sarcy ones of yourn, I think I must, and I'll be darned if I won't have a . Well, I estimate vou \Y9^'*» then, said she, you impedence, — and she did fend olTlikea; V'^^lilt^iirave one — that's a fact; she made frill, shirt collar, and djcl^ey fly like snow ; she was as smart as a fox-trap, and as wicked as a meat- axe;— there was no gettin near her no how. At last, said she, if there ain't mother acomin, I do declare, and my hair is all spifli- cated, too, like a mop, — and my dress all rumfoozled, like anything^ ^-do, for gracious sake, set things to rights a little afore mother comes in, and then cut and run : my heart is in my mouth, I declare. Then she sot down in a chair, and put both hands behind her head a puttin in her combs. Oh dear, said she, pretendin to try to get away ; is that what you call puttin things to rights? Don't squeeze so hard ; you'll choke me, I vow. It tante me that's achokin of you, says I, it's the heart that's in your mouth. — Oh, if it had only been ther.i lips instead of the ghost! Quick, says she, a-openin of the door, — I hear mother on the steps; — quick, bo ofl"; but mind yon don't tell any one that ghost story ; people might think there was more in it Ml/,' THB TALISMAN. 19S llian met the ear. Well, well, said I, to myself; for a pale face, sad, melancholy-lookin gall, if you hav'n't turned out as rosy, a rompin. larkin, light-hearted a heifer as ever I seed afore, it's a pity. — There's another lemon left, squire, 'spose we mix a little more sourin afore we turn in, and take another glass * to the widder's darter.' CHAPTER XLUI, THE TALISMAN. It was our intention to have left Annapolis this morning after breakfast, and proceeded to Digby, a small but beautiful village, situated at the entrance of that magnificent sheet of water, once known as Port Royal Basin, but lately by the more euphonious ap- pellation of the ' Gut.' But Mr. Slick was missing, nor could any trace of him be foimd; I therefore ordered the horse again to the stable, and awaited his return with all due patience. It was five o'clock in the afternoon before he made his appearauice. Sorry to keep you awaitin, said he, but I got completely let in for it this mornin; I put my foot in it, you may depend, I've got a gr/>nd story to tell you, and one that will make you larf too, I know. Where do you think I've been of all places onder the sun? Why, I've been to court ; that's a fact. I seed a great crowd of folks about the door, and thinks I, who's dead, and what's to pay now ? I think rU just step in for a minit and see. What's on the carpet to-day? says I to a blue nose; what's goin on here? Why, said he, they are agoin for to try a Yankee. What for ? said I. Stealin, said he. A Yankee, says I to myself ; well, that's strange too; that beats me any-how; I never heerd tell of a Yankee bein such a born fool as to steal. If the feller has been such a ravin distracted goney, I hope they will hang him, the varmint ; that's a fact. It's mostly them thick-sculled, wrong-headed, cussed stupid fools the British that do that are; they ain't brought up well, and hav'n't got no edication ; but our folks know better; they've been better larned than to do the like o' that— they can get most any- thing they want by gettin hold on the right eend in a bargain ; they do manage beautiful in a trade, a slight o' hand, a loan, a failin, a speckelation, swap, thimble-rig, or some how or another in the rigular way within the law ; but as for stealin — never-— I don't believe he's a Yankee. No, thinks I, he can't be American, bred and born, for we are too enlight' .led for that, by a long chalk. We have a great respect for the laws, squire; we've been bred to that, and always uphold the dignity of t^^ law. I recollect once that some of our 13 ^ 104 THE CLOCKMAKER. tn >•<.*•* I 'nJaou ■*j n young citizens away above Montgomery got into a flare-up ^ ;ith a party of boatmen that lives on the Mississippi ; a desperate vow it was too, and three of the Kentuckians were killed as dead as herrins. Well, they were had up for it afore Judge Cotton. He was one of our revolutionary heroes, a starn, hard-featured old man, quite a ^^^/^'•Cato, — and he did curry 'em down with a heavy hand, you may depend ; — he had no marcy on 'em. There he sot with his hat on, a cigar in his mouth, his arms folded, and his feet over the rail, lookin as sour as an onripe lemon. Bring up them culprits, said he, and when they were brought up he told 'em it was scandalous, and only fit for English and ignorant foreigners that sit on the outer porch of darkness, and not high-minded, intelligent Americans. You are a disgrace, said he, to our great nation, and I hope 1 shall never hear the like of it ag'in. If I do, I'll put you on your trial as sure as you are born ; I hope I may be skinned alive by wild cats, if I dont. Well, they didn't like this kind o' talk at all, so that night away they goes to the judge's house, to teach him a thing or two, with a cowskin, and kicked up a deuce of a row; and what do you think the neighbours did ? Why, they gist walked in, seized the ringleaders and lynched them, in less than ten minits, on one of the linden trees afore the judge's door. They said the law must be vindicated, — and that courts must be upheld by all quiet orderly people for a terror to evil-doers. The law must take its course. No, thinks I, he cant be a Yankee; — if he was, and had awanted the article, he would ha' done him out of it, p'r'aps in a trade, bein too experienced a man of business for him; but steal it, never, never — I don't believe it, I vow. Well, 1 walked into the court-house, and there was a great crowd of ' , folks there, ajabberin and atalkin away like anything ( for blue- nose needn't turn his back on any one for talkin — the critter is all tongue, like an old horse ) — presently in come one or two young lawyers, in a dreadful hurry, with great piles of books under their arms with white leather covers, and great bundles of papers tied with red tape, and put 'em down on the table afore 'em, lookin very big , with the quantity of larnin they carried; thinks I, young shavers, if you had more of that in your heads, and less under your arms, you would have the use of your hands to play with your thumbs when you had nothin to do. Then came in one or two old lawyers, and sot down and nodded here and there to some o' the upper-crust folks o' the county and then shock hands amazin hearty with the young lawyers, and the young lawyers larfed, and the old ones larfed, and they all nodded their heads together like a flock of geese agoin thro' a gate. Presently the sherifl' calls out at the tip eend of his voice, * Clear the way for the judge;' — and the judge walks up to the general of fashions, and where he found such arbitrary power in the constitution as that, committed to any man. But I WBS agoin to tell you 'bout the trial. — Presently one o' the old lawyers got up, and said he. My lord, said he, I movej your lord- ship, that the prisoner may be brought up. And if it warn't a move it was a pity. The lawyer moved the judge, and the judge mx)ved the sheriff, and the sheriff moved the crowd, for they all mov^e^ out to- gether, leavin hardly any one on them but the judge and the law- yers; and in a few minits they all moved back ag'in with a prisoner. // ^ •190 THE CLOCKMAKER. it: They seemed as if Ihcy had never seen a prisoner before. When they came to call the jury thoy didn't all answer; so says the sherilT to me, walk in the box, sir, — you, sir, with the blue coat. Do you indicate me, sir? said I. Yes, says he, I do: walk in the box. I give you thanks, sir, says T, but Td rather stand where I be; I've no occasion to sit; and besides, I guess, I must be amovin. Walk in the box, sir, said he, and he roared like thunder. And, says the judge, alookin up, and smilin and speakin as soft as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, you must walk in the box, sir. Well, says I, to oblige you, says I, my lord, I will; but there don't seem much room in it lo walk, I vow. You are called upon, sir, says the judge, as a talisman ; take your seat in the box, and be silent. If I must, says I, I do suppose I must; but I don't like the ofiice, and I don't believe I've got a marker about me ; but if you've are a piece of chalk about you, you could give me, or lend me an old pencil, I'll try to cypher it as well as I can, and do my possibles to give you sa- tisfaction, my lord. What are you atalkin about, sir? said he; — • what do you mean by such nonsense? Why, says I, my lord, I've been told that in this country, and indeed I know it is the practice almost all over ourn, for the jury to cJialkf that is, every man chalks down on the wall his vote; one man ten pounds, one twenty, an- other thirty, and another five pounds, and so; and then they add them all up, and divide by twelve, and that makes the vardict. Now if I'm to be talysman^ says ,1 and keep count, I'll chalk it as straight as a boot-jack. The judge throwed himself back in his chair, and turning to the sheriff, says he, is it possible, Mr. SherilT, that such an abominable practice as this exists in this country ? or that people, under the solemn obligation of an oath, can conduct themselves with so much levity as to make their verdict depend upon chance, and not upon reason ? If I was to know an instance of the kind, said he, — and he looked battle, murder, and sudden death, — I'd both fine and imprison the jury; — I would, by (and he gave the corner of his mouth a twist just in time to keep in an oath that was on the tip of his tongue], and he hesitated a little to think how to get out of the scrape, — at least I consaited so, — by and with the full consent of my brethern on the bench. I have my suspicions, said the Clockmaker, that the judge had heerd tell of that practi^^ afore, and was only waitin for a complaint to take notice of it regular-like, for them old judges are as cunnin as foxes ; and if he had, I must say he did io the surprise very well, for he looked all struck up of a heap, like a vessel taken aback with a squall, agoin down starn formost. Who is that man? said he. I am a clockmaker, sir, said I. I didn't ask you what you were, sir, says he, acolorin up ; I asked you who you were. I'am Mr. Samuel Slick of Slickville, sir, says I ; a TtlE TALISMAN. 197 Ai'"^' d'ockmaker from Onion County, State of Connecticut, in the Uirited States of America. You are exempt, said he, — you may walk out of the box. Thinks I to myself, old chap, next time you want a talis- man, takie one of your own folks, will you? Well, when I looked up to the prisoner, sure enough I seed he was one of our citizens, one * Expected Thome,' of our town, an endless villain, that had been two or three times in the State's prison. The case was a very plain one. Captain Billy Slocum produced a watch, which he said was hisn ; he said he went out arter dinner, leavin his watch ahangin up over the mantel piece, and when he returned to tea it was gone, and that it was found in Expected Thome's possession. Long before the evidence was gone through, I seed he was guilty, the villain. There is a sort of freemasonry in hypocrasy, squire, you may depend. It has its signs and looks by which the brotherhood know each other ; and as charity hopeth all things, and forgiveth all things, these ap- peals of the elect to each other from the lowest depths of woe, whether conveyed by the eye, the garb, or the tongue, are seldom made in vain. Expected had seed too much of the world, I estimate, not to know that. If he hadn't his go-to-meetin dress and looks on this day to do the jury, it's a pity. He had his hairs combed down as straight as a horse's mane ; a little thin white cravat, nicely plaited and tied plain, garnished his neck, as a white tgwig} does a dish of calves' head,— a standin up collar to his coat gave it the true cut, and the gilt buttons covered with cloth eschewed the gaudy ornaments of sinful, carnal man. He looked as demure as a harlot at a chjistenin — drew down v y'^r the corners of his mouth, so as to contract the trumpet of his nose,^V> and give the right base twang to the voice, and turned up the whitesj^ of his eyes, as if they had be^n in the habit of lookin in upon the inner man for self-examination and reproach. Oh, he looked like a martyr; gist like a man who would suffer death for conscience sake, and forgive his enemies with his dyin breath. Gentlemen of the jury, says Expected, lama stranger and a so- journer in thjs land, but I have many friends and received much kindness, thanks be to divine Providence for all his goodness to me a sinner; and I don't make no doubt that tho' I be a stranger, his lord- ship's honor will, under Providence, see justice done to me. The last time I was to Captain Billy's house I seed his watch, and that it was out of order, and I offered to clean it and repair it for him for nothin, free gratis ; — that I can't prove. But I'll tell you what I can prove, and it's a privilege for which I desire to render thanks; that when that gentleman, the constable, came to me, and said he came about the watch, I said to him, right out at once, * She's cleaned, says I, but wants regulatin ; if Captain Billy is in a hurry for her he can have her, but he had better leave her two lOA THE CLOCKMAKEil. •1 : ifl'j 1 Ml or three days to get the right beat.' And never did 1 deny havin it as a guilty man would have done. And, my lord, said ho, and gentlemen of the jury (and he turned up his ugly cantin mug full round to the box] — I trust I know too well the awful account I must one day give of the deeds done in the flesh to peril my immortal soul for vain, idle, sinful toys; and he held up his hands together, and looked upwards till his eyes turned in like them are ones in a marble statue, and his lips kept amovin some time as if he was lost in in- ward prayer. Well, the constable proved it word for word, and the judge said it did appear that there was some mistake ; at all events it did not ap- pear there was evidence of a felonious takin, and he was acquitted. As soon as it was over. Expected comes to me in the corner, and, says he, quite bold like, Mornin, Slick, how do you do? And then whisperin in my ear, says he. Didn't I do 'em pretty? cuss 'em, — that's all. Let old Connecticut alone yet-~she'8 too much for any on 'em, I know. The truth is, the moment I seed that cussed critter, that constable acomin, I seed his arrand -with half an eye, and had that are story ready-tongued and grooved for him, as quick as wink. Says I, I wish they had ahanged you, with all my heart ; its such critters as you that lower the national character of our free and en- lightened citizens, and degrade it in the eyes of foreigners. The eyes of foreigners be d dl said he. Who cares what they think?— and as for these blu<;nuacs, they ain't able to think. They ain't got two ideas to bless themselves with, — the stupid, punkin-headod, consaited blockheads 1 — cuss me if they have. Well, says I, they ain't such an enlightened people as we are, that's sartain, but that don't justify you a bit; you hadn't ought to have stolen that watch. That was wrong, very wrong indeed. You might have traded with him, and got it for half nothin ; or bought and failed, as some of our im- portin marchants sew up the soft-horned British ; or swapped it and forgot to give the exchange ; or bought it and give your note, and cut stick afore the note became due. There's a thousand ways of doin it honestly and legally, without resortin, as foreigners ^o, to stealin. We are a moral people, — a religious, a high»minded, and a b'gh-r spirited people ; and can do any and all the nations of the universal world out of anything, in the hundred of millions of clever shifts there are in trade ; but as for stealin, I despise it ; it's a low, blackguard, dirty, mean action ; and I must say you're a disgrace to our great nation. An American citizen never steeds, he only gains the advan- tage / f ■!! ITALIAN PAINTINGS. lOU CHAPTER XLIV. ITALIAN PAINTINGS. The next morning we resumed our journey, and travelling through the township of Clements, and crossing Moose and Bear rivers, reached Digby early in the afternoon. It was a most delightful drive. When we left Annapolis the fog was slowly rising from the low grounds and resting on the hills, to gather itself up for a flight into upper air, disclosing, as it departed, ridge after ridge ofTthe Granville Mountain, which lay concealed in its folds, and gradually revealing the broad and beautiful basin that extends from the Jtown to Digby. I am too old now for romance, and, what is worse, I am corpulent. I find, as I grow stout, I grow less imaginative. One cannot serve two masters. 1 longed to climb the mountain peak, to stand where Champlain stood, and imagine the scene as it then was, when his prophetic eye caught revelations of the future ; to visit the holy well where the rite of baptism was first performed in these provinces ; to trace the first encampments, — the ruins of the rude fortifications, — the first battle-ground. But alas! the day is gone. I must leave the field to more youthful competitors. I can gratify my eye as I drive along the road, but I must not venture into the forest. The natural ice-house, — the cascade, — the mountain lake,— the beaver's dam, — the General's bridge, — the aprocryphal Rossignol,— the iron mines, — and last, not least, the Indian antiquities, — in short, each and all of the lions of this interesting place, that require bodily exer- tion to be seen, — I leave to succeeding travellers. I visit men, and not places. Alas I has it come to this at last^ — to gout and port wine ? Be it so : — I will assume the privilege of old age, and talk. At a short distance from the town of Annapolis, we passed the Court House, the scene of Mr. Slick's adventures the preceding day, and found a crowd of country people assembled about the door. More than a hundred horses were tied to the fences on either side of the road, and groups of idlers were seen scattered about on the lawn, either discussing the last verdict, or anticipating the jury in the next. I think, said Mr. Slick, we have a right to boast of the justiciary of our two great nations ; for yourn is a great nation, — that is a fact ; and if all your colonies were joined together, and added on to Old England, she would be most as great a nation as ourn. You have good reason to be proud of your judiciary, said I ; if profound learning, exalted talent, and inflexible integrity can make an establishment respectable, the Supreme Court of the United States is pre-eminently soo THE CLOCKMAKER. ■It m-i If /I, ji* ■fi 8o;aiid i have heard, from those who have the honour of their acquaint' anco, that the judges are no less distinguished for their private worth than their public virtues. I rejoice that it is so, for I consider the justiciary of America as its sheet-anchor. Amidst the incessant change of men and institutions so conspicuous there, this forms a so- litary exception. To the permanency and extensive power of this court you are indebted for the only check you possess, either to po- pular tumult or arbitrary power, aflbrding, as it does, the only eiTec- tual means of controlling the conflicts of the local and general govern- ments, and rendering their movements regular and harmonious. It is so, said he; but your courts and ourn are both tarred with the same stick, — thet/ move too slow. I recollect, once I was in old Kentuck, and a judge was sentencing a man to death for murder : says he, * Sooner or later punishment is sure to overtake the guilty man. The law moves slow, but it is sure and sartain. Justice has been represented with a heel of lead, from its slow and measured pace, but its hand is a hand of iron, and its blow is death. ' Folks said it was a beautiful idea that, and every chap that you met said, Ain't that splendid? — did ever old Mansfield or Ellen Borough come up to that? ' Well, says I, they might come up to that, and not go very far neither. A funny sort o' figure of justice that; when it's so plaguy heavy-heeled, most any one can outrun it; and when its great iron fist strikes so uncommon slow, a chap that's any way spry is e'en •^a'must sure to give it the dodge. No; they ought to clap on more steam. The French courts are the courts for me. I had a case once in Marsailles, and if the judge didn't turn it out of hand ready hooped and headed in less than no time, it's a pity. But I believe 1 must first tell you how I came for to go there. In the latter eend of the year twenty-eight, I think it was, if my memory sarves me, I was in my little back studio to Slickville, with o(T coat, apron on, and sleeves up, as busy as a bee, abronzin and gildin of a clock case, when old Snow, the nigger-help, popped in his^- head in a most a terrible of a conflustrigation, and says he, master,, '/^^ says he, if there ain't Massa Governor and the Gineral at the door, asT/ , I'm alive 1 what on airth shall I say? Well, says I, they haveV'< caught me at a nonplush, that's sartain ; but there's no help for it as ' I see, — shew 'em in. Mornin, says I, gentlemen, how do you do? I am sorry, says I, I didn't know of this pleasure in time to have received you respectfully. You have taken mn at short, that's a fact; and the worst of it is, — I can't shake hands along with you neither, for one hand, you see, is all covered with isle, and t'other with copper bronze. Don't mention it, Mr. Slick, said his excellency, I beg of you ; the fine arts do sometimes require dotergant8,and there is no help for it. But that's a most a beautiful thing, said he, you M-^ J .^■j ^i^< v/. / ITALIAN PAINTINGS. Wt aro adoin of; may I prosume to chatichiso what it is? Why, said I, governor, that landscape on the right, with the groat white two- story house in'it, havin a washin tub of apple sarce on one side, and a cart chockfull of punkin pies on t'other, with the gold letters A. P. over it, is intended to represent this land of promise, our great coun- try Amerika ; und the gold letters A. P. initialise it Airthly Paradise. Well, says he, who is that he one on the left? — I didn't intend them letters H and £ to indicate he at all, said I, tho' I see now they do; I guess I must alter that. That tall graceful figur*, says I, with wings, carryin a long Bowie knife in his right hand, and them small winged figures in the rear, with little rifles, are angels emigratin from heaven to this country. H and £ means heavenly emigrants. Its alle— ^o — ry.— And a beautiful alle— ^o — ry it is, said he, and well calculated to give foreigners a correct notion of our young growin and great Republic. It is a fine conception that. It is worthy of West. How true to life — how much it conveys — how many chords it strikes. It addresses the heart — it's splendid. Hallo! says I to myself, what'^ all this? It made me look up at him. Thinks I to myself, you laid that soft sawder on pretty thick anyhow. I wonder whether you are in rael right down airnest, or whether you are only arter a vote. Says he, Mr. Slick, it was on the subject of pictur's we called. It's a thing Im' enthusiastic upon myself; but my official duties leave me no time to fraternise with the brush. I 've been actilly six weeks adoin of a bunch of grapes on a chair, and it's not yet done. The department of paintin in our Atheneum,— In this risin and flourishin town of Slickville — is placed under the direction of the general and myself, and we propose detailing you to Italy to purchase some originals for our gallery, seein that you are a native artist yourself, and have more practical experience than most of our citizens. There is a great aspiration among our free and enlightened youth for perfection, whether in the arts or sciences. Your expenses will be paid, and; eight dollars a day while absent on this diplomacy. One thing, how-j ever, do pray remember, don't bring any picturs that will evoke a' blush on female cheeks, or cause vartue to stand afore 'em with averted eyes or indignant looks. The statues imported laat year we had to clothe, both male and female, from head to foot, for they ac- tilly came stark naked, and were right down ondecent. One of my factory ladies went into fits on seein 'em, that lasted her a good hour ; she took Jupiter for a rael human, and said she thought she had got into a bathin room, among the men by mistake. Her narves re- ceived a heavy shock, poor critter; she said she never would forget what she seed there the longest day she lived. So none o' your Poti- phar's wives, or Susannahs, or sleepin Yenuses ; such pictuM are repugnant to the high tone o' moral feelin in this country. 1^ ;']«' ■an THE CLOCKMAKEIt Mr Oh Lord ! 1 thouglit I should have split ; I darsn't look up, for fear I should abust out alarfin in his faco, to hear him talk so spooney about that are factory gall. Thinks I to myself, how dclicato she is, ain't she I If a common marble statue threw her into fits, what would . And here he laughed so immoderately it was some time before he resumed intelligibly his story. ' Well, says he at last, if there is one thing 1 hate more nor another it is that cussed mock modesty some galls have, pretendin they don't know nothin. It always shows they know too much. Now, says his excellency, a pictur', Mr. Slick, may exhibit great skill and great beauty, and yet display very little flesh beyond the face and the hands. You apprehend me, don't you ? A nod's as good as a wink, says I, to a blind horse; if I can't see thro' a ladder, I reckon I'm not fit for that mission; and, says I, tho' I say it myself, that shouldn't say it, I must say, I do account myself a considerable of a judge of these matters, — I won't turn my back on any one in my Uno in tho Union. I think so, said he; the alle— ,yo— ry you gist show'dl mo displays taste, tact, and a cojisummate knowledge of the art. Without genius there can be no invention,— no plot without skill,' and no character without the power of discrimination. I should like to associate with you Ebenezer Peck, the Slickville Poet, in this di- plomatic mission, if our funds authorise the exercise of this constitu- tional power of the executive committee, for the fine arts are closely allied, Mr. Slick. Poetry is the music of words, music is the poetry of sounds, and paintin is the poetry of colors ; — what a sweet, in- terestin family they be, ain't they? Wo must locate, domesticate, acclimate, and fraternale them among us. Conceivin an elective governor of a free and enlightened people to rank afore an hereditary prince, I have given you letters of introduction to the ^^^talian princes and the Pope, and have offered to reciprocate their attentions should they visit Slickville. Farewell, my friend, farewell, and fail not to sustain the dignity of this great and enlightened nation abroad — farewell ! A very good man, the governor, and a Qenurvine patriot too, said Mr. Slick. He knowed a good deal about paintin, for he was a sign- painter by trade ; but he often used to wade out too deep, and got over his head jiow and then afore he knowed it. He war'nt the best o' swimmers neither, and sometimes I used to be scared to death for fear he'd go for it afore he'd touch bottom ag'in. Well, off I sot in a vessel to Leghorn, and I laid out there three thousand dollars in pictur's. Rum-lookin old cocks them saints, some on 'em too, with their long beards, bald heads, and hard featur's, bean't they ? but I got a lot of 'em of all sizes. I bought two madonnas, I think they call them— beautiful little picturs they were too, — but the^ child's legs were so naked and ondcccnt, that to please the governor and his factory galls, ITALIAN PAINTINGS MS I had an artist to paint trousers, and a pair of laco boots on him, and \ they look quite genteel now. It improved 'em amazinly ; but the / best o' the joke was those Macaroni rascals secin mo a stranger, thought to do me nicely (most inrarnal cheats thnm dealers too, — walk right into you afore you know where you be). The older a pictur was and the more it was blacked, so you couldn't see the flgurs, the more they axed for it; and they'd talk and jabber away about their Tittyan tints and Guido airs by the hour. How soft wo are, ain't we ? said I, Catch a weasel asleep, will you? Second-hand farnituro don't suit our market. We want picturs, and not things that look a plaguy sight more like the shutters of an old smoke-house than paintins, and 1 hope I may be shot if I didn't get bran new ones for half the price they axed for them rusty old vetrans. Our folks were well pleased with the shipment, and I ought to be too, for I made a trifle in the discount of fiftee. percent, for comin down handsome with the cash on the spot. Our Athencum is worth seein, I tell you; you won't ditto it easy, I know ; it's actilly a sight to behold. But I was agoin to tell you about the French court. Arter I closed the consarn about the picturs, and shipped 'em olT in a Cape codder that was there, I fell in with some of our folks on their way to Lon- don, where I had to go to afoi;p I returned home; so, says I, s'poso we hire a vessel in Co. and go by water to Marsailles ; we'll get on faster and considerable cheaper too, I calculate, than agoin by land. Well, we hired an £^&taliano to take us, and he was to find us in bed, board, and liquor, and we paid him one-third in advance, tu enable him to do it genteel ; but the everlastin villain, as soon as he got us out to sea, gave us no bed-clothes and nothin to eat, and we almost perished with hunger and damp; so when we got to Mar- sailles, Meo friendo, says I, for I had picked up a little ^^^talian, meo friendo, cumma longo alia courto, will you? and I took him by the scruff of the neck and toated him into court. Where is de pappia? says a little skip-jack of a French judge, that was chock full of mns ^ and grimaces like a monkey arter a pinch of snufl*, — where is de pap- pia? So I handed him up the pappia signed by the master, and then proved how he cheated us. No sooner said than done, Mount Shear Bullfrog gave^the case in our favour in two twos, said ^^«taliano had got too much already, cut him oiTthe other two thirds, and made him pay all costs. If he didn't look bumsquabbled it's a pity. It took the rust off of him pretty slick, you may depend. Begar, he says to the skipper, you keep de bargain next time ; you von very grand damne rogue, and he shook his head and grinned like a crocodile, from ear to ear, all mouth and leeth. You may depend, I warn't long at Marsailles arter that. 1 cut stick and off, hot foot for the channel, without stopping to water the horses or liquor the drivers, for fear Eyetal'ukno would walk into my ribs with his stiletto ,.,y^ ♦'vv/k. 201 THE CLOCKMAKER •„ ! «■ |is f: for he was as savage as a white bear afore breakfast. Yes, our courts move loo slow. It was that ruinated Expected Thorne. The first time he was taken up and sent to jail, he was as innocent as a child, but they kept him there so long afore his trial, it broke his spirits, and broke his pride, — and he came out as wicked as a devil. The great secret is speedy justice. We have too much machinery in our courts, and I don't see but what we prize juries beyond their rael valy. One half the time with us they don't onderstand a thing, and the other half they are prejudiced. True, said I, but they are a great safeguard to liberty, and indeed the only one in all cases between the government and the people. The executive can never tyrannise where they cannot convict, and juries never lend themselves to oppression. Tho' a corrupt ministei- may appoint corrupt judges, he can never corrupt a whole people. Well, said he, far be it from me to say tliey are no use, because I know and feel that they be in sartain case» most invaluable, but I mean to say that they are only a drag on bu- siness, and an expensive one too, one half the time. I want no better tribunal to try me or my cases than our supreme judges to Wash- ington, and all I would ax is a resarved right to have a jury when I call for one. That ri^t I never would yield, but that is all I would ax. You can see how the lawyers ^ly each by the way they talk to *em. To the court they are as cool as cucumbers, — dry argument, sound leAsonin, an application to judgment. To the jury, all fire and tow and declamations, — all to the passions, prejudices, and feel- ins. The one they try to convince, they try to do the other. I never heerd tell of judges chalkin. 1 know brother Josiah the lawyer thinks so too. Says he to me once, Sam, says he, they ain't suited to the times now in all cases, and are only needed occasionally. WJien juries first came into vogue there were no judges, but the devil of it is when public opinion runs all one way, in this country you might just as well try to swim up Niagara as to go for to stem it, — it will roll you over and over, and squash you to death at last. You m«Ysay what you like here, Sam, but other folks may do what they like here too. Many a man has hi.d a goose's jacket lined with tar here, that he never bought at the tailor's, and a tight fit it is too, con- siderin its made without measurin. So as I'm for Congress some day or another, why, I gist fall to and flatter the people by chimin in with them. I get up on a stump, or the top of a whiskey barrel, and talk as big as any on 'em about that birth-right — that sheet anchor, that mainstay, that blessed shield, that glorious institution — the rich man's terror, the poor man's hope, the people's pride, the nation's glory— Trial hy Jury. 1 .li.i SHAMPOOING THE ENGLISH. 205 CHAPTER XLV. SnAHPOOING THE ENGLISH. DiGBY is a charming little town. It is the Brighton of Nova Scotia, the resort of the valetudinarians of New Brunswick, who take refuge here from the unrelenting fogs, hopeless sterility, and calcareous waters of St. John. About as pretty a location this for business, said the Clockmaker, as I know on in this country. Digby is the only safe harbour from Blowmedown to Briar Island. Then there is , that everlastin long river runnin away up from the wharfs here ^ " almost across to Minas Basin, bordered with dikes and interval, and ' ' backed up by good upland. A nice, dry, pleasant place for a town, with good water, good air, and the best herrin fishery in America, but it wants one thing to make it go ahead. And pray what is that? said I, for it appears to me to have every natural advantage that can be desired. It wants to be made a free port, said he. They ought to send a delegate to England about it; but the fact is, they don't onderstand diplomacy here, nor the English either. They hav'n't got no talents that way. I guess we may stump the univarse in that line. Our statesmen, I consait, do onderstand it. They go about so beautiful, tack so well, sail so close by the wind, make so little lee-way, shoot ahead so fast, jf draw so little water, keep the lead agoin constant, and a bright look- h^' •, T out a - head always ; it's very seldom you hear o' them runnin aground, I tell ^02^. Hardly anything they take in hand they don't succeed in. How glib they are in the tongue too! how they do lay in the soft sawder 1 Thoy do rub John Bull down so pretty, it does one good to see 'em : they pat him on the back, and stroke him on . // ^^ the cheek, and c<)ax and wheedle and flatter, till they gist get what" ;" '''^\], - t they like out of him; not a word of a threat to Mm tho', for they,), know it won't do. Ht'd as soon fight as eat his dinner, and sooner ^ too, but they tickle him, as the boys at Cape Ann sarve the bladder fish. There's a fish comes ashore there at ebb tide, that the boys catch and tickle, and the more they tickle him the more he fills with wind. Well, he gets blowed up as full as he can hold, and then they just turn him up and give him a crack across the belly with a stick, and off he goes like a pop-gun, and then all the ilittle critters run hoopin and hallowin like ravin distracted mad,— so pleased with foolin the old fish. There are no people in the univarsal world soeloffuent as the Ame- ricans; they beat the ancients all holier; and when vm diplomatists go for to talk it into the British, they do it «>o pretty, it's a sight to ;i i voo THE CLOCKMAKER. ;}:^H. J:- il 7 Of>- fid.': ■Jh 7; J :/ lichold. Dcsccniled, tlicy say, from a common stock, havin one common language, and a community of intcn'sts, they cannot but hope for justice from a power distinguished alike for its honour and its generosity. Indebted to them for the spirit of hberty they enjoy, — for their laws, literature, and religion, — they feel more like allies than aliens, and more like relatives than either. Though unfortu- nate occurrences may have drawn them asunder, with that frank- ness and generosity peculiar to a brave and generous people, both nations have now forgotten and forgiven the past, audit is the duty and theinterestof eachto cultivate these amicable relations, now so happily existing, and to draw closer those bonds which unite two people es- sentially the same in habits and feelings. Though years have rolled by since they left the paternal roof, and the ocean divides them, yet they cannot but look back at the iiouio beyond the waters with a grateful remembrance, — with veneration and respect. Now that's what I call dictionary, said the Glockmaker. It's splen- did penmanship, aint it? When John Adams was minister at the Court of St. Jimes's, how his weak eyo would have sarved him a'ut- terin of this galbanum, wouldn't it? He'd turn round to hide emotion, draw forth his handkerchief and wipe off a manly tear of genuwvw; feelin. It is easy enough to stand a woman's tears, for they weep like children, everlastin sun showers: they cry as bad as if they used a chestnut burr for an eyestone; but to see the tear drawn from the starn natur of man, starlin at the biddin of generous feelin, ihere's no standin that. Oh dearl how John Bull swallers this soft sawder, don't he? I think I see him astandin with his hands in his trousers-pockets, alookin as big as all outdoors, and as sour as cider sot out in the sun for vinegar. At first he looks suspicious and sulky, and then one haughty frown relaxes, and then another, and so on, till all starnness is gone, and his whole face wears one great bene- volent expression, like a full moon, till you can eye him without winkin, and lookin alout as intelligent all the time as a skim milk cheese. Arter his stare is gone, a kind o look comes over his face as if ho thought, Well, now, this d d Yankey sees his error at last, and no mistake; that comes o' that good lickin I gave him last war: there's nothin iike fightin things out. The critter seems humble enough now tho' ; give me your fist, Jonathan, my boy, says he ; don't look so cussed dismal : what is it? Oh, nothin, says our diplomatist; a mere trifle, and he tries to look as onconsarned as possible all the time ; nothin but what your sense of justice, for which you are always distinguished, will grant; a little strip of land, half fog half bog, atwccn the State of Maine and New Brunswick ; it's nothin but wood, water, and snakes, and no lan Scotland. Take it, and sav no more about higgt says I I hope it will bo accepted as a proof of my regard. I don't think SMAMPOOING THE ENGLISH. 207 avin one mnot but inour and ey enjoy, like allies unfortu- at frank- pie, both jdntvand so happily leople OS- JVC rolled them, yet rs with a It's splen- :er at the him a'ut- 3 emotion, genuwine hey weep as if they pawn from lus feelin, this soft nds in his ir as cider md sulky, nd so on, cat bene- n without kim milk lis face as or at last, last war: IS humble says he ; le tries to vhat your ill grant; Inine and , and no lys John ; >n't think nothin of half a colony. And then when our chap gets home to the President, don't ho say, as Expected Thome did of the Blue-noso jury, ' Didnt I do him pretty ? cuss ?mn, that' s all.' Then ho takes Mount-Sheer on another tack. He desires to ex- press the gratitude of a free and enlightened people to the French, — their first ally, their dearest friend, — for enablin them, under Providence, to lay the foundation-stone of their country. They never can forget how kindly, how disinterestedly, they stept in to aid their infant struggles, — to assist them to resist the unnatural tyranny of England, who, while afTectin to protect liberty abroad, was enslavin her children to home. Nothin but the purest feelin, unalloyed by any jealousy of England, dictated that step; it emanated from a virtuous indignation at secin the strong oppress the weak, — from a love of constitutional freedom, — from pure philanthropy. How deeply is seated in American breasts a veneration of the French character 1 how they admire their sincerity, — their good faith, — their stability 1 Well may they be called the Grand Nation! Religious, not bigoted — brave, not rash — dignified, not volatile — great, yet not vain ! Magnanimous in success, — cheerful and resolved under re- verses, — they form the beau-ideal to American youth, who are taught, in their first lessons, to emulate, and imitate, and venerate the virtues of their character ! Don't it run off the tongue like oil ? Soft and slick, ain't it pretty talk? Lord ! how Mount-Sheer skips, and hops, and bows, and smirks when ho hears that are, don't he? How he claps his hand upon his heart, and makes faces like a monkey that's got a pain in his side from swallowin a nut without crackin it. With all other folks, but these great powers, it's a very different tune they sing. They make short metre with them little powers ; they never take the trouble to talk much ; they gist make their demands, and ax them for their answer, right off the reel. H they say, let us hear your reasons? Oh 1 by all means, says our diplomatist, just come along with me ; and he takes the minister under his arm, walks lock and lock with him down to the harbour, claps him aboard a barge, and rov/s him off to one of our little hundred gun sloops of war. Pretty little sloop o' war, that of ourn, I reckon, ain't it? says he. OhI very pretty^ very pretty, indeed, says foreigner; but if that be your little sloop, what must be your ffreat big man'-o'-war? That's just what I was agoin for to say, says Jonathan, — a Leviathan, a Mammoth, blow all creation to atoms a'most, like a hurricane tipt with lightning, and then he looks up to the captain and nods. Says he, captain, I guess you may run out your guns, and he runs them out as quick as wink. These are my reasoiis, says Jonathan, and pretty strong ar- guments too, I guess; that's what I call shewin our teeth; and now you, mister, with a d— — n hard name, your answer, if you please. "*"■»"■'■' '"TTP ' •^.'^'tm'i . iiqp^^p'^H«|Bn t08 THE CLOCKMAKER. mm I You don't understand us, I see, foreigner; wo got chaps in our country, that can stand on one side of the Mississippi, and kill a racoon on t'other side, with a sneeze, — rigular ring-tail roarers : don't provoke us; it wouldn't be over safe, I assure you. We can out-talk thunder, out-run a flash of lightnin, and out-reach all the world — we can whip our weight of wild cats. The British can lick all the world, and we can lick the British. I believe, says he, and he claps his name to the treaty in no time. We made these second- class gentry shell out a considerable of cash, these few years past, on one excuse or another, and frightened some on them, as the naked statue did the factory gall, into fits a'most. But the English we have to soft sawder, for they've got little sloops of war, too, as well as we have ; and not only shew their teeth, but bite like bull-dogs. We sl^ampoo them, — you know what shampooing is, squire, dont you ? It is an Eastern custom, I think, said I : I have heard of it, but I do not retain a very distinct recollection of the practice. Well, said the Clockmaker, I estimate I ought to know what it means any how ? for 1 came plaguy nigh losin my life by it once. When I was gist twenty years old, I took it into my head I'd like to go to sea, ,;^so father got me a berth of supercargo of a whaler at New Bedford, and away we went arter sperm; an amazin long voyage we had of it too — gone nearly three years. Well, we put into Sandwich Island for refreshments; and says the captain, 'Spose we go and call on the queen 1 So all us cabin party went, and dressed ourselves up full fig, and were introduced in due form to the young queen. Well, she was a rael, right-down, pretty lookin heifer, and no mistake; well- dressed and well demeaned, and a plaguy sight clearer skin'd than some white folks — for they bathe every day a'most. Where you'd see one piece of furniture better than her, you'll see fifty worser ones, / know. What is your father, Mr Shleek? says she. A prince, marm, said I. And his'n ugly man's? says she, p'intin to the captain. A prince too, said I, and all his party are princes; fathers all sovereigns to home, — no bigger men than them, neither there nor any where else in the universal world. Then, said she, you all dine wid me to-day; me proud to have de prinches to my table. If she didn't give us a rigular blow-out, it'sapity, and the whole on us were more than half-seas over; for my part, the hot mulled wine actilly made me feel like a prince, and what put me in tip-top spirits was the idea of the hoax I played off on her about our bein princes ; and then my rosy cheeks and youth pleased her fancy, so that she was uncommon civil to me — talked to no one else a'most. Well, when we rose from table (for she stayed there till the wine made her eyes twinkle ag'in), prince Shleek, said she, atakin o' my hand, and put- tin her saucy little mug close up to me (and she raelly did look pretty, SHAMPOOING Til!' ENGLISH. 20) s in our nd kill n roarers : We can fi all the can lick I he, and 5 second- past, on le naked we have ell as we gs. We jnt you ? it, but I i^'ell, said lans any AVhen I ?o to sea, Bedford, i^e had of :h Island \\\ on the up full Veil, she e; well- n'd than ire you'd worser rm, said A prince reigns to lere else to-day; whole on led wine )p spirits princes ; ; she was ill, when her eyes and put- e pretty, 1 all smiles and swcolncss). Prince Shleek, will you have one shampoo? said she. A sliampoo? said I ; to bo surel will, and thank you too ; you arc gist the girl I'd like to sliariipoo, and 1 clapt my arms round lior neck, and gave her a buss that made all ring again^ What tiio dovil arc you al? said the captain, and ho seized me round the waist and luggod me off. ]3o you want to lose your head, you fool, you? said ho: you've carried this joko too far already, without this romp- in — go aboard. It was lucky for me she had a wcp drop in her eye lierself — for arter the first scream she larfed ready to split; says she. No kissy, no kissy — shampoo is shampoo, but kissy is anoder ting. The pise brotight the sarvants in, and says the queen, p'intin to m<^ 'shampoo him' — and they up with me, and into another room, and before I could say Jack Ilobinson, off went my clothes, and I was gelling shampoo'd in airnest. It is done by a gentle pressure, and rubbin all over the body with the hand ; it is delightful — that's a fact, and I was soon asleep. I was pretty well corned that artcrnoon, but still I knew what I was about; and recollected when I awoke the whisper of the captain at parlin — 'Mind your eye, Slick, if ever you want to sec Cape Cod ng'in.' So, airly next mornin, while it was quite moony yet, I went aboard, and the captain soon put to sea, but not before there came a l)oat-load of pigs and two bullocks off to ' Prince Shleek.' So our diplomatists shampoo the English, and put 'em to sleep. How beau- tiful they shampoo'd thorn in the fishery story. It was agreed we was to fish within three leagues of the coast ; but then, says .Tonathan, wood and water, you know, and shelter, when it blows like great guns, are rights of hospitality. You wouldn't refuse us a port in a storm, would you? so noble, so humane, so liberal, so confidin as you be. Certainly not, says John Bull ; it would be inhuman to re- fuse either shelter, wood, or water. Well, then, if there was are a snug little cove not settled, disarted like, would you have any objec- tion to ourdryin our fish there? — they might spile, you know, so far from home; — a little act of kindness like, that would bind us to you for ever and ever, and amen. Certainly, says John, it's very rea- sonable that — you arc perfectly welcome — happy to oblige you. It was all we wanted, an excuse for entorin, and now we are in and out when we please and smuggle like all vengeance: ';ot the whole trade and the whole fishery. It was splendidly done, warn't it? Well, then, we did manage the boundary line capitally too. We know wo haven't got no title to that land — it ivasn i ffiven to us htj the treat ij, audit v;arnt in our jjosscssion iclien wc declared indcjK'ti- device or made peace. But our maxim is, it is better to got things by treaty than by war; it is more Christian-like, and more intellectual. To gain that land, wo asked the navigation of the St. Lawrence and the St. John, which we knew would never be granlid ; but then it 14 210 THE CLOCKMAKEH. ] :i t; i 1 ^ ■si I j: I is I gave us somethin to concede on our part, and brag on as liberal, and if is nateral and right for the English to concede on their side somethin too, — so they will concede the disputed territory. Ah, squirq, said he, your countrymen may have a j^ood heart, and I believe they have; indeed, it would be strange if a full puss didn't make a full heart ; but they have a most plaguy poor head, that's a fact. — This was rather too bad. To be first imposed upon and then ridiculed, was paying rather too heavy a penalty for either negligence or ignorance. There was unhappily too much truth in the remark for me to join in the laugh. If your diplomatists, said I, have in one or two instances been successful by departing from the plain intel- ligible path, and resorting to flattery and cunning (arts in which I regret to say diplomatists of all nations are too apt to indulge], it is a course which carries its own cure ; and, by raising suspicion and dis- trust, will hereafter impose difficulties in their way even when their objects are legitimate and just. I should have thought that the lesson read on a celebrated occasion (which you doubtless remember) by Mr. Canning, would have dictated the necessity of caution for the future. Recollect that confidence once withdrawn is seldom restored again. You have, however, omitted to slate your policy with Russia. — Oh! said he, Old Nick in the North is sarved in the same way. £xcuse me, said I (for I felt piqued], but if you will permit me I will suggest some observations to you relative to Russia that may not have occurred to you. Your diplomatists might address the Emperor thus : May it please your Majesty, there is an astonishing resemblance between our two countries ; in fact there is little or no dilTerence ex- cept in name,— 'the same cast of countenance, same family likeness, same Tartar propensity to change abode. All extremes meet. You take off folk's heads without law, so do our mobs. You send fellows to Siberia, our mobs send them to the devil. No power on airth can restrain you, no power on airth can restrain our mobs. You make laws and break 'em as suits your convenience, so do our lynchers. You don't allow any one to sport opinions you don't hold, or you stifle ihoin and their opinions too. It's just so with us ; our folks forbid all I'kin about niggers ; and if a man forgets himself, he is reminded of l\. by his head supportin his body instead of his heels. You have got a liquorish mouth for fartile lands beyond your borders, so have wc ; niul yet both have got more land than tenants. You foment troubles among your neighbours, and then step in to keep the peace, and hold possession when you get there, so do we. You are a great slave holder, so are we. Folks accuse you ofstealin Poland, the samelibellin villains accuse us ofstealin Texas, and a desire to have Canada too ; and yet the one is as much without foundation as the : other. You plant colonies in Tartar lands, and then drive out the SHAMPOOINf: THE ENGlASM. 211 It owners : we sarvc fhe Indians the same way. You have extarmi- nated some of your enemies, we've extarminated some of ourn. Some folks say your empire will split to pieces— it's too big; the identical , same prophecy they make of us, and one is just about as likely as the j other. Every man in Russia must bow to the pictur of his Emperor; every man must bow to the pictur of our great nation, and stvear through thick and thin he admires it more nor any thing on the face of the airth. Every m«n in Russia may say what he likes if he dare, so he may in the ^/'-nited States. If foreign newspapers abusin Po- /^ -^ ff/i lish matters get into the Russian niail, the mail is broken open and' " V U they are taken out : if abolition papers get into the Southern mail, our v^-^- folks break open the bags and burn 'em, as they did at Charleston. The Law institutes no enquiries in your dominions as to your acts of execution, spoliation, and exile; neither is there any inquest with us on similar acts of our mobs. There is no freedom of the press with you, neither is there with us. If a paper offends you, you stop it : if it offends our sovereigns, they break the machinery, gut the . house, and throw the types into the street ; and if the printer escapes, he may thank God for giving him a good pair of legs. In short, they may say to him — it's generally allowed the freedom of one country is as like the despotism of the other as two peas — no soul could tell the difference ; and therefore there ought to be an actual as there is a na- tural alliance between us. And then the cunnin critters, if they catch him alone when; they won't be overheard, they may soft^sawder him, by tellin him they never knew before the blessin of havin only one tyrant instead of a thousand, and that it is an ajnendment tlney in- tended to propose to the constitution when they return home, and hope they'll yet live to see it. From this specimen, you may easily perceive that it requires no great penetration or ability to deceive even an acute observer whenever recourse is had to imagination for the facts. How far this parallel holds good I leave you to judge; I desire to offer you no offence, but I wish you to understand that all the world are not in love with your republican institutions or your l)eople, and that both are better understood than you seem to suppose. Well, well, says he, I didn't mean to ryle you, I do assure yon; but if you hav'n't made a good story out of a Southern mob or two, neither of which are half as bad as your Bristol riot or Irish {Tdi'^s,—/u^'''i'J>*\ it's a pity. Arter all, said he, I don't know whether it wouldn't com- '^ It 1 l)ort more with our dignity to go strait ahead. I believe it's in po- litics as in other matters, Jtomsty is the best policy. *! .? 21 i THE CLOCKMAKFR ,1 I s I I, . •^ I f I ; *if ■■^.^ /', CHAPTER XLVl. riTTING A FOOT IK IT. Onk amusing trait in the Clockmakcr's chftraclcr was Iiis lovo of contradiction. If you suggested any objection to the American go- vernment lie immediately put himself on the defensive; and if hard pressed, extricated himself by changing the topic. At the same time lie >vould seldom allow me to pass a eulogy upon it without affecting to consider the praise as misapplied, and as another instance of * our not understanding them.' In the course of our conversation I hap- pened to observe that the American government was certainly a very cheap one ; and that the economy practised in the expenditure of the jMiblic revenue, tho' in some instances carried so far as to border ou meanness, was certainly a very just subject of national pride. Ah, said he, 1 always said,; ' you don't understand us.' Now it happens that this is one of the few things, if you were only availed of it, that ,,,,. you could fault us in. It is about the most costly government in the world, considering our means. We are actilly eat up by it — it is a most plaguy sore, and has spread so like statiee that it has got its root into the very core. Cheap government 1 — well, come, that beats all 1 ! I should like to know, said 1, how you can make that appear, for the salaries paid to your public officers are not only small, but ab- solutely mean; ..nd, in my opinion, wholly inadequate to procure tho services of the best and most efficient men. Well, said he, which costs most, to keep one good horse well, or half a dozen poor ones ill, or to keep ten rael complete good servants, or fifty lazy, idle, do- nothin critters ? because that's gist our case, — we have too many of 'cm all together. We have twenty-four independent states, beside the general government ; we have therefore twenty-five presidents, twenty-five secretaries of state, twenty-five treasurers, twenty-five senates, twenty-five houses of representatives, and fifty attorney ge- nerals, and all our legislators are paid, every soul of 'em ; and so are our magistrates, for they all take fees and seek the office for pay, so that we have as many paid legislators as soldiers, and as numy judges of all sorts and sizes as sailors in our navy. Put all these expenses together, of state government, and general government, and see what an awful sum it conies to, and then tell me it's a cheap govern- ment. True, said I, but you have not that enormous item of ex- penditure known in England under the name of half pay. We have more officers of the navy on half pay than you have in your navy al- PUTTING A FOOT IN IT. '213 )r ones e, do- lany of beside dents, y-five icy ge- soare % so udges penses what overn- of ex- havo vy al- together. So much the better for you, says he, for ourn arc all on full pay, and when they ain't cni|)loyed we set 'oin down as absont on leaVe. Which costs the most, do you suppose? That comes of not calUti things by their right names, you see. Our folks know this, but our popularity scekin patriots have all their own interest in multiplyin these odioes; yes, our folks have put their foot in it; that's a fact. They cling to it as the bear did to Jack Fogler's mill-saw, and I guess it will sarve them the same way. Did I never tell you that are story ? for I'm most afcard sometimes I've got father's fashion of tellin my stories over twice. No, said I, it is new to me; I have never heard it. Well says he, I will toll you Uow it was. Jack Fogler lives to Nictau-road, and he keeps a saw-mill and tavern ; he's a sneezer that feller ; he's near hand to seven feet high, with shoulders as broad as a barn-door; he is a giant, that's a fact, and can twitch a mill-log as easy as a yoke of oxen can -nothin /. " never stops him. But that's not all, for I've seen a man as big as all out doors afore him; but ho has a foot that beats all— folks call him the man with tiie fuot. The first time I seed him I could not keep my eyes otTof it. I actilly could not think of any thing else. Well, says I, Jack, your foot is a whopper, that's a fact; I never v seed the beat of that in all my born days, — it beats Gasper Zwicher's all holler, and his is so big, folks say he has to haul his trousers on L- >' over his head. Yes, says he, lawyer Yule says it passes all imdcr- stand'm. Well, he has a darter most as big as he is, but for all that she is near about as pretty a gall a» I ever laid eyes on, but she has her father's foot; and, poor thing, she can't bear to hear tell of it. I mind once when I came there, there was no one to home, and [ had to see to old Clay myself; and arter I had done, I went in and sut down by the tire and lighted a cigar. Arter a while in come Lucy, looking pretty tired. Why, said I, Lucy, dear, whereon airth have you been ? you look pretty well beat out. Why, says she, the bears are plaguy thick this while past, and have killed some of our sheep so 1 went to the woods to drive the flock home ag'in night-fall, and, fogs! I lost my way. I've been gone ever so long, and I don't know as I'd even afound my way out ag'in, if I hadn't a met Bill Zink alookin up his sheep, and he shewed me the way out. Thinks I to myself, let the galls alone for an excuse; I see how the cat jumps. Well, says I, Lucy, you are about the luckiest gall I over seed. Possible, says she; — how's that? Why, says I, many's the gall I've known that's lost her way with a sweetheart afore now, and got on the wrong track; but you're the first one ever I seed that got put on the right way by one, any how. Well, she larfed, and says she, you men always suspect evil; it shows how bad you must be yourselves. Perhaps it may be so, says T, but mind your eye, and take care you donU put //our foot in it. She looked at me the // >^: 214 THE CLOCKMAKER. I ' i ^ m ■ s7ijt you want blic, and npt to put What he PUTTING A FOOT IN IT. •215 loses one way he makes up another; if he can't get it out of his pay, he takes it out of parrjucsitcs, jobs, patronage, or somethin or an- other. Folks won't sarve the public lor nothin, no more than they will each other free-gratis. An honest man won't take office, if it won't support him properly, but a dishonest one will, 'cause he won't stand about trifles, but goes the whole iigur — and when; you have a good many such critters as public sarvants — why, a little slip of the pen or trip of the foot, ain't thought nuthin of, and the tone of public feelin is lowered, till at last folks judge of a man's dishonesty by the 'cuteness of it. If the slight-o'-hand ain't well done, they say, when he is detected, he is a fool — cuss him it sarves him right ; but if it is done so slick that you can't hardly see it even when it's done afore your eyes, people say, a fine bold stroke that— splendid business talent— that man — considerable powers — a risin character, — eend by liein a great man in the long un. You recollect the story of the quaker and his insurance, don't you? He had a vessel to sea that he hadn't heerd of for a considerable timf", and he was most plaguily afeerd she had gone for it; se he sent an order to his broker lo insure her. Well, next day he larnt for sartain that she was lost, so what does he do but writes to his broker, as if he meant to save the premium by rccallin the order : If thee hast not insured, thee need'st not do it, esteemed friend, for I have heerd of the vessel. The broker, thinkin it would be all clear gain, falls right into the trap ; tells him his letter came too late, for he had elTected the insurance half an hour afore it arrived. Verily, I am sorry for thee, friend, said the quaker, if that be the case, for a heavy loss will fall on thee; of a sartainty I have heerd of the vessel, but she is lost. Now that was what I call handsom ; it showed great talents that, ilnd a knowledge of human natur and soft sawder. T thought, said I, that your annual parliaments, universal suflrage, and system of rotation of oflice, had a tendency to prevent corruption, by removing the means and the opportunity to any extent. Well, it would, perhaps, to a certain point, said the Clockmaker, if you knew where that point was, and could stop there ; but wherever it is, I am afeerd we have passod it. Annual parliaments bring in so many raw hands every year, that they are gist like pawns in the game of. /X^ chess, only lit for tools to move about and count while the game is played by the bij^ger ones. They get so puzzled — the critters, with the forms o' the house, that they put me in mind of a feller standin up for the (irst time in a quadrille. One tells him to cross over here, and afore he gets there another calls him back ag'in ; one pushes him to the right, and another to the left; he runs agin every body, and every body runs ag'in him ; he treads on the heels of the galls, and takes their skin and their shoes o(T, and thoy tread on his toes, and fc'i^i 7) ft a: h : >■; 8IU TIIF. CLOCU.MAKEIt. -.1 If^Z-Y/ ruturii thu ooiit|iliii)(>nt to his corns ; ho is no good in natiir, ex(>t'|)( to Lolhor folks nnd put thoin out. Tho old hands that have hoiMi ihcro afore, and cut their eye-leeth, know how to ham these critters, und make 'em lelievo tho moon is made of ;^ro(Mi cheese. That gives Kreat power to th'j master movers, and they are enahled to spikelato handsum in land stock, hank stock, or any other corporate stock, for they can raise or depress the article gist as they please hy legislativo action. There was a grand hjgislative speck made not long since, called tho pre-emption speck. A law was passed, that all who had settled on government lands without title, should have a right of pre- emption at a very reduced price, helow common upset sum, if appli- cation was made on a particular day. The johbers watched the law very sharp, and the moment it passed, olT they sot with their gangs of men and a magist'-ate, camped out all night on the wild land, made the allldavits of settlement, and run on till they went over ' "a'most — a deuce of a tract of country, that was all picked out afore- hand for them ; then returned their aiTidavits to the oilice, got the land at pre-emption rate, and turned right round and sold it at market price — pocketed tho dillerence — and netted a most handsum thing by the spec. ' n.^r. *.-., ^.. .'c.^/^w, Them pet banks was another splendid affair ; it deluged the land with corruption that, — it was too bad to think on. When the govern- ment is in the many, as with us, and rotation of oilice is the order of tho day, there is a nateral tendency to multiply olTices, so that every one can get his share of *eni, and it increases expenses, breeds plTice-seekers, and corrupts the whole mass. It is in politics as in I farmin, — one large farm is worked at much less expense and much 'greater profit, and is better in many ways, than half a dozen small ones ; and the head fanner is a more 'sponsible man, and better to do in the world, and more intluence thnn the imall fry. Things are Letter done too on 7iis farm — tho tools are better : the teams are better, and the crops are better : it's better altogether. Our (irsl- rate men ain't in politics with us. It don't pay 'em, and they won't go thro' the mill for it. Our principle is to consider all public men rogues, and to watch 'em well that they keep straight. Well, I ain't jist altogether certified that this don't help to make 'em rogues; \where ther^ is no cotijidencc, th're can he no koncsff/ ; locks and keys are good things, but if you can't never trust a sarvant with a key ho don't think the belter of his master for all his suspicions, and is (plaguy apt to get a key of his own. Then they do get such a drill thro' the press, that no man that thinks any great shakes of himself can stand it. A feller must have a hide as thick as a bull's to bear all the lashing our public men get tho whole blessed time, and if ho (fan bear it without winkin, it's more pcrluips than his lauiiiy can. ITTTlNtJ A FOOT IN IT. *J17 TluTu's iiolhin in onico that's worth it. So our best men ain't in ollh-e — they enii't submit to it. I know a judge of the state court of Now York, a first chop man (no, give it up, and take the onUeofclork in the identical same court. lie said he couldn't alTord to lo a judge ; it was only them who coiddn't make a livin by their practice that it would suit. No, scjuiro, it would bo a Ions' story to go through the whole thing; but we ain't the cheapest government in the world,— that's a fact. When you come to visit us and go deep into the matter, and see general government and state government, and local taxes and gineral taxes, although the items are small, the sum total is a'most a swingin largo one, I tell you. You take a shop account, and read it over. Well, the thing appears reasonable enough, and cheap enough ; but if you have been arunnin in and out pretty often, and goin the whole ligur, add it up to the bottom, and if it don't make you staro and look corner ways, it's a pity. What made me first of all think o' those things, was soein how they got on in the colonies : why, the critters don't pay no taxes at all a'most — they actilly don't desarve the name o' taxes. Thpy don't know how well they're ofl'^lhat's sartin. I mind when I used to bo agrumblin to home when I was a body about knee high to a goose or so, father used to say, Sam, if you want to know how lo valy home, you should go abroad for a while among strangers. It ain't all gold that glitters, my boy. You'd soon find out what a nice homo you've got; for mind what I tell you, home is home, however homely, — that's a fact. These Bluc-noscs ought to bo jist sent away from home a little while; if they were, when they returned, I guess, they'd lam how to valy their location. It's a lawful colony this, — things do go on rig'lar, — a feller can rely on law here to de- fend his property,— ho needn't do as I seed a squatter to Ohio do once. I had stoptathis house one day to bait my horse; and in the course of conversation about matters and things in gineral, says f, What's your title? is it from government or purchased from set- tlers?— I'll tell you, Mr. Slick, he says, what my title is,— and he went in and took his rifle down and brought it to the door. Do you sec that are hen, said he, with the topknot on, afeedin by the fence there? — Yes, says I, I do. — Well, says he, see that; and he put a ball right through the head of it. That, said he, I reckon is my title ; and that's the way I'll sarveany tarnalion scoundrel that goes lor to meddle with it. Says I, if that's your title, depend on it you won't have many fellers troublin you with claims. — I rather guess not, said he, larfin ; and the lawyers won't be over forrard to buy such claims on spekilation, — and ho wiped his rifle, reloaded her, and hung her up ag'in. There's nothin of that kind hero. liut as touchin the matter o' cheap government, why, it's as wdl 218 THE CLOCKMAKER. iiii as not for our folks to hold out that ourn is so; but the truth is, atwecn you and me, though I wouldn't like you to let on to any one I said so, the trut'i is, somehow or another, wove put our foot in it — that's a fad. " . / J' >■' (, i V**' CHAPTER XLVIl. ENGl-lSn AUISTOCKACY AND YANKEE MOBOCRACY. When wo have taken our tower, said the Clockmaker, I estimate 1 will return to the ^-nited States for good and all. You had ought to visit our great nation, you may depend : it's the most splendid location atwcen the poles. History can't show nothin like it: you might bile all creation down to an essence, and not get such a concrete as Now England. It's a sight to behold twelve millions of free and enlightened citizens, and I guess we shall have all these provinces, and all South America. There is no eend to us; old Rome, that folks made such a touss about, was nothin to us — it warn't fit to hold a candle to our federal government, — that's a fact. 1 intend, said I, to do so before I go to Europe, and may perhaps avail myself of your kind offer to accompany me. Is an Englishman well received in your country now? Well, he is now, said Mr. Slick ; the last ^war did that; we licked the British into a respect for us : and if it I warn't that they are so plaguy jealous of our factories, and so invyus ( of our freedom, I guess we should be considerable sociable, but they ' can't stomach our glorious institutions no how. They don't tinder- stond us. Father and our minister used to have great arguments about the British. Father liated them like pyson, as most of our revolutionary heroes did; but minister used to stand up for 'em con- siderable stiff. I mind one evenin arter hay harvest, father said to me, Sam, said he, 'spose we go down and see minister ; I guess he's a little milfey with me, for I brought him up all standin t'other night by sayin tho English were a damned overbearin tyrannical race, and he hadn't another word to say. When you make use of such language as that are, Colonel Slick, said he, there's an eend of all conversation. — I allow it is very disrespectful to swear afore a minister, and very on- handsum to do so at all, and I don't approbate such talk at no rate. So we will drop the subject if you please. Well, I got pretty f^rumi)y ^ t. ' and we paried in a huff. I think myself, says father, it warn'l y jjfef ty to swear afore him ; for Sam, if there is a good man agoin it is ntinister, — that's a fact. But, Sam, savs he, we military men,- xi\i\ he straiulilencd himself ni> ooitsideral'l ■ s!ilV. and pulled np his ENGLISH ARISTOCRACY. •ilU collar, and looked as fierce as a lion, — we military men, says lie, have a habit of rappin out an oath now and then. Very few of our heroes didn't swear; I recollect that tarnation fire-eater, Gineral Gates, when he was in our sarvice, ordered me once to attack a British out- post, and I didn't much more than half like it. (lineral, says I, there's a plaguy stone wall there, and the British have lined it, I guess; ana 1 'm athinkin it ain't altogether gist safe to go too near it. D — m — n, — Captain Slick, says he, — (I was gist made a Captain then) — d — m — n, — Captain Slick, says he, ain't there two sides to a stone wall? Don't let me hear the like ag'in from you, said he. Captain, or I hope I may be tetotally and efrectually d — d if I don't break you — 1 I will, by gosh 1 He warn't a man to be trifled with, you may depend ; so I drew up my company, and made at the wall double quick, oxpectin every minit would be our last. Gist as we go!;: near the fence, I hcerd a scramblin and a scuddin behind it, and I said, now, says I, for'ard, my boys, for your lives ! hot foot, and down onder the fence on your bellies ! and then wo shall be as safe as they be, and p'rhaps we can loophole 'em. Well, -^ we gist hit it, and got there without a shot, and down on our faces , as flat as flounders. Presently we heerd the British run for dear life, and take right back across the road, full split. Now, says I, my hearties, up and let drive at 'em, right over the wall ! Well, we got on our knees, and cocked our guns, so as to have all ready, and then we jump'd i;p an eend ; and seein nothin but a great cloud o' dust, we fired right into it, and down we heerd 'em tumble; and when tho •' dust cloar'd oir, we saw the matter o' twenty white breeches turneil up to usspj;awlinon the ground. Gist at that moment we heerd throe cheers from the inemy at the fort, and a great shout of larfin from our army too; they haw-haweJ like thimder. Well, says I, as soon as I could see, if that don't bang the bush. I'll be darn'd if it ain't a flock of sheep belongin to Elder Solomon Longstafl", arter all, — and if we ain't killed the matter of a score of 'em too, i dead as mutton ; that's a fact. Well, we returned considerable do ,♦ /^ ^n the mouth, and says the gineral, captain, says he, I guessyou made the enemy look pretty sheepish, didn't you? Well, if the officers didn't larf, it's a pity ; and says a Varginy officer that was there, in a sort of half-whisper, that wall was well lined, you may depend — sheep on one side end asses on the other! Says I, stranger, you had better not say that are ag'in, or I'll GiRtlemen,saysthe gineral, rcsarvo your heat for the inemy; no quarrels among ourselves — and he rode oir, havin first whispered in my ear, Do yen hear, captain, d — p youl there are two sides to a wall. Yes, says I gineral, and two sides to a story too. And don't, for gracious' sake, say any more about it. Yes, we military men all swears a fov , — it's the practice ,. il, >. X'-v-' A 7^ 1 :'■■■■.. J 220 THE CLOCKMAKEIl. l!Hi of the camp, and seems kinder nateral. Rut I 'II go and make frtends with minister. Well, wo walked down to Mr. HopeweH's, and we found him in a little summer house, all covered over with honeysuckle, as !)usy as you please with a book he was astudyin, and as soon as ho scod us he laid it down and came out to meet us. Colonel Slick, says ho, I owe you an apology, I believe; I consait I spoke too abrupt to you t'other evenin. I ought to have made some allowance for the ardour of one of our military heroes. Well, it took father all aback that, for he know'd it was him that was to blame, and not minister, so ho began to say that it was him that ought to ax pardon ; but minister wouldn't hear a word, — (he was all humility was minister — he had no more pride than a babe) — and says he. Come, colonel, walk in and sit down here, and we will see if we cannot muster a bottle of cider for you, for I lake this visit very kind of you. Well, he brought out the cider, and we sot down quite sociable like. Now, says he, colonel, what news have you ? Well, say? father, neighbour Dcarboiirn tells mo that he heerd from excellent authority that he can't doubt, when he was to England, that King George the Third has been dead these two years : but his ministers darsen't let the people know it, for frar of a revolution ; so they have given out that he took the loss of these States so much to heart, and fretted and carried on so about it, that he ain't able to do business no more, and that they are obliged to keep him included. They say the people want to have a government gist like ourn, but the lords and great folks won't let 'em, — and that if a poor man lays by a few dollars, the nobles send and take it right away, for fear they should buy powder and shot with it. It's awful to think on, ain't it? I allow the British are about the most enslaved, oppressed, ignorant, and miserable folks on the face of creation. You mustn't believe all you hear, said minister; depend upon it, there ain't a word of truth in it. I have been a good deal in Eng-^ land, and I do assure you, lliey are as free as we be, and a most a plaguy sight richer, stronger, and wiser. Their government con- venes them better than ourn would, and I must say there be some things in it I like better than ourn too. Now, says he, colonel, I'll pint out to you where they have a'most an amazin advantage over us hero in America. First of all, there is the King on his throne, an hereditary King, — a born King, — the head of his people, and not the head of a party; not supported, right or wrong, by one side be- < ause they chose him, — nor hated and oppressed, right or wrong, by t'other because they don't vole for him; but loved and supported by d regarded 'o » by don't know nothin of in our country, — a feelin of loyalty. Yes, sayb' ENGLISH ARISTOCRACY 221 father, and thny don't care whether it's a man, woman, or child; — the ignorant, hcnighted critters. They are considerable sure, says minister, he ain't a rogue at any rate. Well, the nextlinkinthechain (Chains enough, poor wretches ! says father; hut it's good enough for 'em tho', I guess) — Well, the next link in the chain is the nobility, independent of the crown on one side, and the people on the other ; a body distinguished for its wealth, — its learnin,*— its munificence, — its high honour, — and all ♦he great and good qualities that ennoble the human heart. Yes, says father, and yet they can sally Out o* their castles, seize travellers, and rob 'em of a, I they have; hav'n't they got the whole country enslaved? — the debauched, profligate, effeminate^ tyrannical gang as fhey be; and see what mean offices they do fill about the King's parson. They put me in mind of my son Eldad when he went to l.irn Ihe doctors' trade,— Ihey took him the first winter to the dis- .«ectin room. So in the spring, says I, Eldad, says I, how do you get on? Why, says he, father, I 've only had my first lesson yet. What is that? says I. Why, says he, when the doctors are dissectin of a carcass of cold meat (for that's the name a subject goes by), I have to stand by 'em and keep my hands clean, to wipe their noses, give 'em snuff, and light cigars for 'em ; — and the snuff sets 'em asneezin so, I have to be awipin of their noses everlastinly. It's a dirty Lusiness, that's a fact ; — but dissectin is a dirty affair, I guess, J altogethor. Well, by all accounts the nobility fill offices as mean as ; the doctor. ' apprentices do the first winter. I tell you, these are mere lies, says minister, got up here by a party^ . toinllueno tv- ig'in the British. Well, welll said father, go on,^y, and l\c 'ihrew one leg over the other, tilled back in his chair, foIde4'^'^ his arms ov(;r his breast, and looked as detarmined as if he thought- — now you may gist talk till you are hoarse, if you like, but you won't convinc ; me, I can tell you. Then there is an Established Church, containin a body o' men distinguished for their piety and larnin, uniform p;actice, Christian lives, and consistent conduct : gist a beach that keeps off the assaults of the waves o' infidelity and enthusiasm from the Christian harbour within — the great bulwark and break\v:T?er that protects and shelters Protestantism in tho world. Oh (U rl Oh dear! said father, and he looked over to me, quite streak^'?, ^.s mtich as to say. Now, Sam, do only hear the nonsense that af ' ki criiter is atalkin of: ain't it horrid? Then there is the gentry, and a fne, honorable, manly, hospitable, independent race they be; all on 'em suns in their little spheres, illuminatin, warmin, and cheerin all within their reach. Old families, attached to ail around them, and all attached to them, both them and the people recollec'iin that there have been twenty generations ol n kind land- lords, good neighbours, liberal patrons, indulgent masttM.s; or if any >»•) 'if ,1 '2ii THE clockmakek. m li of 'cm went abroad, heroes by lwU\ and by flood. Yes, says faUier, and they carried back sometbin to jrag on from Bunker's Hill, 1 Siiess, didn't they? We spoilt the pretty faces of some of their land- lords, that hitch, any how, — ay, and their tenants too; hang me if we didn't. When I was at Bun Then there is the professional men, rich marchants, and opulent factorists, all so many out-works to the king, and all to be beat down afore you can get at the throne. Well, all these blend and mix, and are entwined and interwoven together, and make that great, harmonious, beautiful, social, and political machine, the British constitution. The children of nobles ain't nobles — (I guess not, \ says father, — why shouK^ ihey be? ain't all mon free and equal? V read Jeflerson's declara — ^ 'it they have to mix with the com- mons, and become commoner' tbencselves, and part of the groat general mass — (and enough to pyson thewhole mass too, said father, gist yeast enough to farment it, and spile the whole batch).— Quite the revarse, says minister; to use a homely simile, it's like a piece of fat pork thrown into a boilin kettle of maple syrup : it checks the bubblin and makes the boilin subside, and not run over. Well, you see, by the House o' Lords gettin recruits from able commoners, and the commoners gettin recruits from the young nobility, by in- termarriage — and by the gradual branchin oil" of the young people of both sexes, it becomes the people's nobility, and not the k'm(fs nobility^ sympathisin with both, but independent of either. That's gist the diflercnce 'atwcen them and foreigners on the Continent ; that's the secret of their power, popularity, and strength. The kini,' leans on *em, and the people leans on 'em — they are the key-stone of the arch. They don't stand alone, a high cold snowy peak, a' overlookin of the world Ifeneath, and athrowin a dark deep shadow o'er the rich and fertile regions below it. They ain't like the cornish of a room, pretty to look at, but of no airthly use whatever; a thinfj; you could pull away, and leave the room standin, gist as well with- out, but they are the pillars of the state — the fiooted, and grooved, and carved, and ornamental, but solid pillars — you can't take away the pillars, or the state comes down — you can't cut out the flootin, or groovin, or carvin, for it's in so deep you'd have to cut the pillars away to nothin a' most to get it out. Well, says father, araisin of his voice till he screamed, have you nothin, sir, to praise to home, sir? I think you whitewashed that British sepulchre of rottenness and corruption, that House o' Lords, pretty well, and painted the .harlot's eldest darter, till she looks as llarnty as the old one of Babylon herself; let's have a touch o' your brush to home now, will you? You don't onderstand me yet. Colonel Slick, said he; I want to show you sometbin in the workin o' the machinery you ain't thought of, I know. Pfow, you see, colonel, all these parts I described are ENGLISH ARISTOCRACY. i'2'i checks we ain't got — (and I trust in God we never shall, says father — we want no check — nothin can never stop us, but the limits o' creation] — and we ain't provised any in their place, and I don't see what on airth we shall do for these drag-chains on popular opinion. There's nothin here to make it of, — nothin in the natur of things to substitute, — nothin invented, or capable of the wear-and-tear, if in- veiited, that will be the least morsel of use in the world. Explain what you mean, for gracious sake, says father, for I don't onder- stand one word of what you are asayin of : who dares talk of chains to popular opinion of twelve million of free and enlightened citizens? Well, says minister, gist see here, colonel, instead of all these gra- dations and circles^ and what not, they've got in ILngland — each havin its own principle of action, harmonizin with one another, yet essentially independant— we got but one class, one mass, one people. Some natur' has made a little smarter than others, and some educa- tion has distinguished ; some are a little richer, some a little poorer — but still we have nothin but a mass, a populace, a people; all alike in great essentials, all havin the same power, same rights, same privi- leges, and of course same feelins: — call it what you wi/l, it's a populace, in fact. Our name is Legion, says father, ajumpin up in a great rage. Yes, sir, legion is our name — we have twelve millions of freemen, ready to march to the utmost limits o' creation, and fight the devil himself if he was there, with all his hosts; and I'm the man to lead 'em, sir; I'm the boy that gist will do it. Rear rank, take open order, right shoulders for'ard, — march I And the old man begun to step out as if he was aleadin of 'em on their way ag'in old Nick, — whistling Yankee-doodle all the time, and lookin as fierce as if he could whip his weight in wild cats. Well, says minister, I guess you won't have to go quite so far to find the devils to fight with as the eend of crea- tion neither; you'll find them nearer to home than you're athinkin on some o' these days, you may depend. But, colonel, our people present one smooth, unbroken surface — do you see? — of the same uniform materials, which is acted on all over alike by one impulse. It's like a lake. Well, one gust o' wind sweeps all over it, and puts all in agitation, and makes the waters look angry and dangerous— (and shaller waters makes the ugliest seas always] . Well, as soon as th'j squall is over, what a' most a beautiful pitchin and heavin there is foi a while, and then down it all comes as calm and as stagnant and tiresome as you please. That's our case. There is nothin to check popular commotion 'lere, nothin to in- lUience it for good, but much to infiuence it for evil. There is one tone and one key here ; strike the octaves where you like, and when you like, and they all accord. The press can lash us up to a fury here in two twos any day, be- T^ iU THE CLOCKMAKER. «! canso a chord struck nt Maine vibratos in Florida, and when once roiiscd,and our dander fairly up, where arc the hoJit^s above all this commotion, that can soften, moderate, control, or even influence it? The law, we see, is too feeble ; people disregard it ; tht clergy can't, for if they dare to disagree with their flocks, their flocks drive 'cm out of the pastur' in little less than half no time ; the legislators can't, for they are parts of the same turbid water themselves; the presi- dent can't, for he is nothiu but a heap of froth thrown up by con- flictin eddies at the central point, and floats with the stream that generated him. He has no motion of himself, no locomotive power. It ain't the drift-log that directs the river to the sea, but the river that carries the drift-log on its back. Now in England, a lyin, agitatin, wicked press, demagogues and political jugglers, and them sort o' cattle, finds a check in the Executive, the great, Ihe lamed, the virtuous, the prudent, and the well-established nobility, church, and gentry. It can't deceive tliem, they are too well informed ; — it can't agitate them, for they don't act from impulse, but from reason. It can't overturn 'em, foi ?;iey iire too strong. Nothin can move so many different bodies but somelhin gcnuieme and good, somethin that comes recommended by common sense for the j)ul)lic weal by its intrinsic excellence. Then the clergy bless it, the nobles sanc- tion il, and the king executes it. It's a well-constructed piece o' machinery that, colonel, and I hope they won't go adabblin too much with it, — thn'es noilun like Icavhi alVs well alone. I'll suppose a case now: — If the French in Canada were to rebel — as they will, like th«it priest that walked on crutches till they (decled him Pojie, and when he got into the chair he up crutches and let 'cm fly at the heads of the cardinals, and told 'em to clear out, or he'd kick 'em out, — they'll rebel as soon as Ihey can walk alone, for the British have made 'em a French colony instead of an English one, and then they'll throw away their crutches. If they do rebel, see if our people don't go to war, tho' th3 government is to peace. They'll do gist as they please, and nothin can stop 'em. What do they care for a President's proclamation, or a marshal's advertise- ments? they'd lynch one, or tar and feather the other of those chaps as quick as wink, if they dared to stand in the way one minit. No; we want the influence of an independant united clergy — of a gentry, of an upper class, of a permanent one too, — of a somethin or another, in short, we hav'n't got, and I fear never will get. What little check we had in Washington's time is now lost; our senate has de- generated into a mere second hoiise of representatives ; our legislators aie nothin but speakin trumjiets for the mobs outside to yell and howl thro. The British Government is like its oak ; it has its roots spread out far and wide, and is supported and nourished on all sides, besides its tap-roots that \\\\\ right straight down into the ground — (lor all ENGLISH ARISTOCRACY. 2:'5 i hard-wood trees have tap-roots, you know). Well, when a popular storm comes, it bends to the blast, do you see'? till its fury is spent ; — it gets a few leaves shook down, and perhaps a rotten branch or two twisted off; but when the storm is o'er there it is ag'in bolt up- right — as straight and as stiff as a poker. But our government is like one of our forest trees, — all top and no branches, or downward roots, but a long, sUjji stalk, with a broom-head, fed by a few superficial^'^', ' fibres, the air and the rain ; and when the popular gust comes it^^^-^^^^^ blows it right over, — a great, onwieldy windfall, smashin all afore it, and breakin itself all up to pieces. , It's too holler and knotty to saw or to split, or to rip, and too shaky to plane, or to do anythint^w^*-!.. with — all its strength lies in growin close alongside of others; but ifK^^'-*"^^ grows too quick, and too thick, to be strong. It Jias no intrinsic \j'^'^ strength; — some folks to England ain't up to this themselves, and raelly talk like fools. They talk as if they were in a republic instead of a limited monarchy. If ever they get upsot, mark my words, colonel, the squall won't come out of royalty, aristocracy, or prelacy, but out o' democracy, — and a plaguy squally sea der.ocracy is, I tell you : wind gets up in a minit; you can't show a rag of sail to it, and if you don't keep a bright look-out, and shorten sail in time, you're wrecked or swamped afore you know where you be. I'd rather live onder an absolute monarch any day than in a democracy, for one tyrant is better nor a thousand ; oppression is better nor anarchy, and hard law better nor no law at all. Minister, says father (and he put his hands on his knees, and rose up slowly, till he stretched himself all out), I have sot here and heerd more abuse of our great nation, and our free and enhghtened citizens, from you this ev'nin, than I ever thought I could have taken from any livin soul breathin ; it's more than I can cleverly swaller, or disgest either, I tell you. Now, sir, says he, and he brought his two heels close together, and taking hold of his coat-tail with his left hand, brought his right hand slowly round to it, and then lifted it gradually up as if he was drawin out a sword, — and now, sir, said he, makin a lounge into the air with his arm, — now, sir, if you were not a clergyman, you should answer it to me with your life — you should, I snore. Its nothin but your cloth protects you, and an old friendship that has subsisted atween us for many years. You revolutionary heroes, colonel, says minister, smilin, are covered with too much glory to require any aid from private quarrels : put up your sword, colonel, put it up, my good friend, and let us see how the cyder is. I have talked so much ; ,, my mouth feels considerably rusty about the hinges, I vow. I guess (^) v" ,; ■'./• we had, says father, quite mollified by that arc little revolutionary v;^-^ " hero, — and I will sheathe it ; and he went thro the form of putting a sword into the scabbard, and fetched his two hands together with a click that sounded amazinly like the rael thing. Fill your glass, 15 290 THE CLOCKMAKER. ■IT-^, •-//• '*>/i.* ii,;2l<" 1*1 111 i?i: »lf » colonel, says minister, fill your glass, and I will give yoii a toast r-^ { May our government never degenerate into a moh, nor our mobs 1' grow strong enough to become our government. CHAPTER XLVIII. THE CONFESSIONS OF A DEPOSED MINISTER. Since I parted with you, squire, at Windsor, last fall, I've been lo home. There's been an awful smash among the banks in the Slates, . — they've been blowed over, and snapped off, and torn up by the / ' roots like the pines to the southward in a tornado : — awful work, you may depend. Everything prostrated as flat as if it had been chopped with an axe for the fire; it's the most dismal sight I ever beheld. Shortly after I left you I got a letter from Mr. Hopewell, atellin of me there was a storm abrewin, and advisin of me to come to homo as soon as possible, to see arter my stock in the Slickville bank, for ,, they were carryin too much sail, and he was e'en a'most certain it • Y^otild, capsize when the ,sat>all struck it. Well, I rode night and ''"'-'.day; I nedrly killed old Clay and myself too (I left the old horse to St. John's) ; but I got there in time, sold out my shares, and gist secured myself, when it failed tetotally, — it won't pay five cents to the dollar; a total wrack, stock and fluke. Poor old minister, he is nearly used up ; he is small potatoes now, and few in a hill. It made me feel quite streaked to see him, for he is a rael good man, a genu- »ymi t ili I: ^^ iriplwiniTy an(l*So glibly ; hut it may not lio so free to all romci's as orfr roiintry is. But what is freedom ? My lifHo grandson, little Sammy ( I had him named arlcr you, Sam), told me yesterday 1 was behind the enlightenment of the age ; perhaps you, who arc ahead of it, will answer me. What is freedom ? A colt is free, — he is unrestrained, — he acknowledges no master, — no law, but the law ol natur'. A man may get his brains kicked out among wild horses, but still they are free. Is our freedom like that of the wild horse or the wild ass? — If not, what is it? Is it in the right of openly preaching infidelity? Is it in a licentious press? Is it in the outpourings of popular spirits? Is it in -le absence of all subordination, or the insulliciency of all legal or moral restraint? I will define it. It is that happy condition of mankind where people are assembled in a community; where there is no government, no law, and no religion, but such as are imposed from day to day by a mob of freemen. That is freedom. Why, minister, said I, what on airth ails you, to make you talk arter that fashion ? If you hadabirrdrinkin any of that are old cider, I do think I should have believed it had got into your brain, for it's pretty considerable $ti(l' that, and tarnation heady. How can you go for to say we have no government, no law, and no religion, when it's ginerally allowed we are the most free and enlightened people on the face of the airth ? — I didn't say that^ Sam ; I was definin freedom in its general acceptation. W^e have got a government somewhere, if folks could only find it. When they sarched for it at Texas, they said it was to Canady lines ; and when they got to Canady lines to seek it, they say it is gone to the Seminole war; and when they get there, they'll tell 'em they've been lookin for it ; but it hasn't arrived yet, and they wish to gracious it would make haste and come, for ifit wor there, three thousand Injians couldn't beat us three years runnin, and defy us yet. WVve got law too; and when the judges go on the circuit, the mob holds its courts, and keeps the peace. — Whoso commission does the mob hold? — The people's commission. And whose commission does the supreme judge hold? — The President's. Which is at the top of the pot then? Can the judges punish the mob? — No; but the mob can punish the judges. Which is the supreme <^ourt, then? No; we have law. Yes, said I, and the prophets too; for if you ain't a prophet of evil, it's a pity. I fairly felt ryled, for if there is a thing that raises my dander, and puts my Ebenezer up, it is to hear a man say anything ag'in the glorious institutions of our great, splendid country. There you go ag'in, said he ; you don't know what you are atalkin about; a prophet used to be a person who foretold future events to come. What they be now in Webster's new dictionary, I don't know; but I guess they now be those who foretell things arter they happen. I warn't aprophesyin — I was speakin of things afore my CONFF.SSIONS OK A MINISTER. no ftyes. Your idi-as of prophets nre about as (ilcar as > our u\eas of fri?o- tlorii. Yes, we've got law, and written law too, as well as written constitutions — (for we despise that onwritten law, the common law of the ignorant British; we despise it as a relic of barbarism, of tlio ago of darkness and fable)— and as soon as our cases that arc tried iiforc the mob courts are collected and reported by some of our emi- nent mob orators, those state trials will have great authority. They'll be quoted to England with great respect, I know ; for they've got ora- tors of the same breed there too, — the same gentle, mild, Christian- like philanthropists. Pity you hadn't sported that kind of doctrin(\ says I, minister, afore our glorious revolution. The British would have made a bishop of you, or a Canter Berry, or whatever they call their Protestant pope. Yes, you might have haxl the canon law and the tythe law enforced with the baggonet law. Abusin the British don't help us, Sam. I am not ^/w,v> advocate, but the advocate for law, just and equal law, impartially administered, voluntarily obeyed, and, when infringed, duly enforced. Yes, we have religion, too, from the strict good old platform, through every variety and shade of tinker, inormonite, and mountebank, down to the infidel, — men who preach peace and good will, but who fight and hate each other like the devil. Idolatry like ourn you won't find even among the heathen. We are\ image worshippers : we have two images. There's the golden image, ) which all men worship here, and the American image. The Ame- / rican image I said I; do tell: what on airth is that? I do believe in my heart, minister, that you have taken leave of your senses. What onder the sun is the American image? An image of perfection, Sam, said he; fine phrenological head — high forehead — noble countenance — intelligent face — limbs Herculean, but well proportioned — grace- fid attitude — a figure of great elegance and beauty,— the personifica- tion of everything that is great and good, — iJiat is the American image; — that we set up and admire, and everybody thinks it is an image of himself. Oh ! it is humiliatin, it is dcgradin ; but we are all brought up to this idolatry from our cradle : we are taught first *<^ worship gold, and then to idolize ourselves. Yes, we have a government, have a liw, and have a religion, — and a precious government, law, and religion it is. I was once led to believe we had made a great discovery, and were tryin a great ex- periment in the art of self-government, for the benefit of mankind, as well as ourselves. Oh, delusion of delusions 1 — It had been tried before and signally failed, and tried on our own ground too, and under our own eyes. We arc copies and not originals — base imitators. When he got this far, I seed how it was — lie was delirious, poor old gentleman* the sight of me was too much for him; his narves was excited, and he was aravin ; his face was flushed, his eye glared, and iooked quitQ wild-like. It touched me to the heart, for I loved him 2'M TilE CLOCKMAKEU. ' I'' ' III ' 1 ^Lh'rHr. like a father, and liis intellects were of the first order afore old age, like a cloud, had overshadowed 'em. I thought I should have boo- hooed right out. So, instead of contradictin him, I humoured him. Where was it tried, minister? said I ; who had the honour afore us? for let us give the credit where it is due. The North American In- dians, said he, had tried it aforo in all its parts. They had no king, no nobles, no privileged class, no established religion. Their mobs made laws, Lynch law too, for they had burned people before the citizens at Mobile were ever born, or were even thought on, and invaded also other folk's territory by stealth, and then kept posses- sion. They, too, elected their presidents, and other otliccrs, and did all and everything we do. They, too, had their federal government of independent states, and their congress and solerr. iookin boastin orators. They, too, had their long knives as well as Arkansa's folks have, and were as fond of blood. And where are they now ? Where is their great experiment? — their great spectacle of a people governin themselves? Gonel where ourn will go; gone with the years that are fled, never to return I Oh, Sam, Sam ! my heart is sick within me. Where now is our beautiful republic bequeathed to us by Wash- ington, and the sages and heroes of the revolution? Overwhelmed and destroyed by the mighty waters of democracy. Nothing is now left but a dreary waste of angry waters, moved and excited by every wind that blows, and agitated by every conflictin current, onsafe to navigate, fearful even to look upon. This is tooexcitin a subject, said I, minister, and admits of a great deal bein said on both sides. It ain't worth our while to get warm on it. As for an established church, said I , you know what a hubbub, they make in England to get clear of that are. I don't think we need envy 'em, unless they'll establish our platform. If they did that, said I, and I looked up and winked, I don't know as I wouldn't vote for it myself. Sam, said he, we are agoin to have an established church; it may be a very good church, and is a great deal better than many we have; but still it ain't the church of the Pilgrims. What church, said I, minister? Why, said he, the Catholic Church ; be- fore long it will be the established Church of the United States. Poor oltl man, only think of his getting such a freak as that are in his head ; it was melancholy to hear him talk such nonsense, warn't it? What makes you think so? said I. Why, said he, Sam, the majority here do everything. The majority voted at first against an esta- blishment ; a majority may at last vote for it ; the voice of the ma- jority is law. Now the CathoHcs are fast gaining a numerical majority. Don't you believe census or other tables? I know it, and I could ea- sily correct the errors of the census. They gain constantly, — they gain more by emigration, more by natural increase in proportion to their numbers, more by intcrmur- rOMESHIONS OF A MINISTER. 931 riiigtis, iidopliun, anil coitvor«iuii, than the Protestants. With their exclusive views of salvation, and peculiar tenets, — as so«n as they have the majority this hecomes a Catholic country, with a Catholic government, with the Catholic religion established by law. Is this a great change ? A greater change has taken place among the British, the Medesand Persians of Europe, the nolumus leges mutari people. What then will the natural order and progress of events now in train here not produce? I only speak of this ; — I don't dread it; I hope, and trust, and pray that it may bo so; not because I think them right, for I don't, but because they are a Christian church, an old church, a consistent church, and because it is a church, and any sect is better than the substitution of a cold speculative philosophy for re- ligion, as wo too frequently see among us. Wo are too greedy to be moral, too self-sutncient to be pious, and too independent to bo reli- gious. United under one head, and obedient to that head, with the countenance and aid of tho whole catholic world, what can they not achieve? Yes, it is the only cure that time and a kind and merciful Providence has in store for us. IFe shall he a Catholic country. Sam, my heart is broken 1 — my last tie is severed, and I am now desccndin to the grave full of years and full of sorrows 1 I have re- ceived my dismissal ; my elders have waited upon me with the appal- lin information that they have given a call to a Unitarian, and have no further need of my services. My labours, Sam, were not worth having, — that's a fact: I am now old, gray-head«d, and infirm, and worn out in the service of my Master. It was time for me to retire. Tcmpus abire tibi est. (I hope you hav'n't forgot what little Latin you had, Sam.) I do not blame them for that: — but a Unitarian in my pulpit I It has killed me — I cannot survive it; and he cried like a child. I looked on 'em, said he, as my children — I loved 'em as my own — taught 'em their infant prayers, — I led 'em to the altar of the Lord, I fed 'em with the bread of life, encouraged them when they was right, reproved 'em when they was wrong, and watched over 'em always. Where is now my flock? and what account shall I give of the shepherd? Oh, Sam, willingly would J ofler up my life for 'cm iais a sacrifice, but it may not be. My poor flock, my dear child' ren, my lost sheep, that I should have lived to have seen this day ! — and he hid his face in his hands, and moaned bitterly. Poor old gentleman, it had been too much for him; it was evident that it had aflected his head as well as his heart. And this 1 will say, that a better head and a better heart there ain't this day in the United States of America than minister Joshua Hopewell's, of Slickville. I am glad to hear you speak so atTectionately of him, said I. It shows there arc good and warm hearts in Slickville be- sides his; but do you really think he was delirious? No doubt in the world on it, said he. If you had asccn him and heerd him, you 232 THE CLOCKMAKEU. would have felt that Ms troubles had swompiBcd him. It was gone goose with him, — that's a fact. That he spoke under the influence of excited feelings, I replied, and with a heart filled with grief and indignation, there can be no doubt; but I see no evidence of deli- rium; on the contrary, his remarks strike me as most eloquent and original. They have made a great impression upon me^ and 1 shall long remember the confessions of a deposed minister. ^ CHAPTER XLIX. CANADIAN POLITICS. hi; The next day we reached Clare, a township wholly settled by descendants of the Arcadian French. The moment you pass the bridge at Scissiboo, you become sensible that you are in a foreign country. And here I must enter my protest against that American custom of changing tl^e old and appropriate names of places, for the new and inappropriate ones of Europe. Scissiboo is the Indian name of this long and beautiful river, and signifies the great deep, and should have been retained, not merely because it was its proper name, but on account of its antiquity, its legends, and, above all, because the river had a name, which the minor streams of the pro- vince have not. A country, hi my opinion, is robbed of half of its charmj: when its streams, like those of Nova Scotia, have no other names than those of the proprietors of the lands thro' which they pass, and change them as often as the soil changes owners. Scissi-* boo sounded too savage and uncouth in the ears of the inhabitants, and they changed it to Weymouth, but they must excuse me for adopting the old reading. lam no democrat; I like old names and the traditions belonging to them. I am no friend to novelties. There has been a re-action in Upper Canada. The movement party in that colony, with great form and ceremony, conferred the name of Little York upon the ca- ]>ilal of the colony; but the Conservatives have adopted the ancient order of things, and with equal t»8le and good feeling have restored the name of Toronto. I hope to see the same restoration at Scissi- V(»o, at Tatam-agouche, and other places where the spoiler has been. There is somethii.'g very interesting in these Arcadians. They are the lineal di>scendants of those who made the first eflective settle- ment in No America, in 1606, under De Monts, and have re- tained to this day the dress, customs, language, and religion of their ancestots. They arc a peaceable, contented, and happy people; and CANADIAN POLITICS. 233 liavo escaped the temptations of English agitators, French atheists, and domestic demagogues. I have often been amazed, said the Clockmaker, ^hen travdlling amcng the Canadians, to see what curious critters they be. They leave themar^etin to the women, and their business to their notaries, — the care of their souls to their priests, and of their bodies to their doctors, and resarve only frolickin, dancin, singin, fidlin, and gas- ,, conadin to themselves. They areas merry as crickets, and as happy '^-';j£^) as the day is long. They don't care a straw how the world jogSj:^A-,j(i.,. i who's up or who's down, who reigns or who is deposed. Ask 'em' ' who is King, and they believe Papinor is; who is Pope, and they be^ lieve their bishop is; who is the best off in the world, and they be- lieve Mount'sheer Chatter-box Ilabitan is. How is it then, said I, they are just on the eve of rebellion? If they are so contented and happy as you represent them, what can induce them to involve the country in all the horrors of a civil war, and voluntarily incur the penalties of treason and the miseries of a revolution ? Because, said he, they are gist what I have described them to be ) — because they don't know nothin. They are as weak as Taunton/ water, and all the world knows that that won't even run down hill. They won't do nothin but gist as they are bid. Their notaries and doctors tell 'em, — them sacra diabola foutera English are agoin, by and bye, to ship 'em out o' the country; and in the mean time rob 'em, plunder 'em, and tax 'em ; — hang their priests, seize their galls, and play hell and Tommy with them, and all because they speak French. Hay beang, says Habitan, up and at them then, and let 'em have it 1 But how can we manage all them redcoats? Oh! says their leaders, old France will send a fleet and sobers, and Yankics will _ send an army. Yankies very fond of us,— ^all larnin French apur- pose; — very fond of Catholics too, all thro' New Er^iand; — great friend of ourn, — hate English like the diable. Allong dong, then, they say; up and cut their throats! andwhen winter comes, burn 'em up, — hang 'em up, — use 'em up ! One grand French nation we shall have here then; all French, and no sacra Efnglish. But do they really talk such nonsense to them as that , or are they such fools to believe it? Fact, I assure you; they are so ignorant llicy believe it all, and will believe anything they tell'em. It is a comfortable ignorance they are in too, for they are actilly the happiest (Titters on the face of the airth, — but then it is a dangerous ignorance, ior it is so easily imposed upon. I had been always led to believe, I said, that it was a great constitutional question that was at stake,— the right to stop the supplies; and from iiearing there were so many speculative and theoretical points of dispute between them anci the English, as to IIkt machinery of the local government, I thought they woro at least an enlightened people, and one that, ieeling they had m \'i I I 234 THE CLOCKMAKER. rights, were determined to maintain those rights at all hazards. Oh, dear, said the Clockmaker, where have you been all your born days, not to know belter nor that? They don't know nolhin about the matter, nor don't want to. Even them that talk about those things in the assembly, don't know much more ; but they gist know enough to ax for what they know they can't get, then call it a griev- ance, and pick a quarrel about it. Why, they've got all they want, and more nor they couid have under us, or any other power on the face of the airth than the English, — ay, more than they could have if they were on their own hook. They have thoi .^n laws, — and plaguy queer, old-fashioned laws they are too, — Old Scrft^h himself couldn't understand 'em ; their parly-voo language, reli, a, old customs and usages, and everything else, and no taxes at all. If such is the case, what makes their leaders discontented? There must be something wrong somewhere, when there is so much disaf- fection? All that is the matter may be summed «ip in one word, said the Clockmaker, Frenehy-^ieyiX a thing else but that — French. You can't make an EngUshman out of a Frenchman, any more than you can a white man out of a nigger; if the skin ain't dilTerent, the / tongue is. But, said >!, thoi^gh you cannot make the Ethiopian \ change his skin, you can make the Frenchman change his language. \ Ay, now you have it, I guess, said he; you've struck the right nail 1 on the head this time. The reform they want in Canada is to give 'em English laws and English language. Make 'em use it in courts and public matters, and make an English and not a French colony of it; and you take the sting out o' the snake, — the critter becomes harm- less. Them doctors pyson 'em. Them chaps go to France, get in- oculated there with infidelity, treason, and republicanism, and come out and spread it over the country like small-pox. They got a bad set o' doctors in a gineral way, I tell you ; and when rebellion breaks out there, as you'll see it will to a sartainty by and by, you'll find them doctors leading them on everywhere, — the very worst fellers among 'em, — boys of tlje glorious July days to Paris. Well, it is no use atalkin, squire, about it; it is a pity, too, to see the poor simple critters so imposed upon as they be, for they'll caJch it, if they do rebel, to a sartainty. Gist as sure as Papinor takes that step he is done for, — he's a refugee in six weeks in the States, with a price set on his head, for the critter won't fight. The English all say he wants theclear grit — aint got the stuff— no ginger in him — it'sall talk. The last tinje I was to Montreal, I seed a good deal of the leaders of the French ; they were very civil to me, and bought ever so many of my clocks,— they said they liked to trade with their American friends, it was proper to keep up a good feelin among neighbours. There was one Doctor Jodrie there, a' most evorlastinly at my heels a introducin of me to iiis countrymen, and rocommendin them to i^nmm CANADIAN POLITICS. 835 trailo with me. Well, I went to his shop one night, and when he heurd my voice, ho come out of a back room, and, said he, walk in here, Mount-sheer Slick, I want you for one particular use ; come along with me, my g(">d feller, there are some friends here atakin of a glass o' grog along with me and a pipe ; — won't you join us ? , r Well, said I, I don't care if I do ; I won't be starched. A pipe wouldn't ^^f^^^^*- be amiss gist now, says I, nor a glass of grog neither; so in I went : but my mind misgived me there was some mischief abrewin in there, as I seed he bolted the door arter him, and so it turned out. The room was full of chaps, all doctors, and notaries, and mem- bers of assembly, with little short pipes in their mouths, achattin away like so many monkeys, and each man had his tumbler o' hot rum and water afore him on the table. Sons o' liberty, says he, here's a brother. Mount-sheer Slick, a haul o' jaw clockmaker. Well, they all called out, Five Clockmaker I No, says I, not five clock- makers, but only one; and hardly trade enough for him neither, I guess. Well, they hawhawed like any thing, for they beat all natur for larfm, them French. Five is same as hurrah, says he, — long life to youl Oh I says I, I onderstand now. No fear of that any how, when I am in the hands of a doctor. Yankee hit him hard that time, be gar! said a little under-sized parchment-skinned lookin lawyer. May be so, said the doctor ; but a feller would stand a? good a c ance for his Hfe in my hands, I guess, as he would in yourn, if he was to be defended in court by you. The critters all yeJIed right^^.^i-^-^ out at this joke, and struck the table with their fists till the glasses all rang ag'in. Bon, bon, says they. Says the doctor, Don't you understand French, Mr. Slick? No, says I, not one word; I wish to goodness I did though, for I find it very awkward sometimes a tradin without it. (I always said so when I was ased that are question, so as to hear what was agoin on : it helped me in my busi- ness considerable. I could always tell whether they actilly wanted a clock or not, or whether they had the money to pay for it : they . let out all their secrets). Would you like to see a bjilj^bait? 8aid/^"->^H*- he ; we are goin to bait a bull winter arter next,— grand fun, said . ' he; we'll put fire to his tail, — stick squibs and matches \TAQ\i\%AtA^*^ hide, — make him kick, and roar, and toss, like the diable : then we'U put the dogs on, worry him so long as he can stand, — then, tamn him, kill him skin him, and throw his stinkin carcass to the dogs and de crows. Yes, said the other fellers, kill him, damn him, — kill him I and they got up and waved their glasses over their heads;— death ta. the iieiist ' h, la lanterned Says one of them in French to thedoctor, Prenny garde, — are you sure, are you clear he is not English? Ob, sartain, said he in the same lingo; he is a Yankee clockmakin, chcatin vagabond from Boston, or thereabouts ; but wc must court him, wo must bo civil to r 23a TllE CLOCKMAKEft. D —- /■ ia-Vvv- (/i'l-/ M ».-v<. EJ'<' them if wc expect their aid. If we once get clear o' the English wtf /U)^'>.^Jl:i.k/i\\ soon rid ourselves of them too. They are chips of the old. >«tv. block, them Yankees : a bad breed on both sides o' the'water. Then turnin to me, says he, I was just desirin these gentlemen, Mr. Slick, to drink your health, and that of the United States. Thank you, says I, I believe our people and the French onderstand each other very well ; a very disinteristed friendship on both sides. Oh, sartain, says he, aputtin of his hand on his heart, and lookin spooney. One sentiment, one grand sympathy of feelin, one real amitty yea. Your health, sir, said he ; and they all stood up agin and made a deuce of a roar over it. Five Americanos I I hope you have good dogs, said I, for your bull-bait? Oh, true breed and no mistake, said he. It takes a considerable of a stilT dog. Bays I, and one of the real grit to face a bull. Them fellers, when they get their danders up, are plaguy onsafe critters ; they'll toss and^ore the common kind like nothin, — make all fly ag'in : it ain't oversafe to come too near 'em when they are once fairly raised. If there is anythin in natur' I'm afeerd on, it's a bull when he is ryled. Oh yes, said he, we got the dogs, plenty of 'em too,— genuine breed from old France, Hept pure<»vcr since it came here, except a slight touch of the fox and the wolf; the one makes 'em run faster, . and t'other bite sharper. It's a grand breed. Thinks I to myself, / • ''/ I onderstand you, my hearties. I see your drift ; go the whole figur', and do the thing genteel. Try your hand at it, will you ; and if John Bull don't send you aflyin into the air sky-high, in little less than half no time, it's a pity. A pretty set o' yclpin curs you be to face such a critter as he is, ain't you? Why, the very moment he begins to paw and to roar, you'll run sneakin o(T with your tails atween your legs, ayelpin and asqueelin as if Old Nick himself was arter you. Great man, your Washington, says the doctor. Very, says I; no greater ever lived — p'r'aps the world never seed his ditto. And Papinor is a great man, too, said he. Very, said I, especially in the talking line — he'd beat Washington at that game, I guess, by a long chalk. I hope, says he, some day or another, Mr. Slick, and not far oil' neither, we shall be a free and independent people, like you. We shall be the France of America afore long — the grand nation — the great empire. It's our distiny — everything foretells it, — I can >sco it as plain as can be. Thinks I to myself, this is a good time to '^''^'tVoach our interests ; and if there is to be a break-up here, to put in^^ \ '^'*!ll'l'!^^* spoke in the wheel for our folks— a stitch in time saves nine. So,*'' says I, you needn't flatter yourselves, doctor; you can't be a distinct iialion; it ain't possible, in the nalur' o' things. You may jine us, if you like, and tliorc would be some sense in that move, — that's a fact ; but you never can stand alone hero — no more than a lame mai». W^-i ■•'.■'P- ^ipw; in^'i^fw" '*• "!*.jP' •» CANADIAN POLITICS. 237 can Dvithout crutches, or a child of six days old. No, not if all the colonies were to unite, you couldn't do it. Why, says I, gist see here, doctor; you couldn't shew your noses on the lishin ground for one minit — you can hardly do it now, even tho' the British have you under their wing. Our folks would drive you ofT the banks, seize your fish, tear your nets, and lick you like a sack — and then go home and swear you attacked them first, and our government would seize the fisheries as an indemnification. How could you sup- port an army and a navy, and a diplomacy, and make fortifications. Why, you couldn't build and support one frigate, nor maintain one regiment, nor garrison Quebec itself, let alone the out-posts. Our folks would navigate the St. Lawrence in spite of your teeth, and tht; St. John River too, and how could you help yourselves? They'd smuggle you out of your eye-teeth, and swear you never had any. Our fur traders would attack your fur traders, and drive 'em all in. Our people would enter here and settle — then kick up a row, call for American volunteers, declare themselves independent, and ask ad- mission into the Union ; and afore you know'd where you were, you'd find yourselves one of our states. Gist look ft what is goin on (o Texas, and what has gone on to Florida, and then see what will go on here. We shall own clean away up to the North and South Pole, afore we're done. Says the doctor, in French, to the other chaps, that would be worse than bein a colony to the English. Them Yankee villains would break up our laws, language, and customs; that cat wouldn't jump at all, would it? Jamais, Jamais! says the company. Wo must have aid from old France; we must be the grand nation, and the great empire, ourselves; — and he stop't, went to the door, unbolted it, looked round the shop, and then turned the bolt ag'in. Would your folks, says he, help us, if wo was to revolt, Mr. Slick? Certainly, said I ; they'd help you all they could, and not go to war with the British. They'd leave all the armories on the line unguarded, :'o you could run over and pretend to rob 'em, and leave all the cannon in the forts without anybody to see arter them, so you might have them if you wanted them. Lots o' chaps would volunteer in your ranks, and our citizens would subscribe handsum. They'd set up a claim pretty fierce, at the same time, about the New Brunswick boundary line, so as to make a devarsion in your favour in that quar- ter. We can't go to war gist now ; it would ruin us, stock and fluke. We should lose our trade and shippin, and our niggers and Indgians are ugly customers, and would take a whole army to watch them in case of a wasr. We'd do all we could to help you as a people, but not as a government. We'd furnish you with arms, ammunition, provision, money, and volunteers. We'd let you into our country, but not the British. We'd help you to r/rrange your plans and to mm 838 THE CLOCKMAKER. ! I ilerang^ them. But wo'd have to respect our treaties, for we are a high-minded, right-minded, sound-minded, and religious people. We scrupulously fulfil our engagements. What wc undertake >vo perform — there's no mistake in us,— you always know where to find us. We are under great obligations to the British — they saved us from the expense and miseries of a war with France — they have built us with their capital and their credit, and are our best customers. We could not, consistently with our treaties or our conscience, send an army or a navy to help you ; but we will hire you our steam-boats, and other craft ; send you men to make an army, and the stuff to feed, clothe, arm, and pay them. In short, the nations of the airth will look on with admiration at the justice and integrity of our doings. W^e shall respdct the treaty with the British on the one side,, and prove ourselves a kind, a liberal, and most obliging neighbour to you on the other. Government will issue proclamations against in- terference. The press of the country will encourage it. The nation will be neutral, but every soul in it will aid you. Yes, we are as straight as a shingle in our dealings, and do things above board hand- sum. We do love a ffiir deal above all things — that's a fact. Bon, ban/ says they, Les aristocrats a la lanterne! and they broke out a singin a la lanterne / It was now twelve o'clock at night when we quit, and gist as we got into the street I heerd the word Doric, Doric, — and, says I, what on airth is that? — what sort o' a critter is a Doric ? A Doric is a loyal- ist, says they, — a diable bull, — saere /M^re,— kill him, — and they arter him, full split like the wind, caught him, knocked him down, and a'most finished him — they e'en a'most beat him to a ,^elly, and left him for dead. That's the way, says they, we'll sarve every Englishman in Canada, — extarminate 'em, damn 'em. Time for me to be off, says I, a'most, I'm athinkin ; it's considerable well on towards mornin. ^ Good night, Mount-sheer. Bern sroorcy bon swore/ says they, singin— " Oh ! qn ira, 9a ira, i;a ira, Les aristocrats a la lanterne !" i I And the last I heerd of them, at the end of the street, was an ever- lastin almighty shout. Five Papinor — five Papinorl Yes, I pity them poor Canadians, said the Clockmaker. They are a loyal, contented, happy people, if the sarpents of doctors and law- yers would leave 'em alone, and let 'em be, and not pyson their mind? with all sorts of lies and locrums about their government. They will spunk' em up to rebellion at last, and when it does come to the scratch they will desart 'em as sure as eggs is eggs, and leave 'em* to be shot down by the sodgers ; they ain't able of themselves to do nothin, them Canadians; they ain't got the means, nor the energy A CURE FOR SMUQOLINO. •39 loyal- they him n to a sarve Time e well hon ever- nor the knowledge for it; they ain't like the descendants of the Pil- grim — that's a fact. The worst of it is, too, the punishment Won't fall on the right heads neither, for them critters will cut and run to a sartainty ; — I know it, I'm e'en a' most sure of it, — if they'd ahad the true blue in 'em, they wouldn't have half murdered and maimed that poor defenceless Doric, as they did. None but cowards do 'em are things ; — a brave man fights, a coward sticks a bowie knife into your ribs ; but p'r'aps it will all turn out for the best yet in the eend, said he; for if there is a blow up, Papinor will off to the States full chisel with the other leaders, — theGrst shot, and them that they don't catch and hang can never show their faces in Canada ag'in. It will clear the country of them, as they clear a house of rats, — frighten 'em out of their seven senses by firin otf a gun. A thunderstorm, squire^ said the Cloekmaker, most cUwayscools the air y clears the sky, lays the dust f and makes all look about right ag^ in. Every thing will depend on how the English work it arterwards ; if they blunder ag'in, they'll never be able to set it to rights. What course ought they to adopt? said I, for the subject is one in which I feel great interest. I'll tell you, said he. First, they should , and he suddenly checked himself, as if doubtful of the propriety of answering the question ; — and then smiling, as if he had discovered a mode of escaping the difficulty, he continued, — They should make you plcnipo, and appoint me your secretary. CHAPTER L. A CURE FOR SMUGGLING. Wlierever natur does least man does most, said the Clockmakei*. Gist see the difference atween these folks here to Liverpool and them up the bay of Fundy. There natur has given them the finest country in the world,— she has taken away all the soil from this place, and chucked it out there, and left nothin but rocks and stones here. There they gist vegetate, and here they go a-head like any- thing. I was credibly informed, when Liverpool was first settled, folks had to carry little light ladders on their shoulders to climb over the rocks, and now they've got better streets, better houses, better gardens, and a better town than any of the baymen. They carry on a considerable of a fishery here, and do a great stroke in the tim- ber business. I shall never forget a talk I had with Ichabod Gates here, and a frolic him and me had with a tide-waiter. Ichabod had a large store o' goods, and I was in there oneevcnin adrlnkin tea along with him, 240 THE CLOCKMAKER. I if and wc got atalkiti about smugglin. Says lie Mr. Slick, your people ruintho trade here, tl'-cy do smuggle so; I don't know as I ever shall he able to get rid of my stock of goods, and it cost me a considerable of a sum too. What a pity it is them navy people, instead of carryin freights of money from the West Indgies, wam't employed more aprotectin of our fisheries and our trade. Why don't you smuggle then too, says I, and meet 'em in their own way? — tit for tat— dia- mond cut diamond — smuggle yourselves and seize them ; — free trade and sailors' rights is our maxim. Why, says he, I ain't gist altogether certified that it's right; it goes ag'in my conscience to do the like o' that are, and I must say I like a fair deal. In a gineral way a' most, I've observed what's got over the devil's back is commonly lost under his belly. It don't seem to wear well. Well, that's inconvenient, too, to be so thin skinnod, said I ; for conscience most commonly has a hide as thick as the sole of one's foot; you may cover it with leather to make it look decent-like, but it will bear a considerable hard scrubbin without anything over it. Now, says I, I will put you on a track that will sarve you without bringin corns on your conscience either. Do you gist pretend to smuggle and make believe as if you were agoin the whole hog in it. It's safer and full out as profitable as the rac! thing, and besides there's no sort o' risk in it in the world. When folks hear a thing is smuggled they always think it's cheap, and never look into fhe price ; they bite directly — it's a grand bait that. Now always onload your vessels at night, and let folks hear a cart agoin into your place atween two and three o'clock in the mornin ; fix one o' the axles so it will squeak like a pig, and do you look sus- picious, mysterious, and oneasy. Says you (when a chap says, I guess you were up late last night), ax me no questions and I'll tell you no lies. There are so many pimpin eyes about now, a body has to be cautious ifhe don't want to get into the centreof a hobble. If I'm up late I guess it's nobody's business but my own I'm about any how ; but I hope you won't make no remarks about what you see or heerd. Well, when a feller axes arter a thing, do you gist stand and look at him for a space without sayin a word, enquirin like with a du- bersum look, as if you didn't know as you could trust him or no ; then gist wink, put your finger on your nose, and say mum is the word. Take a candle and light it, and say, foller me now, and take him into the cellar. Now, says you, friend, don't betray me, I beseech you, for your life; don't let on to any one about this place; — people will never think o' suspectin me if you only keep dark about it. I'll let you see some things, says you, that will please you, I know; but don't blow me — that's a good soul. This article, says you, ataking up one that cost three pounds, I can afford to let you have as low as five pounds, and that one as cheap as six pounds, on one condition, but — A CURE FOR SMUGGLING. 841 inind you it's on them terms only, — and that is that you don't tell any one, not even your wife, where you got it ; but you must promise me on the word and honour of a man. The critter will fall right into the trap, and swear by all that's good he'll never breathe it to alivin soul, and then go right off and tell his wife, and you might as well pour a thing into a filterin stone as into a woman's ear; it will run right thro', and she'll go abraggin to her neighbours of the bargain they got, and sweat them to secrecy, and they'll tell the whole country in the same way, as a secret of the cheap things Ichabod Gates has. Well, the excise folk will soon hear o' tliis, and come and sarch your house from top to • bottom, and the sarch will make your fortin, for, as they can't find nothin, you will get the credit of doin theofiicers in great style. Well, well, said Ichabod, if you Yankees don't beat all natur'. I don't believe in my soul there's a critter in all Nova Scolia would a* thought 0* such a scheme as that, but it's a grand joke, and comports with conscience, for it parallels pretty close with the truth : I'll try it. Try it, says I, to be sure ; let's go right off this blessed night, and hide away a parcel of your goods in the cellar,-^put some in the garret and some in the gig-house. Begin and sell to-morrow, and all the time I'm to Liverpool I'll keep arunnin in and out o' your house; sometimes I'll gist come to the corner of the fence, put my head over and draw it back ag'in, as if I didn't want folks to see me, and some- times I'll make as if I was agoin out, and if I see any one acomin I'll spring back and hide behind the door : it will set the whole town on the look-out, — and they'll say it's me that's asmugglin either on my own hook or yourn. In three days he had a great run o' custom, par- ticularly arter night-fall. It was fun alive to see how the critters were bammed by that hoax. On the fifth day the tide-waiter came. Mr. Slick> says he, I've got information th— ^ — Glad to hear it, says I : an officer without in- formation would be a poor tool — that's a fact. Well, it brought him up all standin. Says he. Do you know who you are atalkin to ? Yes, says I, I guess I do: I'm talkin to a man of information, and that bein the case I'll be so bold as to ax you one question, — have you any thing to say tome, for I'm in a considerable of a hurry? Yes, said he, I have. I'm informed you have smuggled goods in the house. Well, then, says I, you can say what many galls can't boast on at any rate. What's that? says he* Why, says I, that you are wminformed. Mr. Gates, said he, give me a candle — I must go to the cellar. Sartainly, sir, said Ichabobod, you may sarch where you please : I've never smuggled yet, and I am not agoin now to commence at my time of life. As soon as he got the candle, and was agoin down to the cellar with Gates, I called out to Ichabod. Here, says I, Ich, run quick, for your life — now's your time ; and off we ran up stairs as fast as wc could leg it, and locked the door; the sarcher heeriu «4« ma CLOCKMAKBR. I I ij ! ! I,' I ; t f ( I i s (hat, up too and artcr us hot foot, and bust open tho door. As soon as we heerd him adoin of tliat wo out o' tho other door and locked that also, and down the back stairs to where we started from. It was some time afore he broke in tho second door, and then ho fol- Icrcd us down, lookin like a proper fpol. I'll pay you up for this, said he to me. I hope so, said I, and Ichabod too. A pretty time o' day this when folks cant are and race over a decent man's house, and smash all afore him this way for nothin, ain't it? Them doors you broke all to pieces will come to somethin, you may depend ;— a joke is a joke, but that's no joke. Arter that he took his time, sarched the cellar, upper rooms, lower rooms, and garret, and found nothin to seize; ho was all cut up, and amazin vexed, and put out. Says I, Friend, ifyou want t3 catch a weasel you must catch him asleep; now if you want to catch me asmugglin, rise considerably airly in the mornin, will you? This story made Ichabod's fortin a' most : he had smuggled goods to sell for throe years, and yet no one could find him in the act, or tell where onder the sun he hid 'em away to. At last, the secret leaked out, and it fairly broke up smugglin on the wholo shore. That story has done more nor twenty officers — that's a fact. There's nothin a'lhost, said the Glockmaker, I like so much as to see folks cheat themselves. I don't know as I ever cheated a man myself in my life : I like to do things above board handsum, and go strait ahead ; but if a chap seems bent on cheatin himself, I like to be neighbourly and help him to do it. I mind once, when I was to the eastward of Halifax atradin, T bought a young horse to use while I gave old Clay a run to grass. I do that most every fall, and it does the poor old critter a deal of good. He kinder seems to take a new lease every time, it sets him up so. Well, he was a most aspecial horse, but he had an infarnal temper, and it required all my know- ledge of horse flesh to manage him. He'd kick, sulk, back, bite, re- fuse to draw, or run away, gist as he took the notion. I mastered him, but it was gist as much as a bargain too ; and I don't believe, the' I say it myself, there is any other gentleman in the province could have managed him but me. Well, there was a parson livin down there that took a great fancy to. that horse. Whenever he seed me adrivin by he always stopt to look at his action and gait, and admired him amazinly. Thinks I to myself, that man is inokilated — it'll break out soon — he is detarmined to cheat himself, and if he is, there is no help for it, as I see, but to let him. One day I was adrivin out at a most a deuce of a size, and he stopped me. Hallo! says he, Mr. Slick, where are you agoin in such a desperate hurry? I want to speak a word to you. So I pulls up short. Mornin, says I, parson, how do you do to-day? That's a very clever horse of yourn, says he. Middlin, says I; he does my work, but he's nothin to brag on; he ain't gist equal to old Clay, and i doubt if there's are a blue-nose horse ■■UH A CURE FOR SMUOOLING. 243 he that is neither. Finn action that horse, said ho. Well, says I, people do say ho has considerable fine action, but that's better Tor himsulf than me, for it makes him travel easier. How many miles will ho trot in the hour? said he. Well, says I, if he has a mind to and is well managed, ho can do iifteen handsiim'. Will you sell him? said he. Well, said I, parson, 1 would sell him, but not to you; the truth is, said I, smilin, I have a regard for mi- nisters; the best friend I ever had was one, the Reverend Josliua Hopewell, of Slickville, and I wouldn't sell a horse to one I didn't tbink would suit him. Oh 1 said he, the horse would suit me exactly; I like him amazinly : what's your price? Fifty pounds to anybody else, said I, but fifty-five to you, parson, for I don't want you to havo him at no price. If he didn't suit you, people would say I cheated you, and cheatin a parson is, in my mind, pretty much of a piece with rob- bin of a church. Folks -.vould think considerable hard of me sellin you a horse that warn't quite the thing, and I shouldn't blame them one morsel if they did. Why, what's the matter of him? said ho. Well, says I minister, says I, alarfin right out, everytbing is the matter of him. Oh! said he, that's all nonsense; I've seen the horse in your hands often, and desire no better. Well, says I, he will run away with you i^he gets a chance to a sartainty. I will drive him with a curb, said he. Ho will kick, says I. I'll put a back strap on him, said he. He will go backwards faster than forward, said I. I will give him the whip and teach him better, says ho. Well, says I, larfin like anything, he won't go at all sometimes. I'll take my chance of that, said he; but must take off that Ave pounds. Well, says I, parson, I don't want to sell you the horse— that's a fact ; butifyou must have him I suppose you must, and I will subtract the five pounds on one condition, and that is, if you don't like the beast, you tell folks that you would have him, tho' I tried to set him outas bad as I could, and said everything of him I could lay my tongue to. Well, says he, the horse is mine, and if he don't suit me, I acquit you of all blame. Well, he took the horse, and cracked and boasted most prodi- giously of him ; he said he wouldn't like to take a hundred pounds for him ; that he liked to buy a horse of a Yankee, for they were such capital judges of horse flesh they hardly ever a' most had a bad one, and that he knew he was agoin to get a first-chop one, the mo- ment he found I didn't want to sell him, and that he never saw a man so loath to part with a beast. Oh dear ! how I larfed in my sleeve when I heerd tell of the goneey talkin such nonsense : thinks I, he'll live to larn yet some things that ain't writ down in Latin afore he dies, or I'm mistakened — that's all. In the course of a few days the horse began to find he'd changed hands, and he thought he'd try what sort o' stuiThis new master was made on ; so he gist took the bit in his mouth one fine mornin and ran olTwiMi Qjl ' t44 THE CLOCKMAKER. in ' I 4 B'1 him, and kicked his gig all to flinders, and nearly broke the parson's neck; and findin that answer, he took to all his old tricks ag'in and got worse than ever. He couldn't do nothin with him, — even the helps were frightened out of their lives to go into the stable to him. So he come to me one day lookin quite streaked, and says he, Mr. Slick, that horse I bought of you is a perfect divil ; I never saw such a critter in my life ; 1 can neither ride him nor drive him. H« gist does what he pleases with us, and we can't help ourselves nohow. He actilly beats all the onruly animals I ever seed in my life. Well, says I, 1 told you so, minister — 1 didn't want to sell him to you at all; but you would have him. I know you did, said ho; but you larfod so all the time I thought you was in jecst. I thought you didn't care to sell him, and gist said so to put me o(T, jokin like : I had no idee you were in airnest : I wouldn't give ten pounds for him. Nor I neither, said I ; I woul<^n't take him as a gift, and bo bound to keep him. How could you then, said he, have the conscience to ax mo fifty pounds for him, and pocket it so coolly ? To prevent you from buyin him, parson, said I, that was my reason. I did all I could for you, I axed you five times as much as he was worth, and said all I could think on to run hint down too? hut you took yourself in. There's two ways of tellin a thing, said he, Mr. Slick,— in airnest and in jeest. You told it as if you were in jecst, and I took it so ; you may call it what you like, but I call it a deception still. Parson, says 1, how many ways you may have of tellin a thing 1 don't know ; but I have only one, and that's the true way: I told you the truth, but you didn't choose to believe it. Now, says I, I feel kinder sorry for you too ; but I'll tell you how to get out o' the scrape. I can't take him back, or folks would say it was me and not you that cheated yourself. Do you ship him. You can't sell him here without doin the fair thing, as I did, tellin all his faults ; and if you do no soul would take him as a present, for people will believe you, tho' it seems they won't always believe a Clockmaker. Gist send him off to the West Indgies, ai- 1 sell him at auction therefor what he will fetch. He'll brin' ^ 4 price, and if he gets into a rael right down genumine horsem. .ids, there's no better horse. He said nothin, but shook his . .d, as if that cat wouldn't jump. Now, says I, there's another bit of advice I'll give you free gratis for nothin, — never buy a horse on the dealer' s judgment, or he will citeat you if he can ; never buy him on your own, or you will cheat yourself as sure as you are horn. In that case, said he, larfin, a man will be sure to be cheated cither way: how is he to guard ag'in bein taken in then ? Well, says I, he stands a fair chance any way of havin the leake put into him — that's sartain, for next to woman kind there is nothin so deceitful as horse-flesh that ever I seed yet. Both on e'm are apt to be spoiled in the brcakin ; both on 'em puzzle TAKIMJ OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. 34& larson s 19 ag'in vcn tho to him. lie, Mr. iw such H« gist nohow. Well, uat all; larfod so t care to (lee you neither, ep him. me lifly m buyiti for you, I could There's it and in you may , says 1, but I but you you too ; m back, elf. Do ir thing, e him ag t always lies, at I " .(I .ids, id, as if 36 gratis he will nil cheat llarfin, a ird ag'in iny way woman |eed yet. puzzle tho best judges sometimes to tell their age when well vamped up, and it takes some time afore you And out all their tricks. Pedigree must be attended to in both cases, particularly on the mother's side, and both require good trainin, a steady hand, and careful usage. Yes; both branches require great experience, and the most knowin ones do get bit sometimes most beautifully. Well, says he, as touchin horses, how is a man to avoid bein deceived? Well, says I, I'll tell you — never buy a horse of a total stranger on no account, — never buy a horse of a gentleman, for Why, said he, he's the very man I should like to buy of, above all others. Well, then, says I, he's not the man for my money anyhow 1 you think you are safe with him, and don't inquire enough, and take too much for granted: you are apt to cheat yourself in that case. Never buy a crack horse ; he's done too much. Never buy a colt; he's done too little; you can't toll how he'll turn out. In short, says I, it's a considerable of a long story to go all through with it ; it would take me less time to teach you how to make a clock, I calculate. If you buy from a man who ain't a dealer, he actilly don't know whether his horse is a good one or not; you must get advice from a friend who does know. If you buy from a dealer, he is too much for you or your friend either. If he has no honour don't trade with him. If he has, put yourself wholly and entirely on it, and he'll not deceive you, there's no mis- take — he'll do the thing genteel. If you'd a' axed me candidly now nboutthatare horse, says I — At that he looked up at me quite hard for a space, without sayin a word, but pressed his lips together quite milTy like, as if he was astrivin for to keep old Adam down, and turned short o(T and walked away. I felt kinder pity for him too ; but if a man will cheat himself in spite of all you can do, why there is no help for it, as I seQ, but to let him. Do you, squire ? CHAPTER LI. TAKING OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. TuEPG are few countries in the world, squire, said the Glockmak- er, got, such fine water powers as these provinces; but the folks don't make no use of 'em, tho' the materials for factories are spread about r\as too, as well as a profitable one. I spent upwards of a year there among the galls, atakin of them olfin the portrait line, and in that time I cleared three hundred l)ounds of your money good : it warn'fc so bad that, was it? When I was down to Rhode Island iarnin bronzin, gildin, and sketchin for the clock business, I worked at odd times for the Ho- nourable Eli Wad, a foundationalist — a painting for him. A foundr money, and a good- lookin fellow like you, with five hundred pair of pretty little good- natured longin eyes on him, is in a fair way o' gettin h<'' flint fixed, I tell you. Marriage won't do for you, my hearty, till you've seed the world 'and made somethin handsum. To marry for money is mean, to marry without it is folly, and to marry both young and poor is downright madness ; so hands ofT, says you ; love to all, but none in partiklar. If you find yourself agettin spooney, throw brush, palette, and paint over the falls, and o(T full split ; change of air and scene to cure love, consumption, or the blues, must be taken airly in the disease, or it's no good. An ounce o' prevention is worth / a pound o' cure. Recollect, too, when you are married, you are tied by the leg, Sam; like one of our sodger disarters, you have a chain adanglin to your foot, with a plaguy heavy shot to the eend of it. It keeps you to one place most all the time, for you can't carry it "with you, and you can't leave it behind you, and you can't do nothin with it. If you think you can trust yourself, go ; if not, stay where you be. It's a grand school, tho', Sam ; you'll know somethin of human natur when you leave Lowell, I estimate, for they'll larn you how to cut your eye-teeth them galls ; you'll see how wonderful the ways of womankind is, for they do beat all — that's sartin. Well, down I went to Lowell, and arter a day or two spent avisitin the factories, and gettin introduced to the ladies, I took a room and sot up my easel, and I had as much work as ever I could cleverly turn my hand to. l^Iost every gall in the place had her likeness taken ; some wanted 'em to send to homo, some to give to a sweetheart to admire, and some to hang up to admire themselves. The best of the joke was, t'very gall had an excuse for bein there. They all seemed as if they thought it warn't quite genteel, a little too much in the help style. One said she came for the benefit of the lecturs at the Lyceum, anulher to carry a little sister to d^incin school, and a third to assist the fund for foreign missions, and so on, but none on 'em to work. iSome on 'em lived in large buildings bclongin to the factory, and oHw^rs in little cottages — three or four in a house. } rocollect two or three days arlor I arrived, I wont to call on Miss i% TAKING OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. 949 I N.'iylor, 1 knew down to Squantuin, and she axed me to come and drink tea with her and the two ladies that lived with her. So in the evenin I put on my bettermost clothes and went down to tea. This, says she, introducin of me to the ladies, is Mr. Slick, a native artist or great promise, and one that is self-taught too, that is come to take ]is olT; and this is Miss Jemima Potts of Milldam, in Umbagog; and tlii? is Miss Binah Dooly, a lady from Indgian Scalp Varmont. Your sarvant, ladies, says I ; I hope I see you well. Beautiful factory this, it whips English all holler; our free and enlightened citizens have exhibited so much skill, and our intelligent and enterprisin ladies, says I (with a smile and a bow to each), so much science and taste, that I reckon we might stump the univarsal world to ditto Lowell. It sartainly is one of the wonders of the world, says Miss Jemima Potts ; it is astonishing how jealous the English are, it makes 'cm so ryled they can't bear to praise it at all. There was one on 'em agoin thro' the large cotton factory to-day with Judge Beler, and says the Judge to him, now don't this astonish you? said he; don't it exceed any idea you could have formed of it? you must allow there is nothin like it in Europe, and yet this is only in its infancy — it's only gist begun. Come now, confess the fact, don't you feel that the Kun of England is set for ever — her glory departed to set up its standard in the new world? Speak candidly now, for I should like to hear what you think. It certainly is a respectable effort for a young country with a thin population, said he, and a limited capital, and is creditable to the skill and enterprise of New England ; but as for rivalry, it's wholly out of the question, and he looked as mad as if he could aswallered a wild cat alive. Well, well, said the Judge, larfin, for he is a sweet-tempered, dear man, and the politest one too I ever knew, I don't altogether know as it is gist fair to ask you to admit a fact so humblin to your national pride, and so mortifyin to your feelins as an Englishman ; but I can easily conceive how thunderstruck you must have been on enterin this town at its pro- digious power, its great capacity, its wonderful promise. It's gene- rally allowed to be the first thing of the kind in the world. But what are you alookin at, Mr. Slick? said she; is there anything on my cheek? I was only athinkin, says I, how difficult it would be to paint such a'mosta beautiful complexion, to infuse into it the soft- ness and richness of natur's colorin ; I'm most afeerd and it would be beyond my art — that's a fact. Oh, you artists do flatter so, said she ; tho' flattery is a part of your profession I do believe; but I'm e'en a'most sure there is somothin or another on my face, — and she got up and looked into the glass to satisfy herself. It would a'done you good, squire, too see how it did satisfy her too. Uow many of the ladies have you taken off? said Miss Dooly. I have only painted three, said I, yet; but I have thirty It 250 THE CLOCKMAKER. h bespoke. How Svould you like to be painted, said I, miss? On a white horse, said she, accompanying of my father, the general, to the review. And you, said I, Miss Naylor? Astudyin Judge Naylor, my uncle's specimens, said she, in the library. Says Miss Jemima, I should like to be taken ofTin my brother's barge. What is he? said I, for he would have to have his uniform on. He? said she ; — why, he is a — and she looked away and coloured up like anything — he's an ofliccr, sir, said she, in one of our national ships. Yes, miss, said I, I know that ; but officers are dressed accordin to their grade, you know, in our sarvice. We must give him the right dress. What is his grade? Tlie other two ladies turned round and giggled, and Miss Jemima hung down her head and looked foolish. Says Miss Naylor, why don't you tell him, dear? No, says she, I won't; do you tell him. No, indeed, said Miss Naylor; he is not nry bro- ther ; you ought to know best what he is ; — do you tell him yourself. Oh, you know very well, Mr. Slick, said she, only you make as if you didn't, to poke fun at me and make me say it. I hope I may be shot if I do, says I, miss; I never heerd tell of him afore, and if he is an officer in our nivy, there is one thing I can tell you, says I, you needn't be ashamed to call one of our naval heroes your brother, nor to tell his grade neither, for there ain't an office in the sarvice that ain't one of honour and glory. The British can whip all the world, and we can whip the British. Well, says she, alookin down and takin up her handkerchief, and turnin it eend for eend to read the marks in the corner of it, to see if it was hern or not, — if I 'must, then 1 suppose I must ; he is a rooster swain then, but it's a shame to make me. A rooster swain ! says I ; well, I vow 1 never heerd that grade afore in all my born days; I hope I may die if I did. What sort of a swain is a rooster swain? How you do act, Mr. Slick, said she; ain't you ashamed of yourself? Do, for gracious sake, behave, and not carry on so like Old Scratch. You are goin too far now; ain't he, Miss Naylor? Upon my word I don't know what you mean, said Miss Naylor, aflectin to look as innocent as a female fox; I'm not used to sea-tarms, and I don't onderstand it no more than he does ; and Miss Dooly got up a book, and began to read and rock herself back- ward and forward in a chair, as rrniiar as a Mississippi sawyer, and as demure as you please. Well, thinks I, whatonder the sun can she mean? for I can't make head or tail of it. A rooster swain I — a rooster swain ! says I ; do tell— ~-Well, says she, you make me feel quite spunky, and if you don't stop this minuit, I'll go right out of the room ; it ain't fair to make game of me so, and I don't thank you for it one mite or morsel. Says I, miss, I beg your pardon ; I'll take my davy I didn't mean no oifence at all ; but, upon my word and honour, I never heerd the word rooster swain afore, and I don't .^.7-r TAKING OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. 251 1. ? On a a I, to tlu; I Naylor, Jemima, at is he? d she; — ything— es, miss, ir grade, it dress, g'ggled, Says I won't; tiiy bro- yourseir. ike as it' may be md if he . says !, brother, sarvice all the licf, and t, to see he is a ' swain ! ny born rooster shamed irry on 3, Miss id Miss used to id Miss back- sr, and un can ain ! — ike me ;ht out : thank n; rjl r word ' don't mean to larf at your brother or tease you neither. Well, says she, 1 suppose you never will ha' done, so turn away your face and I will tell you. And she got up and turned my head round with her hands to the wall, and the other two ladies started out, and said they'd go and see arter the tea. Well, says I, are you ready now, miss? Yes, said she ; — a rooster swain, if you must know, you wicked critter you, is a cockswain; a word you know'd well enough warn't fit for a lady tc speak; so take that to remember it by, — and she fetched me a deuce of a clip on the side of the face, and ran out of the room. Well, I swear I could hardly keep from larfin right out, to find out arter all it was nothin but a coxswain she made such a louss about ; but I felt kinder sorry, too, to have bothered her so, for I recollect there was the same dif- ficulty among our ladies last tA^ar about the name of the English officer that took Washington ; they called him always the 'British Admiral,' and there warn't a lady in the Union would call him by name. I'm a great friend to decency, — a very great friend indeed, squire, — for decency is a manly vartuo; and to delicacy, for delicacy is a feminine vartue ; but as for squeamishness, rat me if it don't make me sick. There was two little rooms behind the keepin room ; one was a pantry, and t'other a kitchen. It was into the fardest one the ladies went to get tea ready, and presently they brought in the things -nd sot them down on the table, and we all got sociable once more. Gist as we began conversation ag':n. Miss Jemima Potts said she must go arid bring in the cream jug. Well, up I jumps, and follers her out, and says I, pray let me, miss, wait upon you; it ain't fa:r for the ladies to do this when the gentlemen are by,— is it? Why didn't you call on me? I overtook her gist at the kitchen door. But this door-way, said I, is so plaguy narrer, — ain't it? There's hardly room for two to pass without their lips atouchin, is there? Ain't you ashamed? said she^ I believe you have broke my ccmb in two, — that's a fact; — but don't do thatag'in, said she, awhisperin, — that's a dear man ; Miss Dooly will hear you, and tell every lady in the factory, for she's plaguy jealous ; — so let me pass now. One more to make friends, said I, miss. Hush ! said she, — there — let me go ; and she put the jug in my hand, and then whipped up a plate herself, and back into the parlour in no time. A curtain, says I, ladies (as I sot down ag'in), or a book-shelf, 1 could introduce into the pictur, but it would make it a work o' great time and expense, to do it the way you speak of; and besides, said I, who would look at the rest if the face was well done? for one thing, I will say, three prettier farces never was seen painted on canvass. Oh, Mr. Slick, says they, how you bam ! — ain't you ashamed? Fact; says T, ladies, upon my honour : — a fact, and no mistake. If you 252 THE CLOCKMAKER. I h ; I hi » I '}: would allow mc, ladies, said I, to suggest, I think hair done up high, long tortoise-shell comh, with flowers on the top, would become you, Miss Naylor, and set off your fine Grecian face grand. A fashion- able mornin cap, lined with pink and trimmed with blue bows, would set off your portrait, Miss Dooly, and become your splendid Roman profile complete. And what for me? said Jemima. If I might be so bold, said I, ! would advise leavin out the comb in your case, miss, said I, as you are tall, and it might perhaps be in the way, and be broke in two (and I pressed her foot onder the table with mine) ; and I would throw the hair into long loose nateral curls, and let the nock and shoulders be considerable bare, to give room for a pearl necklace, or coral beads, or any little splendid ornament of that kind. Miss Jemima looked quite delighted at this idea, and, jumpin up, exclaimed. Dear me, said she, I forgot the sugai -tongs ! I'll gist go and fetch 'em. Allow me, says I, miss, follerin her; 'mt ain't it funny, tho', says I, too, that we should gist get scroudged ag'in in this very identical little narrer door-way, — ain't it? How you act, said she ; now this is too bad ; that curl is all squashed, I declare ; I won't come out ag'in to-night, I now. Nor I neither then, said I, larfin; let them that' wants things go for 'em. Then you couldn't introduce the specimens, could you? said Miss Naylor. The judge, my uncle, has a beautiful collection. When he was in business as a master mason, he built the great independent Democratic Sove- reignty Hall at Sam Patchville (a noble buildin that, Mr. Slick, — it's generally allowed to be the first piece of architecture in the world) . He always broke off a piece of every kind of stone used in the building, and it makes a'most a complete collection. If I could bo taken off at a table astudyin and asortin 'em into primary forma- tions, secondary formations, and trap, I should like it amazinly. Well, says I, I'll do the best I can to please you, miss, for I never hear of secondary formations without pleasure, — that's a fact. The ladies, you know, are the secondary formation, for they were formed arter man, and as for trap, says I, if they ain't up to that, it's a pity. Why, as I'm alive, said I, if that ain't the nine.o' clock bell : well, how time has flow'd, hasn't it? I suppose I must he amovin, as it is get- tin on considerable late, but I must say I've had a most delightful evenin as ever I spent in my life. When a body, says I, finds him- self in a circle of literary and scientific ladies, he takes no note of time, it passes so smooth and quick. Now, says I, ladies, excuse me for mentionin a little bit of business, but it is usual in my profession to be paid one half in advance ; 'but with the ladies I dispense with that rule, says I, on one condition,— I receive a kiss as airnest. Oh, Mr. Slick, said they, how can you? No kiss, no pictur, says I. Is that an invariable rule? says they. I never deviated from it in my life, said I, especially where the ladies arc so beautiful as my kind-. TAKING OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. 253 friends here to-niglit arc. Thank you, my sweet Miss Naylor, said I. Oh, did you ever — ? said she. And you also, dear Miss Dooly. Oh, my sakes, said she, how ondecent! I wish I could take my pay al- together in that coin, said I. Well, you'll get no such airnest from me, I can tell you, said Miss Jemima, and off she sot and darted out o' the room like a kitten, and I arter her. Oh! that dear little narrcr door-way seems made on purpose, said I, don't it? Well, I hope you are satisfied now, said she, you forward, impudent critter; you've taken away my breath a' most. Good night, ladies, said I. Good night, Mr. Slick, says they; don't forget to call and take us ofl' to- morrow at intermission. And, says Miss Jemima, walkin out as far as the gate with me, when not better engaged, we shall be happy to see you sociably to tea. Most happy. Miss, said I; only I fear 1 shall call oftener than will be agreeable; but, dear me! says I, I've forgot somethin I declare, and I turned right>about. Perhaps you have for- got it, in the little narrer door-way, said she, alarfin and asteppin backwards, and holdin up both hands to fend ofT. What is it? said she, and she looked up as saucy and as rompy as you please. Why, said I, that dreadful, horrid name you called your brother. What was it? for I've forgot it, I vow. Look about and find out, said she; it's what you ain't, and never was, and never will be, and that's a gentleman. You are a nasty, dirty, ondecent man, — that's flat, and if you don't like it you may lump it, so there now for you — good night. - But stop — shake hands afore you go, said she; let's part friends, and y*^' she held out her hand. Gist as I was agoin to take it, it slipt up like flash by my face, and tipt my hat off over my shoulder, and as I turned and stooped to pick it up, she up with her little foot and .et me have it, and pitched me right over on my knees. It was done as quick as wink. Even and quit now, said she, as good friends as ever. Dune, said I. But hush, said she ; that critter has the ears of a mole, and the eyes of a lynx. What critter? said I. Why, that frightful, ugly varment witch, Binah Oooly, if she ain't acomin out here, as I'm a livin sinner. Come again soon— that's a dear — good nightl— < and she sailed back as demure as if nothin had ahappened. Yes, squire, the Honourable Eli Wad, the foundationalist, was right when he siiid I'd see sunthin of human natur among the factory galls. The ways of woman kind are wonderful indeed. This was my first lesson, that squeamishness and indelicacy are often found united; in shorty tlmt in manners, as in other thinys, extremes meet. -V-v- •H-*,, w 254 THE CLOCKMAKER. CHAPTER LII. THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD. - N-)->. . The road from Chester to Halifax is one of the worst in the pro- vince; and daylight failing us before we made the half of our journey, we were compelled to spend the night at a small unlicensed house, the occasional resort of fishermen and coasters. There was but one room in the shanty, besides the kitchen and bed-room ; and that one, though perfectly clean, smelt intolerably of smoked salmon that gar- nished its rafters. A musket, a light-fowling piece, and a heavy American rifle, were slung on the beams that supported the floor of the garret ; and snow-shoes, fishing-rods, and small dip-nets with long ash handles, were secured to the wall by iron hooks. Altogc-' ther it had a sporting appearance, that indicated the owner to be one of those amphibious animals to whom land or. water is equally natural, and who prefer the pleasures of the chase and the fishery to the severer labour but more profitable employment of tilling the soil. A few fancy articles of costly materials and superior work- manship that ornamented the mantel-piece and open closet (probably presents from the gentlemen of the garrison at Halifax], shewed that there were sometimes visitors of a different description from the ordi- nary customers. As the house was a solitary one, and situated at the head of a deep, well-sheltered inlet, it is probable that smugglin may have addod to the profits, and diversified the pursuits of the owner. He did not, however, make his appearance. He had gone, his wife said, in his boat that afternoon to Margaret's bay, a distance of eight miles, to procure some salt to cure his fish, and would probably not return before the morning. I've been here before, you see, squire, said Mr. Slick, pointing to a wooden clock in the corner of the room ; folks that have nothin' to (-0 like to see how the time goes, — and a man who takes a glass of grog at twelve o'clock is the most punctual feller in the world. The draft is always honoured when it falls due. But who have we here ? As he said this, a man entered the room, carrying a small bundle in his hand, tied up in a dirty silk pocket-handkerchief. He was dressed in an old suit of rusty black, much the worse for wear. His face bore the marks of intemperance, and he appeared much fatigued with his journey, which he had performed alone and on foot. I hope I don't intrude, gentlemen, said he; but you see Dulhanty, poor fellow, has but one room, and poverty makes us acquainted with strange bed-fellows sometimes. Brandy, my little girl, and some cold THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD. ie55 /^ the pro- journey, d house, I but one that one, that gar- a heavy I floor of lets 'with Altoge-- be one equally 3 fishery lling the >r work- irobably wed that the ordi- ;uated at imugglin ts of the He had 's bay, a ish, and ting to a othin' to glass of d. The ire here ? 1 bundle He was or wear, d much I on foot. nty,poor ted with ome cold * water; take it out of the north side of the well, my dear,— and,— do you hear, — boquick, for I'm choked with the dust. Gentlemen, will you take some brandy and water? said he. Dulhanty always keeps / , ^ some good brandy,— none o' your wretched Yankee peach brandy, ''/ly-^''l'i':S-' that's enough to pyson a horse, but ^eal Gogniak. Well, I don't care if I do, said Mr. Slick. Arter you, sir. By your leave, the water, sir. Gentlemen, all your healths, said the stranger. Good brandy that, sir; you had better take another glass before the water gets warm,— and he helped himself again most liberally. Then, taking a survey of the Clockmaker and myself, observed to Mr. Slick, that he thought he had seen him before. Well, it's not on- likely; — where? Ah, that's the question, sir ; I cannot exactly say where. Nor I neither. Which way may you be travellin? Down east, I expect? Which way are you from then? Somewhere down south? The traveller again applied himself to brandy and water. Aheml then you are from Lunenburg? Well, I wont say I warn't at Lunenburg? Ahem ! pretty place that Lunenburg ; but they speak Dutch. D— n the Dutch ; I hate Dutch : there's no language like English. Then I suppose you are going to Halifax? Well, I won't say I wont go to Halifax afore I return, neither. A nice town that Halifax — good fish market there ; but they arc not like the English fish a'ter all. Halibut is a poor substitute for the good old English turbot. Where did you say you were from, sir? I don't gist altogether mind that I said I was from any place in partikilar, but from down south last. Ahem! your health, sir; perhaps you are like myself, sir, a stranger, and have no home : and, after all, there is no home like England. Pray what part of England are you from ? I estimate I'm not from England at all. I'm sorry for you, then : but where the devil are you from? In a general way folks say I'm from the States. Knock them down then, d — n them. If any man was to insult me by calling me a Yankee, I'd kick him ; but the Yankees have no seat of honour to kick. If I hadn't been thinkin more of my brandy and water than your answers, I might have known you were a Yankee by your miserable evasions. They never give a straight answer — there's nothing straight about them, but their long backs, — and he was asleep in his chair, overcome by the united eirects of the heat, the brandy, and fatigue. That's one o' their schoolmasters, said Mr. Slick ; and it's no wonder the Blue-noses arc such 'cute chaps when they got such "ibd THE CLOCK MAKER. I a^iy masters as that an; to tuach tho yoiin:; idon liow to slioot. The critter has axod more questions in ten minutes than if lie was a lull' blooded Yankee, tho' he does hate them so /^vowerfully. He's an Englishman, and, I guess, has seen better days; but he is ruinated by drink now. When ho is about half shaved ho is an cverlastin quarrelsom critter, and carries a most plaguy oncivil tongue in \\'\s head : that's the reason I didn't let on where I came from, for he hates us like pyson. But there ain't many such critters here ; tlie English don't emigrate here much, — they go to Canada or tho States : and it's strange too, for, squire, this is the best location in all America, is Nova Scotia, if the British did but know it. It will have the greatest trade, the greatest population, the most manufacturs,and tho most wealth of any state this side of the water. The resources, natcral advantages, and political position of this place beat all. Take it all together, I don't know gist such a country in the univarsal world a' most. What! Nova Scotia? said I ; this poor little colony, this Ultima Thule of America,— what is ever to make it a place of any consequence? Everything, squire, said he, everything that constitutes greatness. I wish we had it, — that's all ; and we will have it too some o' these days, if they don't look sharp. In the first place it has more nor twice as many great men-o'-war harbours in it, capable of holdin' the whole navy in it, stock, lock, and barrel, than we have from Maine to Mexico, besides innumerable small harbours, island lees, and other shelters, and it's gist all but an island itself; and most all the. best o' their harbours don't freeze up at no time. It ain't shut up like Canada and our back country all winter, but you can in and out as you please; and it's so intersected with rivers and lakes, most no part of it is twenty miles from navigable water to the sea, — and then it is the nearest point of our continent to Europe. All that, said I, is very true; but good harbours, though necessary for trade, are not the only things requisite in commerce. But it's in the midst of the fisheries, squire, — all sorts of fisheries too River fisheries of shad, salmon, gasperaux, and herring — shove fishery of mackerel and cod — bank fishery, and Labrador fishery. Oh dearl it beats all, and they don't do nothin with 'em, but leave 'em to us. They don't seem to think 'em worth havin or keepin, for government don't protect 'em. See what a school for seamen that is, to man the ships to fill the harbours. Then look at the beeowels of the airth : only think of the coal ; and it's no use atalkin, that's ^he only coal to supply us that we can rely on. Why, there ain't not'hin like it. It extends all the way from Bay of Fundy right out to '^ictou, thro' the province, and then under all the island of Cape Breton ; and some o' them seams are the big- gest, and thickest, and deepest ever yet discovered since the world began. Beautiful coal it is loo. Then natur has given 'em most ot. The ,'38 a full- He's an I ruinated ;verla$tin uo in his in, lor he rs here ; la or (ho >cation in the most lie water, this placti untry in this poor make it a /erything d we will the first )ur$ in it, rel, than larbours, id itself; no time, nter, but ed with lavigablo ontinent , though pi mere e. fisheries erring — ^abrador ith 'em, h havin school oal ; and can rely ay from ;n under the big- e world »m most THE HGH00LMA8TEK ABROAD. 'i't? i ^rand abundant iron-ore, here and there and everywhere, and wood and coal to work it. Only think o' them two things in such abun- dance, and a country possessed of first chop-water powers every- where, and then tell me Providence hasn't laid the foundation of a munufactorin nation here. But that ain't all. Gist see the plaster of Paris, what almighty big heaps of it there is here. We use already more nor a hundred and fifty thousand tons of it a-year for manure, and we shall want ten times that quantity yet,— we can't do without' it: it has done more for us than steam ; it has made our barren lands fertile, and whole tracts habitable, that never would have been worth a cent an acre without it. It will go to South America and the West Indgies yet — it is the magic wand — it's the philosopher's stone; 1 hope I may be shot if it ain't : it turns all it touches into gold. See what a sight of vessels it takes to carry a great bulky article likt; that, — what a sight of men it employs, what a host of folks it feeds, what a batch of sailors it bakes, what hardy tars for the wooden walls of Old England. But Old England is as blind as a bat, and Blue- nose is a puppy only nine days old ; he can't sec yet. If the critter was well trained, had his ears cropped and tongue wormed, he might' turn out a decent-lookin \vhelp yet, for the old one is a good nurse_. and feeds well. Well, then, look at the lead, copper, slate (and as for slate, they may stump Wales, I know, to produce the like), granite, grindstone, freestone, lime, manganese, salt, sulphur. Why, they've got everything but enterprise, and that I do believe in my soul they expect to find a mine of, and dig up out of the ground as they do coal. But the soil, squire, where will you find the like o' that? A considerable part of it along the coast is poor, no doubt; but it's the fishin side o' the province, and therefore it's all right ; but e>,; ; k*> the bay side is a toarin, jtippin fine country. Them dyke mashes^ ^uiiii*'^ have raised hay and grain year arter year now for a whole centery without manure, and I guess will continue to do so from July to etarnity. Then natur has given them that sea-mud, salt sand, sea- weed, and river sludge for dressin their upland, so that it could be made to carry wheat till all's blue again. If it possesses all these advantages you speak of, said I, it will doubtless be some day or another both a populous and rich country; but still it does not appear to me that it can be compared to the country of the Mississippi. Why, squire, said he, if you was once to New Orleens I think you wouldn't say so. That is a great country, no doubt, too great to compare to a small province like this ; great re- sources, great river, fertile land, great trade; but the climate is awful, and the emigrant people ain't much better than the climate. The folks at New Orleens put me in mind of children playin in a churchyard, jumpin over the graves, hidin behind the tombs, alarfin at the emblems of mortality and the queer old rhymes under 'em, all 17 n f IJ.-^' u i„ TilR CLOCKMAKRIl. full of life, and gleo, and ftin almvo ground, wliilo ondcrnoath it is a groat charncl-liousc, full of winding sheets, skeletons, and generations or departed citizens. That arc place is built in a bar in the harbour, made of snags, driftwood, and chokes, heaped up by the river, and then filled and covered with the sediment and alluvial of the rich ,^^,>c»i^ bottoms above, brought down by the freshets. It's peopled in the same way. The eddies and tides of business of all that country centre there, and the froth and scum are washed up and settle at Now Orleens. It's filled with all sorts of people, black, white, and Jnd- gians, and thoir diiTerent shades, French, Spanish, Portuguese, and Dutch; English, Irish, and Scotch, and then people from every state in the Union. These last have all nicknames. There's the hoosiers of Indiana, the suckers of I llinoy, the pukes of Missuri, thebuckeys of Ohio, the red horses of Kentucky, the mudhcads of Tenessee, the wolverines of Michigan, the eels of New England, and the corn- crackers of Virginia. All these, with many others, make up the population, which is mottled with black and all its shades; 'most all too is supplied by emigration. It is a great caravansary filled with strangers, dissolute enough to make your hair stand an cend, drinkin all day, gamblin all night, and fightin all the time. Death pervades all natur there; it breathes in the air, and it floats on the water, and rises in the vapours and exhalations, and rides on the whirlwind and tempest : it dwells on the drought, and also in the inundation. Above, below, within, around, everywhere is death; but who knows, or misses, or mourns the stranger? Dig a grave for him, and you plunge him into the water, — the worms eat the coffin, and the cro- codiles have the body. We have mills to Rhode Island with sarcular saws, and apparatus for makin packin-boxes. At one of these fac- tories they used to make 'em in the shape of coffins, and then they sarved a double purpose ; they carried out inions to New Orleans, and then carried out the dead to their graves. That are city was made by the freshets. It's a chance if it ain't carried away by them. Umay yet be its fate to be swept clerin off* by 'em, to mingle once more with the stream that deposited it, and form new land further down the river. It may chance to be a spot to be pointed out from the steam-boats as the place where a great city once stood, and a great battle was once fought, in which the genius and valour of the new world triumphed over the best troops and best ginerals of Europe. That place is gist like a hot-bed, and the folks like the plants in it. People do grow rich fast; but they look kinder spindlin and weak, and they are e'en a'most choked with, weeds and toad-stools, that grow every bit and grain as fast, — and twice as na- tcral. The Blue-noses don't know how to valy this location, squire, that's a fact, for it's a'most a grand one. What's a grand location? said the school-master, waking up. THE SCIIOOLMASTEIl ABKOAD. «50 Nova Scotia, said Mr. Slick. I was just atcllin of the squire, it's a grand location. I)— n the location, said ho ; I hate the word ; it ain't English; thurunru no words liko tlio English words.— Here, my little girl, more brandy, my dear, and somo fresh water; mind it's fresh, — take it out of tho bottom of the well— do you hear ?— the coldest spot in the well ; and be quick, for I'm burnt up with tho heat to-day. Who's for a pull of grog ? suppose we have a pull, gentlemen — a good pull, and a strong pull, and a pull altogether, eh I Here's to you, gentlemen! — ah, that's good 1 you are sure of good brandy here. I say, Mister Location, won't you moisten tho clay, eh ? — Come, my honest fellow ! I'll take another glass with you to our bettor acquaintance: — you won't, eh? well, then, I'll supply your deficiency myself; here's luck! Where did you say you were from, sir? I don't mind that I indicated where I was from gist in pitikilar. No, you didn't; but I twig you now, my boy, Sam Slick, the clockmaker 1 And so you say this is a nice location, do you? Yes, it is a nice /ocalion for pride and poverty, for ignorance and assumption, for folly and vice. Curse the location I I say; there's no location like Old England. This is a poor man's country, sir; but not a rich man's, or a gentleman's. There's nothing this side of the water, sir, approaching to the class of gentry. They have neither the feelings, the sentiments, nor the breeding. They know nothing about it. What little they have here, sir, are second-hand airs copied from poor models that necessity forces out here. It is the farce of high life below stairs, sir, played in a poor theatre to a provincial audience. Poor as I am, humble as I am, and degraded as I am, — for I am now all three, — I have seen better days, and was not al- ways the houseless wanderer you now see^me. I knowwhatlam talking about. There is nothing beyond respectable mediocrity here ; there never can be, there is no material for it, there is nothing to support it. Some fresh water, my dear ; that horrid water is hot enough to scald one's throat. 'The worst of a colony is, sir, there is no field for ambition, no room for talents, no reward for distinguished exer- tions. It is a rich country for a poor man, and a poor country for a rich one. There is no permanent upper class of society here, or any where else in America. There are rich men, learned men, agreeable men, liberal men, and good men, but very few gentlemen. Tho breed ain't pure; it is not kept long enough distinct to refine, to obtain the distinctive marks, to become generic. Dry work this talking ; — your health, gentlemen 1 a good fellow that Dulhanty,-'- suppose we drink his health? he always keeps good brandy,— there's not a headache in a gallon of it. What was I talking about? — Oh 1 I have it — the location, as those drawling Yankees call it. Yes, instead of importing horses here from England to improve the breed, they should import gentlemen ; AS «ao THE CLOCKMAKEU. i I: ■''"'■It.'.' I '0V »'/ they want the true breed, they want blood. Yes, said the Clock- maker (whom I had never known to remain silent so long before], I guess. Yes, d — n youl said the stranger, what do you know about it? — you know as much about a gentleman as a cat docs of music. If you interrupt me again, I'll knock your two eyes into one, you clock-making, pumpkin-headed, peddling, cheating, Yankee vaga- bond. The sickly waxwork imitation of gentility here, the faded arti- ficial flower of fashion, the vulgar pretension, the contemptible struggle for precedence, make one look across the Atlantic with a longingafter the freshness of nature, for life and its realities. All North America is a poor country, wi^h a poor climate. I would not give Ireland for tli<; wholeof it. This Nova Scotia is the best part of it, and has the greatest resources ; but still there is no field in a colony for a man of talent and education. Little ponds never hold big fish, there is nothing but polly- wogs, tadpoles, and minims in them. Look at them as they swim thro' the ^hallow water of the margins of their little muddy pool, following /.some small fellow an inch long, the leader of the shoal, that thinks ^himself a whale, and if you do not despise their pretensions, you will, at least, be compelled to laugh at their absurdities. Go to every le- gislature this side of'the water from Congress to Halifax, and hear the stuff that is talked. Go to every press, and see the stufT that is printed; go to the people, and sec the .stuff that is uttered or swallowed, and then tell me this is a location for anything above mediocrity. What keeps you here, then? said Mr. Slick, if it is such an everlastin mi- serable country as you lay it out to be. I'll tell you, sir, said he, and he drained ofl'the whole of the brandy, as if to prepare for the efTort — I will tell you what keeps me, and he placed his hands on his knees, and looking the Clockmaker steadily in the face until every miiscle worked with emotion — I'll tell you, sir, if yoi: must know — my misfortune. The effort and the brandy overpowered him ; he fell from his chair, and we removed him to a bed. loosened his cra- vat, and left him to his repose. It's a considerable of a trial, said the Clockmaker, to sit still and listen to that cussed old critter, 1 tell you. If you hadn't abeen hero I'd agiv'n him a rael good quiltin. I'd atanned his jacket for him ; I'd alarned him to carry a civil tongue in hishead, the nasty, drunk- en, onmannerly, good-for-nothin beast; more nor once, I felt my fingers itch to give him a slockdolager under the ear ; but he ain't worth mindin, I guess. Yes, squire, I won't deny but New Ov\eens is a great place, a wonderful place ; but there are resources here beyond all conception, and its climate is as pleasant as any we have, and a plaguy sight more healthy. I don't know what more you'd ask, almost an island indented everywhere with harbours surrounded with fisheries. The key of the St. Lawrence, the Bay of Fundy, and the West Indgies ; — prime land above, one vast mineral I THE WRONG ROOM. 201 Clock- l)efore) , V about music, nc, you B vaga- led arti- strugglo ing after lerica is 1 for t\u'. greatest lent and ut polly- rim thro' ollowing it thinks ^ou will, ivery le- ind hear [Tthat is 'allowed, y. What istin mi- said he, e for the ands on til every know — lim ; he his cra- ; i l»od beneath, and a climate, over all, temperate, pleasant, and healthy. If that ain't enough for one place, it's a pity— that's all. CHAPTER Llll. THE WRONG ROOM. Tub next morning, the rain poured down in torrents, and it was 2G2 THE CLOCKMAKEK. but if I cut down ash-tree, oak-tree, or pine-troe, in woods, I say it's mine, if I cut 'em first — for tree in \n;*J'"; If' Hn h I had gone down to Boston to keep 4tli of July, our groat Anniver- sary-day. A great day that, squire; a great national festival; a splendid spectacle ; fifteen millions of free men and three millions of slaves acelebratin the birth-day of liberty ; rejoicin in their strength, their freedom and enlightenment. Perhaps the sun never shone on such a sight afore, nor the moon, nor the stars, for their planetary system ain't more perfect than our political system. The sun typifies our splendor ; the moon in its changes figures our rotation of office, and eclipses of Presidents,— and the stars are emblems of our states, as painted on our flags. If the British dovi't catch it that day, it's a pity. All over ourUnion,inevery town and village, there are orations made, i^' gistabout as beautiful pieces of workmanship, and as nicely dovetailed, ''! and mortised, and as prettily put togetheraswellcanbe,andtheEnglish),/ catch it everywhere. All our battles are fought over ag'in, and you can e'ena'most see the British aflyin afore them like the wind, full split, or layin down their arms as humble as you please, or marchin ofi" as prisoners tied two and two, like runaway niggers, as plain asif you was in the engagements, and Washington on his great big war- horsearidin over them, and our free and enlightened citizens askiverin of them ; or the proud impudent officers akneelin downto Jiim, givin up their swords, and abeggin for dear life for quarter. Then you think you can e'en a' most see that infarnal spy Andre nabbed and sarched, and the scorn that sot on the brows of our heroes as they threw into the dirt the money he oflered to be released, and hear him beg like an Indgian to be shot like a gentleman, and not hanged fike a thief, and Washington's noble and magnanimous answer, — ' I guess they'll think we are afeerd if we don't;' — so simple, so sublime. The ham- merin of the carpenters seem to strike your ears as they erect the gallus; and then his struggles, like a dog tucked up for sheep-stealin, are as nateral as life. I must say I do like to hear them orations, — to hear of the deeds of our heroes by land and by sea. It's a bright page of history that. It exasperates the young — it makes their blood boil at the wrongs of their forefathers ; it makes them clean their rifles, and run their bullets. It prepares them for that great day, that coinin day, that no distant day neither, that must come and will come, and can't help acomin, when Britain will be a colony to our great nation, and when her colonies will be states in our Union. Many's the disputes, and pretty hot disputes too, I've had with minister about these orations. He never would go near one on 'em ; he said they were in bad taste— (a great phrase of hisn that, poor dear good old man ; I believe his heart yarns arter old times, and I must think sometimes he ought to have joined the refugees) — bad taste^ Sam. It smells o' braggin, its ongentleraanly; and, what's worse — it's onchristian. But ministers don't know much ol this world; they may know THE WRONG ROOM. •ib5 \nniver- istival; a lillions of strength, shone on planetary n typifies flice, and states, as I's a pity, ns made, i*^- lovetailed,''; eEngUshj,/ , and you • vind, full inarchin as plain \ big war- askiverin » givin up you think sarched, irew into leglike an thief, and is they'll 'he ham- erect the p-stealin, orations, s a bright leir blood )an their reat day, land will tiy to our lion, had with ) on 'em ; hat, poor es, and I es) — bad 1, what's ay ktioNv the road to Iho next; but they don't know the cross-roads and by- paths of this one— that's a fact. But I was agoin to tell you what Iiappened that day — I was stayin to General Peep's boardin house to Boston, to enjoy, as I was asayin, the anniversary. There was an amazin crowd of folks there : the house was chock full of strangers. Well, there was a gentleman and a lady, one Major Ebenezer Sproul and his wife, aboardin there, that had one child, the mostcryenest critter I ever seed ; it boohood all night a'most, and the boarders said it must be sent up (o the garret to the helps, for no soul could sleep a'most for it. Well, most every night Mrs. Sproul had to go up there to quiet the little varmint, — for it wouldn't give over yelUn for no one but her. That night, in partikilar, the critter screetched and scrcjmed like Old Scratch ; and ct last Mrs. Sproul slipped on her dressin gownd, and went up stairs to it, — and left her door ajar, so as not to disturb her husband accmin back ; and when she re- turned, she pushed the door open softly, and shot it to, and got into bed. He's asleep, now, says she ; I hope he won't disturb me ag'in. No, I ain't asleep, mynheer stranger, says Old Zwicker, a Dutch marchant from Albany (for she had got into the wrong room, and got into his bed by mistake), nor I don't dank you, nor Gineral Beep needer, for puddin you into my bed mid me, wldout my leave nor lichense, nor approbation, needer. I liksh your place more better as your company. Oh, I got no gimblet! Het is jammer, it is a pityl Oh I dear, if she didn't let go, it's a pity ; she kicked and screamed, and carried on like a ravin distracted lied-bug. Tousand teyvels, said he, what ails te man? I pelieve he is pewitched. Murder ! murder ! said she, and she cried out at the very tip ectHJ of her voice, murder! murder I Well, Zwicker, he jumped out o' bed in an all-fired hurry, most properly frightened, you may depend; and seezin her dressin gownd, instead of his trousers, he put his legs into the arms of it, and was arunnin out of the room aholdin up of the skirts with his hands, as I came in with the candle. De ferry teyvil hisself is in te man, and in te trousher too, said he ; for I pelieve te coat has grow'd to it in de night, it is so tam long. Oh, tear 1 what a pity. Stop, says I, Mister Zwicker, and I pulled him back by the gownd (1 thought I should adied larfin to see him in his red nighfr-cap, his eyes starin out o' his head, and those short- legged trousers on, for the sleeves of the dressin gownd didn't come further than his knees, with a great long tail to 'em). Stop, says I, and tell us what all this everlastin hubbub is about : who's dead, and what's to pay now ? All this time Mrs. Sproul lay curled up like a cat, covered all over in the bed clothes, ayellin and ascreamin like mad; a 'most all the house was gathered there, some ondressed, and some half-dressed — some had sticks and pokers, and some had swords. Hullo! savs I ■iiff ''I Ml I li 2r>(> Tllli; CLOCKIVIAKER, I, who on airtli is makiii all this toiiss ? (Votcii Hymel, said he, old Saydon himself, I do poleive ; he came tru do door and jumped right inloprd, and yelled so loud in mine ear as to decfenmy head a'most: pull him out by the cloven foot, and kill him, tam him ! I had no gimblct no more, and he know'd it, and dat is te cause, and notin else. Well, the folks got hold of the clothes, and pulled and hauled away till her head showed above the sheet. Dear, Dear, said Major Ebenezer Sproul;— if it ain't Miss Sproul, my wife, as I am alivol Why, Mary dear, what brought you here? — what on airth are you adoin of in Mr. Zwicker's room here ? I take my oat' she prought herself here, said Zwicker, and I peg she take herself away ag'in so fast as she came, and more faster too. What will Vrou Zwicker say to this woman's tale— was te likeesh ever heerd afore? Tear, tear, but 'tis too pad! Well, well, says the folks, who'd athought it? — such a steady old gentleman as Mr. Zwicker, — and young Marm Sproul, says they, — only think of her! — ain't it horrid? The hussy 1 says the women house-helps : she's nicely caught, ain't she ? She's no great things, anyhow, to take up with that nasty smoky old Dutchman; it sarves her right, — it does, the good-for-nothin jade; I wouldn't ahad it happen, says the Major, for lifty dollars, I vow ; and he walked up and down, and wrung his hands, and looked streak- ed enough, you may depend : — no, nor I don't know, said he, as I would for a hundred dollars a'most. Have what happened, says Zwicker; upon my vortand honor and sole, notin happened, only I liad no gimblet. Hct is jammer ; it is a pity, I went to see the baby, said Mrs. Sproul, — asobbin ready to kill herself, poor thing!— and Well, I don't want, nor have occasion, nor require a nurse, said Zwicker. — And I mistook the room, said she, and came here athinkin it was ourn. Couldn't pe possible, said he, to take me for tepapy, dat has papys hisself, — but it was to ruin my character, and name, and reputation. Oh, Goten Hymel 1 what will Vrou Zwicker say to dis wooman's tale? but then she knowd 1 had no gimblet, she did. Folks snickered and larfcd a gool deal, I tell you; but they soon cleared out and went to bed ag'in. The story ran all over Boston like wild lire ; nothin else a'most was talked of; and like most stories, it grew worse and worse every day. Zwicker returned next morn- in to Albany, and has never been to Boston since ; and the Sprouls kept close for somi time, and then moved away to the western ter- ritory; I actilly believe they changed their name, for I never heerd tell of any one that ever seed Ihem since. Mr. Slick, says Zwicker, the mornin he started, I have oneleetlo gimblet; 1 always travel with my leetle gimblet; take it mid me wheretcr I go; and when 1 goes to ped, I takes my leetle gimblet out and bores wid it over de latch of do toor, and dat fastens it, and keeps out do tief and de villain and the womans. I left it to hoiiie FINDING A RIAUE'S NKST. 'io7 dat time mid dc old vrou, and it was all because I had no gimblct, de row and te noise and the rumpush wash made. Tarn itl said he, Mr. Slick, 'tis no use talkin, but tere is always de teyvil to pay when there is a woman and no ^imblet. Yes, said the Clockmakcr, if they don't mind the number of the room, they'd better stay away, — but a little attention that way cures all. We are all in a hurry in the States ; we eat in a hurry, drink in a hurry, and sleep in a hurry. We all go ahead so fast it keeps one full spring to keep up with others ; and one must go it hot foot, if he wants to pass his neighbours. Now, it is a great comfort to have your dinner to the minute, as you do at a boardin house, when you are in a hurry — only you must look out sharp arter the dishes, or you won't get nothin. Things vanish like wink. I recollect once when q^uails first came in that season : there was an old chap at Peep's boardin-house, that used to take the whole dish of 'em, empty it on his plate, and gobble 'em up like aturkeycock, — no one else ever got none. We were all a good deal ryled at it, seein that he didn't pay no more for his dinner than us, so I nick-named him ' Old Quail,' and it cured him ; he always left haf arter that, for a scramb. No system is quite perfect, squire ; accidents will happen in the best re- gulated places, like thit of Marm Sproul's and Old Quail's ; but still there is nothin arter all like a boardin-house, — the only thing is, keep out of the wrong room. CHAPTER LIV. FINDING A MARE S Ni:ST. Halifax, like London, has its tower also, but there is this remark- able dilTerence between these two national structures, that the one is designed for the cfefenders of the country, and the other for its of- fenders and that the former is as difficult to be broken into as the latter (notwithstanding all the ingenious devices of successive generations from the days of Julius Caisar to the time of the schoolmaster) is to be broken out of. A critical eye might perhaps detect some other, though lesser points of distinction. This cis-Atlantic martello tower has a more aristocratic and exclusi e air than its city brother, and its portals are open to none but those who are attired in the uniform of the guard, or that of the royal stalT; while the other receives the lowest, the most depraved, and vulgar of mankind. It is true it has not tlt£ lions and other adventitious attractions of the elder one ; but the original and noble park in which it is stands plentifully stocked 7vith carriboosy while th^ horn work of the latter is at least equal to that S':' -208 THE CLOCKMAKEU. ^i f of its ancient rival ; and although it cannot exhibit a display of tl^ ormour of ffie country, its very existence there is conclusive evi- dence of the amor patrice. It stands on an eminence that protects the harbour of Halifax, and commands that of the North-west Arm, and is situated at the termination of a fashionable promenade, which is skirted on one side by a thick shrubbery, and on the other by the uatcrs of the harbour; the former being the resort of those of both soxos who delight in the impervious shade of the spruce, and the latter oC those who prefer swimming, and other aquatic exercises. With those attractions to the loyers of 7iaturef and a pure air, it is thronged at all hours, but more especially at day-dawn, by the valetudinarian, the aged, and infirm, and at the witching hour of moonlight by those who are young enough to defy the dew and damp air of night. To the latter class I have long since ceased to belong. Old, cor- |iiilciit, and rheumatic, I am compelled to te careful of a body that is not worth the trouble that it gives me. L no longer indulge in the dreamy visions of the second nap, for, alasl non sum qualis eram. I rise early, and take my constitutional walk to that tower. I had not proceeded more than half-way this morning before I met the Clockmaker returning to town. Mornin, squire, said he ; I suppose you didn't hear the news, did you? the British packet's in. Which packet? said I ; for there are two due, and great apprehensions are entertained that one of them is lost. More promotion, then, said he, for them navals that's left; it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good. Good God! said I, Mr. Slick, how can you talk so unfeelingly of such an awful catastrophe? Only think of the misery entailed by such an event upon Falmouth, where most of the officers and crew have left destitute and distressed families. Poor creatures, what dreadful tidings await them ! Well, well, said he, I didn't gist altogether mean to make a joke of it nei- ther ; but your folks know wliat they are about; them coffin ships ain't sent out for nothin. Ten of them gun-brigs have been lost al- ready; and, depend on it, the English have their reasons for it — there's no mistake about it : considerable 'cute chaps them, they can see as far into a millstone as them that picks the hole in it; if they throw a sprat it's to catch a jnackerel, or my name is not Sam Slick. Reason, 1 replied, — what reason can there be for consigning so many gallant fellows to a violent death and a watery grave? What could justify such a ? I'll tell you, said the Clockmaker; it keeps the natives to home by frightenin 'em out of their seven senses. Now, if they had a good set of liners, them blue-nose tories and radicals would be for everlastinly abotherin of government with their re- quests and complaints. Hungry as hawks them fellers ; they'd fairly eat the minister up without salt, they would. It compels 'em to stay at home, it does. Your folks desarve credit for that trick, FINDING A MARE8 NEST. 2m hi for it answers ihi purpose rael compiatc. Yes, you Englisli arc pretty considerable tarnation sharp. You warn't horn yesterday, I (ell you. You are always aflndin out some mare's nest or another. Didn't you send out water-casks and filterin-stones last war to the fresh mater lakes to Canada? Didn't you send out a frigate ttiere ready built, in pieces ready numbered and marked, to put together, 'cause there's no timber in America, nor carpenters neither ? Didn't you order the Yankee prisoners to be kept at the fortress of Louis- burg, which was so levelled to the ground fifty years before that folks can hardly tell where it stood? Han't you squandered more money to Bermuda than would make a military road from Halifax to Quebec, make the Windsor railroad, and complete the great canal? Han't you built a dockyard there that rots all the cordage and stores as fast '^v as you send them out there? and han't you to send these things every year to sell to Halifax, 'cause there ain't folks enough to Ber- muda to niakean auction? Don't you send out a squadron every year of seventy-fours, frigates, and sloops of war, and most work 'em to death, sendin 'em to Bermuda to winter, 'cause its warm, and to Hali- fax to summer, cause its cool ; and to carry freights of doubloons and dollars from the West Indies to England, 'cause it pays well ; while the fisheries, coastin trade, and revenue are left to look out for themselves? Oh, if you don't beat all, it's a pity ! Now, what in natur is the use of them are great seventy-fours in peace time on that station ? Half the sum of money one of them are everlastin almighty monsters costs would equip a dozen spankin cut- ters, commanded by leftenants in the navy (and this I will say, tho' they be Britishers, a smarter set o' men than they be never stept in shoe-leather), and they'd soon set these matters right in two twos. Them seventy-fours put me in mind of Black Hawk, the great Ind- gian chief that was to Washinton lately ; he had an alligator tattoed on the back part of one thigh, and a racoon on t'other, touched otTto the very nines, and as nateral as anything you ever seed in your life ; and well he know'd it too, for he was as proud of it as anything. Well, the president, and a whole raft of senators, and a considerable of an assortment of most beautiful ladies, went all over the capital with him, shewin him the great buildins, and public halls, and curio- sities, patents, presents, and what not ; but Black Hawk, he took no notice of nothin a' most till he came to the picturs of our great naval and military heroes, and splendid national victories of our free and enlightened citizens, and them he did stare at ; they posed him con- siderable — that's a fact. Well, warrior, said the president, arnbbin of his hands, and asmil- in, what do you think of them? Broder, said Black Hawk, them grand, them live, and breathe, and speak — them great pictures, I tell yoUf very great indeed ; but I got better ones, said he, and he turned L I tv n.^- ii ■'?^ H . n iU) THE CliOCKMAKEg. Ifi round, and stooped down, and drow up his mantio over his head. Look at that alligator, brodcr, said he, and ho struck it with his hand till he made all ring again ; and that racoon behind there ; bcan*t they splendid? Oh Lord 1 if there warn't a shout, it's a pity 1 The men haw-hawed right out like thunder, and the women ran olT, and screamed like mad. Did you ever! said they. How ondecent! ain't it shocking? and then they screamed out ag'in louder than afore. Oh, dear ! said they, if that nasty, horrid thing ain't in all the mir- rors in the room I and they put their pretty little hands up to their dear little eyes, and raced right out into the street. The president he stamped, and bit his lip, and looked as mad as if ho could have swallereda wild cat alive. Cuss him ! said he, I've half a mind to kick him into the Potomac, the savage brute ! I shall never hear the last of this joke. I fairly thought 1 should have split to see the con- flustrigation it put 'em all into. Now, that's gist the way with your seventy-fours. When the Blue-noses grumbled that we Yankees smuggle like all vengeance, and have all the fisheries on the coast to ourselves, you send 'em out a greatseventy-four with a painted starn for 'em to look at, and it is gist about as much use as the tattoed starn of Black Hawk. Miopc I may bo shot if it ain't. Well, then gist see how you True, said 1, glad to put a stop to the enumeration of our blunders, but government have added some new vessels to the packet line of a very superior description, and will withdraw the old ones as soon as possible. These changes are very expensive, and cannot be elfected in a moment. Yes, said ho, so I have heerd tell ; and I have heerd, , too, that the new ones won't lay to, and the old ones won't scud;^ grand chance in a gale for a feller that, ain't it? One tumbles over in the trough of the sea, and the other has such great solid bulwarks, if she ships a sea she never gets rid of it but by going down. Oh, you British are up to everything! it wouldn't be easy to put a wrinkle on your horns, I know. They will at least, said I, with more pique than prudence, last as long as the colonies. It is admitted on all hands now, by Tories, Whigs, and Radicals, that the time is not far distant when the provinces will be old enough for independence, and strong enough to demand it. I am also happy to say that there is every disposition to yield to their wishes whenever a majority shall concur in applying for a separation. It is very questionable whether the expense of their protection is not greater than any advantage we derive from them. That, said the Clockmakcr, is what I call, now, good sound sense. I like to hear you talk that way, for it shews you participate in the enlightenment of the age. After all the expense you have been to in conquerin, clearin, settlin, fortify in, govcrnin, and protectin these colonies from the time they were little miserable spindlin seedlins up 7 ■-■■ / ;/, [g head, lis hand ; bcan't yl The ofT, and idcccnt 1 in afore, the mir- ) to their ^resident lid have mind to hear the the con- nth your Yankees ! coast to ted starn oed starn then gist blunders, line of a s soon as clfected ve heerd, , [I't scud; )les over ulwarks, Oh, you rinkle on »rc pique 3d on all is not far !nce, and i there is rity shall whether ntage we id sense, te in the leen to in in these edlios up liNDINO A MARK'S NKsT. ill to now, when they have grow'd to be considerable stiff and strong, and of some use, to give 'em up, and encourage 'cm to ax for 'mancipa- tion, is, I estimate, l^e part of wise men. Yes, I see you are wide awake. Let'em go. They are no use to you. But, I say, squire, — and ho tapped me on the shoulder and winked, — let 'em look out the next mornin arter they are free for a visit from us. If we don't put 'em thro' their facins it's a pity. Tho' they are no good to you, they are worth a Jew's eye to us, and have 'em we will, by gum ! You put me in mind of a British parliament-man that was travollin in the States once. I seed him in a steam-boat on the Ohio (a most a grand river that, squire ; if you were to put all the English rivers intoone you couldn't make its ditto), and we went the matter of seven hundred miles on it till it jincd the Mississip|)i. As soon as we turned to go down that river he stood, and stared, and scratched his head, like bewildered. Says he, this is very strange — very strange indeed, says he. What's strange? said I ; but he went on without hearin. It's the greatest curiosity, said he, I ever seed, a nateral phenomenon, one of the wonders of the world ; and he jumped right up and down like a ravin distracted fool. Where is it? said ho. What the devil has become of it? If it's your wit, said I, you are alookin for, it's gone a wool-gatherin more nor half an hour ago. What on airth ails you, says I, to make you act so like Old Scratch that way? Do, for goodness sake, look here, Mr. Slick 1 said ho. That immense river the Ohio, that we have been sailin upon so many days, where is it? Where is it? said I. Why, it's run into tho Mississippi here to be sure; where else should it be? or did you think it was like a snake, that it curled its head under its own belly, and run back again ? But, said he, the Mississippi arn't made one inch higher or one inch wider by it; it don't swell it one mite or morsel ; it's marvellous, ain't it? Well, gist afore that, we had been talking about the colonies; so, says I, I can tell you a more marvellous thing than that by a long chalk. There is Upper Canada, and Lower Canada, and New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia, and Cape Breton, and Prince Edward's Island, and Newfoundland, — they all belong to tho English. Well, said he, I know that as well as you do. Don't be so j)laguy touchy 1 said I, but hear me out. They all belong to the English, and there's no two ways about it; it's the best part of America too; better land and better climate than ourn, and free from yaller fevers, and agues, and nig- ger slaves, and hostile Indgians, and Lynchers, and alligators, and such like varmint, and all the trade and commerce of them colonies, and the supply of 'factured goods belong to the English too, and yet I defy any livin soul to say he can see that it swells their trade to be one inch wider, or one inch higher ; it's gist a drop in the bucket. Well, that is strange, said he ; but it only shews the magnitude of IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 I.I ■tt Uii |Z2 iM 12.0 HI IL25 HI 1.4 U4 <^ ^%. W / ^^v ^ Photographic Sciences Corporation ^** '^.V' 23 WEST MAIN STRUT WnSTIR.N.Y. MSM (71«)t73-4S03 '^ ^T.^- *^ ^ ^w ♦272 THE CLOCKMAKER. im British commerce. Yes, says I, it does; it shews another thing too. What's that ? said he. Why, says I, that their commerce is a plaguy sight deeper than the shaller-pated noodles that it belongs to. Do you, said I, gist take the lead-line, and sound the river gist below where the Ohio comes into it, and you will find that, though it tante broader or higher, it's an everlastin sight deeper than it is above the jinin place. It can't be otherwise in natur. v Now, turn the Ohio, and let it run down to Baltimore, and you'd find the Mississippi, mammoth as it is, a diflerent guess river from what you now see it. It wouldn't overrun its banks no more, nor break the dykes at New Orleens, nor leave the great Cyprus swamps under water any longer. Itwould look pretty streaked in dry weather, I know. Gist so with the colony trade ; though you can't see it in the ocean or English trade, yet it is there. Gut it off, and see the raTt or ships you'd have to spare, and the thousands of seamen you'd have to emigrate to us ; and see how white about the gills Glasgow, and Greenock, and Liverpool, and Manchester, and Birmingham would look. Cuttin off the colonies is like cuttin off the roots of a tree ; it's an even chance if it don't blow right slap over the very first sneeze of wind that: comes; and if it don't, the leaves curl up, turn yaller, and fall olT afore their time. Well, the next spring follerin there is about six feet of the top dead, and the tips of the branches withered, and the leaves only half size; and the year after, unless it sends out new roots, it's a great leafless trunk, a sight to behold; and, if it is strong enough to push out new roots, it may revive, but it never looks like itself again. Tfie luxuriance is gone, and gone for ever. You got chops in your parliament that never seed a colony, and yet get up and talk about 'em by the hour, and look as wise about 'em as the monkey that had seen the world. In America all our farms a' most have what we call the rough pastur — that is, a great rough field of a hundred acres or so, near the woods, where we turn in our young cattle, and breedin mares, and colts, and dry cows, and what not, wherethey take care of them- selves, and the young stock grow up, and the old stock grow fat. If 8 a grand outlet that to the farm j that mould he overstocked with" out it. We could not do without it nohow. Nowy your colonies are tliegreatjieldfor a redundant population, a grand outlet. Ask the ^^Malians what fixed their flint? Losin the overland trade to India. Ask the folks to Cadiz what put them up a tree? Losin the trade to South America. If that's too far off, ask the people of Bristol and Chester what sewed them up? and they will tell you, while they was asleep, Liverpool ran off with their trade. And if you havn't time to go there, ax the first coachman you get alongside of, what he thinks of the rail-roads? and gist listen to the funeral I KEEPING UP THE STEAM. 273 thing tod. 3 a plaguy s to. i)o ;ist below ,h it tante above the md you'd rivet I'rom more, nor IS swamps y^ weather, t see it in nd see the men you'd Glasgow, rmingham I roots of a 3 very first '1 up, turn ng follerin $ branches r, unless it to behold ; ay revive, , and gone lony, and «rise about the rough T so, near in mares, e of them- grow fat. ^ked with- T colonies ttlet. Ask id trade to Losin the people of 1 tell you, . And if alongside Ihe funeral hymn he'll sing over the turnpikes. When I was to England last, I always did that when I was in a hurry, and it put coachee into such a passion, he'd turn to and lick his horses out o' spite into a full gallop. D— n 'em, he'd say, them that sanctioned them railroads, to ruin the 'pikes (get along you lazy willain, Charley, and he'd lay it into the wheeler], they ought to be hanged, sir, (that's the ticket, and he'd whop the leader), — yes, sir, to bo hanged, for what is to become of them as lent their money on the 'pikes? (wh — ist, crack, crackgoes the whip) — hanged and quartered they ought to be. These men ought to be relunerated as well as the slave-holders ; I wonder, sir, what we shall all come to yet? Come to, says I ; why, to be a stoker to be sure ; that's what all you coachmen will eend in at last, as sure as you are born. A stoker, sir, said he (lookin as both'red as if it wor a French furriner that word), what the devil is that? Why, a stoker, says I, is a critter that draws, and stirs, and pokes the fire of a steam-engin. I'd sooner die first, sir, said he; I would, d — n me, if I wouldn't! Only think of a man of my age and size bein a stoker, sir; I wouldn't be in the fellow's skin that would pro- pose it to me, for the best shilling as ever came out o' the mint. Take that, and thatf and that, he'd say to the ofT for'ard horse (alayin it into him like mad), and do your own work, you dishonest rascal. It is fun alive you may depend. No, sir, lose your colonies, and you'd have Et/e-taMan cities without their climate, ^^^-talian lazaroni without their light hearts to sing over their poverty, (for the English can't sing a bit better nor bull- frogs), and worse than^^^-talian eruptions and volcanoes in politics, Vt^ithout the grandeur and sublimity of those in natur'. Deceive not yourselves ; if you lop off the branches, the tree perishes, for the leaves elaborate the sap that vivifies, nourishes, and supports the trunk. There's no two ways about it, squire : 'them who say colonies are no good, are either fools or knaves; iftliey befools they ain't worth answerin, andiftliey are knaves ^ send them to tlie treadmill^ till they lam to speak tlie truth.* CHAPTER LV. KEEPING UP THE STEAM. It is painful to think of the blunders that have been committed from time to time in the management of our colonies, and of the gross ignorance, or utter disregard of their interests, that has been displayed in the treaties with foreign powers. Fortunatck trade ve put a St. Our ire you ; h them. ive come iends by nsarn, I le thing, me the , said I, )u before promise rike out wishes. a fancy ir man. ike and present k ready istols in ed ; and is cigar, which what is that's sartin, for you have coloured matters so it's easy to sco which way the caf jumps. Do yon mean to wriU) a siitiro on our groat nation, and our I'roo and cnlislilcnod cilizons? — borniisd if you do, yist rub my name out of it, if you ploaso. I'll havo neither nrt nor part in it; I won't havo nothin to do with it on no accoiuit. It's a dirty bird that fouls its own nest. I'm not ajj;oin for to wake up a swarm o' hornets about my ears, I tell you ; I know a trick worlli twoo' that, I reckon. Is it to sarvo a particular piupose, or is it a mere tradin speck? I will toll you candidly, sir, what my object is, I replied. In the Canadas there is a party advocating republican institutions, and hostility to everything British. In doin^ so, they exa^gerato all the advantages of such a form of government, and depreciate the blessings of a limited monarchy. In England this party luifortu- natoly finds too many supporters, either from a misappreh< i.,ion of the true state of the case, or from a participation in their trea- sonable views. The sketches contained in the presenl and pre- ceding chapters of the Clockmaker, it is hop.'J, will throu some light on the topics of t'u I ly, as connected with the designs of the .inti- English party. The object is purely patriotic. I beg of )ou to bo assured that I have no intention whatever to ridicule your institu- tions or your countrymen 1 nothing can be further from my thoughts ; and it would give mo.great pain if I could suppose for a moment that any person could put such an interpretation upon my conduct. I like your country, and am proud to number many citizens of the Ignited States among those whom I honour and love. It is contentment with our own, and not disparagement of your institutions, that I am* desirous of impressing upon the minds of my countrymen. Right, said he; I see it as plain as a boot-jack ; it's no more than your duty. But the book does beat all — that's a fact. There's more fiction in this than in t'other one, and there are many things in it that I don't know exactly what to say to. I guess you had better add the words to the title-page, *a work of fiction,' and that will clear me, or you must put your name to it. You needn't bo ashamed of it, I tell you. It's a better book than t'other one; it ain't just altogether so local, and it goes a little grain deeper into things. If you work it right, you will make your fortin out of it; it will make a man of you, you may depend. How so? said I ; for the last volume, all the remune- ration I had was the satisfaction of finding it i.nd done some good among those for whose benefit it was desii,'ned, and I have no other expectation from this work. More fool you, then, said he; but I'll tell you how to work it. Do you get a copy of it done off on most beautiful paper, with a most an elegant bindin, all covered over the back with gildin (I'll gild it for you myself complete, and charge you nothin but the price of the gold leaf, and that's a mere trifie ; it only costs the mattei of two shilling and sixpence a paper, or there- )•.(! ., 284 THE CLOCKMAKER. abouts), and send it to the head minister of the Colonies, with a letter. Says you, minister, says yon. here's a work that will open your eyes a bit; it will give you considerable information on American matters, and that's a thing, I guess, none on you know a bit too much on. You han't heerd so much truth, nor seen so pretty a book, this one while, I know. It gives the Yankees a considerable of a hacklin, and that ought to please you ,• it shampoos the English, and that ought to please the Yankees,- and it does make a proper fool of Blue-nose, and that ought to please you both, because it shows it's a considerable of an impartial work. Now, says you, minister, it's not altogether considered a very profitable trade to work for nothin and find thread. An author can't live upon nothin but air, like a cameleon, though he can change colour as often as that little crittur does. This work has done a good deal of good. It has made more people hear of Nova Scotia than ever heerd tell of it afore by a long chalk ; it has given it a character in the world it never had before, and raised the valy of rael property there considerable ; it has shown the world that all the Blue-noses there ain't fools, at any rate; and, though I say it that shouldn't say it, that there is one gentleman there that shall be name- less that's cut his eye-»teeth, anyhow. The natives are considerable proud of him : and if you want to make an impartial deal, to tie the Nova Scotians to you for ever, to make your own name descend to posterity with honour, and to prevent the inhabitants from ever thinking of Yankee connection (mind that hint, say a good deal about that; for it's a tender point that, ajoinin of our union, and fear is plaguy sight stronger than love any time) , you'll gist sarve him as you sarved Earl Mulgrave (though his writin's ain't to be compared to the Clockmaker no more than chalk is to cheese) ; you gave him the governorship of Jamaica, and arterwards of Ireland. John Russell's writins got him the birth of the leader in the House of Commons. Well, Francis Head, for his writins you made him Governor of Canada, and Walter Scott you made a baronet of, and Bulwer you did for too, and a great many others you have got the other side of the water you sarved the same way. Now, minister, fair play is a jewel, says you ; if you can reward your writers to home with go- vernorships and baronetcies, and ail sorts o' snug things, let's have a taste o' the good things this side o' the water too. You needn't be afraid o' bein too often troubled that way by authors from this country. (It will make him larf that, and there's many a true word said in joke) ; but we've got a sweet tooth here as well as you have. Poor pickins in this country, and colonists are as hungry as hawks. Tlio Yankee made Washington Irvin a minister plenipo', to honour him; and Blackwood last November, in his magazine, says that are Yankee's books ain't fit to be named in the same day with the Clock- maker — that they're nothin b«li Jeremiads. Now, though Black- THE CLOCKMAKER'S PARTING ADVICL. 285 lonour at are Hock- Mack- wood desarves to be well kicked for his politics (mind and say that, for he abuses the ministry sky-high that feller — I wouldn't take that crittur's sarse, if I was them, for nothin a'most — he r: illy does blow them up in great style), he ain't a bad judge of books — at1east*it don't become mo to say so; and if he don't know much about 'em, I do; I won't turn my back on any one in that hne. So, minister, says you, gist tip a stave to the Governor of Nova Scotia, order him to in- quire out the author, and to tell that man, that distinguished man, that her Majesty delights to reward merit, and honour talent, and that if he will come home, she'll make a man of him for ever, for the sake of her royal father, who lived so long among the Blue-noses, who can't forget him very soon. Don't threaten him; for I've often ob- sarved, if you go for to threaten John Bull, he gist squares ofTto fight without sayin of a word; but give him a hint. Says you, I had a peacock, and a dreadful pretty bird he was, and a most a beautiful splendid long tail he had too ; well, whenever I took the pan o' crumbs out into the poultry yard to feed the fowls,, the nasty stingy criltur never would let any of 'em have a crumb till he sarved himself and his sweetheart first. Our old Muscovy drake, he didn't think this a fair deal at all, and he used to go walkin round and round the pan ever so often, alongin to get a dip into it ; but peacock he always flew at him and drove him ofT. Well, what does drake do (for he thought he wouldn't threaten him, for fear of gettin a thrashin), but he goes round and seizes him by the tail, and pulls him head over heels, and drags him all over the yard till he pulls every one of his great, long, beautiful feathers out, and made a most proper lookin fool of him — that's a fact. It made peacock as civil as you i)lease for ever after. Now, says you, Mr. Slick and I talk of going to England next year, and writin a book about the British : if I ain't allowed to get at the pan of crumbs, along with some o' them big birds with the long tails, and get my share of 'em, some folks had better look out for squalls: if Glockmaker gets hold of 'em by the tail, if he don't make the feathers fly, it's a pity. A joke is a joke, but I guess they'll find that no joke. A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse ; so come down handsum, minister, or look to your tails, I tell you, for there's a keel-hauling in store for some of you that shall be nameless, as sure as you are born. Now, squire, do that, and see if they don't send you out govern- or of some colony or another ; and if they do, gist make me your deputy secretary, — that's a good man— and we'll write books till we write ourselves up to the very tip-top of the ladder — we will, by gam I Ah, my friend, said I, writing a book is no such great rarity in England as it is in America, I assure you ; and colonies would soon be wanting, if every author were to be made a governor. It's a rarity in the colonies, though, said he ; and I should like to know V n w tno THE CLOCKMAKER. how many governors there have been who could write the Clock- maker. Why, they never had one that could do it to save his soul alive. Come, come, Mr. Slick, said I, no soft sawder, if you please, to^e. I have no objections to record your jokes upon others, but I do not desire to be made the subject of one myself. I am not quite such a simpleton as not to know that a man may write a book, and yet not be fit for a governor. Some books, said he, such as | could name ; but this I will say and maintain to my dyin day, that a man that knows all that's set down in the Clockmaker's (and it ain't pro- bable he emptied the whole bag out — there must be considerable siftins left in it yet), is fit for governor of any place in the univarsal world. I doubt if even Mr. Van Buren himself (the prettiest penman atween the poles) could do it. Let 'em gist take you up by the heels and shake you, and see if as much more don't come out. If you really are in earnest, I said, all I can say is, that you very much over-rate it. You think favourably of the work, because you are kind enough to think favourably of the author. All this is very well as a joke ; but I assure you they would not even condescend to answer such a communication at the Colonial Office ; they would set such a letter dovyn as the ravings of insanity — as one of the innu- merable instances that are constantly occurring of the vanity and folly of authors. Don't you believe it, said he; and if you don't send it, I hope I may be shot if I don't. I'll send it through our minister at the Court of St. James's. He'll do it with pleasure ; he'll feel proud of it as an American production — as a rival to Pickwick Papers, as the American Boz ; he will, I vow. That's gist exactly what you are fit for — I've got it — I've got it now ; you shall be ambassador to our court to Washington. Tlie knowledge I have given you of America, American politics, American character, and American feelin, has gist fitted you for it. It's a grand berth that, and private secretary will suit me to a notch. I can do your writin, and plenty o' time to spare to spckilato in cotton, niggers, and tobacco too. That's it — that's the dandy ! And he jumped up, snapped his fingers, and skipped about the floor in a most extraordinary manner. Here, waiter, d — n your eyes ! (for I must larn to swear — the English all swear like troopers; the French caH'om Mountshear G— d d— -ns ;) here, waiter, tell his Excellency the British minister to the court of the American people (that's you, squire, said he, and he made a scrape of his leg) , that Mr. Secretary Slick is waitin. Come, bear a hand, rat you, and stir your stumps, and mind the title, do you hear, — Mr. Secretary Slick. I have the honour to wish your Excellency, said he, with the only bow I ever saw him perpetrate, and a very hearty shake of the hands —I have the honour to wish your Excellency good night and good b' ye. END OF THE CLOCKMAKER. the Glock- vo his soul you please, lers, but I 1 not quite book, and as I could liat a man t ain't pro- msiderable ! univarsal )st penman ^ the heels It. t you very ecause you his is very lescend to hey would ' the innu- y and folly fi't send it, ninister at feel proud ers, as the you are fit dor to our America, 1, has gist •etary will le to spare -that's the iped about 1 — n your troopers; ', tell his in people leg), that I, and stir ary Slick. [ the only the hands good b' ye. THE BUBBLES OF CANADA. BY THE AUTHOR OP THE CLOCKMAKER.' :♦ I If ♦^'/"*^^' ''i? ^l^"^'^ '*' ^^ ^'^"'^ <^«" 't a 8hap-/»o / Why the [devil couldu't he call It a hat at once- hunters may flatter, and vulgar men may fawn, and officd-holders tremble and obey, but the truth must still be told. A governor is the representative of royalty, and colonists have been taught to venerate the office, whatever they may think of the man. At the present crisis it is the test of loyalty. You will search in vain among those addresses for the names of the disafTected ; and if those who signed them have expressed themselves strongly, they felt it was no time to measure words, when hesitation bears so strong a resemblance to a repugnance springing from a ditTerent cause. But even among these customary offerings of official respect, you will find several exhibiting a choice of expression that bespeak a desire to separate the approbation of measures from the usual deference to rank and station, and others marking the distinction in explicit terms. The colonist by no means regrets his resignation, because he lias shewn from his irritable tem- per, inconsiderate conduct, and crude and dangerous schemes, that, of all men, he was the most unfit depository for the extraordinary powers that were entrusted to him ; but he does regret that public at- tention should be diverted from so important a subject as our Canadian affairs, to so unimportant a matter as my Lord Durham's private quarrels. He is desirous that the questions at issue between the people of OP CANADA. 905 ion to kick ing friend t to be that ning one, nt and oc- ) they are, stand gap- lat can bo f the prize ivo always trations of and more nist. He 1 the other ced to his He has by his im- former is er unsafe, lanadians, addresses Place- d-holders nor is the ) venerate e present ong those ho signed 10 time to ance to a ong these exhibiting probation nd others no means ible tem- (les, that, jordiriary )ublic at- Canadian s private Canada and Great Britain should be understood, and he doubts not that the good sense and good fueling of this country will apply the proper remedies. In compiling a statement of these grievances, pretensions, or claims ( or by whatever other name you may choose to designate them), I shall hope to contribute towards this desirable object. I feel, however, my dear friend, that before I enter upon the subject, I ought to apologise to you for the bulk of this work. Indeed, when you told me at Melrose that you had been in Egypt during nearly the whole period of these Canadian disputes, and therefore wished to have a history of them, I had not the slightest idea that in undertaking to give you one, I was going to write a book. But, though I will fulfil my promise, I will not exceed it. I shall confine myself to a sketch of the origin, progress, and present state of agita- tion in Lower Canada. I will shew you the pretensions that have been put forth, the concessions that have been made, and the open questions that now remain ; you will then be able to judge whether these grievances have led to disafTection, or disalTcction has given rise to grievances, and in either case will be able to perceive what ought to be the remedy. Facts and not theories are wanted ; you must know the cause and nature of a disease before you can prescribe for it. If ever you had the misfortune to have had the tooth-ache, you have doubtless found that every one of your friends had an infallible remedy, each of which eventually proved, upon trial, to be nothing more than a palliative, a nostrum that soothed the anguish for a time, by conciliating the nerve; but that the pain returned, with every change of atmosphere, with increased power, while thesedafivo application became less and less efficacious the oftener it was repeated. You have also found, as others have experienced before you, that while you were thus temporising with an evil which required more prompt and skilful treatment, you had lost the opportunity of filling the cavity and preserving the tooth, by suffering decay to proceed too far to admit of the operation, and, after years of suffering, had to submit at last to cold iron, the ultima ratio of dentists. Whether the system of palliatives and concessions, that has been resorted to in Canada, is a wise and proper one, I shall not presume to say ; but all men must agree that it at least has the merit of displaying an amiable incli- nation to avoid giving pain. Whatever doubts may arise as to the conciliatory measures of past years, there can be none whatever entertained that they cannot be persisted in any longer with advan- tage. I shall content myself, however, with merely presenting you with a statement of the case, and you shall decide for yourself whether stoppm^y Qx forcible extractkoiiy be now the proper remedy. people of 100 TUB BUBBLES LETTEU II. Aftkr tho lato unhappy and wicked rebellion in Canada was sup- pressed, it was found necessary to punish with death a few of the most conspicuous traitors, for the atrocious murders they had committed. In the colonies, although the justice of this act was fully admitted, tho necessity that existed for it was generally deplored. So much Mood had Leon shed in tho Held, and so much misery entailed upon the country, by that rash and unprovoked revolt, that tho people would gladly have been spared the spectacle of a further sacrifice of human life, if the outraged laws of the country had not imperatively called for retribution. They felt, too, that although nothing could justify their having desolated the country with fire and sword, in sup- port of mere speculative points of government, some pity was due to deluded men, who had been seduced from their allegiance by promises of support, nnd direct encouragement to revolt by people of iniluonco and standing in the pother country ; but although they knew that mischievous counsels had been given, they certainly were not pre- pared to hear similar sentiments pubUcly avowed in tho parliament of the nation, ft was, therefore, not without mingled feelings of sur- prise and sorrow that they heard one honourable member invoke de- feat and disgrace upon Her Majesty's troops, whose service was al- ready sufliciently painful without this aggravation ; and a noble lord, in another branch of the legislature, denounce, with indignant elo- quence, tho juries who had tried and the judges that had sentenced these convicted criminals. They ought, however, to have known, and certainly a little reflection would have suggested, that the instinc- tive horror of those distinguished men at such an event was quite natural, and that they who advocate revolutionary doctrines must necessarily shudder at the untimely fate of those who have dared to act upon them. It was a warning not to bo disregarded, a consum- mation that might be their own, and a lesson fraught with a most salutary moral. As their perceptions were acute enough to make the application, it is to be hoped their prudence will be suflicient to avoid a similar result. Nor is the language held by my Lord Durham, in his recent valedictory proclamation, less surprising. He has thought proper^ in that extraordinary document, to give the sanction of his high station to the popular error that the Ganadas have been misgo- mrnedy and thereby expressed a deliberate censure upon the conduct of abler and better men than himself who have preceded him. Now, there are various kinds of roisgovernment, which may be effected by acts of commission or omission, or of both, for a defeciive form of go- OF CANADA 207 vornmont and inisgovcriiment nro widely dinercnt. If his lordship meant to uso tlio word In either of those senses, nnd cnnsidered the French Canadians as the subjects of it, then I heK leave most respect- fully to slate, that lie was not warranted hy facts in saying so, and that it is an additional proof, If any wore wanting:;, that he knew as little of the alTairs of the colony at his departure from thence, as ho admits that he did on his arrival there. If, on the other hand, he used it as a cant term to adorn a rhetorical flourish, we shall accept th<^ expla- nation, and consider it as such, classing it with promises profusely made on his acceptance of olTico which he has not performed, and si- milar ones ostentatiously olfered on his rcsij^'nation which he is equally unable to fulfil. My Lord Brougham has expressed more fully and intelligibly the same opinion in the House of Lords, and has since been at groat pains to republish it, first, in the pamphlet form, to circulate as a cheap commodity; and, ser I'Uy, in a collection of his speeches, to be im- pressed by his friend »,ac schoolmaster, as a specimen of eloquence, on the minds of village Ilampdens. Although this statesman is fol- lowed by few, and attached to none, he is tooelocjuent and too power- ful not to command the attention of all, and presents the singular anomaly of being unable to add weight or influence to any party to which he may lend his support, and yet being the most fearful oppo- nent in the House to those whom it may be his pleasure to attack. With respect to Canada, he was pleased to say, * Another rule pre- ' vails— Refuse all hey ask; turn a deaf ear to every complaint; ' mock them with hopes never to be realized ; insult them with rights * which when they dare to use shall be rudely torn from them ; and * for abiding by the law, in seeking redress of their wrongs, punish * them by the infliction of a dictator and a despotism.' Truisms are seldom repeated; they require but to be enounced, to bo assented to. Paradoxes are more fortunate; they startle and perplex, and he who cannot originate can at least copy. I was, therefore, not surprised at hearing an humble imitation of this diatribe at a meeting of the lower orders of Edinburgh at Carlton Hill. That the audience m.^ht find time to attend, the assembly was held by torchlight, a fitting em- blem for incendiary doctrines. Tories and Whigs were alike repro- bated by an orator, who, when he had exhausted the topics of domestic misrule, deplored in most pathetic terms the lot * of our oppressed and enslaved brethren in Canada.' If this be true of them, it is an appeal to humanity, and when in Britain was that appeal (made in vain? It is, however, the character of humanity to be credulous. The mendicant impostor, aware of the fact, profits by the knowledge of it, and weaves a tale of misfortune or oppression to excite pity and extort money; the political juggler, in like manner, draws upon his 29B THE BUBBLES imagination for facts, and having established a grievance, makes a cendcr of his services as a reformer. As this charge of misgovernmcnt has been often made of late, it is probable it will be repeated, and as it must materially modify the opinion we are to form, both of the revolt, and of the measures to be adopted hereafter in consequence thereof, I shall now proceed to controvert this assertion; but before I enter upon it, permit me to say, that I shall not treat this as a party question. As a colonist, at once a native and a resident of a distant part of the empire, I am not only unconnected with, but perfectly independent of either of the great parties of this country, of Tories or Whigs or Radicals ; nor do I consider this as a subject at all involving the principles for which they severally contend. The question is one wholly between the people of this country and the colonists, and must be considered as such ; and so far from my Lord Durham's assertion being true, that there has been misgovernmcnt, I am prepared to show, that every administration in this country, without exception, from the conquest of Canada to the present time, whether Tory or Whig, or mixed, or by whatever name they may be designated, have been actuated but by one feeling, an earnest desire to cultivate a good understanding with their new subjects of French extraction, and on one principle, a principle of concession. Canada has had more privileges and in- dulgences granted to it than any other of our American colonies: unpopular olTicers have been removed; obnoxious governors have been recalled ; constitutional points abandoned to them ; all reason- able changes made (or, as they would express it, grievances redress- ed) ; and the interests of commerce and of persons of British origin postponed to suit their convenience, or accommodate their prejudices; in short, everything has been done, and everything conceded to con- ciliate them, that ingenuity could devise or unbounded liberality grant, and no sacrifice has been considered too great to purchase their atfections, short of yielding up the colony to their entire con- trol; and for all this forbearance and lilierality they have been met with ingratitude, abuse, and rebellion. For the truth of this asser- tion, I call upon Franco and the United States to bear me testimony. Hear the Duke de la Rochefoucault Liancourt : ml ' No Canadian has jusl grounds of complaint against the British Government; the inhabitants of Canada aclinowledgu unanimuusly that they are better treated than under the ancient French govornnicnl; but they love the French, forget them not, long after them, hope for their arrival, will always love them, and betray these feelings too frequently, and in too frank a manner, not to incur the displea- sure of the English, who, even in Europe, have not made an equal progress with us in discarding the absurd prejudices of one people against another. * They pay no taxes, live well, at an easy rate, and in plenty ; within the compass of their comprehensions they cannot wish for any other good. They are OF CANADA. 299 S makes a of late, it nodify the iures to be •roceed to mit me to I colonist, >ire,;I am her of the 8 ; nor do for which ween the iidered as true, that hat every conquest mixed, or Liated but rstanding jrinciple, s and in> colonies : ors have reason- redress- ih origin ijudices ; to con- iberality )urchase ire con- een met s asser- timony. eminent; if treated 1, forget nd betray displea- progress ithin the They are so little acquainted yiiih the principles of liberty, that it has cost a great deni of trouble to establish juries in their country ; they oppose the introduction of the trial by jury; in civil cases these are not yet in use. But they love France, this beloved country engages still their affections. In their estimation a Frenchman is a being far superior to an Englishman. ' The farmers arc a frugal set of people, but ignorant and lazy. In order to succeed in enlarging and improving agriculture in this province, the Knglish Go- vernment must proceed with great prudence and perseverance ; for in addition to the unhappy prejudices which the inhabitants of Canada entertain in common with the farmers of all other countries, they also foster a strong mistrust against every thing which they receive from the English; and this mistrust is grounded on the idea that the English are their conquerors, and the French their brethren. There are some exceptions from this bad agricultural system, but they are few. The best cultivators are always landholders arrived from England. * Upon the whole, the work of education in Lower Canada is greatly neglected. At Sorel and Three Rivers are a few schools, Itept by the nuns; in other places men or women instruct children. But the number of schools is, upon the whole, so very small, and the mode of instruction so defective, that a Canadian who can read is a sort of phenomenon. From the major part of these schools being go- verned by nuns and other women, the number of the latter who can read is, contrary to the custom of other countries, much greater in Lower Canada than that of men. ' The English Government is charged with designedly keeping the people of Lower Canada in ignorance; but were it sincerely desirous of producing an advan- tageous change in this respect, it would have as great obstacles to surmount on this bead as in regard to agricultural improvements.' Hear also Professor Silliman, a distinguished American scholar : ' It is questionable whether any conquered country was ever better treated by its conquerors than Canada; the people were left in complete possession of their religion, and revenues to support it — of their property, laws, customs, and man- ners; and even the detV.nceof their country is without expense to them; and it is a curious fact, that (unless by the great counterbalancing advantages it produces), so far from being a source of revenue, it is a charge on the treasury of the empire. It would seem as if the trouble and expense of government was taken otf their hands, and as if they were left to enjoy their own domestic comforts without a drawback. Such i$ certaiiily the appearance of the population; and it is doubtful whether our own favour*id communities are politically mor.'i happy; — they are not exposed in a similar manner to poverty and the danger of starvation, which so often invade the English manufacturer, and which, aided by their demagogues, goad them on to every thing but open rebellion. Lower Canada is a fine coun- try, and will hereafter become populous and powerful, especially as the British and Anglo-American population shall flow in more extensively, and impart more vigour and activity to the cominunily. The climate, notwithstanding its severity, is a good one, and very healthy and favourable to the freshness and beauty of the human eonstitution. All the most important comforts of life are easily and abundantly obtained.' This, you will observe, is but the evidence of opinion; produce your facts. Agreed. To the facts then let us pre ceed. 800 THE BUBBLES LETTER in. By the freaty of peace in the year 1703, Canada, the conquest of which had been achieved on the plains of Abraham, by General Wolfe, was ceded, in full sovereignty and right, to his Britannic Majesty by the King of France, and the French inhabitants who chose to re- main in the country became subjects of Great Britain, and were se- cured in the enjoyment of their property and possessions, and the free exercise of their religion. Thus terminated the power of France in that portion of North America ; and hero it may be useful to pause and consider, with this vast addition of territory, how extensive and important are our transatlantic possessions. They may be computed, in round numbers, to comprise upwards of four millions of geographical square miles, extending across the whole Continent, from the Atlantic on the east, to the sliores of the North Pacific Ocean on the west ; on the parallel of the 49" of north latitude their extreme Jireadthis about 3,066 geographical miles, and their greatest depth from the most southern point of Upper Canada in Lake Erie, to Smith's Sound in the Polar regions, rather more than 2,150, thus embracing a large portion of the Arctic Seas, and of the Atlantic and Pacific. The population of this country may be estimated at little short of two millions ; while the export trade to it exceeds that to Russia, Prussia, Denmark, Sweden, Norway, and France collectively, and nearly equals that to the United States, the most commercial country in the world next to Great Britain. These exports have increased 40 per cent, in three years. In carrying on this trade, about seven thousand British vessels are employed; the tonnage of those inwards and outwards being each way nearly 1,000,000 tons annually, either to Great Britain or her other colonies, all of them, be it remembered, navigated by her own seamen, and employing British capital; and seven-eighths of the whole produce so transported being paid for in labour to her own people, and all the profits, agencies, and brokerages of this enormous trade divided among her own subjects. Can the possible loss of such a trade be contemplated, without apprehending consequences serious to the manufacturing interests, and prejudicial to national prosperity ? In four years not less than 300,000/. has been paid by emigrants as passage-money to her ship-owners ; and if out of the niunbcr of 170,000 who emigrated during that period, only 20,000 * had become / See Letter to E, Baines, Esq., MP. OF CANADA. 301 rants cr of como burdensome at home, and had cost their parishes only 41. per head per annum, the expenses to the community (which have been saved) would have been 320,000/. Such are the interests now at stake, and which you are called upon to surrender. My Lord Brougham, the advocate * for the dif- fusion of useful knowledge,' thus sanctions the doctrine that colonies though large are unwieldy, and though possessing intrinsic value, cost more for their support and protection, than counterbalances any advantage to be derived from them. * I have always held (he ob- served on the 2d of February last, when speaking on the Canada question) , the severance of a colony to be a benefit and no loss, provided it can be effected in peace, and leave only feelings of kindness on either side.' At the same time he ' hurled defiance (I use his own words) at the head of the premier ' to point out where he had ever changed his principles. The noble viscount was silent, the challenge was not accepted, and his consistency remained unimpeached. I am more interested in colonial prosperity than either of them, having no desire to be handed over to the tender mercies of republicans, and will take the liberty to refer to that instance that was so triumphantly demanded. I allude to a more deliberate opinion, the result of study and reflection, emanating not from the excitement of debate and the conflict of party spirit, but from the retirement of his closet. On a former occasion he thus expressed himself on this subject :— * Each nation derives greater beneflt from having an increasing market in one of its own provinces, than in a foreign country. ' The colonial trade is always increasing and capable of indefinite augmenta- tion; every operation of colonial tratfic replaces two capitals, the employment and distribution of which puts in molion and supports the labour of the different members of the same slate. * The increasing wealth of Russia, Prussia, or Denmark, can never benefit Great Britain unless by the increasing demand for British produce which it may occasion. It may, and often is, on the contrary, turned against her wealth and power; whilst the riches of colonies have a certain tendency to widen the market for British produce, and can never injure the wealth or power of the mother country. ' The possession of remote territories, is the only thing which can secure to the population of a country those advantages derived from an easy ouUel, or prospect of outlet, to those persons who may be ill provided foral home. * It is absurd to represent the defences and government of colonics as a burden. It is ridiculous for the United Kingdom to complain, that she is at the expense of governing and defending her colonial territories.' Among the benefits to be derived from the * diffusion of useful knowledge,' it is certainly not the least that we are enabled to com- pare the professions of public men with their acts, and the actors with each other. My Lords Brougham and Durham have both travelled the same road— selected similar topics- -supported them by the same arguments — and aimed at one conclusion ; and yet, strange to say, they stand opposed to each other. Coming from a small province, aot THE UUnDLBH and a vory limited sphoro of action, I may bo allowod tho privilogo of a stranger, and be permitted tu express my surprise. I bad read in the speecb toNvhich 1 have referred, of certain eommissionersof in- qm'ry who were placed in an extraordinary situalioii, • where each one generally dillered from bis colleague in the views he took of the argument, and freipiently also from himself; but both agreeing in the conclusions at which they arrived, by the course ef reasoning one way and deciding another.' It is an awkward position for men to ho found in ; but little did I anticipate linding the noble author illustrat- ing, in his own person, the case he has described with such pointed and bitter irony. Uul this is a digression, and I must return to my subject. Whether a country extending over such an immense space, con- taining such a great and growing population, and ulTording such an ex- tensive and proiitable trade, has boon misgoverned, is therefore a question of the first importance. The allirmative of this proposition which the governor-general has advanced, has inspired the rebels with new hopes ; and forms, no doubt, a principal ingredient of that satisfaction which h<; says his administration has given to the inha- bitants of the neighbouring republic. It is a charge, however, in which the honour of the nation is deeply concerned, and should neither be llippantly made nor easily credited. In the month of October following the treaty, Ui8 Majesty pub- hshed his proclamation, under the great seal of Great Itritain, for erecting four new civil go>ornments, to wit, those of Quebec, East Florida, West Florida, and (iranada, in the countries and islands in America, which had been ceded to the Crown by the definitive treaty. In this proclamation the King exhorted his subjects as well of his kingdoms of Great Britain and Ireland, as of his colonies in America, to avail themselves, with all convenient speed, of Ihe great benefits and advantages that would accrue, from the great and valuable acqui- sitions ceded to his Majesty in America, to their commerce, manu- factures, and navigation. As an encourageuKMit to lliem to do so, ho informed ^them that in the commissions ho had given to the civil governors of the said four new provinces, he had given express power and direclions that, so soon as the slate und circumstances of the said colonics would admit Ihereof, they shoidd, with the advice and con- sent of tlie members of his IMajesty's councils in the said provinces, summon and call general assemblies of Ihe people within the said go- vernnientti, in such manner as was used in those colonies and pro- •vinces in'Anierica which were under his Majesty's immediate govern- ment ; and that in the meantime, and until such assemblies could be called, all persons inhabiting, in, or resorting to his Majesty's said colonies, might confide in his Majesty's royal protection for the enjoy" raent of the kmcfit (/ thf hm's of his realm o/Entjland; that for that OP CANADA. 301 ilopo of I'cnd in r8 of in- iro onrh k of l\w. ^ ill the ling one on to 1)0 llustrat- pointod II to my CO, con- ■h an ox- roforo n •position 10 robuls t of that lio inha- ov«M', in 11 noithor isty pub- tain, for 00, East anils in troaty. of his inorica, jonefits aciiui- inanu- so, ho ho civil s power tho said nd con- ovinrcs, said go- iid pro- govorn- could bo y's said lO enjoy" for that |)urpo90 his Majesty had given power, under the groat seal, to tho go- vernorsofhis Majesty's said ncnv C(donies, to oreet and constitute, with tho advice of his Majesty's said councils respectively, courts of judica- ture and public justice, within the said colonies, for the hearing and doterinining all causes, as well criminal as civil, according to law and equity, and as near as may be, agreeably to tho laws of England ; with liberty to all persons who might think themselves aggrieved by tho sentence of such courts, in all civil cases, to appoal, under tho usual limitations and restrictions, to his Majesty in his Privy Council. On the 2 1st day of November 17^)3,* about six weeks after the pub- lication of the aforesaid proclamation, his Majesty issued his commis- sion of :iptain-goneral and governor-in-chief of the province of Quebec, to Major-goneral Murray, which was rocoivod by him, and published in the province in the month of August 1764. This com- mission, and tho insurrection that accompanied it every where, pro- supposed that the laws of England were in force in the province, l)oing full of allusions and references to those laws on a variety of dillerent subjects, and did not contain tho least intimation of a saving of any part of tho laws and customs that prevailed there, in the timo of the French gdvernment. It appears, therefore, upon the whole, from the proclamation and commission, to have been his Majesty's intention, with respect to the said provinco (d' Quebec, to assimilate the laws and government of it to those of the other American colonies and provinces which were under his Majesty's immediate government, and not to continue tho municipal laws and customs by which the conquered people had here- tofore been governed, any farther than as those laws might be ne- cessary to the preservation of their property. And his Majesty's ministers, at the time of passing those instruments, were evidently of opinion that, by tho refusal of General Amherst to grant to tho Canadians the continuance of thoir ancient laws and usages; and by the reference made in the fourth article of the delinitive treaty of peace to the laws of Groat Britain, as tho measure of the indulgence intended to b(^ shown them with respect to the excrciseof their religion, suiliciont notice had been given to tho conquered inhabitants of Ithal |)rovinco, that it was his Majesty's pleasure that they should be go- verned for the future according to tho laws of England. It is evident also, that the inhabitants, after being thus ap|)rised of bis Majesty's in- tention, had consented to be so governed, and had testilied their said consent, by continuing to reside in the country, and taking the oath of allegiance to his Majesty, when they might have withdrawn them- selves from the provinco, with all their etlects, and the produce of tho sale * S«« Smitli's Iliatory;o(' Canuda. 304 THE BUBBLES of their estates, ^Tithin the eighteen months allowed by his Majesty in the treaty of -peace, for that purpose. In consequence of this introduction of the laws of England into the province, by the aforesaid proclamation and commission, Governor Murray and his Council, in the great ordinance dated on the 17th day of September 1764 (passed at the commencement of the civil government of the province, for the establishment of courts of justice in it), directed the chief justice of the province {who was to hold the superior court or Court of King's Bench, established by that ordi- nance), to determine all criminal and civil causes agreeable to the lawsofEnglandj and the ordinances of the province ; and the judges of the inferior court, established by the said ordinance (which was called the Court of Common Pleas), to determine the matters before them agreeably to equity, having regard, nevertheless to the laws of England, as far as the circumstances and situation of things would permit, until such time as proper ordinances for the information of the people could be established by the governor and council, agree- able to the laws of England ; with this just and prudent proviso, *that the French laws and customs should be allowed and admitted in all causes in the said court between the natives of the said province, in which the eause of action arose, before the 1st day of October 1764.' In consequence of these instruments of government, the laws of England were generally introduced into it, and consequently became the rule and measure of all contracts and other civil engagements entered into by the inhabitants after the introduction of them, that is, after the estabUshment of the civil government of the province, or after the said 1st day of October 1764. At this time the population of Canada amounted to 65,000 souls, and was confined to the banks of the St. Lawrence and its tributary streams. As the people had now become British subjects, it was deemed expedient to introduce, as soon as possible, emigrants of English extraction, as well for the purpose of creating a defensive power within the province, as to induce the French to acquire the language, and adopt the habits of their conquerors. The officers and soldiers of the army that had served in America were rewarded with grants of la«id in the country which they had conquered, and liberal offers were made to people in the other provinces, and to emi- grants from Europe to remove thither. The facilities of internal nauspurt, the fertility of the soil, and salubrity of the climate, ope- rated so powerfully, that in a short time the influx of strangers was so great as to induce the hope that it would speedily rival the New England states in population and wealth ; and no doubt can now be entertained that il the terms of the proclamation had been honestly adhered to, these expectations would have been fully realised. As a 1 into the [lovernor the 17th the civil of justice I hold the liat ordi- ile to the lie judges hich was srs before e laws of gs would mation of 1, agree- iso, 'tliat ttcd in all )vince, in )er 1764.' 16 laws of y became agements lem, that >vince, or 00 souls, tributary 3, it was grants of defensive quire the officers rewarded red, and d toemi- internal ate, ope- gers was the New 1 now be honestly d. Asa OF CANADA. 30& matter of policy nothing could have been more wise, than since it had now become a British colony, to endeavour, as soon as possible, to make it so in fact as well as in name. The introduction of Eng- lish laws had a natural tendency to disseminate the language, by rendering the study of it necessary to the Canadian French, and a constant intercourse with the emigrants could not fail, by rendering their customs familiar, to have gradually led to their adoption. This change, though great in the first instance, and no doubt repugnant to their feelings, would have gradually recommended itself to the French, and by the time a new generation had sprung up, all incon- venience would have ceased to be felt any longer. The first fatal error that was committed was ordering a code of laws to be prepared for the province, with such modifications as would secure to the French the system of tenure and inheritance, to which they had been accustomed. This occasioned much delay, and enabled their leaders to represent that any change would alienate the aifections of the in- habitants, who would naturally extend to the government the dislike that they felt to their institutions. Unfortunately, while this was under consideration, the time had arrived when they could enforce their demands with a threat, and the rebellion which shortly after- wards broke out in theEnglish colonies (now constituting the United States), made their conciliation become a matter of state pohcy. It was therefore determined at once to restore the French laws as they existed at the conquest, and the celebrated Quebec Act, 14 Geo. 3, c. 83, was passed for that purpose. This statute enacted, * that his Majesty's subjects professing the religion of the Church of Rome, in the said province of Quebec, may have, hold and enjoy, the free exercise of their religion, subject to the King's supremacy, and that the clergy of the said church may hold, receive, and enjoy their accustomed dues and rights, with respect to such persons only as shall profess the said religion ; and that it shall be lawful for his Ma- jesty, his heirs or successors, to make such provision for the support of the Protestant clergy within the said province, as he or they shall from time to time think necessary and expedient.' Bui hyfar the most important clause was tluit which, after reciting that theEnglish laws which had prevailed therefor ten years, administered and re- gulated under commissions to governors, hadbeenfoundinapplicable to tlie state and circumstances oftlie country, enacted that from and after tJie \st of May, 1775, tlie said English laws and practice of courts should he annulled. It is true that tiie criminal law of England was excepted, and that the system of torture which had been in previous existence was abolished forever. During the time they were under French domination a person suspected of crime was seized, thrown into prison, and interrogated, without knowing the charge brought against him, and without being confronted with his accuser. He 20 9oe THE BUBBLES was deprived of the assistance either of his friends, relations, or counsel. He was sworn to tell the truth, or rather to accuse him- self, without any value being attached to his testimony. Questions were then artfully put, which are described as more difficult for innocence to unravel than vice to deny. The prisoner was never confronted with the person who had deposed against him, except at the moment before judgment was pronounced, or when the torture was applied, or at his execution, which jugdment in capital cases was invariably followed by confiscation of property. This act also constituted a council with the power to make ordinances, conjointly with the governor, but not to impose taxes except for making roads. The ordinances were to be laid before his Majesty for allowance, and those touching religion not to bo in force until formally approved of by tho King. This flagrant violation of the promises held out in the proclama- tion, and of tho terms upon which the jpeople of British origin had settled in the provinces, filled them with dismay. They felt that they had the wretched choice presented to them of abandoning their property and removing from the colony, or of remaining a miserable minority, to be ruled and governed by foreigners, whose favour could only be conciliated by their forgetling their country, their language, and religion, as soon as possible, and becoming Frenchmen. They accordingly lost no time in forwarding petitions, in which they were joined by the merchants of London, interested in the North Ame- rican trade, to tho king and tho two houses of parliament, expressive of their sense of the injury they had sustained, and of the misery likely to be entailed iiy this act upon the province, but no repeal wasellbctcd, and the act remained as it was passed. Importunity otrcn prevails against conviction, and the most noisy applicant is generally the first relieved, not because he is the most deserving, but because he is the most troublesome. The French Canadians a|)pear to havi^ been fully aware of this fact, and to have acted upon it; and tho English finding their opponents first in the field, have been put on tlie defensive, and instead of seeking what was due to themselves, have been compelled to expostulate that too great a share has been given to their rivals. The advantage gained by this position, tho former have constantly maintained ; and, it is a singular fact, that while the latter are the only axjcfneocd party\ in lite country y the former have forestalled the attention of the pubhc, and engrossed the whole of its sympathy. Every page of this work will confirm and illustrate this extraordinary fact. The Quebec Act was obnoxious, not merely to the British party in Canada, but to the inhabitants of those colonies whose gallantry so materially contributed to its conquest. It has been the singular fate of this unfortunate bill to have excited two rebellions. It caused the cup of American \t- OV CANADA. grievance, which wag already flUed to the brim, to overflow into re- volt, and has subsequently given rise to a train of events that have induced the very men that it was designed to conciliate, to follow the fatal example that had been set to them by their republican neigh- bours. LETTER IV. neil by it is a irty\ in )ublic, s work )ec Act to the ibutcd ate bill erican As soon as the struggle had ended in the old colonies, by their successful assertion of independence, a vast emigration of the loyalists took place into Canada, comprising a great number of persons of character and property ; and these people, who had been accustomed to the exercise of the electoral privilege, united with those of their countrymen who had previously settled there in demanding a modi- fication of the Quebec Act, and the establishment of a local legisla- ture. The petitions of these people gave rise to the Act of the Slst Geo. 3, c. 31, commonly called the Constitutional Act, to which and to the Quebec Act, of the I4th of the same reign, c. 83, alluded to in my former letter, is to be attributed all the trouble experienced in governing Canada. In the fatal concessions to the Canadians con- tained in these Acts, is to be found the origin of that anti-British feeling which, engendered by the powers conferred by those Acts, has increased with every exercise of those powers, until it has as- sumed the shape of concentrated hatred and open rebellion. By this Act Canada was divided into two provinces, respectively called Upper and Lower Canada. The latter, to which all my remarks will here- after be confined, lies between the parallels of the 45° and 52* of North latitude, and the meridian of 57° 50' and 80° 6' West longitude from Greenwich. It is bounded on the north by the territory of the Hudson's Bay Company, on the east by the Gulph of St. Lawrence, on the south by New Brunswick and part of the United States, and on the west by a line that separates it from Upper Canada, and con- tains more than 250,000 square miles. To this country this celebrated Act gave a constitution, consisting of a Governor and Executive Council of eleven members, appointed by the Crown ; a Legislative Council, forming the second estate, ap- pointed in like manner by the Crown, consisting of fifteen members (but subsequently, as we shall see, increased to forty) ; and a Repre- sentative Assembly, or House of Commons, composed of fifty mem- bers (afterwards increased to eighty-eight), each having powers as nearly analogous to those of King, Lords, and Commons, as the varied circumstances of the two countries and the dependence of the colony would admit. ■^f'fM^i" 308 THE BUBBLES I ill '. )■ ' |- 111 t! i: liil Tho enacting power they bestowed upon the colony, introduced from year to year another set of statutes, in addition to what they were subject to already, so that they now have a union of French, English, and provincial law. Such a confusion, you may easily imagine, im- posed great difliculties, as well upon those who had to administer, as those who were bound to obey tliose laws; but of the extent of those difllculties, of tho impediments they ollered to the transfer of real estate, of the frauds to which they gave rise, and the obstacles they presented to tho settlement and prosperity of tho country, it is im- possible for an EngUsiiman to form any idea without first inquiring into the structure of this singular code. Tho subject, however, is too important to be disposed of in this cursory manner, and I shall, therefore, even at the hazard of being thought tedious, endeavour to give you some general account of the situation of the country in this particular. I am the more induced to do so, because, independent of the explanation which it will give of much that I have to say to you, it appears to be indispensible to the full understanding of tho Tenures' Act, which is now one of the great complaints of the dis- atfected. There exists in Lower Canada no regular code in which the laws of the land are systematically incorporated, nor would it indeed be a task of ordinary difficulty to collect and condense them, so diverse are their elements, and so complex their character.* The jurispru- dence of the country may be said to embrace the French, theEngUsh, and the Roman or civil laws, and these are all so blended in practice, that it is often doubtful whence the rule of decision will be drawn, although the line of distinction is better defined in theory. The sta- tute law of the province may be stated under five heads : — Ist, The articles of capitulation, that form part of the guaranteed rights of the inhabitants; 2d, The -Slst Geo. III. cap. 31, or the constitutional act, and all other British statutes expressly extending to the colonies; 3d, The edicts, declarations, and ordinances of the Kings of France oflicially registered in the province; 4th, The ordinances of the go- vernor and council anterior to 1792; and 5lh, The acts of the pro- vincial legislature subsequent to 1792. The common law is the cus- tom of Paris as modified by the customs of the country, and this law was co-extensive with the whole province until the passing of the Ca- nada tenures' bill in 1825, which restricted the application of the French law to tho feudal section of the colony, and introduced bodily the English laws to the remainder ol' the province. The criminal law of the province is the English code as it stood in 1774, and the statutes of a declaratory or modifying nature that have since passed the local legislature. See Bouchette. OP CANADA. 800 ced from ley were English, gine, im- nister, as t of those cr of real icles thoy it is im- inqniring wover, is d I shall, leavour to try in this dependent to say to ing of the of the dis- h the laws ndeed be a so diverse jurispru- e English, practice, be drawn, The sta- Ist, The hts of the stitutional colonies ; of France of the go- f the pro- s the cus- this law oftheCa- n of the ed bodily criminal , and the ce passed I When the country was first settled by the French, the feudal te- nure was in full vigour on the rontinont of Europe, and naturally transplanted by tho colonizers to tho now world. The King of Franc(\ as feudal lord, granted to nobles and respectable families, or to olllcers of the army, large tracts of land, termed seigniories, tho proprietors of which were termed sttigniors; and held immedi- ately from tho King en ^ffrf, or en roturr, on condition of rendering fealty and homage on accession to seigniorial property; and in the event of a transfer, by sole, or gift, or otherwise (except in hereditary succession), the seigniory was subject to the payment of a quintf or fifth part of tho whole purchase-money ; and which, if paid by tho purchaser immediately, entitled him to the ralat, or a reduction of two-thirds of the (/nint. Tho custom still prevails, the King of Great Britain having succeeded to th«* claims of the King of France.* The position and extent ol ihesc seigniorial grants are :— Territorial Division. . zi il 79 63 25 1 168 Extent of Seigniorial Grant*. Almoit unfit for cultivation in Arpents. Acres. tbe Seifrnio- rie« and Viefi. Quebec, including Anticosti and other Isles 5,639,319 3,269 ,966 1,220,308 1,547,086 5,656,699 2,786,011 1,039,707 1,318,117 2,600,000 500,000 400,000 600,000 niontreal and Islands Three Rivers and St. Francis, Sec. . GaspS and Isles 12,676,679 10,800,534 4,100,000 Estimating the number of acres of land in Lower Canada under cultivation, at 4,000,000, it will be perceived what a large portion of territory is embraced under tho seigniories. Qithitit is a tilth-part of the purchase-money of an estate held en fief which must bo paid by the purchaser to the feudal lord, that is, to the King. If the feudal lord believes thej^ reign origin, and excluded accordingly. The major .ty, however, though pertinacious, still preserved appearances, and as the minority felt themselves unequal to procure the passage of any bill, either of internal improvement or for the facilitating the foreign trade, they forbore to provoke the discussion, and preferred using their influence to the mere preservation of what few privileges were left to them. The third provincial parliament began on the 1st of January 1801, and terminated, after five sessions, on the 2d of May 1804. The temper of th^house, and the proportion of its parties, were similar to that of the last. Among the topics insisted upon in tlic governor's speech, was a recommendation for a grant of money for free schools for the instruc- tion of the rising generation in the first rudiments of useful learning, and in tlie English tongue: and it was noticed with feelings of grief, though not with surprise, that the house, in their reply, omitted the words 'English tongue,' and shortly afterwards applied the com- mentary by a vote for the purchase of 'French books,' for the use of tUo members. Although there were not a few of their number who were unfortunately incapable, from a deficiency of education, of using them, yet it was evident that there existed as little inclination to adopt the language, as there was to introduce the laws of Great Britain. In accordance with this spirit of preference for French laws, an act was passed to revive the serment d^cisoire, oroat!<, by which, under certain circumstances, a debtor may be permitted to clear himself of a commercial debt, by simply swearing to its having been paid and satisfied, without even stating the time or place of payment; an act which has been described as a most prolific source of fraud and per- 380 THE BUBBLES Et jury, and deeply Injufioiis to the mercantile interests of the country, as well as to the character of the people. Such, indeed, was the jea- lousy of the majority of the Enf:5lisii, that they were not inclined to pass even those laws, which had an exclusive application to them and their tenures. Thus a bill was introduced for registering deeds of lands in free and common soccagc, which only aiTected the English, but it met with the customary fate of all such attempts. The leaders began now to aflect to perceive a latent danger in every act of the government, and a bill requiring rectors, curates, and priests to read certain laws after divine service, was denounced as opening a door for exercising an influence over the clergy; and an efl'ort was made to introduce in their stead the captains of militia, which was only relinquished to avoid the awkward admission that too many of those olficcrs were deficient in the necessary qualification to perform the duty. The great increase of the trade of the province at this time, in consequence of the war, so far from exciting the emulation of the French, and stimulating them to participate in its advantages, awakened their jealousy, and they stigmatised it as the parent of crime, the source of undue distinctions, and the means of filling the country with persons of foreign origin. They not only de- clined in any way to aid its extension, but imposed taxes upon it for all those objects that elsewhere in America are provided for by local assessment. Such conduct could not fail to retard the improvement of the country, by preventing the investment of capital, and discou- raging enterprise ; and that it had this eflect is cviden^rom the slow growth of Lower Canada, when compared with that orthe adjoining colony, where a dilTerent system prevailed. The fourth house of Assembly met on the 11th January 1805, and terminated, after four sessions, on the 14th April 1808. The pressure of the feudal tenure becoming daily more and more severely felt by the inhabitants of the cities, two unsuccessful attempts were now made to obtain some mitigation of it. The first was a bill to abolish the retrait lignager, or right of redemption by the relations of seigniorial lands. Any relation, it was stated, of the seller, if of the same line, from whence the property descended, may, within a year and a day, by this law, take it from the purchaser of the property, on condition of returning tlic price. A person, therefore, buying a lot of land for one hundred ])ounds, and expending upon it one thousand in buildings, may be deprived of the whole, by a relation of the seller* refunding the original purchase-money, buildings not being considered necessary expenses. The second was *a bill to enable the seigneurs to compound for their feudalrif^hlsand dues with their vassals and censitaires.' This i Sec ' Political Annals ;' also Canadian Magnzine. OF CANADA. 881 country, IS thejea- nclined to them and 1 deeds of 9 English, !r in every rates, and lounced as y; and an of miUtia, on that too jalification province xiting the ipate in its id it as the B means of )t only de- upon it for or by local provement nd discou- n the slow I adjoining house of after four 1 and more il attempts was a bill e relations seller, if of within a property, ■e, buying )on it one a relation Idings not pound for .' This was particularly intended as a relief aj^ainst Iho discouraging effects of lods and vents, by which the twelfth part of the laliours and ex- pense of erecting buildings (however expensive) on ground, subject to the imposition, is for the benefit of the seigneur. These bills, how- ever, like all that had preceded them, for similar luirposes, did not receive a second reading, nor was any remedy a|)i>li(Ml until the Im- perial Parliamentinterfcred nearly twenty years afterwards. To show, however, the nature of the change which these leaders were disposed to patronise, they voted 750/. for translating Hatsell's Parliament- ary Proceedings into French, and to rebut the charge of their aversion to internal improvement, and to shew they were not inattentive to the agricultural prosperity of the province, they passed a bill enjoining the application of tar to apple trees for the destruction of caterpil- lars. From a body thus constituted little good could be expected. The merchants and other British subjects resident in Canada, finding all attempts in the legislature useless, appealed, through the medium of the press, to the sympathies of the English public. They con- tended that if the support of the civil government were not to rest on direct taxes, it should at least be secured by permanentacts of indirect taxation — that local establishments, such as court-houses, gaols, and houses of correction, should be defrayed by assessments on the districts for whose benefit they were required, and that recourse should be had to indirect taxes of temporary duration, only for the general im- provement of the country in its internal communications with the ad- joining states and colonics, or its agriculture and commerce. This was denounced by the demagogues of the day as an attack upon the liberties of the subject; and certain toasts at a public din- ner, approving of those commercial and financial views of the mino- rity, were voted to be an insult to the majesty of the house, and warrants were issued against the printers, who were taken into custody, and compelled to apologise for their conduct.* It is worthy of remark, that at this the first attempt was made to procure a draw- * That ' Gtir oppressed nnd enslaved brethren in Canada' knew how to vindicate tlieinselves, and eiitertainefl just notions on the subject of tiie liberty of the press, ivill appear from a periisul of the tunsta that called down the indignation of the house, and (oc- casioned tlie issuinfr of warrants to apprehend the president of the social meetings that sanctioned, and tlit^ printers thatd.ired to disseminate such wicked doctrines. 1. The linnourable members of the legislative council, who were friendly to constitutional taxation as proposed by our worthy members in the house of Assembly. 2. Our representatives in provincial parliament, who proposed a constitutional and pro- per mode of taxation, for building gaols, and who opposed a tax on comn^i^rce for that purpose, as contrary to the sound practice of the parent state. 3. May our representiiti\e8 be actuiited by a jiatriotic spirit for the good of the province, as denendantou the Ikitish inipire, and divested of local i)rejudices. 4. Prosperity to the agriculture and commerce of Canada, and may they aid each other as their true interests dictate, by sharing a due proportion of advantages and burthens. 5. The city and county of !\Iontreal, and the 1,'raiid Juries of the district, who recom- mended local assessment for local purposes. G. May the city of Montreal be enabled to support a newspaper, though di prived of its natural and useful ailvanfages. apparently for the beuphtof an individual. 7. May tiie coniniercial inteit-Mts of this \v:v\\\ r '; ,i, its ^\\w iiill'ifiu'c on tlie ndiniuis- li.itioii cf !*s !'()\ i;:,:i:( -it. •21 'W' ^v S8< Tiie BiJnHrF.s hark ofdiiiios en articles that >verc exported after having lirsl paid a duty; bnt| as usual, it failed in a body >vliose ^vhole Hjiirit was anti- coiniuercial. Thet^o instances are adduced, not for their intrinsic im- portance, but as illustrative of the question proposed by nio for your consideration in my first letter, whether disalVection has not given rise to grievances rather than grievances to disail'ection. Having now tasted the sweets of power in the punishment of the printers, the house com- menced a system of high-handed measures with any ju^rson who ob- structed their views ; and followed it up by lemoving from tin; house all persons attached to the executive, and impeaching others holding high ollicial stations, in the hope that, by representing the adherents of go- vernment, as enemies to the country, the alVcctions of the people would begradv illy alienated from their rulers, and ultimately prepare them to join in those measures of forcible resistance, which now, for theiirst time, appear to have been comtemplated. The first experiment was made by the expulsion from the house, contrary to the constitutional act, of Ezckiel Hart, on account of his professing the Jewish religion. This measure naturally alarmed the British inhabitants, and gave them a melancholy foreboding of the events thot were in reserve for them. The violent language of debate, the constant appeal to poi)ular pre- judice, the undisguised anti-English feeling of the legislative de- magogues, and the seditious and revolutionary language of the 'Ca- nadian' newspaper, devoted to their interests, left no room to hope that the constitution could long work, in such unskilful and unprin- cipled hands. The fifth provincial parliament was opened by Sir James Craig on the lOtli of April, 1809, when their attention was called to the unsettled state of alTairs with the Americans, and they were required to consider of such means as might be necessary to place the province in a posture of defence. Instead of proceeding, according to the urgency of the case, to deliberate on this pressing emergency, they commenced by an attack on the judges, and devising the means of removing them from the legislature ; and manifested so much heat in their proceedings, and such a disrespectful inatten- tion to the subject submitted to them, that, after five weeks wasted in angry discussions, the governor was under the necessity of expressing his displeasure by a dissolution. On meeting the sixth parliament, which assembled on the 29th of January, 1810, he informed them that he was instructed to assent to any bill for rendering the judges, in future, ineligible to seats in the house of assembly, in which the two houses should concur. This house, though a little moderated in tone by the firmness exhibited in dissolving them, were not to be diverted from its schemes of ambition ; and now, for the first time, was develop- ed that deep-laid plan, which has since so signally succeeded, of placing every officer of the government at the mercy of the popular branch, and rendering the arm of the executive perfectly powerless. f> OK CANADA. 3i:l I Ml pnid a t w.is anli Irjnsjc iiii- for your ipivcii riso now taslod i)uso com- 1 who ob- it house all Iding high ints of go- |)lo would )aru thom >r the first rncnt was ititutioiial religion. ave tlicni or tlicm. liar j)ro- tive do- ho «Ca- to hope unprin- J by Sir Ion was nd they issary to :!eeding, )rcssing levising nifested natten- isted in ressing ament, !m that ges, in he two in tone iverted svelop- ed, of opular 3rless. (Ml the loth of February lliey resolved, uiost unexpectedly, Mhal this house will vote in this session the necessary sums for defraying the civil expenses of tlu! government of this province.' Animated by the prosperous stale of Iho revenue, in conseipienco of the American em- bargo, the opportunity was considered a favourable one, ))y assuming the civil list, lo get a controul over the ollicers of government, vho, fmwf servants of the itmperiul hUUv as ivcllas the colony^ would, by this measure, bo at the mercy of the house, which would thus become alike independent of foreign or domestic controul. As long as the expenditure of the civil establisliment exceeded the revenue, derived from taxes on commerce, their liberality was content to permit the deficiency to bo supplied by parliament; but now that the treasury was more than adequate to the task, they thought that a voluntary olTer of this kind would throw the government ofT'of its guard, and bo probably accepted. The governor at once penetrated their de- signs, and very prudently and properly answered, that it would bu necessary to have the concurrence of the legislative council, 'in a matter in which, not merely as a co-ordinate branch of the legisla- ture, but as composed of individuals having a large stake in the coun- try it was interested ;' but that he would transmit to his Majesty their address as a proof of their willingness to provide for the civil expendi- ture when called upon so to do. In this year (1810) the treasury receipts were, Z70,398 13 7 And the expenditure 58,564 14 3 ^ Leaving a clear surplus revenue of 11,833 19 4 A bill disqualifying the judges was passed, and sent to the legisla- tive council, who agreed to it, with a clause suspending its tperation to the end of the present house of assembly. Anxious to shew their contempt of the legislative council, and forgetful, as well of the re- spect due to the representative of the King, as of constitutional rights, they immediately expelled the judges by resolution, as they had previously done Mr. Hart, leaving the governor in the dilemma of sanctioning the act by issuing new writs for elections, or of disso' , ing the house. It is needless to say that he adopted the latter cours.,, and appealed again to the sense of the public. But here, unhappily, there was no public opinion to appeal to, which, in the words of a very able provincial writer, * is explained : — * by the peculiar habits of thought and character, which distinguish the French Canadians. These habits and character, originally formed by the despotic govern- ment, civil, military, and ecclesiastical, of Louis the Fourteenth of France, induced the French Canadian population chiefly lo regard the immediate agents of authority, who came in daily or frequent * Mr. Fleniming. UA THE ill'ill-.LLS contact Willi thorn, by oral command or cominiiiiicalion. I'Uus, long aft<;r the conquest, tlio lowest agent of nutliority had only to present himself, in the name of the King, to lie instantly obeyed. It was not a king, a governor, a general, a judge, or a bishop, with whom tlw^y had personal communication; these awful authorities they surveyed at a distance, with due reverence; but lh«'ir inmie- diate obedience was considered as duo to a seigneur, a just ice of peace, an officer of militia, a bniUtT, and a curd, or priest. When the British Parliament, therefore, established a house of assembly, the members of that newly constituted authority, though chosen by them« selves, wore admitted to a great share of the habitual submission which their constituents were accustomed to pay to every agent of authority, who camo into immediate contact with them. By the new constitution, the inhabitants, in fact, supposed that threil iiilo my mind, nor the slightest mention having ever been made of it; but it is doiihly wickt'd .ind atrocious, because it has been advanced by persons who mnst have been siip|iiist*il to speak wilh certainty on the subject, and was therefore the more calcu- lated 1 1 iiiiposH upon you. In another part you are told that 1 wanted to tax your lands, ami thnt tile late house of assembly would consent only to tax wine, and upon that nccnnnt, I had (lisKdhi'd tlie house. Inhabitants of St. Denis! this is also directly false; I never had the^iuist distant idea of taxing you at all ; such had never been for a moment the sub- ject of my deiilieratiuns, and when the late house oftiered to pay the civil list, 1 coul,d not have iMkc'ii any step in a matter of such importance without the King's instriirtious, and therefore it was still long before we came to tiie consideration of how it was to be paid In truth, not one word was ever, to my knowledge, mentioned on tiie subject. ' In other parts, despairing; of producing instances from what 1 have done, recourse is had to what I intend to do, and it is baldly told you that I mean to oppress you. ' For wiiat purpose should 1 oppress you ? Is it to serve the King: Will that monarch , \yh(t during fifty years has never issued one order, that had you for its object, that was not for your benefit and happine.ss — will he now, beloved, honoured, adored by his subjects, cohered with glory, descending into the vale of years, accompanied with the prayers and blessings of a grateful people, — will lie contrary to the tenor of a whole life of honour ami virtue, now give orders to Ills servants to oppre.ss his Canadian subjects? It is impossible that you can for a moment believe it. Y'ou will spurn from you with just indignation the miscreant who will suggest such a thought to you. ' Tlitse personal allusions to myself, these details, in any other case, might be unbecom- ing, or beneath nie ; but nothing can be unbecoming or beuc-ath me that can tend to save you from the gnlf of ninie and calamity into which guilty men would plunge you'. — See C/tristie's ' Canada.' t Nothing can be more painful and humiliating than the situation of the judges of Lower Canada since this period. They have been kejit in a state of great pecuniary distress by the lionso withholding their salaries, and their peace of mind destroyed by the most un- founded uUucks on their character, If an attorney be detected in fraudulent proceedings, Il I S26 THE BUBBLES Ihe desired effect, and they now passed a bill to disqualify them, to which the governor assented, as ho said, 'with peculiar satisfaction, not only because I think the matter right in itself, but because! con- sider passing an act for the purpose as a complete renunciation of an erroneous principle, which put me under the necessity of dissolving the Jastparliament'. Feelingthatnothingwastobegainedfromsuchaman by intimidation, they proceeded to the usual business with more de- cency of conduct and more dispatch, than had characterised any session since the constitutional act had gone into operation. In the mean time, Sir George Provost arrived to take the command of the government, and we are indebted to the determined attitude assumed by his prede- cessor, to the hereditary hatred borne fay the Canadians to the Ameri- cans, to the fear they entertained of passing into the hands of an uncompromising people, and to the large sum expended upon the em- bodied militia, that they did not then avail themselves of the oppor- tunity of throwing olT the dependence, which it has since been their unceasing object to efTect. But though their attention was in some measure directed to the protection of their property from the common enemy, they did hot fail to convince impartial men, by their conduct, that they were preserving the country for themselves, and not for the empire, of which they then formed a part, by the fortune of war and not from choice. To bring the government of the country into con- tempt, it was necessary to impugn the integrity of the bench and thQ impartial administratiori of the law, and they therefore impeached the judges ; and when the governor, whose liberal patronage had hitherto shielded him from attack, declined to suspend these functionaries till the result of their complaint should be known, and refused to mako their punishment precede their trial, they resolved 'that his excel- lency the governor-in-chicf, by his answer to the address of the house, had violated the constitutional rights and privileges thereof.' Sufficient has now been said to show you that the evils of Canada have their origin in the defects of the constitutional act, which by substituting French for English laws, by securing to them an over- whelming majority in the assembly, and in separating them from Upper Canada, have had the effect of making them a French and not an English colony. National antipathies, added to a difference in r'?ligion, laws, and language, have contributed to engender and foster a feeling of hostility between the two races, until it has found 1 1> 'an(i punished, or he rlisaatisfied wi;h a judgment of the court, the jiid^e is at o;ice ini- pv'ached aini''st the plaudits of tlie house. After piehminary proceedinfjs, and an oppor tiitiity olVt' if abuse, the pioceedings are generally dropt, or. the ground thi.t government is (Mitial anit corrupt. Hy a singular fatality, every man that arc ust-s a judge finds it ,i .itep to prefiTuient. Judge V'alliere'? w,i.s the accuser of Judge Kerr, on charges sixteen years old. Philip ['••(rret, a psrfy aad witoess thereto, was in-«de 3 judge in 1SU2. Khe • nezer [Vck. 'vhohronght chariics agr.iu.st Jiid;;e Fletclicr. wa-? presented with a silk guwij yu IHS'J, And A. Quesnel, the yamc. See ' C'i>u-aa (^ucslioufor inon, particulars y them, to atisl'action, ausel con- iation of an jsolvingthe such a man b more de- any session meantime, overnment, ^ his prcde- the Ameri- ands of an pon the em- the oppor- ) been their vas in some he common eir conduct, 1 not Tor tho I of war and ry into con- ich and thQ peached the tiad hitherto tionaries tili sed to make his excel- ress of the ;es thereof.' s of Canada which by ;m an over- them from French and a difference igender and it has found is at once inl- and an oppor li'.t government judge tinds it. >t ;liaiRes sixteei; in IH;{2. Kl)e • ith a silii giJWtJ iciihirs OF CANADA. 2it ■| vent in open coUision. It would exceed the limits I have assigue.i to myself to review the proceedings of each separate house : suffice it to say, that the system of persecution, the commencement of which I have exhibited in the foregoing pages, was subsequently pursued wiUi unremitting zeal. Having driven the judges from the house (though they failed in their impeachment*), they succeeded in ex- torting from government their discharge from the council. They then vacated the seats of executive councillors by the unconstitutional mode of resolution, and finding there was no means of controlling their power, proceeded by repeated expulsions to drive out a member, for advice offered to the governor in a ministerial capacity ; and repri- manded another officer for legal opinions given to the executive in the usual course of his profession. Every thing was done that inge- nuity could devise, not only to weaken the influence of government, but to represent that influence as unfriendly to the country and pre- judicial to its interests. Nothing, however, occurred until the year 1818, to bring them into direct collision with the mother country, until Sir John Sherbrooke demanded that they should provide for the civil expenses of the province, * ' The admini8trator-in-chief has received the coniinands of his Royal Hic^hness the Prince Regunt, to make known to the house of assembly of this province his pleasure, o«i the subject of certain charges preferred by that house against the chief justice of the pro- vince, and the chief j-jstice of tiie Court of King's Bench for the district of Montreal. ' With resjiect to such of those charges as relate to acts done by a former governor of the province, which the assembly, assumin|; to be improper or illegal, imputed, by a similar assumption, to advice given by the chief justice to that governor, his Royal Highness has deemed that no inquiry could be necessary, inasmuch as none could be instituted without the admission of the principle, that the governor of a province might, at his own discretion, divest himself of all responsibility, on points of political government. ' VVith a view, therefore, to the jjenerai interests of the province, his Royal Highness was pleased to refer for consideration to the lords of the privy council such only of the charges brought by the assembly as related to the rules of practice established by the judges in their respective, courts, those being points upon which, if any impropritty had existed, the judges themselves were solely responsible. ' l]y the annexed copy of his Royal Mighness's Order in Council, date>l the 29th June IK15. the administrator-in-chief conveys to the assenibly the result of this investigation, which has been conducted with ail that attention and solemnity which the importance of the subject required. ' In making this communication to the assenibly, it now becomes the duly of the ad- ministrator- iu'chief, in obedience to the commands of his royal highness tiie Prince Regent, to express the regret with which his royal highness has viewed their late proceedings iii'ninsttwo persons who have so long and so ably filled the highest judicial ottices in the colony, a circumstance the more to be deplored as tending to disparage, in the eyes of the iiicunsiderate and ignornnt. tlieir character and services, and thus to diminish the influence <>> which, from their situation and their uniform propriety of conduct, they are justly en- Jitled. * The above commnnication. embracing such only of the charges preferred against tlie «!(id chief justices as relate to the rides of practice, and as are grounded on advice as- sumed to have been given by the chief justice of the province to the late Sir .lames Craig, tiie administrator- in- chief, has been further commanded to signify to the assembly, tliat ilie other charges appeared to his Majesty's government to be, with one exception, too Miconsiderabie to ie«jiiiie investigation, and that (/int (namely the one against the criief justice of the court ol King's Bench for the district of ?lontreai, wiiich states him to have refused a writ y an annual vot<'. The existence of this statute was an in- OF CANADA ',m) surniountablu dilTiculty, and as they had not the power to repeal it, their only resource was to impugn its legality. The appropriation of the duties was thus provided for in the Act : — ' That alt tlic monies Ihu' shall arise byllie said (liiMe<<, cicopl (lie i\ci-cs$nry charges or raising, collecting, levying, recovering, answering, paying and ac- counting for the same, shall be paid by Ihc collector ol' his Majesty's customs into the hands of his Majesty's receiver-gencrnl in the said province for the time being, and shall be applied In the first place in making a more certain and ade- quate provision towards defraying the expenses of the administration of justice, and of the support of civil government in that province ; and that the *ord high treasurer, or commissioners of his Majesty's treasury, or any three or more of Ihem for the time being, shall be, .and is or are hereby empowered from time to time, by any warrant or warrants under his t)r their hand or hands, to cause such money to be applied out cf the said produce of the said duties towards defraying the said expenses; acd that the residue of the said duties shall remain and be reserved in the hands of the said receiver- general for the future disposition of parliament.' The statute on which they relied was the 18th Geo. III. The history of that act of parliament you will doubtless recoUwt. Great Britain hnd set up a claim to impose taxes, for the purpose of general re- venue, upon liie colonies (now forming the United States), which, as might naturally be supposed, excited universal opposition — caus- ing at first, po|)nlar tumult, and afterwards open rebellion. Finding that this claim could neither be justified nor enforced, it was ex- pressly renounced, in the following words : — ' U'hercas taxatinn by the parliament of Great Britain for the purpose of rais- ing a revenue in lii;; Majesty's colonies, provinces, and plantations* in ^lorlb America, has been lound by experience to occasion great uneasiness and disorders among his Majesty's iatthful subjects, who may nevertheless be disposed to acknow- ledf^e the justice of contributing to the common defence of the empire, provided such contribution slmnld be raised under the authority of the general court or general assembly of eachrespectivecolony, province, or plantation; and, whereas, in order as well to remove the said uneasiness and to quiet the minds of his Ma- jesty's subjects who mijy be disposed to return to their allegiance, as to restore the peace and welfare of all his ftlajesly's dominions, it is expedient to declare that the king and parliament of Great Britain will not impose any duly, tax, or assess- ment for the purpose of raising a revenue in any of the colonics, provinces, or plantations. ' That from and after the passing of that act, the king and parliament of Great Britain would not impose any duty, tax, or assessment whatever, payable in any of his Majesty's colonies, provinces, and plantations in North America, and the West Indies, except only sue!; duties as it might be expedient to impose for the regula- tion of commerce; the net produce of such duties to be always paid and applied to and for the use of the colony, province, and plantation in which the same shall be resjicclively levied, in r uch manner as other duties collected by the authority of the respective general cmirls, or general assemblies of such colonies, provinces, or plan(atior<< arc ordinarily paid and applied.' That the renonciation of a right to impose taxes hereafter involves a repeal of those in existence, is an assumption which it is not ne- cessary to refute. Indeed, no person did the party the injustice to believe that they sincerely lliouglit so themselves, especially as in 330 TUB nUBBLEi^ ■I' I" ii that province there was a local act, 35 Geo. IH, c. 9, adopting its phraseology, and recognizing its existence and validity, by raising an additional revenue, /or the further support of the government, to which purpose this act alone had any reference. It answered, how- ever, the purposes of the parly ; it disorganized the government, and prevented English emigrants from removing to a colony in which evident preparation was making for a separation from the parent state. It also served to scatter the seeds of complaints, which soon germi- nated, and ripened into a plentiful harvest. It is the fashion in this country to call every change reform, the exercise of every acknow- ledged right an abuse, and every salutary restraint a grievance. In the colonies we have long looked to Great Britain as our model, and we have imported this fashion from her, as well as many other mo- dern innovations. If agitation is successful here, why may not it be so there? — if popular clamour requires and obtains concessions al home, there is no good reason why it should not be equally fortunate abroad ; if those who arc the most clamorous, are first attended to, because they are the most distinctly heard, why may not the co- lonists learn to exalt their voices also, in hopes of similar success ? — as the old cock qrows so does the young. The English have long held themselves up as models, and such distinguished people must not be surprised if they who ape their manners, occasionally copy some of their follies also. The force of example is too strong to be restrained by precept. These financial disputes extended over the whole period of the administration of the Duke of Richmond, Lord Dalhousie, and Sir James Kempt, with more or less intensity, ac- cording to the supply of fresh fuel furnished by irritating matter of an extraneous nature. Complaints soon multiplied upon complaints ; public meetings were hold ; violent speeches made, valiant resolutions passed ; and, finally, delegates chosen to demand a redress of griev- ances from the Imperial Parliament. When the delegates arrived in this country, they found public opinion with them. It is the interest, as well as the duty of the Eng- lish to govern their colonies justly and kindly; and no man but a Frenchman would alTlrm that their inclination requires the incite- ment of either. Their complaints were referred to a committee composed of persons by no means indisposed towards the petitioners, who, after a patient and laborious investigation of the subjects in dispute, made a report, which was acknowledged by the assembly to be both an able and an impartial one, and quite satisfactory. It will be unnecessary to recapitulate the subjects referred, or to tran- scribe the report, because both the one and the other will be best understood by a minute of Lord Aberdeen, to which I shall hereafler allude more particularly, in which he distinctly proves that the re- eommondations of that commitlce, so far as depended upon th^ doptirig its raising an rnment, to Bred, how- ment, and in which rent state, on germi- ion in this acknow- ancc. In Jodel, and other mo- y not it be essions at fortunate tended to, t the co- iccess ? — have long >ple must ally copy ong to be over the nd, Lord isity, ac- matter of iplaints ; solutions of griev- d public he Eng- in but a 3 incite- mniittee tioners, I'ects in sembly ry. It 3 tran- ie best rcaflor he re- )n (h<^ OF CANADA. 331 government, were most strictly and fully eomplied with. By adopt- ing this course, I shall be able to spare you a great deal of useless repetition. The manner in which the report of the committee was received by the dominant party in Canada, the praise bestowed upon its authors, and the exultation they expressed at their success, deceived the go- vernment as to the source of these noisy demonstrations of pleasure. They conceived it to be the natural impulse of generous minds towards those who had thus kindly listened to their solicitations, and liberally granted even more than they had required. But they knew not their men. It was the shout of victory that they mistook for the plaudits of loyalty. It was not designed to greet the ears of benefactors with grateful acknowledgments, but to wound the feelings of their neigh- bours with the cheers of triumph. They devoted but little time to mutual congratulations. Sterner feelings had supplied the place of rejoicing. They set themselves busily to work to improve their ad- vantage; and, having established themselves in the outworks which were thus surrendered to them, they now turned their attention to storming the citadel. While government was engaged in carrying into execution the recommendations of the coramittee with as much dispatch as the peculiar state of politics in Great Britain at that time permitted, the assembly put themselves in a posture of complaint again. Fourteen resolutions were passed, embodying some of the old and embracing some new grievances, and an agent appointed to advocate their claims. While representations in the name of the whole population were thus sent to England, expressing only the sentiment of one portion of the people, the settlers of British origin were loud in their complaints that they were unrepresented, and that they had no constitutional means of being heard. Fearing that this remonstrance, which was so well founded, might be redressed in the same quarter to which they had applied so successfully for relief themselves, the assembly afTccted to listen to their petitions, and made a new electoral diviMon of the province. Territories inhabited principally by persons of French origin, they divided into numerous small counties; while others, where a large body of tjiose of British origin resided, they so divided that, by joining that territory with another more numerous in French inhabitants, the votes of the British were rendered ineffec- tual. The proportion stood thus : ;r.V2 THE HUlUtlJlS Uritish. Foreign. S.iy 3i counties, returning two members cacli, by French mniorities. ... (i-l 2 Ditto, ditto, one each ( s;iy 7.i< ntinornui aiul Druiiinioii(l\ ... •I 1 English ninjorily, ^l.r.im'ii-. ..".... 5 Oitto. Slirrhro()li(!,Stanstea(l,lMissis»iuoi, Ottawa, and .Sbcll'ord, 5i cacli 1 10 'I'dtal 10 Counties. Two cilics, French majority, Quebec and Montreal, 4 each. . Two liiwns ditto. 'I'lirce Rivers, 2; and William Henry, 1 . . . S 11 77 Total, H8 Members. Of flic oxlrenio parlialifv of this division there never has been hiil. Olio opinion in the colonies, until they were so fortunate as to l>o lavoiir(!(l with the distinction drawn by the commissioners, who ad- niitlod that its opieration was a practical exclusion, but exonerated the bill from a charge of unfairness — an instance of even-handed justice (deciding in favour of both parties) which ought to have won them the praise of all men. In addition to this exclusion, so extraordina- rily designated as unjust but not unfair, they estabUshed the quorum of the house for the transaction of business at forty, being only four less than a moit^ty of the whole body. The large number thus re- quired to be |)resent to constitute a house still further depressed the inlluence of the minority, and enabled the majority to deprive them of their parliamentary privileges at pleasure, by rendering the trans- action of business impossible, except whon it suited the convenience of the stronger party to allow it. Having disposed of the complaints of liie British settlers in a way to prevent them from being troublesome in the house, they returned to the consideration of their own grievances; and that the motives actuating the party might not be disclosed, and to prevent any member of the opposition from being present at their deliberations, they adopted the extraordinary modeof permitting a person moving for a committee to name all the individuals whom he desired to be appointed as members. They also resolved that, if the legislative council did not concur in a bill for paying their emissary to England, they would, in the plenitude of their power, pay him themselves out of the public revenue without their concurrence. This singular assumption stands recorded thus : — Monday, 28lh Marcli, IH31. — Kesolved. — Thai in the present stale of the pub- lic all'airs or this province, it i^^ indispensably necessary that sonic person, having the OF CANADA. :i:s:i Foreign. iil 2 77 been hnl 5 as to 1)0 , who ad- 5rated the ed justice von them raordina- quoruin anly four thus rc- sscd the iv(! them je trans- cnience n a way returned motives member adopted mmittee ntcd as moil did would, e pubUc stands iihepub- aving the J ronfldcncc or this house, should proceed forthwith to I'lngland, to represent to liis IVIniosty's government the interests and sentiments of the inhabitants of the pro- vince, and support the petitions of this house to his Majesty and both Houses of I'urtianienl. ' Resolved, — That in the event of the bill sent up by this house to the legislative council, on the 5lh instant, not receiving the concurrence of that house in the pre- sent session, the Honourable Denis B. Viger, Esq., member of the legislative council, UHined agent of the province in the said bill, be requested to proceed to England vsUhout delay, for Ihc purposes mentioned in the foregoing resolution. ' Resolved, — That it is (>x|)'.:dient that the necessary and unavoidable disburse- iiicnls of ilic s.'iid Denis Heiij imin Viger, for eO'ectin^ the iimposes aforesaid, nol cxcoi'diii;^ 1,UU0^. be advanced, and paid to him by the clerk of litis house, out of the conlingent fund thereof, till such time as the said disbursements can be olhcrwise provided for. * And to shew their contempt of that co-ordinate braneli of tlie legislature, and their determination to legislate for the colony without their concurrence, and by their solo authority, as well as to stip- mati/e the ofTifors of the jiovernment as enemies of the country, they further resolved — ' That until such time as Ihc royal assent shall be glreii to a bill conformable to a resolution of Ihis house of the 17th March IS'iT), for vacating the seats of mem- bers accepting olliccs, and similar to the bills passed by this house in the years 18-i6, 18'i7, 182S, and 1830, the second and fourth of which were reserved for the sigiiilication of his ftlajesly's pleasure, the seal of any member of this house who shall accept of any ollice or place of profit under the crown in this province, or become accountable fur any public money herealicr appropriated within this province, shall, by this acceptance, be deemed by Ibis house to be vacant, and .i new writ shall bo issued for a new election, as if such person so accepting was na- turally dead; nevertheless such person shall be capable of being again re-elected, and of silting and voting in this house, as if his scat bad not been vacated as iii'uresaid. ' Resolved, — That any member of this house sitting and voting therein after such acceptance, be expelled this house.' At the same time, while they refused to government the means of paying its officers, they were most prodigal of the public money upon themselves and their dependants. There are certain funds ap- propriated for the contingent expenses of the house; and, legally, neither tho house nor any of its officers have any right to apply them to any other purposes. It is a trust fund, on the expenditure of which doubtless a certain degree of discretion may be exercised, but still a discretion having certain hmits. It is quite manifest that if the house could legally apply this fund to other objects than those ior which it was specifically appropriated, they would, for all the purposes of such application, exercise sole legislative power, to the exclusion of the other two branches of the legislature. The case of Mr. Viger, above referred to, is a flagrant violation of this principle. The expenses for printing alone during this year (1831) for the as- sembly, at one only of its favourite establishments, was considera- bly over 5000^., exclusive of other presses ; and this enormous sum ! 4 3:m THE UUIiULES is also exclusive of the cost of printing the laws, or of the expensed of the council. Pretexts were not wanted, where the disposition existed, to provide for their dependants. A subpoRna was all that was necessary to obtain a warrant for a gratuity, which, to one in- dividual, covered a charge of 1*20/., and on one petition amounted to 700/. * Some witnesses,' says a gentleman of the bar at Quebec, * one sees as regularly about a fortnight after the sessions as swal- lows in the spring ; and although they do not last quite so long, yet they hardly leave Quebec before either the house or the roads break up.' It will hardly be credited, that this house, which is so clamorous for cheap government, expends on itseU thirteen thousand jxmnds a year — one thousand of which is paid to Mr. Papineau, the patriot ; and that the gross amount of the legislative expenses is 18,000/. Some idea of the purity * of our enslaved and oppressed brethren' may be formed from the fact that, previous to 1829, the amount of monies voted for education had not exceeded 2,500/. At that period it was found it could be turned to a better account than education, they therefore constituted the members of the house visitors of the schools in the bounties they represent, the money being drawn on their certificates only, to which hij law they are primleged to affix their crosses, instead of the more difficult process of writing tlieir names. Since then the grants have wonderfully increased. In 1830 . . 27,840/. 1831 . . 25,201 1832 . . 29,233 1333 . . 22,500 When the fourteen resolutions above referred to were passed, the governor, who had recently arrived, could not but feel astonished that the same people who had so lately expressed their delight and sa- tisfaction at the report of the proceedings of parliament, and who knew that the recommendations of the committee were in a train of execution, should be again as clamorous as ever, and very prudently and properly entreated them to put an end to complaint, by bringing forward at once every grievance they had, that it might be met and redressed at the same time. The earnest manner in which this is pressed upon them is worthy of notice. What were the sources of ins lordship's satisfaction, which he twice expresses in this answer, I am utterly at a loss to imagine, unless we may conjecture it to have arisen from the consciousness of possessing a philosophy which enabled him to subdue and control his indignation at the insatiable demands and gross ingratitude of those whom it was his duty to address. ' 1 can assure you, ' he said, ' genllemen, that 1 have derived salisfaclion from listening to the petition which has juslbeen read by Mr. Speaker, because OF CANADA. »35 D oxpcnsea disposition as all that to one in- a mounted it Quebec, IS as swal- long, yet Dads break. clamorous l2>ounds a lie patriot ; s 18,000/. brethren' s amount of that period education, tors of the drawn on gcd to afi.v rit'ing their 3d. ' passed, the astonished ght and sa- and who 1 a train of ^ prudently »y bringing be met and hich this is sources of lis answer, e it to have phy which insatiable lis duty to d satisraction iker, because the subjccl- matter or it is distinct and tangible, and because I Teel assured that of the causes of complaint therein set forth, many will be eventually removed, and others modified ; in the meanwhile it is very agreeable to me to have it in my power to state that some oflhose causes of complaint have been already put by me in u train of amelioration at least, if not of removal altogether; and I beg the house of assembly to believe thatm^ efforts shall be unremitting in pursuing the same course to the utmost extent of my authority as the King's representative. Thus far I can, with a safe conscience, declare, that the present communication is satisfactory to me; but 1 cannot conceal from the house, that it would have been infinitely more so, could 1 feel assured that the whole matter of their complaints is comprised in this petition, (ilentlcmen, 1 must go a step further than this, and confess to you, that I cannot divest my mind of anxiety on this subject; it is with the view of being relieved from this stale of anxiety that I now come forward to entreat you will admit me to your confidence, and acquaint me whether I am to expect any, and what further, communications on the subject of complaints and grievances. ' 1 think 1 have even a claim upon you for the confidence I now solicit. Tho propositions which upon a recent occasion 1 was commanded by the King to muko to you on the subject of finance, were laid before you in the plainest and most straightforward manner — nothing was concealed— nothing was glossed over ; and I even believe that 1 should have been jusliQcd had I made those propositions more palatable to you than 1 have done; but 1 considered that anything which could bear, even for a moment, the appearance of trick or manoeuvre on so grave an occasion, was unworthy of his Majesty's government, and an injustice to the rank and loysi character of the Canadian people. What 1 now ask in return for this fair dealing, is a corresponding proceeding on the part of the house of assembly. Am I to understand, that the petition which 1 have just heard read conveys all that the house of assembly have to complain of up to this day ? Or sm 1 to understand that there remains something behind — some unripe grievance or complaint which ii may be intended to bring forward hereafter, when those now produced shall have been disposed of? This is the information 1 ask of you. This, gentlemen, is the information which I will even implore you to alTord me, in the name of the King, our sovereign, who is sincerity itself, and in the name of the brave and honest people of Canada, who are so well entitled to expect fair dealing in every quarter: and now, if there be any stray complaint, any grievance, however incon- siderable in itself, which may have been overlooked when this petition was adopted by the house, 1 beseech you, gentlemen, to take it back again, in order that the deficiency may be supplied, and that thus both king and people may be enabled at one view to see the whole extent of what you complain of, and what you require. ' Whether this appeal to your candour shall draw from you any further decla- ration, slating that your petition contains the whole matter of your complaints and grievances, or that you shall maintain silence, 1 shall equally consider that 1 have acquired a full and distinct knowledge of the whole of your complaints and griev- ances up to the present period; and your petition will be accompanied by an assurance from me to that effect, and my most fervent wishes (hat it may be pro- diirtivc of such measures as shall restore perfect harmony to this favoured land, where I firmly believe a larger share of happiness and prosperity is to be found than amongst any people in the universe. ' Castle of SI. Louis, Quebec, 22d March 1831. ' Having given them this gracious reception, his lordship commu- nicated these resolutions to the secretary for the colonies ; to whose answer, as it enumerates the complaints for the purpose of giving to each a distinct and separate answer, I refer you for the particulars as well of the resolutions as of the remedies. ' The King has been graciously pleased to express his approbaliDU of the efforts made by your lordship to ascertain, with precision, the full extent of the grievances ■ I :>30 THE Hl'lUtlibS I or which the assembly coiisitliT ihuinsclves cntUled lo cotnitlnin; nnd assuming, in cuneurrcncc with your lordtihip, thai the atiilrpss nf ihc assombly contains a rnll development of those grievances, tlie exposition whicli is lo ho found there ofthn views or that hody, jusliiies the satisfactory inference that Oicre remains scarcely any question upon which the wishes of that branch of tlie legislature are at variance with the policy which his Majcsly has h(><>n ndvised lo pursue; and I therefore gladly anticipate Ihc speedy and etTeclunl icriiilnalioii of lliosc dilTercnccs, which have heretofore so much embarrassed the operations of tlie local (government. ' No oilicc can be more grateful lo llie King than that of yieldin;; to the rensonal)ti! desires of the representative hody of flower Canada ; and whilst his niajesly's servants have (he satisfaction of feeling, that upon some of the most important topics referred lo in the address of Ihc asscmldy, its wishes li.ivc been nnlicipalcd, they trust that the instructions which I am now about to convc} id you, will still further evince their earnest desire to combine with Iho due and lawful exercise of the constitutional authority of the crown, an anxious solicitu lor the well-being of all classes of his faithful subjects in the province. ' I proceed to notice Ihc various topics embraced In the aJdress of the assembly 10 the King. I shall observe the order which they have followed ; and, wilh a view lo perspicuity, I shall preface each successive instrudion, which I have his Majesty's commands lo eoiivey to your lordship, by the quotation of the statements made upon (lie same tt.pic by the Assembly themselves. < First, it is represented that the progress which has been made in the education of the people of Ihe province, under the encouragement afforded by the recent acts of the legislature, has been greatly impeded by the diversion of the revenues of the Jesuits' estates, originally destined for this purpose. ' His Majesty's government do not deny that the Jesuits' estates were, on the dissolution of that order, appropriated to the education of the people ; nnd I rea- dily admit, that the revenue which may result from that property should be re- garded as inviolably and exclusively applicable to that object. ' It is to be regretted, undoubtedly, (hat any part of those funds were ever applied lo any oilier purpose ; but although, in former times, your lordship's pre- decessors may have had to contend with dilliculties wlilch caused and excused that mode of approprialion, 1 do not feel m dlf now called upon to enter into any con- sideration of that part of the subject. ' If, however, I may rely on the returns which have been made to this depart- ment, the rents of the Jesuits' estates have, during the few last years, been de- voted exclusively to tlie purposes of education, and my despatch, dated 2'lth December last, marked 'separate,' suHicicntly indicates that his IMajesly's mi- nisters had resolved upon a strict adherence to that principle several months before the present address was adopted. * The only practical question which remains for consideration is, whether the application of these funds for the purpose of education should be directed by his IMajesly or by the provincial legislature. The King cheerfully and without reserve contides that duty to the legislature, in the lull persuasion that they will make such a selection amongst the dilTerent plans which may be presented to their notice, as may most ellectually advance the interests of religion and sound learning amongst his suhjecis ; and I cannot doubt (hat the assend)ly will see the justice of continuing (0 maiulaiu, under the new distributions of these funds, those scholastic establish- ments lo which (hey are now applied. ' 1 understand that certain buildings on ihc Jesuits' estates which were for- merly used for collegiate purposes, have since been uniformly employed as a barrack for the King's troops. It would obviously be highly inconvenient to attempt any immediate change in this respect, and lam convinced that the assembly would regret any measure which might diminish the comforts or endanger the health of the King's forces. If, however, the assembly should be disposed to pro- vide adequate barracks so as permanently to secure those important objects, bis Majesty will be prepared (upon the completion of such an arrangement in a manner satisfactory lo your lordship) to acquiesce in the appropriation of the buildina;s in OF CANADA. issuniitiK, in Idling a riill there of (hn »in» scarcely a at variance li I lliorcrore snces, which iinent. Idin^ lo the )(l whilst his or (ho must s li.'uc hecn >\\\V) loynii, e ani the Crown , and the control of the other branches of the legir minend to le province lical affairs g pleasure, ns. e crown to omplainl of ship, on the it suggested idges of the them inde- branches of if the judges I, concurred dance at the ; all discus- ch a perma- ion, may be ;longs to the e, excepting ,ch is in any any such irt to me all ary instruc- loul reserve, description ent position les of years, one class of )y property, imselves the added, that ir situations nmcnt and iheni, while less. ous to meet alory spirit, for the con- jesty sliould it under his od who arc ulies as are indicate the nn be shown lud exclusive [iully it' it be larlicipalion his Majesty can have no desire that any such invidious dislinclioiis should be syslcmallcally maintained. Beyond l?>is general statoineiit it is not in my power to advance. I nm enlirely Ignorant of the specific cases to which the general expressions of the assembly point. I can only slaie, thai since his Majesly was pleased to intrust to myself the seals ofthis department, no opporlunily has occurred for exercising the patronage of the Crown in Lower Canada, lo which il is possible that the assemMy can refer, nor have my inquiries brought to light any particular case of a more remote dale lo which (heir languiige would appear to be applicable. ' Twelfthly. — The next subject of complaint is developed in the following words : — ' That there exists no suflicient responsibi'ily on the part of the persons holding these situations, nor any adequate accountability amongst those of them intrusted with public money ; lhev'onse(|uenrc of whicli has been the misapplication of large sums of public money, and of the money of individuals, by defaulters, with whom deposits were made under legal authority, hitherto without reimbursement or redress having been obtained, notwithstanding the humble representations of your petitioners.' ' It would be impossible, without a violation of truth, lo deny that at a period not very reuiote heavy losses were suslaiiicd both by the public and by individuals, from the want of a proper system of pass- ing and auditing their accounts. I find, however, that in his despatch of the 29th September, Sir George Murray adverted to this subject in terms to which I find it difficult to make any useful ad- dition. His words are as follows : — • The complaints which have reached this office respecting the inadequate security given by the receiver-general and by the sheriffs, for the due application of public money in tlieir hands, have not escaped the very serious attention of the ministers of the Crown ; the most effectual security against abuses of this nature would be to prevent the accumulation of balances in the hands of public accountants, by obliging them to exhibit their accounts to some competent authority at short intervals, and imme- diately to pay over the ascertained balance. The proof of having punctually performed this duty should be made the indispensable condiUon of receiving their salaries, and of their continuance in officf. ' In the colony of New South Wales a regulation of this nature has been established under his Majesty's instructions to llie governor of that settlement, and has been productive of great public enr venicncc. If a similar practice were intro- duced in Lfiwcr Canada lor the regulation of the olTice of receiver-general, and for thalof sbcriir, the only apparent difficulty would be to And a save place of deposit for their balani'cs. I am, however, aulliorised to slate, that the lords-commis- sioners of his IMajcstj's Treasury will hold themselves responsible to the province for any sums v.hicli llio receiver-general or slieriflT m«y pay over to the commissary- general. Your excellency will, therefore, propose to llic legislalive council and a-isonibly the enactment ol a law binding these ofiiicrf to render an account of their receipts at short intervals, and to pay over the bahinccs in their hands to the com- missary-general, upon condilion that that officer should be bound, on demand, to deliver a bill on his IMajesly's Treasury for the amount of his receipts. 1 trust that, in this proposal, the legislature will lind a proof of the earnest desire of his Majesty's fiovernment to provide, as far as may be practicable, an etVeclual remedy for every case of real grievance. ' If the preceding instructions have proved inadequate to the redress of the I (I HI! M I i >! 11' 1,1 ■ t •n. 342 THE BUBBLES III SI inconvenience to which ihey refer, I can assure your lordship of the cordial concar* rcnco of his iMajeslys govcrnmenl in any more cITcclive measures which may be recommended lor ihal purpose, cither by yourself or by either of the bouses of the provincial legislature. ' The losses which the province sustained by the default of the late Mr. Caldwell is a subject which his fliajcsty's Oovernmeul contemplate with the deepest regret — a feeling enhanced by the painful conviction of their inability to attord to the provincial revenues any adecpialc compensation for so serious an injury; what is in theii power they have siadiy done by the instruction conveyed to your lordship in the early part of this despatch, to place at the disposal of the legislature, for general purposes, the sum of ^'7,154. 15s. 4f'/., recovered from rtlr. Caldwell's property. The assembly will, 1 trust, accept this as a proof of the earnest desire of his rtlajesly's Government lu consult lo the utmost of their ability tiie pecuniary interest of the province. ' Thirtecnlhly. — The address proceeds to state that ' the evils of this state of things liave been greatly aggravated by enactments made in tho I'arliament of the United [vingdoni, wilhoul even the knowledge of the people of this colony, which enactinenls have rendered temporary duties imposed by the provincial legislature permanent, leaving in the hands of public oilicers, over whom the ar^embly has no effectual control, large sums of money arising within this province, which are applied by persons subject lo no suiVicient accountability.' ' I undeistiind this complaint to refer to the 28lh clause of the stat. 3 Geo. IV, c. 119. The duties mentioned in that enactment are continued until some act for repealing or altering them shall be passed by the legislative council and assembly of Lower Can ulaj and until a copy of any such new act shall have been transmitted to the governor of Upper Canada, and shall have been laid before both houses of Parliament, and assented to by bis Majesty. The motive for this enactment is explained in the preambule, to have been the necessity of obviating the evils expe- rienced in the Upper Province from the exercise of an exclusive control by the legislature ot Lower Canada over imports and exports at the port of Quebec. I acknowledj^e wilhoul, reserve, that nothing but the necessity of mediating between the two provinces would have jusiified such an interference by Parliament; and if any adequate security can be devised against the recurrence of similar dilTiculties, the enactmenl ought to be repealed. The peculiar geographical position of Upper Canada, enjoying no access to the sea, except through a province wholly independent on itself, on the one hand or through a fureign stale on the other, was supposed in the J ear IS'22 lo have created the necessity for enacting so peculiar a law for its prulcction. 1 should be much gr;di(icd !o learn, that no such necessity exists at present, or can be reasonably aniicipalcd hereafter; for upon sufTicient evidence of that fact, his IMnjesty'ii (lovernment would at ouce recommend lo Parliament the repeal of that part of the statute to which the address of the house of assembly refers. The ministers of the Crown would even be satisfied to propose lo Parliament the repeal of the enactment in question upon proof that the legislature of the Upper Province deem such protection superfluous; perhaps it may be found practicable to arrange this matter by communications between the legislatures of the two provinces. The ministers of the Crown are prepared tc co-operate to the fullest extent in anymeasure which lhet>\o legislatures shall concur in recommending forthe amend- ment or repeal of the statute 3 Geo. IV, c. Ill), s. 28. ' Fourteenthly — The selection of the legislative councillors and the constitu- tion of that body, which forms Ihe last subject of complaint in the address, 1 shall not notice in this place, any further than lo say, that it will form the matter of a separate coinmunicalioii, since ihe topic is loo extensive and important to be con- venienlly embraced in my piesenl despatch. The pitu'cdinii review of Ihe questions broui^hl by the house of assembly, appears lo me culircly to juslify the cxpeclaliniis which 1 have expressed at the comuK'ncenu'ul of this dispalch, of a speedy, eirectual, and amicable termination of Ihi" protracted diiiciissions of several years, ll w.»uld be injurious lo Ihe house of assembly to attribute to Iheni any such captious spirit as would keep alive u contest OF CANADA. 343 rdlal concur* iich may be houses of the Mr. Caldwell leepest regret alTord to the •y ; wbal Is In ur lordship in •e, for general ell's property. fhisiAlajeslj's nleresl of the )f this stale of rliamenl of the colony, which cial legislature rf their folly. 5 forward all add them to led to report tit in silence, d their bud- that parlin- low fidly bc- ;; of assembly irs w(;ro con- t)n was made ►sed to be the nnatural that could wholly ieir declining any further ;y were pre- sh grievance 1 ilist Ihrough- 5t ungrateful, nation to the uich provoca- thrust will be heard across . But, alas ! once was, he is teeth, and 1 his natural was received it had known could not re- am , the same igth had for- supported by and alone, dwell upon, sal; its want Dlixity. The calculated to e evils under leration. As ry wisely rc- y themselves ive appeared OF CANADA. d45 singular to the sympathisers of Enj^land, if the aggregate had amoimted to so remarkable a number as one hundred : it would have struck them as a suspicious coincidence that they should have exactly reached ' a round number,' and filled a well known measure, and therefore, with an aculeness peculiar to people accustomed to fabri- cate tales of fictitious distress, they wisely slopped at n'nicdj-hrn. But it must not bo supposed that even (Canadian exaggeration could lind a grievance for each number. Some were merely declamatory, and others personal; some coniplimenled j>ersons on this side? of the water, whose politics they thought restitnbled their own, and others expressed or implied a censure against obnoxious persons, while not a few were mere repetitions of what had been previously said. Such a state paper, dra\vn up on such an occasion by the most eminent men in the house for the perusal of such a body of men as the mem- bers of the imperial parliament, is of itself a proof how little fitted the Canadians are for constitutional government. 1. Resolved, That His IMajcsly's loyal siilijocls, the people of this Province of Lower Canada, have shown the strongest allaclimcrit to the Hritish^Knipire, of which Ihey area portion : that liiey iiave rcpoalcdly delcnilcd it with courage in time of war; that at the time which preceded the independence of the late British Colonics on this continent, ihey resisted the appeal made to them by those colonics lojoin their confederation. 2. Resolved, That the people of this province have at all times manifested their confidence in His IMajesty's O.ivcrninent, even under circumstances of the grea'-^st difliculty, and when the government of the province has been administered by men who trampled under foot the riglilr. and feelings dearest to British subjects ; and that these sentiments of the peo- le of this province remain unchanged. 3. Resolved, That the people of this l^rovince have always shown themselves ready to welcome and receive as brethren those of their fellow suhjecls who, having quitted the Uniled Kingdom or its dependencies, have chosen this province as their home, and have earnestly endeavoured (as far as on llscm depended) 'o all'ord every facility to their parlicipalin? in Uio poiilical advantages, and in the means of rendering their industry available, wliicli the poopleof this province enjoy ; and to remove for them the difficulties arising Ironi llu> vicious system adopted by those who have administered the govcrnmenlof the province, with regard to those por- tions of the country in which the newcomers have generally chosen to settle. 4. Resolved, That this House, as representing the people of this province, has shown an earnest zeal to advance the general prosperity of the country, by secur- ing the peace and content of all classe;: of its inhabitants, without any distinction of origin or creed, and upon the solid and durable basis of unity of interest, and equal confidence in the protection of the mother country. h. Resolved, That this House has seized every occasion to adopt, and firmly to establish by law in this province, not only the constitutional and parliamentary law of I'lngland, which is necessary to carry the Covernmcnl into operation, but also all such parts of the public law of the ('uited Kingdom as have appeared to this house adapted to promote the welfare ami safely of the people, and to be conform- able to their wishes and their wants; and that this house has, in like manner, wisely endeavoured so to regulate its proceedings as to render them, as closely as the circumstances of this colony permit, analogous to the practice of the House of Commons of the Uniled Kingdom. G. Resolved, That in the year IsaT the great majority of the people oflbis pro- vince complained, in petilioTis signed by 87,000 persons, of serious and numerous II I Ji II i t ; 'if 846 THE BUBBLES abuses which then prevailed, irtany of which had then eiisted for a great namber of years, and of which Ihc grcatei part still eiist, without correction or mitigation. 7. Resolved, That the complaiiits aforesaid, and the grievances which gave rise to Ihem, being submitted (o the consideration of the Parliament of the United Kingdom, occasioned the appointment of a conimiltee of the House of Commons, of wtich the Honourable Edward Geoffrey Stanley, now his Majesty's principal secretary of state for the colonial department, and several others, who are now members of his Majesty's government, formed part; and that, after a careful in- vestigation and due deliberation, the said committee, on the 18th July 1888^ came to the following very just conclusions : Istly. ' That the embarrassments and discontents that had long prevailed in the Canadas, had arisen from serious defects in the system of laws, and the constitutions established in those colonies. 2dly. ' That these embarrassments were in a great measure to be attri- buted to the manner in which the existing system had been administered. 3dly. ' That they had a complete conviction that neither the suggestions which they .had made, nor any other improvements in the laws and constitu- tions of the Canadas, will be attended with the desired eflfect, unless an im- parlial, conciliating, and constitutional system of government were observed in these royal and important colonies.' 8. Resolved, That since the period [aforesaid, the constitution of this province, with its serious defects, has continued to be administered in a manner calculated to multiply the embarrassments and discontents which have long prevailed; and that the recommendations of the Committee of the House of Commons have not been followed by efTeclive measures of a nature to produce the desired effect. 9. Resolved, Thaf the most serious defect in the Constitutional Act — its ra- tliral fault — the most artive principle oj evil and discontent in the province; the most powerful and most frequent cause of abuses ofponver; of infractions of the laivs; of the waste of the public revenue and property, accompanied by impunity to the governing party, and the oppression and consequent resentment of the go- verned, is that injudicious enactment, the fatal results of which mere foretold by the Honourable Charles James Fox at the time of its adoption, which invests the Crown with that exorbitant power [incompatible with any government duly balanced and founded on law and justice, and not on force and coercion) of selecting and composing without any rule or limitation, or any predetermined qualifcation, an entire branch of the legislature, supposed from the nature of its attributions to be independent, but inevitably the servile tool of the authority which creates, composes and decomposes it, and can on any day modify it to suit the interests or thepas- sions of the moment. 10. Resolved, That with the permission of a power so unlimited, the abuse of it is inseparably connected; and that it has alwajs been so exercised in the selection of the Members of the Legislative Council of this province, as to favour the spirit of monopoly and despotism in Ihc executive, judicial, and administrative depart- ments of government, and never in favour of the public interests. 11. Resolved, That the effectual remedy for this evil was judiciously foreseen and pointed out by the Committee of the House of Commons, who asked John Neilson, Esquire (one of the ai;cnts who had carried to England vince; the 'ons of the / impunity of the go- oretold by 'nvests the ' balanced cting and ■ation, an Uont to be composes <" thepas- i abuse of '■ selection the spirit B depart- foreseen ted John itition of nind any iposed in ommand house of isilion in lid have lly com- inncr or Dg other omposi- aen vho were independent of tbe executive (but that to judge from experience there would be no security that this would be done), and that if this mode were found impracti- cable, the other would be to render the legislative council elective. 12. Resolved, That, judging from experience, this house liltewlse believes there would be no security in the first mentioned mode, the course of events having but too amply proved what was then foreseen; and that this house approves all the inferences drawn by the said John Neilson fVoni experience and facts; but tbat with regard to his suggestion that a doss of electors of a higher qualification should be established, or a qualification in property fixed for those persons who might sit in the council, this house have, in their address to his Most Gracious Majesty, dated the 20it) March 1833, declared in what manner this principle could, in their opinion, be rendered tolerable in Canada, by restraining it within certain bounds, which should in no case be passed. 13. Resolved, Tbat even in defining bounds of this nature, and requiring tbe possession of real property as a condition of eligibility to a legislative council, chosen by tbe people, which most wisely and happily has not been made a condi- tion of eligibility to the bouse of assembly, this house seems rather to have sought to avoid shocking received opinions in Europe, where custom and the law have given so many artificial privileges and advantages to birth and rank and fortune, than to consult the opinions generally received in America, where the influence of birth is nothing, and where, notwithstanding the importance which fortune must always naturally confer, the artificial introduction of great political privileges in favour of the possessors of large property, could not long resist the preference given at free elections to virtue, talents, and information, which fortune does not exclude but can never purchase, and which may be tbe portion of honest, contented, and devoted men, whom the people ought to have the power of callingand consecrating to the public service, in preference to richer men, of whom they may think less highly. 14. Resolved, Jfiat this house is nowise disposed to admit the excellence of the present constitution of Canada, although his Majesty's secretary of state fvr the colonies has unseasonably and erroneously asserted, that it has conferred on the two Canadasthe institutions of Great Britain; nor to reject the principle of extending the system of frequent elections muchfurther than it is at present carried; and this system ought especially to be extended to the legislative council, although it may be considered by the colonial secretary incompatible with the British govern- ment, ichich he calls a monarchical government, or too analogous to the institu" tions which the several states, composing the industrious, moral, and prospeivus confederation of the United States of America, have adopted for theniklves. 15. Resolved, That in a dispatch, of which the date is unknown, 'and of which a part only was communicated to this house by the governor-in- chief on the 14th January 1834, his Majesty's secretary of state for the Colonial Department (this house having no certain knowledgc,whethcr the said despatch is from the present colonial secretary or from his predecessor) says, that an examination of the compo- sition of the legislative council at that period (namely, at the time when its compo- sition was so justly censured by a Committee of the House of Commons) and at the . present, will sufiicicntly show in what spirit his Majesty's Qovemmeni has en- deavoured to carry the wishes of Parliament into effect. 16. Resolved, That this House receives with gratitude this assurance of tbe just and benevolent intentions, with which, in the performance of their duty, his Majesty's ministers have endeavoured to give effect to the wishes of parliament. 17. Resolved, That unhappily it was left, to the principal agcntof his Majesty's Government in this province to carry the wishes of tbe Imperial Parliament into effect; but that he has destroyed the hope which his Majesty's faithful subjects had conceived of seeing the legislative council reformed and ameliorated, and has confirmed them in the opinion tbat the only possible mode of giving to that body the weight and respectability which it ought to possess, is to introduce into it the principle of election. 18. Resolved, Tbat the legislative council, strengthened by a majority inimical 318 THE BURBLES i 1 ,..ji n to llic righls or tliis house and or the people whom it reprcsenlit, has received neifv and more powerful menus than il i)erore poggcssed of porpclnating and of rendering more ofTensive and more hurtful to the country the system of abuses of which the people of this province have up to this day inofrectunlly complained, and which up to this day parliament and his Majesty's government in England have ineiToctually sought to correct. 19. Resolved, That since its pretended reform iho Icjiislalivo council has, in a manner more calculated to alarm the inhabitants of this province, and more par- ticularly in its Address to his Majesty of the Ist of April 18:i3, renewed iis pre- tension of being specially appointed to protect one class of liis IMiijesty's subjects in this province, as supposing them to have interests which could not be sutTiciently represented in the assembly, seven-eights of the members' of which are l)y the said council most erroneously stated lobe of French origin and speak the French language : that this pretension is a violation of the constitution, and is of a na- ture to excite and perpetuate nmong tlic several classes of the inhabitants of this province mutual distrust and national distinctions and animosities, and to give one portion of the people an unjust and factious superiority over the other, and the hope of domination and undue preference. 20. Resolved, That by such claim the legislative council, after a reform which was held upas one adapted to unite il more closely with the interests of tlic co- lony in conformity with the wishes of parliament, calls down as one of its first acts, the prejudices and severity of his Majesty's Government upon the people of this province and upon the representative branch of the legislature thereof, and that by this conduct the legislative council has destroyed amongst the people all hope which was l(>rt them of seeing the said council, so long as it shall remain constituted as it now is, act in barmpny with the house of osscmbly. 21. Resolved, That the legislative council of this province has never been any thing else but an impotent screen between the governor and the people, which by cnablitui the one to maintain a cor\ftict with the others, has served to perpetuate a system of discord and contention; that it has unceasingly acted with avowed hos- tility to the sentiments of the people as constitutionally c ^pressed by the bouse of assembly; that it is not right under the name of a legislative council to impose an aristocracy on a country which contains no natural materials for the composi- tion of silch a body; that the parliament of the United Kingdom in granting to his Majesty s Canadian subjects the power of revising the constitution under which they hold their dearest rights, would adopt a liberal policy, free from all considera- tion of former interests and of existing prejudices ; and that by this measure, equally coq^istent with a wise and sound policy, and with the most liberal and extended views, the parliament of the United Kingdom would enter into noble rivalry with the United States of America, would prevent his Majesty's subjects from seeing any thing to envy there; and would preserve a friendly intercourse between Great Britain and this province, as her colony so long as the lie between us shall continue, and as her ally whenever the course of events may change our relative positions. 22. Resolved, That this house so much the more conG.dentially emits the opi- nions expressed in the preceding resolution, because, if any faith is to be placed in the published reports, they were at no distant period emitted with other remarks in the same spirit, in the commons house of the United Kingdom, by the Right Honourable Edward Geoffrey Stanley, now his Majosly's principal secretary of state for the Colonial department, and by several other enlightened and distin- guished members, some of whom are^among the number of his' IMajesly's present ministers; and because the conduct of the legislative council since its pretended re- form, demonstrates that the said opinions are in no wise rendered less applicable or less correct by its present composition. 23. Resolved, That the legislative council has at the present time less commu- nity of interest with the province than at any former period; that its present com- ' position, instead of being calculated to change the character of the body, to put an end to complaints, and to bring about that co-operation oftbe two bouses of the leg all of to lioi cer I received ng and ot ' abuses of mplaincd, I England I has, in a more par- ed iis pro- 's sultjpcts ufllciently ire hy Iho he French I of a na- ils of this nd to give (her, and )rm which of the co- i first acts, pic of this ind that by lope which ituted as it r been any , which by ;rpeluate a pwed hos- house of to impose composi- diny to his dcr which considera- measurc, bcral and nto noble s subjects tercourse between hange our s the opi- placcd in r remarks the Riglit rclary of d distin- s present snded rc- licable or commu- senlcom- ly, to put uses of the OF CANADA. 349 5 legislature which is so necessary to the welfare of tbe country, is such as to destroy all hope that (he said council will adopt the opinions and sentiments of the people of this province, and of t/iis house with regard to the inulienabic riyht of the latter to thejiilland tntirc control of the whole revenue raised in the province, with re- gard to the necessity under which this house has found itself (for tlie purpose of elFecting the reformation which it has su lung and so vainly demanded of existing abuses) to provide for the expenses of the civil government by annual appropria- lionsonly,as well with regard toa variety of other questions of public interest, con- cerning which the executive government, and the legislative council which it has selected and created, differ diametrically from the people of this province and from this house. 24. Resolved, That such of the recently appointed councillors as were taken from the majority of the! Assembly, and had entertained the hope that a sufllcient number of independent men, holding opinions in unison with those of the majority of the people and of their representatives, would be associated with them, must now feel that they are overwhelmed by a majority hostile to tbe country, and com- posed of men who have irretrievably lost the public confidence, by showing them- selves the blind and passionate partisans of all abuses of power, by encouraging all the acts of violence committed under the administration of Lord Dalhousic, hy having on all occasions outraged the representatives of the people of the country; of men, unknown in the country until within a few years, without landed properly or having very little, mostof whom have never been returned to the Assembly (some of them having even been refused by the people), and who have never given any proofs of their fitness for performing the functions of legislators, but merely of their hatred to the country; and who, by reason of their community of sentiment with him, have found themselves, by the partiality of the governor-in-chief, suddenly raised to a station in which they have the power of exerting, during lite, an influence over the legislation and over the fate uf this province, the laws and instil ulions of which have ever been the objects of their dislike. '2i liesolvcd, That in manifest violation of the cijastitution, there are among the persons last mentioned several who were born citizens of the United States, or are natives of other foreign countries, and who at the time of their appointment had not been naturalized by Act of the British i^arliamenl ; that the residence of one of these persons (Horalio Gates) in this country during the last war with the United States was only tolerated; he refused to take up arms for the defence of the country in which he remained merely for the sake of lucre; and after these pre- vious facts, took bis seat in the legislative council on the Itilh March 1833; and lil'tcen days afterwards, to wit, on the ist April, voted for the address before men- tioned, censuring those who during tbe last war were under arms on the frontiers to repulse the attacks of the American armies and of the fellow-citizens of the said Horatio Gates : that another (James Baxter) was resident during the said late war within the United States, and was bound by the laws of the country of his birth, under certain circumstances, forcibly to invade this province, to pursue, destroy, and capture, if possible, his Majesty's armies, and such of his Canadian subjects as were in arms upon the frontiers to repulse the attacks of the American armies, and of the said James Baxter, who (being at the said time but slightly qua- liOed as far as properly is concerned) became, by the nomination of tbe gover- nor-in-chief, a legislator for life in Lower Canada, on the '2-id of March 1833; and eight days afterwards, on the 1st of April aforesaid, voted that very address which contained the calumnious and insulting accusation which called for the expression of his Majesty's just regret, ' that any word had been introduced which should have the appearance of ascribing to a class of his subjects of one origin, views at variance with the allegiance which they owe to his Majesty.' Resolved, That it was in the power of the present governor- in-chief, more than in that of any of his predecessors (by reason of the latitude allowed him us to the number and selection of the persons whom he might nominate to be members of the legislative council) to allay, for a time at least, the intestine divisions which rend this colony, and to advance some steps towards tbe accomplishraeat of Ibe 9&0 THE BUBBLES '1 urisheg of Parliament, by inducing a community of interett between the said council and the people, and by giving the foimer a more independent character by judicious nominations. 37. Resolved, That although sixteen persons have been nominated in less than two years by the present governor to be members of the said council (a number greater than that aflordcd by any period of ten years under any other administra- tion), and notwithstanding the wishes of parliament, and the instructions given by his Majesty's government for the removal of the grievances of which the people had complained, the same malign influence which has been exerted to perpetuate in the country a system of irresponsibility in favour of public functionaries, has pre- vailed to such an extent as to render the majority of the legislative council more inimical to the country than at any former period ; and that this fact confirms with irresistible force the justice of the censure passed by the committee of the House of Commons on the constitution of the legislative council as it had theretofore existed, and the correctness of the opinion of those members of the said committee who thought that the said body could never command the respect of the people, nor be in harmony with the house of assembly, unless the principle of election was introduced into it. 28. Resolved, That even if the present governor-in-chief had, by making a most judicious selection, succeeded in quieting the alarm and allaying for a time the profound disrontent which then prevailed, that ybrm of government would not be less essentially vicious which mcdces the happiness or misery of a country de- pend on an executive over which the people of that country have no influence^ and which has no permanent interest in the country, or in common with its inhabit- ants; and that thd extension of the elective] principle is the only measure which ap- pears to this house to qfford any prospect of equal and sufficient protection in future to all the inhabitants of the province without distinction. 29. Resolved, That the accusations preferred against the house of assembly by the legislative council, as re-composed by the present governor-in-chicf, would be criminal and seditious, if their very nature did not render them harmless^ since they go to assert, that if in its liberality and justice the parliament of the United Kingdom had granted the earnest prayer of this house in behalf of the province (and which this house at this solemn moment, after weighing the dispatches of the sreretary of stale for the colonial department, and on the eve of u general election, now repeats and renews), that the constitution of the legislative council may be altered by ren- dering it elective, the result of this ocl of justice and benevolence would have been to inundate the country with blood. 30. Resolved, That by the said address to his Majesty, dated the 1st of April last, the legislative council charges lliis house with having calumniously accused the King's representative of partiality and injustice in the exercise of the powers of his office, and with deliberately calumniating his Majesty's ofTicers, both civil and military, as a faction induced by interest alone to contend for the support of a go- vernn. ?nt inimical tn the rights and opposed to the wishes of the people : with re- ference to which this house declares that the accusations preferred by it have never been calumnious, but are true and well founded, and that a faithful picture of the executive government of this province in all its parts is drawn by the legislative council in this passage of its address. 31. Resolved, That if, as this house is fond of believing, his Majesty's govern- ment in England does not wish systematically to nourish civil discord in this colony, the conlradictory allegations Ihus made by the two houses make il imperative on it to become better acquainted with the state of the province than it now appears to be, if we judge from its long tolerance of the abuses which its agents commit with impunity ; that it ought not to tri\st to the self-praise of those who have the ma- nagement of the affairs of a cole ^y, passing according to them into a state of anarchy ; that it ought to he convincc^^d that if its protection of public functionaries, accused by a competent authority (that is to say by this house, in the name of the people), could for a time, by force and intimidation, aggravate, in favour ttf those fuDclionaries and against the rights and interests of the people, the system of insult 4 OF CANADA. 86) I said council by judicious i In lesg than il (a number ■ adminUlra- ions given by h the people ,0 perpetuate ries, hag pre- council more joniirma with the House of ofore existed, mmillee who pic, nor be in as introduced by making a ng for a time ml would not country de- no influence^ th its inhabit- ure which ap- rtion in future \i assembly by icf, would be ;ss, since they Ited Kingdom ;e (and which le secretary of , now repeals Ilered by ren- uld have been D Isl of April )usly accused >f the powers both civil and •port of a go- ple : with ra- il have never iclure of the le legislative sty's govern- n this colony, erative on it w appears to commit with lave the ma- te a state of unctionaries, name of the our «f those tern of insult * I and oppression which they impatiently bear, the result must be to weaken our con« fldence in, and our allacbmenl tu liis Majesty's government, and tu give deep root to the discontent and insurmountable disgust which have been excited by admiiiis- tritlons deplorably vicious, and which are now excited by the majority of the public functionaries of the colony, combined as a faction, and induced by interest alone to contend for the support of a corrupt government, inimical to the rights and op- posed to the wishes of the people. 38. Resolved, That in addition to its wicked and calumnious address of the Ist April 1833, the legislative council, as rc-composed by the present governor-in- chief, has proved how little community of interest it has with ihe colony, by the fad that out of sixty-four bills which were sent up to it, twenty-eight were rejected by it, or amended in a manner contrary to iheir spirit and essence ; that the same unanimity which had attended the passing of ihc greater part of these bills in the as- sembly, accompanied their rejection by the legislative council, and that an opposi- tion so violent shows clearly that the provincial executive and the council of its choice, in league together against the representative body, do not, or will not, con- sider il as the faithful interpreter and the equitable judge of the wants and wishes of the people, nor as Gt to propose laws conformable to the public will ; and that under such circumstances it would have been the duty of the head of the executive to ap- peal to the people, by dissolving the provincial parliament, had there been any analogy between the institutions of Great Britain and those of this province. 33. Resolved, That the legislative council, as recomposed by the present go- vernor-in-chlef, must' be considered as embodying the sentiments of the colonial executive government, and that from the moment it was so re-composed, the two au- thorities seem to have bound and leagued themselves for the purpose of proclaim- ing principles subversive of all harmony in the province, and of governing and do- mineering in a spirit of blind and invidious national antipathy. 34. Resolved, That the address voted unanimously on the 1st April 1833, by the legislative council, as re-composed by the present governor-ln-chief, was concurred in by the honourable the chief justice of the province, Jonathan Sewell, to whom the right honourable Lord Viscount Ooderich, in his despatch, communicated to* the house on the 25th November 1831, recommended * a cautious abstinence' from ail proceedings by which he might be Involved In any contention of a party nature; by John Hale, the present receiver-general, who, in violation of the laws, and of the trust reposed in him, and upon illegal warrants issued by the governor, has paid away large sums of the public money, without any regard to the obedience which is always due to the law ; by Sir John Caldwell, baronet, the late receiver-gene- ral, a peculator, who has been condemned to pay nearly 100,000/. to reimburse a like sum levied upon the people of this province, and granted by law to his Ma- jesty, his heirs and successors, for the public use of the province, and for the sup- port of his Majesty's government therein, and who has diverted the greater part of the said sum from the purposes to which it was destined, and appropriated it to his private use ; by Mathew Bell, a grantee of ihe crown, who bus been unduly and illegally favoured by the executive, in the lease of the forges of St. Maurice, in the grant of large tracts of waste lands, and in the lease of large tracts of land formerly belonging to the order of Jesuits ; by John Stewart, an executive councillor, com- missioner of the Jesuits' estates, and the incumbent of other lucrative offices : all of whom are placed by their pecuniary and personal interests, under the influence of the executive; and by the honourable George Moifat, Peter M'Gill, John Molson, Horatio Gates, Robert Jones, and James Baxter, all of whom, as well as those before mentioned, were, with two exceptions, born out of the country, and ail of whom, except one, who for a number of years was a member of the assembly, and has extensive landed property, are but slightly qiiniiGcd in that respect, and had not been sufficiently engaged in public life to alYord a presumption that they were fit to perform the functions of legislators for life ; and by Antoine Gaspard Couillard, the only native of the country, of French origin, who stooped to concur in the address, and who also had never been engaged in public life, and is but very moderately qualified with respect to real property, and who, after his appointment S32 TUB BUBBLES iM to the oounril, and bcrorc llic said 1st of April, rendered himself dependent on the cxcculivR by 8i)lici(inK u paltry and siibordlnnic place of profit. 35. Hc«()lvcd, That the snid addrcsg, voted by seven councillors, under the in- fluence uf the present head of the executive, and by Ave others or his appointment (one only ol' ihe sii others who voted it, the Hon. Oeori^c MutTat, having been appointed under his predecessor) is the worit of the present administration of this province, the expression of its sentiments, the liey to its acts, and the proclamation of its iniquilous and arbitrary principles, which are to form its rule uf conduct for the future. 30. llesolved, That the said oddress is not less injurious to the small number of members of the legislolivc council who ore independent, and attached to the interests und tionour of the country, who have been members of lite Assembly, and are known as having partoken its opinions and seconded its efforts, to obtoin for it the entire control and disposal of the public revenue ; as having approved the whole- some, constitulionni, und not, as styled by the council, the daring steps taken by this house of praying by address to his Majesty that the legislative council might be rendered elective ; us condemning a scheme for the creation of an extensive mdno- poly of lunds in favour of speculators residing out of the country ; as believing that they could not have been appointed to the council with a view to increase the con- stitutional weight and eflicacy of that) body, in which they find themselves opposed to a majority hoslilo (o their principles and their country ; as believing that the in- terests und wishes of the people are faithfully represented by their representatives, and that the connexion between this country and the parent state will be durable in proportion to the direct influence exercised by the people in (he enactment of laws adapted to insure their welfare ; and us being of opinion, that his Majesty's subjects recently settled in this country will share in all the advantages of the free insti- tutions and of the improvements which would be rapidly developed, if, by means of the extension of the elective system, tha administration were prevented from creating u monopoly of power and profit in favour of the minority who are of one origin, and to the prejudice of the other, who are of another, and from buying, cor- rupting, and exciting a portion of this minority in such a manner as to give to all discussions of local interest the alarming character of strife and national antipathy ; and that the independent members of the legislative council, indubitably convinced of the tendency of that body, and undeceived as to the motives which led to their appointment as members of it, now refrain from attending the sittings of the said council, in which they despair of being able to efTect any thing for the good of their country. 37. Resolved, 'Hiat the political world in Europe is at this moment agitated by two great parties, who hi different countries appear under the several names of seri'iles, royalists, lories and conservatives on the one side, and of liberals, con' stitutionals, republicans, whiffs, reformers, radicals and siinilar appell\nons on the other; that the former party is, on this continent, ivilhoiU any W( yht or in- fluence except what it derives from its European supporters, and fro, n a trifling number of persons who become their dependents for the sake of personal gain, and from others, who from aye or habits cling to opinions which are not partaken by any numerous class ; while the second party overspreads all America. And that the colonial secretary is mistaken if he believes that the exclusion of a few salaried officers from the legislative council could suffice to make it harmonise with the wants, wishes and opinitms of the people, as long as the colonial governors retain the power of preserving in it a majority of members rendered servile by their antipa- thy to every liberal idea. 38. Resolved, That this vicious system, which has been carefully maintained, has given to the legislative council a greater character of animosity to the country than it had at any former period, and is as contrary to the wishes of parliament, as that wiiich, in order to resist the wishes of the people of England for the par- liamentary reform, should have called into the House of Lords a number of men notorious for their factious and violent opposition to that great measure. 39. Resolved, That the legislative council, representing merely the personal OF CANi^DA. t5l sndent on the inder the tn- appolnlment having been ration uf this proclamation if conduct for small number Inched to the Issembly, and 9 obtain for it red the whole- iieps talien by uncil might be tensive mdno- believing that reaso the con- selves opposed iig that the in- spresentatives, be durable in ctment of laws jesty's subjects ihc free insti- , If, by means irevented from vho are of one n buying, cor- s to give to all nal antipathy ; ably convinced ch led to their ngs of the said le good of their )mcnt agitated leral names of '"liberals, con' rppcU'Mons on I wf ght or in- fro.n a trifling onal gain, and at partaken by tea. And that a few salaried with the nants, ioi's retain the >y their antipa- lly maintained, to the country of parliament, nd for the par- number of men isurc. y the jiersonal opfniont of certain memberi of a body no strongly arntsed at rt reeent period by the people of this province, and so justly censured by the report qflhc rotnmittee qf the House qf Commons, is not an authority competent to dematiil alterations in the eonstitutional Act qflhe 31 st Qeo, 3, r. 31, and that the said act ouf/hl not to be and cannot be altered, except at such time and in such mannei' as may be wished by the people qf this province, whose sentiments this house is alorw competent 1o represent; that no interference on the part qf the Brilish legislature with the laws and constitution of this province, which should not be founded on the wishes qf the people, freely expressed either through this house, or in any other constitu* tional manner, could in any wise tend to settle any of the difficulties which exist in this province, but on the contrary, would only aggravate them and prolong their continuance. 40. Resolved, That this House expects from the justice qfthe parliament qflhe United Kingdom, that no measure of the nature aforesaid, founded on the false re- presentations of the legislative council and qf the members and tools of the colo^ nial administration, all interested in perpetuating existing abuses, will be adopted to the prejudice of the rights, liberties and welfare of the people of this province ; but that on the contrary, .the Imptrial Legislature will comply with the wishes qf the people and of this house, and will provide the most effectual remedy for all evils present and future, either by rendering the legislative council elective, in the manner mentioned in the Address of this house to his most gracious Majesty, qf the 20/A March 183S, or by enabling the people to express still more directly their opinions as to the measures to be adopted in that behalf, and with regard to such other modifications of the constitxdion as the wants of the people and the interest of his Majesty's government in the province may require , and that this house perse^ veres in the said Address. 41. Resolved, That his Majesty's secretary of state for the colonial department has acltnowledged in his despatches, that it has frcqucnily been admitted that the people of Canada ought to see nothing in the institutions of the neighbouring states which they could regard with envy, and that he has yet to learn that any such feeling now exists among his Majesty's subjects in Canada : to which this house answers, that the neighbouring States have a form of government very flt to prevent abuses of power, and very effective in repressing them ; that the reverse of this order of things has always prevailed in Canada under the present form of government ; that there exists in the neighbouring States a stronger and more ge« nerai attachment tj the national institutions than in any other country, and that there exists olso in those States a guarantee for the progressive advance of their political institutions towards perfection, in the revision of the same at short and determinate intervals, by conventions of the people, in order that they may, with- out any shock or violence, be adapted to the actual state of tilings. 42. Resolved, That it was in consequence of a correct idea of the state of the country and of society generally in America, that the committee of the House of Commons aslied, wliether there was not in the two Cauadas a growing inclination to sec the institutions become more and more popular, and in that respect more and more like those of the United States ; and that John Neilsun, Esq., one of the agents sent from this country, answered, that the fondness for popular institutions had made great progress in the two Canadas ; and that the same agent was asked, whether he did not think that it would be wise that the object uf every change made in the institutions of the province should be to comply more and more with the wishes of the people, and to render the said institutions extremely popular : to which question this house, for and in the name of the people whom it represents, answers, solemnly and deliberately, ' Yes, ilwould be wise; it would be excellent.' 43. Resolved, That the constitution and form of government which would best suit this colony are not to be sought solely in the analogies ofl'ered by the institu- tions of Great Britain, where the state of society is altogetiier diiTereitt from our own ; and that it would be wise to turn to proGl by the information to be gained by observing the effects produced by the diirerent and inGnilely varied constitu- tions which the kings and parliament of England have granted to the several 93 354 THE BUBBLES I plantations and colonies in America, and by studying the vay in \vhich virtaous and cnligittened men have modiQed -such colonial institutions, when it could be done with the assent of the parties interested. 44. Resolved, That (he unanimous consent with ^hich all tlie American states have adoplcJ and extended the elective system, shows that it is adapted to the wishes, manners, and social state of the inhabitants of this continent ; that tfiid system prevails equally among those of British and those or Spanish origin, although the latter, during the continuance of their colonial state had been under the cala- mitous yoke or ignorance and absolutism ; and that we do not hesitate to ask Trom a prince of the house of Briinsv.ick, and a reformed parliament, all the freedom and political powers which the princes of the House of Stuart and their parliament granted to the most favoured of tiie plantations formed at a period when such grants must have been less favourably regarded than they would now be. 43. llosolved, That it was not the best and most feee systems of colonial go- vernmcnl which tended most to hasten the independence of the old English colo- nies ; since the province of New York, in which the institutions were most monardiical in the sense which that word appears lo bear in the despatch of the colotiial :;ecni!ary, was the first !o refuse obedience to an act of the Parlia- ment of Great lirilnin : f.iid that Hie colonies of Connecticut and Rhode Island, which, though chscly and alieclionalcly connected with the mother country for a long course of years, enjoyed conslilutions purely democratic, were the last to enter into a confederation reiulcred necessary by the conduct of bad servants of the Crown, who called in the supreme aulliorily of the parliament aud the British consliiulion to aid lliom to gnvern arbitrarily, listening rather to the governors and their advisers than to the people and their representatives, and shielding with their protection those who coiisununl llie taxes rather than those who paid them. 40. Resolved, Thiil with a view to the introduction of whatever the inslitulions of the neii^hboiiring Stales olVered that was good and aiiplicable to the slate of the province, this honso had among oilier measures passed during many years, a bill founded on the principle oi' pniporlionin;; arilhn:elicallj the number of represen- tatives to the populace of each place represcnied ; and thai if, by the pressure of circumstances and the urgent ncccssily which existed that the number of repre- sentatives should be increased, it h.is been compelled to assent to amendments which \iolate thai principle, by giving to eouiUies containing a population of little more thiiii 'lOOO souls, the same number of representatives as to several others of which H'O population is five tiru:s as great, this dispropor;ion is. m the opinion of thi. house, an act of iiijuslice, for which it ouiihl lo seek a iTiiicdy : and that in new countries where the piipuialion increases rnpidly, and te ids to create new settlements, il is wise and equiiahle llial by a freciucnl and periodical census, such increase ami the manner in wiiic'i il is dislrihuled should he ascerlnined, princi- pally for the purpose of setUing the represcnlalion of Ihe province on an equitable basis. 47. Resolved, Thai the (idoliiy of liii' people and llie protection of the govern- ment are co-re'.ative obligalions, of whidi the one cannot long subsist without Ihe other ; that by reason of the defects which exist in the laws and constituticm of this province, and of the matiner in which '.hose laws and that constitution have been ad- ministered, i!ie people of tliis pro\ince are not sudicicnlly protecled in Iheir lives, their projierty, and their honour ; and that the long scries of acts of injustice and oppression of which they have lo coinpiain, have increased with alarming rapidity in violence .-md in nnmher uiuicr the present adminisiration. 48. R"-.olvcd, riial in the midst of these disorders and sulVeriugs, this house and the people whom il represents, had always cherished the hope and expressed their I'ailli tlmi his Majesty's govcrnmenl in lingland did not knowingly and wil- fully parlicipaie in the political ininioralily cd' its colonial agents and oUicers ; and that il is with aslonishmen! and grief that they have seen in the extract from the despiitches of the colnnial sec.etary, eomuuiuicaied to this house by the governor- in-chief, during the preseul session, that one at leas! of the members of his iMajesly's governmenl enleriains towards them feelings of prejudice and animosity, "iil in- OF CANADA. 355 ich virtuous 1 it could be erican states lapted to the It ; that liiii in, although ier the cala- [0 ask from a rreedom and ' parliament I when such be. colonial go- nglish colo- i were most despatch oi the Farlia- lode Island, ounlry for a last to enter irants of (he the Brilish e governors iciding with paid them. insliluUons : slate of the years, a bill jf represcn- prossure of r of ropre- rnendnients iun of Utile oral others the opinion : tind that create new .'HSllS, SlICll lmI, princi- n cquUabic lie Kovcrn- Ailliout the lion of (his ve boon ad- hcir lives, iislicc and ig rapidity Ibis house expressed and wii- icers ; and t from the Kovernor- iMajcsty's jf, Mr! in- clinei to favour plans of oppression and revenge, ill adapted to change a system of abuses, the continuance of which would altogether discourage the people, extin- guish in them the legitimate hope of happiness which, as British subjects, they entertained, and would leave them only the hard alternative of submitting to an ignominious bondage, or of seeing those ties endangered which unite them to the mother country. 49. Resolved, That this bouse and the people, whom it represents, do not wish or Intend to convey any threat ; but that, relying, as they do, upon the principles of law and justice, they are, and ought to be, polititally strong enough not to be exposed to receive insult from any man whomsoever, or bound to suiFer it in silence, that the style of the said extracts from the despatches of the colonial secre- tary, as communicated to this house, is insulting and inconsiderate to such a degree that no legally constituted body, altbnugh its functions were inGnitely sub- ordinate to those of legislation, could or ought to tolera's^ (hem; that no similar example can be found, even in the despatches of those oi his predecessors in office, least favourable to the rights of the colonies ; that the tenor of (he said despatches is incompatible with the rights and privileges of this house, which ought not to be called in question ordeOnedby the colonial secretary, but which, as occasion may require, will be successively promulgated and enforced by this house. 50. Resolved, That with regard to the following expressions in one of the said despatches, ' Siiould events unhappily force upon parliament the exercise of its supreme authority, to compose the internal dissensions of the colonies, it would be my object and my duty, as a servant of the crown, to submit to parliament such modifications uf the charter of the Canadas as should tend, not to the introduction of institutions consi'^lent with monarchical government, l)ut to maintaining and strengthening the connexion with the mother country, by a close adherence to the spirit of the British constitution, and by ,Mcsorving in their proper place and within their due limits the mutual rights and privileges of all classes of his IVLi- jesty's subjects ;' — if they are to be understood as containing a threat to introduce into the constitution any other modiOcalions than such as arc asked for by the majority of the people of this province, whose sentiments cannot l»e legitimately expressed by any other authority than its representatives, this house ^vould esteem itself wanting in candour to the people of England, if it hesitated to call their at- tention to the fact, that in less than twenty years (he population of the United States of America will be as ^re;;' or greater than that of (ireal Britain, and that of Briiisli America will be a- grcut or greater than that of the former English colonies was when the laMcr 'Icenied that the time wcs conic to decide that the inappreciable advantage nf ,overning themselves instead of being governed, ought to engage ibcm to repudiate a system of colonial governniont which was, generally speaking, much better than that of Brilish America now IS. 51. Resolved, That the approbation expressed by the colonial secretary, in his said despatch, of the present composition of the legislative council, whose acts, since its pretended reform, have been marked by party spirit and by invidious national distinctions and preferences, is a subject in general of just alarm I his Miijesty's Canadian subjects in general, and more particularly to the great majority of them, who have not yielded at any time to any ether class of the inhabitants of this province in their attachment to his Majesty's government, in their love of peace and order, in respect tor the laws, and in their wish to effect that union among the whole people which is so much to be desired, to the end that all may enjoy freely and equally the rights and advantages of Brilish subjects, and of the institutions which have been guaranteed to and are dear to the country ; that the distinctions and preferences aforesaid have almost constantly been used and taken advantage of by tliecolonibits, manners, and customs of the great majority of its inhabitants. 53. Resolved, That our fellow-subjects of British origin, in this province, came to settle themselves in a country, 'the inhabitants whereof, professing the religion of the church of Rome, enjoyed an eslabh-hed form of constitution and system of laws, by which their persons and their property had been protected, governed, and ordered during a long scries oi years, from the first establishment of the pro- vince of Canada ; ' that prompted by these considerations and guided by the rules of justice and of the law of i:ntions, the British parliament enacted that, ' in all matters of controversy, relative to property and civil rights, resort should be had to the laws of Canada ;' that when parliament afterwards deparled from the prin- ciple thus recognised, flrstly, by the introduction of the English criminal law, and afterwards by that of the rcpresenlalivc system, with all the constitution and par- liamentary law necessary to its perfect action, it did so in conformity to the sulTi- cienlly expressed wish of the Canadian people ; and that every attempt on the part of public fuiicliouarlcs or of oilier persons (who on coming losellle in the province, made (heir condition their own voluntary act) against the existence of any portion of the laws and institutions peculiar to the country, and any preponderance given to such persons in the legislative and executive councils, in the courts of law, or in other departments, are contrary to the engagements of the British parliament, and to the rights guaranteed to his ftlajesty's Canadian subjecis, on the faith of the national honour of England on that of capitulations and treaties. 34. Resolved, That any combination, whether ell'ecled by means of acts of the British parliament, obtained in contravention to its form erengagements, or by means of the partial and corrupt administration of the present constitution and system of law, would be a violation of those rights, and would, as long as it should exist, he obeyed by the people, from motives of fear and constraint, and not from choice and affection ; that the conduct of the colonial administrations, and of their agents and instruments in this colony, has, for the most part, been of a nature unjustly to create apprehensions as to the views of the people and government of the mother country, and to endmger the confidence and content of the inhabi- tants of this province, which can only be secured by equal laws, and by Ihe observ- ance of c(;ual justice, as the rule of conduct in all the departments of the govern- ment. 55. Resolved, That whether Ihe number of that class of his Majesty's subjects in this province, who are of British origin, be thai mentioned in Ihe said address of the legislative council, or wheilii'i- (as the trulh i?) it amounts to less than half that number, Ihe wishes and interests of the great majority of them are common to them and lo tiieir foilow-subjecis of I'lench origin, and speaking Ihe French language; that the one class love the counlry of their birth, Ihc^tlier Ihal of their adoption ; that the greale: portion of the latter have acknowledged the generally beneficial tendency of the laws and iiisli'utions of the country, and have laboured in concert with the former to introduce into them gradually, and by Ihe authority of the pro- vincial pariiarncnt, ihe nnprovemenis of which they have, from lime to time, appeared susceptible, and have resisted Ihe confusion which it has been endeavoured OP CANADA. 357 he choice B French for exclu- liis house it, and to Its of this dive from regard to ences, in s now the nd of the lion of its us, and of rily of its ice, came ic religion system of governei], iC the pro- y the rules ut, ' in all lid he had 1 the prin- 1 law, and 1 and par- Ihe sulli- in the part [• province, ny portion ance given of law, or arliament, he faith of acts of the ;nts, or by ution and s it should not from nd of their if a nature rnment of e inliabl- e ol)serv- e govern- tubjccts in Llcircss of J) half that In to them lansuage; jadoption ; Ihenelicial jn concert |f the pro- to time, keavoured to introduce into them, in favour of schemes of monopoly and abuse, and that all without distin'^lion wish anxiously for an imparl iai and protecting government. 5fi. Ilesolved, That in addition to administrnlive and judicial abuses, which have had an injurious effect upon the public welfare and coiifitlcnce, altempts have been made, from lir.ie, to induce the parliament of the United KingUui.i, by deceiving its juftice and abusing its benevolent intentions, to adopt nici'.sures calculated to bripj4J.boul combinations of the nature above-mentioned, and to pass acts of internal legislation for this province, having the same lemlency, and with regard to which, the people of the country had not been consulted; that, unhappily, the attempts to obtain the passing of some of these measures were successful, especially that of the act of the 6 Heo. 4, c. 5^», commonly called the ' Tenures Act, ' the repeal of which was unanimously demanded by all classes of the people, without distinction, through their reprcsentalives, a very short time after the number of the latter was increased ; and that this bouse has not yet been able to obtain from his Miijesty's representative in this province, or from any other source, any information as to the views of his Majesty's government in England, with regard to the repeal of the said act. 57. Resolved, That the object of the said act was, according to the benevolent intentions of parliament, and as the title of the act sets forth, the extinction of feudal ari'l seigniorial rights and dues on land held rn fief and a tens in this pro- vince, with the intention of favouring the great body of the inhabilanis of the country, and protecting them against the said dues, which were regarded as burdensome ; but that the provisions of the said act, far from having (he effect aforesaid, afford facilities for seigniors to become, in opposition to the interest of thcii censilaircs, the absolute proprietors of the extensive tracts of unconceded ■■iiM'.i which, by the law ol' tiie country, they held only for the benefit of the in- habitants thereof, to whom i^ y were bound to concede Ihcm in consideration of certain limited dues; that the said act, if generally acted upon, would shut out the mass of the permanent inhabitants of the country from the vacant lands in the seigniories, whi'-, at the same lime, they have been conslanlly prevented from settling on the waste lands of the crown on easy and liberal terms, and under a tenure adapted to the laws of the country, by the partial, secret, and vicious manner in wiiich the crown land department has been managed, and the provisions of the act aforesaid, with regard to the laws applicable to the lands in question; and that the application made by certain seigniors for a change of tenure, under the au- thority of the said act, appear to prove the correctness of the view this house has taken of its practical effect. 58. Resolved, That it was only in consequence of an erroneous supposition that feudal charges were inherent in the law of this country, as far as the possession and transmission of real property, and the tenures recognized by thai law, were concerned, that it was enacted in the said act that the lands, with regard to which a change of tenure should be effected, should thereafter be held under the tenure of free and common soccagc ; that the seigniorial charges have been found burden- some in certain cases, chiefly by reason of the want of adequate means of oblalning the interfence of the colonial government and of the courts of law, to enforce the ancient law of the country in that behalf, and that the provincial legislature was, moreover, fully competent to pass laws, providing for the redemption of the said charges in a manner which should be in accordance with the interests of all par- lies, and for the introduction of the free tenures recognized by the laws of the country; that the House of Assembly has been repeatedly occupied, and now is occupied, about this important subject ; but that the said Tenures Act, insufficient of itself to effect equitably the purpose for which it was passed, is of a nature to embarrass and create obstacles to the effectual measures which the legislature of the country, with a full knowledge of the subject, might be disposed to adopt ; ond that the applicjilion thus made fto the exclusion of the provincial legislature) to the pnrlian)enl of the United Kingdom, which was far less competent to make equitable enactments on a subject so complicated in its nature, could only have been made with a view to unlawful speculations and the subversion of the laws of the countryt m i I' 358 THE BUBBLES 59. Resolved, That independently of Us many other serious imperfections, the said act docs not appear !o have been founded on a siifliiient knowlcrffje of the laws vihifh govern persons and properly in Ihis country, when it declares the laws of Great Britain to be applicable to certain incidents to real property therein enu- merated ; and that it has only served to augment the confusion and doubt which had prevailed in the courts of law, and in private transactions with regard to the law which applied to lands previously granted in free and common soccage. 60. Resolved, That the provision of the said act which has excited the greatest alarm, and which is most at variance with the rights of the people of the country, and with those of the provincial parliament, is that which enacts that lands pre- viously held en Jiff ox en ccmine shall, aflci i change of tenure shall have been elFected with regard to them, be held in free tnd common soccage, and thereby become subject to the laws of (Jreat Britain, under the several circumstances therein mentioned and enumerated ; that bcides being insulTicient in itself, this provision is of a nature to bring into collision, in the old settlements, at multi- plied points of contiguity, two opposite systems of laws, one of which is entirely unknown to this country, in which it is impossible to carry it into effect ; that from the feeling manifested by the colonial authorities and their partisans towards the inhabitants of the country, the latter have just reason to fear that the enactment in question is only the prelude to the Gnal subversion, by acts of parliament of Great Britain, fraudulently obtained in violation of its former engagements, of the system of laws by which the persons and properly of the people of this province were so long happily governed. 61. Resolved, That the inhabitants of this country have just reason to fear that the claims made to the properly of the seminary of St. Sulpice, at Montreal, are attributable to the desire of the colonial administration, and its agents and tools, to hasten this deplorable slate of things ; and that his Majesty's government in England would, by reassuring his laithful subjects on this point, dissipate the alarm felt by the clergy, and by the whole people without distinction, and merit their sincere gratitude. 62. Resolved, That it is the duty of this house to persist in asking for the abso- lute repeal of the said tenures act, and until such repeal shall he effected, to propose to the other branches of the provincial parliament such measures as may be adapted to weaken the pernicious effects of the said act. 63. That this house has learned with regret, from one of the said despatches of the colonial secretary, that his i\Iajesty has been advised to interfere in a matter which concerns the privileges of this house : that in the case there alluded to, this house exercised a privilege solemnly established by the House of Commons, before the principle on which it rests became the law of the land ; that this privilege is essential to the independence of this house, and to the freedom of ils votes and proceedings; that the resolutions passed by this house, on the 15lh of February 1831, are constitutional and well-founded, and are supported by the example of the commons of Great Britain ; that this house has repeatedly passed bills lor giving etTect to the said principle, but that these bills failed to become law, at first from the obstacles opposed to them in another branch of the provincial legislature, and subsequently by reason of the reservation of the Inst of the said bills for the sigui- fication of his 31ajesly's pleasure in England, whence it has not yet been sent back ; that until some bill to the same elfect shall become law, this house persists in the said resolutions ; and that the refusal of his excellency, the present governor- in-chief, to sign a writ for the election of a knight representative for the county of Montreal, in the place of Dominique Mondelet, Esq., whose seat had been de- clared vacant, is a grievance of which this house is entitled to obtain the redress, and one which would alone have sulliced to put an end to all intercourse between it and the colonial executive, if the circumstances of the country had not offered a infinite number of other abuses and grievances against which it is urgently neces- sary to remonstrate. 64. Resolved, That the claims which have for mani/ years been set up by the executive yoveimwcnt to that control over and power of appropriating a great OF CANADA. 3S9 itiuns, the rff!e of the es (he laws erein enu- lubl which ard to the ige. tie greatest le country, antis pre- have been lid thereby cumslances itself, this , at multi- is entirely effect; that ins towards ! enactment rliament of ents, of the lis province to fear that ontreal, are Is and tools, rernmcnt in lissipate the , and merit or the abso- rffccted, to ires as may cspatches of in a matter ded to, this ions, before privilege is ts votes and of February example of s lor giving at Urst from latiire, and orthesigrii- been sent )use persists nt governor- Ihe county ad been de- ihe redress, rse between lot offered a ently neces- et tip by the ing a. firral portion of the revenues levied in this provhicr, which belong oj right to this house, arc contrary to the rights and to the constitution of the country ; ami that with re- gardtothe said claims, this house persists in the declarations it has hrrctojorc made, 65. Resolved, That the said claims of the executive have been vague and varying ; that the documents relative to the said cluims, and the accounts und estimates of expei>ses laid before this house have likewise been varying and irregular, and in- sufTicicnl to enable this house lo proceed with a lull understanding of the subject or the matters to which 'hey related ; that important heads of the publi;; revenue of the province, collected either under the provisions of the law or under arbitrary regulations made by the executive, have been omitted in the said accounts ; that numerous items have been paid out of the public revenue without the authority of this house, or any acknowledaniput of its control over them, as salaries for sinecure offices, which are not recognized by this hoiise, and even for other objects for which, after mature deliberation, it had not deemed it expedient to appropriate any por- tion of the public revenue: and that no accounts of the sums so expended have been laid before this house. 66. Resolved, Tltat the executive govcrmncnt hay cmUavourrd, by means of the arbitrary regulations aforesaid, and particularly by the sale of the irasle lands of the Crown, and of the timber on the same, to create for itself out of the revenue which this house only has the right of appropriating, resources indcpen- dent of the control of Ihc rvpresrnlatives of the people; and that the result has been a diminution of the wholesome injluence which the people have constitutionally the right of exercising over the administrative branch of the governnwut, and over the spirit and tendency of its measures. 07. Resolved, That this house having, from time to lime, with a view to proceed by bill-, to restore regularity to the financial sjstem of the province, and to provide for the expensesoflhe administration of justice and of his Majesty's civil government therein, asked the provincial governmenl by address for divers documents and ac- counts relating lo financial matters, and to abuses connected with Ihcm, has met with repeated refusals, more especially during the present session and the pce- ceding one; that divers subordinate public functionaries, summoned to ap|)ear before committees of this house to give information on the said subject, have refused do so in pursuance of tiie said claim set up by the provincial administrations lo with- draw a large portion of the public income and expenditure from the control and even from the knowledge of lliis house ; that during llie present session one of Ihe said subordinate functionaries of Ihe execulive being called upon to produce the originals of sundry registers of warrants and reports, which it was important to this house lo cause lo be examined, insisted on being present at the deliberations of the committee appointed by the house for that purpose ; and that Ihe head of the administration being informed of the fact, rclraiued from inlerl'ering, allhuugh in conformity lo parliamentary usage, this house had pledged itself that the said do- cuments should be returned, and although the governor- in-chief had himself pro- mised communication of ihem. 68. Resolved, That the result of the secret and unlawful distribution of a large porlion of the public revenue of the province has been, thai the executive govern- ment has always, except with regard to appropriations for objcels of a local nature, considered ilself bound lo account for the public money to Ihe lords commissioners of the treasury in England, and not to this house, nor according lo its votes, or even in conformity to the laws passed by the ptovincial legislature; and that the accounts and statements laid before this house from time to lime have never as- sumed the shape of a regular system of balanced accounts, but have been drawn up, one after another, with such alterations and irregularities as it pleased the admi- nistration of Ihe day lo introduce into tlieai, lium the accounts kept with the lords of the treasury, in which the whole public money received was included, as well as all the items of expenditure, whether authorized or unauthorized by the provincial legislature. (■)•.>. Resolved, That the pretensions and abuses aforesaid have taken away from r 1 i: '% ..' ■ t ',ti i if .it; m 300 THE BUBBLES m this house even the shadow or control over the public revenue of the province, and have rendered it impossible Tor it to ascertain at any time the amount or revenue collected, the disposable amount or the same, and the sums required for the public service ; and that the house having during many years passed bills, of which the modt>ls are to be found in the statute-book of Great Britain, to establish a regular system of accountability and responsibility in the department connected with the receipt and expenditure of the revenue ; these bills have failed in the legislative council. 70. Resolved, That since the last session of the provincial parliament, the governor-in-chief of this province, and the members of his executive government, relying en the pretensions above-mentioned, have, without any lawful authority, paid large sums out of the public revenue, subject to the control of this liouse ; and that the said sums were divided according to their pleasure, and even in contra- diction to the votes of this house, as incorporated in the supply bill passed by it during the last session, and rejected by the legislative council. 71. Resolved, (hat this house will hold responsible for all monies which have been, or may hercaiicr be paid, otherwise than under the authority of an act of the legislature, or upon an address of this house, out of the public revenue of the province, all those who may have authorized such payments, or participated therein, unliilhcsaid sums shall have been reimbursed, or a bill or bills of indemnity freely passed l)y this house shall have become law. 72. Resolved, That the course adopted by Ibis house in the supply bill, passed during (he last session, of attaching certain conditions to certain votes, for the pur- pose of preventing the accumulation of incompatible offices in the same persons, and of obtaining ttie redress of certain abuses and grievances, is wise and constitu- tional, and has frequently been adopted by the House of Commons, under analogous circumstances : and that if the Commons of England do not now so frequently recur to it, it is because they have happily obtained the entire control of the revenue of the nation, and because respect shewn to their opinions with regard to the redress of grievances and abuses, by the other constituted authorities, has regulated the working of the constitution in a manner equally adapted to give stability to his Majesty's government, and to protect the interests of the people. 73. Resolved, That it was anciently the practice of the House of Commons to withhold supplies until grievances were redressed ; and that in following this course in the present conjuncture, we are warranted in our proceeding, as well by the must approved precedents, as by the spirit of the constitution itself. 74. Resolved, That if hereafter, when the redress of ail grievances and abuses shall have been elTected, this house shall deem it fit and expedient to grant supplies, it ought not to do so otherwise than in the manner mentioned in its fifth and sixth resolutions of the IGlh March 1833, and by appropriating by its votes in an espe- cial manner, and in the order in which they are enumerated in the said resolutions, the lull atnouiil of those heads of revenue, to the right of appropriating which claims have been set up by the executive government. 75. Resolved, That the number of the inhabitants of the country being about 600,000; those of French origin are about 525,000, and those of British or other origin 75,000 ; and that the establishment of the civil government of Lower Ca- nada for the year 1832, according to the yearly returns made by the provincial administration, for the information of the British parliament, contained the names of 157 officers and others eceiving salaries, who are apparently of British or foreign origin, and the names of 4 7 who are apparently natives of the country, of French origin -. that this statement does not exhibit the whole disproportion which exists in the distribution of the public money and power, the latter class being for the most part appointed to the inferior and less lucrative offices, and most frequently only obtaining even these by becoming the dependants of those who hold the higher and more lucrative offices ; that the accumulation of many of the best paid and most influential, and at the same time incompatible offices, in the same person, which is forbidden by the laws and by sound policy, exists especially for the benefit of the OF CANADA. S61 province, and ml or revenue for the public , of which the )li8h a regular !cled with the the legislative arliament, the e government, vTuI authority, lis house ; and ven in contra- ill passed by it es which have )f an act of the evenue of the ipatedtlierein, demnily freely )ly bill, passed s, for the pur- same persons, cand constitu- (ider analogous equently recur of the revenue regard to the has regulated stability to his f Commons to ing this course as well by the CCS and abuses ;ranl supplies, fifth and sixth tes in an cspc- id resolutions, iriating which being about Iritish or other of Lower Ca- the provincial led the names tish or foreign try, of French n which exists being for the lost frequently lold the higher paid and most person, which B benefit of the former class ; and that two-thirds of the persons included in the last commission of the peace issued in the province are apparently of British or foreign origin, and one-third only of French origin. 76. Resolved, That this partial and abusive practice of bestowing the great majority of ofEcial places in the province on those only who arc least connected with its permanent interests, and with the mass of its inhabitants, had been most espe- cially remarkable in the judicial department, the judges for the three great districts having, with the exception of one only in each, been systematically chosen from that class of persons, who, being born outofthe country, arc the least versed in its laws, and in the language and usages of the majority of its inhabitants; that the result of their intermeddling in the politics of the country, of liieir connexion with the mem- bers of the Colonial administration, and of their prejudices in favour of institutions foreign to and at variance with those of the country, is that the majority of the said judges have introduced great irregularity into the general sysleni of our jurispru- dence, by neglecting to ground iheir decisions on its recognised principles ; and that the claim laid by the said jiulgcs to (he power of regulating the forms of legal proceedings in a manner contrary to the laws, and without the interference of the legislature, has frequently been cxlcndod to the i'undainchlal rules of the law and of practice; and that in consequence of the same sysleni, the administration of the criminal law is partial and uncertain, and such as to afford but little protection to the subject, and has failed to inspire that conlidence which ought to be its insepa* rable companion. 77. Resolved, That in consequence of their connection with the members of the provincial administrations, and of their antipathy to the country, some of the said judges have, in violation of the laws, attempted to abolish the use in the courts of law of the language spoken by the majority of the inhabitants of the country, which is necessary to the free action of the laws, and forms a portion of the usages guaranteed to them in the mos? solemn manner by the law of nations and by the statutes of the British Parliament. 78. Resolved, That sonic of the said judges, through partiality for political pur- poses, and in violation of the criminal law of England as established in this country, of their duty, and their oath, have connived with divers law oflicers of the crcwn, acting in the interest of the provincial administration, to allow the latter to engross and monopolize all criminal prosecutions of what nature soever, without allow ing the private prosecutor to intervene or be lieard, or any advocate to express his opinion amicus ruricp, when the Crown oflicers opposed it ; that in consequence of this, numerous prosecutions of a political n;!.. ••e Iiave I'ccn brought into the courts of law by the Crown oflicers against those whoso opinions were unfavourable to the administration for the time being ; while it was impossible for the very nu- merous class of his Majesty's subjects to which the latter belonged to commence with the slightest confidence any prosecution against those who, being protected by the administration, and having countenanced its acts of violence, had been guilty of crimes or misdemeanors; that the tribunal aforesaid have, as far as the persons composing them are concerned, undergone no modification whatever, and inspire the same fears for the future. 79. Resolved, That this house, as representing the people of this province, possesses of right, and has exercised within this province when occasion has re- quired it, all the powers, privileges, and immunities claimed and possessed by the Commons house of Parliament in the kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. 80. Resolved, That it is one of the undoubted nrivileges of this house to send for all persons, papers, and records, and to command the attendance of all persons, civil or military, resident within the province, as witnesses in all investigations which this house may deem it expedient to institute ; and to require such witnesses to produce all papers and records in their keeping, whenever it shall deem it con- ducive to the public good to do so. 81. Resolved, That as at the grand inquest of the province, it is the duly of this house to inquire concerning all grievances, and all circumstances which may endanger the general welfare of the inhabitants of the province, or bo of a li . ' i ■ 36-2 THB BUBBLES nature to excite alarm in tliem with regard tu tlieir lives, (heir liberty, and their properly, to liie end Ihnl siicii represeiilalioiis may be made to our most gracious Sovereign, or siicli logislalivc tiicasnics introduced, as may lead to the redress of such grievances, or lend to allay sucli alarm ; anil that far from having a right to impede the exercise of these rights and pri\ilcge8, the governor-in-chief is deputed by his Sovereign, is invested with great powers, and receives a large salary, as much for delenditig the ri^-hls of the sul)ject and facilitating the exercise of the privileges of this !iou>e and of nil constituted hudies, as for maintaining the prero- gatives of the cru\vn. H2. Ucsolved, That since the commencement of the present session, a great nnni!)er of petitions relatiug lo the iiitiiiile variety of objects connected with the public welfare, have been presented lolliis house, and many messages and important connnuiiiculions received by ii, l)otIi Irom iiis iMajeiity's government in England and from his Majesty's pio\incial gu\ernineul; that many bills have been introduced in this house, and many iuipoilanl iu(|uiries ordered by it, in several of which the governor- in- chief is personally and deeply implicated; thattlie said petitions from our constituents, llie people of all parts cf this province; the said communications from his Majesly's government in lingland and from the provincial government; the said bills already introduced or in preparation; the i^alti h!!;<.!l:ies commenced and iulended to be (i;!!g(ii!ly prosecuted, may andnuiPt necessitate the presence of numerous witnesses, the ;,roduclioH of numerous japers, the employment of numerous clerks, messengers, and assislams, ariu much printing, and lead to in- evitable and daily disbursements, forming the contingent expenses of this house. 83. Resolved, Ihal from thu year l70-i to the present, advances had constantly been maiie lo meet these expeusis, on addresses similar lo that presented this year Ity this house td the governor in-chief, according to the practice adopted by the House of Commons; that an address of this liind is the most solemn vote of credit whicli litis house can pass, and that almost the whole amount of the sum exceeding 277,000/. iuis been advanced on such votes by the predecessors of his excellency the governor-iu-ctilef, and by himself (as he acknowledges by his message on the I8th January 18*31), \^itii(iul any risk liaving ever been incurred by any other governor on actouul of any sucli advance, although several of them have had dilTerences, attended liy violeucc and injustice on ///tvV part, with the house of assembly, and without their apprelieuding tliat the then next parliament would not be disposed to make good the engagements of the house of assembly for the time being; and that this refusal of the governor- in-cliief, in the present instance, es- sentially impedes the dispatch of the business lor which the parliament was called together, is derogatory lo the rights aud honour of this house, and forms another grievance for wliich tlie present administration of lois province is responsible. 84. Resolved, That besides the grievances and abuses before-mentioned, there exist in this province a great number of others (a part of which existed before the commencement of the present administration, which has maintained them, and is the author of a portion of them), w ith regard to which this house reserves to itself the right of complaining and demanding reparation, and the number of which is too great to allow of their being enumerated here : that this house points out as among that number. Istly. The vicious composition and the irresponsibility of the executive council, the members of which are at the same lime judges of the court of appeals, and the secresy with which not only the functions, but even the names of the members of that body have been kept from the knowledge of this house, when inquiries have been instituted by it on the subject. 2dly. The exorbitant fees illegally exacted in certain of the public olRccs, and in others connected with the judicial department, under regulations made by the executive council, by the judges, and by other functionaries usurping the powers of the legislature. 3dly. The practice of illegally calling upon the judges to give their opinions secretly on questions which may be afterwards publicly and contradictorily argued before them ; and the opinions theraselves so given by the said judges, as political OP CANADA. 363 ty, and their lo our most lead (o the cm having a •r-in-chief is large salary, crcise of the ig the prero- sion, a great ed with the nditnportant England and n inlruduced of which the elilions from nuinicalions ;overnment; commenced ! presence of )loyment of 1 lead to in- his house, id constantly csented this ! adopted by emn vole of of the sum cssors of his his message •red by any m have bad he house of t would not )r the time stance, es- was called ns another isihlc. oned, there before the lem, and is ves to itself Df which is oinls out as ve council, Is, and the nembers of iiirics have trices, and ade by the powers of r opinions ily argued IS political partizans, in opposition to he laws, but in favour oflhe administration for the time being. 4lhly. The cumulation of public places and oHiccs in the same persons, and the efforts made by a number of families connected with the administration to per- petuate this state of things for their own advantage, and for the sake of domineering for ever, with interested views and in the spirit of party, over the people and their representatives. 5thly. The intermeddling of members of the legislative councils in the elections of the representatives of the people, for the purpose of influencing and controlling them by force, and the selection frequently made of returning ollicers for the pur- pose of securing the same partial and corrupt ends ; the interference of the present governor in-chief himself in the said elections; his approval of the intermeddling oflhe said legislative councillors in the said elections; the partiality with which he intervened in the judicial proceedings connected with the said elections, for the purpose of influencing the said proceeding in a manner favourable lo the military power, and contrary to the independence oflhe judicial power; and the applause which, as commander of the forces, he bestowed upon the sanguinary execution of the citizens by the soldiery. Gthly. The inlerfereucc of the armed military force at such elections, through which three peaceable citizens, whose exertions were necessary to the support of their families, and who were strangers to the agitation of the election, were shot dead in the streets ; the applause bestowed by the governor-in-chief and commander of the forces on the authors of this sanguinary military execution (who had not been accpjilted by a petty jury), for the Ormness and discipline displayed by them on that occasion. 7lhly. The various faulty and partial systems which have l)een followed ever since the passing of the constitutional act, with regard to the management of the waste lands in this province, and have rendered it impossible for the great majority of the people of the country to settle on the said lands ; tlie fraudulent and illegal manner in which, contrary to his iMajesly's instructions, governors, legislative and executive councillors, judges, and subordinate oflicers have appropriated to them- selves large tracts of tlie said lands; the monopoly of an extensive portion of the said lands in the hands of speculators residing in England, with which the province is now threatened ; and the alarm generally felt therein with regard to the alleged participation of his Majesty's government in thisscheme, without its havingdeigned to re-assure his faithful subjects on this head, or to reply to the humble address to his ^Majesty adopted by this house during the last session. Sthly. The increase of the expenses of the government without the aulliorily of the legislature, and the disproportion of the salaries paid lo public I'unclionaries to the services performed by them, to the rent of real properly, and to the ordinary income commanded by the exertions of persons possessing talent, industry, and economy, equal to or greater than those of the said i'unclionaries. Othly. The want of all recourse in tlie courts of law on the part of those who have just and legal claims on the government. lOthly. The too frequent reservation of bills for the signification of his Ma- jesty's pleasure, and ihe neglect of the Colonial Oflice to consider such bills, a great number of which have never been sent bacli to the province, and some of which have even been returned so late that doubts may be entertained as lo the validity of the sanction given to them; a circumstance which has introduced irre- gularity and uncertainty into the legislation of the province, and is felt by this house as an impediment to the re-inlroduclion of the bills reserved during the then preceding sessions. llthly. The neglect on the part of the Colonial Omce to give any answer to certain addresses transmitted by this house on important subjects; the practice fol- lowed by the administration of communicating in an incomplete manner, and by extracts, and frequently without giving their dales, the despatches received from time to time on subjects which have engaged the altention of this house; and the too frequent references lo the opinion of his Majesty's ministers in England, on J "'ii. 1 f ' 1; i ■ '!'■ .1- 3fl4 THE BUBBLES ^1 ^ i; I I the part of the provincial administration, upon points which it is In their power and within their province to decide. 12lhly. The unjust relenlion of (he college at Quebec, which forms part of the cstatcsof the laic Order of Jesuits, and wliich i'rdm a college has been trans- formed into a barrack for soldiers; the renewal of the lease of a considerable por- tion of the same estates, by the provincial cxeculive, io favour of a member of the legislative council, since those estates were returned to the lepisluture, and iu opposition to the prayer of this house, and to the knowu wii^hes of u great num- ber of his IVlajesly's subjects, to obtain lands (here and to settle on them; and the refusal of the said executive to communicate the said lease, and other inlbrmulion on the subjects, to this house. lathly. The obstacles unjustly opposed by the executive, friendly to abuses and to ignorance, to the establishment of colleges endowed by virtuous and disin- terested men, for the purpose of meeting the growing desire of the people for the careful education of their children.* lUhly. The refusal of justice with regard to the aceiisatious brought by this house, in the name of the people, against judges for llagrantacls of malversation, and for ignorance and violation of the law. 15thly. The refusals on the part of the governors, and more especially of the present governor-in-chief, to communicate to this house the information asked for by it from lime to time, and which it had a right to obtain, on a great number of subjects connected with the public business of the province. lOthly. The refusal of his Majesty's Oovcrnmenl to reimburse to the province the amount for wliich the late receiver-general was a defaulter, and its neglect to enforce the recourse which the province was entitled to against the properly and person of the late receiver-general. 85. Resolved, That the facts mentioned in the foregoing resolutions, dcmon- slratc llial the laws and constitutions of the province have not, at any period, been ndministered in a manner more contrary to the interests of his Majesty's govern- ment, and to the rights of the people of this province, than under the present ad- minislialion, and render it uecessary that his Excellency iMatthcw Lord Aylmer, of Bal'.ath, the present governor-in-chief of this provmce, be formally accused by this house of having, while acting as governor, in contradiction to the wishes of the Imperial Parliament, and lo the instructions he may have received, and against the honour and dignity of thecrowu, and the rights and privileges of this house and the people whom it represents, so recomposed the legislulive council as lo augment the dissensions which rend this colony; of having seriously impeded llie labours of this house, acting as the grand iiuiiiesl of the country; of having disposed of the public revenue of the province, ogainst the consent of the representatives of the people and in violation of the law and conslitulion; of having niainlaincd existing abuses, and created new ones; of having refused lo sign a writ for the election of*a representative to fill a vacancy which hail happened in this house, and lo complete the number of representatives established by law for this pro- vince; and thai this house expects from the honour, pairiolism, and justice of Ihe reformed Parliament of ihe IJniled Kingdom, that the Commons of the said par- liament will bring impeachments, and will support such impeachments before Ihe House of Lords against the said Matthew Lord .4ylmcr, for his illegal, unjust, and unconstitutional administration of Ihc government of this province; and against su he vii be fro ho so tio * To illustrate the mrtliKnant spirit inherent in the party there only needed this accusa- tion. l\ir. M'Gill, a respectable resident, on his demise some years ago, left f 10,000, wherewith to endow a college for the purpose of education, to be called after him. The heir-at-biw and executor, one of the clique, refused to part with the funds, and disputed the will. After being worsted in the Colonial courts, it was carried by appeal to London, and ultimately the decision of tlie courts in Cana.la confirmed, by which the bequest, with intere.st, now amoimtiuR to more than £21,000, is ordered to be applied according to the testator's will. NVu shall nnerely state that Vigor prosecuted the suit— that Pai)in«au ad- vised the defence — and that Des Hivieres, the executor, since the Ciiuse has been decided against him, is bankrupt. 'I'lip crime of the will we suppose, was, that it did not restrict the uses of the college to the French party. — See Canada (Question. I ihclr power nrms part or i been trans- lidcrablc poi- cinber of Ihc lure, and in a great niim- hcni; and the ' inlbrmution ly to abuses us and disin- ic'ople for ihc )ughl by this malversulion, ecially of the ion asited for al number of ) the province its ne^lecl fo property and ions, dcmon- f period, been csty'sgovern- c present ad- rd Aylmer, of lly accused by the wishes of J, and afininst his house and IS to augment !(1 the labours 5 disposed of eseiilalives of maintained writ for the n this house, for this pro- juslicc of the he said par- nts before the , unjust, and and against Id tliis accnsn- left f 10,000, Iflcr him. The and disputed =al to London, bequest, with |?roidiiig to the PH|)in«aii ad- ibeen decided td uot restrict OP CANADA. 365 such of the wicked and perverse advisers who have misled him, as this house may hereafter acc\ise, if there be no means of obtaining justice against them in the pro- vince, or at ihe hands of his M.ijcsly's executjve government in England. 80. Resolved, Tlialtliis Iiousj hopes and believes that the independent mem- bers of both houses of the Parliament of the United Kingdom will be disposed, both from inclination and a sense of duty, to support the accusations brought by this house; to watch over the preservation of its rights and pri>ileges, which have been so frequently and violently attacked, more especially by the present administra- tion; and so to act, that the people of this province may not be forced by oppression to regret their dependance on the British empire, and to seek elsewhere a remedy for their alTliclion. 87. Uesolved, That this house learned, with gratitude, that Daniel O'Connell, Esq. had given notice in the House of Commons in .luly last, that during the present session of the Imperial I'arliament, iic would call its attention to the ne- cessity of reforming the legislative and executive councils in the two Ganadas; and that the interest thus shown for our own fate by him whom the gratitude and bless- ings of his countrymen have, with the applause of the whole civilized world, pro- claimed great and liberator, and of whom our fellow-countrymen entertain corre- sponding sentiments, keeps alive in us the hope that, through the goodness of our cause and the services of such a friend, the British I'arliamcnl will not permit a minister, deceived by the interested representations of the provincial administra- tion and its creatures and tools, to exert (as there is reason from his despatches to apprehend that he may attempt to do) the highest degree of oppression in favour of a system which, in belter times, he characterized as faulty, and against sub- jects of his Majesty who arc apparently only known to him by the great patience with which they have waited .in vain for promised reforms. 88. Resolved, That this house has the same confidence in Joseph Hume,Es((., and feels the same gratitude for the anxiety which he has repeatedly shown for the good government of these colonies, and the amelioration of their laws and consti- tutions, and calls upon the said Daniel O'Connell anil Joseph Hume, lisqrs,. whose constant devotedness was, even under a Tory ministry, and before the re- form parliament, partially successful in the emancipation of Ireland, from the same bondage and the same political inferiority with which the communications received from the colonial secretary during the present session menace the people of Lower Canada, to use their ellbrts that the laws and constitution of this pro- vince may be amended in the manner demanded by the people thereof; that the abuses and grievances of which the latter have to complain may be fully and entirely redressed; and that the laws and constitution may be hereafter administered in a manner consonant vvilh justice, with the honour of the crown and of the people of England, and with the rights, liberties, and privileges of the people of this pro- vince, and of this house by which they arc represented. 89. Resolved, That this house invites the members of the minority of the le- gislative council who partake the opinions of the people, the present members of the House of Assembly, until the next general election, and afterwards all the iiiombers then elected, and such of her persons as they may associate with them, to form one committee or two committees of correspondence, to sit at Quebec and I\lonlreal in the Grst instance, and afterwards at such place as they shall think proper; the said committees to communicate with each other and w ilh the several local coipmittees, which may be formed in different parts of Ihc province, and to enter into correspondence with the Hon. Denis Benjamin Viger, tlie agent of this province in England, with the said Daniel O'Connell and Joseph Hume, Esqrs., and with such other members of the House of Lords or of the House of Commons, and such other persons in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland as they may deem cxp(;dient, for the purpose of supporting the claims of the people of this province and of this iiouse; of furnishing such information, do- cuments, and opinions as they may think adapted to make known the state, wishes, and wants of the province : the said committees also to correspond with such persons as they shall think proper in the otho< 'British colonies, which are 'I ^i IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) ^O /^/^> " " ^>^ ^3 ^ c v ^< ^^ 1.0 I.I us Itt lii 12.2 £? U° 12.0 ■ 22 la Ij25 1 U III 1.6 ■^ 6" ► <5% W ^>' Fhotogra[M: Sciences Corporation 23 WIST MAIN STRIE^ WIUTIR.N.Y. 14SM (716)S72-4S03 '^ 'f^"^ :> ^ ^ 866 THE BUBBLES all interested, that the most populous of their sister colonies do not sink under the viulent attempt to perpetuate the abuses and evils which result as well front the vices of its constitution as from the combined malversation of the adminis- trative, legislative, and judicial departments, out of which have sprung insult and oppression for the people, and by necessary consequence, hatred and contempt, on their part, for the provincial government. 90. Resolved, That the Honourable Denis Benjamin Viger be requested to remain at the seat of his Majesty's government, at least during the present ses- sion of the Imperial Parliament, to continue to watch over the interests of the province with the same zeal and the same devotedness as heretofore, without suf- fering himself to bo discouraged by mere formal objections on the part of those who are unwilling to listen to the complaints of the country. 91. Resolved, That the fair and reasonable expenses of the said two committees of correspondence, incurred by them in the performance of the duties entrusted to thcin !)y this house, are a debt which it contracts towards them; and that the rcprcsqiitalives of the people arc bound in honour to use all constitutional means to reimburse such expenses to the said committee, or to such person as may ad- vance money to them lor the purposes above-mentioned. 92. Resolved, Thnt the message from bis excellency the governor-in-chief, received on the l'3ih of January last, and relating to the wrjt of election for the county of Montreal, with the extract from a despatch which accompanied it, the message from the same, received the same day, and relating to the supply bill, and the message from the same, received on the 14th January last, with the extract from the despatch which accompanied it, be expunged from the journals of this house. > These resolutions, and the memorial accompanying them, were referred to a committee composed, like the last, chiefly of liberal members, and containing several persons whose opinions were well known to be favourable to their cause. The Canadian delegate, Mr. Morin,* was heard at great length, and I must refer you to the tes- timony given by him as a proof how all the vague assertions contained in their petition and resolutions vanished, when they were subjected to a critical and close examination. There are few instances on record in which a witness was so skilfully examined, or where a clever man, as he undoubtedly is, was brought to refute himself so com- pletely as he has done. After a patient hearing of all he coujd say, the committee reported (June 1834) as follows : — * " That the most earnest anxiety had existed, on the part of the home govern- ment, to carry into circct the suggestions of the committee of 182S; and that the endeavours of the government to that end had been unremitting, and guided by the desire, in all cases, to promote the interest of the colony; and that in several important particulars llieir- endeavours h self entitled to stat^that, in conformity with the express injunctions, and the pa- ternal wishes of the King, his Majesty's conGdential advisers have carried into complete etfecl every suggestion offered for their guidance by the committee of the house of commons. It is necessary to verify this statement by a careful and minute comparison be- tween the advice received, and the measures adopted. To avoid the possibility of error, the succc!>sivc recommendations of the committee of 1828 shall be trans- cribed at length, with no other deviation than that of changing the order in which the topics are successively arranged in their report, an order dictated by considera- tions of an accidental and temporary nature, but otherwise inconvenient, as post- poning many of the weightier topics to some of comparatively light importance. First, then, the report of 1828 contains the following advice of the Canada committee on the subject of Gnance — ' Although, from the opinion given by the law oilicers ol the crown, your committee must conclude that the legal right of appropriating the revenues arising from the act of 1774 is vested in the crown, they are prepared to say that the real interests of the provinces would be best pro- moted by placing the receipt and expenditure of the whole public revenue under the superintendence and control of the house of assembly.' ' If the ofTicers above enumerated are placed on the footing recommended,' (that is, in a state of pecuniary independence on the assembly) ' your committee are of opinion that ail the revenues of the province, except the territorial and hereditary revenues, should be placed under the control and direction of the legislative assembly.' The strict legal right of the crown to appropriate the precedes of the sta- tute 14 6. ill., c. 88, being thus directly maintained, the renunciation of that right was recommended, on condition that ' the governor, the members of the executive council, and the judges, should be made independent of the annual votes of the house of assembly for their respective salaries.' What then has been the result ? His Majesty has renounced these his acknowledged legal rights, but has not stipulated for the performance, on the part of the assembly, of the condition thus imposed upon them, and, to the present moment, that condition remains unfulfilled. By the British statute 1 and 2 VV. IV., c. 73, which was introduced into parliament by his Majesty's then confidential advisers, the appropriation of the revenues of the 14 (). ill., is transferred to the assembly absolutely, and without either that qualification which the committee proposed, or any other. Here, then, it cannot be denied that their advice bus been followed, not only OF CANADA. 369 biy, and to (1 conceded the house, illee of the sxhibitinga Ige of pub- r both the people and vestigation, an impe« ic tesiimo- s, faithfully iirable to its ted with the evancesand )r emphatic bouse of as- t to proceed me thence- ple enquiry il autbgNty, sxecution. 1 Qnds him- nd the pa- carried into nittee of the iparison be- )ossibitity of ill be trans- ler in which y considera- !nt, as post- iportance. the Canada iven by the gal right of the crown, le best pro- enue under the ofTicers in a state opinion that ry revenues, nbly.' Df the sta- ion of that ibcrs of the the annual en has been ;hls, but has ie condition on remains i introduced 'oprialion of lolutely, and any other, id, not only with implicit deference, but in a spirit of concession which they did not cuntem plate. Secondly. On the subject of the representation of the people in Lower Ca- nada, the opinion of the committee was expressed in the followin<; terms ' — ' Vour committee ?.re now desirous of adverting to the represcnlalive system of Lower Canada, with respect to which, all parties seem to agree that some change should take place.' After detailing the various causes which had led to an inequality in the number of the members of the assembly in favour of the French inhabi- tants of the seigniories, and therefore to the prejudice of the iniiiibilants uf ILng- lish origin in the townships, the committee passed noni the subject with the following general remark. ' In providing a representative system for the inha- bitants of a country which is gradually comprehending within its limits newly peopled and extensive districts, great impert'eclions must necessarily arise from proceeding in the first instance on the basis of population only. In Upper Ca- nada, a representative system has been founded on the com|iound basis of territory and population. This principle, we think, might be advantageously adopted in Leer Canada.' It was with the entire concurrence of his Majesty's govornnicnl, thai the legisla- ture of Lower Canada assumed to themselves the duty of givinj; en'ocl to this part of the advice of the committee. That report had laid do>\n the general principle that, with one exception, ' ail changes, if possible, be carriod into cn'tcl by the local legislature themselves;' and to that principle the ministers of the crown adhered, even in a case where the dominant majority of the assembly hud an in- terest directly opposed to that of the great body of English inlialtitanls, for whose special relief the new representation bill was to he enacted. Sucli a hill was ac- cordingly passed, and was reserved for the signification ol his IMajestfs pleasure. It actually received the royal assent, and is, at this day, the lav. of the province. In this case, also, the concessions made to the Canadian inbabiianls of French origin were far greater than the authors of the report uf 18-iS cuiild iiave had in contemplation. The Upper Canadian principle of cond)inii.g territory and po- pulation, as the basis of elective franchise, was not adopted in Low* r Canada : the assembly substituted for it a new division of the country, of which the ciTect has been to increase rather than to diminish the disproportion between the num- ber of members returned by the English and those representing the French Cana- dian interest. This result of the bill was distinctly foreseen by the oilieial advi- sers of the crown, and it became the subject of grave deliberation whether his majesty should be advised to acquiesce in a scheme which followed the advice of the Canada committee, so far indeed as to elfect a material change in the repre- sentative body, and so far as to give to the En;^lish settlers a few more voices in the assembly, but not so far as to secure to them any additional weight in the deli- berations of that house. It is not within the object of this minute to detend or to explain the motives of the ultimate decision in favour of the hill. For the present purpose it is enough to say, that the acceptance of il gave to tbc Cana- dians of French origin far more than the repeat of iS'iS authorised them to expect. Thirdly. Inferior only in importance to the topics already no'.iied, is that of the independenceof the judges, respecting which the following passage may he extracted from the report of 1828 : — ' On the other hand, your conimiltee, while recom- mending such a concession on the part of the crown,' (the concession, that is, of the revenue), 'are strongly impressed with the advantage of rendering the judges independent of the annual votes of the house of assembly for their respective sala- ries. Your committee are fully aware of the objections in principle, which may be fairly raised against the practice of voting permanent salaries to the judges who are removable at the pleasure of the crown ; but being convinced thai il would be inexpedient that the crown should 6e deprived of the power olienioNal, and having well considered the public inconvenience which might rcsiill ironi their being left in dependence on the annual vote of the assembly, they have liecided to rnaKe the recommendation, in their instance, of a permanent vole of salary.' Thus the Canada committee of 1828 were of opinion that the judges ought to be 370 THE BUBBLES independentof the assembly for their incomes, but ought to continue liable to removal froK'i ollicc al the pleasure of the Crown. Yet so far have the liritish government be«n from meting out relief to the province grud^in^ly, or in any narrow spirit, that they have left noUiiuij uiialtempled which could secur3 to the judges, not merely that pecuniary independence which the coinmillee advised, but that independent tenure of ollice also, which their report expressly dissuaded. In the adjacent pro- vince of Upper Canada, both objects have been happily accomplished. In his dispatch of the 8lh February 1831, No. XXII., the Earl of Ripon explained to Lord Ayliner the course of proceeding which had been adopted for asserting the in- dependence of the judges in this kingdom, and signiried to (he governor his Ma- jesty's commands to avail himself of llie earliest opportunity for proposing to the legislative council and assi>uibly of Lower Canada, the enactment of a bill decL.ring that the commissions ot all the judges of the supreme courts should be granted to endure iheir good behaviour, and not during the royal pleasure ; and Lord Aylmer was further inslrucled, in ihu name and on the behalf of his Majesty, to assent to a bill for carrying that object into effocl. Lord Ilipon, however, declared it to be, of course, nn essential condition of his arrangement, that 'an adequate and per- manent provision sliould be made for the judges.' It remains to state the result. A bill was passed by the house of assembly, by which, indeed, the tenure of the judicial oUice was made to depend on the good behaviour of the judges, and by which a provision, adequate in amount, was made for ihcm. But that proyisiou was so granted as to be liable to be diminished or taken away by the annual votes of the house of assembly. To this measure, so popular in its general character or pretensions, were also ' lacked' (to adupl the usual parliamentary phrase) clauses by which a right to idispose of the territorial revenue of the Crown was asserted, and by which all the public otricers in the colony, — the governor himself not being expressly excepted — were made amenable to a tribunal, to be constituted for the trial of all impeachments preferred by the representatives of the people. Such was the return made to an act of grace, which the Canada Committee themselves had expressly dissuaded. To have aciiuieseed in it would have involved a sacri- licc of whatever is due to the dignity of the King, and to the liberties of his iMajesty's subjects. H'... IMiijesty's aiseul was, liicrefore, wi'liliokk'n, though not without the expression of the deepest regret, and the most distinct offer to assent to any other bill for eslahlisliing the iudepcriileuce of the judges, which should be exempt from such objections. The house of assembly, however, have never since tendered an act of thai nature for llie acceptance of his Miijesty, or of his Majesty's represen- tative in the pro^ince. F(Hirlhly,. Thoiii'xt topic is that of the composition «tf the legislative and executive councils, respecting which tho luiitiwiugsugi-M'stions occur in the report of 1828 ; — * One' (it is said) ' of the most iraporlanl subjects to which their in(iuiries have been directed, has been the stale of the legislative councils in both the Canadas, and the manner in which Ihcso assembiies have answered the purposes for which they were insliUited. Vour coinmillee strongly recommend that a more indepen- dent character should b..' given lo lhe«e bodies ; thai Ihe majority of their members should not consist of persons holding ofliccs til the pleasure of the Crown ; and that any other measures that may tend to colinect more intimaiely this branch of the conslilulion with the interest of Ihe colonies, would be attended with the greatest advantage. U'illi respect lo the jud;;es, willi llie esteplion only of Ihe chief justice, whose presence on parlicular occasions miglil be necessary, your committee enter- tain no doubt that they bud bellcr not be involved in the political business of the house. Upon similar urounds, il appoius lo your commillee that it is not desirable that judges should hold ser.'.s in the executive council.' Wilh what scrupulous exactness loose recommendalions have been followed, will now be shewn, Wilh respect lo the judges. Lord Kipon, in the despatch of the 8lU of February alrca>ly quoiod, conveyed to Lord Aylmer his Majesty's com- mands to signify to the legislative council and assembly, hii Majc.sly's settled purpose to nominate, on no future occasion, any judge as a member, either of the executive or of the legislative council of the province. It was added, that the single Oij' CANADA. 371 to removal overnment ipirit, that [lot merely dcpciiileiit jacenl pro- I. In his plained to ing the in- or his Ma- ing to the 1 decl '.ring granted to rd Ayimer ) assent to id it to be, e and per- the result, lure of the s, and by •vision vas al votes of laracter or se) clauses s asserted, rnot being led for the tie. Such ihenisclves !d a sacri- I 31ajt'sty's il w'illiout ent to any id exempt 13 tendered represeu- cxecutive 1828;— iiics have Caiiadas, or which iiidcpen- members and that h of the e greatest ef justice, lee enler- ss of the desirable ibllowed, spalch of y's com- 's settled ler oflhc the single exception to that general rule would be, that the chief justice of Quebec would be a member of the legislative council, in order llial the members oflliat body might bave the benefll of his assistance in framing laws of a general and permanent character. But his IMajesty declared iiis purpose to recommend, even to that high officer, a cautious abstinence from all proceedings, by which be might be involved in any political contentions of a party nature. It was not in the power of the King's government to remove from the legislative council any of the judges who had already been appointed to be members of that body ; because the terms of the constitutional act secure to them the enjoyment of their seats for life. But in a private despatch of the same dale, the four gentle- men who had at that time combined the judicial character with seals in the council, were earnest!} eihorled to resign their places as councillors, and were assured that nothing should be wanting to rescue them from any possibility ofnusconsliuclion, as to the motives by which that advice had been dictated or obeyed. In point of fact, it was not accepted : but the judges unanimously agreed to withdraw from all active interference in the business of the council, and have never since attended its sittings. The chief justice indeed, as was recommended by the Canada committee, forms the single exception; but even that gentleman, as Car as the information of this office extends, has confmcd his inleri'ercncc within the limits prescribed to Iiim by the committee and by the Earl of l{ipon. The principles laid down by the committee of 1828, for regulating the composition of the legislative council, have been not less strictly pursued in every other respect. Since the date of their report, eighteen new members have been appointed. Of that number there is not one who holds any ollice or place of emolument at the pleasure of the crown, or who is in any other manner dependent upon the favour of his Majesty, or his official advisers. Of the oighlecn new members, ten are of French origin. The total number of counsellors is thirty-five, of whom only seven hold public offices. Amongst them is the bishop of Quebec, who is, in the fullest sense of the term, independent of the crown. The chief justice, whose dependence is allogetlier nominal, is another. Of the whole body of Ihirly-Dve members there remain therefore but Ave over whom the cxcculivc government can, with any reason or plausibility, be said to possess any direct influence. It is therefore not without a reasonable toniidence, that Ihc words in which the committee of 1828 suggest the proper composition of the legislative council, may be adopted as precisely descriptive of the manner in which it is actually composed. ' A more independent character' has been irivcn lo that buily. The 'majority of tha members' does 7iol consist of ' pei'^oiis holding oillcc al the pleasure of the crown.' This branch of the conslitulion has been connected ' more inlimalcly with the interests of the province,' by the addition of a large body of Canadian gentlemen. But the case may be carried still further, and it may be shewn that, in respect to the councils, the etTorts of Lord Aberdeen's predecessors have left behind tliera the advice of the Canada Comniillee. The executive council has also been strengthened by the addition of three members of French origin. A seat was offered Mr. Neilson, the most prominent of the delegates from the iiouse of as- sembly of 1828, and to M. Papineau, the speaker of ihal house. It need scarcely be said that it was impossible to give a more decisive proof of the wish of the ministers of the crown, that the composition of the Canadian council should be acceptable to the great majority of the people. Fifthly. The next in order of the recommendations of that committee relates lo the clergy reserves, a subject on which they employed the following language : — ' As your committee entertain no doubt that the reservation of these lands in mortmain is a serious obstacle to the improvement of the colony, they think every proper exertion should be made to place them in the handsof persons who will per- form upon them the duties of setllement| and bring them gradually into cultivation.' Although the views of the committee were thus limited to the improvement of the clergy reserves, the government advanced to the redress of the evil indicated in the report, by a measure, not only far more decisive, but eminently remarkable •■sis 372 THE BUBBLES for ihe confidence it expressed in Ihe provincial legislature. The constitutional act htiving auliiorihed liis Majesty, with the advice of llic legislative council and assembly, to vary or repeal any of tiie provisions ttierein made for tije allotment and iipproprialion of lands for tiie support of the Protestant clergy. Lord Kipon, availing himself of that enactment, proposed that the power of repeal should be exercised by tliose bodies, and should be accompanied wilh a declaration that the reserved lands should merge in the general demesne of the crown. The object of this proposal was to bring the reserves within tlie reach of the general rules, under which all the waste lands of the province are progressively sold to the highest bidder. To prevent any possible misconception of the views of his Majesty's government, the draft of a bill for the accomplishment of this design was transmitted to Lord Aylmer, wilh instructions to give his assent if such a law should he presented for his acceptance. To obviate the risk of oiTence being given, by suggesting to the house of assembly the exact language as well as the general scope of a measure to originate with them. Lord Aylmer was directed to proceed with the most cautious observance of the privileges of that bidy, and of all the constitutional forms. Anticipating the contingency of Ihe measure being adopted in substance, but with variations in the terms. Lord Uipon further staled that, in that event, the bill was not to be rejected by tlic governor, but was to be specially reserved for the signiHcation of his Alajesly's pleasure. In obedience to these directions, the bill was introduced into the house of assembly, but did not pass into a law. That it would have effectually removed the grievance pointed out by the Canada committee, bas not been disputed ; nor can the ministers of t^c crown be held in any sense responsible for the continuance of an evil fur which they had matured so complete a remedy. The only explanation which has ever been given of the failure of the proposal is, that the solicitor- general, Mr Ogden, had used some expressions, whence it was inferred that his Majesty's government would reject the bill if altered in a single word. It is scarcely credible, that this sliould be an accurate surmise of the real cause of the loss of the Clergy Lands Appropriation Bill. It is not to be believed that the assembly of Lower Canada would have rejected an unobjectionable proposal for the redress of a grievance of which complaint had been long and loudly made, fur no other reason than that a public officer, nut of the highest rank or consideration, bad used some casual expression, in which the ultimate views of his Majesty's advisers were inac- curately explained. To the governor application could have immediately been made, for more authentic information ; and, in fact, the tenour of the despatch which had been received by Lord Aylmer, was perfectly well known throughout the province to every person who felt any interest in the subject. The measure has never since been revived ; and it must be therefore assumed, that the assembly arc less anxious than Lord Kipon supposed, for the removal of this obstruction to agriculture and internal improvement. Re that as it may, the British government are Completely absolved from the responsibility thrown upon them by this part of the report of the Canada committee. Sixthly. That body proceeding to other subjects connected with the wild lands of the province, expressed their opinion that — ' It might be well for the govern- ment to consider whether the crown reserves could not be permanently alienated, subject to some fixed moderate reserved payment, either in money or in grain, as might be demanded, to arise out of the first ten or fifteen years of occupation.* They add that, ' they are not prepared to do mere than offer this suggestion, which appears to them tu be worthy of more consideration than it is in their power to give to it ; but that in this or in some such mode, they are fully persuaded the lands thus reserved, ought, without delay, to be permanently disposed of.' ' In pursuance of this advice. Lord Kipon directed the sale of the crown reserves througheul the province, as opportunity might offer, precisely in the same manner as any other part of the royal demesne. 'The system has undergone an entire change; and the crown reserves considered as distinct allotments, left in their wild state to draw a progressive increasing value from the improvement of the vicinity, have no longer any existence. OF CANADA. 373 d lands ovcni- enaled, ain, as )alion/ which wer to e lands escrves nanner entire ir wild cinily, Seventhly. Another abuse connected with the wild lands of Lower Canada was noticed by the coniiniltcc, in the fullowing langua^e : — ' One ol' the obstacles which is said greatly to impede the improvemcril of the country, is tlie practice of making grants or land in large masses lo individuals, who had held oflicial situa- tions in the colony, and who had evaded the coiidilions of the grant by which they were bound lo provide for its cultivation, and now wholly neglect it. Although powers have been lately acquired by (he government to estreat tho«e lands, and although we think that, under certain modifications, this power may be advanta- geously used, we arc nevertheless of opinion that u system should be adopted similar tothatof Upper Canada, by the levy ofa small annual duty on lands remaining unimproved and unoccupied contrary to the conditions of the grant.' The remedial measure ofa tax on wild land, which is su^'gestcd in tlie preceding passage, could, of course, ori-^inatc only with the representatives of the people, and the house of asscrtibiy have not indicated any disposition to resort to thai mode of taxation. To such a bill, if tendered by them, his Majesty's assent would have been cheerfully given. Yet the King's government did not omit to avail themselves of all those remedial powers with which the Crown is entrusted. It is little to say (though it may be stated with the strictest truth), that since the date of the report, the system reprobated by the committee, of granting land in large masses to individuals, has been entirely discontinued. It is more material to add, that this change in practice is the result of a series of regulations established, on Lord Hipon's advice, in Lower Canada, and indeed throughout all the. other British colonies. The system of gratuitous donations of land has been abandoned abso- lutely and universally ; and during the last three years all such properly has been disposed of by public auctions to the highest bidder, at such a minimum price as to ensure the public at large against the waste of this resource by nominal or fictitious sales. This is not the occasion for vindicating the soundness of that policy, which, however, if necessary, it would not be hard to vindicate. It is suflicient for the immediate purpose of this minute to have shown, that on this as on other topics, the ministers of the Crown did not confine themselves to a servile adherence to the mere letter of the parliamentary recommendation, but embraced and gave the fullest effect to its genuine spirit. Eighthly. The committee sought to relieve the province not only from the evils of improvident reservations and grants of wild lands, but from those incident to the tenures on which the cultivated districts are holden. The following passages on this subject appear in their report : — ' They do not decline to offer as their opi- nion, thai it would be advantageous, that the declaratory enactment in the Tenures Act, respecting lands held in free and common soccage, should be retained.' ' Your committee are further of opinion that means should be found of bringing into effective operation the clause in the Tenures Act, which provides for the mutation of tenure : and they entertain no doubt of the inexpediency of retaining the seigneurial rights of the crown, in the hope of deriving a profit from them. The sacrifice on the part of the crown would be trifling, and would bear no propor- tion to the benefit that would result to the colony from such a concession.' ' The commiltee cannot too strongly express their opinion, that the Canadians of French extraction should in no degree be disturbed in the peaceful enjoyment of their religion, laws, and privileges, as secured to them by the British acts of parliament ; and so far from requiring them lo hold lands on the British tenure, they think that when the lands in the seigneuries are fully occupied, if the descendants of the original settlers shall still retain their prefercnceto the tenure oijief et seigneuric^ they see no objection to other portions of inoccupied lands in the province being granted to them on that tenure, provided that such lands are apart from, and not intermixed with, the townships.' The British government are again entitled to claim the credit of having, to the utmost possible extent, regulated their conduct by the language, and still more by the spirit of this advice. No application has been made for the creation of a new seigneurie, as indeed the period contemplated by the committee, when the seigneurial lands would be ■il ST4 THE BUBBLES fully flcrupicd, still sncms very romoto. It is fllinn<«t superduons to add, that no fltlempt liiis been made In siiperiinliiri' upon Ihnsu lands any of the rules uf the law of Ln^land. The crown also lias been prompt to lirin^ into ihc most cITeetive operation the clause of the Canada 'rciuires Acl wliich provides for the mtilalion of tenures, lint no lord or censilairc hnvin;; liillierlo inNokcd the eiorcisc of the powers of the Crown, Ihey have of necessity continued dormant. Respecting the soccage lands, some explanation seoins necessary. The general principle adopted hy tho committee in the passage already quoted, ig that the inhahitanls. holh oi' Frendi anil of British origin, slmiild respectively be left in the enjoymenl of the law regiilaiiiig the tenures of their lands derived from their ditVercnl ancestors, and eiideaied to eilhrr party, by habit, if not by national prejudices. Il has already been shown that the French Canadians have enjoyed the benclil of this principle to the I'lillesl possible extent. In the anxiety which has been fell to griiiify their wisl'cs, il i:i,i\ not be (piite clear Ihaletpial jnslicc has been rendered to the iiihahiiauis (if lit ilisli descent. The maintenance of so much of the Canada Teinires Act as rendered the socca;?c lands inheritable and transmis- sible according lo Knulisii law, was most unequivocally recommended in llie extracts already made from the report. The provincial legislature, however. In their session of 1K29, made provision for Ihc conveyance of such lands in a manner repugnant to this Urilish slalulc. Of course his iMajesly could not be advised to assent to a law whidi directly contravened an act of parliament. Such, hovyever, was the anxiety of the King's ministers to avoid every needless cause of jealousy, that a bill (1 \V. IV, c. 20) was introduced into parliament by Lord Kipon, and passed into a law, in order to relieve his IMajesly from this dilliculty. The Cana- dian Act was then' accepted. INor was this all. Striving to multiply, to the utmost possible extent, every proof and expression (d" respect and confidence towards the provincial legislature, the government introduced into the British statute, which has been last mentioned, a further cnaclment, of which the efTect was to ab- solve the Canadian legislature in future from every restraint laid upon them, by any acl of parliament regulating the various incidents of the soccage tenure in the province. The barriers erected for the defence of the British settlers by the caution of parliament in the years 1791 and 1821) were thus overthrown, in order that there might be the fewest possible exceptions to the principle of confiding to the Canadian legislature, the regulations of the internal interests of Lower Canada. r^> one will deny that this unsolicited concession was made in the spirit of the most large and liberal acceptance of the advice of the Canada committee, so far at least as the views and interests of the dominant majority of the house of assembly are concerned. Ninthly. The next is the subject of the Jesuits' estates ; in reference to which the views of the committee of 1828 are expressed as follows: — < With respect lo the estates which formerly belonged to the Jesuits, your commiUee lament Ihat they have not more full information. But it appears lo them to be desirable that the proceeds should be applied to the purposes of general education. Far indeed beyond the letter of this advice did the concessions made by his Ma- jesty, on the advice of Lord Ripon, proceed. Not only were the Jesuits' estates ' applied lo the purposes of general education,' but the provincial legislature were authorised to determine what speciflc purposes of that kind should be preferred, and the proceeds of the estates were placed for that purpose unreservedly under their control. No suggestion has been made impeaching the fulness of this conces- sion, except as far as respects certain buildings occupied for half a century pastas barracks. Even if a rent should be payable by the Oown for the use of those bar- racks (Hie single question admitting of debate), it would be idle, on that ground, to deny either the importance of the concession made, or the almost unbounded confidence In the house of assembly, perceptible in the form and manner in which the crown renounced lo them, not merely a proprietary right, but even an admi- nistrative function. Tenthly. To the positive recommendations which have already been considered. OF CANADA. 'J75 isidered. snrcpeds nnnllicr, of wliicli Ihc onil H r.-ilhcr lo dissiintlo Hinn fo .ndviso Oic ndop- tion of any spccilic iiiciisiirc. * Ihc tdni'nillcc (ii issiiil) :uc dcsinnis id record- ing (lie principle which, in llicir jinlizmcnl. slionld Im- ii;ijtlicd (o ;iiiy allcriilions in the cinHliliilions ()lllic<',;iii;idiis, which were in'p.ulcd lo llicin tiiidcr Ihc forninl aclol'the iirilish Ir^-islalnre ol' I7i>l. ThMl prihcipic is Id liinii the nltoralions which it may he dcsir.ihle to niaKc, by any Inliirc Kiiiish Aclss, as I'ar as possihic, lo 8iii;h points ns, from llic relation Iclwccn ll:o niollicr coinilry and Ihe Canadas, ran only be dis|)nsed of Ity llie p.narnonnt aiilhoriiy oi' the IJrilisIi icj^lsliitiire, and Ihey are of opinion that all oilier cliniifiis should, il' possihle, he carried into circcl hy thcloeni letjislalnre Ihcniselvos, in amicable foinninnicalioiis with the local go- vernmenl. So risidly has thispiinriple hcenobsiTvod, that rif two ads of parliament which, since IH'il, have heen passed with relcreiice to the inteiiial coinrrns (d' tlie pro- vince, the common ohjecl has been so to enlarj^e IIk^ aiilliorily of the pro\incial le- Kislalnre as lo enable his Majesty to make, with their concurrence, laws lo the enacl- menl of which they were positively incoinpelen'. l tie acts in (pieslion are Ihosc •ilrendy noticed, by which the reveiuKSoKico 111. were relinipiislied. and ilie regu- lation of soccage tenures was transferred (o the fjiovernor, council, and assembly. KIcventhly. 'The committee' (auMin lo borrow Iheir own words) 'recom- mended, for the firtiire, that sleps should be t.sken by ollicial securities, and by a regular audit of accounts, lo prevent the recurrence of losses and inconveniences lolhe province, similar lo those which had occurred in Mr. Caldwell's case,' and '88 connected with this branch of the emiiiiry, they recommended thai precautions of Ihc same nature should be adopted with re;,'ard to the slicrilVs.' in reference to Ihese sugf^estions, Sir (Jeorge iMnrray proiiosed lo the house of assembly, and Lord Kipon repeated the proposal, that Ihc public accountants should pay Iheir balances, at very shorl intervals, into the hands of the commissary- general, tendering the security of the British treasury for the punctual re-payment of all such deposits. The scheme embraced a plan for a regular audit, and for the punctual demand of adeciuateseciirilies. Sir .lames Kempl and Lord Aylmer were successively instrucleil lo propose to the legislative council and assembly the enact- ment of such a law. The proposal was accordingly made lo the assembly in the year 1829, and was repeated in the year 1S32. On each occasion il was the plea- sure of the house to pass it by in silence. That they had good reasons for their con- duct, it would be unjtfst and indecorous lo doubt. Those reasons, however, re- main to this moment completely unknown lo the executive government, who, hav- ing exhausted all their authority and influence in a fruitless attempt to givccflect to this pari of the Canada committee's recommendations, cannot, with any reason, he held responsible if they still have failed to produce the advantage conlemplaled to the province at large.* Twelflhly. A further recommendation of the commillee is conveyed in the re- port, in the following terms : ' Your committee also l)cg leave lo call the particular attention of the government to the mode in which juries arc composed in the Canadas, with a view to remedy any defects that may be found to exist in the present system.' Here, again, the government pressed upon the house of assembly the import- ance of giving eiTect to the views of the committee ; and, in fact, a law has re- ceived the royal assent, having for its object the improvement of the jury system — an object which has lieen pursued by those methods which the house of assem- bly themselves devised or adopted. * The executive government have not, however, abstained from such measures as were wilhin their own power They have established a fire-inoof vault, with three keys, held by three separate officers of hi^h rank, all of whom must be present whenever it is opened ; and they have provided that the receiver general shall not hold in his hands any balance exceeding £10,000 without depositing il in tliis vault ; and tluit once at least in everv year the contents of the vault shall be inspected, or reported on, by five persons named by the governor for the purpose. They have also taken security from the receiver-general to the extent of £10^001), with two sufficient sureties, and have required him to render statement* of his accounts on the Ist January, 1st July, and 1st October, in every year. ^i!^ k "H^ 370 TilG BUBBLES Thiilpcnlhly. Thr report proceeds to rpcommcml, * Ihal the prayer of Iho Lower CuiL-KJiiuisfor perriiissioii to appoint un agmt, in the same manner as agentu am iippiiintrd hy oilier roloiiies which possess locul Icgislaliires, should begranted.' His !>Iaii>sty's Kovcrnment have acrordingly repeatedly aiilhoriscd the governor to iissent to iiiiy hill which niiifht ho passed Tor that purpose. No such bill has, however, hecn presented for LonI Aylmcr's acceptance. The asscm*-';-, In op- posiliiiii t(i the advice of the coininiltce, that the habits of other colonics should be followed as a precedent, have chosen to nominate, by resolutions of that house alone, ^enlletnen depuied to represent them in this ItiuKdorn, but who have not, as in other colonies pus.sessing leKitilative assemblies, been appointed by an act of the entire le;{islatnre. Voiirleentlily. Upon the most careful perusal of the report of 1H2H, no other recomiMcndalions can be found addressed to the King's government, although the coniniittee, nddressin;; themselves in that instance rather to the local legislature, have advised that nioil^u^es should he special, and that in proceedings for the con- veyance of lands, the simplest and least expensive forms of conveyance should be adopted, upon the principles of the law of Kngland; that form which prevails in CJpper Canada, being probably, under all circumstances, the best which could be selected; and that the registration of deeds relating to soccage lands, should be established as in Upper Canada. ' In addition, ' it is added, ' to these recom- mendations, it appears to be desirable that some competent jurisdiction should bo established, to try and decide causes arising out of this description of property;' (that is the soccaj^c lands) ' and that circuit courts should be instituted within the townships \\\r the same purposes.' In these passni^is the desiKU of the committee was to administer to the relief of the settleis of lin«lish origin, and their claims were pressed by Sir fleorge Alurray, on the attention of the assembly. Some advance has been accordingly made towards the establishment of a registry of deeds, and of local courts in the townships. Respecting the law of mortgages, and the forms of conveyancing, it does not appear that the assembly have hitherto interposed for the relief of that part of the consliluent Itody. Concludi^^ at this point tlic comparison between the advice tendered lo the go- vernment, and the measures adopted in pursuance of It, it may be confldently asserted, that the seneral statement made at the commencement of this minute has lieen siilistantialcd. To the utmost limit of their constitutional power and leKiliinatc inlliicnce successive administrations have earnestly and successively labo'ircd to carry the report of 18-28 into complete effect in all its parts. It has already been shewn with liow cordial an acquiescence that report was received by the house of assembly, with what liberal eulogies the talent, the patriotism, the knuwled^'e, and intimate acquaintance with Canadian affairs, of its authors, were commanded; liow that document was hailed as the faithful interpretation of the wishes and wants of the Canadian people; and how the British government were called upon by the house of assembly to look to that report as their guide in reme- dying existing grievances, and obviating difficulties for the future. That this guide should have been studiously followed, that its suggestions should have been invariably construed and enforced, with no servile adherence to the letter, but in the most liberal acceptance of its prevailing spirit, and yet that such efforts should have been unavailing to produce the expected conciliation, may well justify the deepest regret and disappointment. (Signed) Aberdeen. The perusal of this triumphant document naturally suggests two reflections ; first, that the faithful execution of the recommendations of the committee is much more entitled to our approbation than the recommendations themselves ; and, secondly, that the Canadian as- sembly were not to bo satisfied with any concession whatever, short of independence. OF CANADA. 317 lyer of iho ir as ageiitti le granted.' c governor rh bill has, '•'•;, In o|»- I should be that hoiisfl ) have not, y an act of , no other llhough the legislature, rorlhecon- ince should :h prevails i^hich could , should he !sc recom- I should bo property ; ' within the the relief ilr Oeorge iccordingly urts in iho yancing, it iliefofthat (o the go- ;onridently lis niinuto power and iccessively s. It has ceived by )tism, the lors, were ion of the lent were in reme- That this tave been er, but in ts should ustify the EEN. sts two idations lan the ian as- 'f short LETTEK l\. As the memorials nddrcssod to govornmcnt by the English and French parties were at variance in cvrry mnt(>rial point, a com- mission of enquiry, of which the governor, Lord (i(»sford, was head, was sent out to Canada in iHiJ.'j. Whether this roinniission was necessary or not, is a matter with which [ have notliing to do; I merely mention the fact as ilhistrative of the earnest desire that existed to compose these unfortunate difriculties, iuul to ascertain on the spot how nuich of concession could be made, consistently with retaining the sovereignty of the country. Tlie coinmissiorc' pswero told, * Your investigations will have for their enmmon ol»jecl the advn»^remonf of the welfare and prosperity of Lower Canada by ull niclhods cumpalili' vith lliu inte- grity of the empire, anil with the uuthoiiiy of the Kiog as supreme in all parto of Uie British dominions. * You will ever boar In mind th.it you arR sent on n mlssinn of peace and con- ciliation. Vwij will therefore proceed in a spirit not of di'lrusl, but of cdiilidence; remembering that much of your success will depend, not only on the zeal, Nihility, and fairness of your enquiries, but also on your perfect separntiun from all local and party disputes, and on tlie unquesiionajjle fr:.nlincss tnd impartiality of your generHi conduct. ' You will observe, that the legislature of Lower Canada must ultimately bo the instrument through which any beneCts resulting frcm your mission must, to a very great extent, be accomplished. His Mujesty disclaims tiie intention of provoliiiig any unnecessary pa liamentary interference in the internal alFairs of the province. To mediate between adverse parties, with an entire respect for the constitutional rights common to them all, is the high oflice appropriate to his royal station, and this function the King, aided by your enquiries and advice, is anxious on the pre- sent occasion to perform.' The governor was told by Lord Glenelg, 'Your lordship therefore proceeds to Canada to advocate no British interest, and to secure no selfish ends. To maintain the peace and in'cgrity of the empire, and to mediate between contending parties, by whom those blessings have been en- dangered, is the high and honourable trust confided to you.' Every thing that was tangible in the celebrated ninety-two re- solutions, was put into shape, and separately commented upon for his guidance. 1. It is alleged, observes his Lordship, that the patronage of his Majesty's government in Lower Canada has been exercised in such a manner as to exclude the Canadians of French descent, not only from the larger number, but from all the more lucrative and honourable of the public employments in their native country.* * Had hia Lordship thought proper to have entered into particulars, he might have compiled the following tabio. to show how utterly false this accusation was. He might »7H THE BJTBBLES The aliiisoof patronacic is s.-iid to oxicnd slill fiirtlior ; somo persons .are represented as li.ivinf;; l)e(Mi prelerrcd (o ollices, in perlorminp; fho duties of which they ,ire Miiihle (o roiimimiicate, e\ee|)t Ihrouf"!! an interpreter, with the trreat Ixidy of those with wlioni their nllhirs arc to he transacted. Other successful e.UKhilafes for ollice are re- presented as persons who liave made themselves justly ollensive to the house of asse?nl)ly ; wliile, on the other hand, employments created at the instance of (hat house wifli a Aiew to puhlic im- provements, have, it is ahe^ed. h(>en studiously deiu'ed to those whom the governor had reason to l)elie\e would be most acceptable to the assembly. It would be scarcely jiossihle (o find any terms more emphatic than those employed by the Earl of Kipon, to enjoin the utmost impar- tiality in the disfribufion of public ollices in Lower (Canada, without, reference to national or political distinctions, or to any consideration, except that of superior capacity and fitness for the trust. I adopt my precU^'essor's instructions in their hdlest extent; I concur with him in thinking that personal merit and skill, or knowledge, quali- fying a candidate for the vacant trust, are the chief circumstances to which the governor of the province nuist have regard; and that in the distribution of ollices, it is impossible to adhere with any minuto exactness to the rule which the numerical proportion subsisting be- tween the two races might allbrd. But your lordship will remember that between personsofecpial or notvery dissimilar pretensions, it may be lit that the choice should he made in such a manner as in some de- gree to satisfy the claims which the French inhabitants may reason- ably urge to be placed in the enjoyment of an equal share of the royal favour. There are occasions also on which the increased satisfaction of the public at large with an appointment, might amply atone for some inferiority in the qualilications of the persons selected. To also have statiMl tli-it the i»|i|)oiiitmeiits confnined in (iiis table were made under every pos- sible disadvaiitaf;e. ia couseqiieiire of" the avowed hostility of the French to the govern- ment and institutions of the Knulish. and also from the extreme dittii uity of finding persons among them competent to discharge the daties assiijiied to thi'ni, and migiit iiaveilliistrated the hist assertion hy reference to the fad, t/iat out of two nrand juries at this time at Montreal, only one person was found that could write his name. Of the last seven hundred and tliirty tight appointinent.s iiie proportion stood thus — Of French origin . . . 567 Of British and Foreign . 181 Of Frencii origin appointed :- To liCgisiative Council To Fxecutive Council To other oHices of profit Of British or Foreign appointed :- To the Legislative Council To tlie Executive To other ollices ;38 18 5 29 [having held in all 35 offices. 52 persons. 11 8 18 [having lield in all 22 olFices. 37 persons. tal re^ aui in' licl sh hii Lc tnJ rizl be as aui sei the ce( pr( th.' ha mc OP CANADA. 370 take the most cfTcctiial security in liis Majesty's power against the recurrence of any abuse in llie exercise of this part of his (lch>gate authority in Lower Canada, the Kinf,' is pleased to command that, in anticipation of any vacancies which may occur in the higher of- fices in that ])rovince, and es|)ecia)ly in alljuiHcial oflices, your lord- ship should from time to time transmit to the Secnitary of Slate, for his Majesty's consideration, the names of any gentlemen resident in Lower Canada, whom you may think best qualified to perform such trusts with advantage to the public. ]Iis Majesty proposes to autho- rize the nomination, as opportunity may occur, of the ])ersons so to be submitted for his choline, having regard to such representnlions as he may receive from your lordship, or from any other adequate authorities respecting the competency of such persons to the publie service. His Majesty is further pleased to direct that all offices in the gift of the king, of which the emoluniont shall amount to or ex- ceed 'iOO/. per annum, shall be granted under the |>ublic seal of the province, in persuance of warrants to be issued by liis Majesty for that purpose ; and that, except when the successhil can('idate shall have been previously approved by his Majesty in the manner already mentioned, he should be informed that his appointment is strictly provisional, until his Majesty's pleasure could be known. The control which it is thus proposed to establish over the hitherto unlimited powers of the governor, is not designed and will not be used as a means of securing to his Majesty's confidential advisers in this king- dom any beneficial patronage whatever. I have already expressed my entire approbation of the system hitherto observed, of consider- ing public em|)loyments in Lower Canada as properly appropriate to the inhabitants of the province. Without giving a pledge against any deviation from that rule in any solitary case (for such pledge might in the event prove embarrassing to all parties, and prejudicial to the welfare of the province), I can yet have no dilfienlty in acknowledging the rule as a general maxim from which no departure should be admitted, unless on grounds so peculiar as plainly to jus- tify the exception. It has also been represented that in some cases the same individual is charged with numerous offices of which the duties are incompa- tible, either by creating a larger demand on the time of the olTicer than any one man is able to meet, or by placing him in situations of which the appropriate fimctions clash and interfere with each other. From the generality of the terms in which this complaint has been made, it has not been in my power to ascertain the extent or reality of this grievance ; but in whatever degree it may be found to exist, your lordship will understand that his Majesty expects that it should be completely remedied : that all persons occupying any such in- compatible employments should be called upon to renounce such as 'I' ;^ 380 THE BUBBLES they cannot efficiently execute ; and that in future the general rule must be, that no person should be entrusted v ith any office of which he cannot discharge the proper duties with due punctuality and me- thod in his own person. 2. Complaint is made of an unjust partiality in favour of the use of the English language in all official acts. The foundation of this complaint appears to be, that thirteen years ago a bill for the union of the two Canadas was brought into Parliament by the then govern- ment, which, had it passed into a law, would have made English the single official language of both. I have no molive lor defending a scheme which was rejected by the House of Commons. A case is also said to have occurred at the di-tanceof about eleven years since, in which the judges refused to entertain an action, because some part of the proceedings had been written in the French language. This is admitted to be an isolated case; and it is acknowledged that neither in the courts of law nor in the legislature is any preference of one language over the other really shewn. I therefore do not find any grievance on this subject susceptible of a remedy ; nor is it in my power to strengthen the injunctions of Lord Ripon, on the im|)roi)riely of any such i)reference of the English over the French tongue. As, however, the complaint has been again urged by the house of assembly, your lordship will take the earliest opportunity of assuring them, that his Majesty disapproves, and is desirous to discourage and prevent to the utmost of his power, the adoption of any practice which would deprive either class of his subjects of the use in their official acts of that tongue with which early habits and education may have rendered them most familiar. Your lordship will signify your willingness to assent to any law which may give, both to the French and the English inhabitants, the most ample se- curity against any such prejudice. 3. Reference has been made to certain rules of court made by the judges, of which the earliest has been in force for thirty-four years, and the la!est for nineteen; and which are said to be illegal; and even to amount to a violation of the faith of treaties, and of the pledges of the King and parliament. It is admitted, that until the year 1834, those rules had been followed, without any complaint having been prelerred to his Majesty's government: I can, indeed, undertake to say, that until the fact was stated in evidence before the Canada committee of last year, the existence of such rules was alto- gether unknown in this country. Here, as on so many other topics, I am compelled to revert to the instructions of the Earl of Ripon, and to instruct your lordship to renew the proposal which he autho- rized Lord Aylmer to make to the provincial legislature, that a com- mission should be appointed to revise any rules of court made by the judges ; and Jthat on the report of such a commission, all such rules ineral rule ! of which ty and me- of the use on of this the union ;n govern- ngUsh the ^fonding a A case is »ars since, luse some language, edged that preference ore do not ; nor is it n, on the le French !d l)y the iportunity esirous to doption of cts of the labits and lordship nay give, ample se- de by the ur years, gal; and d of the until the omplaint indeed, efore the vas alto- er topics, f Ripon, le autho- t a com- Je by the ich rules OF CANADA. 381 as are either contrary to law or inexpedient should be revoked. I am not less solicitous than my predecessor, that such an inquiry should be made to embrace all the practice and proceedings of the superior tribunals, with a \io\v to rendering them more prompt and methodi- cal, and less expensive. If the house of assembly should think that these objects can be better eflected by any other method than that of a commission of inquiry, you will concur with them in carrying it into effect. 4. It is said that exorbitant fees have been exacted in some public offices. I have met with no proof or illustration of this statement. You will, however, acquaint the house of assembly that his Majesty will be happy to concur with them in the revision of the fees of every office in the province without exception, and in the appointment, should they think it expedient, of a commission of inquiry for the purpose. His Majesty has no wish on the subject, but that the re- muneration of all public officers, from the highest to the lowest, should be so regulated as to provide for the efficient discharge of the public service; an object which cannot be secured without a fair remunera- tion to the persons employed by the public. 5. A complaint is made of the practice of calling upon the judges for extra-judicial opinions on public questions. Here again I know not how to reduce the general statement to any specific form; I can therefore advance no further than to lay down, for your lordship's guidance, the general rule, that you do not call upon the judges for their opinion on any question which, by the most remote possibility, may subsequently come before them for decision. I should scarcely hesitate to interdict the practice of consulting them, altogether and without a solitary exception, if I did not remember that there are public contingencies in which the King would, for the common good of his subjects, be bound to take counsel with his judges. Such cases, however, will be exceedingly infrequent, and will arise only upon some of those great emergencies for which it is scarcely possible, or even desirable, that any definite provision should be made beforehand. To protect the independent exercise of the judicial office, not only against just censure, but even against the breath of suspicion, will be amongst your constant studies and most anxious endeavours. 6. Complaint is made of the interference of the government and the legislative council in the election of members of the assembly. With this general charge, I can deal only in terms equally general. If any such practice prevailed, of which however there is no proof before mo, your lordship will avoid with the utmost care every ap- proach to it. I acknwledge, without any reserve or limitation, the duty of the executive government of Lower Canada to abstain alto- gether from interference, d'rect or indirect, in the choice of the re- presentatives of the people , such an encroachment onPthe principles \ 8B2 THE BUBBLES of the constitution would be unattended even with a plffjsible pro- spect of temporary advantage. I earnestly hope that tl e assembly were misinformed as to the existence of any such practices; for I am well convinced, that it is by very dillerent methods that the legiti- mate authority and iniluence of the King's government in Canada is to be maintained. 7. I have road, not without deep concern, the language in which the house of assembly have spoken, in their ninety-two resolutions, of the conduct of the troops during the elections at Montreal : it is de- scribed as a sanguinary execution of the citizens by the soldiery. Anxious as I am to conciliate, by all just concessions, the favourable regard of the house, I am bound, by the strict obligations of justice to the British army, to protest against the application of such language to any part of a body, not less distinguished by their humanity and discipline, than by their gallantry. The house had appointed a committee to inquire into those proceedings, and had not received the report of the committee when they proceeded to pronounce this censure on the conduct of his Majesty's troops. The officers had been indicted before a grand jury of the country, and the bills had been thrown out for want of evidence. In assuming to themselves the power to inquire, the assembly exercised their legitimate privi- lege : in passing a sentence of condemnation pending that inquiry, and in direct opposition to the finding of the proper legal tribunal, they exceeded their proper authority, and acted in opposition to the parliamentary usages of this country. Nor can I receive such an unauthorized expression of opinion with that deference which it is my duty and inclination to show for every judgment of the house, falling within the appropriate sphere of their deliberation. 8. The assembly further complain that there is no method by which legal demands against the government can be enforced in the province. In the absence of any distinct proof or illustration of the fact, I can only express his Majesty's desire thatelVectual means may be taken for remedying this alleged defect in the law. 9. The too frequent reservation of bills for the signification of his Majesty's pleasure, and thedelay in communicating the King's decision upon them, is a grievance of which my inquiries lead me to believe the reality. Your lordship will understand that the power of reserv- ing bills, granted by the Constitutional Act of 1791, is an extreme right, to be employed not without much caution, nor except on some evident necessity. You will also have the goodness to remember the indispensable necessity of transmitting, with the least possible delay, the transcript of every lawofwhich the operation is suspend- ed, for the signification of the royal pleasure; and of accompanying every such transcript with such full and minute explanations as may be necessary for rendering the scope and policy of them perfectly fir! CGI of OP CANADA. 3H3 ble pro- issembly fur I am lio Icgiti- I Canada in which jtions, of it is de- soldiery, vourable af justice language nity and lointed a received ince this cers had bills had emselves ite privi- inquiry, [tribunal, )n to the such an ch it is house, hod by xl in the n of the ans may in of his decision believe rcserv- jxireme n some nember )ossiblc spend- )anying as may jrfectly intelligible, and for explaining the motives by which your lordship may have been influenced in declining to give your decision in ^he first instance. You will pledge his Majesty's government in this country to the most prompt and respectful attention to every question of this nature which may be brought under their notice. 10. My predecessors in oflice are charged with having, on various occasions, neglected to convey to the house his Majesty's answers to the addresses presented to him by that body. Whether this state- ment could be verified by a careful examination of any particular cases, I am unable to state with certainty ; nor on such a subject is it fit to make a conjectural statement. Your lordship will, however, assure the house, that his Majesty has been pleased to command, in the most unqualified terms, that every communication that either branch of the provincial legislature may see fit to make to him, be laid before his Majesty immediately on its arrival in this kingdom, and that his Majesty's answer be conveyed to the province with the utmost possible dispatch. The King cannot, however, forget that the delay which may occasionally have taken place in making known in the province his Majesty's decision uj)on reserved bills, or upon addresses from either house of general assembly, may in some in- stances have been either occasioned or prolonged by circumstances which no promptitude or zeal in his Majesty's service could have obviated ; as, for example, the rigour of the Canadian climate ob- structing, during a certain period of the year, the direct approach to Quebec and Montreal, and the imperfect nature of the internal com- munications through his Majesty's dominions in North America. 11. Much complaint is made of the refusal of information, for which the house of assembly have at diil'erent times applied to the governor of the province. After a careful examination of the proceeding's of the latest session in which any such applications were made, I have not been able.to avoid the conclusion that there is just ground lor the com- plaint. 1 do not perceive that any advantage would arise from enter- ing in this place into a very exact survey of tiie communications between the house and the governor resitecting the production of pa- pers. It is more useful, with a view to the future, to state the gene- ral principle by which your lordship will be guided. 1 think, then, that the correspondence between your lordship and the secretary of state cannot be considered as forming part oi those documents of which the assembly are entitled to demand, as a matter of course, the un- reserved and universal inspection or perusal. In the olficial inter- course between his Majesty and his .Majesty's representative in the province, conducted as such intercourse necessarily is, through the intervention of the ministers of the crown, much conliueiitial commu- nication must necessarily occur. Many questions require to be debated i lis- I \ / 384 THE BUBBLES copiously, and in all the various lights in which they may present themselves to the governor or to the secretary of state: and in such a correspondence it is necessary to anticipate emergencies which eventually do not occur, to reason upon hypothetical statements, and even to advert to the conduct and qualilications for particular em- ployments of particular individuals. It would he plainly impossible to conduct any public aifairs of this nature, except on such terms of free and unrestrained intercourse. It is no less plainly impossible to give general publicity to such communications, without needless in- jury to the feelings of various persons, and constant impediment to the public service. A rule which should entitle a popular assembly to call for and make public all the despatches passing between the King's government and his Majesty's local representative, would so obstruct the administration of public affairs, as to produce mischiefs far out- weighing the utmost possible advantage of the practice. In the same manner, there will occasionally be communications, in their own nature confidential, between the governor and many of his subordinate officers, which should also be protected from general publicity. , But though I think it right to make this general reservation against the unlimited production of all public documents, I am ready to ac- knowledge that the restriction itself may admit and even require many exceptions ; and that in the exercise of a careful discretion, the governor, as often as he shall judge it conducive to the general good of the province, may communicate to either branch of the legislature any part of his official correspondence, such only excepted as may. have been expressly declared or manifestly designed, by the secretary of state, to be confidential. But I am not aware of any other document connected with the public affairs of the province, the concealment of which from the assembly would be really useful or justifiable: especially whatever relates to the revenue and expenditure in all their branches, or to the statistics of the province, should be at once and cheerfully communicated to them. For cxamjjle, it will be desirable to make to the two houses such a communication of the blue books, or annual statistical returns, which are compiled for theuso of this department; and your lordship will solicit the assistance of the two houses of the local legislature, in rendering those returns as accurate and as comprehensive as pos- sible. In short, the general rule must be that of entire freedom from reserve. The particular exception, as it arises, must be vin- dicated by the terms of the preceding instructions, or by some ex- planation sufficient to show that secrecy was demanded, not for the protection of any private interest, but for the well-being of the pro- vince at large. In every case in which the production of any paper, .'J- OF CANADA. 385 present in such s which nts, and lar em- ipossible terms of tssible to Jless in- int to the ;mbly to ,e King's obstruct far out- tions, in ny of his general 1 against ly to ac- require ion, the ral good islature as may. jcretary e pubh'c ssembly lates to tatistics a led to houses etums, ordship slature, as pos- reedom )e vin- Ime ex- for the lie pro- 1 paper, in answer to any address of either house, may be refused, your lord- ship will immediately transmit to this oHice a statement of the case, with an explanation of the grounds of your decision. 12. The occupation as a barrack of the buildings which anciently were part of the Jesuits' college, is strongly reprobated by the as- sembly. I can only remark that this exception from the general transfer of the Jesuits' estates to their disposal, was made and vin- dicated by Lord Ripon on a ground which has rather acquired a new force, than lost any of its original weight. After an occupation of those buildings for this purpose, for much more than half a century, there has accrued to the Crown a prescriptive title, of which, however, his Majesty has never sought to avail himself. The King is, on the contrary, anxious that the buildings should be restored, as promptly as possible, to their original use ; nor will that measure be delayed for a single day, after other and adequate provision shall have been made for the accommodation of the troops ; but it is needless to remark that his Majesty has no funds at his disposal for that purpose. The pro- posed transfer of all the sources of local revenue to the house of as- sembly has deprived the King of the means of providing for this or any similar service. It must rest, therefore, with the house to erector pur- chase other barracks sufficiently commodious for the garrison, upon which the board of ordnance will immediately issue the necessary in- structions for evacuating the buildings at present occupied for that purpose. 13. The lease of the forges of St. Maurice to Mr. Bell has been made, and is now irrevocable. I do not conceal my regret, that this property v/as not disposed of by public auction to the highest bidder. Whatever arrangements may be hereafter settled respecting the terri- torial revenue, it will be necessary to prevent the granting of any crown property on lease in the same manner by private contract, and more especially when the contractor is a member of the legislative council. 14. Impediments are said to have been needlessly raised to the endowment of colleges by benevolont persons. I fear it is not to bo denied, that some unnecessary delay in deciding upon bills reserved for his Majesty's consideration, having such endovvmcnts for their object, did occur : a delay chiefly attributable to political events and the consequent changes of the colonial administration in this king- dom. I have no wish to withhold a frank acknowledgment of error, when really due, to the house of assembly, because 1 am persuaded that in that frankness they will perceive the best assurance of the sincerity with which, on behalf of the ministers of the crown, a pledge is given for the more prompt and exact attention hereafter to every measure which has for its object the institution in the pro- vince of any colleges or schools for the advancement of Christian knowledge or sound leaThing. 25 !:i;: t iiii_ THE BUBBLES lA. On the subject of the clergy reserves, of which complaint is still made, the arrangements proposed by Lord Ripon leave his Ma- jesty nothing further to concede. The whole question has been re- ferred to the decision of the provincial legislature. To obviate mis- conceptions, the draft of a bill for the adjustment of the claims of all parties was framed under his lordship's direction, and brought into the house of assembly. Anticipating the possibility that this bill might undergo amendments in its progress through the two houses, mate>- rially alTecting its character. Lord Ripon had instructed the governor, in that event, not to refuse his assent, but to reserve the bill. for the signification of his Majesty's pleasure. The loss of the bill is, how- ever, ascribed to the solicitor-general having, in his place in the house, stated that no amendment would be permitted. The solicitor- general's expressions may have been misunderstood ; but if this- was their purport, not only was the statement unauthorised, but directly at variance with the spirit of the instructions of the home govern- ment. I much regret the misapprehension, in whatever cause it may have originated. It may perhaps be ascribed to the fact, that Lord Aylmer did not think himself at liberty to produce to the house the Earl of Ripon's despatches on the subject. Your lordship will im- mediately communicate copies of them, inviting the council and as- sembly to resume the consideration of the question, upon the terms of Lord Ripon's proposal, to every part of which they may be assured of his Majesty's continued adherence. 16. Lord Aylmer's refusal to issue a writ for the election of a new member of the assembly, upon the declaration of the house that M. Mondelet's seat had become vacant, is condemned by that body as a violation of their rights. The question has lost much, if not all, of its practical importance since the passing of the recent law for vacat- ing the seats of members accepting places of emolument under the crown. Still, in justice to Lord Aylmer, I am bound to af- firm the accuracy of the distinction in reference to which he ap- pears to have acted. In cases where the vacancy of a seat may, consistently with existing usages, be notified by the house to the go- vernor without assigning the cause, he is bound to presume t'^at the adjudication of the house is right, and must carry it into eflect by is- suing a new writ. But in cases where usage requires that in the notification to the governor the causejof vacancies should be stated, then, if the cause alleged be insufficient in point of law, the gover- nor is not at liberty to comply with the request of the house. The concurrence of the governor and the house in any measure, cannot render it legal, if it be prohibited by the law of the land. To that rule obedience is emphatically due by those to whom the constitution has assigned the high functions of legislation and of executive govern- ment. If, therefore, Lord Aylmer rightly judged that M. Mondelet's OP CANADA. 3S7 seat had not beon lawfully vacated, his lordship adhorod to the strict line of duly in declining to issue the writ for which the house apjdied. If he entertained a serious and honest doubt on the subject, his lord- ship was bound to pause until that doubt could l»e removed by com- petent judicial authority. The subs('o cstnhlished a syslein of |»apt'r-inoney, based solely upon Ihelr own credit, nnd which our Imbifans have hod the folly to receive as ready money, al- though ills not hard cash, current amouK all nations, but on the contrary, which ig or no value, and, without the limits of the province, would not bo received by any person.' To obstruct tht; arrival of omigrants as nitich as possible, resort was had to oiio of those measures so coininon in Canadian legisla- tion, in which the object ol' the bill is at variance with its preamble. An Act was passed, (iWill. IV., c. 13, which, under the speciously humane pretence ol creating a fund to defray the expense of medical assistance to sick emigrants, and of enablinc; indigent persons of that description to proceed to the place of their destination, a capitation tax was imposed, which alVected <>migration to Upper as well as Lower Cancida; and the operation of it was such, that even an in- habitant of the former province, returning to his home by tho St. Lawrence, wa» liable to this odious impost. When every topic api)eared to be exhausted, Mr. Rodier, a member of the assembly, was so fortunate as to have discovered a new one, in the cholera, which he charged the English with having introduced among them. Absurd as this may seem to be, it was not without its elfect, and the simple-minded credulous peasantry were induced to believe it of a people of whom they had lately heard from their leaders nothing but expressions of hatred and abuse. ' When I sec,' said he, ' my country in mourning, and my native land presenting to my eye nothing but one vast cemetery, I ask, what hasl)een the cause of all these disasters? and the voices of tliousamls of my fellow citizens respond from their tombs, — it is emigration. It is not enough to scud amongst us avaricious egotists, witliout any other spirit of liberty than could be bestowed by a simple education of the counter, to enrich themselves at the expense of the Canadians, and then en- deavour to enslave them — they nuist also rid tlicinselvcs of their beggars, and cast them by thousands on our shores — they must send us miserable beings, who after having partalien of the bread of our children, will subject them to the liorrors of hunger and misery ; they nuisl do slill more — they must send us, in their train, pestilence and death. If I present to you so melancholy a picture of the condition of this country, I have to encourage the hope that we may yet preserve our na- tionality, and avoid those I'ulure calamities, by opposing a barrier to this torrent of emigration. It is only in the house of assembly' we can place our hopes, and it is only in the choice the Canadians make in their elections, they can ensure the pre- servation of their rights and political liberties.' Things were now rapidly drawing (o a crisis. The legislature was assembled by the new governor, and addressed by him in a long and * In a work published in France, for circulation in Canada, n very intelligible hint is given on tliis Nunject., ' As the house of asaembly votes rewards for llie destruction of wolves, it is no less urgent to devise means to prevent iuunigratiou from being a catuuiity for these colonies.' •ty : itio settle- |iuih their n their own money, al- rnry, which received by j|(*, resort n Icgisla- proainble. spcciutisly of medical )ns of that capitation IS well as »cn an in- by the St. Rodier, a scovorcd a ith having it was not intry were leard from 1(1 presenting ic of all these 1(1 1'rom their iuus egotists, cducaliun or und then en- ;ars, and cast gs, who after he liurrors of n Ihcir train, the condition erve our na- .his torrent of PCS; and it is sure the pre- slalure was a long and lligible hint k destruction of iug a caluuiity OP CANADA. 801 conciUatory spooch, in which tlio evils of internal dissensions woro pointedly and feelingly alluded to, and concessions siilHciently nu- morons mado to ha\e gratified the vanity and appeased the irri- tation of any other peoplu than those to whom it was addressed. Among other things, they were informed, that intending to remedy the evils of persons holding a plurality of olUces, ho had begun with the highest, and discharged some of his executive councillors. Thiij announcenuMit was received in the same spirit as all others of a similar nature; and his excellency having cancelled the commission of one gentleman, in consoi|uence of his holding a legal a|)pointment uHiler t)u' hoimt', the assembly thotight that so good an exam])lo could not be followed too speedily, and immediately dismissed him from the one he retained, because he tnts in tin- (umricil. A sup|)licant for money must learn to subdue his feelings, and ho who asks for broad must bo prepared to encounter insolence as well as destitution ; a dignified demeanor in but too apt to render poverty ridiculous, and a wise man generally lays it aside, to bo worn on tho return of hap- pier days. Tho local government was in great ))ecuniary distress; they were humble suitors at the portals of tho house, and showed their discretion, in regarding as a mistake what was intended as an insult. Warrants were also tendered to each branch of the legisla- ture for their contingent expenses; as those charges contained, on the part of the house, the salary of Mr. Roebuck and Mr. Vigor, agents in England, not appointed conjointly with tho council, but by simple resolutions of the house, such an appropriation without law had always been violently opposed, and the constitutionalists, fearing such a sacriflco of principle would be made, had, previously to the meeting of the legislature, made it the subject of much animad- version, and presented the governor with a resolution, '^That tho claim which has recently be.en insisted upon by the house of assembly, and occasionally atted upon by the legislative council, to obtain, by separate addresses to the governor, advances of unappropriated money, under the plea of defraying contingent expenses, but in reality embracing the payment of salaries or allowances not legally ^ia- blished, and more particularly as regards the pretensions of the assembly for expenses not incurred or to be incurred for the business of the sessions of that house, is altogether unfounded in law, unsup- ported by parliamentary usage, and subversive of the rights and liberties of the British subject.' Independent of the constitutional objection to the application of the public funds to the payment of persons whom the legislative council had not only not concurred in appointing, but to whose mission they had pointedly objected, they deeply deplored that so extraordinary a concession should be made, as the payment of every demand of that body that obstinately persisted in refusing to make any vote for the 30>i THE BUBBLES support of the government. Peace, however, was deemed paramount to every other consideration, and that nothing might be left undone to attain it, oven this sacrifice was not considered too great. They were now called upon, in the usual manner, to provide for the support of the judges and the oflicers of government, the public chest containing at the time 130,000/. sterling. The house had no sooner retired from hearing this address, than their speaker adopted his usual mode of inflaming his party by the most violent invectives against all the authorities both at home and in the colony, charging the one with deceit and hypocrisy in their words, and the other with oppression and peculation in their deeds. In a short time he brought matters to that condition he had so long desired. The house voted an address to his Majesty, in which they announced that they had postponed the consideration of the arrears,''and deter- mined to refuse any future provision for the wants of the local admi- nistration, in order the better to insist upon the changes which they required from the imperial authorities. Their utmost concession (and they desired it might not be taken for a precedent] was to ofler a supply for six months, that time being allowed to his Majesty's go- vernment and the British parliament to decide on the fundamental alterations of the constitution and other important measures included in the demands of the assembly. In ''lis bill of supply, which was for six months only, and merely passed for the purpose of throwing the odium of rejection on the other branch of the legislature, they excluded the salaries of the council- lors, of their assistant clerk, one of the judges, some usual incidental charges of the civil secretary's ofllce, besides other important sala- ries; and, as they had hoped, it was not concurred in. This was the first time they had left the executive without the means of con- ducting the government, for the sole and avowed purpose of procuring changes in the constitution. Of the confusion and distress which this repeated refusal of the assembly to co-operate with the other branches of the legislature produced in the province, it is difficult to convey any adequate idea. The province was far advanced in the fourth year since there had been any appropriation of provincial funds to the use of government; and although a sum, temporarily contributed from the British Trea- sury, had relieved the civil officers, so far as to give them one year's salary during that period,, the third year was passing away during which they had not had the smallest fraction of their earnings in the service of the public. The distress and embarrassment which this state of circumstances inflicted on the functionaries of the province, ■whose private resources are generally very limited, were as humiliating as they were unmerited. Many were living on money borrowed at an 61 rl oj cl el i OP CANADA. 393 )aramoiint undone to rovide for the public &sSf than ty by the home and y in their 3ir deeds, d so long nnounced nd deter- cal admi- ilch they )ncession s to offer 'Sty's go- Jamental included i merely ihe other council- iciderital nt sala- his was i of con- rocuring s which le other [Ticult to ere had nment; h Trea- B year's during s in the ch this evince, iliafing d at an exorbitant interest ; some could not but be reduced to the verge of ruin ; and to show that this suffering of individuals was not unattended with danger to the general welfare, it may be enough to remark, with- out painfully dwelling on private circumstances, that the judges of the country were amongst those ,who were left to provide for their subsist- ence as best they might, after three year's stoppage of their official incomes. This condition of affairs might naturally have been expected to terminate with the commencement of the present session. In the two previous years the supplies had failed in the assembly, either from differences with the governor for the time being, or from the refusal of funds for the payment of their contingent expenses; but when the provincial parliament last met, these grounds of dissension were removed. You will not perceive (the commissioners observed) amongst the grounds assigned for prolonging the financial difficulties, any complaint against the existing provincial administration, or the assertion of any demerit in the parties who continued to be deprived of their lawful remuneration. No local cause of quarrel was alleged, of which the settlement might be indispensable before the public busi- ness could proceed ; on the contrary, it was staled openly and without disguise, thai changes of a political nature were the end in view, and that until certain acts should be done, competent to no other autho- rity than the imperial parliament, and comprising organic changes in the constitution, by virtue of which the assembly itself existed, that the house would never make another pecuniary grant to the govern- ment. Thus the public servants, no parties to the contest, were afflicted merely as instruments, through whose sufferings to extort concessions totally independent of their will to grant or to refuse. It is scarcely necessary to remark, that the objects, for the enforcement of which even such nroans as these were thought expedient, had never been positively refused, but had only been referred to the commission of inquiry, in order that, before the executive branch of the govern- ment undertook to recommend changes of a very important and ex- tensive nature, it might receive advice from persons entrusted with the confidence of his Majesty. This, however, did not prove enough. Apprehensions of delay from the commission, and doubts of the free- dom with which it would act, were expressed in the address ; and the assembly intimated, with frankness, that it would allow of no de- liberation; that either its demands must be acceded to forthwith, or that it would employ its power over the supplies, to render the govern- ment of the country impossible. The sufferings of these officers was a matter of iv..disguised satis- faction to the disaffected, who made them the sulject of much face- tious comment on every occasion. The commis.')i<: ners very naturally observed on this peculiarity: 804 THE BUBBLES ' If proof were wanling that national distinctions do exercise an influence on the course of alfairs in this province, it might be supplied in the absence of all sympathy on the part of the house of assembly in the existing distress of the public officers. Those ollleers of government are for the most part of English origin, >\hi(-h, we think, explains the treatment of the public functionaries by the members of assembly. If both spoke the same language, used the same habits, and had those ordinary feelings of sympathy which must follow from any familiar inter- course ill private life, we do not believe it possible that one of the two could find resolution to plunge iiidiscriininntely ilie whole of the other class into difliculties, not for any acts of their own, not even for any obnoxious sentiments they might hold, but in order that, by their losses, a third parly might be induced, through compassion, to surrender objects desired at its hands.' Sucli, however, were the means through which thoy hoped to eflect their object, which they now announced as follows: 1. That the legislative council should be elective. 2. That the executive council should bo converted into a ministry responsible to the assembly. 3. That the Tenures' Act and Land Company's Act should be re- pealed. 4. That the Crown revenues should be surrendered uncondi- tionally. 5. That the management of the waste lands should be given up to them. And they further declared, that they would pay no arrears, or vote any civil list, until these demands should be complied with. Here the government also made its stand, and very properly said. We shall concede no further; these demands involve a surrender of the colony to one party within it, and we are not justified in granting them, consistently with the duty we owe to the crown, to the public, or to the colonists of British origin. In order that you may understand the bearings of these demands, which are now the real points in dispute (all others having been dis- posed of), it will be necessary for me to consider them separately; but as I have already shewn you that 'nationality,' 'independ- ence,' and republicanism were their avowed ultimate objects, and also the quo (in'fnio in which they were demanded, you may naturally infer that they themselves considered them as materially contributing to that end, and essential to prepare the country (as Mr. Papineau described it) for a future state cf political existence, which ho trusted would be neither a monarchy nor an aristocracy. Indeed this has never been denied any where but in England, and here only by a party who are desirous of applying the same elective principle to the house of lords, most probably with the view of producing a similar result. 1st. The first demand was that the legislative council should be elective. The legislative council is contemporaneous with the house of as- OF CANADA. 3115 influence on ibscncc of all or the public iglish origin, the members its, and had miliar inter- vo could find > diflicuKies, I (bey might :cd, through 5d to effect I ministry ild bo re- uncondl- ven up to '» or vote Brly said, render of granting e public, emands, )een dis- •arately; depend- cts, and aturally ributing apineau trusted this has ly by a 5 to the similar }uld be I of as- sembly, owing its existence to the constitutional act of 1791, and was the first instance known in the colonics of such a body having a dis- tinct existence, separate and apart from the executive council. It consisted at first of fourteen members, and, in October 1837, of forty, eighteen of whom were French Canadians ; but as there were several unable to attend from infirmities and old age, Lord Gosford reported that not more than thirty-one could bo assembled, thirteen English and eighteen French members, of whom three at most were persons holding office under government. This body has, as far as the de- pendent nature of a colony permits, analogous duties to perform to those of the house of lords, and, when judiciously selected, is essential to deliberate and useful legislation, to sustain the prerogative, to up- hold the connexion between the mother country and the colony, and to give security to the hundred and fifteen thousand subjects of Bri- tish origin in the province. This much was admitted even by the commissioners of inquiry, whose reluctant tribute appears not to have been given until ingenuity had sought in vain for a better sub- stitute. * hi the revision and correction of bills sent up to them by the assembly, we have no doubt, however, that the council has often rendered valuable services to the country, and has no less fulQUed one, perhaps, of its peculiar functions, by its rejection of measures which the constitution would not admit, thereby relieving the representative of the King from the duly of withholding^ the royal assent to them : such as bills in which the assembly encroached upon the royal prerogative, tacked to their grants of money conditions deemed in England unparliamentary, or took it upon themselves to attempt the repeal of a British statute.' It has been the unceasing aim of Mr. Papineau and his party to libel this body as a combined faction, actuated by interest alone to struggle for the support of a corrupt government, adverse to the rights and wishes of the people. One of the charges brought against it was that there were too many persons in it holding odice, and that complaint was not without its foundation. Indeed it was so appa- rent, that, from 1829 to 1835, twenty-one new councillors were appointed wholly independent of government. Another charge pre- ferred against it was the rejection in ten years of 169 bills sent to them by the other house, as contained in the following tables : — I i I :iur> THE BUBBLES YEAR. Uejected Ity Amended by Total. (be Gonncil. Cuuncil. 18£2. 8 8 1823. 14 2 16 1824. . 12 5 17 1825. 12 5 17 182«. . 10 8 27 \'M7. No Hcssion. No Session. No Session. 1828) 182!) r * IG 8 24 1830. 16 8 24 1831. 11 3 14 1832. 14 8 22 Total 122 47 160 This charg(3 has been reiterated in the other colonies, where the explanation never followed, and in some instances, from the circum- stantial and formal manner in which it is made, has not been without its effect. It will be observed that they are charged with rejecting 169 instead of 122 bills, every exercise of the constitutional right of amendment being considered equivalent to rejection. Every suc- cessive year the bills which had been disagreed to were again trans- mitted to them, to swell by their rejection the amount of their offences. Deducting the number produced by this multiplying process, the amount of bills rejected fulls under forty, which is an average of less than four a year. In addition to this formidable list which had not been concurred in, another interminable one was offered of those which had not been considered, the explanation of which I find in the words of the commissioners : — ' Much obloquy has also, we must assert, been unjustlv attempted to be thrown on the council for the rejection of bills sent up to them late in the session, when there were no longer the means of forming a house in the assembly to take into consideration any amendments that might be made on them.' Instead of preferring complaints against this body for acts of omis- sion, they might have been more successful had they rested satisfied with charging them with acts of commission ; for, although they can be justified for their rejection of pernicious bills, what shall we say to their want of firmness in afterwards passing some of those very bills, under the dictation of that assembly that was arming itself with fresh charges from these instances of its weakness? But the time had now arrived when it was alike independent of the crown and the people, and could neither be influenced by the timid fears of the executive, nor the violence and invective of the assembly. So long as a majority of office-holders and people connected with govern- OF CANADA. 897 •an ment had scats at the council board, the factious majority of the house could exercise a control over the council, through the state of de- pendence and subjugation in which they kept the executive. Every governor had lately shewn a desire to win the honour of pacifying Canada, — had receded and conceded, offered conciliation and endured afironts, borne and foreborne, in a manner that it is quite humiliat- ing to contemplate, — and had used his influence in the legislative council to aid in the execution of instructions which, although they are justly entitled to the merit of kind intentions, have not so much claim upon our admiration on the score of their merit or their dignity. We find, indeed, the aid of the secretary for the colonies called in, and JYiL, Stanley reproving them for even insinuating a doubt of the loyalty of these omnipotent men, and regretting that any word had been introduced which should have the appearance of ascribing to a class of his Majesty's subjects of one origin views at variance with the allegiance which they owe to his Majesty. The house had, however, by their incessant complaints, purified the board of every person upon whom this influence could be exerted. This inde- pendence of executive influence is thus alluded lo by Lord Aylmer : — ' It would be difficult, perhaps, to find in any British colony a legis- lative body more independent of the Crown than the legislative council of Lower Canada ; and so far am I from possessing ^ as the King's representative ^ any influence tJiere, that I will not conceal that I have, on more than one occasion, regretted the course adopted hy tlie council. But whilst I make this confession, I will not deny but I have, on the contrary, much satisfaction in avowing that I re- pose great confidence in that branch of the colonial legislature. It is a confidence derived from my knowledge of the upright, inde- pendent, and honourable character of the great majority of those who compose it, and of their firm and unalterable attachment to his Majesty's person and government, and to the constitution of the colonies as by law established.' The council had actually become, what it ought to be, the representative of the independent people of the country — of the wealth, intelligence, and virtue of the colony. The assembly, therefore, voted that it was more mischievous than ever, and resolved that it should be elective. It is but due to them here to say that this idea is not thought to have originated in Canada, but to have been communicated to them, with other equally judicious advice, from England. It is certain that it has been advocated here, if not strongly, at least warmly, and was supported in the house of lords by Lord Brougham. From a careful perusal of what his lord- ship said upon the occasion, which was declamatory and not argu- mentative, I am inclined to believe it received his support, not so much because he thought so, as because the ministry did not think Sim THG BUBBLES SO, as tho whole speech appears to be the cflect of strongly excited feeh'ngs. Any organic change in the legislative council must be well con- sidered, before it is granted, in two distinct and separate bearings, first, as it atTects the connexion with this country, and, secondly, as it atTects the interests of the colonists themselves. The avowed ob- ject of the assembly in advocating this change, is to procure an identity of views in the two branches, which would be effected by their being elected by the same persons, or what is the same thing, by the same induenccs. Were this to take place, it would be a du- plicate of the house, registering its Acts, but exercising no beneficial legislation upon them. A difference of opinion then, whenever it occurred, would not be between the two houses, but between them and the governor, and it is easy to conceive how untenable his posi- tion would soon become. At present, although possessing a veto, and forming a constituent, he can hardly be said to be a deliberative branch of the legislature, but by this change either such duties must necessarily devolve upon him, and occasion the exercise of incom- patible powers, or in evtry instance w here he differed in opinion, he would be compelled to resort to a rejection of the measure. The commissioners, whose reasoning on the subject is not very intelligi- ble, have been more fortunate in the expression of their impar- tiality, having recorded at the same time their approbation of the principle, and their conviction of the danger of its application. The object of the French party, it is said, is to assimilate their institutions to those of the United States ; but the situation of the country is so different from that of any state in the union, that there is no analogy whatever. Instead of two co-existent but independent chambers, it would in fact be only one body occupying two halls. In Canada there is unfortunately wanting among the French popu- lation, the salutary controul of public opinion. The population is wholly unfit for the exercise of the important duties of self-govern- ment. Scattered over a large surface, ignorant of constitutional principles, and inattentive to public affairs, they impHcitly follow a few leaders, who have the choice and the management of their represen- tatives in their own hands, and who, if this change were conceded, would place in both houses such ])orsons as would follow their iiistructions. It were needless to ask in such a case what would become of the British i)npu1ation ? That Mr. Papineau knows but litile of the constitution of the United States which he affects to admire, and claims to imitate, will best appear from the following extracts from American constitutional writers : ' All ihe powers of government,' says Mr. Jedorson, ' legislative, executive, and judiciary, result lo the legislative body. The concentration of these in (he OF CANADA. 890 same banda is precisely tlie deflnition or a despotic government. It will be no al- leviation, that these powers will be exercised by a plurality of hands, and not by a single one. One hundred and seventy-three despots would surely be as oppressive as one. Let those who doubt it turn their eyes on the republic of Venice. An elective despotism is not the government we fought for ; but one which should not only be founded on free principles, but in which the powers of government should be so divided and balanced among several bodies of magistracy, as that no one could transcend their legal limits without being elfcclually checked and restrained by the others.' Another author says, * Another and most important advantage arising from this ingredient is, the great difference which it creates in the elements of the two branches of the legisla-' turd ; which constitutes a great desideratum in every practical division of legislative power. In fact, this division (as has been already intimated) is of little or no in- trinsic value, unless it is so organized, that each can operate as a real check upon undue and rash legislation. If each branch is substantially framed upon the same plan, the advantages of the division are shadowy and imaginative ; the visions and ■'.peculations of the brain, and not the waking thoughis of statesmen or patriots. It may be safely asserted, that for all the purposes of liberty, and security of stable laws, and of solid institutions, of personal rights, and of the protection of pro- perty, a single branch is quite as good as two, if their composition is the same, and their spirit and impulses the same. Each will act as the other does ; and each will be led by some common iniluence of ambition, or intrigue, or passion, to the same disregard of public interests, and the same indiO'erence to the prostration of private rights. It will only be a duplication of the evils of oppression and rash- ness with a duplication of obstruction to etTective redress. In this view the orga- nization of the senate becomes of inestimable value.' Again he says, ' The im- probability of sinister combination will always be in proportion to the dissimilarity of the genius of the two bodies; and therefore every circumstance consistent with harmony in all proper measures, which points out a distinct organization of the component materials of each, is desirable.' And again this is very powerfully put by an eminent republican writer : ' The division of the legislature into two separate and independent branches, is founded on such obvious principles of good policy, and is so strongly recom- mended by the unequivocal language of experience, that it has obtained the general approbation of the people of this country. One great object of this separation of the legislature into two houses acting separately, and with co-ordinate powers, is to destroy the evil effects of sudden and strong excitement, and of precipitate mea- sures, springing from passion, caprice, prejudice, personal influence, and party intrigue, and which have been found by sad experience, to exercise a potent and dangerous sway in single assemblies. A hasty decision is not so likely to arrive to the solemnities of a law when it is to be arrested in its course and made to undergo the deliberation, and probably the jealous and critical revision, of another and a rival body of men, sitting in adifferentplace, andunder belter advantages, to avoid the prepossessions and correct the errors of the other branch. The legislature of Pennsylvania and Georgia consisted originally of a single house. The instability and passion which marked their proceedings wore very visible at the time, and the subject of much public animadversion : and in the subsequenL reform of their constitutions, the people were so sensible of this defect, and of the inconvenience they had suffered from it, that in both states a senate was introduced. No por- tion of the political history of mankind is more full of instructive lessons on this subject, or contains more striking proofs of the faction, instability, and misery of States under the dominion of a single, unchecked assembly, than those of the Italian !< 1 400 THE BUBBLES republics of the middle ages, and yihkh in great numbers, and with dazzling but transient splendour, in the interval between the fall of the western and eastern empire of the Komnns/ They were all alike ill-constituted, with a single unba- lanced assembly. They were all alike miserable, and ended in similar disgrace.' The second demand was that the executive council should be converted into a ministry responsible to the assembly. The existence of a council to advise the governor in the conduct of aflairs may be traced back to the first establishment of a civil government in this province under the authority of Great Britain. The royal instructions to General Murray, dated 7th December 1763, commanded him to appoint a council as therein specified. The statute of the 14th of Geo. III., c. 83, established it in a more formal manner, and conferred upon it certain legislative powers ; but in 1791 the con- stitutional act provided for the existence of two councils, a legislative and an executive one ; and accordingly, by royal instructions, dated the I6th September of that year, the latter was appointed to consist of nine members, with a salary to each one respectively of one hundred pounds. Additional or honorary members have since been occasionally added to the board. Of the functions of the executive council the most comprehensive description is that they are bound to give their advice to the governor whenever it is requested. -j- There are certain cases in which the governor is required to act by and with their advice, but in far the greater part of the business of government he is at liberty to receive their advice or not as he pleases. It audits public accounts, has some direction of the crown lands, and constitutes a court of appeal. It can assemble only on summons from the governor, is sworn to secresy, and confers no privilege on its members of either recording their several opinions or entering their protests individually. This body, it is demanded, should be converted into a ministry and be made responsible to the assembly ; the answer to this is strongly and pointedly given in the report of the commissioners:— * The house of assembly, in their answer to the governor's speech at the opening of llic laic session, and in Iheir subsequent address to his Majesty, dated the 36lh of February 1836, expressed their desire for a 'constitutional responsibility' of the exenilive council, based on the practice of the United Kingdom. We have already had occasion to advert to this proposal incidentally in our report of the 12lh of Alarch, but a recapitulation of what we then advanced, and some further examina- tion of the project, may not be superfluous here, especially as the subject has ex- cited such keen interest in Upper Canada since the time when we last noticed it. On that occasion we observed, that while in England it was a maxim of the con- sliluliun that no wrong could be imputed to the sacred person of his Majesty, the head of the executive here was a servant of his Majesty, responsible to the King * I would refer the reader, if he feels inclined to pursue this subject, to Sir James M'lntosh's celebrated Introductory liecture, written in 1797 ; in which by anticipation he coiniiosed with great skill and ability the coudemuation of his own conduct on the Reform Lill. f See Appendix to Report of Commissionera. i OF CANADA. 401 izzting but ind eaitern ngle unba- ir disgrace.' should be ( existence s may be mt in this istructions led him to he 14th of nner, and L the con- legislative ions, dated I to consist Bly of one since been e executive are bound equested.-i" id to act by business of not as he the crown ble only on confers no al opinions a ministry T to this is ssioners: — tt the opening laled Ihe 26iii ibility' of llie Iiave already )f the 12lli of llier examina- ibjccl has cx- ast noliccd it. m of the con- s Majesty, the e to the King t, to Sir James anticipation he on the Reform and to parliament Tor his conduct ; that therefore it was necessary that his measures should he under his control, in lilte manner as their consequences rested upon his character ; that to render the executive council responsible to any but the governor himself, would demand the allotment to them of new powers commensurate with their new responsibility, and would require a corresponding diminution of the powers of the governor; that thus the direct tendency of a council, responsible in the sense we were then considering, was to withdraw part of the administration from his Majesty's representative in this province, and to abridge to that extent the efliciency of the functionary on whom, above all otiiers, his Majesty must rely for retaining the allegiance of the colony. ' We would now remaric further, that the question is not between responsibility and irresponsibility absolutely, but only as lo a peculiar sort of responsibility, which it is wished to attach to the executive council. The weightiest responsibility which can attach to any man in matters of a public nature for which he is not punishable by law, or by loss of office, is the accountability to public opinion, and from this the executive councillors arc not even now exempt, though, in consequence of the rule of sccresy (which we shall presently propose materially to relax), they are not so much open to it as might be wished. They arc already amenable lo the courts of law for any offence, legally punishable, which may be brought home to them ; they would also, we apprehend, be made amenable to the jurisdiction of any court which may be established for (he trial of impeachments against public functionaries ; and they are liable to be dismissed by the same authority which appoints them. These different liabilities constitute a responsibility, than whi^b we linow not what other is borne by any public servants. ' But if the councillors were rendered accountable for the acts of government, and accountable not to the executive authority by which tliey arc appointed, but immediately to the house of assembly, we thinic that a state of things would be produced incompatible with the connexion between a colony and the mother country. The council having to answer for the course of government, must in justice be allowed also to control it ; the responsibility, therefore, of the governor to his Majesty must also cease, and the very functions of governor, instead of being discharged by the person expressly nominated for that high trust, would in reality be divided among such gentlemen as from time to time might be carried into the council by the pleasure of the assembly. The course of affairs would depend ex- clusively on the revolutions of party within the province. All union with the empire, through the head of the executive, would be at an end ; the country in short would be virtually independent; and if this be the object aimed at, it ought to be put in its proper light, and argued on its proper grounds, and not disguised under the plausible demand of assimilating the constitution of these provinces to that of the mother country.' I shall not weaken the effect of this by any remarks of my own, but merely observe, that if a majority in the house, appointing the legislative council, and controlling the executive, is not a state of in- dependence as regards Great Britain, and of despotism as regards the province, it must at least be admitted, that it confers all the advan- tages of such a condition but the name. The third was a demand for the repeal of the Tenures Act and the Land Company's Act. On neither of these topics is it necessary to dwell longer than to explain the nature of them. I have already ob- served that Canada was subject to the old feudal law of France, and I refer you to page 307 of this work for an account of their more promi- nent features. The inconvenisnce of this sort of tenure has been very strongly felt, and particularly in towns, as preventing the transfer of 26 4M THE BUBBLES property and'its consequent improvement. The English population, especially of Montreal, complain that to allow the exercise of soi- gneurial rights over a city destined by its situation to become a great commercial emporium,* is nut merely to give a fatal wound to the progress of the city itself, but it is weakly, impolitically, and unjustly to sacrifice the interests of trade and of future generations, through- out a large portion of both provinces, to which its extended commerce under happier auspices, might be capable of giving prosperity and comfort. They say that the lods et eentes, or mutation fines,'amount- ingbylaw to one-twelfth of the price upon every sale, constitute one of the greatest grievances, but by no means the only one, arising from the present tenure, and which cannot be removed while the sei- gneury continues to be held in mortmain. Supposing a manufactory or building worth 12,000/., to be erected upon a lot not worth lOOL, if the proprietor has occasion to sell, and could even find a purchaser willing to give him the sum he has ex- pended in the erection of the edifice, he is nevertheless liable to lose 1,000/. as a punishment for having had the industry, the means, and the enterprise to bolKl; because the claim of the seigneurs is not the twelfth of the original value of the ground merely, but the twelfth of the amount of the money and labour of others laid out upon the building also. This, under the feudal system, becomes a privileged debt to the seigneurs, who have not expended a farthing. But this is not all — the next and the next vendor, ad infinitum, must each in turn lose to the seigneurs a twelfth of the purchase-money. So that if, in the exigen- cies of trade, or by inevitable misfortunes, the building should change hands a certain number of times, the seigneurs will benefit by these evils to the amount of 12,000/., the full cost of the edifice, to which they have contributed nothing, being one hundred and twenty times the original value of the lot. Instances are known where the claim for lods ct eenlcs, deferred until the occurrence of several sales, has swept away at once the whole price for which the lot, buildings and all, have been sold. It has been assertedf by men of great local knowledge, that the entire value of all the real estate and buildings in the city of Montreal (the property of, and erected at the cost of many thousands of indivi- duals) must, every forty years or less, be paid into the hands of the seigneurs; and this is exclusive of the rents of the seigneury. Thus the value of all the real estate and building existing forty years ago when the buildings were much fewer, and the value of the real estate far less than at present, has certainly, within the last forty years, passed into their hands. In like manner the number of buildings, * SeeLeUersof Anti-Bureauerat. t J. Thorn. Esq. OF CANADA. 40S )s, has and value of real estate, will ot necessity be so much augmented diir- ing^the next forty years, that at the end of that period it is likely that the present value of all the real estate and buildings \vill also have passed into their hands, should the feudal tenure be allowed by suf- ferance still to retain its possession. It is to be remarked that this enormous contribution, this appalling and blighting exaction, isprin~ cipally raised from improvements of which Englishmen and English commerce are the creators and cause. This old law also allows of a system of mortgage called hypotheque, which may aflect the land in a variety of ways without enabling any one creditor of the owner of the land to know what is passing or has passed between his debtor and any other person. The system of general mortgage aggravates in a tenfold degree the evils of secret obligations. For wher'* mortgages spring from such a variety of cir- cumstances, and are created in such a variety of ways, their secresy, even if they were special, would bo sufliciently pernicious , but their generality engenders evils absolutely intolerable and altogether in- credible. Through that generality of mortgages, a man cannot hold real property for an hour without vitiating its title to the amount of all his previously granted notarial obligations. In this way, a man raay pollute the title of real property, that virtually never belonged to him. He may have bought a farm or a house on credit, may have been obliged by want of funds to restore it to the seller, and may thus have burthened it with a hundred previously contracted debts of in- definite amount. The tacit hypotheque is of five kinds :— 1. The dower of his wife, unless barred by an ante-nuptial contract; 2. Security to his ward, in the event of his being appointed guardian to any minor, which he may be without his own consent, the office being in many cases com- pulsory; 3. The same obligation in the event of his being named cu- rator, trustee, or administrator of any intestate person ; 4. The obli- gation of an heir, entering on his inheritance, to the payment of the debts of the person from whom he received it, or sans bem'-fice cCin- ventairc; 5th, and lastly. The liability of public servants for the due performance of their trusts. The wife's dower, moreover, is the in- heritance of the children of the marriage, and consequently an entail is created by it, as well as a life interest. The British government thought it was conferring a great benefit upon the Lower Canadians in proposing to change the tenures, so as to get rid of those circumstances which thus depreciated the value of land, and retarded the improvement of Canadian trade and agricul- ture; and all unbiassed men would, and did, agree with the govern- ment on this point. The first provision on this subject consisted of two clauses of the Canada Trade Act (3 Geo. IV., c. 119, s. 31 and 32), by which 401 THE BUnnLES liis Majosly wns ompoworod lo nf^roo with all soi^jnours for tlio coni- iinitnlinn of their dues to the Crown, and nlsu to commute with such I'en.sitiiircM as hehl immediately of the Crown, and tore-grant botU to one class and the other their lands in free and common soccago. In addition to, and amendment of this Act was passed the Geo. IV., c. r,{i. The most important clauses are as follow : Sec. 1 — Provides Tor llie commutation (on rctjucsi) of the tenures of land held of the Crown. Sec. 2 — Provides that rights of the seigneur shall not be alTected till such com-> mutation is fully made. 8oc. 3 — Declares that persons holding lands in fief, and obtaining a conimuta- tion from the Crown, shall be bound lo grant a like commutation, ir rci|uired, to those holding under them, Tor such indemnity as shall be flxed b) experts, or {iec. 4), by proceedings in a court of law. Sec. 5 — Declares that on such agreement or adjudication the tenure shall bo converted into free and common soccngc, but sec. provides that this shall not discharge n man or dues or services then accrued to the lord. Sec. 7 — Persons applying for cammulalion arc to give public notice lo mort- gagees and others having claims on the lands. Sec. H — Lands hojden in Tree and common soccagc in Lower Canada, are to be subject to the laws of England. Sec. 9 — Provided, nevertheless, thai nothing herein contained shall extend to prevent his 3Iaiesly, with the advice and consent of the legislative council and assembly or the province or Lower Canada, from making and enacting any such laws or statutes as may be necessary for the better adapting the before-mentioned rules of the laws of Kngland, or any of them, to the local circumstances and con- dition of the said province of Lower Canada, and the inhabitants thereof. Such arc the provisions of tho act, the repeal of which is so im- periously demanded. Unreasonable, however, as the request was» thiis lo make a disgraceful retrograde movement to barbarous usages, it was met in the only way it could be : the act 1 W. IV., c. 20 was passed, leaving the whole subject to be dealt with by the provincial legislature as it should think fit. The re eal of the Canada Land Companies act is next insisted upon. On t'.iis subject, it will be quite sulTicient to state their dertiand, to which no honest man could give any other answer than it has already received — an unqualified refusal. They require that an act of parliament, incorporating this company, and conferring upon them certain privileges, and a title to lands, upon which they have expended large sums of money, should be re- pealed, and the property confiscated. The only charitable way of viewing the demand, is to consider it not so much an evidence of moral turpitude, as a manifestation of contempt and insolence towards the parly, to whom it was addressed.* * But aUiioui;h they cousidered every institution and iisapre of their own so sacred as to admit of no change, they viewed those of the Englisii in a very different li^lit. Tlie con- ceding and respectful conduct of Government formed an aninsiug contrast with their au- dacious insolence. To mark, their contempt for regal rights, they passed an Act to make notice of action served on the attorney-general, for damages against the Crown, legal and binding. If the suit went agjiinst the Crown it was provided, that execution might issue against the governor, and tlie furniture, or the guns of the fortress. ■I mpany, lands, be re- way of 3nce of owards red an to I'lie con- their au- to make egal and ;ht issue OK CANADA. 405 Fourth. — Then IoIIonvcjI a (Icmfiiul lor l\w iiiicoristitntionni sur- reiulor ol" Ww crown revenues. You will recollect that the Canada coniniillee of pariijiuient, as it was (*alletl, reported, that although the duties, l)!'f(ir(^ allude*! to, wens Nesfed in the (Jrown, they were pre- pan;d to say lh(5 real inl(Mests ol' the colony would ho best promoted by placing them under the controul ol' tin; house of assembly. Heinp; prepared to say a Ihini,', and belnj,' prepared lo show or prove a thing, happen, unlortunalely, to be widely dilllTent; and, as the rommitten eontenled themselves with the foruHM*, we art; not in possession of the grounds u[>on which they fidt pnipared to say so. They were doubtless (piite siiilicient at the lime, although they, unfortunately, did not continue to be so long enough for the act (1st and '2d Will. IV.) to reach Canada. For tho real interests of the colony, it is very evident, have not been best promoted thereby. It would appear also R that that great and single minded man, the Duke of Wellington (who probably knew quite as much of the French as the committee did), was not prepared to say so, but, on the contrary, ho entered his pro- tost against the measure : ' These persons,' said he (meaning the judges), 'will thus become dependent u|)on the continued favour of the legislative assembly, for the reward of their labours and services ; the administration, within the province of Lower Canada, can no longer bo deemed independent; and his Majesty's subjects will havo justice administered to thoni by judges, and will bo governed by ofllcers situated as above described.' Tho event has justified his grace's expectations, and disappointed those of the committee. This unconditional surrender was made on the full understanding that a civil list would be granted, and the administration of justice perma- nently provided for: — the former they refused. They had now got the ofTicers of government at their mercy, and were determined to keep them so; and the judges they made independent of the Crown, but dependent upon them for their annual allowance, depriving tho government of the power of removing them, except upon impeach- ment, and reserving the right themselves lo remove them at pleasure, by withdrawing their salaries. Having succeeded in this, they now demanded the rents of the real estate, belonging to the King, in Canada, and this too they are promised, when they shall vote the civil list, — one of the resolutions introduced by Lord John llussell, being, 'That it is expedient to place at the disposal of the legislature the net proceeds of the hereditary, territorial, and casual revenues of theCrowtn, arising within the province, in case the said legislature shall see fit to grant a civil list, for defraying the necessaiy charges of the administration of justice, and for the maintenance and unavoid- able expense of certain of the principal officers of the civil govern- ment of the province.' The great error that has been committed in these unconditional surrenders of the revenue of the Crown, is in HPP I 406 THE DUnnLES attiMiipMnjj; to koop up an analoiiy, thattloos notoxist, to tho practiso in Knulaiul. T'.u^ coni!uill«>(! lost si^iil of the ini|)()rtant distirictiun thai Canada is a colony, and that wliut ini^lil i)0 very rii^ht and proper lioro, would 1)0 noilhor rii^Ut nor (Expedient there. The otlicers of government are not merely the otlicers of Canada, hut the ollicors of Great Itritain, and, hy f^iving the legislature a eontroul over them, they surrender the imperial power over tlio provin(;e. They should 1)0 removeable, not when the l<\gislature, like the committee of par- liament, is '|)re|)ared to say' so, hut when it is 'prepared to prove' that they ought to he; hut their salaries should ho heyond thocontroul of the local assemhiy. This position is too obvious, and has received too n\uch painful corroboration, in recent events, to require any further comment. Lastly. — They reipiired the management of the waste lands to be given up to them. The object of this extraordinary claim, now for the first time put forward in the history of colonisation, was for the avowed purpose of controlling emigration from Great Britain, which they had already impeded by a capitation tax, by refusing to establish an elTicient quar^iintine, or to give aid to the improvement of the har- bour of Montreal ; by endeavouring to alarm settlers on the score of insecurity of title, and in an attempt to ruin the banks. In Mr. Papineau's celebrated pamphlet, to which I have previously alluded, he says, 'the protection, or, to speak more plainly, English sovereignty over Canada, brought other evils in its train. A swarm of Britons hastened to the shores of the new colony, to avail them- selves of its advantages to improve their own condition.' History alTords so many proofs of the license used by a people when flushed with victory, that this gentleman's sur|)rise at the English taking the liberty of settling on tl:c waste lands of a colony, which they had so gallantly conquered, alVords a pleasing proof that the natural sim- plicity of the ''anadian characier was not yet wholly destroyed by the study of politics. Xli. tt, however,' he continued, ' was not suf- ficient for their cupidity, they established themselves in our cities, and made themselves masters of all the trade, as well foreign as do- mestic' 'For many years they took but a niall share in our poli- tical alTairs. The elections remained free from their intrigues, because they could have had no chance of practising any amongst a popula- tion nine times more numerous than themselves. But within these live or six years they go about boldly' To prevent this evil, which was growing in magnitude every year, *of their interesting themselves in the political allairs of the province,' in proportion to their numbers, they demanded tin; control of the wild lands, and, reverting to abstract principles, started this new doctrine: 1 , i 1 OF CANADA. 107 ' That in any new discovered or newly occupied country, the land belongs to the Koverninciil ol' tin; nation taliiiimiDsscssioM ol' it, and that settlers in it, so long as they retain the character only ul' iini^ranls IVoni the mother country, can claim no more than what has heen {^ranted to them as individuals; ixit that when a distinct boundary has liceii assi^ned to tli(>ni, and they come to be incorporated into a body politic, with a power of le||islation for their internal aliairs, the terri- tory within their boundary becomes, as a matter of ri^ht, (he property ul' tlic liody politic, oroi the inliabilants, and is to be disposed ol' accordinK to rules framed by their local Icf^islature, and no lonjjer by that ol' the pareii'. slate.' On this point tiie commissioners reported as follows: — ' This proposition rests, as we understand it, entirely upon abstract ^rounds^ and we believe tliat we are authorized in saying that it never has been entertained by Great Kritain or any other coloni/in;; power. That the un^^ranted lands in any colony remain the property of the Crown has, on the contrary, we believe, been the universally received doctrine in Oreat hritain, and although the constitutional act docs not expresdy assert a ri^lit ol' which its I'ramcrs probably never conlcm- plated a doubt, the lands of the province are mentioned in the 'MMh clause as being thereafter to be granted by his Majesty and his successors. While, therefore, we arc quite ready to admit, that in the disposal of the ungranled lands 'he interests of the first srltlcrs ought never to be lost sight of, and also that the wishes of the local legislature should ite consulted, provided they are made known to his Majesty in a constitutional manner, wc cannot recognize in any way the abstract principle set up for it in opposition, not merely to the general laws and analogies of the Hritish empire, but to the clear meaning of the Act l»y which alone the body pre- ferring the claim has its existence. It must, wc apprehend, be the main oljject in every scheme of colonization, that the parent state should have the right to establish her own people on such terms as she may think fit in the country colo- nized; and at present perhaps her North American colonies arc more valuable to England a>> receptacles for her surplus population than in any other way. Wc cannot, therefore, believe that England will consent to a doctrine that will go to place at ttie discretion of any local legislature the terms on which emigrants from licr shores arc to be received into her colonies.' Hero, however, the government again shewed its anxiety to gratify their wishes as far as it was possible; and in their iindeviating spirit of conciliation, although they could not grant t'-ie whole demand, endeavoured to meet them half way, by replying that »hey -id no objection to the legislature prescribing the rule of management » the Crown lands, but their application must be confined to the executive. Such are the demands which were then made, and are still put for- ward by the leaders of the Canai!ian party ; demands, which it is evident amount to a claim by one part of her Majesty's subjects, to an independent controul of the colony. LETTER XI. As the assembly had separated with a declaration that they would never vote a civil list, until all their requests were granted, it was \ i ^ 408 THE BUBBLES necessary for parliament to interfere, and Lord John Russell proposed and carried certain resolutions, of which the substance is as follows: * Istly. That in the existing state of LoAver Canada, It is unadvisable to make the legislative council elective, but that it is expedient to adopt measures Tor secur- ing to that branch of the legislature a greater degree of public conGdcncc. ' 2diy. That while it is expedient to improve the composition of the executive council, it is unadvisable to subject it to the responsibility demanded by Ihe house of assembly. ' 3dly. That the legal title of the British American Land Company to the land they bold under their charter, and an act of the imperial parliament, ought to be maintained inviolate. ' 4thly. That as soon as the legislature shall maKc provisions by law for dis- charging lands from feudal dues and services, and for removing any doubts as to the incidents of the tenure of land, in free and common soccage, it is expedient to repeal the Canada Tenures Act, and the Canada Trade Act, so far as the latter re- lates to the tenures of land in this province, saving, nevertheless, to all persons the rights vested in them under or in virtue of those Acts. ' 5lhly. That, lor defraying the arrears due, on account of the established and customary charges of the administration of justice, and of the civil government of the province, it is expedient, that, after applying for that purpose such balance as should, Ai the lOih day of April last, be in the bands of the receiver-general, aris- ing from the hereditary, territorial, and casual revenues of the Crown, thegovernor of the province be enipovvered to issue, 0ut of any other monies in the bands of the receiver-general, such further sums as shall be necessary to eiTect the payment of such arrears and charges up to the 10th of April last. ' Glbly. That it is expedient to place at the disposal of the legislature the net proceeds of the hereditary, territorial, and casual revenues of the Crown, arising within the province in case the said legislature shall see fit to grant a civil list for defraying the necessary charges of the administration of justice,, and for the main- tenance and unavoidable expenses of certain of the principal oflicers of the civil government of the province ; and, lastly, ' That it is expedient that the legislatures of Lower and Upper Canada re- spectively, be authorized lo make provision for the joint regulation and adjustment of questions respecting their trade and commerce, and of other questions wherein they have a common interest.' Whether the spirit of concession had not been heretofore carried too far, and whether the public affairs of Canada ought to have been suilercd (even for the amiable and praiseworthy object of endeavour- ing, if possible, to satisfy the dominant party in the house), ever to have arrived at this crisis, are questions upon which I have no desire, on this occasion, to enter, being foreign to my object, which is to show you that the French-Canadians have no claim to sympathy * as our oppressed and enslaved brethren.' But that th^se resolutions were indispensable, that they were not resorted to till they were ne- cessary, and that parliament was justified in this exercise of its su- preme authority, no unprejudiced and right-thinking man can doubt. A colony is a dependent province, and Great Britain is an independ- ent metropolitan state. The controlling power must obviously be greater than the power controlled. The power, therefore, of a co- lony being limited, if it assumes to pass those limits, it is no longer dependent but independent. It is not only the right but the duty of OF CANADA. 400 proposed s follows : lie to make I for secur- e. e execulivc y 'the house to the land ought to be iw for dis- loubis as to xpedient to le latter rc- persons the ilisbed and ernment of balance as neral, aris- le governor ands of the payment of ire the net >n, arising pivil list for ilie main- )f the civil anada re- idjustment IS wherein ) carried ive been leavour- ever to desire, ch is to athy * as solutions i^ere ne- f its su- n doubt, idepend- ousiy be of a co- a longer duty of Parliament to restrain, within their constitutional limits, provincial legislatures in the same manner as it is the right of the colonists to exercise those powers constitutionally, and their duty not to attempt to exceed those limits. When one branch of a legislature resolves that it will never perform its functions until a co-ordinate branch, de- riving its authority from the same source as itself, is destroyed, it exceeds its due bounds, or rather relinquishes the exercise of all con- stitutional power. In the pamphlet already alluded to, Mr. Pdpinoau says, * The constitution has ceased to exist of right, and in fact can no longer Le maintained but by force.' Here, then, was a case for the legitimatr interference of Parliament, an interference which no reflecting colonist will ever object to, else there would be no appeal but to the sword whenever a designing demagogue should unfortu- nately obtain a majority of obstructive members in the assembly; but these revolutions were said to be a violation of the declaratory act of 1778, and an unconstitutional mode of levying taxes on the Cana- dians, and appropriating their money without their consent 1 It is not material to the argument to mention, but it is a singular fact, that the revenue happens not to have been raised by people of French origin, and that therefore as far as they are concerned, their money has not been appropriated without their consent. Tlie ques- tion is often asked by the Upper Canadians, on what does a French inhabitant pay duty?* Is it, they say, on woollen stuffs of his own maii;«ufacture? Is it on wooden shoes, the produce of his forest? Is it on to^aqco, the produce of his own fields ? Is it on sugar, the juice of his own maple groves? Is it on wine which he never tastes? Is it on i;oo; .s which he cannot read ; oi'on postage of letters he cannot write? is it on spirits distilled from his own grain ? But this is n )l to ih.i purpose, it was money that they had a right to dispose of themselves, if they had thought proper to do so, and must so far bo considerv-^ ( ihe revenue of the whole public. These rosolutions imposed no taxes, they merely applied towards the discharge of salaries of the civil officers of the government, cer- tain monies already accumulated under existing laws, in the hands of the treasury, to enable the executive to carry on the government. That i* was applied without their consent to this purpose, is true, 7iot Ik muse they did not consent to vote supplies (and it is most material to observe this distinction], hut because they had refused todischartjc ah'ij of their duties as an assembly, or in any manner to co-operate with tlie ether branches: and had themselves, by this suicidal act, suspended the constitution and thrutvn the whole country into an- archy and confusion. It was a case fully wilhin the liinilation prescribed by Burke : * See letters of Caniiliiis. 410 THE BUBBLES ' For my part,' says thai great man, ' 1 look upon Ihc rights stated in that act exactly in the manner in which i viewed ihem on iis very (irsl proposition, and which 1 liave often taken the liberty, wuh great hiimilily, to lay before you. I look, I say, on ihe imperial rights of (iieat Britain, and the privileges which the colonists ought to enjoy under these rights, to be just the most reconcileable things in the world. The parliament of Great Britain sits at the bead of her extensive empire in two capacities ; one as the local legislature of this island, providing for all things at home, immediately, and by no other instrument than the executive power. The other, and 1 Ihink her nobler capacity, is what I call her imperial rkaractcr; in which, as from Ihe throne of heaven, she superintends all the several inferior legislatures, and.'guides and controls them all without annihilal* ing any. As all these provincial legislatures are only co-ordinate to each other, they ought all to be stibordiiuilc to her; else they can neither preserve mu- tual peace, nor hope for mutual jnslice, nor cfTeclually afford mutual assistance. It is necessary to coerce the. negligent, lo restrain the violent, and to aid the weak and deGcient, by the over-ri- irig plenitude of her power. But in order lo enable Parliament lo answer all thcLi n.i f provident and beneficent superintendence, her powers must be boundless, -a jointlemcn who think the powers of Parlia- ment limited, may please theniselv ■ I I thus nlmnilonin^ his posl\vithoiitlonvc; nnd it was incumboiiton tho government to have vimlicaled Iho honour of Iho Crown, by ordering the captain of the Inconstant to reUirn immediately lo Quebec with his lordsliip, and to deliver to him, within his government, tho ac- ceptance of his resignation. It would have taught the misguided people of Canada to respect, if they could not love, tho even-handed justice that could visit with punishment the disobedience of a gover- nor-general as well as that of a peasant; and they would have seen in the return of the one, and the exile of the other, a practical illus- tration of the only equality I hat honest and sensible men ever desire to 'jeliold — ' tlie equality of all in the eye of the law.' The moral el ct of such a measure, combining vigour with impartiality, would have gone far towards tran(|iiilli/ing Canada, and would have enabled his lordship, when he next addressed the people of England, to have pointed to it as a proof that his mission, however it might have allected himself, had terminated in a manner that was useful to tho colony and honourable to the government. Of the ill-advised and ill-timed manifesto it is unnecessary for me to speak; its ellbcts are but too visible in a new revolt, to which its unguarded language gave too much encouragement. Nor shall I enter upon the serious charges ho has brought against that august hody, of which he has the honour to be a member, of legislating, where Canada is concerned, ' in ignorance and indiirerence.* To shake the confidence of tho colonists in the justice and integrity of that high tribunal, to which they have to look as a last resource, was indeed unkind to them, unworthy of himself, and injurious to tho honour of the house he has assailed. He who advocates democratic institutions will soon find tho effect of his theory influencing his own conduct, and though he may commence in the assertion of principles, he is apt to end in the expression of feeling. The natural tendency of such opinions is to level all distinctions. Although we have great cause therefore for regret, we have none for surprise in this attempt to measure his nolde colleagues by so humble a standard. I am willing, however, to do his lordship the justice to believe, that when the irritation that caused this ebullition of feeling shall subside, he will himself regret, as deeply as every right-thinking man now does, that he should have judged that assembly in temper and pique; and that he will feel he has afforded some room for ill-nature to suggest, that although he had a right, if he thought proper, in the exercise of a laudable diffidence, to have appropriated those attributes to himself, he was not justified in extending an indiscriminate application of them to others. That many of the measures he proposed for the benefit of Canada were good, it would be uncharitable to doubt; but as none of them have been matured, it would be presumptuous to say so. That others, however, were of a dangerous nature, we have OF CANADA. 417 nbont on tho , by ordering Quebec with icnt, tho ac- 10 misguided even-handed of a {^ovor- Id havo seen ractical illus- n over desire Tho moral tiahty, would have enabled ;land, to have might havo useful to tho essary for mo ;, to which its Nor shall I st that august of legislating, ference.' To d integrity of ast resource, jurious totho 3S democratic icing his own of principles, irai tendency ve have great I this attempt idard. I am e, that when I subside, ho lan now docs, d pique; and re to suggest, 10 exercise of es to himself, pplication of losed for the to doubt; but ptuous to say jre, we have rcnsun to know. The evils to bo reaped from this mi.SHiun havtt not yet ri|)onod for us to gather; but tho seed i.s sown, and it is to be feared taken root too extensively. What could bo more injiidicioiis than lo send lo tho contented and happy colonies of Nova Scotia and New nrunswick, and ask for deputies, to listen to crude and un- digested schemes for their future government, or to give their own visionary plans in exchange for his? What nii»ro cruel than to un- settle men's minds as to the form of their government, and make the stability of their institutions a matter of doubt? Wluit more perni- cious than to open a political bn/aar at Quebec fur the collection and exhibition of imaginary grievances ? In the Lower Provinces wo are contented and happy. We need no reforms but what we can oflect ourselves; but wo are alarmed at changes which we never asked, and do not require. The federative union ])roposed by his lordship has opened a wide field for speculation, directed men's minds to theo* retical change, afTorded a theme for restless young demagof^ues to agi- tato upon, and led us to believe that our constitution is in danger of being subverted. Most people think, and all reflecting men know, that it would ripen the colonies into premature independence in less than ten years ; and who, I would ask, that is attached to the mother coiintry, and desirous to live under a monarchical form of go- vernment, can contemplate a scheme pregnant with so much danger, without feelings of dismay ? Who could continue to live in New lirunswick, if at every disturbance in Canada, the governor-general is to propose to new-model their form of government? Who would consent that that united and loyal colony should have its peace and happiness jeopardized by any union with the disaflected and trouble- some French Canadians, or will approve of the political quackery that would compel Nova Scotia to swallow a nauseous medicine, for the purpose of efl'ecting a cure In Canada? The danger arising from such visionary schemes as have lately been unfolded to the colonies, is passed for the present, and I heartily rejoice that it is, but it is to bo hoped that powers co-extensive with the Lower Provincj ., 'iiay never again be entrusted to any man. In this country there is a ge- neral and very natural repugnance manifested to give up the bodies of deceased friends for experiments for the benefit of science. It is ilifTicult to imagine how so sensitive a nation could consent that their colonists should be considered of less value, and be delivered into the hands of the operator, for the advancement of politics. In Paris, I heard with horror that a lecturer had illustrated his theory by applying his dissecting knife to the Hmbs of a living animal. I shuddered at the recital of such atrocious cruelty ; but little did I dream that, at that very time, a kind and merciful Providence was graciously averting a similar fate from our own species en the other side of the water. 27 IIS THE III niiLKH All Itritisli AnKM'icn has Ihmmi n^itahul during IIk; past summer, l»y suhstcntial fears, or mnckoil hy uiironl hopes, and ambition hn>i now reached where sedition failed to penetrate. The absurd and impracticable scheme of colonial representation in Parliament, al- though disgusting, from its rank properties, to delicate palates, was well suited to the rapacious appetites of provincial sycophants. The bait was well selected, and soon attracted the lon!c;ing regard of by its soporific elTecl, and ha>e dreamed of this ladder, as did Jacob of old, and of the ascent it oiTered to high places. The woolsack and the ermine — the treasury and the peerage — appear within their grasp, and they invoke blessings on the man who promises so much, and who hints at his power to do even more. If I did not feel too indignant at all this, I too might weep over the scene of folly and of weakness, and would mingle my tears of sorrow with those that pridchas shed, and blot out all trace of it for ever. The advocate of the ballot box and extended suffrage is not the man to govern a colony. While you have been speculating upon the theory, we have been watching the experiment. When the lower orders talk of these things, we know what they mean ; their lan- guage is intelligible, and their object not to be mistaken ; but when a nobleman advocates democratic institutions, we give him full credit for the benevolence of his intentions, but we doubt the sanity of his mind. Keep such men atbome, where there is so much of rank, intelligence, and wealth to counterbalance them. Here they serve to amuse and gratify agitators, and make useful chairmen of popular as- semblies, by preserving a propriety of conduct and a decency of lan- guage, where violence and onirage might otherwise prevail. But send them not among us, where their rank dazzles, their patronage al- lures, and their principles seduce the Ignorant and unwary. If we tres- pass upon your rights of sovereignty, repress us ; but while you main- tain your own privileges, respect the inviolability of ours. When we ask in the Lower Provinces for a federative union, it will be time enough to discuss its propriety ; but in the mean time spare us the infliction of what to us is so incomprehensible and so repugnant — a radical dictator and a democratic despot. I have already far exceeded the limits T had designed to confine iiimmcr, ition lin-^ mrd ami lont, al- itcs, was ts. Tho 5a rd of a our sor- trils liavo ng odour 3 surfaro ! has ol- :;li lilicrat pro' were at the trouble of inquiring into the nature of his views were al- ready convinced of his error. His lordship also has informed tlie good people of Devonport that he has made iniporlanl discoveries on the other side of the water. Had his mission been merely designed for ids own instruction, the public, while they admitted the necessity that existed for it, would have applauded his zeal in such a useful and necc.jsary pursuit; but as it was undertaken at no inconsiderable expense to the nation, they have reason to regret that this remark- able illumination Y,'as deferred until the moment of his return. What the extent of these recent revelations may be, we are not in- formed, but we may be permitted to hope that he has learned tliis important truth, that he who Undertakes the benevolent odice of calming the excited passions of others, should first learn to govern his own. That there arc serious difficulties in the way of the paci- Hcntion of Canada there can be no doubt, but greater difficulties have been overcome by Van Amburgh, who exhibits every night, for tin; edilication of governmerit and the amusement of Cockneys, animals, whose natures are more ferocious, and antipathies more powerful than those of the English and French, living in the same cage in (ho utmost harmony; and what is still more important, enjoying (he most unrestrained freedom of action within their assigtied limits, and yet making no resistance (o (he salutary controul of an external power, Jiistiiin i't t(>ii;iriMii propositi viiuiti Nlui civiMii ardor pruva jiilx'iititini, Nun viiliiiR instBiitiN tyrauni Menti' (|iintit Nolidft. But let me nol be misunderstood by the nature of this allusion. It must not be supposed that the assembly, because they have done so much that is objectionable, were always wrong in what they required, or the legislative council, because it is such a loyal and respectable body, were always right in what they refused. This was far from being the rase. Many of the demands of the Canadians were reason- able and just, and many of the changes they desired, were for (ho bcnetit of the country ; bu(, unlortunatidy, the violence of their lan- guage, am' e unconstitutional and arbitrary acts to which they re- sorted, in (he attijiiiment of (hosi' objects, left no room to doubt tha( they were more bcnl upon hdvine a grievan(c thin ticcking rodrcs.s; and (hat (hoy v^ouh] ra(h»!r have provoked ii rofu.^.il (ban ob(aincd a OF CANADA. 121 concession. On tlu) other band, tho council, like most similar bodies, Ins always contained some men wbo were solfisb in disposition and irUra in opinions, and whose conduct was calculated to irritate llic opposite party, and to do more mischief than if they bad openly es- poused their cause and adopted their principles. Dut whclbor the assembly was right or wrong in what it required, or the council jus- tiPicd or not in its opposition, the former has succeeded in all its demands. The subject has now assumed a new aspect. Pretensions have been put forth that involve the question of independence, and Great Britain must now decide whether she is to retain the province or not. It is a crisis in the history of this country which other nations regard with intense interest. The fate of Canada will determine that of all the other colonies. The retreat of the soldiers will invite the incur- sions of the barbarians, and the withdrawal of the legions, like those of Rome, from the distant parts of the empire, will show that Eng- land,* conscious of her present weakness and past glories, is contract- ing her limits and concentrating her energies, to meet, as becomes her character, the destiny that awaits all human greatness. " As a colonist it would be unpardonable in me not to acknowledp^e in adequate terms the iibligntion we are under to the chairninn of the finance cuinniittee fi»r tlie iinportuiit diNe,nverie!i he has recently made in colonial matters. Otiier men may rival him in in- dustry, bnt for masterly and statesman-like views he is without a eompetitor. It in singular that the egregious error Great Britain hus heretofore conimilted in considering hei foreiirn jiossessions of great value should never have been detected before, and that our forefathers should have had so little knowledge of political economy as to return as sources of wealth, and power, what it now appears have always been prodiictive of a fearful an- nual lo.sM. It would seem that the siuTace of Great Britain, instead of being too small for her populittion, is too extensive, and that, instead of carrying on her immense colonial trade her.self, she might be spared the trouble by transforming the colonists into foreign- ers, and periiiiUinir otiiers to do that drudgery for her. It is said that the same error has been comntilted by tlie owners of timber-trees, in permitting the absurd arrangement of nature, with respect to the limbs to continue unreformed, that they v^juld be much more vigorous ir the brunches, with their prodigious expenditure on the leaves, were all lopped on (for it is a well-known fact that the trunk supplies the branches with snp, and not llie branches the trunk^, iind that the stem would he larger, stronger, and better without such useless and expensive ap|)endages. Truly this is the age of wonders, but this discovery of the worthy chiiirmiui is the most wonderful one of modern times, although, stranj^e to say, it is by no means appreciated as it deserves to be. It would be unfair, as well as un- generous, to detract from his merit, by saying that he borrowed the idea from agriculture, t)Ut it must be admitted that there is n wonderful coincidence between his principle and that of the ditcher. A drain, it is well known, is lengthened bjr being cut at both ends. Now he a^)pears to h>)ve applied this principle to England, and infers most justly that the Miort^ she is reduced in size, the greater will be her circumference. Having froved this most satisiactorily, he ndvaiires some most important, but. startling propositions, namely, that the Muialler your propeity, the leas you have to defend; the fewer markets you can command, the more will he open to you ; the more d»r|ien(lant you are upon fonigiiers lor sfdeor supply, the more crrtuiu you are of never wanting either; and others of a similiir nature, ills accuracy in figures is truly astonishing, iind is only to he euunlled by the truth of the principlf s they evolve. Then romes the im|)ortant qucNtion , ' If Kngl^oid has i;rown so great, so rich, and so powerful, in. spite of all these exjiensive pn-^sessioiis, how much greater, richer, niul more powerful would she je without them.' b)very true lover of his country must rejoice to see that its real interests are so well understood, and s<> ably supported — ' Nil despHi nudum, auspice Tcucro.' KND or THF: BTTP! LKK of CANADA