CIHM Microfiche (Monographs) ICiVIH Collection de microfiches (monographies) Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions / Institut Canadian de microreproductions historiques /^i OO/I I Technical and Bibliographic Notes / Notes techniques ct bibliographiques The Institute has attempted to obtain the best original copy available for filming. Features of this copy which may be bibliographically unique, which may alter any of the images in the reproduction, or which may significantly change the usual method of filming, are checked below. Coloured covers/ Couverture de couleur □ Covers damaged/ Couverture endommagee D Covers restored and/or lamir^ated/ Couverture restauree et/ou pelliculee □ Cover title Le titre de missing/ couverture manque □ Coloured maps/ Car n D n tes geographiques en couleur Coloured ink (i.e. other than blue or black)/ Encre de couleur (i.e. autre que bleue ou noire) Coloured plates and/or illustrations/ Planches et/ou illustrations en couleur Bound with other material/ Rclie avec d'autres documents Tight binding may cause shadows or distortion along interior margin/ La reliure serree peut causer de I'ombre ou de la distorsion le long de la marge interieure Blank leaves added during restoration may appear within the text. Whenever possible, these have been omitted from filming/ II se peut que certaines pages blanches ajoutees lors d'une restauration apparaissent dans le texte, mats, lorsque cela etait possible, ces pages n'ont pas ete filmees. Additional comments:/ Commentaires supplementaires: L'Institut a microfilme le meilleur exemplaire qu'il lui a ete possible de se procurer. Les details de cet exemplaire qui sont peut-etre uniques du point de vue bibliographique, qui peuvent modifier une image reproduite. ou qui peuvent exiger une modification dans la methode normale de filmage sont indiques ci-dessous. D Coloured pages/ Pages de couleur □ Pages damaged/ Pages endommagees □ Pages restored and/or laminated/ Pages restaurees et/ou pelliculees Pages discoloured, stained or foxed/ Pages decotorees, tachetees ou piquees □ Pages detached/ Pages detachees Showth rough/ Transparence □ Quality of print varies/ Qualite inegale de I'impression □ Continuous pagination/ Pagination continue □ Incli Corr eludes index(es)/ Comprend un (des) index Title on header taken from:/ Le titre de l'en-t£te provient: □ Title page of issue/ Page de titre de la li □ Caption of issue/ Titre de depart de la li vraison vraison □ Masthead/ Generiq ue (periodiques) de la livraison This item is filmed at the reduction ratio checked below/ Ce document est f ilme au taux de reduction indique ci-dessous. 10X 7 12X 16X 20X i^j^ c6X 30X 24 X 28X n 32 X The copy filmed hare ha* been reproduced thanks to the generosity of: D.B. Weldon Library University of Western Ontario L'exemplaire filmd fut reproduit grAce i la g6n6ro8it6 de: D.B. Weldon Library University of Western Ontario The images appearing here are the best quality possible considering the condition and legibility of the original copy and in keeping with the filming contract specifications. Original copies in printed paper covers are filmed beginkJng with the front cover and ending on the last page with a printed or illustrated impres- sion, or the back cover when approprfate. All other original copies are filmed beginning on the first page with a printed or illustrated impres- sion, and ending on the last page with a printed or illustrated impression. The last recorded frame on eech microfiche shall contain the symbol — ^- (meaning "CON- TINUED"), or the symbol V (meaning "END"), whichever applies. Les images suivantes ont 6ti reproduites avec le plus grand soin, compte tenu da la condition at da la nettetA de l'exemplaire filmi, et «n conformity avec les conditions du contrat de filmage. Les exemplaires originaux dont la couvertiire en papier est imprimis sont filmis en commenpant par le premier plat et en terminant soit par la darniire page qui comporte une empreinte d'impression ou d'illustration, soit par le second plat, selon le cas. Tous les autres exemplaires originaux sont filmAs en commenpant par la premiere page qui comporte une empreinte d'impression ou d'illustration et en terminant par la dernidre page qui comporte une telle empreinte. Un des symboles suivants apparaitra sur la derniire image de cheque microfiche, seion le cas: le symbole — ► signifie "A SUIVRE", le symbols V signifie "FIN". Maps, plates, charts, etc.. may be filmed at different reduction ratios. Those too large to be e:itirely included in one exposure ere filmed beginning in the upper left hand corner, left to right and top to bottom, as many frames as required. The following diagrarr^s illustrate the method: Les cartes, plenches, tableaux, etc., peuvent Stre fiim^s d des taux de reduction diffdrents. Lorsque le document est trop grand pour dtre reproduit en un seul clichd, ii est film6 A partir de I'angle supirieur gauche, de gauche ^ droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d'images n^cessaire. Les diagrammes suivants illustrent la mAthode. 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 Bi .-^f-' MICROCOPY RESOLUTION TEST CHART (ANSI and ISO TEST CHART No. 2) 1.0 I.I 1.25 1^ 15.0 2.8 1^ m ^3 4.0 Ui >Uu 1.4 2.5 2.2 2.0 1.8 1.6 A APPLIED IIVMGE Inc 1653 East Main Street Rochester, New York 14609 USA (716) 482 - 0300- Phone (716) 288-5989 -Fax P^^^^^^iBPf 1 1 ■ ?■, ynii.?n J ^^nr^> v?i •. wv! ir-.n jl/:3 ^•i^r^MilSGW-, A.v.^t^.{B'-^/r n¥'M,i-iS:/^^;./"'^:|'Aj;MTV ""1" ■•.:.>%•,! ■^./■•*.:^r*^ H M^ ' •i 4 HQBBpil.'f- : r\ .'I \} %\ Q A( a THE ikito ImtUiA OR, THE AGE OF WONDERS, SATIRICAL POEM, — ♦- BY ANN PAINTI^R, TO wnrcn is added ALSO THE OUEEN OF MAGIC IWENTIONS, A OOMIC SONQ, Adapted to the tune of tlie "King of the Cannibal Islands." *•••» HAMILTON . Printed by Gillespy h Robertson, < Spectator ' Office, Court-House Square. 1858. m> ) \ e S ?- \ s TO THE READER. " Toe Widow Justified " w«. written for my own amusement, to ridieule what i, neither more nor leas than an imposture; it was not intended for publiea- tion till self-justification called for it. The Author. i ) -b'X^'' Hi THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED- OR, THE AGE OF WONDERS. Thl?' '"'•!.°f,«°'o'"°n he was the wisest man IndMT 7'' ^-ghout Creation's span. And that all other 2nen he did excell Yet even this wise man by ^oman fell. J^or lovmg many women tar too well ;^. his old age he unto dotage fell. ' Ihe Proverte he has left for our direction Wh,ch well deserve our calm and close in pection And, If observed, would teach us circumspoo io " One of t/r"<^ '"'^ ^^" P«--- -0"ght. IW ' ^'l^y^' ever held as true, 1 t nea h t e Sun there nothing is that's new ; p '' '^ "'^'^e « truth in what I have to state Kespecting what has here occurr'd oJ lat THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED. The Wise Man's Proverb must be set aside If this my verse is unto truth allied : For tho' the close, I own, is but conjecture. The rest, I'm sure, is truthful as the Scripture. Some years ago, suppose we say three-soore- It would not be much less or yet much more- A Highland Scotchman braved the Ocean's roar. And safely landed on this friendly shore. He came infected with that human itch- That is— his earnest wish was to get rich. Kept within bounds this wish is very right. So Justice, Mercy, Pity 's kept in sight ;' But riches are too apt to cause perversion. And, to the graces I have named, desertion. He 'd wed in his own land a gentle dame, Of lineage good, and of a spotless fame : She bore him, after they had cross'd the waters, A son called -lames, and, I believe, some daughters.' bXi^ J^ THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED. Ho was a Hignlander of sturdy growth And much unlike the race of sunny South- A Vig'rous man, fresh from his native soil And was well fitted for Canadian toil ' He was no tiller of the yielding sod But used the trowel, bore at times the hod Of masons' knowledge he had gained a stock- He help d to raise a monument to Brock He was, in building, quite a speculator And with his gains, purchas'd many an acre. At length the trowel he no longer plied, But till'd the soil the trowel had supplied. Hiyuture path it seemed to him quite clear. But what is stable? what's abiding here. ' Wie who had been the solace of his life ' H.. loving jE.._his pleasing, gentle wife- Was struck by Death, tho' yet but in her prime And soon remov'd from buffetings of Time ' tJ?^^ THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED. H,s sturdy spint bent-it was not broke- He firmlj bore the unrelenting stroke • And Time, that soother of our earthl/woe, WhK.h softens all our care while here below, Enabled him to bear his lonely state T-U he again sought out another mate — For, havng known the joys of wedded' life He could not .eem to live without a wife - He choose a matron of a pleasing mien, To fill the place of his departed Jean • ' And all was well ; but, Oh! uncertain 'state- Ueath soon deprived him of his second mate ' Agam-alone-he spent in grief his years W.th none to soothe him in this vale of 'tears lo share his joys, or yet ease his vexation He had. It seems, an amorous complexion • Was vig'rous still, tho' he had gain'd ^our^core ; Of wor. ly goods, too, he had gotten store 8 b^O^ 'i i THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED. He was a social man ; the life he led, It did not suit him sole in board and bed ; And people thought he was too old to wed. At length his thoughts, it seems, were fully bent ; To have a Housekeeper was his intent. She was a Widow, was just in her prime A snare to man— at least so says my rhyme. They easy catch old ijien—they have such tact-- Much more than Maids— believe me, 'tis a fact ; For they are practised, and, no doubt, remember The likeliest way to kindle up the embers : They know the seasons, and the likely motions Which, in unwary mortals, kindle notions. (A Widow, if she 's charms, I will engage To outwit wisest men of any age.) So he engaged her— what harm could there be— He 'd reached ye^^rs at least 'twere eighty-three ? m^ H:>^- f li ' THE WIDOW JUSTIMED. The Widow eyed the fruitful growing ft™ And a, ,, ^.,,^^ ^,^^ ™' She o „e.e,,; wouid .a,-, wouid We Li„e , And then .he'd scan the old ^an's bending frle' I wel (she thought) would like to share his board • ,. f;*' f "' *° ■>- hi„. for n.y wedded lord ' I^^^e another ehing; for, whon once wed I must, of course, be share, of his bed -» And then she mused— her thnn„Kf r I ratV.,. ti.- 1 ., thoughts I cannot state : i rather thnik they were indelicate. My reader, p'rhaps, will think the Widow en-'d That 't was odd feelings which her bosom sti; ' How could she hope to kindle in his breast ' Fyhngs one would have thought, were sunk to rest » Yet, thought the Widow, as .he oft demurr'd They w.,1, like embers, rouse if they are stirr'd." \ ) , THE WIDOVv- JUSTIFIED. And tho' the snows of age were a defender, She thought, if well besieged, they would surrender The Widow's love grew strong-'twas for the farm' Its fruitful acres, did her heart so warm. The loathing which, at first, was rather stron-. Became more weak. The thought he'll not live Tong Was ever uppermost within her mind. She was attentive, and she grew more kind ; She was an adept, so well play'd her part, ' She rous'd the am'rous feelings of his heart Yet, when the poor old man was in a trance. And in Love's passages wish'd to advance, She tried to check the ardor of his flame ; Said, Widows quickly lose their honest flme • Fear'd that already they'd given handle To meddling gossips' eager love of Scandal ; Talk'd about leaving, tho' a painful part- His comforts lay so near to her own heart ' OTT'-t^^ ■/ i I THB WIDOW JUSTIFIED. The Old man melted, and 'tis said he sigh'd And then he press'd her to become his bride :1 Said he was old, but thought he yet, with ease- As he had vigor-eould a lady please ;- Begg'd her to name the day to make hin. blest- The reader's fancy must supply the rest • For, after once more eyeing house and land, fehe, nothing loth, gave him her willing hand • And some cried, shame ! and prophesied well Of some events that have since then befel. Some said 't was Wisdom that the old man led m taltmg a young wife unto his bed He'd have a partner to direct his house. To wash his linen and to milk his cows • To make his shirts, to darn his worsted hose To cut his corns, and brush his Sunday clothls ! All laugh'd to think that there would offspring be • «ut, m their judgment, they were out, you'll see ' 18 '^'. l^t:r C ^ i, ':^ THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED. As soon as well could be a child she had, To call him father, and to make him glad. She bore, in all, three children to his name— Toward the last with trifling loss of fame ! Her lord, himself, was somewhat put about. His failing powers had lately made him doubt ; He 'd had, of late, sharp pains in his forehead,' Which made him thinlc her faithless to his bed ! But the base charge she firmly did deny. And vow'd in the same bed no more she 'd lie ! For Aree long years they led a snarling life ■ In name-and that alone-were man and wife. ' Some said her practice it was loose indeed. And meddling Gossips did each other feed '• But on this point I will not stay to cavil, ' The sequel of the tale will best unravel. ' After some months of helplessness and woe. Death kindly took him to the shades below. : •(' I -' f I II THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED. The Widow grieved quite decent.,, , was s^ ™ ^' ^"^ '° *e silent grave convey'd. Whether 't was grief, or what, f oannot tel] n just five weeks the Widow was not well'- Her look was troubled-was pale in the face- Se went to Doetors, and told them her case . Thought that a cold had brought it all about '■ T y dub,ous, look'd and seemed much in doubt • Yet they prescribed, but it did her no good- She thought her case was not well understood ; It baffled men of skill the most acute, lh.s same disease had taken such firm root ! But soon the busy hum went nimbly round, ^or her complaint a name some meddlers found • Some spoke outright, while others jeer'd and sn^il'd' And found, at least, ten fathers for the child ! ' At length the rumor reach'd "an Ancient's ears A man sedate and well advanc'd in years ; I 1 aid. THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED. lie to the Widow went, by Friendship led, And told her candidly what people said. She warmly answered, " Sir, the charge is true : " I am with child ; pray, what is that to you ? II He who 's been summon'd to man's common lot, " 'T was he, alone, the yet unborn begot." Says he : " 'T is well ; I own I feel surprise, " But am well pleased to find the rumor lies." Then called it idle tattle, said 't was fudge, Said, of the case, the Widow was best judge. For Scandal is threefold ; O ! how it gathers. When Mothers are perplex'd to know the Fathers f ^Vho can interpret-who can, in such cases. Except the Mothers, or the babies' faces 1 ^ In these affairs, 't is said, in every clime. That nine months current is the very time,' That anxious mothers carry every heir Or twins, or beauteous daughters fair; 15 K?7<^ THE WIDOW JUSTIFIKD. And lookers r -, ^ o„riously led FTch'T'"' ""''" "'-'••l boon dead; ^or Charil),, n sau., all would bo cWd ■ But «o,no cried pooh -and others .l,,,jV,U_ Nmom,.,.th.u.cy flew, but .Hll no child appear'd. Another ,„„n(h, :,nd, oh ! what a sad ,,alk, ' The Widow heara the villifying talk. It rather nettled, tho"t was nothing new- She stdl maintained what she had said was true And some old Wives a ver, strange tale told : ■ lheysa,d't was eause the Father was so old! When tales and patience were almost outrun ihe chmax eame-the Widow bore a son - ^^ser, hied gossips eagerly did trace ^eO,d Man's likeness in the infantWaee; Wh- e she, poor soul, was thankful for the same. To It r *° ''"''' ■""• '"J"'"d ^"""e- The A ;r"" "'"''* '"•^^^'^ 1"''« vain. The Age of Miracles was come again ! 16 j o XS/' i TfitB WIDOW JUSTIFIED. It seems, nine months b. .re the infant ^irth, The Widow thresh'd the product of the earth, And 't was observed that she was ory gay, And seem'd to have east aside her grief that day, For which to account with me there 's l)utoneway: Her late luvd was an energetic man, Dutdone by iew in any scheme or phin. Whim past fourscore he'd cradle, load, or mow, Plough a straiglit furrow, or the land would sow. He kept the Apostle's maxim in his sight — Whate'er he done was done with all his miffht, Tho' his bent form seem'd sinking into night. It was his Spirit, iht'.n, so warmly wrought, \Vha% in more dormant souls, is vainly sought. 'T was known that he an active mind possess'd, So much engross'd it seldom could lind rest. (There 's been a saying, since Time had its birth, That Spirits are allow'd to walk the earth ; 17 ''^e%)' ! |i i TJIE WIDOW JUSTmui). And 't is admitted by .„ ancient CInMoh l^an,cd for its nnVades .-atl.er in the lurch. Adm,t this to, altho"t is strange if true, , perhaps, n,ay give to this odd case a clew.) If .t he true-1 mean this spirit-walking- Where would the Old Man's be so likely stalking , Where would his Spirit haunt so soon, , say. As the old barn upon a threshing-day '> 'T would to his usual habits be a treat. To count the bushels of the threshing wheat ;- And, to pursue the thread, 1 freely state. That Spirits, tho' unseen, will operate • And, as he flitted, sprite-like, round and round, The W,dow there with lively action bound. Supernal he upon her glow'd with brightness. Which doth account for her aforesaid lightness ' Her system, p'rhaps, it slightly agitated. For she directly sickened, as I 've stated M ' \^ i THE WIDOW JUSTIFIED. Some count it monstrous, as a thing quite wild, To think a Spirit could beget a child! Say that some Tempter, in man's form, did win, And led the Widow, in weak hour, to sin ; But there are those who will with me agree, The Spirit should have the supremacy. This wond'rons child— this strange begotten one- It seems his name is to be called John. Despise him not, for not the first is he Who was begot and born in mystery ! If this be true, I must condole the mother- It 's very likely she may have another ! For, should the Spirit hover round again With such desires, why, then, it must be plain. All will agree this Truth's beyond a doubt- No bars— no bolts— can keep a Spirit out ! C7>c-\:l? 19 (Ill IP ill SEQUEI,. SEQXJKL TO THE "WIDOW JUSTIFIED." HAD, m n,y „,i„d_ ^ f^i^^ apprehension, Lest any who were of a slow comprehension, Would not, of my verse, understand its r^.ht meaning, * Or know the real drift to which it was leaning; I hought that on reading, so,„e one might assert, -Ihat my queer conclusion-the truth-did pervert. 1 find that already it has had a toss And that some holy souls say there's too much dross. I fear that in those who raised this irruption, The,-e 's much of fall'n Nature's inbred corruption • \) SEQUEL. And that, in them, who this to me impute, It, in themselves, has much the deepest root. As long as sun and moon, and stars endure. To the pure-minded all things will be pure. Perish the thought ! Perish likewise my Muse, If I one line of vicious trash diffuse ! Because I 've ridiculed a base pretence. And scouted perjury, I 've given offence ! Well, be it so; for in the self-same strain I mean to write, with all my powers, again. It is a pleasure—at least it is to me— When my opinion doth with those agree, Of those who 've competency to decide, That this is right by none will be denied ; And learned Doctors— yes, at least some three- On this strange point, it seems, doth all ajrree ;- Ihat is, it seems, there has been precedences, Although it makes one doubt their very senses. ^9o not, in haste, upon the case decide, But read, with care, my " Widow Justified." Calm down, at once, your outrag'd feelings wild, And think upon the Spirit-gotten child ! Perhaps, on the seas, with waves and billows wrestling, Your spirit flew back to its former nestling ! But let it be begotten as it may, You, or yo, . Spirit— which I camiot say- Must, tho' It outrages all common sense, Be called its Father, 'cause of " precedents ■" Your wife be honor'd, cloth'd in gems and scarlet And virtuous called, tho' nothing but a harlot ! The spurious child, shall with the rest divide ;— And now I '1! close my " Widow Justified."' 'Xjrd 2 ^ ows THE FAIR. THCE FA.IR. world of ours, there 's ever uprising, As old records tell us, somewhat surprising. The Roman Invasion, no doubt, caus'd a stir, When Britons knew nought of the tactics of war. When the Danes were enjoying their unlawful plunder. The Saxon attack, no doubt, caus'd a wonder ; As also when Normandy's heroic son, At the battle of Hastings, the English Crown won But were I to write all the deeds of great men, I never again should lay down my pen ; E'en tho' I let woman's great actions alone, [Joan ? Yet what man raised a greater commotion than :4b R;?vc^ -^^ ■A On a voyage of discov'ry,whe„ Columbus was bound, What a joyful surprise when the new world he found ' But could he again land on the same shore Its appearance, I think, would astonish hin.'more. But I w,sh not to write on subjects remote, As events, much more recent, are worthy of note. There snothing IVe nam'd raised a greater sensation, Roused more the hopes or fear of a nation T^n what is the business of my present virse, Which,without further rambling, I now will rehearse- And, as I 've observed, in almost all oases, 'T IS the custom to give a description of places- The place to describe, neither city nor town But a large straggling village, call'd WaibLdown. He inhabitants consist, as you should understand Of laborers, mechanics, and tillers of land ; And, for accommodation's call, There 's a Post Office-and Town Hall, thb fair. Where sound debates, and learned orations, Of by-gone times and foreign nations, Are bandied— I hope no offence— With much more warmth than common sense. But on this point I will not dwell- There is no doubt they all mean well ; And though, 'tis true, they often blunder, All things considered, 't is no wonder. If, now and then, there 's lack of knowledge. Their learning was not gain'd at College. (Yet one thing more-it may be quoted— No Orator, however noted ; Not Julius Cesar's famed powers. Which reach unto these times of ours ; Nor English Pitt, or Sheridan, Or the Queen's champion. Lord Denman ; Nor yet, I 'd ^ave you understand. That great French speaker, Talleyrand— I THE PAIR, t Whose mode of action, people say, Was shifting, like the PRtEsi of Bbav.) Yet none of these who swayed a nation, Perch'd higher, on self-elevation. Than many who, at Council's call. Debate in Waterdowh Town Hall. No watchman, beadle, or police- Though crime, of late, 's on the increase- But, here and there, a skulking spy, With sneaking look and downcast eye. Of Satan's strong-holds, there are four ; No lack of churches, or yet of a store, ' And sound able preachers, to give them their Of faithful believers, 1 fear but a few ! But this matter I '11 leave, for I 'm no judge at all And pass on from them to the Fair and the Ball ■ ' Which was, at the first, my real sole intention ' If my love for digressing had not caus'd detention. 28 due. b^xy^ ^ H THE FAIR. i Tlie Fair took place on the seventh of OctoL. , At a time of the year which is rather sober : In days that preceded, of talk the chief theme, And, no doubt, was the cause of many a dream. What a stir in the morning, before break of day ! Such bustling, contriving, and talking away ! Competitors are making a careful selection. Stock, poultry, and roots, quite fit for inspection ; And matrons bring forth the butter and cheese, Quite sure of the prize, are quite at their ease ; ' And plaiting, and knitting, again are survey'd, And neat quilted coverlids carefully laid In boxes, with flow'rs of very nice shades. Though it puzzles a little to find out their grades. There 's now much a do in most of the houses. Farmers are hurrying their daughters and spouses, Who have to put hoops in the skirts of their dresses. And arrange, in first style, their black or brown' tresses ; ^e^ ^ m THE PAIR. Then fix on the bonnet, with trimmings so gay, Which, according to fashion, is made for display ; Then out comes the grey, black, or brown span, ' The pride and the boast of master and man ; Then off in prime style-and of this Pm quite clear, That to Ascot or Epsom, no grand British Peer, Or Regent himself, with plum'd courtezan. Ne'er outdone the Farmer in driving his span. Arriv'd on the ground, what a shaking of hands, With uncles, arid cousins, and neighbors, in bands ! And the ladies, ^mid smiles and friendly caresses, Are carefully exam'ning each other's dresses ; Then, leaving the wagons, they walk slowly round. And carefully scan what 's arriv'd on the ground ; Then the farmers walk off to call in upon Sam, And, the day being chilly, regale with a dram. The pow'rs of which their judgment so whetted, That on the day's issue some dollars are betted. 30 XJ^d- -^^ 4 ( o A THE FAIR. All things being fix'd in the Hall for display, And the Judges arrived on .ms momentous day, They enter the Hall to consider the matter, First lockinir the doors to prevent useless clatter. (When a Consul of Rome was by faction deposM, They always chose new ones with the Senate House closed ; And to come to decision, I 'd have you to know, Was as arduous quite at the Watbrdown Show. Of their fitness for office 1 Ve nothing to say, If 1 had, it is likely I should go astray ; When the subject itself 's not well understood, Opinion, you know, can never be good. While they were deciding—quite justly, no doubt- There was much worth observing going forward without : Competing matrons, with whispers and nudges. Were finding all manner of fault with the Judges ; 31 "^M- u ><•_ I' !•'■ I! r Young ladies, in groups, were conversing all. Of who would be partners, that night at the ball ; A few pairs were standing a little apart. Engaged in affairs that belong to the heart.) The Judges, at length, in opinion settled, Which gave pleasure to some, while others it nettl'd, Came forward at once, and the doors did unlock—' 'Mid the Judges I then, for the first time, saw Stock ! And his competency, I know was allow'd, For I heard it maintain'd pretty strong by the crowd ; Well pleas'd I heard what was said there and then' Mr. Stock being one of my ow) countrymen. 1 know not what part Mr. O'Rielly took ; That he felt an interest I knew by his look. The doors being open'd, 'mid clamor and din, The rabble without they quickly rush'd in • Good order was missing, but there was profusion Of pushing, and thrusting, and noise, and confusion. 32 ^(34 K^^ THE FAIR. And now to the ladies I '11 say a few words : Next year wear not hoops in your dresses, but cords ; For I saw a young man, quite low he was stooping, Displacing both old and young ladies' hooping ! In a low tone I told him it was quite a sin : " I '11 break all I can," said he, with a grin, " For one of them terribly grated my shin !" I left him engaged at his. brazen employment, Which seem'd t' afford him exquisite enjoyment. And when the assembled had well criticised, And some things approv'd of, and some things des- Friends, one to another, opinions rehearsed, [pised, And, the day being cold, all quickly dispersed. But I have said nothing of the out-door displays, Of McDonald's bull, or Anderson's greys. Which were drove in good style by Sam's eldest son, Which had something to do with the prize they had won. "2^^ 33 R;?v^ M ' ".1 THE FAIR. t I 'ra somewhat surpris'd that steeds so ikr fam'd Should, by any, have been so ignobly „a, led' ' What signifies "Mike?" or what argufies "PeteI" The words with vulgarity are quite replete • For hacks, or for asses, who Ve speedy extinction Such names might do well ; but, for steeds of distinction, Why not give the name of some great commander ? Scotch Chaeley, or C^sar, or else Alexander ? 'T is enough, in all conscience, to make such horses To be any thing sliort of a duke or a prince, [wince, I heard my dear grandfather say, at his forge, In his day coach-horses were often call'd " GeoUe •" No doubt to do honor, for so he averr'd. To the mem'ry, it seems, of old George'the Third I 've often times thought it did not seem meet. To give to some men the title of " Great •" If narrowly sifted, I think, one and all. Would dwindle from great into something small. c THE FAIR. But horses, indeed, are a capital race, And seldonn their name or lineage disgrace. I'm giving these hints it's merely my aim, [claim. To show that even horses should have their just In awarding the prizes, some thought there was stumbling, And, here and there, one was railing and grumbling Mr. Cant was ill-pleased because his " pink-eyes " Were not judg'd worthy the very first prize ; And one young fellow was with rancor full. Because full justice was not done his bull ! One lady said the Judges had no eyes. Or else her butter would have gain'd a prize ! [taste, Who knows? The Judges might have judg'd by And not by color ;— -but no words we '11 waste. It will not do to judge from mere outside. Or very often we shall wrong decide. But where are the Judges who could please all ? They have not had birth since Adam's fall. 35 THE PAIR. When all was decided, both loser and winner Betake them to Sam's, to enjoy a good dinner ; ' For that host, I believe, has been fam'd a good For getting „p dinners in first-rate style. [while Good humour restor'd, for, without any posers. Where there are winners, of course there are losers. So the subject they close, and end all the din. By hoping, next Fair, 't will be their turn to win. And the Farmers betake them again to their houses, At the earnest request of their prudent spouses. But the young ones remain, almost one and all. To enjoy the delights of a dance at THE BALL. And hei'e, I must own, I'm rather surpris'd, And parents, I think, are not well advis'd, Who leave their daughters.at such places^ Whore, very often, much disgrace is. J will not raise, like some, a din, And cry down dancing as a sin ; 36 m^ THE FAIR. For I have danced, and own that still I could enjoy a brisk quadrille. With lov'd companions, half the night, I Ve danc'd, and own it gave delight ; But then, 't was 'neath a parent's eye, That I enjoy'd such revelry : It was in my dear childhood's home, Where wild disorder never came ; Young friends of an equality, Would sing and dance with merry glee ; But here, where there is much extinction. Of every proper wise distinction. Where heads and tails so oddly mix. That which is head is hard to fix ; Where served and servers all will muster, In the same place, all in a cluster ; Yet I denounce, as part of all, Promiscuous meetings at a ball. ^>rs^ 37 II r d THE FAIR. And, tell me, who can set aside, By whom this truth will be denied, That very often comes a squabble, By mixing with a vulgar rabble ? If there must be a public ball, Why not make use of the Town Hall ? And let none enter through the wicket, Who cannot show a dollar ticket. All who attend should be weJl dress'd, And of , Jitdness well possessM ; The ball will then be more select. And all maintain their self-respect. But no more words on this I '11 waste. For all depends, I know, on taste ; But hope that future fairs will be Increasing in prosperity ; For 't is well known that emulation Greatly advances any nation. 38 W^ ^ 5 ^ NEW SONGS. 2srE"TAr so2^^^G^•s THE QUEEN OF MAGIC INVENTIONS. AN ORIGINAL COMIC SONG. Tune—" The ^ing of the Cannibal Islands:* O ! HAVE you heard the news of late, About a personage of state, Who, as true as the Book of Fate, A woman of great pretensions? Like conjurer of by-gone tale, She '11 curn a sprat into a whale. And rouse a calm into a gale, This Queen of magic inventions. CHORUS. Her name is Gal-li-mau-fry Flam, Pha-ra-sa-ical Sha-dow-y Sham ; E-mis-sa-ry, Swar-thy Cram, The Queen of magic inventions ! a9 ftTSCO 4 NEW SONGS. The Priest of Bray, old records say, Would turn himself to any way, When troublous times around him lay, Just to avoid suspension ; This modern witch of ev'ry hue, Chameleon-llke, now black, now blue, A changeling in each point of view. This Queen of magic inventions ! Her name is Gal-li-mau^fry Flam, &c. Her ancestry is rather old, 'T was one df them the bag did hold, And wish'd the ointment to be sold But that was all pretension: Its founder 't was who did deceive. And led astray our Mother Eve ; But he's outdone, you may believe, By this Queen of magic inventions ! Her name is Gal-li-mau-fry Flam, &c. Her name, as you will quickly see, It well doth state her pedigree 40 ( a A NKW 80N0S. I Walker give as referee, To show its just pretension: A bet.er, none, I 'm sure, could fix, As those will say who '-now her tricks, As cousin-german to Old Nick 's This Queen of magic inventions! Her name is Gal-li-mau-fry Flam,