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This item is filmed at the reduction ratio checked below/ Ce document est fiimt au taux de reduction indiqu* ci-dessous. 10X 14X 18X 22X 26X aox I 12X 16X 20X 24X 28X 32X ^^-""^^Vr Th« copy filmad hara Hm b««n raproduead thank* to tha ganaroaity of: Soott Library, York University L'axamplaira fiim4 fut raproduit grica k la gAnAroalt* da: Scott Library, York University Tha imagaa appaaring hara ara tha iMat quality poaaibia conaidaring tha condition and lagibility of tha original copy and In kaaping with tha filming contract apaclflcatlona. Laa Imagaa aulvantaa ont 4tA raprodultaa avac la plua grand aoln, compta tanu da la condition at da la nattat* da l'axamplaira fllm4, at an conformltA avac laa condltiona du contrat da fllmaga. Original coplaa In printad iMpar covara ara fllmad baglnning with tha front covar and anding on tha laat paga with a printad or llluatratad Impraa- slon, or tha back covar whan appropriata. All othar original coplaa ara fllmad baglnning on tha firat paga with a printad or llluatratad Impraa- slon, and anding on tha laat poga with a printad or llluatratad impraaalon. Laa axamplalraa origlnaux dont la couvartura 9n paplar aat imprimta aont fllmte an commandant par la pramiar plat at an tarminant soit par la darnlira paga qui comporta una amprainta d'Impraaalon ou d'illuatratlon, soit par la sacond plat, aalon la caa. Toua laa autraa axamplalraa originaux aont fllmia an commandant par la pramlAra paga qui comporta una amprainta d'Impraaalon ou d'llluatration at an tarminant par la damlira paga qui comporta una talla amprainta. Tha laat racordad f rama on aach microf icha •hall contain tha aymbol —^-(moaning "CON- TINUED"), or tha aymbol ▼ (moaning "END"), whichavar appliaa. Un daa aymbolaa aulvanta apparattra aur la darnlAra imaga da chaqui microflcha, aalon la caa: la aymbola «► aignlfia "A SUIVRE ", la aymbola ▼ aignlfia "FIN". Mapa, plataa, charta, ate., may ba fllmad at diffarant raduction ratloa. Thoaa too larga to ba antlraly includad In ona axpoaura ara fllmad baglnning in tha uppar laft hand cornar, laft to right and top to bottom, aa many framaa aa raqulrad. Tha following diagrama llluatrata tha mathod: Laa cartaa, planchaa, tablaaux, ate, pauvant Atra film^a k daa taux da rMuction diff^ranta. Loraqua la documant aat trop grand pour §tra raproduit an un aaul cllchA, II aat film* A partir da I'angla aupAriaur gaucha, da gaucha A droita, at da haut an baa, an pranant la nombra d'Imagaa nAcaaaaira. Laa diagrammaa auivanta illuatrant la mithoda. 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 ] NED FENTON'S PORTFOLIO. ■BIT J. js^oi&api3:"sr. QUEBEC: WILLIAM PALMER. FEINTED BY HUNTER, ROSE & CO., ST. UR8ULE STREET. 1863. r- ffy g-tgga? ;* I ' i, ,'A f ■B,. Emtkbed, according tu the Act of tho Provincial Parliament, in the yoar one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, by William Palmer, in the office of the Registrnr of the Province of Canada. ■^•-.ef' r- CONTENTS. le thousand e Registrrtr T*m Tumor's Family Circle 6 Omelty to Horses 8 Coroners' Inquests and Whisky 9 An Bzeoution prevented by Suicide 10 Music and its Effects 11 Temperance Associations 12 Ben Hare's Morning of Life 14 Another edifice Constructed by John 15 An Extract from Ben Hare's Lecture 18 Pat and Matty Nolan 18 Sam Walton 20 Ready to be kicked out 22 Trunks for Sale 22 A Suicide and Love for Liquor 22 British Soldiers and Strong Liquors 23 A Praying Soldier » 24 A Colonel's Address to his Officers 26 The effect of Pardon 20 An Argument in favor ofa Prohibitoiy Liquor Law 30 A Cure for Drunkenness 33 Murty Kennedy and his Wife 85 How Topers raised the wind 38 A Pedagogue in Love — Liquor and Law 38 Ben's Resolution , 45 Fault Finding— Frivolous Debates 51 Frequency of Meetings, Ac 51 Benefits and Fines 52 Irregular attendance , 53 Subscription lists 54 Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins 56 A Snob 57 Old Tom and Old Homer 61 The Misses Walker 62 Sensible Young Ladies 64 Mr. Skinner— A Shaver , , 65 fiailiffi 08 Ouagen and PotMn 68 Lawyeri 72 Ministers of the Oospel 76 Lady Members of Temperance Societies. 87 Tlieatrioals 89 Mr. Flint— A Miser 95 Tlie Dunns 99 TheDoolittles 100 The Pairchilds 102 Mra. Softly and Biddy Fogarty 103 The Graces 106 Mr. Freeman and hifl beggarly relations 107 A Backsliding Tentotiiller. 100 Coughing in Church Ill The French Revolution 112 Wars 115 A Terrible Enemy 118 Howtooonquer the Enemy 122 Alcoholic Liquors 122 Prices of Wines 127 Demoralising Liquors 181 Utility of Temperance Societies 131 Advantages of Total Abstinence to Touth 133 Reformed Liquor Drinkers 135 A Saving Society 136 The Pulpit and the Bar — Conclusion 138 f( Page, . «8 .. 68 .. 12 .. 7« ... 87 ... 89 ... »6 ... 9» ... 100 .... 102 .... 103 .... 106 .... 107 109 in 112 115 118 122 122 127 181 131 133 135 136 138 J V-'v.^, NED FENTON'S PORTFOLIO. " IBON SHABPENXTU IRON ; SO A MAN SHARPENETH THE OOUN- TENANOE OP HIS FRIEND." :< TOM TURNER'S FAMILY CIRCLE. The wind blew a perfect hurricane, and the snow had been drifting so that the roads were almost impassible, one evening in the beginning of February, 186-, as Tom Turner, after taking his smoke, sat in his dining room, reading the History of the French Revolution. Mrs. Turner had just lighted the gas and commenced her sewing, when a knock was heard at the door : " Who in the name of wonder can this be such a stormy evening? " said Mrs. Turner. "I guess it's Ned Fenton," replied Tom, "coming with his portfolio, and my dulcimer ; he promised to be here this evening, and he is a man of his word and no mistake." "If it's Ned," said Mrs. Turner, "I rather guess our Sally is the burden of his message ; he is over head and ears in love with her, and \ have good reason to believe there is no love lost between them." As soon as the door was opened, in walked Ned sure enough, and after the usual salutations, remarks on the storm, shaking off the snow, and hanging up his cap and overcoat, Ned drew a chair near the bright coal fire and sat down. . Tom and Ned were tee- totalers, near neighbors, and had been on the most intimate terms of friendship for many years. Ned was a tall, handsome young man, about twenty-seven years of agfe, with pleasing accent, manly features, dark complexion and large bushy whiskers, and so warm hearted and lively in all his actions, that he was welcomed every- where ; as he was fond of music and a good singer, he took a lead- 2 ■"C 6 ' NED FENTON'S * ing part in the church choir. His business was that of a book- keeper in an extensive dry goods estnblishment. Tom had been in the liquor trade for many years, but from con- scientious principles he abandoned it at a great sacrifice, and em- barked in the hardware trade, at which he soon became very clever. He was about forty years of ago, of a kind and gene- rous disposition, free and open in his manners, and a useful, ener- getic man in all benevolent enterprises. Mrs. Turner was a comely plump little woman, about thirty-five years old, of fair complexion, and pleasing countdnance, and mild, gentle temper, well acquainted with domestic economy, and gifted with a more than ordinary degree of general intelligence. I need hardly say that Tom loved her as dearly as husband could luve the partner of his life and fortunes. As they had no children, they adopted Mrs. Turner's niece, a tall, graceful, pretty girl, fascinating and attractive. She was possessed of superior attainments and every acquirement to make her an excellent wife ; her name was Sally Lamb, "For Sallr Lnmh wbs tall and fair, Wtih (lurk blue eyes und chestnut hair," On the stormy evening alluded to, she had completed her nine- teenth year. She had many admirers, but Ned became the centre of her love and affection. As both belonged to the same choir, many an evening Ned accompanied her home aftor singing prac- tice ; the result of such singing a.id loving attentions was, that after a short smooth run of true love she became his excellent wife, and of course he became her loving husband. And now you have the whole group that sat in a semi-circle at the pleasant coalfire which burned in the grate in Tom Turner's cosy little dining room on the evening in question. CRUELTY TO HOilSES. " What a stormy evening ? " said Ned. "As I was passing Rennick's, the police were taking a cabman into custody for un- PORTFOLIO. a book- rom con- and em- me very [id gene- [ul, ener- a comely nplexion, squainted ordinary Com loved I life and Turner's ive. She ireiuent to her nine- Ithe centre ime choir, Iging prac- was, that illent vife, now you |e pleasant cosy little IS passing ly for un- mercifully beating his horse. Tho man, being nearly drunk, did not take proper means to get the horse past Rennick's stable, where his former owner had been in the habit of putting him when he came to market." " The gentleness and instinct of the horse," said Tom, **are astonishing. I have seen a horse feel with his foot and tremble before putting it on the ground where a little brother of mine, about three years old, had tumbled amongst his feet on the street. I was acquainted with a carter who, when returning from a sea- port with his load of deals, was in the habit of giving his horse half a pint of whisky at the foot of a long hill. Long afterwards, when the horse passed to other owners, and came to the foot of the same hill, he would not ascend it without half a pint of whisky, or a most unmerciful beating. Mr. Snooka, of Fivemiletown, owned a horse which, although gentle and willing in other respects, would always stop at the foot of a long hill near that town, and could not be induced to ascend it until the passengers alighted from the vehicle. On one occasion there was only one gentleman in the chaise, when the horse stopped as usual ; the driver at once alighted and made a great noise and bustle in opening the chaise door and pulling down the steps. ' What do you mean, sir ? ' said the gentleman in an angry tone. *Whisht ! whisht ! yer honor,' replied the driver, in a whisper, ' you need not stir ; the horse thinks you are getting out to walk up the hill ; if he didn't I might as well thry to move the hill o' Houth as get him to budge one inch." " Of all brutes of the creation," said Tom, "none should be treated so well, and with such kind and tender regard, as the no- ble and willing horse, and yet none suffers and endures more hard- ship. It is terrible to reflect on the cruelties and sufferings many of them undergo, and especially by the effects of strong liquors on their owners and drivers: by drawing grain and liquors 8 tttH FENTOV'S to and from distilleries and breweries, and whipped around cir- cles blindfolded while grinding malt ; — after having been heated by violent driving, left standing shivering in the cold opposite tavern and other doors, waiting while their owners and passengers murdered time inside by chattering like magpies over their liquor ; by standing idle on cabstands in cold, frosty weather until their blood is almost congealed for want of exercise in consequence of the penchant of their drivers for liquor ; — by being furi- ously driven to, and especially from excursions, pic-nics, &c., with elated visiting friends of both sexes, and all ages, to see the lions and e'ephants : — by running for the bottle at Irish weddings ; by liquorising young gentlemen at hunts and other places to show their bold chivalry and skill in horsemanship, especially in the presence of the ladies ; — by being coerced beyond their natural strength in racing to gratify the gambling propensities of their owners and admirers, many of whom enter into foolish and ex- travagant bets while under the influence of liquor, and by which means the fortunes of one or the other of the betting par- ties are injured or ruiaed, and the noble animals have been subjected to great affliction and ' groaned and travailed in pain ' by broken wind and other diseases, and sold into slavery in hackney vehicles, where many of them die in the harness, or have a period put to their existence by shooting ; — by being over- loaded, and beaten by their intoxicated owners and others, who, while returning in their carts from markets, are often guilty of hone-slaughter, and vice verm, the horses too have often been guilty of manslaughter, in trying to save themselves from dangerous positions into which they were about to be stupidly driven, and, without malice aforethought, crushing their drivers out of existence by upsetting them into sloughs, deep ravines, &c. ; — by unfeeling passengers giving drivers a few extra glasses of strong liquors with a view of getting early to their destination, by which the poor half-starved, over-worked, and too willing animals, PORTFOLIO. with bleeding shoulders, knees, and backs, were most cruelly and unmercifully whipped, until many of them fell on the road, and with their last dying groans called for vengeance on their in- human and barbarous hired drivers, and bewailed the remissness of the Humane Society." CORONER'S INQUEST AND WHISKY. " Have you seen the Herald of yesterday ? " said Ned. " No indeed," replied Tom, "I would have gone down street for one to-day, had it not been so dreadful stormy. Is there anything special in it ? " " There are," replied Ned, " accounts of two coroners' inquests. One was that of a man who was found dead in the snow about a mile beyond Roy's tavern, on the Brentwood road, and within two miles of his own house. It was proved on the inquest that ho left the tavern at ten o'clock the night previously, in a state of intoxication, and a bottle of whisky was found lying beside him. The verdict was (as is usual in such cases) ' died from exposure and ♦he excessive use of intoxicating liquors.' The other case is that of a poor man who was found dead in his house last Thursday evening. The facts, as proved on the inquest, are shortly as follow : A cooper and his wife named Wiggins lived for several years in a small shanty near Dartford ; they were each apparently between fifty and sixty years old, had no children nor any known relatives in the neighborhood. Being much addicted to liquor, they were, as a consequence, poor, and lived in wretchedness and misery, often quarrelling so much that the neighbors were obliged to sepa- rate them on several occasions. Neither of the.n were seen during two days previous to the inquest, and when the door was broken in to see what was the matter, poor Wiggins was found on the floor dead, with several marks on his body and cuts on his head, and blood lying on the floor. From the evidence adduced the jury found a verdict of wilful murder agaiAst) hie wife, and the NED FENION'8 wretched remnant of humanity has been arrested, and lodged in gaol." AN EXECUTION PREVENTED BY SUICIDE. " Such dreadful scenes call loudly for a prohibitory liquor law," said Tom. " While you were speaking," Tom continued, " I was reminded of a scene I was eye witness to. Several years ago, I was present at a trial in the court-house of Enniskillen, when a woman naffed Lucy Keefe was found guilty, on circumstantial evidence, and sentenced to be hanged for the murder of her hus- band. Keefe and his wife resided alone in a small cabin within about four miles of Enniskillen. His business was that of a heath broom-maker, for which purpose he kept an ass to carry the heath from the mountains, and the brooms to market. During several days it was remarked by the neighbors that no smoke issued from the chimney of Keefe's cabin ; that neither he nor his wife were Been about the premises, and that the ass wandci ed aoout uncared for. Whereupon an anonymous letter was sent to the authorities, by whose directions the police of Enniskillen proceeded to the premises, and found the emaciated body of Keefe stowed away under a bed, covered with turf peat, and much disfigured by rata. At the coroner's inquest it was proved that they had no family, arid were much addicted to liquor drinking and quarrelling, and that the woman Keefe was in the habit of beating her husband, and had often been heard using violent threats to kill him. A description of Lucy was inserted in the Hue and Cry, and she was arrested in the south of Ireland. Her manner and appearance were not calculated to make a favorable impression on the minds of the jury. She was about fifty years old, of middle size, with black hair, sallow complexion, low forehead, small sunken eyes, high cheek bones, pug nose, prominent mouth and projecting teeth. She wore a thread-bare patched cloak, and a straw bonnet much the worse with wear, and stood careless and unmoved in the n PORTFOLIO. H dock. When the Judge pronounced the awful sentence of death on her, she called on the Almighty to damn his soul, and kept cursing and swearing as she was removed from the dock to the gaol. On the morning of the day on which she was to have been executed, as the police were preparing in large numbers for gaol guard, and people flocking in from the country to see her hanged. The news that she had hanged herself soon spread over the town, whereupon I went to the gaol and was admitted to her cell, where I saw her lying on her bed a corpse. There was a strong iron pin in the wall of her cell for the purpose of hanging her clothes on during the night; to this she fastened a handkerchief, and then standing on her cell bucket, she fastened the handkerchief round her neck, and kicked the bucket from under her feet, and was found hanging against the wall quite dead, her feet within a few inches of the floor." " It is more than probable," said Ned, " that had they been teetotalers, they would not have entered on an eternal state of existence in such a dreadful manner." MUSIC AND ITS EFFECTS. " By the by, Ned," said Tom, " I wish you would call at Harper's on your way here to-morrow evening for my flute. I left it there to get a ferule and key on it some time ago." "With pleasure," said Ned. "What an amiable family those Harpers are," said Mrs. Turner; " there are three sons and four daughters, all musicians, and they B,te such an acquisition to our choir ! Ben plays the organ, and Ellen and Ilariet sing aUo, — in fact they form a little orchestra themselves. Yon will seldom pass their house without hearing the sounds of vocal and instrumental music." "I fear" replied Tom, " they absorb too much of their time at music, which no doubt is a delightful accomplishment and has * charms to soothe the savage breast,' and David's performance on the harp drove the evil spirit from King Saul, and Solomqn < got him men singers I y NED FEN1!0N'S and women singers, and the delights of the sons of men, such as musical instruments,' and although I have no douht music will he a suhlime enjoyment and progress throughout eternity, yet it is so infatuating and requires so much time, it draws the attention of many from their legitimate business. I have scarcely ever known a person devoted to music to be expert in business or to grow rich or very useful in the church. It is the same with families and nations ; while the Italians are the best musicians in the world, they are, without doubt, behind the age in commerce, &c. Doctor Clarke in his note on * singing with the spirit, and with the understanding' says, ' There is no doubt that it was exceedingly edifying — but I rather suppose that their singing consisted in solemn well-measured reci- tative than in the jingling and often foolish sounds which we use, when a single monosyllable is sometimes shivered into a multitude of semi-quavers' ! But I am so glad you are come, Ned," said Tom, " I have been telling Mrs.Turner about your portfolio; have you brought it ? " '.'I have," replied Ned, "but I fear I shall wear out your patience, it is so long." " Oh ! not at all," said Mrs. Turner, " I am sure we will be much amused and instructed, es- pecially as you told us you were conversant with the incidents and characters you alluded to. If you don't get through this evening, you can finish to-morrow night, if you are not otherwise engaged." "Peggy," said she, addressing the maid, "bring some coal." When the fire was renewed, Ned drew out his portfolio and com- menced as follows : — V . .> TEMPERANCE ASSOCIATIONS. In all civilized ages and nations, social, friendly intercourse has been the prevailing aim of mankind under the various phases of the family; religious assemblies, literature from the infant school to the university ; politics, from the village Council to the House of Lords ; the army and navy, from the privates and marines to POSIFOLXO. 13 the generals and admirals ; trades and professions ; pleasure par- ties, clubs, balls, bficchanalian and other amusements ; national, secret, temperance, and other societies ; on voyages and excur- sions ; by necessities, afflictions, self-defence, &c., and it is said "there is honor among thieves." Among all those phases of friendship and social intercourse, none is so evanescent as those formed under the influence of strong liquors, which can only be continued by mutual swiping. If a man wishes to test the friendship of his liquorising friends) let him become a teetotaler, and they will desert him as they would an enemy ; on the other hand, no friendship is so enduring as that formed on temperance principles, and there is no society so well constructed, and so conducive to its developement, as properly organized and well conducted Divisions of Sons of Tem- perance, where thousands of individuals have been rescued from temptation and impending destruction, and made good and useful members of society. Crowds have congregated once or twice in a year to hear a pop- ular temperance lecturer, where many have been induced by the eloquence and powerful appeals of the speaker — from the excite- ment of the moment — for self-preservation — from right princi- ples and other causes, to sign the temperance pledge ; but with the great majority it was like the seed sown in stony places : not hav- ing much root in time of temptation, and for lack of true friends and mutual encouragement in a well organized society, their tem- perance principles withered away. It requires no small amount of moral courage to abandon old formed liquor-drinking habits and companions. The man who does so deserves the right hand of fellowship and the most hearty en- couragement, which he never could x)btain by the mere signing of a temperance pledge. To benefit and cheer such parties, to save young men from the snares laid for them by the agents of alcohol, and to advance the cause of total abstinence generally, were the 14 NED FENTON'S I i' ■ I' Iftudable designs of the noble minded philanthropists, who from time to time established the various orders of temperance, as the Washingtonians, Rechabites, Sons, Daughters, Knights, and Cadets of Temperance, Good Templars, Bands of Hope, Dasba- "ways. Temperance leagues, &c., &c., which have all done a vast amount of good in their day, by saving thousands of the human family from falling victims to intoxicating liquors ; but from various causes, some of which will be hereinafter alluded to, they have signally failed to exert that influence on all classes and persua- sions for which they were organized. Yet they have brought pub- lic opinion to bear so far on the subject, that it has become disre- putable to be seen tipsy on the street or tippling in taverns, or to have a breath tainted with liquor. BEN HARE'S MORNING OF LIFE. Ben Hare had the misfortune to be born and brought up in & country where whisky was the luxury of the rich and the poor, and looked upon as the panacea for all the ills of life, from the cradle to the grave. There was plenty of whisky drank at his birth, and a thundering blow-out at his baptism. His parents would have been industrious and respectable, were it not for their penchant for the liquor, as was the case with the neighbours gene- rally, especially on the evenings of their weekly market days, when, after the hurry and bustle of the day, they indulged in a "jolly good spree," which had such a prostrating effect on them next morning, that they were obliged to get a horn to enable them to dress for breakfast ; in short they only ceased to imbibe when time and means to procure the ardent could not be spared. Ben's father never was so cheerful as when with a Hack bottle of whisky in his right hand and a wineglass in his left, he was treating a few of his jovial neighbours, and spinning long yarns about the scenes of his early days. Many a cold morning after market day poor Ben was sent barefooted for a naggin of whisky for hi» PORTFOLIO. H parents ; it is therefore not to be wondered at if at an early age he entertained very unfavorable ideas of the whisky-drinking pro- pensities of his parents and friends, and that he vainly endeavoured by all his arguments to dissuade them from such a course. As it was, his parents gave him a tolerable education ; he was the most active and intelligent boy in the school, and very soon gave signs of a bright future for himself. Being fond of rhyming, one of his first efforts was the following composition : — " One Thursday morning, bleak and cold, A little boy, just twelve years old, Whose parents grumbled in their bed As each complained of aching head, They sent him on a hateful task, ' His jacket bulging with a flask. When going out upon the street, " 0, Pa," said he, " it's cold 'o feet." "Go on, you rascal," roared his pa; " Make haste, you dog," squealed out mamma. , Th'-n down the street away lie goes, Tho ciawber bursting through hid toes, When into Barney Quinn's be went : Said he " I'm for a naggin sent To "cure dear pa and ma you see. Who late last nijrht were on the spree." Then trembling paid the fourpence down, With drop at nose, on brow a frown ; curse the liquor, sigh'd j)Oor Beu, It must be from the devil's den, We brothers by darn'd sprees, he mus'd, Without a doubt are badly used. "Is that you Ben ? " shouts out papa ; " What keeps my boy?" croaks out mamma. "0 Pa," cried Ben, " what will I do ? 1 did my best for both of you, When I made scallheen nice and hot, It tumbled in the ch b— rpot." The following, on " The House that Jack built," is another of bis early effusions : — ANOTHER EDIFICE CONSTRUCTED BY JOHN. This is the rooster, that with sonorous notes at dawn of day, put a finale to the slumber, and opened the auricular and vision- ary organs of the reverend gentleman with his ecritoire, who 1:1 if:] ' i u KED FENTOK'S united in matrimonial bonds the Tatterdemalion who imprinted a tender expression of devoted attachment on the ruby lips of the solitary young lady, who drew the white fluid from the animal with the crooked appendages, that was so infuriated as to fling away over a granary the Scotch terrier, that committed a barbarous as- sault with his teeth on the poor little feline animal, that put an end to the existence by wilful murder from malice aforethought y'lih teeth and claws the rat, that severed with his grinders the band that secured the intoxicating material that was stored in the domicile erected by John. "Ben, my son," said his mother one day when he was about sixteen years old, " why did you join those temperance people? You will not only lose your position in society, and deny yourself of all social pleasure, but you will turn your friends against you and make yourself a town's talk." "Never fear, mother," said Ben, "I will come out at the right end yet. I am determined that I shall never be seen tipsy on the street, as I saw my father and Frank Trainer yesterday, when Frank staggered up against me and told me he was as blind as a cat in a hat ; or like Joe Latimer who sits on his window stool, talking nonsense to every passer by, or like old Dick Jackson, Nat Grea- cen, Jemmy Doogan, and others of our neighbors, who expose themselves so often in the streets by being tipsy. No, mother, I shall never drink liquor." " Well, my son," replied his mother, "I hope you shall never disgrace yourself by staggering drunk in the street, or in any other way, but I think it does not require you to take a pledge, and join a set of unsocial misanthropes so circumscribed in their opinions that they look upon all who do not pronounce their shib- boleth as miserable sinners." " Dear mother," said Ben, " I am exceedingly sorry to say you are egregiously mistaken. Temper- ance people enjoy all the good things of this life better than in- temperate people do, and, their cause being one of humanity, must PORTFOLIO. w printed a ps of the timal with ing away barous as- it put an rethought Inders the ircd in the R-as ahout le people? y yourself ainst you the right a tipsy on day, when id as a cat ol, talking Nat Grea- ^ho expose mother, I ball never or in any I a pledge, d in their their shib- 3n, " I am Teinper- ir than in- kuity, must flourish. How many of our neighbors have gone to the bad through liquor ; on the other hand, look at the respectable positions of Tom Turner, Ned Hill and Jack Boyland, who have always been temperance people." " But, my son, we ought to take for our example our minister — the gentlemen, farmers, and merchants, who take their liquor in comfort and moderation, as you might yet do like a man, and de- nounce those innovating drones, most of whom will probably die with the cholic or some other sort of spasms for want of an occa- sional glass of good liquor." " There is," replied Ben " a broad line of demarcation, or gulf, between a life of sobriety which leads to success, and a life of drunkenness which leads to destruction, and the only stepping stone which leads to the wrong side is the moderation you speak of." ^ A few weeks after this conversation, in reply to an advertise- ment for a strong healthy boy who could read and write, to act as light porter in a wholesale grocery, Ben applied, and on being asked for testimonials as to character, he produced a certificate from the temperance society, which, when the merchant looked at, he was much amused, and told Ben that he had already had several applications of boys with very good certificates of charac- ter, but that he would employ him as he was so much pleased with his recommendation, which he considered superior to any of the others, which are generally obtained as a matter of course. In that store Ben remained for many years, during which he strictly adhered to his temperance principles, and improved his mind during his leisure hours in books and accounts, the laws and progress of commerce, &c. The result was that he became a sales- man, then a partner, and finally owner of the whole establishment. A few years after he joined the temperance society, he introduced the total abstinence pledge, which at first was looked upon as a sort of fanaticism, and caused many privateering members to re- n NED FBNTON S sign ; but let us give his own words as he gave them in a lectun a great many years afterwards : AN EXTRACT FROM BEN HARE'S LECTURE. "A man does not now lose his social status by joining a tempe- rance society. It is looked upon as a praiseworthy act, because he sets a noble example to all around him, and especially in his own family. In this enlightened age, people have higher aims than squandering their time and money in social liquor drinking, oard playing and dancing. It Was not so in my early days. In my native town, a teetotaller would have been as rare a sight as a con- firmed drunkard would be at present. Of the many incidents connected with liquor drinking which came under my observation I shall give a few — the first shall be of PAT AND MATTY NOWLAN. When I was a boy there lived in my native town a journeyman coachmaker named Pat Nowlan, ycleped "Drogheda Pat." He was about sixty years old, of middle stature, meagre person, and fair complexion ; he was rather intelligent for a person of his class, and I have no doubt would have been a kind good man had he been a teetotaller, but, unfortunately, he entertained such a tender regard for the liquor, that if he ever went to bed sober, it was because he could not procure the means to get drunk. His wife Matty, being a native of Belfast, had rather a Scottish accent. If I said she was an old hungy^ some people would not understand me, but it is better for me to say she was stout, fat and plump, which I suppose everybody will understand. She had dumpy cheeks, sallow com- plexion, and small reddish eyes ; people used to say they were like two burnt holes in a blanket. She was about the age of Pat, and not a whit behind him in her admiration of the whisky, to obtain which they often reduced themselves to great pecuniary straits. As they had no family, they lived quite alone. One even- POBTFOLXO. 19 I a lecture JRE. T a tcmpe> >ecause he in his own aims than :iDg, card In my t as a con- incidents bservation urneyman ." He was and fair class, and he been a ler regard >ecause he tty, being said she $, but it is I suppose llow com- ;hey were ge of Pat, fhisky, to pecuniary One even- ing, while they were discussing a bottle of malt, the proceeds of Matty's pawned shawl, a knock was heard at the door, and quickly hiding the bottle and glass, Matty opened it. ''Good evening, Mrs. Nowlan," said Miss Minnett, a pious lady who lived in the neigh- bourhood, " I just called to see if you will come to preaching with me ; I am sure Mr. Nowlan will not hinder you." "0 the divil a hindher," said Pat, "she may go if she likes." "But you know, Pat dear," said Matty, "I have sent my shawl to ba dyed." " Sure," said Pat, " you can throw your old grey cloak about ye." So Matty got ready and went to a Methodist preaching with Miss Minnett, who returned with her and took a seat, while Matty clasping her hands and piously turning up her eyes, with her head a little to the one side, said, " Pat, Jewell, but I was in the heavenly place, — surely the people must be all saints, — and there was such beautiful prayin* and singin', and there was two praichers in the pulpit; the one that praiched was a revivaller, and the other looked like an angel." "By the hole o* my coat, Matty," said Pat, " if you had got another glass you would have sworn there was four praichers in it." About an hour afterwards when, Miss Minnett had left, and Matty thought she had Pat's ear alone, while they had a " love moll honey " glass together, and Pat had finished his favorite song, in which were the lines " I travelled alonj; with a henrt rather sad, To join with some jolly bhip's crew," • "Well, Pat, darlin','' she began, "I never did see sioh a gruntin' set of swaddlers as these Methodies. I w^as glad to get out of that praichin' house this night, for I think it was the divil I saw in the pulpit with the praicher." " That I may never sin, Matty," re- plied Pat, " but you are a graceless ould hypocrite. Give us another glass and no more of your blathers." In the course of that night Matty got sick, and Pat got up to get her a glass, but In his hurry he unfortunately fell down the stairs and broke his collar bone, and otherwise injured himself; and while Matty was 20 KED rXNTON'S :;; i'>! running to his assistance, she stood on a broken bottle^ got an awful gash in her foot, and tumbled over Pat. They were each confined to their bed during two months, and attended by kind neighbours ; and when they recovered, Matty resumed the liquor with such a relish, that poor Pat had no alternative but to buy her a cloak and a bonnet, and raise her a pound note, and banish her one early morning to her relations. Thus this old couple, after having spent thirty-five years together, and when they most required each other's assistance and sympathy in their declining years, were separated in consequence of indulging in whisky. How dijaferent would it have been with them had they been teetot- allers from the beginning ! Of the degraded position to which men sink by indulging in intoxicating liquors, I give one or two instances. SAM WALTON. Sam was a manly, fine looking fellow, and a saddler by trade ; but unfortunately he became, through the mistaken hospitality of friends, addicted to liquor, drank out his establishment, and was obliged to go on tramp as a journeyman. One bleak evening in December he arrived in Athlone, cold and miserable, and without a penny in his pocket or a friend in the town. Many a one under such forlorn and woe-begone circumstances would have sunk to despair, but it was not so with Sara : the liquor had left him void of shame, principle, honesty and discretion, and with a " faint heart never won fair lady" sort of determination, he entered a second rate hotel at about eight o'clock p.m., called for a tumbler of punch and his supper, after which he had a couple of tumblers more and a smoke, read the papers and ordered a bed. In the middle of the night, when all the inmates were fast asleep, he arose and very quietly carried his old corduroy breeches down to the kitchen, where he raked out the turf fire from under the large grate, and placing the breeches in the bottom, built the burning PORTFOLIO. 21 embers on them, and covering all up with the ashes, returned to bed, where ho lay until a late hour, and rung the bell. On a ser- vant entering, Sara inquired for his small clothes, which he said ho had been searching for all over tho room. The servant was sur- prised, searched tho room over again, knew nothing about them of course, and informed the landlord, who came speedily into the room, and every place was searched over again, but no breeches could be found. The landlord was confounded with amazement, and declared that such a thing never happened in his house before. Poor Sam looked dumbfoundcred and crestfallen as he sat on the bed, and ventured to say he was exceedingly sorry, not for the sake of the breeches, which was of very little value, nor for the sake of the trifle of travelling charges which was in the pocket of them, which, however, would bo a serious inconvenience to him under present circumstances, but for his being the innocent cause of any discredit being brought on the house. " Well, honest man," said the landlord, "as it is evident nothing can be gained by prosecuting the search further, I would much rather you said not another word on the matter, as the circumstance would hurt the reputation of my house. How much was in the pocket ofyoui- breeches?" " I assure you, sir," replied Sam, "I shall never open my lips on the subject. The trifle of change is hardly worth talking about, — it was only thirty-seven and sixpence." Whereupon the landlord went out of the room and returned pres- ently with the money and a nice pair of dark cassimere breeches, nearly new, w^hich just fitted Sam as he and the landlord were of the same size, and after a good breakfast and a hearty good-bye from the landlord, he went on his way chuckling with delight at being not only free of hotel charges, but plus thirty-seven shillings and sixpence in the pocket of a pair of good breeches, in lieu of his empty pocketed cords. And thus went poor Sam, a drunken and degraded swindler, who was, and would have continaed, a respect, able oitizen, had he avoided the first attempt at moderate drinking. 8 \r 22 NED FENTON'S !i READY TO BE KICKED OUT. In an American paper I lately read of a comparatively young man, who had been in an honorable position, with bright prospects, but by intemperance and the company of vicious and unprincipled companions, had been reduced to forlorn and degraded circum- stances. One day he entered a tavern and called for a glass of brandy, and after pu£5ng a while at a cigar, he finished a second glass, both of which were, in bar-room phrase, prettt/ stiff horns, and then, buttoning up his thread-bare coat, said to t'.ie bar-keeper, in a confident tone, " I'm ready." " If it's to pay for the liquor," said the barman, "the price is twenty cents." " That's not what I'm ready for," ho replied. " Then, what the d — 1 arc you ready for?" said the barman. "As I couldn't do without the liquor," he replied, " and as I ha'ent go', a darned cent to pay for it, I'm ready to be kicked out." So saying he skedaddled b:fore the bar- keeper had time to give him a satisfactory "kicking out." TRUNKS FOR SALE. I think I told you before of a comfortable mechanic who com- menced to tamper with liquors, and how his desire for them grew so strong that he went down step by step until he was almost naked by poverty. Coming down the street one day where trunks were exposed for sale, he was asked to buy oue. "Is it a thrunk ye mane ? " said he. "Yes," said the man. " Arrah what for, honey?" said he. "To put your clothes in," said the man. "Arrah be aisy," said Pat, "what a gomeral you take me for. Go an' ask yer ould mother does she want a thrunk? Would you have m© go naked." A SUICIDE, AND LOVE FOR LIQUOR. I shall give only one illustration of love for liquor which came under my own observation. In the town of Ballibay, there lived a man called Sam Gray, a celebrated Orangeman, who kept the PORTFOT.TO. 28 " York Inn." On the approach of each twelfth of July, the go- vernment sent strong detachments of military and police there to prevent any disturbance which might arise in consequence of Orange processions. On one of these occasions I w^as in the market of Ballibay, when there were a company of Highland soldiers and a troop of dragoons. One of the Hignlanders, a young Scotchman, who had been on a spree for two or three days, and depressed in spirits by liquor, late hours, and confinement, shot himself while with his comrades in the old market-house. Being convenient I heard the shot, and on going to the place I saw the poor fellow lying on the floor writhing in agony, and bleeding profusely from the wound. Having put a cartridge into his musket, he took oflF his boot, leaned the uiuzzle against his left breast, put his toe to the trigger, and sent the ball through himself under the right shoulder. Two doctors were soon on the spot, and while probing the wound they dipped their fingers occasion- ally in a bowl of whisky which was held by a dragoon, and which soon became red with the blood ; when the soldier died, which was about ten minutes after he shot himself, the dragoon said, " iTetitlemen, are you done with this?" meaning the bloody whisky. "Yes," replied one of the doctors. Whereupon I saw the dragoon drink every drop of it while he stood over the corpse. The people looked at him with amazement, and declared they never saw a stronger illustration of love for strong liquor. BRITISH SOLDIERS AND STRONG LIQUORS. The soldiers of the British army have been proverbial for be- ing addicted to strong liquors, and it is not much wonder, tak- ing into consideration the various grades of character brought together in large bodies, the little means heretofore established for their intellectual enjoyment during leisure hours, the social infatuation produced by those liquors, and the temptations strewn in their path by canteens, and by persons of heartless cupidity, NED FENTON'S II who, in the vicinity of barracks, keep low groggeries where liquors are specially prepared by narcotic and poisonous drugs to suit the circumscribed means of the soldier, by causing drunkenness on the cheapest terras. Hence we hear bad liquors termt-d " soldier's liquor; " and when we see a person taking an inordinate glass, we say he took '* a soldier's bumper." The wonder, therefore, is, that so few soldiers have been driven to acts of violence. However, among the salutary improvements in the army lately, it is well to mention that excellent libraries and various harmless and invigor- ating exercises for recreation have been introduced ; with these advantages, and the mild, wise and dignified conduct of the col- onel and officers, and especially their discountenancing liquor drinking, a regiment will be welcomed with pleasure as a great acquisition by the inhabitants of every town where they may be quartered, and few complaints will to made. A PRAYING SOLDIER. Of the numerous praiseworthy exceptions to those who yield to the influence of intoxicating liquors in the army, I quote one illustration : — " During the rebellion in Ireland, a private soldier in the army of Lord Cornwallis was daily observed to be absent from his quar- ters, and from the company of his fellow soldiers: he was therefore suspected of holding intercourse with the rebels, and on this sus- picion — probably increased by the malice of his wicked comrades — he was tried by a court-martial and condemned to die. The marquis hearing of the case, wished to examine the minutes of the trial, and not being satisfied, sent for the man to converse with him. Upon being interrogated, the prisoner solemnly disavowed every treasonable practice or intention, declared his sincere attachment to his Sovereign, and his readiness to live and die in his service. He affirmed that the real cause of his absence was, that he might obtain a place of retirement for the purpose of pri- PORTFOLIO. 25 vate prayer, for which his lordship knew ho had no opportunity among his profane comrades, who had become his enemies merely on account of his profession of religion. He said he had made this defence oil the trial, but the oflScers thought it so improbable that they paid no attention to it. The marquis, in order to satisfy himself of the truth of his defence, observed, that if so, he must have acquired some considerable aptness in this exercise. The poor man replied, that as to ability he had nothing to boast of. The marquis then insisted on his kneeling down and praying aloud before him, which he did, and poured forth his soul before God with such copiousness, fluency and ardor, that the marquis took him by the hand, and said ho was satisfied that no man could pray in that manner who did not live in the habit of intercourse with his God. lie then not only revoked the sentence, but re- ceived him into his peculiar favor, and placed him among his per- sonal attendants, in the way to promotion." It need hardly be said that many of the brightest ornaments of Christianity have been found in all ranks of the British army, and never were there so many as at the present time. A COLONEL'S ADDRESS TO HIS OFFICERS. On the conduct of the officers toward the men, I take the fol- lowing extract from the address of a commanding officer, deli- vered in presence of the officers of the regiment to a young lieu- tenant who had acted harshly toward a young private soldier for alleged insubordinate conduct while on drill: — "Lieutenant , I think it my duty to deliver my sentiments to you before these gentlemen on a subiect that ought to be well understood by every officer, but of which, it appears by your conduct, you have formed very erroneous opinions. Strict discipline is essentially necessary for the well-being of an army, without which it would degenerate into a lawless mob, more formidable to their friends than their enemies — the ravagers, not the defenders uf their country. But £6 NED FENTON'S. I 1 1 it is equally essential that discipline be exercised with temper and with justice. A capricious and cruel exertion of power in officers depresses the spirits of the private men, and extinguishes that daring ardor which glows in the breast of a reai soldier. Is it possible that a man of a generous mind can treat with wanton cru- elty those who are not permitted to resist, or even to expostulate, however brave they may bo ? I believe, sir, you have not as yet served in time of war, but I will inform you, that in the course of my service, I have seen common soldiers gallantly face the en- emy, when some officers who had been in the habit of treating them with insult and cruelty shrank from the danger. You are sufficiently acquainted with the condition of private soldiers to know that even when thoy are treated with all the lenity consistent with proper discipline, still their condition is surrounded with such a variety of hardships, that every person of humanity must wish it were possible to alleviate it. Only reflect, sir, on the emallncss of their pay ; hoAV inadequate to the duty required of tbcra. Yet this grievance remains unremedied in some of the wealthiest countries in Euiope. But weak as the impression may be which the soldier's hardship makes on the cold heart of the politician, one would naturally expect they should meet with sym- pathy in the breasts of their own officers, the men best acquainted with their situation, whom they are constantly serving and obey- ing, who are acting in the same cause and exposed to the same dangers, though not to the same hardships as themselves. It is natural to imagine that, independent of more generous motives, their own interest, and the idea of self-preservation would prompt officers to behave with mildness, at least with equity to the sol- diers under their command. How many brave fellows who have been once respectable and well bred, but who, from reverse of for- tune, are private soldiers in the army ! How many officers have been rescued from death or captivity by the grateful attachment and intrepidity of soldiers ! I myself, sir, once lay on the field tORTFOLIO. 27 severely -v^ounded, when, in the midst of general confusion, oflS- cers and men flying promiscuously, I was carried to a place of se- curity by two soldiers at the hazard of their own lives. From one of those, indeed, I might naturally have expected some exertion in my favor — he was born on my estate ; but I had no claim on the other, except as an officer who had always behaved equitably to him in common with the rest of his corapany. He was an Irish- man. Had I treated him with caprice or ill nature, would he, or even would my own countryman have made such generous exer- tion to preserve my life ? No, sir ; if they had refrained from giving me a fresh wound as they fled past me, which soldiers are not unapt to do to cruel officers, they certainly would at least have consulted their own safety by continuing their flight, and left me to be trampled to death by the enemy's cavalry, as I cer- tainly would have been, had not these two snldJers removed me from the spot on which I lay. But waiving every consideration derived from the idea of personal safety, there is another kind of selfishness which might induce officers to behave well to soldiers : that is, the pleasure of alleviating in many respects the unavoid- able hardships of our fellow creatures, and the consciousness of being loved by those around us. It is true, sir, I assure you : next to the approbation of his own conscience, nothing is so grateful to the heart of man as the love and esteem of mankind. In my mind he is an object of compassion in whatever situation in life he may be placed, who is not sensible of this from his own ex- perienr e . and surely no man can be tolerably happy who thinks himseL' the object of their hatred. We all know, gentlemen, that the love of soldiers, important as it is to those who command them, may be acquired on easier terms than that of any ether set of men, because the habit of obedience in which thoy are bred in- clines them to respect their officers ; unbiassed equity in the midst of the strictest discipline commands their esteem, and the pmallest act of kindness secures their gratitude and attachment. 28 NED FENTON'S J 1i I have always endeavored to preserve a steady and regular disci- pline among the troops under my command, yet I have the hap- piness to believe that I am more loved than feared by those among them who have the best opportunity of knowing me. One of the greatest pleasui'es I ever enjoyed (I see some hero who were with me on that occasion), was in overhearing the advanced guard talk affectionately of me when they knew not 1 was near them. I will own to you, sir, it came over my heart like the sweetest music, and if I thought myself the object of the secret execretions of the men under my command, it would ' poil the harmony of my life, and jar my whole soul out ot tune. Lieutenant , what I have heard of your behavior to the soldiers I am willing to impute to a misplaced zeal for the service. It is difficult to believe that a man ,of birth and education could have been prompted to the severities you have exercised by other motives. This cojisidcration has Aveiglied with me in not subjecting part of your conduct to the judgment of a court martial. With respect to the soldier whom you have confined so long, you certainly treated him from the first with too mucli severity. The natural awkwardness of a recruit is to bo corrected gradually, .md with gentleness : severity confounds him, and increases the evil to be remedied. To give way to anger and passion on such an occasion is inconsistent with the dignity which an officer ought to preserve before the men. As for the soldier's answer to your very intem- perate menace, although a soldier under arms ought not to make any reply to an officer, yet all the circumstances being weighed, what he said was excusable ; to endeavor to torture it into mutiny would be absurd. You ought to remember, gentlemen, that, as military dlKcipllno looks to tlio nenoral tondencv and remote con- sequences of things, more than to their intrinsic criminality, many actions are treated as crimes by the military laws which in themselves are innocent or frivolous, and when a soldier. Irritated by undeserved insult, overleaps subordination, and repels the wan- PORTFOLIO. 29 ton tyranny of an ofiScer, howeA'er he may be condemned by the unrelenting laws of discipline, he will be absolved by the natural feelings of the human heart which revolts at oppression, nor will he appear, even in the eyes of those who tliink his punishment expedient an object of either contempt or aversion ; but when an officer armed with the power and intrenched within the lines of discipline indulges unmanly passion or private hatred against an unprotected and unresisting soldier, in what light can this officer appear either in his own eyes or in those of others?" THE EFFECT OF PxVRDON. In the garrison town of Woolwich, a few years ago, a soldier was about to be brought before the commanding oflicer of the regiment for some misdemeanour. The oOiccr entering the sol- dier's name said, " Here is again; what can Ave do with him? He has gone through almost every ordeal." The sergeant-major apologised for intruding, and said, " There is one thing that has never been done with him yet, sir." "What is that, sergeant- major?" "Well, sir, he has never yet been forgiven." "Forgiven !" said the colonel, "here is his case entered." "Yes, but the man is not before you yet, and you can cancel it." After the colonel had reflected a few minutes, he ordered the man to be 1)rought before him. AVhen he was asked what he had to say relating to the charges brought against him, — "Nothing sir," was the reply, "only that I am sorry for what I have done." After making some suitable remarks, the colonel said, "Well, we are resolved to forgive you now." The soldier was struck with astonishment, the tears started from, his eyes — he wept. The colonel, with the adjutant and the others present, felt deeply when they saw the man so humbled. The soldier thanked the colonel for his kindness and retired. The narrator had the soldier under his notice for two and a-lialf years after this time, and never during that time was there a charge brought against him or fault found with him- Mercy triumphed — kindness conquered, th5 man was won. 80 KED FEXTON'S AN ARGUMENT IN FAVOR OF A PROHIBITORY • LIQUOR LAW. The following incident is one of my strongest arguments in favor of a prohibitory liquor law : — A coroner's inquest was held in the city of Toronto, the facts connected with which are shortly as follows : A few years ago I was acquainted with Mr. V., a healthy,- handsome English gentleman, about thirty years of age, of ruddy complexion, good address, and pleasing manners. His father, who held a high military position in India, supplied him liberally with money — sometimes as much as five hundred pounds in one draft. He liad travelled over the continents of Europe and America, and was at the time of my acquaintance with him in the fur trade ; he was a noble fine fellow^ liberal and tender-hearted to a fault. Of his many acts of beneficence, I have seen him bring two poor boys and a poor man, who were perfect strangers to him, into a tailor's shop, and order and pay for a comfortable suit of clothes for each. I was perfectly astonished one evening, shortly after he had received a remittance of five hundred pounds, to see him coming into my house in a state bordering on intoxication. I kept him during the night, and next morning he wa^ so prostrate I was obliged to give him a strong glass of brandy which brightened him up, when conversed freely with me. He said the very taste of strong liquors under any pretence led him to the excessive use of them, and that he was obliged to be a teetotaller ; that in the course of his travelling and business, he was often exposed to strong temptation to drink liquor at hotels, with companions, and when fatigued, and especi.illy as the liquor caused him to converse with ease and fluency, it made his heart light and i;;:ppy, ov^- m trying to l:eep up the delightful sensation, he w: - obliged to increase hU draughts of the liquor, until it resulted Mt low spirits, prostration, and remorseful feelings of sclf-impcachiiK'nt ; that he was astonished that hjs acquaintances could drink liquors without PORTFOLIO. 81 CORY amcnts in the facts healthy,- of ruddy Lthcr, who rally with one draft, erica, and ur trade ; to a fault. y two poor 1 to him, ble suit of !g, shortly ds, to see ication. I (rostrate I )rightened very taste iessive use hat in the jxposed to nions, and converse pv, oil- in obliged to ow spirits, t ; that he rs without being prostrated as he was, nnd that by imagining his constitution had altered, ho was on an average overcome with liquor about once a year, — and with feelings of bitter anguish he exclaimed, " Oh ! that I had never tasted strong liquor ! After agonizing struggles to resist the temptation, I have been again and again drawn into the serpent's mouth. Would to heaven there was not a tavern in the world." I advised him to go to an extensive hydropathic establishment, or to some quiet retreat on the sea shore, far from the allurements of liquors, and to remain bathing, fishing, and reading useful and interesting books during the summer. He said lie would go to the sea shore as I advised. Several months passed away, the Indian summer made its appearance, and the scone was deliglitful. One morning as I walked past the parliament buildings in Toronto, I met a gentleman who asked me the name of the steamer just then sailing into port. " Why, Mr. V.," said I, *• is it possible you have returned?" "Yes;" said he, "I have boon, ever since you saw me, at Saratoga Springs, and have kept from company and from liquor while there, which was a severe task of self-denial." He said that although his resolution was stronger than it had been for some time past, he felt occasional cravings, and feared that in some ungarded hour he would yet be drawn into the vortex of drunk- enness and lose his life by it. He attributed his strong inclina- tion to drink liquor to early indulgence, too much confidence in his own strength, and to the example of moderate drinkers. " I do not mean to convey to you" said he, " that I have ever been a drunkard ; on the contrary, I have never been seen tipsy on the streets, and with the exception of being overcome, as I told you oncip. in a year, I have been obligctl to be a sti-ict t^et-.taler ; but by the eflFects of fascinating liquor, I hixve been reduced to such a wretched state of mind while appearing to men to bo sober, that I could have wished myself out of the world. From my very souj I wish there was not a tavern in the world." One evening a few 82 NED FENTON'S 11 il weeks afterwards, I met him on the street tipsey ; the big tears rolled down his manly cheeks as I said, "0 dear! Mr. V., this is painful !" Advice, warnings, and entreaties were then lost; the monster had seized him in his iron grasp; day and night ho went from tavern to tavern drinking, aqd squandering, and losing his money and property. Who would be a tavern-keeper ? Who would be his customer? Alas! poor V. was now one of their cus- tomers — he took little food or rest, and Avas not easy but in a state of stupefaction. A few weeks after my last interview, as above stated,, knowing that V. had no relative in the city, I went to look for him, and after a long search, I knocked at the door of a mean-looking house in an obscure part of the city, to which I was directed. A care-worn looking woman, in wretched dishabille, and whose whole appearance indicated the little pleasure she had in this world, made her appearance. "Does Mr. V. stop here?" said I. " Yes, sir," said she, "but he is very unwell. Step this way, sir." I entered a small room, almost denuded of furniture, and there was poor V. lying on a wretched bed, in a state of par- tial insanity, far awaj'^ from the soothing and. affectionate sympa- thy of relatives ; he spoke incoherently, and did not know me ; a bottle of wine stood on a small table beside the bed, of Avhich he drank a little every few minutes, I asked the woman why slie gave him strong liquors. She said it was impossible to keep them from him as long as he was able to get them, and since he was not able to leave his bed (during the past two days) the doctor ordered him wine. That night, while in a fit of delirium, he jumped out of bed, and through the window sash, undressed, and fell down on tin- street and was dead ! Had that promising young man guarded against the example of old moderate drhikers ; had a prohibitory Tquor law been in force in this country when he made his last i:t. iiggle to get free, his ignominious and untimely fate would hav been averted. It is melancholy to remark that the man and his wife in whose house he had his last drinking scene, and where he died, who, a! kindne dren, a for the in a fe^ rium tr Then strong 1 their de causes ; asylums for confi est bene the tem( such exa I read strong 1 threaten: come b^ to bed w tening thought purpose and sym though not knov ever. I his wife excellent Thed expedien PORTFOLIO. 33 big tears r. v., this I lost ; tho it he went losing his er ? Who ' their cus- y but in a tervlew, as ity, I went it the door to which I dif^habill^, ire she had top here?" Step this ■ furniture, tate of par- ite sympa- know me ; )f which he hy she gave ) them from as not able jrdercd him i out i)f bed, )n tlio street ded sifl^ainst itory Tquor ISt S:t:llggle [ hav" been 1 his wife in re he died, who, although perfect strangers to him, were the recipients of his kindness in clothes and provisions for themselves and their chil- dren, and who, in return, encouraged him in his liquor drinking for the sake of the liquor they drank themselves, were both dead in a few weeks afterwards — one of cholera, and tlie other of deli- rium tremens. There is no doubt there are many who suffer from the effects of strong liquors, as Mr. V. did, whose sufferings, and in some instances their deaths, are cloaked, or attributed by their friends to other causes ; such persons would gladly avail themselves of inebriate asylums, the founders of which or the originators of any antidote for confirmed drunkenness will be hailed by thousands as tho great- est benefactors of mankind. Who, or where is he who would have the temerity to tamper with strong liquors in his youth in view of such examples as that of Mr. V. and others like him. A CURE FOR DRUNKENNESS. I read of a person who was cured of his inordinate love for strong liquors in the following manner : — Advice, warnings, and threatening were lost on a gentleman who was so completely over- come by drinking strong liquors, that he was obliged to be carried to bed while in a state of drunkenness every night. He was has- tening to beggary and destruction. Everything that could be thought of was done to avert the impending calamity, but to no purpose, and his poor wife and three young children, and kind and sympathising friends looked on the unfortunate inebriate as though he were staggering on the brink of an awful precipice, not knoAviiig the moment he would be hurled into destruction for ever. Sorrow and anguish were pictured in the countenances of his wife and family and friends, as he had been a most amiable and excellent man, his love for the liquor alone excepted. The doctor who attended the family most fortunately hit on an expedient one evening, which had the desired effect. While he sat 84 NED FENTON S and talked cheerfully and had a glass of punch with him, he se- crelly conveyed some drops of laudanum into his liquor, and in a short time ho was carrfed to bed drunk as usual, when the doctor spliced and bandaged up his leg with long strips of calico as though it had been broken, and after giving directions how to act, took his leave. Early on the following morning, when the poor fellow awoke ho exclaimed, "Why, what cftn be the matter with my leg? " " 0, William, William ! what a mercy you were not killed !" said his wife. "What has happened to me?" he ;.n- quired with astonishment. "O William!" replied his wife, "id it possible you are not conscious of having lallcn down stairs last night and broken your leg, and of the doctor bandaging it and helping to put you in led? " "I really do not remember any- thing about it," said he, whereupon she reasoned and talked with him, reverting to their courtship and marriage, and the happy days they spent during the fir.-t three or four years after mar- riage, and how they covenanted together to live for everlasting happiness, and how he went down step by step to his present awful position, and was thank^l that she was not without hope for him, that the only thing the doctor feared was fever, and that she would spare no exertion for him. About breakfast hour the doctor entered, and with grave countenance and solemn tone congratulated him that it was his leg and not his neck that was broken, and gave directions that he must avoid taking anything that would have the slightest tendency to cause fever; and so matters continued for several days, the doctor paying his i*egular daily visit. At last the doctor said ho might walk about the room with the use of a staff, which he did for several days, and then the bandage was removed, but for a long time the leg was stiff; at the end of six or seven weeks, the leg was recovered, and his love for liquor so far removed that it was with feelings of shame and remorse he talked of his conduct, rejoiced at his recovery, and made a most solemn vow never again to PORTFOLIO. 85 , he se- md in a J doctor alico as w to act, he poor ter with fere not " ho :,u- ;\rife,. "id lairs last 5 it and ber any- ked with e happy ter mar- erlasting present 3ut hope and that ast hour 1 solemn not his ist avoid to cause le doctor ho might 1 he did )ut for a eeks, the [ that it conduct, again to taste strong liquors. In ahout three months afterwards, and when there was no apprehension of his integrity, he was entrusted with the secret at which he laughed heartily, and expressed h s sincere thanks that under any circumstance he was reclaimed from perdi- tion, and ever afterwards continued firm to his pledge. Indul- gence in strong liquors does not always result in such a mel- ancholy catastrophe as that of poor Mr. V., as the following inci- dent will show. MURTY KENNEDY AND HIS WIFE. Murty was an active man of business, except when under the influence of liquor, which was very often. He kept a grocery in a square opposite the gaol. One day, while a criminal was being executed, and Murty gazing at the dreadful scene from his own door, a bystander remarked that such an awful sight ought to de- ter the most'hardened villain from ever committing another crime; and then addressing Murty, he said, " Honest man, will you be kind enough to help thi< bag of meal on my back?" "In welcome," said Murty, as he assisted the man to put the bag on his back. It was one of Murty's bags of oatmeal which were exposed for sale on the broad si lewalk in front of his store, but Murty had been imbibing so freely all the morning that he had a bewildered notion of what he was aoout. A few minutes after the rogue had disap- peared in the crowd, Mrs. Kennedy, who was attending in the store, asked Murty if the man on whose back he helped the bag of meal had paid him for it. " Is it pay me you mane," said Murty, "the divil a penny did he pay me for it, did'nt he buy the bag from you and pay yourself for it?" he continued. " The burse o' Cromwell light on you, Murty Kennedy," replied Mrs. Kennedy; "get out o' my sight this minnet you durty drunken sot ; you'll never quit your vagabone liquor till we are all beggared and rob- bed out of house and home." — " I'll run after the thief," said Murty. — "You may run to Jerusalem if you like," replied his 86 NED FENTON S ' .... ;,'i ■! wife; 80 saying, she made a charge at him with the broom, which caused him to beat a hasity retreat. When he got sober he was so much asliamed of his conduct in helping hia own bag of meal on a rogue's back, that ho joined the teetotallers, and shortly afterwards his wife joined also, and they have remained firm to the pledge for the last twenty-five years. They are now independent, and often revert with pleasure to the fortunate bag of meal, which the owner assisted the robber to steal, while both were looking at a criminal being exccuLcd. — Now I will give you two or three examples of HOW TOPERS RAISED THE WIND. Paddy McBride, a farmer, whose business operations did not suc- ceed in the countrv, came into town and started a tavern. He had not been long established in his intoxicating vocation, Avhen by doing liberal justice to fresh bread, meat and beer, he became as distended and capacious as his corpulent neighbour Paddy Sherry. One day Dick M'Cabo, Davy Creed, Tom McCardel, and three or four other hurlers met in a spacious room in his house, without any apparently preconceived arrangement, and called for round after round of whisky, until each had his round ; the landlord fancying he had made a hit in his business and locality, joined them, and treated, and then each offered to pay the whole score, to which the others objected. So after a great deal of friendly squabbling, it was agreed to play blind man's buff, and the first caught was to pay for all ; accordingly, the landlord was blind- folded, and the hoyi after hemming him all round Avith forms and in t'^'^ '•'^ chairs, and keeping up noisy lulLlng and walkii slipped out one by one, leaving poor Paddy groping round the walls and knocking his legs against forms trying to find some luckless wight Avho he thought was silently poked up in a corner. At last, Mrs. McBride hearing the noise of forms and chairs fall- ing, and wondering what was keeping her husband, entered the PORTFPLIO. J)7 room, and to her amazt.ncnt found him blindfolded and glawming round the walls with extended arms, and nobody in the room with him. Fortunately he had not been on the 8pree for some time, or she would have believed him to be under the influence of delirium tremens. It is needless to say he never played blind man's buff for the reckoning again. John Hollins went into the store of Mr. Milles with two bottles of water in his over-coat pockets. The bottles were the same size and labelled exactly as those which were full of whisky and for sale on Mr. Milles's shelf. John asked for and obtained two bot- tles of whisky, which he stowed in two capacious pockets, and after searching his pocket for money to pay for them, "Denr me," said he to the shopman with an air of dissapointment, " what a stupid fellow I am to forget my purse." "0, it does not signify," said the man, " you should be most welcome to the bottles, but we keep no bo:)ks and give credit to no person ; but you can leave them until you return with the r^oney." Whereupon John, who had known Avell that no credit was given, slowly drew out the two water bottles which the man took and placed on the shelf, and John went off chuckling over his trick, and of cou''«e did not re- turn with the money. Once upon a time two troops of drngoons came to be quartered in the town, and John, well knowing that hay would be the first article required, brought the quarter-master into an extensive meadow, and sold him twelve cocks of prime hay, receiving one pound five shillings as earnest money, which renewed the hurling spree. The officers, of course, found out their mistake when tbey would not be allowed to remove the hay, but John was non €st inventus. .... — Jim Robinson, ycleped " Orson," in consequence of his big bushy black whiskers, kept a tavern in a round house which was a ren- dezvous for a hurling club, where rules were made and plans con- cocted to raise the wind. Con Molloy, a handsome, smart young fellow, joined them ; on the eveni»g of his initiation, he had a. 88 NED TENION'S pretty fair suit of clothes on, and not being able to liquor with old guzzlers, he got so tigJit early in the evening that he was obliged to be carried to bed, where he lay in a profound sleep) while some of his hard-cased companions carried his clothes to the pawnbrokers and raised ten shillings on them. When Con awoke, at about 9 p.m., and missed his clothes, he rolled the blankets and quilt around him like a cloak, and marched oiT to the same pawn- broker, to whom he explained matters, pawned the bed clothes, released his own, and having a few shillings to spare, procured a couple of botcles of whisky, and coolly and deliberately walked back to the club^ every one of whoiti thought he saw Con's ghost ; but when he explained, they all gave him the right hand of fellow- ship, as being one of their best members. A PEDAGOGUE IN LOVE— LIQUOR AND LAW. I shall now wind up by reading a short report of a case tried before thr magistrates at Toronto, a few years ago. O'SULLIVAN vs. WHITESIDE. Mr Collins appeared for the plaintiff, and Mr. Dempsey for the defendant. It appeared from Mr. Oollins's statement that the defendant (who is a widow lady), employed the plaintiff (who is a school- master), to instruct her children in the usual branches of a po- lite education, but by reason of his misconduct and dissipated habits, had to dispense with his services before the termination of his engagement, and refused to remunerate him for his services while in her employment. Mr. Dempsey contended that the plaintiff's misconduct, by presuming to make love to his fair and lovely client, while engaged in the instruction of her children, disentitled him to his salary. Mr. Collins. — It is the first time I heard that love making was considered an offence. If lovers were deemed criminals, the largest portion of our countrymen would now be criminals in a lodging shoot.' ideas, PORTFOLIO. 39 lor with he was i sleep» s to the . awoke, cats and e pawn- clothes, )rocured T walked s ghost ; >ffellow- A.W. ase tried y for the efendant a school- of a po- issipated mination 3 services duct, by J engaged salary, tking was nals, the .nals in ft penal colony ; probably Mr. Dempsey among the rest. The fact is, the plaintiff has been very badly treated ; he was unceremoni- ously ejected from the house of the defendant, as also from her affections mthout getting the usual notice to quit. It is very true, that when strongly encouraged by the defendant, the plaintiff, like the generality of Irishmen, draftei a declaration of his affec- tions. Mr. Demfsey. — Yes, but my facinating client had the good tasto to demur to his declaration. Mtgistrate. — And Mr. Collins's client was non-suited. Mr. Collins. — Shakspeare has observed that " tl^e course of true love never did run smooth," audit has been verified \.\ the present instance. The learned dominie having entered the witness box, made a graceful bow to his worship, which would have done ere lit to Lord Chesterfield, or to a French dancing master. No pen less gifted than that of a Dickens, or a Lever, could adequately des- cribe the grotesque appearance of the amorous pedagogue. An ample quantum of buttermilk and whisky was the distinguishing characteristic of his physiognomy, which bore all the inflammatory appearance of a lantern in a lighthouse. The nasal organ of this "gay Lotharia " prominently protruded, and its longitude threatened to come into hostile collision with his chin. It was gemmed over with a profusion of rubies, which afforded ample evidence that he sacrificed freely at the shrine of the "jolly god." At the same time, his whole contour was indicative of fun, frolic, and inexhaustible drollery. Being sworn and examined, he gave his evidence as follows : — I am a preceptor by profession. The defendant agreed to pay me at the rate of twenty pounds a year, with board, washing, and lodging, for " teaching the young ideas of her children how to shoot." I accordingly magnified their intellects, exalted their ideas, extended their faculties, elevated their minds ; and they I r 40 NED FENTON S 'il ,i ''111:! hi made such astounding and prodigious progress under my precep- torship, in Greek and Latin, as to be able to demonstrate, with mathematical precision, the age of the Grecian Helen the day she eloped with the Trojan Paris. llayistrate. — You are a very learned man, Mr. 0' Sullivan. Witness. — That is not all, your worship. I have also illumi- nated their sentiments, clarified their brains, irradiated their understandings, and crystalized their conceptions — (roars of laughter) ; and as for geometry, I taught them to construct an equilateral triangle on the point of a needle. The fact is, your worship, my lamented mother — rest her soul in glory, and may the heavens be her bed, and the clouds her blankets — told me that the first day I was ushered into this world of care and trouble, Apollo and the nine Muses descended from mount Parnassus, and smiled on my cradle, and ever since I have been a. genius. (Re- newed laughter.) After all this, the defendant told me to ampu- tate my cane, or in vulgar phraseology, to "cut my stick," and never again to let my ugly phiz be seen Avithin her domicile ; and all this too, your worship, when Lola Montes could dance an Irish reel in my pocket, without the slightest fear of stumbling on a bank note, or knocking her toe against an old tenpenny bit. You know, your worship, that the perfidious sex have been doing mis- chief from the commencement of the world. Eve brought woe and misery on mankind ; the faithless Helen caused a ten years' war, which laid old Troy in ashes ; Cleopatra ruined Mark Anthony ; and even the holy Bible tells us that Ilerodias's daughter in- duced King Herod to behead John the Baptist. Magistrate. — It appears, Mr. 0' Sullivan, that you entertained a different opinion of the sex when you were making love to the defendant; Witness, — Yes ; but after pulverizing my heart, she jilted and exterminated me. The poet was right when he said (Loud PORTFOLIO. 41 jT precep- ate, "with s day she livan. 50 illumi- ted their (roars of istruct an t is, your and may —told me id trouble, assus, and ius. (Re- 3 to ampu- tick," and licile ; and ce an Irish ibling on a ^ bit. You doing mis- ;ht woe and years' war, Anthony ; aughter in- entertained love to the le jilted and " Woman ! that fair and fond deceiver, How prompt are striplings to believe her." Cross-examined by Mr. Dempsey. — I never courted Mrs. White- side till I saw she was anxious for the sport herself ; shure I would be no Irishman if I did not reciprocate that celestial feeling. I have a love token here that she gave me, and a remarkable one it is too. (At this stage of the proceedings, the witness produced a handkerchief, having on one side a representation of Cardinal Wiseman and Lola Montez waltzing together at Drury Lane theatre ; while the other side represented Bishop McHale and Parson Grregg dancing a hornpipe at Donnybrook fair, for a wager. The production of this strange article in open court caused great laughter.) I never refused to augment the capacity of my pupils in Greek and Latin, but I would not descend so low as to demonstrate vul- gar fractions. Oh, no ! Mr Dempsey, that would be infra dig, quite beneath nie ; paulo majora canainus, I soar higher. It was not for that I read Horace and Virgil, Homer and Lucian. I "must support the dignity of my profession, and leave common cyphering to hedge schoolmasters, who are ignorant of the sublime beauties of the Meonian bard. I was never to say drunk, but was a little mellow on St. Patrick's day ; shure I would be no true Milesian unless I sprinkled the shamrock with a little " moun- tain dew " on Paddy's own day. Every flower and plant requires to be moistened in spring— it promotes vegetation. Was it not with whisky St. Patrick banished all the serpents from the coun- try? Everybody — even my countryman Squire Lewis, at the sign of the big lock, on King-street — knows the saint's mother kept a shebeen in the county of Tipperary ; and all the poets, from Hesiod down to Robby Burns were loud in their laudations of the " barley bree." Tom Moore tells us to "Fill the bumper fair, every drop we sprinkle Oa the blow of caie, smooths awaj n wrinkle." (Loud laughter.) * , 42 KED FENTON'S m f ii'i m ' ! Mr. Dempsey having handed witness a letter, asked him if it was not his production. Mr. O'Sulllvan having answered in the affirm- ative, Mr. Dempsey read its contents as follows:— " Most adored idol of my soul : — " Whene'er I view those lips of thino, Tu3ir ruby hiie ia\ itvs nij fervent nine, " The sparkling brilliancy and fiery lustre of your eyes, have turned my melting heart to a cinder ; your jet black ringlets have bewildered my seven senses ! I wish you would throw oflf that w^idow's cap and emancipate your coal black locks from the bond- age of its narrow borders. " How altered your air Wiih thiit close cup you wear, 'Ti' destrnyiiifr \(iiir hair Which shuu'.d be flowiDg free { Hj uo longer a (hurl Of youi bltck silken curl, Ouh hunn I Widuw Macfaree. " Most peerless divinity of my inmost heart, whose beauty super- excels the Juno's and Dido's, the Helen's and Venus' of antiquity, in the same geometrical proportion as the moon out-splendours the minor constellations, take pity on me, and allow me to ease my bleeding heart, by reclining on your snow white bosom. 'Tis true my head is bleached with the frost of fifty winters, but cupid has kindled such a fire in my heart, that like mount .^tna, whose top is constantly covered with snow, at the same time that it discharges burning lava fi om its centre, so my poor heart, red as the cinders from the bowels of Hecla, is now sending forth its heaving sighs, to pay the homage of my white locks to those charming black curls of thine. , "I have the super-adoring joy to subscribe myself your burning- hearted, worshipping lover, "Patrick McCarthy O'Sullivan." (^Roars of laughter.) PORTFOLIO. 48 1 if it waa ;he affirm- tyes, have glets have T ofif that the bond- ,uty super- antiquity, splendours to ease my 'Tistrue cupid has whose top discharges the cinders ^ing sighs, aing black ir burning- ,LIVAN." Mr. Dempset/. — Are you not ashamed for having written such an insulting letter to the mother of your pupils ? Witness. — No ! What should I be ashamed of? I can truly say with my poetical friend Horace, Vixi nuper idoneus puellis El militiivi uon sine gluria; which, if you wish translated, I will do so to oblige you, as you know Irishmen are always good-natured. In the dirty Saxon tongue, then, it means I was lately called upon duty, And bravely fought as the champion of beauty. Here the witness turned to the bench, made three most obse- quious bows, and retired from the box amid roars of laughter. Mr. Dempsey. — I am prepared to prove, your worship, by the testimony of the defendant's servants, that the plaintiff was re- peatedly drunk while engaged in teaching Mrs. Whiteside's children, and otherwise misconducting himself in such a manner as to disentitle him to his salary. Court. — Very well, Mr. Dempsey, bring forward your witnesses. Kitty Doherty, sworn and examined by Mr. Dempsey: — I am living in the service of Mrs. Whiteside. I know Paddy O'Sul- livan, the schoolmasther, and shure good right I have ! many's the time I had a scalded heart from him, sthrivin' to put him to bed when he was dhrunk. If the big bay furninst th3 city there was whisky, Paddy would dhrink it in a week. On Patrick's day he went to Poll Kelly's sheebeen shop, at the corner of Nelson sthreet, where he got lots of the native from Poll, as he lets on to be courtin' her. Paddy was dhrunk all the live long day from mornin' to night St. Patrick's Day, and for two days afther. The misthress sent me an' Biddy Burke to Poll Kelly's to bring him home. We found him stretched along the side of the hearth dead dhrunk, with the side of his hat and one of his whiskers burned clane off ; an' he was snorin' so loud that you'd think it was Tim Canty the huntsman, who had come over all the way from ould I lil'.i I, 44 NED FENTON S Ireland, and was blowin' the horn to gather the hounds. (Roars of laughter. Mr. Dempsey. — Did you disturb his repose ? Witness. — Yes ; we put him into a wheelbarrow, but he was mighty cross intirely ; he kicked at us, and cursed like a Throjan, so that I had to leave Biddy Burke wud him to keep him engaged, while I whipped out to the back yard and made a seagaun to tie him to the wheelbarrow. When I got back, Biddy got her shawl and fastened one of his hands wud it ; I tied the other with Poll Kelly's garther, an we rowled the sot home to the misthress's in the dead of the night, in that way. When we got home, he was mighty wake intirely, an as pale as a sheet, an as cowld as a stone. The mistress thought he was dyin', an' sent oflFfor Doctho'- Kmg. When the Docthor cum, he put some long pipe down his throath, an the whisky kem gallopin' up for all the world like the pump in the yard. He used to be always thrubblin' the misthress wud talk, an vexin' her wud love letthers. One day he axed her to let him kindle his dhoodheen wud the fire iv her eyes. Cross-examined by Mr. Collins. — 'Tisn't that I say it meself, I kem ov a dacent shtock ov people — my grandfather was cousin- garman to ould Father Tim Loftus, parish priest of Doonbeg ; an' from me mother's side, who kem acrass the broad Shannon from Kerry, there was not an 0' Sullivan or an O'Connell from Thra- lee to Derrynane, that were not her blood relations. You'd like to look at me mother, your worships, when she was dhressed off on a Sunday, goin' to Bawnogue chapel ; she wore a speck and span new gown wud five flounces to it — a muslin cap wud four dimmity bordhers to it — a pair ov illigant calf-skhin pumps, which she never soiled till she got within half a mile ov the chapel, an' her arms were purtier than an Indian's face. Many's the time she was taken for a proddissen. That durty attorney who wanted to throw a slur on my karacthur, what had his mother? the durty- mouthed unmannerly spalpeeen ! She hadn't as much baffity in PORTFOLIO. 45 her cap as wud make a pair of breeches for the knave o' spades. Me father, too (may the heavens be his bed), was the largest an' finest lookin' man in the parish ; he was six feet six inches, wudth- out shtockin's, an' if he only had a pair he would be half an inch higher; his showldhers were so broad that Murty Delany, the lame tailor, and Poll Kelly, could dance a mooneen jig on them, an' leave room for the fiddler. That ugly attorney need not thii k that my misthress would marry him or his ould schoolmasther. I won't answer any more of his ugly questions. (Roars of laughter.) Mr. Collins. — I won't ask the witness any more questions — she is a regular Tartar, who has brass enough in her face to make a knocker for a hall-door. I thank my stars that I have been saved from matimony, and with it the violent intrigues of the opposite sex. The magistrates dismissed the complaint, by reason of the plaintiflF's misconduct. Poor Dominick left the court much crest- fallen, and vowing eternal vengeance against womankind in general. BEN'S RESOLUTION. There were temperance societies in my native country, but they were few and far between. The members were treated as a pusillanimous set of demure Methodists. They did not, however, deny themselves the use of beer, wine, and other mild liquors, which had not such a staggering effect as whisky ; they often reminded me of sergeants' guards of light infantry with fusees attempting to silence whole parks of artillery. When I joined, I was obliged to abandon my most intimate companions ; and when we introduced the teetotal pledge, I became the subject for the taunts and sneers not only of my old friends but of tale-bearers, back-biters, lying prophets, and haters of teetotallers, who, without giving a thought to the subject, or investigating its merits, set me down as a sort of fanatic, or a pilgrim, fit for nothing but a cloister, and our m NED PENTON S ? society as a dernier resort for people out of whose heads common sense and discretion had been driven by liquor, and for those who had gone so far in the enemy's service as to fear they would become confirmed drunkards if they did not place themselves under public restraint. But I counted the cost ; I knew that our cause was a good one, not only sanctioned but enjoined by the wisest and best men in all ages of the world ; that the most shining examples of all that is excellent in this world are those who have neither touched, tasted, nor handled that which has destroyed thousands of millions of the human family. I was well aware that I must not expect perfection in any society of men — that in ours, as in all other societies composed of various ranks, grades, intelligence and tempers, there would be occasional difference of opinion re- sulting in uiipleasant grumbling and vituperation bearing so hard on the equanimity of some sensitive and squeamish members, whp, forgetting all their pleasant associations in the society, the benefits of the past, and reckless of the future, would ground their arms and desert, taking with them a petulent temper, which, in all probability, they would lose on their way home while indulging in sensible reflection. Such con- duct lies somewhere between the noble and the pusillanimous ; but none of these things moved me from my purpose of sticking to the society through good and evil report. I determined to bear with patience the wayward, impetuous, and crooked proclivities of members whose tempers and dispositions I could not mould to suit my views ; to exercise that charity which " beareth all things, . hopeth all things, endureth all tilings ; " in short, to huff at no- thing in our meetings short of being knocked down, and even that would be preferable to being put hors de combat under the smile and blarney and guise of friendship among tippling companions by intoxicating liquor. t»OWTFOLIO. 47 common lose who y would 63 under ur cause isest and examples B neither biousands t I must irs, as in elligence linion re- y so hard aaembers, society, », would petulent on their uch con- aous; but ;i eking to I to bear livities of lid to suit II things, uff at no- even that the smile mpanions FAULT-FINDING. Recrimination or fault-finding in society meetings form one ques- tionable trait of minor importance in the character or conduct of a member, wh'le perhaps nine good qualities are overlooked, and is subversive of the broad principles of charity which should char- acterize every member. Some lament their failings under a lit- tle excitement, for want of patience and proper words to express their ideas; others for their impetuosity aud unguarded expres- sions, and some for their inability to give vent to their ideas, having frittered away their precious time in their youth, and not having taken advantage of young men's debating societies, grow up into such mumchances .that they can say nothing at all. In every rank of life people are too much disposed to find fault with the expressions and conduct of others, and to pass unkind and severe remarks on the minor faults of their neighbors, while they are slow in bestowing praise on their well-merited and laud- able actions. An eminent writer says : " There is one very gene- ral characteristic of civilized, and even of Christian society, that bears the stamp of malignity, which may particularly be noticed ; and that is, the pleasure with which men expatiate on the faults and delinquencies of their neighbors, and the eagerness with which they circulate scandalous reports through every portion of the community. Almost the one-half of the conversation of civi- lized men, when strictly analysed, will be found to consist of malig- nant insinuations, and of tales of scandal and detraction, the greater part of which is destitute of any solid foundation. How comes it to pass that the slightest deviation from propriety or rectitude, in the case of one of a generally respectable character, is dwelt upon with a fiendish pleasure, and aggravated beyond measure, while all his good qualities are overlooked, and thrown completely into the shade ? What is the reason why we are not as anxious to bring forward the good qualities and actions of our fellow-men, and to bestow upon them their due tribute of praise, as we are to 48 NED FENION'S blnzo abroad their errors and infirmities ? How often does it hap- pen that a single evil action committed by an individual, contrary to the general tenor of his life, will be trumpeted about by the tongue of malice, even to the end of his life, while all his virtuous deeds and praiseworthy actions will bo overlooked and forgotten ? If benevolence were the prevailing characteristic of mankind, such dispositions would seldom be displayed in the intercourses of hu- man beings. If benevolence pre v aded every heart, we would re- joice to expatiate on the excellence of others — these would form the chief topics of conversation in our personal remarks on them ; we would also throw a veil over the infirmities of our brethren, and always be disposed to exercise that candor and charity "which cover a multitude of sins." Notwithstanding the truth of the foregoing remarks, we are all the better for having fault- finders. There are two classes only in the community ; i. e., the few who do good through motives of love to God and man, disregardful of fault-finders ; ,\nd the many who are restrained from evil through fear of fault-finders. How many members of families and of con- gregations would do and say things far from being commendable, and stray away step after step far from the path of rectitude were it not for fear of censors ! Until we all answer the end of our creation by doing good from the purest of motives, we are all the better for watchful fault- finders, to keep us within comparatively proper bounds. In a certain town in Massachusetts, there was a man, several years since, who seemed to be a bold leader of all opposition to religion, and always ready to publish abroad any delinquencies which might be discovered in any professor of religion. At length he made up his mind to remove from the place to another part of the country. Meeting the pastor of the Congregational Church one day, he said, after passing the usual salutation : " Well, I sup- pose you know that I am going to leave town soon, and tfou will POETFOLIO. 49 In a probably be glad of it." " Glad of it ! why no," said the minis- ter, " you are one of our most useful men, and I think I shall hardly know how to spare you." Taken aback somewhat by such a reply, he immediately asked, "How is that?" "Why," re- joined the minister, " there can't be a sheep that gets a foot out of this fold but what you will bark from one end of the town to the other. I think you have really been one of the most useful watciidogs that I ever knew." Fault "nders, hoAvever, are not always free from blame. A short time since, a leader in a church complained to his minister and official brethren in committee, assembled in Quebec, of the irreverent conduct of some members of the congregation who were in the habit of gazing around them while on their knees in the prayer-meeting. s. " Brother," said the minister, "we are aware of the reprehensibieness of such conduct by the practice of which, on your part, we are indebted for your information." As our conduct and proceedings are narrowly watched and scrutinized by an unfriendly community, and especially by the agents of our treacherous enemy, who has entrapped and mur- dered men of genius and bright talents, aifectionate fathers of amiable families, ministers of the gospel, &c., and who is still on the look out plying all his arts and stratagems by his sharp shoot- ers, pickets, and detectives to pick up every one of our members who may be found oflF his guard, let us act together as one man, usQ every artifice within our power to frustrate his designs by vigilant skirmishes, by turning his flanks, breaking his centre, and by well directed charges " push the battle to the gates," spike his cannon, and demolish all his fortifications ; let us extend from right, left, and centre, make prisoners in every direction, and never go into winter quarters nor ground our arms until we have gained a complete victory by the annihilation of the last remnant of his army. As we are a small company when compared with the brigades of Alcohol, let us use the armour recommended by a 50 NED FENTON a distinguished general, one of the greatest heroes ever the world produced, and it will not only render us invulnerable, but give us a complete victory over all our enemies. (Sec Ephcsians Ti., 14 to 17.) We should keep all petty differences in our society rooms, and not allow them to interfere with our every day social and business intercourse. As we have plenty of the ills of life to contend with in our business and domestic relations, lot us by kindness and benevolent attentions gain the nflfections of every class of our fellow men, in order to alleviate their sorrows, and cheer them on their passage through the short journey of life ; let us forgive, " not until seven times, but until seventy times seven." " While we have time let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of" temperance. As our march shall terminate where drunkards shall not enter, let us not fall out by the way. Some of our members are yet struggling to combat old habits and inclinations to return to the "flesh pots" of Bacchus ; deserted companions, who aro hastening in the broad path " Where yond»r fnithless phantom lies To 'lure thorn to their > oom ;" they must be encouraged and strengthened in the principles of temperance, not by shewing a spirit of apathy and negligence of duty, but by activity and zeal, by incitement to action, ancl by unity of purpose and sentiment ; by reminding them of the bond- age they have escaped, the benefits they daily enjoy by health and reputation, and the approving smiles and confidence of tlieir families and friends ; the good example they are setting to those around them, especially the youth committed to their charge ; the bright prospects of the future, the calm and pleasing retrospect, when arriving at the isthmus which separates the future from the past of a life spent in sobriety and usefulness, FOBTFOLZO. 61 FRIVOLOUS DEBATES. Lengthy debates on minor matters should bo avoided. They are often provoked and carri'jd on by ambitious movers or opposers of trifling resolutions, who being possessed of more vanity and sound than brains or discretion, and more from an over anxious desire to display their skill and dexterity in obtaining a victory over their adversary, than to advance the cause of temperance, are often the cause of empty benches. The proceedings become interesting to the speakers only, some of whom will not stop after exhausting their subject by everything but sound logic ; while others monopolize the time by a sort of whining tautalogy a,nd pcriphrase, thereby depriving diflident young members of any chance of taking part in the debate ; and others, weary of the subject, yawn, fidget, whisper to each other, or to the chair- man, walk softly across the room — go out and come in — get called to order — move the previous question — get out of order, and refuse to stand corrected. Sometimes the subject in debate becomes so intricate and entangled into such a confounded maze of tortuosity, by the warping in of extraneous matter, and so puzzling to all present, that the chairman, after several calls to order, and several attempts of members to obtain the floor, directs the question to stand over for unravelling at a future meet- ing ; when, after several appeals against the decision of the chair, and notices of appeal, and a great deal of squabbling, rodomon-~ tade and balderdash, and patience and temper at the extremity of endurance, the business in debate shrivel into thin air, and a motion for adjournment carry, nem. eon., without anything hav- ing been done to extend the boundaries, lengthen the cords, or strengthen the stakes of temperance. FREQUENCY OF MEETINGS, &c. After much experience, I have come to the conclusion that our meetings have been too frequent to ensure a regular attendance. 52 NED FENTON'S Our families demand our prior claims. "We have business, religious, and other appointments to attend to, and it would be much better to have a full and regular attendance, with unity of purpose, once a fortnight, than an irregular attendance once a week. If other societies meet regularly and transact their business properly once a month, surely wise teetotallers who lose no time in charging their glasses and drinking toasts in full bumpers, and talking hy steam, ought to be able to do a large amount of business once a fortnight, by sweeping away the greater part of their inexpedient ceremony ard puerile paraphernalia, which is only calculated to malce men grow weary of it, as children do of their toys. It must be clear to the comprehension of every body that such things are neither rational nor permanent. We should beware of degenerating into class societies by frequency of meetings. As our design is to embrace all classes, societies and persuasions, we should scrupu- lously guard against giving oflFence by words or actions — or inter- fering in any way with the religious or political opinions of any member, be they what they may. Man who is connected with the highest order of intelligences, "made a little lower than the angels," requires something more intellectual than frivolous amusements, ceremonies and gew-gaws, especially in this enlightened age, when knowledge is beginning to diffuse its benign influence amone all ranks and conditions of men. BENEFITS AND FINES. As there are many excellent institutions for investing money for future contingiences, temperance organizations should never have been benefit societies. Such has caused much loss of time, and interrupted the legitimate business of the meetings by pay- ments of money, keeping accounts, investments, &c., and by deli- cate and acrimonious debates as to eligibility of appliciints for relief. I once visited a sick member (officially) who was a n appli- cant for benefits, and found him not so nigh unto death as to 'I piiim(Mb. 53 money deliHufn tremens. They have also, for many yeai-s, been the cause of the dues being too high for many members, -who never would have accepted benefits ; they have retarded the progress of the societies which have introduced them, and ought to be swept away. Fines for non-attendance should be totally abolished; those who subject themselves to fines and come with flimsy excuses to be exempted from them, evince a laodicean zeal for the cause, and are not worthy of being members ; if they hold offices, they should be deprived of them at the earliest opportunity. A society might as well collapse at once as -to attempt to coerce a regular attendance by the imposition of fines. IRREGULAR ATTENDANCE. To irregular attendance may be attributed our drawbacks, em- barrassments, misunderstandings, expulsions, and everything op- posed to our welfare. No organised body, whether civil, political, or military, can exist by irregular attendance. Taking into con- sideration that our society is conducive to health, wealth, and morals, a safeguard against the most alluring snare of the devil — a stronghold for all who are struggling to fly for refuge from a barbarous enemy who gives no quarter, who demands our united efforts to suppress, it ought to be held in high estimation, and re- ceive the cordial co-operation of all right-thinking men ; how much more by its own members, many of whom might have been miser- able misanthropes were it not for the good Samaritans who brought them within its pale ! Our society seems to be taken advantage of for its very name. " I belong to the temperance society" acts like a talisman against the strongest invitations to liquor, and prevents collisions with tavern bars, side boards, and ^ 'table liquor barrels, and is one of the strongest credentials for offices of trust and emolument. Apart from his personal benefit, a member should be possessed of higher and more benevolent aims than going through an initiation ceremony, for the mere purpose of using the 54 NED FENTON'S name of tlie society to shield him from temptation. He should re- member what happened the man who rolled up his pound in a napkin. His ingratitude in irregularly attending the meetings of his society, leaving a few "good men and true" to work for and transact the business of the society, of which he is as much a member as any of them, is sure to recoil on himself. A little re- flection must shew him that such conduct hedges in the field of temperance — that if all members were like him, the cause of tem- perance must fall to the ground. * v.. "He who would be free, himself must strike the blow." ,, The man who is negligent in his attendance can take no interest in his society ; he not only loses the benefit of what talented members may bring forward, and deprives them of the benefit of his services, but by his ignorance of the business of previous evenings, he causes loss of timely explanations, and leaves him- self open to the temptation of his old craving desire for stimulants and inebriating associations, and loses zeal for the cause which he solemnly promised to sustain. It is to be regretted that the campaign should be protracted by being left to such forlorn hopes as those who work for the present temperance organizations, while those who should be reserves and supports keep at such a distance that they might as well be within the enemy's lines. • ^ SUBSCRirTION LISTS Should not be encouraged in business meetings. Members have numerous calls on tbem outside of them, and many see a retriev- ir% necessity for money for their families and other indispensable objects, as rent, taxes, fuel, the baker, the butcher, the grocer j^ the milkman, the vegetable man, the laundress, the servants' wages, the draper, the tailor, the shoemaker, the cabinet maker, the schoolmaster, the doctor, the clergyman, subscriptions to charitable institutions, and many other contingencies. No wonder therefore, that poor men feel a delicacy in giving their reasons for a tl POBTFOLXO. £5 declining to subscribe to objects which may be very good for the time being, but which, for various reasons, very generally turn out worthless, or evanescent temperance enterprises. Judging from past experience, and the negligence evinced in the payment of dues, it is obvious that members will be inclined to desert meet- ings where they are beset and importuned by whining duns for subscriptions. Everything having a tendency to discourage the attendance of members ought to be discountenanced, especially subscriptions. It has been tritely remarked that if you make a man a teetotaller you shut up his pocket — a strong proof of th« '•Tcellence of temperance societies in leading a man to see the ycihv " his money, especially when he is bored by canvassing agents J. oubtless made the trite remark, and who were in the habit of getting initiated into our societies more for the sake of their business operations than zeal for the spread of temperance. [Here Ben's lecture was abruptly brought to a close, in conse- quence of an important note from Mrs. Hare, requiring his imme- diate presence.] The next sketch in my Portfolio relates to MB. AND MBS. JENKINS. Isaac Jenkins was a person of influence and respectability, jovial, kind, and popular among his class, — a kind husband and affectionate parent, and so mild and even-tempered and so upright in his business dealings, that he did not know of a single enemy he had. There was scarcely a party given in the neighbourhood to which Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins were not invited. By his own good nature, however, and the mistaken friendship and hospitality of his acquaintances, at their side-boards and other places he was almost ruined with the best of liquors. He saw this, and feared the consequences, but for a long time he had not the moral courage to break off, and after intervals of teetotalism and tippling, and suffering acutely from the effects of liquor, without ever having 66 FES TENTON'S been seen tipsy by his neighbours, who, knowing nothing of the pain he inwardly felt, judged him rather harshly by the taint of his breath. Hearing this he plucked up courage, and joined one of the orders of temperance, and in all probability (if properly encouraged) he would have drawn scores after him. He attended several meetings, but instead of mutual friendship, unity of pur- pose and sentiment, and plans laid to win others to join them, the evenings passed away in ceremony and frivolous debates — hence his discouragement, which led to irregular attendance and the weakening of his temperance principles. One evening after he returned from business, tea over, and the little ones retired, Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins sat alone, and after some general conversation, she said, "Isaac, does your society meet to-morrow evening?" "I believe it will," he replied, "bnt I guess they are not going to catch me in their meetings once a week to sit there in listless supineness, or take part in discussions about funds, fines, benefits, offices, regalia, by-laws, ceremonies, and various other petty points of discipline, or pic-nics, the expediency of which, in view of the temptation there to breach of pledge by weak members, is very questionable — or to be forcing me on committees, or into some ceremonial sinecu];^. They may be very well satisfied with having my name on their muster roll, and getting my dues promptly, without losing my time and denying myself social enjoyment or a good library, by attending a place where little or nothing is done for the cause of temperance." It must be admitted that Mr. Jenkins displayed a great deal of apathy and indifference for his society in the foregoing reply to his wife, by refusing and neglecting to attend and aid in removing the objectionable parts of which he complained, and by using the word "they" instead of "we" in speaking of his society, of which he was as much a mem> ber as any of them. POBTPOLIO. 67 CHARACTERS INVITED TO A PARTY. " Besides," continued Mr. Jenkins, " we are invited to spend the evening at Mr. Jolly's." " yes," replied Mrs. Jenkins, " we must not, under any circumstances, miss that. I understand it will be a brilliant affair ; the Jollys have gone to great ex- pense during the past week in making preparations for it; they have got a splendid new carpet, and have taken down a partition and removed a great deal of the furniture, and Dorathy and Clara have got beautiful dresses and various other valuable articles for the occasion." " Have you heard who are invited ?" said Mr. Jenkins. "I have," replied Mrs. Jenkins. "Miss Clatterbuck called on me to-day; she was to see Mrs. Trotter, who had just re- turned from Jolly's, where she got a list of those who have been invited. Let me see : there are Mr., Mrs., and the Misses Beve- ridge. Miss Crookshanks and Miss Silverthorn, Doctor Tipple and his sister, Mr. and Mrs. Soaker and their son Phill." — "I am sorry," interrupted Mr. Jenkins, "that they invited those Soakers; they are perfectly endless. You remember how they staid so late at our party, and wearied our patience, until long after every guest had gone away." "0 let them rip," replied Mrs. Jenkins, " they will do us no harm. Well, to resume my list, there are Mr. Singer and his three daughters, Jim Bounce and his mother, — how many's that ? " " I'm not counting," said Jenkins. " Well, no matter," said Mrs. Jenkins, " we'll count them up when we get through the list ; — there is Lawyer Winder and his mother, Jeremiah and Sally Croaker, the Bakers, the Cooks, &nd the Foxes, and young Mr. Primrose." A SNOB. " What a handsome, gentlemanly young man he is, and so neat in his person, and so attentive to the ladies, and he has such a de- lightful name, Ernest Edwin Lee Alphonzo ! Do you know, I'm told he is in love with our Mary; I wish she had him." " I wish 68 KED FENTON'S nothing of the kind," said Jenkins. " He is not the polished, pro- found luminary you take him to be, I assure you. I have on several occasions observed his vacant countenance, poverty of intellect, and inattention when the subject was not congenial to his puerile fancy, as sentimental poetry, and the ladies' companion to the flower garden — which seem to be his hobbies. He is in the habit of interrupting the conversation of others, which not only displays his vacancy, and shallow-brained con- ceit, but exposes a rudeness and vulgarity which he would avoid as he would a pestilence were the eyes of his understanding not darkened by his vanity. He is nothing but a feather- headed snob, who loses too much of his precious time with his hair, his kids, his rings, trinkets, and pomatum, by which, and his mincing and dandy airs in the streets, and trying to do the amiable, he gets sneered at by sensible people. What is his pro- fession ?" " He is a clerk in the Wai/8 and Means Department," replied Mrs. Jenkins, '' and has a salary of two hundred pounds per annum, on which, with a little economy, he and Mary could keep up a very respectable appearance until their family would inert ase, when he would get promoted, and have a large increase to his salary." "I repeat it," replied Mr. Jenkins, " Mary shant have him. I admit that his salary is very good, and more than he could procure elsewhere ; and that there are excellent men employed as clerks by the government. Yet many of them are young men who have neither energy nor intelligence to make a living by professions, commerce or agriculture, and men who abandoned their trades and professions because they had neither means nor tact to succeed in them. I have known young men who were greviously disappointed because tlieir political interest was not strong enough to get them into government situations, and it was most, fortunate for them that they failed in their object, as they turned their energies and talents to other pursuits, and are now independent. After leading sedentary lives, and living up PORTFOLIO. 69 to, and sometimes beyond their means in trying to emulate each other in dross, housekeeping, party giving, &c., several clerks get worn out in the service, and become dependent on their friends during the evening of life. A government clerk who is in the habit of obtaining credi * r lecessaries of life, is either in a very reckless or a very anpr^. ^ jrous position. ^ ../stem of credit is necessary to enable parties engaged in trade and com- merce to carry on their business ; but those who are obliged to depend solely on moderate salaries for their living, should, for their own comfort and the well-being of their families, make it a fixed rule to pay cash on delivery for every article they require, which is the cheapest and best method of household economy. The government acts wisely in giving liberal salaries, as rents, fuel, provisions, &c., are higher at the seat of government than in other places. While clerks in commercial and other depart- ments are in positions in which they may aspire, and rise to part- nerships and independence, government clerks are excluded from all chance of rising to wealthy positions, and have no pros- pect of pensions. Besides, having fewer office hours.than mercan- tile clerks, they are exposed to temptations which may lead to errors, for which, after many years' service, they would be dis- missed, when, from the very nature of their positions, they would be rendered almost as unfit for mercantile service as soldiers leav- ing the army, and which errors might have little or no injurious effects on clerks in mercantile business. A government that pays its servants liberally gets its work done well, and cheapest in the end, not by a horde of incompetent clerks politically pitch-forked into office, but by men of the highest order of talent. I believe the principal reason why the British government stands pre-emi- nently high among the nations is, that its servants are more in- telligent and better paid than those of any other nation. Instead of frittering away their time in frivolous amusements, and trying to imitate young army officers and others in extravagant trine3> $0 NED VENIOK'B and mincing on the streets, young men yr]io are clerks in the government should act wisely hy improving their time in moral and scientific subjects, by making themselves useful in benevolent and religious societies, and in economising their salaries, putting what they can spare into profitable investments. By such a course of action they would, in a few years, become good and useful citizens ; and with prudent wives, living within their means, keep- ing in view sickness and other unforeseen circumstances, and, above all, living for a heavenly inheritance, they would enjoy every blessing designed for them by the Almighty. Nevertheless, I would not consent to a son of mine taking a clerkship in the government, neither will I consent to Mary taking young Prim- rose. Is she much attached to him?" " I do not think she is in love with him," replied Mrs. Jenkins, "nor do I think she hates him; neither ' ^ I think she would be much disappointed if the acquaintance cea. i ; but I think he must be Tcry fond of her, as he comes here very often." " Well, then," said Jenkins, "every time he comes, let Mary be engaged, or out, or unwell — do you understand?" "Would you believe it, Isaac," said Mrs. Jenkins, " I declare Jim Bounce had the assurance to come here after Mary last Thursday, and actually asked me to allow her to take a drive with him." "Who is he?" inquired Jenkins. " He is the son of old Bryan Bounce, ycleped * Paddy Bad Luck,' who keeps the liquor store on Newgate street, and is just a shopman for his father. I declare I fancied he had the stnell of liquor. Of course I said Mary had an engagement for the evening." "If," replied Jenkins, "he had asked me to allow her to have a drive with him, I would have given him a drive that would have upset his assurance ; I would rather have Frank Workman for Mary than a shipload of Primrose. Frank is a manly fine fellow, who, if he sticks to his teetotalism, will turn out a wealthy, respectable man. I would cheerfully give him half what I possess for Mary's sake. Do you think she likes him ?" "I can't PORTFOLIO. 0lf.' say," replied Mrs. Jenkins, "but never mind, I think I can use*, little generalship in that quarter with the old people. I wish yoa had seen Marj to-dajwhen she tried on her new dress; she looked reallj beautiful. But about the list for the party, — there will be Henry Fiddler and his sister. Miss Honeyman, Jemima and Lucy Lovelace, old Sam Porter and his'two cousins, Eli and Caleb Sherry, Charley Leech and Emma Clegg, the Glasses, the Dancers, the Kettyles, Mr., Mrs., and the Misses Piper, and the whole of the Walkers, the Hookers, the Crooks, the Potts, and the Light- foots, Mr., Mrs., and the Misses Doolittle, Nancy Stinson and Kate Sheals, Mr. and Mrs. Skinner, Ben Fish, old Davy Horner and his cousin, Tom Swallow, and Peter Flint, the grocer, — now I think that's all." OLD TOM AND OLD HORNER. " Oh ! there's another, an old acquaintance of yours. I had al- most lorgotten him; he is an intimate acquaintance at Mr. Jolly's. I think he is a Dutchman ; he was a constant companion of yours : now guess who he is." " Why, I really cannot," replied Mr. Jenkins. "Now, that is strange," said Mrs. Jenkins; "you often sought his aid in your troubles. Many a morning you consulted him before breakfast, and several times in the course of the day, and you have often introduced him as a jovial companion to your friends, in the course of business, at parties, and in our house in the evenings, but at last you found out that he deceived you and caused you to lose much of your valuable time, and still you would not quit his company until he picked your pockets, knocked you down on several occasions, and left you on a bed of sickness, where he nearly knocked the brains out of you, and yet you can- not guess who he is." "Why, who in the name of wonder can ho be !" said Mr. Jenkins. "You might as well try to row up the falls of Niagara in a camp kettle with a crow bar for an oar, as get me to go to Jolly's tormorrow evening, if such a scoundrel is ad- !-i e»' NED FENTON'a mittod. Who is he ?" " Why," said Mrs. Jenkins, " don't you re- member Old Tom ?" " Ah ! now I have you," said Mr. Jenkins. " I guarantee I shall not renew acquaintance wiiii that treacher- ous old miscreant to-morrow evening. I can now look him straight in the face and hurl defiance at him ; but who is old Horner ? I have not heard of him before,'' continued Mr. Jenkins. " Don't you relnember ?" replied Mrs. Jenkins. *' When Mr. Simple was telling us how long the Antideluvians lived because they drank no liquors, it was old Horner who said that if Methuselah had taken an occasional 'horn,' he migh'; have been alive yet, and then repeated the poem : * A glass ia the morning is good for the sight, And he that drinks well all daj, sleeps well all night.' " THE MISSES WALKER. "I do pity those Walker girls," said Mr. Jenkins, "because they give themselves a great deal of unnecessary pain and solici- tude in struggling to emulate their richer neighbors. Any article of furniture or dress which they see at a party or any other place, they worry their poor father, irrespective of his j)osition or means, until they obtain one as good if not better ; they are always late in going to church, for the purpose of letting the congregation see them, and are guilty of the reprehensible conduct of whisper- ing and looking about them there, to the annoyance of seriously disposed Christians, who, although they are too delicate to repri- mand them personally, feel no qualms of conscience in animad- verting on such conduct, not only to the minister but to all their acquaintances. And they do assume such airs and pretensions in the street, and in church, passing, with disdainful affectation, young women in as good "positions as respects their father's avo- cation as themselves, but who, by living within their means, have a little less dress and furniture ; and they go mincing ebout as if they were but a short degree removed from nobility, and cannot PORTFOLIO. 63 bear to hear their father's occupation named, feeling ashamed of the very business to yrhi^a they are indebted for their food, rai- ment, education and comforts. And in their stretch to get hus- bands higher in position than themselves, they will miss their equals and their aim, and probably die old maids. Such a course of action keeps their poor father in constant anxiety to keep the sheriff out, and absorbs their time, which should be usefully em- ployed in household affairs, in show and superficials on the streets. They should be aware that young men understand everything con- ner^led with thev father's position and their circumstances, and will not marry them unless they would be placed in the unenviable position in which, by a penchant for dress and show off, they have placed their father." " I am sorry to say there are plenty like them," said Mr^ Jenkins ; " they wi^l not be satisfied with plain, comfortable dress, and furniture, and nice cottages suitable to their positions, and that is the reason we have so many old maids. I can hardly help thinking that such conduct is in a great measure attributable to the mistaken indulgence of parents. I fear we have a great many Uli parents now-a-days. There is a des- cription of the training of young misses in Brooke's Fool of Quality j an extract of which I will read : — ' Again, my dear,' said the mother, *I warn you that you must not be so fond of the Miss Colosses, who used to visit you in the nursery ; for though they are good sort of girls, their parents are people in but middling life, and we never admit them when there's company in the house. And then there's the Miss Sinclairs ; how low you curtsied to them yesterday, and what a rout you made about welcoming and entertaining them ; but let me have no more of that, for though they are rich, they are cits, and people of business, and a nod of your head or inclination towards a curtsey, with some yeses and noes, when they ask you a question, will be matter enough of sa- lute and discourse from you to them. * * * * . I was talking awhile ago of young Jane Quirp — there's a pat- H\ 64 NED FSKTON'S H ' i H iH ^H 1 tern for you, Harriet, one who never likes, or dislikes, or says or does anything a hair's breadth beyond the pink of the mode ; she is ugly, it is true, and very ill-natured, but then she is finely bred, and has all the becoming airs of a miss of distinction. Her you must love my child, and to her you must pay your court, for you must learn to love, and prefer such matters and persons alone as will serve in the beau monde to render you noted and respected for the accomplishments in vogue. These lessons and efforts in time have their influence. Miss comes to accommodate her taste and relish of things to the taste and relish of those whom she is proud to resemble ; she now is ashamed of nothing, but in pro- portion as it is below the top of the mode, and she blushes at no indecency that fashion is pleased to adopt. Her whole soul and essence is futilised, and extracted into show and superficials ; she learns that friendship in high life is nothing but compliment and visits, intimacies, and connections, the polite grimace of people of distinction ; that to talk elegantly upon nothing is the sum of con- versation ; that beauty and dress are the constituents of female perfection ; and that the more we depreciate and detract from others, the more eminently we ourselves shall shine forth and be exalted. She is followed by fops, she is mounted aloft on the wings of flattery, and is hardened against public opinion by self- 00Q.ceit, while she beholds a circling group of the tailor's creation admiring the harmony of her motions, the fineness of her com- plexion, and the lustre of her ornaments. The same vanity that bids her to be desirous of conquest, bids her also to despise them ; but for the vulgar world, she regards it as the dust beneath her feet, created to no end save to be looked down upon and trodden underfoot.' " , SENSIBLE YOUNG LADIES. " I am so glad Mary is so sensible," continued Mrs. Jenkins. ** I declare, Isaac, you would have been delighted to see how she PORTfOirO. 65 or says or the mode ; e is finely ion. Her court, for 'sons alone respected nd efforts i her taste Dm she is it in pro- les at no soul and 3ials ; she ment and people of m of con- [)f female •act from and be t on the by self- creation her com- ity that le them ; iath her trodden enkins. ow she did work to-day. She cooked our dinner while Kitty was wash- ing, and did up all the rooms neatly, and she is so handy with her needle, and keeps things so orderly, I am sure she will make an excellent wife. And there are Nancy Stinson and Kate Wheals, amiable, industrious, and intelligent girls. They are never absent from church ; they are members of several benevolent societies, and the best collectors in town, and although they are good musi- cians, and dress well, they find plenty of time for improvinf; their minds by reading excellent books, and are not a<^hamed ^o be caught in tho performance of any act of household employ- ment, which they are competent to perform, and by which they can promote the interests of their family. Everything is in ap^Io- pie order in their house. All I can say is, they will make e: cel- lent wives, and I hope they will get husbands worthy of them, and that very soon." MR. SKINNER— A SHAVER. " Do you know anything of those Skinners?" said Mr. Jenkins. "I don't know anything of Mrs. Skinner," said Mrs. Jenkins, " but Mr. Skinner is from a place called ' Beggar's Busi;/ some- where in the Highlands of Scotland ; he invests his money in. the purchase of mortgages and promissory notes, by , Ji'oh he obtsins a large percentage ; he has the name of being avaricious and unfeeling, and taking advantage of the necessities of poor peo- ple. When appealed to on several occasions lately by kind friends for industrious, hard working pco] le with large families, for a reduction of exorbitant interest, and for time to pay, he said he was obliged to press for v ayment, as he could not keep his money i^le ; that by giving way to such maudlin sympathy he got well bitten, and he was determined not to be caught again. Besides it was an unwarrantable interference v'ich his business; he did not ask people to borrow his money , if they could better themselves they would not apply to him ; that he had a perfect 66 NED 7ENT01T S right to dispose of his money as he thought proper, and to the best advantage, as any other commodity — ^keeping in view the risk and nature of the security. He would be most impertinent if he made such freedom with people in the disposal of their dry goods or groceries, &c. Many a man he relieved and ^ept out of the sheriff's hands by lending him money. In fact, he considered himself a philanthropist. He is a nasty old miser (a word the origin of which means a miserable wretch). Mrs. Skinner cannot get a pin's worth of dress or anything without his knowledge ; he keeps the key of the tea caddy, and interferes with everything about the kitchen. I am told he carries a calliper in his pocket to measure eggs when he goes to market, and that in consequence of their miserable table no girl will live with them longer than one month. When a military band was passing his house one morning, Peggy, the cook, attracted by the music, ran from her apology for a breakfast to look at them, when she held a slice of a loaf as thin as a wafer before her eyes, and which old Skinner cut for the breakfast. * Why do you hold that bread before your eyes V said he. ' I am looking at the band through it,' replied Peggy; whereupon he ordered her off to finish her breakfast, which, when she had done she gave notice to quit, as she could not afford to buy a small loaf every day out of her wages." While on the subject of old Skinner, Mr. Jenkins read for Mrs. Jenkins the following extracts : — " Diligence and activity in busi- ness is the duty of every man, but the keenness and unwearied exertion so frequently displayed in the accumulation of wealth are very different, and ought to be distinguished from that dutiful attention which every man ought to exercise in procuring the means of comfortable subsistence. When we look around us in the world, and even on the conduct of many Christians, one would be almost apt to conclude, that the acquisition of riches and hon- ors is the great object of pursuit, and the ultimate end of human existence. For men will make sacrifices, and expose themselves PORTFOLIO. 67 id to the view the Rrtinent if their dry ept out of sonsidered word the ler cannot lowledge ; very thing lis pocket isequence iger than louse one from her a slice of Skinner fore your replied reakfast, le could wages." 'or Mrs. y in busi- nwearied f wealth t dutiful ring the d us in le would md hon- human jmselves to inconvenience and dangers to acquire money which they would refuse to do in order to supply the wants of a poor and afflicted family. A man who is under a griping influence will sometimes exhibit an apparent decency and respectability of conduct to gen- eral society ; he will seldom be distinguished for gluttony, drunk- enness or debauchery, for such indulgences run counter to his love of gain and his hoarding propensities ; he will even attend with punctuality on the public ordinances of religion, and for the sake of character will give his penny collections for the poor. Among his neighbours he may enjoy the reputation of being a sober, industrious, frugal character, and be set in contrast with the profligate and the profane, but all the while his heart is set upon his covetousness. To acquire money by every means that will not subject him to the criminal laws, is the great and ultimate object of his pursuits. His whole affections are absorbed in the accumulation of wealth, and whatever semblance he may assume, he worships and serves the creature more than the creator. He is hard and griping in every bargain he makes ; he grinds the faces of the poor, and refuses to relieve the wants of the needy ; he envies the man who is richer or more prosperous than himself ; he thinks he has a right to be rich, and he murmurs against the dis- pensations of Providence when his schemes are frustrated ; he is dissatisfied with what he has acquired ; he denies himself those sensitive comforts which Providence has put within his reach, and almost starves himself in the midst of riches and plenty ; he stints the comforts of his family and dependents, imparting to them the necessaries of life in shreds and crumbs, and stooping to the meanest and most debasing expedients in order to save a shilling ; he is determined to hold fast his treasure to the last moment, in spite of every remonstrance, until at length his soul takes its downward flight to that world for which it was prepared. If a man had been intended to live the life of a miser, he would rather have been formed into the shape of an ant to dig 68 msD rssncoN'B ; V li' ataong mud and sand and putrefaction, to burlrOw in ereviees of the earth and to heap up seeds and grains, against the storms of winter, in which state he would live according to the order of na- ture, and be incapable of degrading his mental and moral powers. There cannot be a more absurd and preposterous exhibition than that of a man furnished with powers capable of holding a sub- lime intercourse with his Almighty Maker, and of perpetual pro- gression in knowledge and felicity tlroughout an interminable round of existence, yet prostrating these noble powers by con- centrating them on one sole object of amassing a number of bank notes which are never intended to be applied to any rational or benevolent purpose, as if a man were raised no higher in the scale of intellect than the worms of the dust. In many cases you might as well expect to cut through the Alpine rocks with a stroke of a razor, as cut a passage through the adamantine hearts of the covetous by any arguments or denunciations which the rea- son of man or the word of God suggest. Were it not for avarice, we should have our towns and cities divested of every nuisance, our streets broad and spacious, the light of heaven, and the re- freshing breeze visiting every dwelling, our highways clean and smooth, and adorned with refreshing bowers, asylums for the in- dustrious poor, seminaries for the instruction of all ranks and ages in useful knowl<^dge, and innumerable other improvements for promoting the happiness of the social state." . BAILIFFS. " I wonder very much," said Mrs. Jenkins, " that the Foxes were invited. I always considered them a purse-proud, ' vulgar, forward family. Do you know anything of them ?" " They are a set of upstarts," said Jenkins; " Old Fox was nothing but a landlord's bailiff in Ireland." "What is a bailiff?" inquired Mrs. Jenkins. "A bailiff in Scotland," replied Jenkins, "is a magistrAte : thus, you have heard of Balie Nichol Jarvie in the play in It mean king' liffs. gers and writs, "I is cor for qi about are ej are pi loss, their small ture, J Uffs ai by ten theref( believ( bailiffs and en andpu pers, I Irelant recklei of syn is seen and it presen But bo PORTFOLIO. 69 'evices of itorms of er of na- il powers. Aon than ig a sub- tual pro- jrminable 1 by con- r of bank itional or the scale jases you e:s with a ine hearts h the rea- r avarice, nuisance, the re- flean and the in- ,nks and iveinents le Foxes , ■ vulgar, ihey are ^g but a inquired Is, " is a 4e in the play of Rob Roy, which means that he was a magistrate ; so, also, in Italy, a bailiff means a magistrate. In Hebrew and Syriac, i* means a lord or chief. In England, sheriffs have been styled king's bailiffs ; so far, you will say, all those are first class bai- liffs. In England and Ireland, men appointed to act as messen- gers to sheriffs, and serve summonses and other papers on jurors and others, and execute ejectment, seizure, arrest, and other writs, are called sheriffs' bailiffs. " In Ireland there are bailiffs called process-servers, whose duty is confined to the service of processes or summonses on debtors for quarter sessions ; they receive from government a salary of about .£20, and a fee of 6d. for each summons they receive. They are exceedingly unpopular especially with honest debtors, who are pressed by rapacious creditors and subjected to costs, seizures, loss, anxiety, and sometimes arrest and gaol. Landlords and their agents employ men for collecting rents, in Ireland, from small tenants, and empower them to seize crop, stock and furni- ture, and drive cattle to the pound for rent ; they are called bai- liffs and sometimes drivers, and have generally been looked upon by tenants as insidious, double dealing and dangerous, and are therefore, unwelcome visitors, be their business what it may. I believe old Fox was one of this class of bailiffs. There are also bailiffs appointed by magistrates in freland for serving summonses and executing decrees for petty and quarter sessions ; they arrest and put people in gaol for debt, and are sometimes called grip- pers, shoulder-slappers, watching-toms, &c. In most parts of Ireland, those who take the oflBce, must be uncouth, low bullies, reckless of life and limb. The people have such a strong feeling of sympathy for each other in distress, that when a process-server is seen coming into a townland, he is telegraphed from hill to hill ; and it is not much wonder they don't like to see a man whose presence terrorizes them with impending calamity and gaol; But bold and daring as bailiffs are, they have been on many oci 6 70 NED FENTON'S casions severely treated in defiance of law. In some places ,when the process-server came in, strangers were in the house, and took from him the process he intended to servo, dipped it in water, then spread it on a thin slice of bread, and buttered it all over and made him eat it. One was seen cori.ing to a house to serve a process ; the doors of country houses are plain, each having a small round hole high breast for the finger to enter from the outside to lift a wooden latch and eff'ect an entrance without kno(-king ; the bailifi" knocked and tried the latch, but there was no admittance. ' Holloa in there ! ' said he, 'if yez don't open the door, al brak it in ! ' In reply, a person imitating a child's voice, said, ' Me can't ope e door, put in e fingee an lift e latch ! ' Whereupon the bailiff thrust in his finger, which was immediately snigged off with something like a carving knife, and on his roaring out 'Murther!' the voice from within said 'Put in e oddy one.' Where a personal service was required, or an arrest to be made, strangers were generally placed in the house, who played some outlandish tricks on the bailiff, such as blindfolding, confinement, ducking, or making him march in grotesque form for the amuse- ment of the neighbours. People, however, have become wiser, and there is not so much rcsistence to law as formerly." GUAGEIiS AND POTEEN. " Do you know the Lightfoots ? " said Mrs. Jenkins. "■ Ycs,"| said Jenkins," they are a respectable family. Mr. Liglitfoot was] a guager in Ireland and Scotland for many years, a post whicli he could not have held were he not a gentleman." " What ar guagers?" inquired Mrs. Jenkins. "They are," replied Jen. kins, "excise officers appointed by government to make periodi ical returns of all liquors and other articles subject to duty mad and sold in their respective districts, and formerly it was their dut; to prevent people from making or sailing strong liquors without license. Some of the peasantry in Ireland have been in the habil of pla ofl and pici whe toot disti six I Man by fa cursii rougl Once frolic; they erable bog-h( about hence Althoi by the and wi ter. or caugh< in-trac conseq such e: gitimal was foi whole t inform( discontj POETFOLIO. n (laces ,-when 10, and took t in water, it all over 5c to serve a iving a small he outside to locking; the ) admittance, door, albrak 3e, said, 'Mc Whereupon y snigged oflf ^a roaring out e oddy one.' ,t to be made, ) played some T confinement, I "or the amuse- come wiser, and luus. '^ Yes, liightfoot was] a post whicli ' " Wbat ar ' vcpUed Jen- o make periodj ci to duty madi it was their dut.j iquors without )een in the habi] of making whisky called poteen, in aiaerable huts in hidden places, and so constructed and guarded as to elude the vigilance of the guagcrs. They did the principal part of their work at night, and always kept a look out, who, when he saw a guager or a sus- picious-looking stranger, gave the a'.arm by shouting " Mad dog," whereupon they hid their stock and apparatus, if possible, and took to their heels ; and no wonder, as every person found in the distilling house was liable to be arrested and confined in gaol for six months, and all their grain and liquor seized and destroyed. Many a time they have been put to great loss and consternation by false alarms. Sometimes gentlemen on fowling or hunting ex- cursions have been taken for guagers and put in dread and fear of rough treatment until they proved that they were not guagers. Once they caught a real guager, and after all sorts of rude and frolicsome gestures and merriment without inflicting any injury, they blindfolded and carried him by the legs and arms a consid- erable distance, singing a merry tune all the way, to a shallow bog-hole where they pitched him in and kept him floundering about until they hid all their distilling material and apparatus, — hence the well known tune, ' Paddy was up to the guager.' Although they often escaped and made great profits of their grain, by the high price of the liquor, it was at great risk and hardship, and was at best a reckless, ruinous traffic, they were in continual termor while robbing the government of the revenue, and when caught they were fined, imprisoned, their implements and stock- in-trade destroyed, and their families suffered great privation in consequence, and they often drank of the liquor they made to such excess that they were easily caught, and neglected their le- I gitimate business. Where any part of their distilling apparatus was found by the guager and soldiers when 'still hunting,' the whole townland was heavily fined, and half the fine given to the informer, and the other half to the guager ; this, however, was discontinued, as dishonest guagers and informers were in the habit 72 NED PBNTON'S ^ 'fi. ? i.' of getting distilling apparatus conveyed to places underc over of night and getting the fines. The police are now the only body authorised to prevent illicit distillation, which I am glad to learn is becoming a hopeless enterprise." LAWYERS. " I was not aware that young Winder had been admitted to the bar," continued Mr. Jenkins. "He has been practising a.bove six months," replied Mrs. Jen- kins ; " he has a very influential connection of friends, and is very likely to take a prominent place in his profession ; he is very clever, tolerably handsome, good tempered, and thinks a good deal of Mary. Don't you think he would be an advantageous match for her?" "Although the law profession is almost the only one that leads to posts of honor and distinction," replied Jenkins, " and although I there are excellent men in it, I am no great admirer of it. If a young man entering on the profession is clever, there are great! temptations strewn in his path to induce him to step aside, orj beyond the bounds of purely honest principles, and whiq^ will, if I indulged in, most assuredly prevent his safe passage through thel valley of the shadow of death. I have known lawyers to becomel rich by taking advantage of the straits and embarrassments ofl their clients — one especially, with whom I was particularly acJ quainted, who held a high position in his church, and who] although he had medical advice that his disease was hurrying hii to the tomb, pushed his client debtors with a grinding exactioij up to a very short time before his death, first by lending thei money to relieve them of their creditors' suits, which he defended and for which he charged exorbitant sums as interest, or by waj of bonus, taking their notes therefor, on which he sued on tli very day they fell due, took confessions of judgement, and adde costs and interest on principal interest and costs, half-yearly, uJ PORTFOLIO. 78 ere over of only body ad to learn mitted to the ,ed Mrs. Jen- Is, and is very ; he is very hinks a good advantageous one that leads "and although jr of it. If a I liere are great I > step aside, or I d yfhicja. will, ifl ige through the! ryers to hecomej barrassments otj particularly ac| drch, and whoj as hurrying hiu •inding exactioJ ly lending then .ich he defended erest, or by vraj he sued on tl iment, and addd half-yearly, uJ til in a short time the original debts became nearly doubled, and then, in some instances, took mortgages on the client's property, which when due were foreclosed, and all this while the poor client was using every effort to discharge the debt by occasional small payments. " From the day on which a young man enters the profession in a popular law office, where there is good practice, he daily witnesses scenes of distress and anguish, in the signing of cognovits, notes, mortgages, kc, and listens to heartrending tales of woe ; rapa- cious and unfeeling money-lenders and revengeful people sue poverty-stricken people and others in straits who, dreading enorm- ous costs, would pay at once if they could ; they come with bitter tales of lamentation and recrimination, begging for time, or to stay proceedings, or for some sort of compromise, either of which, if acceded to, would curtail the lawyer's bill of costs ; the poor people are, therefore, in most cases unsuccessful, — a fieri facias is issued, sheriff's bailiffs go to the house, (the farther off the worse, as mileage is charged for every service, and lastly the execution) ; the poor mother and children are put in dread and consternation at seeing their furniture and stock removed, which, after years of toil to acquire, and many sleepless nights planning to avert the execution, are sold for very little, to satisfy compara- tively small debts, which might have been taken in small instal- ments at long periods, and enormous costs of lawyers, courts, sheriffs, bailiffs, &c., which might by prudence and patience have been avoided, and a helpless family saved from poverty. Though I speak in this way, I am well aware that the law is an honorable profession, and indispensable for the protection of person and property; — that there are honest creditors and incorrigible debtors, and that lawyers, bailiffs, &c., are necessary evils. If a lawyer is a true Christian, he is not likely to grow rich, as he will ^o what he can to alleviate the sufferings of those who plead with him for relief, and he will not be identified with any case that is not per- 74 ned~fenton's I fectly honest in all its bearings ; and he will have few honest cases — the spirit of Christianity (' Love your enemies,' 'Do unto others as you would they should do unto you,' &c.) is diametri- cally opposed to going to law. How could he feel at ease if he thought his gains were wrung from the most straitened and poor- est classes of the community ? It is said ' Too much study is a weariness of the flesh.' The study of the law is an illustration of this maxim ; let any one who questions it go round the courts of assize in Great Britain or Ireland, let him look at the thin, meagre, and in many instances haggard appearance of the learned counsellors there — and it is no wonder they are so ; their whole lifetime, night and day, is one continued scene of study, in getting particularly acquainted with the most intricate aud conflicting claims to large estates, criminal matters, &c., searching acts of parliament, precedents, text books, &c., and arguing on the most abstruse and difficult points against foresnic eloquence. It is true there are exceptions. I have seen hurley and corpulent lawyers, and it is said of a Canadian celebrity that he ' possesses a portly and commanding figure ' ; let such be critically reviewed, and it will be found that the majority of them are mere copyists, and possess more sound and surface than originality of thought or genuine ability. Now, just allow me to give you an outline of the business of the law student who is faithful to his office, and who intends to make a living by his profesion : he must be possessed of an excellent memory, a taste for perfect order, and a good knowledge of book-keeping, mathematics, classics and general science, as he will be professionally brought in contact with all sorts of professions, trades, and callings. There may be changes of partnex'ship where he is articled, which will cause new sets of I books, and cross entries respecting suits and debts, and to which daily reference must be had; he will have charge of ledgers,! journals, cash books and blotters, — receipt, memorandum, instruc- tion, letter, and petty cash books; Chancery, Queen's bench> PORTFOLIO. 76 few honest i^' 'Do unto ia diametri- t ease if he ed and poor- h study is a 1 illustration d the courts at the thin, )f the learned their whole idy, in getting ad conflicting •ching acts of g on the most uence. It is and corpulent he 'possesses jally reviewed, mere copyists, J of thought or 1 outline of the )fficc, and who t be possessed er, and a good -s and general ontact with all lay be changes! use new sets ofl and to which I rge of ledgers,! andum, instruc- Queen's bench>l county court and agency dockets, or books ; he will have daily reference to an accumulation of deeds and papers of clients, and proceedings papers of the various courts, orderly and alphabeti- cally arranged, and the copying, endorsing and posting of innu- merable letters; preparing summonses, declarations, bills, answers, replications, rejoinders, sur-rejoinders, demurrers, briefs, judgment rolls, notices of motion, rules nisi and absolute, and various writs, &c., attending courts, sheriff, law, and other office"? ; to take out writs and other papers ; to swear, serve, and file papers ; and to search records in registry and other offices as to property titles ; receiving and paying money of clients ; taking instructions to sue and make conveyance of property, &c. ; winding up partnership and other estates, sifting for information, watching the business proceedings of doubtful debtors ; examining witnesses ; guarding against informalities and exceptions, and taking advantage of them to throw opponents over for a term to gain time for clients* drafting and engrossing all sorts of conveyancing and judgment papers, enterin;::; jiiilgmcnts, making up bills of costs ; dunning and suing for costs ; keeping his eyes wide open and his brain clear to detect errors, and peruse papers sent by opponents as to property titles, memorandum of agreement ; advising clients at a distance as to solvency of debtors ; arguing with impatient and vulgar opponents ; keeping good temper ; recollecting everything and finding every requisite paper at once ; studying acts of parlia- ment, text books, precedents, and all sorts of law books, and attending law lectures, as well as the little amenities of life ; and when the time of articles is expired, he must pass a critical exami- nation before the benchers, pay large law fees, and about two thousand dollars for a law library, and then the young lawyer is only entered upon his life of laborious study. Surely, one would think that for his time, study and expense the government ought to allow a remunerative tariff of costs. Then with all his know ledge, if he is clever, and not scrupulously honest, he will : i 76 KED FENTON'S doubtless grow rich, and woe to the litigious clients who get into his meshes. 'When tbeir cause is first beginning, They are only thinking of winning ; Attornies slyly grinning, Just when their cash they draw. And when their cause is ending, Their case is no ways mending, Expenses always attending, Win or lose a suit at law." MINISTERS OF THE GOSPEL. "Under all circumstances, I would rather have a minister of the gospel for Mary than a lawyer." "Well, indeed, Isaac," replied Mrs. Jenkins, "Mary shan't have a minister with my consent ; so you may make your mind easy on that point. Minister indeed ! are you not aware that very few of them are in positions to sup- port wives, and most of those who have large families have a gloomy prospect for them, especially if they are daughters ; there's no class of men so badly paid and it is a burning shame in a Christian community. Our Lord said : ' The laborer is worthy of his hire.' A minister ought to be placed in a position to com- mand the respect due to his dignity, and far beyond the carking cares and poverty of this world, so that his time, energy and tal- ents might be fully given to his sacred calling. We shall never be right until we have a respectable well, furnished manse or parson- age adjoining each church in the country, and liberal salaries given to our ministers ; and to provide for them and their helpless families, when they retire from the ministry, an insurance should be effected on each married minister's life for at least X500, or on some sliding scale according to circumstances, and on the death of a minister the insurance money should be put into the worn out ministers'^ fund, and profitably invested for their benefit. This would keep up a respectable fund, and might be effected with very little more than the present contributions. The debt on churches is a terrible draw-back to the support of active and superannuate( PORTFOLIO. 77 t8 who get linister of the saac," replied y consent ; so lister indeed! itions to sup- families have ,re daughters ; burning shame borer is worthy isition to com- ,d the carking energy and tal- j shall never be anse or parson- liberal salaries' id their helpless I nsurance should jast X500, or on I d on the deathl nto the worn out! r benefit. This| effected with verj debt on churchesj id superannuate(3 ministers and their families, and in some places to the progress of the church in general. As the great burthen falls on the most faithful of the church members, many will be deterred from be- coming members, and some driven to backslide in view of con- stant and heavy demands made on their hard-carnc ' money which their families are obliged to economise with much care to make ends meet, while most of the pew-holdcrs get off with paying pew rent only, which rent in many places is absorbed iii paying debts on church edifices. What a pity that in such places as Quebec, over X60 a-year must be paid for rent for a minister's house ! Why does not some noble-minded lover of the church, with the example of the centurion before him, of whom it was said: 'Ho loveth our nation and built us a synagogue,' advance the price of a house for the minister, and take it back in small instalments, without interest ? and we would soon have a free parsonage, and £Q0 a-year for all time to come which might be added to that of our poor superannuated ministers' fund. Should not this subject be agitated everyAvhere where rent is paid for parsonages ? It is a great pity to see excellent young ministers who would make the best of husbands, afraid to risk the responsibilities of families, because of the pittance of salaries doled out to them ; it is like muzzling tlio ox that treadeth out the corn. The apostle says; 'They that preach the gospel should live by tho gospel,' but we don't let them live, we only give them as much as keeps them study- ing half their time how they can squeeze and screw out a scanty subsistence, and keep the fair side to London. It is said 'the liberal soul deviseth liber il things,' but illiberal souls devise a tough, up-hill, scrambling way of living for their ministers. From a well written article in the Wesleyan Methodist Magazine for Can- ada on this subject, I make the following extracts : — * A minister should be placed above want ; his support should enable him to be honest, hospitable, charitable — to educate his children, and to make some provision for old age, so that when voice, and energy, and 78 NED PENTON'S « i I strength fail him, ho may not go forth penniless, dependent on the cold charities of even good men. Two pious young men were clerks in the same stcro. One, by far the most gifted, entered the .. inistry ; the other kept on measuring tape and calico. The min- ister ia useful, beloved, but a poor and obscure man ; the other is a good man, arid useful in his Avay, and a millionaire. A young min- ister, at the age of seventeen, gave up a salary of five hundred dollars a year to study for the ministry, lie went through a reg- ular academic and theological course, and was then settled on four hundred dollars a-year. And his miserly congregation, that could better afford to double that sum than to starve him, think that they gave him too much ! Of what use can a minister of the gos- pel be to such people 'i Their souls arc not large enough to receive the truth. A Jesuit priest would do them as well. In looking over the church, we note men of the finest character, education and talents, serving large and wealthy congregations, and with salaries miserably inadequate to their support. As judges, law- yers, merchants, they might rise to eminence, but as ministers they arc subjected to obscurity and poverty. The faith and de- votedness of a minister do not pay his bills, nor clothe his family, nor feed his children, and yet in the proportion of the penurious- ness of a people, do they wish their ministers to live by faith. If God would send ravens to feed him, they would like it all the better, for two reasons : they would be fully satisfied that he would be quite a saving to them.' To a minister who has a large family and a small salary, it must be a solemn thought to be called to his reward suddenly, leaving them unprovided for. I wish our congregations would take the whole matter up at once. Only let tliem carry out my views in a prompt and energetic spirit, and we, ladies, especially those of us who have daughters, will form Ladies' Aid Societies, and canvassing agencies over the length and breadth of the land, and guarantee to build, repair and furnish all our churches and parsonages, and pay the sextons." (( PORTFOLIO. 79 tit on the len were tcred the The min- other is a )ung min- liundred gh a reg- i)d on four that could hink that ' the gos- to receive n looking education , and with dges, law- ministers h and de- • lis family, penurious- faith. If it all the d that he las a large ight to be ed for. I at once. I energetic daughters, ies over the repair and extons." "Well, I declare you area groat woman," replied Mr. Jenkins, " and it i;* not my intention to arguo the point with you, seeing you are not far astray ; however, as it regards paraonagci, your plan is being carried out in all places Avhore circumstances will permit; the remainder of your plans will require time and patience to developo, and when good times return and church debts are paid off, I have no doubt, we will have well furnished parsonages, and our married ministers will bo placed in a better position with respect to salary. We have lost little or nothing yet, however, by the poverty of our ministers, and if wo had no daughters to give them in marriage, perhaps we would not be such friendly ad- vocates for them. You know the church in all ages grew lao- dicean and retrograded just in proportion as its ministers grew rich. Our Lord, who owns the- cattle on a thousand hills, and all the universe, was so poor at one time (as said by a certain preacher at Brantford) ' that he had not as much as a York six- pence in his pocket to pay his taxes, until he sent Peter to get it out of a fish's mouth.' By the way, I have often thought of Peter going to catch that fish, getting the rod and line ready, looking for the Avorm, placing it on the hook, casting in the line, and what his thoughts were while he may have tried several places, and watched the cork patiently for a long time without getting a bite, and when he got the first nibble how his heart fluttered as the cork bobbed, sailed, stood on end, and was pulled down, and then how he did pull while the top of the rod bent, the line tight- ened, and up came the fish dangling on the hook, and was slung out, and how he did run and catch it while it wriggled on the bank, took out the hook, and with his penknife opened its belly, and found therein the 'piece of money,' equal in value to one dollar, which he carefully put in his pocket and hurried home to pay the taxman for JesuiS and himself. Not that he was afraid of a seizure, as neither of them had much real or personal property beyond Peter's fishing tackle. I fancy that while sitting on the 80 NED FENTON S bank of Genazareth, watching the cork, he mused on the wonder- ful scenes he had witnessed on that lake and its banks, while in company with his Lord and Master, viz. : the miraculoub draft of fishes, the stilling of the tempest, walking on the water to meet his Lord, the transfiguration, raising the dead to life, and among the numerous diseases which were healed, that of his wife's mother, of a fever. Having been an • eye witness to these miracles, his patience would not get exhausted while he sat looking at the cork, and across the water, away up on the side of the green hill where the multitudes sat down in rows, and were fed on the loaves and fishes, aud perhaps he saw moored the little craft in which Jesus slept, and stilled the tempest, and the one he himself got out of to walk on the water ; and he may have seen in the distance the villages of Nain, where the widow's son died, and Bethany, where Lazarus died. Musing on these and other things in connection with his Lord, he was confident that the same Almighty Being who performed these miracles, who created and redeemed our world, would cause the fish with the money he required to come on his hook ; that it required the exercise of His omnipotent power to do so, as well as to create a universe. The circumstance teaches us that we are subject to and must pay the taxes of the country where we live ; that our Divine Redeemer who sent that fish on Peter's hook knows the secret of our hearts ; that ' a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice ; ' that he has all power in heaven and on earth ; that he is the same yesterday, to- day and forever, an4 that we ought to place the utmost confidence in Divine Providence whose sources are inexhaustible. We are also reminded that, after all the kind friendship he experienced from, and the stupendous miracles he saw performed by his Lord, Peter basely deserted him in his extremity, and cursed and swore that he did not know him ; that professors of religion are liable to be tempted to draw back even to perdition ; that a look from Jesus will soften the heart of the most obdurate backslider as it PORTFOLIO. le wonder- s, while in la draft of er to meet md among e' smother, iracles, his it the cork, I hill where loaves and rhich Jesus f got out of iistance the Lany, where connection ighty Being deemed our d to come on ent power to mce teaches the country that fish on ' a sparrow t he has all esterday, to- st confidence )le. We are ) experienced by his Lord, ed and swore ion are liable t a look from tckslider as it did Peter's ; that we still have the same tempting devil who sue. ceeded in the garden of Eden, who offered the kingdoms of this world to our Redeemer, and who tempted by coAvardice to forswear his allegiance the bold Peter who cut the ear off a man ; that the same Peter has left on record, for our guidance, these words : — ' Be sober, be vigilant, for your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, goeth about seeking whom he may devour, whom resist stead- fast in the faith.' And again[: ' Beware least ye also bemg led away by the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfast- ness.' But I am digressing. Our ministers are not as badly off as some ministers of other churches ; the following, copied in the Christian Guardian a short time since, headed ' The true Martyrs,' is in point. The congregational ministers of the east, in quite a number of localities, knew the meaning of small salaries and thread-bare coats. The Congregationalist takes the liberty of printing two or three extracts from private letters received. Here is a sample : 'A brother well known to us, of fine education, a thorough sermoniser, and every way an able and good man, not in home missionary employment, and not out of New England, writes end by no means in a complaining spirit, thus : — " I have gone into the pulpit most of the Avinter with patches upon my garments that few of my hearers would be willing to wear to church ; I seldom ride with my family, because I can- not afford to hire a horse, and I often walk to (the market town, five miles off) for the same reason. I have been to see my friends in the other end of the state but twice in the six years of my residence here, and my wife not at all. I have a sister within one hundred and twenty-five miles, who lost her husband within the year, and who has written to me, almost reproachfully, that she has not seen the face of brother or sister since. I am her only brother, and should appreciate the privilege of visiting and sympathizing with her as much as most brothers, to say the least, but pecuniary considerations have prevented." ' A brother whose BSRSMB 82 NBD FENTON S If I name stood high upon the roll in college and in the seminary, whose life has been spent in faithful pastoral service in Massa- chusetts, says : " I have in use a coat which is entering upon its third summer's service in the pulpit, and the cloth for which was given me by a relative in New Hampshire. My overcoat was made seven years since from an old cloak which I used to wear more than twenty years ago, and' but for garments given to me and my family by friends abroad — and those friends far from rich — we should absolutely not have been able to show ourselves in public."' "While I admit," continued Jenkins, "that the pathway of a minister is not strewn with roses, I am aware that there is no avocation in life without its cares, toils and disappointments, and that, although it is the exalted privilege of the members of a church to live in as high a state of grace as the minister, yet by their business connexions in the world they are subject to crosses and temptations, more or less, which the minister by his very pro- fe?sion is comparatively free from. What more honorable position can there be than that of a faithful minister of the gospel — the very profession, so to speak, of our Divine Redeemer? In trav- elling to and from his appointments, and on his pastoral visits, he admires the grandepr of nature in all its variegated beauty, in all seasons of the year — the towering forest, the lakes, rivers, mountain and valley scenery, the teeming harvests, orchards, gardens and pleasure grounds, flocks and herds, husbandry, com- merce and arts, &c. His health is invigorated by plenty of open air, and the best that hospitable tables can afford by people who venerate him ; he enjoys a pleasure in the embrace of his wife and little ones on returning from his appointments which is un- known to most people ; his mind is expanded by his knowledge of the manners, habits and customs of the people, and he is re- joiced at their advancement in morals and religion, through hig instrumentality, and in his anticipation and prospect of shining .-«*' PORTFOLIO. 83 seminary, in Massa- ig upon its which was ercoat was sed to wear iven to me Is far from w ourselves ithway of a there is no tments, and ■inbers of a iter, yet by ct to crosses lis very pro- ible position gospel — the ■? In trav- jtoral visits, d beauty, in likes, rivers, ;s, orchards, )andry, com- enty of open people who of his wife which is un- s knowledge nd he is re- through his t of shining as the stars in the firmament for ever and ever. For the sake of the everlasting welfare of Mary, I confess I would like to see her married to a handsome young minister, with a ' portly and com- manding figure,' and withal pious, clever, and a good orator, with a pleasing accent ; in such a case I would gladly make a little sacrifice for her benefit and the education of her children." "My dear Isaac," said Mrs. Jenkins, "Avith all your fine argu- ments, you have failed to convince me that a minister would be the best husband for Mary. Let us take a cursory glance at his position and labors. Passing over the preparations and critical ordeal he is obliged to undergo before he is admitted into full connexion with the ministry, you are aAvare of the rigid scrutiny and observation on his conduct in public and private ever after- wards — his long and fatiguing journeys in cold and piercing winds, his feet and hands benumbed with cold, the rain and sleet beating in his face while driving a horse and buggy in pitch dark nights, through mud and sloughs, round stumps, over corduroy bridges, up and down steep and winding hills, and on ilu; edge of precipi- pices, in danger of being upset into ravines and .^wMnped in gulfs, or deep, miry slunks, and sometimes falling sick oi. the way, his Hurn-out' upset, and he floundering in sonio mud I. o^e fur from help ; while thunders roar and lightnings flash, Uis wife and chil- dren lie awake, and fret, and pray for his sa^'Hv, and intinrd of rest at the termination of his journey, he mu.a preaiui, ..nd pray, and speak, before expecting congregations, and after Mttending to various business in connection with church matters at Oiich of his appointments, he hurries home, not his 'wearied lunbs to rest,' but to preach to his congregation or attend sou'-e public meeting, and the same night he may be obliged to attend 'Beside the bed where partiii;^ lifo is laiu, And sorrow and guilt and pain liy turns dismayed.' Then think of his officiating at baptisms, marriages, sick beds, funerals, and at numerous religious meetings, and, irrespective of i 84 NED FBNTON'S IT I T 1 his frame of mind, he must put on a cheerful countenance, and attend and speak at missionary, Bible, tract, Sunday-school, con- ference and district meetings — and numerous special, benevolent, temperance, politico-religious, and other public meetings ; and preside at various committees, at many of which he must bear with patience the uneven and hasty tempers of sensitive, dogmati- cal, eccentric and intractable brethren. He must study three or four sermons a week at least, sometimes at a great disadvantage, especially if he has a large family, a stupid servant girl, his wife delicate, the children young, and three or four of them sick, and calling by turns for their pa ; irrespective of all these and other drawbacks, he must be prompt in his attendance at all public and private meetings, particularly in the pulpit, where his absence would be the cause of serious disappointment, and preach in many instances to criticising instead of sympathising congregations, while he occasionally labors under the pressure of a severe head- ache, a cold, an unaccountable depression of spirits, or a pain- ful feeling of sympathy for some loved member of his family laid on a bed of affliction — but preach he must ! How providential that so few get overcome, and sit down in the middle of the" ser- naon; and the error which would not affect a church member would be ruin to him and his family. He is not excluded from the possibility of drawing 'back to perdition.' He must keep vari- ous financial and other records, write numerous letters, and is called upon to act as canvassing agent and collector for books and periodicals, and to make occasional begging tours for church and parsonage building and repairing. This has become so frequent of late, that when a minister is seen in a town or church out of his district, the people guess he is on a collecting expedition, and the poor man is often treated with as much coldness as if he were collecting for himself ; and being well aAvare that the church is dependent on the voluntary contributions of its members, he must use such eloquence in pressing for large subscriptions for its nu- iTPOLIO. 85 mce, and hool, con- jnevolent, ings; and must bear !, dogmati- ly three or advantage, irl, his -wife n sick, and e and other L public and his absence ach in many ngregations, severe head- er a pain- s family laid providential of the" ser- irch member ided from the ist keep vari- tters, and is lor for books . jrs for church e so frequent [hurch out of ledition, and as if he were ;he church is ibers, he must ,ns for its nu- merous funds as will induce the people to give twice as much as they intended to give, and as though he were specially benefitted by such contribution. Every social church gathering is a blank without him — he must be like Goldsmith's brother, 'Who tried each art, reproved each dull delay, Allured to brighter worlds, and led the -vay.' He must study human nature in all its phases, and be ready, 'in season and out of season, ' to defend his position and doctrine, and meet the case of every inquirer in all sorts of positions, on the broad and narrow ways which terminate human existence, and simplify the plan of salvation to the ignorant and unlearned. He must exhort, reprove and rebuke with all long-suffering people of all conditions, ages, and both sexes, in private and public ; and with a view of living on the best of terms with all the members of his congregation, he must visit and accept the invitations of the poor families as well as the rich, and pay no attention whatever to unkind criticisms and slanders against himseli, and very little to the confidential complaints of croaking, grumbling church-goers against their brethren, beyond meeting them with the apostle's admonition : ' If it be possible, as much as lictL in you, live peace- ably with all men.' He is at great expense by the visits of ministers and oliiers from a distance, who mnde his acquaintance 3olely in corsequcnce of his position as a minister, and the house- hold affairs of his family are often interrupted by persons on busi- ness, who will not retire when their business is done until they I get a broad hint to do so, and by thoughtless female visitors, who come at unseasonable hours. His family are also subjected to [much trouble and expense by wear and tear of library, clothing, land other household effects, and the loss of valuable friends by )eriodical removals from place to place during his ministry, is, consequence of which his children never can revert with pleasure to the home of their youth, and for weeks after his arrival at his lew field of usefrlncss he labors under many disadvantages iu house- 86 NED PBNTON'S fitting, marketing, lack of tried friends, &c. ; and every member of his family, and especially his wife, are subjected to the criti- cisms of the females and other members of most of the families of the congregation ; and he is obliged to give a solemn account of his labors and the religious state of his congregations once a year to his conference or synod ; add to all these, and many other labors and anxious cares that come upon him daily, and the sym- pathies he is expected to share with the afflicted, distressed and bereaved of his congregations, and the numerous charitable calls on his overtaxed light purse, by professionally coming in contact with poverty in its most distressing forms — his perplexing cares and solicitude for the clothing'*, appearance, education, conduct and prospects of every member of his family, and his circumscribed means for placing them in respectable positions in life (as low positions for sons or daughters of ministers is discreditable to all parties concerned) ; and what must his feelings be if any member of his family acts so imprudently as to become the subject of com- plaint by members of his congregation ? And here I may remark that ministers' children are as vivacious and as fond of youthful pleasures as other people's children, and it is a great pity that the recreations of their schoolmjites and others are so often alloyed with sinful pleasures as to debar them from joining in them, and that parents of the congregations allow those sinful amusements, and criticise and find fault, instead of sympathising with the lonely children oi tlie minister. His whole life is one continued scene of anxious, thoughtful care and study, accompanied with a gloomy prospect of a superannuation allowance scarcely sufficient to procure the necessaries of life, reminding him of the beautiful iiymn in which these lines occur : 'My body with my charge lay dovrn, And cease at oUce to work and live." Under all the circumstances, unfeeling, selfish and cold, with hearts frozen to thirty degrees below zero, must the narrow-minded, PORTFOLIO. 87 member ihe criti- imilies of 3C0unt of ce a year any other L the sym- essed and table calls in contact xing cares a, conduct cumscribed fe (as low itable to all ,ny member ject of com- aay remark of youthful )ity that the ften alloyed n them, and amusements, aft with the le continued lanied with a ely sufficient the beautiful id cold, with irro\v-iuinded, ungenerous Christian be who would not sympathise with, and act generously toward the faithful minister of the gospel." " Woll, my dear," said Jenkins to his wife, "I believe it will be better for you and I to be very careful how we interfere with Mary in her choice of a husband ; we both have confidence in her wisdom and intelligence, therefore, I say let her please herself." "And so say I," replied Mrs. Jenkins, " and this reminds me of an anecdote of Mr. Pitt, the premier, which I was reading to-day Here it is : " Sir Walter Farquhar, the eminent physician, calling one day on Mr. Pitt, the premier, observed him to be unusually ruffled. ' What is the matter V ' exclaimed the patient. ' Why, to tell you the truth,' replied Sir Walter, ' I am extremely angry with my daughter. She has permitted herself to form an attachment for a young gentleman by no means qualified, in point of rank or fortune, to be my son-in-law.' ' Now, let me say one word in the lady's behalf,' returned the minister ; ' is the young man you mention of a respectable family?' 'He is.' 'Is he respect- able in himself? ' ' He is.' ' Has he the manners and educa- tion of a gentleman ?' ' He has.' 'Has he an estimable char- acter?' 'He has.' 'Why, then, my dear Sir Walter, hesi- tate no longer. You and I are very well acquainted with the de- lusions of life. Let your daughter follow her own inclinations, since they appear to be virtuous. You have had more opportuni- ties than I have of knowing the value of affection, and ought to respect it. Let the union take place, and I will not be unmindful that I had the honor of recommending it.' The physician fol. lowed the direction of his patient ; the lovers were united, and the patronage of the minister testified his satisfaction." LADY MEMBERS OF TEMPERANCE SOCIETIES. "What do you think of Miss Silverthorn?" said Mrs. Jenkins; 'isn't she a good-natured, soft, innocent big girl? I wonder .^^- m 88 NED FENTON'S very much that she, being a member of the temperance division, would go to Jolly's party ; but I suppose it is because her father does business Avith Mr. Jolly, and the families have always been on friendly terms." "I admire the girl very much," said Mr. Jenkins, "for her excellent qualities, but not for being a member of the temperance division ; all I can say is, she must have very little to do at home when she goes there. It is universally admit- ted that the influence of women for good in the domestic circle, in religious and benevolent societies, is incalculable ; some have carried forward with exemplary patience and perseverance benevo- lent objects, without sacrificing their home duties ; their character has been proved to be a combination of public and private virtue, of domestic charity, and zeal for the temporal and eternal happi- ness of the human race ; the expediency, however, of initiating them into temperance societies has never yet been fully proved. Their utility there is at least questionable ; when we consider the little jealousies, likes and dislikes, and social character of the gentler sex of diversified ranks, ages, tempers and tastes, who meet in a temperance division room, where they sit as idle spec- tators, listening to debates on various matters requiring a large amount of patience aud forbearance, while they might be usefully employed, it requires no great stretch of philosophical logic to prove that such a place is not their proper sphere for usefulness ; the good they may do (if any) must be evanescent at best, and die with the novelty of the thing. The firmest social society in the world have to the present excluded the ladies ; one only, it is said, was initiated into the mystic tie under painful circumstances, caused by what is vulgarly styled 'itching ears.' We read of honorable women who did good service in the community, but when they began to take part with the business of the gentlemen, the great apostle said, ' If they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home.' The presence of women in temperance diviBions will never turn the strong current of public opinion in PORTFOLIO. Lvision, father ^s been lid Mr. member Lve very Y admit- c circle, me bave 5 benevo- •baracter te virtue, lal bappi- initiating ly proved. nsider tbe, ter of the istes, v?bo idle spec- g a large )e usefully a,\ logic to isefulness ; best, and society in only, it Is iumstances, Ve read of avunity, but gentlemen, et tbem ask temperance opinion in favor of tectotalism. The heroines of Jericho ; women's rights conventions ; daughters of temperance ; and every organization of the kind failed. With all due deference to the ladies, I am of opinion that they would not be guilty of any dereliction of duty, or of any serious damage to the cause of total abstinence from strong liquors, if they totally deserted division rooms." THEATRICALS. " Is it true," said Mrs. Jenkins, " that the Pipers frequent theatres, and that some of them act occasionally as amateurs? " " It is even so," replied Jenkins, " and I fear for the consequences. I am aware there are strong arguments in favor of the stage, but as it will not bear the test from a religious point of view, and as religion is the only thing that can give true happiness in this world, and fit us for everlasting joy, I have abandoned the the- atre, not only for conscience, but for example's sake. Who would not shudder at the thought of being summoned from the stage to an eternal stage of existence ? " • " But wherein do the evils of theatricals consist? " said Mrs. Jenkins. " In loss of time," replied Jenkins, " which should be profit- ably employed for the benefit of our religious, philanthropic, and literary institutions, our families, poor relatives and neighbors ; in contributing to the support of actors and actresses who should be profitably employed in productive and useful avocations in life ; in wasteful expense by dress, and various other thing?, for the sake of show and emulating richer neighbors, by which many pinch themselves of the comforts of life, and find it hard to pay their debts ; it leads to various temptations while the feelings are in a state of pleasurable excitement by music, and passion-excit- ing performances, and in listening to the ribald jests and blas- phemous language of actors in attractive and voluptuous dresses 9a NED FENTON S I, II personating the sinful acts of wicked men and women in ihcir in- trigues, deceit, jealousies, rovenge and murder. " Of all the tempting and fascinating alurements incid cnt to our youth of both sexes, none is more dangerous than the theatre, often resulting, by the friendships formed there, in estrai,;^emcntof the mind from business and literary pursuits, family attachments, and in unhappy marriages, or Avorse. IIow many young people of both sexes, and bright prospects, have been lured from com- foi table homes to the stage, in consequence of the example set by their parents in taking, or allowing them to be taken to the the- atre ? Children being more susceptible of evil— ^especially that which is pleasing to the senses — than good, are made precocious, and their intellects too early developed to their future injury, by being brought in contact with vain and frivolous amusements. ' Tho mind impressible and soft, with case Imbibes and copies wbat she hears and sees.' " The youngsters are delighted with the music, the scenery, and the tinstllcd driis;-. cs ; they are amazed at the tragedy, mirthful at tho farce, pleased with tho applause, and anxiously look out for the bill and programme for the next night's performance, and keep rhyming in the ears of their parents and servants : ' A horse ! a horse ! my kingdom for a horse ! ' — ' Lay on, Macduff ! and d d be he who cries hold enough ! ' — ' Angels and ministers of grace defend us ! be thou a spirit of health or goblin d d ? ' The performance on Saturday night, and their anticipation of that for Monday night, excite their imagination, and dreams of Yorick's skull, ghosfs, gipsies, Macbeth's witches, daggers, murders, &c., perplex them during divine service on Sunday, where they are taken by their parents, who cannot, without downright mockery (if Episcopalians), join in the sublime prayers of the church. In the Confession they pray thus: — 'And grant, most merciful Father, for His sake, that we may hereafter live a godly, righteous and sober life, to the glory of Thy holy name. Amen.' In the PORTFOLIO. ftl ill their in- 3 incid cnt to I the theatre, rau;;eincntof attachments, young people )([ from com- iamplo set by 3n to the the- jpccially that do precocious, urc injury, by lusem'^nts. e scenery, and ly, mirthful at J look out for ■ormance, and its : ' A horse ! Macduff! and id ministers of oblin d d?' cipation of that iimsofYorick's murders, &c., sphere they are iglit mockery he church. In most merciful ;odly, righteous .men.' In the 1 Absolution : — ' That those things may please him which wo do at this present, and that the rest of our life hereafter may be pure and holy, so that at the last we may come to his eternal joy.' In the General Thanksgiving: — 'That wo may show forth thy praise, not only Avith our lips, but in our lives,' by giving up our- selves to thy service, and by walking before thee in holiness and righteousness all our days.' In the prayer / >• all conditions of Men: — 'That all who profess and call themsol '!hristiaiis may be led into the way of truth, and hold the faitu m unity of spirit, in the bond of peace and in righteousness of life.' And in the Collect at the Communion: — , Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of thy Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love thee and woi t^hily magnify thy holy name.' "But is not the drama," said Mrs. Jenkins, "calculated to ex- tend our knowledge of history, to prompt us to study the lives of eminent characters who bore conspicuous parts in the various ages of the woj'ld, expand our ideas, and enlarge our views of human nature — make us more social, enlarge the circle of our acquain- tances, and is it not the most convenient and pleasurable recrea- tion after the business, cares and toils of the day ; and does it not draw the attention of young men and others, who would otherwise frequent dram-shops and sundry other haunts of evil to be found in all places where theatres are established, and where health and reputation are ruined?" "Without entering into a lengthy reply to your questions," said Jenkins, "I may just say that we have plenty of standard history and literary institutions to extend our knowledge of his- tory, &c. ; that the friendship formed within the walls of a thea- tre is exceedingly dangerous to youth ; that its drawing people from haunts of vice is a flimsy argument for doing evil that good may eomc. If it is productive of good results, why do not our clergymen take their families there, and recommend it from the pulpit and on their pastoral yisits ? They are men of like passion^ ^. .^J^ IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) K^ 1.0 1.1 mm m ■ 40 2.0 1!^ IIIJ4 |>4 *l 6" ► 0% /. ^j> p>* 7 Sciences Corporalion 1 i\ :\^' \ 6^ 23 WIST MAIN STRir WIBSTm,N.Y. USM (716)172-4903 • 92 VBD FENTON S vith ourselves, and if it is Trrong for them to countenance and support the stage, it must be wrong for us to do so. " When young people, having practised amateur theatricals, are allured to the stage, many of them go from step to step, and by constant excitement under the inebriating effect of popular applause, and the stimulating effects of strong liquors, putting forth all the powers of memory and energy in learning new pieces, until nature prematurely gives way, the memory becomes oblivious, and the strength and intellect too much exhausted for the profession, they finally wind up in some charitable institution. I admit, how- ever, that there have been admirable exceptions, most of whom abandoned the stage in early life for marriage or some other set- tlement, or in disgust. " While oi^the subject of theatricals, I am reminded of an at- tractive bill handed me while returning from the store yesterday, by Tom Kennedy —here it is : 'UNPRECEDENTED ATTRACTION! THEATRE ROB-ALL. •OLX liBSSEB, THE PRINCE OF DARK^fESS. — STAGE-UANAaER, OEKERAL ALCOHOL. By Permission, and under the immediate Patronage of his Satanic Majesty, THE BACCHANNLIAN AMATEURS!! Will continue to perform, daily, for the benefit of messieurs; disease, crime, & death, THE POPULAR TRAGEDY OF "INTOXICATIONI!" OR, THE DISTILLER AND HIS VICTIMS 1 1 1 In two Grand Acts of Human Degradation and lluin ! ! ! DRAMATIS PERSON.^. Palpitation of the Heart, UngoTernable Passions, Palsy, Inflammation of the Brain, Wounds without Causes, Tremours, Do Lun8:s, Dislocations, Hypochondria, 1^ Stomach, Fractures, Epilepsy, moe ftnd •icals, are , and by applause, th all the itil nature , and the ►rofession, imit, how- of \yhom other set- of an at- yesterday, ALCOHOL- «ty, RS!! 1 1 \ ft, Inflammation of the Heart, Morbid Irritabiluj, Delerinm Tremens, Do Liver, Rheumatism, Insanity, Do Kidneys, Dropsy, Frightful Delusions, Bile, Mental Dejection, Spontaneous Combustion, Dysentery, Apoplexy, Suicide, kc.flkc. ^ SCENE IsT. — In the background the Distiller's men may be seen taking the fruits of the earth, viz : — Wheat, Barley, Oats, tec, and, by a process which de- prives them of Nutrition, and by the aid of Alcohol, Vitriol, White Copperas, Prussic Acid, Blue Stone, Logwood, lie., &c., converting them into Fiery Liquor Poisons. In the foreground, are a concourse of People, giving orders for largo • quantities of the Liquors, for the purpose of retail ; and, in point of fact, to man- ufacture Drunkards, Beggars, Broken-hearted Wives, Starved Children, Ruffians, Robbers, Maniacs, Murderers, &c. SCENE 2:iD. — The Tavern-keeper stands in his Bar in the foreground, out- raging all humanity with impunity, by dealing out (under license) to his deluded Tictims, adulterated liquors and deleterious poisons. To the left are a group of small noisy politicians, gambling, drinking and squandering their time and money, regardless of the necessities of their respective families. At the bar a wretched female is giving cent per cent profit for her gill, with the moc/j just given her in charity, for the support of her ragged, starving children. To the right are a few who have been admitted by private doors, as they are yet, from their position in society, ashamed to enter publicly — now bereaved of com- mon sense they are discussing religious topics. See, a smile brightens the coun- tenance of the host, as two young men enter, well supplied with pocket-money by their respective parents ; they drink, and treat and pay freely, ridicule sober drones, and their old fools of parents who were not more liberal with them. In the interior, and screened from public gaze, are a group of gamblers at work, with minds and bodies inflamed with liquor, tobacco-smoke, and anxiety for the stakes ; oaths and execrations form the principal part of their conversation. Near the door, a sullen, savage countenance awakes from stupor, and penniless, with cracked and parched tongue, he eagerly demands another drink on credit, and being refused, he departs to add another to his guilty crimes, to raise money for more liquor. The whole scene presents a dismal and murky atmosphere. By way of Interlude, precious time will be murdered, while the audience will be entertained with several comic and sentimental Songs, among which will be the following : — "The Cruiskeen Lawn," By 3Ir. InehriatU' "The Light of other Days," Mr. Used-Up. "Still so gently o'er me stealing," Jtr. Half-Swu oo«r. 94 NED PENTON'S " Life let us Cherish," .' Mr. O'Shaughraum. « Begone Dull Care," Mr. Devil-may -Care. "Here's a Health to Jolly Bachus," Mr. Three-sheeti-in-the-toind " The Night before Larry was stretch'd," Mr. Horizontal. " Wh^^ny Ould Hat was New," Mr. Mulvather. " The Unfortunate Rake," Mr. Spendthrift. "We'll not go home till morning," Mr. Leech. . "Moll Brook," Mr. Pot- Companion. Toasts and Sentiments, Mr. Bletherskite. Nocturnal Street Qlees, The Avxateurt. ^ Mr. Serttoed- Up will perform several favorite Airs on the Nasal Organ. Pugilism and Gymnastics by Messrs. Wayhom and Guzzler. o A HISBIAMD rUNO WILL BE PBODDCED, WHEN " DR. KETCH " WILL APPEAR IN HIS QBIAT CHARACTER OF " FIHI8HER OF THE LAW 111" AND THE WHOLE TO CONCLUDE WITH THE MELANCHOLY AFTER-PIECE OF SELF-MUKDEK. The scene represents a happy family in affluent circumstances. The parents ridicule drunkards, and subscribe to Temperance Societies, while (they harbour the serpent and the adder,) their sideboard is covered with liquors, hospitably given to strangers, and freely used at dinners and parties, where the children are permitted ; the eldest son (one of those two) who entered the tavern in the last scene, commenced life with bright prospects — but frequent applications to the sideboard laid the foundation for his destruction — he marries — sinks by degrees into the vortex of the drunkard. His wife and children, by example and habit, become inured to it, and, reduced to beggary, become a burthen to the public. The husband sums up by Delerium Tremens and Suicide. MUSIC composed of the roar of the Drunkard, mingled with the cries of his afflicted wife and starving children. Fencing, Bowling, Balancing, Juggling, Ground and Lofty Tumbling, and Tight- Rope Dancing. SCENERY, painted in Blood from Real Life. DECORATIONS, Wounds, Bruises, Broken Bones with Bandages, Manacles, Red and Black Eyes, Bloated Faces, Bloody Noses, and Rags. DRESSES : — The Acts requiring more than ordinary exertion, the Dresses will, of course be ventilated Regalia. Now and then the Actors will appear in masquerade. Light-fingered Gentlemen will be in attendance to take charge of the Property of Strangers. No admittance behind the scenes under any pretence whatever. hraum. ay -Care. ieet$-in-the-u)ind tal. er. rift. ipanion. ikite. rt. Organ. A.R IN HIS GBIAT PIECE or i. The parents B (they harbour lors, hospitably [he children are rern in the last ications to the inks by degrees mple and habitt to the public. le cries of his iog, and Tight- Manacles, Red gs. le Dresses will, jtors if the Property aterer. PORTFOLIO. m Fre« Admission as long as there is a Penny in the Pocket, or an article of Furniture or Clothing to dispose of. Servants and Ghildren same price. Doors open at all hours, Day and Night, (Sundays not excepted,) and Private Doors during Divine Service. The Police will frequently be in attendance to keep order. PRO BONO PUBLICO. MR. FLINT— A MISER. " What do you think of old Flint the grocer ?" said Mrs. Jenkins. "I think very little about him," replied Mr. Jenkins; "he has a hard name and he deserves it — as is his name so is his nature : although he is well oflF, you might as well try to get blood from a turnip as to get a penny from him for any charitable or benevolent object. The most grief-stricken, or the most charmingly attrac- tive and 'importunate widow,' the most amiable, endearing, and lovely young kdies, and the most excellent men, have failed to touch one chord of sympathy in his tough, screwed-up, griping nature, or to make him practically understand what is compre- hended in the terms filthy lucre, philanthropy, charity, a spirit of noble generosity, or the meaning of the words : ' It is more blessed to give than to receive;' or the nature of the loan, or the security or interest implied in the proverb, ' He that hath pity on the poor lendeth unto the Lord, and look, what he layeth out it shall be paid him again.' They would call him a twisted, tight- ened-up, niggardly, nasty old miser, were it proper to do so ; but he, and others like him, need not think they will escape public opinion ; although young lady collectors don't put themselves to much inconvenience in concealing the miserable muck-rake dispo- sition of such people, and take great delight in applauding those who subscribe cheerfully, according to their means. For my part, I would rather deny myself of everything bordering on luxury Ithan refuse to subscribe, more or less, to benevolent objects — 96 NED FENTON'8 I especially if young ladies be the collectors — "were it only for the low motive of saving my character from the most contemptible epithet of any language, i. e. a miser; in view of the graves we so often see open, the short time until we shall be in them, and the words we hear read at them, viz : 'For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothingout.' " "But is it not written for our instruction," said Mrs. Jenkins, "The hand of the diligent maketh rich ;' 'The prudent man foreseeth evil and hideth himself,' and that 'If a man provide not for his family he denies the faith, and is worse than an infidel?" ' "There is a medium in all things," said Mr. Jenkins. "The texts you have quoted are plain, and easily understood, but have no more reference to hoarding up money than our Lord's admoni- tion : 'Take no thought for the morrow,' &c., has to making nd preparation whatever for future food and raiment for ourselves and children. This grovelling, griping, hoarding disposition is not confined to any class of people ; those who could live in com- fort and affluence, and grow rich by benefitting their fellow men, it turns into miserable misanthropes, and causes people in middling and comparatively poor circumstances to half starve themselves and families. Two gentlemen lived in a city not far from this, whose incomes were equally large at their outset in life ; one of them became a miser, and benefitted no individual he could avoid for fear of losing his money ; the other was generous and enterprising, and embarked all his capital in an extensive factory, in which he kept four hundred and fifty men constantly employed. Many of those men had families and lived in comparatively com- fortable circumstances, who drew men of all trades and professions around them — streets and various factories soon went up, and the whole community was directly and indirectly benefitted by our generous friend, who soon became ten times richer than his neigh- bour the miser. While on this suLject I will tell you how a dis- honest miser in low circumstances was punished : — "C; land t been i ried o raised supply ticket day, Yt object, Galwa suspici of the found whereu and pi well sh lishmei fitockin woollen and toj pockets a servic easy-fitt a pocke the who judges, Et ticket louse, tl f he w< i^olumes •ble acts will rei PORTFOLIO. 97 inly for the iontemptible rraves we so em, and the nothing into » >» • [rs. Jenkins, )rudent man provide not infidel?" ' kins. "The )d, but have )rd's admoni- so making nd for ourselves disposition is I live in com- r fellow men, e in middling e themselves "ar from this, in life; one ual he could ;enerous and asive factory, y employed, ratively com- id professions up, and the fitted by our an his neigh- au how a dis- " Crowds of Irish laborers were in the habit of crossing to Eng- land to assist in reaping the harvest. One year, numbers who had been unemployed had no alternative but begging, which was car- ried on to such an extent that the humane citizens of Liverpool raised a large sum of money by subscription, for the purpose pf supplying each of these poor Irishmen with a shilling loaf and a ticket for a free passage to their nearest port in Ireland. One day, while the officers were engaged carrying out their charitable object, a rough specimen of humanity, hailing from the county of Galway, presented himself for his loaf and free ticket ; a strong suspicion having been entertained that he was not totally devoid of the circulating medium, he was searched, and twenty sovereigns found sewed up in the waistband of his old corduroy breeches, whereupon, after some deliberation, he was taken to a bath-house, and properly washed ; from thence to a barber's, where he was well shaved and shampooed ; then to an extensive outfitting estab- lishment, where he was well fitted with a pair of long lamb's-wool stockings, two comfortable flannel and cotton shirts, a pair of woollen drawers, and a pair of decent drab cassimere breeches and top boots, a double-breasted drab cloth waistcoat with four pockets, a blue cloth dress coat with gilt buttons, a satin stock, a serviceable, fashionable, waterproof beaver hat, a comfortable, easy-fitting drab cloth overcoat, with large, white pearl buttons, |a pocket handkerchief, a pair of strong gloves and an umbrella ; he whole outfit, purchased with care and discrimination by good judges, came to twelve pounds ten shillings, and after selling him ticket for Dublin, and paying for his dinner in a cheap eating ouse, they left him on board, looking and feeling as awkward as f he were in heavy marching order in the Queen's Life-Guards. olumes might be filled with anecdotes illustrative of the miser- ble acts and circumstances attending the career and end of misers. will read you one or two extracts upon the subject : — NED VBNTON'S M I " ' The providing suitable portions for children is a very common apology for the keen prosecution of wealth, and the anxious care ' which is exercised in securing it. In most instances, however, it is nothing more than a cloak to cover the vile principle of covet- ousness, when it is beginning to sway its sceptre over the mind. But supposing a regard for the temporal interests of children to mingle itself with a covetous affection, the practice of laying up fortunes for children, so as to make them independent, is both injudicious and immoral in its general tendency. Every parent ought to give his children a good education, so far as is in his power, and indulge them in every innocent enjoyment, and when they are beginning business, he may afford them as much money as he can spare, and give them to understand that the whole of their future happiness will depend upon their prudence, exertion, and moral conduct ; they will more readily apply the powers of their mind to their business and attend to the dictates of prud- ence, than if they were depending upon the constant support of their parents. When children begin to discover that the penu- rious dispositions of their parents is a mean, cringing vice, they conclude that extravagance is a virtue, and thus a broad path will be opened for licentious conduct in the future part of their lives. They are trained up in the idea that their parents are accumulat- ing wealth which they are destined to spend, and they live mider restraints and privations which they hope the death of their parents will soon remove. The old men die, and we immediately behold the children entering on the career of gayety and licen- tiousness, and running headlong to poverty and destruction, and instead of feeling grateful to the parent for the riches he has ac- cumulated, can scarcely conceal their joy that they are removed from under his restraints. * * * * He is a poor, piti- able fool who makes the slightest pretences to religion while his heart is the seat of avaricious desires, or who makes riches, gay apparel, foolish amusements, and the gratification of pride and PORTFOLIO. 99 ery comnion mxious care however, it pie of covet- sr the mind, f children to )f laying up lent, is both Jvery parent tr as is in his it, and when much money the whole of ,ce, exertion, ' the powers bates of prud- it support of lat the penu- ig vice, they •oad path will of their lives, re accumulat- ey live ipder eath of their immediately ty and licen- truction, and les he has ac- are removed a poor, piti- ion while his riches, gay of pride and vanity the chief object of his pursuit. He subjects himself to unnecessary distress by the compunctions of conscience which the denunciations of religion must occasionally produce ; and if he has any measure of common sense, he must plainly perceive that any hopes of happiness he may indulge in relative to a future state are founded on ' the baseless fabric of a vision.' The >nly couBistent plan, therefore, which he can adopt, if he is determined to prosecute his avaricious courses, is to endeavour to prove re- ligion a fable, to abandon himself to downright skepticism, to scout the idea of a Supreme Governor of the Universe, and to try, if he can, to live without God, and without hope in the world.' " " I was thinking," said Mrs. Jenkins, "while you were reading of the parable of the rich man who «ai(i he would pull down his barns and build greater — and the texts : ' Lay not up for your- selves treasures upon earth,' — ' He heapeth up riches, and know- eth not who shall gather them,' — ' Riches profiteth not in the day of wrath,' — 'Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished,' — 'Riches certainly make themselves wings and fly away,' — 'He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver,' — 'Woe unto them that join house to house and lay field to ^ Jd,' — 'Let not I the rich man glory in his riches,' — 'Take no (au; lous) thought what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink, nor yet for your body I what ye shall put on,' — ' They that will be jrich fall into tempta- Ition and a snare,' — ' For the love of money is the root of all levil,' — ' Go to now, ye rich men,' &c., &c." THE DUNNS. * ■ " Are the Dunns to be at the party ?" said Mr. Jenkins. " No ndeed ! " replied Mrs. Jenkins. " The JoUys hate the sight of hem, because they have gone there several times uninvited, but IS they had letters of introduction from Messrs. Brewer, Baker, md Tailor, and one or two other acquaintances of the Jollys*, they onsidered they were not only justifiable but acting in accordance 100 NED IBNTON'S with the strictest rules of etiquette in paying them an occasional visit. However, they were never asked to stay for'dinner, or tea, not even to sit down ; Mr. Jolly never made his appearance, and Mrs. Joly hid when she heard their name announced ;^she some- times, however, had not time to do so, hut latterly she has given strict orders to Biddy Cook, the housemaid, that in the event of • her knowing the Dunns to he at the door, she is not, under any circumstances, to open it, — ^but if she happens to let them in igno- rantly, she is to inform them that the family are out of town. They left their cards, however, on several occasions, but no atten- tion whatever would have been paid to them, were it not for the introductory letters of those gentlemen who are the best friends the Jollys have, and as the Dunns are in the habit of talking about their neighbors' circumstances and making such a blowing horn of everything they do, it was thought advisable to write them letters of apology, and return their calls." THE DOOLITTLES. "Do you know the Doolittles?" said Mr. Jenkins. "I am not acquainted with them," replied Mrs. Jenkins. "I have been in- formed, however, by Mrs. Trotter, that Mr. Doolittle is an indus- trious man, of steady business habits, and a teetotaller ;• but the women are thriftless a§d extravagant, and keep more servants than they require, while they fritter away their time in listless supineness, or in visiting their neighbours at unseasonable hours, when they would not like to be visited themselves ; they know nothing about the markets, nor of household economy, and mote about in loose dishabille, reading trashy novels, except when visi- ted by a few neighbours on an occasional evening, when they enter with spirit on the subject of dress, criticism, slander, and a great many other topics, irrespective of common sense. In their very struggle to be polite, and do the amiable by affected language and gesture, and boasting of rich friends, &c., they expose them- PORTrOLIO. 101 occasional ler, or tea, irance, and ; she some- e has given ;he event of under any lem in igno- out of town. >ut no atten- t not for the best friends talking about blowing horn ) write them selves to the ridicule and contempt of their visitors ; by their loose slip-shod habit of leaving things out of their proper places, they lose half their time in looking for almost every article they want, and are so slow in dressing, they go bustling to breakfast, and hurry to church without family prayer, where they are invariably late, and may be seen standing in the vestibule or porch until the minister's first prayer is concluded. Every one of their acquain- tances in church knows the reason why they are late, and criticises them accordingly. The habit of coming late into church is an in- excusable error : it annoys the minister, draws oflf the attention of the feather-headed portion of the congregation, and betrays a culpability which is not easy to get rid of. We must attend to our trades, professions and offices, as clerks, &c., &c., in proper time, or lose our business ; if we were fond of theatres we would attend them in proper time. Were we sure of finding twenty dol- lars each placed on our seats in church for our sole use every time we went in proper time, and that we would lose twenty dollars each by not being in proper time, how few would be absent ! The late Rev. W. Atherton used to say, ' The last person that comes into the church ought to be the preacher, and he should be in time.' But to return to the Doolittles. There are two sons who mope about the house in indolence, without energy to procure a living for themselves ; they have been in situations, but could not hold them, and are burthens on their father. And this is not all : they have been frequently noticed and complained of to the min- ister for irreverent and disrespectful conduct in church. Such con- duct is exceedingly wicked, and cannot fail to be punished by the Almighty, who will not allow heathens to be mocked in their reli- gion. He says, 'Thou shalt not revile the gods.' By the family [sleeping long in the morning, Mr. Doolittle is obliged to take his |breakfast alone, and an active part in domestic matters, which legitimately falls within the province of the gentle sex. Such con- luct on the part of those women I look upon as reprehensible in 8 : 102 NED FENTON'S tho extreme. They not only deprive themselves of health, cheerful- ness, and approving consciences, but they rob Mr. Doolittle of all mental, social, and manly enjoyment, after tho cares and perplexities of his daily business, in which he toils and spends his energies for their support ; he is looked upon as an efTcminate man, without energy to command and regulate his household affairs with a proper and dignified manliness. Mrs. Doolittle and her daughters need not imagine that their conduct is not well known and criticised, or that any young man possessed of common sense would venture to think of any of the Misses Doolittle as an advantageous match. I wish they would study the 81st chapter of Proverbs from the 10th verse." THE FAIRCHILDS. " There is no girl Avho comes to our house I like as well as Bessy Fairchild," said Mrs. Jenkins ; " she is so tall and handsome, so mild and innocent, and so sensible and so good ! She will not be eighteen until the first of May next, and yet she is able to take the whole management of the house in the absence of her mother. And her sister Mary is such a dear girl, and so beautiful, and so like a woman of intelligence, although she was only sixteen last Easter. Although they arc well educated and accomplished girls, and can afford to keep sewing girls, liveried servants, horses and carriages, they are industriously employed every day in cookery, housework, and making and mending for themselves andj their little brothers and sisters, to whom they are kind and atten- tive, as well as to their parents ; and they perform all their acts| of household work without fear of visitors. Indeed I am quite certain they will not be long without excellent husbands." admire them very much," said Jenkins; "their amiability, good] ness and industry are principally attributable to the example and instruction of their good mother. When I see fuzzled-up, finikai giggling girls, I can hardly help suspecting that they are likj month'! servant PORTFOLIO. 108 1, choerful- . Doolittle cares and I spends his effeminate J household )oolittle and ; is not well 1 of common oolittle as an 3l8t chapter ; well as Bessy handsome, so he will not be 8 able to take of her mother, lutiful, and so ly sixteen last accomplished lervants, horses every day in Ithemselves and| ind and atten- all their acts] ,ed I am qnit< lusbands." Liability, good] Ihe example an( iled-up, finikai they are lik what their mothers were. I wonder, however, that Mrs.Fairchild would allow her daughters to go to Jolly's party." "I believe it is the wish of their father, who has a great deal of business trans- actions with Mr. Jolly," said Mrs. Jenkins, "and Mrs. Fairchild never was known to contradict or thwart him in anything ; besides the girls were at school with the JoUys, and are on friendly terms with them. On the whole, I do not think it will do them much harm to go to the party." "If it does them no harm, it certainly will do them no good," said Mr. Jenkins. "One thing is sure, they will be censured by the members of their church for it." "Well, I am certain," replied Mrs. Jenkins, "that many of those fault-finders who may impugn their conduct for so doing, are guilty of greater sin than going to a pleasure party." " That is what Doctor Jeffers calls 'wretched, worn-out, sinner logic,' " said Mr. Jenkins. " It is written : ' Whether ye eat or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God ' ; if, on the assembling of the guests, they cannot conscientiously pray for the blessing of their Almighty preserver and benefactor on the evening's amusements, attending the party as a guest must be a sinful act, which cannot be justified or palliated in the least, by the fact of a church mem- ber, who may censure it, committing a greater sin." "I must admit you are right," said Mrs. Jenkins. "However, for Mary's sake as well as theirs, I hope the party will be respect- able and properly conducted. I was about to say for the mild and dignified conduct of the Fairchilds toward their . servants, they are repaid with a double share of affection, and long and faithful service." MES. SOFTLY AND BIDDY FOGARTY. " It is very different with Mrs. Sharp and Mrs. Fiddler, who change their servants once a month, without considering that a month's acquaintance is not enough to remove the penchant of servants for talking censoriously of them Jio their next mistresses 104 NED FENTON'S and their daughters. There is Mrs. Fiddler's eldest daughter Sophia, only eighteen, and she is married over twelve months to young lawyer Softly, and has had a change of servants every month for eight months after they were married." " Servants out of place," said Mr. Jenkins, " are in the habit of meeting at intelligence offices, and at a sort of rendezvous lodging-houses, and although they do not pretend to understand much of science, politics, history or divinity, they talk very fluently without flag- ging, on every branch of their own avocations, dress, &c., and freely criticise the conduct of the members of the families where they last lived, and especially their mistresses and their daughters. One day, nine of them met together, three of whom lived with Mrs. Softly, into whose conduct they walked without measure, and how they did animadvert on the petulance, and the airs of the soft, saucy, childish, would-be mistress Mrs. Softly, who, they said, was perfectly innocent of household economy, and who spoke contemp- tuously of servants in gciieral, and of Irish servants in particular, in presence of her visitors. Among the group was a stout, ruddy countenanced, black haired Corhonian^ who closed her remarks by saying : 'Never fear, girls, I'll match her as shure as the heft's in the beetle, or my name's not Biddy. I'll go to-morrow and pala- ver her, and purtind to be Inglish an' hire wud her.' Accord- ingly, next day she rung the bell and was admitted. ' I'm tculd yer in want of a servant, mam,' said she as Mrs. Softly made her appearaijce. ' Of what country are you a native ? ' said Mrs. Softly. ' I'm Yorkshire, bred and born, an' my father an' mo- ther before me, mam,' replied Biddy. 'What is your name?' in- quired Mrs. Softly. ' Biddy Fogarty, mam ; a name that never was disgraced since the memory of man,' replied Biddy. 'Well, Biddy,' said Mrs. Softly, ' in what capacity would you wish to engage ? ' ' Oh ! for that matther, mam,' she replied, ' it's all owin' to the length of your family ; if there's only yourself an' the mas- ther> I ^^^ c*^o^ ^^' vjash an* take a hand at anything, an mind daughter ttonths to its every Servants oeeting at [ig-houses, of science, tliout flag- &c., and ilies where daughters, i with Mrs. e, and how of the soft, ey said, was ke contemp- articular, in itout, ruddy remarks hy ;he heft's in m and pala- ' Accord- Tm tould ly made her said Mrs. ;her an' mo- name?' in- that never |dy. 'Well, you wish to it's all owin' an' the mas- Ing, an mind PORTFOLIO. 105 babies if thare's occasion for it.' 'Very well, Biddy,* said Mrs. Softly, ' what wages do you expect ? ' ' Well, mam,' replied Biddy, ' if I get out wanst to prayers on Sunday an' two evenings in the week for two hours aich turn, an' that there doesn't be late parties, an' considherin' yer small family, I'll be mortial aisy plaised in wages.' In short, Biddy was engaged, and things went on well for nearly a month, when one day an unusual noise attracted Mrs. Softly to the kitchen, where she found Biddy standing the pic- ture of confusion, and a tub of suds spilled over the floor. ' Why, you slovenly, bungling creature, what on earth can be the mat- ter?' exclaimed Mrs. Softly. 'Heth mam,' replied Biddy, 'I was afther cuttin' a bit o' mate, an' puttin' down some pays an' banes for the dinner, when I sees a poor Avoman, an' she goin' past the door in a hurry, an' while you'd be sayin' thrapsticks she thripped an' fell, an spilt her basket ov paitches an' pares, an' sure enough, I made a race to rise her, when, as bad luck would have it, the tail ov my bedgown catched in a splinthcr in the tub an' pult it down, an' spilt my fine tub o' suds all over the flure, but shure afther all, the sorra taste o' harms done, barrin' *he tare in my bedgown ; it's all not as bad as a bad marriage, mam.' ' you great big lump of a nasty awkward girl,' said Mrs. Softly, 'you could not do worse if you Avere a dirty rough Irishwoman.' ' Is it durty Irish did you say, mam ? ' retorted Biddy. ' Arrah be the hokeys,' she continued, as she squared herself, and caught up a potstick and brandished it about her head, ' Biddy Fogarty's the girl from Cork's own town, that never was so mane or afraid as to stand up and let the best woman that ever stepped in shoe leather, or any other man, let alone a spcrrit of a sprissawn like you, say a word agin sweet ould Ireland the first Jim of the my. Dirty, rough Irish indeed ! Be gorra, mam, you should clanc yer mouth when you stand up furninst me to spake about Ireland : that beautiful imirald island of saints. I give you notice now to look out for one o' your Inglish dandyo^nma as fast as ye like, for » II I I 106 NEDFBNTOir'S conshumin to the foot I'll stay beyant this month, barrin' ye rais« the wageg, so afF wud ye now. Whoo ! Ould Ireland foreve*, an' the shky over it ! There's nothing like a bit o' spunk.' After this deliverance, Mrs Softly silently retreated to a sofa, where she lay in a reclining posture in dread and fear of Biddy, until the return of Mr. Softly, to whom she related the whole aflfair, and after a good deal of reasoning, they concluded that as Biddy was the best girl they had, to raise her wages, and treat her kindly, and consult her occasionally, and Mrs. Softly to take more inte- rest in the kitchen ; in the meantime Mr. Softly was to procure the best works on cookery, household economy, mistresses and servants, &c., for the study of Mrs. Softly. So Biddy remains there Btill, and likes her place, and Mrs. Softly declares she will never have a servant but an Irish one." THE GRACES. "Are there any of the Graces invited?" said Mr. Jenkins. " Why, Isaac ! " replied Mrs. Jenkins, "I thought you were aware that the JoUys and the Graces have not been on speaking terms for a long time ; the latter made some overtures of intimacy, but j were treated with such cold indifference that the intimacy is alto- gether broken off. You ought to know that the Graces are not I partial to cards, and dancing, and liquor-drinking, * neither foolish talking nor jesting which are not convenient, but rather giving of I thanks.' Love is the ruling principle of tl ir conduct ; they noti only love one another, but they actually love their enemies, as alll have but a short probation on earth. When they are merry theyl sing psalms ; in fact they are always rejoicing in hope of futurel bliss. 'As much as lieth in them, they live peaceably wit! all men,' and they endure pain and disappointment with patience; they are so gentle they would not injure the smallest insect ii creation ; in short they are good, faithful friends ftnd teetotallers.'! PORTFOLIO. 107 n' ye rais« ;oreve», an' ttlB.' After I, -where she j^ until the j affair, and 3 Biddy was her kindly, ie more inte- is to procure listresses and remains there jhe will never Mr. Jenkins, rou were aware ipeaking terms intimacy, hut | Itimacy is alto- 1 Graces are not neither foolish I ather giving of I [duct ; they notl enemies, as alll are merry theyl hope of future! peaceably witl with patience ; lallest insect it id teetotallers. I MR. FREEMAN AND HIS BEGGARLY RELATIVES. *' Do you know whether Mr. Freeman is invited ?" said Mr. Jen- kins. " He was, but sent an apology on account of some business he had to attend to," replied Mrs. Jenkins. "I have been acquainted with him for many years," said Mr. Jenkins, " and have always found him to be an upright, industrious man, who, by close applfcation to business, would long since have been relieved from its carking cares, and his children placed out of the reach of poverty, or of becoming burdens on their friends should he die suddenly, as many of his acquaintances did, leaving their helpless families dependent on the cold charity of friends not well able to support them ; but he had the misfortune to connect himself by marriage with a poor, proud family, named TroUope, who without energy or inclination to provide for themselves, keep teasing him (through his wife) from time to time for advances of money without the slightest prospect of paying, and which he has been obliged to give to get rid of their pitiful applications, and latterly they have become so unscrupulous that they are not only unthank- ful for what they get, but are disappointed and grumble because he does not impoverish his family by giving them more. Mr. Freeman's own relatives are in pecuniary difficulties and annoy him in a similar way, although most of them had better prospects in life than he had, but they were fond of parties, excursions, and show off in dress, furniture, houses, &c. The same may be said of his wife's relations. Many a time poor Freeman remonstrated with them on their loss of time, negligence and procrastination, and for not using their energy and talents in making provision for the future ; but th^ not only treated his advices and warnings with contempt, but sneered at his economy, and now by reverses in busi- ness, sickness, &c., they are reduced to the humiliating position of begging from him part of the fruits of his industry, after, by foolish extravagance, spending their own, which, with less economy than he used, would have left them in better positions, and now he is watched I ¥\ I I 108 NED FBNTON'S with a jealous eye by his begging friends of both sides of the house. But Mr. Freeman is satisfied with the allotment of Providence, and rejoices in the prosperity of all around him ; he is perfectly certain that ' all things will work together for his good' ; he says 'it is more blessed to give than to receive,* namely, that the com- munication of good ought to be the great object of every Christian, and that it is more desirable and honorable to impart enjoyment to others than to receive it from them ; he is fond of the sentiment : * Man wants but little here below. Nor wants that little long.' " "If he were not one of the best men in existence," said Mrs. Jenkins, "he would not submit to be placed between two fires as he is. What a miserable, unprincipled set of cormorants ! Mr. Free- man could not have greater enemies than people who take his hard earnings for nothing ; he must be beside himself not to spurn them from about him ; nothing can be more contemptibly mean than their conduct." "You must not be too severe," said Mr. Jenkins; "they are not all able to earn their support, and it is not easy for those who can to descend to menial services who have never been accustomed to them ; and as we cannot recall the past, we must only hope for better times when Mr. Freemen's friends will have learned a lesson that will cause them to pay him with interest. His opinion and yours are quite at variance on this subject. Admitting they are his enemies, you would banish them from about you, and would not give them another penny. This would turn them against you, and cause them to forget all the good you have done them. Now, Mr. Freeman is a good man, and acting on the advice of the Apostle, who says, ' If thine enemy hunger, feed him; if ne thirst, give him drink, for by so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head,' which simply means to melt them into tenderness and turn them to be real friends. The best revenge is to do good for evil." " I am thankful," said Mrs. Jenkins, " that we are not in such a poisition. PORTFOLIO. 109 the house, rovidence, J perfectly .' ; he says ,t the com- Christian, ijoymentto sentiment : ' said Mrs. 3 fires as he Mr. Free- Bike his hard spurn them in than their ; "they are •r those who accustomed ily hope for •ned a lesson opinion and they are his |d would not ist you, and Now, Mr. ;he Apostle, rst, give him |n his head,' id turn them ,vil." "lam m a position. If my friends were a hurden to you, my life would be most miser- able. It ought to be a lesson to people to use the talents and energy God has given them to provide for themselves and their children ; as we cannot tell what is in the future, we ought to make reason- able .efforts to provide against want." A BACKSLIDING TEETOTALLER. On leaving for the party, Mrs. Jenkins looked attractively charming, and was particularly pleased with the tout ensemble of her daughter Mary, who,«8he had no doubt, would captivate more than one admiring young gentleman during the evening. And what a splendid party ! everything was of the most recherchS description, and the liquors of the choicest brands ; the whole scene, comprising the brilliant chandeliers — the splendidly-dressed young ladies — the handsome young gentlemen — the luxurious table — the pleasure of wine and smiling compliments — the laugh, the joke — the pun — the song and general jollification — the music and the mazy dance, presented a picture of mirthful animation, which threw the sober, sombre, meagre evening's proceedings of a temperance division far away in the shade, and was so painfully trying to the temperance principles of Mr. Singer, that he became perfectly flat and dejected, and moping in a corner, sat like a picture of despair, mentally regretting his misfortune for being such a madman as to get initiated into the teetotallers. Being a good singer, he was asked for a song, which he politely refused, and sat in moody silence. "Why, what can be' the matter with Mr. Singer?" said Miss Silverthorn. "Perhaps he is unwell," re- plied Miss Lovelace. "0 dear, how I would like to hear him sing!" said Bessy Fairchild. "Ask Mr. Hooker to come and see him," said, Miss Fiddler. "Come, Singer," said Doctor Tipple, "what's the matter?" "0, Doctor," said Singer, as he stretched himself and yawned, and then pressed one hand to his side and the other to his front, "I feel a return of a nasty twitching pain 110 NED FENION'S to which I am subject. I fear I shall be obliged to retise." ♦'Singer, my dear fellow," said Mr. Jolly, "I can truly sympathise with you ; as I have been subject to the same distressing com- plaint, I will prepare something for you which always cured me." So saying, he ran off and soon returned with a glass of brandy, hot, which Singer no sooner had drank off than he found instant relief, to the joy of the whole assembly, and then he acceded to the unanimous call, and in a dear, manly voice, sung a song, of which the following is the chorus : — « Then fill the goblet to the brim, And as the tripling sparkles swim Around, we pledge the toast divine, The joys of liberty and wine." On the presumption that prevention is better than cure, he takes a little brandy and barks in the morning and before dinner, and by the advice of his medical adviser he takes a glass of ale at dinner, and one just before going to bed, and thus he goes secure in his own indulged fancy ; but his conscience strikes at the sight of a member of his society in the distance coming towards him ; he would avoid him, but there is no turning; he looks to the right and to the left, as he fears his breath will betray him — as it was a test of teetotalism in days of yore, so it is now. "Among the an- cient Roman matrons and virgins, the use of wine was unknown, and the woman was taxed with immodesty whose breath smelt of the grape. Pliny says that Cato was of the opinion that kissing first began between kinsmen and kinswomen, that they might know whether their wives, daughters or nieces tasted wine." As poor Singer draws near the faithful member of his society, and being Avell aware that there is no deceiving a teetotaller's nose when coming in contact with a distillery, he fumbles in his pockets for a respirative compound, but all his right and left half- facings, and twistings and itchings to pass on, fail to screen him from exposure. At next meeting a charge is preferred against him for tampering with the enemy, which is either taken jpro eon- PORTFOLIO. Ill ;o retiue." jympatliise sssing com- cured me." of brandy, and instant acceded to ; a song, of an cure, he sfore dinner, iass of ale at ! goes secure at the sight owards him; to the right — as it was a nong the an- is unknown, ath smelt of that kissing might know his society, teetotaller's aables in his « md left half- screen him rred against ken pro cm- fesso or proved on olfactory evidence, and he is forgiven on pro- mises ; again he is overtaken and forgiven, and lastly, he takes such an overdose of the ardent that he comes with sneaking excuses for his withdrawal certificate, or is noafied that his pre- sence is no longer required ; in other words, he gets kicked out by expulsion, and then he returns to more congenial spirits, and joins the alcoholic fencibles, whose head-quarters is in the city of perdition. The foregoing is no overdrawn picture of the backsliding of members, arising from discontent and discouragement in impro- perly conducted society meetings, which, with all the accessions to their ranks, are as weak in point of numbers as they wore years ago. — Here the clock struck eleven, and Ned Fenton shut up his portfolio, with a promise to come early next evening, and after a hearty good night, especially to Miss Lamb, he took his leave. Next evening, at about eight o'clock, as Tom Turner had taken up the history of the French revolution, and Mrs. Turner and Miss Lamb their sewing, a knock was heard at the door, which on being opened in walked Ned Fenton, and after the usual saluta- tions, took his seat. COUGHING IN CHURCH. "Miss Lamb," said he, "did the unusual coughing in church last Sunday evening annoy you much?" "I must confess," she replied, "it was very grating on my ears, and must have been so to everybody, and painfully interrupting to the minister. Some boys near me kept up a sharp, yelping sort of cough ; young ladies coughed in silvery tones, and men and women kept their heads erect and their mouths wide open while they barked vociferously as though they wished to let the congregation know they were present. There was such a continued round of coughing, that the text and parts of the excellent sermon were unheard by most of the congregation." • ! i ii'ili i liii'ii 112 NED PENTON S "We would scarcely be justified," said Ned, "in pronouncing this a healthy climate if we take the coughing in church as a criterion ; indeed it would seem as though it were infectious, and that people were specially privileged to cough in church. At one end of the gallery you hear a sepulchral cough, which is followed all over the congregation by coughs denoting all sorts of diseases, from all ages and both sexes, harsh, hoarse, braying, grunting and squeaking coughs, nasal organ-blowing, and sneezing. Such discordant sounds must be very trying to the patience of the min- ister and to all sensible Christians. Judging by myself when I had a severe cold, and from the good effect produced by admoni- tions from the pulpit occasionally, I cannot help thinking that the greater part of the coughing in churches might be avoided or suppressed by keeping the mouth shut, or placing a handkerchief in front of it to smother the sound, and by paying particular attention to the sermon." * \ THE FRENCH HE VOLUTION. " Man's inhumanity to man Makes countless thousands mourn." — Bcbns. " What a horrible set of murderers those Frenchmen who were leaders in the revolution were," said Tom. "That human beings could in such short spaces of time be turned from friendship into deadly hatred, and pursue each other to the most cruel punish- ments and torturing deaths for merely exercising the right of pri- vate judgment and carrying out the principles of their party, is beyond my comprehension." " So it would appear," replied Ned, " but if we reflect on the wickedness of human nature from the beginning, and take into consideration the causes and effects of the wars and revolutions which preceded that of the French — the position of the French nation and the state of parties in Paris just previous to the revo- lution you allude to, and the excitable nature of the French peo- ple, our astonishment will be lessened, and we will look upon PORTFOLIO. ^ m mouncing urch as a tious, and b. At one is followed )f diseases, ;, grunting sing. Such of the min- elf when I by admoni- :ing that the } avoided or aandkerchief ig particular len who were luman beings fiendship into 1 cruel punish- right of pri- bheir party, is Ireflect on the knd take into id revolutions I of the French IS to the revo- [e French peo- }ill look upon Danton, Marat, Robespierre and other leaders then, as very little worse than the generality of men placed under similar circum- stances. On this subject Alison says : ' The cry of the French was not for liberty, but equality : their object was not that every man should be left in peace to enjoy the fruits of his labor in his own sphere of life, but that every man should be elevated into a sphere above that in which he had been born and bred ; hence the animo- sity against the aristocrats, whether of rank or talent, by which it was characterised through all its phases, and the outcry for an equal division of property.' "It was well called ' the reign of terror.' Under the motto ' Li- berty, Equality, Fraternity,' the most barbarous atrocities were perpetrated. Again Alison says: ' When vice appears in its native deformity, it is universally shunned ; its features are horrible alike to others and to itself. Vice is a monster of such hideous mien, That to be hated needs but to be seen ; But seen too oft, familiar with its fuce, We first endure, then pity, then embrace. ** It is by borrowing the language, and rousing the passions of virtue that it insinuates itself into the minds, not only of the spec- tators, but the actors ; the worst deeds are committed by men who delude themselves and others by the noblest expressions. Tyranny speaks with the voice of prudence, and points to the dangers of popular insurrection ; ambition strikes on the chords of patriotism and loyalty, and leads men to ruin others in the belief that they are saving themselves ; democratic fury appeals to the spirit of freedom, and massacres thousands in the name of insurgent hu- manity. In all these cases men would shrink with horror from themselves if their conduct appeared in its true colors ; they be- come steeped in crime while yet professing the intentions of vir- tue, and before they are well aware that they have transgressed its bounds. All these atrocities proceed from one source; cri- minality in them all begins when one line is passed. This source i 114 NED FENTON'S is the principle of expedience, this line is the line of justice. * To do evil that good may come of it,' is not the least prolific cause of wickedness. " 'It is absolutely necessary,' say the politicians of one age, "to check the growing spirit of heresy ; discord in this world, damna- tion in the next, follow in its steps : religion, the fountain of peace, is in danger of being polluted by its poison ; the transient suffer- ings of a few individuals will ensure the eternal salvation of mil- lions.' Such is the language of religious intolerance, such the prin- ciples which lighted the fires of Smithfield. 'You would not hesi- tate,' say the leaders of another period, 'to sacrifice 100,000 men in a single campaign to preserve a province, or conquer a frontier town ; but what are the wars of princes to the eternal contest be- tween freedom and tyranny ; and what the destruction of its pre- sent enemies to the liberty of unborn millions of the human race ? ' Such is the language of revolutionary cruelty; these the maxims which, beginning with the enthusiasm of philanthropists, ended in the rule of Robespierre. Their unexampled atrocities arose from the influence yielded to a single priijciple. The greatest crimes which the world has ever known were but an extension of the sup- posed expedience which hangs for forgery, and burns for heresy. The absorbing passion for individual ad- vancement which, in the more advanced stages of revolution, comes to obliterate every other feeling, springs from the ill-regulated impulse given in the outset to the general affections. For such is the deceitfulness of sin and the proneness to self-aggrandisement in human nature, that the passions cannot be set violently in mo- tion, even by the disinterested feelings, without the selfish ere long obtaining the mastery of the current : as in a town carried by storm, how sublime soever may be the heroism, how glorious the self-sacrifice with which the troops mount the breach, the strife, if successful, is sure to terminate in the worst atrocities of pillage, rape, and conflagration. It is religion alone which, by opening said' « PORTFOLIO. 116 ice. *To c cause of leage, "to Id, damna- in of peace, lient suffer- ion of mil- ch the prin- Id not hesi- 00,000 men Br a frontier I contest be- in of its pre- uman race ? ' the maxims sts, ended in s arose from latest crimes >noftho sup- is for heresy, [ndividual ad- )lution, comes ill-regulated Is. For such rgrandisement )lently in mo- lelfish erglong rn carried by glorious the ,ch, the strife, [ties of pillage, th, by opening a scene of ambition beyond the grave, can provide a counterpoise to the overwhelming torrent of wordly ambition, which can render men nobly superior to all the storms of time, and find the same fidelity to a falling, which revolution secures to a rising, cause. Blair says: 'By degrees habit gives the passions strength, wliilc the habit of glaring guilt seemingly justifies them ; and, unaAvak- ened by remorse, the sinner proceeds in his course till he waxes bold in guilt and becomes ripe for ruin. We are imperceptibly betrayed from one licentious attachment, one criminal passion led on to another, till all self-government is lost, and we are hur- ried to destruction. In this manner every criminal passion In its progress swells and blackens till what was at ffrst a small cloud, no bigger than a man's hand, rising from the sea. is found to carry the tempest in its womb.' What is the career of the drunkard, the gamester or the sensualist, but an exemplification of the truth of this picture ? Exactly the same principle applies to nations. What is the history of the French revolution in all its stages, but an ex- emplification of this truth when applied to social passions?" '* It is time we should waive the subject," continued Ned, "and I will take up my portfolio, which, I find, commences for this even- ing on the subject of war." "I hope you did not forget to call at Harper's for my flute," said Tom. " No indeed," repliedNed, " here it is, and veryneatly repaired." " Oh! nevermind the flute," said Mrs. Turner; "we would rather hear Ned's portfolio." " Peggy," she continued addressing the maid, "you may get the coffiee ready." Whereupon Ned com- menced as follows : WARS. "And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks ; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more." "Since the fall of Adam to the present time, man's greatest enemy has been man. By forbidden self-indulgences, and by in- rii'iii 116 NED FENTON'S humanity to his fellows, his ambition, prido, covctoiisness, and re- venge under various guises, have led to dreadful wars, and the most cruel and barbarous tortures. By consulting sacred and profane his- tory, it Avill bo seen that a few verses or a page tell the tale of the slaughter of scores of thousands of human beings. When we con- sider the brevity of life, the flight of time, and the numerous wars that have desolated our world, it would seem to us as if they had only ceased from the beginning by flags of truce. A dreadful picture of the devastation of the human race by war, is given by Doctor Dick, in his Philosophy of Religion, chapter four, from which the following quotation is made : ' What a vast and horri- fic picture would be presented to the eye, could we take in at one view all the scenes of slaughter which have been realized in every period, in every nation, and among every tribe ! If we take into consideration, not only the number of those Avho have fallen on the field of battle, but those who have perished through the natu- ral consequences of war, by the famine and the pestilence which war has produced ; by disease, fatigue, terror, and melancholy, and by the oppression, injustice, and cruelty of savage con- querors, it will not, perhaps, be overrating the destruction of human life, if we affirm that one-tenth of the human race has been destroyed by the ravages of war ; and if this estimate be admitted, it will follow that more than fourteen thousand millions of human beings have been slaughtered in war since the beginning of the world, which is about eighteen times the number of inhabitants which at present exist on the globe; or, in other words, it is equivalent to the destruction of the inhabitants of eighteen worlds of the same population as ours, massacred, mangled, and cut to pieces by those who were partakers of the same common nature, as if they had been created merely for the work of destruction ! Language is destitute of words sufficiently strong to express the emotions of the mind, when it seriously contemplates the horrible scene. And how melancholy is it to reflect, that in the present PORTFOLIO. 117 ss, and re- id the most )rofiuic his- talc of the icn we con- iicrous wars if they had A dreadful is given by ■ four, from it and horri- ke in at one zed in every we take into ive fallen on itrh the natu- tilence which melancholy, savage con- struction of ■ace has been be admitted, ins of human |inning of the |f inhabitants words, it is ;hteen worlds and cut to imon nature, destruction ! lo express the the horrible the present age, which b^yasts of its improvements in iscience, in civilization, and in religion, neither reason, nor benevolence, nor hum'anity, nor Christianity, has yet availed to arrest the progress of destroy- ing armies, and to set a mark of ignominy on " the people who delight in war!" the last and most terrible of which is the present American Revolution, fi-om its fratricidal internicine nature ; but all the wars which have hitherto desolated our land, and all the consequences following in their train, are as nothing when com- pared with the wretchedness and misery caused by forbidden self- indulgences. The present and everlasting joy of all rational beings has been, and is the design of the Almighty, anomalous though it may appear to some people, who may think his gifts are not equally distributed among his creatures. The happiness which we may imagine to be found among the rich is much alloyed by cares, anxieties and passions, and the apparent unhappiness of the poor is moderated by moral and domestic comforts. " Are nqt my ways equal and your ways unequal?" saith the Lord. This world should be a paradise, or stand-point, in view or anticipation of a world of never-ending felicity ; hence the Apostle says : " Re- joico evermore," — "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice," — " That believing ye might rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory," — " But rather rejoice that your names are writ- ten in the Lamb's book of life," says our Redeemer. It is there- fore perfectly clear that any misery or suflFering we wilfully bring on ourselves, whether by sinful self-indulgences, or by mistaken religious notions. Counteracts the design of our Heavenly Father ; and any agency or instrumentality which is organized for the ame- lioration of the human family must be in accordance with His will. What a happy world this will be when the prophecy above quoted shall be fulfilled ! As a nation, Britain has taken noble strides I for the renovation of mankind: by the emancipation of her slaves; by the dissemination of the Word of God ; by a liberal and tolerant Oovernment; by her neutrality in the late Italian and American 9 i ! •i 118 NED FENTON'S wars, and by her fostering care of scientific, commercial, and phi- lanthropic institutions, &c. Civilization and freedom all the world over, is her motto. Her sympathies are large enough, and her strength great enough to afford a home to all who need protection. The nations that are following her example are making rapid strides in art, science, commerce, and civili- zation ; these things will appear perfectly conclusive by a comparison of the present times with the past of fifty years ago, and ffive brigrht hopes of the future. But however civilized and exalted a nation may become, as long as neighboring nations lag behind and keep up a warlike position, standing armies must be maintained for defence in the event of invasion ; and so it is with communities and families in the neighborhood of which lawless and dishonest people reside: police watchmen, firearms, locks, &c., are indispensably requisite for protection of property ; each indi- vidual is obliged to protect himself against his enemies, especially against " the law in his members warring against the law in his mind, and bringing him into captivity to the law of sin and death;" in other words, his besetting sins, none of which is fraught with such dreadful results as the indulgence in intoxicating liquors, the effects of which have been so often elaborately portrayed, that it is not necessary to resume the painful topic here, beyond this, that if war has slain its thousands, ardent spirits has slain its ten thousands.' A TERRIBLE ENEMY. " A devastating enemy, which is committing daily ravages, is quartered on our citizens by authority, and we are indirectly taxed for the repairs of the breaches he makes, the property he destroys, and the suffering and hardship he causes within our lines. To prevent his incursions and drive him from the field, volunteer companies, leagues, and various strategic companies have been raised, whose division-rooms were designed as rallying PORTFOLIO. U9 , and phi- m all the ;e enough, who need ample are and civili- Lsive by a years ago, ivilized and nations lag ies must be so it is with rhich lawless s, locks, &c., J ; each indi- es, especially lc law in his and death ; fraught with ig liquors, the ■ayed, that it beyond this, slain its ten ly ravages, is Eire indirectly . property he L within our from the field, ^ic companies fed as rallying points, or * cities of refuge,' not for the man slayer, but for refugees from him — as arsenals or magazines for serving out ammunition to make war against, and captures from, the enemy, recruiting depots for drilling and equipping for the campaign, and for bringing in reinforcements each week from a universal enemy, who is acting on the offensive in all 'positions, who marched his forces into our country, and after tampering with our soldiers and citizens by false representations, and luring many of them into his bivoiiacks, guard-houses, dangerous defiles, and utterly defence- less positions, mercilessly robbed them of their arms, ammunition and regimental necessaries ; he also took several prisoners, without reference to age, rank or profession : — some he dragged out of the pulpit — some from their stores and desks — others from the Bench, the bar and the legislature, and from all trades ; he has also had the hardihood to enter into the domestic circle and drag away the affectionate husband and father, the mother, and sometimes the children, in view of their afflicted families, all of whom he kept in chains and slavery, and put to cruel and lingering tortures, l^y hunger and thirst, by cold, nakedness and disease, in presence of their husbands, fathers, mothers, wives and children, by which thousands languished and died, leaving widows and orphans desti- I tute, and a burden to philanthropists. He has also by his guer- illas and predatory hordes, and various other unprincipled agents, [established recruiting depots within our lines, made raids into our Icountry, and plundered our farmers of their grain, and pressed themselves and their horses and waggons into his service to trans- sort it into our cities, and induced and compelled our citizens to :lcstro)r and manufacture it into fiery liquor poisons, which he lade them drink to the very dregs, from the effects of which they [cted like maniacs, demolished their houses, furniture and impls- lents of trade, neglected their families, lost their health, property, Bputation, and prospect of future happiness, — and while assaulting id murdering each other, he caused them to be arrested by police '& m 1 1 120 KED FENTON'S and immured in dungeons, some confined to hard labor, others transported and hanged, and others to fall victims to r deter from thel be trampled un-" ,n would become| be turned into ^d could a person bchanalian orgieJ to his view, whaj y an appalling and hideous spectacle ! and what must all the cities and places in the world where such an enemy is indulged in, pre- sent to the view of the Almighty, whose omniscient eye pierces into the secret purposes of every heart ? Who will say after such reflection, that our heavenly Father is not long-suffering and slow to anger ? An enemy who inveigles people by smiles and uproar- ious mirth, and leaves them in despair with bleeding hearts, in view of the grim visage, and almost within the grasp of the king of terrors, on the confines of perdition, must be the prime minister and commander of the forces to his Satanic majesty. " If we wish for the extinction of the aborigines of Canada, the shortest way to get rid of them would be to grant licenses to wretches falsely called Christians to sell them alcoholic liquors. " Several large volumes would ber equired to recount his treach- erous aCwS, one of which may suffice as a specimen. He once en- tered a splendid banquet where one thousand lords made merry, and sacreligeously drank wine with their king, out of the golden vessels of the temple, and that same night the city was taken by the Persians and the king slain. " Belshazzar is Kinf; I Belshazzar is Lord I An<1 a thousaml dark nobles all bend at his board, Fruits glisten, flowers blossom, meats steam, and a flood Of I he wine that man loveth runs redder than blood; Wild dancers are there, and a riot of mirth, And the beauty that maddens the passions of earth; And the ciowdr all shout, till the vast roofs ring: 'AH praise to BeUhazzar, Belshazzar the King 1 ' " ' Bring forth,' cr'es the monarch. ' the vpfl?els of geld vv nicb my tatber tore down from the temples of old ; Bring forth, and we'll drink, while the trumpets are bloirn To the eods of bright silver, of gold, and of stone ; Bring forth 1' and before him the vfssels xll shine, And he bows unto Baal, and he drinks tne dark wine ; "While the trumpets bray, and the cymbols ring — ' Piaise, praise to Belshazzar, BeUhazzar the King ! ' ♦ I,* I I i /' 13S NBD MKtOir'8 « jVow what Cometh ? — ^look, look I— withoat menace, or call I Who writes, with the lightning's bright hand on the wall? What pierceth the King, like the point of a dart ? What drires the bold blood from his cheek to his heart? ' Chaldeans 1 Magicians I the letters expound 1' They are read — and Belsbazzar is dead on the ground I Hark I the Persian is come on a conqueror's wing ; And a Mede's on the throne of Belshazzor the King." HOW TO CONQUER THE ENEMY. " On the field of battle, the most successful mode of warfare is to face the enemy boldly, and charge, and pitch into him furiously, as at Waterloo, when Wellington shouted : ' Up guards, and at them !' To run away would be cowardice of the basest nature, but to encounter and subdue the enemy we have been describing, the tactics of warfare must be reversed ; the greatest heroes are those that run away from the battle-field as fast as their legs can carry them, while it would betray weakness, imbecility, and cow- ardice to confront him. All those who ever attempted to charge him were put hon de combat, while those who ran away came off conquering heroes, not one of whom was ever known to get a shot in the rear. ALCOHOLIC LIQUORS. " It is admitted that Alcohol is the principal ingredient in giving good as well as bad liquors their intoxicating effect, and it is for this effect, more or less, they are drank. Some very inno- cent, moderate drinkers, however, will tell us that they never drink liquors for their intoxicating qualities, nor would they, under any circumalauuea, get inebriated in the slightest degree. This is a fallacy : if they do not drink them for their stimulating ef- fect, they would not drink them at all. A person may be sick by a very slight cold, or by a typhus fever. Only extract the alco- hol from the best liquors, and you leave a liquor which no animal would drink. It has been truthfully remarked that a person who # z' POETVOLIO. 128 call I ?aU? t? U warfare is to [m furiously, ards, and at asest nature, n describing, jst heroes are their legs can ity, and cow- ted to charge iway came off I to get a shot lient in giving feet, and it is te very inno- tt they never lid they, under Ua(»rPP This I— -o itimulating ef- lay he sick by ;ract the alco- ich no animal a person who has been a habitual drinker of the best liquors will drink the worst sooner than do without any. " We are informed that ' the heart of man is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked ;' that ' out of the heart proceed evil thoughts," &c. That this is the state of every heart unre- newed by grace, needs no doctor of divinity to prove. Would not the most of us stand abashed, and ready to put an end to our own existence, if we were aware that the public knew all our sin- ful thoughts? And yet. because some give expression to their sinful thoughts, we stare at them in pious amazement, and call them wicked, &c. ! The heart of every sinner is like a pot full of water boiling on a fire : as long as it does not boil over, it makes no noise by coming in contact with the fire ; but when it boils over, it empties itself of part of its contents ; and the devil, who may be compared to the servant in the kitchen, takes his ladle and fills it up again, and plies his various fires to bring it to the boiling point again. With some a slow fire will do to keep up the boil, until the ' mea- sure of their iniquity is full ;' others he regulates by more inflam- mable matter, as ^ fiery liquor poisons,^ which, when thrown in, is sure to cause a boiling over, and a great noise, expres- sions given to sinful thoughts, secrets betrayed, the passions excited, and the arm nerved for all sorts of wickedness, some- times to the very bursting of the human vessel, and that of others coming in contact with it. It needs no refined process of reasoning to show that they only are safe who ' touch not, taste not, handle not ' intoxicating liquors. " ' The love of money is the root of all evil,' is an inspired maxim, the truth of which has never been questioned by the most scepti- cal, and the most reckless and cruel mode of acquiring it is by the traffic in intoxicating liquors, which is the surest and most effectual method of piercing people through ' with many sorrows,' and * drown men in destruction and perdition.' " The highwayman would not put his victim to a lingering torture i' I \x \ '# 124 NED FENTON 9 by putting liquor poisons into his system to deliver him of his money : better to put a ball through a man at once than keep his friends in painful anguish while looking at him being slowly tor- tured to death by the liquor dealer. To give an illustration of the deceit practised on the liquor-drinking public : I went into the cellar of a wholesale liquor dealer in Toronto, and saw a row of barrels, four of which the owner pointed out as containing brandy, and numbered respectively, 1, 2, 3, and 4. While I was there, a country tavern-keeper came to purchase brandy ; the owner was all politeness and attention, as a business man should be, and commenced by brightening up a wine glass, and giving the stranger a taste out of No. 4, which he said was only seventy-five cents a gallon, a tolerably good article, and very cheap. When the custo- mer tasted it, he said he would like something better, and was given a little out of No. 3, which he was informed was a decidedly good brandy, and exceedingly cheap at $1.25 a gallon. The man after holding it up in the wine glass and looking at it between him and the light, tasting it, smacking his lips, and looking grave, said it was a much better article than No. 4, but he would like something better still; whereupon, the owner wiped the glass with a towel and drew a little out of No. 2, which he said was a really good article, commanded a ready sale at $2 a gallon, and that he had disposed of several barrels of it during the past eight days; 'but here,' said he, as he gave him a taste out of No. 1, 'id a superior article, very strong, full bodied, and deliciously flav- ored ; I would strongly recommend it to you, and hope you will take a few gallons, at least, by way of trial, and I have no doubt you will give me an order for more : ii, !-> only $2.50 a gallon, but we allow ten per cent, for cash, which leaves us a mere shade of profit, which would never pay were it not for the immense quan- tity we dispose of.' The man tasted, smacked, looked like acon- noiseur, said it was pretty fair, and ultimately decided on taking ten gallons of No. 4 and ten of No. 3 ; the latter, he said, would (( cotic, refer( since, from PORTFOLIO. 126 him of Ilia in keep his slowly tor- istration of went into saw a row containing While I was j; the owner ould be, and the stranger ■-five cents a sn the custo- er, and was 3 a decidedly on. The man t it between and looking but he would ped the glass e said was a gallon, and he past eight of No. 1, ' i=» iciously flav- iope you will lave no doubt a gallon, but lere shade of nmense quan- edlike a con- Jed on taking le said, would suit his customers when half drunk as well as No. 1 ; that it would be a pity to give good liquor to people not capable of ap- preciating it. When he took his leave, the owner addressing me, said: 'Now, sir, strange as it may appear to you, I assure you the brandy in those four barrels, from two of which I have just sold twenty gallons to that man just gone out, is all the same, and made with Upper Canada whisky, at thirty cents a gallon. There is not a particle of difference in the cost to me ; it is true there is a little more colouring and flavouring ingredients in one than the other, but that is all ; the prime cost of all is thirty-five cents a gallon. That man will put a considerable quantity of water in it, and then sell it all at an average of six cents a glass, and allow- ing about one hundred glasses to the gallon, including water, he will have a pretty fair profit.' The owner also gave me an inkling of the ingredients used in the preparation of the said brandy, and I left the cellar with a very unfavorable impression of the moral principles of men who, in view of the golden rule, and an everlasting future, could engage in such a nefarious tra£Sc, and wondering how a dealer in intoxicating liquors could ask the Almighty to prosper the work of his hands. " It is well known that the supply of grapes is not sufficient for the demand of wines, but the demand is satisfied, grapes or no grapes, and would be satisfied irrespective of a total failure of the grape crop. What wonderful catering and compounding and chemistry in pandering to extravagant appetites, and bombast and blarney to polish off" and palm on the community alcoholic, nar- cotic, drug and dye-stuff" mixtures under the name of wines ! In reference to this subject a friend handed me a letter, a short time since, with liberty to use it and its enclosure. Here is an extract from the letter : * Balruthery August the 2th 1862. * Dear Mr. Smith * ' In anser to yer letther of the 4teen which i resaved last li ■i i \// 126 KBD VENTON'a night I sind you inclosed a printed serkilar about the licker, and if yer in the dhrinkin line, ye can let me know and sind me an ordher, and I will go to Dublin on resate of it an' get it sent, but the prices are mighty high intirely ; it bates Banagher how they can manafacther whiskey in upper Kanady for 18 pince a gallon an' money so plinty there. I'm tould they dhrink a power of it, an it's no wondher for its dog chape, but they say it makes people as wake as wather gruel in the hot summer saison, and makes them thrimble like a dog in a wet saok in the cowld winther, and that it is mortial desateful an gives people favors and delayrium thraymors an all other diseases, not like the rale ould Irish malt, that puts spunk and divarshin into people. Time was whin we could have a night's sport an a regular jiahoolah wud a few nay- bors, an sorra matther how much a man woud dhrink, or how late he'd sit up, a hare iv the dog that bit him next mornin just to clear the cobwebs out of his throath would be the gratest thrate he could get, an sthraten him all right agin, as fresh as a daisy ; but its sorry I am its not so now, the confounded goverment is bound to keep down the poor Irish by hook or by crook,- they have put sich a wayty duty on the whishky that a gallon costs 18 shillins irish money, twice the price it was a while agon, which is all as one as keepin the poor from lippin it at all at all, a man can't wet his whistle now let alone dhrownd his shamroke, an signs an it, last Pathrick's day was paceable enough to dhrive people to despair, purshuin to the man was seen wud the sign ov a glass on him from mornin to night the whole day, and ye might as well thry to get holy wather in an orange lodge as a dhrop ov potueen now people's so watched by a set of mane snakes of peelers, so we're obliged to put up wud durty spoothrach of beer and burned black porther enough to give a man the dissenthary or the collick as bad as if he was afther aiten cale stocks an cowld wather, howiver we're livin in hopes ov betther times, but I fear I'me taisin you with my wayrisome thraytise — the misses had a PORTrOLIO. 12T licker, and Bind me an it sent, but ir how they ace a gallon power of it, lakes people and makes rinther, and d delayrium I Irish malt, as whin we i a few nay- , or how late »rnin just to ratest thrate L as a daisy ; roverment is r crook,' they on costs 18 ;on, which is t all, a man lamroke, an to dhrive 1 the sign ov md ye might ,s a dhrop ov ae snakes of irach of beer dissenthary cks an cowld but I fear aisses had a sayrious dhramo about yez all last night which med us all onaisy. If times does'nt mend soon I'de be no way squamish about lavin this place an goin to amerikay — give our love to the misthress an the childher, it would bo a grate thrate to see their plaisin faces wanst more, let us know if you'd advise us to go, an what we ought to bring that would be shutable to the counthry. ' I remain your humble sarvint ' Peter McCabb. ' N.B. — Have you any paycocks in Kanady, I'me tould tabaky's very chape. How is markets in gineral. ' To Misther Stephen Smith, ' Toranto, upper Kenneday, America.' PRICES OF WINES. " The following is an extract from the enclosure of three closely pririted pages of foolscap ; the prices I have changed from sterling to dollars : — In Ports — We hold largely of this wine, and the qualities are well supported ; we can speak highly of them. In Sherries — This favorite wine has had our greatest solicitude in its various grades and colors, not to speak of its first qualities. In Clarets — We have good reserves, and consider our selections would justify even boasting, did we resort to it. In Burgundies — These wines have received a stimulus in consump- tion from the recent tariff ; tliey are good, sound, and full bodied. In Champagnes — We wish to speak specially of our extra quality. This wine has never, perhaps, before been shipped, and we assert that it will require self denial not to drink it ; we praise it without any qualification ; it is a little dear, but it is worth paying for. In Moselles and Hocks — Our sparkling Muscatel Moselle is the leading wine, and most delicious ; it is universally liked. Of these wines we can only say that they will do us justice. In Madeira — Our shipments have been greatly praised, and we can guarantee continuance of same quality. 1 I m^ I 1 128 NED FENTON'S * In Brandies — We ship a most superior quality, our stock is both old and extensive, and we believe we rival the first shippers in this article. ' For your guidance and information we mention here that a vast quantity of wino is adulterated^ and made up for export trade^ which can bo sold somewhat lower than we can afford to sell pure and genuine wines, even at our low prices. Still we are not afraid; good wines will make their way when fairly put forward. If we cannot meet in price we are superior in eimlity, and we can truly say we do not desire such business. Thof p parties, nevertheless, are injurious to the fair trader, and bring odium on merchants generally, Avithout distinction. We have now large stocks of sparkling Ilocks and Moselle at Mayence and Coblentz, of Cham- pagne at Reims, and a reserve of Clarets at Bordeaux, to draw on as required, while we have purchased largely of old Brandies, and an immense supply of Sherries and Ports. We have left nothing undone to maintain our character and the reputation we have gained, so far as fine selections, knowledge of our business, and prudence in carrying it on, &c. There is one point of importance to allude to, and which we ask to be borne in mind, i. e., for the future we would rather our sparkling wines were not iced ; we are of opinion that they will open and drink better without being so. We wish their flavor and effervescence not to be at all injured. We are gratified and thankful to say that the support we hare received perhaps is unprecedented, and the success we have achieved most encouraging We admit no ideal restrictions ; we buy in the cheapest and best markets, and are satisfied that our selections and shipments will continue to give us that credit and extension which we seek. We arc prepared for competition ; we solicit a trial from those who have not yet favored us with their orders, and confidently abide the issue. In fact the praise bestowed on us might be thought extravagant, did we not take much trouble to merit it. ■-. . POBTFOLIO. 129 )ur stock is rat shippers e that a vast xport tradty to sell pure e not afraid; (yard. If we we can truly nevertheless, )n merchants ge stocks of itz, of Cham- aux, to draw old Brandies, We have left feputation we our business, which we ask d rather oar hat they will leir flavor and )port we have have achieved we buy in the our selections and extension we solicit a 1 their orders, )e8towed on us uch trouble to FBIOES. Per dozen. Port — Good, old, very select, incomparable at the price $ 7 to do Ne plus ultra, very mild, a splendid old wine 10 to Sherry, — Dinner, very nice, amber or light colored, useful, and universally liked G^ to do Luncheon, golden, excellent, pale, amber, brown, highly approved of and greatly praised 7 J to 9 do Superior, pale, dry, and highly flavored, per- fect in style and quality, needs no comment... OJ to Claret, — Good sound wine, wonderful and not overrated 6 to do Recommended strongly, this wine is faultless and celebrated 7^ to do Special growths, very full bodied, nearly equal to 1st 10 to 12 do 1st growth, magnificent creamy wine 15 to Madeira, — Old, carefully selected, with body and flavor,. 13 to Oalcavella, — A pleasant sweet wine 9 to Manzanilla, — Peculiarly dry, but a good stomachic 9 to Pale Amontillado Sherry, — Very dry, pure, highest class wine 10| to Lisbon, — Dry and sweet ?J to Constantia, — A delicious sweet wine 10 to Champagne, — Sparkling, finest, extra quality, par excellence superb 17 tn do Sparkling, 1st quality, a very superior wine 16 to do Eminently pleasing wine 14 to Burgundy, — Red, superb 19 to do Sparkling, finest, a decidedly elegant wine 14^ to do Good vintage 15 to M .,'.« ;* 180 NED FEKTON'S Hock Still, — A really good wine ^ 8 to 9 do Johannisbcrg, very oM wine, Prince Meter- nich estate 18 to 25 do Steinberg, — The Duke of Nassau's 30 to do Sparkling, 1st quality, our competitive very good wine 16 to do A most delicious wine 15 to do Ddjefiner wine 12 to Sauterne, — A favorable French wine 9 to 15 Moselle, Muscatel, Still, — A remarkably nice wine 9 to do Sparkling, finest, our standard brand un- rivalled 16 to do An exceedingly beautiful wine 14 to Tawney Old Port, — Very nice, a connoisseur's wine. 11 to Muscatel Brown Sherry, — A mellow wine with great aroma 11 to The Queen's Pale Sherry, — Amber, very old 16 to do Brown, a solero wine 16 to The Royal Champagne, by Letters Patent 20 to The Queen of Spain's Sherry, — Pale and dry, well selected 11 to Brandy, Cognac, — Superior, old, finest imported, the greatest approbation expressed, and not to be excelled 10 to do Good old Cognac, very generally admired.. 9 to Holland's Scheidam, best 6 to Whisky, old Irish, and old Scotch Islay 7 to Cognac Liquere, — Curious from age, and with much flavor 16 to Old Tom 6 to Jamaica Rum 7 to « Of more than twelve flourishing testimonials from military own; PORTFOLIO. 131 8 to 9 L8 to 25 UO to 16 to 15 to 12 to 9 to 15 9 to 16 to 14 to 11 to 11 to 16 to 16 to 20 to 11 to 10 to 9 to 6 to 7 to 16 to 6 to 7 to 'om military ofl5cor<5 and others in favor of those liquors, and ordering further supplies, three are from lord Bishops, each bearing the sign of the mitre. Charity, however, leads us to the conclusion that tlicy are *not given to much wine.' The example, however, is injurious: if a lord bishop may drink rich liquors, why not the poor members of his flock drink poor liquors ? DEMORALISING LIQUORS. *' A short time since I obtained from a tavern a list of names of liquors, neatly printed on a card, and after reading thera over, I leave you to reflect on the character of the human beings Avho descend to such nefarious avocations, and the disreputable portion of mankind who support them in it. Here they are : — Ardent drops ; arrack punch ; animalcula destroyer ; bitttjrs, brandy and water; brandy, hot; brandy smash; blue bottle; Balaklava; Bull' ; Run punch; Billy Barlow's punch ; Cork tonics ; creature comforts ; ci'eam of the joke ; Dixie's smash; egg nogg; egg flip ; eye opener ; gin narrative ; gin sling ; gum tickler ; Garibaldi's charge; half and half; hail stones; hookers; hot pearl; hot Scotch; jockey on the track ; lightning flashes ; moral suasion; Morton's toddy; mint julips; mulled beer; mulled port ; old Tom, hot ; pick me up ; Peruvian renovator ; physical force ; portaree ; ponybrandy ; poor man's punch ; race horse ; rum swizzle ; rambro shambro ; smashers ; stone fences ; Sara's own; scaltheen; sherry coblers ; soda cocktails; soldiers' bumpers; Tom and Jerry ; thunderbolts ; Upper Canada ; vox populi ; Vir- ginia fancy ; wine sangaree ; whisky cocktail, &c., &c. UTILITY OF TEMPERANCE SOCIETIES. " Those who have seen some hard service, and experiencffed severe Bonflicts in the service of alcohol, are rejoiced to meet face to face in properly conducted temperance society meetings, for rcci- jrocity of feeling, purpose and action, for mutual congratulation f ■I it 132 NED TENTON'S If' on the progress they have made by their influence in their respec- tive neighbourhoods, the benefits they enjoy, and the encourage- ments they receive from officers and others, who never entered the service of the enemy. The very sight of faithful friends, of congenial sentiments and of similar pursuits, adds strength to their zeal, and stimulates them in their laudable efforts to enlist others to serve against the common enemy, and this prov^es the truth of my caption. It is truly said that every improvement in society is brought about by exertion, and by the diligent use of those means which are best calculated to promote the end intended. To ensure success, temperance societies should embrace some- thing like mechanics' institutes, or athensems, by which rational information would be diffused which would tend to elevate and enoble the mind, and induce a taste for intellectual pleasures and enjoyments, in which those hours generally spent in listlessness and foolish amusements might be profitably employed. An eminent writer in speaking of a society of this kind, says : * As vice is the natural offspring of ignorance, so true virtue can only flow from elevated and enlightened principles ; and where such principles exist, their operation in a greater or less degree will always appear. The habits of order, punctuality and politeness which would prevail in such associations, would naturally be carried into the other departments of life, and produce their corresponding effect. The frequent intercourse of men of different parties and professions, associated for the purpose of promoting one common object, would gradually vanquish those mutual prejudices and jealousies which too frequently exist, and a liberal, candid and humane spirit would be cherished and promoted.* " There should be periodical musical concerts, philosophical and chemical experiments, panoramas of ancient and modern cities and buildings, and other interesting scenes from art and nature, camera obscuras, &c., accompanied by proper delineations and appropriate music ; the best maps should be on the walls, the best POBTFOLIO. 138 their respec- e encourage- 3vei- entered ul friends, of strength to 'orts to enlist 3 prov^es the provement in iligent use of end intended, mhrace some- rhich rational to elevate and pleasures and in listlessncss I. An eminent As vice is the )nly flow from ich principles B will always iteness which be carried into corresponding nt parties and or one common trejudices and il, candid and losophical and modern cities ,rt and nature, ineations and walls, the best periodicals on the tables, and, above all, an efficient library — and there should be debates on historical, scientific and other moral subjects, and the reading of papers on political economy, progress of commerce, moral and natural philosophy, the rise and fall of nations, great men and their times, geology, astronomy, agricul- ture, mechanism, printing and its effects, temperance, common sense, and various other subjects. The services of public lecturers on other subjects as well as temperance might be secured occasion- ally, and an efficient orchestra ought to be supported. The fees or dues might be regulated by a maximum, middle, and minimum, to suit all ranks. By such moral, social and intellectual enjoy- ments, and the tone and character they would give, our societies would be promoted to an extent far beyond what has ever yet been realised. And this is no utopean idea : if a few have been benefitted by such a. course, why not multitudes ? simply because the requisite means have not been employed. Men actuated by selfishness and contracted views of enjoyment have been unwilling to give scope to the benevolent affections, and our youth, prone to frivolous society, are left to fritter away their precious evenings in puerile and questionable amusements and gew gaw ceremonies, which should give place to pursuits of knowledge. To advance the cause of total abstinence among all classes and persuasions of the community by the proceedings adopted by some of our temper- ance organisations, is just about as calculating and clear-sighted as trying to light up a magnificent church, capable of accomoda- ting six thousand hearers, with a farthing candle. In a city of sixty thousand inhabitants, it is no over estimate to say there should be, at least, four temperance divisions, each composed of three hundred regularly attending members. ADVANTAGES OF TOTAL ABSTINENCE TO YOUTH. " Young men in the bloom and vigor of youth, who feel confident that they never will become drunkards, should bear in mind that 10 1S4 NBD TBNION'S old drunkards were once sober young men, and were ignorant of the degradation in store for them by tampering with intoxicating liquors in their youth ; so young men are now ignorant of the pain and ignominy they may escape, and the highly respectable positions they may attain by a life of strict sobriety. '' It has been remarked that from the age of fifteen to the age of twenty-five is the most important period of human life ; and for want of proper instruction and direction during this period, and of rational objects to employ the attention at leisure hours, many a hopeful young man has been left to glide insensibly into the mire of vice and corruption, and to become a pest to his friends and to general society ; but were the mind in early life imbued with a relish for knowledge and mental enjoyments, it would tend to withdraw it from those degrading associations and pursuits which lead to debauchery and drunkenness, and all the miseries which inevitably follow in their train. <' Toung men ought to be proud of their position as members of temperance societies, which are impregnable bulwarks against most of the besetting sins which follow in the train of intemper- ance. What brighter and surer path can be chosen for the jour- ney of life than temperance, were it only for the example of our neighbors who are travelling with us to ' that bourne from whence no traveller returns?' It is the nature of vice to extend itself; no man liveth to himself ; every man exerts an influence for good or evil on his neighbor ; he acts and is acted upon by others. Young men will be accosted and prevailed upon by old fools, who are journeying in devious and crooked paths, to join them, but no al- lurement should entice them from the straight, forward path of temperance. A clever writer says : * The gaining of the young to. total abstinence from all intoxicating liquors would constitute the mighty fulcrum on which to plant that moral lever of power to raise a world of degradation. How the clouds would scatter, the prospects brighten, and the firmament of hope clear up, could the young be gained!' POBIFOLIO. 185 gnorant of itoxioating of the pain le positions ) the age of ;e ; and for riod, and of ars, many a ito the mire Lends and to ibued with a uld tend to ursuits -which [series which B members of arks against of intemper- for the jo»r- tample of our from whence extend itself; ence for good thers. Young 'ools, who are em, but no al- irward path of of the young mid constitute ever of power lid scatter, the up, could the ** Although we give the right hand of fellowship to all who have su£fered from the effects of strong liquors, and who evince a desire to abandon them, and will do all we can to reclaim drunkards, our main object is to save the young from the snares which surround them, that they may take an interest in, and become attached to, the meetings of our societies, grow with their growth, and strengthen with their strength, and, as good and useful citizens, cause them to flourish when ws are gone. ' Seize, seize, youth, the present hour ; Pluck it while yet the opening flower Is springing into bloom ; '■ Improve each moment as it flies : Consider well how soon it dies And withers in the tomb. REFORMED LIQUOR DRINKERS. " When a man who had been thirsty for, and socially and good- naturedly fond of his glass, becomes a teetotaller, he will require to exercise patience and self-denial ; but by regularly attending his society meetings, and taking a proper interest in them, he gradually gains strength, and alienates himself from liquor drink- ing companioils, and muddling pleasure parties he abandons at once ; his hom6 becomes to him the dearest spot in the world; his family, although they may bie in comparative adversity, are happy ; his little cherub children, heretofore exposed to bitter cold and perhaps hunger and other privations by his neglect, and with only a fretted mother's affection and sympathy to soothe and comfort them by expressions of hope for biatter diays, are now his * joy and crown of rejoicing.' On his return from his daily avocation he mdets them with smiles of joy, and they climb on his knees, and show him the warm little socks and frocks, &o., their mother madie, and the niew shoes and caps their papa bought for them, T^hile tears of joy chase each other down the mother's cheeks. His health and honor are established, and he becomes attached to real friends. Gratitude to the * CUvei' of every perfect gift ' svella li I I- 186 NED FENTON S his bosom, and each Sabbath finds him, with his family, clean and orderly at church. Thus the temperance society is as a stepping stone to the narrow path that leads to everlasting life — to the enjoyment of the ' peace that passeth understanding.' With what heartfelt joy he contrasts his happy position with that when he was looked upon as a 'right good fellow/ in the murkey groggery, redolent with the fumes of liquor and tobacco smoke ; where the money so much required for the food and raiment of his family went to the grogseller ; when, at late hours, while his wife and children lay weeping in their cold beds, he sung and chorused the drunkard's song thus : < Landlords fill your flowing bowls, 'Till they do run over: For to-night we'll merry be, To>morrow we'll get sober,' &c.' "■' . . ■ ■;■••. ■" - I---- ' '■' -- i ' A SAVING SOCIETY. " While other societies are expensive in their working by para- phernalia, trinkets, contributions for presents, liquors, dinners, suppers, losses of time, &c., temperance societies are empha- tically saving societies. There is no time lost by social evening liquor parties; no clubbing for liquorizing emergency meetings nor processions ; no expense for baskets of champagne, nor any other wines, brandy, gin, rum, whisky, ale, nor any other com- pounds of an intoxicating nature on our sideboards, nor in our cel- lars ; no anxiety about the store to procure the best liquors from, or who brews the best beer, or who sells cheapest ; no panic about the budget of the Chancellor of the Exchequer with respect to increasing the duties on liquors ; no hangers on or leeching soakers to keep our families awake at late hours while imbibing at our expense ; no tavern bills nor treats at tavern bars ; no bleeding manfully for the liquor all round, in exorbitant hotels, at excur- sions ; no guzzling pic-nics, nor any other swizzles ; no expense PORTFOLIO. 137 , clean and a stepping fe— to the ig.' With , that when ;he murkey ceo smoke ; iment of his hile his wife md chorused :ing by para- ors, dinners, are empha- locial evening sncy meetings gne, nor any other com- lor in our eel- liquors from, ao panic about ith respect to eching soakers ibibing at our no bleeding )tels, at cxcur- 8 J no expense for repairs for damage to person or property by uproarious sprees ; no antibillioas pills, soda powders, nor doctor's bills for curing billious and other diseases caused by swallowing sickening liquors ; no scented compounds to act as an antidote against the respiratory odour prodi:C3d by the effervescence of double-distilled swill; no fear of a mtn'al getting so attached to the beer barrel in the cel- lar, and so infatuated by the stimulating quality of its contents, as to forget how to close the tap until the whole of the contents run over the floor ; no brewer's dun, with rubicund frontispiece and malt effluvia to accost us in the morning with his exorbitant beer account; no sharpening of the appetite before dinner, or raising the spirits up by pouring spirits down ; no pleasure of wine with the ladies ; no beclouded intellect with the last night's spree, to bewilder our business operations, and cause us loss and damage ; no fear of physicians, who are teetotallers, losing their practice and impoverishing their families by the worn out excuses of being out on sick calls, or sick themselves when messengers come for them to at- tend patients ; no fear of a client's case being jeopardized by his law- yer, while under the pretence of a severe billious attack, handing his brief and fee to a confrere who knows little or nothing about it ; no fear of a ministerial member, when the members are called in, voting on the opposition side, after getting expensively bewildered by treating his friends at the bar, — nor of a clerk neglecting his office by attending parties and giving parties himself, the liquor having been obtained on credit, with a meagre prospect of paying for it, and then getting doctors' certificates that he has influenza, and perhaps sending his wife to plead with his employers for time to get well, and at last getting dismissed, and his family left on the charity of friends, — nor of merchants' clerks making free with the cash to carry on the drunkenness and gambling ; no fear of a carpenter getting trembling nerves by last night's spree, and falling from the roof of a building, breaking his leg, 188 NBD FBNTOK'8 I i and getting laid iq) for several weeks, to the great loss and hard- ship of himself and his familj, — ^nor of a carter tumhling off his vehicle, or neglecting and half starving his faithful horse until he grows like a skeleton, and dies groaning for vengeance on his cruel master, — ^nor of a baker burning his batch of bread, while snoozing after his last night's dancing spree, — nor of a tailor get- ting so cross-eyed and shaky with the shears by the tightening-up of the previous evening, as to make a misfit and have the garment returned as a shopkeeper, — nor of a farmer selling his produce, and while elevatedy getting into the wrong shop and relieved of his money, to the great loss of his family ; v fear of any man getting into such a lofty and independent dtrain by the pressure of alco- holic steam as to coerce his wife ii, to dry g~ods, jewellery, and other stores, and make such foolish and expensive purchases as will set him half orazy next day, nor of boasting of his rich rela- tions and independent position, and giving orders on various accounts which he cannot recall, nor signing promissory notes which, were it not for sober witnesses, he would swear were for- geries ; no fear of a faithful and affectionate wife burning fuel and gas until past midnight, while expecting her husband to come home under a powerful head of steam from an antidilution club ; no fear of a rebuke from the pulpit for snoring, in church after a Saturday night's spree. THE PULPIT A^t> a?SB BAR.— CONGLtJSION. <' It has often been argued that the preaching of the Gospel and religious assemblies are sufficient to induce men to give up liquor drinking, and lead sober lives. To this one reply is sufficient : thousands of men have been breught into temperance societies, by which they have been made good and useful citizens, and fit for church fellowship, by the mutual encouragement of men banded together for one special- object, wid who, in all probability, would never have entered a place of worship, irrespective of temperance ■! i fOmiMLIO. 189 and hard- iing off his fse until be ance on his )read, while a tailor get- ghtening-up the garment [lis produce, slieved of his r man getting sure of alco- wellery, and purchases aa biis rich rela- s on various oissory notes ear were for- )urning fuel jband to come dilution club ; burch after a .tJSION. he Gospel and ive up liquor f is sufficient : mce societies, ;izens, and fit of men banded )ability, would of temperance societies. While some are dejBoient of decent clothing to appear in a church, others have not the slightest inclination to attend ; and suppose they did, church going is of little use to parties habituated to intemperance : until this great vioe be removed, preaching and exhortations from pulpits will be like ^ the morning cloud and the early dew.' By the removal of the besetting sin of intemperance, many a man has been placed on the preliminary path to everlast- ing life. * Wherever intemperance prevails,' says a writer, *a barrier is interposed to every attempt for raising man from the state of moral and intellectual degradation into which he has been sunk, and for irradiating his mind with substantial knowledge. As the human mind is continually in quest of happiness of one description or another, so multitudes of the young and inexperi- enced have been led to devote themselves to the pur .'uit of sensual pleasures as their chief and i^im&te object, because they have no conception of enjoyment f^om any other quarter, and are alto- gether ignorant of the required gratification which flows from intellectual pursuits. In the prosecution of knowledge the rational faculties are brought into exercise, and sharpened and invigorated ; and when reason begins to hold the ascendency over the desires and affections, there is less danger to be apprehended that the mind will ever be complete^ subjected to the control of the sensi- tive appetite of our nature.' " How important it is that all right-thinking men should give this subject their serious consideration ! They should attend our meetings regularly, and cultivate such a spirit of harmony, and introduce such topics as would cause all our members to feel such pleasure in the approach of each meeting as to dispense with small tea parties, casual visits to and from neighbors, many of whom say a great many things beside common sense ; a little fatigue or languor after the business of the day ; balls, theatres, mountebank exhibitions, rocking the cradle and amusiaog the little ones while mamma is on a visit, or doing a little ahopping, reading trashy pub- m 140 NED FENTON'S lications — the stormy evening, and many other lame excuses, and give all diligence to attend regularly. The first duty of a young member should be to bring a candidate to the society ; for this purpose, he should look around him in the ward or street where he resides, in his social and business gatherings, in his church and Sunday school, and other places, and there should be a spirit of emulation, and a sharp contest for every office, which is a sure sign of the prosperity of a society. The utmost decorum and politeness ought always to prevail in the meetings, and that respect paid to the chairman, or presiding officer, which his digni- fied position demands. By the adoption of, or improvement on, the foregoing suggestions, we would soon have a large acquisition of members to all our societies ; then the difficulty heretofore sen- sibly felt by the chairman in appointing committees from sergeant's guards, and the grounds of complaint of members who attend regularly for being placed too often on committees, would be removed, as he would be able to appoint efficient committees of energetic, willing members, who would promptly discharge the duties entrusted to them without question or delay. In the admis- sion of members, I do not advocate a promiscuous collection of questionable characters ; such a course would be disastrous to the society. Every candidate should be properly recommended, and if honest, no matter how low in poverty, he should be admitted: by guarding against the woithless and unprincipled, we may exclude many a diamond in the rough. The intrinsic dignity of man is far beyond our comprehension ; there is many a jewel whose casket may be formed of coarse materials and besmeared with mud, which, by the removal of one alloy, might turn out a precious jewel. So many men in degraded positions might, by the removal of intoxica- ting liquors, become highly respectable and useful members of society. It is beyond our comprehension to foresee the relative good which may be produced by indacing even one individual to become a teetotaller. The removal of the one great vice may remove PORTFOLIO. 141 jxcuses, and . of a young ty; for this street where s church and )e a spirit of ich is a sure decorum and igs, and that Lich his digni- )rovement on, ge acquisition leretofore sen- rom sergeant's rs who attend iecs, would be committees of discharge the In the admis- 8 collection of sastrous to the mended, and if B admitted: by e may exclude ;y of man is far 1 whose casket ith mud, which, jious jewel. So )val of intoxica- :ul members of isee the relative ;e individual to Ivice may remove all others which followed in its train. It is only by such efforts that we can look forward to the consummation of our brightest hopes : the dissolution of all orders and societies of temperance in consequence of the liquor traffic having become so disreputable and its customers so few, that it will not pay the few despicable characters engaged in it. Then shall * the wilderness and the solitary place be glad, and the desert shall rejoice and blossom as the 'rose.' " i^i"-* THE END.