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Lorsque Ie document est trop grand pour dtre reproduit en un seul ciich6, 11 est f ilmi d partir de Tangle sup6rieur gauche, de gauche A droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant Ie nombre d'images n^cessaire. Les diagrammes suivants lllustrent la mithrde. f erreta d to It le pelure. pon A n 1 2 3 32X 1 2 3 4 5 6 Lightj Llfej Health and Beauty. A < s\ LIGHT!; HEALTH LIGHT ON DARK CORNERS. A COMPLETE SEXUAL SCIENCE A GUIDE TO PURITyIp PHYSICAL MANHOOD. Advice to Maiden, Wife and Mother. LOVE. COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. BY Prof. B. G. JEFFERIS, M.D., Pm.D. CHICAGO, 11,1:,., AND J. h. NICHOI^, A.M. TWENTY-FIFTH EDITION Published by The J. L NICHOLS CO. Limited 182 Spadina Ave., Toronto, Canada To whom all communications must be addressed SOLD ONLY BY SUBSCRIPTION HQ3I DO Mend lllM the pnjadioe which olaime to be ylrtue.* LoBO Lmoir* ** When the Judgment's we«k« Vbepr^odioeie strong.*— Kanb z r X H z H I m o 30 r o 0) ■n > 3 M Knowledge is Safety. % Me ttumbleth not, because he eeeth the Light. ''Search Me, Oh Thou Great Creator. ft Knowledge is Safety, 1. The old maxim, that "Knowledge is power," is a true one, but there is still a greater truth : "Knowledge is Safety." Safety amid physical ills that beset mankind, and safety amid the moral pitfalls that surround so manv young people, is the great crying demand of the age. 4 Knowledge is Safety* Ti, Criticism.— While the aim of this work, though novol and to some extent is daring, it is chaste, practical and to the point, and will be a boon and a blessin^^ to thousands who consult its pages. The world is full of ignorance; and the ignorant will always criticise, because they live to suffer ills, for they know no better. New light is fast falling upon the dark corners, and the eyes of many are being opened. 3. Researches of Science.— The researches of science in the past few years have throwr. light on many facts relat- ing to the physiologv of man and woman, and the diseases to which they are subject, and consequently many reforma- tions have taken place in the treatment and prevention of diseases peculiar to the sexes. 4. Locic and Key.— Any information bearing upon the diseases of mankind should not be kept under lock and key. The physician is frequently called upon to speak in f>lain language to his patients upon some private and start* ing disease contracted on account of ienorance. The bet- ter plan, however, is to so educate and enlighten old and young upon the important subjects of health, so that the necessity 'to call a physician may occur less frequently. 5. Progression,— A la^-ge, respectable, though diminish- ing class in every comr.iunity, maintain that nothing that re- lates exclusively to either sex should become the subject of popular medical instruction. But such an opinion is rad- ically wrong ; ignorance is no more the mother of purity than it is of religion. Enlightenment can never work in- justice to him who investigates. 6. An Example. —The men and women who study and practice medicine are not the worse, but the better for such knowledge ; so it would be to the communitv in general if all would be properly instructed on the laws of health which relate to the. sexes. 7. Grime and Degradation.-— Had every person a sound understanding on the relation of the sexes, one of the most fertile sources of crime and degradation would be removed. Physicians know too well what sad consequences are con» si .ntly occurring from a lack of proper knowledge on these 11 iportant subjects. 8. A Consistent Consideration.— Let the reader of this work study its pages carefully and be able to give safe counsel and advice to others, and remember that purity of purpose and purity of character are the brightest jewels in the crown of immortality. Thi Beginning of Life, Beginning Right. The Beginning of Life. I. Vhe Beginning^* — There is a charm in opening man* hood which has commended itself to the imagination in '^every age. The undefined hopes and promises of the future 7-Uie dawning strength of intellect — the vigorous flow of pas- sion-rthe very exchange of home ties and protected joys for free and manly pleasures, give to this period an interest and '.excitement unfelt, perhaps, at any other. 6 The Beginning of Life* 2. The Growth of Iiidopendence.— Hitherto life has beeh to boys, as to girls, a dependent existence— a sucker from the parent growth— a home discipline of authority and guid- ance and communicated impulse. Hut henceforth it is a transplanted growth of its own — a new and free power of activity in which the mainspring is no longer autnority or law from without, but principle or opinion within. The shoot which has been nourished under the shelter of the ftarent stem, and bent according to its inclination, is trans- erred to the open world, where of its own impulse and character it must take root, and grow into strength, or sink into weakness and vice. 3. Home Ties. — The thought of home must excite a pang even in the first moments of freedom. Its glad shelter — its kindly guidance — its very restraints, how dear and tender must they seem in parting ! How brightly must they shine in the retrospect as the youth turns from them to the hard- ened and unfamiliar face of the world ! With what a sweet, sadly-cheering pathos they must linger in the memory ! And then what chance and hazard is there in his newly-got- ten freedom ! What instincts of warning in its very novelty and dim inexperience ! What possibilities of failure as well as of success in the unknown future as it stretches before him ! 4. Vice or Virtue.— Certainly there is a grave importance as well as a pleasant charm in the beginning of life. There is awe as well as excitement in it when rightly viewed. The possibilities that lie in it of noble or ignoble work— of happy self-sacrifice or ruinous self-indulgence — the capacities in the right use of which it may rise to heights ot beautiful virtue, in the abuse of which it may sink to the depths of debasing vice— make the crisis one of fear as well as of hope, oisadness as well as of joy. 5. Success or Failure. — It is wistful as well as pieasing to thmk of the young passing year by year into the world, and engaging with its duties, its interests, and temptations. Of the throng that struggle at the gates of entrance, how many may reach their anticipated goal? Carry the mind forward a few years, and some have climbed the hills of difficulty and gained the eminence on which they wished to stand — some, although they may not have done this, have kept their truth unhurt, their integrity unspoiled; but others have turned back, or have perished by the way, or fallen in weak- ness of will, no more to rise again; victims or their '^wn sin. 6. Warning. — As we place ourselves with the young a'( the opening fates of lite, and think of the end from th Health a Duty, f ^)«ginning, it is a deep concern more than anything; else that tills us. Words of earnest argument and warning counsel rather than of congratulation rise to our lips. 7. Mistakes Are Often Fata!.— Begin well, and the habit of doing well will become quite as easy as the habit of doing badly. " Well be^un is half ended," says the proverb; "and a good beginning is half the battle." Many promising young men have irretrievably injured themselves by a first false step at the commencement of life; while others, of much less promising talents, have succeeded simply by beginning well, and poing onward. The good, practical beginning is, to a certam extent, a pledge, a promise, and an assurance, of the ultimate prosperous issue. There is many a poo.* creature, now crawling through life, miserable himself^and the cause of sorrow to others, who might have lifted up his head and prospered, if, instead of merely satisfying himself with resolutions of well-doing, he had actually gone to work and made a good, practical beginning. 8. Begin at tlie Riglit Place.— Too many are, however, impatient of results. They are not satisfied to bej^in where their fathers did, but where they left off. They think to en- joy the fruits of industry without working for them. They cannot wait for the results of labor and application, but fore* stall them by too early indulgence. Health a Duty. Perhaps nothing will so much hasten the time when body and mind will botn be adequately cared for, as a diffusion of the belief that the preservation of health is a duty. Few seem conscious that there is such a thing as physical mo- rality. Men's habitual words and acts imply that they are at liberty to treat their bodies as they please. Disorder entailed by disobedience to nature's dictates they regard as griev- ances, not as the effects of a conduct more or less flagitious. Though the evil consequences inflicted on their descendents and on future generations are often as great as those caused by crime, they do not think themselves in any degree criminal. It is true that in the case of drunkenness the viciousness of a bodily transgression is recognized ; but none appear to ip^er that if this bodily transgression is vicious, so, too. \js i Health a Duty, every bodily transgression. The fact is, all breaches of the law of health are physical sins. When this is generally seen, then, and perhaps not till then, will the physical training of the young receive all the attention it deserves. Purity of life and thought should be taught in the home. It is the only safeguard of the young. Let parents wake up on this important subject. i I SOLID COMFORT AND QOOD HEALTH. Value t^ Reputation^ of the 3t till 11 the iome. ceup \ Talue of Bepntatioii. «. Hfho Shall Estlmatr; the Cost.— Who shall estimate die cost of a priceless reputation— that impress which give& this human dross its currency— without which we stand de- spised, debased, depreciated ? Who shall repair it injured ? Who can redeem it lost? Oh, well and truly does the great philosopher of poetry esteem the world's wealth as "trash" in the comparison. Without it gold has no value; birth, no distinction; station, no dignity; oeauty, no charm; age, no reverence; without it every treasure impoverishes, every grace deforms, every dignity degrades and all the arts, the ecorations and accomplishments of life stand, like the beacon-blaze upon a rock, warning the world that its ap- proach is dangerous; that its contact is death. 2. The Wretch Without It,— The wretch without it is un- der eternal quarantine; no friend to greet; no home to harbor him, the voyage of his life becomes a joyless peril; and in the midst of all ambition can achieve, or avarice amass, or rapacity plunder, he tosses on the surge, a buoy- ant pestilence. But let me not degrade into semshness of individual safety or individual exposure this individual principle; it testifies a higher, a more ennobling origin. 3. Its Divinity,— Oh, Divine, oh, delightful legacy of a spotless reputation: Rich is the inheritation it leaves; pious the example it testifies; pure, precious and imperishable, the hope which it inspires; can there be conceived a more atrocious injury than to filch from its possessor this inestim- able benefit to rob society of its charm, and solitude of its solace; not only to out-law life, but attain death, converting the very grave, the refuge of the sufferer, into the gate of infamy and of shame? 4. Lost Character, — We can conceive few crimes beyond It. He who plunders my property takes from me that which can be repaired by time; but what period can repair a ruined reputation? He who maims my person, efifects that which medicine may remedy; but whatnerb has sovereignty over the wounds of slander? He who ridicules my poverty, ' or reproaches my profession, upbraids me with that which industry may retrieve, and integrity may purify; but what riches shall redeem the bankrupt fame ? What power shall blanch the sullied show of character? There can be no in- jury more deadly. There can be no crime more cruel. It is without remedy. It is without antidote. It is ^vithout evasion. CO bJ bJ o z a z < Hi X 09 Influence of Associates, 9 Influence of Associates. u If you always live with those who are lame, you will yourself learn to limp.— From tub IjAtin. If men wish to be held in esteem, they must associate with those who are estimable.— La Bruyere. 1. By What Men Are Known.— An author is known by his writings, a mother by her daughter, a fool by his words, and all men by their companions. 2. Formation of a Good Character. — Intercourse with persons of decided virtue and excellence is of great import- ance in the formation of a good character. The force of example is powerful ; we are creatures of imitation, and, by a necessary influence, our tempers and habits are very much formed on the model of those with whom we familiarly asso- ciate. Better be alone than in bad company. Evil com- munications corrupt good manners. Ill qualities are catch- ing as well as diseases; and the mind is at least as much, if not a great deal more, liable to infection, than the body. Go with mean people, and you think life is mean. 3. Good Example.— How natural is it for a child to look up to those around him for an example of imitation, and how readily does he copy all that he sees done, good or bad. The importance of a good example on which the young may exercise this powerful and active element of their nature, is a matter or the utmost moment. 4. A True Maxim. — It is a trite, but true maxim, that "a man is known by the company he keeps." He natur- ally assimilates by the force of imitation, to the habits and manners of those by whom he is surrounded. We know persons who walk much with the lame, who have learned to walk with a hitch or limp like their lame friends. Vice stalks in the streets unabashed, and children copy it. 5. Live with the Culpable.— Live with the culpable, and you will be very likely to die with the criminal. Bad com- pany is like a nail driven into a post, which after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty ; but being once driven in up to the head, the pinchers cannot take hold to draw it out, which can only oe done by the destruction of the wood. You may be ever so pure, you annot associate with bad companions without falling into . ^d odor. 6. Society of the Vulgar.— Do you love the society of the vulgar ? Then you are already debased in your sentiments. Do you seek to be with the profane ? In your heart you are like theni. Are jesters and buffoons your choice friends, r 1 ■ M i r I ! 12 Self-ControL He who loves to laugh at folly, is himself a fool. Do you love and seek the society of the wise and good? Is this your habit ? Had you rather take the lowest seat among these than the highest seat among others ? Then you have already learned to be good* You may not make very much progress, but even a good beginning is not to be despised. T. Siuks of Pollution.— Strive for mental excellence, and strict integrity, and you never will be found in the sinks of pollution, and on the benches of retailers and gamb- lers. Once habituate yourself to a virtuous course, once secure a love of good society, and no punishment would be greater than by accident to be obliged for half a day to asso- ciate with the low and vulgar. Try to frequent the com- pany of your betters. 8. Procnre no Friend in Haste.— Nor, if once secured, in haste abandon them. Be slow in choosing an associate, and slower to change him ; slight no man for poverty, nor esteem any one for his wealth. Good friends should not be easily forgotten, nor used as suits of apparel, which, when we have worn them threadbare, we cast them off, and call for new. When once you profess yourself a friend, endeavor to be always such. He can never have any true friends that will be often changing them. 9. Have tlie Courage to Cut the Most Agreeable Ac- quaintance. — Do this when you are convinced that he lacks principle ; a friend should bear with a friend's infirmities, but not with his vices. He that does a base thing in zeal for his friend, burns the golden thread that ties their hearts together. Self-Control. *' Honor and profit do not always lie in the same sack." — Geoboe Herbert. " The government of one's self is the only true freedom for the in'^"!- Tidual."— Frederick Perthes. " It is length of patience, and endurance, and forebearance, that so much of what is called good in mankind and womankind is shown." —Arthur Helps. 1. Essence of Character. — Self-control is only courage under another form. It may also be regarded as the pri mary essence of character. It is in virtue of this Quality that Shakespeare defines man as a being "looking before and after." It forms the chief distinction between man and the mere animal ; and, indeed, there can be no true maiV' hood without it. 2. Root of all the Yirtues«— Self-control is at the root • . Self-Control, IS THE RESULT OF BAD COMPANY. 14 Self-Control, ; I nil. of all the virtues. Let a man give the reins to his im- pulses and passions, and from that moment he yields up his moral freedom. He is carried along the current of life, and becomes the slave of his strongest desire for the time being. 3. Resist Instinctive Impulse.— To be morally free— to be more than an animal— man must be able to resist instinc- tive impulse, and this can only be done by exercise of self- control. Thus it is this power which constitutes the real distinction between a physical and a moral life, and that forms the primary basis of individual character. 4. A Strong Man Kuleth His Own Spirit,— In the Bible praise is given, not to a strong man who " taketh a city," but to the stronger man who " ruleth his own spirit." This stronger man is he who, by discipline, exercises a constant control over his thoughts, his speech, and his acts. Nine- tenths of the vicious desires that degrade society, and which, when indulged, swell into the crimes that disgrace it, would shrink into msignificance before the advance of valiant self- discipline, self-respect, and self-control. By the watchful exercise of these virtues, purity of heart and mind become habitual, and the character is built up in chastity, Virtue, and temperance. 5. The Best Support. — The best support of character will always be found in habit, which, according as the will is directed rightly or wrongly, as the case may be, will prove either a benignant ruler, or a cruel despot. We may oe its willing subject on the one hand, or its servile slave on the other. It may help us on the road to good, or it may hurry us on the road to ruin. 6. The Ideal Man. — " In the supremacy of self-control," says Herbert Spencer, " consists one of the perfections of the ideal man. Not to be impulsive, not to be spurred hither and thither by each desire that in turn comes upper- most, but to be self-restrained, self-balanced, governed by the joint decision of the feelings in council assembled, be- fore whom every action shall have been fully debated, and calmly determined — that it is which education, moral edu- cation at least, strives to produce. 7. The Best Regulated Home. — The best regulated home is always that in which the discipline is the most perfect, and yet where it is the least felt. Moral discipline acts with the force of a law of nature. Those subject to it yield them- selves to it unconsciously ; and though it shapes and forms the whole character, until the life becomes crystallized in habit, the influence thus exercised is for the most part un- seen, and almost unfelt. V ' "i.«~L_ -•^.( Self- Control. 16 8. Practice Self-denial.— If a man woula ^cc through life honorably and peaceably, he must necessarily learn to practice self-denial in small things as well as in great. Men nave to bear as well as to forbear. The temper has to be held in subjection to the iudgment; and the little demons of ill-humor, petulance, and sarcasm, kept resolutely at a dis- tance. If once they find an entrance to the mind, they are apt to return, and to establish for themselves a permanent occupation there. 9. Power of Words. — It is neccessary to one's personal happiness, to exercise control over one s words as well as acts : for there are words that strike even harder than blows ; and men may " speak daggers," though they use none. The stinging repartee that rises to the lips, and which, if uttered, might cover an adversary with confusion, how difficult it is to resist saying it! "Heaven, keep us," says Miss Bremer, in her 'Home', "from the destroying power of words ! There are words that sever hearts more than sharp swords do ; there are words the point of which sting the neart through the course of a whole life." 10. €liaracter Exhibits Itself.— Character exhibits itself in self-control of speech as much as in anything else. The wise and forbearant man will restrain his desire to say a smart or severe thing at the expense of another's feeling ; while the fool blurts out what he thinks, and will sacrifice his friend rather than his joke. "The mouth of a wise man," said Solomon, "is in his heart ; the heart of a fool is in his mouth." 11. Burns. — No one knew the value of self-control better than the poet Burns, and no one could teach it more elo- quently to others, but when it came to practice. Burns was as weak as the weakest. He could not deny himself the pleasure of uttering a harsh and clever sarcasm at anoth- er's expense. One of his biographers observed of him, that it was no extravagant arithmetic to say that for every ten jokes he made himself a hundred enemies. But this was not all. Poor Burns exercised no control over his appetites, but freely gave them the rein: " Thus thoughtless follies laid him low, And stained his name." 12. Sow Pollution,— Nor had he the self-denial to resist giving publicity to compositions originally intended for the delight of the tap-room, but which continued secretly to sow pollution broadcast in the minds of youth. Indeed, notwith- standing the many exquisite poems of this writer, it is not saying too much that his immoral writings have done far more harm than his purei ^vritings have done good ; and ' 1 , - '■■" ' m -rriB! I;ii i ' 16 Self-ControL it would be better that all his \\ ritings should be destroyed and forgotten, provided his indecent songs could be de- stroyed with them. 1 3. Moral Principle.— Many of our young men lack moral principle. They cannot look upon a beautiful girl with a pure heart and pure thoughts. They have not manifested or practiced that self-control which develops true manhood, and brings into subordination evil thoughts, evil passions, and evil practices. ^ Men who have no self-control, will find life a failure, both in a social and in a business sense. The world despises an insignificant person who lacks backbone and character. Stand upon your manhood and woman- hood ; honor your convictions, and dare to do right 14. Strong Drink.— There is the habit of strong drink. It is only the lack of self-control that brings men into the depths of degradation ; on account of the cup, the habit of taking drink occasionally in its milder forms — of playing with a small appetite that only needs sufficient playing with to make you a demon or a dolt. You think you are safe ; I know you are not safe, if you drink at all ; and when you get oflfended with the good friends that warn you of your danger, you are a fool. I know that the grave swallows daily, by scores, drunkards, every one of whom thought he was safe while he was forming his appetite. But this is old talk. A young man in this age wno forms the habit of drinking or puts himself in danger of forming the habit, is usually so weak that it doesn't pay to save him. . HOST 8ELP.CQNTIIOL. 'ik Habit, 17 Habit. It is almost as difflcult to make a man unlearn his Errors as his Know- ledge.— Coltok. There are habits contracted by bad example, or bad management, before we have Judgment to discern their auproaches, or because the eye of Reason is laid asleep, or has not compass of Tiew suiBcient to look around on every quarter.— Tuckkr. 1. Habit. — Ou real strength in life depends upon habits formed in early life. The young man who sows his wild oats and indulges in the social cup, is fastening cliains upon himself that never can be broken. The innocent youth by solitary practice, of self-abuse will fasten upon himself a habit which will wreck his physical constitution and bring suffering and misery and ruin. Young man and young woman, oeware of bad habits formed in early life. 2. A Bundle of Habits.— Man, it has been said, is a bundle of habits; and habit is second nature. Metastasio entertained so strong an opinion as to the power of repeti- tion in act and thought, that he said, "All is habit in man- kind, even virtue itself." Evil habits must be conquered, or they will conquer us and destroy our peace and happi- ness. 3. YicioQS Habits. — Vicious habits, when opposed, offer the most vigorous resistencc on the first attack. At each successive encounter this resistence grows fainter and faint- er, until finally it ceases altogether and the victory is achieved. Habit is man's best fr'«nd and worst enemy; it can exalt him to the highest pin le of virtue, honor and happiness, or sink him to the loweoC depths of vice, shame and misery. 4. Honesty, or Enayery. — We may form habits of honesty, or knavery; truth, or falsehood; of industry, or idleness; frugality, or extravagance; of patience, or impatience; self- denial, or self-indulgence; of kindness, cruelty, politeness, rudeness, prudence, perseverance, circumspection. In short, there ii3 not a virtue, nor a vice; not an act of body, nor of mind, to which we may not be chained down by this despot- ic power. 5. Bej^in Well. — It is a great point for young men to begin well; for it is the beginning of life that that system of conduct is adopted which soon assumes the force of habit. Begin well, and the habit of doing well will become quite easy, as easy as the habit of doing badly. Pitch upon that course of life which is the most excellent, and habit will render it the most delightful. « 1 • • 9 18 1 A Good Name, A Good Name. t. The Loiigring for a Good Name.— The longing for a f[ood name is one of those laws of nature that were passed or the soul and written down within to urge towarcf a life of action, and away from small or wicked action. So large is this passion that it is set forth in poetic thought, as hav- ing a temple grand as that of Jupiter or Minerva, and up whose marble steps all noble minds struggle — the temple of Fame. 2. CiTillzation.— Civilization is the ocean of which the millions of individuals are the rivers and torrents. These rivers and torrents swell with those rains of money and home and fame and happiness, and then fall and run almost dry, but the ocean of civilization has gathered up all these waters, and holds them in sparkling beauty for all subsecjuent use. Civilization is a fertile delta made by the drifting souls of men. 3. Fame.— The word "fame" never signifies simply notoriety. The meaning of the direct term may be seen from its negation or opposite, for only the meanest of men are called infamous. They are utterly without fame, utterly nameless; but if fame implied only notoriety then in- famous would possess no marked significance. Fame is an undertaker that pays but little attention to the living, but who bedizens the dead, furnishes out their funerals and fol- lows them to the grave. 4. Life-Motiye.— So in studying that life-motive which is called a " good name," we must ask the lar^e human rac6 to tell us the high merit of this spiritual longmg. We must read the words of the sage, who said long centuries ago that " a good name was rather chosen than great riches." Other sages have said as much. Solon said that " He that will sell his good name will sell the State." Socrates said, " Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds." Our Shakspeare said, " He lives in fame who died in virtue's cause." 5. Inflaeiices of Our Age.— Our age is deeply influenced by the motives called property and home and pleasure, but it is a question whether the generation in action to-day and the generation on the threshold of this intense life are C09- sc'ous fully of the worth of an honorable name. t. Beauty of Character.— We do not know whether .ith tis all a good name is less sweet than it was with our fathers, but this is painfully evident, that our times do not sufli- ciently behold the beauty of character — their sense do8;« f^at y. A Good Name 19 detect Quickly enough or love deeply enough this aroma of heroic deeds. 7. Selling Ont Their Repntution.— It is amazing what multitudes there are who are willing to sell out their repu- tation, and amazing at what a low price they will make the painful exchange. Some king remarked that he would not tell a lie for any reward less than an empire. It is not un- common in our wqrld for a man to sell out all his honor and hopes for a score or a half score of dollars. 8. Prisons Orerflowlng. -Our prisons are all full to over- flowing of those who took no thought of honor. They have not waited for an empire to be offered them before they would violate the sacred rights of man, but many of them have even murdered for a cause that would not have jus- tified even an exchange of words. 9. Integrity the Pride of the GoTernment.— If mtegrity were made the pride of the government, the love of it would soon spiing up among the people. If all fraudulent men should go straight to iail, pitiless! v, and if all the most rigid characters were sought out tor all political and commercial offices, there would soon come a popular honesty just as there has come a love of reading or ot art. It is with char- acter as with any new article — the difficulty lies in its first introduction. 10. A New Virtue. — May a new virtue come into favor, all our high rewards, those from the ballot-box, those from employers, the rewards of society, the rewards of the p'-css, should be offered only to the worthy. A few years of rewarding the worthy would result in a wonderful zeal in the young to build up, not physical property, but mental and spiritual worth. 11. Blessing the Family Group. — No young man or young woman can by industry and care reach an eminence m study or art or character, without blessing the entire family group. We have all seen that the father and mother feel that all life's care and labor were at last perfectly rewarded in the success of their child. But had the child been reckless or indolent, all this domestic joy — the jr 'of a large group — would have been blighted forever. 12. An Honored Child.— There have been triumph: at old Rome, where victors marched along with many a chariot, many an elephant, and many spoils of the East; and in all times money has been lavished in the efforts of States to tell their pleasure in the name of some general; but more numerous and wide-spread and beyond expression, by chariot or cannon or drum, have been those triumphal to A Good Nami, hourt, when some son or daughter has returned to th< parental hearth beautiful in the wreaths of some confessed excellence, bearing a good name. V. AN ARAB PRINQ^SS. J 13. Rich Criminals.— We looked at the utter wretched- ness of the men who threw away reputation, and would rather be rich criminals in exile than be loved friends and persons at home. 14. An Empty, or an Eril Name.— Young and old cannot afford to bear the burden of an empty or an evil name. A good name is a motive of life. It is a reason for that great encampment we call an existence. While you are building the home of to-morrow, build up also that kind of soul that can sleep sweetly on home's pillow, and can feel that God is not near as an avenger of wrong, but as the Father not only of the verdure and the seasons, but of you. Live a pure life and bear a good name, and your reward will b^ sure and great. 'r#«!9t5fe'^*r The Mother* s Influence, n The Mother's Influence. Mother, O mother, my heart ctlla for jou. Many a Summer the grasa has grown groen, Blosaomed and faded, our faces between ; Yet with ntrong yearning and pasBionate pain. Long I to-Dlght for your presence ngaiii. —ELxaabnh Aker$ Attmt, A mother is a mother atill, The holiest thing alive. — Coleridgt, There is none, Id all this cold and hollow world, no fount Of deep, strong, deathless love, save that within A mother's heart. —Mrs. Ilentant. And all my mother ccme into mine eyes, And gave me up to tears. — Shaketpere. 1. Her Inflnence.-- It is true to nature, although it be ex* pressed in a figurative form, that a mother is both the morn< mg and the evening star of life. The light of her eye is always the first to rise, and often the last to set upon man's day of trial. She wields a power more decisive far than syllogisms in argument or courts of last appeal in authority 2. Her Love. — Mother! ecstatic sound so twined round our hearts that they must cease to throb ere we forget it; 'tis our first love ; 'tis part of religion. Nature has set the mother u;)on such a pinnacle that our infant eyes and arms are first uplifted to it; we cling to it in manhood; we almost worship it in old age. 3. Her Tenderness.— Alas! how little do we appreciate a mother s tenderness while living. How heedless are we in youth of all her anxieties and kindness! But when she is dead and gone, when the cares and coldness of the world come withering to our hearts, when we experience for our- selves how hard it is to find true sympathy, how few to love U9, how few will befriend us in misfortune, then it is that we think of the mother we have lost 4. Her Controlling Power.— The mother can take man's whole nature under her control. She becomes what she has been called, " The Divinity of Infancy." Her smile is its sunshine, her word its mildest law, until sin and *het world have steeled the heart. '•linr w The Mother's Influence, 0g^m::--:.^ r.i I I I hi. l,':i I ' ■' A PRAYERFUL AND DEVOTED MOTHER. 5. The Last Tie. — The young man who has forsaken the advice and influence of his mother has broken the last cable and severed the last tie that binds him to an honorable and upright life. He has forsaken his best friend, and every hope for his future welfare may be abandoned, for he is lost forever. If he is faithless to mother, he will have but little respect for wife and childrenc 6. Home Ties, — The young man or young woman, who love their home and love their mother, can be safely trusted under almost any and all circumstances, and their life will not be a blank, for they seek what is good. Their hearts will be ennobled, and God will bless them. Hbme Power, 23 ■ "i^Mm HOME AMUSEMENT. Home Power, " The mill-streams that turn the clappers of the world arise in soHtarf places."— Helps- " Lord ! with what care hast Thou begirt us round ! Parents first season us. Then schoolmasters Deliver us to laws. They send us bound To rules of reason."— George Herbert. 1. School of Character, — Home is the first and most im- gortant school of character. It is there that every human eing receives his best moral training, or his worst, for it is there that he imbibes those principles of conduct which en- dure through manhood, and cease only with life. 2. Home Makes the Man. — It is a common saying, " Man- ners make the man;" and there is a second, that "Mind makes the man;" but truer than either is a third, that " Home makes the man." For the home-training includes not only manners and mind, but character. It is mainly in the home that the heart is opened, the habits are formed, the intellect is awakened, and character moulded for good or for evil. ,;--—* u Home Power, 3. Gorern Society. — From that source, be it pure or im* Eure, issue the principles and maxims that govern society, aw itself is but the reflex of homes. The tiniest bits of opinion sown in the minds of children in private life after- wards issue forth to the world, and become its public opm- ion; for nations are gathered out of nurseries, and they who hold the leading-strings of children may even exercise a greater power than those who wield the reins of govern- ment. 4. The Child Is Father of the Man.— The child's charac- ter is the nucleus of the man's; all after-education is but superposition; the form of the crystal remains the same. Thus the saying of the poet holds true in a large degree, "The child is father of the man;" or as Milton puts it, " The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day." Those impulses to conduct which last the longest and are rooted the deepest, always have their origin near our birth. It is then that the germs of virtues or vices, of feelings or sentiments, are first implanted whicL determine the charac- ter of life. 5. Nurseries. — Thus homes, which are nurseries of child- ren who grow up into men and women, will be good or bad according to the power that governs them. Where the spirit of love and duty pervades the home, where head and heart bear rule wisely there, where the daily life is honesf and virtuous, where the government is sensible, kind, and loving, then may we expect from such a home an issue of healthy, useful, and happy beings, capable as they gain the requisite strength, of following the footsteps of their parents, of walking uprightly, governing themselves wisely, and contributing to the welfare of those about them. 6. Ignorance, Coarseness, and Selfishness.— On the other hand, if surrounded by ignorance, coarseness, and selfishness, they will unconsciously assume the same char- acter, and grow r.p to adult years rude, uncultivated, and all the more dangerous to society if placed amidst the mani- fold temptations of what is called civilized life. " Give your child to be educated by a slave," said an ancient Greek, •* and, instead of one slave, you will then have two." 7. Maternal Lore.— Maternal love is the visible provi- dence of our race. Its influence is constant and universal. It begins with the education of the human being at the out- start of life, and is prolonged by virtue of the powerful in- fluence which every good mother exercises over her child- ren through life. When launched into the world, e?.ch to take part in its labors, anxieties, an i trials, they still turn ! I Home Power, 26 to meir mother for consolation, if not for counsel, in their time of trouble and difficulty. The pure and good thoughts she has implanted in their minds when children continue to grow up into good acts long after she is dead; and when there is nothing but a memory of her left, her children rise up and call her blessed. 8. Woman, above All Other Educators, educates human* ly. Man is tne brain, but woman is the heart of humanity; he its judgment, she its feeling; he its strength, she its grace, ornament, and solace. Even the understanding of the best woman seems to work mainly through her affections. And thus, though man may direct the intellect, woman cul- tivates the feehngs, which mainly determine the character. While he fills the memory, she occupies the heart. She makes us love what he can make us only believe, and it is chiefly through her that we are enabled to arrive at virtue. Q. The Poorest Dwelling^ presided over by a virtuous, thrifty, cheerful, and cleanly woman, may thus be the abode of comfort, virtue, and happiness; it may be the scene of every ennobijug relation in family life: it majr be endeared to man by many delightful associations; furnishing a sanc- tuary for the heart, a refuge from the storms of life, a sweet resting-place after labor, a consolation in misfortune, a pride in prosperity, and a joy at all times. lo. The Good Home Is Thus the Best of Schools, not only in youth but in age. There young and old best learn cheerfulness, patience, self-control, and the spirit of service and of duty. The home is the true school of courtesy, of which woman is always the best practical instructor. " Without woman," says the Provencal proverb, " men were but ill-licked cubs." Philanthropy radiates from the home as from a centre. " To love the little platoon we belong to in society," said Burke, "is the germ of all public affections." The wisest and best have not been ashamed to own it to be their greatest joy and happiness to sit " behind the heads of children" in the inviolable circle of homer -^ '5;f- 26 To Young Women, V JUtBDITRTION. J To Young Women. I. To Be a Woman, in the truest and highest sense of the word, is to be the best thing beneath the skies. To be a woman is something more than to live eighteen or twenty years; something more than to grow to the physical stature of women; something more than to wear flounces, exhibit dry goods, sport jewelry, catch the gaze of lewd-eyed men; ifc To Young Women, 2? something more than to be a belle, a wife, or a mother. Put all these qualifications together and they do but little toward making a true woman. 2. Beauty and St.vle are not the surest passports to womanhood — some of the noblest specimens of womanhood that the world has ever seen, have presented the plainest and most unprepossessing appearance. A voman's worth is to be estimated Dy the real goodness of her heart, the great- ness of her soul, and the purity and sweetness of her char- acter; and a woman with a kindly disposition and well- balanced temper, is both lovely and attractive, be her face ever so plain, and her figure ever so homely; she makes the best of wives and the truest of mothers. 3. Boauty Is a Dangerous Gift. — It is even so. Like wealth it has ruined its thousands. Thousands of the most beautiful women are destitute of common sense and com- mon humanity. No gift from heaven is so general and so widely abused by woman as the gift of beauty. In about nine cases in ten it makes her silly, senseless, thoughtless, giddy, vain, proud, frivolous, selfish, low and mean. I think I have seen more girls spoiled by beauty than by any other one thing» "She is beautiful, and she knows it," is as much as to say that she is spoiled. Abeautifulgirlis very likely to believe she was made to be looked at; and so she sets herself up for a show at every window, in every door, on every corner of the street, in every company at which opportunity offers for an exhibition of herself. 4. Beware of Beautiful TVomen.— These facts have long since taught sensible men to beware of beautiful women — to sound them carefully before they give them their confi- dence. Beauty is shallow — only skin deep; fleeting — only for a few years' reign; dangerous — tempting to vanity and lightness of mind; deceitful — dazzling often to bewilder; weak — reigning only to ruin; gross — leading often to sensual pleasure. And yet we say it need not be so. Beauty is lovely and ought to be innocently possessed. It has charms which ought to be used for good purposes. It is a delightful gift, which ought to be received with gratitude and worn with grace and meekness. It should always minister to inward Beauty. Every woman of beautiful form and features should cultivate a beautiful mind and heart. 5. Rival the Boys.— We want the girls to rival the boys in all that is good, and refined, and ennobling. We want them to rival the boys, as they well can, in learning, in un- derstanding, in virtues; in all noble qualities of mind and heart, but not in any of those things that have caused them, justly or unjustly, to be described as savages. We want 38 To Young Women, \m ii:iii,;i nil i'ii ,;i1 'ri the girls to be gentle— not weak, but gentle, and kind and affectionate. We want to be sure, that wherever a girl is, there should be a sweet, subduing and harmonizing in- fluence of purity, and truth, and love, pervading and hallow- ing, from center to circumference, the entire circle in which she moves. If the boys are savages, we want her to be their civilizer. We want her to tame them, to subdue their ferocity, to soften their manners, and to teach them all need- ful lessons of order, sobriety, and meekness, and patience, and goodness. 6. Kindness. — Kindness is the ornament of man— it is the chief glory of woman — it is, indeed, woman's true preroga- tive—her sceptre and her crown. It is the sword with which she conquers, and the charm with which she capti- vates. r. Admired aud Beloved. — Young lady, would you be admired and beloved? Would you be an ornamc' ^ ^ur sex, and a blessing to your race.'' Cultivate this ii:javenly virtue. Wealth may surround you with its blandishments, and beauty, and learning, or talents, may give you admirers, but love and kindness alone can captivate the heart Whether you live in a cottage or a palace, these graces can surround you with perpetual sunshme, making you, and all around you, happy, 8. Inward Grace.— Seek ye then, fair daughters, t>.e possession of that inward grace, whose essence shall p it^ meate and vitalize the affections, adorn the countena ice, make mellifluous the voice, and impart a hallowed beauty even to your motions. Not merely that you may be lovea, would I urge this, but that you may, in truth, be lovely— that loveliness which fades not with time, nor is marred or alienated by disease, but which neither chance nor change can in any way despoil. 9. Silken Enticements of the Stranger.— We urge you, gentle maiden, to beware of the silken enticements of the stranger, until your love is confirmed by protracted acauaint- ance. Shun the idler, though his coffers overflow witn pelf. Avoid the irreverent — the scoffer of hallowed things; and him who "looks upon the wine while it is red;" him too, " who hath a high look and a proud heart," and who " privily slandereth his neighbor." Do not heed the specious prattle about " first love," and so place, irrevocably, the seal upon your future destiny, before you have srunded, in silence and secrecy, the deep fountains of your own heart. Wait, rather, until your own character and that of him who would woo you, is more fully developed. Surely, if this "first love" cannot .1 13 38 Letter Writing, • I ■11 m 1 ; •'" ir are loved unless they are told ? To write a sensible love letter requires more talent than to solve, with your pen, a profound problem in philosophy. Lovers must not then ex- pect much from each other's epistles. 4. Confidential. — Ladies and gentlemen who corres- pond with each other should never be guilty of exposing any of the contents of any letters written expressing confi- dence, attachment or love. The man who confides in a lady and honors her with his confidence should be treated with perfect security and respect, and those who delight in sliowing their confidential letters to others are unworthy, heartless and unsafe companions. 5. Return of Letters. — If letters were written under cir- cumstances which no longer exist and all confidential rela- tions are at an end, then all letters should be promptly re- turned. 6. How to Begin a LoTe Letter. — riow to begin a love letter has been no doubt the problem of lovers and suitors of all ages and nations. Fancy the youth of Young America with lifted pen, thinking how he shall address his beloved. Much depends ui)on this letter. What shall he say, and how shall he say it, is the great question. Perseverance, however, will solve the problem and determine results. 7. Forms of Beginning a LoTe Letter. — Never say, "My Dearest Nellie," "My Adored Nellie," or "My Darling Nellie," until Nellie has first called you "My Dear," or has given you to understand that such familiar terms are per- missible. As a rule a gentleman will never err if he says "Dear Miss Nellie," and if the letters are cordially recipro- cated the "Miss" may in time be omitted, or other familiar terms used instead. In addressing a widow "Dear Madam," or, "My Dear Madam," will be a proper form until sufficient intimacy will justify the use of other terms. 8. Respect. — A lady must always be treated with re- spectful delicacy, and a gentleman should never use the term "Dear" or "My Dear' under any circumstances unless he knows it is perfectly acceptable or a long and friendly acquaintance justifies it. 9. How to Finish a Letter.— A letter will be suggest- ed by the remarks on how to begin one. "Yours respect- fully," "Yours truly," "Yours sincerely," "Yours afifection- ately," "Yours ever affectionately," "Yours most affection- ately," "Ever yours," "Ever your own," or "Yours," are all appropriate, each depending upon the beginning of the letter. It is difficult to see any pnrase which could be add- ed to them which would carry more meaning than they ron- 1 '■.:■.':?■■ I I;" ''J Letter Writing, 39 tain. People can sign tliemselves "adorers" and such like, but they do so at the peril of good taste. It is not good that men or women "worship" each other — if they succeed in preserving reciprocal love and esteem they will have cause for great contentment. 10. Permission. — No young man should ever write to a young lady any letter, formal or .informal, unless he has first sought her permission to do so. 11. Special Forms. — We give various forms or models of love letters to be studied, not copied. We have given no replies to the forms given, as every letter written will nat- urally suggest an answer. A careful study will be a great help to many who have not enjoyed the advantages of a lit- erary education. \ FOUMS OF SOCIAL LETTFBS. i, — From a i^oung Lady to a Clergyman Asking a Recom- fuendation. Nantwich, May i8th, 1894. Reverend and Dear Sir : Having seen an advertisment for a school mistress in the Daily Times, I have been recommended to offer myself as a candidate. Will you kindly favor me «!■ j;:r HI ii'i '• 40 Letter Writing, with a testimonial as to my character, ability and conauct while at Boston Normal School ? Should you consider that I am fitted for the position, you would confer a great favor on me if you would interest yourself in my behalf. 1 remain, Reverend Sir, Your most obedient and humble servant, Laura B. Nichols. 8, — Applying for a Position as a Teacher of Music, ,, , Scotland, Conn., January 2ist, i8q4. Madam : Seeing your advertisement in The Clarion of to-day, I write to offer my services as a teacher of music in your family. I am a graduate of the Peabody Institute, of Baltimore, where I was thoroughly instructed in instrumental and vocal music. I refer by permission to Mrs. A. J. Davis, 1922 Walnut Street ; Mrs. Franklin Hill, 2021 Sprmg Garden Street, and Mrs. William Murray, 18119 Spruce Street, in whose families I have given lessens. Hoping that you may see fit to employ me, I am; Very respectfully yours, Nellie Reynolds. 3, — Applying for a Situation as a Cook. Charlton Place, September 8th, 1894, .Madam : Having seen your advertisement for a cook in to- day's Times, 1 beg to offer myself for your place. I am a thorough cook. I can make clear soups, entrees, jellies, and all kinds of made dishes. I can bake, and am also used to a dairy. My wages are $4 per week, and I can give good reference from my la it place, in which I lived for two years. I am thirty-three years of age. I remain, Madam, Yours vry respectfully, Mary Mooney. 4.. — Recommending a School Teacher. Ottawa, 111., February loth, 1894. Col. Geo. H. Haight, President Board of Trustees, etc. Dear Sir : I take pleasure in recommending to your fav- orable consideration the application of Miss Hannah Alex- ander for the position of teacher in the public school at Weymouth, i' Letter Writing. «l M iss Alexander is a graduate of the Davidson Seminary, and for the past year has taught a school in this place. My children have, been among her pupils, and their progress has been entirely satisfactory to me. Miss Alexander is a strict disciplinarian, an excellent teacher, and is thoroughly competent to conduct the school for which she applies. Trusting that you may see fit to bestow upon her the ap- pointment she seeks, I am, Yours very respectfully, Alice Miller. S-—A Business Introduction. J. W. Brown, Chicago, 111., May 1st, 1804. Earlville, 111. My Dear Sir : This will introduce to you Mr. William Channing, of this city, who visits Earlville on a matter of busi- ness, which he will explain to you in person. You can rei/ upon his statements, as he is a gentleman of high character, and should you be able to render him any assistance, it would be greatly appreciated by Yours truly, Haight Larabee. 6. — Introducing One Lady to Another. Du idee, Tenn., May 5th, 1894. . Dear Mary : Allow me to introdu e to you my ever dear friend, Miss Nellie Reynolds, the I arer of this letter. You have heard me speak of her so often that you will know at once who she is. As I am sure you will be mutually pleased' with each other, I have asted her to inform 'you of her presence in your city. Any attention you may show her will be highly appreciated by Yours affectionately, Lizzie Eicher. 7. — To a Lady, Apologizing for a Broken Engagement. Albany, N. Y., May loth, 1894. My Dear Miss Lee : Permit me to explain my failure to keep my appointment with you this evening. I was on my way to your house, with the assurance of a pleasant evening, when unfortunately I was very unexpectedly called from home on very important business. I regret my disappointment, but hope that the future may ^ord us many pleasant meetings. Sincerely your friend, ^ Irving Goodrich. Pi f (I K 'ii ii!^^ • I ■':>' ^ Letter Writing, 8, — J^orm of an Excuse for a Pupil, Thursday Morning, April 4th. Mr. Bunnel : You will please excuse William for non-attendance at school yesterday, as I was compelled to keep him at home to attend to a matter of bubiness. Mrs. A. Smith. g.—Form of Letter Accompanying a Present. */r T^ ^ XT 11 Louisville, July 6, 1894. My Dearest Nelly : . » j / • -v^ Many happy returns of the day. So fearful was I that it would escape your memory, that I thought I would send you this little trinket by way of reminder. I beg you to accept it and wear it for the sake of the giver. With love and best wishes. Believe me ever, your sincere friend, { Caroline Collins. 10. — Returning Thanks for the Present, Dear Mrs. Collins : Louisville, July 6. .894. I am very much obliged to you for the handsome bracelet you have sent me. How kind and thoughtful it was of you to remember me on my birthday. I am sure I have every cause to bless the day, and did I forget it, I have many kind friends to remind me of it. Again thanking you for your present, which is far too beautiful for me, and also for your kind wishes. Believe me, your most grateful Bertha Smith. II.— -Congratulating a Friend Upon His Marriage, Menton, N. Y.. May 24th, 1894. My Dear Everett : I have to-day received the invitation to your wedding, and as I cannot be present at that happy event to offer my congratulations in person, I write. I am heartily glad you are going to be married, and con- gratulate you upon the wisdom of your choice. You have won a noble as well as a beautiful woman, and one whose love will make you a happy man to your life's end. May God grant that trouble may not come near you, but should it be your lot, you will have a wife to whom you can look with confidence for comfort, and whose good sense and de- votion to you will be your sure and unfailing support. That you may both be very happy, and tnat your happi* ness may increase with your years, is the prayer of Your Friend Frank Howard. , letter Writing. * « .^ij7 extravagant flattery should be avoided, both as tending to disgust those to whom it is addressed, as well as to degrade the writers, and to create suspicion as to their sincerity. The sentiments should spring from the tenderness of the heart, and, when faithfully and delicately expressed, will never be read without exciting sympathy or emotion in all hearts not absolutely deadened by insensibility. DECLARATION OF AFFECTION. - e'Tt/^i/tii^'n^ ^^ 'Ufi^*-, «>*«^ /a €id^ i^n^fne'i 0» ^^«-j^ 'Ve'9t^t44,^ ^ /^<^Ae '^^O't ^ftede d€■i^u^'*^e^fd do, /ne ^^f?^ 'U^t'^ cO'i^'i.'M^ ^te^t^n^ €^<^^ /i^ /e- ^^t^t^ {>-/ue4-'tittde, ^c^'H^t'Ve't, ^'na^ d: ;. % .■:rou, in defiance of all rules of etiquette. Affection is sometimes of slow growth ; 46 Letter Writini but sometimes it springs up in a moment. In hall an hour after I was introduced to you my heart was no longer my own. i have not the assurance to suppose that I have been fortu- nate enough to create any interest in yours ; but will you allow Tme to cultivate your acquaintance in the hope of be- ing able to win your regard m the course of time ? Peti- tioning for a few lines in reply I remain, dear Miss Searles, Yours devotedly, E. C. Nicks. Miss E. Searles, .. Waterford, Maine. l6. — Proposing Marriage, Wednesday, October 20th, 18940 Dearest Etta : The delightful hours I have passed in your soci- ety have left an impression on my mind that is altogether indelible, and cannot be effaced even by time itself. The frequent opportunities I have possessed, of observing the thousand acts of amiability and kindness which mark the daily tenor of your life, have ripened my feelings of affec- tionate regard into a passion at once ardent and smcere, until I have at length associated my hopes of future happi- ness with the idea of you as a life partner, in them. Be- lieve me, dearest Etta, this is no puerile fancy, but the ma- tured results of a long and warmly cherished admiration of your many charms of person ana mind. It is love — pure, devoted love, and I feel confident that your knowledge of my character will lead you to ascribe my motives to their true source. May I then implore you to consult your own heart, and should this avowal of my fervent and honorable pas- sion for you be crowned with your acceptance and ap- proval, to grant me permission to refer the matter to your parents. Anxiously awaiting your answer, I am, dearest Etta, Your sincere and faithful lover. To Miss Etta Jay, Maiden, 111. Geo. Courtright. 'Ma n hour yown. fortu- 11 you of be- Peti- :ks. l94o soci- ether The r the : the .ffec- :ere, ippi- Be- ma- n of >ure, e of heir ;art, pas- ap- our ^ Letter Writing. 17. — FroPH a Gent lent an to a Widow. 1 I 47 Philadelphia, May 10th, 1894. My Dear Mrs. Freeman : I am sure you are too clear-sighted not to have observed the profound impression which your ami- able qualities, intelligence and personal attractions have made upon my heart, and as y^u nave not repelled my at- tentions nor manifested displeasure when I ventured to hint at the deep interest I felt in your welfare and happiness, I cannot help hoping that you will receive an explicit expres- sion of my attachments, kindly and favorably. I wish it were in my power to clothe the feelings I entertain for you in such words as should make my pleadings irresistible ; but, after all, what could I say. more than you are very dear to me, and that the most earnest desire of my soul is to have the privilege of calling you my wife ? Do you, can you love me? You will not, I am certam, keep me in suspense, for you are too good and kind to trifle for a moment with sin- cerity like mine. Awaiting your answer, I remain with respectful affection, Ever yours, Mrs. Julia Freeman, Henry Murray. Philadelphia. 18.— From a Lady to an Inconstant Lover, Dear Harry : It is with great reluctance that 1 enter upon a sub- ject which has given me great pain, and upon which silence has become impossible if I would preserve my self-respect. You cannot but be aware that I have just reason for saying that you have much displeased me. Vou have apparently forgotten what is due to me, circumstanced as we are, thus far at least You cannot suppose that I can tamely see you disregard my feelings, by conduct toward other ladies from which I should natur lly have the right to expect you to ab- stain. I am not so vulgar a person as to be jealous. When there is cause to infer changed feelings, or unfaithfulness to promises of constancy, jealousy is not the remedy. What the remedy is I need not say— we both of us have it in our hands. I am sure you will agree with me that we must come to some understanding by which the future shall be governed. Neither you nor I can bear a divided allegiance. Believe me that I write more in sorrow than in anger. You have made me very unhappy, and perhaps thoughtlessly. But it will take ipiirh to reassure me of your unaltered re- gard. Vours truly Emma, m '\'. i IW|I ACT NATURAL, AND 8PBAK WBLL OF ALL PBQFU CiD Rufiioti Eit^ueitt. Hints and Helps on Good Behavior at all Times and at all Places. 1. It takes acquaintance to found a noble esteem, but polite- ness prepares the way. Indeed, as Montaigne says, Courtesy begets esteem at sight. Urbanity is half of affability, and affability is a charm worth possessing. 2. A pleasing demeanor is often the scales by which the pagan weighs the Christian. It is not virtue, but virtue inspiiBS it. There are circumstances in which it takes a great and strong soul to pass under the little yoke of courtesy, but It is a passport to a greater soul standard. 3. Matthew Arnold says, *' Conduct is three-fourths of char- acter," and Christian benignity draws the line for conduct. A high sense of rectitude, a lowly soul, with a pure and kind .;i. .Ml uy. Rules on Etiquette, heurt are elsments of nobility which will work out In the li£e of a human being at liome— every wliere. ** Private reGnemeut makes public gentilityo" 4. If you would conciliate the favor of men, rule your resent- ment. Remember that if you permit revenge or malice to occupy your soul, you are ruined. 6. Cultivate a happy temper; banish the blues; a chee^iul., saguine spirit begets cheer and hope. 6. Be trustworthy and be trustful. 7. Uo not place a light estimate upon the arts of good read> ing and good expression ; they will yield perpetual interest. 8. Study to keep versed in world events as well as in local occurrences, but abhor gossip, and above all scandal. 9. Banish a self-conscience spirit— the source of much awk- wardness—with a constant aim to make others happy. Re- member that it is incumbent upon gentlemen and ladies alike to be neut in habits. 10. The following is said to be a correct posture for walking: Head erect — not too rigd — chin in, shoulders back. Termit no unnecessary motion about the thighs. Do not lean over to one side in walking, standing or sitting ; the practice is not only ungraceful, but it \? deforming and therefore unhealthful. 11. Beware of affectation and of Beau Brummel airs. 12. If the hands are allowed to swing in walking, the arc should be limited, and the lady will manage them much more gracefully, if they almost touch the clothing. 13. A lady should not stand with her hands behind her. We could almost say, lorget the hands except to keep them clean, including the nails, cordial and helpful. One hand may rest easily in the other. Study repose of attitude here as well as in the rest of the body. 14. Gestures are for emphasis In public speaking ; do not point else\vhere, as a rule. 15: Greet your acquaintances as you meet them with a slight bow and smile, as you speak. 16. Look the person to whom you speak in the eye. Vever under any circumstances wink at another or communicate bv furtive looks. 17. Should yon chance to be the rejected suitor of a lady, bear In mind your own self-respect, as well as the inexorable laws Rules on Etiquette, 51 \ tbe life lOnemeut ir resenfr. nalice to shee'i-fuK !)d read- ierest. in local ;li awk- y. Re- s alike alking: reimit 3ver to is not Ithful. he arc I more •. We clean, y rest ell as o not slight ^ever te bv bear laws of society, and bow politely wheii you meet her. Reflect that you do not stand before all woman-kind as you do at her bar. Do not resent the bitterness of flirtation. No lady or gentle- man will flirt. Remember ever that painful pre^liscorery is better than later disappointment. Let such experience spur you to higher exert'on. 18. Discretion should be exercised in introducing persons. Of two gentlemen who are introduced, if one is superior in rank or age, he is the one to whom the introduction should be made. Of two social equals, if one be a stranger in the place, his name should be mentioned first. 19. In general the simpler the introduction the better. 20. Before introducing a gentleman to a lady, remember that she is entitled to hold you responsible for the acquaintance. The lady is the one to whom the gentleman is presented, wliicli may be done thus : " Miss A, permit me to introduce to you my friend, Mr. B."; or,"Miss A., allow me to introduce Mr. B." If mutual and near friends ot yours, say simply, " Miss A., Mr. B." 21. Receive the introduction with a slight bow ar"'. the acknowledgment, " Miss A., I am happy to make you'' ac- quaintance"; or, " Mr. B., 1 am pleased to meet you.'* Theii Is no reason why such stere'}typed expressions should always be used, but something similar is expected. Do not extend the hand usually. 23. A true lady will avoid familiarity in her deportment towards gentlemen. A young lady should not permit lier gen- tlemen friends to address her by her home name, and the reverse is true. Use the title Miss and Mr. respectively. 23. Ladies should be frank Pud cordial towards their lady friends, but never gushing. 24. Should you meet a friend twice or of tener, at sli®rt inter- vals, it 's polite to bow slightly each time after the first. 25. A lady on meeting a gentleman with whom she has slight acquaintance will make a medium bow — neither too decided nor too slight or stiff. 26. For a gentleman to take a young iady's arm, is to inti- mate that she is feeble, and young ladies resent the mode. 27. If a young lady desires to visit any public place where she expects to meet a gentleman acquaintance, "she sliould have a chaperon to accompany her. a person of mature yeare when possible, and never a giddy girl. 28. A lady should uot ask ft g€UUeuiia to walk with heu. I I i'f i |: ' ■ 1 ■ »2 Rules on Etiquette,, A COMPLETE ETIQUETTE IN A FEW PRACTICAL RULES. /. If you desire to be. respected^ keep clean. The finest attire and decorations will add nothing to the appearance or beauty of an untidy person. 2. Clean clothing, clean skin, clean hands, including the nails, and clean, white teeth, are a requisite Passport for good society, J, A bad breath should be carefully remedied, whether it proceeds from the stomach or from decayed teeth. 4, To pick the nose, finger about the ears, or scratch the head or any other part of the person, in company, is decid- edly vulgar, J. When you call at any private residence, do not neglect to clean your shoes thoroughly, 6, A gentleman should always remove his nat in the pres- tnce of ladies, except out of doors, and then he should lift or touch his hat in salutation. On meeting a lady a well-bred gentleman will always lift his hat, 7. An invitation to a lecture, concert, or other entertain" Wient, may be either verbal or written, but 'should always ft? wiade at least twenty-four hours before the time- Rules on Etiquette. 08 8. On entering a hail or church the gentieman should precede the lady in walking up the aisle, or walk by her side, if the aisle is broad enough, Q. A gentleman should always Precede a lady uf stairs, and follow her downstairs, 10. Visitors should always observe the customs of the church with refe^'ence to standing, sitting, or kneeling dur- ing the services. 11. On leaving a hall or church at the close of entertain' ment or services, the gentleman should precede the lady. 12. A gentleman walking with a lady should carry the parcels, and never allow the lady to be burdened with any- thing of the kind. ij. A gentleman meeting a lady on the street and wishing to speak to her, should never uo^^in her, but may turn around and walk in the same direction she is going, until the conver- sation is completed. 14. If a lady is traveling with a gentleman, simply as a friend, she should place the amount af her expenses in his hands, or insist on Paying the bills herself. /J. Never offer a lady costly gifts, unless you are engaged to her, for it looks as if you were trying to Purchase her good- will ; and when you make a present to a lady use no ceremony whatever. 16. Never carry on a private conversation in company. If secrecy is necessary, withdraw from the company. 17. Never sit with your back to another without asking to be excused. 18. It is as unbecoming for a gentleman to sit with legs crossed as it is for a lady. ig. Never thrum with your fingers, rub your hands, yawn or sigh aloud in company. 20, Loud laughter, loud talking, or other boisteroi:^ man- ifestationz should be checked in the society of others, especially on the street and in pi- blu places. I Hi 54 /^u/es on Etiqueltc, V. When you are asked to sitig or play in company, do sc ?t, Ihout being urged, or refuse in a ivay that shall be final ; and when music is being rendered in company, show polite- ness to the musician by giving attention. It is very impolite io keep up a conversation. If you do not enjoy the music, keep silent. 22, Contentions, contradictions^ etc, in society should be carefully avoided. 2j, Pulling out your watch in company, unless asked the time of day, is a mark of the demi-brcd. It looks as if you were tired of the company and the time dragged heavily, 24. You should never decline to be introduced to any one or all of the guests present at a party to which you have been invited. 2j. A gentleman who escorts a lady to a Party, or who has a lady placed under his care, is under particular obliga- tions to attend to her wants and see that she has proper at- tention. He should introduce her to others, and endeavor to make the evening pleasant. He should escort her to the suP' Per table and Provide for her wants, ^ • - 26. To take small children or dogs with you on a visit of ceremony is altogether vulgar, though in visiting familiar friends children are not objectionable. Children should early be taught the lesson of Propriety •cd Qood SConaers, 81 ■(' AN EGYPTIAN BRIDE'S WEDDING OUTFIT. m «N> Jiu/es on Etiquette, ETIQUETTE OF GALLS. In the matter of making calls it is the correct thing: For the caller who arrived first to leave first. To return a first call within a week and in person. To call promptly and in person after a first invitation. For the mother or chaperon to invite a gentleman to call. To call within a week after any entertainment to which •ne has been invited. You should call upon an acquaintance who has recently returned from a prolonged absence. It is proper to make the first call upon people in a higher social position, if one is asked to do so. It is proper to call, after an engagement has been an- nouncea, or a marriage has taken place, in the family. For the older residents in the city or street to call upon^ the newcomers to their neighborhood is a long recognized custom. I It is proper, after a removal from one part of the city to another, to send out cards with one's new address upon them. To ascertain what are the prescribed hours for calling in the place where one is living, or making a visit, and to ad- here to those hours is a duty that must not be overlook^dc A gentleman should ask for the lady of the house as well as the young ladies, and leave cards for her as well as -lor the head of the family. RuUs on Etiquette, it Improve lour Speech by Reading^ ETIQUETTE IN TOUR SPEECH. Don't say Miss or Mister without the person's name. Don't say pants for trousers. Don't say gents for gentlemen. Don't say female for woman. Don't say elegant to mean everything that pleases you. Don't say genteel for well-bred. Don't say ain't for isn't. Don't say I done it for I did it. Don't say he is older than me; say older than I. Don't say she.does not see any; say she does not see at all. Don't say not as I know; say not that I know. Don't say he calculates to get off; say he expects to get off. Don't say he don't; say he doesn't. Don't say she is some better; say she is somewhat better. Don't say where are you stopping ? say where are you stay- ing? Don't say you was; say you were. Don't say 1 say, says I, but simply say I said. Don't sign your letters yours etc., but yours truly. Don't say lay for lie; lay expresses action; lie exprtsees rest. Don't say them bonnets; sar those bonnets. Don't say party for person. Don't say it looks beautifully, but say it looks beautifuL 61 Ruies on Etiquette, Don't say feller, winder, to-morrer, for fellow, window, to- morrow. Don't use slangy words; they are vulgar. Don't use profane words; they are sinful and foolish. Don't say it was her, when you mean it was she. . Don't say not at once for at once. Don't say he gave me a recommend, but say he gave me a recommendation. Don't say the two first for the first two. Don't say he learnt me French; say he taught me French. Don't say lit the fire; say lighted the fire. Don't say the tnan which you saw; say the man whom you saw. Don't say who done it; say who did it. Don't say if ! was rich I would buy a carriage; say if I were rich. Don't say if I am not mistaken you are in the wrong; say if I mistake not. Don't say who may you be; say who are you.? Don't say ^c> lay down; say go lie down. Don t say he is taller than me; say taller than I. Don't say I shall call upon him; say I shall^call on him. Don't say I bought a new pair of shoes; say I bought a pair of new shoes. Don't say I had rather not; say I would rather not. Don't say two spoonsful; say two spoonfuls. ETIQUETTE OF DRESS AND HABITS. Don't let one day pass without a thorough cleansing of your person. Don't sit down to your evening meal before a complete toilet if you have company. Don't cleanse your nails, your nose, or youcears in public. Don't use hair dye, hair oil or pomades. Don't wear evening dresb in daytime. Don't wear jewelry of a gaudy character; gcnrme .ewe.ry modestly worn is not out of place. Don't overdress yourself or walk affectedly. Don't wear slippers or dressing-gown or smoking-jacket out of your own house. Don t sink your hands in your trousers' pockets. Don't whistle in public places, nor insid^i of houses either. Don't use your fingers or fists to beat a tattoo upon floor, desk or window panes. Don't examine other people's papers or letters scpUered Oil their desk. . _. Rules on Etiquette, 6» Don't bring a smell of spirits or tobacco into the presence of ladies. Never use either in the presence of ladies. Don't drink spirits; millions have tried it to their sorrow. ETIQUETTE ON THE STREET. 1. Your conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified. Ladies should carefully avoid all loud and boisterous conversation or laughter and all undue liveliness in public. 2. When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be absent-minded, as to fail to recognize a friend; do not go along reading a book or newspaper. 3. In walking with a lady on the street give her the inner side of the walk, unless the outside is tne safer part; in which case she is entitled to it, 4. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her comfort or safety requires it. At night the arm should always be offered; also in ascending the steps of a public building. 5. In crossing the street a lady should gracefully raise her dreaa a little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both hands is vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep. 6. A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume to join her in ner walk without first asking her permission. 7. If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company with her; you can take leave at the end of the street. 8. A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By so doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indignity at the hands of the rougher class. 9. Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark or soiled gloves, as you may soil hers. 10. A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to attract the attention of the other sex or of persons of her own sex. Her conduct is always modest ana unas- suming. Neither does a lady demand services or favors trom a gentleman She accepts them graciously always 60 Rules on Etiquette* expressing her thanks. A eentleman will not stand on the street corners, or in hotel doorways, or store windows and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass by. This is the exclusive business of loafers. 1 1. In walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross the street, do not disengage your arm ana go around upon the outside, unless the lady's comfort renders it necessary. In walking with a lady, where it is necessary for you to proceed singly, always go before her. iSWliji' ETIQUETTE BETWEEN SEXES. 1. A lady should be a lady and a gentleman a gentleman under any and all circumstances. 2. Female Indifference to Man.— There is nothing that affects the nature and pleasure of man so much as a proper and friendly recognition from a lady, and as women are mo-e or less dependent upon man's good-will, either for gain or pleasure, it surely stands to their interest to be reasonably pleasant and courteous in his presence or so- ciety. Indinerence is always a poor investment, whether in society or busines. 3. Gallantry and Ladyism should be a prominent feature in the education of young people. Politeness to ladies cul- tivates the intellect and refines the soul, and he who can be easy and entertaining in the society of ladies has mastered one of the greatest accomplishments. There is nothing taught in school, academy or college, that contributes so much to the happiness of man as a full development of his social and moral qualities. 4. Ladylike Etiquette. — No woman can afford to treat men rudely. A lady must have a high intellectual and moral ideal and hold herself above reproach. She must remember that the art of pleasing and entertaining gentle- . men is infinitely more ornamental than laces, ribbons or diamonds. Dress and glitter may please man, but it will never benefit him. 5. Cnltiyate Deficiencies.-- Men and women poorly sexed treat each other with more or less indifference, whereas a hearty sexuality inspires both to a right estimation of the faculties and qualities of each other. Those who are defi- cient should seek society and overcome their deficiencies. While some naturally inherit faculties as entertainers* others are compelled to acquire them by cultivation. \ RuUs &H EiiquttU, ASKINCt AN HONEST <|1Jl»TIOIff 6. Ladies' Society. — He who seeks ladies' society should seek an education and should have a pure heart and a pure mind. Read good, pure and wholesome literature and study human nature, ana you will always be a favorite in the society circle. 7. Woman Haters.-— Some men with little refinement and strong sensual feelings virtually insult and thereby disgust and repel every female they meet. They look upon woman with an inherent vulgarity, and doubt the virtue and integ- rity of all alike. But it is because they are generally insin^ 6 "~ ) 1 I 62 Jiu/*s on Etiquette. cere and impure themselves, and with such a nature culture and refinement are out of the question, there must be a revolution. 8. Men Haters. — Women who look upon all men as odious, corrupt or hateful, are no doubt so themselves, though they may be clad in silk and sparkle with diamonds and be as pretty as a lily ; but their hvpocrisy will out, and they can never win the heart of a faithful, conscientious and well balanced man. A good woman has broad ideas and great sympathy. She respects all men until they are proven unworthy. 9. Fond of Children,— The man who is naturally fond of children will make a good husband and a good father. So it behooves the young man, to notice children and cultivate the art of pleasing them. It will be a source of interest, education and permanent benefit to all. 10. Excessive Luxury. — Althoug^h the association with ladies is an expensive luxury, yet it is not an expensive education. It elevates, refines, sanctifies and purifies, and improves the whole man. A young man who has a pure and genuine respect for ladies, will not only make a good husband, but a good citizen as well. 11. Masculine Attention. — No woman is entitled to any more attention than her loveliness and ladylike conduct will command. Those who are most pleasing will receive the most attention, and those who desire more should aspire to acquire more by cultivating those graces and virtues which ennoble woman, but no lady should lower or distort her own true ideal, or smother and crucify her conscience, in order tc please any living man. A good man will admire a good woman, and deceptions cannot long be concealed. Her show of dry goods or glitter of jewels cannot long cover up her imperfections or deceptions. 12. Purity. — Purity of purpose will solve all social prob- lems. Let all stand on tnis exalted sexual platform, and teach every man just how to treat the female sex, and every woman how to behave towards the masculine ; and it will incomparably adorn the manners of both, make both happy in each other, and mutually develop each other's sexuahty and humanity. Practical Rules on Table Manners, ' Pfaetieal l^ules on Table Mai^tieirs. 1. Help ladies with a due appreciation ; do not overload the plate of any person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission. It spoils the meat for some persons. 2. Never put anything by force upon any one's plate. It Is extremely ill-bred, though extremely common, to press one to eat of anything. 3. If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce or gravy, do not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one Bide of them. Never load down a person's plate with anything. 4. As soon as you are helped, begin to eat, or at least begin to occupy yourself with what you have before you. Do not wait till your neighbors are served — a custom that was long ago abandoned. 6. Should you, however, find yourself at a table where they have the old-fashioned steel forks, eat wi»h your knife, as the Others do, and do not let it be oeen that you have any objeo tion to doing so. ^ I 6. Bread should l)e broken. To butter a largepiece of bread imd then bite it, as diiidren doi. Is sometbiog tbo knowiDSi .©ever do. •* "^ Mi. 6c Practical Rules on Table Manners, Hi I \\W- |i'-V. ■■ • A^ , • ^]. \\ '■■'•■■■II ''■ ^^^^^^^kj^^Bwh^k^^^hB&h^^^EbB^^VmJ Giving a Parlor Recitation. Social Duties. Man in Society is like a flow'r, Blown In its native bed. 'Tis there alone His faculties expanded in full bloom Shine out, there only reach their proper use.— COWPER. The primal duties shine aloft like stars ; The charities that soothe, and heal, and bless, Are scatter'd at the feet of man like flowers. •—Wordsworth.' jwt m •f'l . I!'!! !l: • i n 1 * i: '\>'u ill ^ 1' 1:1 !1 66 Sosial Duties, 1. Membership in Sociel^.—Many fail to get hold of the idea that they are members of society. They seem to sup- pose that the social machinery of tne world is s'if-operat- mg. They cast their first ballot with an emotion of pride, perhaps, but are sure to pay their first tax with a groan. They see political organizations in active existence; the parish, ana the church, and other important bodies that embrace in some form of society all men, are successfully operated; and yet these young men have no part or lot in the matter. They do not think of giving a day's time to society. 2. Begin Early.— One of the first things a young man should do is to see that he is acting his part in society. The earlier this is begun the better. I think that the opponents of secret societies in colleges have failed to esti- mate the benefit which it must be to every member to be obliged to contribute to the support of his particular organ- ization, and to assume personal care and responsibility as a member. If these societies have a tendency to teach the lessons of which I speak, they are a blessed thing. 3. Do Your Part. — Do your part, and be a man among men. Assume your portion of social responsibility, anr. see that you discharge it well. If you do not do this, then you are mean, and society has the right to despise you just as much as it chooses to do so. You are, to use a word more emphatic than agreeable, a sneak, and have not a claim upon your neighbors for a single polite word. 4. A Whining Complainer,— Society, as it is called, is far more apt to pay its dues to the individual than the indi- vidual to society. Have you, young man, who are at home whining over the fact that you cannot get into society, done anything to give you a claim to social recognition? Are you able to make any return for social recognition and social privileges? Do you know anything? What kind of coin do you propose to pay in the discharge of the obligation which comes upon you with social recognition? In other words, as a return for what you wish to have society do for you, what can you do for society? This is a very important question — more important to you than to society. The (question is, whether you will be a member of society by right, or by courtesy. If you have so mean a spirit as to be conteut CO be a beneficiary of society — to receive favors and to confer none — you have no business in the society to which you aspire. You are an exacting, conceited fellow, 5. What Are You Good For?— Are you a good beau, and are you willing to make yourself useful in waiting on the Social Duties. 67 ladies on all occasions? Have you a good set of teeth, which you are willing to show whenever the wit of the com- pany gets ofif a good thing ? Are you a true,^traightforward, manly fellow, with whose healthful and uncorrupted nature it is good for society to come in contact? In short, do you possess anything of any social value? If you do, and are willing to impart it, society will yield itself to youi touch. If you have nothing, then society, as such, owes you nothing. Christian philanthropy may put its arm around you, as a lonely young man, about to spoil for want of something, but it is very sad and humiliating for a young man to be brought to that. There are people who devote themselves to nursing young men, ana domg them good. If they invite you to tea, go by all means, and try your hand. If, in the course of the evening, you can prove to them that your society is desirable, you have won a point. Don't be patronized. 6. The Morbid Condition.— Young men, you are apt to get into a morbid state of mind, which declines them to social intercourse. They oecome devoted to business with such exclusiveness, that all social intercourse is irksome. They go out to tea as if they were goin^ to jail, and dra^ them- selves to a party as to an execution. This disposition is thoroughly morbid, and to be overcome by going where you a"*e invitea, always, and with a sacrifice or feeling. 7. The Common Blunder.— Don't shrink from contact with anything but bad morals. Men who affect your un- healthy minds with antipathy, will prove themselves very freq^uently to be your best friends and most delightful com- panions. Because a man seems uncongenial to you, who are squeamish and foolish, you have no right to shun him. We become charitable by knowing men. We learn to love those whom we have despised by rubbing against them. Do you not remember some instance of meeting a man or woman whom you had never previously known or cared to know — an individual, perhaps, against whom you have en- tertained the strongest prejudices — but to whom you became bound by a lifelong friendship through the influence of a three days* intercourse? Yet, if you had not thus met, you would have carried through life the idea that it would be impossible for you to give your fellowship to such an indi- vidual. 8. Tlie Foolishness of Man.— God has introduced into human character infinite variety, and for you to say that you do not love and will not associate with a man because ne is unlike you, is not only foolish but wrong. You are to remember that in the precise manner and degree in which !,l M i 1 ! W^ i nil;, i: ,■ 1 ' m V. ■ ■ k !i ■■ 1 1 i ; i 68 Social Duties, a man differs from you, do you differ from him; and that from his standpoint you are naturally as repulsive to him, as he, from your standpoint, is to you. So, leave all this talk of congeniality to silly girls and transcendental dreamers. Q. Do Business in Tonr IVay and Be Honest«— Do your business in your own way, and concede to every man the privilege which you claim for yourself. The more you mix with men, the less you will be disposed to quarrel, and the more charitable and liberal will you become. The fact that you do not understand a man, is quite as likely to be your fault as his. There are a good many chances in favor of the conclusion that, if you fail to like an '.i^.^vidual whose acoualntancc you make it is through your own ignorance ana illiberality. So I say, meet every man honestlj^ ; seek to know him; and you will find that in those points in which he differs from you rests his power to instruct you, enlarge vou, and do you good. Keep your heart open for every- Dody, and be sure that you snail have your reward. You shall find a iewel under the most uncouth exterior; and as- sociated with homeliest manners and oddest ways and ugliest faces, you will find rare virtues, fragrant little humanities, and inspiring heroisms. 10. Without Society, Without Inflnence.— Again: you can have no influence unless you are social. An unsocial man is as devoid of influence as an ice-peak is of verdure. It is through social contact and absolute social value alone that you can accomplish any great social good. It is through the invisible lines which you are able to attach to the mmds with which you are brought into association alone that you can tow society, with its deeply freighted interests, to the great haven of your hope. 11. The Revenge of Society. — The revenge which society takes upon the man who isolates himself, is as terrible as it is inevitable. The pride which sits alone will have the privilege of sitting alone in its sublime disgust till it drops into the grave. The world sweeps by the man, carelessly, remorselessly, contemptuously. He has no hold upon society, because he \a no part of it. 12. The Conclusion of the Whole Matter.-^You cannot move men until you are one of them. They will not follow you until they have heard your voice, shaken your hand, and fully learned your principles and your sympathies. It makes no difference now much you know, or how much you are capable of doing. You may pile accomplishment upon acquisition mountain high; but if you fail to be asocial man, demonstrating to society that your lot is with the rest, a Gathering Oranges, 69 little child with a song in its mouth, and a kiss for all and a pair of innocent hands to lay upon the knees, shall lead more hearts and change the direction of more lives than you. Qa%riQg ©ran^S in %\iz guQa{ goutl^. ili.i: '! ii; •■ I imi' ta Politeness^ Politeness. 1. Beautiful BehaYior.— Politeness has been described as the art of showing, by external signs, the internal regard we have for others. But one may be perfectly polite to another without necessarily paying a special regard for him. Good manners are neitner more nor less than beau- tiful behavior. It has been well said that "a beautiful form is better than a beautiful face, and a beautiful behav- ior is better than a beautiful form ; it gives a higher pleas- ure than statues or pictures— it is the finest of the fine arts." 2. True Politeness. — The truest politeness comes of sin- cerity. It must be the outcome of the heart, or it will make no lasting impression; for no amount of polish can dispense with truthfulness. The natural character must be allowed to appear, freed of its angularities and asperities. Though politeness, in its best form, should resemble water — "best when clearest, most simple, and without taste " — yet genius in a man will always cover many defects of manner, and much will be excused to the strong and the original. With- , out genuineness and individuality, human life would lose much of its interest and variety, as well as its manliness and robustness of character. % Personality of Others.— True politeness especially exhibits itself in regard for the personality of others. A man will respect the individuality of another if he wishes to be respected himself. He will have due regard for his views and opinions, even though they differ from his own. The well-mannered man pays a compliment to another, and sometimes even secures his respect by patiently listening to him. He is simply tolerant and forbearant, and refrains from judging harshly ; and harsh judgments of others will almost invariably provoke harsh judgments of ourselves. 4. The Impolite. — The impolite, impulsive man will, however, sometimes rather lose his friend than his joke- He may surely be pronounced a very foolish person who secures another's hatred at the price of a moment's gratifi- cation. It was a saying of Burnel, the engineer — himself one of the kindest-natured bf men — that "spite and ill- nature are among the most expensive luxuries m life." Dr. Johnson once said : " Sir, a man has no more ri^ht to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down. ' 5. Feelings of Others.— Want of respect for the feelin^^s of others usually originates in seliishness, and issues m i A Fotiteness, n hardness tnd repulsivenes . of manner. It may not uic/«:ec(l from malignity so much, as from want of sympatny, and want of delicacy— a want of that perception of, and atten- tion to, those little and apparently trifling things, by which pleasure is given or pain occasioned to others. Indeed, it may be said that in self-sacrifice in the ordinary intercourse of life, mainly consists the difference between being weii and ill bred. Without some degree of self-restraint in so- ciety a man may be found almost insufferable. No one has pleasure in holding intercourse with such a person, and he IS a constant source of annoyance to those about him. 6. Disregard of Others.— Men may show their disregard to others m various impolite ways, as, for instance, by neglect of propriety in dress, by the absence of cleanliness, or by indulging in repulsive habits. The slovenly, dirty person, by rendering himself physically disagreeable, sets the tastes and feelings of others .\ defiance, and is rude and uncivil, only under another form. 7. The Best School of Politeness.— The first and best school of politeness, as of character, is always the home, where woman is the teacher. The manners of society at large are but the reflex of the manners of our collective homes, neither better nor worse. Yet, with all the disadvan- tages of ungenial homes, men may practice self-culture of manner as of intellect, and learn by good examples to cul- tivate a graceful and agreeable behavior towards others. Most men are like so many gems in the rough, which need . polishing by contact with other and better natures, to bring out their full beauty and lustre. Some have but one side polished, sufficient only to show the delicate graining of the mterior; but to bring out the full qualities of the gem, needs the discipline of experience, and contact with the best examples of character in the intercourse of daily life. 8. Captiousness of Manner. — While captiousness of manner, and the habit of disputing and contradicting every thing said, is chilling and repulsive, the opposite habit of assenting to, and sympathizing with, every statement made, or emotion expressed, is almost equally disagreeable. It is unmanly, and is felt to be dishonest. " It may seem diffi- cult," says Richard Sharp, " to steer always between blunt- ness ana plain dealing, between merited praises and lavish- ing indiscriminate flattery; but it is very easyr— good humor, kindheartedness, and perfect simplicity, being all that are requisite to do what is right in the right way." At the same •ime many are impolite, not because they mean to be so, but pecause tney are awkward, and perhaps know no better^ :■ P |ii^ l'l;i !i'i %2 Politeness, W^'y\ 1 1.'.. 9. Shy f eople*- -Again many persons are thought to be stiff, reserved, and proud, when tney are only shy. Shyness is characteristic of most people of the Teutonic race. From all that can be learned 01 Shakespeare, it is to be inferred that he was au exceedingly shy man. The manner in which his plays were sent into the world — for it is not kno". ii hac he edit i or ^tbrized the publication of a single one of thf-m— '.ndi '^ aj i 3 at wl^ich thty respectively appeared, «re meie r ;atier- of conjecture. 10. Sel£->'^»rb©?i^V!lness.— True politeness is best evinced by self-forgetfulnt s , or self-denial in the interest of others. Mr. Garfield, oui martyred president, was a gentleman of royal type. His friend. Col. Rockwell, says of him: ''In the midbt of his suffering he never forgets others. For in- stance, to-day he said to me, 'Rockwell, there is a poor soldier's widow who came to me before this thing occurred, and I promised her, she should be provided for. I want you to see that the matter is attended to at once.' He is the most docile patient I ever saw." 11. Its Bright Side.— 'We have thus far spoken of shyness as a defect. But there is another way of looking at it ; for even shyness has its bright side, and contains an element o^ good. Shy men and shy races are ungraceful and un- demonstrative, because, as regards society at larfje, they are compar itively unsociable. They do not possess those elegfances of manner acquired by free intercourse, which distinguish the social races, because their tendency is to shun society rather than to seek it. They^ are shy in the presence or strangers, and shy even in their own families. They hide their affections under a robe of reserve, and when they do give way to their feelings, it is^ only in some very hidden inner chamber. And yet, the feelings are there, and not the less healthy and genuine, though they are not made the subject of exhibition to others. 12. Worthy of CaltiTation,— While, therefore, grace of manner, politeness of behavior, elegance of demeanor, and all the arts that contribute to make life pleasant and beauti- ful, are worthy of cultivation, it must not be at the expense of the more solid and enduring qualities of honesty, sincer- ity, and truthfulness. The ^untain of beauty must be in the heart more than in the eye, and if it does not tend to produce beautiful life and noble practice, it will prove of comparatively little avail. Politeness of manner is not worth mucn, unless it is accompanied by polite actions. r^T^ Influence of Good Character. 78 Influeiice of Good Character. " Unless above himself he can Erect himself, how poor a tiling is man I "- -Danixl* "Character is moral order seen through the medium of an indl* vidual nature— Men of character are the conscience of the societj to which they belong."— Emerson. "The purest treasure mortal times afford, Is— spotless reputation ; that away, Men are but gilded loam, cr painted '.i^y, Ajewelinaten-times-barr'd-upohv v Is— a bold Spirit in a loyal breast."- bHv jspearb. 1. Reputation.— The two most prec^ou ; things this side the grave are our reputation and ou. I'fe But it is to be lamented that the most contemptibk w:, spcr may deprive us of the one, and the weakest weap« of the other. A wise man, therefore, will be more anxious : deserve a fair name than to possess it, and this will teach him so to live as not to be afraid to die. 2. Character.— Character is one of the greatest motive powers in the world. In its noblest embodiments, it exem- plifies human nature in its highest forms, for it exhibits man at his best. 3. The Heart That Rnles in Life.— Although genius always commands admiration, character most secures re- spect. The former is more the product of brain power, the latter of heart power; and in the long run it is the heart that rules in life. Men of genius stand to society in the relation of its intellect as men of character of its conscience ; and while the former are admired, the latter are followed. 4. The Highest Ideal of Jufe and Character. —Common- Elace though it may appear, this doing of one's duty em- odies the highest ideal of life and character. There may be nothing heroic about it ; but the common lot of men is not heroic. And though the abiding sense of duty upholds man in his highest attitudes, it also equally sustains him in the transaction of the ordinary affairs of every-day existence. Man's life is "centered in the sphere of common duties." The most influential of all the virtues are those which are the most in request for daily use. They wear the best, and last the longest. 5. Wealth,— Wealth in the hands of men of weak pur- pose, or deficient self-control, or of ill-regulated passions, is ill ' h . P' ' ■' t; r ' ■ |,; ' f* -,; i «i' ' pi'Hh i|v' '• II ■■ i i.ii;: a '«!ii Infiuence of Good Character, on/y a temptation and a snare— the source, it may be, of in- finite mischief to themselves, and often to others. On the contrary, a condition of comparative poverty is compatible with character in its highest form. A man may possess only his industry, his frugality, his integrity, and yet stand high in the rank of true manhood. The advice which Burns's father gave him was the best : < "He bade me act a manly part, though I had ne'er a farthing, For without an honeat manly heart no man was worth regarding." 6. Character if Property,— It is the noblest of posses- sions. It is an estate in the general eood will and respect of men; they who invest in it — though they may not become rich in this world's goods — will find their reward in esteem and reputation fairly and honorably won. And it is right that in life good qualUies should tell — that industry, virtue and goodness should rank the highest — and that the really best men should be foremost. 7. Simple Honesty of Parpose.— This in a man goes a long way in life, if founded on a just estimate of himself and a steady obedience to the rule he knows and feels to be right. It holds a man straight, gives him strength and sus- tenance, and forms a mainspring of vigorous action. No man, is bound to be rich or great— no, nor to be wise, but every man is bound to be honest and virtuous. be, of in- )verty is nan may rity, and e advice log, arding." posses- respect become 1 esteem t is right y, virtue le really igoes a iselfand els to be and sus- on. No vise, but m) HEAVENLY MUSIC. Tl Family Government, 'f. I f'. ''%. $1 Family Goyernment. X. Gentleness Mast Characterize Ererj Act of Anthor^ Ity. — The storm of excitement that may make the child start, bears no relation to actual obedience. The inner firmness, that sees and feels a moral conviction and expects obedience, is only disguised and defeated by bluster. The more calm and direct it is, the greater certainty it has of doqiiinion. 2. For the Gorernment of Small Children.— For the government of small children speak only in the authority of love, yet authority, loving and to be obeyed. The most im- portant lesson to impart is obedience to authority as author- ity. The question or salvation with most children will be settled as soon as they learn to obey parental authority. It establishes a habit and order of mind that is ready to ac- cept divine authority. This precludes skepticism and dis- obedience, and induces that childlike trust and spirit set forth as a necessary state of salvation. Children that are never made to obey are left to drift into the sea of passion where the pressure for surrender only tends to drive them at greater speed from the haven of safety. 3. Habits of 8elf-0enlal.— Form in the child habits of self-denial, Pampering never matures good character. 4. Emphasize Integrity.— Keep the moral tissues tough in integrity; then it will hold a nook of obligations when once set in a sure place. There is nothing more vital. Shape all your experiments to preserve the integrity. Do not so reward it that it becomes ir^crcenary. Turning State's evidence is a dangerous experiment in morals. Prevent deceit from succeeding. 5. Guard Modesty. — To be brazen is to imperii some of the best elements of character. Modesty may be strength- ened into a becoming confidence, but brazen tacedness can seldom be toned down into decencyr It requires the miracle of grace. 6. Protect Purity.— Teach your children to loathe im- purity. Study the character of their playmates. Watch their books. Keep them from corruption at all cost. The groups of youth in the school and in society, and in business places, seed with improprieties of word ana thought. Never relax your vigilance along this exposed border. 7. Threaten the Least Possible.— In family government threaten the least possible. Some parents rattle oflE their commands with penalties so profusely that there is a steady BOTH PUZZLED. ^n) f: H 1. i^'V' 1 il l-»«l:' % 78 Family Government, These threats are by the child. All roar of hostilities about the child's head, forgotten by the parent and unheeded government is at an end. 8. Do Not Enforce Too Many Commands.— Leave a»few things within the range of the child's knowledge that are not forbidden. Keep your word good, but do not have too much of it out to be redeemed. 9. Panish as Little as Possible. —Sometimes punish- ment is nec?fessary, but the less it is resorted to the better. 10. Never Punish in a Passion.— Wrath only becomes cruelty. There is no moral power in it. When you seem to be angry you can do no good. 11. Brutish Violence Only Multiplies Offenders.— Strik- ing and beating the body seldom reaches the soul. Fear and hatred beget rebellion. 12. Punish Privately. — Avoid punishments that break down self-respect; Striking the body produces shame and indignation. It is enough for the other children to know that discipline is being administered. 13. Never Stop Short of Success.— When the child is nof conquered the punishment has been worse ihan wasted. Reach the point where neither wrath nor sullenness remain. By firm persistency and persuasion recjuire an open look of recognition and peace. It is only evil to stir up the devil unless he is cast out. Ordinarily one complete victory will last a child for a lifetime. But if the child relapses, repeat *he dose with proper accompaniments. 14. Do Not Require Children to Complain of Themselves for Pardon. — It begets either sycophants or liars. It is the part ot the government to detect offences. It reverses the order of matters to shirk this duty. 15. Orade Authority Up to Liberty.— The growing child must have experiments of freedom. Lead him gently into the family. Counsel with him. Let him plan as he can. By and by he has the confidence of courage without the danger of exposures. 16. Respect.— Parents must respect each other. Under- mining either undermines both. Always govern in the spirit of love. Conversation. 71 8ELF-IMPROVENENT. '*Much Reading Makes a Ready Talker." Conyersation. Some men are very entertaining for a first Interview, but after that they are exhausted, and run out; on a second meeting we shall find them Tcry dat and monotonous; like iiand-organs, we ha^e all ueard their tunes. — COULTON. He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly an- swears, and eeases when he has no more to say, is in possession of some of the best requisites of man. — Lavater. Beauty is never so lovely as when adorned with the smile, and conversa- tion never sits easier upon us than when we know and then discharge our- selves in a symphony of Laughter, which may not improperly be called the Chorus of Conversation. Stkelb. The first ingredient in Conversation is Truth, the next Good Hense* the third Good Humor, and ibe fourth Wit.— Sib< William Tbmplk. 11 kni ' > Conversation, Home Lessons in Conyersatlon. Say nothing unpleasant when it can be avoided. Avoid satire and sarcasm. Never repeat a word that was not intended for repeti- tion. Cultivate the supreme wisdom, which consists less in saying what ought to be said than in not saying what ought not to be said. Often cultivate "flashes of silence^" It is the larger half of the conversation to listen well. Listen to otners patiently, especially the poor. . Sharp sayings are an evidence of low breeding. Shun faultfinding and faultfinders. Never utter an uncomplimentary word against any one. Compliments delicately hinted and sincerely intended are a grace in conversation. Commendation of gifts and cleverness properly put are in good taste, but praise of beauty is offensive.- Repeating kind expressions is proper. Compliments given in a joke may be gratefully received in earnest. The mannei and tone are important parts of a com- pli aent. Avoid egotism. Don't talk of yourself, or of your friends or your deeds. Give no sign that you appreciate your own merits. Do not become a distributer of the small talk of a com- munity. The smiles of your auditors do not mean respect. Avoid giving the impression of one filled with "sup- pressed egotism. Nevtr mention your own peculiarities ; for culture destroys vanity. Avoid exaggeration. Do not be too positive. Do not talk to display oratory. Do not try to lead in conversation, looking around to enforce silence. Lay aside affected silly etiquette for the natural dictates of the heart. Direct the conversation where others can join with you, and impart to you useful information. Avoid oddity. Eccentricity is shallow vanity. Be modest. Be what you wish to seem. Avoid repeating a brilliant or clever saying. (0 Q) 0) (£ Q U. Z ^ 'ft 1 i jii'i 1 . i 82 Convirsation. If you find bash^ulness or embarrassment coming upon you, do or say something at once. The commonest matter gently stated is better than an embarrassing silence. Some- times changing your position, or looking into a book for a moment may relieve your embarrassment, and dispel any settling stiffness. Avoid telling many stories, or repeating a story more than once in the same company. Never treat anyone as if you simply wanted him to tell stories. People laugh and despise such a one. Never tell a coarse story. No wit or preface can make it excusable. Tell a story, if at all, only as an illustration, and not for itself. Tell it accurately. Be careful in asking questions for the purpose of start- ing conversation or drawing out a person, not to be rude or Intrusive. Never take liberties by staring, or by any rudeness. Never infringe upon any established regulations among Itrangers. Do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. JThe right will appear. You need only give it a chance. Avoid argument in conversation. It is discourteous to your host. Cultivate paradoxes in conversation with your peers. They add interest to common-place matters. To strike the harmless faith of ordinary people in any public idol is waste, but such a movement with those able to reply is better. Never discourse upon your ailments. Never use words of the meaning or pronunciation of which you are uncertain. Avoid discussing your own or other people's domestic concerns. Never prompt 'a slow speaker, as if you had all the ability. In conversing with a foreigner who may be learning our language, it is excusable to help him in some delicate way. Never give advice unasked. Do not manifest impatience. Do not interrupt another when speaking. Do not find fault, though you may gently criticise. Do not appear to notice inaccuracies of speech in others. Do not always commence a conversation by allusion to the weather. Di. not, when narrating an incident, continup'ly say, " you ste," " you know." Conversation, J^ Do not allow yourself to lose temper or speak excitedly. Do not introduce professional or other topics that the company generally cannot take an interest in. Do not talk very loud. A firm, clear, distinct, yet mild, gentle, and musical voice has great power. Do not be absent-minded, requiring the speaker to re- peat what has been said that you may understand. Do not try to force yourself into the confidence of others. Do not use profanity, vulgar terms, words of double meaning, or language that will bring the blush to anyone. Do not allow yourself to speak ill of the absent one if it caa be avoided. The day may come when some friend wiii be needed to defend you in your absence. Do not speak with conteiwjJt and ridicule of a locality which you may be visiting. Find something to truthfully praise and commend; thus make yourself agreeable. Do not make a pretense of gentility, nor parade the fact that you are a descendant of any notable family. You must pass for just what you are, and must stand on your own merit. Do not contradict. In making a correction say, "I bc^ your pardon, but I had the impression that It was so and so. ' Be careful in contradicting, as you mav be wrong yourself. Do not be unduly familiar; you will merit contempt if you are. Neither should you be dogmacic in your asser- tions, arrogating to yourself such consequences in your opinions. Do not be too lavish in your praise of various members of your own family when speaking to strang( s; the person to whom you are speaking may know some ilts that you do not. Do not feel it incumbent upon you t\l to carry your point in conversation. Should the per . . with whom you are conversing feel the same, your talk may lead into vio- lent argument. Do not try to pry into the private affairs of others by asking what their profits are, what th igs cost, whether Me- lissa ever had a beau, andwhy Amarc.te never got married? All such questions are extremely impertinent and are likely to meet with rebuke. Do not whisper in company; do not engage in private conversation; do not speak a foreign language which the general company present may not understand, unless it is understood that the foreigner is unable to speak your own language. » m\-' ■!■ M Widower Jones and Widow Smith. rson, W'-\ ' IMPORTANT RULES. 1. Good Appearance. — The first care of all persons should be for their personal appearance. Those who are slovenly or careless in their habits are unfit for refined so- ciety, and cannot possibly make a good appearance in it. A well-bred person will always cultiv?ae haoits of the most scrupulous neatness. A gentleman or lady is always well- dressed. The garment may be plain or of coarse material, or even worn "thin and shiny," but if it is carefully brushed and neat, it can be worn with dignity. yvir: The Toilet. 86 2. Personal Cleanliness.— Personal appearance depends greatly on the careful toilet and scrupulous attention to dress. The first point which marks the gentleman or lady in appearance is rigid cleanliness. This remark supplies to the body and everything which covers it. A clean skin — only to be secured by frequent baths — is indispensable. 8. The Teeth.— The teeth should receive the utmost at- *tention. Many a young man has been disgusted with a lady by seeing her unclean and discolored teeth. It takes but a few moments, and if necessary secure some simple tooth powder or rub the teeth thoroughly every day with a linen handkerchief, and it will give the teeth and mouth a beautiful and clean appearance. 4. The Hair and Beard.— The hair should be thoroughly brushed and well kept, and the beard of men properly trimmed. Men should not let their hair grow long and shaggy. 6. Underclothing.— 1 he matter of cleanliness extends to all articles of clothing, underwear as well as the outer-cloth- ing. Cleanliness is a mark of true utility. The clothes need not necessarily be of a ricV at /, expensive quality, but they can all be kept clean. Son.e persons have an odor about them that is very offensive, simply on account of their underclothing being worn too long witnout washing. This odor of course cannot be detected by the person who wearj the soiled garments, but other persons easily detect it anc are offended by it. 6. The liath. — No person should think for a moment that they can be popular in society without regular bathing. A bath should be taken at least once a week, and if the feet perspire they should be washed several times a week, as the case may require. It is not unfrequent that young men are seen with dirty ears and neck. This is unpardonable and boorish, and shows gross neglect. Occasionally a young lady will be called upon unexpectedly when her neck and smiling face are not emblems of cleanliness. Every lady owes it to herself to be fascinating ; every gentleman is bound, for his own sake, to be presentable ; but beyond this there is the obligation to society, to one's friends, and to those with whom we may be brought in contact. 7. Soiled Garments. — A young man's garments may not be expensive, yet there is no excuse for wearing a soiled collar and a soiled shirt, or carrying a soiled handkerchief. No one should appear as thcugh he had slept in a stable, shaggy hair, soiled clothing or garments indifferentlv put on and carelessly buttoned. A young man's vest shoula always be kept buttoned in the presence of ladies. ii' 86 The Toilet. 8. The Breath. — Care should be taken to remedy an of- fensive breath without delay. Nothing renders one so un- pleasant to one's acquaintance, or is such a source of misery to one's self. The evil may be from some derangement of the stomach or some defective condition of the teeth, or catarrhal affection of the throat and nose. See remedies in other portions of the book. A YOUNG MAN'S PERSONAL APPEARANCE. Dress changes the manners. — Voltaire. Whose garments wither, shall receive faded smiles. -Sheridan Kmowles. Men of sense foUuvr fashion so far that they are neither conspicuous for their excess nor peculiar by their opposition to it.— Anonymous. 1. A well-dressed man does not require so much an ex- tensive as a varied wardrobe. He does not need a different suit for every season and every occasion, but if he is care- ful to select clothes that are simple and not striking or conspicuous, he may use the garment over and ovei regain without their being noticed, provided they are suitable to the season and the occasion. 2. A clean shirt, collar and cuffs always make a young man look neat and tidy, even If his clothes are not of the latest pattern and are somev/hat tlueadbare. 3. rropriety is outraged when a man of sixty dresses like a youth of sixteen. It is bad manners for a gentleman to use perfumes to a noticeable extent. Avoid affecting sing- ularity in dress. Expensive clothes are no sign of a gentle- man. 4. When dressed for company, strive to appear easy and natural. Nothing is more distre. sin^ to a sensitive person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with refinement, than to see a lady laboring under the consciousness of a fine gown; or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward and ungainly in a brand-new coat. 5. Avoid what is called the " ruffianly style of dress" or the slouchy appearance of a half-unbottoned vest, and suspenderless pantaloons. That sort of affectation is, if possible, even more disgusting than the painfully elab- orate frippery of the dandy or dude. Keep your clothes well brusned and keep them cleaned. Slight spots can be removed with a little sponge and soap and water. 6. A gentleman should never wear a high hat unless he has on a frock coat or a dress suit. 7. A man's jewelry should be good and simple. Brass or false jewelry, like other forms of falsehood, is vulgar. Wearing many cheap decorations is a serious fault. The Toilet. The JDade of ibe 17tb €«ntnry 8 If a man wears a ring it should be on the third finger of the left hand. This is the only piece of jewelry a man is allowed to wear that does not serve a purpose. 9. Wearing imitations of diamonds is always m very bad taste. . . „ , , -i- , 1 10. Every man looks better m a full beard if he keeps it well trimmed. If a man shaves he should shave at least every other day, unless he is in the country. 11. The finger-nails should be kept cut, and the teeth should be cleaned every morning, and kept clear from tartar. A man who does not keep his teeth clean does not look like a gentleman when he shows them. _ % Dress, '■yi^ifiir I I Dress. , We sacrifice to dress, till household joys And comforts cease. Dress drains our cellar dry. And keeps our larder lean. Puts out our fires, And Introduces hunger, frost, and woe, Where peace and hospitality might reign. . — COWPER, I. God is a LoYer of Dress.— We cannot but feel that God is a lover of dress. He has put on robes of beauty and glory upon all his works. Every flower is dressed in rich- ness; every field blushes beneath a mantle of beauty; evef, star \s veiled in brightness ; every bird is clothed in the Dress, habilimentt of the most exquisite taste. The cattle upon the thousand hills are dressed by the hand divine. Who, studying God in his works, can doubt, that he will smile upon the evidence of correct taste manifested by his chil- dren in clothing the forms he has made them ? 2. Love of Dress. — To love dress is not to be a slave of fashion ; to love dress only is the test of such homage. To transact the business of charity in a silken dress, and to go in a carriage to the work, injures neither the work nor the worker. The slave of fashion is one who assumes the livery of a princess, and then omits the errand of the good human soul; dresses in elegance, and goes upon no good errand, and thinks and does nothing of value to mankind. 3. Beauty in Dress. — Beauty in dress is a good thin^, rail at It who may. But it is a lower beauty, for which a higher beauty should not be sacrificed They love dresses too much who give it their first thought, their best time, or all their money; who for it neglect the culture of their mind or heart, or the claims of others on their service; who care more for their dress than their disposition ; who are troubled more by an unfashionable bonnet than a neglected duty. 4. Simplicity of Dress.— Female lovliness never appears to so good advantage as when set off by simplicity of dress. No artist ever decks his angels with towering feathers and gaudy jewelry ; and our dear human angels — if they would make good their title to that name— should carefully avoid ornaments, which properly belong to Indian squaws and African princesses. These tinselries may serve to give effect on the stage, or upon the ball room floor, but in cfaily life there is no substitute for the charm of simplicity. A vulgar taste is not to be disguised by gold or diamonds. The absence of a true taste and refinement of delicacy cannot be compensated for by the possession of the most princely fortune. Mind measures gold, but gold cannot measure mind. Through dress the mind may be read, as through the delicate tissue the lettered page. A modest woman will dress modestly; a really refined and intelligent woman will bear the marks of careful selection and fault- less taste. 5. People of Sense.— A coat that has the mark of use upon it, is a recommendation to the people of sense, and a hat with too much nap, and too high lustre, a derogatory circumstance. The best coats in our streets are worn on the backs of penniless fops, broken down merchants, clerks with pitiful salaries, and men that do not pay up. The heaviest gold chains dangle from the fobs of gamblers and gentlemen of very limited means ; costly ornaments oa J^. -'^> IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-S) ^• .^> V\<^< A 4^ .^' ^ 1.0 1^121 12.5 _-__ uj |2|2 ■ 2.2 1.1 us 12^ IE 1.25 II U 1 ,.6 < 6" » V5 ^;. '/ /^ Photographic Sciences Corporation 23 WIST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. MSSO (716) 872-4503 !|!.:'i I ■,(,: ; •0 Drifts. m- Sj.'j.i ladies, indicate to the eyes that are well opened, the fact of a silly lover or husband cramped for funds. 6. Plain and Neat* — When a pretty woman goes by in plain and neat apparel, it is the presumption that she hat fair expectations, and a husband that can show a balance in his favor. For women are like books,— too much gilding makes men suspicious, that the binding is the most impor- tant part. The body is the shell of the soul, and the dress is the husk of the body; but the husk generallv tells what the kernel is. Asa fashionably dressed young lady passed some gentlemen, one of them raised his hat, whereupon another, struck by the fine appearance of the lady, made some inquiries concerning her, and was answered thus: " She makes a pretty ornament in her father's house, but otherwise is of no use." 7. The Richest Dress* — The richest dress is always worn on the soul. The adornments that will not perish, and that all men most admire, shine from the heart tnrough this life. God has made it our highest, holiest duty, to dress the soul he has given us. It is wicked to waste it in iri- volity. It is a beautiful, undying, precious thing. If every young woman would think of her soul when she looks in the glass, would hear the cry of her naked mind when she dallies away her precious hours at her toilet, would listen to the sad moaning of her hollow heart, as it wails through her idle, useless life, somethincj would be done for the eleva- tion of womanhood. 8. Dressing Up.— Compare a well-dressed body with a well-dressed mind. Compare a taste for dress with a taste for knowledge, culture, virtue, and piety. Dress up an igno- rant young woman in the " height of fashion ' ; put on plumes and flowers, diamonds and gew^faws; paint her face, girt up her waist, and I ask you, if this side of a painted and feathered savage you can find anything more unpleasant to behold. And yet such young women we meet by the hundred every day on the street and in all our public places. It is awful to think of. 9. Dress Affects onr Manners.— A man who is badly dressed, feels chilly, sweaty, and prickly. He stammers, and does not always tell the truth. He means to, perhaps, but he can't. He is half distracted about his pantaloons, which are much to short, and are constantly hitcning up; or his frayed jacket and crumpled linen harrow his soul, and quite unman him. He treads on the train of a lady's dress, and says, " Thank you ", sits down on his hat, and wishes the " desert were his dwelling place "• Beauty, n Beauty. ' She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies { And all that's best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and in her eyes; Thus mellowed to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies." — BraoN. I. The Hiffhest Style of Beauty.— The highest style of beauty to be found in nature pertains to the human form, as animated and lighted up by the intelligence within. It is the expression of the soul that constitutes this superior beauty. It is that which looks out of the eye, which sits in calm majesty on the brow, lurks on the lip, smiles on the cheek, is set forth in the chiselled lines and features of the countenance, in the general contour of figure and form, in the movement, and gesture, and tone; it is this looking out of the invisible spirit that dwells within, this manifestation of the higher nature, that we admire and love; this consti* tutes to us the beauty of our species. «il' '\, i! I I! M Beauty, 2. Beanty Whicb Perishes Not.— There is a beauty which perishes not. It is such as the angels wear. It forms the washed white robes of the saints. It wreathes the counte- nance of every doer of good. It adorns every honest face. It shines in the virtuous life. It molds the hands of charity. It sweetens the voice of sympathy. It sparkles on the brow of wisdom. It flashes in the eye of love. It breathes in the spirit of piety. It is the beauty of the heaven of heavens. It is that which may grow by the hand of culture in every human soul. It is tne flower of the spirit which blossoms on the tree of life. . Every soul may plant and nurture it in its own garden, in its own Eden. 3. We Ma^ All Be Beautiful.— This is the capacity of beauty that God has given to the human soul, and this the beauty placed within the reach of all. We may all be beautiful. Though our forms may be uncomely and our features not the prettiest, our spirits may be beautiful. A^id this inward beauty always shines through. A beautiful heart will flash out in the eye. A lovely soul will glow in the face, A sweet spirit will tune the voice, wreathe the countenance in charms. Oh, there is a power in interior beauty that melts the hardest heart I 4. Woman the Host Perfect Type of Beauty.— Woman, by common consent, we regard as the most perfect type of beauty on earth. To her we ascribe the highest cnarms belonging to this wonderful element so profusely mingled in all God's works. Her form is molded and flnisned in ex- quisite delicacy of perfection. The earth gives us no fori., more perfect, no features more symmetrical, no style more chaste, no movements more graceful, no finish more com- plete; so that our artists ever have and ever will regard the woman-form of humanity as the most perfect earthly type of beauty. This form is most perfect and symmetrical io the youth of womanhood; so that the youthful woman is earth's queen of beauty. This is true, not only by the com- mon consient of mankind, but also by the strictest rules of scientific criticism. 5. Fadeless Beauty.— There cannot be a picture withou its bright spots; and the steady contemplation of what i:. . bright m others, has a reflex Influence upon the beholder. It reproduces what it reflects. Nay, it seems to leave an impress even upon the countenance. The feature, from having a dark, sinister aspect, becomes open, serene, and sunny. A countenance so impressed, has neither the vacant stare of the idiot, nor the crafty, penetratinelook of the basilisk, but the clear, placid aspect of truth ana goodness. The woman 9 s D P s.— Keep your feet warm by soaking them often in hot water, and keep your hands out of the water ILS much as possible. Rub your hands with the skin of a lemon and it will whiten them. If your sk.in will bear glycerine after you have washed, pour into the palm a little glycerine and lemon Juice mixed, and rub over the hands and wipe off. 3. Neck and Facb.—Do not bathe the neck and face Just before or afvcr being out of doors. It tends to wrinkle the skin. 4. Scowls.— Never allow yourself to scowl, even if the sun be in your eyes. That scowl will soon leave its trace and no beauty will outlive it. K'J III itiji ii.i' H^^' ^^'' ' ,11, ill H SmsidU Helps to Beauty, 5. Wrinkled Fokehead.— If you wrinkle your foreiiead when you talk or read, visit au oculist and have your eyes tested, Bud then wear glasses to fit tliem. ft. Old Looks.— Sometimes your face looks old because it Is tired. Then apply the following wa^h and it will make you loolc younger : Put three drops of ammonia, a little lK)rax, a tablespoonful of bay rum, and a few drops of camphor into warm water and apply to your face, .k void getting it into your eyes. 7 The Best Cosmetic— Squeeze t) e Juice of a lemon into a pint of sweet milk. Wash the face witii it every night and in tlie morning wash off with warm i«in water, This will produce a very beautiful effect upon the skin. 8. Spots on the Face.— Moles and many other discolor* ations may be removed from the face by a preparation composed of one part chemically pure carbolic acid and two parts pure glycerine. Touch the spots with a camel's-hair pencil, l)eing careful that the preparation does not come in contact with the adjacent skin. Five minutes after touching, batlie with soft water and apply a little va.seline. It may be necessary to repeat the operation, but if persisted in, the blemishes will be entirely removed. 9. Wrinkles.— Tills prescription Is said to cure wrin* kles : Take one ounce of white wax and melt it to a gentle heat. Add two ounces of the Juice of lily bulbs, two ounces of honey, two drams of rose water, and a drop or two of ottar of roses. Apply twice a day, rubbing the wrinkles the wrong way. Always use tepid water for washing the face. 10. The Hair.— Tlie hair must be kept free from dust or it will fall out. One of the best things for cleaning it, is a raw egg rubbed into the roots and then washed out in several waters. The egg furnishes material for the hair to grow on, while keeping the scalp perfectly clean. Apply once a month. 11. Loss OF nAiR.— When through sickness or headache the hair falls out, the following tonio may be applied with good effect: Use one ounce of glycerine, one ounce of bay rum, one pint of strong sage tea, and apply every other nighU tabbing well into the scalp. ihead eyes To Preserve the Bloom and Grace of Youth. 9> How to Keep the Bloom and Grace of Youth. THE SECRET OF ITS PRESERVATION. I. The question most often asked by women is regarding the art of retaining, with ad- vancing years, the oloom and grace of youth. This secret IS not learned through the an- alysis of chemical compounds, but by a thorough study of na- ture's laws peculiar to their sex. It is useless for women with wrinkled faces, dimmed eyes and blemished skins to seek for external applications of beautifying balms and lo- tions to brmg the glow of life and health into the face, and yet there are truths, simple yet wonderful, whereby the bloom of early life can be restored and retained, as should be the heritage of all God's children, send- ing the light of beauty into every woman's face. The secret : 2. Do not bathe in hard water ; soften it with a few drops of ammonia, or a little borax. 3. Do not bathe the face while it is very warm, aad never use very cold water. 4. Do not attempt to re move dust with cold water ; give your face a hot bath, using plenty of good soap, then give it a thorough rinsing with warm water. 5. Do not rub your face with a coarse towel. o. Do not believe you can remove wrinkles by tilling ia the crevices with powder. Give your face a Russian bath every night ; that is, bathe it with water so hot that you wonder how you can bear it, and then, a minute after, with moderately cold water, that will make your face glow with warmth ; dry it with a soft towel* -/s,rT(. Wife of President Carnot, of Prance. i;i! Form and Deformity, 1^ 1 '1; 11 i: • 1 ■ '1 ; 11 :K'^ M. i' '' MALE. FEMALE. Showing the Difference In Form and Propo^lon, Form and Deformity. 1. Physical Deformities. — Masquerading^ is a modern accomplishment. Girls wear ivghx. shoes, burdensome skirts, corsets, etc., all of which prove so fatal to their health. At the age of seventeen or eighteen, our " young ladies " are sorry specimens of feminality ; and palpitators, cosmetics and all tne modern paraphernalia are required to make them appear fresh and bloomm^. Man is equally at fault. A devotee to all the absurd devices of fashion, he practically asserts that "dress makes the man." But physical deformities are of far less importance than moral imperfections. 2. Deyelopment of the IndiTidnal. — It is not possible for human beings to attain their full stature of humanity, except hy loving long and perfectly. Behold that venerable man! he is mature in judgment, perfect in every action and expression, and saintly in goodness. You almost worship aF you behold. What rendered him thus perfect ? What Form and Deformity » rounded off his natural asperities, and moulded up his virt* ues ? Love mainly. It permeated every pore, and iea* soned every fibre of his being, as could nothm? else. Mark that matronly woman. In the bosom of her family she is more than a queen and goddess combined. All her looks and actions express the outflowing of some or all of the human virtues. To know her is to love her. She became Uius perfect, not in a day or year, but by a long series of appropriate means. Then by what ? Chiefly in and by love, which is specially adapted thus to develop this ma- turity. 3. Physical Stature. — Men and women generally in- crease in stature until the twent^'flfth year, and it is safe to assume, that perfection of function is not established until maturity of bodily development is completed. The physi- cal contour of these representations plainly exhibits the difference in structure, and also implies difference of func- tion. Solidity and strength are represented bv the organ- ization of the male, grace and beauty by that ot the female. His broad shoulders represent physical power and the right of dominion, while her bosom is the symbol of love and nutrition. HOW TO DETERMINE A PERFECT HUMAIf FIGURE. The proportions of the perfect human figures are strictly mathematical. The whole figure is six times the length of die foot. Whether the form oe slender or plump, this rule holds good. Any deviation from it is a departure from the highest beauty of proportion. The Greeks made all th^ir statues accoraing to this rule. The face, from the highest point of Uie forehead, where the hair begins, to the end of the chin, is one-tenth of the whole statue. The hand, from the wrist to the end of the middle finger, is the same. The chest Is a fourth, and from the nipples to the top of the head is the same. From the top of tne chest to the highest point of the forehead is a seventh. If the length 01 the face, from the roots of the hair to the chin, be divided into three equal parts, the first division determines the point where the eyebrows meet, and the second the place of the nostrils. The navel is the central point of the human body; and if a man should lie on his back with his arms and legs extended, the periphery of the circle which might be de. ecribed around him, with the navel for its center, would touch the extremities of his hands and feet. The height from the feet to the top of the head is the same as the 100 Form and Deformity. distance from the ez' tremity of one hand to the extremity of the oth- er when the arms are extended. The Venus de Medici is considered the most perfect model of the fe- male forms, and has been the admiration of the world for ages. Al- exander Walker, after minutely describing this celebrated statue, says: " All these admirable characteristics of the female form, the mere existence of which in woman must, one is tempted to imagine, be, even to herself, a source of ineffable pleasure, these constitute a being worthy, as the personifi- cation of beauty, of oc- cupying the temples of Greece ; present an ob- ject finer, alas, than Nat- ure even seems capable of producing; and offer to all nations and a^es a theme of admiration and delight. Well might Thomson say: So stands the statue that e>i« chants the world. So, bending, tries to vail thi matchless boast — The mingled beauties of exult- ing Greece. We beg our readers to observe the form of the waist (evidently innocent of corsets and tight dresses) of this model woman, and also that of the Greek Slave in the accom- panying outlines. These forms are such as unperverted nature and the highest art alike require. To compress the waist, and thereby change its form, pushing the ribs inward, displacing the vital organs, and preventing the due expansion of tne lungs, is as destructive to beauty as it is to health. Lady's Dresa in the days of Oreece. Form and Deformity.— The Corset, 101 tX' >d to oth- are THE HISTORY, MYSTERY, BENEFITS AND INJURIES OP THE CORSET. 1. Theorit^inof the ^rset is lost in remote antiquity. The figures of the early Egyptian women show clearly an artificial shape of the waist produced by some stvie of corset A similar style of dress must also have prevailed amoncr the am ient Jewish maid- ens , for Isaiah, in call- ing upon the women to put away their per- sonal adornments, says : *' Instead of a girdle there shall be a rent, and instead of a stomacher (corset) a girdle of sackcloth." 2. Homer also tells us of the cestus or girdle of Venus, which was borrowed by the haughty Juno with a view to increasing her personal attractions, that Jupiter might be a more tractable and orderly husband. 3. Coming down to the later times, *ve find the corset was used in France and England as early as the 12th century. 4. The most extensive and extreme use of the corset oc- curred in the i6th century, during the reign of Catherine de Medici of France and Queen Elizabetn of England. With Catherine de Medici a thirteen-inch waist measure- ment was considered the standard of fashion, while a thick waist was an abomination. No lady could consider her figure of proper shape unless she could span her waist with her two hanas. To produce this result a strong rigid corset was worn night and day until the waist was laced down to the r quired size. Then over this corset was placed the steel apparatus shown in the illustration on next page. 3