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IN T W O V O L U M E S. ■r-W^awstMv ■« ^dllWl>^ ^'^ PubKshM Jany 26,1700 by F.FawokCoJ'PauH^- iTauvhl^nl. id^^L. >ti;.u,i3itAM2L IIcMAST^K UriiVc.iv%»i i T ijnmni^mt^* r y 1 . ADVERTISEMENT. THE IDLER, having omitted tO' diftinguilh the Effays of his Corre- fpondents by any particular fignature, thinks It neceflary ta inform his Headers, that from the ninth, the fifteenth, thirty-third, forty. fecond, fifty. fourth, fixty-feventh, fe- venty.fixth, fcventy-ninth, eighty-fecond, ninety-third, ninety-fixth, and ninety-eighth Papers he claims no odier praife than that of having given them to the Publick. _*^.*' The Frontifpiece to the First I°^^xT!,ir ^*^^° ^^^^ N» VI; and not from N^ VIII, as on the Plate is referred^ to by miftake.^ Vol. L h^ CON- m N* [ vu ] CONTENTS O P VOLUME THE FIRST. Page N" I. TDLER's Charallir, 2. X Invitation to Cartejpondentt^ 3. J D L £ R * s ^Riofon for writings 4. Charitiei and Hofpitah^ 5. Propofalsfor a Ftmale Army, 6. Lad/s Pirformance on Horjg- tacky 7. S chime for Newi-writerst 8. Plan of Military DifcipUne^ 9. Progrefsof IdUneffy 10. Political Credulityy 11. Difcourfes an the ff^eather, ^ X 2. Marriages why advert i/iJy IZ* 'f'ke imaginary Houftwife^ 14. Rebhery of Time, 15. Treacle*s Complaint of his Wife, 16. Drugget's Retirement y 17. Expedients cflnLEKSy 18. DarcGET vindicated, 19. Whirler's Charaifer, ao. X.OUisbourg's Hifiory, ai. hmCt,K*s Hiflorycf Lijllejfnefs^ 2a. Imprifonment of Debtors^ 23. Uncertainty of Friendjhip^ a4. Mm dQts not Always think^ b a 25. A'i^w I & la 19 24 a8 38 43 4» S« 57 61 H 68 73 1^ 80 8S 90 94 99 103 ♦ '• 1 "*"* wa <% M H t yiii 1 ^|B' ' afr. ^H 27. 9 28. 4> ^^^1 29. 30.. 3^- ^^H 32- 1 33- : 1 34. 'I^^M , - 35- 36. 37- 38- ' 1 39- 1 ■ 40. ^^B 4!. 42. 1 43- 44- ^^1 45- 46. 4 • 47- 48. ' 1 49- fl 5O' ;B 51- ^H 5 r 52. 1 1 < C O N, T E: N T 9; t i^.w ^^7 . 196 Portraits defended, 200 Molly Quick's Complaint of her mjhefs 205 Deborah Ginger's Account of City mts. The Bujlles of IdLmfsy Maky P. Vti Journey^ Ma RVEL paralleied'y Dime/itck Greatnefs unaitatnahk, , Self 'denial neceffary^ ISO 154 ^58 163 167 172 177 182 210 215 218 224 228 232 5; Page lo* 7 112 ity Wirman 1 2 1 126 ^3^ hcinicici 135 139 144 ISO 154 ^58 163 167 172 * 177 182 father, 187 , 192 196 200 of her 205 ' of City- 210 2!S 218 224 ^^, 228 232 #########*#,,l^#^^ THE I D E R Numb. i. Satuirdat, 4>r/7 15, 1758; tacutjuh umbra Li{fimus» Hot. THOSE who attempt periodical EfTays feem to be often flopped in the begin- ning, by the difficulty of finding a proper Title. Two Writers, fince the time of the Speaator, have alTumed his Name, without any pretenfions to lawful inheritance ; an effort was once made to revive the tatler ; and the Itrange appellations, by which othe^ fepers have been called, fliow that the Authori were dif:. trefl^d, like the Natives of ^^- ^ho ^omc to the £«r^^tf;,, to beg a Namej -^" ' Vol, I. B '^^ |^ THE IDLER. N= It will be cafily believed of the Idkr, that if his Title had required any fearch, he never would have found it. Every mode of life has its conveniences. The Idler, who habituates him- felf to be fatisfied with what he can moll eafily obtain, not only efcapes labours which ar€ often fruitlefs, but fometimes fucceeds better than thofe who defpife all that is within their reach, and think every thing more valuable as it is harder to be acquired. If fimihtude of manners be a motive to kind- nefs, the Idler may flatter himfelf with univerfal Patronage. There is no fmgle charafter under which fuch numbers are comprized. Every man is, or hopes to be, an Idler. Even thofe who feem to differ moil from us are haftening to in- creafe our Fraternity. As peace is the end of war, fo to be idle is the ultimate purpofe of the "-There is perhaps no appellation by which a Writer can better denote his kindred to the hu- man Species. It has been found hard to defcribe Man by an adequate Definition. Some Philofo- phers have called him a reafonable Animal, but others have confidered Reafon as a Quality of which many creatures partake. He has been termed likewife a laughing Animal; but it is faid that fome men have never laughed. Perhaps Man may be more properly diftinguiihed as an TJie An;mal r fof tlierc is no Man who is not fome- N^i, THE IDLER. fometimes Idle. It Is at leaft a Definition from which none that fhall find it in this Paper can be excepted ; fdr who can be more idle than the Reader of the Idler f ' That tlie Definition may be complete, Idle- nefs muft be not only the general, but the pecu- liar charafteriftic of Man ; and perhaps Man is the only Being that can properly be called Idle, that does by others what he might do himfelf, or facrifices Duty of Pleafure to the Love of Eafe. Scarcely any Name can be imagined from which lefs envy or competition is to be dreaded. The Idler \\2.% no Rivals or Enemies. The Man of Bufinefs forgets him ; the Man of Enterprize defpifes him ; and though fuchas tread the fame track of life fall commonly into jealoiify and difcord, Idkn are always found to aflbciate in Peace ; and he who is' moft famed for doing Nothing, is glad to meet another as idle as him- felf. What is to be expeft^d from this Paper, whe« ther it will be uniform or various, learned or familiar, ferious or gay, political or moral, con- tinued or interrupted, it is hoped that no Reader will enquire. That the Idler has fome fcheme, cannot be doubted ; for to form fchemes is the Idler\^ privilege. But though he has many pro- I jeas in his head, he is now grown fparing of communication, havjnor B 2 4- ]-».._ LitaL his hearers ^ THE IDLER, . Wu hearers arc apt to remember what he forgets himfclf, and his tardinefs of execution expofes him to the encroachments of thofe who catch a hint and fall to work ; and that very fpecious plans, after long contrivance and pompous dif- plays, have fublided in wearinefs without a trial, and without mifcarriage have been blafted by derifion. Something the Idler's Character may be fup- pofed to promife. Thole that are curious after diminutive Hiftory, who watch the Revolutions of Families, and the Rife and Fall of Characters either Male or Female, will hope to be gratificrf^ by this Paper ; for the Idler is always inquifitive, and feldom retentive. He that delights in Oblo- quy and Satire, and wiihes to fee Clouds gathering over any Reputation that dazzles him with its Brightnefs, will fnatch up the Idler's Eflays with a beating Heart. The Idler is na- turally cenforious ; thofe who attempt nothing themfelves think every thing cafily performed, and confider the unfuccefsful always as cri-, minal. I think it neceflary to give notice, that I make no central, nor incur any obligation. J f thofe who depend on the Ifiler for intelligence and entertainment Ihould fufFer the difappoint- nient which commonly follows ill-placed expec- tations, they are to lay the blame only on them- felves. Yet N« THE IDLER. Yet Hope Is not wholly to be caft away. The Idler^ though fluggifli, is yet ahve, and may fometimes be flimulated to vigour and aftivity* He may defcend into profoundnefs, or towci mto fubHmity ; for the diligence oi an Idler is rapid and impetuous, as ponderous bodies forced into velocity move with violence proportionate to their weight. Hut thefe vehement exertions of intellect cannot be frequent ; and he will therefore gladlV" receive help from any correfpondent, who Ihaft enable him to pleafe without his own- labour- He excludes no ftyle, he prohibits no fubjcd'; only let him that writes to the Idler remember, that his letters muft not be long ; no words arc to be fquandered in declarations of efteem, or confeffions of inability ; confcious Dulnefs has Mttle right to be prolix, and Praife is not fo wel- come to the UUr as Quiet* Bs Numb. THE IDLER. N»2. Numb. a. Saturday, /pril 22, 1758. Toto vi'x quater anno Membranam, Hon, MANY pofitions are often on the tongue, and feldora in the mind ; there are many truths which eyery human being acknowledges and forgets. It is generally known, that he who experts much will be often difappointed ; yet difappoihtment feldom cures us of expe6tation, or has any other effedt, than that of producing a moral fentence, or peevilh exclamation. He that embarks in the voyage of life, will always wifti to advance rather by the impulfe of the wind, than the ftrokes of the oar; and many founder in the paffage, while they lie waiting for the gale that is to waft them to their wilh. It will naturally be fufpefted that the IdUr has lately fuffered fome difappointment, and that he does not talk thus gravely for nothing. No mai* is required to betray his own fecrets. I will, however, confefs, that I have now been a "Writer almoft a week, and have not heard a lingle word of Praife, nor received one Hint from any Correfpondent. Whence this negligence proceeds I am not able to difcover. Many of my predeceflbrs have thought themfclves obliged to return their ac- knowledgements in the fecond paper, for the kind reception of the firft j and in a fhort time, apologies N"2. THE IDLER. apologies have become neceflary to thofe inge- nious Gentlemen and Ladies, whofe perfor- mances, though in the higheft degree elegant and learned, have been unavoidably delayed. What then will be thought of aie, who, hav- ing experienced no kindnefs, have no thanks to return ; whom no Gentleman or Lady has yet enabled to give any caiife of difcontent, and who have therefore no opportunity of Ihewing how ikilfully I can pacify refentment, extenuate neg- ligence, or palliate rejeftion ? I have long known that fplendor of reputa*- tion is not to be counted among the neceifaries of hfe, and therefore fhall not much repine if praifc be with- held till it is better deferved. But furely I may be allowed to complain that, in a nation of Authors, not one has thought me worthy of notice after fo fair an invitation. At the time when the rage of writing haj feized the old and young, when the Cook war- bles her Lyrics in the Kitchen, and the Thralher vociferates his Heroics in the Barn ; when our Traders deal out knowledge in bulky volumes^ and our Girls forfake their famplers to teach kingdoms wifdom ; it may feem very unnecef- fary to draw any more from their proper occupa- tions, by affording new opportunities of Literary Fame. . I fliould be indeed unwilling to find that, for tlie fake of correfponding with the Idler^ the B 4 Smith's tHE IDLER, N* &• I I Smith's iron had cooled on the anvil, or the Spinftcr's diftafF ftood unemployed. J folicit ■only the contributions of thofe who have already devoted themfelvcs to Literature, or, without «ny determinate attention, wandef at large through the cxpanfe of life, and wear out the ^ay in hearing at one place what they utter at another. Of thefe„ a great part are aheady Writers- One has a friend in the country upon whom he exercifes his powers ; whofe paifions he raifes and depreffes ; whofe underlhnding he perplexes, with paradoxes, or ftrengthens by argument; whofe admiration he courts, whofe praifes lie enjoys j and who ferves him inftead of a, Senate or a Theatre ; as the young foldiers in the Roman czmp learned the ufe of their wea- pons by fencing againft a poft in the place of aa enemy, ^ Another has his pockets filled with Eflays and Epigrams, which he reads, from houfe to houfe, tb feled parties ; and which his acquaintances are daily entreating him to with-hold no longer from the impatience of the Publick. If among thefe any one is perfuaded that, by fuch preludes of compofition, he has qualified himfelf to appear in the open world, and is yet afraid of thofe cenfures which they who have already written, and they who cannot write, are equally ready to fulminate againft public Pre- tenders N" 2'.. THE i'dxer; tcFiders to Fame, he may, by tranfmitting his performances to the Liler, make a cheap expe- riment of his abihties, and enjoy the pleafure of. fuccefs, without the hazard of mifcarriage. Many advantages not generally known arilc' from this method of fteaHng on. the Pubhck. The Handing Author of the Paper is alwayy the obje£l of critical malignity. Whatever is mean will be imputed to him, and whatever is excel- lent be afcribed to his affiftants. It does not much alter the event, that the Author and his €orrefpondents are equally unknown ; for the Author, whoever he be, is an individual, of whom every Reader has fome fixed idea, a!>d- • whom he is therefore unwilling to gratify with* applaufe ; but the praifes given to his Correfpon- dents are fcattered in the air, none can tell ow whom they will light, and therefore none arc: unwilling to beftow them. . He that is known to contribute- tt) a periodi* cal Work, needs no other caution than not to tell what particular Pieces are his own : fuch fecrecy is indeed very difficult ; but if it can be maintained, it is fcarcely to be miagined at how fmall an ex^ence he may grow conilderable. A Perfon of Qnality, by a finglc Paper, may "^ngrofs the honour of a Volume Fame is in- deed dealt with a hand lei's and lefs bounteou through the fubordinate ranks, till it defcends"^ . the profeffed Author, who will find ic very dil £ 5 ficult 10 THE IDLER. N^'a. ficult to get more than he deferves ; but every man who docs not want it, or who needs not value it, may have liberal allowances ; and, for five letters in the year fent to the Idler ^ of which perhaps only two are printed, will be promoted to the firft rank of Writers by thofe who are weary of the prefcnt race of Wits, and wilh to fihk them into obfcurity before the luftrc of a name not yet known enough to be detelled. ^5^m?^^^5S^^m^ lii Numb. 3. Saturday, Jpril 29, 1758. Stat. Oiia vitm Solamur cantu. nil IT has long been the complaint of thofe who frequent the Theatres, that all the Dramar tic Art has been long exhaulled, and that the viciffitudes of Fortune, and accidents of Life, have been fhewn in every poffible combination, till the firft fcene informs us of the laft, and the Play no fooner opens, than every auditor knows how it will conclude. When a Confpiracy is formed in a Tragedy, we guefs by whom it will be d^'iec^ed ; when a Letter is dropt in a Come- *iy, we can tell by whom it will be found. No- thing is now left for the Poet but Character and Sentiment, which are to make their way as they can. N= 2. 1^' 3' THE IDLER. , ml to inquire by what methods the N t^ THE IDLER. 9, I n Cj L U Lj Cj IX* 13' the liftlcfs may be aduated, and the empty be rcplonifhcd. There arc faid to he plcafurcs in Madncfs known only to Madmen. There are certainly miferics in Idlenefs, which the Mer only can conceive. Thefe mifcries I have often felt and often bewailed. I know, by experience, how welcome is evciy avocation that fummons tho tlioup^ht:; to i' new image ; and how much Ian* guo »ad laffitude are relieved by that officiouf- nefs which offers a momentary amufement to> him who is unable to find it for himfelf. It is naturally indifferent to this race of men what entertainment they receive, fo they are but entertained. They catch, with equal eager- nefs, at a moral ledture, or the memoirs of a<, robber ; a prcdiftion of the appearance of a comet, or the calculation of tlie cliances of a^ lottery. They might therefore eafily be pleafed, if they confuited only their own mind's ; but thofe who will not take the trouble to think, for them- felves have always fomebody that thinks for them ; and the difficulty in writing is to pleafe thrfe from whom others learn to be pleafed. Much mifchief is done in the world with very little interefl or defign. He that afTumes the Character of a Critic, and juflifies liis claim by perpetual cenfure, imagines that he is hurting none, but the Awthor, and him.he confiders as an geftilent; ! i II '■fi; ! ' ■* 14 THE IDLER, N-j. pcftilcnt animal, whom every other being has a right to pcrfcciitc. IJttlc docs hv^ think how many harmlclk men he involves in his own Ruilr. by teaching them to be noxious without n»alig!nty, and to repeat objcaions which they tlo not undcrlland ; or how imny honcll minds he dch:Ms from plcaiurc, by exciting an artiiirial iiirtidioufncrs, and making them too wife to concui with their own fcnfations. He who is taught by a Critic to dlilikc tliat which plcafcd liim in \m natural flatc, has the fame rcafon to complain o( his Inllrnaor, as the Madman to r;nl at \m Dodor, who, when he thought himfelf Mailer of Peru, phylickcd him to po- verty. If Men will llruggle againft their own advan- tage, they are not to cxped that the /i/ie> will take much pains upon them ; he has himlHf to plcalc as well as them, and has long learned, oc endeavoured to learn, not to make the picalure ot others too nccefliiry to his own. Numb. N''4« THE IDLER. 15 Numb. 4. Saturday, iWu>' 6, 1758. n»Md»t y«^ ^AllCTHI. HOM* C^ II A R I T Y, or tendcrncfs for the Poor, J which is now jullly coiifitlcrcd, by a great part of mankind, as infcpaiabic from piety, and in which ahnoil all the goodncfs of the prcfcnt age confills, is, I think, known only to thofe who enjoy, cither immediately or by aanfmif- fion, the light of Rcvclatiun. Thofc ancient nations who have given ns the wifcft models of government, and the briglitcft examples of patriotifm, whofo inflitnrions have been tranfcribcd by all fnccccding Lcgiflators, and whofc hiftory is ftudicd by every candidate for political or military reputation, have yet left behind them no mention of alms-lK)ufc8 or hof- pitals, of places where age might rcpofc, or fick- nefs be relieved. The Roman Emperors, indeed, gave large do- natives to the citizens and foldiers, but thcfe dillributions were always reckoned rather popu- lar than virtuous : nothing more was intended than an oftcntatioii of liberality, nor was any recompence expected, but fufFrages and accla- mations. Their beneficence was merely occafional ; he tlut ccafcd to need the favour of tlic people, ccafcd ^« THE IDLER. N' 4- ceafed likewife to court it ; arid therefore, no man thought it either neceffary or wife to make any ^landing provilion for the needy, to look forwards to the wants of pofterity, or to fecure fucceffions of Charity, for fucceffions of Dif- trcfs. Compaffion is by fome Reafoners, on whom the name of Phiiofophers has been too eafily conferred, refolved into an afFedion merely felfilh, an involuntary perception of pain at the^ involuntary fight of a being hke ourfelves lan- guilhing in mifery. But this fenfation, if ever it be felt at all from the brute inftinflt of unin- ft runted nature, will only produce efFe£ls deful- tory and tranlient; it will never fettle into a principle of a6lion, or extend relief to calami- tics unfeen, in generations not yet in being. The devotion of life or fortune to thefuccour of the Poor, is a height of virtue, to which Hu- manity has never rifen by itsown power. The Charity of the Mahometans is a precept which their Teacher evidently tranfplanted from the- doiftr'nes of Chriftianiry ; and the care with which fome of the Oriental fefts attend, as is faid,. to the neceffities of the difeafed and indi- gent, may be added to the other arguments, which prove Z.roafter to have borrowed his in- flitutions from the I aw of Moffs, The prefent age, though not likely to (hine lifireafter among the. raoft fplendid periods of I; hiftory, . N*4. THE IDLER. 17 hiftory, has yet given examples of Charity, which may be very properly recommended to imitation. The equal diftribution of wealth, which long commerce has produced, does not enable any (ingle hand to raife edifices of piety like fortified cities, to appropriate Manors to re- ligious ufes, or deal out fuch large and lafling beneficence as was fcattered over the land in an- cient times by thofe who pofleffed counties or provinces. But no fooner is a new fpecies of mifery brought to view, and a defign of relieving it profefled, than every hand is open to contri- bute fomething, every tongue is bufied in foli'- citation, and every art of plcafure is employed for a time in the intereft of virtue. The moft apparent and prefling miferies inci- dent to man have now their peculiar houfes o£ reception and relief; and there are few among us raifed however little above the danger of Poverty, who may not juftly claim, what is implored by the Mahometans in their moft ardent benedic- tions, the Prayers of the Poor. Among thofe adlions which the mind can moft fecurely review with unabated pleafure, is that of having contributed to an hofpital; for the fick. Of fome kinds of Charity the confequences are dubious ; fome evils which, bene cence has been bufy to remedy, are not certainly known to be very grievous to the fufFerer,. or detrimental to the community; but J« THE IDLER. N» 4. but no man can qucftion whether wounds and ficknefs are not really painful ; whether it be not worthy of a good man's care to reftore thofe to eafe and ufefulnefs, from whofe labour infants and women expea their bread, and who, by a cafuaf hurt, or lingering difeafe, lye pining in want and anguifh, burthenfome to others, and weary of themfelves. Yet as the hofpitals of the prefeat time fubfifl only by gifts beftowed at pleafure, without any folid fund of fupport, there is danger left the blaze of Charity, which now burns with fo- much heat and fplendor, fhould die away for want of lading fuel ; left Falhion fhould fud- denly withdraw her fmile, and Inconftancy transfer the public attention to lomething which may appear more eligible^ becaufe it will be new. Whatever is left in the hands of Chance muft be ful^jea to viciffitude ; and when any eftabiilh- ment is found to be ufeful, it ought to be the next care to make it permanent. But man is a tranfitory being, and hfs de%ns muft partake of the imperfeaions of their Au- thor. To confer duration is not always in our power. We muft fnatch the prefent moment, and employ it well, without too much folici- tude for the future, and content ourfelves with refleaing that our part is performed. He that waits for an opportunity to do much at once, may N»4. munds and ler it be not •re thofe to )Our infants who, by a '^e pining in others, and time fubfift without any jer left the ns with fo- 3 away for fhould fiid- tnconftancy lomething laufe it will hance muft y eftabiilh- be the next hfs defigns f their Au- ^ays in our t moment, uch fohci- felves with . He that ti at once, may m N^4' THE IDLER. 19 may breathe out his life in idle wifhes, and regret, in the laft hour, his ufelefs intentions, and barren zeal. The moft active promoters of the prefent fchemes of Charity cannot be cleared from fome inftanccs of mifcondu(St, which may awaken contempt or cenfurc, and haften that negled which is likely to come too foon of itfelf. The open competitions between different hofpi- tals, and the animofity with which their Patrons oppofe one another, may prejudice weak minds againft them all. For it will not be eafily believed, that any man can, for good reafons, wifh to exclude another from doing good. The fpirit of Charity can only be continued by a reconciliation of thefe ridiculous feuds ; and therefore, inftead of contentions who fhall be the only benefa£tors to the needy, let there be no other ftruggle than who fhall be the firft. Numb. 5. Saturday, i^iyy 13, 1758.. OU R Military Operations are at laft begun ; our troops are marching in all the pomp of war, and a camp is marked out on the i fie of Wioht; 20 THE IDLER. N^^. Wight; the heart of every EnglKhman now fwells with confidence, though fomewhat foft- ened by generous compaflion for the confterna- tion and diftrefles of our enemies. This formidable armament and fplendid march produce different effeds upon different minds, according to the boundlefs diverfities of temper^ occupation, and habits of thought. Many a tender Maiden confiders her Lover as already loft, becaufe he cannot reach the eamp but by eroding the fea ; Men, of a more political underftanding, are perfuaded that we Ihall now fee, in a few days,, the AmbafTadors of France fupplicating for pity. Some are hoping for a bloody battle, becaufe a bloody battle makes a vendible narrative ; fome are compofing fongs of vivhich are continually trickling among us, which every one may catch, and of which every one partakes. This univerfal diffufion of inftru£^ion is, perhaps, not wholly without its inconvenien- cies ; it certainly fills the nation with fuperfi- cial Difputants ; enables thofe to talk who were born to work ; and affords information fuffici- «nt to elate vanity, and ftiffen obftinacy, but ton little to enlarge the mind into complete Ikill for full comprehenlion. Whatever is found to gratify tlie Publick, wilt be multiplied by the emulation of venders be- yond neceffity or ufe. This plenty indeed pro* duces cheapnefs, but cheapnefs always ends in negligence and depravation. , 'I he compilation of News-papers is often committed to narrow and mercenary minds, not qualified for the tafk of delighting or inftrufting ; who are content to fill their paper, with what- ever matter, without induftry to gather, or dif- cernment to feledt. Thus Journals arc daily multiplied without increafe of knowledge. The tale of the Morn* ijig Paper is told again in the Evening, and the narratives of the Evening are bought again in Morning. Thcfe repetitions, indeed, wafte time, but they do not Ihorten it. The moll eager purfuer of news is tired before he h^^s com*j pktcd >3o^/ THE IDLER. .^t pleted his labour, and many a man who enters the cofFee-houfe in his night gown and flippers, is called away to his (hop, or his dinner, before he has well confidered the ftate of Europe, It is difcovercd by Reaumur, that fpiders might make filk, if they could be perfnaded to live in peace together. The Writers of NewS, if they could be confederated, might give more pleafure to the Publick. The Morning and Evening Authors might divide an event be- tween them; a fmgle aaion, and that not c^ much importance, might be gradually difcovered fo as to vary a whole week with joy, anxiety, and conjecture. We know that a Fremh Ihip of war wa^ lately taken by a fliip of England ; but this event was fufFered to burft upon us all at once, and then what we knew already was echoed from day to day, and from week to week. Let us fuppofe thefe fpiders of Literature to fpin together, and enquire to what an exten- five web fuch another event might be regularly drawn, and how fix Morning and fix Evening Writers might agree to retail their articles. On Monday Morning the Captain of a fhip might arrive, who left the Fri/eur of France, and the Bulldog, Capt. Grim, in fight of one ano- ther, fo that ail engagement feemed una- voidable» ,, , Q ^ . Monday 8f"' ft 34 THE IDLER. n- 7. Monday Evening. A found of cannon was heard off Cape Fimfurre, fuppofed to be thofe of the Buidog and Frifiur, TutfJay Mornhg. It was this morning re^ ported that the Bulldog engaged the Frifeur, yard-arm and yard-arm, three glafles and a lAlf, but was obliged to ftieer off for want of pow- der. It is hoped that enquiry will be made into this afflir in a proper place. Tuifday Evening, The account of the en- gagem^^ between the Bulldog and Frifeur wa« prematurd, Wednepay Morning. Another exprefs is ar- rived, wlfich brings news^ that the Frifeur had loft all li^er mafts, and three hundred of .her men, in Hie late engagement; and that Capt. Grim is come into harbour much fluttered. IFednefday Evening, We hear that the brave Capt. Grimy having expended his powder, pro- pofed to enter the /Viy^wr Two rd in hand ; but tliat his Lieutenant, the nephew of a certain Nobleman, rcmonftrated againft it. Thurfday Morning. We wait impatiently for a full account of the late engagement betweea the Bulldog and Frifeur, Tburfday Evening. It is faid that the Order of the Bath will be fent to Capt. Grint. Friday Morning. A certain Lord of the Ad- miralty has been heard to fay of a certain Cap- tain, that, if he liaci done his duty, a certain N^7- THE IDLER. 33 French fhlp might have been taken. It was not thus that merit was rewarded in the days of Cromwell, Friday Evening, There is certain informa- tion at the Admiralty, that the Frifeur is taken, after a reilftance of about two hours. . Saturday Morning* A letter from one of the Gunners of the BuHdog mentions the taking of the Frifeur^ and attributes their fuccefs wholly to the bravery and refblution of Capt,. Grim^ who never owed any of his advancement to Borough-jobbers, or any other corrupters of the people. Saturday Evenings Capt. Grtm arrived at the^ Admiralty, with an account that he engaged the Frifeur y a (hip of equal force with his own, off Cape Finifurrej and took her after an ob- ftinate refinance, having killed one hundred and fifty of the French^ with tlie lofs of ninety -five s>i his own men. ^5 JIUMB. 34 THE IDLER. N» r. Numb. 8. Saturday, 7««^ 3, 1758. Sir, ■ ' IN time of public clanger, it is cv^r ^nan*5 duty to withdraw his thoughts in foi .;a- fufe from his private intereft, and employ part of his time for the general welfare- National con- duft ought to be the lefult of national wifdom^ 3 plan formed by mature confideration and dili* gent feleftion out of all the,fchemcs which may be offered, and all ths inforniation which can; be procured. In a battle, every man fhould fight as if he was the fingle Champion ; in preparations for war, every man Ihould think, as if the lalt event depended on his Counfel. None can tell what difcoveries are within his reach, or how much he may contribute to the public fafety. Full of thefe confiderations, I have care- fully reviewed the procefs of the war, and find, what every other man has found, that we have hitherto added nothing to our military reputa- tion ; that at one time we have been beaten by enemies whom we did not fee ; and at another* have ^voided the light of enemies left we Ihould he beaten. Whether our troops are clefeftive in difci- pline or m courage, is not very ufeful to in- quire ^ N°8. THE IDLER* ii quire; they evidently want fomething neccffary to fuccefs ; and he that fhall fupply that want will deferve well of his country* , To learn of an enemy has always been accounted politic and honourable ; and therefore I hope it will raife no prejudices againft my projeft, to tonfefs that I borrowed it from a Frenchman* When the Ifle of Rhodes vf^s, many centuries' ago, in the hands of that Military Older now^ called the Knights of Malta, it was ravaged by a? Dragon, who inhabited a den under a rock, firom which he iffued forth when he was hungry] or wanton, and without fear or mercy devourecl men and beads as they came in his way. Many] councils were held, and many devices ofFered, for his deftruftion ; but as his back was armed' with impenetrable fcales, noile wouM venture ix> attack him. Atlaft Dudon^ a Frenchl^m^U Yindertook the deliverance of the Ifland* From; fome place of fecurity he, took a view of the Dragon, or^ as a modern Soldier would fay," reconnoitred him, and obferved tliat his belly was naked and vulnerable. He then returned home to take his arrangements \ and, by a very ' exaft imitation of Nature, made a Dragon ©f pafteboard, in the belly of which he put beef and mutton, and accuftomed two fturdy uiaftiffs to feed themfelves, by tearing their way to the . concealed flefh. When his dogs were well prac- ^ Jifed in this method of plunder, he marched C 6 out Sfivl ■if ■•51 j6 THE IDLER. N" 8; out with them at his heels, and Ihewed them the Dragon ; they rufhed upon him in queft of their dinner; Dudon battered his fcull, while they lacerated his belly ; and neither his fling nor claws were able to defend him. ^ Something like this might be pra£lifed in our prefent ftate. Let a fortification be raifed on SaliJburyFlainy refembling Bref, or Toulon^ or Paris itfelf, with all the ufual preparations for defence: let the inclofure be filled with Beef and Ale: let the foldiers, froni fome proper eminence, fee Shirts waving upon lines, And here and there a plump Landlady hurrying about with pots in her hands. When they are fuiEciently animated to advance, lead them in cxa£t order, with fife and drum, to that fide whence the wind blows, till they come within the fcent of roaft meat and tobacco. Contrive that they may approach the place fafting about an hour after dinner-time, aflure them that there is no danger, and command an attack. If nobody within either moves or fpeaks, it is not unlikely that they may carry the place by ilorm ; but if a panick fhould feize them, it will be proper to defer the enterprize to a more hun- gry hour. When they have entered, let them fill their bellies and return to the camp. ^ On the next day let the fame place be fhewa them again, but with fome additions of itrength «Qr' terror. 1 cannot pretend to inform our Generals N"8. THE IDLER. 37 Generals through what gradations of danger they (Hall train their men to fortitude. They befl know what the foldiers and what themfelves can bear. It will be proper that the war ihouid every day vary its appearance. Sometimes, as they mount, a Cook may throw fat upon the fire, to accuflom them to a fudden blaze; and fometimes, by the clatter of empty pots, they may be inured to formidable noifes. But let it never be forgotten, that Victory muft re- pofe with a full belly. fn time it will be proper to bring our French prifoners from the coaft, and place them upon the walls in martial order. At their firft ap- pearance their hands muil be tied, but they may be allowed to grin. In a month they may guard the place with their hands loofed, provided that on pain of death they be forbidden to ilrike. By this method our army will foon be brought to look an enemy in the face. But it has been lately obferved, that fear is received by the ears as well as the eyes ; and the Indian War-cry is reprefented as too dreadful to be endured, as a found that will force the braveft Veteran to drop his weapon, and defert his rank, that will deafen his ear, and chill his breaft, that will neither fufFer him to hear or- ders or to feel Ihame, or retain any fenlibility but the dread of deatlu That 5« THE IDLER, . K^^ That the favagc clamours of naked Barba-* rians (hould thus terrify troops difciplincd to war, and ranged in array with arnit in their }jands, is furely ftrangc. but this is no time lo reafon. I am of opinion, that by a proper mixture of Affes, Bulls, Turkeys^ Geefc, and Tragedians, a noife might be procured equally horrid with the War-cry. When our men have been encouraged by frequent viaories, nothing will remain but to qualify them for extreme danger, by -« fudden concert of terrific vocife- ration* When they have endured this Jaft trial, let them be led to a£lion, as n^en who are no longer to be frightened ; as men who can bear at once the grimaces of the Gauh^ and the howl of the jlmericam. Numb, 9. Saturixay, June 10, 1758^ «c SlR^ To the IDLER. ** T HAVE read you; that is a feyour few X Authors can boaft of having received from me befides yourfelf. My intention in telling you of it is to inform you, that yom have both pleafed and angered me. Never did Writer appear fo delightful to me as you diet when you adopted the name of the idUr^ But ^•;- '■ what Barbae ined to n their 10 time proper fc, and equally in have lothing ixtreme vocife- ft trials are no in bear c howl b^# S^ vtT few jceived ion in It yom v^er did m did ^ But what >j»g, THE IDLER. Sit what a faUmg-ofF was there when your firft produaion was brought to light! A natural krefiftible attachment to that favourable paffion, uiling, had led me to hope for indulgence from the Mer, but 1 find him a ftranger to tlic title. *« What rules has he propofed totally to un- brace the flackened nerve ; to fhade the heavy eye of inattention ; to give the fmooth feature and the uncontraaed mufcle ; or procure infea- fibility to the whol^pinimal compofition I •* Thefe were fonie of the placid blefllngs I' promifed myfclf the enjoyment of, when I committed violence upon myfelf» by muftering. up all my ftrength to fet about reading you ^ but I api difappointed in them all, and the ftrokc of eleven in the Morning is ilill as ter- rible to me as before, and I firtd putting on my tloaths ftill as painful and laborious. Oh that our climate would pcrinit tliat original naked- nefs which the thrice happy Indians Xfy this day enjoy I How many unfolicitous hours Ihould i bftfk away, warmed in bed by the Sun's glo- rious beams, could I, like them, tumble from thence in a moment, when neceflity obliges me to endure the torment of getting upon my legs ! ** But wherefore do I talk to you upon fub- jeas of this delicate nature ; yoti who fecm ignorant of the inexpreffible charms of the Elbow-chair, attended with a foft Stool for the 2 elevation 4o THE IDLER. N'»9, elevation of the feet ! Thus, vacant of Thought, tlo 1 indulge the live-long day. . ** You may define Happinefs as you pleafe^ I embrace that opinion which makes it confift in the abfencc of pain. To refleft is pain; to llir is pain ; therefore I never refle£t or ftir but when I cannot help it. Perhaps you will call my fcheme of life Indolence, and there- fbrc think the Idler excufed from taking any notice of me: but I have ^ways looked upon Indolence and Idlenefs as the fame ; and fo J» ^. their (hade, fomc arc roufed into a6lion by Avarice ai.d Ambition, fome are awakened by the voice of Fame, fome allured by the fmilc of Beauty, and many with-hcid by the import tunities of Want. Of all the enemies of Idle- nefs, Want is the moft formidable. Fame is foon found to be a found, and Love a dream ; Avarice and Ambition may be juftly fufpefted of private confederacies with Idlenefs ; for when they have for a while .protected their Votaries, they often deliver them up to end their lives under her dominion. Want always ftruggles againft Idlenefs ; but Want herfelf is often overcome; and every hour (hews the careful obferver, thofe who had rather live in cafe than in plenty. So wide is the reign of Idlenefs, and fo powerful her influence. But fhe does not im* mediately confer all her gifts. My correfpon- dent, who feems, with all his errors, worthy of advice, muft be told, that he is calling toa haftily for the laft efFufion of total infenfibility. Whatever he may have been taught by unikil* ful Idlers to believe, labour is neceffary in hit initiation to Idlenefs. He that never labour* may know the pains of Idlenefs, but not th» pleafure. The comfort is, that if he devotes himfelf to infenfibility, he will daily lengthen the intervals of Idlenefs, and fhorten thofe of labour, till at laft he will lit down to reit, and N*io. THE IDLER. 4S no longer dlfturb the world or himfelf by buftle or competition. Thus I have endeavoured to give him that information which, perhaps, after all, he did not want ; for a true Mer often calls for that which he knows is never to be had, and afk$ queftions which he does not defire ever to be anfwered* ^\'^'^\^f. Numb. io. Saturday, June 17, 1758, r'^REDULITY, or Confidence of opinion . >< too great for the evidence from which opinion is derived, we find to be a general weaknefs imputed by every fe6t and party to all others, and indeed by every man to every other man. Of all kinds of Credulity, the moft obfti- nate and wonderful is that of political zealots ; of men, who, being numbered, they know not how or why, in any of the parties that divide a State, refign the ufe of their own eyes and cars, and refolve to believe nothing that does not favour thofe whonr* they profefs to follow. The Bigot of Philofophy is feduccd by autho- rities which he has not always opportunities to examine, is intangled in fyftcwis by which truth. and i 44 "2' HE IDLER. No la. and falfhood are inextricably complicated, or \indertakes to talk on fubje£ts which Nature did not form him able to comprehend. ~ The Cartefian, who denies that his horfe feels the fpur, or that the hare is afraid when the hounds approach her; the Difciple of Mafbranche^ who maintains that the mantras. not hurt by the bullet, which, according to vulgar apprehenfion, fwept away his legs ; the Follower of Berkeley, who, while he fits writing at his table, declares that he has neither table, paper, nor fingers ; have all the honour at Icait of being deceived by fallacies not cafily dctefted, and may plead that they did not forfake truth, but for appearances which they were riot able X^ diilinguifh from it. But the man who engages in a party has fet-^ dom to do with any thing remote or abftrafe. The prefent ftate of things is before his eyes; and, if he cannot be fatisfied without re- trofpeftion, yet he feidom extends his views Ijeyond the hiftorical events of the laft century^ All the knowledge that he can want is within his attainment, and moft of the argumenta iwrhich he can hear are within his capacity. Yet fo it is that an Idler meets every hour of his life with men who have different opinions upon every thing paft, prefent, and future ; who deny the moft notorious fafts, contradift the moft cogent truths, and pcrfift in aflerting to^ Ww. THE IDLER. 45 day what they afferted yefterday, in defiance of evidence, and contempt of confutation. Two of my companions, who are grown old in Idlenefs, are Tom ^:mpeft and Jack Sneaker, Both of them confider themfelves as neglected by their parties, and therefore intitled to credit, for why fliould they favour ingratitude ? They are both men of integrity, where no factious intereft is to be promoted, and both lovers of truth, when they are not heated with political debate. Tom T$mpeft is a Heady friend to the Houfe of Stuart, He can recount the prodigies that have appeared in the iky, and the calamities that have affli£led the nation every year from the Revolu- tion, and is of opinion, thatif the exiled family had continued to reign, there would have nei- ther been worms in our Ihips, nor caterpillars on our trees. He wonders that the nation was not awakened by the hard froft to a revocation of the true King, and is hourly afraid that the whole ifland will be loft in the fea. He believes that King ff^ilUam burned Whitehall that he might fteal the furniture, and that Tilhtfm died an Atheift. Of Queen jinne he fpeaks with more tendernefs, owns that (he meant well, and can tell by whom and why fhe was poifoned. In the fucceeding reigns all has been corruption, ma- hce, and defign. He believes that nothing ill has ever happened for thefe forty years by chance rr error; 4< THE IDLER, N* lo: erroT ; he holds that the battle of Dtttlngen war won by miftake, and that of FonUnoy lod by contraa ; that the ViSitry wis funk by a private otder ; that ComhiU was fired by cmiflarics from the Council ; and the arch of IVeftminfter^Brldge was fo contrived as to fink on purpofe that the nation might be put to charge. He confideri the new road to IJlinoton as an encroachment on libertv, and often aflerts that broad wheels will be the ruin of England. Tom is generally vehement 'and noify, but neverthelefs has forae fecrets which he always communicates in a whifper. Many and many a time has Tom told me, in a corner, that our miferies were almoft at an end, and that wc Ihould fee, in a month, another Monarch on the Throne ; the time elapfcs without a Revo- lution ; Tom meets me again with new intelli- gence, the whole fcheme is now fettled, and wc fliall fee great events in another month. Jack Sneaker is a hearty adherent to the prc- fcnt eftablifhment ; he has known thofe who faw the bed into which the Pretender was con- veyed in a warming-pan. He often rejoices that the nation was not enflaved by the Jrijh» He believes that King li^ill'tam never loft a . battle, and that, if he had lived one year longer, he would have conquered France. He holds , that Charles the Firft was a Papift. He allows there N-IOfet THE IDLER. 4r there were fome good men in the reign of •Que^n -^tnt, but the Peace of Utrecht brought a blaft upon the nation, and has been the caufe of all the evil that we have fufFered to the pre- fent hour. He believes that the fcheme of the South Sea was wejl intended, but that it mifcar- ried by the influence of France. He confidera a {landing army as the bulwark of liberty, thinks us fecured from corruption by Septen- nial Parliaments, relates how we arc enriched and flrengthencd by the Eleftoral Dominions, and declares that the public debt is a blefling to the nation. Yet amidft all this profperity, poor Jack is liourly difturbed by the dread of Popery. He Wonders that fome ftri£lcr laws are not made againft Papifts, and is fometimes afraid that they are bufy with French gold among the Bi« fhops and Judges. He cannot believe that the Nonjurors are fo quiet for nothing, they muft certainly be form- ing fome plot for the eftablifhment of Popery • he does not think the prefent Oaths fufEciently binding, and wiihes that fome better fecurity could be found for the fucceffion of Hanover^ He is zealous for the naturalization of foreign Proteftants, and rejoiced at the admiffion of the Jews to the Engli/h privileges, becaufe he thought a Jew would never be a Papift. 1 1 Numb* 4B THE IDLER. N»IK Numb. ii. Saturday, June 24, i7S8. IT is commonly obferved, that yvheii two Engli/hmen meet, their firft talk is of the weather; tliey are in hafte to tell each other, what each muft already know, that it is hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm. There are, among the numerous lovers of fubtilties and paradoxes, fome who derive the civil inflitutions of every country from its cli- mate, who impute freedom and flavery to the temperature of the air, can fix the meridian of vice and virtue, and tell at what degree of lati- tude we are to expert courage or timidity, knowledge or ignorance. From thefe dreams of idle fpeculation, a flight furvey of life, and a little knowledge of hiftory, is fufficient to awaken any Enquirer, whofe ambition of diftindtion has not over- powered his love of truth. Forms of govern- ment are feldom the refult of much delibera- tion ; they are framed by chance in popular aflemblies, or in conquered countries by de- fpotic authority. Laws are often occafional, often capricious, made always by a few, and fometimes by a fingle voice. Nations have changed their charafters ; Slavery is now no where more patiently endured, than in coun- tries once inhabited by the Zealots of Liberty. But N'li. THE IDLER. 49 1 But national cuftoms can arife only from general agreement; they are not impofeJ, hut chofen, and are continued only by the conti- nuance of their caufe. An Engli/hman''i no- tice of the weather is the natural confequence of changeable Ikies and uncertain feafons. In many parts of the world, wcr weather and drv are regularly expefted at certain periods ; but in our ifland every man goes to fleep, unable to guefs whether he Ihall behold in the morn- ing a bright or cloudy atmofpherc, whether his reft fhall be lulled by a fhower, or broken by a tempeft. We therefore rejoice mutually at good weather, as at an efcape from fomc- riiing that we feared, and mutually complain of bad> as of the lofs of fomething that wc hoped; Such IS the reafon of our prafticc; and who fhall treat it with contempt? Surely not the attendant on a Court, whofe bufinefs is to watch the boks of a being weak and foolilh as him- felf, and whofe vanity is to recount the names of men, who might drop into nothing, and leave no vacuity ; not the Proprietor of Funds, who ftops his acquaintance in the flreet, to tcU him of the lofs of half-a-crown ; nor the En- quirer after News, who fills his head with foreign events, and talks of ikirmifhes and fieges, of which no confequence will ever reach his hearers or himfelf. The weather is a nobler Vot. I, D an^ ! if ! 'k 5* THE IDLER. N*n. and more interefting fubjcft ; it is the prefent ftate of the ikies and of the earth, on which plenty and famine are fufpended, on which millions depend for the neceflarics of life. The weather is frequently mentioned for another reafon, lefs honourable to my dear countrymen. Our difpofitions too frequently change with the colour of the Sky ; and when we find ourfelves chearful and good-natured, we naturally pay our acknowledgements to the powers of Sun-fhine ; or if we fink into duU- nefs and peeviftinefs, look round the horizon for an excufe, and charge our difcontent upon an eafterly wind or a cloudy day. Surely nothing is more reproachful to a being endowed with reafon, than to refign its powers to the influence of the air, and live in depen- dance on the weather and the wind, for the only bleflings which Nature has put into our power. Tranquillity and Benevolence. To look up to the Sky for the nutriment of our bodies, is the condition of nature ; to call upon the Sun for peace and gaiety, or deprecate the Clouds left forrow Ihould overwhelm us, is the cowardice of Idlenefs, and the idolatry of Folly. Yet even in this age of enquiry and know- ledge, when fuperftition is driven away, and omens and prodigies have loft their terrors, we find this folly countenanced by frequent examples. Tliofe thatiaughat the portentous glare N^ II* THE IDLER. S« glare of a Comet, and hear a Crow with equal tranquillity from the right or left, will yet talk of times and fituations proper for intcUcaual performances, will imagine the fancy exalted by vernal breezes, and the reafon invigorated by a bright calm. If men who have given up themfelves to fanciful credulity would confine their conceits in their own minds, they might regulate their hves by the barometer, with inconvenience only to themfelves ; but to fill the world with ac- counts of intelleas fubjeft to ebb and flow, of one genius that awakened in the Spring, and another that ripened in the Autumn, of one itiind expanded in the Summer, and of another concentrated in the Winter, is no Jcfs dangerous tlian to tell children of Bugbears and Goblins. Fear will find every houfe haunted, and Idienefs will wait for ever for the moment of illuini- nation. This diftinaion of feafons is produced only by imagination operating on luxury. To Tern- perance every day is bright, and every hour is propitious to Diligence. He that fhall refo- lutely excite his faculties, or exert his virtues will foon make himfelf fuperior to the feafons', and may fet at defiance the morning mill and the evening damp, the blafls of the eafl and the clouds of the fouth. 5^ THE IDLlJUt. N°n. It was the boaft of the Stoic Philofophy, to make man unfhakcn by calamity, and undated by fuccefs, incorruptible by plcafe^'C, and in-, vulnerable by pain ; thefe arc heights of wifdom which none ever attained, and to which few can afpire ; but there are lower degrees of con- d^ancy neceflary to common virtue ; and every man, however he may diftruft himfelf in the extremes of good or evil, might at leaft ftruggle againft the tyranny of the climate, and refufe to cnflave his virtue or his reafon to the moft variable of all variations, the changes of the lyeather. Numb; 12. Saturday, July i, 1758. THAT every man is important in his own eyes, is a pofition of which we all either voluntarily or unwarily at leaft once an hour confefs the truth: and it will unavoidably fol- low, that every man believes himfelf important to the publick. The right which this importance gives us to general notice and viiible diftinftion, is one 6f thofe difputable privileges which we have not always courage to aflert ; and which we there- fore fufFer to lie dormant till fome elation of Mind, or viciiTitude of Fortune, incites us to declare N<» 12, declai THE IDLER. is ire our prctcnfions and enforce our demands. And hopelefs as the claim of vulgar charaaers may fecm to the fupercilious and fevere, there are few who do not at one time or other endea- vour to ftep forward beyond their rank, who do not make fome ftrugglcs for Fame, and (hew that they think all other conveniences and de- lights imperfeaiy enjoyed witliout a Name. To §et a Name, can happen but to a few. A Name, even in the moft commercial Nation, is one of the few things which cannot be bought. It is the free gift of mankind, which muft be deferred before it will be granted, and is at lafl unwillingly beftowcd. But this un- willingnefs only encreafes defire in him who believes his merit fufficient to overcome it. There is a particular period of life, m which this fondnefs for a Name feems principally to predominate in both fexes. Scarce any couple conies together, but the nuptials ^.re declared m the News-papers with encomiums on each party. Many an eye, ranging over the page with eager curiofity in queft Child^ The Brat mufl be humoured in every thing : he is therefore fufFered conflantly to play iiv the fhop, pull all the goods about, and clamber up the fhelves to get at the plumbs and fugar. I dare not correal him ; becaufe, if I did, I Ihould have Wife and Maid. both upon: me at once. As to the latter, fhe is as lazy and fluttilh as her Midrefs ;. and. becaufe fhe conii^ ^ plains^ Nm5» the idler. 6x phiins fhc has too much work, we can fcarce get her to do any thing at all : nay, what is worfe than that, I am airaid fhe is hardly honeft ; and as fhe is entrufted to buy in all our provifions, the Jade, I am fure, makes a market-penny out of every article. But to return to my Deary. — The evenings arc the only t.me, when it is fine weather, that 1 am left to myfelf ; for then fhe generally takes the child out to give it milk in the Park. When fhe comes home agai i, fhe is fo fatigued with walking, that (he cannot lliir from her chair ; and it is an hour, after the fhop is fhut, before I can get a bit of fupper, while the Maid is taken up in nndreffing and putting the Child to bed. But you will pity me much more, when I tell you the manner in which we generally pafs our Sundays, In the morning flie is commonly too ill to drefs herfelf to go to Church, fhe therefore never gets up till noon; and, what is flill more vexatious, keeps me m bed with her, when I ought to be bufily engaged ia better employment. It is well if fhe can get her things on by dinner-time ; and when that is over, I am fure to be dragged out by her either to Georgiay or F rnfey IVood^ or the li^h'ite Conduit Houfe. Yet even thefe near excurfiong are fo very fatiguing to her, that, befides what it cofts me in Tea^and hot Rolls, and Syllabubs, anil ■■■auuiui m ■" vmrni u THE IDLER. N' IS- and Cakes for the Boy, I am frequently forced to take a Hackney-coach, or drive them out in a One-horfe chair. At other times, as my Wife is rather of the fatteft, and a very poor walker, befides bearing her whole weight upon my arm, I am obliged to carry the Child myfelf. Thus, Sir, docs (he conftantly drawl out her time, without either profit or fatisfa£lion ; and, while I fee my neighbours Wives helping in the fhop, and almoft earning as much as their Huf- bands, I have the mortification to find, that mine is nothing but a dead weight upon me. Inihort, I do not know any greater misfortune can happen to a plain hard-working Tradefman, as I am, than to be joined to fuch a woman, who is rather a clog than an help-mate to him. I am. Sir, Your humble Servant, Zachary Treaclb. Numb. i6. Saturday, July 29, i7s8» IP AID a vifit yefterday to my old friend Ned Druggety at his country lodgings. Ned be- gan trade with a very fmall fortune ; he took d fmall houfe in an obfcure ftreet, and for fomfe years dealt only in remnants. Knowing that light gains make a heavy purfty he was content with N''i6. THE IDLER. 6^ with moderate profit ; having obfcrved or heard the effe£ls of civility, he bowed down to tho counter edge at the entrance and departure of every cuflomer, liftened without impatience to the objeaions of the ignorant, and rcfufed without refentment the offers of the penurious. His only recreation was to Hand at his own door and look into the flreet. His dinner was Cent him from a neighbouring Alehoufe , and he opened and Ihut the fhop at a certain hour with his own hands. His reputation foon extended from one end of the flreet to the other, and Mr. Drugget's exemplary conduct was recommended by every niafter to his apprentice, and by every father ta his fon. Ned was not only confidered as a thriving trader, but as a man of Elegance and Politenefs, for he was remarkably neat in his drefs, and would wear his coat thread-barc without fpotting it ; his hat was always brufhed^ hisfhoes glofTy, his wig nicely curled, and his flockings without a wrinkle. With fuch qua< lifications it was not very difficult for him to gain the heart of Mifs Comfit, the only daugh- ter of Mr. Comfit the Confeaioner. Ned is one of thofe whofe happinefs marriage has encreafed. His wife had the fame difpofw tion with himfelf, and his method of life was very litUe changed, except that he difmifled the lodgers ^ THE IDLER. N" 16. lodgers from the firft floor, and took the whole houfe into his own hands. He had already, by his parlimony, accumu- lated a confiderable Turn, to which the fortune of his wife was now added. From this time he began to grafp ait greater acquifitions, and was silways ready, with money in his hand, to pick tip the refufe of a Sale, or to buy the Stock of a Trader who retired from bufinefs. He foon added his parlour to his (hop, and was obliged, a few months afterwards, to hire a warehoufe. He had now a (hop fplendidly and copioufly furnifhed with every thing that time had injured, or fafliion had degraded, with fragments of tiflues, odd yards of brocade, vaft bales of faded fiik, and innumerable boxes of antiquated rib- bons. His Ihop was foon celebrated through all quarters of the town, and frequented by every form of oftentatious poverty. Every maid, whofe misforttune it wai. to be taller than her Lady, matched her gown at Mr. Drugget's j and many a maiden who had paiTed a winter with her aunt in London^ dazzled the Ruftics, at her return, with cheap finery which Drugget had fupplied. His ihop was often vifited in a anorning by Ladies who left their coaches in the next flrcet, and crept through the Alley in linen gowns. Drugget knows the rank of his cuftomers by their bafhfulnefs, and when he finds N"i6. THE IDLER. 7, finds them unwUling to be feen, invites them up fta.rs, or retires with them to tlie back window I rejoiced at the encreafing profperity of mv friend, and imagined that as he grew rich he was growing happy. His mind is pSken Ae enlargement of his fortune. When I ft.p" pedmforthe firft five years, I was weJcon ed only with a ftiake of the hand; i„ the next period of his life, he beckoned icrofs the vay for a pot of beer; but, for fix years paft, he invusmeto dmner, and, if he befpfaks' me Ztjf ^'- '''-' '-'' '° «^^'^ - With , ; His riches neither made him uncivil nornef- hgent: he rofe at the fame hour, attended wifh the fame affidu.ty, and bowed with the fame gem enefs. But for fome years he h £„ neft an^ the '° « '' °' *^ ^"'S"" "^ '"'«" nels, and the confinement of a Ihop, and to wifli that he had been fo happy as to have r! reliJ^^'f "'''^''^"™' thatheSit have hvcjd without noife and hurry, i„ a pure a.r in the artlefs fociety of honeft Villa|er I foon difcovered the caufe of my friend's Philofophy He thought himfeif grown rich enough to have a lodging in the colint^, kt he Mercers on Ludtau-mtl, and was refolved toenjoyhimfelf in the decline of hk £ was a revolution not to be made fuddenly. He talked ja THE IDLER. N'' 16.^ talked three years of the plcafures of the coun- try, but paffed every night over his own Ihop, But at laft he refolved to be happy, and hired a lodging in the country, that he may ileal fome hours in the week from bufinefs ; tor, fays he, when a man advances m Ufe^ he loves to enterta'm hlmfelf fometimes with his own thoughts. I was invited to this feat of quiet and con- templation among thofe whom Mr. Drugget confiders as his moft reputable friends, and de- lires to make the firft witnefles of his elevation to the higheft dignities of a Shopkeeper. I found him at IJlington, in a room which over-looked th« high road, amufing himfelf wich loo!.ing through the window, wiiich the clouds of duU would not fufFer him to open. He embraced me, told nie I was welcome into the Country, and afked me. If I did not feel my feif refrefhed. He then deiired that dinner might be haftened, for frelh air always fharpened his appetite, and ordered mr a toafl and a glafs of wiF*e after my walk. He told me much of the. pleaiure he found in retirement, and wondered what iiad kept him io long out of the Country. After dinner, company came in» and Mr. Drugget again repeated the pr^fes of the Country, re- commended the pleafures of Meditation, and told them, that he had been all the morning at the window, counting the carriages as they pafled before him. NUM3, K^ 17, THE IDLER. 73 Numb. 17. Saturday, Augujl ^^ 1758. THE rainy weather, which has continued the laft month, is faid to have given great difturbance to the infpeaors of barometers. 1 he oraculous glaffes have deceived their vota- ries ; fhower has fucceeded fliower, though they predicted funfhine and dry Ikies ; and by fatal confidence in thefe fallacious promifcs, many coats have loft their glofs, and many curls beeiv moiftened to flaccidity. This is one of the diftrefTes to which mor- tals fubjea themfelves by the pride of fpecu- latjon. I had no part in this learned difappoint- ment, who am content to credit my fenfes, and to believe that rain will fall when the air blackens, and ,that the weather will be dry when the fun is bright. My caution indeed does not always prefervc me from a fhower. To be \vet, may happen to the* genuine Idler-, but to be wet in oppofition to Theory, can befal only the Idhr that pretends to be bufy. Of thoib that fpin out life in triiies, and die without a memorial, many flatter themfelves with hioh opinions of their own importance, and ima- gine that they are every day adding fome im- provement to human life. To be 'idle and to be poor, have always been reproaches, and therefore every man endeavours, with his utmoft '^ care. « THE IDLER. W7d 74 * o JL 1 JL^ j^ iL «.• iv" 1 7, caie, to hide his poverty from others, and his Jdlenefs from himfelf. Among tliofe whom I never could perfuade to rank theinfelves with IdUrs^ and who fpeak with indignation of my morning fleeps and nofturnal rambles ; one pafles the day in catch- ing fpiders, that he may count their eyes with a niicrofcope ; another ere£ts his head, and exhi- bits the duft of a marigold feparaied from the flovirer with a dexterity worthy of Leeuwenhcck himfelf. Some turn the wheel of Ele6lricity> fome fufpend rings to a load-ftone, and find that what they did yefterday they can do again to-day. Some regifter the changes of the wind, and die fully convinced that the wind is changeable. There are men yet more profound, who have heard that two colourlefs Hquors may produce a colour by union, and that two cold bodies will grow hot if tliey are mingled : they mingle them, and produce the efFeft expected, fay it is ilrange, and mingle them again. The Idlers that fport only with inanimate nature may claim fome indulgence; if they are ufelefs, they are ftill innocent: but there are others, .whom I know not how to mentioii without more emotion than my love of quiet willingly admits. Among the inferior Pro.- feffors of medical knowledge, is a race of wretches, whofe lives are only varied by va^ rietje§ ^-'7- THE IDLER. ^ rieties of cruelty; whofe favourite imntcmZ IS to nail dogs to tables and open themT try how long life .ay be Z^td "nti:: outh or injeaed into the vet ° """ ''" It IS not without reluaance that T «ff j , fenfibilityof the tender mind whh jf "'f ,'''= *hefe. If f„ch cruelties were Tt Z^^r i •' were to be defired that tl Jy LuM f .k ''' " ceived; but fince they "re nS T ""■ with oftentarion, le me bf "tt /'"^ ^'^ mention them L J t °^^^ ""'^^ 'o horrence ' ^ '°'"''°" *^ ^ith ab- H„f h""''','""''''''"^^ remarked of /T.^A^,,^ felf Phyficra:;^°4~£felf"''b't '"/"■ "uelty for that profeLn wh^h 'he if tl^^r" s^Tdra^dtot:!.::^:^??^ -r ^- ^as opportunities t eZd^j^V ^^^^^ «nd do^. "^ '*' '"- '^■■^"'° '^i^d "PO" cat, ^ 2 What ! ""T i i :'Mr 76 THE IDLER.. Np 17. What is alledged in defence of thefe hate-. M prafVices, every one knows ; but the truth is, that by knives, fire, and poifon, knowledge is not always fought, aiid is very feldom attained. The experiments that have been tried, are tried again ; he that burned an animal with irons yeflerday, will be willing to amufe himfelf with burning another to-morrow. I know not, that by living difle^tions any difcovc'ry has been made by which a fingle malady is more ealily cured. And if the knowledge of Phyfiology has been fomewhat increafed, he furely buys knowledge dear, who learns the ufe of the la^teals at the expence of his humanity. It is, time that univerfal rcTentiacnt Ihould arii'e againft thcfe horrid operations, which tend to harden the heart, extinguillr thole fenfations which give man confidence in man, and make the Phyfician more dreadful than the gout or Hone. • r^^/^^>^^ Numb. i3. Satup.dav, /fuguji 12, 1.758. To the IDLER. Sir, IT commonly happens to him who endea- vours to obtain diflin£tion by ridicule, or, cenfure, that he teaches others to pra£tife his own arts againft himfelf i and that, after a fhort enjoy- 1 N^ 1 8. THE IDLER. n enjoyment of the applaufe paid to his fagacity, or of the mirth jxcited by his wit, he is doomed to fuffer the fame feverities of fcrutiny, to hear inquiry detefting his faults, and exaggeration iporting with his failings. The natural difcontent of inferiority will feldom fail to operate in fome degree of malice againft him, who profeffes to fiipcrintend the condua of others, efpeclally if he feats himfclf uncalled in the chair of Judicature, and excr- cifes Authority by his own commifTion. You cannot, therefore, wonder that vour ■oblervatiohs on human folly, if they produce daughter at one time, awaken criticifm at ano- ther; and that among the number j whom you have taught to fcofF at the retirement of Dr«^-. ■get,^ there is one who offers his apology. The miftake of your old friend is by no means peculiar. I'he public pleafures of ht the greater part of mankind are counterfeit. Very few carry their philofophy to places of diverfion, or are very careful to analyfe their enjoyments. The general conditlbn of lire is fo full of mifery, that we are glad to catch de- light without enquiring whence it comes, or by what power it is beflowed. ' The mmd is feldom quickened to very vigo- rous operations but by pain, or the dread'' of pam. We do not difturb ourfelves with the detedion- of fallacies which do us no harm, rfor E3 willingly 7» THE IDLER. N« if. willingly decline a plcafing cffeft to invertigate its caufe. He diat is happy, by whatever means, defires nothing but the contin-uance of happincfs, and is no more folicitous to diftrir- butc his fenfations into their proper fpccies, than the common gazer oiv the beauties of the fpring to feparate light into its original rays. Pleafure is therefore feldom luch as it appearsT to others, nor often fuch as we reprefent it to ourfelves. Of the Ladies that fparkie at a mu- lical performance, a yery fmsrll number has any quick fenlibility of harmonious founds. But every one that goes has her pleafure. She has th'-* pleafure of wearing fine cloaths, and of Ihewing them, of out-fhining thofc whom flic fufpeds to envy her ; (he has the pleafure of appearing among other Ladies in a place whi- ther ilie race of meaner mortals feldom in* trudes, and of refled^ing that, in the coBverfa- tions of the next morning, her name will be mentioned among thofe that fat in the firll row ; fhe has the pleafure of returning courteiies, or refusing to return them, of receiving compli- ments with civility, or rejecting them with dif- dain ; fhe lias the pleafure of meeting fomc of her acquaintance, of guefling why the reft arc abfent, and of telHng them that :fhe faw the opera, on pretence of inquiring why they would mifs it ; (he has the pleafure of being fuppofed to be pleafed with a refined amufe^ ment, and of hoping to be numbered among^ the N*i8. THE IDLER. 79 the votrcfles of harmony $ (he has the pleafurc of efcaping for two hours the fupcriority of a fifter, or the controul of a hufband ; and from all thcfc pleafures flie concludes, that heavenly mufic is the balm of Jife. AJI aflemblics of gaiety are brought together by raotives of the fame kind. The Theatre is not filled with thofe that know or regard the the fkill of the Ador. nor the Ball-room by thofe who dance, or attend to the Dancers. To all places of general refort. where the ftandard of pxeaxure is erev^ed, we nm with cqurd eagrf- nefs, or appearance of eagerncfi. for very dif. ferent reafoas. One goes that he may L he has been there; another, becaufehe never mifles. This man goes to try what he can find ; and that, to difcover what others find. What- ever diyerfion is coftly will be frequented by thofe who defire to be t >ought rich ; and what- ever has, by any accident, become fafhionnblc, eafiiy continues its reputation, becaufe every one IS afliamed of not partaking it. To every place of entertainment we go with expeaation, and defire of being pleafed; we meet others who are brought by the lame mc tives; no one will be the firft to own the difap- pointment ; one face refieas the fmile of ano- ther, till each believes the reft delighted, and endeavours to catch and tranfmit the circulating rapture. In time, all are deceived by the cheat to which all contribute. The fiftion of happi-. E 4 aefs go THE IDLER. N" 19. nefs is propagated by every tongue, and con- iirmed by every look, t'H nt laft all profefs the joy which they do not feci, confent to yield to the general delufion ; and, when the voluntary dream ir at an end, lament that hlifs is of (o fnort a duration. •If Drugget pretended to picafures of which he had no perception, or boafled of one amufe- ment where he was indulging another, what did he which is not done by all thofc who read his flory; of whom fomc pretend delight in convcrfatlon, only becaufe they dare not be alone ; fome praife the quiet of folitude, becaufe they are envious of fenfe and impatient of folly ; and fome gratify their pride, by writing cha- racters which expofe the vanity of life ? . I am, Sir, Your humble Servant, Numb. 19. Saturd'ay, Jugujl i(), 1758. Q O M E of thofe ancient Sages that have ex- kJ ercifcd their abilities in the enquiry after the Supreme Gcod^ have been of opinion, that the the higheft degree of earthly bappinefs is Qiiiet ; a calm repofe both of mind and body, undif- turbed by the fight of folly or the noife of bu- fmefs, the tumults of public commotion, or the agitations of private intereft j a Hate ni which N'^rg. THE IDLER. ft which the mind has no other employment, but to obferv<; and regulate her own motions, to trace thought from thought, combine one imaf^e with another, raife Syftems of Science, and form Theories of Virtue. To the Scheme of thcfe folitary Speculatifls It has been juftiy objefted, that if they arc happy, they are happy only by being ufelcfs ; that mankind is one .aft republick, where every individual receives many benefits from the la- bour of others, which, by labouring in his turn for others, he is obliged to repay; and that where the united efforts of ail are not able to 'exempt all from mifery, none have a right to withdraw from their tafk of vigilance, or to be indulged in idle wifdom or folitary pleafures. It is common for Controvcrtifts, in the heat of difputation, to add one poiition to anothc* till they reach the extremities of knowledge, where truth and fallhood lofe their diftinaioji! Their admirers follow them to the brink of ab- furdity, and then ftart back from each fide towards the middle point. So it has happened in this great difquifition. Many perceive alike the force of the contrary arguments, find qufet fliameful, and bufmefs dangerous, and there- fore pafs their lives between them, in buflle without bufintfs, and in negligence without quiet. . ^S Among ii I w \; ^ IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) {./ .^^.^^ Z f/j :/.. 1.0 I.I L^I^S |Z5 1.8 US lis 140 11.25 il.4 1.6 ^ '/ -^r /A ?»* Hiotographic Sciences Corporation 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. 14580 (716) 873-4503 ) ,.<^. 'A:^ fe 9^ THE' IDLER. N^ i^. Among the princiixal names of this moderate fet is that great Fhilofopher Jacyf mirier,, whofe bufinefs keeps him in perpetual motion^ and whofe motion always eludes his bufmcfs ; who is always to do what he never does, who cannot fland ftill bccaufe he is wanted in another place, and who is wanted in many places becaufe h©^ flays in none. Jack has more bufinefs than he can conweni^- ently tranfaft in one houfe; he has therefore^ one habitation near iff^w Churchy and another about a. mile diftant; By this ingenious diftri- bution of him(elf between two houfes. Jack }ms contrived to be found at neither. Jock'i trade is extcniive, and he has many dealers;, his convcrfation is fprightly, and he has many companions ; his difpofition is kind, and he- has many friends. J/ank neither forbear* plear fure for bufinefs, nor omits bufinefs for plea<- fnrc, but is equally invifible to his friends and* his cuftomers, to him that comes with an in-- vitation to a club, and to. him that waits to fettle ^n, account. When youf caU at his houft, his Clerk tells : you, thsLt Mr. fP^hirler was juil ftept o»t> but will be at home exaflly at two; you wait at a CofFee-houfe till two, and then find that he has been at home, and is gone out again, but left word that he fhould be at the Half-moon Tvf^xvt^ n. feven, wUexe he -kppes to meet you. Att ieyeib „__aie&S:^_^. THE IDLER. »3 N* 19. f-ven you go to the Tavenu At eight in comes Mr. IVbirUr to tell you, that he is glad to fee' you, and only begs leave to run for a few mi^ nutes to a Gentleman that lives near the Ex» change^ front whom he will return before fuppec can be wady. Away he runs to ihz Exehangt^ to tell thofc who arc waiting for hira, that he' jnuft beg them to defer the bufihefs till to- morrow, bccaufc bis time is come at the Half^ moon. JaekU chearfulnefe and civility rank hinr among thofe whole prefence never gives pain^ and whom adl receive with fondnefs and careflcs. He calls often on his friends, to tell them, that he will come again to-morrow ; on tiie morrow ht comes again to tell them liow an iincxpeaedl ftimmon^ hurries him- away. When he enters a houfe, his firft declaration is, tliat he cannot fit doiwn; and fo Ihort arc his viiitSj that he feldom appears to have come for any other rea- fonbuttofay, He mull go. The dogs of Egypt^ when thirft brings thcm^ to the Nilf^ are faid to run as they drink, for fear of the Crocodiles. Jak m/irhr always dines at full fpced. He enters, finds the fkmily at table; fits familiarly down^ and fills his plate; but while the firft morfel is in his mouth, hears the clock ftrike, and rifcs ; then goes to another houfe^ fits down again, recol- leas another engagement; hat only time to t»fte the foup, makes a fhort excufcto thccom- E6 panj:, THE IDLER. NO II 84 i.nE.i.uL.tL,ts., JN" 19. pany, and continues through another ftreet his defultory dinner. But overwhelmed as he is with bufinefs, his chief defire is to have flill more. Every new propofal takes pofleffion of his thoughts; he foon balances probabilities, engages in the pro- jeft, brings it almoft to completion, and then forfakes it for another, which he catches with fome alacrity, urges with the fame vehemence, and ablandons with the fame coldnefs. Every man may be obferved to have a certain drain of lamentation, fome peculiar theme of complaint on which he dwells in his moments of dejection. Jack^s topic of forrow, is the want of Time. Many an excellent defign lan- guifhes in empty theory for want of Time. For the oniiffion of any civilities, want of Time is his plea to others ; for the neglect of any affairs, want of Time is his excufe to himfelf. That he wants Time, he fmcerely believes ; for he once pined away, many months with a lin- gering diftemper, for want of Time to attend his health. . .» Thus Jack lf%rkr lives in |)erpetual fa- tigue without proportionate advantage, becaufe he does not" coniider that no man can fee all with his own eyes, or do all with his own hands ; that whoever is engaged in multiplicity of bulinefs, muft tranfaft much by fubftitu- tipn, and leave- fomething to hazard ; and that N* 19, . THE IDLER. <% he who attempts to do all, will wafte his life in doing little. Numb. 20. Saturday, /«^w/? 26, 1758. THERE is ho crime more infamous than the violation of Truth. It is apparent that men can be focial beings no longer than they believe each other. When fpeech is em- ployed only as the vehicle of fallhood, every man muft difunite himfclf from others, inhabit his own cave,, and feck prey only for himfelf. Yet the law of Truth, tlm^ facred and nf^- ceflfary, is broken without punilhment, with- out cenfure, in compliance with inveterate pre- judice, and prevailing paffions. Men are willing to credit what they wifli, and encourage rather thofo. who gratify them with pleafure, than tliofe that inftru(5l them with fidelity. For this reafon every Hiftorian difcovers his country ; and it is impoffible to read the dif- ferent accounts of. any great event, without a wi(h that Truth had more power over partiality. Amidft the joy of my countrymen for the acquifition of Louijhourg^ I could not forbear to confider how differently this revolution of Ame- ucan power is not only now mentioned by the con- 86 THE IDLER. N^aoj contending nations, but will be reprcfented by' the Writers of another Century. The Engli/h Hiftorian will imagine himfelf barely doing juft ice to Englijh virtue, when he relates the capture of Louifiourg in the following: manner : " The EngUJh had hitherto feen, with great indignation, their attempts baffled and their force defied by an enemy, whom they conii- dered themfelves as intitled to conquer by the right of prefcription, and whom many ages of hereditary fuperiority had taught them- to defpife. Their fleets were more numerous, and riieir Seaman braver than thofe of France ; yet they enly floated ufelefs on the Ocean, and the French derided them from their Ports* Misfortunes, at • is ufual, produced difcontent^ the people mur- mured at the Minifters, and the Miniftcrs cen* fnred the Commanders^ ** In the Summer of this year, the Engllfli began to find their fucccfs anfwerable to their caufe. A Fleet and an Army were fent to Jlme^ rica ta diflbdge the enemies from the Settle* ments which they had fo perfidiouifly made, and^ £0 infolently maintained^ and to rcprefs that- power which was growing more every day by liie affbciation of the Indians, with' whom thefe ^generate Europeans intermarried, and whom^^ Aey fccurcd to their party by prcfents and pro*^ M -A In. N^ao. THE IDLER. ^f •* In the bcgiinmng of June the (hips of war and vedels containing the land-forces appeared before Loui/bourgy a place fo fccure by nature that art was altnoft fuperfluous, and yet fortified' by art as if nature had left it open. The Frencir boafted that it was impregnable, and fpoke with' fcorn of all attempts that could be made ag*infl k. The garrifon was numerous, the l^ores equal to the longeft fiegc, and their Engineer*: and Commanders high in reputation. The mouth of the harbour was fo narrow, that three fliips within might eafily defend it againft all; attacks from the fea. The French had, with that eaution which cowards borrow from fear and attribute to policy, eluded our fleets, and fent into that port five great Ihips and fix fmaller, of which they funk four in the mouth of the paf- fegCj having raifed batteries, and pofted^ troops,, at all the places where they tliought it poffible to make a defcent. The BngUJh^^ however, had? more to dread from, the roughncfe of the fea, tiian fh)m the ikiH or bravery of the defendants*. Some days paiftd before the furges, which ri?e very high, roundjthat iflind,, wouldifufler them. to landi Afc laft their impatience could be r©- flrained no longer; liiey got poflcflionof the ihore with little lofs by the fea, and with Icfs by the enemy.. In a few days the artillery was landed, the batteries were raifed; and the Fnnch^ had.ao ojther hope than-to cfcapc finom one poft to. ^8 THE IDLER. N° 20. to aiiotlier. A fhot from the batteries fired the powder in one of their largeft Ihips, the flame Ipread to the two next, and all three were de- llroyed; the En^lijh Admiral lent his boats a^ainft the two large (hips yet remaining, took theyi without refinance, and terrified the garri- fon to an immediate capitulation." . . Let us now oppofe to this Engl'tjh narrativf the relation which will be produced, about the lame time, by the wiiter of the age of Louis XY, ** About this time the Englljh admitted tp the condud of affairs,: a Man who undertook to fave from deflrudion that ferocious apd turi- bulent people, who, from the mean infolence of wealthy Traders, and the lawlefs confidence of fuccefsful Robbers, were now funk in de- fpair and flupified with horror. He called Jn the fhips which had been difperfed over the Ocean to guard their Merchants, and fent a fleet and an army, in which alniofl thewhole flrength of England was eomprifed, to fecure their pof- fefTions in Ammca^ which were endangeredalike by the French 2LTms and the French virtue. We had taken the Engiijh fortrefTes by force, and gained the Indian Nations by humanity. The Englijh, wherever they come, are fu re to have the natives for their enemies ; jfor the only mo- tive of iheir fettlements is avarice, and the only coafequence of their fuccefs is oppreflion. In this N^ao. THE IDLER. 9g this war they a£lecl like other Barbarians, and, with a degree of outrageous cruelty, which the gentlenel's of our manners fcarce lufFers us to conceive, offered rewards by open procla- mation to thofe who fliould bring in the fcalps of Indian women and children. A Trader* always makes war with the cruelty of a Pirate. ** They had long looked with envy and with terror upon the influence which the French ex- erted over all the Northern Regions of AmerUa by the pofleiTion of LcuJJhntrg, a place naturally ftrong, .a'.id new-fortified with feme flight otrt- works. They hoped to furprize the garrifon lUiprovided ; but that fluggifhnefs which always ' defeats their malice, gave us time to {Qwd fup- plies, and to ftation (hips for the defence of the harbour. They came before Loufi.urg in Junc^ and were for fometime in doubt whether they fhoald land. But the Commanders, who had lately ktn an Admiral beheaded for not having done what he had not power to do, durft not leave the place unafTaulted. An Engiijhman has no ardour for honour, nor zeal for duty; he neither values glory nor loves his King ; but ba- lances one danger with another, and will fight rather than be hanged. They therefore landed, but with great lofs ; th'eir Engineers had, in the laft war with the French^ learned fomething of the Military Sciences, and made their approaches with fuiiicient Ikiil \ but all their efforts had been without > THE IDLER. n^ ^^ witW cffea, had not a bail untbrtunately 2 n into the powder of one of our Ihips, which communicated the fire to the reft, and, by opening the paffage of the harbour, obliged he garnfon to capitulate. Tlius was Loui/bour. iolt, and our troops marched out with the ad- iniration of their enemies, who durft hardly think thcmfelvcs mafters of the place." Numb. ai. Satuhdav, Eeptemh^rz, 175$, y^ /Ar IDLER. n^ H E R E i s a fpecies of mifery or of difeafc, X for which our language is commonly fup- pofed to be without a name, but which I think is emphatically enough denominated Li/ilejfne/s^ and which is commonly termed a want of lomething to do. Of the unhapplnefs of this ftate I do not expea all your readers to have an adequate idea. Many are overburthened with bufinefs, and can imagine no comfort but in reft; many have minds fo placid, as willingly to indulge a volun- tary lethargy ; or fo narrow, as eafily to be filled to their utmoft capacity. By thefe I Ihall not be undcrftood, and therefore camiot be pitied. , Thofc N'21. THE IDLER. 91 Thofc only will fympathize with my complaint, whofe imagination is a£tivc and rcfolution weak, whofe defires are ardent* and whofe choice is delicate; who cannot fatisfy themfelves with {landing ilill, and yet caJinot find a motive to direct their courfe. I was the fecond fon of a Gentleman, whofe eftatc was barely fufficient to fupporthimfelf and his heir in the dignity of killing game. He therefore made nfe of the intcrcft which the alli- ances of his family afforded him, to procure me a poft in the Army. I palfcd fome yeara in the moft contemptible of all human flations, that of a Soldier in time of Peace. I wandered with the regiment as tlie quarters were changed, with- out opportunity for buiinefs, taftc for knowledge, or money for pleafure. Wherever I came, I was for fome time a ftranger without curioiity, and afterwards an acquaintance without friend- Ihip. Having nothing to hope in thefe places of fortuitous refidence, I refigned my conduct to chance ; I had no intention to offend, I had no ambition to delight. I fiippofe every man is (hocked when he hears how frequently Soldiers are wilhing for War. The wifh is not always fincere ; the greater part are content with deep and lace, and counterfeit an ardour which they do not feci ; but tliofe who defire it moft are neither prompted by malevo- lence nor patriotifm -,. they neither pant for lau- xels» mmmmm Mi I 9* THE IDLER. N^ ar. rcls, nor delight in blood ; but long to be deli- vered from the tyranny of idlcncfs, and icftorcd to the dignity of aaivc beings. I never imagined myfelf to have more courage than other men, yet was often involuntarily wifhing for a war, but of a war at that time I had no profpe£l; and being enabled, by the death of an uncle, to live without my pay, I quitted the army, and refolved to regulate my 'own motions, ' 1 was pleafed for a while with the novelty of independance, and imagined that I had ftow 'found what every man defires. My time was in my own power, and itiy habitation was wherever my choice (hould fix it. I araufed myfelf for two years, in pafling from place to place, and comparing one convef -nee with another; but being at lall ailiamed -f enquiry, and Weary of uncertainty, 1 purchafcdahoufe, and eftabhihed my family. I now expe£ted to begin to be happy, and was happy for a fhort time with that expeda. tion. But I foon perceived my fpirits to fubfide, and my imagiiiation to groW dark. The 'gloom thickened every day round me. I wondered by what malignant power my peace was blafted, till I difcovered at laft that I had nothing to do. Time, with all its celerity, moves flowly to him, whofe whole employment is to watch its flight. I am forced upon a thoufand 'hifts to ' s enable L N*^!!, THE IDLER. 93 cjiabic me to endure the tcdioufiicfs of the day. I rife when I can flcep no longer, and take my morning-walk i I Ibe what I have keix before, and return. I fit down, and perfuadc myrelf that I fit down to think, find it impoffible to think without a fubjea, rife up to enquire after news, and endeavour to kindle in myfcif an artiticial impatience for intelligence of events, which will never extend any confequcnce to me, but that a few minutes ihcy abltraa me from myfelf. When I have heard any thing tliPt may rra- tify curiofity, 1 am bufied, for a while, in run- ning to relate it. I haften from one place of con- courfe to another, delighted with my o^vn im- portance, and proud to think that I am doino- lomething, though I know that another hour would fpare my labour. I had once a round of vifits, which I paid very regularly, but I have now tired molt of my friends. When I have fat down I forget to rife, and have more than once over-heard one aiking another when I would be gone. I per- ceive the company tired, I obferve the miftrefs of the famiJy whifpering to her fervants, I find orders given to put off bufinefs till to morrow, I fee the watches frequently infpe^ed, and; yet cannot withdraw to the vacuity of folitude, or venture myfelf in my own company. Thus ^4 THE IDLER. W au Thus burthenfome to myfAf and others, I form many fchemes of employment which may make my life ufeful or agreeable, and exempt mc from the ignorainy of living by fuiTerance. This new courfe I have long defigned, but have not yet begun. The prefent moment is never proper for the change, but there is always a time in virv when all obftacles will be removed, and I fhall furprize all that know me with a new dillributipn of my time. Twenty years have pail lince 1 have refolved a complete amendment, and twenty years have been loft in delays. Age is coming upon me; and I (hould look back with rage and defpair upon the waftc of life, but that 1 am now beginning in earneft to begin a reformation. I am, Sir, Your humble Servant, Dick Linger. Numb. aa. Saturday, Septmther ^y 1758. A r« thi IDLER; S 1 was palling lately under one of the gates of this city, I was flruck with hor- ror N°M. THE IDLER, ror by a rueful cry, which fummoned me /» rf. member the ptor debtors. '^ •« rt. The Wifdom and juftlce of the BnglSA laws are by En.UMen at leaft. loudly cefebLtl but fcarcely the moft zealous admirers of ol; Inft,tut.oas can think that law wife, which when men are capable of work, oblige them Jj beg; orjuft. which expofes the libfrty «f o, " to the paffions of another. ' xJt^'^rlX °^/ ^^^^ " Proportionate to ptoyed. To the community, fedition is a fever, corruption IS a gangrene, and idlenefs an atro- phy. Whatever body, and whatever fccietv waftes more than it ^^^, ^„ft ^^ [' Jecay ; and every being that continues to be fed :e;bu:rr^'^^''-^-^^-«'>'nsfrom The confinement, therefore, of any man in thefloth anddarknefsof aprifon, is'a Toft o Je nat, on and no gain to the Creditor. For of the multitudes who are pining in thofe cells of m,fery, a very fmall part is fufpefted of any fraudulent aa by which they retain what beW ^nS'of ^.!;^''^--Pri'-onedbythewZ tonnef of pnde. the malignity of revenge, ox theacrunonyof difappointede^eaation.^ Jl k' ^'*^° *"' rigoroufly exercife the be led H K '""'^^ P« into their hands, oe alked, why they continue tn im,,,;r»„ .u./-! r - « "^ a««j^J-4 44Vi4 LiiUiC whom ^6 THE IDLER- N"22. whom they know to be unable to pay them ; one will anfwer, that his Debtor once lived better than himfelf; another, that his wife looked above her neighbours, and his children went in fUk cloaths to the dancing-fchool ; and another, that he pretended to be a joker and a wit. Some w'ill reply, that if they were in debt, they (hould meet with the farxie treatment ; fome, that they owe no more than they can pay, and need there - fore give no account of their actions. Sorae^will confefs their refolution, that their Debtors (hall rot in jail ; and fome will difcover, that they hope, by cruelty, to wring the payment fiom their friends. The end of all civil regulations is to fecure private happine'fs from private malignity; to keep individuals from the power of one ano- ther; but this end is apparently negleaed, when a man, irritated with lofs, is allowed to be the judge of his own caufe, -and to afTign the punifhment of his own pain ; when the diftmc- tion between guilt and happinefs, between cafu- alty and delign, is entrufted to eyes bhnd with intereft, to undeiflandings depraved by refent- ment. Since Poverty is punidied among us as a crime, it ought at leall to be treated with the fame lenity as other crimes ; the offender ought not to languiOi at the will of him whom he has offended, but to be allowed foms appeal to the • .tit I'*?' N°2a. THE IDLER. ^f juftice of his country. There can be no reafoii why any Debtor Ihould be imprifoned, but that he may be compelled to payment ; and a term fhould therefore be fixed, in which the Creditor Ihould exhibit his accufation of con- cealed property. If fuch property can be difco- vered, let it be given to the Creditor ; if the charge is not offered, or cannot be proved, let the prifoner be difmiffed. , . Thofe who made the laws have apparently fuppofed, that every deficiency of payment is the crime of the Debtor. But the truth is, that the Creditor always fhares the aft, and often more than fbares the guilt of improper truft. It feldom happens that any man impri- fons another but for debts which he fuffercd to t)e contraaed in hope of advantage to himfel^ and for bargains in which he proportioned liis profit to his own opinion of the hazard • and Iherc is no reafpn, why one fhould punifli the other for a contradl in which both concurred. Many of the inhabitants of prifonsmayjuftjy complain of harder treatment. He that once owes more than he can pay, is often obliged to bribe his Creditor to patience, by encreafiiig; his debt. Worfe and worfe commodities, at a higher and higher price, are forced upon him ; he is impoveriflied by corapulfive traffick, and at laft overwhelmed, in tlie common receptacles •of mifery, by debts, which, without his own ^"<>^- i- F con- ii ^S THE IDL:ER. K*2t. confent, were accumulated on his head. To the reUef of this diftrefs, no other objeaion can be made, but that by ancafy diflblution of debta, fraud will be left without punifhment, and imprudence without awe, and that when infolvcncy fhall be no longer punifhable, credit will ceafe. The motive to credit, is the hope of advan- tage. Commerce can never be at a Hop, while one man wants what another can fupply ; and credit will never be denied, while it is hkely to be repaid with profit. He that trufts one whom he defigns to fue, is criminal by the a£l of truft ; the ceflation of fuoh infidious traffick is to be dcfired, and no reafon can be given why a ^change of the law (hoild impair any other. We fee nation trade with nation, where no payment can be compelled. Mutual conveni* cnce produces mutual confidence ; and the Mer- chants continue to fatisfy the demands of each other, though they have nothing to dread but the lofs of trade. ' It is vain to continue an inftitution, which .experience fhews to be inefFe£tual. We have now imprifoned one generation of Debtors af- ter another, but we do not find that their num- bers leffen. We have now learned, that rafh- nefs and imprudence will not be deterred from taking credit! Let us try whether fraud and ava- N*»i»2. THE IDLER. ff avarice may be more eafily reftrained from giv- ing it, lam, Sir, &c. KuMB. 23. Saturday, September 23, 1758V LI FE has no pleafure hightr or tiobler ihaa that of Friendfhip. It is painful to con. hder that this fubhme enjoyment may be im- paired or deftroyed by innumerable caufes, anci that there is no human pofleffion of which th» duration is lefs certain. Many have talked, in very exalted langtiafrc, of the perpetuity of Friendfhip, of Invincible Conaancy, and unalienable Kindnefs ; and fome examples have been feen of men who have continued faithful to their earlieft choice, and whofe afFeaion has predominated over change* of fortune, and contrariety of opinion. But thefe inftances are memorable, becauft they are rare. The Friendfhip which is to be praaifed or expeaed by common mortals, muft take its rife from mutual pleafure, and muft end when the power ceafes of delighting each other. Many accidents therefore may happen, by which the ardour of kindnefs will be abated, without criminal bafenefs or con:., jptible in- * ^ conii^ncy r ,ob THE IDLER- N^aj. conftancy on either part. To give plcafure is not always in our power; and little docs he know himfelf, who believes that he can be al- ways able to receive it. ^ , . J Thofe who would gladly pafs their days together may be feparated by tlie different courfc of their affairs : and Friendlhip, like Love, is defliroyea by long abfence, though it may be encreafed by Ihort ^ntermifTions. What we have mifTed long enough to want it, we value more when it ^s regained ; hut that which has been loft till it is forgotten, will be found at laft with Uttle gladnefs, and with ilill Icfs if- a fub- ftitute has fupplied the place. A man deprived of the companion to whom he ufed to open his bofom, and with whom he fhared the hours of leifurc and merriment, feels the day at firft hang- ing hfeavy on him .; Us difficulties opprefs, and his doubts diftraa him ; he fees time come and eo without his wonted gratification, and al « fadnefs within and folitude about him. But thii vneafmefs never lafts 'long; necefTity produces expedients, new amufements are dilcovered, and new converfation is admitted. No expeaation is more frequently difap- pointed, than that which naturally arifes in the inind, from the profpcd of meeting an old Friend after loi^g feparation. We expcft the attraftion to be revived, and the coalition to be renewed ; no maaconfiders how much alteration ^ - time N'^ as, THE IDLER; rot time has made in himfelf, and very few enquire what efFe£t it has had upon others. The iirft hour convinces them, that the pleafure, which they have formerly enjoyed, is for ever at aa end ; different fcenes have made different irti" prellions ; the opinions of both are changed j; and that fimilitude of manners and fentimeiit is lofl, which confirmed tliem. both in the appro* bation of thcrafelves. Friendfhip is often deflroyed by oppofition of iiiterefl, not only by the ponderous and vifible iatereft which the defire of wealth and greatnefs .forms and maintains, but by a thoufand fecret and iliglu competitions ^ fcarcely Icnown to the mind upon which they operate. There is fcarcanche and of Locke^ what that fomething can be, which excites and continues Tlwught in Maiden Aunts with fmall fortunes ; in younger Brothers tliat live upon. Annuities ; irk N^24. THE IDLER. 105 in Traders retired from their Buiinefs ; in Sol- diers abfent from their Regiments ; or in. Widows that have no Children ? . Life is commonly coniidered as either aftiv^ or contemplative ; but furely this diviiion, how long foever it has been received^ is inadequate and fallacious. There are mortals whofe life is certainly not aftive, for they do neither good nor evil; and whofe life cannot be properly called contemplative, for they never attend either to- the condu£|^^ of men, or the works of Nature,- but rife in the morningi look round them tilL night in carelefs ftupidity, go to bed and fleep, . and rife again in the morning. . It has been lately a. celebrated qveftion in the fchools of philofophy, Whethtr the Soul alwayt thinks P Some have defined the Soul to be the power of thinking ; concluded that its eflence con* lifts in a£t; that if it (hould ceafe tOfa£t, it would ceafe to be ; and that ceflation of Thought, is but another name for extinction) of mind* This argument is fubtle, but not conclufive ; becaufe it fuppofes what cannot be proved, that tiie nature of mind is properly defined^ Others afFe£t to difdain fubtilty, when^fubtiky will not ferve their purpofsj and appeal, to daily expe- rience. We fpend. many hours, they fay, ia% fleep, without' tbr leaft remembrance of any llioughts whiclv then paflcd in our minds ; and; iince we can only by our own confcioufnefs be. F 5 fttrr- mt 106 THE IDLER. N^'a^* furc that we think, why fhould we imagine that we have had thought of which no confcioufncfs remains? This argument, which appeals to experi- ence, may from experience be confuted. We every day do Something which we forget when it is done, and know to have been done only by confcquence. The waking hours arc not denied to have been paffed in Thought ; yet he that (hall endeavour to recolle£t on one day the ideas of the former, will only turn the eye of refleaion upon vacancy ; he will find, that the greater part is irrevocably vanifhed, and wonder how the moments could come and go, and leave fo little behiiTd them. To difcover only that the arguments on both fides are defeaive, and to throw back the tenet into its former uncertainty, is the fport of wan- ton or malevolent Scepticifm, delighting to fee the fons of Philofophy at work upon a tafk which never can be finifticd, at variance on a queflion that can never be decided. 1 (hall fug- geft an argument hitherto overlooked, which may perhaps determine the controverfy. ' If it be impoflible to think without materials, rth^re muft neceflTarily be minds that do not al- 'ways think ; and whence (hall we hirni(h mate- rials for the meditation of the Glutton between his Meals, of the Sportfman in a rainy Month, of the Annuitant between the days of quarterly 'v poor were taught to read and write.. Our fcUool was now dilTolved ; my miftrefs^ killed me when we parted, and told me, that, being old and helplefs, fhe could not affift mci, adviied' ir4 THE IDLER. N« aS. advifed me to feek. a fervicej and charged me not to Forget what 1 had learned. My reputation for Icliolarlhip, which had hitherto recommended me to favour, was, by the adherents to the new opinion, confidered aj a crime ; and, when 1 offered myfelf to any mif* tref^, I had no other anfwer than, Sure, chiU^. youimuld not work ; ]nrd iiork Is not fit for a pert' woman; a fcrubbing^hrujh W^uld fp'.U your hand^ child! : I could not live at home ; and while I was confidering to what I fhould betake me, one of the girls, who had gone from our fchool to Lon^ don^ came down in a filk gown, and told her ac- quaintance how well (lie lived, what fine things ihe faw, and what great wages fhe received.- I jrefolyed to try my fortune, and took my pafTagf in the next week's waggon to London, I had no fnares laid for me at my arrival, but came fafc to ji fifler of my miiirefs, who undertook to get me ^ place. She kn?w only the families of mean Tradefmen; and I, having no high opinion of my own qualifications, was willing to accept the firft offer. My lirft Miftrefs wa& wife of a working Watchmaker, who earned, more than was fuffi- eient to keep his family in decency and plenty; but it was their conflant practice to hire a. chailc on Sunday ^ and fpend half the wages of the week oa BAi,hmond Hill ;. of MQnday he conir I N^26. THE IDLER. n^ monly lay half in bed, and fpent the other half in merriment ; Tucjday and ^ydnefday con fumed the reft of his money ; and three days every week were pafted in extremity of want by us who were left at home, while my Mailer lived on truft at an alehoufe. You may be fure, that of the IbfFercrs the maid fufFcred the moft ; and V left them, after three months, rather than be llarved. I was then maid to a Hatter's wife. There- was no want to be dreaded, for they lived in per- petual luxury. My Miftrefs was a diligent wo- man, and rofe early in the morning to fet the journeymen to work ; my Matter was a maa much beloved by his neighbours, and fat at on^e club or other every night. I was obliged to wait on my Mafter at night, and on my Mif- trefs in the morning. He feldom came home before two, and Ihe rofe at five. I could no more live without fleep than without food, and therefore entreated them to look out for anothor fervant. My next removal was to a Linen-draper's, who had fix children. My Miftrefs, when I firft ent-ered the houfe, informed me, that I muft never contradiA the children, nor fufter them to cry. 1 had no defirc to offend, and readily promifed to do my beft. But when I gave them their bueakfaft, I could not help all - liril:^ ii6 THE IDLER. N* 26;. iirft ; wlien I was playing with one In my lap, I was forced to keep the reft in expedtation. That which was not gratified always refented the injury with a loud outcry, which put my Miftrefs in a fury at me, and procured fugar- plums to the child. I could not keep fix chil- dren quiet, who were bribed to be clamorouf ; and was therefore difmiiTed, as a girl honeft^ but not good-natured. . I then lived with a couple tliat kept a petty iliop of Remnants and Cheap Linen. I was quahfied to make a bill, or keep a book ; and. being therefore often called, at a bufy time, to* ferve the cnftomers, expe£M that I ihould novr be happy, in proportion as I was ufeful. But my Miftrefs appropriated every day part of the profit to fome private ufe^ and, as (he grew: bolder in ber theft, at laft dedu£led fuch fums,, tliat my Mafter began to wonder how he fold fa- much, atid gained fo little.. She pretended; to affift his enquiries, and began very grave- ly, to hope that Bett^ was honejl, and yet thofe Jharf girls were apt to- be light-fingered. You will believe tliat I did not ftay there much longer. The reft of my ftory I will tell you in another letter, and only beg to be informed, in fome ]j8]^er., for whicU^of my places, except perhaps tlie N'2^. THE IDLER. 117 the laft, I was difqualificd, by my fkill la read* 4ng and writing. J anil Sir, Your very humble Servant. Betty Broom* Numb. 27. Saturday, O^oher ZI9 X758. IT has been the endeavour of all thofe whom the world was reverenced for fuperior wif- *dom to perfuade man to be acquainted with him'- felf, to learn his own powers and his own weak^ Tiefs, to obferve by what evils he is moft dan- gerouily befet, and by what temptations moft ^alily overcome. This counfcl has been often given with feri* iOus dignity, and often received with appearance -of convidion ; but, as very few can fearch deep into their own minds without meeting what they wi(h to hide from themfelves, fcarce any mam periifts in cultivating fuch difagreeabic acquain- tance, but draws the veil again between his eyes and his heart, leaves his paffions and appetites as he found them, and advifes others to look, in^ to themfelves. This is the common refult of enquiry even •t^Qong thofe that endeavour to grow wifer or J better. ii8 THi: IDLER* N^ay. tetter, but this endeavour is far enough from frequency ; ihe greater part of the multitudes that fwarm upon the earth have never been difturbed by fuch uneafy curiofity, but deliver themfelves up to bufinefs, or to pleafure, plunge into the current of life, whether placid or tur- bulent, and pafs on from one point of profpe£t to another, attentive rather to any thing than the ftate of their minds ; fatisfied, at an eafy rate, with an opinion, that they are no worfe than others, that every man muft mind his own intereft, or that their pleafures hurt only themfelves, and are therefore no proper fubje£ts ofcenfure. ■ Some, however, there are, whom the intru- sion of fcruples, the recoIle£lion of better no- tions, or the latent rcprehenfion of good exam- ples, will not fuffer to live entirely contented with their own condufl ; thefe are forced to pa- cify the mutiny of reafon with fail promifes, and quiet their thoughts with defigns of calling all their anions to review, and planning a new fcheme for the time to jome. There is nothing which we eftimate {o fal- , lacioufly as the force of our own refolutions, nor any fallacy which we fo unwillingly and tardily deleft. He that has refolved a thoufand times, and a thoufand times dcferted his own purpofe, ytt fuffers no abatement of his confidence, but iliH >J'.^7« T«E IDL-EU, ''f m believes himfclf his own mafter j and able, by innate vigour of foul, to prefs forward to his end, through all the obftruaions that inconvc nicnces or delights can put in his way. That this miftake iliQuld prevail for a time it very natural. When coanaion is prefcnt, and temptation out of iight, we do not eafily con- ceive how any reafonable being can deviate from his traie intercft. WJiat ought to be done whik It yet hangs only .in fpecuiation, k fo plain and certain, that there is no place for doubt; the whole foul yields itfelf to the predominance of truth, and readily determines to do what, when the time of aftion comes, will be at laft omitted. 1 believe moft men may review all the lives that have pafled within their obfcrvation, with- out remembering one efficacious refolution, or being able to tell a fmgle inftance of a courfe of praftice fuddenly changed in confequence of a change of opinion, or an eflablifliment of deter- mmation. Many indeed alter their condurt. and are not at fifty what they were at thirty ; but they commonly varied inperceptibly from them- felves, followed the train of external caufes, and i-ather fuffered reformation than made it. It is not common to charge the difFerence be- tween promife and performance, between pro- teffion and reality, upon defign and ftudied de. ceit ; but the truth is, that riiere is very little hypocrify in the world ; we do not fo often en- deavour El'; . THE IDLER. N°^7. and bought in a ftock, on which, with good management, we might live comfortably ; but now I have given hirti a fliop, 1 am forced to watch him and the fhop too. I will tell you, Mr. Idkry how it is. There is an Alehoufe over the way with a Ninepin Alley, to which he is fare to run when I turn my back, and there i| ' 'i .ii*3 G a Jofes 1^4. THE IDLER. N' aS, jlofes his money, for he plays at ninepins as he docs every thing elfe. While he is at this favour- ite fport, he fets a dirty boy to watch his door and call him to his cuflomers ; but he is fo Jong in coming, and fo rude when he comes, that «ur cuftom falls off every day. ** Thofe who cannot govern thcmfelves, muft fce governed. I have refolved to keep him for the future behind his counter, and let him bounce at his cuftomers if he dares. 1 cannot Ibe above Hairs and below at the fame time, and hav^ therefore taken a girl to look after the Child and drefs the dinner J and, after all, pray yfho is to blame ? «« On a Sunday, it is tr^e, I make him walk abroad, and fometimes cairy the child ; 1 won- der who could Ihould carry it ! But I never take him out till aftj^r church*time, nor would do it then, but that, if he is left alone, he will be upon the bed. On a Sunday, if he flays at home, he has (ix meals, and, when he can eat no longer, has twenty ftratagems to efcape from me to the Alehoufe ; but I commonly keep the door locked, till Monday produces fomething for him to do. ** This is the true ftate of the cafe ; and thefe are the provocations for which he has written his letter to fhew, that, if a Wife muft fpend her whole time in watching her Hufband, (he 1 caunot , ^■»-. .. »i . uikJ k N^irS. THE IDLER, i2j cannot conveniently tend her child, or fit at her needle. *«Iam, Sir, &c.'*. ** npHERE ism this town a fpecles ofop- Jl preffion which the law has not hitherto prevented or redrefled. *' I am a Chairman, You know, Sir, we come when we are called, and arc cxpe£ted to carry all who require our afTift'ance. It is com- mon for men of the moft unwieldy corpulence to crowd themfelves into a chair, and demand to be carried for a fliillingas far as an airy young Lady whom we fcarcely feel upon our poles. Surely we ought to be paid like all other mortals in proportion to our labour. Engines fhould be fixed in proper places to weigh chairs as they weigh waggons ; and thofe whom eafe and plenty have made unable to carry themfelves, fhould give part of their fuperfloities to thole who cairy them.. ** I am. Sir, 6cc." G3 >i;, NoMB. %2(S THE IDLER, N* 29. I Numb. 29. Saturday, iV^i/tf/w^^r 4, 1755. **^ T HAVE often obfervcd,. that friends are X. loii by difcontinuance of intercourfe with- out any offence on either part, and have long known, that it is more dangerous to be forgot- ten than to be blamed ; I therefore make hafle to fend you- the reft of my ftory, left, by the delay of anothei: fortnight, the name of 5«//y Broom might be no longer remembered by you ©r your readers, *' Having left the laft place in hafte, to avoid the charge or the fufpicion of theft, i had not fccured another fervicc, and was forced to take 9 lodging in a back ftreet^ I had now j^ot good cloaths. The woman who lived in the garret oppofite to mine was very officious, and offered ^o take care of my room and clean it, while I went; round to my acquaintance to enc|uire for 9 Miftrefs. J knew not why fhe was fo kind, nor how I could recompenfe her; but in a few days I miffed foipe of my linen, went to ana- th.r lodging, and refolved not to have another friend in the next garret. ** In fix weeks 1 becaiiie Under-maid at the houfe of a Mercer in Comhill^ whofe fon was his apprentice. The young Gentleman ufed to fit late at the tavern, without the knowledge of J^is father ; and I was ordered by my miftrefs to let N^ag* THE IDLER. t%f let him ia filently to his bed under the counter, and to be very careful to take away his candle. The hours which I was obliged to watch, whilft the reft of the family was in bed, 1 confideied as fuperuumerary, and, having no bulinefs alligned for them, thought myfelf at Uberty to fpend them my own way : i kept myfelf awake with a book, and for fome time liked my ftate the better for this opportunity of reading. At lalt, the Upper- ma id found my book, and Ihewed it to my Miftrcfs, who told me, that wenches like me might fpend tiieir time better; that flie never knew any of the readers that had ^ood defigns in their heads; that fhe could always find fpmething eife to do with her time, than to puzzle over books ; and did not like that fiich a fine Lady fhould lit up for her young Mafter. •* This was the firft time that I fouiid it thought criminal or dangerous to know how to read. I was difmiffed decently, left I fhould tell tales, and had a fmall gratuity above my wages. *' I then lived with a Gentlewoman of a fmall fortune. This was the only happy part of my life. My Miftrefs, for whom pubhck dlverfi- ons w^erc too expenfive, fpent her time with, books, and was pleafed to find a maid who could partake her amufements. I rofe early in the morning,, that I might have time in the af- G 4 ternoai^; 1^ »2« THE IDLER. N« 29s ternoon to read or liften,. and was fufFered t6 tell my opinion, or exprefs my delight. Thus, fifteen months Hole away, in which I did not lepine that I was born to fervitude. But a burning fever feized my Millrefs, of whom I fhall fay no more, than that her fervant wept "Upon her grave* ** I had lived in a kind of htxt vhlcti made me very unfit for another place j and was rather too delicate for the converfation of a kitchen ; fo that when I was hrred m the family of an Eaft India Director, my behaviour was fo different, as they faid, from that of a com- jnon fervan^, that they concluded me a Gentle* woman in dilguife, and turned me out in three weeks, on fufpicion of fome defign which they could not comr«rehend, " I then fled for refuge to the other end of the town, where I hoped to find no obftru6lioQ from my new accomplifliments, and was hired under the houfe- keeper in a fplendid family. Here I was too wife for the maids, and too nice for the footmen ; yet I might have lived on without much uneafinefs, had not my Mif- trefs, the Houfekeeper, who ufed to employ me in buying neceffaries for the family, found a bill which I had made of one day's expences. I fuppofe it did not quite agree with her own book, for Ihe fiercely declared her refolution, that N* THE IDLER. that there fhould be no pen and ink in that kitchen but her own. ** She had the juftice, or the prudence, not to injure my reputation ; and I was eafily admitted into another houfe in the neighbourhood, where my bufinefs was to fweep the rooms and make the beds. Here I was, for fome time, the fa- vourite of Mrs. Simper, my Lady's woman, who could not bear the vulgar girls, and was happy in the attendance of a young woman of fome education* Mrs. Simper loved a novel, though ihe could not read hard words, and therefore, when her Lady was abroad, we always laid hold on her books. At laft, my abilities became fo much celebrated, that the houfe-fteward ufed to employ me in keeping his accounts. Mrs. 5/otv per then found out, that my faucinefs was grown' to fuch a height that nobody could endure it, and told my Lady, that there never had been a room well fwept fince Betty Br^om came into the lioufe. ** I was then Hired by a confumptive Lady, who wanted a maid that could read and write. I attended her four years, and though fhe was never pleafed, yet when I declared my refolution to leave her, Ihe burft into tears, and told me that 1 muft bear the p'levifhnefs of a fick bed, and I fhould find my felf remembered in her will, ^complied, and a codicil was added in my favour; G 5, but t'i 1 Ml . f, 'll m ' i I t .\ 130 THE IDLER. N^ 29. but in lefs than a week, when I fet her gruel before her, I laid the fpoon on the left fide, and Ihe threw her will into the fire. In two days Ihc made another, which Ihe burnt in the fame manner becaufe fhe could not eat her chicken. A third was made, and deftroyed becaufe Ihe heard a moufe within the wainfcot, and was fure that I fliould fuffer her to be carried away alive. After this I was for fome time out of fa- \(f\jr ; but as her illnefs grew upon her, refent- ment and fullennefs gave way to kinder fenti- ments. She died, and left me five hundred pounds ; with this fortune I am going to^ fettle in my native parifh, where I refolve to fpend. fpme hours ©very day in teaching poor girls to fp4 a^id write. «^Iam, Sir, ** Your humble feryant, *• Betty. Brqqm/'^ Numb*. N^30' THE IDLER. I3r Numb. 30. Satukday, Novmherii, 175^. THE defires of man encreafe with his acqui- Utioiis ; every ftep which he advances brings fomething within his view, which he did not fee before, and which, as foon as he fees it, he begins to want. Where neceflity ends, cu- riofity begins ; and no fooner are we fupplied with every thing that nature can demand, than we fit down to contrive artificial appetites. By this reftlefTnefs of mind, every populous and weaUhy city is filled with innumerable em- ployments j for which the greater part of man- kind is without a name ; with artificers, whofe labour i& exerted in producing foch petty con- veniences, that many Ihops are furnifhed with inftruments, of which the ufe can hardly be- found without enquiry, but which he that once knows them quickly learns to number amcu^, necelTary things. . . _ Such is the diligence witji w^iich, in coun- tries completely civilized, one part of mankind, labours for another, that wants are fupplied (af- ter than they can be formed, and tlie idle and luxurious find life fiacnate fir>r;wan| of fonie de»- fire to keep it in motions This fpecies of cliftrefs furniflies a new fet of osciipations ; :xnii multi- tudes are bufied, from day to day, in finding the jich ail d.the fortunate fomething to do*. G6 Iti 1*1 131 THE IDLER. N** 30. It is very common to reproach thofe artifts as ufelefs, who produce only fuch fuperfluities. as neither accommodate the body nor improve the mind ; and of which no other eiFeft can be ima- gined, than that they are the occadons of fpend- ing money, and confuming time. But this cenfure will be mitigated, when it is ferioufly confidered, that money and time are the heavieft burthens of life, and that the un* happieft of all mortals are thofe who have more of either than they know how to ufe. To fet himfelf free from thefe incumbrances, one hur- ries to New Market ; another travels over Europe ; one pulls down his houfe, and calls archite£ts about him ; another buys a feat in the country, and follows his hounds over hedges and through rivers ; one makes colleAions of (hells ; and another fearches tlie world for tulips and car- nations. He is furely a public benefaftor who finds employment for thofe to whom it is thus diffi- cult to find it for themfelves. It is true that this is feldom done merely from generofity or compaffion ; almoft every man feeks his own advantage in helping others, and therefore it is too common for mercenary officioufnefs to confider rather what is grateful, than what is right. We K°30. THE IDLEIV >3$ We all know that it is more profitable to be loved than efteemed ; and niinifters of pleafure will always be found, who ftudy to make themr felves necedary, and to fupplant thofe who arc pradtifing the fame arts. One of the amufements of idlencfs iis rcading^ without the fatigue of clofe attention ; and the world therefore fwarms with writers whofc wi(h is not to be ftudied, but to be read. No fpecies of literary men has lately been fo much multiplied as the writers of news. Not many years ago the nation was content with one Gazette; but now we have not only in the metropolis papers for every morning and every evening, but almoft every large town has its weekly hiftorian, who regu4arly circulates his periodical intelligence, and fills the villages of his diftri£l with conjectures on the events of war, and with debates on the true intereft of Europe* 1 To write news in its perfe£lion requires fuch a combination of qualities, that a man completely fitted for the taik is not always to be found. In Sir Henry IVotton^s jocular definition, jin Am-* ' hajfador is faid to be a man of virtue fent abroad to tell lies for the advantage of his country; a News- writer is a man without virtue, who writes lies at home fcr his own profit. To thefc compofitions is required neither genius nor knowledge, neither induftry m •fl t34 STHC IDLER. N» 30. indudry nor fprij^htlinefs j hut contempi of fliame and indiflTerencc to truth are abfolutcfy neccflary. He who by a long familiarity with infamy has obtained thcfe qualities, may confi- dently tell to-day what he intends to contra- di£t to-morrow ; he may affirm fcarieflly what he knows that he Ihall be obliged to recant, and may write letters from Jmjierdom or Drefdm to himfelf. ' In a time of war the nation is always of one mind, eager to hear fomething good of them- fclves and ill of the enemy. At this time the talk of Nevys-writcrs is cafy : they have nothing,. to do but to tell, that a battle is expe»5ted, and afterwards that a battle has been fought, in "which we and our friends, whether conquer- ing or conquered, did all, and our enemies did nothing. Scarce any thing awakes attention like a tale of ciuelty. The Writer of news never fails in the intermiflion of ad^ion to tell how the enemies murdered. children and ravifhcd virgins ; .and, if the fcene of aftion be fomewhat diftant, fcalps lialf the inhabitants of a province. Among the calamities ofWar may be juftly^ numbered the diminution of the love of truth, by the faifhoods which interefl did^ates and cre- dulity enccuragesi^- A Peace will equally leave the Warrior- and Relator of Wars deftitute of employment i and I;.know not whetlier more is to- N'30. THE IDLER. 135; to be dreaded from ilrcets filled with Soldiers ac- cuftomed to plunder, or from. garrets filled witlv Scribblers accuflomed to lie. Numb. 31. Saturday, November 18, 1758. MANY moral ifts have remarked, that Pride has of all human vices the widcft domi- nion, appears in the greateft multiplicity of forms, and Hes hid under the gteatcft variety of difguifes, of difguifes, which, like the moon's veil of brlghtnefs^ are both its lujlre and iu Jhade^, and betray it to others, though they hide it from ourfelves. It is not my intention to degrade Pride from; this pre-eminence of niifchief ; yet I know not whether Idlenefs may not maintain a very doubt- ful and obftinate competition. here are fome that profefs Idlenefs in its full, dignity, who call themfelves the Idle, as Bufirit in the ^^Xyf calls himfelf the Fraud ; who boaft that they do nothing,, and thank their liars that they have nothing to do ; who fleep every night till they can .fleep no longer, and rife only that excrcife may enable them to fleep again ; who prolong the reign of dafknefs by double curtains, . atid never fee the fun bat to tell him how they hate kk A^/wii,whofe, whole labour is to. vary the- Ppfture&4 136 T HE. I D L E.R. N<^ ^.. poftures of indulgence, and whofe day differs from their night but as a couch or chair differs from a bed. « Thsfe are the true and open votaries of Idle- nefs, for whom flie weaves the garlands of pop- pies, and into whofe cup fhe pours- the waters of oblivion ; who exift in a ftate of unruffled ftupi- dixy, forgetting and forgotten ; who have Jong ceafed to Jive, and at whofe death the furvivors can only fay, that they have ceafed to breathe- But IdJenefs predominates in many lives where rt is notfufpeaed; for, being a vice which tcN minates in itfelf, it may be enjoyed without in- jury to others ; and is therefore not watched like Fraud, which endangers property ; or like Pride, which naturally feeks its gratifications in ano- ther's inferiority. Idlenefs is a filent and peace*. ftil quality, that neither raifes envy by oftenta- tion, nor hatred by oppofitioii j and therefore Bobody. is bufy to cenfure or dete^ it. As Pride fometimes is hid under humilitys Idlenefs' is often covered by turbul mce and hurry. He that neglefts his known duty and real employment, naturally endeavours to crowd his mind with fomething that may bar out the remembrance of his own folly, and does any thing but what he ought to do with eager dili^ gcnce, that he may keep himfelf in his own fa,* vour. ^me lay differs lair dificrs 5 of Idle- Is of pop- waters of led ftupi- ave Jong furvivors treathe. ves where hich tci*- thout in- ched like ke Pride, in ano- id peace** oftenta- thcrefore umilitys tee and uty and o crowd out the oes any er dilii 3wn fa* Some N'-sT,' THE IDLER. r^^ Some arc always in a ftate of preparation, oc- cupied in previous raeafures, forming plans, acw cumulating materials, and providing for the main affair. Tbefe are certainly under the fe- cret power of Idlcnefs. Nothing is to be ex- pe«5led from the workman whofe tools are for ever to be fought, 1 was once told by a great mafter, that no man ever excelled in painting, who was eminently curious about pencils and. colours. There are others to whom Idlenefs ditoes another expedknt, by which life- may be pafled. nn profitably away without tlie tedioufnefs of many vacant hours. The art is, to fill the day with petty bufinefs, to have always fomething in hand which may raife curiofity, but not folici* tude, and keep the mind in a ftate of action, but not of labour. This art has for many years been pra£lifed by my old friend Sohsr with wonderful fuccefs. So^ ber is h man of ftrong defires and quick imagi*- nation, fo exa£tly balanced by the love of eafe, that they can feWom ftimulate him to anv dif- ficult undertaking ; they have, however, fo much power, that they will not fuffer him to lie quite at reft, and though they do not make him fuffi- cienily ufeful to ot^.ers, they make him at leaft weary of himfelf.^ MfI THE IDLER. N^ Mr. Saber's chief pleafure is converfation ; 4here is no end of his talk or his attention ; to fpeak or to hear is equally pieallng •, for he llill •fancies that he is teaching or learning fome?- thing, and is free for the time from his own rC'* proaches. But there is one time at night when he muft ,go home, that his friends may flieep ; and ano- ther time in the morning, when ail the world agrees to fhut out interruption. Thcfe are the aioments of which poor Sober trembles at the thougl^t. But the mifery of thefe tirefomc in- tervals, he has many means of alleviating. He -Jias pqrfuadrQceeded the tools his coal- iliU con- : crafts of and Pot* I refolves infonna- hemiftry. ploys in. be folate , and ef- be of no ufe ; N«3i. .*rHE IDLER. 13^ ufe ; fits andcounts the drops as they come from his retort, and forgets that, whilft a drop is fall- ing, a moment flies away. Poor Sshr / 1 have often tcazed hitn with re* proof, and he has often promifed reformation ; for no man isfo much open to conviftion as the JMer^ but there is none on whom it operates fo little. What will be the effect 0/ this paper I know not ; perhaps he will read it and laugh, and light the tire in his furnace; but my hope is, that he will quit his trifles, and betake hira^ felf to rational and ufeful diligence. Numb. 32. Saturday, Newmk^r 25, 1755. AMONG the innumerable mortifications that way^lay human arrogance on every fide, m»y weU be reckoned our ignorance of tlie raoft comn^on objefts and effects, a defed of which we become more fenfible by every attempt to fupply it. Vulgar and ina£live minds con^ found fanviUarity with knowledge, and conceive themfelves informed of the whole nature of things when they are fhcwn their form or told their ufe ; but the Speculatift, who is not con- tent with fuperficial views, harrafles himfelf with fruitlefs curiofity, and flill. as he enquires more, perceives only that he knows^Jefs. Sieep^ 1)1" if* V, t^f THE IDLER. N< Sleep is a ftate in which a great part of every life is paired. No animal has been yet dif^ covered, whofe exiftenee is not varied with interr vals of infenfibility; and fome late Phi lofopher* have extended the empire of Sleep over the ve<- getable world. Yet of this- change, fo frequent^ (6 great, fo general, and fo necelTary, no ferrcher has yet found either the efficient or final caufe ; or can tell by what power the mind and body are thus chained down in irrefiftible flupefaftion ; oy what benefits the animal receives from this al** ternate fufpenfion of its adive powers. Wlratevcr may be the multiplicity or contra*- riety of opinions upon this fubjeft, Nature has taken fufficient care that Theory Ihall have little influence on Praff^ice. The moft diligent cn^ ^uirer is not able long to* keep his eyes op^n ; the moft eager difputant will begin about mid- night to defert his argument ; and, once in four and twenty hours,, the gay and- tlw gloomy, the witty and the dull, the clamorous and the filent, the bufy and the idle, are all overpowered by the gentle tyrant, and all lie down in the equality of Sleep. PhiJofophy has often attempted to- reprcfs m>- fblence, by aflerting, that all conditions arc levelled by Death ; a pofition which, however it may dejeft the happy, will feldom afford .muck comfort tQ the wretched.. It is far mor* w THE IDLER. pleafing to confider, that Sleep is equally a level- ler with Death ; that the time is never at a great diftance, when the balm of reft fhall be efFufed Slike upon every head, when the diverfities of iife fhall ftop their operation, and the high and the low fhall lie down together. . It is fomewhere recorded of AleecanJer, that in the pride of conqueft, and intoxication of flat- tery, he declared that he only perceived himfelf to be a man by the neceffity of Sleep. Whether he confidered Sleep as necerary to his mind or body, k was andeed a fufficient evidence of hu- man infirmity ; the body which required fuch frequency of renovation gave but faint promifes of immortality ; and the mind which, from time to time, funk gladly into infenfibility, had made |io very near approaches to the felicity of the fupreme and felf-fufli.cient Nature-. I know not what can tend more to reprefs all tke paffions that difturb fche peace of the world, than the coniideration that there is no height of happinefs or honour, from which man does not eagerly defcend to a ftate of unconfcious re- pofe; that the beft condition of life is fuch, that we contentedly quit its good to be difentangled from its evils ; that in a few hours fplendor fades before the eye, and praife itfelf deadens in the car; the fenfes withdraw from their objefts, and wafon favovurs the retreat. What n if ii li t4i THE IDLER. N« 3*. What tlien are the hopes and profpcfts of covetoufncfs, ambition, and rapacity? Let him that defires moft haye all his defires gratified, he never ihall attain a ftate, which he can, for a day and a night, contemplate with fatisfadlion, or from which, if he had the power of perpetual vigilance, he would not long for periodical fe- parations< All envy would be extinguifhed, if it wer« univerfally known that there are none to be en- vied, and furely none can be much envied who are not pleafed with themfelves. There is reafon to fufpe£t, that the diftin£tions of mankind have more Ihew than value, when it is found that all agree to be weary alike of plcafures and of cares ; that the powerful and .the weak, the celebrated and obfcurc, join in one common wilh, and implore from Nature's hand the ne£tar of obli-^ vion. Such is our defire of abflraftion from our- felvcs, that very few arc fatisfied with the quan- tity of ftupefaftion which the nfeeds of the body force upon the mind. Mexander himfelf added intemperance to fleep, and folaced with the fumes of wine the fovereignty of the world ; and almoft every man has fome art, by which heftcals his thoughts away from his prefent ftate. It is not much of life that is fpent in clofe at- tention to any important duty. Many hours of every day are fuifered to fly away without any N'^sa- THE IDLER. ,4^ traces left upon the intelleas. We fufFer phan- tortis to rife up before us, and araufe ourfeives with the dance of airy images, which, after a time, we difniifs for ever, and know not hovrt wc have been bufied. * Many have no happier moments than thofe that they pafs in folitude, abandoned to their own imagination, which fometimes puts fceptres in their hands or mitres on their heads, fhifts thefcene of pleafure with endlefs variety, bids all the forms of beauty fparkle before therti, and gluts them with every change of vifionary luxury. It is eafy in thefe femi-flumbers to colleft all the poflibilities of happinefs, to alter the courfe of the Sun, to bring back the paft, and anticipate the future, to unite all the beauties of all feafons, and all the bleffings of all climates, to receive and beftow felicity, and forget that mifery is the lot of man. All this is a voluntary dream, a tem- porary receflion from the realities of life to airy fictions ; and habitual fubje£lion of reafon to fancy. Others are afraid to be alone, and amufe them- felves by a perpetual fuccefTion of companions : but the diiFerence is not great j in folitude we have our dreams to ourfeives, and in company we agree to dream in concert. The end fought in both is forgetfulnefs of ourfeives. Numb. i 1 i «44 THE IDLER. N^33. Numb. 33. Saturday, Decmher 2^ 1758. [I hope the Author of the following letter will cxcufe the amiffion of fome parts, and allow me to remark, that the Journal of the Citizen in the Spe^ator has almoft precluded the at- tempt of any future Writer.] .-. — flea it a Romvli Fr^fcriptumt & iatottji Catonh Aujpiciis, veterumque norma. Hot. Sir, YO U have often folicited Correfpondence. I have fent you the Journal of a Senior Fellow, or Genuine Idler, juft tranfmitted from Cambridge by a facetious Correfpondent, and warranted to have been tranfcribed from the Common-place book of the Jourr\alift. Monday, Nine o'clock. Turned off my Bed- mak€r for waking me at eight. Weather rainy. Confulted my weather glafs. No hopes of a ride before dinner. ^ ., . . ir Ditto, Ten. After breakfaft, tranfcribed half a Sermon from Dr. Hickman. N. B. Never to tranfcribe any more from Coiamy ; Mrs. Ptlcocks^ at my Curacy, having one volume of that author lying in her parlour-window. N^33» THE IDLER. 145 Ditt&f Eleven, Went down into my cellar. lidem. My Mountain w'll be fit to drink in a month's time. N, B, To remove the five- year-old Port into the new bin on the left hand. Ditto, Twelve, Mended a pen. Looked at my weather-glafs again. Qpickfilver very low. Shaved. Barber^s hand fhakes. Ditto, One, Dined alone in my room on a foal. N. B, The Ihrimp-fauce not fo good as Mr. H, oiPeterhouft and I ufed to eat in London hft winter at the Mitre in Fleet-ftreet, Sat down to a pint of Madeira. Mr. H, furprized me over it. We finilhed two bottles of Port to- gether, and were very chearful. Alem, To dine with Mr. H, at Peterhoufe next Wednefday^ One of the diflies a leg of pork and peafe, by my defire. Ditto^ Six, News-paper in tlie commoa- toom. Ditto, Seven, Returned to my room. Made a tiff of warm punch, and to bed before nine; did not fall afleep till ten, a young Fellow- commoner being very noify over my head. Tuefday, Nine, Rofe fqeamifli. A fine morning. Weather-glafs very high. Ditto, Tun, Ordered my horfe, and rode to the 'five-mile flone on the New Market road. Appetite gets better. A pack of hounds, in full" cry, croffed the road, and llartled my horfc. Vol. L H Ditto. iplation and enquiry, that it has always many objedls wichinits view, willfeldom be long without fome near and familiar imagb through which an cafy tranfition may be made to truths more dillant and obfcure. Of the parallels which have been drawn by Wit and Curiofity, fome are literal and reaJ, as between Poetry and Painting, two arts which purfuc the fame end, by the operation of the fame mental faculties, and which differ only as the one reprefents things by marks permanent and natural, tlie other by figns accidental and ar- bitrary. The one therefore is more eafily and generally underftood, fince limilitudeof form is _-_. ._. . _ . — - ^ -.^^^j i.xAV- v?*-tiv- iw vft|_^eat-rtx/ \J i. conveying N THE IDLER. 34. THE lUl^lLK. 151 conveying more ideas, for men have thought and fpoken of many things which they do not fee. Other parallels are fortuitous and fanciful, yet thefe have fometimes been extended to many particulars of referablance by a lucky concurrence of diligence and chance. The animal body is compofed of many members, united under the dire£lion of one mind; any number of indivi- duals, connected for fome common purpofe, is therefore called a body. From this participa- tion of the fame appellation arofe the comparifou of the ^d>^ natural and ^5^ politick, of which, how far foever it has been deduced, no end has hitherto been found. In thefe imaginary fmiilitudes, the fame word is ufed at once in its primitive and metaphorical fcnfe. Thus health, afcribed to the body na- tural, is oppofed to ficknefs ; but attributed to the body politick ftands as contrary to adveriity. Thefe parallels therefore have more of genius, but lefs of truth ; they often plcafc, hut they never convince. Of thi:- kind is a curious fpeculation frequent- ly indulged by a Philofopherofmy acquaintance, who had difcovered, that the qualities requiiite to convcrfkion arc very exactly reprefented by a howl of punch. Punch, fays this profound inveftigator, is a liouor compounded of fpirit and acid juices. r H fugar ilili I 111 iSZ .. THE IDLER, '^" ^ fugar and water. The fpirit, volatile and fiery, is the proper emblem of vivacity and wit ; the acidity of the lemon will very aptly figure pun- gency of raillery, and acrimony of cenfure; fu- gar is the natural reprefentative of lufcious adu- lation and gentle complaiiance ; and water is the proper hieroglyphick of cafy prattle, innocent and taftelefs. Spirit alone is too powerful for ufe. It will produce madnefs rather than merriment ; and, inftead of quenching thirft, will inflame the blood. Thus wit, too copioufly poured out, , agitates the hearer with emotions rather violent than pleafmg ; every one (li rinks from the force of its opprellion; the company fits intrancedand „ overpowered ; all are aftonifhed, but nobody is pleafed. The acid juices give this genial liquor all its power of ftimulating the palate. Converfatioii would become dull and vapid, if negligence were not fometimes roufed, and fluggifhnefs quick- ened, by due feverity of reprehenfion. But acids unmixt will diftort the face, and tor- ture the palate ; and he that has no other quali- ties than penetration and afperity, he whofe con- flant employment is detection and cenfure, who looks only to find faults, and fpeaks only to , punifti them, will foon be dreaded, hated, and avoided. The N° 3'4. THE IDLER. >5J The tafte of fugar is generally pleafmg, but it cannot long be eaten by itfelf. Thus meeknefe and courtely will always recommend the firft ad- drefs, but foon pall andnaufeate, unlefs they arc aflbciated with more fprightly qualities. Tlie chief ufe of fugar is to temper the tafte of other fubftances ; andfoftnefs of behaviour in the fame manner mitigates the roughnefs of contradic- tion, and allays the bitteniefs. of unwelcome truth. Water is the univerfal vehicle by which are conveyed the particles n^ceflary to fuftenance and growth, by which thirft is quenched, and all the wants of life and nature are fupplied. Thus all the bufinefs of the world is tranfaaed by artlefs and eafy talk, neither fublimed by fancy, nor difcoloured by afFe£?ation, without tithcrtheharfhnefs of fatire, or the lufcioufnefs of flattery. By this limpid vein of language Guriofity is gratified, and all the knowledge is conveyed which one man is required to impart for the fafety or convenience of another. Water is the only ingredient of punch, which can be li^fed alone, and with which man is content till fancy has framed an artificial waiit. Thus while we only defire to have our ignorance in- formed, we ai-e moft delighted with the plainefl di£lion ; and it is only in the moments of idle- neis or pride, that we call for the gratificatioiis of wit or flattery.. 154 THE IDLER. N"j4. He only will pleafc long, who, by tempering the acid of fatire with the fugar of civility, and allaying the heat of wit with the frigidity of humble chat, can make the true punch of con* Terfation ; and as that punch can be drunk in the greateft quantity which has the largeft -pro- portion of water, fo that companion will be oftenefl welcome, whofe talk flows out with iii- ojfFenfive copioufncfs, and unenvied iniipidity, I am, &c. ii^M^IE ^<^ <^m\^ ^.^mmX Numb. 35. Saturday, Decemher 16, 1758. To the IDLER; Mr» Idler, IF it be difficult to perfuade the Idle to be bufy, it is likewife, as experience has taught me, not eafy to convince the bufy that it is bet- ter to be idle. VVhcn you fhall defpair of fti- mulating fluggiflinefs to motion, I hope you will turn your thouGjhts towards the means of {lining the buflle of pernicious aftivity. I am the unfortunate hufband of a Buyer of Bargains, My wife has fomewhere heard, that a good houfewife never has any thing to purchafe whm It is wanud. This maxim is often in her mouthy N»35- T^^ IDLER. 155 mouth, and always in her head. She rs not one of thofe philofophical talkers that fpeculate without pra6tice, and learn fcntcnces of wifdom only to repeat them ; fhe is always making ad- ditions to her ftores ; fhe never looks into 3 Broker's fhop, but fhe fpiss fomething that may be wanted fome time ; and it is impoflible to make her pafs the door of a houfc where fhe hears Go'ids felling hy AuSI'ton, Whatever fhe thmks cheap, fhe holds it the duty of an occonomift to buy ; in confequencc of this maxim, we are incumbered on every fide with ufelefs lumber. The fervants can fcarcely creep to their beds through the chefts and boxes that furround them. The Carpenter is em- ployed once a week in building clofets, fixing^ cupboards, and fallening fhelves, and my houffe has the appearance of a fhip flored for a voyage to the Colonies. 1 had often obferved that advertifements fet her on fire ; and therefore, pretending to emu- late her laudable frugality, I forbade the news- paper to be taken any longer ; but my precau- tion is vain ; I know not by what fatality, or by what confederacy, every catalogue of Gmmm: FurrMure comes to her hand, every advertife- ment of a Warehoufe newly opened is in her pocket-book, and (lie knows before any of her neighbours when the ilock of any man laving sff trade is to hojold tkenp for ready monc), tl 6 Suda It •ii 'IS6 THE IDLER. N*3^. Such intelligence is to my Dear -one the Sy- ren*s fong. No engagement, no duty, no iu- tereft, can with-hold her from a Sale, from which fhe always returns congratulating herfelf upon her dexterity at a Bargain ; the Porter lays down his burthen in the hall, fhe difplays her new acquifitions, and fpends the reft of the day in contriving where" they (hall be put. As fhe cannot bear to have any thing incom- plete, one purchafe neceffitates another ; fhe has twenty feather-beds more than fhe can ufe, and a late fale has fupplled her with a proportionable number oi IVhitney blankets, a large roll of linen for fheets, and five quUt>i for every bed, which Ihe bought becaufe the feller told her, that if fhe would clear his hands he would let her have a Bargain. Thus by hourly encroachments my habitation is made narrower and narrower ; the dining- room is fo crowded with tables, that dinner fcarcely can be ferved ; the parlour is decorated with fo many piles of chma, that 1 dare not ftep within the door; at every turn of the ftairs I have a clock ; and half the windows of the up- per floors are darkened, that fhelves inay be fet before them. This, however, might be borne, if flie would gratify her own inclinations without oppofing mine. But I who am idle am luxurious, and Ihe condemns me to live upon fait provifion. ' She N' 55. T H E I D L E R. 15.7 She knows the lofs of buying in fmall quantities ; wc have therefore whole hogs and quarters of oxen. Part of our meat is tainted before it is eaten, and part is thrown away becaufe it is fpoiled ; but (he pcriifts in her fyllem, and will never buy any thing by fingle pennyworths.. The common vice of thofe who are ilill grafping at more, is to negle£l that which they aheady poflTefs ; but from this failing my Char- mer is free. It is the great care of her life that the pieces of beef fhould be boiled in the order in which they are bought; that the fecond bag of peafe fhould not be opened till the firft are eaten ; that every feather-bed fl^all be lain on in its turn ; that the carpets fhould be taken out of the chefts once a month and brufhed, and the rolls of linen opened now and then before the fire. She is daily enquiring after the beft traps for mice, and keeps tlie rooms always fcented by fumigations to deftroy the moths. She em- ploys workmen from time to time, to adjuft fix clocks that never go, and clean five jacks that ruft in the garret ; and a woman in the next alley lives by fcouring the brafs and pewter, which are only laid up to tarnifh again. She is always imagining fome diflant tinle in which Ihe Ihall ufe whatever ihe accumulates ; Ihe has four looking-glafles which fhe cannot hang up in her houfe, but which will be hand- fome in more lofty rooms ; and pays rent for the t-f ! is8 TH£ IDLER. N*35. place of avail copper in fome warehoufe, be- caufe when we live in the country welhall brew our own beer. Of this life I have long been weary, but know not how to change it ; all the married men whom I confult advife me to have patience ; but fome old batchelors are of opinion, that fince fhe loves Sales fo well, fhe fliould have a Safe of her own ; and I have, I think, refolved to opea her hoards, and advertife an Auction. I am. Sir, Your very humble Servant, Peter Plenty, Numb. 36. Saturday, December 23, IJS^*- TH E great differences thatdifturb the peace of mankind are not about ends', but means. We have all the fame general defires,. but how thofe defires fliall be accompliflied will for ever be difputed. The ultimate purpofe of government is temporal, and that of religion is eternal happinefs. Hitherto we agree ; but here we muft part, to try, according to the endlefs varieties of paffion and underftanding combined with one another, every poflible form of Go- vernment, and every imaginable tenet of Re- ligion. * ■ We; N's^' THE IDLER. 159 We are told by Cumber Ian d^ that Re^ttude^ applied to a(!tion or contemplation, is merely metaphorical; and that as a right line defcribes the (horteft paflTage from point to point, fo a right a£tion cfFefts a good defign by the feweft means j and fo likewife a right opinion is that which connedts diftant truths by the Ihorteft •train of intermediate propofitions. To find the nearcfl way from truth to truth, or from purpofe to effect, not to ufe more in- ftruments where fewer will be fufEcient, not to move by wheels and levers what will give way to the naked hand, is the great proof of a health- ful and vigorous mind, neither feeble with helplcfs ignorance, nor overburdened with un- wieldy knowledge. But there are men who feem to think nothing fo much the chara£teriftic of a genius, as to do common things in an uncommon manner; like HudibraSf to tell the clock by Algebra ; or like the Lady in Dr. Toung*s Satires, to drink Tea byjlra* iagem : to quit the beaten track only bccaufe it is known, and take a new path, however crooked or rough, becaule the ftrait was found oat before. Every man fpeaks, and writes with intent to be underftodd, and it can feldom liappen but he that underftands himfclf might convey his no- tions to another, if, content to be undcrflood, he did not feek to be admired i but when once ht ►* tea THE IDLER. N^^. he begins to cotrive how his fentiments may' be received, not with moft eafe to his reader, but with moft advantage to hirri'( 'f. he then transfers 1ms confideration from woid'j to founds, from fcntencfcs to periods, ar.d as hs grows more ele- gant becomes lefs intelligible. It is difficult to enumerate every fpecies of Authors whofe labours count ra^V tl.iu'^.es.; the man of exuberance and copioufnefs, who diffufes every thought through fo many diverfi- ties of expreflion, that it is loft like water in a mift ; the ponderous didVatorof fcntences, whofc notions are delivered in the lump, and are, like uncoined bullion, of more weight than ufe ; the 'liberal illuftrator, who fhews by examples and comparifons what was clearly feen when it was firft propofed ; and the ftately fonof demonftra- tion, who proves with mathematical formality what no man has yet pretended to doubt. There is a mode of ftyle for which 1 know not that the Matters of Oratory have yet found a name ; a ftyle by which the moft evident truths are fo obfcured that they can no longer be per- ceived, and the moft familiar propofitions fo difguifed that they cannot be known. Every other kind of eloquence is the drefs of fcnfe ; but this is a mafic by which a true Mader of his art will fo effeftually conceal it, that a man will as cafily niiftake his own politions, if he meets them N°3^. THE IDLER. 16^1 them thus transformed, as he may pafs in a niafqucrudc his ncarcft acquaintance. This llyle may be called the terrifick, for its chief intention is to terrify and amaze ; it may be termed the repuf/tve, for its natural efFea is to drive away thcreader; or it may be diftin- guifhed in plaia En^li/h, by the denomination oixht bugbear Jiyk, for it is more terror than danger, and will appear lefs formidable as it is more nearly approaches . A mother tells her infant, that two and tzw> wake four ; the child remembers the propofition, and is able to count four to all the purpofes of life, till the courfe of his education brings him among philofophers, who fright him from his former knowledge, by telling him, that four is a certain aggregate of units ; that all numbers being only the repetition of an unit, which, though not a number itfeif, is the parent, root, ' or original of all number, four is the denomina- tion affighed to a certain number of fuch repe- tions. The only danger is, left, when he firft hears thefc dreadful founds, the pupil Ihould run away ; if he has but the courage to ftay till the conclufion, he will find that, when fpeculatiou has done its w^orft, tw and two ftill make four. An illuftrious example of this fpecies of elo- quence may be found in Letters corceming Mind. The author begins by declaring, that the forts of things are things that now are^ have bicn^ andjhall I'iM i6a TFE IDLER. be, and the ihims tmt ftri^y arf. In this po- iltion, except the laft claufc, in which he ufcs fomething ot the Icholaflick language, there is nothing but what every man has heard and ima- gines himfelf to know. But who would not beheve that Ibme wonderful novelty is prefented to his intclk-a, when he is afterwards told, in .the true hugbrar ftyle, that /A^ Ares, In ths former foife^ are tl'mgi that lie hnvJfcn the Have-bcens and Shall- bes. The Have-beens are things that are paft ; the Shall-bes are things that are to come ; and the things that are, in the latter fenfe, are things that have not hecn^ nor Jhall be, nor jtand in the fiiidft cf fuch as are he/ore them, or Jha'l he after them, 7he things that have been, and Jhall be, have rtfpetl to pnfent, paft, and future, Jhofe like- u>ife that now are have moreover place ; that, for inftance, xvhich is here, that which is to the Eaft^ that which is to the lVe[t, All this, my dear reader, is very ftrange ; but though it be fudrige, it is not new ; furvey thefe wonderful fcntences again, and they will be found to contain nothing more than very plain truths, which till this Author arofe had always been delivered in plain language. II Numb. N^37' THE IDLER. 163 Numb. 37. Saturday, Decmbo- ^o^ 17^8. THOSE who are fkllled in the extra£lioii and preparation of metals, declare, tliat iron is every where to be found ; and that not only its proper ore is copioufly treafured in the caverns of the. caith, but thut its particles arc difperfed throughout all other bodies. . If the extent of the human view could com- prehend the whole frame of the univerle, i be- lieve it would be found invariably true, that Providence has given that in greateft pi^nty, which the condition of life makes of greatell ule ; and that nothing is pcnurioufly imparted or placed far from the reach of man, of which a more liberal diftribution, or more eafy acquifi- tion, would increafe real and rational felicity. ^ Iron is common, and gold is rare. Iron con- tributes fo much to fupply the wants of naturq, that its ufe eonftitutes much ofthe difference be- tween favage and polifhed life, between the ftate of him that flumbers in European palaces, and him that Ihelters hinifelf in the cavities of a rock from the chilnefs of the night, or the violence of the ftorm. Gold can never be hardened into faws or axes ; it can neither furnifh inftrumeats of manufa£ture, utenfils of agricultjre, nor wea- pons of defence i its only quahty is to fhine, y and r64 THE IDLER, N*^ 37' and the value of its luflre arifes from its fcarcity. Throughout the whole circle, both of natural and moral life, neceflaries arc as Iron, and fu- perfluities as Gold. What we really need we may readily obtain j fo readily, that far tlie greater part of mankind has, in the wantonneft of abundance, confounded natural with artificial defires, and invented neceflities for the fake of employment, becaufe the mind is impatient of inaction, and life is fuflained with fo little la- ' bour, that the tedioufnefs of idle time cannot otherwife be fupported"* Thus plenty is the original caufe of many ot our needs; and even the poverty, which is fo frequent and diftrefsful in civilized nations, pro- ceeds often from that change of manners which- opulence has produced. Nature makes us poor only when we want neceflaries, but cuftom gives the name of poverty to the want of fupcr- fluitles. When Socrates paffed through fliops of toys and ornaments, he cried out, How many things are here which 1 do not need ! And the fame ex- clamation may every man make who iurveys the common accommodations of life. Superfluity and difficulty begin together. To drefs food for the ilomach is eafy ; the art is, to irritate the palate when the fl:omach is fufficed. A rude hand may build walls, form roofs, and lav floors,, N^'sr- 'i'HE IDLER, i6^ floors, and provide all that warmth andfccurity re* quire ; wc only call the nicer artificers to carve the cornice, or to paint the cielings. Such drefs as may enable the body to endure the different feafons, the mod unenlightened nations have been able to procure ; but the work of fciencc begins in the ambition of diftindtion, in varia- tions of fafliion, and emulation of elegance. Corn grows with cafy culture j the Gardener'^ experiments are only employed to exalt the flavours of fruits, and brighten the colours of flowers. Even of knowledge, thofe parts are moft eafy which are generally neceflkry. The intercourfe of fociety is maintained without the elegances of language. Figures, criticifms, and refinements, are the work of thofe whom idlenefs makes weary of themfelves. The commerce of the world is carried on by eafy methods of compu- tation. Subtilty and ftudy are required only when queftions are invented merely to puzzle, and calculations are extended to fhew the fkill of the calculator. The lig-ht of the Sun is equally beneficial to him whofe eyes tell him that it moves, and to him whofe reafon pcr- fuades him that it ftands flill ; and plants grow with the fame luxuriance, whether we fuppofc earth or water the parent of vegetation. Ifweraifeour thoughts to nobler enquiries, wc fhall flill find facility concurring with ufe- fulnefs* 1 \^ 11 I! II t65 THE IDLER. N°37. i 1 I I fulnefs. No mBU need {lay to be virtuous till the moralifts have determined the eflencc of vir- tue ; our duty is made apparent by its proxi- mate confequences, though the general and ul- timate reafon iTiouJd never be difcovtred. Reli- gion may regulate the life of him to whom the Scotlfts and Thomijh are alike unknown ; and the aflertors of fate and free-will, however different in their talk, agree to aft in the fame manner. h is not my intention to depreciate the po- liter arts or abftrufer lludies. That curioftfy which always fucceeds eafe and plenty was un- doubtedly given us as a proof of capacity which our prefent ftate is not able to iill, as a prept ra- ti ve for forne better mode of exiflence, which Iball fiiniiih employment for the whole foul, and where pleaiure Ihall be adequate to our powers of fruition.. In the mean time, let us gratefully acknowli^dge that goodnefs which grants us eafe at a cheap rate, which changes the feafons where the nature of her\t ^nd cold has not been yet examined, and gives the viciffitudes of day and night to thofe who never marked the tropicks, or num^ l?ered the conflellations. NuMBi N^38. THE IDLER. 167 Numb. 38. Saturday, January ^^ 17^8. SINCE the publication of the letter conceriir ing the conditiou of thofe who arc; confined in gaols by their creditors, an enquiry is faid to have been made, by which it appears that more than * twenty thoufand are at this time prifoners for debt. We often look with indifFerence on the fuc- ceflive parts of that, which, if the whole were feen together, would fhakc us with emotion. A Debtor is dragged to prifon, pitied for a mo- ment, and then forgotten , another follows him, and is loft alike in the caverns of oblivion ; but when the whole mafs of calamity rifes up at once, when twenty thoufand reafonable Beings are heard all groaning in unaeceflary mifery, not by the infirmity of nature, but the miftake or negli- gence of policy, who can forbear to pity and la- ment, to wo^ider and abhor ? There is here no need of declamatory vehe- mence; we live in an age of Commerce and Computation; let us therefore coolly enquire what is the fum of evil which the imprifonmeiij: of Debtors brings upon our country. ♦ This number was at that time confidently publifhcd'j but the author has fincc found reafon to qucftion ihe calcu- Ution» It ^1 ky i6S TjlE IDLER. N« 38. It feems to be the opinion of the later compu- tifts, that the inhabitants af Eng and do not ex- ceed fix millions, of which twenty thoufand is the three-hundredth part. What (hall we fay of the humanity or the wifdom of a nation, that vo- luntarily facrifices one in every three hundred to lingering deftruftion ! The misfortunes of an individual do not ex- tend their influence to many ; yet, if we con- fider the effeas of confanguinity and friendfhip, and the general reciprocation of wants and bene- fits, which make one man dear or neceifary to another, it may reafonably be fuppofed, that every man languiihing in prifo^i gives trouble of fome kind to two others who love or need him. By this njultiplication of mifery we fee diftrefs extended to the hundredth part of the whole fociety. If we cftimate at a {hilfing a day what is lolt^ by the ina£tion and confumed in the fupport of each man thus chain<;d down to involuntary idlenefs, the pubhck lofs will rife in one year to three hundred thoufand pounds ; in ten years to more than a fixth part of our circulating coin. I am afraid that thofe who are beft acquainted with the flate of our prifons will confefs that my conjefture is too near the truth, when I fup- pofe that the corrofion of refentment, the heavi- nefs of forrow, the corruption of confined air, the want of exercife, and fomctimes of food, the N*' 38. compu- not ex- nd is the y of the that vo- [idred to r' not ex- we con- endfhip, ndl)eue- lelTary to fed, that rouble of eed him. e diftrefs le whole lat is loft apport of ;roluntary [Q year to 1 years to g coin, cquainted ifefs ' that hen I fup- the heavi- ifined air, of food, the K^38. THE IDLER. i^ the contagion of difeafes, from which there is no retreat, and the fcverity of tyrants, againft whom there can be no refiftance, and all the complicated horrors of a prifon, put an end every year to the life of one in four of thofethat are fhut up from the common comforts of hu* man life. . Thus perifh yearly five thoufand men, over- borne with forrow, confumed by famine, or putrified by filth ; many of them in the moft vigorous and ufeful part of life ; for the thought- lefs and imprudent are commonly young, and the aftive and bufy are feidom old. . According to the rule generally received, which fuppofes that one in thirty dies yearly, the race of man may be faid to be renewed at the end of thirty years. Who would have be- lieved till now, that of every EngJiJb generation^ an hundred and fifty thoufand perifh in our gaols ! that in eveiy century, a nation eminent for fcience, fludious of commerce, ambitious of empire, fliould willingly lofe, in noifome dun- geons, five hundred thoufand of its inhabitants ; a number greater than has ever been deftroycd in the fame time by the Peftilence and Sword ! A very late occurrence may Ihew us the valne of the number which we thus condemn to be ufelefs ; in the re-eftabiiibrr'eijt of the Trained Bands, twenty thoufand ^;e confidered as a force fufficient againfl all exigences. While, Vol. I. 1 there- ^yo THE IDLER, N° 38, therefore, we detain twenty thoufand in prifon, 5ve iliut up in darknefs and ufeleflhefs two-thirds of an array which ourfelves judge equal to ihe ^efenceof our country. The monaftic inflitutions have been often blamed, as tending to retard the increafeof man* kind. And perhaps retirement ought rarely to be permitted, except to thofewhofe employment is confident with abftraaion, and who, though folitary, will not be idle ; to thofe whom infir- mity makes ufelefs to the common-wealth, or to thofe who have paid their due proportion to So- ciety, and who, having lived for others, may be honourably difn)ifi::a to live for themfelves. But whatever be the evil or the folly of thefe re- treats, thofe have no right to cenfure them whofe prilons contain greater numbers than the Monafteries of other countries. It is, furely, lefs foolllh and lefs criminal to permit inaaion than compel it ; to comply with doubtful opinions of happinefs, than condemn to certain and appa- , rent mifery ; to indulge the extravagances of er- roneous piety, than to multiply and enforce temptations to wickcdnefs. . The mifery of gaols is not half their evil : they are filled with every corruption which poverty and wickednefs can generate between them; with all the Ihamelefs and profligate enormities that can be produced by the impu- ^nce of ignominy, the rage of want, and the malignity 171 N^3«- THE IDLER, fnklignity of defpair. In a prifon the awe of the public eye is loft, and the power of the Jaw is fpent ; there are few fears* tliere are no blufhcs* The lewd inflame the lewd, the audacious bar* den the audacious. Every one fortifies- hi mfelf as he can againft his own fenfibility, endeavours to pradlife on others the arts which are pradifed on himfejf ; and gains the kindnefs of his alTo- ciates by fimilitude of manners. ; Thus fome fink amidft their mifery, and others furvive only to propagate villainy. It may be hoped, that our Lawgivers will at length take away from us this power of ftarving aud de- praving one another : but, if there be any rea- fon why this inveterate evil fliould not be re- moved in our age, which true policy has en- lightened beyond any former time, let thofe, whole writings form the opinions and the prac- tices of t.hcir contemporaiies, endeavour tq transfer the reproach of fuchimprifonment from the Debtor to the Creditor, till univerfal infamy fliall purfue the wretch whofe wanton nefs of power, or revenge of difappointment, condemns another to torture and to ruin ; till he (hall \yb hunted throijgh the world as an enemy to man, and find in riches no fhelter from contempt. Surely be, whofe Debtor has perifhed iit prifon, though he may acquit himlelf of deli- berate murder, muft at leaft have his mind clouded with difcontent, when he confiders how I 2 much XM ■m i7i THE IDLER. N* 38. much another has fuffered from him ; when he thinks on the wife bewailing her hulband, or the children begging the bread which their father would have earned. If there arc any made fo obdurate by avarice or cruehy, as to revolve thefe confequences without dread or pity, I muft leave them to be awakened by fome other power, for I write only to human Beings. KOMB. 39. Saturday, January 13, i7S9' To the IDLE R. Sir, AS none look more diligently about them than thofe who have nothing to do, or who do nothing, I fuppofe it has not efcaped your obfervation, that the Bracelet, or orna- ment of great antiquity, has been for fome years revived among the Englijh Ladies. The genius of our nation is faid, I know not for what reafon, to appear rather in improve- meat than invention. The Bracelet was known in the carlieft ages ; but it was formerly only a hoop of gold, or a clufter of jewels, and ftiewed nothing but the wealth or vanity of the wearer, ^Ul our Ladies, by carrying Pidures on their wriils, N THE IDLER. 39. intlsiUL.t.B^* 175 wrifts, made their ornaments works of fancy and exercifes of judgement. This addition of art to luxury is one of the in- numerable proofs that might be given of the late increafe of female erudition ; and 1 have often congratulated myfelf that my life has happened at a time when thofe, on whom fo much of hu- man felicity depends, have learned to think as well as fpeak, and when refpe£t takes pofleflion of the ear, while love is entering at the eye. I have obferved, that, even by the fufFrages of their own fex, thofe Ladies are accounted wifeft who do not yet difdain to be taught i and therefore I fnall offer a few hints for the ©ompletion of the Bracelet, without any dread of the fate of Orpheus* I'o the Ladies who wear the Pictures of their hufbands or children, or any other near rela- tions, 1 can offer nothing more decent or more proper. It is reafonabie to believe that (he in- tends at leaft to perform her duty, who carries a- perpetual excitcmentto recollection and caution, whofe own ornaments muft upbraid her with- every failure, and who, by any open violation of her engagements, muft for ever forfeit her Bracelet. Yet I know not whether it is the intereft of the hulband to folicit very earrieftly a place on the Bracelet. If his image be not in the heart, it is of fhiall avail to hang it on the hand. A ' I 3 huiband I . i 174 'i"HE IDLER. N» 39. ijulband encircled with diamonds and rubie« may gain Ibme eflcem, \mt will never excite Jove. He that thinks himCelF moll fecure of his wife, fliould be fearful of pcrfecuting her con- tinually with his prcfencc. 1 he joy of life is variety ; the tendereft love requires to be re- kindled by intervals of abfence ; and Fidelity herfelf will be wearied with transferring hex? eye only from the fame Man to the fame Fie-* ture. In many countries the condition of every woman is known by her drcfs. Marriage is re«» warded with fome honourable diftinilion which celibacy is forbidden to ufurp. Some fuch in-» formation a Bracelet might afford. The Ladies might enroll themfelves in diftinfk clalTes, and carry in open view the emblems of their order. The Bracelet of the Authorefs may exhibit the Mules in a Grove of Laurel-, the.Houfewifemay fh«w Pfnekpe with her Web; the Votrefs of a fingle life may carry JJrfuUi with her troop of Virgins ; the Gamefter may have Fortune with her Wheel; and thofe Women that ^^z;r «• chara^er at all may difplay a Field of white Ena- U^el, as imploring help to fill up the Vacuity. - There is a fet of Ladies who have outlived moft animal pleafures, and, having nothing ra- tional CO put in their place, folace with Cards the lofs of what Time has taken away, and the want of what Wifdo^i, having never been . courted^ N^39' THE IDLER. 17$ courted, has never given. For thefe I know not how to provide a prdper decoration. I'hey cannot be numbered among the Gamcfters, for though they are always at play they play for no- thing, a-.id never rife to the dignity of Hazard or the reputation of Skill. They neither love nor are loved, and cannot be fuppofed to con- template any human i^iage with delight. Yet though they defpair to pleafc, they always wifli to be fine, and therefore cannot be without a Bracelet. To this Sifterhood I can recommend nothing more likely to pleafe them than the King of Clubs, h. pcrfonage very comely and majeftic, who will never meet their eyes with- out reviving the. thought of fome paft or future party,, and who may be difplayed in the ad of dealing with grace and propriety. - But the Bracelet which might be moH: eafily introduced into general ufe is a fmall conve* Mirror, in which the Lady may fee herfeff whenever fhe fhall lift her hand. This will be a perpetual fource of delight. Other ornament? are of ufe only in publick, but this will furuifli gratifications to folitude. This will ihew a face that muft always pleafe ; fhe who is followed by Admirers will carry about her a perpetual juflifi- cation of the public voice ; and (he who palles without notice may appeal from prejudice to her owa eye«. • J 4 But u 'i^?^^^' IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) ill 1.0 I.I lt.25 iin.4 |50 "^" ■■■ itt Uii 12.2 12.0 m 1.6 m wBik u Ta /a m % ., -^^V" ^^ °w Sciences Corporation 33 WiST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, NY. 14580 (716) 872-4303 ^ U.. e O 176 THE IDLER. No 3^. But I know not why the privilege of the Bracelet fliouJd be confined to Women ; it was in former ages worn hy Heroes in battle ; and as modern Soldiers are always diilinguifhed by Splendour of drefs, I Ihould rejoice to fee the Bracelet added to the Cockade. In hope of this ornamental innovation, I liave fpent fome thoughts upon military Brace- ' lets. There is no pallipn more heroic than Love ; and therefore I Ihould be glad to fee the $ons of £/?^//7«^ marching in the field, every nian with the Piaure of a Woman of Honour bound upon his, hand. But fince in tne Army, as every where elfe, there will always be Mea who love nobody but themfelves, or whom no \yoman of Honour will permit to love her, there is a neceffity of fonje other diftinaions 9ttd devices* I have read of a Prince who, having loft a town, ordeced the name of i.t to be every morn- ifig fliou.ted in his ear till it Ihould be recovered* for tlie fame purpofe I thiftk the profpe^ of Minorca might bp probably worn on th^ hands cffonxe of Oi^r Generals: otheKs might delight their Countrymen, and dignify themfelves witii a view of Ra^hfort a& it appeared to them at Sea : and thofc that Ihall return from the canqueft of America^ may exhibit the Warehoufe of Fronted mh wijth au ipfcription denoting, that it was -. taken* N^s^* THE IDLER. 177 taken in lefs than three years by lefs than twenty thoufand men. I am, Sir, kc* Tom Toy, I' I I Numb. 40. Saturi>ay, January 20, 1759. THE praaice of appending to the riarra-' tives of public tranfaftions more minutC: and domeftic intelligence, and'fiUing the News- papers with advertifements, has grown- up by flow degrees to its prefent ftate* Genius is Ihewn only by Invention. The man who firft took advantage of the general cu- riolity that was excited by a liege or battle, to betray the Readers of News into the knowledge of the Ihop where the beft Puffs and Powder were tb be fold, was undoubtedly a man of grfeat fa-- gacity^ and profound ikill in the nature of Man;- But when he had once (hewn the way, it war- eafy to follow him ; and every man now knows a ready method of informing thfe Publick of all^ that he delires to buy or fell, Whether his Wares ^ be material or ihtelle£lual ; Whether he makes eioaths, or teaches the Mathematics ; whether he be a Tutor that wants a » Fupii, or a Pupii^ that wants a Tutor. r.'i ■r i «* -I I7V THE IDLER. N«4d. Whatever is common is defpifed. Advertife- ments are now fo numerous that they are very negligently perufed, and it is therefore become necelTary to gain attention by magnificence of promifes, and by eloquence fometimes fublime jind fometimes pathetic, Promife, large Promifb, is the foul of an Ad- vertifement. I remember a IVqJh-hall that li^^d a quality truly wonderful ; it gave an exquijtte edge to the rawr. And there are now to be fold> jfor ready money only t fpme Duvets, for bed- cftveringSy Qf downy beyond comparifanfiperior to. what Is called Piter Doviiny and indeed fuch, that its tfiany ex^ ce'lences cannot be. hc' t: fit fqrth. With one eX"- cellcnce we are m?i^c acquainted, // is warmer than four or., five blankets ^ and lighter than one*. . There are fomc,. however, that know the- ^ejudice of mankind in. favour of modefl fin* cerity. The vender of the Beautifying Fluid fells. ^ Lotion that repels piinpks, walhes away freckles, fmooths the (kin, and plumps the flefh ; 4nd yet, with a generous abhprrence of often- tation, confefles, that it wiU- not r^lore the bloom: (^fifteen to a Lady^ ^ffify' Tbe true p^thqs of Advertifements muft have- funk deep into the heart of every man that re- ipembers the zeal lliewn by the Seller of the Anodyne Necklace, for the eafe and fafety of poor tfioihing infants^ and the affe£lion with which he. WAXlied every mother, that/.^ wiuld never fr five bi^jeifj N^ THE IDLER. 40. I JriE^ lUL.bif.» 1 79* hrfilf\i her infant IhoulcJ perifh without a Neck- lace. I cannot but remark to the cclebra,ted Author who gave, in his notifications of the Camel and Dromedary, fo many fpecimens of the genuine Ibblime, that there is now arrived another fubjedt yet more worthy of his pen. 4 famous Mohawk, Indian fVarriory who took Diefkaw th( Fremk General prifoner^ drejfed in thf fame manner with the native Indians when they go to war^ with bis, face and body painted^ vi'ith hisfcalping knife, Tom' ax^ and all other implements of war \ a fight worth f the curiofity of evfry true Briton ! This is a very, powerful defcription ; but a Critic of great refine- ment would fa^ that it Conveys rather horrcr and. terror. An Indian, drefied as he goes to war, may bring company together ; but if he carries tlie fcalping knife and tom-ax, there are many- true Britons that vvill never be perfuadjsd to fea him but through a grate. It has been remai-feod by tlie fcverer judges^; that the lalutary fbi raw of tragic fcenes is too* f@on eiFaced by the merriment of the Epilogue ^ the fame inconvenience arifcs from the improper" difpofition of Adveitifements.. The nobJeft: objects may be fo afTociated as to be made,- ridiculous. The Camel and Dromedary them- iclves might have lofl much of their dignity be- tween The true Flower of Mufiard and The On'. £iftal Dajy's Elijcir i and I could uot but feel k 6* fome iSci TRE IDLER, N''40. fome indignation when I found this illuftrioua Indian Warrior immediately fuccecded by A frejk petrcil of Dublin Butter. The trade of advcrtifing is now fo near tO; perfeftibn, that it is not eafy to propofe any, improvement. But as every art ought to be. Gxercifed in due fubordination to the public, good, I cannot but propofe it as a moral quefr tion to thefe matters of the public ear, Whe-^ ther they do not fometimes play too wantonly with our paflibns,.as when, the Regiftrar of Lot- tery Tickets invites us to his Ihop by an account of the prize which he fold laft year ; and whether, the advcrtifing^ Controvextifts do not indulge, afperity of language without any adequate pror vocation ; as in the.difpute about Straps for Ro" ^rsf now happily fubfided, and in the altcrcar tion which at prefent.fubfifls concerning £fl«.^ i^eighbour^ He, may proclaim his own virtue or ikiil, but ought not to exclude others from the. fame preteniions.. Every mm that advertifes his own excellence,, ^ould write v^h fome, confcioufnefe of a cha- ra£ter which dares to call the attention of the. Eviblick. He. ihoixld remember that his name, It ; ill N THE IDLER, 4^ THJi. 1L>L.£.K, ^4 is to ftand in the fame Paper with thofe of the King of Prujfta and the Emperor of Germany^. and endeavour to make himfdf worthy of fuch aflbciation. Some regard is likewifc to be paid fo pofterily* Therie are men of diligence and curioli'^y who treafure up the Papers of the Day merely bccaufe^ others ncgleft them, and in time tliey will be fcarce. When thefe coliedions Ihali be read in> another century, how will numberlefs contra- dictions be reconciled ? and how fhall Fame be. poffibly diftributed among the Taylors and Bod- dice- makers of the prefent age? Surely thefe things deferve confideration. It is enough for me to have hinted my defirc that thefe abufes may be re£tified ; but fuch is the ftate of nature, that what all have the righti of doing, mahy will attempt without fufficient care or due ^ualificatioiu^ NvMBi^ $n THE IDLER. N*4i, Npm5. 4.f» Saturday, January a;, 175^ TH E following Letter relates to an afflic- tion perhaps not neeeflary to be impart- ed to the Puhlick ; but I could not pcrfuade my- fclftofupprefjit, becaufe I think I know thc^ fbntiments to be finccre, and 1 feel no difpoiU tion to provide for this day any other entertaitw meat. At Itt qal/quis iru, mftri qui cniiHa psitm' Cndidiris ftetu funtradigna tup^ Hac pofirema tibi Jit flfttUi caufat fluatqut. tents inoffett/o 'uitague morffue gradu, Mr, Idler, NOTWITHSTANDING the warnings of Philofophers, and the daily examples of lofles and misfortunes- which life forces upon eur obfervation, fuch is the abforption of our thoughts in the buiiaefs of the prefentday, fuch the relignation of our reafon to empty hopes of future felicity,, or fuch our unwillingncfs tp^ forefee. what we dread, that every calamity comes fuddenly upon us, and not only preiTes us as a. burthen, but cruflies as a blow. There are evils which happen out of the coiiimoa courfe ci nature, againft which it i& N°4'* THE idler;' ifj^ no reproach not to be provided. A flafh of lightning intercepts the traveller in. his way. The cdncudion of an earthquake heaps the ruins of cities upon their inhaoitants. But other miferies time brings, though filently y«t vifibly, forward by its even lapfe, which yet ap- proach us unfeen becaufe we turn our eyes away^ and ieize us unrefifted becaufe we could not arn> ourf^lves againft them^ but by fetting them be- fore us. That it is vain to (brink from what cannot be avoided, and to hide that from ourfelves which muft fome time be found, is a truth which we all know, but which aH neglect, and perhaps none more than the fpeculative rea- foner, whofe thoughts are always from home, whofe eye wanders over life, whofe fancy dances after meteors of happinefs kindled by jtfelf, and who examines every thing rather than his own ftatc. Nothing is more evident than that the de- cays of age muft terminate in death; yet therd is no man, (zysTuify, who does not believe thar he may yet live another year ; and there is none who does not, upon the fame principle, hope another year for his parent or his friend : but the fallacy will be in time deteOed; the lafl year, the laft day muft come. It has come, and. is paft:, Tlic Ufe which made my own life pleafant i% THEIDLEJt^. N<»4r. pleafant is at end, and the gates of death are fliut upon my profpeAs. The lofs of a friend upon whom the heart was fixed, to whom every wilh and endeavour tended, is a ilate of dreary defolation in whicl;! the mind looks abroad impar'^nt of itfelf, and finds nothing but emptinefs and horror. The blamelefs life, the artlefs tendernefs, the piou$ £mpJicity, thfj modefl reiignation, the patient iicknefs, and the quiet death, are remembered only to add value to the lofs, to aggravate re- gret for what cannot be amended, to deepen forrow for what cannot be recalled. Thefe are the calamities by which Provi* dencc gradually difengages us from the love of life. Other evils fortitude may repel, or hope may mitigate ; but irreparable privation leaves- nothing to exercife refolution ox flatter expec- tation. The dead cannot return^ and nothing is left us here but languilhment and grief. Yetfuch is the courfe of nature, that who* ever lives long mufl outlive thofe whom he loves^ and honours. Such is. the condition of our prefent exiflence, that life mufl one. time, lofe its affociations, and every inhabitant of the earth muft walk downward to the grave alone and unregarded, without any partner of his joy or grief, without any interefted witnefs of his misfortunes, or fuccefs* Misf^Ktune^, N-4I* THE IDLER. 18^5 Misfortune, indeed, he may yet feel ; for where is the bottom of the milery of man? But what h fuccefs to him that has nortc to cr»- jcy it } H ippinefs is not found in fclf-contenN plation ; it is perceived only when it is relieved from another. We know little of the ftate of departed fouls, becaufe fuch knowledge is not neceflary to a good life. Reafon deferts us at the brink of the grave, and can give no further intelligence. Revela- tion is not wholly filent. 7here is Joy in the Arf gtU of Heaven over one Sinner that rcpenteth : and fureiy this joy is not incommunicable to fouls difencangled from the body, and made like An- gels. Let Hope therefore diftatc, what Revela- tion does not confute, that tfje union of fouls may ftill remain ; and that we who are flrugglirrg with fin, forrow, and infirmities, may have our part in the attention and kindnefs of thofc who have fini(hed their courfe, and are now re- ceiving their reward, Thefe axe the great occafions which force the mind to take refuge in Religion ; when we have no help in ourfelves, what can remain but that we look up to a higher and a greater Power ? and to what hope may we not raife our eyes and hearts, when we confider that the Greateft Power is the Best i Sureljf, ■MM 186 THE IDLER. N' 41. Surely there is no man who, thus aflliftcd, docs not fcek fuccour in the Gafptl^ which lias brouglit Lift and immortality to Light, 'i he pre- cepts oi Epicurusy who teaches us to epdurc what the Laws of the Univcrfe make neccffary, may filence but not content us. The dictates o[ ZctOf who commands us to look with in- difference on external things, may difpofe us tp conceal our forrow, but cannot aiFuagc it. Real i^lleviation of the Jofs of friends, and rational tranquillity in the profpc£t of our own dilToIu- tion, can be received only from the promifcs of him in whofe hands are li& and de%th, and from the aflurance of another and t>etter ilate^ in which all tears will be wiped from the cyc^, i^d the whole foul (hall be filled with joy. Phi- lofophy may inf "e ftubbpnuwft, but Rclijjjp^ Qi>Iy can give Pat cncc. I am, &Q*. Numb. T I ' N*42. THE IDLEH. 18;^ Numb. 42. Saturday, February ^^ i759' ''T^HE fubjeft of the following Letter is not Jl wholly unmcntioncd by the Kamblkh, T he Spectator has alio a Letter containing a cafe not much different. 1 hope my Corre- fpondent*s performance is more an effort of Ge- nius, than eiFufion of the Paflions ; and that Ihc hath rather attempted to paint fomc polfible diilrcfs, than really feels the evils which Ihc hai defcribed. r^ /*# I D L E R. S IR, • 1 THERE is acaufeof Mifery, which, though certainly known both to you and ycuf predcceffors, has been little taken notice of in your papers ; I mean the fnares that the bad behaviour of Parents extends over the paths of life which their children are to tread after them ; and as I make no doubt but the Idien holds the (hield for Virtue, as well as the glafs' for Folly, that he will employ his leifure houra as much to his own fatisfaflion in warning his Readers againft a danger, as in jaughing them out of a falhidn : for this reafon I am tempted to alk admittance for my ftory inyourPaper^ though !■ 1 1:1 I iiiii t88 THE IDLER. N°42. though it has nothing to recommend it but truth, and the honeft wiih of warning others to (hun the track which I am afraid may lead me at laft to ruin. lam the child of a Father, who, having al- ways lived in one fpot in the country where he was born, and having had no genteel education hi ^felf,. thought no qualifications in the world delireable but as they led up to fortune, and no learning necelfary to happinefs but fuch as might mod efFe£tually teach me to make the bcft market of myfelf. I was unfortunately born a Beauty, to a full fenfe of which my fa- ther took care to flatter me ; and having, whea very young, put me to a fchool in the country, afterwards tranfplanted me to aiiother in town, at the inftigation of his friends, where his ill- judged fondnefs let me remain no longer than to learn juft enough experience to convince me of the fordidnefs of his views, to give me an idea of perfedlions which my prefent fituation will never fufFer me to reach, and to teach me fufficient morals to dare to defpife what is. bad, ^though it be in a Father. Thus equipped (as he thought completely) for life, I was carried back into the country, and lived with him and my Mother in a fmall village, within a few miles of the county- town ; where I mixed, at firft with reludlance, among company which, though I never defpifed. I cou Id N°42. d It but ig others nay lead aving al- where he education he world r, and no fuch as nake the rtunately :h my fa- ig, when country, in town, e his ill- nger than iv'i>ce me ive me an fituation teach me it is< bad> mpletely) ; country, in a fmall ; county- eludlance, r defpifed, I could 1^42. - THE IDLER. 189 I could not approve, as they were brought up with other inclinations, and narrower views than my own. My Father took great pains to (hew me every where, both at his own houfe, and at fuch public diverfions as the country af- forded : he frequently told the people all he had was for his daughter ; took care to repeat th& civilities I had received from all his friends in London ; told how much I was admired, and all his little ambition coald fugged to fet me in a ftronger light. Thus have I continued tricked out for Sale, as I may call it, and doomed, by parental au- thority, to a date little better th?,n that of proftitution. I look on myfelf as growing cheaper every hour, and am lofing all that honeftf pride, that modeft confidence, in which the vir- gin dignity coniifts. Nor does my misfortune ftop here : though many would be too generous to impute the follies of a father to child whofe heart has fet her above them j yet I am afraid the moft charitable of them will hardly think it pof- libie for me to be a daily fpe^latrefs of his vices without tacitly allowing them, and at lad con- fenting to them, as the eye of the frighted infant is, by degrees, reconciled to the darknefs of which at firft it was afraid. It is a common opi- nion, he himfelf muft very well know, that vices, like difealcs, are often hereditary; and that ui M «•> V* ii !!''«" iii' 1^6 THE IDLER. 1^4^.' that the property of the one is to infe£l the ftiau- ners, as the other poifons the fprings of life. Yet this, though bad, is not the worft ; my Father deceives himfelf the hopes of the very child he has brought into the world; he fuf- fers his houfe to be the feat of drunkehnefs, riot, and irrel'.gion ; who feduces, almoft in my fight, the menial fervant, converfes with the proftitute, and corrupts the wife! Thus i, who from my earlieft dawn of reafon was taught to think that at my approach every eye fparkled with pleafure, or was deje£led as con- fcious of fuperior charms,, am excluded from fociety, through fear left I fhould partake, if n6t of my father's crimes, at leaft of his reproach. Is a parent, who is fo little folicitous for the welfare of a child, better than a pirate who turns a wretch adrift in a boat at fea without a liar to fteer by, or an anchor to hold it faft ? Ami not to lay all my miferies at thofe doors which ought to have opened only for my prote£tion ? And" if doomed to add at laft one more to the num- ber of thofe wretches whom neither the world nor its law befriends, may I not juftly fay that I have been a./ed by a Parent into ruin? But though a Parent's power is fcreened from infult and violation by the very words of Heaven, yet furely no laws, divine or human, forbid me tb remove myfelf from the malignant (hade of jC plant le ftiau- ife. ft ; my e very he fuf- ehnefs, loft in !S with I Thus m was cry eye ,s con- i from :, if n6t 5roach. for the 3 turns liar to Ti I not I ought ? And" ; num- world that I L? But 1 infult jn, yet ; me tb de of jC plant N%2. THE IDLER. j^f plant that poifons all around it, blifts the bloom of youth, checks its improvements, and inakes all its flowrets fade; but to whom can the wretched, can the dependant fly ? For me to fly a Father's houfe, is to be a Beggar : I have on-^ ly one Comforter amidft my anxieties, a pious relation, who bids itie appeal to Heaven for a witnefs to my juft intentions, fly as a deferted Wretch to its proteaion ; and, being aflced who my Father is, point, like the ancient Philofo- pher, with my finger to the Heavens. The hope in which 1 write this is, that you will give it a place in your Paper; and, as your Eflays fometimes find their way into the coun- try, that my Father may read my ftory there ; and, if not for his own fake, yet for mine, fpare to perpetuate that worft of calamities to me, the lofs of charafter, from which all his diffi- mulation has not been able to refcue himfelf. Tell the world. Sir, that it is poflible for Vir- tue to keep its throne unfhaken without any other guard than itfelf; that it is poflible to maintain that purity of thought fo necefl^ary to the completion of human excellence even in the midft of temptations ; when they have no friend within, nor are aflifted by the voluntary indul- gence of vicious thoughts. If the infertion of a fl:ory like this does not break in on the plan of your Paper, you have V 6 it I t jg2 THE IDLER. N*'42. it in your power to be a better friend than her Father to Perdita. Numb. 43. Saturday, Fdruary xo, 1759. THE natural advantages which arife from the pofition of the Earth which we inha- bit withrefpeft to the otlier Planets, afford ipuch employment to mathematical fpeculation, by which it has been difcovered, that no other con-r formation of the fyftem could have given fuch commodious diftributions of light and heat, or imparted fertility and pleafure to fo great a part of a revolving fphere. It may be perhaps obferved by the Moral ift, with equal reafon, that our globe feems parti- cularly fitted for the refidence of a Being, placed here only for a ihort time, whofe talk is to advance himfelf to a higher and happier ftate of exiftence, by unremitted vigilance of caution, and activity of virtue. The duties required of man are fuch as hu- man nature does not willingly perform, and fuch as thofe are inclined to delay who yet in- tend fome time to fulfil them. It was therefore neceffary that this univerfal reluctance fhould be counteracted, and the drowfuiefs of hefitation wakened into relblve ; that the danger of pro- crallination N''4^ THE IDLER. j^j <:raftination fhould be always in view, and the fallacies of fecurity be hourly detefted. To this end all the appearances of nature uniformly confpire. Whatever we fee on every fide reminds us of the Japfe of Time and the flux of Life. The day and night fucceed each other ; the rotation of feafons diverfifies the year ; the fun rifes, attains the meridian, declines and fetsj and the moon every night changes its form. The Day has been confidered as an image of the Year, and the Year as the reprefentation of Life. The Morning anfwers to the Spring, and the Spring to Childhood and Youth ; the Noon correfponds to the Summer, and the Summer to the Strength of Manhood ; the Evening is an emblem of Autumn, and Autumn of declining Life. The Night with its Silence and Darknefs fhews the Winter, in which all the powers of Vegetationare benumbed ; and the Winter points out the time when Life Ihall ceafe, with its hope and pleafures. He that is carried forward, however f^viftly, by a motion equable and eafy, perceives not the change of place but by the variation of ohjeas. If the wheel of life, which rolls thus iiiently along, pafled on through undiftiiiguifhable uni- formity, we fhould never mark kd approaches to the end of the courfe. If one ]/^.ir were like another J if the paflage of the fun did not fhcw Vol. L K that M mn i^ i 194 T H E I D L E R, uus^ that the day is wafting ; if the change of fea- ibns did not imprefs upon us the flight of the year ; quantities of duration equal to days and years would glide unohferved. If the parts of time were not varioufly coloured, we fliould never difcern their departure or fucceflion, but fliould live thoughtlefs of the paft, and carelefs of the future, without will, and perhaps with- out power to compute the periods of life, or to compare the time which is already loft with that which may probably remain. But the courfe of time is fo vilibly marked, that it is obferved even by the birds of paffivge, and by nations who have raifed their minds very little above animal inftin£t : there are human beings, whofe language does not fupply them with words by which they can number five; but I have read of none that have not names for Day and Night, for Summer and Winter. Yet it is certain that thefe admonitions of na- ture, however forcible, however importunate, are too often vain ; and that many, who mark with fuch accuracy the courfe of tirtie, appear to have little fcnfibility of the decline of life. Every man has fomething.to do which he neg- lects ; every man has faults to conquer which he delays to combat. So little do we accuftom ourfelves to con- fidcr the effbas of time, that things neceflary and ceitaiu often furprize us like unexpefted cons N'>43- THE IDLER. tq^ contingencies. We leave the Beauty in her bloom, and, after an abfence of twenty years, wonder, at our return, to find her faded. ' We meet thofe whom we left Children, and can karcely perfuade ourfelves to treat them as men. The Traveller vifitsinagethofecountiies through which he rambled in his youth, and hope* for merrnnent at the old place. The man of Bu- finefs, wearied with unfatisfaftory profperity, retires to the town of his nativity, and expcas to play away the laft years with the companions of his childllood, and recover youth in the fields where he once was young. From this inattention, fo general and fo mifrhievous, let it be every man's ftudy to ex- empt himfelf. Let him that defires to fee others happy, make hafte to give while his gift can be enjoyed, and remember that every moment of delay takes away fomething from the vahjs of his benefaaion. And let him who purpofe.^ his own happinefs, refleft, that while he forms his purpofe the day rolls on, and ibe ni^ht cmeh when no man can work. : III Ilk!' if Ka UMR. 'HI 196 THE IDLER. N^44- Numb. 44. Saturday, February 17, 1759, MEMORY is, among the faculties of the human mind, that of which we jnake the moft frequent ufe, or rather that of which the agency is inceflant or perpetual. Memory is the primary and fundamental power, without which there could be no other intel- lc£tual operation. Judgment and Ratiocination fuppofe Ibmething already known, and draw their dcciiions only from experience. Imagina- tion fele£ts ideas from tlie treafures of Remem- brance, and produces novelty only by varied combinations. We do not even form con- iet amended. That the Painters f^id no encouragement among the Englijh for many other works than Portraits, has been imputed to national felf* idmcfs. It is vain, fays the Satyrift, to fet before any Englifhmon the Scenes of Landfcapc, or the Heroes of Hiftory; Nature and Anti- quity are nothing in his eye; he has no valrt but for himfelf, nor (lefires any copy but of hii own form. Whoever is delighted with his own Pifture jnuil derive \\\% pleafure from the pleafure of gmothcr*. N^s- THE IDLER. aoi another. Every man is always prefcnt to him-- fcif, and has, therefore, httic need of his own* refemblance, nor can dtfirc it, but for the fake of thofe whom he loves, and by whom he hopes to be remembered. This ufe of the Art is a" natural and leafonable confequence ofaffehtterino- ideas; the eloomy m-ountain, over- hanfiinp- tire Tea, and covered with trees, fonie bending to the wind, and fomc torn from ■ their roots by the raging Hero ; the violence with which he rends from his fhoulders the in- venomed garment ; th« propriety with which his mufcis-lar nakednefs may be difplayed ; the death of Lycas whirled from the promontory ; the gigantic prefence of Pbllo^etis ; the blaze of the fatal pile, which the Deities behold with grief and terror from the fky. All thefe images fill the mind, hut will not compofe a Pii^ure, becaufb they cannot be united in a lingle moment. Herc'les muft have rent his ilefli at one time, and tolled Lycas into the air at anc ther ; he muft firft tear up the tree?, and then lye down upon the pile. The a£tion muft be circumftantial and diftinft. There is a palfifage in the Iliad which cannot be read without ftrong emotions, A Trojan Prince, itized by Jcbilles in the battle, falls at his feet, and in moving terms fupplicates for life. Hoiv (an a vjnUh like the, fays the haughty Greeks en- treat ►r event Painter, ive, but Lire is a- death of ;h at the ith very ii, over- ;s, fonie rn from violence s the in- 1 which /ed ; the lontory ; blaze of old with will not nnot be i-uft have .ycai into the treej, 1 diftina. annot be n Prince, his feet, fe. How N"45. THE IDLER. 203 treat to live, when thou knoweji thit the time mufi come when Ahilles is to die f This cannot be painted, becaufe no peculiarity of attitude or difpofition can fo fupply the place of language as to imprefs the fentiment, Tlie event painted muft be fuch as excites palJkn, and different paffions in the feveral ac- tors, or a tumult of contending paffions in the chief. Perhaps the difcovery of U'yjps by his nurfe is of this kind. The furprize of the narfe mingled wi-th joy ; that of-UiyJps checked by prudence, and clouded by fo4icitude ; and the diftin£lnefs of the a£tion by which the fear is- found; all concur to complete the fubje^t. But the Piftures, having- only two figures, will want variety. A much nobler aflemblage may be furnifhcd by tUtdcdXh oi Epaminondas. The mixture of gladnefs and grief in' the face of the meffenger who brings his dying General an account of the vi£lory; the various paffions of the attendants ; the fubiimity of compofure in the Hero, while the dart is by his ov;n -command drawn from his fide, and the faint gleam of fatisfaaion that difFufes itfelf over the languor of death ; arc worthy of that pencil which yet I do not wilh to fee employed upon them. K S H ; 1 m J'J ao4 THE IDLER. N** 45. If the defign were not too multifarious and extenfivc, I Ihould wifh that our Painters would attempt the diflblution of the Parliament by Cromwell, The point of time may be chofeii when Cromwelly looking round the Pandaemo- nium with contempt, ordered the bauble to be taken away ; and Harr'tfon laid hands on tlie Speaker, to drag him from the chair. The various appearances, which rage, and terror, and aftonilhment^ and guilt, might ex- hibit in the faces of that hateful affembly, of whom the principal perfons may be faithfully drawn from Portraits or Prints ; the irrefolute repugnance of fome, the hypocritical fubmif- fion of others, the ferocious infolence of Crom- well , the rugged brutality of Harrijon, and the general trepidation of fear and wicked nefs ; would, if fome proper difpofition could be con- trived, make a picture of unexampled variety, sw;d irreliftible inftrudtipn* NUMI^. N^46. THE IDLER.. aojf; Numb, 46* Saturday,. March 3^ 1759^ Mr. Idler,, 1AM encouraged, by the notice you liav^ taken of Betty Brooniy to reprefent the mife- ries which I fufFer from a fpecies of Tyranny wl^ich, I believe, is not very uncommon, though perhaps it may have efcaped the obfervation of thofe who converfe little with iine Ladies, or fee them only in their public charaders. To this method of venting my vexation I am the more inclined, becaufeif I do n6t comr plain to you, I muft burft in liiencc ; for my Miftrefs has teazed me and teazed me till I can hold no longer, and yet; I muft not tell her of her tricks. The girls that lire in common fer- vices can quarrel, and give warning, and find other places ; but we that live v/ith great Ladies, if we once offend them, have nothing left but to return into the country. I am waiting- maid to a Lady, who keeps the l)eft company, and is {qqxi at every place of falhionible refort. I am envied by all the maids in the Square, for few CountelTes leave off fo many cloaths as my miflrefs, and nobody Ihares with me : fo that I fupply two families in the country with finery for the affizcs and horfe- '^n 2o6 THE IDLER. N*> 46. races, befides what 1 wear myfelf. The Steward and Houle-heeper havejohied againftmeto pro- cure my removal, that they may advance a rela- tion of their own ; but their defigns are found out by my Lady, who fays I need not fear them, for (he will never have Dowdies about her. You would think, Mr. IdUr, like others, that I am very happy, and may well be con- tented with my lot. But I will tell you. My Lady has an odd humour. She never orders any thing in dired words, for flic loves a iliarp girl that can take a hint. I- would not have you fufpeft that (he has any thing to hint which (he is alhamedto fpeak at length, for none can have greater purity of fentiment, or reftitude of intention. She has nothing to hide, yet nothing will (he tell. She always gives her direaions obliquely and alla- iively, by the mention of fomething relative or confequential, without any other purpofe than to exercifc my acutenefs and her own. It is impoflible to give a notion of this ftyle otherwife than by examples. One night, when (lie had fet writing letters till it was time to be dreiTed, Moil^, faid (he, the Ladies are all to be at Cjurt to-night in wlite aprons. When (he means that 1 (hould fend to order the chair, (he fays, / think the /ireeti are clean, I may ve^iture to walk. When (he would have fomething put into N*' 46. Steward 2 to pro- :e a rela- te found ar them, icr. others, be con- )ii. My r orders s afliarp fhe has I to fpeak purity of She has 2II. She and alla- slative or 3ofe than this ftyle It, when ime to be e all to be /"hen Ihe hair, Ihe venture to hing put into N%6. THE IDLER. 207 into its place,'{he bids me lay It on the floor. If fhe would have me fnufFthe candles, fhe afks whether I think her eyes are like a cat's r* If fhe thinks her chocolate delayed, llie talks of the henefit ofahJH^ nence. If any needle-work is forgotten, fhe fuppofes that I have heard of the Lady who died by pricking her finger. She always imagines that I can recall every thing paft from a fingle word. If fbe wants her head from the. Milliner, fhe only fays, Molly, ym know Mrs. Tape: If fl^e would have the Mantua-maker fent for, Ihe remarks that Mr. Toffaty, the Mercer, was here lajl week. She ordered, a fornight ago, that the firft time Ihe was abroad all day I Ihould chufe her a new fett of coffee-cups at the china-fhop : of this fhe reminded me yefterday, as fhe was going down flairs, by faying, Tou can't find your way now to l^all-maU. All this would never vex me, if, by in* creafing my trouble, fhe fpared her own • but, dear Mr. Idler, is it not as eafy to fay Coffee- Cups, as Pall-mall, and to tell me in plain words what 1 am to do, and when it is to be done, as to torment her own head with the labour of finding hints, and mine with that of underfland- ing them ? When firft I came to this Lady, I had no- thing like the learning that I have now ; far Ihe has many books, and I have much time to read J, m fio8 THE IDLER. ^"46. read ; fo that of late I fcldom have milTed her meaiung; but when Ihe Hi ft took me, I was an ignorant girl,; and fhe, who, as is very common, confounded want of knowledge with want of underftanding, began once to defpair of bringing me to anything, becaufe, when I came into her chamber at the call of her bell,. Ihe aflcqd me, Ifh.ther we iivtd in Zembla, and I did not gucfs the meaning of her enquiry ;, but modeftly anfwered, that / could not tell,. She had happened to ring once when I did not hear her, and meant to put me in mind of thati country, where founds are faid to be congealed 1 By the froft. ^ Another time, as I was dreffing her head, flw began to talk on a fudden of Medufa^ and^ Snakes, and Men turned into Jione, ind.- eafy if he milled a night,, and importuned me to go with him. I went to a Tragedy which they called Macbeth, and, when I came home, told him, that I could not bear to fee men and wo- men make themfelves fuch fools, by pretending to be Witches and Ghofts, Generals and Kings, and to walk in their lleep when they were, a^s lauck awake as thofe that looked at them. He told is; Wl 212 THE IDLER. told me that I muft get higher notions, and that a Play was the moft rational of all entertain- ments, and moft proper to relax tlie mind after the bufinefs of the day. By degrees he gained knowledge of fome of the Players ; and, when the Flay was over, very fre- quently treated them with fuppers, for whieh he was admitted to ftand behind the fcenes. He foon began to lofe fomc of his morninjt hours m the lame folly, and was for one winter very diligent in his attendance on the Kehearfals ;- but of this fpccics of idlcnefs he grew weary, and faid, that the Play was nothing without the company. His ardour for the diveriibn of the evening in-- creafed ; he bought a fv^^ord, and paid five fhil- lings a night to fit in the Boxes ; he went fomc- times into a place which he calls the Green- room, where all the Wits of the age affemble ; and, when he had been there, could do nothing, for two or three days,, but repeat their jefts, or tell their difputes. He has now loft his regard for every thing but the Play-houfej he invites, three times a week, one or other to drink claret, and talk of the Drama. His firft care in the morning is to read the Play-bills; and, if he remembers any lines ot the Tragedy which is to be reprefented, walks about the Ihop, repeating them fo loud, and. with and that itertain- Hid afcer [le of the very fre- i^hich lie [Homing s winter iicarfals ; ary, and tout the tiing in- ive ftiil- It fome- Green- [femble ; lothing, jefls, or »ing but a week, of the to read ly lines 1, walks L:d, and with N*47- THE IDLER. ^,3 with fuch flrange gcftnres, that the pafTcngeri gather round the door. His grcateft pleafure, when I married him, was to hear the fituation of his (hop commended| and to be told how many eftates have been got in it by the fame trade ; but of late he grows peevifli at any mention of bufincfs, and delights in nothing fo much as to be told that he fpeaks Jike Mofop, Among his new aflbciates, he has learned ano- ther language, and fpeaks in fuch a ftrain, that his neighbours cannot underfland him. Ifacuf- tomer talks longer than he is willing to hear, he will complain that he has been excruciated with unmeaning verbofity ; he laughs at the letters of his friends for their tamencfs of expreffion, and often declares himfelf weary of attending to the minutia; of a fhop. It is well for me that I know how to keep a book, for of late he is fcarcely ever in the way: Since one of his friends told him that he had a genius for Tragick Poetry, he has locked himfelf in an upper room fix or k\en hours a day ; and when I carry him any paper to be read or Cgned, I hear him talking vehemently to himfelf, fome- times of Love and Beauty, fometimes ofFriend- fhip and Virtue, but more frequently of Liberty and his Country. I would gladly, Mr. IMer, be informed what to think of a Ihopkeeper, who is inceflantly talking Id 214 THE IDLER, N'* 47. talking about Liberty; a word, which, Tmce his acquaintance with polite hfe, my Hufband has always in his mouth ; he is, on all occafions, afraid of our Liberty, and declares his rcfolution to hazard all for Liberty. What can the man mean ? I am fure he has Liberty enough ; it were better for him and me if his Liberty was leflcned. He has a Friend, whom he calls aCritick, that comes twice a week to read what he is writing. This Critick tells him that his piece is a little irregular, but that fome detached fcenes will Ihine prodigioufly, and that in the chara£ler of Bombulus he is wonderfully great. My Scrib- bler then fqueezes his hand, calls him the bell of Friends, thanks him for his linccrity, and tells him that he hates to be flattered. 1 have rea- fon to believe that he feldom parts with his dear Friend without lending him two guineas, and am afraid that he gave bail for him three days ago. By this courfe of life our credit as Traders is kffened ; and I cannot forbear to fufpe£l, that my Hulband's honour as a Wit is not much ad- vanced, for he feems to be always the loweft of the company, and is afraid to tell his opinion till the reft have fpoken. When he was behind his counter, he ufed to be briik, aftive, and jocu- lar, like a man that knew what he was doing, and did not fear to look another in the face ; but 4 among 1, liiice iufband icaiions, folutiou he mail ugh ; it rty was ick, that ATriting. a little les will after of ^ Scrib- the bell ty, and lave rea- his dear ;as, and ee days raders is £t, that luch ad- oweft of nion till lind his nd jocu- j doing, ace ; but among ^^•47. THE IDLER. 215 among iVits and Ciitlcks he is timorous and aiikward, and hangs down his head at his own t^ble. Dear Mr. IdUr^ perfuade him, if you can, to return once more to his native element. Tell him, that Wit will never make him ricli, but that there arc places where riches will always make a Wit. I am, Sir, &c. DiiBORAii Ginger, m^M V*4>>VII«i Numb. 48. Saturday, March 17, 1759. THERE is no kind of idlenefs, by which we are.fo eaiily feduced, as that which digni- fies itfelf by the appearance of bufmefs, and by making the loiterer imagine that he has fome- thing to do which muft not be negleded, keeps him in perpetual agitation, and hurries him ra- pidly from place to place. He that fits flill, or repofcs himfelf upon a couch, no more deceives himfelf than he de- ceives others ; he knows that he is doing no- thing, and has no other folace of his infignifi- cance than the refolution, which the lazy hourly make, of changing his mode of life. To do nothing, every man is afhamed j and to do much, almoft every man is unwilling or afraid. Innumerable expedients have therefore iai6 THE IDLER. N^4S. Itccii invented, to produce motion without labour, and employment without folicitude. The greater part of thofe whom the kindnefs of for- tune has left to their own direftion, and whom want does not keep chained to the counter or the plow, play throughout life with the fhadows of bufinefs, and know not at laft what they have been doing. Thefe imitators of a«Slion are of all denomina- tions. Some are feen at every Auftion without intention to purchafe ; others appear pun£lually at the Exchange, though they are known there only by their faces. Some are always making parties, to vifit colle£i:ions for which they have no tafte ; and fome negled every pleafure and every duty, to hear queftions, in which they have no intcrefl, debated in Parliament. Thefe men never appear more ridiculous than in the diftrefs which they imagine them- felves to feel, from fome accidental interruption of thofe empty purfuits. A Tiger newly impri- foned is indeed more formidable, but not more angry, than Jack Tulip with- held from a Florift's feaft, or Tom Dijiich hindered from feeing the firft reprcfentation of a Play. As political affairs are the highcft and moft extenfive of temporal concerns; the mimick of a Politician is more bufy and important than any other trifler. Monfieur le Noir, a man who, without nrnnerty or imDortance in any corner of the I i' t labour, . The s of for- d whom er or the idows of ley have nomina- without iiiftually vn there making liey have fure and ich they diculons e them- rruption y impri- lot more Florift's sing the ind moft imick of lilt than an who, ;orner of the K^4S. THE IDLER. ir; the earth, has, in the prefent confufion of the world, declared himfelf a fteady adherent to the French, is made miferable by a wind that keeps back the packet-boat, and ftiU more miferable by every account of a Malouin privateer caught in his cruize. He knows well that nothing can be done or faid by him which can produce any effea but that of laughter, that he can neither haften nor retard good or evil, that his joys and forrows have fcarely any partakers ; yet fuch is his zeal, and fuch his curiofity, that he would run barefooted to Grave/end, for the fake of knowing firft that the Engli/h had loft a tender, and would ride out to meet every mail from the Continent if he might be permitted to open it. Learning is generally confefled to be defireable, and there are fome who fancy themfelves always bufy in acquiring it. Of thefe ambulatory Stu- dents, one of the moft bufy is my friend Tom Rejilefs. Tom has long had a mind to be a m^.n of knowledge, but he does not care to fpend much time among .Authors ; for he is of opinion that few books deferve the labour of perufal, that they give the mind an unfafhionable caft, and deftroy thait freedom of thought and ealinefs of manners indifpenfably requifite to acceptance in the world. Tom has therefore found another way to wifdom. When he rifes he goes into a Cof- fee -houfe, where he creeps fo near to men whom Vol. I. L he ii*8 THE IDLER. ^"^ 4^ he takes fo be reafoners as to hear their difcourfc, and endeavours to remember fomething which, when it has been llrained through T