j^^ V Pi*. ^^ IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) i^c // A%^ 1p7^ /A* ^, 1.0 I.I 11.25 u Hi 12.2 2.0 ul 1.4 ij^ 1^ Sciences Corporation 23 WIST MAIN STRUT WnSTn,N.Y. 14510 ( 71* ) •72-4303 •<^ CIHM/ICMH Series. CIHM/ICMH Collection de microfiches. Canadian Institute for Historical iVIicroraproductions / Institut Canadian da microraproductions historiquos Technical «nI»>' >fi-v^fr-mi^^ MkVt. a<'^l- STllEET. r- ' P I; . >•' •»,. % ■'i^-'^- .A i' -..^m '■ *'( ;''-'^'"-. ''' ^ il|BWf|jJ£? ;'■' jtJpSKj'f*'''. 0- J:^^^-*«^^ ' -' .N /■ , '-^,'.' , *l;j "W/ /^ 't^;- . w» V,. • $': t '■'("' -1; :... I ■"■:?*'•; ■'^-«^¥;^;^ /tW-i NATURE AND HUMAN NATURE THE AUTHOR OF "SAM SLICK, THE CLOCKMAKER," ETC. ETC. I Hominem, pagina nostra sapit.— Mabt. Eye natures'B walks, shoot folly as It flies. And catch the mannen living as they rise.— Fopi. LONDON: HURST AND BLACKETT, LIMITED, 13, GREAT MARLBOROUGH STREET. ^^ P5e^IS- /9^^/l/3 /f» XVIU. HOLDING UP THE MIBBO& XIX. THE BUNDLE OF STICKS .. XX. TOWN AND COUNTBY .. .. r, XXI. THE HONEYMOON ., XXIL A DISH OF CLAMS XXIIL THE devil's HOLE; OB, HSH AND FLESH XXIV. THE CUCUMBEK LAKE XXV. TUB BECALL • • . . ♦^i" • ♦i-. *» »,♦■ TAon 180 197 20C 223 238 254 264 270 290 304 814 3^1 r^' I -m ; \ ' f \\ ' / TAr.n .. 180 .. 197 .. 20C .. 223 .. 238 .. 254 .. 264 .. 270 .. 290 .. 304 .. 814 . . 3^.1 :: r ■♦ '7 NATFKE AND HUMAN NATUEE CHAPTER I. A 8UBFBISE. Thinks I to myself, as I overheard a person inquire of the servant at the door, in an unmistakeable voice and tone, " Is the Squire to hum?" that can be no one else than my old frier d Sam Slick the Clockmaker. But it could admit of no doubt when he proceeded, " If he is, tell him / am here." "Whoshalllsay, Sir?" The stranger paused a moment, and then said, " It's svJh an everlastin' long name, I don't think you can carry it all to wunst, and I don't want it broke in two. Tell him it's a gentle- man that calculates to hold a protracted meeten here to-night. Come,dc I't stand starin' there on the track, you might get run over. Don't you htar the engtwc coming ? Shunt off now." " Ah, my old friend," said I, advancing, and shaking him by the hand, " how are you ? " " As hearty as a buck," he replied, " though I can't jist jump quite so high now." " I knew you," I said, " the moment I heard your voice, and if I had not recognised that, I should have known your talk." " That's because I am a Yankee, Sir," he said, " no two of us look alike, or talk alike ; but being free and enlightened citizens, we jist talk as we please." " Ah, my good friend, you always please when you talk, and that is more than can be said of most men." " And so will you," he replied, " if you use soft sawder that way. Oh, dear me! it seems but the other day that you laughed so at my theory of soft sawder and human natui*', don't it ? They were pleasant days, warn't they ? I often think oil them, and think of them Tvith pleasure too. As I was passing Halifax X A SURPRISE. harbour, on my Wh/ hum in the * Black Hawk,' the wind fortunately came ahead, and thinks I to myself, I will put in there, and pull foot* for Winds^jr and see the Squire, give him my Journal, and spend an hour or two with him once more. So here I am, at least what is left of me, and dreadful glad I am to see you too ; but as it is about your dinner hour I will go and titivate up a bit, and then we will have a dish of chat for desert, and cigars to remind us of by-gones, as we stroll through your shady walks here." My old friend had worn well ; he was still a wiry athletic man, and his step as elastic and springy as ever. The constant exercise he had been in the habit of taking had preserved his health and condition, and these in their turn had enabled him to maintain his cheerfulness and humour. The linc^ in his face were somewhat deeper, and a few straggling grey hairs were the only traces of the hand of time. His manner was much improved by his intercourse with the great world ; but his phraseology, in which he appeared to take both pride and pleasure, was much the same as when I first knew him. So little indeed was he changed, that I could scarcely believe so many years had elapsed since we made our first tour together. It was the most unexpected and agreeable visit. He en- livened the conversation at dinner with anecdotes that were often too much for the gravity of my servant, who once or twice left the room to avoid explosive outbreaks of laughter. Among others, he told me the following whimsical story. " "When the ' Black Hawk ' was at Causeau, we happened to have a queer original sort of man, a Nova Scotia doctor, on board, who joined our party at Ship Harbour, for the purpose of tak- ing a cruise with us. Not having anything above particular ';o do, w^e left the vessel and took passage in a coaster for Prince Edward's Island, as my commission required me to spend a da v or two there, and inquire about the fisheries. Well, although I don't trade now, I spekelate sometimes when I see a right smart chance, and especially if there is fun in the trar.saction. So, sais I, ' Doctor, I will play possum t with these folks, and take a rise out of them, that will astonish their weak narves, / know, while I put several hundred dollars in my pocket at the same time." So I advertised that I would give four pounds ten • The Americans are not entitled to the credit or ridicule, whichever people may be disposed to bestow upon them, for the extraordinary phrases with which their conversation is occasionally embellished. Some of them have good classical authority. That of *' pull-foot " may be traced to Eu- ripides, avaipojv Ik Swfiarujv Tro^d. J The opossum, when chased by dogs, will often pretend to be dead, and thu;9 deceives his pursuers. A SURPRISE. 8 Bhilling8 for the largest Hackmetack knee in the island, four pounds for the second, three pounds ten shillings for the third, and three pounds for the fourth biggest one. I suppose. Squire, vou know what a ship's knee is, don't you ? It is a crooked i*)ieee of timber, exactly the shape of a man's leg when kneeling. [t forms two sides of a square, and makes a grand fastening for the side and deck beams of a vessel. " ' AVhat in the world do you want of only four of those knees ? ' said the Doctor. " ' Nothing,' said I, * but to raise a laugh on these critters, and make them pay real handsome for the joke.' " Well, every bushwhacker and forest ranger in the island thought he knew where to find four enormous ones, and that he woidd go and get them, and say nothing to nobody, and all that morning fixed for the delivery they kept coming into the shipping place with them. People couldn't think what under the light of the living sun was going on, for it seemed as if every team in the province was at work, and all the country- men were running mad on junipers. Perhaps no livin' soul ever see such a beautiful collection of ship-timber afore, and I am sure never will again in a crow's age. The way these * old oysters ' (a nick-name I gave the islanders, on account of their everlastin' beds of this shell-fish) opened their mugs and gapeA was a caution to dying v-dlves. "At the time appointed, there were eight hundred sticks on the ground, the very best in the colony. AVell, I went very gravely round and selected the four largest, and paid for them cash down on the nail, according to contract. I'l.e goiieys seed their fix, but didn't know how they got into it. They didn't think bard of me, for I advertised for four stivics only, and I (^ave a very high price for theiu ; but they did think a little mean 3f themselves, that's a fact, for each man had but four pieces, and they were too ridiculous large for the tliimderin' small vessels built on the island. They scratched their heads in a way that was harrowing, even in a stubble field. " ' My gracious,' sais I, ' hackmetacks, it seems to me, is as thick m this country as blackberries in the Fall, after tlie robins have left to go to sleep for the winter. AVhi' on earth would hnvc thought there was so many here ? Oli, children of Israel ! "What a lot there ib, ain't there ? AVhy, the father of this island couldn't hold them all.' "'Father of this i?land,' sais they, *who is he?' "♦Why,' sais I, 'ain't this Prince Edward's ?' " ' Why, yes,' sais they, looking still more puzzled. 4 A SURPRISE. " * "Well/ sais I, * in the middle of Halifax harbour is King George's Island, and that must be the father of this.' "Well if they could see anjr wit in that speech, it is more than I could, to save my soul ahve ; but it is the easiest thing in the world to set a crowd off a tee-heeing. They can't help it, for it is electrical. Oo to the circus now, and j^ou will hear a stupid joke of the clown ; well, you are determined you won't laugh, but somehow you can't help it no how you can fix it, although you are mad with yourself for doing so, and you just roar out and are as big a fool as all the rest. " Well it made them laugh, and that was enough for me. " Sais I, * the wust of it is, gentlemen, they are all so shock- ing large, and there is no small ones among them ; they can't be divided into lots, still, as you seem to be disappointed, I wdll make you an offer for them, cash down, all hard gold.' So I gave them a bid at a very low figure, say half nothing, * and,* sais I, * I advise you not to take it, they are worth much more, if a man only knows what to do with them. Some of your traders, I make no manner of doubt, will give you twice as much if you will only take your pay in goods, at four times their value, and perhaps they mightent like your selling them to a stranger, for they are all responsible government-men, and act accordin' ' to the well understood wishes of the people.' I shall sail iji two hours, and you can let me know ; but mind, I can only buy all or none, for I shall have to hire a vessel to carry them. After all,' sais I, 'perhaps we had better not trade, for,' taking out a handful of sovereigns from my pocket, and jingling them, ' there is no two ways about it ; these little fellows are easier to carry by a long chalk than them great Inmmokin' hackmetacks. Good bye, gentlemen.^ " Well, one of the critters, who was as awkward as a wrong boot, soon calls out, *woh,' to me, so I turns and sais 'well, "old boss," what do you want ?' At which they laughed louder than before. " Sais he, *we have concluded to take your offer.' " ' Well,' sais I, ' there is no back out in me, here is your money, the knees is mine.' So I shipped them, and had the satisfaction to oblige them, and put two hundred and fifty pounds in my pocket. There are three things, Squire, I like in a spekelation : — First. A fair shake ; Second. A fair profit ; and Third, a fair share of fun." In the course of the afternoon, he said, " Squire, I have brought you my Journal, for I thought when I was a startin' off, as there were some things I should like to point out to my old friend, it would be as well to deliver it myself and mention .■/. A SURPRISE. ft them, for what in natur' is the good of letter writing ? In business there is nothing like a good face to face talk. Now, Squire, I am really what I assume to be — I am, in fact, Sam Slick the Clockmaker, and nobody else. It is of no conse- quence however to the world whether this is really my name or an assumed one. If it is the first, it is a matter of some im- portance to take care of it and defend it ; if it is a fictitious one, it is equally so to preserve my incognito. I may not choose to give my card, and may not desire to be known. A satirist, like an Irishman, finas it convenient sometimes to shoot from behind a shelter. Like him, too, he may occasion- ally miss his shot, and firing with intent to do bodily harm is almost as badly punished as if death had ensued. And besides, an anonymous book has a mystery about it. Moreover, what more right has a man to say to you, * Stand and deliver your name,' than to say, 'Stand and fork out your purse' — I can't see the difierence for the life of me. Hesitation betrays guilt. If a person inquires if you are to home, the servant is directed to say No, if you don't want to be seen, and choose to be among the missing. Well, if a feller asks if I am the Mr Slick, I have just as good a right to say, ' Ask about and find out.' "People sometimes, I actilly believe, take you for me. ]f they do, all I have to say is they are fools not to know better, for we neither act alike, talk alike, nor look alike, though per- haps we may think alike on some subjects. You was bred and bom here in Nova Scotia, and not in Connecticut, and if they ask you where I was raised, tell them I warn't raised at all, but was found one fine morning pinned across a clothes line, after a heavy washing to hum. It is easy to distinguish an editor from the author, if a reader has half an eye, and li' he hain't got that, it's no use to ofier him spectacles, that's a fact. Now, by trade I am a clockmaker, and by birth I have the honour to be a Yankee. I use the word honour, Squire, a purpose, because I know what I am talking about, which I am sorry to say is not quite so common a thing in the world as people suppose. The English call aU us Americans, Yankees, because they don't know what they are talking about, and are not aware that it is only the inhabitants of New England who can boast of that appellation.* • Brother Jonathan is the general term for all. It originated thus. When Genoral Washington, after being appointed commander of tlie array of the Eevohitionary War, came to Massachusetts to organize it, and make prepar- ations for tlic defence of the country, he found a great wiint of ammunition and other CK'aiis necessary to meet the poweil'dl I'oe ho had to contend with. ■^ r- A SURPRISE. " The southerners, who are both as proud and as sarcy as the British, call us Eastern folk Yankees as a term of reproach, because having no slaves, we are obliged to be our own niggers and do our own work, which is'nt considered very genteel, and as we are intelligent, enterprising, and skilful, and therefore too often credi:.or8 of our more luxurious countrymen, they do not like us the better for that, and not being Puritans them- selves, are apt to style us sccmfully, those * d — d Yankees.' " Now all this comes of their not knowing what they are talking about. Even the New Englanders themselves, cute as they be, often use the word foolishly ; for, Squire, would you believe it, none of them, though they answer to and acknoAv- ledge the appellation of Yankee with pride, can tell you its ori- gin. I repeat, therefore, I have the honour to be a Yankee. I don't mean to say that word is ' all same,' as the Indians say, as perfection ; far from it, for we have some peculiarities com- mon to us all. Cracking and boasting is one of these. Now braggin' comes as natural to me as scratchin' to a Scotchman. I am as fond of rubbing myself agin the statue of George the Third, as he is of se-sawing his shoulders on the mile-stones of the Duke of Argyle. Each in their way were great benefact- ors, the one by teaching the Yankees to respect themselves, and the other by putting his countrymen in an upright posture of happiness. So I can join hands with the North Briton, and bless them both. "^ " With this national and nateral infirmity therefore, is it to be wondered at if, as my ' Sayings and Doings ' have become more popular than you or I ever expected, that I should crack and boast of them ? I think not. If I have a claim, my rule is to go ahead with it. Now don't leave out my braggin'. Squire, because you are afraid people will think it is you speaking, and not me, or because you thmk it is bad taste as you call it. I know what I am at, and don't go it — blind. My Journal con- tains much for my own countrymen as well as the English, for and great difBculty to obtain them. If attacked in such condition, the cause at once might be hopeless. On one occasion at that anxious period, a consult- ation of the officers and others was had, when it seemed no way could be de- vised to make such preparations as was necessary. His Excellency Jonathan Trumbull, the elder, was then Governor of the State of Connecticut, on whose judgment and aid the General placed the greatest reliance, and remarked, " "We must consult 'Brother Jonathan' on the subject." The General did so, and the Governor was successful in supplying many of the wants of the army. When difficulties arose, and the army was spread, over the country, it became a by-word, " "We must consult Brother Jonathan." The term Yankee is still applied to a portion, but '• Brother Jonathan " has now become a designation of the whole country, as John Bull is for England.— Bartlett's American- isms. SIEKICAN- A SURPRISE. 7 we expect every American abroad to sustain the reputation in himself of our great nation. "Now our Minister to Victoria's Court, when he made his brag speech to the great agricultural dinner at Glou- cester last year, d'dn't intend that for the British, but for us. So in Congress no man in either house can speak or read an oration more than an hour long, but he can send the whole lockrum, includiri' what he didn't say, to the papers. One has to brag before foreign aase mblies, the other before a Congress, but both have an eye to the feelings of the Americans at large, and their own constituents in particular. Now that is a trick others know as well as we do. The Irish member from Kil- mant/, and him from Kilmore, when he brags there never was a murder in either, don't expect the English to believe it, for he is availed they know better, but the brag pleases the patriots to home, on account of its impudence. " So the little man. Lord Bunkum, when he opens Oxford to Jew and Gentile, and offers to make Bothschild Chancellor in- stead of Lord Derby, and tells them old dons, the heads of col- leges, as pdlite as a stage-driver, that he does it out of pure re- gard to them, and only to improve the University, don't expect them to believe it ; for he gives them a sly vnnk when he says so, as much as to say, how are you off for Hisbrew, my old sep- tuagenarians ? Droll boy is Rothey, for though he comes from the land of Sam, he don't eat pork. But it pleases the sarcum- sised Jew, and the unsarcumsised tag-rag and bobtail that are to be admitted, and who verily do believe (for their bump of conceit is largely developed) that they can improve the Colleges by granting educational excursion tickets. " So Paddy O'Shonnosey the member for Blarney, when Le votes for smashing in the porter's lodges of that Protestant in- stitution, and talks of Toleration and Equal Bights, and calls the Duke of Tuscany a broth of a boy, and a light to illumine heretical darkness, don't talk this nonsense to please the outs or ins, for he don't care a snap of his finger for either of them, nor because he thinks it right, for it's plain he don't, seeing that he would fight till he'd run away before Maynooth shoidd be sarved arter that fashion ; but he does it, because he knows it; will please him, or them, that sent him there. *' There are two kinds of boastin'. Squire, active and -passive. The former belongs exclusively to my countrymen, and the lat- ter to the British. A Yankee openly asserts and loudly pro- claims his superiority. John Bull feels and looks it. He don't give utterance to this conviction. He takes it for granted all the world knows and admits it, and he is so thoroughly persuaded I 8 A SURPRISE. of it himself, that, to use his own favourite phra«e, he don't cnre a fig if folks don't admit it. His vanity, therefore, has a sublim- ity m it. He thinks, as the Italians say, ' that when nature formed him, she broke the mould.' There never was, never can, and never wiU be, another like him. His boastin', therefore, is passive. He shows it and acts it ; but he don't proclaim it. He condescends and is gracious, patronizes and talks down to you. Let my boastin' alone theref jre, Squire, if you please. You know what it means, what bottom it has, and whether the plaster sticks on the right spot or not. " So there is the first division of my subject. Now for ihe second. But don't go off at half-cock, narvous like. I am not like the black preacher that had forty-eleven divisions. I have only a few more remarks to make. Well, I have observed that in editin' my last Journal, you struck out some scores I made under certain passages and maxims, because you thought they were not needed, or looked vain. I know it looks consaited as well as you do, but I know their use also. I have my own views of things. Let them also be as I have made them. They wam't put there for nothin'. I have a case in pint that runs on all fours with it, as brother Josiah the lawyer used to say, and if there was anythin' wantin' to prove that lawyers were not strait up and d )wn in their dealings, that expression would show it. " I was to court wunst to Slickville, when he was addressin* of the jury. The main points of his argument he went over and over again, till I got so tired I took up my hat and walked out. Sais I to him, arter court was prorogued and members gone home, " ' Sy,' sais I, * why on airth did you repeat them arguments 80 often ? It was everlastin' yamy.' " ' Sam,' sais he, and he gave his head a jupe, and pressed his lips close, like a lemon-squeezer, the way lawyers always do wh'^n they want to look wise, * when I can't drive a nail with one hloio, I hammer away till I do git it in. Some folks' heads is as hard as hackmetacks — you have to bore a hole in it first to put the nail in, to keep it from bendin', and then it is as much as a bargain if you can send it home and clinch it.' " Now maxims and saws are the sumtotalisation of a thing. Folks won't always add up the columns to see if they are footed right, but show 'em the amount and result, and that they are able to remember and carry away with thc^n. No — no, put them Italics in, as I have always done. They show there is truth at the bottom. I lilve it, for it's what I call sense on the short- cards — do you talie ? Eecollect always, you are not Sam Slick, and I am not you. The greatest compliment a Britisher would A SURPRISE. 9 think he could pay you, would be to say, ' I should have taken you for an Engtighman.' Now the ^atest compliment he can pay me is to take me for a Connecticut Clockmaker, who hoed his way up to the Embassy to London, and preserved so much of his nationality, after being so long among foreigners. Let the Italics be — you ain't answerable for them, nor my boastin* neither. When you write a book of your own, leave out both if you like, but as you only edit my Journal, if you leave them out, ju8t go one step further, and leave out Sam Slick also. " There is another thing, Squire, upon which I must make a remark, if you will bear with me. In r last work you made me speak purer English than you found in my Journal, and al- tered my phraseology, or rather my dialect. Now, my dear Nippent — " " Nippent ! " said I, " what is that ?" " The most endearing word in the Indian language for friend," he said, "only it's more comprehensive, including ally, foster- brother, life-preserver, ahaft-norse, and everything that has a human tie in it." " Ah, Slick," I said, " how skilled you are in soft sawder ! You laid that trap for me on purpose, so that I might ask the question, to enable you to throw the lavender to me." " Dod drot that word soft sawder," said he, " I wish I had never invented it. I can't say a civil thing to anybody now, but he looks arch, as if he had found a mare's nest, and says, * Ah, Slick ! none of your soft sawder now.' But, my dear nip- pent, by that means you destroy my individuality. I cease to be the genuine itinerant Yankee Clockmaker, and merge into a very bad imitation. You know I am a natural character, and always was, and act and talk naturally, and as far as I can judge, the little alteration my sojourn in London with the American embassy has made in my pronunciation and provin- cialism, is by no means an improvement to my Journal. The moment you take away my native dialect, I become the repre- sentative of another class, and cease to be your old friend ' Sam Slick, the Clockmaker.' Bear with me this once. Squire, and don't tear your shirt, I beseech you, for in all probability it mil be the last time it will be in your power to subject me to the ordeal of criticism, and I should like, I confess, to remain true to myself and to Nature to the last. " On the other hand. Squire, you -will find passages in this Journal that have neither Yankee words nor Yankee brag in them. Now pray don't go as you did in the last, and alter them by insarten here and there what you call ' Americanisms,' so as to make it more in character and uniform; that is going lo ■frrr*•i'.rav;fXA*^•ff^*^^f;^•J^-»'*•'*■*'► ' »>i'>«»«ifV^.j«« ■'' 'mW- !J4.** »-l-»«-Pi«^-- A SirilPRISE. 11 and mother used them, ntid so did all the olJ folks to Slickville. There is both fim, sense, and expression in 'em too, and that is more than th 're is in Tiitly's, Pat's, or Sawney's broj»ue either. The one enriehes and enlarges the voeabulary, the other is nothing but broken English, and so confoundedly broken too, you can't put the pieces together sometimes. Again, my writing, when I freeze down solid to it, is just as much in character as the other. Recollect this — Every woman in our country who has a son knows that he may, and thinks that he will, become President of the United States, and that thought and that chance make that boy superior to any of his class in Europe. " And now, Squire," saii he, " I believe there has been enough said about myself and tr.y Journal. Sposen we drink success to the ' human nature,' or ' men and things,' or what- ever other name you select for this Journal, and then we will talk of something else." "I will drink that toast," I said, "with all my heart, and now let me ask you how you have succeeded in your mission about the fisheries ?" " First rate," he replied ; " we have them now, and no mistake!" " By the treaty ?" I inquired. " No," he said, " I have discovered the dodge, and we shall avail of it at once. By a recent local law foreigners can hold real estate in this province now. And by a recent Act of Par- liament our vessels can obtain British registers. Between these two privileges, a man don't deserve to be called an American who can't carry on the fisheries in spite of all the cruisers, revenue officers, and prohibitary laws under the sun. It is a peaceable and quiet way of getting possession, and far better than fighting for them, while it comports more with the dignity of our great and enlightened nation." " What do you think," I said, " of the Elgin treaty as a bargain ? " After some hesitation, he looked up and smiled. "We can't complain," said he. "As usual we have got hold of the right eend of the rope, and got a vast deal more than we expected. The truth is, the English are so fond of trade, and so afraid of war, if we will only give them cotton and flour at a fair price, and take their manufactures in return, we can bully them into anythin' almost. It is a positive fact, there were fifty deserters from the British army taken off" of the wreck of the ' San Francisco,' and carried to England. John Bull pretended to wink at it, hired a steamer, and sent them all out again to us. Lord ! how our folks roared when they f\ 12 A SURPRISE. heard it; and an for tho President, he laughed like a hyena over a dead ni;;ger. Law sakcs alive man I Make a question between our nation and Endand about fifty desartera, and if the ministers of the day only dared to talk of fighting, the members of all the manufactoren towns in England, the cotton- ocracy of Great Britain, would desert too! " It's nateral, as an American, I should be satisfied with the treaty ; but I'll tell you what I am sorry for. I am grieved we asked, or your Governor- General gi-auted, a right to us to land on these shores and make our fisn. Lord Elgin ought to have known that every foot of the sea-coast of Nova Scotia has been granted, and is now private property. " To concede a privilege to land, with a proviso to respect the rights of the owner, is nonsense. This comes of not sending a man to negociate who is chosen by the people, not for his rank, but for his ability and knowledge. The fact is, I take blame to myself about it, for I was pumped who would do best and be most acceptable to us Americans. I was afeared they would send a Billingsgate contractor, who is a plaguy sight more posted up about fisheries than any member ot parliament, or a clever colonist (not a party man), and they know more than both the others put togetht • ; and I dreaded if they sent either, there would be a quid pro quo, as Josiah says, to be given, afore we got the fisheries, if we ever got them at all. * So,' sais I, out of a bit of fun, for I can't help taken a rise out of folks no how I can fix it, * send us a lord. We are mighty fond of noblemen to Washington, and toady them first-rate. It will please such a man as Pierce to show nim so much respect as to send a peer to him. He will get whatever he asks.' " Well, they fell into the trap beautiful. They sent us one, and we roAved him up to the very head waters of Salt River in no time.* But I am sorry we asked the privilege to land and cure fish. I didn't think any created critter would have granted that. Yes, I foresee trouble arising out of this. Suppose * Cayenne Pepper,' as we call the captain that commanded the * Cayenne' at Grey Town, was to come to a port in Nova Scotia, ♦ To row up Salt River is a common phrase, used generally to denote po- litical defeat. The distance to which a party is rowed up Salt River depends entirely xipon the magnitude of the majority against him. If the defeat is overwhelming, the unsuccessful party is said " to be rowed up to the very head waters of Salt River.'' The phrase has its origin in the fact that there is a small stream of that name in Kentucky, the passage of which is made dif- ficult and laborious, as well by its tortuous course as by numerous shallows and bars. The real application of the phrase is to the xmhappy wight who propels the boat, but politically, in slang usage, it means the man rowed up, the passenger — I. Inman. ,,.I' -■•VftftsL>*»i». A SURPRISE. 18 and pepper it for iniultin* our flafi; by apprrlipnden trcupasiiert (though how a constable is to arrest a crew of twenty men un- less, irishman like, ho surrounds them, is a mystery to me). What would be done in that case P Neither you nor 1 can teU, Squire. But depend upon it, there is a temnestical time comin', and it is as well to be on the safe side of the fence when there is a chance of kicking going on. "The bombardment of Orey Town was the greatest and bravest exploit of modem times. We silenced their guns at the first broadside, and shut them up so sudden that envious folks like the British now swear they had none, while wo lost only one man in the engagement, but he was drunk and fell over- board. What is the cannonade of Sebastopool to that ? Why it sinks into insignificance." He had hardly ceased speaking, when the wheels of a car- riage were heard rapidly approaching the door. Taking out his watch, and observing the hour, he said: "Squire, it is now eleven o'clock. I must be a movin'. Good bve ! I am off to Halifax. I am goin* to make a night flight ot it. The wind is fair, and I must sail by daylight to-morrow morning. Fare- weU!" He then shook hands most cordially with me, and said: " Squire, unless you feel inclined at some future day to make the tour of the States with me, or somethin' turns up I am not availed of, I am afraid you have seen the lost Journal of your old friend* Sam SHck.'" \ CHAPTEE II. CLIFFEBS AND BTEAMEBS. Whoeteb has taken the trouble to read the " Wise Saws " of IMr Slick, will be prepared to resume the thread of his nar- rative without explanation, if indeed these unconnected selec- tions deserve the appellation. But as this work may fall into the hands of many people who never saw its predecessor, it may be necessary to premise that our old friend Sam, having received a commission from the President of the United States to visit the coast of Nova Scotia, and report to him fully on the state of the fisheries, their extent and value, the manner in which they were prosecuted, and the best mode of obtaining a 14 CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. Ill ^participation in them, he proceeded on his cruise in a trading vessel, called the " Black Hawk," whereof Timoth^ Cutler was master, and Mr Eldad Nickerson the pilot. The two preceding volumes contained his adventures at sea, and in the harbours of the province, to the westward of Halifax. The present work is devoted to his remarks on " nature and human nature." While amusing himself fishing within three mUes of the coast, off La Halve, in contravention of the treaty, he narrowly escaped capture by the British cruiser " Spitfire," commanded by Captain Stoker. By a skilful manoeuvre, he decoyed the man-of-war, in the eagerness of the chase, on to a sand-bar, when he dexterously slipt through a narrow passage between two islands, and keeping one of them in a line between the " Black Hawk " and her pursuer, so as to be out of the reach of her guns, he steered for the eastern shore of Nova Scotia, and was soon out of sight of the islands behind which his enemy lay embedded in the sand ; from this point the narrative is resumed in Mr Slick's own words.* \ " 1 guess," said I, " Captain, the ' Spitfire ' will have to put into Halifax to report herself and be surveyed, so we may pursue our course in peace. But this 'Black Hawk' is a doll, ain't she ? don't she skim over the w?ter like a sea gull? The truth is, Cutler, when you ain't in a hurry, and want to enjoy yourself at sea, as I always do, foi' I am a grand sailor, give me a clipper. She is so light and buoyant, and the motion so elastic, it actilly exilerates your spirits. There is something like life in her gait, and you have her in hand like a horse, and vou feel as if you were her master, and directed her movements. 1 ain't sur3 you don't seem as if yc; were pirt of her yourself. Then there is room to saow skUl and seamanship, and if you don't in reality go as quick as a steamer, you seem to go faster, if there is no visible object to measure your speed by, and that is something, for the white foam on the leeward side rushes by you in rips, raps, and rainbows like Canadian rapids. " Then if she is an atrysilly t like this, and she is doing her prettiest, and actilly laughs again, she is so pleased, why you are satisfied, for you don't make the breeze, you take it as you find it, like all other good gifts of Providence, and say, ' ain't she going ii'ce wink, how she forges ahead, don't she ? ' Your attention iii kept alive, too, Avatchin' the wind, and trimmin' * His remarks on the fisheries I have wholly omitted, for they have now lost their interest. His observations on "nature and human nature" are alone retained, as they may be said to have a universal application. — Ed, •f The Atricilla, or laughing sea-gull. Its note resembles a coarse laugh. Hence its name. It is very common in the Bahamas. CUPPERS AND STEAMERS. 15 sail to it accordingly, aud the jolly *0h, heave oh,' of the sailors is music one loves to listen to, and if you wish to take a stretch for it in your cloak on deck, on the sunny or shady side of the companion-way, the breeze whistles a nice soft lullaby for you, and you are off in the land of Nod in no time." " Dreaming of Sophy CoUingwood,'* sais the Captain, " and the witch of Eskisooney, eh?" " Yes, dreamin' of bright eyes and amilin' faces, or an)rthin' else that's near and dear, for to my idea, the heart gives the subject for the head to think upon. In a fair ^dnd and a char- min' day like this, I never coiled up on the deck for a nap in my life, that I had'nt pleasant dreams. You feel as if you were at peace with all the world in general, and yourself in par- tikeler, and that it is very polite of folks to stay to home ashore, and let you and your friends enjoy yourselves without treadin' on your toes, and wakin' of you up if asleep, or a jostlin' of you in your turn on the quarter-deck, or over-hearin' of your conver- sation. "And ain't youalwaya ready foryour meals, and (?on't you walk into them in rael right do^^'n earnest ? Oh, nothing evei tastes so good to me as it does at sea. The appetite, like a sharp knife, makes the meat seem tender, and the sea air is a great friend of digestion, and always keeps company with it. Then you don't care to sit and drink after dinner as you do at an hotel of an idle day, for you want to go on deck, light your cigar, take a sweep round the horizon with your glass to see if there is any sail in sight, glance at the sky to ascertain if the breeze is likely to hold, and then bring yourself to anchor on a seat, and have a dish of chat for a dessert with the captain, if he is a man of books like you, Cutler, or a man of reefs, rocks, and sandbars, fish, cordwood, and smugglin', or collisions, wracks, and salvage, like the pilot. " Then, if you have a decent sample or two of passengers on board, you can discuss men and things, and women and no- things, law, physick, and divinity, or that endless, tangled ball of yarn, politicks, or you can swap anecdotes, and make your for- time in the trade. And by the same trail of thought we must give one or two of these Blue-Noses now and then a cast on board with us to draw them out. Well, if you want to read, you can go and turn in and take a book, and solitudinise to it, and there is no one to disturb you. I actilly learned French in a voyage to Calcutta, and German on my way home. I got enough for common use It warn't all pure gold; but it was kind of small change, and answered every purpose of trade or travel. Oh, it's no use a talk in'; where time ain't the main 16 CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. object, there's nothin' like a sailin' vessel to a man who ain't sea-sick, and such fellows ought to be cloriformed, put to bed, and left there till the voyage is over. They have no business to go to sea, if they are such foola as not to know how to enjoy themselves. " Then sailors are characters ; they are men of the world, there is great self-reliance in them. They have to fight their way in life through many trials and difficulties, and their trust is in God and their own strong arm. They are so much in their own clement, they seem as if they were born on the sea, cradled on its billows, and, like Mother Carey's chickens, delighted in its storms and mountain waves. They walk, talk, and dress difvierently from landsmen. They straddle as they pace the deck, sc as to brace the body and keep their trowsers up at the same time ; their gait is loose, and their dress loose, and their limbs loose ; indeed, they are rather too fond of slack. They climb like monkeys, and depend more on their paws than their legs. They tumble up, but never down. They count, not by fingers, it is tedious, but by hands ; they put a part for the whole, and call themselves hunds, for they are paid for the use of them, and not their heads. " Though they are two-handad they are not close-fisted fel- lows. They despise science, but are fond of practical knowledge. "When the sun is over the fo eyard, they know the time of day as well as the captain, and call for their grog, and when they lay back their heads, and turn up the bottom of the mug to the sky, they call it in derision taking an observation. But though they have many characteristics in common, there is an individuality in each that distinguishes him from the rest. He stands out in bold relief — I by myself, I. He feels and appre- ciates his importan je. He knows no plural. The word ' our ' belongs to landsmen ; * my ' is the sailor's phrase — my ship, my captain, my messmate, my watch on deck, * my eyes ! ' ' you lubber, don't you know that's me?^ I like to listen to their yarns and their jokes, and to hear them sing their simple ditties. The odd mixture of manliness and childishness — of boldness and superstitious fears ; of preposterous claims for wages and thought- less extravagance ; of obedience and discontent — all goes to make the queer compound called ' Jack.' How often have T laugh- ed over the fun of the forecastle in these small fore and aft packets of ourn ! ai,d I think I would back that place for wit against any bar-room in New Yorlc or New Orleans, and I be- lieve they take the rag off of all creation. " But the cook is my favourite. He is a scientific man, and so skilful in compounds, ho generally goes by the name of doc- .#1 ^V #M CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. 17 tor. I like the daily consultation with him ahout dinner : not that I am an epicure; hut at Bea, as the husiness nf life is eat- ing, it is as well to he master of one's calling. Indeed, it ap- pears to he a law of nature, that those who have mouths should understand what to put in them. It gratifies the doctor to con- fer with him, and who does it not please to he considered a man of importance ? He is therefore a member of the Privv Coun- cil, and a more useful member he is too than many Eight Hon- ourables I know of— who have more acres than ideas. The Board assembles after breakfast, and a new dish is a great item in the budget. It keeps people in good humour the rest of the day, and aftbrds topics for the table. To eat to support exist- ence is only fit for criminals. Bread and water will do that ; but to support and gratify nature at the same time is a noble effort of art, and well deserves the thanks of mankind. The cook too enlivens the consultation by telling marvellous stories about fitrange dishes he has seen. He has eaten serpents with the Siamese, monkeys in the West Indies, crocodiles and sloths in South America, and cats, rats, and dogs with the Chinese ; and of course, as nobody can contradict him, says they are de- licious. Like a bilmon, you must give him the line, even if it wearies you, before you bag him ; but when you do bring him to land his dishes are savoury. They have a relish that is peculiar to the sea, for where there is no garden, vegetables are altcays most prized. The glorious onion is duly valued, for as there is no mistress to be kissed, who will dare to object to its aroma ? " Then I like a Sunday at sea in a vessel like this, and a day like this, when the men are all clean and tidy, and the bell rings for prayers, and all hands are assembled aft to listen to the cap- tain as he reads the Church Service. It seems like a family scene. It reminds me of dear old Minister and days gone by, when he used to call, us round him, and repeated to us the promise 'that when two or three were gathered together in God 8 name, he would grant their request.' The only difference is, sailors are more attentive and devout than landsmen. They seem more conscious that they are in the Divine presence. They have little to look upon but the heavens above and the bound- less ocean around them. Both seem made on purpose for them — the sun to guide them by day, and the stars by night, the sea to bear them on its bosom, and the breeze to waft them on their course. They feel how powerless they are of themselves ; how frail their bark ; how dependent they are on the goodness and mercy of their Creator, and that it is He alone who can rule the tempest and control the storuiy deep. Their impres- 2 \ CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. sions are few, but they are strong. It is the world that hard- ens tlie heart, and the ocean seems apart from it. " They are noble fellows, sailors, and I love them ; but, Cut- ler, how are they used, especially where they ought to be treated best, on board of men-of-^iar ? The moment a ship arrives in port, the anchor cast and the sails furled — what dees the captain do ? the popular captain too, the idol of the men ; he who is so kind and so fond of them ? Why, he calls them aft, and says, • Here, my lads, here is lots of cash for you, now be oft' ashore and enjoy yourselves.' And they give three cheers for their noble commander — tlieir good-hearted ojBicer — the sailor's friend —the jolly old blue jacket, — and they bundle into the boats, and on to the beach, like school-boys. And where do they go? Well, we won't follow them, for I never was in them places where they do go, and so I can't describe them, and one thing I must say, I never yet found any place answer the picture drawn of it. But if half only of the accounts are true that I have heerd of them, they must be the devil's own seminaries of vice — that's a fact. Every mite and morsel as bad as the bar- rack scenes that we read of lately. " Well, at the end of a week back com<3 the sailors. They have had a glorious lark and enjoyed themselves beyond any- thing in the world, for they are pale, sick, sleepy, tired out, cleaned out, and kickerl out, with black eyes, broken heads, swelled cheeks, minus a few teeth, half their clothes, and all their money. " ' What,' says the captain, * what's the matter with you, Tom Marlin, that you limp so like a lame duck ? ' " ' Nothing, your honour,' says Tom, twitching his forelock, and making a scrape with his hind leg, ' nothing, your honour, but a scratch from a bagganet.' " * What ! a fight with the soldiers, eh ? The cowardly rascals to use their side arms ! ' " ' We cleared the house of them, Sir, in no time.' " ' That's right. Now go below, my lads, and turn in and get a good sleep. I like to see my lambs enjoy themselves. It does my hearl/ good.' " And yet, Cutler, that man is said to be a father to his crew." " Slick," said Cutler, " what a pity it is you wouldn't always talk that way ! " Now if there is any created thing that makes me mad, it is to have a feller look admiren at me, when I utter a piece of plain common sense like that, and turn up the whites of his eyes like a duck in thunder, as much as to say, what a 2)ity it is you weren't broughten up a preacher. It ryles me considerable, I tell you. CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. 19 " Cutler," said I, " did you ever see a colt in a pasture, how he would race and chase round the field, head, ears, and tail up, and stop short, snort as if he had seen the ghost of a bridle, and off again hot foot?" " Yes," said he, " I have, but you are not a colt, nor a boy either." " Well, did you ever see a horse when unharnessed from a little light waggon, and turned out to grass, do nearly the same identical thing, and kick up his heek like mad, as much as to say, I am a free nigger now ? " « Well, I have," said he. " Stop," said I, a touchin' of him on his arm ; " what in the world is that ? " and I pointed over the taffrail to the weather- bow. " Porpoises," said he. « What are they a doin' of?" " Sportin' of themselves." " Exactly," sais I, " and do you place man below the beasts of the field and the fishes of the sea? What in natur' was humour given to us for but for our divarsion ? What sort of a world would this be if every fellow spoke sermons and talked homilies, and what in that case would parsons do ? I leave you to cypher that out, and then prove it by algebra ; but I'll tell you what they wouldn't do, I'll be hanged if they'd strike for higher wages, for fear they should not get any at all." " I knock under," said he ; " you may take my hat ; now go on and finish the comparison between Clippers and Steamers." " Well," sais I, " as I was a sa^', Captain, give me a craft like this, that spreads its wings like a bird, and looks as if it was bom, not made, a whole-sail breeze, and a seaman every inch of him like you on the deck, who looks you in the face, in a way as if he'd like to say, only bragging ain't genteel. Ain't she a clipper now, and ain't I the man to handle her ? Now this ain't the case in a steamer. They ain't vessels, they are more like floating factories; you see the steam machines and the enormous fires, and the clouds of smoke, but you don't visit the rooms where the looms are, that's all. They plough through the sea dead and heavy, like a subsoiler with its eight-horse team ; there is no life in 'em ; they can't dance on the waters as if they rejoiced in their course, but divide the waves as a rock does in a river ; they seem to move more in defiance of the sea than as if they were in an element of their own. " They puif and blow like boasters braggin' that they extract from the ocean the means to make it help to subdue itself. It is a war in the elements, fire and water coutendin' for victory. 20 CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. t ' They are black, dingy, forbiddin' looking sea monsters. It is no wonder the superstitious Spaniard, when he first saw one, said : * A vessel that goes against the tide, and against the wind, and without sails, goes against God,' or that the simple negro thought it was a sea-devil. They are very well for carrying freight, because they are beasts of burden, but not for carrying travellers, unless they are mere birds of passage like our Yankee tourists, who want to have it to say I was ' ihar.^ I hate them. The decks are dirty ; your skin and clothes are dirty ; and your lungs become foul; smoke pervades everythin', and now and then the condensation gives you a shower of sooty water by way of variety, that scalds your face and dyes your coat into a sort of pepper-and-salt colour. " You miss the sailors, too. There are none on board — you miss the nice light, tight-built, lathy, wiry, active, neat, joUy crew. In their place you have nasty, dirty, horrid stokers; some hoisting hot cinders and throwing them overboard (not with the merry countenances of niggers, or the cheerful sway- away-my-boys expression of the Jack Tar, but with sour, came- ronean-lookin' faces, that seem as if they were dreadfully dis- appointed they were not persecuted any longer — had no churches and altars to desecrate, and no bishops to anoiut with the oil of hill-side maledictions as of old), while others are emerging from the fiery furnaces beneath for fresh air, and wipe a hot dirty face with a still dirtier shirt, sleeve, and in return for the nauseous exudation, lay on a fresh coat of blacking ; tall, gaunt wretches, who pant for breath as they snufi" the fresh breeze, like porpouses, and then dive again into the lower regions. They are neither seamen nor landsmen, good whips nor decent shots, their hair is not woolly enough for niggers, and their faces are too black for white men. They ain't amphibi- ous animals, like marines and otters. They are Salamanders. But that's a long word, and now they call them stokers for shortness. " Then steamers carry a mob, and I detest mobs, especially such ones as they delight in — greasy Jews, hairy Germans, Mulatto-looking Italians, squalling children, that run between your legs and throw you down, or wipe the butter off their Dread on your clothes ; Englishmen that will grumble, and Irish- men that vsdll fight ; priests that won't talk, and preachers that will harangue ; women that will be carried about, because they won't lie still and be quiet ; silk men, cotten men, bonnet men, iron men, trinket men, and every sort of shopmen, who sever- ally know nothing in the world but sUk, cotten, bonnets, iron, trinkets, and so on, and can't talk of any thin' else; fellows who L. CLIPPERS AT^ STEAMERS. 21 walk up and down the deck, four or five abreast when there are four or five of the same craft on board, and prevent any one else from promenadin' by sweepin' the whole space, while every lurch the ship gives, one of them tumbles atop of you, or treads on your toes, and then, instead of apoligisin*, turns round and abuses you like a pick-pocket for stickin' your feet out and trippin' people up. Thinkin' is out of the question, and as for readin', you might as well read your fortune in the stars. " Just as you begin, that lovely-lookin', rosy-cheeked, wicked-eyed gall, that came on board so full of health and spirits, but now looks like a faded striped ribbon, white, yeller, pink, and brown — dappled all over her face, but her nose, which has a red spot on it— lifts up a pair of lack-lustre peepers that look glazed like the round dull ground-glass lights let into the deck, suddenly wakes up squeamish, and says, ' Please, Sir, help me down ; I feel so ill.' Well, you take her up in your arms, and for the first time in your life hold her head from you, for fear she will reward you in a way that ain't no matter, and she feels as soft as dough, and it seems as if your fingers left dents in her putty-like arms, and you carry her to the head of the stairs, and call out for the stewardess, and a waiter answers, * Stewardess is tight. Sir.' " ' I am glad of it, she is just the person I want. I wish all the other passengers were tight also.' " * Lord, Sir, that ain't it — she is mops and brooms.' " * Mops and brooms, I suppose she is, she must have plenty use for them, I reckon, to keep all snug and tidy down there.' " * Good gracious, Sir, don't you understand, she is half seas over.' " * True, so we all are, the captain said so to-day at tw^elve o'clock, I wish we were over altogether. Send her up.' " ' No, no, Sir, she is more than half shaved.' "'The devil! does she shave? I don't believe she is a woman at all. I see how it is, you have been putting one of the sailors into petticoats.' And the idea makes even the invalid gall laugh. " * No, no. Sir, she is tipsy.' "'Then why the plague couldn't you say so at once. 1 guess you kinder pride yourself in your slang. Help me to assist this lady down to her friends.' " Well, when you return on deck, lo and behold, your seat is occupied, and you must go and stand by the rail till one is vacant, when another gall that ain't ill, but inconveniently well, she is 80 full of chat, says, * Look, look, Sir, dear me, what is that, Sir? a porpoise. Why you don't, did you ever! well, I M CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. never see a porpoise afore in all mj bom days ! are they good to eat, Sir?' " * Excellent food for whales, Miss.* " * Well I never ! do they swallow them right down ?' " ' I guess they do, tank, shank, and flank, at one gulp.' " * Why how in the world do they ever get — ' but she don't finish the sentence, for the silk man, cotten man, iron man, or trinket man, which ever is nearest, says, * There is a ship on the lee-bow.' He says that because it sounds sailor-like, but it happens to bo the weather-bow, and you have seen her an hour before. " ' Can you make her out ?' sais he ; that's another sea tarm he has picked up ; he will talk like a horse-marine at last. " * xes,' sais you, * she is a Quang-Tonger.' " * A Quang-Tonger ?' sais the gall, and before the old coon has disgested that hard word, she asks, ' what in natur is that P ' " * Why, Miss, Quang-Tong is a province of China, and Canton is the capital; all the vessels at Canton are called Quang-Tongers, but strangers call them Chinese Junks. Now, Miss, you have seen two new things to-day, a bottle-nosed por- poise and — ' " * Was that a bottle-nosed porpoise. Sir ? why you don't say so ! why, how you talk, why do they call them bottle-noses ? ' " ' Because, Miss, they make what is called velvet corks out of their snouts. They are reckoned the best corks in the world. And then, you have seen a Chinese Junk?' " * A Chinese Junk,' sais the astonished trinket man, * well I vow! a Chinese Junk, do tell!' and one gall calls Jeremiah Dodge, and the other her father and her sister, Mary Anne Matilda Jane, to come and see the Chinese Junk, and all the passengers rush to the other side, and say, ' whare, whare,' and the two discoverers say, * there, there ;' and you walk across the deck and take one of tho evacuated seats you riave been longin' for ; and as you pass you give a wink to the officer of the watch, who puts his tongue in his cheek as a token of approbation, and you begin to read again, as you fancy, in peace. " But there is no peace in a steamer, it is nothin' but a large calaboose,* chock full of prisoners. As soon as you have found your place in the book, and taken a fresh departure, the bonnet man sais, ' Please, Sir, a seat for a lady,' and you have to get up and give it to his wife's lady's-maid. His wife ain't a lady, but having a lady's-maid shows she intends to set up for one when she gets to home. To be a lady, she must lay in a lot of airs, and to brush her own hair and garter her own stockins is vul- * Calaboose is a Southern name for jail. L. CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. 23 gar ; if it was known in First Avenue, Spruce Street, in Bon- netville, it would ruin her as a woman of fashion for ever. " Now bonnet man wouldn't ask you to get up and give your place to his wife's hired help, only he knows you are a Yankee, and we Yankees, I must sav, are regularly fooled with women and preachers ; just as mucn as that walking advertisement of a milliner is with her lady's-maid. All over America in rail carriages, stage coaches, river steamers, and public places of all sorts, every critter that wears a white choker, and looks like a minister, has the best seat given him. He expects it, as a mat- ter of course, and as every female is a lady, every woman has a right to ask you to quit, without notice, for her accommodation. Now it's all very well and very proper' to be respectful to preachers ; and to be polite and courteous to women, and more especially those that are unprotected; but there is a limit, tother side of which lies absurdity. " Now if you had seen as much of the world as I have, and many other travelled Yankees, when bonnet man asked you to give up your seat to the maid, you would have pretended not to understand English, and not to know what he wanted, but would have answered him in French and offered him the book, and said certainly you would give it to him with pleasure, and when he said he didn't speak French, but what he desired was your place for the lady, you would have addressed her in German, and of- fered her the book, and when they looked at each other, and laughed at their blunder, in thus taking you for a Yankee, per- haps the man next to you would have offered his seat, and tlien when old bonnet man walked off to look at the Chinese Junk, you would have entered into conversation with the lady's-maid, and told her it was a rise you took out of the old fellow to get her along-side of you, and she would enjoy the joke, and you would have found her a thousand times more handsome and more conversational and agreeable than her mistress. " But this wouldn't last long, for the sick gall would be car- ried up on deck agin, woman like, though ill, very restless, and chock full of curiosity to see the Chinese Junk also ; so you are caught by your own ham, and have to move again once more. The bell comes in aid, and summons you to dinner. Ah, the scene in the Tower of Babel is rehearsed ; whai. a confusion of tongues ! what a clatter of knives and forks and dishes ! the waiter that goes and won't come back ; and he who sees, pities but can't help you ; and he who is so near sighted, he can't hear; and he who is intercepted, and made prisoner on his way. "What a profusion of viands— but how little to eat! this is cold J that under-done ; this is tough ; that you never eat ; while 24 CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. all smell oily ; oh, the only dish you did fancy, you can't touch, for that horrid German has put his hand into it. But it is all told in one short sentence ; two hundred and fifty passengers supply two hundred and fifty reasons themselves, why I should f refer a sailing vessel with a small party to a crowded steamer, f you want to see them in perfection go where I have been it on Doard the California boats, and Mississippi river crafts. The French, Austrian, and Italian boats are as bad. The two great Ocean lines, American and English, are as good as anything bad can be, but the others are all abominable. They are small worlds over-crowded, and while these small worlds exist, the evil will remain ; for alas, their passengers go backward and forward, they don't emigrate — they migrate ; they go for the winter and return for the spring, or go in the spring and return in the fall. " Come, Commodore, there is old Sorrow ringing his merry bell for us to go to dinner. I have an idea we shall have ample room ; a good appetite, and time enough to eat and enjoy it : come, Sir, let us, like true Americans, never refuse to go where duty calls us." After dinner. Cutler reverted to the conversation we had had before we went below, though I don't know that I should call it conversation, either ; for I believe I did, as usual, most of the talking myself. " r agree with you," «• id he, " in your comparative estimate of a sailing vessel and a steamer, I like the former the best my- self. It is moi-e agreeable for the reasons you have stated to a passenger, but it is still more agreeable to the oflBcer in command of her on another account. In a sailing vessel, all your work is on deck, everything is before you, and everybody under your command. One glance of a seaman's eye is sufficient to detect if anything is amiss, and no one man is indispensable to you. In a steamer the work is all below, the machinery is out of your sight, complicated, and one part dependent on another. If it gets out of order you are brought up with a round turn, all standing, and often in a critical situation too. You can't repair damage easily ; sometimes, can't repair at all. " Whereas carrying away a sail, a spar, a topmast, or any- thing of that kind, impedes but don't stop you, and if it is any- thing very serious there are a thousand ways of making a tem- {)orary ri^ that will answer till you make a port. But what I ike best is, when my ship is in the daldrums, I am equal to the emergency ; there is no engineer to bother you by saying this can't be done, or that won't do, and to stand jawing and arguing instead of obeying and doing. Clippera of the right lines, size, and build, well found, manned, and commanded, will make nearly CLIPPERS AND STEAMERS. 25 as ^ood work, in ordinary times, as steamers. Perhaps it is prejudice though, for I believe we nailors are proverbial lor that. But, Hlick, recollect it ain't all fair weather sailing like this at oea. There are times when death stares you wildly in the face." " Exactly," sais I, " as if he would like to know you the next time he came for you, so as not to apprehend the wrong one. He often leaves the rascal and seizes the nonest man ; my opinion is, he don't see very well." " What a droll fellow you are," said he ; ** it appears to me as if you couldn't be serious for five minutes at a time. I can tell you, if you were on a rocky lee-shore, with the wind and waves urging you on, and you barely holding your own, perhaps losing ground every tack, you wouldn't talk quite so glibly of death. Was you ever in a real heavy gale of wind ? " " Warn't 1," said I ; " the fust time I returned from Eng- land it blew great guns all the voyage, one gale after another, and the last always wuss than the one before. It carried away our sails as fast as we bent them." " That's nothing unusual," said Cutler ; " there are worse things than that at sea." "Well, I'll tell you," sais I, "what it did; and if that ain't an uncommon thing, then my name ain't Sam Slick. It blew all the hair off my dog, except a little tuft atween his ears. It did, upon my soul. I hope I may never leave — " " Don't swear to it, Slick," said he, " that's a good fellow. It's impossible." " Attestin' to it will make your hair stand on eend too, I suppose," said I ; " but it's as true as preachin' for all that. Wnat will you bet it didn't happen ? " " Tut, man, nonsense," said he, " I teU you the thing is im- possible." "Ah!" said I, "that's because you have been lucky, and never saw a riprorious hurricane in all your life. I'U tell you how it was. I bought a blood-hound from a man in Eegent's Park, just afore I sailed, and the brute got sea-sick, and then took the mange, and between that and death starin' him in the face, his hair all came off, and in course it blew away. Is that impossible ? " " Well, well," said he, ''you have the most comical way with you of s^nj man I ever see. I am sure it ain't in your nature to speak of death in that careless manner, you only talked that way to draw me out. I know you did. It's not a subject how- ever to treat lightly, and if you are not inclined to be serious just now, tell us a story." " Serious," sais I, " I am disposed to be ; but not sanctimo- li! m CLirPERH AND 8TRAMKRS. nioiin, find you know that. But hero goes for a story, which haa a nice little mom! in it too. " ' Once on a time, when nipi were swine, and turkeys chewed tobacco, and little birdH built their nestH in old men^H beards.' " Pooh ! " »nid he, turning off huffy like, as if I wn» a goin* to bluff him off. " 1 wonder whether supper is ready ? " •• Cutler," sais I, " como back, that's a good fellow, and I'll tell you the story. It's a short one, and v/ill just fdl up the space between this and tea-time. It is in illustration of what you wns a sayin', that it ain't always fair weather sailing in this world. There was a jack-tar once to England who had been ab- sent on a whaling voyage for nearly three years, and he had hardly landed when he was ordered off to sea again, before he had time to go home and see his friends. He was a lamentiu' this to a shipmate of his, a serious-minded man, like you. " Sais he, * Bill, it breaketh my heart to have to leave agin arter this fashion. I havn't seen Polly now goin' on three years, nor the little un either.' And he actilly piped his eye. " * It seemeth hard, Tom,' said Bill, tryin' to comfort him ; * it seemeth hard ; but I'm an older man nor you be, Tom, the matter of several years;' and he gave his trowsers a twitch (you know they don't wear galluses, though a gallus holds them up sometimes), shifted his quid, gave his nor' wester a pull over his forehead, and looked solemncholly, * and my experience, Tom, is, that this life ain't all beer and skittles.* " Cutler, there is a great deal of philosophy in that maxim : a preacher couldn't say as much in a sermon an hour lo -g, as there is in that little story with thai little moral reflectii/U at the eend of it. " * This life ainH all beer and skittles.* Many a time since I heard that anecdote — and I heard it in Kew Gardens, of all places in the world — when I am disappointed sadly, I say that saw over, and console myself with it. I can't expect to go thro' the world. Cutler, as I nave done : stormy days, long and dark nights, are before me. As I grow old I shan't be so full of ani- mal spirits as I have been. In the natur of things I must have my share of aches, and pains, and disappointment, as well as others ; and when they come, nothing will better help me to bear them than that little simple reflection of the sailor, which appeals so directly to the heart. Sam, this life ain't all beer and skittles, that's a fact." i:nlockino a woman's nvjiKT, ich hai I'hewed ?ar(lB.* a goin* md I'll up the )f what in this leen ab- he had jfore he mentin* u. ive agin (6 years, >rt him ; ?om, the ,ch (you them up over his Tom, is, maxim: lo g, as ictiuix at since I 18, of all say that go thro' nd dark of ani- U8t have well as ^» me to r, which all beer CHAPTER III. U5L0CKIN0 A WOMAS's HEART. As we approached the eastern const, *' Eldad," sais I, to the pilot, "is there any harbour about here when? our folks ran do a little bit of trade, and where 1 can see something of * Fitiher- men at home?'" •' We must bo careful now how we proceed, for if the ' Spit- fire ' floats at the flood. Captain Stoker will try perhaps to over- haul us." " Don't we want to wood and water, and ain't there some re- pairs wanting," sais I, and I gave him a ^ink. "If so we can put into port; but I don't think we will attempt to fish again within the treaty limits, for it's dangerous work." " Yes," sais he, touching his nose with the point of his finger, "all these things are needed, and when thev are going on, the mate and I can attend to the business ol the owners." He then looked cautiously round to see that the captain was nut within hearing. "Wam't it the 'Black ITawk' that was chased?" said he. " I think that was our nrme then." " Why, to be sure it was," said I. "Well," sais he, "this is the 'Sary Ann' of New Bedford now," and proceeding aft he turned a screw, and 1 could hear a board shift in the stem. " Do you mind that ?" said he : " well, you can't see it where you stand just now at present; but the * Sary Ann ' shows her name there now, and we have a set of papers to correspond. I guess the Britisher can't seize her, be- cause the 'Black Hawk' broke the treaty; can he?" And he gave a knowing jupe of his head, as much as to say, ain't that grand ? " Now our new captain is a strait-laced sort of man, you see ; but the cantin' fellow of a master you had on board before, wam't above a dodge of this kind. It it comes to the scratch, you must take the command again, for Cutler won't have art nor part in this game ; and we may be reformed out afore we know where we are." " Well," sais I, " there is no occasion, I guess ; put us somewhere a little out of sight, and we won't break the treaty no more. I reckon the ' Spitfire,' after all, would just as soon be in port as looking after us. It's sinnll potatoes for a man- of-war to be hunting poor game, like us little fore and afters." " As you like," he said, " but we are prepared, you see, for 28 UNLOCKING A WOMAN S HEART» the mate and men understand the whole thing. It ain't the first time they have escaped by changing their sign-board." " Exactly," said I, " a ship ain't like a dog that can only answer to one name ; and * Sary Ann ' is as good as the * BlacK Hawk,' every mite and morsel. There is a good deal of fun in altering sign-boards. I recollect wunst, when I was a boy, there was a firm to Slickville who had this sign over their shop : ' Gallop and More, Taylors.' "Well, one Saturdajr-night brother Josiah and I got a paint- brush, and altered it in this way : * Gallop and 8 More Taylors Make a man.' " Lord, what a commotion it made. Next day was Sunday ; and as the folks were going to church, thev stood and laughed and roared like anything. It made a terriole hulla-buUoo. " ' Sam,' said Minister to me, * what in natur is all that on- decent noise about so near the church-door.' " I told him. It was most too much for him, but he bit in his breath, and tried to look grave ; but I see a twinkle in his eye, and the comer of his mouth twitch, the way your eyelid does sometimes when a nerve gets a dancing involuntarily. " * A very foolish joke, Sam,' he said ; * it may get you into trouble.' " * Why, Minister,* said I, * I hope you don't think that — ' " * No,' said he, ' I don't think at all, I know it was you, for it's just like you. But it's a foolish joke, for, Sam : " ♦ Honour and worth from no condition rise — * " * Exactly,' sais I. " * Stitch well your part, there all the honour lies/ " * Sam, Sam,' said he, * you are a bad boy,' and he put on a serious face, and went in and got his gown ready for service. « The ' Sary Ann ' for the ' Black Hawk,' " sais I to myself, " well that ain't bad either ; but there are more chesta of tea and kegs of brai^dy, and such like, taken right by the custom-house door at Halifax in loads of hay and straw, than comes by water, just because it is the onlikeliest way in the world any man would do it. But it is only some of the Bav of Fundy boys that are up to that dodge. Smugglers in general haven't the courage to do that. Dear me ! " sais I to myself, " when was there ever a law that couldn't be evaded ; a tax that couldn't be shuffled off like an old slipper ; a prohibition that a smuggler coiddn't row right straight through, or a treaty that hadn't moi'e holej M UNLOCKING A WOMAN's HEART. in it than a dozen supplemental ones could patch up ? //'« a high fence that carCt he scaled, and a strong one that canH he broke down. When there are accomplices in the house, it is easier to get the door unlocked than to Jorce it. Receivers make smugglers. Where there are not informers, penalties are dead letters. The people here like to see us, for it is their interest, and we are safe as long as they are friendly. I don't want to smuggle, for I scorn such a pettifogin' business, as Josiah would call it ; but I must and will see how the thing works, so as to report it to the President." " "Well, Eldad," sais I, " I leave all this to you. I want to avoid a scrape if I can, so put us in a place of safety, and be careful how you proceed." " I understand," said he. " Now, Mr Slick, look yonder," pointing towards the shore. " "What is that ? " " A large ship under full sail," said I, " but it is curious she has got the wind oiF shore, and just dead on end to us." " Are you sure," said he, " it is a ship, for if we get foul of her, we shall be sunk in a moment, and every soul on board perish." " Is it a cruiser ? " sais I ; " because if it is, steer boldly for her, and I will go on board of her and show my commission as an oflGlcer of our everlastin' nation. Captain," said I, " what is that stranger?" He paused for a moment, shaded his eyes with his hand, and examined her. " A large square-rigged vessel," he said, " under a heavy press of canvas," and resumed his walk on the deck. After a while the pilot said : " Look again, Mr SUck, can you make her out now ?" "Why," sais I, "she is only a brigantine ; but ask the skipper." He took his glass and scrutinized her closely, and as he re- placed it in the binnacle said : " We are going to have south;*rly weather I think ; she loomed very large when I first saw her, and I took her for a ship ; but now she seems to be an her- maphrodite. It's of no consequence to us however what she is, and we shall soon near her." "Beyond that vessel," said the pilot, "there is a splendid harbour, and as there has been a head wind for some time, I have no doubt there are many coasters in there, from the mas- ters of whom you can obtain much useful information on the object of your visit, while we can drive a profitable trade among them and the folks ashore. How beautifully these harbours are situated," he continued, "for carrying on the fisheries, and Nova Scotian though I bo, I must say, I do think in any other part of the world there would be large towns here." 'sM 30 UNLOCKING A WOMAN 8 HEAET. / " I think 80 too, Eldad," sals I, " but British legislation is at the bottom of all your misfortunes, after all, and though you are as lazy as sloths, and as idle as that fellow old Blowhard saw, who lay down on the grass aU day to watch the vessels passing, and observe the motion of the crows, the English, by breaking up your monopoly of inter-colonial and "West India trade and tnrowiug it open to us, not only without an equiva- lent, but in the face of our prohibitory duties, are the cause of all your poverty and stagnation. They are rich and able to act like fools if they like in their owti affairs, but it was a cruel thing to sacrifice you, as they have done, and deprive you of the only natural carrying trade and markets you had. The more I think of it the less I blame you. It is a wicked mockery to lock men up, and then taunt tnem with want of enterprise, and tell them they are idle." "Look at that vessel again. Sir," said Eldad; "she don't make much headway, does she ?" AVeU, I took the glass again and examined her minutely, and I never was so stumpt in my life. " Pilot," said I, "is that the same vessel?" " The identical," said he. "I vow to man," sais I, "as I am a livin' sinner, that is neither a ship, nor a brigantine, nor a hermaphrodite, but a topsail schooner, that's a fact. What in natur' is the mean- in' of all this ? Perhaps the captain knows," so I called him again. " Cutler, that vessel is transmografied again," sais I ; " look at her." "Pooh," said he, "that's not the same vessel at all. The two first we saw are behind that island. That one is nothing but a coaster. You can't take me in. Slick. Tou are always full of your fun, and taking a rise out of some one or another, and I shall be glad when we land, you wiU then have some one else to practise on." In a short time the schooner vanished, and its place was supplied by a remarkable white clift', which from the extraordi- nary optical delusion ^t occasions gives its name to the noble port which is now called Ship Harbour. I have since mentioned this subject to a number of mariners, and have never yet hoard of a person who was not deceived in a similar manner. As we passed through the narrows, we entered a spacious and magni- ficent basin, so completely land-locked that a fleet of vessels of the largest size may lay there unmoved by any wind. There is no haven in America to be compared with it. " You are now safe," said the pilot j "it is only twelve leagues UNLOCKING A WOMAN's HEART. U" from Halifax, and nobody would think of looking for you here. The fact is, the nearer you hide the safer you be." *' Exactly," ^ais I ; " what you seek you can't find, but when you ain't looking for a thing, you are sure to scumble on it." " If you ever want to run goods, Sir," said he, " the closer you go to the port the better. Smugglers ain't all up to this, so they seldom approach the lion's den, but go farther and fare worse. Now we may learn lessons from dumb animals. They know we reason on probabilities, and therefore always do what is improbable. AVe think them to be fools, but they know that we pre. The fox sees we always look for him about his hole, and therefore he carries on his trade as far from it, and as near the poultry yard, as possible. If a dog kills sheep, and them Newfoundlanders are most uncommon fond of mutton, I must say, he never attacks his neighbour's flock, for he knows he would be suspected and had up for it, but sets off at night, and makes a foray like the old Scotch on the distant borders. " He washes himself, for marks of blood is a bad sign, and returns afore day, and wags his tail, and runs round his master, and looks up into his face as innocent as you please, as much as to say, ' Squire, here I have been watchin' of your property all this live-long night, it's dreadful lonely work, I do assure you, and oh, how glad I am to see the shine of your face this morning.' " And the old boss pats his head, fairly took in, and says, * That's a good dog, what a faithful honest fellow you be, you are worth your weight in gold.' " Well, the next time he goes off on a spree in the same quarter, what does he see but a border dog strung up by the neck, who has been seized and condemned as many an innocent fellow has been before him on circumstantial evidence, and he laughs and says to himself, ' What fools humans be, they don't know half as much as we dogs do.' So he thinks it would be as well to shift his ground, where folks ain't on the watch for sheep-stealers, and he makes a dash into a flock still far- ther off. " Them Newfoundlanders would puzzle the London detect- ive police, I believe they are the most knowin' coons in all creation, don't you?" " Well, they arc," sais I, " that's a fact, and they have all the same passions and feelings we have, only they are more grateful than man is, and you can by kindness lay one of them under an obligation he will never ibrget as long as he lives, whereas an obligation scares a man, for he snorts and stares at you like a horse at an engine, and is e'en most sure to up heels and let you have it, like mad. The only thing about dogs is, 32 UNLOCKING A ROMAN'S HEART. they can't bear rivals, they like to have all attention paid to themselves exclusively, I will tell you a story I had from a British colonel. " He was stationed in Nova Scotia, with his regiment, when I was a venden of clocks there. I met him to "Windsor, at the AVilcox Inn. He was mightily taken with my old horse Clay, and offered me a most an everlastin' long price for him ; he said if I would sell him, he wouldn't stand for money, for he never see such an animal in all his bom days, and so on. But old Clay was above all price, his ditto was never made yet, and I don't think ever will be. I had no notion to sell him, and I told him so, but seein' he was dreadful disappointed, for a rich Englishman actually thinks money will do anything and get any- thing, I told him if ever I partea with him he should have him on condition he would keep him as long as he lived, and so on. " "Well, it pacified him a bit, and to turn the conversation, sais I, * Colonel,' saie I, ' what a most an almighty everlastin' super superior Newfoundler that is,' a pointin' to his dog ; ' cre- ation,' sais I, ' if I had a regiment of such fellows, I believe I wouldn't be afraid of the devil. My,' sais I, * what a dog ! would you part with him ? I'de give anything for him.' " I said that a purpose to show him I had as good a right to keep my horse as he had his long-haired gentleman. " ' rfo,' sais he, with a sort of half smile at my ignorance in pokin' such a question at him (for a Britisher abroad thinks he has privileges no one else has), * no, I don't want to part with him. I want to take him to England with me. See, he has all the marks of the true breed : look at his beautiful broad forehead, what an intellectual one it is, ain'l it ? then see his delicate mouse-like ears, just large enough to cover the orifice, and that's all.' " ' Orifice,' said I, for I hate fine words for common use, they are like go-to-meetin' clothes on week days, onconvenient, and look too all fired jam up. Sais I, ' what's that when it's fried. I don't know that word?' " * "Why, ear-hole,' said he. " * Oh,' sais I, simple like, ' I take now.' " Ht smiled and went on. * Look at the black roof of his mouth,' said he, ' and do vou see the dew claw, that is a great mark t* Then feel that tail, that is his rudder to steer by when swimming. It's different from the tail of other dogs, the strength of that joint is surprising. But his chest, Sir, his chest, see how that is formed on purpose for diving. It is shaped in- ternally like a seal's, lind then, observe the spread of that webbed foot, aad the power of them paddles. There are two kinds of UNLOCKING A WOMAN 3 HEART. 33 I- tliem, the short and the long haired, but I think those 8hap;gy ones are the handsomest. They are very difficult to be got utTw of the pure breed. I sent to the Bay of Bulls for this one. To have them in iiealth you must make them stay out of doors in all weather, and keep them cool, and above all not feed them too high. Salt fish seems the beat food for them, they are so fond of it. iSingular that, ain't it? but a dog is natural, Sir, and a man ain't. " * Now, you never saw a codfish at the table of a New- foundland merchant in your life. He thinks it smells too much of the shop. In fact, in my opinion t' e dog is the only gentle- man there. The only one, now that tho Indian is extinct, who has breeding and blood in that land of oil, blubber, and icebergs.* " Lord, I wish one of them had been there to have heard him, wouldn't he a harpooned him ? that's all. He made a con- siderable of a long yarn of it, and as it was a text he had often enlarged on, I thought he neNer would have ended, but like other preachers, when he got heated, spit on the slate, rub it all out, and cypher it over again. Thinks I to myself, I'll play you a bit, my boy. " * Exactly,' sais I, * there is 1/^ same difierence in dogs and horses as there is in men. Some are noble by nature, and some vulgar ; each is known by his breed.' " * True,' said he, ' very true,' and he stood up a little etraighter as if it did him good to hear a republican say that, for his father was an Earl. ' A very just remark,' said he, and he eyed me all over, as if he was rather surprised at my pene- tration. " ' But the worst of it,' sais I, ' is that a high bred dog or horse and a high bred man are only good for one thing. A pointer will point — a blood horse run — a setter will set — a bull dog fight — and a Newfoundlander will swim ; but what else are they good for ? Now a duke is a duke, and the devil a thing else. All you expect of him is to act and look like one (and I could pomt out some that don't even do that). If he writes a book, and I beh'eve a Scotch one, by the help of his tutor, diu once, or makes a speech, you say, Come now, that is very weU for a duke, and so on. Well, a marquis ain't quite so high bred, and he is a little better, and so on, downwards ; when you get to an earl, why, he may be good for more things than one. I ain't quite sure a cross ain't desirable, and in that way that you couldn't improve the intelligence of both horses, noble- men, and dogs — don't you think so. Sir?' sais I. " ' It is natural for you,' said he, not liking the smack of democracy that I threw in for fun, and looking uneasy. ' So,* o 34 UNLOCKING A WOMAN ^S HEA.RT. eaia he (by way of tuminfy the conversation), * the snffacity of dogs is very wonderful. I will tell you an anecdote of this one that has surprised (jverybody to whom I have related it. " ' Last sunrner my duties led me to George's Island. I take it for granted you know it. It is a small isU.nd situated in the centre of the harbour of Halifax, has a powerful battery on it, and barracks for the accommodation of troops. There was a company of my regiment stationed there at the time. I took this dog and a small terrier, called Tilt, in the boat with me. The latter was a very active little fellow that the General had given me a few weeks before. He was such an amusing crea- ture, that he soon became a universal favourite, and was suffered to come into the house (a privilege which was never granted to this gentleman, who paid no regard to the appearance of his coat, which was often wet and dirty), and who was therefore excluded. " * The consequence was. Thunder was jealous, and would not associate with him, and if ever he took any liberty, he turned on him and punished him severely. This however he never pre- sumed to do in my presence, as ne knew I would not suffer it, and therefore, when they both accompanied mc in my walks, the big dog contented himself with treating the other with per- fect indifference and contempt. Upon this occasion, Thunder lay down in the boat and composed himself to sleep, while the little fellow, who was full of life and animation, and appeared as if he did not know what it was to close his eyes, sat up, looked over the gunwale, and seemed to enjoy the thing uncom- monly. He watched che motions of the men, as if he under- stood what was required of them, and was anxious they should acquit themselves properly.* " ' He knew,' said I, ' it was what sailors call the dog loafch* " ' Very good' said he, but looking all the time as if he thought the interruption very bad. " ' After having made my inspection, I returned to the boat, for the purpose of recrossing to the town, when I missed the terrier. Thunder was close at my heels, and when I whistled for the other, wagged his tail and looked up in my face, as if he would say, Never mind that foolish dog, I am here, and that is enough, or is there anything you want me to do ? "'After calling m vain, I went back vo the barracks, and inquired of the men for Tilt, but no one appeared to have seen him or noticed his motions. " * After perambulating the little island in vain, I happened to ask the sentry if he knew where he was. " ' Yes, Sir,' said he, * he is buried in the beacb V . J t UNLOCKING A WOMAN^S HEART. 85: watch. ^ if he .J " * Buried in the beach,' said I, with ^^at anger, * who dared to kill him ? Tell me, Sir, immediately.' "'That large dog did it. Sir. He enticed him down to tho ' shore by playing with him, pretending to croucli and then nm after him ; and then retreatmg and coaxing him to chase liim ; and when he got him near the beach, he throttled him in ru ■ instpnt, and then scratched a hole in tiie shingle and buried him, covering him up with the gravel. After that he went into tho water, and with his paws washed his head and face, shook him- self, and went up to the barracks. You will find the terrier just down there. Sir.' " * And sure enough there was the poor little fellow, quite dead, and yet warm. " * In the mean time Thunder, who had watched our proceed- ; ings from a distance, as soon as he saw the body exhumed, felt as if there was a court-martial holding over himself, plunged into the harbour and swam across to the town, and hid himself for several days, until he thought the aifair had blown over ; ? and then approached me anxiously and cautiously, lest he should be apprehended and condemned. As I was unwilling to lose both my dogs, I was obliged to overlook it, and take him back to my confidence. A strange story, ain't it, Mr Slick.' " ' Well, it is,' sais I, * but dogs do certainly beat all natur, that's a fact.' " But to get back to the ' Black Hawk : ' as soon as we an- chored, I proposed to Cutler that we should go ashore and visit the * natives.' While he was engaged giving his orders to the mate, I took the opportunity of inquiring of the pilot about the inhabitants. This is always a necessary precaution. If you require light-houses, buoys, and sailing directions to enter a port, you want similar guides when you land. The navigation there is difficult also, and it's a great thing to know who you are going to meet, what sort of stuff they are made of, and which way to steer, so as to avoid hidden snoals and sand-bars, for every little community is as full c»f them as their harbour. It don't do, you know, to talk tory in the house of a radical, to name a bishop to a puritan, to let out agin smugglin' to a man who does a little bit of business that way himself; or, as the French say, ' to talk of a rope in a house where the squatter has been hanged.' If you want to please a guest, you must have some of his favourite dishes at dinner for him ; and if you want to talk agreeably to a man, you must select topics he has a relish for. " So," sais I, " where had we better go. Pilot, when we land ? 'V "Do yoa see that are white on»-story house there?" said ■\ > 86 UNLOCKING A WOMAN S HEART. ho. "That is a place, though not an inn, where the owner, if he is at home, will receive the likes of yon very hospitably. He is a capital fellow in his way, but as hot as pepper. His name is Peter McDonald, and he is considerable well to do in the world. He is a Highlander; and when young went out to Canada in the employment of the North-west Fur Company, w here he spent many years, and married, broomstick fashion, I suppose, a squaw. After her death he removed, with his two half-caste daughters, to St John's, New Brunswick ; but his girls I don't think were very well received, on account r-f their colour, and ho came doAvn here and settled at Ship Harbour, where some of his countrvmen are located. He is as proud as Lucifer, and so are his galls. "Whether it is that they have been slighted, and revenge it on all the rest of the world, I don't know ; or whether it is Highland and Indian pride mixed, I ain't sartified; but they carry their heads high, and show a stift* up- per lip, I tell you. I don't think you will get much talk out of them, for I never could." " Well, it don't follow," said I, " by no manner of means, Eldad, because they wouldn't chat to you, that they wouldn't open their little mugs to me. First and foremost recollect, Mr Nickerson, you are a married man, and it's no use for a gall to talk it into you ; and then, in the next place, you see you know a plaguey sight more about the shape, make, and build of a craft like this than you do about the figure-head, waist, and trim of a gall. Tou are a seaman, and I am a landsman ; you know how to bait jrour hooks for fish, and I know the sort of tackle women will jump at. See if I don't set their clappers a going, like those ol a saw-mill. Do they speak English r " " Yes," said he, " and they talk Gaelic and Frenchalso ; the first two they learned from their father, and the other in Canada." "Are they pretty?" " The eldest is beautiful," said he ; " and there is something in her manner you can't help thinking she is a lady. You never saw such a beautiful figure as she is in your life." Thinks I to myself, " that's all you know about it, old boy." But I didn't say so, for I was thinking of Sophy at the time. "We then pushed off, and steered for Peter McD-ii aid's, Indian Peter, as the pilot said the fishermen called him. As we approached the house he came out to meet us. He was a short, strong-built, athletic man, and his step was as springy as a boy's. He had a joUy, open, manly face, but a quick, restless eye, and the general expression of his countenance indicated at once good nature and irascibility of temper. " Coot tay, shentlemen," he said, " she is glad to see you ; UNLOCKING A WOMAN's HEART. 37 '•.) come, walk into her own hou8<\" He rcco^ised and received Eldad kindly, who mentioned our names nud introduced us, and he weleom 'd us cordially. As soon as we were seated, accord- ing to the custom of tli3 north-west traders, he insisted upon our takinj; somethinp; to drink, and calling; to his daughter Jessie in Gaelic, he desired her to bring whiskey and brandy. As I knew this was a request that on such an occasion could not be declined without oftence, I accepted his oft'er with thanks, and no little praise of the virtues of whiskey, the prin- cipal recommendation of which, 1 said, " was that there was not a neadac^ in a hogshead of it." "SI believes so herself," he said, "it ispettern'^ .1 de rum, prandy, shin, and other Yanke pyson iu the k ..aes; ta Yankies are cheatin smugglin rascalls," The entrance of Jessie fortunately gave a turn to this com- plimentary remark ; when she set down the tray, I rose and extended my hand to her, and said in GaeKc, " Cair mur tha thu mo gradh (how do you do, my dear), tha mVn docJias gam biel thu slan (I hope you are quite well)." The girl was amazed, but no less pleased. How sweet to the ear are the accents of the paternal language, or the mother tongue as we call it, for it is women who teach us to talk. It is a bond of union ! "Whoever speaks it, when we are in a land of strangers, is regarded as a relative. I shall never forget when I was in the bazaar at Calcutta, how my heart leaped at hearing the voice of a Connecticut man as he was addressing a native trader. " Tell you what, stranger," said he, " I feel as mad as a meat axe, and I hope I may be darned to all damation, if I wouldn't chaw up your ugly mummyised corpse, hair, hide, and hoof, this blessed minute, as quick as I would mother's dough-nuts, if I wam't afraid you'd pyson me with your atimy, I'U be dod drotted if I wouldn't." Oh, how them homespun words, coi\rse as they were, cheered my drooping spirits, and the real Connecticut nasal twang with which they were uttered sounded like music to my cars ; how it brought up home and far-olF friends to my mind, and how it sent up a tear of mingled joy and sadness to my eye. Peter was delighted. He slapped me on the back with a hearty good will, in a way nearly to deprive me of my breath, welcomed me anew, and invited us all to stay with him while the vessel remained there. Jessie replied in Gaelic, but so j< pidly I could only follow her with great difficulty, for I had but a smattering of it, though I understood it better than I could speak it, having acquired it in a very singular manner, as 88 .UNLOCKING A WOMAN S IIILVRT. I will tell you by and by. Oficring her a chair, bHc took it atul Bat down aftor Homo hesitation, as it* it was not her usual habit to associate with her father's visitors, and wo were soon on very soeiablo terms. I asked the name of the trading post in the no.th-west where they had resided, and delighted her by informing her 1 had once been there myself on business of John Jacob Astor's New York Fur C )mpany, and staid with the Governor, who was the friend and patron of her father's. This was sulUcient to establish us at once on something like the foot- ing of old friends. AVlien she withdrew, Peter followed her out, ])robably to give some directions for our evening meal. " Well, well," said the pilot, " if you don't beat all! I never could get a word out of that girl, and you have loosened her tongue in rale right down earnest, that's a fact." "Eldad," sais I, "there is two sorts of pilotage, one that enables you to steer through life, and another that carries you safely along a coast, and there is this ditference between them : This universal globe is all alike in a general way, and the know- ledge that is sullicient for one country will do for all the rest of it, with some slight variations. Now you may be a very good pilot on this coast, but your knowledge is no use to you on the shores of England. A land pilot is a fool if he makes shipwreck wherever he is, but the best of coast pilots when he gets on a strange shore is as helpless as a child. Now a woman is a wo- man all over the world, whether she speaks Gaelic, French, Indian, or Chinese ; there are various entrances to her heart, and if you have experience, you have got a compass which will enable you to steer through one or the other of them, into the inner harbour of it. Now, Minister used to say that Eve in Hebrew meant talk, for providence gave her the power of chatty- fication on purpose to take charge of that department. Clack then you see is natural to them ; talk therefore to them as they like, and they will soon like to talk to you. If a woman was to put a Bramah lock on her heart, a skilful man would find his way into it if he wanted to, I know. That contrivance is set to a particular word ; find the letters that compose it, and it opens at once. The moment I heard the Gaelic, I knew I had discovered the cypher — I tried it and succeeded. Tell you what, Pilot, love and skill laugh at locks, for them that canH he opened can be picked. The mechanism of the human heart, ichen you thoroughly understand it, is, like all the other works of nature, eery beautiful, very wonderful, hut very simple. When it does not work well, the fault is not in the machinery, hut in the man- agtment" A CRITTER WITH A THOUSAND VIRTUES. 80 CHAPTEE IV. A CRITTEE WITH A THOUSAND TIRTUE8 AND BUT ONE VICE. on a man- Soon after McDonald had returned and resumed his f^i'nt, a tall thin man, dressed in a coarse suit of homespun, eutt-rcd the room, and addressing; our host familiarly as !S(|uire Peter, de- posited in the corner a fishing-rod, and proceeded to disen- cumber himself of a large salmon basket apparently well lillod, and also two wallets, one of which seemed to contain hie clothes, and the other, from the dull heavy sound it emitted as he threw it on the lloor, some tools. He was about forty years of age. His head, which was singularly well formed, was covered with a luxuriant mass of bushy black curls. His eyes were large, deep set, and intelligent, his forehead expansive and projecting, and his eyebrows heavy and shaggy. When ad- dressing Peter he raised them up in a peculiar manner, nearly to the centre of his forehead, and when no ceased they suddenly dropped and partially concealed his eyes. It was impossible not to be attracted by a face that had two such remarkable expressions ; one of animation, amiability, and intelligence ; and the other of total abstraction. He bent forward, even after he relieved himself of his load, and his atti- tude and gait suggested the idea of an American land-surveyor, who had been accustomed to carry heavy weights in the forest. AVithout condescending to notice the party, further than be- stowing on us a cursory glance to ascertain whether he knew any of us, he drew up to the chimney comer, and placing the soles of his boots perpendicularly to the fire (which soon indi- cated by the vapour arising from them that he had been wading in water), he asked in a listless manner and without waiting for replies, some unconnected questions of the land- lord: as, "Any news, Peter? how does the world use you? how are the young ladies? how is fish this season? macarel plenty? any wrecks this year, Peter, eh? any vessels sinking and dead men floating ; silks, satins, ribbons, and gold watches waiting to be picked up ? Glorious coast this ! the harvest ex- tends over the whole year." And then he drew his hand over his face as if to suppress emotion, and immediately relapsed into silence and stared moodily into the fire. Peter seemed to understand that no answer was required, and therefore made none, but asked him where he had come irom? 40 A CRITTER WITH A TnOlSAND MRTIHS "When' did Iip come from?" said the «tninq;er, who evi- dontly applied the quostion to a fi»h in hi« hn»ket, and not to himm-ir, "(trif^inftlly from the hike, Peter, where it was upawned, and whither it annually n'tnnis. You ou^ht to understand that, Mae, for you have a head on your Hliouhlers. and that is more than half the poor wretches that float ashore hero from the deep have. It's a hard life, my friend, ^joing to sea, and hard shores sailors knock against sometinies, and still harder hearts they often find there. A stone in the end of a stocking is a sling for a giant, and soon puts an end to their sufferings; a punishment for wearing gold Wi tches, a penalty for ])ride. Jolly tars, eh? oh yes, very jolly! it's a jolly sight, ain't it, to Bee two hundred half-naked, mangled, an(l disfigured bodies on the beach, as I did the other day ?" and he gave a shudder at the thought that seemed to shake the very chair he sat on. " It's lucky their friends don't see them, and know their sad fate. They were lost at sea ! that is enough for mothers and wives to hear. The cry for help, when there is none to save, the shriek of despair, when no nope is left, the half-uttered prayer, the last groan, and the last struggle of death, are all hushed in the storm, and weeping friends know not what they lament." After a short pause, he continued: " That sight has most crazed me. What was it you asked? Oh, I have it ! you asked where he came from ? From the lake, Peter, where he was spawned, and where he returned, you see, to die. Tou were spawned on the shores of one of the bays of the Highlands of Scotland. Wouldn't you like to return and lay your bones there, eh ? From earth you came, to earth you shall return. Wouldn't you like to go back and breathe the flir of childhood once more before you die? Love of home, Peter, is strong ; it is an instinct of nature ; but, alas ! the world is a Scotchman's home — anywhere that he can make money. Don't the mountains with their misty summits appear before you sometimes in your sleep ? Don't you dream of tneir dark shadows and sunny spots, their heathy slopes and deep deep glens ? Do you see tne deer grazing there, and hear the bees hum merrily as they return laden with honey, or the grouse rise startled, and whirr away to hide itself in its distant covert ? Do the dead ever rise from their graves and inhabit again the little cottage that looks out on the stormy sea ? Do you become a child once more, and hear your mother's voice, as she sings the little simple air that lulls you to sleep, or watch with acbin^ eyes for the returning boat that brings your father, with the shadows of evening, to his humble home ? And AND BUT ONE VirK. 41 what 18 tho lanpiiftRC of your dronms ? not "Knijlisli, Frrncli, or Indian, Pt'tor, for they have b«f'n l«»nriu'(l tor tnulo or tor travel, but Onelic, for that was the lanijimj^e of lovo. ][a(l you left home early, Mac, and for^'otten itit wonU or itn Hounds, had all trace ot it vanished from your niemory a« if it had never been, still would you have heard it, and known it, and talked it in your dreams. Peter, it is tho voice of nature, and that is the voice of God !" ♦'She'll tell her what she treams of womclimes," said McDonald, "she treams of ta mountain dew — ta clear %vater of life." "I will be bound you do," said the doctor, "nn«l T do if you don't, so, Peter, my boy, pivo n)(» a ^laHs; it will cheer my heart, for I have been too much alone lately, and have seen such horrid sij^hts, I feel dull." While Peter (who was a good deal aflfected with this re- ference to his native land) was proceeding to comply with his request, he relapsed into his former state (»f ahstraction, and when the liquor was presented to him, appeared altot^cther to have forgotten that he had asked for it. " Come, Toctor," said the host, touchinp; him on the shoulder, "come, take a drop of this, it will cheer you up; you seem a peg too low to-day. It's the genuine thing, it is some the Governor, Sir Colin Campbell, gave me." " None the better for that, Peter, none the better for that, for the rich give out of their abundance, the poor from their last cup and their last loaf; one is the gift of station, the other the gift of the heart." " Indeed then, she is mistakened, man. It was the gift of as true-hearted a Highlander as ever lived. I went to see him lately, about a grant of land. He was engaged writing at the time, and an officher was standing by him for orders, and sais he to me, *My good friend, could you call to-morrow ? for I am very busy to-day, as you see.' Well, I answered him in Gaelic that the wind was fair, and I was anxious to go home, hut if he would be at leisure next week I would return again. Oh, I wish you had seen him, Doctor, when he heard his native tongue. He threw down his pen, jumped up like a boy, and took me by the hand, and shook it with all his might. * Oh,* said he, * I haven't heard that for years ; the sound of it does my heart good. Ton must come again and see me after the steamer has left for England. AVhat can I do for you ? So I told him in a few words I wanted a grant of two hundred acres of land adjoining this place. And he took a minute of my name, and of Ship Harbour, and the number of my lot, and A CRITTER WITH A THOUSAND VIRTUES t |!; li I \vTote underneath an order for the grant. *Take that to the Surveyor-General,' said he, *and the next time you come to Halifax the grant will be ready for you.' Then he rang the bell, and when the servant came, he ordered him to fill a hamper of whiskey and take it down to my vessel.' " Did you get the grant ?" said the stranger. " Indeed she did," said Peter, " and when she came to read it, it was for five instead of two hundred acres." " Good!" said the other. " Come, I like that. Fill me an- other glass and I will drink his health." " Well done, old bo^ !" said I to myself, "you know how to carry your sentimentabty to market anyhow. Doctor, doctor ! So you are a doctor," sais I to myself, " are you ? Well, there is something else in you than dougl) pills, and salts, and senna, at any rate, and that is more than most of your craft have, at all events. I'll dravr you out presently, for I never saw a man with that vein of melancholy in him, that didn't like fun, pro- vidin' his sadness warn't the effect of disease. So here's at you; I'll make the fun start or break a trace, I know." Cutler and I had been talking horsie when he came in ; a sort of talk I rather like myself, for I consait I knew a con- siderable some about it, and ain't above getting a wrinkle from others when I can. " Well," sais I, " Capting, we was a talking about horses when the doctor came in." " Captain," said the doctor, turning round to Cutler, " Captain, excuse me, Sir, how did you reach the shore ? " " In the boat," said Cutler. " Ah ! " said the other with animation, " was aU the crew saved ? " "AVe were in no danger whatever, Sir; my vessel is at anchor in the harbour." "Ah," replied the doctor, " that's fortunf.te, very fortunate ; " and turned again to the fire, with an air, as I thought, of dis- appointment, as it' he had expected a tale of horror to excite him. "We J, Mr Slick," said the captain, "let us hear your story about the horse that had a thousand virtues and only one vice At the sound of my name, the stranger gave a sudden start and gazed steadily at me, his eyebrows raised in the extra- ordinary manner that I have described, something like the festoon of a curtain, and a smile playing on his face as if ex- pecting a joke and ready to enter into it, and enjoy it. All this I observed out of the corner of my eye, without appearing to regard him or notice his scrutiny. AND BUT ONE VICE. o the ne to g the lill a oread ne an- biowto loctor ! , there senna, ave, at a man n, pro- at you; e in; a a cou- le from talking Cutler, le crew el is at mate;" of dis- excite ar your mil/ one en start extra- ke the as if ex- All this aring to Sais I, " when I had my tea-store ia Boston, I owned the fastest trotting horse in the United States ; he was a sneezer, I tell you. I called him Mandarin — a very appropriate name, you see, for my business. It was very important tor me to at- tract attention. Indeed, you must do it, you know, in our great cities, or you are run nght over, and crushed by engines of more power. Whose horse is that ? Mr Slick's the great tea- merchant. That's the great Mandarin, the fastest beast in all creation — refused five thousand dollars for him, and so on. Every wrapper I had for my tea had a print of him on it. It was action and reaction, you see. Well, this horse had a very serious fault that diminished his value in my eyes down to a hundred doUars, as far as use and comfort went. Isothing ic the world could ever induce liim to cross a bridge. lie had fallen through one when he was a colt, and got so all-fired f''ightened he never forgot it afterwards. He would stop, rear, run back, plunge, and finally kick if you punished him too hard, and smash your waggon to pieces, but cross he never would. Nobody knew this but me, and of course I warn't such a fool as to blow upon my own beast. At last I grew tired of him and determined to sell him ; but as I am a man that always adheres to the truth in my horse trades, the dif- ficulty was, how to sell him and not lose by him. Well, I had to go to Charleston, South Carolina, on business, and I took the chance to get rid of Mr Mandarin, and advertised him for sale. X worded the notice this way : " * A gentleman, being desirous of quitting Boston on ur- gent business for a time, will dispose of a first-rate horse, that he is obliged to leave behind him. None need apply but those willing to give a long price. The animal may be seen at Deacon Seth's livery stables.' " Well, it was soon known that Mandarin was for sale, and several persons came to know the lowest figure. * Four thou- sand dollars,' said I, * and if I didn't want to leave Boston in a hurry, six would be the price.' " At last young Mr Parker, the banker's son from Bethany, called and said he wouldn't stand for the price, seeing that a hundred doUars was no more than a cord of wood in his pocket (good gracious, how the doctor laughed at that phrase!), but would like to inquire a little about the critter, confidential like. " * I will answer any questions you ask,' I said, candidly. " * Is he sound ? ' "'Sound as a new hackmetack trenail. Drive it all day, and you can't broom it one mite or morsel.' m A CRITTER WITH A THOUSAND VIRTUES ' " ' Good in harness ? * , "'Excellent.' " * Can he do his mile in two fifteen ? * " ' He has done it. •"Now between man and man,' sais he, *what is your reason for selling the horse, Slick? for you are not so soft as to be tempted by price out of a first chop article like that.* " * Well, candidly,' sais I, ' for I am like a cow's tail, straight up and down in my dealins, and ambition the clean thing.' " " Straight up and down!" said the doctor aloud to himself; * straight up and down like a cow's tail. Oh Jupiter ! what a simile! and yet it ain't bad, for one end is sure to be in the dirt. A man may be the straight thing, that is right up and down, like a cow'h tail, but hang me if he can be the clean thing anyhow he can fix it." And he stretched out his feet to their full length, put his hands in his trowsers pocket, held down his head, and clucked like a hen that is calling her chickens. I vow I could hardly help bustin' out a larfin myself, for it wam't a slow remark of hisn, and showed fun ; in fact, I was sure at first he was a droll boy. " "Well, as I was a sayin', sais I to Mr Parker, * Candidly, now, my only reason for partin' with that are horse is, that I want to go away in a hurry out of Boston clear down to Charleston, South Carolina, and as I can't take him with me, I prefer to seU him." " ' Well,' sais he, * the beast is mine, and here is a cheque for your money.' " ' Well,' sais I, ' Parker, take care of him, for you have got a fust-rate critter. He is all sorts of a horse, and one that is all I have told you, and more too, and no mistake.' " Every man that buys a new horse, in a general wa7, is in a great hurry to try him. There is sumthin' very takin' in a new thing. A new watch, a new coat, no, I reckon it's best to except a new spic and span coat (for it's too glossy, and it don't set easy, till it's worn awhile, and perhaps I might say a new saddle, for it looks as if you warn't used to ridin', except when you went to Meetin' of a Sabbaday, and kept it covered all the week, as a gall does her bonnet, to save it Irom the flies) ; but a new waggon, a new sleigh, a new house, and above all a new wife, has great attractions. Still you get tired of them aU in a short while ; you soon guess the hour instead of pullin' out the watch for everlastin'. The waggon loses its novelty, and so does the sleigh, and the house is surpassed next month by a larger and finer one, and as you can't carry it about to show folks, you soon find it is too expensive to inWte them to come AND BUT ONE VICE. , IS in In' in ;o come and admire it. But the wife ; oh, Lord ! In a general way, there ain't more difference between a grub and a butterfly, than between a sweetheart and wife. Yet the grub and the butterfly is the same thing, only, differently rigged out, and so is the sweetheart and wife. Both critters crawl about the house, and ain't very attractive to look at, and both turn out so fine and so painted when they go abroad, you don't scarcely know them agin. Both, too, when they get out of doors, seem to have no other airthly object but to show themselves. They don't go straight there and back again, as if there was an end in view, but they first flaimt to the right, and then to the left, and then ever3rwhere in general, and yet nowhere in particular. To be seen and admired is the object of both. They are all finery, and that is so in their way they can neither sit, walk, nor stand conveniently in it. They are never happy, but when on the wing." "Oh, Lord!" said the doctor to himself, who seemed to think aloud ; " I wonder if that is a picture or a caricature ?" Thinks I, " old boy, you are sold. I said that a purpose to find you out, for I am too fond of feminine gender to make fun of them. Tou are a single man. If you was married, I guesa you wouldn't ask that are question." But I went on. " Now a horse is different, you never get tired of a good one. He don't fizzle out * like the rest. You like him better and better every day. He seems a part of your- self; he is your better half, your ' halter hego ' as I heard a cockney once call his fancy gall. " This bein' the case, as I was a sayin*, as soon as a man gits a new one, he wants to try him. So Parker puts Mandarin into harness, and drives away like wink for Salem, but when he came to the bridge, the old coon stopt, put forward his ears, snorted, champed his bit, and stamped nis fore feet. Pirst Parker coaxed him, but that did no good, and then he gave him the whip, and he reared straight up on eend, and nearly fell over into his waggon. A man that was crossing over at the time took him by the head to lead him, when he suddenly wheeled half round, threw him in the mud, and dragged him in the gutter, as he backed up agin the side walk all standin'. Parker then laid on the whip, hot and heavy ; he gave him a most righteous lickin'. Mandarin returned blow for blow, until he kicked the waggon all to flinders. " "Well, I must say that for his new owner, he was a plucky fellow, as well as Mandarin, and wam't agoin' to cave in that .way. So he takes him back to the livery stables, and puts him * Fizzle out. To prove a failure. 1 1 46 A CRITTER ^VITH A TnOUS.\ND VIRTUES ; '- into another carriage, and off he starts agin, and thinkin' that the horse had seen or smelt sumthen at that bridge to scare him, he tries another, when the same scene was acted over again, only he was throwed out, and had his clothes nearly tore off. Well, that afternoon, up comes Parker to me, choking with rage. " 'Slick,' said he, 'that is the greatest devil of a horse I ever see. He has dashed two carriages all to shivereens, and nearly tuckard the innerds out of me and another man. I don't think you have acted honestly by me.' " 'Parker,' said I, 'don't you use words that you don't know the meanin' of, and for goodness gracious sake don't come to me to teach you manners, I beseech you, for I am a rough school- master, I tell you. I answered every question you asked me, candidly, fair and square, and above board.' " ' Didn't you know,' said he, ' that no living man could git that horse across a bridge, let him do his darndest ? ' " ' I did,' said I, ' know it to my cost, for he nearly killed me in a fight we had at the Salem Pike.' " ' How could you then tell me, Sir, your sole reason for part- ing with him was, that you wanted to leave Boston and go to Charleston ? ' " ' Because, Sir,' I replied, * it was the literal truth. Boston, you know as well aa I do, is almost an island, and go which way you will, you must cross a bridge to get out of it. I said I wanted to quit the city, and was compelled to lea /e my horse behind. How could I ever quit the place with that tormented beast ? And warn't I compelled to leave him when Old Scratch himself couldn't make him obey orders ? If I had a waited to leave town till he would cross a bridge, I should have had to have waited till doomsday.' " He scratched his head and looked foolish. * What a devil of a sell,' said he. ' That will be a standing joke agin me as long as I live.' " ' I don't see that,' said I, ' if you had been deceived, you might have called it a sell, but you bought him with your eyes and ears open, and a full knowledge of the truth. And, after all, where will you go to better yourself? for the most that can be said is, you have got a critter with a thousand virtues and hut one vice.* " ' Oh, get out ! ' said he, * and let me alone.* And he walked off, and looked as sheepish as you please." " * Oh dear ! " said the doctor ; " oh dear.'* And he placed his hands on his ribs, and walked round the room in a bent po- sition, like a man affected with colic, and laughed as if he w-as hysterical, saying, " Oh dear ! Oh,. Mr Slick, that's a capital AND BUT ONE VICE. 47 story. Oh, you would make a now man of me soon, I am sure you woiild, it" I was any time witli you. 1 haven't laughed be- fore that way for many a long day. Oh, it does me good. There is nothing like fun, is there ? 1 haven't any mvself, but I do like it in others. Oh, we need it. AV'e need all the counter- weights we can muster to balance the sad relations of life. Ood has made sunny spots in the heart ; why should tie exclude the light from them ? ^* " Stick a pin in that, Doctor," says I, ''for it's worth remem- berin' as a wise saw." He then took up his wallet, and retired to his room to change his clothes, saying to himself, in an under-tone : " Stick a pin in it. "What a queer phrase ; and yet it's expressive, too. It's the way I preserve my insects." The foregoing conversation had scarcely terminated, when Peter's daughters commenced their preparations for the evening meal. And I confess I was never more surprised than at the appearance of the elder one, Jessie. In form and beauty she far exceeded the pilot's high encomiums. She was taller than American women generally are ; but she was so admirably pro- portioned and well developed, you were not aware of her height, till you saw her standing near her sister. Her motions were all quiet, natural, and graceful, and there was an air about her, that nothing but the native ease of a child of the forest, or high- bred elegance of fashionable life, can ever impart. She had the delicate hands and small feet peculiar to Indian women. Her hair was of the darkest and deepest jet, but not so coarse as that of the aborigines; whilst her large black eyes were oval in shape, liquid, shaded by long lashes, and over-arched by delicately-pen- cilled brows. Her neck was long, but full, and her shoulders would have been the envy of a London ball-room. She was a perfect model of a woman. It is true she had had the advantage, when young, of being the companion of the children of the Governor of the Fort, and had been petted, partially educated, and patronised by his wife. But neither he nor his lady could have imparted what it is pro- bable neither possessed, much polish of manner or refinement of mind. "We hear of nature's noblemen, but that means rather manly, generous, brave fellows, than polished men. There are however splendid specimens of men, and beautiful looking wo- men, among the aborigines. Extremes meet ; and it is certain that the ease and grace of highly civilised life do not surpass those of untutored nature, that neither concedes nor claims a superiority to others. She was altogether of a different stamp from her sister, who was a common-looking person, and resem- :^ is A CRITTER WITH A THOUSAND VIRTUES bled the ordinary females to be found In savage life. Stout, strong, and rather stolid, accustomed to drudg*' aud to obey, rather than to be petted aud rule ; to receive and not to give orders, and to submit from habit and choice. One seemed far above, and the other as much below, the station of their father. Jessie, though reserved, would converse if addressed ; the other shunned conversation as much as possible. Both father aud daughters seemed mutually attached to each other, and their conversation was carried on with equal facility in Indian, French, Gaelic, and English, although reter spoke the last somewhat indillerentlv. In the evening a young man, of the name of Eraser, with his two sisters, children of a High- land neighbour, came in to visit the McDonalds, and Peter pro- ducing his violin, we danced jigs and reels, in a manner and with a spirit not often seen but in Ireland or Scotland. The doctor, unable to withstand the general excitement, joined in the dances with as much animation as any of us, and seemed to enjoy himself amazingly. " Ah, Mr Slick," said he, patting me on the shoulder, " this is the true philosophy of life. But how is it with your dispo- sition for fun, into which you enter with all your heart, that you have such a store of ' wise saws.' How in the world did you ever acquire them? for your time seems to have been spent more in the active pursuits of life than in meditation. Excuse me, I neither undervalue your talent nor power of observation, but the union does not seem quite natural, it is so much out of the usual course of things." " Well," sais I, " Doctor, you have been enough in the woods to know that a rock, accidentally falling from a bank into a brook, or a drift-log catching cross-ways of the stream, will often change its whole course, and give it a different direction; haven't you ? Don't you know that the smallest and most trivial event often contains colouring matter enough in it to change the whole complexion of our life ? Eor instance, one Saturday, not long before I left school, and when I was a considerable junk of a boy, father gave me leave to go and spend the day with Eb Snell, the son of our neighbour old Colonel Jephunny Snell. "We amused ourselves catching trout in the mill-pond, aud shooting king-fishers, about the hardest bird there is to kill in all crea- tion, and between one and the other sport, you may depend we enjoyed ourselves first-rate. Towards evenin' I heard a most an awful yell, and looked round, and there was Eb shoutin' and screamin' at the tip eend of his voice, and a jumpin' up and down, as if he had been bit by a rattlesnake. « * What in nator is the matter of you, Eb ? ' sais I. ' What AND BUT ONE VICE. 4d ; long : of a SneU, We ooting crea- nd we L most in' and down, What are you a maliin' such nn everlastin' touss about ? ' But the more 1 asked, the more he wouhln't ansv.er. At last, I thought I saw a splash in the water, as if somebotly was making a des- perate splurging there, and I pulled for it, and raced to where newas in no time, and sure enough there was his little brother, Zeb, just a sinkin' out of sight. So I makes a spring in after him in no time, caught him by the hair of his head, just as he was vamosing, and swam ashore with him. The bull-rushes and long water-grass was considerable thick there, and once or twice I thought in my soul I should have to let go my hold of the child, and leave him to save my own life, my teet got so tangled in it ; but I stuck to it like a good fellow, and worked my pas- sage out with the youngster. " Just then, down came the women folk and all the family of the Snells, and the old woman made right at me, as cross as a bear that has cubs, she looked like a perfect fury " * You good-for-nothin' young scallowag,' said she, * is that the way you take care of that poor dear little boy, to let him fall into the pond, and get half drowned ? ' " And she up and boxed my ears right and left, till sparks came out of my eyes like a blacksmith's chimney, and my hat, which was all soft with water, got the crown knocked in in thj scuffle, and was as flat as a pancake. " * What's all this,' sais Colonel Jephunny, who came runnin' out of the mill. ' Eb,' sais he, ' what's all this ? ' " Well, the critter was so frightened he couldn't do nothin', but jump np and down, nor say a word, but * Sam, Sam ! ' " So the old man seizes a stick, and catchin' one of my hands in his, turned to, and gave me a most an awful hidin'. He cut me into ribbons a'most. " * I'll teach you,' he said, * you villain, to throw a child into the water arter that fashin.' And he turned to, and at it agin, as hard as he could lay on. I believe in my soul he would have nearly killed me, if it hadn't a been for a great big nigger wench he had, called Rose. My ! what a slashin' large woman, that was ; half horse, half alligator, with a cross of the mammoth in her. She wore a man's hat and jacket, and her petticoat had stuff enough in it to make the mainsail of a boat. Her foot was as long and as flat as a snow shoe, and her hands looked as shapeless and as hard as two large sponges froze solid. Her neck was as thick as a buU's, and her scalp was large and woolly enough for a door-mat. She was as strong as a moose, and as ugly too ; and her great white pointed teeth was a caution to a shark. " * Hullo,' sais she, ' here's the devil to pay, and no pitch 4 50 A CBI'ITEB WITH A THOUSAND VIRTUES hot. Are you a goin' to kill that y :«r, massa?* and she seized hold of me and took me away from mm, and caught me up in her arms as ea«y as if I was a doll. " * Here's a pretty hurrahs nest,* sais she, * let me see one of you dare to lav bancb on this brave pickininny. He is more of a man than tne whole bilin' of you put together. My poor child,' said she, ' they have used you scandalous, ridiculous,* and she held down her nasty oily shiny face and kissed me, , till she nearly smothered me. Oh, Doctor, T. shall never forget that scene the longest day I ever live. She might a been Rose by name, but she wam't one by nature, I te]l i/ou. When niggers get their dander raised, and their ebenezer fairly up, they ain't otter of roses, that's a fact ; whatever Mrs Stowe may say. Oh, I kicked and yelled and coughed like anything. " * Poor dear boy,' she said, * Rosy ain't a goin' to hurt hep own bra> J child,' not she, and she kisb'ed me again and again, till I thought I should have fainted. She actually took away my breath. " * Come,' said she, and she set me down on my feet. * Come to the house, till I put some dry clothes on you, and I'll make some lasses candy for you with my own hands!' But as soon as I touched land, I streaked off for home, as hard as I could lay legs to the ground ; but the perfume of old Rose set me a sneezing so, I fairly blew up the dust in the road as I went, as if a bull had been pawin of it, and left a great wet streak behind me as if a watering-pot had passed that way. Who should I meet when 1 returned, but mother a standin at the door. " * Why, Sam,' said she, ' what under the sun is the matter ? What a spot of work ? WTiere in the world have you been ?' " * In the irall pond,' said I. " * In the mill pond,' said she, slowly ; * and ruinnted that beautiful new coat I made out of your father's old one, and turned so nicely for you. You are more trouble to me than all the rest of the boys put together. Go right oflf to your room this blessed instant minite, and go to bed and say your prayers, and render thanks for savin' your clothes, if you did lose your life.' " * I wish I had lost my life,' said I. "'Wish you had lost your life?' said she. 'Why you miserable, onsarcumsised, onjustified, graceless boy. Why do you wish you had lost your life ? ' " ' Phew, phew,' said I, ' was you ever kissed by a nigger ? because if you was, I guess you wouldn't have asked that are question,' and I sneezed so hard I actually blew down the wire cage, the door of it flew open, and the cat made a spring like wink and killed the canary bird. J ^ AND BUT ONE VICE. 51 ^t " * Sam, Sam,' said she (* aknt, skat, yon nasty devil, you — you have got the knary, I do declare.) Sam ! Sam ! to think I should have lived to hear you ask your mother if she had ever been kissed by a nigger!' and she began to boohoo right out. * 1 do believe m my soul you are drunk, Sam,' said she. " * I shouldn't wonder if I was,' said I, * for I have drunk enough to-day to sen'e a cow and a calf for a week.' " * Go right off to bed ; my poor dear bird,' said she. * And when your lather comes in I will send him to your cage. You Bhall be punished for this.' " * I don't care,' sais I, for I was desperate and didn't mind ■what happened, ' who you send, providin' you don't send black Rose, the nigger wench to me.' " "Well, in about an hour or so T heard father come to tho foot of the stairs and call out ' Sam.' I didn't answer at first, but went and threw the winder open ready for a jump. " Thinks I, ' Sam, you are in great luck to-day. Ist. You got nearly drowned, savin' that little brat Zeb Snell. 2 id. You lost a bran new hat, and spoilt your go-to-meetin' clothes. 3rd. Mrs Snell boxed your ears till your eyes shot stars, like rockets. 4th. You got an all-fired licking from old Colonel Jephunny, till he made a mulatto of you, and you was half black and half white. 5th. You got kissed and pysoned by that great big emancipated she-nigger wench. 6th. You nave killed your mother's canary bird, and she has jawed you till she went into hysterics. 7th. Here's the old man a gom' to give you another walloping and all for nothin. I'll cut and run, and dot drot me if I don't, for it's tarnation aU over.' " * Sam,' sais father again, a raisin' of his voice. " * Father,' sais I, * I beg your pardon, I am very sorry for what I have done, and I think I have been punished enough. If you will promise to let me off this time, I will take my oath I win never save another person from drowning again, the long- est day I ever live.' * ' Come down,' said he, ' when I teU you, I am goin' to re- ward you.' " ' Thank you,' sais I, ' I have been rewarded already more than I deserve.' " Well, to make a long story short, we concluded a treaty of peace, and down I went, and there was Colonel Snell, who said he had drove over to beg my pardon for the wrong he had done to me, and said he, ' Sam, come to me at ten o'clock on Monday, and I will put you in a way to make your fortune, as a recom- pense for saving my child's life.' " Well, I kept the appointment, tho' I was awful skared C2 A CRI'ITKR WITH A THOUSAND VIRTUES. about old lioHo ki«Hin of m<: n^nin ; and sai.s lie, 'Saiii, ' want to hIiow you my eHtiibilHhmcnt tor iiiJikinj^wof)dt'n clockH. Oik? o' them can bo nianufactured for two (lollara, scale of prices then. Come to me for three montliH. ptkI 1 will teach you the trade, only you nuiHu't corry it on in Connecticut to undermine me.* 1 did so, and thus aceidentally I became a elockinaker. "To sell my wares I came to Nova Scotia. By a pimilur iccident I met the 8(jin*r(» in this ])rovince, and made his ac- quaintance. I wrote a journal of our tour, and for want of a title he put my name to it, and called it ' Sam Slick, the Cloclt- maker.' T'',at book introduced me to General Jackson, and he appointed uie at^^ache to our embassy to England, and that again led to Mr Polk making me CommissioTier of the Fisheries, which, in its turn, v.as the means of my having the honour of your acquaintance," and I made him a scrape of my hind leg. "Now," sais I, "all this came from the accident of my havin' saved a child's life one day. 1 o»\ • my * wise saws ' to a similar accident. My old master and friend, that you haA'e read of in my books, Mr Hopewell, was chock full of them. He used to call them wisdom boiled down to rn essence, concretes, and I don't know what all. He had a book full of English, Erench, Spanish, Italian, G'.iman, and above all, Bible ones. Well, he used to make me learn them by heart for lessons, till I was I'airlv Rick and tired to death of 'em. " * Minister,' sais I, one day, * whi under the sun is the use of them old, musty, fusty proverbs. A boy might as well wear his father's boots, and ride in his long stirrups, as talk in max- ims, it would only set other boys a laughin* at him. " * Sam,' sais he, * you don't understand them now, and you don't understand your Latin grammar, tho' you can say them both oft' by heart. But you will see the value of one when you come to know the world, and the other, when you come to know the language. The latter will make you a good scholar, and the former a wise man.' " Minister was right. Doctor. As I came to read the book of life, I soon began to understand, appreciate, and apply my proverbs. Maxims are deductions ready drawn, and better ex- Eressed than I could do them, to save my soul alive. Now I ave lamed to make them myself. I have acquired the habit, as my brother the lawyer sais, * of extracting the principle from cases.' Do you take ? I am not the accident of an accident ; for I believe the bans of marriage were always duly published in our family ; but I am the accident of an incident." "There is a great moral in that too, Mr Slick," he said. I want Ono prii't'S nu tlio tTininu iiktT. pimilar his ac- nt of a Cloclt- •n, and id, and of the ng tho ) of iny of my F8 ' to a >u have im. He iicretes, English, [e ones. 0118, till the use ill wear in max- md you ly them len you oknow ar, and le book )ply my ter ex- Now I e habit, )le from eident ; iblished le said. A m:\v way IT) li:arn Gaelic. 53 '* How iinporhiiit is Cfindiict. when the morost trifle may carry in its train the misery or happiuesn of your future lile." "Stick a pin in that also. Doetor," said I. Here Cutler and the pilot eut short our convorantion by going on board. Hut Peter wouldn't hear of my leaving hiH house, and 1 aeeordingly spent the night there, not a little amused with my new act^uaiutuuccd. CHAPTER V. A NEW WAY TO LEATIN GAELIC. After the captain and Ihe pilot had retired, sais I, "Miss Jessie, sposin we young folks — (ah me, it is time to get a new word, I guess, for that one has been used so long, it's e'en amost worn out now) — sposin we young folks leave the doctor and your father to fiuish theit* huntin' stories, and let us go to the other room, and have a dish of chat about things in general, and sweethearts in particular." " Oh, we live too much alone here," said she, " to know any- thing of such matters, but we will go if you wiU promise to tell us one of your funny stories. They say yoa have written a whole book full of them ; how I should bke to see it." " "Would you, Miss ? " said I, " well, then, you shall have one, for I have a copy on board I believe, and I shall be only too proud if you will read it to remember me by. But my best stories ain't in my books. Somehow or another, when I want them they won't come, and at other times when I get a goin talkin, I can string them together like onions, one after the other, till the twine is out. I have a heap of them, but they are all mixed and confused like in my mind, and it seems as if I never could find the one I need. Do you work in worsted, Miss?" " Well, a little," sais she. " It is only town-bred girls, who have nothing to attend to but their dress and to go to balls, that have leisure to amuse themselves that way ; but I can work a little, though I could never do anythin' fit to be seen or ex- amined." " I shouldn't wonder," said I, and I paused, and she looked as if she didn't over half like my taking her at her w^ord that way. " I shouldn't wonder," said I, " for I am sure your eyes would fade the colour out of the worsted." 64 A NEW WAY TO LE.VRN OAEUC. " \Vliy, Mr Sllok," unit! she, drawing hcreelf up a bit, " what nonscnso you do talk, what a quiz you be." " Fact," Bais I, " Miss, I assure you, never try it aRaln, you will be sure to spoil it. Hut as 1 was a sayiu. Miss, when you see a thread of a particular colour, you know whether you have any more like it or not, so when a man tells me a story, I know whether I have one of the same kind to match it or not, and if 80, 1 know where to lay my hand on it ; but I must have a clue to my yams." Hquire, there is something very curious about memory, I don't think there is such a thing as total forgetfulness. I used once to think there was, but I don't now. It used to see'^ to me that things rusted out, but now it appears as if they w»-re only misplaced, or overlaid, or stowed away like where you can't find them ; but depend on it, when once there, they remain for ever. How often you are asked, " Don't you recollect this or that ? " and you answer, " No, 1 never heard, or saw it, or read it," as the case may be. And when the time, and place, and circumstances are told you, you say, " Stop a bit, I do now mind Bomething about it, wam't it so and so, or this way, or that way," and finally up it comes, all fresh to your recollection. Well, until you get the clue given you, or the key note is struck, you are ready to take your oath you never heard of it afore. Memory has many cells. Some of them ain't used much, and dust and cobwebs get about them, and you can't tell where the hinge is, or can't easily discam the secret spring ; but open it once, and whatever is stowed away there is as safe and sound as ever. I have a good many capital stories poked aw^ in them cubby-holes, that I can't just lay my hand on when I want to ; but now and then, when looking for something else, I stumble upon them by accident. Tell you what, as for forgettin' a thing tee-totally, I don't believe there is sich a thing in natur. But to get back to my story. " Miss," sais I, " I can't just at this present moment call to mind a story to please you. Some of them are about host^es, or clocks, or rises taken out of folks, or dreams, or courtships, or ghosts, or what not ; but few of them wiU answer, for they are either too short or too long." " Oh," says Catherine Fraser, " tell us a courtship ; I dare say you will make great fun of it." "No, no," says Jessie, "tell us a ghost story. Oh! I de- light in them." " Oh," said Janet, " tell us about a dream. I know one my- self which came out as correct as provin' a sum." " That's it, Miss Janet," said I ; "do you tell me that story, A NEW WAY TO LKARN GAi:UC. r>5 le my- stoiy, plonap, nnd it's hard if I can't find one that will ph'ano you in return for it." " Yen, do, dear," said JeHsie; "tell Mr Slick that Htory, for it's a true one, and I should like to hear what he thinks of it, or how he can account for it." " Well," said Janet, "you must excuse mo, Mr Slick, for any mistakes I make, for I don't speak very t^ood Kiigli8h,and I can hardly tell a story all through in that lani;ua(;e. "I have a brother that lives up one of the branches of the Buctouche River in New Brunswick. Jle bought a tract of land there four or five years ago, on which there was a house and bam, and about a hundred acres of cleared land. lie made ex- tensive improvements on it, and went to a great expense in clear- ing up the stumps, and buying stock and farming implements, and wnat not. One season, between plantin' and harvest, he run short of money for his common daily use, and to pay some little debts he owed, and he was very dull about it. He said he knew he could come here and borrow it from father, but he didn't like to be away from home so long, and hardly knew how the family was to get on or to pay the wages till his return, so it was agreed that I was to go the next Monday in a vessel bound for Halifax and bring him what he wanted. " At that time, he had a field back in the woods he was cul- tivating. Between that and the front on the river, was a poor sand flat covered with spruce, birch, and poplar, and not worth the expense of bringing to for the plough. The road to the back field ran through this wood land. He was very low-spirited about his situation, for he said if he was to borrow the money of a merchant, he would require a mortgage on his place, and perhaps sell it before he knew where he was. "Well, that night he woke up his wife, and said to her — " * Mary,' said he, ' I have had a very curious dream lust now. I dreamed that as I was going out to the baek lot with the ox- cart, I found a large sum of money all in dollars in the road there.* " * Well,' says Mary, ' I wish it was true, John, but it is too good news for us. The worriment we have had about money lately has set you a dreaming. Janet sails on Monday, she will soon be back, and then it wiU all be right ; so go to sleep again, dear.' " Well, in the morning, when he and his wife got up, he never spoke or thought any more about the dream, but as soon as breakfast was over, he and his man yoked up the oren, put them to the cart, and lifted the harrow into it, and started for the field. The Bervont drove the team, and John walked behind with ."% 56 A NEW WAY TO LEARN G.VELIC. his head down, a turning over in his mind whether he couldn't sell something off the farm to keep matters a-goin' till I should return, when all at once, as they were passing through the wood, he observed that there was a line of silver dollars turned up by one of the wheels of the cart, and continued for the space of sixty feet and theu ceased. " The moment he saw the money he thought of his dream, and he was so overjoyed that he was on the point of calling out to the man to stop, but he thought it was more prudent as they were alone in the woods to say nothing about it. So he walked on, and joined the driver, and kept him in talk for a while. And then, as if he had suddenly thought of something, said, * Jube, do you proceed to the field and go to work till I come. I shall have to go to the house for a short time.' " "Well, as soon as he got out of sight of the cart, off he ran home as hard as he could lay legs to it, only stopping to take up a handful of the coins to make sure they were real. " ' Mary, Mary,' sais he, ' the dream has come true ; I have found the money — see here is some of it ; there is no mistake ; ' and he threw a few pieces down on the hearth and rung them ' They are genuine Spanish crowns. Do you and Janet bring the market-basket, while I go for a couple of hoea, and let us gather it all up.' " Well, sure enough, when we came to the place he men- tioned, there was the wheel-track full of dollars. He and I hoed each side of the rut, which seemed to be in a sort of yellow pow- der, like the dust of rotten wood, and got out all we could find. We afterwards tried under the opposite wheel, and behind and before the rut, but could find no more, and when we got home we counted it, and found we had eighty-two pounds, five shil- lings. " ' Well, this is a God-send, Mary, ain't it ? ' said brother ; and she threw her arms round his neck, and cried for joy as she kissed him.*' " Which way," said I, " show me, Miss, how she did it, only yo'i may laugh instead of cry if you like." " Not being a wife," said she, with great quickness, " I can- not show you myself, but you may imagine it, it will do just as well, or dream it, and that will do better. " Well, John was a scrupulous man, and he was determined to rcRtore the money, if he could find an owner for it ; but he could hear of no one who had lost any, nor any tradition in that place that any one ever had done so since the first settlement of the country. All that he could discover was, that about forty ■s ears before, an old Frenchman had lived somewhere thereabouts A NEW WAY TO LKARN GAEUC. m only ■nined ut he that entof forty- bouts alone, in the midst of the woods. AV^ho he was, or what became of him, nobody knew ; all he eoiihl hear was, tlmt a party of lumbermen had, some years afterwards, found his house amidst a second growth of young wood that wholly concealed it, and that it contained his furniture, cooking utensils, and trunks, aa he had left them. Some supposed he had been devoured by bears or wolves ; others, that he had been lost in the woods ; and some, that he had died by his own hands. " On hearing this, John went to examine his habitation, or the remains of it, and he found that about four acres around it were covered with the second growth, as it is called, which was plainly to be distinguished from the forest, as the trees were not only not so large or so old as the neighbouring ones, but, as is always the case, were of a different description of wood altoge- ther. On a careful inspection of the spot where he foimd the money, it appeared that the wheel had passed lengthways along an enormous old decayed pine, in the hollow of which he sup- posed the money must have been hid ; and when the tree fell, the dollars had rolled along its centre fifty feet or more, and re- mained there until the wood was rotten, and had crumbled into dust. " There, Sir, there is my story ; it is a true one, I assure you, for I was present at the time. AVhat do you think of it ? " " Well," sais I, " if he had never heard a rumour, nor had any reason to suppose that the money had been hid there, why it was a sing^^dar thing, and looks very much like a—" •' Like a what ? " said she. " Like a supply that one couldn't count upon a second time, that's all." "It's a dream that was fidfiUed though," she said; "and that don't often happen, does it ? " * " Unless," sais I, " a young lady was to dream now that she was a going to be married to a certain person, and that does often come true. Do you — " " Oh, nonsense," said she. " Come, do tell us your story now, you know you promised me you would if I related mine." " Yes," said Miss Jessie ; " come now, Mr Slick, that's a good man, do ? " Sais I, " Miss, I will give you my book instead, and that will tell you a hundred of them." " Yes, but when will you give it to me ? " she replied. " To-morrow," said I, "as soon as I go on board. But mind, • The names of the parsons and rivei are alone changed in this extraor- dinary story. The actors are still living, and are persons of undoubted vera- city and roip ictability. 58 A NEW WAY TO LEARN GAELIC. there is one condition." And T said in Gaelic: " Feumieth tTiu pog tlioir dhomh eur a shon (you must give me a kiss for it)." " Oh," said she, lookin' not over pleased, I consaited ; but perhaps it was because the other girls laughed liked anything, as if it was a capital joke, " that's not fair, you said you would give it, and now you want to sell it. If that's the case I will pay the money for it." " Oh, fie," sais I, " Miss Jessie." "Well, I want to know!" " No, indeed ; what I meant was to give you that book to remember me by when I am far away from here, and I wanted you to give me a little token, O do hhilean hoidheach (from your pretty lips), that I should remember the longest day I live." " You mean that you would go away, laugh, and forget right off. No, that won't do, but if you must have a token I will look lip some little keepsake to exchange for it. Oh, dear, what a horrid idea," she said, quite scomey like, "to trade for a kiss; it's the way father buys his fish, he gives salt for them, or flour, or some such barter, oh, Mr Slick, I don't think much of you. But for goodness gracious sake how did you learn Gaelic ? " " From lips, dear," said I, " and that's the reason I shall never forget it." " No, no," said she, " but how on earth did jou ever pick it up." "I didn't pick it up. Miss," said I, "I kissed it up, and as you want a story I might as well tell you that as any other." " It depends upon what sort of a story it is," said she, co- louring. " Oh, ves," said the Campbell girls, who didn't appear quite so skittish as she was, " do tell us. no doubt you will make a funny one out of it. Come, begin." Squire, you are older than I be, and I suppose you will think all this sort of thing is clear sheer nonsense, but depend upon it a kiss is a great mystery. There is many a ihing we know that we can't explain, still we are sure it is a fa*t for all that. "Why should there be a sort of magic in shaking hands, which seems only a mere form, and sometimes a painful one too, for some folks wring your fingers off" amost, and make you fairly dance with pain, they hurt you so. It don't give much pleasure at any time. What the magic of it is we can't tell, but so it is for all that. It seems only a custom like bowing and nothing else, still there is more in it than meets the eye. But a kiss fairly electrifies you, it warms your blood and sets your heart a beatin' like a brass drum, and makes your eyes twinkle like stars in a frosty night. It tante a thing ever to be forgot. No f f A NEW WAY TO LEARN GAELIC. language can expre88 it, no letters vnW give the sound. Then what in natur is equal to the flavour of it ? "NV^hat an aroma it has ! How spiritual it is ! It ain't gross, for you can't feed on it ; it don't cloy, for the palate ain't required to test its taste. It is neither visible, nor tangible, nor portable, nor transferable. It is not a substance, nor a liquid, nor a vapour. It has neither colour nor form. Imagination can't conceive it. It can't be imitated or forged. It is confined to no clime or country, but is ubiquitous. It is disembodied when completed, but is in- stantly reproduced, and so is immortal. It is as old as the cre- ation, and yet is as young and fresh as ever. It preexisted, still exists, and always will exist. It pervades all natur. The breeze as it passes kisses the rose, and the pendant vine stoops down and hides with its tendrils its blushes, as it kisses the limpid stream that waits in an eddy to meet it, and raises its tiny waves, like anxious lips to receive it. Depend upon it Eve learned it in Paradise, and was taught its beauties, virtues, and varieties by an angel, there is something so transcendent in it. How it is adapted to all circumstances ! There is the kiss of welcome and of parting, the long-lingering, loving present one, the stolen or the mutual one, the kiss of love, of joy, and of sor- row, the seal of promise, and the receipt of fulfilment. Is it strange therefore that a woman is invincible whose armoury consists of kisses, smiles, sighs, and tears ? Is it any wonder that poor old Adam was first tempted, and then ruined ? It is very easy for preachers to get up with long faces and tell us he ought to have been more of a man. My opinion is, if he had been less of a man, it would have been better for him. But I am not agoin' to preach ; so I will get back to my story ; but, Stjiare, I shall always maintain to my dying day, that kissing Lj a sublime mystery. " Well," sais I, " ladies, I was broughten up to home, on my father's farm, and my edecation, what little I had of it, I got from the Minister of Slickville, Mr Joshua Hopewell, who was a friend of my father's, and was one of the best men I believe that ever lived. He was all kindness and all gentleness, and was at the same time one of the most learned men in the United States. He took a great fancy to me, and spared no pains with my schooling, and I owe eveiything I have in the world to his instruction. I didn't mix much with other boys, and, from liv- ing mostly with people older than myself, acquired an old -fash- ioned way that I have never been able to shake off yet ; all the boys called me ' Old Slick.' In course, I didn't learn much of life that way. All I knew about the world beyond our house and hisin, was from book*?, and from hearing him talk, and he m A NEW WAY TO LE.VRN GAELIC. convarsed better than any book I ever set eyes on. Well, in course I grew up unsophisticated like, and I think I may say 1 was as innocent a young man as ever you see." Oh, how they all laughed at that ! " You ever innocent ! " said they. " Come, that's good ; we like that ; it's capital ! Sam Slick an innocent boy ! Well, that must have been before you were u'eaned, or talked in joining hand, at any rate. How sim- ple we are, ain't we ?" and they laughed themselves into a hoop- ing-cough amost. " Fact, Miss Janet," said I, " I assure you " (for she seemed the most tickled at the idea of any of them) " I was, indeed. I won't go for to pretend to say some of it didn't rub off when it became dry, when I was fishing in the world on my own hook ; but, at the time I am speaking of, when I was twenty-one next grass, I was so guileless, I couldn't see no harm in anything." "So I should think," said she; "it's so like you." " Well, at that time there was a fever, a most horrid typhus fever, broke out in Slickville, brought there by some shipwrecked emigrants. There was a Highland family settled in the town the year afore, consisting of old Mr Duncan Chisholm, his wife, and daughter Flora. The old people were carried off by the dis- ease, and Flora was left without friends or means, and the worst of it was, she could hardly speak a word of intelligible English. Well, Minister took great pity on her, and spoke to father about taking her into his house, as sister Sally was just married, and the old lady left without any companion ; and they agreed to take her as one of them, and she was in return to help mother all she could, So, next day, she came, and took up hei' quarters with us. Oh my, Miss Janet, vvhat a beautiful girl she was ! She was as tall as you are, Jessie, and had the same delicate lit- tle feet and hands." I threw that in on purpose, for women, in a general way, don't like to hear others spoken of too extravagant, particularly if you praise them for anything they hain't got ; but if you praise them for anything they pride themselves on, they are satis- fied, because it shows you estimate them also at the right valy, too. It took, for she pushed her foot out a little, and rocked it up and down slowly, as if she was rather proud of it. " Her hair was a rich auburn, not red (I don't like that at all, for it is like a lucifer-match, apt to go oflf into a flame spon- tinaeiously sometimes), but a golden colour, and lots of it too, just about as much as she could cleverly manage ; eyes like dia- monds ; complexion, red and white roses ; and teeth, not quite so regular as yours. Miss, but as white as them ; and lips — lick ! —they reminded one of a curl of rich rose-leaves, when the bud A NEW WAY TO LEARN GAELIC. m first begins to swell mid spread out with a sort of peachy bloom on them, ripe, rich, and chock lull of kisses." " Oh, the poor ignorant boy !" said Junet, "you didn't know nothing, did you ? " *' Well, I didn't," sais J, " I was as innocent as a ch'M ; but nobody is so ignorant as not to know a splendiferous gall wlien he sees her," and I made a motion of my head to her, as much as to say, " Put that cap on, for ' t just lits you." " My sakes, what a neck she had ! not too long and thin, for that looks goosey ; nor too short and thick, for that gives a clumsy appearance to the figure ; but betwixt and between, and perfection always lies there, just midway between extremes. But her bust — oh ! the like never was seen in Slickv'^'e, for the ladies there, in a gineral way, have no — " "Well, well," said Jessie, a little snappish, for praisiu' one gall to another ain't the shortest way to win their regard, " go on with your story of Gaelic." " And her waist, Jessie, was the most beautiful thing, next to your'n, I ever see. It was as round as an apple, and any- thing that is round, you know, is larger than it looks, and I wondered how much it would measure. I never see such an in- nocent girl as she was. Brought up to home, and in the coun- try, like me, she knew no more about the ways of the world than I did. She was a mere child, as I was ; she was only nine- teen years old, and neither of us knew anything of society rules. One day I asked her to let me measure her waist with my arm, and I (fid, and then she measured mine with her'n, and we had a great dispute which was the largest, and we tried several times before we ascertained there was only an inch difference between us. I never was so glad in my life as when she came to stay with us ; she was so good-natured, and so cheerful, and so inno- cent, it was quite charming. " Father took a wonderful shindy to her, for even old men can't help liking beauty. But, somehow, I don't think mother did ; and it appears to me now, in looking back upon it, that she was afraid I should like her too much. I consaited she watched ua out of the comer of her glasses, and had her ears open to hear what we said ; but p'raps it was only my vanity, for I don't know nothin' about the working of a wo- man's heart even now. I am only a bachelor yet, and how in the world should I know anything more about any lady than what I knew about poor Flora? In the ways of wo- men I am still as innocent as a child ; I do believe that they could persuade me that the moon is nothin' but an eight-da; clock with an illuminated face. I ain't vain, I assure you, and 02 A NEW WAY TO LEARN GAEUC. neyer brag of what I don't know, and I must say, I don't even pretend to anderatand them." "Well, I never!" said Jessie. " Nor I," said Janet. "Did you ever, now!" said Catherine. "Oh dear, how soft you are, ain'« you ? '* " Always was, ladies,'* said I, " and am still as soft as dough. Father was very kind to her, but he was old and impatient, and a little hard of hearing, and he couldn't half the iiiHQ under- stand her. One day she came in with a message from neigh- bour Dearbome, and sais she, " * Father—; " * Colonel, if you please, dear,' said mother, * he ia not your father ;' and the old lady seemed as if she didn't half fancy any body calling him that but her own children. Whether that is natural or not. Miss Jessie," said I, " I don't know, for how can I tell what women thinks ?" " Oh, of course not," said Janet, " you are not wa3rwi8e, and 80 artless ; you don't know, of course ! " "Exactly," sais I; "but I thought mother spoke kinder cross to her, and it confused the gall. " Gays Flora, * Colonel Slick, Mr Dearbome says — says — ' Well, she couldn't get the rest out ; she couldn't find the Eng- lish. ' Mr Dearborne says — ' " * Well, what the devil does he say ? ' said father, stampin' his foot, out of all patience with her. " It frightened Flora, and off she went out of the room cry- ing like anything. " * That girl talks worse and worse,' said mother. "'Well, I won't say that,' says father, a little mollified, * for she can't talk at all, so there is no worse about it. I am sorry though I scared her. I wish somebody would teach her English.' " ' I will,' sais I, 'father, and she shall teachme Gaelic in return.' "'Indeed you shan't,' sais mother; 'you have got some- thing better to do than larning her ; and as for Gaelic I can't bear it. It's a horrid outlandish language, and of no earthly use whatever under the blessed sun. It's worse than Indian.' " ' Do, Sam,' said father ; ' it's an act of kindness, and she is an orphan, and besides, Gaelic may be of great use to you in life. I like Gaelic myself; we had some brave Jacobite High- land soldiers in our army in the war that did great service, but unfortunately nobody could understand them. And as for orphans, when I think how many fatherless children we made for the British — ' •■« A NEW WAY TO LEARN OAEUC. 63 " ' You might have been better employed,* said mother, but he didn't hear her, and went right on. " ' I have a kindly feelin' towards them. She is a beautiful girl that.' " * If it wam't for her carrotty hair and freckled face,' said mother, looking at me, * she would' 't be so awful ugly after all, would she?' " ' Yes, Sam,' sais father, * teach her English for heaven's sake ; but mind, she must give you lessons in Gaelic. Lan- guages is a great thing.' " ' It's great nonsense,' said mother, raisin' her voice. " ' It's my orders,' said father, holding up his head and standing erect. *It's my orders, marm, and they muat be obeyed;' and he walked out of the room as stiff as a ramrod, and as grand as a Turk. " * Sam,' sais mother, when we was alone, * let the gall be ; the less she talks the more she'll work. Do you understand, my dear ? ' " ' That's just my idea, mother,' sais I. " * Then you won't do no such nonsense, will you, Sommy ? ' "*0h no!' sais I, 'I'll just go through the form now and then to please father, but that's all. Who the plague wants Gaelic ? If all the Highlands of Scotland were put into a heap, and then multiplied by three, they wouldn't be half as big as the "White Mountains, would they, marm? They are just nothin' on the map, and high hills, like high folks, are plaguy apt to have barren heads.' " ' Sam,' said she, a pattln' of me on the cheek, * you have twice as much sense as your father has after all. You take after me.' " I was so simple, I didn't know what to do. So I said yes to mother and yes to father ; for I knew I must honour and obey my parents, so I thought I would please both. I made up my mind I wouldn't get books to learn Gaelic or tearh English, but do it by talking, and that I wouldn't mind father seein' me, but I'd keep a bright look out for the old lady." " Oh dear ! how innocent that was, wam't it ?" said they. " Well, it was," said I ; " I didn't know no better then, and I don't now ; and what's more, I think I would do the same agin, if it was to do over once more." " I have no doubt you would," said Janet. " Well, I took every opportunity when mother was not by to learn words. I woidd touch her hand and say, ' What is that?' And she would say, ^ Lauch,^ and her arm, her head, and her cheek, and she would tell me the names ; and her eyes, her nose, and her chin, and so on ; and then I woidd touch her .^^i u A NEW WAY TO LEARN GAELIC. lips, and say, 'What's them ?' And she'd say, ^ Bhileau* And then I'd kiss lier, and say, ' What's that ?' And she'd say, 'Po^.' IJiit she was so artless, and so was I ; we didn't know that's not usual nnh'ss people are eouruu ; for we hadn't seen anything of the world then. " Well, I used to p^o over that lesson every time I pot a ohanee, and soon c^ot it all by heart but that word Fog (kiss), which 1 never could remember. She said I .as ^'erv stupid, and 1 must say il over and over a, ^, >.V^« IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) nil 1.0 ^^ Ki ■^ Ui 12.2 ui liii 11.25 i 1.4 "" I.I Photographic Sciences Corporation 4^ \ <^ [V 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. 14580 (716)872-4503 '^ ■^^ ^^% '/. ^ *4; \' <\ 82 THE WOUND.S OF THE HEART. Sais I, " Miss, you say these sort of things are bartered at the north-west for others of more use. There is one thing though I must remark, they never were exchanged for anything half so beautiful." " I am glad you like it," she said, " but look here ; " and she took out oi her basket a pair of mocassins, the soles of which were of moob^ leather, tanned and dressed like felt, and the up- per part black velvet, on which various patterns were worked with beads. I think I never saw anything of the kind so ex- quisite, for those nick-nacks the Nova Scotia Indians make are rough in material, coarse in workmanship, and ineligant in de- sign. " Which do you prefer ? " said she. "Well," sais I, "I ain't hardly able to decide. The bark work is more deLcate and more tasteful ; but it's more European in appearance. The other is more like our own country, and I ain't sure that It isn't quite as handsome as the other. But I think I prize the mocassins iiost. The name, the shape, and the ornaments all tell of the prairie." " Well, then," she said, " it shall be the mocassins, you must have them, as the exchange for the book." " Oh," said I, taking out of my pocket the first and second " Clockmakers," I had no other of my books on board, and giving them to her, " I am afraid, Miss, that I either said or did some- thing to offend you this morning. I assure you I did not mean to do so, and I am very sorry for it." " No, no," she said, " it was me ; but my temper has been greatly tried since I came to this country. I was very wrong, for you (and she laid a stress on that word as if I was an excep- tion) have been very kind to me." " Well," sais I, " Miss, sometimes there are things that try us and our feelings, that we don't choose to talk about to stran- gers, and sometimes people annoy us on these subjects. It wouldn't be right of me to pry into any one's secrets, but this I will say, any person that would vex you, let him be who he will, can be no man, he'd better not do it while I am here, at any rate, or he'll have to look for his jacket very quick, I know." " Mr Slick," she said, " I know I am half Indian, and some folks want to make me feel it." " And you took me for one o' them cattle," said I, " but if you knew what was passin' in my mind, you wouldn't a felt angry, / know." " What was it ? " said she, " for I know you won't say any- thing to me you oughtn't to. What was it ? " / " Well," sais I, " there is, between you and me, a young lady THE WOUNDS OF THE HEART. m here to the southern part of this province I have set my heart on, though whether she is agoin' to give me hem, or give me the mitten, 1 ain't quite sartified, but I rather kinder sorter guess the tirst, than kinder sorter not so." I just throwed that in that she mightn't misunderstand me. " Well, she is the most splendiferous gall I ever sot eyes on since I was created ; and," sais I to myself, " now, here is one of a different style of beauty, which on 'em is, take her all in all, the handsomest ? " Half Indian or half Gaelic, or whatever she was, she was a ivoman, and she didn't flare up this time, I tell you, but taking up the work-bag she said : " Give this to her, as a present from me." Thinks I, "My pretty brunette, if I don't get the heart opened to me, and give you a better opinion of yourself, and set you all straight with mankind in general, and the doctor in particular, afore I leave Ship Harbour, I'll give over for ever undervalyin' the skill of ministers, that's a fact. That will do for trial number one ; by and by I'll make trial number two." Taking up the " Clockmaker," and looking at it, she aaid : ** Is this book all true, Mr Slick ? Did you say and do all that's set down here?" " "Well," sais I, " I wouldn't just like to swear to every word of it, but most of it is true, though some things are embellished a little, and some are fancy sketches. But they are all true to nature." " Oh, dear," said she, " what a pity ! how shall I ever be able to tell what's true and what ain't ? Do you think I shall be able to understand it, who know so little, and have seen so Httle?" "Tou'U comprehend every word of it," sais I, "I wrote it on purpose, so every person should do so. I have tried to stick to life as close as I could, and there is nothin' like natur, it goes home to the heart of us all." " Do tell me, Mr Slick," said she, " what natur is, for I don't know." Well, now that's a very simple question, ain't it ? and any- one that reads this book when you publish it, will say, " Why, everybody knows what natur is," and any schoolboy can answer that question. But I'U take a bet of twenty dollars, not one in a hundred will define that tarm right off the reel, without stop- ping. It fairly stumpt me, and I ain't easily brought to a hack about common things. I could a told her what natur was cir- cumbendibusly, and no mistake, though that takes time. But to define it briefly and quickly, as Minister used to say, if it can be done at all, which I don't think it can, all I can say is as M THE WOUNDS OF THE HEART. galls say to conundnmui, " I can*t, bo I give it up. What is itP" Perhaps it's my own fiiult, for dear old Mr Hooewell used to say, '* Sam, your head ain't like any one else's. Most men's mindb resembles what appears on the water when you throw a stone in it. There is a centre, and circles form round it, each one a little larger than the other, until the impelling power ceases to act. Now you set off on the outer circle, and go round and round ever so often, until you arrive to the centre where you ought to have started from at first ; I never see the beat oi you." "It's natur," sais I, "Minister." ' " Natur," sais he, " what the plague has natur to do with it ? " " Why," sais I, " can one man surround a flock of sheep ? " " Why, what nonsense," sais he ; " of course ht can't." " Well, that's what this child can do," sais I. " I make a cood sizeable ring-fence, open the bars, and p>ut them in, for if it's too small, they turn and out agin like wink, and they will never so much as look at it a second time. AVell, when I get them there, I narrow and narrow the circle, till it's all solid wool and mutton, and I have every mother's son of them. It takes time, for I am all alone, and have no one to help me ; but they are thar' at last. Now, suppose I went to the centre of the field, and started off arter them, what would it end in ? Why, I'de run one down, and have him, and that's the only one I could catch. But whUe I was a chasin' of him, all the rest would disperse like a congregation arter church, and cut off like wink, each on his own way, as if he was a&aid the minister w^as a-goin* to run after 'em, head 'em, and fetch 'em back and pen 'em up again." He squirmed his face a little at that part about the congre- gation, I consaited, but didn't say nothin', for he knew it was true. " Now, my reason," sais I, " for goin' round and round is, I like to gather up all that's in the circle, carry it with me, and stack it in the centre." Lord! what fun I have had pokin' that are question of Jessie's sudden to fellows since then ! Sais I to Brother Eldad once — " Dad, we often talk about natur ; what is it ?" "Tut," sais he, "don't ask me; every fool knows what natur is." " Exactly," sais I ; " that's the reason I came to you." He just up with a book, and came plaguy near lettin' me have it right agin my head smash. THE WOUNDS OP THE BEABT. 85 18 see >ie. me " Don't do thaV* saia I, '' Daddy; I waa only joking; but what is it?" Well, he paused a moment and looked puzzled, as a fellow does who is looking for his spectacles, and can't find them be- cause he has shoved them up on his forehead. " Why," sais he, spreadin* out his arm, " it's all that you see, and the law that governs it." Well, it wam't a bad shot that, for a first trial, that's a fact. It hit the target, though it didn't strike the ring. " Oh," said I, " then there is none of it at night, and things can't be nateral in the dark." Well, he seed he had run ofi* the track, so he braved it out. " I didn't say it was necessary to see them all the time," he said. " Just so," said I, " natur is what you see and what you don't ; but then feelin' ain't nateral at all. It strikes me that if — " "Didn't I say," said he, "the laws that govern themP" " Well, where are them laws writ ?" " In that are receipt-book o' youm you're so proud of," said " What do you call it, Mr wiseacre ?" "Then, you admit," sais I, "any fool carCt answer that question?" " Perhaps you can," sais he. " Oh Dad!" sais I, " you picked up that shot and throwed it back. When a feller does that it shows he is short of ammu- nition. But I'll tell you what my opinion is. There is no such a thing as natur.'* "What!" said he. " Why there is no such a thing as natur in reality ; it is only a figure of speech. The confounded poets got hold of the idea and parsonined it as they have the word heart, and talk about the voice of natur and its sensations, and its laws and its sim- plicities, and all that sort of thing. The noise water makes in tumblin' over stones in a brook, a splutterin' like a toothless old woman scoldin' with a mouthful of not tea in her lantern cheek, is called the voice of natur speaking in the stream. And when the wind blows and scatters about all the blossoms from your fpuit trees, and you are a ponderin' over the mischief, a gall comes along-side of you with a book of poetry in her hand and sais : " * Hark ! do you hear the voice of natur amid the trees ? Isn't it sweet?* " Well, it's so absurd you can't help laughin' and saying, * No ;* but then I hear the voice of natur closer still, and it says, 'Ain't she a sweet critter?' " Well, a cultivated field, which is a work of art, dressed with B6 THE WOUNDS OP THE HEART. artificial manures, and tilled with artificial tools, perhaps hv steam, is called the smiling face of nature. Here nature is strong and there exhausted, now animated and then asleep. At the poles, the features of nature are all frozen, and as stiff as a poker, and in the West Indies burnt up to a cinder. A^at a pack of stuff it is ! It is just a pretty word like pharmacopia and Pierian spring, and so forth. I hate poets, stock, lock, and barrel ; the whole seed, breed, and generation of them. If you see a she oae, look at her stockings ; they are all wrinkled about her ancles, and her shoes are down to heel, and her hair is as tangled as the mane of a two-year old colt. And if you see a he one, you see a mooney sort of man, either very sad, or so wild- looking you think he is half-mad ; he eats and sleeps on earth, and that's all. The rest of the time he is sky-high, trying to find inspiration and sublimity, like Byron, in gin and water. I like folks that have common-sense." Well, to get back to my story. Said Jessie to me : " IMr Slick, what is natur?" " Well," sais I, " Miss, it's not very easy to explain it so as to make it intelligible ; but I will try. This world, and all that is in it, is the work of G-od. When he made it, he gave it laws or properties that govern it, and so to every living or inanimate thing; and these properties or laws are called their nature. Nature therefore is sometimes used for God himself, and some- times for the world and its contents, and the secret laws of ac- tion imposed upon them when created. There is one nature to men (for though they don't all look alike, the laws of their be- ing are the same), and another to horses, dogs, fish, and so on. Each class has its own nature. For instance, it is natural for fish to inhabit water, birds the air, and so on. In general, it therefore means the universal law that governs everything. Do you understand it ?" says I. " Not just now," she said, "but I will when I have time to think of it. Do you say there is one nature to all men ? " '' Yes, the same nature to Indian as to white men — all the same." " Which is the best nature ?'* " It is the same." " Indian and white, are they both equal ? '* "Quite—" , . "Do you think so?" " Every mite and morsel, every bit and grain. Everybody don't think so ? That's natural ; every race thinks it is oetter than another, and every man thinks he is superior to others ; and so does every woman. They think their children the best \ THE WOUNDS OF THE HEART. 87 -and handsomest. A bear thinks her nasty, dirt^, shapeless, tail- less cubs the most beautiful things in all creation.*' She laughed at that, but as suddenly relapsed into a fixed gloom. " If red and white men are both equal, and have the same nature," she said, *' what becomes of those who are neither red nor white, who have no country, no nation, no tribe, scorned by each, and the tents and the houses of both closed against them. Are they coual ? what does nature say ?" " There is no difference," I said ; " in the eye of God they are all alike." " God may think and treat them so," she replied, rising with jiuch emotion, " but man does not." I thought it was as well to change the conversation, and leave her to ponder over the idea of the races which seemed so new to her. " So," sais I, " I wonder the doctor hasn't arrived ; it's past four. There he is, Jessie ; see, he is on the beach ; he has returned by water. Come, put oa your bonnet and let you and I go and meet him." " Who, me ! " she said, her face expressing both surprise and pleasure. "To be sure," said I. "You are not afraid of me. Miss, I hope." " I wam't sure I heard you right," she said, and away she went for her bonnet. * Poor thing! it was evident her position was a very painful one to her, and that her natural pride was deeply injured. Poor dear old Minister ! if you was now alive and could read this Journal, I know what you would say as well as possible. " Sam," you would say, " this is a fulfilment of Scripture. The sins of the fathers are visited on the children, the effects of which are visible in the second and third generation" CHAPTEE VII. I FIDDLING AND DANCING, AND OEBVING THE DETIL. ' Br the time we had reached the house, Cutler joined us, and we dined off of the doctor's salmon, which was prepared in a way that I had never seen before ; and as it was a touch above common, and smacked of the wigwam, I must get the receipt. The only way for a man who travels and wants to get something 86 FIDDLING AND DANCING, better than amusement out of it, is to notch down anything new, for every place has somethinfi; to teach you in that line. " The silent pig is the hest feeder y'' but it remains a pig still, and hastens its death by erowm^ too fat. Now the talking traveller feeds his mind as well as his body, and soon finds the less he pampers his appetite the clearer his head is and the better his spirits. The great thing is to live and learn, and learn to live. Now I hate an epicujre above all created things — worse than lawyers, doctors, poHticians, and selfish fellows of all kinds. In a giniral way he is a miserable critter, for nothin* is good enough for him or aone right, and his appetite gives itself as many airs, and requires as much waitin' on, as a crotchetty, fanciful, peev- ish old lady of fashion. If a man's sensibility is all in his palate he can't in course have much in his heart. Makin' oneself miserable, fastin' in sackcloth and ashes, ain't a bit more foolish than makin' oneself wretched in the midst of plenty, because the sea, the air, and the earth won't give him the dainties he wants, and Providence won't send the cook to dress them. To spend one's life in eating, drinking, and sleeping, or like a bul- lock, in ruminating on food, reduces a man to the level of an ox or » 38. The stomach is the kitchen, and a very small one toe a general way, and broiling, simmering, stevdng, baking, ai,i steaming, is a goin' on there night and day. The atmosphere is none of the pleasantest neither, and if a man chooses to vdth- draw into himself and live there, why I don't see what earthly good he is to society, unless he wants to wind up life by writin* a cookery-book. I hate them — that's just the tarm, and I like tarms that express what I mean. I shall never forget when I was up to Michelimackinic. A thunderin' long word, ain't it ? We call it Mackinic now for shortness. But perhaps you wouldn't understand it spelt that way, no more than I did when I was to England that Brighton means Brighthelmeston, or Sissiter, Cirencester, for the English take such liberties with words, they can't afibrd to let others do the same ; so I give it to you both ways. Well, when I was there last, I dined with a village doctor, the greatest epicure I think I ever see in all my bom days. He thought and talked of nothing else from morning till night but eatin'. " Oh, Mr Slick," said he, rubbin' his hands, "this is the tall- est country in the world to live in. What a variety of food there is here, — fish, flesh, and fowl, — vdld, tame, and mongeral, —fruits, vegetables, and spongy plants ! " " AVhat's that ? " sais I. I always do that when a fellow uses strange words. " We call a man who drops in accidently I Led 1 AND SERVING THE DEVIL. 89 on purpose to dinner a spoiling fellow, which meant if you give hini the liquid he will soak it up dry.*' " Spongy plants," sais he, " means mushrooms and the like.'* " An ! " said I, " mushrooms are nateral to a new soil like this. Upstarts we call them ; they arise at night, and by next momin' their house is up and its white roof on." " Very good," said he, but not lookin' pleased at harin* his oratory cut suort that way. " Oh, Mr Slick ! " said he, " there is a poor man here who richly deserves a pension both from your government and mine. He has done more to advance the culinary art than either Ude or Soyer." "AVho on earth now were they?" said I. I knew well enough who they were, for when I was to England they used to brag greatly of Soyer at the Beform Club. For fear folks would call their association house after their politics, " the cheap and dirty" they built a very splash affair, and to set an example to the state in their own establishment of economy and reform in the public departments, hired Soyer, the best cook of the age, at a salary that would have pensioned half-a-dozen of the poor worn-out clerks in Downing Street. Vulgarity i» alioayt shotcy. It is a pretty word, " Keformers." The common herd of them I don't mind much, for rogues and fools always find employment for each other. But when I hear of a great reformer like some of the big bugs to England, that have been grinning through horse-collars of late years, like harlequins at fairs, for the amuse- ment and instruction of the public, I must say I do expect to see a super-superior hypocrite. Yes, I know who those great artists Soyer and Ude were, but I thought I'd draw him out. So I just asked who on earth they were, and he explained at great length, and mentioned the wonderful discoveries they had made in their divine art. " "Well," sais I, " why on earth don't your friend the Mac- kinic cook go to London or Paris, where he won't want a pension, or anything else, if he excels them great men ? " " Bless you. Sir," he replied, " he is merely a voyaeeur." " Oh dear," sais I, " I dare say then he can firy liam and eggs and serve 'em up in ile, boil salt beef and pork, and twice lay cod-fish, andperhaps boil potatoes nice and wat^iy like cattle turnips. What discoveries could such a rough-and-tum- ble fellow as that make ? " " Well," said the doctor, " I didn't want to put myself for- ward, for it ain't pleasant to speak of oneself." " "Well, I don't know that," sais I, " I ain't above it, I assure you. If you have a horse to sell, put a thunderin' long price on him, and folks will think he must be the devil and all, and I FIDDLING AND DANCING, if you want people to vally you right, anprnljie yourself nt a high figure. BraggM aavei adveriUin*, 1 alwnys do it ; for as the Nova Scotia magistrate said, who iued his debtor before himself, ' What's the use of being a justice, if you enn't do yourself justice.' But what was you sayin' about the voyngeur P '* " Why, Sir," said he, " I made the discoveiy through his instnimentality. He enabled me to do it by sunering the ex- Eeriiuents to be made on him. His name was Alexis St Martin ; e waa a Canadian, and about eighteen years of age, of good constitution, robust, and healthy. He had been engaged in the service of tlie American Fur Company as a voyageur. and was accidentally wounded by the discharge of a musket, on the 9th of June, 1822. The charge, consisting of powder and duck-shot, was received in his left side ; he being at a distance of not more thai one yard from the muzzle of the gun. The contents en- tered posteriorly, and in an oblique direction, forward nnd in- ward, literally blowing off integuments and muscles, of the size of a man's hand, fracturing and carrying away the anterior half of the sixth rib, fracturing the fifth, lacerating the lower portion of the left lobe of the lungs, the diaphragm, and perforating the stomach." " Good gracious ! " sais I, " how plain that is expressed ! It is as clear as mud, that ! I do like doctors, for their talking and writing is intelligible to the meanest capacity." He looked pleased, and went ahead agin. < " After trying all the means in my power for eight or ten months to close the orifice, by exciting adhesive inflammation in the lips of the wound, without the least appearance of suc- cess, I gave it up as impracticable, in any other way than that of incising and bringing them together by sutures ; an operation to which the patient would not submit. By using the aperture which providence had supplied us with to communicate with the stomach, I ascertained, by attaching a small portion of food of different kinds to a string, and inserting it through his side, the' exact time each takes for digestion, such as beef or pork, or mutton or fowl, or fish or vegetables, cooked in different ways.'* We all know how long it takes to dress them, but we did not know how long a time they required for digestion. I Avill show you a comparative table." ♦ The village doctor appears to have appropriotcd to himself the credit due to another. The particulars of this rcmartcablo case are to be found in a work published in New York in 1833, entitled '• Experiments and observations on the gastric juices, and the physiology of digestion," by William Beaumont, K.D., Surgeon in the United States' Army, and also in the "Albion" news- paper of the same place for January 4, 1834. <)> AND SERVING THE DEVIL. 01 , '» " Thank you," sais I, " but I am afraid I must be a moving,' Fact is, my stomach was movin' then, for it fairly made me sick. Yes, I'd a plaguy sight sooner see a man embroiderijig, which is about as contemptible an accomplishment as an icUer can have, than to hear him everlastingly smack his lips, and see him open his eyes and gloat like an anaconda before he takes down a bullock, horns, hair, and hoof, tank, shank, and Hank, at one bolt, as if it was an opium pill to make him sleep. Well, all this long lockrum arose out of my saying I should like to have the receipt by which Jessie's sister had cooked the salmon for dinner; and I intend to get it too, that's a fact. As we concluded our meal, " Doctor," sais I, " we have been medi- tating mischief in your absence. What do you say to our makin' a party 'o visit the ^Bachelor beaver" a dam^ and see your museum, nxins, betterments, and what not ? " " Why," said he, " I should like it above all things ; but — " "But what?" said I. " But I am afraid, as you must stay all nigk.t, if you go, my poor wigwam won't accommodate so many with beds." " Oh ! some of us will camp out," sais I, " I am used to it, and like it a plaguy sight better than hot rooms." " Just the thing," said he. " Oh ! Mr Slick, you are a man after my own heart. The nature of all foresters is alike, red or white, English or French, Yankee or Blue-nose." Jessie looked up at the coincidence of that expression with what I had said yesterday. " Blue-nose," said I, " Doctor," to familiarize the girl's mind to the idea I had started of the mixed race being on a footing of equality with the other two, " Blue-nose ought to be the best, for he is half Yankee and half English; two of the greatest people on the face of the airth ! '* "True," said he, "by right he ought to be, and it's his own fault he ain't." I thought it would be as well to drop the allusion there, so I said, " That's exactly what mother used to say when I did anything wrong: *Sam, ain't you ashamed.' *No, I ain't,' said I. * Then you ought to be,' she'd reply. "It's a fixed fact, then," said I, "that we go to-morrow to the Beaver dam ? " " Yes," said he, " I shall be delighted. Jessie, you and your sister will accompany us, won't you ? " " I should be charmed," she replied. " I think you will be pleased with it," he continued, " it will just suit you; it's so quiet and retired. But you must let Etienne take the horse, and carry a letter to my sergeant and 92 . FIDDLIKO AND DA5CIN0| his commandinf]^ officer, Betty, to gjive them notice of our risit, or he will ^o through the whole campaign in Spain before he is done, and tell you how ill the commissariat-people were used, in not having notice given to them to lay in stores. I never was honoured with the presence of ladies there before, and he will tell you he is broken-hearted at the accommodation. I don't know what there is in the house ; but the rod and the gun will supply us, I think, and the French boy, when he returns, will bring me word if an3rthing is wanted from the shore." "Jessie," said I, "can't you invite the two Highland lassies and their brother that were here last night, and let us have a reel this evening ? " " Oh ! yes," she said, and going into the kitchen, the mes- sage was despatched immediately. As soon as the guests arrived, Peter produced his violin, and the doctor waking out of one of his brown studies, jumped up like a boy, and taking one of the new-comers by the hand, commenced a most joyous and rapid jig, the triumph of which seemed to consist in who should tire the other out. The girl had youth and agility on her side ; but the doctor was not devoid of activity, and the great training which his constant exercise kept him in, threw the balance in his favour ; so when he ceased, and declared the other victori- ous, it was evident that it was an act of grace, and not of neces- sity. After that we all joined in an eight-handed reel, and eight merrier and happier people I don't think were over bewre assembled at Ship Harbour. In the midst if it the door opened, and a tall, thin, cadaver- ous-looking man entered, and stood contemplating us in silence. He bad a bilious-looking countenance, which the strong light of the fire and candles, when thrown upon it, rendered still more repulsive. He had a broad-brimmed hat on his head, which he did not condescend to remove, and carried in one hand a leather travelling-bag, as lean and as dark-complexioned as himself, and in the other a bundle of temperance newspapers. Peter seeing that he did not speak or advance, called out to him, with a face beaming with good humour, as he kept bob- bing his head, and keeping time with his foot (for his whole body was affected by his own music). " Come in, friend, come in, she is welcome. Come in, she is playin' herself just now, but she will talk to you presently." And then he stamped his foot to give emphasis to tne turn of the tune, as if he wanted to astonish the stranger with his per- formance. The latter however not only seemed perfectly insensible to its charms, but immoveable. Peter at last got up from his AND 8EPVIK0 THE DEVIL. 09 chair, (ind continued playing m he advanced towards him ; but he was so excited by what was goine on among the young people, that he couldn't retiist danang himself, as he proe- outers^ * and have had experience, and when I meet the brethren, sometimes I speak a word in season." " "Well, friend, thee has spoken thy words out of season to- night," I said. " Peradventure I was wrong," he replied, " and if so, I repent me of it." " Of a certainty thee was, friend. Thee sayest thy nane is Jehu ; now he was a hard rider, and it may be thee drivest a aard bargain, if so, go thy ways, for thee cannot * make seed- corn off of me ;' if not, tarry here till this company goeth, and then I will talk to thee touching the thing called mackarel. • Come-outers. This name has been applied to a considerable number of persons in various parts of the Northern States, principally in New England, who have recently come ottt of the various religious denominations with which they have been connected ; hence the name. They have not themselves as- sumed any distinctive organization. They have no creed, believing that every one should be left free to hold such opinions on religious subjects as he pleases, without being held accountable for the same to any human authority —Ba'>^tlett's Americanisms. AND SERVING THE DEVIL. 95 "Wilt thee sit by the fire till the quaker ceaseth his dancing, and perhaps thee may learn what those words mean, * and the heart daneeth for joy,' or it may be thee will return to thy vessel, and trade in the morning." "No man knoweth," he said, "what an hour may bring r» rth ; I will bide my time." " The night is cold at this season," said Peter, who con- sidered that the laws of hospitality required him to ofler the best he had in his house to a stranger, so he produced some spirits, as the most acceptable thing he possessed, and requested him to help himself. " I care not if I do," he said, "for my pledge extendeth not so far as this," and he poured himself out a tumbler of brandy and water, that warn't nalf-and-half, but almost the whole hog. Oh, gummy, what a horn ! it was strong enough almost to tlxrow an ox over a five-bar gate. It made his eyes twinkle, I teil you, and he sat do\ATi and began to look as if he thought the galls pretty. '' Come, Peter," said I, " strike up, the stranger will wait awhile." " Will she dance," said he, " tarn her." " K o," said I, but I whispered to the doctor, " he will reel soon," at which he folded his arms across his breast and per- formed his gyrations as before. Meanwhile Cutler and Frr.tcr, and two of the girls, commenced dancing jigs, and haMnony was once more restored. While they were thus occupied, I talked over the arrangements for our excursion on the morrow with Jessie, and the doc^ or entered into a close examination of Jehu Judd, as to the ne\7 asphalt mines in his province. He in- formed him of the enormous petrified trunks of palm-trees that have been found while exploring the coal-fields, and warmed into eloquence as he enumerated the mineral wealth and great resources of that most beautiful colony. The doctor expressed himself delighted with the information he had received, where- upon Jehu rose and asked him in token of amity to pledge him in a glass of Peter's excellent cognac, and without waitmg for a reply, filled a tumbler and swallowed it at one gulp. My, what a pull that was. Thinks I to myself, " Friend, if that don't take the wrinkles out of the parchment case of your conscience, then I don't know nothin', that's all." Oh dear, how all America is overrun with such cattle as this ; how few teach religion, or practise it right. How hard it is to find the genuine article. Some folks keep the people in ignorance, and make them believe the moon is made of green cheese ; others, with as much sense, fancy the world is. One has old saints, the 90 FIDDTTrO AND DANCING, I other inveuts new ones. One places miracles at a distance, t'other makes them before their ey .-s, while both are up to mes- merism. One says there is no muryin' in Paradise, the other says, if that's true, it's hard, and it is best to be a mormon and to have polygamy here. Then there is a third party who says, neither of you speak sense, it is better to believe nothin' than to give yourself up to be crammed. Beligion, Squire, ain't na- tur, because it is intended to improve corrupt natur, it's no use talkin' therefore, it can't be left to itself, otherwise it degener- ates into something little better than animal instinct. It must be taught, and teaching must have authority as well as learn- ing. There can be no authority where there is no power to enforce, and there can be no learning where there is no train- ing. If there must be normal schools to qualify schoolmasters, there must be Oxfords and Cambridges to qualify clergymen. At least that's my idea. Well, if there is a qualified man, he must be supported while he is working. But if he has to piease his earthly employer, instead of obeying his heavenly Master, the better he is qualified the more dangerous he is. If he relies on his congregation, the order of things is turned upside down. He serves mammon, and not God. If he does his duty he must tell unpleasant truths, and then he gets a walkin' ticket. "VVho will hire a servant, pay him for his time, find a house for him to live in, and provide him in board, if hu has a will of his own, and won't please his employer by doin' what he is ordered to do ? I don't think you would. Squire, and I know I wouldn't. No, a fixed, settled church, fike oum, or yours, Squire, is the best. There is safe anchorage ground in them, and you don't go draggin' your flukes with every spurt of wind, or get wrecked if there is a gale that rages round you. There is some- thing strong to hold on to. There are good buoys, known land- marks, and fixed light-houses, so that you know how to steer, and not helter-skelter lights movin' on the shore like will-o'-tbe whisps, or wreckers' false fires, that just lead you to destruction. The medium between the two churches, for the clergy, would be the right thing. In yours they are too independent of the peo- ple, with us a little too dependent. But we are coming up to the notch by making moderate endowments, which will enable the minister to do what is right, and not too large to make him lazy or careless. Well then, in neither of them is a minister handed over to a faction to try. Them that make the charges ain't the judges, which is a Magna Charta for him. Tes, I like our episcopal churches, they teach, persuade, guide, and paternally govern, but they have no dungeons, no tortures, no fire and sword. They ain't afraia of the light, for. as minister AND SERVING THE DEVIL. 97 he liS used to say, " their light shines afore men." Just see what sort of a system it must he that produces such a man as Jehu Judd. And yet Jehu finds it answer his purpose in his class to he what he is. His religion is a cloak, and that is a grand thing for a pick-pocket. It hides his hands, while they are fumhlin' about your waistcoat and trousers, and then conceals the booty. You can't make tricks if your adversary sees your hands, you may as well give up the game. But to return to the evangelical trader. Before we recom- menced dancing again, I begged the two Gaelic girls, who were bouncing, buxom lasses, and as strong as Shetland ponies, to coax or drag him up for a reel. Each took a hand of his and tried to persuade him. Oh, weren't they full of smiles, and didn't they look rosy and temptin' ? They were sure, they said, so good-lookin' a man as he was, must have learned to dance, or how could he have given it up ? " For a single man like you," said Catherine. " I am not a single man," said Old Piety, " I am a widower, a lonely man in the house of Israel." " Oh, Catherine," sais I, a givin' her a wink, " take care of theeself, or thy Musquodobit farm, with its hundred acres of in- tervale meadow, and seventy head of homed cattle, is gone." He took a very amatory look at her after that hint. "Verily she would be a duck in Quaco, fiiend Jehu," said I. "Indeed would she, anywhere," he said, looking sanctified Cupids at her, as pious galls do who show you the place in your prayer-book at church. " Ah, there is another way methinks she would he a duck," said I, " the maiden would soon turn up the w^Hes of her eyes at dancin' like a duck in thunder, as the profane men say." " Oh, oh," said the doctor, who stood behind me, " I shall die, he'll kill me. I can't stand this, oh, how my sides ache." "Indeed I am afraid I shall always he a wild duck,'^ said Catherine. " They are safer from the fowler," said Jehu, " for they are wary and watchful." " If you are a widower," she said, " you oughi to dance." " Vilaj do you think so ? " said he ; but his tongue was be- coming thick, though hu eyes were getting brighter. "Because," she said, "a widower is an odd critter." " Odd ? " he replied, " in what way odd, dear ? " " Why," said the girl, " an ox of oum lately lost his mate, and my brother called him the odd ox, and not the single ox, and he is the most frolicksome fellow you ever see. Kow, as 98 FIDDLING AND DANCING > }''ou have lost your mate, you are an odd one, and if you are ookin' for another to put its head into the yoke, you ought to go frolickin' everywhere too ! " " Do single critters ever look for mates ?" said he, silly. "Well done," said I, "friend Jehu. The drake had the best of the duck that time. Thee weren't bred in Quaco for nothin'. Come, rouse up, wake snakes, and walk chalks, as the thoughtless children of evil say. I see thee is warmin' to the subject." " Men do allow," said he, lookin' at me with great self-com- placency, " that in speech I am peeoweriuV* " Come, Mary," said I, addressin' the other sister, " do thee try thy persuasive powers, but take care of thy grandmother's legacy, the two thousand pounds thee hast in the Pictou Bank. It is easier for that to go to Quaco than the farm." " Oh, never fear," said she. " Providence," he continued, " has been kind to these virgins. They are surprising comely, and well endowL d with understand- ing and money," and he smirked first at one and then at the other, as if he thought either would do — the farm or the legacy. " Come," they both said, and as they gave a slight pull, up he sprung to his feet. The temptation was too great for him : two pairs of bright eyes, two pretty faces, and two hands in his filled with Highland blood — and that ain't cold — and two glasses of grog within, and two fortunes without, were irresistible. So said he, " If I have offended, verily I will make amends ; but dancing is a dangerous thing, and a snare to the umvary. The hand and waist of a maiden in the dance lead not to serious thoughts." " It's because thee so seldom feels them," I said. " Edged tools never wound thee when thee is used to them, and the razor that cutteth the child, passeth smoothly over the chin of a man. He who locketh up his daughters, forgetteth there is a window and a ladder, and if gaiety is shut out of the house, it is pitied and admitted when the master is absent or asleep. When it is harboured by stealth and kept concealed, it loses its beauty and innocence, and waxeth wicked. The crowd that leaveth a night-meeting is less restrained than the throng that goeth to a lighted ball-room. Both are to be avoided; one weareth a cloak that conceals too much, the other a thin vest- ment that reveals more than is seemly. Of the two, it is better to court observation than shun it. Dark thoughts lead to dark deeds." " There is much reason in what you say," he said ; " I never AND SERVING THE DEVIL. 99 one vest- )etter dark had it put to me in that light before. I have heard of the shakci-H, but never saw one before you, nor was aware that they danced." " Did thee never hear," said I, " when thee was a boy, " ' Merrily dance the qunkcr's >vife, And merrily danco the quaker }' and so on ? " " No, never," said he. •' Then verily, friend, I will show thee how a quaker can dance. They call us shakers, from shaking our feet so spry. "Which will thee choose — the farm or the legacy ?" Mary took his hand, and led him to his place, the music struck up, and Peter gave us one of his quickest measures. Jehu now felt the combined influence of music, women, brandy, and dancing, and snapped his fingers over his head, and stamped his feet to mark the time, and hummed the tune in a voice tliat from its power and clearness astonished us all. " AVell done, old boy," said I, for I thought I might drop the quaker now, " well done, old boy," and I slapped him on the back, " go it while you are young, make up for lost time : now for the double shuffle. Dod drot it, you are clear grit and no mis- take. You are like a critter that boggles in the collar at the first go off, and don't like the start, but when you do lay legs to it you certainly ain't no slouch, I know." The way he cut carlicues ain't no matter. From humming he soon got to a full cry, and from that to shouting. His antics overcame us all. The doctor gave the first key-note. " Oh, oh, that man will be the death of me," and again rubbed himself round the wall, in convulsions of laughter. Peter saw nothing absurd in all this, on the contrary, he was delighted with the stranger. " Oigh," he said, " ta preacher is a goot feller after all, she will tance with her hem ainsel ;" and fiddling his way up to hiii again, he danced a jig with Jehu, to the infinite amusement ol us all. The familiarity which Mr Judd exhibited with the steps and the dance, convinced me that he must have often indulged in it before he became a Christian. At last he sat down, not a little exhausted with the violent exertion, but the liquor made him peeowerful thick-legged, and his track wam't a bee line, I tell you After a while a song was proposed, and Mary en- treated him to favour us with one. " Dear Miss," said he, " pretty Miss," and his mouth re- sembled that of a cat contemplating a pan of milk that it cannot reach, " lovely maiden, willingly would I comply, if Sail Mody (Psalmody) will do, but I have forgotten my songs." 100 FIDDUNG AND DANCING. " Try this," said I, and his strong, clear voice rose above us all, as he joined us in— ^ •• Yes, Lucy is a pretty girl, Such lubly hands and feet, When her toe is in the Market-house, lar heel is in Main Street. " Ob take your time. Miss Lucy, Miss Lucy, Lucy Long, Rock de cradle, Lucy, , ' And listen to de song." * He complained of thirst and fatigue after this, and rising, said, " I am peeowertvl dry, by jinks," and helped himself so liberally, that he had scarcely resumed his seat before he was fast asleep, and so incapable of sustaining himself in a sitting posture, tnat we removed him to the sofa, and loosening his cravat, placed him in a situation where he could repose comfort- ably. VVe then all stood round the evangelical " Come-outer'* and sang in chorus : •' My old master, Twiddledum Don, Went to bod with his trousers on. One shoe oiT, and the other shoe on — That's the description of Twiddledum Don." " Oh, my old ' Come-outer,' said I, as I took my last look at him for the night, " you have * come-out ' in your true colours at last, but this comes of ^fiddling and dancing, and serving the devil: " CHAPTEE VIII. STITCHING A BUTTON-HOLE. ArxEE the family had retired to rest, the doctor and I lighted our cigars, and discoursed of the events of the evening. " Such men as Jehu Judd," he said, " do a monstrous deal of mischief in the country. By making the profession of piety a cloak for their knavery, they injure the cause of morality, and predispose men to ridicule the very appearance of that which is so justly entitled to their respect, a sober, righteous, and godly life. Men lose their abhorrence of fraud in their distrust of the efficacy of religion. It is a duty we owe to society to expose and punish such fellows." " Well then, I will do my duty," said I, laughing, " he has LP STITCHING A BUTTON-HOLE. 101 expose he haa fired into the >\Tong flock this time, I'll teach him not to do it again, or my name is not Sam Slick. I will make that gonev a caution to sinners, / know. He has often deceived others so tnat they didn't know him, I will now alter him so he shan't know himself when he v. akes up." Proceeding to my hed-room, which, as I said hefore, adjoined the parlour, I brought out the box containin' my sketchin' fixins, and opening of a secret drawer, showed him a small paper of bronze-coloured powder. " That," said I, " is what the Indians at the Nor-west use to disguise a white man, when he is in their train, not to deceive their enemies, for you couldn't take in a savage for any length of time, no how you could fix it, but that his pale face might not alarm the scouts of their foes. I was stained that way for a month when I was among them, for there was war going on at the time." " Mixing a little of it with brandy I went to the sofa, where Mr Jehu Judd was laid out, and with a camel's hair brush or- namented his upper lip with two enormous and ferocious mous- tachios, curling well upwards, across his cheeks to his ears, and laid on the paint in a manner to resist the utmost efibrts of soap and water. Each eye was adorned with an enormous circle to represent the effect of blows, and on his forehead was written in this indelible ink in large print letters, like those on the stam- board of a vessel, the words " Jehu of Quaco." In the morning we made preparations for visiting the Ba- chelor Beaver. The evangelical trader awoke amid the general bustle of the house, and sought me out to talk over the sale of his mackarel. " Fa is tat," said Peter, who first stared wildly at him, and then put himself in a posture of defence. " Is she a deserter from the garishon of Halifax ? " "I am a man of peace," said Jehu (who appeared to have forgotten the aberrations of the last evening, and had resumed his usual sanctimoniouslyfied manner). " Swear not, friend, it is an abomination, and becometh not a Christian man." Peter was amazed, he could not trust his eyes, his ears, or his memory. " Toctor," said he, " come here for heaven's sake, is she hem ainsel or ta tevil." The moment the doctor saw him, his hands as usual invo- luntarily protected his sides, and lie burst out a laughing in his face, and then describing a circle on the grass, fell down, and rolled over, saying, " Oh, oh, that man will be the death of me." The girls nearly went into hysterics, and Cutler, thougli evi- 102 STITCHING A BUTTON-HOLE. dently not approving of the practical joke, as only fit for mili- tary life, unable to contain himself, walked away. The French boy, Etienne, frightened at his horrible expression of face, re- treated backwards, crossed himself most devoutly, and muttered an Ave Maria. " Friend Judd," said I, for I was the only one who retained my gravity, "thee ought not to wear a mask, it is a bad sign." "I wear no mask, Mr Slick," he said, "I use no disguises, and it does not become a professing man like you to jeer and scoff because I reprove the man Peter for his profaneness." Peter stamped and raved like a madman, and had to resort to Gaelic to disburden his mind of his effervescence. lie threat- ened to shoot him ; he knew him very well, he said, for he had seen him before on the prairies. He was a Kentucky villain, a forger, a tief, a Yankee spy sent to excite the Indians against the English. He knew his false moustachios, he would swear to them in any court of justice in the world. " Deil a bit is ta loon Jehu Judd," he said, " her name is pray in' Joe, the horse- stealer." For the truth of this charge he appealed to his daughters, who stood aghast at the fearfulresemblance his moustachios had given him to that noted borderer. " That man of Satan," said Jehu, looking very uncomfortable, as he saw Peter flourishing a short dirk, and the doctor holding him back and remonstrating with him. " That man of Satan I never saw before yesterday, when I entered his house, Avliere there vjbb fiddling and dancing^ and serving the devil. Truly my head became dizzy at the sight, my heart sunk within me at be- holding such wickedness, and I fell into a swoon, and was troubled with dreams of the evil one all night." " Then he visited thee, friend," I said, " in thy sleep, and placed his mark upon thee — ^the mark of the beast, come and look at it in the glass." "When he saw himself, he started back in great terror, and , gave vent to a long, low, guttural groan, like a man who is suf- fering intense agony. " What in the world is all this ? " he said. He again approached the glass and again retreated with a look of unspeakable despair, groaning like a thousand sinners, and swelled out about the head and throat like a startled blauzer- snake. After which he put his hand to his lip and discovered there was no hair. He then took courage and advanced once more, and examined it carefully, and rubbed it, but it did not remove it. "He has burned it into the skin," I said, "he hath made thee the image of the horse-stealer, and who knoweth whom else STITCHING A BUrrON-IIOLE. 103 r mili- Frcnch ice, re- ittered }tained sign." ipjiiises, >er and I resort threat- he had illain, a against 1 swear 3it is ta 3 horse- ighters, lios had briable, holding Satan I Avhere puly my e at be- md wa3 ep, and )me and ror, and is siif- he said. 1 a look lers, and blauzer- 3covered •ed once did not th made hoin else thou resemblest. Thee art a marked man verily. Thee said theo never used disguises." " Never," he said, " never, Mr Slick." " Hush," I said, " thee hast worn three disguises. First, thee •wore the disguise of religion ; secondly, thee were disguised in liquor ; and thirdly, thee art now disguised with what fighting men call the moustachio." " Oh, Mr Slicic," said he, leaving off his cant, and rcallv look- ing like a different man, " dod drot it, it is a just punisdment. I knock under, I holler, I give in, have mercy on me. Can you rid me of this horrid mark, for I can't flunk out in the street in this rig." " I can," sais I, "but I will do it on one condition only, and that is, that you give over canting that way, and coverin' tricks with long faces and things too serious to mention now, for that is doubly wicked. Cheatin' ain't pretty at no time, though I wouldn't be too hard on a man for only gettin' hold of the right eend of the rope in a bargain. I have done it myself. Or put- tin' the leak into a consaited critter sometimes for fun. But to cheat, and cant to help you a doin' of it, is horrid, that's a fact. It's the very devil. Will you promise, if I take down that or- namental sign-board, that you will give up that kind o' business and set up a new shop ? " " I will," said he, " upon my soul — I'll be d — d if I don't. That ain't cant now, is it ? " " Well, now you never said a truer word," said I, " you will be d — d if you don't, that's a fact. But there is no use to run to the other extreme, neither." *' Are you a preacher ? " said he, and I thought he gave me a sly look out of the corner of his eye, as much as to say, " how good we are, ain't we," as sin said when the devil was rebukin' of him. The fact is, the fellow was a thunderin' knave, but he was no fool, further than being silly enough to be a knave, " No," sais I, " I ain't, I scorn a man dubbin' himself preacher, without the broughtens up to it, and a lawful warrant for being one. And I scorn cant, it ain't necessary to trade. If you want that proved to you, wait till I return to-morrow, and if you get to winderd of me in a bargain, I'll give you leave to put the moustachios on me, that's a fact. My maxim is to buy as low and sell as high as I can, provided the article will bear a large' profit. If not, I take a moderate advance, turn the penny quick, and at it again. I will compound something that will take out your false hair, for I don't think it will be easy tc shave it off. It all came of pretence. What in the world was the reason you couldn't walk quietly into the cantecoi, where people were en- 101 STITCHING A DUTTOX-IIOLE. \oy\nff themselves, and either join them, or if you had scruples, Keep them to yourself and sit by. Nobody would have molested you. Nothing but cant led you to join temperance societies. A man ought to be able to use, not abuse liquor, but the moment vou obligate yourself not to touch it, it kinder sets you a han- kering after it, and if you taste it after that, it upsets you, as it did last night. It ain t ecuy to wean a calf that takes to suckin* the second time, thaft a fact. Tour pretence set folks agin you. They didn't half like the interruption for one thing, and then the way you acted made them disrespect you. So you got a most an all-fired trick played on you. And I must say it sarves you right. Now, sais 1, go on board and — " "Oh, Mr Slick," said he, "oh now, that's a good fellow, don't send me on board such a figure as this, I'd rather die fust, I'd never hear the last of it. The men would make me the laughing-stock of Quaco. Oh, I can't go on board." " Well," sais I, " go to bed then, and put a poultice on your face, to soften the skin." That warn't necessary at all, but I said it to punish him. " And when I come back, I will give 3'ou a wash, that will make your face as white and as smooth as u baby's." " Oh, Mr Slick," said he, "couldn't you—" but I turned away, and didn't hear him out. By the time I had done with him, we were all ready to start for the Bachelor Beaver. Peter borrowed an extra horse and waggon, and drove his youngest daughter. Cutler drove Jessie in another, and the doctor and I walked. " We can travel as fast as they can," he said, " for part of the road is ftdl of stumps, and very rough, and I like the ar- rangement, and want to nave a talk with you about all sorts of things." After travelling about two miles, we struck off the main high- way into a wood-road, in which stones, hillocks, and roots of trees so impeded the waggons, that we passed them, and took the lead. " Are you charged ? " said the Doctor, " if not, I think we may as well do so now." " Perhaps it would be advisable," said I. " But where is your gun ? " " I generally am so well loaded," he replied, " when I go to , the woods, I find it an encumbrance. In addition to my other traps, I find forty weight of pemican as much as I can carry." " Femican"* sais I, "what in natur is that?" I knew as well as he did what it was, for a man that don't understand how • Seo Dunn's " Oregon." STITCHING A BUTTON-HOLE. 105 to make that, dow't know the very abeselfa of wood-craft. But 1 toll you what, Squire, unless you want to be hated, don't let on yuu know all that a feller can tell you. The more you do know, the ir-^re folks are afeared to be able to tell you something new. It flatters their vanity, and it's a hannless piece of polite- ness, as well as good policy to listen ; for who tne plague will attend to you if you won't condescend to hear them V Convers' ation is a barter, in tohich one thing is swapped for another, and yuu must abide by the laws of trade. What you give costs you nothing ; and what you get may be worth nothing ; so, if you don't gain much, you don't lose, at all events. " So," sais I, " what in natur is pemicau ? " " AVhy," sais he, " it is formed by pounding the choice parts of venison or other meat very small, oried over a slack tire, or by the frost, and put into bags, made of the skin of the slnin animal, into which a portion of melted fat is poured. The whole being then strongly pressed, and sewed up in bags, constitutes the best and most portable food kno^^ll; and one wliich will keep a great length of time. If a dainty man, like you, wishes to improve its flavour, you may spice it." "What a grand thing that would be for soldiers during forced marches, wouldn't it. "Well, Doctor," sais I, " that's a wrinkle, ain't it ? But who ever heard of a colonial minister knowing anything of colony habits ? " " If we have a chance to kill a deer," he said, " I will show you how to make it," and he looked as pleased to give me that information as if he had invented it himself. " So I use this instead of a gun," he continued, producing along, thick-barreled pistol, of capital workmanship, and well mounted. " I prefer this, it answers every purpose : and is easy to carry. There are no wolves here, and bears never attack you, unless molested, so that the gun-barrel is not needed as a club ; and if Bruin once gets a taste of this, he is in no hurry to face it again. The great thing is to know how to shoot, and where to hit. Now, it's no use to fire at the head of a bear, the proper place to aim for is the side, just back of the fore leg. Are you a good shot ? " " Well," said I, " I can't brag, for I have seen them that could beat me at that game ; but, in a general way, I don't cal- culate to throw away my lead. It's scarce in the woods. Sup- pose though we have a trial. Do you see that blaze in the hem- lock tree, there ? try it." Well, he up, and as quick as wink fired, and hit it directly in the centre. "Well," sais I, "you scare me. To tell you the truth, I didn't expect to be taken up that way. And so sure as I boast 106 8TITCIIIN0 A BUTTON-HOLE. J of a tiling, I nlip out of the little cend of the horn." "Well, I drew a bead fine on it, and it round. See, I have cut a little grain of the bark oft' the right side of the circle." "Good," said he, "these balls are near enough to give a critter the heart-ache, at any rate. You are a better shot than I am ; aud that's what I nave never seen in this province. Strange, too, for you don't live in the woods as I do." "That's the reason," said I, "I shoot for practice, you, when you require it. Use keeps your hand in, but it wouldn't do it for me; so I make up by practising whenever I can. "When I go to the woods, which ain't as often now as I could wish, for they ain't to be found everywhere in our great country, I enjoy it with all my heart. I enter into it as keen as a hound, and I don't care to have the Clockmaker run riga on. A man's life often depends on his shot, and he ought to be afraid of nothin'. Some men, too, are as dangerous as wild beasts ; but if they know you can snuff a candle with a ball, hand runnin', why, they are apt to ti their luck with some one else, that ain't up to snuff, that's all. It's a common feeling, that. " The best shot I ever knew, was a tailor at Albany. He used to be very fond of brousin' in the forest sometimes, and the young fellows was apt to have a shy at Thimble. They talked of the skirts of tne forest, the capes of the Hudson, laughing in their sleeve, giving a fellow a basfin, having a stiich in the side, cuffing a fellow's ears, taking a tuck-in at lunch, or calling mint-julip an inside lining, and so on ; and every time any o' these words came out, they all laughed like anything. " Well, the critter, who was really a capital fellow, used to join in the laugh himself, but still grinnin' is no proof a man enjoys it ; for a hyena will laugh, if you give him a poke. So what does he do, but practise in secret every morning and evening at pistol-shooting for an hour or two, until he was a shade more than perfection itself. "Well, one day he was out with a party of tliom same coons, and they began to run the old rig on him as usual. And he jumps up on eend, and in a joking kind o' way, said : * Gentlemen, can any of you stitch a button-hole, with the button in it ?' Well, they all roared out at that like mad. " ' No, Sirree,' sais they, 'but come, show us Thimble, will BTITCniXG A mrrON-HOLK. 107 you? thnt'« a good ft-llow. Totn, fetch the goo»« to prrwi it wlu'ii it'M (lone. Dick, cahbm/e a bit at* cloth tor him to try it upon. Why, Tom, yon nrc um ftharp a» a needle.^ ♦♦ • WAX; saif, he, ' I'll show yon.' " So he went to a tree, and took out of his pocket a fip- pcnny bit, that had a hole in thu centre, and putting in it a Bmall nail, which he had provided, he fastened it to the tn*e. "'Now,' said he, taking out a pair of pistols, and lots of ammunition, from the bottom of his prog-basket, where he had hid them. * Now,' said he, 'gentlewi^n, the wav to stitch a button- hole, is to put balls all round that button, in a close ring, and never disturb them ; that's what we tailors call workmanlike:' and ho fired away, shot after shot, till he had done it. " * Now,' said he, ' gentle/w^n, that button has to be fastened ;' and he fired, and drove the nail that it hung on into the tree. •And now, gentle;«riic. ' Well now, my pood fellow — ' • " Oh, Sir, if you had a seen the coujitrynmn when he heard them words, it would a been as jijood as a piny. Jle eyed him all over, very seoniful, as if he was taking his meanure and weight for throwing him over the sled by his cape and bin trouHerSjand then he put his hand in his waistcoat pocket, and toc^k out a large black fig of coarse tobacco, and bit a piece out of it, as if it was an apple, and fell too a chewing of it, as if to vent his wrath on it, but said nothing. " * Well, my good fellow,' said Mac, ' when there are more than one, or they are in the plural number, what do y^u call them ? • " ' Mice,' said the fellow. "'Mice!' said M'Clure, 'I must look into that; it's very odd. Still, it can't be mooses either.' " He didn't know what to make of it ; he had been puzzled with mouse before, and found he was wrong, so he thought it was possible ' mice ' might be the right word after all. •' ' Well,' said he, * what do you call the female moose ? ' " ' Why,' sais the man, * I guess,' a-talkin' through his nose instead of his mouth — ho»v I hate that Yankee way, don't you, Sir ? ' Why,' sais he, ' I guess we call the he-moose M, and the other N, as the case may be.' " * Who gave them tnat name ? ' said M'Clure. " ' Why, I reckon,' -aid the other, * their godfathers and god- mothers at their baptism, but I can't say, for I wam't there.' " * I say. my man,' said M'Clure, ' you had better keep a civil tongue in your head.' " ' Ask me no questions, then,* said the countryman, * and I'll tell you no lies ; but if you think to run a rig on me, you have made a mistake in the child, and barked up the wrong tree, that's all. P'raps I ain't so old as you be, but I wam't bom yesterday. So slope, if you please, for I want to sneeze, and if I do, it will blow your cap over the market-house, and you'll be lucky if your head don't go along with it." " * Come away,' said 1, ' Mac, that fellow has no more man- ners than a heathen.' " * He's an hignorant beast,' said he, * he is beneath notice.' " The man card that, and called after him, * Hofficer, hofficer,' said he. " That made M'Clure atop, for he was expectin' to be one every day, and the word sounded good, and Scotchmen, Sir, ain't like other people, pride is as natural as oatmeal to them. The man came up to us limpin'. " * Hofficer,' said he, ' I ax your pardon if I offended you, I : ■ ; ),f- THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. 119 thought you wna a pokin' fun at nu\ for I nin nothing; but a poor I»ij;norant fjirmer, from the oountrv, and thoso towri.^jw'ople are always niakinpf game of us. I'll tell you all about that are moose and how 1 killed him. lie urt mv feelins, Sir, or I never would have mislested him, for Zaek NVilcox is as good- natured a chap, it's generally allowed, as ever lived. Yes, he trod on my toes, I don't feel right yet, and when any fellow does that to me, why there ain't no mistake about it, his time is out and the sentence is come to nass. He begged for his life, oh, it was piteous to see him. I aon't mean to say the dumb beast spoke, but his looks were so beseeching just the way if you was tied up to the halbert to be whipped, you'd look at the general.' "'Me?' saidM'Clure. " * Yes, you or anybody else,' said the man. 'AVell,' said he, *I told him I wouldn't shoot him, I'de give him one chance for his life, but if he escaped he'd be deaf for ever afterwards. Poor feller, I didn't intend to come it quite so strong, but he couldn't stand the shock I gave him, and it killed hiiu — frightened him to death.* "'How?' saidM'Clure. " * Why,' sais he, * I'll tell you,' and he looked cautiously all round, as if he didn't want any one to know the secret. ' I gave him a most an almighty hambler that fairly keeled him over.' "'What?' saidM'Clure. " * AVhy,' sais he, ' I gave him,' and he bent forward towards his hear as if to whisper the word, ' I gave him a most thun- derin' everlastin' loud — ' and he gave a yell into his hear that was card clean across the harbour, and at the ospital beyond the dockyard, and t'other way as far as Fresh-water Bridge. Nothin' was hever eard like it before. " M'Clure sprang backwards the matter of four or five feet, and placed his hand on his side arms, while the countryman brayed out a horse laugh that nearly took away one's earing. The truck-men gave him a cheer, for they are all Irishmen, and they don't like soldiers commonly on account of their making them keep the peace at ome at their meetin' of monsters, and there was a general commotion in the market. We beat a re- treat, and when we got out of the crowd, sais I, ' M'Clure, that comes of arguing with every one you meet. It's a bad habit.' " ' I wasn't arguing,' sais he, quite short, ' I was only asking questions, and how can you ever learn if you don't inquire ? ' " Well, when he got to the barrack, he got a book wrote by a Frenchman, called Buffoon." "A capital name," sais I, " for a Frenchman," but he didn't 120 THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. tako, for there is no more fun in an Englishman than a dough pudding, and went on without stopping. "fSais he, 'this author is all wrong. lie calls it han 'hori- ginnl,' but ho ain't a native animal, it's half English and half Yankee. Some British cattle at a remote period have been wrecked here, strayed into the woods, and erded with the Car- riboo. It has the ugly carcass and ide of the ox, and has taken the orns, short tail, and its speed from the deer. That accounts for its being larger than the native stogs.' I think he was right, Sir, what is your opinion?" The doctor ana the rest of the porty coming up just put nn end to Jackson's dissertation on the origin of the moose. The former said, " Come, Mr Slick, suppose we try the experiment of the bow," and Jessie, seeing us preparing for shooting, asked the doctor for smaller ones for her sister and herself. The targets were accordingly prepared, and placing myself near one of them, I discharged the gun and removed a few paces on one side, and commenced as rapidly as I could to reload, but the doctor had sent three arrows through mine before I had finished. It re- quired almost as little time as a revolver. He repeated the trial again with the same result. " What do you think of the bow now ?" said he in triumph. " Come, Captain, do you and Mr Slick try your luck, and see what sort of shots you can make." The captain, who was an experienced hand with the gun, after a few attempts to ascertain the power and practice necessary, made capital play with the boAV, and his muscular arm rendered easy to him that which re- quired of me the utmost exertion of my strength. Jesjie and her sister now stept forward, and measuring off a shortv. dis- tance, took their stations. Their shooting, in which th(;y were quite at home, was truly wonderful. Instead of using the bow as we did, so as to bring the arrow in a line with the eve, they held it lower down, in a way to return the elbow to the right side, much in the same manner that a skilful sportsman shoots from the hip. It seemed to be no sort of exertion whatever to them, and every arrow was lodged in the inner circle. It seemed to awaken them to a new existence, and in their excitement I observed they used their mother tongue. " Beg your pardon. Sir," said Jackson to the doctor, put- ting his hand to his forehead, " if our sharp-shooters in Spain ad ad bows like yours, in their scrimmages virith the French light troops, they would ave done more service and made less noise about it than they did." And saluting me in the same manner, he said in an under-tone, ' } TIIK PLIHAL OF MOO.SE. 121 " If I nd ml oiM» of thfin nt Hndnjoz, Sir, I think I'd n put n 11 ill that troojwr'H iiumth t'» writ** the aocoutit of thr way ho h)Ht hirt t'hiu't. A Hh )fth Sir. ainon^ a troop of cavalry >vouhl liavo sent riders flying, and hones kicking, as lind as a shower of grape. Then* is no danger of shooting your lingers otf with them, Sir, or tiring away your ramrod. No, tliere aia't, is there, Sir?" "Tom, do'ee put on your hat now, that's a good soul," said his attentive wife, who had followed him out a third time to re- mind him of his danger. " Oh, Sir," said she, again addressing me, " what signifies a armless thing like an harrow ; that's nothiu but a little wooden rod to the stroke of the sun, as they calls it. See what a dreadful cut it's given him." Tom looked very impatient at this, but curbed in his vexa- tion, and said " Thankee, Betty," though his face expressed any- thing but thanks. "Thankee, Betty. There, the doctor is calling you. She is as good a creature. Sir, as ever lived," ho continued; "and has seen a deal of service in her day. But she bothers me to death about that stroke of the sun. Some- times I think I'll tell her all about it ; but I don't like to de- mean myself to her. She wouldn't think nothin' of me, Sir, if she thought I could nave been floored that way ; and women, when they begin to cry, throw up sometime what's disagree- able. They ain't safe. She would perhaps have heaved up in my face that that dragoon had slapped my chops for me, with his elmet. I am bloved. Sir, if I can take a glass ot grog out of my canteen, but she says, ' Tom, mind that stroke of the sun.' And when I ave a big D marked agin my name in the pension book, she'll swear, to her dying day, I was killed by that are stroke." " "Why don't you put it on then," I said, "just to please her." " "Well, Sir, if I waf» at head-quarters, or even at ban hout- post, where there was a detachment, I would put it hon ; be- cause it wouldn't seem decent to go bare-headed. But Lord bless you, Sir, what's the use of a hat in the woods, where there is no one to see you ? " Poor fellow, he didn't know what a touch of human nature there was in that expression, " whaVs the use of a hat in the tfoods, where there is no one to see you ? " The same idea, though differently expressed, occurs to so many. "Yes," said I to myself, "put on your hat for your wife's sake, and your own too ; for though you may fail to get a stroke of the sun, you may get not an inflammation of the brain, fur there ain't enough of it for that complaint to feed on, but rheumatism in the head ; and that will cause a plaguey sight more pain than the dragoon's helmet ever did, by a long chalk." 122 THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. But, to get back to my story, for the way I travel through a tale is like the way a child goes to school. He leaves the path to chase a butterfly, or to pick wild strawberries, or to run after his hat that has blown oft', or to take a shy at a bird, or throw off his shoes, roll up his trousers, and wade about the edge of a pond to catch polly-wogs ; but he gets to school in the eend, though somewhat of the latest, so I have got back at last, you see. Mother used to say, "Sam, your head is always a wool- gathering." " I am glad of it," says I, " marm." " Why, Sam," she'd say, " why, what on earth do you mean ? " " Because, marm," I'd reply, " a head that's alway a gather- ing will get well stored at last." "Do get out," the dear old soul would say, "I do believe, in my heart, you are the most nimpent (impudent), idlest, good- for-nothingest boy in the world. Do get along." But she was pleased, though, after all ; for women do like to repeat little things like them, that their children say, and ask other people, who don't hear a word, or if they do. only go right off" and laugh at 'em : " Ain't that proper 'cute now ? Make a considerable smart man when he is out of his time, and finished his broughtens up, won't he ? " Well, arter the archery meeting was over, and the congre- gation disparsed, who should I find myself a walkin' down to the lake with but Jessie ? How it was, I don't know, for I warn't a lookin' for her, nor she for me ; but so it was. I suppose it is human natur, and that is the only way I can account for it. Where there is a flower, there is the bee ; where the grass is sweet, there is the sheep ; where the cherry is ripe, there is the bird ; and where there is a gall, especially if she is pretty, there it is likely I am to be found also. Yes, it must be natur. Well, we walked, or rather, strolled off easy. There are different kinds of gaits, and they are curious to observe ; for I consait sometimes I can read a man's character in his walk. The child trots ; the boy scarcely touches the ground with his feet, and how the plague he wears his shoes out so fast I don't know. Perhaps Doctor Lardner s.an tell, but I'll be hanged if I can, for the little critter is so light, he don't even squash the grass. The sailor waddles like a duck, and gives his trousers a jerk to keep them from going down the masts (his legs) by the run ; a sort of pull at the main-brace. The soldier steps solemn and formal, as if the dead march in Saul was a play in'. A man and his wife walk on different sides of the street ; he sneaks along head down, and she struts head up, as if she never heard the THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. 123 rough 2S the to run ird, or it the ool in ack at wool- leanr ^ather- 3elieve, ;, good- like to md ask ;o right Make a [inished congre- 1 to the ^-arn't a )se it is for it. Trass is e is the y, there > natur. liffereut consait le child ?et, and ; know. f I can, e grass, jerk to he run; smn and nan and :s along ard the old proverb, *' "Woe to the house where the hen crows." They leave the carriage-way between them, as it' ttiev were afraid their thoughts could be heard. When meetin' is out, a lover lags behind, as if he had nothin' above particular to do but to go home ; and he is in no hurry to do that, for dinner won't be ready this hour. But, as soon as folks are dodged by a blue bonnet with pink ribbons ahead, he pulls foot like a lamp- lighter, and is up with the gall that wears it in no time, and she whips her arms in hisn, and they saunter off, to make the way as long as possible. She don't say, " Pcfoit'^rful sermon that, wam't it ?" and he don't reply, "1 heerd nothin' but the text, ' Love one another.' " Nor does he squeeze her arm with his elbow, nor she pinch his with her little blue-gloved lingers. Watch them after that, for they go so slow, they almost crawl, they have so much to say, and they want to make the best of their time ; and besides, walking fast would put them out of breath. The articled-clerk walks the streets with yn air as much like a military man as he can ; and it resembles it almost as much as electrotype ware does silver. He tries to look at ease, though it is a great deal of trouble ; but he imitates him to a hair in some things, for he stares impudent at the galls, has a cigar in his mouth, dresses snobbishly, and talks of making a book at A'^rot. The young lawyer struts along in his seven- league boots, has a white-bound book in one hand, and a parcel of papers, tied with red tape, in the other. He is in a desperate hurry, and as sure as the world, somebody is a dying, nd has sent for him to make his will. The Irish priest walks like a warder who has the keys. There is an air of authority about him. He puts his cane down on the pavement hard, as much as to say. Do you hear that, you spalpeen ? He has the secrets of all the pansh in his keeping ; but they are other folk's secrets, and not his own, and of course, so much lighter to carry, it don't prevent him looking like a jolly fellow, as he is, arter all. The high-churchman has an M.B. waistcoat on, is f)articular about his dress, and walks easy, like a gentleman, ooks a little pale about the gills, like a student ; brit has the air of a man that wanted you to understand — I am about my work, and I would have you to know I. am the boy to do it, and do it too without a fuss. If he meets a bishop, he takes his hat oif, for he admits his authority. If a beggar accosts him, he slips some charity in his hands, and looks scared lest he should be seen. The low-churchman hates the M.B. vestment, it was him who christened it. He is a dab at nick-names. He meant it , 12t THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. ! ^ to signify tlie Mark of the Beast. He likes the broad-brimmed beaver, it's more like a quaker, and leos like a pope. It is pri- mitive. He looks better fed than the other, and m better care. Preaehin' he finds in a general way easier than practice. "VVatch his face as he goes along, slowly and solemncoly through the street. He looks so good, all the women that see him say, " Ain't he a dear man ? " He is meekness itself. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He has no pride in him. If there is any, it ain't in his heart at any rate. Perhaps there is a little grain in his legs, but it never got any higher. Sometimes, I suspect they have been touched with the frost, for the air of a dinmg-room is colder under the table than above it, and his legs do march stiff and formal like a soldier's, but then, as he says, he is of the church militant. See what a curious ex- pression of countenance he has when he meets his bishop, llead it, it says : " Now, my old Don, let us understand each other ; you may ordain and confirm, but don't you go one inch beyond that. No synods, no regeneration in baptism, no con- trol for me ; I won't stand it. My idea is every clergyman is a bishop in his own parish, and his synod is composed of pious galls that work, and rich spinsters that give. If you do interfere, I will do my duty and rebuke those in high places. Don't rile me, for I have an ugly pen, an ugly tongue, and an ugly temper, and nothing but my sanctity enables me to keep them under." If he is accosted by a beggar, he don't, like the other, give him money to squander, but he gives him instruction. He presents him »vith a tract. As he passes on, the poor wretch pauses and looks after him, and mutters — "Is it a prayer ? most likely, for that tract must be worth something, for it cost something to print." Then there is the sectarian lay-brother. He has a pious walk, looks well to his ways lest he should stumble, and casting his eyes down, kills two birds with one stone. He is in deep meditation about a contract for a load of deals, and at the same time regards his steps, for the ways of the world are slippery. His digestion is not good, and he eats pickles, for the vinegar shows in his face. Like Jehu Judd, he hates "fiddling and dancing, and serving the devil," and it is lucky he has a down- cast look, for here come two girls that would shock him into an ague. Both of them have the colonial step and air, both of them too are beautiful, as Nova Scotia girls generally are. The first is young and delicate, and as blooming as a little blush-rose. She holds out with each hand a portion of her silk di-ess, as if she was walking a minuet, and it discloses a snow-white petti- THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. 125 coat, and such a dear little foot and ankle — lick ! Iler step is short and mincing. She has a new bonnet on, just imported by the last English steamer. It has a horrid name, it is called a kiss-me-. uick. It is so far back on hei head, she is afraid people will think she is hare-faced, so she casts her eyes down, as much as to say, " Don't look at me, please, I am so pretty I am afraid you will stare, and if you do I shall faint, as sure as the world, and if you want to look at my bonnet, do pray go behind me, for what there is of it is all there. It's a great trial to me to walk alone, when I am so pretty." So she compresses her sweet lips with such resolution, that her dear little mouth looks so small you'd think it couldn't take in a sugar-plum. Oh, dear, here are some officers approaching, for though she looks on the pavement she can see ahv ad for all that. "What is to be done. She half turns aside, half is enough, to turn her back would be rude, and she looks up at a print or a necklace, or something or another in a shop window, and it's a beautiful attitude, and very becoming, and if they will stare, she is so intent on the show glass, she can't see them, and won't faint, and her little heart flutters as one of them says as he passes, " Devilish pretty gall, that. Grant, who is she ?" and then she resumes her walk, and minces on. If any man was to take his Bible oath that that little deli- cate girl, when she gets home, and the hall-door is shut, will scream out at the tip eend of her voice, like a screetching para- quet, "Eliza Euphemia, where in creation have you stowed yourself too?" and that Eliza Euphemia would hear her away up in the third story, and in the same key answer : " I can't come down, I ain't fit to be seen, nary way, for I'm all open before, and onfastened behind, and my hair is aU in paper," I wouldn't believe him ; would you ? The other young lady, that follows, is a little too much of Juno, and somewhat too little of Venus. She is a tall, splendid- looking heifer, as fine a gall as you wiU see in any country, and she takes it for granted you don't need to inquire who she is. She ain't bold, and she ain't diffident ; but she can stare as weii as you can, and has as good a right too. Her look is scorny, as the snobocracy pass and do homage, by bestowing on her an ad- miring look. Her step is firm, but elastic ; it is a decided step, but the pious lay-brother regards her not, and moves not out of his way for her. So she stops that he may see his error, and when he does look, he perceives that it would lead him into fur- ther error if he gazed long, so he moves to the other side of the path, but does it so slowly, she confronts him again. After a moment's reflection, he tries to turn her flank — a movement that \ 120 THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. is unfortunately anticipated Ijy lier, and there is a collision on the track. The concussion dislocates his hat, and the red silk Bandannah handkerchief, which acted as travelling-bag, and pocket-book, discharges its miscellaneous contents on the pave- ment. That's onlucky ; for he was a going to shunt off on an- other line and get away ; but he has to stop and pick up the fragmentary freight of his beaver. Before he can do this, he is asked by Juno how he dares to stop a lady in that indecent manner in the street ; and while he is pleading not guilty to the indictment, the gentlemen that stared at the simpering beauty, come to the aid of the fair pro- secutrix. She knows them, and they say, " Capital, by Jove — what a rum one he is ! " Kum one ; why he is a member of a temperance society, walks in procession when to home, with a white apron in front, and the ends of a scarf-like sash behind, and a rosette as large as a soup-plate on his breast — a rum one ; what an infamous accusation ! The poor man stands aghast at this ; he humbly begs pardon, and Juno is satisfied. She takes one of the beaux by the arm, and says : " Do pray see me home — I am quite nervous ; " and to prove it she laughs as loud as any of them. The joke is now being carried too far, and the young sword-knots pick up, amid roars of laughter, his handkerchief, the papers, the horn-comb, the fig of tobacco, the fractured pipe, the jack-knife, and the clean shirt-collar, that was only worn once, and toss them into his hat, which is carefully secured on his head, so low as to cover his eyes, and so tight as nearly to shave off both his ears. The lay-brother thinks, with great truth, that he would sooner take five yoke of oxen, and tail a mast for a frigate through the solid forest to the river, than snake his way through the streets of a garrison-to^vn. After re-adjusting his hat, he resumes his pious gait, and Jimo also goes her way, and exhibits her decided step. Now, the step of Jessie and myself was unlike any of these — it was a natural and easy one ; the step of people who had no reason to hurry, and, at the same time, were not in the habi+ of crawling. In this manner we proceeded to the lake, and sought a point of land which commanded a full view of it on both sides, and embraced nearly its whole length. Here was a clump of tre 3s from which the underwood had been wholly cut away, so as to form a shade for the cattle depasturing in the meadow. As we entered the grove, Jessie exclaimed : " Oh ! Mr Slick, do look ! Here is a canoe — can you use a paddle?" "As well as an oar," said I, "and perhaps a little grain better J for I haven't been down all the New Brunswick and 1' THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. 127 Nova Scotia rivers in 'em for nothing, let alone Lake '^^icllii»nn, George, ^Nladawaska, and liossignol, and I don't know how many others. Step in, and let us have at them on the water." In a minute the canoe was launched, and awav we flew like lightning. Oh, there is nothing like one of those light, elegant, graceful barks ; what is a wherry or a whale-boat, or a skull or a gig, to them ? They draw no more water than an egg-shell ; they require no strength to paddle ; they go right up on the beach, and you can carry them about like a basket. With a light hand, a cool head, and a quick eye, you can make them go where a duck can. What has science, and taste, and handicraft ever made to improve on this simple contrivance of the savage? When I was for two years in John Jac ^b Astor Fur Company's em- ployment, I knew the play of Jessie's tribe. " Can you catch," said I, " Miss ? " "Canyon?" " Never fear." And we exchanged paddles, as she sat in one end of the canoe and I in the other, by throwing them diagonally at each other as if we were passing a shuttle-cock. She almost screamed with delight, and in her enthusiasm addressed me in her native Indian language. " Gaelic," said I, " give ii ■ Gaelic, dear, for I am very simple and very innocent." " Oh, very," she said, and as she dropped her paddle into the water, managed to give me the benefit of a spoonful in the eyes. After we had tried several evolutions with the canoe, and had proceeded homeward a short distance, we opened a miniature bay into which we leisurely paddled, until we arrived at its head, where a small waterfall of about forty feet in height poured its tributary stream into the lake. On the right-hand side, which was nearest to the house, was a narrow strip of verdant intervale, dotted here and there with vast shady beeches and elms. X never saw a more lovely spot. Hills rose above each other beyond the waterfall, like buttresses to support the conical one that, though not in itself a mountain (for there is not, strictly speaking, one in this province), yet loomed as large in the light mist that en- veloned its lofty peak. As this high cliff rose abruptly from the lake, the light of smaller cascades was discernible through the thin shrubbery that clothed its rocky side, although their voice was drowned in the roar of that at its base. Nothing was said by either of us for some time, for both were occupied by different thoughts. I was charmed with its extra- ordinary beauty, and wondered how it was possible that it should be so Kttle known as not even to have a name. My companion, 128 THE PLURAL OF MO JSE. li In I on tho other hand, was enf^aged in sad reflections, which tlic si- milarity of the scene with her early recollections of her home in the far west suggested to her mind. "Ain't this beautiful, Jessie?" I said, "don't this remind you of Canada, or rather your own country ? " "Oh, yi s" she said, "me — me," for during the whole day there had beer a sad confusion of languages t.nd idioms, " me very happy and very sad ; I want to laugh, I want to cry ; I am here and there," pointing to the north-west. " Laughing, talk- ing, spoi-ting with my father, and Jane, and you, and am also by the side of my dear mother, far — far beyond those hills. I see your people and my people ; I paddle in our canoe, shoot with our bows, speak our language ; yes, I am here, and there also. The sun too is in both places. He sees us all. When I die, perhaps I shall go back, out I am not of them or of you — I am nothing," and she burst into tears and wept bitterly. " Jessie," said I, " let us talk about something else ; you have been too mnch excited this morning, let us enjoy what God gives us, and not be ungrateful ; let your sister come also, and try the canoe once more. This is better than a hot room, ain't it?" " Oh yes," she replied, "this is life. This is freedom." " Suppose we dine here," I said. " Oh yes," she replied, " I should like it above all things. Let us dine on the grass, the table the great Spirit spreads for his children ; " and the transient cloud passed away, and we srjed back to the lawn as if the bark that carried us was a bird tliat bore us on its wings. Poor Jessie, how well I understood her emotions. Home is a word, if there is one in the language, that appeals directly to the heart. Man and wife, father and mother, brothers and sisters, master and servant, with all their ties, associations, and duties, all, all are contained in that one word. Is it any wonder, when her imagination raised them up before her, that the woman became again a child, and that she longed for the wings of the dove to fly away to the tents of her tribe in the far west ? I am myself as dry, as seasoned, and as hard as the wood of which my clocks are made. I am a citizen of the world rather than of Slickville. But I too felt my heart sink within me when I re- flected that mine, also, was desolate, and that I was alone in my own house, the sole surviving tenant cf all that large domestic circle, whosr meny voices once made iis silent halls vocal with responsive echoes of happiness. We know that our fixed domi- cile is not here, but we feel that it is and must continue to be our home, ever dear and ever sacred, until we depart hence for ¥ is THE PLURAL OF MOOSL. 120 aridther niul a hcttiT world. They know but littlo of tno ni^ency vt' humfin feelini^s, wlio in tlu'ir |)roaclHni; atttMiipt to h'-sseu our attarhmi'iit for the paternal roof, l)eeauae, in eonnnon with all other earthly possessions, it is perishable in its nature, and uncertain in its tenure. The home of life is not the less es- timable because it is not the home of eternity ; but the more valuable perha|)3 as it prepares and lits us by its joys and its sorrows, its rights and its duties, and also by what it withholds, as well as imparts, for that inheritance which awaits us hereafter. Yes, home is a great word, but its full meaning ain't understood by every one. It ain't those who have one, or those who have none, that comprehend what it is ; nor those who in the course of nature leave the old and found a new one for themselves ; nor those who, when they quit, shut their eyes and squinch their faces when they think of it, as if it fetched something to their mind that warn't pleasant to recollect ; nor those who suddenly rise so high in life, that their parents look too vulgar, or the old cottage too mean for them, or their former acquaintances too low. J3ut I'll tell you who knows the meaning and feels it too ; a fellow like me, who had a cheerful home, a merry and a happy home, and who when he returns from foreign lands finds it deserted and as still as the grave, and all that he loved scattered and gone, some to the tomb, and others to distant parts of the earth. The solitude chills him, the silence appals him. At night shadows follow him like ghosts of the departed, and the walls echo back the sound of his footsteps, as if demons were laughing him to scorn. The least noise is heard over the w^hole house. The clock ticks so loud he has to remove it, for it affects his nerves. The stealthy mouse tries to annoy him with his ]nimic personification of the burglar, and the wind moans among the trees as if it lamented the general desolation. If he strolls out in his grounds, the squirrel ascends the highest tree and chatters and scolds at the unusual intrusion, while the birds fly away screaming with aftright, as if pursued by a vulture. They used to be tame once, when the family inhabited the house, and listen with wonder at notes sweeter and more musical than their own. They would even feed from the hand that protected them. His dog alone seeks his society, and strives to assure him by mute but expressive gestures that he at least will never desert him. As he paces his lonely quarter-deck (as he calls the gravel- walk in front of his house), the silver light of the moon, gleaming here and there between the stems of the aged trees, startles him with the delusion of unreal white-robed forms, that flit about the shady groves as if enjoying or pitving his con- * 9 130 THE PLURAL OF MOOSE. dition, or perhaps wnrninj? liim that in a few short years he too must join this host of disembodied spirits. Time hangs heavily on his hands, he is tired of reading, it is too early for repot-e, so he throws himself on the sofa and muses, but even meditation calls for a truce. His heart laments its solitude, and his tongue its silence. Nature is weary and ex- hausted, and sleep at last comes to his aid. But, alas ! he awakes in the morning only to resume his dull monotonous course, and at last he fully comprehends what it is to be alone. "Women •won't come to see him, for fear they might be talked about, and those that would come would soon make him a subject of scan- dal. He and the world, like two people travelliii:,' in opposite directions, soon increase at a rapid rate the distance between them. He loses his interest in what is going on around him, and people lose their interest in him. If his name happens to be mentioned, it may occasion a listless remark, " I wonder how he spends his time ?" or, " The poor devil must be lonely there." Yes, yes, there are many folks in the world that talk of things they don't understand, and there are precious few who appreciate the meaning of that endearing term " home." He only knows it as I have said who has lived in one, amid a large family, of which he is the solitary surviving member. The change is like going from the house to the sepulchre, w4th this difference only, one holds a living and the other a dead body. Yes, if you have had a home you know what it is, but if you have lost it, then and not till then do you feel its value. CHAPTEE X. A DAT ON THE LAKE. — PABT I. "When we reached the grove, I left Jessie in the canoe, and ■went up to the house in search of her sister. Jackson and Pe- ter were sitting on the wood-pile ; the latter was smoking his pipe, and the other held his in his hand, as he v as relating some ytory of his exploits in Spain. "When I app 'oached, he I'ose up and saluted me in his usual formal manner. " Where is the doctor," said I, " and the rest of the party ?" " Gone to see a tame moose of his, Sir," he said, "in the pasture ; but they will be back directly." " Well," sais I, lighting a cigar by Peter's pipe, and taking A DAY ON THE LAKE. 131 he too tig, it is muses, mts its and ex- awakes pse, and Women )ut, and of sean- )ppo8ite jetweeu ad him, )pen8 to der how r there." talk of few who 3." He I a large r. The vith this ,d body, if you moe, and and Pe- king his relating iched, he party?" "in the d taking ft seat alongside of him, " go on Jackson ; don't let me inter- rupt you." " 1 was just telling Mr IMcDonakl Sir," said he, " of a night I once spent on the field of battle in Spain." "A^'ell, goon." " As I was a saying to him, Sir," he continued, " you could ear the wolves among the dead and the dying a owling like so many devils. I was afraid to go to sleep, as I didn't know when my turn might come ; so I put my carbine across my knees, and sat up as well as I could, determined to sell mv life as dearly as possible, but I was so w^eak from the loss of blood, that I kept dozing and starting all the time amost. Oh, wliat a tedious night 'lat was, Sir, and how I longed for the dawn of day, when Bear i should be made among us for the wounded ! t as the fog began to rise, I saw a henormous wolf, abou a hundred yards or so from me, busy tearing a body to pieces ; and taking a gotd steady haim at him, I fired, when he called out : " ' l^lood and ounds ! you cowardly furrm rascal, haven't you had your belly-full of fighting yet, that you must be after mur- thering a wounded man that way? By the powers of Moll Kelly, but you won't serve Pat Kallahan that dirty trick again anyhow.' '•As he levelled at me, I fell back, and the ball passed right over me and struck a wounded orse that was broke down be- hind, and a sittin' up on his fore-legs like a dog. Oh, the scream of that are hanimal. Sir, was just like a Christian's. It was hawful. I have the sound of it in my ears now halraost. It pierced through me, and you might have eard it that still morn- ing over the whole field. He sprung up and then fell over, and kicked and struggled furious for a minute or two before he died, and every time he lashed out, you could a eard a elpless wounded wretch a groanin' bitterly, as he battered aw^ay at him. The truth is. Sir, what I took for a wolf that hazy morning, was poor Pat, who was sitting up, and trying to bandage his hankie, that was shattered by a bullet, and tho way he bobbed his head up and down, as he stooped forward, looked exactly as a wolf does "when he is tearing the flesh off a dead body. " "Well, the scream of that are orse, and the two shots the dragoon and I exchanged, saved my life, for I saw a man and a woman making right straight for us. It was Betty, Sir, God bless her, and Sergeant M'Clure. The owling she sot up, when she saw me, was dreadful to ear. Sir. " * Betty,' said I, ' dear, for eaven's sake see if you can find a drop of brandy in any of these poor fellows' canteens, for I am perishing of thirst, and amost chilled to death.' < ■ -m 132 A DAY ON THE LAKE. pi 's not in my " * Oh, Tom, dear,' Baid nho, ' I Imvo th<>»it,'1it of tlint.' juid imHlin^inj; otu; I'rotn her Hhoiildcrrt put it to my lips, and 1 hv- liove I would have drained it at a draft, but aha Huatcliod it away directly, and said: "' Oh, do 'eo think of that dreadful stroke of the Hun, Tom. It will Met you crazy if you drink any more.' " ' The stroke ot the sun be an^CMl ! ' said I ; * it'e ead this time— it's in the oth(T end of me.' "'Oh dear, dear!' said Hetty; 'two sueli marks as them, and you so handsome too! Oh dear, dear!' " Poor old soul ! it's a way she had of trying to come round me. "'Wliere is it?' said M'Clure, " * In the calf of my le^,' said I. " Well, he was a handy man, for he had been a hospital-sar- geant, on account of being able to read doctors' pot-hooks and inscriptions. So he cut my boot, and stript down my stocking and looked at it. Says he, * I must make a turn-and-quit.' " ' Oh, Itory,' said I, ' don't turn and quit your old comrade that way.' " * Oh, Kory, dear,' said Betty, * don't 'ee leave Tom now — don't 'ee, that's a good soul.' " ' Pooh ! ' said he, ' nonsense ! How your early training has been neglected, Jackson ! ' " ' llory,' said I, ' if I was well you wouldn't dare to pass that slur upon me. I am as well-trained a soldier and as brave a man as ever you was.' " ' Tut, tut, man,' said he, ' I meant your learning.' " ' Well,' says I, * I can't brag much of that, and I am not sorry for it. INlany a better scholar nor you, and better-look- ing man too, has been anged afore now, for all his schoolin'.' " Says he, ' I'll soon set you up, Tom. Let me see if I can find anything here that will do for a turn-and-quit.' " Close to where I lay there was a fu rin officer who had his head nearly amputated with a sabre -ut. Well, he took a beautiful gold repeater out of his fob, and a great roll of dub- loons out of one pocket, and a little case of diamond rings out of the other. "'The thieving Italian rascal!' said he, 'he has robbed a jeweller's shop before he left the town,' and he gave the body a kick and passed on. Well, close to him was an English officer. " ' Ah,' said he, ' here is something useful,' and he undid his sash, and then feeling in his breast pocket, he hauled out a tin tobacco-case, and opening of it, says he : " ' Tom, here's a real god-send for you. This and the sash A DAY 0\ Tin: LAKK. 133 I will pivo you ns a kcf'psako. Tlu«y are niiiie by the tortuiio of war. but I will lu'Htow tlu'in on you.'" '• Oi-'li ! oii^h !" Hiiid Prtcr, " h)u» waa no shontltMnftn." "lit' warn't then, Sir," said Tom, not underntandinj; bun, " for he was only a sargeant liko me at that time, but he ia now, for he '\n an ollieer." •' No, no," said Peter, " the kinj^ can make an ofTisher, but she can't make a sbeiitlcman. She took the oyster hern aiusel, and pave vou the shell." " Well," continued Jackson, "he took the sash, and tied it round my lep, and then took a bayonet off a corpse, and with that twisted it round and round so tight it urt more nor the wound, and then he secured the bayonet so that it wouldn't slip. There was a furrin trooper's orse not far otF that had lost his rider, and had got his rein bunder his foreleg, so Betty caught him and brought him to where I was a sitting. By the baid of another pull at the canteen, wliich put new life into me, and by their hassiatance, I was got on the saddle, and he and Betty steadied me on the banimal, and led me oft". I no sooner got on the orse than Betty fell to a crying and a scolding again like anything. '• ' What hails you now,' says I, * Betty ? Tou are like your own towii of Plymouth — it's showery weather with you all the year round amost. AVhat's the matter now?' " ' Oh, Tom, Tom,' said she, * you will break my eart yet — I know you will.' " ' Why what have I done ? ' says I. ' I couldn't help get- ting that little scratch on the leg.' " ' Oh, it tante that,' she said; ' it's that orrid stroke of the sun. There's your poor ead huncovered again. Where is your elmet ? ' " ' oil, bother,' sais I, ' ow do I know ? Somewhere on the ground, I suppose.' " Well, back she ran as ard as she could, but M'Clure wouldn't wait a moment for her and went on, and as she couldn't find mine, she undid the furriner's and brought that, and to pacity her I had to put it on and wear it. It wj;3 a good day for M'Clure, and I was glad of it, for he was a great scholar and the best friend I ever had. He sold the orse for twenty pounds afterwards." " She don't want to say nothin' disrespectable," said Peter, " against her friend, but she was no shentleman for all tat." " lie is now%" said Tom again, Avith an air of triumph. " He is an hofficer, and dines at the mess. I don't suppose he'd be seen with me now% for it's agen the rides of the service, but he is the best friend I have in the world." ini A DAY ON THE LAKE. "She don't know notliin'H])out ta nuHH hrrself," naid Prtrr, "but hIic Mii[)|)o«('s hIic ratH meat and drinks winr every tay, wliieli waH njon* tan whe did am a i)oy. liut nlie'd ratlier live on oatmeal and drink wliiHkey, and ne a poor Klientlenien. than bo an ollicher like AM'Clure, and tine with the Queen, Cot bless her." '* Aniit on no occasion did the distance exceed a yard or so. When Ave had but the remaining third to accomplish, I cautioned the girls that the rowers would now probably put out all their strength, and take them by surprise, and therefore advised them to be on their guard. They said a few words to each other in their na- tive language, laughed, and at once prepared for the crisis, by readjusting their seats and foothold, and then the eldest said, with a look of animation, that made her surpassingly beautiful, " Now," and away we went like iled lightning, leaving the boat behind at a rate that was perfectly incredible. They had evidently been playing with ther^. at first, and doing no more than to ascertain their speed and power of pro- pulsion, and had all along intended to reserve themselves for this triumph at the last. As soon as w e reached the winning point, I rose up to give the cheer of victory, but just at that moment, they suddenly backed water with their paddles, and in turning towards the boat, the toe of my boot caught in one of the light ribs of the canoe, which had been loosened by the heat of the sun, and I instantly saw that a fall was unavoidable. To put a hand on the side of the little bark would inevitably over- set it, and ])recipitate the girls into the lake. I had but one resource left therefore, and that was to arch over the gunwale, and lift my feet clear of it, while I dove into the water. It was the work of an instant, and in another I had again reached the cauoe. Begging Jessie to move forward, so as to counter- A DAY ON THE LAKE. 137 baliince my weight, I rose over the stem (if a craft can be said to have one, where both ends ;ire alike, and it can be propelled either way), and then took the seat that had been oc(;upied by her. "Now, Jane," said I, "I must return to the house, and get a dry suit of the doctors olothes ; let us see what we can do." The doctor told me Betty knew more about his wardrobe than he did himself, and would furnish me with what I re- quired ; and in the mean time, that they would lay upon their oars till we returned. " Are you ready. Miss," said I, '* I want you to do your prettiest now, and put your best foot out, because I wish them to see that I am not the awkward critter in a canoe they think lam." The fact is, Squire, that neither the doctor nor Cutler knew, that to avoid falling under the circumstances I was placed in, and to escape without capsizing the canoe, was a feat that no man, but one familiar with the management of those fragile barks, and a good swimmer, too, can perform. Peter was aware of it, and appreciated it. ; out the other two seemed disposed to cut their jokes upon me ; and them that do that, generally find, in the long run, I am upsides with them, that's a fact. A cat and a Yankee always come on their feet, pitch them up in the air as high and as often as you please. " Now for it," said I, •\Tid away we went at a 2.30 pace, as we say of" our trotting horses. Cutler and the doctor cheered us as we went; and Peter, as the latter told me afterwards, said : " A man who can dwell like an otter, on both land and sea, has two lives." I indorse that saw, he made it himself; it's genuine, and it was like a trapper's maxim. Warn't it ? As soon as I landed I cut off for the house, and in no time rigged up in a dry suit of our host's, and joined the party, afore they knew where they were. I put on a face as like the doctor's as two clocks of mine are to each other. I didn't do it to make fun of him, but out of him. Oh, they roared again, and the doctor joined in it as heartily as any of them, though he didn't understand the joke. But Peter didn't seem to like it. He had lived so much among the Indians, and was so ac- customed to their way of biling things down to an essence, that he spoke in proverbs, or wise saws. Says he to me, with a shake of his head, "« mochivg bird has no voice of its own.'''' It warn't a bad sayin', was it ? I wish I had noted more of them, for though I like 'em, I am so yamey, I can't make them as pithey as he did. I can't talk short-hand, and I must say I . i-.-rrawa^,h«yBtti 133 A DAY ON THE LAKE. like condensation. Now, brevity is the only use to individuals there is in telep^raphs. There is very little good news in the world for any of us ; and bad news comes fast enough. I hate them myself. The only good there is in 'em, is to make people •write short ; for if you have to pay for every word you use, you won't be extravagant in 'em, there is no mistake. Telegraphs ruin intellect ; they reduce a wise man to the level of a fool ; and fifty years hence there won't be a sensible trader left. For national purposes thoy are very well, and government ought to have kept thera to themselves, for those objects ; but they play the devil with merchants. There is no room for the exercise of judgment. It's a dead certainty now. Flour is eight dollars in England ; well, every one knows that, and the price varies, and every one knows that also, by tele- graph. Before that, a judgmatical trader took his cigar in hia mouth, sat down, and calculated. Crops short, Russian war, blockade, and so on. Capital will run up prices, till news of new harvest are known ; and then they will come down by the run. He deliberates, reasons, and decides. Now, the last Liver- pool paper gives the price current. It advises all, and governs all. Any blockhead can be a merchant now. Formerly, they poked sapey-headed goneys into Parliament, to play dummey ; or into the army and navy, the church, and the colonial oflBce. But they kept clever fellows for law, special commissioners, the stage, the "Times," the "Chronicle," and such like able papers, and commerce ; and men of middlin' talents were resarved for doctors, solicitors, Gretna Green, and so on. But the misfortinate prince-merchants now will have to go to the bottom of the list with tradesmen and retailers. They can't have an opinion of their own, the telegraph will give it. The latest quotations, as they call them, come to them, they know that iron is Jirm, and timber giving way, that lead is dull and heavy, and coal gone to biases, while the stocks are rising and vessels sinking, all the rest they won't trouble their heads about. The man who trades with Cuba, won't care about Sinope, and it's too much trouble to look for it on the map. AVhile the Black Sea man won't care about Toronto, or whether it is in Nova Scotia or Vermont, in Canada or California. There won't soon be a merchant that understands geography. But what is wuss, half the time the news is false, and if it hadn't been for that, old Hemp and Iron would have made a fortune. And if it is true, it's worse still, for he would have acted on his own judgment if he hadn't heard it, and circum- stances would have altered as they always are doing every day, and he would have made a rael hit. Oh, I hate them. And be- '^o \. A DAY 0\ THE LAKE. 130 sides this, they have spoiled them hy swearing the openitora. An oath gives them fellows such an itch to blart, that though they don't inform, they let the cat out of the bag, and that is as bad. Tell you what, I wouldn't like to confess by telegraph. If I am courting a gall and she sais all right, why then my tun is spoiled, for when a thing is settled, all excitement is gone, and if I am refused, the longer I am in ignorance the better. It is wiser to wait, as the Frenchman did at Clare, who sat up three nights to see how the letters passed over the wires. AVell, if I am married, I have to report progress, and log- books are always made up before or afterwards. It's apt to injure my veracity. In short, you know what I mean, and I needn't follow it out, for a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse. But the Lord have mercy on merchants, any fool will get along as well as the best of them now. Dear me, I recollect a man they poked fun at once at Salem. They induced, him by way of a rise, to ship a cargo of blankets and warming-pans to the West Indies. "Well, he did so, and made a good speck, for the pans were bought for dippers, and the blankets for strainers. Yes, telegraphs will reduce merchants to the level of that fellow Isaac Oxter. But I must look for the trail again, or I shaU forget my story. I think I left off where I got back in the canoe, and joined the party in the boat. Well, we then proceeded like the off and near ox, pulling from rather than to each other, but still keeping neck and neck as it were. In this manner we proceeded to the head of the lake, and then as we returned steered for a small wooded island in the centre, where I proposed to land and rest awhile, for this beautiful sheet of water was of considerable extent. As we approached it, Peter again struck up his pipes, and shortly afterwards a noble male moose, as much terrified by the noise as McDonald said Canada wolves were, broke cover, and swam for the main land. The moose frequently select such places to secure their young from the bears, who are their great- est enemies, and find an easy prey in their helpless calves. It ?'3 not improbable that the female still remained, and that this act of gallantry in tho buck Avas intended to withdraw attention from her, and thus save her from pursuit. I had no bullets with me, and my gun was only loaded with duck-shot. To dis- charge that at him, would have been a wanton act of cruelty, as at most it could only inflict upon him painful wounds. In this emergency, Jessie pointed to a stout half-inch rope that was coiled up in the bottom of the canoe, and I immediately ex- H* 140 A DAY ON THE LAKE. c'lipjifjed places witli her, and commenced making a lasso, wliilo she plied the paddle. We gained rapidly upon him, and I v/as preparing to throw the fatal noose over his horns, when to my astonishment he raised his neck and a portion of his fore-legs out of the water, as if he was landing. We were ^hen a considerable distance from the shore, but it appeared, as I aften\ards learned from the doctor, that a long low neck of land made out there into the lake, that was only submerged in the spring and autumn, but ia summer was covered with wild grass, upon which deer fed with avidity, as an agreeable change from browsing. The instinct of the animal induced him to make for this shallow, from which he could bound away at full speed (trot) into the cover. All hope of the chase was now over, and I was about aban- doning it in despair, when an arrow whizzed by us, and in an instant he sprang to his feet, and exposed his huge form to view. He was a remarkable fine spenmen of his kind, for they are the largest as well as the ugliest of the deer tribe. For an instant ho paused, shook himself violently, and holding down his head, put up his fore-leg to break off that, which evidently maddened nim. with pain. He then stood up erect, with his head high in the air, and laid his horns back on his neck, and, giving a snort of terror, prepared to save his life by flight. It is astonishing how much animation and attitude lias to do with beauty. I had never seen one look well betbi-e, but as his form was relieved against the sky, he looked as he is, the giant king of the forest. He was just in the act of shifting his feet in the yielding surface of the boggy meadow, preparatory to a start, when he was again transfixed by an arrow, in a more vulnerable and vital part. He sprung, or rather reared forward, and came down on his knees, and then several times repeated the attempt to commence his flight by the same desperate ettbrt. At last he fell to rise no more, and soon rolled over, and after some splashing with his head to avoid the impending death by drowning, quietly submitted to his fate. Nothing now was visible of him but the tips of his horns, and a small strip of the hide that covered his ribs. A shout from the boat proclaimed the victory. " Ah, Mr Slick," said the doctor, " what could you have done with only a charge of duck-shot in your gun, eh i' The arrow, you see, served for shot and bullet. I could have killed him with the first shaft, but his head was turned, and covered the vital spot. So I had to aim a little too far forward, but still it carried a death-warrant with it, for he couldn't have run over a mile without falling from exhaustion, arising from the loss of A DAY ON THE LAKK. lU blood. It is a charmiug day for the bow, for tliore is no wind, and I could hit a dollar at a bundrod and twenty yards. Thoit* is another on that island, but she j)robably has a calf, perhaps two, and it would be a wicked waste of the food that God provides for us, to destroy her. But we must jT;et this fjentleman into the boat, and it will bring us down so deep in the water, we must keep near the shore, as it may be necessary occasionally to wade." Peter, without ceremony, began to make preparations for such an emergency. He had been accustomed all his life, until he left the Nor-west Company's employment, to the kilt, and he neither felt nor looked at home in the trousers. Like most of his countrymen, he thought there was more beauty in a hairy leg, and in a manly shammy-leather looking skin, than in any covering. While his bald knee, the ugliest, weakest, most com- plicated and important joint in the frame, he no doubt regarded with as much veneration as the pious do the shaven crown of a monk. He therefore very complacently and coolly began to dis- encumber himself of this detestable article of the tailor's skill. I thought it best therefore to push off in time, to spare his daughters this spectacle, merely telling the doctor we would wait for him where we had embarked. "We proceeded very leisurely, only once in a while dipping the paddle gently into the water, so as to keep up the motion of the canoe. The girls amused themselves by imitating the caU and answer of the loon, the blue-jay, the kingfisher, and the owl. "With a piece of bark, rolled up in the form of a short-ear trum- pet, they mimicked the hideous voice of the moose, and the not less disagreeable lowing of the cariboo. The martin started in surprise at his affrighted neighbour on the water, and the fox no doubt crept from his hole to listen to the voice that called him to plunder, at this dangerous hour. All these sounds are signals among the Indians, and are carried to a perfection that deceives the ear of nature itself. I had read of their great power in this species of ventriloquism, but never had heard it practised before, with the exception of the imitation of the deer tribe, which is weU-known to white " still-hunters." They are, in their own country, not very communicative to strangers ; and above all, never disclose practices so peculiarly reserved for their own service or defence. I was amazed at their skill in this branch of Indian accomplishment. But the notes of the dear little chick-a-dee-dee charmed me the most. The stillness of this wild, sequestered place was most agreeably diversified by all these fictitious birds and beasts, that seemed inviting, each his own kind, to come and look at this lovely scene. From the wonderful control they appeared to havo 142 A DAY ON THE LAKE, '^ over their voices, I knew that one or both of them must sing. I therefore asked them if they knew the Caiiadian-boat song ; and they answered, with great delight, thn ' they did. And suit- ing the action to the word, which, by the by, aads marvellously to its effect, they sung it charmingly. I couldn't resist their entreaties to join in it, although I would infinitely have prefer- red listening to taking a part. "When we concluded it, Jessie said it was much prettier in her native tongue, and sung a verse in her own language. She said the governor of the fort, who spoke Indian as well as English, had arranged the words for it, and when she was a child in his family, she learned it. " Listen," said she, *' what is that ? " It was Jackson playing on the key-bugle. Oh, how gloriously it sounded, as its notes fell on the ear, mellowed and softened by the distance. When Englishmen talk of the hunters' horn in the morning, they don't know what they are a saying of. It's well enough I do suppose in the field, as it wakes the drowsy sportsman, and reminds him that there is a hard day's ride be- fore him. But the lake and the forest is nature's amphitheatre, and it is at home there. It won't speak as it can do at all times and in all places ; but it gives its whole soul out in the woods ; and the echoes love it, and the mountains wave their plumes of pines to it, as if they wanted to be wooed by its clear, i?weet, powerful notes.* All nature listens to it, and keeps silence, while it lifts its voice on high. The breeze wafts its music on its wings, as if proud of its trust ; and the lake lies still, and pants like a thing of life, as if its heart beat to its tones. The birds are all hushed, as if afraid to disturb it; and the deer pause, and listen, and gaze on the skies, as if the music came from heaven. Money only can move some men^ and a white heat alone dissolve stones. But he who has ever heard the bugle, and is not inspired by it, has no divinity within him. The body is there, but the soul is wanting. " Go on, Jackson, I vdll forgive your twaddle about sargeant M'Clure, the stroke of the sun, the trooper's helmet, and the night among the wolves. I will listen to your old soldier's sto- ries all night, only go on and play for me. Give me that simple air again. Let me drink it in with my ears, tiU my heart is fuU. * This inflated passage, and some other similar ones, are extremely cha- racteristic of Americans in the same station of life as Slick. From the use of superlative expressions in their conversation, they naturally adopt an exagger- ative style in writing, and the minor poets and provincial orators of the Ke- Eublic are distinguished for this hyperbolical tone. In Great Britain they would e admired by the Irish ; on the Continent, by the Gascons. If Mr Slick were not aflfectpd by this weakness himself, he womd be among the first to detect and ridicule it in others. -'/»/ A DAY OX THE LAKE. 143 No p^race notes, no tricks of the band-master's, no flourishes ; let it be simple and natural. Let it suit us, and the place wo are in, for it is the voice of our common parent, nature." Ah, he didn't hear me, and he ceased. "Jessie, dear, ain't that beautif d?" said I. " Oh," she said (and she clasped her hands hard), " it is like the sound of a spirit speaking from above." *' Imitate it," said I. She knew the air, it was a Scotch one ; and their music is the most touching, because the most simple, I know. Squire, you will think I am getting spooney, but I ain't. You know how fond I am of nature, and always was ; but I suppose you will think if I ain't talking Turkey, that I am get- ting crankey, when I tell you an idf^"" that came into my mind just then. She imitated it in the most perfect manner possible. Her clear, sweet, mellow, but powerful notes, never charmed me so before. I thought it sounded like a maiden, answering her lover. One was a masculine, the other a female voice. The only difference was in the force, but softness was common to both. Can I ever forget the enchantment of that day ? " Dear Jessie," said I, " you and your friend are just formed for each other. How happy you couM make him." " Who ? " said she, and there was no affectation in the ques- tion. She knew not the import of that word. " What do you mean ? " " Hush," said I, "I will tell you by and by. Old Tom is playing again." It was " Auld lang syne." How touching it was ! It brought tears to Jessie's eyes. She had l^amed it, when a child, far, far away ; and it recalled her tribe, her childhood, her country, and her mother. I could see these thoughts throw their sha- dows over hor face, as light clouds chase each other before the sun, and throw their veil, as they course along the sky, over the glowing landscape. It made me feel sad, too ; for how many of them with whom my early years were spent have passed away. Of aU the fruit borne by the tree of life, how small a portion drops from it when fuUy ripe, and in the due course of nature. The worm, and premature decay, are continually thinning them ; and the tempest and the blight destroy the greater part of those that are left. Poor dear worthy old Minister, you too are gone, but not forgotten. How could I have had these thoughts? How could I have enjoyed these scenes ? and how described them ? but for you ! Innocent, pure, and simple-minded man, how fond you were of nature, the handy-work of God, as you used to call it. How full you were of poetry, beauty, and sub- ^i^$k^^i£^^. lU A DAY ON THE LAKE. li;nify! And what do I nof .ve to you? I nm not ashamed of havinj? been a Clockinaker, I am proud of it.* l^ut I Hhould indeed have been ashamed, with your instruction, always to have remained one. Yes, yes ! " Why should auld anquaintnnce bo forgot, And never brought to mind.*" AVhy ? indeed. " Tam it," said Peter, for we were so absorbed in listening to the music, we did not hear the approach of the boat, " ta ting ia very coot, but it don't stir up te blood, and make you feel like a maj, as ta pipes do ! Did she ever hear barris an tailler ? Fan she has done with her brass cow-horn, she will give it to you. It can wake the tead, that air. When she was a piper poy to the fort. Captain Fraisher was killed by the fall of a tree, knocked as stitV as a gunparrel, and as silent too. We laid her out on the counter in one of the stores, and pefore we put her into the coffin the governor said : * Peter,' said he, ' she was al- ways fond of hams an tailler, play it before w^e nau her up, come, seid suas (strike up).' " Well, she gets the pipes and plays it hern ainsel, and the governor forgot his tears, and seized McPhee by the hanr* and they danced ; they couldn't help it when that air was ph yed, and what do you think ? It prought Captain Fraisher to life. First she opened her eyes, and ten her mouth again wimst more. She did, upon my shoul, " Says she, ' Peter, play it faster, will you ? More faster yet, you blackguard.' And she tropt the pipes and ran away, and it was the first and last time Peter McDonald ever turned his pack on a friend. The doctor said it was a trance, but he was a sas- sanach and knew nothing about music ; but it was the pipes prought the tead to. This is the air," and he played it with such vigour he nearly grew black in the face. "I believe it," sais I; "it has brought me to also, it has made me a new man, and brought me back to life again. Let us land the moose." " Ted," said Peter, " she is worth two ted men yet. There is only two teaths. Ted as te tevil, and ted drunk, and she ain't neither ; and if she were poth she would wake her up with tat tune, barris an tailler, as she tid Captain Fraisher, tat she wm." " Now," said I, " let us land the moose." ♦ This is the passage to which Mr Slick referred in the conversation I had with him, related in Chapter I., entitled, "A Surprise." by I ! i A DAY ON THE LAKE. U5 CHAPTER XI. A DAT ON THE LAKE. — PABT II. 1 she Peteh's horrid pipes knocked all the romance out of me. It took all the talk ot dear old Minister (whose conversation was often like poetiy without rhyme), till I was of age, to in- stil it into me. If it hadn't been for him I should have been a mere practical man, exactly like our Connecticut folks, who have as much sentiment in them in a general way as an onion has of otter of roses. It's lucky when it don't predominate though, for when it does, it spoils the relish for the real business of life. Mother, when I was a boy, used to coax me up so everlast- ingly with loaf-cake, I declare I got such a sweet tooth, I could hardly eat plain bread made of flour and com meal, alihough it was the wholesomest of the two. When I used to tell Minister this sometimes, as he was flying off" the handle, like when we travelled through New York State to Niagara, at the scenery oi the Hudson, or Lake George, or that everlastin' water-fall, he'd say — " Sam, you are as correct as a problem in Euclid, but as cold and dry. Business and romance are like oil and water that I use for a night-lamp, with a little cork dipsey. They oughtn't to be mixed, but each to be separate, or they spoil each other. The tumbler should be nearly full of water, then pour a little oil on the top, and put in your tiny wick and floater, and ignite it. The water goes to the bottom — that's business you see, solid and heavy. The oil and its burner lies on the top — and that's romance. It's a living flame, not enough to illuminate the room, but to cheer you through the night, and if you want more, it will light stronger ones for you. People have a wTong idea of romance, Sam. Properly understood, it's a right keen, lively appreciation of the works of nature, and its beauty, won- ders, and sublimity. From thence we learn to fear, to serve, and to adore Him that mnde them and us. Now, Sam, you un- derstand all the wheels, and pullies, and balances of your wooden clocks ; but you don't think anything more of them, than it's a grand speculation for you, because they cost you a mere nothing, seeing they are made out of that which is as cheap as dirt here, and because you make a great profit out of them among the be- nighted colonists, who know little themselves, and are governed by English officials who know still less. Well, that's natural, ^1 146 A DAY ON THE IJIKE. i H for it is a buRincos view of things,* Now Bposen you lived in the Far West \t vour eves c-n ono of them that was as true as the sun, wouldn't you break out into enthusiasm about it, and then extol to the skies the skill and knowledge of the Yankee man that invented aid made it ? To be siire you would. Wouldn't it carry you oft' into contem- platin' ot the j)lanet whose daily course and speed it measures 80 exact ? Wouldn't you go on from that point, and ask your- self what must be the wisdom and power of Him who made in- nup.erable worlds, and caused them to form part of a great, grand, magniilcent, and harmonious system, and ny off the handle, as you call it, in admiration and awe? To be sure you would. And if anybody said you was full of romance who neard you, wouldn't you have pitied his ignorance, and said there are other enjoyments we are capable of besides corporeal ones ? Wouldn't you be a wiser and a better man ? Don't you go now for to run down romance, Sam; if y i ; do, I shall think you don't know there is a divinity within you," and so he would preach on for an hour, till I thought it was time for him to say Amen and give the dismissal benedici/ion. Well, that's the way I came by it, I was inoculated for it. but I was always a hard subject to inoculate. Vaccination was tried on me over and over again by the doctor before I took it, but at last it came and got into the system. So it was with him and his romance, it was only the continual dropping that wore the stone at last, for I didn't listen as I had ought to have done. If he had a showed me where I could have made a dollar, he would have found me wide awake, I know, for I set out in life with a determination to go ahead, and I have ; and now I am well to do, but still I wish I had a minded more what he did say, for, poor old soul, he is dead now. An opportunity lost, i& like missing a passage^ another chance may never offer to make the voyage worth while. Thejirst wind may carry you to the end. A good start often wins the race. To miss your chance of a shotj is io lose the bird. How true these " saws " of his are ; but I don't recollect half of them, I am ashamed to say. Tes, it took me a long time to get romance in my sails, and reter shook it out of them by one shiver in the wind. So we went to work. The moose was left on the shore, for the doctor said he had another destination for him than the water-fall. Betty, Jackson, and PetiT, were embarked with their baskets and utensils in the boats, and directed to prepare our dinner. * It is manifest Mr Hopewell must have had Palcy 's illustration in his mind. A DAY ON THE lAKH, 117 I mind. As soon as thev wpro fairly off, we strolled ItMsiin^ly back to the house, whioh 1 had hardly time to examine before. It was an irregular building made of hewn logs, and appeared to have been enlarged, from time to time, as more acconuni dation had been required. There was neither uniformity nor design in it, and it might rather be called a small cluster of little tenements than a house. Two of these structures alone seemed to corre- spond in appearance and size. They protruded in front, from each end ot the main building, forming with it three sides of a Bquare. One of these was appropriated to the purposes of a museum, and the other used as a workshop. The former con- tained an exceedingly interesting collection. " This room," he said, " I cannot intrust to Jackson, who ■would soon throw everything into confusion by grouping instead of classifying things. This country is full of most valuable minerals, and the people know as much about them as a pud- ding does of the plums contained in it. Observe this shelf, Sir, there are specimens of seven different kinds of copper on it ; and on this one, fragments of four kinds of lead. In the argen- tiferous galena is a very considerable proportion of silver. Here is a piece of a mineral called molybdena of singular beauty, I found it at Gaberous Bay, in Cape Breton. The iron ores you see are of great variety. The coal-fields of this colony are im- mense in extent, and incalculable in value. All this case is filled with their several varieties. These precious stones are from the Bay of Fundy. Among them are amethyst, and other varieties of crystal, 0/ quartz, henlandite, stibite, analcine, chabasie, al- bite, nesotype, silicious sinter, and so on. Pray do me the favour to accept this amethyst. I have several others of equal size and beauty, and it is of" no use to me." He also presented Cutler with a splendid piece of nesotype or needle stone, which he begged him to keep as a memento of the " Bachelor Beaver's-dam." " Three things, Mr Slick," he continued, " are necessary to the development of the mineral wealth of this province— skill, capital, and population ; and depend upon it the day is not far distant, when this magnificent colony will support the largest population, for its area, in America." I am not a mineralogist myself. Squire, and much of what he said was heathen Greek to me, but some general things I could understand, and remember such as that there are (to say nothing of smaller ones) four immense independent coal-fields in the eastern section of Nova Scotia ; namely, at Picton, Pom- quet, Cumberland, and Londonderry ; tbe first of which covers an area of one hundred square miles : and that there are also at ]iS A DAY ON THE LAKK. Cn|)«' Hri'ton two otlicrenonnouH fu'UlHof the nnnw luiiicral. one covrriii^ one tiuiidnMl and twenty B(|uare niilcM, and |)n>Hi'ntin^ at I^in^an a vein eleven feet tliiek. Such I'aetH 1 eould coinpre- liend, and I waw Horry when 1 heard thu bugle anuouneing that the boat had returned for us. " Jessie," said the doctor, "here is a little case containing a curiously fashioned and exquisitely worked ring, and u large gold cross and chain, that 1 found while searching among the ruins of the nunnerv at Louisburg. 1 have no doubt they be- longed to the BUju'rior of the convent. These baubles answered her purpose by withdi awing the eyes of the profane from her care-worn and cold features; they will serve nune also, by show- ing how little you reciuire the aid of art to adorn a person na- ture has made so lovely." " Hallo ! " sais I to myself, " well done. Doctor, if I'lat don't beat cock-fighting, then there ain't no snakes in Varginny, I vow. Oh ! you ain't so soft as you look to be after all ; you may be a cluld of nature, but that has its own secrets, and if you hain't found out its mysteries, it's a pity." "They have neither sutfered," he continued, " from the cor- rosion of time nor the asceticism of a devotee, who vainly thought she was serving God by voluntarily withdrawing from a world into which he himself had sent her, and by foregoing duties which he had expressly ordained she should fulfil. Don't start at the sight of the cross ; it is the emblem of Christianity, and not of a sect, who claim it exclusively, as if He who suflfered on it died for them only. This one has hitherto been used in the negation of all human affections, may it shed a blessing on the exercise of yours." I could hardly believe my ears ; I didn't expect this of him. I knew he was romantic, and all that; but I did not think there was such a depth and strength of feeling in him. " I wish," I said, " Jehu Judd could a heard you. Doctor, he would have seen the difference between the clear grit of the genuine thing and a counterfeit, that might have made him open his eyes and wink." " Oh ! Slick," said he, " come row, that's a good fellow, don't make me laugh, or I shall upset these glass cases ; " and before Jessie could either accept or decline this act of gallantry, he managed to lead the way to the la.ce. The girls and I embarked in the canoe, and the rest of the party in the boat, but before I stepped into the bark, I hid the pipes of Peter behind the body of the moose, very much to the amusement of Jessie and the doctor, who both seemed to agree \v4th me in giving a prefer- ence to the bugle. A DAY ON THE LAKK. no don't )efore y, he arked fore I body d the refer- \\ I never saw so lovely n spot in this eountr}' ns the one we Imd ehoHcn lor our repant, hut it wns not my intention to iiuul until the pn^parutiouM for our meal were all fully completed ; ho 08 Hoonns Jane leaped aHhon\ I took her place and asked JcMMie to take another look at the lake with me. Desiring Jackson to recall us with his bugle when recjuired, wo coasted up the west Hide of the lake for about half a mile, to a place where I had observed two enormous birches bend over the water, into which they were ultimately doomed to fall, aa the current had washed away the land where they stood, so as to leave them only a t«Mn- porary restinj^-place. Into this arched and quiet retreat we nnj)clled our canoe, and paused for awhile to enjoy its cool and relreshing shade. " Jessie," said I, " this time to-morrow I shall be on the sea again. " So soon ? " she replied. " Yes, dear ; business calls us away, and life is not all like a day on the lake." " No, no," she said, " not to me ; it is the only really happy one I have spent since I left my country. You have all been so kind to me ; you, the captain, and the doctor, all of you, you have made no difterence, you have treated me as if I was one of you, as if I was bom a lady." " Hasn't the doctor always been kind to you ? " I said. " Oh, yes," she replied, " always very kind, but there is no- body here like him." " He loves you very much." "Yes," she said, m the most unembarrassed and natural manner possible, " he told me so himself." " And can't you return his love ? " " I do love him as I do my father, brother, or sister." " Couldn't you add the word husband ? " " Never, never," she said, " Mr Slick. He thinks he loves me now, but he may not think so always. He don't see the red blood now, he don't think of my Indian mother ; when he comes nearer perhaps he will see plainer. No, no, half-cast and out- cast, I belong to no race. Shall I go back to my tribe and give up my father and his people ? they will not receive me, and I must fall asleep with my mother. Shall I stay here and cling to him and his race, that race that scorns the half-savage? never ! never ! when he dies I shall die too. I shall have no home then but the home of the spirits of the dead." "Don't talk that way, Jessie," I said, "you make yourself wretched, because you don't see things as they are. It's your own fault if you are not happy. You say \ ou have enjoyed this day." 150 A DAY ON THE LAKE. " Oh, yes," she said, " no day like this ; it never came before, it don't return again. It dies to-night, but will never be for- gotten." " Why not live where you are ? Why not have your home here by this lake, and this mountain ? His tastes are like yours, and yours like his ; you can live two lives here, — the forest of the red man around you — the roof of the white one above you. To unite both is true enjoyment ; there is no eye to stare here, no pride to exclude, no tongue to offend. You need not seek the society of others, let them solicit yours, and the doctor will make them respect it." It was a subject on which her mind appeared to have been made up. She seemed like a woman that has lost a child, who hears your ad^'^ce, and feels there is some truth in it, but the consolation reaches not her heart. "It can't be," she said, with a melancholy smile, as if she was resigning something that was dear to her, " God or nature forbids it. If there is one God for both Indian and white man, he forbids it. If there are two great spirits, one for each, as my mother told me, then both forbid it. The great spirit of the pale faces," she continued, " is a wicked one, and the white man is wicked. Wherever he goes, he brings death and destruc- tion. The woods recede before him — the wild fowl leave the shores — the fish desert their streams — the red man disappears. He calls his deer and his beaver, and his game (for they are all his, and were given to him for food and for clothing), and travels far, far away, and leaves the graves and the bones of his people behind him. But the white man pursues him, day and night, with his gun, and his axe, and fire-water ; i ad what he spares with the rifle, rum, despair, and starvation destroy. See," she said, and she plucked a withered red cone from a ^humack that wept over the water, "see that is dyed with the blood of the red man." " That is prejudice," T said. " No, it is the truth," Ae replied. " I know it. My peo- ple have removed twice, if not three times, and the next move will be to the sea or the grave." " It is the effect of civilization, and arts, and the power of sciences and learning, over untutored nature," I said. " If learning makes men wicked, it is a bad thing," she 0^5- served ; " for the devil instructs men how to destroy. But rum ain't learning, it is poison ; nor is sin civilization, nor are dis- eases blessings, nor madness reason." "That don't alter things," I said, "if it is aU true that you say, and there is too much reality in it, I fear ; but the pale A DAY ON THE LAKE. 151 ; you pale faces are not all bad, nor the red all good. It don't apply to vour ease." "No," she said, "nature forbids the two races to mingle, rhat that is wild, continues wild ; and the tame remains tame. The dog watches his sleeping master ; and the wolf devours him. The wild-duck scorns confinement ; and the partridge dies if compelled to dwell with domestic fowls. Look at those birds," she said, as she threw a chip among a flock of geese that were floating down the lake, " if the beautiful Indian wild bird con- sorts with one of them, the progeny die out. They are mon- grels, they have not the grace, the shape, or the courage of either. Their doom is fixed. They soon disappear from the face of the earth and the waters. They are despised by both breeds ;" and she shook her head, as if she scorned and loathed herself, and burst into a passionate flood of tears. " Jessie," said I, and I paused a moment, for I wanted to give her a homoeopathic dose of common sense — and those little wee doses work like charms, that's a fact. " Jessie," says I, and I smiled, for I wanted her to shake off those voluntary tram- mels. " Jessie, the doctor ain't quite quite tame, and you ain't quite wild. You are both six of one, and half-a-dozen of the other, and just about as like as two peas." Well it's astonishing what that little sentence did. An ounce of essence is worth a gallon of fluid. A vjise saw is more valuable than a whole hook, and a plain truth is better than an argument. She had no answer for that. She had been reason- ing, without knowing it, as if in fact she had been in reality an Indian. She had imbibed in childhood the feelings of her mother, who had taken the first step and repented it — of one who had deserted, but had not been adopted — who became an exile and remained an alien — who had bartered her birthright for degrad- ation and death. It is natural that regret for the past and despair for the future should have been the burden of the mourn- ful dittipf of such a woman ; that she who had mated without love, and lived without affection, the slave, the drudge, but not the wife or companion of her master, should die with impreca- tions on her lips for a race who were the natural foes of her people, and who had reduced her to be an object of scorn and contempt to both. It is no wonder therefore poor Jessie had a repugnance to the union, when she remembered her mother, and the sad lesson her unhappy life and fearful death contained. It was a feeling difficult to overcome. " Jessie," sais I, " nature, instead of forbiddin' it, approves of it ; for like takes to like. I don't say it to please you, but you are as good as he is, or any white man in the world. Your 152 A DAY ON THE LAKE. ill i; I i forefatlicrs on your mother's side are a brave, manly, intelligent race ; tliey are free men, and have never been subdued or en- slaved by any one : and if they have degenerated at all, it is becaiiae they have contraeted, as you say, vices from the white man. You have reason to be proud of being descended from a race of warriors. On the other hand, your father is a Highlander, and they too have always been free, because they were brave ; they are the noblest fellows in Europe. As for the English, there are none now, except in "Wales, and they are called Taf- fies — which means lunatics, for they are awful proud, and their mountains are so high, every fellow says his ancestors were de- scended from the man in the moon. But the present race are a mixture of Taffies, French, Danes, Saxons, Scotch, and the Lord knows w ho all, and to my mind are all the better of it." " But the colour," said she. " As to colour !" said I, " nations differ in every shade, from black up to chalk white. The Portuguese, Italians, and Turks are darker than the Indian if anything ; Spaniards and Greeks about the same." " And do they intermarry ? " " I guess they do," said I ; " the difference of language only stops them, — for it's hard to make love when you can't under- stand each other, — but colour never." " Is that now really true ? " she said ; " for I am ignorant of the world." " True as preachin','' said I, " and as plain as poverty." She paused awhile, and said slowly : " "Well, I suppose if all the world says and does differently, I must be wrong, for I am unacquainted with everything but my own feelings ; and my mother taught me this, and bade me never to trust a white man. I am glad I was wrong, for if I feel I am right, I am sure I shall be happy." " Well," sais I, " I am sure you will be so, and this is just the place, above all others in the world, that will suit you, and make you so. Now," sais I, " Jessie, I will tell you a story ;" and I told her the whole tale of Pocahontas ; how s!ie saved Captain Smith's life in the early settlement of Virginia, and afterwards married Mr Eolfe, and visited the court of England, where all the nobles sought her society. And then I gave her all the particulars of her life, illness, and death, and informed her that her son, who stood in the same relationship to the whites as she did, became a wealthy planter in Virginia, and that one of his de- scendants, lately det-eased, was one of the most eloquent as well as one of the most distinguished men in the United States. It interested her uncommonly, and I have no doubt greatly contri- i i : A DAY ON THE LAKE. 153 m '.' bated to confirm her in the decision she had come to. I will not trouble you, Squire, with the story, for it is so romantic, I believe every Dody has heard of it. I promised to give her a book containing all the details. The bugle now sounded our recall, and in a few minutes wo were seated on the grass, and enjoying our meal witli an appe- tite that exercise, excitement, and forest air never fail to give. Songs, trout-fishing, and stories agreeably occupied the after- noon ; and when tlie sun began to cast long shadows from the mountain, we reembarked with our traps, and landed at the cove near the clump of trees where we started in the morning. While preparations were making for tea in the house, I lit my cigar to take a stroll with Cutler, and talk over our arrange- ments for an early start in the morrow, and proceeding imme- diately to sea. In the mean time, I briefly stated to the doctor that he would now find no further obstacle to his wishes, and counselled him to lose no time, while the impression was favour- able, to bring his long-pending negotiation to a conclusion. " Slick," said he, laughing, "your government ought to have prevailed upon you to remain in the diplomatic service. You are sucli a capital negotiator." " Well," said I, " I believe I would have succeeded in that line ; but do you know how ? " " By a plentiful use of soft sawder," said he. " No, Doctor, I knew you would say that ; and it ain't to be despised neither, I can tell you. No, it's because you go cooUy to work, for you are negotiatin' for another. If you don't suc- ceed, it's the fault of the mission, of course, and defeat won't break your heart ; if you do carry your point, why, in the natur of things, it is all your own skill. I have done famously for you ; but I made a bungling piece of business for myself, I assure you. What my brother, the lawyer, used to say is very true : ' A man who pleads his own cause has a fool for his client.' You can't praise yourself unless it's a bit of brag, and that I can do as well as any one, I do suppose ; but you can't lay the whitewash on handily no more than you can brush the back of your own coat when it is on. Cutler and I will take a stroll, and do you invite Jessie out, to see the moon on the lake." In about an hour, Peter, who had found his pipes to his in- finite delight, intimated supper was ready ; and tlie dispersed groups returned, and sat dcivn to a meal w'hich, in addition to the tea and coffee and its usual accompaniments at count, y-houses, had some substantial viands for those, like myself, who had done more talking than eating at dinner. In a short time, the girls re- tired for the night, and we arranged for a peep of day return. 154 A DAY ON THE LAKE. " Mr Slick," said the doctor, " I have ordered the boy to take the moose down to the village as my share of the sea-stores. Will you give me leave to go a part of the cruise with you ? " " With great pleasure," said I ; " it's just what I was going to ask the favour of you to do. It's the very identical thing." " Come, Peter," said he, " I will show you where to turn in ;'* and returning, in a few minutes, with Jackson, desired him to attend the captain. When we were alone, he said : " Come this way, Mr Slick. Put your hat on — I want you to take a turn with me." And leading me down to the verge of the woods, where I saw a light, we entered a large bark wigwam, where he said he often slept during the hot weather. It was not made in the usual conical form, but resembled a square tent, which among Indians generally indicates there is a large family, and that they propose to occupy the same spot for some time. In fact, it was half wigwam, half summer-house, resem- bling the former in appearance, construction, and material ; but was floored on account of the damp ground, and contained a small table, two chairs, and a couple of rustic seats large enough to sleep upon, which, on the present occasion, had hunters' beds on them. The tent, or more properly camp, as it is generally called here, was so contrived as to admit of the door being shifted according to the wind. On the present occasion, the opening was towards the lake, on which the moon jvas casting its silver light. Here we sat till a late hour, discoursing, over our cigars, on a variety of subjects, the first and last of which topic was Jessie, •whc had, it appeared, at last accepted the Bacnelor Beaver. Altogether, it was a charming visit ; and left a most agreeable recollection of the enjo3rment that is to be found in " a day and a night in the woods. ^* CHAPTEE XII. THE BETEOTHAL. Early the following morning, just as the first dawn of day was streaking the eastern sky, Jackson's bugle sounded the re- veiUe, and we were all soon on foot and in motion. The moose THE IJ^TROTnAL. 155 ' day was lifted into the cart, and the boy despatched with it to the harbour, so as to have it in readiness for putting on boird as soon as we should arrive, and a cup of coffee was prepared for us by Betty, as she said, to keep the cold out of our stomach while travelling. The doctor had some few arrangements to make for his voyage, and Cutler and I set out in advance, on foot. It was agreed that Ovey, Peter, and his daughters, should follow, as soon as possible, in the waggons, and breakfast with us on board of the Black Hf wk. " Mr Jackson," said I, as I saw him standing at the door. " Yes, Sir," and he was at my side in a minute, and honoured me with one of his most gracious smiles, and respectful military salutes. There is great magic in that word " Mr," wh^n used to men of low degree, and in " Squire" for those just a notch higher. Servitude, at best, is but a hard lot. To surrender your will to another, to come and go at his bidding, and to answer a bell as a dog does a whistle, ain't just the lot one would choose, if a better one offered. A master may forget this, a servant never does. The great art, as well as one of the great Christian duties, there- fore, is not to make him feel it. Bidding is one thing, and com- manding is another. If you put him on good terms with himself, he is on good terms with you, and affection is a stronger tie than duty. The vanity of mankind is such, that you always have the ingratitude of helps dinned into your ears, from one year's end to another, and yet these folk never heard of the ingratitude of em- ployers, and wouldn't believe there was such a thing in the world, if you were to tell them. Ungrateful, eh ! "Why, didn't I pay him his wages ? wasn't he well boarded ? and didn't I now and then let him go to a frolic ? Yes, he wouldn't have worked without pay. He couldn't have lived if he hadn't been fed, and he wouldn't have stayed if you hadn't given him recreation now and then. It's a poor heart that don't rejoice sometimes. So much thanks he owes you.^ Do you pray that it may always rain at night or on Sundays ? Do you think the Lord is the Lord of masters only ? But he has been faithful as well as diligent, and careful jis well as laborious, he has saved you more than his wages came to — are there no thanks for this r Pooh ! you remind me of my poor old mother. Father used to say she was the most unrea- sonable woman in the world — for when she hired a gall she expected perfection, for two dollars and a half a month. Mr Jackson! didn't that make him feel good all over? "Why shouldn't he be called Mr, as well as that selfish conceited M'Clure, Captain ? Yes, there is a great charm in that are word, " ]VIr." It was a wrinkle I picked up by accident, very ear^y in 15G THE BETROTH^O.. i i, ' 1 I I life. We liad to our farm to Sliokville, an Irish servant, called Paddy ^Mona^luin — as hard- working' a critter as ever T see, but none of the boys could j^et him to do a bleased thing for them. He'd do his plowin' or reapin', or whatever it was, but the deuce a bit would he leave it to oblige Sally or the boys, or any one else, but father ; he had to mind him, in course, or put his three great coats on, the way he came, one atop of the other, to cover the holes of the inne^' ones, and walk. But, as for me, he'd do anythin' I wanted. He'd drop his spade, and help me catch a horse, or he'd do my chores for me, and let me ro and attend my mink and musquash traps, or he'd throw down his hoe and go and fetch the cows from pasture, that I might slick up for a party — in short, he'd do anything in the world for me. " Well, they all wondered how under the sun Paddy had taken 8uch a shindy to me, when nobody else could get him to budge an inch for them. At last, one day, mother asked me how on airth it was — for nothin' strange goes on long, but a woman likes to get at the bottom of it. " Well," sais I, " mother, if you won't whisper a syllable to anybody about it, I'll tell you." " Who, me," sais she, " Sammy ? " She always called me Sammy when she wanted to come over me. " Me tell ? A per- son who can keep her own secrets can keep yours, Sammy. There are some things I never told your father." " Such as what?" sais I. " A-hem," said she. " A-hem — such as he oughtn't to know, dear. Why, Sam, I am as secret as the grave ! How is it, dear ? " " Well," sais I, " I wall tell you. This is the way : 1 drop Pat and Paddy altogether, and I caU him IVIr Monaghan, and never say a word about the priest." " AVhy, Sammy," said she, " where in the world did you pick up all your cuteness ? I do declare you are as sharp as a needle. Well, I never. How you do take after me ! hoys are mothers* sons. Ws only galls who take after their father.^* It's cheap coin, is civility, and kindness is a nice bank to fund it in. Squire : for it comes back with compound interest. He used to call Josiah, Jo, and brother Eldad, Dad, and then yoke 'em both together, as " spalpeens," or " rapscallions," and he'd vex them by calling mother, when he spoke to them of h»^r, the " ould woman," and Sally, " that young cratur, Sal." But he'd show the difference when he mentioned me ; it was always " the young master," and when I was with him, it was " your Honour." Lord, I shall never forget wunst, when I w^as a practisin' of ball-shooting at a target, Pat brought out one of my muskits, and sais he : " Would your Honour just let me take a crack at THE BLTROTIIAL. 1C7 to to est. hen and le'd I the it. You onlv make a little round hole in it, ahout the size of a t1 v'h eye ; but, by the piper that played before Moses, I'll knock it all to smithereens." " Yes," sais I, " Mr Monaghan ; fire and welcome." AVell, up he comes to the toe-line, and puts himself into attitude, scientific like. First he throws his left leg out, and then braces back the right one well behind hirn, and then he shuts his left eye to, and makes ar ^wful wry face, as if he was deter- mined to keep every bit of light out of it, and then he brought his gun up to the shoulder with a duce of a flourish, and took a long, 8t(\ady aim. All at once he lowered the piece. " I think I'll do it better knalin', your Honour," said he, " the way I did when I fired at Lord Blarney's land-agent, from behind the hedge, for lettin' a farm to a Belfast heretic. Oh ! didn't I riddle him, your Honour." He paused a moment, his tongue had run away with him. " His coat, I main," said he. " I cut the skirts off' as uait as a tailor could. It scared him entirely, so, when he see the feathers flyin' that way, he took to flight, and I never sot eyes on him no more. I shouldn't won- der if he is runnin' yet." So he put down one knee on the ground, and adjusting him- self said, " I won't leave so much as a hair of that target, to tell where it stood." He took a fresh aim, and fired, and away he A\ ent, heels over head, the matter of three or four times, and the gun flew away behind him, ever so far. " Oh ! " sais he, " I am kilt entirely. I am a dead man, Master Sam. By the holy poker, but my arm is broke." " I am afraid my gun is broke," said I, and off I set in search of it. " Stop, yer Honour," said he, " for the love of Heaven, stop, or she'll be the death of you." "What?" sais I. " There are five more shots in her yet. Sir. I put in six cartridges, so as to make sure of that paper kite, and only one of them is gone off* yet. Oh ! my shoulder is out, Master Sam. Don't say a word of it. Sir, to the ould cratur, and — " "To who?" said I. " To her ladyship, the mistress," said he, " and I'll sarve you by day and by night.'* Poor Pat ! you were a good-hearted creature naturally, as most of your countrymen are, if repealers, patriots, and dema- gogues of all sorts and sizes, would only let you alone. Yea, there is a great charm in that word " Mr." So, sais I, "Mr Jackson!" ^' Yes, Sir," said he. " Let me look at your bugle.'* 158 THE BETBOTHAL. ' i ' i ! i il: r ! I " Here it is, your Honour." " "What a curious lookiu' thing it is," sais I, " and what's all them little button-like things on it with long shanks?" " Keys, Sir," said he. " Exactly," sais I, " they unlock the music, I suppose, don't they, and let it out ? Let me see if I could blow it." " Try the i)ipes, Mr Slick," said Peter. " Tat is nothin' but a prass cow-horn as compared to the pagpipes." " No, thank you," sais I, *' it's only a Highlander can make music out of that." " She never said a wiser w ::d t' : ;at," he replied, much gratified. " Now," sais I, " let me blow thi*^, d <{• - it take much wind r " "No," said Jackson, "not muc ,, ^ry i- ^ir." Well, I put it to my lips, and played a v ell-known air on it. " It's not hard to play, after all, is it, Jackson ? " "No, Sir," said he, looking delighted, "nothing is ard to a man as knows how,, as you do." "Tom," sais Betty, "don't that do'ee good? Oh, Sir, I ain't card that since I left the hold country, it's what the guards has used to be played in the mail-coaches has was. Oh, tSir, when they comed to the tovNTi, it used to sound pretty ; many's the time I have run to the window to listen to it. Oh, the coaches was a pretty sight. Sir. But them times is all gone," and she wiped a tear from her eye with the comer of her apron, a tear that the recollection of early days had called up from the fountain of her heart. Oh, what a volume does one stray thought of' the past con- tain within itself. It is like a rocket thrown up in the night. It suddenly expands into a brilliant light, and sheds a thousand eparkling meteors, that scatter in all directions, as if inviting attention each to its own train. Yes, that one thought is the centre of many, and awakens them all to painful sensibility Perhaps it is more like a vivid flash of lightning, is discloses with intense brightness the whole landscape, and exhibits, in their minutest form and outline, the very leaves and flowers that lie hid in the darkness of night. " Jessie," said I, "will you imitate it ? " I stopt to gaze on her for a moment — she stood in the doorway — a perfect model for a sculptor. But oh, what chisel could do justice to that face — it was a study for a painter. Her whole soul was filled with those clear beautiful not'^s, that vibrated through the frame, and attuned every nerve, tilt it was in harmony with it. She was so wrapt in admiration, she didn't notice what I observed, for I try in a general way that I THE BETROTHAL. 159 nothing shall escape me ; but as they were behind us all, I just cauf];ht a glimpse of the doctor (as I turned my head suddenly) withdrawing his arm from her waist. She didn't know it, of couise, she was so absorbed in the music. It ain't likely she felt him, and if she had, it ain't probable she would have ob- jected to it. It was natural he snould like to press the heart she had given him ; wasn't it now his ? and wasn't it reason- able he should like to know how it beat ? He was a doctor, and doctors like to feel pulses, it comes sorter habitual to them, they can't help it. They touch your wrist without knowing it, and if it is a woman's, why their hand, like brother Josiah's cases that went on all fours, crawls up on its fingers, till it gets to where the best pulse of all is. Ah, Doctor, there is Highland blood in that heart, and it will beat warmly towards you, I know. I wonder what Peter would have said, if he had seen what I did. But then he didn't know nothin' about pulses. " Jessie," said I, " imitate that for me, dear. It is the last exercise of that extraordinary power I shall ever hear." " Play it again," she said, " that I may catch the air." " Is it possible," said I to myself, " you didn't hear it after all ? It is the first time your little heart was ever pressed be fore, perhaps it beat so loud you couldn't distinguish the bugle notes. "Was it the new emotion or the new music that ab- sorbed you so ? Oh, Jessie, don't ask me again what natur is.' Well, I played it again for her, and instantly she gave the repetition with a clearness, sweetness, and accuracy, that was perfectly amazing. Cutler and I then took leave for the present, and proceeded on our way to the shore. "Ah, Sir!" said Jackson, who accompanied us to the bars, " it's a long while ago since I eard that hair. Wam't them mail- coaches pretty things, Sir ? Hon the hold King's birth-day. Sir, when they aU turned out with new amess and coaches fresh painted, and coachman and guard in new toggery, and four as beautiful bits of blood to each on 'em as was to be found in England, wam't it a sight to behold, Sir ? The world could show nothin' like it, Sir. And to think they are past and gone, it makes one's eart hache. They tells me the coachman now. Sir, has a dirty black face, and rides on a fender before a large grate, and flourishes a red ot poker instead of a whip. The guard, Sir, they tells me, is no — " " Good bye, Mr Jackson ;" and I shook hands with him. "Isn't that too bad, Sir, now?" he said. "Why, here is Betty again. Sir, with that d — d hat, and a lecture about the stroke. Good bye, your Honour," said he. When we came to the bridge where the road curved into tea THE nETROTIIAL. f the woods, T tiimcd mvl took u last look at the place where I had 8j)ent such an a^eenble day. I don't envy vou it, Uuctor. but I wiHh I had such a lovely flace at Slickville as that. What do you think, Sophy, eh ? have an id(?a you and 1 eould be very happy there, don't you? "Oh! Mr Slick," said Jehu Judd, who was the first person I Haw at the door of Peter's hotise, " what an everlastin' long day was yesterday ! I did nothing but renew the poultice, look in the glass, and turn into bed again. It's oft' now, ain't it?" *' Ye«»," sais I, " and we are oft*, too, in no time." " But the trade," said he ; *' let's talk that over." " Haven't time," sais I ; "it must be short meter, as you say when vou are to home to Quaco, practising Sail Mody (as you call it). Mackarel is five dollars a barrel, sains thirty — say yes or no, that's the word." " How can you have the conscience ?" said he. " I never talk of conscience in trade," sais I ; " only of prices. Bargain or no bargain, that's the ticket." "1 can't," he said. " Well, then, there is an end of it," says I. " Good bye, friend Judd." Sais he: "You have a mighty short way with you, my friend" "A short way is better than a long face," said I. " Well," said he, " I can't do without the sains (nets) no how I can fix it, so I suppose I must give the price. But I hope I may be skinned alive if you ain't too keen." " Whoever takes a fancy to skin you, whether dead or alive, will have a tough job of it, I reckon," sais I, " it's as tight as the bark of a tree." " For two pins," said he, " I'd tan your hide for you now." "Ah," said I, "you are usin' your sain before you pay for it. That's not fair." "Why?" said he. " Because," sais I, "you are insaine to talk that way." " Well, well," said he, " you do beat the devil." " Tou can't say that," sais I, " for I hain't laid a hand on you. Come," sals I, " wake snakes, and push off with the Cap- tain, and get the fish on board. Cutler, tell the mate, mackarel is five dollars the barrel, and nets thirty each. We shall join you presently, and so, friend Judd, you had better put the licks in and make haste, or there will be ' more fiddling and dancing and serving the devil this morning.' " He turned round, and gave me a look of intense hatred, and shook his fist at me. I took oflf my hat and made him a low THE BETROTHAL. 101 •el in ka bow, iiud 8ni«l " Tliat's ri^ht, .save your breath to cool your broth, or to ^Toaii with wlu'U you get home, and Imvc a ret'reshiug tiuie with the Coine-outeiij. ' My father was n preacher, A nii^lity holy man ; My mothtT wan a Methodist, iJut I'm u Tunyuu.*" lie became as pale as a mad nigs;er at this. He was quite BpeechU'88 with raj^e, and turning from me, said nothing, and proceeded with the captain to the boat. It was some tinuj be- fore the party returned from the lake, but the two waggons were far apart, and Jessie and tlie doctor came last — was it that the road was bad, and he was a poor driver ? perhaps so. A man who loves the woods don't know or care much about roads. It don't follow because a feller is a good shot, he is a good whip ; or was it they had so much to say, the short distance didn't af- ford time ? Well, I ain't experienced in these matters, though perhaps you are, Squire. Still, though Cupid is represented with bows and arrows (and how many 1 have painted on my clocks, for they always sold the best), I don't think he was ever sketched in an old one-hoss waggon. A canoe would have suited you both better, you would have been more at home there. If I was a gall I would always be courted in one, for you can't romp there, or you would be capsized. It's the safest place I know of. It's very well to be over head and ears in love, but my eyes, to be over head and ears in the water, is no place for lovemak- ing, unless it is for young whales, and even they spout and blow like all wrath when they come up, as if you might have too much of a good thing, don't they ? They both looked happy — Jessie was unsophisticated, and her countenance, when it turned on me, seemed to say, " Mr Slick, I have taken your advice, and I am delighted I did." And the doctor looked happy, but his face seemed to say, " Come now, Slick, no nonsense, please, let me alone, that's a good fellow." Peter perceived something he didn't understand. He had seen a great deal he didn't comprehend since he left the High- lands, and heard a great many things he didn't know the mean- ing of It was enough for him if he could guess it. " Toctor," said he, " how many kind o' partridges are there in this country ? " "Two," said the simple-minded naturalist, "spruce and birch." " AVliich is the prettiest ? " " "The birch." " And the smartest ? " 11 1G2 THE BETROTHAL. 1 "Tho birch." " l*(»th lovu to live in the wood», don't they ?" " Vt'H." " W«'ll there is a (lifFerence in colour. Ta Bpruce is red flesh, and ta l)irch white, did you ever know them mix ? " " Often," said the doctor, who bet;an to understand this al- legorical talit of the North- West trader, and feel uncomfortable, and therefon? didn't like to say no. "Well, then, the sjjruce must stay with the pirch, or the pirch live with the spruce," continued Peter. " The peech wood between the two are dan- gerous to both, for it's only fit for cuckoos." Peter looked chutty and sulky. There was no minister at the remote post ho had belonged to in the nor-west. The go- vernor there read a sermon of a Sunday sometimes, but he oftener wrote letters. The marriages, when contracted, were generally limited to the period of service of the employes^ and sometimes a wife was bought, or at others, entrapped like a beaver. It was a civil or uncivil contract, as the case might be. Wooing was a> thing he didn't understand ; for what right had a woman to an opinion of her own ? Jessie felt for her father, the doctor, and herself, and retired crying. The doctor said : " Peter, you know me, I am an honest man ; give me j our confidence, and then I will ask the Chief for the hand of hia daughter." " Tat is like herself," said Peter. " And she never doubted her ; and there is her hand, which is her word. Tarn the coft'ee ! let us have a glass of whiskey." And he poured out three, and we severally drank to each other's health, and peace was once more restored. Thinks I to myself, now is the time to settle this affair ; for the doctor, Peter, and Jessie are all like children ; it's right to show 'em how to act. "Doctor," sais I, "just see if the cart with the moose has arrived ; we must be a moving soon, for the wind is fair." As soon as he went on this errand, "Peter," sais I, "the doctor wants to marry your daughter, and she, I think, is not unwilling, though, between you and me, you know better than she does w^hat is good for her. Now the doctor don't know as much of the world as you do. He has never seen Scotland, nor the north-west, nor travelled as you have, and observed so much." " She never said a truer w^ord in her life," said Peter. " She has seen the Shetlands and the Eocky Mountains — the two finest places in the world, and crossed the sea and the Red Eiver ; pe- sides Canada and Nova Scotia, and seen French, and pairs, and T!IK nETUOTIIAL. 1(W "the U not than low as Id, nor led so "She ) finest (r; pe- Ts, and Tiulinnn. and W(»lve«, luul phio lumcH, and puflnliH'n.and Ynnkr«'H. and |)niirii> do^H, and Iliu;hhiiid rhit'tt*, nnd Indian chirtH, and othrr ^rt'at Hlu'ntk'nien, m-nidfH pcavorHwith thi'ir tails on. Sh»' has mm the pest part ot the world, Mr JSliek." And lie liuditt'd W\H pipe in his entliUHiasni, whi'ii enumerating what he had M(«*n, and lo(»ked at4 if he felt t;ood all over. "Well," Bais i, "the (hx-tor, like an honourahlo man, has asked Squire IVter MeDonald lor his daughter; now, when he eomes in,eall Jessie and plaee her hand in his, and say you eon- sent, and let tlie spruee and birt-h partridge go and live near the Jake together." "Tat she will," said he, "for ta toctor is a shentleman pred and porn, though she hasn't the honour to be a Highlander." As soon as the JJaehelor Heaver returned, Peter went on this ])aternal mission, for whieh I prepared my friend ; and the be- trothal was duly performed, when he said in Gaelic: "Dhia Beammich sibh le choile mo chlam! God bless you both, my children ! " As soon as the ceremony was over, " Now," sais I, " we must be a movin'. Come, Peter, let us go on board. Where are the pipes ? Strike up your merriest tune." And he preceded us, playing, " Nach damhsadh am minsfer" in his best manner — if anything can be said to be good, where bad is the best. When we arrived at the beach. Cutler and mv old friend, the black steward, were ready to receive us. It would have been a bad omen to have had Sorrow meet the betrothed pair so soon, but that was only a jocular name given to a very merry negro. " Well, Sorrow," sais I, as we pushed off in the boat, " how are you ? " " Very bad, Massa," he said, " T ab been used most rediculous shamful since you left. Time was berry dull on board since you been withdrawn from de light ob your countenance, and de crew sent on shore, and got a consignment ob rum, for benefit ob un- derwriters, and all consarned as dey said, and dey sung hymns, as dey call nigga songs, like Lucy Neal and Lucy Long, and den dey said we must hab abk tion sarmon ; so dey fust corned me, Massa." " In the beef or pork-barrel, Sorrow ? " said I. " Oh, Lord bless you, Massa, in needer ; you knows de mean- ing ob dat are word — I is sure you does — dey made me most tosieated, Massa, and dey said, ' Sorrow, come preach ablution sarmon.' Oh, Massa, I was berry sorry, it made me feel all ober like ague ; but how could I insist so many ; what w'as I to do, dey fust made me der slave, and den said, ' Now tell us bout man- lot THE BETROTHAL. i tl !| II li cij)ation.' AVell, dey gnb me glass oh rum, and I swallowed it — berry bad rum — *vell, dat wouldn't do. Well, den dey pub me anoder glass, and dat wouldn't do ; dis here ehild hab trong head, Massa, werry trong, but he hoped de rum was all out, it was so bad ; den dey rejeetioned anoder in my face, and I paused and crastimated: sais I, 'Masters, is you done?' for dis child was afeard, Massa, if he drank all de bottle empty, dey would tro dat in his face too, so sais I : "Masters, I preaches under protest, against owners and ship for baudonment ; but if I must out to sea, and dis niggar don't know how to steer by lunar compass, here goes.' Sais I, ' My dear bredren,' and dey all called out : " ' You farnal niggar you ! do you call us bredren, when you is as black as de debbil's hind leg ? ' " ' I beg your most massiful pardon,' sais I, ' but as you is ablutionists, and when you preach, calls us regraded niggars your coloured bredren, I tought I might venture to foUer inde same suit, if I had a card ob same colour.' " Well done. Uncle Tom,' sais they. ' AVell done. Zip Coon,' ard dey made me swallow anoder glass ob naited truth. Dis here child has a trong head, Massa, dat are a fac. He stand so much sun, he ain't easy combustioned in his entails. " ' Go on,' sais they. " W^ell, my bredren,' sais I, " I will dilate to you the valy of a niggar, as put in one scale and white man in de oder. Now, bredren, you know" a sparrer can't fall to de ground no how he can lix it, but de Lord knows it — in course ob argument you do. Well, you know^s twelve sparrers sell in de market for one penny. In course ob respondence you do. How much more den does de Lord care for a niggar like me, who is worth six hun- dred dollars and lifty cents, at de least ? So, gentlemen, I is done, and now please, my bredren, I will pass round de hat wid your recurrence.' " Well, dey was pretty high, and dey behaved like gentle- mc 11, I must submit dat ; dey gub me four dollars, dey did — dey is great friends to niggar, and great mancipationists, all ob dem ; and I would hab got two dollars more, I do rally conclude, if I hadn't a called 'em my bredren. Dat was a slip ob de lock- " I must inquire into this," said Cutler, " it's the most in- decent thing I ever heard of. It is downright profanity ; it is shocking," " Very," said I, " but the sermon wam't a bad one ; I never heard a niggar reason before ; I knew they could talk, and so can Lord Tandemberry; but as for reasoning, I never heerd THE liETROTHAL. 1G5 never and so heercl either one or the other attempt it before. There is an approach to hj^MC in that." " There is a very good hit at the hypocrisy of abohtionista in it," said the doctor; "that appeal about my bredren is capi- tal, and the passing round of the hat is quite evangelical." " Oigh," said Peter, " she have crossed the great sea and the ^oat prairies, and she haven't heerd many sarmons, for Sunday don't come but once a month there, but dat is the pest she ever heerd, it is so short." "Slick," said Cutler, "I am astonished at you. Give way there, my men ; ease the bow oar." " Exactly," sais I, " Cutler — give way there, my man ; ease the bow oar — that's my maxim too — how the devil can you learu if you don't hear?" sais J. " How can you learn good," said he, " if you listen to evil?" " Let's split the difterence," said I, laughing, " as I say in swapping ; let's split the difterence. If you don't study man- kind how can you know the world at all ? But if you want to preach — " " Come, behave yourself," said he, laughing ; " lower down ■ the man ropes there." "To help up the tcomen,^^ said I. " Slick," said he, " it's no use talking ; you are incorrigible." The breakfast was like other breakfasts of the same kind ; and, as the wind was fair, we could not venture to offer any amusements to our guests. So in due time we parted, the doc- tor alone, of the whole party, remaining on board. Cutler made the first move by ascending the companion-ladder, and I shook hands with Peter as a hint for him to follow. Jessie, her sister, Ovey, and I, remained a few minutes longer ia the cabin. The former was much agitated. " Good bye," said she, " Mr Slick ! Next to him," pointing to the Bachelor Beaver, " you have been the kindest and best friend I ever bad. You have made me feel what it is to be happy ; " and woman-like, to prove her happiness, burst out a crying, and threw her arms round my neck and kissed me. " Oh ! Mr Slick ! do w^e part for ever ? " " For ever ! " sais I, trying to cheer her up ; " for ever is a most thundering long word. No, not for ever, nor for long either. I expect you and the doctor will come and visit us to Slickville this fall ; " and I laid an emphasis on that word " ms," because it referred to what I had told her of Sophy. " Oh ! " said she, " how kind that is ! " " "Well," sais I, " now I will do a kinder thing. Jane and I will go on deck, and leave }ou and the doctor to bid each other US'' i 16G TTIE BETROTHAL. good-lno." Ah I reached the door, I tiiriifd and said : " Jessie, teacli him Gaelic the way Flora taught lue — ilo bhileau hoidheuch (with your pretty lips)." As the boat drew alongside, Peter bid me again a most alFectionate, if not a most complimentary farewell. *' She has never seen many Yankees herself," said Peter, " but prayin' Joe, the horse-stealer — tam liim — and a few New England pedlars, who asked three hundred per shent for their coots, but Mr Slick is a shentleman, every inch of him, and the pest of them she ever saw, and she w ill pe glad to see her again whenever she comes this way." AVhen they were all seated in the boat, Peter played a dole- ful ditty, which I. Lave no doubt expressed the grief of his heart. But I am sorry to say it was not much appreciated on board of the " Black Hawk." By the time they reached the shore, the anchor was up, the sails trimmed, and we were fairly out of Ship Harbour. CHAPTER XTII. A TOGOY ^'I011T. The wind, what there was of it, was off shore ; it was a light north-wester, but after we made an offing of about ten miles, it failed us, being evidently nothing but a land breeze, and we were soon becalmed. After tossing about for an hour or two, a light cat's-paw gave notice that a fresh one was spring- ing up, but it was from the east, and directly ahead. " We shall make poor work of this," said the pilot, " and I am afraid it will bring up a fog with it, which is a dangerous thing on this coast, I would advise therefore returning to Ship Harbour," but the captain said, " Business must be attended to, and as tnere was nothing more of the kind to be done there, we must only have patience and beat up for Port Liscomb, which is a great resort for fishennen." I proposed w^e should take the wind as we found it, and run for Chesencook, a French settlement, a short distance to the w estward of us, and effect our objet t there, which I thought very probable, as no American vessels put in there if they can avoid it. This proposition met the approval of all parties, so we put the " Black Hawk " before the wind, and by sunset were safely and securely anchored. The sails were A FOGGY NIGHT. 107 scarcely furled before the fojj set in, or rather rose up, for it .teemed not so nuicli to come from the sea as to ascend from it, as steam rises from heated water. It seemed the work of maj^ic, its appearance was so sudden. A moment before there was a glorious sunset, now we had im- penetrable darkness. "NV'e were envelo])ed as it were in a cloud, the more dense perhaps because its propjress was arrested by the spruce hills, back of the village, and it had receded unon itself The little French settlement (for the inhabitants ^.ere all descended from the ancient Acadians) was no longer dis- cernible, and heavy drops of water fell from the rigging on the deck. The men put on their "sow- wester" hats and yellow oiled cotton jackets. Their hair looked grey, as if there had been sleet falling. There was a great change in the tempera- ture — the w^eather appeared to have suddenly retrograded to April, not that iL was so cold, but that it was raw and uncom- fortable. We shut the companion-door to keep it from de- scending there, and paced the deck and discoursed upon this dis- agreeable vapour bath, its cause, its effects on the constitutron, and so on. " It does not penetrate far into the country," said the doc- tor, " and is by no means unhealthy — as it is of a diiferent cha- racter altogether from the land fog. As an illustration how- ever of its density, and of the short distance it rises from the water, I will tell you a circumstance to which I was an eye- witness. I was on the citadel hill at Halifax once, and saw the points of the masts of a mail-steamer above the fog, as she was proceeding up the harbour, and I waited there to asc^ain if she could possibly escape George's Island, which lay directly in her track, but w^liich it was manifest her pilot could not discern from the deck. In a few moments she was stationary. All this I could plainly perceive, although the hull of the vessel was in- visible. Some idea may be formed of the obscurity occasioned by the fog, from the absurd stories that were waggishly put abroad at the time of the accident. It was gravely asserted that the first notice the sentinel had of her approach, was a poke in the side from her jibboom, which knocked him over into the moat and broke two of his ribs, and it was also maintained with equal truth that when she came to the wharf it was found she had brought away a small brass gun on her bowsprit, into which she had thrust it like the long trunk of an elephant." "Well," sais I, " let Halifax alone for hoaxes. There are some droll foves in that place, that's a fact. Many a laugh have I had there, I tell you. But, Doctor," sais I, "just listen to the noises on shore here at Chesencook. It's a curious thing to \ i a 108 A FOGGY NIGHT. hear the shout of the anxious mother to her vapT^nt hoy to re- tuni, hefore nipjht makes it too dark to find his way home, ain't it? and to listen to the noisy pamhols of invisihlc children, the man in the cloud hawline; to his ox, as if the ihf; had affected their hearinqj instead of their sight, the sharp rin^ij of the axe at the wood pile, and the barking of the dogs as they defy or salute each other. One I fancy is a grumbling bark, as much as to Bay, ' No sleep for us, ola boy, to-night, some of these coasters will be making love to our sheep as they did last week, if we don't keep a bright look out. If you hear a fellow speak Eng- lish, pitch right into the heretic, and bite like a snapping turtle. I always do so in the dark, for they can't swear to you when they don't see you. If they don't give me my soup soon (how like a French dog that, ain't it ?) I'll have a cod-fish for my sup- Eer to-night, off of old Jodry's flakes at the other end of the arbour, for our masters bark so loud they never bite, so let them accuse little Paul Longille of theft.' I wonder if dogs do talk, Doctor?" said I. " There is no doubt of it," he replied. " I believe both ani- mals and birds have some means of communicating!; to each other all that is necessary for them — I don't go further." " "Well, that's reasonable," sais I ; " I go that figure, too, but not a cent higher. Now there is a nigger," sais I ; and I would have given him a wink if I could, and made a jupe of my head towards Cutler, to show him I was a goin' to get the cap- tain's dander up for fun ; but what's the use of a wink in a fog ? In the first place, it ain't easy to make one ; your lids are so everlastin' heavy; and who the plague can seo v'jv if you do? and if he did notice it, he would only think yoT^ ,V(:*yv^ tryin' to protect your peepers, that's all. Wel^. i wink is no ' etter nor a nod to a blind horse; so I gave him a ni:dg- iiidtead. " Now, there is the nigger. Doctor," sais I, " do you think he has a soul?* It's a question I always wanted to ask Brother Eldad, for I never see him a dissectin' of a darky. If I had, I should have known ; for nature has a place for everything, and everything in it's place.' ■>> • This very sin^lar and inconsequential rhodomontade of Mr Slick is one of those starthng pieces of levity that a stranger often hears from a person of his class in hi" ■ '•avels on this side of the water. The odd mixture of strong religious fee?i!,f and repulsive looseness of conversation on serious subjects, which may here it^-. ..mci ) be found in his Diary, naturally results from a free association with pers >rs of ali. 'f no creeds. It is the most objectionable trait in his character — to reject it altogether would be to vary the portrait he has given us of ijir.e'f — ♦: ivl ait :t, lowers the e^ imate we might otherwise be disposed to form o*" ^'m - iu't, a? L? hivs oftca observed, what is the u-^e of a sketch if it be ^ >>r lai'byul .» -4 FOGGY NIGHT. IfiO " M)' Slick," said Cutler, — be nover cr.llo(l me Mr before, and it 8bf)wed he was mad, — "do yojj doubt it?" " Xo," eais I, " 1 don't ; my only doubt is whether thev have three?" " Wliat in the world do you mean ?" said he. "Well," sais I, "two souls we know they have — their jn^eat lat splaw feet show tha, , and a.s hard as jackasses' they are too ; out the third is my difficulty ; if they have a spiritual soul, where is it ? We ain't jest satistied about its locality in ourselves. Is it in the heart, or the brain, or where does it hani? out ? We know pjeese have souls, and we know where to tind them." " Oh, oh ! " said Cutler. " Cut oif the legs and wings and breast of the goose," sais I, "and split him down lengthways, and right agin the back-bone is small cells, and there is the goose's soul, it's black meat, pretty much nigger colour. Oh, it's grand ! It's the moat de- licate part of the bird. It's what I always ask for myself, when folks say, *Mr Slick, what part shall I help you to — a slice of the breast, a wing, a side-bone, or the deacon's nose, or what ?' Everybody laughs at that last word, especially if there is a deacon at table, for it sounds unctious, as he calls it, and he can excuse a joke on it. So he laughs himself, in token of ap- probation of the tid-bits being reserved for him. ' Give me the soul,' sais I ; and this I will say, a most delicious thing it is, too. Now, don't groan. Cutler — keep that for the tooth-ache, or a campmeetin' ; it's a waste of breath ; for as we don't ex- actly know where our own souls reside, what harm is there to |)ursue such an interesting investigation as to our black brethren. My private opinion is, if a nigger has one, it is located in his heel." "Oh, Mr Slick!" said he, "oh!" and he held up both hands. " Well," sais I, "Cutler, just listen to reason now, just hear mc ; you have been all round the world, but never in it ; now, I have been a great deal in it, but don't care for goin' round it. It don't pay. Did you ever see a nigger w-ho had the gout ? for they feed on the best, and drink of the best, when they ar household servants down south, and often have the gout. I. you have, did you ever hear one say, * Get otf my toes ? ' No, never, nor any other created critter. They always say, ' Get off my heel.' They are all like Lucy Long, ' when her foot was in the market-house, her heel was in Main-street.' It is the pride and boast of a darky. His head is as thick as a ram's, but his heel is very sensi^u'e. Now, does the soul reside there ? Did you ever study a dead nigger's heel, as we do a horse's frog. !'.j 170 A FOGGY NIGHT. All the feeling of a liorac ih there. Wound that, and he never recovers ; he is foiuidered — his heart is broke. Now, if a nigger has a soul, and it ain't in his gix/.ard, and can t in natur be in his skull, why, it stands to reason it must be in his heel." " Oh, Mr Slick," said Cutler, '" I never thought I should have heard this from vou. It's do\mright profanity." •' It's no such thmg," sais I, " it's merely a philosophical investigation. Mr Cutler," sais I, " let us understand each other. I have been brought up by a minister as well as you, and I be- lieve your father, the clergyman at Barnstaple, was aa good a man as ever lived ; but Barnstaple is a small place. My dear old master, Mr Hopewell, was an old man who nad seen a great deal in his time, and knew a great deal, for he had 'gone through the mill.' " "What is that?" said he. " Why," saia I, " when he was a boy, he was intended, like Washington, for a land-surveyor, and studied that branch of business, and was to go to the w'oods to lay out lots. Well, a day or two arter he was diplomatised as a surveyor, he went to bathe in a mill-pond, and the mill was a goin' like all statiee, and sucked him into the uume, and he weut through into the race below, and came out t'other side with both his legs broke. It was a dreadful accident, nud gave him serious reflections, for as he lay in bed, he thought h( might just as easily lij*,e broke hia neck. Well, in our country about Slickville, any man arter that v!io was wise and had experience of life, was said to have * gone through the mill.' Do you take ? " But he didn't answer. " Well, your father and my go .1 old friend brought us both up religiously, and I hope taught us what was right. But, Mr Cutler -" " Don't call me Mr," said he. "Well, Cutler, then, I have been 'through the mill,' in that sense I have acquired a knowledge of the world ; if I havn't, the kicks I have taken .nust have fallen on barren ground. I know the chalk line in life won't do always to travel by. If you go straight a-head, a bottomletts quag or a precipice will bring you up all standing as sure as fate. Well, they don't stop me, for I givt? them the go-by, and make a level line with- out a titunel, or tubular bridge, or any other scientific folly ; I get to the end my own way — and it ain't a slow one neither. Ipot. The names she called me ain't no matter. They were the two Miss Leg^i'B of Albany, and cut a tall swarth, I tell you, for they say they are descended from a covenor of Nova Scotia, when good men, according to their tell, could be found for govenors, and that their relations in England are some pumpkins, too. I was as innocent as a child, Letty.' " * Well,' said she, * you are tne most difficult man to under- stand I ever see — there is no telling whether you are in fun or in earnest. But as I was a saying, there was some such talk afore General Smith went to Texas ; but that story was raised by the Pawtaxet College folks, to injure this institution. They did all they could to tear my reputation to chitlius. Me en- gaged, I should like to see the man that — ' " ' Well, you seemed plaguey scared at one just now,' sais I. ' I am sure it was a strange way to show you would like to see a man.' " * I didn't say that,' she replied, * but you take one up so quick.' " * It's a way I have,* said I, ' and always had, since you and I was to singing-school together, and larnt sharps, flats, and naturals. It was a crotchet of mine,' and I just whipped my arm round her waist, took her up and kissed her afore she knowed where she was. Oh Lordy ! Out came her comb, and down fell her hair to her waist, like a mill-dam broke loose ; and two false curls and a braid fell on the floor, and her frill took to dancin* round, and got wrong side afore, and one of her shoes slipt off, and she really looked as if she had been in an indgian-scrimmage and was ready for scalpin'. " ' Then you ain't engaged, Liddy,' sais I ; * how glad I am to hear that, it makes my heart jump, and cherries is ripe now, and I will help you up into the tree, as I used to did when you and I was boy and gall together. It does seem so nateral, Liddy, to have a game of romps with you again ; it makes me feel as young as a two-year-old. How beautiful you do look, too ! My, what a pity you is shut up here, with these young galls all day, talking by the yard about the corrallas, calyxes, and staminas of flowers, w^hile you FEMALE CX)LLE0E8. 1S7 *• • Are d«>om\ " nh nimoon, And waato your iweftncu u > the denert uir.' "'Oh,' said nhe, 'Sam, I must cut and run, and 'blush un- Bcen,' that's a fact, or I'm ruinatt*d,' and she up cupIm. onnib, braid, and shoe, and off like a shut into abed-room that adjoined the parlour, and bolted the door, and double-locked it, um it' she was afraid an attachment was to be levied on her and her chat- tels, by the sheriff, and I was a bum-bailitf. " Thinks I, old gall, I'll pay you off for treating me the way you did just now, as sure as the world. ' May I aak, Mr Slick, what is the object of this visit?' A pretty way to receive a cousin that vou haven't seen so long, ain't it ? and thou<;h I say it that shouldn't say it, that cousin, too, 8am 81ick, the nttachu to our embassy to the Court of Victoria, Buckingham Palace. You couldn't a treated me wuss if I had been one of the liveried, powdered, bedizened, be-bloated footmen from 't'other big nouse there of Aunt Harriette's.' I'll make you come dowu from your stilts, and walk naterel, I know, see if I don't. " rresently she returned, all set to rights, and a little righter, too, for she had put a touch of rouge on to make the bluHJi Mtick better, and her nair was slicked up snugger than before, and looked as if it had growed like anything. 8he had also slipped a handsome habit-shirt on, and she looked, take her altogether, as if, though she wam't engaged, she ought to have been afore the last five hot summers came, and the general thaw had com- menced in the spring, and she had got thin, and out of condition. She put her hand on her heart, and said, 'I am so skared, Sam, I feel all over of a twitteration. The way you act is horrid.' " ' So do 1/ sais I, ' Liddy, it's so long since you and I used to—' " * Ton ain't altered a bit, Sam,' said she, for the starch was coming out, * from what you was, only you are more forrider. Our young men, when they go abroad, come back and talk so free and easy, and take such liberties, and say it's the fashion in Paris, it's quite scandalous. Now, if you dare to do the like again, I'll never speak to you the longest day I ever li-; o, I'll go right off and leave, see if I don't.' " ' Oh, I see, I have offended you,' sais I, * you are not in a humour to consent now, so I will call again some other time.' " ' This lecture on botany must now be postponed,' she said, ' for the hour is out some time ago. If you will be seated, I will set the young students at embroidery instead, and return for a short time, for it does seem so nateral to see you, Sam, you saucy boy,' and she pinched my ear, ' it reminds one, don't it, of by- gones P ' and she hung her head a one side, and looked sentimental. 188 FEMALE COLLEGES. !J !!' J? " ' Of by-gone larks,' siiid T. "*Hu8h, Sam,' she said, 'don't talk bo loud, that's a dear Roul. Oh, if anybody had come in just then, and caught ««.' (" Us" thinks I to myself, " I thought you had no objection to it, and only struggled enough for modestj'-like ; and I did think you would !iave said, caught you") " '- 1 would have been ruinated lor ever and ever, and amen, and the college broke up, and my position in the literary, scien- tific, and intellectual world scorched, withered, and blasted for ever. Ain't my cheek all burning, Sam ? it feels as if it was all a-Mie ;' and she put it near enough for me to see, and feel tempt- ed beyond my strength. * Don't it look horrid inflamed, dear ?' Ar.d she danced out of the room, as if she was skipping a rope. " Well, well," sais I, when she took herself oft'. " What a world this is ! This is evangelical learning ; girls are taught in one room to faint or scream if they see a man, as if he was an incarnation of sin ; and yet they are all educated and trained to think the sole object of life is to win, not convert, but win one of these sinners. In the next room propriety, dignity, and de- corum, romp with a man in a way to make even his sallow face blush. Teach a child there is harm in everything, however in- nocent, and so soon as it discovers the cheat, it won't see no sin in anything. That's the reason deacons' sons seldom turn out well, and preachers' daughters are married through a window. Innocence is the sweetest thing in the world, and there is more of it than folks generally imagme. If you want some to trans- plant, don't seek it in the enclosures of cant, for it has only coun- terfeit ones, but go to the gardens of truth and of sense. Coerced innocence is like an imprisoned lark, open the door and it's oft' for ever. The bird that roams through the sky and the groves unrestrained knows how to dodge the hawk and protect itself, >ut the caged one, the moment it leaves its bars and bolts behind, i.3 ':o»uiced upon by the fowler or the vulture. Puritans, whether in or out of the church (for there is a TN.-li0ie squ id of 'em in it, like rats in a house who eat up its bread Mc i Tidfcfmine its waUs), make more sinners than they save by a long chalk. They ain't content with real sin, the pattern ain't sufficient for a cloak, so they sew on several breadths of artificial oftiences, and that makes one big enough to wrap round them, and cover their own deformity. It enlarges the margin, and the book, and gives more texts. " Their eyes are like the great magnifier at the Polytechnic, that shows you many-headed, many-armed, many-footed, and many-tailed awful monsters in a drop of water, which were never intended for us to see, or Prondence would have made our eyes FEMALE COLLEGES. ISO u, like Lord Rosse's telescope (which discloses tlie secrets of the moon), and given us springs that had none of these canables in 'em. Water is our dnnk, and it was made for us to take when we were dry, and be thankful. After I first saw one of these drops, like an old cheese chock full of livin' things, I couldn't drink nothing but pure gin or brandy for a week. I was scared to death. I consaited when I went to bed I could audibly feel these cri^ter8 fightin' like Turks and minin' my inerds, and I got parvous lest my stomach like a citadel might be blowed up and the works destroyed. It was frightful. " At last I 3ot up and said, Sam, where is all your common eense gone ? You used to have a considerable sized phial of it, I hope you ain't lost the cork and let it all run out. So I put myself in the witness-stand, and asked myself a few questions. " ' Water was made to drink, wam't it ? ' "' That's a fact.' •' * You can't see them critters in it with your naked eye ? ' " ' I tan't see them at all, neither naked or dressed.' " * Then it wam't intended you should ? ' " ' Seems as if it wasn't,' sais I. " ' Then drink, and don't be skeered.' " * I'll be darned if I don't, for who knows them wee-mon- strosities don't help digestion, or feed on human p/son. They warn't put into Adam's ale for nothin', that's a fact.' " It seems as if they wam't.' sais 1. * So now I'll go to sleep.' " Well, puritans' eyes are like them magnifiers ; they see the devil in everything but themselves, where he is plaguy apt to be found by ihem. that want him ; for he feels at home m their company. One time « h^y vow he is a dancin' master, and moves his feet so quick folka can't see they are cloven, another time a music master, and teaches children to open their mouths and not their nostrils in singing. Now he is a tailor or milliner, and makes fashionable garments ; and then a manager of a theatre, which is the most awful place in the world ; it is a reflex of life, and the reflection is always worse than the original, as a man's shadow is more dangerous than he is. But w^orst of all, they solemnly affirm, for they don't swear, he comes sometimes iu lawn sleeves, and looks like a bishop, which is popery, or in the garb of high churchmen, who are all Jesuits. Is it any wonder these cantin' fellows pervert the understanding, sap the principles, corrupt the heart, and destroy the happiness of so many ? Poor dear old Minister used to say, ' Sam, you must in- struct your conscience, for an ignorant or superstitious conscience is a snare to the unwary. If you think a thing is WTong that is not, IM FEMALE COLLEGES. i ! and do it, then you sin, because ■'ou are doing -^hah you believe in your heart to be wicked. It is the intention that constitutes the crime.' Those sour crouts therefore, by err ating artificial and imitation sin in such abuudance, make real s'ix of no sort of con- sequence, and the world is so chock full of it, a fellow gets careless at last and won't get out of its way, it's 30 much trouble to pick his steps. " Well, I was off in a brown study so deep about artificial sins, I didn't hear Liddy come in, she shut the door so softly and trod on tiptoes so light on the carpet. The first thing 1 knew was I felt her hands on my head, as she stood behind me, a dividin' of my hair with her fingers. "*Why, Sam,' said she, 'as I'm a livin' sinner if you ain't got some white hairs in your head, and there is a little bald patch here right on the crown. How strange it is ! It only seems like yesterday you was a curly-headed boy.' " ' Yes,' sais I, and I hove a sigh so loud it made the window jar ; * but I have seen a great deal of trouble since then. I lost two wives in Europe.' " ' Now do tell,' said she. * Why you don't ! — oh, jimminy criminy ! two wives ! How was it, poor Sam ? ' and she kissed the bald spot on my pate, and took a rockin'-chair and sat op- posite to me, and began rockin' backwards and forwards like a fellow sawin' wood. * How was it, Sam, dear ? ' " ' Why,' sais I, * first and foremost, Liddy, I married a fa- shionable lady to London. AVell, bein' out night arter night at balls and operas, and what not, she got kinder used up and beat out, and unbeknownst to me used to take opium. Well, one night she took too much, and in the morning she was as dead as a herring.' " ' Did she make a pretty corpse ? ' said Lid, lookin' very sanctimonious. ' Did she lay out handsum ? 5'hey say prussic acid makes lovely corpses; it keeps the eyes from fallin' in. Next to dyin' happy, the greatest thing is to die pretty. Ugly corpses frighten sinners, but elegant ones win them.' " * The most lovely subject you ever beheld,' said I. * She looked as if she was only asleep ; she didn't stiffen at all, but was as limber as ever you see. Her hair fell over her neck and shoulders in beautiful curls just like youm ; and she had on her fingers the splendid diamond rings I gave her ; she was too fa- tigued to take 'em off when she retired the night afore. I felt proud of her even in death, I do assure you. She was handsome enough to eat. I went to ambassador's to consult him about the funeral, whether it should be a state affair, with all tho whole diplomatic corps of the court to attend it, or a private I FEMALE COLLEGES. 101 She but land her fa- felt lome )OUt tho rate one. But he advised a private one ; he said it best comported with our dignified simphcity as republicans, and, although cost was no object, still it was satisfactory to know it was far less expense. When I came back she was gone.' " * Gone ! ' said Liddy, * gone where r ' " * Gone to the devil, dear, I suppose.' " * Oh my ! * said she. * AVell, I never in all my bom days ! Oh, Sam, is that the way to talk of the dead ! ' " * In the dusk of the evening,' sais I, ' a carriage, they said, drove to the door, and a coffin was carried up-stairs ; but the undertaker said it wouldn't fit, and it was taken back again for a larger one. Just afore I went to bed, I went to the room to have another look at her, and she was gone, and tliere was a letter on the table for me ; it contained a few words only. — ' Dear Sam, my first husband is come to life, and so have I. Good- bye, l0V9.' ' « ' Well, what did you do ? ' " * Gave it out,' said I, ' she died of the cholera, and had to be buried quick and private, and no one never knew to the con- trary.' " * Didn't it almost break your heart, Sammy ? ' " ' No,' sais I. 'In her hurry, she took my dressing-case in- stead of her own, in which was all her own jewels, besides those I gave her, and all our ready money. So I tried to resign my- self to my loss, for ifc might havf been worse, you know,' and I looked as good as pie. " ' Well, if that don't beat all, I declare ! ' said she. " * Liddy,' sais I, with a mock solemeoly air, ' every bane has its antidote, and every misfortin its peculiar consolation.' " ' Oh, Sam, that showed the want of a high moral intellect- ual education, didn't it ? ' said she. ' And yet you had tb« cour- age to marry again ? ' " ' WeU, I married,' sais I, ' next year in France a lady who had refused one of Louis Philip's sons. Oh, what a splendid gall she was, Liddy ! she was the star of Paris. Poor thing ! I lost her in six weeks.' " ' Six weeks ! Oh, Solomon ! ' said she, * in six weeks.' " * Yes,' saib I, * in six short weeks.' " * How was it, Sam ? do tell me all about it , it's quite i - mantic. I vow. it's like the Arabian Nights' Entertainment. You are so unlucky, I swow I shovL d be skeered — ' " • At what ? ' sais I. " ♦ Why, at—' " She was caught there ; she was a goin' to say, ' at mar- ryin' you,' but as she was a leadin' of me on, that woulfln't do. I 102 FEMALE COLLEGES. Doctor, you may catch a gall sometimes, but if she has a mind to^ she can escape if she chooses, for they are as slippery as eels. So she pretended to hesitate on, till I asked her again. " * Why,' sais she, a looking down, * at sleeping alone to- night, after hearing of these dreadful catastrophes.' "•Oh,' sais I, 'is that all P' " ' But how did you lose her ? ' said she. " ' Why, she raced off,' said I, * with the Turkish ambas- sador, and if I had a got hold of him, I'de a lammed him TiTisa than the devil beatin' tan-bark, I know. I'de a had his melt, if there was a bowie-knife out of Kentucky.' " * Did you go after her ? ' " * Yes ; but she cotched it afore I cotched her.' " ' How was that, Sam ? ' " * Why, she wanted to sarve him the same way, with an of- ficer of the Russian Guards, and Mahomet caught her, sewed her up in a sack, and throwed her neck and crop into the Bos- phorus, to fatten eels for the Greek ladies to keep Lent with.' " * Why, how could you be so unfortunate ? ' sai.l she. " * That's a question I have often axed myself, Liddy,' sais I ; * but I have come to this conclusion : London and Pans ain't no place for galls to be trained in.' " ' So I have always said, and always will maintain to my dying day,' she said, rising with great animation and pride. ' What do they teach there but music, dancing, and drawing ? The deuce a thing else ; but here is Spanish, French, German, Italian, botany, geology, mineralogy, icthiology, conchology, theology — ' " * Do you teach angeolology and doxyology ? ' sais I. " * Yes, angeolology and doxyology,' she said, not knowing what she was a talking about. " * And occult sciences ? ' sais I. " ' Yes, all the sciences. London and Paris, eh ! Ask a lady from either place if she knows the electric battery from the magnetic — ' " ' Or a needle from a pole,'' sais I. " ' Yes,' sais she, without listening, * or any such question, and see if she can answer it." " She resumed her seat. " * Forgive my enthusiasm,' she said, ' Sam, you know I al- ways had a great deal of that.' " * I know,' said I, * you had the smallest foot and ankle of anybody in our country. My ! what fine-spun glass heels you had ! Where in the world have you stowed them to ? ' pretendin* to look down for them. FEMALE COLLEGES. 103 lady the I ai- de of " ' Kept them to kick you with,' she said, * if you are sassy.* " Thinks I to myself, what next ? as the woman said to the man who kissed her in the tunnel, you are cominji; out, Liddv. '* * Kick,' said I, * oh, you wouldn't try that, I am sure, let me do what I would.' "'Why not?' said she. " * Why,' sais I, * if you did you would have to kick so high, you would expose one of the larger limbs.' " ' Mr Slick,' said she, ' I trust you will not so far forget what is due to a lady, as to talk of showing her larger limbs, it's not decent.' " ' Well, I know it ain't decent,' said I, * but you said you would do it, and I just remonstrated a little, that's all.' " ' You was saying about London and Paris,' said she, ' being no place for educating young ladies in.' "'Yes,' sais I, 'that painful story of my two poor dear wives (which is 'all in my eye,' as plain as it was then), illus- trates my theory of education in those two capitals. In Loudon, females, who are a great deal in society in the season, like a man who drinks, can't stop, they are at it all the time, and like him, sometimes forget the way home again. In Paris, galls are kept so much at home before marriage, when they once get out, they don't want to enter the cage again. They are the two extremes. If ever I marry, I'll tell you how I will lay down the law. Pleasure shall be the recreation and not the business of life with her. Home the rule — parties the exception. Duty first, amusement second. Her head-quarters shall always be in her own house, but the outposts will never be neglected.' " ' Nothin' like an American woman for an American man, is there ? ' said she, and she drew nearer, lookin' up in my face to read the answer, and didn't rock so hard. " ' It depends upon how they are brought up,' said I, looking wise. 'But, Liddy,' sais I, 'without joking, what an amazin' small foot that is of yours. It always was, and wunst when it slipt through a branch of the cherry-tree, do you recollect my saying. Well I vow that calf was suckled by two cows ? now don't you, LiJdy?' " ' No, Sir,' said she, * I don't, though children may say many things that when they grow up they are ashamed to repeat ; but I recollect now, wimst when you and I went through the long grass to the cherry-tree, your mother said, ' Liddy, beware you are not bit by a garter-snake, and I never knew her meaniu' till now ;' and she rose up and said, ' Mr Slick, I must bid you good morning.' "'Liddy,' sais I, 'don't be so pesky starch, I'U be dod 191 FEMALE COLLEGES. ]! I ii^ fetched if I meant any harm, but you beat me all holler. I only spoke of the calf, and you went a streak higher and talked of the garter.' " ' Sam,' said she, * you was always the most impedent, for- redest, and pertest boy th»*t ever was, and travellin' hain't im- proved you one mite or morsel.* " * I am sorry I have offended you, Liddy,' sais I, *but really now, how do you manage to teach all them things with hard names, for we never even heard of them at Slickville ? Have you any mastera ? ' " ' Masters,' said she, * the first one that entered this college would ruin it for ever. What, a man in this college ! where the juvenile pupils belong to the iSrst families — I guess not. I hire a young lady to teach rudiments.' " ' So I should think,' sais I, * from the specimen I saw at your door, she was rude enough in all conscience.' " * Pooh,' said she, ' well, I have a Swiss lady that leaches French, German, Spanish, and Italian, and an English one that instructs in music and drawing, and I teach history, geography, botany, and the sciences, and so on.' "'How on earth did you learn them all?' said I, 'for it puzzles me.' " ' Between you and me, Sam,' said she, * for you know my broughtens up, and it's no use to pretend — ^primary books does it all, there is question and answer. I read the question, and they learn the answer. It's the easiest thing in the world to teach now-a-days.' " * But suppose you get beyond the rudiments ? ' " ' Oh, they never remain long enough to do that. They are brought out before then. They go to Saratoga first in summer, and then to Washington in winter, and are married right off after that. The domestic, seclasive, and exclusive system, is found most conducive to a high state of refinement and deli- cacy. I am doing well, Sam,' said she, drawing nearer, and looking confidential in my face. * I own all this college, and all the lands about, and have laid up forty thousand dollars be- sides;' and she nodded her head at me, and looked earnest, as much as to say, ' That is a fact, ain't it grand ? ' " ' The devil you have,' said I, as if I had taken the bait. I had a proposal to make.' " ' Oh,' said she, and she coloured up all over, and got up and said, * Sam, won't you have a glass of wine, dear ? ' She in- tended it to give me courage to speak out, and she went to a closet, and brought out a tray with a decanter, and two or three glasses on it, and some frosted plum-cake. * Try that FEMALE COLLEGES. 195 B bait. got up She in- nt to a two or ry that ealte, dear,' she said, *I made it myself, and your dear old mother taught me how to do it;' anil then she laid back her head, and larfcd like anything. *Sam,' said she, 'what a me- mory you have ; I had forgot all about the cherry-tree, I don't recollect a word of it.* "'And the calf?" said T. " ' Get along,' said she, ' do get out ;' and she took up some crumbs of the cake, and made 'em into a ball as big as a cherry, and fired it at me, and struck me in the eye with it, and nearly put it out. She jumped up in a mi ait : ' Did she hurt her own poor cossy's eye ? ' she said!, ' and put it een amost out,' and she kissed it. ' It didn't hurt his little peeper much, did it ? ' " Hullo, sais I to myself, she's coming it too pceowerful strong altogether. The sooner I dig out the better for my wholesomes. Howeyer, let her went, she is wrathy. * I came to propose to you — * " * Dear me,' said she, * I feel dreadful, I wam't prepared for this ; it's very onexpected. What is it, Sam ? I am all oyer of a twiteration.' " * I know you will refuse me,' sais I, * when I look round and see how comfortable and how happy you are, eyen if you ain't engaged.' " ' Sam, I told you I weren't engaged,' she said : ' that story of General Smith is all a fabrication, therefore don't mention that again.' "'I feel,' said I, 'it's no use. I know what you will say, you can't quit.' " ' Tou have a strange way,' said she, rather tart, * for you ask questions, and then answer them yourself. What do you mean?' " ' Well,' sais I, ' I'll teU you, Liddy.' " ' Do, dear,' said she, and she put her hand over her eyes^ as if to stop her from hearing distinctly. * I came to propose to you—' " ' Oh, Sam,' said she, * to think of that !' " ' To take a seat in my buggy,' sais I, * and come and spend a month with sister Sally and me, at the old location.' " Poor thing, I pitied her ; she had one knee over the other, and, as I said, one nand over her eyes, and there she sot, and the way the upper foot went bobbin' up and down was like the palsy, only a little quicker. She never said another word, nor sighed, nor groaned, nor anything, only her head hung lower. Well, I felt streaked. Doctor, I tell you. I felt like a man who had stabbed another, and knew he ought to be hanged for it ; and I looked at her as such a critter would, if he had to look ' i I IDG FEMALE COLLEGES. on, and see tils enemy bleed to death. I knew I had done wrong — I had acted spider-like to her — got her into the web — tied her hand and foot, and tantalized her. I am given to brag, I know, Doctor, when I am in the saddle, and up in tlie stirrups, and leavin' all others behind ; but when a beast is choaked and down in the dirt, no man ever heard me brag I had rode the critter to death. " No, I did wrong, she was a woman, and I was a man, and if she did act a part, why, I ought to have- known the game she had to play, ana made allowances for it. I dropt the trump card under the table that time, and though I got the odd trick, she had the honours. It wam't manly in me, that's a fact ; but confound her, why the plague did she call me * Mr,' and act formal, and give me the bag to hold, when she knew me of old, and minded the cherry-tree, and all that ? Still she was a woman, and a defenceless one too, and I did'nt do the pretty. But if she was a woman, doctor, she had more clear grit than most men have. After a while she took her hand off her eyes and rubbed them, and she opened her mouth and yawned so, you could see down to her garters amost. " * Dear me!' said she, trying to smile; but, oh me! how she looked ! Her eyes had no more expression than a China- aster, and her face was so deadly pale, it made the rouge she had put on look like the hectic of a dying consumption. Her ugly was out in full bloom, I tell you. ' Dear cousin Sam,' said she, * I am so fatigued with my labours as presidentess of this institution, that 1 can hardly keep my peepers open. I think, if I recollect — for I am ashamed to say I was a noddin' — that you proposed (that word lit her eyes up) that I should go with you to visit dear Sally. Oh, Sam ! ' said she (how she bit in her temper that hitch, didn't she ?) * you see, and you saw it at first, I can't leave on so short a notice ; but if my sweet Sally would come and visit me, how delighted I should be ! Sam, I must join my class now. How happy it has made me to see you again after so many years ! Kiss me, dear ; good bye — God bless you ! ' and she yawned again till she nearly dislocated her jaw. * Go on and write books, Sam, for no man is better skilled in human natur and spares it less than yourself.' What a re- proachful look she gave me then! * Good bye, dear!' " Well, when I closed the door, and was opening of the outer one, I heard a crash. I paused a moment, for I knew what it was. She had fainted and fell into a conniption fit. " * Sam,' sais I to myself, * shall I go back ? ' " * No,' sais I, * if you return there will be a scene ; and if you don't, if she can't account naterally for it, the devil can't, that's all.' I [ FEMALE COLLEGES. 107 " Doctor, I felt guilty, I tell you. I had taken a great many rises out of folks in my time, but that's the only one I repent of. Tell you what, Doctor, folks mcy talk about their southern gentlemen, their New York prince-merchants, and so on, but the clear grit, bottom and game, is New England (Yankee- doodle-dum). Male or fenule, young or old, I'll back 'em agin all creation." Squire, show this chapter to Lord Taudembery, if you know him ; and if you don't. Uncle Tom Lavender will give you a letter of introduction to him ; and then ask him if ever he has suffered half so much as Sam Slick has in the cause of edication. CHAPTER XV. she outer lat it f you 'saU.' 0IFSETI170. "We tried the deck again, but the fog was too disagreeable to remain there, for the water fell from the ropes in such large drops, and the planks were so wet and slippery, we soon ad- journed again to the cabin. " I have to thank you, Doctor," said I, " for a most charm- ing day at the Beaver-Dam. That was indeed a day in the woods, and I believe every one there knew how to enjoy it. How different it is from people in a town here, who go out to the country for a pic-nic! A citizen thinks the pleasure of gipseying, as they call it in England, consists solely in the abundance and variety of the viands, the quality and quantity of the wines, and as near an approach to a city dinner as it is possible to have, where there are neither tables, chairs, side- boards, nor removes. He selects his place for the encampment in the first opening adjoining the clearing, as it commands a noble view of the harbour, and there is grass enough to recline upon. The woods are gloomy, the footing is slippery, and there is nothing to be seen in a forest but trees, windfalls which are difficult to climb, and boggy ground that wets your feet, and makes you feel uncomfortable. The limbs are eternally knock- ing your hat off, and the spruce gum ruins your clothes, while ladies, like sheep, are for ever leaving fragments of their dress on every bush. He chooses the skirts of the forest therefore, the background is a glorious wood, and the foreground is diver- sified by the shipping. The o-heave-o of the sailors, as it rises and fulis in the distance, is music to bis ears, and suggestive of 108 G1P8EYING. agreeable reflections, or profitable converBation pcculinrly ap- propriate to the place and the occanion. The price of llHh m the "West Indies, or of deals in Liverpool, or the probobh; rise of flour in the market, ainwso the vacant mind of himself and his partner, not his wife, for she is only his theping partner, but the wide-awake partner of the firm, one of those who are em- braced in the comprehensive term the • Co.' lie is the deposi- tory of his secrets, the other of his complaints. " His wife is equally happy, she enjoys it inicommonly, for she knows it will spite those horrid Mudges. She is determined not to invite them, for they make too much noise, it gives her the headache, and their flirting is too bad. ^Irs White called them garrison hacks. And besides (for women always put the real reason last — they live in a postscript) they don't deserve it, for they left her girls out when they had the lobster-spearing party by torch-lignt, with the officers of the flag-ship, though that was no loss, for by all accounts it was a very romping Earty, knocking off" the men's hats, and then exchanging their onnets for them. And how any mother could allow her daugh- ter to be held round the waist by the flag-lieutenant, while she leaned over the boat to spear the fish, is a mystery to her. The polka is bad enough, but, to her mind, that is not decent, and then she has something to whisper about it, that she savs is too bad (this is a secret though, and she must whisper it, tor walls have ears, and who knows but trees have, and besides, the good things are never repeated, but the too had always is), and Mrs Black lifts up both her hands, and the whites of both eyes in perfect horror. " * Now did you ever ! Oh, is that true ? Why, you don't ! ' " ' Lucy Green saw him with her own eyes,' and she opens her own as big as saucers. " ' And what did Miss Mud^e say ? ' " * Well, upon my word,' said she, * I wonder what you will do next,' and laughed so they nearly fell overboard. " * Oh, what carryings on, ain't it, dear ? But I wonder where Sarah Matilda is ? I don't see her and Captain De la Cour. 1 am afraid she will get lost in the woods, and that would make people talk as they did about Miss Mudge and Doctor Vincent, who couldn't find their way out once till nine o'clock at night.' " ' They'll soon get back, dear,* sais the other, * let them be; it looks like watching them, and you know,' laying an emphasis on you, * you and I were young once ourselves, and so they will come back when they want to, for though tlie woods have no straight paths in them, they have short cuts enough for them OirSEYIXfJ, 100 will that*s in a hurry. Cupid hnn no watch, dpar; his /oh is for a purte,* and iiho smiles wiokod on the njother of the heiress. " Well, then, who ean say this is not a pleasant diiy to hoth parties ? The old gentlemen have their nioe snuj^ businesaohat, and the old ladies havc their nice snug gossip ehat, and the third estate (a« the head of the firm calls it, who was lately elected member for Grumble Town, and begins to talk parliamentary), the third estate, the young folks, the people of progression, who are not behind but rather ahead of the age they live in. don't they enjoy themselves? It is very hard if youth, beauty, health, good spirits, and a desire to please (because if people havn't that they had better stay to home), can't or won't make people happy. I don't mean lor to go for to say that will insure it, because nothin' is certain, and I have known many a gall that resembled a bottle of beautiful wine, lou will find one some- times as enticin' to appearance as ever was, but hold it up and there is grounds there for all that, settled, but still there, and enough too to spile all, so you can't put it to your lips any how you can fix it. What a pity it is sweet things turn sour, ain't it ? " But in a general way these things will make folks happy. There are some sword-knots there, and they do look very like woodsmen, that's a fact. If you never saw a forrester, you would Bwear to them as perfect. A wide-awake hat, with a little short pipe stuck in it, a pair of whiskers that will be grand when they are a few years older — a coarse check or red flannel shirt, a loose neck-handkerchief, tied with a sailor's knot — a cut-away jacket, with lots of pockets — a belt, but little or no waistcoat — nomespun trowsers and thick buskins — a rough glove and a delicate white hand, the real, easy, and natural gait of the wood- man (only it's apt to be a little, just a little too stifl", on account of the ramrod they have to keep in their throats while on par- ade), when combined, actilly beat natur,for they are too nateral. Oh, these amateur woodsmen enact their part so well, you think you almost see the identical thing itself. And then they have had the advantage of "Woolwich or Sandhurst, or Chobham, and are dabs at a bivouac, grand hands with an axe — cut a hop-pole down in half a day amost, and in the other half stick it into the f round. I don't make no doubt in three or four days they could uild a wigwam to sleep in, and one night out of four under cover is a great deal for an amateur hunter, though it ain't the smallest part of a circumstance to the Crimea. As it is, if a stick ain't too big for a fire, sav not larger than your finger, they can break it over their knee, sooner than you could cut it with a hatchet for your life, and see how soon it's in a blaze. Take them altogether, they are a killing party of coons them, never 1 1 200 OirSEYINO. 1 i ' miM a moose if they shoot out of an Indian's gun, and use a silrer bullet. " Well, then, the young ladies ore equip()ea so nicely — they have uglies to their bonnets, the only thing ugly about them, for at a distance they look like huge green spectacles. They are very useful in the forest, for there is a great glare of the sun generally under trees : or else they have green bonnets, that look like eagle's skins ; thin dresses, strong ones are too heavy, and they don't display the beauty of nature enough, they are so high, and the whole oDJectof the party is to admire that. Their walking shoes are light and thin, they don't fatigue you like coarse ones, and India-rubbers are hideous, they make your feet look as if thev had the gout ; and they have such pretty, dear little aprons, now rural it looks altogetner — they act a day in the woods to admiration. Three of the officers nave nick- names, a very nice thing to induce good fellowship, especially as it has no tendency whatever to promote quarrels. There is Lauder, of the Bijles, he is so short, they call him Pistol; he has a year to grow yet, and may become a great ffun some of these days. Bussel takes a joke good-humouredly, and therefore is BO fortunate as to get more than his share of them, accordingly he goes by the name of Target, as every one takes a shot at him. Duke is so bad a shot, he has twice nearly linked the marks- man, so he is called Trigger. He always lays the blame of his want of skill on that ui^ortunate appendage of the gun, as it is either too hard or too quick on the finger. Then there is young Bulger, and as everybody pronounces it as if it had two * g's ' in it, he corrects them and says, ' g ' soft, my dear fellow, if you please ; so he goes by the name of ' G ' soft. Oh, the convers- ation of the third estate is so pretty, I could listen to it for ever. " ' Aunt,' sais Miss Diantha, * do you know what gyp — gypsy — gypsymum — gypsymuming is ? Did you ever hear now I stut- ter tu-day ? I can't get a word out hardly. Ain't it provoking ? ' Well, stammering is provoking; out a pretty little acci- dental impediment of speech like that, accompanied with a little graceful bob of the head, is very taking, ain't it ? " ' Gypsuming,' sais the wise matron, * is the plaster of Paris trade, dear. They carry it on at Windsor, your father says.' " Pistol gives Target a wink, for they are honouring the party by their company, though the mother of one keeps a lodging- house at Bath, and the father of the other makes real genuine East India curry in London. They look down on the whole of the townspeople. It is natural ; pot always calls kettle an ugly name. " * No, Ma,' sais Di — all the girls address her as Di ; ain't pr OirSEYINO. 201 it a prt'tty abbreviation for a (Vu'-away younp; lady ? But sbr it not a (lit-away lass; she ih more of a Di VtTnon. *2so, Ma,' ■ais Di, ' K'pHey — inp, wbat a hard word it is ! 3 it's what they call these iMiiies in England. It gipsy litV • Mr liuhM'l savs is so like tito ii » Tl There is one point,' sais Pistol, ' in which they ditFer.' "'AVhat'sthatP' sais Di. " * Do you give it up ? ' "'Yes.' " * There the gipsy girls steal poultry ; and here they steal hearts,' and he puts bis left hand oy mistake on his breast, not knowing that the pulsation there indicates that his lungs, and not his gizzard is afiected, and that he is hroken-winded, and not hrokvn-hearted. "'Very good,' every one sais; but still every one hasn't heard it, so it has to be repeated ; and what is worse, as the habits of the gipsies are not known to all, the point has to be explained. " Target sais, ' He will send it to the paper, and put Trig- ger's name to it,* and Pistol says, * That is capital, for if he calls you out, he can't hit you,' and there is a joyous laugh. Oh dear, but a day in the woods is a pleasant thing. For my own part, I must say I quite agree with the hosier, who, when he first went to New Orleens, and saw such a swad of people there, said, he ' didn't onderstand how on earth it was that folks liked to live in a heap that way, altogether, where there was no com to plant, and no bears to kill.' '"My, oh my!' sais Miss Letitia, or Letkissyou, as Pistol used to call her. People ought to be careful what names they give their children, so as folks can't fasten nicknames on 'em. Before others the girls called her Letty, and that's well enough ; but sometimes they would call her Let, which is the devil. If a man can't give a pretty fortune to his child, he can give it a pretty name at any rate. " There waa a very large family of Cards wunst to Slickville. They were mostly in the stage-coach and livery-stable lino, and careless, reckless sort of people. So one day, Squire Zenas Card had a christenin' at his house. " Sais the Minister, ' what shall I call the child ? * " ' Pontius Pilate,' said he. " * I can't,' said the Minister, ' and I won't. No soul ever heerd of such a name for a Christian since baptism came in fashion.' " ' I am sorry for that,' said the )Squire. * for it's a mighty pretty name. 1 heard it once in churcli uud I thought if ever M 202 GIPSEYING. I had a son I'de call him after him ; but if I can't have that— and it's a dreadful pity — call him Trump ; ' and he was clirist- eneued Trump Card. " ' Oh m\ !' sais Miss Letitia, lispin', ' Captain De la Cour has smashed my bonnet, see, he is setting upon it. Did you ever ? ' " ' Never,' said Di, * he has converted your cottage bonnet into a country seat, I do declare!' " Evervbody exclaimed, ' That is excellent,' and Kussei said, * Capital, by Jove.' " ' That kind of thing,' said De la Cour, ' is more honoured in the breach than the observance ; ' and winked to Target. "Miss Di is an inveterate punster, so she returns to tlie charge. " '• Letty, what fish is that, the name of which would express all you said about your bonnet ? — do you give it up ? A bon- net-o,' (Boneto). *' ' Well, I can't fathom that,' sais De la Cour. " * I don't wonder at thct,' sais the invincible Di ; 'it is be- yond your depth, for it is an ont-of-soundinffs fish.' " Poor De la Cour, you had better let her alone, she is too many guns for you. Scratch your head, for your curls and your name are all that you have to be proud of. Let her alone, she is wicked, and she is meditating a name for you and Pistol that will stick to you as long as you live, she has it on the tip of her tongue — 'The babes in the wood.' " Now for the basket? — now for the spread. The old gen- tlemen break up their Lloyds' meeting — the old ladies break up their scandal club — the young ladies and their beaux are bi.gy in arrangements, and though the cork-screws are no- where to be founi. Pistol has Irs in one of the many pockets of his woodsman's coat, he never goes without it (like one of his mother's waiters), which he calls his young man's best com- panion ; and which another, who was a year in an attorney's office, while waiting for his commission, calls the crown circuit assistant ; and a third, who has just arrived in a steamer, desig- nates as the screw propeller. It was a sensible provision, and Miss Di said, * a corkscrew and a pocket-pistol were better suited to him than a rifle,' and every one said it was a capital joke that — for everybody likes a shot that don't hit themselves. " ' How tough tlie goose is I' sais G soft. ' I can't carve it.' " ' Ah ! ' sais ui, ' when Greek meets Greek, then comes the tug of w^ar.' " Eating and talking lasts a good while, but they don't last for ever. The ladies leave the gentlemen to commence their smoking and finish their drinking, and presently there is a loud GIPSEYING. 203 laugh ; it's more than a laugh, it's a roar; and the ladies turn round and wonder. " Letty saia, * Wlien the wine is in, the wit is out.' " ' True,' sais Di, ' the wine is there, but when you left them the wit went out.' " ' Rather severe,' said Letty. " ' Not at all,' sais Di, * for I was with you.' " It is the last shot of poor Di. Slie won't take the trouble to talk well for ladies, and those horrid Mudges have a party on purpose to take away all the pleasant men. She never ])a88ed so stupid a day. She hates pic-nies, and will never go to one again. De la Cour is a fool, and is as full of airs as a niglit- hawk is of feathers. Pistol is a bore ; Target is botli poor and stingy ; Trigger thinks more of himself than anybody else ; and as for Or soft, he is a goose. She will never speak to Pippen again for not coming. They are a poor set of devils in the gar- rison ; she is glad they are to have a new regiment. "Letty hasn't enjoyed herself either, she has been de- voured by black flies and musquitoes, and has got her feet wet, and is so tired she can't go to the ball. The sleeping partner of the head of the firm is out of sorts, too. Her crony-gossip gav o her a sly poke early in the day, to show her she recollected when she was young (not that she is so old now either, for she knows the grave gentleman who visits at her house is said to like the mother better than the daughter), but before she was mar- ried, and friends who have such wonderful memories are not very pleasant companions, though it don't do to have them for enemies. But then, poor thing, and she consoles herself with the idea the poor thing has daughters herself, and they are as ugly as sin, and not half so agreeable. But it isn't that alto- gether. Sarah Matilda should not have gone wandering out of hearing with the captain, and she must give her a piece of her mind about it, for there is a good deal of truth in the old say- ing, * If the girls won't run after the men, the men will run after them ; ' so she calls out loudly, ' Sarah Matilda, my love, come here, dear,' and Sarah Matilda knows when the honey is pio- duced, physic is to be taken ; but she knows she is under observ- ation, and so she flies to her dear mamma, with the feet and face of an angel, and they gradually withdraw. " ' Dear ma, how tired you look.' " ' I am not tired, dear.' "'Well, you don't look well; is anything the matter with you?' " * I didn't say I wasn't well, and it's very rude to remark on one's looks that way.' i* ! I • H I 201< GIPSEYING. I I " ' Something seems to have put you out of sorts, ma, I will run and call pa. Deai* me, I feel frightened. Shall I ask Mrs Bawdon for her salts ? ' " * You know very well what's the matter ; it's. Captain De la Cour.' " ' AVell, now, how strange,' said Sarah Matilda. * I told him he had better go and walk with you ; I wanted him to do it ; I told him you liked attention. Yes, I knew you would be an- gry, but it isn't my fault. It ain't, indeed.' " ' Well, I am astonished,' replies the horrified mother. ' I never in all my life. So you told him I liked attention. I, your mother, your father's wife, with my position in societee; and pray what an8>srer did he make to this strange conduct ? ' " * He said, No wonder, you were the handsomest woman in town, and so agreeable ; the only one fit to talk to.' " ' And you have the face to admit you listened to such stuff? * " ' I could listen all day to it, ma, f^^^ I knew it was true. I never saw you look so lovely, the new bishop has improved your appearance amazingly .' " * Who ? ' said the mother, with an hysterical scream ; * what do you mean ? ' " ' The new bustler, ma.' " * Oh,' said she, quite relieved, ' oh, do you think so ? ' " * But what did you want of me, ma ? ' " * To fasten my gown, dear, there is a nook come undone.' " ' Coming,' she said, in a loud voice. " There was nobody calling, but somebody ought to have call- ed; so she fastens the hook, and files back as fast as she came. " Sarah Matilda, you were not bom yesterday ; first you put your mother on the defensive, and then you stroked her down with the grain, and made her leel good all over, while you es- caped from a scolding you know you deserved. A jealous mother makes an artful daughter. But, Sarah Matilda, one word in your ear. Art ain't cleverness, and cunning ain't understanding. Semblance only answers once ; the second time the door ain't opened to it. " Henrietta is all ".drift, too ; she is an old maid, and Di nick- named her ' the old hen.' She has been shamefully neglected to- day. The young men have been flirting about with those for- ward young girls — children — mere children, and have not had the civility to exchange a wora with her. The old ladies have been whispering gossip all day, and the old gentlemen busy talk- ing about freights, the Fall-catch of mackarel, and ship-building. JS'or could their talk have been solely confined to these subjects, . GirSEYING. 2()'> to- br- lad ave ilk- ng- for once when she approached them, alie heard the head of tlie finn sav : •* * "the * lovely lasa ' must be thrown down and scraped, for she is so foul, and her knees are all gone.' " And so she turned away in disgust. Catch her at a pic-nie again! No, never ! It appears the world is chanijjcd ; g'Vls in her day were never allowed to romp that way, and men used to have some manners. Things have come to a pretty pass ! " ' Alida, is that you. dear ? You look dull.' " * Oh, Henrietta ! I have torn my beautiful thread-lace man- tilla all to rags ; it's ruined for ever. And do you know — oh, / don't know how I shall ever dare to face ma again ! I have lost her beautiful little enamelled watch. Some of these horrid branches have pulled it off the chain.' And Alida cries and is consoled by Henrietta, who is a good-natured creature after all. She tells her for her comfort that nobody should ever think of ■wearing a delicate and expensive lace mantilla in the woods ; she could not expect anything else than to have it destroyed ; and as for exposing a beautiful gold watch outside of her dress, no- body in her senses would have thought of such a thing. Of course she was greatly comforted : kind words and a kind manner will console any one. " It is time now to ro-assemble, and the party are gathered once more ; and the ladies have found their smiles again, and Alida has found her watch ; and there are to be some toasts and some songs before parting. All is jollity once more, anrl the head of the firm and his vigilant partner and the oflficers have all a drop in their eye, and Henrietta is addressed by the junior part- ner, who is a bachelor of about her ovni age, and who assures her he never saw her look better ; and she looks delighted, and is delighted, and thinks a pic-nic not so bad a thing after all. " But there is a retributive justice in this world. Even pic-nic parties havo their moral, and folly itself affords an example from which a wise saw may be extracted. Captain de Courlay addresses her, and after all, he has the manners and appearance of a gentle- man, though it is whispered he is fond of practical jokes, pulls * colt ensigns ' out of bed, makes them go through their sword exercise standing shirtless in their tubs, and so on. There is one redeeming thing in the story, if it be true, he never was known to do it to a young nobleman ; he is too well bred for that. He talks to her of society as it was before good-breeding was re- formed out of the colonies. She is delighted ; but, oh ! was it stupidity, or was it insolence, or was it cruelty ? he asked her if she recollected the Duke of Kent. To be sure it is only fifty- two years since he was here ; but to have recollected him ! How I i ' 200 OIPSEYING. :, r li ! old did he suppose she was ? She bears it well and meekly. It is not the first time she has been painfully reminded she was not young. She says her grandmother often spoke of him as a good oflBcer and a handsome man ; and she laugns, though her heart aches the while, as if it was a good joke to ask her. He backs out as soon as he can. He meant well, though he had expressed himself awkwardly ; but to back out slows you are in the wrong stall, a place you have no business in, and being out, he thinks it as well to jog on to another place. " Ah, Henrietta ! you were unkind to Alida about her lace mantilla and her gold watch, and it has come home to you. You ain't made of glass, and nothing else will hold viutgar longwith- oiit being corroded itself. " Well, tlie toasts are drunk, and the men are not far from being drunk too, and feats of agility are proposed, and they jump up and catch a springing bow, and turn a somerset on it, or over it, and they are cheered and applauded when De Courlay pauses in mid-air for a moment, as if uncertain what to do. Has the bough given way, or was that the sound of cloth rent in twain? Something has gone wrong, for he is greeted with uproarious cheers by the men, and he drops on his feet, and retires from the company as from the presence of royalty, by backing out and bowmg as he goes, repeatedly stumbling, and once or twice fall- ing in his retrograde motion. " Ladies never lose their tact — they ask no questions because they see something is amiss, and though it is hard to subdue curiosity, propriety sometimes restrains it. They join in the general laugh however, for it can be nothing sorious where hia friends make merry with it. When he retires from view, hia health is drank with three times three. Di, who seemed to take pleasure in annoying the spinster, said she had a great mind not to join in that toast, for he was a loose fellow, otherwise he would have rent his heart and not his garments. It is a pity a clever girl like her will let her tongue run that way, for it leads them to say things they ought not. Wit in a woman is a dangerous thing, like a doctor's lancet, it is apt to be employed about mat- ters that offend our delicacy, or hurt our feelings." " ' What the devil is tbat ?' said the head of the firm, looking up, as a few drops of rain fell. ' Why, here is a thunder-shower coming on us as sure as the world. Come, let us pack up and be off' " And the servants are urged to be expeditious, and the sword-knots tumble the glasses into the baskets, and the cold hams atop of them, and break the decanters, to make them stow better, and the head of the firm swears, and the sleeping partner GirSEYINO. 207 Bays she will faint, she coukl never abide thunder; and Di tells her it' she does not want to abide all nijj;ht, she had better move, and a vivid flash of lightning gives notice to quit, and tears and screams attest the notice is received, and the retreat is com- menced ; but alas, the carriages are n mile and a half otf. and the tempest rages, and the rain falls in torrents, and the thun- der stuns them, and the lightning blinds them. "'What's the use of hurrying?' says Di, 'we are now wet through, and our clothes are spoiled, and I think we might take it leisurely. Pistol, take my arm, I am not afraid of you now.' "'Wliy?' " ' Your powder is wet, and you can't go off. You are quite harmless, larget, you had better run." "'AVhy?' " * You will be sure to be hit if you don't — won't he, Trigger ? ' " But Pistol, and Target, and Trigger are alike silent, G sofi has lost his softness, and lets fall some hard terms. Every one holds down his head, why, I can't understand, because be- ing soaked, that attitude can't dry them. " ' Uncle,' says Di, to the head of the firm, ' you a])pear to enjoy it, you are buttoning up your coat as if you wanted to keep the rain in.' " ' I wish you would keep your tongue in,' he said, gruffly. " ' I came for a party of pleasure,' said the unconquerable girl, ' and I think there is great fun in this. Hen, I feel sorry for you, you can't stand the wet as those darling ducks can. Aunt will shake herself directly, and be as dry as an India rubber model.' " Aunt is angry, but can't answer — every clap of thunder makes her scream. Sarah Matilda has lost her shoe, and the water has closed over it, and she can't find it. ' Pistol, where is your corkscrew ? draw it out.' " ' It's all your fault,' sais the sleeping partner to the head of the firm, ' I told you to bring the umbrellas.' " ' It's all yours,' retorts the afflicted husband, ' I told you thuse things were all nonsense, and more trouble than they were worth.' " ' It's all Hen's fault,' said Di, * for we came on purpose to bring her out ; she has never been at a pic-nic before, and it's holidays now. Oh ! the brook has risen, and the planks are gone, we shall have to wade ; Hen, ask those men to go before, I don't like them to see above my ancles.* " ' Catch me at a pic-nic again,' said the terrified spinster. " ' You had better get home from this first, before you talk of another,' sais Di. t\ 20S OirSEYING. " * Oh, Di, Di,' Bald Henrietta, * how can you act so ?' " ' You may say Di, Di, if you please, dear,' said the tor- mentor ; ' but I never say die — and never will while there is life in me. Letty, will vou go to the ball to-night ? we shall catch cold if we don't ; for we have two miles more of the rain to endure in tlie open carriages before we reach the steamer, and we shall be chilled when we cease walking.' " But Letty can do nothing but cry, as if she wasn't wet enough already. '" Good gracious!' sais the head of the house, * the horses have overturned the carriage, broke the pole, and run away.' "' What's the upfiet price of it, I wonder?' sais Di, 'the horses will make ' their election sure ;' they are at the ' head of the jwle, they are returned and they have left no trace behind.' I wish they had taken the rain with them also.' " * It's a pity you wouldn't rein your tongue in also,' said the fractious uncle. " ' Well, I will, Nunky, if you will restrain your clioler. De Courcy, the horses are off at a * smashing pace;' G soft, it's all dickey with us now, ain't it? But that milk-sop, Eussel, is making a noise in his boots, as if he was ^churning butter.' Well, I never enjoyed anything so much as this in my life ; I do wish the Mudges had been here, it is the only thing Avanting to make this pic-nic perfect. What do you say, Target ?' " But Target don't answer, he only mutters between his teeth something that sounds like, 'what a devil thnt girl is!' Nobody minds teasing now; their tempers are subdued, and they arc dull, weary, and silent — dissatisfied with themselves, with each other, and the day of pleasure. " How could it be otherwise ? It is a thing they didn't un- derstand, and had no taste for. They took a deal of trouble to get away from the main road as far as possible; they never penetrated farther into the forest than to obtain a shade, and there eat an uncomfortable cold dinner, sitting on the ground, had an ill-assorted party, provided no amusements, were thoroughly bored, and drenched to the skin — and this some people call a day in the bush. " There is an old proverb, that has a bidden meaning in it, that is applicable to this sort of thing — * As a man calleth in the zcoods, so it shall be answered to him.'' " THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. 200 CHAPTEE XYI. THE WOBLD BUFOBE THE ElOOD. We made another attempt at walking on the deck — the moon was trying to struggle through the fog, which was now of a bright copper colour. "Doctor," said I, "have you ever seen a yellow fog be- fore?" " Yes," he said, " I have seen a white, black, red, and yel- low fog," and went oflf into a disquisition about optics, mediums, reflections, refractions, and all sorts of scientific terms. "Well, I don't like hard words ; when you crack them, which is plaguy tough work, you have to pick the kernel out with a cambric needle, and unless it's soaked in wine, like the heart of a hickory nut is, it don't taste nice, and don't pay you for the trouble. So to change the subject, " Doctor," sais I, " how long is this everlasting muUatto lookin* fog a goin' to last, f(»r it ain't white, and it ain't black, but kind of betwixt and be- tween." Sais he, and he stopped and listened a moment, " It will be gone by twelve o'clock to-night." " "What makes you think so ?" said I. " Do you hear that ?" said he. " Yes," sais I, " I do ; it's children a playin' and a chatterin' in French. Now it's nateral they should talk French, seein' their parents do. They call it their mother-tongue, for old wives are like old bosses, they are all tongue, and when their teeth is gone, that unruly member grows thicker and bigger, for it has a larger bed to stretch out in, — not that it ever sleeps much, but it has a larger sphere of action, — do you take? I don't know whether you have had this feeling of surprise, Doctor, but I have, hearing those little imps talk French, when, to save my soul, I can't jabber it that way myself. In course of nature they must talk that lingo, for they are quilted in French — kissed in French — fed in French — and put to bed in French, — and told to pray to the Virgin in French, for that's the language she loves best. She knows a great many languages, but she can't speak English since Henry the Eighth's time, when she said to him, 'You be fiddled,' which meant, the Scotch should come with their fiddles and rule England. " Stm somehow I feel strange when these little critters ad- 14 ■■■■i I f ; ; w I,' I ■ 210 THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. dress me in it, or when 'vomen use it to me (tho' I don't mind that so much, for there are certain freemason signs the fair sex understand all over the world), but the men puzzle me like Old Scratch, and I often say to myself, "What a pit^ it is the critters can't speak English. I never pity myself for not being able to jabber French, but I blush for their ignorance. However, all this is neither here nor there. Now, Doctor, how can you tell this fog is booked for the twelve o'clock train? Is there a Brad- shaw for weather?" " Yes," said he, " there is, do you hear that ?" " I don't hear nothing," saia I, " but two Frenchmen ashore a jawing like mad. One darsen't, and t'other is afraid to fight, so they are taking it out in gab — they ain't worth listening to. How do they tell you the weather ? " "Oh," said he, "it ain't them. Do you hear the falls at my lake ? the west wind brings that to us. When I am there and the rote is on the beach, it tells me it is the voice of the south wind giAdng notice of rain. All nature warns me. The swallow, the pig, the goose, the fire on the hearth, the soot in the flue, the smoke of the chimney, the rising and setting sun, the white frost, the stars — all, all tell me." "Yes," sais I, "when I am to home I know all them signs." " The spider too is my guide, and the ant also. But the little pimpernel, the poor man's weather-glass, and the convol- vulus are truer than any barometer, and a glass of water never lies." " Ah, Doctor," said X, " you and I read and study the same book. I don't mean to assert we are, as Sorrow says, nateral children, but we are both children of nature, and honour our parents. I agree with you about the fog, but I wanted to see if you could answer signals with me. I am so glad you have come on board. You want amusement, I want instruction. I will swap stories with you for bits of your wisdom, and as you won't take boot, I shall be a great gainer." After a good deal of such conversation, we went below, and in due season turned in, in a place where true comfort consists in oblivion. The moining, as the doctor predicted, was clear, the fog was gone, and the little French village lay before us in all the beauty of ugliness. The houses were small, unpainted, and uninviting. Fish-flakes were spread on the beach, and the women were busy in turning the cod upon them. Boats were leaving the shore for the fishing-ground. Each of these was manned by two or three or four hands, who made as much noise as if they were getting a vessel under weigh, and were THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. 211 them w, and onsists ar, the J in all jd, and nd the s were se was much Id were Beverally giving orders to each other with a rapidity of utter- ance that no people but Frenchmen are capable of. " Every nation," said the doctor, " has its peculiarity, but the French Acadians excel all others in their adnerence to their own ways ; and in this particular, the Chesencookers surpass even their own countrjrmen. The men all dress alike, and the women all dress alike, as you will presently see, and always have done so within the memory of man. A round, short jacket which scarcely covers the waistcoat, trowsers that seldom reach below the ankle-joint, and yam stockings, all four being blue, and manufactured at home, and apparently dyed in the same tub, with moccasins for the feet, and a round fur or cloth cap to cover the head, constitute the uniform and unvaried dress of the men. The attire of the women is equally simple. The short gown which reaches to the hip, and the petticoat which serves for a skirt, both made of coarse domestic cloth, having perpen- dicular blue and white stripes, constitute the diiference of dress that marks the distinction of the sexes, if we except a handker- chief thrown over the head, and tied under the chin, for the blue stockings and the moccasins are common to both, males and females. " There has been no innovation for a century in these par- ticulars, unless it be that a hat has found its way into Chesen- cook, not that such a stove-pipe looking thing as that has any beauty in it ; but the boys of Halifax are not to be despised, if a hat is, and even an ourang-outang, if he ventured to walk about the streets, would have to submit to wear one. But the case is diiSerent with women, especially modest, discreet, unob- trusive ones, like those of the ' long-snore French.' They are stared at because they dress like those in the world before the Flood, but it's an even chance if the antediluvian damsels were half so handsome ; and what pretty girl can find it in her heart to be very angry at attracting attention ? Tes, their simple manners, their innocence, and their sex are their protection. But no cap, bonnet, or ribbon, velvet, muslin, or lace, was ever seen at Chesencook. Whether this neglect of finery (the love of which is so natural to their countrywomen in Europe) arises from a deep-rooted veneration fo/ the ways of their predecessors, or from the sage counsel of their spiritual instructors, who de- sire to keep them from the contamination of the heretical world around them, or from the conviction that ' The adorning thee with so much art Is but a barbarous skill, 'Tis like the barbing of a dart, Too apt before to kill,' i i I Ml 212 THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. I know not. Such however is the fact novcrtliclrHH, niul you ought to record it, as an instance in which thcv hnvt; nliown their superiority to this universal weakness. Still, both men and women are decently and comfortably clad. Thm; is no such thing as a ragged Acadian, and I never yet saw one begging his bread. Some people are distinguished for their industry, others for their idleness; some for their inj^enuity, and others for their i)atience; but the great characteristic of an Acadiiin is talk, and his talk is, from its novelty, amusing and instructive, even in its nonsense. •' These people live close to the banks where cod are found, and but little time is recjuireo in proceeding to the scene of their labour, therefore there is no necessity for being in a hurry, and there is lots of time for palaver. Every boat has an oracle in it, who speaks with an air of authoritv. He is a great talker, and a great smoker, and he chats so skilfully, that he enjoys his pipe at the same time, and manages it so as not to interrupt his jabbering. He can smoke, talk, and row at once. Ho don't smoke fast, for that puts his pipe out by consuming his tobacco ; nor row fast, for it fatigues him." " Exactly," sais I, '* but the tongue, I suppose, havmg, like a clock, a locomotive power of its own, goes like one of ray wooden ones for twenty-four hours without ceasing, and like one of them also when it's e'en amost worn-out and up in years, goes at the rate of one hundred minutes to the hour, strikes without counting the number, and gives good measure, banging away often twenty times at one o'clock." Every boat now steered for the "Black Hawk," and the oracle stopped talking French to practise English. " How you do, Sare? now you do your wife?" said Lewis Le Blanc, ad- dressing me. " I have no wife." " No wife, ton pee ? "WTio turn your fish for you, den ? " "Whereat they all laugh, and all talk French again. And oracle says, ' He takes his own eggs to market, den.' He don't laugh at that, for wits never laugh at their own jokes ; but the rest snicker till they actiUy scream. " What wind are we going to have, Lewis ? ' Oracle stands up, carefully surveys the sky, and notices all the signs, and then looks wise, and answers in a way that there can be no mistake. " Now you see, Sare, if de wind blow off de shore, den it will be west wind ; if it blow from de sea, den it will be east wind; and if it blow down coast," pointing to each quarter with his hand like a weather-cock, " den it will sartaiii be sout ; and up de coast, den you will be sartain it will TIIK WOULD DEFOltfi THE FLOOD. 213 como from do nort. I never knew dat sipn fail." And he takes Ihh i)i|M> fmiii his mouth, knocks some nshes out of it, and spita in tiiu wal«T, nn much au to say. Now 1 am ready to swear to that. Anil well he may, for it amounts to this, that the wind will bh>w from any quarter it comes from. The other three all regard him with as much respect as if he was clerk of the weatluT. "Interesting people these. Doctor," said I, "ain't they? It's the world before the Flood. I wonder if they know how to trade ? Barter was the primitive traiUck. Com was given for oil, and fish for honey, and sheep and goats for oxen and horses, and HO on. There is a good deal of trickery in barter, too. for necessity has no laws. The value of money we know, and a thing is worth what it will fetch in cash ; but swapping is a diflercnt matter. It's a horse of a different colour." " You will find," said the doctor, " the men (I except the other sex always) are as acute as you are at a bargain. You are more like to be bitten than to bite if you try that game with them." " liet vou a dollar," pais I, " I sell that old coon as easy as a clock. What, a Chesencooker a match for a Yankee! Come, I like that ; that is good. Here goes for a trial, at any rate. " Mounsheer," sais I, " have you any wood to seU ? " We didn't need no wood, but it don t do to begin to ask for what you want, or you can't do nothin'. " Yes," said he. "What's the price," said I, "cash down on the nail?" for I knew the critter would see " the point " of coming down with the blunt. "It's ten dollars and a half," said he, "a cord at Halifax, and it don't cost me nothin' to carry it there, for I have my own shallop — but I will sell it for ten dollars to oblige you." That was just seven dollars more than it was worth. " Well," sais I, " that's not high, only cash is scarce. If you will take mackarel in pay, at six dollars a barrel (which was two dollars more than its value), p'raps we might trade. Could you sell me twenty cord?" " Yes, may be twenty-five." "And the mackarel ?" said I. " Oh," said he, " mackarel is only worth three dollars and a half at Halifax. I can't sell mine even at that. I have sixty barrels, number one, for sale." " If yoii will promise me to let me have all the wood I want, more or less," sais I, " even if it is ever so little ; or as much as thirty cords, at ten dollars a cord, real rock maple, and yellow I i su THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. birch, then I will take all jour mackarel at three and a half dollars, money down." " Say four," said he. " No," sais I, "you say you can't git but three and a half at Halifax, and I won t beat you down, nor advance one cent my- Holf. But mind, if I oblige you by buying all your mackarel, you must oblige me by letting me have all the wood / want." " Done," said he ; so we warped into the wharf, took the fish on hoard, and I paid him the money, and cleared fifteen pounds by the operation. " Now," says I, " where is the wood ? " " All this is mine," said he, pointing to a pile, containing about fifty cords. " Can I have it all," said I, " if I want it ?" He took cfl' his cap and scratched his head ; scratching helps a man to think amazingly. He thought he had better ask a little more than ten dollars, as I appeared to be so ready to buy ttt any price. So he said, " X es, you may have it all at ten and a half dollars." " I thought you said I might have what I wanted at ten." " Well, I have changed my mind," said he, " it is too low." " And so have I," sais I, " I won't trade with a man that acts that way," and I went on board, and the men cast ofl' and began to warp the vessel again up to her anchor. Lewis took off his cap and began scratching his head again, he had over-reached himself. Expecting an immense profit on his wood, he had sold his fish very low ; he saw I was in earnest, and jumped on board. " Capitaine, you will have him at ten, so much as you want of him." " "Well, measure me off half a cord." "What!" said he, opening both eyes to their full extent. " Measure me off half a cord." " Didn't you say you wanted twenty or thirty cord?" " No," sais I, " I said I must have that much if I wanted it, but I don't want it, it is only worth three dollars, and you have had the modesty to ask ten, and then ten and a half, but I will take half a cord to please you, so measure it off." He stormed, and raved, and swore, and threw his cap down on the deck and jumped on it, and stretched out his arm as if he was going to fight, and stretched out his wizzened face, as if it made halloing easier, and foamed at the mouth like a boss that has eat lobelia in his hay. "Be gar," he said, "I shall sue you before the common THE WOULD BEFOKE THE FLOOD. 215 half Bcoundrclii (council) nt Halifnx, I iihall take it bt'fore tlic iprrm (auprcmc) court, and trt/ it out." " How much He will you get," fiaia I, "by /ryi/i' me out, do you think ? " Never mind," said T, in a loud voice, and lookitij; over him at the r.iate, and pretending to auBWcr him, ** Xevcr mind if ho won't Ro on shore, ho is welcome to stay, ard we will land him cm the Isle of Sable, and catch a wild hosstor him to swim home on." The hint was electrical ; he picked up his cap and ran nt't, and with one desperate leap nmched the wharf in Hafcty, when he turned and danced as before with rage, and IjIh last audible words were, " Be gar, I shall go to the ftpemi court and try it out." " In the world before the Flood, you see, Doctor," said I, " they knew how to cheat as well as the present race do ; the onlv improvement this fellow has made on the antediluvian race is, he can take himself in, as well as others." " I have often thought," said the doctor, " that in our deal- ings in life, and particularly in trading, a ditficult question must often arise whether a thing, notwithstanding the world sanctions it, is lawful and right. Now what is your idea of smuggling ?" "I never smuggled," said I: "I nave sometimes imported goods and didn't pay the duties ; not that I wanted to smuggle, but because I hadn't time to go to the oflBce. It's a good deal of trouble to go to a custom-house. When you get there you are sure to be delayed, and half the time to git sarce. It coats a good deal ; no one thanks you, and nobody defrays cab-hire, and makes up for lost time, temper, and patience to you — it don't pay in a general way ; sometimes it will ; for instance, when I left the embassy, I made thirty thousand pounds of your money by one operation. Lead was scarce in our market, and very high, and the duty was one-third of the prime cost, as a protection to the n&tive article. So what does I do, but go to old Galena, one of the greatest dealers in the lead trade in Great Britain, and ascertained the wholesale price. " Saia I, ' I want five hundred thousand dollars worth of lead.' " ' That is an immense order,' said he, * Mr Slick. There is no market in the world that can absorb so much at once.' " ' The loss will be mine,' said I. ' What deductions will you make it' I take it all from your house ?' " Well, he came down handsome, and did the thing genteel. " * Now,' sais I, ' will you let one of your people go to my cab, and bring a mould I have there.' " Well, it was done. " ' There,' said I, * is a large bust of AVashington. Every citizen of the United States ought to have one, if he has a dust I I 1 1 21G THE WORLD HEFORE THE FLOOD. t \ s I of patriotism in him. I must have the lead cast into rough busts like that.' " ' Hollow,' said he, * of course.' " ' No, no,' sais I, ' by no manner of means, the heavier and solider the better.' " ' But,' said Galena, * Mr Slick, excuse me, though it is against my own interest, I cannot but suggest you might find a ciicjaper material, and one more smtable to your very laudable object.' " ' Not at all,' said I, ' lead is the very identical thing. If a man don't like the statue and its price, and it's like as not he wont, he will like the lead. There is no duty on statuary, but there is more tlian thirty per cent, on lead. The duty alone is a fortune of not less than thirty thousand pounds, after all ex- penses are paid.' " ' Well now,' said he, throwing back his head and laughing, * that is the most ingenious device to evade duties I ever heard It -, ''' I immediately gave orders to my agents at Liverpool to send G many tons to Washington and every port and place on the sea- board of the United States except New York, but not too many to a ly one town ; and then I took passage in a steamer, and or- dered all my agents to close the consignment immediately, and let tlie lead hero change hands. It was generally allowed to be the handsomest operation ever performed in our country. Con- necticut ofiered to send me to Congress for it, the folks felt so proud of me. " But I don't call that smugglin'. It is a skilful reading of a revenue law. My idea of smugglin' is, there is the duty, and there is the penalty ; pay one and escape the other if you like, if not, run your chance of the penalty. If the state wants re- venue, let it collect its dues, if I want my debts got in, I at- tend iv drummin'them up together myself; let government do the same. There isn't a bit of harm in smugglin'. I don't like a law restraining liberty. Let them that impose shackles look to the bolts ; that's my idea." " That argument won't hold water, Slick," said the doctor. "Why?" *' Because it is ns fuU of holes as a cullender.' "How?" *' The obligation between a government and a people is reci- procal. To protect on the one hand, and to support on the other. Taxes are imposed, first, for the maintenance ot the government, and secondly, for such other objects as are deemed necessary or expedient. The moment goods are imported, which are subject THE WORLD BEFORK THE FLOOD. 217 3tor. reci- klier. lent, Irv or Ibject to such exactions, the amount of the tax is a debt due to the state, the evasion or denial of which is a fraud. The penalty is not au alternative at your option ; it is a punisliment, and that always presupposes an offence. There is no difference between defraud- ing the state or an individual. Corporeality, cr ineorporeality, has nothing to do with the matter." " Well," sais I, " Domine Doctor, that doctrine of implicit obedience to the government won't hold water neither, other- wise, if you had lived in Cromwell's time, you would have to have assisted in cutting the king's head off, or fight in an unjust war, or a thousand other wicked but legal things. I believe every tub must stand on its own bottom ; general rules won't do. Take each separate, and judge of it by itself." " Exactly," sais the doctor ; " try that in law and see how it would work. No two cases would be decided alike ; you'd be adrift at once, and a drifting ship soon touches bottom. No, that won't hold water. Stick to general principles, and if a thing is an exception to the rule, put it in Schedule A or B, and you know where to look for it. General rules are fixed prin- ciples. But ycu are only talking for talk sake ; I know you are. Do you think now that merchant did right to aid you in evad- ing the duty on your leaden Washingtons ? " " AVhat the plague had he to do with our revenue laws ? They don't bind him," sais I. " No," said the doctor, "bUt there is a higher law than the statutes of the States or of England either, and that is the moral law. In aiding you, he made the greatest sale of lead ever ef- fected at once in England ; the profit on that was his share of the smuggling. But you are omy drayying me out to see what I am made of. You are an awful man for a bam. There goes old Lewis in his fishing boat," sais he. " Look at him shaking his fist at vou. Do you hear him jabbering away about trying it out in the * sperm court ? ' " " I'll make him draw his fist in, I know," sais I. So I seized my rifle, and stepped behind the mast, so that he could not see me ; and as a large grey gull was passing over his boat high up in the air, I fired, and down it fell on the old coon's head so heavily and so suddenly, he thought he was shot ; and he and the others set up a yell of fright and terror that made everybody on board of the little fleet of coasters that were anchored round us, combine in three of the heartiest, merriest, and loudest cheers I ever heard. " Try that out in the sperm court, you old bull-frog," sais I. "I guess there is more ile to be found in that fishy gentleman than in me." " Well," sais I, " Doctor, to get back to what wu B! N 1 218 THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. was a talking of. It's a tight squeeze sometimes to scrouge between a lie and a truth in business, ain't it ? The passage is 80 narrow, if you don't take care it will rip your trowser but- tons off in spite of you. Fortunately I am thin, and can do it like an eel, squirmey fashion ; but a stout, awkward fellow is most sure to be catcned. " I shall never forget a rise I once took out of a set of jockeys at Albany. I had an everlastin' fast Naraganset pacer once to Slickville, one that I purchased in Mandarin's place. I was con- siderable proud of him, I do assure you, for he took the rag off the bush m great style. Well, our stable-help, Pat Monaghan (him I used to call Mr Monaghan), would stuff him with fresh clover without me knowing it, and as sure as rates, I broke his wind in driving him too fast. It gave him the heaves, that is, it made his flanks heave like a blacksmith's bellows. AVe call it ' heaves,' Britishers call it ' broken wind.' Well, there is no cure for it, though some folks tell you a hornet's nest cut up fine and put in their meal will do it, and others say sift the oats clean and give them juniper berries in it, and that will do it, or f'ound ginger, or tar, or what not ; but these are all quackeries, ou can't cure it, for it's a ruption of an air vessel, and you can't get at it to sew it up. But you can fix it up by diet and care, and proper usage, so that you can deceive even an old hand, providin' you don't let him ride or drive the beast too fast. " Well, I doctored and worked with him so, the most that could be perceived was a slight cold, nothin' to mind, much less frighten you. And when I got him up to the notch, I adver- tised him for sale, as belonging to a person going down east, who only parted with him because he thought him too heavey for a man who never travelled less than a mile in two minutes and twenty seconds. Well, he was sold at auction, and knocked down to Rip Van Dam, the Attorney-General, for five hundred dollars ; and the owner put a saddle and bridle on him, and took a bet of two hundred dollars with me, he could do a mile in two miautes, fifty seconds. He didn't know me from Adam parson- ally, at the time, but he had heard of me, and bought the horse because it was said Sam Slick owned him. " Well, he started off, and lost his bet ; for when he got near the winnin'-post the horse choked, fell, and pitched the rider off half-way to Troy, and nearly died himself. The umpire handed me the money, and I dug out for the steam-boat intendin' to pull foot for home. Just as I reached the wharf, I heard my name called out, but I didn't let on I noticed it, and walked a-head. Presently, Van Dam seized me by the shoulder, quite out of breath, puffin' and blowin' like a porpoise. 13 THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. 219 " 'Mr Slick r" said he. " * Yes,' sais I, * what's left of me ; but good gracious/ sais I, 'you have got tu 'heaves.' I hope it ain't catchin'.' " * No I haven't,' said he, * but your cussed boss has, and nearly broke my neck. Tou are like all the Connecticut men I ever see, a nasty, mean, long-necked, long-legged, narrow- chested, slab-sided, narrow-souled, lantem-jawed, Yankee cheat.' " ' Well,' sais I, * that's a considerable of a long name to write on the back of a letter, ain't it ? It ain't good to use such a swad of words, it's no wonder you have the heaves ; but I'll cure you ; I wam't brought up to wranglin' ; I hain't time to fight you, and besides,' said I, ' you aje broken- winded ; but I'll chuck you over the wharf into the river to cool you, boots and all, by gravy.' " * Didn't you advertise,' said he, ' that the only reason you had to part with that horse was, that he was too heavy for a man who never travelled slower than a mile in two minutes and twenty seconds ? ' " ' Never ! ' sais I, ' I never said such a word. "What will you bet I did?' "'Fifty dollars,' said he. " * Done,' said I. * And, Vanderbelt — (he was just going on board the steamer at the time) — Vanderbelt,' sais I, ' hold these stakes. Friend,' sais I, ' I won't say you lie, but you talk un- commonly like the way I do when I lie. Now prove it.' " And he puUed out one of my printed advertisements, and said, ' Eead that.' " Well, I read it. * It ain't there,' said I. " 'Ain't it ?' said he. * I leave it to Vanderbelt.* " ' Mr Slick,' said he, ' you have lost — it is here.' " * Will you bet fifty dollars,' said I, ' though you have seen it, that it's there ? ' "'Ye8,'saidhe, *IwiU.' " ' Done,' said I. ' Now how do you spell heavy ?' " ' H-e-a-v-y,' said he. " * Exactly,' sais I ; ' so do I. But this is spelt heav-ey. I did it on purpose. I scorn to take a man in about a horse, so I published his defect to all the world. I said he was too heavey for harness, and so he is. He ain't worth fifty doUars — I wouldn't take him as a gift — he ain't worth von dam^ " ' Well, I did see that,' said he, ' but I thought it was an error of the press, or that the owner couldn't spell.' " ' Oh ! ' sais I, ' don't take me for one of your Dutch boors, I beg of you. I can spell, but you can't read, that's all. You I: '- i 220 THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. remind mo,' sais I, * of a feller in Slickville when the six-cent letter stamps came in fashion. He licked the stamp so hard, he took a)l the gum off, and it wouldn't stay on, no how he could fix it, so what does he do but put a pin through it, and \>Tite8 on the letter, " Paid, if the darned thing will only stick." Now, it you go and lick the stamp etarnally that way, folks will put a pin through it, and the story will stick to you for ever and ever. But come on board, and let's liquor, and I will stand treat.' " I felt sorry for the poor critter, and I told him how to feed the horse, and advised him to take him to Saratoga, adver- tise him, and sell him the same way ; and he did, and got rid of him. The rise raised his character as a la\iTer amazing. He v» as elected governor next year ; a sell like that is the making of a lawyer. "Now I don't call the lead Washingtons nor the Jieavey horse either on 'em a case of cheat ; but I do think a man ought to know how to read a law and how to read an advertisement, don't you ? But come, let us go ashore, and see how the galls look, for you have raised my curiosity." We accordingly had the boat lowered ; and taking Sorrow with us to see if he could do anything in the caterir g line, the doctor. Cutler, and myself landed on the beach, and walked round the settlement. The shore was covered with fish flakes, which sent up an aroma not the most agreeable in the world except to those who lived there, and they, I do suppose, snuff up the breeze as if it was loaded with wealth and smelt of the Gold Coast. But this was nothing (although I don't think I ''an ever eat dum fish again as long as I live) to the effluvia arising from decomposed heaps of sea-wood, which had been gathered for manure, and was in the act of removal to the fields. No words can describe this, and I leave it to your imagination, Squire, to form an idea of a new perfume in nastiness that has never yet been appreci- ated but by an Irishman. I heard a Paddy once, at Halifax, describe the wreck of a carriage which had been dashed to pieces. He said there was not "a smell of it left." Poor fellow, he must have landed at Chesencook^ find removed one of those oloriferous heaps, as Sor- row called them, and borrowed the metaphor from it, that there was not "a smell of it left." On the beach between the "flakes" and the water, were smaller heaps of the garbage of the cod-fish and mackarel, on which the grey and white gulls fought, screamed, and gorged themselves, while on the bar were the remains of several enormous black fish, half the size of whales, THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. 221 which had hccn driven on shore, and hauled up out of the rencli of the waves by strong ox teams. The heads and livers of tlu'so huf^e monsters had been *^ fried out in the Sperm eourt" for ih% and the putrid remains of the carcass were disputed for by pii;s and crows. The discordant noises of these hungry birds and beasts were perfectly deafening. On the right-hand side of the harbour, boys and girls waded out on the flats to dig clams, and were assailed on all sides by the screams of wild fowl who resented the invasion of their ter- ritory, and were replied to in tones no less shrill and unintelli- gible. On the left was the wTeck of a large ship, which had perished on the coast, and left its ribs and keleton to bleach on the shore, as if it had failed in the vain attempt to reach the forest from which it had sprung, and to repose in death in ita native valley. From one of its masts, a long, loose, solitary shroud was pendant, having at its end a large double block at- tached to it, on which a boy was seated, and swung backward and forward. He was a little saucy urchin, of about twelve years of age, dressed in striped homespun, and had on his head a red yarn clackmutch, that resembled a cap of liberty. He seemed quite happy, and sung a verse of a French song with an air of conscious pride and defiance as ; ; * -nother, stick in hand, stood before him, and at the top of her voice now threatened him with the rod, his father, and the priest — and then treach" erously coaxed him with a promise to take him to Halifax, where he should see the great chapel, hear the big beU, and look at the bishop. A group of little girls stared in amaze- ment at his courage, but trembled when they heard his mother predict a broken neck — purgatory — and the devil as his portion. The dog was as excited as the boy — he didn't bark, but he whimpered as he gazed upon him, as if he would like to jump up and be with him, or to assure him he would catch him if he fdl, if he had but the power to do so. What a picture it was — the huge wreck of that that once "walked the waters as a thing of life" — the merry boy — the anxious mother — the trembling sisters — the affectionate dog ; what bits of church-yard scenes were here combined — children playing on the tcuibs — the young and the old — the merry and the aching heart — the living among the dead. Far beyond this were tall figures wading in the water, and seeking their food in the shallows ; cranes, who felt the impunity that the superstition of the simple hahitans had extended to them, and sought their daily meal in peace. Above the beach and parallel with it, ran a main road, on the upper side of which were the houses, and on a swelling ,■ 222 THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. mound behind them rose the spire of the chape! visible far off in the Atlantic, a sacred signal-post for the guidance of the poor coaster. As soon as you reacn this street or road and look around you, you feel at once you are in a foreign country and a land of strangers. The people; their dress, and their language, the houses, their form and appearance, the implements of hus- bandry, their shape an'? construction — all that you hear and see is unlike anything else. It is neither above, beyond, or behind the age. It is the world before the Flood. I have sketched it for you, and I think without bragging I may say I can take things off to the life. Once I drawed a mutton chop so nateral, my dog broke his teeth in tearing the panel to pieces to get at it ; and at another time I painted a shingle so like stone, when I threw it into the water, it sunk right kerlash to the bottom. " Oh, Mr Slick," said the doctor, " let me get away from here. I can't bear the sight of the sea-coast, and above all, of this offensive place. Let us get into the woods where we can enjoy ourselves, Ycu have never witnessed what I have lately, and I trust in God you never will. I have seen within this month two hundred dead bodies on a beach in every possible shape of disfiguration and decomposition — mangled, mutilated, and dismembered corpses ; male and female, old and yoimg, the •prey of fishes, birds, beasts, and, what is worse, of human beings. The wrecker had been there — whether he was of your country or mine I know not, but I fervently hope he belonged to neithei*. Oh, I have never slept sound since. The screams of the birds terrify me, and yet what do they do but follow the instincts of their nature ? They batten on the dead, and if they do feed on the living, G-od has given them animated beings for their susten- ance, as he has the fowls of the air, the fishes of the sea, and the beasts of the field to us, but they feed not on each other, Man, man alone is a cannibal. What an awful word that is !" " Exactly," sais I, " for he is then below the canine species — 'dog won't eat dog.' * The wrecker lives not on those who die, but on those whom he slays. The pirate has courage at least to boast of, he risks his life to rob the ship, but the other at- tacks the helpless and unarmed, and spares neither age nor sex in his thirst tor plunder. I don't mean to say we are worse on this side of the Atlantic than the other, Q-od forbid. I believe we are better, for the American people are a kind, a feeling, and a humane race. Bui avarice hardens the heart, and distress, when it comes in a mtiss, overpowers pity for the individual, • This homely adag;e is far more expressive than the Latin one : — " Parcit Cognates maculis, similis fera." — Juv. g2 u< THE WORLD BEFORE THE FLOOD. 228 ■while inability to aid a multitude induces a carelessness to assist any. A whole community will rush to the rescue of a drowning man, not because his purse can enrich them all (that is too dark a view of human nature), but because he is the sole object of interest. When there are hundreds struggling for life, few of whom can be saved, and when some wretches are solely bent on booty, the rest, regardless of duty, rush in for their share also, and the ship and her cargo attract all. When the wreck is plundered, tne transition to rifling the dying and the dead is not difficult, and cupidity, when once sharpened by success, brooks no resistance, for the remonstrance of conscience is easily silenced where supplication is not even heard. Avarice benumbs the feelings, and when the heart is hardened, man be- coD^es a mere beast of prey. Oh this scene afflicts me — let us move on. These poor people have never yet been suspected of such atrocities, and surely they were not perpetrated in the xcorld before the Flood.** CHAPTEE XVII. LOST AT SEA. " I BELIEVE, Doctor," sais I, " we have seen all that is worth notice here, let us go into one of their houses and ascertain if there is anything for Sorrow's larder; but. Doctor," sais I, "let us first find out if they speak English, for if they do we must be careful what we say before them. Very few of the old people I guess know anything but French, but the younger ones who frequent the Hamax market know more than they pretend to if they are like some other habitans I saw at New Orleans. They are as cunning as foxes." Proceeding to one of the largest coti-ages, we immediately gained admission. Tho door, unlike those of Nova Scotian houses, opened outwards, the fastening being a simple wooden latch. The room into which we entered was a large, dark, dingy, dirty apartment. In the centre of it was a tub containing some gosiins, resembling yellow balls of corn-meal, rather than birds. Two females were all that were at home, one a little wrinkled woman, whose age it would puzzle a physiognomist to pro- nounce on, the other a girl about twentv-hve years old. They 221 LOST AT SEA. Bnt on opposite sides of the fire-place, and both were clothed alike, in blue striped homespun, as previously described. " Look at their moccnsins," said the doctor. " They know much more about deer-skius than half the English settltrs do. Do you observe, they are made of carriboo, and not moose hide. The former contracts with wet and the other distends ana gtts out of shape. Simple as that little thing is, few people have ever noticed it." The girl, had she been differently trained and dressed, would have been handsome, but spare diet, exposure to the sun and wind, and field-labour, had bronzed her face, so that it was diffi- cult to say what her real complexion was. Her hair wa-i jet black and very luxuriant, but the handkerchief which served for bonnet and head-dress by day, and for a cap by night, hid all but the ample folds in front. Her teeth were as white as ivory, and contrasted strangely with the gipsy colour of her cheeks. Her eyes were black, soft, and liquid, and the lashes remark- ably long, but the expression of her face, which was naturally good, indicated, though not very accurately, the absence of either thought or curiosity. After a while objects became more distinct in the room, as we gradually became accustomed to the dim light of the small windows. The walls \?ere hung round with large hanks of yam, principally blue and white. An open cupboard displayed some plain coarse cups and saucers, and the furniture consisted of two rough tables, a large bunk,* one or two sea-chests, and a few chairs of simple workmanship. A large old-fashioned spin- ning-wheel and a barrel-chum stood in one comer, and in the other a shoemaker's bench, while carpenter's tools were sus- pended on nails in such places as were not occupied by yam. There was no ceiling or plastering visible anywhere, the floor of the attic alone separated that portion of the house from the lower room, and the joice on which it was laid were thus ex- posed to view, and supported on wooden elects, leather, oai'3; rudders, together with some half-dressed pieces of ash, snow- shoes, and such other things as necessity might require. The wood- work, wherever visible, was begrimed with smoke, and the floor, though doubtless sometimes swept, appeared as if it had the hydrophobia hidden in its cracks, so carefully were soap nnd water kept from it. Hams and bacon were nowhere vi>:i le. It is probable, if they had any, they were kept elsewhere, but ^ still more probable that they had found their way to market, and been transmuted into money, for these people are remark- ♦ Bunk is a word in common iise, and means a box that makes a seat by dav and serves for a bedstead by night. LOST AT SEA. OO"! ably frugal and abstemious, and there can be no doubt, the doctor says, that there is not a house in the settlement in wliich there is not a supply of ready money, though the appearan<"e of the buildings and their inmates would by no means justify a stranger in supposing so. They are neither poor nor destitute, but far better otf than those who live more comfortably and inhabit better houses. The only article of food that I saw was a barrel of egga, most probably accumulated for the Halifax market, and a few small fish on rods, undergoing the process of smoking in the chimney comer. The old woman was knitting and enjoying her pipe, and the girl was dressing wool, and handling a pair of cards with a rapidity and easr . nat would have surprised a Lancashire weaver. The moment she rose to sweep up the hearth I saw she was n • heiress. When an Acadian girl has but her outer and under garment on, it is a clear sign, if she marries, there will be a heavy demand on the fleeces of her husband's sheep ; but if she wears four or more thick woollen petticoats, it is equally certain her portion of worldly goods is not very small. " Doctor," sais I, "it tante every damin' needle would reach her through them petticoats, is it ? " "Oh!" said he, "Mr Slick — oh!" and he rose as usual, stooped forward, pressed his hands on his ribs, and ran round the room, if not at the imminent risk of his life, certainly to the great danger of the spinning wheel and the goslings. Both the females regarded him with great surprise, and not without some alarm. " He has the stomach-ache," sais I, in French, " he is sub- ject to it." " Oh ! oh ! " said he, when he heard that, " oh, Mr Slick, you will be the death of me." " Have you got any peppermint?" sais I. " No," said she, talkmg in her own patois; and she scraped a spoonful of soot from the chimney, and putting it into a cup, was about pouring hot water on it for an emetic, when he could stand it no longer, but rushing out of the door, put to flight a flock of geese that were awaiting their usual meal, and stumb- ling over a pig, fell at full length on the ground, nearly crushing the dog, who went off yelling as if another such blow would b': the death of him, and hid himself under the bam. The idea of the soot-emetic relieved the old lady, though It nearly f xed the doctor's flint for him. She extolled its virtues to the skies ; she saved her daughter's life, she said, with it once, who had been to Hali^ix, and was taken by an officer into a pastrycook's shop I ^j^g^^l^^ll ^^^^*^^^^^^^^ u 226 LOST AT SEA. and treated. lie told her if she would cat as much 08 she could at once, ho would pay for it all. Well, she did her best. She eotoneloaf of i)lumrake,thrce trays of jellies, a whole counter of little tarts, hf^s, raisins, and orrngcs, and all sorts of things without number. Oh ! it was a ^rand clunce, she said, and the way she eat was a caution to a cormorant ; but at last she gave out she couldn't do no more. The foolish officer, the old lady observed, if he had let her fetch all them thinj^s home, you know wr could have helped her to eat them, and if we couldn't have eat 'em all in one day, surely we could in one week ; but he didn't think of that I suppose. But her daughter liked to have died ; too much of a good tning is good for nothing. Well, the soot-emetic cured her, and then she told me all its eftects ; and it's very surprising, it didn't sound bad in French, but it don't do to write it in English at all ; it's the same thing, but it tells better in French. It must be a very nice language that for a doctor, when it makes emetics sound so prettv ; you might hear of 'em while you was at dinner and not disturo you. You may depend it made the old ladv wake snakes and walk chalks talking of physic. She told me if a man was dying or a child was born in all that settlement, she was always sent for, and related to me some capital stories ; but somehow no Eng- lish or Yankee woman could tell them to a man, and a man can't tell them in English. How is this, Squire, do you know ? Ah ! here is the doctor, I will ask him by and by. Women, I believe, are bom with certain natural tastes. Sally was death on lace, and old Aunt Thankful goes the whole figure for furs ; either on 'em could tell real thread or genuine sable clear across the church. Mother was bom vrith a tidy devil, and had an eye for cobwebs and blue-bottle flies. She waged eternal war on 'era; while Phoebe Hopewell beat all natur for bigotry and virtue as she called them (h'.jouterie and virtu). But most Yankee women when they grow old, speci- ally if they are spinsters, are grand at compoundia' medicines and presarves. They begin by nursin' babies and end by nursin' broughten up folks. Old Mother Boudrot, now, was great on herbs, most of which were as simple and as harmless as herself. Some of them was new to me, though I think I know better ones than she has ; but what made her onfaUible was she had faith. She took a key out of her pocket, big enough for a jail- door, and unlocking a huge sailor's chest, selected a box made by the Indians of birch bark, worked with porcupine quiUs, which enclosed another a size smaller, and that a littler one that would just fit into it, and so on till she came to one about the size of Fi LOST AT SEA. 227 nn ol(l-fiii»hionc(l cofTfe-rup. Tlipy are cnllt'ttle to draw breath, the boys took it away, as it was all we had. Oh, it set my mouth afire, it was made to warm outside and not in- side. Dere was brimstone, and camphor, and eetk red pepper, and turpentene in it. Vary hot, vary nasty, and vary trong, and it made me sea-sick, and I gave up my dinner, for I could not hole him no longer, he jump so m de stomach, and what was wus, I had so little for anoder meal. Fust I lose my way, den I lose my sense, den I lose my dinner, and what is wus I lose myself to sea. Oh, I repent vary mush of my sin in going out of sight of land. Well, I lights my pipe and walks up and down, and presently the sun comes out quite bright. " ' Well, dat sun,' sais I, ' boys, sets every night behind my barn in the big swamp, somewhere about the Hemlock Grove. * .Ul colonists coll England " home." LOST AT SEA. 231 "Well, dat is 63^ 40' west I suppose. And it rises a few miles to the eastward of that barn, sometimes out of a fog bank, and sometimes out o' the water; well that is •il"' 4fO' north, which is all but east I suppose. Now, if we steer west we will see our barn, but steering eaa*' is being lost at sea, for in time you would be behind de sun.' " AVell, we didn't sleep much dat night, you may depend, but we prayed a great deal, and we talked a great deal, and I was so cussed seared I did not know what to do. Well, morning came and still no land, and I began to get diablement feared again. Every two or tree minutes I run up de riggin' and look out, but couldn't see notin'. At last I went down to my trunk, for I had bottle there for my rheumatics too, only no nasty stuff in it, that the boys didn't know of, and I took very long draught, I was so seared ; and then I went on deck and up de riggin* again. " ' Boys,' sais I, * there's the barn. That's 63° 40' west. I toxv. you so.' "Well, when I came down I went on my knees, and I vowed as long as I lived I would hug as tight and close as ever I could." " Your wife ? " sais I. " Pooh, no," said he, turning round contemptuously towards her ; " hug her, eh ! why, she has got the rheumatiz, and her tongue is in mourning for her teeth. No, hug the shore, man, hug it so close as posseeble, and nevare lose sight of land for fear of being lost at sea." The "^Id woman perceiving that Jerry had been making some joke at her expense, asked the girl the meaning of it, when she rose, and seizing his cap and boxing his ears with it, right and left, asked what he meant by wearing it before gentlemen, and then poured out a torrent of abuse on him, with such volubility I was unable to follow it. Jerry sneaked off, and set in the comer near his daughter, afraid to speak, and the old woman took her chair again, unable to do so. There was a truce and a calm, so to change the con- versation, sais I : " Sorrow, take the rifle and go and see if there is a Jesuit- priest about here, and if there is shoot him, and take him on board and cook him." " Oh, Massa Sam," said he, and he opened his eyes and goggled like an owl awfully frightened. " Goody gracious me, now you is joking, isn't you ? I is sure you is. You wouldn't now, Massa, you wouldn't make dis child do murder, would you ? Oh, Massa ! ! kill de poor priest who nebber did no harm in all his born days, and him hab no wife and child to follow him to — " 232 LOST AT SEA. " The pot," sals I, " oh, yes, if they ask me arter him I will say he is ^oae to pot." " Oh, Massa, now you is funnin , am't you ? " and he tried to force a laugh. *' How in de world under de canopy ob heb- bin must de priest be cooked ? " " Cut his head and feet off," sais I, " break his thighs short, close up to the stumps, bend 'em up his side, ram him into the pot pnd stew him with ham and vegetables. Lick! a Jesuit- priest is delicious done that way." The girl dropped her cards on her knees and looked at me with intense anxiety. She seemed quite handsome, I do actilly believe if she was put into a tub and washed, laid out on the grass a few nights with her face up to bleach it, her great yarn petticoats hauled off and proper ones put on, and her head and feet dressed right, she'd beat the Blue-nose galls for beauty out and out ; but that is neither here nor there, those that want white faces must wash them, and those that want white floors must scrub them, it's enough for me that they are white, with- out my making them so. Well, she looked all eyes and ears. Jerry's uuder-jaw dropped, Cutler was flabbergasted, and the doctor looked as if he thought, " Well, what are you at now ? " while tlie old woman appeared anxious enough to give her whole barrel of eggs to know what was going on. " Oh, Massa," said Sorrow, " dis here child can't have no hand in it. De priest will pyson you, to a dead sartainty. If he was baked he mout do. In Africa dey is hannibals and eat dere prisoners, but den dey bake or roast 'em, but stew him, Massa ! by golly he will pyson you, as sure as 'postles. My dear ole missus died from only eaten hogs wid dere heads on." "Hogs!" said I. " Yes, Massa, in course, hogs wid dere heads on. Oh, she was a most a beautiful cook, but she wa.j fizzled out by bad cookery at de last." "You black villain," said I, "do you mean to say your mistress ever eat whole hogs ?" " Yes, Massa, in course I do, but it was abbin' dere heads on fixed her flint for her." " What an awful liar you are. Sorrow ! " " 'Pon my sacred word and honour, Massa," he said, "I stake my testament oat on it ; does you tink dis here child now would swear to a lie ? true as preachin', Sar." " G-o on," said I, " I like to see a fellow go the whole ani- mal while he is about it. How many did it take to kill her ? " " Well, Massa, she told me herself, on her def bed, she didn't eat no more uor ten or a dozen hogs, but she didn't blame dem, LOST AT SEA. 233 it was havin' dere heads on did all the mischief. I was away when dey was cooked, or it wouldn't a happened. I was down to Charleston Bank to draw six hundred aollare for her, and when I came back she sent for me. ' Sorrow, ' sais she, * Plutarch has poisoned me.' " * Oh, de biack villain', sais I, * Missus, I will tye him to a tree and bum him.' " ' No, no,' she said, ' I will return good for ebil. Send for llev. Mr Hominy, and Mr Succatash, de Yankee oberseer, and tell my poor granny Chloe her ole missus is dyin', and to come back, hot foot, and bring Plutarch, for my disgestion is all gone.' AVell, when Plutarch came she said, * Plue, my child, you have killed your missus by cooking de hogs wid dere heads on, but I won't punish you, I is intendin' to extinguish you by kindness among de plantation niggers. I will heap coals of firo on your head.' " ' Dat'a right, Missus,' sais I, ' bum the villain up, but bum him with green wood so as to make slow fire, dat's de ticket. Missus, it sarves him right.' " Oh, if you eber heard yellin', Massa, you'd a heard it den. Plue he trowed himself down on de ground, and he rolled and he kicked and he screamed like mad. " ' Don't make a noise, Plutarch,' said she, ' I can't stand it. I isn't a goin' to put you to def. You shall lib. I will gib you a wife.' " ' Oh, tankee. Missus,' said he, * oh, I will pray for you night and day, when I ain't at work or asleep, for eber and eber. Amen.' " * You shall ab Cloe for a wife.' " Cloe, Massa, was seventy -five, if she was one blessed second old. She was crippled with rheumatis, and walked on crutches, and hadn't a tooth in her head. She was just doubled up like a tall nigger in a short bed. " ' Oh, Lord, Missus,' said Plutarch, * hab mercy on dis sinner, O dear Missus, O lubly Missus, oh hab mercy on dis child.' " ' Tankee, Missus,' said Cloe. * God bless you. Missus, T is quite appy now. I is a leetle too young for dat spark, for I is cuttin' a new E,et o' teeth now, and ab suffered from teeth in' most amazin', but I will make him a lubin' wife. Don't be shy, Mr Plue,' said she, and she up wid one ob her crutches and gub him a poke in de ribs dat made him grunt like a pig. ' Come, tand up,' said she, * till de parson tie de knot round your neck.' " ' Oh ! Lord, Missus,' said he, * ab massy !' But de parson v\ 234 LOST AT SEA. I married 'em, and said, * Slute your bride ! ' but he didn't move. " * He is so bashful,' said Cloe, takin' him round de neck and kissin' ob him. * Oh, Missus!* she said, * I is so proud ob my bridegroom — he do look so genteel wid ole massa's frill shirt on, don't he ? ' " "When dey went out o' de room into de entry, Cloe fotched him a crack ober his pate with her crutch that sounded like a cocoa-nut, it was so hollow. " * Take dat,' said she, ' for not slutin' cb your bride, you good-for-nottin' onmanerly scallawag you.' " Poor dear missus ! she died dat identical night." " Come here, Sorrow," said I ; " come and look me in the face." The moment he advanced, Jerry slipt across the room, and tried to hide behind the tongues near his wife. He was terrified to death. " Do you mean to say," said I, " she died of going the whole hou: r Was it a hog — tell me the truth ? " " Well, IVrassa," said Le, " I don't know tc a zact sartainty, for I was not dei« when stiC v»i4S tooked ill, — I was at de bank at de time, — but I will take my davy it was hogs or dogs. I wont just zackly sartify which, because she was 'mazin' fond of both ; but I will swear it was one or toder, and dat dey was cooked wid dere heads on — dat I will stificate to tQl I die !" "Hogs or dogs," said I, "whole, with their heads on — do you niveau that?" " Yes, Massa, dis here child do, of a sartainty." " Hogs like the pig, and dogs like the Newfoundlander at the door?" " Oh, no, Massa, in course it don't stand to argument ob reason it was. Oh, no, it was quadogs and quahogs — clams, you know. We calls 'em down South, for shortness, hogs and dogs. Oh, Massa, in course you knows dat — I is sure you does — you is only intendin' on puppose to make game of dis here nigger, isn't you?" " xou villain," said I, " you took a rise out of me that time, at any rate. It ain't often any feller does that, so I think you deserve a glass of the old Jamaiky for it when we go on. board. Now go and shoot a Jesuit-priest if you see one. The gall explained the order to her mother. " Shoot the priest ?" said she, in French. " Shoot the priest," said Jerry; " shoot me !" And he popped down behind his wife, as if he had no objection to her recei^dng the ball first. She ran to her chest, and got out the little horn box with LOST AT SE.V. 235 tlie nail of St Francis, and looked determined to die at her post. Sorrow deposited the gun in the comer, hung down his head, and said : " Dis here child, Massa Slick, can't do no murder." " Then I must do it myself," said I, rising and proceeding to get my rifle. "Slick," said the doctor, "what the devil do you mean?" " "Why," says I, a settin' dowTi again, " I'll tell you. Jesuit- priests were first seen in Spain and Portugal, where tiiey are very fond of them. I have often eaten them there." " First seen in Spain and Portugal!" he replied. "You are out there — but go on." " There is a man," said I, " in Yorkshire, who says his an- cestor brought the first over from America, when he accom- panied Cabot in his voyages, and he has one as a crest. But that is all bunkum. Cabot never saw one." " What in the world do you call a Jesuit-priest ? " "Why a turkey to be sure," said I ; "that's what they call them at Madrid and Lisbon, after the Jesuits who first intro- duced them into Europe." " My goody gracious!" said Sorrow, "if that ain't fun alive it's a pity, that's all." " Well," said Jerry, " I was lost at sea that time ; I was out of sight of land. It puzzled me like 44° north, and Q3°' 40' west." "Hogs, dogs, and Jesuit-priests!" said the doctor, and off he set again, with his hands on his sides, rushing round the room in convulsions of laughter. " The priest," said I to the old woman, " has given him a pain in his stomach," when she ran to the dresser again, and got the cup of soot for him which had not yet been emptied. "Oh dear!" said he, "I can't stand that; oh. Slick, ttu will be the death of me yet," and he bolted out of the house. Having purchased a bushel of clams from the old lady, and bid her and her daughter good-bye, we vamosed the ranche.* At the door I saw a noble gobbler. " What will you take for that Jesuit-priest," said I, " Jerry ? " " Seven and sixpence," said he. " Done," said I, and his head was perforated with a ball in an instant. The dog unused to such a sound from his master's house, and recollecting the damage he received from the fall of the doc- ♦ One of the numerous corruptions of Spanish words introduced into the States since the Mexican war, and signifies to quit the house or shanty. Ilancho designates a hut, covered with branches, where herdsmen temporarily reside. 230 LOST AT SEA. tor, Hot ofl' wifli the most piteous howls that ever were heard, and fled for sufety — the pij;s squealed as if they liad eacli been wounded — and the geese joined in the general uprnar — while old Madam Boudrot and her daughter rushed sereauiing to the door to ascertain what these dreadful men were about, who talk- ed of shooting priests, and eating hogs and dogs entire with their heads on. It was some time before order was restored, and when Jerry went into the house to light his pipe and de- posit his money, I called Cutler's attention to the action and style of a horse in the pasture whom my gun had alarmed. "That animal," said I, " must have (dropped from the clouds. If he is young and sound, and he moves as if he were both, he is worth six hundred dollars. I must have him ; can you give him a passage till we meet one of our large coal ships coming from Pictou ? " " Certainly," said he. "Jerry," sais I, when he returned, "what in the world do ou keep such a fly-away devil as that for ? why don't you sell im and buy cattle ? Can't you sell him at Halifax ? " " Oh ! " said he, " I can't go there now no more, Mr Slick. The boys call after me and say : Jerry, when did you see land last ? My name is Jerry Boudrot, where am I ? Jerry, I thought you was lost at sea ! Jerry, has your colt got any slippares on yet (shoes) ? Jerry, what does 44 — 40 mean ? Oh ! I can't stand it ! " " Why don't you send him by a neighbour ? " " Oh ! none o my neighbours can ride him. "We can't break him. We are fishermen, not horsemen." " Where did he come from ? " " The priest brought a mare from Canada with him, and tnis is her colt. He gave it to me when I returned from being lost at sea, he was so glad to see me. I wish you would buy him, Mr Slick ; you will have him cheap ; I can't do noting with him, and no fence shall stop him." " What the plague," sais I, " do you suppose I want of a horse on board ot a ship ? do you w^ant me to be lost at sea too ? and besides, if I did try to oblige you," said I, " and offered you five pounds for that devil nobody can ride, and no fence stop, you'd ask seven pound ten right off". Wow, that turkey was not worth a dollar here, and you asked at once seven and six- pence. Nobody can trade with you, you are so everlasting sharp. If you was lost at sea, you know your way by land, at all events." " AVell," sais he, " say seven pounds ten, and you will have him." LOST AT SEA. 237 " Oh ! of course," said I, " there is capital pasture on board of a vessel, aiu't there ? Where am I to get hay till 1 send him home?" " I will give you tree hundredweight into the bargain." •' Well," sais I, " let's look at him ; can you catch him ? " He went into the house, and bringing out a pan of oats, and calling him, the horse followed him into the stable, where he was secured. I soon ascertained he was perl'ectly sound, and that he was an uncommonly tine animal. I sent Sorrow on board for my saddle and bridle, whip and spurs, and desired that the vessel might be warped into the wliarf. When the negro returned, I repeated the terms of the bargain to Jerry, which being assented to, the animal was brought out into the centre of the field, and while his owner was talking to him, I vaulted into the saddle. At first he seemed very much alarmed, snorting and blowing violently ; he then bounded forward and lashed out with his hind feet most furiously, which was suc- ceeded by alternate rearing, kicking, and backing. I don't think I ever see a critter splurge so badly ; at last he ran the whole length of the field, occasionally throwing up his heels very high in the air, and returned unwillingly, stopping every few minutes and plunging outrageously. On the second trial he again ran, and for the first time I gave him both whip and spur, and made him tfike the fence, and in returning I pushed him in the same manner, making him take the leap as before. Though awkward and ignorant of the meaning of the rein, the animal knew he was in the hands of a power superior to his own, and submitted far more easily than I expected. When we arrived at the wliarf, I removed the saddle, and placing a strong rope round his neck, had it attached to the windlass, not to drag him on board, but to make him feel if he refused to advance that he was powerless to resist, an indispens- able precaution in breaking horses. Once and once only he attempted escape ; he reared and threw himself, but finding the strain irresistible, he yielded and went on board quietly. Jerry was as delighted to get rid of him as I was to purchase him, and though I knew that seven pounds ten was as much as he could ever realize out of him, I felt I ought to pay him for the hay, and also that I could weU afford to give him a little conciliation present ; so I gave him two barrels of flour in addition, to en- able him to make his peace with his wife, whom he had so grossly insulted by asserting that his vow to heaven was to hug the shore hereafter, and had no reference to her. If I ain't mistaken, Jerry Boudrot, for so I have na,med the animal after him, win astonish the folks to tSlickville ; for of all the horses 23S IIOIJJINO UP THE MIKROR. on this continent, to my mind, the real ^-jiuine Canadian is tho best by all odds. "Ah! m^ friend," said Jerry, addressing the hoise, "you shall soon be out of sight of land, like your master j but unlike him, 1 hope you shall never be lost at sea." CHAPTER XVIII. i 1 i- HOLDING TJl? THE MIBBOB. Feom Halifax to Cumberland, Squire, the eastern coast of Nova Scotia presents more harbours fit for the entrance of men- of-war than the whole Atlantic coast of our country from Maiie to Mexico. No part of the world I am acquainted with is so 'veil supplied and so little frequented. They are "thar," as we say, but where are the large ships ? growing in the forest I guess. And the large towns ? all got to be built I reckon. And the mines ? why wanting to be worked. And the fisheries ? Well, I'U tell you, if you will promise not to let on about it. We are going to nave them by treaty, as we now have them by trespass. Fact is, we treat with the British and the Indians in the same way. Bully them if we can, and when that vron't do, get the most valuable things they have in exchange for t; ash, like glass beads and wooden clocks. StiU, Squire, there is a vast improvement here, though I won't say there ain't room for more ; but there is such a change come over the people, as is quite astonishing. The Blue-nose of 1834 is no longer the Blue-nose of 1854. He is more active, more industrious, and more enterprising. Intelligent the critter al- ways was, but unfortunately he was lazy. He was asleep then, now he is wide awake, and up and doing. He never had no occasion to be ashamed to show himself, for he is a good-looking feller, but he needn't now be no longer skeered to answer to his name, when the muster is come and his'n is called out in the roll, and say, " Here am I, Sirree" A new generation has sprung up, some of the drones are still about the hive, but there is a young vigorous race coming on who will keep pace with the age. It's a great thing to have a good glass to look in now and then and see yourself. They have had the mirror held up to them. Lord, I shall never forget when I was up to Eawdon here HOLDING UP THE MIRROR. 2no oiice, a countryman came to the inn where I was, to pay me for a clock I had put ofF on him, and as I was a pasHin' through the entry I saw the critter standin' before the glass, awfully horrified. " My good gracious," said he, a talking to himself, " my good gracious, is this you, John Smiler P I havn't seen you before now going on twenty years. Oh, how shockingly you are altered, I fihouldn't a known you, I declare." Now, I have held the mirror to these fellows to see them- selves in, and it has scared them so they have shaved slick up, and made themselves look decent. I won't say I made all the changes myself, for Providence scourged them into activity, by sending the weavel into their wheat-fields, the rot into their po- tatoes, and the drought into their hay crops. It made them scratch round, I tell you, so as to earn their grub, and the exer- tion did them good. Well, the blisters 1 have put on their van- ity stung em so, they jumped high enough to see the right road, and the way they travel ahead now is a caution to snails. Now, if it was you who had done your country this sarviee, you would have spoke as mealy-mouthed of it as if butter wouldn't melt in it. " I flatter myself," you would have said, " I had some little small share in it." " I have lent my feeble aid." " I have contributed my poor mite," and so on, and looked as meek and felt as proud as a Pharisee. Now, that's not my way. I hold up the mirror, whether when folks see themselves in it they see me there or not. The value of a glass is its truth. And where colonists have suflfered is from false reports, ignorance, and mis- representation. There is not a word said of them that can be depended on. Missionary returns of all kinds arc coloured and doctored to suit English subscribing palates, and it's a pity they should stand at the head of the list. British travellers distort things the same way. They land at Halifax, where they see the first contrast between Europe and America, and that contrast ain't favourable, for the town is dingy lookin' and wants paint, and the land round it is poor and stony. But that is enough, so they set down and abuse the whole country, stock and fluke, and wTite as wise about it as if they had seen it all instead of overlooking one mile from the deck of a steamer. The military enjoy it beyond anything, and are lar more comfortable than in soldiering in England ; but it don't do to say so, for it counts for foreign service, and like the witnesses at the court-marshall at "Windsor, every feller sais, Non mi ricordo. Governors who now-a-days have nothing to do, have plenty of leisure to write, and their sufferings are such, their pens are inadequate to the task. They are very much to be pitied. ^'r.i A r I I I IS i 210 HOLDING UP THE MIKBOR. 'Wl•l^ cnloiiints on tho other hand «fihh>m get their no<y were intrudin' on the lisiieries. Our embassador was laid up at the time with rlu . matism, which he called gout, because it sounded diplomatic. So says he, " Slick, take this letter and deliver it to the minister, and give him some verbal explanations." AVell, down 1 goes, was announced and ushered in, and when he saw me, he looked me all over as a tailor does a man before he takes his measure. It made me hoppin' mad I tell you, for in a general wry I don't allow any man to turn up his nose at me without having a shot at it. So when I sat down I spit into the fire, in a way to put it out amost, and he drew back and made a face, a leettle, just a leettle uglier than his natural one ■was. "Bad habit," sais I, "that of spittin', ain't it?" lookin' up at him as innocent as you please, and makin' a face exactly like his. " Very," said he, and he gave a shudder. Sais 1, " I don't know whether you are aware of it or not, but most bad habits are catching." " 1 should hope not," said he, and he drew a little further off. " Fact," sais T ; " now if you look long and often .it a man that winks, it sets you a winkin'. If jou see a fellow with a twitch in his face, you feel your cheek doin' the same, and Btammerin' is catching too. Now I oaug'it that habit at court, since I came to Europe. I dined wunst with the King of Prus- sia, when I was with our embassador on a visit at Berlin, and the King beats all natiu* in spittin', ar.d the noise he makes aforehand is like clearin' a grate out with a poker, it's homd. Well, that's not the worst of it, he uses that ugly German word for it, that vulgarians translate * spitting.' Now some of our western people are compelled to chew a little tobacco, but like a broker tasting cheese, when testing wine, it is only done to be \ f IIOLDIXO LT THE MIUKOK. oi- t.) I a.h\v to jiul^'o of the (}imlity of tlu» nrtiolr, but I'vrii them un»o- j»lii»tirat<»(l, tn*»*, luul »'iilij;htt'iu'tl citi/.riiH Imvr iiii iimatf rrlliu'- int'ut about tlu-in. Tlu'V lu-vt-r n»v that luinty wnnl 'H^^ittill^,' but fall it 'exprt'Hsinf; theariibia.' Wt'll, wImmh-vit Ins Majowty croHst'H my mind, 1 do the suino out of I'h'arBhetT ili>«;,'ut4t. Some o' iheiM sort of upiuTiTUHt people, 1 eall them big bugn, think they eau do a« tijey like, and use the privilege of in«lulging tlume evil habits. When folks like the pnvii i the kiui: do it, 1 eall them * High, low, jaek, and tlie game.' " Well, the Htare he gave mo would have made you die a lar- fin'. 1 never saw a man in my life look «o skeywonaky. Ilo knew it was true that the king had that eustom, and it dumb- foundered him. Ho looked at me as mueh as to say, " Well, that is eapital; the idea of a Yankee, who spits like a garden- engine, swearing it's a bad habit he lamed in Europe, and a trick he got from dining with a king, is the richest thing i ever heard in my life. I must tell that to Palmerston." 13ut I diibi't let him otl" so easy, lu the course of talk, sais he : " Mr Slick, is it true that in South Carolina, if a free nig- ger, on board of one of our vessels, lands tiiere, he is put into jail until the ship sails?" and he looked good, as much as to say, "Thank heaven 1 ain't like that republican." " It is," said I. " We consider a free nigger and a free Englishman on a parr ; we imprison a free black, lest he should corrupt our slaves. The Duke of Tuscany imprisons a free Eng- lishman, if he has a Bible in his possession, lest he should cor- rupt his slaves. It's upon the principle, that what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." He didn't pursue the subject. That's what I call brag for brag. "We never allow any created critter, male or female, to go a-head of us in anything. I heard a lady say to embassador's wife onte, in answer to her question, " how sne was ? " " Oh, I am in such rude health, I have grown quite in- decently stout." Embassadress never heard them slang words before (for even high life has its slang), but she wouldn't be beat. " Oh," said she, " all that will yield to exercise. Before I was married I was the rudest and most indecent gall in all Connecticut." AVell, an Irishman, with his elbow through his coat, and his shirt, if he has one, playing diggy-diggy-doubt from his trowsers, flourishes his shillalah over his head, and brags of the " Imirald Isle," and the most splindid pisantry in the world j a Scotch. 214 HOLDING UP THE MIUKOR. man hoaHta, tliat next to the devil and tlio royal ovmcr of Etna, he is the richest proprietor of sulphnr that (!ver was heard of; while a Frenchma.i, whose vanity exceeds hoth, has the modesty to call the English a nation ot Bho|)keepers, the Yankees, ca- naille, and all the rest of the world beasts. Even John China- man swapjpcrs about with his three tails, and calls forei^Miers " Barbarians." If we go a-head and speak out, do you do so, too. You have a right to do so. Hold the mirror to tliern, and your countrymen, too. It won't lie, that'L' a fact. They re- quire it, I assure you. The way the just expectations of pro- vincials have been disappointed, the loyal portion doj)ressed, the turbulent petted, and the manner the feelings of all disregarded, the contempt that has accompanied concessions, the neglect that has followed devotion and self-sacrifice, and the extraordin- ary manner the just claims of the meritorious postponed to parliamentary support, has worked a change in the feelings of the people that the Downing Street oHicials cannot understand, or surely they would pursue a ditfereut course. They want to have the mirror held up to them. I know they feel sore here about the picture my mirror gives them, and it's natural they should, especially comin' from a Yankee ; and they call me a great bragger. But that's no- thin' new; doctors do the same when a feller cures a poor wretch they have squeezed like a sponge, ruinated, and given up as past hope. They sing out Quack. But I don't care ; I have a right to brag nationally and individually, and I'd be no good if I didn't take my own part. Now, though I say it that shouldn't say it, for I ain't afraid to speak out, the aketches I send you are from life ; I paint things as you will find them and know them to be. I'll take a bet of a hundred dollars, ten people out of twelve in this country will recognise Jerry Boudrot's house \vho have never entered it, but who have seen others exactly like it, and will say, " I know who is meant by Jerry and his daughter and wife ; I hav e often been there ; it is at Clare or Arichat or Pumnico, or some such place or. an- other." Is that braggin' ? Not a bit ; it's only the naked fact. To my mind there is no vally in a sketch if it ain't true to nature. AYe needn't go searching about for strange people or strange things ; life is full of them. There is queerer things happening every day than an author can imagine for the life of him. It takes a great mirny odd people to make a world, that's a fact. Now, if I dcscril e a house that has an old hat in one window, and a pair of trousers in another, I don't stop to turn glazier, take 'em out and put whole glass in, nor make a garden where an- IIOLDING UP THE MIRROR. 215 there is none, and put a larcje tree in the foreo^ronnd for effect ; but I take it as I Hnd it, and I take j)eojile in tlio dress I find 'em in, and if I set 'em a talkin' 1 take their very words down. Nothing gives you a right idea of a country and its people like that. There is always some interest in natur, where truly depicted. Minister used to say that some author (I think he said it was old Dictionary Johnson) remarked, that the life of any man, if wrote truly, would be interesting. 1 think so too ; for every man has a story of his own, adventures of his own, and some things have happened to him that never haj){)ened to anybody else. People here abuse me for all this, they say, after all my boastin' I don't do 'em justice. But after you and 1 are dead and gone, and things have been changed, as it is to be hoped they will some day or another for the better, unless they are like their Acadian French neighbours, and intend to remain just as they are for two hun- dred and fifty years, then these sketches will be curious ; and, as they are as true to life as a Dutch picture, it will be inter- estin' to see what sort of folks were here in 1854, how thev lived, and how they employed themselves, and so on. Now it's more than a hundred years ago since Smollett wrote, but his men and women were taken from real life, his sailors from the navy, his attorneys from the jails and criminal courts, and his fops and line ladi js from the herd of such cattle that he daily met with. Well, they are read now ; I have 'em to home, and laugh till I cry over them. AVhy r Because natur is the same always. Although we didn't live a hundred years ago, we can see how the folks of that age did ; and, although society is altered, and there are no Admiral Bcnbows, nor Haw- ser Trunnions, and folks don't travel in vans with canvas covers, or wear swords, and frequent taverns, and all that as they used to did to England ; still it's a pictur of the times, and ilistructin' as well as amusin'. I have learned more how folks dressed, talked, aad lived, and thought, and what sort of critters they were, and what the state of society, high and low, was then, from his books and Fielding's than any 1 know of They are true to life, and as long as natur remains the same, which it always will, they will be read. That's my idea at least. Some squeamish people turn up the whites of their peepers at both those authors and say they are coarse. How can they be otherwise ? society was coarse. There are more veils worn now, but the devil still lurks in the eye under the veil. Things ain't talked of so openly, or done so openly, in modern as in old times. There is more concealment ; and concealment is called delicacy. J3ut where concealment is, the passions are excited 210 HOLDING UP THE MIRROR. "by the diflicultii's impospd by society. Barriers are erected too high to Hcale, but every barrier has its wicket, its latch key, aud its private door. Natur is natur still, and there is as much of that that is condemned in his books now, as there was then. There is a horrid sight of hypocrisy now, more than there was one hundred years ago ; vice was audacious then, and scared folks. It ain't so bold at present as it used to did to be ; but if it is forbid to enter the drawing-room, the back staircase is still free. AVhere there is a will there is a way, and always will be. I hate pretence, and, above all, mock modesty ; it's a bad sign. I knew a clergyman to home a monstrous pious man, and so delicate-minded, he altered a great many words and passages in the Church Service, he said he couldn't find it in his heart to read them out in meetin', and yet that fellow, to my sartain knowledge, was the greatest scamp in private life I ever knew. Gracious knows, I don't approbate coarseness, it shocks me, but narvous sensibility makes me sick. I like to call things by their right names, and I call a leg a leg, and not a larger limb ; a shirt a shirt, though it is next the skin, and not a linen vest- ment ; and a stocking a stocking, though it does reach up the leg, and not a silk hose ; and a garter a garter, though it is above the calf, and not an elastic band or a hose suspender. A really modest woman was never squeamish. Fastidiousness is the envelope of indelicacy. To see harm in ordinary words betrays a knowledge, and not an ignorance of evil. But that is neither here nor there, as I was sayin', when you are dead and gone these Journals of mine which you have edited, when mellowed by time, will let the hereafter-to-be Blue-noses see what the has-been Nova Scotians here from '34 to '54 were. Now if something of the same kind had been done when Hali- fax w^as first settled a hundred years ago, what strange coons the old folks would seem to us. That state of society has passed away, as well as the actors. For instance, when the militia was embodied to do duty so late as the Duke of Kent's time. Ensign Lane's name was called on parade. "Not here," said Lieu- tenant Grrover, " he is mending Sargent Street's breeches." Many a queer thing occurred then that would make a queer book, I assure you. There is much that is characteristic both to be seen and heard in every harboiu* in this province, the right Avay is to jot all down. Every place has its standing topic. At Windsor it is the gypsum trade, the St John's steamer, the Halifax coach, and a new house that is building. In King's County it is export of potatoes, bullocks, and horses. At Anna- polis, cord, wood, oars, staves, shingles, and agricultural pro- -^ HOLDING UP THE MHiKOR. 2i7 duce of nil kinds. At Bii^by, smoked lierrinj^s, fisli woirs, and St John niarketa. At Yiirniouth, foreign freights, hertliini;, rails, cat-heads, lower cheeks, wooden bolsters, and the crown, palm, and shank of anchors. At Shelburne, it is divided be- tween Hsh, lumber, and the price of vessels. At Liv^qwol, ship-buildini?, deals, and timber, knees, transums, and futtucks, pintles, keelsons, and moose lines. At Lunenburg, Jeddore, and Chesencook, the state of the market at the capital. At the other harbours further to the eastward, the coal trade and the fisheries engross most of the conversation. You hear continu- ally of the fall run and the spring catch of mackerel that set in but don't stop to bait. The remarkable discovery of the French coasters, that was made fifty years ago, and still is as new and as fresh as ever, that when fish are plenty there is no salt, and when salt is abundant there are no fish, continually startles you with its novelty and importance. AVhile you are both amused and instructed by learning the meaning of coal cakes, Albion tops, and what a Cheseneooker delights in, "slack;" you also find out that a hundred tons of coal at Sydney means when it reaches Halifax one hundred and fifteen, and that West India, Mediterranean, and Brazilian fish are actually made on these shores. These local topics are greatly diversified by politics, which, like crowfoot and white-weed, abound everywhere. Halifax has all sorts of talk. !N^ow if you was writin' and not me, you would have to call it, to please the people, that flourishing great capital of the greatest colony of Great Britain, the town with the harbour, as you say of a feller who has a large handle to his face, the man with the nose, that place that is des- tined to be the London of America, which is a fact if it ever fulfils its destiny. The little scrubby dwarf spruces on the coast aro destined not to be lofty pines, because that can't be in the Lutur of things, although some folks talk as if they expected it ; but they are destined to be enormous trees, and although they havn't grown an inch the last fifty years, who can tell but they may exceed the expectations that has been formed of them ? Yes, you would have to give it a shove, it wants it bad enough, and lay it on thick too, so as it will stick for one season. It reminds me of a Yankee I met at New York wunst, he was disposin' of a new hydraulic cement he had invented. Now cements, either to resist fire or water, or to mend the most de- licate china, or to stop a crack in a stove, is a thing I rather pride myself on. I make my own cement always, it is so much better than any I can buy. Sals I, " AVhat are your ingredients ? " " Yes," sais he, "tell you my secrets, let the cat out of the i - i 1 2i8 HOLDING UP THE MIKKOR. bai; for yon to catch by the tail. Xo, no," said lie, " excuse me, it' you please." It ryled me that, so I just steps up to him, as savage as a meat-axe, intendin' to throw him down-stairs, when the feller turned as pale as a rabbit's belly, I vow I could hardly help laughin', so I didn't touch him at all. " But," sais I, "you and the cat in the bag may run to Old Nick ati'l see which will get to him first, and say tag — I don't want the secret, for I don't believe you know it yourself. If I was to see a bit of the cement, and break it up myself, I'd tell you in a moment whether it was good for anything.' " AVell," sais he, " I'll tell you ; " and he gave me all the particulars. Sais I, " It's no good, two important ingredients are wantin', and you haven't tempered it right, and it won't stick." Sais he, " I guess it will stick till I leave the city, and that will answer me and my eends." " No," sais I, " it won't, it will ruin you for ever, and injure the reputation of Connecticut among the nations of the airth. Come to me when I return to Slickville, and I will show you the proper thing in use, tested by experience, in tanks, in brick and stone walls, and in a small riimace. Give me two thousand dollars for the receipt, take out a patent, and your fortune is made." " AVell," sais he, " I will if it's all you say, for there is a great demand for the article, if it's only the true Jeremiah.." " Don't mind what I say," said I, " ask it what it says, there it is, go look at it." Well, you would have to give these Haligonians a ooat of ■white-wash that would stick till y( ii leave the town. But that's your affair, and not mine. I hold the mirror truly, and don't flatter. Now, Halifax is a sizable place, and covers a good deal of ground, it is most as ]arge as a piece of chalk, which will give a stranger a very good motion of it. It is the seat of govern- ment, and there are some very important officers there, judging by their titles. There are a receiver-general, an accountant-ge- neral, an attorney-general, a solicitor-general, a commissary-ge- neral, an assistant commissary-general, the general in command, the quartermaster-general, the adjutant-general, the vicar-ge- neral, surrogate-general, and postmaster-general. His Excellency the governor, and his Excellency the admiral. The master of the liolls, their lordships the judges, the lord bishop, and the arch- bishop, archdeacon, secretary for the Home department, and a host of great men, with the handle of honourable to their names. Mayors, colonels, and captains, whether of the regulars or the > HOLDING UP THE MIRROR. 219 the I militia, they don't count more than fore-cnhin passon^^ers. It ain't considered genteel lor tlieni to ooine abaft the paiKlle-wheel. Indeed, the quarter-deck wouhhi't accommodate so many. Now, there is the same marvel about this small town that there was about the scholar's head — " Ami still the wonder fprcw, How one small head could carry all he knew." "Well, it is a wonder so many ^( at men can be warm-clothed, beddcd-down, and well stailrd tin-re, ain't it ? But they are, and very comfortably, too. This is the upper crust; now the undiT crust consists of lawyers, doctors, mercliants, army and navy folks, small officials, articled clerks, and so on. Well, in course such a town, I bepj pardon, it is a city (which is more i "nin Li- verpool in England is), and has two cathedral churches, with so mauy grades, trades, blades, and pretty maids in it, the talk nuist be various. The military talk is professional, with tender re- miniscences of home, and some little boasting, that they are suf- fering in their country's cause by being so long on foreign service at Halifax. The young swordknots that have just joined are brim full of ardour, and swear by Jove (the young heathens) it is too bad to be shut up in this vile hole (youngsters, take my advice, and don't let the town's-people hear that, or they will lynch you), instead of going to Constantinople. " I say, Lennox, wouldn't that be jolly work ? " " Great work," says Jjennox, " rum coves those Turks nuist be in the field, eh ? Tiie colonel is up to a thing or two ; if he was knocked on the head, there would be such promotion, no one woidd lament him, but his dear wife and five lovely daughters, and they would be really distressed to lose him." He don't check the youthful ardour, on the contrary, chimes in, and is in hopes he can make interest at the Horse-guards for the regiment to go yet, and then he gives a wink to the do(;tor, who was in the corps when he was a boy, as much as to say, " Old fellow, you and I have seen enough of the pleasures of cam- paigning in our day, eh ! Doctor, that is good wine ; but it's getting confounded dear lately ; I don't mind it myself, but ib makes the expense of tlie mess fall heavy upon the youngsters." The jolly subs look across the table and wink, for they know that's all bunkum. " Doctor," sais a new hand, " do you know if Cargill has sold his orses. His leada is a cleverwish saut of thing, but the wheela is a riglar bute. That's a goodish crse the Admewall wides; I wonder if he is going to take him ome with him." "Haven't heard — can't say. Jones, what's that thing that I \[l\ ( -1 ^ \ t l j ■ ii 1 \S 250 HOLDING UP THF MIRROII. v> ont 1 ? Confound the thing, I have got it II, do you know on the tip of my tonpue too. " " Aspnalt." '^d\» Junes. "No! that's r.ot it; that's what wide-awakes are made of" " ]*erha[)8 so," sais Gage, " asifclt is very appropriate for a /ooVs cap." At which thero is a groat roar. " No ; but really what is it ? " " Is it arbutus ? " sais Simpkins, " I think they make it at Killarnty — " " No, no ; oh ! I have it, asbestos ; well, that's what I believe the cigars here are made of — they won't go." *' There are a good many things here that are no go," sais Gage, " like Perry's bills on Coutts ; but, Smith, where did you get that flash waistcoat I saw last night r " " Oh ! that was worked by a poor despairing girl at Bath, during a fit of the scarlet fever." " It was a memento mori then, I suppose," replies the other. But all the talk is not quite so frivolous. Opposite to that large stone edifice, is an old cannon standing on end at the cor- ner of the street, to keep carriages from trespassing on the pave- ment, and the non-military assemble round it ; they are ciA-ic great guns. They are discussing the great event of the season — the vote of want of confidence of last night, the resignation of the provincial ministry this morning, and the startling fact that the head upholsterer has been sent for to furnish a new cabinet, that won't warp with the heat and fly apart. It is very important news ; it has been telegraphed to Washington, find was considered . so alarming, the President was waked up to be informed of it. He rubbed his eyes and said : " Well, I acknowledge the coin, you may take my hat. I hope I may be cow-hided if I knew they had a ministry. I thought they only had a governor, and a regiment for a consti- tution. Will it afl'ect the stocks ? How it will scare the Em- peror of Kooshia, won't it ? " and he roared so loud he nearly choked. That just shows (everybody regards the speaker witn silence, for he is an oracle), says Omniscient Pitt. Tiiat just shows iiow little the Yankees know^and how little the English care about us. " If we want to be indepindent and respictable," saii.i an Hibernian magnate, "we must repale the Union." But wliat is this ? here is a fellow tied hand and foot on a truck, which is conveying him to the police court, swear- ing and screaming honibly. What is the meaning of all that? A little cynical old man, commonly called the mnjor, looks i HOLDING UP THE MIKROR. •J.- 1 knowinc;, puts on a quizzical expression, nnil touchini; his nose with the tip of his finger, savs, " One of the new njagistrate* qualifying as he goes down to be sworn into office." It makes the politicians smile, restores their equanimity, and they make room for another committee of safetv. A littlo lower down the street, a mail-coach is starting for "W indsor, and ten or fifteen men are assembled d .ng their utmost, and twenty or thirty boys helping them, to look at the j)as8engers, but are unexpectedly relieved from their arduous duty by a military band at the head of a marching regiment. Give me the bar though. I don't mean the bar-room, though there are some capital songs sung, and good stories told, and first-rate rises taken out of green ones, in that bar-room at the big hotel, but I mean the lawyers. They are the merriest and best fellows everywhere. They fight like prize-boxers in public and before all the world, and shake hands when they set to and after it's over. Preachers, on the contrary, write anonymous letters in newspapers, or let fly pamphlets at each other, and call ugly names. AVhile doctors go from house to house in- sinuating, undermining, shrugging shoulders, turning up noses, and looking as amazed as when they was fust born into the world, at each other's prescriptions. Well, politicians are dirty birds too, they get up all sorts of lies against each other, and if any one lays an egg, t'other swears it was stole out of his nest. But lawyers are above all these tricks. As soon as court is ended, oft' they go arm-in-arm, as if they had both been fight- ing ou one side. " I say, Blowem, that was a capital hit of yours, making old Gurdy swear he was king of the mountains." " Not half as good as yours. Monk, telling the witness he couldn't be a partner, for the plaintiff had put in all the ' stock in hand,' and bp had only put in his ' stock in feet.' " They are full of stories, too, tragic as well as comic, picked up in the circuits. " Jones, do you know Mc Farlane of Barney's River, a Presbyterian clergyman 'r He told me he was ouce in a re- mote district there where no minister had ever been, and visit- ing the house of a settler of Scotch descent, he began to exam- ine the children. " ' "Well, my man,' said he, patting on the shoulder a stout junk of a boy of about sixteen years of age, ' can you tell me what is the chief end of man ? ' " ' Yes, Sir,' said he. ' To pile and bum brush.' * " ' No it ain't,' said his sister. * In clearing woodland, after the trees are chopped down and cut into con- venient sizes for handling, they are piled into heaps and burned. II m 252 HOLDING UP THE MIKIiOR. 11 1 " * Oh, but it is though,' replied the boy, 'for lather told ine HO himHclf.' " ' No. no,' said the minister, * it'a not that ; but perhaps, my dear,' addressiuj; the girl, 'you eau tell me what it is 'r ' " ' Oh, yea, Sir,' waid she, * \ ean tell you, and so could John, but be ncner will thiuk before he speaks.' "'AVell, what is it, dear?' " ' Why, the chief end of man, Sir, is his bead and shoul- ders.' "' Oh,' said a little lassie that wr ^«stf g to the convers- ation, ' if you Know all these thing;;, ^'? . «n you tell me if Xoah had any butterflies in the ark. '} > der how in the world he ever got hold of them ! ]Many ii: 1 mar,' . beauty have I chased all day, and I never could catch one yei. "I can tell you a better one than that," says Larry Ililliard. "Do you recollect old Hardwood, our under-sheriff? He has a very beautiful daughter, and she was married last week at St Paul's Church, to a lieutenant in the navy. There was such an immense crowd present (for they were considered the handsom- est couple ever married there), that she got so confused she could hardly get through the responses. AYhen the archdeacon said, ' AVill you have tliis man to be your wedded husband ? ' " ' Yes,' she said, and made a slight pause ; and then became bewildered, and got into her catechism. 'Yes,' she said, 'by God's grace I will, and I humbly thank my Heavenly Father for having brought me to this state of salvation.' " It was lucky she spoke low, and that the people didn't distinctly hear her, but it nearly choaked the parson." "Talking of church anecdotes," says Lawyer Martin, "re- minds me of old Parson Byles, of St John's, New Brunswick. Before the American rebellion he was rector at Boston, and he had a curate who always preached against the Roman Catholics. It tickled the Puritans, but didn't injure the Papists, for there were none there at that; time. For three successive Sundays he expounded the text, ' And Peter's wife's mother lay ill of a fever.' " From which he inferred priests ought to marry. Shortly after that the bell was tolling one day, and somebody asked Dr Byles who Avas dead. " Says he, and he looked solemcoly, shut one eye and winked with the other, as if he was trying to shut that also — ' I rather think it is Peter's wife's mother, for she has been ill of a fever for three weeks.' " There are charms in these little "home scenes," these little detached sketches, wliicli are wholly lost in a large landscape. HOLDING UP THE MIRKOR. 2o3 There is one very rodecniin^ property about the people. -Although they difVer widely in politics, J infer that thev live in tlie greatest possible harmony together, from the fact that they Bl)eak of each other like menil)er« of the oame family. The word ]\Jr is laid aside as too cold and formal, and the whole Christian name as too ceremonious. Their most distinguished men speak of each other, and the public follow their example, as Joe A, or Jim B, or Bill C, or Tom D, or Fitz this, or Dick that. It t^ounds odd to strangers no doubt, but the inference that may be drawn from it is one of great amiability. Still, in holding up the mirror, hold it up fairly, and take in nil the groups, and not merely those that excite ridicule. Hali- fax has more real substantial wealth about it than any j)lace of its size in America ; wealth not amassed by reckless speculation, but by judicious enterprise, persevering industry, and consist- ent economy. In like manner there is better society in it than in any similar American or colonial town. A man must know the people to appreciate them. He must not nierely judge by those whom he is accustomed to meet at the social board, for they are not always the best specimens anywhere, but by those also who prefer retirement, and a narrower circle, and rather avoid general society, as not suited to their tastes. The character of its mercantile men stands very high, and those that are engaged in professional pursuits are distinguished for their ability and integrity. In short, as a colonist, Squire, you may at least be satisfied to hear from a stranger like me, that they contrast so favourably with those who are sent oflicially among them from England, that they need not be ashamed to see them- selves grouped with the best of them in the same mirror. Yes, yes, Squire, every place has its queer people, queer talk, and queer grouping. I draw what is before me, and I can't go wrong. Kow, if the sketcher introduces his own person into his foregrounds, and I guess I figure in all mine as large as life (for like a respectable man I never forget myself), he must take care he has a good likeness of his skuldiferous head, as well as a ilattering one. Now, you may call it crackin' and braggin', and all that sort of a thing, if you please, but I must say, 1 allot that I look, sit, walk, stand, eat, drink, smoke, think, and talk, aye, and brag too, like a Yankee clockmaker, don't you ? Yes, there is a decided and manifest improvement in the appearance of this province. When I say the province, I don't refer to Halifax alone, though there are folks there that think it stands for and represents the whole colony. I mean what I say in using that expression, w^hich extends to the country at large — and I am glad to see this change, for I like it. And there is a i\ i\ 2oi THE ilLNDLE OF feTICKS. still moro decided nnd mnnifeHt improvement in the peojde. and 1 mil >,drt(l of that too, for I lii;*^ them also. Now, 1 11 tell you one ^'reat reason of thin alteration. ])liiej;ht or wronj?, and I just put it body and breeches all down in figures in that book. Well, that set inquiries on foot, folks be- gan to calculate — a tender was made and accepted, and now steam across the Atlantic is a fixed fact, and an old story. Our folks warn't over pleased about it, they consaited I should have told them first, so they mip;ht have taken the lead in it, as they like to go ahead of the British in all things, and I wish to good- ness I had, for thanks are better nor jeers at any time. " Well, 1 was right there, you see. So on this subject I have told Squire, and them who ought to know something of the colo- nies they rule, over and over again, and warned government that something was wanting to place these provinces on a proper permanent footing ; that I knew the temper of colony folks better than they did, and you will find in my Journals the sub- ject often mentioned. But no, a debate on a beer bill, or a me- tropolitan bridge, or a constabulary act, is so pressing, there is no time. Well, sure enough that's all come true. First, the Canadian league started up, it was a feverish symptom, and it subsided by good treatment, without letting blood. Last win- ter it was debated in the Legislature here, and the best and ablest speeches made on it ever heard in British America, and infinitely superior to the great majority of those uttered in the House of Commons.* Do you suppose lor a moment that proud- spirited, independent, able men like those members, will long endure the control of a Colonial minister, who, they feel, is as much below them in talent, as by accident he may be above them in rank ? No, Sir, the d y is past. The form of provin- cial government is changed, and with it provincial dependence also. When we become men, toe must put away childish things. " There is a sense of soreness that is uncomfortably felt by a colonist now when he surveys our condition, and that of Englishmen, and compares his own with it. He can hardly tell ♦ All these speeches are well worth reading, especially those of Mr Howe, Mr Johnston, ana Mr M. Wilkins. That of the former gentleman is incompar- ably superior to any one delivered during the last session of the Imperial rar- liameut. 17 253 THE BUNDLE OF STICKS. you what ho wsxntH, he has yet no dofinito plan; but ho 'losires Homotlnnj^ that will place him on a perfect ecjiiality with either. AVheii I waH in Eun)j)o lately, I sneiit u day at Jiichinond, with one of them I had known out in America Jl( ri" .IL< too, c was a iLory, and a |)retty staunch one, I tell you, "Thinks 1 to myself, 'I'll put you throujr^h yon* paces a little, my young sucking Washington, for fear you will get out of practice when you get back.' " So, sais I, ' how do you get on now? I suppose responsible government has put an end to all complaints, nain'i it?* " Sais he, ' Mr Slick,' and I saw he felt sore, for he looked like it, and talked like it ; ' Mr Slick,' said he, * kinder niblin' at the (jiK'stion, I have no remonstrance to make. There is some- thing very repulsive in a complaint. I can't bear the sound of it myself. It should never be pronounced but in the ear of a doctor, or a police magistrate. Your man with a grievance is everywhere voted a bore. If he goes to the Colonial OlTice with one, that stout gentleman at the door, the porter, who has the keys of that realm of knowledge and bliss, and knows as much and has as many airs as his master, soon receives an order not to admit him. " ' Worn out with fatigue and disappointment, the unfortu- nate suitor finds at last his original grievance merged in the greater one, that he can obtain no hearing and no redress, and he returns to his own province, like Franklin, or the Australian delegate, with thoughts of deep revenge, and visions of a glo- rious revolution that shall set his countrymen free from foreign dominion. He goes a humble suppliant, he returns an impla- cable rebel. The restj3ss Pole, who would rather play the part of a freebooting officer than an honest farmer, and who prefers even begging to labour, wanders over Europe and America, ut- tering . 'xecrationa against all monarchs in general, and his own in part 'ular, and, when you shake your head at his oft-told tale of fictitious patriotism, as he replaces his stereotyped memorial in his pocket, exhibits the handle of a stiletto, with a savage smile of unmistakeable scoundrelism.* " * Poles loom large,' sais I, * in the fogs of London, but they dwindle into poor sticks with us.' " Tie was in no temper however to laugh. It was evident he felt deeply, but he was unwilling to exhibit the tender spot. ' The world, Sir,' he said, ' is full of grievances. Papineau's par- liament mustered ninety-two of them at one time, and a Fal- mouth packet-ship actually foundered with its shifting cargo. What a pity it is that their worthlessness and lightness alone caused them to float! The English, who reverse every whole- I THE nrNDLi: of sticks. 2oD Bonie nia\im, in thiM instaiict^ pursued tlicir usual rourso. T!if si.'ii^t' advice, parccre sithjrcfis, ct ihbilore m/prrbng, was din. rei^iirded. Tlie loyalistsH sullered, the an'OLjaut and turbulent triuinj)lu'd. Every house, »Sir, in the kiui^doni is infested ^vith "grievances. Fathers ijrieve over the extravagances of their sons, the f^iddiness of their daui^lit<>rs, and the ceaseless nuirniurs of their uives, >vhile they in their turn unite in coniplainint; of )arental parsimony and meanness. Social intercourse 1 havo oui; sine; given np, for 1 am tired of tedious narratives of tho delinquenci^Vi of servants and the degeneracy of the times. I prefer large parties, where, although you know the smile hides the peevish temper, the aching heart, the jealous fear, and tho wounded pride ; yet it is such a great satisfaction to know there is a truce to complaints, that I prefer its many fal.sehoods to unceasing wailings over the sad realities of life.' "This was no answer, but something to blulfme olV. I saw he was unwilling to speak out, and that it was a mere etVort to button up and evade the subject. So to draw him out, I said, "'Well, there is one thing you can boast, Canada is tho most valuable and beautiful appendage of the Britisli Crown.' " ' England may boast of it as such,' he said, ' but I have no right to do so. I prefer being one of the pariahs of the empire, a mere colonist, having neither grade nor caste, without a country of my own, and without nationality. I am a humble man, and when I am asked where I come from, readily answer, the Chaudiere liiver. AV^here is that ? Out of the world ? Extra Jfamma?itia limina mundi. AV^hat is the name of your country ? It is no»; a country, it is only a place. It is better to have no flag than a borrowed one. If I liad one I should have to defend it. If it were w^'ested from me I should be disgraced, while my victorious enemy would be thanked by the Imperial Legislature, and rewarded by his sovereign. If I were trivnnphant, the affair would be deemed too small to merit a notice in the Gazette. He who called out the militia, and quelled amid a shower of halls the late rebellion, was knighted. He who assented amid a shower of eggs to a bill to iudenniify the rebels, was created an earl. Now to pelt a governor-general with eggs is an overt act of treason, for it is an attempt to throw off the yoke. If therefore he Avas advanced in the peerage for remunerating traitors for their losses, he ought now to assent to another act for reimbursing the expenses of the exhausted stores of the poultry yards, and be made a marquis, unless the British see a difference between a rebel mob and an indignant crowd, be- tween those whose lite has been spent in hatching mischief, and those who desired to scare the foul birds from their rests. '71 "ilil: 2G0 THE BUNDLE OF STICKS. " ' If that man had hern a colonist, the dispatch marked 'private' would have said, 'It sarved you rifjht,' whereaH it an- nounced to him, ' You are one of us,' and to mark our appro- bation of vour conduct, you may add one of these savoury mis- Biles to your coat of arms, that others may be ejt/ed on to do their duty. Indeed, we couldn't well have a flag of our own. The Americans have a very appropriate and elegant one, con- taining stripes emblematical of their slaves, and stars to re- present their free states, while a Connecticut goose typifies the gootl cheer of thanksgiving day. It is true we have the honour of fighting under that of England ; but there is, as we have seen, this hard condition annexed to it, we must consent to be taxed, to reimburse the losses of those whom by our gallantry we sub- due. If we take Sebastopol, we must pay for the damage we have done. AVe are not entitled to a separate flag, and I am afraid if we had one we should be subject to ridicule. A pure white ground would prefigure our snow drifts ; a gull with out- spread wings, our credulous qualities ; and a few discoloured eggs, portray our celebrated missiles. But what sort of a flag would that be ? No, Sir, these provinces should be united, and they would from their territorial extent, their commercial enter- prise, their mineral wealth, their wonderful agricultural pro- ductions, and, above all, their intelligent, industrious, and still loyal population, in time form a nation second to none on earth ,* until then I prefer to be a citizen of the world. " ' I once asked an Indian where he lived, I meant of course where his camp was, but the question was too broad, and puzzled him. Stretching out his arm and describing a circle with his heel, he said, ' I live in all these woods ! ' Like him, I live in all this world. Those who, like the English and Americans, have appT-opriated so large a portion of it to themselves, may severally boast, if they think proper, of their respectiye goyern- meuts and territories. My boast. Sir, is a peculiar one, that I have nothing to boast of.' " ' If such are your views,' I said, * I must say, I do not un- derstand that absurd act of firing your parliament house. It is, I assure you, reprobated everywhere. ()ur folks say your party commenced as old IlunJcers * and ended as Barnburners.'' * ""We have been requested to give a definition of tliis term, * Old Hun- kers.' Party nicknames arc not often logically justified ; and we can only say that that section of the late dominant party in this State (the democratic) wiiich claims to be the more radical, progressive, reformatory, &c., bestowed the appellation of ' Old Hunker ' on the other section, to indicate that it was distinguished by opposite qualities from those claimed for itself. "We beiiev« the title was also intended to indioate that tlmse on whom ii was conferred had au appetite for a large ' hunk ' of the spoils, though wo never could dis- irlicd t aii- |)])r<)- niis- to do own. , con- to re- es the lonour 3 seen, taxed, e siib- ige we d I am A. pure th out- Dloured f a flag ed, anil 1 enter- •al pi'o- md still 1 earth ,• f course puzzled with his live in lericans, es, may govern- i, that I not un- it is, ur party le Old Hun- n only say eraccratic) , bestowed ■hat it was Ve believe conferred could dis- THE KUXDLE OF STICKS. 2G1 "That remark threw him ofT his guard; he rose up greatly agitated ; his eves flaslied tire, and he extended out his arm as if he intended bv gesticulation to give full force to what lie was about to say. lie stood in this attitude for a moment without uttering a word, when by a sudden eflbrt he mastered himself, and took up his hat to walk out on the terrace and recover his composure. " As he reached the door, he turned, and said : "'The assenting to that infamous indemnity act, IVfr Slick, and the still more disreputable manner in which it received the gubemational sanction, has produced an impression in Canada that no loyal man — ' but he again checked himself, and left the sentence unfinished. " I was sorry I had pushed him so hard, but the way he tried to evade the subject at first, the bitterness of his tone, and the exciter "nt into which the allusion threw him, convinced me that the English neither know who their real friends in Ca- nada are, nor how to retain their aft'ections. " When he returned, I said to him, * I was only jesting about your having no grievances in Canada, and I regret having agi- tated you. I agree with you however that it is of no use to re- monstrate with the English public. They won't listen to you. If you want to be heard, attract their attention, in the first in- stance, by talking of their own immediate concerns, and while they are regarding you with inte^^^se interest and anxiety, by a sleight of hand shift the dissolving view, and substitute a sketch of your own. For instance, says you, ' How is it the army in the Crimea had no tents in the autumn, and no huts in the winter — the hospitals no fittings, and the doctors no nurses or medi- cines ? How is it disease and neglect have killed more men than the enemy ? TV hy is England the laughing-stock of Eus- sia. and the butt of French and Yankee ridicule ? and how does it happen this country is filled with grief and humiliation from one end of it to the other ? I will tell you. These affairs were managed hi/ a branch of the Colonial Office. The minister for that department said to tlie army, as he did to the distant pro- vinces, ' Manage yo\ir own afiairs. and don't bother us.' Then pause and say, slowly and emphatically, ' You now have a taste of what we have endured in the colonies. The same incompetency has ruled over hoik.'' " cover that they won peculiar in that. On the other hand, the opposite school was termed ' Banilmrners,' in allusion to the story of an old Dutchman, who relieved himself of rats by buniinj^ his barns, which they infested — ^just like exterininatini^ all banks and corporations to root out the abuses connected therewith. The fitness or unfitness of these family tcrma of endcarracnt is none of our business." — New Youk Tridlne. m > - 1 ' i W w 2G2 THE nUNDLK OF .STICKS. "'Good heavens,' said ho, 'Mr Slick, I wish you was one of us.' "'Thank you for the coiuplimont,' sais T. ' I feci iiattored, I assure you; but, excuse inc. 1 have no such ambition. 1 am content to be a humble Yankee dockiiiaker. A Colonial Ojjice, in icliich there is not a single man that ever saw a colonji, is not exactly the f/overnment to suit vie. The moment I found my master knew less than I did, I quit his school and set up Jur myself.' ' Yes, my friend, the Enp;li.sh want to liave the mirror lield up to them ; but that is your business and not mine. It Avould be out of place for me. I am a Yankee, and politics are not my line ; I have no turn for them, and I don't think I have the requisite knowledge of the subject for discussing it ; but you have both, and I wonder you don't. "Now, Doctor, you may judge from that conversation, and the deep feeling it exhibits, that men's thouglits are wandering in new channels. The great thing for a statesman is t:» direct them to the right one. 1 have said tliere were three courses to be considered ; first, incorporation with England ; secondly, in- dependence ; thirdly, annexation. The subject is too large for a quarter-deck walk, so I will only say a few words more. Let's begin with annexation first. The thinking, reflecting people among us don't want these provinces. AYe guess we are l)ig enough already, and nothing but our great rivers, canals, rail- roads, and telegraphs (which, like skewers in a ro;i7\d of beef, fasten the unwieldy mass together) could possibly keep v- u.\ired. Without them we should fall to pieces; in no time. 1 1 sa as in'^ch as they can keep all tight and snug now ; but them skovvors uor no others can tie a greater bulk than we have. AYell, I don't think colonists want to be swamped in our vast republic either. So there ain't no great danger from that, unless the devil gits into us both, which, if a favourable chance ollered, he is not onlikely to do. So let that pass. Secondly, as to incorporation. That is a grand idea, but it is almost too grand for John Bull's head, and a little grain too large for his pride. There are difliculties, and serious ones, in the way. It would require participation in the legislature, r/hicli would involve knockinsr off some of the Irish brigade to iuiVe room for your members ; and there would be a Imrrush at thf t. aj O' Jonnell used to say, that would bang Banaghar. It would also involve an invasion of the upper liouse, for colrul^t-. vvout take half a l.-af now, I tell you; which would mMk^ "'orri.* o tlusr gouty old lords fly round cud scream like Mt ! i.uf Cary'iH ('hickens iu ;j gale of wind ; and then there would be tb.; ."-tu; r o^ the national debt, and a })articipa- L8 one stored, 1 nil) OJice, oiii/, iit (lid my up Jur IT lield would ire not ive tlie lUt vou on, and idering » direct irses to dly, in- irge for ?. Let's people are big ds, rail- of beef, u.iired. •'n's :ior 1 don't e either, nrits into onlikely That I's head, i cullies, at ion in of the 'e would lid bang e upper .^11 you ; und and Lud then articipa- TIIE IJL'NDLE OF STICKS. 2G3 tinn in iniponnl taxes to adjust, and so on; but none of these dillicuhit's are inHujuTabk'. "A utatesnian with a clever head, a S' '.:nd jud:j;in('nt, and a good heart, couhl adjust a Hclieme that would Halisfy all; at least it would satisfy colonists In' its justice, and rccoucile the ])('er8 and the ])eople of Engl ind by its expediency, for the day Great Britain parts with these colonies, depend uj)on it, she de- Bceuds in the scale of nations most rapidly. Jndia she may lose any day, for it is a government of opinion only. Australia will emancipate itself ere long, but these provinces sht; may and ought to retain. " Thirdly, independence. This is better for lier than annex- ation by a long chalk, and better for the colonies too, if 1 was nHowed to spend my opinion on it ; but if that is decided upon, something must be done soon. The way ought to be prej)ared for it by an immediate federative and legislative union of them all. It ^s of no use to consult their governors, they don't and t- ^y can't know anything of the country but its roads, lakes, ri'^Ts, and towns; but of the people they know nothing what- \ ( .:r. You might as well ask the steeple of a wooden chiu-ch tvLether the sill that rests on the stone foundation is sound. They are too big according to their own absurd notions, too £mall in the eyes of colonists, and too far removed and unbending to know anything about it. What can a man learn in five years .xctpt the painful fact, that he knew nothing when he came, and knows as little when he leaves ? He can form a better estimate of himself than when he landed, and returns a humbler, but not a sviser man ; but that's all his schoolin' ends in. No, Sirree, it's only men like you and me who know the ins and outs of che people here." " Don't say me," said the doctor, " for goodness' sake, for I know nothing about the inhabitants of these woods and waters, but the birds, the fish, and the beasts." " Don't you include politicians," said I, " of all shades and colours, under the last genus ? because I do, they are regular beasts of prey." AVell, he laughed ; he said he didn't know nothing about them. " Well," sais I, " I ain't so modest, I can tell you, for I do know. I am a clockmaker, and understand machinery. I knoAv all about the wheels, pulleys, pendulum, balances, and so on, the length of the chain, and what is best of all, the way to winf^ 'em up, set 'em a going, and make 'em keep time. Now, Doctor, I'll tell you what neither the English nor the Yankees, nor the colonists themselves, know anything of, and that is about the extent aud importance of these North American provinces t , S&ft THE BUNDLE OF STIC?KS. under British rule. Take your pencil now, and write down a few facts 1 will give you, and when you are alone meditating, just chew on 'em. " First — there are four millions of square miles of territory in them, whereas all Europe has but three millions some odd hundred thousands, and our almighty, everlastin' United States Btill less than that again. Canada alone is equal in size to Great Britain, France, and Prussia. The maritime provinces themselves cover a space aa large as Holland, Belgium, Greece, Portugal, and Switzerland, all put together. The imports for 1853 were between ten and eleven millions, and the exports (ships sold included) between nine and ten millions. At the commencement of the American Revolution, when we first dared the English to fight us, we had but two and a half, these pro- vinces now contain nearly three, and in half a century will reach the enormous amount of eighteen millions of inhabitants. The increase of pop ilation in the States is thirty-three per cent., in Canada sixty-eight. The united revenue ia nearly a million and a half, and their shipping amounts to four hundred and fifty thousand tons. "Now, take these facts and see what an empire is here, surely the best in elimato, soil, mineral, and other productions in the world, and peopled by such a race as no other . untry under heaven can produce. No, !Sir, here are the bundle of sticks, ail the y' want is to be well united. How absurd it seems to us Yankees that England is both so ignorant and so blind to her own interests, as not to give her attention to this interesting portion of the empire, that in natur^'l ant commercial wealth is of infinitely more importance than iialf a dozen "Wallachias and Moldavias, and in loyalty, intelligence, and enterprise, as far superior to turbulent Ireland as it is possible for one country to surf >iiss another. However, Doctor, it's no afiair of mine. I hate p )> itics, and I hate talking figures. Sposin' we try a cigar, and some white satin" CHAPTER XX. TOWN AND COUNTRY. " Doctor," sais I, as we ascended the deck the following morning, " 1 can't tell you how I have enjoyed these incidental TO\VS AND COUNTRY. VS runs on filiore I have had durinpf my cnu'ae in thr * Black IT:»wk.' I am amazin' fond of the couiitrv. and bein' an early risor, I manage to loRe none of it» charms. I like to sec ti)c early Btreak in the east, and look on the glorious sky when the sun rises. I like everything about the country, and the jM'ople that live in it. The town is artifu'ial, the country is natural. AVho- ever sees the peep of the morning in the city but a drowsy "watchman, who waits for it to go to his bed ? a nurse, that is counting the heavy hours, and longs to put out the unsnufled candles, and take a cup of strong tea to keep her ])eepers ()|h>u ; or some houseless WTetch, that is woke up from his nap on a door-step, by a punch in the ribs from the staff of a policeman, •who begrudges the misfortunate critter a luxury he is deprived of himself, and asks him what he is a doin' ot there, aa if he didn't know he had nothin' to do nowhere, and tells him to mizzle oft' home, aa if he took pleasure in reminding him he had none. Duty petrifies these critters' hearts harder than the grand marble porch stone that served for a couch, or the door- step that was used for a pillow. Even the dogs turn in then, for they don't think it's necessary to mount guard any longer. Blinds and curtains are all do^\Ti, and evsry livin' critter is asleep, breathing the nasty, hot, confined, unwholesome air of their bed-rooms, instead of inhaling the cool dewy breeze of heaven. " Is it any wonder that the galls are thin, and pale, and delicate, and are so languid, they look as if they were givin' themselves airs, when all they want is air ? or that the men complain of dygpepsy, and look hollow and unhealthy, having neither c' yeks, stomach, nor thighs, and have to take bitters to get an appetite for their food, and pickles and red pepper to digest it ? The sun is up, and has performed the first stage of his journey before the maid turns out, opens the front door, and takes a look up and down street, to see who is a stirrin'. Early risin' must be cheerfulsome, for she is very chipper, and throws some orange-peel at the shopman of their next neigh- bour, as a hint if he was to chase her, he would catch her be- hind the hall-door, as he did yesterday, after which she would show him into the supper-room, where the liquors and cakes are still standing as they were left last night. " Yes, she is right to hide, for it is decent, if it ain't modest, seein' the way she has jumped into her clothes, and the danger there is of jumping out of them again. How can it be other- wise, when she has to get up so horrid early ? It's all the fault of the vile milkman, who will come for fear his milk will get sour ; and that beast, the iceman, who won't wait, for fear his u 200 TOWN AND COUNTRY. ice will melt ; and that stupid )iiu;i;or who will brush the shoes tlien, he has ho nianv to clean elsewhere. " Ah she stands there, a woman ascends the s^^ep, and pro- duces a l)aHket from under her cloak, into which she looks care- fully, examines its contents (some lace frills, tipj)ets, and col- lars of her mistress, which she wore a few nights asjjo at a ball), and returns with somethinsr heavy in it, for the arm h extended in carrying it, and the stranger disappears. She still lingers, she is expecting some one. It is the postman, he gives her three or four letters, one of which is for herself. She reads it approvingly, and i m carefully puts it into her bosom, but that won't retain it no how she can fix it, so she shifts it to her ]iocket. It is manifest Posty carries a verbal answer, for she talks very earnestly to him, and shakes hands with him at part- ing most cordially. "It must be her turn for a ball to-night I reckon, for a carriage drives very rapidly to within three or four hundred yards of the house, and then crawls to the door so as not to dist • !' the family. A very fashionably-dressed maid is there (her mistress must be very l