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Tous les autres sxemplaires originaux Lont filmds en commengant par la p^emidre page qui comporte une empreinte d'impression ou d'illustration ot en terminant par la dernidre page qui comporte une telle empreinte. Un des symholes suivants apparaitra sur la dernidre image de chaque microfiche, selon le cas: le symbole — ► signifie "A SUIVRE", le symbole V signifie "FIN". Les cartes, planches, tableaux, etc., peuvent dtre filmds d des taux de reduction diffdrents. Lorsque le document est trop grand pour dtre reproduit en un seul cliche, il est filmd d partir de i'angle sup6rieur gauche, de gauche it droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d'images ndcessaire. Les diagrammes suivants illustrent la mdthode. ata ilure. J 2X 1 2 3 4 5 6 '"'^ !X S..^j!lavHf^ Xi)"' /^fz % C|atrital Crip FOB THROUGH CANADA AND THE UNITED STATES. BT CAPIJAIN HORTON (/RHYS, ("MO ETON PBICE.") AutTwr of " Tit for Tat," " FoUy," " AU's Fair in Love and War," &c. &e. .^ LONDON : PUBLISHED FOB THE AUTHOB BY CHARLES DUDLEY, 4, AGAR STREET, WEST STRAND. 1861. I Uis. // 166635 ENTEBKD AT STATIONEBS' HALL THIS UNPBEtBNDING, AND (l TBUST) UNOFrENDlNfl LITTLE VOLUME, IS (BY PEBMISSION), XO HIS GEACE HENRY CHARLES, DUKE OF BEAUFORT, BY HIS OLD SCHOOLFELLOW, CHARLES HORTON RHYS, I" MOKTON PEIOE.") Chadderton Mall, Lancashire, November Ut, 1861. (( ^smmm.. .,■» ADDRESS. FMBND8, R eaders, and Countrymen, until just as I was about sending this my BantUng to be brought out, or, in other words, this my Book to be printed, it never occurred to me that the same shouU have a Dedication. I turned me round in thought, and mentally reviewed the names of those to whom I might apply without fear of refusal, or worse-suspicious or supercilious inquiries into the character of the production to which they were sohcited to stand sponsor. While thus calculating and " concluding," kind Fate conducted me into the presence of an old friend and schoolfellow (may I here throw up my hat. and ciy " Floreat Etona?") whom I had not seen for many years, but of whom I had a keen recollection as a good schoolfellow, alfirst-rate sportsman, and princely patron of all things desemng of patronage. Ere the warm pressure of his hand had left my palm, and the kindly tone of his voice had ceased to echo in my ear, I felt " I shouM have asked him" * • , I did, and the resultlwas, the preceding page. % €^tsixml Crip for a Magtrt c.^«>r^jjj^:^^^,'5r^^ CHAPTER I. Write a Book ! WeU, why shouldn't I ?— many a more stupid fellow than I, ha/e " gone and done it," ere this. Let me see !~educa,ted at Eton, many years in the army at home and abroad, a wanderer in many lands, with a smattering of every language under the sur -ite a Book ! I rather think so — and here goes ! Now I bog, at starting, emphatically to state that if anyl offence at anything I write, I don't care, because it is ail \ founded on fact3, but facts in purihm ; and I would, also, in oiv- avoid the charge of obtaining readers under false pretences, beg to inform all those who being led to suppose, by the title of my book (my book !) that they will gain information as to the time it takes, or the distance you have to travel to get from one place to another, &c., &c., &c., that they will spend their money quite uselessly in purchasing it. This being my maiden effort, I am ignorant whether the Printsr or PubUsher corrects eJl inaccuracies of Spelling, Grammar, and so forth, or not ; I can only hope he does, for I write as I think— flrst come, first served, truth uppermost, and sh^me the D 1, (not the Printer's of that ilk, but the other.) My peregrinations and experiences will go down as I remember them, and at just about the pace that a school- boy commits to paper some few hundred lines of Virgil given him by a2 1 I i^ * A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, his Pedagogue as an "imposition," bo, my dear readers, (my dear readers I" J excuse mistakes, if you please On a very wet February EngUsh evening, or rather night, or I should say a-oming, for it was after midnight, " there migl ' have been seen" a jovial party of some eighteen or twenty persons, all of the gender male, sitting round— that is, up on one side and down the other of a long table in a large room, in a middling-sized Hotel in the greatest Garden in the world— to wit, Covent Garden, in the weU-known City, or adjoining thereto, of London. (Writing this in America, I am obUged to particularize, as there is a London somewhere iu Canada, which is, or was, you know, nart of America; but it is not so large as our London, though that may not be ^ ^eraUy known here. Indeed, I am sure. But I am getting away from the "thread of my narrative.") WeU, this jovial party, that is, a party assembled for the purpose of jollity (jolly old word— all my smattering of language has never enabled me to find a true translation, or equivalent; the French try it, but it isn't a bit Hke it), are so assembled, and it would seem, have been so assembled for some time, ar, sundry empty Champagne bottles and the wretched remains of two swingeing bowls of Punch attest. The con- versation is animated, the subjects thereof entirely Dramatic, Operatic, and thoroughly Theatrical. This Supper Parity is conclusive of an Amateur Performance which lias this night taken place at the * * * * Theatre, half at least of the jolly ones being aiders and abettors therein; the others invited friends, also theacricaJly disposed as far as the wini^ys are concerned, but as yet unknown to the footUghts, aave and excepting one or two, who having occasionaUy exhibited themselves at Trotterbury and Weather- town, think themselves somebodies, but are scarcely recognised as bond fide Amateurs— strong suspicions being extant that these said exhibitions contribute as much to the exhibitors pockets as to their pastime. At the head of the table is seated thf jhairman cf this convivial gathering. He has just resumed his seat amid considerable applause, and -one cheer more" having concluded his "thanks for the honour -' "-*S?**;, s, (my dear ■>, or I sLould ! been seen" the gender le other of a the greatest known City, erica, I am iu Canada, so large as . Indeed, I narrative.") purpose of ever enabled 7 it, but it ave been so lea and the The con- ic. Operatic, ance which at least of lers invited icemed, but r two, who ;d Weather- led as bond exhibitions ime. is convivial B applause, the honour THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 5 they have dono him in drinldng his health/' and, indeed, he has made quite a long speech for an Amateur. The.-e, however, seems to hav'o been matter in this said 8j)eech, at which one or more of those assembled, demur, for shortly after our story opens, and before the small hours bad obtained much size, a conversation ensued which I will presently chronicle. Viewing the whole proceedings with a somewhat cynical eye, and looking upon the "upstanding" p tion as a decided bore, was a round- faced, round-bodied, hairy-looking individual, seated midway down the table ; and next to him, on his right, reposed (for ho appeared to bo asbep — ai; '>ccasional puff of smoke issuing from his Ups, alone deciding him to be aii^mate), a very long man, lank ' hair and limp in body — the latter, av ihe time wc narrate, forming the half ox an O, and his legs two-thirds of j, triangle. Wo will call these individuals Smith and Brown. Smith (Inq.) " So you really think, R , that it is po:3sible for an Amateur to be as good as a Professional ?" R., " Undoubtedly. I, of course, mean a gentleman / \d,\euT. Somo of oiu- best actors were amateurs, and were as good then as they are now. Toole, of the Adelphi, for instance." S., (superciliously) " Ah, a low-comedy man." R., "Exactly." S., " I am speaking of the line of business you prefer." R., "Which is that?" S., " Light comedy, Charley Mathews, eh ?" (nudging the limp man.) Brown (slightly t harting) " Eh ?— yes, good !" R., " Oh, light comedy. Well, what have you to say about light comedy '?" S., " Simply, that no man that isn't bred up to the profession " Fi. -^.Tious Listener (interrupting) " Sire, actjr — dam, actress." S., " I didn't say that." Same Party. " No one said you did." (slight laughter unpleasant to Smith.) . ■,-; 6 A THEATKICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, S., "I say that no man that hasn't studied the Profession with a view to adopting at from his youth can ever be a finished, or even tolemble hght comedian-a CharUs Surface, a IU>vcr, a Don C and with a company of Professionals " R., " I have already done so." S., " Once " R., "Once. But you are monopolizing all the conversation. Do bnng your catechism to an end, and let us know the drift of it." S., " I should hke to know whether you, a crack Amateur, as I suppose you consider yourseK, seriously think that you could make money by acting, where you would not be recognised and receive the leniency usually shown to an Amateur." R., " Seriously, I feel sure I could." S., " Bravo ! That song you sang was your own composition, wasn't it ?" tf p THEOUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. t K., " Did you ever hear it before ?" S., "No, aaid don't care if I never hear it again." R., " Ah, somebody told me the ether day ' 'twas a pity Smith ever attempted to eing,' " S., "Indeed. Do you think you would have been encored in it, if you had been a Professional, and the song written by some one else'^" R., " Of course, I do." S., " Ha, ha 1 Why, my dear sir, you wouldn't, couldn't, as a singer and actor, make five pounds in a fortnight." R., "I would make five hundred in a year !" S., " I'll bet you five hundred you don't !" R., (excited) "Done! There's a fiver (producing a piece of paper representing that amount) to sign articles to-moiTow morning!" S., " Agreed. Where are you ?" (pocketing the note.) R., " Your sleepy friend there, knows. Come with him, I fancy he wiU go you halves. Two o'clock. Lunch, and an amicable arrangement of our argument— to the tune of a monkey:'^ This being acceded to by Smith, and meeting with an approvirg grunt from his particular friend, Brown, thus ended the "commence- ment du fin" of my wager— in the bold attempt to v.dn which all that IS, m this to-be-celebrated book narrated, occurred. This httle matter settled, and Messrs. Smith and Brown silenced for awhile, the remainder of the evening passed merrilv enough ; and having only thus recorded the Pariy, that aU whom it may concern shaU know the ongin of my having cause for thus "rushing into print" I will dismiss it forthwith, and proceed to place before my readers a 'verbatim copy of a document to which I, in conjunction with Messrs. Smith and Brown, appended our autographs before three o'clock of the afternoon of the day follovdng that of the Party. February 13th, 1859. We, the undersigned A. Smith and B. Brown, conjointly bet Captain H. R., the sum of five hundred pounds that he does not iu any country other t' -^ - ■ ' * (I Great Britain or Ireland, by his Tattereall" slang, meaning £500. uucrns as an 8 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, actor, author, singer, or composer, sepamtely or coUectively clear the sum of five hundred pounds over and above aU expenses other than those of Board and Lodging and personal expenditure. We, the under- signed, further agree that Captain H. R., shaU be permitted to take vith him and employ, as assistant, any actress he may choose, provided she has not up to this present date appeared as an actress in London Liverpool, or Manchester, and has not played an engagement as leading lady m any Theatre whatever; and it is further stipulated that any engagement she may play singly shaU not be included in the terms of this wager. Twelve calendar months from the date of his (Captain H. R.'s) first appearance in such country as he may select, to be the time aUotted for the completion of his task, and the bet to be won or lost in eighteen calendar months from the date of this agreement We hereby make a deposit of fifty pounds (Captain H. R., doing the same) and the whole of the money. One Thousand Pounds (£600 aade) to be' made good on or before the Eighteenth day of March next, when to prevent the possibility of after-dispute. Captain H. R., is to name the lady whom he lias engaged to accompany him and determine the day of his departure. It is further stipulated that Captatm H. R shall travel and make and play his engagements under an assumed and fictitious name, and shall not, previous to, or upon his arrival at each p^ace as he may determine upon visiting, make his real name known • and shall abstain from calling on private fi-iends or newspaper editors' and from signing his own name to any play, or pamphlet, or letter • and we, the undersigned, hereby agree to abide by ^he returns of expendil ture and profits which shall be furnished to us from time to time by Captain H. R. The same being guaranteed to be true and correct upon word and honor, as an officer and a gentlemen. And to this we do now append our names. A. Smith. B. Brown. I, the undei-signed, hereby agree to all and each of the foregoing agreements and conditions. H. E. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. ly, clear the other than B, the under- ;ted to take )se, provided in London, it as leading 3d that any tie terms of is (Captain to be the be won or 3ment. We f the same), fflde) to be :t, when, to name the le the day 1. R., shall sumed and val at each le known ; er editors, or letter; >f expendi- time by ttd correct this we m. WN. foregoing This interesting and novel Document being safely deposited in the hands of a gentleman, better known to Sporting than Theatrical circles, I bestirred me forthwith to carry out an idea which had occurred to mo at the time of making the wager. A short time previous, I had gone by invitation to assist in some Amateur Performances at Exeter and Plymouth, and there I had seen a young actress, whom I shall call Lucille, whose great beauty of voice, extreme youth, and lady-like deportment had much interested me. It flashed upon me when my opponents, Messrs. Smith and Brown, were comforting themselves in the thought that they had pretty well shut me out of all chance of obtaining any great female talent, that this was my chance, if I could persuade her to brave the perils of the deep, &c., &c. I may here state I had quite determined on making America and Canada the field of my operations. So off I wrote to Edinburgh, where I knew she was then playing at the Theatre Royal (since transmogrified, I hear, into a Post Office) third to the Misses St. George and Louice Keeleyi got a satisfactory answer, and thereupon arranged for her to close her engagement and to meet me at Leamington, which she did shortly, accompanied by her mother. We then played with the A. B. C. Club (Amateurs), and I, of course, was only too delighted to see that Lucille, in her debut, under my management, made before a most fastidious audience, a decided hit as an actress ; she played the small but pretty part of Mary, in Naval Engagements. In her singing I had already full confidence, and my grand object was now to obtain for her a London appearance, and (I prayed) success. This was speedily effected through Mr. M., the agent of the lessee of Drury Lane, who was in want of a prima donna to take the part of Susan, in Mr. TuUy's ne> opera of William and Susan (pirated, of course, from the celebrated drama of that name), which, after one or two delays, was produced at the said theatre on the 28th of February, to a crowded house ; and I am sure the veritable Mons. Dufard, in The First Night, never felt more excited for the success of his " ',hild, Rose," than did I for the success of this young lad v. Rnfficc it to say that she was encored in her first song (the only solo set down for her in B 10 A THEATBICAL TEIP FOR A WAGER, Mi i the piece), andplayed and sang throughout well enough to elicit the praise of the London Press, without exception. The opera ran until the close of the season, and great was the surprise and demur of Messrs Smith and Brown when, on the Eighteenth day of March, I notided to them that I had selected the prima donna of Drury Lane to accompany me across the Atlantic ! They had, however, no help for it, the bond ran thus: "provided she has not up to this present date appeared," &c., &o. The twenty-third of April arrived, the Cunard steamer, " Niagara " (Capt. Millar), sailed from Liverpool, and amongst the passengers " might have been observed" a gentleman and two ladies busily engaged in watching their man servant making frantic efforts to fish out what was wanted, from what was not, of an apparently endless confusion of luggage ior safe consignment to the said ladies' and gentleman's cabins, or state rooms, as they are, in the lumis-a-non4ucendo style, termed. I have just read a book, entitled " Weld's Vacation Tour through the United States and Canada," wherein is such an admirable description of a similar voyage, that to save myself the trouble of writing, and also the possible charge of piracy, I will refer my readers to Mr. Weld for all information of the incidents, accidents, amusements, and occupations concomitant to a passage across the Atlantic, and say no more of the trip than conduces to the safe conduct of my story. i: ll I!: \ THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 11 ns, or state CHAPTER ir. My pleasure was great on finding among the passengers a certain Captain B., who having got tired of soldiering at home, had effected an exchange from the 13th Light Infantry into the Canadian Eifles, and was on his way to join. This was a blessing— we were a " Party" forthwith, and as we were fortunate enough to have a beautiful passage, the said party managed to pass the ten days it took our good ship to accomplish the distance to Halifax, very jollily, (this word will often occur, as I like it.) We had occasional Concerts in the saloon, grave affairs, save when Captain B., in singing " The Cork Leg," and acting the same, a lurch of the vessel conducted him to a premature conclusion in the lap of some young lady, or when the Purser, who was a f;ort of nautical ^aw Coit'eW, allowed his feelings to carry him away into comicalities which sent the men portion of his audience into a roar, and the ladies out of the saloon in confusion. Oh, my fellow voyagers, remember ye "My jolly ould sthick !" Wonderful games of fVhist, in which I did not join, and " Shuffle-board," which I did ; then we had a never-failing source of amusement in the presence of a remarkably tall individual, who suffered us (whom he good-naturedly called youngsters, though I question if some of xis were not quite as old, and older than himself), to play all sorts of games with. We then called him " Long Tom," so shall I now, and should ae see these pages, he will thereby know I bear him in pleasant memory. Captain B's skirmishes with him were incessant, and the passengers would frequently form themselves into a sort of Box audience to witness the absurdities that passed between them. One day it was carried in council that " Long Tom" was far too good a fellow, and a great deal too large an object to go at large any longer, and that, for his own sake, it were advisable that he should be placed under surveillance. Conse- quently it was determined that he should be sold to the highest bidder '•I i 'll': 12 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, absentees at fee t til f^™""," "»' ™P «'«1' benefit W Well on .l.„ / ■ ""* ■'"*'«"' saw- well, on tile evening of our tenth dar we touched at H.lf tl.e flist time looked down upon the land If T ' '"'^ *"' lamps thereof for it „n= , / i America* or rather the -ereignt. of our Oracious Ouee;::n1i:rV:X;:oT^^ As soon as the vessel was alongside the \Vl„rf . siegers were a posse of ".oi,,." „ffi 7 , "'' """"S other be- until the, hadLnd the 'o^ct ^^^^ I^^^'^ ^Z ^:^::z::^::::7^r ™-^- - - - s^" sh.pe of a younrrn'who "' '"" "'""^^ """'« ^^ ^ *« o^s"»emiiit:.,sr:;;^;rt:eiiX:^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "an was something between a soldier and a civi^^lt „ f ■' "" ff'""- "-- teen long ere this dispensed Th f'r „, , 7'"' mistaken more than is my wont one of ,., u , ' '"'' ^ ™ -~-~^ l]^!'!i_^^^_^f_Aebeiore-mentioned offlcera • Novo Sootia 8tricllv BMalitio T^ ^TTT port and tej of .,„ New 1?^ -"'"'""^^"ii^^^S^W^^^Si^^^^^niTS f -^ » competition — , I forget property, but assed away" ODg friend ence make ^ one had benefit bv board the you get is IX, and for rather the outline of mder the other be- clattered who had she gave er in the easaut of ce," and y proved laughter le Irish- ) either, predict IS I am officers the first i Ill I ' had took pile 1 by t: harn "pa rigil opin: auth be it equa! a m^ insol Tl upon enoDj soldie much much types gave most Covei Is] as I s parley ture u On very s shore I am ( David it, the THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. is had somewhere seen, some time before, the young lady ; at all events he took great care of her, and poor « Pill-Garlick" looked on from amid a pile of wraps, &c., with a most dejected countenance. 1 was quite astonished at the amount of swagger possessed and shown by these gentleraen-I mention it not that the said swagger did me any harm, or because any of them trod on my toes, without begging my '^pawdonr but, that any young officer (of course an old one is incor- rigiblc) who may chance to read this book, may know an old one's opmion on mihtary swagger. It is the worst swagger of all .'-that of brief authority, that of wealth, title, beauty-(oh yes, beauty swaggers too, be It in woman or man ; proud beauty, impudent beauty, swaggers equally m its own feshion), -these are bad enough, but the swagger of a m^n m a red coat is unendurable ; it approaches nearer to the msolence of Flunkeyism than anything else. Tliere were a good many Americans on board, and their remarks uponthe«o#s/mm"of some of these embryo warriors were smart enough ; Americans form their opinions, in a great measure, of EngUsh soldiers from those they see at Hahfax. In the Canadas they are so much scattered, and, by the constant stream of American visitors so much Americanized, that they are hardly looked upon by the latter as types of English soldiery. Nor are they ; for if an officer in Canada gave hunself the absurd airs, i.e. swagger, that many, indeed, most of most of them do. in her Majesty's colonies, he would be sent to Coventry by both Americans and Canadians. I shaU not beg pardon forthis digression, as is the Novelist's wont for as I said before, I shaU say what 1 like, and, therefore, -nthout furthe^ parley take up my story from the time of my fellow passengers depar- ture under safe, that is, mihtary escort. On inquiry, we found that our ship would rest from her labo-ors for a very short time, and that any one desirous of stretching their leas on shore had better be sharp about it. Naturally, as an everyday mltter I am one of the coolest and most self-collected of human beings (friend David, I turn to thee for confirniflt^nTi of th^ oo-,- n ti- i ;. ., ,, ,, , ..ame;! ±xu\y uappened It, then, that for many hours before the vessel reached the Wharf, and '?« I' 14 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, as she steamed past the long line of lights reflected in the darkness of the night, on, down, and through the murky waters, like Phosphoric flashes — how was ii thp,t this self-collected gentleman might have been, and teas noticed to be suffering under considerable nervous excitement ? Not the joyous excitement visible in the faces of many who were then gazing for the first time on as much as they could see of a fresh land, nor yet the exc'tement of some, consequent on unfounded suspicion that the Boston baggage might by some jugglery be sent ou shore at Halifax ; not either the excitement of meeting frieuds, for I had none to meet, but 1 must digress again. Know ye then, oh my readers, that from youth upward3 I had been superstitious — my family have ever been so. I would see a ladder " somewhere first" before I would go underneath it; looking at the new moon through glass was bad luck '#1' a month ; not taking off my hat to a Magpie, when going hunting, {myself not the Magpie) was pro- vocative of a blank day, or prognostic of a broken collar-bone, cum maltis aliis of such like. In Mesmerism I had, reasonably, a moderate confidence, but up to a month previous to my leaving England I had a profound contempt for all believers in spirit-rapping, and about that time communicated the same to a friend of mine who happened to be dining •with me at the Regent Hotel, Leamington. " Well," said my friend (whom I will call Jones) " I am rather glad to hear you say so," (referring to my expressed disbelief;) "for though you laugh at spirit-rapping, you seem to believe in the active agency of spirits over our thoughts and deeds." R., " For good or evil, yes." J., " Please explain, before I tell you something ahont spirit-rapping, how you think spirits influence thought and deed ?" R., '• Simply thus : One spirit sayeth ' It is very nice ;' the other, • It is very icrong' — the flesh hsteneth and answereth ' It is delightful.' The knowledge replieth ' It is wicked ;'— the worldly man he tosseth up, and chance directs his action ; the righteous man instanter sides with the better spirit, and the twain tumble back the worse to his master, the D 1, for fresh instructions." THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. IS ' J., " What an extraordinary idea !" . K., •' It is mine, and now for yours." J., " You have seen my eldast boy ; he is a medium." R, "A how much 1" J., " A vehicle for cor.veying messages between the mortal and immortal." • R., " A sort of male coach, eh ? ' J,, " Good ; but 1 want to be serious. This child has told me extraordinary things ; he is very delicate, and his mother objects strongly to hia being employed as a spirit-questioner." R., " Sensible woman !" (sotto voce, I saw Jones was in earnest.) J., " But if you would hke to have your eyes opened and your disbelief a little shaken, come home with me, and I will get him to try," R., " Done with you, let us " J,, " One moment ; I must tell you through this child some months ago, I was told of the death of a near and dear relative in Pennsylvania." R., " That must have been the Spirit of the Atlantic Cable !" J., " Come along, you must judge for yourself " In half-an-hour I was in Jones' house, and watching, with a great deal more interest than I expected, the performance of the child, who, seated in front of a closed cottage piano with his small hands rested thereon, was seriously engaged asking the following question : — '• Are there any spirits in the room ?" My whispered reply, "Whisky," was almost sternly reproved by Jones, who seemed to have his life depending on the expected answer, which I was assured would come in the shape of a knock if any there were, and sure enough come it did, louJ, clear, and imperative. " Who the dickens did that ?" I said, certainly startled. "Hush!" ' " How many spirits are present ?" whined the small boy, wherupon came a succession of knocks, raps, scratches and creakings, out of which Jones counted ^/fy or sixty, and in amazement I looked round the little f \\ ES AND CANADA. 99 Yorker will " guess" the birthplace of every one of his own countrymen he meets on llroadway, and, at the present time of writing, my ex- perience h ./ing enlarged itself since fij t jotting down these notes, I think I could do, two out of five. Five ! — yes, dear reader,,/? w. How many sorts, in the name of wonder, are there ? Well, I don't know, but I'll give you a few of them. Therj are the Down Eastera (Bostonites), Connecticut Yankees, Southerners (Kentuck- ians), the F. F. Vs. South Carolinians and North do, (supposed to be the meanest people in the world), Georgians, Pennsylvanians, Creoles, Louisianians, Alabaraas, Mississipians, New Jerseyites, Texans, Cali- lornians, Pike's Peak rowdies, the Illinois, and Indiana suckers, to say nothing of the Bowery bo-hoys and ga-hals, and Broadway swells, cum mtdtis aliis — all differing as widely in character and costume as a Kaffir from a Christian. This motley lot usually condense themselves inside the ground-floor windows, and outside and around the doors of Hotels, Boarding Houses, &c., ever and anon taking a stroll down and up the Broadway to stretch their legs, and stare any stray pretty girl oat of countenance. They, however, are not worse in that Une than our own Club Loafers ; indeed, the first named are, perhaps, the better of the twain. These, about four o'clock, become mingled with a rapidly increasing crowd of well — oi females. (Holloa, stranger, draw it mild !) I arrived in New York, you must bear in mind, in May, 1859, and at that time a fashion existed of wearing an extent of hoops and crinoline, perfectly ludicrous ; I do not hesitate to say that had one of these ladies appeared in one of our English towns, the gamins would have had a fine chance ; however, time has passed, and so in a great measure has the enormity of this folly, but at the time of which we are inditing, there it was, in all its greatness, and Broadway was enveloped in the garments of Beauty. Are the American ladies handsome ? Well, I guess I have been in a good many countries " where Beauty most doth dwell," and I was never so struch with woman's face before ; but 'hsmcf those"buts"^ thsrs are two p.orts of beauty o?i Broadwav— the beauty 80 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, of Nature and the beauty of Art, and my mental exclamations of, " What a beautiful girl ! ' " What a well made-up woman !" ^vill explain all that i8 necessary. Ladies no longer possessed of the bloom of youth, and with little claim to mature/ charms,- go in at the hare's-foot, puff, paint pot, pearl powder, and Indian ink, with Vestris-like skill, and the uninitiated are dumbfoundered at their brilliance. We of the Green- room (ahem !) know it at a glance — however, the loveliness of American women, " without paint," is an institution of itself, and I bow at its shrine. Broadway is misnamed — it should rather have been called Longyray, for the pavements are narrow, and the road in no part more than 40ft. or 60ft. wide. The shops, or stores as they are called, are magnificent in appearance ; there is nothing in Regent- street equal to numbers in Broadway. I propose, before I shut my book, describing the cost and method of building a marble store. Who, that is theatrically inclined or acquainted, has not heard and read of the name of Brough ? Alas ! one of that name, since my return to England, has by his death caused many an enemy to the Profession and Professional writers, to point the finger of imchristian contempt at Professional want of thrift, Professional carelessness of the u. jrrow. Professional dislike to purchasing the Provisional Parachute for the Professional rainy day. With William Brough, of Brooklyn's special permission, I beg to introduce him to you, reader. William Brough, uncle to the " Brothers Brough," a naturalised Yankee, and confirmed Englishman, withal a good fellow, called on m' soon after we arrived ; Jacobus had written to him, as being one thoroughly " posted" in all theatrical matters, and who would, and could, put rae in the path to fame, and winning my wager. I found him a treat; full of anecdote, fond of Whisky in moderation, and awfully addicted to Gout. We went into business as quickly as possible. I found that New York, as far as theatricals were conce: led, was rapidly going out of to-vn, and dull as the pro- verbial ditch-water. There was but one theatre " Th« Metropolitan" (now a. ' THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 81 '3*1 called the Winter Garden), where we could get an appearance, which we BhorUy arranged with the then lessee, Mr 0., to take place on Monday, May 22nd, We were to take half the house after the deduction of a certain sum for expenses. And here, oh my English brethren and followers, let me warn you, should the insanity of supposing you can do better in America than in your own country, seize upon your disordered mind, and you follow your bent, beware of " sharing homes." Be you clever as you may, be your Houses, as they should bo—" All orders, my dear Sir," or " Madam," will be the manager's response to all pecuniary inquiries. You have no redress, no alternative, but to take what he giv .a you ; and if you are independent, throw up the engugement, or if otherwise, play upon the same complimentary terns. We played on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to average houses in my own operetta, All's Fair in Love and War, Delicate Ground, Perfection, and Loan of a Lover. We were calUd each night, and my Epilogue met with a most flattering reception, but (oh, those huts again !) the Press, to a man, cut me up — apropos of which, I must narrate a little incident. On the first night after I had played in tho operetta, and Delicate Ground, feeling myself somewhat dry, I went round to a restaurant, near the Theatre, and while imbibing a " cocktail," the following question and answer mei my ears, and at once, amused and disgusted me :— • " Have you been into the Met ? I hear this Captain is not so bad." " Not I," spoken thickly ; " I'm not going to write critique? .on Amateurs. I guess he won't get much out of me." In a few moments an acquainfauoe came in and forthwith introduced me to the last speaker, " Mr. Wiggins, of ' The Trumpeter' newspaper." Mr. W., looked stupidly surprised, and did publish a critique the reverse of complimentary— ^inc iUcB lachryma—" fair play is a jewel, but not Mr. W's motto. " The General," a leading paper, did me the honor of criticising me as follows. The italics are my own. " Captain Price announces himself as ' an Amateur,' very unwisely, we think, as he is not good enough player to overbalance that Amateur impression, and the really good points of anting he developes are lost .( 82 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, sight of by an audience prepared to expect cnideness and less than mediocrity In certain parts of his playing of 6'irt«mSa7i^roirf he deserves warm applause, and receives it." " Captain Morton Price obeyed an enthusiastic call at the conclusion of the piece^ and spoke a witty and novel Epilogue, which was well received. However, playgoing folk are a little shy of amat.eur$, &c., &c" —Trihutitt. Turn we now to more pleasanter matter. Lucille became a favorite with her audience the moment she appeared, and succeeded in eliciting from some of the coldest houses we had the misfortune to play to, un- mistakeable applause. Feeling, in the ignorance of our hearts, that we had made a success, we invested any number of cents in the purchase of newspapers. Judge then of the r,tate of my appetite when I perused such ill-natured and discrepant notices as the following : " The gentleman cannot be said to possess brilliant histrionic talents, but he is an exceedingly pleasing, agreeable actor, and sings with much taste. The lady is decidedly clever, and cannot fail becoming a great fiavcrite." Again, " The Captain obeyed a unanimous complimentary call, and thereupon spoke an amusirg doggrel Epilogue, which excited great attention and applause ; in the main he did not ' hit.' " In justice to my fair coadjutor, I will here extract the following compliment to herself from the Express : — " Miss Lucette is an artist of extraordinary promise ; she is very young, very pretty— a pure English blonde, with a mass of that peculiar blonde hair so seldom seen in perfection in this country, and quite natural and unaffected in her acting. The Tribune was right in saying that she made the most perfect sucoesj achieved here for many years by an EngUsh actress." On the Wednesday night I ventured to inqui)e whf t the business was like ; and received for my reply, " No money !' I asked my informant, who was my friend Brough, to " be kind enough to say that again," and on his doing so, " Up sticks !" was the order ; and without our illus- trious names in the bills-, the honorable losses nla^sd tn empt" benches for the remainder of the week, and was obliged to shut up shop. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 8S Such was tlie endingof our beginning — "flat, stale, and unprofitable" — very ; and I should have been off to try other fields but for a little accident, which I will here narrate, for the (as usual) benefit of all whom it may concern. When I left Boston, I distinctly remember placing a £60 Bank of England Note in my writing-desk, keeping in my pocket-book suffi- cient for travelling and current expenses. Three weeks since then, had now elapsed, and my Hotel Bill was presented, which amounted to three hundred and eighty-eight dollars. Gemini ! — seventy-seven pounds sterling, for three persons and a servant for three weeks, taking all our meals at the table d'hote with the oi iroWoi. Turn back for the name of the Hotel, reader, and " when found, make a note of it." However, I thought I might just have enough to clear out, when after a minute search (during which, palpitation of the heart predominated) in every nook and corner of the said desk, I discovered that my only frioTid, the £60 note, had vanished ! Without communicating the sad bereavement to our little circle, I immediately went to the office, and inquired for one of the numerous proprietors of the Hotel, who ap- peared in the form of a half man, haK boy (what I have heard termed a hobble-de-hoy), a boy in years and countenance — a man in dress and impudence ; and having explained the circumstances, stating that I could get any amount I wanted from England by return mail, I was cut short with, " Well, I guess you had better look up your friends {my friends ,'), get the dollars right away, and clear out." Indignant at this sucking landlord's impertinence, I requested him to send his largest relative to me, which having done, and obtaining from him a modified, yet sufficiently annoying, answer, I forthwith sought the countenance of my friend Brough, who, in an interview with the assembled half dozen proprietors, offered to go security for the amount — himself being a householder and owner of property in Brooklyn. This was refused, and my monkey being thoroughly roused, their Yankee landlordships got such a wordy warming, as they have not yet forgotten, and Captain Morton Price is a thorn in their side to this day, as he promised to be. This matter was clinched by my giving them a cheque on my English bankers, and depositing in their hands tangible property to the value of some three times the amount of their abominable bill. %i K u A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, I My revenge oame, wheti, eome four veeks after, the cheque being duly honoured, they bad to return the goods and chattels, and their rival landlords in the city had a hearty laugh at the oyer-smartness of the Messrs. Lowband. During our stay of some seven weeks in New York, of course I had much time to study the ways, means, habits and haunts of nearly every grade of society, but as Fate ordained that I was to return to New York, and spend a yet longer period amid the tur joil of the overgrown young Mammoth, I reserve what I fear will be a lengthy notice (my gracious ! New York u a great place !) until I get back again, and hurry my reader on (hurrah !), who is anxious to know what I did next ? Well, next but wait a bit ; I have one little anecdote to relate, before we leave New York, yet. A ce- *a,in (or, as the sequel proved, an uncertain) Dr. Ward having been engaged during some twelve years of bis existence in writing, and getting written, composing and having composed, an opera, unfortunately for us just as we were preparing for our northern flight, arrived at its termination and his determinotion of its represenfaiton for the gratification of his friends, and a donation towards a Fuud for the Rescue of Certain Lands, Hereditaments, &c., y'clept Moimt Vernon, wherein are supposed to repose the mortal remains of, I believe, the immortal Washi - "^ton (upon my word I am not sure) — he, Ward (not Washington) had heard and seen Lucille in our opereita, and immediately conceived that she, in conjunction with Miss Lucy Escott, and a Miss Adelaide Phillips (three prima donnas I) would form a galaxy of talent that must carry tlie thing '' right away." It seems that Miss Phillips and all the gentlemen engaged (among the latter was one Dr. Guilmette), I merely mention this that should a certain celebraterl Enghsh tenor chance to read this he may know that his Homceo' pathic adviser still liveth, and his iniquities are known to the writer, had long since been well up in the music of this Doctor's opera, and of course they were far ahead of Lucille in the business; however, after some demur, the latter agreed to get up in it in con- sideration of 80 dols. per night, for three nights certain. The time came, the house was three parts full, the opera was played, Lucille obtained the mly two en<:orea in the evening ; the Doctor was called, the curiain rose, and the whole Corps Oporatiquc were discovered en tableau. The THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 35 T-'l - Doctor made a speech, in which he tlianked the entire company indi- vidually from first to last, the big drum and th'^ call-boy, and — omitte4 Lucille ! 4 1 was standing at the wing nearly suffocating with rage, the Doctor was bowing himself off, the curtain y^as about to descend, the audience were applauding, tbe^-^well, I don't know how she di(i it, but when I had done winking and rubbing my eyes, there she stood, Lucille stood, curtseying to her audience, and appareotly, with her finger and thumb screwing a small piece of earthly clay out of the wonder- stricken Doctor's sinister arm, she said, " Doctor, you have forgotten me .'" A whirlwind of applause followed this pithy reminder ; the Doctor, speechless with surprise, looked on bewildered, as, turning to the audi- ence, the young lady (whom I didn't think could have cried, " Boh ! to a goose") said — " Ladies and Gentlemen, I have had but a few days to get up in the music of this opera, and I should be sorry indeed to thmk that the Doctor's silent condemnation of my endeavours ghouW meet with your approval." No occasion tq say more, thought I ; and none there was, I never heard a more decided negative to an opimon, than was given by that audience to that Doctor. The Press took it vp on the foUowing day, and I cannot refmin from giving one or twp quotations from some of ihe leading papers ;r— «• Miss Lucette, in Dr. Ward's speech after ithe opera, was passed ov^r unnoticed (whether intentionally or accidentally we know not), whilst the composer complimented the different artists ; but in our humWe opinion no one contributed more to the eiyoyment pf the audieiwie thwi this>lever girl, who sang her part charmingly, an4 yik9^e sweet voice and fascinating style were among the chief ftitjacfcions of ,tl»9 evening." — Dispatch. " After the opera the composer was called before the «jjrtp,i^, m^ thanked the various performers for ike interest they ha4 taken ux ttip -production of his work. He qxxite forget to say a good word for fdiss Luoette, whose performance was one of the most interesting features of the evejjing, sp that eworgotic youug lady made a ptetty -i.t-e epeech on her own account, and th€ Doctor then repaired his neglect 00 A THEATRICAL TKIP FOR A WAGER, by publicly acknowledging his indebtedness to her, and the audience dispersed in the best possible humour." — Leader. Some of the papers were even more severe, and whether owing to this little c lutretemps, or that the success of the opera was equivocal, I know not, but it was withdrawn, and though we and otliers stayed a whole fortnight in New York solely on Dr. Ward's account, that gentleman refused point-blank to pay any of the artists more than one night's salary. No redress, no satisfaction, no anything, but to grin and bear it ; so that had I been engaged in its representation, I should have had to have scored a loss ; as it was, no great harm was done as regarded my wager; Lucille pocketed the 50 dols., and we turned our thoughts upon packing up and departing. This anecdote 1 have related that unbelievers may have their faith in American encouragement of English artists somewhat shaken, and ^ to warn them of the necefsity of having their salary, or at least one half of it, in advance. After having seen as much as I could aiford to see of New York, and made notes thereon for your benefit, good reader, and my conscience, and my funds having been recruited, and my second Hotel bill being paid, apropos, of which I beg to state that I can recom- mend No. 767, Broadway, the European Hotel, kept by some people (a cross between French and German, and very worthy withal). No pretension outside (the House, I mean), but most comfortable within, Mr. Hartmann, the proprietor, is a very fair artist, and has a Studio, on Broadway, leaving the feminine portion of the estabUshment to take care of the same, and to those ladies, mother and daughter, I here tender my mite of gratitude for their uniform kindness to our party during our sojourn at No. 767 ; and having determined on my route, we started for Boston " bock agin" — by steam-boat this time, our desti- nation being Quebec, and a pleasant trip we had to Portland, part of the way by water, the rest by land. Brough accompanied us to Boston, and with him I left the manu- script of an entertainment* (my first attempt at anything of the kind), * The DoubU Courtship, which, though triiiiug iu constniotion, was Inoky enough to draw for ub audiences, of varioua sorts and sizes, at more than eighty representations. — M. P. V tl I 1 I £ a THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 87 which I had employed my leisure moments in New York in writing, thinking that from what I had seen and heard of American reception of, and encouragement to, English talent (ahem 1) in legitimate Drama, I might stand a better chance in Halls and Concert Rooms than in Theatres. This Entertainment, however, was either not printed, or did not reach us, until we arrived at Montreal, and many blessings did our friend Brough and his printer get from the lips aud hearts of Lucille and myself, for the delay. 98 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, CHAPTER V. m QUEBEC. Quebec is a city bui? o- a rock, &c., &c., {vide Handbook), and a mighty tall rock, too, onl^ > wut 350 feet aboxe the level of the river. How on earth Wolfe and his army ever got up to the top is a wonder. No man with any other name could have done it, I believe. However, any one who wishes to know, when and how, and where it was done, wont get any information from me, for lots of writers, ere now, have described (from each other's descriptions) all about it, and having myself read it, and wrote it so very early in life, that I have totally forgotten all the principal parts of the performance, I will omit the History of Quebec, and continue my own. We went by steamer from Boston to Portland, a dreadfully dismal, unfinished sea-port town, " way down in Main," withal the eastern terminus of the Grand Trunk Railway, and the talked-of destination of that floating Mammoth, the " Great Eastern" steamship, though what on earth, or rather water, she'll do when she gets there, no one can opine ; there are no warehouses for her merchandise, and no hotels for her passengers. However, that sensible body of gentlemen, mis- named her directors, I suppose know best, though an intelligent Yankee told me " there was no reason on ' airth' why she shouldn't go to New York, as there was water enough in the Hudson to float " six such as she," and deducting the odd five, I believe him. We had our first experiences of the Grand Trunk Railway from this place to Quebec, or rather to Point Levi, and they did not please us ; but as railway travelling is the same all over Canada, I wiU describe it elsewhere, and my readers must be content, for the present, to embark with us in a rickety old steamer, to cross, for the first time, the great St. Lawrence River, which between Point Levi and Quebec is some three miles wide. It was nearly nine in the evening when we drove up to the door of Russell's Hotel, having been thither recommended by Brough ; and weary, dirty, aching in every bone, Lucille, for the first time since THROUGH THE tNITED STATES AND CANADA. 89 ' Starting, in an execrable humour /or her — Stocks (my man), perfectly used up with tobacco-smoke, dust, and his endeavours to " keep things straight" — ^we looked forward to a " cumfy" supper, and a tMi-hour turn- in with unmitigated pleasure. Judge ye our intense misery on being informed that they were all full ! — and they wouldn < or couldn't tell you where to go. Lucille was looking really ill. *' Would the ladies like to sit in the drawing-room ?" •• Of course, they would — anywhere ;" and to the drawing-room they went, while the wretched Stocks and I hunted up the town for quarters, which we at last found in an American House. The landlord was not to be found ; but his deputy, a dissipated-looking' cross between a billiard-marker and a pot-boy showed me some comfortable apartments, which I instantly secured, ordered supper, fetched Lifcille, who I found undergoing the agony of being stared out of countenance by the assem- bled female portion of the Ruasell-House boarders ; and after worrying some hard-boiled eggs, and some soft-boiled chickens, we all tumbled in, tired to death. 5(C )|C ^ ^ 9|C 3|l We are at breakfast — bad coffee, bad eggs, bad everything, but our temper — which having been so bad over-night, could not well be worse, is of the twain, improved. Besides, we are in Canada — our own country, her Majesty's dominions, and feel ourselves Englishmen again. We shall have reject shown us, and our rooms to ourselves. ShaU we ? " Guess you'll find these rooms pretty comfortable !" Now there was no reason why anyone should " guess" otherwise, from outward appearances, therefore the " guess" causing a simultaneous clatter of dropped knives and forks, and an ejaculation of " Gracious !" may at first cause surp' ' ,o. Read on. We had been indulging in a good loud laugh at Lucille's sudden discovery that what looked outwardly a goofl egg, inwardly wasn't, when like — nothing else in language, this question, (or rather assertion, for " guessing" has a different meaning Joere t© h-axu, rruluu TTttiiici assigiis nj, vurai itpuu us, rum, raising our eyes, red with tears of Uierriment, we saw — an individual. Yes, an un- invited individual, seated on a chair near the door, his legs stretched to • n i t 40 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, their full extent over the carpet, and arms, ditto, into the pockets of the encasement of said legs. After a slight pause, and unflinching sustainment of the concentrated gaze of three pairs of astonished eyes, the guessing individual repeated his guess, adding however emphatically, " Darn'd sight comfortabler than you'd have got down thar!" (with a kick of his right leg towards the door— a wink of his right eye, and jerk of his right thumb over his right shoulder, simultaneously aiding and abetting the same.) 'Twas the landlord, a shock-headed, shocking ugly, shabby-looking Yankee. " Landlord, I suppose," I said, politely. " Guess I am," (moving himself and chair, and taking up position immediately on my left flank, and nodding to the ladies, who were rapidly getting " used ur" in their efibrts to restrain a roar). " "Well now, have yoic concluded to stay i" " That depends upon circumstances," I replied^ " Twelve dollars be too much ?" "A day?" A nod. " Well, rather !" " Piano," (a jerk towards something like a shut-up Bagatelle Board.) " Ladies play, I guess." *' Oh, yes, so do I," I rephed, rising, ostensibly to try the instru- ment, but really to escape the monster's breath-^m and onions ! Awful ! •• Wretchedly out of tune," passing my fingers over the old-dog's- teeth-like-looking-ivory. "Well now, that's odd. My darter plays on it first-rate-that's a fact !" " You have daughters, have you ?" asked Lucille. " He'er, Sa-rah (pronounced Sa-rare), come up !" shouted this strange mortal, without moving from his chair. Sarah didn't require telling to " Come up," for she was " up" already, and came in, instanter; and pertly nodding to the paity collectively,' 6£; herself down on the sofa, her hoop flying up as she did so, and displaying her legs as high as~where her garters ought to have been, but were not. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 41 U " Piano out of tune ?" said the father. •' Sure, / don't know," replied the daughter, with a tos3 of the head, and staring Lucille out of countenance. Seeing impudence in the daughter's face and ignorance in the father's, I thought it time to send in a shot, so said, " Ah ! you are not the one who plays." " Don't know no other," was the response. '• Well, then," I said, shutting up the instrument, " were I jour music master, I should teach you the difference between in and out of tune — that is, if you have any ear for music. If you have, as I am bound to suspect, none, I wouldn't teach you at all." The young lady transferred the favour of her stare to me, and rising in rage, said to her respected parent, " If you want me, I'm down stairs !" (Exit Sa-rare.) " Guess you've riled the young woman. She's terrible high — she is," half soliloquized the pfirent. " Eut touching them dollars ?" he imme- diately inquired. The ladies by this time were fairly embarked in one uncontrollable fit of laughter, and retired under plea of unpacking. A bargain (?) eventually was struck for 1 1 dels, a day, and the use of the Bagatelle — that is, Piano, to be tuued at landlord's expense. We had scarcely shaken ourselves into our places, when Capt i Bayly, of the Canadian Rifles, was announced, and in he came, hia merry face illummating the dingy room with a temporary ray of comic sunshine. Those of my readers who remember him on board the outward-bound ship, will imagine how glad we were to find him in Quebec. He had only lately been transferred wiih his Company from Toronto. In less than no time it was arranged that he should assist us on our " First appearance in Canada ;" but how, and in what, re- quired great consideration. The number of plays, in which there are but three or four characters, is so limited, and our stock comprising only Delicate Ground, and another (ray Entertainment had not yet arrived from Boston, and even had it, we could not have made it away," in which the varied talent of Lucille, the Captain, and myself might be exhibited. Ten days, I thought, would suffice for the executioa r . 4d A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, of our piqjoct, for pufflng, posting, and all other proolamrttion of our arrival and intentions. My porogrinations in and around, and expt'rioncos of, Quoboc during tlmt time, I will briefly record. Quebec is at all times a dull-looking place, e-\cepting when some political row bri'aks out, which is but of rare occurrence, and unfortu- nately nothing of the kind took place while I was there, therefore, I have no excit(>nvent to chronicle. Driving to Tioretto, misnamed an Indian village, for th(^ IndinnH therein all speak French, and dresa-like the denizens of a mining district in England, — the Falls of Mont- morenci (which are fully described by writers better able to do it than I am*) and other sights within reasonable distance, — playing at Bowls (there's a capital All )y opposite Russell's Hotel, kept by a very civil fellow, nam( kindness of some of the oflicers procured mo many a dinner, not at my own expense, at the city and elsewhere, and a game at Loo, or rubber of Whist, was a real treat ; especially on one occasion, which, as a detail of the same may be of use to beginners at the last-named chap- game, I must here narmte. I was one evening playing Whist at the ivrtillery mess. Our party consisted of Lieut. Smith, Captain Browu, Major Robinson, and myself. During the evening 1 had opportunities of discovering that I knew more about the game than my military friends. They didn't think so, and my *' aslihig for trumps' was looked upon as a downright " questio vcxata" — a non-permissible declaration — a " do." I thought of the time it had taken me to leani how to do it. I thought of the looks, the laughs, the liishings I had received from thee, oh. I • * " Weld's Vacation Tour in the United States and Canada," I reconuuend. TIIUOUGII THE UNITED HTATE8 AND CANADA. 4» ill " lugtauii vultua piicr !" my oar?,y instructor in tho art of tuking tricks, my honor-ahh' friciul, I tbought of but it was no use thinking. 1 cast u \v(/i)istful glanco upon mine oneniies, and kept my hid to count the cards left in his hands undealt. The following dialogue resulted between us : I. " Major, you can't do that." M.U0U. "I beg your pardon, I can.' (Da Capo with voluntary and involuntary variations, the whole strength of the assembled chorus assisting the Major, my bar being a solo, my partner not succeeding in making it, as he ought to have done, a duetto). I. " I'll bet you anything you like about it." Major. " What will you bet ?" I. " I'll lay you ten pounds to five." Major. " Done !" (deahng on). " Perhaps (with a wink to chorus), you would like to have a little more about it?" I. (getting savage) '* Certainly, I will ; but you musn't deal !" Major (coolly) " Musn't I ? Why ?" (turning up the trump). I. '• Because, unless my partner plays dummy, you can't faiish the game. I shall not play any longer with players quite ignorant of the laws of the game." Major. " Oh, are we ? Gentlemen, it is high time to leave off." I. "High t.^.o." Major. " Perhaps you would like to lay a little more ?" I. (thoroughly roused) " I'll lay you fifty pounds to ten !" Major, (wonderfully self-possessed) " Thauk you, you shall. Won't yea play the game out ?" I. '• Certainly not." Major. " Then we claim the rubber I" (Pleasant laughter). I. " Claim as you like, sir, but not until you have proved me wrong." Major. " I somehow think that will soon be done. But first, to prove how little I think of your chance of being rifiht. I will lav vou an even hundred pounds I win the bets alreatiy made." I. " You are positive ; so am I. Done ! s ^ i I 44 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, Voice at my elbow, "What a fool you are, the Major knows everything." I. " Does he ? He doesn't look like it !" (Sotto voce). Pen, ink, and paper are produced in no time. I find my name appended to a document assigning away from myself and heirs t , sum of one hundred and sixty pounds to a party I never saw before, or heard of, and Major R.'s ditto, ditto, from himself and heirs the sum of one hundred and fifty pounds to my use and benefit, should said party he wrong, on the other. Well, thus much being settled to the Major's satisfaction, I was presently called on to na- le my referee or umpire. I, without hesita- tion, gave the name of Mr. P , one of the best esteemed names on the British Turf, and Oxie I had often heard mentioned in Whist disputes, and with whom I was slightly acquainted personally. A shout was raised at this of " Why not name Ccelebs, or the Portland Club ; we never heard of Mr. P -" This last assertion from a party professing Whist was too much, and fairly losing my temper, I shouted rather than exclaimed, " Not know- never heard of George P ? Then, gentlemen, all I have to Bay is, I will argue no more. I leave the decision of the bets, as far as I am concerned, to him and no other. Name your umpire, Major, anJ I am off." Majob. " I name the Portland Club." "Very good," v. as my reply; and so would have ended a simple dispute with a simple wager, but that suddenly, and from whence I know not, a book was put before my eyes, in which I read the following : "Misdeal 10. " The dealer may not touch the cards upon the table to ascertain an error ; but he is not prohibited from counting the undealt cards." This was betting (as they thought) on a certainty, with a vengeance ! And this I, perhaps, somewhat too hotly, remarked upon. I saw thumph in the Major's face— dismay in those who had secretly hoped that the Major did not " know everything." I saw an " odd trick" being played, and in I went to win. " You had the pull of me in having possession, and knowing the contents of this book," I said, glani,g round. " Now, if any of you THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 46 have Pec (an old Eton word, signifying money) and pluck enough to double the bdt of a hundred pounds even, I will say ' Done !" again, to it ; and that (a snap c' ^y fingers) for Coelebs, and those who back his authority !" No response. They thoaght me a greater or less fool than themselves ; couldn't make up their minds ; and, I suppose, gav ) me the benefit (though as things happened, they reaped it^ of the doubt. The wager was decided by the Portland >.lub, of which Coelebs is a member, in my favour, which d''^ision was confirmed and a^ proved by my umpire. Mr. George P . It y/as Jive months before I g i^he money, but I got it then, and so ended my first and last bet in Cana-Ia, on Whist. There was a little Cricket going on also, and we occasionally went to the Plains of Abraham to see the old English game played ; and mw and then, the representation reminded me of sunny " lords," old Lans- down, or the Canterbury meetings. There were handsome women, fine-looking men, and lots to eat and drink — a good Band, and moderately good play ; — nothing to go into fits about, but a sort of AH Muggleton melange. Altogether, one could find something to do, and Quebec was bearable for the ten days we had to pass, before our first " little go" in Canada came off. Well, time rolled on, of course ; " Sa-rare" after many determined efforts to introduce her hoops and legs into the sitting-room, at incon- venient hours, voted us " stuck-up Britishers," and kept herself to herself, as far as we were concerned. Our landlord, after being asked by me, one day when he sat in our presence for half-an-hour, with his hat on, " If he had a cold in his head ?" never troubled us again ; so, barring that we could get nothing fit to eat and drink, we were pretty comfortable. I had heard nothing of my Boston publisher, or Mr. Brough, so that we had mven up all hopes of playing The Double Courtship, and I had worked Uke a man at a vehicle for the introduc- tion of ourselves and Captain Bayly, and had finished, and entitled it, A Country Manager's Perplexities. The plot was far from original, but the situations were startlingly new, aud the dialogue of a most spirited description — at least, /thought so ; so did Lucille ; so did Bayly. Now for a bill, I copy it in exteKoO, and think, tor a maiden effort, it was not a bad one. I' 46 A THEATRICAL THIP FOll A WAOER, MUSIC M^. HALL, ST. LEWIS STREET. I * f«i Has thu honor to aimounoo that ho will comiucuco his ON MON DAY EVENING NEXT, JULY 25th, WITH A AT THE MUSIC HALL, In which he will be assisted by MISS CATHARINE LUCETTE, The youthft.ll Prima Donna of Drury Lone, London, and CAPTAIN BAYLir, Of the Royal Canadian Rifles, well-known in Amateur Circles, as the " Primo Buffo" of the celebrated A. B. C. Club, of which Captain Morton Trice is the Founder. The Entertaimnent will be under the immeiliate PATRONAGE of Colonel Munro, C.B., Commandant, & the OJficen of the Garrison ; And by kind permission of the Commanding Officer, the SPLENDID BAND OF THE 39th REGIMENT WILL i^TTEND. the THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 47 The DooBS will open vX A QnAiiTEn before Efonx, and the Overture to William Tell will be commoncod by The Band, at a quarter past, precisely. After which the Curtain will rise upon an Impromptu Sketch, drawn in a great hurry by Captain Morton Price, and entitled " A COUNTRY MANAGER'S PERPLEXITIES." BioNOiu Maritana Balfeuina,— (a Prima Donna, Pretending to Protcusions) MUa CaOuinne Lucette. PuoFESSon HopsKOTOH, — a high-low comedian and rising young Acrobat, protending to do everything) Captain Bayly. The Manaoeii,— Slightly deranged, from ill management Captain Morton Price, Who begs to assure " Ladies and Qontlomen" that there is no real cause for alarm in the following c/^^)rtrcn'*'»^ ■■^arilr -rtrrmtj^ /'|/-t/)'A-ti^i*^rw iciiii^ ciiivi tin-tii^lvi ^ a.ii\l vJLiv itvv.iJ tig v'i vtiv litttii iti:?'- it tt -jxxj 1.11, cliv: ill titC« Reader, you have dreamed what is beyond my power to describe ; so have I. It was horrible ! The passengers were frightened. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 51 " Say, stranger !— this licks anything you have seen in your country, anyway?" ^' This remark came from a man-of course, an American— just after a flash had so blinded me, that I had to pass my hand across my eyes to relieve the pain. "Well," I answered, "I don't think I ever saw such. lightning m any country ; and I don't care ever to see it again. It is too close to be pleasant." "Yes, it's just sorter thing makes a fellar think thar's not much use in dollars. Don't it, now ?" (Curiously expressed, I thought, but good, notwithstanding.) " Make a bad man wish he were a better one, may be," 1 said. " Young lady frightened ?" he asked, in a r^agh-kind-way. " Rather." " Tender critturs, womer. No nation use in a storm. Thunder ! Thar's a blinder ! We whips the world for storms, we does !" I really think our companion considered that he had something to do with the uproar of the elements, and was glorified thereby. We ran through it, or it outran us in about half an hour, and a glorious moon lit up the bright metal roofs of Montreal, as we 'steered into the station; and, having got there safely, so endeth this Chapter. CHAPTER VI. MONTREAL. Montreal, ladies and gentlemen, ia an islfln^ nr rofT,«» *i,. ..•._ ,. - - - '•'=-- 7 — -—■ .ivi, liiu -ciiy 01 Montreal is sifua+ed on an island. The Rivers Ottowa and St. Lawrence rolling their rival lengths on either side, with hands across at either I 62 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, l?^^' ■■ end, in the shape of two estuaries, the names of which I never inquired^ 80 don't know. The city of Montreal, as viewed by me with one eye, the other being under the influence of one of the before-mentioned obnoxious " smiUs," appeared a most unsatisfactory ■end unsatisfied sort of a city. Unlike Quebec, the streets are well arranged and dreadfully holy (N.B. there's a church or chapel in nearly all of them — three- fourths being Roman Catholic, the remainder, all sorts ; and McAdam being wholly unknown). The houses are large and small — two factions in short ; no sliding-scale, except in the winter months, which are seven ir the twelve, when all situations in Canada are slippery in the extreme. The principal hotels, of which there are but two, are enormous edifices, the others mere pot-houses. The principal streets, of which there are but two, are wide and hand- 6ome, the rest mere lanes. The people, of whom there are but two, the rich, holding high estate, the poor, holding nothing. There is nothing middling in Montreal. One of the said two people, the high, are dissatisfied that they can't be higher ; the other, the low, are striving to be lower ; and it is probable that half a century will see them attain their object. Mind you, all of the foregoing is not a one- eyed view. Montreal is even more Frenchy than Quebec, and a Btianger finds it hard to imagine himself under the sovereignty of H.G.M. the Queen. The magistrates, the merchants, and the money- lenders (who comprise the " upper Ten") are all French ; and the laws are French, and the streets have got French names, and everybody ppeaks French. We put up at the St. Lawrence Hall, a very fine hotel, or rather boarding-house (there is no such thing as an hotel on this side of the Atlantic ; and he who thinks to find one must make up his mind to be a long-shore Flying Dutchman, or Wandering Jew. The proprietors, Messrs. Hogan and Penn (since, Hogan solus, Penn having departed), are first-class providers, for both passers-by and permanent lodgers. I will here append a copy of the Bill of Fare, as presented for our inspection a few days after our arrival : — ¥. ' THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 53 SAINT LAWRENCE HALL, iia,£ 0^ ^ Mi THURSDAY, AUGUST 4th, 1859. Mftccaroni. SOUP ENTREES JOINTS .. VEGETABLES PASTRY .. DESSERT .. Roguet Canellas. Selmi de Canard. Roast Beef, Roast Venison. Boiled Leg of Mutton. Potatoes. Turnips, Onions. Celery. Bread and Butter Pudding. Claret Jelly. Whipped Cream. Fruit. Cakes. Rognon Saute h Champagne. Beefsteak & Oyster Sauce. Boiled Chicken. Boiled Ham. Parsnips. Beets. Apple Tarts. Mince Pies. &c., &c. LIST OP WINES. Madeira dols. 2.00 Do. superior 2.50 Do. East India 3.00 Sherry 2.00 Do. Pale 2.50 Do. superior 3.00 Port 2.00 Do, Sandeman 8.50 Do. very old 3.00 Champagne, English Moet, No, 1. . . 3.00 Do, do, pints , , 1.50 Do, do. No. 2 . . 2.50 Do. do. pints . . 1.25 Do. Heidseick 2.50 Do, do, pints 1,25 Do, Bouzy 2.50 Do. do. pints 1.25 Do. Imported expressly for this establishment . , 3.00 Do. Mumm's Cabmet 2.50 Do. Mumm's Cabinet pints 1.25 Do. Associates Verzeney. , 2,50 Do. do. pints 1.25 Do. Ruinart's 2.50 Champagne (Dry) Max Sauteme & Co. Sillery dols, 2.60 Do, Max Sauteme & Co, Verzenay 2.50 Do, do, pints , . 1.25 Do, Clicquot's 2,50 Do, do, pints 1.25 Moselle, Sparkling 2.50 Do. Still 2.00 Hock, Sparkling 2.50 Do. Stm 2.00 Claret, Vin Ordinaire 1,00 Do, St, Julien 1.50 Do, do, pints 0.75 Do: Chateau Margaux 2.50 Do, Battaillie 2.50 Do, Chateau Lafitte 3.00 Do, Sauterne 1.50 Johannesberg, Prince Metternich's Cabinet Wine 4.00 Burgundy 3.00 Cider 0.75 Do. pints 0.37* Ale & Porter best brands 0.50 Do, do. pints 0.25 HOURS OP MEALS. Breakfast from 8 to 10 o'clock. | Dinner at Six o'clock. Lunch from One to Two o'clock, | Tea from Eight to Half-past Nine o'clock. r»- ^?TXT^^*,^^° o'clock for those leaving by Afternoon Trains. Dmner on SUNDAYS at Two o'Clock-Meals served in Rooms charged e^ttra- t^niloi-en tiittmg at the Public Table wi ll be charged full price. NORDHEIMER'S MUSIC HALL. This Evening, Captain Morton Price and Miss Lucette will appear. THE WAITERS ARE PROVIDED WITH CARDS AND PENCIL, 64 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, i Reads Englishy, doesn't it ?— and would eat all right, too, but for the messy American method of never letting you see the animal— that is, the joint of the animal, from which your " helping" is derived. A greasy nigger, down in some hidden slum, cuts up, picks, pats, and presents you with, in nine cases out of ten, the very fat, or loan, or raw, or over- done portion that you would have avoided had you witnessed the operation. I do like to see my " pound of flesh"— that's a fact. To business. My readers will have observed that I had no agent in advance. Indeed, I considered the terms of my agreement did not comprehend my employing one ; and I was determined to avoid the slightest ground for quibble or controversy of any kind. This, however, was throughout my Canadian campaign, a serious drawback. It entailed the necessity of a sojourn in the town I intended performing in of four or five days, previously to opening ; and though the consequent expenses did not miHtate against the winning of the wager, they did considerably against the chance of my pecuniary benefit thereby. Nordheimer is the name of the proprietor of the handsomest cor 9ii> ball in Canada. Remember it, my brethren, for good fellows are scarce, and he (Mr. Nordheimer), professionaUy or otherwise, is, in all senses cf the term, one of the right sort. Liberal in his dealings, and assiduous in his attention, to which, through the good people of Montreal being awfuHy slow at " coming out," I attribute our not absolutely failing on our first appearance. I do not think there was the hire of the room in, on the first night; whereupon, the generous owner so materiaUy reduced the said hire, that albeit disposed to " Up sticks, and off!" after the first attempt, I was induced to try again, and we were rewarded by an eventual bumper. The 17th Regiment was stationed here at the time, and Colonel Gordon gave me the assistance of the band (a very good one), and also his patronage. I shall not easily forget his fece, when I asked him for the same, or the puzzled tone of his question, " Are you an actor ?"* Well, well ! I had made up my mind to stand anything and every- thing, short of a slap in the face, in the way of busin-ess ; and. thoufth occasionally my patience was tried, on the whole, I had little to ♦ Actors in Canada are a little too much of the Fly-by-night order, to hold a hiah Bocial status. — M. P. ^ o i -j/ *l THEOUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 55 complain of. I here insert a critique on my first appearance in Montreal, that my readers may see the truth of my reinark concerning "the agent in advance :" — " We are happy to say that this novel soiree musicaU went off, as we predicted, with great ecUt. The audience certainly did not come up to (in numbers) that we expected, but those wlw were present had nothing to complain of, and much to praise. ***** ***** Miss Lucette's voice is certainly one of the sweetest ; her taste is undeniable, and she has evidently been schooled by a tirst-rate master.* She gave ' La Brindisi, ' from Traviata, beautifully. The Captain is a cool, quiet actor — gentlemanly in his action, and evidently at home at all points. His voice is a high tenor; he takes the great stumbhng-block of all tenors, A natural, and even B, with perfect ease from the chest. The applause was not greater than was deserved by both artistes. A little more publicity would have been of use to both audience and actors. We trust a second performance may be more generally known to the first, and more remunerative to the second." — Montreal Herald, On the evening of our last performance, a " gentleman" sent to say he vnshed to see me ; and being in too great a hurry for my supper, to care about an interview with a stranger at the moment, I sent word for him to call the next day at my hotel. In lieu of doing which, however, he sent me the following note, which, being a gem in its way, I present in its original form : " Montrall, Toosdy. "Sib, ^ " When you recognises this and ther is no cos to be alarmd, becos I have no intenshuns to inshure you. But if you have the feelins of a gentlman, you will not halow my litel bil to stan aganstyou hany longer, and you must have mad a preshus deel lass nite. " The yung woman as you lef behind took on dredful wen you didn rite, an as gon to New York with a chap as she new afore, so she ant no god. I never ibot as you wood have tuk to hacting, but hops its for the best. I * Frank Romer, we thank thee. 06 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, ||» . iB i •' Give the munny to barer, leven shillins and tuppens. Never mine the apense. " Your obedent servent, James ." There — the name beat me. But I think it was Gallagher, or Callaghan, or Galloway; but the " barer," when I went to the door to see him, stuttered so awfully, that I could scarcely understand a word he said. However, Stocks discovered, for me, that some neer-do-weel, rejoicing in the name of" Price," and prefixing the title of "Captain," had some months before victimised the unfortunate James , to the tune of " leven shillins and tuppens," for washing ; and as the letter amused me, I give it to you, dear reader, hoping it may have the like effect. It will be seen by the " bill of fare" of the St. Lawrence Hall, that the English meal, 'yclept supper, is not therein comprehended. Now, supper to actors and actresses, especially if they are singers, is the meal of the twenty-four hours. Rehearsals are fatal to a good breakfast ; shopping or a nap shuts out lunch ; dinner, no singer will touch. But supper — dear, delicious, dreamy supper ! — there is not a stage votary, from the little tired ballet-girl to the deep-throated tragic star, that doesn't hie him or her home, with happy, or it may be heavy heart, to $upper ! Supper, he or she must have, or die ! Ergo, in spite of the darkie's discontent and the dreariness of the long since deserted salle- a-manger, supper did we insist upon having ; and our little tri-angidar party might have been nightly seen any time between eleven and twelve of the clock, in comfortable possession of the far-end corner, cosily employed in their nocturnal orgies. Our example speedily found backers. We were one evening engaged as above, when the centre doors opened, apparently in spite of the sable Cerberus' interposition, and a tall lady antered, followed by another and two gentlemen. " Mon Dieu ! no souper ! I sal faint. Mon cher creature (turning to one of the gentlemen), to make endeavour to procure somting." GiiNTLKMAK. " My dear lady, I will speak to the proprietor." (Exit Gentleman.) THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 57 i\ The lady sailed up to our table, and after a searching glance at the viands, her eyes suddenly caught our bottles of Stout, and, clapping her hands, joyously, she exclaimed, " Portere Anglaise. Delicious !" She was very handsome, and a glance told us that she was a professional. There was the tell-tale darkening under the eye, and the least remnant of enamel on the forehead, of which a hasty toilet had not permitted entire removal. I whispered Lucille, and the gentle- man's returniEg exclamation, " My dear P ," confirmed our guess. This was Madame P , the reigning musical star in the diggings, and every subsequent evening saw Comedy and Opera united in the bond of supper-hood, until time was called, and we separated upon our mutual ways-Parodi and party to New York, I believe ; Lucille, and her " little lot," to Kingston. However, I am not going to leave Montreal without chronicling the only act pecuniary of hospitality (my readers must interpret my expres- sionary peculiarities as they best can) to which I was indebted during my entire tour. I had become casusHy acquainted with a gentleman, who from his total lack of likeness in style or conversation to any man I had yet met in Canada, had much interested me. He was a polished gentleman, a finished sportsman, and a theatrical enthusiast; by birth, a French Canadian ; by profession Well, if I name that, I may as well give his portrait at once — so we'll pass it, please. Strangely my liking commenced with a slight rfwliking, ir-asmuch as his polite advances, naturally suggested the question, " Is it myself, or Lucille he is after ?" However, pleasant drives " round the mountain," and snug rubbers at whist were the only apparent result of this addi- tion to our party, until one evening he announced his departure for somewhere — I forget where ; to some races — 1 forget what ; and we parted with mutual good wishes. He intended starting by steamer down the lake, the following morning. What has this to do with " pecuniary hospitality ?" Why a great deal, as you will learn. Go on. I had been in treaty for a place at Kingston wherein to give our Entertainment, as that city does not boast either of a theatre or a concert-room, and on the morning of our Canadian friend's departure I received a letter desiring me to come at once, if we intended coming at u J I M A THEATIUCAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, all, as the Town Hall was to be had then, and might not by-and-by, " or words to that effect." ■ Annoyingly enough, I had just invested all ^y superfluous cash in a set of fur robes, and had not left myself " wherewith to make stakes with a street beggar." I had calculated on not leaving Montreal for a week, in which time I knew the needful would be to baud. A committee of ways and means was called, and one of the council made a sotto-voce suggestion. " Wouldn't your friend, M , lend you what you want ?" " Your friend, rather." " Nonsense ! He said he would be happy to do anything in his power to serve you." " He did, and looked as if he meant it ; he has not yet left, I should catch him at the depot ; and here goes, for the first time in my life, to ask an acquaintance, of some three days' standing, to lend me, on my personal appearance, one hundred and fifty dollars. Ha! ha I— we shall see." As I anticipated, I caught my friend at the depot, and with little preliminary made my requirement known to him, concluding thus, " Do not suppose I shall be the least annoyed, or even disappointed, at your refusing to asb.st me ; indeed, I am painfully aware of the fact that I am laying myself open to your censure and mistrust. I have no security to offer you other than my word ; no recommendation other than " " Your being a gentleman," he interrupted me with ; " in a strange country, in need of a temporary trifling loan. My dear friend, you shall have it." And without further word, he entered the cashier's office, wrote me a cheque for the amount, and, warmly pressing my hand as he gave it me, said, " Write an acknowledgment when you get the cash, and repay me at y ur earliest convenience. Would that I felt assured of all men's honour as I do yours," His usually mirthful countenance looked serious as he said this, and when I heard, some time afterwards, that a man whom we often saw with him, and whom he styled his " bosom friend," (I forget the blackguard's name), had let him in almost to bankruptcy, I saw something very like a prophecy in his last words. Tl THROU(JH THE UNITEU STATES AND CANADA. 69 A8 luck would have it, I might have spared myself the trouble of testmg M's. feelings by thus touching his pocket, as I received a remit- tance from England the following day, just a. we were about starting for Kmr-^ton ; and having repaid the borrowed money, and duly chro- nicled the act of " pecuniary hospitality," to Kingston will I now conduct my reader. " Hi ! hi ! stop ! Why, what ^.he Dickens ." the aforesaid reader will here be shouting. "You Captain-you author, you! Why, you are surely not going away from Montreal without telling us aomethi-g of the great Victoria Bridge ?" WeU, yes, I was, because the great Victoria Bridge was not finished when I left Montreal, the first time, in August, 1859, but was subjected to my approval as complete in December of that year, s^.en I took my final departure from the city of the descendants of Jacques Cartier ; and as you have asked so bluntly, I will tell you all I know of the Victoria Bridge. It is considered one of the wo..aers of the world, and certainly, for size, it is such. I suppose no other building in the creation contains such a mass of stone. I have heard it computer^ that one buttress of this Goliath is composed of more stuff than lliere is m all Waterloo Bridge I I give it to you as I got it, so don't scream at me. Well, it— that is, the bridge, not the buttress, (there are five and twenty of tbem) extends from Point St. Charles, on Montreal side, to some other pomt on the other side (the south); it -is "Tubular," which means you don't go over, but through it. It is aU bui two miles long, and one of the spans is three hundred and thirty feet. The reason it is made of such prodigious strength is, that it is calcu- lated that at the finish of every winter, when the ice breaks up and comes down the St. Lawrence, the said bridge will have to withstand a pressure of fourteen hundred millions of (I tried to put it in figures, but couldn't) tons of ice ! The Prince of Wales formally gave the concert his blessing last year, and the trains running ever it (through it, I mean), the Grand Trunk Raihvay can boast of something like l,!300 continuous miles of discomfort from Chicago to Quebec and Portland, the western' and eastern termini. ;i5 I 69* A IHEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, i: 1^ I MONTREAL TO KINGSTON. Wood and water, as before, as always, nothing in the world to enliven the journey, save our own good fellowship, fun, and fancies. The bumping overaportionofthis weary journey was truly hurtful ; Lucille and I tried to play draughts, but we might as well have tried to play billiards. The kings lost their crowns, and thereby constantly magnified the common herd ; the black subjects kept jumping over the white with- out any just pretence for so doing ; and the whole kingdom became 80 utterly unruly, that we abandoned the game in despair. Sleeping was a delusion, of course. Oh, be warned my fellow .mnderers ! Carry an air^ushion with you. It is portable as », pocket-handkerchief, or a muffler ; and you will find it an immense boon to a weary head. The carriage, as we progressed, became insuflferably hot, and the concomitant dust, unbearable. I have before spoken of the un-eau-de- cologne pervading perfume of these steam propelled 'busses ; but I think upon a retrospective analysis of all the smells my olfactories had to endure, from time to time, the bouquet on the present occasion N&a the most powerfully objectionable. Some more than usually dirty passengers, you suppose. Well, rather. On our arrival at Kingston, which we ultimately accomplished, I discovered that for some hours we had been enjoying the privilege of seats, adjoining five or six convicts chained together, and reeking in dust and filth, under charge of a constable, bristling wUh combustibles and booi importance. This, in a first-class carriage ! Some writers have eulogised American politeness towards the "fair sex." During this journey, we had a glaring, but a very amusing instance of t'other. Soon after starting, something went wrong with our cai-riage, and we had all to bundle out, and get in as we best inight to another, akeady three parts full. We, of course, wanted seats together, and our only chance of obtaining such, was in asking a gentle- man, who had appropriated three for the separate and special comfort of his head, body, legs. His answer to my polite request was as follows :— " Wa-al, I reckon the lady hain't travelled two hundred everiasting miles-she hain't ; and nary a wink r^ sleep the whole of the almighty way I Look at them blessed boots I— they pinch iiifemal— they do ! THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 60* They aro pretty comforlable jist now—they air ;— and I'd like to see any man, woman, or child, set 'em a goin' again— I would !" " I thought for a lady " " Now, look here, stranger. I guess I've took these seats, and I calculate to keep them until I reach Kington— that's a fact !" Finding the brute wouldn't move, we accepted the polite invitations of an old French gentleman, who kindly moved a number of his parcels from some otherwise unoccupied b ats, and soon made ourselves com- fortable thereon. In about an hour the train came to a halt, and our rude neighbour, whose snoring and f inting had upset Lucille immensely, got up, carefully arranged his horse-cloth and other wraps upon his seats, and got out for some purpose or other, giving us, as he did so, an unmis- takeable look of defiance. He hadn't been gone one minute, when a huge, hirsute, Californian digger-like individual entered, and, in a twmkling moved said neighbour's entire inventory on to one of the seats, plunged himself on to the other two, and had scarcely spat twice when re-enter first ruffian. First R. (loq.) " Say, stranger, them's my seats !" Second R. " Don't see that, any haow yew fix it !" First R. " Them's my fixings !" (pointing to articles). Second Do. " Wa-al, I ain't touching 'em." First R. " But you have touched 'em !" Second Do. " That's so ; or haow could I be here ?" First R. " Well, I guess you had better make tracks out of that, anyway !" Second Do. (with a most expressive grunt) " Look here, stranger. Whar I settles, I settles — that's a fact !" (turning round, and settling himself comfortably). We, of course, enjoyed this immeasurably ; and I completely floored our late enemy by saying, with as good an attempt at Yankee lingo as I was master of, " I gu33s that's law, anyhaow !" " That's so," said Ruffian No= 2 (bestowing' a knowiuEf wink on me). " Two to one agin you, stranger. You'd better clear !" And No. 1, seeing such was the case, grunted himself into the only spare seat he could find. '"11 61« A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, This incident I narrate, more because it vastly amused us at the time (and, perchance, what amused us, may amuse you, reader), than to iUustrate American lack of manners ; for though / cannot eulogise theii politeness— not having ourselves received any at their hands— I have no reason for thinking them any worse than the mass of the " lords of crer.tion" of any other nation. We were dreadfully late in arriving at Kingston, and, unfortunately, I had neglected at Montreal to inquire for the best hotel for us to go', to. Plowever, about four a.m. saw us in a *' bus," in front of the " British American," vainly endeavouring to obtain an opening. This we at last effected, and, very tired and half famished, we discharged ourselves into a sort of tap-room, and there awaited the arrival from Bedfordshire of the landlord, who, on his appearance, I greeted with " Landlord, for the love of humanity, give us some beer !" His cheerful reply, and speedy production of the much-needed beverage, convinced me we had faUen into good hands, and need seek no further. By broad daylight we soon consigned ourselves to om respective couches, for the first time in Kingston. Kingston !— I hava pleasant recollections of Kingston. : ■, has a market- place large enough for ten Kingstons, and- -I don't think there is any- thing else worthy of note in it. The streets seem ver>- wide, some of theui so wide, that you can't see from one side to the other— but that is because the other is not yet built ; and, I fancy, never wiU be. Kingston, I beheve, was started in a great hurry, and all sorts of people indulged in all sorts of notions that it was to be the capital of Canada, and they bought land, which they never paid for, and built houses, which they never finished; and if they did, never lived to live in; or if they did, died so soon afterwards, that they had no time to get anyone to inherit them ; or if they had, the heirs sold the furniture to get whisky, or buy shares in a railway— either of which investment was so profitable that it carried the purchaser off, right away, and the house alone remained to tell the talc ; and,ab it was told me by an old inhabitant " as remembered it long afore there was a house in if— 'twas a melancholy tale, indeed. We paid a second vi-' , however, to Kingston ; and when I commit the same to paper, I will tell you more about it. We found a very fine hall, the City Hall, at our service, and secured it for three nights, at the rate of twelve dollars a night. Mr. Barker, the editor and proprietor of " The I THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 62" British Whig," called on us, and to him we were mainly indebted for the fine audience we obtained on the first evening. He was one of those old gentlemen that young ladies so much like—pohteness from his hat to his boots— and LuciUe to this day bears the "doctor" in aflfectionate memory. Doctor ! if you ever read this, think of us gently and know we are not forgetful of your kindness. Well, we achieved gieat success at Kingston, and there I first sang my now celebrated -Banner of old England," written for me by Mr. Murdoch, late bandmaster of the 71st Light Infantry- then, and I suppose now, musical librarian and leader of the Kingston brass band (" Blow-hards" I cbi.stened them) and a thorough good fellow. My new entertainment, as practice' made us perfect, was a success, and I had already become so onceited upon it, that the paper was purchased, and the plot prepared for u second production. There was a detachment of the Canadian Rifles quartered here, and a great many attended our entertainments. One night, after a mere than usually enthusiastic encore of my «' Banner," I was electrified by heanng a Stentorian voice among the audience exclaJm, " Three cheers for Captain Horton B%s/"-when looking to the r.uarter from whence It proceeded. I discovered as I thought, amid a group of " green coats " a countenance that was familiar to me. This was solved the next morning by the proprietor of said countenance calling on me, and after the usual salute, revealing to me the fact that he " know'd me as soon as ever he seed me." and - didn't I recollect him as was servant to Captain E r, when the Cameronians were in China, and was with him when he ' hurt his self at Gibraltar?" &c.. &c. A great number of my old regiment (the 26th) had exchanged into the Canadian Eifle-^ on the hunied departure of the former regiment, a few years since, from Canada; and this was not the only instance of recognition i ^>L,oun- terea on my tour. Wo stayed here no longer than our professional duties demanded The town was duU-drearily dull-and a quiet game of hilhards. and a row on the lakn. t.liA oiilw onnr"n'>I^ * ■ ■TT - """' -• -Ti'^-"^" <•" axiiurn:;ui(;m;. riowevtT, I leamod that in a few weeks' time a " Great Exhibition" was to be held there and that the town would be " cram full" of all sorts of people, and that I ought to come there then ; and, as come there then I did, I'll e'en take my leaye of Kingston for the present, and pack up my 'traps for the next halt on my llst.—viz., Cobourg. 1- „ - 1 \ 1 I 1 1 1 ( I 60 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, CHAPTER VII. FROM KINGSTON TO COBOURG. TiBED of the monotony of railway travelling, we determined upon doing this little journey by water, and a very pleasant trip we had. Good steamer, smooth water, and a tolerable table. Cobourg is about half way between Kingston and Toronto; and I would recommend the traveller on his route to halt here, always taking the precaution to write a day or two previously to the proprietor of the only decent hos- telrie in the town, " The Globe," to meet, or send to meet, said traveller, or he will chance to faro as we did on our arrival at eleven o'clock on a ■wet Thursday night— pit'^n dark, no lamps, no other passengers, no end of luggage, and no one, and nothing to carry it. I shan't forget it soon. The indefatigable Stocks was sent out en scout, and returned with the semi-melancholy informatijn that they had " found an Hotel, but they had all gone to bed and wouldn't get up, he thought, unless we did ourselves, and we had better leave the luggage, as there was no one wide awake enough to steal it, and come along, at once." And as there was no help for it, " come along" we did ; and after a fierce cannonade at the door, and a parley with one of the windows, we were admitted, and the unfortunate Stocks was sent back to mount guard over the luggage with a bad tooth ache, until an invisible " somebody" arrived with a truck to " bring up" the same, which I believe occurred some time in the morning, for Stocks looked remarkably seedy when he called me, and said he " didn't think much of this here Cobug," We had, however, reason for thinking a good deal of it, as we had two capital rooms. The concert-hall was in the hotel, and held about four hundred persons, and here I started the plan of having a " Lady and Gentleman's Ticket, 75 cents.," which I alvsays afterwards foui \ to answer. Paterfamilias or affectionate brother didn't hesitate to bring himself at 50 cent?., and wife and sister at 95 ; but wlien bo bad to fork out a dollar (50 cents apiece) he either stayed away altogether, or " sneaked himself in, unbeknownst to the females," {vide Stocks' opinion), "and told "em afterwards it waru't worth going to see — don't you see ?'' THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 61 Distant from Cobourg seven miles is a small town, called Port Hope, where, but for the lack of an hotel fit to lay head in, I would also recommend a short sojourn. Anything in the shape of music does well there. We gave no less than five entertainments there ; the last, or farewell one, being a " bumper," the room being, according to the "Weekly Guide" of August 30th, "filled with the youth, beauty, fashion, and musical ability of Port Hope-" From Port Hope we journeyed north to Peterborough. This is a portion of mv journey that I look back to with much pleasure. I, by this time, began to see my way. My winning the wager was a certainty, bar accidents or ill-health. We were gradually getting into the ways of the country and the habits of the people, and, strangely enough, so it then seemed to us, the farther we got into this strange land, the more Englishified it became ; at least, as far as the inhabitants ,vere concerned. So, be it understood, I did not go to Peterborough for the purpotd of increasing my professional receipts, (though, as luck had it, I did to some extent, most unexpectedly, and as wiU be seen) ; but mther to investigate a httle life amongst the back-woodsmen, and what I saw I will now relate. Peterborough, which is quite a frontier town, there being no other pretension to the term " town" north, or beyond it, is a most eccentric-looking place. Though quite in its infancy, it appears to haye grown prematurely aged— a sort of young child with an old man's face. A few years ago its site was a wilderness. Now there's, I don't know how many, but a good lot of people there. Of course, the greater number of the houses, especially the large ones, or those intended to have been large, are, and are likely to remain, in an unfinished state. The waste of stone in Canada in this respect is wonderful ; everybody commences to build, but nobody ever finishes ; and what is more extra- ordinary, no one pulls down what any one else puts up. Young Robinson looks with mingled venemtion and contempt upon the wm- dowless walls and rafterless roofs of liobinson, sonior, long gathered to his ancestors, and says, " Ha, the old man wur a fool to build that 'ere BO large, he wur ; it aint no use doing anything with, it— not it !" And 80 it stands until it tumbles down, or Robinson, junior, drinks himself m \ «3 A TIIEATKICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, I] II to death, or becomes banknm^ -u become, possessed of ,he ,^^Tt ZT " '"'^"'''" '"^S- done with it bjsoa,ebody-,oth' u""""'' ""^ '™»"""8 " A gentleman who had a verT . <■ ! .? "'*'"' "^^"™« "•«"«■ - .o«„e. and .nelt ! .I er: ^t ^ ^ - «--™. the astonishment oH^'canaar" m ' '"""'* '^ ''°'' "-» ^ painted and papered the lou ™'''"'°™' """^ «-'«<•• ^""fod, - ..oeoneLv^^ror:^^^^^^^^^^^ " -; ^.ce:hr:rfj™;r::r:-^^^^^^^^^^^ hoy; and being of a retiring «i,d nature 1 had f.l„ ° '"^ ■"'^"^ ocoas.„n taken his part against some juvlL M h "h7 """ ""^ Canada to ^»™/»«,„,, ..Hea^r sav. 1^. ""?'' ~™ *° rr:::,r"r'"^-"»-"°-«'-'»---.tn.iror"^"'"'^'^^ I'm so; », of course, I mar m7 It 7°^ " "'^"""- ^ '»" an enormous red beard. ZZJ'Z T °°' "*" '=^'"'- "'"" a .ed flannel shirt, loosl leatr Clr^"™' '" ^ °'™8-^ -P. you have (barrina the no,e» , 7,. ' P"' °' kni^kerbockera, call bin. ?)_.. bLo;; ^^ ^ '''"'" °' "^ '"»■' (»>«' =ball I -S:X':r;r:::tdrl?^''^ -"^^ "■ -""'"« -« Peterborough. ..He worb^g " ^:7"/";--i„mont in would keep them and himself ™ri.n . ''' *""' ^<""«. i" if over,bod, in Peterbo;: St^^ ™/' " ^ »" o™^ and Ac, &C., &c. To such nnw f , """^ *^'® '^^SOM whv !" .»-c..oursu,;::::c:::;rr::rZ"'T'"''-"^- m the to™, caUed -. White's Room." Mmu^f^T """'" a new entertainment, called J Scene in Z TTl •'°" "'"*■■ -^ a reh..a,,and having ^ :::: :!;'^:::j:c^-^--<'- -luded ■ to pia„ and did so. with suof. ..-ess.-an;;:!:::;,:: THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 68 and respectable audiences (whether owing to our friend Blazes' persua- sion or thi ats s. know not), that not content with two nights, we played four ! I thought Lucille's hearers would never be satisfied with " Ever of thee," " Annie Laurie," and " I'm sitting by the stile, Mary." They would have her back, time after time ; and I think if I had been exiled there. I should have done the same. Blazes persisted in crying over " I'm sitting by the stile, Mary," and said lie was an Irishman, though I know he used to be a Londoner. This, however, was late in the evening. Having thus paid our way, and a little to spare, I determined on a shght relaxation from mentalla hour, and ditto a little in the body. Douro, I have said, is a " diggings" some twelve miles from Peterborough, and is a regular stro^-^old of sucking farmers. Suckers, and no mistake I Their powers oi suction would astonish a Pitman ! Well, this Douro is right in the bush, and if any of ray readers should journey from Peterborough to Douro, they'll wonder how it ever got there ; a more villanous road I never travelled, though my friend Blazes (of course), and also his iriend (another long, but not so rough- looking customer, who had something to do with the lumber— i.e. timber trade), declared " 'twas nuts to what it was .'" I was glad that a slight cold prevented Lucille from being one of the party, though that fact prevented me from staying to see and do all that I should have wished. A deer hunt, of course, we had— that is to say, the dogs had, and having, I suppose, " By raison of being a sthranger," as a bond fide Irishman of the party said, been put in a " convaynient" position— which meant that I could neither see or be seen— and told to keep my eyes and ears open, and my mouth shut, I had my first and last acquaintance with a Canadian Deer Hunt, I think I must have been two hours in tliis convaynient spot, listening to the cry of the hounds. Oh ! yes, they were hounds ! — all sorts ; but that didn't signify. Sometimes quite near, then away in the forest— all stiU ! The birds had been scared, and were quiet — then, swelling louder and louder, and sounds of crashing boughs and the quick slobbering breath of a hound, as, with bloody stem and fiery eye, he passed, within a yard- of me— slightly at fault. I deuced nearly shot him, he startled- if 64 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, me so ; and all is still again. If I had known my way, I should then and there have walked myself off; but I didn't, so couldn't. For some time past I had kept my eye on a green patch of sward, or stagnant water, I couldn't tell which ; distant off, guessed some one hundred and fifty yards. This was only visible through a very narrow opening in the wood ; and a few minutes after the episode of the hound, I again cast my eye towards it. I could no longer see it ! Holloa ! I thought, I have been ^training my eyes a leetle too much ; and I moved suddenly, when as suddenly something else moved, and I saw the green patch, and I saw a brown patch, and I sent a dispatch after brown patch, just as it was jumping over green ; and then ran like a madman down the opening to see what on earth I had done ! Done, sir ? Why, I had done for a fine deer, by sending a bullet 'rom the right-hand barrel of my little " Laing's" rifle, slick through his body, behind the shoulder ! — ^and a good shot it was, too, with such a " pop-gun," as Blazes termed it. " The shades of night were fast falling" (there's a bit of novelism for you) when we got home — I mean when we returned 'o Douro, the Canadian home of my friend Blazes. Let me see, — what was it he termed it ? Oh, his " Penal Penates !" I think I never saw a wetle,- evening ; the elements — i.e. whisky, run. gin and water — were irre- sistible in their unceasing flow. So, if my journal here becomes a little foggy, pray pardon me, and allow me to " turn in," for the first time since my departure from England, under other roof than that which sheltered my compornions du voyage. iH ifi * * * ^ Breakfast at seven. "Any head-ache?" "No?" "What do you say to fishing ?" *• Why, you know," I said, " that was what I came here for." " And the whisky ?" " Bother the whisky !" " Well, you were ' tight ;' and I shall tell your friends that I took care of you." The speaker was so utterly "sewn up" some two hours before the party quite dispersed, that he alcpt where he fell, and never " turned in" at all. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 65 Fishing, some two or three of us went ; and if I at all astonished these rough sons of Englishmen with my "pop-gun," I did so still more with my rod. It was an ordinary trout rod, made by an old fellow named Plucklebridge, in Bath, (one that I have fished with over fifteen years), and with a few sewin flies (my friends used bait), I succeeded in landing, or rather in boating, for I fished principally from the latter, thirteen bass— a fish neither a salmon, a trout, nor a grayling, but (with a dash of the porpoise) a httle of all combined. They averaged three pounds apiece. But, bless you ! a good old English trout of that weight would have made my ancient piece of hickory bend its back a little more that any of them did. They were, however, good fun. There was a nice breeze, and the thing was new ; and that goes a long way towards temporary satisfaction. Blazes was a great hand at a canoe, and after I was tired of fishing, he insisted on paddling me up a lake, I forget the name, where he said he had appointed to meet an Indian. " What — a real live Indian ?" " I believe you, my bo-hoy !" Now, I had often wished to sec an Indian, and, like most things that one wishes much to see, when I did see one, I didn't think much of it. The dark and almost indecent individual we were in quest of, made a sudden appearance in answer to an unearthly screech from the lungs of my Charon, as we neared the shore of a thickly-wooded eyot. Pad- dhng over the tiny waves with a marvellous rapidity in a similar unsafe looking concern to that we were in, he came alongside ; and after an interchange with Blazes of a few words in French and Chinese — at least it sounded like it— and an awful lot of grimaces, he pointed at me with the spoon end of his paddle, saying, or rather shouting, " Hi-phiz, cockonoscrummery !" or words to that effect, and darted ofif ; and, much to my surprise, we after him ! " Where are you going to ?" I asked. " Going ! Going to introduce you to my father-in-law, that is to be !" he answered, paddling away with all his might. '• Your what ?" " Yes ; it's all right! That's my wife's brother, on ahead, there !" fe^ ■«Kj^ 66 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, " Get out !" I exclaimed, forgetting I was in a canoe, and bestowing a kick ou bis shins. "By G — d !" was his reply, '• we shall both get out sooner than we can get in again, if you come any of those games. Sit still, man ! — you are not in bed !" Thus admonished, I collapsed. We shortly reached a large raft moored along-side a steep bank, the bank itself being nearly hidden from view by overhanging trees and bush. Blazes here pulled up, and told me (this time) to " Get out !" — a per- formance of no easy accomplishment. Canoes are the most slippery things in creation — our outriggers are jolly-boats to them. Out, how- ever, I got, after a deal of wibble-wobbhng ; and Blazes paddled off somewhere out of sight, much to my momentary discomfiture. He, however, quickly appeared on the bank overhead, and from thence directed me to a flight of steps, or rather stones, which I had not until then perceived. 1 ascended, and found my&clf on a little green knoll, with large tree stumps here and there, and studded around with huts apparently made of logs and bark of trees. Well, I never I — I was actually in an Indian encampment ! There were men and women, and children and dogs ; and Blazes seemed on intimate terms with all. He presently introduced me to a venerable-looking old picture card, wrapped— although it was very hot— in a buffalo skin, and squatted on his haunches smoking a red clay pipe, with a profusely ornamented stem. " Father4n-law," he said, " this is my friend-r-a mighty hunter in England — a great warrior in many lands — and a jolly good fellow !" This correct description, being given in English, not a word, of course, the old gentleman would have understood, but for the expressive panto- mime with which it was accompanied. It, however, evidently im- pressed the aged Ojibbeway that I was somebody ; and he thereupon set up a howl of welcome, and beckoned me to squat. This, imagining myself tolerably secure, I did, and looked about me ; and thereupon saw the retreating form of Blazes on the point of entering one of the huts. Now, I had no intention of being left alone with this old heathen, so 1 made tracks after him, and affectionately taking his arm, I requested THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 67 Blazes to bear the same in mind. He looked ftnnoyed— which, how- ever, did not affect mo in the least, and we entered together. There were only two occupants— a frightfully plain specimen of an aged female, and a girl of about fifteen or sixteen. They were both employed in embroidering velvet with beads. Immediately the younger of the two saw my companion, she sprang up, and jumped into his arms, and in (as far as I am a judge) very fair French, welcomed him, said she had been expecting his visit ; and it was evidently a lover's meeting. I mim describe her. She had ver;^ little on ; what she had, appearing to me to be a blue serge petticoat, with some sort of embroidery round the skirt, over which was a dingy white " cutty sark," confined at the waist with a beadwork embroidered girdle, aud over this, a man's work- a-uay cloth jacket, with large mother-o'-pearl buttons ! Her hair was jet black, with a sort of oily look about it I didn't quite like ; but, lor ! she had enough fr.r a dozen women — I never saw such a magnificent mop ! If she had put it a, VAnglaise into a not at the back of her head, she would never have seen her toes again ! Her complexion was brown — ^yes, hrown — the brown of the ripe filbert. Her nose was perfect, if not too small ; — her mouth a little large. But— murder ! such red lips and white teeth, you almost wished it larger, that the vermillion and the pearl might show the more ;— and her eyes—well, there I am beaten. Suffice it to say, that I never saw such eyes for black ones. I dreamt of them more than once afterwards. Her head was beautifully put on ; and her legs, which were nuked to the knee, were the moral of Louise Leclerr^'s brown silk stockings. I never could see any beauty in a naked foot — especially when the sole was as hard as nails — so. 111 leave her foot alone — excepting to say, it looked very small. But I am over-spinning my yarn. These were the wife and gmnd-daughl er of the old gentleman whose society I had so rudely declined. Blazes was desperately in love with the girl ; it seems he had some months previously picked her out of the water as she was vainly endeavouring to right her canoe, which had topsyturvied. They swim like corks (the women, I mean) ; but she was nearly exhausted >vith lier efforts, being very young ; and would most likely have been drowned, but for Blazes' assistance. Of course, i til tm 68 A THEATBICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, the old ones were immensely grateful for the preservation of their " che-ild ;" and would have tattoed, or otherwise ennobled Blazes upon the spot, had he wished it. But he didn't : he made himself, however, a sort of godfather to the young Naiad, and had succeeded in teaching her French and a smattering of English ; and I think he said she could write *' a tolerable fist." We stayed until our watches warned us to bo off— for darkness in Canada, like the thunder-storm, comes on you, bang — without the prelude of twilight ; and I didn't care much about remaining after night- fall ill this wild region, even under the wing of Blazes. Had there been a twin Naiad I might have been reconciled ; but there wasn't. I shall ever remember our homeward voyage, through the beauty of that night. Squatted in the stern of the canoe, with a delicious pipe of tobacco in my mouth, I watched the deep shadows of the bush- covered shore as the moon rose — full, large, and red — ^lighting up the waters, but throwing \a?l and forest into deeper gloom. My companion paddled leisure!/ along, playing, as it were, with the sparkling water ; and our little bark went bobbity-bobbity, as much as to say, " I should ju&t hke to pitch yon. two out, you seem so jolly lazy !" Blazes was evidently buried in a brown study, and I didn't care much about interrupting him. I, too, was tkinking— thinking of a picture I had somewhere seen of a very dark girl and a very fair one ; — and wishing that I were an artist, that I might put on canvas the dai'kest and the fairest beauty in creation. Heigho ! Nothing occurred to disturb the even tenur of our way ; and on we went, paddling and puffing — an occasional snatch of a song on my part, and a melancholy effort at. a second on his, alone mingling with the gurgling of the water at the bow of the canoe and the hum of many insects in the air. We arrived at the landing-stage, and there found a servant waiting with a trap, and, what much gladdened my eyes, a bottle of whisky, for we long since had finished the flask that accompanied us. We had only afewmiles to go to " Blazes' Park"— a.3 I termed his few acres of clearing — and whether it was the whisky or jolting, I know not, but Blazes at last opened his mouth, and blurted out, " I say. old fellow, I'm going to marry that nigger lass I" THROUGxI THE UNITED STAT JS AND CANADA. 09 " Aidrryf" I said, putting the bowl end of my 'pipe in my astonishment .0 ID} ips— *« the devil !" " ^. arly as black, certainly," he replied, mistaking my exclamation ; *• hnt there's more of the angel in her than the devil — anyhow !" ' My dear man, I didn't mean that " '• No, no ; I know. Of course, you'll laugh ; but mark ray words : if you ever come to Douro again, you'll find that girl in my house— ray lawful wife!" He made his words good ; for in spite of the jeers of his wild band of compaaions, he carried her off one fine night, and married her by book and candle (Blazes is a Roman CathoUc) ; and, as he is next heir to many a broad acre in " Merrie England," it is just possible I may yet agair iee the heroine of this little yarn, and presiding over a very differe at esiablishraent to that in her Indian home. Wo musb oid adieu to Douro and Peterborougl ^ have made too long a halt here already), and will ask my reader to come with me to Toronto, which was our next quarters — though we did not long occupy them, in consequence of what is told in the next Chapter. 70 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, CHAPTER VIII. To get to Toronto we had to retrace our steps to Port Hope, that we might - catch the train"-the Grai.d Trunk Railway of Canada passing through those places ;-.Rnd though warm as had been our welcome at the latter town, I left it without sorrow, the -hotel accommodation being the worst we had yet met with. Indeed, the rapacity and chicanery displayed by the proprietor of the British American Hotel ir that place in the manuiacture of his bill, was something too glaring to be passed over in silence. Had I had the time I would have disputed his claim, and, indeed, saw a lawyer on the matter ; but Master " Paddy" (the shark was an Irishman) knew I hadn't, and pocketed his iUcamed dollars in safety. Toronto is t] . capital of Canada West ; and I have either read or been told that less than sixty years ago two ne/ive families were its only inhabitants— bai-ring the beasts and birds. In some five and twenty years they had increased {not the beasts and bird? .here was no ceasus taken oithem) to 1,400 items ; and now (incxuding myself and party) amount to 60,000. There must be something in the air, here 1 Toronio is the handsomest town we have yet seen. Wide streets, good shops, lovely gardens, handsome public buildings, churches rich in spires and traceried windows, spacious hotels, and. elegant equipages. We put up at the Revere House, and during our stay, there was a grand Scottish gathering. Such piping and dancing, and throwing the caber ! ■31("-'-us weataer, bands playing, handsome women, wonderful calves (the men, I mean—that is, the men's legs) ; and yet, we only stayed two days. Business, ray dear sir-business I We had no business theie, happening this wise. On leaving Kingston, my good friend, Dr. Barker, gave me a letter of introduction to the Honorable Mr. Brown, the Editor and Proprietor of " Tlie Globe" newspa2wr, which I forwarded, with an order to do me certain posters, bills, &c., and a request that he would give me a THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 71 few lines in his paper of preliminary notice. Mf request the honorable Brown complied with ; but the order was entirely noglected. Nary a bill, a poster, or even advertisement were done, or in process of doing, when we arrived. Of course, my first visit was to the office of " The Globe ;" and it is quite possible that when I arrived thereat, I might not have been in the best of humours, for on my way thither I passed some tremendous hoardings, profusely decorated with every sort of advertisement, sine mine. I had stopped at a reading-room, and read the advertising columns of all the Toronto papers, " Globe" included— mine was invisible. I had met a friend whose ac- quaintance I had made at Quebec— a lawyer, a banker, and a most influential member of Toronto society, and he asked me, " If I meant to give my Entertainment there ?" Well, I was not in a good humour ; and, after some five minutes conversation in the " Globe" office, with a hungry-looking, bald-headed individual, in his shirt-sleeves, and nails in mouniing, I desired to see the Honorable Brown himself. Much to my surpriso, I found that he stood before me. In reply to my reiterated question, " Why the order was not com- pleted ?" he replied, " That owing to the printers in general being constantly done by the travelling profession (murder 1) that they had determined on giving no more credit." I inquired if a letter of introduction and recommendation from a brother editor " went for nothing." He suddenly remembered he had forgotten that, and was thereupon a shade more liberal— oflPering to do what was required immediately, upon receiving twelve dollars in advance. Whereupon, this child's dander being considerably aroused, I requested the Honorable Brown not to trouble himself, as experience had taught me that Canadian newspaper editors were still less to bo trusted than even the " travelhngprofession." The Honorable Brown (by-the-bya, reader, in your ig 1 mean innocence, you will wonder what the editor of the " Globe" was doing with, or had done, to get Honorable tacked to his name). Good gracious ! sir and madam, he was a member of ParUament, a representative of the people, a stump orutor— a very great man, I assure you ; and the .i 72 A THE ■ TRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, I members of the Canadian Parliament having one day, in the exuberance of their humihty, conferred on themselves the title of honorable, nem. dis. so did John Brown become honorable. Well, Hon. B., expressed much disgust at my style of conversation, and we parted with mutual satisfaction. Well — I don't include Brown iu this "we" — subsequently played one night at Toronto, but Ave did not in any way increase the Honorable Brown's exchequer, as we employed his adversary, " The Leader" — a paper of nearly equal circulation, and infinitely better type. We had not a very large audience, and the papers, in their critiques, were flattering enough : even the " Globe" gave us kvSos, com- plauied of the lack of publicity given, and suggested another Evening's Entertainment. I, however, didn't care much about Toronto ; there was too much assumption of exclusiveness, without just grounds to go upon, and 1 left the place then, as I do now, without any intention of returning to it. From Toronto, we shaped our course, south and west, to Hamilton — a town situated on the extreme west of Lake Ontario. Now, 1 have a great deal to say about Hamilton ; so, reader, bear with me awhile, or skip the whole concern to see what comes next ; and when you are very hard up for a ten minutes' pastime, turn back again. Some of my pleasantest hours in Canada I spent in Hamilton. Firstly, the hotel in which we were located, " The Royal," was one of tlie best we had yet enclosed ourselves in. Dr. Taylor, the proprietor, is an ancient Englishman of great varied experience, a.i amujing com- panion, and liberal host; a "smart" man, tuo, yet occasionally, like most smart men, over-reached by a smarterer. Eh, Doctor? Shall I tell, or not ? I am open to a bribe of secrecy, and will wait to hear how you are disposed, before I promulgate how a certain Loafer sojourned at the Royal (pray don't think me the Loafer, reader \)—how the Doctor advanced the Loafer five hundred dels., and how the Doctor never saw said Loafer again, and all about it. Nary another word, Doctor, for the present. Llove on. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 73 Our stay at Hamilton, was marked with signal success in a professional light. We gave five sucessive entertainments there, and did well. We played at the Mechanics' Hall-a fine one for singing in ;-wr,ll situated, and tolerably cheap— 15 dols. a night; but they have an ugly custom of charging 3 dols. a week for a licence, which, small as the sum IS, being a " do," enrages one, as you are not told of it at the time ; and if you open on the Saturday night and play on the following Monday, as was my case, you are taxed as if you had nlayed two weeks. This I kicked up such a row about, that perchance my successors may flnu the imposition removed ; I hope so. At all events, I have herein ■warned them. We played also at the Templars' Hall, a, charming little room well worthy of a trial by any one attempting Entertainments. Not so well situated as the Mechanics', but not half the price ; and people will go there as readily as to the other, if the entertainment be worthy of a visit. Hamilton is curiously inhabited. There are more Englishmen there without any apparent occupation, and living upon apparently nothing, than in any other town in Canada. There are lots of billiard tables^ and they (the inhabitants) play ;-there is a cricVet grouud— but I never saw any of them there, except in the capacity of lookers on. They seem to be an exiled lot. always looking out for, ana expectir j sometbmg that never turns up. They are cons antly in the various stores-i.e. shops— which here aro good, without display, bnt never seem to purchase any- tb'ng ; and, in short, I never could make head or tail of t^^ n. Germans, too, here abound. They are principally dealers *i Lager bie" and professor? of music— many of them combi-n- .he two pro- fc'P-ions-finding, I fancy, the fonner unpiofitabl , .,.,.i.out the latter, and the latter d)-y without the former. One of these professors played for us three n'rV's and on eacb occasion made a dreadful "mull" i it. I thought he was nervously excited, but was afterwards informed that he was exceedingly drunk, and in sending for his bill found that he expected to get three dols. a Tiight for half an bour'-^. ,■ ork, ' paid him twv, and had the gratifica- tion of ;oeing him, a fi^w n)gl .Urwurds, , -o^ing on an old stringed 74 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, instrument in an underground Lager bier establishment, for his supper, and a limited allowance of the delectable liquid. Beware of German professors ! After a very pleasant stay of three or four weeks at Hamilton, we returned, as we had pre-arranged to do, to Kingston, for the " Great Exhibition" week ; and, according to promise, I wiU now tell you a little more about Kingston than I did before. There are but two hoteU in Kingston where a body may comfortably roost—" The British American," and " Irons' Hotel." 1 believe the latter is called an hotel. The former we put up at, and a most com- fortable house it is. Mr. Kent, the landlord, and his pretty sister, are the best caterers in every respect ; so, of course, I say to my toliowers, go thither ! However, on the present occasion, as the sitting room we on our former visit occupied was metamorphosed into a bed-room, or room of beds, for I beUeve they pigged about a dozen in it, nightly, we went to a httle cottage on the outskirts of the town, kept by a Mrs. Green, by which we saved innumerable dollars, and lost a deal of imonvenience fiom the crowd, du'-* '^ise, &c. To anyone going to Kingston, and preferring a lodgin{ . inn, I can recommend Mrs. Green and her unpretending, but - ■ ]■ -lously clean cottage. It is well known ; so, easily found. The puolio buildings of Kingston are ridiculously large for the re- quirements of the place ; they are, moreover, handsome ; — but there is nothing in them, and they stand alone in melancholy magnificence. The shops go in couples— two music stores, two drapers, two printers ; — two everythir g, side by side in inrvt rivalry. They all are fast closed at seven o'clock, as are the eyes of their proprietors al eight ; and the lamps when they are lighted, go out simultaneously with the cats — who, by- the-way, are the most rampaginous crew I ever had the misfortune to listen to. The inhabitants seem principally Irish and Scotch, and are very dirty and discontented, and most prolific (I speak of the lower orders). One young lady was presented to us upon her safe delivery oi four fine boys ; and I was told the same good luck had attended no less than three '» THROUGH THE UNITEIX STATES AND CANADA. 76 industrious families during the present year. Great Nature ! I fancy the Kingstonites must have had something to do with the before-men- tioned rapid populating of Toronto. But it is not a matter of history, or any matter of mine — so, en resume. On sallying forth on the morning after our arrival, and a lovely morning it was, the strangest of aU strange crowds thronged the streets. Every manner of man, from the cloaked Indian or rough back-woodsman, up to the French Canadian swell or sombre-coated officer of Canadian Rifles ; and women !— all attempt at describing them would fall far short of fact. I do think I saw some of the loveliest specimens of " Earth's fairest daughters," in an unpolished state, my eyes overlooked on. I saw, seated on the front seat of a rudely constructed waggon, one young girl, not more than seventeen I should say, slight, but round as an apple stem, who finding the sun warmish to her naked shoulders, let her hair down, tuck it in under her, as if it were a garment, and then slily make a loop-hole in her tresses, through which to keep up the fire of her eyes upor; the countenance of her swarthy male companion, apparently the most ardent of lovers. There were, also, as the day waxed older, no end of " fine ladies,' hnt they we the aame everywhere; and, as I don't think they excel either in beauty or style in Canada, " least said, soonest mended I" Vehictea of every description, and beyond all description ; eo,. it is no use my trying at . The Exhibition itself took place in, or rather the place that took in the Exhibition, was a large glass case about a mile out of the town ; and the Exhibition comprised, and the case con- tained everything inanimate, from a sheet anchor to a shirt-pin. All, / thought, of an inferior or antediluvian description. The furs, skins horns, tusks, and stuffed animal and bird specimens, much excited me and extracted a great deal of superfluous cash from my pocket. Beyond these, I was not tempted. There was a Cattle Show ; but — shades of my ancoatral short-horoe ! they fell very short of every animal useful, or eatable essential, Lucille roared at the pigs, and ran away from the cows— which were decidedly of the genus wild : — and, I rfiould opine, wicked to bonh. 76 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, Evening came, and with it our first performance at " The Sons of Temperance" Hall. (There's a name for you !) The City Hall was en- gaged by the Exhibition judges, &c. It was not a large room, and our stage was a joke, as a shake hands therefromwith all the reserved seats was quite practicable. That, however, didn't matter ; and people came in crowds, and sat on each other's laps, aud cracked nuts, and ate apples, and paid their dollar a head hke sensible holiday people, as they were. This went on every night throughout the week, until Saturday, when a most awful reverse occurred — unequalled, unparalleled — un — G ood gracious ! At the usual time on this eventful evening we repaired to the hall, fully cfilculating on completing the sum of 500 dollars (receipts of five nights, we should then ha've played), being only fifty dollars short of that amount; and in high glee, we undressed, and were three parts dressed, when it suddenly struck me that the assembhng (as I supposed) audience were unusually orderly, and I communicated my opinion through our curtain-screen to Lucille, who replied, " That she supposed that they had drank up all their money, and were sober." Our faithful slavey at this juncture made his^ appearance, his serio- comic mug manifesting considerable uneasiness. He volunteered his opinion as follows : — " Please, sir, I somehow think there won't be no one here to night." " What ?" " No one are corned yet" "Eh?" *' Only the tv/o gals from the house — free — as is sitting in front seats." " Bless my soul !" . " Yes, sir." " Oh, they'll tumble in by-and-bye, I dare say." " Then they must tumble out a-bed, a purpose." *• Bed 1" " Yes, sir, all gone long ago — town quite empty — Exhibition shut up, and all the shutters, and nobody anywheres." " Then we had better shut up, too, I suppose ?" THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 77 " Yes sir ; and send sharp for the beer at supper, or you won't get none, 'cos all the bar people's done up, and they won't wake up for nobody — 'cos I tried as I come along, and there's a gentleman down stairs wants to see you." ******* The first burst of disgust over, we laughed immensely over our blighted hopes, and Lucille asked me, " Why our room was like the Port wine, that day, at luncheon ?" " Because there was no{body) in it." Anything was better than being serious— so, my dear, yet I fear me outraged, reader, you must guess /tou? jolly we were by the fact that I forgave Lucille the joke. We found upon investigation that everybody had gone to bed, and oven the cats were scarce and comparatively quiet ; not a soul came to the Hall but '• the gentleman down stairs," who had driven twelve miles to see us play, and of course didn't. He declared it was three years since he had taken the trouble of " hossing" it into Kingston, and tliis would be his last visit in the flesh. He swore a httl'^. and left ; his retiring audible words being, " AUvays said as this Kings«ou>n was the d St hole out west, and now I knows it ! Ga way, boss !" I beg to say that our audiences during the Exhibition week were of a totally different order to those who attended our former entertain- ments, and do so that my kind friends at Kingston, should any of them read these pages, may ncc think I class them with our nut-cracking, apple-munching patrons of the present, or rather just past occasion. " A little circumstance" which annoyed me at the time, I must here mention, with the philanthropic hope of preventing anyone else from being similarly annoyed. I had received a letter from my agent in England, wtb a draft upon the Bank of British North America, drawn by one of their own English branches. This I presented at the office of the Kingston Branch of the said bank, when they told me I must take or send it to New York—'twas of no use anywhere else. I asked them to telegraph to New York at my expense, to ask if it was there advised, and was told 78 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, by the head man — and a very rude head man, too — that they did not act upon telegraph messages, or attend in any way to them. So, if I had teen •' hard up" I should have had to have kicked my heels amongst the Kingstonites and the cats, for some four or five days before I could have obtained the money, which then would have been subjected to black mail in the shape of " collecting." The branch from the main bank, forsooth ! Moral : — When you travel in Canada, have a letter of credit on a Canadian bank, or the cash in Canadian notes, for you will get neither civility nor assistance from those who, in the same position in England, are ever willing to give both, and even strain a point to oblige a bonajide and accredited traveller. At Montreal, on one occasion, I had a £100 Bank of England Post Bill going the rounds of the banks for two days, the reason generally assigned for the refusal of negotiating, being "that they had more English paper than they wanted." But at no bank did I receive downright incivility, but at the branch bank of the Bank of British North America, in Kingston. I promised the gentleman behind the counter I would remember him, and having done so, hie we on with our " discourse." On the day following the lamentable termination of our Kingston performances, two gentlemen called and asked me what I would take to go to Belleville, a small town some forty miles north west of Kingston,, and play two nights. Having an object in vi«w — viz., to complete a certain sum of money by a certain time, and also having a vague idea that I might be shortly called upon to disburse more than I was likely to make (for which when found maJte note of), I agreed to give two entertainments at the theatre, which was represented to me as new, just finished, and a perfect bijou, for 50 dels, each night ; and, the bargain closed, o£f we started for Belleville. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 79 CHAPTER IX. BELLEVILLE. Of all the melancholy, miserabk, misanthropic-looking places I ever saw, Belleville is the beau ideal. It " beats Banagher." About a year back, a large portion was burnt down, and the blackened ruins still stand, and seem hkely to stand, unless the wind blows them down which is also likely; in either case I am sure there would be no attempt to rebuild them. There are two banks, but I don't think there's any money in them, for they are situated quite unsafely some wav out of the town. There is one hotel, and therein was our only solace. " The Defoe House, kept by Mr. Warren, is a most comfortable hostelrie, and reasonable in charges. The theatre in wliich we played was new with a vengeance-so new that it consisted of simply lath and plaster • the lessee, a Mr. Lester, did all he could to make it endurable, but-ye gods ! I never was so cold, .^-d Lucille and myself to tliis day regret having taken fifty dels. , uight to play at Belleville. The audience, numerous and respectable on the first night, would not turn out on the second ; but having signified their approval of the performance by a deputation from some of the « leading inhabitants," and Mr Warren having kindly offered the free use of his large dining-room, we played a thu'd night, on our own account, to a /,a^% audience, who were kind enough to forgive our involuntary variations in the shape of sneezings, wheeziugs, and other unmusical introductions. The press (that is thj one paper) was lenient, and our bill was light, eo, mal^fre the exceeding duluess of the town, we left BellevUle with a blessing. Ho ! back to Hamilton. What did we go back to Hamilton for ? Why, because everybody was going to Hamilton, of course, to see the great Cncket Mateh between the All England Eleven and the Canadian Twenty-two, and which / was not not going to misR, if I knew it • J 80 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, couldu't get away to seethe game eitVi ?. at Montreal or New York, which I shall always regret, that at the latter place especially, as I should not only have considerable benefited my banker's account, but should have had the consummate gratification of seeing the self- sup- posed invincible New York Twenty-two and their backers,' taken down an infinity of pegs— a result which I publicly prophesied when and wherever I had an opportunity of so doing, during my late sojourn in New York. As it was, however, I did manage to relieve one Republican enthusiast of his odds of four to one, to the tune of eight hundred dollars. We arrived at our old quarters, in Hamilton, on the same day (Sunday, October 16th), as did Mr. Pickering, the factotum and com- mander-in-chief of the British Forces, albeit fighting on the other side. This may read strangely to many, through the cricket-playing portion of my readers will easily understand me, so—" Nuff said." This gentleman I remembered being at Eton with me so forthwith in- troduced myself to his notice, and found him, as I have all Etonians, at home or abroad, a right good fellow. What Etonian of— well, a certain age, does not recollect '^B— 1" Pickering? Gannot I now see him seconding Boudier, in his memorable tournay with black Tom, the fighting chimney-sweep, in Batchelor's Acre, or heading the score in Upper Shooting Fields, with no covering to his head but Nature's thatch (which, habit, by-the-bye, he still sticks to*). However, go ahead ; I've no time much to individualize. The whole town and neighbourhood were on the qui vive early in the morning of Monday, to see the all- conquering cricket champions, and Hamilton looked positively excited. The Eleven put up at the opposition house, " The Anglo-American," the proprietor of that establishment having volunteered to lodge them for nothing. Opposition for ever. The doctor's face was fine when he heard of his rival's liberality. •« Ha ! ha ! they'll find out what nothing means, before they go, I'll warrant ;" and I beheve they did, But, as I understand my good friend J. Lillywhite, is publishing the Tour of the Cricketers, I shall leave him * No pun intended. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 81 to state his reminiscences 0.1 that score, and proceed with my own I was of course, personally known to many of the Eleven, and much bothered they seemed to be at my change of name and appearance, and Why, captam, what have you done with your whiskers ?" was a question like the Yankee, " What do you think of the country?" I got tired of answering. The first day's play did not cor ruence until late in the afternoon, but I went to the ground, and soon «aw enough to assure me that my little odds (of course, on the professionals), were safe, and that the Eleven were not going to lose «ny laurels there. On the second dav, Lucille, of course, must go, and notwithstanding she was furred to the eyes the cld was so intense, that, having our own game in view, we soon quitted one of the largest cricket audiences I ever saw. The numbers were computed at eleven thousand. I thought there were more. The Eleven turned out in the evening to see our entertainment, and of course, more than shared the honours thereof. That we didn't mind' as they had no share in the " gate money," which on that evening was remunerative. The following day, the third and last of the match the weather was of such an anti-cricket descxiption. and so unmercifully cold, that there was not a third of the former days' attendance ; but those who did go, had such an eye-opener in Caffyn and Jackson (I think) who went in and scored the required number to win, forty-two without giving a chance to the shivering twenty-two Fielders, that I do' not think the Hamiltonians will care again to subscribe to such another three days' farce. It is a fact, though, perhaps, a hitherto-unrecorded one, that on the day just mentioned, the Eleven having to go in. as before stated, for forty.two to win, so sure were they of doing it, that two of them only went to the ground; and the assertion laughed at over night, of, « If it isn't finer to-morrow, there will be only two of us wanted '' was verified to the very letter-<%, Jackson and Caffyn, made the required score, and carried out their bats, Cafiyn playing the greater part of the time in his great-coat! And now, Hamilton, I have to be ashamed of you-you, aspiring city, and would be Queen of the West-with more Englishmen re- 11 ^7^ ▼'^0. IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-S) ^ A // :/. ^^ ,v* 4^^ C t. :> V c;^ Photographic Sciences Corporation 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. MS80 (716) S72-4503 ^ ri>^ V ;\ \ % V ^\ ^m ^ \ w^ T1> ^i^^ % 7. ^> r^v !5» 83 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, siding in your limits than any other town in Canada— you, because (it could scarcely be for any other reason) your dearly beloved Cana- dian Twenty-two were beaten at a game they considered themselves equal if not superior to any Englishmen that could be " brought all that way" (eh ': niy dear B ?) to play them. You refuse in councU to give this unrivalled team the complimentary dinner, vouchsafed to , them by Americans and Canadians on all their other battle-grounds ! In sheer disgust at this unexpected shabbiness, I — ^yes, I, Oh, reader — gent an invitation to the Eleven, umpires, and followers, to dine with me at *' The Royal," which, ho^;ever, Mr. Pickering declined, upon the gr(mnd of having to start at seven o'clock the next morning for Rochester, though what that had to do with dining at six the aight before, I don't know. I suppose Mr. P. did. Eheu ! Time was, when he didn't. A fcT words more about that Eleven, end I have done. I don't think their cricketing frieods in England have half appreciated the adventure. They would, if they only knew the temptations to which those eleven men were subjected in the course of their tour, and it redounds immensely to their credit, one and all, that they should have passed through the ordeal in the manly, upright manner in which, like thoroughbred cricketers, they did. The x\mericans, especially New Yorkers, were greatly annoyed at their keeping themselves so much to themselves — i.e. not visiting the innumerable restaurants and other haunts of the thirsty, and poisoning their " innards" with the various vile concoctions, 'yclept *' cocktails," " smashes," " egg nofs," &c., &o., therein dispensed. Somebody speaking to me of their abstemiousness from spirits, said, " I guess champagne must be cheaper in your country than in oum, those cricket ohaps did nothing but drink it all day long ; kinder ex- pensive keeping, I reckon. Say, how much do they aim a day, now ?" On my expressing my inability to say, he " conchwded" that " them darned democratio drinks kinder disagreed with theii cussed proud stomicks. Set of darned ehoe-makers, and sorter servants. Yah !" I could mention many amusing anecdotes connected with the cele- brated visit of the All England Eleven ; but Mr. L. and his book hang THKOCGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 88 over my head like the fabled sword— so, I shall selfishly preserve them for my own drawing-room, or rather dining-room Entertainment, and leave Mr. L. to bestow them on the public. I now approach a subject on which I shall, of course, be expected to dilate to the full stretch of my powers, both of poetry and prose. * * ♦ ,K ^ No, sir, and madam, can't do it. I will give you all that I can explain on paper of what I saw, and nothing more than I can help of what I thought. ' Niagara 1 — the great, the glorious, the everlasting !— (that is, of things terrestrial, or rather toaterrestrial), is situated just forty miles from Hamilton ; and one fine day having nothing to do, it Suddenly struck me that we hadn't been / .; Verily, how little we care to see what can be seeii witHOut trouble, however well worth seeing it be. A shopkeeper told me that he had been four years in Hamilton, and thought of going to Niagara, but had not been yet." However, we went ; and this is how we did it. Started by train at six in the evening, and reached the " British," l small inn on the Canadian side of the Niagara Suspension Bridge, about eight. Oddly enough we found that one of the three landlords (brothers) had come out in the " Niagara" with us. Renewing a Niagara acquaint* ance at Niagara, eh ? — of course, he and they made ue vety comfortable. The large hotels were closed, as the summer company had dispersed to winter quarters some weeks since, so I cannot speak to their capabilities ; but can recommend the *' British" to all small parties seeking shelter and civility, situated within four miles of the Falls, and commandmg a fine view of the moat beautiful suspension bridge in the worl(i. My never-satisfied reader will now be anticipating a graphic recital of how through the night I tossed, and could notsleep-^my clbse prOxitnity to the watery giant rendering me feverish and fimciful. Noi a bit of it ! My last glass of whisky toddy was sufficiently potent to dispel th6 jumps, and though once in the night I did cock my ears, arid adk myself whether Niagara was on the sea coast, I don't remember any other illu- sion or inconvenience, further than that of being awoke in the morning, some three hours earlier than had of late been my wont. HI 84 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WACER, CHAPTEH X. NIAGARA. It was essentially a damp morning, but on being assured by the united voices of the landlords, backed by a very old inhabitant, that it was going to be a very fine day for the Falls, for the time of year, I awoke Lucille by playfully throwing a handful of pebbles against her window (the consequence of which cost me half a dollar) ; and in due time we tound ourselves in high spirits and a seedy sort of char-a-banc,, enjoying a drive on the Canadian side of the great now rough, then smooth, and al'Trts soupy-looking river. Our driver, of course an Irishman, pointed out all the remarkable points. The only one which, however, I thought much of, and closely scru- tinised, was where Blondin performed his tight-rope trip, backwards and forwards, and the more T looked at it the more I marvelled. My ejaculation of " Wonderful feat !" having been taken up by Paddy •with, " Yes, an' the divil a shoe on them ayther, but baskets, the haython!" summarily wound up my ocular and verbal remarks; aixd in a few moments, " Now, yer hooner can see the smoke." " The what ?" " The smoke — the stame !" " Ay, ay, I understand ; the steam of the boiling water, eh ?" "Bilin! Divil a Ah! yer honner's joking. Ha! ha! ha!" — and Paddy, as in duty bound, having slapped his tliigh, and apparently nearly choked liimself with his appreciation of my ynt, proceeded to inform us that this *' stame" was so thick sometimes, that ladies and gentlemen were wet through before they got within a mile of the •* Shoe," which I didn't believe, and suggested the assistance of a shower of rain, which Paddy said was also " Plenty in them parts, by raison of the whirrlpuU, beliase as how it drawd all the wather downnards 1" With such like discourse, we soon found ourselves opposite the American THECUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 88 Falls, which, v.ewed from our side, looked insignificant to the eye that had in imagination pictured what couldn't be. A few hundred yards further, and we pulled up opposite a t&ll white house, with an observatory on the top of it, and the Great Horse Shoe Fall, rumbling and tumbling within twenty feet of the door. I never could describe anything— even things easy of description— so those of my readers who have been driving with me to Niagara, and want to know all about it, won't. Don't throw things about. Pick up the book again, and we'll see what we can do for you. Impatience. You want to know about Niagara. Well, send to all the circulating libraries in your ken, and get all the works that treat upon the subject, read them all at the same time, occasionally varying the monotony of the employment by placing a few of them upside down, or crosswise, and commence the last page first, and you will know as much of Niagara when you have gone mad or asleep over the occupation, as you did before you began it, and as much as you are likely to know unless— you see it. There— it is the greatest jumble in creation. It took me but a few hours to get to it, and I havn't got back yet. I am at Niagara still ! Don't tell me I can't hear the roaring, and the rumpus, and the riot. I tell you I can. Can't I see the glorious spray -bows ! Can't I see the mad-cap waters — away— fiir off— miles !— coming on, laughing in the sunlight— laughing, dancing, shouting, jumping! Nearer, nearer — roaring — bounding! I had almost said swearing. Whirr-r-r —over she goes !— down— dovm ! Oh, no, l' can't see it— of course not. Hark back ! We hadn't been long at the " Shoe," and I hadn't had time to spend more than seventy dels, upon Indian fans, furs, bird-skins, beads, and such like useful and ornamental articles, when we were joined by Mr. Eves, a gentleman whose pleasant acquaintance we had cultivated at Hamilton, and who, taking compassion on our green and unprotected state, had followed to see us safely through the sights. I say vf<, though / did not benefit much by his kind attention— that commodity being exclusively lavished on LucUle, who, encouraged and supported by his experienced tongue, and stalwart arm, actually approached an inch and a half nearer to the edges of the various abysses than she otherwise 86 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, ^ould. Well, we have seen the Horse Shoe Fall from the top-I'm off to investigate the bottom ; and tearing myself avray from my party, with many expressed wishes from Lucille that I wouldn't, and unex- pressed ones from our Cicerone that I would, I descended to the foot of the watery Pandemomium. and arraying myself in a suit of waterproof, 1 proceeded with a guide to go underneath the fall. Now, look here, reader; I am not a man given to pulling up when I have once started, nor do I think I lack my proper share of pluck ; but, upon my honour, when 1 found myself crawling along a sl.my ledge, with nothing to hold on by but my eyelids, within a few feet of a Mam- moth cauldron of mad, ginger-beer-like, unmanufactured-meerschaum- looking liquid, and a solid green v^all of ten thousand tons of glancmg. sparkling, dazzling water, falling within a few inches of my nose, uiy own absurd smallness became momentarily so uncomfortably apparent, that J thereupon set such an inconceivable amount of value on what there was of me. my whole, sole, and only thought was, " H ever I get safely out of this, you'll never catch me in it again!" And having penetrated as far as the guide, in dumb show, informed me, anybody goes, I slipped, sidled, and finally sloped back to my party; and after partaking of as stiff a jorum of-well, they called it brandy and water- as ever was concocted, I declared myself ready to lead on or follow wherever our friend suggested, this time determining he should be my companion in all future explorings. What did I want him for ? Never you mind. I had my reasons. ,, We drove back to our hotel, stopping by the way at Booth s Museum, where, if any of my readers ever go. they will spend a very pleasant hour or so. and a very great number of dollars if they are curiosity hunting. Mr. Booth is a curiosity in himself-i.e., he is moderate m his charges, and genuine in his articles, withal civH ar.i obliging to purchasers, and those who only come to - puU his things about." I increased my expenditure considerably here, of course; Booths Museum is about half way on the right hand side between Niagara Bridge and the Falls. When we returned to the " British" we had a big lunch, and I never drank bo much intoxicating liquid in my life in so short a sittmg. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 87 Lucille said I should be muzzy ; but did you ever, ray dear sir, feel in that semi-excited, semi-sleepy, wholly don't-carish condition, a buoyancy in the heart and elasticity in the head,as if the two but required any amount of liquor to make them hooroosh together, and go in at anything — getting drunk was an improbability, if you have, you know, my sensation, after returning from the watery landscape I have just attempted in my own way to describe. After lunch we started over the suspension bridge for the American side of the river. The suspension bridge ; I should like to stop in the middle of it, and ask a question or two. Feader, did you ever see a bridge anywhere in your travels that you could sit down mid^ iy on it, or at both ends— I mean one after the other, aiid then go down under- neath it, and then wish for a balloon to go up over it, and forget all about breakfast and dinner, and supper, and politics, and not care for -anything but the bridge, for well, ever so long, and get up early the next morning, after a hard day's work, to go and have a quiet look at a bridge— any bridge you have ever seen. If you have done this much, you needn't come to Niagara, because it would be tedious to have to do it all over again. Can't I draw ? Of course I can draw ; but I canuot draw either Niagara Falls, or Niagara Su^^^ension Bridge. No more could you, or anyone else that ever drawd, and do them justice. The American side is, in my opinion, far the prettiest drive, and the view of the Falls from Goat Island, the finest. I did enjoy myself. Eves, who had seen everything a hundred times, and lost his eye for the magnificent, contented himself with feasting the same upon what he considered better worth looking at, and he enjoyed /timself. Lucille was frightened to death OT^ery five minutes, lest the earth should give way under her, or tliat I should tumble into the water, and enjoyed herself. We medicated a further outlay at a curiosity shop kept by a turnpike man, on the bridge over the Eapids, but this individual's exceeding amount of Yankee impu- dence tied up our purse-strings, and we wont home, suffering much from high spirits and bodily fatigue. By-the-bye, Grantley Berkeley was •♦ doing the Falls" on the same day as ourselves, and I wrote my name in the Visitors' Book on Goat Island, immediately underneath his. There's a chance for autograph collectors ! 88 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, IS 1;^ I One day at Niagara is the same as another, weather permitting, unless you tumble in, or something of the kind happens to damp /our ardour —so, having given you a sample, I will not stop at Niagara any longer, but, hurry back to Hamilton, pay my bill, have a final chaff with the doctor, and off we go, our destination being Ottowa, the chosen site of the New House of Parliament. I forgot to say that while at Hamilton we journeyed to a place called St. Catherine's, a cold-watev-cure spa, about twenty miles off, and there gave an entertainment to the most queer of all queer audiences. The proprietor, a Mr. (or, aa ihey called him. Colonel) Stevenson, gave us the use of the room (his dining-room) gratis, and our stage consisted of all the dining tables put together at the end of the room, with a perilous centre entrance from the " washing vp" regions beyant, by means of two ice-pails and a knife-board. We dressed in our private rooms for the commencement of the piece, and being ready in good time, I betook myself downstairs to see that all was right for Lucille's and my own quick changes ; while so occupied, Stocks came to me, and with a preliminary and unusual grin, said— '« You'U have to be very funny to-night, sir ; I never see such a rum set. They all got one foot in the g.-ave, and the other in bandages ! There's an old gout has got three blackies to carry him down, and he's got a thing like a brass blunderbuss put to his ear, and they'll have to tell him what you say; and there's a lady I rolled up in a blanket, and she's agoing to sit close alongside of the stage to be out of the draught, and-" here I was obliged to cut his catalogue of eccentrici- ties, in order to prepare Lucille for the sight, knowing the abilities of her risible muscles, when anything ridiculous in the audience catches her eye while acting. We bad a very full room, nearly all ladies, always (I hope to be forgiven) a most unpleasant audience, especially if the actress be pretty, and the actor so intent upon himselfandAis business, to care a'^out them on theirs. After the performance was over, and the debtor and creditor account « totled" up, 1 found that Colonel Stevenson- though charging nothing for the room, made up for his munificence by piling up his bill, and sticking me in>edoMars for gas ' the very outside extra cost, must have been imide fifty cents. ' THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 89 I was so disgusted with this imposition, that though I had pro- grammes out for a second night, and people had taken t)ieir tickets, and it would have paid us to have played, I packed up ; and when I should have been making my bow to the Stevenson House audience, we were quietly enjoying OTir dinners in Hamilton. From Hamilton we went to London ; but both Lucille and myself having colds, and not liking the aspect of " things in general," we dropped the professional for awhile, and dined at seven o'clock, and ate cheese and vegetables, and walked about without being stared at, the same as other people. We stayed one night at Port Hope on our way to Ottowa, and, much to my displeasure, I found that my original quarters were the only ones that I could put up at, the opposition house being closed for repairs. I have heard since, that this place and its proprietor have " shut up," which I sincerely trust may be the fate of a few others, my limits prevent me from noticing which, both house and landlord, instead of being a blessing to the wear; and confiding traveller, are gross impositions, a " delusion and a snare." We arrived at the Pres- cott Junction, where the line branches off for Ottowa, at an early hour on a bitterly (5old morning. We were tired, and preferred* chancing a part night's rest to an entire night's railway shaking, and suffered by our preference. Don't ye, Oh my followers, do likewise ! Unpromising as the "house of call" was externally, its interior arrangements were even more unprepossessing still. Beds there w«re, and a roof, and beer, and well, there, I don't know what Heenan's eyes were like, when he left off with Sayers, but he couldn't have been more bhnd than was I when T essayed to look at my watch, after having suffered ejccruciating torture for some five hours, and thought it " time to get up." However, " it is an ill wind," &c., &c. — as was shown as follows. Having contrived to prop one eyelid open, and thereby managed to manoeuvre myself into my clothes, I went down in no very agreeable state of mind and body, you may be sure, and on presenting myself before the landlord of the so-called hotel (an enormous Irishman), ere I could give vent to my feelings, as 1 intended, I was greeted with i i '!« 90 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, at *' Bjr tbe powers ! — but they've bin and sarvcd you shameful ! Come here, man !" And before I knew what he was up to, I found my head grasped in one hand, while with the other, he knocked out the aahes of his pipe upon the table, and in an inconceivable short time manufac- tured a sort of mercurial-looking ointment, by means of you may guess what ; and, in spite of my struggles, plentifully applied, and rubbed in, the pleasant compound into my eyebrows, cheeks, and fore- head, then releasing me with a jerk, and surveying his manipulation with a grin of satisfaction, he said, " There let it bide, if ye plaze, and ye'll bo sound as an apple in five minutes." This prophecy proved correct, and I thereby profited in the possession of a valuable recipe, ■which since (self-mixed, and self-applied), I have never known in similar, or cases of mosquito, gnat, or nettle sting, to fail. One other, and pleasanter little circumstance connected with Pres- cott, I deem worth mentioning— viz., that just previously to leaving, I purchased in the smallest tobacconist's shop I ever saw, some of the finest tobacco I ever smoked. It bore the funny nan\e of " Bilbj Bowlegs." I have never been able to get the identical stuff since, and herein make honourable mention d it, and weep its absence. We reached Ottowa about four o'clock in the afternoon, and, for the first time in Canada, travelled in a coach without wheels ; the ground was covered with snow, and every conveyance was converted into a sleigh. Lucille's only expressed remark on the subject was, that it "bumped awfully." We arrived, without adventure or mishap, at ♦' The George" (I think), a very old-fashioned English-looking mn (as •' Georges" mostly are everywhere), where we were met by one Jos, Lee, a friend of our friend. Captain B., of quondam mention— an Eng- lishman, something in the Customs, a soi-disant actor, and present pro- prietor of '^e theatre, which was just buiit and not yet opened, a particulariy gentlemanly " joUy" fellow. I had written to him to do the necessary for me, in the billing and posting, &c., aud he had spared no pains to make the thing public. He had rented a sort of chapel for us— that is, it had been a chapel, and was now a Sunday-school and concert-room, and a very uncomfortable-looking concern. Hov^ever, it i! THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 91 was *• Hobson's choice— that or none" — therefore we played therein, and and when, from the dens where we dressed (1 thought at one time that Lncille was practising the cachuca, her chattering teeth doing tlie castanets, and her feet beating time), I heard the clatter of hoofs and a hum of voices, I vowed I would not again believe in appearances. The hall was ouite full, and with an audience determined to be pleased. The second night it was crowded, and I was eavage that I had taken the advice of (of course) good authority to " only play two nights, as the people were very slow there, and wouldn't stand more." I verily believe we migho have done good business for a fortnight, as I had not been idle with my pen, and wo now boasted three distinct entertainments. However, we had made engagements to appear at Montreal and Quebec, and could not stay. We devoted our last unoccupied day to a drive to the Falls, and other sights round and about the city. The Falls (as we saw them) are in many respects much more beautiful and interesting than Niagara. The day was intensely cold, but bright and runny. There were rocks nd cones of solid ice of most fantastic shapes, and a myriad of Koh-i- rs could not have equalled the beauty of the prismatic colouring, height of the Falls is, of course, nothing equal to Niagara, nor the vie of the water nearly so great ; but I felt more excitement, inas- n tbat while the latter occasions a solemn wonder at its falling masses, v/hich look as if they would coutinue to fall in the same direc- tion, with the same regularity and the same sound, until Doomsday, the Ottawas are perpetually startling you with the idea that in their uproarious wildness, they'll make a rush at you, or turn rouad, and run sowewhere else, or do something that water never did before ; and, as you may have remarked, while listening to some swollen moun- tain torrent in the still night, the roar and rash rise and fall upon the ear — now loud, now dying away, and at irregular intervals ; so do the Falls of Ottowa — only, of course, magnified many thousand degrees. But then, as I said before, 1 cannot do the descriptive ; so, if my readers know no more of the Ottowa Falls than they did before, I can't help it, A tremandous snow-storm came on about four in the afternoon, and effectually stopped our wanderings, but not before we had visited the T 92 A THliATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, 6ite of the new Parliament Buildings : and I had time to decide that a lovelier spot was not to be found in all Canada ; and if neulral grounil is an objecn. with the powers that be, they have dropped upon it, and no mistake, for it would take a clever geographer to say whether the same stands in Upper or Lower Canada. Hud I time, I here feel inclined to go in at a little bit of politics, but possibly 1 might put my foot in it, so I will content myself with saying that the present feelings ol the two Canadas towai-ds each other must not, and cannot, continue, '^here will be a row, and North America loveth us not. Unity is strength, &c., &c. Do you know what I would do if J were somebody ? I would do away with the present tin-po^ show c;' Government, and make a Regency of Canada. Why not? Take the v*.t,e of every landmner and hovr. holder of all grades in Upper and Lowi;r Canada, ?ind know then the opinion of th-^se whose opinion is only worth knowing. There is a growing Republicanism, and a bastard Americanism, in our English Canada, that may " put us up a tree" if left to iatten on its own free filth and come to maturity, while we thought it yet in its cradle. Hoop- de-doodeu-doo ! There's a bit of politics, in spite of myself. T: I felt- T THKOUGH „,^<. UNITED STATES A.ND CANADA. a J 10 le tc JO vo ill c. io be a sh <-ee CHAPTEK XI. Once more in Montreal, and ono more before an admiring audience ; this time with proper preliminary notice and previous f imo. Again, we were indebted to Mr. Nordheimer's kind consideration, to the leniency of the press, and the appreciation of the public. St, Andrew's Festival was celebrated here during our stay, and, in compliance to the wishes expressed to us by a deputation of the St, Andrew's committee, wo postponed our Wt performance to give our services /or a song (literally and figuratively) at the City Hall, an enormous edifice, on this occasion crowded to 'suffocation with the aristocracy and tag-rag and bob-tail of Canadian ".r^y Scotland.' Lucille sang "Annie Laurie," for the Scotchme ! and Robert toi qui j'aime," for the Frenchmen (in which, as I said before, Montreal abounds) ; and I sang " The Maple Leaf," a Canadie a national song, to the twain. We gained many laurels and a few dollars by the transaction, and shortly bade farewell, a long farewell, to tir-topped Montreal. I did not leave our friend, M., and Mr. Nordheimer, and the St. La\rrence Hall without regret. We did retuiu for a few hours, en route for New York, but few knew it, and I scarcely had time to say again, good-bye, though I shall have, in its proper place, to recount the only really perilous adventure we under- went iia the course of our journey, as occurring on our filial departure from Montreal. Our second sojourn at Quebec, though it extended over five weeks, was unmarked by much incident ; the snow now covered the ground with a solid cake of purest whiteness, to the depth of some six or seven feet. Oh, you don't beheve it ! Well, ask anyone who has bc-en in Canada, how long it takes to do that, with a continuous fall and a steady north-east wind, with the thexmometer ten below Zero, imd he or they will answer, " About five days," or I am no true historian. Blocks of ice, of acres in '■^e^ aud lour, five, and six feet in thickness, rammed, jammed, and dam — (I a^ not swearing), dammed up the great i -.ft '.'1 94 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, rapid river. Sleighing and tobogging, form the only amusement at this season ; the latter-named, being one of the oddest pastimes for adults I know of. It consists in a lady or gentleman dragging a plank of wood, turned up like a skate at one end, to the top of a steep snowy incline — then, seating themselves thereon, the lady in front (coudled between the gentleman's legs), and sliding down to the bottom, at which happy ter- mination, in nine cases out of ten, the concern capsizes, and the lady and gentleman, after an exciting struggle in the soft snow (the lady has generally three or four pairs of trousers on, so it don't matter), get up convulsed with laughter, and — do it all over again. We gave two farewell performances at Quebec, and, this time, had my own money-taker, much to the evident chagrin of the lessee of the Hall, who officiated as such on the former occasion. But Stocks had now, by experience, " got up" in the business, and having been done, in one or two instances, by unscrupulous bogus* money passers, was now as 'cute as the 'cutest. Mr. W., having no longer any, or at all events, as much, interest, in the affair as formerly, I regret to say behaved some- what shabbily, and threw many impediments in our way ; and I unhesi- tatingly warn my followers, should they use this Hall, to be cautious in the framing of their agreement. The entertainments were well attended, and from hence I trans- mitted my final balance-sheet to England, showing a clear ^'atn of £500, achieved in little over six months, and almost solely by the representa- tion of the productions of works of my own pen ; by sale of songs of my own composition, and books of entertainment of my own writing. Here, also, I showed the manuscript of a portion of this little narrative, and received a tempting offer from a speculative publisher for the copy- right of the same, in Canada, which doubtless I might, had I needed it, have included in my honest gains, by my " talent, as actor, singer, author, and composer." However, as there were one or two " items in my account" that I thought might be objected to, I determined not to slacken in my labours, and after a somewhat wearisome, stay at the " Clarendon" (which made a hole in a full purse — Go not there !) in Quebec, we bade adieu to the scene of the immortal Woolfe's victory and death, and turned our faces southward to New York, via Montreal. • A Yankee term for "sham." THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 95 We had an exciting passage across the river to Point Levi ; but thanks to the kind assistance of a gentleman (who, I suppose, will forgive me for here giving his name to the world — ahem ! though I did not ask his permission, as one of the select few of jolly good fellows men- tioned in this highly-meritorious work) we surmounted all difficulties without further inconvenience than was consequent upon the uproar- ious laughter in which we were compelled to indulge. We crossed in a large flat-boiomed canoe, steered by our friend Charlton, and propelled by eight stalwart Canadian boatmen, sometimes high and dry on a huge block of ice, when the crew were out in an instant, and swim- ming, wading, or struggling in all shapes and ways, they pulled and pushed the canoe as if it were a sleigh until it went plump into the water again. Then, such duckings and splashings to regain their seats — then, out oars, and away we would go some hundred yards, and shoot into a little creek just wide enough for one boat's width, when we did a little bit of punting with long iron-spiked poles — Charlton watching every inlet and outlet, as only one who had crossed in a similar fashion hundreds of times could do, and steering with consummate nicety. The ice on either side towered some five or six feet, so that occasionally he would jump out, much to Lucille's horror, as he said, "to take the bearings," and in again like a cat, with a " shove her along I — now she goes ! — now she don't ! — out again, boys ! — Lord, there's the water got into my boots ! Miss Lucille, what are you laughing at ?" It took us three quarters of-an-hour to do this amphibious (I know the term is wrong, but never mind) journey, but with worse luck and less ex- perienced men, passengers are sometimes four or five hours out; indeed. Stocks with the luggage, though he started an hour before, arrived, with his ears frost-bitten, halfan-hour after us. We had to stay the night at a sort of shebeen shop, apology for a public house, and here a slight adventure must be chronicled, as it tended to the enlargement of our little party. Lucille would have with her, as her constant companion, a hermetically-sealed-to-all-but- b — — li.* l..»,j ^{.I...4 ^i><«» a*^ .4- / ♦»^^.»f>*. 4-*^ 4-Vt.ri Wntv lrv»i%«T ' I 'Vv.f^ V.*i<-* %Krne% UrSCil, Uilg ll'/tttt M-ttC! in it, l ncrti iM liiio uaj , iriivn. j. jiio Ua.-^ rtdo my positive plague ; in railway carriages, boats, and bed-roems, it was 'i I fll '\ "!'i n A THEATBICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, always " left behind again !" — and, of course, poor Pill Garlick had to send, go, or in some way retrieve said bag, often to the losing of a train or boat, and always to the ditto of my otherwise excellent temper. On the present occasion when we had, as I thought, shaken ourselves down for the night, and I was enjoying in anticipation the demolition of a beef-steak — the perfume of the trimmings of which already pervaded our apartment— I was horror-stricken on hearing a familiar voice exclaim, in semi-angry accents, " Now, ma, you have never gone and done it again ?" I knew, instanter, what that meant. That blessed bag was left at the railwpy station, or depot, and, of course, (Stocks being out on some business or other), off I started (distance, little short of a mile) be- moaning the certain ruin of the steak, and mentally bestowing every species of abuse upon the wretched bag. Arrived at the depvSt, I discovered in the doubtful light the " left luggage" room ; I " pulled the bobbin, and up went the latch" — an oil lamp, nearly out, was on a table in the centre of the bam-like apartment, and all round and about was strewed and stored an indescribable confusion of " left" and right luggage. "Anyone here?" Echo answered "nobody," which I thought irregular to say the least of it. I took a turn round, and, "the saints be praised! here's the bag !" I delightedly and audibly exclaimed, clutching the article and turning to depart rejoicing. A deep growl deep, determined, and distractingly close to my dexter calf — made me drop the article like a hot potato, and I immediately became aware of the presence of a pair of " glowing orbs," which experience warned me were the property of a large animal of the canine species, lying crouched beneath the aforementioned table. I thought I -.vould put the door between me aud possible danger, and with that praisewoithy and prudent intent," I hacked towards the door, when, to my horror, that wretched contrivance, seized by a wicked whim, or a gust of wind, suddenly slammed to — the beast sprang from underneath the table, capsizing the same and extinguishing the light, and in less than no time I felt a sharp cut on my face, a pair of heavy paws upon my shoulders, aud over we went, hitting my head a nasty knock in my 1- < o Q i o 'li^**^ ^ ?i THEOUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 97 descent against a paiticular sharp corner of something or other. I was uppermost, that was something — I held on . like grim Death to what seemed to me an animated door-mat ; and didn't I" holloa ?' — Rather ! " Now then, what's up ? — jist hold on, young 'un, till I come ! Darn it, whar's the glim?" " Hang the glim !" X said, blowing like a grampus, and not a little frightened, too, " call your confounded dog away ! — or I'll throttle him, by G— d !" " No fear of that, lad !" was the new comer's pleasant reply; " look out for thee own wizen, thee's cotched a Tartar this journey ! — that's - fact !" " Don't be a fool !" I exclaimed, feeling that my fingers had not the slightest effect upon the brute's throat, and /eeZtn^ also that I wasi bleeding. " I am no thief, but a traveller; and if you don't come here' instantly, I'll shoot the dog, and you, too !" This bloodthirsty threat had its effect ; he spoke to the dog, and snapped a match on the Wdll. T ho dog left me with a low growl of disappointed defiance, and his owner examined me, holding the light . above his head. • '* Confound you, for a stupid ass !" I savagely exclaimed, " can't you. see that beast has bitten me ?' , "An' sarve you right ! What wur you doing in this .. ?" T rapidly explained the circumstance, and the custodian of stray carpet bags forthwith altered his tone — " The dog was raised on tha premises, and know'd as well as a Christian everybody that com'd near the place, and hop'd I wasn't hurt," which I was, for the animal's tooth or teeth had just caught the bridge of my nose and ray cheek-bone, almost laying bare the latter. Some cold water and sticking plaister soon allayed and patched up the wounds, and then I spoke, " I must have that dog !" " Well, I guess, you oughter had enough of him !" "WiU you sell him?" " No." " Then I shall kill him !" N 98 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, *' Will ye ?" My answer was the sudden production of a small revolver, unloaded. " Hut, tut — hold on ! Ye want to buy, 'cause the beast's a bitten ye ?" " Yes." " What 11 ye give ?" " What do you ask ?" " Say, twenty dollars," " There's the money." " Well, now, the missus '11 be precious savage — but twenty dollars, twenty dollars ! — that's fact ! Whar do ye live ?" " Come along, and I'll show you." A glass of whisky to the master, and a plate of meat to the animal half-aa-hour after, made all friendlily disposed to each other, and from then I became owner of the splendid animal that has since been my constant companion, Lucille's great pet, and the original of the accompanying sketch. It may, perhaps, not be out o-f order at this portion of my little history, to devote a page (contrary to my intentions at starting on my lite5p,ry effort) to a table of distances and first and second-class fares from Quebec, to such towns as I consider, from experience and hearsay, ehgible for Entertainment purposes. In most of them I have been myself, but owing to no agent in advance, I was obliged to pass through, and thereby lost many opportunities. \ THBOUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 9" o o o ts a o CO CO (0 cc a ui £: o •< t— ■ S CO 5-0 3 OQ ^ rs, lal tm en he tie •es ly. en S -^ ^ *^ o o H- )>-• O |{^ CO o P! o o o K> #c 00 g 0(^^2 >■ ? s ^ 2 ^ ;t3 o tzj g tH w a o o 13 = H S O- ?r ^ o cS 5.dQ 5 £-5 tdtd o ti CD OSOOSOSC^OSCOOiP— '>U.O3CnC0«OQ0 OOO^COWvjOOCnOfflOH-'OSCO g 0»^-t2Js50'.|— I ^ 2 w DQ O O O O ~5 o o o o w o o o O O O JOtn(yTlf».0»03U«^OSCOiatOSlfi>'0503^ pa 'i^ooooooowoiooooo'^ 09 Q Cj O CJ •^ "-! l-S i-J P3 p3 JO CO B B B R &< p. p^ P^ 2 3 1^ 2 c p c s B 3 B d OQ to a H •-< c ^ pr Pi-' WW ^ Www H" i' ^ ^ ^ ^^ ,p; p p p CO p CO « as « > M OQ W Hi Hi W 09 1-3 & feJ O .o a W Ij 11 ii ' 111 f li] i! 100 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, I also here am tempted to append a route for a yachting tour, origi- nally compiled for my own private and especial usage and benefit, but now, upon " second thoughts," unselfishly given to all whom it may concern, with a thorough conviction that should any enterprising Yachtsman take the trip, he will return much gratified with the same, and grateful to me. QUEBEC TO MONTREAL. MONTREAL TO KINGSTON. KINGSTON TO PORT DALHOUSIE. PORT DALHOUSIE TO PORT COLBORNE. By the River St. Lawrence, distance 189 miles; good navigation for vessels drawing 20 feet of water. By the River St. Lawrence, distance 200 miles. Passing round the rapids by Canals, four in number, the whole looks about 35 miles, and navigable for vessels drawing 8 feet, the locks being 210 feet long, and 50 ft. wide. Sixty miles below Kingston com- mences the Lake of the Thousand Islauds, where good fishing will be found. By Lake Ontario, distance 225 miles. By the Willand Canal, distance 28 miles, navigable for vessels drawing 9 feet water, the locks being 150 long and 26 feet wide. Niagara Falls 12 miles distant from Port Dalhousie. V THROUGH T»E UNITED STATES AND CANADA. M V PORT COLBOBNE TO DETROIT By Lake Eni, distance 300 miles thence, or by Detroit River, dis- tance 25 miles. DETROIT TO PORT SARNIA. By Lake St. Clair, distance 20 miles, and River St. Clair, distance 40 miles. PORT SARNIA TO By LakeSf awn, crossed byGeorgianBay SACJLT ST. MARIE. a distance of 500 miles. Georgian Bay abounds in fish, and is of the same character of scenery as the Lake of the Thousand Islands, but much greater in extent — about 150 miles long and 100 miles wide — containing upwards of '20,000 Islands and Inlets. SAULT ST. MAIN TO By the north shore of Lake Superior, FORT WILLIAM where will be found the best fishing AMD in America. Distance to Fort Wil- SUPERIOR CITY. liam 250 miles ; thenoe to Superior City, 150 miles. Tug Steamers will be found.at all places when the wind may render it desirable to employ them, in Canals, Rivers, &c. Bayfield's Charts (which are remarkably correct) of the whole of the foregoing route, excepting the Canals, may be had at Potter's, in the Poultry, London. The St. Lawrence, between liOngueil and Montreal, had been frozen over many weeks, and there had been symptoms for some days past of the ice breaking up. On the morning of our starting from Montreal, I 102 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, w\ was making a hurried breakfast, when Stocks (who, I had hoped, was midway across the river with the baggage) came lo me, and said he " couldn't get no such thing as a sleigh to cross, 'cos it had been 'nounced dangerous." I asked him how the mails were going (as it was the mail-train we meant travelling by), and, he replied, he " didn't know, but sposed somehow." " Well," I answered, " we will go somehow, too !" And somehow we did. I packed off Stocks, bag and baggage, in ihe mail omnibus, thinking he might feel himself glorified in perishing (if there was to be any perish- ing) with her Majesty's mail bags, and forthwith sought a conveyance for ourselves, which I had some difficulty in obtaining, they all refusing to cross the river, excepting some miles round by Point St. Charles. A.t last, I engaged a big-whiskered Scotchman and his " cuckoo," for the consideration of five dollars, to get us to Longueil, the best way he could, in time for the train. After about ten minutes of the ordinary amount of bumping, an extraordinaty quantity of the same induced me to put my head out of the window, when I discovered that Scotchy, after all, was taking the short-cut across the river.'and the unevenness of the ice corroborated what had been told me of the probability of a speedy " break uo." I did not tell Lucille or her mother of this immediately, but the jumping and jolting became every moment so much greater, and our progress, in proportion, so much slower, that tbe fact was soon patent to all, and the alarm consequently unmistakeable. The traek was marked by branches of trees, stuck up on either side at intervals of about one hundred yards, and the oozing of the water through the hojps in which they were placed, vas ominous. We were now about midway, and the fissures — yeajissures, reader — becoming wider and more frequent, i began to think I ought to comply with Lucilie's terrified entreaty to " turn back," and communicated our desire to Scotchy. What was our surprise on hearing him reply, " Na, ye canna turn ba^k — we maun mak' the beest of a bad beesness ; hauld oop !" This last to the horse, who at the moment dropped his hind legs into a crack, and didn't seem able to get them out again. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 108 To add to our miseries and difificulties, a blinding storm of sleet new came on, and the bellying and cracking of the ice under us was really alarming. Keeping our seats was impossible. Had the sleigh been an open one, I would not have so much cared, as in the event of its ffoing through, the danger of which was now imminent, I might have thrown the feminines out on the broken ice, and held them safe until help arrived. As it was, we should ha"e gone down like squirrels in a cage. Of course, everybody knows we were not drowned, so I will make my story short by saying that we eventually got on to sound ice in shallow water, end thence on shore to receive quite an ovation from a large crowd who had assembled and watched our dangerous voyage, almost from its commencement. We were the last that crosbcd, and in an hour the mail road was a confused mass of rough waves and rugged blocks of floating ice. *' All's well that ends well," and so ends this Chapter. s:.-dii.i.i^i^mmm-w-'9-a.. 101 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, CHAPTER Xn. 1 From Montreal to New York wac the most interesting road we bad yet travelled. Lovely country, fine rivers, large towns, and wonderful bridges. We stayed a night "at the Troy House, in Troy, a very clean und handsome-looking town. I made all necessary inquiries with regard to giving our Entertainment there in the course of a few weeks, aijd found the newspapers well inclined to help me. To one gentleman connected with the press of Troy, I candidly communicated my doubts of success, after the way in which the New York papers had treated me. His answer was, " New York is not America ; and it has of late usurped such self-supremacy, that in four cases out of five what they write up, the press of other cities write dov;n, out of sheer opposition." And he gave me several instances of tremendous hits in New York, failing to make any impression in Boston, Philadelphia, and other places. I was much struck by the superiority of the *' turn-outs" in this town to those I had yet seen anywhere else. Of course, all the carriages were sleighs, as even here the snow was several inches thick ; but the horses and harness were unexceptionable, and the fur robes and trimmings very handsome. We left Troy with the determination of returning at a future day. Again in Ne«v York, after an absence of nearly seven months. Any- thing more disgusting than the state of the streets I nevor saw. London, after a week of November rain and fog, was never in such a pickle. The brilliant Broadway was (I do not exaggerate) knee-deep in mud and slush ; the omnibuses, in order to bring about this agreeable state of things, 1 to prevent the hack sleighs from taking from them any portion t ^ their human trafl&c, carry with them bags of salt, which, as fast as snow falls, and shows a disposition of hardening, they literally shower over it — the effect of which, anybody chemically informed, will know ; and the uuiuformed, from the foregoing lines, will guess. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 105 ik This time we put up at a house kept by an Englisbman, in Princes- streef , and were tolerably comfortable, having a private sitting-room, and our meals served therein, in proper English fashion. Consider., my wager won, and myself as no longer under the ban of incognito, ^ now made a point of seeing and introducing myself to everybody who had shown the least disposition to befriend the " Amateur," and in & short time made arrangements with the proprietors of the Hope Chapel Hull, on Broadway, for a series of entertainments, and though my old eaemies still showed their venom in " feint praise," I Roon found that T could hold my own in New York, and the " Programme" (the American Era) thus spoke of us . — " Captain Morton Price and Miss Catharinb Lucette. — This gentleman, whose real name ?'; Horton Rhys, and turns out to be roally an Amateur, of which, on his former visit to New York, we reasonably had, and expreased, our doubts, has now located himself at the Ho['6 Chapel Hall, and, with his fair and accomplished ally, is giving a series of the entertainments with which he seems to have made a most successful t through the Canadas. We dropped in last evening, and found the room fully and fashionably attended, and, contrary to our intentions, we found attraction sufi&cient to detain us to the close of the performance, which in all respects, is worthy a visit from all who delight in good English music, and more than ordinary good acting." This was a turn round, and no mistake. The other papers, with a few exceptions, followed suit ; and I would here tender my thanks to Wilkes Spirit of the Times for the uniform kindness and support I received from that journal (the American Bell's Life). There is another sporting paper, 'yclept The Clipper, which, to the Spirit, is, as the Telegraph to the Times, and to whose uniform malignity, T shall ever " owe one." About this time, the coming great fight for the champion- ship, between Heenaix and Tom Sayers, engrossed the thoughts and conversation of all classes in New York, and I soon got into hot water by the too (for my own health) free expression of my opinions ther,v0n, and other intematiovMl matters. The Americans were still smarting under the defeat inflicted on them by the English Cricketers, and seemed to look forward to this fight to !i1 t4 100 A theatbioaIj trip for a wager, recover their lost laurels. Every paper, however previously peaceable in deportment, had now sporting correspondence and pugilistic para- graphs, and considerably " riled" at the bounce and balderdash contained therein, I forthwith rushed into print, and fierce were the onslaughts made on my " opinions" b} sundry fire-eating pen-wielders. I will give you, dear reader, a specimen to prove to you that to the best of my single-handed power, I " stuck up" for the honour of " the old country." LETTER FROM CANADA UPON THE ENGLISH CRICKETERS. Apology for Julius Casar. " Montreal, Jan. 10. " My Dear Sir, — I have this day read in your Spirit of last week an account of the dinner given to the English Cricketers at a ' hostelrie,' in that hot-bed of cricketers, the county of Surrey, England. You have thought fit to bestow a cut from your editorial lash upon Julius Caesar for thus speaking in the opening of his speech on that occasion : ' They (the cricketers) certainly were received in Canada in a very kind and hospitable manner, indeed, but ho (J. C.) could not possibly say so much for tne United States,' Will you allow me, an Englishman, to say, or rather write, a few words upon the quoted sentence ? I will preface them with my own opinion of the same. It teas a thought- less and vnjustifiahle statement, and I will tell you why : Julius Caesar in thus giving his opinion to the cricketing world of England, meant to say that which he didn't ; he meant to complain, of certain pecuniary arrangements by which the pecuniary benefit which would have accrued to him and his c^^nfreres, on the occasion of the third day's play, became seriously lessened. This, however, was no fault on the American side ; it lay rather on that of the English. " The gentleman who had the whole and sole management of the money matters connected with the Eleven, should have thoroughly explained to them the terms on which they took their benefit, before the benefit took place. AH would then have been well. They might have accepted or refused the said benefit. I am not prepared to say he did not do so. If he did, there must iiave been a groat mistake on bis part, or on that of the American agent in the matter. This, however, smacks of mis- management, but cannot hint at ' unkindness' or lack of ' hospitality.' Those who heard J. Caesar's speech (saving the Eleven themselves) THROUGH THE UNITEP STATES AND CANADA. 107 would riot take it in that light. They (the guests and entertainers) would think they were not received in New York, Philadelphia, and Rochester as men should meet men speaking the same language as themselves, as cricketers should meet cricketers, as Americans should meet Englishmen. Therefore, do I raise my voice, or rather pen, * unaccustomed as I am,' &c., &c., to refute the construction that most likely vnll be put upon the sentence in question ; and how can I do it better than by giving verbatim the opinion of two of the Eleven (their names are at your service if you want them, one was present at the banquet, the other was not), as to their reception and treatment by the New Yorkers? *• No. 1. — ' Upon my soul, sir, we thought they never would have let us come away. Morning, noon, and night it was ' Where is P., where is L., where is J. ?' We were quite bored with their hospitality.' "No. 3. — ' Stand treat ? I don't think any one of us ever paid a copper, out of our own hotel, for either a drink or a amoke.' " t shall be in England, wind and waves permitting, next Spring, and believe me it will be no fault of mine if one erroneous idea remains in the heart of any Englishman with regard to the treatment and recep* tion of the English Eleven in America. " Yours, dear sir, &c., &c., M." LETTER FBOM " MORTON PRICE." Reply to *' Veritas" — Heenan and Sayers — Umpire and the Derby — Devoy and Mitchell — Phelan, Roberts, and Berger, in (he International Matches. " My Dear Sir,— I fear that my reply to • Veritas,' in your edition of the 1 1th inst., must have in some way * riled' that gentleman, as I find him using my name entire and by instalments, in his various pen- and-ink skirmishes, to such an extent, that I may shortly be expected to be looked upon as a species of ' household word' by those who read yo correspondence. I don't object, but must here say it is not crraceful or courteous to call names ! Since last writing to you I have re-perused 'Veritas" rejoinder, and take so much umbrage at one 108 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, sentence therein that I must quote it. It occurs half-way down his first column, and runs thus : • In the first place, his remark' (meaning mine) ' implied — he' (meaning me) ' wishes it now to imply something else — that superiority in height was a positive disadvantage to a man, ^3 he a good sparrer or had— vide his article^' ' Veritas' here unjustly undertakes to show a shuffle on my part, without the ghost of a pretence for doing so. And, secondly, asserts that I have given to your readers an opinion that would at once ' stamp me Goose,' aud unworthy of a place among the correspondents of the Spirit, If * Veritas' can by any possibility establish, from my words, or the tenour of my argument, that 'be he a good sparrer or bad" was by me implied, I knock under and hide my ' diminished head' at once and for ever. I based my opinion as to Heenan's height being a disadvantage to him upon what has been given to me as fact, by an experienced eye-witness of the contest between him and Morrissey — viz., that when Morrissey suc- ceeded in breaking through Heenan's guard, and getting home a heavy blow, although Heenan was quite fresh, he couldn't keep his hands down, his arms flew round wildly, and he was licked in five minutes, by as many of Morrissey 's rib-benders. Those of your readers who saw the fight well know how near +his is to truth ; and thus for the present I will dismiss ' Veritas' ' misconception and consequent mis-statement. I do like your correspondent ' America ;' he does speak as if he would stick to ' the Boy' *6 his last farthing, and if ' the Boy' should chance to be beaten, would stick to him still. That's the sort of backer I like. First knock down, first Ml, ' rst blood, and fight, all to be won nobly, and patriotically. Hurrah ! * A second Waterloo, in which two of the greatest generals in the world ever produced are to contend.' That aimUe I do not like, for, if I can credit my eyes and ears, this will be a case of General against no General — a great captain at the head of a smaller force ofbone and muscle, size, weight, and sinew, against a newly- appointed and inexperienced commander of a vastly greater strength of the same commodity. Waterloo truly resembled this in all, but that the Generals were equally well expcfienccu, anu the superiority in quantity on one side was negatived by the quality on the other. This THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 109 may be a second Waterloo yet. And though I do not wish to enter into the lists in any way with ' Am>3rica' (I mean your correspondent), ex- cepting that of good fellowship, I must say, I think if he threw a little less nationality into his opinions, and left Paul Jones and his victories in British waters out of the argument, his letters would be accepted by both your American and Enghsh readers with much more pleasure. I do not think it can be the wish of either to create feelings of animosity in the coming contest. I say. Studiously avoid that ! Remember, Heenan is now in the land of strangers, one of whom he is going to fight — not because he is an Englishman, but because he is the champion boxer of the world. Tom will think no more of Heenan's being an American than if be were a Frenchman or a Nigger ; he knows he has to fight, and lick if he can, a man a good deal bigger than himself, and that's all. I don't think Tom's historical and geographical recollections extend to a knowledge of the locale of English and American suc- cesses and defeats, and if you mentioned Paul Jones, he would probably ask * What was his weight ?' But there are others of more education than Tom, who will read with displeasure such novel training instruction as that proffered by ' America' to Heenan — viz., ' Let him (that's ' the Boy') on some clear morning, climb to the top of some chalk cliff, &c., and call to mind the achievements of Paul Jones, &c., &c., &g.' The cUmbing I don't object to, but I feel aisured that Heenan will have other things to think of than ' Paul Jones' when the event comes off, and I hope that no national war-cries will be heard or needed, to stimulate either combatants to greater ' deeds of daring.' I am, in a smal way, doing my very best to bring about some far more interesting matches (at least I consider them so) than this of Sayers and Heenan. ' Veritas' laughs at my calling the coming contest between these boxers a fight with fists, between a big man and a little one ; but he cannot alter the fact any more than he can, that a large proportion of. at all events Eng- lish, admirers of manly sports won't care a button which gets the worst of the pummelling. Should Umpire win the Derby, Epsom jwns Tinll u7ifriAQa Qiion <* arycino at «)>ifliiiaiaQm oq it- riavat* vai Viae Hmio T'11 take odds both the horse and the jockey are carried back to the weighing 111 110 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, I , I' 4 stand. There will be ' Stripes-and-Stars' neck-ties, • Umpire' coats, and ' Ten Broeck' hats. Such a triumph would, indeed, be a national one. The acknowledged best-looking three-year-old colt ever produced in America, against the pick of all England, carrying fair and even weights, equally well ridden, and equally well trained. The fight will not stand comparison with such a struggle. Well, supposing the battle over, and the Derby won, as fortune chooseth to decide those events, turn we now to the chances of the champion. Chambers, commg over here to try the great gun. Ward, in his own waters. I hope Mr. Wilkes, daring his stay in England, will see the great sculler, though that is improbable, as Newcastle is a long way from London, and Chambers is a stay-at-home. However, express trains in England travel fifty miles an hour, and I don't expect Mr. W. will confine his English ^jxperiences to London. If he does see and speak to him, I think there will be no doubt as to the match coming off. I have written to Mr. Mitchell, the Racket Champion, to make a point of seeing Mr. W., who, by-the- bye, may have a chance of witnessing the match between Erwood and him, and will be able thereby to draw a line between Mr. M. and Devoy. I fear Roberts will not be induced to come ! — he is similarly circum- stanced to Mr. Phelan, and don't care to leave his business to be managed by others. I opine he would be licked if he did, at the big ball game. However, if Mens. Berger will quit his titled and aristo- cratic friends and admirers for a short time, and condescend to accept 6,000 or 10,000 dollars, when he wins them, from the plebeian patrons of Michael Phelan, Mr. Roberts won't be needed to afford a rich treat to the lovers of billiards in New York. And now I must really wind up, hoping I have not trespassed too much on your valuable space, and believe me, " Yours truly, Morton Price." THE INTERNATIONAL MATCHES. *' Nothing extenuate, nor aught set down in malice." TO THE EDIXOB OP WILKES' " 8P1EIX OF THB TlMEa." «• Dear Sir, — If you go on admitting everybody's letters into your paper respecting the anticipated trial of strength, skill, and pluck, 'yclept the * Fight for the Championship,' you'll shortly have to enlarge THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. Ill the said paper considerably, and by way of contributing my mite towards so desirable an object, I beg to have the pleasure of sending for your consideration (and that of your readers, should you insert the same) my opinion of and concerning international matches likely and unlikely to ' come off.' First (and viewed in a belligerent light) most important on the list stands the fight for the Championship low finally arranged to be ' called on' on the 1 6th of April next. Lots of people imagine this will be a great fight. / don't. Lots of people are going ' across' to see John Heenan whip, or be whipped (Anglice, ' lick or be licked') by Tom Sayers. I can't. Lots of people are going to lose or win their (or other people's) money on the result. I shan't. My reasons for so determining may not be uninteresting, as they are unprejudiced, based on experience, and published for the benefit of those seeking information, but ignorant where to apply. Presuming your correspondents, ' F. F.' and 'J. A. D.' to be Americans, I must forthwith attack them for frightening the English P.R. patrons In New York in a most unwarrant- able manner in your last number of the Spirit. The first states, speaking of Nat Langham, ' he compares unfavourably with Heenan in strength, science, or skill as a boxer.' The second, 'he is far inferior to Heenan in science, and the latter could easily drive him out of a ten- acre lot ; Price, Coebum, and others, &c., &c., can out-spar him.' This of the acknowledged best English boxer of the day ! Were this the fact it would be indeed all U P. with the little champion ; but I say em- phatically to those who would lay out their money on facts, not fancies. Don't beheve it I This may seem a rudeness to your correspondents ; it is not meant as such, but I say (looking to the Spirit and the corre- spondence therein, as New Yorkers and Old Yorkers, and middle-aged Yorkers do for guidance and information in" the matter), such assertions as those of ' F. F.' and ' J. A. D.' are i alated to mislead and bias, rather than direct and caution. I have seen Heenan box on two occasions. I have seen Sayers fight all his battles but the last; I backed him for all of them, but that with Langham. The iatter's science at that period was superior to Sayers* ; at that time he was not (as your correspondents correctly state he now is) of "I 112 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, * sickly constitution,' or • spare.' Tom Bayers' only conqueror was as near as possible 100 lb. of bone and muscle, like steel and whip-cord. Yet every man who witnessed the fight, and knows a tittle about fighting, feels assured that had Master Tom been five or six pounds lighter than he was— i.e., in better condition — he would have won. Therefore, I say, Don't — 1 ^cause your correspondents say they have seen Nat Langham (they have not seen him, they have seen his shadow)^ and that he is slim, sickly, &c., &c. — think, therefore, that Heenan must whip Sayers. How Heenan stood up to Grantley Berkeley I know not; he might have disguised his real fighting attitude for the reason ' G. B.' has assumed, but I have seen him spar when he was not aware of an Eng- lishman being present, and I echo the baronet's opinion, that if that is hi» attitude and those his tactics, that he will be licked as sure as his name is Heenan. ** Yours truly, Morton Price." I must also give you a specimen of my most-di6Bcult-to-be-worsted opponent's style, and I think you will admit we were well matched : LETTER FROM " VERITAS"— REPLY TO " MORTON PRICE." " No Man's Land, Feb. 22nd. " If there's a hole in a' your coats, I rede ye tent it ; A chiel's amang you takin' notes. An' faith he'll prent it." " Dear Spirit, — You may perhaps call to mindan interrogatory that appeared frequently at the head of articles in the daily papers, a few years since, when the Rev. Ebenezer "Williams, of Indian Missionary memory, was ' Heir apparent to the throne of France' — viz., " Have we a Bourbon among us ?" If we may be allowed, for a moment, to believe in the transmigration of souls, we may safely congratulate our- selves in having at the present time in our midst one of the famous sporting calebrities of the olden times — perhaps the founder of the ' Olympic Games,' who, having shifted his ' mortal coil' froin one tenement to the other, has come down through many generations, and after appearing for a time as 'Pierce Egan,' or 'Mr. Jackson,' aut THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 113 '-E 11 quicunque aliris—e&sj ci translation— has now deigned to appear to us once more under the guise and cognomen of ' Morton Price.' But, sir, whoever or whatever he may be, it must be evident to all unprejudiced persons that he is a real phenomenon in athletic literature — a perfect mass of ' experience' in all sporting matters — a conglomeration, if one may thus express it, of all the Nos. of BelVa Life, from the moment of its inception down to the present time ; and in our ring matters a volume of a new style of actios, bound in ' sheep,' to -which a ' certain Price' is affixed, but which is nevertheless free — (Igitur gaudeamm) — to all those " seeking information, but in ignorance where to apply." (N. B. — For the above Latin phrase, please overhaul the Psalms of David, and whsn fotmd tarn down a leaf !) " Why, sir, his name should be embalmed in all our memories and handed down from father and son, to future generations of disenthralled Yankees, as the self-abnegating philanthropist, the very personification of disinterested benevolence, who, ' in spite of wind and weather,' dared to cross the stormy waters of the Atlantic — who knows but in mid- winter, without mittens — for the noble purpose of dispensing his ex- haustless stores of Priceless intelligence to the American people, ' based' on the solid foundation of a long-tried experience. (Hear !) And, more- over, the author and getter-up of a series of grand tournaments, on American ground and water, of all the sports congenial to the disposition of two great peoples ! •* Magnificent idcah ! and well worthy of the genius of its overwhelm- ingly renoAvned progenitor !— who, en passant, may be induced to enter for a prize in one or other of these tournaments, and haying himself • trained for a few four-mile rowing matches,' he will have an excellent opportunity to show up his artistic skill with an oar, or a pair of sculls, as M. Berger with his cue to gaping crowds of awe-struck greenhorns {Anglice, muffs) ; and we shall thus see at rowing— as from the other ' at bilhards'— ' what we never yet beheld !' And as he will then have ('or think he has') 'two to one the best of it,' with the good fortune wfaion 18 invanaDiy tuo luuowur vi biviii auu jjiuvn, niiiii} i- Ktnw.Q tus Transatlantic cousins to skilfully toss an oar, he can with equal grace p 1+ 114 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, r*'i bestow a goodly pile of almighty dollars within his capacious breeches pockets. For, dear sir, although such a series of tournaments would undoubtedly be a splendid school for us degenerate sons of Britain's Isle, in enabling us to perfect ourselves in all the manly sports undet the immediate supervision of • Morton Price' — yet alas ! we must rest satisfied for the present with the glory of having contended with, and been well beaten by, men who cannot possibly be excelled by anyone any- where — 'out of England'^ — in any of the aforesaid sports. J'aijini. Nix cum arous. " There, dear Spirit, if you and your readers are not now * astonished at the power of my elbow,' I beg to assure yon all that I myself am perfectly exhausted by the immense draft the above efifusion has made at sight upon the previously diminished resources of my brain. (I shall have to take q sea voyage to recuperate.) •* It was managed, however, with strong coffee, and has the merit of being, with a few exceptions, quite original. But as I liad somehow, very unfortunately, mislaid my ' French anfl Spanish made easy,' and •Morton's last,' containing literally nothing worth stealing, I was obliged, from dire necessity, as from strong habit, to substitute a passage from Burns, and one line from an old song we used to ting at sea some- times, in 'spite of wind and waves.' ** I lucidly tumbled upon an antique copy of Burns, to my great joy, in the corner of the garret, while frantically endeavouring to repair my severe ' foreign loss' as above stated. One word for my Latin phrases, which I am happy to know this person has sufficient intelligence to understand. They were imported from Oxford direct, per mea propria, persona, expressly for Wilkes' Sphut of the Times, and were intended to be so simple and easy of translation, that ' he who runs' — or rows —'might read,' 'and the wayfaring man, though a fool (I should judge he was a sensible person") might not err therein.' «' The only excuse I can offer for appropriating more than half a column of the Spibit (one and a quarter columns appears to be his particular aversion), is the rush of ideas, ov^r which the hand has no control. And that reminds me that to obviate so terrible an evil this THROUGE THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 115 ill time, I must ' fetch up all standing,' ' take a severe tui-n,* ' clap on stoppers,' • nippe. well,' and ' hold on hard.' I will only say that I am reioiced th, 'is person finds my * counters' ' harmlesji/ which is entirely owing i^ being a trifle over six feet (and I will add, per- haps, to my future benefit, well proportioned), and that I have not as yet learned to ' hit low.' But' as he considers height a ' positive disadvantage,' he of course has no cause to fear. Yet I pray him to hold his hand a bit, as I find his smashers in the ribs to be, as he describes Sayers' hits, * simply terrific ! !' I wish to say • under the rose,' O Spirit ! that ' Morton's" morti- fying insinuation, that I am not an adept at French, is simply scandal- ous — a libel upon my character — as I not only did eat, drink, and sleep in Paris, once upon a time (and a time it was) for more than a week ! — Think of that ! — and even passed through Brussels, where — as Sir G. F. B. ('the Baronet') says of gentlemen from the United States of America — * they pitch it in considerable smart' — ^but more than all that (as if anyone would require more), I most undoubtedly resided— had.^a carte de residence, which was obliged to be had at that time there— at, Jahiti, subsequent to its military occupation by Le Grand Nation, where, you must know, the language of their conquerors is jabbered in aU its native purity by barefooted and breech-clouted ' Kanakas.' And in all these localities, as in many others in various parts of the globe — which I can swear is round, having encircled it twice (would you believe it ?) in the course of ten years' ramblings — I have verified the words of another, who in speaking of the Spanish (it is applicable to all languages) says: ' The Castilian tongue ma^. easily be acquired witnout a master;' but as far as my individual experience goes, no study is comparable to its acquisition with a tutoress, who, with the charms of bright eyes, rosy lips, and clear natal enunciation, renders the task not only &cile, but p)'"?'rable. Aurevoir! "Veritas." In the earlier part of my story I promised my readers a description of a marble store, they (the readers) possibly may think had I employed au artist to sketch one, and printed the same, as a frontispiece to my book, I might have saved myself a world of trouble. Not so, reader; no IB. 116 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, f , 1 1 Bketch or drawing would give any more idea of a marble store, than they would of a whte satin dress. It requires to stand out in grand relief against a thunder cloud or a cle( blue sky to be apprecia^.'^d in its ca;terior, to be taken piece-meal to be understood in its interior. I tl ink I have said before that outside show is the grand object with everybody in everything, in America. Hence the object of i-he marble store. The old-established firm of McMoney and Goldpin are doing, as they have done for many yearSj a fine business. " They can put down a million of dollars, without melting an almighty ounce — they can ! Yes> sir-r." They are content with an old-fashioned (?) built hard-upon-ten- years-ago, brick-biiLV. "juilding, with unpretending shop front and anti- quated paned windows. The new one of Giltspoon and Gohahed (they have made their money somehow, somewhere) suddenly appear upon the scene, apring up like mushrooms in a night, and simultaneously with their advertisements, which run in this wise : Messrs. GILTSPUR & GOHAHED, from Washington (or the Diggings, or elsewhere. — M. P.) beg to announce that they will open their NEW STORE, in BROADWAY, corner of 301st Street, with the finest Stock of JEWELLERY, ARTICLES of VIRTU, DIAMONDS, EMERALDS, PRECIOUS STONES, and ONIONS (or any other nonsense. — M. P.) in the World, on Monday, the 32nd of January (or any other uncertain period. — M. P.) Come and see ! Come and see ! ! Come and see ! ! ! . Come and see ! ! ! ! Come and see ! Come and see ! ! Come and see ! ! I Come and see ! ! ! ! Come and see I Come and see 1 ! Come and see ! ! ! Come and see ! ! ! ! Up sprngs (mushroom-like also) a gigantic edifice, marble externally, plate-glass windows, iron sashes, and nobby doors. " Guess that whips old McMoney and Goldpin's concern, anyhow !" says the crowd, and gaping, the crowd rushes to see the tempting display of the aforesaid jewellery, &c., in JTessrs. G. and G's. glittering windows. And " This won't suit !" ^ays Messrs. McMoney and Goldpin ; and thereupon, after a very short consultation with Messrs. Stone and Planner, the eminent builders, contractors, and so forth, and a cursory glance at the'r bank account, in six months after, up rises a similar THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 117 marble giant, a story higher than that of their opponents ; and, not content with having their window panes of plate-glass, the sashes and pillars must be silver-plated. This done, away go the crowd Jrom " Messrs. Giltspoon and Gohahed" to the new fabric of" McMoney and Goldpin ;" whereupon, a conversation ensues between the partners of the first-named firm, and they (if not quite bankrupt) " right away" proceed to either stick up an additional story (if their giugerbreal pile will, or they think it will, stand it), or put in a new and elaborate ihop- front, or insure the concern, and set fire to it, or come other stanling method of making the firm (shocking misnomer) of " Messrs. Giltspoon and Goahed" a more familiar household word than that of their opponents. And so on. My readers will perceive, from the time I have allotted for the getting up of those wonderful erections — viz., six months, that real solidity is not an item in the work; before I left New York, I had an opportunity of narrowly watching the start, progress, and finish of a marble store. Messrs. Stump and White having made a million or so of dollars in the lower part of the city, in (or about) a very unpretending little shop (not so large as my frien Bright's, at Leamington), determined on investing or sinking (as the case may ultimately prove) £40,000 I in a grand new marble store, in an improving site, on Broadway. I saw it commenced in January, and all but finished by the middle of June. It is five stories high, and composed entirely of brick and marble, iron, and glass — not a particle of wood being used. Under the road are cellars, in which is a huge steam- engine, buried alive, as it were : by the aid of which everything is manufactured (is that a bull?) on the premises, even to the implements used by the artificer in his work. Every floor is devoted to a separate description of labour, and presided over by a special inspector and director. The Amiericana are very proud of their marble stores, and I think justly so. lid A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, CHAPTER XIII. When the fight came ofT, and the result asccrtaiuod, no Englishman's bones were safe in any of the restaurants o: bars for many days, and / had more tlian one friendly warning to keep no appointment, and attend to no message, ubiess well armed, or in company. My pen-and-ink assailants were, of cour&«,, more bitter than before, and if Mr. D., of BelVa Life, knew the risks I ran, and the loss I sustained, in publicly upholding his conduct against American opinion, en masse, he would have long since made me a present of all the back numbers of BelVs Life, handsomely bound, at least. I found continuing the Hope Chapel Entertainments out of the ques- tion, and, as at this time I received an intimation from England, that my Theatrical Account had been accepted and approved, I turned my thoughts homeward. You will see, reader, by this, and Uie thinning of the unread leaves of my little volume, that our task of writing and reading draweth to a close. We kept our promise of paying Troy a visit, and were very successful, the Sayers and Heenan fever not raging there quite so hotly as in New York. Albany is a charming httle town, about five miles from Troy, and here, also, we did " good business ;" here, also, we saw something so well worth seeing, that T must ask you a question- Have you heard or read of " The Shakers ?" No ! Well, I will tell you all about them. They are a very queer lot, indeed. One Sunday morning— a very fine one— having on the previous night re- ceived all necessary instruction and information, ofi" we went in a" neat turn-out" (the carriages for hire are better in Albany than I ever saw else- where, either in England or in America), and after an agreeable drive of seven miles over a hilly road, but through a highly-cultivated country, with charming views, we found ourselves at the '* Shaker Village," which in itself, as an oddity, is worth seeing, being totally unlike any village 0y I '«1 TimOTIOH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 119 I ' mj in the world — at least, in my ken — and more resembling a largo fiurm- yard, without beasts, birds, or implements of agriculture, of any descrip- tion, barring a pump. On our arrival (we were ra'ther late), we dis- covered ourselves in the midst of at least a hundred vehicles of all sorts and sizes. The company had arrived, we were told, and were then in the place of worship, witnessing the ceremonies, or, as Lucille somewhat professionally termed it, " the performance !" A sort of harmonious howling reaching our ears at this moment, warned us that the curtain was up (I am afraid / said that .'), and in we wont. Now, reader, picture for yourself a large square white-washed room, one end of it occupied by a brilliant assemblage of ladies and gentle- men, dresrcd to death, seated on benches sloping from the floor almost to the ceiling. This was the audience. The performers consisted ^f some two hundre'' r-?,le3 and females — ^I believe, men and womfin-— but as unlike men aad women as possible. The men had their bail cut short in front, and hanging down their backs ; white cotton neckcloths, with long ends ; coats, with tails down to theh" heelR, and waistcoats of brown serge, with large flap pockets ; trousers of the samt material — loose in the seat, and tight in the leg, reaching half way down the calf — 'vhite cotton stockings, and enormous shoes. I never saw such shoes ! The ^''0Jae^ hadn't a vestige of hair to be seen, and wore skull caps or a s^ ecies of (what I believe is termed) " penny caul ;" white silk, or cambric handkerchiefs, pinned down fore and aft ; and skirts of the same material as the men's breeches, 1 cting tight over their well, their hips. The nearest approach to crinoline, I computed at a short yard in circumference. White stockings, and shoes, closely allied in shape and size to those of the males. Each female had a white pocket- handkerchief hung over the left arm, waiter-wise, of snowy whiteness, but as stiff as buckram. As we entered, the hymn, psalm, or symphony, was concluded, and being ushered to seats (ladies on one side, gentlemen on the other), in the dress circle, by a stout party in the same, " get up" as the others, there we sat for upwards of ten minutes, in total sileace, save now-and- then a slight giggle among the audience, or a loud nasal performance by some one afflicted with a cold in the joint assembly. They ^>ere all 120 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, employed — every mother's son and daughter of them were beating the devil's tattoo with their fingers on their knees! » They're doing the * daddy, mammy,' sir," whispered Stocks, who was sitting by my side. *' Wouldn't it be beautiful if our drummers in barricks was as quiet over it ?" I gave him a kick, as at this moment some one began a speech, not a piayer ; it appeared that prayers vsere over. It was nearly word for word as follows : " Brothers and sisters, I wish to say a few words before we disperse. Praise the Lord ! I've been six years, next fall, admitted into the bosom of the Shakers, and I can say I have never wished to depart from their ways, and I have fattened in the Lord." (" Which is the chap as is speaking ?" said Stocks. " Well, he is fat, surety !") " And I have never done no harm to any of my brothers and sisters. I may have trans- gressed in my ways afore I com'd among my brother Shakers, but nobody asked any questions, and nobody wanted any money." (" How jolly !" quoth Stocks). " What we get, we share." (Hear, hear ! from Stocks, loud enough to elicit an alarming scowl from the Usher). " And we live happy and comfortable one with the other ; and those who don't like, needn't jine us. We worship the Lord in our own way, and we keep ourselves to ourselves. If any of my brothers or sisters wish to address the meeting, let 'em do so. Praise the Lord! Amen." Several brothers and sisters "followed" in the same style — one awfully ugly female stating that ever since she had " jined the Shakers, no one had never interfered with her," which drew from Stocks an indig- nant, " I'd like to know who would." A little music followed, after which all the men rose and deliberately took off their coats, and hung them on pegs in the wall — Stocks excitedly insisting that they were going to " wrastle" They, however, proceeded to perform the queerest lot of manoeuvres I ever witnessed, singing all the time a sort of sailors' Yj iieave-hoand-np-she-comes chorus. Thev advanced in line, in polka time, then right-about-turned, formed ._ .L_ e n 4.i,A.i«Vit T wiusf. Viflvft roared — Lucille did. for I heard Vier)— Stood at '^ase and attention, and finally formed square, and were addressed by somebody in the centre; they then opened out into THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 121 quarter distance column, and sat down, when I'll be hanged if the womeu didn't, like a reserve battalion, go through the same religious exercises, were addressed by a female inspecting officer, and then the two armies joineu forces, and danced in couples all round the room, to an air very like " Dixies' Land," but not quite it. This ended the Entertainment, when, after t ae audience had been partly complimented and partly condemned, for their orderly or disorderly conduct (I told Lucille afterwards, she ought to be ashamed of herself), by the before- mentioned Usher, the whole assemblage broke up. Being iday, we could not see the arrangements of the Shakers' habitations, which, I was told, they are very proud of showing to visitors. The women live in separate houses to the men, and I believe there is no marrying — so I rion't know how they manage to keep up the Shaker stock. Perhaps, as Stocks suggested, " They steal the young 'uns !" They had large farms, and — so much for the Shakers. From Albany, we went to Philadelphia and Baltimore ; but as my reader must now consider my " Theatrical Trip" ended, we must be per- mitted to expect to be let off with a very short notice of these places — en passant, I may mention that they are first-rate theatrical towns. It was at Philadelphia that Jenny Lind caused such a sensation, when she appeared ten years ago at the Chestnut-street Theatre, that tickets were sold by auction, and the/irst " knock down" was 626 dollars /-—something like £125 ! An ancestor (I believe) of a friend of mine in the Artillery, founded tho state of Pennsylvania, of which Philadelphia ought to be the capiuil, but isn't — a much smaller town, called Harrisburg, some one hundred miles off, enjoying that distinction. Father Penn's ability in nomen- clature must have been very limited, as he christened all the streets as if they had been trees, so we find a Vine-street, Mulberry ditto, Chest- nut ditto, Walnut ditto, Pine, Cedar, and Spruce dittos ; and when used up in that line, he fell back upon Arithmetic. Thus : — First- street, Second ditto. Third ditto, up to any number. Every street in Philadelphia has a railway through it. Fact ! — a rail- way ! — that is, the omnibuses, though drawn by horses, run on rails, which makes riding or driving, to those who are not in said " busses," not only unpleasant, but dangerous, and utterly spoils the appearance, to English eyes, of what would otherwise be wide and handsome thoroughfares. til 1 1 I 122 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, CHAPTER XIV. BALTIMORE. Baltimore !— what shall I say of Baltimore ?— merely that our stay was so short, that we had only time to think we shouldn't like to end our days there. At Baltimore, however, I, for the fii-st time, had an opportunity of seeing slaves, slave -owners, and their plantations. What is my opinion of Slavery ? Always maintaining the opinion that no one should express an opinion on any matter, with which he is not thoroughly acquainted, my opinion on Slavedom cannot be worth having. The Yankee query-nuisance of "What do you think of our country?" is here changed for "What do you think of our slaves?"— and it is curious to note the anxiety depicted in the countenance of the querist. My answer was invariably to both, " I have not seen enough of it," or " them." This reply, one evening (the first on our arrival), drew from a tall, intelligent-looking person, whom I, by chance, had entered into conversation with at the bar of the hotel, the following polite and pithy invitation : " You are a Britisher— an Englishman, T reckon— least- ways, you don't talk like a Frenchman. Nov\,just you go and take your name off old H 's book, and fetch away that darned handsome gal I saw a hanging on to you, and come right slick away to my dig- gings — I guess we'll just fix your 'pinions about slaves pretty con- siderable, darned unalterable — yes, sir-r." This (the first invitation to any man's house 1 had received in America), I at once accepted for myself, Lucille agreeing to stay, and do the dutiful, with her mother. A delightful drive of ten miles brought us to the plantation, and for the pleasant hours I spent thereat, I here tender my thanks to my kind host, who, should he ever read this book, will, I trust, pardon my having chrouicled uis little peculiarity of speech, and only see in my narrative a grateful reminiscence. Much as I had heard of plantf - hospitality, all fell far short of what I experienced at the hands of ]\ ■■: W and bis pretty wife. Their house a model of neatness, and superbly furnished — reminded me of THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 123 an East Indian bungalow, having only one story, and all the principal sitting and bed-rooms being on the ground floor. The servants— all slaves — were domiciled, with the exception of the nurse and W's. own body servant, in out-houses some fifty yards from the dweUing, and when wanted, were summoned by ringing a hiiud-bell. Now, I'm not going to abuse my kind host's hospitality, by giving to My world of readers an account of how and when we breakfasted, or off what we dined, or whetL er the plate xvas plate, or only plated ; whether the customs ot the house were entirely " up to" an Englishman's ideas of comfort, or certain peculiarities, altogether pleasing to me. SufiBce it to say, that I never lodged and boarded with a happier family, or one who strove more to minister to the amusement of their lodger and boarder. Of course, Mr. W and I had arguments on and concerning Slavery, as I suppose there's not an Eng''8hman ou< that wouldn't have his say upon the subject ; but I invariably, even in my own opinion, got the worst of the bout, and am bound to confess that there is no class of servants in my ken, who do so little for their wages, as slaves. They are the fattest, laziest, and " cheekiest" of mortals. Not one of them, un- less compelled — which compulsion the simple fact of being a slave alone accomplishes — would ever stir a finger in labour. Nature has been so bountiful to the land they live in, that its fertility oifers in itself a premium to indolence. The Northerners may say as they please of, but, in fact, they do, in the matter of Slavery, all in their power to keep it up, and that, too, in its worst shape, for they it is who trap the wretched creatures upon foreign shores, who fit out those floating hells, and, when escaping pepper from our cruisers, run their filthy half-carrion cargo into some slave port — thereby, if not compelling, at all events encouraging, the slave-owner to increase and multiply his slave stock, by these disgusting means. My friend W. concluding one of our arguments, said, " There is scarcely a slave-owner in the country but would rather be without imported slaves. I wouldn't give one of our own Virginny-raised Isiggcfs lOr a dozen sieu verniin ; It is this importation of blacks that keeps ap the race of slaves — with- out it, Slavery would abolish itself. There are thousands of slaves now ''411 tM A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A -WAGER, in whose veins there is hardly a stain of black-blood, and the whiter a slave becomes, the more he knows and feels Knowledge and feeling are direct antidotes to Slavery. Ergo, the larger the increase of slaves, without the aid of the hateful slave trade, the sooner will Slavery be swept to the winds, and the slave advocate to the ocean. There's a speech for you 1 Well, we must leave Baltimore and the blackies now, and hurry homewards. I picked up Lucille (who, all the time I was away, laboured under a conviction that I should be kidnapped as a white Nigger, and sent to "pick cotton in de field"), and without halt or hindrance, returned to New York. I have hurried my narrative here, as it scarcely can be looked upon as a portion of my legitimate " Trip," and it is moreover my intention, at some no very distant date, to re-visit the Southern States, having seen sufficient promise of a most interesting and amusing tour : and should such intention be carried out, I may possibly again rush into print, and give my readers a longer Chapter on my " opinions" of Baltimore. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 125 CHAPTER XV. 1*1 Although Parodi and Piccolomini had taken wing, there were a vast number of Italian, German, and American feminine stars in the New York operatic firmament about this time, comprising such names as Cortesi, Colson, Gazzaniga, Strakosch (and her sister, Adelina Patti) — • Fabri (who came with an immense flourish of trumpets from the Brazils, or somewhere), &c. The first-named is a fine actress, and, (though like all of them, worn to death in voice), would, I think, take a high position anywhere, having a consummate command of good and bad notes ; Patti is very youug — I am told, not seventeen ; but the labour of " getting-up" in a score of operas, and singing them nightly for months at a spell, has worn herself and her voice to threads. The adulation of the Americans, who claim her for their own though I believe she was born and bred in Europe, was immense, and suppose even Piccolomini scarcely outdid her in newspaper puff and Platonic presents. Speaking of presents, I cannot hero help mentioning a little incident. ■ We were one spare night listening to Patti, in Martha, and drawing ''■ odorous" comparisons, of course, when my attention was drawn by Lucille to a party of young men who were intently gazing at our box, and on finding that I noticed them, made unmistakeable signs of wishing me to come to them. It was such a common occurrence at this time for tw to be stared at, that at first I set down the present instance to nothing more than a little more than ordinary rudeness, and took no further notice until the fall of the curtain upon the second act. One of the gentlemen alluded to then stood up, and elevated a bouquet of consider- able dimensions towards Lucille, which, of course, drew the all now unoc- cupied eyes of the audience upon us, and, considerably annoyed, I beckoned the gardener to come to the box, which he Fpeedily did, ac- companied by some five or six others. He introduced himself and hia friends as Southerners, and we soon recognised in them an enthusiastic 126 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, party that had almost nightly attended oixr Entertainments at the Hope Chapel. He, in a very gentlemanly manner, proffered the before-men- tioned bouquet to Lucille, complimented us, and, of course, especially her, on the great pleasure they had received, et cetera, et cetera ; and after receiving a half-promise from us to visit New Orleans before we left America, bowed himself and his party off. When we had sufficiently recovered from the shock of this unex- pected compliment, we examined the gift, and found it composed of rare exotic flowers, arranged with taste in a holder of gold and mosaic-work, studded with pearls and turquoises, and., what amused us more than all (how about your curiosity, reader?) carefully enveloped in silver paper, a small d'oyley of white satin, on which was printed the following lines : Lucille, where art thou ? why hush'd is thy song ? Thou " Last Rose of Summer," what are you Ahout, that without you, you keep us so long ? Why do not the managers " star" you ? Are we right in our fears, will for ever our ears With Parodi, " Pic," Patti, Cortesi Be bored ? when there's one, who can give them a " stun,'' " Take their track'"* from, and then beat them easy. Let little " Pic" squeal, and Paroc'i loud peal Forth their notes, which some say are divine ; ; We care not for " Fatty," and as for poor Patti From her you've quite taken the shine. » Then come to the South, and your own pretty mouth Shall ne'er ope, but with rapture we'll hear you. We pray you come forth from this cold shallow North, And to sunny Orleans we will bear you. Accept this sweet token, we bring you heart-brok'-n, The gift itseK's scarce worth your thank'eto. And when it's grown older, then stick to the holder, As we will to you, tl' ugh we're Yankees ! Were it not for the intrinsic value of the gift, I nhowU have felt bound to have looked upon this precious morcer: as a would-be-witty satire ; as it was, however, we agreed that the compliment, though * A Yankee term, signifying Ooing a-head. THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 127 coming in " such questionable shape," was a compliment, and, as such, my inserting the same in tbis history^ proveth we, to this day, consider it. The flowers are long since faded and gone ; the holder stands before me as I write, under a glass shade, and the verses are immortalised ! We gave three nights' Entertainments at Brooklyn — a sort of over the-water suburbs of New York — and these were our farewell efforts to give amusement to, and extract dollars from, our American patrons. I was tired, in fact, of my " Trip" — the amount of unac- customed anxiety and perpetual " something to do" attendant thereon, had sickened me for the time of acting, and I pined for steaks and bottled stout ; besides, my clothes were worn out, and Lucille said, " She was all to pieces !" Diess, I may remark, is in New York a most expensive luxury. An ordinary suit of broadcloth can scarcely be got under 70 dels., fourteen pounds English ; and a mild Lady's bonnet is cheap at 20 dels. Talking of bonnets, reminds me of a little instance I must give you of lady-politeness that occurred one day. Heaven knows whether it should be taken as a general sample or not — I don't. LucUle had rather a nobby little hat — an importation from home. Hats were then unknown on Broadway as a portion of a lady's apparel, and great was the consternation this same Lilliputian Golgotha created. The men seemed rather j like it, but the women said, " They wouldn't wear such a fixing atop of their head — they wouldn't !" Well, as before said, •' one day" Lucille and myself were doing a promenade (a thing we seldom did do) during the fashionable hour, down the fashionable side of Broadway. Suddenly I heard a small scream, and felt L's. arm withdrawn from mine, and looking round, I saw her standing by herself, looking wildly about, bare-headed, and her long hair streaming in profusion down her back ; a second look, showed me a lady gorgeously dressed, endeavouring to shake off the afore-men- tioned " pork pie," which by some means had been hitched on to, and been whisked away, by the lady's parasol. Down it fell on to the saliva- stiiined pavement, and poking it trswardp. I^iicille with the point of her parasol, she said, " I guess its yours, marm, and it has spiled my friuge — it has !" And, without further word, walked away. If A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, Before I could recover my ^stoni8hed wits, a Gentleman picked up the inoffensive, yet maltreated millinery, and carefully wiping it with his handkerchief, restored it to Lucille, saying, " I blush for my countrvwoman's manners." I I < o, O tr' c-f o !^ r3-' .T 3 __^ (— ' b- ?-^ 0) p- CD ^:' a^ ? ?p -i o s; ■-1 < c* :3-' !" o ' 3~ ?^ 00 l3- rD o — - b ^ D o b;^', O cF' '— > ;^ rr" »-- ?^ 5 ft ;.ct>) o P-i .-5-' fe'' 1 < 5) ' rc ~^ rn <- o 3-* ^^ O -7^ ^ <", ;i ^ c~^ T 3 CD l-J 1 l9 \i THROUGH THE UNITED STATES Al^D CANADA. 129 CHAPTER XVI. It was now the middle of June, fi,ni my arrangements were completed for returning to England, all but the vessel. What ship should we go by ? By one of the Cunar^l.. —one of the same sort as that which had brought us out so calmly and comfortf.bly, or some other ? The Cunarder, of course. Good ! Fate, however, ordained it otherwise. I had given a promise that I would lend a passage to a fellow-mortal who had gone to America to make his fortune, but hadn't, and who now was rampant to getbackagain; our party was hence a large and expensive one — including the dog, six in all. A careful analysis of the different rates and fares, as charged by the different companies, showed me a tempting difference in favour of the Liverpool, New York, and Philadelphia Line, which consists entirely of Screw steamers, and though I had a strong dislike to screws of all kinds, I determined on " doing the cheap" for once, and one fine morning found me in the oflBce of the Liverpool, New York, and Philadelphia Screw Steamship Company's office, taking tickets for self and party, for our homeward voyage from New York to Liverpool. I should have little more now to say but for an incident occurring at this very time of ticket-taking, which, though not of a very starthng nature, were it narrated in a novel, pre-written in the writer's brain, I think my readers will allow to be singular enough to merit a page or or so, in this most veracious history. I was standing on the steps of the steam-packet agent's office, on Broadway, in the act of carefully stowing away my tickets in a pocket- book, when a lady and gentlemen ascended them, and, pre-occupied with home thoughts engendered by the occupation, I stood, unconsciously, in their way. A polite •• If you please," from the gertleman, made me look up, and so remarkable was the lady's start, as I bowed my apology, that she tripped over her dress, and I nearly stumbled down the steps. Why tripped the lady ? Wherefore stumbled I ? Just four years ago — Good gracious ! Well I am going to tell you a story, and novelists are always allowed to " conduct their reader" (&c., B 180 A THEATRICAL TRIP FOR A WAGER, j: &c.,) to aiitecedcaits to explain the plot and i)iih of their story— 1 only claim the same allowance:— Just four years ago, having received a liasty summons home from my fishing quarters in ITux v\'ay, I took steamer from 3 to London, and not being a particular good sailor, for my own comfort, and at a slight extra expense, I enguged, by letter, a cabin to myself. I did not reach S until the evening previously to sailing, and was somewhat surpri3ed,'on my arrival at the hotel, at learning *^at " a person from the ship had called several times to see ine, -,nd would be there again shortly." He came, and proved to be th- -lurser of the steamer in which I intended sailing. He acquainted t hat all the principal cabins were chock-full, and that a young gentk an had come on board and was in a great way because he couldn't have a private cabin, and refused to go in the public berths. Would I allow him to share mine, as there were two berths in it ? This was a nuisance ; but after inquiring whether the lad couldn't be exchanged for a lady, or some other equally facetious remark, T learned that he was a youth of about fourteen, well-dressed, with a good port- manteau, and a patch over one eye ; and I gave a reluctant consent that the young gentleman might occupy my apartment that night and every other such, until we arrived at our destination. I did not go on board until the following morning, and the vessel sailing half-au-hour afterwards, being unencumbered with luggage, save a parcel of fishing rods, basket, and knapsack, I did not go to my cabin until late in the afternoon, when, failing to discover my " compagnon du voyage," I thither proceeded, intending to see what he was like. I found the door locked. Upon my giving a smart rap on the panel, a very frightened, youthful voice, exclaimed, " Vv'ho's that? What is it ?'' I answered, " Be kind enough to open the door, young gentleman, that the part-proprietor of this establishment may enter." Whereupon, and during which, there was a sound of considerable siniflfling of something into something, and shutting-up and locking of the same. The bolt was so softly withdrawn that I was not aware for some seconds that 1 was free to enter. I at length did so, and discovered Nothing ! He, the mysterious youth, had ''turned in," and the curtails of his berth were already drawn. «' Hilloa !" I said, " is anybody ill ?" THROUGH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 181 ike " Got a bad cold and head-ache, sir," responded a voice, toiaxly that I had first heard. «' Oh. never mind my boy," I said ; " I won't disturb you." To which the invisible youth replied, " Thank you, sir." And after arranging my few traps. I returneu on deck, and thought no more of the matter until dinner-hour arrived, when I expected to see my double-voiced frxend. but-didn't. I inquired of the steward if any dinner had been sent to No. 4, and he replied ii he negative. Having finished my o vi, 1 again went below ; this time the door was unlocked, out the curtains were as " hermetically sealed" as before. I asked, "Ain't you going to take any dinner?", and got for a reply, in the same foggy voice, "Can't you let a fellow alone ?-d n't want anything!" After this, of course, inquiry was rude ; so, as there was a slight sea on, and I am always squeamish the first few hours {squeamish, mind !- not sick-oh, no !) I, after taking a few turns on deck, and inquirmg « how her head was !" and remarking, with a T.P.C hitch of my trousers, that it " looked dirty to wind'ard," tumbled below, and " turned in '-- i e . undressed myself, and got into my crib, which was not, as is mostly the case, above or below my companions, but opposite, and in such close proximity, that 1 might, had I been on a sufficiently friendly /oo you can scarcely expect it under the present circumstances. Well, to one and all, on Friday night, the twenty-ninth of June, I lade a kind Farewell ! and the following morning found self and party on board the Liverpool, New York, and Philadelphia screw steam-ship, " City of Washington," wherein, and on, I closed my note-book, from which these pages are compiled on Thursday, the twelfth of July — on the evening of which day we were safely deposited, and taken in and done for, at the " George Hotel," Dale-street, Liverpool — and That's all ! fiNia. London : J. W. Thomas, Printer, Tavistock Street, Covent Garden. W.C. French to-part- in put a long ep, the washed is con- dulled, lora he s ! not feelings tt be a Tinning [escribe itances. June, I d party m-ship, k, from July— I in and ad W.C. I