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'><•
MI
. ■"'•"■"/jH. ir..^'^'^-^-^--- ^^■"*"-
•i
MEMOIR
OF
MRS. ELIZA ANN CHIPMAN,
WIFE OF
THE REV. WILLIAM CHIPMAIf ,
OF PLEASANT VALLEY,
CORNWALLIS.
Sold by John Chaae, WolfviUe— price 3s.
>.
^n
r
BALIFA2:
A. J. RITCraB, Pbiktw.
1866.
PREFACE.
e^P^n™", Zt^ttZ y^'^l \*r5 ^^' ''f" -^
would be pKfitabb Tw ' st ^i . ^5' '"''^ *« I^™*" »' i«
^Z^^ -- et- - --,
ia oompliance with that desire tk» rn„™«i ■ . ,
■ h« been riightly abridged T u ^^ " ""'^ l'*''^^- »
whieh contained repIS ^ t, T""\ "' ' ^'^ '«='8«»
de^ription, of feeli^"j' *<'"«'''» /'««dy '^oorded, or
retained, that it ^ufSJZ^U t^TT'"' ^'^ "'
to bring the book miian.o6cZ^^^'' "^ *""■ " "^
numeroasfri^d,,a:d"Sl'^Xr;^t,"°"'"»'^ "> "-
CoRNWALLis, January, 1855.
h^
^^
85302.
V
#
i
^rv -
M £ M O I Ry
CHAPTER I.
HER EARLY LIFE, TILL HER MARRIAGE.
of n^"^ ji^^ Chipman was a daughter of HomeB Chipman. Esq
of Oornwalhs, one of the deacons of the first Baptist Chuichiil
that Township She waa born July 3, 1807. While yet a child
l/n'M'«"^J''* °^'"™"« impressions, chiefly p^duced by
reading the Scriptures. The Lord blessed that exercise • coSvi^
tions were deepened and issued in conversion. Fdth i^ the X
tir^Ah'^.t^^^"^ ^ ?^«^«^ ^ His commands. She Zut
M^lk^l ^\M^^.«^°g on the 6th of June, 1824, «S
Stfvi 1 r^ T^''}^ r«' ^ ^^'^ h«r parents and other
relatives already belonged. On the 24th of May, 1827, she was
IJsTSfu^Sif'SorYS^ ^^P"^-' -- ^-^' of 'the sJ Ai;!
commenced July 20, 1823. •'oumai, wiuch wu
JOURNAL.
«„;^il^?' 1^23.-This little book was made yesterday, for the
SK! f P*"°?"« ^0^ ^ few of the exercises of inTZd. BnJ
?^ofc« tC*w^ T"" ?f "'y 0^ ^«^^^« and iTfficienoy
«^Tl,Ll^ Lord IS able to bless the weakest means foTIi
cCen If iT- ^^ ' ^ \' ^^ ^^'^^^ *^^* I «^°» one of S
cftosen. If I am, why am I thus? why this dull and lifeW
frame? I cannot relinquish the idea that thrOod oral! !S^
™« 5: I i* ) , *^^^S^ ^^'«^ belong to my eternal neace O
vJ ^o t-^v ? ^•'"*' T H* ^^^ ^* mounded in my ears, "Be
S^th ' lllZ '" «"*'\^,^our as ye think not the^Son if mw
^^mt . ?* *'^ ^«®^« ^fore his death the Lord was i)le3
tl^2 Tn"!!?^ ^ «¥* ««^««««. «t ^tich time iZm te^
^Sld Atf^J^r "" \,'«^ ««'«» *« ^.: if '^^'' ^""'^ "y ^^^^ Mi^^ster, (Mr. Maining TsneS
of the comfort persons might enjoy if they would pen down ?he
fttCurf'^r^''^^^ .""^ *^°^ t^«/*l^«» feltX strivings
of the Holy Spirit ; they might look ba^k with joy therS)n ~
Darren land. O for a greater sense of the deceitfulnesa of tb?«
world, and more entire reconciliation to the DTvine wT a mor«
sure reliance on the Fountain of all wisdom. L^rd Je us enabS
J^rSi^'^afe* "IV^ "^^ ^"^ ^' ^PF^rs now to be
SW ^ ^"9 J" ^^'""S cough succe£ occasionally
Jiuch flatters me Wiethe idea that timt is short. laEuoS
forward with joy to the hour thrt shaU fi^e mfymmtd^ot
ft.
%
^
lecks of conacience^
us crimes, yet my
ime punishment. —
lUed my attention
my awful state by
unary enjoyments,
»spel to save rebel-
i of my heart, that
th
)nce crucified bu6
w ground of this
ssing through the
happy in hfe, in
gns. 0, the hap-
iger to, it is yet a
reflect.
d. I have let it
word in this little
it, and I have
I down here some
course of my life.
Quch more to the
may fall into ?— r
Manning,) speak
d pen down the
felt the strivings
I joy thereon. —
fgestions of that
3g lion, seeking
ith the privilege
iferlasting truths
oaent against me
that they ever
ft consideration !
this ensnaring,
tfulness of this
e will, a more
d Jesus, enable
? eternity,
^ars now to be
s occasionally,
I almost look
m this body of
am and death. Willingly would I take a final fareweU of my
nearest and dearest relatives, and resign aU earthly objects to
awake with Jesut, and be forever with him. But stop, my inex-
perienced pen ;-is Jesus mine, and am I his ? I have never as
yet felt satisfied with my convictions ;— they have not been so pun-
gent as I should wish for ; but I humbly hope the Lord will reveal
himself to me as he does not to the unbelieving world. Jeho-
vah, enable me to wait patiently for thy salvation.
.4w^s/ 10.— Have been permitted to visit God's holy courts
this day, and have heard two sermons delivered ; one by Mr. Elder
from those words, " I am debtor both to the Greeks and to thi
Uarbarians, to the wise and to the unwise." In the afternoon a
colored man preached, from these words, " For we know that if
our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a
building ot God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the hea-
vens. 1 think I can say it was good for tae to be there ; many
things were said for my encouragement ; but this hard and ad^
mantine heart of mine seemed sometimes almost incapable of feel-
ing the influence of the truth. Oh ! dear Jesus, if it was not for
the consoling words of life left on recoi-d for men to build their
hopes of heaven upon, where should we seek for comfort and con-
sedation? Yes, they have great consolation that have fled for
refuge to lay hdd of eternal life. And am I willing to turn my
back on the world and to shew myself on the Lord^s side,— to take
up my cross, and follow the meek and lowly Jesus through evil as
well as good report? If I know any thingVmy owTSf^ ( f1
am deceived Lord, shew me the deception), it h the wish thereof
to be devoted to his cause. I do feel thankfcl to the God of aU
vS ?!?; \^'^ '"^ the morning of my life, in the vigour of my
youth, (though lamentable that it ^ j not at an earher period^
opened my eyes in some degree to see the beauty and loveliness
there IS in rehgion, and to h^te sin and every appearance of evil.
But I fear the delusive charms of this fallaciou^ world have too
much the governing power over my mind. ,^r^
rJj^^'^^^T^A^K-}''^^'^^^ *^^* «^tter fortnight has
fcaTK^i''^'S°l*^r i?^^' ^^« W «^r«« and^affairaof
ha/r n^Jn TTu'^ ""'^^ f ''* "^^ ^ *^^* degree, awful to say.
that I often lose the remembrance of serious reflections, and forgS
pUcethat knows me now, wiU know me no more. DeatLan4 *
I^TiJf"*- a^f^Jy^great and mysterious, and important sulecS
for meditation. Jehovah, let them be engraven^n my meZ^,
^mTy tC Z^ ^T' "^''-^ "^^ ^^^'^^-^^ ^ iference^
«iermty, — ^tnat momentous period.
I: ,
i!
'I'
8
P«fe»tob.»Ser«''f'tLe terS '^^'A ^« "«'
fwsor, and I fear not a possessor va^ T ♦k^' i t **'^S*' "''' ** P'^O"
Hnes have fallen to me in nleasZ'nri ^'f^ ''*" ^^^ ^^at the
heritage, with the hoi of no*- P^*''*''^*"^ *^** I have acoodlv
indeed a knd that Ceth whKlt *^J' ^^ ^^ ^^f'^'"*:^- ^^Z
heart of mine seldomTrncv^r^^^^^^ 4 'r „
"th to day f I am
easona, and do not
Though not a pro-
I can say that the
hat I have a goodly
I of liberty. It is
By, but this rocky
hings as it ought,
applied to my own
and their God my
abundantly my
ike such a wise and
pie, and their God
ik of the good that
f my own heart, I
"ties, sinks in my
lelightful. When,
)d's countenance ?
rise in my soul ?
Qoveonesinthere-
) effect the great
come with all my
thai precious
ief! WiUJesus
to my wounded
'ousin arrived at
hat was m j great
3emed about her
ntastic visions of
the tenor of her
J, yet she must
St change, which
surrounded with
lem in idle con-
Jay, " All is not
ow necessary it
Qowing that we
many wafnings
e has happened
u* distant from
na and surprise,
irowned; what
9
were his motives when going into the bout, wo know not; but per-
haps Pro^ndence had so ordered it, that ho should leave this world
in such a distressing manner. That once animating and promising
young man is now reduced to a cold lump of cluy, and consigned
to thenarv>w house of the grave. glorious Redeemer, let this
heavy news that has reached his parents' ears, shew them the un-
certainty of all sublunary enjoyments, and may they be enabled
to cleave unto thee with full purpose of heart, and endeavor after
more and new obedience. Let it awaken the surviving brothers
and. sister to a sense of their alienation from God; and mav
they realize what an awful thing it is to die without an interest iJ
the crucified Redeemer ; that they may remember their Creator in
they shall have no pleasure in them. I leave them^ Dear Jesus,
in the arms (I would fain hope) of thy mercy. let them not
give sleep to their eyes till they have found comfort under the
shadow ot thy wings !
Sepiember 20.-StihUth day. This blessed and most holy of
Slf ♦?^^''l?u"'?''^'.^"? ^ ^™ y^^ ^P'^re^ to see the light
thereof; though the Sunin the firmament does not shine with his
powerful and benignant rays upon the earth, yet I trust the Son
ot righteousness does arise with healing beneath his wines in
many souls this day Though deprived of hearing the G\,spS
from the treasures of thy most holy word, that the Lord is good
and gracious, that I may drink of those living streams which are
never ceasing to flow. God. impress upon my mind more senT
,!Ln wu"""?? 'T ^''H "^y ^"'^^ ^^^t ^"^ enter an unknown
region. Why why am I so thoughtless and unconcerned about
my eternal welfare ? What ; for a few moments' pleasure, shS
I be willing to sacrifice all real happiness in this life, and in a
greater degree augmented through the long annals of eternity -^
how depraved is this heart of mine,-prone to evil as the sparks
aSlteZ '^~\'^ ^* *^ everything that is good; Oh where
snail 1 fly tor refuge 7 Jesus, are thine arms stretched out all day
long to a gainsaying and rebellious people 1 will they not listen to
thy charming voice 7 no, they say by their life and practice, they
wiU not have this man Christ Jesus to reign over them. ye
S^? f?!-^"'"'^ "?°'^^'' ^"^ y« "^* «o°>e ^d partake of tje
teaat of fat things, ot wme on the lees well refined? Solid peace,
joy, and comfort, you never will have unlegs you enlist under thd
banner of King /esus, and find his banner over you to be loy«.
well, perha^ I am m the same lamentable situation.
January SO, 1824.~My pen has long lain inactiye, whioli «t
*«ne8hM caused me many heartrwndiij feelings ; tobewiw-
#
10
mersed with the concerns of Ufi. •
jojments ; but this is not a 1 1 * ^''®*' ^^ndnmce to private *„
?°'«d is rightlj exercised ever7.r"'''-,^'*"«« ^henTpJ^'o?;
jrnportant concerns oUi^JZ^^^^ ^ - /ubjectio'nToTh
wnat X have been about for th^.^f '' r ™"s* cal in question
hrough. I would however ohi ^""J^^^tJ^^ as well as al?m v S
»ng solong a time, I S safe In J'" •'^'' .^^ *^« omission oTwrf
passed through ^at ±5^^^^^^^^^ during that t me? I
Such was the distress of mv mInZw t^,^ ^ ^^"nd conversion
clearlj, and I feared a? tKme ;;1 *i ^°'^ "«' ^^*t to write
had been such as thej should brnri?^-*^'* "^^ convictions never
^ition to thislfelt a heavv W/ .?r'^!°^ conversion; and in Id
head knowing that I SiX J ^'^> ^^"*^ hanging over mv"
«pon the rock of ages; he"ut f « """^ «^»%claj, and set them
praise to our God. Thoui I L . '°"« *"*^ ^^ "^outh even
mentm which the Lord7i«ed\T"n, 'T'"^'^ the identical mo!
can say, that whereas I Conc/ki ^ '^'^ T^^ ^e, "live," 1^1
turned to her^allowTngin^ie'^rr'T *^^1 ^«« ^asheVand te!
elements of this insidious world 7 l^'?7-'i "g^^'« to the beggarfy
left to my own fleshly lust! » I «?^ ^''^^^. *^^t I should e^r bl
adduce whatever in a rel5ouslTsT/rr'.'^^\^ -^e any
does not deceive me, the foundation T„L • ^J treacherous heart
their hopes of heaven uporanneZ n '" ^^°" ^°^ "'O" to build
fi^an(f permanent; but th^sf X • '"^- '°^^'^^*«^ view mJre
hebroughtlow; this^daman Le heEt o7^^^"*^T ^^ ^^"o mus?
My fx^l 4 ha. bLl%Xatd" o'^Te^l^e"^^^^^^^ -^^
for thou hast said in thy word " W.T ^^i'^^"^ ^^ pmyerful
ce to private 6n-
when a person's
subjection to the
call in question
11 as all my life
nission of writ-
ig that time, I
id conversion.
what to write
ivictions never
Q; and in ad-
gjng over my
g punishment.
's name, my
He brought
ind set them
mouth, even
identical mo-
."live,"yetl
appy seasons
ce of divine
as in posses-
id that sweet
irist become
mj soul the
bed and re-
he beggarly
)uld ever be
made any
rous heart
en to build
view more
aiiae must
so inflated
*e simple,
'e a child,
't, by the
render to
ly rebel ?
Ij deter-
rayerful,
ye enter
D) but in
de every
UQ witb
11
patience the race set before me, looking unto Jesus who is th»
author and finisher of my faithj-who, ^r the joy that wi' ^et
before him, endured the cross, despising the shamef and is no^ se
in ^Zlk A ^^- } ^"^ "S^^^ «P*»'^<^ to behold a day
m which thousands no doubt are favored with the privilege of
a^sembhng themselves together for the express purpose Sf wSp
C^? i:.?/'^ ^estimable favor I am depHved of this daV
But ought I to complain? scarce a sermon has been preached bv
held '"riU" '-^^r^^^P'.^V P^^^ ^'°*-' ^"* ^tari hat^
Heard. 0! I hope and trust it has proved a savor of life unto
my soul, many times. Still I have to lament that I have mpro^d
so little by them. God of all mercy and goodness, blplX^ to
ook upon the faceof thine anointed, and through him! £d for Ws
sake, draw benignly near, and may I, my Father hive sweS?
communion with thee, the King of King \d Lord of Wds
Mo^t ri' '"'' 'f^V^H' ' "^^y I ^»^« ^^'^ to look Cn
Mount Calvary and behold the Saviour of sinners, bleeding, gro^.
ing and dying forme, and that it is alone by his sf S I
?amiW h.«^''? i ''T'"^ ^" ^^^'^^"^^ «f aiption Z the
tamily of heaven? Yes, I am constrained to say that God has
given me a new heart and that I have reason to hope by w2
word and Spirit, that he has redeemed my precious anfimmortol
Iw '"" r^g down to the pit of endless woe and misSy Q
what cause have I ever to adore that grace which stoppedme iu
ZLfr^TV^ ^^^' "^^ ^^1^°"^^ to all the privileges of the
sons of God Never, never, may I be left to wound the c^use I
have espoused: for surely no where else can such cLolati^M be
S' To *;-J7.-d comfort; it is a peace thatTa^Skl^
with Phlf ? ?''' ""^ Slory, an heir of God, and joint heir
il/arcA 26 -Am yet the spared monument of God's savins
smal7J/^V t'"'*."^ S^^*^*'^^^ ^"gl^t I to have ! But in ho|
L^rihf5''' • ° V"^*^'^' *^" *"^"te of thankfulness for thebnuT
merable mercies I am made the happy partaker of whUe C«
the Saviour of Sinners has declared,%CTn 4 ^S fce
Romany mansions; if it were not so, I woild have told you I
CYaTo^P'^^'-^^'^r' ^'^difigoandprepIeapCibJ ^
Tye ly ra1^"Hl"''T ^Z '^"^^ "'^^^ that^^here I ^
m ye may DO also. How can I, under such a solemn conaider-
SfThnTrti*'*' AmlnotloBtinwondri^rS
K m^t S.f S^^'^'ft'.^^'^' ^^«^ ChrkthiSon
whom T^!*^* ' has given his hfe a ransom for many, amone
whom I trust, through boundl«« mercy, (o «( down in Ll^
■**,
i
12
whatlSal S*o?SZ°tl,T«' "!' *» '»~ »" »«»_
the .a^. ..^iZf f& AJTA t^l^i^SS
clod
mj
I of sin and corruption'? but T will n.fXf • *^'*°'. *^'' <''™^«>»»
. Lord's time; that Icon A!" ^^*>i"»Pafent in waiting
summons whene;er it stu rme tTnfTK'V^'"''''^'^''''^^
the Son of man cometh a^ TtLf In tl '^l? T"""'"' ' ^O'
I always watch unto praver hHiZ f'^^*' *^®'®*"o'e ^^J
truth. P'^^-5'®'' ^^v^°g my loms girt about with
InhfZrLfssll tliS'' 1?7'''?J" T'^ «« ^«ount of my
iv*om shall I Ck for ai S! *^* } ^"^ ^""'^^^ > but^o
Dare I look up to the Zvln nPL"'^^T'^ ^" this trying hour?
viour ready and wi hnftohpln ^"'''l'' ^ '^^"^"^ t^^^re find a Sa-
upon sin with the last allowance bu^^jilr* !'"'°^ *° ^°°^^
abhorrence. ' ^^ ^"'^ the most consummate
though^ words, anSactCrGljJbeTT"^*'"^' '■"» "y
IS a fountain opened for all Bin«.,^S '"y ''°'y n™*. Aere
O God, ^d trj my reL, and :;erthCZ-, .^T''."'^ ''^«.
pnre mind and will niirm .nj,i^ ^ .™* '">*«■« ve to thv
made holy in air^S^ltrtLran^^^ ^>r *'^' ^ -^/^^
numberless blessings to be thanS f« ^'^^^'^dl'^ess. I fiave
never left thyself 4hout a w tnet I thinV^^"' •^'^°"*^' ^««<^
bottom of my heart, « Bless the LoVrl n ^ ^ ^'^ ^^5^ from the
within me bless his holy name '' wt\ ""^ '°''^' ^°^ ^" t^^t is
to take up my cross anJ ^olSw the meek af/^ Tr^ ^^^''^ "'^^
evil as well as good report SurX *^! ° ^°T^^ ^®«"S' through
religion of Jesfs, tha? iVbe ^hlt'd Twl^ ^'^ *^^ "^^^
immortal souls of their undone conditZ i5^ I^'"" '* '°°^^'««e8
heir own righteousness as filthy r^^heval^^^ V'TI "P'^^
Bweet workings of the Soirif tn%n-l!f !k u7 f*^® enabled by the
atoned for their sins and the ri.b? *''" ^^°^ °^ ^^««t that has
out and madeover tothpm f f^*""'""'" which he has wrought
this diffiden^^to Lat of t^l ^l ?'''"^ ^°^ *hem. wZrXn
our never dying Si ""''* ^"^P°^"* '«»«ties that concern
^-tnlL'L'fCe^^^^^^ truths of the Gospel
Wm it not be well for me to enauire wH f" '''^%*'^° ^««*«'^'
It has evidenrty been d^Jami unto l^v * T*"' ^ ««» ««™g?
«t .0 have »r~™.Sli:::S:et ti tliT^spS^
are,
me our hariM—
Id'. WhenwiU
I this cumbrous
ient in waiting
nesstomeetthe
unawares; for
therefore may
irt about with
account of my
Jeived; but to
8 trying hour?
biere find a Sa-
hat will abun-
tvilhng to look
it consummate
;^ thing that is
Tod, into my
^ name, there
rch my heart,
rensive to thy
hat I may be
ess. I have
ehovah, haat
say from the
ad all that is
- desire now
sus, through
II the blessed
it convinces
look upon
bled by the
set that has
ias wrought
Why then
Iiat concern
the Gospel
) Masters."
n serving ?
that I can-
desire, be-
1 God, and
The spirit
13
is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak, and I have a law in mv
members warrmg against the law of my mind ^
April 19.— The difference has been fully displayed this dav U
tween law and Gospel, by one of the servanH God live"
been made sensible that there is no other name given under Hea
ven or amongst men whereby I can be saved, oily the name of
Jesus ; only ,n and through his death and sufferings, burial, ?esuJ
the pX ^^"T' ^rr"'/'^^ {'^^^^ expect t?be accepted Jf
o^Ln A I r? ''""^ I have been brought to realize my insuffi-
ciency and helplessness I desire no other way. what reason
I have to praise that Majestic Being who hath opened my eyeHo
un ^vtT '' ^ r *^^°,^ ^^'^^"^ •' ^^^ Saviour,Vghten
ZfLJu-'' ^'' ^"*"'/ &'^^ ^^^^ I ^^y ^'^ve a lively Ssur-
ance of obtaining a part of that rest that remains for the Jeople of
Sf n.^ ?^ °'' "•'*. ^V' '"^i f^^ ^^'^''' ' *^« ti«^e ^ fast hasten-
ing and the period when (if life and health *e spared), I contem-
S tratToT° aI t'1 r^ Master before a wicked and" adulterous
hTnhT- ^\^.^'^^'-}oyfcan I speak in thy name, when lam
but a babe m religion; but thou hast said, "If ye love me keen
^^Re^CiTT'" r\^^ P^«^^« ''^'^^^^^ ha^^es 1^!
of me " ""^ '^''*'^^ ^^ followeth mo ia not worthy
" Ashamed of Jesus, that dear friend,
On whom ray hopes of Heaven depend !
mu ^" I blush, be this my shame,
That I no more revere his name."
Tes, I have reason te blush when I approach before the "High
d^ell :S{ tfe '^t '"^f"'^ ^'"'"^'y^' ' ^"* ^•^<' condescendio
dwell with the humble and contrite soul, that I no more reverence
ks omnipotency In thy name I put mV trust, anHoVcaTl go
If thou goest not up with me ? I will open my mouth, and refy
on thy promises to fill it. what a strong consolation is it thatl
have an High Priest who was "in all points tempteShke swe
'• ""excepted, to intercede for me to the Father Have I
received the spirit of adoption whereby I can cry, " Abba Father?"
If this deceitful heart does not deceive me, I fiow I have,
the m?t :^--How sure is my standing if my feet are placed on
Sd enemf.''T^ri''"''' ^^'^^'^ ^" *^^ insinuatidns of a
Wicted enemy ! I think yesterday was a day to be had in long
r oldT/il, \r *J")r ^'W^ my mind^vhen sitting uS
deS bv M ^^^'''^ ^''^^' . ^'^^ *^^ ^^«^"e"^ Sfrmons,
aeuvered by Mr. David Harris from those wvds, " Stand still
t\t"\?"mt"^^^^-;' ''""'^^ -dTwiiitrs
tRroafif • ^ •If'^ ^''■^''^^'^'' « thus provided, to save even
the greatest sinners ; if it were not such, I Sever coild have been
14
Atirif OT IT 1
fue DOdyand blood oif a riVn q„;^-7 -^ "°° "»at partakes of
fungering and tlurstinJSTw l/?^?^ f "^' them that are
Heaven which, ifTml^Z W he t'^ TS .^°^^ ^«>«»
i'T.*^? did'st tell thy DLipirsto « J '^'^^" ?" ' ^^
% body broken for them;" ^'S ofSf '"^*^*' ?' *^'« ^««
membrance of me." ShaU T n ^ «f j ^ ^^ ^° ^t» «° ^^^^^^^ ?
Imay grow ingra^e rndTZLn^^' ^T' ^"^ ^'^^^tj, that
our Jesus Chri^ "" '^^ knowledge of my Lord and Savi-
caat my lot in wilh Zmf^hetce Clf ? S^'^ 1^^^^^^' ^^^'
been received into the boson, nfJifi^*'^ ""^^^^ ^^^y and have
gented favour am I pr'jS^' ^^^^P^* Church. VhatuI!
Saviour, ever keep me SnderX shadow n? .?°''' "^'^ ^^^^^e
MJg and wandering from thee IZ th^TiA ,*^^ ^'"^a from stray-
I always walk inihe Tght^f '^odl^^^^^^^^ miy
the smalest desree to fh« L • .? "^*®"^^®» »ot adherinffin
never may it be^my uS^aL^^^^^^^^ ^ ^""'^ adveSy^;
beams of the Sun of EigEsnS Ev^f^ ?r *^^ ^'^«^^^g
star Jesus full in view ^"®^^' -^^^r may I keep my leadin|
?S^^^'^f£^et^^^ of another mom-
^at it may be%tw?^trL'r^^^^^^^
Lord, to examine mvself an7.«n T i^°? ^^ul. Enable me
not, to know if lam Sr^^ ^^ in the feith oi
a^vated will be my cSSon ff lit' ""'aTT' ^*»'^^°%
and be guilty of the (ody anSSof m. T "^J* ^Z^ nnworthily
soon arrive when I shall be ?aid£^ If ^ ^''^' ?^« P^"od wifi
follow my dear Kedeemer^ SSns m^nP"'' ^^f ?^^) ^<1
apoor fallen creature raised ^^iSF u^^ ^"^ ^"^^^ station is
God's marvellous light?'"^ *°' ^^^^ ^«^»gbt out of darkness into
^ttne20— Sabftath afternoon I h.^. u
heart of gratitude
B particularly for
unworthy; but
lat sacred ordin-
that partakes of
ard, why was I a
Is, them that are
ame down from
ihall die ? Dear
eat, for this wag
it, do it in re-
he so honored ?
d humility, that
liord and Savi-
n place since I
I's people, have
earth, and have
ch. What un-
most adorable
igs from stray-
3 humble ; may
ot adhering in
ed adversary
a the cheering
lep my leading
mother mom-
of an infinite
on the Lord's
on therefrom,
Enable me,
^ the feith or
!e, forawfuUy
k unworthily
te period will
spared) and
ed station is
larkness into
tiug with a
i have dropt
ungrjr soul,
tiog since I
16
united publicly with the people of God, for ever before was my
mmd wavering, and bomg not established therein; I was contanu-
3 «f raidmg my own conscience until I took up my cross and
made known to the world that 1 was on the Lord's side God
grant that I may ever be kept in the pathway of duty, and daily
take up my cross. On the 8th of May, 1824,1 was received Sto
the Church as a candidate fo" the Ordinance of Baptism, and on
the 6th of June was immersed in Jordan's swelling flood, and
communed at the table of the Lord. how awfuUy^solemi wSa
the undertaking. But I desire to bless mv dear ^Redeemer for
brmging me thus far; I know the glory will all redomid to thy
name for rescuing such a hell-deserving sinner a« I from thi
ruinous predicament I was in. How lamentable was my situation!
te7 - ""i ?.^ ^""^ ^*^""* ^^P^ ^^ *^« ^orfd ! but God wa^
t^r^J ^I'^XTT^ ^ ^^""f "^^ ^ '^ '^^^^^ from the burning,
?^f w : ^'^"^^^T' V ^^«' "P^» *J^e rock of ages, which
I^W ^n^.T"*".*!*,** ^\^^' ^f ^«" «l»aU nevfr prevail
r£Z'n ^^ • ,^^ ™¥y am I sheltered from lib stormy bU of
impending wrath that is fast approaching! "The mulaitirof
rocks IS my defence ;'' how ought my heart to glow wiSlove aiS
sionate as to shed abroad his love in my heart '
.Jj!uL^^~^ was indulged the paat afternoon with hearing an
Xtw'^Sor^^''"^'.''^^' "BythegraceofGodfam
wnat I am. How often haa my heart adopted that language since
tSSr .natfT'" ^'^"^^"^ ^?*"':^'^ "^ '^ would considef
Creator £ ttt *^^* f« J.^^^g ^^ particular would remember their
Creator m the davs of their youth, for the evil days are drawing
nigh when they ,Ul say they have no pleasure in^thm. cZ§
mvarm reach your caae fain would I exert all my effort for your
salvation and eternal welfare. I would clasp you in my ams^d
^uldfih ^ri ? °?^PT' *?«^^\yourimmortel soJls, neithei
to sav« rZn- ^^' r^^*^^'-?," such a glorious ransom provided
to save rebellious, lost man; all lean do iltocommend your soub
eom££v 'ZT^^S '"^ ^'^^ transgressions, and to look with
neatthe^v^^oVZ^ since I visited a young female who has been
wrconf?I!n? V 1, ^''y' ^"i ^'^* herself ruined and undone, and
tol worH of f^Z T "^"^ *^"^ '^ s^« ^^ '««»oved from time
hnLZ i ^ 'P'"*"' '^« ™"st inevitably sink into misery whwe
hope could never come. Under those apprehensio^, wS^sh!
r
16
our of sinners, that thou evlr 5. iy.f^'' ?^^«sed name, Savi
mg the fallen race of Adam Th *^"^^*^ ^^ "^'^^y concern."
(we trust) taken her ftetut ouZ hotib^ *V ^T'^<^^^^<^
put a new song in her mn»lh horrible pit and mirv clav
How gl^deninf this i'toT^^^^ fi^^ *« .% greatVaS
otf.t''T i^ holiness fSul in t^>^^H ''Thouart
what has Zion and all her Xocat^s tf ?''' ^°^"S ^^^^^rs."
ours, oiur forefront and rerewaTonr i- n^'^''. '^^«« *^'s God is
tower where the righteous mrvr„r, ? J^^? ^°^ '^"^kler, a strong
a stream of broadfiv^ o tSs/wh'^^^^^^^ theLord taf
walk an his precepts, tmd no S bil^'^,^'' commandments and
that walk upr^hV Maj such be mf ti^ ""''^'^^ ^'^ '^'^
^w/ylS.-Sabbath afternoon t/ ^V"^'^'
% m hearing the eversSospe^dl^". ^^^^^ ^^^'^'^ to-
that It has proveAa gloomy sLontnlTr'^ ^""^^^ must I say
cold and i^sensibl^tlat my atSIn • • • ^ grieve that I am so
gaged, and that I have ISh ''^}^''^^V^ '^ so small a decree en
With what solemn wlrJ,Sf, ^^«^« of my own inf mltiTs"
rest upon my mind '^43/ «f reahties of another wor d to
ver me from-'this body of death ' 1 Twf ^ ^^' whoshJlde£
my flesh, dwells no gW th ni ml ^-"^.t"* ^^ ^^' t^^t is, in
tinually upon the rack, feed R Jl^.'''^ ^' "^ ^^*« ^^en con"
Piy and relieve me, I acknoS t i.^''"'^J' ^^^^ ^^vinely near
tein of living wate/s Jd havJheIn o,^T ^''''\^'' *^^«' ^^^ S
te can hold no water. S^ I TL'IIT^^ ^-^on cisterns
'^^O^f^r.^^^^^^ hearing were these,
and who is the sword of tbin*^ S '^' *^^ '^^^^ of thine heln
^found lia.. unTole: ^ndXulfe^^ thine enen^e: Si
ces." A week ago to-dav T W?.! .^^^^^ "P0» tlieir high nla
celent discoursesfel veSw^^^^^ *^'' P"^^^«g^ of I^earing two et
"And of Benjamin Kid ri'r P^.^^^^' V Elder ffiin?"
safety by him and thefi shallt''^'^ '^'A^ ^^^^ll dwel?fn
he shall dwell between hi shotld ^^^^^^^ *^^ ^y W, anS
f^W- '^'"* "^ ^*^^' they are the sons of r ^^'.^^^ ^ ^^^ led
iollowmg was again ^rmitted to IS li, ^'*^; ^° Thursday
^hat he m,ght present unto^im^yrgLr^h',^^^^^^^^^^
I, ktioym only to
a name, Savi-
morcy, concern-
y boundless love
t and mirjr day,
thj great name!
t IS with theo to
low, ''Thou art
icing wonders."
ince this God is
uckler, a strong
; the Lord is as
mandments and
iheld from them
;hlj favored to-
itah must I say
i that I am so
I a degree en-
ivn infirmities,
lother world to
who shall deh-
Qe, that is, in
late been con-
livinely near,
bee, the foun-
■oken cisterns
lises and cast
carest for the
were these,
rejoice and
^who is like
' thine help,
nemies shall
3ir high pla-
ingtwo ex-
Jr Harding :
all dwell in
Y long, and
' as are led
1 Thursday
God, when
lowledge — •
fi, not liav-
17
raised ! -surely goodness and mercy have followed mo a Z davs-''
but Oh! how unthankful, how unmindful of thelmndtXlws
such distmgu3shed mercies upon so vile, so great a sinner 'how
applicable to my case is the language of the poet— "
" Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love ■'
He^re's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it from thy Courts above."
V Jf ? ^^'' T/ ^•^'^ ^'^"« ^" *^^ SP"'^<^ «n the Lord's day. Hea-
yenly Parent, forgive mc, and remove my manifold transLssiona
farfrom me and grant me grace for days to come, for theS are
evil ; make and keep me humble. , "^ mo uays are
Jiihj 21.— Have felt a degree of sensibility these twodava r^'v^t ■
not ce. I daily find that I am a dependent ci*iture • if forsaken
of God I must per sh, that I had faith to viW a all t Z tho
?!??''"2 '^ *^^ ^^^"'^hty, for 'o eloso
teEM„7^l? f'"""" """J ™™ntous was the occurrence
and brevity of life Oh Sf iZl^l ''^'^'j .""f fte uncertainty
day, ^ to apply my hVart untTa^„'""&
interestuur discourse was ^oii™Jj <• "Jpon the occasion an
"And wL the7werto huvTv! i?T ""* ='"'^°8 ™«i'.
that we,« ready w^nrr^thJi.it.'Sl/^"'? '»'°^'^* ""y
make a ^ht impSent 'oJ i* ' ^ '"" '''' gnmt a heart to
he^^n A;:l''t^"°Sake^'/„^n ^ ™^''«^
not only fef the day and m^na ^^L u ./ '^"'"' "^atOKS,
puj^s Xt"rarieihthf te 5 4
-^4tei'?'^'7 f «■>. Fourteen tto^ywe^rfS*
^Jl4d*|S.e^^.tf£V^
ro.:«„^^tJe»iWutXte^^^^
J^oar, have mot
10 awful tribu-
heir doom.
3n my mind!
arching grace,
up to action,
1 with hearing
time to time,
lis noble text,
1 said, Men of
ly one sermon
B of Baptism
Two bloom-
did it bring
[ followed the
grave: then
nd has been
^ at the close
5 occurrence
feless corpse
uncertainty
number my
occasion an
dng words,
', and they
kd the door
d oil in my
J fit to be-
> a heart to
ungrateful
creatures,
ched Gos-
r heavenly
ts of this
Jt, of such
iried with
enlivening
Iff passage
fiey knoW
Q. Iwill
19
T£Jr^'''''-iJ^'!f before them, aiid crooked things straight.
These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them " ^
August 17.--I have retired into my chamber for the night
with some good degree of thoughtfulness -for the common mercies
ot my life paat, and for the amazing love and condescension of the
Father m devismg (m the council chamber), before creation waa
biwght forth or the world was framed, such a glorious plan Td
way of salvation, which will ever bring a revenue of gloJy to his
great name, and which is so well calculated to bring the aspiring
rebel low, and to exa t the worthv name of Jesus. On this foun?
dation, and on this alone, do I wish my future hopes of happiness
.tW.l'l^ -h^^ '•''"^"^"S ^^/« '^^' I « spend Con
earth, I think, if I know my own heart, I want to be spent in
proclaiming the all-sufficiency of Immanuel to save ruined sLer^
by a way which they know not ; for surely after such distinguish'
ing love has been manifested towards such a vile sinner aa I am.
the vilest of the vile need not despair. if they could but for a
moment realize what a few more rising and setting suns will dis-
c ose to their view, how soon would they call for help ! But so
blinded IS the human heart by the vain infatuations of Satan, that
unless eyes are given them from above, they cannot see, nJither
can their ears hear. ' "*'^"*^*^
+.n^-nf *f ^•"~^'''^ a round of worldly affairs engrosses my at-
ten^on that I neglect private duties very much. How much more
gratifying would It be, and far more profitable, to have a variety
of sacred duties to attend to, such as visiting the fatherless 3
I have to do With the world I want to have my heart where mv
treasure IS for I humbly hope my treasure is^notintheS
v^ities of time but in durable 'riches and righteousnessXt •
ittS f"'^"^^?^ f ^ permanent; but alas how little do I ret
hze that I am entitled to a glorious inheritance, purchased for me
by the amazing suffenngs of my ascended Redeemer. So stuSd
flupnrf ^ Va^'^i r^'^^? ^^ ^^*^«"ly 1°^«' ^^^ tlie rich in?
fluences of God's holy, quickening, and enlivininc spirit (»n
slTf.r ^/ ^f' '^ my lukewarSness. Is it pJsibrL^
soul redeemed and ransomed from the power of the grave oaT be
g^k and unfruitful But why th'ese gloomy ap^JJh^SnsI
M is not mapoverished by bestowing his (Slestial gfies upon wi
Stv r^ /f ^' ^w''' r^ Srace for grace ;" wrestle with the
Z^ ? <5,of ^ a^omted. tord, thou vStm,
withhoI(f thy tender mercy if I ask aright, andXKg $£ ttou
• ♦■
20
ttrt a i-cwardcr of them that dili^rcntly nook thy favor On th^
hy all ,vho shall !:ttc:nd : . m/Z littKi^,^ET ^' '''H
" TJiis was compassion like ji God,
That when the Saviour know
1 he price of pardon was his blood,
llia pity ne'er witlidrow."
Here ia represented the complete atonement that the Lord of Hfr
was a man ot sorrows, and acquainted Avith «rief."^ He Lvl
hissoul up to d.e stroke of d;;th without aCmirinXrd
O my Saviour has got the victory over all my spiritual eSemks
He has conquered death, hell, and the grave, and Xt ^8^
for? Is It what he waa under obligation to do? No Then how
o"h/threl'''^' '^^'^ the amazing wisdom and condotn'on
ot the three persons m one Godhead, that he who thoucht it not
o^n^'^.t H "'l^'l ^^*^ ^°^ the lither, sLuld assume suc^^^^
2S'^'? ^'P?r^ ""*"^^ "^ I '^^d aU'the hlanTmirSro
week ago to-day I was permitted to hear a very annronriate dis
fi^f^f Lf V *^*®N f ^^''i*^ ^^^ ^P^J^^"^ of in some part of the
Se Snl« of L r'" ?^ °^*r^"S ^^'^t ^««t that remains for
-iftS^^u-? ■ , • ^®^' ^'^''^s of spiritual thiiffs were ^reatlv
altered while m her last illueas, which listed onf of tefl^?
I lei
•
ruvor. On the
rcu and sisters
icn (loprivcd of
f, that mav bo
aco bo rculiacd
huH increased
vn our Btreots
3 to join with
aco with joy,
rivilogcs have
:ncc lueetinga,
litter of which
■iscn Saviour,
that all my
lealed. As a
er laden with
IS of a dying
ed," gave up
on was com-
laco of three
Lord of life
ings (for he
) He gave
uring word,
lal enemies,
yhat was it
Then how
ndescension
•ught it not
lime such a
family are
> sin." A
Dpriate dis-
■ a beloved
part of the
tabernacle
emains for
sre greatly
ten days,
21
S"^ ""w?'*/'"!? M^® V'^''^^^^^ to Jiavo experienced the love of
Jesus. What a dady consolation ought it to bo to her afflicted
parents, surviving relatives, and to the world at large, that she
left such evidence of a good hope through grace, when her expir-
ing language was, "glory, glory to God in the highest," and to her
parents and brothers she said (the message was d(nivercd by her
tender father as she bade adieu to all terrestrial objects in a land
of almost strangers, in Columbia, State of Connecticut, whereas
her native place was Annapolis, N. S.), "shed no tears for me,
but prepare to meet me in heaven." This was striking, to come
from the ips of a dying person. Oh that it might haio a salu-
tary effec upon all the living, that each one may lay it to heart.
ih.8 18 a loud warning to me, to bo ready to meet the bridegroom
ut his appearing, to bo found with oil in my lamp, and it
meet death as the passport to endless felicity, and greet it as a
hatTutTy'- ^' T^^ ^T}^'"" J^^' ^" «o^ «re thi^t^
have cut me off as a cumberer of the ground ; but for wise and
hdv purposes I hope my unprofitable life is lengthened out ; may
such tender loving kindness excite in this immortal soul of mino
Iresh expressions of love and gratitude.
y.\Sttl?'~^^^\'^''^) ^ ^''^ «^y ^" any degree connected
with the solemn and alarming scene that I have ver/ recently been
s'crfbeirAnlb'' ' '"'^'^ *^"«".^ '' ^" ^"^^^ iSl^Z
scribe It. Another cousin is gone the way of all the earth in the
same melancholy manner his dear brother''(in a distanriand) me?
he grim messenger. He was drowned when saihng for Tasure
^n a cajioe, with three other youths. It appears that by hirun!
weaned exertions in rocking the little sail, it upset, and I\ were L
f?ur ron^^S' ^l' ^^ '>' ^'^^ Providence'of Jod, Wee out of tS
four (one of whom, since his deliverance, has professed to know
Co Jwlfi 1 ^^'^ ''''' ^T^' ^^^^« t^« other, (namely, Wm
Coggwell, J^) was summoned to appear before tho judge of qui^k
?ed in !« T"'^' f r^^ "'"^'^S '' '^' ''^''^ -Motion S
tea m the breasts of his numerous acquaintance, was ffever wit-
hZi ^'f!^ ""'"^r ^y ^"°^^^«<^g«' i^ CornwalisTId indeed I
have heard those that were far advanced in life, say the same A
thc^TLlT '"^ f""^ countenance. Alas, they mourn as
land v.t Lw •' ff "^ }T- ^"^ °^^"y ^^0 thi warnings in our
and yet how ineffectual to arouse the carnal, the carnally secure •
lurreZSf -f 5 *^'.^°°^' '^ ^'^- ^ '^^^ thisSng
S tW TJ^ • ''"^ ^'? '" T'^ ^'^'^> tJ^^t ^"^^ one may con? .
sider that there is no work nor device in the grave to which we
are all haatemng. Gracious God, as the hea4 J are high aboT:
I
henvei, tL L . ^l Sanctified afflictrons aro the bread of
»nTa dirCh r, t^x-i'ot? rj^a »^ "■»
'"tt'lr r ."T^ "'■» ■»'» *' fold oVchrislT^ °"™-
own salvation with fear and tremhlin, "T)' .• »»' y»nr
tered to seven candidal, p^Vsr-tSfiinessSlr ^T"
tne table of the precious Saviour was one hundred and HiJrf? t
mS^^r they r,,,i,,^ with penitence and gr^^^^^^^^^^
morials of the Redeemer'a sufferings, and the emblem nf Zl
trfai':?t'rn""'^*^^?S^^ ^^^«^ isac\Vr"d by foitK
WoiT i n°*^- ^ ^''^ '^% s^y it ^as a seison to be remem
bered by rebelhous unworthy me; the more frequently I am S
nutted to commune with the people of God, the S I ?SnK
^tZ^''''"'^ *^ ^^-'-^ *« all th^rdinatsof
" My soul, how lovely is ihe place
• To which thy God losorts ;
Tis Heaven to see his smiling face,
• 1 hough in his earthly courts."
heSdfZrilirl'S ^.H^^3^-f^^ored, though heU^deserving sinner,
was tvt^'Tp, ^i ^'"'T'' ^^P^^^ded by my faithful pfstor: I
tun-^ • . T i At I ^ ^^^' ^^^ t"e precious oppor-
Si- ' ' ^ r I > ^' J ^''T' '""'^ ^ ^^«tched, wandSng
Smn :.o ti ^ -T r^ *^^* understanding I wouldf wish to ; f
tb,^^-' « °^*H^ "'^''"S ««ene I not long since pas^d
wfeav?!" P'^^r^f ^^P^*^y f^^ *^« mourning ChT
which have so severely been called to mourn, pressed upon my
'#
mercy thou didsc
10 flames of hell,
■ soul. Ah thou
tho decreo wag
repared by thy
aiiis of unrccon-
parcnts not had
hey could fly to.
10 it, and that it
'lo rules in the
; the inhabitants
to him, "what
10 psalmist and
3 ; before I was
re the bread of
uining, and the
ehovah aocom-
•ist !
• I was privi-
rork out your
n Avas adminis-
he Lord's Sup-
that sat round
and thirty. I
titude the me-
nblem of that
3d by faith in
to be remem-
itly I am per-
loro I think it
ordinances of
>rving sinner,
■ul Pastor; it
nd thy glory
jcious oppor-
d, wandering
Id wish to ; a
since passed
ling family,
led upon my
23
mind with such weight, that I could not refrain from sorrowiM
and It engrossed part of my attention at different Hmea. *'
" The fondness of a creature's love,
How strong it strikes the sense ;
Thither our warm nfibctions move,
Nor can we call them thence."
Health invahiaMo blessing, I am allowed to enjoy in a good de-
S'li, n.- ;'.'^^''">; ''""mortal part flourish, while tho mortal is fat
ho., T r^ . ^ "'' \* ^'r "" *^>° ^''"^^'^ °f I^«^«non i For
ronH? f ^rT^ I" *''',^""''' ^*' ^^° I^^rd «^a» flourish in the
Inv of .r^T^I' , ^""^ '^''y ^^^" ' "^"^ I «f the number? Can
I say ot the Lord, ho is my refuge and my fortress, my God in
him will I trust I Can I onfideln his never-fail fn^ Shfulness
and behove there shall no evil befal me,-neithcr shaU ^TZ
Z: 7go7 aT"'"^ • , ^.^°"^^ --^ «--bly feel itT/S
ir fmn. . •. f ' T ^^'''*"' ^^"* *° ''o cl^eckcd, and a great-
wUTk TV' ^' a throne of grace is much needed ; I fed my
sermZ ir "T^ T*^ pnvileged yesterday with 'hearing three
sermons delivered; two by my dear Pastor from 2nd Ihess..
84 'o' 4, ' '^"^ one by a Methodist preacher from the Psalm
«4, 2. They were all profitable discourses to the believer • the
former was very alarming (or it is hoped will provrsoTtd the
tnfTt^r'- ,^ 7'^* r r««-f th-e is^rThe pUaim!
lofe and 3 fif'v T ^°'^ '"v!? ^""^°"^ ^^^^ ^^^'^ ^^ the
whol. ItF ^-f- ^t'.keepmg nothing back, but delivering the
whole matter as it is given unto the heralds of the Most Hi|h in
the word of inspiration, that blessed book, the Bible S S
Tn L rtl7 '^^^^"^ V«r reproof, for correction, and K ru !
tion m righteousness, that the man of God may be thoroughly fur-
mshed unto every good word and work. ^""g'i^y ^^
November 24-1 yet have to lament my engagements to the
world and worldly things, but I sometimes thinkf werri nVhtly
subS T? .^^"^'• °^ '^''^^y <>^>«t« would'be brougffi
m2d but the law m my members wars against the law of
my mmd Alas, how cold, how inanimate a?e my affections
towards heavenly realities ; how easy to seize ^ Tlh^ow and
gmsp at a phantom ! When such distinguishing, loZSjness
S Tbt ->h^°^'^''^ /'"^ '^' ^'''''''' «f the Lamb, and o -
Him that sitteth upon the Throne, forever. But while I Tn-ite
MZ^^.t:?:'':^.'^!'!^.' ^^- -^ ?> ^y an eye of U! LTS
^^r"}^'^^^^^^^^ of^rrrdTeS
and shamefully entreated by all mandnd (excepting rfew,tnd
♦.#
24
ttoThat^/ol^^^^^^ follow him whithersoever he
bW'to ransJmTe wTh thJelect?^^^^^ ^'.f '^''^- '^ ^^' ^^^^'«
feel assured that on him hanfnll ^ f ^"""^^^f «^iserj,-may I
other place of safety J Ihafbe^^^^^^^ *^* ^ ^^^'« "o
Wind and my covert from the teZ,. "^^ ,^^^^°g,Pla«e from the
great rock in a weary Tnd '' S^^'t, ^^ "' *^^ ^^^^^^^ of a
soul a hKiing place ! hVmany and ho^ ^^^^^^^^^^
I am under to love nnrl cn-,,^*^ ^ ®^* ^^o the obbeat ona
^ir:;^-;;"^;!?;^ ;»*;'*; fear has »^^^^^
" ^""1 ^^«''"& Jiyea grow shorter still,
As days and months increase:
And every beating pulse we tell
^^aves but the number less."
'ithrdrr'K:^:'^^^^^^^
progress in the divinThfe L?S oKh" ^ iT'".*''^ ^^ "^^ ^"le
in the ensuing year I mav btmnrL t.'"'*'^^' .^^°^^' S^^nt that
thee. If it should be confistenrw t W?f T? '^"'. "^^ ^"^« '^^to
the fiesh aad the deyil ThetTif *' ™'"""' "^ *' »«'«,
alone canst enablete to Sltand 4» °" "E tr'' ""^''™
J^to are not carnal, but mishtv thl,».. ^'''^T??"' "^ P^
hatt loved me L Sh^Sv?; his' 1?^ ^1"^' *''""«'' '^'" '■»'
.Sain'^priL^'f^J'^^y" »»feren^ I was
tended ahd solonmlv dSiW.^ '"??''^,'«»'e elapsed since I at-
Yet I thinkTKtten fo7thf i"'"; ''.^'^."^ '''» People,
with them. T could sL^l.^ b f™' "'^ '""'■""'■on to m^t
yea even fainLh for tSI coil of S^'T'-'' '>. '""' >™Seth
come and appear before G^r^ I Z^TL ^-fz^^^" A 1
sons on the Sabbath and oth^r J, J I ™ *""* ^P^^W sca-
the gospel dispenSd I h™ ,„ f ' '^^^^ ""' P«™i««l to hear
God*inrissan'^t3;on"eC„^ Pn"leg«l with worshippir.^
with every needed IZ tt Z.™Jj ° "y Saviour, furnish mi
,1- <»ueove in other things,
aliould excite love and gratitude, that God the eternal JFat^r
Ih'lr
li]
26
tTorl^r^y ^\ ^^ the .orfd to die for sin-
^^'^TXl^i'^^^^ ac Wledge.ents, I trust,
transactions have trans, .Tduritthf, T^'' ^'^ ^''^^
gone; many delightfulTvent connpiS ^u ^""^ *^"* ^« ^^^^^^r
ests, and I hope ?br the Z^of Pn^ l^"" ^'?^ """^ ^''* ^■°*^^-
truly say it has beenTyS/Jf vca A ''' ^^? ^^'''- ^ ^"«*
mandments of a holy-^and lil P J^^ ^n keeping the com-
While the righteous jLments of T^^' l^f^ '' ^'^^^ ''^^'^'
am loa^Jed wfth mercis and t^n. i ""^^ H^' 'P'^^^ abroad, I
ried out of time fnto eterni T^^^^^^^
and can approach the mS seat wS ^^ ^. Hf'^fionary state,
from above Oh that mt IJ ^ "" 'P'"* ^^ P^'^Jer given
trust in the Lord shal ^IsMonZ^/^T'lT^^ ^'' *^^/t^at
but abideth forever. I think I s^n ih ^ "^^^'^ '^^^^^^ ^« "^^^ed.
unprofitableness at times and tht^ l ^'"^ "^-T "^^^o^thiness and
further degrees of S W to S ^ ^^'^S ^"^ P^^* ^fter
blessed Jes°us, to be SirelrXst J n^i;? ^°^^' '""^^ ^^^« "^7
la^fw^rrLkt^L^d'sSs^r^^^^^ «-I
the all-important truths of the^osp ^7 '^^ -^^e susceptible of
tor spoke from la.t Sabbath waftW - M/r'°\'''' ^'''' ^««-
and I know them, and they Slow me • ^f/j ''^ ^T ^^ ^°^««'
nal life, and thev shall ZJ^L-T ' ?r ^g've unto them eter-
them oit of my hand' ' Thl fT^' ''''^^'' ^^^" ^^ ^^ pluck
edifying natu"rJ;tmWn^g'r/"^^^^^^^^^^ an
sheep and lambs was thp wLt«' i,x
luminary of the world on thfe, the LKav Th, kl^^ f
I-ml, that neither , lumbers n^r s^ harwatS rreilt
behev^ around my bed, and ha, guarded U from seenldVn^J
** Oh for a heart to praise my God,
A heart from sin set free."
That blessed promise cheers my drooping spirits-«He shall feed
his flock hke a shepherd ; he shall gathir the lambs inT.V^«
and carry them in his bosom." E^efore tit God «' w?^
are as a drop of a bucket, and are counted as the small dust of
the balance ; behold he taketh up the isles as a very S thi^l "
l7^1itZ\Tf '''''''' ""'"'''''^ ^^'^ - thele Xgesfor
tne righteous to rely on as a promise ratified in the salvation of
^'rriS i?r'^ '''''' ^ *r ' '''' ^ ^^oTm
sacred morning that I was ever sought out from among the un-
yegai
And \
is goo(
his ch
rejoice
midst
Ap?
Gospel
these
Lord ]
doer."
of the
gratitu
me all
the kn
fied R
«an be
1 indulged with the
3ay, on account of
I the house of tho
eon there, owing to
most exhausted, the
fatigable pursuit of
be made strong by
le may he strength-
:aying. And now,
becoming manner ?
too far, but still I
ire been delightful,
view the immu-
s, and has brought
aid I this night be
I I not have much
16 and blushing of
i I say unto God,
1 whereby I might
J creature I am !
Thou hast in love
on, for thou hast
rn as a dove ? I
salute the bright
The keeper of
matched, I verily
1 seen and unseen
-"He shall feed
mbs in his arms
)d " the nations
he small dust of
ry little thing."
ese passages for
the salvation of
) bless God this
among the un-
31
godly, and have a name and a place among his people. I desire
to resign myself, make a free dedication of soul and body to the
I I^vmgGod Oh that I may now and in future life evince that I
amot the household of faith, that I am a pilgrim here below
I ooking and longuig for the con.ing of the Just One. If permit!
ted to attend Gospel worship to-day, may the truths be sanctified
to my heart ; may I feast on angels' food, and love holiness for
holiness' sake.
Have now returned from the earthly courts of the Most High
I«'L? < ' 'f M* ' T^V ^°*«?:?«tV"g P'^ssage of Scripture wae As-
cussed-" And he lifted up his hands and blessed them." This
is the kind dealing of our common Lord to all his disciples : and
1 will say to the praise and glory of his name, that he has blessed
me ; I cannot say how much, nor liow many times, for they are
not to be enumerated by a finite worm. I trust I feel the blessing
l.n.i'^'-i .. W° ^''^ 'i" ?'^ ^'»^^«<^' ""^^ on earth peace and
fnni T A.t''f *' °^ '^" -i^^^ °f II«a^«n ha« been in some
good degi-ee unfolded to my weak understanding. May I not say,
this IS my rest forever, here will I dwell, for I have aesiredif' •
It 1 have any will of my own it is unperceivable to me ; I desire
to be swallowed up in the will of God. But here I am in an im-
perfect state, exposed to the stratagems of the enemy
"^ff''^ 13.--'« Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within
me bless his holy name." Who would not resign this vaS
tenacious Avorld, with its profits and pleasures, for a hope that is
as an anchor to the soul, both sure and steadfa'st, and i?Ts this I
trust, bears my soul above the delusive charms thereof Where
can such joy and comfort he found as in religion ? Away awav
ye gaudy vanities of this hfc ; approach not to disturb my ^y^'
And who is it^hat will harm me if I am a follower of th7wS
jsgood? for the Lord ot Hosts hath declared, he that toulheth
his chosen people toucheth the apple of his eye. - Smd
r^oice, daughter of Zion, for lo I come, and I will dwelfn the
midst of thee, saith the Lord." ^ ®
Tofil?^ 17.— Lord's day. I was again privileged with attending
thesrlS P^'.ot^^^'T^'^T^y?^^^^^ ^^« deliveredfrorf
these woids,— ' love ye the Lord, all ye his Saints for the
Lord preserveth the faithful, and plentifully^ewardethl proud
of the truthTnf i'"*?r V }'''''}'^^^y. to tl^ose grand doctrines
?ratitn?p 1 'n ^ k ^"/^^'g'O"^ institutions, much more my in-
me a 1 iv ^ '''' benefactor who has taken a providential care of
Z wl^ ^''/fi^^'^f'?^""''^ '^^^^ P^easli to bring me to
&d SS/^T?'*'^*^ f and through the merits of a cruci-
^ b«!r -T' c * '-.T ^^°'* impossible that a renewed soul
«ui be so Toid of sensibiUty. Lord, let me down into myself that
*
]'if
32
may see the hidden abomi
God/that I have thus pTeSrei^^^^^^^^^^ '^J^^'""^ ^fo^^
candidates were to-day TurTcd vkh f'hv . ', ""^'^ ^lory. Three
in the judgment of clLtvX- ^ "'«V» ^^Pt^sm ; they have
redeemed, not with corruptible if '''f'^''^'^ that they were
the precious blood of Chrt M ft'i"' ''^''', '^'^ 8°^^^' ^^^' ^vith
rehgion of Jesus, adorn t\lonV7r':^]^ '" 't ^'''"'' '^'
^Jprii li'^T '""r^ ^ "-^-f profit;" '^^^^"^ "^ ^"
appe?;lty~v] 7' But\'Ev "J^'n "r' ^°^^ ^^^ ^'^'^'^ ^f death
Terrors, whe^n7t will I tiLt in ''^'^ I ''''' '' '' ^he King of
the toils of this sinful worW V r.""? ^T''' ^' ^"^««« ^^^ f^om
thought) ? I thTk f ^v 1,^ \ f ^'^'^ °^*"^« shrinks at the
canjVwiththepo'eti^ ^'"'' ^''' ""'' greatly deceive me, I
" I would renounce my all below,
If my Creator bid,
. And run, if I were called to ffo.
And die as Moses did."
seafS^'o^-X^^^^^ expounded, and
quick and powerful and Iwl ih ' '^^^''^ ^^ «« " being
cing to the\vidiug^?undtX^^^^^^ -rd. pier?
sages spoken from to-day were these in A '" • ' ^^® P^^"
me, God, and know my heart trv r;. f 1"°'"'"^' " ^^^^^^
and see if there be aiTy^cKjavi 1 '"^. 7 "T- ""^ ^^^^S^^s,
everlasting- in the afternoon "su^erth^^^^^^^^^^ V^' ^i^^
thanks unto thy name the iinr,VV.f I Yi ? righteous shall give
what a precious i;iLlg^^^^^^^^^
the sound o'f the gStfospd' f uth^^^
long be brought to experience the veracity of S Q '" "'^
phrase, "Blessed arp th^^ +],„+ 1 ^*^^^^^V.oi that Scripture
shall ^alk, OLord^ he^IiStofT '^' ^'^^"^ sound; ^
do in some measure feJfL ^^S^*.^^,.% countenance." I hope I
butamledtTscrupletW^^^^^^ t^« farmer pit,
ance with the d J pS?!"?' .T-'* "^,f^«^ Profess anacquaiul>.
^, ^ „^ „yy„j proiess
Kedeemer^ whi^e others are dest
one thing nec:ful OhtW r a iT^""^ ^^® <^«stitu
S necmi. uh that God would prepare them by
iitute of the
grace for
M'.
;, and mourn before
and glory. Three
aptism ; they have
;ion that they were
and gold, Ijut with
all who profess the
■)ur Saviour in all
the article of death
it as the King of
to release me from
ire shrinks at the
itly deceive me, I
fellow men of tho
Judge, and leave
tomb. Poor sin-
inal retribution?
;he glorious cause
rit!
expounded, and
n of as " being
ged sword, pier-
&c. The pas-
'ning, " Search
w, my thoughts,
1 me in the way
iteous shall give
thy presence."
cith, of hearing
rust I shall ere
that Scripture
1 sound ; they
ce." I hope I
9 former part,
itinually under
inity.
' late to visit a
iS an acquaint-
>stitute of the
Q hj grace for
53
everything that awaits them in his wise and holy Providence for
life or death, that they may ere long receive tho end of their faith
the salvation of their immortal souls. In my excursions I went
to a house of mourning where tho family had reccnily heard of
the death ot a beloved child in a distant land ; one of the sisters
had so bemoaned his departure, that in giving away to immoderate
grief, she is now confined to a bed of sickness. "l trust her case
IS hopeful and that these afllictions may be danctificd to her never
dying soul. These are important lessons for mo. A minister of
the sanctuary praying with sick i)erso|^, and for mourners, is a
very striking memento of the solenm scones witnessed at our man-
sion four years ago. Oh how much have I to call up my atten-
tion to an active zeal and perseverance in my christian warfare, to
hght manfully, being armed with the sword of tlie spirit, the helmet
ot sai-ation, and withal taking to myself the shield of faith. But
alas, how great IS my poverty of spirit, which makes me so cold
and so unmindful of the hand that preserves me through all the
difficulties m life. I want to lean upon the breast of my beloved
and m him to be made rich unto all spiritual blessings. '
May 1— Another of the days of the Son of Man has risen
upon a worm like me. Oh, does my soul salute it as becomes
one ot Christ s flock, welcoming its appearance, m a day of rest
irora secular employments, as a day that is set apart for the sne-
cial work and worship of the Lord of Hosts l It is a new day to
me, and the returning of this has left a succession of days and
years that are past and gone. that I may experience a Sab-
bath aays journey to my eternal home, that it may be lone
remembered; and as my mind is now burdened with a sense of
my unprofitableness, of my deficiencies and ignorance, and I feel
as if I were bereft of all support. I may, in the use of the pri-
vate means of grace (our dear Pastor is absent), derive much
encouragement, and be filled with the good things of Christ's
Kingdom to be enraptured with his glory and excellences, that I
my venly believe "The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in
TOlianU "^ righteous, the right hand of the Lord doeth
May S.—Yesterday and to-day are memorable days to me
Mvmg last year at this time obtained grace to move forward ia
tne patb ot duty How many changes have transpired since that !
1 am spared, while others are dead, and have the blessing of health
bestowed upon me. But should I be asked what progress I had
made m the divine life, I should be ready to answer, none at all ;
tor the past year, which ought to have been spent to the glory of
^--^ above all others, looks like a blank. But notwithstanina
darkness, I think I can say, I know whom I have beUevod.
all
^H
%
■m
34
passage, " Ho shall feed 1^/ ",^ 1 t ho'fi '^''V' 1"''^'^^"' ^" ^^'^
honey out of the rock a'iI he a ^ -?'''* t°^ '^'' ^^^'^»*' ^vith
sure I realize this nassa4 o bo n. i iJ' f" "^^ ''^™^ ^"»*» "'^a-
tbllow on to know his wa J for ( ' " ' '""i "/ '"^'''^""S "^^ to
fested in the teari, ' doTn and^. 1 ll"" '""'^^'^ ^ocxlnoss nmni-
foundation. Why art i.or^hn, , !° V^ "'^ ^'^"^ <^» the sure
of your ascended-'^o iT^ 'h '^ t'h"; ' t"^"'^'.^he hi,h praised
deters me from it ; it Avorks i. mv Im "^''7.'^]'^ ^^ih how it
strong temptation ; yet umir t Sa .S '?\'""t ''' ^^°^" ^''th
week I have found mih comfort fn-^lhi: SJ'""^^' *'« '-'
" Though seed lie buried long i„ dust-
It sha'nt deceive our hope ; '
J he precious grain can ne'er be lost,
i? or grace ensures the crop."
^ZTeS;'^^^^^^^ *;- --"'^-gs and turnings of my
sink beneath L pon^^ Zlf^^^^ -^' /r I shaff
profess to have# It is eclir,spd \.ni . r ^''''^ '^ the faith I
end 7 has he no! ^M^^^il^^Z'""^ ^'? ""^ *° ^^«
to expiate all my guilt ^ ^ ' "^''*' ^'^ h»s cUed
vo£fp;;tt!^:H71^C^^^^^^^
describes Faith so ilfustrLsfy anffi nl-^'l'^^^' ^^^^^ ^^
my naind with great wei^^^bt tit this portion has pressed upon
live by faith ; bftTf^^^' drl^Z?' : ll tJT ^^^"
pleasure in him." Oh mav T vW ti?- f' ?^ ^?"^ ^^*" ^Jave no
feel desirous to walk in T^ ^'''' '^' *" ^ *^« «% way, and
" Whp^ should the children of a Kin?
Go mourning all their days ? ^
Great Comforter, descend and bring
oome tokens of thy grace."
^^^^Imy^^JZl'',^^^^^^ P-t^ has been occupied with
of darkness is i^rmS to «n! "^Jf.^"* town, where the prince
every heart; buMherrare a w T ^^"^'^I canopy in Los?
glority God and to proclaim the' S 'oft "'" '!.' ^ *^"«*' *^
grace. I think I was IpH +^ J^^^ ?^ ^^®® *^<^ sovereign
world's vain store, and to realirtlT V^' '"^*'"^^« '' '^^
beauties of scenery would S f ^"^^''^ "^^ ^^^^ all the
of light, I hone L3^ , ^"^^ * darksome prison j some rays
w m« Jesus hath loved me, I cannot tell
•(I'Ti"^.
since joining with
»• I trust I feel
Its, and can trace
It cliildren, in this
f the Mheat, with
some siimll uiea-
1 enabling nie to
I goodness niani-
soul on the sure
r the high praises
tivo evil, how it
Js me down with
through the !uat
turnings of my
»• me, or I shall
re is the faith I
• Jove me to the
ea, he has died
trt of the sacred
ews, where it
s pressed upon
^ the just shall
shall have no
only way, and
occupied with
re the prince
^py in almost
is, I trust, to
id sovereign
tiness of this
God all the
I ; some rays
it lustre, and
I cannot tell
S6
wy." On the following Sabhuth a very interesting sermon wa»
dehvered from these words, " Man that is born of a woman is of
few cava and full of trouble ; ho eometh forth like a flower, and
13 cut down ; he fleeth also as a sliadow. and continueth not " The
mournful occasion of this discourse was the death of a bioominir
youth (a connection of mine) in a foreign land : he died a.nonS
strangers BO bnd parents to watch over his emaciated frame
buch IS the state ot ma.i,-hc goeth to his long home, and the
mourners go about the streets. May this awalcenTng call, knock
loud at my lieart and bid mc prepare to meet my G^l. Likewise
trom this passage an evangelical sermon was delivered, " But
whosoever drinketh the water that I shall give him sha 1 never
thirst but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well
ISf. T;;'?'i'^"^ into everlasting life." The place was truly
glorious ; I tlunk I realized the presence of the Almighty Saviour
to bo round abo.it us, and I hope in many of our hearts, cans'
visited us.'' "^ ^"^' ' '* " '^' day-spvins from on high hath
May 29.--Another of the days of the Son of Man has return-
ed, and I am privileged with hearing the everlasting Gospel dis-
pensed from these words, " But Mary kept all those thinL and
pondered them m her heart.'' - Yea, a sword shall pierce tfrough
thine own soul, also, that the thoughts of many hearts mav be
revealed." I think I can bless God for the preLu o^poSi^y
of hearing about the divme and human nature of our ascended
Lord, and may say to my wicked heart, - Begone unbeHef "
since such a Saviour is held forth in Scripture being born in a
manger and hving such a life of spotless obedience, whfn tempted
and ridiculed despised, and knowing that he must' be barbarSy
crucified on the cross and suffer all these indignities for a wS
like me ; he became poor that I might be mad? rich. Wh^Lve
?riinrr^d'Tr" '''^^^^^i''^ •' ^ -y ^oul, ever adore the
traune God, and may he make me a bold soldier of the cross '
June o.—A deep solemnity pervades my mind on account of a
variety of circumstDnces. A beloved young female was vidav
boEr *' '\T?^ ^^"^^' '^ '^' ''^^ r anotherroCS
healthlrr ' ^'^ '^ l«"guislnng-her cLe very doubtful as to
health (he same one spoken of in one of the foregoing pages last
&V/h'.r^ '' ^•"'^^'^"'^^^/P°'^ ^«^- ^ that she my vi^w
rZlh • !? *T"°*^^ ^*' ^^^ ^°1"»«^«« i" t^e divine will ! How
repeated is the admonition-" Be ye also ready." Dving is but
going home to a behever ; how swe^t are the accents, ^^
" Jesua can make a dying bed
Peel soft as downy pilfows are."
i'l:
P
36
rL ^J^^ir!^:^!^'^ i-ichl^ stored with all spi.
return to mother dust vvhiirt'-' '^ '"' *^' ^°^^ «^""ld
on high nnd re^p Tptn i ful h™^^^^^ ^'l ""'l ''^' '' ^^^^s
the heart in n.o.'t.lity / l" W J ^^""'^^'^^0 seed sown in
Yea hi,s long suire.in^excet. Is JI LSir'';' '" '^''' ^^ «^7 ««"1^
is unbounded to n.o a .inm-r ^ ""'"^ expectations, his love
thc;^'::,:;,-^^^^:!;^!;-™ -^,^^^^^ ,,^,,,,, ^^^
precious promises, that by these ye m?.brK'''''''"!- ^'^"'"^ "»^
divine nature jKivinrr escLdth/l ^^. bo partakers of the
through lust." what a mo,lv ^7?''°" ^^''' '« '" ^»>« ^orld
Gospel wor.;np,-tha;''l arris'L-5;;l LZn'^l.^^ '^^"^
have counted not their lives dear unlnii! I r'^'^'' ^^^'^''S that
to the cause of Christ have es^ned th^ ^ '.' ^''' '^'^ ^''^
reached Burmah's shores wkh I i "f '"' '^ *^^ ^^^'^^^ ^'^d
looking forward with d i JlntLpairs ,f /"^^^-Sf^-t and
name of the holy chil I Jo., «° „"7^P'^^^o"3 to see good done in the
ter ages falling y^cthn to 1 '3^'":?'"*^ ' T'^ ^"^ ^^ese lat!
fering severe punishm nt n'ri »le dTtt''-'''.-'^??' '^"^ «"f-
they shall have to encounter aZn^ 1- r^ f'^'^l""^ ^"«^^ ^vhat
reflection cheers my Zp „' sXltf fS\'^ "'''°"^ •' ^"^ ^^^'^
>vhat has Zion to fear? May^thK^il 1 ^'^''"' ^^ '"'«' ^^d
"In the multitude of my th'Lh s with n fu^' '^ '"^ ^'^'^>
my soul." ^ inougnts within me, thy comforts delight
eyetTre'^TpSstat J;"' '"" *^^f *-« forth and for
been in very deed Tv !S .• "'^ ''""'°''*^^ «0"1 ^as this day
ted to the cWe of reLftavl?? F" T'""''^ '^ '^^ ^evS^
commemorating the sSg^ nd'dl^^^^^^^^^^ TP^""'*^ ^^
Saviour. We had a dpH.ri.ffti " ? * °"^' ^'^^^^^ ^^ord and
was administered to a c'nd t! ,r '''"'' ^''*^'-^^:^- baptism
discourse deliverLl fronf h tjs^^^^ '""^ «n appropriate
day there shall be a root o f C ^l u ^Tf}""'^^ " And in that
ofthepeople;tort" llHh'T^^^^^^^^
glorious " What a multitude of pvieS-' Wh^^' '''' '^f ^
fulness? Lead me, Lord in fhl lofP ; . Where is my thank-
name's sake; subieit me to th n ^ \''^ righteousness for thy
have a singl^ eyeT thy Xv ^ ^°u' u'"^ ^^^"S'^' ^"^ may I
short of it° that I myfefrL '^^ ^^'"^ ^"^^i^'y
us in our little Zion. ^ '"' ^°^ ^^^^ "^ ^ truth dwell among
la^Sg Go!pdfn^n^^^^^ *^« --d of the eyer-
course was delivered from tW^wf 'T'^lv " ^issio^lry dis-
I am full, having recX^d nf f tf ' i'.^"^* ^ ^^^^ all and abound :
, aving received of Epaphroditus the things ^hich were
li
ored with all spi*
t tho body should
nil sour to worlds
' tho seed sown in
thco, rav soul ?
notations, his love
•
'' delivered from
ceding great and
)artakers of the
t is in tho world
•niitted to attend
'hilo others that
e love they boro
f tho ocean, and
3urageraent and
;ood done in the
y in these lat*
"etters, and suf-
zed know what
ons ! But this
3 do rule, and
of my heart,
omforts delight
e forth and for
has this day
ed to be devo-
'pportunity of
lear Lord and
ay. Baptism
in appropriate
' And in that
for an ensign
I rest shall be
Jismythank-
isness for thy
Q, and may I
ne amazingly
dwell among
of the ever-
jsioattry dis-
and abound ;
which were
37
sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice accentaWp
well pleasmg to God." A handsome eillectiorwas mSfo;
almost tho first attempt; but in comparison to what is contributed
m other parts of the world, it is incteed very small Tlowcve^i
hope each one will consider, that ho that givett to tho poor lendeth
_ to the Lord, and that ho that dcviseth^liberal things, by iS
things shall ho stan.l in future. The gold and the s Ivor L the
• .t^^fr^'^y^^g^lJand silver dust b'e handed downllun
dance here and m every place. What aid should be rendered ?o
missionaries who feel it in their hearts to spend and be spent in
the service of our adorable Redeemer in proclaiming the r eh i^
pel of salvation, in heathen dimes, for many ore^erishing^or
ack of knowledge ! that Zion's borders may be increas Jthat
(.od may be sanctified in the heathen when he^shall gather them
out of the countries wherein they have been scattered. God even
tho High ^od of Jacob, who sits upon the circles of the earth
and the inhabitants thereof are counted to him less than nothW
and vanity, " giveth power to the faint, and to them that have n?
might he mcreaseth strength." Let this be comfortin» tefore the
thoagh painM dS " '^' S"'"'""'' bj ^s satisfying
eigh«UTet'^'^ut'"w''f- .^™ *'» •'"J »'««d "Ponmy
stumbling-Uo^^in £ tot „f „!, '''°^'''° '^" ^ l"™ P-'O'ed »
looking fp to .ie feTetaSrrjlX'tTf' •*"'-|
peace to be communicatP(1 tn 4^,1, a i x "o*^*^' ^^^®' J^J and
that it may sW Te lltrtif TtTt f."^ ^^^^*'
Willing to become a fool L rS i ^ 5^'°^ ^ ^^^^^^^ *o be
might be all in dl. ^^"'* ' '^^^' *° ^^ ««tJ^°g, that he
d^e^yin^^t^e^T^^^^ to so i^^ am I,>^W
titudes of obstructSs^to S/J 1"^* '^'^°*?' ^ ^^" ^s nmlT
are few, at the S h„f 3 ."?7 devotional exercises, which
busyUfewiUinnf;,^ ^*^°^* *^'"'' *^« entertainment of a
irS fi" rhavrbei: hS.''""^ ^Z"^' "^!; y'^'^ *^« «-'
uncle Handley cl^lX^lZl^:^^^^^^^
face and I was troubled " OthlTi ' ^,^ ^*^^* ^ide thy
insensibihty and the litn« Zl rT ""^"^ distressed for my
course, ly tL ^^eaf S^^^^^^^^ f ^T "'^u^ ^^ "^^ «^«*i*«
aa a green ohCl^ef fn Ku'e thXTIt"' *^ T'? ?"^
in the divine life. ^ "^ ™^Sht grow and thrive
these worV^^He that wlLr.T"-^^ "''"^"^ ^^"^^^^^ from
"A tnin wjL j V ^r'^^'b with wise men shall be wise"
watchman. SuVfaonJ^i ''^ '""f "'"»,'b« ''°«y of a f^thful
Aegraoeof G.A^Sfu "J^tott ^ tL^'»^? ''^ '"l '^
of fflorv wliir>Ii fa/U*;. i. oeatn, and then receive a crown
mercy. ^"^® *^ '^hnst and accept of offered
•d and my fellow
npon my heart ;
for me before the
by his satisfying
entered upon my
icted towards the
Jtion of the Holy
irthday? Can I
? Have I never
— if not by open
I have proved a
al souls who are
;ht, life, joy and
es of my heart,
ak I desire to be
nothing, that he
> am I,>riiftniag
f to pay ; num-
as well as mul^
exercises, which .
srtainment of a
r yield the soul
day by my dear
I didst hide thy
stressed for my
in my christian
afe to make me
;row and thrive
the ^courts of
delivered from
U be wise" —
urae was truly
y of a faithful
eve he will by
sceive a crown
-day felt some
the riches
ept of offered
59
August 6.-What fresh desires these words create in my
breast--! am my beloved's and his desire is towards me .""^
VVhat renewed love and gratitude should it arouse to be asjured in
S;!'!i. u ^^1.^^®'^ other argument, that Christ's care and
love to the church is so manifested in the strongest terms. Oh
how unworthy of the smiles of Him whose countenance is aa
Lebanon, excellent aa the Cedars ! Lord, lift thou up the light
ot thy countenance upon me. °
oJZf'''^ 14.-Yesterday I attended a conference meeting. I
fonnTtf^ / w ^ P'r°^' ^ °^y ^o'^l as I have forSeriy
found them, and what was the reason ? Is it not obvious 7 Havl
not my sms separated my God from me? But I think I felt
S 1^' -T. '^'}^^ ^L^^ ^'''' I ««"ld tell a git ded
Tod.^^T '^.'''''^/^^^^"l^'"'^*' ^"* I forbear at this time.
St'hr«r'tf^.TTrA^^ '^' ^ of the comTuS
til! if if K ^''"^ - 9^""^^ '^'^^ ""^^^^^ tl^eir Father?
board if It had the samgiffect upon all- that it-had upon me md
I hoptf to a greater jpg^I do believe it was benefiS 6 T^
privileges of ^e^s Supper to the believ^?^ to 4om the Lorf
has granted strength to follow him in his ap^inted instiSitior^
I trust the great institution of it will enable me to watch and Zv
henceforth more..than I have ever done; to cleave un o Wm S
more earnestness and zeal, that I may be guid^ by Ws snSt
directed by has counsel, and afterwards"^ received to glory thr^^^^^
the^Sei?^'FnwT- wtf ^""^ '^'.'^^^"S ^'' *^« consolations of
(^ thXu /n\ *^® provision of heaven for such rebels
jfhntw ?'"'' °^-?°^ ^'") ^^"^""'^ the throne and digni 'v of
The^et lt7°^"«hed with, on their way to the celesS world
-I no poet says for our encouragement,
" And if you want more grace
He'll not refuse to lend." '
hon^^^!^A^^'~^?^''■^ ^,^^^ weather I could not visit the Lord's
house to-day, which is indeed a privation I seldom cx-^ri^nr.
feherel^PP''''^'*^ my privileg'es as I go alongr^d Se S
MntoJ 1Z.Tj7^^T.1 ""f"^^^ ^^ 'J^P^'^-g from he
uving ijoa. I think I have shuddered at the thought of living in
^
40
Till all ,ts powers and passions move '
^ '""Siting grief and ardent lo7e.''
matcEflo?e'^i*S?J^««^^to and adore God for his
tance among the saints in Lht Id Z^ '■''' ^^'^.^ "^^ ^ ^^^eri-
of sin and Satan. Why am I To^ f'^"""g^«from the slavery
(for his service is peS MomT^T?^^ J"^- ^^ ^"^^ "^g^*.
making melody wiSmyhS? \,Tf thankg i and prayer
chase ?f Christ's blocS^and^ J = i ^'''''^^^ *^^* ^ ^"^ the pur-
pidity and lukewaxmne'ss ? iL'^'l t'T^f -^ ^imeinL-
of it all. ^ ■ ^^^^' ^y wretched heart is the cause
"2 "2b '''^l'''®'"y«°»' constrain
TL?^?^%'f"'"'°^'°^« again;
S5r«:sKr2?God.^
pre^Kom^hTir^^^^^^ sermons
the Lord; ascribe ye greatness uht^ Gol^' ^"t^^ ^'^^ ^^^^
Lord was of a trutfi set on high and si>r^i;" ii 1^^ f^'^ ^^ t^e
ascnbe greatness unto God fhC «S ^ " •*^' ^^^«"^ed «»ust
prepared them to sit under hkl^lf2 '' ""'^ ^^^^^' ^^o
God, thou knowest my fooliswt ^ ^Jt great delight.
habitation whereunto I may contSuairr; ^""[^^ 1^°^ ^7 strong
commandment to save me for thor.T ^'°'V ^^^'^ ^^^t giver!
September 5.-Yesterday I I . ^ ?,'^ '^^ ^^ ^^^^^ess
tance from home in our wSrJ d S^P^^"^.^°^«^■p «* a dis-
conference meeting); it wSeed ^rll Z''?^ t^' day previous,
was permitted to S^aii me bit mv hl^- ^'t ^^T* ^^« enemy
caused the tempest to TuGe 7e the It'"'' ^ "«"^^ ^^^^^ve^
The text was, «' All thin^ ^Ln i . ,^®"°^» ^^s ended
that love God toThem Z Sf.X? *'^1^^" ^°^*g°«« ^ them
The latter text wrtWs < Ve wf ^ 'T^^'^^ ^ ^'« P"rpo«e.^
now have returned unto the Shephe^ Z^-^l ^'''''f ^'«^3^' but
They were both delightful serSs and f !'^? ?^ ^""^ «°"J«-"
the word came with lower rmvWf S J'^^^^^J^ *^^ '^'^^d;
out a doubt. May it not Tettn iid ' ' Mv *' T^ ''^'''' ^^'h-'
inj aa much as common. Se Lord's SiL^'"'^ "^"^ °"* ^^"d«^-
Jed-precious privilege! Oh that ll ^^u '''^.'°'"'»«"><>ra.
for his goodness, and for hk wnnLf ? 'T^*^ P^^ ^^e Lord
nien. Jhou, o'GocI, knowfst ll£ T^ *" *^^ ''^"'^'•«« of
' ^®" ^ ^'e^'^^e to be consecrated tathy
of the deceitfoluei
sa
•art,
>art;
ve
»>
adore God for his
jiving me an inheri-
me from the slavery
>d day and night,
giving and prayer,
that I am the pur-
of my time in stu-
heai't is the cause
ng two sermons
Wish the name of
'he name of the
le redeemed must
over Israel, who
reat delight.
js of heart from
> thou my strong
thou hast given
md my fortress,
vorship at a dis-
) day previous,
re. The enemy
[ verily believe,
on was ended.
)rgoc«l tothem
his purpose."
ng astray, but
>f your souls."
y the second ;
y others, with-
as not wander-
i commemora-
Mse the Lord
iie children of
Jcrated to thy
41
service, to honor thee in my day and generation : may I loatk-
KyinTs^W '' ^" ^^' '''-' ''' ''^' ^^' nghtcLnoro'f
September 10.— 1 have had but few changes through the nast
Is It a dead slumber that I am so contented with, or is it a coml
Fw .riT' '" '^l """^ 'i ^'^'''^^' ' I ^^"Id'fain faintly hope
trtb!i'**''''''*^''"''^'^r8^ I ^^^« t«« «^«ch reason to
fear the former, on account of the intricate designs of my potent
adversary and the easy compliance of my depraved naturrwith
his suggestions) ; this I can say, I have realized Tre fervency n
prayer than I have for some time before, and an increased de^iJe
after holmess. To be led by the spirit of God is my cS' des ie
" Vl^^ '"°'"® ^^^ Ireacheroiia calm I dread,
inan tempests bursting o'er my head."
fpfomber ll.--To-day witnessed Baptism administered to
three candidates, who are in the judgment of charity fit sXct^
to be admitted mto the visible Chuk^One is a bl Iw 3h
he hke myself, felt the scriptures of eternal truth to be the firsi
and greatest means of his awakening. Various arP tL i^o„
r^thrwalsVrii^'^ r,^^^^^^^^^
oS Visl rL 1 ''"'^ ^^ ^°^ ^'^ judgments past finding
Ws ;o7d shall ?^ a!lT ""V' P''?'*' ^'^^ ^« ^^« d««I-red that
Seer' Oh tht tW^' ^''i'' ^ ^""^"^^^ *^ b^««k the rock in
sS stretch fortl ?A f^ ^Y r^,«^°^ «°«^« ^^en Ethiopia
snail stretch forth her hands, and all shall know the Lord from
the least to the greatest ! We had an interesting and wSinabk
discourse preached to us from this text, - Open yf ?he S that
the nghteous nation which keepeth the truth may ent^r^^' Oh
J! J^^li'^T? ^^'^"^'' ^^ '^' g^^«« «f God, bVunspotted from
the world, that I may not cast stumbling blocks in theS
September 14.-This evening attended prlyer me!^ ng • the
tCHol?^ -? ^i^*V«^r^ grace, I trust! were the d ctetes tf
SySfoS' t'i,^""* •^'^ *^' '*?^ "^ "•y ^"d « ^ low to en oy
any comtort. The yarn entertainments of this world how SpJ
Mm
Nil! I
42
to the glory of God. ' ""^ ^'^*'*"^' ^ ^°^Prove theni
the'JLt-eLtllTy^^^^^ ^^-g'^ occupation from
.s too much the £ a Ser^art Jt^ 't ''"P» ^1««' '^'
to religion is the^ocLf of thf^^^^^^^^^^ But\v^'* ^" ^"^"^
assert before God that I heart Iv St w !i,^ conscience can
in the wilderness. Oh tharev^rrS ^^ '*?'"'^'^ ' ^"* ^ ^«»
good of my immortal soul and U^^^^ ^'"^^^ *^ *^«
sweeter. ' ^® "^^ '®*^>'«<1 moments the
on ^t ^^~^n^Z 'C"! • „„'^™ 'P*-'. *« ""y »' kome
sr »„s jj; til ^^-nrr ^'^' ^^"
that the trying of mv faith n^!^ 1 i *^ "^^^""^ temptations,
dear pastor (who has beea absent tJo ^HT^iT^'^Pr"
CT; r tir^X t»r^'^ *-'
highlv fevored town ! AgS,Srt rffW.t^ '*°?'°' ""^^
g^aciong, while other ^SlTJlt^XoU: Z^L^^
Wreciate their &^ ^" *"" " ""^ *" '"1 rigMj
upon lus own terms, that thereby they mafL ma^T L?^'""?
have too long risen (as it wer«^ in nnZ.r ^^ oe made holy. I
and have b^n striSl Sy^^^^^ ^ *^m« ^f God,
has brought darkness Sto^'Li^d.^hXt S^wLT*^ *^
me pardoning renewing, and^anctifying J^* % 7"^^'
dishonor m blessed name bv this sin Afc^wW L~, ^'J" ^"'^
f^h,.
43
un. My privileges,
le to improve them
j's occupation from
»pa^. Alas, this
. What an enemy
my conscience can
lerwise ; but I am
sanctified to the
ired momenta the
t the day at home
cies to record, no
'? Yes, I think I
helper. May he
ivers temptations,
patience. " The
mptation."
, and I trust, pro-
preaching by our
m this comforting
nant with them,
good ; but I will
depart from me."
from above; the
vinced the happy
3 people, in this
le we have stated
y destitute. Oh
mility as with a
that will rightly
preaching from
5d-" "Verily,
gdom of heaven
ras indeed close
ich soul hearing
r Christ, ofered
made holy. I
e ways of God,
ibelief, and this
>d would grant
i°t i. tBijv not
' God have we
Ad before him
when once he is angry ? Who would not be willing, methinks to
sacrifice their lives, to be at last found in him not haX'on
of LT "g^'«^"«?ff ..b«t that which exceeds the righteousness
of the Scribes and Pharisees ? But alas the carnal heart is not
subject to the law of God, neither indeed can it be, till ' Wrehrn
grace strikes the blow." ' sovereign
AWemAer 16.--Was this evening unexpectedly privileged with
hearing the beloved servant of God spoken of above, prfach the
doctrines of the cross to the satisfaction of many in trchurch
from these words, ''Whom shall he teach knowlllge, and whSm
shall he make to understand doctrine ? them that are^ leaned from
the milk and drawn from the breasts." He showed clearlvth^
ZT^'Xf r "^'^^^"S on to know more of the LorfjesrChrfs?
and his blessed ways ; it rejoiceth our hearts that salvation cometh
only from thee, the Lord our God. I feel this evening to say I have
peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 0, 1 ioy to heir
the doctnnes of the Gospel which are contrary Vo oi/ corrunt
natures, extolled and spoken of judiciously. ^Oh for a S
nghtly prepared to look beyond the creature to the cltor and
^rir?/ ' SaZl^"""" *^- -y.gift beneatffisrif'
j.'sov&moer ly. — oabbath evening. How Viiwlilw !»<.„« t \.^
privileged this da, ! I have ™ted=«p«„ ftKlXL^me ST
oully m lus aanoto^, aad heard tie above' mSed^StSter
CtXtl'^lLl^™*-'^ " "^Sht to my feet"t^
lamp 10 my patn. ihe sermon was instructive and demanda nn,.
close attention. This evening heard him prSTery cbselv and
yet plainly from tnis passage, « If any man be TS g tl
new creature; old things L passed away, a^d all tWngs are
become new." It was well calculated to sfiew i^ple wSun
dation they were on. for a heart to praL^f G^ . t?d
on Thv iZLY.'^f * ^^ ^^ '^^^^'^g <>" *^J^ fithfless and
on thy fulness, that I may be in a capacity to say,
« Tis by the faith of joys to come
.rp^** ^*"^. ^™"gn desertB dark as night :
1 ill we arrive at heaven our home,
Faith la our guide and faith our light."
tiviS'^r 't'~^Z ^*<>»i«W»g tJ^at my mind is no more cap-
thltYrnnf f\ ^^''"''^* «^"'y ^^ *^« ^^^ J«s«s Christ, aSi
Oh f W .r t "^r ^^^^^ for the welfare of poor siniers •
^uaW^^ solemn Heavens would bow, that the mo^ntei^ St
quake and saints be actuated to duty, that souls may ^iy^ to
the gospel trumpeters for their hire ; ^d may the Ioye7f Tkfi!
upon wod that will enable me to join inth the poet— ^
m
44
lL.il!
WJjilo Jesus is witliin,
was from being righ 1 y eSeJ I on.^fi ^°^'^^'' ^^' "^^ "^'°d
God. Uv mind waa in some meaauS SLI • ' *''• ''^'* "P^'^
scenes, when the Lord mml^^r^h ^^P}^y^^ ^" reviewing past
power upon the hea^^^^ of ^l Ltr^rff '^T^ '^ ^' «-^^«g
constrained to cry out -This TsZln ]^''/^^^''' *^^* ^« ^^rf
vellous in our eyes " An/r-nJl ^""""^ ' ^°^°S' ^^^^ ^t" mar-
not crowded as t^hey were tir Oh Z?r 'J '^^^««* ^igh are
help of his afflicti people L ^tt ^°^ T'^^? '^"^^ ^^^ the
corrupt natures. ^ ^ ' "* P^^^^e away the dross of their
yeaf hT-rst tmSLl\ri?m s J^ ^"l"^^"*^ ^^ «-ther
that I could improve mv\Sn ^"'^^ ' "^^""^ ^ "^^rcy ! Oh
Three years ha?e ekpS since I humblv T ^ i^V '' ^^^ '
and glory saw me in tL Snen fielTnf^ •""'*' f"^ ^^^^ ^^ ^^
said unto me, " live " I havfi.. ''"'°' *^^ P^^^ed by and
ness, the long-sufflSng kindnes^nf ^t'^'^u ^ P*^^ '^^ faithful-
claim against the evl LpliZ of ^^t '''^.^^".^ ^ ^^^« *<> ^x-
that so often has led me ??om God buf T wf ?;*^i ^^''''^^ ^^*".
God, for in the Lord JehoTh is eierlainrji ^ 'T' *" ^'""'^ ^^
I can say this day, my soul L^crutht t^t^^^^^^^^^
ven IS drawing nearer Oh T iinrv« «? V. , ' ^ *^®' that hea-
when I affirm^ that God? decre?L^[vJ'r' ^"'^ "°* ^""'^'^ ^^
race, has been a feast of L thL^ nf :^. ""^' ^^ ^^7 of the fallen
fined to my soul this dl^ wS'ltZl Z '\ ^^\^^" ''-
under a sense of my short com inV nP vT ^®®" humbled
in the divine life, 1 feel much £' / ""^ ?*?" ^'^^ ^^ energy
sober, be vigilant, Vor your advei^rvT f -^'^ ^^^^«' " ^
roaring lionfseeking wChfraTSLt''"^' ^°^*' ^^°"* ^ ^
actiorShe^-^^^^^^^^^ and called up to
mingled with fire, and themlh./ hJ i '* T^® * ^^a of fiass
it,
>ged with meeting a
►wever far my mind
it was with sweet
r life, to wait upon
d in reviewing past
ions of his saving
)lace, that we were
'ing, and it is mar-
the Most High are
^ould arise for the
;he dross of their
month of another
at a mercy ! Qh
he glory of God !
;, the Lord of life
nd passed by and
Jxtol the faithful,
lile I have to ex-
J, deceitful heart,
desire to trust in
igth; and I hope
; I feel that hea-
s not deceive me
my of the fallen
the lees well re-
i been humbled
zeal and energy
se words, " Be
joeth about as a
d called up to
i a sea of glass
rictory over the
over the num-
? the harps of
wnb, &c., &c."
i>rd .' Oh that
t, that I might
ly beings who
uid mode the
4^
favorites of God. Oh that the positive injunction that is ^v.n i.
chnstians to come out from Babylon and C nnrn!?f V S»^®° *°
conference, and hca? the ctern" whs ^ SV™? ,' T*' "?
canse, by the merc^ power of iut^^hfyV^rV" ""' ^"^
l!" 'I i
IM i'
i)l;;,:l|!j
4G
earth to witness the burning lovo thou hast to ih^ r ^
his goodness and for his wotn^rJ^lH. :? ^ R'Jdecnier for
sons and daughterofldam i 0^^^^^^^^^ ^°' "'^ *' *^° ^'^'^^^
inoro constant and Ife'Creaso^'d tr Sv^'rhtT:? "''S
seeing ho liath done such ffreat t LinL r ^ * *° ^^^^^ ^^
When in prayer to AlmM tv^Po, fi- ^' ^""^ ""^ '"""^'"^^^ soul 7
and glory of iSs ImZ tinf ? ' ^""^ ^ """'* ^^^ *« ^^o praiso
to the hope of cve;Ci,t Li ^°^?°^ ^^ ^"^^^°' ^^ ^^^Hed
ness, butCrely £S Z ''' ^ot through my own worthi-
inco^prehcnsTbfo dSff it ^^"''1 T^ T!;'^ ^^ ^° tho
path o'f life m^ttVc'pSLteS S ' Oht 1 f ^'^^ *^^^
in duty ! But whv is it flmTr f„i i-„. ''" ""'^ direction
close o-f Ho ycJXrml m^v it '°- '"""/TP"""''™ »' *o
Bin, sinco I entcrod upon thS vo^J r?^? • ""l^'inons poison,
fiiotion of sin, dcliverTo CjitL i .'f *","?'' *'«' »'»P«-
e»d will and'pIe..Z,12" C^TeL'ZlLT '^ "■?!
aiigence to malco my calling oud Son su™ "wT . ^J" °"
^d yestoriajr two were e Juder Whm sLll the «^„Tj''T'
nune eyes affect mv heart » C\T- if °^ Jerusalem '« and
answeredrteSh]U./r' '^ W ''°« "^^ f-JJj
PuMnrhin"' I S-^""??! <^y- ^^'P™-' of attending
Snrt „f ^i P'l. • ™™ K"™" *"" «■" «o my Borrows the iZ*
^^rt.^of them bemg contained in the foUowlgTS tC
" How seldom do I rise to God,
Or taste the joys above ;
A "ountain presses down my faitJv
And chills my flaming love."
tly Redeemer (or
0, and to tho falleft
e was more intense,
ought to love God
ay immortal soul 7
, my mind was led
'• I enjoyed in God
t say to tho praiso
ered with joy, and
) described. Sine©
ry, and the only
imino, and that I
leaven, and called
li my own worthi-
7 of God. the
>d ! Oh that the
for holy direction
>mpunction at the
hort comings, for
venomous poison,
rough tho stupe-
ark in me all thy
time and give all
. What strange
lin these twelve
is diminished by
irch triumphant,
he time come for
lishment of thine
he will no more
ivers of waters
Jerusalem "and
lorify thyself by
ig or short, then
snger to dislodge
I in thy likenesa
bias been ful^
d of attending
rows, the
pur-
irerse. I shall
47
And my soul criei unto God in this—
" Dear Saviour, steep this rock of mine
m tnme own crimson sea :
None but a bath of blood divine
Can melt the flint away."
studies each u±aS thoir^ oT ?"'""'*"'' """"iOM m,
/am/flrry 26.— Sabbath evenin'T Wava »«««* ♦!, j .
retirement ; cnioyed some n Jarn«£* JrA • P®°* *^® ^^^ '» sweet
or rather felt a'^sCSnr«Z> .?'^ '"^ ^'/^'' *^"« ^«™°ff,
the Lord's goodness to m? an LrniT' ^'''^ ^^«°^«"«« ^^
application ?f these lines? ' '^"P'^ofit^We servant, and felt the
" God will not always chide,
And when his strokes are felt,
jectert to bhrisfs yoke™ (1 re?™ f^f r*" ^ T™ ""^ ™« ™b-
Christ, and honorS TmyTi ^ ^ '^='7 /""J i- tho cn>« of
Jaminn, OT CT i ^..V '"'" generation.
appTar r metolT "^'^^l^, ^^^^--^ij^g ^^ this passage
neither shall thy Any mo,^ t .1^ TP ^ *'™«^ ^o^^ken,
be called Hephzibah aShTL^ l "^'u ^Z'"^^*®' ^"* t^o« s^al
in thee." Oh hat Th^l ?^tl ^'?'^^' *^" ^^^ ^^'^ delighteth
if I had, my Ll wUdt aV&t tU^^^^^ f ? ' "^^^^^
compassionate God who Uiht^^f T ^°^® *"^ adoration of a
word from me, wSch so often hi t'^'^f ,"^^by taking his holy
a nail in a sirrplace! anTch^er^^^^^ nponm|mindaJ
creased my faith to hopi afreshTpo^ T^"'^ spirits, and in-
ments an/obstacIes7my tav Th« 17*^- ' "^^^^ discourage-
such a comfort to me wh^nSsed bv ?""^''^S passage has been
not having and shewing «nffll-! / *.^®^^ """^ ^^^^ relative of
to me by the L of n^f u^al '^^^^^^^ '*^'?r f"' *^^« "^^^J ^Uied
ing it-i' HearSn irlf tT "^"^^ ^^'^^^ ^^<^^
ear; forget also tLe own nil' /.r^^®''' *"d incline Siine
the Kin|greatVrXeTS/r^ ! "^c ^^J ^^^^^^'^ *^°«se ; so shall
*ou hii.'^ S^ce n;^^^^^ and worsWp
vcuaan, w© »bo?e passage has been a some of un-
ill
mi
j I III <
;i
Bi!
48
4
speakablo joy and consolation to my immortal soul. " Bless the
Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits.'' Oh thaTl felt
LTfS[ht?ll?"'"'''V"^ '^PP^^^"^^^ of evil and had
more taath to put an unreser^ed trust in the Friend of sinners'
earth. ^"° ""P^^ ""^ ^""^ '^^ *^« ^^tions of the
' February 4.— Sabbath day. Once more enioyed the sweet
Sft\^'^^' ^/^T? '^ '^''' Sabbaths fromTe housn
l^J 'T^ *^' wholesome instructions of the pure Goll
I could say it was sweeter to me than my natural food when these
XcreZttV"",'TrT'' " I'^'y'^' your conVelln":
?^u or S«iV \^Tt ""^ ^?"'*' *^^* *^"er I co^'O and sec
fn Le snh^f l??r* ^ "^"^ ^'"-^"^ jour affairs, that ye stand fast
GoZr^ Ob io "'"'vT^'^'IV'l^ ^'^'^^'' f°r the faith of the
Sbmii^hJ^i. ""t "^' thankfulness possesses my heart for the
tofrTfW /'^^/^^•^'"P'™^^^^^ ^^^^Pyl what^reason have I
to fear that stupidity is too constant a compinior of mine !
,/'t%^'y^^T^''^'i^y^'^Vr'yilegod with hearing an ex-
cellent Sermon dehyered from this important passage, ''To them
Who by patient continuance in well-doiig seek for dory ^000^
Detnere, it was truly a precious season to me, we were indeed
(hey that could bear it) fed with strong ^eet. Or thl go "^^^^^^^^
dL?hlf-'^"''t?'™S mortals in raising us up from the
depths of sin and making us heirs to an inheritance that fadeth not
away, and all tbs by the sufferings and death of the Son of God
" The Hill of Zion yields
A thousand sacred sweets,
Before we reach the heavenly fields,
Or walk the golden streets."
Lord make me patient humble, and docile, more persevering in
tWpd \t' ^Y '^' *rt °^'^. '"'"^ ^^«« I «l^a" be fully au-
March 1.— I have been enabled to arise from the bed of slum-
ber at an early hour. I feel that I have too long indulged in that
known .m. f want to deny self and all ungodliness, and I think I
fi! ^^P«"f^«e^ some of the good effects which proceed from it in
two particulars,-m being (at intervals) abstemious in my food,
■ Srfi 5 } .^^""^ ^IT° ^ ^^^' ^^ o^ly at intervals) in leaving
the bed of sloth. Oh how little do I and many of my dear feHo-?
haveners to the celestial world, know pf the h^appy ^ons^ume;
of being conformed to the cross of Chriflt ! O'ar blessed laTiour
soul. "Bless the
;s." Oh that I felt
Je of evil, and had
Friend of sinners !
11 down the season-
: the nations of tho
enjoyed the sweet
irom the house of
' tho pure Goopel.
il food, when these
ir converaaticn be
r I come and see
, that ye stand fast
"or the faith of tho
3 my heart for the
irhat reason have I
' of mine !
bi hearing an ex-
issage, "To them
or glory, honour,
rm it was good to
, we were indeed
Oh the goodness
g us up from the
ice that fadeth not
the Son of God.
Ids,
> persevering in
ng of Kings and
hall be fully au-
live, yet not I,
10 bed of slum-
indulged in that
3, and I think I
oceed from it in
IS in my food,
als) in leaving
my dear fellow
J consequences
lessed Sayiour
49
arose a great while before it was day, and went'into a desert place
and there prayed. Oh that all who desire to imitate his examole
may go and do bkowjse ! I profess to be his follower, but alas, my
conduct does not comport with tho high appellation; werolhia
meek and humble follower, decidedly so, what greater indisnities
should I meet with, and how sweet would be tho consolation within
my own breast ! I trust I feel an ardent desire to seek for that
commuiuon with God in secret, which will cause fruits to abound
outwardly in humilitv. Two days since, I visited one of our be-
loved sisters, and an highly esteemed member of the Church, who is
confined to a bed of languishing, racked with excruciating pain
proceeding from a cancer, which has spread through all her system •
but she IS certainly an example of patience and resignation (she
has not entered her nineteenth year, and has not been joined to the
Church but two years) ; she is, blessed be God, happy in her soul,
and enjoying foretastes of heaven. Thus, thought I, is the happi-
ness and comfort of the soul experienced in the last struggles of
dissolvmg nature, by being obedient to the commands of the King
ot heaven and keepin- the garments unspotted from the world-
ana that God who has promised never to leave nor forsake his peo-
ple, now supports this dying saint j she would often cry out with
the poet — '
" See the kind Angels at the gate
Inviting rae to come ;
There Jesus the forerunner waits
To welcome travellers home."
Mav I be led to follow her as she followed Christ, though it may
be by ehmmering hopes and gloomy fears I tread the sacred ro J.
Lord make me to dweU under thy shadow, that I may revive as
the corn and grow as the vine, that when I come to die I may give
up my account with joy and not with grief j and on this first day
of the month may I begin to feel more the importance of living
unto thee and not to myself Lord teach me, for I am ignorant.
Mirc/i 19.— Lord's day morning. Every thing in creation
speaks forth the beauty and glory of an incomprehensible God.
Uh that my soul may be visited by the warming and enUvening
^ams of the Sun of righteousness! Thou knowest, bless^
baviour, that I stend in great need of it, while I am allowed the
privilege of entering thy earthly temple. bestow upon me a
tone worshipping spirit, that I may give myself up to thee, know-
ing that thy blessed spirit can instruct me to hear and understand
aright. Laat babbath I was permitted to hear our dear shepherd
jpeak from these words, " The law of thy mouth is better unto
me, than thousands of gold and 8Uver"-"The path of the just
sluneth brighter and brighter unto the perfect day." I tnnt I
50
Sunday cvmw - Lull S "^ " j""? »"'' ^t"" "round me.
«l.ero I again «.', l,i,"rfar'd 1 7"" ■'^"l"'? '"'™ »f <^oi,
Y»t delivers) „y ,'„„, fro^mo otX?'" XfaC T '^
almost overpowered me, or mv heart »n,l,l i ^' «*T''"7
gram-do for the wondeW of iLeemL k 'e "° ""''"«' ""''
in ^^'^fJr^^iyZZZho^T:^''^ IH '^^ « »«">«
of God's mereics are banished for If ' "' """i"''"'^ ""'' *»'■■"»'
degree from my heart and TfLl P'^ont time in some good
would not be a straS to for !ll T '"',T''"'=° "^ f"'* "hioh I
IK»r sinners ^.iTo™ drTnWn/L^ •«"'''■"' "fH"-- ^^ *"«
fitt^-s^r^idrSf^^?^^^^^
ing,^ttT^:;^Ltmbi:?^''t:s\r'"« *' -■>-
many; the state of our minds ^n. In !.!?? '^t''"'' "^"^^ ^ere
the truths delivered, as kno^n/thpmTf^^-^" ' ^ '^"^'^ "«^«»t *<>
but a feeling sense of ho powl- of ?.*^ ^' J"«*' ^P^ and right,
see that without the qutleCg nlet^^^^ ^^A^Y
soul IS, as it ^yere, a dry barren 7Zl t ^^^ ^P"''* ^7
g^ntce to enable me to urge my way on to tbr.^ ^^ ^i '"?P^'''' "^
The state of Zion in our land Tv^LL ^f^'^^^Y Canaan,
two years a-o NumhZ /w» ^^ '^^^'■^''* ^^^^^ what it was
%4to ch^r- 1 af dt:r t? e^:LZT^^^^^^^^ V r' ^^
fine gold has become dim. Oh that Z Tn., T', ''^^' *^ "^''«<^
arm and revive his own work in thV i.1 ? T^-"^ T^^ ^^'^ ^^^
extend it to Tjoor sinners ""^ ^' ^^^^^^°' a'^d
ha^^l^^l;;^^^^^^^^^^^ scene I
was to behold a bloom i VouS fwTolrV^ *^^^^^^^ ^'^'^
struggling with the monster ffh ^ a^ f ^^"^ ^^°^® *™e ill)
is, hf left no satitfrtrVttttefstt'^W^^^^^^^^
that he was received at the eleventh hour Lf Z ^^ ^°^ *""«*
was so great, that he could not tell whr^^ • 1,^.1^^°^,^^ ^^^
Vould my ar^xious soul enauW wtl ^ ""t.^^* ^^^® ^«^*- ^aiS
this is not for J - 1 i-^^"l^' ^^'*^'.^ ^^« % «Prit fled 1 But
do wroug?"'o no ' hn^a o""" ''^•"'' '"^^ °^ »" the earth
^os. y no, he haa a sovereigQ right to dispose of hia
felt Borne assurance
d sisters around me.
the house of God,
le delightful truths
;W3, "I will praise
I I will glorifvr thy
rardg me, and thou
But alas, stupidity
vc overflowed with
It the day at home
belief and distrust
;ime in some good
e of faith which I
Ophir. Oh that
as the thirsty ox
ere is in religion,
ge by his renova-
leeting this oven-
it our wants were
I could assent to
true and right,
nting. I plainly
Holy Spirit my
daily supplies of
?avenly Canaan.
Prom what it was
• their souls and
V, alas, the most
Id make bare his
s children, and
> solemn scene I
hink this morn-
ay mind, "God
trouble," lut I
some time ill)
'ends our hearts
hope and trust
agony of body
avefelt. Fain
ritfled? But
all the earth
^pose of bia
51
creaturej as he sees most fit. Give us all u iluo aubmission to thy
will, and an earnest desire that this affliction may be sanctified tJ
the good of our immortal souls ; may it bring Jeath near to our
""rale of God '^ ^'''^^ ^^^ ^^ removed by the all-conquering
April 7.— What a lively view does the horizon now present
when but a few hours ago, clouds of darkness veiled the skv
buch 13 his providence and mercy; often the Lord suffers clouds
, of trouble to surround us people, while he prepares light to shino
; out of obscurity. Oh that the overruler of all things would cause
i. i fn^rT* ^ T'^ ^''' ^' ^^" e^^''^^' (^^ J"«J^ doubtless
he will) for the effectual conversion of many immortal souls I
have too much reason to fear it has not left that impression upon
my mind which it necessarily should ; the only benefit I can dis-
cover that I have received from it is, I think I have felt strong
desires that it might be the effectual means of opening the eves of
some poor unenlightened sinner, that the axe might he laid to the
root ot the trees, that many may have reason to bless God for this
dispensation of his providence.
April 0.— Having taken a severe cold I could not attend the
house of worship, and our dear pastor, from the same indisposition,
was disabled from attending. Diseases of all kinds are ready U>
seize upon us, at the word of Jehovali , .\y it ia great mercy
shown unto us that we enjoy sue' measure of health as we do
Oh that such fevers might tend to lead us to Jesus, who suffered
so much that his people should be made partakers of an inheritance
where the inhabitants shall not say they are sick. I feel as if i
ought to be no other than a beggar at the footstool of sovereign
^rL /I "" T ^^ "^'-l '^^ ^^^ P'^^^"<^ t'°^« ; P'^t attainments
will not satisfy ; I want fauh to go to the fountain of life
April 21.— Death has again sounded a loud and monitory
^monition in our eais; within a few days two heads of families
were sumnaoned to appear before the impartial bar of God. Thev
have left their widows and numerous ofl&pring to mourn the loss of
endeared parents. To-day I went to'^the house of mourning
distress appeared in every couLtenance. Lord, may they be
mitiated into thy family, and - appoint unto them beautyVor ashes,
tne on ot joy for mourning, and the garments of praise for the
spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteous-
ness, the plantmg of the Lord, that he might be glorified.'' Hw
lit ^1^^ '' ^"""^ "' '^^ '^ '^ ^'^'^^ f«r surely we have
almost daily warnings to prepare to meet our God. Oh that chris-
tians mav hft more wo+«KA,l __J ^.(.,1 ... "^a^yiuio-
their divW Ma8"ter ^^'^ ^"^^^^'^' ^^^ ^' "^" ''"' **^
AprU 23.— Sabbath day. Once more I was penmttf;d, through
52
tor from thesiimportLwS " And^hpl / our beloved pas-
them that thej hi been wTth Jesus ''Vh^^^^^ Wledge of
trulj instructing, and sn^ TliruJ Vl^^T"^^ ^"^^ ^^re
the hearts of G(S''s pXtg LI^^^^^^ ^"ed on
paat life, I fear I have mv^r^hZv,,i^.^^^''^''Vonmy
take knowledge of me OhX a hear. I' ^^''^ ^'' >^°^^^™ *^
mj blessed Jesus ! '^' "^btlj exercised towards
peSd^7h^e:rle'^^^^^^^^^^ oj ^od, I .as
who has just entered his 20th ^^^^^/^^^^^^
and not a year since he was bronorW .T i , F ^^^^^ Harris,
and we cannot doubt butX Lsaft.lV' ''''?^^^^^ of the truth
seven months since he beln to 3 '""^l^^'' ^* " <>% ^bou
What wonders God has wruA/r ?v *^^ f^^rlasting gospel,
words he spoke from in thirS/werlte^^^^^ '. *^«
of the 39th verse of the 7th ChapTer of sf Tn'i, *^' ^-^ ^'^
afternoon from this striking pa2'' Wnlwu^"^ *^^
know not the day nor the ho^^ whe?ein thTst f'^'^'''^ *^°" ^^
He expatiated Welv upon thrnf^M %^?^ ^^ ^^ cometh."
much, Wy much,1'7edEtion aS^rofif'^*-" ^"^ Y'^S^°«' ^^^
vation of poor sinners an^Parl ?nT^ ^ ' ^'^ ^^^^ ^or the sal-
seems to b'e fired wfth b?ri ?d \n ?hf ^ •' '' t^ ^^^ -'^^
great and holy name : continutrml Wm' S^^ ^ZT '""^
hem honest upright, God-fearing Minister of the Pn!^? ^'t'"''^
but hope, I had a hearing ear to div 7n? 7^ ,P®*- ^ oan
a thirsty soul. But nasi and ^3' . -^ "'°'".® *^^ *^s, I trust,
praise /offer to th S GoveE ° thTrn'"'"' ^"^ *^^ "*«^
to overwhelm me. The rov^l Smi!! Universe, seems ready
to give thanks unto the S and Zt.^^^^ • ^* ^ ^ S^ *^"°S
O Most High." What a dSn nf ^ ^'""Smiaea unto thy name?
in my hearf. which^'det'/j 1^ g brifS'"!,^^'^^ /--^^
Lord humble me for thy dear SonTsaf e ^ ^ (^od aa I ought !
whS'4"eSntteToTd ^aS^^^^^^^^
enoes of his blessed spirit in mZ hearts O ^'w ^^ ^^Z ^^^'^■
titude have all the r-deempd rTZ. t ?\t.^ )^^^* ^'^'^o forgra-
refreshing showed now and th.„ '1"' *^'*i^ ^°^« S^^"* t^em
Psalmist's lan^L '!a tv ^-n^^^^ ^ could truly adopt the
thp^u^"^ ^^ ' A day in thy courts is better than a
^' ' « ^°f, *'*y afflWat the place
Where my dear God hath been.
Is sweeter than ten thousand dayi
or pleasuhible sin .f"
food,"
mik Bome degree of
iy our beloved pas-
took knowledge of
Jrences drawn were
deeply rivetted on
look back upon my
id for beholders to
exercised towards
5SS of God, I was
vered bj a youth,
Ider David Harris,
edge of the truth;
I ; it is only about
sverlaating gospel,
ous youth ! The
h, 38th, and part
ohn, and in the
therefore, for ye
»f Man Cometh."
ten Virgins, and
zeal for the sal-
in short his soul
» is due unto thy
ful, that he may
» Gospel. I can
'an this, I trust,
e, and the little
•se, seems ready
is a good thing
into thy name,
■ hes concealed
3d as I ought !
t in conference,
h by the influ-
; cause for gra-
oes grant them
ily adopt the
better than a
53
crated for us through the vail that is 7^^JTv? I ^2!? ^"^^
not carried about 4th dive^aid stlaig^^^^^^^
thing that the heart be established wkh oSl^'i -i" * S^
The second clause was, principally, S suS o?Z*S^^
rs:met:Ltvirs «?^^i^- ?^tiv^^^^^^^^
have of pSe Tr:^ J S^^^^^^^^
iniqui^ iee7mT fi.l^'''*"^ T'^" ?^^ redeem me from S
of religion which'lTavfmadr' ''''''^'""^ *^^* ^^^^ P^^^^^^ion
head of a family (namely £ wl^Ch^'''^\^''^ ^^^^'^ *^«
children to mourn thTfoss It i^v i^te""^-' '\^}^ ^?^«'^^»
-her hope in the Lord C'. ^.J7 *^^ "^'M^ ^^^ sorw>W
When beLding the tri I ^aS;? -"^ .H™" ^ *^« J'^*^
meet, the last ef emy we can LrXfJ"" ?^'^ ?"' f^'"* ^^ ^^^
the foundation whff 'it^ bdlt uZ T A'^^ P^S^^" «' «»*
stone, elect and precious OuTietZ^^Tt'^'''^'^'''^''
away unsanctified to any, but m^lal A ^"^^^J^^^^nt pass
immediately concerned We rnni o^ 7,,*^°^® "^^"^ »>•« n»ore
actually prepared • ^« "»"«*«oon follow. Oh may we be
to trn;reSlLV?h^ t^otuuf trt r ' ^- *-->
removing its nillara LlXIl ' .,.,^^1® *^eir diligence. He i^
triumphfn ToZafiS^il T^*""* ^^''^^ *° J°^« t^e Church
wordsf - He tLt d^llerti I tt'^^^^^^ ^'^^'''^ ^^^ tJ^ese
shall abide under thrsttw of ^ l^^? °^ *^« Mo«t %h
from this passage. ''And JifistLtW*^' (previous to thfs,
and after that the Judgme^ "V for^LSi'"^ "^*^ T" ^^«« *<> ^^e
food," very much for our edification ""^ ""^'^"^
7
64
. Ill ' I: 'V'l <
/«^ 11.— Yesterday waa allowed to enter the courts of the
Most High and meet in conference, to hear of our feUow pUerinis
travel in the divine hfe. I know not when I felt such a strLgle
in my own mind, about going ; the cross presented itself in full
view. Thouffh I oft-times felt desirous of embracing the cross in
every shape, I shrunk then ; but it is plainly to be observed, that
I am cold and sluggish. And I may safely say, I went from a
sense of duty, and not from a warm inclination; but it was grati-
•lying to hear the communications of the Lord's poor and afficted
people. 1 hope my precious Saviour has given me to realize that
tribulation 18 the lot of his chosen ones here on earth ; but it is
only of a short duration— their everlasting rest awaits them.
tnen, let us hft up our heads and rejoice, for now is our salvation
nearer than when we first believed. Wilt thou honor us so highly,
y (twI, as to exercise us aright in all our trials ? Another candi-
date for Holy Ordinances was added to our number, and this morn-
ing three were unmersed in a watery grave. As the Lord has
been pleased to lessen our number (and there is now prospect of
more breaches by severe sickness), so he has increased it. A mis-
sionary discourse was delivered from this appropriate passage,
He shall not fail nor be discouraged till he have set Jud^nent in
tte ^rth, and the Isles shall wait for his law." I verily believe
toe Mmister was assisted in a good degree. Grand and noble were
the points of divimty advanced, and notwithstanding all my stu-
pidity I was led to view the foundation which is laid in the Gospel
for men to build their hopes of heaven upon, to be more precious,
more glorious, and such a one that our affections should be deeply
placed on as our atonement, our leader and intercessor, the object
ot our highest love. Once more was permitted to partake of the
svinbds of the broken body and flowing blood of the Lord Jesus
Oh what cause have I to love my God and shew forth gratitude.
But the warfare is rising high; at intervals, I can look away from
tms body ot sm, but a sight of my innumerable infirmities almost
overwhelm me; wilt thou, Lord, enable me to supplicate thv
throne aright 7 ^
June 1 4.— V/hile the country is aUui commotion with public
business, I trust, I behold the vanity Tf earthly promotion, the
short duration of it, and could congratulate those
" Who hav« no share in all that's donfa
Beneath the circuit of the Sun"—
Who are gone to be present with the Lord, where they are free
from all sm and sorrow. It is the fear of sinniug that makes me
atraid to live. I think I desire to depart and be with Christ, which
is far better ; but if the Lord will enable me by patient continuance
m well-doing to seek for glory, honor, immortality and eternal life,
r the courts of the
our fellow pilgrinia
felt such a struggle
ented itself in full
jracing the cross in
;o be observed, that
ay, I went from a
1 ; but it was grati-
8 poor and aJOEcted
I me to realize that
on earth ; but it is
t awaits them.
ow is our salvation
honor us so highly,
? Another candi-
aer, and this morn-
As the Lord has
3 now prospect of
reased it. A mis-
propriate passage,
e set Judgment in
I verily believe
md and noble were
iding all my stu-
laid in the Gospel
be more precious,
should be deeply
rcessor, the object
;o partake of the
f the Lord Jesus.
w forth gratitude,
n look away from
infirmities almost
to supplicate thy
otion with public
y promotion, the
ere they are free
; that makes me
ith Christ, which
tient continuance
and eternal life,
55
I hope I would not be impatient, but wait hia time with cheerful-
ness and alacrity. I want to travail more in the cause of Zion
and feel the weight of immortal souls upon me. '
July 1.— How highly exalted have I been among a goodly num-
ber, through the past week; and 0, what cause have we for love
and gratitude for such privileges as meeting together in an associa-
tion all which blessings were procured by the sufferings and death
of the crucified Lamb. The Association was held at Wilmot,
(bounty of Annapolis, where the Gospel was preached in its purity-
ibou, Lord, hast promised that thy word shall not return void.
And oh let the fulfilment of that promise be seen many days
hence, that thme arrows may be sharp in the hearts of the King's
enemies, that they may fall thereby. The texts preached from
were m succession as follows : "Preach the word"— "Let the
inhabitants of the rock sing, let them shout from the tops of the
mountains"— "And God gave the increase"— " And as he rea-
soned of righteousness, .emperance, and of a judgment to come,
Fehx trembled." A. yormg Minister of the Gospel who offered
Jiimself as a ca ...•> for ordination, spoke from these words,
And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had
spent all her liymg upon physicians, neither could be healed of
any, came behind Him and touched the border of his garment, and
immediately her issue of blood staunched." The state of man-
kind by nature was beautifully brought to view; how loth they
are to come to Christ, the only physician of souls, till every other-
refuge fails; the character of the lovely Saviour waa also exliibited
as every way suited to the wants of poor needy creatures. An ordi-
nation sermon was preached from this short passage, " Wherein
he hath made us accepted in the beloved." The solemn work of
ordination [of John Hull, now in glory.-W. C] then took place
And exhortations were given after and through all the meetings
when we parted with singing the Union hymn, " From whence doth "
this umon arise," &c. But oh, the idea of parting rent my heart
asunder, till I was brought m some measure to realize that we shall
shortly meet m the bright courts of everiasting day, never "^^o be
separated. It appears to mo I never had such a deep view of the
important realities of eternit;f, and the remembrance of them now
rnnlTf '^f ^ii^'T u^® ^^^'""''^^ °^ "^y ^«*^ tha* for a time I
could hard y tell whether I was in the body or out of the body • I
did not feel in an exstacy, but a solemn weight dwelt upon my
spirits ; long may the remembrance of that season fill me wi^ holy
;^°?- . r* i' -^.^^T* ^^^ "P^'' ^*' I ^«^* ^ ^ave farther dis-
CO venes 01 the kingdom of God, for our intercessor hath decbred
" within us. What a atoon nf (living, condescension to mor-
tai men ! Lord, enable me to call unto thee, and
say to me aa
Bl I
66
tho» didst to % servant Jeremiah, " I wiU flnflw*.r. ti,^ j i.
thee great anu mighty works ^oh i^i'^^^^'^t^ee* and shew
Zion travail and bring S chTli ^^^.^ • °''''* "^*-" ^^ let
pursm the do^wa^d foad ^''"' *^'* '^^''« «^:^ »^o longer
Ai^it^Go^fit^r^^-L^^ o^r
S7.ssrthrmt.:j^&^^^^^ Saitrs
. to the alarming of careless siil^^^E^ ^/ ^" ^""^^ ^^^ ^^ope
hath redeemed^u^ froTthe Ze^^ th' I'^'^Z^'' *^^«' " Christ
forus"~''A true wUneMsStv^^T,^^^ i^"^,' ^?^ "^^^« * c«rse
meeting the UahtZTZul^^r^^^^ ^* *^« «lo8e of the
a very faint resemblance o^f fhe temrs Jf fL W* ^' ^^"*
Happy for those who can say- ^ '^^ ^* S^®** ^"^7'
" ?'**!i"^l ^'"'^ °* seven-fold thunder roll
And shake the globe from pole ?o pole ;
is of the Ws mere es tha? I am^w^'''^ ^^^ ¥' ^ Sur^ it
heart was filled with iZ to God 1? "°T«^«d- Oh that my
have such love to my fellow crelZ '''. ^ J°.f ' *^^* ^ "^^gW
to take shelter in Se rS cStTfn T *^ ^^^ "^^^^^^'^S t^em
of the Lord comes Zd now LveT^o? ^''' '""^ ^'""^ ^^y
Lord's unbounded goodnL to .;,« t • I f °* '^^^'^ *<^ '^cord the
the last July ? 00 could wTsh fW^ T"^ '^ *^" ^'^^^ «^«««
more ready^to shew' MiTtt:^ 7mT r\''''^''' ^^^«
ciOkd me out of darkness into hCarveltaU^^^^ W% ^'S
lori, teach me aood imiffmont .^jiT ' , j ^ *• "'" thou, O
OM dialings iritETe''fiSf? Ji- l''T "■«» "''^"' «» % «rii-
young Miaiste^ to Lpk^hTnL aS"";''"' T. '"^ "«>
Bin ml*gniiS then.~..ht^u°=^'T'VSti'?™«mon«le.dof our
swer thee, and sheTr
west not." Oh let
ners may no longer
Dder mercy of an
' tread his earthly
'■ and salvation were
re would fain hope
Bre these, "Christ
ing made a curse
^.t the close of the
led, and all was in
thought I, is but
le last great day.
all,
Why am I spared,
left? Surely it
id. Oh that my
lan, that I might
il exhorting them
t and terrible day
on to record the
>f the dust, since
and tongue were
^0, I trust, hath
i. Wilt thou,
[er all thy graci-
commandments •
lumber at a con-
'ut we had two
le of declension
many is waxing
'* How shall we
7e on the Lord
few days under
ly cold and un-
Jngs, until the
lous load of our
weight of my
id OS agailty
57
^««y -^J.— bmce I last wrote I have been confinn^ 1 r
fT*"/ •"»! / «'=>'"^ with the in-^dSot't^tS
endured great distress of miod, arisim from « J.„„ „ , *
ways. Ihe Lord s hand was but light upon me in sickn^c ^
tl. t!;- ^- " """"S y"" """ fe""* *e Lord and obevS
ltk,?TA- 'V™.'i "^* ™'^«"' i" darlne^ 'and hK
S" mriTot '? ""= °T/ "-^ ^«l. and Stay n^nU°
will bring my captive soul into liberty in his own lood tinfp nL T
trust will purge away much dross nvA tlrT^e ^j ®' *^^° ^
oreatures, and shew me duty, and rive me strm!?!,^ ^ ^"'!''
death, and although m/mind woa S,SJl T?u .?^ "*," "^
in .he Lord JesusWd st^'d STme'^Ste' ^t T^J'"^
How can we sink, With such a prop ' .
As the eternal God P" *^ '
««...nfrSmovter.h^Lt^o?ihrgi>..""*x^
safely returned to ua fX SL T v^'f ^^^^«^ ^^^^to*" «»
ml
58
traveHing in the greatness of his strength 1 I that anpat in .i k*
ousnesa, m.ghtj to save." I had flattered myselffi^
have heard with uncommon solicitude to-day buS wi .•^**
Tv-as as usual not as much engaged as it sYo,,!^ T.f ' %^?«"*^on
spiritual Lfe to be communicated wh^h ^ml^.l ^^ ^T *^"'
power, and quicken mo to run the heavenTy road *" ""^ ^^'^^'^
" *"«f V^°.l^ ^P'"'' ''^'ivenly dove,
Withal thy quickening powers;
Come shed abroad a Saviour's Jove
And that shall kindle ours." '
the privif^ of rctir:rn.,:^d ™ led "X73^f;^'™5^
preparation for death, from a dream thTTlj?.^','*'^?
Harding, and said ''such a i^S' ''™' *?."^"' ^"^"^^^J. Mr".
much afarmed on account of 1? v, -■ """f ^^^•" ^°t fueling
jet felt anSs to W when aJ^^^^^^ '^' sound distinctlvj
asked Mr. Harding how bn 4 w^uM be bXZ""'^*' ^ '^'''^^' ^
be sent to call melenc! fee Zwte^^
this filled me with sensations nofto be deWibed^^^^^
one who saw me was gazing at m^ with agShrnpn^^^\''^^^^
why I was not more alarmfd. llZke and ? J'^^i ?\^«"°g
great impression upon my m nd • hZ S t .1 t 5'^ ,*°>^« «•
brightened up and increased nnd m ka .„ i Tu . •^^i "^ ™"'
of ttath that'll nm^ hrnrmrLorf a^d £> ""k ""?"' "S 'P'ri*
to p the ^ellinj of J^n^leT^r m^ Tn'Sie 'C^'l
™ ^tThi^rSiTatl ''• V™^' '™J^'d wilfT; ort
August 1. —My spirits are much denressPd *hi= n^ll-^ '
are busily engaged mv hearf^,^!,^ ' ^°*'*?'** ^^^^e my hands
Who req4esXSt.'se^LeTw^^^^^ • ascending upwards to God,
to the ]?eaySiSa ?ou7 tlil t 5"'; "^5 "^J?^^ ^ * g^^* i»4
69
thatspeal^inrighte-
Qjself that I should
ut alas, mv attention
a. be. Oh for that
nimate my drowsy
id.
ly been prevented
ler care (I think)
er enjoyed, I trust,
t much on a speedy
lad last night. I
IS a vast concourse
lere had been many
> me, ramely, Mr.
lie." Not feeling
30und distinctly. I
ments I thought I
le summons would
ree or nine days*"
I thought every
bment, wondering
seemed to have a
Lord only knows.
Q this short time,
dying, my faith
he unerring spirit
yheu I am called
in the face, and
Jord will comfort
, and receive me
unmerited grace,
this evening, on
presence of my
ike up my time
iweet retirement
while my hands
ipwards to God,
1 is a great help
and seeking for
^ijp«/ 13.-Sabbath day Three of the days of the Son of
Man have forever fled, and I have not visited the house of God on
either of them. To-day was employed (in a way of dutv^ in
watching over the emaciated frame of a dear youn^ sister in our
neighbourhood, who? case I have formerly hinted at She has
been languishing fen a fortnight, and is almost past hope of reco-
very, but her soul 13 in a good degree reconciled to tho will of
God, and she feels willing to go whenever the summons may come
Her beloved father is also confined, but rapidly recovering from a
scorching fever ; the Lord has done great things for him on that bed
of sickness whereof we are glad. He has for tho greater part of
the time enjoyed a little heaven upon earth, and often says " if
*5'!u u^. f f^^*® ""^ ^?*"'"® happiness what must tho full expanse
of the b issful Canaan be," (or in similar language)— he has beea
made willing to resign his darling child into the hands of the Lord
to do with her as seemed good in his sight. I wonder how I can
be so stupid, so cold, when the mercies and judgments of God are
abroad m the laud,— when others are deprived of health and I
enjoy a good degree of it ; my proud heart wants humblinff. O
Lord let my prayer come before thee ; incline thm? car unto mv
cry, for my soul is full of trouble, and I am ready to say, thy
wrath heth hard upon me. Shall thy wonders be known ii the
dark ? Shall the dead arise and praise thee? Whom have I in
heaven, but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire
beside thee. Oh may I be enabled to hope in thee, my God and
be of good courage. '' '
August 16.— This has been a day of trial and sorrow mv
spirits have sunk within me, and I can scarcely so much as lift mv
voice to heaven and cry, " God be merciful to me, a sinner '^
Instea^ of going from strength to strength till I appear before
^,1 have every reason to fear I am going from step to step in
offending an infimtely wise and good God. Surely the graces of
the Holy Spirit do not dwell in me, or I should not be off mv
guard so much in indulging wrong passions. Lord, hast thou not
an ear for my complaint ? grant me true and unfeigned repen-
tance, Mid may I experience thy pardoning and forgiving grace, for
never did I need it more than I do now; and I shall exiSct to do
so more and more while I tabernacle here in clay, for I shall be
always sinmng against the Lord Jesus, while so much of the old
man is cleaving to me, which I desire to have crucified with his
deeds. Lord, be not far from me to help me.
«ep^mder 17.-Sabbath evening. After an omission of writ-
mg for some time, I am gratified to have an onportunitv of statiae
^Fmlege I have been favored with to-day, V hearUig the truf
Gos^l preached from these wds— =' But to this man will I loofe*
•'?ij
60
« in the
Since I last write I ratTournevTd bt'^^^^^^ of ^3 great salvation
friends and relations inidSfjL''-''''i}^t^^'''''''^^i^^^
the necessity of endeaCiL tl * ^ . ^' 'V^'^^ excursion I felt
I trust I soLimestuTe^prtZ^^^^^ ^/«*-« ^han^cter!
realize that religion was no VuwJ f /^^^^ah m giving me to
lavished upon me: but how do Tf^^ ""***«^- ^''<^^^ ^ere
wander froSTthefountnoTa^^^^^^^ T "^^^^^«« '^"^
shdmg sinner, and cause n,P Vn^^l ' ^' '^''^^'^ ^ Poor back-
with fasting, ind wfth ITrnL '?• "^^^ *^«« with weeping,
garments. contrd mHo n3'- ''°t"§ ^^ ^««^' and not my
Sailycross,thatr?l?srbvTb«''''^^"^rA^^ ^"'^ t^^^e «P ^J
to enjoy communion wfth Gc^for cE\ 2'^ ^ "^'^ ^ ^^^^ed
September 26 — Tjtn • ? Christ's sake.
attended a yearly meettg' ^PreJcUrS'tlT ^?*°°i ^^^^^ ^
ous duties Tvere performfd soSv fl^'^ ^'"% '^^ °*^e'* 'eligi-
The te^ts preache^d from L mfhtr^. wli^ '^ ^'""'« ^"«^-
were as follows-" That aT sin bS ^ ^ ^^''^P*'^^ <>f one)
so might grace reign through ZuT} '^'^"^ "^*o death even
" But if I tarry ifng that tho^^^l^^"^^^^^ "°*^ «to'°^l life"--
to behave thyself L^Lrhouse of gT'i^T ^^ *^°» o^^g^te^t
livmg God, the pillar and^LL???' TH?,!' *^o church of the
ye into all 'the w^ and ?rc^the fo- i * ""^"^ ^' ^^^' «^
he that believeth and is bapSd shall ?'^'* ^ ^^^^^ "^'^^^^l
not shall be damned." Th?Ss be „^^^^^^^ ' ^^ <^^t »>«««^ett
the hearing ear, and I can but bn- ^°^ ^7**" ^^^^red with
though wandering thouthta and iu^'*''."°'^®™*»°ding heart,
me; but I am so defiSt ^ ^^Lt\fl'^'T ^^'^ interrupted
putting it in pmctice, that J ofthlnt m^^ '^ ^ ^.T ^*' ^^ ^^
great; but what am I that C ear^ «Sn, S\^'°°^****^^^^
opened, and my heart broken/ o]tt^h''T^^' "^^ '^^
mercy, that saves a worm like me ' ^'"^ ^'^ «^^«"ign
Sabb2LTroVoufstted'Z!rff ^^'^^ ? ^^"^^ absence of nine
degree of heartfelt %« J rhelH^^^ '\^"^^«^' ^' ^t^^ome
Gospel advanced theff by' ur^i ^/''^^r^^g *"^th of the
t^s shaU be the coveZt tKf t T^"". ^"""^ *^«8« words-" But
»fte' these days^rthZ Wd 1^1?*^! ^*^,*^« ^'"^ ^^^^l
P«rt», and write it in t£S/^ ffl t^,i*Y i?, <^eir inward
« weir neartB, and will )be thwr God, and th€y
t, and trembleth at
'ere experimentallv
character, owing to
>, (also hardness of
mj spirit was bur-
humble me in the
his great salvation,
aud to sec christian
'h excursion I felt
iristian character,
in giving me to
f- Mercies were
owi mercies and
laim a poor back-
36 with weeping,
leart and not my
ind take up my
[ may be enabled
Horton, where I
and other religi-
of Zion's cause,
exception of one)
nto death even
eternal life"—
w thou oughtest
e church of the
And he said, go
Jvery creature;
e that believeth
ts favored with
standing heart,
'ten interrupted
■ hear it, and in
tability is very
)pped, my eyes
I and sovereign
bsenoe of nine
I, I, with some
truth of the
words — " But
louse of Israel
i their inward
H and they
61
shall be my people." My soul was joyful in the house of my
God, feehng a conviction m my own mind, that although my S
had gone up to \eaven and cried for judgment against me % the
bkssed God had borne them all away and cast them into the denth^
of the sea by his own offering for sin. Oh how great l the^Sod
ness of God to me, a rebellious child, in giving Z to feel rene^d
desires to live to him and not to myself ' Blelc W wfuT
enable me with all the whole Isr X God to Uve' ^Th i^^^^
King • and as we are virtually in heaven, make us to have our con-
versation there also, to be looking for that blessed hope a^d ?he
glorious appearing of God our Saviour. ^
Oc^Ae/- 8.— Sabbath evening. Again enioved the deliabffiil
privilege of waiting upon God in his fanctuarnhere a pScS
discourse was preached from these words-" ^hX TerKye
eat or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of G^"
The Sacrament of the Lord's Supper was administered SolSm
transaction here, I thought, I alS a spectacle to men and ^^Z-
and if my life does not evince my gratitude to God for theS'
ous displays of his distinguishingVercy towards me, what a^m^nl
ster of iniquity am I Oh I would Wnt that I love God so Uttle
and follow him at such a distance. But our beloveZastor encou^^
aged me bv saying, this was a proof that a principle of Lv^wL
set up m t^e heart, that it was perfect in its naturef however de^
cZ .IV^"^- ^- "^r* "^y ^^^^* ^re^cted with thriw
God that It may stamulate me to a life of obedience and a Hfe of
S '^*^v* ®M S^ ^'.^' <^** "^^ "gH trifling spiri? may be sub-
Or'inh ^^f ^iv«««^g I t,ave to do 'with eternal reSs
October 19.-Many have been the changes in my mind since I
^iTfk^^T '""^tf ^'''' ^^^^ t^ tfi« bottomTthe mol-
tains, but think I sensibly realized how necessary it was to Lch^
fased. Oh how desirable to join in the languag7of thTp^et^
"Since all that we meet
Shall work for our good,
The bitter is sweet,
The medicine is food."
I want to be panting after God, as the hunted hart nanteth aftpr
fuLTs Tn'dto'r ''"'^' *^ '^ '"/^«™g -<1 thSn^Trigl^-
ousness ana to have more engagedness in prayer
wh^fS^^t l;;;^^'^"'^^^ ^"^^'f^ *^^ tabemacle of the Most High,
ll-'^sit^th^^^^ ^"^ preached from these imporlit
L^rCnA -r * controversy great is the mystery ofcodli-
Ss t^?vT^^* ^? t^flesh justified in thj Spffirof
^Sv^uninM 1^. H 1^'^*^^"^' ^«^^«^«i on in thi world.
E!!'l''P,"'*o g!«^y-;' A lecture was also dven from t},« Sdfi!
edification of G
8
> people. I tnut it was
62
Wh
I'N
4
day to be had in long,remembrance bv noor nnw«r*k« *. t j
highV interesting to-day • thrbanka of S"„n ""''^'^^ ""'^^
know that nothing short refreshing to
!the cause is obvious T IrS • '"''^^^'Prrtunities heretofow-Lt
, served trust in Zm o? aV^^ '"^ "^ humiliation, and an uni^
sermon from Kev 2 8 and 9 U^l . ^""^^^ ^«*^ ^ P'^t^etic
jt to each member ot thrChurch , MavlT^^^' preaching was
Heavenly K TMs dav W ^ •'^^'T^^* *^ *^«
/ «Mier. ims day s exercise, I trust; has
I'liii
64
Mood ™y «ao.h the W oftXno^oV™ oT^X^fche ^
sWpr precpice ou which thoy arc stanS \tt an W„rt I
« Why was I made to hear his voice.
--And enter while there's room,
While thousands make a wretched choice,
im rather starve than come »
Twas the same love that spread the feast
That sweetly forced us in ;
Blse we had still refused to taste,
And perished in our sin."
prayer ^l!;~Th.' 7"^"^ ^ ""'' ^'""^''^ *° ^'"'^^ ^ social
prayer meeting. Ihe communications and nravers worp s„r.K o«
reached mj heart, as I had for some days beeSverrnt\ h .^^ I
same observations, but still have to Wnt tLbelTdersSe of
my mmd, owing to the inbeing and indwellinffT^'n T j! '
prayed to be let down into mysflf. which prS is answered T
some measure (though I wish to have a greater Lcovervth..
into tho mysteries o(
iterests of religion l
with me, that I may
rit and rich in faith,
ething of the vanity
take some part in its
ninly assert, nothing
on with a more inti-
[ hope and trust my
ihort of Christ, that
Saviour, and cause
earthly and sensual
>m thee, and getting
5a8t up for tho ran-
10 by mv general
Btitude ; how much
lis evening in this '
the mercy of hea-
an arrow dipped in
j) to shew them the
, that all beneath .,
;e in the extended
>ice,
ast
to attend a social j
jrers were such as
>nver&ant with the
beclouded state of i
J 'of sin. I have
is answered in
ir discovery, that
relying alone on
d the sight over-
th a solemn view i
me to a world of
66
December 3.— Tho Ught of the glorious Gospel is yet obscured
to my view and to human view.
" Every {rrnco lies buried deep
Deneuti) this lioort of stone."
But I am in some degree comforted with these words—" Now no
chastening for tho nresent seems to bo joyous, but grievous • yet
afterwards it yieldetli the peaceable fruit of righteousness to them
who are exercised thereby.''
Z^cr-emAcr 4.— Sabbath day. I ha\'o been highly favored in
heanng the Gospel preached in its purity ^'>-day by Elder Harris
from these wonb of Scripture-" For J.ou > .gt slain, and hast
redeemed us to God by thy blood, out of e- i^ry kindred, and
tongue, and people, and nation" ; " T ic; aball o return and dis-
cern between the righteous and the -iekod, ■ etween him that
serveth God and him that serveth him t. ' Oh what a highly
fevered people are we, to have the privilege of a Gospel Ministry '
un that error m prmciple and practice may subside in every cha-
racter that names the name of Christ.
December 18.— Sabbath day. I am deprived of meeting with
the assembly of God's people to-day, but I think it was laid before
me m prayer this morning that I should enjoy as much, and per-
haps more, satisfaction to remain at home. The comfort I have
felt 18 inexpressible in praising God for what is past, and trusting
him for what 13 to come, believing he will guide me all the desert
through. I think I have felt something of the mind of the poet,
"Lord, we believe, O chase away
The gloomy clouds of unbelief;
Lord, we repent, O let thy ray
Dissolve our hearts in sacred grief."
i>ecfi^cr 25.-Christmas day. Almost another year has rolled
away. What a solemn consideration should it be that we improve
time aright, which is so fast hastening us mortals to the impartial
tb .'Iw • Jl^'l ^ t°^ ^""'^ ^ *^« ^^«t Christmas and see
what the Lord haa brought me through (notwithstanding my rebel-
T nT f""! -f ^1 ^'T. ^^'">' ^ ^^^"^ ^^^°" to s'^y. ble?sed be the
Lord who daily loadeth me with benefits, even the God of my sal-
vation, he IS my keeper. Oh that he would preserve my going out
and my coming in from this time forth and for evermore.
i^ecemier 30 -How should the closing scene of this year affect
my hard and obdurate heart, under a variety of circumstances:
but I have to regret that my mind is so insensible of the many
tovws I daily receive from the hand of a kind benefactor. Oh that
atthe commencement of the new year I may have some penetr*-
tmg and abiding sense of the Lord's goodness and my ingratitude,
■ Ti;
66
and feel more fervency in prayer An^ «», t 1
never to leave a throne of grEt ihe ntri? n? ^^ v' P*'""'' "»«
January 1, 1827 — Lnrrl'r.! ^"® ^ " *^^ "^^ ^»fe.
tion is due^ to' he high an^ lof y ^''^'^ ^''^'^ '^^ «"' 'hou art mine •
if »", ^^foW thy blissful face, '
Q ^ '"'"^ ''"'"P'^'e in righteousness."
wtZa^e-m'i^S^er:^^^^^^^^^^ New
been spent so little to the honor o? God Htln^^^^^^^ ?''* ""'"'^ ^««
all)-~how much sin is lurking in r^^l ^ .^^f ^''f ^ ^^ »one at
ceive ! « I know that thi S l *?^ ^^^^'' ^^^«^ ^ r of
happ^ convenience of^the hum!n Sly O ? ^^I r^f^ ^'' '^'
who 18 a strong Lord hke unto tLo ?%.u ^ ^"^ ^°^ ^f Hosts,
th,sea;allna?-.e^attConti OhtLtfc''" '^''^'^
&th m thy mighty arm. ^eC^\ny^-^^^* ij^ more implicit
-^Bteps. Lord, help ne to ^teoS^,^tL^f-^^*j;^
I Lord, permit me
my life.
I praise and adora-
3wing such an un-
> New Year's daj,
•d degree. I have
)spel to-day, when
be Christ's, then
^e promise." May
spiritually, more
all the ransomed
3le us to [plough
hat while we liye,
vith all its solemn
sinner's doom is
leaven will they
n
bath of the New
le first week has
rs to me none at
■h I do not per-
im that is godly
bim;" but the
1 not, commune
-put vour trust
Oh how much
iure as seeing
indulging in a
i me, Lord;
nake thy way
St upon me for
is remarkable ;
f was favored
he Creator of
galleys for the
rod of Hosts,
the raging of
more implicit
>n wilt diieet
67
^XL^;;^^^ ^et^i^nS^ tZJ^
Gospel from these words-- My flesh and my heart fa leth ^?u!
God is the strength of my heart, and my portion fore^r '' Manv
were the mstructive admonitions drawn from it?Swas or o^f
the most precious sermons I have of late en oved if^l^n I
does not greatly deceive me "^ ^ ' ^ "^ ^®*^^
nA^°?"'n!?'^''^*?¥«^^^^*^ ^^bort them to ^ reconciSd
1^^ ^t"-}l K^"^"' """ r may gk r«,t unto my Z;! I
February 27.— What a sad account have I to aivA nf ♦»..
i^^lTt^^r^&Ss^ix^
and children mourning the irreparable loss of a k nd^^^^^
yet, alas, how little is my mind solemnized anrl ^»li • ' ?
with eternal realities, through thr^ea kterJltlri-J '"^^''"^
?^ F^l'"-V "••> """ »«™»''^ f«l ""y Poverty Id tX
" My love so faint, so cold to thee.
And thine to me so great"
r!>i*1
68
i-eajized it was spending time well What n a™«^^* ^ •
all men most miserable. Thou/h T nZn feTf t ' ^® ^'*® °^
energy in tL cause of cLiJ^i. * t ^ ; V^ ™^ **<^^y ^^al and
i^u ui a ueiovea aunt, irom these words " All thir.^ v n
soy, from a fuU conviction twTi,' !^ I ^"'y ''<' eoaMcd to
thfngs through cEMvUcL\»L?m:^^^^^^ ^^ "" ""
to take a leap in the dark, and go^SjSv ^ thv '"?"' T "■??
concemine me Granf m. J™ contrary to thy mmd and -wiH
« This Jittle room forme deslmed,
Will suit aa well my willing miud.
As palaces of Kings;
A heart to read and underetand.
And faith to trust the Lord,
Id urge no company to stay,
But sit alone from day to day,
I^or wish to rove abroad."
n.y care andZS S^"e Cd' o^flt^M-" °°"'S"'"^ ""
bless n.v ^ep!? S4' r T V ^'^ -^, -^"/ "^^ ^«* good : I c^
in - ^tid^wl^X'J-^uS^'-^-t"^";^^^
Bive
I sweet resort is a
)reak in upon our
in God, we are of
) say, I would pre-
eafter, rather tlian
1 for holy zeal and
' a good soldier of
iciently humble,
learing a sermon
oan occasion of the
'AH things shall
id are called accor-
iate to my present
ad. A new scene
Oh thou who art
©descend to make
ly be enabled to
er, "I can do all
suffer me not
hy mind and will
e light, wisdom,
influences of thy
bave a single eye
ny own, but give
biting upon God
;tle room to wait
eternal purpose
1 and distrefsing
tt committing all
3ving that not a
I feel much the
id it Cometh to
w God will do
JStgood; lean
inifested to me,
Qtenance Tnhen
69
overwhelmed with inward anguish ; but instead of dealiiis t^*Jt
ne accordmg to my just deserts, he gives me to Ll S^^S
submissive under tJoible. Oh that ft mig"? work oJt t m, f
Far more and exceeding weight of glory • I) how nrnT. 5
;radtude, '' where'er! rovf, wherf'e7l' rest." '^ '"^' ^°'
March 23.— Another Sabbath evening has returned Thfi *1«rl.
ouds that pervaded the atmosphere through treZtve vanished
^t the appeamice of the bright luminary of our lower worldaS
dazzhng splendour is again^ witnessed L the aUntJ^e eye Oh
low much need I stand in of having the wei^Iitv nllT'.P •
,.nd unbelief removed by the SuT^^U^lZn^^^^^
fairer than ten thousand stars. Oh for tS lifeTS ^ • '®
ied to my immortal soul wMch arote"^^^^
danger. Sprmg, thou lovely seaaon, art retarningrnd hrtenin^
fudged by the Lord Jesus. Solemn realities ! StranTe sSiS
^f n.me, to be so regardless of thc^ ! Father in hefvenS^I
JJ ^eps m the right way, and enable me to'^nd^'ri^rS
new, if God calls me to walk thereL VZfb^^'reL^^J
n nL7:ftLT;i:r ^^^^°^^ Sp-t; tho7LsUha"j
n need ot that wisdom which is profitable to diiect Heavenl^
1^' f f t ^t unto thy unworthy child. Heavenly
fe too good tot' inkLd. "aw mu",L,rr 11 T^ T
|ombmod make me to shrink and a!S reS'atfetZ
1. f/™°° ^^"S '■» 'Presses h a widower^d fatW of S
cnarge of a large family). I was ever averse to leaving CornwalHs
9
•i>>.i
hU
70
knows gSe mrrfhv L™ '■" T^ """^'"^ ''«™° ""h
warts receivlTe to gl,t^.'^ oonnsel, dcareat Parent, and after-
the1SJ;«; t/oS t/Z"- ^9'^y."^^,^ have not entered
day from a m«™.. nf «; ■? ■ "^ '° '^' P''""' """i serene thisi
oomfortekemlhW.Vwil7?nta«^? w-th many others has
™y whioh tho.sha tgo^tCISVh^rttttae'^:-''' Oh^
not by me;" Tofher SL, "S'f'l'iJL^l "■»»-"'■ "-"
seemeth good in thy siirht " b7. l/ ' Y^'^'J'' ™h me as
who am fut a chfflTw thoi i^J/f T '" *""' '^"''
to jalk therein, but to pur^ mT K awv a ' s T ''°' '^"^''
^^■aSL^Utr'*'^"-'''^^'"^-^'^-^
*' I trust thy faithfulness and power.
10 save tne in the trying hour."
M»y my strength be equal to my day •
"Though dark be my way, since he is my ffuide
sTn.I"' n^L° "^y' '^*« ^'^ to provide ; ^ ^ '
Thp hw ' *^" ^ "'^^'' «'"•" ^'o^k for my good
The bitter is sweet, the medicine is foJd ° '
minto^G^r^SnZ^^^^ '' ^^'^^^ -W to W the
that the present aSp^atTdiZW^^^ '"''T^' "^^ '' ^^P«
lowing .U have swe^lVor im '^y^^^^^^^^
of various kinds pressed upon me--" tK ^^JT' ? ^ ^ '*^^^
ordered by the Lord," &c^ ThouTh Th! ''^ ""^ ^-' ^ •'^ ^^«l
Ht only L and through the LorSlsusX^^^ ' ^^^
hear that voice that sneaks "Thtti^'- ^?, ^^"^ ^ ''^^^d |
Methinks I could "Cvard tin -.i,*^* ""^^^ ''^^^ ^^ ^^ it."
that) ;:Lo.,i\oX til M^^'Z^^^^
po-nt Of the Lord .ill) of committinXelf in^ trha^roft
f«ar
hei<
Lor
|gloi
me
'ado]
sigl
jlife
Lor(
a sp
A
grar
bless
Jesu
hast
then
them
shalt
Bles<
in a
«ver
my s
liistl
confu
thine
guide
this e
hand
of Al
the g(
Oh 1
throu]
tably,
favore
have (
trustii
tions {
lows-
fits."
him, a
shall ^
else it
4epresi
sd me. I have often
) that my nearest and
thread to me, if God
j11 the good news of a
own land heaven only
!st Parent, and after-
ret I have not entered
ould I give my atten-
wed. Oh Lord God,
a sink in my mind
le have I to bless thy
ilacid and serene this
pon my mind out of
th many others has
nd teach thee in the
ith mine eye." Oh
wrote I have been
3 appear like moun- ,
whom thou wilt, but |
»rd, do with me as
walk in that path,
, if I am not called
S ■■>•' me a plain
uabl. VQ to trust in
' guide,
good,
1."
jquiry toknow thel
«urage me to hope i
'f heaven ; the fol-
when t»e r)l jties
of a rrc - „" are
goodne«s tn - im,
Oh ^^•'t X could
walk ye in it."
3 go"~(knQwing
na now upon the
to the hands of as
71
wTthly friend : hia solicitations for the same have now risen to their
height, and I am left to decide the important question. Will the
1 ^ A *^®'' ^'^"* ™® wisdom to act in his fear and for his
glory ? And if the answer should be in the affirmative, oh qualify
me for the arduous undertaking, that I may possess the inward
l^nf r 1 ? ""'"!' '>"?,''? '",1 ^"^'* ^P'"*' ^^'^^ '3 in tho
sight of God of great price;" that all my conduct in subsequent
nte may evince my love to God and love to my fellow creatures
Lord, give me more faith to trust in thee, an all-gnfficient God, and
a spirit of prayer and supplication.
^;>n7 10.— This last desire in the above writing I trust has been
granted m some degree; my trials are more and more severe, b-*
blessed be my God and King, he is my sure defence : yes, my
Jesus IS all in all to me; "O how great fs thy goodness which *hoi
hast laid up for them that fear thee, which thou hast wrought for
them that trust in thee before the sons of men. Thou shalt hide
them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man. Thou
s^ialt keep them secretly in a pavilion from tho strife of tongues.
Blessed be the Lord for he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness
in a strong city." Oh for more humility and gratitude that I may
>ever continue to wait upon God, knowing that he is my light and
my salvation, that as the heavens are higher than the earth so ar«
■his thoughts and ways higher than ours; he can bring order out of
confusion. I hope I feel like clay in the potter's hand, for into
thine hands, God, I commit my spirit, and trust thee to be my
guide and direction. "^
_^pril 12.— Solemn and important i -e been the transactions of
this evemng. I have now, amidst opp^^.tion and conflict, given my
hand to my nearest earthly friend. I trust it has been in the feaJ
of Almighty God ; and in the whole affair the glory of God and
the good of a fellow creature have been the governing motives.
Uh how arduous is the undertaking! May God sanctify me
throughout, soul and body, and qualify for me to serve him accep-
Apnl 15.— Sabbath afternoon. Once more have been highly
tavored m hearing preaching by two Ministers of the Gospel, who
have come to visit us, to see how we do, if we are pressing ou
trusting in God. or slackening in the good way ; their communica-
tions are refreshing The texts spoken from to-day were as fol-
Sr nl>^f i*}!^®"^' ^ "^y ^^""^^ ^"'l forget not all his bene-
fits. Behold he Cometh with clouds, and every eye shall see
mm, and they also which pierced him, and all kindreds of the eirth
Shall wad because or him." Methinks my heart is very hard, or
3«nJ!. ^ *! melt with supreme love to God. My spirits are
aepreswd and I feel to go mourning, without the warming influ-
ft
72
Silt' ^oli'l'^'T^ '"^ ready to shri.
wiis obliged to remain a? C?* fc^^ .^^ t^f -^ ^^^^her j|
pomtment much, for '' I lovTihe hn >l!.r '"""/^^ ^^It the disa.-^
the place where his horT^^S^'Ti '^ ^'^^'^ ^''^'^ ^^^^
some nearness to God this daTCh I W^^/ *""'*' ^^y^^'l
balance it would be fouiid 7ant^^-? f •' '' ''^' putin thc*^
Oh that I possessed more cfTsS'f' T,V\^"*"'-«' ^" degree.
jught make her escape (if on ? fli '.'^^^^^^°g' ^^^ «>y sou!
fetters which bind meXnTolrth V^^ ^T ^^'^^^ ^^°«^ --^'
felt the force of ihm passaT^'^T;. ^ '' ^^' '^^^'« '^^'^ m .
^ly and beloved, ho^of mercies^liSr' 1 ^' ', '^^^^ ^'^ <^«J< ^^
.i^eelmn,,^ long iilleringy TS i^T'' ^ • ^"'^'"'^^^ ^'^>^d
that i ,;x. very much un,, talified for ft •"' !' ^'''''^ ^« *« ^e
. Jiew. Oil thar IL mi^ i^LZ li ^.'"Portant undertaking in
cess, a^nctaication aad eternal Lrr?°^^^^' ^''^'''^> righteous- f
holiness over be myehmeTttf^^l^'ii ^ ^^^« t«'g^ wv of I
^ ^i>n7 30. .--SabKSnl it '^f /'I ^^^ ''^^^eil ^ ^
thesoundof theGoZlwfff ^*«\^'^'^ t^at I went to hear
"For thou ai't mTr^^mdllfT ^^'^.'^^*^ ^^"^ these word/
sake lead ^e and^Me ^t^J^^^^^^^^^^^ % nZS
view applicable to my own sitnnf,^!. ^ ® "'^''^ *^^»gs brought to
providences of God7whXr sSl Zf'"^'^^''^ ^'^P««4 the
aa professoi^ of godWess XTrwiLfe^f ' *^** ^^ ^'^^'^^^
stnvetobe -ell acquainted with it I bli^^^ •^°\°"'' ''^^^ «n^J
has led me in this way, firat to rrn V. l- ^ ^''' ^°Pe tl^e Lord |
tion. Mv mind is muchToLnosS th'"^ ^""^ ^' ^^^d for direc- ^
ever was the will of God cZ^nTt^'^^ ^"^' felt that what-
say, let it be done. The STti'^^^ swe^t*' ' "^^^ '
P^her.what'er of earthly bliss
Thy sovereign will denies •
^«^«P;«d« thy throne of grice
Ut Uus peuiion rise :
me a calm, a thankful heart.
''"""'"" murmur"
G:v.
•ri' //
ar/,£L€-°i'»i-'t.
And make me live to thee
iJ f-^ OJ Iv
Ti
of th(
and ii
leaat
4o*s<
shrink at tho cross i::
me, if I an, :3ficeiv(;(l.
I of stojiij/ vreathcii
ning I Hi tho disap-^
of Gorfa house aiid
'ave, I trust, enjoyed
' ;i It was put in the
in nature, in degree
oathing, thai, mj sou!
from these clogs and
' e for some da vs past
«a <'!e elect of (>cJ,
nuiiitjlencss c^f mind,
a is giwng me to see
Jrtant undertaking in
:haustible source, the v
be supplied, that he|
B.WLsdom, righteous- 1
naj the high waj of 1
fc err J herein. :
liat I ivent to hear!
d from these words, i
fore for thy name's |
'7 things brought to I
^lar, respecting the f
jng, that we should :|
i for our rule and J
faint hope the Lord \
his word for direo-
have felt that what- 1
It trouble, I could I
sweet —
73
Let the sweet hope that thou art mine
My hfe and death attend ;
L hy presence thro' my journov shine.
And crown my journey's end "
1 fii pastor las Dreachivf (wl .„ * • ™ "'*f '• Our fmth-
™«ty,of wholesome in^sSi„t ^L^rl'ZTlJfn^'''
eoification and comfort • bnf oioa t u ^ ' ^ "°P® f<^^ our
was destitute of divine kflueLewhii^^^^^ '''' -^u*" *'^'^^ ^^ ^^^^
Batisfaction the prmLf woTf^r 1 f.^^^^ ""'^^''^ ^^^^^^^^
it was wantintr nw. i ' ■ * ^^^^^"8 ^^^se of the power of
May IS -ior^t r '"^U'^^ting after God, the living M!
lie wSl hav« ^^' . n ^''"« ^^^^^^d ^vith attending pub-
natuTrtUmes o/Evef T' ^^/^A-t-- of a s^C
things. The Stinn tM V *^?,S3, at other times on earthly
oallef io m'^u^^s^myl^^^^^^ ttL ^^ ^' ''"^if^/^
I can never discharff« td anx^^^ i j x- , "®- ^ *™ sensible that
in my orsSengtr Oh tharl "" *^' • ^^".^^^^Ive upon mo
stantly to look to the ^frnJf . ''"'? °^ ^* "^'S^* ^^ad me con-
thaa t I have for thir/ ^ '*''°^^' *^ *^« '^^^ that is higher
like a flooJ) feU Ihe s^s oT^hS^"?^'" '^*.^^^'^^« «^-' ^^
God thaBksriving Ld mv !15 ^o^^omng words, " Offer unto
upon me iuTe^ZVtLtfe IndV^m ]^- ^°f ^^^h; call
Shalt glorify me." &ow nr^^.n,1a ^iT ^ " '^^ '?'' *^«®' ^^^ ^^o"
the d^erted soul, when ChS L^!"' -T'^^"^ ^'^'^ ^^ ^^ ^
Lord,gi,e me mo7e spiSStyVid ^^^^^^^^^^ ^*^ ^■
shake myself from the dust of IL *u ' ^ * ^ ™^^ ^"^e and
dence in thee that ImTLr *^^^?^' ^^^ repose such confi-
my good, and^hat tLTJaS^rk:V^^S 'll?" ^^^^ "^^'^^'^ ^r
I feel perfect safety Le^Lsh.1'^^^ '*^g^*- May
soon the storm SV^l^o'^^ '^ *^^ "^^s, knowing that
I.
with the waves of
•resent exercise.
• ^'>"Bi'jt(i*>b
CHAPTER II.
make
*-^i
?3.i
1 1 It
74
unawares) and pray always th.f T„ ^ ''^ ^'''"^ ^
escapoall these things Ztllll T^^^ ^° '°""^«d ^^^thy to
extraordinary, how can T ev'v nLr *r;»«««tion my case being
these orphan children on account of ™ '^' ^^ f ^ ''^''^'^ *«
But I can only say^f God ha, L?ll 1^ ^'"^^^ ""^ inexperience ?
qualify mo for the^ta k herr r fl f T ^^''''^''> ^^« " ^blo to
realize that heayen and eaHh ar. .«')? TI' *•"'''"«) ' ^"^ ^^hen I
to an earthly friend a^^dth^ cJ a\^^ V^^''' '"^ engagements
me with minute LspeSon I imlplf"/ ^'' ^i^ '^"««^^ are yiewing
that I may ever 2l mv .i.- t ^''^ ^^'^^^y impressions. Oh
oonyersatiJn! and be a fSrof i^^ "^ '' '''''^y «>3^ ^^^^^^^
God. Lord I implore thv tar A? rr ° "^ covenant-keeping
for soon mu 1 1 goCen.^^^^^^ Y^ T '" *^'' *^°»« ^^ "^ed,
that the fear of. idX'Kortm/^^^^^^ "^'"'^^^-S- ^^
I wragL-|t:^^ 7e3ay "^^^ ^ ^^^ ^^ «- months
meeting ii conference amlTn?"^' It ^^^ P^^*''^"^ priyilege of
from/e three fiS^'Cs'o^tt^S^^^^^
muned at the table of thf. iLi 'J.*^^,^ Valm, and once more corn-
nine months ^^Vy\e^'' 'f^^lf T ^" ^^^^^^'^^^^^ ^^^
wretched stupidity of my Stful hp«r?^ I haye to lament the
led to a discoVof iS^MdefeyL'^^^^^^^^ ^"J ^^P^ ^^««
enemy of souls, who is ever ready tifrJ "" treachery of the
^tray ! Suffe^ not the Jnemw^^ *V„? "^ T" ^''^' ^^ ^^^''^ "«
Father, but may I at a?l tSs^ feefto sa^ "^Tnl^Vl r^ ^
righteousness and strength." ''^' '^® ^°^<* ^^^e I
eeefw^f joTr^^L^ „! • "^''T ''f °"" ^^^^ Redeemer,
his unremitted kvorlaySru^^^ ^""^ to the King of heayeri &;
me to come away withonl « w ^ "u* ^^ '^^^"^ ^^^ not permit
(though at tHsMnrrno '''°^'- ^* ^^« P^«^«d to shew me
dence'was i^ him "tSch CghTSh ^r ^/'^^^ ""' "^^ -««-
mg I trust, feeling d^An ^1^^? V * *^^ o*^ reflections, edify-
k4 me and guidlm? ^''*^'' ^"' P^«' tiunsgressions. ' L^
mewy^ hayrb^ au^e ,?r ^P^^f^^^^o^^ment of God's savin.
t ^, snoymg that God u my refuge and a neter
M
■»
is blessed hands, to
Jiorny maze. En-
'that I may not bo
day come upon mo
ounted worthy to
id stand before tho
>n (my case being
"t of a mother to
and inexperience 1
5to, ho is able to
ig) ; but when I
3 my engagements
ngels are viewing
impressions. Oh
'W by ray life and
covenant-keeping
lis time of need,
ndertaking. Oh
8 of fivo months
ous privilege of
ospel proclaimed
once moro com-
?n celebrated foi*
e to lament the
1 but hope I was
reachery of tho
eels and L^ad us
'ge over me,
le Lord have I
J seen' and un-
liation, and am
lear Redeemer,
; of heaveil for
did not permit
}d to shew me
b all my confi-
lections, edify-
fflsions. Lord
God's savin9
iid not feel to
9 and a neter
^1
75
Mi W. The words of the poet are very sweet to mc this
" Amazing grace, how sweet iJie sound
J hat saved a wretch iike me ;
once was lost, but now um ibund,
VVas blind, but now 1 see."
md gonfy my kmg and captain. How much I nS iourncv
.««T?o-,p^rf ■ ""'"" " " "■'■ "^ "■"« « --="'' in tllnfE
»«^f^ 23.— Yesterday I spent a comfortable Sabbath dav mv
retetions were consofmg, while travelling a distance from hoS
•cxlXTeSV''? ^"r? '" ">e4rcis«orthedayand
?K.. K- """."i"^ «'»!"=■• of Jmra, particularly the 13th verse
duty and to make „«"u LubSonV l ^""^\'T ■" *e l«th of
towards mc'. 'bat I wSg^\'irsl£e y"St"h St"^^^^^^
^ffieT^t!"'"'""'"™'^*""^ "■»"'• If-' - if i™«id4
" Each of his words demands my faith :
Wy soul can rest on all he saith :
Ills truth inviolably keeps
1 /le largest promise of his lips."
the dust, while I ouAt iT hi ^ I ^^r*' ^'oyellmg here ia
do in Je^us dwell S the tJft"^ ?' \' superior joys which
hope to so J^^^^^^^^ I
'bt'of^oo Thef fa r the\UdLof'GothrsSd
shall ha4 peace » Oh fn 1 1, 7"'"°'' *^" ^^'°'^^' ^^ ^» "^e ye
BtandrneKtoau^i^ ,f ""'^^T'" ^"^ ^^* I so much
be pleased to pour out a : • '"•r'''^ ^^™ ^'^^^- ^^^^ J^sus,
of l'^4n;?v^SLi^n^ ^l^^"> *^^ --i
*^ veiy special manner by our beloved paator from
^'1
76
i,i¥ *il
liH^
S:;li„^''"^^^"«*-^'yf;ic
than to-dayrand T
dependance on God iJr life brent' ''?^? ^^"* "7 *^*"Z
should realize God tX ncur afh .nV "i"''''^ *. ^ ''*'°^ ^^^ ^id, 1
me unto thee. ^^°^ ^"^ ^°* ^"^ off- I^rd, driw
thetSge'relaUor wtt'cau^el '"T ^^^if ''^^ ^ -*«^«d
" Should cares like a wild deluge come.
And storms of sorrow fall,I- '
May I but safely reach ny home,
My God. my heoven, my all, &c. &c "
• VZus'^^ ^^ *^ V^tness and in^port of them f
forted Vhile speakS|from^tworr'Ttf f^^'/fr"^ «om-
Will water it every Soment W Tn^i, }-l r ^°!;^ ^^ ^^P i*. I
and day." It d SI 'com S^^^^^^^^^
opportunities had a right effect UDonrae tW 4 iV ^^^^'^ ^? s^^ch
mind with such force that I couKtT'tfc^?^ ''? "P°" "^^
week I but I am in . ^.fldern^s worid ' '^ '^'"^ ^^"'^S^ *^«
" ^"'r^j!"^^ a wretched land is this,
J nat yields us no supply,"
GmOe mo, Saviour d;,u.o, ttough ali the ill, ^ troaWe, of
my distant from G™dar.dT;y f' "jt.V!;!?'^'™^'"' "^
overy point of vioF. Oil I feTf ( /, i ^* '''*°" '""'">
andmfm.,utI,in4oZaASvJ '^ l^d «pon my moutli,
living Sod Oh f-Afi™*-"-. """i"",. """'(^n. Wore tho
>Mom heard better
a greatly assisted,
hat nature that I
nee on God, and
I support, I never
•r of God, nor to
Id feel my daily
h'owirl: did, I
off. Lord, draw
d since I entered
less God for his
amidst trials and
ke to righteous-
une very forcibly
tier 14 miles to
arged and com-
rd do keep it, I
II keep it night
I think i( such
i rest upon my
m through the
id troubles of
main at horxie,
^nsideration of
lefici( ics, in
m my mouth,
m, before the
ous Goaj^el to
jht once more
sapacitated to
iog rate, sur-
; but I richly
disposition to
77
bear them, because I am conscious I fully merit them ; but Lord
of t.l 13.-Sabbath evening. Seldom do I let such a length
or time pass without pennmg some of the exercises of my mind
but such js my situation in life, that I have but little time to devote
to notice that I could wish, though I have been highly favored
prove them, how lost is our time and usefulness ! *I have attended
mJnf ^l ? i/^"H"*^''.!^ ^'^ embarking in so good a caise, provid-
f /LI'":! ^i'„!:^" °f God; but Vesirf to bless G<;d'thlri
teel more su
I glory in the
-sion than last night, and sometimes think I should
ross. < \ for right tempers and dispositions.
" ' ^]!^^P ^y Ihoughta, be humble stUI,
And all my (virriage mild;
Content, my Father, with thy will.
And quiet as a child."
" Guide me, O thou great Jehovah,
1 ilgnm through this barren land:
I am weak, but thou art mighty,
Hold me by thy powerful hand."
leS. CWter of ^^ t'?T'"''? *" f "" ^^^ "f ti"
tne (^pel , but at present am very far distant from smV
10
mor-
will comport with
blessed
i*l\
78
shut me out from tho nrfv/wV v, • * f ^'""^ ^'''" ''eflectioB han
I am Bo„eti™, M '"17 .'^^eSfdl"' "f 'T™''
appointed unto me," and fc, reS ,7 r^' ?°? '"«'"» "">
a sound mind," tlial I in«v »i.k?i,?!- , "P";' "' '<"« and of
aU .be trials of tUs diZYerS wf '""'" '"'""<'' l^" "P ""^or
cast light nponVaott y^ c( Ae ati; ?h"! ''* "?««7f «1 ^
alas, his mind was n^ Iw -.f i "" Chapter of liaiali; but
owing inTtZT^uZ t!t^ °° "f ™"" ™''' -ecessirily
jesp^tsw^ldTL^^Tuut ™s^r^„i'""«°; '"'«!'' -
■e» 3inne.^:„5f i^^sut'lteltUK.^''™' ""■ "" "^'^
"Oh how sweet to feel the same.
^^ Massing tribulation's flame."
wore sensibly mT80uln^L^'!i1 ''^^'^>' ^'^* ^ ^^^ *<> ^el
living God, an7not onirthi T? ^'°*"« *"" *^^ ^«°^ «f t^e
sometimes tC mrtroubt lead mo to"?^''' ? ^"'^ , ^ ^° ^°P^
a good degree of confidenr« if^ r •£°^,' ^""^ ^'*'^°*^^ ^^^^ felt
■partner is laborhirfn^ ^ 1? ^? faithfulness and wisdom. My
LyZV'nrT^^l'^^^^^ «f theTownshbT
A/^,/, V.;. ' "^ """^pa^tij blegged and God t .rifled bv him ' '
New Years Evenmg, 1828.-The lines following ^ ^
iger against Mr. C'b
case, if it is the will
I want very much a
t to hold sweet com-
me for reflection han
much cumbered of
trust not captivated
be so. Lord, grant
it in my heart,
a prayer meeting;
ing presence of my
t of real happiness.
ya and nights are
e of that passage,
, sorrow hath filled
luarrelling within?
•ovidence ? Sa-
nd carried my sor-
i armour of salva-
rit of love and of
ide bear up under
r. Chipman to the
I he endeavored to
;er of Isaiah; but
wish, necessarily
lation he is in as
Js and avocations ;
wholly forsake us,
at My partner
te places of Zion.
irist can do help-
lling I am still
at I want to feel
he courts of the
bim. I do hope
jcently have felt
d wisdom. My
the Township ;
fied by him. *
Uowing are bo
I
I
i 79
expressive, and touch my case so clearly, that I feel extremely
anxious to notice them : ^
" \'?°} L*'"*'''' '"y '''"'• *''® ^^^ ^" '>«en thy friend.
He 8 brought the last year's troubles to an end ;
Then, what's to come, Lord, give me strength to bear.
And at thy feet to cast my every care."
The state of my mind since I last wrote has been calm and unruf-
Hedmsomomeaflnro, or rather I feel to be still and know that
, Oo(l reigns. Ihia passage has enabled me to look up—" The
' Lord knowcth the way I take, and when he hath tried me I shall
^omo forth as gold :" but when I consider how different the way is
take from what it ought to be, I am ashamed and confounded I
do not seek the glory of God as I should, and humbling myself
before h.m on account of sin, I oftener am found fightinl against
(Tod, than quietly submitting t» his easy yoke and reign. Strange
presumption in an expectant of infinite glory ! Oh that God
r^" 1^""^ me grace and strength to set out afresh in the cause
and interest of Zion to bo continually waiting for the bridegroom
at his appearing, and to be useful to my fellow creatures wfile in
uirJ!^^ 'T\- ^"? ^""^"*^ ^"^ ^^tit'^^^ ^ prominent fe^
tures m my christian character.
Janmry 19.-Sabbath evening. Both my body and mind are
L71^ "^ ^rr^' ' '^'. V"^*^ '' "^ "^'^^^ ^ the greater part of
i^mZnl T« ^'^ astonishing is it that it can be so, when death
«n« otl § ? T"^i T^Ses amongst us ! Two funerals to-day :
Zv f^ «f ;/*f ly. leaving a wife and seven children to moi^
their irreparable loss ; but their loss is his unspeakable (^
exrisT'f We 3""' ^^ 'r ^-^^ -^orefhanordinSlJ;
exercised. 1 have had a sore combat with the enemy of souls but
It has taught me my own insufficiency, and the neiss' ty of hay-
Z stTr^* «^«^gt^and support from Ilim that is stronger than
the strong man armed, though I require to be more deeply hunted
selon^ to T, ''°'"t r l"?king places. Yet I can KsS
TthZl? '\ i^*^5 ^^ %^" «°«»« '««P««t« ^ore resigned
to the deahngs of Providence with me ; but oh how Uttle I know
and feel to what I ought to feel ! .tJ^i^b ^
January 27.-Lord'8 day. This is in soijHhb^ a auiet
^«»ting
poral, I am favored ^th Zt-? """^ "''T^' «P^"*"^^ ^"^^ ^cm^
Swa^ gives mT^^troltee'mTeZsl^^^^^^^ ""T^^"
M much as if I were nrespnt t *? ! i"^!'!^ **^^* ^ ^"^^ almost
made to be still ZdSLtc^ • ''"* ^ ?^"".^" «""^« "^«««"'^
to behold the thiCthatL in t ^°'i ''^ ^.""^''^^^^ ^™««lf
yight the PsalSf s!r cfprS^^^^^^ ^? *^ ««rth. Well
Lord are creat soimT.; .„* / ^® 5^® ^^^'^' *^e works of the
them.'^ ^ ' '""«''* °"* ^f ^" the«» that have pleasure in
ma^'^SLI^i^^aTd Ss?Srbut"al "^''. and strength, enjoying
ingratitude swell my br3' Mv ^' ^^^ ^''^ *^^* "^'^^^^
•bout eternal reahtiesmv wl.if^ ""?? '' *^^ ^^"'^ «^«r«i«ed
the religion of J^ust'l wT«b^^if TV" "^'I '^*"°^«^ «P ^^th
ful for ie crumbrwhi^h slet L??i^.* ^'* ^ '?.«*^* *^ ^« t'^''"^^-
I cannot but hoS Tv confilnf ' n"/'°" "^^ Redeemer's table.
W that he XXTufcrseTor'lt "Xt t "^'^•^^' ^°^
matte quiet and resided i„\lAri^! ^f'x '^^ ^ ^^^'^ <^« *<> be
to be teughT whhTauil f^^^ ^^""^"^^^^ of Providence, and
alluring pLureorTsaullw'- T*''" .''^'" tempted'with
I knew'n'ot whlJ'/lXi: f ^^^^ J G^dt'Sr^^^'
me more Zn TZS .fJ5.5" *V* ^^"^^^J^ «Pon me, which leaves
»P'"t^.gi|Et ^^t.^ t. "S ''^''^^V ^"* alas, if the
bless God for the smallest intiLtiX^^SSt • *,?"sl»t I not tD
me? IseenZwTii rlL^^
feel some of its sweetnfiL ™nl Sf^^^P* P* '^^^'"^ *^"th, and
the force of that ^^^ ^In ttlSSF't'^ T* ' ^^* ^*^*
strength." Oh hTfLnh T I T*i''¥ "«»»t«>«sneM ted
AbniSLtj to k. m^r±S I !^^^^ !?rength of the
feel to rejoice an the prosperity «f ^on, which isS,
(made for the New
ir, and could repair
is watchful eye was
J, confined to tho
suffering some pri-
^e to endure. We
•oks to peruse, and
ost that is wanting
spiritual and tem-
i. My companion
hat I know almost
a in some measure
' humbleth himself
the earth. Well
the works of the
have pleasure in
strength, enjoying
oes that monster
little exercised
wallowed up with
ught to be thank-
Redeemer's table,
the increase, and
desire .ia to be
' Providence, and
len tempted with
Qking yesterday,
> look to for aid
rhaps death, are
ock of Israel for
■om attending to
ne, which leaves
but alas, if the
en my mind, no
ought I not tg
:indnes8 towaJds
ivine truth, and
past ; hftve felt
(hteousness tod
trength of the
i future vioiflsi"
whict is about,
81
we hope and trust, to lift up its head again in the eastern part of
our Township. A number have been brought to profess fiith in
tZZt-' ""^^^P*.^* ^\«*^!"g ^^>th in every one, but we rejoice with
trembling, knowmg that it is an easier matter to put on the liverv
of Christ than to wear it I feel it in my heart to address the
young professors in the following pathetic lines :
" Ye little lambs of my Redeemer,
Ye who feed in pastures green,
Follow, follow Christ your leader,
Ever let your light be seen ;
Ever mind and love each other.
And travel on the way together;
Shew the path that leads to woe—
So farewell, brethren, I must go."
my*moith^^'' ^ ^^'""^ ^ ''°' """^^ ^ ^''"'^ "'^''^^' ^ °"S^* **^ ^^^^^
^^nV 27.— Almost two months have elapsed since I have been
able to notice my exercises; but what thankfulness and praise is
due to my covenant-keeping God and compassionate Redeemer for
the displays of his unmerited mercy in my late confinement ! I
Jwur, l""""*^"' ^1^ ^l^^"S '^^^^' ^^^ ^^^ '^^^^ to a measure
of health after a number of repeated indispositions ; but the Lord
haa been kind he has not suffered me to fall a prey to disease and
death; mv obligations are greater than ever to live a holv and
spotless li^e (but this is what I never have done, and doubt m^h
whether I shall ever be able to ; surely I cannot, only in the
st..ngth of the Lord God of Hosts). ^I feel the 4i/ht of aS
immortal soul committed to my charge. God grant mi wi^om
and gra..e to conduct myself aright M?th it, and iforeTt^rr thou
if 11 FT "' ,^>^««^ed promise that " wisdom and kn^wlXe
shall be the stabihty of our times, and strength of salvation "Jh
If my son 13 on y one of the heaven-born race, all my toil and
care wiU be nothing, and I trust it will be unceasing fXs snWt
«al interest I ab-e^y feel him to be a stxong c^ord to bind mi
to earth, but long to feel, that he is only a lent favor, and to hdd
km and every otLer earthly eniojment lat loose ends'. I have in
my afiliction to lament that I enjoyed so. Httle<»f Hie manifested
nresence of Jesus ; but I have aW cause to bleg.A9,STlShe
SS^Xfto^l^y^^jU^^^ "'"^^ under1?,Sglt!;^
ti.n^^/^~u^ *^ ^'^^'^ "^^ 8^^ ^^^^ from the courts of
?h fe^'^ti ^ ^^ *«*^" "^^^^ ^^^"^^ of tte happy privSge
Oh t|i4t I could more earniMifW T^ikin^ ,« a^ c,-"*y_5V "^ef
I,'
82
iugg, at the water side, and at' the house of God ' Mav fl,.^ ii
have spiritual eyes to discern the Lord's body until K *^^ *'
Fivo were received in ndditmn tn „ i "°"^^"»t" «« comes!
a solemn transaction indeed ' Mw 7ul „ i- ""^ ^°"' "
religion which they have^ta A?2a,7 ^«T ""^ •""^
of piety, of faitli/hope anTzeal ' '""*'" *"'™y ''^ P"**'™
stay aThoi^tdtv 'brr^f ''"'^ 'T"' '" «»» "PO" ■»« to
cannot but reWcrthat G^\T ™ ■'°\'''"" ?"'' ^'o*''"'. >>»* I
praise. •■ ' ^ '"^ " 1*°P'« *'>' "M shew forth his
=. J:oX «^i:r^S«i^?~
atlZf:^'' 'P"^*' ^"^ *^^* trembleth atmyLt' ^^'"t
ttZ!^XeT.Z:Sl^r. eonquero^/through h^ ?
both the strongTndTe veaf I thinwf *^' ?V^^^ '^ ^^'
where his honJr deliZ to M^^^^^^^^^^ ''^'^' P''*""
appeared to me : ^ ' *''*'^ ^a«taf"l We those lines
" I love her gatea I love the road;
'^Za PJ""''' f^"™®"^ ^'"i grace,
Stands like a palace built for God.
io shew his milder face."
"ith his Son JteKw Id T *'"'"r»'"P ™1' tlie Fathef and
of being in t^X^k T^^Sf, '"^ ""^^ •""*«'
"J?*^ to grace how great a debtor,
JJaily 1 am constrained to {^ {"—
But « prone to wander, Lord, I feelit,
rrone to leave the God I love "
S'inlLr^.'^'tLT- »f *£ «M'>tio.« I a„ nnder .0
od ! May thej all
'• until he comes!
aber heretofore, for
'ears old, who gave
to-day twenty-six
down the banks of
ble of the Lord,—
r disgrace the holy
•ntrary be patterns
to call upon me to
vileged with going
less God for it, for
it of the Church
essity of living to
nd slothful, but I
iall shew forth his
ive I to bless God
prship him in his
ith two discourses
that is poor and
>rd." "Nay, in
trough him that
Church of God,
, I love the place
have those lines
fear of my age •
aercies besfowed
learly five years
the Father and
happy privilege
I am under to
muring a^'nst
with anythii^
85
trying to my feelings. ; but '< whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth
andscourgeth every son whom he receiveth." I hope my trS
will all be sanctified, that the true gold may sustain no loss and I
be enabled to giorify God in the fires. '
/M/y 16.— I have been blessed with some rather precious sea-
sons ot late; have attended conference meetings quite frequentlv
and go with my companion to hear him proclaim the joyful news
of salva ion to penshmg sinners. I trust he is the mean^ of com-
forting the weary heritage of Zion amidst a thousand embarrass-
m^ts and hindrances ; but our God is strong and mighty. Oh
lt.TV'''^'''f^ ?^ "^*^'" S^^^" '^P *<> ^^^ i« what I mosi
e^nestly desire, and to have a weighty sense of eternal realities
rolhng mto and upon my mind ; but I am at preseni, like Marth^!
cumbered about much serving. " '
rr,n"fr^^ ^T.—This is a happy day (in some measure) to my im-
mortal soul, saving sat with great delight under the preached word
hj a Minister of the Gospel, Missionary from England (Mr Tin
S •!? '^' ^^land of Jamaica, who hi come Ser by the good
ajpears to be a man of extensive information, good abilities and
education, connected with ardent piety, as we ^ust undoubtedly
l^beve ; what could have induced him to make such sacrifices Tto
leave his native land and many comforts for the thatch.d cotLe
in tne burmng Indies, but love to God and poor perishing sinners '
He has Ijen blessed and so will every one wh? comes^ii^? Jhe
service of the great Head and King 0/ Zion. Such soldim have
a large place m my affections, and ! earnestly, in the nam< 0? God
wish them good success and God speed (sometimes for a momeni
feel a secret desire to be one of their number, but I have worTto
tC ""^ '^!^rJ ^ ^" °^^y ^' ''')• The texts to-dlj were L
follows :-' All things shall work together for good,"Vc &^
'Will ye also be his disciples ?" It was very inst^nact ng to heai-
the same Gospel that we are in the habit of hearing. ^
Augusi 16.~Lord'3 day. These three Sabbaths I have been
SeTTet/'*^"'^ from the continued indisposition of t; p^
ner he seems m a very weak state, I hope not dane^rous buti
must leave this for the lord to decide. ligin to fef the wit of
tSvL^Gr 'l^""- ^^^--oreafdentdeitt^^^t
priv&th^^o;5 ?' ""Tu ^I'^'t ^'^P"^^ °f *^*^' Messed
S if ' ( W .^'!; "^'^ ^^*¥?^?'* ^°^^^« ™«' but I deservedly
Se West w£ ?« S' 7^^^^^"^"? t,ustle of the season, while
iove Zion shall prospt'i-. It j^pp^ars to me, I am by no meana i^ a
84
h u »1 1
branches why not the vine i^-^^^''^ *'^®''^^^, and ,f I love the
^^ the « ^e a.» "^S^-^S^.^^^'^'i^:
.une out of d^terfj\hine'??nt:''r„rs S'Sr
light of tte knowledge of the shrv of T^'in ^ f ? x ""'
da™ not long rinoe and the^ were priSoul i„/ "*"^'^ ^'""
Ai>t«n«^ 23.-Sabbath evening^ I have Cn blessed ™tl, A.
Feeious pnnW of hearing a verf solemn and deeKte^tta^
Ln the foUowi.. wSL^^^heretaTtJ;: ^^to'^rf th"2;
JiTetr,e'l'S:f^^'^-'^;f„t'™' »^^^^
aad dear, man featios ard*>nt d^nrt^ *],«* ♦£ ' fT,Y • ■'^ *""
1 rr - , ^ ^.®^'^*- ^^'s (uscourse was deliveW in rij« ««LtK.!:
fhenda ^d ne.ghboi-^ to w.taess hi« life and rxmverstttioi, S S
*; I' !^
rouned my lov« to
and jf I love the
h the unspeakable
lay before, oonfer-
en more refreshed
ligh seemed to be
ere as follows : —
is the arm of the
rath is come, and
ere delivered by
n a very remark-
5ia. I seemed to
the Lord, having
e and grace very
Jeroed to gain the
, -while I feel the
> body, for if ye
; it for his name's
ith many privi-
iieasure. but not
ans to praise the
and even within
ided the light to
arts to give the
be face of Jesus
id goodness ! I
night behold the
I attended four
blessed with the
eply interesting
3 up among us,
lis leave of us,
1 to record that
ot shunned to
m such a -world
he could only
ght) he iiicludf-
i was very full
it be impreasetl
85
putting on Christ publicly, he said he must put his hand upon his
mouth and his mouth in the dust ; but after L felt a necessKd
upon him, and the love of Christ constraining him, and a Lth-
blow was struck to his ambition for the world, le ne^er has shrank
from declanng the distinguishing doctrines of grace a» far as God
solemn application and bade saint and sinner farewell —the scene
was very affecting It is only a year since he commenced prS
dolbtXiTtb'. T S^' has wonderfully improved, and we^5annot
tZfllr!^^T^ '•/'*> ^'°^; ^'' P^^«« ^^ destination at pre-
Si er ?h ^fyr^'' fr^T-*^^'' *" ^' ^'^ ^^«^«*^^* ^ith an aged
n« hi if »,VK ^'^ P^'r^ ^""^ ^^^ "^^^« ^'"^ abundantly uaeftiL
nantn . ^^^^.f^' ^<1 W him humble, and bless his dear com-
panion ; reconcile her to thy will in all things.
withTttSn^^' l?f ---S^b^^tl^ day. I have not been privileged
itelTtZl *^ ? w° Tr «f ^^^^ ttese four LbbaS^
with *' ''"* ""''? ^ *^"^^ "^^^^ «*"^estly say, - my soul
3! ' ^^ ^^'"^ P^°*.'*^ ^"""^ '^^ ^^'^rts «f tl^e living Gled." vS
ous have been my conflicts and trials since I last w^rbut wh^t
i dSLrrf " T T^^°<^^^*^^^ '' *^« divinT^ih, a Bdta
iuttZ' Tl{ K 7r -^^"t '^ "^"'^- ^ °ft-t^°^e« tbink some heavy
judgment wilbefal me; but can I hope that thou wilt vet S
mercifully with me and fulfil that gracious promise - Thon^b T
tTvUVT^^' ^" ?"* '''^'' ^«^" deLTesus, big ^tJ
thy feet, where I ought to be, and make me to learn of thee O
that I could realize more than I do, mv noble bi th and my ete2
nal inheritance and what price the redemption of the elect LtT
gink It would help me to smile at the froLs of an ungX w^^^^^^^
own nousenold. / My situation is peculiarly trying mvcomm
nion is a great deal of the time fi-om home, (but if f Zld 3v
S mt.'^Jjf TH? '' ^n^^^-«. '0 ^-^ those privaS) '^l
cidiming the g ad tidings of salvation to perishing sinners L^
.some through bis instrumentality are brouX "o ac^'eDfofT^^^h
ar^i^^^t^?:^ "^'^ events of the present time
that I cannot omit menlion-nt ^meTfT^'"' w^f ^' ^"^ ''^'''^
gracious husbandman who still bei
'"" 'muciies '
!:^i:.lT.'_^i^,^^'^^H^"«^'% .^<^.<>re the patience of my'L^rd; my
_ — . ..,,,_, rrtttccsi ui mi
«a,g not cut me off yet, but still dresses me to
4
!;3J°S, -r f™.'. tto-'gh ae a'd
yielded little else but 'wild
Jgenerate plant, I have
grapes, Why, then., shouldest thou
.)
86
nSlt; IJ^l}^ *' ^' application of hia pruning knife 1 it
nnfrSlK ^ ^u ^® '" ^"g'y only witJt the degenerate,
unfrmtfu branoEes ; the more these are purged, the mSre frui
SronA*^ b»?g forth.'' This I can sa? hibeenrjcU^S
through my life long but particularly since I united ^vith the
^rpin.f '^'.^•"'S ^"^L ""^ I ^i«^ it ^ore sen^bly at this
ESJ ^T' ^r.'^gjfsterday received a dismission from^he S
Sind BanS rl^r^'.v'' ? ''^'' '' ^« '^^'^i^^d into the
^fo i^ii^/n I '^^'^ '5 this place, over which my partner in
hfe IS soon to be ordained (two ordinations have recenX taken
place with members of this Church ; what hath God wrought ^
leei my weakness to perform the duties of a Minister's wife and
neart is very l»d, a fountam of iniquity lies within, which has for ,
water' Th ^"^ ^' '' ^'^ '''' ^''^'^ '^^'^' that cln hoTd no
Z^san^t fyl Sr^/tl ^ ?^f hafe '"'"^% ^^ '''
to remove f^m our^e^n^ iStion^'t: t'mrSelTwX:
2%ha?S- /w*^i'' "^!i^^^ '^' ^i*tle Church is pr n i>V s^^^^
ated that It the Lord will we shall dwell among (at least for a
vain ao tney labor that build it ; it surely has been a snhmol of
mch prayer and deliberation (but alas, tcJ Sle by me) "^ How
M we go m and out before this people! Lordf couisel a^d
" Let me but hear my Saviour say,
Strength shall be equal to my day,
rhen I rejoice in deep diutress,
Leamng on all-sufficient jTrace."
March 30.— I am now comfortably situate in mv new habftn-
tion, and want much to be thankful for the Lrci7lenVybrt
creates m my h-MBt a sensation not to be expressed I hone I
" ^^* *« ^it'iin tfiis sacred place,
With iwjy gifta and heavenly ^mce
Be her attendants blest."
3 pruning knife lit
itn the degenerate,
ed, the more fruit
s been mj case all
[ united -with the
e sensibly at this
ion from the First
received into the
jh my partner in
ve recently taken
God wrought?)
I in some measure
inister's wife, and
7self ; but oh my
lin, which has for
that can hold no %
knees. ' May the |
expectation soon
e retired, twelve
principally situ-
g (at least for a
not the house, in
been a subject of I
) by me). How
rd, counsel and
my new habfta-
ies I enjoy ; but
;s, that I da not
I ought. for
't happiness that
Lord of heaven
y supplied with
the worship of
e window often
ised. I hope I
house will not
87
iaJ^^ i^r-^ul*'" ^^ * probationer of this lower world, and
.K 7f wf ^l7h'® many others are visited with affliction;
and do I feel thankful 7 alas, I am too insensible to the mercies I
am daily made the partaker of ; but what shall I say of my spiri-
vl Tk •.• J T P* *^^»^«^««« ^"d unconoerneS about^MSunt
Zion, the city of the hving God ; but I think I feel increa^ingcZ-
fort in pourmg out my soul for myself and others. that Satan's
strongholds may be weakened, and the Lord God who reigns from
TZr^rV\''^'^ ?^* ^* ^'' "**y *^^^« *^« uppermost seat in
every heart. Lord mak« me more heavenly mind^, that I may
forget the things that are behind, and press Lward towards S
gZ ?n ?r • f T^'*''^ tje n^ark for the prize of my high caUiigJf
trod IB Chnst Jesus, and be ready to say— ^
" Could 1 command the spacious land,
And the more boundless sea —
For one blest hour at thy right hand
I'd give them all away."
r.oo^^ 7.--Since writing last, three Sabbaths of the Lord have
passed, and on only one of them was I privileged with hearing the
^:^:Ztt' ' '^^^ '^^^ '^^^^^^ -*^ ^-S to a gooS^oSn!
Where I heard the babes in Zion ains
" Hoeannas to their King."
Eight came forward and owned themselves on the Lord's side.
S« W^Tw-hV'^"''-'"^^'^ *^^* '^'y ^'' *r"« soldiers .^^rd
on the last Sabbath (as ram prevented the Sabbath preceding) seven
were baptized axJcording to our Messed Saviour's example. It
h^ anrl V S 1°"/ ^'y"^^/ administered the ordinance, both
he and I felt much trembling, fearing something improper might
occur; but God supported him, I firmly believed, and dl tS
were done m a good degree in decency and order ; his text folloS
the baptism wa«, ' Go ye into all the world and preach the Go3
L wK '•'*!!'" ' ^' *^'^ believ(,th," &c. &c. ; the fields are iX
miJlT^ '"^ th.s corner. Lord warm our hearts, and engagrSs
rhru;h,'arby"us^"^""' '"* ^^ -y begloriAedSfand
June 2.--1 am gpared while o "bers are sick and dying eniovinff
zi z:'^:i'r'''T k ""i ^r*^^ -^« s^fsr fo? -
Tl^ f \ I'^'^y ^^ ben.:)fited. Five more have witnessed
5 J^ T^T'.i ^^''' "^'^ ^^^ *'"g«^^- ^ »ay the unky of the
Spirit abundantly mcrease in liiis little Chinh - ^^
sometimes
niiTnluMMa
don«T'^ -^ sometimes feel to blesH and adore God for what he has
b^lhTf 1' "«^ doing, and will, do till tho last top stone b^
lm>ught fortn ^,th .houting, cryhig grace, grace unto it. Thew
#■
i4 '
88
'II' '
can be no doubt that the latter dav dorv in fiwt «n«r.A««k' r.
. to Christ ! that christians were more alive (and I amonc the
^mber), admiring the riches of free and sovereign grace? Lrd
r\ T "IT"* °^ ?'*7^'^ ^"'^ supplication, thlt we may Drav
much for the peace of Jerusalem. ^ ^ ^
uJj!!!^}^'7^^^^^^ afternoon. Yesterday we had a delightful
wason at conference: much quickening and animation wMff It W
the Church n general. tSat God would rend tirhelvLs \Sd
SrJ-T' '^'* *^' "^T*^'°^ «^^g^* fl<>^ down at tCresence
that saints may arise and put on their beautiful garments that sfn
ners may tremble and fear. To-day and the lasf SaTba h bani"
was administered to one, and the solemnities of th^CweSr
moutf wfT'^^^ '? 'f ^^"' ^^ *^^^ ^"^ departure for Yar-
e^ii:£irtro? hl^r ^r'^^r^^p'-^^^^ "^^^^^^^^^^^
evangelical truths of the Gospel were clearly brought to view in
preachmg; texts as foHows-^" When he ascended ot high he led
T'^l W"'' u?-: " ?^^^« y^'^rselves, whetheTyou be „
tibe feith, &c." "IknowthatmyKedeemerliveth, &c.- '•«** *^d t^e laborers are
jlw^jws* IS.—Strange stupidity of oine— whew am I? or what
m I about 1 I sometimes feel as if Jes«» was saying to me' why
• approaching. O
tare vitally united
[and I among the
?n grace ! Lord,
at we may pray
> had a dehghtful
lation was felt by
the heavens and
at thy presence,
arments, that sin-
Sabbath, baptism
e day were inter-
)parture for Yar-
;ad and Shepherd
the marrow and
with thy divine
;ood providence,
I desire to be
ence to the little
ains our hearts),
tiled ; the sound
)ught to view in
on high, he led
hether you be in
Ji, &c." ''And
this rook will I
•' We then are
you by us, &c,"
bation, and that
i ^' hich was in
g, praising God
} is only a pre-
engaged in the
sinners and for
eat events from
ake; the Lord
rvauts into the
he laborera are
ad forth more
iml? or what
Qg to me, why
89
aro you not more active 7 Lovely Jesus, I desire to " throw mine
arms around, and hang upon thy breast," notwithstanding my vile-
nesa and distance from God ; but "to whom shall I go but unto
thee 7 thou hast the words of eternal life." Lord make me more
humble, more conformed to thy blessed image, that I may be better
quahfied for the important situation I am called to fill. that
thou wouldst keep the door of my lips, "that my conversation
may be seasoned with salt." Since writing last I have been left
to mourn the hidings of God's face, and have thought I tasted the
wormwood and gall. I hope God has given me dehverance, thoufrh
I many times suspect it, fearing it may be some of my own fram-
mg by the insinuations of a busy adversary, who is always near
at hand ; I wish I could resist him more.
August 25.— The two last Saturdays and Sabbaths we were
highly privileged m this place and the adjoining with conference
mee^ngs, and the preached Gospel, and sacramental seasons, and
one day met around the banks of Jordan and witnessed a citizen of
Zion obey the commands of heaven ; but in all this my heart was
not right with God, or I could not have been so insensible to his
goodness m providing such rich feasts and love tokens for his chil-
dren in the wilderness. Texts as follows :—" Being built upon the
toundation of the Apostles and Prophets, &c."— " Yet it pleased
the Lord to bruise him ; he hath put him to grief, &c."— ]^a. 53
10. It was the Gospel in its purity preached by my companion!
Uh 1 wonder the infinite love of Jehovah does not dissolve my
heart more into thankfulness and melt my eyes more into tears
Lord when shall that dear day arrive that I shall have uninter-
rupted communion with thee, or at least in a degree, here on earth i
Ihe wandenngs of my affections are so many, and my temptations
BO strong, that it seems impossible that any of my imperfect re-
quests can reach the ear of Deity. Yet that I am a temple for the
Holy Ghost to dwell in, I cannot doubt, from the rich nmufesta-
tiona of God s love to my soul in times that are past ; Wt I can-
not live upon this, I want a fresh supply.
" I cannot live without thy light,
Cast out and banished from thy sight !"
make me, dear Jesus, a wrestling Jacob and a prevailing Israel »
May I have skill to use the weapons of my warfare, which are not
carnal, &c., that I may be useful to my fellow creatures, that I
?^*y Fa-y "i^cli for the prosperity of Zion, and for the Gos^
iTvvvmber 11.— The iMiihfuiueiMj of a covenano-ke- jintf God is
8tiU manifested towards me, a heU-deserving sinnt , truly it is
well &f Hw thai I hay© no might w mwit of xny o^.<, for were I
hi
90
• profit bj all that is trying as weU ZTuXT-^' i • *^^^^ ''''''^^
I feel sensibly hurt when ThS fo ^^^* '^Pleasmg. I think
for my will needs to b^ Zw!!? ^ i. ^i®^®^ *** ^^'^^ ^^ ^"own,
S.fr that it might be beguS in^rfoar of S and Ih.f T
«d sin, my'St temri? S^' doWrZl?"'™« '='"^'
and ran any more. '*^' ''^' ™^ ™y "J™
tat mote f ThrreM^wkv I V "' } °°?'^ f 7' /■*) "■"=«> I
been waiting to W^meSAtw T"'? ^^"^ ''• ^ '«'™
given m»t» fed «, Sw montts.that are fcreTer Jed, he has
I > '
7ery if the Lord
)tor to grace, and
of my salvation,
11 most undoubt-
Oh that I could
easing. I think
the house of his
> rest, not living
ent the day at
^gh I cannot get
^elt some repent-
5s in duty.
hou alone hast
make it known,
abjection to the
•ears more with
'ren. Another
for my blessed
Lord does not
and delightful,
ed in health to
tfy obligations,
St I have felt
od, and that I
Uty, to govern
»e spent as the
bpe it will be
•plexing cares,
i vex my eyes
unto the Lord
felf) since I
ore is, I have
nd sometimes
ey were by a
iry darts ; all
When I look
lis past, I am
Jar with such
' fled, he has
1 suj^rtjW
r me that I
ittio Zion in
91
this place is not in as prosperous a state as it has been ; the enemv
haa been suflFeied to make inroads among some of her membeT/
and the love of too many is waxing cold.^ Lord, revive ly work
iV^T'ct '^*^' ^'"''' f°^ P"*^^ °"^ "Po^ "« i «Pirit of prayer
that this Church may yet look forth, fair Vb the moon, &c. &T '
ihf? .^?7 '^'^ ^ sufficiently admire and adori that hand
that has upheld me and brought me through another b. Tof
affliction ( enjoy almost my wonted health), while n \tI
mingled with it 7 I am now the mother of a fi^o daugbu My
obligations and responsibilitv to God are increased. VwhyVm
I such a dull scholar in tLe school of Christ'/ Whvnotmor^
t^k^tLs:^ '^^^' -' ''-^' -^-^ ^' ^^^^
" Jjr^i;? ^'*^^ ^^^ ""eoth ""US vainly spent
1 o Heaven in siippJication sent,
My cheerful song would oftener be,
Hear what the Lord has done for me."
Dear Jesus, take me out of this lethargic state.
mOTbe^ " -Th. ^i ■ '''"''' ^ TJ' mworthy and ^profitable
Der ot Christ's body, it becomes me to heln bear tbfi hnrt^«« I I
tKeriC^rrLh >? % &*! f^P''' "^ »" ■""
«* w rcproacn. un that my head were waters ssd
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92
^i/g-w*; 15.— Sabbath day. Not favor--^ ^th „** a-
" O fur a closer walk with God,
A calm and heavenly frame—
A light to shine upon the road
1 hat leads me to the Lamb."
{?e "e^y heritage o?ao^ " ThfT r"^^' ?■* "' '='>^°"''4
my soul ia mistaken % tJ. ? -^ dreaming of heaven, whilo
a/a ciiwTS; an^'d^^'rtTelTt'r'V^''^^^' ^^^
Spirit, that 1 mav wklk inX liXl, nf^^^ *^®. ^n^^nces of the
November 28' SnKKf.i! ^ • ^^ 9^"^* ^^ ^'^ t^e light.
merciesTi^^ewr;^^^^^^ I We experienced many
little Church here hi ?, I Jf^ • ^^^^^^^t^^ns of Joseph. Thi
and divi^io^s a;;eare^d m^k^C atw '^^ T'"! ' "* '«"*«
con/uct of 'the £ch tfwL^lhf T'/^^^u'^PP^'^ff ^^ *h«
proposed, have not^fbeeHontPd f '!^T' ^"i *^« ^^^^^'^^ . ^-
met in conference and S „ ? «/ , , Y^t«'ts and fears, if I
influences of the
the light,
perienced many
i Joseph. The
rthing but rents
>reach widened,
sister Churchea.
approving of the
lit the meMures
' few in number
confessing their
he privilege of
with theiD, I
I
98
trust. I have had some severe triah nf !»*/>
and hghter than my guilt." O, I ne Jed i ' T U ^^ '"T'
bear the mdignat on of the T,ord fni- tIo^ • j„ ^' , "^ ^"'
to siy with the poet, ' °' ^ ^^'^^ simied."_and desire
" ^®/°^» a",«iy angry passions, thi n—
And each rebellious sigh
Be siient at his sovereign wiiJ
And every murmur die." ' ^.
whilst the day lasts 'iMavrlSi'- 5 '"'' ""^^i ^® "P ^'^^ ^^^S
deeply engrti our■attlH^??^.•'"'^^^'''^'°^ a vp.st eternity,
would corjsider'their latt^Jend and preparl rLTc'J TT
"rr; irTsir^r ^f J" KhTmrttvfi^n:^" '^
and al holh the LorT^Lf ''^^^^^ ^'^ P'«^«««d to earth,
fearful thhf to love wl«f ^f ^, ^^^^^^^^^ reminded me that it is L
tions. ard^hL twine alu'^^^ *'"'^' ^ '^""^ '' ^'^^'^ ««•««-
tendril of the heart k Zl ""^ /""'^ and around me, but one
If :
I.'
94
rf ri^teouaness to my immortal soul ; but I feel at present that I
am too insensible, too stupid under them, and though I find mv
heart striiggle amidst its fancies like a prisoned bird that would
escape and cannot, on account of him that is no more, yet I do
not turn my thoughts within, and viewing there the malair of sin,
rhJ/, ^ l^^""^^ '* t^ o.' ''"'^y P'^^^'*^^' *o t^« Lord Jesus
Chrtst the Saviour ofSmners. Precious words! I cannot
deny that m him J have felt there was a balm for every wound a
corral for every fear " His name is a sf ong towerTwhereinto
ilv"?W u^"^- "^^i^ ""K ^ '^'' I «^"W feel it more sen
^yk t A ^ ? **" ^^ ^""^ "^ "^«" ^f waters in a dry place,
and the shadow of a great rock in a weary land." I desiri not to
"despise the chastemng of the Lord, nor faint when I am rebuked
n!,a™' need the supporting and enlivening gra^e of God to
qwcken me according to his righteous judgments Lord, restore
p^eand union unto Zion in this and every other pla^e where it is
Februart/ 18.— My life is a chequered scene ; only two months
Jince the funeral of my dear child, Ld now a wedding^(the daugh-
ter of my dear compamon's first marriage) in the house- mrny
things serve to remind me of the mournful scene that is past, but
I desire a mmd hke the poet's : «»i«o<', "ui.
" Since all that we meet
Shall work for our good,
The bitter ia sweet,
The medicine is food."
that I could feel the worth of religion as I ought to - would
thi'lirYf Sfy^'^t*^^^ ^f «?>: tl^«g«" thou who .alkest in
the midst of tht golden candlesticks, and hast so much against this
?^ttle one, grant us all true repentance, that we may retiSn and do
our first works, that thereby thou mightest come to us in a way
01 mercy. •'
AfarcAie.-The little Zion in this place is yet groaning under
a serious burthen. What the result is to le, heaveS only knows.
IJothmg can supply the place of union und brotherly love in the
members of Christ's body. The Psalmist might well say, '« Be-
hold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together
M T^L- ^ *i?* ^\ ^^ °^ ^^fi"^t° ^»«dom would condlcend
to direct this feeble band to adopt such measures for the removing
of difficulties as shall be most for his glory! May everything
ofiensive to his pure nature be eradicated, that this Zion may yet
be a quiet habitation, a city not forsaken." Grant us allf dear
Lord, a praying spirit, for we are weU assured that the effectual
tervent prayer of the nghteous availeth much. the wisdom and
goodness ot the divme government ! I sometimes get a little
iM« '"
Bftl at present that I
d though I find my
ned bird that would
no more, yet I do
e the malady of sin,
to the Lord Jesus
words ! I cannot
for every wound, a
ig tower, whereinto
Id feel it more sen-
ters in a dry place,
;." I desire not to
when I am rebuked
Ig grace of God to
Its. Lord, restore
er place where it is
; only two months
idding (the daugh-
i the house : many
) that is past, but
;ht to : would
Ju who .ralkest in
much against this
aay return and do
3 to us in a way
!t groaning under
ven only knows,
therly love in the
well say, " Be-
to dwell together
vould condescend
for the removing
May everything
8 Zion may yet
rrant us all, dear
that the effectual
^ the wisdom and
nea get a little
95
-limpse of it although it sees fit to tearmy idols from me and leave
me to mourn their loss. I would desire to call upon my ^ul wd
slntL^' n?'"" °^e to bless the Lord for the wonderful pK
f^rch^^^'—l have not felt that assurance of an interest in the
Redeemer's blood that I have desired. I want to be led to UeateJ
sea: hmga of heart, and more close self-examination, to know how
the case stands between God and my immortal soul, that whenever
ner TfTT T' l,""J3^,^/«% ^ go ^ unto the marriage suj!
T trl *h ^^J- ^ '^f \ ^r\^7 dear little Leander there 1
I trust I have known what the faith. of reliance is, through manv
ot my trials, particularly my sore bereavement: but for a length
l^roncerd. "'' '''' ''"' '^''^'' '' "^ gWous 4:s
" When I can read my title clear
To manaions in the ekies,
I bid farewell to every fear,
And wipe my weeping eyes."
But it is more than I deserve.
" Let me but hear my Saviour say,
Strength shall be equal to my day ;
Then I rejoice in deep distress,
Leaning on all-sufficient grace."
May this be my happy case, that whenever the storms of life beat
vT "flJ t ^" *'"*''' ^."^"^ ^''^ "^y ^«^or cast within^
v-Nil. Lord, suffer me not to do anything that will dishonor tW
blessed^cause, that is bleeding around i^e, either dirtdy or ii
April 26.— A severe trial is presented to my view, and some
others, to engage in the important duty of uniti^ to ciCenTa
female prayer meeting. I hope it is d^ty when I say so Tw
I do not feel as I ought to about it; but the fear of ^thT^od S
for tK.nT 7^^^«°^\ desire to engage in it cheerfuUy, if it^
lor the honor of God. I want to see the path plain.
« Dear Jesus, steep this rock of mine
In thine own crimson sea ;
None but a bath of blood divine
Can melt the flint away."
,?^dSrf ^ Redeemer, hast declared that "thou wilt keep hinv
m perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon thee." may this iS^
tt^^'^^' "workinmetoklaTdtodoof tLeYwJS
God^i^i^rw ^**^ ^y- ^ T 7«* ^ spared monuaient of '
tliee, and
say, "not^my ^uZ t™Se te done^"°n °\T'' *" "^ ™'''''«J *»
principle wittin and nSr^e Irresi^at?! aX7T^'iT
ence to thee. the pleasures of hS i°sin ^t l?'f';
aa:sfeiaf4,S£sE?F" ^^
Jesus. saT " If th. ^™ £^ trapScnpt of the excellencies of
loye thf ^kgi,il,*ttZ tftoth'Sd JtT'^Bj'" ™""' ""'
much of the fovp nf ni^^-Jr "^ ^ oenoia it / Uelievers see as
and conviLt Xem of tS ^t Tntv"' *t ''^"^'''^ '^''^ ^'^
clearer their views ^aaFV^A ^^^'""^ ^^ "^ «>ore, and the
earer their yiews are of him, the more tiey are mortifiid at the
101
cr minal defects of their love, for they see that he deserves infi-
mtoly more " I must say that I have "had a feast to my soul tWs
day, m reading a sermon preached from this text-'' Unto vou
who behevo. he is preciou..'' Yes, I trust he is precious to my
feeble helpless soul ; but I have to say with the poet— ^
" My soul lies cleaving to the dust,
Lord give me life divine ;
From vain desires and every Just
Turn off these eyes of mine."
The hymn is very sweet. may I be content, my Father, with
thy will, and quiet as a child, and let me and all thy blood-bouTt
ones see more and more of thy glory. remember thy ZionTn
th.3 place for good. Build thou the walls thereof. ^
J^^Pf^mber 8— Am still the spared monument of God's mercv
^hie the arrows of death are ^:^us abroad. A near relatirw^
four p'bnJ "'7^'^ '""t^' f'""' S''^^^' ^^^^"g ^«ft ^ husband S
four children to mourn her loss, with many friends ; but our loss is
her unspeakable ^am. She is, I trust. beLlding him Le to face
for whose cause sTie suffered persecution and shame (at least for a
time) when about to make a public profession of religion among
the Baptists She evidenced the reality of religion at^nany sub^
sequent periods, and is now, I humbl/ hope, lorshippSg befo^
fn-!n T°°' ^''i'^""* ?^ ""°y- ^'^y ''^' s^^ctified th s^rvivW
order ' 'o t. h' 't*'7 "^T"^ '' "^ '^^ *° ««' ««' houses if
foUh^n.w • ? ^'*"f ^ T^y *° °^««* t^e g»°^ messenger
(although to saints death is the gato to endless joy), is what I fl
sire above everything else, so that that day may nJt comrron me
unawares. How much have I to call up my attention to reflect
upon the important concerns of the soul ! rfe continu^ indtpo
SI ion of my chdd (although appearances are r, .rable), with manv
otlK^r privations, ought to lej'my mind frou. the ob/ecte of tS
all hlT ? ^^''V^' pure fountain, for a right improvement?
all his dealings with me. My companion is now absent on a mis-
Island. I trust I do not wish him otherwise engaged, hoping that
a^d th t'^h^ ^' ""f !.""^ ^^'''^''^ *° som^'eVishiSgiuls
and that he may be the instrument of building ud the sniritna
kingdom of our God. God, grant him thy %^ial influence
ruth^^r^Tf*'"*^"^'^'*^^'^^ "^y «P«^k fW^he words of
s?£ s^cJS^ijs ;i7dVty r'""^^^ ''' ^''' ■' ""'^ ^^
/Scp^emier 30— Since writing last I have finioyed unnumbered
pnrJeges, ^d some of them I think I did enjoy in redUvS:
an absence from the house of worship for twrmonthT (Jwing tj
13
4'
4
I
i
I,
t
>l f
102
t^r^iXriz r.7oM*^ r^'^i^? ^»^^'-? «>-nd or
followinrTy)rt^nn-^f ^\ ^ ^''^ P***^'' ^'^e»" Manning. The
^CMS ifcuTf ^c''V^:z h ?
loS ; walk as cUdron^^^^^^^^^ %' ^« ^'fi^' ^^ ^hc
ded to-a solemn season Tht .1.^ J • ' ®"PP*^ ^^ "^^^n-
interesting seaZ itTrio r^^t^ iXl'f ifT' T? ""
with the poet, sometimes, ' ^ " ^ ^^"^** «*>
" The chriatioR would not have hia lot
Be other thon it is ;
For while his Father rules the world
tie knows that world is his "
[Wdl, dare Lt th.rfaSErl'i ''Th' 'S,'"'
to be such a rebel herflfftfn^^ *i, + t u ' " ^^^ caused me
riches of f«6 and meS',?l .5"r«";"i' "»«'" "> '^»" «»
tbe mMt „„d<»er™g! ; may ,eTl ^^id "Vn?f''/^^^
"d he that dweUeth fu We dLS in cAd Go5 iSj" O
that I am notVpared^tollSe in pS aLT** ""/" ^'S,'
•• Well he remembers Calvary,.
Nor lets his saints forget"
of health myi^^^^^ tkeMZJZ^'^i' '"'^^ «^^ ^^^
things in her heit and S .7^"^ i "^ -^^ ^H^''^^^^^^ ^" Siae
feelS^elfnes- ^^'^^ '* *^' Saviour's feet. How mv|p
103
" 1 ho fondiMH of a creature'* love,
How itrong it strikes the sense !
Thither our warm affeclions move,
Nor can wo coll them hence."
Lr^n !l! Tl *^*' ' ''"' ^^^° P''®*®^* ^" 8P*"t ^ith my oompan-
on hat it was a pure spirit at all timea, that thereby *oar
joint petitions raigh aaoend the throne of God for all those iiZ
we stand m need ot. (and for other immortal souls,) to direct S
through evenr changing scene. I anticipated his return this week
may our desires bo realized if it is the will of the Lord
JVomnAer IG.-A variety of changes have taken place since I
last wrote, while others have experienced adversity, mercies have
rtitted to enjoy the society of my partner in life again, though led
& /m' ? *^° "°t' «^P«"«°ce ^o\y intercourse with my di^e
Lord and Maater a. I want to, owing to this depraved natL S
so clogs me down I have of, late felt much coacem about the
stote of Zion m this place ; her ways indeed do lan^h that
the mighty God would rend the helvens and comedown, that the
• ZZ^T,"^rr^ ?^*PP«^^ ^««^^« thee,_thatre^loudof
mercy that is bursting about ei^ht miles East of this, may exteiS
to this corner of the Lord's vineyard, -that we mav see a ifnr
mationm thy children, whUe siWs are mLe Jdi overT^;
of tfe'mbd *Vh^« and'a^^'cloud'S:;
S f;? ^to me, for I have redeemed thee." I plainlv see I
promise. 1 think it exactly apphes to me, for my sins have becomp
like separating walls between cTod and my soul.^ Sv tS G^
Sti'rt:^rnT?^''°°?.n!^"^•^ help'^CLl-oi^^'f
W «'n?r? *° '^^' "^'^ brokenness of spirit, rending mv
be^tt and not my garments. may I realize that all thefiS
. *hou requirest as to feel my need of iee. ^
^
r
m
104
gratitudo and pleasure can 1 recount some of tl.o im-rdcs of ( 1
poso o( hcurt. I w«nt to rcalr» m„ro a„,I ,„„,,, ,?,.! r ' '^•
ner, and if „ve,. it ^'ll l,c ly frco „,„hu™S,l g™t, ' " '""
"^1}0Sr&cc, liow gront n debtor
I'nily I am coiistraiticii to bo-
Let t/mt p'ocfi, Lord, liko n fetter,
Bind my wuiitlcririfr Jiourt to thee,"
v«ii^ have found thee precious to their never-dyin^ souls -fThn
^t7.^^"*f V'7 ?PP'^Priate, inasmucli ns^the revival IZ
KS 7 l''"!; ■ ^!? *^' ^"'■^ '^'^y «f tJ'« above-ent'ry there were
an^^f..^*- ''i''' *^?,''"' '^"'^ ^" ^^« mountain in alf fifty three
White Si,'" M ^^"«^;.^°^ ««veral of whom. Father S
himll 1 * ''*^''^°°' y^ *^^ daughters, &c. have since tone
fZJ^.f^W^'crT^ ^'" with^elcometheauthrofS
&e^(^uglfh^K^^^
^LtJlfSfof^^^^^^
th/ot'L?h^f^fe!$'''' still hangs about my child ; both she and
a Lwf- ! ^ ''^'^^ are subjects of the hooping cough. I wS
«,«.« «i "* ^ .T ?* *°o S^'^at a distance from God. I feel
Sef^rr^'^'^' '' "^ ^"^ '^^"°"^' whiehtake tt
UvtlAi^^M *^'Sf- ""^''^ ^ ^''^^^y ^^^''^ h»« con^e upon me.
My dear htUe Mary Eliza is no more : her immortal spirit took ite
flight (we hope to a mansion nrfimrp^ fn^ her^ t^-^nv?.-,". -
fer «"? ."«*'^y ^«^«-t^- "^AlThou^^^^^^^^
looked for, and have triedtohold her as alentfeyor, yetle hi^mm
' w
enr lias closed and
ros8 hnvo 1 miulo
'"y liTo? With
lio iiicrcios of (lod
i;^lit rocottnt them
cast of all Hiiiiit.s;
tiahlo 11)0 not only
lieo with full pur-
tliat I am u sin-
grace,
, '»
hy; may it only
bgiving is due to
>ou hast wrought
vicinity. Thou
glorious displays
Jen made to sing
hilo many in the
ng souls.— [The
he revival com-
ingathering was
entry there were
nail fifty-three,
a, Father John
have since gone
e author of this
feel the rod of
y little daughter
mayit yield the
} ; both she and
Jough. I want
r hfe or death,
n God. I feel
rhich make the
come upon me.
i spirit took its
inorning, aged
lat I have long
t the bitteiness
105
of parting is great, with one so dear; nature cries, forbear, " but
laith disolauna the hasty plaint irni)ationt nature spokn, and said the
ill I? f ''^ -'^ '^""^•.'\ ,^ '^°I"' I ^''^ ^ '^^•'l-i'-^«c therein,
Knowing that her judge will do her no injnstice. Il.it mm 1 want
the supporting grace of (Jod, that will eiiahio inc. to frcl il„it it is a
stroke ot mercy instead of wrath; such J Ibnnd llie dcntl. <,f my
(car Lcandor. what wise [.urpoHcs tli(>ro niv in tl:.. dcsi^rns Jf
■Jehovah Make me, dearest Saviour, to seek Cor comfort and hap-
pmoss only m thee, wiio art the icstoior of the hicach.
iliay 9.— Yesterday the last duties of respect wore paid to mv
dear deceased child. Elder Manning preached; tPxt,--"For wo
niust all appear before the JudgnienL seat of Christ," &c. I hop©
the occasion ;yas solemn and interesting to all a,sscinblod. 1 desire
to be thankful that my own mind was (dare I y it) stayed upon
IJOU; this 1 hope was in some measure the eas., .md I could say
while standing by the graves of my beloved chil.lren, can I not
trust my treasures to his arms, whose changeless care passeth a
mother s love, and hope when a few hasty years their race have
run '.0 go to them, though they no more on earth return to mo 7
Uh that this blank may bo more than filled up by the sanctifying
mfluences of the Holy Spirit f I am well satisfied that the Lord
never takes any thing away, but what he gives some thing better.
"The dearest idol I have known,
Whttt e'er that idol be—
Help me to tear it from tlie throne,
And worship only thee,"
^^7/"^"^^^^^^ <^ear little Mary bo the eternal life of some soul
if y-~^'^^^»*^ afternoon. After an absence of five weeks
from the house of God, I was again permitted to enter his sanctuary
and hear these words discussed by my companion, "For our
light affliction which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more
exceeding and eternal weight of glory." A deeply interesting sub-
ject to all the children of God; it is tho word of inspiration, and
therefore is truth. what rich mercy and love, that ever devised
such a well-constructed plan of life and salvation, so honouring to
God and safe to man ! What amazing stupidity pervades my whole
May 18.--Sabbath morning. Alas, what I complained of when
1 last wrote, has been too much the case through the week. I was
led to take the composure of my mind for it sometimes, until yes-
terday 1 began to feel more sensibly the repinings of nature for my
lovely httle girl, whose body now rests in earth— I would fain hoM
a Boui gamed through the Saviour's death.
I
i
iLU
Her toils now o'er, her spirit fled,
, Her mortal part alone is dead."
106
hi&y I again say-
And each rebellious sigh
Be silent at his Sovereign will,
And every murmur die."
^^^^^^■^!^^:^:^'' ''-^
the rene™g of „y S daily ' "'"^ '" ^ '™»f»™«l V
doits P^ We ap'LVa llT^'r/f"" S''"' '»'' O"". h""
" S''® M®""^ ' ,S"'® myself away,
'Tis all that I can do."
™:^eTbtis,r4tt''j;s}?Fr'iti''- A'-.\-^^
of the Lord has extended rmScT S' °^' ^®® ^^^^ ^^e hand
rr^^Ti-SeS53^?--l-^^^^
that I ,hall not s^ndTaother birl Z^ 'l;.'-''" '^'i »' ''«'™
when the summons camM?wIf Z^"^^ '" f" «»^- <> *«
actual readinsM to mS hii .L "T" "^ '?*"•) I >»«7 he in
glory , and s^hfrnTL irt:,S^'eV.t^mn,'- ^ "'» "
appeared very comfortinir tkI • * 7 , ^^^^s upon the sam«
afeaoa towards her were ,1^1^°° "^ "stme and yeamiEgs of
tn-stl can^JoicSitX^^^i^'SlS^Ufcl^^
107
akiLg intercession
to greet her on that peaceful shore where parting will be known no
more*
1 hen come the welcome day,
Come death and some celestial band
To bear my soul awoy."
" Then shall I see thy lovely face
With strong immortal eyes ;
And feast upon thy unknown grace
With pleasure and surprise."
Lord, grant me the influences of the Holy Spirit that I may bo
tlfyTight^ ^'*^' ^''''''^'''' '^'' ^ ^^"^^ "^t^^'^S accepSe iu
^^fi 13.--Sabbath day. As my companion is absent to a re-
mote part of the Co»nty, there is no meeting near our dwellin.^
May the mfluences and comforts of the Holy Spirit be his with di
the whole Wl of God this day. that L Ssters of Chr?
may stand between a hying God and dead sinners in reality What
responsibihty rests upon them! Well mi^htthe Apostle :Paul say
"Who IS sufficient for these things?" f heir trials, how^elt
and diversified-particularly pastors of churches ! but y Mow
sweet their comforts, when they can see the increase of theiTRe
deemer's Kingdom. Many ministers and people, I trust, are\"?.
shipping God in spirit and in truth, through he wide extended
globe; but ala., how many, haye I Reason to fear.Tre too much
like nayself Imng beneath their privileges, not purified from eTrth
-their earth-boni thoughts. Surely, when I am made to feel the
force of words hke the following, I ougat to be on the alert :
" 2 '^"y ^^'^ ^°"'^ ''°'"6 »"d meet,
My soul would stretch her wings in haste ;
t ly fearless through death's iron gate,
Nor feel the terrors as she passed."
Precious Saviour, if thou art about to jemoye me hence, stir me un
to greater diligence in obeying all thy commandments, and may m?
thought be more conversant with my great and las chan^^a^d
the need of being m actual readiness to step over JordaHfat mv
lamp may bo trimmed and in bright burning. ' ^
August 7.--Am yet the spared monument of God's merov
tZZ^tf^^r^ k1 'If''' ^'^^^ """^y around me a'reTaS
into eternity Last Sabbath an esteemed christian rektive was
nterred m the silent tomb ; she had been lingering withCsu^
toon for some time ; her life was one of exemplar^ p ety^dT^I
^ -TrtrS ''? 'T^^-^*^ ^"^ Af n'owChappy
-pm. i» „t rest, msauig Goa for um most distressinir vMitati™.
while here on eutb. that I were more dispo^fflT hZ!
my .mogmation and meditation into that r'^^ff^n^lih^to
^1
ii?' i
108
wicked heart will no more disturb thp «PftlA/» ..nof r^ l-j .,
«<«!, that I shouU be imf£ti{ot^tTlJ,7^^AT^'^
have some wroriff vipw<« in i+ . K„* t i^ ^^\^^^^^^g that I may
appearing o7ffil Jreat God'' h^"*^^ ^ ^ ^T'^'ng for theglorioui
%will.° £ the Ir^pi n^^?^''^ ^^^^^ humble submission to
icat;dtom;iml^^^^^^^
sibly the worth of s^uTs • ' * '* ^ "'^"^'^ '"^^^^^ "^^^e sen-
renewed to devote myself afresh tlcll tl} w "^^ ^'^^^gatio"*
mixture am I of heaven ^Irth.^A i,i ''"t ^^""^ ^ ^*^^"ge com-
notonlyintemporarthin^^^^^^^^ and^^'^J "^ ''V'f''''
from duty. Lord irrant thJL T^;*"*"*' ^^^^P Jet am shrinking
manner throuX/ 2 conlriL T ^T'^ ^'"^ ^ P^'^<^^^^^
to endure with%aZnt'rdtrd\^;^^^^^^^^^
ma^t be only revived but added unto ?L?t^ ?^' ™y g^acea
go mard in the strength of the C^ofw 1"^^^,^ «°^Wed to
to the battle before me L il„ i ?f *' ^°^ ^ harnessed
that I may not WeTnam'^^t^lTLtylu^^^^^^^^^ 7 '^^*'
me from dead works to serve thee the livfn! Gnft . t'^ ?"'«^
what is duty and be able to perform it '^ ^'^' '^^' ^ ^"^ ^^^^
Oc/oier 26.—
" My soul with various tempests tosa'd,
«er fairest hopes and projects cross'd.
Sees every day new straits attend,
And wonders where the scene will end.
Through this wide wilderness I roam,
Far distant from my blessed home ;
My earthly joys are from me torn
And oft an absent God T mourn.
wL- ^.! f^""! ^°''^' '''^t "'°'-"y road
Which leads us to the mount of God ?
Are these the toils thy people know, ■
While in the wilderness below ?
1 IS even so, thy faithful Jove
Doth all thy children's graces prove ;
i 18 thus our pride and self must fall
•* nat Jesus may be all in all."
tress do not sJk nfi « • T ™f "• ""'' '" Jsriness and dis-
109
" O Lord the pilot's part perform,
And guide and guard me through the itorm ;
Uefend me from each threatening ilJ,
Control the waves, aay, peace, be still."
I have found the 62nd Psalm veiy comforting.
^ovjfnber 9 -After an absenct of nearly iive months. I was
permitted this day to tread the earthly courts of the Most High
and hear a doctrmal discourse by my companion from these worV
Jl rj^ll ^""""i ^ Sive thanks alway to God for you brethra!
beloved of the Lord b^ause, &c. &c."-2 Thess. 2, fs. I Sk
'rtKy'sour'' *'' ^■-^"--t^S t'-ths of th, Gospel, were
" O for a heart to praise my God,
A heart from sin set free ;
A heart that always feels thj blood
So freely shed for me."
1 do hope the work of sanotification is going on in my soul, how-
ever depraved I am by sin, and alas, too mua under iteSienw
when xt disturbs the serenity of my mind and leads JherSngJS
wons of miture to irreconoiUation at the dealings of Jehovah*^
me. I can say with a dear saint, "It is no e£y thing to brinS
the hke of me to reach the glory of heaven » ^^ ^
a n*Jr3 ^^' \^3^--Si^°« ^riti^g another year has closed, and
l?r*if^ ushered in upon me. Such wi my peculS?'flita!
ation that I scarcely had time to think about it, and Scut doubt
?eK5 tnT\ ^r,^«°«°g; but when I for ormomenj
reviewed what the Lord has brought me through during the ywr
I was led agam to exclaim as at ^former period, ^ ^ *
" Look back my soul, the Lord has been thy friend.
He 8 brought the last year's troubles to an end :
ihen what s to come, Lord give me strength to bear.
And at thy feet to cast my every care."
%^^i ino'^^ T^ H^y. "^¥ * ^'^^ surrender of myself and
Thiff finST''^ ^"'J ^?^^ T^ ^ ^^"^°« ^ ^ at hisSsposal J
This I find harder to do than formerly, though I have beenloS
to pass through enough to wean me fr^m eartlf; it must^ o^^
to the carnahty of my mind, whereas to be spirituaUy vLZi
hfe and peace. Were it not that God is go^. a comDMsionate
long-suffermg God, I could have no hope, ^y L pS yew
bring me nearer to the foot of the crossfthat I may bJ^?T^ffi
way that will glorify God and be beneficial to my 4ow1reSu^
^nt my distance from God, notwithstandin/ii the meZ of
fS:? thrstt^:t AriL^gf^^^^-Pennitted ^'
li
pubhc worship; I think in some smftll
H s,
no
degree I felt the need of a worehiDtiiiMr «r,iri» . it i,.-
oanion sewon, I felt to moZX^'mf KL^ frLrLf"""
has experienced so much of the LorX S« • ' ?^ ' ^^^
muehon ttoDSL^.n '"^■'"S T"^!- I have thought
chS^^liTS~?"°/ very «,dden death: U estS
&*ff mi „„^&'" demonmatioii, went to meeting l«,t
fied ^oZhiitl • ^^-^-^ ^^^^ ** ^ »o* aa yet been sancti-
iS fp«^r Igh,"'"^''' "" '"^ 'riU lead me to ™w m, 'XS
»™fj'^/\^'*i"'°''8l' surrounded with comuarr ancl coofiifflon T
^tt "inxt^^ V£ Sui^^ Hli^l
•dmceTVof^tidhSr ""■ "^ """ *' '"^ •»
Ill
ye sinners, and
August 80. — Sabbath evening. My companion being abeent
to-day among a branch of the Church on the Mountain, I attended
a prayer meeting ; it proved interesting to me, in some small
degree, but I well know the cause why it was not more so • my
own state of mind is deplorable,— so much inactivity prevails'— so
little as I ought to be. Oh, when shall that glad day arrive when
I with all the members of this vine shall be roused to a weighty
sense of our responsibility to our Maker and our Redeemer,—
when our hearts shall bum with love to Jesus and one another
and all unkind feelings be removed as the leaven of former diffi-
culties? A yearly meeting is expected to be attended to in this
region shortly ; may it be the beginning of good days among us !
October 4.— The anticipated meeting has taken place a week
since, being held two and a half days, in which time there were six
sermons preached at the Meeting House, with exhortations, prayers
and praise (evemng meetings elsewhere) ; the whole proceedings
were of an interesting character. At the close of the meetinga
fresh impulse was given, we can but think it was the work of the
Spirit; such confessions of past transgressions among Ministers
cannot be the work of proud nature. It was indeed a melting
time. [Ihe last sermon was preached by Father Theodore S
Harding from Ephesians 5, 25—27. His topics were, the inter-
nal, external, and eternal glory of the Church. The " doctrine
dropped hke the rain ; the speech distilled as the dew, as the smaU
lain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass'' •
the effect was most powerful, as above remarked.— W. C] I was
1^ to exclaim, what cannot a God of sovereifea power and love
effect upon his creatures 1 but alas I did not feel that self-abhor-
rence that I want to. to be more childlike, more willing to come
to the feet of my friends and enemies ! Not until there is such a
feehng among us as brethren shall we arise to newness of life I
fear. The Lord has promised that his word shall not return unto
him void ; may it be the case in this instance : indeed we cannot
but think It will.
November 1.— Sabbath day. Duty required me to remain at
home to-day, but I feel so Uttle exercise of mind upon the all-
important concerns of eternity, that I am as it were a cypher in
the Church and m the world, as it regards the life and power of
religion. I can do my part in domestic duties to my satisfaction,
at times, but seldom or ever do I fill that place in my family or
elsewhere m performing those spiritual duties that are enjoined
upon me, in the word of God and by the articles of thfi Church
JL trust It affects my heart now while writing, that I am so sinful
by nature and practice, and thereby dishonor my precious Be-
deemer so much. for quickening and renewing grace, that will
4-
if.-
i
,'?•
i ,
112
liuntW the shortneaa of^« solemnity npon my mind, viewii.
««^y. owing ,„ tL i:^;s«rtcri?Sd °g r"^
-ely .Uow .e . ^^f'^'^^^ZZ''^^^
-n^l^SlLiy il^L^.JS', ■'«»ly «I««a. «.d while I
. belS^ Sof Le tfieTwf «.
her hnsband and™ K^Jto ?U K T ^'^«! lifeless .and barren, while the things of time Tnd Ln^Ire
often pursued with avidity. ^ ^* "®
Miy 15— Since writing last a variety of changes have trans-
nired within my own observation. IVfy yonngerchild haa b^n
ferought low by sickness, and his situatioi Vas SecariiSi bit Ihe
Lord has m mercy raised him np again. In thi^Sri I hive
tioL^' d? "^ f T"^°? ?" *^^P^' ^'°g patient i^tribulL
toon. But I am so far from being what I ought to be. that I am
^e house of the Lord with thanksgiving and some dewee S
pnuse, after a season of cold winter. Nattily, how deSStfol ?!
diC\!S ^'l' "^^^ *^ '^' spiritua/Co:rn8r&^
Church haa had a long wintry season, how pleaaimr tilee Se
i^n? .K^^'-r 7^^ ^^ '«^^«n, after an absence of seventeen months oLel? them JjJ^
joung man who married a pious girl two vcarssinoA. h^v.^-
" My eoul, come meditate the day,
xiiru^"*' *'''"'' ^°'^ "*""■ '' "tanda,
When thou must quit this house of clay.
And fly to unlinowti lands."
InnJiyi?'' ^^^^ ^ '^} *° "^y '^^ t^at God is true • he haa so
wonderfully supported me in times that are past, and C ^vJd
me of mjr support in time to come, that I am rekd v to kJv T^«
rri^f lt^f.S«;rwTim'^ t^'j -caning of thes:
is stayed upoi thee/ " 1 1 t'fam'^no^a^^iv^^^^^
/£^« ^^^ "' '^^'^"«^ *^« «"i°g P«»th« of life.
^wnc zo.— A prayer meeting is again attended to at tb« \tc^
ing House, owing to the absenc! of Se pastor to attend tt W
out tZ' ' ^^y "n^r are collected h& noSt L^
«*uu pnraence uiat the Uible and other books point out. I feel at
r I^lfS If '^'°''^' ^^ ^S *^ »^ "'^^^ ^»^a I ought to
«L.- 7i,, .*^® necessity of gratitude for the unnumber^
& t^t^ !*r''^"«,^°'? ^'^S forth their Creator's pS
lift
Jufy2B.—1hree weeks ago to-morrow was aafelv delivered of a
ovely httle daughter ; thelord's goodneso in thi^Z^ncol tl
(and may I ever fool more sonsibly), is not to Ih) disreirardod
nor forgotten I desire to thank and praise him, and to devote
the hfo which he has made his care to his glory, lie has I trust
enabled mo to rise above mv spiritual enemies so fur that they
have not been suffered to molest mo with murmuring or rep nirT/
and having hard thoughts of God for tho manner in which I ha^;.
been brought so far on my journey through life. I also desire to
t Sfh- /?'•?''' f ^ ^^'\' ^^^* <^'«"«^«»«« »^t^e«» Sing
on the bright side and on the dark. *
July 24 —Sabbath day. Yesterday was conference ; three per-
sons related the dealings of God with their souls, and to-dlXo
immersed in tho Iquid stream. A good degree of union aDbears
1^ ''3« '" '^L^^""^^ ' P"^^'^ "^•^^^•"g^ -ro well atSeJ
^t .rt^- " • ""^'r """*? J'* "" ^^'■^'^^ «*■ S^'- May this be
S i! ^S^'^'^ff, g«xi days among us ! for my o^ part I
duties of hfe. I think I in some measure feel that my own
strengh is but perfect weakness. for a deep sense of obbVS
to God, and a greater confidence in him, that I may surrS
Ew :}\^7^^^ ^^J^h ^^\o Ws hands and feel Je under 'he
shadow of his wings. I am distressed to-day with the fear that
my kte exercises, as it regards submission, are a delusion. O
search and try me, Holy Father, and lead me in the way thou
wouWst have me go. A host of immortal souls are aLmffi
Je house of worehip near us ; may my companion be influenced bv
ll^^2Tfrl ^^A W'.th^i ^0 may7reach the uSch^
T iS!^^ I'T^^h ""^"^ "?*°y ^*^« ^^"^ °»y privileges since
l^. ^'^""^ ?v^ ^"^ '^ ^' ^^ Providence appokited Z
another pnvation-the absence of my companion for seven oTeiZ
weeks, going as a messenger from this Association to the BapSst
Associations in the State of Maine. I think I have aJquiescK
It, and hope I shall henceforward, for aa the poet otee^S-
" Good when he gives, supremely good—
Nor lesft when he denies ;
-Even crossffffom bis sovereign band
Are blessings in disgiune.^
Itee^ways found that the Lord never removed any temporal
godbnt what It was more than made up with Btibat^^S
Sis dieermg and supporting preeenoe I live often fS to iSS
i..
116
^ 1
v'
•taj, md htaff. iiin - it be the case in this visitation, for lurely
J need the plough of the ^Jospel to more fully root out the we^
4>I W>rr«ption m this perverse, slothtfnl heart of mine. "0 that
III/ h*«d were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears, that I
might weep day and night" for my own sins and those of others
too ! May the good Spirit of our God attend his servant on his
journey and remove the fear of man from him.
September 20.— Sabbath evening. I have been highly favored
this day in hearing the Gospel dispensed by a young Brother—
McLearn— upon the subject of being careful to maintain good
works ; a practical discourse indeed, and much needed ; may it have
some good eflect; but I have to say with the poet—
" My soul lies cleaving to the dust ;
Lord, give me lite divine ;
From vain desires and ay/exy lust,
Turn off these eyes of tnine.**
Oc/o6cr 2.— Sabbath evening. Heard the subject of uniop
among brethren discoursed upon to-day by a young Brother— Por-
ter— the inferences drawn were very plain and true. The Lord is
very kind to us m sending his messengers when our pastor is
absent. O that we might make a right improvement of those un-
merited blessings. A mysterious ProviJence to human view haa
^icted a brother of mine in the flesh and in the fellowship of the
Spirit too, with a paralytic stroke (living a distance of thirty-fiv©
milM from me) ; he is, we hope, recovering from it. But me-
thinks what a loud call, should the Son of Man come at an unex-
pected hour and find us sleeping. that his soul may experience
nearness to God m this trving hour. Stir me up, blessed Lord,
and all thy blood-bought children, to a deep consideration of our
duty while passing from this to a world of spirits, that whatsoever
our lands find to do, we may do it with al! our might, that we
mav be divested of self and of a worldly spirit and be adorned
with a spiritual mmd that will enable us to look at things no^ ,'-^>rr
as being eternal, and to bear in mind that we must soon accou-^t '
God for our transactions while here in this militant state. " ,' '
to-night aa if I wanted to be consecrated to God, that I might in
some way be useful to my fellow creatures. May an abiding sens©
ir J .^}^^^f^ i»y lieart, that I may have no rest till I put on
selfdeim'i takj up my cross, and enrage in some noble object for
the weifai o: those around me. May the corruptions of my
wicked licw V .V irt H slain, and a proper qualification granted
me for wh-*/; v ,_ ■% » rf )ie me.
October SO. a^uoks and ;.•: zbo is due to my Heavenly Father
for returmif/^ tn*) partner of my joys and sorrows for me «id
others to enjoy his society, and more Uum that, I hope, to be the
117
meaoa of comforting the saints and sounding a& altrra in thi. «.^
and to tho hearts of some poor perishinir sinne™ m J ^
case it WM oi ?»ni- i,hu ,,„ i- !_• ' uiuess mat was the
airthl/dcsires ' " to aU men m dispositioii and
crated to his service as I ourht ThS xX^L ^A ' *". ^ """^
that has gone ho„e to iC" T^foHrr'^lr'i' P"" ^>«!
if. ° 1 ■, """'"""' ^ « iu my cnnstian life
.ei^^^ro^lj^t^aesotl^lPn^s^^^
apphcat on of this DMsat/A mo„ k ■'^ssjna. that the
di/oover, tha mnyTeSnTsLersTri!' "^ ''' "^^^ hereafter
Church in this plac'LCe tfclS^^ ,The
to commence next Saturday evening not Init^f '^^ ""^^H"^'
cation, but for the benTf nf ^ v?' ^'^^^ ^°' °"'* o^ edifi-
safety Zvh 7^^ • Penshing souls yet out of the ark of
here; laden^fth tt f vam,-that God's Ministers may come
---cccmAe/- SO.-The protracted meeting is now eoing on • the
Jwo S' lltr r^^^^-craginf; it isTKnti'nued
two or three days longer. It will be a week to-morrow since it
commenced, and we doubt not but seed will be sown,Thich wi^
ere long spring up to everlaating life. Five Ministers have atten-
?oi a^''* ^T* °^- *^^^*i°^e. ^°d their preaching and exhorta-
hZ.iir^ ^'"'T^ ^^ P^^'''^"^ ' "^4 persons having had
oZlJ^^ T'" «h"«<^*^«. «e««^ n^uch stirred up, and some un-
converted souls appear anxious about their future state ; but yet
Chnlh^^ T ^° ^'''^- '^^^^'^^ ^°^ insensibility among the
thurch. My own heart is not warmed and led out with such long-
a^tZu ^ *?t'^^ 'X'^''^^^' ^"^^ «t^" f«el ^"ch anxiety thit
wbeUow *''''' Omnipotent power and lay the aspiring
^^^«7 8, 1837.-Another year has rolled into eternity, and
a Uod of love and mercy has permitted this poor worm to enter
u^n a new one under favorable circumstances, surrounded with
every common mercy which a contented mind can wish for ; her
body m health and those around her ; but though there is the same
luiness of spiritual blessings treasured up in the Lord Jesus Christ
tor my needy soul, yet I am not so active in seeking supplies as
need requires. how precious to feel and say—
" Lord, we are come to seek supplies,
And drive our wants away."
How much have I to deplore the misimprovement of my time and
advantages the past year (as well as all my life through) !
tnat 1 may be more roused up to action the present year, if mv
We is spared, be more engaged to promote the glory of God and
the good of my fellow creatures. May the Zion of God in this
place (^as well as many others) receive fresh strength from God, to
be active m every good word and work. The above meeting has
we trust, been instrumental of good to a number of souls ; three oi
lour seem deeply impressed. How many solemn considerations
tnere are to arouse every dormant feeling of the soul ! may it
truhr be the case with me !
January^ 20.— A number of deaths have taken place of late,
withm my hearing. One man dropped dead in the street, leaving
a wite and several chUdren to bemoan their loss ; this is a most
sotemn warning to the living ; surely it may be said, "in the
midst of life we are in death." Oftentimes the awful realitie- of
anotlier world seem very near, and tae solemnities of passing
through the dark valley and shadow of death are in a degree full
119
mmy yim. I know that if I am a child of God death is only the
gate to endless joy, but still the great importance of being actually
ready IS what appears to me to bo of the utmost importance.
Sr; fr T T'}^ '^ ^"""^ ""'^^ * ^«'g^*y sense of my accoun-
tability to Go(f, that trifles may not find a place in my helrt ; may
the soul that never dies, so absorb my thoughts that I may view
my fellow creatures around me in their true state, hastening to
the impartial bar of God, there to give an account for the deeds
done in the body, and not fail to warn them of the danger of
appearing there without the robe of Christ's righteousness. "Take
up the cross despise the shame," are words that often come into
y, T i* ^^-^ ^' J''"^' ^^*®^^ ^ *^o"gl^ I wanted to go with-
out the camp bearing the reproach of the despised Nazarene, and
SchoS'l75f "'f"^ u y.^y'^'S fellow men. A Sabbath
bchool has for some length of time much occupied my mind I
have hitherto felt that I had so many other duties to perform (too
many of them temporal), that I could not attend to it, but I feel
disposed now to try to surmount those difficulties (hoping the Lord
will provide a way for me, if my motives are pure), and to cast in
my mite m such a laudable undertaking ; but^ Wen I look at my
ivant of proper qualifications I am ready to shrink from the impor-
ant work of instructing little immortafs in the things perS'ng
to godhness God stir up thy children to view thf importencf
of this most noble object, that has effected so much good in thy
hands throughout the world. May we all feel more anf mo^e oS
veTblTeeTn'd^^r '"^ '^ ^^ ^" ^^ " ^^'^ ^-« " ^^ h^I
thee''^ h^lnl IT '' ''""" -T" '^'^^ *^^* I ^««ire beside
of thvliorv^ A ■ ^ ""^r\^t\^ely engaged fi,r the promotion
dfctattf ^Sine'^H^l^ S^iSf ^^^"^ ^^^ ^^'-«' ^^^ - ^^^
Januanj 22 -Sabfcath evening. Yesterday this Church had
quite an interesting conference. There appears to be some waking
o!:S ^^"^f"^^ *-^«- ?^ «P-itual wants and"he;^°tf
ot others. Lord, increase the love and zeal of us all ! May we
S&'S^l^iwt:* ^^ Apostle enjoins, «'Be ve followers ^?
uoa aa dear children, and walk m love, even as Christ hath lovw?
us and given himself for us^" This ha^ been ratW f dafoS
strengthen thou me according unto thy word : I will run the war
of thy commandments when thou shalt enlarge my heart '' It
m7Jr^K*° "*<^"^ P'^Wic worship fo-d^i^ but this did
r !^^i« 'J? *"^^' ^»^°%; ^y Foud deceitful hearl'aims to shun
Zkif^ '^i^''? ^*^^- ^^^'^^ oken from by my companion-'' Lofd, I 2
Z^^^ ' jadertaice for me. '' Although I only heard the fint
S^rr^"^"^' 'f/*" ^\f y interesting to me, and I doubt not it
was w to many others. May poor sinners feel the awful oppres-
4
;d
■)
122
IM
sion they labor "nder ; the power and tjranny of sin and Satan ia
hard bondage I had for a length of time felt oppressed in body
and mmd, and it was a very seasonable time to me. Felt verv
loth to be absent when the bright side was brought to view, but th^
ndisposition of my children prevented me, together with a wish
that others should share in the provisions of the Gospel. mav
the provisions of God's house be more abundantly blessed, and her
poor be satisfied with bread! But my exercises are so transient,
that I have many reasons to doubt whether they are of the right
kind. Purge me, precious Jesus, from filthiness of flesh and spi-
rit, and let me ting and stripping work take place with me, and a
proper reconciliation to the ways and means to accomplish it
Lord, undertake for me, and all thy tempted, tried followers! and
JL*"^/!? f •ft'"^,*^^ sorrowing in this congregation, lead
them to thy finished work for acceptance with thee. Help all to
wrestle more perseveringly against the powers of darkness, that
beholding the excellencies of thy character we may be chansed
into the same image from glory to glory. Lord, revive thy
works m the midst of the years ; remember mercy, make thv
children more watchful and prayerful.
May 9._M^ mind, how dormant in considering the one thing
needful ! as it is again necessarily involved in much care, owing to
tL8 absence of uiy companion for three weeks, who left rather un-
expectedly for Prince Edward Island (with another ministering
brother, naniely J. E. Bill), to see to the affairs of Christ's king-
dom ; may their mission be owned and blessed of God, that it may
be the means of settling difiSculties instead of increasing them
When wi 1 the pure Spirit of our God exercise the hearts of his
dear children, (yes, dear-bought by his own blood,) that their
hearts may be knit together in love 'l Lord, support thy sink-
ing cause m many places, while thou art making marvellous dis-
plays of thy power in other parts of thy vineyard.
Mai/ 14 .—Sabbath evening. Heard a young Brother— Rand— -
preach this afternoon from these words— " Whatsoever is born of
God overcometh the world." The practical part was the subject •
O may it be truly sanctified to the congregation. I feel to say
with an eminent saint, " It appears to me I have been asleep all
my days —as though I had only gone round the margin of God's
works and my own misery and helplessness. that I might from
henceforth wake up to acts of new obedience and devotion • may I
strive more against the workings of sin and Satan. Had some
dispositio- this morning to examine myself ; hope it was profitable,
though I could not find that I had that love to God I ought U,
have, yet I could not find it in my heart to hate a God of spotless
jmnty. My mmd has been in a good degree Bolemn all day, and
123
feel a longing desire to be more Christ-like, to be actively engaged
in his blessed cause.
June 4.— Sabbath evening. The Lord has mercifully returned
ray companion again to preach the word of truth and soberness
unto us. Text to-day — " Knowing the terror of the Lord, we
persuade men." A solemn and impressive discourse, urging mo-
tives upon us to induce us to live a life of piety. I think, if my
heart does not greatly deceive me, I feel more and more the impor-
tance of it, and to have more of the Spirit of Christ. I read,
*' If any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his." O
how much I need his powerful influence !
Jxine 14. — The Lord has again visited us with a light affliction,
the sickness of m^ little son ; he is a very delicate child, and the
slightest cold subjects him to disease on the lungs ; his case has
many times seemed almost hopeless, and in this instance symptoms
were alarming. A kind Saviour has in some good degree restored
him to health. My exercises through this scene have not been
very comforting. I have felt something of Job's mind — " Where-
fore is it that thou contendest with me?" But I tried to check
this, for his strokes are few and light to what my crimes are, and
merit. I would desire to feel gratitude to God for his kindness,
without selfishness. I had anticipated attending the Association
at Yarmouth, but the indisposition of my child seemed to deny this
until these two days past ; still if it is not the Lord's will tha. I
should go, I desire to be still ; but whether I go or stay, I hope I
may enjoy some of the shinings of God's face, for I think I can
safely say, nothing looks so desirable. Meeting with friends, and
christian friends too, will be rendered doubly interesting if we can
feel the weight and importance of being in the exercise of true
grace and a lively faith, glorifying God in every movement.
that I may have a spirit of prayer, wherever I am, that God would
pour out of his Spirit upon Churches and people, that we may see
God in every thing.
Jxdy 4. — A kind Saviour has permitted me to perform tho anti-
cipated journey, and returned me with my companion in health and
safety. Found our dear family enjoying much better health than
when I left them. My debt of gratitude is greatly augmented: I
may well " call upon my soul and all that is within me to praise
the name of the Lord and forget not all his benefits," not only in
temporal things but spiritual. I trust my soul was more than once
satisfied as with marrow and fatness ; the Gospel of the grace of
Crod was never more sweet to me tiian during this session; but
when I realize what a heart-searching God has and does view in
me — ^how much sin — I feel as if it was almost presumption to hope
that I had gracious exercises; but if the season has a salatary
t\
a
it if
iwn
124
y^/y 8— Sabbath evening. Had the privilege of hearine the
Gospel preached in the fore part of the day by a son of my com!
o^Xisf 'and T' ''^'^ '' ^ ^«^ °^ sixtinf embraced Z Zs
work of r Jl '• ^?'' f'' '°*'^^^ ^^^« extensively into the
work of God the mmistry of reconciliation being committed unto
iWs text '^CvS'r V^;°S^ ^'' ^°^ '^^^•" My compan-
Th if mli;« vt ' ^'1 ''^ ''^ii?l*'"' ^^^^ *^^* ye l^a^e suffered
Thp iirnf ^ P'^'^"'*' ^'^.*''^^'^' strengthen, and settle you."
hi attLlrr ""''. T'^ T'''^ ^^ The Sabbath 8^00!
has at length commenced, but we hope to have a still greater in-
gathenng to it. My adamantine heart needs to be melted t^Vew
the importance of this and every other work. wheTe the valuToT
July 18.^A regular Sabbath School was formed last Sabbath
by the exertions of the beloved Isaac (the son spofen of abov^)
So noVZw?^' ^- ^T ^°* ^^^«^*^«^ thoughtlessly (although I
do not feel those vmd impressions that I did in the winterf to
toT; wT'' r^ *^^^ rP^^^« ^ «1^« °f young wiW'feU
to my lot those for whom I have felt deep anxiety in time n^t
ajid several of whom have had their minds seriouKercTd S
three or four entertein hope in the pardoning bloXf 4e Sav^
Gol ZT\^ ^ 'hr'""^ °^ bringing^them into lJ.e folZf
those inSri?' r '?'" .^' \^" ^™ ^"* ^^^^Id, be able to instruct
those interesting females m the pathway of life? I feel indS
that I^ fpu/v '^^? "°*^^"S to%rofit\ithout divine influent
s^ek for a Slit nV'^" '^''' powerfully, to lead me continually to
gen Jl ^ P'^^""' ^''^ *" ^^^^ ^"^ P^ay ^th all dili-
ft plS7^^S-*\^^*'i'T^- H^ *^e privilege of hearing
12^1^^?^'' ^T*^^ ^"^^^^^ * discourse from John I. lltif
fe IsDeirwf • . ^* r, ^^'^^y.^r.S^M. Our Sabbath ScioSi
wa^t to T ir "'*' ^-^ ■^'",S'' ^ ^^ '^ot feel as I ought to, or
freely gzyeaad be the means of affording SS to S
^e ine means put into our hands in the fear of God thit (V-
^Idren may be enabled to work more effectuaUy ^ Ida'^nevSd''
that our imperfect works may be accepted for dhriSt^saL Ty
125
own exercises of late have not been very profitable • too mnch un
reconciliation prevails. I know I baTe need oTmuch bumblW
i^v Gn'd7or"'\^^^"°?.^' ^l' ^ ^"^ «°* satisfied S the wal
my Crod takes with me. what a base vile nnhnU ^JT* V
am, when tho Gcd of the tJmverse h^A^l&j'^Tm}
and does at bmes give me to feel that I am adoSTnto U^
" °J\** "6 all my sufferings here,
If thou but count'st me meet,
VV ith that enraptured host to appear.
And worship at thy feet."
mToThJti':;^rtA rf ;^ ?^ engagements have faUen to
my lot ot iate, that I had but little t me for writins or readinir
Sfth'Lt'tb"' rt^*^' j^^'^s the kn";^^"t s:^s
^oa 3 rich grace, through indisposition and fatigue : but I hone the
Spin has made intercession for me with groaL% which ^ot
.^„l?'1i, r^^ '''^''^'' ^^'' ^'^' tJ^^t free uninfer^uX S-
S.WirQ\^f 1 ^"^ T'^ *^^ everything else beside. OuJ^k^t
D^ of ifw^i'T ^"^ ^'^^ ^" ^°^^ ^^^^'^re useful to mera
part of It was, the two men possessed with devils comine out from
among the tombs. The illustration of it by mv «,mmnZ T.
superintends the School, led me to view moTe c^arrtheTlfof
mg grace ot Orod, how like devils men would act —and ir^A,^
SlfdV^'lT'^^^'^^^y *^^* ^^ undeZof ourie :^
humbled himself even unto death for our sakes thaf Trtl- u*
restore us unto our right mind. Heaven"hTr', heb me St
the necessity more and more of being conformed to tC O for
faith and patience to be in exercise • "^«u w mee , u toi
iVoWer 12.— Little did I think when my mind was forriM^
struck with the foregoing ideas, that I shouT/hrve to^perieS
the overwhelming affliction of a child of my corpa^oXS
toZS '"V" '"'^\i^Sree that were it^not fTthe liL^'Jf
takes to one of our neighbors who has him completely Vnd; Aw!
control, w;e should all & in danger of recervinrharsh L^^^^
however, m the kind Providence of God was^srn restorfd tlthL
use of his rational powers— W C 1 Now f« fS! J ? J v -l
lunls tnd "^n^^ ^'\S^' '''y ^°^' ^^*^ inflammXn of th
lungs, and is now too feeble to raise her head • bnf wa hr.r^ I
case » favorable, „rie^ ,he relapses. oSi feU n^^e £„t
to God in these trying visitations; but I am sensib e that mv S
to feel the smart rf the rod. that it may have its purifying
H
'1i
v., fl
m*'
r :
fe
i
126
effect, that I may have true godly sorrow for sin, that will wort
repentance unto life, may be prostrated in the dust at the feet ol
n^ insulted God, and be willing that he should reign and rule.
My companion is now preaching for the first time since the fore-
gomg circumstances have so changed. Heavenly Father, grant him
strength and grace to bear up above the feelings of human nature.
January 1, 1838.— New Year's Day. My unprofitable life is
yet lengthened out, to close another year, and commence a new
one under favorable cirbumstances, considering the many af icting
incidents to us in this short life (my children are not well, but
nothing alarming in their case at present.) This day has been
appointed as a day of fasting and praver by the Church : may it
indeed be profitable and salutary to all ; there is great need of our
being more humbled, and the great principles of Christianity more
fastened upon our minds ; I feel myself the need of the love of
God dwelling more abundantly in my own heart, to burn up the
dross and tin of my corrupt nature, and to enable me to set out
anew to win the prize, for I have loitered too long.
January 24.— I have spent much of my time of late in solitude,
as it regards the company of mortals, and alas, alas, I blush and
am ashamed before God that I have so wickedly departed from him
and caused the hidings of his face ; and the worst of all is, I do
not feel it as I should. I am not awake to the all-imprtant con-
cerns of the soul in the manner I ought to be ; no, fer, very far
am I from it, or I should not be living at this poor dying rate.
Even when I had cessation from worldly cares, I had no mind for
reflection on those points. how wretchedly depraved from the
crown of the head to the soles of the feet ! but notwithstanding
all my darkness I desire to trust in God, knowing that it is He
that can clear the darkest sky. may I yet praise Him, who is
the health of my countenance. Lord, prepare me for every
changing event. t
February 18. — Sabbath evening. It has not been my privi-
IfJ^to attend upon the public means of grace to-day, and but very
li^ upon the private ; my little family takes up my attention so
much that I can find but little time for reading, and when the
closet is not visited I feel awfully guilty, and more or less guilty
when I do, duty is performed in such a lifeless maimer. I find it
is highly necessary to leave all my trials at the foot of the cross.
Some of the trials connected with the pastoral relation have bur-
dened my mind of late ; amidst them all may I be enabled to say
with the poet —
** Loiu, draw my heart so aear to thee, I:;;') •
While through this world 1 rove,
That I may always be
Transported wi'th thy love."
127
that will wort
at the feet of
ign and rule,
ince the fore-
ler, grant him
Luman nature,
"ofitable life is
mence a new
Qany af icting
not well, but
day has been
arch : may it
t need of our
istianity more
of the love of
} bum up the
ae to set out
be in solitude,
I blush and
rted from him
of all is, I do
uportant con-
far, very far
»r dying rate,
no mind for
^ed from the
twithstanding
hat it is He
Him, who is
le for every
jn my privi-
and but very
attention so
^\>"^^ ^ have-not yet rlJe
inched ^h^\? when snail I m this mortal state be thoroughly
HnL ir® ^^""^ °^ ?^' *° ^^""'Jer my obligations aright t^
devote myself and my all a living sacrifice unto gS l Lorf help
Zel '^'' ^" ^^'^' '^^'^^ «^y «^^ «-lvation, Satof
of SS 29.--Not long since I had the unspeakable privilege
1 diatt fnTf r' "^'t^f ' ^^ '^' ^^^^ 4 commeLSg
Lord Im?«?rt 1^? '^/i*^' ""'" crucified but now exalted
liord. 1 must acknowledge (however far I fell short of beinj? in
EC^'^^vtirr "" '''''f^^ tomyrouL iS
frti: n^' ^ y beloved js mine, and I am his." AnDearancea
m the Church are more favorable than for a length of E the
^temnghandof God has pressed sore uprsome of rmem!
mX 7ufr:« Thl'^ll ''^*^ '' 'i''' ''A'^' and fon one
fcJT!! ^l*^®"'.,*^®-' *" ^"^"^^^ and we fondly hope the set time
to favor Zion wdl s<>on arrive. This I think wouldSbrd mc mSe
I'aul s words to the Philippmns--" For God is mv record how
apply It to samt and sinner. v""»i, aua
B^the7^BJli:^^^^^'\ '^*^S- To-day heard a young
JBTOther—Beckwith— preach a preparatory sermon previous to the
holding of a senes of religious meetings, from these words -pte
pare ye the way of the Lord." It ?eklly appeared to be well
appropriated to the Resent arrangement, as th? Church haveTdt
the importance of using some extraordinary means to benefiTsout
among us; they We concluded to have itherprotrSmS
ing^nd have sent for several Ministers to attend G^S^^
PrQ|ience directed the above named Brother among us a fortS^ht
sin: our support, a removal from this place will probably fol-
low, as they are not able, as might appear, to sustain a Minister
with his family. The idea of separation from long-tried friends
seems painful, but these lines ofren meet me —
" Though dark be my way,
If he is iny guide,
'Tis mine to oDey^
'1^» His to provide."
December 20. — Time is rapidly passing away; seon another
year will have rollfed back into eternity. Many have been the new
and Sresh trials in my breast the past year. I have been led to
say to-day, " I sink in deep mire where there is* no standing" —
when I look back, and when I look forward. But with regard to
looking forward to the future, as regards pecuniary matters, I have
no business with it. Our Heavenly Father knoweth that we have
Leed of these things, and will no doubt open such a door in Provi-
'ience as will most glorify his holy name, and be for our best good,
reconcile us to thy will, dear Lord, and make us humble and
tictive iii thy cause.
January 16, 1842.— Sabbath day. Heard my companion
preach from a passage in Jeremiah — " For these things mine eyes
weep." that the Church generally could adopt it ! but alas,
alas, insensibility prevails to a great degree, I fear, at least I judge
from my own knowledge of myself and some individuals. " By
whom shall Jacob arise V should be our daily cry. I too well
know I am awfully defici^t with regard to secret prayer and
retirement. I well know that this is the life of the christian.
February 14.— Enjoyed the stated means of grace to-day, or
rather attende(' upon them, for want of spiritual life too little en-
joyed. Text—" And he shall be lifted up as an ensign of the
people." My own exercises for the few weeks past have been
truly painful ; distressing doubts about my interest in the Saviour,
and such darkness enveloping my mind. Yet am often invited, as
it were, by the sweet promises of Jehovah to cast myself on L.B
kind arm • but this seems like presumption for a wretch like me.
Still I desire to cast my care on Jesus, and not forget to pray. I
fear my views of myself and of the awful nature of sin, are too
137
onse me nf
sent on the
ihes in tOur
trial to me,
corruption
feet of our
the Church
•obably fd-
a Minister
led friends
on another
sen the new
)een led to
banding" —
1 regard to
ters, I have
lat we have
r in Provi-
■ best good,
umble and
companion
( mine eyes
! but alas,
ast I judge
lis. " By
I too well
)rayer and
istian.
to-day, or
o little en-
ign of the
have been
e Saviour,
invited, as
self on Ls
ih like me.
) pray. I
in, are too
mdistmct, too much upon the surface. I beg the trial of thine
eyes ; come over the mountains of my sins, dear Lord, and let me
have unfeigned repentance therefor, and experience thy deliverinir
power from this state of insensibility and stupor of idnd, that ii
thy light I may see light. '
Apnl 1.— What a variety of scenes and conflicts have I passed
through since I last wrote ! God has laid his afflicting haTon
my beloved companion, and brought him down to the gates of
nl ;f .r°'.- ' ""''^^ \' 'f'f y ^'^' ^'' ^°^^' a°d the greater
pwt of the time w^ confined to his bed ; his complaint partly the
«^.'w M T ^^l^V^P^'^^'^V^^^g f°^ fifteen years been very
much troubled with dyspepsia, his constitution was enfeebled by it
J^i !?f T ^/^"g^V^^^'-y low with the pleurisy, and had s4pl
toms of typhus fever ; but amid it all his mind w^ in a very happy
state ; the Lord was indeed very near and precious to him -he wm
ready to sayat times, it is enough, the clayey tabernacle can bear
^nSr'T,- , * T'^- *^''' *^^* ^^^" ^'^ body was suffering
acutely, his soul was feasting on angels' food. But alas, alas, m|
mind could not share with him. The fearful forebodiigs of my
future situation, which seemed at times to threaten very Seriously
when violent famting fits came on (and indeed there seemed but I
step between him and death frequently, but he is now fast recover-
mg), caused my stubborn heart to rebel, and as I had for some
time endured the hidings of God's face, the conflict was sore. It
appears bke presumption for a wretch so vile, that has honed to
enter heaven through the merite of the suffering Saviour,3 ye?
ntlr f fT'- ^'°^ ^i°^' '' '^S^^^^^^B of his cimmaJds
to expect much of the joys of salvation. I may truly say,
" Here on my heart the burden lies,
And past offences pain my eyes."
I fear I am looking too much to myself and not enough to the sin-
atoning Lamb, - who of God is made unto us (such f ebe^ worSs^
wisdom, righteousness, sanctification and redemption." The follow
mg words came very forcibly to my mind to-day— " In the Lord
have I righteousness and strength" : but my faith is so weak I
hardly dare to apply it to myself. when 4ill the clouds of dSk-
Tn thilw^ T^' ""^^ ''''^^ ?°°' "^y "^^"•^' b^* fro"! ^^ Church
m this place? Zion mourns because so few come to her solemn
age thy baokshdmg children. rend the heavens and Sdo^
June 7. — Sabbath evening. «'»««»»«.
•' What shall I reader to my Lord
For all his kindness shown ?
My feet shall visit thine abode,
My songs addrefs thy throne." •
h
138
I know it is the duty and privilege of God's children to be offering
up praise to the everlasting Father for what he is in, and of, him-
self ; but I am led to conclude it would not become me. I live so
much below my privileges (if a child of God at all) that I go
mourning the greater part of ray time. When, when shall I be
able to rise superior to those my doubts and trials, and move for-
ward in the strength of the Lord God of Hosts, experiencing the
pure joys of salvation'/ that I had faith as a grain of mustard
seed, to lay hold of Christ as my chief good, as just such a Savi-
our as I need ; may the veil of darkness be drawn aside that I may
be enabled to discern clearly my real character. Heard these
works spoken from to-day by Mr. JObed Parker — "And that,
knowing the time that it is high time to awake out of sleep." Many
excellent remarks made. God is pouring out of his Spirit to the
Westward of this marvellously. that it might reach us, that we
may rouse up to action. I have taken a class in the Sabbath
School, and hope it may prove a benefit to myself and the preci-
ous souls I endeavor to instruct. How much I feel the want of a
spiritual mind in this undertaking, as well as in all the duties
incumbent upon me as a mother and Minister's wife in particular.
Have mercy, have mercy upon me, precious Saviour, that I may
be clothed in my right mind sitting at thy feet. [How lamentable
tha,t any one possessing the true marks of evangelical piety, should
80 indulge in evil forebodings and thereby really occasion unneces-
sary distress of mind. " Blessed are they that mourn, for thev
shall be comforted." " Blessed are they that hunger and thirst
after righteousness, for they shall be filled." Why not believe the
Lord Jesus Christ, and rely upon the fulfilment of his divine and
immutable promises ? It shows, too, how wrong it is to keep the
mind locked up from those who might be the means of relievinff
them.— W. C] ^
August 14. — Sabbath day. Very rainy. It seems almost
incredible that so much time has elapsed since I last wrote, and so
many things of importance have transpired to notice. Much sick-
ness and death have prevailed among us for several months past;
not uncommon for two in a family to be removed within a short
time. Although six of our family had the measles, yet all were
mercifullv preserved, which calls loud for gratitude and a dedica-
tion of all our powers and faculties to the service of Jehovah. For
nearly a year I have been much deprived of the faculty of hear-
ing, I thmk I may aay with propriety, one of the greatest afflic-
tions that over befel me, — so wounding to my pride, and distress-
ing to all my feelings, apd perhaps a judgment on me for past
neglect in hearing the word of God ; for the admonition is, " Take
heed how you hear" ; but as a natural cauae to be assigned, my
be offering
id of, him-
I live so
) that I go
I shall I be
i move for-
iencing the
of mustard
ich a Savi-
bbat I may
eard these
And that,
>p." Many
pirit to the
us, that we
le Sabbath
the preci-
want of a
the duties
particular,
that I may
lamentable
Jty, should
a unneces-
a, for they
and thirst
believe the
divine and
keep the
f relieving
ns almost
ite, and so
luch sick-
fiths past;
lin a short
t all were
1 a dedicar
ovah. JFor
<■ of hear-
>test afflic-
i distress-
i for past
B, '' Taie
gned, my
139
head from childhood has been easily affected with cold, and has
now become so weak that I am scarcely a day without cold in it
[J^erhaps eryBipelas in the head, common to her, was a more natu-
ral cause.— W. C] I desire to bear it with submission, as well as
many other cross Providences, and have faith to believe that pro-
mise,— " That all things shall work together for good to them who
are the called accordmg to the purpose of God," and who love him
With an undivided heart. My evidences of this are so dim, so in-
conclusive, that It seems not much to be wondered at, that I have
for a length of time been wandering on the barren mountains of
sm a-nd unbelief ; and yet it is far from the course a helpless worm
should pursue. A needy dependant beggar seeks for relief, and in
some measure I hope I have, but yet it has been with so little fer-
vour, so little anxiety to what the case demands, that I often con-
elude I shall never again see the light as I fondly hope I have
«• It is wondrous how God, when we wander from him.
Our fears and afflictions can double ;
And comfort impart to the sorrowful heart
That we never could know but in trouble."
My fears have indeed been many, and yet not of the right kind I
judge ; but for a few weeks past my mind has become more calm
(I fear more suprne), [No doubt that Satan has much to do in
preventing or ocv asionmg our want of the exercise of faith in
Christ, and humble dependance upon him in darkness as well as
light ; but a deep sense of the nature and consequences of sin, and
an exalted view of holiness, and viewing ourselves as it were envel-
oped in the one and very deficient in the other, will often lead to
feartul agitation and distress of mind. Yet where a deep sense
and abhorrence of sin, and an ardent desire after holiness exists
there true piety is implanted in the heart ; in such cases the chris-
tian should endeavor to trust in God, look upward, and strive to
walk by faith and not by sifrht. It is evident this course would
contribute to much more comtbrt in the soul, and be more pleasing
m God's sight.— W. C] and anxiously desirous to throw mysetf
at the feet of the Saviour, believing that '« He is able to save unto
the uttermost all that come unto God by him." for the Spirit's
teaching, without which we cannot do anything aright ! What a
dwarf m religion have I been all my days, and how unprepared to
lead ;ny cmldren in that straight and narrow path which leads unto
eternal hfe ! We have had some encouragement of late, that our
God has not wholly forsaken us as a Church ; two youn<' fi>ma!'»
have professed hope in the Saviour, and we hope will ere long make
It mamfeet publicly; a number of young persons seem wixioTO
•bout their state. The Church is too much asleep.
ii'
v.
AM
ill
at I
140
October 23.— Sabbath evening. I have this day had the privi-
lege of sitting at the table of the Lord, and commeiaorating his
death. His precious language to his followers was much in my
mind—" As oft as ye do this, do it in remembrance of me" • but
alas, I could see plainly that my thoughts were upon my own sins
and sufferings, more than upon the sacrifice made for them. I
(sould truly say, " Lord, I am oppressed, undertake for me." I
live at such a distance from glorying in the cross of Christ, being
crucified to the world and the world to me,--live so little by faith
on the Son of God, that I have great reason to fear I shall yet be
a cast away. My mind is so harassed with past and present delin-
quencies as It regards the training of my children, which course is
best to purs'ie I cannot all times judge ; though I well know I do
not pray enough ; for a length of time such darkness has veiled
my mind, that I am truly groping my way unprofitably. I felt a
little encouraged to-night in reading these words—" thou afflic-
ted, tossed with tempest and not comforted, behold I will lay thy
stones with fair colors, and lay thy foundations with sapphires."
"And thy children shall be all taught of God." Can it be possi-
ble 1 for strong faith to carry them in the arms of my desires
to the Saviour, and entreat him to subdue their stubborn wills, and
bring them into subjection to his easy yoke and reign. "They
that trust in the Lord shall be as Mount Zion, which cannot be
removed." Grant that it may be my happiness, precious Saviour.
November 18.— Sabbath evening. My companion spoke under
many discouragements to-day from ' Unto you that fear my name
will the sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings, &c."
Ihe attendance small, and so much apathy and worldly conformity
abounding ! I have myself been an eye-witness of much levity
and trifling for the week past, and that too much encouraged by
^ose who ought to reprove such unfruitful works of darkness.
Observing the influence it is having upon my children, I am truly
pained at heart, and feel that I need special wisdom to enable me
to do what I can to suppress it. that the fountains of the great
deep were broken up in my own heart ; then should I feel more
anxiety about those nearly allied to me. I do hope I feel desirous
of redeeming the time, knowing that the days are evil. for
more real piety towards God ; then should I be able to discharge
the duties of a christian mother. How true is tie Ismguage
" To spend one day with thee on earth,
Exceeds a thousand days of mirth."
January 10, 1843.— My frail life is yet lengthened out to enter
upon another year. how little I know whether I shall live to
see another or the end of this ! The great point is, to Kve every
day as though it was my last. I well know I should be loth to be
God'i
141
nr^nd^fnf /^ri^^Jf*"™*^ '"^ the present unfeeling state
ot my mind J for I feel, while a protracted meetine ia in on?rfttion
among us so very little like wh5,t I ought toVthft I m mdy to
conclude I never knew what the power of reli^on waa ^ut iw 1
too well know the cause of de^h and darlSess^my Bible iv
closet are neglected,-my increasing cares and mVatJoas n^
?ttnLT^,r^ "^^ ^ "°J "^ '^y '' make LCr^d K
meetings, so fer, have been somewhat encouraging, but we want to
Bee a greater breaking up among the Church^nd in my^^heai?
for their "ul ' ^' """^ "^**^S what God haa doni
Februari/ 4— The work of God is still progressine eraduallv
among us ; a number of the youth seem to tSTey^hf^feW
nenced a gracious change, while others are notTtiXd, but S^
seeking for somethmg greater; among the numberTmy eldS
daughter, ten years of age, whose attention waa arS Sb'
powerfully during the protracted meeting, but owing to^rnaS
temperament cf her mind she has manifested rimes burS
concern. During the last week she ho^Tw si^aTe forri^^^^
and IS more intent upon reading her BiWe and retirem^nf 3
to-day wants to tell her exercises to the Church. IhauTtay Sa
haa brought an inexpressible trial upon me J (indeed I f^l iTtob^
80,) her childhood, lc. &c. togetheVwith m awful Sncy on
^Lr' f r*™'*T ^""^ ^' ^'^y Precepla of the Sf not
wadmg, studying and praying over it with he?, as much m I ouSht
Hfe^r. rV •; ^J""^^ ^^' ^^«^ 1 1«>J^ back u^"my Zt
wtt^I ?' ^T*" °^. *.^' ®Pr * ^*^« b««^ b'^t «"le in exercTse^to
th^H^.TK*^-*"'""'^ •^' ^^ *^ ^*^« *^ ^«»b (if one) suffer on
with whom is forgiveness, that he may be feared," and hence-
forward be enabled to redeem the time, ananeuce-
♦1,^^'?^ 23.-Sabbath day. Since writing kst I have nassed
?£r.if J^5''*t!^ i^ ^^°^«« ^ tbe religion of Jesus. I W
J^ent^S f.^PPy T*^V^* «^««^"'*1« daughter, onX
^^n w^fa "IS^S"^ ' ?''* *^' y<>'^g Pi«^t waa !nly lent me
ueavenly J'ather saw fit in infimte wisdom to take her to hiiieffi
Jo ^
^ ■
I
142
•
t© dwell, I hope, where no mortal can conceive what he hath pre^
pared for them that have been washed and made white in the blood
of the Lamb. But the parting scene was made more tolerable
than I could have anticipated, owing partlv to my own illnees,
which was occasioned by the siokneas of the* dear babe, my physi-
cal powers getting out of order through loss of appetite and rest,
together with anxiety and distress at seeing her suffer (the com-
plaint was inflammation on the lungs). I endured excruciating
teain for the greater part of two days, and nearly all this time the
little sufferer was struggling with the king of terrors, though
sometimes apparently asleep : but she is gone, and I think I have
been enabled by supporting grace to adopt the language of the fol-
lowing lineh—
" Farewell sweet babe !
Thou art no longer mine ;
Tby pulse has ceased to beat,
Thy spirit's gone.
The stroke is heavy, but I'll not repine,
My soul exclaims. Thy will, O God, be done."
I have been satisfied for a length of time that I needed the rod of
affliction to bring me to consider ; and my greatest desire is now
that it may be sanctified, that my mind may be aroused to health-
fill action. If I am not deceived, the precious Saviour he- already
enabled me to look on him whom I have pierced and monmed, and
has encouraged me to exercise more fiiith on him. that I could
say, I must, I will, I can, I do believe. The word of God seems
verjr sweet, and the promise — " Thou which hast shewed me great
and sore troubles shdt quicken me again," meets my wants.
May 8. — Our family, or four of the children, are now exercised
with the whooping couch, but not yet very severe. may I and
they be prepared for whatever awaits them in the journey of life,
whetiier it be long or short ! I think I am sincere in the desire
and request that their souls may be saved from everlaatiBg burn-
ings, whether they possess much of this world or not. I do hope
I have had some gracious exercises, since God has called me to
resign some of my earthly comforts TWs passage was very sweet
to me this morning — " In whom we have redemption through his
blood, even the forgiveness of sins." But I want to live nearer
the fountain, to be enabled to impart wisdom and instruction to my
children and others before the streams lose any of their healing
qualities. may I draw near to God, for he has promised to
draw nigh to such ; but without thee I can do nothing. * t:
Jvne 27. — My companion is now absent to the Association. I
trrot it may be a refreshing season, not only to his soul, but to
many others, that the kingdom of the dear Redeemer may be
148
jdronoed. In looking back upon my past Ufe I see much to deplore.
but yet much, very much of the Lord's goodness to record. 1 find
that 1 am often the subject of sore conflicts, but I am warned
not to thmk It strange concerning the fiery trial, as though some
trf & Wpenea unto me" : but if /only could make my
T^,i°u^^ "through dismal deeps and dangerous snares," 1
should be better satisfied ; but I awfully fear my besetting sin ig
impatience and fretfulness, and I thereby lose sight of the meek
and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price.
for a coming down to the feet of the Saviour, and a disposition to
follow his blessed example ! ^
.J''V'~'^^ '^ the thirty-sixth anniversary of my Ufe, and it
seems like a dream. How true is the scripture—" Our life is even
as a vapor that appeareth for a little while, and then vanisheth
T^/ rP.t7 '''''''■^V ^ ^'"^ *^« ^<>^*h and nearness of eter-
mty. O that my mmd was more forcibly impressed with its
solemmties, that I might realise how fast souls are hastening to tSw
ludgo^ent seat, the tribunal of the Most High God, and use mJ
^est endeavors m the strength of AlmightyVace to save them
from going down into the pit. Lord, revive thy work in this XZ
and everywhere. The mtelbgence from the different Church^ of
revivals ofrebgion is truly gratifving ; may they be praying ener-
getic characters m the kmgdom of Christ. For a leng^of time I
t;;,'rd\:itux:r^"^«' thybXuponthe
« Accept the trust, accept the care,
O Father, which I bring to thee :
And let this holy act of prayer
Exert its soothing power on me.
This burdened heart, this throbbing breast
Would fain discharge its heavy load ; '
But where can it securely rest,
Save in an all-sufScient God?
I dare not sink, 1 dare not weep,
Beneath the chastening of thy hand ;
Yet unsustained I cannot keep
My spirit girt to thy command.
Assist me, then, assist me now
To cast my weight of care on thee ;
Submissive at thy feet to bow
And hear what God will speak to me."
Nkwton.
The principal burden that Kes near my heart now is the char«» of
my cmiaien, although 1 suffer in many ways from the disadW
te^ of not h«inng as well as formerly. « fond unbelief is sure
to err, &o. &q. th«t I were ttiare diligent in applying to the
a.
m
:ll
144
fountam for the supply of all my wants, and enter upon another
year of my hfe more devoted to the best interests of my own soul
and those around mo. Grant it, precious Saviour.
Au&ust 23.— I have to complain of very great insensibility to
the all-important concerns of religion ; one cause perhaps is, I am
80 much of a Martha. Necessity seems to demand it ; the support
we receive is so limited, that we are obliged to cairy on farming
pretty extensively ; this I cannot think belongs to a Minister of the
Gospel ; it not only secularizes his own mind, but if his companion
has a spuntual mind it must tend to paralyze it; such I awfully
fear haa been the case with me.
September 6.— For a length of time it has been a rare thing to
hear of a death in this vicinity ; but in an unexpected hour the
head of a family, a neighbor of mine, was laid upon a bed of sick-
liMfl, where she lanquished for nearly a fortnight, and then fell
asleep m Jesus, leaving a most affectionate husband and six chil-
dren to mourn their great loss. I would fain hope this visitation
has led me to feel more sensibly the necessity of being in actual
readiness to die. for greater reconciliation to the dealings of a
Sovereign God with me, that I may continually sit at his feet and
learn of him.
December 31.— It seems incredible that almost four months
have elapsed since I noticed any of the exercises of my mind here
especially when I have passed through so many different scenes. I
have been called to experience a new scene of affliction, in personal
Illness. Nine weeks of debility and weakness, though not suffer-
ing much pain; time often appearing very short, and the necessity
of having my lamps trimmed and in bright burning, of the greatest
miportance ; much of my time, when my mind was awake a all
was spent in mourning over my mispent life,— so little done fc r him
who I trust has done so much for me. I hope I enjoy some of the
passive graces, and through the unbounded, unchanging goodness
of God I am now so far recovered, that I can attend to some of the
concerns of my family. I may well saj; ''What shall I render
unto the Lord for all his benefits 7" Surely I have the most rea-
son to bless and praise his holy name of any of his tried children,
and yet alas how little of it is manifested ! the enemy still keeps
me m bondage with too much of a closed mouth upon those most
interestmg subjects. I think I can safely say—
" Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by thy help I'm come ;
And I hope, by thy good pleasure,
' Baieiy to arrive at home/'
And )i?ere it not for unbelief which the Saviour whispers " begone,"
iAAl
145
)»
I would take the cup of salvation and call upon tho name of tho
Lord more fullj than for some time back.
•• Thia year is juat poinjr away,
The moments are finishing fast ;
My heart, have you nothing to aay
Concerning the things that are past ?"
Yes, man^r things of a public, trying nature, affecting the Baptist
denommation, have transpired, but the government is on Imma-
nuers shoulders.
" Though men of spito against mo join,
They are the sword, the hand is thine."
The great wheel of Providence is moving round, accomplishinethe
perfect plan of God. make me like a weaned child, that I mar
acquiesce more cheerfully in all thy dealings with me, especially in
fte partial loss of my hearing, which I find to be often a sore trial.
Urant me wisdom and strength the coming year, if life is spared,
to honor thee in my family, in the Church, and in the worR nre-
cious Saviour. ' ^
J'^nuary 1 1844.-Thi8 day as usual is observed by the
Lhurches of the Baptist denomination as a day of fasting and
prayer. May it indeed prove a salutary season, t^at sorrow for
past vjongs and holy desires for future refc ,tion may evince
iteelf hereafter. that the children of God were more diLent in
studying the Scriptures as the rule of life, and I among the num-
ber, that our humility and faith might be more apparent. Grant
us, Holy Father, a spirit of grace and supplication.
January 7.— My companion is this Sabbath day addressing the
youths more particularly; they appe.u- to be getting on from one
degree of vanity to another, and while the Church is so little con-
formed to the requirements of holy God, we cannot expect much
else. U may not the word b^ as water spilled upon the ground
Have mercy, have mercy, dear Lord, and appear for the deliver-
ance of Zion and enable us to say —
" My spirit glows in Faith,
My heart m strong desires ;
And God will come, will come.
Ere the lamp of life expires."
January 15.— Sabbath day. Being at home, alone, except my
little son, I have more retirement than through the week. Being
afflicted with sore eyes, I cannot sit up late at night, andmy
health 18 not fully recovered to rise early ; hence my mind becom^
^ iiiuca aosoroea witu the temporal concema or wants of my
ftmily, and is exercised too little with an imploring spirit* that,
whUe my hands are employed my desires may be afipend^ up-
■' W
I ■
146
iirarda. I often feel that I have great need of learning again which
be the first principles of religion. may an earnest desire for the
salvation of the youths and others around us characterize our pro-
ceedings. Death is making breaches among them. A young man
was buried the past week not far from us, and at the next house
one 18 fast sinking into the grave with consumption, and several
others are on beds of languishing. may they be prepared for
their great and last change !
February 19.— Lord's day. Last Sabbath I went to the house
of God for the first time for four months. My companion preach-
ed; text— "He was despised and rejected of men, &c." I felt
the want of my hearing very much ; did not enjoy myself as I
wanted to., though I felt somewhat grateful that my health permit-
ted me to attend, and to-day fear thut I conferred too much with
flesh and blood ; my health will not permit me to do as I have
done. 0, 1 hope I may be kept from dishonoring God by indul-
ging m inactivity or fears of venturing too far. There is variety of
schools m which it seemed needful lor me to be taught, I want to
be improved aright, so that the work of sanctification may be going
on, and I be prepared for a seat at God's right hand. make
me such an one as I ought to be. Heavenly Father. May my
children manifestly be brought within thy covenant. The Church
have so much revived as to establish prayer meetings ; it rejoiced
my heart to hear of them, may good result from them.
March 3.— During the last week I have passed through an
almost overwhelming affliction. My dear and honored father haa
gone the way of all the earth,— has passed from time to eternity
has put on immortality in the regions of glory and happiness, and
Will be forever satisfied, because he has awoke with the likeness of
his Saviour and God. We cannot doubt of this, if a holy life and
conversation, with every other incontestible evidence, are marks of
acceptance with God. I feel* the loss most sensibly, for he waa
one of the best of fathers, but I quite forget my own sorrow
when I think of an aged and infirm mother, and a lone sister, that
has so long experienced his tender care and attention; but were it
not that the Gospel has made such provision for human weakness,
and given such great and precious promises, not only to the widow
and fatherless, but all others, I might have reason to sink and be
cast down. help us all as a family (four brothers and two sis-
ters, only three of them public professors), dear Lord, to apply to
tiiee, the overflowing fountain, for the sanctification of this severe
bemvement, so sudden and unexpected— only three days ilhiess;
I did not sret to see him whilA "i'^lr ^i^a ni>w>{/.;«n »n» •»"
toted J work i a7Ci ,f°'i5r vt.fffiLt'iS' ^
glory may redound to Pathur ^™. .„j n i S? ™y'. "** """*
Eboi of 'snite created lC;'„f'?i^AO''«'. A™"* the
nient from these words " 'n7xl^\^ ^'^ *>?' enoourage-
one that darSait the S^ ^Zl ^"^^^^ ? "°7 ""^ «
he so^iJKa'M'":", "-^^ ^« ae natural body «m™t
Oc/oier 6.— Sabbath eveninff. A few rlava «««^ i,'i n
ting on the scanty knowledS^f had o7rT ???' ^^^^ '®^^
s^^y^j:r.l^fe:£?£JS^:^Xror|;
of compassion and wwS lS„?"T't'"'T!' is a God fcB
" My spirit looks to God alone ;
My rock and refuge is his throne.
In all my fears, in all my straits.
aiy soul on his salvation waits."
and submissive, and to bIJ-^ ^ *"" ""^ ^"^^ 1 want to be quiet
« But to thy guardianship I trust
Jiarth s dearest things to me ;
Befal what may, most wise and jasf.
i My soul confides in thee."
i:
150
eye shall see him," &c. Ac. I was not present to hear the disi'
course, but from the nt aral tendency of the text, if managed
judiciously, I concluded ,s must be very solemn and interesting,
and such it appeared to be to a numerous congregation. No doubt
there were many listless hearers to a subject of such overwhelming
importance. Lord grant that it may not be as water spilt upon
the ground, but the eflfects be seen after many days hence ; may
my own mind be roused up !
December 8. — Again have I experienced the faithfulness of a
covenant-keeping God in making me the mother of a hne daughter,
and restoring me to a good degree of health. I may well say,
" Bless the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits" : but
to my shame and confusion I feur I have noi, manifested my love
and gratitude to my gracious benefactcwr by seeking him with my
whole heart, and daily surrendering myself and all my concerns
into his hands. I feel indeed that I am following the Saviour at a
great distance,— so little of a spirit of prayer, and hence too little
interested in the advancement of the Redeemer's kingdom. The
Baptist denomination in this Province and N^w Brunswick are
raising funds to send a Missionary to Burmah ; he is now preach-
ing in our Meeting House, and will have a Missionary Meeting
to-morrow evening, I hope the hearts of the people will be
opened to contribute largely for such a noble object. Death is
making many ravages within our Knowledge ; in the course of a
few months two brothers of mine have been called to part with
their companions ; both died in hope of a glorious immortality. I
regret that it has not as powerful eflFect upon my mind as I could
wish, to enable me to be in readiness to go out to meet the bride-
groom.
Decembt r 29. — Another year is nearly come to a close, and I
am, with mj family, all spared, but may not see the close of it
My mind is much exercised about my children. I feel the want of
a spirit of prayer, but still am desiring and hoping that God will
open their eyes to see their danger ; they are surrounded with
temptations, but the greatest danger lurks within. stretch out
thine arm of delivering power, thou eternal Jehovph. I do hope I
have had some little godly sorrow for my coldness in religious
things. Oh may my repentance be such as needs not to be repen-
ted of A naked human heart can be tolerated and compassionated
only by the God of all grace, mercy and love, and 0, consoling
thought, such is the being with whom we have to do ; but let me
not presume too much upo. the goodness of God — his justiofe must
bo satisSed ; and here a^iin our gloricas intereessioa hai made
ample satisfaction. my soul, wonder and adore, and leek to
honor such a Being. •
151
r the dfs^
r managed
Dtereating,
No doubt
rwhelming
spilt upon
se ; may
Iness of a
daughter,
' well say,
fits": but
d my love
L "with my
concerns
iviour at a
i too little
om. The
iswick are
•w preach-
' Meeting
e will l^
Death is
>urse of a
part with
tality. I
iS I could
he bride>
ose, and I
lose of it
lie want of
; God will
ided with
tretch out
do hope I
religious
be repen-
bssionated
consoling
ut let me
itio6 must
hoil made
leek to
#
February 2i, 1845.--Yesterday had the privileffe of attendini,
conference, after an absence of several months; mffe^^T^ei^
very much moved while speaking of the Lord's kinie^rmn
3 • ^"i'^y^y ^f\^^ ti^^es that there is life in a holy GcS' a
fountain that cannot fail, " a gentle hand that can wine the te^r
and soothe the contrite wail." ^But while I mraXr to^5
fellow creatures to have strong faith in God, and toriTlg n^J
tohim I cannot deceive the searcher of hearts: hewdlK
the awful deficiencies daily manifest. Oh, it is one thLrto app^
5t o?G*oI '"^ '' ""^'^' *"' ^^^*^^^ ^ ^ reauf so iffi
" This mountain piesaes down our faith
And chills our flaming love."
I want to be more awake to the necessity of agonizinff in nraver
(and of wresthng hani with sins and iubts S fefrs\ Kl
Ministers and Churches and all flesh. ^ *^'
Junes.— A variety of scenes have taken place since writing
t^r ThS ^^^Jf ^^^' ^^^^'^^ '' noticing,^di5 timeld^p^cf
permit. There haa been a quarterly meetiSi of Ministers with
th.s Church ; t proved to be a refreshing seasL to ^ny "oSs^
nothing special to appearance as yet With regard t« tKcJnveri
PL^ promise IS-- My word shall not return void" b^t
Zion mourns because so feT come to her solemn feasts A short
time since my expectations were somewhat raised ^h the siS
mi^ht be said of hun, - Behold, he praveth." I fed the ^ed of
being duly quahfied to instruct and lead his tender mind Ltlfind
^necessary to try to put my shoulders to the woX 'for a f^w
weeks past his mind is too much asleep, and oh I iwfulJv fe J
my own want of spiritual life and dehnqumies may b^tt caus^
iil^rM '^ '^^'' I '^' '^'' «°^"^« 0^ account of m^^^^^^
ciencies ! My prayer often is, wherein I have erred in any rLlS
Sre^'trdT'^ ^'.^''^''^ those precious souls commSto^m^
care, Lord forgive, forgive, and grant me strength and wisdom to
do my duty in future. What a consolation thai there is a GcS in
«ffnr/i' ^'""f^ ^ ^^°«^°* of contending SJss^sou?
&Hfer:lnT f^'' (tl^e, thoughts oh child' suli^g
tnrougn lite tor want of the parent's doing their duty is moat dia!
teessing to me) ; ^d I often fear I have left undone thoTelinS
m many respecte that ought to be done. I well know Z I S
not pray enough for this and every other object,
at AmL«.7^ companion is now absent to attend the Association
wn tZ C?n '' E^^r ^ "^ ^'^^^^^^^g ^^ profitab W
wn. lime has appeared short to me of late. Not W since ^a
Mowing words struck my nund forcibly-" ThS "£^7^
s
l-i
% i
162
;#
seek shall suddenly come into his temple." It has impressed mv
mind different ways, but not half so much as I want it to. My
attention is so divided, and not enjoying very good health, I can
aay vnth the Psahnist, " I am shut up that I cannot come forth."
"0 may I feel submissive at thy feet to bow, and hear what God
will speak to me." My temporal drties are so burthensome, on
account of small means, and my aim and desire is to owe no man
anything. When will the Churches feel the importance of sup-
porting the Gospel properly 7 Oh how many gloomy hours might
th^ dissipate were they disposed to make more sacrifices in dress
and at their table ! how much better do I find it to fall into the
hands of the Lord than into the hands of men ; but I am truly a
child of Providence, fed and clothed, particularly the latter, in an
unexpected way. God is good, forever good, " a strong hold in
the day of trouble." Let me take shame to myself that I abuse
his mercies so, and do not seek for daily communion as I ought.
August 1.— Sad and sorrowful hsare I passed many hours since
I last wrote ; the reasons are too «bviou3— all the graces are too
dormant ; faith is weak, and love cold, though I cannot 1 ;t think I
love the Church in adversity as well as prosperity,— but uere again
this IS defective. This Church has been involved in diflSculty for
a length of time, and has been obliged to withdraw fellowship from
some of its members. Ardently have I desired that its officers and
leading men, as well as all the members, might be under the influ-
ence of grace, cultivating much of the graces of the Spirit, that
spiritual strength and discernment may be granted. It is written—
" The joy of the Lord is your strength." may we all be found
waiting upon God, that our strength may be renewed daily.
October 19.— Sabbath evening. This has been a very quiet day
with us, as my companion is absent at Windsor ; no meeting— not
©fren a prayer meeting near us; the Church is in a lamentable
stete, I fear. «' the hope of Israel, the Saviour thereof in time
of trouble," do thou put to thy helping hand, and rouse thy chil-
dren up to duty, to make sacrifices to send the Gospel to the
remote parts of our own Province, where many are perishmg for
Ia«k of knowledge. Alas, my own mind is too earthly, too little
under the influence of that love that caused the Saviour to bleed
and die. may eternal reahties appear nearer to me !
December 7.— Mv companion is now attending (and has been
for nearly a weekj the sick and dying bed of his aged father, now
in the eighty-ninth year of his age, but who has enjoyed uncom-
mon good health of body and soundness of mind, and has been a
great bluing to society,— a member of Parliament for twenty-one
years, where he contended for the rights of the people with un-
daunted firmness and zeal— a person of unoommon benevolenco
153
y,ii
ressed mr
: to. My
1th, I can
oe forth."
what God
nsome, on
re no man
;e of sup-
urs might
3 in dress
11 into the
m truly a
;ter, in an
; hold in
it I abuse
ought,
ours since
es are too
it think I
lere again
Bculty for
ship from
Seers and
the influ-
pirit, that
written —
I be found
quiet day
ting — not
imentable
)f in time
thy chil-
)el to the
ishing for
too Uttle
' to bleed
has been
ther, now
i unoom-
as been a
renty-one
with un-
oevolenco
and kindness in aid of the cause of God, education and every bene-
volent object which called for his assistance (his mind was very
much immersed in worldly concerns the greater part of his life,
consequently not so actively en iged personally for the salvation of
souls as we could have desired), but is now going to his reward,
we trust. His mind is composed and happy in the prospect of
death.
" Then oh may those who have gone before
Welcome him to the happy shore."
May the scene be *ruly sanctified to all present, and be a faithful
monitor to relatives and friends. Lord, revi-e thy work, in the
midst of the years make known, and in wrath remember mercy.
" Saviour, visit thy plantation,
Grant us, Lord, a gracious rain ;
AH will come to desolation,
Unless thou return again."
February 10, 1846.— Since I last wrotC; death has deprived us
of near and dear friends ; my husband has lost one of the best of
fath'^rs, and I am bereaved of my widowed mother ; the secr^ud of
this month she was relieved from a suffering life, we trust, to join
the companion of her joys and sorrows in a better world. Mr.
Chipman's father was buried New Year's day. He was sweetly
resigned to the will of God, and patient in his sufferings, yet pre-
ferred to depart and be with Christ whenever the Lord was pleased
to call him hence. His hope was firm, resting on the merits of
Christ's death ; nothing intervening to disturb his settled rest, and
we doubt not he fell asleep in Jesus. I have for some time felt
that I was preparing for the rod ; so much worldly-mindedness,
and so little of a spirit of prayer, — this being occasioned too much
by the neglect of it. And now my companion is laid aside from
his labors with a glandular swelling under his arm; what the result
will be, we know not. prepare us all, dear Lord, to endure
chastening whereof all are partakers. May it be our ultimate aim
to glorify thee, as we sensibly feel to say with the poet —
" What shall we wish or wait for then,
From creatures, earth and dust ?
They make our expectatiuns vain,
And disappoint our trust."
March 4. — ^My dear companion is again measurably restored to
his usual health, but rather languid at times ; in how many ways
the mercy and kindness of God is made manifest, in the midst of
clouds and darkness, and as one and another of our dear friends
and relatives are leaving us and causing a great blank. O may we
daily feel that we too must soon follow them mto a world of spirits !
It is high time to awake oat of sleep, for the day is fiur spent, and
k
154
the Tught IS at hand. Solemn and weighty considerationa-upon
which the most intense solicitude is necessary, and indifference
thereto the most absurd. Urd have mercy upon Zion and
may the set time come speedily to favor her; and shew us our
duty, and give us strength to perform it, as members of churches
garents and neighbors. Change the hearts of my children, deai
bayiour, and make them mild ; and as I trust I have devoted them
to thee in infancy (though not with sprinkling), dare I say with
my prayers and tears (0, I hope so !) ? Grant to clothe them with
the garments of salvation, and make them the honored ic trumenta
of promoting thy glory.
Mjirch 15.— Many have been the changes with me since I last
wrote. In addition to some outward afflictions, the subtle foe has
aimed his fiery darts to wound me to the heart ; I have been under
strong temptations to look upon the dark side of almost everythinff
and this no doubt is the effect of wandering from a God of snot-
less purity ; possessing but little of a spirit of prayer, I have not
obtained grace to help in every time of need, I fear! Tow true do
I find that passage—'' They that sow to the flesh shall of the flesli
reap corruption." For a few days past I have felt more than usual
anxiety for the souls of my children; I witness some of them to
all appearance becoming hardened in sin and folly— no fear of God
before their eyes, and every moment exposed to be sentenced to
everlasting misery. vv« w
" And fain my pity would reclaim,
And snatch tlie fire brand from the flame."
that I could say with David with regard to them—" But I rive
myself unto prayer"— knowing that the effectual fervent prayer
of the righteous availeth much; but here is my great deficiency.
Lord of glory, have mercy upon us all, and c. the us in our right
March 22.— Yesterday attended conference. Although few in
number, yet it was better for that few to disappoint the enemy
than to have remained at home (if the roads were bad). I still
teel (in a small degree, I fear,) anxious about my children more
than others, and this is selfish, I know. We Jre all reading
James 8 "Anxious Inquirer," and I am very desirous that it
should be made a blessing to us all, that the Spirit may set it home
upon the heart of old and young, or whosoever may read it. It
seenoshke a messenger from God to awaken our drowsy powers :
It 18 Lke standing beside the dying bed of one of our fellow mor-
tals, solemnized by the exercise of religious emotions; the feelings
are elevated, and we feel as if there was but a step between us^d
tur^ ^^ "^^^ ^"^^""^ ""^ <>^® <>f ™y daughters-eight years
9W. O that she may never expeiieace ano&er, with her heart
« W k»
100
opposed to God. I feel daily the great loss I have sustained in the
death of my parents; but I shall soon go to them, I trust • no
wonder affection bngers about such departed worth. sanctifv it
dear Lord. ^ '
April 16.—Death and funerals are becoming very familiar to
us. One of our valuable Church members was carried p„st our
dwelling laat week to the tomb (his name, Mr. John Meryon^ • he
jias been a doubting character, and fearing to sin ag^nst God
m any form through life ■ henco he lived the life of the righteous
and eminently died so. Several months previous to his death he
attained to the faith of assurance, and was as happy as an arnrel-
Jus wife wrote to me that she had sat by him night after night (and
thojr were precious moments), trying to instruct herself how to live
and how to die ; and the parting struggle was hers, but she had no
wish to retain him here, for he seemed like an inhabitant of heaven.
U the goodness of God to such worms of the dust! Help me to
praise thy precious name, dear Redeemer, and trust in thee for
dying as well as living grace. May the bereaved widow be strong
in tne Lord ; about four months since she buried one of her daugh-
ters, and has but one child living now, and she is in delicate health •
all will be well concerning her and all of us. To-day a funeral of
a very different kind : a man living about two miles from this
being pressed for the payment of a debt, it so weighed upon him
that he became deranged and cut his throat. He lived about ten
days, and died begging for mercy in the exercise of his rational
senses. He has left a wife and ten children to mourn their loss
May the sad circumstance be a solemn warning to all, that the sor-
rows of the world may not work death in such a way
June 8.--AS usual I have been the subject of much conflict
(wnce I last wrote), but my religious feeUngs are at a very low
ebb, partly owmg, no doubt, to the want of the use of the means
of giuce, both private and public ; so many teinporal duties engross
my attention, that my Bible and retirement are too much neglec-
Z.L rr^"^^ i T^ *^^ not appear so weighty as a few months
since. The God of heaven will not approve lazy dull seekers of
the heavenly rest ; then how much reason have I to fear I shaU
tall short of It. My companion is again absent to supply a neigh-
boring Church a paxt of the time, which leaves us much at home.
U that God might bless his labors there, as well as here, that the
Church may revive and flourish.
Jidy 12.— I have just passed another birthday, and one of mv
children bom the same day of the month, too. t am now in my
fortietn year, going down the declivity of life (in the aft^oon k
the day) ;diat passage struck my mind with force the past week.
" The night If &r spent, ^e day is at h«id.» This liFin^ li
1?
1;^
156
well compared to a wet night of affliction, after which the birthday
ot the resurrection will arrive or follow to the christian. The wei
ther has been extremely hot of late; the elements are all in coramo-
tion ; no doiibt many parts of the world experience tempests of
thunder and hghtning; but what is that to the judgment of the
great day— "when tempests of angry fire shall burn, to blast the
rebel worm? why am I not more anxious about my fellow
creatures escapmg the wrath of God ! his justice must be satisfied.
Uhthat they were wise, that they would consider their latter
end.
Au^si 4.— How needful are trials ! and it matters little what
kmd of tnals, so that they are sanctified. I sincerely hope they
are weamng me from creature dependance ; I do feel in some
degree —
" That life without thy love
No relish can afford."
I trust I am not deceived in my exercises the past day, and at dif-
ferent seasons. Yesterday morning I awoke with iese lines on
my mind —
•' fiehold the glories of the Lamb,
Amidst his Father's throne ;
Prepare new honors for his name,
And songs before unknown."
The whole hymn was very sweet. The following night I had
much satisfaction in being encouraged, I trust by OmniS)tence, to
M8t my burdens on the Lord, feeling that he would sustain me.
Have mercy, have mercv upon us, Lord.
August 15.— Sahhath day. Quite alone again— my companion
absent, and the family gone to Methodist meeting. Through the
paat week I have had much to remind me of the goodness a^d for-
bearance of God ; have felt some disposition to praise God for his
wonderful works to the children of men ; no wonder the Psakoist
cjOIs upon all thongs to praise God. A few days after the Associ-
ation one of the aged fathers of the Baptist denomination,
(namely) Joseph Dimock, «' fell asleep in Jesus" : " he rests from
his labors and his works follow him." The account given of the
funeral and the mourning of the Church, by my step ion. Profes-
sor ^bipman, breathes consoling sentiments indeed: ft is printed in
the Christian Messenger, so that it is not confined to a few. May
It be tne means of doing much good !
August 30.— The past week ha« been one of trial and sorrow
167
tkem m much as I ihonld have doM ahiI it i. .ii .1.
I suffer in mmj ways on a«»Mt ' J?, n i ?''''? P"^""
iaigoity the human hewt is 1 T »m ^ '''"' » "'"'"»''> »f
of dwelling on its darknL, /ougR Zk „7e M ' ^e Z!S^
tenanoe, a/pj^pfrfus f^la^lralS t "«'" °' "' """'■
faXht wSity'°&fe*^^ sr^KSi^h: " "^f
us, the victory througLur Lord Jes^r"vis'?..n^7if ^f
" S™°« ^'" complete what grace begins.
To save from sorrows or from sins f
1 he work that wisdom undertakes,
liiternal mercy ne'er forsakes."
»uis%tx;„s°th^5:,^™rtt;^r,%s^^
that none but Christ can do them good ^ *"**^
leo:S,yJ-to'e"'™''^''.-''™°^«- ?!' fi-" ■if" « 'tai
stranger to gracious ejtercises the past year; but aCaLVh"
!%
]58
much havo I to deplore, on account of my remissness and short
comings. I have not grown-ln graf e so much as I might have
done ; but I (1 liope Christ and his cross appear dearer, and he is
my all-sufficient frioud, to look to for succour and support; but
how deficient am I in this ! I desire to praise my dear Redeemer
for inclining the hearts of some of his children in this Church to
unite in a prayer meeting. may great good result from it, that
sinners may b^ converted to God.
January 17. — Various are the scenes of conflict I pass through
daily. Sometimes I hope I am not ignorant of Satan's devices,
knowing ho will worry those he cannot devour. I trust it has been
my happiness for some time to enjoy a steady fixed trust in the
divine arm, and to feel in some small degree " the joy of the Lord
to be my strength," to enable me to bear burthens and to do duties.
I feel the need of prayer daily, and I long to be more under its
divine influence, for " only while wo pray we live." I want more
sensibly to realize that sinners are hastening to the judgment seat,
and my dear children among the number, and to be agonizing in
prayer for them.
January 24. — Lord's day. For the sake of having all my
family attend meeting (except the youngest), I often remain at
home, hoping those who have their hearing may hear to profit.
(0 may the word spoken by my companion and all others of God's
Ministers this day reach the hearts and conscience of saints and
sinners !) I do endeavor to fill my seat in the house of God when-
ever I consistently can, notwithstanding the great privation I
endure, although I often hear considerable ; the sight of mine eyes
often is a comfort to me, setting aside the obligation I am under to
my Maker ; but I have become rather more reconciled to the afflic-
tion, realizing that there is a need-be for it, and knowing I shall
ere long bless God, amidst the ardours of infinite gratitude, for
even the most distressing visitation. "No affliction for the pre-
sent is joyous but grievous, yet afterward it yieldeth the peaceable
fruits of righteousness to those who are exercised thereby."
may this be my happy lot, and sometimes I hope and trust it is in
some small degree. My children are enjoying the advantages of
instruction at home by an excellent teacher ; how numberless are
our blessings ! May they too be sanctified !
May 9. — Often would I have been glad to have put some of my
thoughts on paper (since writing last here), but the multiplicity of
avocations has prevented my having much retirement ; but I do
hope I have enjoyed some precious moments in rcfleeting upon the
glorious plan of salvation and my interest in it ; I trust I have
seen more clearly than for some time past ; have felt to say —
169
and short
night have
, and be is
>rt ; but
Redeemer
Church to
om it, that
IBS through
I's devices,
it has been
rust in the
f the Lord
> do duties.
Q under its
want more
;ment se&it,
;onizing in
Qg all my
remain at
r to profit.
rs of God's
saints and
God when-
)rivation I
mine eyes
n under to
> the afflic-
ing I shall
ititude, for
r the pre-
» peaceable
reby."
ust it is in
'antages of
)erless are
lome of my
tiplicity of
,' but I do
^ upon the
ist I have
»y —
*• My willing aoul would stay
In such a frame as this ;
And ait and sing herself away
To everlaating bjisa."
We have also been called to mourn again in the loss of a grand-
daughter, aged fifteen years ; we have not heard the particulars of
/Sr ^^•' ™*y ^' ^ sanctified to the family ! The mother
(Mr. Chipman's daughter), as well as father, were much, very
much exercised in their minds about her future welfare. May my
dear children listen to the admonition ! Many death" .i-.u, J ua of
late. ''
June 25.— My companion is now absent attend n.^ the A. oci-
ation; and I have as is generally the caao, a burd^^ r.;; uwc but
.^^"°ot repine, as I humbly trust I have an High P -.; ;^uched
with the feeling of my infirmities, and I have come to ino conclu-
sion to endeavor to bear whatever burthen is laid upon me with
meekness and patience ; for where is peace but in trials meekly
borne 1 that I might stand in my lot towards all my fellow
creatures ! Help me, help me, precious Saviour, to discharge
my duty to my children ; and whatever trials I may have to bear
with them, that the discipline I use may prove beneficial. My
eldest daughters are absent at school ; I feel very anxious about
them, surrounded as they are with temptation. May they cleave
unto that which is good ! May the breach made by death upon
their number in school, deeply afiect them, and aU the children
connected.
September 20.— I find, by daily experience, this life to be a
vale of tears. Scarcely any cessation (indeed I may say more)
of anxious care and toil for a mother, morally, set aside the great
exertions that ought to be made spiritually for their eternal bene-
fit. I have to lament that I have not enjoyed that prayerful frame
^5™^ 1-?^^**^' ^^^^ ^ *^"^* ^^^ ^^®^ ™y privilege in many seasons
of my hfe ; but still I find no other resting place but to endeavor
to cast my weight of care on Him who I trust careth for me. But
how oriminal to insult such a God (of whom we cannot have any
adequate conception), by presuming to depend upon our own
strength to walk this dangerous road ! and such is too much the
case when we neglect to seek supplies from the overflowing foun-
tain, a throne of grace and the precious Bible. Lord of glory
inchne the hearts of my children to read thy word and reduce it to
practice, and to feel the need of seeking a throne of mercy, realiz-
ing tiieir true situation,— dead in trespasses and sins. do thou
quicken tnem by thy Spirit, and aid them by thy power and grace
to life divine. How long Lord, how long, ere thou wilt revive
thy work among usl
i:
160
October 1.— Sabbath evening. As is frequently the case of
late, no meeting at our Meeting House near aS ; but my family
sometimes attend Methodist Meeting. My companion still admin-
isters to a neighboring Church a quarter of the time, and a branch
of this on the Mountain a quarter, which leaves him b«t half of
m time at home; and so many, from political views, have wan-
Jred from their brethren in the Church, that support from the
Gospel w withheld, and we are struggling on amidst wants and
trials and much fatigue (but yet having much more than we de-
serve), often realizing how good it is to trust in Him who has said,
Your Heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of these
things.
November 21.— My eldest son has now gone from the parental
roof, and entered upon his arduous duties of seeking knowledge.
mav the eternal God create within him a clean heart and renew
within him a right spirit, that with all his getting he may get wis-
dom and understanding. I have felt much comfort and satisfaction
in commending him to God, to keep him in all his ways, and pre-
serve him from yielding to temptation. that I had more faith
to beheve that whatsoever I ask, not doubting, I shall receive. I
feel more and more the value and efficacy of prayer, but so much
latent evil remains within, that spiritual vision is very much dim-
med. Shew me, precious Saviour, what my duty is, and help me
to perform it. search and try me, and whatever evil way is in
me, do thou remove it, and may the love of God chasten and sub-
due unhallowed feelings. When will the wilderness and solitary
places be made glad for us 1
December 12.— Sabbath evening. No Meeting near us to-day,
but we enjoy our solitude very much ; the family all love to read.
Mid we have a variety of good books, beside the Bible, which is
always new, when any one can say, " Open thou mine eyes, that
I may behold wondrous things out of thy law." The past week
has been one of severe conflict to my soul ; ma: y inventions have
been sought out to disturb my peace and tranquility, which I fondly
hoped I had enjoyed for some days, and hop i I was in the way of
duty, but after all some wrong motives might have prevailed too
much ; was led to say —
" But pricking thorns through all the ground,
And mortal pokjns grow ;
And all the rivers that are found,
With dangerous waters flow."
Yesterday, my feelings becan.o overpowered for a time, which is
for the moat part unusual for me, for I try to put a cheerful cour-
age on, come what will, and bear up u der trials of diflFerent kinds,
principally the affliction I labor under for ^antof hearing quickly.
- 161
which lays the foundation for numerous trials, and in a thousand
ways : [Her feelings were so acute, that oft times she would be
grieved, when on the part of others there was not the slightest in-
tention of wounding her; and yet in general, as she remlirks, her
cheerfulness was such that no one would suspect it, nor yet know
of It, until seen here.— W. C] but I am often comforted with this
promise—" Cast thy burden on the Lord, and he will sustain thee "
O were it not for that, I should sink altogether, I fear. I have
been somewhat consoled of late by these words--" For Israel hath
not been forsaken, nor Judah of his God, of the Lord of Hosts-
though their land was filled with sin against the Holy One of
Israel. ' I can but hope it is the case amongst us ; while hopeless
despair seems to have seized the minds of many of the Church
others on sick beds, and elsewhere, are giving their testimony to
the value of that religion which can support the soul amid all the
trying scenes of life and death : but alas, iniquity abounds among
us. when will Zion's captivity bo turned l
January 28, 1848.— My dear son spent a fortnight with us the
last of the month of December; he has since become quite
thoughtful and much concerned about his soul. This is another
manifestation of the Lord's goodness to me, who am so undeser-
^ng. if thou hast begun a good work in his soul, precious
baviour, carry it on ; suffer no by-ends to hinder his determination
to seek the Lord,— which do thou strengthen and increase I
would rely upon thy promise—" That thou wilt carry the Lambs
in thy bosom." A blessed revival of religion is going on in Lower
Cornwallis ; about thirty have already united with the Church To
God be all the praise. " bend thy chariot wheels this way, that
we may see thy power and thy glory."
Pehruar.^ 13.— Probably at this moment, or near this time, my
highly.favored son may be going down the banks of Jordan, to be
baptized as Christ was. A glorious revival of religion has com-
menced m Horton, in the College (that has been blessed with nine
other revivals in about twenty years) : every student now in the
College, but one, haa professed religion, and a large number of the
boys in the Academy ; among others is my son ; although a trem-
bhng believer, yet it is manifest to all that he has received the
grace of God in his heart. that he may not grieve the Spirit
by rejecting the comfort which it gives ! May he continually say,
"Lord, I beheve, help thou mine unbelief." The blessed work is
8tiU continuing in Lower CornwaUis and Horton : a host are
expected to bo baptized to-day. may the blessed work extend
and extend, East, West, JSorth and South. We as a Church i^e
exponenoing much affliction in the sicknens and death of some of
Its members. A valuable brother was buried last Sabbath ; he has
i
162
left a wife and six children to mourn their loss. Another family
of the Methodist order have buried two children in less than a
week. may it be sanctified to us all, young and old, that we
may all feel that we too must soon give up our accounts to God.
March 12. — Sabbath morning. As this may be the last time I
shall ever put pen to paper for &3 purpose, life being uncertain at
'all times (but especially in my present situation), I here wanv o
record again and again the faithfulness and love of a covenant God,
when I so strangely revolt from him. * * * * * =* *
I desire to feel thankful that I have learned in some small measure
St. Paul's lesson — "In whatsoever state I am, to be content,"
although I would very gladly have my hearing again. The next
consideration is, is my lamp trimmed and in bright burning, wait-
ing to hear the call, '* come up hither 7" This is not in as lively
exercise as I could wish. I find I am setting my temporal house
in order, and I fear neglecting the spiritual too much. I can truly
say—
" I leave the world without a tear,
Save for the friends I hold so dear."
March 23. — I am still this side a boundless eternity, still on
praying ground and pleading terms with the Lord of life and glory ;
but I have not that spirit of prayer that I wanted, or ought to
have for those entrusted to my care ; but when thinking of the
absent, and those present too, my prayer is,
" Jesus and his salvation be
All to ray child,
And all to me."
My impressions of short life are often vivid, and as such I see
much to do while the day lasts ; for oh what are all mortal charms
compared with leaving a right impress upon those around us.
May 7.— Sabbath day. I have just been thinking where shall
I begin to recount the Lord's goodness to me and mine, these few
weeks past? Language fails me. While almost every family in
the community have been visited b^^ sickness and death, mine as
yet have escaped the disorder prevalent (scarlet fever), and
although I became the mother of another little son the last day of
March, yet special mercy from day to day from the giver of every
good and perfect gift has followed me, and restored me almost to
usual health. Lord, how excellent is thy loving kindness ; suf-
fer m© not to be unmindful of it, that as strength of body increases
I may be guided afresh for the warfare yet assigned. that I
might apply more diligently to the fountain for wisdom to train
those precious souls committed to m^ care. ms" thoughts like
these •* take this child and nurse it (ox me," be resting wiSi weight
upon mj spirit at all times.
163
May 23.— My companion is now preaching the funeral sermon
of a female member of the Church who has been out of health for
near twenty years, and the last six years has not left her cham-
ber ; she has glorified God, we humbly hope, by acknowledging his
hand in her affliction, and at different periods has rejoiced in it.
May the death and funeral services be sanctified ! I do hope the
Church here is about to revive and come up to their duty. that
I could say with the poet —
" My spirit glows in faith.
My heart in strong desire ;
And God will come^ will come,
Ere the lamp of life expire.
Thou wilt not desert, I know,
The heart that clings to thee ;
Oh no, the blessed will not go,
Until he blesseth me."
May the people of God everywhere be wrestling Jacobs and pre-
vailing Israels !
Jvne 20.— My companion is now absent, with three children,
attending the annual Association. may not only the power of
the Holy Spirit be felt in their hearts, but by all who may be pre-
sent, and throughout the world. My desires are imperfect, and
my efforts feeble, for the salvation of my own children, and how
far short do they come for the benefit of my neigh !<.fs and friends,
and the world at large ; but sometimes I would hope they are sin-
cere, especially '« when languor and disease invade this trembling
house of clay." I can but cry, let thy light and thy truth shine
into this dark and benighted understanding of mine and in all
others.
October 1.— It seens strange indeed that I should let such a
leugth of time pass, without writing some of my thoughts ; but I
am overwhelmed with cares and toils, and often my toil-worn frame
is so disordered that I have no heart to engage in anything spiri-
tual ; still I hope I have not been without some right feelings in the
midst of a great many wrong ones, and sometimes though far too
few, hope I have enjoyed communion with^od in his word and
prayer (I have not been able to go to the holle of God but four
times this summer) : the Bible seems very precious. Our Sabbath
School furnishes an 'excellent library of books for old and young ;
at times I feel strong desires that the rising generation in this
place especially, may no longer be suffered to pursue the paths of
T^ *^^ **^^^7- ^y anxieties are great about the young converts at
Acadia College and in the Academy connected with it. where a
most powerful revival of religion took place last winter, and nearly
all at one time were hopefully converted. It has now greatly in-
creased in numbers and efficiency.
=1-
4
164
December Sl.-This is tlie last day of another year; I with all
n.y family are spared in health to beWd it. Oh U many mer-
aes_have I experienced the past year. I must again ^n7a^
" Look back, my soul, the Lord has been thy friend ;
He has brought the last year's ti oubles to an end. ♦
IJien whats to coir.e, Lord rive me strength to bear.
And at thy feet to cast my every care.''
]3ut yet hon- awfully deficient I am in driving a trade with hearen
m lymg m daily and hourly co imunion with my God ! Si
fee t^e necessity of preserving a constant disposition to look up'to
(rod m all my fears and straits ; but alas it is often with so much
coldness and stupidity that it seems like mocking God '' For S
abhors the sacrifice, where not the heart is found." I am fo'- the
most part of the t^me taken up with cares of my famil^ Ind do
not get much food for my mind by reading ; but sometimes I hone
Sn mri^t^'^'l"^'' '^^"S^' andlhav'e agre^tlvrifeS
upon me m the rich communications of dear sisters in Christ which
what many of my fellow creatures are, that are fer more deser^
vang grant me thy direction, great God.
^rlt^r'^}\' 184?— yery many have been the exercises of my
mind the past day and week ; trials of a complicated nature almo^
overpower me Vere it not that I am convinced my bCed Lo7d
knows the full dimensions of my sorrows, come the^ whence they
may, and can enable those who have erred in spirit to come to
unaerstanding I should be wholly discouraged. I know yT^^
told "not to think t st-nnrrA r.Ar./o.«i«„ *i,° a ^.^ , T ,®
some
trjl *'*" ^ ^^^'^ temptotions." Many oi our trials doubt-
less are causea by our own deficiencies in duty. what a nenloua
voyage as life, and what a solemn charge are our de^ chSen
Z^.:r '' '' r '^^r S ^''^ *° be a Mother .-tow mucKf a
spirit of grace and supplication is needed !
April 14.— About six weeks since the Church concluded to hold
a series of meeting^ftnd although the roads were very bad they
were wel attended by Ministerl and people ; and S Zi ff
the Great King and Head of Zion met with'them and pouSd out
ablessing. A number of the Church were broken WS
mouraed over their departures from God ; many of the you^ tSt
d^.^rr!i2 "^ over professed christians, beWie aroused to the
^J;. K,?"^**' 'it '^^" .'liu i^joiciug m nope, and lo-daj iwenty-ttoo
T^Z^^t^'^ ^^™' ^ ^^' ^^ Sabbath, wren, ^d a
large number more are expected to come fonrard next conference
165
(I have now three children public professors; may they indeed
bo genuine professors, and may I have wisdom to instruct and guide
them!) I feel as the Psalmist expresses it— "g^hen thou
turnedst agam the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream-
ed. It seems as if I could scarcely realize what wonders God
has wrought. I have stili not been without my trials from differ-
ent causes, but I look for them, and I want the joy of the Lord to
be my strength.
Mai/ 15.— The work of the Lord is still going on in this vici-
mty ; above forty have been baptized ; another little daughte; of
mane, eleven years old, is among the number. We have a little
Church in our house; persons employed by us are also professors.
• T'^ -7 ^^^^^ ^®^°°^ *•* ^^® Church triumphant, and be clothed
with humility ! How much we need reviving and strengthening
grace every hour ! Enable us all, precious Saviour, to lay aside
every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and to
wa,tch and pray that we enter not into temptation. The work is
principally among the young. may they be patterns of piety !
May 24.— Sabbath day. Twelve more are baptized to-day—
the trembling widow, but not very aged, and eleven youths, and
one lamb, seven years old among them. I feel to-day as if I could
say, *'0b that men would praise the Lord for his great goodness
to the children of men." Lord, help thy servant, (my compan-
T' ^ ^^ "°^ preaching for the first time for several weeks, in
this Meeting House, as so many Ministers have come to his aid)
to preach the unsearchable riches of Christ to his -*ng fellow men •
his labors are very arduous. '
July 15.— I have long omitted writing, waiting for something
special to impress my mind, feeling that I have backslidden from
God m heart, m murmurings and complainings, when I have so
much cause to rejoice. Yesterday I attended conference, where
about one hundred spoke of the goodness of God to them ; truly it
was a delightful sight to see so many youths "mong the number.
Strengthen, God, that which thou hast wrought for us.
August 20.— Sabbath day. A prayer in^ting here k now
going on near us to-day. May those who e^ge in it have the
^iritof praver! My companion is on the Afcuntain, where a
- ".mber of this Church reside, and where appearances are favoring
•evival; some are baptized to-day. The God of love is at the
present time displaying his power in the restoration of sinners
from the ruins of the fall, with many Churches in this Province,
and throughout the world, bringing about his own designs and pur-
poses Dy fire, sword, and pestilence. Who would not fear thee
and give glory unto thy name? Alas, how contracted are my
views of such a God ! How much hanniAi* should I
i
t:
St
21
happi
were
166
contemplating the character of God instead of complainine of mv
ww»ts; whereas my great want ie, want of contentment " For
godlmesa ^h contentment is great f'ain." Daring the aforesaid
revivia up to la«t July 14th, there were nmety-tL added to tSs
Lhurch by bapfasm. I have too much reason to fear I have fainted
m tiie day of adversity, and I have not kept m near the throne as
1 should have done, z& prayer "makes the chri8ti,in armour lu- ht
gives exercise to faith and love ;" but for these few days lust I
have felt the need of returning unto God, I hope with purport, of
heart, bewaihng my unnumbered sins, and entreatiug forgiveness
for Christ 8 sake. I can truly say with the Psalmist—" Bring my
soul out of pr«io..u'' Many .,, .he wora.. of encouragement which
As I awoke one
cdme to me from the Bible ai. i r;recrg~» Wait upon the Lord, and
be of good courage, and he shall stiengthen thine heart"—" Draw
ft.
^^ ,„.^, ^ v;uuauiuiiy at ino loot ot tlie throne,
liast nif'ht I had some unusual views of this throne of mercy for
such rebcv worms to be permitted to approach. " Sure we must
tght It we ^TOuld reign ; increase our courage Lord." make me
taitniul to ail around.
S^tember Itl.— I am so overwhelmed with cares and company
at this season of the year, that I have but little time for feE
the inmd by reading or retirement. How often am I assailed with
the thought that my profession is a mere name ! I have so little
ot the life of religion in my soul, so little disposed to make sacri-
hces, and with zeal and energy promote the welfare of my dying
felloe men Dear Lord suffer me not to live at this poor dyinl
rate ; hft the clouds of darkness, and enable me to go on my way
rejoicing, having right and consistent views of all earthly things
and rayishmg onea of heaven, that I may be a living example to
the flock, in my f4Vy, and in the Church.
November 1 5.— Sabbath evening. My companion's text,—" If
80 be that ye have heard him and have been taught by him •"
good attention, and I hope it wiU have a good influence. There 'is
much of the evil effect of sin manifest m the Church already since
the revival last spring ; too many, no d; r , t, were too much under
the influence of mere excitement, and d - ot give due considera-
tion to the important step of uniting i»itu u Gospel Church. Prp.
cioua banour, grant to strengthen the thmgs that remain which
are of thme own right hand's planting. may thy servant feed
i
ing of my
It. •' For
) aforesaid
tied to this
avo fainted
) tbTone as
)ur b.",.;ht,
%j& just I
purpof, > of
brgiveuess
Bring my
lent which
iwoke one
Lord, and
-" Draw
any simi-
put their
le throna.
aercy, for
we must
make me
company
r feeding
iled with
i so little
ke sacri-
ay dying
or dying
my way
jr things,
ample to
:*,— "If
y him;"
There is
dy since
h under
nsidera-
u Pre-
i which
uitfeed
i
167
the sleep sji- i lambs of thv fold with thy word, that God may be
|:loi'jfi> d by :n. As regards my own exercises, I am yet wander-
ing upon tlij Jmrren mountains, so many hindrances to prayer and
readmg ; but yet I do love wisdom's ways, and long more fully to
deny self and take up my cross daily.
January 20, 1850.— Sabbath evening. I went to the house of
Ood to-daf, and returned with painful feelings, because I could not
hear mucli,^ O how hard do I find it to be reconciled to this my
\m ! but ] had the privilege of reading a skeleton of a sermon
upoi glorying in the cross of Christ. I trust I know something
iibout that deadness to the world which it explains. I think I feel
the most part of the time that I wish to use the world and not
abuse it ; I am necessarily much engrossed with its cares and anxie-
ties, or the latter more than the former, on account of my chil-
dren—what foundation is laid for their future usefulness. My
heart often sinks within me when I realize my own deficiencies as
a parent, and then that I cannot always understand their commu-
nications when not addressed to me. I do indeed feel that life is a
fearful thing to all, but especially to a parent. may we all pos-
sess more of a spirit of prayer, for without this we shall soon go
astray. I feel my own want of it very much. We anticipate hav-
mg a school in the house soon, and many will be the sacrifices of
tranquility I expect to make, so many things often occur to disturb
my peace. suffer us not, dear Lord, to dishonor thy precious
name! '^
February 24.— Our school is now in full operation, with the
addition of two others to my family, and they seem to be making
rapid progress to fit them for stations of usefulness. God grant to
adorn their minds with a meek and quiet spirit. I have felt con-
wderable anxiety of late about dying, but not half what I should.
Ihese words have been some comtbrt to me—" What time I am
afraid I will trust in thee." may it be the case at all times,
that I may praise God more and complain less, for " He giveth
power tr the faint, and to them that have no might he increaaeth
strength. how beautiful did the 40th Chapter of Isaiah appear
to me this morning ; the greatness of the majesty of God is set
forth with much force and beauty.
March 10.— Very many are the ccmflicts through which I
pass : **
" The foes that furious rage without,
The foes that lurk within ;—
Temptations strong in phalanx fierce,
Thai rash the heart to win.
But the ;
precious Bible tells
Where fit weaponry for such
salvation's
The
a fight is stor'd,—
The conquering Spirit's sword
helm
\4
168
3nif !AT "^ "''5^'T.' ""l^ ^""^^y ^ ^^'•^^ <>f meaning to me, as
the me, Paul's warning." I trust I find the word of G^ verv
sweet to my teste of ate 0. help me, dear Lord, - to endurlS
seeing him who is invisible." How unworthy the'notice of su h^
?r. " T ^nFP"-^"'^ *°-"^^'^^-" ^^°«^ «/«« «re as a flame of
w' a7: fiWs.^'^mensity and comprehentf eternity. may I
not add to my sin and guilt by not trusting my all in his handsibr
time and eternity when it is*" such a signSl m^ercy that he has bid
us draw nigh to him. I have felt the importancVof salvation to
dying men and women considerably of late (0 may I still more^
I often wnder I can be careless of those ariund me. '" ."'^''^
June 27.-With what sad feelings do I now pen a few thoughts
the cause of which is the absence of my two^ eldest daughters
beyond the time of attending the Association, one beLg token stk
and the other stopping to tale care of her. Though they are wifh
their half-sister a^d kind friends, yet their parents^ hom^would be
more pleasing. When their brother left them yesterdartW were
encouraged to hope she would soon be better, but a state of Ss
suspense 13 most trying to human nature; yet I believe God S
not prove me with any affliction resignationlcannot conquer lli"
a fresh trial for f^tt and patience. Since I heard of her illness
7lT2 ^u\^'''' '^''^A^ f''^^' ^^* y«' ^^^« felt to say even
prepared for her Ih heaven), He doeth all things well; but for a
few hours p^t hope predominates over my fe4 and lioks unon
Z; *L ffl-*S ''^*^'' ^^^ *^r, ^"^^°g «<^^^°^ ^^ tribulation ?
may the affliction be sanctified to aU of us as a family, and to the
fenuly where they are stopping, that humility and /^tSe ma'
characterise al our conduct ! It has been L interlsting IS
July 18.--Great are my obligations to infinite goodness in
r^tonng and returning my daughter, the sick one. They were
mt^tL^^T^'P.-^'^r'^l'^^sH'^^ «^« ^ ^^^ well Z.
S7fn tL^/' "t'^ ^^"'^ ^^* «^H" *^y ««re be more entirely devo-
olVterS^ihin^"' "^ "P' '^ ^-^' *o ^ --S% consignation
fn i'tSx.^'~^^v''\^J' .^y companion is absent to mim'ster
to a neighboring Church that he has the pastoral oversight of: Z
labors are very extensive for his time Jf life, but helossSses a
good degree of mental energy, with tolerable health rabo^S^ ■
prevaJing desire IS to glorify God while life and breal remi^
But he IS necessarily considerably absorbed in worldly matters (m
169
fi4 the resection tUuhri, tip Wd«S^2 tT^ T'^^'
to me from all sorrow and sin S HeT« fl^iuf •'^ '"^^1
conqneror, and all the redeemS. " *"^'y *'""« "»» »"
iJecemte- l.-Sabbath day. A most lovely day • the mn «
appetite for spiritual M ^May all Mi^^ T^ ^T *^
this day feel that they are «f.S. w^f^?^ ?/ *^^^^
sinners. The past week ill^r^iv;!"// -^z ^°^ ?^*^ ^^
r-'
170
years ; ami I firmly believe she ha-t fcnghc a good fight, and haa
entered into the joy of her Loro. : grace has subdued pervcrao
nature in her case ; her work on arth was done, and she has com-
menced her Sabbath of rest. blissful thought, concerning her
and the innuracrablo company which docs and shall surround +he
throne of God ! and shall I bo there to behold tho , luuj l^ou i
Alas, my evidences of it uro not as bright and clear as I could
wish ; I feel indeed that life is fast receding, and perhaps the next
grave dug near us may bo for me. All day yesterday these words
were in my mind—" Reflect, thy end is nigh"— and in some mea-
sure could say, '' I kuov that my Redeemer liveth." I want to
be led by the teachicgs of tho Holy Spirit, in that way that will
most glorify God, viuher it leads mo into deeps of sorrow, or
pours the consolations of the Gospel into my heart.
December 15.— I have nothing very special to communicate of a
spmtual nature concerning mystaf or those within my knowledge,
excepting that m some Churches in this Province the Led is pour-
ing out his Spirit, and is present to heal the wou'ded neart. In
Yarmouth, a vory extensive work of the Lord is going on. My
anxieties are unceasing for my children's welfare (how apt wo are
to be selfish !) ; my lesire is, thut they may be kept from all idola-
trous associations and influences, and not have their hearts har-
dened through the deceitfulncss of sin. prepare us, precious
Saviour, for whatever awaits us in life, whether short life or long.
It 13 mercy, mercy I implore, for all our wanderings, and forgive-
ness through the blood of tho Lamb. may the light of divino
grace irradiate tho dark clouds of sin and unbelief at 11 times f
How much sorrow have I had the pasi -r^k oi. .account the want
of my hearing ! To be such a rebel as to need such an afl^iction,
harrows up the inmost recesses of sorrow (at times, but for the
most part I try to be a better soldier), t''.;^!' I give vent, to my
feelings ; but that passage of Scripture ha? of late been a dtay to
»>e — " Be not weary of the chastening of the Lord, for whoni he
loveth he chasteueth." What sorrow should we not be \> . Lng to
endure for the love and patience of such a God tOT^ 1 us ? And
when sorrow is not occasioned by immoral conduct m os round
us, we ought to strive to bear other petty trials wit^ ^rtit e. O
for a closer walk with God !
February 8. 1851.— Since I wrote last I have become tho
Mother of another son, and have been surrounded with every tem-
poral mercy a thankful heart could desire, though extreme cold
weatber the most of the time (the son was bom the twenty-second
day of December last), and very many spiritual mercies, all ptir-
•diaaed by the death of Christ. My exercises have not t^n what
I could wish, but have sometimes felt a spirit of prayer, though
171
often interrupted with wandcrinc thou'^htg
express too f.-Hv my case,-'' If a imn's
express too f.-Hv ray case, -^^V^Z;;?^ ,^r'i!!^!Z::t
flW n.'°l . m'*''' '' V"^^''' ^^t« the socic^ of every i!
fling accident, and talks with every object it meets aScannn
passion and strong desire, it passes on through all theintorSa^i
regions of clouds and stays not, until it dwells at thrfoot of the
cross where mercy sits, and thence sends holy showers of rdL«h
Ty fr f V^'^^^ '' '^' ^««* P^rt «f thisfhe case vith me^^ i
oft tames think I never knew what the spirit of prayrwl I
^rC f ^-?''^*^' ^"^'^J^^* '^ '''' «««^f^"«t for soS"me past
iight^a; f 2 ot -pty^iii t ^s orr 5rr ^^ ^'^
expecting to leave homi soo^n for s'Lil Tto Un^^^^^^^^^^
all thou- ways, to be more humble and solemn. ^
Jiihj 20, — My dear children have all boon at 1,a«,« *.
ward to cue! re hardness ." many ways I f1oR,-ri tTSi !• I
and hope for better da .venirre^on earth wLt^ T^"*
more time for reading aU retire nt but wbil! f ' •" ^T
temporal duties of my station *; llll hi /f'^/^^.V^^
B^ht, be looking and fonging f;r t.^^^VsreS^et^^^^^^^^^
S'in^n T.^'''*P°^ ^'^^ ^^^^^^r Jesus Christ &roZ
us a up to right considerations and just views of the presentTfe
and that V. Inch as to come, so that 've may feel that every * on
of our life has a bearing upon eternity. suffer rnottflT^n
Hand careless. take this veil of darkness from our eyes ttat"
so inchnes us t» conform to this world and its maxSig ^ ' **
July 28.— As usual I have to be very much ensappd bnt wT.«»
^y n^uch cast down the past week on Loun? of Ihftit b! the
^la'Jorf am IIiT:? "t^ '' .'^^ ^°^^ '' this proJse-
T IT f 'iu ™ T'*^ *^®® ' ^^ ^0* dismayed, for I am thy God •
I wdl strengjen thee, yea I will help theef yea I will IhX tW
by the nght hand of my righteousness." 0^ that I hS a fuU^
S^'^mtS; r*\l '^' "^^ ^1 *^^ F-«^^4 that I Si
take uAto myself the whole armour of God md fight manfully^
»M
faith would lay her hand
,^'2 ia»t tieeur liead of thine;
While like a peniieflt I stand,
And there confess my sin."
m
/"
172
Ihrembcr 28. — Anotber year is near its close, and we are alius
a fuinily spared in health, and arc now all at homo, but expect soon
to bo separated. My oldest son as Ik , otoforo, and my two eldest
daughters anticipate spending the winter at school at Wolfville.
precious Saviour, shield them beneath thv shadowy wings ; suf-
fer them not to restrain prayer, but enable them to look to thee for
strength and wisdom in all their engagements ; may they listen to
reason and make passion submit. crown the undertaking with
thy blessing, dear Lord, that glory m^y redound to thy name by
it. Wo have recently had our hearts cheered by the announce-
ment of tlfe determination of one of the young members of our
Church to sacrifice all worldly interests, to preach the everlasting
Goapel j he is a son of one of our Deacons — another Deacon has
also a son studying for the Ministry, the fruits of the last revival ;
they have both made rapid improvement in their studies and know-
ledge every way, we trust ; may they both, as well as all others, bo
humble and sincere, and rely upon the promises of God, and bo
harnessed for the battle before them. may this Church and all
Churches pray much for the increase of laborers in tho Lord's
vineyard. We expect a number of Ministers to meet with us next
Sabbath, and for some days, to hold a quarterly meeting ; may
much good result from it to saint and sinner ! I am almost over-
whelmed with care, the children planning to leave directly after the
meeting ; but I try to hang upon the promise — " As thy day is so
shall thy strength be."
February 26, 1852. — Although five of my children are almost
constantly at school (in this district and in Wolfville), I am more
confined to domestic duties than ever for want of usual help, but
my health is excellent, and living upon hope and faith makes toil
pleasant. that I had more of a spirit of believing prayer, to
pray for all men, and all institutions connected with the glory of
God. I trust my chief desire is to be preparing for the giiat
change that will soon overtake me. that I could discharge all
the necessary duties incumbent upon me to my younger children
as well as elder ones, and in every relation of life.
March 20. — Two very sudden deaths of late have, I trust, had
some effect in quickening my mind to more deep reflection upon
the fleeting nature of time and all that pertains to this life, below
the salvation of the soul. I do feel as if I wanted to be more
actively engaged in the dutv of prayer and every other one that
comes in my way. I have felt very anxious about my children of
late, one and all. I have so much to be thankful for in the oppor-
tunity they have of getting knowledge (set aside everything else^
that 1 feel ashamed of my past misgivings. may I ever give
thanks unto the Lord, for he is good and his mercy endareth
lurlu.
$
173
forever, and again and again feel the force of these lines :—
" Waken, O Lord, my drowsy powert,
To walk this dangerous road ;
And if mv soul is hurried hence,
May it be found witli God."
Mmj 9.— Lovely spring has again returned, though cold and
backward until a few daya past. Often have I desired that it
might be spring-time in the Church generally. It has been a lon«
Jinter season with too many in this Province ; but some in the
J!-astern part are revived, refreshed, and added unto. I have had
considerable variety of exercise of mind since I last wrote ; some
that have caused searchings of heart, and some that have led me
to cry mightily to God to avert evils and cause reform. I have
aJso telt more and more anxious about my children, but my seasons
ot retirement are so few, to what they once were, that 1 miss them
exceedingly and I often fear I shall bo one of those of whom it
shall be said, " Cut it down, why cumbereth it the ground,"—
were it not that I have at times some scanty views of the way of
hte and salvation, and such a glorious Mediator to make reconcili-
ation for his people, who when iniquities prevail asainst them, will
not suffer them to be overcome.
May 24.— Sabbath morning. I have again and again been dis-
appointed m my absent cliildren not coming home upon a visit dur-
ing the lovely weather we have had this spring. I do not aUow
myself to be too anxious about it, for I know the motive that gov-
erns them, and in a few weeks they will be home for the summer
and attend school near, if all is well. I often wish I thought aa
much about the Saviour as I do about my children. To have them
bod-tearing characters, and well educated, is my highest wish. I
Have only two little ones at home during the week, out of eight:
all at school the most of the time. I have been reading the past
week a book entitled, "Sunny Side: the settlement of a pastor
and tamily. It is like living my life over again. Many of the
circumstances are very similar to the trials and hard times we have
nad to grapple with, in keeping up an establishment upon a flimsy
loundation for a number of years, though we have not been wholly
dependant upon the people (for we had to expend our own means
which (rod m his Providence placed in our hands), and so much
the worse, for the honor of God, and the good of the Church and
the rising generation. I hope, wherever the sin lies, it will be
lorgiven. In my opinion, a Minister should be whoUy devoted to
his work, and sustained theifein, and not have to toil and labor on a
— or to looK alter it for his and femily's support, in whole or in
hilt I iio^z» mourned over i* unt" ""
uut'm
use : I might as well give it
have found it was no
22
give It up in our case, and make the beqt of
J 74
?• i,f»,.**y]^il^" Sunny Side," "a busy life enough have I
found the hfe of a pastor's wife, but I can truly say that it has fuUv
recompensed me. If I could feel that I had met its claims to the
best of my abiUties, I should look back upn it with great satis-
laction. ^ I have greatly to lament that I have not prayed more
lor Zion s peace and prosperity, for I have not spent twenty-three
years in this place without feeling deeply interested in the marri-
age and settlement of individuals ; and when I see a host of young
people coming up to fill the place of their parents, one cannot be
uwensible to the influence they wiU exert. help us, precious
Saviour, to redeem the-time, lor life is fast receding.
" Our wasting lives grow shorter atill.
As months and days increase ;
And every beating pulse we tell
Leaves but the number less."
7(Mnc 12.— Words are inadequate to pourtray our present feel-
ings under the visitation of God in his divine arrangements con-
cerning us and many others. On the seventh of this month, the
beloved son Isaac (though but a step-son to me, yet as dear as my
my own), a Baptist Minister from St. John, Rev. Mr. Very, with
four students from Acadia College, two of them Ministers of reli-
gion, Grant and Rand, went to Blomidon, and on their return,
when within a short distance of the shore, the wind blowing a gale
wad a heavy sea, the boat upset, ar.d seven men were drowned (all
those mentioned, and one of the boatmen). Such unexpected and
startling news has caused us to say with David, "I was dumb, I
opened not my mouth because thou didst it." We believe it to be
in accordance with God's unchangeable purpose, and therefore en-
deavor to be still and know that he is God, and has a sovereign
right to do all his plea&ure. But poor nature, ever weak, would
shrink from the afflictive stroke. Our beloved son was nearly
thirty-five years' of age, a highly talented and useful Professor of
Mathematics, a Minister of the Gospel also, and a devoted martyr
to his country, in the cause of education especially. He went ta
Wolfville in Jul^, 1829, a scholar under the ever to be remem-
bered Mr. Chapin, Principal in the Academy, being then twelve
years of age, and continued there at Wolfville as a scholar in the
Academy and College, and as Teacher (with the exception of two
years at Waterville College, in the State of Maine), until his sud-
den demise. The deep interest which he always felt in the institu-
tions there, and the immense amount of labour and toil he went
through, both mentally and physically, was only known to himself
snu aOr^ ; a part, a small part of wnich was mauifest iii becuring
materials from all parts of the three provinces and other places for
and in building the noble structure under his ownsuperiEteudaiice,
175
besides the untold amount of cares other ways,— the business more
or less of the Church at Horton, to which he belonged,— the busi-
ness connected with the denomination in its variousr departments
together with his labors also for the public good, &c., &o.,— all
tended to wear him out (with other trials also). His health the
past winter had been failing, but he was gradually recruiting at the
time of his demise, though quite feeble. His precious and useful
life was cut short. He has finished his work, and gone to his pre-
cious reward, where no more sorrows nor conflicts await him.
Happy spirit, dwelling in that society where aU the region is peace.
Now, precious Saviour, what wait we for 1 Our hope is in ihee.
sanctify it to our own souls. It is mdeed a heavy stroke. The
aged father bows under it with quiet submission. He was a friend
and counsellor to us all, but he has left no wife or children, Uke
Mr. Very. But this is only a small part of the ways of God :
how many throughout the world meet with similar trials. may
more have the enmity of their hearts slain (by the law) at their
deaths than by their life, that the cause of religion may be greatly
advanced by this dispensation of Providence. -f o j
Aiigust 30.— Very many have been the different scenes through
which I have passed since I last wrote ; the astounding blow then
seemed but the beginning of sorrows. Hardly had we recovered
from the shock when sickness entered our dwelling, and five, for a
few days, myself being one of them, were prostrated: three of the
children were seriously and dangerously ill with the dysentery •
they however all recovered, and their health wap restored sooner
than could have hten expected, with the exception of the youngest
one, who lingered ai( ig for five or six weeks in a miserable way
but IS now upon his feet again. And now I fear I have a most sad
account to give of the state of my mind through these afflictions •
various mdeed have been the trials, known only to God, on account
of the rebelUon of my heart ; I dreadfully fear being hardened in
the furnace mstead of softened. The fiftieth Psalm is the lan-
guage of my heart, I do hope. (I do not pray as much as I ought).
Alas, too much apathy and indifference, and unreconciliation to our
loss, though I know it is his gain. '0 for more love to God and
man!
October 17.— I still am the subject of severe mental agony
procured often doubtless by my own deficiencies and affliction, and
sometimes by the proceedings of others. Yet I find the Bible
more and more precious, and a throne of grace a sweet and sure
refuge, though I nave too much reMon to fear I receive not hecau '«
I ask amiss. It is not the "effectual fervent prayer," I fear. 6
may the falling leaves, with other appearances of autumn, remind
me of my own declining, and the werth of souls around me.
''i ill
1:1
M
I
i
176
¥?. ?f ^ ^?® ^^ **^°S»e and strength for thy glory while this
short hfe remains. ^ o j- nu«v wio
MarcA 24, 1853— Seldom have I allowed such a length of time
to pass wirtiout penning a few thoughts, especially when under the
hand of affliction. It is now nearly four months since my eldest
daughter has been confined to her room with various complaints •
but she has been patient and resigned to her sufferinir, which has
been very a<5ute, and feels that whether it ends in life or death, it
Will be well. I trust I can say for the most part of the time, " It
IS the Lord let him do as seemeth him good," but I want more of
the quickening and enlivening influences of the Spirit to enable me
to say It 13 good for me that I have been and am afilicted."
w i?.r!? n^ ?^ *^'i^' J ^^^^ P^«^^^ *^^^"g^ tlie past winter,
but hitherto God has helped me. o r »
^pril 8.— Yesterday was a day of much weeping with me
(though unseen by mortals). I have increasing fears respecting
my dear daughter's health, and although for the most part of th?
time I can leave her at the disposal of Omnipotence, yet nature
shrinks from seeing her pine and suffer. No wonder I weep, when
1 reflect on the many deficiencies of my past life, with regard to
discharging my duty towards her and my other children, the
thurch to which I belong, my acquaintances, saint and sinner.
when will Zion arise in this place, and shake herself from the dust
ot the earth? ^hen will her members be more faithful, and
watch over one another with godly zeal 1 Hasten the time, dear
Lord, and grant us a spirit of prayer.
April 20.— No change, we fear, for the better in my child's
health, and I often imagine separation is not far distant ; and trulv
It will be so, for this life is short to all, but a hand breadth. I
have just been reading the last hours of Doctor Arnold, and a
short diary that he kept ; seldom have I seen communications that
so interested mo ; it greatly strengthened my hope, when I read
such things He says '; I am now at that age, forty six, to know
what this life is ;" and then his anxiety to be more humble and
gentle to all around, and his views of the uncertainty of life —
such desires to be sanctified throughout soul, body and spirit— and
be ready to meet death, let it come in whatever form it might
which event was very sudden with him, his complaint being of the
M .1. ^l'^ "^T ^^ S** ^^^ '^ '^°'* ^^^^ "^®' *°^ ^ ^ave to be such
a Martha that I seldom get Mary's place, or devote the time I
should to my little ones. I want more of the grace of the Spirit.
^ May 14.— Yesterday I was permitted once more to attend con-
enjoy them as I onto did. 1 feel to lament the low stntp of Zion
afld grieve for the afflictions of Joseph. may we ail arise to
177
while this
;tli of time
under the
my eldest
mplaints ;
which has
' death, it
time, " It
it more of
enable me
afflicted."
st winter,
with me
especting
irt of the
Jt nature
;ep, when
•egard to
iren, the
iner.
the dust
iful, and
me, dear
7 child's
nd trulj
idth. I
, and a
:ons that
I 1 read
to know
able and
' life,—
•it — and
might,
5 of the
be such
3 time I
> Spirit,
nd con-
f Zion,
wise to
newness of life, more zeal and on(-gy, wisdom and faithfulness, to
look after the scattered flock. We have had a fresh demonstration
of the kmd feelmg of the Ohurc]> and others, the past winter, in
a donation visit : it was truly a pleasant interview to us all, proving,
I trust, that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Surely the
receiving on our part of about thirty pounds in money and useful
articles, could not fail to excite our gratitude. The address has
been a great relief to my mind in strengthening the bond of union
that has so lofig existed, though not always felt in its full vigor
owing to many difficulties which often arise in a Church. My dear
daughter is not much better, if any. Lord, prepare us to suffer
and do thy righteous vill. One of our mothers in Israel (namely
sister Hannah Calkins) is fast hastening to her eternal rest ; she is
so peaceful and calm, waiting for the summons to call her' hence
and saleiy land in those mansions above. She has been one of the
gentle, influential mothers, and has done a great work in her
family, being left a widow with seven children ; she has buried four
Happy woman ! Well might the infidel envy her.
June 20,— Have just returned from the annual Exhibition at
Acadia College, where my dear son (with his room-mate, who
went to the Academy the same time he did,) delivered an Oration
for the first time. My nervous feelings were a good deal excited
as they are generally of the fearful kind, but to the praise of God's
grace and upholding power, he was enabled, with the other, to go
through with composure, giving credit to the teachers and them-
selves (the subjects were, " the Duke of Wellington," and
"Science m the Nineteenth Century"). I endeavored to make
the occasion a matter of prayer for sometime previous, that all the
faculties of the mind might be strengthened, and that he might
depend on God to help him (and for others too) ; and when I sur-
vey^ the past and thought of the anxieties of mind I had in
reference to his going there, I could but say, " Bless the Lord,
ray soul, and forget not all his benefits." To those who could hear
all, the occasion was highly satisfactory. My dear sick daughter
is still languishing and no essential change. I strongly fear the
result will be the sinking of nature, but God can overrule and bless
the means for her restoration.
ilM^//5/ 6.— Sabbath af aoon. Seldom do I have opportunity
for writing here, and toc seldom feel that glow of holy love and
zeal which would be worth noticing ; and I do not think it best to
dwell too much upon the dark eid-) of any matter here though
these lines may U) the revealer of thoughts and feelings when this
poor bmj rests m the grave, tor I do not feel dis|X)3ed to bum
them for my own satisfaction. And although many parts of them
may go to shew a low standard of christian principles, yet I hay©
178
never studied to dress up my feeble exercises with unmeaning Ian
T^^^ !u *^1' ^ '"'^^^ "°^ ^°' f°r want of more knowlS Z
should these lines ever meet the eye of any mortel anT^ Z
I have found them often a comfort to myself, for I am excees. Though ther^seemS
i «f2 ^J^'^^f'"'"'! «r mflammation, the digestive organs were S
a state of entire torpor, and no relief could be obtained Th«
medical attendant employed the most powerful means dav 3t
, day for a fortnight, but without success. ^ S hopes w'ere^^^^^^^^
woSS and'J?." '""'^^'^ ''^'^'' ^''« drceas:,"^!;
t:i^;''''''''''^''^^^^^^ ThS^:xp:Staliol';irs
Mtv^oT&Sr^f' *^' ^^*^'.'^' ^S^'^ ^^^^rred to the pro-
- 1 wly2, L I •• ^"^ ««^^«rsation with Mr. 0. sho remarked,
rntr £lv\M^Z r^ improprieties you have discovered in
!"V -"^ 5®P"®^; . I have much more reason te, a^nnf Dr -T„^_
tot he hud much iricre cause to ask hei- forgivonete.' " « Ob''
179
she swd, " there are none of us but what have our petty foibles
but I ought to have forborne more." Then followed an aflFectini
scene with two of her children. Embracing one of them she said.
My dear A- , I may be soon removed from you, and you will
be left motherless. I want you to be a christian, to love and read
your ^ible, to pray to God to forgive your sins. Seek the Lord •
seek him now ; delay no longer ; pray this night. I should b^
more willing to leave you all if I was persuaded that you were all
bom into the kingdom of Christ. I hope the elder ones are ; but
1 want you, my dear, to be a christian." Some time after, she
addressed him again, in the most solemn and impressive manner
At diflFc ont times through the day she exerted herself much to
speak to her other children, as well as to friends who came to see
her. io some she said that she had got so far over that she had
no desire to return, but rather to depart and be with Christ: that
she had many ties to bind her to earth, but that heaven t as fai-
more desirable.
On the evening of the 19th she remarked to Mr. C. that some
time before her mmd had been much impressed by the words of
the Saviour, '« If it be possible, let this cup pass from me," &c.
Q^ i^^j statement, that an angel was sent to strengthen him
bhe had considered these passages in connection with the case of
her afflicted daughter Ameha, and had derived much comfort from
them ; but now she felt them to apply to herself, and still they
afforded comfort. Through grace she could say, " Thy will lie
done," and patiently endure the Lord's pleasure.
Next day she observed, that she did not wish to remain here
unless It were the Lord's will ; she longed to go to her heavenly
home, where she trusted that she would be welcomed, and be for-
ever happy. It was not that shrj wished to get rid of trouble or
suffering, for she was willing to bear all that the Lord was pleased
to lay upon her, and to live all lor appointed time till her chanae
should come; but she would Ij -Rith Christ, and that would be
"far better." She could leave iier husband a'ld her children in
the hands of God, for she felt ijjsured that he would take care of
them all.
Having requested that portio:
to refresh her memory and dire :
the Apostle Paul's words, ".Fc
&o. '*I have often thought
•IS of Scrip Uwe vai^ht be repeated,
her tho ^^'itp, Sir. 0. mt?ntion«i
I am T.fv voiicV to be c^ered,"
that rdssii^c' she said, "but I
feel that I have not * fought th( good tight' as I should have done,
and 1 have not been so faithful o my household as I should have
defioieacy." Tho following tea ww then reoikd, '' It doth m
j-et appear whut we shall be," '
wiucu she has unconsciously .irawn lier own likeness, that but few
observatioaa are now necessary.
181
%e 'reader caniiot btit have observed that she ^afl irifted with
J?J:nS^e5t "°""^ ^^^'^ '" the position which Pre
t.Jj'' *v/!!?t*^^''''^ ^''' ^^"^^ exceUencies was laid in earnest
piety. Youthful ardour was discipbned betimes by grace^he
early learned to view all things in the light of the^Bible and to
govern herself by the revealed ^11 of the Saviour. At a 1 SmS
amid the toils cares, and embarrassments of Mfe, she sought peace
n walking with God. Nor did she seek in vain. Notwlthstend!
i«f„ir.n.Tr ^"^.^*^«?^"g« ^Wch l^^mility prompted, and the
recurrence of occasional seasons of darkness, she experienced
ettects m habitual holiness and evangelical consistency. Conscious
of innumerable defects and failingsfshe -groaned within herS
waihng for the adoption ,- while oW wh?n they saw the^:S
of God in her, were gladdened and encouraged. Thev knew that
tZVTu^''' \^^ ^'' fellow-believerl but theT^oi^edl
her as an mtelhgent honest, straightforward ihristian!^ ^
btrongly attached to the principles and polity of the Bantist
denomination, as derived from the New Testemeri she manife^stS
deep interest m the state of the Church to which she beKed
SnlT^S'^*^"*.^^?.^^ ^^1 ««* «°<^" forget the manH
tokens of her love and solicitude. She was jusUj endeared to
tiiem all and her removal, so sudden and unexpected filLdthei^
gSSVuTa:; """^/^^ sympathiserSlm In hd
fh?v Lw fW? ^ ^^' ^^ '°"«^* *° «°°*^« ^^d alleviate ; and
they saw that her happiness was inseparably connected with the
prosperity of the cause. When sinners were converted^she re!
enemy and the deceitfulness of the human heart. When aiiv
cases of backshding occurred, or indifference and sloth apr^ar^
her soul was grieved. It gladdened her exce^^ngly to^Ss
hberality and zeal on behalf of de..ominationul institutions. Our
domestic and fbreigii missions, and our educational enterpriseT
were justly esteemed by her. and warmly recommended to S
Z^tZuJ^^y^'^'fr, ^^^^ Societies,;iso, were muS priz^!
Maong which Bil^ and Tract Societies held a high place, since in
In W T^f '^r ^°^H*/'^PO«e« of christi^ l^nevoCce
elkrv ?>, ''^'Ti ^''- ^^P^^^'« deportment was truly
empiary. fehe was called to occtv.v.rr n. f?-:fl=.-.-.,u ......i /£>__ i . •>
tion, and evinced |uch an amiable, conciliatoiir spirit, that preju-
182
dices vaniahed, and the step-mother becaane the object of sincere
affection. Her own numerous family— eight of whom, the survi-
vors of twelve, deplore the loss they have sustained by her
unlooked-for death— experienced in full measure a christian
mother's care and love. She laboured incessantly for their wel-
fore ; she cheerfully submitted to sundry inconveniences, that they
might enjoy the advantages of education; and she agonized in
prayer for their conversion to God, as may be seen in many pas-
sages of her Journal. But it is needless to multiply words on
these points. None but her husband and her children could fully
appreciate her character, and they " call her blessed."
It only remains to observe, that Mrs. Chipman was much beloved
and respected by the Church. The members knew that their pas-
tor's Wife cherished anxious care on their behalf. They felt that
they could confide in her. Kind, hospitable, and discreet, she was
ever ready to render aid where it was required, and always desi-
rous of promoting love and unity. A hasty and injudicious choice
may cause a pastor to be linked for life to a hindrance : but Mrs.
I ^ C was a help-meet.
An extract from a letter written by Dr. Van Buren, formerly
of Pleasant Valley, but now resident in Tennessee, U. S., will
appropriately close this brief sketch of Mrs. Chipman's character.
The letter was addressed to a friend in Pleasant Valley, and was
dated " Feb. 8, 1854" : '^'
"The Church and community have indeed sustained a loss of
which they are not probably yet duly sensible ; but our dear pastor
and his lovely children have sustained a loss that can never be
repaired. She was indeed and in truth a most estimable woman.
As a christian, most exemplary; as a wife, affectionate and kind-
as a mother, indefatigable in contributing to the comfort and hap^
piness of her children, impaiting christian instructions and all
other necessary information in regard to domestic and social habits ;
as a friend, she was warm and sincere, never losing sight of her
professions, attachments, or predilections ; as a loember of society,
she was absolutely a pattern to all who felt inclined to act consis-
tently. And what shall I say more— unless it be that we shall
never look ujwn her like again 1 But she has only preceded us a
few days, and is now resting in the bosom of that Redeemer whom
she loved and served so faithfully on earth, ready to embrace all
who haw tiie same precious faith, and follow her through the resur-
rection, as they successively enter the same blessed abode."
f_".^r.-JVii2CU. ZU.
friends,
ness :
_ !•--_ ^^^
a lew ITAWoiCto ixMUi JJrirS.
lyiupman s ieiieni to btsc
They are illustrations of her habitnal spiritual-mindsd-
\
m:
183
To Professor Chipman. May 8, 1846.—" I was sorry to
I your health again impaired. It is no more than I fbared
when I hear of your constant appUcation to perplexing business'
I sincerely hope such means may be resorted to as wiU effect
speedy and permanent relief. / am not willing to spare you lust
now (selfish motives, no doubt) set aside the Denomination. * *
* * * L want to be more engaged for the welfare of souls around
us and elsewhere. Often of late does time appear very short, and
eternal reahties of the utmost consequence. Oh for a light esti-
mate of all earthly things, with right views of duty, and strength
and wisdom to perform it !" B-Mjugw*
To Mrs. H. Lyons. Nov. 26, 1848— "Your letter found
me conflicting with the powers of darkness in many forms. Some-
times I thought the dark weather had a great influence to help me
look on the dark side, and I often feared I had forgotten to cast my
burden on the Lord. These lines were some solace—
* Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
• In blessings on your head.'
I have felt somewhat lightened of late, but it does not proceed
wholly, 1 fear, from religious principles. My time and attention
are so taken up with domestic duties that I have but little leisure
tor reading and retirement j and without these, no wonder I go lean
from day to day. Though for tho most part I do not allow my
mind to be disturbed with trifles, or with things that cannot hn
helped, yet it is far from that life and peace which belong to a spi-
ritual mmd. How ofton are we ' perplexed, but not in despair !'"
To the same. Aug. 19, 1849.— "What beautiful lines the
foUowmg are —
• Christian, walk prayerfully! oft wilt thou fall,
If thou forget on thy Saviour to call.
Safe shalt thou walk through each trial and care,
If thou aft <;lad in th« armour of prayer.'
I fear the two first too much ajmly «o n» I have not felt that
constant disposition to look up to God in aU my straits which I
know IS necessary.
' Freely my tj^rit would coBrerse
With /MiM all the day,'—
I want to b6 the laeguage of my heart When the Most Hi,?. m.d know of such testimonies
of regard and veneration for her s
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WEBSTER, N.Y. 145S0
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186
To the same Nov. 5, 1848.-" The wise man Bays, « The
Iiord will not suffer the soul of the righteous to famish,' £ I am
Bometimes encouraged to hope that it is somewhat verified in r
although I too often manifest that I am 'rich, and have need of
notbmg Yet such are the straits a mother and a Minister's wife
nlorFn^f /";' '^T' ^ '^^^ '^'^ ^'^^^^^ ^' '^'^'^'^ wUhoutTm!
pionng help from above.
' Weaker than n bruised reed,
ilelp I every moment need.'
the*«nn!l^J ^'' '^°^'V^^I «o«^e in appWing to the fountain for
ir?Z^^.t^L7 ""'°'^«^^^«« ^^"t« •' ' ^ord, teach us to pray
aright, should be our constant ciy." ^ ^
^Z-^1^^ *"T u ^'*°>' ^' 1849.-'' Grace dwells beside a bad
^i^lT^'^T '^ "'.' '"^ '^' '^^ temptations of our great
adversary often find a ready reception within our troubled breast.
ImolZ T^ 7,g'-eatly cheered and revived in my pilgrimage
S i,-^^''^ Jr ^'^^*^ '° graciously with me and mine, and
added such a goodly number to the Church among us. It is true
m.Tl?\ ^ T^?* ■•"°''^*^f ^°y °*^^^' ^^"^^^ being to lie in thi
' ^P I r'^f *Tt' ^'^^. ^°''"^^'' ^^•''•^ *^« '»*t«hless grace of
^t^JlJ\\. r^^V ^'f^\^^\ ^i'^ter, when cast down with
the state of the Church and other things, this passage would come
Sl^Tlitimr!' M'lf "^^ °^'^^ lord d?awe"h
?fm nn. fit 1^^^ '*: "^'^^"^^ ''^ '" ^^« ^^7 Of a revival. But
1 am one of those that rejoice with much trembling. You will I
hope, bear us on your mind at a throne of grace, that God mkv
preserve the lambs as well as the sheep " ^
hS^J^'f"""',' ^•'''^ ^^' 1850.-" What a work the mother
fal, l^n"" \ ^' \' "°V.^ H ^''''''^ *^ose precious little immor'
tals are too much neglected? I feel, for one, that while attending
Lr h?; ' ^^1 no «,ore be laid upon us than we are able to
En on T T '°'?°*' '"^ «««^on, out of season'-' sowing
b««de all watei-s'-not knowing whether this or that will prosper-
lahormg every moment as though the next might find them in an
^iTr^/ • • ^^' °^r ^ ''^^* "P°" P««t life the more I ha^
to plead for torgiveness, for my unfaithfulness in every thing of a
Bpmtual or moral nature." ^ ^
mtt^*i llrt^u irreparable loss we and the denomination have
^fTl M ^' ^'''^^'^ ^^« 'l*^*^ «^aJ^e ! We feel the loss
moitBcnsiblFhere; every day makes me feel sad about it-save
I i ^. °^n^® '^''"^ *^«y ^»ve a" gone to receive. One of
^..t^'^T'i^^^V^^*^* <^ollege has done his work and
entered into glory. How Acadia will get on now, if the endow-
il
187
. . ' The
,' and I am
ified in me,
ave need of
lister's wife
vithout im-
buntain for
us to pray
pside a bad
' our great
'led breast,
pilgrimage
mine, and
It is true,
> lie in the
I grace of
Jown -with
ould come
i draweth
va\. But
ou will, I
God may
te mother
ie immor-
attending
ir minds.
e able to
-* sowing
•rosper —
em in an
re I have
ling of a
matters
ion have
the loss
it — save
One of
ork and
endow-
ment is not finished up, seemn to human view to look dark • but
God will order all things we.i. * * ♦ Could I gee you for
one houi', I could tell you many vuiugs I cannot \.Tite. I thought
the language of the poet worthy of adoption —
* ' Let scints in sorrow lie resigned,
And trust a faithful God.'
But it has not been all sorrow with me, though my sins have
deserved it. I sometimes get weary of toil and care, and wish for
rest, so that the mind may have seme food by reading, &c., and it
may be that eternal rest is nearer at hand than I have any idea of.
But it will soon come."
To the same. April 22, 1853.— [Referring to her recovery
from severe illness]—" Through much mercy i have been spared
to my family, and I increasingly feel the need of wisdom from on
high to guide and direct me into all truth. You know the wisdom
that comcth from above is represented as being * pure, gentle, easy
to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits.' How much we
need all those traits of character, or virtues, in every situation,
but especially in ours, as mothers and Ministers' wives ! ' Beloved
self must be denied'— for as we would have our children to be, ^d
ought to be ourselves. the many deficiencies of my past life,
and present, too, in regard to them and all othera with whom J
have to c"o !"
To the same. Sept. 22, 1853.— (Written a fortnight before
the commencement of her last illness)—" Feeling in rather a
melancholy mood, under the visitations of the Almighty through
my past life, and the gloom of the autumn making its appearance
(though autumn has its beauties too, whether rightly considered or
not,) with a sick, drooping daughter, as, I fear, I am often ledtu
say with Job, ' Shew me wherefore thou contendest with me.'
But I dare not complain, for ' why should a living man complain
for the punishment of his sins?' We are often inclined to say of
our light troubles, as the Saviour did, ' Father, if it be possible,
let this cup pass from me'— but find it harder to feel and say
' not my will, but thine, be done.' Oh that in all our straits and
trials ministering spirits may be vouchsafed to us, strengthening
us for the afflictions, toils, and duties of life ! I know my mercies
far, very far, outweigh judgments. What should we not be wil-
hng to endure, since the knowledge of salvation has been granted
to us, while so many are left to perish? But alas, how httle-are
we doing to make it known to others (or /) ! How much have we
to do around our own fireside ! I can most sincerely sympftthiae
with you ia your bustle, and toil, and depression ofspiriU, a«
viewing so much left undone that ought to have been done, and
like you feel the energies of life often failing, but—
18S
' When we can hear oor Saviour say,
Si^ngth shall be equal to our day,
Then we rejoice in deep diutress,
Leaning on all-suflScient grace.'
O let us, my dear sister, aim to bear our lot cheerfuUy and calmlv
Wg tLat the ^^Angel over the right shoulder' make' a fSl
oW hi '• ^^°' H P**"^"* continuance in well-doing seek for
glory, honour immortality, and eternal life.' Have you seen that
Uttle work, ' The Angel over the vight shoulder' 'i'' ^
«bd7hlt"L'e^ o"s""' '°'' "'^'^ *"^* ^^ '^'' ^° '^^' ^«
" She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.
tke'hw^fTn" "°'*' "^^' ^•^'°"' ^^^ inhertotgueis
the b^LV^f^ten^S *" *^' ^'^' '^ ^'"^ ^°"^^^°^'' ^^^ ^^*^*^ "°*
and h^p'SrSJJ:^^' "P' ""^ ''" ^'^ ^^'^^^^ ' ^'' ^'^^^^^^ ^H
^^"Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them
feail^X't'li^lf'^^u^Nf?^ ^^*y '' ^^" = "^^^ » ^oman that
teareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
J Give hci of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works
Tmae her m the gates." Proverbs xxxl. 10-12, 26, 31
1
^^ "■
i»
:f
m^t
and calmly,
B3 a faithful
ing seek for
»u seen that
I far above
so that he
her life.
r tongue is
eateth not
>band alsa,
illest them
Oman that
(?n worka
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