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Les cartes, plenches, tableeux. etc.. peuvent Atre film As A des taux da rAduction diffArents. Lorsque le document est trop grend pour Atre reproduit en un seul cliehA. 11 est filmA A partir da I'ungla supArieur gauche, de gauche A droite, et de haut en bes. en prenant le nombre d'Imeges nAcesseire. Les diagrammes suivants lllustrent la mAthoda. 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 "> rsx .)BAJ t OF \j "MTIZKN' ^.cAi R^.^< s< >?• BAJINEY JIOONI':y'S LKTTKRS t «x OONFDKKHAriOX, liOrilKltATIOX. A>|. - ' 'I KY BARXKV KOO.NKV, mi.. Ij I^ I R fcJ T B K TM K HALIFAX. N. S. iSd;,, •iS '^. ^p: i ■\Q^^^ —^YeT'i/ -.- > y y vv^ ; ' m fo' •'flTl BARNEY RODNEY'S LEHERS OS CONFEDERATION, BOTHERATION, ..'< a:id N • I RT BARNEY ROONEI, ESQ., OP RODNEY'S ROOST, SUBURBS OF HALIFAX, ETC. itprinttb from l^c "^nltfav Cilijen" HALIFAX, N. S. "CITIZEN" CALOinc POWEH PRESS, SOUTH FERRY WHARF. 1865. 1 r ^ /us 757 I \ V ^ I r .^> \ BARNEY ROONEY DEDICATES THESE HISTOEIC DOCUMENTS TO ) S« f rot^tr geUgaIrs from Ifec glnnHnu ^jobrnts, - IN MEEORY OP THEtR EXHAUSTIVE FE.STIVIT,E.S AT QUEnEC. AND TO THE PUBLIC GENERALLY, For whom they nre reprinted on behalf of WIDDY CASEY, AND FOR THE BENEFIT OF HER RINt. Rooneys Boost, Suburbs of Halifax, February, 1865. \ 3../V ^ •'' ^ ^- i h ■I hBTmii 1. ' MIJ. UOONEV INTIJODUCKS in>rSELF. EooNEY's Roost, Si/burhs of Halifax ) November 18th, 1SG4. * ' f Bear CiTiZEN,-May be ye don't b'leve now'l was right, when I rote to yez last about my knowin' the aacret doms of them deludherin' pollytishuns at Quebec? Faix it's sorry yez are now, I'll go bail, that ye didn't put more thrust in a gintleman, unknownst to yez indade, but that's seen a deal more nor many iv his neighbors since he left swatc Kerry many's the long year ago! "Barnev Hooney s letther is under consideration," sez voJ in yer notis to correspondents, aj if I hadn't -iven' . It the hoigth of considerashun mesolf, as Ion °. is a pint IV prime sperrits lasted, that a dacent widdv • ^^l T "" ^'^y •'^'^^^^" ^"^dcr -'Eooney's Eoost,'" chalked up for me till I cood pay her, when I got ped lor my wfiten to the press. Was it afeard^ iv me cliarges ye was, wlien I tould vez I'd let ye have the hold basis iv the Confederashun in a jiftV If yez cared fur it? Och, thin, be me sowkins ve wrong me intirely; the dirthy dhrop never Us known in Barney Rooney; if yez ud giv. me a. guinea ascratch, I'll „ot go to disdain it; but if ye prent It for favor, yer welkim, and the widdy-Lord --r "^' — miir>i Watt. 6 But yc'vo got ii at last, T obsarvc, and wliat do yoz think iv the dokymcnt? And don't ye/ wondhnr how I kirn t. git howM iv it so early '^' And what would yez give if I tould a lot n, )re that Id open the eyes iv yer readers as wide as a windy to consavo ? By the piper that played before Mo.es the basis ycA prentcd is only a part, and not the basest part n.Mthcr, iv the pranks iv these dellyc^a.' Hhun tellies, when they shut the world out a°id drew round the Conference toddy bowl. Ye see Terry Finnegan, a soort iv a relation iv m(. own lor he coorted me pretty cousin Molly afore she married Billy MalownCy, and left him to the tindhei- marcies iv the rid-headed randy that murders the dacent boy intiraly wid her thorn iv a tongue ; this same Terry's a paper correspondent in Kanady, and a thirteenth cousin to D'Arcy McGee. Ov course It was no use tryin' to pump D'Arcy-for begorru It D Arcy that'll take in more nor he'll let out anv day But Terry can watch his chance as well whin be houlds a pencil and note book as whin he used to flourish his darlint kippeen iv'a black thorn and hrash the Flanagans, like the handy bouchal that Ins father bred him, clan<. ont iv the tint iv a lair day in Ballinosloe. So whin the dellygates c^ot ilark aither a hard day's conspiracy, and D'A°cy rung lur light and lemons, faix it's.' nate and aisy lerry slipped into the room, and was as snu- as a hare in a cabbage row upon a mountin iv champac^ne baskets ^in a corner, afore the gas light was °lit. VVheii that was done, Jarge Brown double-bolted the door, sprra take his suspicious carcase; and r. I< ' II ii then clappea his rid long flap iv an ear to the aky hole to try would he hear any one breathin' beyant it. ' ■ " Och, quit yer fidgets," says D'Arcy wid a wink to Tilley, " I stuffed; a bit iv yer paper in the kay hole, Jarge, and if iver any sinso gets through that, it's more nor has happened yet." . " Jarge is right though," sez John A; McDonald, " and that's more nor I've sed iv him afore ; but we must kape this thing quiet till wo seo the run o' the cards and what chance we hev to bluff the Kanucks and the Bluenoses," sez ho. " I propose," sez he, feelin' fur the poker in a significant way, an' drivin' it home in the grate, "to make yez all Freemasons, an' thin the very calves among ye," sez he, " won't bleat till they die fir,-t." " Yer very kind," sez Tupper, wid an onaisy hitch in his chair, "but 'it's mesell' that misgiven that some iv us hev too many irons in the firo already," sez he. "There's all the iron in them Annapolis and Antigonishe railways on me con- shense," said he, and wid a' white look to Henry. "It'sjike ye, McDonald," sez D'Arcy, "to bring on yer bliggafd jiotions afore every body's too dacently dhrunk to persaive them Init meself, that kapes sober ever fur the sake iv the rest, espcshially whin I can't thrust me company. Be the rock'o' Cashel, an' that's too hard for Freemason's hewiri'," * sez he " dhraw that masonic weapon from the ribs iv the grate this minute," sez he, "or by the holy poker, it's acrasa yer own ribs I'll draw it, an.' mako ye mark master in a screech ! No, no," sez he, " if I I V \ 8 It's to raise Old Harry we're met, we kin do it wid- out raisin blisters on ourselves," sez ho "Why man alive, Jack, don't yo think we're doin' enough to disqualify ourselves fur iver sittin' in Parliament agm if we go to the polls, widout goin' to disqualify ourselves from sittin' anywhere else in the mane time ? " It's afeard ye are," sez John A, wid a snarlin' laugh, ^ ,but hand us the tipple iv ye iver stop suppin to see iv it's strong nough; an' toss a emon to Pilley, the sowl, iv he must do penance like a patriarch." "I'll hae whuskey," sez Jarge. "Yon stuff's owr kittle for my wame, but I aye ken when to stap wi aquavita3. My certie, ye're richt though, Darcie lad aboot the danger o' gangin' ower early tae the polls We ken better than the people what's guid for them; an' we would be clean daft to gie up a' our fine arrangements for personal aggrandizement, just to please a wheen land-loupers that's only whingin' for no gettin' the chance themselves. i^mna ye think sae. Mister Crupper ? " "Sir," sez Tupper, as he dried the bottom iv his tumbler, and held it handy to D'Arcy's ladle, " the well understood wishes iv the people are so notori- ously in favor iv this scheme that it would be a . reckless and infamous policy to put them to the trouble of expressing themselves iu a special vote upon it. We would be shamelessly recreant to our own noble pledges to each other to do so. My dear McCuUy, I am sure you will agree with me that the retrenchment of time and money whicl •f IK 'I [1 an I ! }[ lilt 1 9 election requires would bo preferable to the loss of the grand things which our good friends offer us ? " " My dear Tupper," sez I^IcCully , " yes— -no— that is, I mean yes — or rather no ; but I want to see you privately about it, and explain some points." "Musha then, Jonathan, avick," sez Darcy, " here's the hole thing handy ; I got a copy iv our resolutions an' doins from the Secretary to study- my speeches on " — an' he shied a bundle iv foolscap at McCully's head, which he missed, an' by the best iv good luck it whacked down on Terry's skull where he lay curled up like a hedge hog. •' Bedad, somethin' bruk tlifere," sez Darcy; "its well it's only an empty bottle," sez he ; " but let the perilous stuff lie there quiet till we want it," sez he; "an' in the manetime I'll let yes hev a bit iv a song." " Och, thin, it's mad enough an' merry enouMi their Conference grew ; Brown dancin' " TuUoch- gorum" to a ballad from Darcy on Brian Boru, an' the rest clinkin' glasses ivery second or two, *\ll Tilley got the hiccup wid the sour lemons he sucked an' tryin' to light his bedroom candle put out the gas, an' fell over the manly figger iv Cartier undher the table; an' afther that ye needn't wait to be ' tpwld that there was a yelp in Frinch, an' a howlin scrimmage, in the middle iv which Terry grabbed the manyscrip, an' shot out iv the door just as th(- watch kem tumblin' up the stairs. In an hour afterwards he had made himself .i well ped patron in several editors' offishes; an' 1 ~ devoutly hope that whin I rite to Terry agin I can • say the same thing conaarnin' your humble sarvint, Barney Booney. -\ i ^ \ 10 \ \ MR. KOONEY AT QU>;j!E(J. RooNxv's Boost SaBUR.s or Halifax, ) JNovember24. ■'864 { thimT?." "^-"''-I^"'' '' q"aro n;w mtirely that h m dellygates pursist in purtcndiu' that aU tin hey have done at the Confnnce was to dhrlw u n th ops,ded schan,e that Terry secured as S already! Bv th^^ r.nwer«* h„f if > i i ^^ ^ ^or^. but It raley heart scalds me to find them stick •wasn't inV T- '' '"'^' '''^^^^'' tJ^at, t wasn t to do their own private bisness that it thev i ' il i \ > 1 i ' \ 11 kep private. Paix, it's well thoy might be .shamo- laced about tho patchy constituehin that ' they framed ; but sighs on it, I sec two iv thim at laste that's braggiii' it up in their organs, an' liuggin' themselves up in the swctc belief that the biggest part iv their plottin' is still unbeknownst to the public. But it'll take a little moi-e bran than they tuk back in their p. -kets to stuff Barney Rooney; an' 'they know, an' they darsn't deny it, that I icas a " dellygate " to the Confrmec meself ! By the windpipe iv Bill Henry— an' that's-a sayin' that'll do as much sarvice as it's subject— ye may well be surprized, but it'p thrue ! An' bedad, I may as well make a clane breast iv it, an' tell yez all about it. Ye see, whin 1 found that a select party iv our pollytishuns were goin' to take out as well as they wor able the gratified returns of Darcy ]\rcGee an' his crowd for their summer's jollificashun down here, I thought I'd like to listen to the music iv poppin' champagne corks as well as the rest, iv thim— espeshially as my right to constitute mcBolf a "dellygate" was aiqual to theirs, 'an' as more betoken, the duns wor gettin' too familiar wid the door knocker iv "Barney's Koost" than was at all convanieut fur me timperamont. So faix I up an' tuk a thrifle iv clothes, an' a pocket pistol well primed wid a sup iv the best; an' afther sum little throuble wid sum hotel bills, an' a tindency iv the road to git broader as the flask giv out, I managed at last to be liftin' the latch iv Terry Finnegan's Ipdgins' in Quebec a little afore midnight one evenin'. [1 ^ \ J ' 12 Troth I was hungry" cnuff to Imrry to the other aide IV tlie door in a jifly, an' be the powers iv glory who W03 it but Terry himself that sat nursin' his left leg on his knee, smokin' a smutty dudhecn like a lord, eyein' the swate, fragrant, insinuatin' atcam from a jug that was fit for two hours' sarvice, an' thinkin' away for the dear life iv him, like a Icprauchin cobblin' the fairy's shoes ! "Hooray, Terry, my jewel," I shouted, whackin' me caubeen on the flure, an' my bundle on tap iv it. "Is it yerself that I see as happy as the Grand Turk, an' an honor to your relashins ? Sure, Terry avic, ye mind Barney Rooney, that wos iver yer mate for mischief or mirriraent undher the owld skies iv Ballynasloe ! " " I do," sez he. " But spake aisy,' Barney, an' shut the door afther ye," sez he ; " that's the fashin here," sez he. " May the saint.s be about me," sez I, ♦' but it's; yerself that's larned to give the cowld welkim iv the Sassenach, Terry. Sure," sez I, bittherly, liftin' me crushed headgear, an' feelin' fur the door, " I wos lookin' for the warm hearted bouchal that used to go coortin' cousin Molly, an' that I stuck to like wax whin the Flannigans thried to empty the house iv our faction at owld Diuny Carrigan's wake! But, hanjm an diaoul, it's not beside that heavenly whiskey he's sittin', or me whistle wouldn't be as dbry as the last peat in the stack ! " "Och. Bnrnftv lirtnATT " oQ^ lir. w.^n,.^„j i-ri ? me mintion iv Molly, " don't go to ruin us both be yer passion. Sure its welkim enuff yez arc, I >i 'ri 13 Barney, as sunshine to shamroclcs; crad rniUefaUltc^ me darlint. But I'm bollicred to death wid thim dellygates," sez he; "they liaven't left this blissid house more nor a minnit ago, an' tliey'vo drained me jug more times nor ye'U find in tlio multiplication table," sez he. " But, however, there's a dawshy dhrop left," sez he, handin' over a noggin, " that'll help yez to tell yer story widout chatterin' yer teeth." Well, thin, signs on it, I told Terry the hole iv my plan ; but he shook his head as if he thought it's little share iv the champagne it ud bring us. Howivir, I soothered him into consinting to thry ; an' next day up the stairs we marched to the Confrince, as bould as barrack rats, an' knocked at the door as iv it wor the Lord Mayor iv China, instead iv a couple iv cute bogtrotters, that wos in it. " Who's there at all at all," bawls out Darcy's voice. " A couple iv dacent dellygates, yer Worshipful," sez I, in the dandiest tones I could coax to me tongue. ' ' " Begone, ye misbegotten schamers," sez Darcy comin' to the door, an' recognizin' Terry, " no Irish, need apply ! " But, by the hokey, whiniver the door was opened I made a boult to the middle iv the room, an*" " Betther late than nivir, jintlemen," sez I, wid a bow an' a manin* look to the half empty decanter. "Allow me to introduce meself an' frind as delly- gates from Sable Island," sez I, sittin' me down into Darcy'a empty chair. 3 ' 1 14 ' *j V I \ \ I " Ocli, murder, what a lie," bawled Tupper and McCully at onst. " Sure, Sable Island," rcz they, " is a dcpindincy iv the Province that wo dollygated ourselves fur," sez they. " I am plazed to larn that yer usual perlite talk 8 left to ye yit," sez I, stiffly, and that ye'rc both as thick as thieves now, which is only nateral indade whin there's lots iv sich licker to thicken yer tongues. But I'd have ye to know, me gay birds, that Sable Island has bruk from legislative union wid Novy Skoshy as aisy as ye split one pace iv Canady from the tother yerselves, and I appointed meself and this relashun of mine," sez I, " to come and sell all her rights to Jarg6 Brown, for a title and an office like the rist iv the marytime mimbers." " Ay, say ye so," sez the biggest rhinoceros in the crowd. " Weel, then, callant, I'll gang to work wi' you as I've '^une wi' the ithers afore ye. Steek the door there," he added, turnin' to Barcy, who was winkin' to Terry and gettin' rid in the joUers Vid tryin' not to lafF at the fun. " Noo, sir," continued he, " ye tak notice o' this pile o' paper, I howp?" "Less notice than I do iv the want iv another tumbler," sez I. "Whist ye F. .nose haverel," sez he, "mind ye're afore yer Canadian superiors. Wull ye swecr to extend representation by population to Sable Island ?" " Sorra the much poppilation that's there," sez I, barring the say gulls aind ponies." " The verra thing," sez Jarge. /( 15 I? ;! " So much the bettor for Upper Caiiady ; and besides yer no waur nor ycr neebors, for this scheme ia guan to make yo a' gulls and beasts o' burden." "Baste ycrselt," se/. I, "and its a basting ye'll git if ye talk to the head iv the llooncy's tike that." And I laid hold iv the bottle to punish him, but betther thoughts previnted me, an' T punished the sherry instead. " Noo, sir," sez he again, " after agrcein' to that ye must adopt our Canadian tariff and— but in short jist sign this bit o' parchment and its dune." " And what will I git for my civility ?" sez I. " Why," sez he, " that's the very thing we've met here to discuss. Darcie, my lad, just bring out thepaper ye hid when we head them knockin' and read out what the rest have gotten. Meantime let me introduce myself to you Messhers delegates as Sir George Brown, that is, ye ken, I'm 'guan hamc when the Confrince ends to get the title, which is a' my modesty allows me' to accept. But the maritime delegates wuU be rewarded weel for the com- plaisance they showed to Canady. Read, Darcy lad." - - .. , " Faith," sez Darcy, " before I read,- the two iTova Scotians that wer disputin' whicli in thim should be made Duke by the viceroy must agree on that momentous' pint," sez he. "Tupper, alana," sez McCully, wid a vice as soft as a tub iv Cumberland butther, "considher the claims iv the Opposishun." "Troth will I, McCully mavourneen," sez Tupper, as soft as another tubful iv the same, only twice as 16 u big, " aftlicr I look cut for number one, as my way is ye know." "To my sorra I knows it," muttliera McCully, " and the country that yer Bellin' knows it as yc'll find whin the Annapolis writs are returned. But it*s yer chance now, an' take it." " Well thin," sez Darcy, " that's settled, an' I'll be glad to congratulate by an' by His Serene Highness, Charles Duke iv — " Parrsboro' Snag " sez a vice in the chimney wid a distinctness that wud hev startled me, but that I knew it was my own doin', fur I lamed ventriloquism as well as native Irish, an' -kin apply my stomach to language an' liquor together, which is mighty convanient I find. But musha, the rest were skeered I tell ye, all but Tupper, who vudn't be persuaded that it wasn't McCully. Wid a falterin vice Darcy proceeded. "The most noble the Marquis McCully — " " Iv Brunswick Place," interposes the vice in the chimney! " Preserve us," yelled Jarge, " there's somethin' no vera cannv in the lum !" " Sacre Bleu," screeched Cartier, " dis is what I have made plottin wiz ze infernal raskels. You have raise le diable wiz your Confederation cursed. You let me go will you ; make me no dukes, no uothzing. I sail no longer stay near your Upper Canady, and his friend in the cheemney !" - " Stap yer sweerin, ye skirlin' sinner," sez Jarge, " Are ye no feared to invoke the powers o* darkness that way, and them maybe no t"*^at far awa' ? Eh t! 17 airs, my heart misgive.^ me. I've no been houc.- December 20, 18G4. ' j Citizen Deaii,— I haven't sint yez any lotthcr rtinco I rote to yez last, bokasc it wasn't intirely convanif^nt, be raison iv me havin' to attiud to a lot iv di .'/ wi =5 an' dun's an' the loike, wid which a lev spalpeen^ of creditors liavo cmbitthorcd my onjyment fur tlie hist half dozen Christmasses. But dade thin, sorra the hap'orth they tuk fur ther paiiis; an' hero I'm agin this blissed holidny, spindin' the forenoon wid me legs on the mantel- piece, waitin' till Widdy Casey is done wid washin' me sliirt, to go to a rale grand party this evonin". An' so, faix, as I knock tli^ ashes out iv me dhudeen I've a month's lAind to insinse yez iv a piece iv partickler impertinence that the Docther, as his, darlint Confiderate used to style him, dun agin yer humble sarvint. Ye see I was callin' tho fother afthernoon on my gallint counthryman th Ginoral, who has a rale warm Irish heart, God Mo- H . sann ; and it was not long I toll ye afore 'p. 3,:^ v/v- a decanter from the side boord, and a n >g,-i; i:i aich Ir our hands. Begorra, time was goin' as fast v/id us two I i\ 20 * ■ • fV3 a jig at a wake, wlion all iv .. flufl(!int a ra|» comes to the door as loud as if Bully Hector liimnelf was thryin it on wid his knuckloa; and in hounced the Si.rv int wid news that the Docthor was in the pad.sago wid a faco on him that hot that ye might Ugiit a box o' matches afF it. " Gincral, jewel," soz I, " 'tis meself mislikes to be in the company iv one that'll niver bo a jintle- man until that wather there turns into punch widout an infusion of the essintial iliment," sez 1. "So," sez I, "wid yer lave, Gineral dear, I'll slip round this fire screen forninst us, till ve take him into the other room, and — " Afore I could say any more, in flies the door wid a murtherin bang, an' the Docther himself stud in the middle of the flure, wid a vindictive gleam in his basilisk oi. " Ye're takin' it coolly," sez he, wid a snarl, viewin' the Gineral's tumbler, fur I had taken mine full beyant the screen, not willin' to lave a sup fur aich a poor spirited gossoon. "Ye're out there. Crupper," sez me darlint host," " it's hot, it is," sez he, " as ye may thry fur yerself ifyeloike." "Bisiness first," sez the Docther, shortly. "Gineral," sez he, "there's a Mr. Kooney, that capting in the 99th Halifax Militia, that's bin writin' fur the press, the bliggard. Dismiss him at once, av ye plase ; what right has sich as he to have _ _-_ ?_-•-_ _.-»i- T-vi-^- :_ i:a:-_ o" a cummiooioii, an to uauuir in puiiiic« ; " What !" aez the Gineral, " air ye in yer aivin wits, Crupper?' ij li t 1 ,^M f. ■ '■ '■ 1 I if 21 "Och, now, GincraV' answers the other/ ^ it's jokin' ycz are, sure, honey; ye won't refuse ycr namesake Cliarlie a raisonable request like that. Begorra, ma bouchal, yer military subordinates are that hard on me in the papers that if ye don't muzzle the crew in a minnit, they'll hurt the government, so they will. But what makes ye miscall me Crupper ?" "Bekase,"sez me host, "ye;re a Tale Bearer. Och, it' s little else ye've iver' had to say to me barrin' 'Dismiss here, dismiss there, dismiss every- where.' Sure, are ye iver done ? Didn't ye come to me twice wid a mouthful iv curses agin Captain Bullfrog and Major Molasses, for givin' ye the ould boy's own skinnin' in the Wakely Tadpole ? Didn't I tell ye thin that a British officer was as free here as in the ould counthry, where he can go into Parliament if he likes an' oppose the ministhry ? An' bekase some iv me officers here may take to more intellectual exercise nor billiard playin', an' use the right iv a Briton to express their opinions freely, ye want me to play the tyrant to gratify yer paltry spleen ? If ye kin confute their argymenta do so, an' don't come snivellin' here about military restrictions, which bigger statesmen nor iver the likes iv ye niver dared to hint at !" "Aisy, aisy, Gineral dear," sez the Docther. "Sure I'm sorry to vex yez, an' ye lookin' so well too. Niver mind the Bidlfrog jist now, I'll put me mark on its impudent captain, confound the granJmother that helped to produce such a thafe iv the worlf^ \ But it's this ruffin Rooney I want .1 \ I ! 22 Mil// to give a hist to at prisint. Sure he's only a militia ' man aftlier all, an' we kin dismiss him fur .-pccial cause, the ignorant, insolent, reckless, shameless, besotted^ — " ". ■ •.'.•'. ;• .•.•..■ '" Stop there, ye cutthroat," sez I, wid a bound right over my ambush iv a screen. "I'd thank ye." sez I, rolliil' up mew ristbands, "to repate a little iv that sentimental language ye used jist now in the GineraFs back yard," sez I. * "Och, me dear Mr. Rodney — Captin Rooney, I mane," se.^ the Doctber, "is it yerself that's in it? Sure now, «iidn't I know yq wur there the whole time, me dear and honorable frind ? Bad luck to the heart that wud iver say the hard word agin so patriotic an' effishent a milisha officer, so stanch a Conservative, so straightforward an Irish jintlemin. Shake hands. Captain, and forgive me thryin to humbug ye wid my innocent joke !" " The back iv me hand an' the sowl o' me fut to sich traitors as ye," answered I. " May I niver," sez he, ' " but I came to the Gineral to ax fur promotion fur ye," sez he. Sure, ye know, Rooney, honey, I'm fond iv me joke." " If Retrinchment's a joke, ye'ra not far wrong," sez I, "but ye'll find it no joke at the nixt election. But howsumdiver, why don't ye ax my promotion *' Och, blood an' botheration," sez he, gettin' dark in the face. " It's now I remimber I clane forgot the papers I prepared for the Gineral's signature ! But they'll do for to-morrow. Mane- ■ l m . 1 ■ •» I ij il m 23 time, Mr. Iloonoy, an' yc'll walk down the street wid me, I want to discoorso wid yez a little," Well, my dear, it's little I thrus ted tlio dcludcrin' tongue av him, and sorry I was to lave the good company I was in ; yit, as the Gineral had stalked aff in a rage, and as I might larn something useful from the schamer, I oonsinted. What happened I'll tell in my nixt. Barney Rooney. 24 \ LETTER TV. i I THE COLONIAL CASTLEREAGH. / Eooney's Boost, Suburbs of Halifax, Dec. 30tli, 1864. I Dear Citizen, — I was tillin' ye how the Docthor thried to put the comether on me whin he tuk me from the Gineral's down to his offish to bring me to raison, he sed, and to show me that my interests lay in favor of Confederashun. "Mr. Rooney," sez he, whin we got alone in the room, " it's a pity that tongue iv yours dosn't wag under a thrifle more brains, an' thin ye'd lam to talk on the side that brought most grist to yer mill. "Sure, man alive, ye may as well quit writin' and spakin agin Confederashun, for me and McCuUe is goin' to pass it in spite iv all the teeth in Nova Scotia, if we kin git the mimbers to jine our plan, as I'm takin' care they shall do. Did ye iver sarch yer dixionary for the manin' iv the word ' Hush-money,' my boy ?" " I've heard more nor I've seen iv that same," answered I. " Troth, thin," sez the Docthor, " you've yerself to blame, if ye havn't a cool hundred to begin wid, H' |i i S ! 'lli |'I.WI i|iii wi| I l iii ; ! i . t 25 t\Z^ <">»1 ^'"''.'Ire.I !•• »ez I. "Faith it's ymelf that s cool to mintion it. Why, ,„a„ alive /eou W airn more „,r that iv I sold meself bone I, ul , S by the pound (or acannibal supper party'" laJi^ ft t '^'' ''°"8'''" »- H ,vid a, S» • V • . °™'>'' y" "'"'"''dl'un, d^n't ye see the pickins ud all be clane ^one awiv fl by such a Kew Zealander bargai;^; I tZi: manea more pickins to yerself by-and-bv wlZ W"d ye say if when Tm Ippointed' Wer „ ST. Proymce I naded a lord chamberlain in waUi^_ ' your mze and appearance? Eooney vT y Z wouldn't ye look crand in ^^' t • ^ S. dre,, f^n;; ■ ° ^ y® '■* '"'^n new court dress, foUowjn me to open the House? T r,...i ^ors:it^:^;:5--Sut,^^t s^wvlzT" BesSes . seTf t' ''^"'''"'' ">« grand chamberlair ook ay pe' I ^l T". ^" honest contempt for the man tK 1^ ^'^ *" woman's tay to ^it to b^ 1 "^ h.s country- give him as' ittl! h oub e in' wirof " 'T'' ""' course as a Governor Tt »fl 7^ '°"'^' "''^'"■ folks eh 9 ^"^^""f got afore frum some spiteful loiKs, eh ? No, no," sez I, Halibut's ' homoMnn,,. • to such fooling, but your humble sarvSX" *' Well, well," sez he, testily. " iverv mor,'. x Jjsprice ye know yours, I spL ; VZ 7ZX M-u. . i.„,niae ye as much as I promised MiCulle; 26 ]■■ ^vouW a berth aiqual to Minister ly Puolic Instruction satisfy yer extreme modesty ? "Tush ye gommach," sez I, "yer promise wildn't carry a shorter man nor meself very ^ir. Troth its well McCulle hez a bctther howlt on the Confederashan exchequer than your promises wild stick in his tin commandments iv fingers. ^ Bcsides,^^ sez I, " McCulle an' me isn't * homogeneous intirely, - **^''" Och, Rooney," sez the Docthor, sez he, " yer more rogue nor fool, I'm thinkin' !" , " All the fitter fur the Railway Office, me jewel, sez I, " to judge by yer recent policy there." " Whew " whistles he, " is it there ye are ; och, then, be me sowVs salvation, av ye'll only give me a spell iv help in writin' up Confederashun, 1 11 kick out the Avardicious varmint that's in it as fa^t as ye'd rowl an impty cider barrel acrass the crutther," sez he. " Sure," sez he, " I kin make him inspector iv liquors under the new act for the regulation iv the rale stuff, that Vm goin' to fetch in nixt session, and I'll stick on a bit iv a salary in my usual retrinchment way," sez he, wid a hearty laugh and a playful poke in me ribs. " Come, Booney," sez he, " it's a bargain, and a" good one for you, and ye ought to quote the earliest offishal language of the late Financial Secretary, and say * whaf'l ye drink ?" ^ " Sure," sez I, " 'tis meselt that thinks ye had a . bigger skinful av licker in Canada than ye've managed to digest, by the confusion iv yer argyments lately. No, sir, it isn't a bargain, and i m n~ i 27 what's more I'll tell the people, .0 I will, who's to be homogeneous' Governor, ' lioniogcneous' public instruction man, and 'homogeneous' grand flunkey to his Excellency Cliarles-^" "Then," interrupted the Docthor, "Til bowldly declare that yc lie." . ■ '" It' any man but ycrself had .poken that rude way to a Rooney," sez I, he " wud bo fittin' his nose into the hollow of me largest knuckles nixt minnit," sez I. "But sure, ivery one knows ye lack tlio essmtial illiment, bad scram to ye ! Och !" sez I liftin' me caubeen an'buttonin' me coat, "it rnake'^- me as sick as a % ih soap suds to hev the likes iv ye latherin' a poor body up wid offers iv a salary ' Sure I'd scorn such dirty schames, an' what's more Docther, fur all yer grand flummery, begorra it'^ not much Canada money ye'll jingle in yer pockets yerself if the people git fair play an' a voice in the arrangement. Sure if ye talk till yer toncuie's as dead tired as a fiddler's elbow, afther ifiven o'clock at night, on St. Patrick's 'Day, ye'll nirir git the people to sell all they have an buy a larcrer field fur statesmin! Poor Halibut will be too round in the stomach fur a smart Governor's flunkey uniform, before he gits it. McCulle will have lamed to write an' spake grammatically by the time he gits Public Instruction, an' ye will have begun to spake the truth, an' given up that portion IV yer salary ye once said ought to be retrinched— whin another man had it !" Faiz, he was mad, that a fact, but I didn't give the toss of a trauneen fur his anger, an' whin he 28 run afthcr mc to the door an' bawled in the passage " Git out ye dirty, brazen, reckless, infamous, recreant, shameless, nefarious, falsifying, personal, unparalleled, Munchauscn-like, unconstitutional, Irish olackguard," I yrinked at him as serenely as the bubbles brimming on a whiskey jug wink ye to come an' have a sup; "an*,'' aez I, "hadn't ye betther take another thrip to Canada, Docther dear, fur ye're not quite cured iv yer owld thricks iv abusin'," sez I. " Sure, yer Excellency that is to be," sez I, " ought to hev the handbook ivginteel talk by heart, now, to see how you wud resave yer visitors." An' wid that I left him ! Barney Kooney. i i^ ' ■il ) H\ \ 29 1 11 ;■ I ; J ; i: LErrwK V. PATSy HOOLIGAN'S ISliKhXMrKS. ROONEY-S ROOSI SUBUK,.S OF lUu.^X ) ■January 6tb, 18C5. f CmzEs DEAE,-Little di.l nu- dandy litt o counthryman Tom Moore, .nuvun. that ho w furmshm' a aelfi.sh maxim for a hraoo iv bare-fal:^ pol yt.sh«„s in Nova Scotia, ,vhi„ ho wa, nsn ' by the jolly chorus iv the dusky canoemen, to sing- "Oltawa'a tide! yo„ trcmblins moon Shall ,00 U3 Boat on thj- surRw soon" And yit aid. is the uppermost feucy iv Messrs Tapper and McCully at the prisint .nomcnt Od " had wid the squabbles iv thim two salarv suckers"' It used to be, the Nova Scotia " lyre" and "poison bag docthor, justas if McCulle's dissectin 'k ,7 had d«hvered a venimous gland in his Cumberland immy like the fetid gland thaf,, peculiar o t e n-gger, I'm towld. "Cursed be Canaan" ^^o the slave driver, sniffin' the dirthy reek iv Sambo's Cully 3 mornm bawl as he turned up his lobster claw nose at the editorial iffusions iv the "poiTC Bedad, .t 'ud bother a baker's do.en iv darkev < > - ^ i 80 winches, scttliu' ouia scores blue-"bcrry barren, to be lots biB jawin ta^ .cux.n „ia each other on a kape np wid the docthor ^vhln .ckle out! ^vid yells agm Munch :na;ncaW„'sUmyhint..bouao« the auscn, tto Railway fares grew beautium, .■^■•■. now, and yo might as ^^«'' j^ i^^, p^ir bog. iv Tralec, as a row l^^^^^^; *^ / „ j,„^th.n, iv^them. Sure Its notlu. now >ut ^^ iewel," and " Doctlior, '«^;; ..^^t tlL hall davlint," and "'^-VV^'^'S,^^''l ,, ,,,^, ehairs tUey cuddled lovmly t°S">^i^' Jl^ ^„„t ;„ fond Ja nivoi- bo n- .^tc a rdtlu-ia gamble,- rS-uliSW^eboiirwida..^^^ •n- ■Hni-'thor ovourneen! yer pills, ^.^^^7'' ;, ^^ , ^, b,ac.ged very loudly iv Thin, agm, Jonathan has mag ^^^^^^^ late, that he.hroweca.ayh^s^-^ ^^^_^^^^ an' was ready fur a bian ne^^ . ^^^ty finger ^~r'rrurers:\:Hnw^u^^^^^^ he'd mal^e in the like i^ Hooligan's *^n^^^'^re"^\T em:.V-^ur, br tches, so he cloe^ . -l ^^ ^^ itossoon, an was ivci mammy : nest full iv tattevs, ail -;;;SXSnioleslcins to what less would cut down an make a new pair ould pair iv her husb fur Patsy, an . H I . ■Y-i 11 i 31 suit her than to laakc tliiiii as laggy before as thoy wero behind to save patchin' by an* by. Sure, th(.« cut was quare, I till ye, an' niarle more nor the masther stare whin Tatsy skulked to his sod sate in the liedge school late one mornin'. " Come here, Tatsy, ye loithoriu' cub," bawled the masther, "what, sir, is it runnin' afl'ycx arc ?" "No, but comiu' masther," wliimpored Patsy • " Was I runnih' Barney ? Sure av its plasin' thin. It's mo new britches, savin' yer prisince, makes me look like turnin' me back an ye, masther !" "Och! be the mortial blissid Joseph, boys," sez the masther, wid a laugh that loud that it scatthered the hens in the potato patch outside, •' poor Tatsy's right ! Dade thin, ye misforthunato oraadhaun, it's ye that's made the match fur the Banshee! May I niver agin whistle ' Vincgac Hill ' if yer mother hasn't made a holy show iv thr risin' generation! Troth, not to spake iv her inconvenience iv riggin' ye fore an' aft, in such a umform fashin that yer preceptor that's responsible fur thrashin' yer larnin' well intil ye, doesn't mtirely thrust himself where to begin, it's a mighty ondacency. Patsy, to make ye look like an impUiat can sit an two stools at onst ! More, be token, ye'll always be late now, ye vagabono, fur how are ye iver to tell by lookin' at yerself iv yer comin' to school or goin' home !" • An' be me sowkins, now, McCulle's in the same mess wid his new political breeches; as Patsy was ! Whether ye look at him before or behind, he seems to be movin' away from his party ! Sure, not to r 1 \ 32 Tapper an- Darcy Magco t-nM 1^^^^ ^^._^^^ howiver! Ue isni ^ - ^ „„-tv that helped to make h.m the pub ue ^^^ ^^.^ ._^^ ^^^ to be, fur nothin now, 1 »"'' y« . --^^ ^^^^ the more on Ottawa than on Annapo'' ^ j' ^ .^ desaver, fur he's thmkm mo e J the po p.,Uc instruction. - J f^f ^rUtlJ the part>; there, nor iv the P""<='P''; ,.„„„iin' hard an manful, m the tace iv , ^.^ j^^^^,^. that Wxs mesmensed M/^^u ly in .^ ^^^ bolder! Och, but let ^'m take cat ctn tripped up be thim same ''-f «^™i,e Lord .Ws airiu- Ws trotters m ^^J^'^^^,^ ^^,^^, Mayor - ^^v^T ,t sLX'through tho late m Me, ''^ ,~u,!^^^^^^^ sleeves iv a murthered *ta\e er p J ^ j^^, way. that was nioroP'Cturesciuc than com ^ill he fell in a bog hole one -'-" J,^"';,,,,„ey .rise fur the tightness, causin , av coorse, ■'"f^rCrratr^rHmthedirthy Sure its iuppei uuiu ye some --y''^-?\^!: S:th"tWo,In-have day soon. 7"'- ^':,"t;;-Vwcv fur me pipe: Till more ' m thin, oh Bivir BaBNEY B.OONEY 33 ij^7j"i:i^:i: vj. f Mil. liOONKY'S DUKAM. RoONKY's lioOST, SUHUIII^S OF HALIFAX,)' January 13, 1865. J Tare-an'-ounty. Citizen dear, its me.self that had the quarc dhrame .,ure enough tlie other night, an' dade it's a fortune the ppecrit-rappers, the deludherin' rapparees that they arc, wud make intirely, if only sich visions wud go fur to rise before their sla^in' eyesight. Sorra the speerits there was in the room howsomdevor, no, not the laste 8up in the jug that was full an hour afore, though I own there was rayther a strong scent of "Crosskeen Lown" in the atmosphere iv the Roost, an' maybe the jug had its own share iv the jugglery in me brain, but ye'll hear fur yerself. Ye see I had pushed my chair away to the fire from the side iv the empty noggin on the little table bekase I don't nade lamed min to till me that "nature abhors a vackuum" whether in air pumps or whiskey jugs. Nursin' me knee at the fire, faith I fell to findin' all manner iv quare faces in its sinkin' imbers. Sure, close be the bars didn't I see a hot spatcli iv a cinder wid a taste iv white ashes an top that was the born image iv what McCuUe wud look whin made Lord Chi'ef Baron iv Ml ! \ 1 T> ^\. Mnro ho token tlicrn con- t..e« -. a >voony h U^ U J^ ^^ winkin- away .t- a-nu ^,^^^^ ^^^_^^^ ^^_^ in mmd m a ""'2' J„thry mdo, that more nor nt U- STov- d ::: d. 'otion .or the teasin' vat halt tl.c ''oy; ^u, „i<^hly mistake in marrym darUnt that made tho^m^oy ^^^ ^.^^^^ j,,, that owldnuse Toddy Uy ,^^^ ^.^^^^ j^^^^,^^ f^""' bHm ye' naythcr, cashla machrco; it ' 'torcrotlXd bodach mad. ye marry the wa., yer cross g a trouble h,mlo..s. scarecrow, an It s you u ..« <^" ^ ^^^^ \ > - ! I ;j5 th^at it wits, to kcop him afloat, an' lie v/us only too glad to tic it on the largo but not much s;ifer vcss(;l Sure, too, there was the Docthcr liimself at t\w. helm, lookin' pretty .scared, I tell yez, at the way the canoe wa.s leakin'; there was Adams Archibald takin' soundin's at the prow wid a long yarn iv his own manufacture, wid the story of Oily Gammon an' *'Tin Thousand a Year" in one pocket, a flask iv chape Canadian whiskey in the tother, an' a smutty bit of a dudheen stuffed full of Cana.la twist in his mouth. An' och, by all the powers iv blarney wasn't it McCulle that was killin' himself polin* away, and singin' the Canadian Boatsong wid a hard timber note now an' thin like one who lamed to sing the tune late in life. Holy Moses, but he sung for his supper, I tell yez, though ivery time he got to the end iv the Grand Confederation scow, an* seen the Docthor's private canoe towin' there ho shook his head and made unpleasant remarks on the state iv Denmark. But at ivery sich juncture faix Tupper bent down to the old ommaudhaun's ear an' whispered " Ottawa," an' that ud start him off again as lively tis a toothless scraggan of a knock kneed horse, that bolts as nate as a blood colt up through the fair, bekase iv the ginger that's under his tail." "Thunder and blazes, boys, yank her," Bess Jonathan. "Hooray there, Ottawa's tide, this rolling river! What's got into ye, Hinry, yc spalpeen, that ye niver crook them elbows iv yours to help us up stream ? Musha, man alive d'ye- mane to skulk ? " 3(5 "Arrah, shut up ycv row," groaned Henry. V Sure it's sick I am I tell yez, and what's more T jsvon't kill mesolf lal.orin' till I'm .sartin sure i^' the ^)ay. Why don't Dickey there mix in and take his -Rpeli ? Is he affeard iv splittin' his gloves wid them lumberiu' poles ? ' " Och, whist, the hole bilin iv yez/' snarled the •Docthor. "Archibald, alannah, won't ye want a leetle more yarn ahead there ? McCuUe, mavour- .iieen, I thank ye kindly for yer zeal, but arn't yc rather loud, me honorable frind ? It's reckless ye • know, to rouse them float in' batteries there by the .Nova Scotia shore." . Bade thin, by the bones iv Brian Boru, as the night w-as growing grny, and the 'now dawn com in', .1 seen as gallant a ileet as iver St. Kevin counted from the high hill iv Howth. There was the sturdy iton-clad Citizen, flying the ould liberal pennant .at the tore, and the silver bright flag of Nova Scotia ftt the main ; there were the staunch war steamers Free Press, Eastern Chronicle, Tribune, Herald, Casket, Transcript and Mios, and the dandy gunboat Bullfrog, wid a smashin' Armstrong aboard, lookin' each as lively in the water as a salmon on his summer rambles up the Shannon, and as full iv fight as Billy Malowney that went for a so^er was when he tossed his frieze coat and gave the si<»nal to his faction to raise their shillelahs wid a murdherin' whack on the skull iv squintin' Dick, the Brannigan's bully. "Blur and agers," cried Jonathan, takin' Archibald's Canadian flask from mouth, " not a one iv meself is afeard iv thorn, V n .37 (Vny^iow • ■ It's o-cttiuK U^y'-ud tl I hoir numxi we ain boy.., ull but tlic ould iVi,,at.o Chronick near us, ar.' 1 spiked ],or guns nicoli; and toivaway l.or lIa.>sl;,f:• w ud., bejabers, is the very polo that's puttiV yc. all up to Ottawa at sieh a bounein' rate. Whooh yeraowl! Hoorroosh ! Ottawa's tide, you troiu ' Bang came a shot over the wather, makin tlio spniy skip away in fair white terror where it struck and smack went the pole that was sieh a brag fur McCully, ana plump wen' that worthy himself, in the river no Ios8 ! i » ",°''''°'>- Joseph wh„t a splash," scroochod Archibald, " McCulIy ovei-boaivl '" '• So he is, the sowl :•■ «ay, Tuppor a» .uy ,. a c-olloen at her Catechisn,, " and n,ayl,c he's dro«ndod : May the heavens bo l>i„ bed, we could liavo better spared a better man ."" w n^,f' ?'"'""'''' ^"""'"^'■' l'"^'""'"' «I«"" aoz . MoCu le, whin he rose to the surface, " talie mc aboord, there's a honey, or I'll bo kilt wid the oowld, and this Januwy too .' 'Och hurry will ye/.'" I m afeard I can't," sez Tuppor coolly. " Ye won t be anny soort iv use now, your polo'., broke ' Besides ye kin swim so well, deacon darlint, that be me sowl s salvation, I'm envyin' ye ! Ain't it very like a whale" se. he to Dickey, wid a .rin. an makm a jab at Jo„.atlmn wid a boat-hook, „°„1, hev sent him to Davy Jones, only for th; .s'w strikin a snag so sharp that the doctor Rw,nv, «!.' tillT"- , f''V'^'' '' ='-' bit iv Annapoli.: timber, and knocked a hole in the .scow almost lar... f^ I i 1 1 38 enough for Longloy to rIiovo an ai>pl was, ho was thryin to tidge behint me wid that murtlerin' pike, for all his paceful palaver, whin out under the table sprung " Bogle," a terrier that's grown tough and rugged wid changin' his climate for years at the heels iv his master. Sure " Bogle " seen the deadly glitter iv his oi, an' had him pinned be the throat in a jifty. Faix its more nor oust the Docthor screeched ■" Weirasthru " in the rough and tumble on the floor; an' McCulIo losin' his head, begun to bawl out Shakspeare at random. " To be or not to be I" he roared. "Is that a dagger that I see before me !" " I was a coward on instinct, Hal. the lion Tan away when he saw the true prince." " What, shall pampered jades of Asia — " " Hoot ye villain," screeched VViddy Casey, comin' into the room wid a kittle iv hot wather an' a broomstick, " who d'ye call a jade ? How darst yc insult a dacent widdy at her own kay hole, ye impenitent varmint ? Is k to murther the lodger that pays mc rint ye kern to do, Tuppor, ye thafo iv the world ? An' you that a subdisguised i)aper once wrote down an as&, as this dacent jintlemaji Mr, Rooney towld me, shurc they didn't go far ep.ougli — for its an assassin ye arc, an' the curse o' Cromwell on sich a dirthy pair." " Madam," faltered McCulle,- u " Whisht ye fool," sez 1, laiighin' at thr sporty " as ye'ro so fond iv Shakspcare yc'll understand whin I say, Stay not upon the order iv yer goin' but slcodaddle at once ! The same (juotation is ready for you, Docther," sez I, " an' all over the Province, whinivir ye give it a chance to discoon^e ye. " " Troth yes, an' its be steam power they'll go," said me buxom heroine mixin' in wid broomstick and kittle. Och, murther, sich a racket as there was whin the pair iv thim slittered down stairs wid Missis Casey an' " Bogle " at thrir heels ! Up come the^ landlady wid a handful iv hair, a piece iv a paper, collar, an' a flask that supplied the Dutch courage to me distinguished visitors. It was only chape Canada whiskey, ho\vcver, and I let the poor widdy kape it for her own immediate refreshment — only resarvin' the pike as a trophy. I'll show it ye the next time ye come to the Roost. Barney Rooney. "I ■1 45 LEriAiii; vin niK Hourni KDrii<: of ilvttlm. Eooney's Roost, Suburijs of Halifax ) Feb. 10th, 1864. ' J . Citizen Dear,— It's mcsclf that's bin gittin' tho height iv ingyement lately. Bedad ye must know I was goin' to the moose huntin' the other moriiin' about a wake since, an' tiik the train fuio an' airly. Sure whin I intered the cars there wor two felHes wid shiny black bags, that put me in mind.iv the chaps that wint to make a big cinder iv New York by goin' wid black bags full iv phosphorus into the hotels, and playin' owld scratch wid the bed posts. It was aisy to see wid half an eye that it was more iv them dellygates goin' to deluther the honest boys iv King's County wid their Confederashun clash. Faix thin, the Docthor stared as I passed him, and semed rayther streaky about the gills, as if Widdy Casey's bilin' wather had interfered with his shavin' operations, by givin' him more blisters nor lather. " The top iv the mornin' to ye, Docthor," sez I, " an' sure now its a nate stretch iv villainy that brings ye out by daylight like this I'll be bound." ^^•^1 ye snud iiev seen the murtuerin' look he aint me. Dade thin, he was as mad as a rattlesnake } \ i- h caught ho tho tail in a gate hinge, an' he smiled as swate as prussic acid, while he turned to look out iv tho windy lettin' on he didn't rightly hear that I spoke. Howaoniivir I moved to the ind of the car, a?i' there I seen that owld gutchcr Jonathan so wid many black bags round him, that he looked fur all the world like tho king iv the cockroaches. There was a desperate droop in the corners iv his mouth that made him half appear tho ghost iv a defunct Eailway Commissioner, that had been revisitin' tlia scenes iv his former greatness, an' was jist beginnin' to dreen away r^fther cock crow. /'Well thin, Jonathan boy," sez I, sittin' down: foreninst him, '' it's seedy ye look, sure enough,, this blissid mornin'! Maybe ye've been goin' through the streets all night, pickin' up smutty similes fur yer next essay, eh ? Sorry ye left in Bich a hurry the tother night, but ye wor foolish intirely to go to crass the Widdy. Missis Casey gits narvous whin suspicious characters are round." " Spake not to me, thou reprobate Rooney, iv that degraded female, whom I intind to prosecute fur scratchin' my nose and riflin' my honorable frind iv his whiskey flask. My statesmanlike thoughts soar high, I apprehend! I look beyaut Nova Scotia I am apt to think ! I do not deny my noble ambition to revisit Ottawa ? But woe to this Province if it prevents my boyhood's dream from bein' realized! Ha, ha, I smell the battle afar off!" "So Job's war horse ouce remarked," sez I •i' 47 if M ,1 '1 '.>' caroJossly, "but this is thn first time I found /i donkey imitatin' a bettor qua.lrupod's sintiinont.s." ^ "What, riinful inan/'soz ho, " dost tliou .hro to- jist at S(3riptui-e ? Deuce take you, I .shall write you down in tlio religious prosf?.*' ■ •" Sorra the haporth I care," scz I, " if yu don't writo mo down an ass as yc do iv yersolf, roar louder nor all Butcher Grant m swamp angels. The worst guns that this Province has to dread jist at prisint are the 'brass swivel . gun 'that somebody found planted in tho Jour7i(d - dirt heap the other day; and the deadly riHed • cannon that they call the 'Docthor,' thryi,ig toriiUi our constitution out iv its sacred shrine, bu^t thafe I apt to overshoot the mark I'm afeard. Troth, too, * there's tho Colchester smooth-bore; an' if' the •• Financhal Secretary only proves himself a bomb: mortar, wid that cast iron conscience iv his,an4... shells out on the wrong side ivRetriAchment asfafi^'V fts his masther requires, there'll, be a sad parkliv \ artillery agin poor Bluenose." At this I heard a short ooagli like the croak iv;., ' a hungry raven, that can't jist find the carcase he.,? looked fur, and up came the Docthor behind me., .•'.. "McCulle,- my honorable frind,"' sez^ he, 'i%. , wonder ye waste yer ' valuable impulses ' on thift - disgustin',. ill-bred. Irishman. Kape. that capital' 'i Bpache, me jewel, for Kentville. "..,•. . • •>. , "Faix, yer right, Dbcthor,;' rejined I.' ".ft u= *« -o..o„erwudhrrtsrh';:s:'""'- Yours intirelyi Barnev Roonkv. l^ '.f>' ■ • / > 62 \ I LKTT]i:R IX. KENNEDY AND WIDDY CASEY. RooNEy's EoosT, Suburbs of Halifax, 1 February 24, 18G5. j See here to me now Citizen Dear ; Its likely ye nivir hear' iv me grandmother's aunt that kem near get • ' wice mai-ried, only she changed her mind about union the first time, an' lucky for her she did, the dacent woman, or else she could nivir have been so liappy and wholesome all out as she was whin she married in airnest young Mickey the Thrasher. Och, be the pipers, 'twas himself was the handy boy at risin' the flail, whether on barn flure, or fair green ; at weddins and wakes, faix his flail was as sure to be seen as the fiddle, and it was a proud night for him intirely whin they named him Thrasher at the wake for flatienin' four Flanagans over the corpse that was in it, and them friends iv the corpse too, an' made a saucy chap . that was winkin' at Auntie Molly, face the music by brakin' the fiddle acrass his snout in a way that t made splinters iv both. Well, ye see, Molly Bawn, as he called her, was rayther fond iv Mickey the boy at heart, but a scapegrace called Kennedy, the son iv a squireen, that had more good look.s nor good morals, and V 1 63 I I.' * I'! 8! i; ■f I.. I! 1 .could spake Frinch betther nor ho could spako tho .truth, badcossto tho young rogue, had oast more .nor one sheep's eye upon Molly, and ilaLthored her into thinkin she loved him, an' all bekase his hands were so white wid handlin' nothin' but cards and .tumblers, instid iv bcin horny and rid like honest Mickey's wid the flail. But fur all he was such a dandy jintleman, an' Mickey only a poor bouchal wid a frieze coat, sure the owld lad, Molly's father, could nivir stand the slinkin' looks iv that Kennedy,^ and forbade the colleen to discoorse him, or he'd disinherit her iv the cow and bed, an' fifty pounds an' punchbowl an' a pair iv g'oold ear-rings he wud will her whin he should be reseaved up into glory. But muaha, what d'ye think, the^deludhcrin' villain coaxed Molly one night to consint to a run away match— on condition ,that she'd take the owld fellow's fifty pounds outiv the chest in undher his bed. Faix, thin, one foina dark night he helped her on the horse behind him ; an' away they rode, him lookin' on the fifty pounds as jist as good as licker already, and she rayther afeard iv the coorse she was goin'. At last sez she in a soft voice, "' Kennedy," sez she, " ye love me, don't, ye, by ^all the saints in the calender?'' " Perhaps so," sez the young ruffin, feelin' purty sure iv his prize, an' thinkin' the girl was too far committed to go back, whatever he said. But, signs an it, the scamp mistook the quickness iv woman's wi^s, and cspochially the ready resoiushuu of Miss Molly, lor all at once she slapped iier hands on her pocket, an' sez, " Holy Joseph," 54 ^ ■ scz she, " 1 lori^ot the money, Mr. Kennedy, lot's go back an' fetch it." Faith they both wint back ready enough, an' she sUppod in, glad to hear her owld daddy snorin' agin, an' lockin' the door, wint quietly to i;est. Afther waitin' fur twenty minutes, and hcarin' nothin', the young fellow called olit softly, " have ye found it out yet Molly ? ' ' Perhaps «o," sez she, openin' the windy, and pitchin a jug full iv dirty water in his face. Och, murthcr, it's ' him that was fit to curse the roof aff the house, but the noise iv ,the owld man gittin' up to see what was the matter, '\n' to try the charge in his blunderbuss, sent young Kennedy scamperin'down the dark road, that was light itself to the dark road down which he had tried to deluther young Molly ; an' in three weeks' time Molly danced at her own weddin' in Donovan's barn, where ^{ickey was found for the first time widout his darlint flail, sayin' it was too noisy a divaroion for a new married man. Now thin. Citizen dear, don't ye see what a beautiful application this charmin bit iv genealogy has to Confederashun? Sure we alj know ivery time Mr. McCuUy opens his mouth who " Kennedy'* is ; nothin' less nor Canada wid his Frinchified airs, an' spindthrift habits, an' bad bringin' up ! Sure, whin wc axed Canada over an' over agin to unite wid us— its cold, contemptuous answer was ''perhaps io ;" an' faix, thin I think whin it's anxious fur union in its turn, only fur the sake iv handlin' an' spindin' our moderate fortune, our answer ought to bo fur ten years at \^?,iQ—'' perhaps so .'" But besides all that, whin we axed our deceitful -i' ^' j-t ^ aellygates to allow „s to say at the x^lk :{ „« panted confc.leraslmn, U.ey n.ulgcl o.oh otl r Now tl,„, i,,ey a,„ ,„ovin' round wid a moaW- mcuhod .nanifctoiii favor iv Union, and axin iv.^ ^ one to declare, ibr it an save tl.im, an' ivry one tlr^t respects hi,, right, or his counthry should an^!:::^ their eager cntroatie. to sign wid their ow,i sneorin' language, perhaps so !" ' Sind thina to Ottawa eh ^ perhaps so." Set thim up as British American statesmen no less ? " Perhaps so." Euin oursilves an our chddre to make thim rich, indeed ! Stint our bit an our sup to give McCnlly an' TuDUPr more mate an' dbrii.k nor they honestly work foi' eh? "Perhaps so." Jist let thim come to tJ« counthry at once, if their courage isn't as small a^ . their con,shence, an' the people will open their eyes m a Jiffy, an make dhrinkin' dishonest de!ly<-atc3 rayther unfoshinable characters for a cei,t^°v o come; yo may take ycr oath on that me deari Arrah now, ye may belave it or no, but as I was wri in' this scrowl, I heerd a 'commotion down stair.' mthe k. chin, an gein' down to light my dudheen an see what was up down there. Missis Casev towld me as wel as she could for pantin' an' laughin' that a sneakin pirapin' cully iv Tupper's had been in axm her to jine the Union League by payin' two- dollars into the dellygates committee's hands an' s.gnin her name to a bit iv paper he had wid him that looked for all the world like a warrant to distrain on the poor widdy's good.s, onlv it wasn't 80 harmless as that fur it was raaly a 'warrant iv I \ . \ 66 "Musha, yev honor" sez the Widily slily "I ^.nno how to write at all at all,, but th;,.'^ Mr Eopney upsta.r, thafs grate wid the pen; shall I call Iiim to see yer honor ? " A „• she lifted the shovel to put more coal, in the stove belike.' ^_ What" sez he wid a scared look, " Kooney is it ?r • The saints be about us, no, my good woman; don't bring that rascally Irishman down here, and for yer •life don t mention about thisvisit to him, there's a. a good crater. But yc need niver bother about wr.tm darhnt, sure ver m.ark'.s enough- wid the two dollars, ye know ! " a suddent w,d .. scoreiv the hotshovel on his sconce that made hm, screech in turn and think more iv "tiekin plaster nor his treacherous paper. "Take that ye son iv a .scarecrow an' larn manners afore ye spake agin about Mr. Rooney or any other gmtleman that's more nor mate for ycr masther' '• _ My bhssm on the Widdy, surely, it's herself has wuhoutjad, the first tin.e luck sends an odd pound Yours incorruptibly, * • Barney Roonevt. N