SAtLE GAGN( ^ Jk>*f •^H^^ . t^****** **/'*'***'*''*''*'* '''** ' V''*V'*' **'"~'*'*VV // ^'V '**' '*''*^ :<3«*ah; HOW NOT TO DO IT." A SHORT SERMON OX THK CANADIAN MILITIA, BY A "BLUENOSE." \\-; Authority. f X ■ , ^. >I.^l"V','T.v'i .T^i \\ i. ':'(', "^ tit r i T?His Lxcr;!i;r.ytheEarlofDi:fr"'rin, ^ <({•. !.iav.- AT TIIK "MORMNU CHHONK LK '" OFFIOK. w c^m 1S81. \ t i i I .J5*9®.7^ 'rri'^V.^^l''.V''i'-;'l;/'J^'!?'!>;l\>i^'.!«;ii'l>/'»'!i-/^'V'^ ■f'i- . -^-- f ( • 1 > t • y /" f,- ^ I. ) 1 ' ■ -4 {/ ■X ..«\ r* ', I ^. ' 'A :. i ■■ 1 1 ' v^ w,^ ^ i^. A ' ■l- t ,' r^' ikK ,.t ..-'>■ j . "HOW NOT TO DO IT." A SHORT SERMON ON THE CANADIAN MILITIA /v BY A "BLUENOSE." •\ s "> ♦-..,». »«.. \ qt:ebec : PRINTED AT THE "l)i vi\0 CHRONICLE" OFFICB 18S1. PREFACE. •'I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth, "Nor action, nor utterance, nor the power of speech "To Btir men's blood. I only speak rifht on." Shakespkahe. TEXT. "Thou my country, hast thy foolish way, " Too apt to purr at any stranger's praise." O. W, Holmes. These lines were, I think, -written for the benefit of our friends over the border, and while we laugh at the pro- verbial Yankee blowing, or, as it appears in these lines, purring, we fail to see our own faults in this respect, and like many a rising young cat, relish with the greatest glee, the pleasant stroking of every stranger that comes along, and as strongly detest the impertinent hand that rubs the ■wrong way. The miUtia, of course, is one of our great purring points, for, when it is mentioned, we say, as plainly as possibly can be said, in that expressive feline manner, " There is where you get it." But now, after thinking it well ever, " do we really get it ?" Seriously and impartially ruminating on that subject, " do we really get it ?" At this point some enthusiastic Colonel will bluster out, " of course we do ; why we drill yearly so many thousand men, and we could drill so many thousand more men, and we have so many more hundreds of thousands behind these again, and we have a 7" gun at Quebec, and a 64 Pr. converted at St John, N. B., and we have another one at Kingston we are going to convert, and we — we — we — and Britannia rules the waves, and what more do we want." Well, now, I am not jBb Colonel (and that is something), but I don't think that we do get it, We get a General, and Tve got him to write a lot of recommendations, and get thorn printed, and we get some people to read them, and then we get rid ol' him, and that's whore " he ;ivts it." If \vt' do adopt any of the snygostions of our Generals, I hope most sinooroly we will give the right man credit for it, and, for ihis reason, let us hope that all the advice is preserved, that no mistake may occur in this respect. Our General will never sing as it is written in iht,' Pirates of Penzance, " It is, it is a glorious thing to be a Major-General." Our last Major-General wrote a great deal, shewing our faults and suggesting things, tSrc. iV:e.. iVcc, but iinding it no go, he set to work stroking us, aiul the playful young Camidiau wild cat began to purr, and we worked ourselves into a fearful pitch of sanguinary enthusiasm, and the con- sequence was that, after every march past, great batches of <»ur able-bodied olFicers were rushing to Head-Quarters and oderiiiir themselves ricrht and if' to serve against Rivssia, Afu'anistan, Cetewoyo, or ••any other man." In fact we. wanted blood. However we got over all this, and now our new Commander-in-Chief has vaistaken our tail for our head, and the consequence is he has been ruflling our hair, and we don't like it. Our coat has been made soft and slick for the winter — and so, when we feel sotnebody inquiringly feeling to set^ how the undergrowth is and discover some mangy spots, why it is not nice. But 'tis sadly required, and some nice ointment rubbed in will be of great service ; though it smarts at lirst, it will make our protection much better for the future. AVhen I use the word " ])rotection," I do not refer to the X. P., which would, however, be a good thing, for a hian in guns would grcuuly improve their pre- sent reports. Of course, this want of hum in Ordnance, applies to the Artillery, of which I shall principally speak ; for though not a great gun, I hope some day to be a great gunner, and I d.iro say if nnyhody ever roads thoso Vinos, I will be voted a smooth bore, and coiisoquonlly (Oiul'mnod, but "by Georf?*',"* [ will bo the first on«' of those useless articles over treated .so, unlortunately for this Ca-iada of ours, as any one can testify who has ever inspected the ruined battlements throughout the land. Well, ]iow, let us ^o into some of the defects, not all of them, for that would be a fearful undertaking^. So take for instance a Field Batt-'ry of Artillery : they are certainly well armed, n(n\rly all the batteries having the now pr , but, there it end.-^, everything else is cut down to the lowest ebb, an order comes that only so many men are to turn out, only so many officers, and only so many horses : so the conse(iuence is that the corps goes through its drills as un- like what it really should be in time of war, as anything pos- sibly can. And what is the consequence of this paring down to the vert/ core mean :" Wliy it simply makes the drill a mere farce compared to what it ought to be, and gives officers and men a very poor idea of whut should be, and thus does away with thi' use of iu.struction. For the last few years, batteries have been drilling with the maximum of horses allowed. I had the. extreme happiness of seeing one at work, and I iirnily believe if it had oyer gone he fore an enemy, it v/ould never have come back again. The move- ments wore perform^^d in a soft field, and so the horses could just manage to pull the guns along at a slow v^alk. and, owing to this fortunate circumstance, the StafF-Sergeants had no trouble in keeping up on /not, ant whimper out with the best grace possible : " don't fire. Uncle Sam, we'll come down." There is no comitry in this wide world that requires her strongholds kept in such perfect readiness, and her sentries vigilant as Canada. For not only must she be prepared for the bold and open hostilities of her foes, but must bo n ever ready to resist to the last, ths slow, sure and over- whelming attacks of local CorporatiDns, and we may safely say that the foot and horse of a foreign invader is nothing to the Mai/or of a Corporation. 'Tis useless here to point out how the grasping municipal powers are, piece by piece, lot by lot, SMniring everything. No weight of metal or depth of ditch can stop a foe like this, for, as the plague itself, they are everywhere. It is hi^artr-^nding to see the use made of some of the old time-honored l)uiklin::s ; nothing is too low or degradini? for thein, and who can deiiy that th*^ only time these hoary walls ever see cement and plaster, is when some political party requires employment for so many votes. And, what is worse, this political pointing is; never worth a d . for I have seen it drop oif three months after it was put on. It has not yet beer; decided which political party possesses the best and most h sting cement, but it is certain that the recent work of the kind will not, like the former, fall off, for the reason of too much ,g/v7 in the composition. Well may we say that e\'(M-ythijiir smacks of politics in this much-governed country, and we can im;igine some game old block of granite in the fortilications splutter out to his neighbour, through the fresh mortar thrown uncere- moniously in liis face : '• l>race up, limestone, here's another election." Let us now talk about the l)one and muscle, and leave the walls and ordnance a little while to themselves, which they no doubt are pretty well used to by this time. It must be noticed that the Canadian Militia never wants for officers, no matter how scarce the men, every- where are to be found othcers. The reason, of course, is that it is so easy " to a-t'rt there." Almost any young or old man can obtain a uniform, put it ou, and he thinks he is 12 " all there." "Well, like the Yankee's horse at the foot of the hill, he is " all there," and, in many cases, after a time, retires retaining? his rank, which generally comes in handy after- wards, when his business may require a handle to his name. IJut, seriously, this subject of officers is a most important one, for on them, and on them only, depends the efficiency of a Militia force. Officers in the Ilegular Army have their Non-Commis- sioned Officers under them thorousfhly trained, who know all the little de'ails to perfection, and in all minor points it is simply " i^o on Sergoant-Major," and all goes well. But with untrained men an officer turns out with his battery for drill and is supposed to tike all the parts from Commanding Officer to trumpeter, his Non-Commissioned Officers all look to him, for where is that old veteran with everything at his finger ends, the Sergeant-Major of the regular service. Therefore, our officers must be of the best material in the land, of higher social position, and superior intellect from the rank and file, and they must command respect and confidence ; for if a militia officer has so much more on his shoulders than a regular one, he should have a good pair to bear the burden, and a clear head to back them up. This, unfortunately, Is not always the case with us, but the most glaring and ruining fault is in many instances practiced, that of appointing inferior men to these posts. In some cases, officers are elected by the men, and like the American syslem of electing judges, it " won't do," and the result is the same. Most injur. his to the service, lor ten chances to one, the men will put in one of their cronies rather than vote for a person who is likely to be a little severe with thera. 13 The idea is foolish and wrong-, and anybody who knows anythin;^ about it will easily iraaiiiuo how impossible it would be to preserve any discipline whatever. I was once waikint? with an officer, whoso battery wiis then goin^ throug'h its annu;>l drill, and on the way we met one of his gay young gunners, driving along in a country cart in unilbrm, bur alas! with a big straw hat on and holding aloft a woman's parasol ; it was a hot day, and as we passed, this volatile young soldier called out to my companion, '• I say. Captain, you'll 'j;ot fn^ckled if you wear that pancake on your head a day like tliis." }>[y friend, the Cnprain, laughed und thought it a n'ood joke, although this occurred in the street. I asked him why he did not punish the man in some way, for he had given orders that none other than the forage caps should be worn ; well, he said, "how can I, he is a sort of cousin of mine, lives a little way below me, and if I put on am/ fii/ls the boys don't like it, and some of them would l>urn my barns if I tried too much ollicering." Now, here is the folly of having a man of the same sociul rank and station as the men under him. for the young- country youth cannot see why his next door neighbour should order him about as he likes, for the short space of eight days, simply because he wears an olhcer's uniform. A private soldier must look up to his oincers and think them superior to himself in oveiy way. biu this can never be accomplished when Tom Jones, Captain, and John Smith, Private, work in the same shop together uay after day. Look around among our Batteries and Battalions, seek for the most elficient, and then look at the oihcers, it will be seen that the best corps have good men to command them, and the bad ones the reverse. 14 Therefore, to improve our force, trim the candle properly and improve the officers — put commissions out of the reach of overy man, msiko it a thini^ hard to ^et and worth g'ottinp;', and then it will rise in value, and consequently better men will aspire to it. Like every thing- else, put it within the reach of all, and it g-ets common at once. Place a price oil it, and only thoso worthy of the honor will aspire to it. One way of putting; value on the commissions is to re- quire attendance at the schools of instruction (this can only be done with the Artillery, unforlunately) and at these schools of Gunnery make every officer pass his ex- amination, and tho.se who fail to pass, or to attend for the purpose, should be removed for those who can, no matter how old or high the rank may be; il he is a Major or a Colonel so much the more reason he should qualify or leave. As it is, many of these odicers under cover of their old age and long; service, remain in command, and would shoot any cne barefaced enoua:h to ask them what their qualifications were. There are Artillery corps in the country who have most excellent, upright, and exemplary men as commanding- onicev.s, but, " O, what fearful Artillerymen ! " How frequently one hears it said of some Battery or Regiment, -' (), it will never be worth a rap as long as old Colonel or Major Geegee has command." Every one knows he is ignorant of his duties, but no effort is made for the better, and he is quiet ■ left to die off, which he never will do. How many Artillery and Infantry officers are there in Canada now steadily climbing up the ladder of rank, with 16 tracing lace intertwining itself gradually around their per- sons, like ivy around the ruined wall, who know little or nothing about their work. I once hoard an olficer remark that •' he was tired of this Artillery, and thoug'ht of going into the Inlimtry," cora- plr.ining that he saw nothing in this branch of the service but "run up" and "run back." Like some of our smooth bores, this ardent son of Mars should go to Gener:d Pulliser, and be converted, or at least have his muzzle stopped in some way. It is all very well during an annual drill, and, I dare say, very amusinff to observe the idiotic niistokes made by poor old Captain Falsetto, as he twists himself and his battery or company into all sorts of outlandish shapes and forms. But on the field of battle, when, pm-haps the fate of the country depends on his actions, it becomes anything but a laughable matter. We have our S hools of Gunnery, where Artillery is taught in all its branches, and there should not be an offi- cer or non-commissioned officer in the force who has not attended them. If this plan was adopted, a great change for the better would be sure to be the result. In many cases we also see through the country, as Ser- geant-Majors and Sergeants, old fossils who have been in the batteries for years, who know how to hook drag-ropes, and call the roll, and that is about all. It is hard to turn out a man like this after all his service, but it must be done for the country's good. It should be in this case the re- verse of the old song, and read "Uncle make room for your Tommy," the said Tommy being a hue strapping fellow with lots of dash about him and a fresh certificate from the School of Gunnery. 16 At those institutions, a man is not only tanq-ht his Gunn drill but he l^anis what is of rrioro iinportaiico, "how to !)e a soidi'-r" ; he thore. S'es the use and elleet ol' the mii^hty arm of ^ prolieient at mere drill, but are fir :i\v;iy from the greatest lessons a soldier has to learn. And also because it is op 'U to any boJy who may like to enter, and the con- sequence is many go simply for th.; $jO, who are of no use to the Militia afterwards, whereas, if they had to turn into Barracks and go through some of tlnj less pleasant duties, they would think twice about it. Many, I know, will bear me out in the fact, that some time aero, and I think yet, old men and perfectly useless individuals joined simply for the reasons mentioned above. To return to our Artillery, it is utterly impossible to ex- p^>ct any state of proficiency from the batteries unless we have oflicers who understand their work, for on them de- pends so much. If they wont take the trouble to learn, iho men never will, and so it goes on a miserable farce, and a Military Burlesque, made doubly so in the case of Artillery. Oflicers should be made to qualify before their appointment and not aflerwards. When w^e had no schools this provision- IT al business was nocpssary, hut now it s no lonsfcr the cases ; when a youiiu; man g-oes Military mad and wants a com- mission p('i)it him to thestartiiii:- point, .i ''C\'nilicate" ; hi^re he will have time to cool oil and learn what his work will be and, if he has it in him, he will come out a a:ood Olficer, and if not, he will give it up. It is tlie worst thim^ in the world to let him ru.sh into anew uniform all iit once and do nothinij:. And then, if he turns out a noodle. th»}re i.s no getting ridof hiui and perhap.s he sticks on to become, in future years, one of these old -'dulier.s" ^ve have iust mentioned some time a^'O. If this systeu vas adopted of cot)Iing them oil" as cadets lirst, we would not see in every General Order long lists of OlhciM's returnijig and otht>rs going in, to give it up again in turn after the gloss wear.s off. \V(^ musft have instructions if we want Artillery (Xficers. Of coiirse without it we can hav.3 officers in unlimited numbers ; but what a helpless, useless creature is an in- competent commanding olheer in charge of a battery of four guns, with raw otiicers, raw non-commissioned officers, and men and horses ditto. A tinker, a tailor, why even a scissor-grinder requires to study and go through a good deal of 'j^rindhn:!; to perfect himself in his work, before he can ply his trade properly : if such callings as these require instruction, can it be imagined for a moment that by simply putting on a uniform the noblest profession on the eartli is to be mastered. Esta])lishing schools of gunnery anl then not forcing officers to qualify, but allowing them to hold positions they cannot fill with justice to tL _> cou)itry, seems but half fulfilling the intention of improving our force and stops short where the i>-rcat good commtnices. In a few hundred years hence we mny imagine how a Canadian Lieutenant-Colonel or Staff Oilicer will be des- 3 18 cribed in some of the school books, or scifntific records of our time ; they uill give a long- account ol' his habits, dress, &c., and will probablj^ wind up by stating' his most pro- minent peculiarity, his great age, which like the elephant's, a ibur legged beast of that period, was a!>«tonishing. Now, if ag-e is required in the service of any country, it is only for the sake of the experience it has had and the model it affords to the juniors. Now, are any of the "old folks at Honu'"" or our aned Colonels bursting- over with militarv experience useful in lighting- time ? 1 am sorry to say no ! DeSalaberry is dead and the last munificent pension to the veterans of 1812 proved too much for these doughty old warriors, and so we are left ahme. If those we have had any real experience to impart to us youngsters, why then keep them ))y all means. But, if in any future scrimmnge we are to go into it as novices and schoolboys, let us by all means leave the old gentlemen at home, for the young will learn quicker than they. For 'tis certain that any warlike operations on this continent will not be child's play, so therefore the strongest and hardest muscle and th(^ Nearest heads are required. If this principle be not observed, we had better send to the Royal Military College the old boys, instead of the young ones. I once had the honor of serving with a force proceeding on an expedition to a distant part of Canada some years ago. The officers in command were the finest old gentle- men one would wish to see, all at the head of their profession, that is, they were time-worn Lt. -Colonels, and, as Dundreary says : '" Everything was made nice and com- fortable in that way."' They were possessed of the most pleasing manners, enjoyed good cigars and hot toddy, but, after that, I fear they had little more in a military way to recommend them. But what abilities the old gentlemen 19 did havo in this rospoct was taken i\p, to the exclusion of all othor.^, in devisiiii,'' ways and means to ropel tlio nover- ceasinj^ attacks of the native mosqiiitos. I shall never for^-et our leader or " driver," (for ho was always b^^hind) ; h*; had a head as bald as an e^^, but covered by a well kt>pt vvi'^^ wlnni, to th*^ utter dismay of the whole expedition, a small party of Indian do:|s at '• Fort t:5ome- where" one ni^flit uiadti a reconnaissance in force, and quietly picked the j^orLjeoi-"-^ coveriu'^ from off the pate of the venerable owner. This reverse at so early a sta^e of onr march, was never repaired, for our i^allant old Commander, bein;^ thus depri- ved oi calmer, was forced to protect hims'lf in the open with an old canvas nosebag', which he wore for the rest of the journey, surmounted by a silverdaced stuff cap; for the old chap was most particular with regard to dress. Some months after, 1 happened to re-visit the scene of this disaster to our arms (or heads, I should say) and was surprised and shocked to see a young braggart of an Indian exhibiting to some open-mouthed emigrants, a ghastly scali) lock ; on drawing near, imagine my horror and dismay at recognizing (by the name of the maker in the corner) a portion of a re<:^ul(i(if)n s/nff //-/g. I whispered in the ears of the noble young savage " too thin,"' which he did not of course, understand, but, went on relating, in the minutest manner, how he " tore the reeking trophy from the quivering victim." I did not expose th_^ warlik'^ chieftain, but grimly thought what happiness and bloody triumph was '1 store for thi Crow and Blackfeet, in the shape of such trophit's. if many of my dear old friend's stamp were sent against them. There would, however, be one advantage about my revered old Colonel, if ever they tried scalping in earnest. The Crow would find hard picking' 20 there, iind if he indiilo-od in hiiir-oil, 'tis a question whether the ffamr would ho worth the rnmllc. But no ou<' eni say that the old in(Mi arti hvss enthusiastic f'trict Stall" OUice for ordtTs, hut found no stall' there, the Peputy Adjutant-General and Hrii^ade Major were, I was told, out of town, niakinu' some avranu'ements on the review y-round for tin; marchinu;' past, sham liuht, &c., I went thither, and was surprised to see the two old soldiers down ill a lii>lt.' din'i^iii^- away like sapi)ers and miners with a pick and shovel. I was thunderstruck, for I saw at ouee that it was " infra ciiii:,'' I thought of Capt. Kidd at first, then I thouuht of the sham fi'^ht ; perhaps some skirmisher had fallen there, and was beini^ interred with militan/ honora, so .salntinu", I rt'marked in the lines of somebody : — Fi>r will nil (ligLrc':;t tlmu tliut gnivo, 1 sai'l 'i"o thu I). A. <1. ffOlli town. The answer was : — I ;iiii not ilig^'iug a grave, he said !)Ut putting' :i flag-statr down. And true enough, as the Government of Canada would refuse to pay for it, these two old heroes were getting- up a temporary erection on the api)roach to a grand stand, on which was to ily the Royal Standard in honor of the Princess. So he'.'e, at least, was enthusiasm, and digging w^hich the best Sapper might envy. Another fruitful cause of ruin to our Militia, is the great want of proper encouragement given by the Government to many energetic officers, and the trials and uphill work of many of these gentlemen, are unfortunately knowni only to themselves, and every request for any necessary is met with the word, no ! ; so the whole force suffers consequently. 21 How often we see the case ol' u fine battery beinc raised, a lot of drill and inspection, and no tMid of interest displayed, \vhi{'.li •rradually dies away. OllicervS jjei tired of it. lueu nejjdect their work, so it dwindles away to nothing-. This, of course, is hard to pvovent, for naturally men weary of the ni^-htly drills, outsiders u-ct tired ot watching them, and so the spirit of tlie thing- dies out. A n^reat deal could, liowever, be done to prevent all this, simply by encouraging- the force in many small ways which are now sadly neglected, cau.>ing all sorts of "make shifts" injurious to the service, and hard on the oiiicers' poekets. In Sir Garnet Wolseley's hand book, is a hint that applies to us. and is the secret of all line armies. lie says : " Make a man proud of himself and his corps and he can always be depended upon." This should be our great aim and object, we pay them nothing- except in their eight days" drill ; therefore, their pay for the remainder of the year should be encnurnsemenf ; it is very easily bestowed and all can allbrd to give it. Pride should be the thing to keep up the Militia, not the pay ; the man who serves for that should never be en- listed, because the paltry sum he makes in his eight days, is not sufficient to get anything with, except drink. The mow we Vv'ant are those who serve for the pure love of the thing. In raising corps, only good men should be enlisted, and the flagrant mistake of taking anyone to fill up the ranks, be forever done away with. 1 have heard of an officer who put his spare tunics on the backs of the men of a tra- velling Circus, for the sake of an inspection. Several cases 22 of loafers haying gone the rounds and drilled in different regiments in succession, drawing, of course, pay in each, are on record. Men of that stamp will spoil any corps. Take a man, for instance, who is really proud of his regiment and him- self, say he always takes a pride in being neat and soldier- like in all his habits, brags about his battery or company being the best, and so on. Now, how quickly you drive this good man out if you enlist a few loafers and bad char- acters ; just a few will drive a whole batch of good men away in disgust, for in the person of a drunken, slovenly, untidy comrade is their corps disgraced. You can't expect them to go into camp, roll up in the same blanket with and make chums of those they despise, and would not notice in every day life. But still it is done every year, so many thinking that full ranks on inspection day will make up for everything. This brings us to the subject of dress, which has so much to do with the shady side of the story. The late issue of clothing has been abused by everybody from General Smyth downward; he has stated in his report that the material is bad, the lit fearful, and the gen- eral appearance shocking. If our rulers had set systematically about wiping the militia of the face of the earth, no more effectual mode could be adopted than serving them out with badly fitting and a poor quality of clothing. No truly good soldier will attend his drills in garments, that make him the laughing stock of all the little urchins, and cause him to take the back streets on his way to the drill sheds. For bad fit, bad cloth, bad cut, and bad sewing, I will back the Ca- nadian Military clothing against anything in the world. It is a beautiful sight to see a man in one of the serges which happen to be made of different kinds of cloth ; one never sees it till after the sun gets at it for a time, and then one-half of the back retair a its color, Avliile the other takes a light blue tinge, one arm goos off into a fit of blues of another type, while the other becomes a light green, there- fore "never say dye' is the motto of our men. And the men •who do dye for the country should make it a moro perma- nent operation. Put a battery of Her Majesty's lloyal Horse Artillery into Canadian blouses and imagine the etfect. The words of Sir Grarnet "Wolseley on this subject should be written in letters of gold, they are these : "The better you dress a soldier, the more highly ho will be thought of by women, and consequently by himself."' I hardly think this could have been the idea of the in- venters of the latest Artillery and Infantry clothing for the Dominion of Canada ; they say "the tailor makes the man," but he did not in this case, I hope. If a young Canadian soldier wished to make himself look particularly w^ell in the eyes of his sweetheart Mary, he would never, "hardly ever", appear before her in a suit of his newly issued serge. Only those who have seen this marvellous dress, studied its peculiar cut, and followed w'ith an artistic eye the slopes and curves it gives the human form, can appreciate the good sense of the bashful recruit who puts in a pass to wear plain clothes on his mission of love. For certainly the comely Canadian lass would turn up her pretty nose at those never to be obliterated wrinkles in the tunic and the sag of those tremendous pants. 24 These same bags are particularly iinsuited for the Lien at annual drills, lor during that period the recruits and awkward men are rendered doubly stupid by the un- fortunate shape of these articles, cut so alike before and behind, that it is impossible for them to tell whether they are marching to the front or rear, hence causing much confusion in the simplest movemeiUs. In Punch an irate Colonel is portrayed, ordering a slovenly young man to "slap his leg and look at the girls in the windows." If one of our fellows tried this it would be so like beating carpets at house cleaning time, that he would be forced to give it up and the girls too. We should be clothed well, with good material and good fit, and the extra expense will be fully repaid by the pride and interest taken in the service and the trousers. Most people think that anything wall do to put on our Militia, provided it costs nothing and is made roomy. Com- plaints are made that the men won't look after their own clothes ; w^ell they could never bo expected to look after this missing link kind of tailoring that is put in their keeping now. By dressing them decently, the men will be encouraged to look w^ell, and when once they ^ei proud of their corps and proud of themselves, the great object will be attained. And, above all, if we wish to improve the state of the Canadian Militia, w^e must banish forever the in- fluence of politics, w^hich is at present a drag-shoe impeding the w^orking of the whole machine. In this very case of clothing, I once knew of a quantity being made, examined by a ])oard, and rejected as being unfit for use and not according to contract, but the man who made them goes to his local member, wdio goes to somebody else, and as it is only for the Militia, " why let it go, better do that than lose Mr. so and so's vote," so the 26 clothinpf was taken and sDine of our gallant volunteers arc probably wearing it now. I once saw an armory contain- ing about 40 stand of arms, lamaged to a great extent by rust and breakage, ball bags, pouches, &:c., spoiled or lost, all through the neglect of the Captain of the Company, it was a disgraceful sight. The arms were repaired at a cost of §300.00, which it was intended he should p.iy, but, like the political tailor, he got the proseedings stopped against him and was reinstated in the Militia throuorh that influ- ential gentleman, the member of the county. Some people may read this with surprise, but those who know the ropes, will say it is but a very mild case ; but, no matter what they call it, it is disgraceful for any country and poisons the service, and disgusts every man who has any soldierlike feeling about him. If some great genius would only ari.'je in this bleeding country, take charge of afFuirs, and say : " Let your politics have full fling in everything else, but the militia must be free from it in every particular." When we import our Major-General, let him have the management of his work. At present our grey-haired Commander-in-Chiei is likely at any moment to have his orders and advice put aside for the command of some political bantam inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbodtij and egotistical imagination. (Original.) Another fruitful source of disgust and discouragement to us is the constant inclination to appoint Imperial Oilicers to fat appointments, for the halo of glory around the head of an imported Englishman can never shine over ours. If «// that have Jiot well-ffathered nests in the wilds of Canada, were men whose experience warranted their ap- pointment over our heads, why all right. Some have, but others have not ; therefore, let us '• change rounds " and tell oflf again in this respect, and have no more of it, now that 4 26 the Royal Military College and other means are open to us wooden headed people to acquire knowledge in the art of war. For, on the principle of the flagstaff on the King's Bas- tion, Quebec, which was carefully made at home and trans- ported across the Atlantic, it has been found that we can grow them here at much less expense, and even mould them into the required shape, to bear the Union Jack as bravely as the seasoned stem from old England. No, our cry to the old land is, " send us not quite so many men and a few more guns, rifles and ammunition in any quantity you please, and trust us, that we will find out how to use them, and in the hands of Canadians ; the iron shell will fly with the same unerring speed that the wooden one has so often done under the management of the .s/i'tt// of our tight little countryman, Edward Hanlan." So like the historical burglar, I hope some Imperial brother in arms will acknov^edge that there is "something in that" and own at least there is some merit in a. flat skull. One great reason that people imagine at home we are in such an utterly helpless state, with regard to leaders, is the loose and careless way our vast and unlimited supply of Colonels and Majors and Captains are allowed to wander unhindered and unchecked ov* the face of the earth, where they naturally do not ira 'ss the multitudes they meet with the feeling that we are in the hands of com- petent men, and also the surmise must arise in the mind of any foreigner, while viewing some of our migratory Colonels, •'what the d must the subalterns be like ?" Like everything else cheap and nasty, it wont go down ; we know, everybody else knows, w^hat a fine old mill this is for turning out this particular type of military man, and yet the wheels go round and every day more are being 27 made, and unless they turn to and devour each other we will be overrun. We have made it too common and cheap, and consequently its tone is gone. If Ostrich feathers and seal skins come within the reach of every housemaid, the desire to appear in these gorgeous raiments will be much diminished in those who would best become them. The Lord knows there are enough of these bad coppers who coin themselves. For no profession in the world is so open to piratical attacks as that of the military ; the doctors suffer too, but generally there is some legal way of getting at the coun- terfeiters. But, with us, any body, from the latest born pigmy up to the biggest manager of a street railway com- pany, all put on the handle, and now it is indispensable that the word "Kernel" should be hitched on in the case of railway managers, lawyers, &c., &c., and it is safe to state that "every two fellows out of three'" are Colonels, and the third fellow, well the third fellow must be a Major or Captain. Therefore, as it is obvious, we have no control over this unofficial honor, our only hope is to stop it where we can, and when they are turned out, let them be well tried and tested, similar to other newly made articles, and, like the faulty coin, let those .nat are found light, be warmed up again or rejected. We should certainly be thankful, the word G-eneral is still untarnished, but if ever a case shews itself, instant quarantine and "Boycotting" should be quickly resorted to. Across the border, the disease is raging with terrific force, and, strange to say, those who have come among us afflict- ed with this fearful scourge have not imparted it to any of our people. 28 It is a great pity we have all these defects and blemishes, and, for the sake of our reputation, they must be wiped out. A little pushing here, pullini,^ there, and snubbing some- where else will make it all right. We have the head, bone and muscle in the country for anything, and it only wants proper managing. The Dominion itself is large, but the population of course is small in proportion, and so is our militia. But as Tom Thumb said when kicked behind by a big boy, " look out, I'm a little man, but by ." Though small in ourselves, we are part of the British Empire, and always will be, although the Yankees say, either politically or by force, we must go over to them. But fortunately when the American rebels drove the U. E. Loyalists into the then frozen fields of Canada, they allow- ed them to carry an undying antipathy for the American Eagle, which their sons to this day have not forgotten. A descendant of a U. E. L. family in New Brunswick has now an oil painting of one of his ancestors. But the old gentleman's face is marred by having a three-cornered bay- onet hole through the cheek inflicted by a rebel in 1775, who thus showed his bravery, and hatred of the venerable Britisher by driving his weapon through the canvas. This was about the oidy thing the gallant loyalist carried to his new home, and there it hangs now with the gaping w^ound just as it was made. A mere prod of a rebel bayonet, and it was done. But all the darning, stitching and gum- ming in the world will never give the old man the cheek he once had; and that all patching of the old rents of the revolutionary bayonet may be as fruitless, is the prayer of the U. E. Loyalists of Canada. We have not all got pictures of our forefathers so indelibly stamped with honorable wounds upon the cheek. But in one other family a " forget me not " was preserved, in the shape of a certain garment for the extremities, which had a bayonet hole too in the vicinity of the cheek ; but the fact of the trousers not being a Sunday 29 pair, and the hole so unfortunately situated, it was never looked upon with any great pride by the descendants, who always thought with regret, if Great Great Grand Pa had only retired with his face to the foe. But since then, an in- ventive young member of the family pulled the o\di pants out of the garret, cut out the wound and neatly patched it into a most respectable waistcoat just over the heart. This may look well and sound well, and all that, but it hardly tallys with the fact of the old loyalist having sired a large family after his sad end. Let every U. E. Loyalist descendant, at least, strive by every means in his power, to make us ready and prepared to resist any attempt to drive us out, now that we have made Canada what it is, for remember that we can go no further north. As a segment of the British Empire, we are, of course, part of the British Lion, and though the part we represent may be situated near the tail, it is just that particularly sensitive portion of the noble beast on which intruders are cautioned not to tread. " We don't want to fight, but, by jingo ! if we do," we ought to have our little army as perfect as possible, to make up for its deficiency in numbers.