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CIHM/ICMH 
 
 Microfiche 
 
 Series. 
 
 CIHM/ICMH 
 Collection de 
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 Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions 
 
 Institut Canadian de microreproductions historiques 
 
 1980 
 
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'in^i>[i^, \^M. ih&^^^-yi^W 
 
 #r ilje Mw( 5^timps. 
 
 BY 
 
 F. A. D. 
 
 .■^1 
 
 OTTAWA. 
 
 A K. WOODBUUN, ELGIN STREET, 
 
 1877. 
 
 J .. 
 
TO THE 
 
 OniLDREN OF TUEIU K X C E L L E K C l E S ; 
 
 THE EARL A¥D COUNTESS OF DUFFERIN, 
 
 TllK 
 
 ms |lft!f putis 0f fjtoars. 
 
 FOB 
 
 <^ 
 
 Whwe fflhvistmw J„« H,e,« f i„j,s ,,,„ ,,^„^,,^ 
 
 THIS LITTLE VOLUME, 
 
 mm this as sole excmefor Us nonsense. 
 
 IS 
 
 Affectionately Dedicated. 
 
ririNE, THE FISHER-MAID. 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSOX.E. 
 
 JL'PITKR. 
 Jl'NO. 
 Ml.[i( I'RV. 
 
 rillN( H ENmiAT.n. 
 
 Fkiinando. 
 
 Sill IiiAsnni.E Raps. 
 
 SiH Poi'iNJAV Pops. 
 
 FiFIXK. 
 
 QUEKM RF.SSIXA. 
 Qt KKN FaIKNCE. 
 
 PniNfKs> Zor Zov. 
 
 Pagk. 
 
 King ok tiik Siiuimpk. 
 
 coralina. 
 
 Pearl. 
 
 Anemone. 
 
 SCENERY. 
 
 Si i:s'E 1st. — Fillne's Cottage. Scene 2nd. — Palace of Jiqiitcr 
 
 ClouiUand. 
 
 Scene 3rd.— Fillne's Cottage. 
 Sf'ENE 4tii.— Sea Beach on the Enchanted Isle. 
 
 Scene 5th.— The Grotto and 
 Thk Coral Groves 
 
 OF the 
 Enchanted Isle. 
 
 Costnnies of the most gorgeons, the most bnrlesqiie. 
 Period, no matter. 
 
CAST OF CHARACTERS. 
 
 NKWVEAR'eOAV, 1878. 
 
 Ju])itcr .... 
 
 Jnun. . . ^"'-""^^"""K-G. P. Littleton. 
 
 Mercury . . ''''^'^'"" '*• '^''•'■''. ^^■^■0. 
 
 Prince E.McrHl.l " " ' ' ^''^'^''" J^" ""^"'ilton, A.D.C. 
 
 Fernando . . " " ' ' ^^""- ^^'rencc Blackwood. 
 
 «irIrasci,.K.Ha„.s .'. JJ- ^dwan. Littleton. 
 
 «'>PoinnJavro,.s . . ^'•- ^'g.-n-.n Littleton. 
 
 Filino ■ - - . Hon. Basil Blackwood. 
 
 Queen Bcs«i„a'-". Mi.s Littleton. 
 
 Queen Faience - '''''"'"^ f iandeboye. 
 
 Pnnee.ssZouZou. ^ady Helen Blackwood. 
 
 Page " " " ^''''y "^■'■""■""e Blackwood. 
 
 King of the Sl.rinii.s / " ' ' " "<'"• Pmle.ick Blackwood 
 Coralina ... 
 
 Pearl ... ^'^^^^^ ^'^t'n'ia Blackwood. 
 
 Anemone . ". ". ^^'«« Muriel Stephenson. 
 
 M'S' Susan Littleton. 
 
^'Sfine, the Hisher-maid: 
 
 OR THE Magic Shrimps. 
 
 Littleton. 
 
 1 
 
 Jm 
 
 .D.C. 
 
 1(1. 
 
 SCENE I. 
 
 FiKixi/s Cottagp: : Log jire on hearth, huniiiKj, set corner 
 loinc li. U. E. Door Ly small table C : old-fashioned, 
 pendiihan, Dutch clock C, at back; shelf J', \i'ith jiuj 
 and loaf of bread, Fifixk discovered sitting on low 
 stool by fire, mendimj nets : she is shabbily dressed as a 
 poor fisher girl. Storm heard outside. Lights low. 
 
 FiFIXE. 
 
 Y am so 8le('})y ! (gtdcns) why, it's nearly one! 
 
 ^ I must sit up until this not is done. 
 
 It's hard to be so i)Oor. Poor little 1 1 
 
 I often want to have a real good cry ; 
 
 lint that's no good. That wont mend nets I fear. 
 
 Filine, my girl, cheer up! a good time's near. 
 
 (jjnts elbows on knees, and looks dreamily info the Jire.) 
 It would be nice, though, if some kind old fairy 
 Would suddenly appear, so bright and air}' ; 
 
 (stage grows dark). 
 Dressed all in green and gold, as fairies locd<, 
 With wings of silver, in my picture book. 
 
 (clock strikes One. Clock door opens, and discovers 
 Coralina. Lime Light.) 
 And wave iier magic wand, and say '\Filim I" 
 CoiiAMXA. Filine ! 
 
8 
 
 FIjiuij, the Flshor-maid. 
 
 FiFiNi-; {.sfdifiiH/ up (tn<1 i«<ii>ii Jiiinj.) Gouil .gracious! 
 Wliiif (Iocs iill iliifs iiic'iiii ? 
 It IS llic (UiiT ! (Jli, Imw vi'iT (jtU'iM' ! 
 
 CoKAMNA. Well, uliatV your \vi.<li, Filinc? Tlu' \\\.\v\\ 
 
 licre. 
 
 * FiFiXK. Wliiit .lu 1 \vi>li? II. .w nice ! What don't I wish : 
 I want ii lino new Ixiat, mikI k)ts o\ fish, — 
 'JMiiit '.s tbv Fornandi) — 
 
 (h)I!ALIXa. Who '.'^ Fernando, pray? 
 
 ]''ii'iNK. Oh, Fi'i'iiii''/ IK' '.s my Invi'i-, sk tlu-y .-ay. 
 And then 1 \v«iit an apron, cai* and sIriniiSJ, 
 A pink silk dress, and — Oli, what silly tilings! 
 ^loney, of cour.so, will liuy mc clothes like these. 
 I wisli to be, (ih, very rich, nia'ani, please. 
 
 CoiiAi.iXA. A very silly wish ! All ri.iihl, my dear, 
 The shrinip.v, you'll lind, are all enchanted here; 
 They cure had temper, sell them. 
 FiFiN'i:. How surpritiiiiL'l 
 
 Coralina. Yi^u'U make your I'ortune. 
 F 11' INK. IIuw '.'' 
 
 CoHAi.iNA. IJy advertising:. 
 
 (rlork door closes, Fijinc runs to clock and vpcna 
 door. Coralina has disappeared, Fijine jnclis vji 
 a paper Jrmn inside.) 
 FiFiNK. Jf* this a dream? Oh ik). Fm wide awake. 
 The fairy said my foi tune I .should luake 
 JJy fc^ellinii; slirimps, Fm sure I wish I mi<:ht. 
 
 (looks at paper.) 
 Writiiijr! I wish that I could road an 1 .,;.i('. 
 
 (rappimj heard at door. Fi fine goes to dunr. A (/list 
 of wind blows it open, storm heard outside: enter 
 Fernando, followed hy Queen Faience and Prime 
 Emerahl, heavili/ cloaked and shawled.) 
 
 Fi:i 
 
 ll'.S V(l 
 
 She'll 
 h 
 Fu-i 
 :,TheF 
 Fi:r 
 
 Put 
 
 FlF 
 
 She 6 
 
 I Anil 1 
 Qu 
 
riu' I'iiiry".- 
 
 ii't r wi.sh : 
 
 
 . •; 
 
 leiir, 
 
 itiiiiir. 
 
 ■crtii^iiiH-. 
 picks vp 
 e. 
 
 paper.) 
 
 .1 (/list 
 
 c : cuter 
 Pn'ficr 
 
 Fi/ine, the Finher-maid, g 
 
 Fkkn'Ando. FiliiK', Tin sure, will shelter jfii lu-iiigli(. 
 
 {to Fijiiic) Two strangers, dear, 
 
 ruixc'K K.MKUAi.n. Our boat lia- l»eeii upset. 
 
 t's very storinv — 
 
 Qlekn Faiknck. ami we're very wet. 
 
 (Fifiiie htjjtx Queen ojj' wil/i Iter wraji.s, and aeuls 
 
 her (it the fire, Fernando lakes o/j' Prince 
 
 Emcrald'n cloak.) 
 
 FiFiNE. Pour tliiniiH ! I am so Horry ! 
 
 Ql'kkn Faikxck. Can we stay? 
 
 FiFiN'K. Of cuiirs '. I would'iit tvirii a do;^ away. 
 
 ■I'm very poor; I hav'iit jrot a bed ; 
 
 ^lini there's the lire, and here's milk and bread. 
 
 ((jets bread and niilkjroni shelf and sets thein on table.) 
 
 You're very welcome. 
 
 QfEEX Faiexck. What's your name ? 
 
 FiFiXE. Fillnc I 
 
 Queen' Fat EXCE. Well, chihl, you're "^'iving shelter to a 
 queen. 
 
 She'll not tbr^e" it. (Queen and Prince sit at table and take 
 
 bread and hulk. Fifinc and Fernando come doivn L.) 
 
 FiFiNE. Gracious! Fernieilear! 
 
 The Fairy's words are coming true, that's clear. 
 
 Fernando. What liiiry? 
 
 Queen Faience, (roininu down.) What! A fairy ! 
 
 Tell me, child. 
 What was she like? 
 
 PiUNCE Emerald. (lau<jhin(j.) Pray, waB «he tame or 
 
 wild? 
 
 FiFiXE. You laugh ! It really was a fairy queen. 
 
 She stood in there; (points to clock) so lovely; dressed in 
 
 green, 
 
 -| And promised me my wish. 
 
 Queen Faience. You \Tished for — ? 
 
 
10 
 
 Fijlue, the Fiaher-maid. 
 
 FiFiNE. Money. 
 
 She said the shriiiip.s, here, are enchanted — 
 
 Prince Emeuald. Funny! 
 
 FiFiXE. They cure bad^ temper. 
 
 PuiNX'E Emeuatj).' Ah, the very thin^'! 
 
 I know a dozen dowat'ers to brinir — 
 Cantankerous as crabs. Each thinks the other's 
 Temper is like u tinker's mother's. 
 I know a score of husbands, too, whose lives 
 Are crossed and crumi)led by temi)estuous wives. 
 
 ll 
 
 Qi 
 
 tUEEN Faience. I know a hundred wives whodaily blame 
 The day that nuide then-i " better halves" — in name. 
 
 Prince Emerald. Each one is sure to send the other here 
 To *' cure his temper." Qaiighs) Oh, you need'nt fear. 
 Your fortune's made. 
 
 Fernando. Our fortune's made indeed ! 
 
 FiFiNE. She leli some writinir, but I cannot read. 
 Fernando, here, {ijives jjaper). 
 
 Fernando. Oh, I can read it — 
 
 {turns papers round in ayuzzled way,) nearly. 
 
 Prince Emerald. Su])pose I try. 
 
 FiFiN'E. What, can you read, Sir? (Jie nods.) Really ! 
 
 Prince Emf.rald. (Reads:) 
 
 The Magic Shrimp. 
 
 The ma,uic shrimp 
 
 Will cure the duni])s, 
 Bad temper too, 
 
 And also mumps ; 
 Restore the hair, 
 
 And give repose ; 
 Remove the treckles 
 
 B^roni your nose: 
 
 It makes the very 
 
 Best of blacking, 
 And keeps your boots 
 
 F.roin ever cracking; 
 It's good fi.r sauce 
 
 With fish or meat; 
 It's good tor starch : 
 
 The soap 's a treat : 
 
Flfine, the Fisher-hiaid. 
 
 11 
 
 ing; 
 
 It'jJ L'ood to polish 
 
 Legs of chairs; 
 For dyeing, and 
 
 llenioviiig hairs: 
 It makes a spleiKhd 
 
 Jirilliant ink ; 
 Also a cooHiig 
 
 Siuiuncr drink : 
 It's good for gout 
 
 Or broken legs ; 
 Fur tnotlipaste, or 
 
 Preserving eggs ; 
 
 It's good to clean'your 
 
 Bit or stirrup: 
 It makes a charming 
 
 Soothing syrup ; 
 It's good in tea 
 
 Instead of milk ; 
 It's excellent 
 
 For dyeing silk: 
 It's unsurpassed 
 
 For mending china; 
 For toothache too 
 
 There's nothing finer 
 
 Now if you've never 
 
 Tried it— trvit; 
 And if you've never 
 
 Bought it — Buy it. 
 
 Qt'KKN Faikxok. V/ell, come, Fifine, if shrimps will cure 
 
 a passion — 
 PiUN'ci'; FjMKuald. And dye white hairs — (laurfhH.) 
 (^UKKN Faience. You'll soon become the fashion. 
 
 You'd Itettor set to work at once. Make haste 
 And niaiiufactuve this — {lauylis) superb shrimp paste. 
 PiuxcE Emerald. Whatever else you do, now, if you're 
 wise. 
 You'll first of all take care to advertise. 
 Fifixe. That's what the fairy said ! What's advertising? 
 Pri.n'ce Emerald. You don't know that ! It's really 
 most surprising ! 
 Look here! If Jones invents — a pill, we'll say. 
 lie wants to sell a lot to make it pay. 
 
 First step to fame, 
 lie gets a name, 
 To sav his Pills 
 
 Will cure all ills. 
 Through every town 
 He sticks this down, 
 
12 
 
 Fifine, the Flsher-mcdd. 
 
 Below yom* toes, 
 Hofore yonv nose, 
 On every wall, 
 In every Hall, 
 In road or street. 
 You always meet — 
 *' Try Jones' Pills, 
 That cure all ills!'* 
 In boats and trains, 
 
 Balloons or drains, 
 On coffin lids 
 In Pyramids, 
 You see it still — 
 " Try Jones' Pill !" 
 Wlicrc'ere you go, 
 You can't say no, 
 Belorc you thrust. 
 You (eel you must, — 
 
 You ouirht to — try it, 
 And then — you l>u\' it. 
 {all lau'jh.) 
 
 i}vv.v.}i Faiexci;. Well now, Filine. you know Just what 
 to do; 
 You'll make your fortune, and we'll help you, too. 
 We'll call this SaratarL'ate . That's the name 
 Will hand " Filine the Fishermaid " to fame. 
 
 (I'uhhaii. Queen Faience C. Fljine hieeUnr/, kisslnn 
 licr hand. Prince Emerald and Fernando U. A L 
 Drop Curtain.) 
 
 l\ 
 
 -I 
 k 
 .9 1 
 
 Mb) 
 
 It's w 
 
 irtiu 
 
 It is ( 
 But J' 
 
 Sli'' e 
 Sill' i;i 
 Bocaii 
 My lii 
 Some 
 
MIH, 
 
 II!" 
 
 I 
 
 nst wliat I 
 
 
 Temi'-f in the Palace of' Jnpifrr in Clowlliind, sht/ ti! 
 back, .s7^7>.9 centre of tevnicc. Ih-eakftn^l lahlc set Jj. 
 2 E. and two .sea/s: handkerchief li//n;/ on t/round np 
 Ji. Mercuri/ enters L. carrying plate of nm/lin.'^, he 
 sets if on table 
 
 MicKcntY. Miistor not down, and luis.su^ Iatt',of coiivso ! 
 It's well for licr the mare '^ the better horfje. 
 
 (takes a piece of nin/fin.) 
 \\' there *s one thini;- that Jupiter does hate, 
 ; It is (or hreaktast bein.t: ma le to wait. 
 I Hut Juno's worse than he. J must ;L:ive warnin^Lr. 
 
 (Jakes another piece oj niiil/in.) 
 SIm' even boxed my ears the otlier morni! ;j:; 
 Siic ealknl me nanics too, rascal, knave and thiet', 
 I l»ecaiise f took her poekethandkerchiel. 
 j My lin;.^'rs must, 1 think, be hung on si)rin;i:-, 
 Suniehow, 1 can't resist these little thing's. 
 
 (sees handcrchiej on (jronnd.) 
 Why, tliero's anotlior! now that's very droll! 
 My tin,u:ers turn like nee<lles to the pole. 
 I can't resist. 
 
 (picks lip handkerchief and pnts it in ids toj) boot.) 
 I'll hide it in my boot. 
 There, that's all ri;iht ! and now ft>r a cheroot. 
 
 (takes ci(/ar case Jrom ttble, and lie/hts cigar, sit.s on 
 one seat, and puts his feet on the other.) 
 . They call me, Mercury, of thieves the patron, 
 When I'm as innocent as anv matron ; 
 
*"fl 
 
 u 
 
 Fi.fi7ie, the Fisher-maid. 
 
 And iis for all tlicpo little triflinjji: slipp, 
 ]'\o kleptomania in my tln^rer tips. 
 
 (crash and loud (/rowh'ng heard at haclc U. Mcrcurij 
 starts lip and looks out at back Ji. Enter Jupiter 
 L. 2 E.) 
 JuiMTEii. Nuw then, what's all this noise? 
 
 Mkrciky. 
 
 Oh, Sir, look there! 
 
 The Seorpion has stunj.' the Little Bear 1 
 
 Jri'iTKU. Fetch me a thunderbolt, be quick ! a win.iier, 
 
 {exit Mercury L.) 
 ril ,Lrive that Scorpion a jolly stini^er. 
 
 (enter Merniry L. with thuiiderbolt, Jupiter hurls if 
 
 of]' li. 2 E. Crash heard and growls.) 
 
 We'll see if we can't stop these little capers. 
 
 (to Mercury), 
 
 Now then, be olT, and fetch the inornin<r papers. 
 
 (exit Mercury L.) 
 
 Here's half-past ten, and Juno not down yet, 
 
 (Calls.) Juno ! The breakfast 's readv ! 
 
 Jung. (oJ I^.) 
 
 Cominii', pet 
 
 JrpiTER. Comin^u:! Why don't you come ! The littlcsiily 
 The coffee — hem ! — I should say, nectar's chilly; 
 The ham and eggs — ambrosia, that is — cold; 
 'J'he very water cress is growing old : 
 The omlette 's tough, to cut it wants a spade; 
 The flies have eaten up the marmalade. 
 Juno, (rails) make haste ! It's really most annoying. 
 
 Two hours she 's been, four lad 
 
 ies' maids employin 
 
 It's all her hair; they dress it, brush it, match it ; 
 It takes as long as if she'd first to catch it. 
 Thiml»les and thunderbolts ! By Jove, I'm starving! 
 I'll wait no lonijer, I must do some carving. 
 
 (sits at table and begins eating, enter Juno, R. Jupiter 
 
 . takes no notice of her.) 
 
F I line, the Fisher- maid. 
 
 16 
 
 ■ Mcvcurij 
 fer Jii2)i(cr 
 
 V there ! 
 
 n, winner, 
 n/ L.) 
 
 r hurls it 
 
 7/ L.) 
 
 S> pet ! 
 tie silly! 
 
 IIU". 
 
 ,• I 
 
 Jupiter 
 
 .h\o. (rnrixiiigt//). .luitpy ! He woiTt look up. My 
 
 (livrliiiiT 'liippy ! 
 Jri'iTKii. Well, inuilaii), arc yon calling tor your puppy? 
 I'm not a do<^. {Mer<-unj ciitcr,s icith 2)ii2)ers.) 
 Mi:ucuRY. My ,<roo<lnesp, here's a u;o ! (Exit L.) 
 
 .IrpiTKR. You're late. (Juno sits Ji. of table and pours 
 
 0}it coffee.) 
 Jr.vo, Your wateli is fast! 
 
 Jri'iTKK. Tlieu yours is slow! 
 
 The Cdtl'ee's cold ; you know I hate it so. 
 
 Ji'NO. You're cross n^iaiu — why are you always naa'gin.ti:'' 
 
 Ji'iMTKii. Wh}' are you always late? for ever la<r^iTig. 
 
 Jrxo. A woman cannot dress, sir, in a minuit, 
 
 JriMTKK. I wish you'd buy a sack, and just jump in it. 
 
 .)r\o. So like a man, tliat i« ! A sack ! Good lack ! 
 
 No douht you'd like to see me in a sack ! 
 
 Perhai)S (sobs) you'd rather see me in my cofliii. (rries.) 
 
 Jri'iTKR. What ! Water works a^^ain ! 
 
 Jrxo. You're ahvay.s scoftin' 
 
 Because (sobs) your poor wife (h'esses all to pU'ase you. 
 
 JrpiTKii. Oh l)Other, Ju, T said it just to tease you. 
 (Juno t(tkes }ip paper and reads, turning her back to 
 table.) 
 Oh, if you wish to sulk, pray sulk, my dear ! 
 
 (Jupiter takes up paper and reads, turniwi his hack 
 also to table.) 
 
 Ji'xo. How odd! Tlie very thing! do listen here (reads.) 
 " A reiiuirkat le discovery has been made at an island 
 called Saratar<rate, somewhere in China. The shrim})s of 
 •his place cure bad temixT." There ! " Sulks." 
 
 JiTiTER. There ! 
 
16 
 
 Fijine, the Fisher-maid. 
 
 JcNo. "Ami irrumpiiioss. An iruscihlf, ,i.'riimi»y 
 |>ei)])ory old pfvrty, had disinherited his six <o\\< ;uh| 
 twenty danjihters for wearing- hoh-nailod hoots. In a tit ot 
 anther lie retired to this spot, and lived upon shrinipn for' 
 three weeks. On his return, he I'orjrave his six sons and 
 twenty daujjjhiers, and houLrht a pair of hoh-iiaih'il liooH 
 for himself. He now smiles all day lon.ir." 
 1 wish that you'd eat shrinii).s. 
 
 JuiMTKU. D'ye moan to say 
 
 My temper 's hail? 
 
 Jnxo. (aside, dri/Ji/) I've seen a better. 
 
 .Il'lMTKK. Kh ! 
 
 Jr\o (iiifeUi/). Nothiiijr, my love. 
 
 Ji'i'iTKis. Nothing! That's like vour pex. 
 
 It's always " nothinjr!" when they want to vex. 
 
 (firnifi in iieicfipaper.) 
 
 Ha! hum! A sti'anne eoin(*iden(.'e indeed ! 
 
 I've found some more shrimps' tales, dear. Shall I read? 
 (reads.) 
 
 " A most a<:,irravatin<>; woman, with a temper like a 
 
 ra/or, who had woi"n her poor hushand into a curl paper, 
 
 has just returned from eating the famous Saratargatc 
 
 shrimps, which cure had temper; hers is so much 
 
 im])rovod that she now uses her little linger to sweeten th ■ 
 
 family tea, and her husband is growing too fat to tie h. 
 
 own shoe-strings. 
 
 (enter Memtry with letter, he f/iocs it to Juno, and 
 exit L.) 
 
 Juxo (com hui down.) More news from Saratargate: just 
 look here, (reads.) 
 
 '•' Tremendous excitement. All the world going to 
 
 Saratargate ; steamersevery ten minutes fiom every where. 
 
 Keturn tickets half-a-crown." 
 
 Oh, Juppy, let us go. 
 
 .ii 
 
 .hi 
 .!r 
 Jr' 
 
Fifme, the Flsher-mcuJ. 
 
 17 
 
 111 a \\{ (It I 
 
 iriinps for ] 
 
 >'ons iiiiii } 
 
 llcil hooh ;' 
 
 i 
 '•in to snv 
 
 Kh ! 
 our .'iex, 
 
 r roii.l? 
 
 ' like a 
 
 l>apor, 
 
 itai'<:a(c 
 
 inucli 
 
 ton til ■ 
 
 tie li 
 
 0, and 
 
 n.LT t»t 
 ivlioie. 
 
 JiiMTKi!. 1 can't atlord it. 
 
 Tiijus arc too liavd. No money, 
 .FrNo. Oh, you lioanl -. . 
 
 .Ii riTKR. Tliinlv of the drcsseSj honnets, gloves — all new. 
 .Ir.vo. Cigars ami l/illianls, plays and suppers too. 
 .!ri'iTi;a. I can't aflbrd — * 
 
 .IiNO. You'd c!are your wife — perhaps, 
 
 .JiiMTKR. I can't — (s-ha s/opti his mnuih). Well, tliere; 
 
 pack up your traps. 
 {Calls.) Here Mercury ! {enter Mercury L), Say, 
 
 what's the earliest train? 
 MtjRcruY. Where to. Sir? 
 -IriMTEit. Earth. 
 
 MKucrav. Well, there's the '' Charles' Wain." 
 
 .Trxo, Oh, that's so slow. 
 JriMTKi'v. Here, fetch the railway guide. 
 
 {Mevciirij briin/s railirtii/ guide.) 
 If 1 can find the place, we'll soon dcciile ; 
 The " Comet " passes by at twelve o'clock. 
 
 {Look.'i at ivatcli.) 
 Make haste; you hav'nt time to change your frock. 
 
 (Juno rnn.s' off' 7?.) 
 Ten minutes for refreshment at the Lion. 
 
 {Drags forward from L wing, big carpet hag, marked 
 " T/mnderhfllfs.'') 
 This hag of thuuderholts you'll keep your eye on. 
 
 {E.vit L.) 
 MEticniY {sits at table and helps himself to coffee, etc.) 
 I've had no hreakfast yet. Can't call it stuHin, 
 With ninety million miles upon a nuiflin. 
 This comes of serving sucli a rapid master: 
 The " Comet's" fast, hut I shall be a faster. 
 
 •^ 
 
IS 
 
 Fi/ine, the Fisher-maul. 
 
 {Ifn ifiju.ttf/o!)}// to eaf w/ieii Jupiter enters- L, }femir)i 
 utarls vj) and leares Iiia ]>late with rc<iretj'nl looks. 
 Jtqyiter carrie.^ very diniiniitiveportmantccui.) 
 
 Jupiter. Tooth brush, clean collar, handkerchief, all 
 right I 
 
 JupiTKU (ca?/.v)' Jiiiio ! come! arn't you ready yet? 
 Juno. Not quite. 
 
 Jupiter. Here's my portmanteau, mind. Sir, don't you 
 drop it, 
 {Loud rnshing noise heard off L. at hack:) 
 The "Comet'.s" coming: (piick now, run, and stop it. 
 
 (Merciirj/ )-uns up sta<je and signals off L. Lirehj 
 music. Half a dozen l>and-boxes a)id a number of 
 In-own paper parcels are thrown on from II. and 
 caught bg Jupiter, who pitches them to Mercury ^ who 
 places them up stage, then Jupiter drags in a huge 
 trunk or two, and Jnno enters with a trig bundle of 
 wraps, which she g ices to Mercury. Hushing noise 
 heard ; the '' Comet " appears at back. The charac- 
 ters dance a " break-down" and " walk round," and 
 at the end form tableau. Juno in centre; Jupiter 
 and Mercury on either side. y<cenc closes in. 
 
 J\ 
 
 FlFll 
 
SCENE III. 
 
 Fi/ine's Cottw/e ; in 1st. Grooves. Enter Fi fine L. 
 FiFiNE. (JaughuKj.) What tun! The tuiry's wunls have 
 ull ('OHIO true ! 
 My thirling go<hiiother, it's all through yon ! 
 We're getting, oh, so rich ! it can't be told, 
 I've stutled my stockings, every one, with gold, 
 And now we're filling sacks, and any thing, 
 I uni so hajipy, I could dance and sing. 
 {Sinys.) 
 
 Song . — 
 (Dnrinr/ the last bars of the song Fernando has entered, 
 Ji. he comes behind her, and as she finishes, he puts 
 his arm round her waist and kisses her.) 
 Fkuxaxdo. Ah, sweet Fitine, what, singing, little biul I 
 FiKiNK. {u'itli ajycctation of indignation.) 
 How dare you, sir, eh ? well, upon my word ! 
 
 {with a sudden chanye of manner, puttinj her hands 
 dasped on his shoulder.) 
 Oh, Fernie! Is'nt it delighthil having riches I 
 It's nicer far than making nets. 
 Fkrxando. Or stiches. 
 
 FiFiN'K. Or going out all night for one poor sprat. 
 Fkrnaxdo. I've often lished all night for less than that. 
 J>ut tlo you know, Fitine, (puts arm round her waist.) 
 
 I wish you'd stop it; 
 Let's give nj) money-making ; come now, drop it. 
 We've quite enough to live like lords and ladies. 
 No Queen is half so dear as my sweet maid is. (kisses her.) 
 Let's run away to-morrow. 
 
1 
 
 20 
 
 IM 
 
 Fifiue, the Fisher-maid. 
 
 FiFiNK. Oil, what stuff 
 
 Why, Fcriiic, ilojir, \\v liiiv'iit hull' enough. 
 I want ten carriaires ami horses ^I'lin'l ; 
 To be the tiiiest ladv in the land; 
 With powdered footmen, diainond.-i and rings, 
 Silk dresses, velvet trains and other things, 
 Such ducks of bonnets, shawls and laces new. 
 
 Fkrxaxdo. And I? 
 
 FiFiNK. Oh, you shall have fine dresses too, 
 
 And then an opera box in every city. 
 
 Fkrnando. {ironically.) You'll use them all at once? 
 
 FiFiXK. You're very witty. 
 
 Then in the park I'll drive, or walk, {walks up and down 
 stage mincinyly, an thouyh )nanayiny lonj train.) 
 
 like this. 
 Fkrxaxdo. You look just like a silly i)eacock, Miss. 
 
 FiFixE. A peacock, iSir! I'm sure you're most polite. 
 Don't marry, pray, a peacock. Sir. 
 
 Fkrxaxdo. You're right. 
 
 Fd rather drown jnyself at once, I would, now, there! 
 
 FiFiXK. {beyiiiinc) to cry.) Fm sure, you're so uidvind ; 
 
 I should'nt care. 
 {Enter Coralina L. disgiiisal as an old woman, with a 
 
 basket.) 
 CoRALiXA. You'd lietter take some shrimps, you luiughty 
 
 pair. 
 (Gices shriiiqjs to each, and exit L., quickly, they beyiit 
 
 to peal them in silence ; Jinally they eat them, 
 
 smiliny.) 
 FiFiXE. Dear Fernie, did we quarrel ? llow absurd ? 
 
 Fkrxaxdo. (kissiny her.) I couUl'nt quarrel with my 
 little bird. 
 
 |uh, h\] 
 (A 
 
 FlFl 
 
 Fku:| 
 
 I Queen 
 FiFi: 
 
Ffjine, the Fisher-maid. 
 
 21 
 
 jOIi, l>y the way, d'ye like my m'.v disguise? 
 
 (f'elc/ic-s cloak and heard Jroiii R; jmts f/iciii on.) 
 
 FiFiXK {(iappiny hands). It's ca]»itiil ! You look so vi-ry 
 
 wi.-^c, 
 Fkunando {inh'oducing liiinsijlf.) Doctor Mallavsiostro. 
 {she curLsri/.s, he boiva poinpomhj.) I inust go. 
 
 [Qiieoii Bessie comes to-day. 
 
 Fii'ixE. Oh, yes, I know. 
 
 Her temper 's awful. 
 Fkiinando. I've a speech to make. 
 
 FiKiNK. And I've a lot of pies and bread to l»ake. 
 {Exeunt L and li. 
 
SCENK IV. 
 
 Bcack ami sea roast of the Enchantal Isle. Fi/ine's 
 eottttije L. U. E., boat drawn V]> R. 2 E. Batliimj 
 house R. if. E. with placard, " liafhiiKj House. To 
 Let. Fire Pounds a n'njht.''' A board, " The t^nuib 
 and Cracker Gardens'' another with hand " This 
 way to the Grotto," another outside cotta</e, " 'Tea 
 and shrim2)S ninepence." Rustic table and chairs 
 L. 2. E. 
 
 (Prince Emerald discovered on bank sleep in<j ; a fish- 
 ing rod hani/s out over water. Fijine enters from 
 cottage.) 
 FiFiXK. Ah I F{i.«t. asleep! Tlie Prince, liore, calls tlii.s 
 
 fishing. 
 All riglit, \uy Prince, it'lishes Vdu are wishing, 
 I'll give you one. {Ituns into cottage, and returns with red 
 herring ichich shejastens to hook.) 
 
 It won't do any lla})i)ing. 
 There now. That's right, (hides behind wing R. I. E 
 
 Prince wakes, rubbing hiseijes) 
 PuiNCK Emkiiald. Come in ! Why, I've iieen napping. 
 
 (l^akes up fishing rod.) 
 I've canght a tish at last. It's very reil. 
 The smell's peculiar. Why, the creatnre's dead ! 
 It's very strange! I can't have slept a week, 
 
 (Fifine smothers a laugh) 
 Ah 1 All ! I see ; a case of hide and seek. 
 
 (goes off at R. 2. E. and comes behind Fifine, she runs 
 across stage to L. 1 E. hej'ollowing, andon at L. 2 E. 
 he catches her) 
 
Fljlne, the Fitsher-ituild. 
 
 
 I'iliiio, voii roj^iu', you'll have to juiy lor tlii.-. 
 FinNK. All, let me .i^o ! 
 
 Puixc'K K.MKKAi.i). Not till I'vt' ;,'ot a kiHs, 
 
 FiFiXK. 'riicro'H some coniiii<r.. let mi' ^'o, now, quick. 
 
 (s/ie runs away into cottiaji-) 
 I'm sure tluit somcoiu' I shouM liki- to kick, {exit R.) 
 Knhr L. 1. K. Siii iRAsciur.i: Kai's, rarrifiny a hooL- and 
 iin nniJnrllo, the ribs of vhicli arc carrrol with Idnc 
 muslin to represent blue glass : fie comes front — simjs, 
 
 Bluk (iLASS. 
 Air " The (Jallcpin- Snob." 
 
 Sii: IiiAscinLi:. 
 
 They call me Irascible lliips, Sir Rapf, 
 
 Irascible Haps, Irascible Raps, 
 I'm tree to confess tbat jterliaps, perbaps 
 I'm one of tbe peppery cliaps. 
 Gout in all my toes ; 
 Nobody here know-s 
 Hnw bard tbe tiL'bt to be i)olite, 
 With jrout in all your tender toes. 
 
 My medical man bas ordered I tine irlass, 
 
 Ordered blue ^dass, ordered blue ^dass; 
 And tliou»rb y(»u may tbink tbat tbe man is an ass, 
 Tbere's nutbiuir like blue jrlass : 
 Temper 's all .serene, 
 Appetite 's not mean, 
 I'll sjienil n)y life, without a wife. 
 As lonjr as I ,ii;et tbis Inie blue glass. 
 
 {Enter li. 1 E. Sir Popinjaij Pops with a telescope.) 
 
 There's tbat confounded donkey Poj)injay. 
 
 I bate that fellow! {goes up L., sticks his vmt)rella into 
 the ground, and lies down on hank, reading.) 
 
■1 
 
 '2i 
 
 Fi/iiie, the FisJicr-makl. 
 
 Sin Ponv.TAv 
 
 liai)S 
 
 aps aiiain to-<lay 
 
 OM iditjt, with his ii(nit, ami tliat blue iilass, 
 
 Sun baths and stuff! I hate to sei- the a-s. 
 
 {goes up /(', and Iccjis cujdinsi iree, looling throiKjli 
 hlcKcopc (if .'iCd.) 
 
 Sm Ti'wVsciitLK. As u.-ual, Sir, yon're kocpinii' oli' my sun. 
 
 Sir PiU'iNMAY, It's mine as much as yours, {aside) V\\ 
 have some fun. 
 
 Sill Tra.scihlk. To ctiro my malady, the uout, it's true, 
 My iloctor puts me under L^lass that's Mue; 
 I |)ny (or sunshine, and I'll have it too. 
 
 Sill PoiMN'.iAY. Your malaily indeed! we know the sort, 
 It's made hy mixinii- turtle soup and port. 
 
 u'u }/ou were made, a pe.acock. Sir, 
 
 Siul 
 
 kascihm: 
 
 W 
 was spoiled. 
 
 SiK Popinjay. You poor old veuetaMe, why ar'nt y 
 boiled ? 
 Don't say you've run to seed. 'J'hat can't bo done. 
 
 You may b. seedy, but you'll never run. 
 
 Sir Trascihlk. (com'uKj down front L.) 
 
 Beware, Sir, pray beware ! I'm mild as — 
 
 ou 
 
 «, 
 
 Poi'lx.lAY (srof/hif/Ji/.) 
 
 milk? 
 
 Sin luAsrmi.K. ^^y temper 's sweet as sugar, soft as — 
 Sir Popinjay. • silk. 
 
 Sir Irascirlk. J^ut milk turns souv, sugar too urow; 
 
 Sir Popixjay 
 
 acii 
 
 I? 
 
 Sir Tuasciut-k. TIk/ calmest waters are not ahvavs — 
 
 Sir Popinjay 
 
 placul 
 
 Sir Ihasiuiu.i:. I wear a sword, ^\v (puts Jiand o)i fiiroyd.) 
 
 Sir Popinjay 
 
 Pooh, Sir! likewise, bah ! 
 
 Don't think of what you were, but what you are. 
 Sir iRAsciin.K. Where's my thermometer? (tah-es ont 
 pocket thermometer, places it under his tomjue, 
 
 then examines it.) 
 
 Tl 
 
 us l," 
 
 i.>0 
 
 bad. 
 
 Two hundred ! On the boil ! I'm L'oinji' mad. 
 
Fijine, the Fisher-maid. 
 
 25 
 
 Sin Poi'iN'JAY (l(iU(//tiii</). IJoilinir witli ra<i;<' ! Old 
 
 U'llow, do lie calm : 
 
 For my sake, \)Yiiy ; You'll do your.~elt' some harm. 
 
 You'd better {tut cold water iu your kettle, 
 
 (offers him (/las'.s of irdfer.) 
 
 Vou poor old pumpkin. (Sir Irasrihlc itilis i/lasa and 
 //irows contents over tiir ropinjai/.) 
 
 Sill [rascibi.k. That will try your mettle, 
 
 Sill Popinjay. You've quite unstarched my frill. 
 
 Sill Irascible. You need'nt faint, 
 
 Although J have washed otl' an inch ot paint. 
 
 Sir PoiMN.iAV. Paint ! (adrances threatenin(/h/.) 
 
 Sir Irasciblk. Pumi)kin ! (threatens in return.) 
 
 Sir Poi'iN.iAY. Cauliflower ! (shak' ij telescope at him.) 
 
 Sill Irasciblk. Creature ! (shaking fist.) 
 
 Sir PoL'iN.rAY. Indeed! you hav'nt jiot a decent feature. 
 
 Sir Irascible. You dressed up, anti(iuatcd, worn out 
 «•' gent ;" 
 
 A dozen of you are not worth a ("iit ! 
 
 Sir P01MX.JA y. You're tar too fat to see your gouty toes. 
 
 Sir Irascible. For hall-a-crown, you stick, I'd pull 
 your nose. 
 
 Sir PoiMX,JAY. A row of ))ins would make me puncli 
 your head, 
 
 (enter Fifinc irith .wiull basket of .shrimps.) 
 
 FiiMNE. Perii.ips you'd take a niiigic shrimp instead. 
 
 Sir Popin.iay and Sir Iiiascibi.k (speaking together.) 
 
 A shrimp ! what for ! 
 
 FiFiXE. Improve y<Mir tem])ers, sure, 
 
 For all had temper they'ie a perfect cure. 
 
 (she gires a shrimp to each: they take them, glaring 
 savagely at each other.) 
 
 Now you stand there (places Sir Irascible 11.) ami you 
 
 stand iiere ! (jdaces Sir Popinjay L.) That's right. 
 
 Now wlien you'\e peeled your shrimps just take a bite. , 
 
2G 
 
 Fi/uie, the Flsher-itmld. 
 
 They're vorv nice. 
 
 Yon mu-t'nt nav a word. 
 
 You'll lind ymir aiiLcer vanish in a trice. 
 
 Sir Ikakciiu.k. A slirinip indeed! Idon't mind if I try it. 
 Sir Poi'iN.iAV. A nuigic shrimp ! well, that'.s a funny 
 diet. 
 {Fijine (joes from one to the other.) 
 FiFiXK. (2V> Sir Popiiijai/ Pops) — You're getting; on. — 
 ( 7b Sir Irasciltle ]!a}).s) — 'I'ake (!are now, don't yon hreak it. 
 Sir Pol' I N.I ay. Mine's ready. 
 Sir Ira.sciui.e. So is n)ine. 
 
 FiFiNK. Well tlicn, just take it. 
 
 {They ent shrimps. Each heijins to smile, they ad- 
 vance to each other (oid shake hands. Fifine goes 
 vp.) 
 
 Sir PoriN.JAY. What were we quarrelling about just 
 now ? 
 
 Sill Iram'IHM:, Tpon my word, I could'nt say,! vow. 
 It's very odd! My feelings [ can't .smother. 
 Why Poi)S ! 1 love you better than a brother. 
 
 Sir Poi'iNJAV. Dear Kaps ! it's strange. You're very 
 like my mother. 
 You'll take a pinch of .snuff. {offers snujf'hox.) 
 
 Sir Irasciule. Who would suppose 
 
 Five minutes back I wished to pull your nose! {hiughs) 
 
 Sir Poi'iNMAv. Tt can't be true that I was so ill-bred. 
 
 Just now, to wisii that I could punch your head ! (laughs.) 
 
 Sir Irascmiu.i:. (live me vour arm old bov, we'll jjo to 
 town. 
 
 (Take.^' Sir Popinjay^s arm, they are going off' L, 
 trhen Fifine comes down qniclcly.) 
 
 FiFiNK. Excuse me, Sir. (holds out hand to Sir Popinjay) 
 
 Sir Poi'ix.iav. What this? (tries to shake hands with 
 her.) 
 
 FiFiXE. (holding out other hand to Sir Irascible.) Just 
 half-a-crown. 
 
 i 
 
 Si 
 
 The 
 Fil 
 
 Si 
 
 Tliei 
 
Fifine. the Fisher-maid. 
 
 SirIkasciblk. Thedickins! half-a-crown I that's rather 
 dear! 
 
 Tlie slirimps have had a strike, that's very clear. 
 
 Fifine. They wont be boiled for loss; {they give money) 
 
 Sir Poi'ixjAY. Now tell us, quick. 
 
 The hocus pocus, 
 
 FiFiNK. Sir? 
 
 Sir Irascible. The dodge. 
 
 Sir Popinjay. The trick. 
 
 How is It done, eh? 
 
 FiFixK. Oh! They do, sir, say 
 
 It's just because their bile's all biled away. 
 
 {Sir Irascible and Sir Pojiinjay clap their hands to 
 their Joreheads and go up shaking their heads in 
 disgust.) 
 
 {cheering heard off L.) 
 
 {Fifine goes up and looks out at sea. Enter L. 1. 
 and 2. E. Fishermen and Villagers. Fernando 
 enters hurriedly from cottage disguised as Doctor. 
 Malfcesiostro ; he pushes back croivd to wings 
 R. and L.) 
 
 Fernando. Stand bac' good people, don't be so 
 encroaching ! 
 
 The Queen of all the Doodoo's is approaching. 
 
 Get ready then to cheer, my jolly tars, 
 
 Up with your caps, and out with your hurrahs. 
 
 {Nautical music, boat anioes at back, containing Queen 
 Bessina, Princess Zou Zou and Page, the latter 
 canying band-boxes under each arm. They di son- 
 bark and come down front, the populace hurraying. 
 Fernando advances with address.) 
 
 Fernando. Most gracious Madam, we — {Queen Bessina 
 turns aside.) 
 
L'S 
 
 Fijinr, the FlsJter-maid. 
 
 Qtkkx Bkssina. I feel so ill, 
 
 That horrid Injiit, there, never would stay still. 
 
 Fekn'axdo (fachif/ her again.) Most gracious Maduin — 
 
 Qi'EKx Bkssixa. If you've got it handy, 
 
 I think I'd like a little ilrop of brandy. 
 
 (Fifiiie brings bottle from coitaf/e; Queen Bessina 
 clrinks, all the characta's Htand in line, singing 
 thejollonnng, and dancing " The Cure.'") 
 Alt.. Oh dear ! oh dear ! 
 
 f J ieel 1 
 
 i She feels }^o^"^'^^ • 
 
 {sile'feels}«^^^^^'^'^^'>'^"^^^- 
 
 {8/^'U}j-tl'-{si^leels}i-t^-- 
 So horribly, horribly queer. 
 The sea, the sea, the sea, the sea. 
 The sea, the horrible sea; 
 The sea, the sea, tlie sea, tlie sea, 
 The horrible, horrible sea. 
 Fkrxaxdo {again presenting speech.) 
 Most gracious Madam, we — 
 
 QuEEX Bessixa. a sjjeech ! in rhyme ; 
 
 Oh well, we'll read it. Sir, anotlier time. 
 We'll put it in our pocket {pockets speech.) 
 
 Kindly say — 
 You cure bad tenijter here? 
 
 Ferxando. We do. 
 
 QiEEN Bessixa. We'll stay. 
 
 I've brought my daughter. Sir, her temper's vile; 
 Prixcess Zou Zou. Mamma, how can you! 
 
 QuEEx Bessixa. In a little while 
 
 Perhaps you'll cure her. 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. Really ! — 
 
 QuEEX Bessixa. Not a word ! 
 
 Let little L'irls I'c seen but never heard. 
 
 Bn> th| 
 Their 
 Qu e| 
 
 My t.>\\| 
 
 {Uum 
 
Fijlne, the, Fisher-niaid. 
 
 29 
 
 Fernando {pcdanticalhj). They should I be evident to 
 tlic optic nerve, 
 
 Bn* the auricular sliould not oh.-ei've 
 
 Tiuir presence, *heni ! 
 
 Ql'ekx Bessin'a. {aside) A man of ermlition. 
 
 My own's the very sweetest tlispositic^n ; 
 (Laii(jiu.^Jiin</J;/) I'm fur too sensitive. 
 
 {Ahnipllij) And now for dinner. 
 
 We've had no food to-day as we're u sinner. 
 
 Sir Irasciijle. Queen Doo Dog 's peckish. 
 
 QuKKX 13i:ssiN'A. Where's your best hotel? 
 
 Fernando. Your Majesty — we haven't got (^ne. 
 
 QlEEN J^KSSINA. ' Wcll ! 
 
 I'm sure! Indeed! A pretty })iece ot work. 
 
 Fernando. We've fourteen dukes, nine bishops and a 
 Turk, 
 
 All sent here by their lovint; wives and daughters 
 
 To have their tempers cured with shrimps and waters. 
 
 The town 's too small to hold the crowds. In fact. 
 
 Each cottage in the place is closely packed. 
 
 Queen Bessina. And where are we to slee]j? 
 
 Fernando. Well ? there's the rub ; 
 
 Perhaps your Majesty will take a tub. 
 
 Qi'EEN J3essi\a. Fni not Diogenes! 
 
 Fernando {iiiowjhtj'ulhj.) Of course not. He's a loafer, 
 Perhaps your Majesty would like a sofa; 
 You see the island is'nt made to stay in : 
 This is " the place to spend a hai)])y day in." 
 We've swings, and round-abouts, and '' Old Aunt Sully,' 
 Ijuwn tennis, skittles and a bowling alley ; 
 The bathing 's lovely, and the nuisic 's line; 
 Dancing and fireworks at half-past nine ; 
 Aj)ples and ginger beer to iiuike you witty ; 
 And if you ean"l be jolly, more 's the pity. 
 
80 
 
 Fifiiie, the Fisher-niaid. 
 
 You've no i<lea how liMj)|)y vuu can In'. 
 
 Ami then for nint'i>encc, why you've .slirimps and tea. 
 
 QuKKV Bessina. I hate your music! hother swings and 
 skittles I 
 I don't want wit. 
 
 Sir PoiMNM.vY (aside.) She only a.«ks for wittlcs. 
 
 QiEKN- IJkssixa. We must have Iteds! 
 
 Fkrn'.vxdo. You can't ! Wo hare no beds. 
 
 QUKKN IJKSSINA (.s7(«/»j)i»// hcv foot angrily.) Oil with 
 
 Ilia head ! Yes, take ot\' all their heads ! 
 
 ( WaU-'i angrily up and downsfiige : crushes aj/ainst 
 Page, iv/io hmdjles down, sifting on band-boxes, 
 .she .sla])s him, he crie.s.) 
 
 Pagk. Bohoo ! Bohoo ! 
 
 Ql'EEN iJEssiNA. You naughty little imp. 
 
 You've spoilt my bonnet. 
 
 (Enter Coralina as old woman, she gives a shrimp to 
 Queen Bessina.) 
 
 CoKALiXA. Please to take a shrimp. 
 
 (Exit L (piickly.) 
 
 (Queen Bessina cats shrinij 
 Z(tu Zi)u. Both smile amiai 
 
 (/ices some to Princess 
 
 ibly) 
 QiEEN Bkssina. Why, what's the matter ? Really, I don't 
 
 care. 
 PuixcEss Zoi' Zou. I'll sleej) upon a table or a chair. 
 QuEEX JJessin'a. I'm not particular: I'll take the floor. 
 Princess Zou Zou. i'm quite content to sleep a<;ainst the 
 
 w 
 
 all. 
 
 Queen Bessina. In sliort, pray pi;t ii< anywhere at all. 
 
 Who'll take compassion on a homeless Queen? 
 
 FiFiXE. I will, your Majesty. 
 
 QiEEX Bessina. 
 
 FiFiNK. Fifine. 
 
 Your name ? 
 
m^in^y 
 
 Fijine, the Fisher-nmid. 
 
 Fkrnani)o. Song and Chouuh. 
 
 Air.—" Dixie's Liuid." 
 
 They'll sleep upon the^tloor, 
 Or else behind the door 
 Or up against the wull 
 Or any where at all. 
 
 31 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 (They) 
 
 (We ) 
 Fkrnando. 
 Ai.h. 
 Feuxan'uo. 
 
 (They) r^Xv) vvii, (Tl't'v) 
 
 (We j ^^'"'iWe j ^^'"- (We r 
 They're not at all particular. 
 
 'Ticular, 'ticular. 
 \ cellar or a stal)le, or a sofa or a tahle. 
 
 They'll .sleep. They'll sleep. 
 
 They'll sleep upon a tahle. 
 
 Ar,L Rki'evt. They'll sleep, etc. 
 
 Music rcpc.ala last few bars, the characters walk round 
 the sta'je, ami Exit L. Fifine, Queen licssina an/i 
 Princess Zou Zou, with Paye, <jo into cotUv^e. Music 
 changes to a niufical air. Snuill boat appears at 
 hack, containing Jupiter, Juno and Mercury, the 
 latter pullinif. All yrotesqucly dressed in exayyerat- 
 edjashions.) 
 
 Jltiter. 'Va^^t pulliii'i, there, my lad! Here's land at 
 
 last. 
 
 Jmn]) out now, quick, an<l make the painter fast. 
 
 {Mercury gets out of boat, and conies down, looking as 
 if in search of something .) 
 
 What is it, noodle ? 
 
 MuRCURV. Sir, the painter, please. 
 
 Tliere's no one painting here among these trees. 
 
 (Jupiter gets out of boat with a rope, hits Mercury.) 
 JriMTER. This is the painter, sir, 
 Mekci'ry. Why that's a roi>o. 
 
 JrpiTKR. Next time I ask for on« you'll know, I hope. 
 
JJ 
 
 Fijiue, the Fisher-vuiid. 
 
 ./ 
 
 MEUcritY. (liuhhiiij/ kin shoulders) I know I'm paintfd 
 
 bliick and hliU'. 
 
 JUPITKII. All ri^lit. 
 
 J UNO. Do you intend to leave nie hero all ni,iiht ? 
 
 Jl'imti;ii. (^To Mcrcunj) Take out the ba^i^aire. 
 
 Jl'Xu. l>a;!;Lru,.!;e ! Well, I'm sure! 
 
 (Jiiiio (jets oil/ of bo2t icilhnut assistance. Mercunj 
 lands baji/ai/e. Juno comes down to Jupitei'.) 
 
 Tiiere \va< a time when you'd have liowii — 
 
 (she /'alls on his shoulder.) 
 JuFiTKR. Don't bore! 
 
 Juno, you're getting old. These little tricks 
 Did verv well when we were more like chick.-!. 
 I know we're married, ami its no use kickin', 
 J>ut please remember, ma'am, that you're no cliicken. 
 You're ([uite as heavy a^ a cask of beer. 
 
 {Looks ojf R.) 
 At last, there's some o\w comin;^. Eli, there ! Here ! 
 {Prince Emerald enters R. with Fern/mdo as Malfccsiosli o.) 
 Prince Emkrald. Hallo! What have we here? 
 
 A funny set. 
 
 (Jupiter hows elahoratchj, JunocurtscijSs Mercury comes 
 forward and bows, Jiipiter takes him by the shoulder 
 and turns him back.) 
 
 JuriTEU. Pray, do yon know of any rooms to let? 
 
 We're strangers here. 
 
 Prince Kmeram). (aside.) Well, I should say so, rather. 
 
 He must have lived before liis great grandfather; 
 
 Ask this distinguished, grave, and learned man — 
 
 Doctor Malfcesiostrt); he is an 
 
 M.D.: M.F.: Y.Z.: A double S: 
 
 There's nothing that he can't, at least, profess. 
 
 Goes up and talks with Juno.) 
 
Fitlne, the Fisher- /naid. 
 
 o 1 
 
 33 
 
 ll O. I 
 
 :^ 
 
 ■i 
 
 ■•s 
 
 Jui'iTEK to Fernando. We're simple country I'olk, you 
 soc; 
 My luiinc is IJrowii, and this is Mrs. H. 
 
 Fkrxaxuo. Well, Mr. Brown, I very inuuli regret, 
 But that's the only residence you'll get. 
 
 (Pointiny to batlnuij mar h inc.) 
 
 Jl'I'ITKU. Why that's for bathing! Live in that machine I 
 Confound it. Sir, whatever do you mean? 
 D'ye know you're speaking to — 
 
 ,luxo. 'Hem, Jui)py, here! 
 
 Feiin.vxdo. Juppy? 
 
 Jltitku. Yes, short for Jupiter, (to Juno.) Fm com- 
 ing, dear. 
 My other name you see. 
 
 Fkux.xxdo. Ah ! Juj)py ]>rown. 
 
 .li'i'iTKii. Precisely so. For me thiit hox would do; 
 
 IJutjConu', you must confess it's snuiU for two : 
 
 There's not much room for rows and — 
 
 (ii'hi.'i2)crs.) Mrs. 1>, 
 She's got a precious temi)er ! 
 
 (roinhn/ doion.) Meaning me'/ 
 
 .Ifi'iTKR. You? ((leprcc^-dinyhj.) Oh, my dear ! 
 
 {AH Kpeak al the .same time throuyh the Jollowimj ; 
 fast and loud:) 
 
 .Ilxo. Yes you ditl ! Talk about my temper, wlu'ii your 
 (iwn 's as hot as a kitchen i)oker, and you do everything 
 you can to aggravate me ! You know you do ! Pll go back 
 1 will. Sha'nt, sha'nt. (.repeats several times.) 
 
 •Iri'iTKR. Come, my dear. Well it's all your own fault ; 
 You know you thiidv of nothing but dressing, and making 
 a peacock of yourself. Will you hold your tongue I Will 
 you tio quiet ? 
 
34 
 
 Fijiue, the FiaJier-imud. 
 
 Pkinck VjMEHWA) (sootlihu/ly.) My dear Sir! My diar 
 Maduin! Now do le culm! Pray, (XJiisidcr, 
 
 (nfops hh ears.) 
 Fernando. Well you're a nice pair! Here's a pretty 
 .«tate of tilings ! What am 1 to do? Utopa his cars) 
 
 Merciry. Now that's just the way they go on at homo. 
 Always '{narrelling. I'll give warning. I can't stand it. 
 I won't stand it. No peace from murning till night. It's 
 row, row, row; one might as well live in a menagerie. 
 
 (Jupiter runs up to bark and brint/s down a band box, 
 whirh he Jumjis upon s<rcr<d times. Juno runs up 
 and brings bark hat box, takes out hat and drircs 
 her /is t tItrou<//i the crown. Fifmc enters from 
 cottatje, and CoraUna routes on as old woman L., 
 with basket as before.) 
 
 CouALiNA. Here. Take a shrimp you naughty folks. 
 
 FiFiNE (running fro ward). Ah do ! 
 
 (she Jails on one knee to Jupiter, offering him a\ 
 shrimp. Coralina girrs shrimps all round and\ 
 exit L. They all eat shrimps, gradually growirvj 
 amiable and smiling.) 
 
 Juno. Why, what's the matter, i^ray, with you? 
 
 Jui'iTEK. It seen.s to me we've liad a little row. 
 
 PiuxcE Emkrald. (ironically.) I think there's been a 
 
 storm. It's all gone now. 
 
 {Jupiter and Juno pick up fragments of hat and 
 bonnet, smiling.) 
 
 Juno. My Sunday honnet ! 
 
 Jui'iTKR. And my bran new hat ! 
 
 Juno. It must have been a storm to do all that. 
 Jui'iTER. No matter. Well, my dear, you see your hone; 
 It's large enough to suit a family mouse. 
 Juno. I think it's charming; 
 
Fl/ine, the FishcMiiaid. 
 
 35 
 
 ' (li'iir 
 isiilcr. 
 '.) 
 
 prcltv 
 ' ears.) 
 
 Iiomo. 
 lul it. 
 . It's 
 
 L'. 
 
 d hri)\ 
 
 lis Uji 
 
 dn'i'C'^- 
 
 from 
 
 in L., 
 
 him a 
 d and 
 otcimj 
 
 
 cen a 
 i (did 
 
 lat ! 
 ion( ; 
 
 I'lFlNK. CcJinO, !UI(l 80P illi«i(lo. 
 
 •Ii iMiKit. Ydii can't get in. 
 
 FiFiNK. JiiHt wait until she's tried. 
 
 (tlieji go iiiln halhiinj vxichlne, Mmury puts in the 
 lui/(/<f(/e, Jupiter looks fliniinjh telescope of)' L.) 
 
 •IriMTKiJ. Hallo! Tlicy'ro hatliing there I The litth' dears! 
 
 I hav'nt had a wash lur si-veral years; 
 
 I'll L'o and take a swim. I won't l>e l<»n;_'. 
 
 (exit at fiarlc L, Prince Emerald and Fernando look at 
 Citvli other, then burst out lau(/hin(jJ 
 
 PiMNTK Emkkald. Well, that's a tunny pair! 
 
 FioRNAXito. They're mad ! 
 
 Mkiuiky (Coming down.) You're wronir, 
 
 Tlicy're only married. • 
 
 Pkixce IvMKUAij). Who's your master? say. 
 
 Mkuoury (aside). I really d(»n't know what he is, to-day. 
 
 Fkrnando. Yes, what's his husinoss ? 
 
 Mkiici'uy. What's liis business? Well, 
 rpon my word it's very hard to tell. 
 
 He's in the water works. 
 
 PiuxcK Emkrald. 
 
 MKRcruY. It is'nt gin lie makes, it's liail. 
 
 Pkixce Emkrald. 
 
 .MintciRY. Not beer, but hail. 
 
 PiiiNCK Emkrald. Same thing, I see, a brewer. 
 
 Mkrcury. T know liis bruise, (ruf)s shoulder.) 
 
 I'd rather they were fewer. 
 
 pKRXAxno. He keeps a tirst-rate tap? 
 
 Mercury. The firstest rate : 
 
 You'd think so if you got it on your pate. 
 His hail is pretty strong. Just see liis snows ! 
 
 PitixcK Emkrald. His nose! Well, what's the matter 
 with his nose? 
 
 An engineer? 
 Oh, beer. 
 
 ^ 
 
f>f 
 
 Fifine, the Fisher-makL 
 
 It's inncli liko other nosos. I." it rod? 
 
 Mkkcurv. Why when it hh»\vs, it tulls, un<l lies in hcd. 
 
 Fkiinamk). That's queer! 
 
 PlllNCK I'iMKliAl.n. Where ilu thev hve? 
 
 Mkrci'RY. Live I nh ill Skyc. 
 
 PlllXCK E.MKK.M.T). The Islaml? 
 
 M 
 
 KHCI'KV 
 
 Tliu'h liiml ? Yes, (asiilc) 'tia, very hi<j;h. 
 
 Fi;ii\ANiiu. Suv, IS lie ricli? 
 
 Th 
 
 Mkiutry 
 (I 
 
 Rich ! Why he makes tlic {J) ilew: 
 
 ey (I never ri?e ahme 
 Fkrnando. 
 
 Well, this is yew.> 
 
 Mkkcury. Why, if he showered g<»ld, t'would not he mist. 
 
 inside.) How could it ? (Jold is u;old, iuid mist is — Diist. 
 
 Princk I*'mkrai,1). a tunny pair! It would he hard to 
 
 mateh them. 
 Fkrxaxdo. They'll want a lot of shrim[»s! PlI go ami 
 
 catch then 
 
 {Exeunt R.) 
 
 Merci'ry. I thiidv that's jjuzzled them. But oh, dear me! 
 Pve lost that hag of tlunnlerholts. Let's see. • 
 I put it on myself. It must have dropped ; 
 Perliaps it fell at Saturn when we stopped. 
 I only know that when it does come down, 
 There'll l>e a biggish row in this small town. 
 I aiu so hungry ! (looks throuyh windoio of cottage), 
 
 Why, what have we here? 
 Some bread and cheese, and this line jug of beer. 
 
 (hrhu/s out Ijread, rheese and beer, eats and drinks.) 
 What's in that cupboard ? (</ets fijihing rod and 2)^its it ^S (),-,,,,y 
 
 through icindoic.) 
 
 Hams ? (Ijrings out stocking.) 
 Why, it's a stockin<:I 
 
 And stuffed with gold ! Now really this is shocking! 
 
 I'UINCK 
 
 I link 
 
Fijlite, the FlsJicr-iuald. 
 
 sr 
 
 Tliis LTPoJ lor jroM is very sad ; (entpiiat (lohl info jmrk'efs.) 
 
 IJuse jK'lr! 
 W'hv, tlicrc arc lots moi't- stdclviiiirs on the f<lit'If ; 
 I may as well step in and 1k'1|» inysi'lt". 
 
 (</e/s ill t/iroii(/h wiiKlow.) 
 (r lifer from Cnffat/r Queen Fitienoe and Queen lieasinn 
 miif I'riii<-<'>ix Z<iii Xon, f/ir fa tier kiiiffimj, she (/aes 
 mill siis iii/iu'n.sf lioiif.) 
 
 (^I'KKN Faikxck. IIow wi'll voiTri' l(i(»l<iii>r. What a 
 cliai'iniiiir lioiiiH't ! 
 
 (^)i"i:i:v Hkssina. Yoii tliiiil< it nice? I slept a week ii|toii it. 
 lint \vli;it a lovely divss. And sn(di :i waist ! 
 
 (^)i i;i;x Faii-:n<i:. Su glad ynu like it, deai', vdii have such 
 taste. 
 
 i}\K\:s J)KSSiN'A. You llattcier! 
 
 QiKKN' Faikn'ce. .So that's yotir daughter. 
 
 Qi i:i:n' Bkssina. He.st of girls. 
 
 (,)ii;i;n' Faiknci:. So like her dear itiauuna: the saiue 
 hrowii curls. 
 
 <]ii;r.\ Bessina. (siniperiiigli/) They call us sisters. 
 (,)i KKV Faikn'ck. Oh, no dttultt, my dear, 
 
 lluu strange, at last, I should have met you here. 
 (ii'KKX ]]i:ssiNA. Oh, things liave changed, and I'm n 
 
 loiu'Jy widow, 
 <}rKEX Faience. You're not alone, my dear, tor I'm a ditto. 
 The late lamented — Ah, here comes my son. 
 
 (Enter Prince Emerald, li. he Icisse.s Queen Bessiina's 
 hand) 
 
 Qri:i;x Bdssixa. His mother's eyes ; so full of Am. 
 
 PuixcE E.MERAi-D. Madam, until your heauty came he- 
 
 tween us, 
 I little knew this island helila Venus. 
 
rJ 
 
 '8 
 
 Fiji/ie, the FUher-niald. 
 
 Qi'KEN Hkssin'a. Venus! A {iliarminj; hov. My <liiii^'litor. — 
 
 Prince. {Priiiccafi Zmi Zou rises and nirtsci/s. He 
 h(iii's) 
 
 PuiNCK K.MKRAi.i). Twill blossonis on one tree, (aside) 
 
 Tlie tree 's a (piince. 
 
 Qi'KK.v Bkssin.v, We'll leave you two alone; amuse each 
 
 other. 
 
 I've lot.s ot'tiiin.irs to tell your darling mother. 
 
 (Prince and Queen Faience go np Jj. Queen Jiessina 
 brings Zon Zou. down li. she ^Kdnts over her shoulder 
 towards the Prince). 
 
 llememlter Mis.*, you're iiere to uiake a match. 
 'Die l^rince ha.s lot^; of money. He's a catch. 
 In halfan liour, mind, when I c<>me hack, 
 I hope to find it .«ettled; or — you'll pack. 
 
 (Princess shakes her shoulders inijtatienlli/. Thei/ (jo 
 up R. the others come down L.) 
 
 QrKKX Faiexck. That girl *8 a tlirt. I see it in her eye. 
 PiuxcE EMKKAi,n. All right iiuimma. (nods) 
 QuKEX Faikxck. (To Queen Besaina.) Come, dear. 
 Queen Bessina. (Kissing her hand) Ta ta ! 
 
 Queen Faience, Good-bye. 
 
 (The two Queens go off L. each with an arm round the 
 other\s waist. Princess Zou Zou sits hg boat, and 
 begins knitting.) 
 
 Pkince E.meram). What are you doing, Princes.s? 
 
 Princess Zou Zoi'. Knitting socks 
 
 For Polar bears. AVe'rc going to send a box, 
 
 With nice warm comforters and over-shoes. 
 
 Prince Emerald. Pray let )neheli)! 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. Delighted, if you chose. 
 
 (Prince sits at her feet, she places hank of wool orer 
 his hands and begins winding) 
 
 Prince Emerald. How truly charitable! 
 
Fijine, the Fisher-maicl. 
 
 39 
 
 Ye.«, poor dears, 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. 
 Thoy lire i^o cold. 
 FuixcK Emerald, It till.- 
 
 I don't see how tliese Pocks and shoes are sent. 
 
 riicre's a Society. I'm P 
 
 one 8 ey 
 
 8 eves with teavt 
 
 Zoi 
 
 ident. 
 
 Princess z.ou 
 
 (produces small Oook ana pencil.) 
 Subscription list — "Prince Pumpkin, half a crown, 
 Count Caraway, two shillings." 
 
 Prince Emeiuld. Put me down — 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. With j)k'asurc, Prince. 
 
 Prince Emerald. For twopence. 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. You're so kind, 
 
 Then may I hope that you wiH not be blind 
 
 To tlie Society for providing apes 
 
 With pocket handkerchiefs and nice warm capes. 
 
 They are you- own relations ; 
 
 Prince Emerald, I don't care. 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. May I ? 
 
 Prince Emerald. Another twopence. (Princess writes) 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. Two-pence, There ! 
 
 Then the Socle iy. 
 x^RiNCE Emerald. (aside) Oh, how 
 
 she talks ! 
 Princess Zou Zou. Providing negroes with new toasting 
 
 forks, 
 Prince Emerald. With toasting forks ! What for? For 
 
 catching ants? 
 Princess Zou Zou. How can they properly cook their 
 
 emigra.i 8 ? 
 Prince Em'-jrald. That's very tiue. For iive'i)0untls j)ut 
 
 n)edown. 
 An em'grant — well, should be nice and brown, 
 
JfO 
 
 FijinGy the. Fisher-maid. 
 
 Anil crisp and jtiicy : done npon a fork. 
 PuixcEss Zou Zou. You're so considerate. 
 Pkince Mmkkalu. (i'isiiig) Let's take a walk. 
 (d.sidc) It'l don't change the siiliject soon, I see, 
 By Jove, there wo'nt be much change k'ft in nie. 
 
 (alo7id) 
 They've got a grotto and a lovely view; 
 Besides three monkeys and a kangaroo. 
 Princess Zou Zou. You're quite sure. Prince, there's 
 
 nothing there alarming. 
 Prince EmekaIvD. You need'nt be afraid. 
 Princess Zou Zou. (aside) The Prince is charming. 
 (Exit arm in arm R.) 
 
 (Mercury re-enters from, loindow, laden with plunder) 
 More stockings tilled with gold ; a golden crown ; 
 Some diamond rings, and here's a splendid gown. 
 I am in luck ! Pll hide tlieiu in this grotto; 
 Safe bind, safe find, lias always been my motto. 
 
 (Exit 2 E. E.) 
 
 Enter Fi fine from bathing machine) 
 FiFiNE. "J'hero! I've unpack'ed her things. Such funny 
 fashions. 
 It's clear they"r'/ very rich. IJut, then, what pa.~sions ! 
 
 (comes dou'n.) 
 Prince Emerald is so nice. It would be funny 
 If he should — Well, why not? I've lots of money ! 
 Poor Fernie ! He'd not like another lover — 
 At lirst, of course ; but then, he'd soon recover. 
 Men alwavs do. How^ nic> ! Princess Filine! 
 And then, ])erhaps, some day, it might be Queen. 
 
 (struts lip and down stage conceitedly,) 
 What will your Majesty be pleased to wear? 
 How will your Majesty arrange your hair? 
 
Fijine, the Fisher-maid. 
 
 41 
 
 re's 
 
 
 Icr) 
 
 WW 
 
 Your Majesty — {Fernando has entered at back L in his own 
 dress.) 
 
 Fkrnando (niiiiiirldng her.) Your Maje.^ty ? Ila! lia! 
 Fiiine. Fie, He ! 
 
 FiFiXK. How very sharp you are! 
 
 Feuxaxdo. Well, never mind, I've dreadful news to tell ; 
 You'll get no shrimps to-day ; tliey've vanished. 
 
 FiFiNE {indi/f'erentli/.) Well. 
 
 Fkrnaxdo. Thei'e's not a single one on all the shore ; 
 I *ear they're gone for gooil. 
 
 FiFiXK. Ah! Any more? 
 
 Fkuxaxdo. Fillne ! 
 
 FiKixi-:. I doiTt care if they go or stay. 
 
 I shan't stay here mvself. I'm going away. 
 (looking down and playing loiUi ajyron.) 
 
 If some folks taucy other folks — then — why, 
 
 There's nothing more to say, except good-bye. 
 
 (oirtsei/s and goes np stage.) 
 
 Feuxaxdo. Prince Emerald's had a finger in this pie, 
 
 If I don't punch his head ! and black liis eye ! 
 (exit L angrilij.) 
 
 Fifine. Poor dear Fernamlo! This is bad, Fitlne. 
 You know you love him. Hut to be a queen ; 
 That's far too good to lose, {enter Princess Zon Zou B.) 
 
 Prixcess Zou Zou. Well, that's all right, 
 
 We're going out to take a walk to-night ; 
 He squeezed my hand tliree times. We saw the \ lew, 
 And fed the monkeys and the kangaroo. 
 
 FiYi'^iE {coming down). Prince EmeraUl? 
 
 Prixcess Zou Zou. Of course, why not. Miss, pray ? 
 
 FiFiXE. He did the same to me, myselt", to-day. 
 
 Prixcess Zou Zou. He did! But then that's nothing; 
 that's in joke. 
 
 FiFiXE. Perhaps he joked with you. 
 
 Prixcess Zou Zou (with asperity). I think you spoke. 
 
Fijiue, the Fuher-inaid. 
 
 V 
 
 Yon liorrid littlo shrimp frirl, ^o away. 
 
 FiKiXK. IIo kissed me twice this muriiinjr. 
 
 Princess Zou Zor. All in play, 
 
 FiP'iNE (aside'K Nothing indeed ! Perhaps she's riglit 
 I'll go and cry my eyes ont. 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. Do. Good night. 
 
 FiFiNE. You nasiv stnck-up thing \ hate you. Bah! 
 {Exit into cottage.) 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. I'll pay him out (or that. I'l 
 tell manima. 
 
 (Runs info cottage.) 
 
 (June appears at door of hathinj machine.) 
 
 J I'so (calif). ,Iupi»y ! (comes down.) He isn't here! 
 
 A pi'etty thing ! 
 
 He leaves me like a parcel with a ring, 
 
 Then runs away. He doesn't pri:;c his wife ; 
 
 I'll teacli him! ilooJxS ojf' L.) Here he comes ! Upon mr 
 
 lite, 
 
 Two wome.i o i his a^m ! A pretty fellow! 
 
 With jealousy, I'm sure, I'n» turning yellow. 
 
 {Looks off L.) 
 
 Oh, very well ! Ah right my lord and master, 
 
 Don't hu'M-v, p'-ay ! A snail would walk home faster. 
 {Comes down.) 
 
 He'll pay for ihis; as sure as stars are stars, 
 
 I'U hide his slippers ; hurn his best cigars ; 
 
 Cut every blessed button off his shirt. 
 
 Of one thing I'm determined — he shan't tlirt. 
 
 I'll go a ad meet (hem — lo, I won't — I'll hide. 
 
 {wiiH cnpprcijS'xl passion of tne most tragic.) 
 
 I'm like a cUy 'bus — I'm tuli inside. 
 
 (goes up into macMnc, leaves door half open, occasion- 
 ally looki.ig out. Enter Jupiter icith tne two Queens, 
 one on each arm. They sic down at table L. iifage 
 gradually grows dim.) 
 
Flfwe, the Fisher-maid. 
 
 43 
 
 JriMTKu. All ! what a day we're liavino; to 1)0 ^iire ! 
 I've not lolt jollier in my life be'bre. 
 Strollinj^ along tlie rock", out over there 
 This charming creature dropped her — well, back hair. 
 Koaching to save it ere it touched the water. 
 She woulil have tumbled in if I'd not caught her. 
 
 Queen BE^^isxismiliiii/ coqiiettishli/.) Pray Mr. 
 
 Jii'iTER. Jones; a city broker, (aside.) Smart! 
 (Jl'ee.v BESdiXA (aside.) Oh ! wiiat a handsome fellow ! 
 Ql'kkx Faience (aside.) My poor heart ! 
 
 Qteen Bessina. Accejjt my thanks, (curtseys.) 
 Ql'Een Faience (aside.) My dear, oh what a pity ! 
 He's only something horrid in the city. 
 
 (Aside.) I'd have him, if he'd ask me, in a minnit. 
 Ql'Een ]]essina (aside.) The man's a perlect prize, and 
 
 ril just win it. 
 Jri'iTER. Ladies, will you accept, as souvenir, 
 A handful of these little trifles here ? 
 
 {kisses their hands and (fives diamonds to each.) 
 Queen Bessina. Diamonds! Good gracious! Why 
 
 they'i'e big a^ beans ! 
 Queen Faience (aside). The man's a prince! I'll find 
 out what this means. 
 
 (Juno comes down.) 
 Jupiter ^aside.) My wife ! 
 
 (aloud to her.) My dear ! 
 Juno (rviih the air of a Juno.) Sir ! 
 
 <i vpiTER (disconcertai.) Ta Ta. 
 
 I think I'll go and smoke a mild cigar. 
 
 (Strolls off R.) 
 Queen Bes.sina. Who's this? 
 
 Queen Faience. A stranger! (to her.) It's a lovely day. 
 Juno (dryly) It's most, 'iiem, l»raclng weather, I should 
 say. 
 
u 
 
 Fijlne, the Fisher-maid. 
 
 Qi'KEN Faience (aside.) She isn't iiico. 
 
 (^I'KKN' Bkssina (aside.) I tliink she'y in a pas-ion. 
 
 Whoever saw a dress in siicli a I'ashiou! 
 
 Ql'EKN Faikn'Ck (aloud.) Is that the latest Pari:* style, 
 
 that Avaist ? 
 
 Juxo. Don't mention Paris, pray, the man's no taste! 
 
 You'd scarcely think that he preferred to me 
 
 That brazen creature Venus. 
 
 Queen Bessina. Who is she? 
 
 Jl'Xo (aside.) I quite fori^ot ! 
 
 (Jieex Bessina (laiKjhiiti/.) It's clear, the woman's mad. 
 
 Juxo (a.rkJe.) Tlie saucy minxes ! I could pull their hair, 
 
 (aloud, a la Rohson in " Medea.") 
 
 ll-r-rash female women I P-r-r-ray beware! 
 
 Queen Faience. Indeed ma'am ! Who are you? 
 
 Ji'No {aside iiideep bass tones if pos.nhle.) I mustdisemble. 
 
 (aloud.) I'm Mrs. Brown. 
 
 Queen Bessina. We thought you might be Kemblc. 
 
 (enter li. Prince Emerald in Fernando\s disguise. 
 
 The Queens and Juno r/o vp.) 
 
 Prince Emerald (aside.) So Mrs. Brown is jealou:^. 
 
 Here's a joke ! 
 
 They'll never know me in Fernando's cloak. 
 
 I'll have some fun. (t^crl-ons innsteriously to Juno.) 
 
 You're jealous. 
 Juno. I ! 
 
 Pkince Emerald (unth mock.'iympatliy.) You've reason. 
 
 (ill stage ivkisjycr.) 
 
 To-night: l»y moonlight : in the grotto. 
 
 Juno. Treason! 
 
 Pkince Emerald. Hushl (Juno goes up R. Prince 
 (beckons apart to Queen Bessina.) 
 
 Beauty on love can surely never frown. 
 
 To-night: by moonlight: in the grotto : Brown. 
 
Fijine, the Fishsr-mald. 
 
 4^ 
 
 Well, what? 
 
 The world. 
 
 That's cool ! 
 
 Queen Bessixa (aside). Brown? He means Jones! 
 Dear fellow 1 Caught already I 
 
 Prin'CE Emerald. Hush ! Do not speak. They're coni- 
 inj:;. Steady! 
 (Queen BesHina goes up, enter Mercury li., he looJcs up 
 (it the sky anxiously .) 
 
 Mhkcl'uy (nervously.) What would it cust to wrap in 
 cotton wool, 
 Say ten leet thick — 
 
 PiuNX'E Emerald. 
 
 MKiicrjiY. 
 
 I'klxce Emerald. 
 
 Mkkcl'ky. Or blankets. ' 
 
 PiiiNCE Emerald. What! 
 
 iMeucury. a dozen's thick enough. 
 
 Or, say, two dozen. 
 
 Pkin'CE Emerald. Wrap the wurld in! — Stall! 
 
 Here. Get a ton of ice : go straight tu lied, 
 And put two dozen leeches on your head. 
 You're going mad. 
 
 'nIeucury. I think I am, indeed ! 
 
 Thank you, kind sir. (picks his pockcL) 
 
 J Ml go and have a weetl ! 
 
 {(/ocsvp stage and talks to Queens, enter li. a)id Jj., all 
 the characters, fishermen, villagers, visitors, etc. 
 Frince slips outli. and reappears in /lis own dress.) 
 
 Prince Emerald (bringing Jupiter down) 
 Yuu rogue! {pokes him plagfully in the )ibs.) 
 
 Why, Brown, you'ye made a pretty capture. 
 (points over shoulder.) 
 Tu-night: hy moonlight : in the grotto: Rapture! 
 Jri'iTEU (laughing.) I'll go, for fun. What's this ? 
 
 Fernando. All right. 
 
 We oidy come to wish you all good night. 
 (characters i^ing " Good Night '^ C/iorus from ilic 
 '' Gran : Duc/iess," inoving'ojj' L, and li. as scene 
 
 closes ill.) 
 
m 
 
 SCENE V. 
 
 The Grotto. 
 
 (Set ill front grooves; to oj^cn in centre. Enter Prince 
 Emerald L. 1.) 
 
 PiuNCE E.MKitAi.n. I'm first. That's good: and now to see 
 
 the tun. 
 
 Hooks olf L.) Tliere's .someone coming, 
 
 Sol The phiy's begun. 
 
 ((joes off E, enter Mercury L, with sack.) 
 
 Mkuci'Ry. All right, my gold's all .«afe, and I'm alone. 
 
 I'll go and hide my treasure near tliis .stone. 
 
 The i)eople hereabouts have eyes like hawks ! 
 
 I'm very lucky — .silver spoons and forks ; 
 
 Nine handkerchiei's, besides a stilton cheese. 
 
 (looks off L.) Here's Jupiter. By jove, there'll be a 
 breeze I 
 
 ril hide, ((joes off R, enter Jupiter with Queen Bessina on 
 his arm, L) 
 
 Jupiter. Dear Madam. 
 
 Queen Bessina (sighs.) Ah; dear Mr. Jones I 
 
 Jui'iTER. Come let ui? take a seat upon these stones. 
 (thei/ sit C.) 
 
 Queen Bessina. I wish we'd met before. 
 
 Jupiter. 'Tis late (hesitates.) Supposing. 
 
 Queen Bessixa (m(3a/ei/f^Z^.) It's not ^oo late, perha^js, 
 
 (aside) he means proposing. 
 
 Jupiter. Supposing I But no, you'll think me bold. 
 
 (.she shakes her head.) 
 
 Ill should ask you — {hesitates, she glances vp and then 
 
 lor kn dow.i coquelLisidy) are you feeling 
 
 (she iurns /, .r head as: le, .wiiling.) Cold ? 
 
Fijiite^ the Fisher-maid. 
 
 47 
 
 Ql'een Bessina (fri(jidli/.) Uli, not at all. You might 
 be wanner. 
 
 Jl'I'iter {innocently.) I? 
 
 Thank you, Tni warm enough. 
 
 Queen Bessina {rising). I'll say good-bye. 
 
 Jupiter. I fear you lin(i my conversation slow. 
 
 I wish we'd met, say> forty years ago. <•■; 
 
 Queen Bessixa. Sir I forty years! 
 
 Jui'iTER. We botli had younger bones. 
 
 Queen Bessina. Speak lor yourself. 
 
 Jui'iTER. Besides, there's Mrs. Jones. 
 
 QuLi.N Bessina. You're married? Wretch! 
 
 {enter rnnning, Fernando, Frfine, Queen Faience, and 
 all the characters, except Mercury, Juno and Irince 
 Emerald, L.) 
 FiFixE. Thieves ! 
 
 Queen Faience. Thieves! Where is my crown? 
 
 Fernando. Where is that rascal gone to, Jupi)y Brown ? 
 
 {they seize Jupiter.) 
 
 FiFiNE. Wliere is my gold ? 
 
 Sir Irascihle Raps. My snuff box? 
 
 Princess Zou Zou. Diamond ring ? 
 
 Sir Popinjay Pops. My handkercliiet ? 
 
 Fernando. My stilton cheese? 
 
 {all together.) Where's everything? 
 
 (enter Juno fj.) 
 
 Juno. So here you are 1 
 Jupiter. My dear, it's all a joke. 
 
 Juno. A joke! Don't tell me that, sir! I sliall choke! 
 JupuiER. It's all tliat Mercury ! 
 
 Prince Emerald (off' E.) All right ! I've got him ! 
 {enter Prince Emerald li, leading in Mercury by one 
 ear.) 
 I've found the thief! 
 
 Mercury. Oh I oh I Please don't! 
 
 Jupiter. I'll pot him! 
 
48 
 
 Fijiiie, the Finher-mald. 
 
 VVliJit's this? (j)ullfi haiulkei'cliief's out of his sleeves.) 
 And tliis? Qmlls another out of the hark of his coat,) and 
 this? (/mils move handkerchiefs out of his boots, and /'mm 
 under his waistcoat. He shakes him soundly ; aqnanfUij 
 of money rolls on the (jround.) 
 
 You know the cost. 
 
 •»• (m the awfidcst possible tones.) VVhoro are my 
 tliun(k'rl)olt8? 
 
 MKnruiiY (J(dliii;f on his knees.) Please sir ! they're lost, 
 
 (a terrific crash heard off L, Jnjrifer rushes off' L. 
 
 and returns instantly with a thunderbolt in his 
 
 hand • he raises it to strike Mercury , when Coraliua 
 
 runs on L. with basket of shrimpsy dressed as a 
 
 Jairy.) 
 
 CoRALiNA. Here, take some shrinips, you nauglity, 
 naughty folks. 
 
 ithey all fake shrinips. Soft music.) 
 Jupiter. I can't be angry at the fellow's jokes. 
 
 (to Mercury.) Get up! (Mercury rises to his feet.) 
 Leave off your tricks. 
 Mercury. I'll reallj' try. 
 
 JriMTER. You'd better, sir; or else — ;iust mind your eye. 
 My name's not Brown or Jones, as, clearly, you know ; 
 In fact I'm Jupiter, and this is Juno. 
 (l/eneral astonishment.) 
 
 FiFiNE. Fernando! pray forgive your own Fifine? 
 
 Ferxando (embracing her.) Forgive you ! Yes ! 
 
 FiFiNE (archly.) I don't want to be Queen . 
 
 I'd rather be a fisher girl, and sing. 
 I've had enough of wealth. 
 
 Jupiter (patting her on the head.) Nice little thing! 
 
 Juno. Nice little thing indeed! the little (checks 
 
 herself) dear. 
 
 Jupiter. Her temper's much improved, that's very clear. 
 (,to Juno.) You'll leave off nagging? 
 
Fijine, the Fisher-maid, 
 
 49 
 
 Jrxo (gives him her hand.) Yes, I will : And you? 
 
 .fi'i'iTKR. Oh I? I'm mild as milk and water, Jii. 
 I my, doiTt take so lonj^ to do your luiir. 
 
 Juno. I'll tell you what! I'll wear a wig. Now, there I 
 
 Pkixokss Zou Zou. What's to hecome of me? 
 
 PuixcE Emkrald. If I sliould do 
 
 As well as Polar bears, and nionkies — 
 
 PuiN'C'Ess Zou Zor {turning her head away.) You ! 
 
 Prince Emerald. I want a conilbrter, and also, socks. 
 
 VdU would'nt have so far to send the hox. 
 
 {Princes.'i turns round quicJdi/ and gives him both her 
 hands.) 
 
 Queen Faience. What's to become of us? We want to 
 
 know. 
 Prince Emerald. The proper thing's to give your 
 
 blessing. 
 
 (both Queens.) Oh ! 
 
 (the Queens place their hands on the heads of their 
 children, melodramatically .) 
 
 (both together.) B-er-less you, my children ! 
 
 Mercury. Now it's all serene, 
 
 Let's understand each other. 
 
 Jupiter. What d'ye mean ? 
 
 Mercury (showing thunderbolts.) What shall we do with 
 
 all these little jokers? 
 
 Jupiter. Oh, turn the whole lot into kitchen pokers. 
 
 My'temper's changed. I'm not myself at all. 
 
 CoRALiNA. Then welcome each one to the Shrimp King's 
 
 Hall. 
 
 (fairy music from " Oberon." Scene sloicly changes 
 to the 
 
 Shrimp King's Hall, 
 
 OR 
 
 The Coral Groves of the Enchanted Isle. 
 
60 
 
 Fijiim, t/ie FUlmr-vmid. 
 
 {Tke Shrimp Kiiuj in his Jewelled car, centre, fairies, 
 ad lib. 2>osed un cither side, characters grouped at 
 sides ; they form line in centre, in the foflowimj 
 order.) 
 
 Mercury, Juno, Coralina, Jupiter, 
 Prince Emerald, Fijine, Fernando, Queen Bessina, 
 Princess Zou Zou, Queen Faience, 
 
 Sir Popinjay, Sir Irascible. 
 
 Final Chorus: — "Ciiickauee. 
 
 5J 
 
 Air " Upidce." 
 FiFiNE isolo.) Our play iH done, but ere you go, 
 
 (chortis.) Tra la la. Tra la la. 
 
 FiFiNE. A little secret 1 will show. 
 
 (cho)'us.) Tra la la, la lay. 
 
 FiriXE. In case your tempers run away, 
 
 Remember this one word we say. 
 (chorus — mysteriously.) Chicka dee, idee, ida, etc. 
 
 [coloured fires'] and 
 CUUTAIN. 
 
ines, 
 id at 
 winy 
 
 a, 
 
 ice, 
 
 <iible. 
 
 la la. 
 
 , etc. 
 ,nd